The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 06/10/11
Friday, June 10, 2011
radio and comedy careersparenting chaoscats and online datingCasey Anthony trialreality televisionmarriage and divorceaddiction and faithself image and embarrassmentradiocomedyparentingcats
Mikey mixed personal history with comedy, recalling how Alex Bennett's live radio show pulled him away from school and how Carol Leifer's discouragement redirected him from stand-up toward radio. The crew's strongest comic bits included Debbie's cat-obsessed dating video, their embarrassing yearbook messages, the uncomfortable massage ritual, and Mikey's chaotic night caring for a house full of sick children with Rebecca. On more serious ground, Mikey argued that Casey Anthony's calm, elaborate stories revealed a practiced liar, while Sienna and the others debated disruptive reality television, child-tracking technology, and who among them was objectively most annoying. Bobby Slayton then delivered a rapid, deliberately offensive career retrospective before Mikey ended with a sober account of alcoholism, faith, recovery, and where listeners could seek help.
What happened, in order
The Fair's Virtual Leash
The hosts debate a $9.99 ankle device that lets lost children alert parents and warns security if a child leaves the San Diego County Fair.
The Real World Invades Bird Rock
Sienna fumes that MTV is moving The Real World into a $3.5 million Bird Rock house, arguing that the cast's partying will disrupt a family neighborhood.
Mikey Skips School for Radio
Mikey recalls skipping high school to watch Alex Bennett's live radio show, then abandoning stand-up after comedian Carol Leifer bluntly told him he would never make it.
The Awkward Massage Knock
Mikey and Jay turn the anxious wait for a massage therapist to reenter the room into an escalating bit about nudity, shame, and getting under the sheet in record time.
Debbie Loves Every Cat
The crew plays Debbie's tearful online-dating video about wanting to hug every cat, then argues over whether cats truly love their owners or merely tolerate whoever supplies food and clean litter.
Casey Anthony's Unshaken Lies
Mikey walks through Casey Anthony's invented nanny, fake Universal Studios job, and eerily fluent police answers, arguing that her courtroom emotion reflected the pressure of maintaining her own lies.
The Annoying Test
The cast scores itself on pickiness, arrogance, control, and irritation, with Sienna rated most annoying and the others accusing low-scoring Jay of gaming the test.
Yearbook Confessions
Mikey, Woodsy, and Jay confess the painfully overeager messages they wrote in girls' yearbooks, including Woodsy's ominous question about whether a classmate was ready for more in Cancun.
The Facebook Murder-Plot Reversal
A divorcing husband arrested after discussing his wife's murder with a fake teenage Facebook profile produced a dated affidavit saying he knew the profile was his wife and was baiting her back.
The Entire House Gets Sick
Mikey describes Rebecca vomiting, Ryan vomiting and crying, Jake screaming, and Luke urinating on the carpet as the instant parenthood felt like total madness.
Bobby Slayton Unfiltered
Bobby Slayton barrels through stories about Alex Bennett, Robin Williams, Dana Carvey, acting jobs, offensive comedy, and the sponsor-losing joke that earned him the nickname Pit Bull of Comedy.
Mikey's Testimony
Mikey closes by recounting his alcoholism, depression, conversion to Christianity, and recovery, directing listeners with addictions or mental-health struggles to practical help on the show's website.
People mentioned
MikeySiennaLauren O'BrienWoodsyJayRebecca EsparzaAlex BennettCarol LeiferCasey AnthonyCaylee AnthonyBobby SlaytonRobin WilliamsDana Carvey
38,396 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Mikey's show on a Friday with a live. Mikey's show is myself. My name is Mikey. I am 41 years of age and getting over my illness that we had in our house for the last week. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35 years old. And the guy is a grill master. We're going to be doing some grill stuff this summer, if we ever get some summer. around this joint. It's supposed to be warm. Is it? Yeah. This weekend? This summer. Oh, good. Look outside. Looks like Bangor, Maine like it did last year. Mike, give me a bowl of that chowder. Yeah, you want some chowder? Anybody want a lobster roll? Can I borrow your parka? Edward Collins says it's cold here. Did you shake your galoshes off before you came in this morning? No, I probably got the...
Carpet all wet. Oh, boy. Again. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB, is our assistant producer, our resident comedian. Hi. And got me started on this. Because she has very white teeth. So I said, what do you brush your teeth with? She told me. I started using it. And the stuff, you know, it works. But I just don't like the taste of it. As I said, the first one's free. The next one goes in your mouth. Thank you very much, Charlie. It does. Sienna is our news girl. She's a little upset about what's happening with MTV. We'll explain later. And Jay is our producer. He is 47 years of age. He will be 48 very soon. That's right. Jay's birthday is Monday the 20th. So a little over a week away. Great. That's right. I'm going to be saying 48-year-old Jay. How about that? I bet we just dropped that bit. I'm all in favor. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Krause. That's Krause. And just to let you know, we are going to be giving you the results of the annoying test. We took an annoying test, okay? And at 8 o'clock this morning, we're going to tell you what the results of the annoying test were, all right? It's a real test. We'll post it online and how you can take it.
But we all took it, and I sent everybody instructions and said, I want you to all be very honest in answering these questions. Because a lot of times you realize as you read these questions, you're like, I guess I could, you know, instead of putting a five, I could put a two. Nobody's going to know. Who's going to know? I'll just put a two. But I told everybody to be really honest. We'll find out what the results are. And the word of the day today is bell. When you hear me say the word bell between now and 10 o'clock, caller number nine gets a pair of tickets to the Kings of Leon at Cricket Wireless September 4th. The fair opens today, ladies and gentlemen. Nice. The theme is Race to the Fair. And the fair is open today through the 4th of July, which is Monday. And just so you know, the fair is always closed on Mondays. That's cool, Sienna. My race is Mexican. Yes. And so, you know, that will be my race at the fair. And so each person, I guess, can have their own race at the fair. Mine is Mexican. So that's cool. On the website, they're like cars. Race to the fair. Gotcha.
Also, the fair is doing something really cool this year. If you're a parent and you worry about your kids there, this is very cool because on average, two to three kids are reported lost at the San Diego County Fair every day. Happened to my brother there when he was little. It was the scariest thing ever. But now you can buy this new gadget that they're selling for $9.99. You get it when you walk into the fair. And basically... They're saying they have like a virtual fence around the fairgrounds. You put this little device on your kid's ankle. And if they were to leave the barrier of the fence around, an alarm goes off for the people that are watching in the security dispatch room or to the parents. The parents get a text message if your kid leaves that barrier. Also, on the device, there's a little button that a kid can push if they get lost, which sends a text immediately to the parents. Wow. Isn't that cool? Yeah, it is. And to the dispatcher so they can locate where the kid is. But that's only if they leave the fairgrounds? Well, I mean, if you get lost, you can push the button if you're a little kid. And you're like, I don't know where my mom is. You just push the button and a text is sent out. They can find you. Okay, but that works within the fairgrounds too. Yes. Okay, cool. Which is great because that means, you know.
Oh, my kid's over by the Ferris wheel. Didn't know. But if your kid doesn't hit the button and some creep has found your kid, God forbid, and trying to take them out of the fair, if they leave the fairgrounds, like I said, there's a virtual fence. It will go off. Well, I want, as a parent, to be able to hit a button and know where they are. You know, I wish that it was both ways, you know, like I could just know where they are. You know what I mean? How about just watch them? Yeah, just watch them. That's an even better idea. Try to just watch them. If something else happens, my mom, she went to the top of the, you know, the big slide where you go in the sack, potato sack, and she saw my brother from up there. That's how she found him. Wow. Just Hawkeye and up there real good. Oh, and he actually saw her standing up there, too. Oh, wow. That's great. I know. So, I'll probably make my annual trip to... Walk into the fair, get corn, and walk right out. No rides for you? No. You don't want to see the exhibition hall? No. Oh, they have the Plaza de Mexico? No? You don't want to check that out? No. That's like every other day. Yeah, I guess so. You know what I mean? Not interested. You're not going to see anything there. You're not going to see at home. You know what I mean? Probably see more at home, actually. Yeah, exactly.
House is like a Spanish museum. I will see more at home, you're saying, than I would see at Plaza de Mexico. Absolutely. There's more in this studio. Yeah, exactly. There's a piñata here. There's sombreros everywhere. Yeah, but that's only because you guys. No, no, no. This was the decor that you insisted upon when we moved in here. This is all the stuff that was left over from your house. You just couldn't store it. Exactly. I mean, I know how hard you fought for that Spanish tile in here. It's going to come one day. The walls are adobe. I mean, it's crazy. It's true. All right, Sienna, tell everybody about what happened yesterday. This was huge news with Newt Gingrich. Republican Newt Gingrich, presidential candidate, well, had a bunch of members on his team bail on him. And I mean... Bunch of numbers. Mainly Rick Tyler, who is his main spokesman. He said, well, he said that there was a difference of opinion on how to move forward. And his campaign manager, Rob Johnson, bailed. His senior strategist, Dave Carney, bailed, left the campaign. And, you know, because of this, it's going to be scaring off a lot of would-be financial contributors. You know, who's going to help him now without these guys behind him? If you're new, do you go, OK, well, I'm going to put together a new team or do you go?
It's not in the cards for me. It's not in the cards this year. What happens? I mean, how does that just happen? I guess because they felt like, well, here's one thing. One thing is that his senior campaign manager was being wooed by the governor of Texas, Rick Perry. And so that's one thing. The other folks, I don't know. I mean, it could be a deal where they were just going. They said time commitment, I read. Well, whatever they're saying in the real deal. Right. Whatever they're saying is not going to be the real deal. That's what I mean. Yeah. Could it be a scandal? Could there be something coming out that they're like, we don't want to be involved in this? Maybe. That's what I'm thinking. Maybe they just think he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Could be. They've been with him for a while. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, that was huge news with Newt yesterday. Can you believe that? I can't. I really cannot.
I can't. The Mavs are up on the dream team, the Heat. It's something else, man. Those guys are playing with fire and passion. And LeBron James, actually, the guy threw up a triple-double last night, which is great. Quietest triple-double in history, though. Two points in the fourth quarter. He looks like a scared deer out there. He looks petrified. You know, he, in the fourth quarter, which is when... King James needs to step up his game. He's standing out on the wing. He's not doing anything. He's not involved. He's throwing up bricks. I'm like, oh, my gosh. It was insane. So Dirk Nowitzki has been absolutely incredible. Watching this, I want a ring for that guy, man, because he plays so hard. 29 points for him. Jason Terry threw up 21. And, man, back to Miami. Game six on Sunday. They are one win away from an NBA title in Dallas. Oh, my gosh. And who would have thunk it, man, with the Lakers in their way, the Heat in their way, the Trailblazers in their way, and look at them now. And the Heat, they're supposed to be the greatest thing ever. Yeah, it's an anomaly, man. I mean, there's just no explaining it except for an absolute choke job. Now, our news girl, Sienna, is from La Jolla. She's born and raised, grew up there her whole life, La Jolla High, the whole thing.
And she is none too happy about who's moving into her neighborhood. MTV's The Real World. I am enraged. Oh, I would be. I am. I mean, I'm serious. Like anytime I now see even the MTV logo, I like want to punch someone. But I mean, I'm sure you remember they were here. MTV, the real world. They filmed in Point Loma before they turned a restaurant into a house and all kinds of shenanigans happened. Two of the cast members were arrested. A 22 year old woman claimed she was raped in that house back in 2003 when they were here, but no charges were filed. There's a mean drama in La Jolla. Yes. And I saw the cast members when they were here before. party for halloween and they were just ridiculous really like they were stars yeah and people here obviously in san diego are very territorial and they don't like people coming in right and
Nothing is going to be good about this. Because I just know the guys that live in that area and it's not going to be good. But they're going to be coming here. The next season of The Real World will be in Bird Rock, which is just south of La Jolla. And the house that they're staying in is a $3.5 million home. It's 6,800 square feet. It has a pool, rooftop tennis court, life-size chess set up there on the roof. Sounds like The Real World. Yeah. Sounds exactly like the real world. I should try to check out the house just for the purpose of the show. I can give you guys like a first-hand account. Yeah, maybe just break in there and hang out. Yeah, neighbors in that area. I don't live near this place. I mean, not very close. But people that are right in that neighborhood are furious because there's a lot of kids in that neighborhood. Bird Rock is like, I mean, that's just a family neighborhood. And so you're going to bring in these kids that are going to be partying all hours of the night. Everything about it upsets me. Everything. Not bad. It's going to turn into drama. I can't watch the real world because it's like drama. It's just terrible. It's just terrible. It's not real. It's not the real world. It's everything I remember about being young that I didn't like. It made you real nervous. It made me nervous. Yeah, man. Being drunk and fighting. I can't handle it.
Just everybody slaying everybody real good in there. Sounds awful. If you want me to go in and check it out from a ground floor level, I can do it. The house is gigantic. You can see a picture of the house. It's a hotel, basically. What do they do? MTV pays to rent the place or something? Yeah. It's right above Tourmaline Beach. Oh, wow. Three and a half million bucks. 6,800 square feet. That's insane. That is. That's nuts. Oh my gosh. So start looking for camera crews. You'll see them. 5701949 is our number if you want to text 949mikey at gmail.com. The wildfires in Arizona are not only big, they are the size of two major cities. Yeah, well they're saying it's bigger. The area where the fires have scorched are bigger than L.A. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, they've been calling it the second biggest fire ever in Arizona. Now it's coming up to be the first. It's called the Wallow Fire. And excuse me. There are crews battling this fire right now. And they're hoping today the winds are supposed to be dying down a lot, which is going to help them. Because as of right now, only 5% is contained. That's gnarly. Yeah. Sad, man. Very sad. They confirmed that 29 houses have been destroyed, which.
Seems pretty small when you think of the fires covering, you know, L.A., but thousands and thousands of people have been evacuated and, you know, in shelters right now. It's crazy. Yeah. Hey, the Foo Fighters apparently have, you know, this documentary out that we've been hearing about for a while, which I really want to see. Me too. But from what I'm hearing about this documentary, they don't sugarcoat anything, which is part of the reason that it's so popular. Yeah, it came out on iTunes on Wednesday, and it's going to be arriving on DVD and Blu-ray next Tuesday. But yeah, they're saying that it shows drug overdose. They discuss it at length. Hawkins. Taylor Hawkins. Yeah, he admits that he was even uncomfortable watching it. They put it all out there. He's the one that OD'd. And he didn't, you know, he was really bummed about this whole thing when it came out. Did you see it, Woods? No, but I'm gonna. Do you know what he OD'd on? Pills. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, big love the pills. Yeah, he said it was a wild time and I was a wild idiot out of my mind and really wasn't ready to try and grow up even a little bit. Oh, wow. Yeah, and he was none too pleased about this documentary. He didn't want it to be made in the first place kind of thing? Oh, wow.
That's pretty gnarly. The hammer of Dave Grohl dropped on his head, though. Yeah. We're doing this. 570-1949 is the number if you want to get a hold of us. Bobby Slayton, comedian Bobby Slayton, will be in later today. But you know what it is? See, if you guys aren't married, I've got to explain something to you because it's too late for me and the married guys here. Marriage is a job. Women don't tell you it's a job until after you're married. You've heard these stories. Oh, you have to work on the marriage. Well, I didn't know I had to work on this. You didn't tell me it was a job before I took the damn job. And to be honest with you, it's a crappy job. There's no paycheck. There's no vacation. And the more time you put in, the less benefits you seem to get. And God forbid you look at another woman. I'm not talking about a Jesse James or a Tiger Woods. I'm talking about looking. You can't even, what are you looking at? I'm thinking about a second job. I am trying to keep this family together in these difficult economic times. What's really interesting, and maybe I'm dating myself here, but I get a 21-year-old daughter who's moving out. And you know what's really sad? And if you're a dad, you know this. Your kids grow up. They move out. It's a fact of life. But how come your children can't stay with you?
And your wife grows up and moves out. How great would that be? I think that would be okay. Honey, look at you. You're 50. You're getting big. It's about time you got your own place. Come on. You're getting big. You don't cook. You don't put out. You need to get an apartment. They call him the pit bull of comedy, Bobby Slayton. He'll be in the studio today. Here's what's so crazy about it to me is that I've told a story before about I didn't graduate from high school, which isn't good. And, you know, I want to point out that, you know, you give your kid, you should be staying in school, yada, yada. But the reason that I didn't graduate is because I didn't go to school. What I did instead was I would drive up to San Francisco every morning to be a part of a live studio audience, much like the one that we have right now. And it was on the Alex Bennett show. And instead of just doing a live studio audience on Friday, the live studio audience every day that a live studio audience. And I'd roll up there. Nobody asked me any questions. Nobody said like, hey, how old are you? Aren't you supposed to be in school, kid? Nothing. You again? So I would roll up there every single day and I would sit in that studio audience. And what Alex Bennett did, the station was called Live 105. And what he did was he would have these comedians in every day. And they were all friends of his. And he would just sit there and he'd rap with them. And they would be funny and they'd talk about whatever was going on.
Well, Bobby Slayton was one of those guys consistently that was just always in there. He was just always in there. And so I would be in the studio laughing at all these different comedians. Bobby Slayton was one of them. So he was a guy that I always looked at that was sort of a celebrity. Well, when I got to KSJO in San Jose, which is right down the road from San Francisco, he was a guest one time. It was a big deal for me. Today, the same thing. I mean, it's sort of, I don't know what that, what's the word? Surreal? Surreal. A little bit surreal, you know, that all those years ago when I was a 17-year-old kid. This is fun, too. I remember one time I was not in the studio, but I called into the radio show. OK, because there was comedians in there and they were talking about being comics and all that kind of thing. And at the time I was trying to be a stand up comic as a kid. I was trying to work places that I could work, but I couldn't get into places that were 21 and over. And people would hire me in high school and I'd have a stage and a PA and I'd get up. I had a routine and I'd get up and do it. And that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a comic. And so I called in one day and I was talking to him about it. And Alex Bennett says, listen, kid.
You may be the funniest 17-year-old at Gilroy High School, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily funny. And I said, let me come in and sit in on the show. Let me sit in and let me riff with these guys. And he said, no, I'm not going to let you do that. You're responsible. Which, by the way, if any 17-year-old kid asked me if they could do that, I'd say the same thing. No. I know you think it's easy, but now the truth is I could have sat and ripped with those guys. There's no doubt. But he gave me a phone number of a comedian, and she's relatively well-known. If I said her name, mine's blank right now. It was Carolyn something. But anyway, she's a very well-known comic that was on. Well, I got to know Alex Bennett from going there every day. He gave me her number, so I called. And I talked to her and she goes, you'll never make it. You'll never make it in comedy. Comedy is the hardest, you know, field to make it in. Carol Liefer. Carol Liefer. That was her name. Carol Liefer. And she said, you'll never make it in comedy. She said, and most people that think they're funny aren't. You know, blah, blah, blah. She went on and on and on. Totally discouraged me. And I never pursued stand up from that point on.
Okay, I mean, I clearly had a different way that I was supposed to go. And, you know, truthfully, I believe that I've done stand-up. I just don't do it on a stage. I do it here. And, you know, that was what I was supposed to do. Well, oh, wow. I just thought you have the body for comedy. Okay, all right. I get what that was. Right out of the box. Just right out of the box. He just wants a fire and just gets you to where you're down. Bow and arrow. Can't even stand. Yeah, bow and arrow in there. But anyway, so Bobby Slayton will be in today, and I'll discuss that stuff with him. You look like Louie Anderson, Mikey. Yeah, Mike. You're so fat. You look like a Mexican Louie Anderson. You're like, yeah, Mike, you're like Louise Anderson. Even if you do stand up, everyone thinks you're just sick. Stand up, Mark. So, hey, yesterday, a major story out of, I even got an email. I woke up this morning. My wife had sent me an email.
And said, did you see what happened here in Carlsbad? It was really a gnarly story. What happened, Sienna? A 23-year-old girl, actually, a Carlsbad woman. They haven't given out her name. She died in a car crash yesterday afternoon. It was around 2.53 p.m. She was driving at the intersection of El Camino Real and Levante Street. And she was driving in a little white sedan. And she was going south on El Camino Real. And she drove into the bike lane to go around. There was, like, traffic. Yeah, there was traffic. She was trying to go around a slowed car. or a stopped car and she went up on the sidewalk a little bit. Her tires went up onto the sidewalk and the car got the end of a light pole and then she overcorrected, passed through the intersection and then crashed head on into another light pole. The photograph, what they're showing even on television, is like the light pole is in the middle of the car. It's almost as if this light pole... hit with such impact that it crashed all the way to the middle of the car. It looks like, yeah, the driver's seat, the pole is literally coming up from the driver's seat. I mean, I don't know how she wasn't driving. I mean, it looks like that this car was traveling 100 miles an hour. Says the speed limit, 55 miles per hour.
Wow. Yeah. Now, they don't know. The cause of the crash is under investigation, but she was ejected from the car. The car burst into flames. She did not survive. Yeah. Just a crazy story. She was airlifted to Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla, and the police were notified that she died at 444. Yeah. Now, we've talked about this before. A lot of times when people, celebrities do interviews, they say, I'll do this interview. I just don't want to talk about this. Well, one of the things that Mark Anthony may not want to talk about is his wife J-Lo's sex tape. Somebody decided they were going to ask him about it. He got up and walked out. We have the audio. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9.
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Are you annoying, Test? And I'll read you the question so as you're listening in your car, you can take it along with us. We've already taken it, all of us, here on the Mikey Show, and we'll give you the results of how annoying it says that we are. So we'll do that in just a little bit. 8 o'clock we'll be doing it. Word of the day is bell. And so you've got to be listening for the word of the day. And when I say the word bell between now and 10 o'clock, caller number 9 gets a pair of tickets to go see the Kings of Leon with Band of Horses at Cricket. So hang on for that. Mark Anthony is married to J-Lo. They've been married a long time, too. Yeah. In Hollywood years, really, really long time. J-Lo years. Exactly. Married like five times. That's true. So for her, it's like a hundred years. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, she's doing an interview with Univision. Thank you. And he has... I'm taking a leap here, but I'm going to say he's asked them not to ask about the sex tape with J-Lo. Happy birthday. But they want to know and they want to ask. Next question. Next question. Next question. Next question. Next question. I think he wants the next question. Makes me so nervous. He got up and walked out. Well, here's my thing.
My deal is, is that, you know, he's probably doing an interview for something Mark Anthony related. Now, I don't mind if you ask questions about my wife or whatever. But the sex tape thing, you know, I mean, if it has to do with your wife, you want to protect your wife, you know. So you just don't, you know, that's the deal. I think he's trying to protect his wife. What's he going to say, by the way? It's an unfortunate situation, and we're dealing with it as a family. That's it. But it doesn't stop there. It's not a sex tape. It's a picture of her butt. I mean, big deal. Is it? Yeah. I don't even know. It's not a sex tape. Oh, Honey Noah, one of her exes, he is releasing it. He's also, you know, tried to sue her multiple times, writing a tell-all book about her. Oh, it's the nut job? Yeah. Yeah, he's the worst. He's got a picture of her butt. Yeah, it's a video of her butt, of her running around in her butt. Great. I'll show you my butt right now. Okay, so it's out there. Yeah. Okay. So, if that had happened, let's say that Rebecca had been in a relationship, same deal.
And somebody's asking me about it. I know because I've done interviews before. If I go, yeah, you know, it's an unfortunate situation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then all they're going to do is continue to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. It's with the intent to rile you up. Sure. You don't want to talk about it. Woods, your opinion is that, you know, why should he talk about it? Well, why should he? Yeah. My opinion is why shouldn't he? He didn't want to. Okay. Well, happy birthday. You're doing an interview. I mean, they're going to ask you about stuff. Listen, if somebody interviews me and they ask me about my past, I don't really like talking about my past. I screwed up a bunch, but I will. It's not your past. It's your wife's past. Okay. You asked me about my wife's past. I'm like, well, okay. You'll be more protective over her than yourself. This is what's going down right now. There's a picture of my wife's butt out there. And, yeah, it's wild. You know, this guy's an idiot. This Dahani, her ex-husband, is an idiot. And it sucks. It really sucks. I would be protective. What he just did gives more fuel to the fire. I don't like it. I'm leaving. Oh my gosh, what? I think he stood up for something. He's like, hey, you're going to ask the wrong questions? Well, you know who's not going to get an interview? You. Jay got a massage yesterday. That's true. And Jay says something that I actually agree with here. This is the worst part of getting a massage. The time between
When they tell you to get undressed and under the covers and the time that she comes back in after she closes the door. Scary. Yeah. Well, yeah, because now here's the deal. They don't just walk in. They always ready, you know, and you feel like a pervert no matter what. Because you're nude. Yeah. So you're in there with the music playing. And no matter what, when they go. Is it okay? Do I not say anything? Do I say, come in? Or do you go, yeah. Everything's in place. No matter what, when you hear that door knock, and I don't know if this is a deal, I'll ask you ladies if this is a deal for women, but no matter what, as a guy, when you're getting a massage and you're laying underneath that sheet, and you feel like a sex pervert, you feel like you're at a brothel,
and that you're like, shamefully you're ready to go, yes, you may come in. You may enter. You may enter and do what I've paid you to do. Yes, in fact, I am a John. Yes, you can come in because I'm now nude. Under a blanket, waiting for you to come in, put oils, exotic oils on your hands, and then rub my body for 60 minutes. At the conclusion of which, you will say, all right, how was that? Oh, gosh. I'll answer, that was wonderful. Then you'll say to me, I'm going to be right outside and I'll get you something to drink. Then you'll leave the room. I'll feel like a pervert. Pull the sheet off of me. Stand up off the table. Nude. Put on my robe. And come outside. I used to put my clothes back on, weirdo. You do? My clothes are in the locker.
You're talking about two different places, a spa and a massage room. Yeah, Woods is like, well, I... Jay. Jay, yeah. Jay's like, yeah, I go to a special place, Mike. It's called Asian Tan. It's really a tanning salon is what it is. And they got tanning beds. Nobody uses them, but they're there. It's a front is what it is, y'all. Mike, Mike, it's called Asian Tan. They have two completely unused and old tanning beds. They ain't even plugged in. It was supposed to be a pedicure, but I talked her into giving me a massage. Did I talk her into it? She asked me to do it. Listen, there's two tanning beds in the whole place. There's 18 massage tables. And people in the know know that this ain't no tanning salon. There's a code word. And what they do is they email it to you. Yesterday I went, it was bonsai. You walk in. Now, I walked in, and because I can't pronounce the words I read, I walked in, and I went, Bonze. Bonze. Bonze. I almost made a huge mistake yesterday. You know when you go from laying on your stomach to flipping over? Yes. I went to flip over, and I almost slid off the table. My arm slid off the side of the table, and I was on my way off. I was like, whoo!
Naked Jake tumbling on the floor. Rolling around. I don't know how to tell you this, but I seem to have broke my hip. My back is out. Hit me. Hit me. My back's all locked up. Excuse me, Nogachaka. But I seem to have hurt my hip. Is it Miss Nogachaka or just Nogachaka? It is pronounced Nogasaki. Sorry. But I broke my hip. Damn oily band. There's oil everywhere. It's like a slip and slide in here. Oh, boy. Jay getting a massage. He says, I can tell you for the record, I must hold the record for getting naked and under the covers in less than 30 seconds. I do the same thing. Oh, yeah. You're like...
For something that's supposed to be relaxing, it's the opposite. I'm going to leave the room. And you go ahead and just get comfortable. I need you face down on that little donut there. And then I'll knock when I come back. Okay? Sure. Sounds great. I always try to pretend that it's the first time I've ever heard any of this before. So I'm like, okay. Ah, okay. Okay. And then you'll... And then I'll... Okay. Got it. So when I hear... Then I... Okay. All right. Do you guys all know to go face down? Oh, yeah. Well, they tell you, too. No, a lot don't. They say, put your face down. They usually say, put your face down. Yeah, we'll tell you. There's nothing creepier than a guy that's face forward with them walking in. That's the creepiest. He's like, he's got one hand right there. He's like, you ready to do this? He's doing the Al Bundy. Yeah.
They've never told me face down, so I don't know. Mikey and Jay, I've gotten two massages my whole life. Can't you wear your boxers? Yeah, you can. You can't. Do you regret it the whole time? I've probably, in my lifetime, I got over that. I got over that. So you're just fancy free in there. I'm fancy free. It's the best. Listen, there was a period of time. where it's like the old guy that wears the jeans up to the middle of his stomach. There was a day where he wasn't okay wearing his jeans up to his stomach. He was wearing DJs. He was wearing designer jeans, but there came a time where he went, I don't care, it's more comfortable to wear my jeans up to my chest. To my breasts. Right. There was a time where a guy didn't wear a holster for his cell phone. And the day before, the day before, he was like, the day before, and this is probably what happened. He busted his cell phone and he had to go get a new one. And while he was there, he went, that holster looks pretty good. And this is what's happening in his head. It's dark as I'll get up. No, I don't care. I never cared. I'm getting it.
Because I know I just wrote a check for $100 to get this new phone, and I ain't doing that again. Right. I'll put it right here in the holster. Same bit with the spa. There was a time where I had to wear my underwear because I felt like too self-conscious. I was like, what if she sees part of my butt? Right. I still wonder if I'm going to cross the line. Because I do the no underwear thing, and I always wonder if she's going to be like, oh, wow, that kind of party. It's that kind of party. I don't know. I've worn my underwear a couple times, and the lady doing the massage almost seemed like she was more angry than I had underwear on. She's like, of course. Of course. Of course she was. Hey, excuse me, but when a man that looks like you comes in here, I need him naked. You've got to be naked. Please take them underwear off. Please. All right, fine. I'm not beneath it. I beg you.
to take off your trousers. Don't put an extra layer in between the two of us, okay? I'm begging you. No britches. I need to touch that skin, and I need to touch it now. Okay, fine. Please, Mr. Isbell, may you take off your... Simon says... Sounds like my job interview with you, Mikey. Because when he interviewed, asked him to remove his clothing. I thought it was weird. Weren't you guys at Rubio's? Oh, wow. Don't you get the, like, side of the butt massage? Oh, yeah. You don't get that if you have underwear on. Yeah. They're not going to do it over the underwear. They will. Won't they? No. No? They will. It's not as good. I swear, I wear a teaback when I go because it makes it a little bit easier. Your legs are exposed. Lauren O'Brien? Yes. Do you request a female or a male? No, but I...
I've had both. African American. The first massage I ever had. Yes, they go, would you like a male or a female? And she goes, black guy. I don't care. That was the first massage I ever had was a black guy. And I was too uncomfortable the whole time. I was like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I've hit the mother load. I've hit the mother load. So ever since then, I've had females. So you do request. No, it's just, I think it's more common for females to be masseuses or masseurs. Masseurs. Masseurs. I love all parts of you. So wait, when you call and they say, would you like a man or a woman? They never ask me. They don't? No. So you just make the appointment and whatever you get, you get? Yeah, and now the person that I go to is the same person I sent Jay to. Adrienne is just, she's the only one there. So I know what I'm getting. She's good. Oh, that sounded so long. I meant it in the, she's good. She really is, though. She's strong, got strong hands. Worst massage I ever got was by a woman named Helga. I'll never forget Helga. Never forget Helga. She was a... Please. Please, Jay. Say it, Jay. So it's worse than the red-headed guy who... Ginger who rubbed you? Red eyelashes. Okay. So... I'll never forget the second worst massage that I ever had. It was a woman named Helga. She was about 58 years old.
She had salt and pepper hair. Short? Long. Oh, God. She had long salt and pepper hair. She looked like an oil painting. And she walked into the room, and the instant she started to massage me, it was extraordinarily painful. And she said, how's the pressure? And I said, Why did you lie? Because I was too embarrassed to say that she was hurting me. I wanted to be masculine. I wanted to be masculine. I wanted to be courageous and brave. And I wanted to be a man. As you laid there nude on a massage table, you wanted to be a man. Yes. And I imagine she had the type of hands that would knit together steel luggage. Very specific.
I like it that way. If luggage were made of steel, her hands could back steel and put together the steel luggage. She got to, she did this thing. She got to my shoulder and she started to push her thumb that hot dog sized Abe Vigoda thumb into my shoulder. with the strength of three armies. And I couldn't tell her that the pressure was too much. It hurt so bad. How long? 60 minutes? 60 minutes. Soar the next day. The next day I'm black and blue. Let's see. This is M1 Cam from Oceanside. Good morning.
Yeah, so a couple years ago, my friend and I were in Japan hanging out with his ex-wife and daughter. And we went to a Japanese onsen, you know, the bathhouse. And then we got some massages. Well, we didn't have a choice in the matter. It was a couple of dudes. And they didn't knock on the door to announce themselves when they were ready to do the massage. Because there was no door. There was no room. It was in an open area. They're like, settle down. We've seen it all before. It's like the toilets in jail. There's no walls. And we were like three feet away. The beds were three feet away. So, like, I look over and I see my buddy's face. And he has this look of horror. Because there's this little, you know, four foot nothing dude who's older than, you know, Gandhi. And he doesn't say a word. He just motions with his hand when he wants him to turn over and everything. And I didn't even get a chance to see the guy who was on my face because he was like, boom, the whole time. I couldn't move. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't say anything. This is going to hurt a little. Just so you know. Oh, it's just tense the whole time. Excuse me.
It's really just my shoulder that I just need work on. Oh, but I insist. It's all right. It is not a good gesture. I'm really scared right now. If you want to roll over. WDBJ in Roanoke, Virginia. Television station. This poor woman. This has happened. It's happened to the best of us. This poor woman was only trying to give a breaking news report. More teens are having luck, rather, finding summer jobs. More teens are doing that. That was a live broadcast. Ouch. More teens are having luck, rather, finding summer jobs. Whoops. What's she doing now?
Hey, Mary, when we go into break, can you... Hey, grab your laptop. Come on in here. Hey, Mary, come on in here. I need to talk to you for a minute. Hey, bring your key card. Fired her. You fired her. Then rehired her. Then I fired her. Jay just printed me some text messages. Oh, weird. This one says, love, love, love when Jay laughs. He's such a daggone fun guy. Love him, M1SB. This one says, Jay being born was definitely a miracle. Oh, that must be from yesterday. Yeah, I thought it was a keeper. Digging around for him. We were talking about miracles yesterday. Jay saved that one to make sure I read it today. That's actually my blog, too, Mike. If you want to look at MikeyShow.com, that's my blog. This one says, Jay is amazing. Yes. He should have a whole hour, at the very least...
on the show dedicated just for him. M1AM. Working on it. The next one is from M1Shelly. It says, Jay's always, and that's all capitalized, always, always write three exclamation points. And then M1, this last one says, well, since Jay is like a father to us all, I now do the shirt shimmy. It's M1A. Jay you! Do you? Why, people? I know it. You're feeding the fire. You're feeding the fire. He's going to walk into Garrett's office, our program director, and be like, hey, listen, I think the people have spoken. You're going to give me my own segment. You're going to give me my own show. You're going to give me my own show or I'm walking. I'm walking right now. If I walk, they're going with me. If I walk, I'm taking all them listeners with me. I'll go to Kixi. I don't care. I'll kick Jeff and Jay right out of those seats. That's right. Care less. Jeff and Jay. Yeah, Jeff and Jay. How about Jay and Jay? Jay and Jay. We got some pretty good news in our family yesterday. This is something that we've been praying about for two years, but we found out yesterday that our twin boys, Luke and Ryan, are typically developing kids and that they do not have any issues. Yay! It was really cool. It was awesome, man. Yeah, it was great.
We made the appointment back in February, and we're able to get him in and test him yesterday. But the reason we say it is because our son Jake has had challenges because he's high-functioning autistic. And he's had his challenges with that. And we know it's going to be tough for Jake as he's growing. And we were hoping that the boys, that the twins would not have to. experience uh what jake jake has had to and so we were really lucky yesterday and found out that the both of them are doing really good and so uh that was great news for us um and uh you know like lob was saying this uh off the air today lukey is more uh he's he's ahead of rye rye in terms of the you know just his growth and his you know all of it The little milestones and all that stuff. And so watching Luke is amazing. You know, he's physically very agile kid, but he's also speaking, he says all kinds of stuff. He just talks like crazy. So Luke's more like Rebecca.
Very true. It's a very true fact, actually. Jay. Inappropriate. Do you have to wait until they're a certain age to get that test? I mean, how do you, how does that happen? You usually wait until they're about two. Wow. But you can go before then, you know, if you think that there's any sort of, and that's the thing, early intervention is the great thing. If you see anything that you think is a sign or, you know, and as a mom, you know. Moms know their kids pretty well. So if you think that there's anything that's different or little off, then by all means, get them in as early as you can. Hey, Mike, so you're saying they're not artistic? No, they are not artistic. I found that out. I'm sorry. No paintings or sculptors or anything. There's an easel in the crib. I'm sorry, man. I know you wanted artistic kids. Okay, so let me ask you. If you joined eHarmony, what would you think of a girl that said this? I love cats. I love every kind of cat. I just really love cats. And I just want to hug all of them, but I can't because that's crazy. I can't hug every cat. No, that would be crazy, right? That would be nice. So hug every cat would be crazy.
Well, we've got all that audio. That's just a little snippet, but we'll give you the whole thing next. Make some noise. On FM 94.9. Cox Advanced TV is way more than just TV. It's the absolute best seat in the house with free HD channels. Cox Advanced TV is a 3D movie theater playing the hottest new releases up to 28 days before Netflix or Redbox. And with My Prime Time, it's also a TV genie that puts the shows you miss at your command. Whenever you want to watch them. Plus add whole home DVR and you can pause, fast forward and rewind your shows, movies and sporting events from any room in the house. And with TV online, you can take your shows wherever you go. Cox Advanced TV is all this and a lot more for a lot less. Because now Cox Advanced TV starts at less than $20 a month for three months. Add HBO and Showtime for just $15 a month more for six months. To get this great offer, don't delay. Visit cox.com today.
Cox Advanced TV. It turns your TV into so much more. Limited time offer. Excludes equipment rental, taxes, and other fees. Other restrictions apply. Hey, Rhino here. Welcome to my habitat at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Oh, look at that. You ever just like stare at one? Mesmerizing. Oh, there go some humans on that flight line. Your species is crazy. Ziplining over the entire savanna. Buzzing my head like a condor. Oh, man. I wish you could see this. Mama gorilla carrying a baby like a backpack. Dang, girl, he ate school supplies. Oh, check it out. Humans on a caravan safari. Hey, get a picture of my horn. If you guys get any closer, we're going to have to exchange vows. Or just feed me some apples. I'm cool either way. I'm a rhinoceros. Animals are at home at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Come explore their habitat on our flight line, caravan, or a variety of other safari adventures. To choose your safari, visit SanDiegoZooSafariPark.org. And experience the sights and sounds of an African festival during African extravaganza, July 2nd through August 21st, only at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. This is the sound of Becky using a deposit-friendly ATM from Chase. So, I just push the deposit checks button and slide these checks right in the slot. This is the sound of Jane depositing checks at her bank's ATM. Ugh, I gotta lick this envelope. Ow! Becky. And I get a picture of my checks on the receipt to confirm. Jane.
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Looks like CHP's on the scene. Those roads are kind of slippery in some spots due to that light drizzle. So be careful as you make your way in this morning. This report brought to you by REMAX. Nobody sells more real estate than REMAX. Find an agent near you at REMAX.com. REMAX, outstanding agents, outstanding results. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, Lincoln Financial Radio Station, and now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't know the difference between odd and even. Lauren. I washed my hands like a thousand times when I could. Woods. I don't know what my point is, but I just felt like saying it. Okay? Sienna. I love salami. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. Today's food is going to be Il Padrino's Pizza and PV. They are good, man. Free pasta for the first 30 people after 4 o'clock today that mentioned that they heard it on the Mikey Show. So, again, that's after 4 o'clock today. Il Padrino Pizza, the first 30 people after 4 that go in there and say they heard it on the Mikey Show. They're at 859 Hornblend in PB. It's around the corner from Northfield. It's the best pizza and pasta in San Diego. Good stuff. IlPadrinoPizza.com if you want to check them out.
Sienna, what's going on in the news? I didn't even know these things existed, but apparently there have been apps for DUIs. Now, there are apps on your phone that will warn drivers of DUI checkpoints. Well, Apple announced that they are banning these apps. They will not have anything to do with this. Also, BlackBerry said they're pulling the apps right after Apple announced that. So the only place that has it still is the Android. But yeah, I mean, just not a good thing to be having out there. Exactly. Also, Woods and Lauren. You guys, I'm going to tell this one for you. Representative Gabrielle Giffords apparently is still struggling to speak. Oh, why? She is? That's weird. I thought she went on spring break. Yeah, she went to Daytona twice. Twice, right? Twice, yeah. She went down to see the Daytona 500. No, I think her husband was going on vacation. No, he wasn't going on vacation. He was flying into space. Oh, wow. So far away. Unbeatable. Her chief of staff just said in an interview that the congresswoman still struggles to find words and put together sentences.
And it's still, you know, unclear whether she's eventually going to be able to return to Congress. She relies primarily on facial expressions and hand gestures to communicate. Lauren is so dramatic when she plays Gabrielle Giffords in here. What do you expect? She has to have her eyes closed and everything. One open. Smile. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to us today by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Oh, yeah. Padres, big win last night. So the big story is Anthony Rizzo made his major league debut in his second at bat. Check this out. It's that one deep to left center field. A long run for Antea. Lightball is off the wall. Bounces back and on his way for three. There's the kid Rizzo, and he is in there. Nice. Yeah. Guess it's working out. Now it awakens Petco. That's what they came to see. Nice. Just missed a home run, and it halfway up on the wall. Love it. He does have some serious power. Wait till they get that kid out of town. No doubt. And the walls are a little closer in. Any other park in this country, kid has a homer in his face.
Second major league back. Absolutely. He was on base three times. Padres won 7-3. So that was good stuff. Rizzo making a splash in his first game. And there's another NFL wide receiver that is in trouble since the lockout. There's been a rash of arrests. Tennessee Titans wide receiver Kenny Britt was charged with marijuana possession and resisting arrest. They saw him in a car wash. Had a marijuana cigar. Cigar? Known as a blunt. A blunt. Okay. Guy's puffing on a blunt. Real good. Cops smell it, and they come up. They try to grab him. He tries to run away. He tries to throw the cigar down and crush it out. They grab him, put him in handcuffs, take him away, resisting arrest. Is it blunt when you take a cigar, you empty out all the tobacco? Cut it in half, then take the leaf. Easy, a little bit. Wow. Well, not just showing us, but, I mean, you were so quick to explain. You gut it. Yeah, what you do is you take a razor blade, you slice it right down the middle, you empty out the tobacco. You take all the tobacco out? Sometimes they mix. Some people do. In England, a lot of times, it's like a spliff when you put both. Wow. Yeah, when you have both tobacco on. Tobacco and weed. I'm so wasted. Marijuana. If you empty out all the tobacco of a cigar and you fill it with marijuana, isn't that a giant? Yeah. That's a point. That's so weird. Yeah, and here's the deal.
All right. You want to smoke pot? Maybe you don't do it at a car wash. Maybe you do it on your couch watching Simpsons. Probably thinks he's invisible. Invincible. And invisible. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener's Chris. It's Chris. That's gross. So, yeah, this girl was on eHarmony and she was trying to, you know, find a guy. and posted a little video of her. And, you know, the thing is, is that she's talking about how much she loves cats. My name is Debbie. This is my first attempt. Debbie's cute, by the way. Not bad, yeah. How old do you think Debbie is? 25. 21, but all right. 20's for sure. She looks juggy to me. You can't see it, but she looks like she may be juggy. Yeah. Throwing that out there. Painting the picture. She's got a long, I'd say like a little past the shoulder length blonde hair. She's sitting in her bed and just rolling this video. I'm at a eHarmony video. This is my first time at online dating. So I'm nervous, but I'm excited at the same time. So I'm just going to.
Start talking about what I like and hope I get some replies. So I am a recent MBA grad from Villanova. I love, I just, sorry, I'm getting emotional. It's okay, take your time. I love cats. I love every kind of cat. It's okay. Get it out. Sorry. Don't apologize. For goodness sake, don't apologize. I love cats, and I just want to hug all of them, but I can't because that's crazy. I can't hug every cat. Of course that's crazy because to hug every cat would mean literally hugging millions and millions of cats, especially when you consider that when a cat has a litter, they're generally...
Many of them, so to hug them all would be crazy. But I just want to. I want to. I want to. I'm sorry. I just... Anytime I hear cat, I just... I love cats. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. So anyway, I... The reason that she promised herself that she wouldn't cry... is because before making the video, she knew she would at some point have to address the fact that she loves cats. And knowing herself the way that she does, she thought, you better not cry. But you're going to cry. Don't cry. I'm a cat lover, and I love to run. In fields with cats. I'm sorry, I'm thinking about cats again.
I was about to move on to camping. There come the cats right back into my head. Can't do anything about it. How many don't have a home? And how I should have them? How cute they are? She's single? How could that be? There's a guy and he's like, soulmates. I have to write her right now. Crazy. I'm crazy for me. If it were dogs, I'd be all the way in. All the way in. Want him on a rainbow? Yeah. I do too. Yeah, I want to roll around. A cat lover. And I love to run. Crazy for me. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about cats again. I think about how many don't have a home. And how I should have them. And how cute.
How cute they are. Their ears. His bow ties is cute. Now, here's my question. Here's my question. At the end of this, does it say, are you sure that you would like to save? Yes. She's going to die alone. No, she's not. Hey, excuse me. No, she's not. She's going to die with 900 cats. Exactly. She's pretty hot, Jay. It doesn't matter. You can be as hot as you want when you have that kind of... What if you find a guy that loves cats that much, too? Nobody loves cats that much. Do any guys love cats? I like cats, but I don't love cats. I think that the guys that love cats as much as she does probably aren't interested in her. No. Probably like other dudes. Maybe her brother. Yeah. Maybe they like to see the Broadway production of cats. Yes.
Maybe they like Barbra Streisand. And Liza Minnelli. And Liza. Of course. Who doesn't like me? Everyone likes you. Have a martini, darling. That's right. Let's drink milk out of saucers. It'll be great. I've got a little bow tie. Liza, you're wearing a tuxedo. I am, and I'm licking my hand. Like a cat. Like a cat. What do you think she is for Halloween every year? Bloody cat. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Well, that is... Think she's scared of dogs? She won't be single long, I'm telling you. Here's my question. How do you get to love cats that much? I feel that way about dogs. I really do, honestly. So, it's just a different animal. How come I understand that more than I understand the cat thing? I know. Me too. I understand the dog thing. Dogs give love back. It's hard for cats. That's the deal. Now... I've brought this up before, and I've gotten a lot of resistance, but this is what I will tell you. I will tell you, cat owners, my wife included, cat lovers, I will tell you, your cat doesn't care about you. Now, I will tell you, as every dog owner that's listening right now, not only does your dog care about you, he loves you and would, in fact, give his life for you. Absolutely. Okay? Cat owners.
Your cat barely knows that you exist. In fact, the only reason he knows that you exist is because you feed him and take his poop out of his sand. And then you put new sand from the poop in. Okay? But your cat doesn't work on your time and you are simply his roommate. You live there too. He doesn't care about you. If you died tomorrow, all the cat's interested in is who's putting more sand for me to poop? May eat your face off, too. And if somebody said to the cat, let's say somebody reasoned with a cat and could speak cat language. And what that meant was, I regret to inform you that Rebecca Esparza, your owner, has passed on. This would be Jules. I don't care. Is a fat guy going to...
Feed me. The fat guy going to change his sand? Who's going to change his sand? Jules, maybe I... Do you understand? Rebecca, your owner, the one that adopted you, she's gone. I don't care. I don't know which one that is anyway. All I want to know is, who's going to change his sand? The one I poo in. It's changed. It's all I care about. I care about food and poo sand. Poo sand. That's it. Care less. They're starting to call. 570-1949. If you believe that your cat cares about you, go ahead. You can call me. I'll try to reason with you. But all I'm saying to you is that there really is no reasoning with you. how many don't have a home and how I should have them and how cute they are. Their ears. She sells me in that part. Yeah. They're cute. The whiskers. She's got a little bow tie. Bow tie. And one Dave from San Diego. Hey, Mikey. Hi. First off, I totally agree with you about the dog situation. I mean...
a dog would lay down his life for you, but I think you're missing the real issue here is what's going on with this chick. Yeah, she likes cats. I mean, this sounds like every girl I've dated. I've been single for about five years now, and let me just tell you, as a guy living in San Diego, it is not easy being single. Why do girls love cats? I don't. Probably, maybe it's the same reason they love, like, Mean guys. I don't know. They just don't want somebody to love them. You just hit on it. He just blew my mind. He just blew my mind. The reason women love cats is because they're elusive. You have to chase their love. They're aloof. You have to work for their love. Darn. It's brilliant, Dave. You can't see it. It's brilliant. Sigmund Freud over there. Sigmund Freud. Holy cow. Wow. It's a great assessment.
Glad I could assist. A dog smothers the women too much. He's always in my lab. He likes me too much. I don't want to get away from me. God, I need some space. It's a fake conversation. It doesn't happen. 100%. M1 Phil from Bonzel. Hello, Mikey. Hi, Phil. Good morning. How are you guys doing? Good. Hey, I just wanted to challenge you, Mikey. I love your show, and I never thought I would challenge you, but I moved in with my wife about four or five years ago, and she has a cat. It's an expensive cat. It's a rag doll. Well, anyways, the cat didn't like anybody, not even her mom, and I came and lived with her, and it's kind of sad. My wife ended up getting jealous because the cat loves me more than her now. No, he doesn't. And I don't treat the cat that well. She meows a lot and I go, hey, get out of here. Go outside and she comes back and she'll get out of here. She don't love you. She'll fall asleep watching a movie with me. It's pretty funny. Phil? Yes, Mikey. She doesn't like you. She doesn't like you? What if I don't feed her? If you don't feed her, she just wants to know who will.
And who's going to change the sand? Let's get the sand changed, bro. Do you change the sand? Yeah, that's why she likes you. You are the sand guy. Okay? She doesn't even know your name's Phil. Listen. Mr. Sandman, actually. Mr. Sandman. Every one of Woods' dogs knows that his name is Steven. You know why? Because that's what his wife calls him. He's either Steven or Daddy. All right? A-hole sometimes. Yeah, but make no mistake about it. They don't like Woods. They love Woods, okay? Except for Shooter. And the only reason Shooter don't like him that much is because he don't really like Shooter that much. I love Shooter. You just don't like him. You love him? You just don't like Shooter all that much. I love Shooter. You don't pay attention to him at all. Yes, I do. When you guys live in my home, I pay attention to him all the time. Post a lot of pictures of him on Facebook. Yeah. How come all the pictures are of all the others? Because he just sits in one spot and just chills. Ah, that's true. Hard to take a picture of him. Shooter is a black lab. You favor the four Yorkies. And the other two guest dogs in your house. More than Shooter. Guest dogs. Shooter walks up to Woods. And he's like... I pat him on the head. Woods gives him a little pat. Oh, how are you doing? And just hopes he moves on. And when I pat him on the head, he goes... All right. See you later.
Then you make out with the Yorkies. Yeah, that's true. That's my dog. Shooter looks at you like, why don't you kiss me like that? I feed him. I love on him. Sometimes when I'm on the couch, he'll come over and put his head on my chest and I'll rub his head, but it's pretty rare. By pretty rare, you mean once a year, like on Christmas morning. If you have a bacon necklace on. Listen, we've had this conversation before about everybody favors a certain child or a certain pet. But you unfavor just one of them. Yeah, have it take him on a walk. Shut up, L.O.B. This is Sidney Mikey's former house anymore because I was eaten by coyotes. Oh, Mikey. What this is? Oh, are we children now? We pretend to make things up when they're not true. The truth is I got out because I'm a stinker. I used to leave the house when the door was open.
And I knew I was not supposed to do this, but I did all the time. I'm sure coyotes devoured me one time. Anyway, I did not like the family. I simply lived there. Did reconnaissance and reported back to the canine, or excuse me, to the feline family. I would tell them what they could do to get more food. But did I care about the family now? I could care less. In fact, when the babies were born, there was less food because they would forget to feed me as much because they were concerned with the children. And so when they would walk into the room, I would go meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, to make sure that they believed that I was cat. But when they would leave, I would take out very small-sized cellular cat phone. It was a cellular phone, but it was made for the size of a cat. Me. And I would call my superiors and I would say, the fat man, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow. Meow. Meow, meow, meow. I have some audio tapes of Casey Anthony that you haven't heard before. And it's going to...
trip you out, especially in context. Here's the thing about Casey Anthony. First of all, I believe that part of the reason that the case is as big as it is is because Casey Anthony is a very beautiful young woman. Very. And when we come back, we're going to play you this audio of Casey Anthony. You've probably never really heard her talk. So this is going to be an opportunity for a lot of people to hear her talk for the first time, hear what she sounds like. Picture the best liar you've ever heard. Multiply it times 100. She's good. It's next. This is the Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. We're a small business. We diagnose trees, treat diseases, and do large tree removals.
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Get a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card when you book with your MasterCard during Expedia's My Summer is Better Than Your Summer Sale. Where you book matters. Expedia. Minimum stay required and subject to availability. Book by July 4th. Travel by August 31st. Terms and restrictions apply. See site for full details. Hear the Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. The dealerships have a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate family. See your dealer for details. Things clearing up. Camino Del Rey at Old River Road, an earlier accident. They've got that off the roadway now. You should be able to get through. 15 northbound at the 8 in accident here. A couple cars on the connector ramp. They do have a flatbed tow truck on the scene. And looks like the 15 northbound at the 52 in accident with a motorcycle. They do have a tow truck on the scene there as well.
Brought to you by Fantastic Sam's. Get high-end salon style without the high-end salon price. Stop by Fantastic Sam's. Haircuts are between $15 and $20. Color services start at $45. Your style awaits. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bert from Bird Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Great Friday morning. Yay. Brought to you by Frost Brewed Coors Light. Coors Light is the coldest. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Surf-wise, over the day-to-day, we'll see a slight decrease in that southwesterly swell, which is dominant. A touch of west-northwest swell still backing it up. A little bit of an issue of a high tide this morning. That's kind of slowing some areas down. And overall, the swell is a little bit smaller than yesterday. Looking at neat away-sized surf on average, but those selected areas most open to the south swell. When it does come through, you can see some chest-to-shoulder highways with plus. as possible. Beach breaks look okay right now. A little bit high tide, soft dissectiony, but rideable. And look for the south-facing reef breaks to improve more as the tide heads out. Overcast skies, light south winds or calm winds, so condition-wise pretty clean. Water temp still fairly cold in the upper 50s, low 60s. So our little run of surf continues just a bit smaller. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And remember, this surf report is sponsored by Frostbrood Coors Light.
The Authentic Surf Report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. The FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. I knew this was going to be the most difficult part. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't pass gas in front of my wife. Lauren. I wouldn't make my own dress if I knew how to sew. Woods. Do you have a problem with me peeing in my backyard? No. Because that is done at least three times a week. Sienna. Tomorrow's the... I said hi, Mike. Hi, Woodsy. I noticed you always play air drums when we come back. I never noticed that. Do you ever play drums? Oh my gosh. Dude, that's it. Holy cow. I told you, man. I told you, dude. Oh, it's going to make me cry. It got me last night, dude. Oh my gosh.
One of our M1s. Come here, Adrienne. Holy crap. You say what you did. Brought Mike a present of Jake. So nervous. She was so nervous. It's a late birthday present, but it's also for Rebecca. Oh, my gosh. I love it. It got me, dude. It got me last night and my wife. How did you do that? I can't look at it right now. I can't look at it right now. Is that okay? Oh, my gosh. How incredible is that? M1, Adrienne. She's one of the most amazing artists. And one artiste. She drew a picture of Jake. And it's so beautiful. It's beautiful. It's like a picture. And I'm sitting here. I'm looking at it. I'm like, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. So I can't look at it. And then I'm thinking, this has to go somewhere great. Where am I going to put this? Where am I going to put this? This has got to go somewhere great. In your bedroom. Yeah. I think so. It's incredible. You want to wake up to that. Because my wife hasn't seen this, right? We got to get a picture up. Oh, my gosh. Nothing like ruining your sex life with a big picture of your kid looking at you. Oh, my God. You know, there's also nothing like ruining your sex life, like your kid sleeping between you and your wife. That'll do it. That does it, too. That's incredible. It's incredible. Wow, thank you. That is so beautiful. Oh, my goodness. Wait. Wait until she sees that.
That's an incredible picture. I was like, have you seen pictures of Sage? I have a bunch of lime. I know. I know. Make me one of those. I'll be doing Penny Bell next. That's so gorgeous. That's so pretty. We got to take a picture of it. Oh, my gosh. It's incredible. Okay. So I got to give you some context to this thing. What you're going to hear. My wife has really been following the Casey Anthony case. And LOB said yesterday she started to find some stuff on it. And here's the thing. Now, Casey Anthony is, in my opinion, more guilty than OJ was. Like when the OJ case was going on and everybody was going, well, OJ did it. This is way more clear than that. In case you don't know, she's a 25-year-old woman from Florida who is facing seven counts in her daughter Kaylee's death. Her daughter's two years old.
Three years since this happened, and now they're finally at trial. They're on their second week of trial, and prosecutors are saying that Casey used chloroform on her daughter to suffocate her by putting duct tape over her mouth and her nose. And Casey's defense, her defense team, is saying that, no, that didn't happen. It was my father, the grandfather, who was there, who witnessed the little girl drowning in the family's pool. So, I mean, this thing is just getting out of control. And yesterday was pretty... It was the most gruesome day. They were showing pictures of her skeletal remains. Now, Casey'd never seen these photographs. Right. And so she got sick. She started crying. They halted the trial. Now, a lot of people are going, well, is that real or is that fake? Blah, blah, blah. And I had a theory on it because I was talking to Rebecca about it. I said, I think that in her head, she feels sorry for herself. And the reason that she feels sorry for herself is because she has had to endure her own lie. And you have to be a little bit weird like me in order for that to make sense. But I'm a little weird. And so it makes total sense to me. In other words, I'm lying because I killed my daughter. And it's been hard to keep this thing up. And I have. And I feel sorry for myself for having to, like, I've gone through a lot.
To try to keep this lie going. And so there's a lot of pressure involved in that. So when she saw those pictures yesterday, the pressure, the seeing the pictures for the first time, all of it, it kind of hit her like, oh, yes, you know, that kind of deal. OK, now what you're going to hear is some audio that I dug up. And it's really important to have context before you hear this. So she has finally gone to the police. Kid's been missing 31 days. She's finally gone to the police. And she says, and the police say to her, well, Casey, why wouldn't you have told someone in the last 31 days that your daughter's missing? And she says, oh, I did. And they said, well, who did you tell? And she says, well, I told this guy, and she gives his name.
And I also told another girl and I told two employees that I work with at Universal Studios. One of them is this guy. His name is blah, blah, blah. And the other is a girl that I work with named Juliette Lewis. And they go, OK. So they write the names down. That's right. Juliette Lewis. Actress. Dated Brad Pitt. Yeah. But they're writing it down. They're like, well, you know, they don't question. OK, Juliette Lewis. OK. And I say, well, I tell you what. Can you take us to meet them? And she's like, you mean to my work? yeah you work at universal studios yeah yeah i'll take you sure so they tape it they videotape they go to universal studios she says pull in here park in the you know uh employee parking they walk up to the to the front desk they show a badge she shows a badge because she used to work there and they say uh yeah that badge doesn't work you don't there's you don't work here but she's good oh there must be some mistake you know
Can you let me talk to someone? Sure. Come on. You know, the detectives, they're all following. They're walking down a hallway and she's taking them, she says, to her office. And halfway down the hallway, she stops. She goes, OK, this I don't really work here anymore. OK, at that point, the detectives say, well. to Universal Studios employees, do you have a room we can use and talk to her for a second? They say, sure. So they get a room and they go into the room and they're interviewing her for a long period of time. And they're kind of going over the case with her because it's brand new to them. And they're like, so tell us again the last time you saw your daughter. Well, like I said, I dropped her off with the nanny and the nanny's name is Zenaida. Fernandez Gonzalez. They said, okay. She says, yeah, we know her. Everyone knows her as Zanny. Everybody calls her Zanny. Yeah. Person doesn't exist. That person exists, but she was never a nanny. She didn't even know that woman. Well, she's never gone by Zanny. Yeah. And she doesn't know her. She just saw her name. One time. And used the name. And so what you're about to hear.
is them asking her questions about, so we don't understand here. You're telling us that, little bit more context, sorry. She said, I did hear from my daughter. When did you hear from her? Heard from her yesterday. How did you hear from her? She called me. Your two-year-old daughter called you? Uh-huh. And what did she say? Well, she talked about, you know, her shoes and her blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I asked to talk to an adult and she wouldn't let me. You know how two year olds are. She didn't really get what I was saying. I was saying, please, let me talk to the adult that's there. And by the way, the cops are like, OK, OK, you know, OK. But at this point in the interview, they're like, no, you're lying. Like, it's all starting to come down like you're lying. So they're asking her about Zanny.
Did she live in the apartment that you dropped her off at the steps? That was one of the places where we had met up a couple different times. I actually have a couple friends that live in that complex, so does she. Okay. A good friend of mine from high school still lives there. He has one bedroom apartment. Do you know who her friends were in there, where they lived, her names, or anything like that? I do not. She used to talk about people all the time, but would never use specific names or... really go into any detail about anything and again it never seemed weird some people are just very particular about giving out details or specific details about other people so i understood all of that but all looking back at stuff now the privacy the way she was a little bit changing phones and it just it didn't seem right whatsoever right so looking back at any place that i know that she had ever gone to or That, again, would seem familiar for me that maybe I've gone to to meet her to drop off Kaylee or to pick up Kaylee for whatever reason. We'd find mutual places sometimes or I'd go and pick her up at a grocery store if that's where they were to try to make it a little bit easier. Smooth as silk. Makes me mad to even hear her say her daughter's name. Me too. And that makes me mad alone. Well, let me tell you, you hear this and, you know.
Like I said, my wife and I, we've been following this thing. You hear her go. She is convincing, man. I mean, there is not one ounce of nervousness. Like, she is behaving like a mom whose kid's missing. And this, listen, there's a point where the guy goes, look, you're lying. We know you're lying. You brought us here. You said you worked here. You don't work here. He says, answer me this. You want to find your daughter, according to you, right? Uh-huh. How did bringing us to a place that you don't work, how did that equal you helping to find your daughter? And she's got an answer for everything. How do you explain that away? She goes like this. She goes, I know it doesn't make sense in... anybody's mind but my own. And I know that this is weird and I know that this is bizarre, but my thinking was, I just want to be every place that she was thinking somewhere in my mind. Maybe she's going to walk through that turnstile. Maybe the people are here are going to recognize her. Maybe if we give a picture and she's that like, boom, boom, boom, boom. There's no nervousness. There's no stammering. There's no like hesitation. There's no nothing. I mean, she is good.
at doing this and i mean that is the tip of the iceberg with her i mean you you'll hear others and by the way she has she has now admitted that kaylee is you know is dead and and no she knows that and blah blah blah she's now claiming it wasn't me it was my dad um but at the time she was giving this interview she knew that At the time she's giving this interview and saying, man, we really got to find this lady, Zanny. She's got my daughter. At the time she's doing all that, she knows her daughter is dead. So imagine that you're the defense for her and you're going, how are we going to get past this one? How are we going to overcome this? You see, in this tape. You've already admitted you know your daughter's dead. Did she live in the apartment that you dropped her off at the steps? That was one of the places where we had met up a couple different times. I actually have a couple friends that live in that complex. So does she. A good friend of mine from high school still lives there. He has one bedroom apartment right around him. She's talking about the nanny. How do you overcome that as the defense? How as the defense do you go, yes, she was making up this?
You know, crazy story. Yes, she was. But the reason that she was is because her dad had done stuff to her and she was afraid. And she stuck by it repeatedly. I listened to her first phone call from the jailhouse back to her own house. Yeah. And her friend is on the phone and is like. They're saying this woman doesn't exist. And she's like, that's because they're not using a hyphen. Her name's hyphenated. They're just looking up Zanada Gonzalez. They need to look up Zanada Fernandez hyphen Gonzalez. They're only looking in the Florida database. They need to look in the New York database where she's from. She's not dumb. Let me tell you, as you listen to these tapes, this is not a dumb person. This is a highly intelligent girl who's real good. Real good. You know who her friends were in there? Where they lived or names or anything like that? I do not choose to talk about people all the time, but would never use specific names or really go into any detail about anything. And again, it never seemed weird. You know what I think is weird, too? I said to my wife the other day, I go, who's Kaylee's dad? Yeah. Who's Kaylee's dad? Where's this guy? She claims he died in a car accident. Oh, my gosh.
What? And Rebecca goes, he died in a car accident. I go, well, no, he didn't. Did he? And she goes, no, no, no, he did. He died in a... And I go, babe, she also says Zanny the nanny has a baby and Juliette Lewis is her... Friend. Friend that works with her at Universal Studios. Really? He died in a car accident? Like, we don't even know who the dad of this kid is. Which made me think of some other theories. They're kind of weird. Did they ever even say if there was a woman named Juliette Lewis coincidentally that worked there? No, there wasn't. In fact, they presented her with that. They said Universal Studios just went through the data. There's never been anybody that's worked here named Juliette Lewis. There's a Juliette Lewis here, but she was a natural born killer. Right. She was here visiting. Yeah, she's been on a tour. Yeah, she's been on a tour. Been on a couple movies. Right. She was in a movie called California with Brad Pitt. Played a character named Adele.
That's right. We don't know what to tell you other than that. Another sad thing, and I think I told you guys before, is Zanny the nanny got fired in real life for her job because of all of this that happened. Yeah, because she used this random woman's name. Just a name she used, and it was this woman's name. Lost her job because of it. Yeah, she sued her for defamation. Yeah, and then Casey Anthony countersued her for wrongful... I mean, she's nuts. Casey Anthony is completely nuts. Well, that's the thing. See... I said yesterday to Rebecca, I go, listen, you kidding me? Change the strategy now. You're the defense. Change the strategy. Say she's nuts. She's too late. I said, why? She goes, because they've already declared her sane. You can't change your plea in the middle of a trial. Be like, you know what? I'd rather plead no contest or insanity. Yeah. And listen, the evidence against her so wacky, crazy. She searched somebody in her parents' home. Searched. how to make chloroform on a particular website. And the prosecution says to the expert that looked at all the information on the computer, how many times that website visited? 84. I'm sorry, can you say that again? 84 times. She visited a website on how to make chloroform 84 times, then deleted it. But it was still in the system? Yeah, and she's innocent.
What's the timeline on this trial? Does anybody know? It's probably going to keep going for about another week and a half. And then? Depending on what's going on. Because yesterday she saw those pictures, got sick, had to leave, blah, blah, blah. Who knows if it's going to start up again today. But I said, listen, when the guy says, yeah, she visited a site 84 times. They even had experts on people that know what a cadaver smells like. Those people testified, right? Her defense goes, no, no, no, no, no. Wasn't a cadaver. Look at these pictures. She had garbage in the back of her trunk. And you see Lay's potato chips bags and stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the defense. You're like, Lay's potato chips. Tootsie Roll wrappers. Look at that body. You mix all that together. You don't know what you're going to get. You understand? Well, we know now. Somebody spilled some peat moss back there sometime. We know now. You mix. An empty fruit roll-up. Yep. And... Some Red Bull. An empty Red Bull can. Pizza crust. Pizza crust. And a Lay's Potato Chick bag. Dead body. Oh, stinky. And I go like this. I go, here's the defense guy explaining. He's like, I'm going to try to tell you what she had in her trunk. Lay's Potato Chick bag. Empty fruit roll-up. A pet... Sorry. Sorry. It's hard for me to even...
Filthy. It's hard for me to even describe it. She also had an empty bottle of Motorola. Empty bottle of Motorola. Sorry. I mean, just describing it makes me woozy. Because when you put it all together, it smells like a dead body. Hideous. I said, why doesn't she just go? You know what? Forget it. Listen. I did it. I know. I did it. You got to stop. I mean, this is ridiculous. It's clear I did it. What are we doing here? But they tested. There were stains in the trunk of the car. They tested the stains. Wasn't blood. Wasn't anything to do with the little girl. That was chloroform, though. Yeah, but there was other things. But they said if the body was in there, there would have been, you know, remnants of the little girl. And there wasn't. Wait, there was. OK, there was something called. Somebody will know. Some chemistry nerd will know something acid like.
Something acid. And what that kind of acid is, is when the body breaks down, it's the first thing that's released. Oh, man. Lactic? Is it lactic acid? Lactic acid. Okay, if you're the defense, what do you say? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We have an expert that says that Lay's potato chips bag actually give off some lactic acid as well. Yep. Just say it, Casey. Just go. You got me. What a monster. Well done. I listened to the three 911 calls that her mom made that day. They're all throughout a span of a day. First call, she was calling to say, my daughter stole my car, and I brought her to the police station. The police station's closed. How do I arrest my daughter? Oh, wow. Second call, she's at her house. She's like, still nobody has come. I want this girl arrested. And also, I haven't seen my two-year-old granddaughter and blah, blah, blah. And she's saying in the background, too. to Casey, hey look, if this is the way you want to play it, this is the way we're going to do it. You won't tell me where she is. And she's saying all this stuff. Third one, her mom calls in hysterics. And she's like, I can't even talk about it. It makes me so mad. She's like, she just admitted to me. She's been missing for a month. And then they finally put Casey on the phone and she gives the Zenata name. She starts saying, I haven't seen my daughter since June 15th. They asked her, they go, 31 days? Why didn't you tell us?
They go, 31 days, why didn't you tell us? She goes, I knew my mom would kill me. They go, so you were more afraid of your mom than of trying to find your daughter? And she's like, I know, my mom is, that's how my mom is. She's just so deadpan. I mean, it's just, it's crazy. It is crazy. It's a new song by somebody named Dr. Dre. I love it. You know, I think it's going to be a hit. By the way, let's have a big round of applause for Il Padrino Pizza. Brought in some great food. You guys never thought you'd be eating pizza at 7.30. First 30 people after 4 o'clock today that mentioned they heard it on the Mikey Show will get free pasta over there at Il Padrino Pizza. All right, we're going to have the results of the Are You Annoying test coming up next.
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Today would be so much better if I had my kombucha. Woods. What I like to do also is I clip my toenails sometimes as a little treat. I like to put them on Jamie's pillow. Sienna. When they're real, you know. And Jay. Oh, I've pumped water from ditches that you would not believe. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, investigators have now determined the cause of the E. coli outbreak happening in Europe, and it actually was a German-grown... vegetable sprout that caused 29 people to die and sickened over 3,000. So a sprout. Turned out to be a sprout. Yeah, crazy. Also, Wiener, Representative Anthony Wiener, he said that his wife wants him to stay in Congress and still, after his sexting scandal with numerous girls, he's not stepping down. Yeah, well, I think he's going to be asked to step down soon. You silly sausage. How does his wife want him to stay there?
Did that drop? Just say. You silly sausage. And Jay moved his lips accordingly. You silly sausage. Jay moved his mouth like a wooden mannequin. Woods, what's going on in sports? I reported to you yesterday that Terrell Pryor... The rights to Terrell Pryor were claimed by the Saskatchewan Rough Riders in the Canadian Football League. And he has now said, nah, I don't want the CFL. I'm going for the NFL. And so he wants to make himself a part of the NFL supplemental draft later this summer. So we'll see how that goes. Also, UFC 131 is this weekend in Vancouver, Canada. And the main event is Junior Dos Santos against Shane Carwin. Both are 12-1. The annoying test. Oh, boy. Now, we've all taken the annoying test, but I'm going to give you the annoying test if you're listening in the car at home or whatever. If you're here in the studio, you can listen and answer these questions as I read them. Now, here's the thing. You work on a scale of one to five. One means not at all. And five means that you strongly agree. Other people often annoy me.
Now, I'm going to answer these as we go through on a scale of one to five. I'll answer as honestly as I can. And you'll hear my score at the end. And then I'll give you everybody else's score. But I'll do mine live here so that you'll get to hear it. Other people often annoy me. One is not at all. Five is strongly agree. I will say four. Next question. I insist on receiving the respect I am due. I would say two. Because to me, what that looks like is, how dare you, blah, blah, blah. And so that one I do not score high on. If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself. I will say a five. I am definitely a control freak in that way. I'm a control freak. I'm going to ask you guys, though, is it safe for me to put a four? I need a five. Five. Okay, five. I don't think you're a five at all. No, because you have a lot of us do stuff for you. That's true. Seven. I love you. I find there are few people I can really trust. That's a nine if there were, but I'll put a five. In time, people will appreciate my talents. That for me is a one. I don't feel that. When I am irritated, I let people know.
I think people know when I'm irritated, but I don't try to outwardly let them know, but people know. You guys tell me, how do I answer that? Three. Three. Because you're middle ground. A middle ground. Okay, cool. I don't mind criticizing people when they deserve it. Five. No. No. Three. Three. Okay. All right. Sometimes, you know, it just depends. Some days. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut. Yeah, exactly. All right. I am better. At what I do than almost anyone. Three. Four. If I'm answering myself honestly, I would say that I believe that I'm at about a three. A five is a complete narcissistic weirdo. And I'm two steps below that. Can't help it. I have very high standards for work performance. Five. People often disappoint me. Four. Why'd you look at Woods when you said that? Because I'm waiting for him to go. No, dude. That's a one. Probably five. Okay. Probably five. I would say for you. I enjoy being the center of attention. One. In my opinion.
I'm not as I want to go into a party and everybody else pay attention to everybody. Just please. I just want to be I want to be part of the wall on and off the air. You're a different person on the air on the air. I'm a performer off the air not. So I'm going to put a one. Yeah. OK. I don't really care what other people think of me. That's a two. I'd say that's a two. My moods can change quickly. Interested in your guys thoughts on that. Four. Yep. They change quickly, yeah. Yeah. They do. Three, four. Four is good. Yeah, four is pretty good. Spin out real good. I think... That's true. But he also bounces back. Yeah, he can. But that's good mood and bad mood. Yeah. Up, up, up, up, up. All right, four. Other people can often sense my power. I mean... Can you sense my power? What's the answer to that? Two?
I don't know, two or three. Two or three? I mean, you're an intimidating guy. But I don't think that I'm like, hey, do you get my power? No, you're not like that at all. So maybe one or two. I dislike being interrupted when I am working. Five. Seven thousand. Five. Seven thousand. Five. And five. These days, people seem to have forgotten what hard work actually is. I would say four. Other people find me attractive. One. They got a zero on there, Mike? Not at all. Just for the record. With the one standstill. That's not at all. Should have left that one blank. Mike, I can answer that one for you. Is there a negative fact? Ice beaver. What? I will return a bottle of wine in a restaurant if I don't like it. I get the spirit of that question. And I will say one. I never do that kind of thing.
And then when I want to, I know how to turn on the charm. I really don't. I really don't. I think I'm the same no matter what. I disagree. It depends. I think you're a four. I agree. You can be very charming when you choose to be. When am I charming? When do I choose to be charming? When you meet people for the first time when you're, you know, when you're putting on a happy face. Yeah. Remember when you were feeding those girls grapes? Yeah, at the Del Mar Fair. That's what I was going to say, Sienna. When you were all dressed up in a coat. That's exactly what I was going to say. You were like making grapes over their mouths. Easy, Don Juan. Yeah. You were like Julius Caesar at Orgy. Massaging your feet. It wasn't grapes. Oh, yeah. It was green beans. They were like green bean fries. And I wasn't. feeding them. You didn't try this, dear. Mikey was in the middle of a cougar's den at the Del Mar races. His wife was there, too. Don't worry. She'd elbow me and goes, hey, look at Don Juan over there. Easy, Brad Pitt. Here's what happened. The women sitting behind us said, what is that in that bag? And I said, it's green beans. Well, they thought you worked there. Mikey was a horse.
Mike, they thought you were there to trim the shrubs. They thought you were a jockey that lost his way. Yeah. You know, a fat, overweight, retired jockey. Anyway, when I want to, I know how to turn on the charm. Okay, four. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the last one is, I must admit, I am sometimes hard to please. Oh, boy. Yeah. Yep. Is there 16 on there? Mm-hmm. Five. I am hard to please. Five. Five. Five. Yes, five. Thank you. See, now, here's my whacked out thinking. I'm not hard to please. Just do what I say. When I give the instruction on how to do it, if you do that, we're fine. Differently than that. You disagree, Woods. Yes. I do. Okay. Wow. Here's the results. I am a 3.21.
Okay, and hopefully everybody, as I was reading that, as I was reading it, hopefully everybody was sort of following along in their car. It says, in doing research for a book called Annoying, The Science of What Bugs Us, that's where they came up with this test, okay? And a psychiatrist is the one that developed it, and you rate how strongly you agree with the following statements, which we did. Now, about your score. Here's what it says. And let me give the scores of everybody. The person that scored the most annoying of all of us. Who do you think it's going to be? Me. Ella Bay. Me. Wood. Me, Sienna. Not me. Sienna. Oh, no. Now, here's why, Sienna. It says that in the picky category, you were a 3.3 out of 5. In the arrogant category.
It says you are a 3.9 out of 5. And in the irritating category overall, a 4.4 out of 5. To me, it means she was the most honest. However, however, that's what the score came out to be. I'm not ashamed. There you go. After Sienna, the most annoying was a tie. Excuse me. No. The next annoying after Sienna was me. And. I don't know where you guys saw the thing where it says picky and arrogant and all that stuff. It was a little scale that came up, but I didn't know there was numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I printed mine for you. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, so on the picky, I scored extremely high. I'm very, very picky. I scored very low on being arrogant, and I scored very high on being irritating.
I wish they would then give you a way to fix it, you know? That's who you are. That's who I am. Do you guys think I'm annoying? No, I do not. I don't feel that I'm annoying. I think that all of us can be annoying. I think we all annoy each other sometimes. Any person can be annoying. I get very annoyed at little things, though. Like, that's my biggest thing. And I was very honest taking that test. Yeah, but see, here's the thing that I've always said about Sienna. Sienna will tell you. Like, should I tell you? Which I appreciate. I'd rather have that. But see, that's annoying to some people. Yeah, I think that Tess is trying to say. But what? Do you want people to lie to you? No, I don't want people to lie. I'd rather people not say anything sometimes. You ask me and I tell you the truth. I don't ever just be like, hey, I hate your hat. Like, you're like, so what do you think of this? I'm like, I don't like it. The next on the annoying scale was a tie between Lauren and Woods. Weird. They both scored 3.7. Whoa. 3.07. But in way different ways. For Lauren, she is picky as it gets. 5.2 out of 5. Wait, what? Yeah. Picky. Extremely picky, it says. I'll buy that. Arrogant? You scored pretty low. 3.5 out of 5. Is that low?
That's in the middle. Jay made these numbers up. I did not. I didn't give him numbers. No, no. He looked at the scale. Okay. And then on irritating, you scored low. Two out of five. He got it mixed up. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You're cuckoo. It was arrogant. I was low at a two. And irritating, I was right in the middle. At a three and a half out of five? I might have misread. I can't see nothing. Y'all know that. I don't know. Gosh darn, man. Woods, you want to know what yours were? Sure. Scored pretty low on picky. That is for sure. Yep. Kid's not picky. 2.9 out of 5. Arrogant? Yep. Scored a little higher, Woods. It's fine. Fair enough. 3.3 out of 5. Irritating? Oh, boy. That's where you scored the highest. Imagine that. 4.3. Oh, God. Oh, wow. Out of 5. Kid's irritating. It's a bit. Guess who scored?
The absolute lowest. The person who had the one cheater that made it all up. Someone who lied when taking the test. Yeah, guess who scored? Again, Sienna was a 3.43 out of 5. I was a 3.21. Woods and Lauren tied at 3.07. Jay was a 2.84. Picky. 3.2 out of 5. Arrogant? Not me. 2.5 BS. You're the most arrogant person I know. 2.5 out of 5. I'm jealous. I want to put shock things on his boys and make him take this test again. A polygraph. A polygraph. I just call it a Friday night. He just did the shirt shake why he said that.
I just call it Friday night. Friday night. I'm so effing perfect. It's not even funny. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Irritating. He was a 3.9 out of 5. I'll agree with that. I love the test. If you want to take the test, by the way, we will put this up on the website so that you can take the test yourself. But it's called The Annoying Test. And there's a whole book on it and the whole thing. Kids are getting their yearbooks right now because it's the end of the year. And, you know, yearbooks are coming out and all that stuff. And I mention this to everybody. And I asked. I said, hey, did any of you guys do this? I said, did any of you guys humiliate yourselves when signing someone's yearbook? And Woods was like, oh, yeah. And I did. And you did, Jay? Oh, yeah.
I do not remember what the girl's name was. But see, here's the deal. And a lot of guys, and by the way, if you did this, call 570-1949 because we've done it and you can tell us. You can tell us her name if you remember her name. But we get real brave. We get real brave. We're like, hey, it's a yearbook. I'll sign your yearbook. Won't see you for three months. Not going to see you. No, if you're a senior, you're graduating. You're not going to see him again. Or maybe I will this summer. So you get real brave. Oh, yeah. So I was signing this girl's yearbook, and I put something to the effect of... I'm paraphrasing. It was something to the effect of... Nice Bieber. Mikey is sitting in a cult position right now as if he just died. You said that, Mikey? That is inappropriate, Mikey. That is over the top. You can't say that, Mikey. That's classless and crass, my friend. Yeah, that is crass. I mean, I know you were trying to be funny, but it was a little over the course. I didn't say it. Were you drinking yourself when you signed that yearbook? I think her name was Jennifer Williams. Last name was definitely Williams. Mine too. Really? Yep. Abby.
I said something to the effect of, you know, funny, funny, clever, clever. Then put, hope you have a really good summer because you're really good. And I put a few of. I thought it was fine. It was good. I thought you said it was fine. Maybe I said. I think it was fine. Makes it better. Yes. I just remembered. It was fine. It was fine. It was? Yes. Hope you have a fine summer. Because you're really fine. Because you're really fine. Which is way worse than good. Not with a bunch of O's. It's mortifying. It was the stupidest thing. Did she ever say anything to you about it? No. And I never saw her again. Thank goodness. Did you put your phone number? No. Did she have to move away? Witness protection. Yeah, I figured. No, all the guys got really gutsy in the yearbook. Oh, yeah. And they dropped the number. Oh, yeah, I did. I remember I had a friend on Facebook. I had a friend on Facebook that I went to high school with. And she said to me, do you remember the creepy thing you wrote in my yearbook? What? I didn't even want to know. Oh, Mikey. Didn't even want to know. I do. Oh, I do not want to know. And I said, no, I don't. Woods, what did you do?
There was a girl in my senior class that I had messed around with a little bit. Just, you know, Frenching here and there at a party. Oh, wow. And I was, you know. Here and there? Yeah, here and there. Like, you'd be at a party and be like, oh, look who's here. At a locker and a cafeteria. Abby Williams was her name. And I signed her yearbook. We were all getting ready to go on our big senior trip to Cancun. Oh, big time? Yeah. And I wrote. This is going to hurt. I wrote. I wrote. Can't wait for Cancun. Are you ready for more? See you later. Are you ready for more? I said that on the radio. Oh, God. You're a rapist. Oh, Sienna. Sienna. Guess what her response was? She wrote me back in mine. Yes, I am. I think I still have it. Of course you do. No, my mom has it. You had it bronzed. Was she ready for more? Absolutely. More Frenching? It was a great senior trip.
Leave it at that. Are you ready for more? Yeah, like I'm Ron Jeremy or something, dude. It's disgusting. It disgusts myself. I disgust myself on a daily basis. Her kids are going to be reading that one day. I'm like, ew, mom, what does this mean? Mom, more implies that something took place before this. More what, mom? Mom. I'm hideous. More what? I hate myself. Ew. Jay. Ann Long. And I said, it was great being in history class together. Too bad we didn't get to know each other better. Maybe we can remedy that this summer. And my phone number. Maybe we can what? Remedy. What? I don't know. What was it? Remedy. Maybe you could adamant that. I'm adamant that we should get together this summer. Maybe we can remedy that this summer. Any follow through? No. He didn't call. At least mine worked a little bit. I'm disgusted. 570-1949. Did you write anything in your yearbook, in somebody's yearbook, that skeeves you out to this day? Like you still remember and you still go, what kind of creep was I? Disgusting. Do you girls...
Do girls remember anything that you got in your yearbook? All of mine. All of them were filthy. All the guys went buck wild. I remember one. One junior year actually really hurt my feelings because one guy wrote, too bad you were so obsessed with all the older guys. Looks like next year is going to suck for you. Oh, my gosh. Mean. That's just mean. He said, too bad you didn't give any of us junior guys the time of day and all your senior guys are going to be gone. You're going to have a great next year. Something like that. Hey, this is my yearbook. Yeah. It was my junior year. So senior year, yeah, it was all like, let's not stop here. You guys are really going to let your kids read your yearbooks? No. I read my mom's. My children will never see that. Why? Was it all filthy? Yes. And inappropriate and bad words and let's party and phone numbers and comments about my boobs. Oh, yeah. Not mine. I like the show. Exactly. Nothing's changed. My yearbook. was normal but girls don't write weird stuff and guys wrote normal stuff. See her around maybe. Yeah. Girls write novels to other girls. Oh yeah. A whole page. Save me a page. Reserve that page for me. Save me a page.
Yeah, girls need to take a yearbook for a while. Oh, yeah. We just write something creepy in our phone number. I just hold it right then, and I write something in it. Take your top off. Here's my phone number. Here's a picture of something inappropriate. Here's a sketch of something gross. Here's what you're missing out on. My phone number. Let's see. Oh, man. Just hideous. I can't believe I said that. Ready for more? More of this tongue? Who is it? Ready for more? Hey, so you know how yesterday we were talking about that Facebook guy that his wife wanted to kind of trap him. So she sent him a friend request from a hot teenage girl. And then he said that he was going to kill her to the teenage girl. So she turned in the police. He was arrested. Well, we have an update on that story next.
Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949Mikey at gmail.com. More coming up. Are you sure this thing is some sort of cult? On FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9. Hi, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out like tonight. Go see X at 4th and B. It's going to be fun. Meet puppets at the Casbah on the 14th. Matt and Kim bring their legendary confetti-filled live show to the House of Blues on the 16th with the Thermals. Anya plays the Casbah July 7th. You can see Black Rebel Motorcycle Club at the Del Mar Race Truck for a 4 o'clock Friday on July 29th. Big Sonic Chill presents Sia at House of Blues August 11th. Kings of Leon's at Cricket Wireless September 4th. And we're bringing back Peter, Bjorn, and John for a belly-up show September 30th. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com.
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Went there about a month ago, and they put me on what's called the Contour Elite Stack along with a custom meal plan. I needed to lose weight. I needed to get back in the gym. This is the stuff that has got me back in there, and I'm losing weight. Go check them out. They're in Mission Valley on Mission Center next to CVS or in Eastlake in the Eastlake Village Marketplace. Again, it's NutriShop. Go in there. Tell them that Woodsy from the Mikey Show sent you. It's NutriShop. Cue a beach on a perfect summer's day. Cue a twin-sized lounge. Cue the twins. Cue the twins rubbing sunscreen on your shoulders. Cue the camera phone. Cue the updated profile picture. Cue the immediate 318 friend requests from 318 guys. Cue the drink that brings it all together. Cue the Cuervo. Jose Cuervo. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Imported and bottled by Hute Line, Norwalk, Connecticut. Under license from the trademark owner. And the winner of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Weigh Off is Everett. A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing. Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot sauce goes on anything. It's aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot sauce. I put that s*** on everything.
On everything. At Vons, you can count on low prices. With amazing Vons Club specials and everyday low prices, you can get what you want, when you want it, at the price you need. That's their promise. That's ingredients for life. Vons. This report is brought to you by Kohl's Department Store. Don't miss Kohl's Dad's Day Sale. It's going on now. Everybody gets $10 Kohl's cash for every $50 you spend. No limits on how much you can earn. See your store for details. The more you know, the more you Kohl's. Kohl's expect great things. On the 8 eastbound between the 5 and the 15. Pretty slow this morning. Also the 15 northbound at the 76. There is an injury accident here. It's a car on the off-ramp to the 76. University Avenue, 39th Street. You're going to find big delays here. University Avenue is shut down. in both directions at 39th till at least 8 a.m. This report brought to you by CarMax, selling your car. CarMax will buy your car today, even if you don't buy one from them. It's the hassle-free way to sell your car. CarMax, the way car buying should be. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm as feminine around my guy friends as I am around my wife. Lauren. My voice is always sweet. Woods. If I had my choice, I'd be sitting on a beach having a Marlboro, doing nothing, sitting, playing my guitar, that's it. Sienna. I've always wanted to punch someone in the face. And Jay. I killed my first deer when I was seven. On FM 94.9. Gonna tell you about what's going on and the latest in that Facebook murder plot. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Hold Steady. Garrett. Stay Positive is the album. Got Tom Tom Tunes coming up here in just a second. So if you'd like to play Tom Tom Tunes, give us a call, 570-1949. And Jay, what do we have as a prize? Today's prize is a pair of tickets to the Ringling Brothers Fully Charged Circus, August at the Valley View Casino. There you go. You guys ever gone to a circus? Yeah. It was terrifying. You never have? Isn't it cool? Mikey, you didn't work there? I liked it.
They didn't use your pants as a tent? Yeah, hello. Didn't they feed you peanuts? Yeah. And they just rang the dinner bell and you'd come running? Wasn't it over when you started singing? Anyway, give us a call. You want to play a little TomTom tunes, we'll play some TomTom tunes with you. So, okay, tell us what's going on in this Facebook murder plot trial. Okay, well, if you didn't hear yesterday, there's a woman going through a messy divorce with her husband. So she sets up a fake Facebook account. She gets some random picture of a teenage girl, makes that the profile pic, and then starts talking to this guy. The husband has no idea, you know, and is chatting back to this girl. And eventually, after time, says that he is planning on killing his... soon-to-be ex-wife. He's put a GPS tracking device on her car and he asks this teenage girl if she knows anyone in her high school that could whack the wife, kill her. And even asks to run away with him once he's done, once she's dead, and he was going to take their kids. Well, the guy gets arrested last Friday for trying to kill his wife and turns out, as you guys guessed,
He knew it was her the whole time. He knows his ex-wife. And he actually provided FBI agents with a notarized affidavit, which he got done saying, look, this quote, like I got a friend request from Jessica Studebaker, whom he suspected was his ex-wife. I am lying to this person. It was dated. The whole thing. Wow. I in no way have any plans to leave my children or do any harm to her. And he went as far as saying, run away with me, just to get that extra dig in at her. Well, I mean, she seems like the whack job. Yeah, sometimes somebody wants to get you, and they get got. Yeah. They'll probably stay together. I'm sure they can work through that. Work it out. Right, so. Seems healthy. Not at all. Poor kids. All right, let's play a little Tom Tom tunes. Let's get this thing going. You may think with songs you're super. You recognize them right away. First up is M1 Beamer Tech from Santee. Are you there, Beamer Tech?
Yes, I am. And TomTomGirl, are you ready to do this? I'm ready, Mikey. Are you ready? I'm ready. TomTomGirl, as you know, is a GPS device. And she is a member of our show. Doesn't get a lot of work because Woods doesn't use her as much anymore. That's correct. But I am working on some voiceover work. That's nice. They say I have that certain something. Yeah, you do. You have that certain... Can you say... There you go. See, it's exactly right. All right. All you have to do is listen to the lyrics of this song and then tell us title or artist in order for you to win Beamer Tech. You got 20 seconds starting now. Your feet are going to be on the ground. Your head is there to move you around. If wishes were trees, the trees would be falling. Listen to reason season is calling. Stand in the place where you live. Now face north. Think about direction. Wonder why you have not before. All right. All I need is title or artist in order for you to win Beamer Tech. I'm not. I'm not sure. R.E.M. I'm going to give people a hint. There may be a theme that we're working on here today. Tom Tom Girl, there may be a theme.
That is my new bed, Mikey. M1 Curtis from San Diego. Wait a minute. I think I got the wrong one. M1. Is this M1 Casey from San Diego? Yes, it is. Okay. Casey, are you ready to play? Yep. Okay. All you got to do is listen to 20 seconds and give me title or artist for the win. Here we go. When the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light we will see. No, I won't be afraid. No, I won't be afraid just as long as you stand. Stand by me. And Ardalene, stand by me. Oh, now stand by me if the sky that we look upon should stumble and fall. Okay, Casey, can you give me the name of the song or the artist in order to win that one? Well, I don't sound like they're Stand By Me. That's true. That is true. It was Stand By Me. And the land is dark. By Benny King. And the moon is the only light we'll see. What's the prize, Jay? Tickets to see the circus. There you go. You're going to the circus. Hang in the line, please, Casey. M1 Jesse from Mission Valley. Are you there? I'm here. All right. It's your turn. You've got 20 seconds to listen to these lyrics. And give us an answer. Here we go.
Well, she was just 17. What? You know what I mean? And the way she looked was way beyond compare. So how could I dance with another? Oh, when I saw her standing there. Well, she looked at me and I could see that before too long I would fall in love with her. She would not dance with another. Oh, when I saw her standing there. M1 Jesse, we just need title or artist for you to win. Oh my God, I have no idea. It was the Beatles and... I saw her standing there. Do you know that it's been... What is today? Today's Friday. It's now been over a week and a half that I have not had radio in the bathroom, which for me is tough. I know to most people that doesn't seem like that's a big deal. For me, that's a tough thing. Why haven't you? Because the speaker, the system that we have that runs the whole house that gives the radio upstairs is... It's not working anymore. It's on the fritz. So now when I take a shower, no more radio. It's a real bummer for me to have to shower in that kind of way. So they're in silence and not having more music. That's great. Hey, buddy. It's me. Why are you here? Why are you here? I'm showering in my house. That's cool. No, but I'm...
I know. You don't have any clothes on. That's weird. Why are you? Neither do you. Well, I know, but I'm just in the shower. So why? Why? Showering. You can't come in the shower when I'm in the shower. Oh. Oh. There's an echo in here. There's a shower. We should do bits in here. No. You should get out of my shower. Go get your guitar. Where's your guitar? We should listen to the acoustics. We could ride a jam in here. Please. No, don't. Okay, but don't come back in here. Woods, please don't come back in. Babe! Babe! Don't let Woods back into the bathroom. How did he get into the house? What? Oh, gosh. Here comes Woods with a guitar. What are you doing? Don't get back in here. Don't get back in the shower. Hello? What are you doing? Check this out. This is going to sound rad. Listen. Just listen. You have a guitar in the shower. And it's actually not bad. This is pretty fun. But it sounds. And it sure sounds good. This is really weird too. It has a shower. It's kind of cool. No, it's not. Can you give me a ride to work? My foot hurt. It really hurts. I'm not supposed to get this boot wet.
No, he doesn't. Creepiest. Yes, I do. No, you don't. Did you show up in Mike's shower? What did you say, Jay? No, you don't. He doesn't. He just wears that boot. I see him walking around without the boot all the time. Do you? Yeah, you walked in this morning without it on. I didn't put it on in my car. I can walk, but I have to keep it on. Oh, you can walk with it. You can walk. Take off the fake boot. Yeah, this fake biscuit is old. Why don't you have a real cast? Yeah. Because I didn't need one. You're like Casey Anthony making up doctors, all right? Who was it? Zanny the doctor? Yeah, Zanny. Dr. Zanny? Let me see the x-ray. Come on. Yeah. Produce me an x-ray. You want me to have an x-ray? I'll get it. You're going to drive me down to the doctor's office. We're going to get in there, walk down the hole. Finally, you're going to stop and say, hey, I'm sorry. There ain't no doctor. There ain't no nothing. And I'm going to say, can I use the room here and talk to this creep and ask him, why'd you bring me down here? Jay, get Core Orthopedics on the phone. Be happy to talk to him. If it ain't broke, I'll break it for you. I'll touch you with my pinky and then it'll break. I'll just look at it. Let's see. I have a list of five ways that you can tell that you are at risk. And let's see if these are right. Five ways you can tell if you're at risk for a divorce. Number one, do you want a child more than your husband did?
You're twice as likely to divorce as a couple who was equally excited about having kids. Yet when you get married, if your husband or your wife says they don't want kids and you do, don't think that's going to change. Don't go into it thinking that that's going to change. It may, but don't count on it. Exactly. Don't count on it changing. Number two, do you have boys or girls or a combination? Families with two daughters. are more likely to divorce than families with two sons. I see that. Wow. Really? Oh, yeah. Dads, you know, are very protective of their little girls and may give more attention to the girls than the mom. And the girls go at it, and the guy can be like, enough! Just living in a house with three girls, too. Oof. Now, this is rabbit trail a little bit, but it's just a conversation on craziness. And it's, you know, we have three kids. We have a four year old and we have twins. They are going to be two in about a month. And they were all sick except for Luke. And at one point, Rebecca's in the we're all in the bedroom. Rebecca's in the bathroom throwing up. She in between throwing up says, can you watch Ryan? And I say, sure. So I go over to watch Ryan. Ryan starts throwing up. So he's crying because he's throwing up.
which makes Jake start to cry. So now I have Rebecca throwing up, Ryan throwing up and crying, and Jake screaming and crying. And in my head, I said this the other day, same bit, I pictured a close-up of my face in a fisheye lens and me in a straitjacket laughing hysterically. It was madness. Two doctors looking through a mirrored glass going, yeah. Yeah, he's lost. Yeah, he's lost. He's done. There's like a fly on the lens, like crawling on the lens. Yeah, doctor, he's done. We had the same scene in my house growing up. I remember one time specifically, but five kids, my dad out of town on business, just my mom, and two of the five kids had it coming out of both ends. Yeah. Yeah, man. Oh, Don. Buckets. Insanity. Insanity. I know. It makes you wonder. Honestly, it makes you wonder. You go, there was a time where I was 22 in a club ordering a drink for a hot blonde. On the beach laying out with nothing to do. Chris, come here. Little angel. Give me your life. Yeah. And that microphone.
That one. How old are you? 22. Do you like your life? I love my life right now. Do you have anything in your life that is a problem? There's problems. Don't worry about them. Okay. One day, my friend, you will have a child with a bucket. Pooping. Your wife will be losing her mind. She will... In her voice, resemble the sound of the wife that you married. But there will also be a sound in the voice that is not the woman that you married. It's a woman that's gone mad. She's lost her mind. You don't blame her. You lost your mind. And then there's another kid who's yours. And he's got a shirt on, but no diaper. And he's running around, telewagger going, the whole bit.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I forgot this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the middle of all of that, Rebecca said, Lukey, did you just pee on the carpet? True story. I'm not making. I promise you. I promise I'm not making that up. Was this in slow motion? All of it. It was all that I was going on. She came out of the bathroom and she goes, Lukey, did you just pee on the carpet? And I thought there was a time her and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Cuddling alone. Oh, yeah. Frenching. Frenching it up real good on the couch. I remember that one time we were at a restaurant called Epizodi. She was all dressed up, hair all done, 23 years old. I was, you know, still me.
And we hadn't seen each other for a while. And I remember we were gazing into each other's eyes. And our only concern was, well, how much can we drink and drive tonight? Who's going to be the DD? Should we get a cab? These were our fun decisions. Simple times. You know, pooping and throwing up. And Ryan's pooping and throwing up. And Luke, he's peeing on the carpet. And Jake is screaming in bed. Torture. It gets different, Chris. Sounds like I have a lot to look forward to. It's a blast. It's a blast. It's a blast. Here's down the way, you'll look back and you'll be stoked. You'll go, wow, that was a great. We made it. We made it. I will. Because I'm a good dad. Well, Mac.
I don't mind all the pooping and throwing up because I love my children. Right. It makes it a little easier to deal with vomit if you love them. Yeah, Mike. Mike. You know what makes the whole thing better? Mike. If you're a good dad, Mike. If you're like me, you'll look at your trophy room full with number one dad posters, mugs. It's all worth it. T-shirts, bumper stickers. Is Rebecca hard of seeing? Good one. You're glazing in each other's eyes. Glazing. Remember when y'all were glazing? Yeah, you know. I only say that, Mike, because you're as big as a little old ham. So when you looked in each other's eyes, yours were glazed. Honey glazed. Honey glazed. You silly sausage. This is my life. And this is it now, buddy. Being on the carpet, then coming to work and Jay playing, you silly sausage. You silly sausage. Good job. Money fan. Touche. Oh, man. So, Sienna said in her recap, I did something yesterday that made me feel like a monster. Now, you ask yourself, you're a monster. Now, before you judge, you are poor Sienna. You're going to judge me real good here. Well, listen, you ask yourself, have you ever done anything like this?
She was driving her car. She may or may not have been texting. And she was making a left at a four-way stop. Started to turn. Little old lady started to walk across the street. She immediately stopped, of course. Sienna immediately stopped. But the woman looked at her and said, nice driving. And Sienna's windows were rolled down. And she said, nice walking. This is the reaction. Nice walking. Nice walking. It's the first thing that came into her head. Nice walking. You're the one with the walker. What? Walker. Pedestrian. She did nothing wrong. Old walk. She did nothing wrong. I just didn't want to be insulted. Holy cow. Hey, listen. We've all had these moments, okay? Nice walking. I was mean, too. I was like, nice walking. Oh, man.
She looked back at me like, really? Well, have you ever had one of those moments where two seconds later you go, what's the matter with me? I'm a monster. I was like, who am I? I'm not the person my parents raised me to be. You want to find her and be like, okay, I'm sorry. I hope you're listening right now, old lady. I'm sorry. Comedian Bobby Slayton is coming into the studio next. The Pitbull of comedy. Don't go anywhere. Make some noise. is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Life's better with baseball. Can you think? And the 2011 season rolls on with more than 145 live Padre games exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego. And then... Padres win! Join John Weisbarth, Jenny Kavnar, and me, Bob Scanlon, for the Saquon Casino postgame show. And as always, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter all season long. The Padres are live as they host the Nationals, 6.30 Friday.
From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres' uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4 San Diego. We have Verizon tablets and smartphones because our crews have got to be connected. We use GPS maps, we exchange photos, and we generate estimates on the spot so we're more responsive to our clients.
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This report brought to you by In-N-Out Burger. In-N-Out Burger, no freezers, no microwaves, the way it's always been, always will. In-N-Out, that's what a hamburger is all about. Looks like the 15 northbound at Bernardo Center Drive, we do have a road service that's in poor condition, careful as you travel through there. Escondido backed up on the 15 southbound between the 78 Center City Parkway and the drive on the 80 eastbound, kind of slow right now, the 5 and the 15. This report also brought to you by Wawanese Insurance. With Wawanese's recent change in car rate, Many San Diego good drivers could save even more by switching. Call 877-WA-WANESA or go to wawanesaus.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBCT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I love that iPhone. It really is great. Lauren. I've taken a striptease class before. Woods. Yeah, that kid doesn't like to be told what to do. Sienna. Why keep the antibacterial hand gel in my purse at all times? And Jake. I'm going to open my beer right as we start. Oh, great. On Anthem 94.9.
Bobby Slate is in the studio. You know, it's so great to be here. You know, first of all, and I didn't come here to plug my show, of course, at the Comedy Palace tonight and tomorrow. That's not what I'm here for. Because you know what? When you come to the station, you know what it's about? It's about the music. It's about the music. And you can't let people forget that. It's not about me. But you know what I love doing? And I know you from the Bay Area from like 20 years ago. I've not been to San Diego in about 15 years. And I'm here. You know, I'm back on the road because you were asking me about all these great comics in the 80s. And a lot of them that I start out with, Dana Carvey, Robin Williams, Kevin Pollack went on to movies and television. But most of them, like 80% of them. And I won't even mention the names because people won't remember them. They're either all gone. They're either dead, became junkies. Their wives make money. They couldn't. But there's very few guys on my level that's still doing the occasional HBO special, doing the occasional movie. And a matter of fact, what's funny is that, you know, I took this gig at the Comedy Palace, which, by the way, I checked it out last night. It's not a palace. It's a Greek restaurant. But you know what? Hey, palace, Greek restaurant, what's the difference? It's all the same. But you see, because I played this dump called the Chuckle Hut years ago. Yeah. Make sure to town. I don't know where it was. But you went there and it really was a hut. And I go, great, great. This is great. This job sucks. And then, you know, you go to the improv comedy club and it's a club. It's a nightclub. So I come here thinking it's going to be a comedy palace. Right. You know, big statues. Yeah, but it's a Greek restaurant. It's a Greek restaurant. But like I said, you know what? If there's a microphone, there's vodka and there's an audience. It'll work. It'll work. And I don't know if there'll be an audience. Hopefully your show will put it over the top. But what I'm doing now is I'm working on another Showtime special. I did one. You know, you have a lot of ink.
You know, my last Showtime special called Born to be Bobby. That's what it called. Just the name Born to be Bobby screams tattoo. Born to be wild. Born to raise hell. Born to lose. So I had Born to be Bobby, big tattoo on my back. I had it to open up the special. I wanted to do something different. Every special, it doesn't matter if it's Bill Maher or Chris Rock. It's just a guy with a microphone. So I wanted to do something different. So the guy actually took three hours to do it. We edited it down to a minute. But I got a giant tattoo, Born to be Bobby, on my back. And my wife says, do you really need more ink? And I said, yes. She goes, can't you get a fake one? I go, I'm not gay. Can't you get a fake one? Boy, that's a commitment I had to my art. That's a commitment I had to Showtime. And you don't see the cancer weeds. You don't see Dexter. You don't see the guys from Deadwood doing tattoos on their back. But I care about what I do. That's right. That's right. And I'll tell you, my last Showtime special, which... I'm going to try to top it. Showtime said to me, you know, your last one was so offensive. And I watched it the other night and I said, you know, if you're not a married woman and you're not black or Asian or gay or Muslim or Jewish, I think you'll like it. And by the way, your audience is the exact audience I want to come out of my show. Unfortunately, and I understand most of them are going to go see X and 4th and B, which they should go see. So you play.
That kind of music, which is, you know, for people that don't know this, when you come to a radio station, you come in the lobby. The other two stations, you know, you have the Mikey Show, the alternative rock, but the other two stations, like, smooth 98, I have a new country. Now, what's really interesting is that before I do a show, alternative rock means really good rock. You play, like, a little Green Day, you play all kinds of cool stuff. But when you and I were in San Francisco, alternative meant, you know, gay. But now, so I come up and go, what is this, a gay show? I don't think it might be gay. Is it going to be a gay show? I mean, I know there's two guys on the show. I don't see a tiger. How are you, Bobby? It's good to meet you. I don't see a tiger. A tiger. A lion tiger. But you know what I'm saying? You can't use, there's certain words now that you don't know. Like, new country used to mean retarded. But now it's called new country. You can't call people retarded anymore. You can't. You can't. But anyways, it's, yeah. But it's, I. I just didn't know. Bobby Slayton, by the way, I said earlier, I grew up with Bobby Slayton because I grew up in the Bay Area and I used to, instead of being in high school, I used to drive up to see you guys, comedians, in Alex Bennett's studio. Alex Bennett was a great radio personality. He was one of the first guys that did the live studio audience and he would have comedians on. I mean, now Morning Radio, everybody does it from Howard Stern. I mean, you do it. I'm not saying Alex started it.
But when I was growing up as a kid, Alex was on the radio in New York. And he used to do some really cool stuff. He talked about legalizing pot. This was in the 70s. Nobody talked about this. And he had John Lennon and Black Panthers on his show. It was this radical, really cool show. And really, you know, when you're a teenager, you go, wow, man, smoking pot. You know, John Lennon. I, when he moved to the Bay Area, I went on his show. And he goes, do you know any other comedians? And that's when I brought in Robin Williams and Dana Carby and Alex. I'm like, you see, I know you do a lot of talk. You don't lie in the comics. What Alex did do was, Alex says, well, I can just sit here. I'll let the comedians do all the work. So he'd have comedians out from six to ten. And he'd sit there drinking coffee and eating a Danish. Seriously, I mean, it was funny because during commercial breaks, Alex would read the newspaper. And the comedians would sit around and riff. The commercials would end. He'd put the mics back up. He'd throw something out. And then he literally sometimes would be sitting there listening to you guys. And sometimes he'd be sitting looking at the paper. Yeah, he'd be reading magazines. And they'd just be riffing. Well, you know, people ask me why I talk so fast all the time. Besides the fact that I'm from New York, when I got my start in San Francisco in comedy, you'd be on the radio with all these other comics. So to get a word in, you have to talk fast. Then nobody, Dana Carvey, Kevin Pollack, none of those guys wanted to open up for rock bands. So there were all these Bay Area rock bands. Jefferson Airplane.
Santana, The Tubes, and then Rick Charles. I mean, everything from Blue Oyster Cult. And I opened up for Mink DeVille. You know, probably a lot of people don't even know who they were. But I opened for the New York Dollars. I opened for some amazing, amazing, amazing bands. Nobody wants to hear the comics, so you've got to talk really fast. So between morning radio, being from New York, opening for bands, oh, and the blow, the blow, yeah. Yeah, that does it too. Yeah, being on cocaine. That's also one of the reasons. I mean, I talk fast now, but when I used to do coke and have a vodka, I would talk so fast only dolphins could understand that. My best audience was SeaWorld. Thank you, thank you. One of my fans. Woods, you love, you love casino. Yes. You know the dude. No, but it wasn't casino. You're going to say me? No, no, no. It wasn't casino. In casino, the dude that all he did is sign the paperwork. That's all the guy did. He just signed the stuff. He wasn't anybody. That's Kevin Pollack. Yeah, I know Kevin Pollack. Okay, Kevin Pollack.
Very few people, they think of him as an actor. He was a very funny comedian back in the day. He was good. And Bobby was also in the Rat Pack, the movie, the Rat Pack with Ray Liotta. And Bobby Slayton was in that. Who did you play? I played Sammy Davis. You should see what I had to do. Blackface. I didn't play Sammy Davis. I had to get lipping Jack James, wear an eye patch. That was like with De Niro. It's like De Niro gaining weight to play Jake LaMotta or Meryl Streep learning German and playing violin. I was a method actor. He played Joey Bishop. He played Joey Bishop. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Sammy Davis. Who else would I play in that movie? Who else would I play? I can see it. But when you mention casino, I can't tell you how many people come up to me and go, I loved you in casino. I was in Get Shorty. I only had one scene with Travolta, but I was in Get Shorty with Travolta. And I played this casino. I played some casino publicity guy or something. It was one really cool scene.
People think it was Casino. And everybody, people come up, I loved you in Casino. And I'll say to people, I wasn't in Casino. No, I loved you. You were great. And finally, you just go, you know what? I've done so many films. I guess I forgot that one. That minor little film with Sharon Stone and De Niro. I mean, there's been so many. Do people argue with you and go, now you were. Now you were in it. You were in it. It was you. It was you. People even mix me up with Rich Jenny, Bobby Collins, all these other comics. I'm not sure who they mix me up with, but they come up to me. I love your bit about the cat taking a bath. I've done bits in the past that I don't remember. Right. But if it doesn't involve, you know, what a bitch my wife is or, you know, gay people or, you know, Asians, drivers. But a cat taking a bath, I don't think any time in my life, you know, did I do a job. And that wasn't me. No, it was you on that young comedian special. And I go, oh, yeah, yeah, I did that right after Casino. Yeah, okay. Can I go now? He's the pit bull of comedy. comedy it's surreal for me because i grew up going in that studio sitting in that studio watching a guy interview you now here you are here lucky me but here's the thing um by the way i appreciate you don't know how many radio shows don't have comics anymore because that stupid people meter thing how many radio stations and you know what i mean you do a lot of talk but there are stations now in the morning that i did for years they have the comic on for three minutes you know i did i did a stupid country station where you got to talk slow because they really are retarded you know
pretend you like Sarah Palin. Yeah, George Bush was a great president. She wanted to get their fat country asses to the show. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry I got to sell out once in a while. I mean, I despise those people. I mean, I have a gun, but I'd like to shoot them. You know, I have a pickup truck. I'd like to run them over. You know, I hate rednecks and I hate Jeff Foxwood and all that crap, but you got to pretend you like this garbage. Oh, my God. You know, I want some... Cannot compute. Yeah. I'll do those smooth, sunny-in-the-morning shows, and I know it's a fat housewife listening, so I can't tell you what a monster my life is. What a monster, what a horror marriage is. It's like being an Auschwitz. You know you're married. Oh, my God. Listen, I can't. I could do that here. I could do that here. Is that how it is? Yes, that's how it is. You're not married, are you? I am. It's how it is for him. If your husband's here, it's a nightmare. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. Your husband loves it? Yeah. I'll tell you one thing. He's lying. He loves it. He loves it most of the time. Yeah, most of the time. Yeah, it's just great. It's like your job. You have to like it because you're stuck. Bobby, how long have you been married? Oh, my God. 23 years. How long have you been married?
A year and a half. A year and a half. Look at me. I'm your future. A year and a half. We still hold hands and we go on cruises. We wear an action t-shirt. We get a big pop to it. Then sometimes we get Netflix. We watch a movie and he'll cry. And then they're shopping together. It's not going to last. You think everything's like Disney? It's not. It's like Saw. It's Saw. Oh my God. And I mean that in the nicest way. I can tell. Oh, my gosh. He's a romantic guy? No, not at all. Not at all. Okay, let me tell you something. My wife, God bless her. You know, people say she's a saint. She's not a saint. She always should be dead. So I wish she was a saint. But here's what I say. Oh, my God. No, I love my wife. No, she's pretty. As a matter of fact, you know, she's with me now. She's with me in San Diego, and it's so weird because I don't, that's one great thing about being married. I'm married 23 years, and with a windshield factor, it's like 100 years. The one, the reason I'm married so long is I was playing Vegas for five years. I was there five days out of the week at Hooters, and then went over to Tropicana. I'm on the road all the time. I never have to see her, so it's great. She's obviously deaf, too, right? Right. She's deaf. I'm blind. So it's perfect.
I can't see her fat ass. She can't hear me. My marriage is great. I don't cheat on her because, you know, I'm just afraid of getting caught. I'm afraid. I want to keep my stuff. Woods is right now Googling Bobby Slayton. Bobby Slayton CDs. I actually have a really cool wife and she knows that when I make fun of her, you know, everything in that house I paid for. She knows that these jokes. What's creepy is when she comes to my show and I do the wife joke, it's like, I haven't sex in front of your parents. We've all done that. It's just odd. It's creepy. It's not right. It's creepy. By the way, I do kids' parties, corporate events. Mikey, can I tell you one, let me get one word in. Here's the thing, and I don't want to mention this again, but when you called me the pit bull of comedy, you know, which became my moniker, getting back to that guy, Alex Bennett, he's the guy that gave me the name. He did? And people always ask me, where'd you get the name, the pit bull of comedy? I had no idea. In the 70s and early 80s, when I started doing stand-up comedy, you know, now every comic has a million credits. Every comic, I've been on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon, even at The Improv, I've been on BET, whatever, there's a million shows that showcase comics. But when I was a young comic,
There wasn't a lot of stuff. It was before I did The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I think I did Evening at the Improv was a big show. But there weren't a million shows on every network, Playboy, A&E. And so your credits, you know, you wanted something. So I was on Alex Abedick's show when pit bulls in the 80s became really in vogue. I don't know. And they got this bad reputation because people would get a pit bull and they'd attack the mailman. They'd wake up in the morning and the kid's arm was missing. And the baby was missing out of the carriage and the stroller. They would attack the owners. Bite the hand that fed themselves. Right. So I'm on the radio. I don't think McDonald's or Burger King, one of the sponsors, I do an innocuous little joke about Burger King. I don't know what it was. It was actually McDonald's. And all of a sudden, an account executive comes running in, pulling his hair out, going, you just lost a $50,000 account. McDonald's just pulled. And the joke was really nothing. It's like anything Jay Leno might say on his show. And so I lost him a $50,000 account. And Alex Bennett goes, we put you on the show to plug your gigs. We put you on the show to promote whatever you're promoting. And you're like a pit bull who bite the hand to feed you.
And that Pitbull a comedy thing kind of stuck. Yeah. And now it's like I'm kind of sick of it. Now there's a guy named Pitbull and people call me the Bulldog and whatever. Oh my gosh. He's got me sweating. Yeah. Sweating profusely. Are you worried that I'm going to say something wrong? No, of course not. Why would I be worried that you're going to say something wrong? This is the alternative rock and roll show. Of course. Yeah, you know, the gay station. Why would I be worried that you're going to say something wrong? Let me say I love gay people. In San Francisco, I mean, you used to come see me there, and that's not really, we didn't really become that close. Didn't we? It doesn't. It also lasted 23 years, but, you know. No, but you know what it is? There's a lot of gay people, and you've got to give them credit for breeding so much. They're making so many gays, and for people who can't breed, they're doing a good job. Woods is looking at me right now like,
What are you going to do now, Mike? Am I going too far? Feast on this. I got my arms crossed. I'm sitting back just nodding. I don't see why there's a lot of Mexicans. Can I just finish? Mexicans don't even have to have sex. You can plant a Mexican toenail and grow a Mexican. No, they're good people. At least not be done. Oh my gosh. It's about the music. Can we get back? It's about the music. Oh my gosh. Just encouraging. Oh my gosh. I almost just threw up. The Comedy Palace, by the way, is not a palace. It's a Greek restaurant. We went there last night. Actually, great Greek food. It's really good. It's great. So come on down, get a gyro and... I don't know that. We had those grape leaves last night. We had Greek beer. There you go. I love that place. They're not paying me a lot of money. I'm just doing it because I'm working on my new Showtime special. It's tonight and tomorrow night, by the way. Yeah, my wife's with me, like I said. That's going to be brutal. You know why she's with me, by the way? Why? She's getting obscene phone calls and didn't want to stay home alone. You know, this really is retarded because I used to pay...
Like, what, $4 a minute to get dirty phone calls? I'm a guy. If I'm looking to get a free one, I'm sleeping with the windows open and a condom under the pillow hoping the hooker fairy may show up. I keep worried about not answering the phone. Women, you've got to focus. Screw Dr. Phil. Dr. Bobby's in the house. I should have been a doctor. I can help you with your marriage. My marriage is great. I'm going to be back here next year. Okay? Can I come back next year? Of course. I'm going to do the Comedy Palace again. Okay? And we're going to see how happy you are, princess. Okay? Princess. Bobby Slayton is doing two nights, tonight and tomorrow night at the Comedy Palace. And tickets are available to Ticketmaster. Or you can just go right down to the Greek restaurant. I'm sure there'll be plenty left. Just show up at 7.30. Plenty left. They'll be available. Don't worry about it. Now, it says here that you were also in Dreamgirls. I had no idea that you were in the movie Dreamgirls. Yeah, well, I was. What did you do? Who were you? It was really funny. I think I was the only white guy. It was me and one other guy.
No, seriously. Really? Yeah, it was... Yeah, I did it... Yeah, you know what I played? It's really weird. They had a... It was like a Don Rickles fast-talking insult comic. Again, another stretch for me. Another stretch. Right, right. I had to get into character for that because to have to do that. But, you know, we use... I use the word colored in Negro. It was the 1960s, you know? And... It was with Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy. And it was pretty funny because it was a great scene. But it was back in the 60s. I think Eddie Murphy was playing that character. And I had to be the comic opening up. And I brought him on stage. These are good people. They can sing and dance. And they can clean up after. They're good people, these people. It was very demeaning and very sarcastic. But that's the way people acted back then. And I had to get into that role. Hey, man, we were playing the other day. We were playing. clips from a Dean Martin roast. Yes, and what happened? We were playing scenes from a Dean Martin roast. He doesn't know that it's coming from you, Jay. It's coming from... See the guy behind you in the glass? Do not. Yeah, it's that guy. That's the guy that you're looking at. Anyway, we were playing... So we were playing these scenes from this Dean Martin roast, and we were like...
If that was said today, there's no way in the world. There's no way in the world. Well, they do that on some of those roasts. I mean, they, you know, Lisa Lampanelli will do it. Greg Giraldo, you know, who's a great comic, kind of did that. And they were, you know what, but they're expected to go over the top. Right. You know, they do kind of do it. Have they asked you, have you done any roasts? No, you know why? Because I'm not signed with Comedy Central. And I, you know what, you know what, I hate those things. I used to do the real roasts, you know. I mean, I was a young comic and there's Milton Berle, Larry King, Jackie Cooper, remember him? Yeah. And Red Buttons, all these, you know. Oh, yeah. So I'm up there, and you've got to insult these guys. I'm like 25, 30 years old. I'm at the Friars Club in Beverly Hills. What am I going to make fun of Milton Berle? Here's a guy that's Mr. Television. that's why i hate doing those comedy central ones i don't know many of those guys yeah and so you when you get up and you know in the old days you had you know sinatra and bob hopey jack betty they were all friends all knew each other they all hung out together i don't hang out with any of those idiot so what about you and the guys that meant a lot to you who was the guy that you met comic wise that was your you know he was the deal for you you know he was actually great believe it or not
and you might not know him by watching his show today, was Jay Leno. You talk to anybody. Even Bill Hicks used to be my opening act. Everybody loved. Jay Leno. Really? Yeah. Jay Leno was one of the best stand-ups I had ever seen. You know, when I started doing stand-up in the 70s, I went down to the comedy store and the improv because I was in San Francisco. And all the guys, me and, again, Robin, went down and got more committee. And me and Pollock and Dana, we always hung out. And we said, we'd always go out to dinner. We'd go, whoever makes it first helps the other guys. You think I ever get a call from Pollock and Carvey? Bastards? Actually, Pollock had a big deal at CBS and got me a pilot. And Dana and I are still friends. They're doing fine. But you guys would all hang out in diners and go get food together. And this was way before the days of anybody, of Robin Williams, anybody knowing Robin Williams the way that we know Robin Williams now. What do you think it is? Why does somebody like Robin Williams take off and get to do movies that are not even comic related and then other guys just don't? Well, he's a great actor, you know. I hate acting.
It's just so stupid. You don't like it? No, I hate it. How come? I just hate it. The only reason I like to act is it's a paycheck. And when you become more famous, even guys like Norm Macdonald, once you're in a movie, then people come to see you at the comedy clubs. I just want to do stand-up. And there's a few guys. So it's not fun to you. No, God, you sit there all day and you had to memorize these stupid lines and hit your mark and, oh, my God. But what about the actual seeing those cameras in front of you doesn't do something to you saying, I'm doing something that I grew up watching as a kid and now I'm a part of it? You know, it was cool at the Rat Pack because, you know, we actually filmed in the, it was really creepy, actually. We filmed the John Kennedy inauguration party about right where Robert Kennedy got killed in the Ambassador Hotel. We're actually standing right in that. It was really creepy. Right. But that was kind of cool in a creepy way. Yeah. But I was on the show Mind and Married Man on HBO for two years. Yeah. And Mike Binder, who went out to do a lot of stuff. Mind and Married Man, it was, I couldn't wait to finish shooting.
And they'd say to me, Monday, by Friday, we'd shoot. They'd go, Bob, we'll give you more lines later in the week. And every day, they'd change the script. I'm going, give me the less crap I got to do, the better. Really? And I hate it. You know, it's nice to be on HBO. It's nice to be on a series. And it was a series I was on between The Sopranos and Curb Your Enthusiasm, and still nobody watched it. Story of my life. But there was one episode where they had two porno stars who were actually in the show as dancers. Yeah. And we had a big scene. I forgot what the scene was. But I knew the porno stars, these two hot chicks. And they didn't really give them a nice dressing room. And I had a nice dressing room. So I told them they could share my dressing room for the week. Smart. I had the two porno stars. My wife never knew about this. Philanthropist. I had the two porno chicks. Sweet guy. dressing room for the whole week. That part of acting I like. You're like Mother Teresa. That was a tough one. We're talking about Bobby Slayton. Comedy Palace tonight and tomorrow. Tonight and tomorrow. My question is, if you're doing the acting and you don't like it, when you have to memorize the lines and all that stuff, does anybody teach you? Does anybody go, listen Bobby.
Here's the easiest way to remember lines. Yes. What is it? I don't know because I can't remember. You know what it is? Every actor I know, when you think about a sitcom, you look at Ray Romano, Drew Carey, you think about anybody that has a sitcom. What is it? It's a half hour show. So between the commercials, I think the entire show is 18 to 20 minutes. How much of your material? So you're doing maybe 10 to 15 minutes. There's other scenes that you're not in and they change it as you go along and you go along. So Monday when you get to script, they say, well, don't bother to learn it because we're going to change it. up till Thursday, maybe even Friday morning when you shoot it. I don't know if it's all the drugs I did. I don't know if I got ADD. I don't know what it is, but I can't memorize any of this stuff. You don't know if you have ADD? You don't know if you have ADHD? I don't know. I just can't. Here I can concentrate. Fine. I did a show last year for the Disney Channel with Demi Lovato. You know who that little monster is? Oh, my God. I don't want to get into it. She just got out of rehab. She was a monster. A horrible little teenage girl. She was in rehab. Dated Jonas Brothers. She had a cutting incident. She punched out a girl on the plane. It was one of my daughter's friends because my daughter dates one of Michael Jackson's dancers. And he lives in my house now.
This is a reality show. Okay. Yeah. One of Michael's dancers. So he's probably gay. So that's fine. He's in my daughter's bedroom all the time. I don't know what they're doing in there. Oh my gosh. I hear a lot of banging around. They're probably dancing. That's what they do. She's 23. It's okay. But anyway, what I was going to say was I had to dress up as Paulie the Polar Bear. I think it's on the internet somewhere. Somebody stuck it on YouTube. I was Paulie the Polar Bear. I had to get in a polar bear costume for the week, okay? And every day I'm sitting on the set going, you know, I'm a polar bear. I'm on a Disney show with Demi Lovato. This is a nightmare. But every day I put on the polar bear costume. I'm saying to myself, you know, no matter what anybody says, I'm in the same business as Robert De Niro. I'm in the same business. I am in the same business as Albert De Niro. Pacino okay it's just they're doing that and I'm Paulie the polar bear and Friday morning I get to the set we're gonna shoot in front of a live studio audience the day before somebody forgot to send me my lines they never sent them to me they said oh mommy we redid the script I go I didn't get it we changed all your stuff so here I am in a polar bear costume I don't know my lines it was a
It was hot. It was so bad. And you can't read from cue cards because you're in a polar bear costume. I can't see a thing. You can't even hold it. You can't even hold it. No, no. It's brutal. But by the way, people are going to work right now. It's a fine job. People are going, I trade my, you know, I get to wear a name tag and say to people, hey, what's my shoe, eight and a half? There are people doing horrible jobs right now. That's right. And we should do anything to even have a morning radio show, as brutal as that is. They would do anything to do what we do. Slayton is going to be at the Comedy Palace tonight and tomorrow night. Tickets are at Ticketmaster. around the Comedy Palace. Big round of applause for Bobby Slater, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Bobby. More from the Mikey Show coming up. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. What is value? Buying those tickets for the game where the seats are located exactly behind the column? You gotta have x-ray, man. Now think about your cell phone. You and I know that value means getting all the quality you need at the right price. Whether you upload, download, send, receive, or just text that to say hola, you need a network that can deliver real value.
And that network is Verizon. Switch now to America's largest high-speed wireless network and get unlimited data for only $29.99 monthly access when added to a voice plan. And celebrate Father's Day with our great deals on Droid phones, like the new and powerful Droid X2. Or give a global-ready Droid Pro for $99.99 after a $50 mail-in rebate debit card. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. There's only one. New two-year activation and data pack required. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details in Spanish at VerizonWireless.com. Mother's cookies will always remind me of Grandpa's house. Or better yet, leaving Grandpa's house. When I was little, we had family reunions at his place in Santa Maria. And at night, we'd sit around the living room, and my aunts and uncles would retell outrageous old stories. Usually at the same time.
That's when Grandpa would give me the signal, and we'd slip out for a drive to get Mother's cookies. We both loved the circus animals for the pink frosting and the way the round sprinkles crunch on your teeth. On the way back, Grandpa would take the long way home, and we'd eat cookies and listen to nothing but big band jazz and the sound of the ocean. I know it's simple, but Grandpa and I both liked simple. And now, at every family reunion, that's the story I like to tell. Over and over again. Mother's cookies. There's a memory in every bite. Prepare for an adventurous career by earning a professional certificate in marine technology from National University Polytechnic Institute. Available specializations include advanced dive medicine and underwater inspection technology. Classroom courses and hands-on training are held at our convenient San Diego campus. National University Polytechnic Institute provides assistance with job placement.
Financial aid is available for those who qualify. Learn more at nupolytech.org. nupolytech.org. Okay, honey, I booked a great hotel on Expedia, and we got a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card. $50? Woo-hoo! See if the neighbors can beat that. $50 in gas! Yeah, well, mow your lawn. Oh, you should, hon. Get a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card when you book with your MasterCard during Expedia's My Summer is Better Than Your Summer Sale. Where you book matters. Expedia. Minimum stay required and subject to availability. Booked by July 4th. Travel by August 31st. Terms and restrictions apply. See site for full details. Epic on three new coasters at Six Flags. Go 100 miles an hour backwards on Superman Escape from Krypton. Go together on the all-new Roadrunner Express Coaster. Head over heels on the new Vertical Spin Coaster, opening July 1st. Save $25 on admission with any can of Coke or at SixFlags.com. Go Six Flags Magic Mountain. You want out. You're headed for a divorce. But before you head for an attorney, think about calling a fairway mediation. First, it costs less.
considerably less. And it's not about two lawyers fighting tooth and nail over what used to be your marriage. It's you and her figuring out what's best for both of you. It accomplishes what you want. but it's a lot less painful for everyone involved. Call a fairway mediation at 619-702-9174 or online at afairway.com. Save money, your sanity, and some decency in your divorce. Use a fairway mediation. If you're looking for pure summer enjoyment, head to Albertsons. Their fresh produce is picked at the peak of flavor, then rush to the store for superior taste. Just add grilling favorites and bakery fresh buns, and you have everything you need to put together your get-togethers. Fresh summertime fun. You'll find it at Albertsons. Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. When I see people at baseball games or at the fair and they're walking around with a white cardboard stick and it's got cotton candy wrapped around it, I feel sorry for them. That's a true statement. Lauren. The best way to clean your house? Yeah. In your underwear. Woods. You know what's good? Cheesecake. Zienna. I do everything for Todd, I swear. I pick out his clothes. I make his meals. I make all of his appointments. And Jake. I am a boob man. On FM 94.9. Slayton McNair.
Yeah, he did. I'll have you back. See, twilight will never get you. You're a paradox in my mind. Here's the deal. Because if I say wiener, you give me a weird look. Well, here's the deal. I wouldn't have... He's not going to be... He's not a regular... Yeah, exactly. What he is is Tabasco. Yes. You don't put Tabasco on everything. Don't you, Mikey? Okay. Well, you do. I do. But Tabasco is a condiment, all right? You don't use it for everything, but, and, you know, there's some of his stuff that is not necessarily my deal. Right. But, you know. If I'm watching him at home, no problem. Shirt off, lean back like this. Well, I said, man, I said. Why is my shirt off? I'm just kidding. The problem is, is that it's almost like, what makes me uncomfortable is that I almost feel like everyone else is way more uncomfortable than I actually am. Because of you. I'm not. That's why. And I'm not. I mean, I'm not. I'm just, you know, so you know, I'm not. I mean, that's his bit. That's what makes us nervous is you. Yeah, I know. I wish that I could, you know, make it so you guys weren't. But if you're good with it, then I'm good with it. Yeah. I mean, once a year and you know what I mean. He's without a doubt the fastest talker I have ever seen in my life. He's a fast thinker. The guy is just, he's brilliant. But the thing about him.
And I was asking him this question, but I know the answer to the question. I think that the reason that a lot of these comics have gone on to do stuff is that he's been uncompromising. You know, Bobby Slayton, from the time that I used to go in when I was 18 years old and see him when I was 18 years old, 17 years old, he hasn't changed. He's just as brilliant as he was then, but he's never been willing to clean the act up. You know, Craig Gass. Craig Gass is a brilliant, brilliant comic. Now, I've been driving with Craig before and said, dude, I'm telling you this as your buddy. You could be one of the biggest stars in the world, but you got to clean the act. You just got to clean the act. And he's like, that's not funny to me. Right. He's a purist, man, and so is Bobby. They live for the comedy. It's not funny for him, you know. And the thing, too, is there are some comics that were dirty that were able to adapt to. You know, I mean, that had to be me.
Yeah, that had to be me. I mean, I when I went through the changes that I went through, I was like, oh, man, I mean, I physically can't say the same words because it's like soap in my mouth. I can't do it. It doesn't taste the same to me. And so I had to come up with a new thing to be funny. And somebody said to me here in our studio audience today that she thought I was funny, which was a big compliment to me because all of my humor and I mean all I don't mean ninety nine percent. I mean, 100% of my humor was filthy. A hundred percent of it. There wasn't, well, you know, 25% of it was clean. A hundred percent of it was filthy. And I found something the other day on a cassette tape from back in the day. And I thought, what would L.O.B. and Sienna and Woods and, you know, Woods remembers. And Jay kind of remembers, especially Yellow Bee and Sienna, who never heard that. Bring it in so we can hear it. Well, I'd never play it on the air. No, no. I wouldn't hear it. Yeah. But it was crazy. Craziness. But then, you know, it was like a bell went off for me and everything changed. Portrait Prince, by the way, is our friend Jared's website. And what it is, portraitprints.net, is he'll take a regular photograph.
and turn it into what looks like an oil painting. We've got them here in the studio, the one that we have framed here in the studio. And what's great about that one is he can take a variety of photographs and Photoshop different photographs together into one and then make that a print. So it's really cool. Check it out. New movies coming out today, Sienna. What do we got? Well, all of you guys are just going to love these movies. Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. Heather Graham's in it, though. She's hot, right? Yeah, she's way hot. Judy Bloomy and the what? Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. Sounds like a Judy Bloom book. What is that? It's a movie that follows Judy Moody, who's sure she's going to have the worst summer ever until her aunt, Heather Graham, who she's never met, comes to visit. Does she get topless in it? No, but she's like wearing little jean shorts and running around and stuff like that. It's a girl movie. Yeah. Heather Graham doesn't age, I've noticed. No. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. Also out, Super 8. It's a new...
Action sci-fi. I want to see it. J.J. Abrams directed it. Woods. Woods. She said the magic words. Sci-fi. Steven Spielberg produced it. J.J. Abrams directed it. It's not going to be stupid. It's not fantasy by definition. Well, it can't be stupid if those dudes did it. Here's a clip. Train derailed. I want to see it tonight. Really? I want to see it tonight. Woods. But Dakota Fanning's little sister is in it, Woods. Woods. Don't you like to... You know what? But... Kyle Chandler, Ellie Fanning, Joel Courtney. Oh, wow. Huge cast. Joel Courtney's in it. So you know it's good. So you know it's good. It's directed by J.J. Abrams, though. It's going to be great.
Who the hell is J.J. Abrams? I don't know. J.J. Abrams was the producer of Lost, and then he directed the Mission Impossible movies. Like Cloverfield or something like that? He did Cloverfield. The guy's good. Okay. He's good. Also, the Delmar Fair is open today. San Diego Fair. I'm so sorry. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Letters. People will ostracize you. I know. Is that it for the movies? That's it. Let's see. Love or summer. Let's see. M1 Larry from Chula Vista. Are you there? Yeah. What was the word of the day? Bell. That's right. Well done. Just got yourself a pair of tickets to Kings of Leon with a band of horses at Cricket Wireless on September 4th. Congratulations, bro. Thank you. Hang on the line, please. Do you guys know what a mail-in dinner is? Ladies don't. Guys do. Let me tell you what a mail-in dinner is, okay? Mail-in dinner is cereal is mail-in dinner. Mail-in dinner is macaroni and cheese. Fake grilled cheese sandwich. And by fake, you mean? Not good cheese. Colby Jack cheese. Mail-in. What?
Well, not what a grilled cheese is traditionally made out of, which is a Kraft single. Ew. Colby's better. Colby is better. It's oily, greasy, hard. It's filthy. Okay. Filthy. You mailed it in. Yeah. Mail-in dinner. This is something that... Now, first of all, I'll state from the beginning. Oh, look at that. We've run right out of time. I'll have to tell you all about it when we come back. Guys, do you know what a mail-in dinner is? If you do and your wife's ever made you a mail-in dinner, call us and tell you... What we want to know is, what's that mail-in dinner that you go, oh, really? This again. With it? Oh. You sweating from slaving over that stove? Oh, boy. Maybe you guys can make dinner. God forbid. 570-1949. We're just bringing home bacon real good. Yeah, so it's for women. Jamming good with with and gay. I'm interacting this broadcast to tell you. E-show now. Golf on. 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. The Ultimate Fighting Championship presents UFC 131. When size meets size, speed meets speed, and power meets power. Only one thing will matter. Who lands first? 22 combined first-round finishes, then 12 total knockouts. Junior Dos Santos.
Shane Carwin. And the first man to ever fight in four different weight classes. Kenny Florian makes his featherweight debut against 16-1 Diego Nunes. While Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt Damian Maia takes on the Filipino wrecking machine Mark Munoz. UFC Personal Trainer presents UFC 131. Dos Santos vs. Carwin. Live this Saturday night. Only on paper. Visit UFC.com for details. Order by using your Cox Remote Control by tuning in to Channel 501 or in HD on Channel 798 after 5.30 p.m. on Saturday. Enjoy the fight. At Vons, we love summer, so we're going to help you make the most of it with fantastic prices all summer long. Right now with Vons Club, wild-caught, fresh Copper River sockeye salmon fillets are only $7.99 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack.
High in omega-3s and packed with protein, Alaskan salmon from the icy cool waters of the Pacific Northwest is a delicious and nutritious way to make your next meal a little more special. And nothing goes better with fresh salmon on a warm summer night than a delicious glass of wine. So be sure to use Vons Club, because when you do, you can save 30% off all reds, whites, champagnes, and sparkling wines. Plus, you can save an additional 10% when you buy six or more 750 milliliter or larger bottles. With everyday low prices and our great Vons Club specials on all your favorite items, Vons is going to help you make every summer day a celebration. Vons, ingredients for life. Hey, are you trying to save money right now for your summer vacation? This is Mikey for the auto insurance specialist. Now listen, AIS, first of all, you know, just from me telling you, they are the absolute best. Gas prices right now, they're the highest they've been since the summer of 2008. A Gallup poll that they took back in March 2000 said that over 25% of Americans predict that gas is going to be over $5 a gallon this year. Think about that. Just in airfare, average round-trip ticket in the U.S. on a U.S. airline is expected to be about 30% by this summer over last year's.
Come on, now's the time to be saving money. 1-800-777-4AIS. The average AIS customer reports savings of an average of $500 a year. I save $1,600 a year. Go online. You can find them online too. It takes about five minutes. AISinsurance.com or call 800-777-4AIS. The Home Depot guarantees that you pay the lowest total price on carpet, pad, and installation. So you get the beautiful new carpet your home has been waiting for, you get the advantage of a lifetime stain warranty, and you save money every step of the way. So bottom line, you won't find a better bottom line anywhere else. With the lowest total price on carpet, pad, and installation guaranteed. More saving. More doing. That's the power of the Home Depot. U.S. only. See store for details. And the winner. of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Weigh Off is... A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing. Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot sauce goes on anything. Its aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot sauce. I put that s*** on everything.
This Friday, the Padres and Washington Nationals at Petco Park. And Padres Party at the Park featuring Margarita Park. Enjoy specialty margaritas, food, and live music. $5 drinks with fryer funds available for purchase between 4.30 and 7 p.m. Saturday, June 11th, San Diego Harley-Davidson will be hosting the third annual Bandit the Biker Dog Memorial Blood Drive from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at 5600 Kearney Mesa Road. Where else can you give the gift of life, have free lunch, enjoy live bands, and hang out where you're family? San Diego Harley-Davidson. No regrets, no cages. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Lauren. I was the creep. Yeah. I was kissing boys when they were sleeping. How old? Four. Woods. I like being out in the country, too, man. Throw a dip of snuff in, have a couple beers, kind of feel like a man, right? Sienna. I want to fly to New York just to go to the Pop-Tart store. And Jake. I can cry now at the drop of a hat. Something just sad happens. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise with our live studio. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, but hold steady. Stay positive. I will. Thank you. That's the name of the album. I will. You stay positive. Words to live by. I think Woods and I are both in agreement that grilled cheese sandwich is definitely the height of the mail-in dinner. Yeah. The height? Yeah. Like, in other words, if you made a list of the top mail-in dinners, grilled cheese. Being the worst one? Yeah. Top ramen.
soup, cereal. Mac and cheese from the box. Easy Mac. Mac and cheese from the box is actually tough because you've got to boil the water, you've got to cut the butter, you've got to pour the milk. That's actually kind of a beating. You put a little time into it. You've got to butter the bread, you've got to warm up the pan. Isn't there work involved in that too? A little bit. I think a PB&J is pretty weak. With chips. With chips. A little... bag of chips that you give to your kid. They put the bag on the paper plate. What if it comes with the celery things with peanut butter and raisins on it? I'm a man. I want a man's dinner. If you missed it, the other day, Wood's wife came home and he was shutting the cabinets all loud. Baby. And she goes, what? What? He goes, I'm hungry. And she goes, fine, what do you want? He goes, a well-balanced meal. A well-balanced meal. She cracked up laughing. Yeah, it's pretty funny. She had just gotten home from work. She fixed me a well-balanced meal. Sienna, listen, all I need, all Mike needs, it's just dinner. It's just dinner.
I mean, seriously. Jamie works, though. It's different. You had been home for seven hours before she got home. Fair enough, but I'm also hurt. Rebecca works harder than I do. Yep, so does Jamie. You're hurt. You're right. Rebecca works. But we all have our role that we play. Right. That you've decided on, though. Yeah, collectively. It wasn't like I decided it. It's not like I threw darts at a board and went, oh, I landed on that one. That's what you get. Boop, that's the one I landed on. Did Jamie decide she was going to be the one that made the food? Don't know. What? Don't know. No, but I mean, listen. I like a caretaking woman, and she's really good about it most of the time. It's those times that she's not. We don't have one guy brave enough. I know. They're chicken ass, dude. Ridiculous enough. Chicken ass. Roles we play. Cam definitely does mail-in dinners, but it's... I recall being in the urinal with one Jacef Isabel. Absolutely. And I believe he mentioned...
Shells and cheese. Oh, and he was furious. I will never. He was furious. I won't say it on the air. I ain't saying it on the air. I ain't an idiot. 100%. And I was like, shells and cheese? Are you kidding me? If she's not going to put the effort in, she should tell me and I will. This is what I get. That's exactly what he said. Shells and cheese? Yeah. She defrosts. Her thing is she likes to defrost a dinner of some sort. She goes to Trader Joe's and warms it up. I'm like, really? That's not cooking. That's warming it up. Mail in, dude. It's mail in. Real Jay stands up. That's right. Well, I already said all women are hookers, so. No, no. I just don't agree with the roles. I think it could be a shared experience. Ain't nobody going to get mad at me, so I can say what I want. Hey, listen. I'm like Bobby Slayton. I can say whatever I want. 5701949. You're kidding me. Nobody's called? No, there's no guys that are willing. You are all Sally liars. They're a little scared. You're all Sally Luck. Can we hear it for Il Padrino Pizza, please? Thank you to Il Padrino Pizza, who came in today. And by the way, the first 30 people after 4 o'clock this afternoon that go in and say that they heard this on the Mikey Show will get free pasta today. They're at 859 Hornblend Street in PB. It's around the corner. Calm down, Mike. Okay. I know you liked it.
It's around the corner from Miller's Field, and the website is ilpadrinopizza.com. And so please, by all means, give them a call. End of the show on Friday, I give you my testimony and tell you my story. And that is, by the way, just on our website, we just put on our website, had a listener that was really cool and does video stuff. And did a video of my testimony. And so it's different than what I usually say on the radio. Never know what I'm going to say on the radio. I don't usually plan it out. So it's just a portion of my story. Basic part of my story is that like a lot of people, I grew up very insecure and with low self-esteem. And felt really bad about myself all through high school.
And into my 20s, always felt like an outsider and ugly, worthless. Those are the feelings that were always, always with me. By the time I was 33, I was addicted to alcohol and really, really addicted to alcohol. In my testimony that I gave in the video, I talked about how, you know, I had this low self-esteem and I had moved out to Dallas and I was getting attention from. Doing a lot of stuff in strip clubs. And I was getting attention from a couple of dancers. And I remember that one night I had this dream. I had this bad dream. I was in hell. It was so real. I can remember what it felt like and smelled like and looked like. And it was a terrifying dream. And I turned a corner. And there was one of these girls that I knew at the time that was one of these dancers. And she was holding her head in her hand. And it was laughing.
And it scared me so bad, man. I woke up from that dream and I was so scared, alone. And I remember that there were so many times during that period of my life that I knew that God was reaching out to me. Back to San Diego, was living out of a hotel, addicted to alcohol, lonely, depressed, and felt like I didn't have any hope. If there's anybody that's listening that's addicted to alcohol or addicted to meth, or has an eating disorder, or is addicted to cocaine or pills, and you don't have any way out, and you want to, go to MikeyShow.com. And at the top of the page, it says Help. You can click there, and there's all kinds of places that you can call. Rehabs. There's places that you can call for depression. Places that you can call for all that stuff. Addiction. And there are places on there that, if you can't afford it,
that can help you. And there are places on there that if you have insurance that can help you. The reason that I tell you my story is because Jesus Christ saved my life in 2003. I gave my life over to him. 2005, I started to read the Bible. My life blew up spiritually. And the more that I trusted in God, the more things changed and were blessed in my life. It was not a ticket to happy times. In fact, I experienced the worst time in my life, which was some of my best friends betraying me. And that was the worst thing that ever happened in my life. And it happened when I was full on in love with God. So it is by no means a cure and an end to sorrow. But what it is, is hope. I never lost hope during that period. I never lost hope. I got depressed.
But I never lost hope. And let me tell you something, man. If that had happened 10 years ago, I would have drank myself into an oblivion. MikeyShow.com if you're going through any of that stuff. I always play a song at the end of the show that hopefully you listen to the words of it and it means something to you. That the words will mean something. So I ask you to listen to the lyrics of the song. And this is a song by a band called Red. And it's called Pieces. Hillary's up next. Have a great weekend and we will see you again on Monday. The Mikey Show's out late.