The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 05/21/10

1:28everybody. It's the Mikey Show on a Friday, which means a live stream. I love him. Oh, dude. So great. What's the name of the M1 that did that? What's his name? M1 12-7. M1 what? M1 12-7. I want him to be M1 Wheat Thicks. I can change it. Can you? Dude, you gotta be. You are now M1 Wheat Thicks. You gotta be M1 Wheat Thicks. Dude, M1 Wheat Thicks. It's great, right? So cool. Let me tell you. Let me tell you, so M1 Wheat Thicks is the guy, if you ever go to our Facebook fan page, go to our Facebook fan page, we posted a picture the night that we did our last meet and greet over at Hoolies. And it was a picture of him with a t-shirt on that said Wheat Thicks in the font of Wheat Thins. Incredible, right? Incredible. It's a gift. Because if you haven't heard the joke, it is... We were... Hoyle came in one day. Hoyle came in. Our station manager, Hoyle, came in.

2:32And he was telling your mama jokes. And, Hoyle, what was it? I said, your mama's so fat that she has to eat wheat thinks. Right? She doesn't have wheat thins. She eats wheat thinks. Right. Execution is good when you're telling a knock-knock joke, ain't it, Mikey? Yeah. Uh-huh. It's not a knock-knock joke, Hoyle. Right. You ain't had any coffee this morning, have you? I ain't had my hardcore thug wrap. You'll need another one of those for sure. Oh, yeah. But anyway, so he came in. He was wearing a T-shirt that said Wheat Thicks, and we flipped out. I flipped. I was like, yes, yes. Well, today he's in the studio, and he brought a T-shirt for L.O.B. and Sienna. And Sienna. Yep. Sienna got one too. Oh my gosh. And it is, and I'm begging him for one. It's a t-shirt and it says Eskimo Blue Waters. It says the, it says that, let me see. The Legs Tell Truth Tour. The Legs Tell Truth Tour 2010. Sponsored by PBR. And it says coming to a farmer's market near you. Oh my gosh.

3:52It's got a picture of L.O.B. in a cowboy hat. I love it. It's the greatest. I love it. It's like a cool shirt, too. Like, I'd wear that shirt. Oh, yeah. I told him. I'm like, instantly, I'm like, I gotta have it. I want to see Lauren just walking around the street. Is that your face? Absolutely, man. I mean, dude, I guarantee you. I guarantee you M1s will flip out. Maybe we put that on GetShop.com. I need special care instructions for this so I don't ruin it. That is so rad. It's fantastic. Hold it up to the camera. Yeah, hold it up to the camera so people can see it. And we'll take a picture and immediately post it. That's one of those things that you need to put in a glass case and just keep in our office. You know what I want? You know what I want to do? I want to frame it, but I want to frame it with like... I want to wear it. No, no, no. I want to get another one. We'll get another one. And what I want to do is I want to frame it with like the worst guitar ever. A toy guitar? A toy guitar. A toy, like a Sam's Club guitar. Yeah, that's just like...

4:52the worst and have her sign it. You know what I mean? That's like memorabilia that goes in the new studio for sure. How great. So great. Put it in there with her first gold record. That she spray painted gold. Like a paper record. That's if you sell a copy. A paper record. And you bought it from yourself online. I love it. On sale. I love it. Real quickly, before we even get rolling, we got M1 June Princess calling in from LAX. What's going on, June Princess? Hey, it's actually M1 June Princess. Dune. Dune Princess. Got it, got it. Me and M1 Grumpy Wookiee are headed off to Hawaii today to celebrate my 40th birthday. Happy birthday. Yes, happy birthday. Happy birthday to me. Wait, wait, wait. Say that again? Oh, boy. I was hoping that Woodsy would sing me falsetto happy birthday. Sure. You want to do a falsetto Friday? Hang on. Yay! He's going to take a drink. We've got to shorten your name. It'll be easier for him to sing your name. What's your name? Yeah, what name should we say? Cindy. Cindy. Okay. Are you ready? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

6:22I think I like that better. You gotta change it up a little bit. I like that. That was an early morning one. Thank you guys. I really appreciate it. What island are you going to? We're going to Maui and then we're going to Oahu. We're going for two weeks. So jealous. Lucky. Two weeks. Looking forward to it. Two weeks. Thank you. I've never had a two week vacation in my life. Never. my life and if we did it m1s would they'd kill us yeah i don't like leaving for that long though i miss it i'm like i want to go home oh my goodness uh welcome to the show uh five people on the mikey show myself woodsy lauren sienna and jay jay is actually uh out of town today because him and his boy are taking a sailboat to catalina of course that he probably built

7:18Yeah, he probably built it. He probably built it. He whittled it. Yeah, he whittled it out of a beach wood. I think he just needs to be at the premiere of his movie that comes out today, MacGruber. Yeah. He came up with some excuse. That's probably right. MacGruber is in theaters today, and it's a character that they did on Saturday Night Live, no? Yeah. There it is. There's MacGruber. One more time with that. Thank you. So Jesse is kind enough to come in and do the honors. And it's like not skipping a beat when he comes in. It's pretty cool. He's really good. Oh, yeah, yeah. Here we go. I just turned that room up. So hopefully you will come on now, Jesse. If you want to. It's a haunted studio. I was wondering where I was. There you go. There you go. The door is so loud. Yeah, the door that we have to the studio. It used to be that when it was shut, it would slam shut. So they fixed it. Now it goes. Like, OK, really quickly, we're building we're having a new studio built and the Mikey show will be in a brand new, fully dedicated studio, Studio M. And it's going to take a while, whatever. And I felt really bad yesterday.

8:42Can I tell the story? What'd you do? Well, good. I don't feel bad then. Okay. Because just the fact that you're asking me what did I do makes me not feel so bad. Yesterday, Bill said, I need you and I need a female. Immediately. Grabbed Lauren, went in there, and he showed us a bunch of carpet for the new studio. She pointed out what she liked, and I went, I don't necessarily. And then they said, and now paint scheme. She goes, I like this one. And I go, uh, necessarily. And as long as she didn't hold it against me, then I feel okay about it. Oh, yeah. But I'll say for the record, Sienna would have been 100% with me. And who else was 100% with you? You were the same carpet that I picked out as what you picked out. But when Sienna and I saw the space for the new studio, we both said what color wall we thought it would be. Blue? Yeah. I thought it was too girly, though, the blue. There's different shades of blue. It was like a cool blue, but he wanted more warm.

9:42I wanted warmth. Would you go with green? No. Brown? Khaki. Khaki. Beige. Khaki. You know, khaki. Okay. Playing it safe. Okay. See, for me, warm equates to safe, and so that makes me feel safer. It would have been cool, though. I know. That would have made me feel kind of, you know, like... Icy. Yeah. Anxious. Anxious. When I think Mikey's show, though, I think, like, red. Me, too. The carpet... I think black. Red and black. Red and black, yeah. That's kind of the carpet. Oh, okay. Kind of the carpet. Really? It was maroon, right? It's like maroon and greenish. All right, do we need a second opinion on this, Mike? I'll show it to you. You know why I can show it to you? Why? Our engineer just got here, and he's got the... Samples. Swatches. I trust you. I mean, Rebecca did do your entire house, but... The whole time that... No, no, no, no. I got to tell you, I do have a very metro sense of paint. I believe you. I do. Yeah, you have a good eye. Nice. I said that it looked like a hotel lobby and you were like, exactly. I said it looks like a resort. I said it makes me feel like a resort. It makes me feel like a nice, classy, elegant resort. Yeah, it's your style.

10:52The other way would have been me and Tiana's in Wood style. The whole time I did it. The whole time that I did it, I had to do it like this just so that I could get in the zone. I said, I don't know. I just feel sort of like the burn. Like that amber is good. But I just want to kind of accentuate if we can. Because I think it sort of shows it off a little bit more with the highlights. Had to do that the whole time. Can we have an accent wall? I think we do. Oh, no, no, no. We don't. They won't let us do the accent wall. Anyway. Really? All right. So let me move on to some things that everybody can sort of follow along with us on this. And by the way, call us, 570-1949, or text 949mikey at gmail.com. Big news out there today concerning Bret Michaels, Lance Armstrong, and also Suge Knight. Three people that are in, and Lindsay Lohan. Yeah. Four people that are in the news today. Pretty big, giant stories. All over the place. And we'll be talking about... all those various people throughout the show today. But first, Bret Michaels, what's the story?

11:51Some bad news for Bret Michaels. What happened? We've been hearing, you know, he was on Oprah. He's doing a lot better after the brain hemorrhage. That is until he suffered a warning stroke yesterday. He was readmitted to the hospital. He was suffering from numbness on the left side of his body, predominantly his face and his hands. So he went straight back to the hospital. They underwent some tests, MRI, CT, CAT scan, you know, and they discovered he has a hole in his heart. Oh, wow. Now, this hole in his heart and this warning stroke had nothing to do. with the brain hemorrhage is what the doctors are saying, which is a little bit scary is that it's a whole nother set of problems on his hands. So the good news is doctors say that it's operable and treatable and we think we have diagnosed the problem early enough. So it was a good thing that he felt any numbness and went right to the hospital because it would have been a lot worse if he had waited. Got an idea. What? Maybe the next time you go to the hospital, maybe you rest. Maybe you don't go on Oprah. Yeah. Worldwide tour. It's a good idea. Maybe just sit in bed. It's a good idea. Get your bandana going. It doesn't seem like it was related, though. It doesn't matter. Just rest. I think you're right. When you get out of the hospital, no reality shows, no Bret Michaels Rock of Love. No tours. No tours. Just relax. We're not going to forget you, dude. Imagine his family. We wouldn't have stabbed a hole in his heart. Just give me something to believe in, Bret. Really? That bit?

13:08With the whole... Who sings that song? There's a hole in my heart. Extreme. Extreme. It's too soon. I thought of it too. I thought of it, and I went, it's too soon. But thank you for doing it, though. Well, yeah, Lauren O'Brien's like, you know what, guys? I'm going to nail it right now. I thought maybe it was him, and I was like, how appropriate? I'm going to turn it on real strong. Anyway, is he okay? Yeah, he's okay. The doctors say his spirits are high. Being really positive about the whole thing. Just imagine his poor family getting that call. He's just released from the hospital. Now there's a whole other set of problems they have to go through with him. So hopefully he's going to be okay. But he has a smile on his face right now. What's he? Lance Armstrong? Yeah. He's firing back? Yeah, man. He continues to deny. I talked to Bark Malman last night about it. Bark is a real big Lance Armstrong guy. Your buddy Bark Malman. Bark Malman called me from Dallas. He goes, well, dude. I've got a new P word of the year. And I go, yeah, who's that? And he goes, the guy's name's Floyd Landis. And I go, okay, all right. Because he's a big, well, he's an Armstrong guy. He's an Armstrong guy. Armstrong's from Austin. Malman's all about everything, or Malman is about all things Austin. He goes, you know, dude, they've been up this guy's butt for seven years. They haven't found anything. They're not going to find anything because Floyd Landis is full of S. The guy was dropping.

14:32All kinds of expletives on the phone with your boy. Right. But, you know, I think the main issue for Floyd Landis is his credibility. This clown spent two years in court. After they busted him, he goes, I didn't cheat. I won fair and square. He spent two years in court, spent a million dollars. Yeah, but he did cheat. But he did. And then he came out. He just admitted it. Yeah. I mean, he just, you know. And in admitting it said, oh, and it's not just me. It's also Lance. Yep. Okay, so Lance is, Lance had a few things to say about it. Let's take a listen. I would say that I'm a little surprised, but I'm not. In all honesty, this has been going on for a long time. The harassment and the threats from Floyd started really a couple years ago, and at that time we largely ignored him. Why the animosity between them? I don't know. I don't know. You know what I mean? Because it seems like in order to have animosity, you have to have a relationship. Yep. They did. They had a relationship. Yeah? Before. So I guess it went south. They were former teammates. More Lance. Finally, a year or so ago, I told him, I said, listen, you do what you have to do. We're not going to. We have nothing to say. We have nothing to hide. He has been tested a million times. A million. Yeah. So when and why, Lance, was Floyd accusing his teammates?

15:52Right around the time that they were trying to get in this race, Floyd made pointed threats to Messick and to the leadership of Amgen that if he wasn't led in the race, he was going to say X, Y, and Z about their product. Hmm. It's credibility, man. You know, it's credibility. The guy has none. What's your take on Floyd, Lance? But I'd remind everybody that this is a man that's been under oath several times and had a very different version. This is a man that wrote a book for profit. that had a completely different version. This is somebody that took, some would say, close to a million dollars from innocent people for his defense under a different premise. And now when it's all run out, the story changes. If you said, give me one word to sum this all up, credibility. I think he has a point. He does. He has a huge point. So, well, anyway, he's not taking it. He's not taking it sitting down. That's good. I'm glad he came right out. Basically calling him a con artist. Yeah, pretty much. And you know, this guy, Floyd Landis, and somebody mentioned it yesterday, probably a book deal in the works. This guy's going to make a little coin off this, regardless if it's true or not. That's the unfortunate part. And he already has. Yeah, he already has. He already did a book, like Lance was saying. Did you ever hear a thing about Lance Armstrong having some deal with his heart that allowed his heart to pump more blood? I've heard that, too.

17:12that he was lucky enough. Like he's a $6 million man. Yeah, kind of. Pretty much. It's like extra room in the chamber or something like that. Yeah, it was like that. And that he was able to pump more blood through his heart, which allowed him to kind of do what he does, which would be really cool. Can you imagine? I could paddle a lot further when I'm on that surfboard, I'll tell you that. That's right. That'd be rad. Wait till we tell you that story, by the way, a little bit later. Wait till we tell you about yesterday. A harrowing story. Yeah. And a hero in your midst. Oh, wow. Sure. Really? Get her on the phone. Oh, no. Well, it's coming up. I say, oh, no, because I know that in my heart of hearts, I believe to myself, what's he's a little bit of a hero? I also believe in my heart of hearts that the two girls sitting to your sides are going to give you a little bit of a hard time. They're not going to believe it. And they're going to probably, oh, look. They better get that eject button ready. Look at Lauren. What did she do? She gave me the heart. What does that mean? She gave me the heart with a hand. She's making a heart. Some clown thing. Making a heart. Oh, she's saying you and I. Oh, she's saying you and I. Romance. Listen, guys. Listen. I'm telling you. Woodsy did something really cool yesterday. Unbelievable. She just gave me the heart. Romance. Hang on, O'Brien. Unbelievable. Hang on.

18:35We should write a song, Lauren. You and I should do a parody about Mikey and Woods' love for each other. Hang on. Yes! We gotta do it! What if? What if you guys share the story and you go, wow, Woodsy, that was really cool. I bet I will, but I bet I won't see him so dreamy as you. Really? We should give Woods a cape. We probably should. Yes! Woodsy, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell the story without being, you know... Are we telling the story? They'll get theirs. They'll get theirs real good. Oh, no. No, we're going to wait. We're going to wait to tell the story. We're going to wait to tell the story. Poke the tiger. Oh, no. Get that eject button ready. Better get it ready. She actually literally just did reach out and poke the tiger. What time do you want to tell the story? Maybe 7.30? Yeah. Just so you know, 7.30. Call the shot right now. 7.30 this morning, we're going to tell the harrowing story of survival. We're going to tell a story about a man that... Basically, put it all on the line. For love? For love. For love. Of Mikey? No. Not for me. You guys did go to the beach together yesterday, didn't you? We did. We did. You went sponging together real good. Did you guys hold hands? Really? Hold hands? We did. We'll tell you all about it a little bit later on. What this man did. All right. Speaking of Lance Armstrong.

20:03Today is Bike to Work Day. Tried your bike, Mike? Of course, you know. There's five bikes tied up outside. Mine, Sienna's, Lauren's, and Jesse's. Maybe Lauren's. Maybe Lauren's. Jay's not here today. He would have done it. Bike to Work Day nationally. I believe so, yeah. It's been Bike to Work Week nationally, but we're celebrating it today in San Diego. You may have seen the signs on the freeway. You know those little signs that change always? It said Bike to Work Day this Friday. Remember to ride your bike. They do it for the environment. Maybe the people that put that sign up don't realize where they live. Okay, you want to know how many people bike to work when this happened last year? From Vista to Chula Vista? Yeah, tell me about it. They always do it on the third Friday of May. Because it's National Bike Month. Yeah, you know where they should do that? Amish country. That's where they should do it. Maybe Yuma. Maybe Holland. There's so many cyclists here. Maybe Tokyo. Maybe the Alps. Last year, in 2009, 5,000 San Diegans biked to work. Did they really? Yeah. A driver's dream. You know why? Because they live two blocks away in San Marcos. That's why. That's true. But if they work.

21:12In Mira Mesa, but they live downtown. How are you going to bike to work exactly? I am literally 35 miles from here. Like everyone is. I would have had to go home from the show, get on my bike, and start pedaling to get here. Maybe I bike to get a cup of coffee later. Yeah. I'll do that. Bike it over to Jamba Juice real good. Jamba Juice. It's not that easy to bike to work in San Diego. No. It's really not. You can take all alternate routes. You can? Mm-hmm. Okay. Talk to me, though, about downtown. to Escondido. What alternate routes do you have? Leaving the day before? Let's see. I'm not really good with the Escondido area. There are bike routes. There are plenty of bike routes. Yeah, but it's like 40 miles. Well, if you're doing 40 miles, it doesn't matter what route you're doing. It's just still distance. This is you arriving in Escondido. Mikey, stop! It's not easy. It's not easy. Well, if you can bike to work today, we recommend it. It's good for the environment, all right? How about we just say that? It's good for you, too. It's good for you as a writer. It's good for the butt and the thighs. It's the quickest way to a heart attack for me, the day I bike to work. Trust me. Blast him a cig, like, kill me! He's dying. All four of his dogs in a basket behind him. This sucks!

22:37No, dude, it's good. You leave at 2 a.m. 2? No. I got to be here at 4.30. Oh, so you leave at 11.30 at night. The night before. Yeah. You roll into work. It would take once longer than that. Oh, yeah, it would. I mean, you'd see me pushing my bike down to 805. Just cursing. Throwing stuff. With one hand. Because in the other hand, you've got all your papers. All the papers for work underneath the other hand. Laptop. Just come in here and pass out under the board with Dave Matthews. That's right. Street scene. Oh, no. People are going to be bummed. People are going to be real bummed. But we have to tell you. I know. It's a deal. Street scene, first of all, has been happening here in San Diego every summer since 1984. Wow. Yes. They did it downtown, and then they moved it to Mission Valley, then they moved it to Chula Vista, and then they brought it back downtown. So if you've been looking forward to street scene this year, you're going to be a real bummed because there is no street scene this year. Cash. Yep. No money. Got to be cash, man. Yeah, the street scene founder said, you know, I believe it's going to come back. We're going to have it again. Just this year, we can't do it. There's no money, you know. I'm just, this is all conjecture. I don't know the actual reason. But I ask myself, why do they move it? Why do they move it around? My guess is.

24:04Because the place don't want it anymore. And if I ask myself, well, how come they wouldn't want it? I don't know. 40,000 people vomiting on the street might be part of it. And last year it was all ages, though. So I think that's why they tried to limit the vomiting and stuff. I'm not saying, by the way, in my making that observation, I'm not saying, oh, it's bad. They should have it. I'm just saying if you're the downtown area that's having it or wherever. Well, they had it at Qualcomm, I think, to have it more controlled. I think so. But for whatever reason, that wasn't a blast either. For whatever reason, that didn't work out that great either. You ever been? Yeah. How was it? Many times. You know, when I used to go, I was younger. I was partying. And so it was a great time. Yeah. With good bands and stuff? Yeah, great bands. Dude, Foo Fighters played one year. Shut up. Oh, yeah, downtown. Did you go when Fergie had her accident on stage? I was not there that year, but Fergie wee-weed her pants one year. It's repugnant. On stage. Making her even more repugnant in my eyes. It's the largest and oldest annual rock music festival. You would love it. I would have a ball.

25:08Largest and oldest? Wow. Yeah, San Diego's largest and oldest. That's killer. So they'll probably do it again next year. Probably the curse of the kid moving here. That's right. The weather's gone bad, no street scene. Is he okay? That's right. Curse of the kid. Yeah, curse of the kid. Is he okay? Today, Lauren is picking the music. So Napoleon Dynamite right now. Can I tell you something? Oh, that's right. This was from Napoleon Dynamite. Bro, this was my prom song. I bet it was. 1993. What does that mean, your prom song? This was our senior theme. Oh, it was the theme? Forever Young? Forever Young. I didn't pick it. Sure you did. I didn't. You voted. Yeah, I was on the prom committee. I just voted for it. In between eating mushrooms and drinking Jack Daniels every day, I was on the prom committee. Prom King, you know it. Yeah, Prom King. Want to hear what has to happen in order for Brett Favre to put on a Vikings uniform again this year? And he says he's serious. It's real weird. It's a real weird thing. We'll tell you all about it in Woods on Sports coming up next. Welcome back. We got Lauren picking the music today. That's a good one. Elton John, Mona Lisa's and Mad Hatter's. Welcome back. 570-1949 is our phone number if you want to give us a call. Okay, I want to get right into this because it's a pretty interesting story about Brett Favre.

27:14Do a little woods on sports. Well, the Padres dropped a tough one last night to the Dodgers 4-1, but they still remain in first place. It seems like I say that every single day, man. This team has a lot of resiliency. Is that a word? Yeah, it is. Or they're very resilient. Now it's time for interleague play, man, which is always a big time of year for me. It's so much fun to see your team going to play, you know, in an American League ballpark against an American League team. Maybe this will help jumpstart their offense just a little, getting to have a DH in the lineup every day. Get Matt Stairs off the bench. He'll be DH-ing, so that'll be cool. They head to Seattle to take on the Mariners. AJ Smith and Sean Merriman's agent met for about two hours yesterday, Mike, to discuss the options for Merriman and the upcoming season. So they're going to want to find out kind of what they can do. To be a fly.

28:18Oh, I know, right? For two hours. Two hours. To hear those conversations going on. AJ said, quote, We had a meeting that was very productive and enlightening on a number of fronts. Regarding Sean, I told him we're open-minded regarding his situation. We have many other player situations to ponder in the year ahead. Wow. So, in other words, he's not saying a word. Not a word. Merriman is one of four Chargers restricted free agents who have not attended the meetings that they've had so far and is not expected to attend next week's three-day minicamp. Got to get this thing straightened out one way or the other. Yeah. Yeah, and it's going to be expensive, and I don't know that they're going to do it. I don't either. Also, an interesting story regarding Brett Favre, as we talked about. He visited his alma mater, Southern Mississippi, the other day, and he told the Golden Eagles that if they make it back to the College World Series, he'll come back for one more year. They made it last year, but they're kind of a long shot, a very small university. He hasn't spoken to Brad Childress, but they've texted, so apparently they're 15. And here's one straight out of Compton. USC could be and probably should be stripped of its national football championship by the BCS if the NCAA rules that Reggie Bush is guilty of accepting illegal benefits while playing for the Trojans. One can only dream. Yeah, I wonder if that story means anything to you, being that you are a huge Domer.

29:41Yeah, and not a criminal, so. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Really? Aren't you? Aren't I? That's Woods on sports, my mother. Woods, he's a Notre Dame fan. Yeah. Sucks to be me sometimes. Something we agree on. You like the Irish? Yeah. Yes. Oh, Mike. Yeah. We have one of our studio guests in here today. Yeah. M1S Dog. It's her little boy's. Fourth birthday, Brandon. And it's also her fifth anniversary with her husband, Chris. Wow. Congratulations. Happy birthday, Brandon. What a good anniversary present to have a baby. Yeah, it is. No, to get to come into the Mikey show. Are you kidding? But she gave birth on her anniversary. Birth smurf. 570-1949 is our number. If you want to text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. This is the president of Mexico. And he's talking about... Is that a friend of yours? Yes, obviously. Felipe Calderon, obviously, we're related. And he's talking about immigration reform. Tell me what you think about this. He's talking about immigration reform. What the Mexican police do is, of course, enforce the law, but by any means, immigration is a crime anymore in Mexico.

31:02Immigration is not a crime. It's not a crime. So in other words, if somebody sneaks in from Nicaragua. To be clear, he's saying that in Mexico, immigration is not a crime. Do you understand that? Meaning if somebody comes in illegally to Mexico. Right. Okay. Or some other country in Central America through the southern border of Mexico. They wind up in Mexico. They can go get a job. They can work. If somebody do that without permission, we stand back them. Okay, this is why this stood out to me, because I did some research on it. Please don't draw any conclusions from my observation. I'm simply making the observation, and then you figure out on your own what you think of it. Immigration's a big deal right now, okay, in the United States. Big deal. These are the laws for an illegal in Mexico.

31:59If you come in illegally to Mexico, this is what happens in Mexico to you. So like if it was me. Yep. Going through El Paso down to Mexico. Right. Or let's say that you're from Central. Let's say that you're from Central America and you come in illegally to Mexico. Okay. Lay it on me. An illegal immigrant in Mexico who sneaks into the country or fails to file his paperwork will face fines. I know. Sorry, Mike. Better file. Sorry, sorry. Better file your papers. Person who is an illegal immigrant, sneaks into the country, fails to file their proper paperwork, will face fines, jail, deportation, or a combination of all three. An illegal immigrant in Mexico who comes into Mexico, who forges his documents, falsifies them by lying, when he fills them out, will face fines, jail, deportation, or a combination of all three.

32:59Illegal immigrant to Mexico who takes a job, which is what happens here, right? That's what happens here. Faces fines, up to six years in prison, and deportation. Illegal immigrant to Mexico must provide proof of their legal status if the authorities demand it, and failure to do so will result once more in fines, jail, deportation, or a combination of the three. If I just read this and said that this was the laws here in America, people would be protesting by the time I was done. Freaking out. By the time I was done saying it. People would be freaking out. Now, I haven't really, I mean, we haven't really gone into it that much. I mean, what's going on in Arizona? We haven't really gone into it that much. But people are really flipping out about it. The only reason that I pointed out is because I think it's kind of ironic, the difference between the penalty in Mexico.

33:58And the difference between the penalties here in the United States. Penalties here is deportation. Well, and a lot of times. Right. Yeah. Deportation. Yeah. Deportation. Yeah. But I mean, what I, you know, there are people I think, I'm not 100% on this. People call us 570-1949 and let me know. But I think that you can be an illegal in the United States, get a California driver's license. How can that be? Dude, I was talking to my brother about it the other day and he says. And my brother's like super smart, like way smarter than me. He's like me. Yeah, he's like you, Woods. Yeah, right. And he says, I think you can have a California driver's license and be an illegal immigrant. He says you don't have to show proof of citizenship in order to get a driver's license. Wow. Well, how is it that they can rent homes and rent apartments and all of that? Because we know they do that. Yeah. Yeah. So. Well, that stuff can be done on the sly, but a license, you would think, legit. Yeah, that's government. And here's the thing. See, the law, the Arizona law, is that if they pull you over and they suspect that you are an illegal, they can ask you for proof of citizenship. Now, the big...

35:21Uproar is, well, that means they're going to do racial profiling. They're going to find a reason to pull you over just so that they can do this. Okay. Well, my thought on that is they could have always done that. The only difference is that they couldn't have said to you, can you show me proof of citizenship? But they could have always done that. They've probably always been doing it. I just don't know why they had to come out and say that that's what they were going to do. Yeah. I mean, you could see. a truckload of what you perceive to be illegals and be like, your registration, your taillight, you were weaving. I mean, they've probably always done it. Right. They pull over suspicious vehicles all the time. Absolutely. What do you think about it? I couldn't be more vehemently opposed to it. To the law? Yeah. I look at the spirit of the law. The spirit makes sense. But the fact that you look at somebody and go. I don't like you. I'm pulling you over. I'm taking you to jail and I'm sending you back. But you can't just do that, Woods. You have to have a reason to pull them over. Now, before you go, oh, you could do, you could just, let's think about it. Think about it, no. In reality. For sure. Okay, in reality. If I am observing Sienna driving today, forget that, you know, Sienna's a pretty white girl. Right. Let's say that she was a pretty Latina that looked like she was illegal. Okay? Okay. What does an illegal look like? I don't know.

36:44I don't know. But just something suspicious about it. I'm pretending I don't. I'm pretending I don't right now. I'm pretending even though we all do. Why did I just do that? We all do. You know what they look like? They look like people that are standing out in front of the Home Depot. I'm just saying what everybody's thinking. A lot of times the people that you see in front of Home Depot, you would think that's what an illegal looks like, okay? I'm just saying what we're all thinking. I'm saying it, by the way, as a full blooded Mexican. I got no other blood in me besides Mexican, even though I was born in the United States. So anyway, the point of it is, is that in order to pull said car over, there does have to be something about you either have to be speeding or you got to be running a red light or doing a California stop at a stop sign or you have to be doing a cigarette. How has the law changed? It's always been that way. You can. The law is now. they have to provide citizenship? Because that's always been the law. Yeah. When they pull you over, they can say, oh, by the way, I'm pulling you over for this. For speeding. But, oh, by the way, do you have proof of citizenship? When they couldn't say that. And they couldn't say that before. No. Interesting. Yeah. I don't have a... Are you sure they couldn't? I think that they...

38:03Depending on the circumstance, I think they could have said it before if it was bad. If it was something bad. Well, my thought is, let's say that they pull you. Let's say it's a cop that doesn't speak English. The cop pulls you over. He says, hey, do you know how fast you were going? And the person goes, I don't speak English. Then they say it. I mean, what would happen before all that? What would happen in California? Because this is an Arizona thing. What happens in California? Phone lines, by the way, blowing up. 570-1949 is our phone number. M1 Aaron from Oceanside. What's going on? In California, you're not allowed to give a driver's license to an illegal immigrant. Okay. In California, you're not allowed to give a license to an illegal immigrant. Okay, which must mean that you must provide proof of citizenship in order to get your driver's license. That is correct. And actually, there was a law passed back in 2003 by a senator named Gil Cedillo. And it was approved by Governor Davis. And if you guys remember, that was a big part of the recall. Yeah. Was that he had approved driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. It was then overturned after that. Okay. So that's the big issue. And actually a few weeks ago, you guys reported on a big scandal where the DMV people were illegally giving driver's licenses to illegal immigrants. Yeah, in Southern California. Yeah, it's a no-go in California. But what about a permanent resident? Someone that's not a citizen, but a permanent resident.

39:28They can get driver's license. Yeah. Okay. So if you have your proof of residency. There's a whole other process that you go through. Because I know a lot of people that aren't citizens that come from different places. Canada, England, Mexico. Yeah. And they have driver's license. Yeah. See, I want to talk to somebody from Arizona. Yeah. Because in order for Arizona to be doing it, you know. I mean, I know it's a much bigger problem in Arizona than it is here. I thought the bit was they could pull you over at any time for any reason. No. You have to have probable cause. Yeah, they cannot do that. That's what I thought the big sting was. No, no, no. They can't pull you over in Arizona because they think you look like an illegal and they want to ask. No, that's not it. Maybe I watched the news instead of the Yankees one night. No, no. Hey, listen. I think that a lot of people think that. Yeah. But they're still outraged that they can pull you over for... a reason and say to you that you look like an illegal immigrant and ask you for proof of citizenship. What about those laws that you just read from Mexico? I mean, can't they do that to us when we're driving around there? I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't need a reason to pull me over. They're going to pull me over because I'm a white girl driving around in their country. An illegal immigrant in Mexico.

40:49who takes a job in Mexico, faces fines, and up to six years in prison. I don't understand why fingers are being pointed at us when that's the rule everywhere else. In their defense, they don't see a lot of Bentleys driving through Mexico. They don't see a lot. They want to see what the inside of a Maybach looks like. M1 Big John from Chula Vista? Yes. Go ahead. Hey, I have my cousin. He got deported last week. And he was at a Circle K down in Arizona waiting for his ride to go to work. And he had a passport, but he wasn't allowed to work here. And so a couple, I guess they were police officers or something, they just walked up to him and asked him for his paperwork. And all he had was his visa, so they just threw him on and deported him. He wasn't doing anything bad. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Now let me ask you something. Was he supposed to have something in order to work? Yeah. Yeah, well, yeah, obviously he did, but I'm just saying my point was just that he didn't do anything in order for him to go ask him. They just went up ahead and did it. Okay, but here's my question. You said in the beginning of the call that he didn't have something to be able to work legally. Is that correct? Yeah, well, obviously they're not allowed to work illegal here in the first place.

42:03Was he legal or was he illegal? He's saying that his cousin was at fault because he didn't have the papers to work. But what he's trying to point out is the police just went up to him without probable cause. They just went up to him. I understand. I understand. But again, my question is, was he doing something illegal? Yes. Okay. Now. It's easy with Mikey. It's easy. I'm sorry. I know. It's easy with you. For me, it's so easy. Caught and dry. It's gotten dry. I agree with you, Mike. 100%. I mean, I kind of... What's my bit? What's my bit? You know who doesn't get arrested? People that aren't breaking the law. People that aren't here illegally. I get it. So what do you think? You're upset about that. I'm not upset. What about that situation? Dude, I'm 50-50. The guy's working. He's trying to make a living, but he's here illegally. It breaks my heart. I'm a bleeding heart. You know who I'm really upset about?

43:00You know who I'm really upset with? I'm upset with the Mexican government. How about make a country that people don't want to, you know. Leave. Leave so bad. Yeah. You know, how many times do you hear about Americans that are just, they can't wait to get across the border to Mexico. I know. Just to escape this tyranny. I know. I know. You know what I mean? It's hard, man. I'm a humanist. If I'm anything, like, I'm all about the human being and the human spirit. Yeah, but things need to be done legally. I get it. But it's not that easy for some of these people. And that's what breaks my heart, man. And that guy waiting to go to work, just leaning up against the Circle K, is now in a bus going back to Mexico. It sucks. It isn't lost on me because I wouldn't be sitting here if it weren't for an illegal immigrant that was my grandmother. Really? Yeah. I wouldn't be sitting here. She came here illegally? She came here illegally. Snuck across the border. That's why I'm here. I didn't know that. Yeah. But here's the issue with it is that it's still a law. You know, it's still a law. I get it. No, I get it. I mean, if it's black and white, if it's that easy and black and white, I get it. You're guilty. You go to jail. I guess the opposite of me saying that is me saying, no, let's have it be against the law. And you know what I mean? Let's have it be against the law, but you still do it. It's hard to say that. I wonder how difficult it is to actually just get a work permit here. Probably tough.

44:28There's different laws throughout different countries. When I went to Australia, I very easily got a work permit there, and there was Europeans there that were telling me, man, I would love to go backpack through the U.S. for six months or whatever, but... It's impossible to try to get work. For me, when I went to Spain, it was really hard for me to get all my stuff. Yeah, visa, everything took forever. I had to go to L.A., to wherever you go, the Spanish embassy. And, I mean, multiple times, trying to convince them, filling out paperwork after paperwork. Yeah, and do I look threatening? No, just filing papers that are good in the Spanish embassy? Yes, electronically. Oh, no. I was like, oh, I guess I'm ready to go. I couldn't do that. Sienna mentioned and we mentioned earlier that Suge Knight got arrested. We're going to tell you why he's been arrested when we come back. Lauren's picking the music today. Blind Boys of Alabama is the name of the artist, The Last Time. If our producer Jay was here.

46:11This would definitely be music to his ears. He loves the Beatles. Yeah, he does. Hippie. Lauren picked a little hippie. He's all my loving. I didn't know you liked the Beatles, Lauren. Dude, I put it on like every week now. Mikey Show, 94.9. I know. I know. I'm so terrible. I get so distracted. No, you don't. I kind of do. Next break, we're going to tell you about how Woodsy saved the day. All right? Sure he did. I did. Tell y'all about it. Let's see. Five people on the Mikey Show, although today Jay is gone. He's sailing with his son. It's a rough life. Yeah. Takes me away. That's right. See, I was thinking, I'm sailing. He's doing it. Genius. Hey, we got somebody on the line that says that they know about the Arizona laws. M1 get sticker maker from IB. Attaboy. Are you there? I'm here.

47:14So you're from Arizona. You know all about this, right? I'm not from Arizona. I'm from San Diego, but I lived in Arizona for years. And let me tell you something about that state. It's a state of paranoia. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Now, before you tell me anything, you know about the laws that they're talking about, right? Yes. How do you know about the laws? My friends, I have a bunch of friends out there that are DPS officers. They know all about it. Wow. Okay, what can you tell me? They racial profile everybody there. It's not just Hispanics. I mean, my first two weeks living there, I got put on file with the federal government for looking like a thug. Okay. Hang on a second. Now, if that's the case, that means that they've been doing it. It's not a new, because this law has got everybody like in an uproar. But if what you're saying is true, they've been doing that for a while. Absolutely.

48:14Okay. Absolutely. Everybody has to show residency in Arizona. Everybody has to show it. Everybody does. Yeah, just asking for a license, insurance, registration, that's all like proving that you're a resident. Okay, they do that here. What if they're not driving? If they're not driving, I wasn't driving when I got popped for looking the way I did or that law, they can't automatically come up to you if you're not driving or if you're not looking suspicious of something. What did they do to you? I walked into the air show. About five police officers pretty much just shackled me, handcuffed me, searched me, did a full background check on me. Okay, now hang on a second. Hang on, hang on. It just seems strange. You're giving me the I don't buy it face. Well, the reason I'm giving you the I don't buy it face is because it seems kind of strange that... A guy, regardless of what he looks like, let's say that the guy's wearing an orange jumpsuit. Okay? If he was wearing an orange jumpsuit, I could imagine him walking into the air show and all of a sudden five guys run up to him and instantly put him in shackles. Okay? Okay. Like leg shackles. Sure. Put his hands behind his back and handcuff him. I can maybe imagine that. But you're not buying this. But I find it very strange that a guy that just looks thuggy.

49:41walks into an air show, five police officers walk up to him, don't say anything to him, instantly put shackles on his legs and handcuff him. That seems a little strange. Do you have a joint hanging out of your mouth or something? Did you have to walk through some sort of tattoo or shirt? Did you have to walk through like a metal detector? No, we didn't have to. It was on base and everything. And I had a mohawk. I'm a corn-fed white boy. It's also the land of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, dude, sir. Are you really that surprised? I'm a little surprised that a guy walked into an air show, had a mohawk, and that five police officers, because they saw the mohawk, walked up to him, risked their careers, because this would eventually go to court and would be heard in front of a judge, risked their careers, that when the judge said, why did you walk up to him and put handcuffs on him and shackles, they said, Because he had a mohawk. What was the bit? Maybe he matched a profile of somebody they were looking for. Yeah. What did they say? Did they say anything to you, or did they just put you in handcuffs and shackles? They wouldn't let me speak. I mean, my whole family was there watching it, and they would not let me speak. They told me to close my mouth. They took my ID. They ran my full background check. It was like for 30 minutes. He hands me back my ID, and he says, stay out of trouble. You're on file with the federal government now.

50:59Weird. I'm not surprised, dude. These guys are cowboys out there. Trust me. Yeah, but why would they even put him on file with the federal government if he didn't do anything wrong? They would say, I'm so sorry we made a mistake. Because they're giant Ds. They can't just do that, though, Woods. They just did it. I don't know about that. They just did it. Woodsy. What did the guy do? He's there with his family. Hang on. He walked in, he had a mohawk, and they go, hey, look at this punk. Let's go mess with him. I couldn't get laid in high school, so I'm going to go mess with this guy. That's why I became a cop. So the cops never said why they were doing this. Just that you had a mohawk. Mohawk, and that was it. Yep. That was it. It was ridiculous. I wanted to pack up and move back to California right then and there. I have been stopped by cops who were clearly bored, and they just wanted to stop a long-haired dude who was in a wealthier part of town because I look like I was long-haired. That's Jesse. Jesse's filling in for Jay today. Go ahead. But they at least go to the trouble of making up a reason. They will tell you something. They can't just say we're... Then they ask you something. Because you got long hair. It was never because I had long hair, which I was out of place in the area, looking thuggish for where I was. But they would come up with a reason. So let me ask you again. They didn't say anything to you? They just walked up to you and they put handcuffs on you and shackles? Wait, put me against the wall? Wait, wait, wait. Again, five men walked up to you. They didn't say a word to you. They simply put you in handcuffs.

52:23And shackles. Didn't say a word. Is that correct? That is correct. Yeah. I don't believe you. I do. I don't believe that a guy walked into a place and five cops walked up without saying a word, went slap on the back, put your hands behind your back, put handcuffs on and put shackles. I don't believe it. I'm sorry. Especially because your family was there. Yeah. Listen, listen. I do believe that that would make. Kind of, it would be like Tom Bro... All right, we interrupt this broadcast to tell you about five police officers that walked up to a guy for no reason. It's not hard for them to fake probable cause. Absolutely. They can make up probable cause. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They would at least say, here's why we're stopping you. It's just because they're bored, really. It's just because they want to stop you for having a Mohawk. The hard thing to believe is that he didn't say anything. But they will make something up. They will come up with a reason, even if it's a completely cosmic debris reason. Listen. I know that at the risk of filling in some blanks, I'm going to try to fill in some blanks. My guess is it may have been one cop who walked up. Let's say he was a total jerk cop. Bored out of his mind. He just wants to harass a guy he don't like the way he looks, right? Walks up and he goes, what are you doing here? Like a total D. This is the cop, right? What are you doing here? My guess is Mohawk guy said,

53:45F you. Or, why don't you keep your eyes on your own paper? Well within his rights, too. No, we met him, right? Yeah, we did. Get a sticker maker? No, no, we met his brother. Oh, really? My guess is that in order to get more cops coming and to get handcuffs and stuff- Some resisting. You're resisting, and maybe rightfully so, you're angry, but you're reacting to the cop in a way that's going to get the cop to do something. Okay, now. When it's me, I'm just telling you from my own perspective, this is me. Yes, sir. No, sir. I've heard you. Yes, sir. No, sir. That's my bit. Okay? It keeps me from handcuffs and shackles. In general. In general.

54:30You don't have to. You don't have to do that. You don't have to. You can play a tough guy. It just seems a lot more believable that maybe one cop would do that. Like maybe he was just a jerk, you know, but for five of them to, like Mikey said, risk their career to do something like that for no reason whatsoever just because they don't like the way you look. Like that doesn't happen. That can't just go down. They could get fired. And by the way, I do think that there are cops that don't like the way you look and they want to bust you just because they don't like the way you look. Break your balls a little bit. But in order to do it. What they're counting on is for you to be an A so that they can say, you know what he did? You know what he did? Yeah. So what did you do? Crossed the line, the entry line to get in, and I was walking with my brother, and there was a stack of those cops just walking towards me, and one gets kind of in my face, and he kind of turns me around, and I'm like, what the hell? He just kind of walks me right up to the wall and cuffs me. Just, hey, come with me for a sec. No reason, but I'm just going to cuff you. Did you ever steal anything from that store before? It was an air show. It was on base. It was on base. I don't get it. They thought this guy doesn't belong on base. You weren't forcing your way past a group of cops, were you? No, absolutely not. We were dumbfounded. They went out of their way to come straight to me because of the way I looked. Did you sue them? Yeah, did you sue them?

55:55Did I what? Did you sue them? They didn't arrest him and take him away. They just messed with him for half an hour. Did you file a report? Did you do anything about it? No, my brother, my oldest brother was going to do it, but I was just like pissed off. Yeah, I would have been serious. I was serious. Yeah, so was he, and I just wanted to go. Like, I wanted to leave. Oh, Brian. They handed me back my ID, and I went on with my day. Well, what do you think? At the end of the day, I dropped him an A word or something. That a boy. Woodsy, you think... I think it's totally feasible, dude. Totally. And you believe it happened just like that? Possibly? Not possibly. See, I don't believe it. But I want to know, do you believe that... I'm saying anything's possible. Oh, yeah, I think anything's possible. Except, like, you know, like a camel flying out of my butt. That's not possible. So this would be the first time in history that a cop has ever done something that they shouldn't do. Of course not. This is five cops. Of course not. No, I believe that there are jerk cops. Sure. I believe that that exists. I think, though, that cops have to cover their own butts. Well, if they know that they're not going to do anything to him, they just want to mess with him, what's going to happen to him? Oh, these cops were mean to me. They can make something up. You can file a report that he has witnesses as well if his family was right there. And he probably should have filed a report. Yeah, yeah. But for messing with him for half an hour, are you really going to then put yourself at more risk?

57:20and really pissed these guys off. They messed with him for half an hour. He's like, fine, I'll take your crap for half an hour, and then I'll go back, you know, along with my day. Yeah. All right, bro. Well, I appreciate the phone call. Thanks. Love you guys. Thank you, man. Thank you. Yeah, you know me. I know you. And you know me. Yeah. I know you both. She's making the hearts similar with her ass. Nobody knows me. That's right. That's right. We're getting to know you, Jesse. That's right. See, and, you know, it's happened to Jesse, dude. Jesse was accosted because he had long hair. But they gave him a reason. They would at least make up something. What was the reason, Jesse? Oh, because I fit the description of a guy who blah, blah, whatever, something. Did you? Right. Did you? You fit the description of a guy that had long hair in a rich white neighborhood. That's pretty much it. Yeah. Did you answer them reasonably? Oh, I'm a civil liberties jerk to the cops. You are? I tell them where they and their rights with me. They say, can I look in your backpack? I tell them, no, there's nothing in here for you to look at. So how did you handle yourself like that? That's pretty much it. They asked you to look? Yeah, they would ask if they could look in my backpack because they were looking for a can of spray paint or whatever it was. They asked to look under my feet. They asked to do a lot of things like that, and I would tell them that I'm not doing anything illegal. See, and what's wrong with that? You have a problem with that. I don't. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

58:46I don't have a problem with somebody that knows their rights telling somebody what their rights are. And the reason that I don't have a problem with that is because he's not breaking the law. Right. Jesse's not breaking the law. Wait a minute. Did you call them an a-hole? No. Did you tell them that they can... I told them... Did you use the F word? F off or something? No, no. But if I had, that's still not probable cause. That's part of the First Amendment. Were you raising your voice? I can call them names all night long and they can't do anything to me. it will make them want to find something they can do to me. Absolutely. Right, right. And that's the deal. See, if you do, that's probably what's going to happen. Let me ask you this. Yeah. You and I are driving to the beach, okay? We get pulled over. Yeah. You're driving. Yeah. Cop goes, hey, I want to search your car. What do you say? I would ask him why. Because I want to. I have a reason to believe that you're a drug dealer. Yes, you can absolutely search. You're kidding me. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Yes, sir. You can absolutely. Search my car. You are kidding me. And, officer, is there anything that I can do to help you? No way. See, I would do that because I wouldn't be guilty of anything. That's the deal. Never. But just to have it over with, but it's not right for them to do that. Never. The trouble is, Mikey, the trouble is when you say something like that, you're giving them the power that they don't have. And that makes them get away with it one more time, which means they will try it on the next guy who, like me, isn't up to anything.

1:00:11They just want a hassle, but it becomes more accepted. Perhaps. And the more it becomes accepted, the more they're doing it. Perhaps that's true. Perhaps because I say, yes, sir, you can absolutely search my car. This guy says, aha, I've gotten over on another guy, which gives me, it emblazons me. It's an assumed authority. Hang on. It emblazons me with even more power to do this to another guy in 20 minutes. Maybe it does do that. But what I'm concerned about is my papers and taking and looking my eyes. Yes. And if I'm dealing with my papers and keeping my eye on my own papers, the way that I'm going to conduct myself is when it comes to authority. They're the authority. I'm not there. Bro. Sorry. They're a cop. I'm not. And so I go, yes or no, sir. Yes or no, sir. What that has done for me up until this point is it's kept me out of a lot of trouble. And if I don't have anything to hide, it's not kept you out of trouble. It's giving you convenience and giving trouble to other people. The only reason that I have to say, no, you can't search other than it being my right, Jesse, which I totally understand where you're coming from with that. But if I don't have anything to hide, then I'm going to say yes or no, sir. Now, I'm going to tell you something that I know about human nature. This is just human nature.

1:01:34Let's say it's a rogue cop. He's a jerk. He wants to cause some problems for me, right? Because he's in the mood to be a jerk. Maybe he just got into a fight with his wife, and maybe he didn't get any in high school. Okay, so he's just a jerk. If he comes up to me, and I roll my window down, and he says, hey, you mind if I search your car? And he's like, oh, I'm hoping this guy gives me a hard time. I want to put this guy in handcuffs so bad. And I say, yes, sir, you can. And if there's anything I can do to help you, Absolutely. Yes, sir. Human nature dictates. Usually a guy, even an a-hole, is like, I'm feeling a little satiated right now. Okay? Now, if I push him and I poke the bear, I'm probably going to get the horns. Bears don't have horns. Let's say you poke the bull. Probably going to get the horns. If a bear did have horns. Yeah. But see, dude, I am a, I'm compliant. I'm compliant. Listen, if I'm speeding and I get pulled over, it's yes, sir, no, sir. Here's my insurance, sir. Here is my license. I'm so sorry. I was in a hurry. I can be super compliant when I did something wrong. But for no reason, no chance. No freaking chance. If I get pulled over for something I've done wrong, I'm going to cooperate to get myself out of trouble. But if it's just pulled over for no reason. By the way, I don't have a problem with anybody that would say,

1:02:59If they were pulled over for no reason and they said, can I search your car? I wouldn't have a problem with somebody saying, no, sir, you can't. I wouldn't have a problem with that. I bet you would. No, no, no. Woodsy, I wouldn't. This is what I would have a problem with. Why don't you go F yourself? I got a problem. Right. But dude, you're saying. You're in your right to say that to them. I'm saying you are. I've never said that to a cop. Ever. You're within your rights. Ever. You're within your rights, but that's not a good move to make. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. You're still being a jerk by swearing at a cop. It's within your right to be a jerk, though. For sure. So next Monday, I'm driving to work. I get pulled over, and the cop goes, I want to search your car. And I say, absolutely not. And they take me in. You're going to be like, Woodsy, why didn't you do that? I'm going to be like, dude, I didn't have to. Yeah, bro. Listen. Right? Listen. You are well within your rights to do that. All I'm sharing with you is the difference between, this is what I would do, what would you do, blah, blah, blah. I'm so curious what Sienna would do. I've just been like, I mean, I... What would you do? Mom! Get this cop out of here! First of all, I would call my mom. And I'd be like, Mom, what do I do? What would you do?

1:04:03I don't know. I'm kind of in between both of you guys. I mean, the way Mikey's explaining it, it's kind of like, you know what? If the guy's a jerk and he wants to give you the horns, if you're nice, then he's going to, you know, open your back door, take one look, and he's over it. It's disarming. And you'll be free to go. So I'd probably do that just because I know the more, you know, the nicer I am, the quicker I'll be free. But also, if he's pulling me over for no reason and he's being a jerk to me. and I know I didn't do anything, there would be no sirs in there. Oh, yeah. This one here, she dropped a hammer. I don't know. Yeah. I'll rub habanero seeds in your eyes. Get away from me. I wouldn't ever swear. I'd just be like, what is this even for? What are you doing? Can I just go, please? And I think that people are well within their rights to do that. As long as you're not cursing, as long as you're not, you know what I mean? And I do mean that. Suge Knight got arrested. And I don't even know why. Weird. I'm dying to know why Sho Knight got arrested. He allegedly pointed a gun at a man in Gardena. Gardena. Gardena. Gardena. Gardena. Is it called Gardena? Gardena. I didn't see the accent over the end. Yeah. And it's in L.A. But, yeah, the cops are called. He was arrested. This happened a little after midnight on Thursday morning.

1:05:20And so he's been charged with assault with a deadly weapon involving a firearm and with driving with a suspended license. Oh, that's not good. Yeah, so he's in jail right now. He has a $60,000 bail. Nothing good ever happens after midnight, pal. Right? Is that what they say? That's what they say. Yeah, you know who said that? Chris Rock, and he's right. It's true. Nothing good happens. Nothing good. It's always true. We go to work. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, well, his bit was if you're at an ATM. At 2 o'clock in the morning? Yeah. You ain't doing anything good. You're up to no good. Unless it's getting breakfast. Mm-hmm. Okay, so tell me this. Try to tell me, if you can, try to tell me what this guy is saying. Take a listen. Have they ever gone close recently, Dean Windass? No, they haven't, John. They never went behind. Jeff, John, Steve, whatever your name is. They never went behind, Jeff. They'll pick you on. He's at the cutting edge of broadcasting. Is that from someone from Newcastle? What was that? I love it. Check it out. When we come back, I'm going to tell you what he just said. I have a transcript. No way. It was English.

1:06:44I wonder if that's someone from Newcastle. They have strange accents up there. Well, when we come back, I'm going to tell you what he said and what it was. Check it. Welcome back. It's Mikey's show. Just saw a little note written on that song from O'Brien that said, make sure you bail on that song before one minute. After a minute and 20 seconds, but I put a minute just to be safe because I was listening to it on the way in and a couple bombs dropped in there. Yeah, every week it seems like you're leaving me a little landmine.

1:07:59And I almost walk into it. But this time you gave me a warning. You said, hey, listen, I'm going to draw you a map of where the landmine is. Don't walk on it. And it worked. Good job. Getting better at this thing called radio. That's right. Okay. I had something to tell you. What was it? Okay, well, besides the... I'm going to tell you exactly what the guy was saying. You want to hear it again? Yes. What the guy was saying? Here, let's play this for you again. Here we go. Recently, yeah, Dean Windus? No, they haven't, John. Jeff, John? Best way to do this is to pause. So what you're about to hear him say is, have Everton gone close recently, Dean Windus? Wow. That's what you're about to hear. Have Everton gone close recently, yeah, Dean Windus? And what he says back is, no, they haven't, John, Jeff.

1:08:59John, Steve, whatever your name is. Is that what he says? That's what he's about to say back. No, they haven't, John. They never went behind. Jeff, John, Steve, whatever your name is. Speechless. Want to know what he's going to say next? Yeah. Yes. What he says next is, they nearly went behind Jeff. He's outraced Yalaka, and you're thinking, go on. They never went behind Jeff. They'll pick you on. Holy... He's gone around Howard, and you're thinking, go on, just tap it in with your left foot. Wow. And he drags it back, and he sends Yalaika for a pie. Howard stands up, and he tries to place it in. It hits Howard in the chest. It hits Howard in the chest. Comes back out. Comes back out. Still nil-nil. Still nil-nil. Jack. Jack. How do you like that? It's amazing. What is that? I don't even know what's going on. It's soccer. Some kind of plays in England or something. That was golf. One more time. You've got to hear the whole thing. Just one pass all the way through. Have they ever gone close recently, Yadim Windas? No, they haven't. Jeff, jump.

1:10:25Wow. That's insane. Does it say where they're from? Nope. Cleveland. Newcastle. He's a British soccer reporter. Scotland. Scotland. British soccer reporter. So I don't know. I mean, it's kind of like in the United States. You got guys from Georgia that have a real thick accent. And then you got guys from Boston, New York with a different accent. And in England, it's the same way. You've got a very sophisticated way of talking. Are you from Birmingham? From Birmingham. Right. If you're from Birmingham, it might sound like this. Oh, Manchester. Delightful.

1:11:23If you're from Essex, it's going to be a little bit squirrely, ain't it? That's right. It's going to get a little squirrely, ain't it? I love that. Yeah, I do too. Ian Longfellow. That's right. Let's see. So 5701949 is our number. You can also text 949mikey at gmail.com. Email. Where is the email? Did you get... I'm confused today because we don't have Jay in here. The email that I had. Hang on a minute. Here we go. Here we go, Dan. I got an email. I won't read it to you, and you tell me what you think. A little bit later on, we're going to be playing Would You Rather. 570-1949. There are two guys in here, by the way, graduating today, and I wanted to say congratulations to them. They go to SDSU, right?

1:12:23You guys are graduating later today. What's the plan? Are you guys leaving here and going straight to it? Will you guys be having some adult beverages today? I went to high school with one of them. You did? Yeah, I just found out. Right on. I'm older. What was your major? Was it really? What does that mean? What do you do with that? Law school? Poli-sci. You guys are going to be lawyers? Are you? Yeah, you go to law school. Both going to Cal Western? You guys single? What's the deal? There you go. Oh, by the way, somebody has an answer to it. Gianna from Rancho Bernardo, you can tell us where they were from? They're from Liverpool. How can you tell? Or did you already know? Well, I lived there for a year, and I know the accent. How did you communicate? Well, it took a while. I had to get used to it. But, yeah, you just kind of get used to it after a while. Actually, it doesn't seem like it, but you do.

1:13:24Wow, that was a hard thing to understand. Yeah, there's no way. I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you did it. Thanks for the call. Yeah. We appreciate it. So you guys want to hear about Woodsy? Oh, boy. I'm dying to hear about Woodsy. Get myself ready. Woodsy and I decide that we're going to go surfing. Sponging. Not surfing. Surfing. Finger quotes real good. You guys boogie boarded, really? Mm-hmm. Yes. Yesterday was a good day for it. Yeah. I'm boogie boarding. Every day is a good day for it. What did you guys get the boards? You buying boards? Yeah, we had to go buy them. Are you kidding me? Yeah, well, wait a minute. Hang on. What do you think? We made them? Where did you? Okay. You can rent them. Who picked them out? What? You guys didn't, like, take a flip-flop and just use your flip-flops? Yeah. Wait, is that me? No, that's Sienna. Oh, okay. What did you? How else? How do you think? Who picked them out? We did. Yeah, we met each other at Sports Authority. Like a couple lovebirds. Jamie was with us. Yeah. Should have waited. Why? You guys don't know what you're doing. What are you talking about? I know. I don't know. I don't know. Like, speak English. Yeah. How else could we do it? Cardboard. Go with maybe someone like M1 Danny, someone who knows. I did. You know what I did? I called M1 Danny, who knows all about it, and I asked. He said, get...

1:14:46You said the good names are BZ and Maury. There you go. Yeah. So we both got Maury's. Well, you guys just said that you just picked them out on your own willy-nilly. No, we didn't go willy-nilly. Danny told us what to get. Well, that's a piece of information I would have liked to have. So you know what we did? What? We go down to Sports Authority, and Woodsy and I spent 35 minutes trying to decide on a $145 boogie board or a $45 boogie board. You got to go expensive. I'm sure you both did. No, we didn't. We didn't. Oh, you guys. You just threw $45 in the toilet, basically. Did we? Okay, can I ask you guys? It's an investment. Now, let me ask you guys. Lauren, Sienna, do you guys actually, do you guys know about boogie boards or no? A little bit. Okay. What's the difference? What's the difference? Do you know the difference between the expensive one and the knife? Yes. What? What happened? The shape, the width, the lightness. The weight really matters. Yeah. Because me and Woodsy picked them both up. We picked up, and Woodsy goes like this. Woodsy picks up the $165 board, holds it in his left hand, holds the $45 board in his right, and he goes like this. He's like, I can't tell the difference. And I go, let me see. So I grabbed him, and I did it, and I'm like, I can't either. It's like the blind leading the blind. Oh, my God. This is what I'm talking about. It actually was the blind leading the blind. I can't see too. Is that Kelly Slater over there? Kelly Slater wouldn't be caught dead sponges. It kind of was the blind leading the blind. It kind of was. Was there anyone that worked there helping you? No.

1:16:14Really? You know what we're doing. We're not idiots. I'm an idiot. Wait, so how did it go? Are your butt sore? So here's what happened. So we buy our boogie boards, right? And we go have lunch. Well, I go have lunch, and Woods and his wife go down to go surf. All right, so let me give you the back story on why sponging yesterday, because I've been surfing a lot. Jamie really wanted to get in the water and was like, well... It kills me to sit on the beach and watch you out there. I was like, well, here's what we'll do. We'll go get a couple sponges and we'll just go have fun because I've boogie boarded before and I know how to do it. And I've been catching waves like a madman on my surfboard, just not really standing up all that well. Hey, Woodsy, are you saying that we got boogie boards because of Jamie? No, we also, but did I not surf after we boogie boarded? Yes, you did. I did. So I did double duty. We both wanted boogie boards. But we both wanted them. There's nothing wrong with it. No, dude, hey, I'm 35 years old. I'm 50 pounds overweight. I could give a rat's ass what some little 16-year-old thinks about how cool I look out there. I really don't care. For the record, I do. That's okay. But that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. It's all right. I could care less. But I just, for the record, want to say, I care so much what 16-year-olds are looking at me and they're like...

1:17:36Settle it on the beach, pal. Keep running mouth, okay? Oh, wow. Easy there, Johnny Utah. You can't beat up a 16-year-old. So I get down to the beach. Oh, wow. Woodsy comes up to me. He goes, we got a real story for the air tomorrow, pal. So you came after them. After, yeah. Yeah, because I went and had lunch. I had a lunch date and finished that, come out there to join them. I'm looking for Woods. I'm looking for Woodsy. He comes up to me and goes, Real story for the air tomorrow, pal. What happened? He says, Jamie and I were out there surfing. Boogie boarding. Boogie boarding. Get it right. Jamie gets separated from woods. Oh, no. And she's never done it before. Never. Okay. She ends up getting smashed against the rocks. Ooh. I know. Let me tell you what happened. So we put on all our gear, and we start going out. And I tell her.

1:18:40like as we're walking out and i'm like all right these waves are pretty gnarly and the white water will hit you and it'll knock you back i said so there's a couple ways you can do it kind of try to fight through it number one and number two turn around and like you know roll over and let the waves go over your board on a boogie board she wouldn't have to do that though but you can because i did it and it worked perfectly but so we're i'm paddling out she's behind me and i'm like cool i'm paddling out paddling out she's behind me i'm cool I go to catch a wave, and I look up, and she's nowhere to be found. And I look, and she's drifting towards these rocks. If anybody's ever been to Tamarack, there's a spillway, okay? And there's these jagged rocks that jut out from the sides. And she's, like, drifting towards rocks. And I'm like, deer, get away from the rocks. Get away from the rocks. And she looks at me. She's like, I can't. And the current is taking her over the rocks. And the next thing I know, she is being slammed into the rocks. Crazy. Crazy. So I am on my board, and I'm kicking, and I'm paddling over, and I look at her face, and it's a full-blown panic attack. Full-blown. Her eyes are as big as saucers. She wants to cry, but she can't cry. And she has a look that I have not stopped thinking about. It was the look of absolute terror. And I mean terror. And she's pinned against this rock, and then waves are coming in, and they're hitting her. And I'm like, oh, my God.

1:20:07So I paddle over and I go, take my hand. And I pull her and I grab her and I pull her into the spillway. Take my hand. I pull her into the spillway. And the waves are coming like this through the spillway. The spillway is going, I don't know, 30 miles an hour is what it feels like. Because we're getting pulled down the spillway and we're floating. And I'm like, okay, calm down, first of all. She's flipping out, flipping out. And I'm like, it's going to be okay. We're going to make it. I just don't know where this thing goes. I don't know where we're going to end up. And I go, we have to get out of this thing before we hit that bridge, which is probably 80 yards. Did you guys go where there was a lifeguard? No lifeguard. You need to be going where there was a lifeguard. There was a lifeguard deal, but there was nobody in it. Nobody in it. Now, to Woodsy's defense, there's a million surfers out there. A million people out there. People that know what they're doing. But, Lauren, they had a lifeguard stand. The guy wasn't there. I don't know where he was. Yeah, there was a stand. It's not summer yet. And I thought that the guy was there. So it's my fault. No, it's not your fault, but you need to be practicing water safety. Believe me. It makes me so nervous. I do. Lauren gets real nervous when she hears that you go surfing. Alone. It's like you've only done it like five times. There's people out there. So we're getting pulled down the spillway, and we are moving. And I mean, it's like you're in the Mississippi River, and the waves are still coming. And I'm like.

1:21:34She's looking at me and she has this look in her face like she thought she literally told me she goes, I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to get trapped and the waves were going to come and I was going to die. And so we're in the spillway and we're floating down and I grab her and I'm like, all right, before we get to that bridge, we have to get out of here. And so I'm like, paddle, paddle, paddle. And we both kind of paddle over to the rocks and the rocks have barnacles and they're like razor sharp and they're. nasty and the rocks are huge and I'm like how are we gonna do this and I don't know what I'm standing on we both have flippers on and I'm like oh my god alright we gotta get out of here so she holds the rock I throw my board up she throws her board up and I take my flippers off and I start scaling this rock and it's cutting my feet and there's barnacles and I look over at her she's got blood pouring off of her hand she's got blood pouring off her hand I get her out of the water, and she's sitting on a rock, and I'm like, just breathe. You're fine. It's going to be okay. And I look at her leg, and she has a gash in her leg like that. And it is pouring blood. Six inches. Like, it's huge. She actually took a picture of it. Maybe she'll post it. I don't know. Well, when I got there, can I tell about when I got there? Well, I was going to go there in a second. So we scale these rocks barefoot.

1:22:55like all the way back up to the beach. So then what I did is we're walking, and I got my arm around her. I'm like, it's okay. It's going to be fine. I go, let's go 100 yards down the beach. So we walk down the beach, and I go, we're going back out. No. Listen, listen. I go, hey, I go, put your stuff on right now. We're going back out. Because, Lauren, if I hadn't done that, she would have never gotten in the water again, ever. I took her out. I showed her, you know, like how to get through the waves. She did it. She caught like a six-foot wave and rode it all the way into the beach. And then she was done. And then... No, Lauren looks like she would have done the same thing. Well, then... For sure. No, but then she was mad. She's mad. She's like, no, I'm doing this. Like, she's not going to not get in the water. I'm so glad I took her back out there. Because had I not, she would have never gotten in there again. Ever. And that would have sucked for us because we really look forward to doing that stuff together. You know what happens when you bleed in the water? I know. I know. And she knew that. I know. You get infections when you get...

1:23:53dirty salt water in an open room. See, Jay always told me to rinse it in the salt water. No, salt water cures everything. No, not dirty salt water. So my dad says. Yeah, I told her, I said, listen, you might want to get home and scrub that thing out because there's bacteria in that water. Neosporin in that bad boy. Yeah. Rub some dirt in it, right? But dude, like I said, I laid in bed last night and I was thinking about that look in my wife's face. And I never, ever want to see that look again. I never want to. Well, when I got there. Woodsy tells me this. So we walk up. Her legs, I go, oh my gosh. She got hammered in those rocks. It was crazy. Hammered. And those waves, it was literally like, you know, when you go out 10 feet and a wave pushes you back, you go back 10 feet and to the left. And then you go back to the left. The rip current. And it was just pulling her. And she could not. We tried to paddle out of the spillway. There was no way. You've got to go with the rip current. There was no way. You just let it take you. Well, it did take her, and it took her into the rocks, and she slammed into the rocks, and she's like, I can't get out of here. So that's when I was like, take my hand, and I pulled her out. And, dude. This is why you get lessons sometimes from professionals that will teach you. Your wife should have gotten lessons. I've told him that a million times. This is why I sit in the nude and go on my laptop. I don't blame you, Mike.

1:25:14I do. I'm just saying you got to crawl before you can walk because you're putting yourself and everybody else at risk. I'm afraid one day we're going to get a call. He's not coming in tomorrow. Guess what? The rip current took him to Hawaii. I know what I'm doing. I go two days, three days a week. We had fun though once me and you went out there. Lauren, when do I not need my training wheel? I go more than anybody on this show. You need to go with somebody that knows what they're doing. I have. I have 15 times. No, I've been with Jay a bunch. I've been with Winder a bunch. I've been with Danny and Winder. M1 Erroneous from Carlsbad. Are you there? Yeah, this is Erroneous. Erroneous. You can tell me the difference in the boogie boards, right? Yes, I can. So what is it? It's the type of materials they use. Some of the materials are more extensive than what it is. They put it in the rails of the surfboard, and sometimes inside the surfboard, it's a stringer, which makes the board a little bit more rigid. So when you're riding the wave and your body's pushing against the board, it stays stiffer, which gives you a better line down the wave and more speed, and you can turn easier. But they're talking about, do they have stringers in boogie boards? Sometimes they do. Sometimes they put a fiberglass stringer in there inside the foam. What's a stringer?

1:26:33For fat guys that just go nude on their laptop, what's a stringer? Well, actually, it's really good for somebody that's a fat guy because the more weight you have dropping in on that sponge, it's going to bend. You're going to crease it. It's going to flex, and you lose your speed. You're going to crease it real good. Yeah. Things are more expensive for a reason, you guys. I actually thought that, and I'm sitting there, and I'm like, Woodsy saw me debate myself for an hour. Yeah. Especially if it's something that you think you guys are going to start doing regularly. It's an investment. Here's what Danny said. Danny said that he uses one that's real expensive. It's like $250. Is it custom made? I bet it's custom made. I don't know. But he said, and I asked him, I said, well, what's the deal? He said, well, mine's really durable. He said, if you get a cheap one, it's only going to last you about a year. Now, in my head, I'm like, how often am I actually going to get out there and do this? I'm like, it's probably perfect for me. That means it'll last me 50 years. If it'll last the average boogie boarder a year, it'll last me 50. No, it'll erode even if you don't take it out. It will? It'll rot. I'm sure I can take it back all muddy and full of sand and water and dents and all that. Give it to Jake.

1:27:48Yeah, maybe I give it to Jake. You can play with it in the pool. Yeah, when we went there to... Flood on it. When we went to the Sports Authority yesterday, they had the wetsuits for the little kids. And I was like, oh, that's where I should have got my wetsuit. Yeah. But then... It would have probably worked out better. Cubby came, and we went out, and dude was money. Caught a wave, and I heard him go, whoo! Yeah. I did. Nice. I did. That's what I saw about. I screeched like a little kid. And I walked up onto the sand, okay, in my portly little outfit, my little wetsuit, with my little boogie board. And I watched all the judging eyes of the fully ripped 16 and 17-year-old six-pack abs. And I felt like a 40-year-old woman looking at a 21-year-old girl. I was like, really? With you? With the abs? Is that right? That right, Captain Abs? Yeah. Lauren's picking the music today. Neil Young. Love Neil Young. Everybody knows this is nowhere. Do you know there's some ways that you can use to predict a divorce? Tell you all about it. Plus, we have an article. If Lauren wasn't wound up, we have an article that'll kind of get her there. It's from the 50s.

1:29:18I think I'm going to have Woods read it, too. It'll make her even more mad. Absolutely. Article from the 50s. I'm leaving. She hates me. I don't hate you. I'm worried about you. Tell me where you're on this, Lauren. Tell me where you're on this. It's an article from the 50s that tells you how to be a proper woman and wife. See you later. Oh, no. I think about back home. I wish it I could be. I wish it I could be. I wish it I could be. Mikey's show is. Five people, one of those people, is on a sailboat with his little boy right now. That's awesome. On his way to Catalina. Never been to Catalina. I heard a lot about it. They have the Catalina wine mixer there. He has no idea what that means. Stepbrothers. I didn't hear what you said. I bet the Catalina what? They have the Catalina wine mixer there. It's from a movie.

1:30:24That everyone in the world has seen but you. Everybody laughed at that. Everybody laughed. The stepbrothers. It's a Catalina wine mixer, bro. Of course it is. Of course it is. He's like, kill me. Is that the one where Michael Shannon introduced someone with a little stuccus on his pan? No, that was different. That was the... Saratoga Winery. Oh, okay. That's what I thought. Yeah, Saratoga Winery. I would give you anything, anything to be in the audience that day. To see me introduce Judy Collins? Yes. With a glass of Riesling in my hand. I'm like, who is this clown that just peed his pants? Let me tell you. Let me tell you who the audience was that day. Guys with sweater arms tied around their neck. Oh, yeah. You know, the sweater coming over the... Preppies. Yeah. Because they couldn't figure out how to put their arms through her? No, no, they have a sweater on, but then another one on top. That's right. Oh, yeah, with a popped collar underneath. That's who was there. And I got up to introduce Judy Collins. Bring in the clowns. Bring in the clowns. Perfect. It was perfect because one was out on stage introducing her. With his benders and a beret on. I love the picture with a beret. I didn't have a beret on. Didn't you? No, I didn't. Didn't you?

1:31:43I looked like Rerun, but I didn't have the beret on. It didn't help that you walked out to that. Here he comes from 98.7 K-Wave. It's Michael Shannon. Hi. Hi. Try to ignore the fact that I just tinkled on my pants. I did. A mistake. Had to walk out on stage like that. Hi. Welcome to the Saratoga Mountain Winery. And now, Judy Collins. Wow, Mike. That's how it went down. You have so many good, embarrassing stories. It's the best. It's the best. And then you heard... Then you heard this. So, okay. We got a doozy. We got a doozy for you. First...

1:32:55Really quickly. How do you, what are some of the ways that you can predict a divorce, Sienna? Well, if you are a married American and your marriage is between 40 and 50, oh, then your marriage is between 40 and 50% likely to end in divorce. Yes. If you're a married American. Yeah, we know that. Here in California, it's exactly 50%. If you live in a red state, which is where usually the guys marry younger. you're 27% more likely to get a divorce. Uh-huh. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30% more likely to end in divorce. Oh. That's probably the number one thing people argue about. Oh, yeah. No? If your parents were divorced, you're at least 40% more likely to get divorced. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you're 75% to 91% more likely to get divorced. Really? Yeah, if only one of them is a smoker. She goes, She gave me the look. She gave me the look. I want him to stop. I'm like other mother over here. Stop soaking woods. Don't surf with other lifeguard woods. I told you not to do that. You're going to kill somebody. Or yourself. Or yourself. Or your wife. Why did you go back in the water? There's a bacteria in there.

1:34:25You're so funny. You could have got an infection. Sounds like you're going to vomit. All right, L.O.B., now it's your turn. You ready? Yes! My turn to get filleted or something? Not your turn to get filleted, but we're going to hear what you think. I only say that because out of everybody, I'd say that you are the biggest into I am woman, hear me roar. I wish we had that music. I know it. Okay, so this is from the 1950s. It's from a home ec class. Oh, wow. In the 1950s. And these were some tips that they had for a congenial home. Okay? Back in the 1950s. Oh, wow. If you were a wife, this is what you should know about what should be expected. I just looked over at Ella B, and she's looking at me like, yeah, go ahead.

1:35:25Fire away, clown. Let's hear him. You might as well be a punching bag. I know it. I know it. He didn't write it. Just remember. It says, have dinner ready. It says, plan ahead even the night before. To have a delicious meal on time. Even the night before. Yeah, have the recipes all laid out and ready to go. Well, when you go to the grocery store, I mean, I plan for the week on dinner. It said this is a way of letting him know that you've been thinking about him and you're concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and the prospects of a good meal are a part of the warm welcome needed. Now, I don't know. Maybe we don't necessarily have too much of a problem with that one. Yes? No? I think... If you're going to apply it to the 1950s, where it was less likely that a woman would have a job unless she was like a secretary. It was like secretary, teacher, nurse. Flight attendant. Yeah, those were like, I don't know about flight attendant yet. That was like the 60s or 70s. Well, they get better. Yeah, I bet. Prepare yourself, it says. Wow. Uh-oh.

1:36:26Take 15 minutes to rest so that you look refreshed when he arrives. To rest? Hey, all the stuff you have to do all day for your man, make sure to get yourself a nice, fresh 15 minutes. No, they mean, like, take a few minutes to, like, you know, make sure you're looking okay. Uh-uh, Sienna. Time it. Rest. 15 minutes. Is that 15 minutes up? Yep. Back to work. Back to work. Oh, my God. Excuse me, Sienna. It's 4.45. It's been about 17 minutes. A little suspicious. I think it's more ridiculous to expect us to want to look all good for when they get home. I look awful when Todd gets home. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup. Put a ribbon in your hair. And be fresh looking. He has just, this is what it's now. Again, L.O.B., before you kill me, this is a real document from the 1950s. See, I like the part about looking fresh. Read the next part. It says, he has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Wow.

1:37:53You might try being interesting. Wow. You might try being a little bit more interesting and a little more gay. I'll work on that. All right, next. I like it. Sienna didn't have problems. I don't really have a problem with that one, no. I don't have a problem with freshening. I always do that. Oh, it gets better. I like that. I like that. I like that you guys are like, hey, you know what? It's kind of nice, right? Okay. Jamie, I'm going to need you to look real fresh when I get hungry. No, I look awful. Well, take 15 minutes, Jamie. Honey, take 15 minutes. Patch up that leg, and I'm going to be awesome. Yeah, get those cuts all closed up. I mean, after all, Woods has been with some work-weary people today. Yeah, he's been looking at me and Tiana all day. Yeah, I really don't want to come home and see that. Yeah, so take 15 minutes to freshen up. Number three, clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives and gather up the school books and the toys and the papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it'll give you a lift, too. See... I actually don't have a problem with that. Okay, maybe not the dust cloth part, but before...

1:39:10Like, if you're home, I feel like this should apply to either one. Sure. If you've been home and that person's coming home from, now we have both. Hey, if I were a stay-at-home husband, right? Right. It would make sense. My wife's coming home. Maybe I'd pick up a little bit. Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces. And if they're small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. Comb their hair. They are little treasures, and he would like to see them playing the part. Wow. Really? Yeah. I think it's cute if a kid has, like, a little... Otter pop sauce. Yeah. It's cute. So far, I don't have any problem with this. Okay. It's not too bad, no. So when you come home, your kids are little treasures. It would be great. You want them fresh? If I came home, kids look all great. Ah, job well done. That looks nice. Well, it's living in a fantasy world. Kids stay clean for, like, five seconds. Next. Number five, minimize the noise. Keep it down. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Oh, yeah, right. Big one in my house. Big one. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding. When I get home from work, I want to take a little nappy. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see your husband when he gets home. Greet him with a warm smile.

1:40:26I like it. See, my mom did these things. When you get home from work, it's like noon. I know. I need a nap. When do you expect her to do the wash? Does she do the wash or do you? She does. Exactly. When do you expect her to do it? That's the middle of the day. From 3 a.m. to 12 noon. Oh, my gosh. Nine hours. She has a life, too. Wash away, kid. Again, you're listening to a document from the 1950s from Home Economics about how a woman would make a good wife. Some of the don'ts, Lauren O'Brien. Don't do this. I'll be on all this. Don't greet him with problems or complaints. We don't want to hear it. We don't want to hear it. I agree with that. Really? That shocks me. If you had a husband, you wouldn't go home and be like, you should have heard once today. He's such a jerk. No. There's actually a Sex and the City episode where Carrie, the woman, comes home and she's got Aiden and he's like, where you been? Who you seen? Blah, blah, blah. And she's like, I need one hour. And I need like solitude. That's how I am. I come home and I'm like, yeah, leave me be. Yes. Well, the guys usually are coming home and they're stuck in traffic and they're going to be miserable. So that's why I agree with just put on a happy face for then, you know, so then they're like, take 15 minutes. They're a little bit more pleasant when they walk through the door. By the way, I'm reading all these. I don't have a problem.

1:41:45with one of them. What about the kids' faces? I love it. He wants it fresh and clean. Listen, I think it's a good... All of these, I think, are good ideas. I don't have a problem with any of these. I mean, none of them are saying... You know what? Get down on your hands and knees and bow. I'm not seeing any crazy thing. I mean, clean your kid's face. What's the problem? I don't like some of the subtext of them. The, like, he's had a long day. Yeah, he does. He's had a long day. So you make it right. You guys are bringing home the bacon real good. But what if it was... She's taking care of the kids, all right? I think I would be fine with this, though, if it were the other way around. If the husband's at home working and the wife's, you know... I mean, if the husband's at home and the wife's working, I wouldn't have a problem with that. You would freshen up, Mike? Hey, clean the kitchen. You know what? Do a little manscaping? Yeah, do a little manscaping. Yeah, you know, throw on a little cologne, you know. Do my hair up real nice. Do it on a ribbon? Yeah, I would expect that. Put a ribbon in your head? Yeah. Number seven, make him comfortable. All right, I'm out of here. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow.

1:42:53Offer to take off his shoes. Oh, oh, oh, wait, Lauren, this one's important. Are you ready? Speak in a low, soft, sweet, pleasant voice. Oh, gosh. Allow him to relax and unwind. Really? What do you think? Take off his shoes. Yeah, right. Are you kidding me? I mean, it is a little subservient. That one's a little subservient. Wait, what does it say? A cool or a warm? Cool or warm. So scotch on the rocks or a nice hot tea? Anything but a hot tea? A hot buttered rum. Yeah, maybe a hot buttered rum? No, it says cool or warm. Cool or warm. Yeah, so if it's cool, make me a Shirley Templer or Roy Rogers. How about a rusty nail? Yes, can you make me a rusty nail or scotch old-fashioned? I usually give Todd a beer when he gets home. That's fine. He loves it. If you're going to make a scotch old-fashioned, just make sure that... you do, use a real mortar and pestle so that you can grind. Yeah, it's a muddler. So you can muddle down the mint Jubilee. The cherry and the orange. That's right. What's the next one? Number eight, listen to him. Yeah. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival, L.O.B., is not the time. Let him talk first. She's shooting daggers. Daggers.

1:44:19What do you think of that one, Lauren? She's giving me the, really? He walks in and he's just like, I want to talk first. It's my turn. Don't talk. It's the right music for this. Let's give this a second. I'm burning my bra right now. That's right. Number nine. Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax. It's very important. Now, this is the first one that I genuinely go, that's wrong. This is the first one? It's the first one. What about the shoe taking off? That shoe taking off is too much. Well, we did that for Mike here, though. Yeah. My robes. My robes. Give him a nice massage.

1:45:28Let's see. Last one. You ready? Yes. The goal. Okay. The goal. Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax. That's the one that you don't agree with? No, no, no. I don't agree with the don't complain if he doesn't take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment. I believe that it is a guy's job. Our numero uno job as a guy and a husband is to love you like crazy. And that means kind gestures. It means acts of service, like taking you out to dinner. Like saving your life. Things like that, you mean? For example. For example. Really? Saving your life. See, that last one. Excuse me. If you would have taken out, make it a place of.

1:46:30Like, relaxation. If you would have taken out the part, your husband, I agree with that. Your house should be your haven. Right. Regardless. For yourself. Whether it's your husband or your wife or whatever, right? Yeah. Hey, listen. Like I said, if this is a stay-at-home dad, I'm fine with this list. You know, I think that this list applies to whoever's at home. I don't like the verbiage of it. Some of it. Yeah, I don't like the taking the shoes off and the speaking. That's a little goofy. I couldn't imagine if I went home and laid down and my wife was like, come here, honey, let me get your shoes. Let me get your pipe for you, too. I would feel weird. My mom used to do stuff like, maybe not the shoes, but it was like, okay, dad's coming home, everyone quiet, and she'd bring his food over to the table. He would sit and wait for it. She'd bring his food. Dude, L.O.B.'s husband is going to have, come home. She's going to have a little Roy Rogers ready for that guy. A little drink. Yeah, it's a drink. You don't know what a Roy Rogers is. It's the pato in there. I thought it was a chicken restaurant. It was. It was a drink and an actor. Listen to this. M1 Sooners fan from Lakeside. Oh, this would be a checklist for any good marriage. I love it. Well, LLB's eyes just got as round as saucers.

1:47:50I mean, if it's a professional situation where you're both working, obviously it's not a play. But if you're a stay-at-home wife like mine, then this should be something that you put on the refrigerator and make sure there's a check next to every day. Do you have kids? I have three. And does your wife take care of your kids? She does. Have you ever changed your kids when they spill on their clothes? Absolutely. This list doesn't mean that I'm a bad parent. I'm not saying that. Old-style beliefs maybe, but. Yeah, I help. I don't just come in and sit down. I, you know, I'll yell at who needs to yell that or whatever. Hey, listen. We live now in a culture where Lady Gaga breaks out sex toys on stage. Yeah. So when we say that, it's the craziest thing in the world. 1950s, you ask my parents. My parents were like, well, duh. Yeah, what's the problem? Yeah, duh. You know, that's the way it was, you know? Now, I don't necessarily see anything in it that's like, evil, bad, you know, whatever. Only part I didn't like was this whole bit about not doing for your wife. I mean, I remember somebody said to me one time, as a husband, he says, I am the person. How did he put it? It was so brilliant the way he said it. He goes, as the husband.

1:49:11I'm the head of the house. And you know what that means? It means that I'm the head guy that says he's sorry first. I'm the head guy that takes the brunt of it first. I'm the head guy that puts her before me first. I'm the head. And I loved that. That's pretty rad. I thought that was so cool. Like, Lauren didn't like it. She didn't say anything. I thought she gave the look. I don't know. She gave the look. I don't know. I mean. Hey, listen, you guys know how I roll. I kind of liked it. I mean, and I do believe that we also now, there are times where guys, they stay home. They're doing the stuff at home. Okay, that's fine. And if they did all this stuff, I wouldn't have a problem. Woods is like, you can't stand that. If the roles were reversed, right? No, dude, I mean, I don't know a whole lot of stay-at-home dads, really. I mean, I don't know that I've ever met one. Really? To be honest with you. Yeah, I've met them. I have, yeah. I've met them. I haven't. I think some of it is realistic. Some of it is just ridiculous. Really? The hot, cool drink, the shoes taking off. But there's nothing wrong with that, is there? Put it as a woman. The woman's working. Let's say you're working. I would go out to the garage and get my dad a beer. But let's say you're working, LOB, and let's say that I'm your husband. If you come home and I got a nice, whatever your favorite drink is, and I, as your husband, got a nice drink. I got a kombucha all ready to go for you on the rocks.

1:50:34Wouldn't you love it? Yes. Yes, you would. But I wouldn't expect it. No, no, no. And I certainly wouldn't expect it every day. No, you don't have to expect it, but it'd be nice. Peter Gabriel, because Lauren is picking the music today and she's holding a boombox right now. Say never. How come Susanna was walking around in the hallways with a big bandage on her arm? Oh, I don't know. She has a big bandage on her arm? Yeah, she's got a big white. She's like taped up. Yeah, she's like taped up or something. Susanna from our accounting department. We'll find out. Skinwear Supreme. That's right. I love this song. Love it. Paul Simon, late in the evening. And L.O.B. picking the music today. Let's see. What do you think about, what do you think that married women want more than sex? Chocolate.

1:52:44Is this from a study? Money. Yeah, a study by iVillage. Money. Chocolate money is good guesses. Love. Love. Intimacy. Intimacy. Whatever the hell that is. Communication. Honesty. I know. Time. Just want your time. Time. Respect. Respect. There are three things that were listed on here. Really? And you guys haven't guessed any of them. Really? Shut it. What did you say? Video game system, clearly. Video game system. They would rather have these three things than to have sex with their husband. And where did this come from? iVillage. iVillage? Mm-hmm. What is that? Was that like an optician? I don't know. They studied 2,000 American wives between the ages of 18 and 49, and they found out that 63% of them would rather sleep, watch a movie, or read than have sex with their husbands. 63%. Sleep? Is that funny? Yeah. Watch a movie. Or read. Wow. I'm not married, so it's funny. That means, you know what that means? What? It means it's because we're, like, busy. The reason I think they say this is because we're, like, women and men are so busy in our lives that they're like, I'd rather just sleep. Yeah. I'm listening to a book on tape, weird. Weird. Called Crazy Busy. Yeah. And he actually suggests scheduling lovemaking. Oh, my God.

1:54:07Really? And he says, well, he's a doctor. He says to my clients that say, that's ridiculous. What's romantic about that? They're like, well, how romantic is the way it's going now if you're not having it at all? Right. So schedule it. Builds up the anticipation. That's weird. I know. That's so weird. Like, I'm going home at 4.15 today. Can I see you at 3 o'clock for some lovemaking? But still, if it's going to happen on Thursday, by Tuesday, you'd be like. I'm going to see you Thursday. See you on Thursday. Better not have a headache. That's weird. So weird, dude. Who do you think would be more out on that? A man or a woman? A man. A man, I would think. A man doesn't like to be told what to do. No, but I think a man would be stoked that they would know it's coming for sure, you know? At least it's a sure thing. I'm getting it Thursday. It's happening. Really? And it's about it. If you're not having time for it, if it's a problem, try the scheduling. You know what? See, okay, devil's advocate, you know why I think a woman would be more out on it? Because a woman doesn't just like to do it. No. It's a whole process. Yeah, they want the, you know. But maybe if they know it's coming, they could be like, you knew this was coming. We're not just going to do it. I think a man might not be able to play his best game if he knew it was coming, to be honest with you. Well, a lady.

1:55:26It might make a lady more like frisky if she was like, oh, Thursday night. I got to get primped and prepped. She has time to get ready. Oh, really? To get the mood right, be looking good. Yeah. Smelling good. How uncomfortable, though, to think like it's Thursday and you're like, well, it's 10 to 7. You know, should we wait or we wait or, yeah. Well, it's a suggestion. Because it's not 7 yet. What do we do? I read an article. I read an article once about a couple that decided. They were going to have sex every day for a year. Did you see that? Yeah. And? I believe. And that's insane. Oh, I was going to say, what happened? I think it went well, didn't it? Did it go well? No. What I remember was that they said that it became a chore. Yeah. Pretty monotonous. It became work. Yeah. Because they set out to do it, and they had to. Every day. They couldn't ruin the experiment. Look at this one. Other mother. Oh, yeah. Please. I think it would be uncomfortable for people. You want to hear one more thing that's going to bum you out? What? 62% of married women said that they fantasize about having sex with someone other than their husband. Do you think that that's a... Woods don't even. Yeah, but guys think that their wives don't. What?

1:56:50Of course she does. She'd have to. You were going to say something about the percentage of men, and you know it. What? What do you think the percentage would be of men? 100%. Four? Yeah. 100. 99.9. I'd say it would be 1.4. Yeah, 1.4. 1.4. Men don't do that. Sure they don't. M1, Nora from National City. Yes. I heard last night on a documentary that I was watching on TV that a woman's sexual peak is around 4.15 daytime. Now, how do they know? Probably surveys. They're like, how horny are you now? Wait one minute. How horny are you now? Well, no, they probably just ask on average, you know, when is the time that you're like, maybe journals. Men write in the morning. Yeah. First thing in the morning. And the rest of the day as well. Did you have to pipe on me, Woods, when you said it like the first thing in the morning? What about a little afternoon delight? That's right. Skyrocketing the light. Thank you, Nora. That's snappy time. M1 John from Carlsbad. Are you there? Yeah. You went to a conference that talked about it? I went through my church and they always do conferences and workshops and stuff like that.

1:58:10And my wife and I have gone, and they actually mentioned that whole scheduling thing just because, just like the norm is, you know, both husband and wife work now. So it gets so busy. And it's not like for sure, like the guy said, like 4.15, we're having sex, and there's no discussion about it. It's just more scheduling, you know, like an intimate time, like for sure. Okay, you know what? We looked at our schedule for sure. Wednesday night is our only night. Wow. We're a busy society. We are busy. If we're doing that, we're busy. Exactly. But maybe if you schedule it enough, what do they say after like 21 days becomes a habit? What's that saying? Yeah. After 21 days it becomes a habit. Yeah, I think the saying is after 21 days it becomes a habit. I didn't know if I had the number right. If it was like 27. Three weeks. Yeah, so anyway, if you schedule enough, maybe then it just becomes like, oh, we just know it's coming. Really? I don't know. God, that would be such a bummer to have to do. I want to talk to one couple.

1:59:08Right now. 5701949. Does it? That schedules it. Oh, please call. Doesn't he? I guarantee you. Some people do. No, he said that he went to a conference that that's what they taught through his church, but I just wonder if there's anybody that actually puts that into practice because it seems so unromantic. I think, like, it would be that you'd be at work and you'd be like, get some tonight. Maybe you would but wouldn't you also be like imagine the first time that you scheduled it? Creeper. Yeah Nice to see you. Shall we retire to the boudoir? What do you do like you stand there stand there with your arms to your side? You schedule things around it like okay We're gonna have dinner that night and then maybe we're gonna have a little wine and then we're gonna Honky-tonky. Whatever you want to call it. Here's how it's going to go. Here's how it's going to go. At 6 p.m., we'll kiss on the lips. Yes. No. At 6.01, I'll place my right hand on your shoulder. On your breast. On your breast. Creeper. No. Under your shirt. No. Creepy. It's just the whole thing is. I don't know, man. And guess what? Our phone lines are beginning to ring. Weird. With people that schedule their lovemaking. Get it.

2:00:23So we're going to find out about it. First he has to screen him because we don't want to get the drunk guy calling you. I do it, dude. Yeah, man. Yeah, I schedule it for 9.05, 9.10, and 9.15. Every day. Every single day, dude. Schedule it right up. Schedule it real good. Yeah. I schedule it for right now, dude. What do you think I'm doing right now? I think I'm calling you from the schedule phone. There's nobody else here. But I'm calling. Hello. I'm scheduling you, Mikey. On the phone with you right now. Christine schedules. Let's see. Christine, are you there? Christine from La Jolla. It's Kristen? Yes. Kristen, you're a scheduler? Listen. Yeah, listen to me, buddy. Why do you schedule? Well, we don't live with my boyfriend. We're both really, really busy. So he calls it, when are we going to have sexy time? When are we going to have sexy time? Do you pencil it on your calendar that way? You like sexy time. Yeah. I want to hear about the very first time you did it. The very first time you scheduled it. You scheduled it. Actually, I want to hear about your very first time. Yeah, when you first scheduled it, how did it come about and how did that happen? Was it awkward? Well, we've been together for about six years and it happened about like in the third year.

2:01:48he was kind of like like we haven't you know we haven't been a long time he said well why don't we do it to sunday it was like monday and i was like okay it was monday it was monday she's like i've got six days before i have to slay this clown kind of from the excitement of it because it's like when you know when it's coming yeah does it build up any anticipation though like do you get excited like it's friday Is it like that? It's like a dentist appointment, dude. It is. You're like, oh, man. Do you wait in the lobby? It's on the schedule. Do you sit on the couch in the living room and wait until they... Christine. Come on in. Is Christine here? Kristen. Kristen here, please. I'll tell you this. The first time it was like, hey, it was Sunday. It was like, well, do you want to do it now? Oh, no. Oh, my God. Kristen, did you get yourself all primmed and prepped and everything? Yeah. Of course, like, you're going to wear kind of like a little more sexy underwear, you know, lingerie when you know it's going to happen. Like, yeah, of course. How awkward. She said that they were... But Kristen, you said that you guys were both like, so... Your move or mine? Should we? I was. I was more awkward than anything. I was like, do you want to do it now? Should we just get this over with now? Yeah, should we just get this over with? You're like, she gives him the, you know what?

2:03:07I've got to go to Vaughn's by 2 o'clock. I'm just saying. I have to go to Vaughn's. We've got like 35 minutes, so let's make it right. He's like, oh, wait, wait, wait. I have to go to the UPS store, too. Do you need anything mailed? Do you have to have anything mailed? I'm uncomfortable. Kristen? Yeah? You've been together with them six years? Yeah, I don't recommend scheduling sex. I think it's kind of boring, honestly. Why hasn't he asked you to marry him yet? Oh, what? Oh, no. I was going to ask. That's a bigger question I think that everybody wants to know is, what's this guy waiting for? Yeah, Kristen, how old are you? I am 29. And how old is your boyfriend? He's 34. And why has he not asked you to marry him? Maybe they don't want to, you guys. It's just a question. It's a question. Kristen? I'm waiting. I don't know why. You're waiting? Yeah. What do you mean? I'm waiting for him to ask me, but he hasn't asked me, so. M1, what's his name? Do you ever throw out the subtle hints? Yeah. We've done a look at rings. I kind of, like, show them magazines, and I talk about it all the time. Why buy the cow if you get the milk for Brie? Yeah, but you said you don't live with him? No, we lived together, and then I moved out.

2:04:27And we're still dating. Kristen, let me ask you this. Uh-huh. And I want you to answer me as well as you can. Okay. How do you respond to why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? I feel like in this dating age, I mean, it's not like it used to be. Marriage is a little bit harder to get that person to the altar than it was before. But isn't... But isn't... But isn't his behavior doing something otherwise? Is it not? No, Sienna, it's not, right? I know. I mean, you got to lay down the law, Kristen. That's what you got to do. You got to lay down the law. Six years is a long time. I see an ultimatum, you think? No. No, no ultimatum. Yes! No! No ultimatum. Mikey! Don't back somebody into a corner. You want him running for the hills? Dude!

2:05:26I say absolutely. You better marry me or else. Yeah, that works. Yeah, you know what happens if I'm that guy? Cool. See you later. Okay. Okay, bye. No, you would not. A hundred. Listen. Listen. Now, unless I understand an ultimatum to be incorrect, maybe I don't know what an ultimatum is, but do I believe that you should say to this guy, hey, we're not married, and I would like to get married, and we're not getting married, and so... I'm out. Hit the road buzzard. Hit the road buzzard. If that happened, not only would she be well within her right, I think that dude right now is like, listen, I'm basically married. I live with her. I'm having sex with her. You know what I mean? You guys don't live together? They did, and then she moved out. Wait, why did you move out? Prove a point, right? She's like, why the hell did I call the Mikey show? This is Power Hour with Kristen. Kristen, I love this. This is my favorite stuff to talk about. Well, listen, not to delve too much into your personal light, too late. But I think that the cow and the milk thing, it's for real. If a guy is dating a girl and they're having sex, he's basically living with her as man and wife.

2:06:51And so he's like, what's the relationship? Listen, my wife said to me, I'm not getting any older. I'm not getting any younger. And I was like Woods and I kind of was like, and then I thought about it. And all I did was I considered life without her. She didn't even have to do it. She didn't even have to follow through. All I did was consider life without her, and I was like, I'm going to a jewelry store this weekend. Well, that's not an ultimatum. I think she's within her rights, when I put that in quotes, because you just said it, to say to him, look, I want to get married. If you don't have those intentions, then I'm going to start thinking about hitting the road. Listen, it's got to be now or never. An ultimatum is you have one or the other, and you've got to decide. Right now. I used to try to drop the bomb on Ultimatums on Jamie. It doesn't work. Can you picture your life without him? No. Yeah, and that's not the question. The question is to him. Can he picture his life without her? It's clear what she wants. She wants to get married. It's about what she wants, too. She's already said she wants to get married.

2:08:14To him. Yeah. In particular. Yeah, she wants to marry him. That's what she needs to think about. Hey, listen. You know me. Honesty is the best policy. You sound like a little angel. I think he needs to pop the question. She lives in my hood. Yeah. We should hang out sometime. Yeah. Now. Let's go to Yum Yum Donuts. They don't have them in La Jolla. Oh, yeah. Let me ask you this. How well or how much do you think that guys are motivated by sex, Woodsy? In what? Just in general. Hold on. In what sense? In what sense? Like, am I motivated by sex now at 34 and married? Not as much as I was when I was 19 or 20. What if you were 34 and unmarried? Would you want to have some sex? I mean, no way. I don't believe you would. Of course he would, but not as bad as when he was 19 and 20. That's all he cared about. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You believe. He doesn't seem to really, you know. Sex doesn't really seem as much of a motivation as it was in the very beginning of the relationship. Sex is a motivation. It's not. I don't think it is. But that's what happens. She's right. It fades after a little bit of time. Yeah. Maybe it does if you've been having it the whole time. But what about this? You meet some girl. You're crazy about her. And you wait. And she's making you wait. Oh, boy. Oh, I'm motivated like a crazy person. Too late, though. I mean, that's a midpoint for her. I say.

2:09:42But it's not too late to do what you suggested. I like what you suggested. I think it's a good idea. Like what Mikey's bit. I used to argue with Mikey about his bit of, you know, you should wait till you get married. And then I started thinking about what it would have been like had I waited. And I'm like. Damn, that would have been good. Yeah. That would have been real, real good. I heard somebody recently say that they, thank you for the call, by the way, Kristen. Good luck, Kristen. Good luck. We hope we didn't ruin your weekend. Hope he makes it right soon. Poor girl. Yeah. He'll make it right. This is what girls, dude. Men are idiots. Woodsy, let me tell you. This is what I truly believe, and I may be wrong in believing this, but I really do believe men have women over the coals, and the reason that they do is for this reason, fear. Women are afraid. They're afraid that if they put their foot down, the guy will go, fine, whatever. And maybe he will. Maybe he will for a little bit. Maybe he will for a little bit. He'll come around. But he will come around in short order. And if he doesn't come around in short order...

2:10:44All you got to do is thank your lucky stars. That he's gone. Yeah, but who wants to have to be in a situation to give an ultimatum? You don't want to force someone to marry you. You know what I mean? Now, an ultimatum in what way, Sienna? If I were to say, look, we've been together for six years. I'm ready for a ring of my finger. I'm leaving. I'm going somewhere else. I don't think you put it that way. And I think that's the wrong motivation to even say it that way. I can't think of a right way to give an ultimatum. How about this? How about this way? What if you were the dude, I'm you, and I say, we've been together for six years, and I want to be married. Are you ready to be married? I'm asking you. I don't know. I'd have to think about it. That's every dude, by the way. No, a man would go, if I was ready to marry you, I would have asked you. No, he might say, I don't know, because he might have truly not even thought about it. Don't you hear that bit all the time, Woodsy? Dude's going, I don't, you know, I don't know. Maybe. What do you mean? Like, have a whole, like, wedding and stuff? You mean, like, real married? Like, really get married? All of a sudden, men get real dumb, like, ugh. So, all of a sudden, aren't they always? All of a sudden? Yeah. What mean married? What mean? What mean? Who is married? Who is married? So, if you say to him, are you, you know, I would like to be married. You know, we've been together six years. I would like to be married. What about you? Now, you.

2:12:09Answer me. What about me? Yeah. And I'm me? You're the guy. You're the guy. Oh. You're the guy. It's Beavis. Why do I like you, by the way? I mean, like, maybe one day, yeah, but I just, I don't know if it's time. Like, it's expensive to have a wedding. Your boobs are really nice, but I don't know. I mean, who knows? Okay, here's what I would say to that. If they said, maybe one day, but maybe when I have a little bit more money. Maybe when I'm a little bit more successful. And maybe when I'm this. When I'm ready to have kids. Ready to have kids. Maybe they say that, right? And the girl pulls this. Well, I am not getting any younger. I'm getting older. And so my window to be married is getting smaller. You know why women don't say this, by the way? You know why they don't say it? Because they think they will sound. whiny or they think they'll sound complainy or that that's why they don't do it they should do it they should say it they should go my window for having babies is getting smaller I'm getting you know I'm older I'm not getting younger and I love you I'm in love with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I know you're not there yet but I feel like as much as it hurts

2:13:27This is time that's going by. I can't be in this relationship if that's a deal. Hang on, though. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Woodsy's giving me the cross and going, I can't say anything. But now, if that woman that is saying that to me is the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, sorry, I'm going to do something about it. If she's not, though, if she's a woman that I'm like, I don't know, man. I just, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Really? You don't? Then if you don't know, that's your answer. If you don't know, bro, then. I was 100% the girl that you're pretending to be right now. Yeah? Because I was with Todd, who had been married before and had a kid, and he thought he was done. Yeah. And I was like, you guys know me. I'm like, I want kids. I want marriage. My mom's a wedding planner. Like, I was the wrong girl for him to get in a relationship with. Yeah, seriously. And so after time, I was like, you know, like a year even. Like, I would bring it up. A year? I would never give him an ultimatum, but I always made it. He says too soon? No, no, no. I don't think it's too soon. It was never like an ultimatum, but I always made it very well known what I want. And he had to figure out, oh my gosh, am I going to do what I thought I was never going to do again?

2:14:40and be with you or am I not? And it was rough, but it ended up working out and I'm married and having a baby now because of it. And there's nothing wrong with being upfront about what you want. And both people should come to the relationship doing that. And listen, if you meet a dude and you're talking to the dude and dude's like, I don't want to have kids. I never want to have kids. Don't think you're going to change. You're going to be the one to change him. If a guy says, you know what? I don't want to get married. I just, I don't want to get married. I'm not the marrying type. If he says that to you, don't be like, you know what, though? You haven't had this. I was an exception, though. I was, like, the exception. I just, I knew him, and I knew that he had been burned. Yeah. And I knew that it was, like, fear. Okay, then let me say this. You are the exception, but... There's those women that get into those relationships, and then after eight years, they're like, I don't know what's wrong with him. I don't know what's wrong with him. See, I was able to get it out of him soon enough to where I didn't have to deal with, like, years of, well, when's he going to propose? It's never going to happen. How long was it? Three years? We've been together. Yeah, he proposed after two years.

2:15:45Nice. Good work, Toddy. Yeah. Now, Todd is 99 this year. Yeah, I was like, come on, man. We don't have much time with you. We've got like a year left. Make it right. 38. Still got to find out why Susanna is out in the hallway. Just pacing. We'll do all that next. Welcome back. It's a Mikey show. Get this. It's a little Prince pick of Lauren O'Brien. She picked a little Prince for us today. It's a great tune. It's a good one. I want to mention our friend Jared, who has a website, createyourdesignonline.com. He's the graphic designer that did MikeyShow.com.

2:17:42So if you would like him to do something for you like that, got a website, you're going to be starting up a website, he can do it for you. He's really, really good. And he has a business starter package, $150, and it gives you a logo design, business card design, and 1,000 business cards. Guys, incredible. Dynamite. Yep. Just call him up, have him dial it in. Thank you, Gaglione Brothers, who brought in food today. So good. Great is that. I think they used the real Amoroso rolls. Yeah, they're good, right? Oh, my gosh. They must get them shipped in from the East Coast. I think they do. I had a Baja chicken. It was like a Baja. Chicken Baja? Yeah, oh, my. It's like a chicken cheesesteak with peppers on it. So good. They were voted San Diego's best sandwiches. And for good reason. Yeah, I don't deny that. You can find them in the Sports Arena area and the Mission Beach area. They got a new location on Mission Gorge opening in July. which would be real good. I wonder if they delivered to us on Monday, maybe. Real sweetly. What do you think about that? Every Monday, you mean? Maybe every Monday. Thank you to Jed and the Sports Arena store for getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning to cook it all up for us. Real nice. Real good. And email me about that Monday delivery. Woods at MikeyShow.com. Yeah, please. What's Monday? Oh, yeah. We do the meeting. Mikey Show. We do ideas and stuff. Didn't understand.

2:19:09Really? I didn't. I was like, what's on Monday? And finally, curiosity got the better of me. I had to ask. Turns out, we do a meeting. We sure do. 17 hours. We sleep over. We do. We start bringing our sleeping bags. Might as well just stay and then be back on the air. Popcorn. Hey, listen. We have a lot of ideas. We do. Boy, we do. My gosh. But the good thing is, is that we... We never, ever lose focus. That's the best part. It's like six straight hours of just work. Train never gets derailed. The train never gets derailed. Nobody ever goes off topic. Mikey and I never do. Lauren and Mikey don't start talking about something for two hours. No. It never happens. Yeah. Really? I don't pretend that I'm like an eagle flying around the room. Sienna doesn't eat 35 pickles. I ate the entire thing last week. It doesn't happen. I don't dip a can of snuff and flip out and run around. Lie on the windowsill. Lie on the floor. I don't crap dust the whole room. Oh, wait. That's Jay. Can we get Susanna in here and ask her what's going on? Come on in. Come on in, Susanna. Easy. Hey. How are you, Susanna? How are you doing? Fantastic. A little sore. A little sore? Yes. You're sore?

2:20:31Yeah, she's got a bandage on her arm. Did you notice that? Susanna works in our accounting department. She's an intern in the accounting department. Really, really pretty girl. Oh, thanks, Mike. Friends with Woods. Hi, best friend. Okay. Now, a lot of people, if you're new listening to the Mikey Show, you're probably wondering, how come Susanna sounds like that? It's a retainer. Yeah, it's just a little bit of a hindrance. What's that? It's a little bit of a hindrance. She listens to hindrance. It's a little bit of a hindrance. It's a little bit of a hindrance. Oh. Woods is the only one that understands me around here. That's true. What's new? She sounds so different, though, when she takes out the retainer. Watch. Take the retainer out. Okay. Is that better? Oh, that's so much better, Susan. Yeah, I know. It sounds great. Gosh, I thought I was getting the hang of it. I thought no one could tell anymore and then just get brought back down to earth when I come in here. That's right. You know what, though? Give me a check. It sounds great, though, when you take out the thing. Thanks, Mike. Either way, though, it doesn't really bother us. Even when you have it in, it doesn't bother us. It doesn't? Yeah, I think this is a safe place. It's a safe place. I thought so. What's going on with the bandage? Well...

2:21:50Can I put this back in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as long as it keeps your teeth straight, you should probably put it back in. Yeah, he doesn't like when I have it out. Yeah. So, I just wanted to say, I have to admit, I've noticed that Woods, you think Hillary is all that. Our midday DJ. Hillary's pretty dreamy. Yeah, she is. She is. Well, by the way, Woods, I just put the new Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Heroes on my iPod, so if you want to borrow that, you know where to go. I've got it. Because that's what Hillary plays? Yeah. I've got it already. She's not the only one that spins the good tunes. You know what, though, Susanna? Yes. You can't necessarily do the same stuff that Hillary does in order to get somebody's attention, necessarily, because that won't... You know what I mean? Because... That would, well, it'd be just imitating her, wouldn't it? I think that's the nicest form of flattery, right? What did she just say? The nicest form of flattery. I didn't understand a word she said. I don't know if I understood what I said. Yeah, it was tough for all of us, wasn't it? Sincerest. Sincerest. Too much microphone. Too much microphone.

2:23:02Right, spitting right into the microphone. The peas pop a little. They do. The peas pop a little. Maybe we can get her one of those 50-cent wind screens. Screens. We should all seriously be using those. What? We should. We should all be seriously using those. There's a lot of germs falling around. Sienna? I don't know, but I was just thinking we should auto-tune Susanna. 100%. We should all use the screens. Yeah, we should. We should. Yep. So, yeah, don't do the Hillary thing. Okay. Is that what that was? It's a little too late. Yep. What'd you do? It's a half sleeve. No, you did not. You have a half sleeve like Hillary does. It's kind of like Hillary's, but see here, there's a Texas flag on there. Do you have some relatives in Texas? Yeah, it's for my Uncle Sam. For your Uncle Sam? Remember? For your Uncle Sam. Does Jamie have a half sleeve? No, Jamie doesn't have a half sleeve. Just kidding, Jamie. Not really. I love passive-aggressive. What are you talking about? Is Jamie working yet? She does a little consulting gig. Just so you know, I inherited $2 million.

2:24:22Is that what I'll pay for your tattoo? Buy you whatever you want, what? The thing about this tattoo is actually, I have been working on replicating Hillary's sleeve. You have? Yeah, but actually, if I take some spit and just rub it on you, it comes right off. That's not real. That's not even a real one. It's not. What did you do with it? It's just washable markers. It's washable markers. Take that retainer out. I can't understand a word. Sorry, I get excited. It's all right. Who drew it on there? I did, Santa. I've been studying. That's a talent for yourself. I've been studying. I've been stuttering. No, I've been studying Hillary for the past couple weeks. Have you? Does she know that? But there's a glass right there. So what do you do? It's really easy to just kind of. Watch her with no expression on your face, with your hands to your side. And sketch her tattoo. So I've just been, maybe I took a few pictures. Okay, yeah, it's weird. It's weird. Susanna, you're not seeing anybody yet? You're not like dating somebody? I see someone. You do? Yeah. Yeah, who is it? Who are you seeing? He's standing pretty close to me. He is. One of the listeners, man. Yeah. Oh, you're dating one of the listeners. Oh, he's listening. But you know what?

2:25:43Someone once said, if you really love something, just let it go. If it comes back, it was always yours. Gosh, I'm so nervous. I know. If not, though. It just never was. It was meant to be. I hope you heard that, Jamie. Anyway. I'm just saying. Let him go. No, no. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Are you saying that if Jamie let him go and he came back to her? No, I'm saying he would totally come back. Right? Oh, wow. Would you? Of course. Of course you would. Let your talents out of him, Jamie. Creepy. Thanks, Suzanne. Thanks. You're welcome. You're a creeper. Thank you for coming by. Thanks for coming by. Thanks. Put the rotator back in. Don't want to mess up the teeth. All right, guys. Well, you guys have a good rest of your day. We will. I'll see you later. We will. Bye. Bye. Suzanne is a little bit of a creeper. She sits on the hood of my car and tries to smoke cigarettes.

2:26:43But she doesn't really smoke. But she smokes because she thinks I think it's cool. So you look out the window and see her sitting on your... And I see her going... She's wearing like a white leather jacket. Her face is green. That's awesome. Yeah, dude. You want to hear some of the weirdest celebrity endorsements around? Yes. We have some of the weirdest celebrity endorsements around. These are real. That a lot of people don't know about. A lot of times celebrities will do stuff out of the country, by the way. That's a big deal. For dough. For money. Yeah. For millions. Lots of it. Any guesses what Ozzy Osbourne endorsed? Viagra. Nope. Bats. It's just like random. Bats. Yeah. Bats. Bats. Bats. Butter. Butter. No way. Well, actually, I can't believe it's not butter. Are you serious? No, it's fake stuff. I can't believe it. It's not butter. It tastes delicious, but I swear I thought it was a year. I can't believe it's not butter, man. Really? Does he do it in another country? No. He does it here? Yeah. How have we not seen that? I don't know if it's on now. It's just these are celebrities that have done endorsements for these companies. See, and a lot of it could be that it is out of the country. Because a lot of times, like big A-list stars. Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise. Yeah.

2:28:07They'll do it. I'd do it. She got a heartbeat. Iggy Pop. Iggy Pop. Uh-huh. Dexatrim. No. NyQuil. Insurance. Really? Yes. Because when I think insurance, I think Iggy Pop. Yes. Why? Why would they go to Iggy Pop? I don't know. Who's the creative genius in these rooms in New York that's like, you know what, this butter is pretty kick-ass. Yeah. Let's go get Ozzy. Well, we have to, right? We have to get Ozzy. I wonder if it's the other way around. I wonder if their agents are just sniffing around for anyone that will take it. Yeah, they're like, I represent Ozzy. What do you think? You got any butter clients? We need agents. Fred Flintstone, about 40 years ago. Vitamins. Vitamins. Cigarettes. Yes! Shut up! Winston cigarettes. Are you kidding me? Wow. Creepy. Jesse. Creepy. The man. How did you know that, Jesse? Jesse knows everything. I used to smoke Winston's. I make things up. Yeah. That's a good guess, if anything else. What else? Um, Carrie Bradshaw. The chick from, uh, Sex and the City. He's won four Super Bowls with the Steelers. The actress? That's a fictional character. Massengill.

2:29:22Well, it's... Mole remover system. Nope. Well, Lauren, you know, you've seen Sex and City. Every girl knows. They even had an episode about a product that she uses in every... Oh, Manolo Blonics. Manolo Blonics. Not Summer's Eve. Apple computers. It's not Apple anymore. She's now moved to HP. Really? Yeah. They even had an entire episode about her Apple laptop breaking down. Is that one of those bits where they go... Hey, we'll pay you, HBO, we'll pay you $7 million if she'll use HP. Yep. Crazy. Alice Cooper? Golf. Golf. Yeah, he's a golfer. He loves golf. Scratch golfer. He did Britain's Sky TV channel. What does a scratch golfer mean? It means he shoots par when he goes out. 72 or under. No way. Wow. That guy's money. That's amazing. Yep. That's amazing. Jennifer Aniston. This one's not surprising, really. She did Smart Water. Oh, I saw that. I thought it was vitamin water. Smart Water. The goldfish on the bottom. One of the girls from Twilight did Healthy Water. Soviet leader, Mikhail. Mikhail Gorbachev. Yes. Thank you. I was really worried about saying that last one. Vanishing cream. Yeah, you had that big bowl, right? Nope. Pizza Hut.

2:30:45Hey, why not? Pepperoni. I love pizza. I love pizza. Pizza, pizza. Those are the good ones. Maybe the guys from Copenhagen give the kid a call. Yeah. Endorse it real good. Kombucha. Kombucha. Just saying. Yum yum donuts. Let's see. What else we got? I got some stories that I haven't got to yet. How about the gate crashers? Oh, yeah. You know, the Salahis, the people that got into that banquet for the president? Mm-hmm. Are they back at it again? You know that, Mike. They do. They were first spotted in November when they crashed Obama's first state dinner when they were not invited. Yeah. And he had his second state dinner a couple nights ago, Wednesday night, and they were spotted just a few blocks from there in a limo on their way. And the Secret Service officer saw a stretch limo, and they ran a red light, so he signaled them to turn over. They were the Salahis dressed, ready to go to the White House again. That's hysterical. They're on a VH1 show. They're filming. It's just like, of course they're going to try to go again for that show. Yeah, they got in. It's just like, really? Come on. Hey, listen. They didn't get in any trouble, any serious trouble the first time, which means that they must have had some way. That was weird. Right? Well, if they didn't, then they would have gotten in real bad trouble. They didn't. They didn't do, you know, nothing happened. They were introduced as, you know, Tariq and Michelle Salahi. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so maybe they did have a way into that thing. Yeah. Let's see.

2:32:10What else I got to tell you? The inventor of the ATM has died at 84 years old in Scotland. Yeah. Do you know why he wanted to do the ATM? Why? Because he really liked going to the vending machines for chocolate. Aww. And so he thought of a way to, you know, do one with money. And this was before there were ever debit cards. He did it with checks, and that's when they were first invented in Britain or in Scotland. Hang on a second. My nine-month-old son, Luke, is on the line. Again? Luke. Hey. What's going on? Hey, dude, I need a ride. First of all, I'm not dude, I'm dad. So you confuse the words. You confuse the words, son. Use your words. Maybe turn the hearing aid up, pal. I don't have one, son. I said dad, I need a ride. Okay, you said dude, but that's all right. I am dad. Where do you need a ride to? Tomato, tomato, pal. I'm not pal, I'm dad. Where do you need a ride to, son? Albertsons. Why? You need a ride to Albertsons? Yeah. For what? I need diabetes.

2:33:09I need a new binky. I need formula. And I'll sell binkies at Albertsons. I need a six-pack of Budweiser. Really? Really? Yeah, I need a ride. So when are you coming home? Coming home when the show's over, son, and I'll take you to Albertsons when I get home. Yeah, and when you take me, you don't need to stay. Just drop me off. Do you want me to drop you off at Albertsons? Yeah. I'll find my way home. Sure you will. Why do you want me to drop you off? This is my son, Luke. He's nine months old. He's really kind of a pain. I mean... Troublemaker. He's a troublemaker. I love him, but he's a troublemaker. Am I? Yeah, you kind of are. Am I? Yeah. Am I? Why do you want me to drop... Wait. Just drop me off. You don't have to... I mean, what are we... You're on the school newspaper? What are you asking a bunch of questions for? Just drop me off. I need a ride down there, but I can find my own way home. Are you going to find your own way home because you want to go to Katie's? No. Maybe. How do you know about Katie? Maybe I know about Katie because you're my son and I keep an eye on what you're up to. You're nine months old. Oh, so you found the note. Did I find the note? What note? You found the note under Teddy Ruxpin. Great. No, I guess there's no privacy. I guess we just sniff around. Maybe you tell everybody yours and mom's secrets. How about that? First of all. What does a guy got to do to get some privacy? You're not.

2:34:40Don't tell your brother to shut up. Don't tell your brother. Don't tell him that. Hey, shut it. Hey, Grammy and Mom are both. Listen to me. Shut your mouth. Yeah, so what time are you going to be home? I need a lift. Did Ryan say anything? Yeah, he said, wow. Is that what he said? Yeah. Look at Ryan. You're driving me crazy. When am I going to get my own room, by the way? Really? You're nine months old. Maybe we get a bigger house. Rascal. Maybe we get a bigger house. Who's Katie? You don't worry about Katie. Really? What's up? What are you doing with her? Sweet. Yeah, we're going to watch Yo Gabba Gabba. Maybe do a little Frenching. Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted me to take you to Katie's house? If there's nothing wrong with taking you to Katie's house, I'll take you over there. But you've got to do it. Yeah, I don't know. I have to share every little thing with you. Maybe because you're nine months old. Hey, you're my dad. You're not my wife.

2:35:45I'm glad you're not my wife. Where's my cigars, by the way? I gotta go. Hurry home. Goodbye. It's my nine-month-old son. You are in trouble, Mal. Patsy Cline walking after midnight. I'll tell you where and when you will be able to see Jesse James answering questions about the affair. First time since. Wow. We'll tell you next. Welcome back. Weezer, perfect situation. Lauren's picking the music today, and you can see all of her selections on the Facebook fan page later today. We'll have them up, and you can see what they all are. If you were listening today and you kind of dug the music, we will put them all up there for you. And by the way, if you haven't joined the Mikey Show Facebook fan page, please do. Go to Facebook and just in the search area, type in the Mikey Show. You'll find us, and you can join that.

2:37:20We would love to see you do that. By the way, a couple of things I wanted to tell you about. There's a really, really cool thing going on this weekend. It's actually, I believe tonight, it's for Chelsea King and it's an event that's going on if you're into skateboarding and if you are a fan of the pro surfers, then you're going to want to check this out. It's called The Cause and it's a youth awareness event and it's in support of The Chelsea's Light Foundation. And it's going on tonight. Now, what it's trying to do is raise awareness for legislation to protect kids from sexual predators. So I think everybody can get behind this. It's going on tonight at Horizon North County. You can find out more information about it by going to horizon.org. And it's pretty cool because there's going to be some pro skaters, pro surfers. There's going to be NFL players. It's pretty cool. So check that out. You want to know more about it. Horizon.org is where you go. Okay, we got this Jesse James thing. I guess Jesse James is going to be doing an interview? Yeah, his first post-cheating scandal interview. It's going to be airing on Nightline next Tuesday. That's the 25th. Yeah. Riveting. Yes, the reporter. I'm being serious.

2:38:48You mean that genuinely? You're not being sarcastic? No, I'm being serious. I want to know. I want to hear him ask tough questions. I know that the reporter, Vicki Mabry, asks the question that's been on everyone's mind. Why did you throw away a seemingly perfect life with a perfect wife? Nobody's perfect. Seemingly. Nobody's perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you're saying. So in other words, it wasn't a perfect relationship, right? Yeah, she's probably not a perfect wife either. Yeah, no relationship is. But why would you, hey, listen, I think the question is, why would you throw away a marriage? Why would you throw away your marriage? Yeah. This is another one of those things with me, though, is they're just like, I don't think he needs to do it. I feel the same as Tiger Woods. It's like, you don't need to open up about all that stuff. Like, yeah, you're a jerk, and I don't think it's going to change anyone else's mind. Yeah, because there were people that were, I was reading, you know, what people think about Jesse James' career moving forward. Yeah. You know. Is it going to affect his career? Probably not. It's not like he's a squeaky clean image. Yeah, and it's not like he's acting in A-list blockbusters either. I mean, the guy's got a chop shop. That's his career. Have a ball. And he does fine, and the people that go there probably will continue going there. And the dudes that want a great motorcycle, they're going to go to wherever he owns. I don't think that there's going to be...

2:40:06I mean, this is just my opinion, but I don't think there's going to be a lot of guys that are like, I ain't getting my bike there, man. He cheated on the girl from Miss Congeniality. On the blind side. Did you see the blind side? I ain't doing it, man. I cried my ass off. I'm going somewhere else. I'll take my business elsewhere. Absolutely. You did that to Miss Congeniality? I'm going to Kawasaki. But it makes me think, why is he even doing this in the first place? I know. You know what I mean? It seems very unlike him. Guilty. Maybe guilty, but like... He wants her to see it, and he wants her to see how much he's groveling. Maybe he wants to cash in. That's what I'm thinking. See how many people bite. Maybe he writes a book afterwards. Maybe he likes this limelight. He's already in it. He's in it, though, yeah. I mean, I'd be like, no, extra. I'm not going to be sitting down with you. He's not sitting down with extra, though. Well, maybe in addition to his chop shop, now he can be on like Celebrity Apprentice or, you know, his like... immediate status can be updated. L.O.B. Dancing with the Stars? Yeah, exactly. He was just on Celebrity Apprentice. Oh. Maybe buy TV. Maybe he goes and opens up a motorcycle shop now. Maybe he can do that. No, L.O.B. He's already got a motorcycle shop. But he can do his own shop. They have an own show around it. No, L.O.B.

2:41:29You don't get it. No, no, no. He's got his own shop. She's about to throw something at me. She's about to throw yogurt at me. No, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. That looks so disgusting. Oh, my God. That's repugnant. Greek plain yogurt with strawberries in it. Repugnant. Hand-picked strawberries. Yeah. By L-O-B. Yeah, she cultured those yogurts herself. Oh, Mikey picked these strawberries. That's right. That's the strawberry on the cake. It's real inappropriate in here. That's the strawberry on the cake. He's also put their house, their Orange County home up for sale too. Three million bucks. Three million bucks. Good get. So I'm sure we'll have plenty of clips next Wednesday of Jesse James on Nightline. For sure. All the way in. I don't know. I want to see it. She adopted a baby in the meantime. She had already started the process and everything. No, they got the baby together.

2:42:29He did? Yeah, he was still in her life when they got the baby, which makes him look even worse. Yeah, it really does. It does. Really kind of does. Little boy, they did all the paperwork a while ago to get the baby from New Orleans, and they did, beginning of the year, and his name is Louis, and he's very cute. Sweet. Let's see. How about, well, I don't know if we want to go this direction. You guys want to do a little Would You Rather? Because I know people here in the studio were asking about it, too. Yeah. So we can even ask some of the people that are in the studio. So I'll tell you what we'll do. Play a little music from LOB. It's her selection today. War Story's Lion. I like it already. I like that. It's a local band. I put their video up on my blog because I was in their video. I like that. Would You Rather is next. M1 John, you there? Yeah. You got a good, you got a very good Would You Rather.

2:44:00What is it? Let me say it because I had to hit the button on him because he accidentally said a bad word. Would you rather live without your sense of smell or live without eyelids? You would give up the eyelids? Yeah, your eyelids. You wouldn't be able to blink. You wouldn't be able to close your eyes. I hate when he does this. Stop it. Oh, I hate when he does that. Oh, I hate when he does it. I hate when he does it. He flips his eyelids. Your contacts are going to fall out. Is that bad? Yes. Would you rather lose your sense of smell or live without eyelids? I would need my eyelids. How do you sleep? You need your smell. Yeah, if you can't smell, you can't taste. You can't taste. So, but I'd rather be able to close my eyes. No more habaneros. Whatever. Just put a little mask on your face. Just close your eyes. Wear sunglasses, pal. Flies in my eyes and stuff. That's not all you have to deal with. You've got to deal with the strange looks from people. You're only going to stare at you. Yeah, I guess so. I can deal with that. I can deal with it. So is it the internal torture versus the external torture? Kind of chubby. Yeah. I'm fat, too. And I have a...

2:45:12porn stash, so maybe that has something to do with people. White people are staring at me every day going, idiots. People like the stash. It's repugnant. I'm telling you. It looks great. Oh, God, it looks ridiculous. Would you rather sleep every night in a human nest in a tree? That sounds fun. I know, it does sound fun. Or would you rather sleep every night in a burrow? Oh, my gosh. Nest. Nest. Hands down. Nest. Nest. Come on. Everybody nesting? Everybody nest? Trust tree in the nest. You're all nesters? Oh, wow. M1 Parra from Mount Helix. Are you there? Good, dude. You were born without a sense of smell. Dude, so does that mean that you can't tell me what something tastes like? The taste works fine, dude. Really? How do you have that without a sense of smell? I thought they both came together. and kind of help each other out, you know? I bet you never fart in public, though, ever. No, I do that all the time. Wow, he doesn't have to smell it. He never had to smell a fart. Yeah, but then you don't know how bad it is. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Does that literally mean that you've never smelled a fart? Oh, my God. Wow. That means... That's rad. That means that, like, when people make jokes about farts, he's like, he just has to imagine... He has to imagine what the whole thing means. The whole...

2:46:39I get it. How many other, do you know how many people that have that same affliction? I don't want to say affliction, like it's a negative thing. I guess so. That's wild, man. Wow. What a trip. Thank you. No sense of smell. He's never smelled apple pie. He's never smelled Cinnabon. He's never smelled Cinnabon. No, let's focus on the things that are good. He's never smelled a fart. But if he could imagine what it smelled like once he tasted it with the pie and the Cinnabon and all that bit. Yeah, that's true. He can at least taste. I don't want to be crass, but nothing. Move on. Just go. I know what he's thinking. Just go. No, you don't. No, you don't. Just go. Does that have anything to do with what we talked about at Hometown Club? No, just stop it. Just say it makes dating very difficult for that guy, okay? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can't stop. I know it. He is a bull in a china shop. He's a bull in a china shop. It's Friday, dude. I know it. Would you rather be stared at all the time or be the butt of jokes all the time? I'm already a butt of jokes. Butt of jokes. No, but it's, like, serious.

2:47:57No, I stared at you all day, dude. It creeps me out to be stared at. I'd rather know what they're making fun of me about. The words sting. Sticks and stones break your bones. Just staring at Sienna. I said I don't want to be stared at. Make you the butt of every joke. Always look great to everyone you meet but frequently say the wrong thing or always have the right thing to say but frequently look terrible. Yeah, I'm one, Woods is the other. Oh my God. Yeah. Mike, he just went to give Woods a high five. Woods like awkwardly held his hand for a minute. That was weird. We went to give each other a high five. We were like, eh. Interlace. Fingers interlace. It was like too long of a high five. Yeah. Why are you caressing his hands? I love to freak him out. Why are you putting lotion on him? Yeah, why are you doing that?

2:49:00Which one would you choose? The first one. God, Sienna. You get away with it. Yeah, because you're good looking. Yeah, you're like, oh, but she's cute. Look at her. Yeah, L.O.B. does this thing where she does something to make you mad, and she literally starts to dance. I try it at home now. It doesn't work. Doesn't work? Yeah, always look great to everyone you meet, but frequently say the wrong thing. It's not even always. It's frequently say the wrong thing. So sometimes you get it right. Oh, yeah, but saying the wrong thing is terrible. I know because I do it all the time. I do it. You don't do it. I do. I do. But he gets away with it. I do this thing that I got from my mom. My mom does this thing where she will say, in order to communicate that something was great, she'll say it's the greatest ever. I do that. You do that. We do it. I do it all the time. You both do it. Yeah. We're just oversellers, dude. And the person is like, oh, really?

2:50:00Because I heard you say that, like, two weeks ago, too. I've heard that about myself. You'll say, like, this is the grossest story I've ever heard. Right. Why do we do that? We both do it. Yeah. And I've heard people say that about me. And I'll also do this thing. So, good. How about that? It's the worst, right? You're extremist. Is that a word? We are totally extremist. We are. Maybe worry about what's on your plate before you worry about what's on mine. That's right. Eat your meal. See? It's a good bit. Valerie Bertinelli got engaged to her boyfriend. Yeah. Right? She's the one that lost all that weight. She did, yeah. They've been dating for six years. She's 50, and she's marrying her producer BF, Tom Vitale. Her producer BF? Boyfriend. Best friend or boyfriend? Boyfriend. Yes! Lost people. Confused looks on the faces of L.O.B. and Woods. No clue. Sunday night, two and a half hours. Finale. The end of Lost. I like girls. Really? Is that it? Is that it? No, you know why I make fun? Because I don't understand. Yeah, thank you. That's it, and I'm probably not bright enough to understand. So there you go. You had to get on the bandwagon early to follow that show. Before you start freaking out at me and writing me nasty stuff, I'm not smart enough to get it.

2:51:27That's why I make fun. You are smart enough. You just need to watch all the episodes. You need to apply yourself. The attention span. I can't do it. Yeah. It does involve a little white ball and dudes in pinstripes. I'm out. Yeah, dude, I say that all the time. You always give me like a hard time with it. With what? Lost? No, not letting me come watch a Yankees with you. Dude, I watch Yankees by myself. You know that. I can't watch with anybody else. You watch it with the bone. Well, that's my wife. Oh, really? Yeah, really. We're married, and she likes the Yankees. She can watch with you, but I can't watch with you. Hey, Frankie, I'll make a deal with you. You name me three current New York Yankees, and you can come over and watch the game tonight. Yankees-Mets. You got it, dude. Go. Uh-oh. Alex Rodriguez. Give me a second here. It's a lot on the line, bro. It's a lot. You can come over tonight. Yanks-Mets. Alex Rodriguez. That's one. Posada. What's his first name? Jorge. There you go. That's two. Derek Jeeves. Derek Jeeves. Subway Series. Is that what they call it? Subway Series. See you about four o'clock. If I name five players, will you make Hello Dollies? How about you make them, Frankie? I got no problem with it. I'll make Hello Dollies. You know that. It's a date. Tonight. Yeah, tonight. Riesling? Riesling, yes. Riesling and Hello Dollies is a hell of a mix.

2:52:56This sounds like a good night. Yeah. What about bacon-wrapped filet mignon with asparagus spears? Yeah, we can do that. We'll have a little BBQ. You bring Mel Dog, we'll make it right. I'm not bringing Mel Dog. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. It's a double date. Don't touch my hair. You're bringing me. Don't! Come here with your asparagus. Don't touch it, don't. I'm gonna spear you. Come here with your asparagus. I'll spear you. Don't touch my stomach. Don't touch me! Get your weird fingernails away from me. They're not my fingernails. It's your asparagus spears, you freak. The fingernails, I can tell, they're four miles long. They got diamonds in them. Yeah, they got diamonds in them. Come here, you. What are you, digging for diamonds in these spears? Don't touch me! MC Maldog is from New Jersey. See you at four, Frank. There you go. You got a date. You will, bro. Uber impressed right now. 570-1949 is our number. You can also get a hold of us by text. It's 949mikey at gmail.com. Does anybody have anything going on this weekend that they want to promote? Kids got a huge baseball game. Yeah, you do. And you know what? Last time listeners came out there, it got you all fired up, right? I played great. Had the mustache going. We got 930 at Alliant University, whatever the hell that is. Are you keeping the mustache then? Yeah, I'm keeping the mustache. Yeah, I'm keeping the mustache. Yes.

2:54:24Taking the old lady out to dinner tonight. What about you guys? The who? The old lady. The wife. She's okay. The woman whose life I saved. Yeah, her. I'm taking her to dinner. Go see a little Shrek 4. Probably not. Are you? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Are you really? Yes. You know that. L.O.B., if you were married to Woods, you'd be okay with him calling you his old lady, right? If it were an alternate universe and I were ever married to Woods, no, I would not be okay. She would not be okay with that. Really? I don't think so. What makes you think I would marry this brother? Right. See what I'm talking about? You know what I mean? All right. We've got to get out of here. Let's see. When are we doing? Okay. At the end of the show on Friday, I give you... My testimony. I tell you all about where I have been and what's happened in my life. And the reason that I do it is because I genuinely feel like this job to me is a gift. I'm really lucky to be able to do it. And I want to feel like it's for more of a purpose than just me getting to tell jokes all day. And I do it one time a week. I do it on Fridays.

2:55:41I also do it because I know that there are people that can find similarities in my story with theirs. It's gonna be brief today. In fact, today I'm gonna do it a little bit different than I normally do. I'm not gonna do it with any music. I'm just gonna tell you my story. My story is that when I was a kid, I was sexually abused. When I was a teenager, I felt very different. from the people that I was around. The reason that I did is because I was an introvert as a teenager, really introverted. And a lot of my friends weren't. The people that I was around in school were not introverts. So I felt different. And when I got into my 20s, I felt even more different. I have never, ever in my life had confidence. I've always had low self-esteem until recently. And what that should tell you is that

2:56:47Even though God took a big part of my life and took over a big portion of my life, it didn't mean that everything suddenly got better or that suddenly life became rosy. Because anybody that's listened to the show knows that that's what my testimony is, is telling you what my story is. But what I can tell you is that a lot of people, you'll hear this phrase. You'll say, you know, I think that religion or I think that that whole God thing is a crutch. It is. Let me explain. Actual crutches are used to hold you up when something's broken. And I was broken. I spent the majority of my life broken. Low self-esteem, feeling terrible about who I was as a person. In fact, I have many times referred to who I was as a person as morally bankrupt. I think you'll ever meet a person that was more manipulative, angry, hurtful, self-absorbed.

2:57:53egotistical. That's who I was. I had very little consideration for others. It came as a result of internal hurt, sadness, and fear. That's what I believe anger is. When I was 33 years old, I was completely addicted to alcohol. If you go to mikeyshow.com, you can find a lot of resources for alcohol addiction and depression and stuff like that because that's where I've been. have had everything that you could possibly be addicted to. I've been addicted to it. When I was 33, I gave my life to God and I asked him to start running my life. I tell you this story because I know that there's a lot of people that are listening right now that are in that position and they feel desperate and they don't have any hope. There is no hope in your life. So I tell you my story.

2:58:54as a living, breathing, walking, talking testimony of what God did in my life. He changed my life completely. And now I can tell you that I genuinely, sincerely do have care for others that I didn't used to have. I didn't have it as a part of my nature. And I do today. Today I do have confidence. I have more confidence today than I've ever had in my entire life. And I did it as a result of God's work in my life. I play a song at the end of the show on Friday. Different songs, but I like to play this one probably the most because it's the one that I first started playing when I first started doing this. It's called Tunnel, and the words are so moving to me. They're so cool. The words to the song are just, they gave me so much hope at a time when I didn't have any. Lovely and Talented Hillary is coming up next, and we'll see you again on Monday. Thank you guys for coming in today. Appreciate it. We'll see you again on Monday. Mikey shows up. Later.