The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 05/24/10

1:31Welcome, everybody. It's the Mikey Show. It is. Look at this. May 24th. May 24th already. Man. Snuck right up on us, right? Time flies. Welcome to the program. You can call it if you want. You can call the Mikey Show. 570-1949. Or you can text us. 949mikey at gmail.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get in here. We got so much to do. We do. We got so much material today. Because a lot happened over the weekend. And a lot's going on in sports and TV. It's a lot of stuff. Surprise. Yay. Woohoo. Yeah. One of the things that we were going to tell you about is what happened Friday. My wife threw me a surprise birthday party. Yeah, she did. Yep.

2:31It was like a wedding reception. It was like a wedding reception. And I did not have a clue. So cool. It was so great. I didn't have a clue. And if you go to the Mikey Show fan page on Facebook, Dan, the guy that took pictures there, a friend of ours, he posted them on the fan page. And about two weeks ago, we were leaving church, my wife and I. Did you hear this, Sienna? Yeah. This was classic. We were leaving church, and my wife was rushing me. She was like, come on, we have to go. We have to go right now. We have to leave right now. And I was like, okay, okay, okay. So we got in the car. We started driving over to a friend of ours' house. Woods was going to be there too. And I'm driving over there, and I thought to myself,

3:28I think I'm driving myself to my own surprise party right now. This was two weeks ago. We walk in the house and no one yells surprise. And I think to myself, you are a creep. You? Yeah, me. You're about to hit a benchmark birthday. You're almost 40. But I thought in my head, I was pointing it. I would have thought that. I was pointing at myself and I was going, You're creepy. You narcissistic weirdo, creep, self-absorbed world revolves around you. Everybody's got to have a surprise party for me. It's Mikey's 40th. Maybe everybody puts their lives on hold and we have a big 40th birthday party for me. Obviously, it's all about you, right, Mike? I felt like such a creep driving home. And I was going, I actually thought that of myself. I would have thought that too. You guys all would have thought that. I have thought that. We would have. Yeah, Lauren said she's walking to places and be like, no. You put sunglasses on for the flashbulbs. I'm like, wait for it. Wait for it. Hi, everyone.

4:41But, you know, Mikey, Mikey, if Mikey says the word crap, he'll stew about it in his head all day. So, you know him, he'll start thinking about it. He's like, man, I can't believe I thought that. I'm a creep. I'm a creep. And I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell anybody about it. I just kept it between me and God and what a creep I am. Right. And then Friday night, we're supposed to have dinner. My wife and I are supposed to have dinner with our friends, Kimbra and her fiance and Lori and her fiance. She says to me before we leave for said dinner, do you want me to pick your clothes out? Or is it okay if I pick your clothes out? And I thought, yeah, you want to give me my binky too? Change my diaper? That's what we do, though. But see, that was what struck me as odd. She's never said that. I ask her. I say that every time we go somewhere. And by the way, this is what you're wearing. Yeah, see, I ask her. I'll say to Rebecca, I'll go, what do you think of this? Does this match? It's my big, that's my bit. Does this match? Meaning do I look good in this? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so I thought it was unusual, but I certainly didn't think there was anything. I thought, in my head, I thought, wow, am I really that inept at it? I will pick some dumb pair of shorts or something. Maybe. Maybe. She just wants to make sure you're not like, babe, how could you let me leave the house in this shirt? You know I don't really like this shirt. That looked sharp, didn't he?

6:06Yeah, she looked great. She picked it. She looked beautiful. She looked really pretty, my wife. So we get there, and our friend Lori meets us at the door. And the reason, by the way, we decided that we were going to have dinner there was because Rebecca said, yeah, Kimbra, who we're having dinner with, she actually has business at the Four Seasons Aviara. So there's a restaurant in there, and she wants us to go there. And I said, okay. So Kimbra is supposed to be doing business there. So we arrive and when we arrive, Lori is early, which was unusual. She's never, she's never early. She's always late every single time, every single time. And so we, uh, and I thought, well, it's unusual. But Rebecca, you know, was able to handle that by saying, oh my gosh, for once you're early. Nice. She's so good. And so I was like, okay, yeah. Wow. How cool. And Lori says, oh, I just talked to Kimbra and she says, um, that she is at blah, blah, blah, part of the hotel, and when we get here, go get her. And I said, we go, okay. So we're walking to go. This is all brilliant. This is brilliant. It was like a well-oiled machine. Intricate planning. And so I said, okay. So we're walking to go get her, and when we walked outside,

7:29For the corner of my eye I saw a lot of people but didn't recognize anybody I just saw them peripherally and I thought to myself. Oh man We're walking in on somebody doing something like a wedding or something We're walking into that and I and I felt bad and when everybody yelled surprise. I didn't understand I Saw my brother from out of town and I saw our boss and I thought oh intervention They got the wrong guy though. I've already quit drinking. He did. That's what he told me because I thought it was another intervention. Yeah, what is this? And then just pure shock and joy. And I just experienced so much joy that night. So much joy, you know? And was so embarrassed. Woodsy made me cry with his speech. A bunch of people made me cry. It was really embarrassing, the crying thing. Dude, I cried. Oh, man. Weird. Weird that the two guys on the show cried. I wish I could have controlled that. Oh, my gosh. Lauren's making the hand heart. When your dad was talking towards the end of his speech. That was the sweetest speech. Dude, at the beginning, I was looking at him going, what? Where's this going? What? And then, dude, when he's like.

8:46We lost you for a while. And then you came back. Dude, I was like, Jamie, I can't look at me. She's like, look at Mikey. And I'm like, I can't. And, dude, my eyes were welled up with tears. I was like, come on. My dad talked about when I was, you know, going through rehab and all that stuff. Yeah. But it was a really cool night. Oh, so much. It was the most I've ever heard your dad talk. Yeah. I got roasted a little bit by Woodsy. Yep. Got roasted by my friend, Chris. Yeah, he roasted you real good. He roasted you real good. Oh, he roasted me in front of 8,000 people the next night. The next night. By the way, he was wearing the same outfit as Jared, who does our website. Were they really? Yeah. Were they? I didn't notice it. I didn't either. Jared's wife, Tiffany, was like, oh my gosh. They're wearing the same clothes. Yeah, the next night, Chris was up in front of 8,000 people at North Coast Church and goes, He pulls out a, he's illustrating a point. And he pulls out a golf driver. And he goes, hey, so recently I went golfing with some friends of mine. And, you know, I'm working on my game. He goes, and I went golfing with one of the worst golfers I've ever seen in my life. And then he goes, hang on. He goes, let me qualify that. The worst golfer.

10:06That I've ever seen in my life. He goes, I won't say who it is. He goes, his name is Mike, but I won't say more now. And he goes, but everybody calls him Mikey. This is on the heels of him giving you a Fisher Price golf set. Fisher Price golf set, because I'm short. Oh, that was so funny. It was all funny. What else did I make you do? Woods, he made me get up and sing a song. It was great. And I didn't know the words to the song. And it was just like being on the air. I go, Woods, you got the words printed out? He's like, you know, of course not. You know the words. He goes, come on, you feel alive? You have to pull them up on your phone. Thank goodness for iPhones. I know it. I know it. It was a great night. Fun. So much fun. The food was so good. How about Jared's gift? Oh my gosh. Jay hasn't seen it yet. Oh, Jay, wait till you see this thing. You haven't seen it, Jay, right? What is that? Sorry, I was on the phone. Jared, for my birthday, gave us a...

11:03He gave us a painting that's going to go in the new studio that they're building. It's huge. It's the size of that window. Wait until you see it, Jay. Jay's the only one that looks happy. No, I guess Sienna does too. I look like I crawled out from under a rock. Oh, it's a painting of us. Oh my gosh. It's the nicest frame ever. It's so cool. I hope my eyes follow people around the room. The hotel had to deliver it to the house because it was so big. Jamie and I were like, why don't we take it? We have a Suburban. We should have just... Stuck it in the car. Dude, it's so beautiful. And anyway, so that is just beautiful. It's going to go in the new studio. That's the nicest gift. What a cool guy. So cool. Great night. But 5701949 is our number. That was one of the best nights of my life. Yep. It was one of the best nights of my life. It was so fun. I just experienced every single emotion you can possibly experience. And I just loved being with you guys. And I just felt so blessed. I was standing there at one point. And I was talking to somebody, and Rebecca had all my favorite music playing on the speakers. Tell me what she did, how she got your music. Listen to this. Did you guys know this? No. When Lauren posts my musical playlist on Facebook, she would copy and paste it each week and send it to the person that was doing the music. Oh, wow. M1 Herald. M1 Herald.

12:25Yeah. Isn't that crazy? She's a good wife. She's a keeper. She's smart. She's very smart. Her speech to Mike, oh, dude. I know. She's so cute. And I watched some of it the next day because, of course, I had to watch my speech because I am a narcissist. How'd you watch it? Jamie taped it. She had the little hand video. She had the hand video thing, and I watched my speech, and I watched some of Rebecca's, and I was in the car like, it's so sweet, dude. It's really nice. But the song from Switchfoot was playing. Slayed me. And I was standing there talking to somebody and I heard this Switchfoot song playing, you know, on the mix. And part of the lyrics were something like, this is your life. And I heard that while I was in the middle of all this and seeing all you guys and my heart just, oh, it was so cool. Very emotional evening. It was freaking fun though, man. Had a blast. She said, this was the sweetest thing. She goes, you know, after the year that we've had. and some of the heartbreaks that we've been through. She said, I just wanted you to feel loved. And I felt so loved. It was so cool, man. It was just a great night. Happy birthday, Mike. Yeah. My actual birthday is the 31st, a week from today. You still have a whole other week to celebrate. I'm still in my 30s for a week. And we have a blowout scheduled for Friday. Really? Yes. That's cool. It's huge. I'm digging it. Weird, I won't be here. Yeah.

13:51Did you know that a bunch of people from Arizona are not going to come to San Diego? Aww. Too bad. It's a double-edged sword. On one hand, we as San Diegans, we don't want them because we just want our San Diego the way we want our San Diego. We want our beach space, our parking spots in Mission and PB, you know. But the thing is, there's less tourist dollars for us to share. You know, there's a double-edged sword. And the thing is, is Zonies, I'm just going to call them Zonies. We all know what they are. Spade a spade. Snowbirds, snowbirds, snowbirds. They're talking tough right now about boycotting San Diego because the city council and the school board, you know, are knocking their immigration laws. And they're like, look, keep your eyes on your own paper. This is our deal, not yours. We don't mock your laws. Yeah. You know, get out of here with that. So they think that we're sticking our nose in their business and they don't want to contribute to us. Truthfully, this is what I think.

14:48That is true. There are people that are saying it. I think it will equate to about 12 people. Yeah. Honestly. That don't come. Oh, yeah. When it gets to 107 degrees, then keep talking. Yeah. And that's true. True. It'll get hot. And there's a lot of people that are like, really? I got plans to go to San Diego and I'm going. Yeah. I had a meeting in Phoenix one time and I was in a suit and I looked at the thing. It was dead of summer, July. And I looked at the... the deal on your rearview mirror and has the temperature, 125 degrees. I'm not kidding. And I was in a suit. I was like, kill me. How can you live like that? Kill me. It must have been miserable. Well, and I had a meeting in this hospital, so I walked from my car into the deal. I literally had to go into the bathroom, take wet paper towels, put them under my arms, over my head. I was sweating profusely. I had to go in and try to close the deal. Oh, that's awful. Close the deal, though. I don't know how people from Arizona work in that. It's dry heat. They become acclimated to it. Like a friend of mine, when I used to do sales, we would all get together from different territories, and he lived in Phoenix. And when it would get below 70, he'd be like, somebody. I know. Yeah, my family was here from Arizona. They came in for the surprise party, and they were freezing this weekend.

16:04It was butt cold this weekend. That's why. Wasn't it? It was weird. It was freezing. It was so windy yesterday. It was like 45 degrees last night. Yeah, at night. Is this a Nino thing that's going to stop next year? It'll be nice. I think so. This year we're getting May gray, June gloom. I'm done with it, man. I want sunshine and niceness. Yeah. Brittany Murphy's husband's a big story today. What's the deal? This is nuts. Last night, Sunday night, he was found dead in his home in L.A. So sad. They don't know what? No. Well, they're saying the preliminary cause of his death, Simon Monjack, he's a British screenwriter. He was 39 years old. They're saying the preliminary cause is natural death, natural causes. They said that we concluded there are no signs of foul play or any criminal activity involved. Now, they're going to go into detail. But the crazy thing is, is Brittany Murphy died December 20th, you know, a few months ago. Six months later. What are the odds? You know what I mean? Wow. But yeah, the firefighters got a call from a female occupant who apparently lived right near him around 940 last night. What a crazy sad story. You hear about that with older people that can't live. Die of a broken heart. Die of a broken heart, like Johnny and June, Johnny Cash and June Carter. But man, you don't hear about two people so young. I know it. Hey, don't anybody turn the station.

17:29When you hear this, don't anybody turn the station. Don't worry. I'm going to tell you that right now. Don't worry. Last night was the last episode of Lost ever, and I'm not going to spoil it for you. In fact. Sienna and I talked about it today. I yelled at him this morning like, we are not talking about it, Mike. And I said, that's a good idea, actually. I do. I think it's a good idea because there's a lot. It was until like. 1130. 4 a.m. this morning. Two and a half hour finale of the show. And then they had like the hour recap before to get everyone caught up to speed. I think that there's a lot of people that didn't watch it because they got to go to work. And everybody has DVR now. Everybody's DVRing. Except me, who doesn't even have cable. Do you have a TV? Yeah, it turns on and off on its own. All day yesterday, it was just hitting me throughout the day. The very last episode of Lost is on tonight. The last one. Last one. And I couldn't watch it because I wake up so early. So when I get home today, DVR. I was jealous. I was jealous. I was reading all this stuff on Facebook. And I'm like, God, I wish I had something to look forward to tonight. Or do I. But then again, you know.

18:46You could care less. I know. I haven't even gone on my Facebook because I don't want to be tempted to read anything. Or haven't you? I feel like I know the ending. I've never watched a single episode, and I've read enough on Facebook that I kind of know what happened. Don't. I'm not going to say a word. We're not going to spoil it. I'm not going to say a word. So tomorrow we'll talk about it. Yeah, what we'll do is we'll give you 24 hours to catch up on your DVR. We're probably the only morning show in San Diego today that... Maybe in the country. Maybe in the world. Yeah, they'll give you a break and say... We're breaking ground here. We like to be different. Yeah. Sienna's the only one that watches it, but still, tomorrow, I want Sienna to break it down. Like, tell me, explain to me. Because I saw the first season, I know a little bit of stuff, and I want to know how it all wrapped up. Oh, so much. And I really want to know, okay, here's what I'm going to ask listeners, and this will not spoil anything. This won't spoil anything. And you tell me, Sienna, if this is okay. If you go, uh-uh, I don't even want to know that, then we won't. But what I was going to ask listeners is, were you disappointed or did you go, yeah.

19:53cool. No. I don't even want you to ask me. Because I'm so afraid that they're going to leave us hanging because that's what they do on that show. I want an ending and I'm so afraid. So I'm going to know and I'm going to be mad already if they say that they're disappointed. So you'll wrap it up tomorrow? Oh yeah. Well that'll give me a good chance to go file papers. While you guys are talking about it. If I was the creators of Lost I would. pay everything off and completely make people super stoked. Yeah, it's like you're done, you know? Maybe they leave it up to a movie or something. For a movie franchise. I mean, they could do another. No, because a bunch of the actors have already said, like Kate, the girl who plays Kate of Angelina Lillie, she said she's done acting after this. She's not even going to act. Doesn't even want to do anything else. She says that now. I believe her. She wants to go do charity work in other countries. Really? Yeah, so do I. Well, maybe she made a bunch of dough and she can do it. Yeah, sure. I don't know. Sienna's picking the music today. Bill Withers, lovely day. And did you hear about a certain professional tennis player? She's making news today because she played tennis in a real provocative outfit. We saw it on TV and we were like, what the? I can't comprehend. It was like a burlesque show. They had to digitally block out her butt. Her butt.

21:16So we'll tell you what it is that she was wearing and who she is and what happened and the whole thing. Next. Is it Wyclef Jean or Jaune? Jaune. I just say Wyclef. This would be cool. Yeah, it's a good one, Sam. I haven't heard it forever. Welcome back. It's The Mikey Show. You can call us 570-1949 or try us on text message 949mikey at gmail.com. It's like Lauren's cleaning her apartment right now. Yeah, it is. She's dancing. She dances too. I love that song. That song brings back bad memories for the kid. It does? Yeah, I used to, my band used to play. Yeah.

22:32And the clown that played before us used to do that song acoustic, and he would sing it really, really, really high, and it would make you want to blow your brains out. It was the worst thing you'd ever heard. That was your bad memory? That's my bad memory. I was going through a breakup. No! This reminds me of this clown, Lee, that used to play before us. I have a question for Woodsy before we actually hit Woods on sports. Let's do it. Are we going to hear about your game? You'll see. I'm sure it's the top story. Lead story? If they did well. His men's baseball league. Thanks for spoiling the surprise. Did I? Yes. We wasted a good surprise on you. Yeah. I wasted a good surprise on you, Mike. Well, I was going to say I will not be leading off with Woods on Sports. Leading off Woods on Sports with any San Diego Brewers highlights. Well, I guess I just did. You did. We sucked yesterday. We had a five-run. You were in the playoffs. We were in the playoffs. We had a five-run lead, too. And then we got real cocky and stopped hitting the ball. and started making a lot of errors. Your boy made a really bad error yesterday at first base. Got a hit, but, you know, I was on base twice, but it sucked, man. We were terrible. And you lost? We lost. We had our butts handed to us. These guys started hitting everything off the wall. It was crazy. We got smoked. Sorry. You know who didn't suck this weekend? The Padres. Nice. Go, Padres. Went up to Seattle in first place. They're coming home in first. They took two of three from the Seattle Mariners. Matt Latos, again, yesterday, man. Went out and beat.

23:59Felix Hernandez, who's one of the greatest pitchers in baseball, they're doing it with pitching here in San Diego. They have the lowest ERA in the National League, which is nuts, man. That's really good. It's really good. So Petco should be packed this week because you know who's coming to town? Albert Pujols. And the Cardinals are coming to town. This is one of those guys that you pay good money to go see play, and then you tell your grandkids, I saw Albert Pujols play. Absolutely. He is one of those. Michael Jordan. You know, Kobe Bryant, he's one of those guys. Padres have Adrian Gonzalez, but I've always said, that's what we need. We need to sign some big Albert Pujols dudes. Dude, I mean, they couldn't afford him for anything. Yeah. Plus, there's nine people watching him. Congratulations, Padres. Yeah, congrats. And also, the Phoenix Suns have decided to make it interesting. They beat the Lake Show last night 118-109 to cut the series lead to 2-1 for the Lakers. Suns forward Amari Stoudemire came to play. He had 42 points and 11 boards. His heart had been questioned. You know, his dedication to his craft had been questioned. But here he wants to address that. Cut one.

25:06My dedication to the game should never be questioned. I'm always giving 100%. That's why I work hard every summer. That's why I persevere through injuries. So I try to dedicate my game to the game of basketball. So with that being said, I came out tonight with a chip on our shoulder. It was a must-win force, and we got it. Yeah, they did. They played really, really well. So it's not over. No, hell no, man. Two to one. Steve Nash, in addition to dishing out 15 assists, also had his face rearranged by Derek Fisher. You can love the guy. You can hate the guy. The guy's a man. Yeah. He's a ball player. He got hit in the face again? Yeah, his nose. Remember, because he broke his nose. What is going on? Sienna, this is crazy what happened. He and Fisher, Derek Fisher collided. He says it didn't break his nose. Everybody else says it did break his nose, but he's running down the court and he's pushing it back into place. Oh, gosh. As he's running. As he's running. Once you break it once. My dad broke his nose five times. Mine, too. Like seven. Once you break it once, it's really easy to break it again. I just topped you, by the way. I just topped you, by the way. Weird. Sorry. Is it because he's, like, shorter than the other guys? No, he's just aggressive. He just plays really, really aggressively. Is he going to wear one of those plastic, like, welder's masks? He's probably going to have to. But he's actually, he wants to talk about it here for you, Mike.

26:15cut too. Still nicely curved. Oh, filthy, filthy, filthy. And they have to reset it. Oh, I've broken my nose once. It's not good. Imagine it was girls playing basketball. Oh, my gosh. Well, it's nice to see this one turning into somewhat of a series, unlike the one in Boston. The Magic have pretty much given up. They're down 3-0. You know, they're all-world center. Dwight Howard, self-proclaimed Superman. The guy after they lost the other day goes, Yeah, you know, our body showed up, but our hearts and our minds just weren't in it tonight. You're in the freaking semifinals, dude, and you get paid a lot of money. Maybe you want to check in. Maybe check in for that. Yeah, your hearts and your minds should be there. Yeah, and that's just what you want to hear from your all-stars. Yeah, maybe we're just not really into it this year. So the Celtics are up 3-0. It's still shaping up to be a nice Celts-Lakers final, so that'll be pretty cool.

27:22Also, Venus Williams looked like one of Tiger Woods' girls yesterday. She played in the French Open. No, no, no. She's literally wearing lingerie. I don't understand. She's in lingerie. I got to lose the music because this is so... What, Woods? What is this? It's like a black negligee with lace around it, like ruffles. Listen. They digitized her butt cheeks out of the picture that they showed on TV. You have to be confident because you're running around. Things are moving. What is the point, though? Shock value. Is there anything? Maybe I go to more tennis games. Shock value. Maybe I go to more tennis games. Maybe watch more tennis matches on TV. Do you think that's what she was doing? Or she lost it? That's the other reason. She wants to focus on her tennis. She went out and she beat Patty Schneider in straight sets. I've done that. It's lingerie. It's a negligee. Oh, yeah. I thought you were going to go, well, see, she said that this is to show blah, blah, blah to this cause. Right, right. Nothing. She just did it. The salutes of America, what? Weird. What cause could you have? I mean, she's in a nightie. She's in a nightie. Yeah. Weird. It's so weird. I thought there was an explanation. There's no explanation. She just did it. Well, now she'll get interviews and whatever she's going for, she'll get because of it. Whoa.

28:44It's the last thing I thought you were going to say. I would have thought like Anna Kornikova just being inappropriate. Little angel. Yeah. Little angel. I'm sweating. How old is Anna Kornikova now? Who cares? She's hot. She's smoking hot. She's like maybe 27. She never won a thing. But the worst tennis player ever. No, the worst for a pro tennis player. Yeah, she could beat Mikey and I, and that's about it. No, that's not true. She's terrible. She's terrible. She's terrible for the caliber that she's in. I don't think she's ever won a tournament. Maybe one? But if she played against just a Joe Schmoe. Oh, yeah, she'd beat Mike and I, but we're not professional tennis players. And Woods is right. She's never won any of the big-time tournaments. She's just extraordinarily pretty. Yeah. She's very hot. But she's also very good. At the pro level, she's not the best of the best. If you've been a pro 10 years, you need to win something. Maybe they keep her in for the ratings. Maybe they do. You can't blame her. Is she playing anymore? I'd buy a ticket to go watch her play. I bet you would. She's so cute. That's what she is. She's very cute. Is she the one that was with Enrique Iglesias? I think they're still together. Long time. He can be my hero.

29:52Finally, it was a sad day yesterday for any baseball fan. One of the game's most free-spirited and extroverted players passed on to the next plane. Jose Lima spent time with the Dodgers, Tigers, Royals, Mets, and Astros. He died of a heart attack. at age 37. I saw it all over the news yesterday. Oh, that is so scary. He won 21 games in 99 with the Astros. He's known for his boisterous personality and his Lima time. He calls it Lima time. He called it Lima time. So whenever he walked in a room, he was always singing songs. He's dancing and he'd sign autographs. He'd ask the kids, what time is it? And they'd all yell Lima time. So he was gone too soon. Jose Lima, one of the great pitchers in baseball. Our number here is 570-1949. I had one more story. Freaking terrible right now. Are they? Yeah, that's it. So good. They lost to the Mets, right? Yeah, twice. Two out of three. Suck. Don't worry, they'll come back. Will they? Did you break anything in your house? No. I was so baseballed out last night after playing a game. I was like, I'm done. I don't even want to watch. I watched like the first two innings. I said, honey, I'm not going to do it to you. We watched like four games last week in their entirety. In a little bit, I'm going to tell you about Facebook and MySpace giving your information out again. Perfect. They got caught.

31:03Mm-hmm. They got caught, and we'll tell you about it in just a second. There was a dumb guy in the state of... Washington. Washington. Mm-hmm. Who just doesn't know how to... Figure it out. He doesn't know how to dial a phone, apparently. Yeah, maybe dyslexic. There's this guy. He's staying at the Wenatchee World Motel, and he was trying to call someone else staying at the motel in a different room. He wanted to call room 119. What did he do? He called. 9-1-1. Officers showed up, you know, he hung up after he realized he called 9-1-1. Officers showed up to find that there was, in fact, a problem in this room and arrested a guy who had drugs on him, heroin and other drugs. Let's take a listen to the call. Oh, gosh. 9-1-1, can I help you? Is this 1-1-9? No, sir, this is 9-1-1. Oh, so you're the guy in room 1-1-9. Listen, I need to place an order with you, like, ASAP.

32:08I need some drugs, and I need some paraphernalia. I need a couple of scales and some little baggies. I need some bad stuff. I need some stuff that's going to land me in prison, and maybe some firearms if you have any. some fireworks in there, too. Great. Okay. Well, I'll tell you what. We'll send an officer down there, and we'll take care of you right away, buddy. Oh, good. So, the guy I'm looking for, his name is Officer? Uh-huh. Okay. Yep, there's a guy coming down there with everything you need, and his name is Officer. Well, I have the money and everything here, so, like, if he just knocks on my door, I'll either be in the shower or filing papers. Great, great. So, you can just come on in. Be right there. All right, man. Bye-bye. Later. How does that happen? Some bad stuff. Some bad stuff. Fireworks. Bring me some bad stuff. Fireworks. That guy making a phone call sure was eating a lot. I think he had an apple. Maybe he got up early to go to work. Yeah. And he was hungry. Sounds like it. Wow. Let's see. So, yeah, the Facebook thing. The Facebook and MySpace. What are they giving out that they shouldn't be giving out? You know what's scary is I've actually read three stories now about this.

33:31Facebook and MySpace have been caught releasing user data. Like what? Like our information, our usernames, our ID numbers. And then with that stuff, people can find out where we live, names, occupation, incomes, places of employment. And they're giving this to advertising companies. Creepers? Yeah. Creepers. That's insane. It's insane. Maybe they keep their eyes. On their own paper. Yeah. The Wall Street Journal is reporting this. And they say that, yeah, these companies have delivered user data to major online advertising companies such as Google's DoubleClick and Yahoo's Right Media. And the journal said that they contacted Facebook and the company announced a change in software to prevent transmission of the identifying code. Appreciate it, guys. Yeah. We should be pointing our fingers at both Facebook and the people that want that data. Yeah. That's true. Why don't both of them let us just. Leave us. Yeah. I say so much about stuff. Like, can we just get up every day, go to work, come home and see our families? Yeah. I'm telling you, I've recently been thinking more and more about getting rid of my Facebook. Me too. Really? I've been reading some scary stuff. Would I be allowed to, Mike? Yeah, you guys can do whatever you want. I mean, I've thought about it too, but I really like what it allows. You know what I wish we could do? I wish that we could create the same thing for ourselves.

34:54That's what I wish. You know, I wish that we could have what Facebook is, but have our own version of it so that we don't have to deal with everything that comes along with Facebook. It's called a website. Email address. Online photo album. You can do it. Have a website. Have your own website. SteveWoods.com. You can do it. It's still a lot of work. That's what I'm thinking. I don't know. I think that a lot of our listeners are annoyed by it. I think that we're annoyed by it. Oh, I know my friends that aren't, you know, M1s that live in Dallas and live in Chicago. They're like, really, dude, with the 6,000 Facebook messages a day? Yeah, I know. My friends don't comment anymore. Yeah, mine either. My friends don't talk to me anymore. Well, you can turn, your friends can turn that off. I'm sure they have. Yeah, I have turned all that off. Will you fix me up? I don't know how to do any of that. I just see it when I log in now instead of constant updates on my phone. It gets annoying. It does. I get 50,000 things on my phone a day. I don't mind it. I like visiting with my peeps. Yeah, I don't mind it, but I don't like my phone. I have this OCD thing. If my phone's little red light is flashing, I'm like, stop it. I have to look at every single thing.

36:09We have multiple email addresses, though, so why don't you just hook it up to a different email that's not connected to your phone? They're all connected to my phone. Oh, see, I have one that isn't, so it's just like, meh. I have a question. Well, Lauren, how come you don't make it so that you don't get those notifications? I try to, and then a few will, like, honestly, they just slip past the goalie, and they come in. Really? Yeah. That's wrong, man. Also, I talked about it before. I'm listening to this book on tape, Crazy Busy. And it's like talking about how we have all these stimuli now that actually recreate ADD for people. So for people that don't actually have it, genetically have it, it's creating this false ADD. I'm sitting there on the way to work this morning listening to the symptoms of ADD, and I spaced out. 30 seconds later, I was like, wait, what am I doing? It's weird that you spaced out. Spaced out during hearing about... ADD. But I'm like, it's Facebook's fault. It's Facebook's fault. It's our lives. Listen, this weekend, one of the things that we did was my wife reorganized with a professional organizer. Yeah, this is what it's come to. Reorganized our kitchen. And we got rid of a bunch of stuff, and it's really cool because part of the deal with this organizer is that they haul everything out and give you a receipt from Goodwill for the stuff that was donated. That is so nice. Really cool.

37:36And so and I thought about it. It made our lives a lot simpler. I went through our drawers and like it used to be like a rat's nest. In fact, we couldn't even open the drawer because there was so many. There was like nine tongs. Yeah. In the drawer and you couldn't open. You'd have to put your hand in there to get the tongs off the top of the shelf to pull it out. Jam your finger. Jam your finger. Now there's like two tongs. Did you flip out? Dude, I actually really like it. Do you or when you saw the stuff that they got rid of where you like way different than I expected when I started looking at all the stuff I said and they were my wife and the organizer were both commenting like wow You're really getting rid of a lot of stuff. I said I want it simpler. I think I I prefer a simpler life You keep your little guacamole mortar and pestle of course It's hard to get rid of stuff, but once you decide and you put one thing that you really are like, can I part with this? And once you decide to get rid of it, then it gets a lot easier to just keep throwing more things in the pile. And then you're like, oh, it feels great. You don't miss it.

38:39I love it. I do it every time I move. You want to hang out in your kitchen. Every time I move, I throw everything away and start fresh. Like spring cleaning. I would love to look at the pile of stuff Mikey was giving away. Me too. I bet there was some good stuff. Fur coats. Fur coats. Diamond crusted spoons. Hey, how about next time you let us go through it? Silver platters. How many throngs do we need? How many mink stoles do I need, okay? How many mink stoles? So, did you throw away all your Manolo Blahniks? Really? I still love the things that I love about Facebook though, which are I love being able to keep track of old friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. I love being able to see pictures of old friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. I love to be able to communicate with listeners in a way that I otherwise wouldn't have. I just don't like dealing with all the stuff that's negative that comes along with it. And it's like recently there's just been so many negative things. You mean like Red Sox fans?

39:40Is that what you mean? Hitting you up. Hitting me. Like, if the Red Sox get a bass hit, I get 40 messages. You see that? Pedroia just hit one off the monster. In your face. Yeah. I didn't throw the friggin' pitch. Okay? Yeah. Maybe you relax. For me, it's my own self-control. I'll end up looking at someone. I haven't talked to them in 12 years, and I'm looking at every single photo album they have and the comments on it. I'm like, hoo-hoo. If there is anyone listening right now that has never been to Hash House of Go-Go in Hillcrest. I've never been. Oh, Sienna. And I've lived here my whole life. Sienna, go this weekend. Seriously. My husband's, like, not a big eater. It sucks. This will change him. This place will change Todd. Okay. He'll love it so much. If they have eggs and sausage, he's in. Where's he from? Pennsylvania? Mm-hmm. I'm telling you. It'll be right up his alley. It's good home, you know, like, down home. Fried chicken. Oh, my God. Mashed potatoes. He likes mashed potatoes. The plates are like surfboards. Yeah. And it's just delicious. We went there yesterday. It was so cool having my family in town. What time did you go? For breakfast, we went at 10.30. Oh, you waited. Yeah, it was a giant line. We actually got lucky because we had a party of 11. And so because we had so many people, there was a table of 10 leaving. Wow. The last time I went, I went at like 8.30.

41:05Walked right in. No wait. If you go real early, you'll get in there. But between 9 and 10.30, there's going to be a long line of people. Like an hour, hour and a half. I have to go. And people will wait because it's that good. Delicious food. Did you know this, that there's a video feed of the oil spill going... Oh, gosh. I could not watch that. Me either. It would make me so anxious just knowing that that's billowing into the ocean. That is insane. And it's been billowing into the ocean. for over a month. Maybe we just all show up with our used chewing gum. Plug it in there. This is pretty nuts. Since news broke of this video feed online, the live feed has caused surges to search 1,725%. People are searching for BP oil spill live feed, BP live feed. They just want to see it. Everyone around the world is just sitting looking at this. It's just oil. You know? So terrible. How come if they can get a camera down there? They can't get in and plug it? I just don't understand. That's what a lot of people are saying. The government's not happy right now. And I was watching this weekend. They were asking the White House press secretary, hey, you know, if this were another president, like, say, President Bush, would he be getting a lot of flack for this? And the obvious answer, they didn't say that.

42:27White House secretary didn't say yes, but I believe the answer is yes. But with that being said, I will say I don't blame this on President Obama. No, you blame a BP. I wouldn't have blamed President Bush either. No. You blame BP. You blame BP. for not having any plan for a bunch of garbage spilling into the ocean. Well, yesterday the federal government threatened to remove BP from efforts to seal the well if it doesn't get any better. Duh. Yeah. But they also know... You know what BP's saying? Please, will you please? Will you please? Yes. But the government also knows, okay, only BP and the oil industry know how to do that. You know, who else has the means to do that? It's the worst. Somebody does. It's the worst. What about Bruce Willis and his Armageddon? I know. Get Bruce out there. This weekend, Woods went to the dog beach with his five dogs. Weird. He's got five little Yorkies. Torture. Four Yorkies in a lab, right? Four Yorkies in a lab. My wife goes, let's take them all to the beach. I said, honey, no. And then I was like, well, we can't just take two, and then the other three will be heartbroken. Imagine their car. They have a big Suburban. You went right in the middle of the day, too, huh? Yep.

43:38Sure did. So we call at my brother and I call Woods and go, what are you doing? He goes, we're going to dog beach with all the dogs. And I know that's right up my brother's alley. He loves that. He loves it. And so I said to my brother, you want to do that? And he's like, yeah. I said, Woods, you want some company? He's like, yeah, come on down here. So we cruised down there and we got there right around the time that Woods was pulling up. So if you've ever been to dog beach in Del Mar, you park on the side of the road. Yep. That's where you park. And so Woods has just pulled up and- Had to back in parallel park. Parallel parks. And we pull up next to him to let him know, hey, we're here too. And right at that time, we roll down our passenger side window and Woods rolls down his driver's side window. Right at that moment, a woman biker in a yellow biking outfit- Yeah, U.S. Postal Service. Right. She rolls by and curses at Woods. She stops her thing next to my window and goes, She said... Were you in the parking spot or were you in the bike lane? I was in my parking spot with my window down. Mike was next to me in the street saying, Woodsy, I've never been here. Where do I park? And I'm like, dude, there's a couple spots there. There's a couple spots. We were there for three seconds. Mrs. Lance Armstrong drives by on her bike and goes, well, I guess I'll move my bike since you left me no effing option. Just like that. Now, I'm like, wow, that was a pretty strong reaction. But Woods goes, and I quote,

45:06Oh, no. Woods goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good luck on the tour, Lance. Yeah. I go, hey, I go, hey, why don't you settle down first of all? And I said, good luck on the tour, Lance. Get, dude. Now, his wife, his wife, Jamie, who usually is like, dear, stop it. Burst out loud. We burst out loud. I mean, it was, I'm sorry. It was a brilliant line. I bet that lady bicycled away and even thought to herself, that was pretty good. She was driving away like, damn it. You get luck on the tour. It was fantastic. I was so mad. Sienna's picking the music today. Little Bobby McFerrin, take you back. How about that? Now, check this out. You just sounded like a DJ. Take you back. Take you back. Take you back. 94. Bobby McFerrin, don't worry. Be happy. So check this out. So last night, couple shows ended. Last night, Lost ended, right? Forever. Yes, forever. But they wrapped up Celebrity Apprentice 2. Bret Michaels wins. Yay! Okay, Bret Michaels wins now. Really? Did he? That's the deal, Sienna. That's the deal. Did he? Sympathy win. He got asked some pretty tough questions. Like, should you win this thing, Bret, out of sympathy? Oh, no. I'm glad they asked him that, though.

46:32And also, they ask his competitor. They go, so do you think Brett won out of sympathy? Yes. No. Sorry. We'll play you what all the reactions were next. Thank you, Sienna, for a little Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx and Justin Timberlake. Song's called Winter. Sienna says they're playing it at the Laker games right now. Yeah, they play it like every game. I love it. You know that, dog. By the way, if you want to play Name That Tune, that's what we call our version of this game. What it really is, is...

47:43Jay plays little clips from movies or whatever. Woods gets hosed into losing even though he wins. You always win. That's what we call it. Quit your whining. Woods checks out the answers beforehand before the show starts. Such BS. I won last time. Did you? I did, actually. What you do, M1's, by the way, M1's Mikey Show listeners, what you do is you call right now, you pick a horse, either me, Sienna, Woods, or Lauren. Best bet would be Woods. He knows the answers already. Now... He's so mad. Do I? Do I? Do I? Call us right now. You pick a horse. He has an amazing ability. I'll hand it to him. He's good. Am I? No. Can't win. All right. This morning, I had Jay and Mike in the studio when I was loading my audio. I said, I don't want to know. I've never wanted to know. That's right. Oh, just today you don't want to know. No, he likes to win on his own marriage. New strategy. Me and Jay, we're going, don't you? Don't you. Brett Michaels won Celebrity Apprentice. Weird. Last night. And there's kind of a controversy about it because you know that Brett just had a brain aneurysm. And a lot of people were going. And a stroke. And a stroke. And a stroke. Gosh. And it's live. Yeah.

49:03This thing last night was live. So was he there? He was there. He's in the hospital. No, that was the big question last week. Is he going to make it to this final episode? I kind of agree with Woods. Maybe he's risked. Yeah. There were a lot of people really upset about it. Well, anyway, they asked him about it. Are you risking your life by doing this? Brett, they didn't want you to be here tonight. Are you risked at all? Right. Believe me. Not at all. Are you risking your life being here? By the way, when Donald Trump just said, believe me, I know what that meant. It meant NBC was probably flooded with people going, this is wrong. Yeah. You out of your mind? Yeah. This is a lot of pressure. Lately, it seems like me just standing up is risking my life, so I'm just... I've become like the rat boy, the medical experiment over here. It's one of those things where everything that happens just is, you know, it's been crazy, honestly, for about a month and a half. I've felt I was healthy. I love being on the show, and it's been a rough go, but I'm glad I'm here. And, yes, it's been a risk, but I wanted to be here, and I all respect to Holly. I said this. I said I didn't travel this far in this much pain to lose. Okay. Holly was the other finalist. Holly Robinson-Pete. Yep.

50:10She's the wife of Rodney Pete, who used to be an NFL quarterback. And so anyway, this was last night. So here's what happens, right? So he wins, and he gets asked some pretty tough questions about winning. Sympathy vote. Oh, boy. Listen to this. Yes, in a way, I did lose my momentum because, you know, the whole world, the guy who was on the cover of People magazine, lucky to be alive on the Oprah show. I mean, it's, you know, it's Mike. Michael's mania is Bretmania, so you can't really... That said, I really do feel like I did a good job. I was the only... No, you didn't do a good job. You did a great job. Yeah, in other words, I should have won. That's, yeah, that's kind of... She's handled it with a little class. That was like a backhanded compliment. I didn't think so. A little passive-aggressive. I would have said the same thing. I know. Yeah. I guess the question is, is there any chance that Bret Michaels doesn't win after going through what he just went through? Yes. Really? Yeah. No. I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of hard. I mean, the prize is you run some sort of business of Donald Trump's. No, you win a lot of money for a charity. You win $250,000 for a charity. Mm-hmm. A quarter of a mil for your charity of your choice, you know? Yeah, then maybe. Different than the regular apprentice. Yep. So here they ask Brett, hey, Brett, you think you won because people felt sorry for you? Is that why this happened? Here's what I was going to say until earlier. Once I saw her dress.

51:33And I saw she's playing the hotness card. I'll take a vote any way I get it. If it's sympathy right now, I'm taking it. Lauren. As a chick, would that make you mad? Would you be like, what? Give me a break. What am I wearing? Yeah. Right? If I wasn't playing the hotness card. Right, if you're just dressed. What do you mean? Yeah, what are you talking about? It's just how I dress, creep. I'd be like, pulling down my top. You know that? Wouldn't work for me. So this is a voting bit? Like people call in and vote? No, Trump decides. Yeah, I hate it. But still. People are gone. Well, what kind of a D is he if he doesn't give it to Bret Michaels? Well, he could be like, I'm a businessman with integrity. I'm a businessman. You're fired. Does he have integrity, though? It's Donald Trump. It's cool that they were all really so lighthearted about it, though, laughing. He was making jokes. It's all charity. It's cool. M1 Yak, who would you like and name that tune? Yak? Your boy, Wood. Of course. Weird. Whose boy? Hang on the line. M1 Sanjaya, who would you like? Sanjaya. It's because I won last week. I think that's the only reason. Jay, what's the prize? I have a pair of tickets to see Silver Sun pickups at Soma on August 7th, and I have a pair of either Anarchy or Angel sunglasses. Nice. Killer, dude. Great prize. Silver Sun tickets? Nice. M1 Chemistry, who do you want to pick? Chemistry. Hello? Hi. What up? Yeah, who would you like, bro? I'd like you, Mike. You got it. Weird. Finally, M1 Boost, you've got Lauren.

53:10Nice. Hang on. You just got Lauren. You just got Lauren. That's right. Okay, I'm going to go to the other side of the board. Just let me run the board today. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? I'm going to get hosed anyway. I mean, actually, you know what? I'm not the one that gets hosed, you guys. The listener is the guy that gets hosed. Yeah. I guess you don't appreciate our listeners as much as I do. Oh, God. The kid plays for the listener. Stop talking. Yeah, I'm a man of the people, dude. I try to win for the listener. All right. Don't I? No. Our listeners get hosed. Is there a theme today, Jay? It's songs. All right, we use our name as a buzzer. Oh, this will be my strength. Today's songs, it's a genuine name, that tune. Is that correct? Yes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's just lay the ground rules. Go ahead, Lauren. For God's sakes. We have to name the title and the artist? Either or. Either or? What? Yeah, title or artist. That's how we've always done this. That's what we've always done. How much are these questions worth, by the way? How about you shut your pile? Yeah, you start with one. Keep your eyes. Then they get higher. Okay. Here we go. Lauren. Naz. Mikey. Jay-Z. Oh, wow. That's a minus. That point taken away from point. I know it. I just keep going. Continue playing. I always mixed up those two. See you next time.

54:3750 Cent! There you go, Sanjaya! I'm the worst. Here we go. I said Nas. Here we go. I'm the second worst. Lauren. Madonna. Wow! That was good! What song was that? Life is a master. It is? They have sirens and stuff? Laura's got a scary look at when she does it. I'm really getting into it. Here we go. She had the cone boobs. Yeah. Died my hair black and curled it. That's right. That was quick. Woods. Dave Matthews. Oh, that's good. Wow, Woods. Woods and I are tied. Dave Matthews. Woods and I are tied. Susanna stepped in for Woods. One to one. Mikey, negative one. Lauren, zero. Great. Woods. Oasis. Mike, you're a jerk. I knew that too. Look at Woods. He sits there with his arms crossed, dipping his mouth like, you know I'm going to kill you guys. I'm going to copy. I'm going to get in the zone. Here we go. Here he goes. Mikey. I think Mike got her. I think it was Lauren. Oh, okay. Billy Joel, we didn't start the fire. Dang you. Oh, ouch. Mikey was louder. I think that's what it was. Here we go. Let's do this. Mikey. Fine.

56:15Mikey. Men at work. You guys, this is good so far. Yes. I've got zero points. Yes. Okay. Here we go. Woods. Salt-N-Pepa. Oh, wow. Jesus. His brain works faster than mine. Okay. Save that clip. We all know that. Woods has three. Lauren and I have one. Mikey has zero. Woods. Mikey. Men without hats. No, that's wrong. That's wrong. Oh, it is. That's wrong. Woods. Men with hats. I think it's men with hats. Oh, damn it, you're wrong. I thought it was men with hats. Oh, my gosh. All right, take a point away from me. That was the ultimate victory. No, he'd already answered correct. No, he'd already answered correct. You're not the judge. He gets a point away. He got it right. He got it right. I got to guess. Oh, wow. Woods finally catches a break in eight months. Yeah.

57:13How about you let me do the judging, though? No, you got it wrong. And I got one big point, bro. He said woods, men with hats. Here we go. Sienna, where you at? Chill out, I'm not you, buddy. Where you at? That old sun comes up every morning. George Strait? Really? Can't we just say the name Toby and be right now? I know. I want to say it. I want to say it too. Woods, Toby Keith. Okay, I'm going to say my guess. Gary Allen. Damn. We all guess the only country singers we know. That's too old. Say it. Say it. All right. It was Allen Jackson. It's just that way. It's the same thing. I said Gary Allen. I said George Strait. I know. Here we go. Are we ready? Okay. Woods.

58:24Jimmy Buffett. Yeah! Great job. Really? Here we go. What's his score? What's his score? Woods has three. Mikey has one. Lauren and I have zero. Okay. Here it comes. Boy, he kept it fair today, dude. These are like... Sienna? Big and rich? Damn it. That's a good guess. Waiting on Saturday night. I've never heard this and I like Brooks and done

59:24I was loading that in. I don't even like country and I was loading that in. I was like, I like this song. All right, Mike. Swinging my lasso. Woods has you by one point. You got this, Mike. Here we go. Lauren. That was Mike that time. Lauren. Elton John. There we go. Okay, this is getting tight. All right. Here we go. What's the score? What's the score? Lauren one. Woods three. Mikey two. We'll just skip it. Here we go. Get ready for this. Lauren. Wilson Phillips. How can I knock it? Who? Wilson Phillips. That's Mikey's crying song. That's Mikey's song. Dang it. I'm getting sweaty. Okay. Gross. Paisley. Mud on the tires. Wow, Sienna might be back in. No, it's not mud on the tires, but it is red. Just cut your losses. Let me just check you for ticks. Oh, yeah. Ew. What an idiot. This is the closest game we've probably ever played. Maybe we stick to songs. Lauren 2, Woods 3, Me 2, and Sienna 0. Thanks. Here we go. Mikey. That was Lauren. Lauren. Alphaville, Forever Young. Woods. Woods. Woods. Woods. Woods. Jay-Z.

1:01:04Yeah! No! I was going to say what you said, Lauren. It's the hook from that. No, it's Jay-Z featuring Mr. Hudson, which is the Alphaville remake. It's a sample song. I can't really help you. All right. Here we go. Lauren. Lauren. Eminem. I knew that one. Please stand out. So we got two left here. Let's get the score. Five apiece. Okay, here's the score. Lauren, two. Woods, four. Mikey, two. Sienna, zero. Oh, come on. Five apiece. Sorry, Sanjana. These last two are worth five apiece. Let's do it. Here we go. Oh, my gosh. Be on your game. And here we go. Woods. Oh, Woods. That's good. That's good. Dang it! Okay, last one. Okay. Ten points. Five points. Oh, my gosh. Ten points to make it fun. Yeah, let's F the listeners. I'm just thinking F you. Here we go. Mikey. Is that the same thing? That was Mikey. Queen. Yeah, of course. Lauren. Lauren. Pressure. Under pressure. What? Lauren won! Lauren won! She won with a one!

1:02:23What I thought we were doing I thought we've done artists Well, I won again, I won again That's unbelievable so You knew it. That's why you got stuck with me. Where is that coming from? I'm running the board next week, by the way. Wow. That was fantastic. That was fantastic. I will say, though, it doesn't feel like a true victory. Yeah, as it shouldn't. Oh, it does to me. All right, Booth. I say that was fantastic. I like how it makes it a little bit interesting. Oh, yeah, it's great. It does make it a little bit interesting. I'm going to run the board.

1:03:21I'm running the board. At least we were close that time. That was great. Then we should have kept it legit because it probably could have shaken out pretty close. I get so excited. I just want everyone to win Buttonwoods. I know. It's the worst. Hey, Boots. Yeah. Sunglasses. Silver Sun pick-up tickets. Silver Sun pick-up tickets. Oh, that's sick, man. Hang on the line, bro. Hang on the line. You're welcome. Whoever had me, you got hosed, pal. Sorry, Sanjaya. He almost picked you. Sanjaya is mad. Not poor me. Not poor me. No, I will say poor you because during commercial break, what people, just to pull the curtain back a little bit, I say poor you because Woodsy's already taken a little bit of a beating by his sisters, Lauren and Sienna, today because during the commercial break, Sienna was like, is that you breathing? Again? Again? He is the loudest breather. I am. Is that Fatty McGee? He does. Your wife tells you the same thing, right? My wife, my brother. I used to go to movies with my brother a lot, and we'd be watching a movie. He'd go, dude, shut up. And I'm like, what? He's like, you're breathing so loud. I'm like, I am? I have no idea. Dude, that's a topic within itself. People that, like, what do you do that drives your friends, your wife crazy? I guess it's like kind of an annoying habit, but you're not even aware of it. Well, dude, Mikey, when I, when Mikey.

1:04:50and I talked about me joining the show, I was really nervous because I've heard this about myself, but I can't control it. I don't know when I'm doing it. And I'm like, bro, I'm flipping out because I'm going to be on the air like this. Yeah. And the Yankees. Beat the Red Sox last night. This is what was incredible. We were in the commercial break, and the monitors in here were up, so, you know, it was loud with just the speakers up, and Sienna goes, Woods, is that you with the breathing? She gets me in the morning. Because I'm sitting here trying to, like, read news stories, and all I hear is... Yeah, it sounds like... And you would think that I'd be able to hear myself going... It comes from his nose. You guys just all being perfect? 570-1949. No, I have them too. I guarantee we all do. Tell us what your thing is or what your spouse's thing is. Woods. What? I just said I guarantee we all do and you get a smirk on your face. Yeah, Lauren have a couple, Woodsy? No. Really? She's perfect. Really? How about every time the commercials are on, we hear Craig and O'Reilly. All right.

1:06:00Lauren sings every single time. I can't help it. Every time. There's another one. All right. There's another one. BMW and Caminas. Now you can. Every. freaking time it comes on. We don't mean 99% of the time. No, 100% of the time. Every single time. She'll be walking in from the bathroom and be singing BMW Encinitas Now You Can. Oh, so catchy. Maybe something will happen and she'll be sad about it. Doesn't matter. She'll be in the middle of bawling about something and go BMW Encinitas Now You Can. That is 100% the truth. Right there. 5701949. What do you do that your spouse always says to you? Stop. Stop doing that. Stop doing that. Stop doing that. You know what you do? What? When... Oh, God. A million things. I'll do it. I'll call him out. A million things. So, like, when we're talking about something sometimes, and Mikey will get in his head, there's this dynamite piece of Oprah Winfrey audio that he just has to get on. He's got to get it on because if he doesn't get it on, this show's going to... The world will end. It's going to end. Yeah. And we'll be like, isn't that right, Mike? And Mike's like, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:07:10Or like, you know, it's your bit, though. And I haven't heard a word. Like, he's not listening and he just says, okay, yeah, cool. Mikey, there's Martians walking in here with death rays to kill you. No way. Oh, kill you. Cool. You do that. He's trying to find that Oprah audio so bad. I have another Lauren one. What? What about Sienna? I have another Lauren one. What? I know what it is. When we're all dying laughing hysterically about something and we go, right, Lauren? And Lauren goes, what's that? What? What's that? What? You mean on the air or in real life? In real life. No, in real life. In both. Probably both. Off the air. I know. I'm telling you, after that incident in the car this morning, I think I might have ADD. You think? We'll be telling Lauren something really nice about her, and she'll be like, what's that? What? You've viewed like five minutes on it that you've thought. And like if you want to tell something funny, it really loses steam after you have to say it again. You're like, well, Mikey was just saying that he peed in his pants and it's not as funny now. I know. It's only good that first time. 570-1949. What does your spouse do?

1:08:14that you can't get them to stop. Or your co-worker. Or your co-worker. Sienna reads her news stories out loud sometimes when she's reading her stories in the morning. What do you mean? That's usually because you guys are all talking and I'm trying to get in the zone, so I just start reading out loud. Sienna hates the mornings because we'll come in. I guarantee. I'll start talking to Jessie about music. I'm like... So what do you think of the new Broken Bells? And he's like, well, you know, Broken Bells. And we start talking. Sienna's like, I'm going to murder you. And I'm like, so what do you think about the Broken Bells? I do. But sometimes even when I'm typing in it, that's not the case. I still will talk out loud what I'm typing, you know. M1 Strap from La Mesa. What do you do? Yeah, my wife, she trips out, goes crazy. But I'm a pretty big guy. And I'm coming out of the bathroom in the morning singing, yo. Every morning? Every morning? Why? Why? That's his theme song. That's his thing. He's a pirate. Hey Woods, that's my bit. That's your bit, dude. I thought he almost said a bad word. That's his bit.

1:09:20570-1949. I want to hear these. I like these. Absolutely. We've got to come back to these. You know, my wife thinks it's hysterical, especially after 300 times when she goes, what's that movie about? And I go, about two hours. She thinks that's bad. She still thinks that's funny? Yeah, she stares at me. She goes, really? She goes, really? Like that many times? Lauren thought I was being serious. I did, too. Because I was like, I was over it like the third time you said it. No, I think it's funny as hell. Everything she says, I start laughing. Yeah, the very first time, I thought it was funny. Now, after 900 times, she just stares at me like, really? That's like my dad. Did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut. Got them all cut? All cut. It's such a week. Every time. Frau, Frau, let go. Sienna's picks today. 570-1949. Tell us what it is that your coworker does, or that you do, or that your spouse does, that you're like, can you please stop? doing that. 570-1949-4949mikey at gmail.com We're getting a lot of calls on this. It's great. Annoying habits of co-workers or spouses or whatever. I love the co-worker thing because it happened off the air with Woods and Sienna. What about Jay? Does Jay have any? I don't know. I have one for Jay. What? Well, he's just...

1:11:11Went to pee pee or something. But he likes to fart in the tiny little closet studio where I load audio in the morning. So I walk in there and it smells like a toilet. It's great. Wow, you're going all out. What do you mean going all out? He's not even here to defend himself. Well, here's the thing. He's getting a sandwich. Here's the deal. By the time I get here. By the time I get here, Jay's studio door is open, and it's been open, and so if there was any remnants, they're gone. Man, somebody's talking some smack in there. Like Foghorn Leghorn. 5701-949. M1 Marcy from South San Diego. What do your kids do? No, my husband. Well, my big kid, actually. Yeah, they do. More like it. He chews his gum so loud. He's so loud, and he drives me absolutely nuts. He sounds like a cow chewing on hay. Oh, I hate that. You know the worst thing about these deals is that it doesn't matter what you do. They're not going to stop. Woods can't stop that. I can't stop my breathing. And there's other cases like that, too, with the eaters that make the noise with their jaw clicking. Have you ever heard that? The click. TMJ. Click, click, lock, jaw. Dude, we saw, Jamie and I were at that, what's that amazing Italian place? Via Italia. Via Italia.

1:12:35for 20 minutes I watched this girl eat her dinner and she was literally she would put a bite in and go and I'm like I sat there and I was like looking at Rembrandt painting or something I couldn't turn away I was like staring at her and she's just imagine going on a first date with her A lot of first dates, I'm sure, are last dates because of habits. Yeah. Yeah. You know who else does it? I was just thinking about that this morning. I went on a date with somebody, and everything seemed to be going great. It was like a couple hours long, and then never heard from him again. I actually called him and was like, hey, you. Yeah. You still alive? You did? Yep. That's embarrassing. And my friend was like, are you sure? Have you checked the obituaries? Because he might be. Because it just sounded too. But then I. I saw him around town like six months later. What was his deal with you? I don't know. Well, obviously you did something, right? I think I must have done, well, I don't know, because we were at dinner for, like, he kept prolonging, like, oh, let's get another drink. But you never saw him again. Maybe because he didn't seal the deal. Probably because you didn't slay him on the first date. Maybe, yeah, maybe that's what it is. Didn't she? Maybe it's because you ate your spaghetti through your nose. Yeah, that could be it. You know who else? Bark Mowman is the worst. You go to his house, watch a game. Is that the noise when he eats? Oh, dude.

1:13:58Oh, I can't. I can't. That's my number one pet peeve. Woods is 100% right. I've eaten with Mark Malman. He does the smack thing. That's why he's single. My kids won't stop doing that. I'm just like, oh, I want to. And he does the drum thing on the thing. I'm like, hey, spaz, sit still. My mom will do that and then she'll be like, hi. Hi, would you? Can you pass? The road buzzard. This is killing me. We're developing right now what's okay and what's not okay at the dinner table. For Jakey? For Jakey. And one of the deals is, Jake, don't touch. Stop with it because he just wants to, you know, he's, you know. Poking. Poking. And Rebecca, it drives Rebecca nuts. It's like she's, it's, sorry honey, it's like my wife's seven and she's like, will you stop touching me? Because he just is poking and, you know, prodding. And so finally, I said, listen, Bob, new rule. No more touching at the dinner table. None. And the other day, we're at dinner.

1:14:58And Rebecca, Jake does something cute, and Rebecca goes, oh, my gosh. And she puts her hand on his shoulder, and he goes, Mommy, no touching. Good boy. No touching. And I was like, good boy, bub. Yeah, that's awesome. That's funny. I told her, don't touch me. It's your rule. Practice what you preach, man. Yeah, live by it. That's funny. M1 Jason from Rancho. Hey, guys, how's it going? Good, dude. So, for some reason, my wife is the only person who's noticed this, but now I notice it all the time about myself. I swallow. really loud oh gosh trying to go to bed and she's like jason enough with the swallowing oh my gosh when you're drinking something or just normally no just normal like you know when oh i totally agree todd when he drinks like water but he's before bed it's like why are you swallowing so loud you're like are you about to feed your chicks what are you doing

1:15:58I get it the same when I'm drinking water, too. Like, gulping water, if I'm really thirsty, it's just, it's loud. Thank you. Wait, have you tried to control it? Like, is it something you can control, or you just, you have no say in how loud you swallow? I've tried so hard. It's just, I can't, I can't, I can't close it off. Yeah, you can't. I just like my breathing. Same thing. I'm just imagining his face is just, like, trying to quietly swallow. I remember dating a girl one time, and one of the things that I couldn't stand was that when she would talk, she wouldn't add the I-N-G. It would be just the I-N apostrophe. What's wrong with that? So would it be talking? It'd be talking. Talking. Let's go dancing, Mike. Yes. Was this in Dallas? Nope. That surprises me. Just dancing with a guy. Dancing? Yeah. Hayseed. You're a hayseed. No way. Yeah, 100. You're a hayseed. And when I was young, so I was kind of dumb. I hadn't figured it out yet, so I would do the correction bit. Good move, pal. Yeah, I would say, can you not do the... Women, they love that. What'd she say? She goes, why does that bother you? You know when you're young? It just made me think. When you're young, you say things to people that when you're older, you go, what was I thinking? Like, that's rude.

1:17:19Or that's, you know, look at Woodsy. Woodsy's got to look like, what are you going to do? Yeah, but sometimes maybe they should know. What are you going to do? I still do it. You still do it? I haven't changed a bit. M1J Hammy from Mission Valley. Well, I got, it's actually Mission Beach. I got, to be fair to my girlfriend, I got something and then I got something about her. There you go. When we're laying in bed together, she likes to wiggle her legs. She's got the Jimmy legs. Jimmy legs. I do that. My wife calls it grasshopper feet. I do it too. In your sleep or in general? No, before I go to bed. Getting ready for bed. Why? They shake and they wiggle. It's restless legs. I like to just rub my feet together just real fast. Why? I don't know. Your wife's like, you're starting a fire? What are you doing? What else, Jay Hammy? And then what I do in bed, and it's the only time I do it all day long. is I always have gas every time I lay down in bed. I knew that poop was coming. I do not do that to my wife. I can't help it. I mean, it's uncontrollable. I won't do it all day long, but as soon as I lay down in bed, it's just like having relaxed or something. What about if you first start dating someone? What do you do? Just let it rip?

1:18:31Hopefully they're not laying in bed. I control it a little bit more. Yeah, you get cramps. But I thought you said you can't control it. You get cramps. You're not in bed with them a whole lot. Aren't you? Mine are. Yeah, I've done the cramp, like sitting on the couch and like... Hey, I'm going to run down to 7-Eleven and get a pack of smokes real quick and just go take care of this. I'd be like, oh, I just remembered one of my friends in the hospital. I got to go. I have to leave. Right now. They're like, really? We just sat down to dinner. Nah. Nah, I think I have to go. Sorry. Or guys and girls. You ever have this thing? You go on a date. You're very conscious when you go to the bathroom of how long you're gone because you don't want them to think a two is going on. It has to be a one. They have to believe that a one is taking place. I do that with meetings with you guys. How bad is it when you're just a one and you're going in there but there's a long line and you're like, hurry up! Who's going to think I'm a two? And then no matter what, you go back to the table and you're like, man, the line was so long. I was at the doctor's office the other day and I had to go number one. And I went in there and then I started looking at my mustache and I started looking at my beard and I was like taking care of a pimple. I'm like...

1:19:46I've been in here about seven days. That's a little bit long for a one. That just made me think of a story. I went out with a girl about 10 years ago, no longer, probably 12 years ago, that I had no right being on a date with. The name Rebecca? She was a dime. She was a dime. What were you? Minus four. Stop. You were a debt. Strong two. Yeah, I was a debt. You were an IOU. Yeah, I was an IOU. She was a debt. And we were on this date, never went out with her again for this reason. Beautiful girl, she was wearing a skirt, got up, went into the restroom. When she came back, the tops of her knees were bright red. And I used my deductive powers to know that she was... Oh, gosh. Doing one of these. Would they do number one? Do they put their... I pictured elbows on the knees like... See, I pictured her. That's the greatest thing. Mike. And I saw those... I saw the red knees where elbows were on the top of the knees and I was like, were you just pulling a lumberjack in there? Did you say that? No, but in my head I was like, I think she just went... Oh, see, when you first said that, I thought maybe she was sick. That's what I thought. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. You're misunderstanding. Sorry.

1:21:07Not the top of the knees like at the bony part of the knees like you're kneeling. Like where the thigh can have the thigh. I mean the top of like your legs. The thigh. The thigh. The top of the thigh. The wing. The top of the thigh. That was 100% it. What else would it have been? Of course. She was leaning like a truck driver. Oh. Well, that'll do it. Yeah, and I was like, oh, wow. Really, dude? This was obese, Mike, too, back then. It was. No. Listen, all I know is I was immature. It gave me the immature heebie-jeebies, and I was done. You're a clown. I'm a clown. I admit it. I'm a clown. That was very clownish. She must have really had to go, because on a first date, you would think you'd be able to just wait. She was probably nervous. Maybe she was one of those types of gals that's like, hey, when you have to go, you have to go. What's the big deal? She's like, I gotta go poo. Well, she didn't obviously say that. I hope not. I've met girls like that. You're like, really? TMI. TMI. What do you like on a first date at Woods at a dinner? What am I like? Yeah, what do you like? Oh, what do I like? No, no, no. What are you like? Same thing. Life of the party, man. Life of the party. It's the truth, I bet. The good time guy. I bet he's just like, whatever you want, let's get it. Oh, yeah, I'm the good time guy. Wine and dine. Wine and dine, try to slay you, you know, a whole bit. Oh, gosh. I'm a nervous wreck. Oh, I, dude.

1:22:30Like, that's the easiest thing. The first date, I love. Really? Yeah, it's fun. Really? Yeah. I'm pretty good at the first date. I was good, yeah. You guys are confident. I think it's just the talking. I can talk to anyone. Me too. Talk to anybody. I'm not worried about my own behavior. I'm worried about the other person being a dud and having to spend the next three hours with them. That's true. That is true. Because I'm not going to go out with somebody that I think is a dud. What if he gets set up? I don't do that bit. Women have to worry about it more than us dudes. Women, you know why? Because dudes are dweebs. You don't really get the dweeby chick. Don't you? Don't you get the beating? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, you do get that. I would never go to dinner, though, on the first date. It's like a coffee or something. If you're just meeting them for the first time. Yeah, that's true. Let's see. M1 Chastity Belt from City Heights? Yep. What up? What's going on? Well, I do this thing. I have a craving for ice. So I fill up water bottles halfway. It bugs the hell out of my husband. I fill them up halfway, put them in the freezer, and it has to be this type of ice. It has to be crunched up this way. I bang it on the counter until it breaks up, and the noise that it makes is just...

1:23:47I bet. Oh, it drives my husband nuts. Yeah. Two o'clock in the morning, I get the craving for ice, and I'm banging on the counter. Oh, man. What do you do, put it in a towel or a bag or something? You know, I keep it in the bottle, and I just bang it up. And now, because I broke the counter... Oh, my gosh. I have to get a hammer and bust it up with the hammer first. Really? Maybe get a refrigerator with a crushed ice. Yeah. Maybe buy a big bag. I guess that would make more sense. Try a blender. Yeah. Oh, a blender would be great at 2 o'clock in the morning, too. Thank you. Thank you, Chastity Bell. That's killer. Oh, her husband is a patient man. My wife, Rebecca, craved ice when she was pregnant with the twins. She had to have ice with her all the time, and she would crunch this ice because she craved ice. Yeah. Wow. As soon as she had the twins, it went away. I've heard of that. How strange is that, right? Probably a mineral thing. I know that they bring it to you in the hospital when you're there. M1 Mandy from PB. This one's bad. This one's bad. Mandy, this is bad. This is really bad. This is usually how I start my day three days out of the week. Yeah. So in the morning, my husband, he has to get up super early, and he takes a shower, but before he does, he usually, you know...

1:25:04Files papers. Yeah, files papers. He reads a chapter or two in his book in the morning. And he'll hop in the shower, you know, put the lid down on the toilet, whatever, get ready, and he leaves. So when I get up an hour later to go to the bathroom, and I'm usually just, you know, gotta go number one real quick, I lift up the lid and usually find it there. Yep. Now I'm trying to think of why he doesn't flush. I've done it a million times. I've done it a million times. What? I forget. I know someone that does that. I forgot. I forget. Oh, gross. How do you forget? In my old job, when I was like a 9 to 5-er and I'm up at 6.30, 6.45, you guys know I'm pretty regular, right? We're going to go to the meeting. The kid's going to go, hey, I'm going to go poop. See you later. Well, the old bit was, yeah, I would get into reading whatever I was reading, and then I would go get in the shower, and I'd just forget.

1:26:01See, in my house growing up, if you flush the toilet, if you had the shower going, if you flush the toilet, it made the water cold. So I know someone now that puts the shower on to get it hot, files papers, and then is like, oh, I'll flush it when I get out. Yeah, and that's the bit. You flush when you get out, and then you forget. And then your wife opens up the toilet to a delicious surprise. Yeah. That's an amazing way to start the day. Now, Mandy, I assume you've talked to him about this a couple of times. Too many to count. He's so embarrassed every time. I think it's because he gets up at like 4.30. Leave him a post-it. Leave him a post-it. Yeah, maybe get a painting that says flush. Yeah. Just put like frame a picture or something. Yeah, add a smiley face to soften the blow. I would be mortified. I'm sure he is. Yeah. I would be mortified. I'm still recovering from it. I don't care. That's the worst way to wake up. I don't care. You wake up to, oh! Yeah. You don't care if it's yours, but if it's someone else's. If it was somebody else's, I'd move out. Someone else's? I'd be packing my bags. Oh, I love that. Bill Withers, a little lean on me. And guess what? We got some really good dude, you're dumbs. Topper may be stopping in.

1:27:26Oh, no. Oh, and tomorrow's the night that Jesse James does his first interview since the adultery scandal. Oh, boy. And we got a preview clip, man. I like this song. Is this cool in the gang? Very close. Earth, Wind, and Fire. Earth, Wind, and Fire. It's a jam. They were both around at the same time, and they both had the same type of hits. M1 Hawk's a big fan. That's right. You can call us if you want. 570-1949 or 949mikey at gmail.com. Sienna picked that one for us. Okay. I'm going to play you this Jesse James thing here in just a second. It's a promo to what's going to happen tomorrow on Nightline. Tomorrow on Nightline, they're going to be talking about his affair, all that stuff. First time he's done an interview about it. We're also going to be doing Dude, You're Dumb in just a second.

1:29:09Dude, you're dumb. Of course, that guy. We all know a dude, you're dumb. And we encourage you to call if you have one that we didn't think of. You can call us and tell us about it. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Guy sitting directly across from me is Woods. He's wearing a hat I've never seen. Me neither. Dude, you know what you didn't comment on? What? Anything different about me? You shaved. I did. You shaved off the stash. My God. Woods, he's clean shaven. I miss it. Feels so good. I bet it does. Lauren is our assistant producer, and she's sitting to my right, to my left is Sienna, and then separated by glasses, Jay is our producer. Okay, so tomorrow night's the big night. Jesse James is going to be doing his first interview, which, by the way, I've actually seen clips of it. He's emotional, which is kind of surprising to me. I've never seen Jesse James get emotional. But he does. Here's a preview clip. The headlines say, most hated man in America. I think it's the most hated man in the world now. Please. No? No, I think. Come on. How about Osama Bin Laden? I know, right? Yeah. Who do you think you are, dude? There may be more. Yeah, you cheated on your wife. But I also think that Tiger Woods got it way worse than Jesse James because people expected it from him. I agree. They personally hate the person. They didn't do anything to you in particular.

1:30:29Cheated on Miss Congeniality, though. Jerk. Can't cheat on Miss Congeniality. How could you cheat on Sandra Bullock? You could cheat on one of the mean girls, obviously. They're mean girls. Of course. It's in the name. Yeah. So many people said that you and Sandra Bullock were a mismatch. Were they right? For the first time anywhere. You cheated on your wife? Yep. Really insightful clip. Yeah, very. Yep. Yep. No way. No way. Sandra Bullock's heart. This was a woman who stood on stage and told the world, I never knew what it was like for somebody to have my back until you. I saw the clip. And when she says that, that gets him. That gives me chills to think that she did that. That's so embarrassing.

1:31:21That's rough. That hurts me for her. I know. Sandra Bullock was blindsided. Get it? Wow. Good one. She was Sandra Bullock. She thought that hope floated, but it didn't. She probably needs to take 28 days and just relax a little bit. It's like she was on speed or something. I was going to say speed, too. Oh, no. I could do this all day. Could we? I don't know. We're running out of movies. She's probably thinking it's a time to kill him. Yeah. It's just like when she thought back to her times and the divine secrets of the young guys. Wow. That was awesome. That was really tough to work into it. Yeah, it was a reach. So I took a pretty amazing life and marriage and threw it away. Jesse James, his one and only interview. And were these affairs? Were these love affairs? See the exclusive First Look. Something tells me I'm going to be roped into watching that tomorrow. I'll DVR it. Will you? DVR it and never watch it? Yeah, like I do. Everything? Rented a movie on DVR. Have three days to watch it. Three days expire. Oh, gosh. I do that all the time. Well, not on there. Hey, have you seen that Modern Family yet? Yeah, I did. Did you? No way. I did. Which one? The one in Hawaii. The one in Hawaii because I like Hawaii. Tuesday on Good Morning America.

1:32:47Then, Tuesday night, what everyone's been waiting for. Jesse James tells all. Let me take a break for a second. A special nightline. He has to get up and walk out of the interview. Oh, his voice is much more feminine. It's girly than you thought? Yeah. Mine, too. Me, too. Does it mean that I don't buy any of that? Oh, boy. No, it's cynical. I don't buy any of it. Him doing the whole thing, it's like, why are you doing it? Why are you doing it? You don't need to. Your chopper shop will be just fine. Me, too. That's a bit. Really, you're crying right now? You're crying. You think so too, Woods? Absolutely. Come on. He's going for the Oscar. He doesn't want to be hated. All right, fine. I'll play devil's advocate. How are you going to do that? Is it possible, you guys? No? It's not possible that he actually does hurt from this? That's personal affair. Call it up. I'm sure he hurts. There's no way around that. But why is he doing this? And he's crying on TV. It's like... Dude, who are you? Maybe a caller. Why is he doing an interview? Why? Like, he's not Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods, I understand why Tiger did one. I don't know why he did so many. But, you know, because Tiger needed to get back into some positive light in order to golf again. Right. He doesn't need to do anything. He owns a, what is it, a chop shop? Chop shop, chop shop. Maybe it's so he could get opportunities for things like Celebrity Apprentice. Maybe Dancing with the Stars.

1:34:08Oh, yeah, Dancing with the Stars, maybe. He's already done Celebrity. Maybe he wants to be the next judge on American Idol. Maybe. Simon Cowell's almost up. Okay, Sienna, so you're Sandra Bullock. Does this do? It embarrasses me. It does? I'm embarrassed because it's like everyone knows what you did. Now you just look like an idiot. You're crying. Look, I know I'm sure you hurt a little bit, but I'm not taking you back, jerk. What about this? What if he goes on and says, what a mistake he made? See, I would rather him just stay quiet. And call her up. Call her. He did, I'm sure. Show up at her house. Well, yeah. Okay, so then why do you need... But, like, if I were her, I would want no more media attention whatsoever. Yeah. And he's bringing more. She wants to move on, I'm sure. It's the thing that you can't get out of the spotlight. You can't give it up. Can't get out of your own way. Yeah, that, and he just can't give it up. He's famous now. He's infamous now. It's like he likes it. You guys, he was famous before he cheated. But he's infamous now. Yeah, but did you hear him correct?

1:35:07The interviewer, she said, I think you're the most hated man in the... Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It's the world. I'm the world now. He's infamous. Infamous and famous are different. It's like, in a way, he likes it. Oh, yeah. You know, it doesn't make sense. I've never really bought that bit, but I've heard people say it so often that there's got to be something to it. I guarantee his fan mail from the ladies has doubled. Why? Oh, I'm sure. Everybody likes a bad boy. But wasn't he a bad boy before he cheated on his... Now he's a real bad boy. Yeah, and now he's available. Oh, weird. I don't know about that. He just looks gross to me. Well, dude, serial killers get fan mail in prison. That's true. Oh, my God. M1 Brian from the South Bay. Yeah, Mikey, what you guys aren't understanding is, well, you do understand, but the girls are saying the motorcycle shop, but he's got a lot of sponsors just like Tiger Woods, like Walmart, and a lot of those other sponsors. He has a Walmart sponsor? Has he not been dropped already? I'm not sure, but he has all those 1.32 scale motorcycles, the hats, the t-shirts. Walmart picked up the whole brand of the bicycles they were selling for him. I think Kohl's was picking up a lot of his clothing lines. That's why he's got to go. He's definitely got a lot to lose. That's why he's got to go on that line. Yeah, but I just don't get the feeling he's doing it for his endorsements. And I don't think Tiger Woods was doing it for endorsements. I think Tiger Woods did it to get back into golf because that's what needed to be done. Okay.

1:36:29What about this? Oh, no. What if they realize that they have fans that they've disappointed and they want the opportunity to say to their fans, This is a bigger forum. Twitter. I mean, that's a legit point. Just tweet it. That could be why. But I just think, you know, in his mind, he knows that Sandra Bullock, he hurt her so bad. And it's like, you know. sticking the knife back in the wound and twisting it because it's like, you know, she's doing fine. She's not addressing the media. She's not doing any of that. Yeah, and I do believe that if you're going to do something, like go do an interview, I think that you should consider, well, I wonder what this will do to her. The nicest thing you could do to her is nothing. Stay away. Stay out of it. All I think she's done is People Maggie. You've known them. You've seen them. They may even be you. Or Jesse James. Woods just points them out. Dude, you're dumb. That guy. It's a guy you see at the mall. It's a guy you see at the store. It's a guy that you see in any given situation. The concert. It could be a girl, too. It doesn't have to just be a guy. It could be a guy or a girl. But it's that guy that you go, really? Do you have to do that? And by the way, you can call with these, too. 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. Woodsy? Well, this one's from the lovely L.O.B. What do you got? And it's me.

1:37:52I'm one of these guys. How about the guy that wants to make small talk with and be a little funny jokester with the ticketing agent when there's a long line at the airport? Oh. You know why I do it? Because I think maybe they'll upgrade me. Yep. He plays the game. I do. I play the game. We said a nice little convo about this in the break. Really? Kid likes to play the game. That's why I grease the Mater D. I do all that stuff. What does it look like when you're doing this with the ticket agent? What are you doing? You be the ticket agent. Hey, good morning. Hey, good morning. Here's my ID. Trying to get to Dallas. Going to go home, see the family. Right on, sir. Excellent. How are you today? You having a good day? We're doing well. How are you doing? You been busy? It's super busy. Yeah, it is. It's been set season. I don't know how you guys do this. It's like the craziest thing ever. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. It's tough. It's a tough thing. You got a lot of people coming up here angry and upset. You do. Yeah, we do. You know, actually, I'm on a morning radio show here in San Diego. Hey, pal. I got to get on my flight. Yeah, don't worry about it. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Are you Woodsy? I am Woodsy. Oh, my goodness, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am. We'll get right to you. I've got one minute before I get cut off. Maybe you get here on time. Hey, Woodsy, can you sign something for my kid? Yeah, it'd be my pleasure. Dude, you are such a good guy. It'd be my pleasure. Hey, man. Is there any room up in first class? You know what? Let me check. It'll take about three or four minutes, but let me check.

1:39:16You know, let me do some rearranging here. Thank you very much. It's going to take about five more minutes for me to do the rearranging. I want to punch you both in the face. I'm exhausted. It probably happens just like that. But listening to you do that, 100%, I just had to go to the Social Security building and, you know, do that for the changing my last name. And I was schmoozing with that girl like you wouldn't believe. She had a brace on her wrist. I'm like, oh, what's wrong with your wrist? I have one of those, too, I think, from working. When you squeeze it, does it make like a pop noise? So does mine. and she was just loving me. They love it. See, I will do that too, but the airport is one place where there's no other reason to be there except to catch a flight. I bet it's probably because you're running late. Well, so is the entire line. A lot of people are. Yeah, a lot of people are. I get there two hours in advance. Some people have kids and they got to cart with them. You don't have any kids. No, I don't. I have a little lunch. I have a coffee. It's delightful. That's great. Cinnabon. Oh, feast on Cinnabons. Borrowing somebody else's time. I do this, too, as well. You're also borrowing somebody else's time when you're late, but that's all right. We'll talk about that another time. Oh. You two. Whoa. You and L.O.B. today. Today? Well. It's turning into an everyday thing. These two put on the boxing gloves now. 100%. And they really, they like to spar with each other. I'm a kangaroo. She's a feminist. I'm a chauvinist. I am not a feminist. I said to my wife the other day, I go, L.O.B. got on Woodsy.

1:40:41this morning. And she goes, really? I go, yeah. I go, I think she really got him this time. And she goes, why do you think that? I go, because when we went into commercial break, she actually came up behind him and had to do like the, it's okay, buddy. I had to do his bit. Yeah, you had to do what he does with you when he makes you crazy. I was looking out for the well-being of his wife. That's right. And others around him. What do you got, Woodsy? I also do this. The guy that takes the last drink of the juice, leaves the empty juice thing in the fridge. You're an awful human being. Or take the last snack out of the pantry, leave the empty box, or leave the crumbs at the bottom of the Dorito bag. Yeah, Woodsy's the guy that you see the Oreo thing, and there's one Oreo in there. There's one Oreo in there. No, he'll leave zero Oreos. Or one square on the toilet paper roll. Yeah. You know what my wife does? She'll have, there'll be a swallow left of bottled water. I mean, a swallow. A small swallow. Yeah. She'll put it back in the fridge. She does it too. She's like my kids. Can I tell you? Oh, this is awful. I'll never do, I'll tell you this and admit it, but in doing so, I will admit to you, or I will give you my promise, I'll never do this again. Because I will be judged when I tell you what I do. Uh-oh.

1:41:55I'll go to the... Wow, if my wife is listening, she'll go, really? When I go to the mailbox, I'll open the mailbox, and if there's no mail that I'm interested in, I put it back. Me too. Oh, you do not. Oh, my God, you do not. I'm really sorry to the world. I apologize. Oh, my gosh. I apologize, Jay. I apologize. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Wow, that's not even that bad. I do the same thing. But you're the only one there. What are you doing, Lauren? I know. He wants somebody else to come get it. Jake, I won't do it anymore. Yeah, you better not. I'm calling Rebecca right now. She just heard it. She's probably like, really? Are you serious? See, we have a little shelf that our mail goes on. I just take the mail because it comes in through our front door, set it on the shelf, and I, for weeks, won't even look at it. Todd deals with it. This is me, Lauren. Junk, junk, junk. That's ridiculous. I do the same thing. On my way out, I'm like, I'll look at it. If I don't want it, eh. Just get it later. It's awful. Jamie's not allowed to get the mail, so I do all the mail in my house now. Really? Yeah, because we lose checks and money and all kinds of stuff. So the kid handles business. 570-1949. Woods has more. Oh, yeah. Dude, you're dumb. Let me take one real quick from an M1. M1 Jason from San Diego. Hey there, Mike. How's it going? Good. Hey, so I met my kids after the end of year school program.

1:43:14comes out on stage and says, you know, we specifically asked no flash photography, and if you need to take a picture, move to the end of the aisle and take a picture. Please don't come towards the front of the stage and taking pictures because we're recording this. Okay, cool. Well, the lights are down low, and just as it's about to end, you start seeing flashes go off. And inevitably, you see the one father go down to the very front of the stage with his... You know, $1,500 camera. He just starts taking pictures of his kid in front of the stage and blocking everyone's view. And you just can't help to say, dude, you're so dumb. Yeah. Guess what? That kid that he was taking a picture of will grow up to do the same exact thing. Not necessarily. Really? Sometimes you do the opposite of what you're embarrassed by. True. That is true. No, that's totally true. I try to do it. A lot of times your parents, yeah, because that kid may be like, Dad, please. Thank you for the call. That is a good one. That's a great dude. This is one I really like, too. This is the dude that cries because it's Monday on his Facebook.

1:44:25Is it the weekend yet? No, clown, it's Monday. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Yeah, it's Monday. Thanks for reminding everybody. Four days left to Friday. Yeah, we know, dude. We're all here, okay? We made it to the hump of the week. Yeah, it's hump day. Is it, dude? TGIF. I like to do the opposite. Yeah, it's Monday. I know. Well, hey, I mean, hey, every day above ground is a good day, okay? Like Mondays. Does the over-optimist kill you? The over-optimist. The over-optimist. Oh, I'm kind of over-optimist. The opposite kills me, too. The opposite of that guy, right? Isn't it? The over-optimist guy? Like, that guy's the pessimist, right? He's like, Monday, I gotta go to work. I'm so over-optimist, girl. Really? Oh, yeah. There's a fine line between optimist and over-optimist, just like there's a fine line between, all right, it's Monday and, oh, no. I overdo the exclamations, and now I've gotten to a point where I feel bad for even putting one question mark, like it was a mean question. I feel like I need to put five question marks. It somehow makes it friendlier. See, and I've always felt that multiple question marks indicates... That's rude. Yeah, I thought that multiple question marks indicates that I'm so confused by you. Oh, that's me trying to be fun. Oh, really? Yeah, if I saw wood...

1:45:48What's this bit about? Question mark, question mark, question. I'd be like, what am I, dumb? Like, why she asked me so much, like, so forcefully? Oh, no. It's forceful. It's forceful. It is. See, I thought I was trying to be like, hey, no problem. Just asking you a quick little question. I had one more, just really quick. What is it? Bike riders. Well, here's the thing. Dude, you're dumb. We've talked about it, and I understand that there is a large contingent of... bike riders, and we love bike riders and all that stuff, but... Not all of us do. Okay, not all of us do. But it's, for me, I'm fine with bike riders. It's a particular type of bike rider. You know who you are. Yeah. You know who you are. Because some of you are cool. Dork. Some of you are... They think that they're just so above the cars, though. Yeah, the Tour de Carlsbad that I get to drive through when I just want to go get a nice, fresh Coca-Cola down through the gas station. I got to wait and wait. And wait, and then I get, on your left, on your left! Get. Really? Really what? Yeah. What? That's bad? Is that bad?

1:46:53Is that bad? Is that bad? You know how many bike riders there are in this town? Great. Yeah. Better get on board, buddy. Hang on. No, I don't have to get on board. 100% have to get on board. No, I don't. Hang on, hang on. That is correct. That I believe that it's a very particular type. You know who I'm talking about. You know who I'm talking about. Because there's the type that are, that, you know, go by the rules and play by the rules and they're fine. But there are other types of bike riders that are rude. They look at you like. What are you doing on this paved stretch of concrete? Why are you here, car? And it's like, really, man? Yeah. Dude. You're not Lance Armstrong. You're not even Floyd Landis. You don't know that. Yeah, I do. You're not even Floyd Landis. You're not going to win this battle. He takes off his hat and glasses. He's like, dude, I'm Lance Armstrong. I've seen Lance Armstrong in town before. They train here. What if you go, hey, good luck on the tour, Lance. And he's like, thank you very much. I can see Woods blasting a cig, sitting there, and he's got to wait two seconds to make his right turn into the lot. And he's like, what's wrong with these bikers? Yeah, seriously. If I was a billionaire, you know what I'd do?

1:48:00I'd buy them all one big giant road they could just ride down. That wouldn't be enough money. Would you? Yeah, I would. Let's see. Maybe go to Costco, ride around. Clown. You want to know how your boss is spying on you? Mike? Standing behind you guys reading your emails, that's all. So scary. I mean, oh, it's just nuts. How your employers can rate and just look on your email and everything. If you use a work computer, you're basically screwed in every way. Really? Yes. What do they do? They can go on your email, read your email. About 40% actually have a real person whose job is to go through employees' email. Jeremy? Yeah. But three-fourths of companies usually use a technology tool that sorts through emails. HelloB would be good at that. She would be great at that. Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah, she would be. It's like her dream job. Magnum PI. So it's sniffing around. Oh, yeah. If you have a company's cell phone, they track everything. Text messages, don't even think about sending one dirty text. Number of, or they can't read them. Yeah, they can. If it's company property, I think it's not your.

1:49:17Right, but they can say, you sent 5,000 text messages. They can't say, you sent a dirty picture of yourself. Text messages are archived by cell phone companies. And a lot of these companies pay for it. Here's my question. My question is, because Sienna's right, they're reading it. They're reading your email and stuff, too. But when they're reading your email... What's it about? What are they? Why would they say we're reading your email? They just want to make sure you're, you know, not wasting time. It's to prevent security risks, fraud and sexual harassment. It's OK to prevent security risks, fraud and sexual harassment. So if you know big brothers watching, you might behave yourself. You know what, though? I would say that in ninety nine percent of the reading of emails, it's about. People being nosy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I wonder who actually gets pulled over and they're like, hey, listen, I was going through your email and that's why I called you in. They wouldn't say that unless it was something really bad. That's what I mean. Worth getting fired over. Well, no, no. Check it out. OK, so they're doing it for security risk, fraud and sexual harassment. Yeah. Let's say that they see something on there and you're talking to some girl that you work with about her boobs. OK. If that's the case.

1:50:32What are they going to do? Call you into the office and be like, listen, we brought you in here today because we were cruising through your email and we saw that you wrote Cindy about her boobs. And so we just want to let you know that you can't talk to her about that anymore. I mean, they're just being nosy. I believe it's all part of the Patriot Act. Yeah. All that sniffing around. Is it or is that the government that's allowed to do that? The government has justified it by saying, OK, we can. There might be acts of terrorism that are happening, so we have the right to go and sniff around. Yeah, Cindy's boobs are terrorists. Just to give you a heads up, if you work for a small company, they can access everything. Everything. IMs, your Facebook, if you go on your Facebook at work. Everything. It's so nuts. Personal photos, videos, music. And most of these companies have cameras throughout the building that track your every move. We do. No, we do. You do it funny. Lauren does the Z finger. There's also the twinkle. She does the rising twinkle. It's Mariah, always be my baby. Did you feel cool saying that? There's Mariah Carey, always be my baby. It's a comedian that's making a comeback that has not, this guy has not done stand-up for a long time, and they are coming back. I'll tell you who it is. I know.

1:51:58We also have some Woods of Wisdom. Don't go away. They really got after it today. I think our program director's digging that. I'm so sorry. You say that every week in my songs. Sienna's picking the music today. Instinct Bye Bye Bye. I like it. Mikey, you know you don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's catchy. It's catchy. His voice is nice. If I pulled your pants down, would there be a peace there? That's what I'm wondering. Write that down. Woods, it's undeniable. He's got a nice voice. See, I was really thinking about this. I was really thinking about this with Woods. Woods gets mad at me. He gets mad. He's like, don't like that. I understand it. I think I understand it because I've thought about it. There's a mental thing that says there is nothing you can say.

1:53:16to talk me into you liking that because I'm already out based on the image. Yeah. Yep. I understand that. Guys are singing like this. You shouldn't listen to dudes like that. You like the deft tones. I do. I love the deft tones. I know. But I think that there's a pleasantness to the tone of their voice. Why can't you just like whatever you like? They sound like a 15-year-old girl. Open your mind. My mind is open. He can like what he likes. You don't worry about it. Why don't you just cry me a river, Woods? Are you? What if you went back to the 70s? Let's go watch TV or something. Let me be. What's happening with you two? I don't know. You guys are really fighting today. Just a bit. It is? We are. No, we're not. Yeah, I almost asked Lauren during the break, like, are you guys breaking up or what's happening? You and Woods going through a break. One can hope. What did you say the other night? That I'm... I said that Sienna and I act like your big sisters, even though we would be younger. I kind of act like the little one, I think. Yeah, Sienna's like the little. You're the older, and she's the little, and Mike's like the older brother. And Jay's like our dad. Sorry, Jay. Don't make me come in there. That's 100% right. I think Wood's being argumentative today.

1:54:32It's Monday. I'm in a great mood. Today. I'm allowed to weigh in on my opinion. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Mondays. I used to be obsessed with Justin Timberlake. You're a girl. And I met him. Have a ball. During my obsession. Lauren, you're a girl. That's okay. So he can like who he wants. He's got a sleeve. Look, he's got a tattooed sleeve. You like Ryan Adams? Ryan Adams plays guitar and sings alt country. So? That's not even on the same. A lot of girls like Ryan Adams. That's not even on the same par as NSYNC. Oh, dude, I'll kill you worse. Get me worse. Worse than Wilson Phillips? That's hard to do. Backstreet Boys. Oh, Mikey, come on. They're not even together. I can weather this. I can weather this. You can't. Mike, stay strong. I have to stay strong. Why can't he just like his own music that he likes? He can. Because he's a salary. You can't. You got to tell him. Who to be friends with next? Yes. No, you're not. Yes, I will. How could it get worse than Miley Cyrus would? I know. Yeah, Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber. It's beautiful. Oh, my God. I love this. Yeah, it's so good. I love the sound of his voice. I'm sorry. And I do love the Deftones, but I just, I have to be honest about the pleasantness of it.

1:55:45I like it all. I just have to admit it, though. Why don't you get another broad in here? How about that? I'll quit and you get another girl in here. It'd be more fun if all of us just liked everything that was the same and we talked the same. He's able to shame me, too. It's like chipping away. Don't do it, Mike. It's like chipping away with an axe at a tree. Eventually, he will get me to the point where I'll be like, I don't think I like it. I don't think I like it. Maybe you turn around on him and start talking about cigarettes and dip. Never mind. But that's manly. It's not good for you. It's bad for you. Whiskey and playing guitar and singing. Don't get shamed out of it, Mike. Stay strong. Playing baseball. All right, so let me play you the comedian that says that he is making his comeback. And do you think you'll do stand-up again? Absolutely. I've been writing. Instantly, you know who that is, right? I can't wait. Eddie Murphy. I can't wait. I just recently, maybe the last six months or so, started getting the itch to do it again. You know, and I started writing stuff.

1:56:51I was like, wow. Are you excited? Yeah, I hope he goes back to the days of raw and delirious and not like Nutty Professor and Shrek. I think he is. See, because the last I heard, his whole deal was, I want to make movies that my kids can watch. Which is respectable. Absolutely. Do you think Ellen is like, oh, great. But in the back of mind, she's like, damn it. Damn it. He's going to slay everybody. Because she's a comedian, too. It's like competition. She's got her own choice. Well, I know. I know. She's got a girlfriend, too. It's true. A wife. A wife. Delirious was the best. Oh, dude, and Jay, Mikey, and probably you guys, do you guys remember, do you remember, like, I will never forget, we were on a field trip, and this kid goes, Woodsy, come here, and gives me his earphones, and I sit there for half an hour like this. Laughing, because I'd never heard anything like that. That red leather outfit. My dad was watching, and I sneak in. What's this? He's like, get out of here. Get out of here. Hit the road, buzzer. You can't see this. And it was. It was filthy stuff. But if you're 30 years old or older, it was part of your childhood, probably. That's the white person voice. Is that your bag? Yeah, that's my bag. A black man can't have a suitcase. I won't be weeping, dude. It's so funny. And when he would imitate.

1:58:13People singing. Elvis. Oh, him doing Elvis, him doing James Brown. We should go as a show. Oh, aye. This is brilliant. In a heartbeat. Yeah. Too dirty for me now. If he was doing the dirty stuff, I'd feel weird. You couldn't help but laugh. It's too dirty. You'd be mad at yourself because you would be laughing. Maybe he'll be the middle of the road. Yeah, maybe. Doubt that. Doubt it. If he is. Well, I want filth. I want straight filth as filthy as it can get. I want it. His mom talking about it was just amazing. Oh, he's the best. You can see what's happening in the studio if you go to MikeyShow.com. We have a webcam. You click on it and you can see everybody in the webcam. See Woodsy. You see Sienna, you can see Lauren and me, and Jay is on a separate camera. Isn't that right? Yeah. This is the deal. Guy gets his own camera. Okay. So let's do some Woods of Wisdom. If you would like to ask Woodsy a question, and we say this because Woodsy is our guy's guy. As you heard him shaming me out of NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. You can tell he is our guy's guy. And, you know, back in the day, he's married now. Yes, happily. But back in the day,

1:59:50Woodsy had a certain, he had a certain, what do you call it? Je ne sais quoi? Panache? Yeah. Je ne sais quoi. Sure you did. Oh, geez. Ladies like the kid. Hey, you know how glad I am that I have a witness here? Like, you guys wouldn't believe me if he had never seen us. Wouldn't we? Okay. Wouldn't you? I have a witness. Wouldn't you? He was there. I was in Perfectville. He was there. So here is our first email to Woodsy. Woods, how much time needs to go by before you ask a girl out and you don't seem creepy? What I mean is there's a new girl at work that started last week, and I want to ask her out. But a female friend of mine says that it's way too soon. If it is too soon, when is it okay? M1 tried and true. You know what tried and true? I ran into this situation many, many years ago before I met my wife. There was a girl I wanted to ask out. I didn't pull the trigger, and she started dating some other clown. So I missed the boat. So I say jump in ASAP. You know, a week is plenty of time. She's there. She's a cousin. If you think that you got that vibe with her, go ahead and dive in. Don't wait. And you know what my instinct told me? And I may be totally wrong about this, but I almost think that to a woman that's...

2:01:09You're definitely going to hear the argument from a woman that says, oh, no, I'd be creeped out. You'll definitely hear that. But I also think that there's maybe a part of a woman that goes, wow. He wants a piece. I'm really something. Yep. Yeah, I totally agree with Woods. You would like it if a guy was like. Yeah, but not necessarily like, I mean, yeah, I would like it. But also, you don't want to be. get all comfortable in your work environment and then you're going to start overthinking it kind of. Yeah. And maybe it will be weird if you ask later. You know what I mean? Like maybe you get in the friend zone for too long. Lauren, would you be creeped out if you were there a week? I disagree. Weird. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think in any job for the first week, you're just in training mode. You're just getting used to your surroundings. Someone starts sniffing around too soon. You're like, just let me breathe, dude. 570-1949. Listeners can weigh in on it, too. Maybe you've been that girl. Maybe you've been that guy. I know. I'm just saying, I mean, don't miss your don't miss your chance. This girl that I liked went out with the biggest doucher that you've ever. And I was like, really? But isn't that a good litmus test for you? She's going to date. Yeah, that's probably. Yeah. But also, if she does date someone else before you, then like, are you going to be the next guy in line? Right. No. I met Kim on the job. She she she walked down to the.

2:02:27where I worked, I was like, I'm in. She got hired on. I was like, she's mine because there was all these dudes behind me. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs. They weren't having that, though. It was a full battle. Dibs is very complicated, too. You know when it works? If you're in an Archie's comic, then it works. Yeah, it works then. Oh, gosh. I don't know. It works with girls. Does it? Does it? I don't know. Do you say to a girl, dibs. I think you just very outwardly express your interest. And then if someone else is also expressing their interest, you're like, uh-uh, no way. No, he's mine. You would do that? And then all of a sudden it's like... Girls will do that? Oh, I don't want to be in any part of that. Sounds awful. Woods... It's not pretty. This one says, Woodsy, I met a new girl and I like her a lot. Only thing is, she is way into country music. And I think country music is the most inbred hillbilly thing I've ever heard. Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Oh, boy. My question to you is, have you ever been in a situation like that? Do I have to pretend I like it or can I just tell her I hate it? M1 Grant. Yeah, pretty much every situation of my life before I met my wife, Jamie, I was in that situation. I would date these girls that love Britney Spears and this crap. And I, you know me, I would be like, that is crap. Music snob. Yeah, 100%. I'd be like, it's mindless bubblegum pop. I hate it.

2:03:50I like you. You're cool. We're great. You know, whatever. But your music choice is terrible. Maybe turn her on to some other stuff. Yeah. Like, Jamie, with me, like, oh, my God, she loves everything that I love. And, like, we both love the same bands. And it's just a blast because we go to a lot of shows together. We're really into music. We talk about music together. But. You don't have to sign up for something you don't want to be a part of. I'm not going to jump on the Backstreet Boy train because they're terrible. This was me. You haven't heard this new Avril song? I'll burn it for you. That was me. I was the opposite. I would be introducing. I never had that problem because I'd be like, oh, you got to hear this track. This new Backstreet Boys track. That sounds like the worst reason to talk yourself out of liking. Yeah, if you really dig this. How about you like someone for who they are? But here's the deal, though. I mean, think about how much time you spend with this significant other, and they're like, check out this new Toby Keith. See me? If it was me and you, Sienna, and you were like, you have to hear this new Toby Keith. I'd listen to it and be like, yeah, that sucks. And then you'd hate me. You know what usually happens, and I hate to admit it, is the girls.

2:04:55save their music for when they're alone in their car, and they'll listen to it, and we'll listen to yours. Like, I can't tell you, always it's Todd's music on. And I don't mind, because I don't mind his. Mine too, and she loves it now. Yeah. And I always listened to my guy stuff when Rebecca and I were dating, because I didn't want her to know that I listened to the Backstreet Boys, you know, privately. Right, why would you? Comes out later when you're more comfortable. Yeah, like on the radio in front of thousands of people. Yeah, don't say that on the air in front of thousands of people. What do you think, LLB? I think, like I echo what Sienna says, it's a stupid reason to not date somebody. Absolutely. You don't have to be into all the same stuff. If music is a huge part of your life, like it is with Woods, then yeah, maybe it would drive you crazy and be a deal breaker. But whatever, we can all like different stuff and still get along. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I would. My personality, you know me. I'd be like, wow, that's crap. Well, he can be honest with her. Oh, for sure. M1 Alicia from North County talking about meeting somebody and going for them quick. I'd say this was pretty quick. You and your boyfriend, right? Alicia? Hi. Yeah, so I met my boyfriend at a stoplight. That's pretty fast. Wow. That's a pretty good move. Did he do it or did you? Well, okay, it's kind of awkward. It was more of my sister.

2:06:11So we were sitting there, and she's like, oh, my God, that guy's so hot. And so he rolls down his window, and we start talking, and I ended up knowing the guy he was with. And they're like, hey, come over. We're having a couple people over. So we end up going over there, and at the end of the night, he asked for my number. He had your hippies. Bunch of hippies driving around. Driving around. Smoking them jerks. Smoking jerks and meeting each other. I love that story. I like that story, too. Alicia, how old are you? I'm almost 24. So how old were you when this happened? 17. Wow. You're still together? Still together. What do you guess? Dude's older, isn't he? No. Oh, man. I thought he'd be like a 25-year-old creep. How much older? Hey, hey, hey. Well, no, he's the same age, isn't that what she said? Yeah, same age. I hope they get married and have babies and they get to tell their kids that story. That's a great story. Yeah, hey, proves the point. You see something you like, make it right. There's exceptions, yeah. Do you remember what the opening lines were? Beep, beep. Nice car. Yeah, exactly. Kind of. No, we weren't. I don't know. It was really weird, but it was fun. Seven years ago. Probably an eyebrow raise. Probably wasn't even a word. How you doing? Yeah. I'm terrible at that stuff. That's cool. I love that. Yeah, he got a guy that rolled down the window and goes, how you doing? Yeah, I'd roll my window down and I'd real seductively, I'd go.

2:07:34Can I, I am you? When you're that age, I think it works. Do you laptop? Yeah, do you have a laptop? If you were on vacation, guys would be like, hey, you want to come to a party tonight? I'd be like, okay. Okay. I'd love to. Now, you're like, ew, you stupid raper creep. Get out of here. It helped that she knew his friend, for sure. Yeah. All right, here's the last one. Woods, how do I know when a haircut is out? My brother just told me. Something funny? My brother just told me. I look like I have Hugh Grant hair. Is that even bad? Is that funny? Last time I checked. I guess I have an out haircut. No. Oh, that's what she was laughing at. No. Last time I checked, wasn't that dude married to Elizabeth Hurley? Yeah, absolutely. He didn't sign it. So there is no, this person didn't sign it. Here's the deal. I'm stumped. I'm stumped. I mean, when is a haircut in? When is it out? If you have to ask. Yeah, if you have to ask. I guess you're right. If you have to ask with a bullet. I think he probably has just a regular haircut and he's overthinking it. It depends on his relationship with his brother. But man, his brother's like.

2:08:46Really, with the wavy chestnut brown hair? Well, yeah, he says he has Hugh Grant hair. I'm like, is that really bad? That's not bad. Hugh Grant was kind of a pick. Is that bad? I totally know the type of hair. It's like parted in the middle and down, you know? I want to see. Send your picture and black out your eyes. Yeah, dude. He didn't even want to sign it. No, he didn't even sign it. He doesn't want one friend of his going, really, Hugh Grant? You know he'd be Hugh Grant. Oh, yeah. If I had read his name. Oh, if we outed him, he'd go to work today, and it would be Hugh Grant. If he was in our group of friends, he would be Hugh Grant the rest of his life. He would never go by his normal name. Like, okay. He's Hugh. Hugh. Huey. I'm looking at Hugh. Yeah, Hugh. Here's looking at Hugh, kid. Here's looking at Hugh. Hey, Hugh, guys. That's what everyone would do with that guy. Hey, dude. You need directions? You make a Hugh turn when you get up there, all right? Hey, Huey Lewis in the news. Oh, my God. That's fantastic. Yeah, Lauren's probably hit it on the head. If you have to ask, maybe it's time to switch it up. That's why I started cracking up. Oh, I thought she was looking at me like, why would you ask Woods? His hair's from the 70s. No, no, no. I just meant if you have to.

2:09:59How do you know? What did he say? What was the opening line? How do you know if you have an out-of-date haircut? Yeah. If you have to write into a radio station and ask. Do you think that the shaved head will go up at some point? No. It's always good. No, I think guys have found the cure to baldness. Absolutely. Thanks. So, yeah, I'm just, all right. Get me out. Get me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. I thought that was a good way. But there won't be a point where somebody goes, No, it's not, dude. I think it looks so cool. It won't be out? No. Look at both of you guys questioning your hair. Woods did and you did. You're Latino, so you can do it. I can't do it. Yeah, but I have to write something in old English across my chest. Garrett does it. Yeah, he pulls it off. Yeah, Garrett pulls it off. I can't do it. I got a big dent in my head. Yeah, I got a big dent in the front of my head. Didn't work. M1 Gabriel from Oak Park. Yeah. What did you do? Oh, I was... I was just thinking about how with the country music conversation, it seems like the guy can actually learn from the woman that there's actually some good country. I mean, any music has that bubblegum pop. But with my wife, there was some music I really didn't like, but I learned to like some of the music she had because it was good music. If you generalize country music and you think...

2:11:23Part of me in my gut tells me that she's thinking, oh, I love this country music. And she's listening to Toby Keith and Big and Rich and stuff like that. That's not quote unquote real country like Waylon, Willie, Johnny Cash, those guys. I mean, that's two different sorts of music. Well, those are all the old school guys. Right. These are the new school guys. Those are the good ones. Hey, speaking of getting to know her music. Speaking of getting to know the music, Sienna's picking the music today. How about a little Keith Sweat? How about it? Wow. The song's called Nobody. Slow jam. I bought this when I was like in fifth grade. 98.7 K-Ware. Get a little Keith Sweat for you. Isn't that weird? I bought this in fifth grade, and I was listening to it in my room. I was 30. Were you like making out with your teddy bear? I don't know what I was doing, but I loved it. You guys ever practice on your pillow? 100. Yep. Me too. Still do. I still do. You're back inside your dogs. What do you think the proper penalty should be for stealing a $4 pack of socks? Slap on the wrist? Well, yeah. Penalty? Well, I'm going to tell you this. This dude got prison. And wait until I tell you how much prison he got. It's next. And we're going to have a new game on the Mikey Show.

2:13:03If you need a graphic designer, Jared's the dude. Most incredible graphic designer ever. After Friday, he's pretty much invincible to me. Like, he's amazing. He is. He is amazing. And he's got his website, createyourdesignonline.com, and he'll do high-end design for you, printing for the masses. He does whatever you need. Business cards. Logo design. And, in fact, he's got a killer thing going on.

2:14:01For the cards, for the business cards. He's got what he's calling his business starter package, $150. He'll design a logo for you, and trust me, it'll be amazing. He'll do business card design for you, and he'll give you 1,000 cards. It's really awesome. CreateYourDesignOnline.com. Jared's a man. It's really good stuff. Stealing a $4 pack of socks may not be the worst crime in the world. But if you do it the way this guy did it, you may get a pretty stiff penalty. This is nuts. Yeah. So this guy, Dean Rockmore, he's from Daytona Beach. He's 48 years old. He was doing a little shopping at Walmart. An employee at Walmart saw him place packages of T-shirts and socks in the front of his pants, stopped him, said, what are you doing, dude? The guy ran out of the Walmart and employees ran after him. He dropped the T-shirts and just happened to run out with the socks. Right. He was caught, arrested the next day, $4 packages of socks, and now he's facing life in prison because when he was stopped in the parking lot, he lifted up his shirt and showed that there was a gun. He had a gun. He didn't aim the gun at the employee or anything. He just showed that he had a gun. That's ridiculous. Did he have a bunch of priors or something? Yeah, there's a couple other little things that he did, but life in prison is just, oh my gosh, I can't imagine.

2:15:27It's pretty gnarly, right? It's insane. You know who that doesn't happen to? The guy that ain't showing no gun. Yeah, and stealing socks. And stealing socks. Still, punishment should fit the crime. Can't have a gun. He had a gun. Gun's pretty bad. He didn't fire it. He was arrested before for another robbery. That was his other deal that he had. It's his bit. Yeah. It's his bit. A little bit of a robber, but the guy wanted some socks real bad. Let's try this. Gosh. What the heck? I love this. The ding-dong sing-along. Wow. Wow. It reminds me of a Disney movie. It does. It's a carpenter's tune. Yeah, it is. Here's what you do. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. You call us at 570-1949 right now, and this may or may not seem somewhat familiar, but it's a little bit different. What we're going to do is we're going to play a song. It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl.

2:16:48We're going to play a song, and at some point in this song, it will stop playing. You must continue to sing it. Yes. I love it so much. 570-1949. It's a ding-dong sing-along. You get a prize? You get it right? Yeah, you do. In fact, what do we got, Jay? We're going to hook them up with Silver Sun pickup tickets to see Ed Soma on August 7th and a pair of sunglasses from Angel or Anarchy. There you go. Nice. I have three songs that you're going to be hearing. Okay, and I'm going to demonstrate how it works. I'll demonstrate with Woodsy. Okay. Woodsy, when it stops, you take over. Not bad. Pretty close. Not bad. So do we want to say, like, just as long as you get the next line?

2:17:51Sentence or two. Yeah, we'll be the judge of it, but my basic thought is that if you get the gist of it. The gist. Yeah. Kind of like Sienna Sings. Yeah. When she gets the gist. Exactly. The gist. And as long as you get the gist of it, you're good to go. Now, we have three of them. We're going to do three of them for you. And again, we have some really cool sunglasses and Silver Sun pickups tickets. And so you just call us, 570-1949. We're lining some people up on the phone right now, and we'll be doing the ding-dong sing-along for the very first time here in just a second. You know what else we have? We have the surefire way for us fellas to be turned on by our wives. Oh, boy. We'll see. Some little things that she may do. They're calling it surefire. Surefire means can't go wrong. Can't go wrong. Can't miss. Can't go wrong. So we'll find out. We'll check it out in just a second. We have M1 Cobber on the line. Are you there, Cobber? Yeah, how's it going? Pretty good, dude. You ready to do this? I'm ready. Here we go. All right. I think he got it. I think he got it. I sing that to my parents' dog, Roxy. Oh, yeah. You definitely got it, dude. Hang on the line, all right? All right, cool. Thanks.

2:19:27Well done. That's the way that you do it. He butchered the words, but he got the gist. That's all I'm looking for. I like that he sang. We don't want to be talking. We want singers. Sing it. Yeah, give it to me. M1 Harold. I'm terrible, but I'll give it a shot. All right, you ready? Yeah. Here we go. Well done. Pretty good. Well done, Harold. I don't know what you were worried about, bro. Yeah, you're a arm wrestler, right? Okay. He's a professional arm wrestler. Touch me once and you know it's true. You are so good. Hang on the line, bro. Hang on the line. That was awesome. So funny. Winders on the line. Yes. What's up, dude? What up, brother? How you guys doing? We're doing good, man. You ready to give this a shot? I'll try it out. All right, here we go.

2:20:50Guys couldn't hear that one. I'm just gonna sing exactly what I just heard, okay? Guys, I can't hear. I'm just going to sing what I heard, okay? How was that? Does that work? Really? Sorry, Winder. You try again next time, buddy. You got clowned real good, pal. Lauren, you want to try? Come on. If you don't know the song, I'm going to ask you if you know the song. If you don't know it, then don't even go for it. Do you know Mike and the Mechanics, The Living Years? Yeah. You know it? Yeah. Let's see. And forget about our past. Or something like that. Or not. Or not. It ended with asked. That's right. They got that part. 570-1949. Asked. 949mikey at gmail.com is our text. If you want to get a hold of us, bye.

2:22:25Text. All right. Sienna's got some surefire ways for us fellas to be turned on. Now, these aren't like specific little things. These are, you know, in general, when a girl talks about boy stuff. Like, you know, she can bring up a game that she may have seen. Like my cup. That is the opposite. That's your cup. Yeah, my cup and my jock. It works the opposite for me, bro. It works the opposite for me. That's your kryptonite. It's my kryptonite. If a girl starts... Did you see the Chargers game? Yeah. Did you see Phillip Rivers? Yeah. Why was he thrown into a 3-4? Hate it. What? Why? Does it threaten your manhood? No. It's over-knowledgeable sports girl. You know what it... Over-knowledgeable? Yes. You know what it screams to me? You're trying. Trying too hard. You're trying way too hard. Guys, if I'm watching a Yankee game with my wife and we're watching CeCe Sabathia throw and she's like, why would he go to a slider on 3-2? He always throws his changeup on 3-2. I'd be like... oh my God, who are you? That would drive me nuts. If I went on a date with a girl and we went to a sports bar and she's like, why would they even try the Tampa 2 in this situation? Forget it. Yeah, take the nickel out. I'd be like, really? With guys that I know, that know a ton about football, guys don't talk like that. So I would instantly be like,

2:23:45You're trying so... But what if she didn't say something so specific like you just said? But that's what it's saying. If she's overdoing it and saying the specifics like you guys are talking about, I understand that. But if she's like, oh, did you see the game last night? And she's a fan and she can talk about just the generalities. I'm still of the... It's creepy. It screams like trying too hard. I don't think so. I like sports and I've never had a complaint from a customer. Really? Now, wait a minute. Let's discuss this. There's other examples besides sports, though. Like, what if, you know, she watched a good documentary or something that, like, is a guy-type deal? Or a good movie that's, like, a guy movie? Like, what if she went and saw Iron Man? Read it to me again, then. Well, it's the way they word it is weird. How do they say it? Okay, but it's written, like, from a guy saying, sometimes I spout off... boy stuff and unfairly expect a girl to keep up, but I do talk about my fair share of girls stuff, like cooking fashion hair. Yeah. So they're saying... Okay, okay, let's take sports out of the equation. Let's take sports out of the equation. Maybe if a girl talked about...

2:24:55If a girl quoted Goodfellas, I may think that's pretty rad. That's pretty rad. Okay, Woods, one of the things you love the most about Jamie is that she's in and cheers for the Yankees and that she listens to your music. Different, different. And the reason it's different is because she's supporting with, you know, she's supporting her boy. Oh, God. But he got it exactly. Team once. If she started doing the whole thing. Okay, but if Jamie wouldn't even watch a game with you when you first started dating her, wouldn't you be like, come on. Wouldn't have married her. Exactly. And I want to ask L.O.B. What? You're a Eagles fan. Yep. I got to believe that when you go to a sports bar to watch the Eagles, are you getting super deep on the whole? Yeah. See, just supporting it, that's fine. But I don't support the Eagles because a man supports the Eagles. Totally. I support them because they're my home team that I grew up with. Right. And that... I don't have any problem with that. My wife grew up loving the Chargers, and so she's a Charger fan. But if she started throwing the... And there are...

2:25:58There's that girl. There's that girl. There's the girl that gets, like, she wants to talk about sports. No, 100% there are those girls. In a way that's so, like, technical. You've never met this girl, Lauren? I don't know if I might be this girl. I don't think you are. I think you're just a girl that likes the Eagles. But I'll be like, oh, San Antonio Holmes. Isn't that the one that blah, blah, blah? I would have laughed because his name is San Antonio Holmes. So I would have liked you. I would have liked you. You're fine. You're fine. The other girls are trying to prove the girls that give too much information that they aren't these typical girls This time around we gotta get it because remember back in 89 What else? Okay, she can tell a good story. Oh, 100%. Not a better turn on than when a girl can tell you a good story. Yes. Not me. I don't know what that is. Good story. She's out with her girl. She's got a great story of the night before. Okay. And she, you know, you're a good storyteller. We're all good storytellers. I'm not. I'm like, here's a tangent and another tangent and a tangent and a tangent. Fair enough. I'd have to see what it looks like. Right now, I don't know what it looks like, but go ahead. Give me another one. What about she makes you laugh? 100. Love it. Love it. Love it. She is tuned into the world.

2:27:19Like she knows about news? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. What? Dude, I... You want an airhead? No. You don't want an airhead, dude. No, but I also don't want... Can you believe what's going on in Rwanda right now? Oh, I don't want that. I just can't believe that their prime minister... I'm like, I could care less. What's the score of the game? No, but if the oil spill comes up, she'll be able to contribute to the conversation. Fine. Love, love, love it. I was not that girl until I started this job because my job before was to do the celebrity gossip. Oh, boy. And Todd could not be happier that now I actually know what's going on. Right? He's like, oh, my gosh, I love it. I feel like I'm married to an adult. That's fantastic. Somebody write that down. You know where it stems from? I'm going to get delayed for this by the missus, but whatever. I'm used to it. So her deal was at my last job before I worked here, we would get the Dallas Morning News, which is the newspaper. Get home from work. Eat.

2:28:21Get in bed, want to watch a little TV, maybe do a little work on my laptop, and I would have the newspaper read to me by my wife. What do you mean? Like, oh, gosh, you see what happened in Hearst? Yeah, the city council voted three to one. I'm like, oh, yeah, really? No kidding. Oh, gosh, did you see? I love it. Downtown Dallas, they're going to build an aqueduct, and I'm like, I got it. I read the paper. Like, do I? See, now, that's what I was just going to ask you, would you? I'm dead. Oh, I love that stuff. I'm dead. I could do, like, I love that. I love the stimulation. I like that. What about she doesn't do what everyone else does? I'm a dead man. She's going to kill me. I love you, honey. You're the best. She doesn't do what everyone else does. Maybe she doesn't wear what's always considered in. She has her own style. Mikey's out. Don't want it. You want a sheep? What, Lauren? I don't think I can date any of the men on this show. I know.

2:29:20I'm not dateable. Do you really do the real different? I don't think you do the real different stuff. Her stuff's made out of wheatgrass. I love the real different. It's not made out of wheatgrass. You're wearing a pair of jeans and a tank top. Okay. That you can eat, smoke, or wear. I have Ugg boots on. Yeah, but you're in the same category as me. We're not racing to be fashionistas. No, no, no, no. Let's differentiate. I'm not saying that they necessarily have to be fashionistas. What I am saying is I don't want to date Blossom, okay? I'm with you, man. Sorry. The always having to be different. See, now, Jay, I'm kind of with you, but also the girl that is always trying to look so different, like with the fedoras and the suspenders, and it's like... Come on, Gwen Stefani. I kind of like the weirder the better. You work at the mall, all right? But I think even if she is into fashion and stuff, I think it should just be attractive if the girl's being herself and is like, I wear what I want to wear because I do, and I'm not trying to be like, oh my gosh. If I wore what I wanted to wear, I'd be wearing a bathrobe. So you have to differentiate a little bit, and you can't look like a clown. We should do that one day. We should all wear what we want to wear. One day. Lauren, I'll tell you what does kill me.

2:30:41You don't necessarily do this. Oh, really? Necessarily means that you do. Do I? But a lot of times if the girl dresses too different, then she's a little critical. She's a little critical. Of the other girl. Very judgmental. Very judgmental. Of the follower. Of the follower. Yes. That's not me. That's what I said. It's not necessarily you, but you'll kill me on a couple of things. You'll be like, oh, did you... About you, you mean? Sometimes you'll give me a little... On his chain wallet. Oh, she killed me. Yeah, hasn't won one since. She killed me. Now, you know what, though? Was I the only one? No, I kind of thank you for that one. Yeah. In fact, I saw my brother with a chain wallet this week, and I was like, lame. Dork. Lame. I figured it out. Yeah, but it's kind of a girl's job to help out the guys in their life. You know, like, you guys are family, and we're going to try to point you in the right direction. Oh, I... Hey, it's worked for me. I've been shamed out of some stuff in my life. Thankfully, it's just when it happens, when it happens, I'm like, but then later, I see other people, like I said, and I'm like, oh, dork. I'm telling you, I saw a dude this weekend in cargo shorts. I was like, he's such a douche. Look at that guy. We were doing it three weeks ago. Do you want to know what I saw in a magazine? Reese Witherspoon has this new boyfriend. He was wearing cargo pants. Awful. I was like.

2:32:03Reese! You gotta do something! What happened to Jake Gyllenhaal? He's out? Oh, he's been out for a while. Oh my goodness. Yeah, it's a new guy. Lauren hears a lot of stuff a little bit late. Did you know? She didn't have a TV. Yeah, I knew that. Really? So he's on the market is what you're saying. What I'm saying is that Kramer vs. Kramer isn't in theaters. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And the last way to turn him on, one of them, is she faces reality. She's not always miss positive, but she's not really negative. You know, she knows that there's good and bad. Me and Rebecca wind each other up. Opposites attract. You know how one person is like worrier and the other person's like, oh, don't worry about it. It's going to be fine. Blah, blah, blah. Me and Rebecca are like, we should worry about this. And Rebecca's like, have you thought about this to worry about? And I'm like, oh, my gosh, we should worry about that. I'm so the positive one in the relationship. Oh, my God. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay. That's Jamie. She's a very positive person. That's Jamie, too, and I'm the, but what about if this happens? Yeah. Yeah. Rebecca and I have to, like, practically flip a coin to be like, okay, fine, I'll do it. It's going to be fine. It'll be fine.

2:33:22You're both like, will it, will it, will it, will it. You know what happens, though, all the time is whenever we're driving somewhere, Todd's like, there's not going to be a single parking spot. We're never going to get there. And I'm like, babe, watch. I'm going to will it right now. We're going to get there, and there's going to be one right front and center. And every time there's a parking spot. It's the secret. Every time. It's the secret, yeah. It's the secret. 570-1949 is our number. This is... This may spark something. Do I have to go now or can I? If you're going to spark something, go ahead and spark it. Spark it real good. Maybe I spark this and then people call. 570-1949. This is pretty funny. Lauren was out at Old Town over the weekend and hostess walked by the table and one of Lauren's friends said, Señorita. Señorita. Oh, my God. A white friend, I dig it. Cinco sarduas, por favor. No. No, she did not. Yeah, she did. And then the person turned around with an annoyed look. Trying to get into the bit, you know. Yeah, had kind of an annoyed look on her face and said, Si. Con huelo. Con huelo. Hielo. Hielo. That's how you pronounce that. Yeah, easy. I'm the Mexican in the room. I don't know how to say it. Huelo. It means with or without ice. Yeah. Right.

2:34:46I got that. Yay! Good for you. So her friend reached his limit, and so was a he. It was a he. Reached his limit in Spanish and just started, like, looking around, didn't know what to do, didn't know how to continue. And the person said, you know, the waitress said, you want ice in that? Perfect English. Yeah. Not Mexican. Oh, boy. I had seen her. That was the worst part. I had seen her on the way in. She was the hostess, so she's like, how many in your party? Like, just talking. So when he went and did that, I was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I've totally done that. Have you ever mistakenly done something really politically incorrect? Unmistake. Really? Yeah. Woods. How long do we have? Yeah. Forget it. 570-1949. Oh, Sienna. I'm having a heart attack here, for God's sakes. This guy who had the biggest crush on in elementary school sang this at a talent show, and I was like... Dreamy. You are the man. All for one, I can love you like that. Wow, Sienna. Oh, Woods is going to barf. I know. They read your Cinderella. You hoped it would come true. It would come true. It would come true. This is mine and Mikey's song.

2:36:23Sounds like it was auto-tuned before it was auto-tuned. It's Pizza Terra for you. Oh, wow. Okay. All right, so we're talking about politically incorrect things that you've said. Oh, yeah. A mistake or whatever. You didn't mean it to be politically incorrect. It just was politically incorrect. M1Lush texted in and said, I was in Target. and I had wrapped my sweatshirt around my head just for the heck of it. Oh, my God. Looked behind me in line, and there's a guy with a real turban on. Oh, my God. That a girl. Wow. No joke. I had no idea they were there. I was mortified. That's great. M1 Lush. M1 Ashley from San Marcos. Hello. Hi. What did you do? Sorry, we're going to book store.

2:37:27And we have the new Mitt Romney book. And I had a dude come in and he's picking up like 15 copies. And we offer a special discount program. And he's like, oh, I'm pretty sure my dad has one of those. So he gives me his last name and it's Romney. And I'm like, oh, okay. This is his son. So I'm looking at the membership and he tells me that the city they live in. And I look at him and I'm like, oh, Utah. And he was quiet for a second. And he's like, no, Massachusetts. And I was like, oh. Yeah. So you assumed it. Not all Mormons are from Utah. Right. Right. Oh, yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah. That's pretty bad. Thank you for the call. You're welcome. That's M1 Ashley. M1 Dana from Encinitas. Hello. Hi. I show dogs, and after a dog show, my friends and I would all go out for breakfast. So we were at Denny's, and as you know, female dogs are called bitches. Just as we were talking about the show and talking about so-and-so had such an ugly black bitch, the black actress walked by. Oh, you did it. I think somebody said that she was fat. Oh, wow. Dude. You knew better than to just talk like that. If she shows dogs, though, if she shows dogs, it's the one...

2:38:46group of people in the world that probably actually do refer to it because it's a part of the culture. Even in Denny's. Oh yeah, you don't even think about it. You're just talking about this bitch and that dog and whatever. And I have heard that in that culture of dog, you know, people that show dogs. That's what they say. Absolutely. They don't say dogs. And female dogs. They don't go, oh, the female. They say bitches. That's the name of the female dogs. Oh, wow. And the only people in the world that actually do it are people that show dogs. Our awards are called Winner's Bitch. Wow. Yeah. Them and rappers. That's it. Those are the only two. It's the only two cultures. Rappers and dog shows. Isn't that great? Wow. Wow. Oh, I'm sure. But I meant. No, no, no. We showed up. We showed up. We showed up. We showed up. I have a license. You want to see it? I swear. Seriously. Not you. You're lovely. You're a lovely woman. You're a lovely woman. Wow. Genius. Thank you, Dana. That's a doozy. That's a big one. That is a doozy. M1 Joe from San Diego. Yeah. What'd you do?

2:40:00It was my wife about three years ago was pregnant at the time, and we were in Palm Springs in the gondola going up the mountain. And we were standing next to a pretty large woman. And my wife, in her pregnant state, wanted to talk to everyone and asked, how far along are you? Her quote was, oh, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat. Wow. Stuck in the gondola for the entire ride up, and I wanted to jump. I would have died. What did you guys say when she said that? She just turned, like, purple and said, I'm so sorry. She's like, oh, that's fine. That's okay. And we were in the gondola, stuck with them up the entire mountain. Yeah, you're riding up going, you sure you're not? If they would open the door, I would have jumped out. Was it dead silence? How did you guys react to it? Was it silent or did you nervously make small talk? Or what was the rest of the ride?

2:41:02Mine was turn to the window. Oh, yeah. Texting somebody. Yeah, texting. That's what I would do. What a lovely gondola ride. Yeah, I was like smashing myself against the window, like trying to get out of this thing. And her reaction was to apologize and then just kind of turn around and join me. When you got off of the ride, what was that conversation? Was she mortified or was she like, oh, give me a break. She was mortified. And I was just so pissed. Did you tell her you're just not allowed to talk in public anymore until you have this baby? Basically. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe she said, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat. I'm just fat. Oh, my gosh. That makes me want to cry. Good job. See you later. Hardcore. Oh, it's hardcore. Oh, jeez. Thank you, Joe. Are you sure you're not pregnant? Are you sure? Are you sure? Because I've seen these television programs. They think you don't know. A lot of times people don't know. Have you been to the doctor? You make it even worse. Yeah.

2:42:00Yes, ma'am. I'm sure I'm not pregnant. That would entail me having intercourse with somebody, and that didn't happen, so I'm not pregnant. Yeah. Wow. Unless it's the immaculate conception. Could be. Could be. Number two. Wow. I don't know. If I were you, I'd get a pregnancy test, just to be sure. Honey, shut your mouth. Shut up. Babe, you've seen it. Shut up. No, we were just watching your show, though. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Oh, my gosh. I swear to God, if you don't shut up, I'm moving out when we get home. M1D from San Diego. Hi, I was talking on the phone with a customer a few years ago at work, and he had a Middle Eastern accent, and I got really caught up in listening to his accent, and he stopped in the middle of what he was saying, and he asked me what my name was, and I go, my name? My name is Dayit. Oh my gosh! I do that to people that have the British accent sometimes. My jaw is dropped open. My name is Ashley Diane, so it was like, ooh, and I had to put him on hold because we were laughing so hard. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Sometimes it just happens. I've done that with my British friend, but never, yeah. Never Middle East. That's more of an insult. If you've got a British friend, if you have a British friend, it's totally fine to go, oh, that's wonderful. But if you're a customer service person.

2:43:24And you've got somebody on the line that's Middle Eastern and you go, well, that's a very nice little doctor. You're going to get killed. Killed. That is funny. Any time I have a really dumb moment, which there's a lot of them, my friends call it a Daid moment. Oh, my gosh. My name is Daid. Daid. Oh, my gosh. I love that. That's the worst. I love that. Let's see. M1 Anastasia. That's me. from tecate is that right no i'm on the california side and it's a little town called for travel it's like not even on map quest right on you're listening to us and that's all that matters yeah so what did you do What did you do? I'm glad you like us that much. Yeah. She just did it. Wait a minute. She just did it. Yeah, wait a second. You just did a politically correct thing. You just did a politically correct thing. Yeah. She's like, hey, listen. I'd listen to something else. I don't get anything like you. I'd listen to Pooh if it were on the airwaves. If Pooh were broadcasting right now. I'd listen to it. I'd listen to it. But you guys are it. Anyway, I'm calling about the topic. Go ahead, Anastasia.

2:44:39Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yikes. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Go. I just took a passing glance and didn't know. I saw two tall people and a short person. I assumed it was two and a half. Oh, that's the worst thing you could ever do. It was a little person. And I said that. I was like, hey, you saw two and a half? Little person looks up and is like, really? Oh my god. What's the matter with you people? I was joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? That is hard. You're making a whore. I know. I felt so embarrassed. I was like, let's get them a prime spot. Let's do what we can. Anastasia, was it a little person or just a short person? No, it was a little person. Oh, my gosh. Were they like, really? Really? Half? You're going to make that joke to me? Yeah, like I've never heard that one. Thanks. Was it Mikey? That's what I heard. Yeah, was it me? Was it me with Woods? You're like, I remember that. Oh, my gosh.

2:46:02Wow. That's brutal. I bet. If it makes you feel any better, I was waiting tables and had a couple. Two ladies come in. No, I'm sorry. It was a lady and a man, but the man had sort of a Hugh Grant haircut. Oh, no. And I said, hi, ladies, joining us. Oh, Lauren, you did not. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. End man. End man. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Hi, ladies. I haven't even done that once. I've done that several times. I would just stop saying hi, ladies. Why don't you just say, how you guys doing? I don't know. It was like, it was compulsive. I couldn't stop. Oh, wow. M1 Lindrell from Spring Valley. What'd you do? So I was working in a restaurant and I had a party of eight. And so I walked up to this guy's daughter and I asked, oh, did your daughter want a resale? And she looks up at me with the most annoyed face and he goes, that's my son.

2:47:07Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's bad. Wow. I'm sorry. You probably wanted to die. You probably wanted to die. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I had my friend take the table. I was like, I can't take that table. I would have quit. Yeah. I would have quit. I'd walk right out the door. See, I've done that to babies before. Oh, yeah. I was never, like, 12-year-old. Yeah, it happens. That happened to us when the babies were newborns. We had the twins. And they go, oh, what are these little girls' names? What's her name? Yeah, it's Luke. Hey, hey, toots, my name's Luke. Get out of my face, your breath stinks. Her name is Luke, and her name is Ryan. There you go. I knew if I waited, I'd get a taste. Kings of Leon, or as Woodsy says, Kings of Leon. To you, somebody. Want to know what Burger King's new menu item is? Me too. Yeah, right. That's all you know. I remember there was a controversy with this song.

2:48:58Yeah, Kelly Clarkson has a song, Already Gone, and they were written by the same guy, Ryan Tedder, I think, from One Republic, something like that. And it sounded exactly the same. Yeah, and they were exactly the same. He wrote basically the same song, but just different lyrics. I think Eskimo Blue Waters did this too. Yeah. I think she did also. That's right. I wouldn't either. That's right. She's very unoriginal. What is the new menu item? I almost called you Savannah. Weird. Sienna. What is the new menu item at Burger King? Actual barbecue ribs on the bone. Really? Yes. Get out of here. Are you serious? That's what this is saying. Yeah, I guess Burger King has been testing real pork ribs in several markets for a while now, and people are in on them, and they're going to be spread all over to all the stores. I would get that in a second. Yeah, you're damn right you would. It was my idea. Wow. Weird. It's topper. This summer, when the ribs should be at all the buzzer games. This summer, they're coming out this summer, dude. That's what Sienna just said. I know, that's what I said. They're coming out this summer. What's up, bitches? No, that's the grossest thing. Hey. Hey. Take off your Lakers jersey. Why, dude? You gotta rep the team, man. Because, as Lauren says, unless your name is actually Kobe Bryant.

2:50:20You with the sideway baseball cap. This is Kobe's jersey. You're Kobe. Oh, that's actually. Game one from game two. He gave you that jersey. Yeah, it's game one. It's got blood on it. How old are you? 38. You're 38 years old. You have your baseball cap. It's a Von Dutch. Von Dutch. They don't even make those anymore. No, no one wears them. I got this custom made. I know Von. He's a friend. I bet. Toppers. MySpace page has a picture of him with that hat on to the side. Shirtless. Shirtless, nipples pierced. Ew, ew, ew. Don't show me. Every time I say it, he shows me. It's so creepy. It's so tight. He's got his arms around two girls in bikinis. There is in each hand clear plastic cups with beer in it. This is my bro, Jared, who has a boat. Yeah. Or is it Lake Mead? That was where that picture's from? Yeah. Oh, okay. He's chilling on a boat. Yeah, I'm on a boat. He wrote that song about us. T-Pain's a buddy. He's a friend. Dude, I was just in your new studio, Mike. I saw that new studio. Don't feel like we're close and you call me Mike and that's just... Dude, I just went over and looked at it.

2:51:42What'd you think? I'm actually helping JR and some of those guys with some of the stuff now. You're helping our engineering department with our new studio. Dude, yeah, kudos. Because you know why? I just built my own. You did? Yeah, I built my own studio. Where? It's at my crib. Los Alamos Heights. What are you doing? Los Alamos! Los Alamos Heights! What is that? Where's that? It's private. It's private. Look at me like that when you say private. It's a private place where we can have real private conversations. Really? How you doing, Sienna? I'm doing good. That's so creepy because he looks over at Lauren when he says the word private. He goes, it's private. It makes me feel dirty. So dirty. I've never heard of Los Alamos Heights. Where is it? It's in Rancho. It's in Rancho. Must be nice. Yeah, so I got... What we did is we hollowed out below the house, and that's my recording studio. I'm going to do Spencer Pratt's first record. You guys know him. He's a friend. I bet. From the hills? Yeah, dude. He gets a bad rap. Seems right up your alley. He's really deep.

2:52:53He's really deep. Spencer Pratt's not deep, actually. He's deep. Deep in BS. I just wanted to say kudos, man, because get in your own studio. It's something I always wanted. I built it. It took us an afternoon. We got it. It's done. John Mayer came over last weekend, and him and Jay-Z are going to collaborate there. So I'm thinking I'm going to produce that record, too. How do you afford? Don't scratch like that. That's weird when you scratch like that. Don't. Do that. Pull your jeans up, and I don't need to see your six-pack abs. Don't you? Is that a spray on tan? Don't show me. He has a spray on tan. I think those abs are airbrushed. No, they're not. Here, come here. I think they are. Don't. Don't touch them, Sienna. I can wipe it off. Yeah, it came off on your finger. Ew, it smells like a tanning lotion. How do you afford? Yeah, I know. Every time he comes in, it smells like beer and coconuts. You know who else I'd want to get in that studio? Who? Eskimo. Eskimo Blue Waters. I see that little dime walking around in here. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. She wears that vest every day. I don't even think she's ever washed it. It's all right. She's natural. All natural, baby. I think that she would, oddly enough, go for Topper. Do you? Maybe. She might be, like, impressed by Topper. If she thinks that he's got some industry ends. Well, dude, you know who my investors are from my studio? Who? You guys remember Mace?

2:54:11Yeah. Bad, bad, bad, bad boy. He's one of them. Snow. You remember Snow? Oh, yeah. He did Informer. Yeah, dude, that's my champ. He's a good friend, dude. That's a good song. That's one of your best friends. Yeah, don't call him Clarence, though, because he doesn't like it. You call him Snow. That's his name? Yeah. You're a clown. Tone Logue. Tone Logue. Yeah. Do you know Tony, Tony, Tony as well? Yeah, dude, they're friends. They're pals of mine. Hey, I got two new tats I wanted to show. I don't want to see them. I want to show a little bit. Oh, you're going to show me? She didn't want to see them. Oh, it's barbed wire. Yeah, dude. How tight is that? It's like a Japanese symbol. Yeah, you know what it means? What does it mean? It means life. Ew. Weird. You're so creepy. It means life. You sure about that? You like that, dude, the barbed wire? Yeah, you don't have to lower your pants anymore. Looks hard, dude. Doesn't that look good? Hey, topper. I get it. They said this morning that Facebook and MySpace are actually taking your personal information. So maybe you kill your MySpace page. No, never, dude. Never, man. That's like my honey hole. That's where I get all my leads from. It's so gross. You sign on to his MySpace page and you hear butterfly.

2:55:22By Crazy Town. By Crazy Town. They're friends of mine. Yeah. Friends of mine. Is that right? Yeah, I got to get, dude. I got to lay some tracks. Thanks, Topper. Love you guys. Be good. See you, bitches. See you later. Oh, gross. Hey now, he's a Topper. He can top you all day. Hey now, yeah, he's that guy. He's a walking cliche. Everyone's met Topper. You just don't realize it. Every workplace has a Topper. Anybody ever date a Topper in here? Heck no. You guys have never dated a topper? Yeah, I kind of do. That's awesome. I bet Hillary didn't. Hillary, did you ever date a topper? No. Never dated the guy out at Havasu taking pictures of himself, putting them on MySpace? No, run. I'm always running the other way from that. Six-pack abs, pierced nipple rings. Ew, I never had the pierced nipples. No.

2:56:14The other stuff was fine. But Pierce Nipples, you're like, oh, no. I draw the line. Havasu, who doesn't like that? You don't have standards. Yeah. I like Havasu. Hillary's in here. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Oh, I'm going to play the new wigs and the soft pack and leftover requests from last week, actually, for Black Joe Lewis and the Honey Bears. Finally, I'll get that on. There you go. Talking heads, good stuff. I saw that FM 94.9. posted about Bono's back surgery. Uh-huh. That Bono had to have emergency back surgery. What's the deal with that, Sienna? It happened in Munich on Friday. He had to go. He injured himself while preparing for the next tour. Yeah. It did not happen in Munich, Sienna. Well, he had to have emergency back surgery in Munich, Wolfgang. In France. Wolfgang, you don't even know. You wouldn't even know that. Bono's a friend of mine. He is? Yes, he is. He's great. You two are the greatest band ever. Yeah. Well, I think Bono might have a problem with you saying that you guys are friends. I think Bono has a problem with you, Michael. Really? No. Yes. He does not like Mexicans. Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. That's the oddest joke he's ever told. But he loves soccer, so go figure.

2:57:32So Bono had a specialist perform the surgery on Friday, and he's going to spend the next few days in the hospital, and then he's going to come home to recuperate, and his manager said that they're most likely going to be needing to cancel a few more shows. Real quickly, can you give me the foods that I'm not supposed to buy again, that I should never buy again? Is that it? Yeah, one of them is not food, and that's water bottles. Oh, okay. So why should I not buy these things? Why? Yeah, because it's like politically incorrect to buy them? Not necessarily. It's just that you can make the stuff at home. You can get it at home. Like there's no need for you to spend that much money on... Kombucha. Yeah. Why buy it? There you go. Why buy it if you can make it at home? If you can cultivate it. You can get it at home, but it tastes like dirt. No, but like frozen vegetables. How many people buy the frozen vegetables? Why don't you just buy the regular ones? You could buy the regular ones and freeze them, is what you're saying. Well, no, why? Just eat them. Just eat them. Like, why do you even buy the frozen ones? They go bad. Just eat them that night. Just go shopping every day. No, I got a reason. Why? Way more convenient. Yep. What? I'll tell you why. If you buy frozen corn niblets, what are you going to do? Buy a husk of corn and you sit there and...

2:58:38I mean, you can if you want, but maybe you got a job. I don't know. Maybe you got a job and you're busy. You got to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning. And you come home, you want to just take the bag and cook. Frozen fruit bars. There's usually like $2 a fruit bar. You can make them at home. Go ahead. Buy some bananas and mill them in a food mill. Do you remember the bits? My mom used to make homemade popsicles with orange juice. It's the worst. I like them. They're good. I like them too. We still do it. In the Tupperware deal, right? Yeah, the Tupperware. They have them now where they have a built-in straw so you can like... I love them. The juices that melt. Kool-Aid. We used to do it with Kool-Aid. Yeah. Did you ever do it with Coke? It was the worst with Coke. Hey, Mom, maybe just give me a dollar and let me go out to the ice cream man. Protein bars, the energy or protein bars, they're just as bad, if not worse, than a candy bar. That's why they're up in that aisle when you're checking out of the grocery store. Are you serious? And they're so expensive. Yeah, most of them have so much fat and sugar content. They're just as bad as if you just bought a candy bar. I had no idea. Yeah. Because I do that. I buy, like, granola bars instead. I'm like, I don't know.

2:59:38I'll be good. That's why they store them when you're checking out. It's like a last minute, like, oh, I'll get one of those, you know? I'm feasting on those things thinking I'm Mr. Healthy. Yeah. Hey, look at me. I'm a health nut. No. Might as well eat a Snickers. Some of them aren't bad. Like, those Cliff Bars aren't bad. They have a lot of fat, but. Power Bars aren't bad. Yeah. But most of them are, like, chocolatey, you know? Might as well have three most good tears. Is that it? Sounds good to me. Tastes a lot better. Yeah, that's it. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next, and we'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. Mikey Show's out late.