The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 06/15/11
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Facebook addictionfailed jokespets and familyexpensive mistakesprank callsmarriage and hall passespolyamorygross out challengesweight and fitnessgendered jobsmikey showfacebook
Mike and the crew argued that people who claim to be over Facebook still compulsively watch it, and they split over whether Sienna should rehome her jealous dog Zipper. Lauren O'Brien survived the Incorporator by feeding absurd words to computer technician Quinn, while Woods recalled causing roughly $40,000 in hotel flood damage and later ate donuts off filthy or embarrassing surfaces. Callers pushed the Hall Pass discussion into a candid account of a failed polyamorous household, and the hosts also challenged the idea that a young man working as a restaurant host had taken a feminine job. The show repeatedly turned Mike's weight into comedy, especially after Rebecca noticed him winded from running upstairs and a survey said people let themselves go at his exact age, 41.
What happened, in order
Facebook Isn't Over
Mike and the crew mocked Facebook quizzes and dramatic status updates while arguing that users who claim to be finished with the site are still addicted to watching other people's lives.
Dalai Lama Joke Bomb
An Australian reporter told the Dalai Lama the 'one with everything' pizza joke, then struggled through the painfully silent failure when the wordplay did not translate.
The Case for Zipper
After Sienna's jealous dachshund Zipper urinated on the guest bed, Mike suggested rehoming the dog and then jokingly defended Zipper as a client entitled to her pre-baby lifestyle.
Woods Floods a Hotel
Woods recalled hanging a suit on a hotel sprinkler head, snapping it off, getting blasted with black water, and receiving an initial damage bill of about $40,000.
Lauren's Incorporator
A visibly shaking Lauren O'Brien called Quinn at Ace Computer Repair and naturally worked eight listener-supplied words—including resurrection, decapitation, duffel bag, fart, chandelier, and chimichanga—into the convers
The Hall Pass Debate
Prompted by Woods watching Hall Pass twice, the crew and callers debated whether spouses would really grant or use a week away from marriage and whether trust made the offer safe.
Inside a Polyamorous Home
An anonymous caller described living with a boyfriend and girlfriend, leaving when the couple became controlling, and later choosing monogamy with the father of her child.
Dropped Food Challenge
Woods ate donut pieces from the men's bathroom floor, Jay's bare belly, and Lauren's sockless shoe before he and Jay exchanged painful groin slaps on camera.
The Staircase Roast
Mike admitted Rebecca thought something was wrong after he ran upstairs and became winded, prompting an extended barrage of hamburger, hippo, and broken-elevator jokes.
Is Hosting Girly?
The hosts challenged a father who criticized his 18-year-old son's restaurant-host job, then argued over whether hosting and nursing are unfairly treated as feminine work.
Mashed Potato Club
Mike spun Woods's real job at a gay-friendly Chicago bar into an escalating series of invented theme nights, contests, drinks, and stories that Woods repeatedly denied.
Letting Go at 41
A survey naming 41 as the age people let themselves go hit Mike personally, and the crew pressed him about gaining 50 pounds, barely seeing trainer Wendy, and wanting to quit.
People mentioned
Mike EsparzaWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayRebeccaToddQuinnWendyMark Zuckerbergthe Dalai Lama
35,410 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
to tell you and yada yada yada welcome to the mikey show if you want to call us our phone number here is 570-1949 and if you prefer texting because you're shy that's fine too 949 mikey at gmail.com gmail.com uh love to hear from you this morning when is today went went Wednesday Wednesday. Jay went to the fair. We'll talk to him about that later. I want to know what the fair is all about this year. No, it's back, though, because you can see that traffic on the five. Traffic is back in full force on the five. I am Mikey. I'm the host of the program. I am 41 years old. Saw a picture of myself from last year yesterday. Broke my heart. Just broke my heart in two. Because I've put on some weight. Thank you, Jay. That's Jay.
Sensitive producer, and he plays some of those sound effects. Woodsy is our sports guy, and Woodsy is 35. He goes by Woodsy or Woods. You can pick. He is a good friend and a lover. Lauren O'Brien. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is a stand-up comic. She's our assistant producer. And... Sienna is our news girl. She is 26 years old. And a little out of sorts because her computer isn't working. And I told her, I said, why don't you get yourself a new Mac? And she said, you can't. We just bought a bed. Can't spend that type of dough. Not yet. I almost want to get Todd on the phone. Try to sell him on the idea. Sell her on the idea. Sell the both of them on the idea. But nothing can be done. They will not budge. You should get us all one. Really? Should I? Yeah, you should. It'd be a good gesture. Good bit. It'd be a good treat. Would be a good treat, you know. Make it right. You know they cost thousands of dollars. It's you. You're Mikey. Come on. Yeah, we don't have extra thousands of dollars to do that. Start saving your allowance. Come on. Jay is our producer. He's 47.
Not for long. He'll be 48 very soon. Next week. And our phone screener is Krause. It's Krause. That's Krause. Today's word of the day is... Today's word of the day is Eagle. So at some point, I will weave that into a sentence. When you hear me do that between now and 10, you'll get a pair of tickets to see the Foo Fighters. What? October 17th at Viejas Arena. Tickets go on sale June 17th. It's a Monday night. Is it? Of course it is. And it's out at Viejas. The kid's going to need his free pass on Tuesday. It's halfway between here and El Cajon. I mean El Centro. Yeah, it's a hike. Is that when you're going to use that? I'll be in. Dude, I'm using mine a couple days later. I'll be in on Tuesday. I just won't be as fresh as I normally am. It's fine with me. I'd rather take a not fresh woods than a no woods. Yeah, I'm not going to not come in. I'm just going to not be fresh. Yeah. Let's see.
So the one thing that I want you to know is that this morning at 730, we'll be doing the Incorporator. Woods, are you doing it? Are you picking someone? I'm picking today. All right. So Woods is going to pick one of us to do the Incorporator. Great. And one of us will have to call Ace Computer Repair. And what we will do is we'll have to leave the room while listeners give us random words to work into a sentence, to work into a conversation with them. Right. We're also doing the dropped food challenge at 830. This came up quite organically yesterday when we talked about all the various disgusting things that you can find germ-wise on various items around the home and the office. And Woods said he would have no problem eating a donut from the bathroom floor here in the building.
My wife, quote, last night, she said, quote, you're an idiot, was her quote. She has a bit of a point. I can see her point of view a bit in the fact that you're going to eat something off the floor that came from behind a toilet, and you said you'll do it. Oh, yeah, no problem. I won't do anything. Okay. Facebook has, Facebook's in the news. Why, Sienna? Well, there are reports that millions of users dropped out of Facebook, can't close their accounts. And this happened in May. They're saying 6 million users in the United States and 1.5 million in Canada, just in May alone, closed their accounts. Now, why do they say? Over it. They're over it. Over it. Well, if I had to take a guess at why people are closing their Facebook accounts, I believe it's because they're annoyed by various mistakes that Facebook's made along the way. Security breaches that Facebook will apologize for and say we won't do that again. It could be because people are just tired of Farmville and mafia wars. And Joe answered a question about you. Oh, my God. That's the new one. It's driving me nuts. This is one of the main reasons people are just bored with the site. See, I would love to know if Joe thinks I'm cute. I would. I mean, I'm being honest with you.
On Facebook, we've all seen the thing that comes up that says, Joe was asked the question, is Mike Esparza cute? Okay, now I want to know if he thinks I'm cute, and I want to know how cute he thinks I am. Fair enough. Because I'm a human being. But what I don't want is I don't want to install that thing onto my computer. Because who knows what that thing's about? But I'm dying to know. I'm dying to know the answer to every one of those stupid questions. Am I cute? Am I nice? Are you a sharp dresser? Yeah. Well, they're all phrased, though, like they came from a fourth grader. But I don't care because we're all grown up little kids. And so I want to know, am I cute? Who has a crush on you? Who has a crush? Of course I want to. I'm a married man. But I want to know who has a crush on me. For sure. Even if it was a gay guy, I still want to know someone's got a crush on me. You know, just out of curiosity. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to know? It's flattering. But those things are annoying, I think, to most Facebook users. Yes. Now, Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah. What is your take on this? Because you're denying it. You're saying, no, Facebook's not losing. They haven't lost anybody. No.
Actually, we cost losers is what the headline should have said. Instead of you lost users. Yeah, we cost losers. So they got it wrong. The way they phrased it was wrong. Yeah. In fact. All the losers that were on there. Instead of users. Yeah, we actually cost them money by selling them applications that ask if you have a crush on someone. We can't determine that type of information. Oh, wow. Come on. Oh, wow. How old someone's going to die. Right. What your baby might look like with another user. But I want to know that. I want to know if me and Woods had a baby, what it would look like. I want to know what me and Sienna's baby would look like. I want to know all of it. There's no simple algorithm for that. There isn't? No. These are outside applications that... Third party. They find their way into the system, and we've swept out the losers. Thank you. Well, that's Mark Zuckerberg, everybody. Guy is now giving his word on what it's all about. They did release a statement yesterday. Facebook did. And they said that we're very pleased with our growth and with the way people are engaged with Facebook. More than 50% of our active users log on to Facebook in any given day. All right. Well then, feast. I think people have absolutely bailed. I do not. I don't think so. It will continue.
I don't think anybody's bailed. Look, it's a drug. We're all addicted, okay? Yeah. We're all spun out on the whole thing. Dude, not only that. We're addicted, all of us. You know, let me tell you. I think that research is a goofy thing. And the reason I think so is because I don't think people are honest. For instance, if somebody calls your house and they say, I'm going to play you a little bit of the song, Whole Lotta Love. I've probably heard Whole Lotta Love. No exaggeration. 757 times. Okay, probably. Probably more. And I don't need to hear it again. In fact, I don't care. I'll seek it out if I want it. But people want to sound like they're cool and saying that they like that song makes them sound cool. So they'll go, yeah, I dig it. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you dig it? 10. I've been that guy before. Yeah, because you just want... Listen, I saw the Facebook story too.
And I clicked on the Facebook story and they had a little poll. And the poll was. I have it. Yeah. Read what read what the question was, like how they phrased it. OK. Are you over Facebook? And then there's four choices. Yes, I think the hype is over, but I am not going to quit. Yes, I am totally over Facebook. I'm out. No, I use Facebook every day. It's still really useful. And the last one. No, I'm a diehard Facebook fan. OK. Most of us, if we're being honest, would say, no, I use Facebook every day. It's useful. Now, by useful, we mean it's useful for looking at pictures of our friends and reading very dramatic headlines from our friends. Absolutely. Like dot, dot, dot. Sometimes it just hurts. Dot, dot, dot. And then 40 girls saying to her.
What happened? With eight question marks. Okay. Ever feel like the world's against you? Dot, dot, question mark. Sometimes I wish I didn't know things I know. You know, stuff like that. And you want to know something? We're actually all interested. You know why? Because we're human beings. We're all voyeurs. We're all, you know what I realized about Facebook? We're nosy. Dude, I will look at, you know, my heart is broken and there'll be 40 comments. I'll read everyone because I want to get to the bottom of what some guy did to this poor girl. I don't even know him. I don't know him. I barely know him. Barely. And I'm like, oh my gosh, what did he do? That son of a bitch. It could be a guy. It could be a guy. And I'm being serious and you all know it because you're all driving right now going, yeah, it's true.
It could be a guy that you've met a few times that works at the car wash that's a cool dude, and you guys talked about your Mustang one time. And so you guys talked about the Mustang, and you talked about the Mustang over the period of three years. And finally, after three years, you get this friend request from this guy out of nowhere, and you're like, oh, cool. So you click yeah. Now he's your friend on Facebook. And you might see... in your news feed that that dude his status just went to in a relationship and you're like with who yeah 100 with who with who with who and you don't know him you don't call him you don't talk to him you've never been to his house he's never been to your house you don't know his kids you don't know your kids but he's in a relationship and you want to know if they're doing it where they're doing it who she is where they met how they met was she in another relationship before that you want to know and so I took the poll and I answered honestly. And my answer was, let me see it. No, I use Facebook every day. It's still really useful. That was my answer. And again, here were the questions. Here were the options. Yes, I think the hype is over, but I'm not going to quit. Or, yes, I'm totally over Facebook. I'm out. Or, no, I use Facebook every day. It's really useful. Or, no, I'm a diehard Facebook fan. Guess what won by a landslide? By a landslide.
The first one. Yes, I think the hype is over, but I'm not going to quit. I could buy that. Nope. Really? No. Guess what won? Yes. I'm out. I'm totally over Facebook. I'm out. Are you? Are you? Liar. I would be if I didn't have this job. I'll close it right now. I'm serious. Hang on a second. I will close it right now. Hang on. Now, Sienna is telling. The truth. Now, the only reason I can tell you that Sienna is telling the truth is because Sienna is like your grandmother when it comes to technology. Yes. She don't want anything to do with it. Right. She don't want anything to do with it. I'll tell her about stuff and she's like, that's great, Mike. That's great. That's fabulous. And I got to be like.
Bring it in. Maybe she is my work wife. Bring it in, babe. I'll set it up for you. He does say that. It's true. It's true. I'll set it up for you. You'll come in all hot and bothered about some new app and you'll start telling to everyone and we're like, it's cool. Just keep reading and highlighting. All the apps on my iPad are baby stuff. Now, what will happen is three years later, you guys will go, I just found, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh. You guys, I remember years ago, years ago, I remember on the old show talking about this thing, Facebook. And everybody was like rolling their eyes like there's Mike with another one of his bits. And I'm like, no, you guys, check this out. Check out what it does. And they were like, ooh, maybe you just pick up the phone. Right? Anyway. That, and then also I remember talking about the iPod. And people are like, ooh, don't you have something called CDs? Tape player? I'm like, yeah, but you could put 900 of your CDs. Well, at the time it was like 500 of your CDs. Now it's 40,000. But that stuff interests me. Facebook.
people like it oh yeah people like it and people use it and people are gonna use it and they just answered what they thought would make and what's so stupid about it is it's completely anonymous but you want to feel like you are a part of a movement that means something which in my opinion is why barack obama is president of the united states my brother wanted to feel like it when he questioned him he didn't have any idea He didn't have any idea about Barack Obama when you questioned him. But what he did know was that he wanted to be a part of a group that elected the first black president. That was number one, although he would never admit that. And second of all, he wanted to be a part of a movement that was a part of change and hope. The whole message was very inspiring. Who doesn't? Well, yeah. That's the only vote. Of course. Sadness and despair. Exactly. Yay. And that's pretty much what the GOP was saying. Like, that's pretty much what the Republicans were saying was like, well, why don't we run on the platform of puppy dogs and rainbows? I'm in. That sounds pretty cool, too. What are you actually going to, how are you actually going to pay for that? Right. And I remember saying to my brother, we were in my swimming pool.
I was embarrassed because my breasts were above the waterline. And I remember being self-conscious. I was self-conscious of myself. My brother didn't have anything to be self-conscious about. He's a thin man. He has a breast that looked like a man's chest. You know? And I felt sort of like a woman. Yeah. Like an ugly woman. Topless woman. Topless woman. Like we were at Black's Beach. The French woman. Yeah, French woman at Black's Beach. Wear two-piece. And so we were talking about, and this was before the election had even happened. Obama wasn't even president yet. And he was predicting that Obama would become president, which, by the way, I conceded to him. I said, I think you're right. He wanted to fight on that. I said, no, you're right. I said, because it's American Idol. I believe he'll win, too. And I said, but I'll tell you what I think is dumb is this whole concept of all the things that he's saying. Mark, you realize there's not going to be any free health care in this country. He's saying it because it sounds good. And he goes, oh, yes, there will. I said, Mark, it sounds fantastic. Who wouldn't want a world? In a world where everybody gets free health care. In fact, everyone gets a free ATM in their house. Anytime you want money, you just walk up to it and take some. I said, at the end of the four years, there won't be any health care. So we made a bet. We shook on it.
And the bet was for five dollars, U.S. money. Five U.S. dollars. And I said, but before we bet, I'd like to give you more. I say at the end of two terms, there's no free health care. And he, of course, was, you know, jumping for joy. I couldn't jump for joy because my boobs would have blacked my eyes out. You gotta wear like a halter top. Yeah, sports bra on the water. Now, that got Sienna. You don't need to wear a sports bra. Well, it's because you have big jobs. Maybe I was wrong about the two-term thing because President Obama is now throwing little hints out there that he might be a one-termer. I've been thinking since the last time we've talked about how busy you've been. And I've been wondering...
In the nonstop intensity of being president of the United States. Right. Have you ever thought to yourself that maybe one term was enough? Well, I'm sure there are days where I say that one term is enough. What keeps me going is a belief that the work that we started in 2009 is not yet complete. We still don't have the kind of energy policy that we need to move this country forward. have not restructured how our education system works to make sure every kid has a chance at a successful career in the 21st century. And so I'm constantly thinking about the work that is undone, despite the fact of being very proud about what we've gotten accomplished over the last two and a half years. Now, if I'm the President of the United States, I'm saying, oh yeah, everybody's thought about it. There's no way, not only am I not going to be a one-termer, I'll be here.
for my second term, indicating that, you know, I'll be here. There's going to be an election and I'll be here. I'm your leader. I'm your president. I'm your, you know, I'm your guy. Now, we'll have to see. I wish he had a Facebook page. Obama. He does. It's a public one. I know, but I mean, I wish he had an actual one. Send him a private message. Mafia wars request. Yeah, send him a mafia wars request and see if he wanted to be in my mafia. Ever spend four years cleaning up after the guy before you? Oh. They all do. Yeah, the next guy will have to do that. They all do. They all do. They all do. Every one of them does. They all do. And I don't think any of them is better than the next. I think they all are. Schmucks. Yeah. No, they're all schmucks to a certain degree. I agree. I agree with that. Guy got bin Laden, though, real good. Yeah, he flew over there. Under his regime. Wow. Just like Bush got Saddam, pal. Hey, listen. Bush actually had a shirt on that said, I killed Saddam Hussein. Listen. So you get the credit. He got.
He got Osama. He actually put on the uniform and got on the, like he was getting out of the plane. He got him. I will never, I will never take that away from President Obama. Honestly. That's just like I won't take away from Bush. He got Saddam. Yeah. What's going on with the collective bargaining agreement in the NFL? Well, there was some, there was some good news, but you know, not time to take our pants off just yet and celebrate because. Glad you mentioned that. Okay. Because I knew, I know that you're. You know me. I know you. Should I put these back on? No, no. Well, there has been more progress than usual in some secret meetings that they've been having. They're in Maryland right now. They've met secretly in Chicago. They've met secretly in New York. I guess not really secretly if we're talking about it. Question. Yeah. Can you ask Lauren to put her pants back on? Yeah, yeah. Because she's sitting there in her pants. I told you, it's not time to take her pants off yet. So basically what they're saying is a new CBA could be in place by July 4th.
Maybe. They're making progress. They're making progress. Hey, up until this point, they both admitted we're not making any progress. It's been a stalemate. So they're saying no deadlines have been set for the opening of training camps yet. But if they do get it settled before July 4th, which not too far away, you guys, that will almost certainly provide for full training camp. So it'll be just like it never happened if they can get it done by then. But, you know, certainly we're going to keep you informed of the situation. They're making progress, and that's a good thing. I saw a piece of video, and I'm going to play you the audio, and it is so awkward. Just imagine those awkward moments. It's an Australian reporter for the Australian version of the Today Show. He interviews the Dalai Lama. Jay's heard it. He interviews the Dalai Lama, and he decides, I'm going to tell the Dalai Lama a joke. You realize, guy. That there's, like, translation and translating and blah, blah, blah. And so his joke bombs. And you just hear the absolute awkward tension as the Dalai Lama's like, eh? It's so uncomfortable, and I'll play it for you. Next, Airhorn Birthdays, too.
Mind if I sit down? Mikey. Seriously, dude? Call Mikey now. 570-1949. And? Text him at 949Mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9. Keep your vehicle running right on a budget that's tight when you shop the dollar-stretching deal sale at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Stop in today and find big savings on convenient gallon sizes of motor oil from top-name brands like Pennzoil, Mobile One, and Valvoline. Changing your motor oil is the single most important thing you can do for your car or truck, and purchasing it by the gallon makes the job quick and easy. Whether you use hard-working conventional
reliable high mileage, or even high-performance full synthetic motor oil, you'll find top brands like Valvoline, Pennzoil, and Mobile One Gallons on sale now at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. If you thought you couldn't afford to keep your vehicle at peak performance, think again. Stretch your dollar and save while supplies last. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details. A choice of drinking light beer with less taste. How? With great-tasting Miller Lite, taste points, and awesome summer discounts. So man up at tastepoints.com today. California Residence 21. Limited time promotion. Offer begins 5-1-11 and then 7-30-1-11. Full terms and conditions at tastepoints.com. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Great responsibility. What is value? Buying those tickets for the game? Where the seats are located exactly behind the column? You gotta have x-ray, man. Now think about your cell phone. You and I know that value means getting all the quality you need at the right price.
Whether you upload, download, send, receive, or just text that to say, hola, you need a network that can deliver real value. And that network is Verizon. Switch now to America's largest high-speed wireless network and get unlimited data for only $29.99 monthly access when added to a voice plan. And celebrate Father's Day with our great deals on Droid phones, like the new and powerful Droid X2. Or give a global-ready Droid Pro for $99.99 after a $50 mail-in rebate debit card. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Papa, there's only one. New two-year activation and data pack required. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details in Spanish at verizonwireless.com. If I told you my grandma used to give me mother's cookies, I'd be lying. She didn't exactly give them to me. She was far craftier than that, which is why I loved her. She had this whole method. She'd plant some circus animal cookies on her dresser, and then she'd send me on a decoy mission to go get something for my quote-unquote forgetful old grandmother. Then, to distract Mom, she'd create a diversion. To buy me some time, she'd really milk it, too, so I could pop the cookies in my mouth and quietly let the pink frosting dissolve on my tongue. It was all kind of genius, or at least I thought it was.
Until my mom became a grandma herself. A crafty grandma. That's when I realized that mom was in on it all along. Now, so am I. And my daughter thinks the whole thing is just awesome. Mother's cookies. There's a memory in every bite. on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. Buy tickets at LiveNation.com, ticket master, or call 800-745-3000. Food available now. What does Dad want for Father's Day? A new tie? Cologne? We think not. The perfect gifts for Dad are at Sports Chalet. With so much to choose from, let our gift-giving experts help you find exactly what Dad will love. No matter what Dad's into, Sports Chalet is your one-stop to shop for Father's Day. Sports Chalet.
And don't forget, everything you need to make this summer the most fun ever is in stock now at Sports Chalet. Hi, I'm Almond. I'm a fresh and easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money, we pass on to you. Oh, I love the store. Most of the prices, they're very competitive. I always know it's going to be good quality, too. His food is prepared with love. And, you know, tastes how I am, but it's an affordable price everybody can afford. I get everything prepared. Thank you, fresh and easy. Thanks, Almond. Now everyone can save with an incredible deal on a customer favorite. Our Torino 12-pack imported beer is now just $6.99 plus CRV. Okay, honey, I booked a great hotel on Expedia, and we got a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card. $50? Woo-hoo! See if the neighbors can beat that. $50 in gas, Henderson. Yeah, well, blow your lawn. You should, hon. Get a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card when you book with your MasterCard during Expedia's My Summer is Better Than Your Summer Sale. Where you book matters. Expedia. Minimum stay required and subject to availability. Book by July 4th. Travel by August 31st. Terms and restrictions apply. See site for full details.
This report is brought to you by Allstate Tornadoes, Wildfires, Ice Storms. No matter what happens, Allstate is there to protect their customers. You're in good hands with Allstate. Looks like the 125 northbound before the 52, an injury accident. Two cars on the right shoulder, 15 southbound ramp to the northbound 5. Slight delays due to a stalled car that they are clearing right now. This report also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. They've got a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate. Get family, see your dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Woods is going to eat stuff off the floor at 8.30. At the office, pal. Because he said he would. He said he didn't care, and I believe him. I just think it's an extreme act, you know, like watching extreme sports. I looked at a $20 bill one time. That's true. It's not just the floor. He's going to eat a donut out of Lauren's shoe, my belly button, the bathroom floor, and Rick's floor. Our general manager.
Our general manager's office. I'm looking forward to eating a donut out of Jay's belly button. Ew, that's disgusting. Is it weird that I am too? That's hideous. It's hideous. Let's see. Okay, so take a listen to Dude. In Australia, he's interviewing the Dalai Lama and he decides that he's going to tell the Dalai Lama a joke. Now, as you know, I did share a gag with the Dalai Lama because he was in such fine form. I decided that I would tell this gag. Now, it did prove to be not my most successful ever. Check it out. So the Dalai Lama. By the way, I want you to get a visual here. Picture the White House in one of the most finest rooms in the White House where two dignitaries are talking to one another. Photographers everywhere, translators, beautiful couch, beautiful room, that sort of thing. Walks into a pizza shop.
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, can you make me one with everything? Do you know what I mean? Can you make me one with everything? Oh, I knew that wouldn't work. He didn't know what pizza was. I don't think that was the problem. I think it just doesn't translate. You get it? He wants, you know, you're the Dalai Lama, you know, and in your culture and religion, you believe that we're one with everything. So you go into a pizza place and you order a pizza and you say, hey, can you make me one with everything?
You know? Isn't that hysterical? You're the translator, right? Is there a way for you to explain it to him so why he thinks it's hilarious? Isn't that great? That's so awkward. You have to see it. You have to see it, too, because he's really wanting the Dalai Lama to get it. The Dalai Lama's wearing those glasses. The robe. In the robe, looking at him. Just genuinely like, what are you talking about? He wanted the lamb to be like, oh, oh. Yeah.
Yeah, I get it. I get it. One with everything. It was a weird camera angle, too, because the camera was more on the reporter than it was on the Dalai Lama. It was weird. It's funny. You got to see it. We'll put it up. So you ready to do some air horn birthdays? Yes. This is where we will call someone in our audience and wake them up with an air horn. If it doesn't work, I'll lose my mind. I know. Hi, Sarah. You're up early. Look at you. How old are you today, Sarah? 25? Yeah. It's a good age to be. It is a good age to be. You got a job? You're a realtor? Wow, look at that. 25, already a realtor? You married? You got kids? No, not yet. Look at you. 25, married, got a real estate job. Just out taking care of business. Just rocking and rolling. Just conquering the world. Just conquering the world. Well, good for you. I appreciate that. Good for you, Sarah.
Hey, do we give him anything? No, we just say happy birthday. Hey, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Send us some pictures. Thank you. Oh, weird, weird. Thank you, Sarah. Oh, my gosh. He's so strange as a man. Send us some pictures. Let's try Josh. Hear, hear. He's a pretty good looking guy. Sorry, what? What did that say? Call again. I need to know. I gotta try again. Maybe I dialed wrong. I have fat fingers. You silly sausage. Speak to Josh, please. This is Josh. Hey, buddy. Hey, what's going on? Can we wake you up? How old, Josh? 22. Look at you. You got the world by the rocks, too. That's you for my life, pal. So...
Josh, how about you? You work? Yep. You live at home or you live on your own? I live at home. And you got a girlfriend? No, but hopefully tonight that'll change. All right. Yeah, that a kid, that a kid. There you go. Are you coming over? No. Wow. That's very forward, Lauren. I meant to the place that the girls go. The girls go. They're going to be made into girlfriends. That's what I meant. All right. Well, Josh, good luck to you in your search for a woman tonight. And, you know, best of luck. Be aloof. Be aloof. Yes. And use a loofah. Yes. Use a loofah and be aloof. Yeah. Get some. What are you going to do, Josh? Yeah, probably go down to the waterfront bar. Yes. Wow. That's like my favorite bar. You a stockholder there? It's the oldest bar in San Diego. Josh, I have a legitimate question. All right. If you live at home.
And you plan to go out and party. Okay. Do your parents, do your parents have rules about you going out and partying? Not really. So they're not like, hey, listen, you need to be home at this time. You better call a cab if you're going to. They don't do any of that business with you? No. Just as long as I have a designated driver on set. There you go. That a boy. That's good. You better have a designated driver. You better have a DD, bro. DD. All right. Well, thank you, Josh, and happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy. You guys are awesome. Thank you. It's M1 Josh. And M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call in to the Mikey Show, you turn your radio down, you get to the point, you don't cuss. By the way, I want to welcome Cokehead. Diet Cokehead. Whoa. Diet Cokehead. She loves Diet Coke. And Diet Cokehead.
Was listening to us yesterday. And don't know if she's listening again today. But if she is, want to give a shout out to Diet Cokehead. Old time listener. Love her. And love winning over the long time listeners. And so it's a good thing. Apparently the eagle has landed. Alright, here's what I got for you. What? Nothing. I sound like you were laughing. I wasn't. Oh, wow. Sorry. Have I ever told you guys that we have a house cleaner that's terrified of people? Ever told you that? Uh-uh. Yeah. Now, what I mean by that is that... Oh, yes. You have. Jumpy. Well, no, no, no. Oh. No, this is more than that. I'm not kidding. Some people may be listening right now thinking, ah, you're exaggerating. I'm not exaggerating. I mean...
That when I come home and she's cleaning and I say, hello, she does this. Now, the first time she did it, I almost soiled myself. Scared me. You scared me. Yeah. And I said to my wife, hey, I scared our house cleaner today because she was new. You know, she was nude. Whoa. She was a new house cleaner. And Rebecca said, oh, no, no, that's her thing. It's her thing. I said, what do you mean that's her thing? She said, oh, every time I see her, she gets terrified. Now, I instantly thought to myself, well, now, has she been harmed or something like that? But then I thought, well, what a strange line of work to choose.
If in fact that was... Let's say that I'm the type of person that is jumpy. I'm not going to work at a fireworks factory. That's probably the wrong line of work for me. A place that makes dynamite. A cop. You're not going to be a cop if you're jumpy. You know what I mean? Horn factory. Yeah. And so now my thing is I'll come home now and I'm like... Stepping really hard. I am home! I'm here! Here I am! Marco! Now, let me tell you when it's at its zenith. It's at its absolute worst when she's vacuuming. Let me tell you something. When she's vacuuming, I am shocked I haven't killed her.
And I'm not kidding. When she gets scared, I go. I jump. I make a noise. And finally, last week, I made her laugh. She'd never laughed, never smiled, never laughed. And she had just polished our floor and I came downstairs in my socks and I tripped. Is that all you had on? Yes, Jay. It is all. I had on. Because that would make me laugh. M1. Katie from Encinitas. Yes. What was the word of the day? That's correct. Look at you. You're going to go to the Foo Fighters. Yes. You're going to go see the Foo Fighters October 17th at Viejas Arena. All right. Hang on the line. We'll get your information. She's so jumpy. That's brilliant. You ever have to run an errand that isn't where your house is so you miss an exit that you're supposed to get off on? Yep. Did it yesterday. Missed the exit. Got almost all the way home and went, oh, stop. Oh, come on. Had to turn around and go all the way back and backtrack. Is it the worst? I missed my exit for home the other day. You did? Just dilly-dallying around, just thinking.
And went, oh, there it goes. And I was like, gosh. It's the worst feeling. I had to circle all the way back, losing my mind. The moment it happens is the worst moment. I was in the fast lane, and I saw it, like, as I passed it, I was like, I could have had it, maybe. You could have killed eight people, but you could have had it. You ever do that when you have to pee? Oh, yeah. Oh, nothing could be worse. Well, yeah, something could be worse. That's worse. Well, there's nothing worse than when you've got to do that. No. Because it's like when you're holding your breath and you know, well, in just a couple of minutes, I can breathe. In just a couple seconds, I can breathe. Same thing when you've got to do that and you're very close to home. What you have is a peeker. Okay? Are you talking about when you want to make love to your wife and you've made up your mind? Nope. No, I'm not. I'm getting all emotional. My brother used to call it touching cloth. Pushing cotton. Pushing cotton. It's a good one. It's so weird how the human body reacts and works because the closer you get, the more your body begins to relax. It's weird how it works. Many a time I've jumped out of the car and almost had to kick the door down to get inside. This is what I don't understand about Sienna's recap.
She said that yesterday, they have a wiener dog named Zipper, okay? And yesterday's Zipper peed all over their guest bed when her husband Todd tried to take her out. Yeah. Now, Sienna's recently had a baby, little Sage. How old is Sage now? Nine months. All right, so Sienna called a professional carpet cleaner. She had to get on the phone and call a professional carpet cleaner. Who luckily had time to come by and clean the mattress. And she didn't think Todd would ever let the family have a dog again. Zipper's jealous as Sage. I don't blame Todd. Now, for me, this is quite simple. Now, I've cut myself off from real deep emotional attachments from animals. Because when I was a kid, I lost a dog. And so, I don't even let my heart go there anymore. I'm almost callous.
Minus the almost. All right. And so in my mind, I go, why don't you get rid of Zipper? Oh, my God. Okay, now hang on a minute. You are a monster. Wait a second. No, there's no waiting. Hang on. I can't even look at you. Hang on. Let me make a humane argument of why it would be, now Woods has stood up from his chair. And he has walked away. He is looking at the ceiling, shaking his head with his eyes closed. Butthole. All right. You call me a butthole. I'm just saying. My husband almost agrees with you now. Now, wait. Now, here's my logic. I'm going to be the defense for Zipper. Okay. My client is used to a particular lifestyle. Okay? And that lifestyle is one of constant attention. Yeah. Now. It was not my client's idea for you and your husband to add an addition to the family. That was not my client's idea. That was your idea. You are, in fact, responsible for that. So my client holds no responsibility in that regard. Now, my client could sue you, but we're not going to. Zipper? Yeah. My client, Zipper, had instructed me to sue you for everything you're worth. But I said to Zipper, listen.
I think we should take a settlement. And the settlement is just make good, provide the same environment for Zipper that she is accustomed to. Happy birthday. To Zipper? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely happy birthday. Yeah. So, listen, like I said, I suggested 2.4 mil. Oh, my God. I know what grandma's got in the bank, all right? And I told Zipper, let's do this. And Zipper said no. All I want is my old life back. That's right. Have I done any work here? No. You still think I'm a monster. What if Jake said that about his two baby brothers? I would say to Jake, okay, if Zipper dies, you're not going to have services at a church where all of us are invited and we all wear black. So if we're going to put animals into the same category as human beings, How come you don't have doggies right now with Wills? Your average dog, okay? Your average dog. They don't have possessions. They don't have possessions. Yeah, they do. What do they have? They have their beds. They have their bowls. They have all these different toys. We pass them on. Yeah, you pass them on. Okay.
I'm just saying, see, my... Now you're being ridiculous. You're being ridiculous. You're being ridiculous. They're not in the same category as a human, but they're still a family member. Yes. I understand. They are not in the same category as a human. We shouldn't put them there anymore. In my opinion, there should be a memo sent out to the United States of America, if not world. You know, some people aren't blessed enough to be able to have children. Yeah, so they adopt, and that's what you're going to do. Well, they try to. In the meantime, they have their dogs who are like their family. Hallelujah, brother. You know, if somebody, like, let's say one of the people gets sick. Like, they get, like, a disease. They have, like, cancer. And they have to do, like, chemotherapy and radiation. Yeah. And then let's say that they have a dog that's like a kid. You know, sometimes radiation can cost a family up to $100,000. And they go into debt for the rest of their lives. Okay.
So my question to you is if Shooter needed to have chemotherapy. Done. I have to. Okay. And it's going to cost $100,000, meaning you're going to be in debt. Oh, I was talking about the owner. No, no, no. I'm asking you because I want to go directly to the source. But I was talking about the owner. My friend Woods cares more about animals, and I mean this, than anybody else I know. Dogs, specifically. So dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs. He's a dog lover like nobody's business. And deer. But when it comes down to it. When it comes down to it, we're talking about a dog and even Woods knows it. Well, if it's going to cost me six figures, which I don't have, I don't have a choice. What about if it was Jamie? Would you go into debt? Yeah, of course. Okay, wait a minute, though. My wife. Clown. But we've established that they're a family member. They are a family member. I probably would go into debt. I probably would go into debt for my dogs, depending on which dog. It's not going to cost me anything to keep Zipper. It's nothing out of my reach. If Zipper had to go through $100,000 worth of radiation, I couldn't do that. So you just let the dog live its life as long as it can. She just needs some training. She's trying to show you that she's the alpha. She's like that with Todd, and that's what I keep trying to explain to him. This is your and Zipper's issue. You have to explain to the dog that it is not the dog's right to do this, okay? My suggestion is you come to my junkyard where I have 450,000 dogs, and they spend time with him or her or whatever. That's what I'm saying.
And then they show seeper what it is to leave with others. You silly sausage. I don't know about you. I can't get enough of brand new 911 calls of people calling 911 over a bad food order. And this woman got... What? Was upset at a Chinese food restaurant about what they did at a Chinese food and called 911. And I'll play it. All the way. Yes. Part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 94 at gmail.com. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Whoever said nothing in life is free obviously hasn't heard about the great offer from Cricket Wireless. Get a free Android-powered smartphone with no contract when you switch to Cricket and turn in a competitor's phone.
With a brilliant touchscreen display, innovative camera camcorder, and cool Android apps, the Ascend is a truly smart smartphone absolutely free. Plus, it's yours now with our great smartphone rate of just $55 a month, including unlimited nationwide talk, text, web, and data. That means no overages, no hidden fees, and no contract. Because Cricket earns your loyalty instead of demanding it on the dotted line. So take advantage of this limited-time offer at MyCricket.com or visit a store today. So smart. So, Cricket. Requires new activation. Trading phone must be in working order and be assigned to the ported number. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. If you're with T-Mobile, you may be getting traded. Turn the tables. Make a switch of your own to Cricket and regain control of your wireless service with great rates, powerful smartphones, all with no contract. Every day at the UPS store, we help small businesses by offering everything from professional printing to binding, laminating, and mailbox services. We call it logistics. But right now, during our instant win game, Small Biz Perks and Paydays, we're giving small businesses logistics and the chance for a lot more. So when I win free color printing? That's logistics. If I win free mailbox services? That's logistics. What about discounts on professional printing, binding and laminating, and discounts on shipping? Let's see, that's logistics, logistics, and, oh, logistics. Okay, then what if I win $25,000? That's cash money. Gotcha. But it's courtesy of logistics.
I love logistics. Small biz perks and paydays is only around for a limited time. So hurry to the UPS store today and see how logistics and $25,000 can help your small business. To learn more, visit Facebook.com slash the UPS store today. No purchase necessary. Open to legal U.S. residents 18 or older. Voidware prohibited. Visit the UPSstore.com slash logistics for complete details and official rules. Hey everybody, this is LOB and I have a Father's Day gift idea for you. It's right around the corner on June 19th. The Ovation Cell Therapy team of hair consultants is going to be out at the San Diego County Fair this year with this gigantic booth that they're going to set up in the Bing Crosby Hall. They're going to have a ton of Ovation hair care products, including the new Men's Max Pack, which is just in time for this Father's Day. It's a great gift idea for any dad in your life. Ovation works on all hair types, helping you grow thicker, longer, stronger, and healthier hair, guaranteed. So surprise your dad this Father's Day with a gift he's going to actually use, unlike the gift you gave him last year. Give him the new Men's Max Pack from Ovation and receive a special Ovation Fair discount. Give dad the new Ovation Men's Max Pack for Father's Day and with the special Ovation Fair savings, you can get yourself.
The Ovation Cell Therapy System 2. Look at that, a little treat. So go out there to the San Diego County Fair, get yourself some deep fried food, and look for the Ovation booth at the Bing Crosby Hall. Every 6.4 minutes, a Lexus certified pre-owned car is sold. That's about how long it takes you to toss back your espresso macchiato. Why so fast? Because right now at our 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event, we're offering 1.9% APR financing on every certified pre-owned Lexus. All meticulously inspected, factory-backed, with a three-year, 100,000-mile warranty. So you know that special Lexus you've had your eye on? Well, better hurry. By the time you finish those 20 whole-grain macrobiotic rice cakes, it could be gone. The Lexus 60 to Zero Certified Pre-Owned Sales Event. Now through August 1st. At your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. Sales claim based on total annual sales figures, 48 monthly payments of $21.65 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXIS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required if qualified. Warranty is three years from your date of purchase or 100,000 total vehicle miles. See your certified pre-owned Lexus dealer for warranty. Details offer ends August 1st, 2011. And now, Walmart's countdown to summer. Low price tips to get you ready for outdoor fun. This week's project, The Perfect Pool. Walmart's got two words for you. Pool party!
But before you have folks over for a dip, make sure your pool is crystal clear. Walmart has low prices on all the HTH pool care products you need for balancing, chlorinating, shocking, and preventing algae in your pool. HTH products are in outdoor living at Walmart. So they have one more word for you. Cannonball. Thanks to Walmart's low prices every day on everything. Save money. Live better. Walmart. See the summer in Las Vegas. Catch the return of Salim Dion. Or dive into pool parties at Ditch Fridays at Palms. or Marquee Day Club at the Cosmopolitan. Enjoy concerts on the beach at Mandalay Bay. And when you work up an appetite, enjoy outdoor dining on the patio at Mon Amiga, be it Paris. Get to Las Vegas and live the joy of summer before it's too late. Life is short. Summer is shorter. Start planning your getaway today at visitlasvegas.com. Go epic on three new coasters at Six Flags. Go 100 miles an hour backwards on Superman Escape from Krypton. Gather on the all-new Roadrunner Express Coaster. Go head over heels on the new Vertical Spin Coaster, opening July 1st. Save $25 on admission with any can of Coke or at SixFlags.com. Go Six Flags Magic Mountain. America's pastime. Summer's here and it feels pretty nice. Baseball and hot dogs and refreshment on ice.
Some games are early, some are at night, but there's always a beer man with ice-cold Coors Light. So even if your team doesn't hit any dingers, you'll have Frost Brewed Refreshment at the tips of your fingers. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota dealerships have a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate family. See your dealer for details. Santee on the 125 northbound before the 52, an injury accident. You're backed up to Navajo Road. Some backup here on the 80 eastbound, congestion from Mission Center Auto Circle to the 805. And the 905 eastbound, that drives slow from the 5 to Picador Boulevard. This report brought to you by Carfax, shopping for a used car. Get a free Carfax Vehicle History Report from reputable dealers nationwide. Say, show me the Carfax. Or you could go to Carfax.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
KBCT San Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I feel like the guy wearing dad jeans eating ice cream and not caring. I have to yell because my voice is little. Woods. Listen, I am a clown. I'm not going to deny the fact that I am a giant clown and I like to make people laugh. Zienna. I don't get engineering. And Jay. I did an hour of hot yoga yesterday and then went across the street and had an acai bowl. On FM 94.9. In just a second, we're going to be playing the woman that called 911 over her Chinese food order. It's a new one. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, Hugh Hefner was supposed to be getting married this Saturday, but his fiance, Crystal Harris, who is from San Diego, she's 25 years old, called off the wedding. Really? Yes, the week of. He got on Twitter and said the wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart. Oh, wow. I tweeted him back. You did? I tweeted him back. Oh, God. Oh, words.
I did. I said, don't worry about it, Hef. You'll be back on the horse in no time, pal. He's 85. She's 25. I'd say he dodged a bullet on that one. I wonder if Hugh Hefner looked down at his Blackberry and read from Mikey Show Woods and went, just sort of nodded like, all right, buddy. Thanks, pal. Thank you, pal. Giant font on his Blackberry. Fuck. Fuck. There were rumors as to why people said that she's been dating Dr. Phil's son, Jordan McGraw. Well, her manager has said that this is just a rumor. Not true at all. Also, Google is adding search by voice and pictures. Pretty soon, there's going to be a little mic icon on Google's homepage. You can say a phrase or a question just right into the computer. It will look it up. Same with a picture. You can use a web browser and just drag an image from a file from your desktop into the search box, and it will tell you where the picture was shot.
The location. It's crazy. I have the microphone already on the Google app on the phone. It doesn't do anything for me. It's great. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to us today by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some! Padres lose last night to the Rockies 6-3. They've lost 4 out of 5. They struck out 14 times last night. Oh, man. Their offense is just anemic at times. It's terrible. Absolutely anemic. So, yeah, they lose in Colorado 6-3. They're in last place. And the ex-Ohio State Buckeye quarterback Terrell Pryor has finally ended his silence, and this is what he had to say yesterday. Cut one. In terms of Coach Jim Trestle, a special shout-out. I'm sorry for what all went down, and I apologize with all my heart. I love you just like a father. You taught me a lot. I apologize for putting you in a situation and taking you out of a job and a place that you love to be. And I regret the fact that you're not there anymore, and I regret the fact that I'm not there anymore. I think he means that. I think he means it, and I think it's... Why do I feel that Woods... Oh, no. Oh, that smirk. That smirk says to me... What? I don't know what you're talking about. Yes, you do.
The man is apologizing. I think he means it. I think he feels guilty of what he's done to Trussell. Totally. Oh. Oh, Woodsy. Why won't you give him the benefit of the doubt? I will. Do you think that he was told to do that? Yes, by his new agent, Drew Rosenhaus. Because I will later play you audio of Drew Rosenhaus talking about how great Terrell Pryor is. And the guy brought down a university. Just because he said that Terrell Pryor is great doesn't mean that... Terrell Pryor doesn't mean it when he says, hey, coach, I'm sorry. I know. I cost you your job. Yeah. If he went to Notre Dame, would you? I'd be furious, man, if he brought down my program. Would you believe him? No. Hell no. I'm not blind. Wow. Corporator coming up at 730. Woods, he will pick who's doing the Incorporator today. And then at 830, Woods is going to do the drop food challenge. He's going to eat food from L.O.B. Shoe. Ow. Donut. Jay's belly button. Our bathroom floor. Videotape it. We're going to put it on the web and you're going to hear it live on the radio. As it happens, you'll get to hear the call. Okay, so this woman was upset. She was in Savannah, Georgia. She went to a Chinese food restaurant and her order was wrong.
Yeah, I need to pull this at 11710B, Larbo Drive. This is Hong Kong restaurant, Chinese restaurant to go. I order food. And they're going to give me the wrong food. I bring this up right. They're going to tell me, no, they ain't going to give me money. They're going to have to give me my money. Uh-uh. I need somebody. I can't do that. Yeah, 11710B? B, D as in dog? D as in dog. It's 11710 then? Yeah, 11710. And what's the name of the restaurant? What is it really, ma'am? All right, this is no time for joking around. What's really the name of the restaurant? Okay, and what is your name, please? All right, I just wanted to talk to you, okay? You're going to make me get up angry. I'll get someone over there to you, okay? All right, thank you. All right, bye-bye. She's still going. She's still going. She's really, really upset. That doesn't give her the right to just say that the place of the restaurant is called Hong Kong. This text made me laugh after I'd read it. It made me laugh hours after I'd read it.
Got the text yesterday, said we're talking about that on the radio. M1 Gabe. And if you're listening, Gabe, call in. M1 Gabe says, just got back from a business trip, and you'll never guess the rental they put me in. A convertible PT cruiser. I'm a dude. It's M1 Gabe. I'm a dude. Oh, Gabe. Can you... Gay. Oh, Mike. It's not his choice. How hysterical. That's a scene in a movie. Absolutely. The guy rolls up and his company has reserved for him a PT Cruiser. They only come in a couple of color options, by the way. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Depending on if it's Hertz or if it's, what's the other one? There's a few. Alamo. Alamo.
Budget. Dollar. It depends on, you know, because only a few of them will carry that line. Right. When they're rentals, they only come in certain colors. I've seen the PT Cruiser at the rental places. They come in white. And I believe they come in light blue. I could be wrong. They could come in another color I'm not thinking of. Maybe maroon. I keep thinking purple. I keep thinking midlife crisis. There's a maroon. I have been there. And I've got one in Vegas. PT Cruiser. With my wife, Jamie. And I was mortified. And I didn't want to drive. And I was embarrassed. And I wanted to die. And we laughed for two days straight. Listen, a person chooses their car based on their personality. Their likes, their dislikes. They choose a car based on their preferences. It would not be Woods' preference to have...
to drive the PT Cruiser. The light, what color? It was one of the maroon ones. It was like maroon. It looked like that color, that maroon, deep red. Are you pointing at Mikey's man panties? Yes, I'm pointing at Mikey's maroon man panties. I threw them away. Shouldn't have bought them in the first place. Shouldn't throw them in the company trash can or we're going to find them. The only reason... That they were thrown in the company trash can. Skid marks. You want to go there too? Oh, wow. You're just going to make it worse? Skid marks. Was because I had taken a pair of pants out of the laundry. And the underwear were in the pants. Clean laundry? No. That is to say, I took the pants out of the hamper. And the pants had a pair of underwear. in them in the leg a maroon pair of boxer briefs worn yes yes and i didn't feel them so when you take your pants off no also take your underwear off at the same time before you throw it in the hamper because obviously it was stuck in the leg i do that sometimes sometimes are you guys insane depends on what no is it normal
To take off your pants, then take off your... Yes. What if you're getting nude? You just quiff. Quiff. Take them off. I still am one at a time. Put these away, then I put these away. You don't put anything away. You don't put... Yeah, that's right. On top of the hamper, I mean. So the... I didn't feel the underwear. And I was standing at the urinal. And as I buttoned my pants, my pants shook. And the maroon underwear fell to the floor. at my ankle. And I picked them up and I didn't, because I'm a larger guy, there was a lot of fabric and I didn't want to put it in my pocket because it would look like there was a pair of underwear in my pocket or something. And I didn't know what to do. And I was at work and so I had to make a quick decision and I decided that I would throw them into the trash. You called an audible. And when I put them in the trash, I covered it with paper towels to dry your hands. The old paper towel cover-up. It's the old paper towel audible is what it is. Yeah. It's a good decision, Mike. It's all right. It's okay. You know, I'm not proud of that. I'm not in any way, you know. In fact, I'm ashamed of it. But it happened, okay? Clean guy. I thought he found a car cover. Holy crap.
A cover for your PT cruiser. Yeah, there you go. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. It's killing me. It's killing me. It's killing me. Ah! Oh, my God. Well, that hurt a little bit, didn't it? Oh, wow. That was an arrow with a poison tip. Yeah, it sure was. It's like being out in the jungle. It was like being in Vietnam when they used to rub the feces on the end of the bamboo, right? And bury it. And then just, that's it. It's all over. It's all over. It says a lot about you, though. Now, I apologize to any guys driving around in a PT Cruiser right now. Now, most of you probably work for someplace. Company car? It's a company car. Now, there may be some of you guys that are driving that thing, and you go, no, I chose it. I like it. It's my preference. Listen, I like the Mini Cooper. I do. I think they're kind of cool. BMW makes Mini Coopers. I think they're pretty cool. They're all right. I like them. I do, too.
I don't have the guts to get one because I feel like I'd be going, hey guys, would you like to come take a look at my new car? You'd like tattoo and that thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Look at what I just got. They like my new car? Like a clown car. Great tattoo. It's a little big for me. I have to put a lot of yellow pages on the driver's seat. Yeah. And then I had to have Jay make a special pair of platform shoes so my feet would reach the pedal. But I can take you for a ride if you want. It's a one-seater. You get that joke? Is he referring to you? Yeah. It's a one-seater. You can't fit two, Mike.
Because you're so fat. You and Wood's riding that thing together. It looks like a sausage about to explode. Looks like a ham shoved into pantyhose. You silly sausage. There'd be flab just coming out the windows, driving down the highway. Driving down the five, all you hear is just... Just fat hitting the side of the car. Trying to stick four things of Play-Doh in one Play-Doh box. Imagine if you tried to put... The contents of four silly putty eggs and one silly putty egg. Oh, man. Imagine that, Sienna. Be overflowing. Overflowing? Be like Mike's jeans. Imagine if you tried to put some pizza dough into a shot glass. Imagine that. And I'm talking fully risen pizza dough. Imagine trying to put Mario Batali in Kate Moss's dress. Imagine that, what that would be like.
Ain't gonna fit. That little old dress ain't gonna hold on. Let's see. What's the most expensive mistake you've ever made? Woods has got a great one. You were in Phoenix, right? Scottsdale. What'd you do? I flooded an entire Hampton Inn. An entire Hampton Inn. An entire one. Now this is what I will say about my friend Woods. He's the funniest scene in any movie. His real life is the funniest scene in any movie. But I will also say this about Woodsy. Almost, almost all things that Woodsy does, I go, I don't know why I would have done that. I'm not sure I would have done that. He wanted to dry a suit.
Steam it. Steam it. It was wrinkle. Wrinkle, had a long day of meetings. You know, a good way to do that is to turn the hot water on in the shower, correct? Absolutely. And so that's what you did. Absolutely. And you had it going and all that steam was rising. Now all you need is a place to hang the suit. Right. Now, if it were me, I'd point that shower head directly down or as far down as I could. And then at the opposite side of the bathtub, I'd put that suit. On the shower hanger. Genius. On the shower. Genius. The curtain rod. Curtain rod. Curtain rod. Yes, genius. That's a good idea, right? Yes, maybe the towel holder. Yeah. Maybe on that. But, Woodsy, what did you do? I put it on the sprinkler head. And what happened? Like, what happened? What went wrong? I was talking to my friend, Bark Malman, and it was one of those hangers where the... Well, it wasn't a hanger.
Was it? Yeah, it was a hanger. Oh, the hanger that the suit was on. The hanger that the suit was on had the, what do you call that thing at the top? The foot, the paw. The hook. The thing that, the hook. The hook. The hook was one of those that turned. So I put it up there, was talking to Bark Malman on the phone, telling him about my plans for the evening. And I went to grab the suit off. The suit came, the hook. Off the sprinkler. Yeah, the hook turned and broke that little thin glass shaft. And the glass shaft is there to recognize, like, carbon dioxide. Heat also. Yeah, and if it's broken, water comes out. Well, water came out. Now, this water had been sitting there in these pipes for quite a few years. So there had been a lot of sediment that had been collected. And so it immediately started to spray. All over woods. Like you wouldn't believe. The force of that. You wouldn't believe it. And I was screaming. Screaming at the top of my lawn. Of course. Oh no. This is not good. And down over woods for charcoal. Just black. Black water. How much was the damage? I think it was...
The first bill we got was for, I think it was $40,000. $40,000? Yeah. That's a lot of money. I called my dad and said, well, we just bought a hotel in Scottsdale. Basically, what had happened was, I think, I got lucky. The next time, I didn't pay it, obviously. The next time I went, they had... Couldn't pay it. No, hell no. They put up a new hotel called the Hotel Indigo. Yeah, that's probably why. Yeah. So I flooded an entire Hampton Inn. If anybody has any real expensive mistakes they've made, 570-1949. I do have some texts this morning that Jay has delivered to me. About the expensive things? No, this actually is talking about something different. This text says, Mikey, I hold Jay personally responsible for making it look like I shave with a piece of glass every morning because I should probably turn down the radio when I shave from now on, but I can't. Keep up the good work, Jay. You are the drop master. M1, Mr. Joshua. Thanks, Mr. Joshua. Again, these are texts that Jay's handpicked for me to read on the air. This next one says, Mikey, thank you for bringing so much Jay into my life. Oh, my gosh. He is a constant source of joy and inspiration. He might be the single...
greatest person on the radio today. Wow. Would you consider switching positions with Jay so I can hear more of him? I.E. pull an Eddie and Costa switcheroo. That's M1 Adam. Well, that's an interesting text, Adam. Seems like a good idea. Well, Jay, it's an unusual idea, isn't it? It's just fun, really, I think. It's fun. Mixing it up, you know. Jay even left the Eddie and Costa part in there for me. Of course. To make it more awkward, you know. But Jay likes to do that. And the audience loves when Jay does that. If he can get you to leave your body. Then he's done his job. He's done his job. That's the deal. This says Eddie and Costa. I think I'll leave it. Yeah, I'm just going to leave this one in there. It don't matter. Hey, let's see what Tebby does.
Because I know him. He's like damn Ron Burgundy. He'll read it. He'll read it. He'll read whatever I put in front of him. That's right. This next text says, while I enjoy Mikey's testimony. Oh, God. It's going to go there. Oh, wow. And the message it brings. I feel San Diego could really use a weekly testimony from Jay. Stop. Holy S. On how to be, and this next two words are all in caps. The man. That's M1 nuts. It's good. Solid. You want to give it a shot, Jay? Sure. You know, I like to take this time. Don't worry, I'll do it. Listen, y'all. I was a child, nothing happened to me. Except good genetics. Alright? Now.
Right around the time of high school, I couldn't keep the girls off me. I was voted most likely to make love. Oh, my God. Come on, dude. Then I left high school where I went on to blonde after blonde after blonde. Then I went through a brunette stage. And then I lost control, y'all. What I mean by that is I couldn't keep them off me. Of 25, womankind was completely addicted to me. And one night, laying in bed, every woman said, I could just have some J. That's when I met Kim. She took one look at me, fell to her knees to me to marry her. And I'll tell y'all, I ain't afraid to admit it.
I ain't afraid to admit it one bit. I'm glad she did. If she hadn't. Wouldn't be no Maddie. Wouldn't be no Liberty. Wouldn't be no Jasper. Wouldn't be no Finn. I was getting to hear. You don't listen. Y'all shut up. Y'all shut up. I'm giving my man testimony. Y'all don't talk during mics. Y'all let Mr. Christian give his bit. I'm trying to help you. This is my time. It's Jay time. Quit interrupting. Forget it, man. Now y'all ruined it. You reading my diary? He gives me those texts every day. Yesterday, President Obama talked about Anthony Weiner. We got that for you. We'll also be doing The Incorporator next, and Woods will tell us who is doing The Incorporator.
It's all coming up next. And the most exciting to happen. I love this guy. Since the Duke sex scandal. More from The Mikey Show coming up. In a respectful and sober manner. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, go, go. This is The Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. Whoever said nothing in life is free obviously hasn't heard about the great offer from Cricket Wireless. Get a free Android-powered smartphone with no contract when you switch to Cricket and turn in a competitor's phone. With a brilliant touchscreen display, innovative camera camcorder, and cool Android apps, the Ascend is a truly smart smartphone absolutely free.
Plus, it's yours now with our great smartphone rate of just $55 a month, including unlimited nationwide talk, text, web, and data. That means no overages, no hidden fees, and no contract. Because Cricket earns your loyalty instead of demanding it on the dotted line. So take advantage of this limited-time offer at MyCricket.com or visit a store today. So smart, so Cricket. Requires new activation. Trading phone must be in working order and be assigned to the ported number. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. If you're with T-Mobile, you may be getting traded. Turn the tables. Make a switch of your own to Cricket and regain control of your wireless service with great rates, powerful smartphones, all with no contract. Father's Day is June 19th. If you're having a hard time deciding what to get, stop by your local O'Reilly, Cragen Auto Parts store where you'll find gift cards and hundreds of great Father's Day gifts from tools to air compressors. Battery chargers, jacks and jack stands, screwdriver and wrench sets, flashlights, generators, and more. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts has exactly what he wants, exactly what he needs, in stock and at guaranteed low prices. It's his special day. Don't settle for ties and socks again. Get him something he'll use. Visit your local O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts store, speak to our professional parts people, and make this Father's Day one he'll remember every time he gets into his car or truck.
O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts, the official auto parts store of NASCAR. Better parts, better prices, every day. What do you consider a great value? Is it merely a bargain price? Is it getting something you don't really want simply because it's on sale? At Lexus, we think true value shouldn't be about getting less for less, but about getting more for less. At the Lexus 60 to Zero Certified Pre-Owned Sales Event, we are offering 1.9% APR financing on every vehicle. But it's not merely the price that makes it. them a value it's the vehicles themselves meticulously inspected factory backed with a three-year 100,000 mile warranty the lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event now through august 1st you won't just get a great value you'll get a great lexus see your lexus dealer
Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. 48 monthly payments of $21.65 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required if qualified. Warranty is three years from your day to purchase or 100,000 total vehicle miles. See your certified pre-owned Lexus dealer for warranty. Details offer ends August 1st, 2011. If you haven't tried Ovation Cell Therapy yet, what is your deal? The Ovation Nation is growing by thousands of new clients. Well, what impressed me were the results in such a short time frame. I was thinning on the top and now have noticeably thicker hair. I'm hooked. Thanks, Ovation. Ovation is the best product I've ever used, and I'll continue to encourage anyone with troubled hair to give Ovation a try. For a limited time, you can get the complete Ovation Cell Therapy System at the San Diego County Fair and receive a special Ovation Fair discount while you're there. Ovation can help stop dry, brittle, damaged hair and help your hair grow thicker, longer, stronger, and faster. Guaranteed. Look for the Ovation team of hair care consultants at the Ovation booth in the Bing Crosby Hall at the San Diego County Fair. And don't forget your special Ovation Fair discount. What are you waiting for? Join the Ovation Nation. Hundreds of thousands of Ovation users can't be wrong. Ovation really works.
I am Darla. I'm a Fresh and Easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money we pass on to you. I've always told people about Fresh and Easy. I tell them all the fresh stuff I get. I'll come in here and I'll see something else. Mmm, that looks interesting. Let me try it. As my husband said, I'm the guinea pig. I've never had a Fresh and Easy product that I didn't like. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Darla. Now everyone can save on Fresh and Easy cooked sausages. Just heat and serve. Enjoy at the great price of two 12-ounce packages for only $6. Welcome to REI. Can I help you? Hi, I'm going camping with my dad and we need... A Big Agnes King Creek tent. Yeah, and maybe a... GCI Wilderness Recliner? Totally. There's also a lake, so... REI San Juan Water Shorts. Here comes my dad. Quick, what's he getting me for my birthday? We know what you need because we know what you love. REI has the gear you want and the advice you need. To find great hikes and bike rides in your area or get a free kids adventure journal, visit your local REI store or REI.com. REI. Find out. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? No kidding. Well, hmm.
But in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy! Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon, built so you can rule the air. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. Hear the Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewed.
This report is brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota dealerships have a 2495 lube oil and filter replacement for United States Armed Forces members and vets, including your immediate family. See your dealer for details. Well, things have cleared up in Santee, the 125 northbound before the 52. That accident's now over on the left shoulder. Some delays here on the 15 northbound from Oceanview Boulevard to the 94. And as you head on the 5 southbound, you'll see some slowing from B Street to Imperial Avenue. This report also brought to you by Chevy. Head to the Count on Chevy event for one of nine models over an EPA-estimated 30-mile-per-gallon highway. Saving on gas? It's that simple. Just take a trip to your Chevy dealer. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bert, Bert Surfshed, with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Wednesday morning brought to you by Frostbrew Coors Light, San Diego's number one beer. Coors Brewing Company, Gold in Colorado. Surf-wise, today looking at just a slight increase in direction, not a whole lot more size, but straighter southwest pretty swells showing up primarily. Cacho, northwest, windswell, all but gone, but just a little bit of a cross to that as well. Coming off of a big-time negative low tide earlier this morning, so things are looking a little bit weak and bleak once again. Small surf running in that ankle-knee high zone on average, waist high in some spots. Up to chest high, only those areas most open to that southwest pretty swell direction.
and even those waves are pretty few and far between, so you get to have some patience today. Overcast skies will beat you. Slightly light and variable winds, but really not affecting surface textures too much now either. I just want to give it a little bit more time for that water to fill in and see what the day is going to bring. Right now, looking a bit iffy. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com, and the ethnic surf report can only be heard three times daily, right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. And I wear like a 44 small. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. Woods. I mean, hey, listen, I'd do snuff on the plane, okay? Zienna. I put my head down because if I hear someone cry, I cry. And Jay. You'd have to be dying to come down and help you. Yeah. I would have to have had my arm chopped off. On FM 94.9. Woods is going to do the drop food challenge. Woods has taken a $20 bill. And licked it. He didn't care. He says, look. Don't be a Sally. Be a Sally. Germs. I don't like them. And so today, he's going to eat a donut out of Jay's belly button. He's going to eat a donut out of. That was just for fun, though. Almost just threw up. Out of L.O.B.'s shoe. That one's got me a little bit. Not that L.O.B.'s gross or anything, but shoe. I wouldn't eat it out of my own shoe.
He's also going to eat it off the floor of our general manager's office, who knows what's happening there. And he's also going to eat a donut off the floor from the bathroom, the men's bathroom. Yeah. All right, we need people to call us with words for the Incorporator. And, Woodsy, who's doing the Incorporator today? Well, today it's going to be Lauren O'Brien. Oh, wow. L-O-B. My heart. You're up. I'm like a sadist. You're the last to go. Mike, have you gone here? Save the best for last. You went once. I went once. Are you ready? Yeah. My heart just skipped a beat. 570-1949. All right, now here's what you do. You call right now, and you are going to give us a word. You're going to give us one word. And then L.O.B. has to incorporate that word into her conversation that she has with the person on the phone.
That's all. Yeah. And don't be a smart egg and try to do like gobbledygook. I mean, it's stupid. Make it a real word. Make it a word. A real word. Yeah. Spotlight. Yes. Great one. Yeah. You know. Gumdrop. Gumdrop. Dude. Perfect. Pinata. Pinata. Good. That's fine. Just words. Words. You know, what you don't want to do is get fancy with the words. Right. Don't try to. You're not throwing one past us here. Yeah. See, if you get fancy with the words, it's not funny. Right. It's only funny if the words are normal words. In fact, it's funnier if it's a normal word. Clock radio. Right. The hard part is weaving that into a sentence talking to a guy at a pet shop. Right. Because it's so abstract. Right. Where are we today? We are calling Ace Computer Repair. Nice. You're going to do really good. You're going to kill her. It's the most nervous I've ever been on this show. You do improv. You're fine. You're going to be really good. We got to boot her. Well, Chris is taking the words. Okay, cool. Usually I'll take them during the commercial break and I forgot. Weird. So weird. 5701949. He's taking them right now. All the phone lines are lit up. Play the Obama thing? Yeah, I can do that. That's a good idea. President Obama on Anthony Weiner. You know the head of the DNC has called for his resignation.
Did she speak? It sounds like Ann Curry is going to cry. You know the head of the DNC has called for his resignation. Did she speak to you as head of the Democratic Party? She didn't speak to me directly. And frankly, I understand why this has generated a lot of attention. Yeah, because the man's name is Anthony Weiner. 100%. Now, if a representative... had tweeted a picture of his naked body to some co-ed in Seattle, it would make news for sure. But the reason that we're fascinated is because his name is Anthony Wiener. So you're saying if his name was Thomas Phillips. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It wouldn't matter. We'd care for two seconds. This dude's name is Wiener. Now if he had like a prosthetic Phillips screwdriver as an arm or something. That would be different because he got an irony.
That's right. How inappropriate the congressman's behavior was. But I've got a lot of other stuff to do. And so on my list. Really? So what you're telling me, it's a revelation. What you're saying to me is that there are things on your presidential docket that are bigger than worrying about Representative Anthony Weiner. That's shocking. I thought that you would get a piece of paper each day from your chief of staff and the number one item, number one, worry about Anthony Weiner. Mr. Obama. Yes. President Obama, excuse me. Yes. We got to do something about this Weiner. I don't understand. Not my Weiner. This representative Weiner. We got to do something about this guy and we got to take care of it now. I'm not really sure how I can help. You're the president. He sent a picture of his penis. Genitalia, yes. He sent a photograph of his genitalia on a twit pic. Yeah, he tweeted it. That's what I said. It's six or half a dozen. Fair enough. Don't scream at me. I'm not. Using a normal tone of voice. You're kind of screaming. You're screaming. Right now, I'm speaking in a completely normal. You're screaming. I'm terrified. It's the Oval Office, so. I am. I just don't shoot the messenger. This guy is a Democrat. You're a Democrat.
He's one of you, okay? Yes. This wiener is getting us in a lot of trouble. Tell him to not tweet wiener's pictures anymore. I can tell him, but it's going to hold a lot more weight coming. You want me to call him? I want you to call wiener, yeah. You're the president. You're the president. And quit saying it like that. I know what you're doing. I'm not doing anything. Yeah, you are. You keep saying, call wiener. Hey, we have a wiener problem. There's a huge wiener problem. Come on now. We're adults. Look, they're not going to erect a statue of the guy anytime soon. That's the last one. Things that consume me on a day-to-day basis. Jobs, the economy, Afghanistan. This is not something probably that I would have spent a lot of time on. I will say that between the economy and Afghanistan, there may be room for the Anthony Weiner. situation uh you know and we've taken a look at it but i don't i'm not sure what to do what would you do if you had a constituent that texted pictures of his genitalia you you know i i think that he knows not to do it again i could call him and say hello anthony it's uh president obama i know what's happened don't
take photographs of your private parts and then send them to girls in Seattle. That was great. Perfect. Just like that. That's exactly what you need to do. I think he knows. There's more pictures that are coming out. You want to hear me say, I know what this is. You want, as some sort of sick humor to the two of you, you want me to pick the phone up and say, is Wiener there? Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's do it. All right, LLB, got to leave the room. You got to leave the room. She's nervous. This is the most terrifying thing ever. Time to do the incorporator. Now, here are the words that she has to incorporate into a conversation. We're calling Ace Computer Repair. M1RJ says resurrection. Oh, that's good. M1 Dark Coat says nude. That's good too. M1 Miles says decapitation. M1 Lori says ticklish. M1 Hungry Hippo says tinkerbell. M1 Chair says duffel bag. M1 Obama says fart. M1 Diego says chandelier. M1 Lori says chimichanga.
Mikey. It's called lunch. And that's it. All right. So, actually, I have to take one of them out because that's nine. Yeah, it's eight. It's eight is what we do. So, which one should I take out? Chimichanga, Chandelier, Fart, Duffel Bag, Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell? Yeah, it's a name. All right, have her come back in. Come on, Lauren. I'm not looking at you guys. She's all red. Are you nervous? Yeah. You're going to do fine. I'm the most nervous I've ever been on the show. You're calling Ace Computer Repair. Now, I have to explain to the audience. I will feed L.O.B. the words. My microphone is set up so that L.O.B. can hear me. You, the audience, can hear me. The person on the phone cannot hear me. I can't. You're so freaked out. Don't freak yourself out. Pretend that we're just at the house screwing around. She's going to kill it. Here we go. Ace Computer Repair.
First word is resurrection. Computer repair. Yeah, hi. Who am I speaking with? This is Quinn. Hi, Quinn. My name's Lauren, and I was calling. I'm having some computer problems, and I think my hard drive needs some sort of resurrection or something. It's just not working at all. Nude. I think, I don't know, maybe my son. I have a 13-year-old son. I don't know if he was looking at nude pictures or some sort of tweeter sites or something. I don't know. Yeah, like, if you look at a video of, like, a decapitation, all of a sudden you get pop-ups for, like, dead babies and stuff? Yeah, that could be a problem. Yeah. Sorry, my throat's a little ticklish. Okay. So, is that something that you could come to the house and do, or would I have to go in there? We could do either way. We have people do drop-offs at a location, or if it's more convenient for you, we could come to your residence.
They come with, like, a duffel bag with, like, a stethoscope or something. Yeah, I mean, normally those are just a matter of antivirus. Be more complex than that. Sorry, I think my dog just farted. Sorry, that's not really your problem. I'm sorry. Okay, so we have a couple of choices here is what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, you've been telling me it's what I'm wearing. It should be no problem. I mean, I don't want to promise you anything, but... Yeah, I know. I don't want to have any, like... crazy parties, celebration parties over here, saying that you're going to fix it. I'm not going to be swinging from the chandelier or anything like that. But you could try, right? I don't know. I mean, it could be as simple as I have a friend named Miguel that comes over all the time. He might have dripped a chimichanga into the motherboard or something. I don't know. Let me leave that up to you because I'm not any sort of expert or anything like that. Well, there's a motherboard that's going to be different than a hard drive.
The motherboard is your wife. Oh, shoot. I will be having him pay if that's the case. Okay. All right. Well, I'll come in there, and I'll let you figure it out. If it is the chimichanga thing, there is going to be hell to pay. Okay, cool. Well, I'll come in there. What time are you guys open until? We're open until 5. Cool. All right. Well, I will see you later then, Quinn. Okay. Okay, feast. She's shaking. She's shaking. She's shaking. She's shaking. I was so hard. It was so great. Awesome. Well done. That was like the longest conversation when we were done. I know. It's great. You can get off now. L.O.B. through that whole thing. First of all, she was perfect. Second of all, through the whole thing, she had the body language of somebody that was just in a car accident. Like she literally.
She was shaking. She was literally shaking. Like a meth head. My face is all red. Oh, my gosh. Look how red she is. That was great. Oh, my gosh. Well done, LLB. Good job, LLB. Thank you. Good job. If it is a chimichanga, you're in trouble. I know. I will. My friend, Miguel. I will have healthy pain. I was over there thinking, how's she going to get chimichanga? How's she going to get chimichanga? I was losing my mind. That's awesome. 570-1949. I was wondering how she was going to fart. That was the toughest one for me. I think my dog farted. I guess that's not your problem. Oh, that was great. Oh, did my dog just fart? That was awesome. Okay. So I'm going to bring this up and see where people are on this. I want you to call 570-1949. Woods wrote in his recap, for as much as I complain about dinner, last night made up for it at my house. The wife made pot roast. mashed potatoes, crescent rolls, and salad. Wow. You ever just write your meal in your recap every day? Yeah. Yes. Most part of his day. But I think the big thing about it was that his wife, you know, she came strong. She made a nice dinner. Oh, yeah. Now, this is what I found so interesting about his recap. He said, watched the movie Hall Pass twice. Interesting movie. Twice.
If your wife gave you a week off of marriage, would you take it? Now, couple of observations. One, I'll never watch Hall Pass. Two, why does one watch it twice? Because it was so good. Woodsy, does it say anything that you watched it twice? You need more homework. He's like... I just watched a movie about a bunch of guys that get a hall pass from their wife. I got to see it again. No, it's the Farrelly brothers. I was all the way in. He likes to memorize bits of the movies, you know, and say the lines. Okay. Well. Probably watch it again today. Oh. If your wife, why are you already shaking your head yes? I'm not. Okay. If your wife said, listen, in the movie, what is it? 24 hours? Oh, it's a week.
A week? Seven days off of marriage. The two wives go somewhere else, and then the two guys are left at home. What about the girls? Do they get a hall pass? Yes. Filthy. And do the girls have sex with guys? I'm not going to spoil that for those that haven't seen it yet. But you're allowed to? The girls are, yeah. It's more about just taking a week off of marriage. Go ahead. They're basically taking these two guys. It's not about just sleeping? No, it is. It kind of is. But the women, the funny part is the women know you guys are dorks now. You're not going to get anything unless you pay for it. So have at it. You know, like most wives would say. Right. In normal land. Right. I figured you'd be a big fan of this film. I was watching it. I almost posted my Facebook. I'm watching Hall Pass. I bet Mike is not. Well, here's the deal. I would say, if your wife would give you a week off, would you take it? Only problem is, there's nobody with the balls to call in and say, oh yeah, I'd take it. Unless there is. 570-1949. I don't think... Because every guy's like, if my wife...
finds out that I called in and said that, she'll slay me. What about a wife? Yeah, what about a wife? That would give her husband a week off. Oh, yeah. Would you give your husband a week off from marriage? 570-1949. Wow. That's a cannonball right there. Shot across the bow. Call 570-1949. What a wonderful day it is for him. What a wonderful day it is for all of us. This is The Mikey Show. The little mushroom people of Nova Scotia screaming with horror. On FM 94.9. We're a small business. We diagnose trees, treat diseases, and do large tree removals. Shelly Bavaro, owner, Marin County Arborist, and Verizon Wireless customer. Will we have Verizon tablets and smartphones? Because our crews have got to be connected.
We use GPS maps, we exchange photos, and we generate estimates on the spot so we're more responsive to our clients. Verizon technology gives your small business the power to do more on America's largest and most reliable wireless network. Come in today for the best selection of smartphones and tablets, like the new Droid Charge by Samsung for $299.99. No rebate required. More small businesses choose Verizon than any other wireless carrier because they know the small business with the best technology. Rules. Visit any Verizon wireless store. Visit verizonwireless.com slash smallbusiness or call 1-800-VZW-4BITS. New to your activation and data pack required. Determination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. Preference results based on third-party study. Hey, gang. It's your old pal, Woodsy, here for Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. I've been telling you about it for, gosh, almost a year now. I went around my birthday last year, July 19th, for those of you that didn't know.
to get my LASIK surgery done. I've been putting it off for years and years. I wore glasses. I would break my glasses. I would lose my contacts. They would be all slimy and grimy, and I'd have to put them in at 3 o'clock in the morning. I don't have to do that anymore. I wake up, I roll into the shower, and I come to work and hang out with my friends on The Mikey Show. Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center, 858-452-3937. Go in, get a consultation. It's free. They're going to look at you and make sure you're a good fit. Also, check out their website. It's awesome. www.clearvieweyes.com. You'll see Tony Hawk on there. Tony Hawk got his eyes done by Dr. Feldman. They are phenomenal. Give them a call today, 858-452-3937, or go online to www.clearvieweyes.com. This is the sound of Jim at a ball game realizing he forgot to stop by the bank. Oh, I promised my wife I'd deposit these checks. This is the sound of Charles, a Chase banking customer at the same game remembering the same thing. Oh, I totally forgot to deposit these checks. Jim. Ugh, now I gotta leave the game early. I didn't even get a hot dog. Charles. I'll just use Chase Quick Deposit and deposit my checks from right here. With Chase Quick Deposit, you can deposit checks safely and securely from anywhere, including Section 100, Row 5, Seat 12. Simply take a picture of the front and back of your check with Chase Quick Deposit on your smartphone. Then, and you're done. Now that's a step forward. This is the sound of Jim trying to leave early so he can deposit his checks. Excuse me. Pardon me. Hey! Sorry, pal. This is the sound of Charles after catching a fly ball and depositing his three checks.
Chase Quick Deposit. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Chase Quick Deposit is now available for select smartphones. Enroll in Chase online and download Chase mobile apps. Subject to eligibility, deposits subject to verification. Not available for media withdrawal. Limits, terms, and conditions apply. Message and data rates from your service provider may apply. See chase.com slash quick deposit for details on eligible smartphones. JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of DIC. ProPhil Institute for Clinical Research hopes to make a difference in the lives of future generations of diabetics by taking part in research on possible future diabetes medications. Currently, ProPhil Institute is conducting a clinical research study evaluating If you've been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and are between the ages of 18 to 50 years old, consider participating in this clinical research study. This study is not intended to treat your condition. You may be compensated up to $3,482.25 for your time and travel. Up to 8 overnights and 8 outpatient visits may be required. For more information, contact Profil Institute at 1-866-245-0373 or check out Profil's website at Profil. Once again, call 1-866-245-0373 for more information on participating in a clinical research study with Profil Institute. That number is 1-866-245-0373 or email Profil at volunteer at ProfilInstitute.com. Well, we've completely run out of Father's Day gift ideas for your dad. You're overthinking it, Mom. Dad likes data. Data.
I'm confused. He likes data. Think about it. He's always on his smartphone. He's the king of Twitter. He loves watching YouTube videos, catching sports highlights, and sending tons of emails. He's got like a million friends on Facebook. This I know. Yep. Daddy's all about data. Lucky for us, T-Mobile is offering a year of data free. It happens this Saturday, June 18th, for one day only. Free data for your dad. For a year. Now you're on to something, Mom. It's $120 in savings when we sign up for a qualifying unlimited plan. So it's a Father's Day deal the day before Father's Day. That's smart. Yeah, you could call it Free Data for Daddy Day. This Saturday, June 18th, celebrate Free Data for Daddy and get a year of data free. It's $120 savings when you sign up for a qualifying unlimited talk, text, and data plan. T-Mobile. Get $10 off per month for one year with new activation on a $69.99 unlimited talk, text, and web plan with a two-year contract. Data speed slowed after 200 megabytes. Taxes and fees additional. This summer, the Miller Lite guards are saving men from making the unmanly choice of drinking light beer with less taste. How? With great-tasting Miller Lite, TastePoints, and awesome summer discounts. So man up at tastepoints.com today. Open only to legal California residents, 21 or older, void rule prohibitive.
Go epic on three new coasters at Six Flags. Go 100 miles an hour backwards on Superman Escape from Krypton. Go together on the all-new Roadrunner Express coaster. Go head over heels on the new Vertical Spin Coaster, opening July 1st. Save $25 on admission with any can of Coke or at SixFlags.com. Go Six Flags Magic Mountain. If you're looking for pure summer enjoyment, head to Albertsons. Their fresh produce is picked at the peak of flavor, then rush to the store for superior taste. Just add grilling favorites and bakery fresh buns, and you have everything you need to put together your get-togethers. Fresh summertime fun. You'll find it at Albertsons. This report is brought to you by McDonald's. 42-ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at McDonald's for a limited time. Choose from a variety of icy cold drinks. Now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Participation does vary. Looks like we got it back up on the 5 southbound National Avenue due to a guy that lost his tire. Grand Avenue at Figueroa Boulevard, an accident just cleared there. It's west of the 5. And the 15 southbound as you make your way through Escondido. Pretty heavy this morning from the 78 to Felicita. This report brought to you by...
RE-MAX gets straight answers to questions and know your options. RE-MAX, outstanding agents, outstanding results. Find an agent at RE-MAX.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. K-K-Z-T, San Diego. But Lincoln Financial Radio Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I have a sore in my mouth because I stabbed myself with a hard French fry yesterday. You might be a redneck. Lauren. I might be allergic to oats. Woods. I think it'd be safe to say I'm a jock sniffer. Zienna. I don't care. Yeah. I want a thank you card to come in the mail to show me I went out of my way to help her. She should go out of her way for five minutes. And Jay. The only thing I don't like about hockey. The fight. The fight? Oh, it's fun. On FM 94.9. I was finally able to ban a user from our Facebook. About time. Well, he or she isn't a real user. What they did is they created a fake. account that they'll come on every once in a while to troll yeah you know to say bad stuff and to try to stir stuff up but they only do it every once in a while um and i don't know who it is if it's a guy or a girl uh which is the thing about that internet stuff you know on the internet you don't have to have any accountability and stuff like that which is crazy to me that the person that writes something
doesn't want to be known. Like, how wacky is that? It's fear. It's hiding under the cover of darkness. Well, fear of what now? Other people. Yeah, because they think, oh, if people know my real name and they like the Mikey show, then they'll attack me. Yeah, well, what if they see you out at Mama Tessa's eating tacos and you're like, oh, I know this guy. This is a guy that is always running mouth. What's up, dude? Right. I could just as easily be at a place that isn't a Mexican food place, but I guess because I'm Hispanic, yeah, it would stand to reason that I would probably be... At Mama Testa. At Mama Testa. Rubio's. Rubio's. Del Taco. Del Taco. Right. Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Anyway. On the border. But anyway, the person goes by the name Dark Dawn, which I don't believe is, you know, it's probably a girl. No. I knew a guy named Dark before. You did? Nope.
Weird. Got me. It's not a girl. There's no way. Oh, yeah. Mikey, there's no way it's a girl. You don't know some of the girls that I know. You know what I mean? Did you see the profile pic? It was like a... A nude man. I mean, all the way down. No. Yeah. It was like a... I thought it was like a little... I thought it was a snowman. Yeah, snowman. No, when you went to his page, it was a fully nude, all the way down to his Johnson, and he's holding a baby. No. Yeah. I just, I looked. Jay, that's a different Dark Dawn than the one that posted on the site. I'm sorry. I've been smoking marijuana in here. I have no idea. He was a snowman and a carrot. Now, Dawn is listening. Bill yourself. I know. Now he can't comment. Never. She can't comment site anymore because it got banned. TB. Ruffian. We're talking about how Woodsy watched Hall Pass twice. Yes. Now, this is a movie about a group of guys that get a Hall Pass from their wife, and the wives get a Hall Pass, too. Yeah. For two? For a week. For a week. Whatever you want. You're not married for a week. The bit is this.
The wives get sick and tired of them always checking out girls and talking about the good old days and how they used to slay and how they could still slay. They're obsessed with sex, basically. So this old sage woman was like, hey, I gave my husband a hall pass. He couldn't do anything with it. Give your husband hall passes. So they do. These guys go out. And the funny part is watching these middle-aged men with kids and minivans and one of them is an insurance salesman go out and try. Trying to hit on girls. And seeing those guys at a bar trying to hit on girls is hysterical. M1, Kim from Vista, are you there? Yes. You would give a hall pass? Sure. How long have you been married? I've only been married for four years, but we've been together 12. Now, what does your husband look like? He's a little underweight. Underweight? Underweight? Yeah, he's a little on the thin side. Okay. But other than that, he's fine. How tall? I'm six foot. And reasonable looking guy? Say average looks? Yep. What would make you be willing to give him a hall pass? I just trust him implicitly. Oh. So, in other words, you could say to him, listen, you got seven days, you got a hall pass for seven days, you're not a married guy, and you believe that he would not use it? I believe that he would, like, talk the talk, you know, so it looks good and everything.
But I believe that if it came down to it, nope. That's the interesting thing too, Mike, is the first night they have the hall pass. Where do they go? They go to Applebee's. And they're about to go out and start hitting on women. They're like, we got to eat something first. Next thing you know, there's six guys because four of their buddies want to just come watch. Just watch their buddies on a hall pass. Next thing you know, they're sitting around a table. There's empty rib trays, steaks, beers. And they're like, they all have barbecue sauce around their lips. I say we just put a bow on this thing and take it to the house because they're all exhausted. They really just wanted a week off from the wives. In real life, I think it might look different. I think it could. I think it could look different. M1 Anonymous. You would give your husband a hall pass. Yeah. In fact, I gave it to him when we first started going out. Oh, wow. And did he use it? You know what? He was tempted to use it, and he tried to, and then he just kind of cowered away from it and walked away. Now, you know that because he told you, right? I know that because he told me, and he was pretty much around me 24-7. He would not. I had Paul passed as well, but he would not leave my side. And I said, dude, go talk to other girls. You know, go. Have fun.
Now, what gave you that idea? What had made this come about? Well, originally, my relationship, how it started out was I was in a polyamorous relationship. A polyamorous. Okay, tell me what that is. Polyamorous is where you pretty much are in a committed relationship with more than one person. You're in a committed relationship with more than one person. How many people? I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend, and we were all living in the same house. I didn't play that. Okay, you had a boyfriend and a girlfriend and what? And we were all living in the same house. Okay, and that is called polyamorous. It's also called the little miracle. Yeah, this is also what it's called. Okay, now, how old are you? Now, I'm 29. Okay, now, I'm going to use you as a case study. What that means is I'm going to ask you questions, and I ask that you tell me. The absolute truth. Oh, good thing I parked. Okay. Okay. Do you promise to tell me the absolute truth? Yes. You will not lie no matter what. Yeah, I won't lie. Okay. Now, when did you begin said polyamorous relationship? Let me think, 2005. I want to say 2008. And how old were you at the time? Uh, 25, 26, 27.
You were 27 when you started this. Yeah, I think I was 27. I'm sorry. Lines are kind of blurred. That's okay. That's all right. So you're about 26, 27 years old. Yeah. And was it your idea? Did somebody invite you into this lifestyle? How did it come about? It just kind of was all unanimous. There was a guy that I was really into, and I found out that he was still really into his girlfriend. And then I met his girlfriend. I was really into his girlfriend. And we all kind of. mutually agreed and we actually did research on this too and found out yeah this is a lifestyle and um kind of took it on from there okay and so uh polyamorous means that uh it was the three of you initially right yeah it could be more i mean poly meaning many and then amorous meaning love okay but but then you invited i thought there was a total of four people no no oh is it three oh okay three people yeah Okay, so you had a relationship with the girl and the guy. Yeah. And you guys lived in an apartment? No, we lived in a house. How long? We moved, I want to say eight months, almost a year. Eight months to a year. I didn't play that. And what ended the relationship? Actually, what ended the relationship was the couple. I called them the couple because they were kind of the alpha of the group. They could do whatever they wanted.
and they got jealous because I started seeing other people on the side, and they knew about it. But then they started saying, hey, you know, we don't want you seeing that person. We don't like them. And then it got to the point where, hey, you can't bring that person to the house. And then it was just like, yeah, if you're going to see anyone, you need to go away, or you need to tell us about it. And it's like, okay, well, now this is becoming a control issue, and I'll see you later. But back to the relationship I'm in now, that's how I got with him. And I met him through work, and I told him, hey, this is the relationship I'm in now. You're more than welcome to go date whoever you want, but we're still together. And he said, no, I'll try it, but it's not for me. Did you want to be able to go see whoever you wanted to? I didn't have the intent to go see anyone else, but, I mean, I liked the idea. And then finally the idea just kind of, we just became monogamous, and we decided, I think. three four months into the relationship like yeah okay this polyamorous thing i'm done with it let's just be monogamous but we never acted out on it or anything like that okay so it was a really long haul pass if you think about it yeah so how long have you been with this guy now almost three years we have a kid together and it's awesome uh marriage uh boyfriend like to no well honestly no we're not married we like to say we're married but we can't get married because of technical issues and financial issues
What are the technical issues? Well, medical reasons. If we get married, he loses certain benefits. And he's a recipient of an organ. And so he would lose benefits because they would count my income with his income. And so he would lose some of those benefits. Got it. Do you still talk to the old polyamorous couple? Uh, you know what? No, I, it got really bitter at the end. And in fact, I will, I can't, I did run into him a couple of times. And when I was pregnant and they actually, their daughter saw me and, uh, it's like, Oh my God, it's her. And I, it's just not a good thing. Cause when I look back on it, they took me, they took advantage of me and, uh, took a lot of my money too. Do you have their phone number? Uh, that wasn't my voice. Well, all right. I've never heard of that before. There's a movie, Vicky, Christina, Barcelona, Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, and it was that situation, right? The same type of deal? I haven't seen that movie. Oh, it was a big movie. And that's what that movie was about? Yeah, the two of the girls get in a relationship with him. Penelope was his ex, and she came back, and they all just kind of fell in love together. Yeah.
I want to squeeze them. Yeah. It doesn't work. It ended up falling apart. Weird. You know? Yeah. Well, thank you for your honesty, M1 Anonymous. For sure. No problem. Thank you. Man, I never heard of that. So no hall pass for you. I've given no hall pass to my wife, and she ain't given no hall pass to me. What about a polyamorous pass? Yeah. That we've given. Yes, we have an open polyamorous, you know, policy. Well, it's a fascinating film. It's a fascinating study on marriage and everything that goes along with it. And it's funny. Oh, it's funny. There's some really funny parts. What would your wife, Jamie, say? Oh, my God. What would she say? I mean, in real, in like realness. She would say, literally, she would say no effing way is what she would say. That's verbatim. Rebecca wouldn't have anything to say. Would she just be hurt? Oh, yeah. She would just bawl and she wouldn't even be able to talk. Jamie wouldn't cry. She'd mad cry, but she wouldn't sad cry. Yeah. And if Rebecca said it to me, I would instantly think she was on drugs. I would think she had become a drug user. I think, oh, no. And I would say.
Are you doing heroin or are you doing what is it? What are you on? Tell me what it is because you're on something. I'll get you help. I will get help. Ecstasy does wear off. Yeah. Ecstasy's got to wear off of you. Exactly. What's the matter with you? Something tells me Miss Sienna would not be approving of a hall pass for her husband. No. I wouldn't let him hook up with anyone, but if he really wanted time away from me, I'd give him a week. Well, time away. I'd take a week. Yeah, and I would say you don't need to call me, whatever, because I know he'd come running back missing this all terribly. Yes. For sure. No, never. I would never let him hook up with someone. Ugh. Because you know why? Kill him. Todd could. Oh, shut up. No, he can't. But he could. What do you mean? Sienna, that's the deal. Sienna. No, he can't. Yes, he could. It'd take him 15 minutes. Shut up! It would! It would take him 15 minutes! What? You're telling me that you think that your husband, Todd, could go out... Nicknamed Todd the God, by the way. Shut up! Don't put these ideas in her head. No, I'm not. I'm not putting ideas in her head. But that guy, he goes out in PB. Done.
He's not going to go out APB, and he loves his wife dearly. Absolutely. But, I mean, yeah, I'm sure girls like him, obviously. Yes. But he's not really a guy with game. He doesn't approach girls. They approach him, from what I've noticed. Which they would. And they would. Yeah, but he's not interested. No. No, he's not interested because he's a married man. Shut up. It's true. He's 39 years old. No, no, no, I'm being serious. Seriously. talking about it. It's gross, right? Yeah. It is. Grosses me out. Freaks me out. Yep. These wives felt comfortable letting their two clowns go out and try to shag and they couldn't do it. That's why they're movie characters. Right. It's a movie. It's all in good fun. To make you uncomfortable, L.O.B.? Yes. How come? Talk to me. What's happening in your head? What do you... I want to know. Because it's marriage. It's commitment. Yeah. Sorry. If you want to stay single, have at it. You don't have to get. Nobody's putting a gun to anybody's head to make them get married. That's a great point. Like what makes people. Hey, listen, dudes. If you like banging a lot of girls, just don't get married. Yeah. All right. If that's your bit, don't get married. If you get married, stop it. Yeah. Just stop it. And when I say stop it, I mean like all of the shenanigans. And you know what I mean. Yep.
Dude, it's why when I got married, I stopped leaving the house. I mean, I just, you know, I just stopped going out. I don't do guys not out because I'm not an idiot. Sheenans. You can do guys night out. No. Just control yourself. Well, I can control myself. But, I mean, I'm saying when I first... Yes. When I got married, I was like, dude, I'm not... I'm going to be home with the wife and the dogs. And that's my bit. And I love it. There's nowhere I'd rather be. We should all be getting married because we want to. Not because we're supposed to. Yeah, sign me up for that. Oh, Jay. Not because we're supposed to. Not because we get forced into it or... Not because it's just the right thing to do. Right. Like, do it because you know, okay, I'm done effing around and doing all the shenanigans. I have a burning in my loins right now. Lauren. Here's what you got to remember. Right after I got married, I realized, oh, I don't get to make decisions by myself anymore. Now, that would not have been.
solved by living with someone because I did live with Rebecca, you know, but realize, oh, you don't get to make decisions on your own anymore. Recently, I heard a guy say that he was married a while ago and he was driving home from work after he'd gotten married and he had to make a detour and he wanted to get something. He picked something up and he got home. His wife said, where were you? And he realized. I will never make a unilateral decision ever again. I will never in my life. Oh, come on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. It's true. No. Wait a second. You can, but you get in trouble. Hang on a minute. She didn't have to ask him where he was. Right. But it was a legitimate question. Yeah. Because she loves him. Yeah, but for him to say, I'm never going to be able to make a decision. I can't stop anywhere without asking my partner's permission. It's ridiculous. It's not about permission.
That's what that means. No. What it's about is I'm not just accountable to me anymore. I have to, like, so that people don't worry about me. See, marriage means that I give up some of my freedom and you give up some of your freedom. We each give up freedom. And in giving up our freedom, we gain freedom. See, it's a really hard concept to understand, but I'll try to do it really briefly. Freedom equals restriction. Okay. For instance, you go to the doctor and the doctor says, look, look, fat ass. Says to me. Okay. The doctor goes, look, you have really high cholesterol. And so you need to stop eating these foods. I'm going to restrict you. And in doing so, you will have more freedom. Freedom to live. Freedom to live. Energy maybe. Energy. Now, you don't have to abide by my restrictions.
If you'd like, you can eat whatever you want. And then you're going to have heartburn. You're going to come crying back to me. Took me a while. That's all it is. That's all it is. Give me food. Hey, speaking of that, when we come back for you fellas, I have 10 symptoms you shouldn't be ignoring. And also when we come back, we're going to do the drop food challenge. Woods is going to eat a donut out of L.O.B.'s shoe, Jay's belly button, and the bathroom floor. Because he says, hey, listen, I'm not a Sally. Everything in this country tied up in the court systems. I think we need a little more of this. Part of the Mikey Show now. Shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. Call 570-1949. This is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9.
This is the FM. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Like this Thursday night, Matt and Kim and the Thermals play House of Blues. And Friday night, Switchfoot play at the San Diego County Fair. Saturday is the Switchfoot Bro-Am that is free at Moonlight Beach in Encinitas. The silent comedy, the howls, a bunch of good music all day long. Free, family friendly. That's this Saturday, the Switchfoot Bro-Am. Aukerville River plays with Titus Andronicus at the belly up on the 24th. Anya Marina's at the Casbah July 7th. You can see Black Rebel Motorcycle Club at the racetrack on July 29th. And Big Sonic Chill presents Sia at House of Blues August 11th. There's also upcoming shows from Fitz and the Tantrums, Kings of Leon, The Kills, and Peter, Bjorn, and John. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com.
We're a small business. We diagnose trees, treat diseases, and do large tree removals. Shelley Bavaro, owner, Marin County Arborist, and Verizon Wireless customer. Well, we have Verizon tablets and smartphones because our crews have got to be connected. We use GPS maps, we exchange photos, and we generate estimates on the spot so we're more responsive to our clients. Timber! Verizon Technology gives your small business the power to do more on America's largest and most reliable wireless network. Come in today for the best selection of smartphones and tablets, like the new Samsung 4G LTE Mobile Hotspot. For only $99.99, after a $50 mail-in rebate debit card, more small businesses choose Verizon than any other wireless carrier because they know the small business with the best technology rules. Visit any Verizon wireless store, verizonwireless.com slash smallbusiness, or call 1-800-VZW-4Biz. New to your activation with 4G mobile broadband plan required. Further termination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. Preference results based on third-party study.
Auto insurance specialist is AIS for short, and here's the thing. At AIS, you're not going to pay any added fees. Your premium is all you're going to pay. See, a lot of people don't realize that right now with whatever deal they have, they are. They're probably paying more right now for your car insurance than you need to be. I was. Most of us just are. We just don't know it. So my advice is that you call. AIS, 1-800-777-4247. You don't have to do it by phone call. If you'd like, you could also go online. AISinsurance.com. It's real easy if you do it online. It takes about five minutes. You get a quote from them over the phone, online. Takes about five minutes, fast, free. Got nothing to lose. You've got nothing to lose, really, except for paying a lot of money. There's only an upside to doing this. 1-800-777-4247. 777-4247. Say, I heard this on the Mikey show and let him hook you up. It's AIS. It's dollar stretching deals time at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts, which means it's a great time to double your buying power with buy one, get one free offers on select quality parts and accessories for your car or truck. Products like Anco Wiper Blades. Buy one, get one free.
Select O'Reilly-branded chemicals like power steering fluid and brake fluid. Buy one, get one free. Tool sets and much, much more all buy one, get one free. In fact, with these dollar-stretching deals and O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts already guaranteed low prices, you'll see that putting money into your vehicle means taking less out of your wallet. Shop today and save with the dollar-stretching deals only at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details. He holds a shell up to his ear. He hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance. He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates, and it is glorious. Most interesting man in the world. Don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my friend. Well, we've completely run out of Father's Day gift ideas for your dad. You're overthinking it, Mom. Dad likes data. Data?
Confused. He likes data. Think about it. He's always on his smartphone. He's the king of Twitter. He loves watching YouTube videos, catching sports highlights, and sending tons of emails. He's got like a million friends on Facebook. This I know. Yep. Daddy's all about data. Lucky for us, T-Mobile is offering a year of data free. It happens this Saturday, June 18th, for one day only. Free data for your dad. For a year. Now you're on to something, Mom. It's $120 in savings when we sign up for a qualifying unlimited plan. So it's a Father's Day deal the day before Father's Day. That's smart. Yeah, you could call it Free Data for Daddy Day. This Saturday, June 18th, celebrate Free Data for Daddy and get a year of data free. It's $120 savings when you sign up for a qualifying unlimited talk, text, and data plan. T-Mobile. Get $10 off per month for one year with new activation on a $69.99 unlimited talk, text, and web plan with a two-year contract. Data speed slowed after 200 megabytes. Taxes and fees additional. What does Dad want for Father's Day? A new tie? Cologne?
We think not. The perfect gifts for dad are at Sports Chalet. With so much to choose from, let our gift-giving experts help you find exactly what dad will love. No matter what dad's into, Sports Chalet is your one stop to shop for Father's Day. And don't forget, everything you need to make this summer the most fun ever is in stock now at Sports Chalet. Hi, would you like to try VitaFusion fiber gummies? The new, better way to take your fiber? No, I like chalky fiber. I also like holding my nose while I drink a glass of water with stuff floating in it. Really? But VitaFusion fiber gummies offer five grams of fiber in each delicious, sugar-free serving. They're great. I'll try one. Those are amazing. You sound thrilled. I don't usually get this excited. VitaFusion fiber gummies. Enjoy your fiber. Visit FiberGummy.com. Available at Rite Aid. Cricket.
Hurry in today or visit MyCricket.com to get our smartphone nationwide unlimited plan for 55 bucks a month. So smart, so cricket. This report is brought to you by Mossy Nissan. Come into any of the six Mossy Nissan locations. Test drive the all-new zero-emission, 100% electric Nissan Leaf. Now accepting orders at mossynissan.com. In Escondido, West El Norte Parkway at Nutmeg Street, we've got a car and a trash truck that collided. 52 westbound at the 163, an accident. A car hit the K-rail. They've got the two right lanes blocked. And as you travel on the 15 southbound before Felicita Road, we've got this... I don't know what the heck this is. It's a big strap with a metal buckle across. It's in the two right lanes. It does have a backup to Center City Parkway. This report brought to you by Saquon Casino. Get on board for this summer's pirate adventure at Saquon Casino. Every Monday through June 27th, you can win some great cash prizes, private yacht excursions, and a trip to the Caribbean. Only at Saquon Casino. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm extraordinarily weird. Lauren. I want...
The awesomeness of the iPhone that you've been talking about. I don't want some dumbed-down version of it. Woods. I have one wish. I wish I wasn't so fast. Sienna. Yeah, I would say I'm obsessed with Sage. Yeah, I'm obsessed. You are. And Jay. I love to look, but I just don't like to look. On FM 94.9. Drop Food Challenge is coming up here in just a second. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Fugazi. You're it. We're Peter. Yesterday we were on the air. We were talking about germs and so forth. And Woods has been known to eat stuff and do stuff that's really filthy. He licked a $20 bill one time. He tested that $20 bill. He swabbed it. Probably had poo on it. I'm being serious, man. I'm just saying. It's probably got really yucky stuff on there. And cocaine.
Cocaine, I'm sure, almost, they said something like 98% of American dollars do. Mm-hmm. Jeez. But anyway, Woodsy is taking up a challenge, and he says, look, you guys are little Sally's about it. I'll take a donut, I'll eat it out of L.O.B.'s shoe, Jay's belly button, and the bathroom floor. Hi, Woodsy. Hi. Where are, oh, I can tell where you are. You're in a bath, you're in the men's bathroom. Being videotaped by Krause. Yeah. Not the first time. Okay. Are you ready? Yep. Tell me what you're doing. All right. I'm now bending down to pick up off the bathroom floor. I'll even flip it over to the other side to get a little taste of both. And here we go. It just came off the men's bathroom floor. Hey, and the door is shut. Our general manager, you were going to eat it off his office floor.
Yeah. Just do the hallway. After a bathroom floor, is it really that big a deal? No. I'll do it. I'll rub it on the elevator button, maybe. You filthy. I'll pull it on the elevator button. Anything for a donut. Now I'll come in and eat it off of Jerry's belly button. Come in here, Jay. Ew. Ew, that's the grossest. Ew. Lay on the love stuff. Lay on the love. Yeah, you can hang that up now. Lay on the love sack. Ew. Oh, gross. Oh, my. Okay. Jay just lifted up his T-shirt. And on his hairy white man belly. On his hairy white man belly is a donut. A glazed. It's a quarter of it. It's a quarter of it. Woods is leaning down. Ew.
Squish it in there. He's waving at the camera because it's being videotaped. Ew. Gross, gross, gross. He just ate it off of his belly. He just ball-checked... Gross, gross, gross. You guys are children. Ball-checked Jay Zoller. Jay goes... Oh, no. Oh, no. Jay got him back. Jay got him back. Oh, payback. Payback. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, holy crap. That one hurt. That was open palm, too. Oh, my God. Jay's is knocking. Oh.
Did you get that? Chris got all that on video. And we're going to post to the website. Oh, that is so funny. Where's your shoe, L.O.B.? This one's going to get me a little bit. Put it back in there? Put the shoe up on the counter so we can videotape. Oh, wow. I actually felt that bad. Oh, that's right where your toes go. He's reaching in. He grabbed it. He shook his head. Ew. That one got me. Ew. That one got me. That one got me too. Oh my gosh. It's like one of those ballerina slippers where you don't wear socks. No socks. So just barefoot in shoe. I can smell the shoe. What's worse, that or the ball check that you got? Piece of cake. This is donuts, pal. Oh, he got, you both got each other. Oh man. So hard.
My wife asked me the other day, she goes, how come, she goes, seriously, how come Jay and Woods punch each other in the balls? She goes, really, really, why do they do it? And I said, because it's hysterical. And she goes, how come? Like, can you explain it? I guess I can't. She didn't have brothers. This is something you see, I think, and they do just to mess with each other. It's so funny. This guy's hurting each other. It's like the three stooges. It's like jackass. It's gotten progressively. That one was bad. He got just the right one. dead center. And it just went... And I had a thing of donut in my mouth, too. Did it feel like he put a cattle prod? Yeah. So you felt like lightning. I have a pain in the side of my head now for some reason. Chris, as fast as you possibly can. Because I can't wait to watch that. It made me throw my headphones off, get up from my chair, die laughing. I even hit the ground.
This is how funny it was. All right. Sienna. Yes. What are 10 symptoms that guys shouldn't ignore? If you're having a difficult time speaking, like you're feeling tongue-tied a lot, you may think I'm just getting older, you know, I'm having a senior moment. It could be a stroke. Uh-oh. Well, what guy? And I'm being completely serious. If a guy woke up and he was like, what guy would be like, man, just going to work. I'm good. I'm good. Honey, what's wrong with your speech? Nothing. I'm going to work. Who does that? Me, probably. No, you would not. I haven't had feeling in my left hand for a week. That's weird.
It's weird. I don't know what it is. If Jay just suddenly woke up, I mean, I have a feeling he's always been flubbering his words. If he just woke up and suddenly was even doing the things that he's doing, that means you may have had some sort of mini stroke. Yeah. Gotta be careful. Hey, Jay, you may have had a mini stroke. Whatever you think you know about this man is a reveler. Hey, listen, it's worth the call, you know. It's worth the phone call. It's worth the phone call. You know what I mean? Price of a phone call, buddy. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Are you trying to say irrelevant, Jay? You trying to do a Dick Clark imitation? Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Irreverent? No. Irrelevant. What is he saying? Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. It was a lot of pressure that day. That was a lot of pressure to Jay's defense. Irreverent. To Jay's defense.
I listened to that thing no less than 100 times. Another symptom that you shouldn't ignore, especially men, shortness of breath. You may be thinking I'm just out of shape. No, it could be an impending heart attack. I know that it's that I'm out of shape. I know that mine's that I'm out of shape. My wife was so... She didn't even mean it, which made it worse. She didn't mean it to be demeaning. She didn't mean it to be... I came upstairs and... Okay. I'm pot committed now. This is going to be good. Buckle up. Why do you break it up? I don't know why. You know better. I'm not. I'd rather we move on. Zero percent chance. I ran up the stairs.
Was there a hamburger up there? Were you guys eating dinner upstairs that night? What was the occasion? Was there a fire downstairs? Grease fire, probably. Let me guess. Colonel Sanders was in your master bedroom. Did somebody trick you and tell you In-N-Out moved upstairs? Man versus food was on in your bedroom? Did I open a fat burger up there? You just call it burger. I ran up the stairs. Oh, man. I immediately laid down. It wasn't because I ran up the stairs. I jumped into bed. Oh, that hoe is big. And Rebecca came over and was asking me about something. And I said, uh... And she said, is everything OK? You seem out of breath. And I had to say she didn't know. She didn't know. I just had run up the stairs and she and I had to say, well, I just ran up the stairs. It's OK. You know, look at Lauren. Oh, that one gets me. Did you just have a meal? Got her hands over her face. And she's just it's the funniest thing that she's heard in so long.
I can't look at it. I want you to have a reality show. Oh, no. More than anything. I want to see what that looks like, you running up the stairs. Yes, I do too. In the same way, I want to know what it would look like if a hippo ran up the stairs here at the building. What would that look like? God forbid that elevator ever goes out, we're going to have to run best of because God knows you ain't walking up seven flat. That's right. I mean, I could put him on my shoulders. Yeah, I'll carry you up. I'll hoist you. Yeah. I'll build a pulley. Be like a gazelle carrying a hippo. Which you don't see every day, but I could do it. Yeah. A very, very handsome gazelle. Hey, listen. Hottest gazelle you've ever seen. Woods, before we move on to the rest, you need to know this is a show that's geared towards men. And so I say that so that you know that if you have children in the car, this is not a show. We don't do this show for seven-year-olds. Seven-year-olds, for the most part, can listen. I'm just telling you, we don't do the show for seven years. We do the show for adult men. I'm an adult man. Woods is an adult man. Jay's an adult man. The reason I give you that caveat is because I want to tell you that I laughed at this because I'm an adult man. Woods did something earlier called Hanging Brain. What? You did not. He did. He did. Where were we? Here. In the restroom. We were in the restroom. Private area. And I... I...
Didn't expect it. Which is why he did it, I think. I mean, I can't get inside your noggin and know why you made the choices and decisions. That's exactly why I did it. But Jay and I were at the sink. We were washing our hands. And Woods said, hey guys. And he said it really loud, which got our attention. And I turned around maybe a quarter of a second. Real time, quarter of a second. And I went, oh, Woods. And then I was thinking in my head, oh, that's funny. And what did I say? I said, no, I can't say what I said. You can. I said... Mine's darker. Yeah. Woods said he had bubblegum on his shorts. Stop it! All right, all right, all right. Right. I thought it was an interesting observation. You're a Caucasian. I am Caucasian. You're a Caucasian. You are a Latino. I'm a Latino. So that stands to reason that that would be the case. This product could be spray on tan as well. I thought, well, it isn't. Isn't it? He doesn't get that area sprayed, I'm sure. Stop it. And I thought to myself, wow, Woods and I are so different in so many ways. Yes. More ways than I care to know.
You guys just stopped taking field trips to the bathroom together. It was me, Jay, and Mike. We had so much fun in there. Something funny always happens. There's so much. It's like a boys clubhouse in there. Did I tell you the thing Jay does? He goes to the one next to me and he puts his arm around him. And he knows that. I hate it. You do? Yes. And I hate it. Talk to him. Play with him. I really don't like it. And he doesn't care. I don't like it. It's the greatest. There's two urinals right next to each other. They're the only two urinals in that bathroom. And I'll be at the urinal, and he'll stand at the one to my right, and he'll put his arm around me while he's going. And I hate it. And I say, I go, Jay, don't. Please don't do that. And he goes, what's the matter? And I go, don't. And then he'll put his finger in my ear. That's not my finger. Bye-bye. So long. Well, what else? What else, Sienna? What else should we not... What should us guys not ignore? I don't know if I could go on. Persistent pain on one side of the abdomen. The guy is thinking, oh, I probably pulled a muscle, but it could be a kidney stone or a tumor, so you should have that checked out. Not a tumor. Not a tumor. When you're going to the bathroom, not the good kind. There's a really good kind. You know what you mean. That's a great way to put it. Okay.
There may be some fluid that goes in there with red. That's red. Hold you. My dad, listen. Now, I'm going to say this with a caveat. My dad presently has prostate cancer. But I remember years ago saying to my dad, hey, dad, I saw a little of this and that. And my dad goes, eh, it's happened to me before it goes away. Yeah. They say that. It could be a kidney stone or bladder cancer if the blood is in the urine, but colon cancer if blood is in your stools. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a pretty general rule of thumb. If you find that, you should go. Yeah. However, however, I will say this, that a lot of times, if you look, I looked it up online a lot of times, and I looked it up on WebMD. WebMD says that for men, a lot of times that's hemorrhoids. Yep. Yeah, if you wipe and then you see the blood when wiping, that's hemorrhoids. Yeah. All right. Trouble down below. You may think, oh, there's a pill for this. I'm just getting older. I can take care of it. It could be an early warning of cardiovascular disease. I just want you to know, Sienna. I don't have to worry about that one. I will never, ever, ever have to take that pill. Just don't. You know what? If this was a show.
that just broadcast to one person, me, you wouldn't even have to read that one. Because that one will never apply to me. In fact, my problem is the opposite without pills. We know, Jay. Oh boy. You silly sausage. There's just a couple more symptoms that... Men should not ignore. Go to the doctor if you have any of these. Daytime fatigue. You may be thinking, I just need to go to sleep earlier, get more sleep. But it could be obstructive sleep apnea, which Woods has. Yeah, I do. Constant grumpiness. You might be depressed. And frequent urination. You may think you're just drinking too much coffee or water, but it could be type 2 diabetes or an enlarged prostate. That's good stuff to know. Yellowish skin. Liver trouble. It could be liver trouble, yeah. Jaundice. Mm-hmm. And the last one, a new spot, like a molar, a freckle. It's my sister's name, by the way. Jaundice. Jaundice Asparta. Jaundice Florence. Yeah. Catchy. If you have a new spot, like a molar, a freckle. Jaundice. Jaundice. Oh, my gosh. Darn it. You're grounded. Jaundice. Jaundice Marie. Come on, Jay.
Get your moles and freckles checked out. I have the biggest mole on my back. You do? I've seen it. It's big. He needs to go to the doctor. Let's scrape it. Is it new? No. How long has that been there? A while. That looks like a keloid. It's the one, the type that pops out. It's like a little brain or something. If I wear, you can see it through my shirt. If you went to a dermatologist and cut that right off. You know, the positive thing about that is that it doesn't have color. If it's black or whatever, black moles, you've got to be careful. Yeah, those are the ones you have to look at. Oh, so I don't even have to do anything to this one then. I'm not a doctor, but those are not the ones. Why are you wearing a stethoscope? Why are you wearing scrubs? Just to look cool? Why are you wearing Garfield scrubs? Why do you have a Doogie Howser mask on? Oh, you're a dental tech. I like this show!
I was going to the doctor yesterday. They gave me a pair. I thought they were comfortable. Why do you have blue elastic hair nets around your shoes? Because I'm going to make food for the homeless after this. Fine. Why do you keep saying clear? Clear? And then putting paddles on my chest. Is that it? Practice. Oh, wow. Man. Whoa. Whoa. He's on one today. He is really on one. He makes himself laugh so much. He sniggles. If we're just quiet, you hear him laughing at his joke that he made about me. Dear Diary, my favorite comedian is Jay Isbell. My favorite actor, Jay Isbell. My favorite love guru, Jay Isbell. Firefighter, Jay Isbell. Signed, Jay Isbell. Signed me. The next day, Dear Diary. I still love me. Dear Diary, the day I looked in the mirror and said, God bless you. Why? Because I'm clearly blessed. Dear Diary, everyone still loves me. I expect this trend to continue the rest of my life. Dear Diary, still called The Mikey Show. For now. Not for long.
Winning. Dear diary, Kim is satisfied. Again. And again. Boom, boom, boom. Dear diary, I wish you could see me. But you're just a diary. Thank God you can't, because you'd want to make love to me. And I'm married. Dear diary, I will make love to you. Dear Dyer, it's so sad that you're just paper and binding. Sucks for you. It's on. Let's play buzzword. Come on. 7-0-194-9. Call us right now. You want to play buzzword? Jay's going to give us a buzzword, then he's going to give us some clues, and we have to shout it out. So you've got to pick a horse. Me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O. Moon? The champion. So good! He's so good!
570-1949. Dude, that's not Skeletor. That's Terminator's wife. Think you got something worth adding to the Mikey show? At 949mikey at gmail.com. That's all I wanted to have. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. I don't like how this is already beginning. Whoever said nothing in life is free obviously hasn't heard about the great offer from Cricket Wireless. Get a free Android-powered smartphone with no contract when you switch to Cricut and turn in a competitor's phone. With a brilliant touchscreen display, innovative camera camcorder, and cool Android apps, the Ascend is a truly smart smartphone absolutely free. Plus, it's yours now with our great smartphone rate of just $55 a month, including unlimited nationwide talk, text, web, and data. That means no overages, no hidden fees, and no contract. Because Cricut earns your loyalty instead of demanding it on the dotted line.
So take advantage of this limited-time offer at MyCricket.com or visit a store today. So smart, so Cricut. Requires new activation. Trading phone must be in working order and be assigned to the ported number. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. If you're with T-Mobile, you may be getting traded. Turn the tables, make a switch of your own to Cricut, and regain control of your wireless service with great rates, powerful smartphones, all with no contract. Gentlemen. Gentlemen, if you will be so kind as to take your seats, thank you. Okay, now take a look at these new Coors Light bottles and cans. As you can see, they have two bars on the label. This first bar tells you when your beer is cold. This second bar tells you when your beer is super cold. First bar? Cold! Second bar? Super cold! Okay. Questions? No? Good. You all just passed a bar exam. New super cold activation from Frost Brewed Coors Light. With two stages, now you'll know when your beer goes from cold to super cold. Yeah, you there in the back. Is there a question? Yeah, I think I'm ready for a refresher course. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. If you're going to drink, drink responsibly. Plan for a designated driver, because with great beer comes great responsibility. A reminder from Miller Coors.
Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Hey, everybody. This is LOB, and I have a Father's Day gift idea for you. It's right around the corner on June 19th. The Ovation Cell Therapy team of hair consultants is going to be out at the San Diego County Fair this year with this gigantic booth that they're going to set up in the Bing Crosby Hall. They're going to have a ton of Ovation hair care products, including the new Men's Max Pack, which is just in time for this Father's Day. It's a great gift idea for any dad in your life. Ovation works on all hair types, helping to grow thicker, longer, stronger, and healthier hair, guaranteed. So surprise your dad this Father's Day with a gift he's going to actually use, unlike the gift you gave him last year. Give him the new Men's Max Pack from Ovation and special Ovation Fair discount. Give dad the new Ovation Men's Max Pack for Father's Day and with the special Ovation Fair savings, you can get yourself.
The Ovation Cell Therapy System, too. Look at that, a little treat. So go out there to the San Diego County Fair, get yourself some deep fried food, and look for the Ovation booth at the Bing Crosby Hall. Every 6.4 minutes, a Lexus certified pre-owned car is sold. That's about how long it takes you to toss back your espresso macchiato. Why so fast? Because right now at our 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event, we're offering 1.9% APR financing on every certified pre-owned Lexus. All meticulously inspected, factory-backed, with a three-year, 100,000-mile warranty. So you know that special Lexus you've had your eye on? Well, better hurry. By the time you finish those 20 whole-grain macrobiotic rice cakes, it could be gone. The Lexus 60 to 0 certified pre-owned sales event. Now through August 1st. At your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. Sales claim based on total annual sales figures. 48 monthly payments of 2165 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required if qualified. Warranty is three years from your date of purchase or 100,000 total vehicle miles. See your certified pre-owned Lexus dealer for warranty. Details offer ends August 1st, 2011. I'm Samantha. I'm a fresh and easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer.
Not a celebrity. Saving money we pass on to you. I'm always looking for savings and wanting to eat healthy foods. I feel good about no artificial colors, no artificial flavors with the Fresh and Easy products. And it's high quality and it's also affordable. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Samantha. Now everyone can save on our new variety of Fresh and Easy great for sharing products. From beef sliders to potato skins, they're just $5.99 per pack. Welcome to REI. Can I help you? Hi, I'm going camping with my dad and we need... A Big Agnes King Creek tent. Yeah, and maybe a... GCI wilderness recliner? Totally. There's also a lake, so... REI San Juan water shorts. Here comes my dad. Quick, what's he getting me for my birthday? We know what you need because we know what you love. REI has the gear you want and the advice you need. To find great hikes and bike rides in your area or get a free kids adventure journal, visit your local REI store or REI.com. REI. Find out. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? No kidding. Well, hmm.
But in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy! Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon, built so you can rule the air. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4GLTE. Play Small Biz Perks and Paydays, the instant win game where you can win $25,000. Visit a participating UPS store location today for details. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited.
This report brought to you by Happily Divorced on TV Land. Don't miss TV Land's hilarious new sitcom starring Fran Drescher. Happily Divorced premiering after new episodes of Hot in Cleveland. It all starts tonight at 10 on TV Land. Looks like the 52 westbound at the 15, an accident over on the left shoulder. There's a couple guys walking around an ocean side on the 5 southbound of Cassidy Street. Smack dab in that center divider. Also a backup on the 8 westbound before Lake Murray Boulevard due to a sprinkler that's flooding the slow lane. blown-out sprinkler, and cars are pretty slow passing in that lane. This report also brought to you by British Airways. They now fly nonstop to London from San Diego. That means you're going to spend more time in London, less time waiting to get there. For schedules and fares, visit ba.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. If it isn't in high definition, I don't... I don't even want to see it. Lauren. So I'm cheap, and I went to YouTube instead of iTunes just to be able to listen to it. Woods. Without my mom and my wife, I'm a kite without a string, my friend. Sienna. I wish cat's tails would go down and not up. And Jay. I would rather dance than play baseball. On FM 94.9. Buzzword coming up in a second. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, just to give you an update on the fire happening in eastern Arizona and western New Mexico, the Wallow Fire. It scorched more than...
733 square miles. It's 20% contained right now as of last night. It means it's 80% not. Well, I know, but some residents like the area of Nutrioso, they're allowed to return home after 13 days of staying in campers, trailers. I mean, so at least there is some good news. People are able to go back home now. Also, there has been some confusion over the rules of sunscreen recently. And now... This is what you want to stick by. There's new regulations. SPF 15 is the least amount you want. Don't go under 15 or they're going to start putting warning labels on the sunscreen. Also, you want to get the sunscreen that says broad spectrum on it because not only is it looking out for the sun, it's also preventing you from the ultraviolet B rays, which cause sunburn and cancer. So we want to look for SPF 15. You wear sunscreen in woods every day? Spray on. Spray on sunscreen? Well, not every day. I wear... Something on my face that I use every day. Every day. You should put sunscreen on your face every day. I do. Yes. And so this new kind, the broad spectrum, prevents from ultraviolet A-rays too. So broad spectrum. Let me tell young men listening, if you're in your 20s right now and you're listening, or even in your 30s, it doesn't matter. Even if you're in your 40s, wear sunscreen every single day on your face and you'll look younger. Yeah. Now, this lady that teaches Jake, she said,
She was very surprised at my age. Now, every time that happens, my wife thinks that the person is saying that to make me feel better. She tells me. She goes, you know, you're a sweet kid. You're a sweet kid. Believe in that. But I'm telling you, I put stuff on my face every day. I don't have a lot going on. I look like a saddlebag. I don't think you look like a saddlebag. But every guy... should put some high-potency vitamin C serum on their face and sunscreen. If you did that every single day, you'll look younger when you're older. Absolutely. In the grocery store down the aisle, they have moisturizer with sunscreen every morning just in your face. Five bucks, ten bucks. You look younger. Yeah, I use the Neutrogena. Yeah. Skin cancer. You need to prevent the skin cancer. Yeah, yeah. Well, for me, see, I don't worry about the skin cancer as much because my pigmentation is a Mexican. Right. What are you going to do? You, L.O.B., you gotta be slathering that stuff. My wife, slather it. If you're a white girl, slather it. You're a white dude, you got red hair and red eyelashes and red eyebrows, like the guy that gave me a massage the very first time. Thought I was gay for sure. Looked at me like, oh, look at this little gay Mexican. This little dude. Then touched my body.
And then he wrote this song about me. I will hunt you down Cause baby I'm up in my business Like when the interview But this is private Between I Touch my body Put me on the floor Bless me around Play with some more Touch my body Throw me on the back I just wanna make you feel like you'll never be Touch my body Bring me to my thighs All around your waist Just a little taste Touch my body Know you love my cup?
Come on and give me what I deserve. If you're just tuning in, this is Mariah Carey's Touch My Bottom. You got it that time. If I were his producer, I would have said... Hey, Brad. I want to try it again, but this time... I really want you to try to enunciate the words more. Because I think there may be some people that are with an asbestos flagging. Camel up a hill.
And Gong Lee with me. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the NHL season comes to a close tonight. It's the Boston Bruins and the Vancouver Canucks in Vancouver. Series is obviously tied 3-3. It is game seven. Boston won the last game 5-2. And this was a pretty interesting story out of Dallas. Mark Cuban has come out and said he's the owner of the Mavericks. He's like, I'm going to buck the trends. I'm not going to buy rings for my players. I'm going to try something else. Which is weird because that's what you play for, the ring. Yeah. And he's like, no, I'm going to try something else. But he hasn't said what. And Jason Terry, their point guard, has said, absolutely not. No, we want the ring. I'll buy the rings if I have to. I'm buying us rings. And how about this, Mark? Do whatever you want. Just give us the rings, too. Right. Absolutely. It's a really nice thought. You want to buy us a pendant? Buy us a pendant. Great. But I want the ring. Is it a pen? That's why I play. Sweet. I don't care if you want to get us a Bentley. Right. We just play for the ring. Play for the ring. I would say to him, Greg, let's try that take one more time. I want to see what you sound like an octave down. That's good, but I still feel like we're not in your natural range. And that's where I want to get. What do you mean? I mean, what I'm hearing is more of a falsetto thing. Like I'm hearing you go.
And what I'd like is more of a touch my body, leave me on the floor. Can you try that? Isolate. You want me to try again? Yes, please, Greg. Touch my body. It's too high. On the floor. It's too high. Down. Down a little bit. Touch my body. Oh. Sound that great. Let me on the car. That's too much. Much better. Call it a day. Let's play buzzword 5701949. What's the word? Today we're playing for brunch for two at Vigalucci's. There you go. All right, let's pick.
A horse. M1 Rick from Escondido. Who do you want? I would take Wood. There you go. Good choice. M1 Chris from Claremont. Who do you want? Of course, she's the winner today. She's going to win the game. She wins every week. She's good. She's so good. You're like the Yankees. M1 Denise from San Diego. Who do you want? Sienna is the winner. There you go. Hang on. Yeah, she's going to win. That's what my grandma always says. M1 Sean. Sean from San Diego. You got me, okay? Perfect. Hang on. All right. What's a word? Come on. Hey. Today's word. Hurry. Is butter. B-U-T-T-E-R. He's going to give us clues and they will contain the word butter. Here we go. Thanksgiving bird brand. Butterball. Of course the woods would know that. Peanut shaped sandwich cookie. Peanut butter. Buttercrackers. Nutter butter. Nutter butter. Nutter butter. Woods. What about Nutter Butter? All right. There's an unfair advantage here. Lauren just repeated what I said. Don't get it, but all right. Slather it on the skin. Butter up. Butter yourself up. Butter it up. Put it on as thick as butter. It's thick as butter. Slather it on your skin. You're buttering yourself. Grease yourself up on butter. I think Lauren got that one first. No! I was right!
Mikey was just still screaming. I know. Butter yourself up. Butter yourself up. I refuse to accept that this is margarine. It's like a three-way. Is it? I hate this already. It's already unfair. Hold on. Former caterpillar. What? Thank you. What was it? Butterfly. Butterfly. I am awful at this. I cannot do this. Here we go. Sour dairy drink. Butter milk. Who said butter milk? Is that Mike? Of course Mike knows. Butter milk. You drink it out of a thermos every day. When you have a surgery, that's what puts you in your IV. That was gravy. All right. Candy bar in a yellow... Butter finger!
I guess it was Woods. You guys all screamed at the same time. Was it Mikey or Woods? I think it was a tie between me and Mike. No, it was Woods. Stupidest of the game. I hate it. Ice cream topping. Buttered. Butter scotch. Lauren. Now Lauren's getting it. Now I can hear you. How dare you. There's one saying in my head I can't get out. Butter face. Fergie. Jelly's sandwich. Peanut butter. Partner, yes. Dang it. Score, score. What's the score? Mike, two. Woods and Lauren, four. Me, one. All right. Got a new word. What is it? What is it? The new word is monkey. M-O-N-K-E-Y. All right, go. Monkey, monkey. Mechanic. Monkey. Grease monkey. Grease monkey. Grease monkey is it. Did you say monkey right? Yeah. It just came out. A playground. Monkey wars. I'm glad you guys point.
A disruption. Monkey around! Monkey business! Or a toolbox item. Monkey ranch! How many more? I'm humiliated. There's three more. A pet too small to pet. Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! Tiny monkey! They used to sell them in the back of magazines. Tiny monkey, tiny monkey, tiny monkey. A small little monkey. Tiny monkey. Tiny monkey times three. Tiny monkey, tiny monkey. It helps. That's my new bit. All around the mulberry bush. The monkey chase a weasel. There you go, Sandra. Wow. Wow. Score. Mikey two, Lauren six, Wood six, me three. Okay. Tense. I think this is for all the guava beans. How many is it for? 16. This is a 16-point question. I love it. I can win. 16. Go, Mike. Here we go. Goof off. Mikey. Yes! Fake win. Fake win. Fake win. Fake win. Fake win. Fake win. Fake win. Good job, Mike. Yeah, good job. Yeah, great job. Guys, I just want to thank, you know...
I just want to thank my family and everybody who came here today. And just thank you. Thank all the listeners you cheated. By getting it right, that was the rules. Yep, that's the rules. Uh-huh. Thank you. 16. Just be happy. And he didn't even say it first. Said it. Good job, Mike. Good job, Mike. Thanks, guys. Great work. Thank you. Good job, Woods. You were actually the real one. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Feels really good. Thank you. M1, Sean from San Diego. What's going on? I would have picked you anyways, Mike, even though I was last to pick. Thank you, bro. You would have lost. I'm the worst player ever and just won you something. LeBron James over there. Hang on. I dare you. Why don't you pick up a hamburger? what that means. Why is it the most competitive game we've ever played? We play buzzword and I swear one day L.O.B.'s going to punch Woods right in the face. Right in the back of the head. Like they play. But I'm honest. I point if people win. He is honest. Are you? Aren't I? Are you? Sometimes. I know Old Man River can't see in here. You're honest as long as you didn't yell out. Pepperidge Farm guys, you can't see that far? Pepperidge Farm.
If it's not given to you, have you ever said the words, is it? No. Never once. Always. When I win, legitimately. I have a sore throat. I have a headache. Me too. It's a bathroom donut I ate. I'm exhausted now. Okay, so here's what I got. Listen to this. This is a e-mailer that we got from M1 Toast. It says, Mikey, I asked my son who just... turned 18 to get a job for the summer. And I pressured him for a while. He finally did, and he's a host, host all in caps, at a restaurant. Kind of girly, don't you think? Okay, so let me get this straight. You tell your son to get a job for the summer. And he does, and now you're critiquing the job? Like, you are effectively that dad.
You're the dad that can't make the... You're the dad that the kid can't make happy. Why are you looking at me that way, Sienna? Is it girly? Yeah. What? How often do you walk into a restaurant and say, Hi, how are you? How many at your party? Well, if the guy says it like... Hi, how are you? How many at your party? I wouldn't think it was weird if there was a guy saying, Hey, how you doing? Do you need a kids menu? I would think he's like a manager filling in. I wouldn't think he's like a host. You know what I mean? If it's a dude up there, I think she's right. Isn't that sexist? It's usually girls. It is. And, you know, I wouldn't be like, what a loser. It's a guy host. But you would be like, oh, okay. That's weird. Do you guys feel that way about a nurse? Well, yeah. You do? What? More so a nurse than a host. See? That's what I would think. I would. Hey, seriously. Sorry to all the male nurses. I know. Hey, listen. You guys are crazy. What a hard. Ass job. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're not talking about the physicality or how difficult it is or any of that. All we're talking about is this guy wrote us and said that don't we think it's girly that his son's a host? No. It's a little girly. I don't think so. It is, but hey, the bottom line is you said get a job. Guy got a job feast. I think that the word nurse, nurse, is feminine.
I think that when it's a guy, they should have a different name for it. I agree with that. 100%. He should be called a noice. Just call him an RN. A nurse. A nurse. A nurse. That's a man purse. Oh, shoot. He should be called a doing. You're an RN. That's a wiener. A girse. A guy nurse. A girse. That's a gay nurse. Oh, shoot. All right. Dude, sir. A nurse. A nurse. A nurse. A nurse. A nurse. A nurse. Dude, nurse. No, you got to take nurse out of it all together. It's going to be a whole new word. I agree. But see, I mean, how come people don't say that about a guy that's a nurse, but they say it about a dude that's a host? Oh, I think they do say that about guys that are nurses. I'm sure they catch some heat. I would never bat an eye if I walked in and it was a guy that was doing that job. Oh, a host? Yeah, because I thought it was the same. There's host and there's hostess. And I didn't think that was a girly job. On Meet the Parents? Gaylord? Gaylord was a nurse. That was weird. Okay, but okay, I give that one to you. But host and hostess? I thought that there's host and hostess. Well, like when you're throwing a party, not like in a restaurant. I know you like hostess. Ding-dongs, Twinkies, brownies. This is what I picture of this kid. I picture this 18-year-old kid is six feet tall, that he weighs 144 pounds. He's got blonde hair.
His thumb is swollen because of Nintendo. Is that wrong? His hair is still wet, shaggy over his head when he gets to work. Just got out of the surf. He just got out of the surf and he just... You know what? I know this is going to bum a lot of people out. This is what I would say to him as his dad. Stop picking your face. You're making it worse. You're making it worse. I don't think they'd hire him as a host if he had a pimply face. I bet he's a good-looking kid. They're like, that's the guy I want to put at the front door welcoming people in. I bet he's a sharp dresser. He likes to get dressed up. I just thought about it. One of my best friends was a host in high school. Sharp dude. Yeah. Real sharp dude. They put the hot girls. You know where they put me? Yeah. Kitchen. Yep. Me too. Washing dishes. They were like...
Do you know where the kitchen is? La cocina. No, I do. And I don't speak Spanish. I don't speak Spanish. Oh, my bad. Sorry about that. I just, I took one look at you and assumed. Dishwasher. Busboy. Busboy. The shrubs that don't need water need to be misted. There's a spray bottle by the sink. Necesitan agua. No, I'm here for lunch with my brother. Oh. My bad. Someone wanted to be seated, actually. I'm not playing. I'm not. We have someone that looks like you that comes and does the gardening. Yeah, I've gotten that before. I'm just here for all-you-can-eat buffet. How many in your party? Two. Two.
I really like that Tommy Bahama shirt you're wearing. Oh, yeah, it's sharp. It isn't a Tommy Bahama shirt. Is that a new line or something? It says Hurley on it, ma'am. No. Yes, it does. What's with the palm tree? Look again, it says Hurley. Hurley doesn't make palm tree shirts. Why is there a pina colada on the back of it? Did you bring your own pina colada with you? We don't allow that, sir. We don't allow outside pina coladas in here. You want one, you got to order it from the menu, okay? You monstrous. You have to put a shirt on. You can't just wear a coconut brown grass shirt, okay? You're not in the Bahamas, pal, all right? This isn't Margaritaville. Are we going to scavenger hunt for a lost sake shaker assault, pal? Get out of here. The parrot on your head has to stay outside. How did this happen? What happened? It's 5 o'clock somewhere, I guess. I'm doing that deal. 570-1949. M1 Moose from Carlsbad's hanging on the line to talk about his opinion of the male host. The most. The most. You call us the tallest, dude. Sunshine has a temper sometimes, but he's not all bad. Mikey. Text him. He's a real beef castle. 949mikey at gmail.com. What? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Commit this phone number to memory, will ya? 877-only-ATT.
Or if you are at work right now and you can get near a computer, go to att.com slash TV. We want you to check out U-verse for a limited time. Get it for $29 a month. Six months, that includes a DVR. Now, a lot of times you'll have shows that you'll want to schedule for your DVR. You forget, if you have AT&T U-verse, the cool thing is that you get to do it from somewhere else. You don't have to get frustrated. You can record up to four shows at once on a single DVR. And if you have access to the internet, you can manage your DVR recordings from anywhere. Pretty good. Pretty cool. Comes in handy. So if you're interested, 877-ONLY-ATT or AT&T.com slash TV.
Geographic and service restrictions apply. Price for You Family TV. New customers only. After promotional period, standard rates apply. Taxes and other charges apply. Total home DVR requires extra receivers at additional charge. Offer ends 7-16-11. Access to HD at additional cost. Keep your vehicle running right on a budget that's tight when you shop the dollar-stretching deal sale at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Stop in today and find big savings on convenient gallon sizes of motor oil from top-name brands like Pennzoil, Mobile One, and Valvoline. Changing your motor oil is the single most important thing you can do for your car or truck, and purchasing it by the gallon makes the job quick and easy. Whether you use hard-working conventional... reliable high mileage, or even high-performance full synthetic motor oil, you'll find top brands like Valvoline, Pennzoil, and Mobile One Gallons on sale now at O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. If you thought you couldn't afford to keep your vehicle at peak performance, think again. Stretch your dollar and save while supplies last. O'Reilly Cragen Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details. The president and founder of Mercedes-Benz of Escondido.
Angelo De Monte. If you're ready for a new car, today is the day to come to Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. For as low as $349 a month, you can be driving a brand new Mercedes-Benz. My grandfather always said it only costs a little bit more to get the best. Well, you know what? Now you can have the best for $349 a month. That's less than many other makes or models that are not in the class of a Mercedes-Benz. There are fine automobiles out there. They are not Mercedes-Benz. For $349 a month, you can be driving the best today at Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. People locally and all over Southern California come to Mercedes-Benz of Escondido not only for the price, but for the quality of treatment that they receive. The relationships are what it's all about. Based on a 33-month lease, customer down payment $27.50 plus dealer document fee, taxes and license. Hey everybody, this is LOB and I have a Father's Day gift idea for you. It's right around the corner on June 19th. The Ovation Cell Therapy team of hair consultants is going to be out at the San Diego County Fair this year with this gigantic booth that they're going to set up in the Bing Crosby Hall. They're going to have a ton of Ovation hair care products, including the new Men's Max Pack, which is just in time for this Father's Day. It's a great gift idea for any dad in your life. Ovation works on all hair types, helping to grow thicker, longer, stronger, and healthier hair, guaranteed.
So surprise your dad this Father's Day with a gift he's going to actually use, unlike the gift you gave him last year. Give him the new Men's Max Pack from Ovation and receive a special Ovation Fair discount. Give dad the new Ovation Men's Max Pack for Father's Day and with the special Ovation Fair savings, you can get yourself. The Ovation Cell Therapy System, too. Look at that, a little treat. So go out there to the San Diego County Fair, get yourself some deep fried food, and look for the Ovation booth at the Bing Crosby Hall. Well, we've completely run out of Father's Day gift ideas for your dad. You're overthinking it, Mom. Dad likes data. Data? I'm confused. He likes data. Think about it. He's always on his smartphone. He's the king of Twitter. He loves watching YouTube videos, catching sports highlights, and sending tons of emails. He's got like a million friends on Facebook. This I know. Yep. Daddy's all about data. Lucky for us, T-Mobile is offering a year of data free. It happens this Saturday, June 18th, for one day only. Free data for your dad. For a year. Now you're on to something, Mom. It's $120 in savings when we sign up for a qualifying unlimited plan. So it's a Father's Day deal the day before Father's Day. That's smart. Yeah, you could call it Free Data for Daddy Day.
This Saturday, June 18th, celebrate free data for Daddy and get a year of data free. It's $120 savings when you sign up for a qualifying unlimited talk, text, and data plan. T-Mobile. Get $10 off per month for one year with new activation on a $69.99 unlimited talk, text, and web plan with a two-year contract. Data speed slowed after 200 megabytes. Taxes and fees additional. What does Dad want for Father's Day? A new tie? Cologne? We think not. The perfect gifts for Dad are at Sports Chalet. With so much to choose from, let our gift-giving experts help you find exactly what Dad will love. No matter what Dad's into, Sports Chalet is your one-stop to shop for Father's Day. And don't forget, everything you need to make this summer the most fun ever is in stock now at Sports Chalet. Okay, honey, I booked a great hotel on Expedia, and we got a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card. $50? Woo-hoo! See if the neighbors can beat that. Boxing gas. How you like me now, Henderson? Yeah, well, mow your lawn. Oh, you should, hon. Get a $50 prepaid MasterCard gas card when you book with your MasterCard during Expedia's My Summer is Better Than Your Summer Sale. Where you book matters. Expedia. Minimum stay required and subject to availability. Book by July 4th. Travel by August 31st. Terms and restrictions apply. See site for full details. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I wouldn't like it. I'm not very attractive. Lauren. When I was in college, that was like my M.O.
I would get drunk and steal random stuff. Woods. Oh, I want filth. I want straight filth, as filthy as it can get. Sienna. Mine are always crying. I'm a crier. And Jay. I have a pond. I built a pond in my yard. On FM 94.9. Ever do that? Yes. You do. I already played Kings and Leon, right? Yes, you did. CreateYourDesignOnline.com. It's our friend Jared's... That's his website, and he's actually done some new placards for us to sign. Yay. Nice. We go out to do some appearances, M1 Nation. I don't look like a cholo anymore. You do not. Perfect. You won't write over your face anymore. Yes. Which would be a good thing. Now, I'll avoid my face. Oh, well. That's a good, decent picture of me. Yeah. First one ever. We were talking about, is it girly?
for a guy to be a host at a restaurant? Because dad wrote us and said, M1 Toast said, Mikey, I asked my son who just turned 18 to get a job for the summer and I pressured him for a while. He finally did and he's a host at a restaurant. Kind of girly, don't you think? That's what he says. M1 Derek from Oceanside is a host. Is that right, Derek? Girly, I've been a host since I was 19 years old and I'm 26 now. You know what? No one ever runs by me and tries to get out the door. There you go. Hello, Bree. Are you an African-American man? I am an African-American man. Say what up, black people. L.O.B. is staring at her microphone like it's a pork chop. She's licking her lips. She's licking her lips and imagining that she was running her fingers through your hair.
I do have long hair. There you go. There you go, Derek. She's just making me want it. Hey, listen, Derek. Here's the thing. A guy like you sounds pretty manly. Yeah. So you're not going to have a problem being anything. No. You could be a stewardess in a dress. And people would be like, that dude's sharp. How tall are you? How much is he weighing? Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. How cut are your abs? My abs? Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That was me. I was just... How tall are you? Oh, wow. All right, Derek. Thank you for the call. LOB wants to know how tall you are. I just wanted the picture painted to see how manly he was. Still 5'11", 6 feet with shoes. There you go. There you go. Thank you for the call, Derek. All right. Thanks for your time. Sounds hot. M1, Sean from San Diego. Hey, good morning, guys. How you doing? Good. The way I see it, my dad asked a kid to get a job. He's 18 years old. gets a job as a host at a restaurant, he's probably going to meet a lot of chicks, especially when they work at the restaurant. Hey, it's interesting, Sean. Sean, it's interesting that you say that. And the reason that I say that it's interesting that you say that is because our friend Woods, he actually worked at a homosexual bar. Gay. Gay bar. He worked at a gay bar.
Woods worked at a gay bar at Woodsy. It was gay-friendly. Woodsy. Yes. Remember that time that you worked at the gay bar called the Mashed Potato Club? Yes. Do you remember when you worked at that club that was gay-friendly and you got hit on all the time? Yes. You remember that? Yes. You silly sausage. Do you remember that time in college that you worked at a gay-friendly bar? Yes. And guys would hit on you when they were ordering their drinks. And you would make a lot of money and tips. Yes. Remember that? Hey, Woods. Like it was yesterday. Do you remember when you won that body shot contest when you were working at the gay bar? That never happened. As I said, the first one's free, the next one goes in your mouth. Hey, Woods. Yes. Do you remember that time that you worked at the Mashed Potato Club, the gay-friendly bar in Chicago? Yes. And you were...
deep tongue kissing that guy. Don't recall that. Do you remember when you served the Woods special and it was an espresso martini? No, I did make a chocolate martini. That's me. I love it. Gonna put the hot dog in the bun. Hey Woods. Yes. Do you remember when you worked at the mashed potato and it was wiener Wednesday and you would serve all those hot dogs? Have you seen my wiener? I remember that. Woodsie. Woodsie. Woodsie. Do you remember when you worked at the gay-friendly bar in Chicago called the Mashed Potato Club, and on Pickle Fridays, everybody that was there before 4 o'clock in the afternoon for happy hour got a free pickle? No. You don't remember that? Nope. So long ago. Yeah, it was a while ago. It was. Do you remember when you worked at that gay bar called the Mashed Potato Club, and they had Popsicle Fridays?
and you would serve them. You'd have five in your hand at once. No, I don't remember that. I don't remember that at all. Do you remember that one time that you worked in Chicago and I think you worked at a gay bar called the Mashed Potato Club. It's gay and lesbian friendly. Gay and lesbian friendly club called the Mashed Potato Club? Yes. Do you remember? Yes. Do you remember that they used to have a TV show Alice-themed night called Eat My Grits? No, I don't remember that night. You don't remember that night? Yeah, and everybody that came dressed as Mel or Alice or Tommy or that telephone guy, the telephone repairman, they would get a free drink if they got there by five. You don't remember that? They would. Yo.
Do you remember when you worked, it was when you lived in Chicago, and you worked at that bar, it was called the Mashed Potato Club? Yes, I remember that. And you got really drunk, and everyone convinced you to get a rainbow tattoo on your butt cheek? I don't remember that. Do you remember when you worked at the Mashed Potato Club, and every Friday night you guys would play bobbing for corn dogs? Because there's shakers in your hands, boys. Get them, boys, get them. Yep, yep, yep. Over the shoulder. Keep going, boys. Shake it, shake it. Keep your head down. Shake it, boys. Remember to breathe. You're ridiculous. Am I? Hallelujah. A whole bunch of you. My goodness gracious. Never made so much dough in my life. I bet. You rascal. You rascal. When we come back, we're going to tell you the average age people let themselves go. Showdown. Bye, gorgeous. Good job. Here's traffic. Excellent job. Huh?
Well, we've completely run out of Father's Day gift ideas for your dad. You're overthinking it, Mom. Dad likes data. Data? I'm confused. He likes data. Think about it. He's always on his smartphone. He's the king of Twitter. He loves watching YouTube videos, catching sports highlights, and sending tons of emails. He's got like a million friends on Facebook. This I know. Yep. Daddy's all about data. Lucky for us, T-Mobile is offering a year of data free. It happens this Saturday, June 18th, for one day only. Free data for your dad. For a year. Now you're on to something, Mom. It's $120 in savings when we sign up for a qualifying unlimited plan. So it's a Father's Day deal the day before Father's Day. That's smart. Yeah, you could call it Free Data for Daddy Day. This Saturday, June 18th, celebrate Free Data for Daddy and get a year of data free. It's $120 savings when you sign up for a qualifying unlimited talk, text, and data plan. T-Mobile. Get $10 off per month for one year with new activation on a $69.99 unlimited talk, text, and web plan with a two-year contract. Data speed slowed after 200 megabytes. Taxes and fees additional. When he holds a shell up to his ear, he hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance.
He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates, and it is glorious. Most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my friend. I'm test driving a BMW 3 Series today so I can see how it stacks up. And so far, what is up with this guy next to me? Oh, yeah. Getting a sideways look. There's the old subtle chin tilt. Oh, and there it is. He wants to race me. No, no thank you. And it would be no contest. He must not know that the 3 Series is faster and more powerful than its rivals from Audi and Mercedes. And don't ask me how.
It's more fuel efficient than ever. He's really not getting the message. No, thank you. When you're the ultimate driving machine, great power comes with great responsibility. So, test drive a 3 Series as responsibly as you can at your local BMW center today. For a limited time, lease the BMW 328i sedan for $339 a month. Visit SDCountyBMW.com slash finance for details. October 17th, Viejas Arena. Special guest. Cage the Elephant and Mariachi El Bronx. It's on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. Buy tickets at LiveNation.com, Ticketmaster, or call 800-745-3000. Blue Fighters. Available now. Prepare for an adventurous career by earning a professional certificate in marine technology from National University Polytechnic Institute. Available specializations include advanced dive medicine and underwater inspection technology.
Classroom courses and hands-on training are held at our convenient San Diego campus. National University Polytechnic Institute provides assistance with job placement. Financial aid is available for those who qualify. Learn more at nupolytech.org. nupolytech.org. Go epic on three new coasters at Six Flags. Go 100 miles an hour backwards on Superman Escape from Krypton. Heather on the all-new Roadrunner Express coaster. Go head over heels on the new vertical spin coaster, opening July 1st. Save $25 on admission with any can of Coke or at SixFlags.com. Go Six Flags Magic Mode. I'm Jeanette. And George. We're Fresh and Easy neighborhood market customers. This message is by real customers, not celebrities. Saving money we pass on to you. We're Fresh and Easy all the way. You have great fresh products. You save money. I think the integrity of Fresh and Easy is absolutely wonderful.
Because you have all the prepared stuff that doesn't have a whole lot of preservatives. So it just tastes a lot better. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Jeanette and George. Now we can offer our fully cooked and marinated pork baby back ribs with smoky barbecue sauce. Enjoy a 16-ounce pack for just $3.99. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? Uh, no kidding. Well, hmm, but in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy! Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon, built so you can rule the air. Early termination and other fees apply. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE.
Because of how conservative I am. Lauren. Yeah, you call me thrifty. I call me smart. Cheap. Woods. I was kind of the class clown in high school, if you guys can imagine. Zienna. My biggest pet peeve is when people go... When they chill. Ah, it drives me nuts. And Jay. I'm a soul aficionado. On FM 94.9. A couple of the guys from Switchfoot will be in the studio on Friday. Bro-am coming up. Bad. They got a new album coming out. Playing the fair this year. A lot of Switchfoot going on. Good dudes. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Fugazi. You're it. Repeater. I think John Foreman has one of the most iconic rock and roll voices of the last few decades. I mean, it's all him. There's no, like, John Foreman's doing this. It's John Foreman.
His solo stuff is so good. It is. It's pretty. The season stuff. Yeah, it's so pretty. This music was so inspirational to me when we were designing this new show. This song in particular, about picking yourself up and doing, you know. God is so good. Thought that in the hallway today. Walked out in the hallway to go pee. I'm going to take a guess at this. The average age when people let themselves go, 33. No. I'm going to say 30. No. I'm thinking a guy, 28. Is it different for men or women or is it across the board? Just across the board. 41. Can't be that old. Is it 41? You made this number up. Lauren is dead right. You're making up numbers now. It used to be lists. Now you're making up numbers.
People let themselves go at my exact age. Yeah. It's a new survey that came out, and they said, yeah, the age of 41 is when they, quote, let themselves go. People start eating more. Their metabolism slowed down to the point where they really can't get away with stuff, and they exercise less. They just stop caring. Way to be ahead of the curve. Just ignore it, Mike. It's okay. It's in my head. It's okay. Just ignore it. Why can't you turn 41 at 21? I've been 41 for seven years. Gristle Esparza. Gristle. You've been 41 twice, huh? How much you weigh? 41 times 41. I've let myself go way earlier than 41. I want to say to my personal trainer, Wendy. Just get. She'll say, excuse me, who's? Yeah. She'll go, who? Mark who? Mark Espinosa? Mike Esparza. Mike Esperanza. Esparza. Remember?
We worked out together. We're friends. You look vaguely familiar. I used to be a lot. I used to be thinner. Oh, I can tell in the eyes. The voice. You recognize the voice, you know. Yeah, more the eyes. Well, anyway, the reason that I came here was to tell you that I've decided that I'm going to... Put it on a rest for a while. I'll revisit it. But you'd have to be doing it to put it on a rest. Revisit or visit for the first time? Well, but you used to train me so it wouldn't make sense for me to visit it because we used to train together and so you know that. You know that we'd train together. You want to take another rest? The first one was... Another one? Yeah. You know, just a time off. From what?
You know what? Just a break where I just get my thoughts together. A break just implies that you are doing something, though. A break from what? A break from having to cancel our meetings. I don't want to work out anymore. We weren't really. Have you only been once? Can we get Wendy on the phone? Can we? I love it. Have you only been the one time? Can I break up with Wendy on the air? No, you can't. That's way more comfortable. Way more comfortable. You dial her. Way more comfortable. You dial her. Don't do it. Because Jay won't do it. I ain't going to subscribe to you getting fatter, Mike. I'm not going to help you. Mike. I'm not going to help you kill yourself. Really. Listen, Mike, you're going to fat yourself to death before. All right, Jay, I won't. You don't want to see your kids grow up? Oh. Really? So you're just going to let yourself go? Oh, gosh. I hope that bacon was worth it, Mike. So in high school when they're graduating. People don't have their dad. Jay is the health police. He's so... Except he eats candy back all day long. Yeah, he's back there sucking down biscuits and gravy like he's going out of style. Can you just not wait for his metabolism to change? Oh, really? Please let it change. Has it? It's changed my entire life. It continues to change. I just don't sit around watching four hours of movies. That was a dig at you, Woods. I know it was.
I don't go home and curl up with a laptop on my crotch. That was a dig at you, Mike. I got it, L.O.B. I understood. Loud and clear. Who it was directed at. Are we calling Wendy's? Yes. You are. I'm not going to cancel. Did you mistakenly call Wendy's, Fanny? Wrong Wendy in your phone book. You're calling Wendy's? Yeah. No. You're going to make an order? Can we go to Wendy's on our way? Where we're going? Woods. I'll get a chicken salad. If by Wendy's you mean the trainer's house. Yeah. No. She is five foot one of just getting me. She's sinew. Oh, dude. She's so in shape. It's scary. Like, she is just shredding. Yeah. It was about two months ago you said you were going to go back to her, right? You were ready? It went back. How many times? Once. You've only been once. What happened? Twice. Twice. Twice?
Things happened. I got diarrhea. Isolate. You can't stop. Isolate. I wasn't ready for that. Happened. No. And it lasted. Okay. It did last a while. It was, you know, lasted. But you, I mean, you were on the air for four hours straight. You seemed to be all right. Well, you had to fight through it. I fought through it. You know what? I mean, I've got a job. I got to put food on the table. Yeah. Sitting here talking is different than doing squats. Right. True. True. Give you that one. And so, you know, it was different. A couple other things came up. Yeah, other things came up too. McDonald's came up, Wendy's came up, Burger King, Taco Bell. We had some one-on-ones we had to do. Yeah. Every day. I didn't manage to work out. Me too. Look at this picture that I found. It made me so depressed. I was 50 pounds lighter. Is that right? Really?
50. Holy cow! I was 50 pounds. Well, dude, you know it works then. Wait, that's 50 pounds lighter? Yeah, Santa's like, it looks 10 pounds. No! You're a gordo there, too. No, you're not. I don't think that you've gained 50 pounds. That seems dramatic. You don't look like you've gained 50 pounds. It's a picture of him and... And Jake, and he looks really slim. He looks sharp. Svelte. He looks svelte. And your face, you can see it in your face. Well, you know, now, Mike, it's like your face. It's a cherub. You're like a cherub. Like a little winged cherub that, you know, flutters around and then just sort of. We can't say anything right. Mike, it's, okay. Imagine that your face was going to later be used to make a pizza with. And it had to rise. Right. Or like a tire. Like a big tire. More like an advertisement for Love Sack. It's almost as if I can see the Twinkies in your cheeks. Right. Well, Mike, you're familiar with the Michelin Man. Right. He's made of tires. Does it say Goodyear on your side? Pillsbury Doughboy. Remember the guy in the Ghostbusters movie? Yeah. The Kool-Aid guy? Hey, Kool-Aid! Mike, it's like, imagine you...
running through a brick wall going, oh yeah! Remake of Fat Albert? No, you just see it. I got a million of them. First place mine goes. Hey, hey, hey. It's Mike. Mike, it ain't your fault. We're not all born with perfect DNA. Like me. I'd give you some if I could. Listen. No, he wouldn't. In 200 years when I die, Scientists will cut me open and look at me under a microscope. And all they're going to see is muscle. Lean muscle. Lean muscle. I'm like a deer. A strong deer. By the way, if my beautiful wife Kim is listening, you're welcome. Oh my gosh, Jay. Again. And again. And again. And again. I don't mean to brag.
Don't I? Okay. Truth be known, my pure intention is to brag. Woo! Hell, what do you got coming up? Good. She thinks that she hurt your feelings, Mike. You didn't. No, no. This is my bit. All right. There it is. I grabbed the new Fleet Foxes record, which I can't stop listening to when I'm not here. And the Naked and Famous, some Foo Fighters, Strokes. And also, I'm going to play a new song from a band who said the song in particular was inspired by listening to The Cure's disintegration over and over and over. The song or the album? The song. The song that I'm going to play. It's new. It's one of our recommended albums. And the guy listened to The Cure over again. Over and over and over. You know the band, the Naked and Famous, were named after me. Of course they were. All right. Of course they were. Naked and famous. Mike, if it was Naked and Puffy, they'd be named after you. Lovely and talented Hillary up next. We'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. The Mikey Show's out. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. KBZ. San Diego. A Lincoln Financial radio station. The music all day.