The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/29/11
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
texashayseedjalapenolady gagasoccerswatcobravw recallwendy'slittle leaguep90xfat ho burger
The Tuesday broadcast opened with Woods and Jay's Texas rivalry spawning a 'Who's the Bigger Hayseed' contest, while Sienna's jalapeno word-of-the-day bit gave away concert tickets to caller nine. Lady Gaga's upcoming Viejas Arena show and a Mexico-versus-Venezuela soccer match at Qualcomm provided the night's entertainment talk. A Chula Vista SWAT standoff and a Bronx Zoo cobra escape made the news segment, alongside a VW Jetta recall over faulty horn circuitry. L.O.B.'s Wendy's punishment and Coach Woods' 40-run Little League struggles closed the humor, complemented by Jay's P90X brags and a controversial Fat Ho Burger restaurant name.
What happened, in order
Texas fight and Bigger Hayseed contest
Woods and Jay's Texas rivalry escalates into a 'Who's the Bigger Hayseed' contest, where the loser must wear overalls with no shirt and answer Texas trivia questions live on air.
Jalapeno word of the day
Sienna declares 'jalapeno' the word of the day, noting she grows them and lives the stereotype; caller nine who hears it woven into a sentence wins four-pack Good Guys Car Show tickets and $40 Dave & Buster's power cards
Lady Gaga concert and soccer match
Lady Gaga is scheduled to perform at Viejas Arena tonight, and an exhibition soccer match Mexico versus Venezuela at Qualcomm will feature 60,000 expected attendees with free jalapenos allegedly handed out at the stadium
SWAT standoff and Bronx cobra
A 48-year-old domestic violence suspect held a family hostage in an 8-hour Chula Vista standoff before tear gas forced him out, while a deadly Egyptian cobra escaped from the Bronx Zoo and was interviewed on air, claimin
VW Jetta recall
Over 71,000 2011 Jetta sedans are recalled because honking the horn triggers a short circuit that can turn the car off, disabling headlights, wipers, and the engine controller, as Sienna explains the faulty converter box
L.O.B. Wendy's punishment
L.O.B. admits she punished herself with a Wendy's run when feeling down, followed by a 90-minute yoga class, and playfully points her own finger in her face asking 'who do you think you are?'
Little League coach struggles
Coach Woods' Little League team surrendered 40 runs in two games, made eight errors in one inning, and parents publicly judge him, prompting Woods to kick bats in the dugout and wish he could crawl into a hole.
Jay's P90X brags
Jay boasts he completed 180 days of P90X, claims a 12-pack and cyborg status, insists only cyborgs can do it, and details an 18-mile beach bike ride afterward with a cucumber bite.
Fat Ho Burger and Richard Simmons video
A Waco restaurant named 'Fat Ho Burger' sparks controversy; Richard Simmons stars in a New Zealand airline safety video in 80s gear, leading stretches, seatbelt demos, and duck poses that entertain the crew.
Social rejection brain pain
A new study confirms social rejection activates the same brain receptors as physical pain; Sienna explains researchers used brain imaging on people going through breakups, proving heartbreak literally hurts.
People mentioned
27,189 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
It's Tuesday, and as Sienna mentioned yesterday, it's only going to get nicer and nicer as the week goes on. It's getting sunnier. It's getting warmer as the week goes on. It's going to be really, really cool. First things first, phone number, 570-1949. You can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Woodsy, a big thank you to you for turning me on to the Keurig coffee maker. Oh, you're welcome. See? He was right, L.O.B. Wow. He was right. I'll tell you about it in just a second. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35 years of age. And he's a sharp cat. When I first met him, he looked just like. Just like.
Robert Downey Jr. He looked just like Robert Downey Jr. Now I look like Morton Downey. Now he looks like he swallowed him. Oh, boy. Right out of the gate. Ouch. Right out of the gate. Really? Seriously? Oh, my. Oh, my. It hurt a little bit, didn't it? Just the hair. I'd say more than a hair, but I messed with this yesterday. There we go. Let's see. The girl to my right is Lauren O'Brien. Hi. And she has blonde hair. She lives in North County, loves the area, and is originally from New Jersey. True story. And we call her LOB. She has a boyfriend, Matt Commerce, that we call BFMC. We're big on the, you know, OMGs. We like acronyms a lot. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. And you've probably heard it before, but when I first met her, I was so shy around her that I would stumble. He did call me Sierra one time, even though he knew that wasn't my name. I was like, hi, Sierra. Sierra.
Sierra! I called him out immediately, and he was mortified. I was mortified. You ever call people out for stuff? Oh, man. She did. She got me good. You gotta do it. I ran into her one time in the break room, and I would always try to be really cool, and I was very aware of how... I'd be like, hi, Sienna. He's posing right now. I'd try to stand. Like, cool? Yeah, like, I'm normal right now. I'd go... Hey, Sienna. How are you? Leaning. She's like, hey, how you doing? I didn't even notice. Leaning against a Coke machine. Yeah. Hey. How are you? How today are you? My chips are stuck in the vending machine, Mike. He's like, bam. Easy font. Easy fonzie. Jay is our producer. He's 47 years of age, but he looks like he's 27 years of age, which irritates everybody. Acts like he's 17. Yes. That's true. True story. Gosh. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Chris! He's not just our phone screener today. He's our phone screener. He's my best friend. Period. Yes. So, the other day off the air, Woods and Jay, who can get into it about anything and everything at any given time? It's true. Started to talk about how they were both from Texas. And I don't remember what it was. I don't remember what it was, but...
Woods, he said to Jay, dude, I'm from Texas. And Jay, before it was even out of Woods' mouth, goes, so am I. Clearly. And Woods goes, dude, who has lived there the shortest period of time? I was there last year. Woods goes, how long has it been since you even lived there? And what did you say? How long was it? 15 years. 15 years. Woods goes, lots of change, pal. Yeah, lots changed. And so they started getting into a Texas fight. Which is the biggest fight you can ever have. Absolutely, because everything's bigger, right? Everything's bigger. You don't live in Texas, though? It's an export. Jay says things. Creepy. Inappropriate. Yeah, you shouldn't say it out loud. But anyway, so they got into it. And so I said, why don't we settle this on the air with a...
Who's the Bigger Hayseed contest. Obviously. Obviously. Yeah. So this morning at 830. We will do the Who's the Bigger Hayseed contest. Now, the loser. The loser has to put on a pair of overalls with no shirt. And more. That's just where. Well, that's our. That's our starting off point. But that's how Jay comes in every day. Every day. What does he have to do? It's really no big deal. Do they even make overalls anymore? Yes. Oshkosh. Yeah. Oshkosh. Oh, man. And then we're going to send them out into the public. Oh, no. Of course we are. Texas trivia questions. I love it. It's going to be fantastic. So that's coming up.
at 8.30. Word of the day today is jalapeno. Sienna takes great delight in thinking of words that are, you know, in thinking of words that are Mexican. Yeah. He told me I can't do Spanish words anymore. Right. So now she just does Mexican stuff. Yeah. Because I'm Mexican. You can't get around this little mic. There's double entendres. Double entendres. Yesterday, LOB insisted that I grow my own jalapenos. And then I had to admit, oh, yeah, I have grown jalapenos. Of course you have. I'm trying to get out of the stereotype, yet I live the stereotype. Yes. So it's true. So anyway, that's the word of the day. When you hear me use the word jalapeno between now and 10 o'clock, when I weave that into a sentence, you'd be caller nine, you get a four-pack of tickets to the Good Guys Car Show, which is really awesome. It's going on the first through the third.
And also, you'll get $40 worth of Dave & Buster power cards to use at Dave & Buster's. Just so you know, there may be hectic traffic this eve. There will be. There will be. There's no maybe about it. What's going on? Well, first of all, Lady Gaga. will be here, and you know how huge she is. You know that she just turned 25 years old yesterday? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, she's... I didn't know she was younger than me. Yeah, she has catapulted herself into superstardom within probably about a 15-month period. I know. Well, she's going to be at the Vieja Serena, formerly Cox, you may know that better, at 8 o'clock tonight. I knew that was coming. I didn't say anything. I just went, oh, that's interesting. People don't know that it's Vieja Serena yet. Yeah. So I have to specify. Okay, Viejas, which this is the one by SDSU. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And she's going to go there, do the meat hat thing. No, Viejas. Meat hats. I think it's Sports Arena? No, it's Viejas. It's at San Diego State. It's at San Diego State. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah. They changed the names of the stadium so often. The one by Sports Arena, I believe, is Valley View at Sports Arena. Yeah. And then there was...
Coors in Chula Vista, which is now Cricket. How about we just leave them alone? You're going to have the Massengill Amphitheater. Because they'll take money. Just give us some money and we'll call it whatever you want. Good thing it's disposable, though. He takes the air right out of me. The OB tampon arena. That's been gone. for 20 years. Yeah, that's true. Because it caused toxic shock syndrome. That's right. Well, people kept thinking it was down in Ocean Beach, but really it was out east. It's the Stay Free Maxi Theater now. It's the Stay Free Maxi Theater with wings. So yes, Lady Gaga will be here. Expect a lot of traffic around SDSU at the Viejas Arena. That's not it, though. And also, there's an exhibition match tonight between Venezuela and Mexico. Thank you. Thank you. And I'm talking about It's soccer at Qualcomm. You'll be there. Is it true that they're handing out free jalapenos as you walk into the stadium? That's exactly right. That's not true, though. I'm just kidding. Mikey calls it football. Football. El football. The game's at 8 p.m. Tickets are $30 to $100, and there should be about 60,000 people there. Oh, yeah. God. 60,000? Yeah, the traffic's going to be nuts tonight. Mexico against Venezuela. Wow. Get some. This music is so happy.
You gonna go? He's playing. I don't just go to everything that's related to being Mexican. Don't you? Alright, in defense to you, yes I do. This reminds me of every barbecue I ever went to as a kid. It's incredible. Sounds real good. With my Aunt Helen Trujillo. speaking Spanglish. That's my favorite. In the refrigerator. In the street yesterday. Half English, half Spanish. It's not confusing at all. Hey man, it was so funny because she's raised on Spanish but then she would forget.
the word for it, you know? I love that. I see people do that in a couple different languages. I'm like, wow, your brain is split. It helps me kind of follow along. I'm like, okay, I kind of got where you're going. Okay, refrigerator, I got that. I can go to the refrigerator. M1 Lindsey from Hillcrest. What was the word of the day? Jalapeno. Yeah. Started it out early today. Started it out early. You just got yourself a four-pack of tickets to the Good Guys Car Show and 40 bucks worth of Dave & Buster's Power Cards. Hang on the line, okay? Great, thanks. So here's the other big news is that LOB has been waiting for the new iPhone to come out. Now, originally I had heard that the big rumor was July. Then the big rumor switched, and I heard that the big rumor was June that the new version of the iPhone would be released. Sienna, what do you know? Okay, well, here's what they're saying. On June 6th in San Francisco is Apple's Worldwide Developers Conference. It was when they introduce all the new products, usually when they do these conferences. Well, this one's scheduled in June. They've released press releases, and it doesn't announce any kind of hardware announcements. Nothing like that is mentioned on the announcement. They never say, though. They usually do. Apparently, there's a...
They say well-sourced Apple blogger. His name is Jim Darrymple. Yeah, Jim Darrymple. Darrymple. Well, he's known for being in the know about Apple. That guy was ever teased. Yes, Jim Darrymple. Harry Pimple. Yeah. I think he was ever called Jim Harry Pimple. Jim Harry Pimple. Ever? That's so sad. I know it is. It's Derry Rimple. It's Derry Rimple. Oh, easy, Harry Pimple. Yeah. He's saying that he's in the know, and any blog he's released is pretty well credited. Yeah. And he's saying that there's going to be no iPad, no iPhone, or Mac hardware introduced in June. Bogus. What on earth? Because it always is, whatever they do in June, it's a splash. It's not something tiny. It's always a big deal. And so I'm trying to think, well, what could they release unless it's a brand new product, which would turn the world...
actually upside in your world. You would lose your mind. If they released a new product, like an actual, you know, because at one point there was no such thing as a MacBook Air. I know. A one pound little, you know. No iPhone. Yeah. At one point there was no iPhone. At one point there was just their desktop. Yeah. And, uh... It's like the iFrisbee. What did we do? Do you guys remember what we did when it was like that? Yeah, the world was, everybody was sad. I think it's when people still thought that the world was flat. Yeah, we still thought the world was flat. It was like the invention of meat. So that means I should go get the iPhone now, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. They're going to do it. It would behoove them to do it. There are so many people like me and Woods that are Verizon customers that are waiting. There will be just such a boom of... iPhone buys. What if Apple went to this guy because he's so well known for doing what he does and they said, look, we'll give you 200 grand, put out there that it ain't coming out. Zip your lip. And then when we do release it, it'll be an even bigger buzz. I mean, this is from CNN, this story. So this isn't just like some small article I found. Like this is what they're saying is no iPhone 5. By the way, my iPad 2, I love it.
I use that thing so much more than the other iPad. And you know what they figured? See, this is what they do. They'll put something out and they'll go, what are just a couple of things that make this thing so much better? Yeah. And the fact that they just made it a little bit smaller makes it easier to type with. Yeah. You know? And I enjoy typing on that thing now. I want it now. It's pretty good. It's a pretty good device. You bring it to work with you? Not today. Not today. I brought it yesterday. I just forgot it today. Weird. And I do love that cover. You know, that new cover. The one that you got grease on? Yeah, I did. I now use the grease mark to let me know what side to put it down on. Weird. Grease thumbprint. That's the first day you had it. Yeah. Let's see. She never forgets, Mike. Nope. She doesn't. She never forgets. Like an elephant. She never forgets.
Tell me about, Sienna, tell me about the SWAT standoff yesterday in Chula Vista. Okay, a 48-year-old man was looking for his ex-wife, so he went to the family home in Chula Vista around 9.20 p.m. on Sunday. A couple other family members were there, his two grown sons, former brother-in-law. And luckily, those people left. The family was able to get out of the house because this guy is a domestic violence suspect. I mean, he's just not all there. And the police were called when he showed up. The family called. He called the police and there was a police outside for eight hours, eight hour standoff just before 5 a.m. on Monday. He finally came out after they had to use tear gas to get him out of the house. You know, that is one thing that I. never hope to experience but I know that those recruits and stuff that go on the police academy they have to experience mace they have to experience that stuff so that they know and man I bet that tear gas is brutal stuff tasers non-lethal but he had to go to the hospital you know afterwards because it's not fun it's pungent that's for sure is there a bed idea in there anywhere yeah oh my gosh maybe we do mace jay
Tear Gas J. Let's do it. Fridays or something. Taser. Will you pepper spray him? No. Taser J. In the eyes? No. I've been tasered before. I've been tasered. It's no big deal. Isolate that. I invented the taser. So, of course, I had to try it because I invented it. I got hit with six at one time. Yeah. No normal man can do that. I ain't no normal man. I've been tasered before. And then the deadly cobra. That escaped from the Bronx Zoo. Yep. Is what? Still on the loose.
Still on the loose. Now, this thing escaped on Friday afternoon, and they still can't find it. It's not funny. It's actually terrifying. But the people that work there, this is a 20-inch long Egyptian cobra. Deadly. The venom is deadly. Can kill a person in 15 minutes, can kill a full-grown elephant in three hours. We have him on the phone. The zoo officials are saying their best strategy is patience. I have him on the phone. Oh, wow. Is this the cobra? Hello, good morning. How are you, Egyptian Cobra? I'm pretty good. I'm just chilling. Where are you? I'm in the Bronx. You're in the Bronx, okay. But you don't know where in the Bronx you are. Well, I'm waiting for Yankees home opener ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. It's in the area. Yeah, that's where Yankee Stadium is in the Bronx. Is in the Bronx. How did you dial the phone? How did I dial? That's a good question. With your tail. With your tail. Of course. Yes. Of course. Hey, let me ask you a question. Fire away. Let me ask you a question. Deadly Egyptian cobra missing from the Bronx Zoo. How did you escape? They left a cage open.
They were, to be honest with you, they were smoking a joint. And they left the cage open and I saw some liberty. I took the liberty and left. Yeah. You hungry? Are you hungry? I'm starving. You're starving. All I found to eat was a falafel on the side of the road. Yeah. And you don't eat that normally. Mice, rats. Yeah, rabbits. I don't know what I eat. I don't know much about that. I just eat what they give me. Yeah. I'm looking like jail here. Yeah, it is. I miss Egypt very much. My family is there. It's terrible that they take you out of there and stick you in a zoo. Yeah, it's stupid. It's stupid. Italians coming to look at me every day. Every day. And you just go, hey, great, yeah. I'm not going back there. I'll eat my way out of any trouble I get in. That is good. Wow. Be careful. Sounds like woods. Hey, Egyptian Cobra, Jay said sounds like woods. I heard him. I heard him. You heard him? Yes, I heard him. Yeah, Jay was saying, you know, if you're trying to stay out of trouble, that sounds just like woods. Jay is the gentleman with the male pattern baldness. Well played, deadly cobra. Male pattern. Oh, my God. Yes, Jay. Jay.
Jay is the gentleman with the mail. Oh my gosh. Okay, bye. That's his new thing. Snake knew a lot about me. He did. He did, you know. We don't personally attack the snake. Well, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire. There has been a recall on the Volkswagen Jetta, and it's weird and potentially dangerous. Trust me. Even if you don't own a Jedi, you've never heard anything like this. Sienna told me what it was, and I go, wait, for real? And she goes, yeah, yeah. We'll tell you next. Just fantasize about Olivia Newton-John watching this scene. Oh, yeah. If you didn't, then you were either gay. Yes. Or. A woman. Or you were a girl. Even women were like, damn, look at her. Yeah. I mean, Olivia Newton-John, when I was a kid.
That was the end-all, be-all. That's it. The bee's knees. The bee's knees, yep. For sure. Cat's meow. And that voice. Mm-hmm. How come when you sing, you don't sound Australian? Where'd your accent go? Yeah. Where did it go? Where did it go? So, recall on Volkswagen Jettas. We're going to tell you why, and it's weird. And then don't forget, at 8.30, who's the bigger hayseed? Is it Jay or is it Woods? They both are from Texas. Woods is from Dallas and Jay is from Houston. And they will get into arguments on a regular basis about things that have to do with Texas. And they each have reasons why they're right. Jay's deal is, A, I'm older than you. I lived in Texas longer. Woods is like, you haven't lived in Texas for 15 years. What do you know?
And so we will do the Who's the Bigger Hayseed contest. Now, whoever loses is going to put on a hayseed outfit, and of course we'll film them, and of course we'll send them out into the public. Of course. So get ready for that. Volkswagen has recalled the Jetta, and why, Sienna? Well, they've recalled over 71,000. 2011 Jetta. So the 2011 Jetta sedan. There's some wiring problems and apparently the horn is faulty. If you honk the horn, it could actually turn the car off. Wow. That's insane. The horn causes a short circuit that would cause some electronic part. The converter box to disconnect from the car's power supply. And the converter box controls the headlights, the wipers, the engine controller. I mean, it will turn off the car's engine. I think there needs to be a better solution, by the way, to windshield wipers. Agreed. Because they get in your way, and they usually work flawlessly for about 20 minutes. I mean, when you buy the car brand new. For 20 minutes, they are great. But the next time it rains, there's always that streak. There's always that annoying spot that's not getting perfectly wiped.
Do you replace your blade, the windshield wiper blade? It doesn't matter. I don't know how. I could even do that. That's easy. Oh, wow. You can just go to Pep Boys and they'll actually do it for free for you. They will? If you buy the blades. If you buy the blades. They'll do it for you for free. Yeah, probably not us. L.O.B.'s just used to that. She's like, oh, yeah, they give you a ride anywhere you want to go. You don't get free coffee at Starbucks? She's like, wait, they don't take you to Donovan's? Every time I've gone. The guy will change my blades and take me to Donovan. He gives me new tires, too, every time. It's so weird. New tires. They give me this loner, like, BMW. Every time I go. Every time. Speaking of L.O.B., one sentence. One sentence in her recap says it all. Well, it's more than one sentence, but it's one line. She says, yesterday I was feeling down, so I did what anybody would do. I got Wendy's. Leave me alone. For L.O.B. Oh, my gosh. The healthiest health nut. And not only that. She loves Wendy's. Not only that. She's very strict with herself. Like, she punishes herself. Oh, yeah. She points her own finger in her own face and goes, who do you think you are? Oh, yeah. There's already a 90-minute yoga class on the schedule today. Of course there. You're punishing you. Oh, yeah.
You're going to show you who's boss. You're allowed to treat yourself every once in a while. I felt like I was going to a crack house. I felt like I was like a recovering crack addict. I was looking around and then I ate one long fry. Like I couldn't even pull out of it. I was still turning the wheel with one left hand out of the driveway. And I looked and there was somebody eating inside that was watching me eat. I was like, oh my gosh, I've sunken. Let me guess. When you put that fry in your mouth and that. That sea salt touched. I still haven't tried these new fries. They're so good. They use sea salt. When you put that fry in your mouth and that sea salt touched your tongue and you bit into that crispy exterior, into that soft potato interior, was it like unloosening the belt on your arm? I had no regrets.
I instantly had no regrets. Now, about an hour afterwards, I was like, what's the matter with me? But I was like, this is the best decision I ever made. And just shoveling it in. It makes you feel better. At least for that. And then I felt worse the rest of the night. I can't believe you did it. I was like looking around like, oh, people saw me pull in. People are looking at me, judging me. Could be worse. They could know you by name. Yeah, that's true. At McDonald's, I used to, I didn't need the, all I needed back was my change. And after a while, I noticed that when they gave me the receipt, it just turned into garbage in my car. Yes. And so I started to say, no receipt, thank you. And they would just throw it away. One of the most humiliating days of my life was when this Mexican guy who barely spoke English said,
No receipt, right? Oh. Uh-huh. Holy cow. You taught him his only English phrase? Yeah. The one thing that he knew in English was yes, no, and no receipt, right? I'm so sorry. I know it. I'm so sorry. And I looked at him with the saddest eyes. A single tear. One single tear. But then he held the bag up, and you're like, right back in. Give it to me. Give it to me. I had to look him in the eye with a sad. droopy fat eyes and go, no receipt. That's right. No receipt. That's sweet. I'm so sorry. I so badly wanted him to not recognize me and be like, oh, you must be a new customer. You're like, they see so many people a day. There's no way that they recognize me. Yeah. No receipt. Turns out. That's right. No receipt. Mike. Hello, Mike. I'm sorry. You don't need to receive, right, Mike? Esparza? Oh, hi, number two with cheese. I want to say, like, maybe he was a listener and he recognized you, but he didn't speak English. No. He listens to La Nueva. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. That's unfortunate. Well, it's in the past. Is it?
Is that all you're getting today, Mike? You don't want the extra fry? Extra fry? Okay, I'm worried about you. Is your health okay? Everything okay? Do you have the flu? Just before. What did you get? Be honest. Don't lie. Or we'll know. I got sold. Before I even got to the window, I was like, ooh, yeah. There was a sign up that said the new spicy chicken and Asiago ranch chicken sandwich. So it was like a fried chicken breast, spicy, with ranch dressing. If you're going to get crack. Go big or go home. Yeah. Go big or go home. Don't go chicken. That's as big as I go. I don't eat burgers. She doesn't eat meat. She doesn't eat meat. I thought we were in an alliance. I thought we were standing strong together.
In some places, it's worse than the burger. It's true. It really is. Especially the fried, breaded. Oh, yeah. I want all out. Jay, don't you treat yourself? Yeah, you do. You treat yourself every once in a while. I try to be good all week. Like Fridays, I'll eat whatever they bring here. But, you know, every morning you guys are ordering out. You don't. Two burritos. I want to end with this. And I'm eating yogurt this morning. Captain Callout. Really? The good thing was I couldn't remember the last time I'd been there. You what? I was like, man, I couldn't remember the last time I had been there. So I felt good about that. Yeah. Not for long. Oh, I remember them. Woods remembers the last time he was at McDonald's. Let me read from Woods' recap. That's his head on the microphone, that noise. He says, hit my usual Monday Big Mac and fries yesterday. Oh, my God. On my way to Little League. Oh, God. By Monday, you mean every day. Monday. Especially Monday. If it ends in Y. Are we sure that they don't take the top of the bun and take a little shaker of cocaine and go put it right in the top? They might. I mean, it's addictive. Why does it taste like that so good?
It's amazing. I don't know. Anything that's fattening is so good. Well, we're moving and we don't have food at home. We've been trying to eat everything out of the pantry and the fridge. And so Jamie goes, well, you're on your own for dinner. And I was like, oh, yeah, no problem. You're like, yes. Do it. And I had a little league game at five. So I was like, yeah, just hit it. It's no big deal. Nobody will know anything. I ate. What did you get? I got a Big Mac. And? Fry. Medium fry. Oh, yeah. What else? Self-control. Coke. End of six pack, 12 pack. 24. 20 pack of nuggets. Milkshake. What kind of milkshake? Chocolate? Oh, vanilla's good. Oh, I never got my stem. Did you spoon it into your mouth or did you drink it through the straw? I drank it through the straw and then I spooned the whipped cream in my mouth with the straw. Whipped cream? Yeah, whipped cream on them now.
Oh, my goodness. It's important. There's pieces of lettuce all over my car. Little shards of lettuce. Why does the lettuce fall everywhere? The lettuce always falls. What is going on with your Little League team? Oh, dude. We have given up in the last two games. 40 runs. 40? 40. 4-0. 40. 40. Do you guys only have one guy on the team? Yes. No, we have 12. We have given up 40 runs in two games. When I walk onto the field, I can feel the parents looking at me going, wow, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. They don't think you're an idiot. No, they do. Maybe call in and tell me that I'm not because when I see them, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I love your kids. I love them. I'm working hard. They know it. Trust me. Those parents. They hate me. They're judging you. They're like, every single dad is thinking he could do a better job. Oh, absolutely. And they're, you know, they've got to be mad. 40 runs. We've lost seven games in a row. We started, like, real hot. Do you guys go to, like, the batting cages and stuff? Yep, go to the cages, try to practice a couple days a week. Well, it's a pitching problem, it sounds like, too, right? It's errors. We make a ton of errors. We made eight errors in one inning yesterday. Eight. You cannot win if you do that. And me as a coach, all I can do is say,
Come on, guys. Get it out. You know, what can I do? I'm losing my mind. You should just start, like, punching things. That usually works. I did kick some bats last night in the dugout because I'm mad. You should bump your chest up against, like, you know, the umps. I don't know what to do. You maybe call a little meeting with the parents and just talk to them and tell them how you feel and that they need to be working at home. I told them that, that they need to be working at home. Talk to the parents so they know where you are. I want to crawl in a hole. I want to dig a hole and crawl into it and never go back. Sounds to me like you need some more practices. When is it over? I don't know. You don't know? It's forever. It goes forever. We have like a month left, month and a half. Will you do it again? I want to because I love the kids, but they're getting frustrated with losing, and then they're starting to kind of be mean to me. The kids are? Yeah. Give me an example. Last night. When they said, hey, Fatty. That was Jay. We're down. We are down. And this is an exhibition game against another league, right? So it doesn't count towards our record. So we're playing the game. We are down 20-3. Yeah.
And we're running out of daylight. It's probably 6.30. It's not very nice to the other coach. Oh, I know. We're down 17 runs. And I looked at the other coach. I go, hey, that's it. We're not going to go another inning. And my guys freaked out on the bench. And they're like, we want to play. We want to play. And I go, why do you want to play now? We're down 17 runs. Why didn't you come ready to play? Because they came. They were screwing around. They weren't serious. They weren't focused. They made a ton of errors. I'm like, why do you want to play now? And so we were kind of like getting into it at the end of the game. I'm like, you show up ready to play, and it ain't 20 to 3. Now you want to play. When we're running out of daylight and we're down 17 runs. I went home, and Jamie was like, oh, wow, must not have gone well. I just went to bed. I went and got in bed. I was so depressed. When are your players going to start to call us? I don't know. I know. I want to talk to them. I should get them in. They'd come in. I'd bring them in sometime, a couple of them. Do they call you Coach Woods? Yeah, they call me Coach. Aw. Coach Woods. Now they just call me D. Yeah, probably. Woods, your Big Mac and Medium Fry's day was a little bit different than Jay's day. From Jay's... Oh, boy. Recap. I'm going to be enraged. Let's leave. Back away from the microphone here. It says... Jay! Started P90X again yesterday. Can't stand him! P stands for perfect. Yeah, P stands for perfect. Clearly. Kim and I are trying to lose 10 pounds. We've gained 10 pounds.
I've been trying real hard to eat right. No soda, no ice cream, no fast food. It's hard to stay on track with all the food temptations around the radio station. Wow. After the workout, we went for a run walk on the beach. After the workout. After P90X. 90 minute workout. Whoa, big time. I'm going to commit to the 90 day workout and see what happens. He'll probably be on a commercial for them. Like, hi, I'm Jay. If you P-words are sitting there at home watching this, you probably should be ordering P90X. Have you seen the old buff guy commercial? Oh, yeah. Where they lift up the shirt and they're like, check on those six bags. It's going to be Jay. That's Jay. I'm going to have it. I think it's cool. It wasn't even enough for me. I did 180 days.
Hi, I'm Jay for P180. I got a 12-pack. Yeah, I got a 12-pack. I'm the first person ever to have a 12-pack. I have four children. I've done P90X, and it's hard, and you can't go for a run walk on the beach after. You can't. Well, a human can't. I can't. I can't. I'm a cyborg. Kim can't, too. We're cyborgs. Yeah. If you're a cyborg, it's pretty easy to do. But a normal fatty like Mikey or Woods? No, they can't do it. They do P15X. Yeah. I've got a goal. I'm going to get to it. Hello, this is Jay for P180X. If you want to be an old cyborg like me, then order P180X. Can I do that again? All right, take two. Then, hi, this is take... What? Jasper. Hi, Jasper. Sorry, Jasper's my eight-year-old. He ran into the frame. He does it, too. Yeah, Jasper does it, too. He's a little cyborg. Yeah. Jasper benches 320. He's eight. He does 360. There's only five days in the year. He doesn't work out. Do you know that I work out eight days a week?
Because I work out twice on Sundays. That's right. Oh, my gosh. It says eight days a week. God, dude. He's a machine. Why is that so fair? It's not fair. No. Come with me. Come with you. Come on. Let's all go. Can you imagine? Hey, come on, Jimmy. Don't quit now, you fat ass. Let's do it together. You're vomiting. Oh, come on. Come on, you big P. Pick up your blood and let's go. Pick up your blood. Hey, and after we're done with this, we're going on an 18-mile bike ride. That's right. And then we're going to have a piece of cucumber and hit the road again. Now you're on board. So Woods has Packers coming over to the house today. Not Green Bay Packers. He's got actual people, moving people coming over to pack him up. Why don't you just pack yourself up? First time. First time. First time I've ever hired Packers. And I'm a little embarrassed. Do they just go through your stuff? I guess. I don't know. Well, they don't rifle through your stuff. Yeah, but I mean, they just take everything out. What do I have? What are they going to find? Maybe a couple of guns. I'll hide those. But, you know, that's it. Well, why don't you tell everybody what you asked us off the air? All right. Here's the debate that's going on in the Woods household. My wife works now. And so I get home, probably get home about 11, 11.15 today. And Packers are coming at 1.
I thought it would be cool to let him in, say, all right, start in the kitchen. After you're done here, go to the master bedroom. The office is already done. The spare bedrooms are done. And you guys are good to go. I'm going to take a nap. It's funny because he's fat. I can't take a nap. You need to be there to supervise. What is going on with you? What if they have questions? I want to take a nap. There has to be one supervisor because they'll have questions for you. What kind of questions? They're going to go. Is it okay if we pack this with this? And you go, no, no, no, no. But I don't care. I'm going to tell them, I'm going to give you guys creative liberty to do whatever you want. Because at the end of the day, it's a four-mile move, and I don't really care. Maybe you can. What if there's a bunch of trash in a drawer, knowing you, and they're like, oh, do I just... Then you say pack everything. Pack everything. And they just pack trash? Yeah, I don't... Contrary to what you may believe, I don't leave... trash in drawer. Thanks to your wife. But, right. But I do. Jamie doesn't. But I don't want to hang out and watch them pack, so I think I'm just going to take it to the house. But you have to be there in case they have questions, and you're not going to be able to fall asleep with people in your house. Woods might be right. Maybe they don't have questions, I'll be. They might, though. But if I give them the creative space. They're just going to be walking around your house, and you're going to be upstairs in bed asleep. Well, and I also have to keep the dogs away from them, so I will have to keep them. So you have to shut a door. Yes.
Whoa. I don't have a problem with that. What? What's the problem? They're high-fiving right now. Didn't your wife pack you the last time all by herself? Yeah, but she lived in Dallas. What could I do? They might have a question like, sir, can I have a glass of water? Have a bowl. Anything, what's mine is yours. Oh my gosh. Here's the check. Thank you guys, and we'll see you Friday when you come to move us. No problem. Why don't you just sit on the couch and turn on the TV and just stay there? Because then I got to hear like... He's right. You're not going to be able to fall asleep with all that going on. He will fall asleep. Oh, yeah. I'll fall asleep. I'll put my earplugs in. He won't. I think he will. I'll put my earplugs in. I'll pull the curtains. I'll take a little nap. You just let strangers in your house. I can't believe they fall asleep. Can you guys tell me this? I believe that your issue is that you think it's rude. It is rude. It's not. But it's weird. There's people in your house and you're just like locking yourself upstairs. Wait, wait, wait. It's not open house, you guys. It's not like strangers are walking around the house. They are strangers. Yeah, they are, but they're there for a job. So? To do something. I'm going to meet the guys.
And tell them, hey, listen, I get up at 3.30. I'm really tired. We got this move coming. It's going to be a pain in the butt weekend. I'm going to take it to the house. And actually, I'll go upstairs. I'll get my work done. And then I'll probably doze off. It would be no different than if I said, hey, I'm going to go to my office and work. But I'm just going to go nap. Yeah, but you're there in case they have a question. But I'm starting to see what you're saying. They may not have a question for you. And if they do, they come knock on your door. Yes, that's fine. And then you get up all disheveled. Disoriented? Sorry, sir. Sorry. Put yourself in the Packers shoes. Would you rather have a guy that was like, hey guys, I'm going to take you to the house, do your thing? Or would you rather have a guy that's like, no, don't put that in there. No, no, guys, come on. They would rather have the guy to go take a nap, but I'm just weirded out that you're so okay with people just cruising around your house. Yeah, that's fine by me. I trust people. Well, yeah, I mean... I'm paying them. Not only that, but if they take something, you kind of know where they came from. Who the culprit is. Yeah, yeah. And I've done it a bunch of times. The Packer bet? Yeah, they don't steal stuff. They're professionals. Yeah, these guys are good. It's just weird. It's not even about stealing. It's just weird. All right, what if I go in the other room and play PlayStation? That's fine. If I just don't go to sleep? Yeah. Okay, fine. I got a middle ground. You say to them, hey guys.
I'm upstairs. If you need me for anything, just let me know. They won't. And they won't. They won't. Done. But at least you've done the courtesy. Courtesy bit. I don't know if you've heard of... You ever just lazy? I don't know if you've heard of Fat Ho Burger. Oh, that ho is big. Oh, boy. That did not sound natural. What's his favorite place? It's the downfall of our society. And we'll tell you what Fat Ho Burger is. Also... Richard Simmons is starring in an airline video. We've got audio. Strap yourselves in. And what about the superbug that's been found in California hospitals that's very resilient and resistant to certain antibiotics? I called Woods this morning and I sang this and I go, do you know what that is? And he goes, no. So I called Jesse, our overnight guy, and I sang it for him and he's like, that might be Beck.
You sang the wrong words. Yeah, I sang the wrong words. If you had sang the words, I would have known it because I love this song. It's so good. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, researchers have done a new study that shows that in areas of the brain that respond to social rejection, basically rejection causes pain to the brain. Actual pain to the brain when you think you're going through a breakup, it's just a broken heart. No, it actually causes some damage. Really? Well, it causes, yeah. It's the same receptors that respond to pain. Scientists use brain imaging on people involved in a romantic breakup, and they found that the social events can affect regions of the brain that scientists thought were only dedicated to physical pain. That's how powerful love is. I know. I mean, it hurts. You say it hurts, but it actually hurts. It literally hurts. Here's a story for Jay.
French daredevil Alan Robert has just climbed the world's tallest building yesterday in Dubai. It is... Broke my record. Dang it. How is his prodigy? And you know what? Prodigy. He's 48 years old, a year older than Jay, too. And it took him just over six hours to climb the half-mile high building. It's over 2,000 feet tall. It's the Burj Khalifa Tower. Just opened last year. You know, just so you know, a little perspective, 160 stories. Oh, wow. What the heck? Sorry, Jay. Oh, wow. It's okay. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, first and foremost, sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Getcha! Every day. Well, let me tell you what. The Padres. Open the season on Thursday. They will be without their ace, Matt Latos. He will start the season on the 15-day disabled list, which is such a bummer. Why? He's got a sore shoulder. Sore shoulder will get you. But Bud Black is still very optimistic about the way the season's going to turn out. Cut one. A lot of guys learned a lot from last year. A lot of our players hadn't been to a pennant race, hadn't played games in September that had the meaning that they did last year. So that's a good thing. Experience is the best teacher.
A lot of our young guys went through that, which was great. Adding to that, some guys who have been there before. It's a good blend. We like our team. You know, it's a tough division. What the? We're listening to Dave Matthews behind him. This part of spring, everything's going well. Yeah. Sounds fun. A little Dave in the background. Yeah, it sounded like a hayride for a minute. And then very quickly, the Lake Elsinore Storm, who is the Padres' single A affiliate. Right. They're having a night that would be pretty interesting to go to. It's the Charlie Sheen. Oh, boy. I'll say that again for you. The Charlie Shinco de Mayo. Oh, Shinco de Mayo. Shinco de Mayo. It's going to be May 5th. Fans will be able to buy beers and Coke products for just a dollar. They'll also receive a limited edition Charlie Sheen bobblehead and an in-game taco eating contest. And a rehab-style party will be parts of the festivities. They will also be retiring his... His number 99, which is what he wore in the movie Major League. Bye. Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo. Hello. Pretty brilliant. I love it. Quite a marketing scheme. Yes, it is. Pretty good. An M1 is somebody that is passionate about the Mikey show, turns other people on to the Mikey show, listens to the Mikey show exclusively, is so passionate about the Mikey show that they marry someone named Rebecca.
They are somebody that is so passionate about the Mikey show that they will photocopy their buns on a photocopy machine and they will write woods on it and they'll try to sell it on eBay and try to sneak it past people. That it's my bottom? That it's your bottom. Someone's going to do that now, probably. Of course. An M1 is somebody that is so passionate about the Mikey show that they will actually take their hand, trace it. make a turkey out of it, and write that that turkey was made by Lauren O'Brien, L-O-B, and they'll try to sell that on eBay. Anything to be a passionate M1, that's what an M1 is. So I just want you to know. Fat Ho Burger. Say again? Fat Ho Burger. I thought you said Fat Ho Burger. That's what it sounded like. Sienna, do you have this news story or do I just play this? You just play it. All right. This is a woman. who has decided that she is going to make a lot of money by calling her place Fat Ho Burger. Our new restaurants in Waco is creating some major buzz. I don't know what the restaurant or the menu, but the name certainly is. Yeah, and when you hear it, you're either totally offended or you think it's genius. Oxford Down England hit the road today and has the details. Hot, juicy burgers. Crispy, topped, and fried. But get this. The name of this new Waco spot.
is quite the surprise. Fat Ho burgers. Really? Seriously? Fat Ho? Everybody's like, oh, we're coming there for lunch and stuff, so there should be a lot of people coming today. Meet me at the Fat Ho? Yeah. Meet me at the Fat Ho? Wow. That's right. Fat, as in hefty. Ho, as in the garden tool? Why? Maybe not. It's not they call people a hoe, it's just that they say, ooh, that hoe is big, or ooh, look at that hoe, it's tight. The owner, 23-year-old Lakita Evans, who worked her way through college to get here, says the name is mostly a little bit of humor in an otherwise serious world around. Wow. Can I just tell you, can I just tell you that Fat Ho Burger...
doesn't have a sign. What they have is a banner that says Fat Ho Burger and it's just sort of willy-nilly taped slash stuck slash pinned. Looks like something, I don't know, your four-year-old son would have made. Yes. In the garage. And if you would have said to your four-year-old son, attach that to the building. On your own. On your own. Daddy's not going to help. Daddy will boost you up high enough to, you know, get it stuck to the wall, but then it's up to you. Look what's going on over there in Japan. I mean, it's quite clear to us that this world's not going to get any better. So why not just give up and be fat old burgers? Wow. I mean, listen. You had an earthquake that caused a tsunami. And if that ain't bad enough, how about the fat hole burger? Might as well. Why not? Why not? Try and be depressed, you know, and say, oh, the economy's bad and yada, yada, yada. You know, somebody got to keep a sense of humor around here. Number one, please. For now, that means.
Lest anybody be offended by Fat Ho Burger, please understand that she's only doing this to add levity to what happened in Japan. Right. So you know it's good. Right. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. She's doing it for Japan. Yes. Pimpin' grilled favorites for a lunch crowd that's spilling out the front door. But everybody is not like that. There's nothing like a white journalist saying, pimping. Pimping. Pimping. She's not white. She's not? She sure sounds like a white journalist. I haven't watched the video. Oh, wow. Have you seen the video? Oh, yeah. Pimping. Pimping. And one of their closest neighboring businesses, just around the corner. The Gospel Cafe and Bookstore. Oh, boy. Folks here at the volunteer-run Religious Cafe wish the burger joint were a little more ho-ly. Oh, boy. Ho-ly. Are you kidding me? Really bad. Ho-ly. Ho-ly. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Mikey's hands are in his head. Sensitive name.
Would have been nice to, you know, to think a little more sensitively. What are you going to have? I got the sloppy hovers kit. The super duper. Oh, my God. The super duper. Hold on. Listen to this guy. And the super duper. Fly ho with cheese. Oh, my God. With cheese. With cheese. The super duper fly ho. Super duper fly ho. With cheese. Somebody has that with a clip. So I walk up to the counter. Oh, good afternoon. Oh, good afternoon. Thanks for coming to Fat Hole Burger. Can I get the... Boy, what you want? I would like the super duper... It's super duper. Excuse me? I would like the super duper... Fly ho burger. That's a good choice. Okay, and... How you want it cooked? What would you recommend? Medium whale. Sorry? Medium whale. Okay. You want onion? Come again? Do you want onion? Would I like some onion? Onion! Yes, sir. Ma'am. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't see your... See that? It says Mel. It's short for Melanie. Hi, Melanie. Hello. It's wonderful to meet you.
Does the Supa Dupa Fly Ho burger with cheese come with any sort of a drink? Yeah, whatever you want. Pepsi, Coke, Sprite. Pimpsy? Pimpsy. Pimpsy. You want Pimpsy? I'll make you some pimp juice. It's just high C and Coke mix. Can I ask a question about one of the drinks on the show? Take your time. What is Fanta? Oh, Fanta? Mm-hmm. It's just flavored soda. Okay. Orange and strawberry. Okay. You have orange and strawberry flavored soda? Is that what you're telling me? Mm-hmm. Orange soda? Mm-hmm. So I said orange. Okay. All right. All right. Melanie, I'll take some of that then. Oh, by the way, the burger reviews are pretty good. And that name... It's 2011. Anything's possible. In Waco, Dionne Anglin, Fox 4 News. Fat Ho Burgers. Let's go. Coming to a neighborhood near you. Really? Seriously? Fat Ho? That's a great one. The super duper fly. What is it? Super duper. Ooh, that ho is big. Super duper fly with cheese. Super duper fly ho. Super duper fly ho. With cheese.
Well, I saw the news story, too. There are literally 80 people in line waiting to eat at this place. I mean, if you hear it's in your town, you're like, I've got to go to the Fat Hope Burger. I have to try one. I've got to try one. No, you've got to get a t-shirt. How long until she's a celebrity? I mean, seriously. Listen, you know me. I think it's ridiculous. I don't want there to be a... Fat ho burger because I don't want to have to explain to my kid. What did I say yesterday? And Jake goes, what do you mean? You're like, oh, boy. What did I say? I'll remember right now. I said, I think it had to do with you, Woods. I said something. Weird. Did I say something and he heard me? Oh, I can't tell you what it is because it has to do with something that is a secret that we're going to be talking about pretty soon. But, you know, I was knocking around some ideas. And one of the ideas had something in it. And Jake goes, one of the words was, he goes, what is assault? Assault? Yeah. What is assault? Oh, boy. I didn't assault anybody. No. FYI. And I go, oh. That's like if you beat somebody up. And he goes.
There's nothing to get you back in your headspace than a four-year-old going, beat somebody up. You know, they repeat what you say. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You're like, oh, wow. Sponges. Yes. They're sponges. By the way, do you know the big industrial size cranberry juices that they sell at Costco? I mean, the big giant ones. The big dogs. Luke picked one of those up like it was nothing. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Super baby. He's a year and a half. Jake would have struggled with that. He could have got it, but he would have, you know, and he's four. Ryan, not a chance. Luke is the smallest of all of our three kids at that age. And he has this weird freakish strength. In fact, my mother-in-law, Jean, saw something on TV about this baby that had this freakish strength.
And she goes, you guys, I've seen Luke do the same thing as this baby I saw on TV. He's got this weird strength. He we have the baby gates and he'll put his hands up on it and he'll lift himself all the way to the chin. That's the same thing you do, right? Not even. Not even taller than Mike. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, freaky. Oh, OK. Wait. All right, so I've got to play this for you. Richard Simmons is starring in an airline video. I haven't heard it. I just know I want to. He's starring in an airline safety video. It's a New Zealand airline. Okay. Kia ora, and welcome aboard this day, a New Zealand flight. Before we take off, we'd like to run you through a few in-flight safety exercises. The only way is out. Hi, everybody. Next three minutes, we're going to work hard, work out, and get you fit to fly.
First, let's stretch it out and lose that baggage. What's he wearing? What's he wearing? His usual 80s get up. His usual dolphin shorts. Oh, my gosh. He's wearing a blue sequined tank top. And he has a backup dance team that's all dressed 80s. Of course he does. Everyone's in 80s. There's like 20 people dancing behind him. 65-year-old white guy afro. I'm going to post this on my blog. How has he stayed relevant for so long? I only hope that he lives long enough for my children to enjoy it. Yes. 100%. Stretch it up to the overhead locker or slide it under the seat in front of you. Stretch and slide. Yeah. You're a giraffe. Now it's seatbelt time. When the seatbelt sign comes on, buckle it in. Grab, click. Pull. Grab. Click. Pull. Nice and snug. Low across the hips. But not too tight. And to undo your belt, just lift the flap. No sweat. Remember, you must follow crew instructions and light a sign. If your oxygen mask drops down, it's time to take a breather. Oxygen. Oxygen. Oxygen. Oxygen. Maybe retake. You guys ever want a Carmen Miranda hat on Halloween? You have to see this video. Put down over your nose and mouth.
pull the elastic tight, and then breathe normally. And remember, put your mask on first before you help others. Don't worry, if the bag's feeling a little flat, the oxygen will flow. Question. You're, you know, you're from New Zealand. You're not familiar with Richard Simmons. What's going through your mind? Your jaw. You're like... You're at the circus. I think everybody's familiar with this guy. I bet you he's like a New Zealand icon. He's like Hasselhoff in Germany. Everybody loves him there. He's like Jerry Lewis in France. Richard Simmons in Dance with the Oldies, it does okay in the U.S., but in New Zealand. He's huge in Belgium, New Zealand. Holland. I have to treat my Kiwis right. You think that guy has any Liza records? Barbra Streisand? Barbra Streisand? Do you think that he's ever cried at a Barbra Streisand concert? Barbra's a friend. She's a personal friend. She's a friend. You think he's ever been to a Celine Dion show in Vegas? A review. Do you think he owns stock in Vaseline? Holy cow.
Oh, my God. Oh, my face just started twitching. Face on the seat in front of you. Or, this is one of my favorites. It's called a duck. Flat feet, elbows outside your thighs, hands on your head, and duck on down. Duck! Duck! Let's see where your life jacket's at. They're like, I just want to fly. I just want to get to where I'm going, please. Imagine you're a New Zealander, hungover, just got on the flight. All you want to do and all you can think about is sleeping for 16 hours LAX. Hey, everybody, do what I do. Out of the pouch, over the head, clip together around, pull it tight, and get those arms moving. I just want a freaking slate, please. Pull it when you step, step, step. Stay with us! If your life jacket's short on air... Please turn this, Dan. I can't air myself. Yeah, you're pumping it up. And if you've got an infant on board, the crew has a jacket for your baby. And sorry, this flight is strictly non-smoking. It's a safety hazard. So the captain says... Oh my gosh. How much does one get?
paid. How much does Richard get paid? A lot. A hundred grand, I bet. A hundred grand, do you think? I hope it gets syndicated, if you want to call it, and it gets put on all the airlines. No, you don't. I'd be in such a good mood. I would be, too. I'd be furious. Okay, another situation. I would know everything about flying. You just got on your flight in New Zealand to fly to your uncle's funeral. Back in the States. You're like... If the lights go out in an emergency and the lights come on down here, it's time to move. Look around and see if you need your help. These lights lead you to the exit. Come on, everyone. Let's pony. Oh, my God. Can't go live. I'd lose my mind. Excuse me, stay with us, but I'm flying to my uncle's funeral. I wonder if you could turn the mic down on the television a little bit. Jelly. Yeah, it's very loud. The lassie. The lassie up there on the... Sheila. No, that's actually... Sheila. It's not a Sheila. That's actually a man, mate. It's a bloke. Yeah, it's a... It's Richard Simmons. Can you turn the disco, Dan? I'm not. So count the rows and see... Two, three, four. I'm on a plane full of crazies.
Stop broadcasting, buddy. She slapped his butt. Electronic devices, even the cool ones, can interfere with our systems during takeoff and landing. So switch it off. He holds his iPhone up. Flight mode first, then turn it off. You can use it later in the flight. We're nearly done. What we need to tell you is at this point in the video, he's completely new. Three tables back, seat up right, seatbelt on. Fantastic. Maybe they're trying to increase alcohol sales on the plane, I think. That would work. Oh, I love it. Give me a scotch stat. Thank you for flying Gay Airline. It's a brand new airline called Gay Airline. Thank you for flying Gay Airline. Now we're going to go through our safety film. Hasty boy, Richard Simmons. That's so good. Come on now, work it! I love it. Oh, it's awful. Oh, hi, you're so teeny. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Although if I wanted to sleep and that was on, I'd be like, shut up! Oh, my gosh. Oh, there's nothing to get you in a good mood like Richard Simmons. Or a terrible mood. I love it. I saw Julia Roberts on TV the other day because the real Erin Brockovich.
is at it again because that town, the movie she made. It's back in the news. Anyway, they were showing this guy that was so into Julia Roberts that he had 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts. Wow. And then I was reading that last week some dude got winning on his leg because of Charlie Sheen. I had an infatuation with Brooke Shields. Used to have my room wallpapered in, you know, I would cut out of magazines pictures of her and put them all over my room. Brooke Shields. You have one, Woods? Yeah, mine were baseball guys. Who? Is that weird? All the Yankees. Yeah. Yeah, all of them. How about you, L.O.B.? New Kids on the Block were a big player for me, and then Michael Jordan, weird. Weird. Yeah. Michael Jordan. L.O.B. If...
You were infatuated with something or infatuated with celebrity or infatuated with anything. A TV show, you know, that you were into. Got one of those, too. 570-1949. So in an hour, we're going to be doing Who's the Bigger Hayseed? Yeah. Hayseed Challenge. Yeah, the Hayseed Challenge. And it'll be between Woods and Jay. Both of them are from Texas. Sometimes they'll get into arguments and one tries to out-text us the other. So Sienna's come up with some questions. We'll ask him. The loser will have to wear a hayseed outfit. Great. I'll tell you this. It's going to include overalls with no shirt. Oh, wonderful. Oh, yeah. Hope it's not me. You guys are going outside. It's going to be great.
What celebrity were you obsessed with? Are you obsessed with what TV show, what movie, whatever? And you had dorky stuff. For whatever reason, I was obsessed with Jaws 2. I had playing cards that I put in a photo album. Thank you. I was a big Silver Spoons fan. Do you remember that show with Ricky Schroeder? Oh, my. Oh, yeah. I wrote him and Alfonso Ribeiro letters. What did they say? I really like your show. Just really into it. And they sent you pictures back. Pictures, autographed pictures. Fantastic. I wish you still had them. Oh, me too. I had a picture framed of Jonathan Taylor Thomas in my room. I remember you told us that. I had a bunch of framed, like, new kids on the block. the buttons, the t-shirts, and I went to one of their concerts and I was like, okay, next time I have to have a plan for what I'm going to say to them. Because I wasn't prepared. So what was your plan? I was going to go after Joey because he was the youngest. Joey McIntyre. Yes, Joey McIntyre. And the easiest. Yes, and I thought that I could be in their music video and I was going to show them the way that I had practiced looking out the window with tears going down my eyes as the rain came down the window.
Lauren, that's... Speechless. I feel like it would have worked. Speechless. Lauren! Speechless. That's amazing. Yeah, I know. If only you'd done it. If only you'd told him. I feel like I'd be famous by now. If we ever get him on the phone, I want you to... like you would have done. He's probably in the phone book. He's probably not doing much. I used to be able to make myself cry too. So my plan was I was going to get myself upset and worked up and show him how it was going to work. And then you could come in and comfort me. That's incredible. It would have been so good. I appreciate you so much. You've really opened up on this. Thank you and thank you. That was great. M1 Tommy from Poway, are you there? Did you ever plan to talk to Joey McIntyre and cry and show him how you would be in his video? Never mind. Never mind. What were you obsessed with, Tommy? I'll throw a name at you. Juan Luis Pedro Filippo de Juevos.
Menudo? Oh, my gosh. That's... It's Welcome Back, Cotter. Welcome Back, Cotter. Welcome Back, Cotter. Holy cow. I love, love Welcome Back, Cotter. Oh, dude. I'm just a huge fan. As a matter of fact, as a matter of fact... Is that your ringtone? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I play it all the time. Oh, my gosh. Is that like your... What is that? Where do you have it? Well, I have a Welcome Back Cotter room. Holy cow. I have several TVs. I have a big screen TV and then little TVs. And I play all my Welcome Back Cotter reruns. I actually have a giant plasticine nose on the wall with a hose in it. Oh, my gosh. Up your nose with a rubber hose. Up your nose with a rubber hose. You actually have a big giant nose. How old are you, sir?
I'm 49. You're 49 years of age. And I'm assuming single. No, actually not. Oh, you're married. My life partner and I are into this. You are a gay man. You're a gay man. Yes. Okay. When you met him, did he have a problem with your Welcome Back Cotter stuff? That was the bond that linked us. Did you meet in a Welcome Back Cotter chat room?
Did you meet Rebecca in an Apple chat room? He likes something. I know, but he said that was the link that bounded that. Maybe at a concert or something. A concert? Yes. It's a TV show. A Welcome Back Cotter concert? I don't know. It's Gabe Kaplan up there. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Welcome Back Cotter concert. Welcome back to the Welcome Back Cotter concert. Hey, by the way, if you're meeting somebody for the first time, too. No, we're not making fun. No, no, no. Sports fans have rooms of the Chargers room and their Charger chair with a Charger blanket. He has a hobby and he likes it. Yeah, I want to know if they've met at something that specifically had to do with it. A convention. Actually, no, we met at school because I did my college thesis on the social manifestations. Welcome back, Cotter. Of course you did. Why not? Why not? He's a fan. He's a fan of it. A loyal fan. Smart fan. Have you ever met Gabe Kaplan? Oh, wow. Oh, wow. What was that? Was that one of your things? Yeah, it was pretty cool. I got pictures of him. I met Freddie Boom Boom Washington, Benny Barbarino, Arnold Horschach. That's awesome. All those guys. That is fantastic. That is fantastic. That's taking it to a new level. Who's the bigger fan, you or your life partner? I'm probably a bigger fan since I...
I've spent most of my educational career studying Welcome Back, Cotter, and how it relates to society. There was a loud collision between aesthetics and technology that really resounds in the thematic undertones of Welcome Back, Cotter. It's high modernism, and instinctively the public resists Welcome Back, Cotter, but to hold sway over society in a way that this show did for years and years, One, people exude a sort of welcome back, Potter. You had me at up your nose with a rubber. Yeah. He had me at thematic. You had me at thematic. Oh, wow. It's not like a real stuffed pig. It's a plastic pig, and it looks like it's sweaty. Sweat, huh? Tommy from Poway, you may be the greatest call. In the history of calls. I think he just won a backstage pass. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I should send you pictures of my... I've got action figures. Love it. I'd love to see pictures. Please. YouTube video. Did I mention my Freddie Boom Boom Washington fathead? Yeah, no, you didn't. You've got the fathead, the big sticker on the wall. It's him. Wow. Oh, wow. You know, like most people have like a Philip Rivers fathead. I've got Freddie Boom Boom Washington. It's like life-size. First of all, we need one.
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. We do. Second of all, does your life partner ever roll his eyes and go, enough with the Welcome Back Cotter? I know you're both fans, but you know more than he does. Actually, when I cranked the theme, he's like, turn it down. I'm like, dude, I'm jamming out to Welcome Back. Do you ever get sick of the song? No, I never get sick of this song. Hell no. Tommy, every time I say welcome back to somebody, this is no joke, I can't help but go, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Every time I say welcome back now, I'm going to go, Tommy. Tommy. Absolutely. Anytime the word welcome or back is said on this program for the history or for the, you know, any time. Yeah, the duration. Tommy. Tommy. Welcome back to the Mikey Show.
Tommy. You know what you got to do? When someone says welcome back, you got to say your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about. Well, the names have all changed since you hung around, but those dreams have remained and they're all turned around. Wow. I am so impressed by you. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable. I want to know you. Here's impressed. Here's where I am. I want to know you. I thought I was. I had none to see the room. I thought I was fanatical about stuff. I'm not. You don't have a fat head of Boom Boom Washington. No. And you also don't have a big nose on your wall with a rubber hose in it. Correct. You should, though. Tommy does. Tommy does. I do. Wow. I'm floored. Wow. And you're welcome, Tommy. Tommy. Wow. Wow, dude. I love it. Wow, dude. It's impressive. Thank you, Tommy. That's my story. I'm sticking with it. You can come in anytime. Thank you. Beautiful story. A love story, really. Really, truly. It's shocking. I love this song. So, next caller, top that. Yeah. Good luck. It's unbelievable.
You can't. Where do you go? Where do you go from there? I don't think you can. I've seen every episode of Who's the Boss? One time I met Kirk Hammond. I can sing the Family Tire songs. M1 Llama from Encinitas. Hi, Mikey. Hello. I cried many, many nights over the Backstreet Boys. Do you have a Backstreet Boy fathead on your wall? No, I don't, but I do have Backstreet Boy pillows and a website that's still up that I can't get rid of. A website? I don't need that address. What's the web address? What's the address? What's the web address? I'll tell you guys, but I don't want everybody in the world to know. Why? Why? Why? Let's put her on mute. Why? On mute. M1 Llama, why don't you want the traffic? Because there's a picture of me, and there's a little scrolling bar that says, Hi, my name is Lindsay, and I'm 13 years old, and welcome to my Backstreet Boy paradise. I need to see it. Please give me the address. Okay, hang on the line. Hang on the line. Chris, get the web address so that we can look at it. Everyone wants to look at it, though. It's not fair. I know. I'll post a link to my blog later. It's no big deal. If she doesn't want us to, we won't, but I will describe it in detail. Let me add her. I can get her.
Okay, let me talk to her. Hey, let me talk to her when you're done. We can talk to her? Sienna? Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Llama? He didn't get the entire address. Oh, he didn't? Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Llama? Wait, let him get the entire address. And then I'm going to let you work on her. Okay. What are you going to do? I don't know yet. You're going to work some magic? No, we'll see. I honestly have no idea. I haven't thought of one thing. I just really don't want us to see it. I want everyone to see it. I do too. So I'm not going to stop. You're just going to go at it. You're going to get after it until she gives it up. Yeah, because everyone in their car or listening right now wants to see this just as much as I do. So it's not fair to them. So I'm not going to give up. I hope you can do this. Okay, we're ready? Will you talk to her? Llama. Llama. Yeah. I would do anything for the website address. You can come in for Backstage Pass. I'm just going to say that right now. You can bring a couple friends in. You could come to my birthday party. You could do anything. My birthday is this weekend. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet. You're welcome. The joy I felt when you said you have this website.
I mean, you made it when you were 13. We all did really, really dumb things when we were 13. So we're not going to hold it against you. In fact, everyone is finding a common ground because we all do these things and everyone instantly liked you because of it. Immediately. And wanted to be your friend. proof out there, and every time I go for a job, I'm afraid somebody's going to find it. It's endearing. I was a recruiter. It's endearing. It's so endearing. It's not like you assaulted the best two boys. I'm so endeared to you right now. In fact, you were very web-savvy at the age of 13, which is nothing but impressive. That's a skill set. I'm telling you, I'm almost 26 years old, and I couldn't do a website if I tried. Sienna can't even log into Twitter. I can't. I cannot. First of all, you're impressed. and a genius. Gosh, you're impressive. A genius. You're so impressive. You know, and I have a feeling you're gorgeous because your voice is like butter. Topless? That was weird. Now, please just tell me the website because everyone wants to see it and wants to be your friend. And wants to be your friend.
I thought I gave it. Did you guys? Yeah, you did, but we want to give it on the air. You know, people are listening and people are going to want. We'll give you a pass to see the Lincoln lawyer. We can play a clip of Santa Baby or Woods' interview. We'll give you some angel sunglasses. Or anarchy if you have a man friend. Yeah. Okay. Okay, here we go, here we go. I'm going to regret this song. No, you won't. No, you won't. You're a lovely person. All right, fire away. V as in Victor, A as in Apple, slash BSB Paradise. Oh, wow. BS what? B. BSB Paradise. Slash. Oh, boy. Backup.html. I guess I had a backup version of it. .html. It's a nice short website. Yeah, so real easy to remember. Welcome to my BSB Paradise, it says.
I don't see a picture of you. There is no picture of you. There's an about me section on that. By the way, this page was born on my birthday, 1999. Oh, it's fake. It says, hello to all the Backstreet Boy fans out there. My name is Lindsay and I'm 13 years old. I am absolutely obsessed, in all caps, with the Backstreet Boys. Please feel free to check out the rest of my site. But is there anything else on here? Oh, yeah. Do you see the left-hand side? There's like a... Oh, here it is. Cool stuff. If you go to like About Me. About Me under cool stuff. Mine is nothing. Bottom left. Oh, I see it. It's the bottom. Oh, there she is. Lizzie, you're so cute. Wait, where? Where? Where do I go? See the blue column on the left-hand side? I don't have the blue column. What am I looking for? Yes, you do. At the very bottom, the last thing it says about me. She's sitting by a fireplace. She's so cute. Oh, you're adorable. You're so cute, Lindsay. Oh, I know this Lindsay. You do? Yeah. Yeah, we've talked on Facebook. Oh, my gosh. It's the cutest thing. Can I join your pen pal list on here? Maybe. Lindsay, how old are you now? I'm 24 now. Oh, maybe send us some pictures now. Lindsay, her favorite food, ice cream sandwich. Ice cream sandwich. Spelled wrong.
Her favorite Backstreet Boy was Brian Latrell. Well, of course. My favorite color is blue, too. I like skiing and swimming and golf. Hey, and it looks like your favorite actor is... Adam Sandler. And your favorite actresses are Tia and Tamera. I don't know who that is. The twins. Sister, sister, Tia Tamera. And your favorite movie was Austin Collins. Lucy, you just let me know if you want to come to my birthday this weekend. You're invited. We'll give you a car, too. Send me an email. See you at mikeyshow.com. You got a backstage pass if you want to come in. Do you want to come in for a backstage pass? Absolutely. Oh, she deserves it. Thank you so much. How did you make this when you were 13? This is impressive. It's fantastic. Were your parents like, really, with the website bit you're doing right now? They were worried because I kind of got antisocial. Well, yeah, and back then, it was probably like $500 to start a website. You guys, this is a great website. It says Backstreet Boy News. This is fascinating. Happy birthday, Brian, born on February 20th. I mean, there's so much news. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I'm signing up right now. There are weekly quotes. There's weekly quotes. The last quote that's on here is, we've all got pretty smelly feet from Brian. He said that.
You know what's incredible is that this website probably hasn't been accessed for 10 years. The website was just like, holy cow, what just happened? What just happened? Somebody just came here. What's going on? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Is Sprite still your favorite drink? It's actually Coca-Cola now. Okay. Got it. Got it. Still a Coca-Cola product. You know, Sprite was a Coca-Cola product. That's true. Oh, Lindsay, you're the best. There's a guest book. Yes. Oh, yeah. Sign the guest book. Lindsay, we are going to put you on hold, and Chris is going to give you information about how to come in for the backstage pass on Friday. And she's moving to the East Coast, so we've got to get her in. We've got to get you in here. I'm just going to post this link on our Facebook page real quick. Hang on, okay? Yeah, okay. Hang on. What a sweetheart. She's amazing. I just signed up for Backstreet Boys Fan of the Week. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be honored as a fan of the week. Holy cow. I might love this song. Might? I can't believe she gave it to me. I'm a 40-year-old adult man. I like this song. Fate that it was built on your birthday. Last updated, February 16th of 2000. Wow. 11 years ago. Wow. Wait a minute. What was the date? February 16th of 2000. So, February 18th.
I'm over it. I'm over this. I'm tired. I'm not doing Fan of the Week anymore. She got a boyfriend. Screw those guys. Screw those guys. I just posted the link. If you missed it, it's now on our Mikey Show Facebook page. There's a number we could leave a voicemail, too, to her voicemail box if we wanted. I wonder if it's still around. You know what? I could care less. Lindsay, you're not working on your website? No, Mom, I'm not. Why? Brian got married. Lindsay, I'm worried about you. Why? I don't care about him. He's stupid, and so are all of them. You started this website, though. I know. I don't care about it. Darling. Websites are stupid. Anyway, the internet's going to be gone. Lindsay? What? I paid $900,000 for that 386 that you're using. So? And I also paid $500.
for angelfire slash backstreet dot bsbparadise backslash backup dot html. So what? So what? So he's an idiot. Who's an idiot? Right. No. He got buried. Oh, for goodness sake. It's incredible. Just when I thought the cotter couldn't be topped. Look at that. She's sitting by a fireplace in a picture just wearing socks. And clothes. Do you guys realize that there was no way in the world we could top Welcome Back Connor? I know. And then Lindsay called. Yeah, we did. It's incredible. Thank God she gave us a website. I know. Wow. I was hurt, sad, and fearful. I'm like, I am getting this website. You know what? Props, Sienna. Props to you. Holy cow. Do you like how you pulled the little kid? You can come to my birthday party. That's what you do when you're a little kid if you're mad at your friend. You can't come to my birthday party. You know what? It works. You can still come, Lindsay, even though I don't know what I'm doing. Yesterday we talked about whether or not Jose Canseco might be a little... Well, some of you may not know that he has a twin brother, Ozzy.
Of course. And wait until I tell you what he just got busted for trying to do using his twin brother to pose as him. That's nice. Brian May used to play his guitar with a British penny. That's right. Oh. Whenever you hear him playing guitar, you can know that that was a British penny that he used as a pick. It's pretty rad. Pretty. Who's the lead singer? Freddie Mercury. Hey. Badass voice, didn't he? One of the best. They're going to be doing a new movie about him. Sacha Baron Cohen is playing him. It's going to be awesome. Is it serious? Yeah, it's like a biopic. Watch him win an Oscar. Dude, he's going to be phenomenal. He looks like him. He does. He'll probably win an Oscar. I'm going to see that for sure. He's got the Jose Canseco twin thing coming up here in just a second.
Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, Mike, this one's for you. The city of San Diego has passed new medical marijuana regulations. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yesterday, San Diego City Council voted to confine marijuana dispensaries to light industrial and commercial areas of the city. Oh, okay, so they're making it harder to get one. Yes. At least 600 feet from homes and other sensitive areas. They're saying the new restrictions are incorporated in two ordinances, one on zoning restrictions and the other on public safety. Let me be really clear. that are genuinely medical, I absolutely, if marijuana is a viable alternative, I would absolutely be for that because I can't imagine, I can never look anybody in the eye that would genuinely need that. Thank you, Mikey. My problem is the people that are taking advantage of it, which I think that there's a lot of people that are taking advantage of it. In fact, I think that there's more than less. Hey, Mikey. What if you got to work? Mikey. Yes, stoner guy. It's Pothead Bob. Hi, Pothead Bob. What's up? Too much. What's going on? I went to a baseball game, and they were out of hot dogs, so I made a hemp dog. You made a hot dog out of hemp? It was a hemp dog. Hemp has a lot of uses that you and Woods, the idiots, don't know about. Like what? I just told you. A hot dog? I made a hot dog out of it. Yeah, but you can't use hemp for everything. Everything. What about if you broke your TV? I just plug it up with a little hemp. I ran out of batteries in my remote, and I put hemp in it, and it worked. Did it work?
Yeah. Of course it worked. Of course it worked. Because hemp works for everything. This is Pothead Bob signing off. All right. Thank you. Bye, Pothead Bob. Bye. Now this next one Lauren will like and I liked as well. Scientists have proven. Black men. No. Scientists. Are attractive. True. It's science. Scientists have proven that itching really can be contagious. There were some dermatologists that did a study and they believe itching becomes contagious because the brain becomes hypersensitive when someone nearby scratches. And so it misinterprets any kind of physical sensation on our skin as an itch. It's so true. You hear that someone has lice, you're like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I believe if you look at somebody and they are scratching their nose, you're like, immediately you go to your nose. You're like, what? Doesn't do it with me, but I understand that it can happen with some people. If you talk about having lice or bed bugs, I'm like, that's it. That's it. That's it. That got to be quarantine. I'm done. Yeah. All right. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, there is a ton going on in the trial of...
former home run king Barry Bonds in his steroid trial. Basically, this trial is for his perjury charge. So they called up his ex-girlfriend yesterday, Kimberly Bell, and were asking her all sorts of questions about what was Barry acting like? What did he say that he used steroids? How big were his testicles? They asked her that question. Did his testicles shrink in the time you met him? And in fact, she admitted that they had. I was in the pool. If she says yes, the logical next question is, by how much? Right. Oh, my God. Approximately three and a half centimeters. Exactly. Here, we have a bowl full of round-shaped things. Could you show us? Please compare. Before and after. So a walnut and a blueberry, is that what you're, is that your? She's got a bowl in front of her, and she's like, hmm. No. Not the tennis ball. No. Not the golf ball. Yep, this one, yeah. That's it. No, no. Yeah, that is it. Let the court note that is a blueberry that she has chosen for Exhibit B. Another interesting witness they had yesterday was the clubhouse manager from the Giants. They said his hat size went up a full size in one year. Wow.
I've worn the same hat since sophomore year in high school, junior year in high school. His head looks more normal now. One full size in a year. Barry, come on, Barry. Barry. Barry. Also, this is a pretty crazy story. I didn't use steroids. I promise I didn't. I don't care what you say. I didn't use steroids. I'm never going to say I did because I didn't. And why would I? I'm not going to admit something I didn't do. Exact Mickey Mouse. He's sitting there in front of the courtroom with breasts. I didn't. I didn't. And I wouldn't. And I won't. And I didn't. And I won't ever. No. Also, there's more news about Dez Bryant, who plays for the Dallas Cowboys. He was in a little trouble, got in a yelling match at a mall, cursed out a couple cops, you know, the usual Dallas Cowboys offseason. And now he is being sued for non-payment of $246,000 worth of jewelry that he had to have. Wow. He purchased jewelry, didn't pay his bills, and now he's being sued. He bought a $60,000 custom charm bracelet.
Which is very interesting. It's nice, though. It looks really nice on my wrist there. Oh, it's beautiful. I think it looks great. I feel like, yeah. So they are now suing him for nonpayment. So he's not having a very good offseason. I think he needs football back more than ever. An M1 is a Mikey Show fanatic that listens nonstop. An M1 is somebody that goes and gets, if they're a guy, gets their shoe size a couple of sizes smaller just so they can be like me. Petite. Makes their own cologne because Mikey makes his. Sure. You go to the barber and you ask for a PHC, a perfect haircut, because that's what Woods calls it. PHC. That's what an M1 does. An M1 is fanatical about the Mikey show. An M1 won't eat like Woods. Won't eat like them? Won't. It's killing me! It's on me! Ah! Still doesn't get it. Woods is just looking at his paper like, I don't really understand. We were giving things that you would do. Woods just busted out. Jay just busts out with a Woods' fat joke. Yeah. Works. He jumps at any opportunity, even when it doesn't apply. Even when it doesn't apply. Yeah. Just wants to get that out there. Yeah. In just a few minutes, 16 minutes, we will be doing the...
Who's the bigger hayseed contest? And the loser will have to put on a pair of overalls with no shirt. Now, the two contestants are Woods and Jay. I think everyone should be able to get in on this. What? I don't think so. We don't fight about Texas. They're not from Texas. Come on. So, I don't want to do it. Loser has to. I don't want to do it either. Oh, it looks chilly. I don't want to do this. I don't blame you, Woods. Too late. I don't want to do it. I don't blame you. Can we call an audible? We cannot. We got to do it now because we said we'll do it. I'll drink this whole bottle of Frank's Red Hot. Wow. That might be worth it. So Jose Canseco, he is a little – is he Lulu? Man, he has gone crazy in the last few years. And he wrote this book called Juiced. And basically it was this tell-all about Major League Baseball and how – All these players are on steroids. And how he, Jose, used to shoot them up. He said in the bowels of Arlington Stadium in Texas, he would have seven, eight guys, big names. Pudge Rodriguez, Juan Gonzalez, Mikey. And he would shoot them up with steroids. And he was the guy. He could get them. He got them for guys on other teams. So immediately when you rat on a fraternity that big, you're out.
You're blackballed, you're banned. He wanted to be a hitting coach. He wanted to be involved in an organization. And because he ran his mouth, he couldn't. So the last few years, he's been doing celebrity boxing, which is what anybody would turn to when they're down and out. Right. Well, this guy sets up a fight and shows up to fight. And they looked at the guy that came to fight and they said, it's not Jose Canseco. It was his brother. It was Ozzy Canseco. His twin brother. His twin brother. I guess Jose has a barbed wire tattoo around his bicep. Weird. And Ozzy doesn't have one. So they were looking. They're like, it's not Jose. That's Ozzy. And he had taken $5,000 of this promoter's money and was going to get the other five after completion and sent his brother instead. That's one of the wackier stories. Yeah. You want to hear something even wackier? Guess who was supposed to be in Jose's corner as one of his corner men? Who? Michael Lohan. Are you kidding? Oh, my gosh. That guy's a head case, too. Oh, my gosh. Dude. Did he not think to even do, like, a fake that he thought people wouldn't notice? I guess. I mean, they do look alike, but if, like, you're looking for Jose Canseco and doesn't really, I mean, they look somewhat alike. They're twins, but the older twins get kind of the more, you know, they kind of grow into their own bodies and whatever. Like J and I.
Yes, exactly. We look different now that we've gotten older. You guys used to look so much better. But he really thought he'd get away with it. And that's this, he's lost his mind. M1, Jeremy from San Diego. Hey, how you doing? This is Mikey. Good. We're right here about this whole Jose Canseco thing. I met him when I lived in Northern California when him and McGuire were playing for the A's known as the Bash Brothers. The Bash Brothers. Yep. This is no joke. I watched it happen with my own eyes. In a mall in a city called Pleasanton, little 10-year-old kid comes running up to Canseco by himself. He's so excited. He's meeting his idol, asking him for an autograph. Canseco from the kid. It'll be 20 bucks, kid. Canseco pulls the pen back up off the paper, hands it back to the kid and says, well, I guess you don't have an autograph. Get away from him. Not surprised at all. So mean. I would not throw a bucket of water on this guy if he was on fire and screaming bloody murder. Agreed. Wow. Wow.
Oh, wow. Like I said, it's not secondhand story. I watched it happen, guys. Wow. Now, McGuire is a very, very nice guy. Yeah, and he's back in the game. He's the hitting coach for the Cardinals. And he admitted, yeah, I did steroids, and I'm sorry. And it took him a while to admit it. But, you know, he didn't rat on anybody else. That's the big difference is Jose really blew the whistle on the entire league and kind of brought – he looked like a lunatic at first. But he brought the league to its knees. This is where all this comes from is his allegations and really his facts that he presented. He, as a credible news source, absolutely he's credible because he was there. But is it something you do? I don't know. Hey, Jeremy. You know what, though, guys? I was so glad to see him get his butt whooped by that seven-foot-tall Chinese guy in MMA. I've never seen him fight. Hey, thanks for the call, bro. I appreciate it. That's gnarly. You know what's even weirder is his brother went. Yeah, his brother went and did it. Who's the kookier one? He probably told him, you know, I'll give you some money. You know, that takes a whole different, like, what's going on upstairs to tell a kid that? And then have the...
the rocks to walk away from the kid. Yeah. And I'll tell you what, man, back in when he's talking about the time he's talking about, I will never forget it as long as I live. It was 1987, 88. We all collected Topps baseball cards. They had the wood grain around the, I'll never forget these cards. That card that summer was the card. There was two cards, Canseco and Maguire. And if you had to have them, you'd steal. these things if you found them. I mean, that's how everybody was in on these guys. They were the hottest players in baseball. Bash Brothers. And dude, everybody. My Little League, we all did the bash with the arms. We'd put your arm up. We'd do that bit just like they did. Everybody was in on these guys. So that kid literally probably was going to wet his pants. He was so excited. Can you imagine? You're a monster. You're a monster. My hero, that's a whole topic in and of itself is meeting your hero and did they live up to the expectation. Yeah. And I remember when I met Eddie Van Halen and I was such a Van Halen psycho. Like, you know, I had it on my license plate. I had everything Van Halen and I was just like, I was such a crazy Van Halen fan.
He was nice. I got to go to the video. They were shooting a video and I got to go to it. And he was in the video. He was in a big ice sculpture and he was wearing gloves. And it was, you know, during a break, he was cutting the fingertips off of the gloves with a pair of scissors. And I was sitting at a bench and I didn't realize that he was standing next to me because there were so many people. And I looked up and he was standing there and I looked at what he was doing, cutting off the tips of the thing. And he goes, safety first. That's what he said. Safety first. And I'll remember him saying safety first. And I go, uh-huh. And he walked away. That's it. He's a nice guy. Did you pick up the tips and put them in your pocket? I still have them. I still have them. They were in, probably still are, in a mug. They were in a mug, in a drawer. That's where they've always been. Have I told you my Derek Jeter experience? No. Flew with my friends up to Boston for a Red Sox-Yankee game. We happened to be walking 100. We walk by a bus in front of a hotel, and I'm like, oh, oh, that's the Yankees bus.
They're getting off the bus right now. They're walking into the hotel. The timing was perfect. Yeah. And we're walking around the corner, and my buddy Fenwick and I, you guys have met him, and we're like, he's like, what's he? That's Jeter. That's Jeter. That's Jeter. Jeter doesn't go to the hotel. He starts walking down the street. Like towards you? No. Away from us. Away from you. And we start following him. Oh, wow, wow. Like the Pied Piper. We're following him. I'm 10 feet behind him doing nothing but just following him. How old are you? Oh, dude, this is five years ago. You're stepping in the same spot he stepped in. He's 30 years old. Yeah, I was 30 at the time. Were you smelling the air? Like, what's his cologne smell like? What's his cologne smell like? I was looking at him going, that's DJ, that's DJ. And Fenwick and I, we're like, we're like grabbing each other. So we follow him for a good, solid half mile. What if he turned around and like karate chop? Down the street. Then all these kids. Started to be like, that's Jeter, that's Jeter. Like all these little Boston kids. Now they can say all they want. They love Derek Jeter. They love to hate him. And they're following him. These Red Sox fans. And they weren't being mean to them? No. They're following him because they're like, that's DJ walking down the street. Right. So he takes a left into this restaurant and he's going to meet a friend for lunch. Yeah. You guys went in there. Oh, this hurt. No, we didn't. But you know what I did? What? I go, go get him, Jeter. Like that. Go get him, Jeter. Yeah, go get him, Jeter. And he turned and looked at me like.
Wow, you just scared the crap out of me. You're a psychopath. My hero. Go get him, T! That's exactly it. And Fenwick was like, oh, wow. Why'd you say that? Why'd you say that? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Go get him, T! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. Can I have your shoes? You smell good. I seriously thought you were going to say that you waited outside until he was done and went and got the scraps. I'm eating his burger, his club sandwich. I'm so disappointed you didn't yell Jeter when you first saw him and talked to him. I was scared to death. You're 30 years old. L.O.B., I followed him for a half mile and did nothing. He probably could feel you guys following and thought you were going to kick his butt. Or you stab him or something. That's why he jumped. Go get him, Jeter. Go get him, Jeter. He's in a town that hates him. This is what was going through his head. John Lennon, John Lennon, John Lennon, John Lennon, John Lennon. You know what I don't believe about this story? You walked a half mile. That story can't be real. Call it what it is, a sixteenth of a mile. You walked a block, Woods.
You watched him from your car. From your hotel room smoking a cigarette. You followed him on a Segway. You followed him on Twitter. Okay. All right. Who's a bigger hay seat is next. And then we're going to send them out in the public wearing overalls, no shirt, earplug in the ear, talking to someone. You'll hear it on the radio and see it on Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Mr. Gary Richrath on guitar. Wow. Have you guys seen the infomercial that Kevin Cronin, the lead singer of Aria Speedwagon, does for all the rock soft hits? Like Time Live? Yeah. It's incredible. Hi, I'm Kevin Cronin. The 80s were a great time for rock and roll. Absolutely. This guy makes about $1 million a year on publishing. Oh, yeah. You guys ready to do this? We're just so nervous. That's all he talked about during the break. Don't be nervous. Really? It was. You don't want to lose to Jay. No. I just don't want to lose. Yeah, it's a double whammy. These questions are not that easy. But anyone who knows about Texas would know them. Really? All right, here's the deal. To get in the right mood.
We're going to do, who's the bigger hayseed? You see, Woods and Jay will oftentimes argue over what they know about Texas. Because Jay is from Houston and Woods is from Dallas. And it started, I remember, because Jay said, I'm a man. Woods said something to Jay and Jay goes, I'm from Texas. I said it. Yeah, Woods goes, I'm from Texas. And Jay goes, so am I. And I said, are you? You're from Dallas. You're from Houston. Actually, I'm from a small town outside of Houston. Yeah, exactly. So. We had a TV show about my city, by the way. Hit TV show. That's right. Yeah. It was very cosmopolitan. That's right. It is. Feast on it. Okay, now, here's the deal. Loser has to dress like a hayseed.
Go out in public and be videotaped and be on the radio. That's Woods every day. You ready? Big talk, Jay. I know. Best out of seven. Use your name as a buzzer. Okay. Okay, I'm going to start easiest. What city in Texas is considered the live music capital? Woods. Austin. Woods won. Everybody knows that one. Are you keeping score or should I? I have it. Okay. I'm going to start just going. What drink was invented in Waco? Woods. The margarita. Nope. Damn it. Let me finish, Jay. You can get this. What drink was invented in Waco in 1885? You were there. You were there. Oh, even I knew this one. I have no idea. Dr. Pepper. Damn it. I drink three a day. Does that count against him? So he's back at zero? Zero, zero. I'm shaking right now. I know. Texas comes from the Hasanai Indian word, Tejas.
What does Tejas mean? What? Peace. No. I can just win by not saying anything. Do you have an answer, Jay? I'm going to remain quiet. Tejas means friends or allies. I knew that. So now Woods is at minus one. Minus one. So he can not say anything. I know. And win. Okay. Now I'm going to go to some official Texas things. Okay. The official dish of Texas is? You guys! Mikey. Barbecue. No. Brisket. No. Mikey. Anyone? No. Chili. I was going to say that, but I was afraid. I had it written down, but I was going to give it up to me. Okay, the score is negative. Woods has negative one. I'm zero. You guys know nothing about Texas. They're just going to get harder. Texas' official dance is...
Come on, people. It's Woods, the square dance. Yes. Yes. I was going to say that, but now I have to get involved. Even. Even. Back to zero. Now I have to get in the game. Two more questions here. Oh, my God. I have many more. I could keep going. I'm so scared. Oh, God. The state bird of Texas is what, Jay? Dang it. Why did I say Jay? It's a blue Jay. No. Oh. Woods. Oh. I'm going to take a guess. It doesn't count, though. It does count. No, it doesn't count. It counts. Then I'm not going to take a guess. Yeah, don't take a guess. Okay. I know. What is it? It's the Mockingbird. It is. It is the Mockingbird. Take a guess. That's fine. It's all 0-0. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm embarrassed. Okay. What is Texas' state flower? Woods. Blue bonnet. You cheater. I knew that one. That was seven questions. Are we done? Yes, we are done. What? I'm the bigger hayseed. He's so happy. Woods was so worried. He did not want to do it. He did not want to do it. I did not want to do it either. Jay, you are going to have to wear overalls with no shirt. I just call that the weekend.
I love it. Yes. Yes. Woods, how relieved are you right now? You have no idea. I just did Lestat last week. I had to dress up like Lestat. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know if I can do these anymore. It makes me too nervous. Vampire. You looked like a scary vampire. Let's do this. You may think with songs you're super. You recognize them right away. 570. 194.9. Never quite the same. The lyrics are read by the Tom Tom Girl. She can hear directions anywhere. But now she's gonna read you a verse. Let's see how many of you are musical experts. We're very lucky here on the Mikey Show to have Tom Tom Girl be a part of the show. Tom Tom Girl, welcome. Welcome back, Tommy. That's awesome. All right. This is the way that we play Tom Tom tunes. The Tom Tom girl is going to read you, the player, the lyrics to a song. You have 20 seconds to listen and either give a title or an artist in order to win. Sounds easy. A lot easier said than done. M1 Termite Finder from East County. Are you there? Yes, sir. Good morning. Good morning. Are you ready to play Tom Tom tunes? I am. And also I'm from Texas and I'm embarrassed.
for both of those. Oh, God. I was waiting on that. Did you know all of them? I knew most of them, yeah. Well, so did I, but it's harder when you have a gun to your head. Yeah, it is. Didn't know chili. All right. M1 Termite Finder, you've got 20 seconds here with the TomTom Girl to give me title or artist. Here we go. We are all sensitive to be apple with so much to give. Understand me, sugar. Since we got to be, let us live. I love you. There is nothing wrong with me loving you, baby. No, no. And giving yourself to me can never be wrong. If the love is true, oh, babe. No. Wow. Oh, wow. I made it out there. Termite Finder, can you give me title or artist for the win? I have no earthly idea. I have a guess. Woods. Marvin Gaye. You are correct. I can't believe you didn't know that, Termite Finder. Touche, my friend. Sorry, Termite Finder.
Not my day. I love you. My apologies. We're going to answer his question, remember, on Facebook. That was Termite Finder. Oh, yeah. Termite Finder had a good question he asked us on Facebook, and we will be doing that in a little bit. Great question. M1 Pop from Bay Park. Are you there? Pop, you there? I'm here. There you go. Okay, 20 seconds to give us title or artist of this song with the TomTom Girl. Here we go. Okay. Steve walks warily down the street with a brim pulled way down low. Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet. Machine guns ready to go. Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out of the doorway the bullets rip. To the sound of the beat. Another one. Oh, I got it. What is it? That is great. Wow. Very well done. I thought you said Steve Watts Waverly down the street. I was like, Billy! It's too soon. In about seven months. She'll be 18 in seven months? She'll be 16 in two weeks. My sister. I thought the countdown had begun for one. What does she want for her birthday? Car. Can't help you. A big wheel. Yeah.
Congratulations, Pop. You're a winner. Hang on the line, okay? Okay, thanks. Things are really heating up in here, Mikey. They really are, Tom Tom Girl. You know she's young because when you asked her how old she was, she said, I'm this many. Thank you. I heard she wanted a jump rope for her birthday. That's right, Tom Tom Girl. M1 Rick from Escondido. Are you ready to do this? I'm going to give it a shot. 20 seconds, title or artist, starting now. I saw him dancing there by the record machine. I knew he must have been about 17. What? The beat was going strong, playing my favorite song. And I could tell it would not be long till he was with me. Yeah, me. And I could tell it would not be long till he was with me. M1 Rick, title or artist for the win. I have no idea. Was Joan Jett. Oh, yeah. Always as easy as it seems. Love that song. I do, too. So let's see. Sharon Osbourne was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and talking about Ozzy and said something that I thought was kind of surprising about Ozzy. How is Ozzy? He's gorgeous. He's in South America. He's in...
I think he's in Rio tonight. Oh, performing? Performing. He just got off stage, just called me. Oh, okay, so you guys talk every day? Yeah. Oh, you do? Well, that's good. Several times a day. Really? Several times a day? Always. And now, Ozzy, now that he's kind of turned over a new leaf, you can understand what he's saying on the telephone. My husband is a man of technology. Is he? No, he's not. He is? Yes, he is. Yes, he is. He's got an iPhone, an iPad, a computer. He's got it all going on. He did. He learned to drive about a year ago or so. And he's using computers and stuff. Yes. To do what? Everything. So he talks to you? We Skype each other. You do? He watches TV from all over the world. He's got it all set up. He's going to be watching the show tonight where he is. He's got it all figured out. I find that disappointing because during the MTV days, he could barely use a telephone. It was like... That was because he was stoned. Come on. That makes sense. Hey, what's your problem, man? What would you do?
Well, because you, you know, you're Ozzy Osbourne, man. Yeah, on that show, you used to get, like, mad at the remote. Yeah. No, because at the time, man, I was on so many Quaaludes, I couldn't see straight. Where did you find Quaaludes on the Osbournes? I actually still manufacture them. I might have stopped using them, but that doesn't mean I can't make them, you know? That's true. Hey, when is Jerry going to dress like a Hasey? You're a big M1, M1 Aussie? M1 Aussie. I'm listening online right now because I'm into technology, you know? What's your wife's name again? Cheryl! Wow. webcast it or anything, man. Wow. It'll be on our Facebook page. You're on our Facebook friends, right? Yeah, I'm one of the Facebook people. I just got my 801G technology to sign on so I can see it. Whoa. That's impressive. Am I making a sense? Yeah. Yeah, how's Rio? How's Rio de Janeiro? Yep. It's still actually, I really like it. I've been there for the last four weeks. The only thing I don't like about being here is the food. You don't like the food? I don't like it at all, man. Why?
Makes me gassy, you know. Oh, sorry about that. Oh, my gosh. Easy, Aussie. Easy, dude. I've had a problem with the food here. Oh, my gosh. Gross. Sorry about that. Are you on the toilet? No, no, no. I'm not on the toilet. Oh, wow. Maybe you should be. That's why we're responding. Oh, I better go. Oh, my God. He's got some issues over there. Rio, De Janeiro, wherever it is. That's good. All right, so the question from M1 Termite Finder. He wrote this on our Facebook, and I thought it was pretty interesting. Now, it has to do with if you are going through, if you're at a sporting event or something.
And he posted it at Facebook.com slash Mikey Show, which is our Facebook page. We'd love it if you went there and became a friend of ours. But anyway, what he did was he was saying, if you're at like a sporting event or something. I have it right here for me to read it. I got it. It says, I have a question for the Mikey Show. If you're sitting at a public event, let's say a baseball game, and you need to leave your seat for whatever reason, what do you think is the proper way to exit the row? Oh, man. Facing the other people seated, putting your crotch in their face? Or should you put your bottom in their face as you exit? Is there an easy answer? When you return, do you put the same body part in their face or change it up? I always feel uncomfortable exiting and returning to my seat, M1 Termite Finder. He's absolutely right. This is an issue for you no matter who you are. I always do it the same. Bottom facing them. Me too. Always bottom facing them. Way too uncomfortable to look them directly in the face as your junk passes by. Question. Go ahead, Woods. When you come back to the row, you've got your iSchool DP and your hot dog. Yeah. And you want to get back to your seat. Yeah. You still go bottom? Yeah. Yes. I don't. I go bottom out first, out of the row, and I always go.
crotch first back into the room. I think I do the same. That's how I do it. Always. Why? Because it's hard to go butt back that way. Does that make sense? Yeah, dude. But if you spill, you're spilling right in them. I know. And that's the thing. I should actually probably reverse it and go crotch out first. Either way, you spill on the people in front of you, which is almost worse. Because they don't know what's coming. No, you could have a little room to spill on the floor. Why don't you turn a little sideways? I can't turn a little anything. Sideways? Yeah. There's no room to turn sideways. Well, I'm skinny. I'm skinny. I can. No, you can't. Hey, how come you guys don't jog out? That's what I do. Hey, why don't you hover? I dance. I'd do a bag flip out of there. You know, I think I always face them because I'm just like, excuse me, sorry, and I face them just saying, excuse me. See, I do butt out but look over my shoulder like, sorry. That must be real nice. Sorry. Oh, well. I would like you to get me a beer. Get me a... Do you use a bathroom again? Can you get me a piece of pizza? Or... My leg broke. Can you go get me a soda? Since we're here at Pepco. Pepco. Since we're at Pepco. Why don't you go to Ruby House and get me a... Let me know what the view is like from a... Do they sell cotton? It's real. And sweet. Do you like pee? Yeah.
I heard it. The impasses? On the syllable? Did you hear the impasses? It's French. Like my perfume, speaking of French. Hey, L.A.B., when you're leaving. Fouze, le fouze, crochet, avec moi. I seem pretty educated. I was with you right up until he started to speak French. Oh, no, actually, that's the brand of the company that makes the soda. You're going to have to come.
Pass the chips. No, seriously. Pass the chips. I'm a little short of cash. Can you buy? You're blocking my view. No, seriously, hurry up. You're like, you're really blocking my view. Move your butt. You get me a salad? No, I'm serious. Can you get me a salad? You owe me from breakfast. Can you get Jasper a hot punch sundae? Are you done with that? Because... I'll take that home and feed Jasper with it for a week or two. Did you ask him for a piece of aluminum foil for me? You're not going to throw away that napkin, are you? We'll have to have straws at home, too. Wow. This got weird. Did they have sparks? Why the hell am I at a baseball?
I don't even like sports. If I'm not playing, I can make a piece of an hour. Do they have a skate park here? I just started P90X again. Simi, I'm a romantic. I thought this was the world's strongest man contest. True or false? Not really. True or false? We got a break. No way! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Whatever you think you know about this man is a reveler. I'm sorry? Whatever you think you know about this man is a reveler. A reveler what? Whatever you think you know about this man is a reveler. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. My face hurts. All of my stomachs hurt.
That really got changed. What's going on in the news? A couple Twitter stories for you. Oh, yeah. Ashton Kutcher, Neil Patrick Harris, and Chelsea Handler have been selected as Time Magazine's best tweeters, basically. There's a bunch of other people on the list, too, but those are the top ones. Lady Gaga was mentioned. Sarah Palin was mentioned. Kim Kardashian. Twitter. I know. Believes they are shaping conversation is what they're saying. Also, speaking of... LLB had a good tweet the other day. I did? Yeah. It was about... I almost retweeted it. Was it about Usher? What was that one? Weird. He had a song called OMG and he's 32. Yeah. This is unacceptable. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then LLB's got good tweets. Yes, she does. You follow all of us on Twitter.
Yeah, we're all on Twitter. The way that you find us, just type Mikey Show as one word, M-I-K-E-Y-S-H-O-W, and then our name. So Mikey Show Mikey, Mikey Show Woods, Mikey Show Sienna, Mikey Show Lauren, Mikey Show Jay. Correct. Also speaking of Twitter, Charlie Sheen launched a... pretty vicious Twitter attack on his ex-wife, Denise Richards, yesterday. There were reports out that he wasn't taking very good care of their pug that was theirs when they were married, so apparently she came and took the pug from his house, and I'll have Charlie read you his sheet directly. Really, dude? Really? His tweet directly. You must bombard with warlock napalm, the traitor and loser whore, Denise Por-erds. A vile kidnapper and now dog thief hate. Like a dinosaur stampede from Middle Earth raging atop Colonel Kilgore's main rotor, our assault must be epic. The truth is our rocket fuel. True tweet right there from Carly Sheen. Crazy. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. He put DUH, D-U-H, NEECE, POUR, in all caps, ARDS. DUH, NEECE, POUR ARDS. Instead of Richards. Yeah. POUR ARDS. Clever. Oh, wow.
What's the mother of your kids? Denise. Poor arts. Denise. Poor arts. Poor arts. Poor arts. Denise. I thought they got along. Hello. Charlie Sheen. That sounds like they do. Well, they did until she took the dog. Did you know that Abercrombie and Fitch... are making push-up bathing suits for seven-year-olds? That can't be. Is that real, Sienna? This is a true story. 17-year-olds, you mean? No, seven. Seven-year-olds. And you know what? They were criticized before. They actually made, in 2002, made thong underwear for seven-year-olds with the words written on the thong underwear that said, eye candy and wink, wink. Printed on the front of the thong underwear for seven-year-olds. That's second graders. Two questions. If you're Abercrombie and Fitch. Who's the sicko at Abercrombie & Fitch that comes up with that idea? Second of all, who's the sicko parent that consumes it? Because if you consume that, in my mind, you're a sicko. Well, they don't make the thong underwear anymore, but it's just as bad. They're making a new bikini line that has push-up padded bikini tops for 7- to 10-year-old girls. Because you want to give the appearance of breasts to a 7- to 10-year-old. Which they're not supposed to have.
I didn't have them until I was like 14. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Ever. Wow. Yeah. Let's see. This is someone that apparently can stick up for the rights of a seven-year-old to be able to do that. I want to know. I want to know what anybody has a problem. My daughter. She shouldn't be choosing what she wears at 7 to 10 years old. You should be choosing. If that way, you're a sick pervert. I'm not a sick pervert. You are if you can't see it for what it is. What is it? It's a bathing suit. It's a bathing suit. With padded boobs. Yeah, what's that there for? It's cute. It's not cute. It's not cute. It's cute. It's terrifying. It's repulsive. It's C-U, capital T, lowercase e. Why the capital T?
It's cute. Hard T. No. Cute. Cute. You people are, you have demented minds, and you're over-sexualizing. You know what you need to do? You need to repress yourself. Like Madonna. Let's express yourself. Repress yourself. Why would we do that? You've got to move it. Repress yourself. Hey, hey, and if you want it right now, Woods, you've got to show me how. Wow. Get ready for not, or baby, get what you got. Have you ever heard that song before? Of course. You're singing the wrong words. Yeah. I'm not singing the wrong words. It's the song. And you're acting like a childlike person if you don't have the brains in your head to say, listen, I'm not so sexually pent up that I can't put a seven-year-old in a push-up bra. Oh, wow. Why are you trying to have your daughter look sexy? It's not that she has to look sexy. That is, though. Listen, get with the times. The times are changing. Right now, what's in? Push-up rods. No. Not for little kids. No. Listen, Woods, wouldn't you... Do you have a problem with, like, boys wearing Speedos? No. I mean, I have a problem with anybody wearing Speedos, but unless they're Michael Phelps. We're not in Europe.
I'm working on a banana hammock right now. Is it padded? It's a padded banana hammock. That's creepy. No, it's not. That's so creepy. It's only creepy because you're having your mind go somewhere weird. It's creepy for a man or a child. It's the creepiest thing ever. Yeah. Fine. Well, then I'll scratch that one. But take your minds out of the gutter for maybe five seconds, Jay. Fair enough. And... Get with the times and step into reality. I don't think so. Out. Express yourself. Hey, hey. If you want it right now, just show you how. Get ready for what you got. Or baby ready or not. She told you. Super duper fly hole. I'm so... terrified by that story. I mean, it's a true, it's creepy. I want to call Abercrombie and be like, what are you doing? Who's the guy in the meeting is like, hey, so I know we're spitballing ideas here and it might sound a little crazy. No guy had the rocks.
bring that up. That was abroad. And it goes through a chain of commands. Yeah, it's got to get stamped. Okay, I'm going to sign off. Yeah, I'm going to sign. Can you give that to Bill and make sure he's cool with it? Make sure he's got the production order. Bill is going through divorce right now. Right. And Bill is checked out and he's got a job already with PacSun. I don't care. And he's like, whatever. I care less. I'm not an American Eagle, so what do I care? Let's get the seven-year-old model in here. Give me everything. Let's see how they look. Oh, that's so gross. Going to work for Hollister next week. So, yeah. You know what? Make them anything you want. That is so sad. I mean, people would buy that. Bill drinks at lunch. Bill drinks martinis at lunch. Clearly. Anybody see Dateline last weekend? Anybody watch? Do you watch Dateline? I do. My wife is obsessed with it. Dateline's a good show, man. Pretty much makes me obsessed with it. Yeah. And they got the craziest stories. They told a story about a girl that didn't know who she was. And the reason that she didn't know who she was is because when she was four years old, she was kidnapped. And she lived her entire life in a motel room with a woman named Shirley. Shirley, you can't be serious. Okay. Well, I am serious. Yeah, I was definitely serious with it. Continue. Yeah. I can't help it. I know. This woman's name was Shirley. And she...
Had another kid with her, too. So, two kids in this motel room. Around the time this girl turns 16 years old, again, she's taken when she's four. When she turns 16 years old, she started to make these attempts to kind of go out on her own. And the woman, Shirley, didn't stop her. And so she's starting to get a little confidence. Like, maybe I can get out of this situation. Because she knew. From four years old, like, I'm not with my mom and dad. And the only thing that she can remember about her mom and dad was that their names were Bob and Bobby. That's what she remembered, Bob and Bobby. So she's actually going to a school, okay? She's actually enrolled in a school under the name Pepper. And she wants to get her driver's license, so she goes to this woman, Shirley, who she knows as her mom, because that's what Shirley refers to herself as.
Again, living out of a motel room. And she says, I'd like to get my driver's license. I need my birth certificate. And she knows I'm going to find out who I am because she'll have to provide this birth certificate and at least tell me who I am. She says, yeah, what do you need that for? She says, well, I only get my driver's license. I'm 16. Shirley says, they changed the law. You don't get your driver's license now until you're 18. And she says, huh, okay. So right around this time, Shirley starts to get sick. And it all happens very fast, but it turns out that Shirley has developed a very fast working and virulent cancer. And she dies. So now, this girl, Pepper, is 18 years old. And the girl that was with her is a couple of years younger. She goes to work, this girl, 18. She now, fast forward a few years, goes to work in Lake Tahoe.
It's right around the time that Casey Dugard was discovered. Casey Dugard was kidnapped when she was a child and then found alive but imprisoned by this whack job. Yeah. And Casey was how old now, Sienna? She was like in her 20s. Yeah, she's in her 20s, has kids with the guy that took her. With this guy that kidnapped her. Oh, gosh. Now, this girl, Pepper, remembers being very excited for Casey Dugard. brought back all these memories of like, you know, I've been stolen too. I've been, you know, and there's no way I'm ever going to know this woman took it to her grave. She asked her on her deathbed, can you tell me who I am and any information about where I'm from? And the woman said, you're Pepper. And that's what she maintained right until the time that she died. Monster. So in an attempt to have an identity, you got to understand. At this point in her life, she didn't have a driver's license. She didn't have anything because she didn't have any documentation to be able to get the things that you and I enjoy. Driver's license, all that stuff. So she finds someone who's like almost her age that says, I'll legally adopt you. And in legally adopting you, you'll be able to have an identity. So they have to fill out all this paperwork for the adoption.
And in the course of filling out the paperwork, they've got to leave a lot of spaces empty. But she puts all the information that she has, provides a fingerprint, all the stuff. They send it away and she gets a letter in the mail that not only is her real identity, but it's her actual birth certificate. They were able to produce it from the information that they were given in the state of California. And it turns out that her mother's name was Barbara and her father's name was Robert. Bob and Barbara, or Bob and Bobby. And so she goes on a quest to find him. Doesn't take very long. She gets a phone number, calls the number, guy answers the phone, hello. She says, is this Robert so-and-so? The guy says, yeah. And he says, and she says, I think I'm your daughter. Oh my God. And she gives her real name, which I believe was Renee.
Something like Renee. A long pause on the phone and he breaks down. And they talk to him and he says, she's in her 20s now and I could recognize her voice. He recognized her voice from when she was four. So they reunite. It turned out that even these parents were not her biological parents. Her biological mother. was a prostitute, and gave this child to Shirley. This woman, who is her mom and her dad, they arranged an adoption from Shirley, and they got the baby from Shirley. They were friends, Shirley and this woman. Shirley got another child from that woman, from a different father. That's the girl that grew up with her the whole time.
The prostitute was the mother. The mother of both of those girls. Of both of those girls. Different fathers. Gave both kids to Shirley. Well, that little girl, the younger one, said one day, this is the reason that it all happened. I wish I had somebody to play with. So Shirley went, all right, I'll go get that little girl that I gave to those people. And she did. She took them. Now they're sitting there. They're reuniting all of them together, right? And this... Crazy thing happens. And it was great, too, because he goes, he says, when we come back, we're going to show you something that happened spontaneously at the table while we were all meeting. And they got really upset with each other. And the reason they got upset was because the daughter, the younger one, she knew Shirley as mom. She wasn't taken away. That's all she knew. She grew up with her. The other one remembered four years of a wonderful family, a loving family.
And then being taken away. Wow. And so right there at the table, as the cameras are rolling, the younger one says, I kind of feel like my mom is under attack right now. And the older one goes, well, that's because she's a kidnapper. And she goes, well, she's also my mom. And she goes, I can understand how you feel that way, but that's all you knew. But I had these people sitting at this table right now as my mom and dad for four years. Before your mom, because she don't refer to her as mom, before your mom stole me. Stole. Stole. One day you'll get it. Stole. S-T-O-L-E. No D. Stole me. Stole me? Stole me. Your mom stole me. Stole me. Correct. Sounds so wrong.
Feels so right, but sounds so wrong. Continue. And so they get into a heated, and the cameras are rolling, and it's so uncomfortable. They hadn't seen each other for about eight years. The girls? The girls hadn't seen each other for eight years because they had a falling out when the older one said, I'm out of here. See you later. Shirley died, I'm out. Shirley died, I'm done. Leaving the motel. I'm leaving the motel. Wow. And the girl starts telling her there at the table, she goes, we were undernourished. We were poorly educated. And the girl goes, that's all we knew. And they're like fighting with each other. It was one of the most incredible datelines ever. And now the girl has her identity back. She's got kids of her own. I have a question. Yeah. So Shirley takes this kid back from the parents, Bob and Bobby. Where are Bob and Bobby? Didn't they know? Oh, they went to the police. Wouldn't they know that it was Shirley? Yes, they did. And the reason that they did was, oh gosh, this was heartbreaking. The mother is telling this story back. And she says, we were friends. And so one night she came and asked if she could take her for a sleepover. And she said, and I had this weird feeling. And I told Bob, I don't want her to go. And Bob said, I think it'll be okay.
And so finally I relented. And so she took her. Yeah. In a marriage. And when they called the police, the police said, there's nothing we can do because you willingly gave her. Oh my God. What? That's ridiculous. Weird. No. That's what they said. As legal parents, you can have your child back. That seems insane. She said, there's nothing we can do because you gave her willingly to this woman. For a sleepover. For a sleepover. Yeah, not to have forever. Yeah, but, I mean, if I let Sage go to someone's house and they decided to keep her, like, there's no way. The only thing I can think of, this was a very rural town, and it was a long time ago. It was 40, it was 36 years ago. I'm thinking Shirley's name, she was a guardian for a while. You know what I actually suspect? I suspect that there was something fishy. about that adoption. That doesn't just happen. Maybe it was not a legal adoption. And they were probably afraid to press the issue. Take it from me who's trying to adopt. It ain't easy and there's a lot of red tape and for a prostitute to give their baby to Shirley and then Shirley to arrange it for her unless she's accredited and the whole thing. It was probably a very shady adoption to begin with. And they didn't want to press the issue because they were like
We did this wrong anyway to begin with. That poor girl. Imagine knowing in the back of your mind, I remember something else. This isn't my life. This isn't my family. How awful. I remember things before I was five. They did this thing where it just emblazoned itself on my brain forever. They said that when the mom and dad went to pick her up at this house where she was supposed to be, They were gone, and the only thing that was left was her little red shoes on the doorstep. She still had them. They were there. The cameras were rolling when they reunited for the first time. Wouldn't you kill your husband for saying, how dare you say it's going to be okay? I knew. I have mother's intuition. I would lose my mind. He's like, oh, boy. I'm going to pay for this one. I know. Oh, sure. Oh, my gosh. He's like. Let's go to Coco's. I'm sorry. It's on me. It's on anything you want to get. Got an email from an M1 that wanted us to help find the person that is responsible for taking his friend Devin. You may have heard about it. It happened in Carlsbad.
Devin Allen was 27 years old. He's from Oceanside and a good guy and a father of a four-year-old daughter named Marley. His 28th birthday was supposed to be on April 1st. And this weekend, he was stabbed in Carlsbad. He was outside of Hensley's Friday night. A group of men approached him, asked him for a cigarette. And shortly after that, stabbed him. A lot of people think that it may have been a gang initiation. There's not any information about it. And anybody that does have any information about it is being urged to call the Carlsbad Police Department. It's a very sad story. Senseless. His dad is offering a $3,000 reward for turning in this murderer that did this to him.
There's going to be a fundraiser at Grubby's in Oceanside on the PCH. That's going to happen on the 30th from 5 to 8. It's to help with the cost of the funeral. This is from his dad. To everyone who knew and loved my son Devin, I'm convinced that if we wait on the police to solve this on their own, it might not happen. I'd like to offer $3,000 to anyone who turns this person in, no questions asked. The money will be put into an account, payment guaranteed. I need your help to raise the money. If you want to help, please call or contact me by email, alansown at gmail.com. That's heart-wrenching. It is. It is heart-wrenching. It's very sad. Senseless. One of my favorite M1s, M1 Sanjay, it's one of his good friends. Really? He knows the guy. Very sad. Very sad about it. Very upset. You know, man, the people that do it, it's the same thing, man. I mean, it's yesterday. Somebody was on Twitter and they were so mean and so evil. I can relate because I used to be mean and I used to be evil. And I know what the deal is, you know. The person that did it is either dumb or really.
really unhappy you know uh and it makes me think gosh you know i wish that you could reach a person like the the twitter people that i encounter every once in a while or the or somebody that's responsible for something like this and i go gosh i wish you could reach them when they were a kid yeah yeah and you could help them when they're kids because that's when it was formed you know probably and uh It's the reason that I wear a black wristband that says be different because I so badly want for our culture to be different, to not be mean, to not be cruel, to not be so hurt and so sad and so fearful. And I have a website called BeDifferentPact.org. Heath Bell is behind it. Sonny from POD is behind it. Ryan Matthews from the Chargers. And it's a daily reminder that you wear on your wrist that says, I just want to be different. I want to be kinder. I want to be nicer. I want to think of other people before I think of myself. I want our culture, you know, man, I think about it and I go, what if?
What if we really were? What if everybody did love each other? What would it be like if we all loved each other? How different things would be if we all loved each other? Less flip-offs on the freeway, less flip-outs in an apartment, less kicking, less pushing, less shoving, less hurt feelings, less bullying, less douchebaggery. It would just be less. But in order for it to happen, it has to start. See, everybody that's on the radio, we can all do something. And man, we, holy cow, today has been such a fun show. We've had a blast today. But at the same time, I would always want to think of the Mikey Show as something that is bigger than just the jokes. That, man, if you're listening to it and you're a fan of it, you go to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey Show.
and you're a fan of The Mikey Show, that you're part of something bigger. You're a part of something that's bigger than just this loyal fanhood that we have and have had, that you're actually somebody that wants to make a difference in the culture that you live in, and you want people to be nicer, and you even want to be nicer. Something big is about to happen with The Mikey Show. Something big is about to happen. And I just want you to go to MikeyShow.com. And or BeDifferentPacked.org. And the bracelet's free. This black wristband. It's just like the Livestrong wristbands. It just says Be Different. And they're free. So you just have to go to BeDifferentPacked.org and sign up for them and you can get one. But man, it's important to me that we do something to be different and make a difference.
Stuff like that just bombs me out, man. If that was a gang-related thing, the reason that that guy was probably in that gang to begin with is because he wanted to be part of something and grew up raised by a douchebag or grew up raised in a single-parent home where he was getting the crap kicked out of him. This is just reality. That's just the way that it happens. So the culture has to change. Guys have to change. Men have a big responsibility. If you're a dad, you have a responsibility to be kinder to your sons so they don't grow up to be douchebags. You have a responsibility to teach your kids not to be douchebags. To be kind. That's our responsibility as a dad. And it's our responsibility as a dad to stay with our... Wives. Baby's daddy. Baby's mama. Natalie Portman won Best Actress for Black Swan, but something just came out that may ruin or may not ruin a lot of that for you. And you decide. We'll tell you what it is next. So I haven't seen Black Swan. My wife saw it. She liked it. I saw it. Natalie Portman won Best Actress for it. Oh, yeah. It's a ballet movie. It's a what? It's a ballet movie. Ballet movie. Yep.
She didn't really dance. Really? Well, according to her dancing double, Sarah Lane, who has come forward and she's been a ballerina for 22 years. She said, I've been doing this my whole life. And this is a quote from her. She told, well, this is what she said. They wanted to create. create this idea in people's minds that Natalie was some kind of prodigy or so gifted in dance and really worked so hard to make herself a ballerina in a year and a half for the movie, basically because of the Oscar. It is demeaning to the profession and not just to me. I've been doing this for 22 years. Can you become a concert pianist in a year and a half, even if you're a movie star? She can't dance in pointe shoes and she can't move her body. She's very stiff. Now, the director of Black Swan is defending Natalie Porter. Oh, wow. And who cares? Yeah.
That's a bitter gal. How are those sour grapes? That's good. Do they taste good or are they sour? It played into her Oscar, probably, that she had the skill. I mean, she just really got the role down. You got hired to be a double. I know. Well, yeah, but I think she got props for being a great dancer. And this girl's like, that was me in that shot. And she just got an Oscar for a scene that was me. What, does she want an Oscar? Yeah, what do you want? You want props? I think notification. Hey, everyone. Sarah did it. She just wanted some acknowledgement. She did in the credits, probably. But they made such a big deal about how much of a dancer she was. Now, when the director comes out and says she did 80%, then I think the girl should get. Hey, listen. I think if he came out and said that it was Natalie Portman. You know, 100%. You were hired to be a double. So that means that the idea is that you're supposed to, like, believe that that was you. Be a double. The dancer, Sarah, says that she believes Natalie Portman danced 5% of the full body shots. Oh, wow. It's probably a tick thing. One, two, three, all eyes on me. Because I care. Like, I'm like, oh, well.
She gets less credit in my eyes because she had a double. So I think maybe it's like when you find out that someone really sang in a movie, you're like, wow, that was really them. Or if someone posed that it was really them, then you find out, oh, no, they were just lip syncing the whole time. If you're paid to be the lip singer, though, you don't see the lip singer coming out going, that's me. That wasn't Jeff Bridges. That was me. If you're the lip singer, but the other person who's lip singing gets credit. They're supposed to. They're the actors. That's the idea. That's why you're a double. I don't know. But they usually come out and say it wasn't really me. Especially with singing and stuff like that, they'll usually say, oh no, that wasn't actually my voice. And they get props for being a triple threat or a double threat. I feel creeped out by that person. Why? I do too. I'm mad at her. I feel for her. I look at her and say, BBB, don't be a baby. I think get a life, but I also think... I would be annoyed, too. Hey, we want to hire you to be the dancing double for this, and it means in the scenes that Natalie can't do it, we're going to get you to dance. Right. Oh, okay. Sounds real good. But I've been doing this 22 years. Yeah, shouldn't it just be me up there the whole time? Nobody knows you. It's because they made such a big deal about Natalie Portman, though, and she was a natural dancer. That's creepier. You know why it's creepier? Why? Because it means she would have shut up if they hadn't made a big deal about it. Right. Creeper.
creeper. In other words, if she hadn't won an Oscar and they hadn't made a big deal about it, she'd be like, oh, I can be quiet now. I bet you she saw one interview that like sent her through the dance. Natalie was like, I worked so hard. I saw the movie. She was jumping out of her seat. She pirouetted. Pirouetted. And at no point during the movie did I go, man, Natalie is a great dancer. I didn't either. It must be a chick thing. Yeah. I thought it was just all about the drama behind the scenes that got my attention. I thought it was amazing that she was that skilled as a dancer as well as she's beautiful. She's an amazing actress. I thought she was amazing during that scene with Mila Kunis. Oh, my gosh. I didn't see her. Some good acting. It was incredible. I heard the woman that plays her mom in that movie is real weird. Oh, yeah. It's like weird. It's the most uncomfortable movie I've ever seen. Yeah, it's pretty uncomfortable. It's Darren Aronofsky, so you know it's uncomfortable. Darren Aronofsky, the guy that did The Wrestler. Yes. So you know it's uncomfortable because he is about as gritty as it gets. I'm going to see it today. Yeah. Maybe I will, too. I didn't know. Oh, was it out today? I didn't know he did it. I'll watch movies based on directors. Yeah. Want to do new releases?
Let's do new releases. You're mean, Mike. What? You're a monster. Why? You didn't do it on purpose. You're a monster. What did I do? You're a monster. Because Woods just said, oh, is it out today? And then he realized, wait, I'm the new releases guy. I should know that. Every week. And then he was unprepared. And you said, let's do new releases. And he's like, oh, God, I'm not ready. You didn't do it on purpose, Mike. The timing was so brilliant, though. I did not. Want to do new releases tomorrow? No, no, we have them. I have them. Hold on. Oh, here we go. You ready? There's a lot of good stuff out today. One of your favorites, Los Lonely Boys, Rock Pango. That's a good one. What else? You don't like the Los Lonely Boys? No, what else is out? There's a few out today. What else is out? Radiohead is out on CD release, The King of Limbs. That's a good one. What else? That's it. Snoop Dogg, Dogumentary. His voice is just so smooth. I like that. That's good. Blast that in my car. Britney Spears, the femme fatale. You ever use auto-tune? I'm good at it. I'd love to hear her voice without it.
She did doing what's popular. She did doing what's out there. She didn't always have auto-tune. Back in 1999, that baby baby. That's what she sounds like. I'm not a girl. She had a song about auto-tune. Auto-tune came along the last five years or so. There's been software all along to help. Oh, yeah. You know, the pitch on someone's voice. But this is like, we're in the autotune era where autotune is now being used as an instrument. She's more of a performer than a singer. Fair enough. There you go. So is Madonna, dude. Madonna. Fair enough. She wasn't a good singer. I'm not a huge Madonna fan either, but Whitesnake, Forevermore. I'm not cone boobing throughout the room right now. I'm just saying. Are you? In fact, cone boobs. In fairness to you, I am cone boobs. You do have cone boobs. You do have a high ponytail that's really, really tight on top of your head. I do. I don't know if you heard me right. This is a new Whitesnake record. It's a best of, right? Is it? I don't know. I don't think so. It says Whitesnake forevermore. That ain't old Whitesnake. That's new. Totally new concept, too. Love will set you free. That's right. Love will set you free.
Is there a lot of 22-year-old guys going out and just buying a new Whitesnake today? I was thinking this. A lot of midlife crisis. They get together and they're like, should we? Should we do a new record? What do we do? Is somebody going to buy it? Who's going to be the audience? I mean, I guess it's... She'd sell online if that Rebecca Black broad got two million. Maybe somebody gets a taste of it. I say we just put it out. Put it out. Put it out there. And then the new Wiz Khalifa, L-O-B, album's out today. Rolling Papers. The name of the album is Rolling Papers? Yeah. He was a paper boy. So that's why he did it. And then out on DVD today. So the inflection is wrong. Rolling Papers. Correct. He was a former paper boy. And that's what that means. Black Swan is out today, Miguel. As is a bunch of other movies that you've probably never heard of. Dead Awake, Fair Game, Cool It, Hubble 3D. Greetings. Listen, you know, Black Swan is a pretty serious movie, right? Yes. It's like very heavy. Oh, yeah. Are you going to watch it? Seems like a renter. It's a rental. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I was thinking about that the other day. I'm like, what are they going to do? Release Monster on Blu-ray? I mean, let's say they release Monster on Blu-ray. When do you break that out?
And go, you know what? I need to revisit Monster. It's one of my favorites. Like after the Super Bowl. I own it on DVD. You do? Yeah, because I bought it when I hadn't seen it. Instead of running it, I just bought it. Now that makes sense. That's a Mikey move. That's a Mikey move. Now, Passion of the Christ, though, I have done like on an Easter. Right. Like it's Easter. It's so heavy. It is heavy. It is a totally heavy movie. But Monster is one where you're like. You know what I'm in the mood for? Tonight, it's raining. I want to stay in. I would watch it again. I want to get a pizza. I want to get some Haagen-Dazs. And I just want to spend time revisiting Monster. You know? I want tonight. Tonight's a Monster Night, babe. Let's get a box of wine and just freaking Monster out. Can we put the wine in a paper bag, maybe? That would probably be more appropriate. Babe. Go get some Bartles and James. Cool, yeah. And you want to just watch Monster tonight? Why not? Stay home and watch Monster. Yeah, let's do it. A couple of TV dinners. Swanson's. Let's just bust some Swanson's and do some Salisbury steaks tonight. Don't overcook the brownie this time. Last time you left it in too long. Well, that wasn't the problem. I forgot to put the tinfoil over the brownie part. The brownie was like hard as a rock. I know.
So tonight we'll monster it up. I'll put the tinfoil over the brownie. Sweet. Don't you get the same feeling when you watch The Wrestler, though? Nope. But you guys watch that all the time. It's the same feeling for me watching The Wrestler than it is Monster. You can watch it over and over. Because it's so creepy. Is Monster the girl wrestler? Could be. I could never watch The Wrestler. I would never just watch Monster over and over again. Both of those movies. I love The Wrestler better than Monster, but I get the same. feeling of disgust and filth and torment and you feel so sorry for them and you're like, what are you doing? But there's something about Charlize Theron in that bathroom. That's the scene. Washing those pits. That brown paper towel. With a brown paper towel and powdered soap. God. Ew, ew. Throwing that hair back, sucking that of Budweiser in a bottle. Oh, my. All right, let's go. Prosthetic teeth real good. Prosthetic teeth. Baby. Christina Ricci is just so weird, just jealous of her girlfriend. Ew, the whole movie has a film of disgust on it. You want to wash your body when you're over. I want to be in the shower. You know what the movie is? The movie is that.
layer that forms on soup when you put it in the refrigerator. You know when you take soup out of the refrigerator and you open the tub and it's got that gel? It's queso skin. That's the movie Monster. It's the thing that gunks up on the ketchup bottle. It's a scab. It's a ketchup scab. I'd rather eat a ketchup scab than watch Monster again. If you own it, when do you watch it again? You're like, tonight's a monster night. When it's rainy and you feel bad about yourself. You want something that's worse than how you feel. You know, to make you feel better. I'm a glutton for punishment. Yeah. It doesn't get much worse than that. You're like, oh, man, I have. You're like, I'm not that bad. I'm doing well. I'm actually like, I feel like a skydiver right now. I feel like a model. Compared to that, I guess life's pretty good. Yeah. Now I feel good. Baby. Baby. Hey, baby, you been pitching beer? I don't care if the beer hasn't been in the fridge. You want to go to the roller rink? Yeah, I'll go. Give me a picture of beer. I need my inlines.
Let's shoot the duck. I already have my in-lines ready. Hey, baby. Let's load up the truck. Do it again. Wait, let me pull your finger. Pull my finger. Okay. You're hilarious. Thank you, baby. I taste that one. I bet you do. Disgusting. Let's load up the truck. Let's load up the truck. Loading. And then let's go on now. Sorry, baby. Oh, my gosh. That one was not planned. Get out of here. That one slipped past the goalie. Don't tell me it didn't. It did. Oh, baby. My poop just said, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Done it again. Taste it. Hi, Hillary. How do you follow that, right? How do you follow that one? Easily. I don't know.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye. It's that conversation that makes it worse. They have the department head meeting yet? Not yet. When is it? Thursday, Friday? I think it's Thursday. We'll take a recording. Or is it? Or. Wow. What do you have coming up, Hillary? I grabbed the new Switchfoot record, Hello Hurricane. And Fitz and the Tantrums, some older Rides Against, new Arcade Fire, some Blur. I love it. All kinds of good stuff. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next. And tomorrow morning at 6, we'll be back and we'll do this all over again. Mike shows out later.