The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 05/25/11
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
political gaffescelebrity scandalsstadium securitychildren and social mediatelevision finaleswrestling humorcampaign financeprank callsfamily loyaltydiet hypocrisyoffensive languagetrue crime
On The Mikey Show, Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, and Jay mixed celebrity and political news with pointed call-in comedy: they speculated about Barack Obama's wrong date, mocked Oprah Winfrey's farewell, and wondered whether Arnold Schwarzenegger's son knew his parentage. They argued about responsibility and loyalty in Brian Stowe's lawsuit against the Dodgers, a parent's friendship with a daughter's ex, and whether a blunt Glee PSA could discourage slurs. News discussions covered possible charges against John Edwards, Casey Anthony's new drowning defense, and Mark Zuckerberg's interest in bringing younger children onto Facebook. The biggest comic set pieces were Woods's absurd pet-store Incorporator call, Monica exposing Mikey and Woods at McDonald's while they were supposedly dieting, and Jay's too-soon Randy Savage funeral jokes.
What happened, in order
Obama's 2008 Signature
The hosts debated whether Barack Obama's incorrect 2008 date in Westminster Abbey's guest book was a simple mistake, a Freudian slip, or a reference to Hillary Clinton's campaign troubles on that date.
Brian Stowe Lawsuit
The panel argued over whether the Dodgers bore responsibility for the attack on Brian Stowe because of allegedly reduced security or whether the lawsuit merely targeted the deepest pockets.
Kids on Facebook
Mark Zuckerberg's interest in letting children under 13 use Facebook prompted skepticism about privacy laws, parental objections, and the millions of underage children already using the site.
Arnold's Son May Not Know
After hearing Rogelio Ballena say the boy might not know Arnold Schwarzenegger is his biological father, the hosts wondered how such a widely reported secret could still be hidden from him.
Oprah's Farewell Spectacle
The crew mocked Oprah Winfrey's elaborate farewell shows, Rosie O'Donnell's musical number, Stedman Graham's tribute, and the revelation that Oprah herself was the final guest.
Macho Man Funeral Jokes
Jay presented a deliberately too-soon list of wrestling-themed jokes about Randy Savage's funeral while the rest of the room alternated between laughing and objecting.
John Edwards Charges
A breaking report said prosecutors were preparing campaign-finance charges against John Edwards over donor money allegedly used to hide his affair with Rielle Hunter.
The Pet-Store Incorporator
Woods called a pet store as an odd customer and successfully forced listener-supplied words such as tango, cannonball, eucalyptus, busty, and pioneer into the conversation.
Friends With a Daughter's Ex
The hosts split over whether a parent who stays friends with a daughter's ex is betraying family loyalty, with Woods defending the independent friendship and Lauren O'Brien prioritizing the daughter's feelings.
Caught at McDonald's
Caller Monica exposed Mikey and Woods at a McDonald's drive-through, leading them to invent excuses before admitting the fast-food run had undercut their workout talk.
Does a Blunt PSA Work?
A confrontational Glee PSA triggered a serious argument about slurs, whether shock changes ignorant behavior, and how television can start corrective conversations between children and parents.
Casey Anthony Defense Twist
Sienna explained that Casey Anthony's defense claimed her daughter drowned accidentally and that Casey concealed it because alleged childhood abuse had taught her to hide pain, allegations her father denied.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayBarack ObamaHillary ClintonBrian StoweMark ZuckerbergArnold SchwarzeneggerRogelio BallenaOprah WinfreyRosie O'DonnellStedman Graham
35,076 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I killed Mikey. It's the J Show. How you doing? It's Mikey, and we would love for you to call in. 570-1949. Or you could text 949Mikey at gmail.com. I am hopped up on so much cold medicine, it's ridiculous. But sometimes that makes for a fun show. Because it's unpredictable and I'm all over. So we'll see what happens. You can call. So give us a call. 570-1949. Excuse me. What's your ailment? Boy, that helped turning the microphone off. It sounded like I just threw up. My ailment, I don't know, could be bacterial. Listen, I don't ever pick my nose anymore. Never, never pick my nose anymore. Really? Yeah, and the reason that I don't is because I convinced myself that I was giving myself sinus infections by picking my nose. Because I was like, oh, there's probably bacteria on my fingers. I'm going to never do that again.
But the other day, like a guy, I'm in the shower. About four days ago, I'm in the shower, and I'm like, I got something on my nose. I picked my nose. Great. Now I got a sinus infection. But it could be my kids, because I got kids with runny noses, and I don't know what it is. I've never had a sinus infection. Is it like a cold? Do you have a sore throat and all that stuff? It hurts. L.O.B. had it, too. You had the post-nasal drip, right? I think it was from you picking my nose. Yeah, I was picking L.O.B.'s nose. I would have no problem picking any girl's nose. I would have a big problem picking any guy's nose. Pick my nose. Never. Why? Wouldn't in a million years. Never. You wouldn't either? I'll pick your nose. Because guy boogers to me are gross and girl boogers are girls. Girl boogers are filthy. No, they're girls. They're worse. They're worse. It's like girl farts. What's worse than girl farts? Nothing. What's worse than girl duty? Nothing.
You really got my morning started, Strange. I'm glad. Glad I could be of service to you. Woods is our sports guy. He's 35. He's wearing Jay's knit cap. He's now his. Much like your button-down shirt that I have. It's my own. Yeah. It's my new bed. I just steal stuff from my friends. That's right. Lauren O'Brien is 30 years of age. We also call her L.O.B. She's wearing her Amelia Earhart jacket today. Yep. And doing it up real good. Did you just say all aboard? Like, that's a train saying. Not a conductor. It's not even a pilot saying. If she had a conductor hat. If he had said, want to get away? Like, that would have been a Southwest reference. It would have made sense. It's an airplane. But he wants to be perverted. And he says, all aboard. Buckle up. It's a plane jacket, Jay. Oh, then choo-choo. Let me touch your caboose.
I said plane, not train. Get out of my dreams and into my car. It's not a car. It's an airplane. Speed racer. It's a plane. It's a plane. It's a bicycle built for 10. Will my bags fit in your overhead car? Isolate the whole thing. Please. Please. Please. Isolate. I couldn't finish it. That may have been one of the greatest moments. It's like he was running in. Ever. Oh, Jay. If somebody had asked me a year ago if Jay was going to be the funniest thing in my life.
I just said, no. Oh, Jay. Oh, Jay. Hey, Mikey, let me in. Hang on, Jay. Give me a second. Go ahead. Where are you going, Jay? Mike, let me in. Go back in here, Jay. There he goes. Holy crap. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That was brilliant. Oh, boy. Sienna's our news girl. She's 26. And she has a necklace that is identical to one that means a lot to my mom. Never said that. And I gave it to my mom, and she loves it. Jay is our producer. He's 47 years of age. I don't mean to say that Jay is cheap.
But he's wearing a t-shirt that says Trainspotting. Classic. Which is a radio promotional t-shirt that he got when the movie Trainspotting came out. Yay! In 1993. It's a keeper. Apparently. It used to be red. Now it's orange. I'm going to throw it away. And what am I going to do? Thank you, God, for day. I know. Thank you so much. And our phone screener is Chris. Let's cross. Let's cross. Let's cross. This morning at 7.30, Woods will be doing The Incorporator. Yes! I think we all know who I'm going to be doing today. Either Jay or Garrett? It's going to be Jay. I mean, it has to be after that bit. All right. So he'll imitate Jay. And today he's going to be calling a pet store.
I can't wait. Oh, I just want to keep listening to that. The word of the day is popsicle. And so sometime between now and 10, you are going to hear me say the word popsicle. And then caller number nine will win a pair of tickets to see L.A. Rising with Rage Against the Machine. Meows and Rise Against. At the L.A. Coliseum on July the 30th. Holy cow. Yeah. So this is such a strange story. Obama's doing his. European tour. Yeah. 2011. Right. Yesterday he was in Ireland and then, excuse me, day before yesterday he was in Ireland. Yesterday he was in England? Yeah, he was in Britain. And he did something real weird. Yeah, he went to the Westminster Abbey and he signed the guest book and this is what he wrote. It's a great privilege to commemorate our common heritage and common sacrifice. Barack Obama, May 24th, 2008. Okay. Now, Sienna talked to her husband Todd about this. Yes. Todd believes that there's something to it. Well, I mean, it's just...
I understand if he were to write 2010, but who puts 2008? And he's not an idiot, clearly. He's the president. Well, yeah. You know, and there has to be like some double meaning or something. But Todd Googled it. He Googled it, the date, May 24th, 2008. And it was the day that Hillary Clinton made the big announcement. And she was talking about the June of 68 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy. That was a big deal when she talked about that. And it said that she was defending her decision to remain in the presidential race until at least June 3rd. But she had to apologize for her comment about Bobby Kennedy and it was inappropriate. And it was a big story. When Todd Googled it, it was like the headline of New York. New York Times and the LA Times. And it was like the huge story of that date. And so then when Obama said, it's a great privilege to commemorate our common heritage and common sacrifice. May 24th, 2008. The word commemorate in there, I feel like it means something. I don't think it means anything. I don't know. Here's what I think he did. I think May 24th, 2008, it's just a theory.
May 24th, 2008 was a big deal to him because it was that day that he remembers that she was about to drop out. Yeah. And so maybe it's a Freudian slip. It was a big deal to him. It was a big deal to him. May 24th, 2008. He'll never forget the day. Maybe when he's having beers with his friends, he's like, hey, you guys remember May 24th, right? No. You'd have to know my senior counselor, but it was a fun day for us because it was a day Hillary, you know, pooped the bed. Yeah. Great. We're going to deal you in here. We're going to play some cards. Come on, guys. This is a big moment I'm talking here. This is May 24, 2008. You've been, you know, you've been slow playing everybody all night. John, your wedding day was a big day to you. If you were talking about your wedding day, I wouldn't pee all over it. For goodness sake, this is a big day to me. Talk about your wedding day. Okay. Well, May 24. You know what? Deal me in. Fine. You're in. Yeah. We're slow playing all night. It's ridiculous. It's all over the internet right now. Apparently Obama doesn't know what year it is. He doesn't know what year it is. Well, he does, but something... Something's weird about it. I don't know. We've all done it. I do it. We do it the year before, though. 2010 is understandable, not 2008. How about that? What does that do for you? Wow. I've done 12. George Jetson or something. Yeah. Fair enough. It means you got the DeLorean up to 88. Yep.
So anyway, that's a big deal. And then also something else about Obama. He spent the night at Buckingham Palace, had dinner with the Queen. He also met William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Plus eight. Plus eight. You know, he's just making the rounds. Yeah. European vacation, real good. They stayed at Buckingham Palace, just got waited on. Good for him. I don't know why people make such a big deal out of... When presidents go to places. Foreign relations. Such a big to-do about nothing. He's having relations in Buckingham Palace, real sweetly. That's right. You know, Sienna once lived here in another life. So she says. True story. I love coming to England, and one of the reasons that I do is to show the kids around. Look, kids, it's a freaking Big Ben. Isn't that great? Look over there. It's the Thames River. Daddy, I think it's Thames. Thames. The Thames River. Well, whatever. It's 2008. You'd think I'd know that. Yeah, it's 2011. Whatever. Anybody want to go check out that big Ferris wheel thing? What is it, Piccadilly Circus? Yeah, you want to go to Piccadilly Circus? Is that what it's called? I think it is. Yeah. Yeah, we should head over there. You want to see a museum about Jack the Ripper?
Not really. All right. Do you get some fish and chips? Let's just go back home. Sounds good to me. Sounds like the most boring trip in the world. I wonder if he was hungover when he wrote 2008 from Ireland. Maybe he had a couple of Guinnesses. I think he did. There's pictures of him pounding some Guinness. Really? Yeah. Hey, this is kind of good news. You know the guy, the Giants fan that was beat up at the Dodgers game? His parents are taking matters into their own hands. Yeah, they are. And they had caught one of the suspects, and they're still looking for two more suspects. The LAPD has found one of the guys. They're saying he's the main guy. Now, the family of Brian Stowe, who is the guy that got beat up, the Giants fan, they are suing the Dodgers. Now, I don't know if you know too much about what's going on with the Dodgers right now. They're in probably the worst financial state in Major League Baseball. Really? The McCourts are going through a divorce. They are so far in debt, they almost couldn't make payroll for the month of May. Yeah. Payroll. Wow. Yeah. And so they are now suing. And so their attorney says, well, it's simple. They've shown a disregard for public safety. They've gotten rid of security people. They have had all these incidents at their games more than other teams. And there's also a known gang presence. What did they think was going to happen? There's a known gang presence at Dodger games? Allegedly. Oh, that would terrify me.
I'm a 40-year-old wuss, man. That's lawyer talk as well. Wow. So, I mean, I think they got a case. I bet they do. Yeah, I think they probably do. So if you get beat up on the street, you can sue the city? Depends on the circumstance. I mean, you're in a parking lot. I mean, it depends on... I would like to see the security numbers. I mean, you can't just blame... Why do you hate Brian Stowe? My problem is people suing everybody. Frivolously? Yeah, it's just like, oh, I'm going to sue whoever has the biggest pockets. Guy's in a coma, though. Like, I don't think that's really frivolous. Yeah, but it sounds like that. I see what Jay's saying. It sounds like that may have been the fault of some morons, not the Dodgers. Necessarily the Dodgers. If they had, like these people are claiming, let security go. I mean, they're in real bad financial woes right now. The city requires you to have certain amounts of security, and you can't get around that, period. The city sets the standards of how much security you have to have. I just don't know why you hate a guy in a coma. I don't hate the guy in a coma. I just think there's a problem going after the deepest pockets around. Their pockets are very shallow. Hey, so yesterday when we were on the air, we had this breaking news story that there were these bodies found. I mean, this was huge yesterday, man. It happened while we were on the air, if you weren't listening later in the show.
in an area of san diego called the skyline area there were uh choppers flying over they were doing live reports because there were some bodies that were found in this house and what did it turn out to be sienna yeah it actually was a family the pimienta family uh a husband 44 years old and his wife and their two daughters the daughters were 17 and nine and three of the bodies were found in the pool and one body was found in a bathtub in the house now um early evidence is suggesting that It was a murder-suicide, and they all appeared to have drowned. And what they're saying is the indications are that the husband killed the wife and then the kids before killing himself. Now, we know that the husband and two females were in the pool. We don't know. If it was the younger daughter or the mother that was in the bathtub, that's not known. But we do know that it was two females with the husband in the pool. It's just really sad. The older daughter goes to, went to High Tech High, which is that really good school Obama was going to visit. She graduates next month. People are saying, you know, she was looking forward to prom. The nine-year-old.
daughter would just you know she was always riding her bike and they say you know made friends really easily and they were a really close family and this is just such a weird thing but there was a note left behind which is why they're indicating the husband must have killed the family then himself and we don't know why we don't know why well it says on the note um that he the husband described some financial problems and left instructions on how to dispose of the family's property Yeah. Holy cow. It's never that bad. No, it is never that bad. It isn't. Yeah. That's too bad. And they live in this one story house in the cul-de-sac in Skyline, like Mike said, which is just east of downtown. Yeah. Sad story. There is a plan in the works for a 500 foot. $100 million Las Vegas wheel? Yes. What does that mean? Ferris wheel? Uh-huh. They are going to be changing the skyline of Vegas because this thing is going to be huge. And it's developer Howard Bullock. And he released the details earlier this week on Monday. And he wants to have the site across Las Vegas Boulevard from the Mandalay Bay Hotel. And he wants... Excuse me. Maybe he doesn't know it's hot there.
I don't know. I mean, they just want to bring something else to the table, something else that's cool to bring the money up in Vegas. It'd be fun in August, wouldn't it? Sitting on top of that, just riding a Ferris wheel in 114 degree weather. That sounds like a blast, Howard. The plan also includes a roller coaster and 200,000 square foot retail restaurant and entertainment space. Maybe they build it inside a place. But he said it's going to be a world-class attraction. It's going to fill the niche in our economy that we need. It's going to create jobs and offer a new and unique entertainment in Vegas that they don't have. Wow. There'll be 40 gondolas for this wheel. Each is going to hold up to 25 passengers. You'll be able to rent them out for private parties and cater drinks. A Ferris wheel will not work in Las Vegas, in my opinion, because it's hot. And you've got to sit on a Ferris wheel and go around and around. It's a gondola. I wonder if it's got AC in it. It holds 25 people. I think they're thinking about the London wheel because that brings in 3.5 million visitors per year. Yeah, but London is in 114 degrees in August. How do they do that in Vegas? It's cold. Yeah, what about... And that's the other thing. Do you know in the wintertime in Vegas, it's freaking freezing cold. At night, it's freezing. I don't know. We go there and we ride the roller coasters and all that stuff. It's fine.
Yeah, they have a roller coaster on the roof of some place, don't they? Not anymore. They used to have that stratosphere. What do you mean, not anymore? They don't have it anymore. It was at the top of the Space Needle, and they don't have it anymore. They shut it down. No, they shut it down. It doesn't run anymore. Nita was just there about a year ago and rode on it. Yeah. They have one in New York, New York that you can ride. That's where she was. Yeah, right. The stratosphere at the top of the needle, they shut that thing down. Scariest roller coaster in history. Goes over the side of the building, right? Yeah, and around. It goes around. It's at the top of the Space Needle. It's insane. Were they refurbishing it or they decided no more? They shut the mother down. Yeah, they probably didn't want anybody to get killed on that. Hey, what's the deal with Mark Zuckerberg wanting kids on Facebook? Well, the age requirement right now is 13. And he basically is saying, you know, I want younger kids. Younger kids want to be a part of Facebook. It's a good experience for them. They're going to, you know, learn the things that they need to be learning. Technology is very crucial for kids. And so he is saying, he said, my philosophy is that for education, you need to start at a really, really young age. But obviously parents are like, I don't want my nine-year-old on Facebook. You know, I think 13 is a pretty good age limit. Yeah.
There are U.S. Children's Online Privacy Protection Acts and things like that that he would need to get through in order to do this. But just so you guys know, this is pretty crazy. An estimated 7.5 million kids under the age of 13 are already on Facebook. And Facebook closes the accounts of 20,000 underage users a day. Mark Zuckerberg, why would you want kids under 13 to be on Facebook? Well, I think that kids... deserve the right to cheat and divorce as well. That's a terrible, that's an awful thing to say and want that Mark Zuckerberg. In fact, in fact, kids don't even get married. So why would you even want to? Equal opportunity for infidelity. All right. You know. So you feel nine-year-olds can abuse Facebook like adults. Start them young. They got it. Here's the deal. We got this crazy story, man. So the Arnold Schwarzenegger love child, right? I don't know how old the Arnold Schwarzenegger love child is. Ten? Yeah. Right? Is it possible that this kid does not know? Right at this moment. Doesn't know. And if that's the case, you're probably wondering, well, how? How? How does he know? We're going to play you a clip next that will explain how this kid might not know. Yo, coming up.
I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. If a car drove by recently that made you point and say, How cool, what is that? Chances are you spotted the all-new Ford Fiesta. Quite possibly the perfect car for San Diego. Yeah, it's a pretty big deal. Sure, Fiesta's a compact car, but you don't have to compromise a thing. You'll get up to 40 miles per gallon on the highway. Hey, there are 21 hybrids that don't get that kind of MPG. Seriously. The interior looks like the cockpit of a Learjet. And it's quiet. Spooky quiet. If you dig technology, you'll dig this car. Fiesta's available with hands-free sync. Say a command, and it'll dial your phone and play your favorite tunes. You're going to want to show this car off to your friends. And feel free to brag about what you paid. Fiesta starts at just $13,320. So stop pointing, wondering, and wishing. What is that? Just come into any San Diego County Ford dealer and drive one. Learn more at sandiegocountyford.com. EPA estimated 29 MPG city, 40 highway, 33 combined. Hybrid claim based on automatic SFE versus 2010 and 2011 hybrids. MSRP excludes tax, title, destination, and registration fees. Optional equipment not included. See dealer for details.
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Cold-filled morning. My head feels like an old oak tree and it's filled with little elves made of cotton. That's what I said when I walked in. Listen to this. This is kind of weird. The Arnold Love Child. This was on Entertainment Tonight last night. Did you ever suspect that Patty was having... By the way, this is... Okay, so you know how Arnold had sex with the woman that was living in his house? Yeah. Okay. They had a kid together? Yes. Well, she was married too. This is her husband. This affair? No, absolutely. Are you angry? Oh, sure. Rogelio Ballena, my exclusive one-on-one interview with a Colombian man who is listed on the boy's birth certificate as the father. This is my son. Really? I don't know what happened. Have you talked to him? No, no. Do you think your son is aware of what's happening? I don't know if he's seen the TV.
He says that he doesn't think his son has seen television. He doesn't think his son knows. His son, maybe like him, doesn't speak English, doesn't watch television, doesn't know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually his father. Wouldn't that be... I mean, think about that. Like, we all know he didn't know? Luke, I am your father. How does he not know? I mean, he doesn't speak English. Somebody has had to tell him. Somebody. You would think, right? Yeah. But the father doesn't think he knows. School, maybe? Weird. I don't know. Somebody at school? Well, I mean, at school, maybe they don't get it either. Maybe they're not really following entertainment tonight. No, but they would know. Hey, you work with Arnold. Your mom works with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger is your dad. How does he not know? Why does that guy think he doesn't know? It's his dad. I don't know. Sad. Seems like it'd be a dead giveaway with the metal endoskeleton. Yeah, he's got an endoskeleton. Yeah, it's true. That would be dead giveaway. It'd be a dead giveaway. How would you not know? And the Spanish slash German accent. Yeah. Austrians. And the red eye that just glows. Yeah. If you go to school and your endoskeleton is showing and you have one red eye and you can lift entire buildings, you can reformulate your cryomagnetism into something else.
and form any shape you want, as long as it's metal. And then, if you're somehow destroyed, you can rebuild that into something else. How do you not know? That does your dad. If you're standing in the bathroom, and you just use the urinal, and then you go to wash your hands, and your hands are able to turn into some other form of ectoskeleton. Magnesium. Oh. We got a phone call at our house last night from a local... 760 number. My wife answered the phone. It was a young, cute-sounding girl named Jessica who asked for Mike. Whoa. Whoa. My wife says, he's asleep right now. Can I tell him who's calling? And the person says, yes, it's herbal something. Rebecca writes me and goes, who's Jessica? Herbal something. I go, I don't know. You tell her you don't worry about it. See how that goes over. Yeah. Maybe keep your eyes on your own paper. Maybe it's my girl.
On the side. No, I told her. I said, it's not my mistress. And it isn't. My mistress knows better than to call the house. That's right. She's not an idiot. But I still want to know who was calling doing that. It's just, I think it's a... It's a local number. It's a telemarketer. From a local number? Sure. Why don't you call them and find out? I told her to. I said, see what happens when you call it back. Try it out. Tell her to get all ghetto on her. Don't you be calling my man up in here when he's asleep? She took good care of me yesterday when I was sick. Who, Jessica from Herbal Place? Yeah, Jessica from Herbal Place. Sweet girl. It's a sweetheart. No, Rebecca brought me dinner upstairs. She poured my NyQuil and she made me an Airborne. Happy birthday. That's right. I did all the shopping and cooking last night, so feast on that. What did you make? I made pasta with grilled chicken. When you say you made pasta. Penne pasta with the sauce that you recommended. Oh, yeah, that $8 sauce? Yeah. Worth every penny. Was it real good? Delicious. Yeah. Rouse. Rouse. Tomato, basil. It's very expensive. Yeah, like $9 a jar, but worth it. Yeah. Freaking great. They make it homemade in giant batches. It's so good. Yeah. L.O.B., you would never spend nine.
No way. Dollars. Or, oh my gosh, you and Jay. That's crazy. Jay just fell out of his chair. I just thought maybe I would do it, but I would add water to it or something. Make it last. Yeah. Maybe some chicken stock. Yeah, you'd make 16 things of it and then freeze it. Yeah. Well, I pass it. I pass it every time I'm in the store. And Mike's recommended. He's like, you got to try it. Now, I'm a Prego guy. All right, it's like $4. Maybe $4. Yeah. And I love it. It's delicious. But I saw it, I'm like. All right, I'm going to see if this guy knows what he's talking about. He does. It's good stuff. And you made that with chicken? I grilled like six chicken breasts and I did the penne pasta. Then I cooked the sauce and I put it all in a pan and like, you know. Look at you. Yeah, made it real sweet. Mikey knows food. Ouch. Give me food. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. All right. All right. It's pushing the basket through the store real good. It's killing me! It's killing me! Jay loves to just roasts me and you afterwards. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Feels real good. Yep. Mike is so fat, got his own zip code. Mike's so fat, he wore high heels and struck oil. Mike is so fat, he wore a Malcolm X t-shirt and they landed a helicopter on him. Mike is so fat, he leaves a ring around the lake.
Mikey's so fat he doesn't have to go up and down the aisles of a grocery store. He just walks in and he's in every aisle. When Mikey lays around the house, he lays around. I was watching an old roast, Sammy Davis Jr. You know, Dean Martin used to do these roasts back in the 70s. And they would have all these celebrities on. And it was crazy, man. They'd be up there. First of all, Dino wasn't just drunk. He was wasted. With a drink in hand. Dude, have you ever seen him, Joe? I was there. I've been there. Yeah, hello. I was in the Rat Pack. Yeah, in the live audience. You know the MGM? I hung the M, the G, and the M. I hung it up there. Built it. Hollywood sign? I built that, too. Built it. Hello. But I was watching it, and Dino is up there. Dean Martin is just.
hammered, like slurring. He's got a glass of bourbon and water. No ice. I know. I know. It looked like really, really light iced tea. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. And he's smoking a cigarette. All the time. And Rebecca goes, Oh, my gosh. You know, and me, too. Like, I was watching, you know, the very beginning of it. And I go, oh, my gosh. Like, because today you would not imagine somebody up there with a bourbon and water and a cigarette in their hand. And they're roasting Sammy Davis Jr. And I'm like, if they said that today, if they said that today. The Sammy Davis story started in Harlem. His family was so poor when Sammy was born, they couldn't even afford a crib. Until the age of three, he slept in a hollowed-out watermelon. Oh, my God! And Sammy Davis Jr. is like...
Every joke. It was racist. It was racist. I was like, oh, my gosh. They had to fight to get him into the venues that they performed at. That was a big deal. And they put their arms around him and walk him in. Yeah. Sammy. Are you serious? He was not allowed. Yeah, they wouldn't allow it. And they're like, hey, you don't get me, Frank, or who's the other one? Joey. Yeah, Joey Lawrence. Yeah, without Lawford. No, that's Peter Lawford. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, Joey Lawrence. He was in the Rat Pack. Yeah, you don't get us if you don't take Sammy. That's insane. I want to try something for the first time, and it is called Airhorn Birthdays. The idea is that we just scare the crap out of somebody. And this time we're going to be scaring M1 Kelly. And what are we going to give her? Let's hook her up with a UFC 130 on Cox Advanced TV. If air horn sounds. Hopefully we wake her up and then we play an air horn. Cox cable what? What is it? It's a pay-per-view on UFC 130 on Cox Advanced TV. Is Kelly there, please? Yes, this is Kelly. Happy birthday, Kelly. Is this the Mikey show? Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
I love you so much. We love you. We love you so much that we're going to let you see a pay-per-view of the UFC. That's right. I don't know if you're a chick. I don't know if you watch UFC. Oh, my gosh. My friend Sean just got me into it a couple months ago. Look at you. I love it. How old are you? 25. Oh, wow. It's a good age to be. Jay, take it easy. All right. Well, happy birthday, Kelly. Thank you, guys. This is awesome. You're very welcome. Hang on the line, please. Maybe my new favorite thing. That's hysterical. I had to take one of the earphones off. It's so loud. Good lord. I love it. We have another one. I almost want to do it. Yeah, why not? Let's do it. Let me get ten more. Like... That's right. You said it. Put your fingers on a diet, fatty. Yeah. P90X for fingers. P-finger eggs. P-finger eggs and fingers.
Hi, can I please speak to Corey, please? This is Corey. It's Mikey, Corey. Hey, Mikey. How are you? I'm good. How old are you? How old are you today? It's a big one. 41? 21. Oh, 21. Oh, yeah. Wow. All right, well, hang on the line, and we're going to set you up with a UFC pay-per-view, okay? Oh, thank you. All right, hang on. Don't burn yourself out tonight, pal. Yeah. It's been known to happen. I had the fattest, loneliest 21-year-old birthday ever. Oh, don't say it. I was so chubby, so chubby, so big. And I went to a comedy place in Tucson with my brother. And, you know, had like a beer. And then went home and probably ate something. Probably. Yeah, Mac. I want tacos and burritos.
Hey, Mike, I did 21 shots on my birthday. I bet you had 21 burritos. 21 shots followed by 21 blondes. And 21 push-ups. That's right. And I did 21 miles. That's right. That's what I backed to work this morning. Okay. So, let's see. Anybody in the room watch one second of the Okra Winfrey show yesterday? Okay, because today's their last day on TV. Is it? Yeah. Is it? Yeah, it's the last day of the ochre show, dude. Well, here's the thing, man. I saw two seconds. No, that's not true. I came in in the middle of it and I go, oh, I want to see this. So I put it on and I came in in maybe the worst part I could come in. It was Rosie O'Donnell doing like a Broadway song. Oh, this is so bad. Listen, I'm... It's almost like this was really bad and awful for me. And I it's like when you smell something terrible and you go, oh, smell this. Or you taste something. Oh, gross. Taste this. That's what I'm doing with M1 Nation right now. I tasted this yesterday. It's awful. Taste it. How much? Oh, gosh. Oh, how are we?
25 years of watching. Gonna go away. How could you, Oprah? Oprah. Without you in the... It was one of the worst things I'd ever seen. Say, ooh, that hoe is big. My ears are bleeding. That was awesome. Steadman got up and spoke. Oh. Jesus. Yeah, I know. Where did he come from? You don't believe in him. Hey, girl. Who's that guy? You are so special. I'm so proud of you. Wish she would marry me. You know, Oprah, I've been your beard for many, many years now. And I think that it would behoove you to marry me. I think it would behoove you to tell the truth about you and Gail. Absolutely. Tell them. Tell them. Oprah. Oprah. I'm even kind of lesbian. And I know all of us are so proud of her. Based on who you are. Can't get her to walk down the aisle.
Every day I have to sign a new prenuptial. Every morning, 9 a.m., we meet at her attorney's office and I sign a new prenuptial agreement. And a confidentiality report. I'm not even kind of lesbian. I come back at 9 a.m. the next morning and sign a new prenuptial agreement. And we're not married. Correct. But I promise I don't get any money. And who you have become. It's amazing. I love you for making a difference. In my life. Oh, wow. Santa's touched by that. Women love when men tell their women publicly. Yeah. Despite the fact that someone named Jessica called her home last night. I just want you to know. Who else did she talk to? Usher performed. Aretha Franklin performed. Maya Angelou. Weird. And Alicia Keys performed a poem for Oprah.
Just ever just ask your own D for like four days and have like a four day going away party for yourself in an arena. There is a tall brook by a lake. And by brook, I mean tree. You Maya Angelou now. There is a woman who stands tall. And wide. She is altogether beautiful. her name is Oikoro Winifrey. She was in the color purple. She was friends with Whoopi Goldberg. I didn't have time to prepare a poem. So instead I thought I would just say stuff. Clearly.
Her final episode is today. And they taped it yesterday. And because it was taped yesterday, everyone's like, who's the final guest? Who's the final guest on the long-awaited show? It was herself. Liz is walking out of the stadium. Well, it says after the taping, details started to leak. Make me wake up right now. The final guest was herself. Somebody slap me. It can't be. That cannot. Be true. Where she recapped lessons she's learned during her time on the air. This is what I'm reading. She buttercup herself? Yeah. Hey, everybody. She's like, oh, this is great. Oh, man. Oh, this is great. This is wonderful. This is wonderful. This is so good. This is so fragrant. So floral. Oh, it's fragrant and floral. Fragrant and floral. Oprah, can you tell me what I think about myself? You're the buzz. You're the buzz. You're the buzz. We're gorgeous.
Wow. I did not. Wow. Wow. You can watch it for yourself today. I'll pass. Wait till I tell you what Jay wanted to do on the air. Wait till I tell you what Jay wanted to do on the air. You think you've heard it all? You haven't. You know what? I'm going to let you do it. There you go. I'll let you do it next. Don't let your babies grow. Crafting this broadcast to tell you. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. Hold out. FM 94.9. Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Push inside Pierre Ava Theater.
Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodile. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low bolts. You can't buy tickets, but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. Hey, San Diego, Justin here for Los Tacos to share the story of how we got started. We're just some guys from North County that grew up hitting Baja and enjoying those street tacos. Then we'll come home still craving tacos, but nowhere to get them. So finally we got together and started Los Tacos, and it's legit.
with all our favorites, including the crazy ones like Lengua, Cabeza, Tripa, Buche, and, of course, Carne Asada, Carnitas, Pastor, and more. So if you, too, also have a craving for legit street tacos, then please do come see us in Oceanside and in Temecula. For more information, you can visit us at GoodTacos.com. This year, we're proud to say Los Tacos is sponsoring Independence Jam Sunday, June 5th. I'm going to be down there with the guys cooking it up, enjoying the music. So stop by, grab some tacos, and say hello. But if you're craving those tacos right now, you can always hit us up at GoodTacos.com. Los Tacos! Let's hear it again. Los Tacos! Cox Advanced TV is way more than just TV. It's the absolute best seat in the house with free HD channels. Cox Advanced TV is a 3D movie theater playing the hottest new releases up to 28 days before Netflix or Redbox. And with MyPrimeTime, it's also a TV genie that puts the shows you miss at your command. Whenever you want to watch them. Plus, add Whole Home DVR, and you can pause, fast forward, and rewind your shows, movies, and sporting events from any room in the house. And with TV online, you can take your shows wherever you go. Cox Advanced TV is all this, and a lot more, for a lot less. Because now, Cox Advanced TV starts at less than $20 a month for three months. Add HBO and Cinemax for just $15 a month more for six months. To get this great offer, don't delay. Visit cox.com today.
Cox Advanced TV. It turns your TV into so much more. Limited time offer. Excludes equipment rental, taxes, and other fees. Other restrictions apply. You drive to and from work every day, to and from the grocery store, and to and from your kid's soccer practice. When was the last time you thought about driving toward a better future? Right now, University of Phoenix is offering you the chance to test drive our classroom in a free three-week orientation workshop designed for working learners. Call 1-866-4-ENROLL to learn more about our free three-week university orientation. This is your chance to experience life at University of Phoenix through a free workshop where you'll learn how to navigate our San Diego area classrooms along with our award-winning online learning platforms. It's never too late to head somewhere new with a degree from University of Phoenix. Call 1-866-4-ENROLL or visit phoenix.edu slash enroll to learn more about our free three-week university orientation. and get started along a new road to a brighter future. This free orientation workshop is available for students with less than 24 credits. There's new, and then there's new. As in original. As in the reset button has been pressed. As in the 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class, backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class with technology like Attention Assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy.
the E-Class continues to chart its own course. Ironically, one test drive reveals that all this new technology prompts an old reaction, amazement. Lease the E350 Sport Sedan, an IHS top safety pick, for just $599 a month for 33 months with $4,369 due at signing. Only at your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer. A new year, a new level of innovation for Mercedes-Benz. Available only to qualify customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through May 31, 2011. Equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Horn Motors of Crossbed, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, or visit SoCalMB.com. And the winner of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Weigh Off is Ethel Herbert! A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing! Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot sauce goes on anything. Its aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot sauce. I put that s*** on everything. Epic on three new coasters at Six Flags, including the 100-mile-an-hour backwards-blasting Superman Escape from Krypton.
And the 360-degree spinning coaster. Green Lantern First Flight. Coming soon. Last chance to buy a day. Get the year free with a thrill pass. Hurry. Offer ends June 5th. Go big. Go Six Flags. Magic moment. Cue a beach on a perfect summer's day. Cue a twin-sized lounge. Cue the twins. Cue the twins rubbing sunscreen on your shoulders. Cue the camera phone. Cue the updated profile picture. Cue the immediate 318 friend request from 318 guys. Cue the drink that brings it all together. Cue the Cuervo. Jose Cuervo. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Imported and bottled by Huebline Norwalk, Connecticut. Under license from the trademark owner. I'm your overly optimistic husband who assured you we had enough gas to make it home. Apparently, the power of positive thinking is far less valuable than the power of gasoline. Hope you have Good Hands Roadside assistance. Introducing Good Hands Roadside from Allstate, a different kind of roadside assistance. You'll never pay a dime unless you use it. And it's open to everyone, not just Allstate customers. Go to allstate.com slash roadside to register and get important information. Maybe you violate the laws of relish or have an unnatural love of nacho cheese or add marshmallows to your coffee. Yum. Hey, everyone has one. I'll see.
At a.m. p.m., secret. At a.m. p.m., you can doctor your food up just the way you like it. Crazy. And now you can go wild with our new chicken and potato snack bites, each only 99 cents. Dip them in chili or cheese sauce. Whatever. Try the new chicken and potato bites today. A.m. p.m., too much good stuff. At participating stores for a limited time while supplies last. See store for details. Oh, no, they didn't. Yes, they did. Denny's put bacon on ice cream. Covered it with maple syrup. A maple bacon sundae. Just one of seven new dishes during Baconaglia. Denny's celebration of bacon. Come in now or anytime. America's Diner is always open. Prices and participation may vary. This report is brought to you by Smart and Final. Celebrate Memorial Day at Smart and Final through May 31st. All Lay's family-sized chips are only $2.99 each, and fresh pork spare ribs are just $1.79 a pound at Smart and Final.
Heading on the freeways this morning, looks like the 79 at the 76, there's a grass fire right near Santa Isabel Casino. Also the 15 southbound before old 395 highway, an accident that's on the north end. That right lane's blocked and you do have a backup to Mission Road. This report also brought to you by Brandman University, part of the Chapman University system. It's a non-profit school focused on working adults. Visit brandman.edu to learn more. Brandman University, do better. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. If it isn't in high definition, I don't even want to see it. Lauren. So I'm cheap and I went to YouTube instead of iTunes just to be able to listen to it. Woods. Without my mom and my wife, I'm a kite without a string, my friend. Sienna. I wish cat's tails would go down and not up. And Jay. I would rather dance than play baseball. On FM 94.9. Think this guy's ever had VO? Ever got a knot in his hair? Picture him in that black tank top and that hat just walking around stage with that coffee-looking breath. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, just two days after the huge tornado hit Joplin, Missouri, the violent storms are continuing.
Eight people were killed last night and this morning early today with these storms. At least five people in Oklahoma, two in Kansas last night, and one person died in Arkansas after the tornado hit the town of Denning early today. Hopefully the number stays that low, but I have a feeling there's going to be more updates because these storms are just brutal this season. Also, a little bit of lighter note, Candyland, the board game, is going to become in a movie. Now, we know that Battleship is becoming a movie, and it's loosely based on the game, but the writers of Candyland are thinking way outside the box. They're talking Lord of the Rings type or Candyland. And I'm picturing Alice in Wonderland, Johnny Depp, that kind of scene. Spooky. But, yeah, it's based on the board game. It's going to have characters from it. It's going to be pretty cool, I think. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to us today by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Yeah, the San Diego Padres. They lost again. 3-2 in 11 innings. 8-20 at home this year. Dropped an 11-inning decision of the Cardinals in front of 19,426 spectators at Petco Park. And Aaron Horank pitched pretty well, but says, hey, listen.
Times are tough, but it's not time to blow this thing up yet. That's the way this game goes. You have your ups and downs, and you just try and keep the downs to a minimum. Keep the good play going a little more. I don't think it's panic time yet. Isn't it? You're 8 and 20 at home. It's kind of time to panic. It's just not going very well at Petco. And also, this was a crazy story. Kyle Busch, who's a NASCAR driver, a very good NASCAR driver, was clocked yesterday going 128 miles an hour in a 45-mile-an-hour zone, driving a yellow Lexus LFA, which I don't know what that is. Do you? Yeah, it's the new one. Is it that sharp? Yeah. Oh, dude. Well, I mean, I guess you give the guy a pass. Kind of a badass car, dude. 100 and what? 128 and a 45. Yeah, he said, I was test driving a new sports car. I got carried away. I went beyond the speed I should have. Yeah, but bro, you get carried away on Interstate 20 in the middle of Texas where there's no traffic or no... And the speed limit's already 75. Or don't you get to get carried away every weekend? Yeah. Racing cars? Yeah, this is another point. To him, 128.
It's nothing. Yeah. He's like, what? It's no big deal, man. I know. It's a 45. 45 on his own. He was in North Carolina, so he got a ticket. It's the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And it's Chris. It's Chris. It's Chris. It's Carl. Haven't said Popsicle yet. When you hear me say Popsicle, between 9 and 10, Caller 9 will get tickets to Rage Against the Machine, playing with L.A. Rising. Yes. and rise against at the LA Coliseum on July the 30th. Jay is our producer and he comes to the Mikey show sometimes with some very random ideas. Great ideas. He calls them great ideas. And sometimes he will give the idea and we will all just look at him. And then he will laugh and then our jaws will drop open. Some of us will have a smile. As our jaws are dropped, some of us named Mikey will be stunned, offended, terrified. Yesterday, he proposed the top things that you'll hear at Randy Macho Man Savage's funeral. And I said to Jay, I said, Jay, you know, perhaps it is, you know, too, too soon. And Jay said, no, it ain't.
And so now, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you. Not we. Don't put this on me. No, Jay presents to you. Now Jay presents. I thought, yeah. No, let's say you. Thank you. You're welcome. So here are the top things you'll hear at Macho Man Randy Savage's funeral. Some people think his death was fake, but it looked real to me. Look, it's The Undertaker standing next to The Undertaker. That's pretty good. I'll give you that one. He leaves behind a wife, two kids, and 18 pairs of oversized sunglasses. I haven't seen this much fringe and face paint in one room since Adam Lambert played San Francisco. Lost the meaning on that one. Yeah, it was rough. He was more muscular than Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. He was much more... Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. I can't breathe. Hulk Hogan.
He was more muscular than Hulk Hogan, but not quite as muscular as Brooke Hogan. Oh, sorry. That was a little premature. You know all about that. Today is a sad day for the yellow and red clown outfit industry. I hear they're going to drop the casket in the ground from the top rope. Maybe having everyone sit on folding chairs was a bad idea. Folding chairs. Folding. Folding chairs. Folding chairs. He omits the L sometimes. It's not necessary. It's a big player in Jay's vocab. Hit me! Hit me! Jay asked me if we were having a poll party for my birthday. And I said, what is that? And he said, you don't know what a poll party is? And I said, no. And he goes, poll party.
And Woods, I thought, was going to pee his pants. He was laughing so hard. And Woods goes, a pole party. I almost hate to do it to him off the air. I know it. It was off the air. I hate to do it to him off the air. Honestly, hey, listen. Sienna genuinely, genuinely was confused. Yesterday. When he said pole party because she looked at him and I go pole. No. He came in and said there were four bodies found by a pole. And I said, what? See, and it's breaking news. There were four bodies found by a pole. And I'm like, by a pole? Like a light pole? No, by a pole. A pole. P-U-L-L. Like a pole? Like a tractor pole? Yeah, that's how you spell it. You swim in it. P-U-L-L. I say pool. Do you?
Breaking news. Feds okay criminal charges against John Edwards? Oh, no. What? What? Oh, my gosh. Let me rewind. That's pretty big news. Let's see. Sources close to the investigation tell NBC News that the Justice Department has authorized prosecutors to proceed with criminal charges against former presidential candidate John Edwards. The case stems from his alleged use of campaign donations to cover up an extramarital affair. NBC's senior investigative correspondent Lisa Myers has details on this. Lisa, good morning to you. Good morning, Matt. These sources tell NBC News that the Justice Department has green-lighted criminal charges against Edwards for alleged violations of campaign finance laws related to more than a million dollars provided by wealthy supporters, money used to cover up his affair. Now, sources say an indictment is expected very soon unless Edwards agrees to a plea bargain.
Wow. John Edwards may soon face criminal charges, but last weekend, you'd never know it. Here on a baseball field in North Carolina, the former presidential candidate was being a good dad, watching his son Jack play ball. No visible sign of the big trouble ahead. Ironically, at the same field that day, 100 feet away, the government's key witness against Edwards, his former aide. Andrew Young. Young claims Edwards directed the cover-up of his affair with campaign videographer Riel Hunter, with whom Edwards now admits he has a daughter, three-year-old Frances Quinn. Young kept Hunter in hiding and provided 50 voice messages to prosecutors. Andrew, how's John? I had a wonderful conversation with Long and wonderful conversation with Buddy. I think we can completely count on her. I just wanted you to hear that. And once again, to tell you I love you. I really love you, Andrew. Rachel Bunny Mellon is the now 100-year-old heiress and ardent Edward supporter. Her decorator, Brian Huffman, says she sent him checks totaling about $700,000. Wow. One enclosed in a fancy box of chocolates. Checks he then forwarded to Andrew Young. Payments were being made to keep Real Hunter happy, and payments were being made to keep the story.
from ruining John Edwards' presidential campaign. Huffman and Mellon, through their attorney, say they were asked to help Edwards with a personal problem, but had no idea what it was. Riel Hunter was hidden away in lavish homes, flown around in a private jet. Much of that was paid for by Edwards' campaign finance chair, Fred Buren, who claimed just before he died that Edwards didn't know anything about it. I've never paid a dime of money. to any of the people that are involved. I've never asked anybody to pay a dime of money, never been told that any money's been paid. Nothing has been done at my request. Thank you. But now sources indicate the government can prove otherwise, arguing the money contributed by two wealthy donors was not a gift, but a form of political contribution used illegally. A source with knowledge of the case says this still could end up with a plea bargain. However, we're told that prosecutors are insisting that Edwards plead to a felony, which friends doubt he will do. We're told action is likely in the next couple of weeks. And Matt, the Edwards team had no comment. Oh, wow. Now, let me tell you. Now, if you don't know, John Edwards was as big a Democratic candidate for president as it gets. Time magazine sexied this dude up.
You know, I've always felt that the... No, it wasn't time. It was Newsweek, which I always felt a lean little left. And, you know, my brother thought that I was out of my mind. My very liberal brother, Mark, always said I was out of my mind. This picture of John Edwards on the cover of Newsweek was black and white. And he had the top button of his business suit undone. His tie, he was like kind of pulling his tie. And they had sort of a... air machine blowing so that the tie was sort of like and he just he looked great. The next week on the cover of Newsweek magazine was Mike Huckabee and it was this fat, sweaty close-up where you could see the inside of his pores. I mean, it was the most hideous photograph I'd ever seen. But anyway, John Edwards could not have been a sexier candidate and I don't just mean physically. But his whole philosophy, he was a young, vibrant candidate. Wiener time. Yeah. And his wife, his wife, when the scandal broke, it was so terrible because his wife had cancer. And, you know, was writing a book and all this stuff. And so, man, I'll tell you, I wasn't a John Edwards fan.
But I always say this. I feel terrible for people that can't get out of their way. Even though he brought it upon himself, it's still a human being going through immense pain that he brought on himself. But, oh, man, that is big news. That's just breaking news right now. Let's see. So tonight they're going to crown the American Idol. Yay! Can't wait. Your wife watching it? Dude, religiously. I don't watch it. Woods hates it. I hate it. You hate it philosophically. You think what? My philosophy on it? I think it's fabricated. I don't think that's how you do it, man. But don't you have some bit about Eddie Vedder? Yeah, would Eddie Vedder do it? No, the guy slagged it out in the garage on tour in a bus in a little van for years. What a hero. Yeah, what a hero.
Thanks, Jay. These are two 16-year-olds. 16 and 17. And tonight they picked the winner. Yes, it's between Lauren Alaina, who's a 16-year-old, and Scotty McCreary. They're both country singers. They're the youngest finalists ever to be on American Idol. And they're both, I mean, absolutely amazing. I have zero idea who will win, and I don't care because I love them both. Take the Mickey Mouse Club for a 16-year-old. Oh, stop. Hey, I don't know any songs, Sienna, so I'm going to read them to you and you tell me which one to play, all right? Okay. Lauren sings flat on the floor. Scotty sings gone. Scotty sings check yes or no. Lauren sings maybe it was Memphis. Well, the judges liked Scotty's version of gone. So let's hear it. Who sings that? Montgomery Gentry. Sounds like a company that would make feed.
Baby, we got to go down to Montgomery Gentry, get some feed for the horse. Absolutely. If you're going to be downtown, get some feed for Montgomery Gentry. That's a 16-year-old? Yes. And he started off with this deep voice and like he's skinny, kind of dorky kid. He has blossomed into this like... I'm not dorky at all. Yeah, I'm not dorky at all. He's like sexy now. I don't know what happened. Damn right. It's true. I was like, man. I'm super sexy. Yeah. Cantaloupe size. This ain't no breaking up and waking up and making up. One more time. 16 year old. This is gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Let's just throw his pen up in the air. He's so disgusted by it. I just got my driver's license last week. I'm going to try to get into a bar. Lauren, Elena, the judge's favorite was maybe it was Memphis. Here we go. Her vocal cords earlier that day, too. Working at you through a misty moonlight. Katie did sing like a symphony. Pork swing swaying like a Tennessee. Sounds like they need to replace that vocal cord. Uh-oh.
What was I supposed to do? My wife said she voted for that broad 25 times. She's going to win. 25 times. Love her. 25 times. I go, doesn't that cost money? She goes, no, it's free. That's $85 a call. I know, right? Before the show started, a doctor came out and they had to make the dramatic announcement that she had blown out one of her vocal cords. And the doctor comes out like in his scrubs and Ryan Seacrest goes to her and says, are you nervous? How are you doing? Stop it. Don't say that. That happened. And but this is how many his scrubs. But listen to Lauren's response. Like a lot of them would be like, yeah, you know, I was really scared. She said, I'm here. I'm ready to sing. I'm fine. Don't worry about it. And so it is just like you said. Hey, doctor, it's me, the other guy. Other guy tonight is the other country guy. This is a really good night for you. Well, yeah.
I heard she blew out her vocal cord. She did. She blew out her vocal cord. She did? She's not going to be able to perform tonight. Good, because I want to win. I'm about to walk out on stage right now and tell America that she's not going to be able to perform tonight. Well, you know, my clock's ticking, so I got about 14, 58 minutes of my 15 minutes, because ain't nobody going to remember me in about a year and a half. I have some bad news for you. What? You're 16 years old. I am the American Idol physician. I performed a physical on you yesterday. Yeah? You're missing a testicle. Oh, I know. You did know that? Oh, yeah, I knew that. I was born that way. I'm like Gaga. You're like Gaga? Yeah, I was born that way. Oh, yeah. I thought maybe this was a problem or something. Ain't no problem. Still works. I think. No way of really knowing. Not really. Sorry, I'm getting choked up. Are you out? Hey, don't fix her up or whatever in the cords because I need to win. I need this win. I need a W.
I can't believe you knew about that. Oh, yeah, I knew about it. You don't think I'd go feeling around on there? All right. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I mean, I am 16. I understand. It's only normal. Yeah, farther than I needed it. It's natural. Farther than I needed it. It's just a natural thing. Okay, thank you. The incorporator next. So we need people to call us with words right now for Woods to incorporate into the call. 570-1949. The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. We know you want ultimate performance and ultimate fuel efficiency. So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Now you can lease a new 2011 535i sedan with the ultimate MPG, 30 highway miles per gallon for just...
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On everything. Hi, folks. Shell experts here. Hi, folks. Shell experts here. My colleague is speaking double to share some great news from Shell and Ralph's. When you fuel up at Shell, take your receipt to Ralph's and get double rewards points when using your Ralph's rewards card. And double rewards points means faster earnings. Yep. Let me repeat that for emphasis. No, no, no, no. We got it. Okay. Your Shell fuel receipt earns you double rewards points at Ralph's. Well, all right, then. Well, all right, then. Fuel earnings are limited to up to 35 gallons per purchase. Offer valid through August 31, 2011 at participating Shell stations. See stores for details or go to www.ralfs.com. Why do we say that Fords are built for San Diego? Fuel efficiency. We now offer three models that get over 40 miles per gallon. The hot-selling Fiesta, the all-new Focus, and the clean, green Fusion Hybrid. We also sell Ranger and Escape Hybrid, the most fuel-efficient pickup and the most fuel-efficient SUV in all of California. For those of us who like to get our hands dirty, the choice is F-150. Equip yours with our efficient new EcoBoost engine. Or take the hard-working 3.7 liter V6 and get class-leading MPG. If you're ready to get the most out of every drop, it's time to drive a fuel-efficient Ford from your San Diego County Ford dealer. Learn more at sandiegocountyford.com.
EPA estimated 40 mpg highway for 2011 Fiesta SE with SFE. 40 mpg for 2012 Focus SE with SFE. 41 city mpg for 2011 Fusion Hybrid. Ranger claim based on 2.3 liter manual two-wheel drive. Excludes vehicles built for Mazda. F-150 claim refers to standard 3.7 liter V6. Actual mileage will vary. Keep your home's exterior looking cleaner, longer for less. Olympic exterior paint with exclusive dirt guard technology repels dirt, stains, and high prices. Another reason to insist on Olympic. Learn more at InsistOnOlympic.com. for a divorce, but before you head to an attorney, think about calling a fairway mediation. First, it costs considerably less. Second, it works with both of you, not paid lawyers, to figure out what's best. Call 619-702-9174 or online at afairway.com. This report is brought to you by Brandman University. Brandman University, part of the Chapman University system. It's a non-profit school focused on working adults. Visit brandman.edu to learn more. Brandman University, do better. Heading on the freeways this morning, looks like a little bit of a backup. Still in Escondido on the 15 southbound. This is right before Felicita Road. It's an accident over on the right shoulder. A couple cars involved. Five northbound ramp to the eight westbound. That connecting roadway is blocked due to a conked out car. And the 79 at 76, a grass fire. It's right near that Santa Isabel Casino. This report, it's also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners, San Diego Toyota dealerships. They've got a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States.
United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate family. See your dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bird from Bird Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Wednesday morning already. This week is flying by. Brought to you by Joe Roper's Righteous Surf Report Repairs. Today in Department of Colleges, guys, we've got a little bit smaller, small combination out there. Still some waves to be had. West-Northwester and some Southwest lingering on, running in that needle-weight chest-high zone on average. Maybe a few shoulder-highways with that rare plus possible at those standout spots. Most open to the small combination. Beach breaks looking fairly fun. Broken up, some little corners to be had there. A little closed out, but you can definitely find some open faces, especially on those larger setways and at the structured areas. Reef breaks looking kind of weak, as you would expect, with the dropping swell.
And we do have that tide situation. No negative tides anymore, but still dropping off to an awful low tide at around 11 o'clock. So that will have an effect on size and shape. Expect some improvement later in the morning if the winds don't pick up after that tide bottoms out and starts to come back on up again. So again, another day of small but rideable surf. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for your surfboard restoration and repair needs, you go see Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily. Right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. With Mikey. I'm extraordinarily weird. Lauren. I want the awesomeness of the iPhone that you've been talking about. I don't want some dumbed down version of it. Woods. I have one wish. I wish I wasn't so fast. Sienna. Yeah, I would say I'm obsessed with Sage. Yeah, I'm obsessed. You are. And Jay. I love to look, but I just don't like that. On FM 94.9. Nervous Woods? A little bit. It's been a while. It's been a while since you've done the Incorporated. It's been a minute. Word of the day is Popsicle. I haven't said it yet. When I do say it, call the number 9-570-194-9. We'll win a pair of tickets to see Rage Against the Machine, L.A. Rising. Yes! X's are a good band. Yeah, that's good. They're real good. Okay. So we're going to be doing... Well, let's do it. Let's just do the Incorporated right now. Do I need to do it? Yeah, you got to go. All right.
We've had M1s call us and give us words, and I'm going to give you those words right now. Okay, so before Woods was on the air here with us, he used to work at a company, and the guys would all sit around, they'd get bored, and they would make these sales calls, and they would do this to entertain themselves, and Woods was sort of the best at it. He had that rare combination of ability and humor. And so what he does is we're going to call a place. We're calling Perfect Pet, which is an out-of-town pet store. And Woods has to incorporate the following words that have been given to us by listeners. M1 Sanjaya said, Tango. M1 Hungry Hippo said, Fluffy.
M1 Jungle said Cannonball. M1 Jason said Lawnmower. M1 Elena said Eucalyptus. M1 Franklin said Busty. M1 Andrew said Pioneer. So when he calls the pet store, he's got to incorporate those words in. I will be feeding him the words and he will be using them. And he will be the only one that can hear me. The guy on the phone or the girl on the phone, whoever answers the phone will not. know what the words are. And so they won't be able to hear me giving the words. All right, Woods can come in. All right, buddy. First word. Are you ready for your first word? What is the first word? Tango. I always give Woods the first word. First word's tango. Tango. All right. Tim, how may I help you? How do, Tim? My name's Jay. I was wondering if you could help me. Sure, Jay. What do you have going on? Well, listen, I was doing the little... Tango with my wife last night, if you know what I mean. And after we was done, she was talking about maybe getting a new dog for my boy Jasper. So I'm thinking about a dog. I want one that's kind of slim and not too fluffy, like a short-haired. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we have short-haired dogs. I got a dog right now. His name's Bear. And what he'll do is he'll run through the yard.
And he'll jump right in the pool like he's doing a dang cannonball. So I need something more for my lap. Like a lap dog. If you got something like that, I'd love to see it. We have a huge selection of lap dogs, actually. If you want to stop on in, I could definitely... Well, I will. The way I like to do things, though, is I like to call 7... to 1,200 places and get a couple of different hundred thousand prices because I ain't just going to go in willy-nilly and, you know, like when I bought my lawnmower. It took me damn near two years to pick a lawnmower because, you know, hey, I'm cheap. Eucalyptus. Wow, that's a lot of selection. Well, you know, I'm thrifty. My wife calls me thrifty. You know, I like to save money, all right? I ain't going to go out and, you know, just buy the first thing that comes to mind. She wanted a dang eucalyptus tree in the yard. And I said, baby, I ain't putting a eucalyptus tree in our yard. I'm not, you know, I ain't a dang hippie. Busty. Busty. Well, I mean, I can come in, but do y'all have like a, I'd like to do, you know, I'd like to look around. I'd like to peruse a little bit. Sure.
Definitely take a look at some of the things that y'all have. Now, listen, I'll bring my wife in, but I don't want you getting all hot and bothered because she's a busty woman, my wife Kim. All right? So you keep your eyes to yourself. I can definitely. You know, it's all professional. We're here to help you with your pet. Well, absolutely. Now, listen, I'm kind of the pioneer of lovemaking. When I walk in there with Kim, you're going to sense. What you're going to do is you're going to sense that I've made love recently. All right? So I want you to know that when I walk in the door. Don't get all weird. All right? Okay. All right. I'll be in this afternoon. All right, pal. Feast. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Oh, I hate you. It's so weird. When I come in, you're going to sense that I've made love. Yeah. Weird. That was a stretch, but it worked. Keep your eyes on your own paper over there. You are so weird. I'm not weird. Jay's weird. Oh, my God. When I come in. You're going to know I've been making a laugh. It's me. Oh, my gosh. I'm a little rusty. You did good. Did I? You did good. You did great. A little rusty. Ever harden yourself?
Dancing with the stars last night. Guess who won? Ralph Macchio. I'm trying to get my energy up. I have this cold. Do a jumping jack. Yes. Five. Don't look at me because I'm fat and I'll jiggle. One, two, three, four, five. To the face. It's going to help. Any better? I'm really worn out. Yeah, now you're tired. It's the most exercise he's done in three years. Do you know that I do an hour with Wendy? Wendy's? The restaurant? Oh.
It's a king, Jay. You're a burger prince. I work out an hour with Wendy, and two days ago did 30 minutes, called it a day. It's a true story. Let me tell you a true story. She actually said to me, what? Honestly. Honestly. That's a true story. Honestly. Now, to my defense, to my defense, I was not feeling good. I was the beginning of this, what's happening now. All right? It's at its zenith. Easy, Panasonic. Right now, my head cold is at its zenith. But two days ago, it was starting to come on. She made me work and she was making me work out for an hour. 30 minutes into it, I said, listen, let's just stop.
You've got to crawl before you walk, pal. You just got back into it. Thank you, Woods. You've got to crawl before you walk. Baby steps, man. Tiny, little baby steps. You're looking short to you, Mac. A fat baby trying to walk. Imagine like a big old hippo that had a baby. But he's just out of the womb, so he couldn't stand it. He's a fat hippo trying to walk, Mac. All wobbly on his fat little legs. Hungry hippo. Always hungry. Bet you it was your favorite game when you were a little fat kid. Your favorite fat game, Freddy? I bet you rode over there to Booger Prince and you had Jack in the backseat along with Alberto. Oh, okay, so yeah, I was going to tell you. Last night, Heinz Ward won Dancing with the Stars. Kirstie and Max.
Heinz and Kim, after 10 weeks of hard-fought competition, the winners a new champion. Hard-fought competition? Does anybody really talk like that? The champions of Dancing with the Stars are... Heinz and Kim! It's not fair. He's an athlete. Of course he can dance. I know. Of course he can dance. Freaking Super Bowl winning wide receiver. He's athletic and stuff. Kirstie Alley made it to the finale, though, too, and I just want you to know that she lost 38 inches. On her body. 38 inches? Yeah, 38 inches. That's my pant size. Yeah, the designers were saying every week they would have to alter in. Maybe you should get on dancing with a star. Dance like a star, Mike. With a fat inch. You haven't been a 38 since second grade. 38. Holy cow. Fit my entire family of five in them. One leg is 38.
You ordered the number 38 at Wendy's. We're going camping this weekend. Can we borrow your pants? We're going to take a hot air balloon over there. Can we borrow your pants? I'm going sailing. Can I have your shirt? Ashland wants to put something over that volcano that's exploding. Got an extra azad. Tommy Bahama. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Let's see. I hate how those jokes make L.O.B. just tickle her. Constantly laughing. In an extra way. In an extra way. Extra. We're all done laughing. We're done laughing. It's a gift that keeps on giving. This text says...
Going to a ball game with my daughter's ex. She is furious. Furious is in all caps. Discuss. There's nothing to discuss. She broke up with him. You didn't. Exactly. Nothing to discuss. They were here. Loyalty? Yeah. Loyalty to your daughter? How is that unloyal? You're hanging with the enemy. Easy, Julia Roberts. He's the enemy. He's the enemy? Yeah. They're not together anymore. What are you? Delete the number, pal. What are you doing? L of B, is he the enemy? If she thinks he's the enemy, he's the enemy. He's the enemy. Sienna? I would never tell. I mean, now that I'm married, Todd could hang out with my dad. There's no way I could stop that. And you wouldn't mind? I wouldn't mind, no, because they have a good relationship. Git. Oh, please. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are we children? Are we little kids? Yeah. Wait a minute. We are. Hang on. First of all, I don't live with mommy and daddy. Right.
Okay, and so if mommy or daddy hangs out with an ex of mine, what do I care? It's not like I see them together. Really? Like, mom, I don't like that you're hanging out with her because she comes over to the house. I don't live there. I don't live there. Have some loyalty to your blood. Oh, grow up. Grow up. Grow up. Grow up. Can't be. Jay, my daughter is dating one of my friends. What? Wait. He's an employee. Hold on. What? Nick, who used to work for me, now dates my daughter, Maddie. How old is Nick? He's like... 49? No, he's 70. He just turned 30. He just turned 30? Mm-hmm. And what if he broke her heart? Would you still hang out with him? It's... None of my business. Yeah, it's none of my business. I mean, I would feel sorry for her, and I would definitely sympathize with her. That's a whole topic of in and of itself. But...
I'm not going to stop hanging out with him. You were his manager. I was his manager. And he's dating your daughter. Yeah. He met her whenever, like, she would come with us on trips and stuff. And she was always like, even Kim was always like, oh, Nick is so cute. So Kim's a creep like you're a creep. Well, everybody meets this kid. Everybody meets this kid. This kid's a sharp kid. He's a sharp guy. I met him. Yeah, he met him. Nick is so cute. Sharp kid. And as she got older, she was dating somebody at the time when she, you know, turned. 21, 22, she's like, I'm going to kind of hang out around him where he was. And she circled the wagons and trapped him. Who says that thing? Well, yeah, I said it when I, because I was there when they forged airheads. She swung the lasso and caught it. Yeah, so if they broke up. Yeah, we were friends before. We'll be friends after. You know, it's like, that's just the way it is. What if he cheats on her? Well. Oh, skin him. Yeah, I think if he's an idiot, then yeah, definitely I'm coming after him and I'll break some legs. So he would kill you. Do you think that is a loyalty issue? Yeah, I do. I do. I just think, you know, don't you have enough friends? You need to go pal around with my ex? I mean. What if they got to be, you know, they got to be close? Sucks. It's a consequence. No. It's not your consequence. You didn't cause it. They broke up. No, but it's your daughter, man. Yeah, but they broke up, not you. You're not going to stop your friendship. Oh, we're not dating.
570-1949-M1Nation. Talk about, are we children? We're not together. We're not BFF. We met because of her. Once she's out of the picture, we're done. L-O-B? If it's hurting her, then you're deliberately going out of your way to hurt your daughter. For how many, you know, you have plenty of friends. Now, that I'll agree with. If your daughter comes to you and she says, hey, listen, this is really hurting me, well, then you're just a jerk. Right. Then you're just a jerk. You guys ride the bus together? You got to hang out? I mean, we're not children. You met because of the relationship they were in? Right. So that relationship's over. See you later. Great. I mean, that's what you should be saying to him, daughter, but that doesn't have anything to do with me. How does that have to do with me? So if they have kids together, let's say they're taking a step further. They have kids together. Different, right? Yeah. Yeah. So then you can hang out with them? Were they married? He's the father of your grandkids? Could be. Okay. Yeah, different. Father of your grandkids. These people are on your side, Woods. M1 Lolo from Marietta is on the line. Are you there, Lolo? Yeah, this is M1 Lolo. You agree with Woods? I do. Well, I think it's kind of circumstantial. With Sienna, she has a child with her husband, so it's kind of like he can't go away. But with our family, there wasn't a child involved, and we loved him. We loved him dearly.
It was weird for my sister. And as much as we all wanted to hang out with them and as bad as we felt that they broke up, we just couldn't do it to my sister. It was weird for her. And he tried to hang out with all of us individually and kept trying. And we all had to individually turn him down and say, hey, you know, this is for our sister. She doesn't want us to hang out with you. And eventually he just kind of. He fizzles away. He'll forget you all. Yeah. It's kind of selfish. Kind of selfish of the sister, you know? It's not our friends. You're going to take away a friendship from someone because you didn't work out? Think it's thieves, eh? Bloodsicker than water, pal. It seems not really like a friendship, though. If it's a guy and your dad, I think they may have had a special relationship. And I can only say that based on the boyfriends that I've had with my dad and how seeing my husband now with my dad. And it's like maybe a parent they wish they had had. They have someone that gives them good guidance. I mean, I don't know. I think boyfriends come and go and husbands, it's a little bit different. They're a little bit... They're longer. Thank you, Lolo.
Appreciate that. M1, Sean from Escondido. How's it going? Good. My mom was working with a girl that I started dating. And we were dating for about six months. And then she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend and got pregnant. And she worked at a church. And my mom shunned her. And my mom's a well-respected woman there. And everyone kind of heard what happened. And eventually she didn't work there anymore. I don't have a problem with that. I'm all about shunning someone. Oh, absolutely. In that case, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, in that case, it sounds... Bad person. Yeah. Shun me once, you know. Shun on me. Shun me twice. Shun yourself. Shun Connery. Yeah, shun it. Shun me, shun you. Shun you, buddy. Shun you. I shunned you. I shunned you. Sometimes network television can go too far.
Maybe it happened last night. Maybe my nose is running like a six-year-old. We'll be right back. Now's our chance. Let's do it. More from the Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. M94.9. Sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Get this straight. Sunday, June 5th. I can't hear you. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low Volt. You can't buy tickets.
but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Up Friday night, Transfer will play the Casbah. That's this coming Friday the 27th. And Cage the Elephant and Manchester Orchestra play Soma next week. They'll be there June 1st. June 5th is the sold-out FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Matt and Kim and the Thermals are at House of Blues June 16th. July 26th, the Perfect Circle plays the open-air theater. And there's two shows July 30th. Slightly Stupid here in town at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheater. Or if you go to the L.A. Coliseum for L.A. Rising, you can see Rage Against the Machine, Muse, Rise Against, and a bunch of bands. Big Sonic Chill presents Sia at House of Blues, August 11th. Death Cab for Cuties at the Rimac, August 16th. 311 and Sublime with Rome play Cricket Wireless, August 19th. You can see Kings of Leon there on September 4th. And September 13th, Ray LaMontagne will play Copley Symphony Hall. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. The FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar can be heard four times daily. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar.
At FM949SD.com. When he finishes his morning cup of coffee, he flies home from Columbia. Objects in his side view mirror appear exactly as they are. He believes the pen is mightier than the sword, especially his patented gun pen. Hardware stores were his idea. His bird baths have been known to attract bald eagles. It doesn't matter if they're running a sale or not. He's getting up to 50% off select mattresses. If you were to say, oh, no, he didn't, chances are, oh, yes, he did. He is the most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my friends. Hey, listen, I got to tell you this. My friend Brian...
He's the big guy over at BMW Encinitas. He's the general manager down there. You guys have heard me talk about how much I love BMW Encinitas, but BMWs in general. I get Beamer Magazine and I get all these car magazines. I love the BMW product. And this Memorial Weekend, BMW Encinitas really wants to help you out and wants. They're going to bring back the $199 a month special. It's a 2011 BMW 328 sedan. It's the pre-owned service loaners. And you can lease it for $199 a month. That's a four-door sedan from Bavarian Motor Works. Bavarian Motor Works, okay? BMW with the round L. Blue and white, all right? The first 50 people that come in there Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, because it's Memorial Day, you're going to get a free lunch at Vigalucci's. You know this weekend's Memorial Weekend. Think about it this way. This is the weekend that you get a BMW. BMW Encinitas. They're doing something special this Saturday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. You go by the dealership, and you can meet.
Folks from the Encinitas Sheriff's Department, they're going to be out there offering free classes on child safety. Then on Sunday from noon to one, Encinitas Fire Department's out there. I want to take Ryan because he loves fire trucks out at BMW Encinitas. And they got 1.9% financing on certain models right now. Their service department's out to be number one. BMW Encinitas, really, truly my favorite. Go see BMW Encinitas. We may not be able to lower the cost of gas, but we can do something about how many miles you will drive per gallon. Stop by your local O'Reilly Cregan Auto Parts store today and let us help you increase the performance of your car or truck. Simple things like replacing your air filter, changing worn-out spark plugs, and using fuel injector cleaner can add up to better fuel economy and big savings. There's an O'Reilly Cregan Auto Parts store close to you that has the name brands, low prices, and people who can help. Restore your vehicle's lost power by cleaning your entire fuel system with Chevron's Tecron fuel system.
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Free AutoCircle participation. Products may have cost, availability, and membership eligibility restrictions. Some products provided by third parties. Insurance provided by United Services Automobile Association and its insurance affiliates. Insurance not a bank deposit, issued, guaranteed, or underwritten, or FDIC, or government insured. Loans by USAA Federal Savings Bank, member FDIC, San Antonio, Texas. Dear Lunch Thief, I hope you enjoyed my turkey sandwich. I don't blame you for taking it. After all, it was made from boar's head oven gold turkey. You may be a thief, but clearly you have standards. Tomorrow, I'll be putting another oven gold turkey sandwich in the fridge. I know it's hard to resist. Perhaps your mother never gave you good turkey as a child. I feel for you. But if you ever touch my slow-roasted boar's head oven gold again, I swear I will hunt you down and teach you a whole new meaning to lunch break. Have a great day. A great sandwich needs protecting. Boar's head oven gold turkey.
Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. Papa's in the house. The 29-county-wide Papa John's have an unbelievable pizza deal for you. On Mondays and Tuesdays, get any large one-topping Papa John's pizza for just $7. Believe it, for just $7 on Mondays and Tuesdays, you'll get your favorite large one-topping Papa John's pizza for just $7. Order one for you or a bunch for the gang. There's no limit. Honest. But this exclusive Papa John's offer is only for a limited time. Don't miss out. Ingredients, better pizza. That's Papa John's. Carry out or delivery only. Not available online. Limited delivery area. Tax and delivery charges may apply. Hi, I'm Almond. I'm a fresh and easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money, we pass on to you. Oh, I love the store. Most of the prices, they're very competitive. I always know it's going to be good quality, too. This food is prepared with love. And, you know, tastes how I am, but it's an affordable price. Everybody can afford it. I get everything from here. Thank you, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Almond. Now we can offer a summertime favorite, Fresh and Easy Apple Pie, made with no artificial colors or flavors. Enjoy for just $3.99 each. Circus Circus Las Vegas has fun for all agents. You'll be amazed by the world-class circus acts and the Adventure Dome theme park that features 25 rides and attractions. You can get your game on with over 200 carnival and arcade games. Save 40% off lowest rates and kids eat free.
You'll also receive great resort extras like two well drinks, two premium rides, two midway games, and so much more. Visit circuscircus.com for more information. Best girlfriend ever. I swung the fridge door open and saw the most horrific sight. Not a single cold beverage. Not a single Coors Light. I grabbed my keys. It was time to hit the store. But stopped when I heard a knock at the door. It was my girlfriend bearing gifts of Coors Light. Best girlfriend ever? You got that right. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Cause Band, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, or visit SoCalMB.com. Miller Lite is proud to once again be presenting FM 94.9 Independence Jam. This report is brought to you by Del Taco. Del Taco's got new big fat crispy chicken tacos, crispy chicken, fresh tomatoes, crisp lettuce, chipotle sauce, or bacon with ranch sauce and warm flatbread. Chicken tastes better in a taco, and it's only at Del Taco.
Heading on the freeways, well, it looks like we've got a problem here on the 15 southbound. Before Camino del Norte, that center lane's blocked by a big chunk of concrete. Traffic stays slow anyway to Mercy Road. Also, the 5 southbound at the 805, an accident. A car hit a wooden bench. Two left lanes are blocked, but it doesn't look like any delays or anything. On the 5 southbound, after Claremont Drive, we've got a woman that's hitchhiking. She's over on the right shoulder. Don't slow down. Just keep going. There isn't any slowing, actually. Nobody's giving a ride. This is pretty slow farther south from Pacific Highway. to Fifth Avenue. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, San Diego Toyota dealerships. They've got a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate family. See your dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't have a best friend. I don't trust you. I have trust issues. Lauren. Am I what? Like feminine and girly. Not really. I guess I can when I want to be. Woods. Nobody is more passionate about donuts than me. Sienna. I'm a ring person. I love gems. And Jay. If you need that person, I'm there to do it for you. On FM 94.9. What's going on in the news? Well, the city declared a water emergency two years ago, and now that the drought is over, yesterday San Diego City Council voted to ease restrictions on water use. Some water wasters that you could still be ticketed for are...
washing your cars without an automatic shut-off nozzle, failing to fix a leak, using a hose to wash down driveways, and using decorative fountains that do not recirculate water. Also, the Obama administration is trying to reduce U.S. dependence on foreign oil, so they're going to be boosting the use of electric vehicles. The General Services Administration is buying 116 plug-in electric vehicles. which is just a small fraction of the vehicles that they have. But the purchases are expected to cut gas usage by almost 29,000 gallons a year, and it's going to save taxpayers about $116,000. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, LeBron James led all scores with 35 points last night. He shut down Derrick Rose of the Bulls, and the Heat are one game away from the NBA Finals, and the Dallas Mavericks are also one game away from the NBA Finals.
Could be a Heat Mavs finals again. That was a few years back. Also, Tiger Woods has been battling knee and Achilles problems since the Masters in April. He is gearing up to play very soon in the U.S. Open. And here he is talking about what he's been going through. I've been in a boot for my Achilles. I've been on crutches to take some pressure off the knee and my back. Because obviously in a boot, you start limping. Back gets a little sore. So that's what I've been doing for the past week. It's been good. Sounds like it. Woods? Yes, sir. M1 Monica from Poway is on the line to throw us under the bus, and I do not know what. Are you there, Monica? I am. What are you... Hello, gentlemen. Oh, boy. Hello. Hi. What were you guys doing at the drive-thru McDonald's and Encinitas the other day? Oh, wow. That's... What were you doing there, Mr. Workout? Us, dude. Huh? Wow. No, it was you, too. It wasn't us. Maybe it was somebody different. It wasn't us. No, I met you guys at OSI, and correct me if I'm wrong, tan suburban Texas. All right, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yep.
We had a meeting there. Look at Jay's face. Look at L.O.B.'s face. Look at Sienna's face. We had a meeting. We had a meeting. We didn't even eat. We were picking up for somebody else. For homeless guys. Too sick to work out. Pretty sure I saw some grabbing of the French fries. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're a monster. You're a monster. How dare you? Pretty sure I saw your Yankee hat. How dare you? How dare you? Oh, wow. Wow. All right. That's okay. Just admit it. Just admit it. There was somebody that needed some food and Mike and I thought we will take it upon ourselves to just take care of business for that person. And we didn't realize that TMZ was there with a telephoto lens. And I don't want to say who it's for because it would just embarrass that person. Right. I'm sure. Exactly. But we did. We were able to get the food to that person. We were able to get the food there. And they were so happy. They were so happy. They ate it so good. They were so... They looked like they were happy. They looked happy. Fat and happy. And they've been eating it in their canned Suburban. Yep. Thank you. Bye. Thank you, Monica. Happy as a pagan filth. Hey, Mikey. What? I'm going to need Wendy's phone number. Well, you're not going to have it. Well...
As your friend, I feel obligated to call. I mean, you're cheating on your workout, so I, as a friend, I am obligated to call her and tell her. Hey, you tell her or I do. How dare you. It's Mikey's bit. I only got a regular hamburger, and it's meat. It's protein. Only? And small fries. Small. Medium. I got medium fries. I got a number one Big Mac meal with large. Large. Large. Yeah. You guys need help. Call Jay. Still lost 10 pounds Woods or tipping the scale back the other way? Celebrating. Yeah. For three weeks? Celebrating. It's been a week. It's been a week. Joined a new gym. My third. I think the gym's a problem. Listen to me. We just want our privacy back. Can we get away with anything? Stupid. Really? I feel like a ghoul. I feel like a crackhead. You should. I'm not a monster. My wife doesn't even know. Neither does mine. A couple of creeps in a tan suburban. I feel like a crackhead.
pedophile is what I feel like right now. Like we're driving through there and he goes, Woods goes, do you want to go inside? And I go, no! Requires walking. Why are the phone lines lighting up? Stop calling. You guys are a couple of hamburglers. Whose idea? Yes sir, may we take your order? Sir, please breathe. I need you to calm down. How dare you? How dare you? Give me food. Yes, sir, I want to give you food, but first I need you to calm down. Tacos and burritos. Sir, this is McDonald's. We don't have tacos and burritos. Look, do I need to call a medic? Yes, sir, I'm going to get a medic on the phone right away.
Oh, boy. Oh, God. You think Jay's ever on an 18-mile bike ride thinks about this and just giggles? Oh, absolutely. 18-mile bike ride. I wonder what Fat 1 and Fat 2 are doing right now. I don't know, but I'm going to pull over and eat a tiger bar. Tiger's milk. Tweedle D and Tweedle Fat. Tweedle Fat and Tweedle Fatter. Hey, Mike, you ever see Dumb and Dumber? Yours in the woods can be fat and fatter. That's right. You guys just Hamburglers and Mayor McCheese? M1 Harold from San Marcos. Yeah, I just wanted to say, I don't think it's cool that people are throwing you under the bus. Thank you, Harold. Thank you, Harold. I would never, ever tell anybody when you told me to come over the other day. Harold? I'm going to pick you up a double-double. I did! It was not a double-double! It was not a double-double! It was not a double-double! Wasn't it? It was a regular. Your wife, I can see her face. It wasn't a double-double. Wait, wait, wait, wait. A cotton-picking minute. Lauren, don't look at me. Harold was coming over to do some work and you had him stop to get you a burger? A double-double. I didn't. It wasn't.
A double-double. Harold, what was it? Double-double. It was the nuts. Harold, you promise? He has a text message to prove it. He has the text. Read it. Read it. It was not a double-double. It's on the phone I'm talking to you on, man. It was not a double-double. I'll send it to you, Woods. I'll forward it. Do you swear on your arm wrestling career, Harold, that it was a double? He's going to lose his arm wrestling career, isn't he? Because I asked for... I asked for it. I have it. He's going to text me. I'll read it to you. I'll read it. I'll read it from my phone. Careful, there's burger grease on your phone. Oh, boy. Can't we just live a lot? Harold, hang up and forward that to me right now. All right, I'm going to do it. Thanks. Goodbye. I say we dress Mikey up as a hamburger and send him out. So not only was he coming to your house to fix something for you, but he also brought you food? Was it your birthday and Cinco de Mayo? Yeah. HBD, pal. Really? Let's see what he said. I'm kind of off the hook now. Yeah. Not exactly. No, man. I just was hungry. It's funny because he's fat. Really? Seriously? Super duper fly hole.
I can't find it. Oh, I'll get it. I can't find it. Shortly, my friend. Let's see if it's popped through yet. You're sweet, Mike. Listen, I was hungry. It's weird. Stop at Subway. Tastes good. He's the one that offered that place. What place? In and out. So it was a double. I don't get double doubles. I've never had a double-double. That's so fattening. What do I look like, a pig? You want me to answer that? You're into the truth, Mikey. Here we go. Here we go. I'll take a number two with light onion, no tomato, and an Arnold Palmer.
Easy AP. TB and AP. She's got a Shirley Temple next time. Gosh. Darn it. That's a feminine sounding order. Yeah. Can you make sure my onions are caramelized? Light onion. I'll take a light onion. No tomato. And an Arnold Palmer. Oh my gosh. Please make sure there's sesame on the buns. Oh my gosh. I said that. Nice beaver. Oh, boy. Let's play buzzword. Why not? Why not? 5-7-0. 1-94-9. You're going to pick me, Sienna, Woods, or the winner of the game today. The every week winner. So good. L.O.B. will win today. No doubt about it. I guarantee a victory. I've been jinxed. 100%. I guarantee.
L-O-B's victory. She will not choke. It's not in her constitution. She will be so fast with the answer. It will astound you. Prove you right. 570-1949. The way we play buzzword, Jay gives us a word. Wood screams in the mic. Wood screams in the mic. Wood wins. Sienna keeps score. Sienna keeps score. Woods now wears disguises to go to fast food restaurants. Oh, my gosh. With that lady. Is it a fat guy suit that you wear? Oh, my God. I'm going to have to wear a fake mustache. I'm going to have to ride a bike up there. I'm going to go through with a Woody Allen nose and glasses. Don't go. A wig. Yeah. My goodness. Do you want to go today? Yes. Oh, my God. I don't feel good, and I think that when you're sick. Yeah, always a good reason to eat. Only when I'm sick. Only when I'm not feeling. Or tired. What's the word, dude? It's Tuesday. M1, Rick from Escondido. Who do you want? You got it. Hang on the line. M1, Splice from Bay Park. Who would you like?
Take Lauren. Oh, yeah. She's going to win today. Yeah, Lauren. She's the winner. That's right. M1 Travis from Lakeside. Uh-oh. Travis. Yes. Who do you want? Mikey. Okay. Turn your radio down, pal. All right. All right. Thank you. Come on now. Know the rules. M1 Ricky from Mira Mesa. Are you there? I'm here. Who would you like? Vienna. You got it. Love him. Thank you. Love him. What's the word? Today's prize is a pay-per-view of the UFC 130 on Cox & Dance TV. Give us a word, Jay. Why are you stalling? What are you doing? Today's word is Johnny. Johnny. J-O-H-N-N-Y. Johnny. More like a name than a word. It's Johnny. Long time tonight's show host. Here's Johnny. Johnny Carson. Lauren. Dang it. Okay, here we go.
And Edward Scissorhands. Oh, it was a three-way tie. Me, Woods, and Sienna. We're all tied with one. In the right place at the right time. Johnny on the spot! Yes, that's right and funny at the same time. I thought that was the name of a port-a-potty. It is. Chuck Berry told him to go for good. Darn it! Woods. 50s-style hamburger change. Johnny Cash! Johnny Rockets! There you go. Dang it. Johnny Cash. I don't know. It was in my head. It's coming next, probably. That's... Oh. All work and no play. Johnny Cash! Johnny a doll boy! Johnny a doll boy! Mikey got it. Did he? Yeah, he did. I thought it was makes Jack a doll boy. Which has three. Mikey and Sienna have two. Lauren has one. I just got lightheaded. I just farted. You farted? Mistake. Whoa! Kidding. Kidding. Okay. He walks the line. Johnny Cash!
Oh, it's all the way around. Everybody gets one. Once! Just because you were louder doesn't mean you won. Yeah, it doesn't. He shows up last minute. Johnny Come Lately! There you go. Sorry, I couldn't hear that. Johnny Come Lately! I gave it the right way. Sixties Heavenly Love Song. Johnny Angel! There you go. What does five? How do you know that? Mike, Lauren, and Sienna have three. Okay. Al Pacino. Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle Pfeiffer. Movie. Johnny Dangerously. Johnny Darko. Johnny Darko. Angry Johnny. Okay, you can all get. Yeah. It's Frankie and Johnny. Frankie and Johnny. New word. New word. What is it?
Johnny Darko. Johnny Darko. Here we go. What the word? The word is knock. Knock. K-N-O-C-K. Knock. Impress you to the point where your toes make your feet. Knock your socks off. Knock your socks off. Knock your socks off. Darn it. Oh, what's the score? What's the score? Every time I don't say the score, she asks for it. Mike, Lauren, and Sienna have three. Woods has six. So these next two are three-pointers. Knock is the word. Knock is the word. University of Life. Hack. School of Art. Woods. Oh. That's a three-pointer kid. That is BS. I'll give you one more just for fun. Who's there? Knock. Joke. Sienna. Sienna. Woods. Yeah. You won. Woods. I know. I got six. Mike and Lauren got three. Did he? Dang it. It's hot. This is good. Hot. M1 Rick. And modest. M1 Rick from Escondido. Heck yeah, that's awesome. Thanks, boys. Peace, pal. Get. Hang in the line. Your brain works a half a second quicker. I know. It's not fair. It's not fair. Filled with useless knowledge, brother. All right. Here's the deal. What is that? The Nixons? You sure that's not a Pearl Jam tribute band? Sounds like black. I love it.
You don't know this song? Yeah, I do. A couple of cool things coming up. One of them has to do with Pop Warner. The other one has to do with mangling digits. I'll explain. This is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Whether you're biking, hiking, camping, or traveling up the coast this Memorial Day weekend, all the action begins at your local Jeep dealer during the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. As we honor our country, you can celebrate our 70th anniversary with exceptional offers on our 2011 Jeep lineup, like the high-tech and luxurious Jeep Grand Cherokee and genetically engineered-for-greatness Jeep Compass. Plus, take advantage of the limited-time offers on the EPA-estimated 29 highway mile-per-gallon Jeep Patriot and the unstoppable Jeep Wrangler. So before you head out, stop by the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. It's where the action starts.
Now lease the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x4 for $369 a month for 39 months with $24.99 due at least signing for well-qualified lessees. Tax, title, and license extra. EPA estimates based on a 4x2 model. Call 1-888-925-CHEAP for lease details. Opera requires a dealer contribution and lease through outline. Take delivery by 531. Jeep is a registered trademark of Chrysler Group, LLC. At University of Phoenix, we've never been afraid to do things differently. We were one of America's first accredited universities to offer online degree programs. We were also one of the first to reach out to working learners. And now we're doing it all over again by offering you a three-week orientation workshop completely free of charge. Call 1-866-4ENROLL to experience university orientation, where you'll learn how to navigate our San Diego area classrooms and how to use our award-winning online learning platforms. You'll also get a chance to work with our enrollment advisors, who can help you find the right degree to match your unique skills and interests.
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I would get drunk and steal random stuff. Woods. Oh, I want filth. I want straight filth, as filthy as it can get. Sienna. Mine are always crying. I'm a crier. And Jay. I have a pond. I built a pond in my yard. On FM 94.9. You guys hear about what Matt Lauer did to coup d'etat Meredith Vieira? Got her fired? No. She's leaving the Today Show, and so he did this skit. He was going on, like, the Tonight Show. She was on Leno. She was on Leno. And so he pre-recorded this skit to, like, have a little fun. Like, poke a little fun. It's not acceptable to call me a nigga. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not acceptable. Oh, wow. Sorry. Now I got to explain that because it was so crazy. Oh, my God. I know. That was a PSA last night on Glee. Yes.
Now I gotta explain that. That was on television last night. Fine, I'll play that. Now I have to play that. Start with the Glee thing now. Now I have to because I accidentally hit that. That was on TV last night. It was a public service announcement on Glee. That's why I said, did they go too far on network television? It's not acceptable to call me a nigger. It's not acceptable to call me a speck. To call me a chink. To call me a fag. It's not acceptable to call me a kink. This was real. I mean, they're doing it because they're trying to teach people like these are words that hurt people. It is not acceptable to call me a retard or call yourself or your friends retarded when they do something foolish. The R word is the same as every minority slur. Treat it that way and don't use it. Poor wisdom, if you ask me. I think it's poor wisdom. To say all that stuff? Yeah, because, you know, I think you give bullets to guns, you know? Wow. I think you're putting bullets in guns when you do it. I think it's educational. Yeah. Like we don't know that? A lot of people don't know that the R word is not appropriate. I mean, okay. People still use it all the time. I know. Like important people still use it all the time. Well, listen, my son is autistic, okay? And I hear people say,
retard and I go, I think I can figure out like what's in somebody's heart, you know? And, um, I don't know. That's my feeling on it. You know, Lauren feels real different about it. And Lauren said like it, and it's not right. I mean, it isn't, I guess I, we shouldn't say it cause it could. And the reason we shouldn't is because it could hurt somebody's feelings. I'm not, I don't, I just, I'm not, um, it takes a lot to offend me, I think. But, uh, you know, like I don't want God to be attacked and You know, I don't want my family to be attacked. If it was personal, you know, personal attacks. But Jay's bit, too, sometimes is they're just words. Absolutely. I believe they're just words. But then you just said that it's educational. The thing is, people are putting so much emphasis on these words that, you know, I think these words, when you're using them in a negative. A mean way. An attack, a personal attack. Yeah, but people aren't saying to a retarded person.
You retard. Are they? No, usually what they're saying is, oh, look at you. You're acting like a retard. Or they'll say it about themselves. I was being a retard. They do all of the above. Yeah, but what they're saying is you're acting like this person that has no choice. This person that has some disabilities. Yeah, I don't think that any of those words should be used because they all have the potential to hurt someone. Sure. And for that reason, I don't think they should be used because I think they hurt people. But that kind of a PSA to me, public service announcement, I just don't know that that helps. And the reason I say it that way is because it has the potential to be made fun of in and of itself. I also think to myself, I don't really see a guy watching that. And going... Absolutely he does. I didn't know. Absolutely he does. And now I won't. You're exposing ignorance is what you're doing. No, I know, but ignorant people... Don't watch Glee. No. Ignorant people, I don't think that that PSA changes ignorant people. Young people. Say no to drugs, I don't think did much for drug addicts. Young people. If you're somebody and you're mom and dad, that's the way they talk.
which is kind of the way I grew up. That was language in our house in Texas. I didn't know any better. I mean, I kind of had a feeling it was wrong, but if something came on TV and it was like, oh, those words are bad, I'd be like, mom, dad, you know, what are we, what's going on? So I think if, if young kids are watching the show, which I think they are. Maybe it starts conversations. It starts conversations. And if that, you know, that happens and mom and dad have to start, you know, maybe thinking about what they're saying. Maybe. Okay. It would be pretty convicting to a 40 year old dad. If their nine-year-old said, Dad, you say retard. Yeah, I get you. The dad would be like, oh. Got me. And he would probably go, you know what? You're right, and I shouldn't. No, okay, you got me. Jay, I'm on board. There we go. I thought it was, when I first heard it, I was like, ugh. But it's like a, you know, you hear a PSA like that, it's like a punch in the face. Get your attention. Yeah, it got your attention. Yeah. And it's, there's some.
It's not something that you ever want to do. I know I've done it 100,000 times. I try not to. When I grew up, it was faggy. You're a fag. All the time we said that. Everybody said it. I used to say it at Rock 105 all the time on the air. It was just a thing. I didn't mean that you were a gay man. No, I didn't either. It was one of those words. Same thing with gay. Hey, you're gay. Yeah, quit being gay. And then this girl called one time and she was like, hey, you know, you're really putting a division when you do that. Like you're not helping anybody by doing that. And it really made me think about it. And I was like, you know what? You're right. I'm not going to do it anymore. Well, I saw an email the other day that somebody said homosexual is no longer a proper word. It's now it's you live a gay lifestyle. We literally, literally got the memo. Literally. You know how people go, oh, didn't get the memo. Guess I missed that memo. Guess I missed that memo. We literally got the memo. We sure did. From the gay community saying homosexual is not okay. It's offensive. Yeah. Not only is it not okay, it's offensive. Well, I'm not going to stop saying homosexual because of that memo.
I'm not. I think that that's ridiculous. But it's derogatory. It isn't derogatory. It isn't derogatory. If they say it is, then it is. Listen, I can say that Hispanic is derogatory because I'm a Mexican, and it's not going to stop the fact I'm Hispanic. Is that derogatory? Homosexual is like saying heterosexual, and it's an actual definition. Right. So I'm not going to stop. I don't know. I'm not going to stop using the word. But nobody ever did this. Nobody ever went. easy homosexual nobody really did that right homo would be used as a derogatory term yeah it was and if they had said if it had said homo i'd have been like okay i get that there was you know it was funny not funny but it was interesting to read this thing and i looked at it and said you know you can say you can't say gay lifestyle right you can say gay lives you can't say gay lifestyle can't say gay lifestyle it's offensive and i'm looking at it going wow, splitting hairs real good because lifestyle is a derivative of lifestyle. Even gay guys are like, I didn't know this. I'm finding out for myself. Exactly. I didn't even know. There's literally a gay guy getting this thing in his inbox going, I had no idea. Get lost. I didn't even know. Well, once you come out, you get the textbook. Oh, hold on. Page one. No, truly. I mean, I looked at this memo and I was blown away. You know, we don't want to offend anybody ever.
To hear that homosexual was offensive, I was very surprised. Here's the deal. Homosexuality, racism, all that stuff, it's all bad when there is actual malice in your heart. Right, right. You know, if there's malice in your heart. And I also say this, you know, in the same context. Like, I don't want to say something that's going to hurt anybody. That's why I stopped saying gay. I didn't want to hurt somebody. So I decided I'm not going to say gay anymore. It's a safety hazard. Because I didn't want to say something if the potential to hurt somebody would be there. It was just not necessary. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. I feel the same way. Yeah, so I said, you know what? I can take that out of the curriculum. Yeah, you're pumping it up. So I did, you know.
And blow and blow. Let's see. On line one, we have M1 Scott from San Diego. Yeah, hey guys. I just wanted to say, I understand your point about maybe it being off-color, maybe it not being the right choice, but I would say the very fact that we have four people on the radio talking about this PSA means that it did exactly what it wanted to. Yeah, but I'll say this, M1 Scott. We're talking about it in a mature way. I guarantee you that there are morning shows. all across the country that are playing that this morning and laughing and making jokes. When the retarded person starts to talk, I guarantee you there are people that are making jokes. He's not retarded. So those people that are making jokes would be making jokes anyway. But the fact that you're talking about it maturely, you know, maybe you're going to change the minds of some people that are listening to you. Yeah. Well, Jay changed my mind. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you just used the word. What? That's not the word you use to describe her. She's not retarded. Mentally challenged. Mentally challenged. Are you kidding me? No. Wait a minute. Retarded is not a clinical evaluation? No. No, not anymore. It's not. What? No. It's not. Thank you for the call. I got an autistic kid. I got an artistic kid. Yeah, he's artistic. I have an autistic kid. I didn't even know that. Retarded is not, they don't say. Nope. Why? Because that word was.
It's bad. We'll look up what that word means. It means slow. It means like a slowing process. To retard something means slow. Like what Jay's done with his aging. He's retarded his aging. So if a child is born with mental retardation, they are no longer born with mental retardation. What are they born with now? Mentally challenged. No way! Wait a minute. You mean your child would be born and the doctor would go... The child is mentally challenged. They would tell you the diagnosis of what they are. Right. And isn't the diagnosis? No. Mental retardation? That girl speaking has Down syndrome. Yes. She doesn't have... Wait, wait, wait, wait. But there's a difference, isn't there, between Down syndrome and... Can you imagine a doctor saying, congratulations, your kid's retarded? No. But I would say that a doctor would go, hey, we need to let you know your child has mental retardation. No. Nope. Now they say your child is mentally challenged? Special needs, probably. The last 30 years. Your child has special needs? Probably your child has special needs. We've done the test. She has Down syndrome. Probably be the more likely scenario. No idea. I had no idea.
I mean, I seriously thought it was a clinical evaluation, a clinical term. PSA will help you. Yeah, see? Look what I learned today. The PSA, I thought, though, was about using it as a derogatory term. Just using it, period. Just using it, period. Didn't know. Midget. You can't say midget anymore. Little person. Yes. Which I think is a little more offensive. If I was a little person, I'd be like, don't call me a little person. I'm just a person. 570-1949. Little person will go away. It's got to, doesn't it? Guaranteed. It will go away. It will become person. Vertically challenged. No. It will become person. A person that is a little person will say, I don't want to be known as a little person. I don't want to be tagged with anything. I'm just like you. I'm just shorter. I'm just a person. Just like you. That's right. Now you're going to get slayed for that, you know. That was Jay. No, it wasn't. This is Jay. Jay, you're so funny. Jay, you're hysterical when you make fun of midgets. M1 Danielle from Santee. Little people. Hi, Danielle. So what is the proper terminology? Mentally disabled. Yeah. Man, I had no idea. I feel bad. I didn't even know. Learning. I got a kid with special needs. I'm going to hide behind that. Put that up as a big old shield and be like, hey, my kid's autistic. You can't get mad at me. I have a cousin that's a little person, so I'm good. Hey, so I'm married to somebody that has an uncle.
Got that. I like black guys. Yeah, so you can say whatever. Thank you, Danielle. Have a good day. Developmentally disabled. Better write it down. However, some people don't like the word disabled. You really can't please everybody. No, it's going to happen. Just call them people. Okay, so here is what Matt Lauer did to coup d'etat Meredith Vieira. Matt is sort of famous as being a prankster. Has he done anything to you? He's done many things to me. He's done many sick things to me. He'll call up and say, you have Madeline Albright on in a minute to talk about some obscure country. I'll go, my God. And I'm so nervous preparing. Then he'll come in and go, ha, ha, ha. He's lying, constantly doing that stuff. Have you ever gotten back at him?
No, because he, you know, if you're devious and you're warped, you can anticipate. And he's warped enough that he can anticipate that I can never quite pull something off of him. But I'm planning something for the last day. You know, he felt bad he couldn't be here tonight. But he sent a tape. Oh, no. Jay, you've known me for a long time. You know I'm a creature of habit, but so is Meredith Vieira. Here's what happens. Every morning I finish my homework about 6.15. I leave my dressing room and I walk over here to Meredith's dressing room to go over the show and knock on the door. And then normally she's in there in the red bathrobe and the clogs. It's bizarre. And sometimes I'll open the door and the room seems empty. And I'll say, Meredith, Meredith. And then from the bathroom, I hear her say, can you come back later? I'm changing. And then I hear the toilet paper. And then the door opens and she comes scurrying out in the red bathrobe and the clocks. Meredith. Changing? Really? So they play that back on the Today Show today, and they want Meredith's, like, reaction to it. Oh, my God. They sent me a script and asked me to do that. How juvenile. See, I'm not like you, Matt. Matt, I don't wear Depends, so I have to use it.
I don't get it. I mean, I get it, but it's not very... It's not funny. You know? This is unraveling at a fast pace, Meredith. Anyway, we're just... She's like, I'm not like you, Matt. I haven't had multiple affairs. I wasn't addicted to cocaine like yourself back in the day. I wasn't addicted to cocaine from March of 08 to September of 08. I'm not balding. Hair challenge. It's like how Woods and Jay talk to each other. Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm not like you, Matt. I didn't have an affair with Nikki from promotions. I'm not like you, Matt. I didn't catch my co-worker having an affair with several people from the office. I'm not like you, Matt. I didn't photocopy myself. I'm not photocopied my bottom. I'm not sticking my hand in the company cookie jar. That I'm not like you. I don't steal petty cash. Wow. Wow. Wow. No, there it is. So, ladies and gentlemen, I didn't get to the mangled digit thing. I want to do that. So, my buddy, Brandon, he worked with this guy. This was in San Francisco. They were rebuilding SFO Airport. They were remodeling and adding on to it.
They've got to put in these giant pillars when they make a parking garage. Those big round cement cylinders that hold up the building. You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah. They're giant. They're round. I mean, imagine something the size of... Mikey. Man, that one got me off. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Wait, wait, wait. So here is this manhole sized cement round. And it's about six feet tall. And that's where it cuts off. So it looks almost like a tree if you were to saw a tree in half. So here's this guy. And he has a ladder. And he's next to this big giant cement round cylinder deal. And up in the ceiling is what they call a plug.
round cylinder. Only imagine if you were to go up into an attic and you push the attic ceiling part up and move it to the side. Can you imagine what I'm saying? Does that make sense? Well, that's what this guy had. Only the block was 100 pounds. And so he maneuvered it out and he had to lay it down on top of the block down below. But when he did, it's 100 pounds. So when he did, He lost it just for a second. And in the process of trying to grab it, it smacked down onto the cement block below and completely, completely removed his finger. Brandon said his friend thought he'd cut his face because the blood from the finger, you see.
Went with each heartbeat. It was a hard story to hear. But delightful at the same time. And so that's why I'm now going to invite M1 Nation to call us in top... Please don't. Top digits. Makes my grundle hurt so bad. It's a sharp pain in my grundle. And it kills me. 570-1949. If you know of a story that has to do with fingers that can top... Oh, my God. It's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. It's sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Get this train. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater.
Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodile. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low Bolt. You can't buy tickets. But we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubbies and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. When he finishes his morning cup of coffee, he flies home from Columbia. Objects in his side view mirror appear exactly as they are. He believes the pen is mightier than the sword. Especially his patented gun pen. Hardware stores were his idea. His bird baths have been known to attract bald eagles. It doesn't matter if they're running a sale or not. He's getting up to 50% off select mattresses. If you were to say, oh no he didn't, chances are, oh yes he did. He is the most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do...
I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my friend. Your local O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts store always has great deals on accessories and routine maintenance needs like motor oil and wiper blades. But did you know that O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts is also fully stocked with a complete line of high-quality replacement parts to fit your vehicle? If your car won't start, your brakes are squealing, or you need to replace your belts and hoses, stop by O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. We've expanded our inventory and now carry a full range of replacement parts like batteries, brake pads, and rotors, starters, alternators, radiators, shocks, and more, all at guaranteed low prices. With the exact parts that fit your vehicle and customer service you can trust, O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts has everything you need to get back on the road fast. Protect your hard-earned investment. Stop by your nearest O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts store today. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. If a car drove by recently, they made you point and say, How cool, what is that?
Chances are you spotted the all-new Ford Fiesta, quite possibly the perfect car for San Diego. Yeah, it's a pretty big deal. Sure, Fiesta's a compact car, but you don't have to compromise a thing. You'll get up to 40 miles per gallon on the highway. Hey, there are 21 hybrids that don't get that kind of MPG. Seriously. The interior looks like the cockpit of a Learjet, and it's quiet. Spooky quiet. If you dig technology, you'll dig this car. Fiesta's available with hands-free sync. Say a command, and it'll dial your phone or play your favorite tunes. You're going to want to show this car off to your friends. And feel free to brag about what you paid. Fiesta starts at just $13,320. So stop pointing, wondering, and wishing. What is that? Just come into any San Diego County Ford dealer and drive one. Learn more at sandiegocountyford.com. EPA estimated 29 MPG city, 40 highway, 33 combined. Hybrid claim based on automatic SFE versus 2010 and 2011 hybrids. MSRP excludes tax, title, destination, and registration fees. Optional equipment not included. See dealer for details. So I'm at the Verizon store because Father's Day is here, my son is graduating, and they're both big into technology. So I asked the sales guy, got anything for techies? And he's like, tons. Maybe the Android-powered Samsung Galaxy Tab or the Motorola Zoom. It's Verizon's first 4G LTE upgradable tablet.
So I say, hmm. But in my head I'm thinking. Then I say, okay, but aren't those super expensive? And he says, nope, we've got tablets starting at $199.99. And now my brain's going. Dads and grads deserve gifts that run on the largest high-speed wireless network in America. Get a wide selection of tablets at great prices from the people who know them best. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon, built so you can rule the air. New two-year activation and mobile broadband plan required. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. At Boy's Head, we work hard to make our oven-gold turkey the best it can be. It's pure turkey breast, slow-roasted the old-fashioned way. But there's a downside to such excellence. Boar's Head Oven Gold is a magnet for lunch thieves. You open up the office fridge and find your oven gold turkey sandwich has been stolen, pilfered, pinched. So what can you do? Well, you could get a cheap turkey sandwich from a sandwich chain, something made from ground-up parts, preservatives, and fillers like seaweed extract. Nobody's going to steal that. Or you could stand by your oven gold turkey and take defensive measures.
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on everything. USAA is proud to be the official military appreciation partner of the San Diego Padres. Find out when USAA and the Padres are honoring the military this season. Stop by the local USAA Financial Center in Oceanside or go to usaa.com slash Padres. Grubby's is proud to be a sponsor for this year's Independence Jam Coastal Invasion. While you're at the concert, make sure to stop by the Grubby's booth and experience the best burgers in North County. This report brought to you by News 8. It's a search for a sniper on the season finale of Criminal Minds. Suspect behavior tonight at 10 on CBS 8, followed by News 8 at 11. 15 southbound before Valley Parkway, an accident on the left shoulder. It's a van and an SUV that got into it. Bag of landscaping materials causing delays on the 163 southbound right after Kearney Villa Road. And on the 15 southbound before the 56, an accident over on the right shoulder. You're backed up to Carmel Mountain Road. Three-car crash there. This report also brought to you by Jersey Mike Subs. Come to Jersey Mike Subs for a great meal. Help them support Susan G. Komen for the cure. Now when you download Jersey Mike's new online ordering app, you can win a gift card. Restrictions apply. Visit jerseymikes.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
Signature fragrance. Lauren. When I was in my performing troupe of Two Mermaids, me and my sister, we once performed at a farmer's market. Woods. Pink is the new wine. Sienna. It makes me really sad when someone honks me. Like for the whole jam. And Jay. I'm not afraid of rats. I had a pet rat. On FM 94.9. I can't take this anymore. And I'm almost pretty sure. I've been here before. We got some calls online for some mangled digits. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, after nearly three years, finally yesterday was the murder trial of Casey Anthony. And there was quite a twist. Prosecution. We were wondering, talking about it yesterday, wondering, you know. How are they going to defend what Casey Anthony did? Casey Anthony is the 25-year-old girl in Florida who murdered, apparently, her two-year-old. Right. Well, now they're saying that she was not killed by chloroform or whatever substance was used and put in the trunk. They think that she drowned at the family's pool and that the grandfather was actually the first one there to see her.
And then when it comes to the question, well, why did it take a month for you to report that the daughter was missing? Casey Anthony's attorney is saying, well, Casey's been doing what she's been doing all her life, hiding her pain because she was taught at an early age to behave as if nothing was wrong when her father allegedly sexually abused her. Now, her father has said, denied all those allegations, but... You know, they're back in trial today and this is just, I mean, they threw a huge twist in the case accusing the grandparents of being at fault. I want to watch the case. Yeah, it's on. So we don't know who's going to be on trial today or who's going to take the stand. But yesterday was the grandfather. And he pled not guilty to all of that stuff and said it's ridiculous. Also, forget what you've always been told on how to cook pork. You've always said. Do you ever cook pork? Yeah, you have to cook it like well done. Longer than you cook any other meat. Well, the USDA said yesterday that it's now safe to cook pork to 145 degrees instead of the recommended 160 degrees that they've always said. So that means it could be... Pink in the middle. And it's fine. And it's fine. Yeah, the one thing that they advised is... Good news for you, Mike. Didn't you get that across your fax machine this morning? You don't have to wait as long. You can eat it off the grill. Yeah. Mike.
You don't have to put it on a plate anymore. You can keep it in the pan. You're fine. I'm still cooking it all the way through. No pink in my pork. They advised one other thing, and they said just to let the pork rest for about three minutes after you remove it from the heat because in that time, the temperature is going to continue to rise slightly, which will kill any of the remaining bacteria. Or you can do what Mike does and just eat it raw in the field. Right off the hog. Off the bone. Right off the hog. They can't even get to the trough sometimes. Michael can get them before they get there for the feeding. Yeah, sometimes they're just a little baby piglet. No, just got a nibble on your ear. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, the Padres are in a tailspin. They have lost five in a row and just not looking good. They're one and six on this current homestand. And they lost again last night in 11 innings, three to two to the Cardinals. No good right now. Got to get that ship righted. And this is one that Jay sent me. He's been on a big... Randy Macho Man Savage kick. Well, this is what they're going to do with Randy Macho Man Savage's ashes. Is this jokes? No, no. It's not jokes. It's real. He's going to be cremated. His ashes will be spread around his favorite tree. It's the same spot where he spread the ashes of his beloved dog, Hercules, a few years ago. And his quote is, if it's good enough for Herc, it's good enough for me. Sad. I know. It's very sweet. That's a good sports story.
I wanted to deliver it with such seriousness, and I couldn't. Like, I got to the end of the sentence. Are you saying that wrestling's not a sport? Let me try it again, because I want to enjoy the good work of it. Try it again, ED. A good sports story. Hey, let me read the end of it. If it's good enough for Herc, it's good enough for me. That's touching. That is really good. You do your own sports from now on. You do all your own sports, pal. You think I'm kidding. I'm not doing it tomorrow. I'm not doing it. You do it. He's laughing now. Wait till tomorrow when he goes to me for sports and be like, I don't do sports. You do it like normal. Oh, wow. That hurt. Did you hear that? Gosh darn dang, that hurt. Did Jay get you? Yeah. What did you say? What did you do?
I didn't do anything. I go, tomorrow when you go for me to sports, I'm not doing anything. Be like normal. Oh, my gosh. He brings a samurai sword to a toothpick fight. All right. We're talking about mangled digits. How have you heard of anybody? Do you know of anybody that messed up there? What about their toes? Or their toes. That works. M1 Monkey Man from San Diego. Hey, how we doing this morning, guys? Good, bro. I got actually a mangled finger story from high school. All right. One of my very good friends named George was jumping the chain-link fence at the end of the baseball field, heading home one day after school, and apparently got his ring finger on his right hand caught on the top of the fence, and it pulled it clean off. The worst part is he didn't even know for about five minutes that he had lost his finger.
Because of, like, shock? I would guess because of shock, but he actually ended up coming back to the fence, finding his finger hanging on the fence, and taking it to the doctor, and unfortunately it was too long in between. They could not reattach it. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I wonder if his wife's mad he doesn't wear his wedding ring anymore. She's female, right? Yeah. So probably. Babe, I don't have a finger. We know a guy. Rebecca and I know a guy that doesn't wear his wedding ring. Same reason. But he has the finger. But he jumped to be a clown one day at school. Jumped on top of the tetherball court. Jumped on top of the tetherball. Real tall guy. Tetherball pole. Ring. Caught on there. And he hung. Mikey, dude, I can't do this anymore. He hung by his finger. Oh, God. Hung by his finger. It hurts my girl. It hurts me. M1Chad from Claremont. Hey, guys. First of all, I love the show. Jay, you're the man. Of course I am. Thank you. Of course I am. Yeah, I ran over an old lady last night. Ain't no big deal. Yeah. I'm perfect. Y'all isn't. Yeah. Y'all ain't. Y'all ain't. Yeah, I'm the Geezer Bandit. Get over it. They ain't even going to put me in jail. Let me go. Yeah, they're going to think it's funny. I got my way out of it. I think I'm hilarious. Go ahead, Chad.
Well, I am originally from Florida. Maybe that's why I like them. There you go. It's over 20 years ago. I was at a friend's house. We just got back in from skiing, and the boat ramp was broken. The father was fixing the boat ramp, and his finger got caught in the belt between the wheel and the belt and completely sliced off clean. Fell onto the dock. He ran inside Neely with his daughter, came back out with a bucket of ice, and we put those. finger into the bucket of ice and brought it to the hospital. Oh, wow. That was the first time I've seen anything like that. It was pretty disgusting. LOB just showed us her arm, and she literally got goosebumps. It's chicken skin, dude. She's got chicken skin right now from that story. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Please. Thank you. Move on. Can we talk about Oprah or something? I got one more for you before I get on the next one. It makes me so nauseous. I know. This one's going to get you. So remember I told you my friend Brandon told us that story? Uh-huh. So he's telling me, and it was me and our buddy Sean sitting in the front seat, and he was driving, all right? Sean goes, oh, yeah. He goes, I got one. It's his brother-in-law, and they were out enjoying a day of, you know, skiing, water skiing. Water skiing. And it was the end of the day. They'd had a couple of pops, came back.
And he was putting the boat onto the back of the truck. And his ring finger was underneath the bottom. And he dropped a quarter ton boat hitch onto a giant ball bearing toe ball. They told him, you have to stop screaming. You're hurting my ear. They skewed me out. I just want more. I almost cursed 15 times. I thought we were done. M1 Bisquick from Santee. What do you got? A few years ago, on a Friday afternoon, I went to this job site and I actually dropped a four-ton steel plate on my foot. What happened was it was about chest high up in elevation, I guess, and it ripped from this rigging that I had on it and it came down and it bounced off my knee. And after it bounced off my knee, it hit my foot and the steel toe in my boot.
Pretty much severed it right off. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Your whole foot. No, no, just the big toe. Just the big toe. But I lucked out because I guess there's a little tiny piece of flesh keeping it attached. So it was able to. L.O.P. almost lost it. She almost jumped. She almost threw up. That makes my mouth look. Keep the blood supply up to the tip. Gotta keep that blood supply in the tip. It's happened to me, too. Hey, I'll send you a picture. I broke the steel plate. Same thing happened to me, but when it fell on the telewagger, it broke the steel in half. That's right. I had to apologize to the steel plate. I was like, hey, steel plate.
Sorry, you're mad. Don't mess with this. Don't mess with it. Holy cow. Thank you. Mike, these hurt me in such a way. That one made me faint. That one, it looked like L.O.B. was going to faint and throw up. It hurts me. M1, Gabrielle, last call from Chula Vista. This is Gabrielle. Gabriel or Gabrielle? Gabrielle. Gabriel. Got it. Go ahead. My story comes from Chula Vista. This girl that my sister went to high school with, she was on the varsity volleyball team, and all the girls during practice, they're not supposed to wear rings, but they like to jump up and touch this clock that has a steel cage in front of it so that balls don't break it. Oh, God. Oh, God. And it tore it right off. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Come on, dude. It tore her finger, her actual finger. It took it off.
Oh, gosh. It feels like somebody is shoving a steel pole into my grundle right now is what it feels like. And it just won't stop. Oh, gosh. That got me. I'm puckered up. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Like, she disappeared for like a couple of weeks and nobody knew what happened. And then she was very shy about her finger. She'd hide it. But there's a picture of her on the volleyball team. In the middle of a game, like, going up to hit a ball, and you can see your finger clearly missing. Oh, wow. Just to add insult to injury. Oh, wow. That is literally adding insult to the injury. High four. High four. It's a high four. Imagine if she worked at Subway and had to talk about the $5 footlong. It would be difficult because it would be a $4. So I get that for $4, right? No, sir. I played volleyball my senior year and ripped my finger off on the cage holding the clock. You're holding your hand up, and you're saying it's $5, but there's only four fingers. I am, sir. I get the four-finger discount. No. The deal, sir, is that I've lost a finger. That's weird. It isn't that you get a $4. Could you get somebody else back there to make my sandwich? Because I'm going to vomit. No, sir. No, I cannot get someone else to make your sandwich.
Those gloves, there's an extra piece. It's dangling, and I don't like it. It's really creeping me out that you're wearing it. If you'd like, I'll tie that finger into a knot. Can you shove something in it? No. Can you cut a half a hot dog and attach that so it looks like you have a finger? Because I'm freaking grossed out. No. I cannot, quote, shove a hot dog. in there. Well, I'm going to go to Burger King because I'm going to throw up my mouth. Perhaps that would be better. Perhaps it would. For both of us. Maybe you work the register. Oh. You can leave now, sir. Okay. Thank you. See you later. For your support. You bet. Four secrets to getting people to do what you want. Is that right? Yes. Do I have a list? You do. Let's see here. I do not have a list. I'm coming in there. No, I have it. I have it. You can't find it because of your fat fingers in the way. That's right. Why don't you try not using hot dogs for fingers? Chop the finger off, lose 20 pounds. He's just vicious. It's just an assassin. You know what it is? We return him to home and it's as if he's been in an abusive home and now he's turned into an aggressive animal. That's exactly right. They can't find him a home because...
Because he has been an aggressive home. He's been everywhere. Yeah, and so now Cesar Millan is like, I can't do anything with him. But you're the greatest. I am the dog whisperer, but I cannot do anything with Ye because... I've seen you tame, like frothing at the mouth pit bulls. Oh, no, you don't understand. I've taken a ferret and turned him into a regular animal, but I cannot do anything with him. I once trained a jackal. Okay? From Africa. They gave me a jackal. A jackal. And I once tamed a jackal. I can do nothing with yay. Oh, man. People will continue to say on Facebook, why are you so mean to Jay? Yeah. Really? I wanted that all the time. Wonder boy. Yeah. Golden child. Little golden boy over there. I can't wait until he screws up. Somebody's going to get him. Not going to happen. All right. Jay came up with a list. Weird. He found this list of four secrets of how to talk people into doing whatever you want. Chloroform. Yeah. Mack. Rohypnol. All right, Rufus, consider it. Yep. Blackmail. Yeah. It will be, just calls it mail. Mail. Number one, speak moderately fast. Talking at about three and a half words a second is a key. Try that, Jay.
I can't do it. Good attempt. Nice try. Maggie, I'd like the day off tomorrow. Shirt shake, shirt shake. Maggie, I can't make it to the meeting today. I wish we had a clip of earlier. What was it? The nipple thing. Is that what it was? When he was talking and Jay goes... No, when he ran to the mic. When he ran to the mic. Overhand decompression. That's what it was. The very first break. Number two, control your pitch. Doesn't matter if you're animated or lively or straightforward or monotone, but don't go back and forth between excited and boring. Control your pitch. This is how to talk to people into doing whatever you want. Am I controlling my pitch? No, it said boring. And I said, like this list. I want Jay to read it. Give it to Jay. Have Jay read three and four. It's his idea. Your idea, Jay. Here we go, buddy. The old man that does reading. I'll be out here if you need me. If it was your list, I wouldn't have said that. But it was his. He's been getting me all day. All right. Three and four.
Use a deep voice. For men, a deep voice was an asset. Interviews with a deeper voice had more success with men than higher pitch voices. I could see that. For sure. Leading men with a deep voice. The best leading men always have a deep voice. Yeah. Pause naturally. When you're speaking normally, you pause for about four or five times a minute. Oh, deep pause. I was pausing. Perfect. You have to know when to pause. Normal people, when they talk. These letters are small. You can't read it. It's too small font. Oh, there it is. Jay's holding the piece of paper out. Arm's length. Read at a rapid pace. 5701949. That was riveting. Thanks, Jay. Good find. Good, great find. Yesterday, I didn't. Y'all go to hell.
Y'all go to hell right now. I went there three minutes back. That's the last time I bring anything. You know what? Yeah, Tyson tunes, all right, Matt? How about that? Worst bit. Your idea, Matt. Woods, do one of your two voices that you do. Hey, do Garrett or me. So a guy went up into his attic, bought a house, went up into his attic, and he found a box containing $45,000. What happened was... The mom and dad, you know, the mom passed away, then eventually the dad passed away. The kids sell the house. This guy buys the house, goes up in the attic, $45,000. $100 bundles entwine in this box. What does the guy do? He gives it back to the kids. Yeah. How about that, ladies and gentlemen? He found, in the garage, he found a small hatch. To an attic. And that's when he found the bundle of money. And he said that he thought to himself. And this is a quote. I could imagine.
The guy who lived there, the old man from time to time would carefully bundle up $100 with twine and put it in the box to save. And he didn't do that for me. He did that for his kids. He did it for prostitutes in Las Vegas. You never got to take that trip. You're such a monster. He died. It was a slush fund from his wife. You are a monster. You're a monster. He said, I felt like I got to write a... A chapter in his life he wasn't able to finish. So sweet. Yeah, I'm glad he gave that money back because I never did get to them whores in Vegas. I was gonna. Trip was booked. I still call him whores because I did in the cowboy days. That's right. When I started collecting this $45,000. Yeah, that's right. When I met him next to the saloon. The Prime Minister of Israel was speaking yesterday and got heckled and we had audio of it. Hey, listen, do I come to your job? It's your voice being Heard on the Mikey Show now. You've got to go. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. You guys care about the rules? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. With summer's brutal heat beating down, temperatures soar inside your vehicle.
You turn on the air conditioner but get blasted with hot air. You need cool air fast, and O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts is here to help. Eventually, your AC unit may need professional service, but until then, you can recharge your system with a can of InterDynamics R134A Refrigerant with System Leak Sealer. Recharging is fast and easy to do. Pick up a can of InterDynamics R134A Refrigerant with System Leak Sealer for $14.99 at your local O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts store. With the products you need at guaranteed low prices, the professional parts people at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts can help you bring back the cool. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices, every day. Youthful. Innovative. Lots of words mean fresh. Add Mercedes-Benz to the list. That's because the 2011 lineup of Mercedes-Benz vehicles is the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class. Take the C300 sports sedan. A rare combination of luxurious refinement and racing pedigree, its agility control suspension lets it handle with precision, even when driven hard. See your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer about the 2011 C300 sports sedan, and you'll discover that for 125 years, Mercedes-Benz has also been synonymous with value.
Least the 2011 C300 Sport Sedan, an IIHS top safety pick, for just $349 a month for 33 months with $3,894 due at signing. A new year, a new level of innovation from Mercedes-Benz. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through May 31, 2011. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Horn Motors of Crossband, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, or visit SoCalMB.com. The Ultimate Fighting Championship presents UFC 130. Fresh off a win over Lyoto the Dragon Machida. Former light heavyweight champion and MMA legend Quentin Rampage Jackson is back to take on the man who smashed Tito Ortiz, Matt. The Hammer Hamill. Also, former heavyweight champion Frank Mir prepares for the knockout power of heavy-handed Roy Big Country Nelson. Plus...
Coming off one of the most phenomenal performances of his career, welterweight contender Tiago Alves will go to war with a relentless Rick horror story. And it's a battle of heavyweight giants as 6'7 undefeated Travis Brown takes on 6'11 powerhouse Stefan Skyscraper Strew. Bud Light presents UFC 130, Rampage vs. Hamill. Live Saturday, May 28th from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. Only on pay-per-view. Visit UFC.com for details. Or using your Cox remote control by tuning to channel 501 or in HD on channel 798 after 5.30 p.m. on Saturday. Enjoy the fight. Hey, man. Long time no see. How's life? Oh, all I do is study for the bar exam. 200 questions, four hours. This thing's going to be brutal. Really? Mine was only two questions. It took me about a minute. What? Huh? Here, let me quiz you. Take a look at my Coors Light. Okay. What does this bar mean? The Coors Light's cold? On the nose. And this bar? Means it's super cold? Boom, friend! You just passed the bar exam! Yes! New super cold activation from Frost Brewed Coors Light. With two stages, now you'll know when your beer goes from cold to super cold. Well, I'm all out. You up for another bar exam? Absolutely. Getting educated. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. If you're going to drink, drink responsibly.
Plan for a designated driver, because with great beer comes great responsibility. A reminder from Miller Coors, Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. If I told you my grandma used to give me mother's cookies, I'd be lying. She didn't exactly give them to me. She was far craftier than that, which is why I loved her. She had this whole method. She'd plant some circus animal cookies on her dresser, and then she'd send me on a decoy mission to go get something for my quote-unquote forgetful old grandmother. Then, to distract Mom, she'd create a diversion. To buy me some time, she'd really milk it, too, so I could pop the cookies in my mouth and quietly let the pink frosting dissolve on my tongue. It was all kind of genius, or at least I thought it was, until my mom became a grandma herself. A crafty grandma. That's when I realized that mom was in on it all along. Now, so am I. And my daughter thinks the whole thing is just awesome. Mother's cookies. There's a memory in every bite. Get ready for Memorial Day at Walgreens, where now, until May 28th, you'll get four Coke 12 pets for just $14. Offer not valid in Alaska or San Francisco. Thank you. Liberals drive me nuts. I will always say that. Liberals drive me nuts.
because of how conservative I am. Lauren. Yeah, you call me thrifty. I call me smart. Cheap. Woods. I was kind of the class clown in high school, if you guys can imagine. Sienna. My biggest pet peeve is when people go... When they chill. Ah, it drives me nuts. And Jay. I'm a salt aficionado. On FM 94.9. You know what's cool? I didn't tell you guys about this, but... I chewed Ryan out the other day, and it was like he understood me. You chewed him out? He's one and a half, right? He's going to be two in August. Okay. I chewed him out, but not like... What I did was, you know, he wouldn't stop crying. Does Ryan... Does my son Ryan, does he ever cry? And so I took him into the living room. I sat him down in my lap, and I went, Ryan, it is not okay for you to just cry all the time. You cannot do that. And he was looking at me, and I was like, he understood. I do that with my dogs. I understand, too. Yeah. It's cool. Hey, our guy Jared does createyourdesignonline.com. Is this George Michael? Did you put George Michael on there? Damn straight, I did. Createyourdesignonline.com. He'll do your website. He'll do your business cards. He does amazing work, and he does it really, really fast. Yeah, Ryan's new bit is...
he cries every time he has to eat dinner. Just the opposite of dad. Are you sure that's your kid? Eating time's the happiest time of your life. Mike, isn't that like some kind of fatty holiday for you? Just happens every day. Happens. Fat Tuesday? Isn't that your favorite? Isn't that your day, Mike? Isn't Fat Tuesday your... I thought it was originally called Mikey Tuesday. Just call it Tuesday. Mikey Martez. Mikey Martez. Lunas, Martez, Miraculous. That counts too. Then back to Mikey Les. Isn't there a day called Big Old Fatty McFatterton Pants of the Fat Squad? Isn't that your day? Yeah, so his new bit.
is he cries at dinner. I go, and I say to Rebecca, I go, what's he crying about? And she goes, that's his new bit. He cries at dinner. He's a very sensitive kid. Huh? Just brace yourself. Luke does not cry. No, dude. He doesn't. He sits there all cute. Just condition them real good. Eating his food all cute and dainty, doesn't cry, and Ryan's crying. No reason. What are you crying? Why? What are you crying? Santa, there's nothing. Because he knows he's not your favorite. And he wants your attention and your love. He just wants your love and attention. Love him. Take him on a trip. Just you and him. Yes. A trip. Yes. You should. You guys should go to Manhattan or something. Yes. Just the two of you. Take him to a pod race. No. See fire trucks. He likes fire trucks. We were having dinner with some friends of ours on Saturday night. And I go, listen.
My son Ryan, he cries all the time. I go, and Lukey doesn't. Now, I'm not going to say I have a favorite, but Luke's my favorite. Wait until he podcasts. He's looking at me right now. Monster. I want to take Ryan and just hug him and love him. Give him whatever he wants. Hey, listen. You know what it's like. Your grandma with you and Wavy. Yes, but... Hello, dear. Hello, Sienna. Here's a $100 bill. Oh, fine, wait a minute. Here's a booger. I'm sorry it's not fresh. I picked it in 1982 right after J.R. got shot on Dallas. Actually, I picked it the day Sienna was born. To commemorate. I knew someday you'd be around. Wait a minute. Here's an old Betamax. Here's a Betamax copy of Predator.
I bought it at a garage sale on the way over here. He's trying to pen, do something with it. There's an old popcorn bag I had from the theater. I shouldn't, I'm sorry I lied. I didn't buy it at the garage sale. They gave it to me at the garage sale. Oh, boy. But I hope you enjoy it if you can find a Betamax to play. Here's an old popsicle from 1962. A little freezer burn, dear, but it's okay. A little freezer burn. Here's an old vacuum bag. There's probably something in there. If you dig around, you might find a quarter. Sift through it. Quarter. You might find a love letter I wrote to your sister. True. Whom I love. Not that I play any favorites. Love you both equally. Dear the fairest one of all. I love you equally. I love you equally. Whatever. Get out of here, Waverly. She moved into a retirement home a couple years ago. Yeah. And her entire room is like nothing more pictures of me. Oh, my God. There's like one picture of Waverly. Grandma, it's me, Waverly. And like 7,000 of me and Sage and me and Todd. Wow.
There's just me. It's a timeline. Grandma, why do you hate me? Grandma, why don't you do me a favor and just pretend you like me? Can you put my picture up, please, in your retirement homeroom? M1 Bronco from Oceanside. What was the word of the day? It was popsicle. That is correct. Very good. You've got a pair of tickets to go see L.A. Rising Rage Against the Machine. Muse. Muse. Rise Against at L.A. Coliseum on July 30th. Hang on the line, please. Okay. Well done. Well done. Nice. Yeah, I was really listening. Okay, so Benjamin Netanyahu is the Prime Minister of Israel, and he was talking at a session for Congress and got heckled. And here's what happened. Yet, as we share their hopes, you know, I take it as a badge of honor, and so should you, that in our free societies, you can have protests. You can't have these protests. in the farcical parliaments in Tehran on Tripoli. This is real democracy. How about that? He responded with class. It was a good recovery. Yeah, sure it was. I love Israel. It's good. I don't like what the president's saying about Israel. Wanting to go back to those border lines in 1968. It sounds like he doesn't know what he's talking about. Go back to those borders in 1968? And how are you going to defend those people? You'd be sitting ducks. It's over my head, pal.
Israel and the old Palestine, they don't like each other. I know that. And so President Obama says, well, I got a solution. Let's go back to 1968, which would mean giving back land to the Palestinians that right now is Israel. Okay? Well, what about all those people that are living there? Like, they showed a picture of it. It's a bunch of condominiums. Like, it looks like condos. They're Israelis. They're like, what? What are you talking about? What do we do? We live here. Well, we'll just put a border up there, you know. Feast. You live there? Sorry. It would be as if they drew the border at Del Mar on the 5. And if you live in Solana Beach, sorry, you're now the enemy. Yeah. Everybody hates you and they want to kill you. But feast. I don't know how they're going to do it. Maybe he's just spitballing ideas. Maybe. Throwing stuff out there. Maybe he was just spitballing it out loud.
Nate and Yahoo said, in as tactful a way as he could, you're out of your mind. And it's not going to happen. L.O.B., what is pacing? Apparently, your boyfriend, Matt Commerce, your BFMC, taught you a new word. And it's called pacing. And it's something that the cops do. What is it? It's when they ride up next to you to see how fast you're going. So it's not using radar. But they get up right next to you, then they look at their speedometer, and then they figure out how fast you're going. Based, oh my gosh. Yeah. Didn't know. I didn't know either. I thought there would have to be like, oh, here's what I caught you on the gun or whatever. But yeah. I got caught speeding, and that's probably how he did it, because he didn't have a gun. I didn't know it was a word. Pacing. Scottish. When we come back, we're going to tell you about the 75-year-old guy that was arrested for... Grabbing his wife's butt. Pop it in. The Mikey Show. Turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY at GC. Here's the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. Sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater.
Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low Volt. You can't buy tickets. But we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. We know you want ultimate performance and... Ultimate fuel efficiency. So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Now you can lease a new 2011 535i sedan with the ultimate MPG. 30 highway miles per gallon for just...
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There'll be great food and drink specials all day long. Remember, Mnemonic Music Marathon. Also supported by the Nug Family, sdgolflessons.com, and FM 94.9. Saturday, May 28th for Remember, Mnemonic Music Marathon at Longboards, 1466 Garnett Avenue in Pacific Beach. For more info, go to longboardgrill.com. So I'm at the Verizon store because Father's Day is here, my son is graduating, and they're both big into technology. So I asked the sales guy, got anything for techies? And he's like, tons. Maybe the Android-powered Samsung Galaxy Tab or the Motorola Zoom. It's Verizon's first 4G LTE upgradable tablet. So I say, hmm. But in my head I'm thinking... Then I say, okay, but aren't those super expensive? And he says, nope, we've got tablets starting at $199.99. And now my brain's going.
So I'm at the theater with my mom and sister, who somehow convinced me to see the latest Victorian romantic love. tragedy film. But at least I have an ice cold Coke. Well, I had an ice cold Coke. Now I'm down to that last part where if I try to drink it, there's a good chance it'll make a slurping noise. Quiet. So I'm waiting for an action scene to cover the slurp. And waiting for the action scene. And waiting. Coca-Cola. Open happiness. Refreshing Coke and refreshing savings make summer cooler. Visit your local Albertsons and grab a Coca-Cola summer booklet with more than $85 in savings. That includes $2 off a large Coke at your local AMC theater. And pick up plenty of Coke for all your get-togethers. Coca-Cola, open happiness. While booklet supplies last in savings of participating AMC theaters locations. Whether you're biking.
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I'm Darla. I'm a Fresh and Easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money we pass on to you. I've always told people about Fresh and Easy. I tell them all the fresh stuff I get. I'll come in here and I'll see something else. That looks interesting. Let me try it. As my husband said, I'm the guinea pig. I've never had a Fresh and Easy product that I didn't like. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Darla, for helping us save money. So we can offer a 24-pack of Fresh and Easy pure drinking water for just $2.99 or two packs for just $5 plus CRV. And the winner of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Weigh Off is Ethel Herbert. A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing. Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot sauce goes on anything. Its aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot sauce. I put that s*** on everything. on everything. You're headed for a divorce, but before you head to an attorney, think about calling a fairway mediation. First, it costs considerably less. Second, it works with both of you, not paid lawyers, to figure out what's best. Call 619-702-9174 or online at afairway.com. And now back to the Mikey Show. I'm also being told I have no uterus with Mikey. I know it's be different. It's not be perfect. Okay. There's a lot of theories on what happens with a dinosaur.
Woods, listen, girls like the aloof guy. I'm going to teach them how to be the aloof guy, not the little P word that I was sometimes. Oh, boy. Zienna. Is it not okay to even let my dog pee on the lawn anymore because I was feeling guilty about it? And Jay. I'm against her. On FM 94.9. So I got to play this before we get out of here today because it's pretty funny. Jimmy Fallon last night had Boyz II Men on and... They said goodbye to Oprah. I thought she'd be with us forever. But for reals not to be, it's so hard to say goodbye.
Sound good singing an Oprah Winfrey parody song. Wanted to hear the deep voice guy. I know. Girl. Women will cry today. I watched your show for 20 years and I can look at myself now and say that I can do it. You can. If you can do it, I can do it. You can. I can. You can do it. I can. I'm beautiful. You're beautiful. I'm not overweight. Well, you are. I'm not. You said I wasn't. She never laughs. Today. Doesn't. Doesn't. Today's her last day on TV. Is it. Yeah, she's not just moving a cable. Yeah. She's got her own network. The O network. Yeah, but no more Oprah show. Oh, TB.
Isn't there... It's Oprah Network. Yeah, she'll produce TV shows now. Magazine. But she won't do a talk show anymore. Lunchbox. You believe she will, L.O.B.? Restaurants. I think it's embarrassing if she does. And she knows that. I think she's bigger than... Water bottles. What would get a bigger applause than that? Hot sauce. Chicken wings. Almonds. Oprah's almonds. Almonds? It'd be everything. Oh, surfboards. Hey, what's the deal, Sienna, with Mick Jagger and a super group? Well, for the first time since Rolling Stones formed 50 years ago. 50. He's part of a new band. Oh, wow. Mick Jagger is part of a new band and their name is Super Heavy. The Diapers. No. It's called Depends. That's a cool name for a band. The Diapers? The Diapers. Incontinence. Filled with a load of crap. The Diapers.
It's terrible. No, it's not. If I were doing a band, if I were forming a band, I would call it The Diapers. That's one of the worst band names I've ever heard. That's why it's great. Gross. A band on Yo Gabba Gabba, maybe. Yeah. Rugrats. It's called Super Heavy and in the band is Dave Stewart, Joss Stone. Wait, tell me who these people... Eurythmics. Dave Stewart from the Eurythmics. The creepy little guy. Joss Stone. Joss Stone, the singer. He's young and has a cool voice. Yeah, she's like... Why is there another singer in the band? He's a singer. Damien Marley. Oh, wow. And Indian film composer A.R. Rahman. Oh, he did. Oh, A.R. Rahman is... Wait a minute. That's three singers. The Marley guy? He's a musician slash singer all around. Triple threat. The group actually got its start two years ago. Dave Stewart called Mick Jagger from his home in Jamaica, and they've been quietly recording together over the past 18 months. I want to hear something from them. I bet it's rad. I was in Dave Stewart's music video. You were? The Obama one is Dave Stewart. I didn't know. American Prayer. Oh, wow.
That's cool. All 0.7 seconds of me. Did you meet him? No. You didn't even meet him? Yeah, I filmed it all separately. I don't like to meet the people that work for me. I've got it in my ride and I never let it look. I never even met Annie Lennox. I was in a band with her for 30 years. I've never met her. No, it comes to rain again. It comes to Annie again. I'm not going to see her. I'm not going to talk to her. Backstage. Why did she have a haircut like a boy, I wonder? That's what I asked her one time, but I wrote her a letter because I didn't want to meet her. I sent her an email and said, why does Woods have longer hair than you do? No, the email hadn't been invented yet. Fair enough. Sent her a telegram. Sent her a fax. Sent her a fax. What's the deal with a genderless child in Canada? What is that? This is so weird. There's a four month old kid in Canada that was born in Toronto and the parents who have, this is their third child, but for whatever reason, this third child, they don't want anyone to know the gender of the child. Why is that? I don't understand why that's getting people's attention. Like if we had a kid and we didn't tell anybody if it's a boy or a girl.
Who cares? I do. You're a weirdo. They're doing it for societal norms is what they're saying because men are treated, you know, they want to see the difference if it's a man or a woman. Here's my curiosity. Here's where my curiosity is just being, you know, pinched is where did, how did it go from the hospital, you know, and them making this decision to the news? Home birth. I know, but how did it make it to the public level? They have to put it on the birth certificate, and if you don't, I'm sure the county... That's not what he's asking, though. He's asking, why do people... How do we know about it? Who called Fox News and said... It was in the local newspaper. People are freaking out, and people in Toronto say that they're acting very selfish and very inconsiderate, and that this child is going to be harassed later in life because of what the parents are doing. No, they're not. They're going to know. People will know. The four-month-old's... Name is Storm. They chose a name that could be man, male or female. That's great. If your name was Storm, guess what? Sienna's a girl, and I can tell. Yeah, after a while, you can. You can tell pretty soon. So they're going to give a unisex haircut when the kid starts. And what is that? Even as a five-year-old, because when kids are babies, people will all the time be like, oh, what's her name? And you're like, it's a boy, bro.
You know, you get upset because people mistake your kid for a boy or a girl. But eventually it gets to a point where... You can tell. It's like a boy to me. I can tell it's four months old. Well, and how is that child going to handle having to go to the bathroom every single time? Like, no one else is allowed to change his diapers. No one else is allowed to take it to the bathroom. I mean, that's going to give the child... The only ones that know the sex are the two older brothers, Jazz and Keo. They'll keep a secret. And the two midwives that help deliver the baby at home. Secret kept. Yeah. What must... Oh, my gosh. I want you to just imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to have dinner with that couple. Because, I mean, how do you just get along, you know? You just want to get along with them. And you're like, yeah, so, you know, yesterday we went to the store. That's offensive. Yeah, what store? Where did you go? Went to Henry's. That's offensive. Oh, that's awful. Henry's is awful. And then I went home. Where do you live?
That's offensive. We live in North County. Why do you live in North County? That's awful. Do you choke seagulls? The mother kept her maiden name as well. There's nothing wrong with that, just so you know. There's nothing wrong with that. Just so you know. Yeah, sign me up for that. Lauren O'Brien. That's my name. Don't be for long, though. Change it, please. I have so many proposals coming my way that I have options. Oh, no. Let's just cross that bridge when we get to it, Mike. Oh, no. Oh, that's so uncomfortable. You're thinking Hillary. Oh, gosh. Hillary comes in and Hillary's like... I step into, like, a firestorm every day. So I talk about my botched adoption, too. Oh, stop it. Just getting, like, a week away from having a kid and then just don't have one. She's got, like, a shed full of baby stuff. You have, like, a little Toys R Us in your backyard. I got a shower in a couple weeks. I think I'll just go in the back and just grab something. He told me the other day, anytime I want them to watch Sage, just drop her off. They have all the stuff. Oh, yeah. We got everything. Got everything you need. We'll set it all up in the backyard real sweetly for you. Woods was going to adopt a child. It fell through. And now to give him self-relief, he makes jokes about it because it helps him to add levity to it. I have to have levity in my life. It's horrible because this is the thing about Woods. He's funny.
Okay? Which makes it really hard because you're like, don't do that. It's not funny. And then it's funny and you're like, don't. I shouldn't be laughing. I know it. Don't. LB and I were just in pain and we just have to make... Great. Don't. Don't. Don't. Everyone has... Yes. Don't. Don't. Sometimes you just gotta laugh. Hillary. You just gotta look in the mirror and laugh. What do you have coming up? Mikey does it every time. Every day. Thank you, baby. Gosh, I wanted to say that so bad. You beat me to it, LB. Oh, my gosh. This is going to haunt me forever. This will haunt me. Haunt me. I could have said Mac laughs looking in the mirror. And you beat me to it. Take it. Oh. How will they know how much I hate him? Oh, God. What do you have coming up next? Okay. I grabbed Johnny Cash, Filter, Death Capricorni, Gorillaz. Mikey's a gorilla! Mikey's a cat! I just want to get out of here. Don't blame you. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next and we will see you tomorrow morning at 6. Mikey shows out.