The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 05/31/11
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
birthday giftsstudio windowsDUI arrestsOhio State football scandalGeezer Banditants in earsrelationship adviceabortion disclosuremedical growthpick a scene gamemikey showbirthday
The show opened with Mikey celebrating his 41st birthday and thanking engineer JR for new studio windows, then quickly shifted to personal stories including his awkward eighth‑grade crush Dana and a bizarre house‑of‑cards encounter. News segments covered a surprising 10% rise in San Diego DUI arrests despite a statewide drop, the resignation of Ohio State football coach Jim Trestle over a player‑benefits cover‑up, and the revelation that local producer Jay is the elusive Geezer Bandit behind a string of bank robberies. Listener calls brought dramatic personal drama: Poston’s girlfriend‑related abortion scandal and Woods’ graphic description of a postoperative ‘butt ball’ growth. Throughout, the hosts mixed humor with frank discussions about relationships, health, and local oddities.
What happened, in order
Picture Window Praise
Mikey thanks engineer JR for installing new picture windows in the studio and jokes about seeing Booz Allen executives showering nude.
Eighth Grade Crush
Mikey recounts his 8th‑grade crush Dana, his failed attempt to French her, and the awkward house‑of‑cards game they played instead.
San Diego DUI Spike
Mikey reports that while statewide DUI arrests fell over Memorial Day weekend, San Diego saw a 10% increase, with 75 arrests in the county.
Ohio State Coach Resigns
Mikey discusses Ohio State head coach Jim Trestle’s resignation amid allegations he knew players were receiving improper benefits and covered it up.
Geezer Bandit Unmasked
Mikey reveals that the notorious Geezer Bandit responsible for 14 bank robberies is actually co‑host Jay, describing his latest robbery in San Luis Obispo.
Ants in Ears
Sienna shares the bizarre story of a Taiwanese teen who had more than 30 ants removed from her ears after snacking and cleaning them with Q‑tips.
Poston’s Relationship Crisis
Caller Poston explains that his parents turned against his girlfriend after discovering she had an abortion that his mother paid for, leading to pressure to break up.
Woods’ Butt Ball
Woods describes a painful, testicle‑like growth on his butt from gastric bypass surgery that a surgeon refused to remove until he finally agreed.
People mentioned
MikeyJRNikkiLaurenJaySiennaWoodsL.O.B.DanaMattRebeccaElizabethMama NikkiJim Trestle
37,822 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
How you doing? It's the Mikey Show on a beautiful Tuesday. Oh, my God. Let me tell you. Come in here. Come in here, JR. I want to thank him personally. I want to thank him personally. Pull that microphone up. You're the man. JR, thank you so much. Let me tell you something. JR is our engineer. One of our engineers here at FM 94.9 over the weekend, they came in and installed beautiful picture windows in here in the studio. And they are amazing. Amazing. It's so nice. It just, it is so beautiful. You can see this view of Mission Valley and on a sunny day like this, it's just absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much, dude. Thank you. You can see the executives at Booz Allen showering. That's right. That's right. Right across the way. Where? I don't care if it's man or woman. If it's naked, I want to see it. As long as it's nude, I don't care. That's right. I don't have my glasses. I can't tell you. Well, thank you, JR. Very nice. It looks incredible. It looks incredible. Just so, so stoked to walk in and see that today. Welcome to the program.
It's a Mikey show and we got so much to do. It's going to be a very, very busy day. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 41. Happy birthday, buddy. Today I'm 41. Yes. That's right. Got all kinds of nice presents from everybody here on the Mikey show. Lauren gave me a card that was written in Spanish. She had to translate it for me because I am Mexican but don't speak any Spanish. And yeah, I didn't know what it said. Jay did the same bit. Jay gave me a card and I didn't know what it was. I couldn't understand it. It was in Spanish. Didn't know a word of it. Didn't know a word of it. But very happy. And so everyone knows. Sienna gave me a Tommy Bahama shirt. Why would she? You can't go wrong. You just can't go wrong. You really played it safe this year, Sienna. Absolutely. You must have been in a hurry and been busy and didn't really want to put a lot of thought into your gift. I was just like, oh, what's the quickest thing that I know he'll love? What do you get for the guy that has everything?
Another Tommy Bahama shirt. Yeah, exactly. It's a new, it's a brand new one. Basically anything on a hanger in there would have worked. Exactly. Or just a hanger. I don't wear a Tommy Bahama. Yes, you do. I don't wear a Tommy Bahama. In fact, you have a shirt right there. She got what she calls the toughest Tommy Bahama shirt there was. I did. There's flames on it. It's super tough. It's a t-shirt with flames on it. What else does it have on it? Grills. Spatula. spatula tools in a shape like crossbones. Like skull and crossbones. I didn't just go the tough route. I also got you coconut lip balm. Right. More coconut lip balm. He has pineapple. He has margarita. He's replenishing it. Papaya. I just put it on. I don't know how people can wear lip balm because it feels like I have frosting on my lips. Nothing wrong with that. Looks real good. I don't care if it's a man or a woman. Like I said. All right. We're all humans. Listen, if it's in a birthday suit, that's all I care about. And you're in it. Oh, boy. Thank you, by the way, to M1 Nikki. She is so sweet, man. She made me a birthday cake. And it's shaped like a house of cards. The reason for the house of cards, if you're a new listener of the Mikey Show, is one time I admitted on the air that when I was about...
I was in eighth grade, so I would have been 13, 12, 13. I had a crush on a girl named Dana. All right. She was one of the prettiest girls at school in eighth grade. And I actually got her to agree to come over to my house and hang out. No. Now, what would most 13-year-old boys that finally got one of the prettiest girls at school to come over to his house, what would you do? French. Probably try to figure out a way to French. Yeah. There's no question. Scheming. Scheming. With your boys. Just thinking, how am I going to French her? I'm going to French her, but how am I going to get there? Not only did I not plan what to do when she got there, but when she got there, I was like, now what do I do? Oh, boy. So I decided that probably the most sexual move, probably the way to get me to any base, would be to suggest that we go into my bedroom.
and make a house of cards. Winning. You know why? Because that's what I was into at the time. That's probably the only time she was offered that. Really, dude? Really? And so I took out a pack of cards. 52, 53 counting the Joker. Oh, 54 counting the two Jokers. Three Jokers were in the room that day. We built a house of cards. We or you? You know, that part, I'll be honest, I really don't remember if she even participated. I know she was there. Putting down a king of spades. She's like, I was here to make out, but okay, if this is what you want to do. We're going to play card games. I guess we'll just make a card house. And it was that dorky deal where it was like, finally you put one and it all fell down.
Start over. What should we do? Should we start over? Or do you want to just... Should we go outside? Should we watch a movie? Or maybe we go sit on the couch under a blanket? Your mom needs some help in the kitchen? Oh, boy, Mike. You know how to play Go Fish? Oh, Mike. Oh, Mike. Does your dad smoke cigarettes? You're a fart smeller. Sorry, fat what? Not fat. Fart smeller. You're a fart smeller. You're a fart smeller. I'm trying to hit the whole clip. Yeah. Nice try. You're a fart smeller. You're a fart smeller. You're a fart smeller. He's cutting. Now even the drops are starting to sound like gin. I'm a Nubian Prince from Sierra Mesa. How you doing? How are you? Happy belated, bro. Thank you so much, dude. Thank you very much. Happy birthday, Mikey. Oh, that's very nice. I got a question for you for Mr. Stephen Woods. Yeah.
Can you sing Mikey Happy Birthday in Falsetto? Oh, boy. All right, yeah, we'll give her a go. We'll give her a go. It's been a while. I need my peeps with me, though. You guys ready? One, two, three. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Thank you, Nubian Prince. Love you, guys. Thanks a lot. Love you, buddy. That hurt. I also got many Amazon gift cards. And it is the gift that, for me, just keeps on giving. I will always find something on Amazon. Always. Always. And I have Amazon stock. I've probably raised it. I've probably raised the stock. Single-handedly. Yeah.
I would hate to see how much I've spent on that website over the last 10 years. Definitely, you save on Tommy Bahama going through Amazon instead of just direct to the site. And to the site, because you've got to pay the shipping and handling. A little better deal on Amazon. That alone has probably driven the stock up. When you can get used, gently used stuff on Amazon. Who would have thought that one time? I buttoned up a Tommy Bahama for a luau. In Hawaii. In Hawaii. That literally four years later, I would still be known for wearing a product I don't wear. Well, the most surprising thing is that, yeah, you buttoned it up four years ago, but you're still so in on it today. That's the real deal. Have you ever buttoned it down? Is that the same shirt? Because a lot of stuff I wore four years ago, I won't wear anymore. It's kind of... Can I tell you this too? Can I tell you how we're all grown up little kids? Yeah. You know how when you were a kid and somebody, you know, another kid would call you like a booger and it would just, it would drive you crazy. Make you nuts. And if like another kid called you that, it would just, it would make you crazy, you know? And when you think about it, you're like, who cares? It's so stupid. Right. I'll get people that will post Tommy Bahama pictures endlessly on my Facebook.
And every time I'm like, I don't wear it. Like internally, I'm like Cartman. Why are you sending me this? I don't wear this. Mom, everybody keeps saying that I wear Tommy Bahama and I don't. You lose your mind. It's okay, dear. It's okay. You don't actually wear Tommy Bahama. It is not okay. I'm sick of it. Every time I go to my stupid Facebook, people are writing on Tommy Bahama. People are posting stupid pictures of me in Tommy Bahama. You do. Every day. Every day. Now you've got a new one for the collection. I know. I now officially have two Tommy Bahama shirts. Two lines. Two separate lines. M1 Mama Nikki from Escondido. Hi. Hi. Happy birthday, Mikey. Thank you, Nikki. Oh, I wanted my kids to be awake so they could say happy birthday, too, but they're not up yet. Aww. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. It's very nice of you. Yeah, you mean a lot to so much of us. Thank you. So many of us, so we love you. Thank you, Nikki. I'm bad with compliments, so I'm going to go. I love you. I love you very much. I love you. I love you.
Makes me so uncomfortable. Does it? Oh, I come out of my skin. Let's see. I got to go. Okay, bye. Love you guys. Love you guys. You're Phosphor. Phosphor. Eight o'clock, we're going to do pick a scene. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Yeah, at eight o'clock, we're going to do pick a scene. Now, here's how it works. We're going to have two baskets. And we will draw two names from the first basket. All right. And it'll be all of us here on the Mike Show. So we'll draw two names. And then we're going to draw from another basket a scene from a movie. On Friday, we have to recreate that scene. Five days of prep. Yeah. Not even five. I'm sorry. Four days of prep. Oh, it's Tuesday. It feels like Monday. It does. Because we had yesterday off. Pretty rad that it's Tuesday. Oh, I know. I know. So anyway, word of the day is cumpleaños. Of course it is.
And so sometime between now and 10, I will say the word cumpleaños. I will work that into a sentence. And when I do, caller number nine gets a pair of tickets to the sold out Indie Jam. Nice. Coastal Invasion, June 5th, Oceanside Pier. I'm thinking about going. I want to go. I actually want to go. Yeah. I don't know how to go. you know, a school night. I feel the same way. You go to bed at six. I was planning on going to like seven at the latest because I like to get in bed early. Starts at three. You got plenty of time. Starts at three. We could do that. I'll pick you up. Nope. Wow. Well, you say, I know you. I love you. You say, yeah, you know, I'll get out of there at seven. I will. Yeah. Okay. That means later than seven. Zero percent. Okay. I am.
Joe Psycho on school nights now. Thanks to my boss, Mikey. I don't do anything. Trust me. I'll be home in bed covers around my chin at 7 o'clock. My chins at 7. It's professional, you know. You're living the life of a professional athlete. That's what I do. That's what professional athletes do. Me and Ella B were talking about this. That is what Derek Jeter does. Absolutely. He's had training, though, because he's a semi-pro baseball player. It's true. So you understand the sort of discipline? Well, funnily enough, if I got game day the next day, kid doesn't do anything the night before. Ask my wife. She's like, let's go to dinner. I'm like, I got a game at 9.30 in Chula Vista. I'm not going out. Thank you. If you approach this the same way, you know what I mean? Which I do. Which you do. Which I do. Well, fundamentally you don't because you're going to a concert the night before. Right, but I'll be home by 6. You said, just told me that you don't do anything. I don't. But this is for our station where we work. Before a game. We work here. Before a game. So I just want to show my support. Before a game. Go see Leaky Lee. Yeah. You know, Everest. Yep. So. But. It's actually work. It's a work deal. If you think about it, it's a work deal. It's a work thing. Garrett wants us there. Yeah. It's a work deal. So I'm actually working on a Sunday. I'm not getting any overtime or anything, but I'll be there. All right. Well, speaking of.
DUI arrests in San Diego. Speaking of what? Going out. Yeah, going out. That beautiful window, Sienna. I know, it's gorgeous. Turn around. Brand new window in the studio. On the air. Yes. It's going to change my attitude. I'm so happy. Happy. The number of arrests. for drunken driving over this Memorial Day weekend were down statewide. However, in San Diego, they increased. Yeah! Oh. They increased 10%. Why would Jay play that? I don't know. Because he can. Be married. Because he can. Welcome. This is what you should play. That's what you play. From 6 p.m. on Friday to 6 a.m. on Monday, there was a 10% increase compared to last year. 75 de-rests in San Diego County. Oh, my. Statewide, there was over 1,000. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, which is actually down statewide. Oh, wow. I know. Let's see. And then this announcement from the athletic director of Ohio State University. Buckeye Nation, by now you have the news.
that our head football coach, Jim Trestle, has decided to resign. We announced it this morning. I want you to know that last night, Sunday night, when Jim returned from his vacation, he and I sat down for a while and talked about the state of our program. And it's at that time that he decided to resign. We met again this morning in his office and chatted some more. and he submitted his formal letter of resignation. Do you think that the resignation sounded something like this? Jim, we're going to fire you, so resign. I wonder if it sounded anything like that. Yeah. Or do you think that he genuinely resigned? For the good of the program. I really can't believe that. He is, numbers-wise, one of the best coaches out there, period. Makes him look better. if they allowed this. Absolutely. I think they were just extending the courtesy of, why don't you resign? Because we're going to fire you. Yeah, we have to do something. Somebody's got to take the fall. We're not going to let Terrell Pryor go, our star quarterback. Right. He's not going anywhere. Granted, he's sitting the first five games of next year, but he ain't going anywhere. You're the guy. So what did he do that's so bad? Well, the crime isn't as bad as the cover-up, okay? The crime is he knew about...
players taking improper benefits and did not report it. In other words, people are buying players nice things. Yeah, people are buying players nice things. They're selling things that they've been given from Ohio State, like championship rings. They're taking those. They're selling them. The players are. The players are, for cash. They are also going into car dealerships, signing jerseys, getting cars. There is an article coming out this week in Sports Illustrated. This is another reason why Trestle may have left now. It ain't all out there yet. So everything that we know now. Can I ask you this, Woodsy? Because you know way more about, I don't know much about college football at all. And you know a lot about it. Is this an Ohio State thing? No. Okay, because I mean, I think to myself, man, I got to be completely, you know, ignorant if I think that this doesn't happen at every major football program.
Not even every major football program. Every football program? Every football program, I would say. He just got caught? You know, Jim Trestle, I did a lot of research on this yesterday. I was very interested in this story because I've never been an Ohio State fan. But I kind of felt bad for the guy because he was trying to protect his players in this. And now there's more stuff coming out. It's once it starts to snowball and one guy gets in trouble, then it turns out. Actually, there were 10 other guys getting benefits. And then to find out that the coach knew about it the whole time, didn't say anything. Jim Trestle had been getting emails from an alumni saying, hey, this is going to go down. You've got to let somebody know to protect your butt. And he goes, no, no. And he didn't go to the NCAA. So I think this probably happens at every college football program out there, Mike. But, you know, it's when you get caught, I guess, man. And when you're at the top like they are. I mean, the guy has won. He's been to eight BCS games during his 10 years. I mean, you've got a target on your back. He's won a national championship. Does he face any like? Yeah. Oh, really? He can be in trouble with the law? Not the law, per se, but what I heard is that even in his next job, which will be at Kent State.
Really? Oh, yeah. It won't be at a major school? Not yet. Not yet. Why? Because of the cover-up to the NCAA. Oh, so the NCAA will be like, you can't coach for a while. He's got a target on his back, man. And nobody, you know, Florida, or somebody, they just hired a new coach, but Florida State is probably not going to go after Jim Trestle. I mean, he's a marked man right now. San Diego State. Right. Maybe we hire him. Oh, dude, what a great fit. Can you imagine? Now, he could come here because we're not a big program, right? He could go anywhere. Who's going to hire him? Nobody knows. If I'm the athletic director at San Diego State, I'm like, Jim, listen, we got a home for you, buddy. It's beautiful here. You'll love it. Do you surf? Yeah, do you surf? Do your kids surf? Have you ever had fish tacos? Yeah. Because they're pretty good. We got a zoo. We got a zoo here? The best zoo. Unbelievable. And then you say, listen, I know you made a mistake. How about you come here, you learn from your mistakes, you don't make those mistakes here, and we'd love to have you. Exactly. I mean, he will coach again because with a 106-22 record, that's pretty damn good. Now, I'll tell you what, Mike, this is the interesting thing to watch. A lot of USC fans are like rabid dogs right now because they can't play in bowl games because of some of the things that Reggie Bush did. They're like...
They're like bulldogs at the gate, man, with rabies. And they want to run through the gate because if Ohio State doesn't get the same kind of sanctions brought against them, they're going to flip out. They're going to flip out. Right? Makes sense. Because USC can't play in bowl games for the next couple of years. What's fair is fair. What's fair is fair. Well, there it is. Jim Trussell. He's out. Let me tell you, dominating every sport headline in the world. Yeah. Jim Trussell. All day long yesterday. Sienna, the Geezer Bandit's back. 14th bank robbery. This guy is nuts. Now, he's making his way up the coast. This happened on Friday at a bank in Marro Bay, which is over by San Luis Obispo. And he struck again. Now, this is, like I said, 14th bank robbery. It all started Friday, August 28th, 2009. So we're coming up on two years this guy has been getting away with this. And, you know, he dresses up like he's in his 70s or he really is in his 70s. No one knows. You know, he kind of flashes the bank teller his gun, hands him a note, says, give me the cash, and then he's out the door. Now, this last one on Friday in San Luis Obispo, authorities are saying that he may have taken off in a cream-colored two-door sedan, which is more information than we've gotten at all from anyone. Can I tell you something kind of interesting, if I remember correctly? Because I lived in San Luis Obispo. That was my first morning job, solo, was in San Luis Obispo.
And so I lived in that area. Morro Bay, if I remember correctly, it only had a road that went in there. Wow. One in, one out. Pretty sure. Same road? Yeah. Which is weird. That's ballsy. It's like, yeah, it's ballsy. You know what else is weird? I saw you, Mike, yesterday. I saw Sienna on Sunday. I saw LLB on Friday and Sunday. What about Jay? I haven't seen Jay, nor was he answering phone calls all weekend. Do you have an alibi, Jay? I do not. You don't? This is getting very interesting, isn't it? What seemed to be just a regular guy that worked in a regular station. Well, upon further investigation, we realize that he's not so regular at all, is he? In fact, yes, people thought it was such a joke that he was 47, but actually, he was not what he appeared, was he? Such a quiet man. Such a nice man to so many of the neighbors. In fact, he could do no wrong on Facebook. In fact, one morning, one morning he even made a joke about DUI statistics going on. If you were to go on Facebook, it was practically like the mothers over at Matt were applauding, saying how funny it was because he could simply do no wrong.
That is until it was discovered that this crinkly old pincher could actually be a Geezer Bandit. Oh, stop it. That explains why the Geezer Bandit memorabilia is sold all over and people buy it and they want to be his friend on Facebook. Because it's Jay. Young looking hands. Oh, Jay. They're young looking. Incredible. Geezer bandit strikes again. Wow. Oh, boy. Very notable death over the weekend. Everybody knows this guy. I'll tell you who it is. Want to hear a weatherman scolding people on television? And do you know about the horse herpes? They said horse herpes. The horse herpes will get you. I love you violently. Hang on. We'll tell you next time.
My little sunshine has a temper sometimes, but he's not all bad. Mikey. Text him. He's a real beef castle. 949mikey at gmail.com. What? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Bush Inside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodile. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low Bolts. You can't buy tickets.
But we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. Wake up to a flat-out delicious deal from Subway. The new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. A tasty, toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfast sandwich and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed Seattle's Best Coffee. All for just $3. Tempt your taste buds and choose from the Egg & Cheese, Black Forest Ham Egg & Cheese, or the Bacon Egg & Cheese. Morning masterpieces of monumental proportions. Built fresh from the flatbread up. Put your spin on one with everything from juicy tomatoes to spicy jalapenos. Maybe even Chipotle Southwest sauce for a bowl kick. Pair it with a rich, fresh cup of Seattle's best coffee, and it's all just $3. The new $3 flatbread breakfast combo, only at Subway. Up to Lightspeed.
Good idea, Han. We've got to get the Chevron Extra Mile for the takeoff to adventure game. You can instantly win Extra Mile bucks or enter your code online for a chance to win a Disneyland Resort vacation to experience the new Star Tours with airfare from Southwest Airlines Vacations. That was my energy drink, buddy. No purchase necessary. Open to legal residents of California, Oregon, and Washington, 18 and over. Void or prohibited. See rules in stores or at extramilegame.com. And June 30th, while supplies last. Chevron Extra Mile. Extra easy, extra value at select Chevron locations. It's time to race to the California. The San Diego County Fair opens next week. Play bingo Thursday through Sunday and you can win big money. There's a Packet Urn painting exhibit and four different car shows at the Cruisin' California exhibit. Sponsored by Jeffrey Scott Fine Magnetics. Visit SDFair.com for details. More smiles to the mile at the San Diego County.
Presented by Albertson Savon. Miller Lite is proud to once again be presenting FM 94.9 Independence Jam Coastal Invasion at the Oceanside Pier on June 5th. Great beer, great responsibility. Triple hops brews Miller Lite. Taste greatness. This report brought to you by Brandman University. Brandman University, part of the Chapman University system. It's a nonprofit school focused on working adults. Visit brandman.edu to learn more. Brandman University, do better. Heading into Encinitas 5 northbound before Manchester Avenue, there's a disabled car. It's in the middle of lanes causing a backup. 56 westbound Carmel Valley Road, some slowing, and it's slow here on the 905. Looks like a backup, the westbound side, from the 805 eastbound 905. is slow from Picador to Otay Mesa. This report also brought to you by McDonald's 42-ounce soft drinks, only 79 cents at McDonald's for a limited time. Choose from a variety of icy cold drinks. Now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Participation varies. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Just one day, if I could be Tom Brady. Lauren. I like it, why not? You like the arm kit? Yeah, it's family. Woods.
I love the brass. Zienna. And Jay. Yeah, I shaved my legs one time. On FM 94.9. I do. I called Woods one morning on my way to work, and I was singing this, and I was like, do you know what that is? He's like, no. I called Lauren, sang it to her. No. I'm like, I'm not singing it right. I called Jesse, our overnight guy. He instantly goes, that's Beck, Lost Cause. That's amazing. We're going to let you hear a weatherman scolding people on television, live television. Take a scene at 8 o'clock, we'll explain. And when I say the word cumpleaños between now and 10, caller number 9 gets a pair of tickets to a sold-out Indy Jam this weekend. Ocean Side Pier. So, yeah, this happened on live television. It was in Minneapolis. And it was a Fox affiliate.
And this guy is responding to the fact that he's a weatherman. He's responding to the fact that a lot of people are Facebooking into the station, calling to complain to the station because there is tornadoes going on. And they start carrying live coverage of the tornado watches instead of a soccer match. Hmm. Take a listen. We want to update our viewers who are watching soccer going on right now. It was our intention to go back to the soccer programming here for the Champions League at 3.15. This weather warning has now been extended for a good portion of our southern metro, as you can see. So we are going to continue in our weather coverage and show you the soccer game there in the double box so you can at least watch the action going on. I know a lot of you are calling the studios right now. Folks, I'm going to tell you, it does no good to call us. We're going to continue with our weather coverage, all right? So I'm going to end the debate right there. We are going to have our double box. We are going to continue with our weather coverage until this tornado warning is over with for the southern metro, at which portion we will join back the coverage in its entirety so you can watch it there. But in the meantime, we're going to have it in the double box. So don't call us.
Don't write to us on Facebook and cheese us off because, you know what, we're sticking with this. No matter what you say, we are going to continue to keep our viewers safe. You know, quite frankly, we have to. It's part of our licensing agreement with the FCC. You know, doesn't that sort of... How about that, by the way? Because to me, that's the whole point. Maybe just say, hey, listen, I know a lot of people are pissed because you want to see your soccer game. We have to cover this. it's not even a debate at that point. Right. And when I heard the guy say that at the very end, I was like, are you kidding me with the scolding, Dad? You don't have a choice, Pops. That weatherman was like, this is my job. This is my job. My job. Yeah. You want to take it seriously? This is my job. Seriously. It's like, hey, dude, you don't have a choice. You have to. Now, I'm telling you, I don't blame people for being upset.
Even though it was soccer. And for the most part, no one cares about soccer. That is that you're out of your mind. If I was out of my mind, Jay, it would be on ABC this weekend. But it isn't. You know, listen, network television doesn't care. All they want is money, money, money, money. That's network television. If people watched it in the droves, they'd play it. You know what I mean? Listen, if it was agriculture. that Mikey Show listeners wanted to hear, I would talk about agriculture. Absolutely. If that's the deal, I'll come on the air and I'll be like, good morning, everyone. Let's tell you how wheat is doing this morning and then we're going to move on to irrigation and corn and we're going to talk about... I would do that. Mike, isn't it almost crop rotation time? Yes, it is. I'm glad you brought that up, Woods. I know that there are... If you're listening right now and you love soccer...
This is the thing that we do as human beings. We go, because I likey, you likey. I'm reading a book right now about psychopaths. Seriously. Weird. Weird. It's on the New York Times bestseller list. It's one of the top 10 New York Times bestseller list books. And I read a little bit about it. It's fascinating. But one of the things that we do as human beings, we go, because I like it. Not only because I like it. Because I like it so powerful. I like it. I really like it. And because I really, really like it, I know that if people were just exposed to it, they'd like it like I do, which isn't true. It's simply not true. In fact, the best way to figure out what people like is to ask them. Furthermore, it's better to find out what people like by substantiating it with data.
If you can supply data that says, look, people like it. Sienna, how many people watched American Idol? Millions upon millions. 40 million? 40 million? I'm just guessing. I know there was 100 million votes. Wow. Over 100 million. That's insane. 120 million votes, yeah. 120 million votes. Now, these were not all children, by the way. These were not all children. In fact, statistically, as you look at the data, it was grown adults. that were watching and viewing American Idol. So as much as you rage against the machine and as much as you fight it, apparently a lot of people like that American Idol. Same bit with soccer. There are a lot of people that are really passionate about soccer. They play the sport. They watch the sport. They go to the sport. They love the sport. No one cares about that sport. And when I say no one, I'm speaking broadly. And the reason that I'm speaking broadly is because I can. I couldn't speak broadly about it if most people loved it. In the United States of America, by and large, people love the National Football League. Not only do they love it, they freaking love it. They really do. They really, really do. Soccer, not so much. So I'm watching this weekend. They had this whole.
marathon of something called Witness. And it was like, Witness Katrina. Witness Japan Tsunami. Witness Tornadoes 2011. So I watched the Tornadoes 2011. I was like... And the reason is because they don't really capture anything all that great. They got a couple of cyclones, but I don't really see anything getting destroyed. And if I'm going to watch a show about tornadoes, I want to see cows flying through the air. I want to see license plates. I want to see, you know, a Ford F-150 in the air. I want to see crazy things. And I don't. In fact, it was so boring. So I can understand people going, I don't want to watch nothing happening. But on the other hand, it's a contest of, you know, a couple of turds drying.
Yeah, you're either watching a tornado that may come or you're watching professional keep-away. Hello. It's the truth. Well, a tornado that can hit your town. Right. You might have to evacuate. Hey, I'm on board with the weather, man. I'd rather watch a tornado than watch soccer. Yeah. I'd rather watch a fake tornado than watch soccer. That's just me, though. 100%. Me, too. Not Jay. Jay likes it. Yeah, I mean, I don't live in Europe, so. Jay, besides David Beckham, can you name anybody on the closest professional soccer team to our city, the Los Angeles Galaxy? Besides David Beckham. Here's the only problem. I don't even like to watch sports, period. So I'm taking it up for something that I don't really want to watch either. I just like the sound of my voice, really. Have you heard me? And I like to disagree with Mike, of course. Hey, listen. If I don't, who won't? I just know people who love soccer, love. Spaniards, absolutely. I know people love me, so just give them what they want. Well, love ain't a strong enough word. That's right. The J Channel. That's right. It's just me sitting in a chair. That's right. Listen, people would watch me walk down the street. I want to start a show called Jaywalking. All it is is me walking down the street. It's called Jaywalking. I don't do nothing. It's subscription. It's subscription only. It's subscription only. It's a hundred.
And $50 a week. That's right. So for the low, low price of $600 a month, you get to watch me walk. That's right. $1 of your prescription goes towards Jasper's College. That's right. Unrated. $1. It's unrated. Unrated. Unrated and edited. Okay, I want to see where Sienna and Jay, L-O-B, Fallen is. The reason I mention all you guys, because Woods very unceremoniously already gave me his opinion about what he thinks about the Fallen. I decided that during our next vacation time, I want to go visit my brother, Mark, in Tucson. I'm against it. I haven't got there yet. Okay, sorry. Jay reminds me so much of my mom. My mom does that, but she has Alzheimer's. Well, I mean. I am an Alzheimer's. Hello. I got Alzheimer's. I got Alzheimer's. I got Alzheimer's. I'm the best of Alzheimer's.
So I'm going to go visit my brother in Tucson. I want to take the train. I thought she'd be a supporter. I predicted what would happen. What did you think? Okay, here's what I predicted. I said L.O.B. will be all in. Sienna will think that it's goofy. And J. will be all in. Sienna? I'm in on you taking it there but not back. Let him describe the whole thing for you. Okay. Okay. I mean, there's not a lot to describe, isn't there? Distance of length of travel time? Yeah, yeah. Well, here's what you do. Here's what you do. You get picked up in San Diego, you go to Los Angeles, and then you go from Los Angeles to Tucson. Now, Woods says, why? I said, because it seemed, for a guy that doesn't do anything, kind of adventurous. I agree. I like it.
Trains are cool. I like them. Yeah. And he goes, why don't you just take a plane? Identical imitation, by the way. Identical. Why don't I just drive? Well, I don't like to drive. I mean, I do like to drive, but I don't particularly care for the long distance by myself drive because it's by myself. You're going to hate it. Get out of your mind. I think you'll be okay knowing it's just one way. You'll get to check it out. You'll get the experience, but you'll dread having to come back on the train. You'll want to get back quick. Now, that could be true, but on the way over there... Four hours in, you're going to be over it. Okay, hang on. How long does it take again? Hang on, let me explain. I have a room with a shower and a bathroom, and I also have a... Oh, wow. That's cool. You will walk into your room, quote-unquote, and go... Where's the rest of it? Wait a minute. You realize, L.O.B., that I was the guy that slept on a boat in the underbelly of the boat. Right. In a dark, confined, what was as big as our walking closet at home is bigger than the thing I slept in there. I was as happy as a pea in a pod. How long ago was that? A year. Oh.
Yeah, last year when I went on the deep sea fishing trip. He likes cocoons. I love confined little areas. I'd be like taking showers over toilets, too. Yes. You will be showering over a toilet. Oh, and it'll be like an RV. Utilitarian. Yeah, but... It'll be great. Wait a minute, LLB. Picture a window, you know. The ocean is there for, you know, the trip up to L.A., you know, and then on the trip to Arizona, you know, you're seeing all this landscape that you don't get to see on the road. I know. I would really. I've done the train ride. That's why I thought you would. I would really like it. But. Why will I not? I think I know you. You need to be stimulated by something new like every hour. It's true. You know, so. But won't I be? I guess if you bring your iPad.
Then maybe you will. But I'm thinking just looking out the window I will because it's constantly changing. You picture yourself like you're picturing, you've painted it in your mind. You're Paul Newman sitting with your back there and you're just riding. You got your arm up on the window and you're looking out at that desert rolling by. Wind blowing through your non-existent hair. Yeah. And you're just sitting there going. Wind on the. Yeah, just in his mind. He's picturing like he's Paul Newman. You're going to meet the gambler on the train? Yeah, he's the gambler. Woods just called it. That's what it'll be like to me. It'll be like a movie. Yeah. I think it's a romantic notion. I think you're going to lose your mind after a while. It's a nine-hour trip, by the way. Yeah, it's a huge waste of time. It's not that big of a deal. He can take a little nap. He can read his book, listen to music, walk around, explore. That's a blast for like an hour and a half. And then you're like, wow, I've got eight hours to go. Imagine if I were driving. I would love that drive. How long would it take you to drive there? It would take, from here to Tucson, it would take... Six? Yeah. About seven hours. Seven, eight hours. I'd fly. I'd fly. It's like 45 minutes. Fly home. Do the train. It's an experience. Too late. Yeah, I mean, I think the experience is going to be fantastic. Okay. I support you. I'll be completely honest when I come back. I'll tell you the truth if I thought it was a turd.
But I really think I'm going to dig it. It'll be good for you. You're going alone? Yeah. It'll be good for you. Yeah, I sit and I figured I catch up on my iPad, okay? Then, when I'm done with that, then I go to the lounge car and I've already, of course, looked at the menu. Oh, of course. Figured that much. Is there a gym car on there? A gym car. Workout? There's not. Have you ever heard of that, Jay? There's no gym car on the train. Oddly enough. I will eat, sleep, look out that window. How's this any different than Tuesday or Wednesday? Thursday or Friday? It's just your living room on the train tracks. So you figured out a way, Fatty. Take your everyday life on rails? Is that right? You're unbelievable. The lengths you'd go to.
exercise. Mike, you've come up with a lot of excuses to get out of work night with Wendy. But Amtrak is just over the line. Well, I'll be. I want this guy on my side. This guy's a thinker. So, yeah. It'll be good for you. You think you'll make any friends? No. I bet he'll strike up some conversation in the dining area. I bet he will not. When you see the... The kind of people that take the Amtrak train to Tucson? Who takes it? I don't even know. You'll be in your bunk with the door shut. I have no idea. I've never done it. People that can't fly. No offense. No. People that are afraid of flying. Yeah, but you and John Madden. Madden used to take it. It's cheaper, too. Slightly. Not really. It's much more. It's much more expensive. Oh, if you have your own room. Yeah. Much more. Do it, Mike. You'll like it. I thought I would. You may. I think L.O.B. would be like, Mike, you're going to love it. I think I would really like it. I think I would really like One Way, not The Way Back. You're not Jack Kerouac, but it's okay. Guess what time it rolls into Tucson? 1230 a.m. Oh, no. Oh, no. I thought you were going to be looking out the window. It's going to be dark. No, because it leaves L.A. at 3. So I'll have four hours of, you know. Window time. Window time. Plus from here to L.A.? It's going to be a long day.
Could have flown to Fiji. There's a time change. One hour time change. Every single person I've talked to that's done the train says I'll love it. Okay. All right. Do it. I'm going to. Oh, he's done it. He's doing it. Good. Let's see. M1 Elizabeth is on the line from Antonita's High. What's going on? I took the train to San Francisco and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There you go. Perfect. It was a decent time because there was this... really drunk old lady sitting next to me and just telling her life story. Right. So, if you're into that, then... He has his own room. It's fun. I have a room. I have a room. Yeah. Well, yeah, that'll be okay because it's kind of like, oh, no, is my stuff going to get stolen if I get up and walk around? Oh, gosh. You know, is it going to be there when I come back? Oh, wow. And it'll have more electronics in it than... an Apple store. Yeah, it's nice because it has, you know, an outlet for you to plug your stuff into, but... If a weirdo's talking to me, why don't I just get up and go somewhere else? Is there a locker room? Excuse me, I gotta not be here right now. Yeah, that would be a little uncomfortable if I got up and changed seats and then she got up to go to the bathroom and saw that I'd merely changed seats. Yeah, I just saw you, like, hanging out talking to someone else. Oh, yeah, that would be bad. Yeah, but it was really uncomfortable and...
I don't know. The scenery wasn't that great. There's a lot of just dead box cars along the side of the track. All right. Well, happy birthday to me, and thanks for the encouragement, Elizabeth, from Encinitas. Thank you. Really nice. It really is his birthday, too. It really is his birthday. I'm sure it'll be different for you. Yeah. Woods and I had a manly day out yesterday. Yep. Petties? To eat? Manly? Did we go to the hardware store? Yes, we ate. We did eat. Surprise. McDonald's? Nope. Cheesecake? Nope. Different hamburger place. Hamburger is just the same. Did you guys grill? It was Memorial Day. Did you do it yourself? Obviously. Yeah, but that was a manly day. Grill Masters 101? No, we went to the counter, which is a hamburger place. And then after that, we decided that we would go to Bed Bath & Beyond. Nice little Sunday.
Monday. He is a good friend and a lover. Stop it. That's not me. That's taken out of context. It's a recorded clip. Yeah. Don't look at me, Mike. Where else did we go? We went to Sir La Table of Cook's Paradise. Oh, my God. Yeah. Tried a homemade soda. The new hot thing. Homemade soda. Just a couple queens just hanging out. A couple gals out in town. Trying homemade root beer? Staying on the latest trends for the show? Tried some 10-year-old balsamic? What, Sienna? Tried some balsamic. It was good. It was a tart. Don't. It hurts to look at you. I can't look at you. Stretch and slide. You guys have a problem. Yeah, you do. I was just along for the ride. I didn't need anything at either place, but I wanted to see. I wanted to crawl inside.
That mind. And I got to watch. Watching Mike at Sir La Table was like watching me at Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake! In my element. It was his classic. He was teaching me about stuff. Did you hold hands while you did it? No, we didn't hold hands. Pinkies. I put my hand in his back pocket. He put his hand in my back pocket. But other than that, it was completely normal. And a gal that we know saw us at Bed Bath & Beyond, which was great. How many times did you guys use a bathroom together? None. No? No bathroom break. Plus, that would be weird. That would be weird. Gay. That would be like work. You don't act like you're at work. Just when I think it can't get any worse, it does. I had to get some things. That's the deal. I had fun. It was fun. To Wood's defense. We had fun. I had to get some stuff. Good time. Poked around. Whoa, easy. Sounds like the Real Housewives of Orange County. The Real Housewives of Encinitas. I want to tell you about Sienna and her experience over the weekend, so we'll get to that. We got so much stuff. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. I haven't told you the horse herpes story either, and I want to. Can't use that word on the radio, Mike.
Promiscuous horses. I know. They don't make condoms in horse size. No. Hey, this is sad. Jeff Conway, we remember him as Knicky in Grease. Hey, you got something? Are you kidding? My 25-cent insurance policy. Big spender. Is this the clip Jay got me? It broke. How could it break? I bought it when I was in the seventh grade. Thanks, Jay. Anyway, poor Knicky has left the building. Jeff Conway dies at 60. There is something pediatricians have just come out and said, your kids should not have this. And we'll tell you what it is next.
It's sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low bolts. You can't buy tickets, but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. Everybody likes to see a clean car or truck.
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Protecting people, not profits. Just walk into one of over 20 Mission Fed branches right here in San Diego or go to missionfed.com. Mission Federal Credit Union. Financial health for life. All accounts and loans are subject to approval. Mission Fed is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration. Mission Federal Credit Union. Your success is our bottom line. Grubby's is proud to be a sponsor for this year's Independence Jam Coastal Invasion. While you're at the concert, make sure to stop by the Grubby's booth and experience the best burgers in North County. You buy Allstate tornadoes, wildfires, ice storms. No matter what happens, Allstate is there to protect customers. You're in good hands with Allstate. And to need us on the 5 northbound before Manchester Avenue disabled car, they are clearing that from lanes. Also on the southbound side of the 5 before Manchester, there's another stalled out car in the middle of lanes. Another stalled out car here in Escondido on the 15 northbound Del Lago Boulevard. It's in the carpool lane. And then you've got some congestion on the 905 westbound. Expect slowing from the 805 to Picador Boulevard. Eastbound 905 slow from Picador to Otay Mesa. This report, it's also brought to you by 99 Cents Only.
Only stores get ready to have fun in the sun with 99 cents. Only stores pick up bright colored inflatable surfers, pool noodles, swim rings and arm floaties for only 99.99 cents each. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey show with Mikey. I get along better. with women than I do with men. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. Sienna. I'm an expert golfer. I bet. And Jay. If it's broken, there's a 99% chance that I can fix it. On FM 94.9. Sugar. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, the debate continues on whether the seals should be staying at the children's pool in La Jolla. A judge is expected to decide whether they're going to be staying there and it's become a heated. heated debate for like, oh boy. Wow, Jay. Wow. One side are residents and other people that are trying to kick these seals out of the beach because a wall was built in the 1930s to protect children from the big waves. Now, since then, seals have kind of lingered around. They're pooped in the water, which was the initial reason why the seals were given the beach because of the contamination. But others want the seals gone so that the kids can play. But then there's the, you know, seals activists.
I think that they should be able to have their pupping season there and have their babies lie on the beach and whatever. Not at all. I want them gone. That's my beat. Hey, I agree. I agree with you, Sienna. Yeah, it's frustrating. I just have to talk about it. I get mad. Anyway, several Chula Vista residents woke up this morning, yesterday morning, I'm thinking it's Monday, yesterday morning to sheep running around Eastlake. There was seven sheep just running around. Woods, was that your sheep? That's the best I got. I think he was clearing his throat. Leave me be. Yes, the San Diego Humane Society came and picked them up and took them to Kambool to be held until owners claim that. That's badass. That's the best I got. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the NBA Finals starts tonight. It's the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat. It will go down in South Beach tonight. Wow. Second Finals appearance for both teams. They met in 2006 and the Heat.
We're down 2-0, came back and won. So it should be pretty interesting. I know I'm going to check it out. And this was pretty interesting over the weekend in the Coca-Cola 600 NASCAR race. Jimmy Johnson got knocked out of the race, and his crew chief, Chad Knauss, was none too pleased. Here he is on live television. That's the only way they can tell when they're running out. He's been told if the engine stops, get in. Blowing up is Jimmy Johnson. Oh, wow. Caution, and we apologize for Chad Knauss' language. Over the radio to Jimmy Johnson. Johnson had just cracked the top ten. All of Johnson's fans can share Chad's frustration. Oh, man, that ain't good. That ain't good. Live television. They're like, well, since that just happened, let's take this opportunity to crank it up. That's where we allow just the audio of the race to come through. Oh, wow. Just F-bomb on national TV. Oh, man. He just said F. Hey, first time. That ain't good. That ain't good. Wow. That's brilliant. So there it is. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Today I'm 41. That's Woodsy. That's Woods. Steve Woods. He's 35. You're fat.
He's our sports guy. You are the funniest scene in any movie, Woods. When Jay just played that clip, Woods got exasperated and threw his pen up in the air. And it's one of those permanent ink pens and it came down and made a big gash across his belly. Big belly. The gash is little. The belly is big. Mikey. It just looks bigger because of his size. It's like a rearview mirror. Objects. The opposite. Yeah, it's like objects are smaller, but they're bigger because of the belly. Well, get you a rearview mirror to walk around with. That's L.O.B. She is 30 years of age. She's the blondie. The girl over here with the auburn hair, that's Sienna. She's 26.
She's wearing a sweater right now and doing that thing that girls do where they take the end of the sweater and they pull it over their whole hand. Yep. You know what I mean? I always do. Girl bit. Guys can't do that. We can't. If a guy wore a sweater and we were to take the end of the sweater where our sleeve is and pull it over our hands to stay warm, people would think that looks so unusual. It's a safety hazard. You would never see Jean-Claude Van Damme with the sleeves. No, I don't know that you would. You'd never see Chuck Norris do it, that's for sure. Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal wouldn't do it. I thought it was Seagal. I've been calling him Steven Seagal. Jay's our producer, he's 47, and screening phones today for us is Chris. It's Chris! Pediatricians are warning parents and saying that you shouldn't be giving your kids what, Sienna? Energy drinks. It's the American Academy of Pediatrics. And they are warning all parents saying that these energy drinks like Red Bull, Monster, they contain caffeine, which surprisingly some parents don't know, and often herbal supplements. And they say they have no place in the diet of children and adolescents. A lot of parents apparently think these kinds of energy drinks are just like Gatorade.
They do? Yes. No. These pediatricians are like, look, there's a difference. Gatorade is okay. It doesn't contain caffeine. It does have sugar. Call me. 570-1949. I promise this is the safe tree. Call me if you thought energy drinks were like Gatorade. I'm like, no way. Well, caffeine's just like water, right? I mean, there's nothing wrong. Well, I mean, you know Gatorade. I think it says like an energy drinker gives you energy if you're playing sports and stuff like that. So maybe they're like, oh, well, Gatorade's okay. They serve it on the softball team. It's like crack, man. That stuff's supposed to give you a jolt. It's so bad. You know, it's supposed to give you a jolt. Yeah, I stopped drinking energy drinks. They made me tired after a while. 570-1949. Mikey Show, who's this? What's up, dude? Oh, my gosh. So it's like a thing. Like, they think it's a good idea. No, this is Mikey. Not too much.
I love you guys, man. I was on here the other day, dude. You guys make my day better every single morning. Thank you, brother. What do you do? I clean windows, man. Nice. Hey, have you ever cleaned the windows by our building? Because we see these dudes out there, and they're M1s. We know it. What's up, Mikey? No, it's not us, man. I would love to do your building. That'd be cool. That'd be cool. All right, dude. Well, tell your partner we said hi. All right, brother. See you. 570-1949. Mikey Show, hello. I wanted to make the argument that not only are these energy drinks terrible for you, Gatorade is just as bad for you as energy drinks. Why? Because Gatorade has a ton, ton of high fructose corn syrup in it. And people don't realize when you have too much fructose in your body, it gets processed like alcohol in your liver. And that is just... Just as bad. You ever give a little kid too much candy and like the next day they're kind of hung over? Yeah. Because they're all dehydrated from the sugar? Right. We just train our bodies to be able to handle that over the years. Like an alcoholic trains their body to handle a lot of alcohol. Energy drinks and Gatorade are just as bad for them. So if you want to hydrate a kid, the best thing to do is give them water. Water. Or coconut water. The only thing Gatorade could possibly be good for,
is that when your body tastes sugar on the tongue, it's a relaxing agent. So, like, when a lot of kids play sports nowadays, coaches are having them, like, swish Gatorade in their mouth, then spit it out, start drinking water. That's why Woods is so relaxed. Clearly. You've got so much sugar on the tongue, don't you there? I pound Gatorades. Like, I kill three or four Gatorades a game. Gatorade is salt water. It is nothing but sugary salt water. Delicious. In fact, they put high fructose corn syrup to cover the salty taste. Hey, dude, but I thought that back in the day, the guy that came up with it came up with it to actually put stuff back in your body that your body needs. Yeah, well, there's a difference between how they put sugar into things 30 years ago versus how they put sugar into things now. More process now. Oh, it's insane. Yeah, but it says it replenishes vital nutrients and energy. Yeah, yeah. You know how much of those vital nutrients you actually need to replenish all the time? Guess you don't. Not a terrible amount. If you're eating a good diet, you'll be okay. What if you're not? What if you're not? Yeah. What then? What about then? What if you're a fatty? What if you're fat? Like me.
Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday. This formula was created for people who were doing it. Like, a lot of triathletes will take salt packets. Yeah. And just, like, while they're working out, just take a salt packet. Because your muscles do need salt. But this isn't... I had half of this yesterday. I brought this Gatorade in. I never drink Gatorade. I was up for three hours last night in my bed. And now I'm like, I wonder if it was this. Wow. You're training? Wow. No, I was hungover. That was so sweet. I was hungover. No, I was hungover. It was so innocent and so... It's true. No, Jay. I was just hungover. Little angel. Yeah. I was out the night before just throwing them down. Dancing on tables. I was out the day before. I was...
twirling my bra over my head. I have a burning in my loins right now. Oh, Lauren. That's too far. You don't have to say that. Longer than it's ever been. Oh, for goodness sake, Howard Stern. Really? Beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop. You're not going to do it. You're not going to. Oh, babe. Can I actually tell you what happened? It's really funny. So, I went. Matt had a gig Sunday afternoon and Sienna came out there and Woods joined him. And I had like a couple, I had mojitos and Bloody Mary. And then we went back to his house like four in the afternoon and I had a headache. So I was like, can I have some aspirin? He gave me melatonin instead by accident. Isn't that to make you go to sleep? Yes. And we were hanging out with another. Is he trying to date rape you? Your boyfriend trying to date rape you? I guess he had taken it traveling somewhere, so he had everything combined, and he gave me just two white tablets, thought it was aspirin. He's like, babe, I gave you my roofies instead. We were hanging out, and I just... That's awesome. I came too, and I was like, where did everyone go? You had like four drinks and two melatonin, and you're like...
It's the same as heroin. Maybe don't give your girlfriend melatonin after she's had mojitos and Bloody Marys. I said to him, I go, did you give me some sort of nighttime medicine? He goes, oh, maybe I gave you melatonin instead of aspirin. Incredible. Oh, boy, Matt. Don't mix them in the same container. They're both white with no markings on them. Yeah, well, I'll make sure I mark my melatonin. Yes, as you should. Sienna, tell me about the horse herpes outbreak. Well, it's becoming a problem. And just so you know, horse herpes is not sexually transmitted. It is not considered a danger for humans, but it is really contagious among horses and other animals. Now, it can spread by direct horse-to-horse content. Gross. It can also spread through the air and through contaminated equipment, clothing, and hands. But wait, Sienna, it's not sexually transmitted? No.
Are horses sword fighting or what? How do they train you? I don't know. I'm not a horse. Aren't you, in fact, a horse expert? Are you a horse expert, though? You're a horse whisperer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and you have your degree in horse psychology. Horse anatomy. We didn't study during that course. We didn't study herpes on the horse. You didn't? No. That's when you get your doctorate. Yeah, exactly. It's been a recent epidemic, the herpes. Well, there was... What are they? Kissing? Is that how they do it? Oh, it's like mouth hurts. Maybe it's not rubbing against each other. Eating together. Sword fights. Eating together. That makes sense. The Davis County Sheriff's Junior Queen Contest. I like you. I play second. I was third. It was on Thursday. And the girls that are normally competing on horses. This is Charles Nelson Reilly. Listen to how ridiculous it is. They're normally, you know, on horses competing, these girls. But they were asked just to be safe because of the herpes outbreak to actually ride stick ponies. Come on, Sienna. You can't make up news stories. Just to be funny. You can't make up stuff. It says the headline, horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies.
Great. We have to ride stick. Oh, fabulous. It's a stick with a horse head on it. It's a stick with a horse head on it. It's so stupid. They said that girls needed to get creative. Get creative on a freaking stick horse. And if it isn't transmitted to humans, then why? And they are wearing pants. What difference does it make? Plus a saddle. It can be spread through the air, contaminated equipment. Imagine you go to see your daughter in a rodeo, which automatically that sucks. Number two, she's on a stick horse. Whoa, this one's out of control. You're sitting in the stands going, oh my God. I'm missing the Indy 500 for this. That had to be more entertaining. Oh, it's fantastic. One of these spokespersons of the committee said, instead of using horses, we are testing the girls' knowledge and ability to adapt. Adapt. Just call off the rodeo, dumb-dumb. All these horses have herpes. We're not going to do this thing today. Sorry, guys. I got an idea. Some people might not know the difference if it's just a pony head on a stick. Put it on a stick.
Give us my voice. Sorry, guys. We have an announcement to make. The horses have herpes, and so I know everybody came here today to see a rodeo. What? I'm sorry. Herpes? But we're going to have to send everybody home. We had an alternative. We were going to have the girls all come out and ride on stupid broomsticks with horses' heads on the end of it, but we realized that's moronic, so we're not. Can I get my dollar back? Yes, sir, you could have your dollar. You could have your dollar back. Baby, what are you making out with them horses? Nah, I didn't touch them. I used Prima. Listen, let's all just not make a bigger deal out of this than we need to, okay? I think I got herpes, too. I want my daughter back. Baby, I didn't... Hey, I wasn't doing nothing with nobody. I was at the rodeo. How come me, you M.M. horses all have herpes? I was at the rodeo, baby. I wasn't doing nothing. You're at the rodeo. I wasn't going out on you. Maybe some of those pony girls have herpes, too. I ain't got any love but you, baby. She's got a little stickus right on her lip. Stickus. She's got a big old herpe thing right there. I think that's a chillidog, actually. Turns out it's a chillidog. 570.
1-94-9. M1 Get Sticker Maker from IB says, nope, we got it wrong. Go ahead, IB Get Sticker Maker. Sorry. What's up, Mikey? How are you guys doing? Good. Stick ponies. You guys have the wrong impression on that. What is it? Well, what it is is that all the horses at that show, they kept the trainers off of those horses, but they're personal horses that have already been tested. They rode those. Those are called stick ponies? I have a picture of exactly what we were talking about. They were using broomsticks with ponies' heads. Yeah, there's a picture of it. They ride another horse and they carry a stick. And these horses, they show their horses with a stick. But get Sticker Maker. Yeah. We're actually looking at a photograph. Look at the picture. It says the only horses ridden are in this bucket. Yeah, we're actually looking at a photograph of broomsticks with horse heads on them. What the heck would they do that for? I don't know. That's what we're talking about. Teaching them to adapt. I'll tell you why they didn't get sticker maker. Because they want to ruin every queen parade. That's why. Every year. It's harder and harder to put on. It's getting to the point where it's getting hard. It's not even worth my time anymore. And I got to look myself in the mirror every single day. You can do this. You are beautiful. I have to go, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful. I can do this. I can stick pony or not. You know what? I don't care if it's stick pony. I'm going to ride that SOB. I'm going to ride it real good. It just doesn't matter. And I'm going to do the stick pony. And I'm going to ride the stick pony. Yeah. Well, let's play the gas price is right. What do you say, ladies and gentlemen? Medium price of gas in San Diego. $4.25. Now, we need two players, and what we're going to do is we're going to give you some items, and you have to tell us whether or not these items are more or less than $4.25. All right? 570-1949. And what's the prize, Jay? It's the new Beastie Boys CD, Hot Sauce Committee Part 2. There we go.
You want to win Hot Sauce Committee Part 2, call us 570-1949. This is M1 Lupe from Carlsbad. How are you, Lupe? I'm doing great. How about yourself? Pretty good. Okay, so I'm going to give you the item. You've got to tell me whether it's more or less than $4.25. The gas price is right. And your first item is Advil Ibuprofen Liquid Gel Caps 20 count. Is that more or less than $4.25? More. Very good. Nice. You got it. That's correct. Next, paste salsa, thick and chunky hot sauce, 16 ounces. Is that more or less than $4.25? More. It's actually less. It's $3.79. What about degree intense sport deodorant stick, three ounces? Less. That's correct. $3.29. You only need to get one more right, and you are a winner of that Beastie Boys CD.
Next item is Johnson & Johnson Band-Aid Extra Large Plastic Bandages. We're talking about a 10 count. Is that more or less than $4.25? Less. Wow. That's correct. You are a winner. Winner. $3.51. Congratulations, Lupe from Carlsbad. Hang on the line. Next up, M1 Rick from Escondido. Are you ready to play? I am ready. All right. Medium price of gas here in San Diego County is $4.25. You got to tell me whether these items are more or less than $4.25. Sounds good. Clear Eyes, Triple Action Relief, 0.5 fluid ounces. Less. It's actually more, $5.49. Next up, a priority beef-based knotted dog bone. Let's go more. That's right. Wow.
$5.29 for that puppy. No pun. How about one box of Kellogg's Pop-Tarts Frosted Strawberry? Less. That's correct. Very confident. $3.19. Sounds like you knew that that was less. I have kids, yeah. Medium price of gas, $4.25 in San Diego. What about Jack Link's Sweet and Hot Beef Jerky? More. Wow. They're hot today. $5.49. Two winners. Hang on a second. M1 Rick from Escondido. Thank you. Very well done. Hold the gas. Price is right. Let's see. You will never guess what Paris Hilton has decided to do because she can't go out and party the way she used to. How do you party if you can't get busted for another DUI? What do you do? So you got this new house. What's your favorite room in the house? Do you have a favorite room? I actually built a nightclub in my house, and that's my favorite room. All right, you built a nightclub in your house. Now, see that? Why? Because it's so much effort to go to the nightclub from your house, so you just... Yeah, when you got a couple DUIs on you, yeah, it actually is. So you actually have a nightclub in your house. How do you get people to leave? That's got to be the hard part with a nightclub. How do they know when the party's over? Security says time to leave. Security. Guys in the yellow shirts, Jay, duh. This is what I thought was interesting.
I thought part of the allure for a young person to want to go to a nightclub is that there's also people that you don't know. Yeah. And that's kind of part of it. Like, yeah, you go there with your peeps. But I thought part of it was like people that you don't like. Isn't part of it people watching and good looking people watching? Not for her. No? She doesn't. She's probably done. Done that. Meeting people. that's outside of her sphere of influence. She doesn't want to see all the regular people staring at her. She feels more comfortable with her friends there, just doing drugs and drinking. I think she also wants to be looked at, though, by strangers and stuff like that. They probably have to bring three new people or something. Paris, isn't it that you just like to dance to? I just like to get it on, basically, on the dance floor. And if you're at your house, you're allowed to do whatever you want. I like to be looked at. She switches from baby voice to smart voice. But I didn't think about getting your car or anything like that. See how she did that? She's able to switch right in the middle of a sentence from both. I don't go out as much anymore, so I just like to invite friends over. You don't have TMZ waiting outside. It's just private and nice. I was watching your show, and it's like these...
Photographer people follow you all the time, don't they? I mean, sometimes it must be fun, but other times it must be annoying. It is annoying. So you have this, and how many people can you fit in the nightclub in your house? What's the most you've had in there? A couple hundred. A couple of hundred people? Yeah. I've had Hugh Hefner in there at the girls on the strip pool. He loves my house parties. You have to come to the next one. You know, I would love to have you. Well, we have sex. It's so hot, though. So hot. Imagine having a nightclub in your house that can hold a couple of hundred people. Wait till I tell you what a Taiwanese girl had more than 30 of in her ears. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9. It's sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii.
And performing wherever he can plug in. Low bolts. You can't buy tickets, but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubbies and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. Whether you're biking. Hiking, camping, or traveling up the coast this Memorial Day weekend, all the action begins at your local Jeep dealer during the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. As we honor our country, you can celebrate our 70th anniversary with exceptional offers on our 2011 Jeep lineup, like the high-tech and luxurious Jeep Grand Cherokee and genetically engineered for greatness Jeep Compass. Plus, take advantage of the limited-time offers on the EPA-estimated 29 highway mile per gallon Jeep Patriot and the unstoppable Jeep Wrangler. So before you head out, stop by the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. It's where the action starts. Now lease the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x4 for $3.56 a month for 39 months with $24.99 due at least signing for well-qualified lassees. Tax, title, and license extra. EPA estimates based on a 4x2 model. Call 1-888-925-Jeep for lease details. Offer requires a dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residency restriction supply. Take delivery by 531. Jeep is a registered trademark of Chrysler Group, LLC.
HalfPriceSanDiego.com brings you great deals every week to local area restaurants, spas, golf, retail, and more. Sign up for free now at HalfPriceSanDiego.com. Looking for rock-bottom prices on a huge selection of pottery, planters, vases, and fountains? Canyon Pottery's having its biggest blowout sale ever. Everything's at least 40% off retail, and many items have double markdowns for even bigger savings. Visit Canyon Pottery in the Terracotta building on Arrow Drive in Kearney Mesa. And this week at HalfPriceSanDiego.com, we have an amazing half-price deal to the Ryan Thomas Hair Studio. From avant-garde to classic, the stylists of Ryan Thomas Hair Studio create the latest styles with artful precision. Their creative team is at the forefront of innovation both technically and artistically, providing clients with gorgeous color and chic cuts in the luxurious comfort of their custom-designed studio in Encinitas. Go to RyanThomasHairStudio.com and see why they were voted Best Salon by San Diego Magazine. Our members save money all the time, and you can too at HalfPriceSanDiego.com. If I told you my grandma used to give me mother's cookies, I'd be lying. She didn't exactly give them to me. She was far craftier than that, which is why I loved her. She had this whole method. She'd plant some circus animal cookies on her dresser, and then she'd send me on a decoy mission to go get something for my quote-unquote forgetful old grandmother. Then, to distract mom, she'd create a diversion.
To buy me some thyme, she'd really milk it, too. So I could pop the cookies in my mouth and quietly let the pink frosting dissolve on my tongue. It was all kind of genius, or at least I thought it was, until my mom became a grandma herself. A crafty grandma. That's when I realized that mom was in on it all along. Now, so am I. And my daughter thinks the whole thing is just awesome. Mother's cookies. There's a memory. You want out. You're headed for a divorce. But before you head for an attorney, think about calling a fairway mediation. First, it costs less, considerably less. And it's not about two lawyers fighting tooth and nail over what used to be your marriage. It's you and her figuring out what's best for both of you. It accomplishes what you want, but it's a lot less painful for everyone involved. Call a fairway mediation at 619-702-9174 or online at afairway.com.
Save money, your sanity, and some decency in your divorce. Use a fairway mediation. It's time to race to the county fair. The San Diego County Fair opens next week, and there are lots of ways to save. Buy your passport to savings book full of discounts, deals, and two-for-ones for just $5 at the fair box office and enter to win a trip to Alberta, Canada. Visit sdfair.com for details. More smiles to the mile at the San Diego County Fair. Presented by Albertson Savon. If you're looking for pure summer enjoyment, head to Albertson's. Their fresh produce is picked at the peak of flavor, then rush to the store for superior taste. Just add grilling favorites and bakery fresh buns, and you have everything you need to put together your get-togethers. Fresh summertime fun. You'll find it at Albertson's. Get ready to have fun in the sun with 99 cents only stores. Pick up bright-colored inflatable surfers, pool noodles, swim rings, and arm floats for only 99.99 cents each.
This report brought to you by the 99 cents only stores. Create your emergency kit on a budget at 99 cents only stores. Pick up flashlights, batteries, crystal geyser water, gallons. all for just 99.99 cents each. Heading on the freeways this morning, starting to get a little busy. We got a lot of slowing on the 15 northbound Del Lago Boulevard, a disabled car in the carpool lane. Looks like some congestion on the 5 southbound before Manchester Avenue due to an animal that got hit. In Palomar Road at Morro Road, we've got people in the middle of the roadway there. Encinitas, the 5 southbound before Lucadia Boulevard, an accident on the left shoulder, has you backed up to Poinsettia Lane. report also brought to you by mcdonald's 42 ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents a mcdonald's for a limited time choose from a variety of icy cold drinks now many mcdonald's are open 24 hours i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 it's time for the fm 94.9 authentic surf report bird surf shed with the fm 94.9 authentic surf report for a tuesday morning today brought to you by super brand surfboards and tonight two shows only at bird surf shed
The premiere of Superbrands, a brand new video. Sorry, we're open. 7.30 show, 8.30 show. First time to get in for free and bring a pillow or a chair. Not to be missed. Surf-wise today, looking kind of fun as that west-northwest wind swell does drop out. We do have some new southwest release swell starting the show and expected to fill in more throughout the day. We're dealing with a negative low tide since past but still having its effect on size and shape at all areas. That size and shape is running in that waist-to-chest-eye zone on average, but those top, south-facing areas can see ways in the chest-to-shoulder-high-plus range with some head-high-plus ways at the top open spots. We do expect that to improve some in terms of shape and even a bit more size throughout the day as that swell fills in along with the tide. Right now, mostly clear skies, a couple high clouds, and light and variable winds primarily out of the north. Some spots kind of offshore. Other spots have a little slideshore north texture. So you have to pick your areas. And as the tide fills in, probably get some waves. I don't know, just about anywhere. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfblind.com. And again, tonight, two shows, 730, 830. Superbrand's new world premiere of Sorry, We're Open at Bird Surfshed. See you then. The Authentic Surf Report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report.
Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. If being nude at your home is a nudist, I'm a nudist. Lauren. I did a lot of reading last night. Weird. Woods. I am the grill master. I can grill anything. Sienna. I'm not the neatest person in my house. Todd's definitely more neat than I am, but I wouldn't say I'm a slob. And Jay. I'll come over and help you cut a trench of concrete. On FM 94.9. Birthday some playing Starfield. Yo, happy birthday. We're going to tell you what a Taiwanese girl had in her ears. So we are also going to be playing Pick a Scene at 8. We have two baskets, okay? So we will reach into the basket. We'll pull two names of us here on the Mikey Show. Then we'll pull from another basket, we'll pull a scene from a movie. And then on Friday, we have to do the scene. Props, the whole thing. The whole bit. The whole bit. And so we'll do Pick a Scene at 8. The word of the day is cumpleaños.
I haven't said it yet, so when I do, call her nine, pair tickets to Indie Jam. And it's sold out, so that's a great prize. Okay, so what did this girl have in her ears, Sienna? Ants. Oh, gosh. Oh, that's sickening. A 16-year-old girl in Taiwan had more than 30 ants in her ears. The doctor said there was about six in her left ear and more than 20 in her right ear. Now, she said this is what she said. She likes eating snacks and clearing her ears when lying in bed. Now, how I interpret that is she eats snacks. So the ants get in the snacks. She lies in bed and like cleans their ears with a Q-tip or something. I guess. Like the girl said she always likes eating snacks and clearing her ears. Clearing your ears means that you hold your nose and blow. That's what I thought. But that doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense to me either.
So it sounds like it was lost in translation. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. But either way, the chick had 30 ants in her ears. That's disgusting. It is. How about this one? This story is very similar. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. I know. Sienna, this one's gonna get you. Okay. My wife, Rebecca's friend, Jamie, came into town and was staying with us over the weekend. And she... is an adventure person loves her and her boyfriend all they do is travel they're about to go to the philippines now when you go to the philippines you know if i went to the philippines i'd be looking for the nearest uh you know four seasons w hotel yeah i'd want to stay at the four seasons manila yeah manila they like to stay at places where you like dig your own hole to poop and pee
Seriously. Sounds like you and Rebecca. Oh, exactly. Like we're just a mirror image. You guys should go on a couple's retreat. Oh, my God. We could never vacation again. Never. But anyway, they really are able to see a lot of the world very inexpensively because they do that. But one of the things that she was telling us about was this trip. They really enjoy scuba diving, both of them. They've got their scuba license. But, you know, a lot of times what they like to do is cut corners. And so they don't take the real expensive expeditions. They take the real cheap expeditions. But, you see, they need to do an expedition because they can't just willy-nilly. That would be irresponsible, you see, to just go out by themselves scuba diving. So they hire somebody. Now it costs about 50 cents to hire someone to take them.
With the rented equipment and all. So they go out and they get into the water. And Jamie puts the regulator in her mouth. No, don't say it. Don't. And she begins to breathe. Oh, no. And suddenly, tens of twenties of little biters. Oh, my God, dude. Pouring out of the regulator because. No. Hadn't been used for a while and had been in a shed. All the little spiders were floating in the ocean. She had to use the same regulator. After they cleared it out, she had to use the same regulator. But when she got down to about 20 feet, all she could think about was the spiders. She wasn't sure that they were all gone. She started to have an anxiety attack. Tiny legs stuck into your teeth. No big deal.
My sister had one ant in her ear before. She said one ant coming in her ear sounded like there was someone going. She said it sounded like it was an ant beaning on the drum. Yeah. Yeah, it was like this. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So now she's terrified of ants. Well, you guys know what it's like when a bee is like right at your ear. And it sounds like the bee is 40 feet long. And instead of having wings. has, like, a jet-propelled, you know, engine. She woke up in the middle of the night with an ant in her ear. Oh, gosh. Stepping on her eardrum. Stepping? How do you get it out? Freak out. She freaked out and shook her head around and it was out, but now she's, like, problems sleeping. Because your ear's not, like, an air hole or, like, your nose where you can eject air out of it. Right. Put a little alcohol in there. Okay.
and the regulator is one of the weirdest. It's hideous. It's so gross. Do you know what they did? Tell me if you would, and I, listen, I'll tell you the story, and after the story, I will tell you that I asked her, why did you do that? And she said, I don't know. But they went to some crazy place near the, how do you pronounce it? Arpelagos? Archipelagos. Archipelagos. And they were on this little island, but there wasn't a lot to do there. And they really didn't want to stay there. They were planning on going to this little desolate island. But when they got to the archipelagos, they wouldn't let them go. They wouldn't let them fly there. They had all of their passports, all their paperwork, but they wouldn't let them fly there. And so they're like, this is great. Here we are at this stupid place. They don't like tourist stuff anyway.
And there wasn't even tourist stuff to do. So they were both really anxious. So they walk out onto the dirt road from this terrible little tiny hut of a travel agency. And a guy had overheard them. And he said in very broken English, do you want to fly to that island? And they looked at each other and they were like, yeah. And he goes, I can get you to the island. And they said, how? He said, give me $100 and your passports and I will get you there. L.O.B. just looked at me like, you're kidding me, right? So Jamie and her boyfriend's name is Christian. Jamie and Christian look at each other like, what do you think? I don't know, what do you think? I can tell you what I thought when she told me the story. I'm like, listen, you have to have the brain of a shaker weight to go.
Sure. No problem. But they did. They gave the guy $100 and their passports. And he said, meet me here tomorrow at 4 p.m. No way. The dude showed up. Ready to go. He showed up the next day at 4 o'clock. And they climbed into his car. His old, dilapidated, beat up, rusted out car. A complete stranger in the middle of nowhere. And they began driving with him into areas that they were completely unfamiliar. And he drove them to a little landing strip, which was the airport of this place. And he hands him two pieces of paper. And on the pieces of paper is something scribbled in archipelago language. It said IOU. Basically.
And he gave them their passports and he gave them the two pieces of paper. And they said, at this point, they're like, what is this? It's a couple pieces of paper with something scribbled on here. What do you think? Will you take us for a couple of idiots? At this point. At this point. Like, what do you think we are, idiots? The guy says, no, no, no. This is your tickets. So they take the two pieces of paper that he hand wrote on into this little airport and they hand it to the person. And the person looks at it. with a big giant smile and looks at them, two stamps, they get on the plane and fly to the stupid island. What the heck? Those pieces of paper worked as their ticket. Boarding pass. As their boarding pass. Yeah. 50 bucks each. Who knows what it was all about? And I said, so she tells a story and I go, what the hell made you do that? She goes, I don't know. I have no idea. She goes, we just believe the guy.
She goes, we would have never done that before or after. I would have never done it. No. I mean, I'm just flat out telling you, I don't care what kind of feeling I have about a guy. This guy could have angel's wings on the back of him. I ain't doing that. Anybody said to me, 50 bucks and give me your passports, he might as well be saying, your wallet or your life. Yeah. He might as well be holding me up. In my mind, that guy's a criminal. In your mind, it's, hey, you're going to take my passport and you're now Micah Sparza. Right. And you're buying like 50 pairs of Adidas online in two hours. Absolutely. That you're going to sell out of the back of a truck in the archipelagos. You know why you see all these people wearing t-shirts that say Dr. Pepper? Because the guy's like that. You see documentaries with people wearing t-shirts that say Dr. Pepper in the middle of Chile. Working in the coca fields. Working in the coca fields. You're like, how did they get to be a Michael Jordan fan? It worked. It worked. That's insane. Scribbled on piece of paper and they flew on a little cargo plane to this deserted island thing and, you know, pooped in a hole. I'm like... Just lived off the land real good? Yeah, like...
Oh, by the way, Jay, there's some show that she told me about that I'm sure you would be great for. They drop you out in the middle of nowhere and the goal of the show is get back to civilization. It's new, isn't it? Yeah, and Jay could do it. Oh, in a heartbeat. Trust me. Jay could do it. I'm going to need some time off. I mean, I believe that he could. I know for a fact he could do it. You do. It's true. Guy's a beast. Let's see. Let's do some of this. Call us if you want to ask Woods a question. Woods of Wisdom is guy-type stuff. Now, if you have a guy-related question, like anything that has to do with the guy's guy stuff, you know, sports or...
You know, even the dressing or any of that stuff. 570-1949. M1S&V wrote and said, Woods, I'm a 44-year-old dude and I'm getting wrinkles. Any advice? Botox. Really? Yeah. Fight it, dude. Yeah, yeah. Fight it like a madman. Botox. Botox it up. Nobody will know. You don't think I'm going to? What? I'm going to hit it real good. What's the matter with that, Jay? Oh, yeah. Just grow old gracefully. There's nothing graceful about me, my friend. So you're going to dye your hair, too? No, I'll do the shaved head bit, though. Wait, wait, wait. What's wrong with dyeing your hair? Well, unless it's done right, it doesn't look that great. What if you can't tell? If you can't tell, then cool. But I still think, for me, I kind of always thought the salt and pepper look was kind of rad. Yeah, me too. So I think if I was getting salt and pepper... I think I'd probably let it flow. That's just me. I would go gray because I like the gray. But if somebody has their hair dyed and I can't tell, what difference does it mean? Well, right. And it's the same with bald. If I start to go bald, I will be shaved head guy because I am too vain to be bald. Like with the circle. That's what I did. I can't do it. I can't do it. That's why I shaved my head. I didn't want to walk around looking like a creep. Yeah. I don't want to look like George Costanza. Well, I don't want to look like I drive a van.
Parked by school. It's true. But as far as the wrinkles go, dude. You look like Stifler's mom. You got to fight it. Yeah, that's fine by me. You got to fight it. Fight it with every ounce of your being. Yeah, Matt Lauer. Take a bit to it, bro. Matt Lauer's got the peach fuzz. I think it's good, though. Does it? Shave it up. Maybe shave it off. But yeah, the Botox. Take it. Get it. Make it right. Poison your face. It's all right. Can I give something on that one? Sure. They sell something called Selex C. What, L.O.B.? Not surprised you know that. Sienna's doing her best to not laugh. Selex C. Selex C. Groominglounge.com. You know how I know you're gay? Oh, really? Fine. All I'm telling you is the stuff works. It's a high-potency serum. Comes in an eyedropper. Five drops of high-potency Selex C. A day? A day.
On your face, directly on the skin? On the skin. Your skin looks good, dude. But I'm all woman. Listen, when I'm older, I want to look like I'm younger. I look like the Marlboro Man when I wake up in the morning, so I might... be investing in some C-Lex-C, then the Botox. Well, the C-Lex-C people have my DNA. That's right. As well. So that's just in a dropper. You know, it's my pee. Just another one. It should be called C-Lex-P because it's really mine. It's one man's trash. Another man's treasure. If you want, we cut out the middle man. Gross. All right, well, let's see. M1 Post Tom, is that your name? Post Tom? M1 Post. Poston from San Diego. What's going on? For about 11 months, we've been in a relationship. We went to high school together, great friends. And I love this girl to death. And we're about to hit our one-year anniversary. And my family's telling me to get out of the relationship while I can. And, I mean, I love this girl to death. And I don't know if I should follow my heart or if I should listen to my family. What's the problem? Do they not like her? Yeah, they don't really go. I mean, when we first got together, they loved her. And then, I guess...
They said once the sex hit, everything changed. Wait, once what? The sex hit? Yeah, like once we got intimate in the relationship, her whole attitude changed. Did you put a billboard up or did you take out an ad in the reader? How did your family know about the sex? My mom said my demeanor changed. Really? So suddenly you were like, just got some. Yeah, I guess so. I guess I, like, kicked down the door and put up a sign on my chest. Hang on. I have to investigate this. Sorry, Woods. That's all right. I have to investigate. How the hell did your... How... In order for you to say to us, my family felt that after the, you know, sex started happening, things changed. In order for you to even know that means that there had to have been a point where you went... Well, we've had sex. They know it. How did... Come on. We're missing something. You know, you have them 18. So we had the whole conversation about safe sex, protection, be safe. I don't want to have to go through anything with a whole pregnancy. And we had that whole talk. And so they basically knew... Did you have that talk with your mom? Yeah, my mom and my father. We've always been pretty open. Okay. And so she just wanted to make sure that I knew the rules.
The guidelines were, like, I couldn't have sex while they were at home or while anybody was at home. It should be a private act. That whole deal. And then they said once we... Sienna thinks that's sweet. He's... I just... No, I've been there. His parents are way too involved, but he's sweet because he lets them. Well, you guys, it's... Now that I know he's 18, and how old's your girlfriend? She is about to turn 18. About to turn 18. Right at our one month. Dude, I can see it. And I can see it's mommy's little boy is all grown up now and he's doing grown up stuff. And so now mommy's looking at Junior's girlfriend here going, oh, it's Poston. Looking at Poston's girlfriend going, you are a smelly pirate hooker. He's a little dirt McGirt. You're corrupting my boy. And she's not corrupting you, man. I mean, in my mind. I mean, you guys did what you did and that's... That's beside the point, but it's mom's judgment on her right now. I see no less than 100 things wrong with the whole thing because of where I shoot from. But I think that part of the reason that they might have a problem with it is because you're 18. And I would have a problem with my 18-year-old getting married too.
Getting married. Not getting married. No, no. It's just their one year anniversary. They just don't like her anymore. Oh, I thought you said you were getting married. Should I follow my heart? Or get out while I can. And I say, if you want my advice, I say you stay with her if you love her. Okay. Who cares what they think? Hey, Poston. Yeah. Can you stay on the line? Yeah. I want to ask some more. I want to dig in a little bit more. This is really a good one. Fascinating. We got a live one. Don't go anywhere. Don't go away. We'll be back. We'll talk to Poston and ask Poston some more questions. FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out tomorrow night at Soma, Cage the Elephant, and Manchester Orchestra. It's going to be a great show.
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A priority buyer pre-approval is not a commitment to lend. Please call for additional programs. Wells Fargo Home Mortgages, Division of Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC, equal housing lender. Chicken McNuggets foul! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Look, these aren't fries, Doug. These are McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. There are rules. You can't just grab them like that. Yeah, but you got 20 of them for $4.99. McNuggets rule number one. Always ask before taking one. Even though, yes, the 20 piece is now just $4.99. All right, note. Taken. Two, never ever double dip. But what if I... Flip the McNugget on its other side? Yeah. Yeah, that's acceptable. Well, that's a relief. But no crossovers. Dipping into barbecue sauce after sweet and sour will result in a major penalty. So, choose your sauce wisely. The simple joy of golden, crispy deliciousness. The irresistibly tender and juicy McDonald's 20-piece chicken McNuggets are now just $4.99 every day. Most Important Rule. One McNugget at a time. What was that last one? Price and participation may vary. McDonald's and SeaWorld give you the summer's best discount. All ages save $20 on a single day admission. Visit McDonald's today to get your exclusive SeaWorld coupon. Now many locations are open 24 hours. Participation varies. Mary Bergen's career spans both the land and the sea.
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You know, I don't care. I'm going anyway. Cue a rooftop pool. Cue the cuties. Cue a DJ. Any DJ. But not a French house music DJ. Cue the unintentional double backflip belly flop. Cue the sympathetic eyes from the pool full of cuties. Cue the other guys lining up to do a double backflip belly flop. Cue the drink that brings it all together. Cue the Cuervo. Jose Cuervo. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Imported and bottled by Huebline Norwalk Connecticut under license from the trademark owner. Miller Lite is proud to once again be presenting FM 94.9 Independence Jam Coastal Invasion at the Oceanside Pier on June 5th. Great beer, great responsibility. Triple hops brewed Miller Lite. Tastes greatness. Los Tacos is proud to be a sponsor for this year's Independence Jam Coastal Invasion. At the concert tour in North County, Los Tacos is the place to enjoy Mexican food with the freshest ingredients. Just one bite, and you'll be hooked.
This report brought to you by Brandman University, part of the Chapman University system. It's a non-profit school focused on working adults. Visit brandman.edu to learn more. Brandman University, do better. On the 15 southbound Rock Springs Road, those right two lanes are closed right now. You do have a backup to Country Club Lane. Stays pretty heavy to Felicita. Caltrans doing bridge repair. They're going to be there until about 1 o'clock. In Encinitas on the 5 southbound before Lucadia Boulevard, an accident. That left lane's blocked. You're backed up to Cannon. In the 94 westbound after 30th Street, a multi-vehicle crash. It's over on that right shoulder. It doesn't look like there's any major delays, but traffic is pretty slow up ahead as you approach the 5. This report brought to you by Check Into Cash. Check Into Cash offers title loans with the lowest rate guarantee. Switch to Check Into Cash. Visit CheckIntoCash.com for details. Loans made pursuant to a Department of Corporation's California Finance Lenders Law license. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego. The Lincoln Financial Radio Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. He sees the word wonderful. Again, I'm 40. It's okay. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Sienna. Yes, I have big boobs. And Jay. So what if I like to surf every day? On FM 94.9. All right, so we have Poston on the line. Let's see. Poston, are you there? Yeah, I'm still here. Okay, cool.
Let me update people on what's going on. You called in for Woods of Wisdom and I hijacked Woods. But basically the deal is he says, I'm 18 and I want to know if I should stay with my girlfriend or get out while the getting's good because my family doesn't care for her. And we started asking questions. We found out that it was after he started having sex that his family was out on this girl. And then as we investigated further, we found that. They had the talk with him and said, listen, if you're going to knock boots, you need to use protection. And so at that point, they knew that he was knocking boots. And he believes that the attitude changed at that point. And they didn't like the girl anymore. Now, are you saying that both mom and dad's attitude changed? Well, my family, a big house together. So it's me, father.
And my brother, his wife, and his... How long... How long have you two been going out? We've been dating for almost a year. Okay. Now, this is... The 18th will be a year. Okay. Now, this is where I suspect, and I could be completely off, but I suspect that there's more to the story of why they may not care for her. That maybe there's been something that... that she may have done that rubbed them the wrong way. Besides just you guys knocking boots. See, because my parents, they didn't like a girl that I was dating. And it was for a variety of reasons. She did a few things to get them riled up. And so I'm just wondering if there's maybe anything that you might remember that could have happened that turned them off about this girl. to think, and one thing that I do know is, well, I guess, like, she came off a little harsh one day, I guess. She had, like, a poor attitude. We had, like, gotten into an argument, and she was kind of, like, taking it out on everybody because she was in a bad mood, and it's happened a couple of times. What did that look like? What do you mean? Like, she basically shut herself off to everybody else and, like, wasn't very conversative, and basically gave everyone the cold shoulder.
And the death look at the same time. Yeah, moms and dads don't like that. She's over at their house, and she's being a little bee. Yeah, and so I had a conversation with her, and I let her have it, basically, and I told her what needed to happen. And she stopped coming over as much, and I think that also had something to do with it. Before, she was very outgoing. When we first started dating in the first couple of months, Very outgoing, like loved to hang out with my family. And then she said it became like a chore to be over there. I got a question. It was her in-law's house. I got a question. When you guys would get into fights and arguments, would you tell your mom and dad about the fights and arguments? Not necessarily. I wouldn't delve into them, but I would say they would ask how everything was going. And I said, that's all right. But I wouldn't actually like go in and give them the full story. Are you sure?
If it was a major fight, if it was really heated and I had to leave, or we needed separation, and my mom could see that I was upset, then I would talk to her. See, here's the toughest thing. This is a big lesson in life. Don't talk to the parents about the arguments and the fights. Because when you talk to the parents about the arguments and the fights, they are going to... They can't help it. They love you. Mama bear. They can't help it. They love you. And so they're going to see that person as kind of a schmuck. No matter what. The monster that hurt their baby. The monster that hurt their baby. And I don't blame them. If somebody, you know, listen. Inevitably, Lukey and Ryry and Jake are going to have girlfriends. And if one of those little hussies. I understand. I completely understand. Happens to hurt one of my boys.
I'm going to do my best to be like, you know, it's all good. But in the back of your mind, you're a dad. You can't help but, you know, Jay, have you ever had to go through the thing with your daughter? You've got daughters. Oh, man. Whether the boys hurt your girls and then you've got to just nut it up and be cool to them. Yes. Absolutely. You cannot say anything because if you show that you have any resentment towards them, all of a sudden they are doubly in. It's like they go after him even more because they're trying to show you how good it is. Right. So even when I could despise this kid, I was like, hey, you want to come with us to dinner? Oh, I want to kill the guy. Hey, now let me ask you this, Jay. As a dad that has grown up, you know, kids now. If you had it to do over again, would you tell your kids, listen, if you guys are fighting, don't. Tell me about it because I don't want to have a, would you do that? No, I like to know what's going on in their life. And I, and we tried not to judge, but we, we want to know because I mean, some crazy stuff goes on. I mean, there's their stuff. I mean, we, I feel like I was very fortunate with the way my kids have grown up, but some of the other kids out there and, and, and anytime you try to shut down any communication, it's just bad news. You want to know everything that's going on. Can't you see the mom and dad's perspective? Cause now.
after hearing and thinking about a little bit, I really can. Because they're like, listen, dude, you're 18. You're like in a serious, serious relationship. And we can only speak on our experiences and what we've been through. Remember your first girlfriend? Remember the one you fell in love with? Yeah. Dude, you thought it was the end of the world when it was over. And my dad was like, listen, you know how many girlfriends you got ahead of you? Do you know how many times you're going to fall in love? Do you know how many times this is going to happen to you? You can't get all spun out about this one. So you can see how his parents would be like, listen, man, there's drama already. You're only 18. Get out now. Now, I'm going to tell anybody that's young listening right now, because I remember what it was like when my dad told me that, because my dad told me that driving on a river road in Tucson. And I can tell you this. When he said it, I thought he was a jerk because he didn't get how much I loved this person. And all I'm going to tell you as you're listening right now is that I understand your hurt and your pain. But I want to tell you, dads are right. Yeah. Whether you're a girl or a guy. And most of the people listening right now, you're probably in your 30s or older or whatever. So you can relate to what I'm saying. But if you're a younger person, the reality of it is, and this should come to you as good news. Let this be good news.
Don't let this bum you out. As in love with this girl as you are, there's going to be... This is exactly the way my dad phrased it, by the way. My dad said, there will be three more. He gave it a number. Wow. My dad said, as in love with her as you are, there will be three more. You know, why he chose to say three, I have no idea. And there were, weren't there? Yeah. Yeah. It's freaking scary, man. It's creepy. Parents know, dude. You know what, man? Parents are, listen, your moms and your dads, as stupid as you think they are, and we all, when we're kids, we're like, you don't know. I love her. You don't know. You've never been in love. You don't even like mom. You know what, guys? You guys have been married forever, and all you do is fight. You don't even go out or anything ever. When's the last time you've, like, kissed?
You don't know what it's like. I love her. It's so true. Drama kings and drama queens. Big time. The truth is that our parents know. Because they've been there, man. They've been there. They've been there. They've run through those fires. Sienna. He also has his parents a little too involved, though. Because I don't want this kid going and breaking up with her now because of what you guys are saying. Live your life the way you want to. I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Yeah, good. But listen to your parents. I'm not going to make any harsh judgments. I just wanted to kind of get... Hey, they haven't told you to break up with her, have they? Mom kind of jokes about it, but she says, get out while the getting's good, like you said. She said, get out, because after a year, it's hard. Dude, it is hard. You got some time ahead of you, bro. I'm curious. When your mom says, get out while the getting's good, she has to be saying that in response to something. A mom doesn't just, out of nowhere, in the middle of the kitchen, go, hey, how was your day? By the way, get out while the getting's good. She just thinks he's too young. I know, but because What facilitated that comment? All the stuff that went down. I can truly delve all the way in and give you guys... I don't want that. I just want to know what got her to say to you, get out while the getting's good. There was an altercation. Well, not necessarily an altercation. It was a verbal altercation between her mother and my mother that basically... I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew there was more to this story.
Well, I told you. Well, they told me to keep it short and sweet, so I was trying to give you... No, well, listen, but if I say to you, you're leaving anything out, you might want to mention the moms yelling at each other. Wow. Holy Toledo. What were they yelling about? Well, she was... Her mom's an alcoholic, so she's kind of had a rough youth. Kind of went off the deep end one night and got a hold of my house phone number and said some things that... You can't take back. Well, what was she upset about? Briefly, make it quick. What was she upset about? There's something that happened in her mom. How come you can't tell me? He's nervous and he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend by saying that stuff. I don't know if it's appropriate for the air. You got caught? You had sex. You got caught having sex. Not necessarily caught having sex. Doing other stuff. No.
Her mom was mad because you're 18. You slept with her mom. Drugs? Photos. No, no, no. I'll fully tell you. We slipped up and we had to get an abortion. And the mom knew? The mom actually, she found out and she had to spot me the cash because I couldn't afford it paying for school. Her mom? Her mom paid. Her mom paid for that? Yeah. And so then her mom got angry and called your mom? And, yeah, started to insult my mother on how she was a bad parent. And so... Forgetting that it takes two to have sex. Exactly. And that's kind of... My mom... I think the main reason is because there was a lot of drama within this year, which is why she's telling me to leave.
Yeah, it sounds like there's an awful lot to it. See, it's starting to make a lot, it's becoming more clear. Fascinating to me because I'm fascinated by people. Well, let's see. You're going to hear a couple of seconds of dead air because I'm going to think, okay? Hang on, bro. You're ruining my think. Don't say anything. Hang on. I think you should move on. I think you should move on. But I'm saying that because I'm not in this relationship, and you are. Okay? I will tell you this. Wisdom says move on. Your heart will say stay. And you can decide. So we're a wiener. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so basically, you know, you have – there is a wise choice or there is a heart choice. And we've all made heart choices. I can't fault you for making a heart choice. You know, if you decide to make a heart choice and stay with her, that's – you know, that's – I just say don't buy the first cow.
Yeah, and he won't no matter what. I mean, let me explain to you. I'm going to give you a real tough one here, Poston. Are you prepared? Yeah, I'm here. Here's the reality of life. Unless your name is Goldie Hawn, you either break up or get married. Okay? That's a reality of life. Unless you're Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, who have, you know, been dating for 45 years or whatever. Well, they've never gotten married. They're the exception. You know, they're the exception. You either break up with someone or you marry them, okay? And so you're either going to break up with this girl or you're eventually going to marry her. Now, it would be foolish for you to marry her anytime, I believe, anytime within the next few years. You're too young. This is what you got to understand. Your brain right now, it isn't done cooking. It's not ready to come out of the oven yet. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but your brain ain't ready to come out of the oven yet. It's still wet. You stick a toothpick in your brain, it's still wet. Toothpick comes out soaking wet. It doesn't even start to come out dry, that toothpick, until you get into your mid to late 20s. And even then, I'm just trying to be nice. I'm trying to be kind by saying mid to late 20s because I'm projecting myself onto you.
And for me, which I don't think is a lot different from a lot of men, I didn't start to grow up and stop thinking with my telewagger till I was into my 30s. Well into my 30s. Okay, and I'm 40 now. So I didn't start to think like a mature and rational adult until I was in my 30s. Before that, when I was in my 20s, and a lot of guys are like this, when you're in your 20s, you think with your wiener. And not only do you think with your wiener, you're reckless. You're just reckless. And you're a little boy. You're just a little boy. And I know that sounds crazy to you because you're 18. You're like, what are you talking about, man? I know everything I'm going to know. You don't know anything yet. And that's the reality of life. It's the reality of life. I'm 41. I don't know anything either. I really don't. A guy that's 51 knows a billion times more than me. And it's only wisdom that tells me that. So if I were you, if you want to do the wise thing, you move on. But I won't fault you for following your heart because we've all done that. Yeah. I mean, think about Mike always says something. Fast forward the tape. If this is how bad it's been in the first year, it usually does not get better. It doesn't do a complete 180. It's harder. It's a lot harder. My advice now, changing my advice is cut bait. Cut bait now. You know, it's harder to break up later. Yeah. It's harder. Much harder. Harder to break up later. I think is what his mom is saying. Yeah. Yeah.
She is. Have fun in your 20s, man. You'll never forget it. Thank you. Sounds like you are a good kid, though, man. You can tell he's a good kid. I want you to know that. All right. Sienna's got a sweet, warm heart, Poston. Yeah. The only thing is, like, it's been, that happened probably, like, three or four months ago. And, like, it's been really well. And so, like, I don't, like, I'm trying not to, because, like, I kind of feel like we should take a break. If you're just tuning in, this is Post and he's 18 years old. He's calling us because his mom and dad are getting involved with his relationship with his girlfriend who's about the same age. It makes it sound so bad. But, dude, listen. Listen, it is what it is. That's the fact. That's the reason that I wanted all the information. And I know why you weren't willing to give it. It's not the prettiest of stories. No, it's not. It is. You know, it is. You know, but listen, a lot of stuff there. All right. Thanks for the call, Poston. We love you. Good luck, buddy. Get some condoms. Thank you. Yeah. Condom up. Oh, poor kid. Yeah, maybe don't have sex. Oh, Mike.
You freak. What's the matter with you to say don't have sex? Don't you realize, Mike, that's impossible? How dare you? And plus, Mike, you had sex before you were married, you SOB. How dare you go on the air? How dare you go on the air and suggest something so foolish as that people abstain? That is absolutely ridiculous and impossible, Mike, and you know that to be a fact. I'm finally glad you came around. Preemptively arguing with yourself. Wiener time. In other words. Hey, listen. I'm the person that invented condoms. Ain't nobody knows better than me. When I did it, they were just called skins. Because we used deer skin. And then lamp skin. Then lamp skins. Then they became lamp skins. Then whale skins. All right. And then they developed it. Then I invented latex. All right. And then they were called rubbers. Because, you know, I could look at a girl and get her pregnant. I had to invent it. Yeah.
Just impregnating girls. I can't tell you how many times I had to put my don't impregnate girl glasses on. Because my sperm's so powerful that if they see my eyes, boom, pregnant. Go through a wall, Mike. Trust me. I would start wearing latex pants. And girls would want to sleep with me, want to get pregnant. And I thought, hey, let's put this between us. I had to tell them, look. These pants done defeated the purpose. The whole reason I'm even wearing these pants is to protect you from my crazy sperm. My powerful sperm. Don't even think about using my nail clippers. You'll be pregnant. Hey, is that my brush? Well, you're pregnant. Great. Shampoo? Pregnant. You saw my reflection? I will. EPT. No, you can't wear my T-shirt. I don't want another kid. Did you just look at my shadow? I took my picture. Well, twins. That's how powerful my DNA is. It will not be denied. It's like that first Kool-Aid you ever had when you were a kid dripping into your ears. It's so good.
My wife doesn't get this. That blows my mind. Blows my mind. Just blows my mind. When we come back, pick a scene. Let me see where I've been. Ten dumb things you do at the doctor's office. I want to hear that. Is the Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Sold Out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii.
And performing wherever he can plug in. Low bolts. You can't buy tickets, but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Los Tacos for helping to support this year's Independence Jam. See you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. When you run a business, you're the boss. The big kahuna. The big cheese. Actually, you're the big a lot of things. It's your show. It's all about you. At Wells Fargo, we're with you when your business needs financial guidance. We've been helping business customers for over 159 years. Our bankers will work with you to understand your needs and goals. They know that no two businesses are alike, and they'll help you to find the right solutions for your business. We're committed to your success, and we provide financial resources to help you grow. In fact, Wells Fargo is America's number one small business lender and the largest SBA lender. You don't have to do it alone. Because at Wells Fargo, we're here for you and we mean business. To find out how we can help your business, contact a local banker, visit your Wells Fargo store, or call 1-800-35-WELLS. Wells Fargo. Together, we'll go far. 2009 CRA data, 2010 SBA data in dollar volume. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. L.O.B., what does cumpleaños mean? Birthday. Oh. Mm-hmm. Dear birthday. Well, listen. Happy birthday if you want to...
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And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm the opposite of a football player. Lauren. I love taking care of boyfriends when they're sick. Woods. I do know my way around the jail. Sienna. I like a beer belly. I'm going to tell you that right now. NJ. Yes, sir. On FM 94.9. Starfields should be playing sold out stadiums. Take me in and invade me. Make me someone new. Not even arenas. Stadiums. Wave me from the dead. Love it. We're going to be playing Pick a Scene here in just a second. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is My Morning Jacket. Yeah. Hear it. Circuital, I believe is how you pronounce it. Circuital? Because the circuitous root is when you take a root that's, you know, like the long way. Circuital? No, it's not circuital. Circuital. I think you're right. I think it's circuital. It's the brand new one. It comes out today. You'll hear all about it later on my very in-depth new releases. See you.
So we're going to do 10 dumb things you do at the doctor's office, which I want to know. Me too. I bet I do most of them. Ditto. All of us do. So we're going to do pick a scene. Oh, boy. Oh, wait. First. Oh, word. Oh, word. Oh, word. I'm on Frankie V from Coronado. What was the word of the day? Feliz cumpleaños. There you go. But he almost dropped an MFR on me. Me too. I thought he was going to say, Feliz Gumblianos MFR. Orale. Hang on the line, my friend. Hang on the line. I'm going to cut my fingernails. Good to know. Does that look long to you? Yeah. That does? Yeah. How about you, LLB? Yeah, kind of claw-like. You growing a coke nail or something? What are you doing? Yeah, I'm growing a coke nail. Are you strumming him? Yeah. You learning how to throw a knuckleball? No, you got it right the first time. I'm growing a long nail for cocaine. Clearly. Don't you just need one? You can do all five? Good lord. A gnarled mind. That's disgusting. They're gnarled. Nubbins. Wanted to see if he'd go with me today to the Asians. Me? Yeah. Sure. You do it? Yeah.
Let's go. You ladies. Bed Bath & Beyond yesterday. Nail salon today. I'm afraid. I'm a little worried about getting my feet done, though, because of my ankle. They probably won't take it easy on me. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. You guys should get bikini waxes while you're there. Brazilians, maybe? Really? Woods has a broken ankle. Possibly. It probably is. He doesn't go to the doctor. And you know what? He just made an appointment to go Thursday. Yep. I think that's ridiculous. Who told you to do that? Did Jay tell you to make an appointment with that person? No. Who told you to make an appointment? Friends? Who? My friend John Wynder. That's a bad idea. Why? This guy's the best. Maybe he is, but you don't want to wait until Thursday. Well, I want to go to the best. I guarantee it's not broken. An x-ray is black and white. You don't need the best. Of course. You don't need someone to read an x-ray. Well, not only that, Woods, he's not going to perform surgery on you on Thursday. No, I know.
But I want the best to look at it. That's not the truth. The truth is you're afraid of doctors and you're afraid of hospitals. I'm not afraid of doctors. It's a pain in the butt to go. It's the insurance. I'm freaked out by filling out all the paperwork. I don't know what to put. Jamie can't go with me. He's got an ankle right now swollen. Looks like roast beef. It looks like roast beef. It's all different colors. It ain't broken though, that P word. It ain't broken. Don't try to get sympathy fatty. It ain't broke. He's just tired of carrying around all that weight. Eventually you knew it was going to give. It's just a matter of time. It's just a matter of time. Before that thing buckled underneath all that weight. I've never wanted a broken ankle more in my life. It's a strike. So I can walk in and be like, yeah. Feast on that, my friend. It's like putting a cantaloupe on two toothpicks and expecting them not to snack. More like a watermelon. What do you do? You put a couple of watermelons on a toothpick, it's going to give after a while. Imagine if those watermelons had four or five chins. That watermelon's name is Woods. Let me spell it out. It throbs. All it does is go. I couldn't sleep. Just go to the ER, bro. I don't want to go sit in the ER for four hours.
I bet that could be a Minute Clinic thing. I bet Minute Clinic, nah, they're going to have to take an x-ray. They won't do an x-ray. Oh, it's killing me. Urgent Care does x-rays. They do? Go to Urgent Care, bro. They also give you stitches. I got an appointment. Thursday, 2 o'clock. Maybe one of our M1s works at Urgent Care can get you in real easy. I'd do that then. Okay, call us if you can. I want to take care of my boy Woods. Listen, feel bad for him. He's got a messed up ankle. Guy's making appointments on Thursday. Hey, at least I made an appointment. LB, wait till I tell you about his appointment that he made. Oh, boy. How did you hurt yourself, sir? Oh, I said I hurt myself on a game show. Easy, Jason Priestley. Easy, Jason Priestley. Easy, Scott Bale. Oh, she said, where did you hurt yourself? And he tells him the name of the game show. And I go, what? I go, easy. Once I told her the name of it, she's like, okay, I get it. She didn't ask me any more questions. Oh, we have a special file for that one. Yeah, okay. I put you with red carpet. Wow, sir.
I didn't go, hey, it's Woods from the Mikey Show. We're going to put you in the VIP file. Easy, big time. I did it. That's the first time, man. I hate all of you. I love you. That's why I'm trying to take care of you. There's a sticker on his file already that says, easy, big time. Easy, Richard. Already it says, Steven L. Woods, parentheses, Jason Priestley. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Pick a scene. You ready? Here's how we do it. Here's how we do pick a scene. I have two baskets here. The first basket contains all of our names from the Mikey show. The second has scenes from a movie. I'm going to pick two names and those two people will have to perform the scene on Friday complete with props and the whole deal. Whatever the combo it is, it's going to be ridiculous. It's going to be great. I'm reaching. Please be Mikey and Jay. The first name is Jay. Yes. This is rigged. You did it. I know. Yeah, I'm going to look at all the names. Will you look at all the names? I was going to tell you to do it. Of course I will. I didn't want to derail it, but I was about to tell you. Jay did this. You may want to take a look. It's going to be the threesome scene. And the only names in there are Jay, C.M.L.P. Woods. Oh, no.
Just to make sure. I know he did. I know he didn't. Oh, my God. I know he didn't. Anti-trust. The other one says Mikey. Oh, weird. The other one says... The other one says... What is it? L-O-B. L-O-B, Lauren. He hates this bitch. Oh, man. Oh, my God. He didn't write. He doesn't want to be checked up on. He didn't write. He hates that bit. It isn't checking up on him. It is. It's checking up on him. I think he tries to cut it on him. He doesn't. You're paranoid. I wonder why. I wonder why. Oh, my gosh. You still, Mikey still has a bruise from Jay from a week and a half ago. Maybe you can catch him. From a week and a half ago. I didn't even hit you that hard. I just showed him my arm. I showed everybody my arm where Jay hit me. It's hideous. Oh, don't say it like that. It's a game we played. I want to take a picture of it. Well, we posted one on our fan page. It's gotten worse. Imagine if you upset a camel. And it was a young camel. Fiery. A fiery young camel. Full of water. Just had drink. So it's full of gusto. And you angered it. And that camel reared up and went.
How? You pulled its tail. You pulled its... Not only... No, you pulled its tail and then you took its temperature. And then you went to his hump. Yes. And then insulted its camel mother. And it kicked your arm. That's how Jay hits. Oh, I know. He's got me. It hurts. He hit me so hard one time, it dropped me to one knee. Yeah, we're not playing the game ever again. Thank you. Thank you. Never again. Hate that game. Hate that game. Well, just me and Sienna gets to punch you guys. I would do that. Now I'm reaching into the scenes. So it's going to be Jay and Woods. Jay and Woods will do the scene. And the scene is... The animal cracker scene from Armageddon. Oh my gosh. And it will have the... I can stay with you. I can stay with you. Just eat. I wish I was writing right now. Gosh darn it. Instead of going over the plane, it's going to go over the Rocky Mountain. Jay and I. You and Jay. On a picnic blanket. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Feeding each other. Feeding each other and doing the scene. And now, it could have just as well, I could have pulled Mike and Sienna. Wow. And that would have been just as mortifying. So do we, we'll work out amongst ourselves who is who. You're the girl, Woods. Yes, clearly.
8 o'clock on Friday? Sound good? Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine? Like, what if it had been... Anything that happens is terrible. Yeah. Anything that happens is terrible. If Lauren and Sienna... Oh, my gosh. Why don't you guys do Black Swan? You monster! You monstrous monster! Hey, by the way, I said props, so there will be, like, real animal crackers. A real picnic. And we're going to have a live studio audience in here. Oh, my gosh. And we're going to film it in high definition and post it on our website. And Jay has to attempt an Australian accent. Yes. And he does. You have to wear a dress that day. Please. Costume. Yeah, we've got to have costumes, props, everything. I'll give it 100%. Give it your all. I will. Oh, I love it. I want to be good. I love it. Oh, boy. By the way.
We're open to you guys texting us and suggesting scenes. Yes. Does that scene end with a kiss? Yes. You're not kissing. Aren't we? No. Aren't we? Aren't we? Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! They've touched tongues? We've already touched tongues. Don't get jealous, Mike. Oh, gosh. Just a little passion. 949mikey at gmail.com is our text. So if you ever want to text suggestions to us of what would be funny scenes. But they have to be super well-known. I'm going to throw myself into this role. I just want you to know. Yeah, you've got to give yourself to it. I will. All right, 10 dumb things you do at the doctor's office, Sienna. You talk on your cell phone. Yep. Of course you do. You lie. Yep. What does that mean? Meaning... You don't tell them the truth. If you drink a bottle of tequila every night, tell them you drink a bottle of tequila every night. You don't drink one glass a week, you know. Drink a bottle. See, now I can tell the truth. I used to lie. I lied. I couldn't tell them that I was, you know. Yeah, I have a bottle of vodka. I have a bottle of rum. Then I walk back to the Vietnamese liquor store and I get a half pint. Then I get three travelers. And I couldn't say that.
If you're having an affair and not using condoms, they gave that example. Let them know. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. They said they won't judge and they can't say anything. Won't they? They'll judge. They'll judge. Tell their friends. They can't say anything, yeah. Can you imagine if Lauren O'Brien were a doctor and some guy came in there? That was having an affair on his wife? Poor guy. I'm calling her later? Facebooking her? Yeah. She's like, I think we need to do some surgery on you. Yeah. I think you have AIDS. In my test, it says you might have AIDS. Oh my God, yeah. Sorry, sure. Sorry, you need financial aid. Sorry about that. Sorry. Another dumb thing that we all do at the doctor's office, you do a sloppy job describing your pain. If someone says, you know, what kind is it? Like a stabbing? Is it a burning? What do you feel like, you know? I have a burning in my loins right now. L-O-B, you don't have to give examples of what you do. That's a private matter between you and your physician. Yeah, you should go to your physician. You should go to the doctor. Oh, Lauren, come on now. That's just so over the top. Oh, my God. Lauren O'Brien. Oh, boy. You don't state... Wait, wait, wait. Can I say something about that, by the way? What? The last one that you said. You do a sloppy job describing your pain? My father. He's the...
I love you, dad. He's the worst at telling the doctors what's going on. And they'll ask him questions to try to get it out of him. And he still is just he's the worst at it. I am. So I pinpoint every single little thing down to the level of. pain and exactly what kind of the whole thing when it happens how long it lasted what provoked it give me the the level of pain i would always say 10 even if it's not yeah i'm a wimp when they say on a scale of one to ten how bad is your pain it's about a nine sir you realize that nine is usually what happens when someone loses a leg you have a splinter i'm like yeah it's like an eight then Me too. About two Vicodins is what it is. That's right. You don't state up front all the reasons for your visit. So you go to the doctors, and you're like Woods. You never go, and you wait until you tell them, okay, well, I have a stye, my knee pops, my ear hurts. They hate that, right? They hate that, and they can't fully diet. Because they only have a certain amount of time to focus on one thing, and so they weren't prepared to help you with all that stuff, so you're not going to get the answers you need. Do you guys know what a key leg is?
Key leg. Have you ever heard of a key leg? It's a machine that we get that makes coffee. No, that's a Keurig. It's very close. So it's a measurement that they use like in England? No, that's a kilo. A kind of pie? Key lime? No, that's key lime. Oh, okay. So a key leg is a little, it's like a piece of skin and it comes from a scar and it can grow, okay? I had one on my butt, on the cheek, okay? Don't know why I've ever told anybody this. It was really embarrassing. Is it like a skin tag? What's a skin tag? Piece of skin that sticks? Yeah. Yes, it's like a skin tag, but it's much larger. It's just like that, Woods, but it's much larger. It's hideous. It's hideous? Do you know what it looks like? No. And I'm going to ask, this is an adult thing, this is grown-up thing, so if you have little kids in the car, I'm going to be clinical about it, okay? It kind of looks like a testicle. Wow. In the sack. That's what it kind of looks like. In fact, that's actually exactly what it looked like. And I went into the doctor. I was getting my gastric bypass surgery. I thought you were going to throw up, Ella B. No, allergies. No, she was going to throw up. Yeah. I went in to get my gastric bypass surgery. And I asked the surgeon, hey, listen, since you're going to be turning me over anyway.
Will you cut that off? He was so furious. This old German guy, Meyerowitz. You know, the testicle-looking thing on my butt. On my butt. You know the ball back there? My butt ball. You need to be careful with how you word that. I asked him if he would remove it. He was so angry. He goes, don't ask me to take off things like this. This is not my job. This is not what I do. They look like dermatologists to you. I'm not dermatologists. Go to there. I'm not. I can't believe you even asked this. Really? Oh. Like, just like that. Well, it's like asking a painter while you're at it, can you just, like, clean out my gutters? Yeah. You're going to be up there. I guess it is, sort of. I thought it was more like hiring an air conditioning guy that's going to be in your attic and you're like, hey, while you're up there, can you change the bulb? I thought it wasn't that big a deal. He thought it was a very big deal. He didn't want to cut the ball ball. Tell me you got rid of that thing. Oh, I did. You know who did it? Harold? Yeah, Harold. He was an electrician. He just put some tape around it. Gross. No. I got a hernia from the gastric bypass, and I went in to get the hernia. I can't believe I had the guts to ask again. No doubt. But I wanted that ball off. Nobody wants a ball in their butt. Nobody. Did it work to sit down? Uh-uh.
No, I didn't have any feeling in it. And I said to him, I go, I said, I said, hey, I said, hey, would you mind removing this? And after he screamed, you know, after he saw it and screamed, he said, he goes, yeah, I'll take that off. Save it. That was a half. Rebecca is a hell of a girl. She is. What? It's medical. Stuff happens, you know. I know, but he's ugly. L.O.B., that's freaking disgusting. You had a butt ball. He had a testicle on his butt. L.O.B., he's like Frankenstein. Look, I sit on my balls, but that's because I'm old. I'm growing on my butt. I mean, L.O.B., he had a tentacle on his butt. L.O.B., imagine if he was married to the elephant. All right.
That's what it's like for Rebecca. This is kind of like charity. Rebecca likes charity work. It's a charity work. Maybe wants to be a saint. I was talking to, I think she's working towards sainthood. She wants to be like a saint. I really think she is. I can't believe she don't drink every day. All day and all night. I was talking to Kim the other day. I said, do you think she's trying to poison him? She goes, no, she wants to be a saint. Come on. She wants to be a saint. And I said, listen. Laura Ingalls Wilder was blind. All right? Didn't even know it for a while. Yeah. Could be. She's got cataracts. She's got cataracts like a dog. And don't know. She's going to be a guy with a ball in her butt. It's just a blur. He looks like a blur. He looks like a blur. He might as well be Brad Pitts. Maybe it's like that storybook. The Emperor's Waistline. And nobody knows it. And she's got to tell him, hey, you're ugly.
Or maybe it's like Beauty and the Beats. Yeah, I think it is. Maybe she's just like Beauty and the Beats. Maybe it's like the prince and the frog, and he kisses her, and she turns into a frog, and then she kisses back. What about Gnomeo and Juliet? That's that movie Jasper likes. Could be like Gnomeo and Juliet, only ugly. With the little midget and the girl that kills herself. Little people. Little people. Yeah, little people. And he's one of them, too. He's like Rapunzel because Rebecca's got long hair. More like repugnant. Imagine dating a meatball. Imagine if you were actually dating a meatball that wore flip-flops. How do you date a meatball with flip-flops? I've never seen a meatball with a sleeve. That meatball's got tattoos on it. I've never seen a meatball make love. It's a meatball with a meatball on its butt. It's a meatball with a Swedish meatball. Oh, boy. Here's a Mexican jumping meatball. Go ahead, Sienna. What else do we do that's dumb? Another dumb thing you do at the doctor's office, you don't state up front your expectations for your visit. So if you have a stye in your eye and you're going in thinking the doctor's going to pop this thing, it's going to be gone, you need to say so when you get there. Because a lot of times doctors aren't going to meet up to your expectations and do what you say. So you need to tell them and they'll tell you if that's realistic or not and they'll explain.
Because, you know, Woods thinks he has a broken ankle. If he goes in there, they don't do anything. He's like, really? I wanted, you know, at least a nice little sling or something. Sure. A boot. A boot. My doctor, Dr. Falconeo. Fake name. It's a true name. It's a lady. My doctor is a lady. So I have no physicals. But she's great because if she knows my history, I can just, I can email her. That's rad. Wait a second. How great is it to be able to email your doc? Did you just say no physicals? No. Because your doctor's a female? Yeah. Well, I mean, she would do a physical on me if I would do it. But you won't do it? No, I'm afraid. I'm too self-conscious to let her see me naked. So who does that for you? Do you go to a different doctor? Sure. You don't go for a physical is what you're saying. Why do you? You're 40. You have to have a physical every year. For what? I haven't had a physical in like 15 years. Well, you should have one every year. Why? What do they do? Well, then they can anticipate. They set a range of what your body is, where you are, and then they know when something starts to fail. But we don't want to hear that we're obese. We don't want to hear that we have to lose weight. We don't want to hear that I need to quit smoking. I don't want to hear that I do this too much or eat that too much. This is Jay after he gets his physical and he's waiting for the doctor to come tell him. This is him.
What'd you figure out? I ain't never seen nothing like that, have you? Pretty incredible, ain't it? You just told me whatever you're doing, you're doing it. Keep doing it. Keep doing what you're doing. I know, I know. I am the standard for medical science. I don't mind getting a physical because everything they tell me is awesome. I'll go every day. Yeah, I get a physical every day. Seven days a week. You know when you see those commercials with the man that's got the tube going down to the circle? That's me. I want to hear more, Santa. I want to hear more. So, quick time out. And then you come back and talk. Oh, I can't. No, Mike, edit. Don't sound too happy about it. Okay, Mike. When we come back, in addition to hearing the dumb things that you do at the doctor's office, I'm going to play you something that the DNC chair said. And it made her look foolish. And, well, I'll explain. This is The Mikey Show, FM 94.9. Cox High Speed Internet is way more than just an Internet service. With downloads up to 66 times the speed of DSL, Cox High Speed Internet is an instant rock concert.
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Taken. Two, never ever double dip. But what if I... Flip the McNugget on its other side? Yeah. Yeah, that's acceptable. Well, that's a relief. But no crossovers. Dipping into barbecue sauce after sweet and sour will result in a major penalty. So, choose your sauce wisely. The simple joy of golden, crispy deliciousness. The irresistibly tender and juicy McDonald's 20-piece Chicken McNuggets are now just $4.99 every day. Most Important Rule. one McNugget at a time. What was that last one? Price and participation may vary. McDonald's and SeaWorld give you the summer's best discount. All ages save $20 on a single day admission. Visit McDonald's today to get your exclusive SeaWorld coupon. Now many locations are open 24 hours. Participation varies. Whether you're biking, hiking, camping, or traveling up the coast this Memorial Day weekend, all the action begins at your local Jeep dealer during the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. As we honor our country, you can celebrate our 70th anniversary. with exceptional offers on our 2011 Jeep lineup, like the high-tech and luxurious Jeep Grand Cherokee and genetically engineered-for-greatness Jeep Compass. Plus, take advantage of the limited-time offers on the EPA-estimated 29 highway mile-per-gallon Jeep Patriot and the unstoppable Jeep Wrangler. So before you head out, stop by the Jeep Memorial Day sales event. It's where the action starts.
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Put your pedal to the metal, because the San Diego County Fair opens next week. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, pay a buck and try your luck at every game in the fun zone. And enjoy unlimited rides on Pepsi Pay One Price Ride Day. Visit sdfair.com for details. Miles to the mile at the San Diego County Fair. Presented by Albertson Savon. Cue a grill. Cue the over-enthusiastic chef with the lighter fluid. Cue the steaks, breasts, thighs. Cue the Amigos bearing generous libations. Cue the fumbled bottle of Jose Cuervo. Cue the crowd's gasp. Cue the slow-motion dive. Cue the catch. Cue the drink that brings it all together. Cue the Cuervo. You're headed for a divorce, but before you head to an attorney, think about calling a fairway mediation.
First, it costs considerably less. Second, it works with both of you, not paid lawyers, to figure out what's best. Call 619-702-9174 or online at afairway.com. This report, it's brought to you by SeaWorld San Diego One Ocean, the all-new Shamu Show. SeaWorld is now open. Dive into participating McDonald's. Pick up a coupon. Save $20 on admission for all ages. Restrictions do apply. Heading on the freeways, looks like the 15 southbound Rock Springs Road. Those right two lanes are closed. You're backed up to El Norte Parkway. Pretty heavy to Felicita. Caltrain's doing bridge repair until about 1 o'clock this afternoon. 5 northbound after Palomar Airport Road. There's a car stuck in the middle of the road. 56 westbound after Black Mountain rode an accident over on the left shoulder. This report brought to you by McDonald's. 42-ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at McDonald's for a limited time. Choose from a variety of icy cold drinks. Now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Participation varies. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I think that my wife would say that I'm very kind. This tie-dye shirt.
I got this from Target. Woods, Smoke Marlboro, String Budweiser, Zienna. Those are nutty bars? Yeah. Those are the best. And Jay. How about you let me raise my own kid? On FM 94.9. Woods, he definitely had me in mind today when he was putting together the musical playlist. This is my favorite new song from the new Foo Fighters record. Zienna, what's going on in the news? Pretty crazy story. A senior Egyptian general has admitted that... Virginity checks were performed on women who were arrested during the March protests. What is that? What? These women were arrested at a demonstration over the spring. And one of these females claims that the demonstrators were beaten, giving these girls electric shocks, strip searching them, threatening them with prostitution charges and forced to submit.
to these virginity checks. Now, the reason they did it is because these girls had been camped out in tents with male protesters and they think that these women who were on drugs and they found alcohol in the tents were going to say that they were prostitutes. It's just a crazy story, but they went down and checked to see if these girls were virgins or not and did what needs to be done to find that out. And this Egyptian general has just admitted that... Yes, they did do that. Just gross. Just gross, just gross. Also, the Casey Anthony trial is continuing starting today, the second week. On Saturday, her mother testified. This is the 25-year-old mother charged with the death of her two-year-old daughter, Kaylee. So it's still underway. Just a crazy story. That's an awful story. That's just unwinding different twists every single day. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, don't look now, but the San Diego Padres have won three in a row. Three more, Woods. Three more, and you've got to shave a fryer haircut. Do you know how bummed I am? Because I've really been working hard on growing my hair out. Yeah.
I'm a man of my words, so I'll do it. They beat the Braves, and they called up this guy Kyle Phillips, and he got his first Major League home run in extra innings. It was pretty rad. Heath Bell came in and got the save. Weird. And so they've won three in a row. They're looking a little bit better. Beat the Braves. And then in some racing news for you. So Dale Earnhardt Jr. has not won in quite a while. He was so close. He was on the last lap of the Coca-Cola 600. until something really bad happened to him. He ran out of gas. I've got to say, we weren't supposed to make it. We were going to run out of gas, and we kind of knew it, but we played our hand, and that was what we were going to do. The other guys came in, and I tried to save a ton of gas. I know I didn't save enough, but I tried to save as much as I could. I'm disappointed we didn't win. I know all our fans are disappointed to come so close. If we had won that race, it would have been a gift. We were a top five car, but never had really put ourselves in the lead. Imagine, though, you're on that last lap and you go, it's lasted this long. I got this. It's lasted this long. All I have to do is get around this turn, that turn, and then there, and I win. Also, the Indy 500 went down this weekend, too, and Dan Weldon.
Took the victory. This was another crazy race. In the last lap, I was talking to Mike about it this morning, I guess. One guy crashed, and then the guy that was supposed to finish second. Well, the guy that was supposed to win crashes. The guy that was supposed to win on the second to the last lap. Yeah, he's coming around the turn, and he crashes. Right. Then the guy that was behind him. Freaked out when he saw the crash. He slowed down. This guy, Dan Weldon, who was supposed to finish third, pulled up to the front and actually won. And this I didn't know. The purse for the Indy 500, 2.6 mil. Not bad for a day's work. No, not bad at all. 2.6 mil. So Dan Weldon is your Indy 500 winner. Danica Patrick did good, too. Did she? Yeah. She's foxy. She is foxy. And you know what I think is cool about Danica Patrick? Is that Danica Patrick didn't go... And this is contrary to what you would think. She didn't go, well, you know, I'm going to have this real firm stand and I'm not going to use my sex appeal. She uses her sex appeal. Yeah. She's good looking, so she uses it. And I say, you know, I mean, she doesn't use it in a bad way. Right. But I say good for you, you know. What do I know? Ten things. Okay.
10 things that you do that are dumb at the doctor. We already named a whole bunch of them. Yeah, you talk on your cell phone. You lie, meaning you don't tell them that you drink a bottle of whiskey at night or whatever. You do a sloppy job describing your pain. You don't state up front all the reasons for your visit. And now here's some new ones. You don't know what medications you're taking. So patients should be able to bring a list of all the medications they're taking. Know what you're taking. Let the doctors know because it makes a difference. Also, you leave with unspoken questions and concerns. You know, if you're not satisfied with... what the doctor, you know, said to you. And if you have more questions, you need to tell them. You always think of them in the car. So that you know. Yeah, you do. You never think of them in there. They happen in the car. And then you go to WebMD and self-diagnose yourself. If you're my wife or LOB, then you definitely do. You don't bring your medical records or images with you. Oh, really? Oh, come on. We're that savvy. One of my Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse. I carry him around with me. No kidding. We just got him. We have them in the glove compartment. Hang on, let me run out to my car. Let me get the disc of all of my surgery x-rays. Another dumb thing you do at the doctor's office, you're too scared to disagree with your doctor. If you have doubts about what they're saying and you think that what they're prescribing you doesn't match with your symptoms, let them know. I can't imagine disagreeing with a physician. Yeah, but they may think that what you're telling them is something that's different. Oh, that'll go away. No.
Okay. Right. No, no, no. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. If they say, yeah, that'll go away. And you're like, listen, it's not going away. And some doctors are very quick to just write you a prescription. You know, you say, no, I don't want just a prescription. Like, I want a cure. What do I need to do? How can this go away? Take the prescription. Yeah. But if I write this prescription, then I get a round of golf next week. So I'm just going to write this prescription. Conspiracy. Yes, it's all a big conspiracy. Not a conspiracy. It's all a big ruse to get golfing in. They're real quick to get you out the door. Over Medicaid. They do love to Medicaid. Over Medicaid, kickbacks. Hey, I take the medicine, I get better. Why don't you find the root of the problem? Yeah. Maybe you go all natural root. Eat brown sugar for a colt. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. No, they have those bits. Have honey. You have a sore throat? Have honey. Makes your throat feel better. Yeah, it makes you feel great. You know what else does? Amoxicillin. Real good. Yeah. You know what else? Let's get some chemicals in there. Z-Pak. Yeah, just keep them coming. Just build up an immunity towards them. Yeah. Well, what's the alternative? I just told you the alternative brown sugar. You don't always have to go right to the thing that's going to just zap it out of your system. Why not? Why would you do that? Then we'll all build up the antibodies and immunities to them. You have to let sometimes things need to run its course. You know, I've always heard that bit. It's a bit.
I've always heard that. You're just going to build an immunity to those antibiotics. Yeah, it happens. Really? Listen, I'm the worst offender when it comes to that. Well, get ready. But that's my point. It hasn't happened. Why do medications keep getting stronger? Wait till you get an infection that it doesn't work for any longer and then watch what happens. A staph infection? Whoa. Well, I mean, that's heavy duty. That's heavy duty. Wait till you get AIDS, all right? Yeah, Mike. You're bound to get that horse herpes or something? Nothing you can do for it. What are you going to do then? You built up your mama? Eating Z-packs for breakfast. That's right. The last dumb thing you do at the doctor's office is you don't comply with the treatment plan. They're saying, please follow through and do what you've agreed to do. If you don't, you need to tell the doctor so they don't mistakenly assume that the treatment failed. It's L.O.B.'s, but she gets prescriptions and just doesn't take them. No. Just leaves them in her cabinet. I have an accordion folder at home that has like utilities in one section and all this stuff. And there's a little section for prescriptions. I just put them in there. Gosh. Probably sitting on a gold mine over there. How have you gotten better? I just let it run its course. Drink tea. Works. She's got a leg off. She's like, let her run its course. No big deal. Her leg's missing. I don't believe them, you know.
Half the time. Too quick. Too quick. I didn't even tell you everything and you're already over there just scribbling things. Writing something down. Yeah. Would you go to medical school? What do you know? What do you know? What'd you do? Go to medical school or something? I, listen, doctor says something to me, I go, okay. Yep. Really? Yeah. So. Oh, God. If he said that you should be eating better and maybe working out. Oh, I mean, she. What do they say? What do you call the? Bottom 10% of a graduating med school class. Doctor. Really? Well, why go then? I get an opinion. To get an opinion. Decide whether or not I think it's something of value. LOB feels that going to a doctor, it's all subjective. It's very subjective. Like, we go to the doctor because we want to get... She just... She wants to hear what they think. Right. Because she has her idea. She's got her idea. But she just wants to know what... I have a...
What a finger-coached doctor. What a doctor thinks. So if you had this ankle, would you go to the doctor? Oh, yeah. You would, okay. Yeah. But she'd be listening with one ear squinted, or one eye squinted. I like black and white. Like, if they took an x-ray, they found a break, good. If they were like, it could be this, it could be that, it could be this, I'd be like, well, thanks. I could have coulded it all day. I could have coulded it all day. They write her prescriptions. She puts them in a little file. Sitting on a gold mine over there. Probably expired now. Oh, yeah. Stacks of them. It's fascinating. Thank you for your opinion. Why do you hold on to them? I don't know. There's a section in my accordion folder, so I keep them. Question. I'm being completely serious, and I want you to be completely honest with your feelings with me. How does it make you feel? If you imagine me taking them and throwing them in the garbage. Well, I have to keep them just in case I do like the symptoms come back. But also I'm afraid like my identity is going to get stolen. And people are going to be like, here's what she has. All this stuff is going to get out there about me. Somebody's going to steal your accordion folder. Shred them. I don't have a shredder. Sometimes I bring my documents to work and there's a shredder here. So I just.
I want to cut her head open and look and peel. I love to know the real deal. I want to put a monocle in my eye so I can see closer, and I want to look inside that brain. I have, like, DMV stuff from when I first moved out here. Why? I'm afraid to throw that stuff out. Why? I don't know. What if I get audited? By the DMV. So, Brian, my name's Ted. I'm from the IRS. Do you have your change of address form from 2001? I'll tell you what. L.O.B. is going to be a great freaking wife, though, because the husband, if he's anything like me, he's going to be like, where's the damn warranty? She's going to be like, I got it. Vacuum cleaner not working. Yeah, there's that. Oh, baby, here's the mixer that you wanted. There's the warranty. Remember the trash company said they weren't going to raise our rates. Unbelievable.
Oh, my God. You should have a service where you, like, pay people's bills for them. I would let you do it. Oh, my God. Save it all, I'm afraid, too. Oh, my God. You just come in with your mail every day. You give it to LOB. She keeps it nice and organized and makes it right for you. Cordian folder. Writes the checks. I'm one OG from San Diego. Hello? Oh? Oh? Hi, OG. What can I do for you? Well, my whole thing is that you guys are talking about medicine. And what I'm saying is I say which one. But when I worked there about, you know how you're saying prescriptions and stuff like that? Like when someone would come in really sick and they had great insurance, they like keep them there longer, even for like getting better. They said, oh, we want to keep you for more days and make sure everything's okay. And when people would come in with like bad insurance that doesn't pay well or takes forever for the hospital to get paid on, they like want to shish you out like right away, even though you're sick. Hey, bro, I'll tell you this much.
The truth of the matter is, is that if they want to keep you, that's better than being shushed out the door. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, because I've had the bad insurance and been at the hospital. I was 20 minutes out of surgery. They're like, all right, you feeling good? I'm like, they're like, you're ready to go, right? I'm like, I still have tubes coming out of my stomach. And they're like, you can go home, right? Sack up. Yeah, sack up. Can we call you a cab? You know, so it's much better. I mean, like, the medical industry is so, you know, it's just so bad. Like, you know, like, people that really need the medical attention because they have bad insurance, they're just getting you out of there, you know? And it's like, that's why I got out of the industry because I was just like, I can't even do this. I would get so frustrated, you know? We have a friend that works at a, like, a clinic, and she is really frustrated because...
Apparently clinics, they've just become a lot of them. Some, you know, not all of them, but many of them have just become drug dealers. Yeah. You know, of like legal drugs, you know, legal drugs that, you know, are like painkillers and stuff like that. You know, because you wonder where does the market for. Heavy duty painkillers, you know, because people buy them off the street. Yeah. How? You know, you got to wonder how. How are they? Like, let's say that OxyContin is a is a problem in San Diego County and people are buying illegal OxyContin. How? Where do those OxyContin come from? Is like Tommy from Goodfellas lifting a truck full of OxyContin? Where are they coming from? Where are they getting them? People like L.O.B. that don't, that get the prescription that don't really need them or don't want to take them. And they sell them. They sell them because they don't want to take them. Well, for the record, I don't sell them. No. Well, I mean, L.O.B. is wearing a t-shirt that says, for sale, all my stuff. Get your OxyContin here. No, but seriously, but that, I think that that is how it's people taking advantage. For example, me, if I go to the doctor and I'll get probably something for my feet. Right. I don't like.
Pills. Yeah. I don't like pills. They make me sick. I don't, they don't, I don't feel good. I've never liked them. So I won't take them. Yeah. Like I won't, I'll take one or two and then I'll be like, I'm done. And then they'll sit there and I'll sell them to Jay. Yeah. Uh, let's see. M1 Jose from Poway. How are you doing? Good. Yeah. Yeah. Hi. Hi. I'm just wondering, uh, when does, uh, your episode come on? So I can get my DVD. Episode of what? She is. I know. You do. You hoard those things. When it comes to important documents. Yeah, totally. Totally. Count me in for that. I'm a hoarder. Totally. When it comes to important documents, I'm afraid to let them go. I keep things that aren't important. Me too. Do you? No. I throw everything away. Yeah, I have the same thing as Lauren. Not an accordion.
folder but like a box that has different files in it and it slides you know do you keep stuff that you don't need oh yeah i labeled by the year i have yeah i'm not that i don't organize i just put stuff in the corner you collect things you collect but i'm not even talking about that woods i'm talking about garbage you collect garbage no no no i collect i do collect certain things yeah but aside from that i also keep things that i don't need that i don't have use for. Sure, like documents and whatnot. Documents, like stupid documents. I throw all that stuff out. Because I think I'm going to need this. I have like chargers, the things that I don't even have the unit anymore, but I'm like, someone could, you know. Have a drawer. Yeah, it's like a box that extended to a drawer. Oh my gosh, listen to this. M1 Watchdog from Scripps Ranch. Good morning. I was watching the documentary on the waste and fraud of the medical, and they were saying that the commercials that these hospitals put out aren't for us. They're not for patients. They're trying to recruit new doctors to bring their patients to their facility. Really? A massive business, massive amount of business. So all the commercials that we see, they're not geared for us. They're not for us to go to Sharp or whatnot. It's for their doctors to close their own practice down and practice out of their hospital. It's crazy, man. I used to recruit physicians.
is a pretty gnarly industry. Pretty gnarly industry. A lot of money changing hands. Wanted to pull the curtain back and let people know that Woodsy got me a birthday cake. Yes, you're welcome. You call that a birthday cake? Technically it is a birthday cake. Did you guys get him a cake? No. Oh, I did. You got me a cheesecake. Cheesecake! What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with it. You're fat. But that's like, you know, me bringing him Yum Yum Donuts. I love Yum Yum Donuts. It's a present for you. Or like if I brought a kombucha pie. Right. Probably be for me. Exactly. Not exactly for Mike. Why don't you get him something that he likes, like tres leches? He likes. I don't like tres. They had one yesterday. Well, here's the deal. Flan? Can I pull the curtain back on myself? Sure. So I went to Stater Brothers. And I went to get a cake. And at first I wanted vanilla cake with vanilla icing because it's my favorite. Also your favorite. Also my favorite kind of birthday cake. I asked the lady, I go, what are these? She goes, oh, they're chocolate with icing. And I go, I'm not going to eat any of it. So I bought him. Would you have mine? Sure. I bought him something that we could all enjoy. Cheesecake. Cheesecake. That's your favorite time. Happy birthday to me. Happens to be. It's his favorite dessert.
I hope you like it. I do. Do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not as much as Woods likes it, but you like it. You like it more, but that's all right. Cheesecake! Are you going to bring those leftovers home with you, Mike, or do you think they'll somehow end up in Woods' fridge? We need leftovers. The crumbs? You mean the box? You like to eat the box? You're going to eat your fingers just trying to eat it. Careful, those are your fingers, not hot dogs. I know you forget sometimes and look alike. I bet when you sit in a hot tub, you think they plumped when you cooked them. All right. Woodsy has new releases. Yeah. We're doing that now, huh? Same time. No, I got it. Is it? No, it's not. I got it. You ready? Nine o'clock. It's actually 921. It's 920. I am ready. I'm ready. I got it right in front of me. Shut it. The new Death Cab for Cutie. Codes and Keys out today. Yeah. Playing this single a lot right now. All right. This one I'm conflicted on. The new Eddie Vedder is out.
Ukulele songs. All ukulele. It sounds really nice to my ears, but every time my brain imagines him playing a ukulele, it's silly. I know. I think it would have been a good idea for one track. Yeah. Well, he's done a few on some recent Pearl Jam albums that are ukulele. I just don't know what got in his head that he's like, hey, you know what? I'm going to throw down a whole album of these. Yeah. Harp wasn't available. I listened to like four songs online last night, and it sounds really good, but I can't picture myself listening to a whole album of ukulele songs, but it's out today. The new Egypt Central's out today, White Rabbit. White Room Street Jacket. It sounds like what Edward Furlong would listen to on the back of the motorcycle in T2. Later, daddy. The new flogging Molly is Out, Speed of Darkness. He's going to Red Sox game.
On the way, the Fenway. You're going to watch the Pats at your buddy's house. It's Robin Banks there in whatever. Charlestown. Charlestown. Charlestown. Yeah, Charlestown. We're very excited for this next one. The new Jordan Knight is out today, Sienna. Unfinished. That's more LLV. Oh, that's true. Wasn't he a backstreet boy? No, he was a new kid. He was a new kid. You in LLV? No. That one don't get me. Show me your O face was the name of that one. Wow. Wow, he's really grown up. Yeah, he has. He's 50 now, by the way, I'm sure. The new Kate Bush is out. Director's cut. It does. It sounds like Liza Minnelli. She's getting all trip hop. Wow.
Liza, you really branched out. That's Kate Bush. That's Liza. That's Kate. This is Kate Bush. Oh, Kate Bush. You really branched out. You sound a lot like Liza. Well, first of all, you sound, Liza, like you've done something with Enya. Like you and Enya have gotten together and worked on a project. This is a stage name. There's a snake charmer there, too. I got it. Holy crap. That's great. And the new My Morning Jacket, which is also the 8 o'clock album tonight. Circuital. I have a few things that they've done that you would love. Sounds like Neil Young, acoustic. That I didn't really get either myself, but I'm going to check out the whole record. It was an abstract painting to me. Yeah. And then Melvin's Sugar Daddy Live. Nirvana's biggest influence. And today on DVD, Drive Angry, starring Nicolas Cage. It's about a vengeful father who escapes from hell. and chases the man who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter. So I'm sure you'll be in on that. Mike, and Be Beautiful, starring Javier Bardem, is out. Oh, I want to see that. Yes, so feast on those. Want to play me in that tune? Call us right now, 570-1949. You're going to pick me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. And what's the prize, Jay? Today's prize is the new Beastie Boys CD, Hot Sauce Committee Part 2. All right, so pick us, and we'll play.
Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up. Are you sure this thing is some sort of cult? On FM 94.9. It's sold out. FM 94.9 Independence Jam. Coastal Invasion. Get this here. Sunday, June 5th. Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. Presented by Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste greatness. Performing on the FM 94.9 stage. Cold War Kids. Leaky Lee. Peter, Bjorn, and John. Band of Skulls. Everest. Performing on the Casbah stage. The Silent Comedy. Crocodiles. Surfer Blood. The Soft Pack. Heavy Hawaii. And performing wherever he can plug in. Low Bolts. You can't buy tickets, but we will be giving some away. Keep listening to FM 94.9 for details about upcoming random acts of kindness. A special thanks to Grubby's and Lost Tacos. For helping to support this year's Independence Jam, see you on Sunday, June 5th in Oceanside with FM 94.9. Life's better with baseball. You can feel it in the air. The 2011 Padre season is underway. Join Mark Grant and me, Dick Enberg, for more than 145 Padre games in HD. And be sure to like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter all season long. For 15 years, Channel 4 has been your front row seat. Channel 4.
Log on to 4SD.com for a complete season schedule. Channel 4 is your home for Padres postgame analysis. We've brought the best baseball minds together to highlight, review, and skanalisize. Yeah, that's right, skanalisize. Join me, Jenny Kavnar, along with the entire team for the Saquon Casino postgame show following most Padres games. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then... There's my show, but it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4, San Diego. Wake up to a flat-out delicious deal from Subway. The new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. A tasty, toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfast sandwich. And a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed Seattle's best coffee. All for just $3. Warm and sunny, hey! Tempt your taste buds and choose from the egg and cheese. Black Forest ham egg and cheese or the bacon egg and cheese. Morning masterpieces of monumental proportions built fresh from the flatbread up. Put your spin on one with everything from juicy tomatoes to spicy jalapenos. Maybe even Chipotle Southwest sauce for a bowl kick. Pair it with a rich fresh cup of Seattle's best coffee and it's all just $3. The new $3 flatbread breakfast combo only at Subway. Excuse me.
Stuck in that high interest rate auto loan? Sure could use some help down here. We can help you get unstuck. Hello. Welcome to San Diego's own Mission Federal Credit Union. Hello. Whether you're trying to get into a new car or get out of a high payment loan on your current car, get to your nearest Mission Fed branch and stretch your possibilities. Like getting a great rate on a new car loan or getting out of your high interest loan. Lower your rate, lower your payment, raise your standards with Mission Fed. Each time you walk into one of Mission Fed's 22 branches, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the personal attention and impressed by the access to 28,000 fee-free ATMs. Don't be stuck in high interest rate loans. Oh, thank you so much for pulling me out of it. Wow, it's nice up here. Get unstuck with Mission Fed. Call 800-500-6328 or go to missionfed.com. Mission Federal Credit Union. Your success is our bottom line. All accounts of loans are subject to approval. Admission that is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration. Mother's cookies will always remind me of Grandpa's house. Or better yet, leaving Grandpa's house. When I was little, we had family reunions at his place in Santa Maria. And at night we'd sit around the living room and my aunts and uncles would retell outrageous old stories. Usually at the same time. That's when Grandpa would give me the signal.
And we'd slip out for a drive to get Mother's cookies. We both loved the circus animals for the pink frosting and the way the round sprinkles crunch on your teeth. On the way back, Grandpa would take the long way home. And we'd eat cookies and listen to nothing but big band jazz and the sound of the ocean. I know it's simple. But Grandpa and I both liked simple. And now, at every family reunion, that's the story I like to tell. Over and over again. Mother's cookies. There's a memory in it. Wherever you're going this summer, stay connected with the ultra-portable BlackBerry Playbook. Visit a Best Buy store today and get it set up just right to make your summer better. There's a lot of guy stuff that I'm not into and a lot of chick stuff I'm pretty into. You guys, I'm a middle child. I need attention. You know what my wife's number one complaint about me is? My clothes. I leave my clothes scattered throughout the house. La Jolla is my favorite bubble.
I don't want to live anywhere else. And Jay. My kids' friends are always afraid of me. On FM 94.9. Woods has shown me a picture on his phone. His wife went to Black's Beach for the first time. Decided to take a camera out and start taking pictures. Not really supposed to do that. Nope. Have you seen my wiener? She is Mrs. Woods. I mean, she's just like me, but with boobs. Wow. So she's just like me. You guys are like identical. I think yours are bigger. Fine, with long hair then. Oh, he'll get you on. And for the record, she didn't go to Black's Beach. She wound up there. Like we all do. She went on a hike, wound up on the bluff, and goes, oh, that's Black's Beach, huh? That's what I tell my wife, too. Hey, I didn't know.
Yeah, I brought a pocket full of quaaludes, but I didn't know. I hiked into this threesome. I didn't know. Accident. I had on a pair of overalls and a fishing line, and I was just going, I was trying to find a fishing home. I wound up at Black's again. Man, all roads lead to Black's Beach. M1 Chris from Miramar, are you there? Yep. Who do you want to select to represent you in Name That Ten? Oh, boy. There you go. Hang in the line. M1 Travis from Lakeside. Who do you want? You got it. M1 G Love from Oceanside. Who do you want? Enthusiasm. This is the saddest moment of my life. I'm so sorry you hate me. I like the line. It's not nice like that. Poor thing. Yeah, it's alright. Hang in the line. Please don't. M1 Brandon. Brandon. He gave up. Brando. Hello. Hi, Brandon. Hi. You got me. Word for me. All right. Hang on the line. Hang on the line. Name that tune. We yell out our name. If we know, what is it, title or artist? Today, it's just title. Just title. All right. Because you won't know the original artist because today is all from Lawrence Wilk Show.
That's so relevant. Oh, wow. Don't know what that is. See, I've never heard of it. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. How are we going to know these? Sienna, I think it was a show in the 50s. Thanks, old man. All right, here we go. You'll know them. Should be a lot of fun. You'll know them. Here we go. Sienna! Chicken dance. Oh, weird. There you go. Oh, my God. Are you kidding? That's really called chicken dance? Feast on that. Look at you. Wow. I've been to a lot of weddings. That's right. Wow. Here we go. Folks in a town. Mikey. Mikey. That's that Gwen Stefani. What? Lauren. Yes. The sound of music thing. That's right, but what's the name of the song? Yodel-ay. Yodel-ay is the point against you. Here we go. I'm the only one left, right? Me too. Oh, me and Sienna. You go to the bathroom. Nobody knows? No. Go ahead, Sienna. Hi-ho.
I just lost my only point. Lonely Goat Herd. Thanks, Jay. L-O-V lost one. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Wait, hold on. That was called what? I know it. She redid it. Lady Goat Herd. It's called Lady Goat Herder. Lonely Goat Herder. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Mikey. The famous Bugle Boy of Company B. What? No, you're close. Wow. I'm not going to give it to you, though. Little Bugle Boy? Mm-mm. You get. Yeah! Lauren. I wish. Lauren. Darn it. Now I wish I didn't say my name. Chattanooga choo-choo. Get. Darn it!
Were you eating mushrooms this weekend? No, he's just going through all records. These are classics. What is this deal? The song's at his wedding. The theme is songs from my wedding. He just said the title of the song right there. It's a Boogie Woogie. Bugle Boy of Company B. How dare I not know that? He's not going to give me. No, you said the beautiful. I said the. Bugle, woogie, biggle boy. Maybe they all win. Lauren and Mike both have negative two. Woods and I have zero. And winning with zero. Here we go. Oh, the buzzing of the bees and the cigarettes. Is he high on drugs? Sienna! Candy Mountain. Big Rock Candy Mountain. Yes. Are you assing me right now? Did you look at these? No. They just said the big grunt down. I just guessed on what they said. Here we go. Next time you're found with your chin on the ground. Mikey. Jen on the ground. Chin on the ground. Chin. Get. Little old ant. Woods. Little old ant. Rubber tree plant. No, here it comes. Rubber tree plant. Everyone helps Vienna. Lauren. I hope.
Yep. Oh, sorry. Wrong one. He's lost his money. You guys, these are classics. He's insane. These are classics. He's gone crazy. Classics. Here we go. Graduating class of 1936. Mike has negative three. Woods and Lauren have negative one. And I have one. Here we go. Here we go. It's a joke. What's the matter? You know this song. Is this a joke? Are you guys playing a prank on me? Oh, wait, I do. You know this. Lion, they re-released into the wild. Does he know we're on the radio? You don't know this song? Do you want me to start doing name matching and let him play? Born Free? You knew that one. Okay. Here we go. He knows. Lauren. Lauren. Tiny Bubbles. Thank you.
It's songs only Tarzan would know. And I'm talking the original Tarzan. Back before there was any sound in a movie. The talking. Here we go. Sitting downtown in a railway station. Lauren. Mikey. Railway station. Lauren, one took over the line. Thank you. That's what he was when he came up with this. Mike has negative four. Woods is negative one. And Lauren and I have one. Here we go. This is it. This is the. The final song. Is it? Thank God. Woods. Silver Bells. Lauren and I both won. Thank God that's over. G-Love can feast. The theme today is Lawrence Welk songs. I can't believe you guys don't. They're classics. You know it's bad if I sit down during the end. M1 G-Love. G-Love, are you there? I am. See, I bet you don't feel so bad you picked Sienna now. I was happy to pick her. Yeah, I don't think he... I think he was just overall just a mellow person. He's just high, I think. G-Lo? M1 Travis? Yeah. You win, too? All right. Hang on a line. Two most enthusiastic guys in San Diego. Those songs put them to sleep. That's right. You guys just wake and bake? Lawrence Welks.
Way to go, Jay. I would think maybe something patriotic for Memorial Day, but no. Go with the old Lawrence Welk. The old standby. The old standby. The old, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. This is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Preparing your family's car for a summer road trip now can help you avoid costly repairs down the road. Worn brakes, cracked belts and hoses, low fluid levels, or a dead battery are all problems that can leave you on the side of the road in the summer heat. Before your travels begin, visit your local O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts store. Simple preventative maintenance like changing your oil and filter, topping off your engine coolant, checking your belts and hoses, and replacing your air filter can ensure your family a safe journey during the summer months ahead. And the professionals at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts have the exact parts you need to fit your vehicle all at guaranteed low prices. Get your vehicle ready for summer travel at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. If you're a California homeowner struggling to make your mortgage payment and you don't think there is anyone who can help, you should know there's a federally funded program that may be able to help you.
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And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I got a box of, you know, stuff in the mail because I like to shop on the Internet. Lauren. I know all the rules. I just break them. Woods. I don't like to work out with people. I don't like to play video games with people, and I don't like to work out with them. Zienna. I made reservations for us last night. And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. Democratic National Committee has a chairperson. Her name is, excuse me, Deborah Wasserman Schultz. Here's what she said. The president was clearly articulating that his position, Democrats' position, is that we need comprehensive immigration reform. We have 12 million... Talking about immigration reform. Undocumented immigrants in this country that are part of the backbone of our economy and that that is not only a reality but a necessity and that it would be harmful if some... The Republican solutions that I've seen in the last few years is that we should just pack them all up.
and ship them back to their own countries, and in fact that it should be a crime, and we should arrest them all. I mean, that was a legislation that Jim Sensenbrenner advanced a couple of years ago. Deborah didn't know that it was a crime already to be. That's actually why they call them illegal immigrants. The Republicans want to make it to where it's a crime. She's known for putting her foot in her mouth. She is. She's done it before. Yeah, she did it. She attacked the GOP presidential candidates because they were favoring foreign car companies when, in fact, she owns a Japanese car herself. Yeah. That's embarrassing. Yeah. It's like the next thing they're going to say is, you have to be 18 to vote. Yeah. It's an idiot. What is this coming to? The next thing, they're going to want kids to be 21 before they can drink.
I mean, come on. Where are we going to draw the line? Where does it end? Where does it end? I have to have a zip code now? Since when? For my mail? It's getting to the point where they're calling murder illegal in this country. Republicans. Unbelievable. I can't kill my husband if I have a bad day. Or if he's being a pisser. Come on. Sarah Palin does. not do her... Listen, I'm not gonna... I'm not just gonna do a bunch of Democrat stuff here. I'll give you some Republican dum-dums. I'll be too hard. Yeah. Sarah Palin at a motorcycle rally. Governor, are all your events on the bus tour gonna be this loud? Oh, it would be a blast if they were this loud, if they smelled this good. I love that smell of the emissions. I love that smell of the emissions. Oh.
It's like when you get gasoline for the first time. It smells so good. You dip a rag in a can of paint and hold it to your mouth. I just love it. It's like when you're building an airplane model and you just want to put the glue up to your face. Like when you make your campaign signs with all printers. You want to smell that? It's like when you stick your face down into your... Gas tank. It's like when you're huffing for the first time. It's like being on acid. It's like when you're sucking whipped cream, kid. Yeah, it's like when you're sitting there sucking on a whipped cream, kid, and you're doing whippets. It's like smoking grass. Oh, it's like when you're shooting up for the very first time. Holy smokes. It's like when they make go out of horse horse. Why does she sound like she's from Brooklyn? I don't know. She's a little kooky.
So this is something that happened. You know, we've been seeing a lot of this lately. This was in Missoula, Montana, not the biggest television market in the world. No. But their weatherman, Mark Haka, he was on the air and again put the wrong report into the old machine to air. Latest on how much more rain we can expect. Good evening, everyone. Widespread rain and drizzle today across the area. Pretty much all rivers under at least watches. Ah, ah, ah, ah. You guys are pains in the ass. Okay, here we go again. In three, two, one. Okay, we are sorry for that technical difficulty that we are having right now. Oh, Mark. Oh, Mark.
You're fired. The technical difficulty bit. Not really a technical difficulty. You didn't have a technical difficulty. That's the tape not playing. This tape played. Played real good. Technically we saw. You guys don't get along. Right. Technically Mark. Haka hates everybody that he works with. Yeah, Mark hates you. Mark hate you. Mark hates you. It's like if I loaded some audio that was like, God, I hate this freaking show. Like, oops, technical difficulties. Right. We're sorry about the technical difficulties we just experienced there where Woods said that he couldn't stand us. What was the... I guess he's mocking them. It's... Like, even children are like, that's so childish. My goodness. Oops, wrong one. Sorry. Technical difficulties. Here we go. Latest on how much more rain we can expect. Good evening, everyone. Widespread rain drizzled today across the area. Pretty much all rivers under at least watches. You guys are pains in the ass. Okay, here we go again. Incomfortable.
Every weatherman has a catchphrase. Maybe that's his new catchphrase. This is Mark Kaka signing off. Pain in the air. Sounds like somebody interrupted him in the back. That's what they talked while he was recording. So he's like. That is what happened. Boy, oh boy. If I had to guess. Hey, I'm getting some text messages here. People are trying to figure out what happened. Now, I got a lot of theories, but the one I'm going to go with is that he heard someone talking while he's trying to do his job. Two of the other ones I had on here is Anvil fell on his head or Tasmanian Devil in studio. Stubbed his toe, I think, was on there, too, from the text. And then somebody said...
that he's doing an owl impression. I'm like, no, I don't think that sounds... I don't think he was. Maybe, though, maybe. And then they said he was doing a dolphin impression, and he did it on poipus. And I'm like, oh, that's a joke. Wow. I can tell that's just a joke. Wow, wow, wow, wow. I gotta go. Hey, excuse me, Mike. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to tell you, Garrett just called in. He said he thinks that guy... heard someone in the background and was just pointing it out by like sort of mocking them. Rick called him. Yeah, because Rick called Garrett and said he thinks he figured it out. Just going through the chain of command here. Now watch. Our Facebook page is going to be, why don't you guys leave? He was just trying to help. And then you just stepped in. Just walked all over him. Let him make his pro-DUI statements, okay? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. 570-1949 is our number if you want to get a hold of us. Let's see. Is there anything funny we can do? Have Jay read something. Woods. Woods. Here's a couple headlines. It's true. Snooki crashed into a...
police car. Tony Romo got married. Peter Brady got a divorce. That's ridiculous. Shania Twain's getting a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Weekend box office. What was number one? Hangover 2. Of course. $105.8 million. Wow. It was a long weekend, obviously, Memorial Day, but yeah, they killed it. Moscow has more millionaires than New York City. So it's the country with the most. Or the city with the most. Married couples are no longer the majority in the U.S. What does that mean? Let me find it. So what is that?
Married couples are no longer the majority. There's new data that was released last week by the U.S. Census Bureau, and it's showing that married couples are, for the very first time in U.S. history, no longer the majority. Now married couples are representing 48% of all households, down from 52% in 2000. And people, the median age for first-time marriages is now getting older. Before it was 23 years old for men and 20 years old for women. Now it's 28 years old for men and 26 for women. Wow. Just when I thought I fell into the majority. I'm still back to that minority. But, you know, something kind of crazy that Tony Romo getting married, he married Candace Crawford. Angel. Yeah, she's a pretty girl. But people are really surprised because Jerry Jones was at the wedding. And, you know, with everything that's going on, owners and players are not supposed to have any contact away from the negotiating table. But Jerry Jones got special dispension from the NFL so that he could attend. Yeah. Hey, Tony, I need you to really step up this year, all right? You've got to win the Super Bowl. And congratulate her. And congratulate her. She's a peach. Hey, Roger. Roger Goodell. This is Jerry. Is it okay if I go to Tony's wedding? Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Don't talk strategy. I'm not going to talk any strategy, but listen, if it makes it any easier, a decision, I'll send a couple of prostitutes up to New York. I don't know any.
I'm not saying I know any. If I did. If I did know any. What's your address? What would your... What's your Manhattan office? Also, Tony Romo picked out every single song at their wedding and when it played. I thought that was kind of interesting. Most guys are not that involved. Weird. When it plays, he did the whole playlist in the order they went in. Yeah. If you're a wedding DJ and you're DJing for an NFL player, you probably wouldn't veer from that list. Yeah. You'd be like, all right. You got it. I'll stick to it. I'll stick to the list. Whatever. I wonder if there's something blue as a Dallas star. Ooh. Do you think that he at some point pulled him aside? He goes, hey, Tony, Tony, I definitely have Karma Chameleon. And if I don't, I can download it. The problem is True Colors, the version that you want from Cyndi Lauper, I don't have it because you want some import version of it. Do you have that that I can plug it in? And this stick song I have, I'm good with that.
I do not have this version of Faith by George Michael. Electric slide. Because this is like, it looks like this is a club mix or something. It's a club remix, so I don't have it. I don't have acoustic hokey pokey. I just have the standard. Just the accordion style one. I can get the YMCA in there for you. Right. That I do have. Standard. And I wasn't sure, like, please don't get offended. I wasn't, you put It's Raining Men and I'm not, I don't know if that was. I mean, if you want it, I'll play it. I just didn't know if you were trying to pull one on me. Do a bit. Do a bit with me. He married former Miss Missouri. Who hasn't? She's really pretty. Looks like Carrie Underwood. She's so hot. Who he also dated. Ah. Go see, Mike. I think he has a type. And he dated Jessica Simpson. Yeah, they all look alike. Yeah. Hot blondes. It's Texas way. Yeah. It's the sister of Chase Crawford, who's on Gossip Girl. Don't know what either of those things are. Don't know what Chase Crawford is and I didn't know what Gossiper was. He is a person. Not a thing. Don't know either one of those things. Hi, Hill. Hi, guys. How are you? Great. How are you guys? Very good. What do you think of the new picture window in the studio? Oh, my gosh. Wow. It's finally here. Big old giant windows in here.
It's important to have a bigger window. Well, it's beautiful. You get a big, beautiful view. It makes you feel all good. Yeah, I can't wait to walk back into my studio. This many windows. Zero. It's like a submarine. Yes, it is a cave. That's right. What do you got coming up? I grabbed Jane's Addiction and Leaky Lee's new record and Two Door Cinema Club and also Incubus and The Tempered Trap. And the strokes, I'm trying to remember. Sweet. But good stuff, yes. There you go. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next, and we will come back tomorrow morning at 6 and do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out.