The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 04/16/10

0:01KBCT San Diego. I'm interrupting this broadcast to tell you. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. That's right. The feeling. Yesterday, we had to take the day off and we were at a conference. And so a lot of people were wondering what the deal is, where we were and all that. That's a deal. conference and uh we're back today we're live in the studio and you can call us 570-1949 feel free to give us a call uh all five of us are here uh myself woodsy pepper got sienna you got jay got a live studio audience so we're ready to rock and roll it's nice to have a day off yesterday it's nice to sleep in dude yeah i slept till

3:27like 7 30 uh-huh and then by the time i was up and at him it felt like noon yeah look at eight yeah noon it felt like you had slept forever right i woke up and i was so tired i had like the tired head yeah because we're not used to sleeping that late i know it and that's the deal man i mean if we are on the weekends it's the same thing for me For me, staying up late on a weekend is 9 o'clock at night. Well, I talked to Sienna, and both of us got out of bed at 3.45 to go potty. Really? Yeah. My body's trained, yeah. I woke up, I was like, and I walked in the bathroom, did my business, walked back and looked at the clock I go. How freaky is it to wake up when it was light out? Creepy. Creepy as it's ever been. I know it, right? It's so weird. Or, like me, to wake up to your own show and think that you slept in. Yeah. That was real good. Yeah. You thought you missed the program. Oh, you know that bit. Oh, yeah. It's my number one nightmare. Number one. I know. It's awesome. I'd rather have a killer clown in my bed than sleep through the show. You'd rather have a Swedish killer clown? Yes. They exist. You can hire one. Yes, you can. I'd rather have that. 570-1949 or 949mikey at gmail.com.

4:44Give us a call. You giving her the cougar sound effect because she's wearing the leopard print? I wore this recently. I just remembered now that he did that. I'm like, man. My wife says that's in. The leopard. And she says it's in right now. You can't have too much of it. You can't? Yeah. Like, what if you're head to toe? That's too much. Yeah. But, like, it can only come out every once in a while. Yeah. You can't have leopard stretch pants with high heels. Is that what you're saying? You can't have ears and a tail. It's too much. No. It's just that's too much. You can't have ears and a tail. Oh, yeah. That's what I would rock. Welcome to the show, everybody. Call us. Say hi. Or text us. Text Mikey or 949Mikey at gmail.com. We finally got to meet Pepper's mom and dad, which was awesome. Awesome. Loved them. Loved your mom. It's just hysterical. Watching her mom. Her mom does bits. Oh, yeah. Her mom does bits. Like, it's the funniest thing. And she told us, too. She said, you guys, just so you know, my mom's going to do bits. Yeah. Did you notice how quiet I was? She didn't say. A word. Not a word. She sat right next to me at lunch. And we all went to lunch the other day at, what's it called?

5:59Kehlani's. Kehlani's. Oh. And Encinitas. Great Hawaiian food. Macaroni salad. Yes, please. Yeah. I don't want to spoil the surprise if you read my recap. I love carbs with my carbs. Yeah. Carbs on carbs on carbs is delicious. Don't forget carbs. Yeah. And carbs. And I went back yesterday for lunch. I was thinking. I went back. I got the same. It's my jam. I got the same exact thing. I sat in the booth by myself and read the paper. Yeah. It was classic. I would have gone with you. My mouth was. Watering for it. Did you get some rice and some macaroni salad? Two macaroni salads. Two scoops. Yeah, two scoops of macaroni. I could have eaten seven. You should have said, can I get some pasta and toast with this as well? It was so good. To spread it in a bagel? To spread it in a bagel. We were sitting at lunch, and I was looking at Lauren, and she literally was just eating, and she didn't say anything. She would look at me and go, from time to time. I was so nervous. Lauren, talk to me about your emotions.

7:00What was going on inside? Because he's right. You were so quiet while your mom was doing her bits. It's like anxiety, embarrassment, stress. Let's describe some of the bits. The limo driver bit was number one. She loved her. It was almost like... Look at Lauren. Instantly like... I had a different bit that I liked more. It was almost like her mom, when they landed at the airport, was like, all right. I've got to remember all this. Because this is all going to be one big bit when I go on the Mikey show or when I meet the guys. And she was telling us about their crazy limo driver. I told my sister. They came in and she started telling that story to me. But I was at the meet and greet when they came in. So Carly, my sister, is sitting behind her like, yep, yep. I keep telling the story. And I said, oh, did you already hear that? And she goes, yeah. I go, I guarantee everyone in California will have heard the limo driver story. Tell it like your mom. I can't. You can't? You have to. I can't. You can't? Or just tell it. Pepper looks so miserable. She's so miserable. She's like, eject and change the subject. Are we allowed? Are we allowed to tell these things? No, you can totally. It's just, I've seriously heard it already like 12 times.

8:15What was the whole, I guess the point of it was that the limo driver had heard of the Mikey show. Yeah, but the bigger point for us was that your mom landed, was in town for 12 minutes. Yeah. And had a bit. And already had a bit. Yeah. She landed from New Jersey with your dad and your sister and began to tell everybody that her daughter. Was Pepper O'Brien from the Mikey show. Told the people at Kehlani's. That's right. Told the people at Kehlani's. But was telling the limo driver, she said, do you know the Mikey show? The limo driver said, yeah. And she said, yep, that's my daughter. She's on that show. Just so you know that. She's on that show. That's been her thing, like, the whole time she's been here. Yeah. Not even like a, do you listen to the radio? Yes. Have you heard of the Mikey show? Yes. Oh, well, then maybe, you know, it was, hey. My daughter's on the Mikey show. It was great. Pepper O'Brien. And she does the thing where she puts her hand up in the air and with her index finger points, you know, frantically points at her daughter's head. She can sign autographs if you want. She's proud. She was like, hey, guys, that's Mikey from the Mikey show. Yeah, she did. She's full on did. Oh, yeah. I feel for you, though. My mom who lives here.

9:25I mean, everywhere. I went to the bank the other day. I didn't know you're on the Mikey show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom calls me and leaves me a voicemail. Sienna, because of you, I just was able to return something that I shouldn't have been able to return. It's crazy. I had my first little taste the other day when I had to get a thing for my car. And I walked in, I gave the guy my license, and I had my FM 94.9 hoodie on. And he looked at me and he goes, You're the incorporator. And I was like, oh, my gosh, this is surreal. It was really cool, though. That's awesome. They're big listeners. So thanks, guys, at the Chevy dealership. Well, I had a blast. You could tell that Pepper was really uncomfortable. It was great, which made it so much better. Can I tell you what she did yesterday? She is so funny, man. She's something else. Well, they told me because they've been getting VG's Donuts because they're staying in Cardiff. So they've been getting VG's Donuts, which is where Jason works. A, she told me that they went in there, and my dad said to the guy that worked there, so what do you think of the Mikey show? Oh, God. And he thought it was Jay's son, Finn. It wasn't. They were trying to get a discount. They were trying to get a discount. I'm like, I don't even get, I couldn't just walk in there and say, hey, I work with Jay, so you know the drill. So yeah, they walk in, what do you think of the Mikey show? And the kid hadn't heard of the show, and he said, uh.

10:52I don't know. My dad's like, come on. What's your dad say? Oh, my gosh. And the guy's like, what? Yeah, I kept going with it. So then I was walking around the shopping. She's telling me this story. We're walking around the shopping center of Seaside Market. And I said, oh, my gosh, that's so funny. I'm like, I think that's Jason right there. I've never actually met Jason. I've only seen pictures of him. And so this kid walks by and I said, I swear that's got to be him. My mom says, what's his name? And I said, his name's Finn. And she goes, Finn. And the kid turned around and she goes, hi. And waves really quickly and then jumps into the store. Oh, that's great. Jay's going to have to ask him when he comes home because I don't know. He's probably like, what is going on with that lady over there? She wants a piece. It's so great. It's so great. My dad's going to be the same way when they get out here. The same. I love Lauren's mom's bit. You look like Uncle Johnny. And you look like Cousin Kelly. She took pictures of everybody at the table. She told me, you look like our fat.

11:56transsexual cousin that we have. So we're going to take a picture. Aunt Bruce. Aunt Bruce. Yeah, you look like Aunt Bruce. It's great. You look like Uncle Helen. It's really great to see you, Uncle Helen. Aunt Bruce. Hi, Aunt. Doesn't he look like Aunt Bruce? I go, Mrs. O'Brien, dude, she goes, you can call me Joanne. I said, all right, this is Joanne. I said, I can't remember what I asked her, but it turned into a story about when they were younger and they used to, when she was dating Mr. O'Brien. This is my favorite. This is classic. This is my favorite. Was that your favorite story? She's got great stories. They're so embarrassing to Lauren, but we love, I almost love them because they're embarrassing. That's a hundred. I loved that Lauren was so uncomfortable. I was looking at it going. What did she say? Jive, Jocelyn something. She said that when she was growing up, that she was telling us about this way that they used to dance, and that was kind of embarrassing, this jive, hustle, and whatever. But she said, you know, and let me tell you guys something. I used to scale a fence so that I could make out with Lauren's dad. Oh, yeah. For three hours. For three hours. You look at Lauren, Lauren's like, writing. Like, you're seeing her face. Like, are you, mom, mom, like, really? Oh, yeah. And how she would hitchhike and stuff. Elizabeth. This is great.

13:14And my girlfriend used to say to the guys when we would pull over sometimes when they were nerds, she would say, hit the road, buzzard. Hit the road, buzzard. But it wasn't even like that. She was saying those words, but hysterically laughing through her tears were coming down her face. I loved it. I forgot about hit the road, buzzard. It's the best. I forgot about that one. Even now, even now, Lauren's like. I go through the same thing. I go through the same thing. Everybody does with their parents. When Gary and Marsha come in town, you guys prepare yourselves. I can't wait. Me either. We got to all go to dinner so you guys can see my dad do his bit. But just so lovable. So lovable. Such nice people. Loved them. They are awesome. There was a volcano that erupted in Iceland? Yeah, on Wednesday. And because of the volcanic eruption, there has been... Ash everywhere. Really? Everywhere. I'm talking all over Europe. There's been flights delayed, canceled. Over 6,000 flights were canceled across Europe. So I'm talking like even flights from the U.S. going to Europe. They can't go there. And Woods was even saying Coachella's going on this weekend. Well, there's a couple of bands, Mike. The Cribs have actually had to cancel their show. And then there's another band called Wakefield. And what they did is they're like, well, what we'll do is we'll drive to Amsterdam, which is 16 hours.

14:33went on a 16-hour drive. They were going to catch another flight to the States. I mean, here's the deal. Coachella is a huge deal for these bands. And so they finally conceded that they're not going to make their flight either. So I know you're disappointed, Mikey, but no Cribs and no Wakefield. Yeah. And the reason is... All have to plan accordingly. The reason is obviously the visibility for the planes, but also ash from the volcanic eruptions can damage airplane engines and airframes. It's crazy. Even in France alone, they shut down 24 airports. There was no ash in Germany, Michael. Yeah, there wasn't? No. Or Austria. Ash free. Really? Wolfgang, what would you have done? Would you have driven 16 hours to get to Coachella? Absolutely not. You wouldn't? Absolutely not. This isn't not your thing. I'd stay in Germany all weekend. All weekend? Yes. What'd you do? Just hang out and go have some beer? Something like that. What about some schnitzel? I had some schnitzel and some champagne. It was great. It's a good combo. 570-1949 is our number. 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to get a hold of us by text message. There is news on the woman that was cheating with Tiger Woods that's from San Diego. In fact...

15:47Well, she was one of the first ones that was ever talked about, right? Yeah, Jamie Grubbs. She's from Escondido. She's the one that had the voicemail from Tiger. That's the thing that kicked it all off, right? You know how that voicemail went. Yeah, it was, hey, it's Tiger. I need you to delete all your messages from me immediately. That's right. Immediately. I don't want one of them. I don't want one of them on there. Well, she's, I think, like 23 or 24 years old. Pretty girl. She was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of driving under with a suspended license in West Hollywood. She was taken into custody after a random license plate check after her car showed she had three outstanding warrants. For the offense, I guess. Really? So they pulled her over. She went into jail. She was held on bail for over $30,000. And she was released yesterday morning. But now she's going to have to go to court and stuff like that. But yeah, you've seen her, right? Here's a little pic. She's a pretty girl. She's like models and stuff like that. The woods, no creep, no creep. Blonde or brunette? Naturally brunette, I'm sure. Has the blonde highlights. Yeah. Dirty hot. Dirty hot. D-H.

16:54Yeah, he's right. She's very DH, dude. Dirty hot. She's way dirty hot. That's what you call dirty hot. 100%. That's the definition of dirty hot. Because you want to say that, especially because she's not smiling in that picture. No, she's not. She looks very disturbed and dark. Pouting her lips. Which I've been on. It's a really odd composition, if you ask me. And the reason that I say that... It is, Ansel Adams. Well, the reason I say it is because... She's very done up, very glamorously. Yeah. And she's wearing a very provocatively cut dress. Sitting next to a wagon wheel that looks like it just came off the Wells Fargo. That's the irony, Mike. That's the irony? That's the irony. As if the picture is saying to you, I'm not from 1847. I did not come over on a wagon in the wagon train. No, I did not. Two snaps. Maybe we just keep this by the kids' desk. All right, you can hang on to that, buddy. Sure. You can take that. We have listeners in the studio today. So who is the food? Who's catering food today and coming in, Jay? That is a fantastic question. They're called croutons. Croutons. Nice. It sounded good when I was looking at the menu. It is good. I've been to the one in Carlsbad before. Weird.

18:13Sienna, what is the deal with the Marine that was putting stuff on his Facebook, I guess, right, about... President Obama? Yeah, okay. Well, this story came out earlier this week, and it's just getting bigger and bigger. This Sergeant Gary Stein, he's over at Camp Pendleton, a Marine. He has a Facebook page that he started about three weeks ago. It's called Armed Forces Tea Party Patriots, where basically he is just speaking openly about how he feels about President Obama, his opposition on his health care overhaul, all of this stuff. And as I'm sure you know, if you're... in the military, the Navy, anything like that, you cannot speak freely about the government. I did not know that. Yeah, you're not supposed to. I mean, it makes sense. I just didn't know it was a policy. Yeah, they're prohibited from sponsoring a political club, writing anything that solicits votes for a political cause, or speaking at any event that promotes a political movement. So apparently Facebook, you know, fits in that category. One of our listeners that's in studio today was just waving. Now, were you ever in the military or no?

19:14Yes. Come over to the microphone. Let me ask you. Fill us in. Is that a known thing that they sort of talk to you about or you just know it? Oh, absolutely. Especially if you've got any experience several years in. Because the president is the commander in chief. Right. Okay. And so he's part of your chain of command. And so he is your chain of command. That's the man. So now knowing that, how do you feel? Are you ex-military? Yes, I'm ex-military. How do you feel about it, ex-military? How do you feel about it? Well, those are the rules. And you know the rules. Yeah. You know, regardless of how you personally feel, you're allowed to have your personal opinions and you can vote. Yeah. But you just can't. Yeah. It's called the Department of Defense. Right. Yeah. Now, I thank you for that. And I'll tell you, I agree with that. And even though I'm a conservative Republican, I don't think dude should be if he's in the military, he shouldn't be. Talking smack about our president. Well, he says that he respects Obama and will follow any order handed down by his commander in chief. But he's going to continue to voice his opinions on Facebook. Right when this happened, they called him on it on Tuesday. And they said, look, you need to review your Department of Defense. You know, you can't do stuff like this. And I guess he was saying some things that are really out of line. Right. So he those posts on Facebook have been deleted. But he is continuing this Facebook page. He's just going to says he's going to watch what he says a lot more carefully. Wow. Yeah.

20:34Pepper O'Brien is picking the music today. And I like it. Me too. Little Beatles. Okay, this. Strap yourselves in. And what I mean by this is, what I want you to do is, if you're driving right now, just tighten that seatbelt a little tighter. Maybe pull over for this one. Maybe pull over for this one. Let me tell you what's coming up. You can't even tease it for as good as it is. I'm going to kill the music. Kill the music. Uh-oh, this is dramatic. Woodsy and I have come across a piece of audio, okay? And it's of Scott Stapp, lead singer of the band Creed. Now, do you guys know the song Higher by Creed? Yeah. Can you take me higher? Yeah. Very emotionally charged song, isn't it? Oh, no. Well, Scott has gone back into the mix laboratory. The beat laboratory. The beat laboratory, okay?

21:36He's a fan of the Florida Marlins. Okay. And he's recorded a song for the Florida Marlins, and it's called Marlins Soar. Now, which Marlins can't soar. Yeah, they can. Sienna said they can. They jump out of the water. Clear water. Like a dolphin. Okay. You know what? You talked me into it. All right. So Marlins can, in fact, in a way, they can soar. Can they? Okay. They could have said Marlins swim, you know. I just, and I'll let you be the judge, but when we come back, we're going to play Scott Stapp's Marlon Soar. He means it. You're going to die. You're going to die. He's not kidding is the deal. When he sings this, you're going to go, really? That's what I say about all of his songs. But some of his songs are about having children. Right.

22:31And so to that extent, I go, I understand. He's like singing passionately this song about love for his child. But when he but imagine the Marlins hit another home run. You're going to die. It's sort of like that. And we'll do it next. For United States, 2010 census form may be on its way in the mail or may have arrived at your home. Along with your Uncle Fred. Good to see you. Cousin Anne. Hey, we're here. Her husband Matt. Hey. The twins. This is awesome. And their cat Fluffy.

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27:20Volkswagens, Hyundais, Nissans, Hondas, and more. All red tag discount price for this special sale. Most used vehicles come with the Drew Value limited warranty. 12 months or 12,000 miles. See Drew for details. But shop early online at DrewFord.com or at the store where the I-8 and the 125 meet in La Mesa. As soon as you send out the invites to your Cinco de Mayo party, be sure to visit Rubio's.com. The Rubio's A-Go-Go catering options are sure to please a crowd. From the building your own taco bar to burrito trays and the longboard sampler, it's easy to get the party started with Rubio's Fresh Mexican Grill. Good morning. This report brought to you by Jack in the Box. You can come to Jack in the Box and try Jack's new fries. They're crispy, golden, delicious, and salted just right. And Jack's giving them away free during Free Friday today. So check them out. On the old Highway 80 Sunrise Highway disabled vehicle minivan blocking the northbound lane. They've got their hazard lights on. Also coming through Vista on the 70 eastbound between Emerald Drive, San Marcos Boulevard. It's a little slow. And the 805 southbound between El Cajon Boulevard, Imperial Avenue. We've got a little delay there as well.

28:24This report also brought to you by The Home Depot. The Home Depot's made a special buy on one-gallon gardenias. Right now, you could get three for just $12. More saving, more doing. That's the power of The Home Depot. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Here's more of The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. How about that from Pepper? The peps picking the music. Little Aerosmith, Dream On. An Aerosmith is what? Pepper says that Aerosmith is about as hard as she'll rock. She says she doesn't rock it too hard. Well, but then I came back to think about it, and I think in generalities, the hardest band that I'll rock out to is Aerosmith, but there's a few that seep in there. She's like, I'll let Pantera kick my head. Slayer. Slayer. On a Sunday, it's really... I'll bang my head. Yeah. I like to, you know...

29:29Clean the apartment to a little slayer. You know, Steven Tyler wrote that song when he was 17 years old. Dream on? 17, bro. Weird. That's really weird to me. That's an iconic song. For the last 40 years or whatever. And a 17-year-old wrote it? 17. Wow. Yeah, kind of puts Miley and Britney to shame, doesn't it? Yeah. He says, I know what nobody knows at 17. I don't know. Nobody knows. I believe that songwriting has not been really, really cool. And some people are going to kill me on it and go, well, what about... Okay, so I know there's exceptions. What about Taylor Swift? She's amazing. Well, I just think that there haven't been real songwriters since the 70s. What I mean by that is that in the 70s, I think that there was a... A lot more of them. There's a premium place on songwriting. Yeah. I mean, you could make a living. I'm sure you can now, too. Oh, yeah. But, like, you know, guys like Chris Christopherson, people like that, they wrote hits like, I mean, Chris Christopherson wrote Me and Bobby McGee. Yeah, he wrote a ton of songs. He wrote a ton of stuff. Country dude. Yeah. Yeah. Greatness. Yeah. People still, I mean, people still make a real good living doing that. I told my brother-in-law, man, hey, write a couple tunes, give them to Daughtry, and retire. For sure. You know? For sure, right?

30:55Hey, what about this? Why don't we do a little bit of this so that you can hear this really incredible recording? I almost don't even want to report on anything else. We are going to get to that Scott Stapp song in a minute. And please pull over and give yourself some breathing room. It's going to blow your mind. And I'm not even overselling it. I'm not. It's that bad. Really? Yes, I swear. Yesterday in Major League Baseball was Jackie Robinson Day. Of course, we were out, didn't get to report on sports yesterday, so I wanted to give Jackie his due for sure as much as I can. Every player in the league wore number 42 in his honor, which was very, very cool. And very interesting to see when you're watching a game. Bunch of 42s running around. Rachel Robinson, his widow, was at Yankee Stadium. And Yankee second baseman Robinson Cano, for whom he was named after, came out, did pictures with her, the whole thing. It was a very touching day for a lot of people. And then the Yanks went out and beat the Angels 6-2. Police released documents. It's going to be every day.

32:04You don't worry about it. There's so many people, I think, that wonder, why does he do that? Well, when we do Pep on Sports or Mike on Sports, and you guys can do whatever stories you want. Okay. Police released documents. I do stories for you. Yeah, Sienna, that's fine. Police released documents yesterday from Big Ben Roethlisberger's accuser. She allegedly told him, quote, no, this is not okay. And then he had sex with me. He said it was okay. He then left without saying anything. And the Steelers president, Art Rooney II, has come out and said, They're ready to discipline Big Ben, but the punishment will be coordinated with the NFL. Here he is talking about it. Cut one. Let me say at this point that we believe each of our players not only has a responsibility to live up to the highest standards on the field, but also to equally high standards off the field. Receiving the support of Pittsburgh Steelers fans all over the world is something that must be earned. I've made it clear to Ben that his conduct in this incident did not live up to our standards. We've made it very clear to Ben that there will be consequences for his action. And Ben has indicated to us that he's willing to accept those consequences. So it looks like some punishment will be coming down. In related news, Roger Goodell, who's the commissioner of the NFL, has released a memo to all the owners. And basically, I mean, I can sum it up for you. Keep your guys out of trouble. Keep your eyes on them. You know, basically.

33:29There's been several negative incidents. These incidents include subjects that we have previously identified as troublesome, alcohol-related, violence against women, and weapons. And he's like, guys, take control of your teams. Take control of your players. In any other company in the world, these guys would be on the street. Yeah, for sure. I wonder if the GMs will call a meeting with players and bring them all in and tell them that. Wouldn't you? I mean, guys, stay out of trouble, please. You know, I mean, as hard as it may be. And then, you know, some of our local Red Sox fans here in the San Diego area, they're always giving me grief because I never report on the Red Sox. So I figured I'd throw them a bone today. Red Sox lost to the Twins 8-0 yesterday. Oh, really? Really? Is that how you get? Yeah. Big Sloppy is still batting about 150. So that's good. There you go, Sox fans. You guys happy now? So we got the losing score of the Red Sox and the winning score of the Yankees today. It's interesting. Yeah. Well, they never, you know, they were giving me grief. I told them I'd do some reporting on the Sox today. So have a ball. So mean. So we talked about it. We teased it. This is Scott Stapp's ode.

34:39To the Florida Marlins. Oh, my God. It's gorgeous. It's angelic. It's a song you originally wrote about America. It's a Marlin noise. Of course, it is catchy. It's about a bass. It's catchy like crabs. It's catchy. Now, me and Woodsy have a different opinion here. Woodsy, he actually doesn't like anything about Scott Stapp's voice. You don't like Scott Stapp at all. No. How could you? See, my deal... See the same guy from Nickelback? I'm serious. I'm so... That's sad Kroger. Well, my deal with it is, wow, it sure seems a little overwrought for a baseball song. Do you think so, dude? Wait, what's it...

36:29This is what I want to know. Is it supposed to be, like, his new hit single? No. Or is it supposed to be, like... Yeah, why did he record it? It's like, okay, I love the Yankees. I'm not going to go in and be like, New York, I love you, Jeter. But, I mean, if he was hired to do, like, a jingle. I mean, I would. No, I bet you he wasn't. We don't know. Where is it going to be used? I don't know. For the Marlins game. But let's say the Marlins came to him, and they said, Scott, will you write us a song that we can play to really fire up the fans? If I were Scott... I would do something a little bit more fun, you know? This is more like, you know, the Marlins are really like the United States of America, you know? Catching and sliding and swinging. Single, double, triple, home run. It sounds like a Chevy or like a Coors Light. It does, yeah. It does. Like when you hear it, it's as if you're supposed to like wipe away, you know, it's like you're wiping a tear away. The best part when he talks about sliding in second base. But maybe that's what he's going for. You think like America. There is no defense. There's no defense. There's no defense for how bad that is. Clearly it's what he's going for. Oh, wow.

37:36Can I just say this, by the way? Can I say this? Privacy in my own home this morning. I'm going through the audio clips, okay? And I wish there could have been a camera on me because what I did was left hand cover mouth. This is what I did. I went like this. I played it and I went... Surprise hand up to mouth. I giggled like a schoolgirl when I listened to the audio. That's why I go... Because I knew... Expect from Creed. I'll tell you what. It's not first of all. The guys from Creed would want you to know. Not Creed. Not us. This is Scott Stapp. This is a solo project. But I would, here's what I would expect. I would expect like, let's go Marlins. Let's have some baseball fun. Can you catch that fly ball? I didn't expect like. The Marlins are in my heart, and I love them so freaking much. I would die for you, you Marlins. What if you were a Marlins fan, though? I would be like, Marlins fans are running. They're like, we're going for the Mets now. Well, what about, who was the guy that wrote that? Oh, you ready for some football? That's freaking Hank Williams. That's fun. That's fun. Like, the idea of that is fun. It's fun.

38:55And first of all, he didn't write, are you ready for some football? But they had him rewrite it for Monday Night Football. It's Hank Williams Jr. And it's a fun song. The idea is that it's a fun song. It's cheesy, but that's the worst thing I've ever heard. It's the idea of taking it very serious. There's no defense. There's no devil's advocate. There's a reason that they had him. Write that. Maybe he's big in, where is it? Florida? Florida. He's in Florida. Yeah, maybe he's big in Florida. We don't know that they had him. Yeah, I think he maybe just likes him and wanted to get back in the mix. I don't think so. Like Pantera in Dallas, they wrote the Dallas Stars theme song. Mm-hmm. Killer. Yeah. Killer. What's it like? It's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da They did not do that. No, they did not do that. Oh. Oh, the San Diego Chargers. And I'm telling you, that thing is a very, you know, that thing gives me, makes the hair stand up. What about the other one I was just singing? San Diego Superchargers. Never been a fan. I love that one. I know. People, most locals really love the San Diego Superchargers song. I'm like, Scott Stab. Yeah, that.

40:20Are we hearing it again? Got to. Some of it. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Like a tenacious D song. Yeah. The roar of the crowd. There's nine people that go to Marlins games. Nine. That's the other thing. Nobody goes. No. They're trying to get them out there. It's a patriotic cry. I think it's coming. Have a little faith in your gills. I guarantee if this song is played. I guarantee, though, if it's played with some, like, clips of past games and them hugging each other. No. When he says sore, a home run. A montage. Yeah. People would be, like, Marlon fans would be like. No. Yes. So. Yes. She kind of got me with that. No way. A little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. Yes.

41:38I'm trying to think of it. I'm like, what if it... I'm not trying to defend him. She might have got me with that because as soon as I started picturing it, like it touched something in me. It'll touch something in them too. It will. But I will say this. If somebody had said, have you guys seen that band that did a parody of Creed for the Marlins? Genius. I would have gone... It's brilliant. It sounds just like Creed. And it's really funny because they're talking about home runs and doubles and all that stuff. Just pretend in your mind that this is not Creed. It's not Scott Staff. It's a guy that sounds like him. And they're doing a thing like that's a parody about the Marlins. I would die laughing. This would be my favorite part. I'd be like, you guys, you got to hear this part. How much does he sound like the dude from Creed? To you. A stolen beer. I guarantee you he put the band together to do the song, and he didn't tell them what it was about. He's like, trust me, you do the drums, you do the bass, you do the guitar. I'm going to add the lyrics later, don't worry about it, but this is how it sounds, and they went in and they cut it, and there are probably three dudes in Miami right now digging a hole for themselves. Yeah, absolutely. It was an embarrassment. They recorded the music, they laid the music track down, and when they laid the track down, they were like, hey man,

43:30This is about the Statue of Liberty, right? America and like this really like pump up tune. And he's like, he's like, yeah, yeah, that's what it's about. That's what it's about. It's about fish. It's about, no. Yeah, it's about Statue of Liberty, man. It's about like how. It's about freedom. Yeah, dude. It's about freedom. They're like, oh, dude. For the troops. Rad, man. Can't wait to hear the lyrics. Good to play with you. It's great to play with you, Scott. The song's called Freedom. And then they hear it, and he's like, strikeouts and stalled in beige. Kill me, dude. It's the worst. Get your ball. Can you imagine that phone call? So now the nine fans that did come are now, not only are they embarrassed because they're, I mean, nobody comes to the games, and their payroll's like $70. Now Scott Stapp sings their theme song. I guarantee they dig it. I have friends in Miami. I'll ask them. I've been to parts of Florida. Their guitar player is like, Hey, dude, I was just listening to the radio right now. And I heard the tracks we laid down, bro. But you're singing about the Marlins, dude. That couldn't be it. And I know that, like.

44:38Really? What happened to Freedom? Well, yeah, what happened to Freedom, bro? How were you doing Freedom? How were you doing Freedom? And I heard you singing about strikeouts and stolen bases, bro. I knew that couldn't be right. That's not fair. We trusted you. It's great. 570-1949. We have to play it again later. How about now? How about now? Is now later enough? Is that going to do? No, I don't think it is. I'm starting to really get used to it and like it. I'm telling you 100% without exception. Lauren is 100% right about the fans in Florida. I will guarantee you this is going to become their anthem. I guarantee it. It's going to show like a mother and son in the crowd, like arm in arm, just watching baseball together. Absolutely. A little girl on her dad's shoulders. Little girl on her dad's shoulders. Yeah. They're going to show, you know what else? This will be a scene. They're going to show a 12-year-old boy with his hands together.

46:08You know, like watching and hoping. Watching, hoping, and praying. Watching, hoping, and praying. He's in the stands. It's the ninth inning. And he's just like. And then when Soar comes on, he'll look up and go. Yes. He'll put his hands in the air. Mouth open. I got to do some research and find out if this was. I literally picture him showing up at the Marlins stadium. And being like, hey, I did this tape for you guys. No way. Cool, dude. Thanks, man. They throw it in a shoebox somewhere. That's way too much work. I think Lauren's right. I bet you they adopt... If he didn't write it for them... They'll adopt it. They'll adopt it. I'm sure he did. I'm sure there's a big Creed following, or Scott's... They're from Florida. Yeah. Oh, are they? Yeah, they're from... Oh, I'm sure there's a huge following. Tally Hasse, I think. Mm-hmm. That can make sense. Tally Hasse. Let's see. Uh... There's a lot of Obama news today, man. I know it. It's like everything is Obama stuff today. I'm not really sure why. And Sienna said that it was kind of a slow news day, too. Yeah. But she said that... Every once in a while, there's just stories that I'm like, okay, I'll put it in there. What's the visitation rights for gays and lesbians that he ordered? Well, apparently...

47:32I'm not surprised that that was the law before. But, I mean, you know how you need to be immediate family in order to go in and visit someone who's in the hospital. Right. A lot of times. Well, if you're gay, you know, you're not immediate family because a lot of people can't marry, you know. So now he's changing the law so that it's up to the patient in the hospital. Whoever they want to let in will be allowed in. I think that's fair. I think that's 100% fair. I think that if you want somebody to visit you, regardless of sex, gender, whatever. What's your argument? I'm in the hospital. I'd kind of like to be cheered up a little bit. I'm talking about a friend. You know what I mean? Why would it be family and family only? I don't get it. I want people who hate me only to come visit me. Exactly. Tell me about the Empire State Jumper. Well, yesterday they thought. This is not a downer story, by the way. No, no, no. Yesterday they thought that there was a jumper from the Empire State Building. And they discovered that, nope, it was a male figure standing on the ledge. But it was a cast iron statue that was put on the ledge in late March as part of an artist.

48:42Antonio Gourmet's exhibit. So it's been up there for... Good idea. Just let it sit there so it can fall off. Antonio Gourmet's. That's what he does. No, it didn't fall off. Great. Thank you, Antonio. It didn't fall off. Someone just looked up and was like, look out! Don't do it! Mike, are you not familiar with Antonio Gourmet's work? Of course I am. Yeah, I've got... He does this bit all the time. What is a bit? That bit. What is a bit? It makes it look like real things that will happen. Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, right. Like he did. In Copenhagen. In Copenhagen when he did the famous Copenhagen statue. So apparently something, you know, all of a sudden everyone started noticing the statue from down below, I guess. And they were calling 911. There's a jumper. There's a jumper. Get over there. And, you know, 911, as well as everywhere else, is short on cops and stuff like that. They have, you know, budget cuts. Oh, we should do the King Kong. How great would that be if he did a statue of King Kong? People are calling and they're like, oh, no. There's King Kong. King Kong. He's scaling the building. All right. Oh, old Antonio. Antonio Gormley's exhibit. That's what I said. Antonio. He's such a clown. Oh, look at Pepper picking a little aha. Chris Rock was giving some advice to Tiger Woods. It's actually not bad advice. I got it.

50:17And you know what else we're going to do? The Little Wiz pop quiz. Yay! Sienna went out and talked to little kids about Coachella. Unbelievable. How about that? I love it. We'll play it next. Is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Springtime is here at BMW Encinitas. Blue skies and great weather. The perfect time of year for a brand new BMW convertible. And right now, during the spring sales drive at BMW Encinitas, you can take advantage of up to a $2,500 spring drive credit.

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54:56icy cold soft drinks to 79 cents. That's a lot of refreshment for very little change. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. San Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station, the new home of The Mikey Show. This is FM 94.9. Is that going to be the post, the doo-doo-doo-doo part? No, that part. Oh, but I feel like I'm walking over it if I talk over the doo-doo-doo. Yeah, you can't walk on the doo-doo. A program director would say to me, Mike, you can't walk on the doo-doo. Can't walk on the doo-doo. You know damn well you can't walk on doo-doo, Mike. You know you can't. You did it. So you're off for a week, pal. Come back next week. Try it again. What do you want me to give you? Time, temp. Time, temp. Time. Time. Station, obviously. Time, station. Temp. Request. I got a request? Yep. Who's it going out to? Sienna.

56:11Going out to Sienna. From Todd. From Todd. The God. Todd. Todd the God. I'm just going to call him Todd. That's too ridiculous for a light and easy favorite place. What about Todd TG? TTG. TTG. It's going out to TTG? It's going out to Sienna from TTG. Okay. Don't call him Todd the God. Sure you won't. Like we don't call her Pepper. Is that it? That's it. And then what's a big station promotion going on at K-Wave 97 FM? Light and Easy Jazz Fest. Light and Easy Jazz Fest. There you go. You know that. Do you have enough time to get all this in? You bet I do. Oh, gosh. Are you going to spill something on your pants? He didn't spill anything. Michael Shannon. Didn't he? I was at a, what was her name? Ann Marie? No, no, no. Susan. Might as well have been Ann Marie. I was presenting a concert for K-Wave 97 FM at a jazz festival, a wine and jazz festival. Wasn't it at a winery? Yeah, it was at a mountain winery. And it was Judy Collins. She sings the song, Bring in the Clowns. My theme song. Yeah. And I was so nervous, and I was very overweight, and I wore suspenders.

57:35But I wore suspenders because they were cool. They were cool. Those look cool on you. I'm telling you, that wasn't really me. That's a superimposed picture of rerun with my face over it. That's identical. I had faux glasses. They weren't even real. They were cosmetic glasses that I wore. Tortoise shell. Tortoise shell. And I came out on stage to introduce Judy Collins. Problem is, I'd just gone to the urinal and there was a little drip and I had to walk out on stage like that. Terrible. I would do anything to be able to go see that live. There have to be pictures of you. It's got to be. We've burned them all. First of all, there wasn't, and if there was, they would have been from people at the winery, and they weren't going to take a picture of that. But what about your mom during that time? During that time when you wore suspenders and you wore those glasses. I'm telling you, I promise you this. If there were a photograph of that, I'd... Show ya. This is up in, what, San Bernardino? You take the strangest guesses. This was in Cleveland, right? This was in Copenhagen, right? Wasn't this in Copenhagen, Denmark? Where was this? Yeah, where was it? San Bernardino? I don't know. I don't know. It was in Buellton. Was this in Arrowhead Lake? Mike? Arrowhead Lake, right? This is random. Random places that she'll take a guess. Was this at that waterfall in Tahoe that you never found? That you missed?

59:03No. Mikey. No. Where was it? Did you ever have anybody ask you for your autograph when you worked at K-Wave? Never. Not one time. Would you have signed it Michael Shannon? Of course. Was I going to sign it with my legal nom de plume? What was I going to do? Of course I was Michael Shannon at the time. Who the hell is Mike Esparza? Of course. Please. I'm not signing a check. K-Wave it up, baby. K-Wave 97 FM. Love this song. From Looking Glass. In fact, when Looking Glass first recorded this in the 60s, they got so much grief. Because no one in the band knew Brandy. Well, wait a minute. I thought you want me to hit it or you don't want me to hit it? No, you can't step up. Oh, I can't. That's why I said I don't think you'll have enough time. Okay. No, I get... Trust me. I was like, he's never going to make it. He's never going to make it. All right, here we go. I know, sweating. Here's what I got to give. I got to give time. I got to give the station. I got to give the temperature. I got to give... That it's going out from Siena to TTG. And don't forget about the light and easy jazz fest coming up. I don't think he can get it. Wow. It's a short little. Here we go. You ready? Yeah. K-Wave 97 FM 703. Want to let people know that Siena is very in love with TTG. Called in this morning and said, can you please send this one out to him? Brandy Looking Glass. You know what? Let me tell you something. It is not too long and I need to concentrate. Wow. Honestly. Should we all turn around? No, no, no. I got it.

1:00:34Here we go. You ready? You ready? I feel like such a dork. Because that was easy. You know what that is? That's batting practice. And I'm just like, I decide I'm not going to swing. There we go. K-Wave 97 FM. Gorgeous 72 degrees today here in San Diego. Hey, light and easy jazz fest this weekend. Don't forget that. This one's going out to Sienna from TTG. This is Little Looking Glass. Brandy. That's the way you should do that. I tried it in my car. All day yesterday. I still haven't tried it. You did? Yeah, I tried it. I could not do it. Yeah, that's hard. It is an art form. Wow. That's great, Mike. I talked to my wife about that last night, and she said, oh, I love when you do that. And I said, yeah, you know, everybody on the show said that, too, and listeners really liked it. I said, why? What do you like about it? She goes, well, I just love hearing you do that goofy voice, number one. Well, that's part of it. Yeah. I mean, because we all grew up.

1:01:31listening to our parents like oldies and stuff and you're like that was the bit man that was their thing it was the same thing every time but it's you never know till you work in this business how freaking hard that is to do i tried it and i was it's embarrassing yeah because pep tried it yesterday and pep was like i thought it was easy right didn't you think it was horrible horrible well you thought when we were talking about it you were like what yeah i I didn't find the whole bit really interesting or funny. Yeah, because you were like, well, isn't... You thought like me. I was like, can't everybody do that? He's just doing what you do. And then I tried it. And I'm like, wow, that's really hard. It's really, really difficult to do. M1 He-Man's on the line. What's up, bro? Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Hey, baby. Hey, man. What's going on? I just wanted to tell Woods about MLB.com. Yeah. They have Beat the Streak. And you can win $3 million. If you pick 57 hitters in a row that would get a hit every day in baseball. I played that one year, dude, and I think I made it 14 games. You have to pick how many? You have to pick 57. In a row? In a row. Every day. So 57 days. You have to pick a player that's going to get just one hit. So like today I would say, today I would look at the matchups and I'd say, let's see, the Yanks are playing the Rangers.

1:02:54C.J. Wilson's pitching. He's a lefty. I'm going to go ahead and pick Jeter today. Jeter's going to get one hit today. And tomorrow I'll say, you know, Chase Headley from the Padres is going to get a hit today. Then the next day, Adrian Gonzalez. And then you just pick somebody to get a hit. If you wanted to, could you pick Adrian Gonzalez every day? Yeah. Wow. But then that would mean he'd have to get 57 hits in a row. The streak, the record, is by Joe DiMaggio, 56 games in a row. Is that why it's set to 57? Yeah, that's why it's set to 57. That's cool. It'll never be broken. But will anybody be able to, is it real hard to do He-Man? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah. You got 14 games in a row? I think I got 14 or 15 games in a row. I picked somebody that got one hit. He-Man, do you have to pay to do it? No, it's free. It's free if you go online. How'd you do? What's the best you've done? I just started yesterday, so I'm waiting today. Who did you pick yesterday? Oh, I picked last night for today. I picked Tampa Bay, Breckett. You know what? I don't know anything about baseball. Breckett or Bartlett? Bartlett. Bartlett, yeah. I don't know anything about baseball. That sounds fun to me. That sounds like it would be a fun thing to do. I don't know anything about baseball, but I could do that. And you'd win. I could take a guess. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, for sure. That's rad. And I think all the M1s out there should try out, and maybe someone will win $3 million.

1:04:12Dude, $3 million. Hey, take the kid to lunch, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. You guys have a good day. Thanks, brother. Dude, if I won that, I'm not kidding you. I'll take you to Coco's now. I want you all. It's on me. Coco's. It's on me. The whole thing. Anything you want, bro. Get some pie. You want appetizer, entree, dessert on me. Done. Don't even worry about it. Can I get something to go? Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Whoa. Oh, wow. That's. In addition to your meal, Jay? You can get one for later. You can get a dessert. Maybe get lunch and dinner. Crazy story. Sorry. Rabbit Trail, got to tell you this story. He just made me think of it. Maybe it'll turn into a topic. Most embarrassed you've ever been on a business meal. Okay? You told me this. It's not the one you're thinking. The bib with Rick Jackson? The what? The bib. That was really embarrassing. Our general manager here at this radio station, we went to Joe's Crab Shack and they put a bib on me to have crab. Why did you have a bib? Because you ordered a freaking steamer pot full of clams and mussels. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Dude, just get some fish and chips or something. Mikey, did you have a bib on because you ordered strained peas? Yes, I had ordered strained peas. The steamer pot, dude, really? Why the high chair?

1:05:32You know what? It was a booster seat. Why the burpee cloth? A steamer pot. Okay. Well, the most embarrassing, and if anybody has one, it like blows people away. 5701949. When I was working with Woodsy in Dallas, I don't know if you went to Sam Adams Summer Jam. No. Okay. No, I wasn't allowed. I don't blame them. What they would do. is they would send a bunch of people, a bunch of morning disc jockeys from all over the country. They would send them to Boston and the guy, Jim Cook, that owns Sam Adams beer that you see in all the commercials, he would personally flip the bill. I'm Jim Cook. I'm Jim Cook. I love Sam Adams. That guy. He would fly all these morning disc jockeys out to Boston and he would set up and it cost him a lot of money because an entertainment company produced it. They'd set up this giant tent. They had all these tables set up with broadcast equipment for all the different DJs to come out and broadcast their shows from there. You would sample Sam Adams beer. You would talk about it. And in addition to it, he would also fly in big name celebrities. And so Mark Wahlberg would be sitting across from you doing an interview with you. All these big name celebrities would come out for it. And then that night, he would send you to a concert that was a private concert that he would pay to have this band play just for the DJs.

1:06:56and a couple of listeners from each station. For instance, one year, it was the Stone Temple Pilots. No freaking way. And they played in this small little venue in Boston, and the only people that got to go were the winners and blah, blah, blah. So they sent us out there, and they sent an engineer with us to, you know, set all the equipment up. This particular engineer was a bit of an odd bird. And the... salesperson that was in charge of this account, this Sam Adams account. Amy Jan. Nope. Mark Bauman. Mark Mauman. I don't remember. I don't remember. Maybe it was Amy Jan. I think it was Amy Jan. We went... Oh, yeah, Amy Jan. Yeah, me and her go way back. Totally. We went to a big fancy dinner in Boston. Everyone ordered whatever they wanted because they knew that the bill was going to be...

1:07:55taken care of by the Sam Adams, by the Sam, the client, the client was going to cover it. And so people were getting some pretty good things. I mean, we were getting some pretty, you know, there was some lobsters flowing around that night. This is making me so nervous. I'm so nervous. Little booze flowing. Little booze flowing. I know where this is going. I think I've heard it before. And so at the very end of the night, Three hour long, drawn out appetizer, drinks, entree, desserts. End of the night. You know the end of the night when everybody's leaned back in their chair and they're like, hey, can we get you anything else? And everybody's like, oh my gosh, no. I want to get out of here. I already had too much. The engineer says, I wouldn't mind another lobster entree. What Sienna just did right now is what the server did. Oh, did that. She went. That's great. Yeah. And he goes, really? And we all puckered up like. Oh, God. He did not. And I remember Amy, the rep. Yeah. Whoever the rep was said.

1:09:21Nuh-uh, nuh-uh. Like, hey, don't, don't, don't. Like, are you out of your mind? Like, yeah, not with this client. Please not with this client. And the client, I remember, was sitting there and looking at him like, the client was not disagreeing. The client wasn't going, no, no. You know what he was doing? He was thinking, are you kidding? Taking it all in. Recording it all. All in. Recording it all. Yeah. And sure enough, we waited. No way. While they brought out. A steaming lobster. Oh, my God. For this guy. To take back to the hotel. No. He slayed part of it there. Oh, my God. And then had him wrap it. Oh. Mikey, what did you do? Oh, dude. I was so uncomfortable. What did everyone do? Everyone just, you know, sort of made small talk. You were a different Mikey then. Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't say something. You know, I was. Were you in awe? I think everyone was in awe.

1:10:21There were people I remember at other tables around us that could sort of pick up on it. Wow. And we're like, they're bringing another meal out. Some people just really don't get that common sense thing. They don't get it. It was pretty crazy. I thought you were going to say that everyone ordered it up and at the end of the night they're like, oh no, you must have misunderstood. Separate checks. No, no, no. I'm not that at all. entree came out and jacked the bill up another $60. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was a $60. Dude, he's already had one lobster entree. You need two? Yeah, his entree was $120. Come on, Pete. You know what I mean? What's his name? Gary Woods. Yeah, dude. I'm just kidding. Sorry, Dad. Love you. I'm sorry, Mr. Woods. It's a bit. It's just not good. It's a bit. Oh, you know he's listening. You're dead. I know. He's going to be Facebooking you any second. You are dead. You just went from immediate smile to frown. Oh, you're dead. Chris Rock just went on Good Morning America. And while he was on, he was asked about Tiger Woods. You have this wonderful perspective on life. I heard you talking about giving advice to Tiger Woods that you have gotten advice from older men. Oh, OK. And so what was the advice? Well, you know, you get married and, you know, you know, the older cats will call you up. And this is the advice I've always gotten. It's like, come home.

1:11:47Just come home. As soon as you can come home, come home. And that's what I always do. Right now, I went to do Letterman the other day, and I was home so fast, you would have thought I went to get the paper. So this, yeah, you could avoid a lot of stuff if you just bring your butt home. So true. Not bad advice. Brilliant. Not at all. It's not bad advice. Yeah, even when we went to the meet and greet, we were at Stone, and I love their beer. And I was like, man, I should just stay and just get a little sauce, you know? Really? But I was like, you know what? Probably not a good idea. I'll probably end up making out with an M1, but I just can't. It's just one of those. I can't believe that we even met tonight. I can't even believe it. This is totally so weird. You're literally like my biggest fan. I always thought you had a cute voice before you called in. I'm so glad we're Facebook friends. She's back at the garden. Back in the garden area. I feel so nice.

1:12:58For the big jug of stone IPA. Yeah. Do you guys have straws? This is good. Amazing. How about we do a little Little Wiz pop quiz. Let's do it. It's the greatest song. I know. It's the greatest line. Yeah, I could. It's the greatest line. I'm going to follow and rewrite that. No. No way. No, of course I didn't. You can't rewrite that. No. Doesn't really rhyme that great, does it? It doesn't matter. Really, really. You have such a rhyming bit. You mean how they do in the real song? Yeah, why would I do that? Led Zeppelin didn't rhyme every song. Why? And if I were writing a parody of them not rhyming, I wouldn't rhyme either. Who's this a parody of? It's a parody of Leo Sayre. Leo Sayre, you make me feel like dancing. Oh, no, dude. I listen to real music.

1:14:15Really? You really don't know that song? I didn't work at K-Wave, dude. Even did I. Wow. So this week, this week is Coachella. In fact, Coachella begins today. Yeah, Hillary's going to be broadcasting there at 10 o'clock. And Woods is going to be doing a little broadcasting tomorrow. Yeah. He's so nervous. He's got some interviews, band interviews. Well, so I found out last night, Garrett called me and goes, Hey, Woods. Your program director? Our program director, Garrett, called me and goes, hey, Woods, just so you know, Tommy's not coming. He's not feeling good. So I'm going to be filling in. And if you'd like to sit in with me, you're more than welcome. So when I leave here today, I'm driving to Indio, and I'm going to be on the air with Garrett. Probably, probably say three words all day. No way. Does it make you nervous? Does it make you nervous that not in addition to doing your first big broadcast with bands, you're going to be doing it with our boss? Yes. Do you think you're going to get air checked in between? Hey, Woods, you know, you really can't talk about that. I'm the only one allowed to talk about Detroit. You know damn well that you can't talk about Detroit, Seattle, or Philly. You know what Garrett told me? What? Because I got tickets from Garrett as well to go to the show. But he goes, you know, I got to keep Woods busy because the devil will find work for idle hands to do.

1:15:30He said, hey, Woods, we've got a little downtime. Why don't you go make a grilled cheese for the rest of the band? If you have a little downtime, why don't you go make a grilled cheese sandwich? 100%. I'll be in the kitchen in an apron making grilled cheese for the XX. We're going to need a runner. You guys like grilled cheese? Does anybody want their crust off? He is. I'm like, I'm really excited. I'm really excited. You guys know what a music fan I am. To be able to go to Coachella and to be able to be on air, just be there with him. It's just intimidating. It's going to sound like this. Edward Sharp is going to offer Woodsy a beer and Garrett's going to go, no, actually, he's got to slice some bananas. We're having some oatmeal in the morning. He's making a fruit salad. Making a fruit salad, and so he's going to slice some bananas for us. Now, what skin suit? What time are you going to be on tomorrow so we can all make sure to listen? Well, I'll be on today. No, really? Yeah, I'll be on today. Garrett and I, I think he's working like the three to eight. And it's really cool because Garrett's like, everybody jump in. Hillary, you got something to say, jump in. We're all going to be kind of together hanging out, I think. That's cool. And so it's going to be a collective effort. But I know tomorrow we have an actual shift. And I think it's from one to four. Oh, be listening. Yeah. That's fantastic. It's been, it is fan. You're going to do great. You should have seen me in bed last night laying there going, oh boy.

1:16:50Well, let's take a listen to the Little Wiz pop quiz. Sienna went out and talked to some little kids about Coachella. All right, what's your name? Mickey. How old are you? Six. What's your name? Bruno. Bruno, you seem tough. Are you tough? Yes. Of course he is. His name's Bruno. What do you expect? He'll be hanging out with your kid, Jake, here in a couple years. That's right, buddy. Six. There's something going on this weekend called Coachella. Do you know what that is? I don't know. Food. It sounds like food? Something you'd eat? A special kind. Famous. What would be on the pizza? Tomato. Pesto. Pesto? Or is it plesto? This is like a little foodie, man. This kid knows what's up. He calls it plesto. Plesto. Plesto. Plesto. Okay. Coachella is something where there's lots of bands. It's going on this weekend. There's tons of bands. Have you ever heard of Jay-Z? I don't like him. We got to save that drop forever. We have got to save that particular drop. These guys are gold forever. I like him. Why not? He's a weirdo. Because he's weird. Do you know who them crooked vultures are? A flying bird that eats.

1:18:14Animal. He's right. That is correct. That is correct. Do you think he has a favorite band or a favorite singer? Yes. It's like a very old band. It was a song from when my grandpa was a little kid. Want to sing it for me? Yes. His name was Michael Jackson. I only know the first heart. By Miss American. Yay! How fantastic is that? How fantastic is that? That's his favorite song. Love it. What about Miley Cyrus? You like Miley Cyrus? My friend Mikey loves Miley Cyrus. Mikey, that's for girls. No, no, no. Hopefully you are now shame. Dude, a child just said, Mikey, that's for girls. I hope you're done. Yes. I'm not, but wow, that was embarrassing. Woods, he's talking on the radio on Saturday, and he's really nervous. So if you guys could give him any advice, what would you tell him? He's going to be interviewing. Stay away from the beer. That would be great. Reviewing bands and stuff. Sing Miley Cyrus. Yeah, right. That's a good idea. You should sing Miley Cyrus. Do you have advice for him?

1:19:32Don't be afraid. Just try to do it. Oh, wow. I like that. That's awesome. I'm going to tell you a couple names. You tell me if it's a band or something you would eat, okay? Infected mushroom. Eat. You would eat an infected mushroom? Sing a band. A band. Good one. What about Sloppy Joe? Band. Band? A sandwich. You know. A sandwich. What about whale? That's an animal. Yeah, but it's also a band. What about escargot? Band. Band. It's something you eat. They're snails. Would you ever eat a snail? That's a disgusting. That's a disgusting. All right, good job, guys. I love it. I love it so much. It's fantastic. Do a little Thin Lizzy, dance in the moonlight. Is it Thin Lizzy? Oops, sorry. Is that thin Lizzy? That's what my iTunes says. Yes, it is. Love it. Your mama's so fat, she likes thick Lizzy. Oh, my gosh. And I'm done. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. It's better than I thought.

1:20:55Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. 60 days. A lot can happen in 60 days. You can plant some tomatoes and watch them bloom. Make a new friend. Add that final touch of genius to your screenplay. And now, 60 days is how much time you have to get the Lexus of your dreams. at the 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event. Through June 1st, every Lexus model comes with 1.9% APR financing and attractive lease rates, which means the one you want is the one on sale. Hurry to the Lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event because a lot can happen in 60 days, like someone else getting the Lexus you want first. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or Kearney Mesa, or visit LexusCPO.com. 36 monthly payments of $28.60 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXIS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required if qualified. Offer ends June 1, 2010. Wow, Cesar Gonzalez from Mama Testa Taqueria. Hey, Ryan from the Nervous Records. I wanted to stop in here after hearing Tim Piles talk about Mama Testa. Tell me about your chorizo. Oh, man, let me tell you about my chorizo. We make it fresh every day in the restaurant. We spice it up like only the way Mama knows. We don't use any of that greasy stuff.

1:22:22Yeah, it's not greasy. Not greasy at all. My buddy Mark tried them. What'd you think, Mark? I tried the El Pastor tacos. What's up with the pineapple? Let me tell you about the El Pastor tacos, man. We marinate it for 24 hours and then we grill it with grilled pineapple. Delicious, sweet, sour, spicy, all at the same time. Hey, Brian from the Nervous Records. What are you doing here hanging out with Mark and Caesar? Hey, Tim Piles. We're just eating some food. Really? Are you sure you're not cutting a commercial? No, man. We're just having a conversation. Really? Yeah, are we? You're supposed to be cutting a commercial? I'm a musician. I don't endorse things. Oh, this is awkward. Mama Testa Taqueria, Richmond and University in Hillcrest. Maybe I should write a jingle. Tail of lavas, tail of lavas sway, tail of lavas, tail of lavas sway. Attention to all Americans struggling with medical bills and credit card debt. Due to the economic crisis, a program approved by the United States government now may eliminate 100% of your medical bills and credit card debt entirely. This program is now available to the general public through the Chapter 7 Federal Bankruptcy Act and here to offer Americans a fresh start during these hard economic times. We have one goal in mind with this program, and that is to allow Americans to keep their homes, cars, and personal property while eliminating 100% of your debts for good. For more information and to see if you qualify for this government-approved program, call the American Bankruptcy Hotline today, 800-304-0661. Over 1.5 million Americans are expected to take advantage of this opportunity this year alone.

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1:27:19Brought to you also by RedPlum.com. Are you a deal chaser? Take a fun savings personality test on RedPlum.com. They'll match you to savings, help you get coupons and deals. Visit RedPlum.com slash MySavingStyle. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from... Dragon Eyewear with the FM 94.9 authentic surf report for a Friday morning being brought to you today by Guayaki Yerba Mate. Don't forget, April 18th, Earth Day, celebrated with Guayaki at Balboa Park. Today we're looking at a decrease in swell across the board as that west-northwest dribbles off. It's not the southwest out there still, too, but pretty inconsistent. You're looking at knee-to-waist-highways on the average, but chest-high-plus to shoulder-highways, again, on the infrequent side at those standout stop-facing areas. Clean conditions that are very low tide this morning is causing most areas to be pretty drained out and closed out. So look for some definite improvement slightly as the morning continues and the tide fills back in. Best to seek out those south-facing areas and have some patience. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surpline.com. And for everything you need in order to go surf, check out one of the South Coast Surf Shops, five locations, or go online at southcoast.com. Experience the powerful rainforest energy of organic yerba mate.

1:28:41Try Guayaquil's Lemonulation, Rebelberry, and Enlightenment. Be Guayaquil. And this surf report is brought to you by Guayaquil, and it can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Uh, I can't do anything. I can't do anything handy at all. Woods. I got one word for you, dude. Get Lauren. I will take like a half an hour to get out of bed and be like, no. Deanna. Tagalongs. And Jay. Of course, I have an outrageous story on FM 94.9. REM. Pepper's pick. She's picking the music today. The kid got hosed this week, by the way. Yeah, because we were off yesterday. The kid didn't get to pick. That means I get two days next week. Is that what it means? Yes, we're keeping it fair. Then I get two days. Didn't you pick the music in the beginning? Yeah, because nobody else wanted to.

1:29:45I wanted to. It's called taking the bull by the horns. That's how I handle my business. I wanted to. You were like, let the kid take care of it. Did I? Yes. You guys hear about John Goodman? No. Is he okay? He's fine. He's fine, but he had a moment that we've all kind of experienced in our lives where you tell a joke, and nobody really gets that it was a joke. He's in a new movie, and the movie is about Jack Kevorkian. Now, if you don't know Jack Kevorkian, was the doctor from Michigan that aided people that were dying. Euthanasia. To die. They wanted to die. They wanted to die. They called him Dr. Death. Dr. Death. Oh, isn't Al Pacino playing him in the new movie? Yes, he is. He is. He's playing him. I don't know the name of the movie. Do you know the name of the movie? Dr. Death. Is it? I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, John Goodman was on The View.

1:30:43I'm sorry, John. And Barbara Walters was interviewing him. It was an intimate relationship with Kevorkian, apparently. With a lot of people, I guess. Yeah, not with you, darling. I know, darling. I even went to New Orleans. Remember, we watched in the parade. Barbara fell for the oldest trick in the book. There are cats down there in the corridor who will ask you or say, I bet you I know where you got them shoes. How could they know that? So you give them. You bet them 20 bucks and they say, you got them shoes on Bourbon Street. What? They're right on Bourbon Street. I don't get it. I'm going to play it again. Yeah, please. I'm going to play it again. I don't get it either, but I'm going to play it again. I want you to listen to that silence that you can drive a truck through of no one getting it. And I mean, there wasn't that one person in the audience that went, no one. 20 bucks and then they say, you got them shoes on Bourbon Street. They're right on Bourbon Street. And then they pretend like they get it. Then they pretend they get it. Do it again. Listen to the pretending. Guarantee it. You got them shoes. How could they know that? So you bet them 20 bucks and then they say, you got them shoes on Bourbon Street. They're right on Bourbon Street.

1:32:07Did we need to hear, like, the beginning of it? I don't... I'll play in a hole. I don't understand. Barbara has an intimate relationship with Kevorkian, apparently. With a lot of people, I guess. Yeah. Not with you, darling. I know, darling. I even went to New Orleans. Remember? We watched in the parade. Miss Barbara fell for the oldest trick in the book. There are cats down there in the corridor who will ask you, or say, I bet you I know where you got them shoes. How could they know that? So you give them... I got it. You bet them 20 bucks, and then they say, you got those shoes on Bourbon Street. They're right on Bourbon Street. I get it. I get it. You guys get it? I get it, I think. What happened is she and John Goodman were in New Orleans, and they were walking in the French Quarter, because he says the quarter, and those cats on Bourbon Street are those dudes that are probably playing three-card Monty and stuff like that, because I know I got hosed on Bourbon Street. And they look at Barbara, and they say, I bet you I can tell you where you got your shoes. She goes, no, I'll bet you 20 bucks. No, you don't know. Yeah, you got them on Bourbon Street because that's where they are. That's where they are right now. Her shoes are on Bourbon Street. They're on Bourbon Street. That's the joke. Right now. But it took us seven times to get it. Yeah. Well, guess what? They could have said it eight more times on The View. They weren't getting it. They weren't going to get it. You got them shoes. How could they know that? So you give them, you bet them 20 bucks and they say, you got them shoes on Bourbon Street. Yeah. They're right on Bourbon Street. I think she doesn't.

1:33:32He doesn't have the proper accent or something to pull it off. That could be. I did, but you and I are not connecting today. Awkward. You and I are not connecting today. Oh, my goodness. The whole thing is so awkward. Awkward. That's very awkward. Let's see. 570-1949 is our number. 949mikey at gmail.com. If you would like to get a hold of us. I smell food. We got food coming in here. Croutons brought some food today for our guests that are in studio. By the way, if you'd like to be an in-studio guest on Friday, you can do so by going to MikeyShow.com and filling out a little deal there. And we will try to get you into the studio. Very interesting story coming up in just a second about a very odd device. that was found in someone's head. Very odd. We'll tell you about it in just a bit. 570-1949-949-mikey at gmail.com. M1 Paul. Good morning. What's going on? Not too much. Just something kind of ticking me off right now.

1:34:56Is it me or is it Woodsy? I'm scared. No, actually, I kind of need some help, some backing on this, actually. It's my girlfriend, and it's really got me kind of fired up, to be honest. What is it? So, it's my birthday this weekend, and that's not why I'm calling. Happy birthday! Oh, thanks, thanks. But more importantly, my girlfriend's going out of town this weekend. And it's, like I said, my birthday weekend. You know, my birthday's tomorrow, and it was like... She's going out of town. Where's she going? And she's going out with a bunch of friends. Now, I don't exactly know the destination because it's changed four times. Stupid trip. You know, typical girls. But, I mean, it's just my, you know, it's my birthday. And, you know, she works all the time. But still. How old are you? I'm 25. How old is she? She's 24. How long have you been together? Four years now. Oh, and she's leaving on your birthday? Right. I mean, come on. I kind of get that. You know, I will give her this. She works so freaking hard every day, you know, and she works seven days a week. So when she gets a weekend off, it's like, I need to get away. And I totally understand that, you know. Tomorrow is your actual birthday. Yeah. Okay. You've been together four years. You know that's the birthday. Yeah.

1:36:23Now, but I also say, well, first of all, if it were me, that would hurt my feelings. Of course. Hang on. Woodsy is so against this already. If it were me, it would hurt my feelings. I'll tell you why. The reason is because I consider my wife my best friend. And so I want to hang with my best friend on my birthday. Well, here's what I don't want to do. I don't want to sit home. by myself, pouting. Right. Don't you, though? Yes, I do. But, I mean, she's like, go out with the guys. Have your night. We're going to have our weekend. We're going to go get out. You know, I don't know where they're going to go. But, you know, she was like, go out with the guys, you know, maybe go to Vegas. I'm like, listen, we're not going to go to Vegas, you know. Paul, question. Are you a go out with the guys type of guy? I'd much rather spend the weekend with her because it's my birthday and I told her that like three weeks ago. See, that's me. I'm not a go out with the guys type of guy. Woodsy is. Woodsy loves to go hang with the boys. I'm not a go hang with the boys type of guy. I'm a nerdy stay at home. I'm about to shoot through the roof. Jay's kind of like a combination of both though. Jay's both. Yeah, so we'll get his thoughts on this. I'm about to shoot.

1:37:46Through the roof. Can I just ask a question before you shoot through the roof? Absolutely. Okay. Did she at least acknowledge that she was like, listen, I know this is your birthday weekend, but it's the only one that can work out? Or was she like, got a trip booked? I mean, yeah, but honestly, it was like she, it was like an afterthought that, oh, yeah, I know it's your birthday. You know, it was like, hey, you know, the girls, we have this great trip planned. And then. I know it's your birthday, but we'll do something later. And it was like an afterthought. Woodsy, what? Dude, both of you guys changed your man ponds. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? Take your man pond and go get you a fresh one. Come on. I wouldn't have any other problem with it except for the fact it's this weekend. Who cares? What are you, 14? Okay, but she can change around the girls weekend. No, she can't. That is planning like a big, like when Jamie takes a trip with her black sheep, her friends, they call themselves the black sheep. Right. Big shout out. It's like calculated planning and they have kids and they can only get away this time.

1:38:57Dude, when Jamie's like, hey, I've got a girls weekend. We're going to Austin. I'm like, have a great time. I know. Even if it was my birthday. If anyone's going to understand, though, it's a girl. Because a girl's not going to want their man to go away on their birthday. And if her boyfriend is upset, they'll be like, okay, we'll then stay. We'll do it another time. Dude, you're a guy. You have a piece. You shouldn't even care about your birthday. I wouldn't say anything, but I would be her. You'd pout. I'd pout. Jamie could. go to on a european vacation for my birthday and you know what he said he goes but it's my birthday weekend what is this sweet 16 on mtv come on you would be the same lauren get my wife on the phone i'd be like have a ball because you know what i do Cool. That's two nights where I can go out with my buddies. I can sit home nude on my laptop, maybe. And I can watch baseball and I can dip snuff and blast cigs. What about, okay, here in San Diego, like you haven't set up your little social circle yet. So what if it was like, oh, I'm going somewhere. What if you were like, okay, just twiddling my thumbs. Lord, I've been twiddling my thumbs for 90 days. So that's what I'm saying, though. For your birthday, wouldn't you want? Care less. Yeah. Birthdays are not a big deal. In context, though.

1:40:11That's not the spirit of the question. Okay. Spirit of the question is, what would you do when times are normal? Care less. Because, you know, you heard her say, hey, listen, I think she said, didn't she? We'll have our weekend, but this is my girls. Like, Jamie and I have celebrated her birthday the week after the week before. We've done mine the week after the week before. Yeah. Hey, let's have a party because you know why? Your mom squeezed you out. Let's definitely have a party for that. Oh, my gosh. You are the most crude. Is that crude? Wow. Of course it's true. Hey, let's have a party for you, Mikey, because you were born. Woods. Wow. I'm being made to feel guilty because it's my special little day. There's only one guy that we should celebrate his birthday. His name's JC. Oh, you killed me. And you know that. That's it. Stop it. Now I'm done. Now I have no argument. Now he's killed me. You can't drop the atom bomb. We're shooting with swing shots. You want to get a little jumpy house in your front yard and have all your friends over and have some cupcakes, maybe? That's not what he's asking for. Mikey, you want to get a little jumpy house? No. You want a little jumpy house? Don't listen to him. I just powered down. Don't listen to him. Do you want a little jumpy house? Maybe his girlfriend always does something really special on his birthday. Maybe she doesn't. And it's something he looks forward to at the end of the night, every birthday. You can slay your girlfriend when she gets back. Sorry, I like hanging out with my wife.

1:41:31Dude, I love hanging out with my wife. That's so much, you can't wait for her to get out of town. I never said that. She deserves a girl's weekend, pal. He's not being selfish. Yeah, I'm not being selfish. It's my birthday! Time out. Selfish would be to say, you better not leave. That's selfish. I would just brood. Pouting and brooding is selfish. I would pout. Selfish. Nobody knows I'm doing it until they're gone. She'll know. Rebecca would know. Yes. She would know. She would know. She would know. Absolutely. I have this to say about birthdays because I have some people in my life that are like, it's my birthday week. It's my birthday month. And it's like everything, you know, like the whole. kitten caboodle and i'm kind of like weird like when people wish me a happy birthday i'm like thanks like i get uncomfortable with the attention but i will say now that i'm past any like cool age like once i hit my 21st birthday and there's nothing else to like you got a big one coming up kid yeah exactly every year that comes by i kind of do that like reflection of like oh my gosh like i look at my life and if i my significant other

1:42:37went out of town while I was going through that reflection period, I'd be bummed. Really? They're your support? And here's the thing. To some people, like you said, birthday week. From my old show, Sky on my old show used to do the whole birthday week thing. Hey, listen, if that's your thing, okay. And as your buddy, I'll even kind of play along. I'm not going that far as to say that it's that big a thing, but for some people it is. And if it is, that's okay. Hey, Pete. Hey, Pete. Really? Can I ask you something? Yes. So let me, I know your name is Paul, but I'm calling Mikey Peter Pan. Yeah. Because, okay, let me ask you this. Why not just say, hey, you know what, honey? You're right. You work seven days a week. And Rebecca, she works. eight days a week with all the kids and everything hey you want to go have a girls weekend go ahead honey we'll have we'll celebrate my birthday nice steak dinner when you get back we'll go out you know make love whatever you want to do it's my birthday we can do it the next week babe and i'll be fine okay because i'm a grown man okay let me try this one i literally am fine with that but the thing is is that you know we had this

1:43:43weekend planned and then all of a sudden things turn around when she's going out with the girls now and it's that's what I'm kind of upset about is that we talked about a whole weekend where she was going to take off for this weekend and instead of spending it with me like on my birthday like she was supposed to Two weeks come into it, and it's like I'm going out with a girl. Now I'm 100% in his camp. Dude, if they had plans and she broke them, that's pretty weak. Yeah. That's pretty weak. That's a whole different ball of wax. By the way, Woodsy. She pays off every year for my birthday. By the way, Woodsy, people are. Very in agreement with you. Of course, dude, because we're grown-ups. M1, Chris, are you there? Yeah, hey, what's up, guys? You're in Camp Woods. You know, I was in Camp Woods up until just that last split second when he said two weeks ago. I changed, too, dude. Yeah, I changed, too. That's a whole different ball of wax. If you got plans, you got plans. You don't bust your plans on me to go out with your girls. We have stuff planned. Hey, Woodsy, by the way, change your man pond, dude.

1:44:42It's gold, isn't it? Disgusting. Not gold. I feel like I got such a bromance on you, dude. And I you. Okay, that got really strange right there two seconds ago when you said that. M1 Kyle? You know, I am with the other guy. I was in Camp Woods, and now I am, you know, kind of upset that she did. Well, hey, Camp Woods is now with the dude, because if there were plans, I mean, dude, that's... There's a no-brainer. Thank you. There's a no-brainer. If you had a weekend plan with her and she bailed, that's weak of her. Are there any girls on the line? That's lame. That's lame. We got no girls calling in, but our phone lines are open, 570-1949. I'll say this, Paul. Yeah. Even, you know, if it's me and we don't have any plans, I know, I'll buy a box of man puns today. Oh, my God. Oh, stop saying that. I'll tell you right now. If it's my birthday and my wife says, I'm going out with the girls. First of all, I think to myself, did she forget? I would think that. Yeah. Did she forget? It's my birthday. Okay. And then, and I don't think I would tell her that it's my birthday. I would want to like lead her into the trap of forgetting so that I could really sulk. Mikey. So I wouldn't say it's my birthday. I wouldn't do it.

1:46:13What are you, Molly Ringwald? Yeah. Dude and 16 Candles? Tell somebody. You want to have the person you love with you. Get over it. That's correct. Molly Ringwald. You're with them all the time. No, you're not. He says she works all the time. I want to feel, I want to feel. You're a birthday week girl. I'm not a birthday week girl. I'm a birthday day girl, but I talk about it and I make sure you all know it's coming up. And I want to feel. like I mean something. You do, dude. Just because you were born. You'll get your jumpy house and your cake next weekend. My birthday, I want her to remember it on the day of my birthday and I want her to spend that day with me. Oh, Michael. Call me, you know, whatever. It was just my birthday. I turned 25 a couple weeks ago and I told you guys, I feel like maybe it's a sign of getting older or something. I love my friends. I love hanging out with my friends, but all I wanted to do on my birthday was just hang out with my family. My stepdaughter, my husband, go to dinner with my parents, my sister. Like, I just, you want to be with the people. What if Todd had a trip? Would it have been bad? He knows better than that. There you go. I mean, you guys, that's really. But he would be bummed if I left, I think, too. Let's take their plans out of the mix, right? Let's take their plans out of the mix. They don't have plans. She just said, hon, this is the only weekend that could work. Rebecca comes to you and she goes, I'm going to go with Kimber and all my friends and we're going to go here. And Mikey, the only weekend we can get this house in Tahoe.

1:47:36It's your birthday weekend, babe. It doesn't sound like that's what she did. Are you going to be bummed? You're going to be bummed even if she preemptively says, Mike, it's the only time. She didn't do that, though. I'm saying take their plans out of the equation. Yeah, yeah. I would if, yes, I would. And the reason I'd be okay with it is because she's, I'm, my day is important enough that she's even acknowledging it. Of course. Yeah, she's acknowledging it. That's all I want. I just want acknowledgement. I have a golf tournament that it's. every year during Jamie's birthday but it's a very important golf tournament to me and it's for a friend you know the whole bit I don't want to bring the room down but it's something that I am very committed to playing in every year and it's always the day after her birthday Or no, it's the day of her birthday. That's a very special circumstance. It is. And I tell her, I'm like, babe, I'm sorry. We'll do something next weekend. And she, for the first couple of years, was a little bummed. But now she's like, big deal. There's no way, though, if it's on the weekend, there's no way that her birthday falls on a weekend every year. Well, it's close. It's the birthday week bit. Paul, when you're on hold, I got to ask you this because I want to take this call. But I can't take it with you hearing it.

1:48:46And so I'm going to place you on hold for a minute and we're going to talk and I'm going to see if you can hear us on hold because if you can, I can't take this next call. But hang on a minute. Test one, two, three. Test one, two, three. He's on hold. Got to see. Okay. Were you able to hear me right now, Paul? Yes, sir. Okay. Then I can't. How about Jay gets his number? We call him back. I don't know. He gets to listen though, I guess. Yeah. I don't know how we can make it so that he can. I won't listen. Won't you? Really? Really? Won't you? Sure you won't. Sure. I would not listen. Put him on hold and Jay can talk to him on the phone. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jay's talking to him. Jay, can you do that? Yeah, pick up. Just get a nice little conversation going, Jay. I'm going to put you on hold, okay? Paul, hang on a minute. Hang on. Jay, will you pick that up? He's on it. All right, Jay's talking to him. M1 Crank, tell everybody what you think might be going on. How much of a douche is this guy going to feel like when he finds out that there's a surprise party planned for him? Wow. Wow. What if that's the deal? Could be. What if that is the deal? Wow. I don't think it is. You don't? If it was me, I would do the same thing to my wife. If it is. I would put her in a position where she hates my guts and then surprise. Yeah. But you almost have to do that with a surprise. You have to make him as either confused or as mad as possible. I mean, because...

1:50:11Thank you, Crank. I'm thinking, like, she doesn't need to say she's going out of town, but then I guess... That would be a pretty good... I guess, yeah. That would be a ruse. Why else would you be gone that day? Pretty gnarly. All right. You can put it back on, Jay. You can put him back. I thought... I didn't know who was... I didn't either. I was a little... Well, it's just the thing. Paul, are you there? Yes, sir. Okay, cool. You didn't hear any of that, right? No. Okay, cool. He's like, I learned about Jay's entire family, though. Yeah. So Finnegan is 18. That's right. Painting my... All right. And if any of Paul's friends are listening right now, yeah, just don't. Take your boy and set him straight. That's right. That's right. Hey, thanks for the call, Paul. I appreciate it. Good luck. Happy birthday. Happy sweet 16, Paul. Oh, really? Oh, really? Stop. Nice one. Pepper's picking the music today. Allentown. Billy Joel, great tune, man. Love that song. Tracy Morgan explained how he knows.

1:51:26that he's A-list. I got that for you. I got an email for you that I think a lot of people will be able to relate to. It has to do with parents freaking out a little bit at their kids' Little League games. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. You know they do. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about it next. This is the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar. Okay, so this coming Monday night, Sia is going to play at House of Blues. Also the same night, Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters will play at the Casbah with his other band, the Coattail Riders. You can see Rogue Wave at the Belly Up Tuesday, April 27th. Transfer will play there April 29th. And the Ava Brothers at House of Blues Thursday, April 29th. And just announced, the Wigs are going to play the Belly Up.

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1:54:48Call 1-800-PEP-BOYS or visit pepboys.com. Brides and Grooms, San Diego's biggest and best bridal show is coming to the Del Mar Fairgrounds Sunday, April 25th. It's the Bridal Bazaar. I love it. There's so many choices and I love to have lots of choices. I mean, I kind of have an idea of what I want, but there's so many choices here. It's really awesome. I like what I'm seeing here. There's a lot of variety and kind of where I'm getting a lot of ideas. It's so much easier to have everything in one spot and to be able to see what you actually like. At the Bridal Bazaar, you'll find everything you need to plan the wedding of your dreams. All in one place, all on one day. There's just so many vendors to choose from, from everything from flowers to invitations. Cakes, definitely. I'm full from all the tastings. The dresses were gorgeous. Chocolate fountains and everything that you could possibly imagine. It's kind of a collaboration of ideas that's coming together. It's got to be a perfect day. Plus, you can register to win a pair of diamond earrings from John Franklin Jewelers. The Bridal Bazaar, Sunday, April 25th at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. Tickets and discount coupons at bridalbazaar.com. Definitely go to the Bridal Bazaar because it's all you need.

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1:59:46Today, I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial Media Station. The new home of the Mikey Show. This is FM 94.9. It's actually John Mayer, but I have the speed really high on it. And so I'm running this record real fast. Love this song. Dolly Parton. Oh, I remember that when I was a kid. I love it. Really good. Hey, Mike. Yeah? Can I say something special real quick? Yes, you can, Woodsy. Today is my sister-in-law Tessa's birthday, and I just want to wish her happy birthday and tell her that I love her, and I'm so glad that she is in our family. That's really cool. I love you, T. Yay! Happy birthday. Happy birthday, T-Bone. That's really nice.

2:00:51That's my little, my brother's little angel. It's his little dime. I got a dime and he's got a dime. They're both tens. They're both tens. Dimes. You got a quarter. Hey, listen. This place, Croutons, they know how to do it and do it right. It's so good. It's so good. They make, well, to me, the best thing in the world is when you make a hot sandwich with melted cheese in it. Oh, yeah. That's good. And so that's what they do. And that's what we're having right now. Is this distracting? Yeah, don't do that. Bro. Thank you, Croutons. There are three local guys that got together. They're born and raised here in San Diego. They opened up Croutons, and it's really good. They've got four locations in San Diego. They're located in Carlsbad. I used to hit that up all the time when I worked in Carlsbad. Sweet. So good. You used to get their sandwiches. Yes. And salads. and salads. UCSD campus, Sorrento Valley, La Jolla Village Square. Four locations. Check them out. Croutons, really delicious stuff. And they want to thank the Mikey Show and 94.9 for keeping it local, supporting the hometown kids. Thank you to you guys. Really good stuff. Thank you. It tastes so good and you don't feel bad about it because it's not bad for you. Fresh ingredients. Pita bread, chicken salad sandwich deal. It's amazing. Yeah, they use fresh artisan bread.

2:02:11That's right. It's delicious. Don't you get a little nervous when we're going to have healthy food? Typically, yes. And I got to say, though, this is delightful. And I wish that we had a break so that I could slay it. You know what I like about it is know that it was healthy. It tastes good. Yeah. So I could have given you a million guesses. Probably would have been very hard for any pick that it would be. But this there's a lot of data. on jack you know a lot of a lot of information a lot of material so i spent time just absorbing him how did you do that al pacino some people who don't understand how to be in the in the in the public eye you know how to deal with media and cameras and and and don't have enough time but with a guy like jack once you know him longer you get to get a sense of who he is in the short sound bites You get a different impression of him. Now, that's the movie that John Goodman's also in. Don't know when it's coming out. But it's about Jack Kevorkian. I'm surprised that John Goodman's playing a serious character. I know it. He has before. Has he? Sea of Love. Never saw it. Al Pacino. They're all buddies. It's a good flick. Maybe that's it. He does a good job? He did a great job. Nice. You don't worry about John Goodman.

2:03:40I love him. I just remember him from Roseanne mostly. Hey, Dr. Kevorkian, how do you feel about Al playing you in this movie? It's unbelievable. I was shocked. His actions in court were just like mine. That dude went to jail for what he used to. He sure did. For the euthanasia stuff. Was he still in jail? I guess not. It sounded like he was on the red carpet. Yeah. And, you know, people have real strong feelings as to whether or not you should aid. somebody in their death i know man if they want to die i feel really strongly that you shouldn't i don't think i'm i used to feel that way dude i've seen some family members suffer so much and it's just like dude i i think i i think i'm i'm okay with it if that's what they want but who knows dude yeah you never know till it happens to you i would totally if you if i was in that kind of shape just take me out yeah put me in a boat with a slow leak yeah I can see how, you know, it's a very emotional topic. Absolutely. Tell me about the military doctors that did this strange thing. They're doing an operation on this guy, right? Yeah, this is really, really crazy. A guy in Afghanistan was taken to the air base there where they realized he had a live round of ammunition that could detonate at any time in his skull. Whoa! In his skull. How?

2:05:01Because I guess an IED had flung shards of metal into his head and they thought it was just metal. There was some shrapnel in his head. Oh, my gosh. And then they realized it was ammunition that could go off at any time. Oh, my gosh. Is he okay? Well, this is pretty crazy. I saw an episode of Grey's Anatomy and it was like the same type of deal. There was live ammunition in this woman's stomach and they had to deal with it. So the IED flung shards of metal into his head and they had to operate so carefully because who's the guy that's going to sign up to do that? Oh, yeah. If it goes off, you're all done for. Imagine those steady hands, dude. Oh, my gosh. I know. They looked at the x-rays. They saw, you know, yes, it's definitely in there. So they got a doctor. He'd been, you know, the highest trained doctor that was there. Right. And he was even thinking before he started, he was like, should I tell people to, like, you know, give the message to my wife and kids that I love them and stuff? Oh, my gosh. And then he said, no, I'm not going to tell them that, you know, everyone's really superstitious and, you know, I don't want to have any bad karma going over anyone's head. So they had to. Everyone, first of all, had to evacuate the area immediately. Of course. Everyone, other than the doctors. They had to turn off all, disconnect all of the machinery. Wow. There couldn't be any electronic stuff. They had to, everyone had to wear the flak jackets, you know. Oh, God. They had to manually administer anesthesia, turn off all of the anesthetics because it could increase the magnitude of an explosion. Man. Because they're, you know, they're vaporous and stuff. I mean, he ended up being fine.

2:06:29The guy ended up being okay. He was able. So awesome. I mean, it's amazing. Usually the surgeon would use a scalpel or something like that to pull the device out after he cut open his head. But he used his bare hand because he was so freaked out. And that metal on metal, like you just don't know. My goodness. I know. That is one of the craziest stories ever. I know. Except the one on Grey's Anatomy where the person was a tree. That was a pretty crazy one, too. That's a true story as well. I know. People really... Yeah, someone from Indonesia or something like that. People can. I mean, I've seen it on the National Geographic channel. Doctor. Doctor? Yeah. I was wondering if I could have a word. Anything. My son is turning into a brick wall. He's growing bricks. I know that. I diagnosed him. He has Brickasia. What in the hell can I do? Well, first of all, Brickasia, as you know, is very rare. No, I don't know, Mike. Dr. Mike. You can call me Mike. Thanks, Mike. You can call me Mike. Nobody in the world has ever turned into a brick wall. That's actually not true. There were two people that this happened to in Indonesia that had Brickanesia.

2:07:55Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. Brick-a-sia. I'm sorry that I don't know the name of your son's ailment. So am I. Question. Yes. How do we get rid of it? Do we stick him outside and let the weather kind of beat it away? There's a medication that we're going to prescribe called Humpty Dumpty Asia. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Sounds like it'll work. I hope it does. I hope like hell it does. I do too. But I have to tell you that this particular medication, Humpty Dumpty Asia, has rarely been used. Because Humpty Dumpty, what did he do? He sat on the brick wall. And he fell off. And he had a great fall. And all of his horses. And all of his men. Couldn't put him back together again. Better make sure that medication works then. Camera pans out. It's my...

2:08:55It's my boy. I know that, but you got to get a hold of yourself because that little brick wall needs you right now. He wants me on that wall. He wants you on that wall. He needs me on that wall. He needs you on that wall. That wall. That was one of the most, that was one of the saddest episodes of Mikey's Anatomy. Oh, you've never seen the tree thing? She's showing Woodsy right now. She's showing Woodsy the tree thing. Oh my God. You didn't know it, Woodsy? Oh, you got to watch National 2 Graphic Channel, bro. It really is like a tree. It really is. Be nice. If that was me, I'd be placing a call to Jack Gabor Kim. No. 100%. You have things you can do to help. Like what? Trim? He has a family. No, because if you trim, it grows back. Oh, perfect. It grows back thicker and fuller, right? That's the old myth. There's an update, though. He's had some success. As what? A plant? No, getting that stuff removed. That is...

2:09:58Besides cat person is the freakiest thing I've ever seen. I think it's like one of the only reported cases. I don't know. How do you get it? Did you like slay a tree or something? No, it's not actual. It's actually like it's warts. Is that right? It's not actual wood. It's like warts that grow into tree like. How do you know it's not in your family? Your name's Woods. Ridiculous. How dare you? It's in the name. Thanks for ruining. My weekend. I watched that thing on National Geographic. If that was the channel it was on, I had to turn it off. It was like, how do you? John, I need to talk to you. What's up? Your wife is turning into a trumpet. Really? Well, you have a couple of options. Yeah, what are my options? One of your options is that you can join a band.

2:10:57Yeah, I could do that. A marching band. I could do that. What else? I'm sorry. That's your only option. That's my only option. Sorry about that. I just thought about it. It's your only option. I do like trumpets. Yeah. John, get in here and rub my feet. I love Miles Davis. I love Louis Armstrong. Then you're good to go. I should be fine. That's right. I'm cool. Thanks, man. I love Louis Armstrong. You're a good player any time you want. That's right. Fair enough. Probably get more action now. Let's see. Ready for this email? I don't know. I don't know. Let me tell you. This ain't me. Let me tell you. I am not this guy. I am. But you'll know this guy. Can you? I beg you to stop eating. I can't help it either. Please. Go. Mikey, I am seeking some advice. He's like an uncontrollable beast. I mean, he really is. That's what Jamie says, too. Having Woods on the show is great for a couple of reasons. One, it's like. Is it?

2:12:08He's a bison. Like, he's literally like a bison stampeding through the studio. Because I'm fat, right? Bull in a china shop. No. He's a bull in a china shop. Every day. He's awesome to watch because he's a bull in a china shop. Yes, he is. He's a bull in a diamond field. Don't want any bulls near the diamond field. Mikey, I'm looking for some advice from you and your show regarding my husband. We have a little boy 10 years old who's now playing Little League. Nice. My husband gets, all caps, so into the games. Weird. And he screams at the other coaches and umpires. He almost got into a fist fight with one of the other dads. Whoa. What do I do? I know it embarrasses my boy to death. Please help. M1 embarrassed. He's not alone. That happens almost every game, I would say. I've seen that so many times. Everyone has, yeah. I've seen it with the coach. The coaches will just be like, man. Slip a little Xanax in his drink. Listen, dads.

2:13:07Mellow out, dude. They can't help it. You're setting an example for your kid. You know what you're showing your kid? You're showing your kid that you're, you know, you know what you should be? A dum-dum. Imagine Woods having a little boy, 10 years old, playing ball. He's got to pull it together. He slides into second. Looks safe. Yeah, man. You got to teach your kid. I know, dude. It's going to be, I'm just telling you, it's going to be difficult. I still flip out at games, but. It's really difficult. Now, if somebody, like, hurt my kid out there, yeah, then I'd flip out. Like, if he slid in a second with his spikes up, then I'd flip out. But, like, it's going to be all I can do. What does that mean, slid in a second? He's got his cleats on, and my boy's about to tag him out, and he slides in and cleats him. But what are you going to do? Are you going to beat up a 10-year-old? No, but I'm going to go talk to his dad and be like, you need to teach, or the coach, but you need to teach your kid how to slide. He's going to hurt somebody out here. There's a lot of kids that have no business being out there, truly. But to the issue at hand. Can you imagine Woods as a Little League coach? Hey, clowns. I coached Little League for a full year. You did? And I was phenomenal. Woods, in defense to us, we're all wearing little flower lapels that squirt water out of them. I'm wearing a wig with red curly hair. I have two different colored shoes on. Yeah, I coached. I called the city of Colleyville, which is in Texas, and I said, hey, I really want to coach. I love kids. I love baseball. Let's get it done. So we did. Were you arrested? No, I wasn't arrested.

2:14:31But you were put on probation? I was not put on probation. Did you have to clean up garbage on the side of the road for your time? No, this was voluntary. This is voluntary. This is the kid giving back to the community is what it was. 100%. And so I called. They put me on a team. And the coolest part was the parents go, listen, you don't have any kids on this team. So we know you're not going to be playing daddy ball. Right. And if you want to get in my kid's face, then you have every. Right, to get in his face. And you tell him if he's slacking. So I did. I mean, I was the hammer. I dropped the hammer on him. Oh, my gosh. I'm just trying to imagine. Woodsy doing that. Jay, what? What's going on? What? On the phone lines, it looks like. Oh, I think his mic's off. Their mic's off. Oh, sorry. Their mic's off. Go ahead, Jay. It's not working. That's funny. It's on. It's not working. Volume down? There you go. I know. Yeah, Woods, I can imagine you going up to the other coach. Like, the coach doesn't know the kid should slide with his toes down. You know, you're telling me you'd go up to the other coach or the other dad. What's wrong with your kid? No, I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't be confrontational, but I would say, hey, dude, you need to make sure that those kids are sliding the right way. He's going to take somebody out. Well, of course the coaches know that, though. You don't need to go. Yeah, they do. I've been that coach where the dad comes up and tries to tell you, hey, look, you know, and their son has the same attitude. You're like, look.

2:15:47I got this. If you want to coach so bad, why don't you get down there on the field and coach? Seriously. I mean, there's coaches that don't belong out there too. I mean, truly. There are guys out there that don't know the game. They're going to get somebody hurt. I think if you do it, though, you got to do it in a way where you go up to them and you say, hey, man. That's the way. Instead of like screaming. Exactly. And I'm not going to. I don't want to be. There was a coach in my brother's little league that got in my dad's face and they got into what I guess could be technically called a fist fight. A scuffle. About. I think my brother was 12. M1 Hawk, if you're listening, call in. But this guy got in his face and, like, pushed him. I think my dad called off and cocked him one. Really? Yeah. Man, at a soccer game. At a Little League game. I saw a soccer game where the whole stands came out, and a dad went and hit one of the boy players. The kid was probably, like, 16. What? And he full-on hit him for slide tackling his son. Oh, yeah. If that happens, let me, I will say this. If that happens, it's go time. What do you mean? For me. Imagine if it was a 16-year-old. Stop down. Yeah. What? Somebody touches my kid.

2:16:50An adult? Oh, adult. Yeah. No, that's not what Jay's saying. Yeah, an adult. An adult in the stands ran out on the field in the soccer field and punched the kid in the face. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If someone did that to my kid. Jake's 16. He's playing soccer. Yeah. He is going for the ball and tackles and some kid gets hurt. Definitely spending the night in jail, maybe doing some prison time. Right, right. 100%. Oh, yeah. If somebody touches Jake. But see, here's the problem with that. And listen, and I will tell Jake. If somebody lays a hand on your brother, I want you to punch right here. I'm going to show them how to make a fist. Good for you, Mikey. Listen, that, listen. Good for you. That is, you protect your brothers. And it's an honor. You're your brother's keeper. It is an honor to protect your brothers. Yep, it is. Here was the problem, though. The entire stand's cleared, and it was a full-on riot. Melee. Oh, for sure. What did you do? It wasn't my son's game. Like, we just played our game on the backfield, and we were walking through and out. And all of a sudden, this just ensued around the field. I was dumbfounded. I kind of stood there, and I was like, I was outraged, first of all. Because I feel the same way. You go in there, and you take care of business. But at the same time, then everybody's coming in. And it's like, then it's just a full-on, you don't know who you're fighting anymore. You're just fighting everybody. Crazy. Crazy. That's how those fights will start. Like, you'll just be like.

2:18:10Well, not that I know, but people will just be, like, punching someone in the head. Like, what are we fighting about? Yeah, it's, you know, hey, I'm all for being competitive and stuff and for the kids being competitive and classy and competitive. I know, Jay, but it's also, do you want your kid to be out there in right field going... I don't have a choice. Be in the game. When I used to do ballet, you know, this wasn't necessarily something like that. Competitive ballet? Yeah, when I did competitive... Pie eating? Yes, competitive burrito. Hey, dude, I'm right there with you. Burrito. Competitive burrito eating. 570-1949-949-mikey at gmail.com. Yeah, crazy people, crazy dads. There's a deleted scene in old school where Vince Vaughn, he's got a kid and his kid's like three. His kid's like three years old. They're out there playing soccer. And he goes, hey, hey, ref, that kid's been throwing elbows all day. And then he looks, he goes, really? Fine, let's just make it official. And he picks up a lawn chair, throws it on the field, and he goes to his wife. He goes, I'll be in the van. Hold the clipboard. He gives her the clipboard. Dude. Genius. He goes, that's you. That stuff makes me nervous. And there are all those dads. That is you. That is me. Freak out dads. Oh, yeah, Pepper. I'll be a reactionary freak out dad. I'll be freaking out at a dad that freaks out at another kid. Like, that will be me. Like, hey, dude, sit down and shut your mouth. Todd wants to coach so bad.

2:19:33And I'm so afraid. Really? I mean, now we're having a girl, so maybe a little bit more mellow. Would he freak out? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mike, I have a question for you. Yeah. When you were Michael Shannon and you wore suspenders, did you wear a raspberry beret? Really? Is that why you played this? Really? Little Angel. Little angel. How dare you? This one goes at 98.7 K-Way. This one goes out to Mike Esparza, formerly known as Michael Shannon. Let me tell you, that pepper is something else. She worked this into the lineup so that she could make a Michael... Now she's dancing her way out of trouble. She's doing the dance. Yeah, she's dancing her way out of trouble. And it worked. Wait till I tell you why this dude in Texas just got sentenced to 15 days in jail. It's something else. We're going to play a new game, too. What do we have as a prize, Jay? I'm guessing we probably have a CD six-pack today as a prize. And we will have that for you coming up here in just a second. Call us at 570-1949. The game is What's Susanna Saying? Oh, yeah. That's all you got to tell us is What's Susanna Saying?

2:20:39Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9. Going once. Going twice. Sold! Every event must come to an end. And the Lexus 60-0 certified pre-owned sales event is no exception. Right now, we have a large selection of meticulously inspected vehicles available. And every single one of them is on sale. We even have a line of groundbreaking hybrids. You'll find 1.9% APR financing at irresistible lease rates on the Lexus of your choice, but only until June 1st. So stop by the Lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event, where the one you want is the one on sale. And hurry, because as we said, every event must come to an end, even ours.

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2:27:06It's brought to you by Carfax. Are you heading out to buy a used car this spring? Well, before you buy, make sure the dealer shows you a free Carfax vehicle history report. All you have to do is say, show me the Carfax. You can always go to Carfax.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm not the most health conscious person in the world. Woods. It's hard work looking this good. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. Zienna. When they're real, you know. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. I never do a la la. Welcome back. What, what, what? That is disgusting. What you just did. What do you call that? Black tooth. Black tooth.

2:28:31Nothing kills, Woodsy. Can you take a picture, please? I can't. Your iPhone. Oh, my iPhone. I don't bring it in the studio. I don't have it. Why was that a dig at me? I don't. You just dug at me. You did. Woodsy, look. I don't bring it in the studio. Was that a dig? It was a dig at all of us. Because you saw his head. He gave me the bow and he goes, I don't bring it in the studio. Like, you do. I don't know how else to tell you. You just dug me. But how can I tell you without digging you? How can I tell you? Like this, right? Ask me. Take it with your iPhone. It's in the office. I love that. I'll do that. I don't bring mine in. What are you, seven? I'm a professional. I don't bring it in the studio. I love it. I don't know how many times I tell them I say please with the phone. I haven't been on my phone in weeks. No, you haven't. I've been a good boy. You have. Nothing kills Woodsy more than Black Tooth. It's the greatest thing ever. How many brownie bites have you eaten? Four. You know that. And a boysenberry. That's a blackberry. Blackberry. On the same token woods, I like to put like, I'll put like sunscreen or like moisturizer on my face and I won't at all rub it in. And then I like to go to someone, did I get it all? Did I have, did I get everything? When they look over, they're like, ooh. It slays me. That is a little of.

2:29:53Lauren's mom in that. Oh, yeah. I pulled up to, I don't know if I've ever told this story, but I pulled up to a bus stop one time. I was in Phoenix. And there was this lady, and she was running for, like, mayor. And she had a bus bench ad. And it was this big, pretty, blonde face. And somebody had blacked out one of her teeth. I laughed for half an hour. I mean, I was like, ah! I took pictures. I called Jamie. I was like, who's a black tooth? Jamie texted me. There was Michelle Obama in a magazine. Somebody had drawn the black tooth on her. And she took a picture of it in the doctor's office and sent it to me. Why is it so funny? It slays me. Some stuff just tickles people. You know what I mean? It slayed me. And that gets him. So tell us, Sienna. Yes. Why'd the dude in Texas spend 15 days in jail? Because he got cut cheating in a fishing competition. Are you kidding me? That's the kind of stuff that gives my home state a bad name. How? This happened in Dallas. Of course it did. Apparently over the last 10 years. I know, seriously. What? Maybe you knew him. His name was Robbie Rose. I went to high school with him. Yeah. We used to call him Bob, Bob Rose. I thought you called him good time Bobby Rose. Good time Bobby Rose. I guess he's always in these fishing contests. Weird.

2:31:11Over the last 10 years, he's always being accused of cheating. So finally he was like, you know what? I'm really going to cheat this time. Big Cheap Bobby Rose? Of course he was. Yeah, Big Cheap Bobby Rose. That's all he does. Cheat. I know. So he put a one pound weight in a nine pound bass that he caught. And so that it would weigh more. I wonder how. I wonder how. Down his mouth. Down the mouth? I mean, but what kind of weight weighs a pound? Like, what kind of... Maybe a weight that you put on, like, a fishing line? Yeah, a washer. They have weights. A pound? Do they have them that heavy? Maybe you put 10 of them in there. Wow. That's a lot. Right. Leave it to Bobby Rose. He's going to figure it out. Yeah. Big sheet Bobby Rose knows what he's up to. I know it. So, over the last 10 years, like I said, they keep questioning him on whether or not he's cheated in the past. And so, they've even given him, like, polygraph tests and stuff like that. Or polygraph. Or polygraph tests. What did I say? Polygraph. They only do that with poly. They do that with Big Cheap Polly Rose.

2:32:02Yeah, so he says, you know what? Like, I don't care. Am I sorry about it? No. Could I have handled the whole thing better? Yes. But he said it was worth it. You know what's the worst, by the way, is that bit, the ask myself questions bit. To tell you a story, I ask questions. Yeah. Am I sorry I did it? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Do I wish that I would have gone all the way into the store before I did that? No. No. It's a preemptive. Yeah. It's a preemptive. It's a preemptive. No, it is not. That's what people want to hear, though. You know what I mean? It's the question to answer. Helping them out. Yeah. He would have won a $55,000 boat if he hadn't cheated. So instead he spent 15 days in jail, followed by five years of probation, and he also has to pay a $3,000 fine. 15 days in jail. And his fishing license was suspended for the duration of his probation. You can't fish on a suspended license. They'll get you for that. I didn't realize that it was against the law to... do something in a contest. Right. Like, I thought they would just, like, disqualify you. Yeah, you're disqualified. Yeah. Welcome to Texas. Yeah. They take their fishing very seriously. Well, when you guys first talked about the headline of this story, I thought it was going to come out because you said a bass fisherman or whatever his name is cheated. I thought it was going to be, like, a Tiger Woods bit. I thought it was going to be, like... Cheated on his wife. Yeah, his wife. He's the most famous fisherman. Yeah, now it's, like, big story. I'm like, who cares? Yeah.

2:33:22Guy put some weights in a fish. Really? Bobby Ray? You ready to do this? Oh, Susanna, what you trying to say? Can't understand a single word. Your retainer's in the way. Susanna's an intern from our accounting department. Hi, Wes. Hi. Whoa, that's weird. That's really strange. She said, should I go get her? She's right here. She's in my pocket. Wow, that's really weird. Hi, Susanna. Wow. You really like Woods, man. You really are a fan. Who doesn't? Okay. Just take the retainer out for a second. She's gorgeous. Beautiful blonde girl. Yeah, who doesn't like Woods? Oh, wow. Listen to that sultry. It's gorgeous, isn't it? It's beautiful. She's an intern in our... Accounting department. That's correct. And you went to college. Where'd you go to college? I went to UCSD. Hello. Hello. Oh, look at that. I didn't go there. She does that all the time. She's a bit passive aggressive. She'll do that sometimes. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. She went to UCSD and she's in the accounting department. Very well put together. Where do you do most of your shopping? Just to give people an idea. Nordstrom. Nordstrom. You do a lot of Nordstrom. It's very cute. Yeah. And so she's got a...

2:34:48Friendship with Woods. Woods one time helped her get something out of the Coke machine. Snickers. Snickers. Out of the vending machine. You know that. She really likes Woodsy and makes it really well known. That's no way. Yeah. You guys, everyone does. That's like the bit. Yeah, is it? That's the bit. And she talks like Woods for sure. You know, uses a lot of the Woods. Get it, Mikey. Okay, got it. Oh, wow. So what we're going to do is, you know, the thing is, is that she wears a retainer. And when she puts that retainer in, it's not very easy to understand. Not at all, no. Not very easy to understand. I'm not getting better at it. No. It's getting worse, actually. It's a good thing I don't talk to the phone, on the phone with anyone all day. You guys are like the only people I talk to all day. That's really weird, because when you said that, you looked at Woods. And I don't think that you talk to Woods all day on the phone. I mean, Woodsie, do you talk to her all day on the phone? Dude, no. Have you ever talked to her on the phone? Wow, Susanna got to look like, oh, I guess we don't. Weird, but you don't. We don't. Well, I transferred that call to you one time. Yeah, that one time. When you said, I go, hey, thanks for flipping that call. Yeah, but we talked on the phone. Okay. Oh, boy. That counts. I see where you're coming from, Susanna. How's Jamie? Weird.

2:36:05She's actually moving here full time next week. Next week. I'll believe it when I see it. The laugh makes it strange. The laugh makes it strange. Well, let's line a couple of people up. You just have to tell us what she's saying when she puts in her... It's like some sort of game or something? It's a game. Do I win anything? You don't win anything. Well, what does she win? I'll help her with the Snickers again. Okay. M1 Dos Equis? How are you? I'm good. You can win a prize. Joseph, what's the prize that he'll win? DVD of movie Pirate Radio. Oh, there you go. A DVD of the movie Pirate Radio. Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah, that's great. All you have to do, all you have to do is tell us what it is Susanna's saying. She's going to say a phrase and it could be really weird. You just have to tell us what it is. Are you ready? Yeah, put your retainer in. Please. That's... Okay. Wow. Strange. Okay, so I'm going to get something... I'm going to get something really clever to say. Is that the phrase? Did she already say it? No, no, no. She didn't say it yet. She didn't say something really clever. Weird. So just tell me when to start. What? Start. Ready? I'll tell you. We're going to count down. Ready? Are you ready? Are you ready, M1 Dos Equis? Yep. Okay, here we go. Okay.

2:37:26Green snakes more commonly succumb to pressure when in the desert. All right. One more time. One more time, Susanna. Green snakes more commonly succumb to pressure when in the desert. All right. And finally, one more time, Susanna. Come on, Susanna. Green snakes more commonly succumb to pressure when in the desert. Dos Equis, can you tell us what it is Susanna's saying? Green snakes. We succumbed to pressure when in the desert. That's pretty close. I'm going to give you that one. I'm going to give you that one for sure. And Susanna, go ahead and take out your retainer and tell him exactly what the phrase was. Wow. Green snakes more commonly succumbed to pressure when in the desert. That's right. That's right. Good job. Good job. Hang on a line. Hang on a line. You know that. Oh, wow. Doing all my bits.

2:38:28She stares at Woods sometimes when she says it. It's really strange. She'll look right at Woods. She looks through me. She's waiting. Looks right through you and says your lines. She's waiting for the look of approval. You know that. Good job. M1 Woodship. What's up? Where you been, pal? I've been on the road for like two weeks now. I'm so happy that I could listen to you guys again. Yeah, real great seeing you at the meet and greet, bro. No, you weren't. Yeah, dude. I was busy. I had a wedding. It was... Priorities. Priorities, dude. Now we know where we fall on your woodchip totem pole, pal. Hey, by the way, hey, listen, I just wanted to say, by the way, the entire time we were talking to you, woodchip, Susanna was staring at woods. Yeah, staring. The entire time we were... You were looking right at woods the entire time, smiling, Susanna. Okay, Susanna, put your retainer in. You put your retainer in. You put yours in. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Okay. You ready? Is everybody ready? Yes. Just say when was that. Okay, weird. Three, two, one. Wow. What? Yeah. One more time, please, Susanna. And finally. Oh, my gosh.

2:39:55And finally, one more time, Susanna. Slow it down. The search of fibromyalgia can be found in this pyramid. There's no way. There's no way. Would you? Wow. It can be found in this pyramid is all I could. I don't even know. That's part of it. Susanna, take your retainer out. What was the phrase? Obviously, the cure to fibromyalgia can be found in the tumor. Oh, my gosh. Obviously. Wow. Clearly. That was my second guess. Yeah, there you go. Woodship, we love you. Sorry about that. See you, buddy. Bye. And finally, M1 Sanjaya. I think I don't know what to say. Hi, Sanjaya. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Holy cow. Did you guys catch that? Did you guys? I was saying hi to Sanjaya. I was saying hi to Sanjaya. Susanna said very clearly. Quietly. What did I say? Very quietly, but clearly. I think I want to wear Woods' skin. No, no. I said I think this is the one who's going to win. Oh. I was talking about Sanjaya. Did you? That's weird because it sounded like you said. No, no. Why would I say? Woods just looked at me terrified. He just moisturizes all the time. Why would I? Like a Buffalo Bill female. Stop it.

2:41:19Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Sanjaya. What up? You ready to give this a shot? Yep. All right, gorgeous. Go ahead. This is the one. This is the one. Just a second. Oh, you know what that is? It's saliva on the top of the retainer. Yeah. Hey, grow up Peter Pan. What did she say, Sienna? She said grow up Peter Pan. Oh, wow. This is another one of my bits. Here we go. Okay. Sailors use submarine simulators to train for the sea. Oh. What is that? One more time, Susanna. Sailors, use submarine simulators to strain for the sea. Oh, okay. And finally, it's getting clearer. It's getting a little better. Slow it down. And one more time, Susanna. Sailors, use submarine simulators to strain for the sea. Sanjaya, what do you think she said? Sailors, use submarine simulators to go down to the sea.

2:42:17Yeah, close enough. Close enough, buddy. That's not exactly what he said. Close enough, dude. That's not exactly what he said. That's not exactly what he said. But it was close enough. Take your retainer out. Yeah. Yeah. I heard you, Sanjaya. Oh, wow. I heard you. He was totally doing my bit. Yeah. She was squinting as she said that to you, Sanjaya. Just so you know, she was squinting at the microphone as she said it. What was your phrase, Susanna? Yes, it was. Sailors use submarine simulators to train for the sea. It's true. They do. They do. It's true. It's true. They do. Yeah. Love it. All right. Well, you won. Hang on the line. Sanjay. I told you I'd wear his skin. Whoa. That's what we said that we thought you said. What? I told you Sanjay I would win. That's all I said. No. I clearly hurt his skin. She has, I don't know if you guys noticed this, she's a beautiful girl. Yeah. Suzanne, I've never asked you about this. Do you chew your nails? Because it looks like you're... Only when I'm nervous. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because she's got these beautiful nails, but a couple of them... They're gnawed. Chewed down to like gnawed little nubs. They're gnarled. You don't worry about that, pal.

2:43:30Wow. She's like a female Woods. That's a female Woods thing. I was saying that way before I was. You were, Susanna? Obviously. At UCSD? You know that. Wow. It's a Woods line. They all are, yeah. I'm speechless. Want to stick around, Susanna, while we do some new movies? You know, I'm all set. I've got some work to do. You're very busy. And, yep. Some of us do work, Woods. Oh, whoa. Oh, wow. She, like, stood straight up when she said that to you. I do. I do work. Some people don't copy other people's bits. Yeah, right. Wow. I think she's flirting. Anyway, you know where I'm at. Right, Sienna? Yeah. That was a flirt, right? Oh, yeah. She winked at him. Yeah, she just gave him a wink. I could use some help. Studio smells nice when she comes in. You know, she wears this really light but very pleasant perfume. The problem is that when she takes her retainer out, you know. Smells like feet. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. She just, when you said that, she got the most horrified look on her face. And she looked at you and she said. How do you think that your spit cup smells, mister?

2:44:45I don't know. You had, like, four of them on your desk that you took out of the garbage. Yeah, it's because I'm trying to prove a point. Yeah, really? Why are you growing plants in them? I'm trying to show everyone just how gross it is. Yeah, you're growing little plants in them, and it says Woods 41310. Yeah. Mike, maybe keep your eyes on your own paper. Okay? Oh, my. There's only room for one Woods in this studio. Seriously. This is creeping me out. Okay, I have to get back to work. All right, Susanna. Maybe you've heard of it, Michael. Maybe I have. Thank you, Susanna. For good measure, I'm just going to pop my receiver back in just to get back to you guys. Hey, bye, Woods. Bye, hon. I don't know, but she really grins when she wears that thing. Wow. Something else. She's a trip. It's getting a little creepy. It is, a little bit. Yeah, it is. I think she's a little possessive of you, Woods. You think so, huh? Did the dirty spit caps give it away? Yeah, she's collecting them on her desk. Gross! We got new movies that are coming out today? Great. What have we got today, Sienna? Well, there's one that I hope I can say. That you hope you can say? I just made Mike so nervous. He's so nervous right now. What does that mean? Power down. It's called Kick-Ass. Really? Dude, it's Kick-Ass, bro. Really? I know, I know. Who's in it?

2:46:12Nicolas Cage, Aaron Johnson, and Mark Strong. You know what I hate are movies that make me feel lame when I walk up to the window and buy my tickets. I'll take three for Kick-Ass. I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't hear you. You heard me, dude. I want three for the one with Nick Cage. Oh, The Rock? The Rock? No. Which one? Kick-Ass. What was that? Yeah, it is Kick-Ass. What's the name of the movie? It's called that. Can you please say it again? Wait, what's it called? I know what you think of it, but what's it called? My wife and I and our friend are just trying to buy it. I know you are. Sir, you need to speak up. We got a line here. Tell me what you want to see. Come on. It's called kick ass. It's called kick ass. We don't have kick ass here. There's no kick ass. You guys, please. This is mortifying. Please let me just buy my tickets and go inside to see Kick-Ass. Kick-Ass, really dumbest name. That's a great movie. Really? Will you be accompanying your children for this movie? Yeah, seriously. Yes, I will. Can you imagine? That's a dumb name for a movie. I totally want to see it. What is it? I'll read you what it says. About two hours. It says this. Every time I get that. It says...

2:47:25The superhero film follows an average comic book-loving teenager who decides to become a real-life superhero. Dumb. It's Fogle from Superbad is one of the guys, one of the kids in it. And people have been already writing in going, go see it, go see it. McLovin? It's a funny movie, right? Yeah, it's funny. With Nicolas Cage? I didn't know he made comedy. Dude, Honeymoon in Vegas. Imagine Fogle and Nicolas Cage together. Was he in Raising Arizona? Yes. That's funny. Brilliant. Another movie out today, Death at a Funeral with Chris Rock. That looks so bad. Tracy Morgan and Danny Golova. Really? Yeah, and now I always like to give you guys the other movies that come out, although we've never heard of them, are called Exit Through the Gift Shop, The Jonases. Git. As in the brothers? I don't know. Spelled different. Or the Joneses. The perfect game and the secret in their eyes. I love when you do this. I do too. You did that for the crazies when the crazies came out. The crazy S. The crazy S. They don't teach grammar.

2:48:23La Jolla or what? That is the best. It's an apostrophe. I think she just reads so many stories. That's the Joneses. You try reading 75 stories a morning. It's true. Can you imagine how many 14-year-old kids are going to go see a movie about the Jonas Brothers this weekend and be so mad? Be like, this isn't the Jonas Brothers. I'm sorry. We heard Sienna say it. We said the Jonases. I thought it was the Jonas Brothers. I'm sorry. You said, wait, I said the Jonas Brothers. And I'm like, no, there's no A. And then I was like, oh. Wait a minute. There's no A. Fantastic. I filled in for Sienna for one day. I had a panic attack. Disaster. And I did like the same. I didn't know. You were like, so tell me about these crazy cities. And I was like, well. Lauren's like, um, um, um, um. I wish I could, but turns out this article, it's just a joke. And it's covered in coffee. I have two piles of paper. And so when Mike goes to a story, I have to quickly sort through them to find the paper to pull out. And if you keep reading things all day, sometimes your eyes just play tricks. Your eyes play trick. Most of the time. Yeah. Say it. See, she already knows. Do you still have that retainer in there? Say it. I've been reading a lot. Say it. Your eyes play tricks on you. Well, thank you for having my back. Yeah. I have your back. Larry King is going through his eighth divorce. Yeah, he and Sean are calling it quits after 12 years. He was married to a dude named Sean. No, a woman named Sean, right? I like that, actually. I miss Sean. You don't even know Sean.

2:49:50Lauren pulls that out on Woodsy at least once a day. She'll find a way to be like, Sean wouldn't have done that. Are you guys talking about Sean? Yeah. Gosh, I love that guy. Such a good guy. Sean's a friend of mine, used to be my sound effects guy, and I love him. And what happened was, is that when we were starting here, we were getting a lot of emails saying, hey, is Sean coming in? It would be so great if Sean came, man. He's the best. I was so bummed when I found out it wasn't Sean. Yeah, it was Woods. Great. Well, Larry and Sean each filed for divorce on Wednesday, citing irreconcilable differences. Really? They've been together 12 years, though. It's a pretty good run. Yeah. Well, when you're 107, you can squeeze in a divorce. They have two kids that are 9 and 11. I wonder if him and Miley Cyrus are going to start dating. Gross. This is a pick by Pepper O'Brien. 311. So we got so much to do still. You want to do a little Donald Duck Theater? Oh, you know it. Absolutely. It's great. Donald Duck Theater is where we have Donald Duck. You know what this is? It's the opposite of a boardroom idea. Okay? It's the opposite of a boardroom idea. Right. A boardroom idea is where you have an idea in a boardroom, but when you execute it on the air, it's terrible. This is the opposite. When you say it in the boardroom,

2:51:18People are like, I don't know about that. But when you hear it, it slays you. It's genius. It slays me every time. Donald Duck is doing Rocky today. Oh, yes. That's what I'm talking about. Mikey Show on FM 94.9. In this episode of Mossy Nissan's Dare to Compare, the reliable Nissan Altima takes on Challenger Toyota Camry in a race to the finish. The catch, they each get just one gallon of gas. And here comes the stylish Nissan Altima 2.5 S cruising in for the win. Hey, congratulations, Team Altima. Oh, yeah, thanks, man. It was easy. Our Altima gets better city MPG than that Camry. Yeah, and this company...

2:52:11This car is sweet. Yeah, just like you, babe. And here comes Team Camry, trying to push their Camry LE over the finish line. What happened, guys? Our Camry ran out of gas. Uh, you ran out of gas. Don't start. Not now. Why wait? Dare to compare today and get a new 2010 Nissan Altima 2.5 S with auto, AC, and more for only $18,995 net cost at all six Mossy Nissan locations. Number 13, 110 with 22, 735 MSRP or less $19,995 so much. Do you remember when you used Dial-Up to access the Internet? Remember how slow that was? Thankfully, things have changed, and now you're doing more and more on the Internet. Facebook and Twitter, YouTube, Deuce, the Huffington Post. You just couldn't do all of this with Dial-Up. And you know how some levels of DSL from the phone company aren't that much faster than dial-up? Here's the deal. If you want super fast internet without all the lag you get with DSL, switch to Earthlink from Time Warner Cable. See, Time Warner Cable has this advanced fiber network. So with it, Earthlink is 13 times faster than DSL. 13 times. That's huge. Seriously, getting Earthlink for your internet service is such a no-brainer.

2:53:30Pick up the phone and call 1-800-CABLE-TV to get Earthlink from Time Warner Cable for only $36.95 a month. That's 1-800-CABLE-TV or go to timewarnercable.com anytime. Some restrictions apply. March 26, 2010. We're deep into the land of the polar bear and it's a world full of magnificent sights. Our expedition is young, but we've gained a lifetime of memories already. The polar bear is a gentle creature living in a fragile environment. The journey seemed daunting at first, but it was actually only about 20 feet to their glass enclosure. There is much to see here, like the depleting ice strips, which we crossed with ease. The children love learning about the polar bear's story and don't seem to be tiring as much as usual. Even my husband is showing a level of interest he typically reserves only for sports and crime shows. Mom, why are you shouting like that? We're right here. I don't know, honey. It just sounds better when I say things like this. If you can hear me, this is an experience not to be missed. Take an expedition for the whole family at the San Diego Zoo's new polar bear plunge. Explore their Arctic habitat and discover all there is to know about the fascinating world of the polar bears. For details, visit SanDiegoZoo.org. Everyone is rushing these days. Your schedule is tight. Down to the wire with that report. Answering emails before you get the emails. Dropping Lily at soccer practice. Jason's got the cross. Hurry, hurry. There's no time for anything which makes it even more important.

2:54:55to get to the Lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event before someone else gets the Lexus you want first. Luckily for you, we have a large selection of meticulously inspected vehicles and every single one of them is on sale. We even have a line of groundbreaking hybrids. You'll find 1.9% APR financing and irresistible lease rates on the Lexus of your choice. So hurry to the Lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event now through June 1st because the Lexus you want is the one on sale. Am I too late? Only at your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or Kearney Mesa. Or visit LexusCPO.com. 36 monthly payments of $2860 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required if qualified. Offer ends June 1, 2010. In Baja, Mexico, there's really only one season, and it's beach season. In that spirit, Rubio's introduces fresh new salads dedicated to preserving your surfish figure, like the balsamic and roasted veggie salad. Grilled peppers and fire-roasted corn, walking hand-in-hand on the beach with crisp romaine and flame-grilled chicken. Splashed with a light balsamic vinaigrette featuring extra virgin olive oil. New salads, Beach Mac style. Only at Rubio's Fresh Mexican Grill. If there were 100 kids in our town.

2:56:15we'd need about five teachers to teach them. If the following year there were a lot more kids, we'd need a lot more teachers. But if we didn't answer the census, we wouldn't know how much we've grown. We'd still have five teachers who are short on books, short on desks, and very long on patience. Answer the census. It's how we get our fair share of funding for the things we need. Look for the census in your mail today. We can't move forward until you mail it back. 2010 Census. It's in our hands. 2010census.gov. Paid for by U.S. Census Bureau. Let me tell you why Navy Federal members are the luckiest drivers on the road. It's not because of the hassle-free ride to a pre-approved auto loan or just because members take their financing straight to the dealership where they drive the bargains. No, the real reason is because members get all that and rates as low as 3.99 APR on new and used cars. I'm glad I'm a member. Hey, if you're in the DOD, you and your family should be too. Join today and enjoy the ride. Rates based on credit worthiness, so your rate may differ. Visit NavyFederal.org for details. The Drew Ford Used Car and Truck Superstore is having a huge sales event all month long. Drew is offering over 80 quality pre-owned Fords, Volkswagens, Hyundais, Nissans, Hondas, and more. All red tag discount price for this special sale. Most used vehicles come with the Drew Value Limited Warranty. 12 months or 12,000 miles. See Drew for details. But shop early online at DrewFord.com or at the store. Where the I-8 and the 125 meet in La Mesa.

2:57:43This report, it is brought to you by Jack in the Box. Come to Jack in the Box to try Jack's new fries. They are crispy, golden, delicious, and salted just right. And Jack's giving them away free during Free Friday today. In Escondido, the 78 westbound between the 15 Twin Oaks Valley Road, pretty much stop and go traffic this morning. Also on the 15 southbound Valley Parkway, we've got some slowing coming through Escondido, about 31 miles an hour. Then it gets right back up to speed. It's kind of off and on. Encinitas on the 5 southbound between La Costa Avenue and Loma Santa Fe. We've got stop. and the 56 westbound. Some delays here between Carmel Valley Road and the 5. This report also brought to you by redplum.com. Are you a deal chaser? Take a fun savings personality test on redplum.com. They'll match you to savings and help you get coupons and deals. Visit redplum.com slash mysavingsstyle. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, Lincoln Financial Media Station, the new home of The Mikey Show. This is FM 94.9. Well, my daddy left home when I was three and he didn't leave much. The ma and me, just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. How do you know this, O'Brien? My dad. Liked him some Johnny Cash. He went and named me Sue. What a boy. Well, he must have thought that it was quite a joke and it got a lot of laughs from lots of folks. Seems I had to fight my whole life through. Welcome back.

2:59:15It's a Mikey show. And Lauren picked some music today, so we're doing a little Johnny Cash and A Boy Named Sue. That's good stuff. I asked her if I could play one song, and she crowed at me. I did not. It's her day. He said, maybe you let the kid pick a song. She goes, it's my day! I did not say it like that. If it were the kid's day, and she goes, listen, I'll take care of it. You go, don't you worry about that. I'd let her play one. You know why? Kid's got it taken care of. You know why? Why? I'm a team player. Really? Real good. A team player wouldn't want to impede on somebody else's day. Wow. Kid got hosed yesterday, and you know that. Kid picked up the music for two weeks when we started. That is 100% true. That's such a weak bit. I had to. Oh, you had to. Yeah, it made me. Woods, you need to pick the damn music. Are you guys driving up together? No, we're not showing up together. He's already there. He's probably listening right now. Is his family there? I don't know. I don't think so. Woods, you're my family this weekend. Yeah. I think we're sleeping. Why don't you start by making me an omelet? I can't. No idle time. Snuggle buddies. That's right. We're sleeping in the same sleeping bag, so that'll be cool. Woods, I'm freezing over here. Woods, how about a back rub? Frankie's going to be jealous as he goes to Coachella. I ain't jealous, dude. Why not?

3:00:36Because what do I got to be jealous about? You're not going to become best friends with them. Yeah, I mean, we're pretty good buddies. Yeah, dude, but you know what. You know your best friend, dude. Yeah, I do. Thanks, buddy. What time are we leaving? Frankie, you should go with him. For what? I am going with him. No, you're not. Oh, you are? Yeah, I am. Dude, they don't have room for you in the 94.9 house, bro. Dude, I already talked to Garrett, dude. I sent him an email. It took him four months to respond, but I finally told him. You show me the email back, and then that's cool. Show you the email from Garrett? From Garrett that says it's okay. Click delete, dude. Well, I got to have confidence. Dude, it's like a smaller house, so. They can't just have anybody in there. Seriously. I couldn't even bring my wife, dude, if she wanted to go. Frankie, I bet Woods saw that email when he was snooping around through your stuff. Dude, you were snooping through my emails. I never looked at your emails, clown. Dude, be serious. What time are we leaving? I'm leaving at 10.05. Well, take my chopper, dude. I'm not taking your chopper. You'll ride on my hog. Come on, dude. Well, take the chopper. Shirtless?

3:01:50Tank tops. You know that. You know the way it is, dude. I wear tanks. You wear red. He'll wear blue. That's not the colors I picked up, but that's fine. What were the colors you picked out? I picked out rose and salmon. Oh, my gosh, dude. That seemed better. Me and you cruising through the desert on your hog with rose and salmon tank tops. I got helmets. And helmets. I'm all the way out. Couldn't be more out. Dude, you know what, man? You don't even think about it. Think about it for a minute. You just instantly, oh, I'm all the way out. Why do you think about it a little bit? I just thought about it. I'm out. Leather pants? No, that'd be weird, man. What would you wear? Jeans shorts. And like big Timberland boots. Yeah, dude. It's like construction boots. I just got a visual of the two of you. Me holding him just going, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. I hope nobody sees me. I hope nobody sees me. No, who would be wearing rose and who would be wearing salmon? I'd be wearing salmon. You know that. There's a difference, really, Frankie. Aren't they both pink? Yeah, but one's a little lighter. Yeah, the salmon's probably a little lighter than the most. Way more vibrant. Yeah, way more vibrant.

3:03:06It really brings out my eyes. Dude, I think you need a chaperone, dude. I'm just the guy to do it, man. No, I don't really need one. Garrett's going to be there. He's going to keep his eye on the kid. I know. I wrote him. I said, hey, do you need a chaperone for my best friend, Stephen Woods? And he said, yeah, that would help, you know? And I was like, all right. So I'm going to bake all weekend, and then we're going to hang out, man. Well, I'll call Garrett when we get off the air and make sure it's cool. And if he says it's cool, then it's cool. Wow. That's progress, Frankie. Say thanks. Why does he have to check? What's going to happen when he checks? I know. Nothing, but he already said it's all right, man. I don't think he did. You don't have to embarrass me, dude. I'm not. There's not a lot of room there, dude. Please, dude. No, there's not a lot of room. Are you begging now? I'm asking you. He's tugging on your pant leg. I'm asking you if I can stay there, man. I don't think you can. I'm telling you, it's a tight squeeze, that. Don't cry again. Oh, no, Frankie. He really wants to go to Coachella. He's on his hands and he's hugging his hands. Garrett, if you're listening and you want Frankie there, you can just call in. Garrett, yeah, there you go.

3:04:32Frankie gets so sad, right? Yeah. Poor guy. Poor Frankie. Oh, he needs a hug. Throw me a bone. I'm not throwing you any bones, pal. Trust me. Come on, dude. Uh-huh. You creep. Oh, my face hurts. My face hurts. I love Frankie. I'm sorry, Frankie, but it's funny when you cry. It is not funny. He just wants to go to Coachella. You know what's so weird about when Frankie cries? He actually puts both fists up to the side of his eyes and twists, which is weird because you don't usually see somebody actually do that. Not a grown man in jean shorts. When Woods just says the one word, creep. Creep. He kills me. Okay, so a couple things that I wanted to tell you about. First of all, first of all, Woodsy went to Whole Foods yesterday. Weird. Yeah. Every day now. And he's really sort of trying to fit into. Yeah, tell him what you got. How do you know what I got? I was behind you. No, you weren't. I didn't see you. Tell him the sashimi story. Oh, great. Woodsy got sashimi.

3:05:59What even is that? It's just fish. It's sushi, but it's just the fish part. It's on a thing of rice. Oh, yeah. Dude, I won't eat like my sushi bit as I won't eat rolls. You know why? Why? Because they have seaweed in them. Even though it's a tiny little thin layer, I hate that taste. Best part. It's disgusting. I don't like the seaweed part either. So I got, they had this thing and I walked by and I looked at it and I was like. I looked around, see if anybody was looking at me, and I grabbed one and I threw it in my little basket. Little basket. And I took it home. Are you borrowing Mikey's basket? A tiny little basket. And I took it home. Adam Lambert walked by and he was like, really? Really? Really? Yeah, Adam Lambert. Do you think he is from San Diego? You're really getting that? Are you really eating that? He did. And so I took it home. What if he did? What if he did? What if he actually did? You'd be like, oh my gosh. I'd call Mikey and be like, I've got to move back. Adam Lambert's like, grow a pair, pal. Have you ever heard of steak? Jesus. Oh, that's awesome. He walks by and just goes, queen. So what kind did you get? It was like a spicy... Was it? Tuna?

3:07:27Yellowtail? Spicy Yellowtail, maybe. Oh, dude, Yellowtail's delicious. So here's the bit. I went home and I got the wasabi and the soy sauce and I made a little thing and I had three of the pieces. Delicious little appetizers. Yeah, for five minutes. Then you were starving again. Yeah, and then I ate some London broil. Yum. Seriously? London broil. It's meat. It's meat. And then I watched The Office. That's what I did. Do you want to know what your girl Pepper had for dinner last night? Probably... Twigs. She's so strange. Let me tell you about this girl. Bark. No. No. But you're not far off. Not far off. She is a very rare bird. No question. Right? No question. She had Special K for dinner. Cereal. Ketamine? I love cereal for dinner. Yeah. She had the drug special. I'm giving myself a Rufi Colada. No. She had Special K protein plus cereal for dinner. Really? Now listen to this. It's bad. This is your girl. Listen to what happened to her. She eats it and she becomes short of breath and her face gets hot and red. What? It's too much sugar in it. And so she says it lasted about a minute. And either out of stubbornness or stupidity, she gathered herself and thought that whatever happened was just a fluke. And so she tried another bite and the same thing happened. Except this time her face and her neck started itching.

3:08:57She says, I have no idea what it was in the cereal that I was allergic to. Maybe fat? I know what it was. What? Her body's saying, hey, pal, maybe give me some real food at some point in your life besides vinegar and oats and bark. Maybe some meat. Yeah. Maybe instead of grazing, you eat something. Maybe some iron would be good. I really thought I was going to die. Yeah. From cereal? Yeah. I read the back of it and there was like... Wheat bran was the first ingredient. And then there was like... How much would you have paid for a YouTube video of her going... I went like this and just stood with my hands out. Frozen. And I just waited for it because it was like moving down my head and I just waited for it to pass and it did. So I was like, oh, that's weird. Maybe just, you know, I'm getting old, whatever. Maybe you're going through menopause. Went back for bite two and I was like... Oh my God. Same thing happened. What is it? Was it the milk maybe? I haven't milked my whole life. What kind of milk do you? Is it rice milk? Yeah. Is it coconut milk? I was out of rice milk. It was skim milk, which is, they call it fat-free milk here. Yeah. Is that the bit? You know what I call it? I call it water. With an eye dropper of milk. I call it delicious. Gross. I had never had that special K before, so I don't know. There was all kinds of weird soy stuff in there. Same thing.

3:10:19You and your guys skim milk. Did you see the part where I was at the checkout line? What happened? I texted Pepper about it. He was in the checkout line. The booch? Yeah. Lady in front of you, right? We got the booch. It was the lady at the checkout lady who was this. She did this bit. How are you? Oh, that's a lovely tie you have on. 40 minutes with each person. I was sitting there beating my head against the wall like, really? Speed it up. And what happened? The guy in front of me was this little dude. And she goes, do you make your own kombucha? Kombucha? And I sat there. My ears perked up. I looked around. I was like, somebody's playing a prank on me, dude. And he goes, no, but I'd love to. How do you make it? She goes, well, my girlfriend taught me how to make it and then starts ripping off how she does it. And I sat there for a minute and I go, where the hell do I live? Does this really happen? My girlfriend's name is Pepper. Yeah. Does this really happen? Yeah. I'll tell you how you make it.

3:11:19You take some vinegar and you let something die in it. Yeah. Kill a squirrel and let it ferment. Yeah. And that's your kombucha. Yeah, here's how you make it. You go outside. You put some vinegar out there in a bucket and shoot something in it. Yeah. Add a little urine and you're good to go. Yeah, come back five months later and it's called kombucha. Yeah. Well, Woods texted me that and he goes, where do I live with all these question marks? And I went, well, dot, dot, dot. Does he? No, he doesn't. He didn't. But he really wants to learn how to make his own kombucha. M1 Stevo. Hey, how's it going, brother? Good. I wanted to call you guys. I happened to have that Special K with protein last night, and it was so disgusting. My wife bought it. I poured a big bowl of cereal, all excited for dinner. I took two bites of it, and there's no sugar in that thing. Completely disgusting. Did you have an allergic reaction like I did? Yeah, my stomach said this is gross and I couldn't even finish it. Because there was no flavor. It tasted like cardboard with milk on it. But what you're saying is that your face didn't swell up and you didn't start itching? No, good to go. No allergic reaction. There's no sugar in it. That's what happens when you eat raw sticks in a bowl. What's the best cereal in the world?

3:12:35Frosted Flakes, probably. Or Crunch Berries. Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. Frosted Flakes. Frosted Mini Wheats. Regular Cap'n Crunch. Soggy. I like it to get soggy. Fruity Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles are money. I've never eaten any cereal with color in it. Lucky Charms. What do you got against color? It looks dumb. What do you got against color? Cereals of color. You're a deprived child. It looks dumb. What do you have against cereals of color, dude? Cereals of color. The Mexican is only cereal? Is that your bit? Yes. You're talking about Lucky Charms. What else has color? What else has color? Fruity Pebbles. Hey, Peter, why don't you grow up? Dude, Fruity Pebbles are amazing. I'm bringing some in. We're going to have a little cereal taste test next week. I won't like it. You're going to eat it. I'll tell you, I might ruin Fruity Pebbles for you, though. Don't say it. So don't. Do you know something? Don't mind. It's only a comparison. It's not anything true. Gee, it's unhealthy. No. Weird. I was just going to say. Really? That's going to stop us? You guys, it's got 455 calories. I'm about to blow your minds. It's not good for you. Do you guys believe me? It's not anything nutritional. It's not anything nutritional. Who cares? You eat it with milk and it's got nutrients. You guys, it has riboflavin. Oh, my God. It has yellow number five.

3:13:50Not anything nutritious. What is it? No, Mike. What is it? Cover your ears and go ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. There are certain air fresheners that go off automatically. Our building is one of them. And the freshener itself smells like Fruity Pebbles. So you didn't ruin anything for me. I'll eat the air freshener. Yeah. So next time you go into our... Why would that ruin it? It's because it's in the bathroom mixing with all the other stuff. Oh, I get it. All right. Yeah. All right, Sienna. Sienna, you got it. You should have let her do it for the next 20 minutes. All right. You guys are done? Anyway. If that happened, I would be out to you. Pay special attention to it when you're in a building. I don't think I'm going to say anything. It's kind of like Mike and CK1. It just doesn't mix. Can't smell it. That's right. All right. You're all good. I won't eat it, Roots. Roots? Who's Roots? Roots. Hey, Roots, I won't eat it. This is the really mature portion of the show. I won't. Okay, bike. Reiki. Okay, Reiki. I like that. Let's see. Did you guys know? Go to your schedule. No. He doesn't want to. We haven't done anything on the schedule. At all. Oh, no, no. I do want to do this. I do want to do this. Okay. This one I want to do. Five ways that you may be dating an e-cheater. This goes for men or women. Ooh, an e-cheater?

3:15:13Yeah, an e-cheater, meaning he's on or she's on the computer cheating, right? Yeah. I mean, no. Well, yeah, e-cheaters are online. Oh, wait. No. No. It's not what it is. It's a different bit. What is it? Guess how many Americans, first of all, are looking for love online? Five million. 64%. Wait, wait. How many Americans? How many Americans are looking for love in cyberspace? First of all, I need to know how many Americans there are. I think there's probably 360 million of us. Something like that. Yeah, that was a pepper guess. It's a better guess than I would ever guess. Where I just said something crazy and just saw if it was good. I believe that there are 724,325,000. Just a random guess. Yeah. There you go. I will say that 3%. 4%. 3%? You're way off. Dude, you're way off. Of all the people looking for love. 40%. Really? They're not giving me a percentage. What are they giving you? They said over 40 million Americans are looking for love. Oh my gosh. That's a lot. See how many Americans there are. That's what I'm doing. That's a lot. How are we so dumb that none of us know this? There's people in their cars right now screaming at us. That's why I'm trying to get you to take a census. Mike, you're pretty close. What? About 300 million. So 40 million of 300 million are looking for love online. That's a lot. That's a percent.

3:16:42Yeah, it is. None of us can do the math in our heads, so we're just going to keep moving forward. Almost 10%. I mean, it's more than 10%. That's way more. Way more. 10%, right? It's like 30, right? No, not 30. It's about 12%. 15, 15, 15. We're all idiots, by the way. Yeah, guess what? The one teenager in the room. Yeah, 15% dork. Dork. Stupids. What is it? Idiot. I'm pretty sure it's about 12%, but I'll double check. I wonder why so many people. Really? Do you really want to do it? No, I don't. Do you really? It's 13.33333333333333333%. Have you ever been to Target? Yeah. What does that mean? You know what that means. I don't. Have you ever been to a Target? Yes. And you don't know why there are people out there looking for love online? What's wrong with Target? Yeah. Okay. Have you ever been in a public place? Where is this going? I don't know. I don't know what it means, though. You don't meet people at times. Rewind. Ready? Yep. Okay. So what was that again? 15%? There are over 40 million of Americans that are looking for love in cyberspace. Now, a third of those 40 million are already married. Whoa. One third. Hello. Really? Yeah. So if you are online, Match.com, eHarmony, whatever.

3:18:06Men and women? Yeah. See, it's not hard for me to believe that a man would be a creeper. So that's about 13 million people. What? That's about 13 million, right? And not all married. A third of 40 million? Let's not play the math card again. We already rewound. He looks at her. He's so perplexed. We were talking about this like two minutes ago. No, but she said a third of those people. Can we make an agreement? Let's not talk to the host of the show about math. Ever. Ever. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. It's a good one. I don't know what one-third is. I don't know what that means, though, one-third. 33.333333%.

3:18:55He doesn't know odds from evens. Let's just leave it alone. Just don't talk to me about numbers. What is seven? Anyway, I'm just giving you an idea. 13 million people that are married are out there looking for love online. It's Doug Flutie's old number. Seven. Is it an odd or even number? Even. Mikey! I don't know. Is it odd? Yes! Okay! Can you divide it in half? No. Is that a way to know? Yes! Divided by two. We went over this in the car on the way to church. I was like, Mikey, if you can divide it by two, it's even. Okay, give me another one. I think I got it now. 12. Yeah, it's even. 12? It's odd. 12! Mikey! It makes me so upset. It upsets me to know that I'll never get it. I'll never get it. I'll never get it. Okay, let's move on to the story since none of us are mapping up and we have to go to break. I'm going to hire a tutor. Hey, can I just tell you something? Hey, can I just tell you? This is what a child I am. I was driving through a shopping center the other day and there was a smoothie shop called Fruits. And it was spelled F-R-O-O-T-S. And I saw it and I went, I'm seven.

3:20:14Okay, so I'm going to tell you when we come back what are the signs to look out for if you can know if someone's already taken online. Turtles. Peppers pick. Love this tune. Pop it in. Turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY. This is The Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. In this episode of Mossy Nissan's Dare to Compare, the reliable Nissan Altima takes on challenger Toyota Camry in a race to the finish. The catch, they each get just one gallon of gas. And here comes the stylish Nissan Altima 2.5 S cruising in for the win. Hey, congratulations, Team Altima. Oh, yeah, thanks, man. It was easy. Our Altima gets better city MPG than that Camry. Yeah, and this company...

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3:24:47Find out. Hurry into the REI member rewards event going on now. REI. Find out. It's Bob Baker Mazda's Claim Your Mazda sales event with 0% financing on approved credit on 010 Mazda 3s, Mazda 6s, Mazda CX-9s. Test drive yours at BobBakerMazda.com, Car Country, Carlsbad. Back to the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. I don't know what Morrissey would sound like if he sang this song. The nearer of my mind, my mind. It kills me. Oh, that kills me. Welcome back. Talk, talk. It's my life. It's my life. Don't you forget. Sienna, did you know that somebody else sang that besides Gwen Stefani? I'm just learning it right now. That's right. Talk, talk. My wife thought Gwen Stefani did that song. Wow. A lot of people do that. Do they? Well, I'm an old guy.

3:26:22So I know about talk talk. Leave it to the pepper to make it right. That's right. That's 100% right. That was 100% your mom. That was your mom. That was my wood. That was your mom doing woods. That was just really not a good thought. Wow. And you're being inappropriate. You think? A little bit? Maybe? Just a tiny bit? Oh, my gosh. Maybe? A little? Oh, wow. There? Kind of strange? Oh, boy. So, the five ways that you know that you're dating a e-cheater are? Yes. And an e-cheater being someone who's online on TheMatch.com and stuff who is not single. Okay. Just ask yourself, when do you communicate with each other? If it's always late at night, early in the morning, never on the weekends, always around the same time every day? Try to set up another time. See if they'll bite. Also, are you confined to emails and texts? Have you talked on the phone at all? Have you gone out on a date? Yeah. Because some people think they're in a relationship when it's just all online. People don't figure this out. No. They don't? No, that's what it says.

3:27:34One third of the population online is not single and they're pretending to be. So obviously people don't figure it out. Ask yourself, have you met your dates, friends, family, coworkers? Have you met anyone? Because if you're meeting his family, then most likely they're single. You know what I mean? And just do you trust your intuition? Women's intuition is always right. Always. And the last thing is, have you ever been... Women's intuition is not always right. It's always right. Always. It's always right. Is it? It's oftentimes wrong. You don't know. It's always right. It's always right. It's oftentimes wrong. But then the weird thing is that it's always right. It's always right. You know what cracks me up about women's tuition? What is it? It's oftentimes wrong. It's right every time. How did I know you were going to say that? 101%. I intuited it. Oh, exactly. You intuited that sucker right up. I did. You know what I'm saying? You know why? Because she has women's intuition, obviously. Because it's never wrong. Sometimes you'll be talking to Pep. And you can tell when the intuition stuff kicks in because she'll do what I call the Salazzo eye. What's that? Enrico Palazzo? No, Salazzo from Godfather. Salazzo from The Godfather. He's having lunch or he's having dinner with Michael Corleone. The Turk. Yeah. And Michael Corleone had his jaw wired shut because he'd gotten punched in the mouth by one of Salazzo's goons. But what he didn't know was that.

3:29:02Big fat Clemenza had put a gun behind a turlet. A turlet. He put a gun behind a turlet. So at the right point in the dinner, he said, I got to go to the bathroom. And Salazzo went, he just gave him that little one eye. Does a little bit of a, are you going to blow my brains out? And the cop is sitting next to him. Oh, I hate that cop. And he looks at the cop. And he goes, he's good. I frisked him. I frisked him. Oh, that pig. Not pig like cop, but he was like. He was slurping down the food. I didn't. That's not what I meant. I know he was eating like a pig. He was eating like a pig. He's like, it's all right. I frisked him. Damn it. He's good. Yeah. Dig. Keep digging. Way to go, Pep. Yep. Anyway. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. She'll do that, though. Pep will give you the. She'll give you the little. She does. She'll give you the twitch.

3:30:03Sometimes my one eyebrow goes up. Oh, yeah, it is. Can you imagine trying to lie to this broad? There's no way. I get detective in the blood. Yeah, she does. Mine too. Jamie's stepdad was a detective. But this is what I mean. Sometimes women have detective in them and there's nothing going on to the point where they give you the thing and you want to go, really? No, really. Seriously, like imagine trying to, you're coming home to this and you're like, no, we didn't go to a strip club. Let me smell your collar. You're a dead man. Yeah. She'll do that. She'll be like, I want to smell your clothes. Let me smell your collar. Oh, I saw a girl from work I know. I gave her a hug. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was her name? Why were you hugging her at the office? It wasn't at the office. It was out with my buddies after work, and we ran into her. She was there with her friends. I gave her a hug and just said, hey, how are you? Good to see you. Oh, yeah? Did you guys rub collars afterwards? No, we didn't rub collars, but I just gave her a hug. Why didn't you let her smell your collar? I just gave her a hug. What was her name? Brianne. You're done, dude. You're already done. You're already done. Listen to that. Yeah. She's got the right questions, too. As she was doing that, by the way, I was watching Woods. Squirm. And you could see him start to get nervous. I saw the point at which he started to get nervous. I can't lie. And then... Can't. Yeah, he's a terrible liar. I get busted for everything. I get caught for everything. Yeah.

3:31:26But then there came that point where you just broke. I'm done. I'm just like, what? Get. Leave me alone. Put it on the TV. Go to sleep. Then you get what you do, though, if you're a man. You turn it around on them. How's that? Like this. That's being good. What was their name? What's your problem? You're working for the school newspaper? What's your problem? Why am I getting the inquisition here? I'm asking your name. Why is that such a hard question? Why is that important? That's ridiculous. We've been together four years. Like, we've been together four years. Really? I just want to know her name. I've never met your co-worker. I want to know her name. Don't worry about it. Maybe I want to meet her. Don't worry about it. Oh, now I don't need to worry about it. I'm going to go watch my game. Oh, okay. So you want to keep being a psycho, go ahead and go to bed. Yeah, you watch that game. I'm going to. Guilty. Sleep with one eye open. Okay. I still think she won that. Yeah, he's guilty. You don't think she won it? No, no way. I think she got you. Because 10 minutes later, she's laying in bed going, wow, I am freaking crazy. No, I'm not. And I think 10 minutes later, you're like. Oh, man. Oh, dude, I don't go to bed. I stay in there and watch the game, and then I watch another game and another game. I don't go into the bedroom. But what you did wrong was you should have just given the name and then been like, what's wrong with you? What's your bit? That way you would answer so then she'd know. It's like, oh, well, that's the name. You're crazy. You're crazy. You're crazy. Always with the questions, you women. Always with the questions. Just get it. Always with the lies, you guys. Always with the questions, man. You got to know everything. You got to know everything.

3:32:51Very stinking detail of every little thing. I still have the reflex in me from the old days. Like the Duran Duran song? No. A reflex. No, not that reflex. I still have the reflex in me because, you know, Rebecca and I have really changed and now we've got a solid relationship. Very. But there was a time where I was a scoundrel. You scoundrel. He was a scoundrel. I was a scoundrel. And so... I'll go to Henry's and she'll go, where did you go? Henry's? Well, you can't just leave without not saying bye. That's not that. I'll come home. I'll come home. Maybe I'm coming home from work. How was work? Good. You're late. Yeah, I went to Henry's. Oh. I always say. Wait. And there's nothing. There's absolutely nothing. She's not insinuating. She's not anything. But I get the reflex. We just want to know. Like I'm getting an ink. All she did is ask. So you did go to Henry's. Yeah. Yeah, but you just felt the need to tell her because she looked at you and said, you're late. Yeah, because I went to Henry's. Yeah, I went to Henry's. Well, Rebecca doesn't get to leave the house because she's with all the kids. But in my head and in my.

3:33:59all of my reflexes. I'm like, I'm with the Henry's. What? Yeah, what? Well, that's like when a cop drives next to you and you're like, I'm not speeding, dude. Get off my back. Yeah. And she's like, you know, she doesn't, she's not giving you an acquisition. She's not giving you the third degree. I'm in my head getting it. Right. And she was like, what'd you do today? Uh, went to have lunch with the crew. Oh, cool. Where'd you guys go? What'd you have? Ho-dads. How was it? Cool. How was it? I'm not cheating. I didn't do anything. You can't react like that. No, I don't. But there's still a reflex from the old days. That's a man's natural reaction because it seems like every time a woman asks us questions, we're like, I don't mean. My former life was like, oh, God, what did I do? What did I do? And I start thinking. I'm like, did I do something? See, and you know the other thing is that I don't know that men. Isn't that sick? I don't know that men. Ask these questions. We don't give a crap. Well, no, and the thing is we're not going for the Grand Inquisition to find something. For me, I like to picture what you're up to. Oh, do you? Yeah, I like the visual. So the other day when we went out to lunch and then we had car problems, and I couldn't call Kim because we were at the beach. Oh, yeah. Genius. So Mikey's using my phone.

3:35:15And he's on the phone. He's on the phone. And then Kim was like, she was done. She's like, where are you, basically? Because I couldn't call her. Mikey looks down at the phone. Another is a text message. And it says in all caps, seriously? Question mark. Question mark. Yeah. And I said to Jay, I go, dude, I hope I'm not getting in trouble. Because I had been using his phone and tying him up. You jerk, Mike. I know. So I called her. I said, OK, here's what the situation is. We're having car problems. And she's like, oh. And she's like, ooh. She got real small, and then she goes, and I said, and the funny part is, Mikey was using my phone, and he saw you seriously, and she went, ooh, even smaller. Got one myself yesterday. Got home from work, or from the deal, and went and took my cardigan fix, came home, put the Yankees on, and their voice, like the announcers, it just lulls me to sleep. Jamie had sent me a text about something I didn't answer, so then I get one from her, literally. She sends a text, then five minutes later. Really? Just really long. Really? Like, you didn't respond right away. Where are you? What are you doing? And I was like, I fell asleep. Get, you know? It's because you put an expectation, though, that you're a quick answerer. I have put that up. I have my phone, like, in the other room with the sound off, so sometimes I get things, like, hours later, and I'm like, eh.

3:36:30It freaks me out. You told me that. I know a story. You do. You can't play that game. And it makes us think, like, what? Are we not allowed to ask questions? You can, but really? That many questions? Really? Like, really? Am I that interested in my day? Because when she doesn't come, I might go, I might say, hey, babe, how was your day? It's good. This is the complaint, though. This is the complaint that women have is that they would rather we actually be a little bit more interested in their day, which makes sense. Sure, that makes sense. That makes sense, and I think it's important. I used to call her the Riddler because it used to be question after question after question after question. But I love her to death, and I would never have anybody else as my wife. I love you, honey. Nice save, bud. You're a little angel. My mom calls me Inspector Clouseau. Yeah. Who's Inspector Clouseau? He's from Pink Panther or something? Yeah. Does your dog bite? Yeah. She calls you that? Inspector Clouseau, yeah. What's he killed me the other day? Woodsy tells sometimes a better story than the actual thing. He told me this thing. It absolutely killed me. Slayed him. The high-pitched birthday thing that Michael does in The Office. Yeah. You guys know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You know that? Woodsy goes, you haven't seen that where he does the high harmonies? I'm like, what are you talking about? There's a scene in the TV show The Office. You want me to set up the bit? Yeah.

3:37:58Michael's bit, Michael in the office, is that he only sings. He loves birthdays for everybody in the office. It's his big thing. But his thing is he only sings the high harmony. And if you don't know what I mean, you will. That's not working. The tiniest claps in the world. It's catchy. Why is that not working? I don't know. Tell me if you guys. I just hear tiny little claps. I was like, blup, blup, blup, blup, blup, blup, blup. A little duck walking across the board. It is a good duck. Donald's here. No. Is it not plugged into your board? Is the sound on? It is plugged in. That's really weird. Don't know why. Oh, dear. Technology. Should we Donald Duck it? Do we have to break, Jay? Yeah, we're late. Do a little Ben Harper. Then we'll figure this out. Yeah, I'll figure out why it's not working. We'll come back and do it.

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3:44:19After reading, after discussing, after searching, you realize that at this school you don't memorize the answers to questions, you ask them. The Rady School of Management at UC San Diego. Innovators under construction. Learn more at rady.ucsd.edu. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I make up lyrics if I don't know. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. Lauren. If there's a movie with Meg Ryan in it, I'm like, I'm out. Sienna. I put my head down because if I hear someone cry, I cry. And Jay. Please grow up. On FM 94.9. Girl, woman. We're killed. What do you think of immediately? Think of, I forget her character's name. Mia. Mia Wallace. Mia Wallace. You don't think about Neil Diamond when you hear this song? I do not. Worst casting, I think, in the history of film. What? Everybody has an emotional attachment to it, so there's a disagreement because of the emotional attachment. You like Pulp Fiction, therefore you like Uma Thurman in the role. But I don't think Uma Thurman was right for the role. She wasn't a very good actress in it, but I think that Quentin loved her. Quentin Tarantino is a little obsessed with Uma Thurman. He is. He loves her. Who would you have liked better? Miley Cyrus, maybe? Yeah, I would put Miley Cyrus. Why didn't you? You thought she was just a bad actress? Yeah. She was supposed to be like a...

3:45:47Weirdo, though. So if she was a bad actress, how bad was John Travolta? Oh, he was great. John Travolta was great. In fact, I think he was... He was. I think he may have been considered for an Oscar for that movie. Really? That whole movie was great. It was a fantastic movie. Bruce Willis was phenomenal. Yeah. That was one of the only movies that I've laughed so hard. What about the girl that's like, I want a pot? Oh, yeah, the one that wanted the pot belly. Bruce Willis' girlfriend. I want a pot belly. I want a pot. I laughed so hard in that movie. You know when you do the thing where you think about it and you start laughing and you can't control it and it's embarrassing? I did that. What scene? Christopher Walken explaining the watch. I laughed so hard. I didn't see it coming. In a million years, I didn't see it coming. If you don't know it, you'll have to see the movie, but I didn't see it coming. That wasn't laugh out loud to me. That was more like... I didn't see it coming. There's no way. And it was hysterical. Greasy. Only place you could put it. There's no way. It's great. You watch, it's your birthright. Yeah. You had to have that watch. You had to have the watch. I carry this hunk of watch. There's a guy driving a PBR boat by the name Kawaki. Amazing. On that watch. Great scene. Great, great scene.

3:47:15I think we have this working now. I hope so. Me too. This is the scene that made Woodsy laugh that he told us about. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Cree. Every single time. Every time. I told Mikey about it. I got him so good. You do it better. Yeah, I do it pretty good. We'll sing somebody a happy birthday. Call us if it's your birthday. 570-1949. Because I just want people to hear Woodsy. You want me to do it? Yeah, do your falsetto. I'll do my falsetto for them. Do your falsetto, but do it with vibrato. Can you do that? Vibrato? You know I can do that. That's what I want. Yeah, I can do it. M1, Anne-Marie? Yeah. Is it your birthday? My birthday is on Sunday. Okay. Close enough. Works for us.

3:48:27All right, so we'll do the first part and then you take over. We all do it the whole time, but I just come in a little higher, don't I? Yep. Okay. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I couldn't get up that high, dude. I couldn't get it up. It kills me. Hearing you do a high-pitched happy birthday is my favorite thing. Hold on. We may want to try it again. Can we do it again? Yeah, but we got to stop. I want him to do it all. The whole thing? No, no, no. We do the first part, and you do happy birthday, dear Anne-Marie. So embarrassing. Go. Happy birthday to you.

3:49:28Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Sound of music. Wow. Is that better? That makes me laugh. Happy birthday, Emory. Happy birthday. That was beautiful. Thank you. How old are you going to be on Sunday, Emory? 26. 26? Yes. Awesome. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. That was awesome. Cool. Thank you. That was brutal. I love that so much. I could hear that all day. I want to do... His eyebrows twitch. Let's do that on Friday. My brother's birthday is next Friday. That's it. I got to do this again? Yeah. We'll do it next Friday. Hit him up. Yeah. Falsetto bit. 570-1949. Give us a call. Beginning and end of every show, we do open phones. So you can call about anything. Any of the topics we talked about, you can hit us up on anything you'd like.

3:50:40It was good, Woods. Thanks, man. The second take was much better. Now, here's the deal. Hillary, she's already out at Coachella, right? She's there, yeah. She'll be broadcasting in moments, live. They get like a house out there and everything. I bet you right now there's some band sitting in there waiting to be interviewed and just heard me make an idiot of myself live. That's awesome. Wouldn't be the first, though. Fair enough. I love it. Let's see. Anybody got anything going on this weekend? Coachella? A little thing called Coachella. Anything else? We got anything else? No? Coachella. Woodsy will be broadcasting out at Coachella. I will. Tune in. Very nice. Can't wait to do my thing. Tomorrow. I'll be listening. From what time to what time? I don't know. One to four, he thinks, tomorrow. Just listen the whole day. I love it. Just listen all day. We're going to have, I mean, the people that. Owen and Garrett and those guys locked down for interviews. Some of the biggest names at Coachella. Oh, yeah. Vampire Weekend, MGMT, Phoenix, the XX. It's going to be, I am like, I'm giddy. It's a three-hour drive. I'll be there in an hour and a half. You know that. That's cool. That's very cool. Drive carefully. I will. Stay out of trouble, too. Let's see. 570-1949.

3:51:59This is a good week. It was a good week this week. I think it was too, man. It was good to be back on the air today after being off yesterday. I really missed everybody. End of the show on Friday. I tell you my story. I was telling somebody that, you know, my testimony, testimony is a story. And the thing about it is we've been on FM 94.9 now since February 1st. So I don't know how many of them I've actually done, but I'd been doing them for years over at the other station. And I guess people had sort of become used to me doing it. And I guess I had too. Maybe I even took it for granted. And the reason that I mentioned that to you is because there were some people, when I would tell you my story, that wondered, well, why do you do it? Why do you play the music when you do it?

3:53:21A couple of reasons. One of the reasons that I play the music is because I love the music. I think it's beautiful. But the other reason that I play the music, and maybe I've never said this on the air before, is because I need it. It makes me comfortable. Because it's hard to tell you the stuff that I tell you. Even that part's hard to admit. When I was a kid, I was sexually abused. I tell you this story because a lot of people can relate to it. I didn't tell anybody about it. I kept it a secret. As I got older... Got into my teenage years. I didn't think about it, but it was always there. And what it did was it gave me pretty low self-esteem. And it made me feel ashamed. When I got into my 20s, because I felt the way that I did about myself. Because I didn't feel handsome. Because I didn't feel good looking. Because I felt ugly. I did stuff that I thought would help me to numb out. I drank a lot.

3:54:51It did a lot of stuff that was bad for me. By the time I was 33, I was addicted to alcohol. I mentioned that to you because I know that there are people who are listening who at this very moment are going through the same thing. They are addicted to alcohol or addicted to something. If you go to my website, MikeyShow.com, there is a button you can click on called Help, and it's got a lot of resources for if you're going through any of that stuff. depression, addiction, any of those things. There was a time in my life where I felt completely desperate. I didn't have anything to look forward to. Maybe as I just said that right now, there are some of you that are listening that you say, that's me right now. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to. I feel like everything around me is awful. And I feel like there's no hope. If that's you, you're the person that I want to give this message to.

3:56:20I found hope. I used to try to find hope in the bottom of bottles. I used to try to find hope in pills. I used to try to find hope in girlfriends. I used to try to find hope in everything. And I never did. The only thing that ever gave me true hope and took me out of true desperation was Jesus Christ. It's the only thing that ever did that in my life. Nothing I ever tried before that worked. I'm 39 years old and I have a wife, a little boy named Jake. I have good friendships. It doesn't mean that I don't have trouble in my life because I still do. But what it does mean is that I don't have that feeling of being lost and I don't have that desperation anymore. I play a song at the end of the show on Friday and it's an inspirational song. And I really want you to listen to the words of it. The song is called Tunnel.

3:57:51Make sure you listen to Woodsy. He's going to be on the radio tomorrow with Garrett. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next. And we will be back and do this all over again on Monday at 6 a.m. Really listen to the words to this song. Mikey's show is out. Thank you.