The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 06/28/11
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
political corruptionDodgers bankruptcyAmerican Idolrelationships and fidelityCasey Anthony trialradio comedylistener advicepet DNAconcert giveawayrunning jokesmikey showblagojevich
Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna and Jay moved between major stories and recurring comedy, including Rod Blagojevich's conviction, the Dodgers' bankruptcy, the Casey Anthony defense theory and Lauren's sharp argument that Woods was as dependent on talent and luck as the American Idol singers he mocked. Mikey framed Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux's relationship as evidence that love is a choice, while the group argued over whether caller John should ask out his former nurse and whether changing his voice would be confidence or fakery. The show's signature bits included Jay's collapsing accents in Imagations, Keith Richards confirming that he took his parents to A Clockwork Orange, and the debate over DNA-based 'Poo Prints.' Mikey also announced daily Live in July studio audiences, Amy won Jeff Bridges tickets and teased the hosts about a ride to Phoenix, and the crew closed by retelling the origin and endless afterlife of Mikey's Tommy Bahama nickname.
What happened, in order
Blagojevich Convicted
The hosts recap Rod Blagojevich's conviction on 17 charges, play his stunned response, and ridicule his claim that recorded talk of selling Barack Obama's Senate seat was merely brainstorming.
Dodgers in Bankruptcy
Woods explains that Frank McCourt's divorce and rejected television deal pushed the Dodgers into Chapter 11, while the crew worries that a Mark Cuban purchase could turn their rival into a winner.
Woods Is an Idol
After Woods dismisses American Idol contestants as lucky rather than deserving, Lauren O'Brien points out that his own radio career also required talent plus a lucky break, leaving the room to declare him an American Ido
Love Is a Choice
Jennifer Aniston's relationship with Justin Theroux prompts Mikey to argue that people do not simply fall in love, but choose to keep pursuing the early 'bubblies' instead of protecting an existing relationship.
The Roy Kronk Theory
The crew examines the Casey Anthony defense theory that meter reader Roy Kronk delayed reporting Caylee Anthony's body for reward money and debates whether that allegation could create reasonable doubt.
Grandparents at Clockwork Orange
Sienna's father, Keith Richards, calls in and confirms that he knowingly took his parents to A Clockwork Orange after seeing it several times, only to watch them walk out within minutes.
Live in July
Mikey announces Live in July, inviting M1 listeners into the studio for the nine o'clock hour on every weekday broadcast that month.
Jay's Imagations
In Imagations, Jay attempts German, British, Japanese, and Southern voices for a sequence of naval captains and a schoolgirl, but every accent drifts into the same strange British-sounding character.
Ask Out the Nurse
Caller John asks whether to revisit a nurse he thinks flirted with him, sparking a long argument over flowers, professional friendliness, rejection, authenticity, and whether he should deepen his voice.
Poo Prints
Sienna describes a New Hampshire apartment complex using dog DNA to identify owners who leave waste behind, while the hosts split over whether the system is sensible enforcement or a waste of resources.
Amy Wins Jeff Bridges
Amy recognizes the word 'nectarine' and wins Jeff Bridges tickets, then repeatedly jokes as if Mikey and Woods will also drive her and her husband to Phoenix.
The Tommy Bahama Curse
The crew traces Mikey's seven-year Tommy Bahama nickname to Ashley's old callback and demonstrates how listeners now force the joke into everything from towels and job losses to funerals.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayRod BlagojevichBarack ObamaFrank McCourtBud SeligMark CubanJennifer AnistonJustin TherouxCasey AnthonyCaylee Anthony
38,445 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Mikey Show on what should be another glorious day. 570-1949. Call in, say hi. Text us. 949mikey at gmail.com. We have a big announcement that we're going to be making at 730 for M1 Nation. That's going to be great. All right? It's going to be great. If you're an M1, this is going to be good news for you. So be listening at 730 for this announcement. M1 is a Mikey Show listener. And when you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. Know the rules. Used to be known as P1s when I was at the old station. And Clear Channel said, you can't use that. And so I said, okay. I had to come up with something new. HBD, Clear Channel. Yeah, happy birthday. And so we use M1s. But there's a lot of P1s that are M1s. So we enjoy it. We love you.
We welcome you. And we are happy to have you. We have huge news. I mean, the news that we're going to be talking about today is ginormous. Imagations at 730 as well. What we have in Jay is a 48-year-old man who has the body of a 28-year-old. Who can... The wiener of a 78-year-old, by the way. Yes. That's true. So you say. It's a true fact. He just mmmed himself, by the way. The wiener of a 78-year-old. Sounds like the magazines I get at home. Ew. I'm gray and loving it. I just died. About died. I did. Oh, my God. Jay! I know. I know. I know. Oh, my God.
His review is today's. You guys are having nice little one-on-ones? Yeah. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 41 years of age. My wife is younger than me. Holla. Yeah. I bet she doesn't have a 78-year-old wiener. I could tell her where to get one. We've been on the air for 30 seconds. Holy cow. Holy cow. That's a fastball hit out of the park. Wow. That hit me in the gut. Mike just threw one right down the middle. Huh. Yeah. So Jay is, you know, he is 48, but he has a lot of talents. The guy can build anything. He's a great producer. He does all these things.
feel is not necessarily his strongest suit, but maybe is his strongest suit, is doing imitations. They're so bad, they're great. And so I give him the voice, he does it. And we'll do imagations at 7.30. If you've never heard it, brace yourself. Strap yourself in. Set your timer on your phone for 7.30 and be listening. Woods is our sports guy. He's 35. And his birthday's next month. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She is a stand-up comic. She's blonde in nature. And has already had her sunburn turn into a tan. It's looking good. Sienna is our news girl. She's 26. You don't not look tan. No, you don't.
You don't look like you're pale or pasty or anything. Well, that's good. Yeah. You have a good hue. Oh, okay. Rosie. Introduce Jay. And then our phone screener is Chris. That's crap. That's crap. We have one more pair of Jeff Bridges tickets to give away today. The sold out concert this weekend. If you know anybody in Phoenix and you can stay with them, you can get yourself to Phoenix, take a road trip. We'll give you tickets to the sold out Jeff Bridges concert. He's doing, you know. Academy Award winning Jeff Bridges doing the music from Crazy Heart that we're crazy about. And so that's this weekend. The word of the day is nectarine. So you're listening for me to use the word nectarine between now and 10. When I weave that into a sentence, caller nine wins the Jeff Bridges tickets. Okay, so Rod Bogoyevich is the, well, first of all, now Rod Bogoyevich is a reality TV star because he went on Celebrity Apprentice. But, you know, he's a professional clown. He's the former governor of Illinois. And he was trying to sell the Senate seat that was vacated by Obama. Right, Sienna? Right. And as of yesterday, he was found guilty, convicted of 17 of the 20 charges. And he's facing possible sentence of up to 300 years. But legal experts say he's likely to get a prison term of 10 to 15 years.
You know what's incredible about this dude is that they have phone conversations of him doing it. Mike, didn't he get off this thing already? He didn't get off. It was always pending. Was it a postponement of a trial? It was pending. You know how trials are. They get a date of when we're going to do this. It's always put off. Yesterday was the actual end of this trial. They said he's guilty. And listen, see, the thing about him was is even when they have him on tape saying, OK, so 50 bucks for that thing or whatever, you know, they have him on tape. He still denies it. You've seen Rod Begojevich. It looks like he's got a bad toupee. Yeah. He's like Trump's twin. Yes. Little brother. Dark headed twin. Yes. Here he is talking to reporters. Well, among the many lessons that I've learned from this whole experience is to. Try to speak a little bit less. So I'm going to keep my remarks kind of short. Patty and I obviously are very disappointed in the outcome. I frankly am stunned. On tape, he says, you know, he uses the F word, but he says he's telling someone about how he's got this Senate seat and it's a pretty awesome thing that they can buy. And he tells the guy it's effing golden. OK.
And he's given what it's going to take and blah, blah, blah. And he says he calls it that he was brainstorming ideas and that he never meant that, that he never meant it in reality like something he was. He doesn't even say I believe it more if he said he was kidding, but he didn't. He said he was brainstorming. There's not much left to say other than we want to get home to our little girls. and talk to them and explain things to them and then try to sort things out. What's that sound like? Girls, the thing is, you know, they said that daddy was trying to sell a seat for President Obama because he used to be a senator. And that's really bad. And you know, girls, I didn't do it. But they said I did. In fact, nine out of ten of the charges against me, they said I did. That one charge, though, they didn't get me on that one.
That was actually a parking ticket. They didn't get me for it. They didn't get it. They got off that one. So Patty and I are very upset. So Daddy has to take a 300-year vacation. And I'm sure we'll be seeing you guys again. There you go. I'm not going to be out for your graduation, but maybe for your retirement party. I'll be there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's the deal with the Dodgers? This is gigantic news. This is absolutely crazy. It's a bad day for baseball anytime this happens. I mean, you know, hey, we're Padres fans here, so anytime anything bad happens to the Dodgers, a lot of Padres fans will rejoice. But this is just bad for baseball. They have filed for bankruptcy. Wow. Chapter 11. Now, what they have said is their owner, Frank McCourt, and his wife, they're going through a... Nasty divorce. And I mean nasty divorce. He is kicking himself in the shin. I actually saw him outside kicking himself in the shin. Why did I marry that, bro? Yeah, he's kicking himself because it has turned so ugly that basically what's going to happen in Major League Baseball, they're just trying to get him out, right? So he has filed Chapter 11, basically buying time for them to get a new media deal. Now, he had a media deal in...
deal in place worth $385 million from Fox TV, the commissioner, Bud Selig, goes, uh-uh, not going to approve it. Didn't approve the deal. Would have gotten a $385 million cash infusion, which they desperately need. They can't make payroll this Thursday. They can't pay the bills, man. They've got so... So their players are sitting there going, we're not going to get paid on Thursday? Dude. If I read you, all the players that they have that are still under contract, they owe Manny Ramirez, who retired, they still owe him $21 million. Andrew Jones, who plays for the Yankees and played for the Rangers last year, they owe him $11 million. These are guys that don't even play anymore. Oh, my. They are in dire. dire straits. So yeah, Bud Selig had rejected that deal from Fox. And basically the point is now they're just going to try to get them a courts out. Major League Baseball will take, because he's a terrible owner. He's a terrible owner, obviously. And Major League Baseball is going to have to step in this week and take over that franchise, which...
You never want to happen. And that's good to be a Padre fan because do you think that what that looks like is that the team is in disarray and doesn't hire good players? So now it will be up to Major League Baseball to go out and get free agents? Well, yeah. Major League Baseball will assume control of the franchise. So as a Padre fan, you look at it and you say, well, that's our division rival. They are the hated Dodgers, you know, as they're called here. And it's... It's like if it happened to the Red Sox for me, I'd be like, you know, it's that feeling like you guys are in turmoil. Will it actually turn into anything? Yeah. I mean, the deal is now they're going to have to find new ownership. Now, where that's bad for Padres is the rumor around there. Guess who wants to buy the Dodgers? Mark Cuban. Oh, that's bad. Mark Cuban, who loves to spend dough. He loves it. You know what else he likes to do? Guy likes to win. Yeah. Guy likes to win a lot and will put players on the field and spend the money that it takes for upgrades and everything that they need. He does it first class.
Padres fans don't want that. Oh, boy. But it is a crazy, crazy deal. Now, this family, the McCourt family, they had multiple lavish homes, private security, country club memberships, and a six-figure hairstylist on call for the couple. $100,000 hairstylist? Yes. Your hair doesn't grow that fast. I don't. On call. Yeah, because at 2 o'clock in the morning, sometimes you're just like, you don't know if you want Chinese or permanent. It's insane. But they are out of money. They're out of money. They cannot make payroll. Honey, it's two. Will you make a sandwich and call Virginia? Think about getting bangs. Think about bangs. Babe, it's 2 a.m. I know, but I just have it hankering. Well, we do have Virginia. That's great. Every morning she does the hair. Fixes your hair up for you before you go to work. Wow. Virginia. Yeah, it's two. Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me. Do you know what on call means? Maybe.
Hang on. First of all, you're shouting at me. Stop shouting. Virginia. Now I realize that. Do you know what $115,000 a year is? Your salary. On call means that if we feel like getting our bangs cut, and my wife, honey, say you... Tell her, say, you're on call. I'm calling you now. You're on call. Calling you now. By definition, you've got to be on. You're on call. Can you hear her? Yeah, that's her. Yeah. She's not listening to me. You talk to her. Virginia. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I want bangs. Sometimes you wake up and you want a pickle. Sometimes you wake up and you want bangs. I understand that. Well... Tell her she's on call. You can get a babysitter. Yeah. My husband says you're on call. Hey, you have beautiful hair. Thank you. Yeah. Well, yeah, he could probably... Well, nose hairs? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Tell her I want her nose hair waxed up. Ears too, babe? Yep. Yeah, ears too. Back? Mm-hmm. Yeah, get a babysitter. Buttocks. Brazilian? Brazilian? Sure. No, I don't do that. Yeah, I do. Who's this man in our bed? I'm one of the Dodgers looking for my freaking paycheck. There's going to be American Idol auditions here in San Diego. Yes, very soon. If you want to be the next Adam Lambert. Because he was from San Diego. That's the one you go to? Yeah. That's your go-to. He's from San Diego. That's what I've been... I think she said that because I've been blogging that incessantly. On July 6th at 7 a.m. at Petco Park is when pre-registration begins. Park, by the way. Oh, it's going to be insane. July 6th, and it's continuing until July 8th. Now, July 8th is actually the first day of the first round of auditions as well. So the sooner you get there, the better. 7 a.m. is when they say to go on July 6th. I recommend 7 a.m. the next, the day before. It's going to be nuts. We were going to send Eskimo Blue Waters. We can't. She's too old. She's too old. That sucks. Well, she claims that she's...
like 28 years old, but they check your ID because you can't be on the show unless you're 28. What about Taylor Hicks? Yeah, he looks like he was 16. Yeah, but he wasn't, man. He had gray hair. He was like 27. Yeah, he's 27 years old. He had gray hair. Yes. So Petco Park, July 6th, 7 a.m. is when pre-registration begins. It's ageist. Yeah, it is ageist. It's ageist. Well, see, I've always thought to myself, if they took the age restriction out of it, I think it would be awesome to have some 56-year-old guy singing some awesome rock song, and it actually sounded good. Yeah, but the thing is with those guys, where do they go from there? Yeah, that's it. I mean, listen, the young guys don't even go anywhere on American Idol, so imagine what the older guys do. They do, though. Some do. Well, yes. They do? Yes. There are some that have not.
There's some that have gone into obscurity. Most. No, it's not actually. No, it isn't. See, I think what you're thinking of, you're thinking of winners of American Idol. And more often than not, it's the people that don't win that go on to sell millions and millions of records. Or get Oscars like Jennifer Hudson. In addition to selling millions of records. Carrie Underwood. Kelly Clarkson. These are all females, right? Daughtry. Daughtry has gone on to sell millions of records. Adam Lambert. Justin Quarine. Ruben... Clay... You know, here's the thing. Here's the thing that you gotta know, though. A lot of those people that you're talking about, in their genre, they are selling... Have you ever heard of Mandisa? I haven't either. But let me tell you something about Mandisa. In the gospel world, she's winning Grammys and selling... Millions of records. I just don't download it. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying Clay Aiken stuff. Aren't you? I have a Clay Aiken album. You silly sausage. He's good. I've told you this before. Hold on. And the other guy. There's a lot of them. It was after the season I got the album. I was excited. Woods doesn't want it to be true. It's not true. Oh, I can't remember. Elliot Yamin. Great.
Love him. Yeah. And they all make pretty good money when they go on tour. They make like a thousand bucks a show. We read that. Yeah, we read that. Didn't we, Sienna? A thousand bucks a show. They do when they do the tour after the season of the show. A thousand bucks for a night's work. Yeah. It ends up being like 47 grand or something. Once he introduced me to an artist the other day that I actually liked. I just didn't like his voice. It's Waylon Jennings' son, Shooter Jennings. I wonder who sold more albums. Shooter Jennings or Clay Aiken. I wonder who could look at himself in the mirror in the morning. Shooter Jennings. Probably Shooter Jennings. Probably Shooter Jennings. But, and I, listen, I don't want to look myself in the mirror with that tight choker around my neck and be Clay Aiken. Don't you? Don't I? You have no problem doing it with a ball gag in. That's true. That's true, but I'm only doing that because I've got TMJ and I'm trying to adjust my jaw. Sure you are. Most people think that it's a gaggle. It's not. You guys know how. I loathe American Idol. I loathe it. Ridiculous. I don't not like it. It's okay. I loathe it. Yet you just named like 10 idols. Well, my wife is obsessed with it. Don't blame it on the wife. It's the wife's fault. You know it? I will admit that there was one documentary song that I kind of was like, it's not bad. You don't like Carrie Underwood? No. Kelly Clarkson? No.
One song. Since you've been gone. That's it. Might have it on my iPod. It's great. Driving in a little pink convertible. Yeah. Singing it out. I might have turned that up on 10 before. Well, when you think about it, it's only logical. Right. It's only logical that there are incredible voices out there. Right. Haven't had lucky breaks. Sure. I totally buy that. Carrie Underwood was from Muskogee or some stupid Chattahoochee. Never been on an airplane. Never been on an airplane. Yeah. Look at her now. She's huge now. It's literally, the town that she's from is something like Chattahoochee. Yeah, it is. I think it's like Chattatoa. I think Chattahoochee is actually more well known than her. It is. It is. But when you think about it, it stands to reason that a girl from that town, she's not going to get discovered. Oh, for sure, man. For sure. I mean, a lot of people came from small towns that got discovered. It's just a matter of doing it the way that I think is the right way to do it and doing it that way. Now, she's really talented. She and Kelly Clarkson, those are the exceptions, in my opinion. I guess it's like this for me. If at the end of the day, a hamburger tastes good, I don't really care if the ground beef did something very noble,
Corn fed and blah, blah, blah. And to you, it's like, well, if I'm going to buy you, Carrie Underwood, you got to go to Nashville. Yeah. You got to live in Nashville. You got to do all that. When at the end of the day, all I care about is what kind of pipes you got. Your pipes any good? Okay. Taylor Hicks has some good pipes. Where's that clown now? He's playing the Ramada Inn in Wisconsin. But think about it. Taylor Hicks, dude, his music is kind of lame. I mean, it's not really bought by a lot of people. None of these people write their own stuff. It's just a matter of, it's just luck after luck after luck after luck. They get people to write their music, produce their music. They don't, they can sing. Other than that, they got nothing, dude. They got nothing. But I don't know what they're singing. But what about Daughtry? He writes his own, all of it. It's not every single person. And even with that, I'm like, he does? I mean, oh. I didn't know. That means something to me. All I know is that when the music is played in my ears, I'm like, oh, I like it. Because you know what's sad is Chris Cornell could go on American Idol. They'd be like, that's terrible. It's terrible. You're done. And that's just to me. There's something that's inherently wrong with that. And I'm telling you, bro, with Chris Cornell's voice, and I used to watch Idol. I don't now because I go to sleep so early.
Chris Cornell, if he went out there and he opened that mouth and he did that, I guarantee you they'd be like, you're going to Hollywood. Oh, great. He wouldn't win. I could probably get to Hollywood. But he's not for everybody and it's voted by the public. Matt Commerce. Your boyfriend, Matt Commerce. Talented dude. Hell of a guitar player. Guy's not going to win American Idol, unfortunately. Yeah, he would. He'd have better luck than Chris Cornell. Yeah, and Chris Cornell's got a hell of a voice. No, no. I'm saying that it's not fair. Are you saying that Chris Cornell doesn't have the looks? No, no. And that Matt Commerce has the looks? I'm saying Matt Commerce has the body. Are you trying to say that Chris... I'm saying Matt Commerce has the abs. Yeah, Matt Commerce has the butt. He has the butt and the abs. And the pipes. He's got big pipes. And I'm saying, listen, I'm saying he's got the triceps for it. He's definitely got the triceps. I don't know. I mean, I've heard that from people, but I don't know it. I don't know. And I wouldn't care. He does. What do I care? What kind of triceps? You should see how many pull ups a guy can do. Yeah. And so I would say that it bothers me that her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, is out playing gigs and he's doing it the right way. And then these ass clowns get in there and they're like.
Yeah, I'm so talented and famous. You're not. You're lucky. It drives me nuts. You saw a documentary one time where Carrie Underwood goes, oh, I'm so talented and better. So you, yes, you're right. They do do that. Yes, they do. Can I throw a curveball at you, Woods? Fire away. Were you an intern at a radio station? Was I an intern? Yeah. I worked in promotions. But did you have to kind of work your way up? Or did you have a stroke of luck and happen to be talented enough to be in the seat that you're in now? Yes! Oh, my. That makes no sense. You're an American Idol. You're an American Idol. You are an American. No, I have radio experience. You're going to Hollywood. I have radio experience. We're going to Hollywood. I know the business. You are going to Hollywood. I know the business. You're going to Hollywood. Holy cow. You didn't work for free for years. I did. Hey, I've done promotions. I've done sales. I've done on air. You're the American Idol. You were chosen out of all these people to be on the radio. It pays to be talented. Real good. That's what I'm saying. They're not talented. Woods is an American idol. He's an 11 winner. I hate you all. You just won the grand prize. Brilliant, Lauren. That goes down.
That's one of the most brilliant points that's ever been made. And then after that, you just go, you go, scene, and then you say, and the defense rests. Easy, Taylor Hicks. Easy, AI. Touché, bitches. Oh, wow. That was good. Crystal Palin was talking about losing her virginity when she was drunk. Oh, well. And we will do that. And next, we will also do Story of the J. On FM 94.9. There's new, and then there's new. As in original. As in the reset button has been pressed. As in the 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class, backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class, with technology like Attention Assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy. The E-Class continues to chart its own course.
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the 56 eastbound between the 5 and Black Mountain Road. This report, it's also brought to you by Doritos. Punch your mouth in the face with the awesome flavor of new Doritos taco chips. I love saying that. Head to a convenience store today. Taste Doritos taco chips and satisfy the hunger urge you just can't explain. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Fried chicken may be my favorite food item. Lauren. You know what? I'm just going to eat bad today. Let's get Burger King. Woods. It's the only thing I'm good about is washing my dishes, putting them in the dishwasher. Now, I don't know how to run our dishwasher. I've never, never once turned it on. Sienna. I feel great because I love to go on walks and I hate to run. And Jay. I like mayonnaise and crackers. On FM 94.9. Palin said that, no, this is Sarah Palin's daughter. She had a kid out of wedlock. She was dating Levi Johnson. And she said that she lost her virginity when she was drunk. We have audio of her talking about it. We have a big announcement for M1's at 7.30. Also, happy birthday, M1's. Imagations are at 7.30 as well. Word of the Day's Nectarine. Give you the last pair of tickets to Jeff Bridges doing his crazy hard stuff in Phoenix. So, it's all coming up. Okay.
So Bristol Palin was on Good Morning America yesterday and talking about everything that happened when she got pregnant and also about losing her virginity. In her new book, Not Afraid of My Life, My Journey So Far, Bristol writes candidly about her sexual relationship with Levi Johnston. You open the book and you talk about not that your virginity, that you lost it. But you used the word stolen, that in essence Levi got you drunk, and stole, again, your words, your virginity. Can you clarify that at all? That's what it felt like. I'm not accusing Levi of date rape or rape at all, but I am just looking back with the adult eyes that I have now and just thinking, that was a foolish decision. I should have never been underage drinking, and I should have never gotten myself into a situation like that. Well, I sure wish that you would leave Levi out of it then. Right. Because you had me at, I shouldn't have been underage drinking and gotten myself into a situation like that. You know, he's a creep. There's no doubt about it. Like, that's a given. We know that. But don't put yourself in a bad position. Now, you did, and people will...
have sympathy and even empathy for it, for sure. But what I have a hard time with is when people don't have the accountability. I'll have sympathy for you. Any situation that goes wrong is a situation that's gone wrong and it's sad. But you got to have accountability. There's got to be accountability there too. So anyway, there's the deal with Bristol Palin. Can't wait to read that book. Jennifer Aniston was on. Good Morning America yesterday, too. And we were inundated with fans wanting to know about the same thing. Is Jen happy with her new man? Is he a good guy? That's right. You said she's got some new boyfriend, right? Yeah, I mean, it's always alleged she hasn't really come out until maybe right now she will. She's over 40 and she's a really beautiful lady. Serious with him. They are, of course, talking about Jennifer's rumored boyfriend, actor and screenwriter Justin Theroux.
That's a good question. Are you happy with the... Not that it matters. And the thing that has a lot of people upset is Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt went with Angelina and left her. Well, this guy had a girlfriend he was with for like 14 years. And Jenna got together with him while he was with the girlfriend. So now he's left his longtime girlfriend to be with Jen. Hang on. I only have a problem with it if he cheated. He did. He did. Okay, we know that for a fact. They weren't married, but... Here's what I would say. If he broke up with the girl and went with Jen, I don't have a problem. Really? I don't have a problem. He broke up. It's his girlfriend. Yeah. He breaks up. Yeah. At least he didn't marry her. You know what I mean? He upgraded. Well, okay, maybe someone call it upgraded. He status climbed. Status climbed. Whatever. I don't know who his girl is. But I mean, I have this thought if it was anybody, not a celebrity, whoever. If you are... and you go to work and meet somebody and have great chemistry with them at work and divorce your wife to be with that woman, that's wrong. That's wrong. If you have a girlfriend and you go to work and you meet somebody and you have something going with them and you fall in love, first of all, I've said this a million times, stand behind it. Love is a choice. Love is a choice. People that say,
I fell in love. You didn't fall in anything. You walked right into it, pal. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl. You walked headlong into it. Because at some point, you felt little bubblies. And you continued. When you feel the little bubblies and you got somebody, that's when you're supposed to run, not walk, away from it. Otherwise, we know human nature. You lead to more bubblies and more bubblies. And eventually, you're in full-blown love. Okay? And so... I also think it's wrong if you have a girlfriend, you go to work, you got chemistry with somebody, and you start to feel bubblies and you don't do anything about it. I do think that's wrong. But it's okay, in my opinion, if you break up with someone and then you go, yeah, look, found somebody else. But it doesn't sound like that's the deal. Yeah, no, it's a little sketchy situation. Personal area of your life. Yes, I'm very happy. I'm extremely lucky and I'm extremely happy. This is a very deep voice. She does have a deep voice. She's a smoker? Yeah. Chain. Big time. Really? Is that right? Did not know. Yeah, I've smoked for years. Really, Jennifer? Yeah. Years since friend me, Phoebs, and Joey used to blast six real quick. So even though they have... Well, nobody really knows Matt LeBlanc or Lisa Kudrow. If I said those names, you wouldn't even know who they were. I wouldn't know who that is. Who is that now? Lisa Kudrow was Phoebe or Phoebs. Phoebs.
And then Matt LeBlanc. LeBlanc. Joey. Got it. Chandler smoked for a while, too. Okay. Now, I know Chandler because that's Chandler. Right. Matthew Perry. Who's Matthew? Matt Perry. Okay. We just call him Matt. Oh, Chandler Bing. Chandler Bing. Got it. I just call him CB. What was your favorite Chandler Bing episode? Probably the flashbacks when they would flashback to high school and college and he would have the flock of seagulls haircut. Right. We're talking to Jennifer Aniston, ladies and gentlemen. It's good to be here. Thanks for having me. What about your favorite Monica moment? Oh, God. Again, the flashback episode when she was fat. She was all fat. You know? It was great. It was one of my favorites. Smelly Cat, one of your favorite. Smelly Cat, it's kind of whipped me for years. People will sing it and it's just like, Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? You're really pretty in person. Thank you very much. Did you see my new tattoo that I got? It's for my dog. It's a little red. Jay, I'd offer to rub some cream on it for me. Speaking of Jay, we're going to be doing Story of the Jay in just a moment.
Before that, I'd like to read you his recap. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Strap in. Yesterday, I parallel parked my big truck. I'm serious. This is what it says, okay? I'm not making this up. Now, if you don't know anything about Jay, he's one of the most beloved characters in the history of radio. Okay? Our listeners, for whatever reason, he can't do anything wrong. I'm trying. Are you? He's just perfect. When we come back from commercials, you'll hear these little things that we call rejoins where we take little snippets of us that sort of tell the story of our personality. All of Jay's are things like, yes, I like to surf. So what if I like to surf every day? I can cook a hundred hush puppies in an hour. Five minutes. I did four hours of yoga and then ate healthy all day. Those are the things he says. R's are like, yeah, I'm fat, you know. Yes, I love donuts. Yeah. But J's are all, yeah, I can't, you know, most of my kids' friends don't like me because I'm so strict. But a good dad. I didn't put nails in the tree because I didn't want to kill the tree. Didn't want to hurt the tree. Our favorite snack is an acai bowl. Love them. So J says,
See, yesterday I parallel parked my big truck in the only spot I could find on the street. What? I only had an hour to surf, and I didn't want to take any time looking. No. Now, the space was tight, that's, but I made sure that both cars in front and behind could get out. When I got back, my front license plate had been bent all the way up and folded over. Really? I surfed that spot all the time. And I remember what the car looked like before I left. Oh, my gosh. Boy, I hope I can be different. My big truck. My big old truck. I'll tell you what. I can damn near do everything. Including parallel park. Like Songby. Songby. I can parallel park. I can do anything. Yeah, a little blue car. Better watch out.
I hunt people down. I was a bounty hunter once. And listen, I kill you. Ain't nobody even going to get mad at me. No one's going to miss you. I killed an old lady yesterday. Nobody seemed to care. Sienna, what is this deal with this Muslim? woman that is suing Abercrombie and Fitch? Well, she was a former stockroom worker at the Abercrombie and Fitch in San Mateo. And she says that when she was hired, she was wearing her hijab, which is the wraps around her face. And four months later, she goes to work and her district manager says that she has to remove it while working. And if she doesn't, she's going to be suspended. Well, she would not take it off because she says, this is my religion. This is what we wear. And she got fired. This is Story of the J. Lifted straight from news of the day. Every voice is weirder than the last. Sounds kind of like a Muppet when it's high. Luckily, we have the Muslim woman with us right now. And hello, Muslim woman. Oh, so thankful to be on the show. Oh, so now you...
You are suing Abercrombie and Fitch, right? Yes, they wouldn't let me wear my Hindu. No, you're not your Hindu. You're your hijab. That's what I said. No, you didn't. You said you're Hindu. Now, let me ask you about your hijab. This is something that... Oh, bless you. This is something that you feel is your right to be able to wear, right? Definitely my right. It's very personal to me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No one can... No one can take that away from you, right? No one can take that away from me. That's right. So you plan on suing. Have you already hired counsel? I'm going to represent myself. You are. You're going to represent yourself. I'm going to represent myself. Yes. It's always a good move. Yes. Hopefully you will win and you will beat Abercrombie and Fitch. Oh, I'm going to beat them down. This is Story of the J. Lifted straight from news of the day. It's your shimmy. He does it when he's nervous. He shimmies his shirt.
So, Sienna has to explain this to me. I'm a little behind, which is shocking to most people. I've been following the Casey Anthony case like crazy, but Sienna says there's new stuff. It's not new, no. It isn't? No, it's been around, and there's people that are going to know much more than me. I'm surprised you don't know. It's a meter reader. He was the one that actually discovered little Kaylee Anthony's body. I've heard the 911 call before. Right, but... The weirdest part about it is when he discovered the body, he held on to it for a while because the way he saw it, it was like a lottery ticket, basically. No, wait. Now, this is speculation. They're alleging. This is what they're alleging. This is not fact. And he's supposed to be testifying today. He's there in court. He was there first thing in the morning. But we've got to be clear. Okay. That's not.
That's what people are speculating. According to the defense, they are saying that this man, whose name is Roy Cronk, he's a meter reader, thought he had a lottery ticket. This is what the defense is saying. Because since there was a reward for the return of... Of Kaylee's body. They're saying that he called his son and said, I'm going to be famous. You know, watch. You got to watch the news in the next couple of days. Yeah, and so he... held on to this little girl's body, dead body. Now, part of the reason that they're able to say this is because there was a search in that area for Kaylee and it didn't turn anything up. Right. And then how long later, like a month or something later, he finds the body. Yes, he has found the body. In the same place that 30 people had been out there searching. No way. Now. OK, but what is that? How does that get Casey off? Like, that's what I don't understand. How does that help Casey? Because all that proves to me is that dude's a creep, that he wanted money. He found a body of a little girl that was dead and decided that he was going to hold on to it for a while because the longer he held on to the body, the more the reward would go up. Right.
Like right now, it's $50,000 for her return, but maybe six months from now, it'll be $100,000 for her return. Wouldn't it change some things forensically in your mind? How so? Had she been found a month earlier, wouldn't there be more, and I won't say more better, but wouldn't there be better forensic evidence on the body had he not held on to it for a month? This is what you have to know, is that there is no forensic evidence. There was something with duct tape. Yeah, there was duct tape on the kid, but the duct tape didn't have any... Fingerprints. No DNA. No. The duct tape is proving that there was homicide because it's... No, it's not. There is no proof of homicide. In fact, they said they do not have cause of death. One person said homicide. The other bigger expert who has been doing... He's a guy that studied JFK, says there is no proof of homicide. Well, it's lending evidence to homicide. And if he moved it...
There's all this stuff to say that the duct tape could have been added post-mortem. He could have done any number of things. It wasn't found in its natural, you know, the way that it was left. And maybe they could even argue... That he killed her. Yeah, the defense needs that to poke holes in the prosecution. That's what Casey Anthony's attorney is going to do. At least that's what speculation says that he's going to be pointing the finger of responsibility at this guy. So this meter reader is getting on the stand today. Yeah, he's supposed to be. They asked him to be there first thing in the morning. Start of the day, he needs to be there today. Wow. So he hasn't been asked before, you know. I mean, it is sketchy that there were people out there searching an area, didn't find anything. Then a month later, a meter reader calls and goes, just found her. Yeah. That's insane. That's who they're interviewing now, the person that led the search, because they're saying it was an expert team of, you know, people that had done this, combing the area. How come they didn't find anything? Wow. That's fascinating. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm in prosecution. You ready? Okay. I'll tell you why you didn't find anything. Because Casey hadn't buried her there yet. She wasn't there. That's why. Casey had her. Casey, yeah, Casey hadn't buried her there yet.
They already have, like, the prosecution already has a case. They have already had people to say, based on, like, the roots growing, based on all the stuff, can you estimate how long it was laying there? The timeline. The timelines don't add up. You know what that equals to? Reasonable doubt. Again, there's a lot of holes, man. I think this one may be the big thing for the defense, man. Gosh darn, that's a big bullet. What if, what if, in about three weeks, you hear, Don't say it. Does the jury have a... Don't you do it! Please don't say it. Is the jury ready to read the verdict? Yes, Your Honor. If it pleases the state of Florida, the state may state their verdict. Will the jury find the defendant, Casey Anthony, not guilty? On the count of first-degree murder, the state of Florida finds Casey Anthony not guilty. allegations of second degree murder, the state of Florida finds Casey Anthony not guilty. Of manslaughter, the state of Florida finds Casey Anthony not guilty. Oh my gosh. This is not real. In the state, or in the case of child neglect, the state of Florida finds Casey Anthony guilty. Guilty as charged. In the allegation of lying to police. Perjury.
No, it wasn't perjury. Obstruction of justice. Obstruction of justice, because it happened before the thing. The state of Florida finds Casey Anthony guilty. No, sir, you can't shoot her. And so the sentencing for these crimes is two and a half years in prison. But due to time served, Casey is free to go. Oh, my God. Could happen. It could freaking happen. I wonder what her parents are hoping for. Yeah. They're hoping for her to be let go. God. Why? Even though, because they love her. It's your kid. Because they love her. Even though she said, to save her own butt, my dad and my brother molested me. Now, maybe they did. Yeah. You know, maybe they did. I don't know. All I do know, and Rebecca said this, she goes, and the prosecution said the same thing. She's like, if he molested her, how come she's on those?
Jailhouse interviews telling him what a great daddy is. I said, babe, what is she supposed to say in the jailhouse interviews when he gets on the phone to talk to her? Oh, by the way, dad, you molested me when I was a kid. Remember? Remember, dad? Anyways. Right. I mean, is that what she's going to say in the things? No, and that's the typical behavior of somebody that's been abused and neglected and stuff like that. They're going to always try to placate and try to get the approval of. Absolutely. And you want everyone to be on your side helping you when you're in jail and defenseless. A couple of things. Big news in video games. You know, violent video games is big news. The violent video games yesterday. Also. Hugh Hefner has a new girlfriend. Who is it? Weird. Like a deep blue sea. And we got something great coming up. I don't even want to bring it up. I'll tell you when we come back. So all this stuff. Huge show today. All this stuff is coming up. Blue eyes.
This is The Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. At Vons, we believe the standards you live by should be the ones you eat by. Honesty, integrity, and real. That's why we developed Open Nature, a new line of 100% natural foods you can only get at Vons. No added hormones, no antibiotics, no artificial ingredients. so they meet the highest standards of all, yours. You'll find naturally delicious open-natured chicken and sausage, yogurt and cereal, and since they're from Vaughn's, they'll be well within your budget. Try 100% natural open-natured products at Vaughn's today. Plus, pick up these fantastic Vaughn's Club specials. Fresh Foster Farms chicken breast halves are just 97 cents a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. 12 packs of Coca-Cola or 7-Up fridge packs, or buy two, get three of equal or lesser value free. Plus, CRV in California must buy five selected varieties. Save huge on ice cream. Use the coupon from the flyer and get selected ice cream novelties for only $2.49 each. Choose from Breyers, Klondike, and many more. Get 100% natural open nature products and Vons Club specials that are 100% amazing. Only at Vons. Ingredients for life. How to go on a tropical vacation without going to the tropics. Step 1.
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That's what a hamburger is all about. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now, ladies and gentlemen, back to the Mikey Show. Quiet, everybody. We're going on the air. With Mikey. Some guys do a bunch of stuff, but I'm not one of them. I'm going to be. Are you? Yeah. Lauren. I think I need to be on Ritalin. Woods. You know what makes me happy? Copenhagen Long Cut. A fresh Dr. Pepper and an eclair. Zienna. Just show me how to work the computer. And Jay. It's kind of my job on the show to try to destroy you. On FM 94.9. Violent video games. Do you like to play violent video games? Yeah. If you do, we've got some news for you coming up here. Zienna, what's going on in you? Well, if you know anyone with peanut allergies, this is pretty cool. About half of all major league teams are now offering at least one game during the season in which there's a special nut-free section created for kids especially with these allergies. Oh, boy.
Jay. You know, a lot of times it's just the lingering peanut dust that can cause up an allergy and a reaction. So there's no peanuts. They're cleaning this whole section entirely. That's cool. No sales of Cracker Jacks, nothing like that. It's cool for little kids that couldn't go to a game because of that. Now they can. They can get really sick just being around it. Right. I mean, it does. That was beautiful. Seriously, it'll stop him from breathing and stuff. Yeah. That's gnarly. Also, good news. U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords made a public appearance last night. She was out in Houston with her. Speaking engagement? You're mean. What did you say? I said a speaking engagement? You know what? Hey, babe. One step at a time. Babe, we're going to go. We've got a deal. I've got an appearance for us lined up for us tonight. Can you get dressed yourself? How dare you? She's doing great. She's doing great. How long? We gotta go, dude. Get your ass together. Let's get out of here. He doesn't call her dude. He doesn't tell her to get her A together. Come on. She looks really good. We're gonna be late. You know, a guy flies one shuttle mission after his wife is shot in the head and you guys make it seem like...
I know. Happy birthday, Tang Boy. Oh, my God. Tang Boy. What's going on in sports? The Padres got another W at home last night. Yeah. A W. Ryan Ludwig hit a two-run homer in the first, and Matt Latos tossed six innings, and Heath Bell picked up his 21st save. So that is a good thing. Things are looking up for those Padres. Still have not won six in a row yet, which will lead me to a Friars haircut if they do. Yeah. And in Wimbledon news, both of the Williams sisters have been eliminated. Venus and Serena. It's hard to believe that Serena is gone. Serena did not play very well yesterday. She lost 6-3, 7-6 and 8-6. It's too bad. And on the men's side, Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer have all advanced. Feast on it. 40, love. It's the best. Love it. Dead silence. 40, love. Matt. It's the greatest. 40. Love. It only made John McEnroe that much more compelling because it's dead silent and he's screaming his head off. As loud as a human can scream. That ball was right! It wasn't, sir, it was out. It was on the line! What's the matter with you? Sir, please return to the baseline. It's the greatest. Spectacle. Just dead silence and he's screaming. He's screaming his head off.
So the Supreme Court, what did they say? It's the Supreme Court of California, right? Yes. They ruled that the state cannot ban the sale of violent video games to children. Now, a lot of people are upset because some of these games are really graphic and violent and they think it's bad for kids. But the video game industry has its own labeling system. So if it has an M on it, it means this is especially violent. Yes, for mature. I don't get it, man. Yeah, kids can continue to buy these games. What's the age? Is there an age limit? Under 18. It's under 18? Yeah. Oh, okay. So you have to be 18 to buy the violent ones? No, you can buy them. Kids can buy them. Yeah, kids can buy them. That's what it's for. There's no restriction. Why is the label? For the parents, I guess, to look at? Just so they know. So they know. Yeah, so parents can be like, oh, that's M. You can't have that. But it's not illegal for that child to buy it on his own. It's just up to a parent to be there. So if we use that logic. So. So. If we use that logic, how come a kid can't walk in to a liquor store and see clearly that the outside of the magazine that's covered in plastic says, this is adult material, buy it, take it home, and then their parents can go, you're not old enough for Hustler. I'm afraid I've got to take that one away.
Now I'm going to keep this. I'm going to keep this until you're old enough, when you're 18, and then you can look at it if you want to. You can buy it. You can buy it. You like to look. You just don't like to touch. You can't touch. It's animated violence. I mean, you've got to make a decision where your kids can and can't get in on it. It's different than nude bodies and legs. It's not real. It's not real. You can have an R-rated animated movie, though. Would you let your kid watch anime porn? I wouldn't let my kid play war games. Jasper, I don't let him do total shoot-em-ups. He can't play Call of Duty, but I'll let him play Halo because it's more animated and you're running around. Somebody wrote on our fan site, You know, it's kind of the same thing on our Facebook fan page, facebook.com slash Mikey show that they went to a movie theater over the weekend and some grandmother came out with her nine and seven year old grandkids and was really mad that.
She couldn't, was it that they wouldn't give her her money? Yeah, she took her kids to see a certain movie. It was Hangover 2. Hangover 2. Oh, wow. And I guess... Grandkids. Her grandkids. I guess when she got in, somebody said, ma'am, you guys got to go. You can't have those boys in here. And she was furious and she wanted her money back. Because they wouldn't give her money back. And I guess they wouldn't give her her money back, but they kind of should have given her money back or not sold her the ticket in the first place, I think. Well, here's the deal. I'm not sure how they can kick her out. Because a rated R movie means 17 unless accompanied by an adult. Right. Obviously, the bigger issue is what sort of freak takes their nine and seven-year-old kids or grandkids to the Hangover 2? Again, what sort of freak? Yeah. I bet I know what happened. I bet I know what happened. She thought? No. She bought the tickets for Hangover 2. They sat there for 15 minutes, and she's like, no, we can't. I can't keep you guys here. Left and wanted her money back then. I convinced her to let her. It says that she asked for a refund because the theater would not let the kids see the movie Hangover 2. But how? She's an adult. She can take them. Right. I think the theater can refuse. But they sold her the tickets. But probably the kid at the, oh, yes, ma'am, thank you. Yeah, maybe she's like, hey, three for Hangover 2.
And then the kids are inside playing video games. And then a manager came in and saw like, no. No, this ain't. But he can't do that. He can't do that. He can't do it. The law. I thought the law. Somebody knows. You can call us 5701-949-M1s. But I thought the law is a rated R movie means 17 unless accompanied by an adult. Yep. And again, what kind of freak? If they know what to hang over to. Maybe it was grandma and she just didn't know. She didn't know. My grandma, take us to. The Hangover 2. What would you like to see, dear? Hangover 2. Hangover 2. Well, that sounds like a fun movie. Yeah. I mean, Hangover, that sounds like something great. It's funny. It's funny. Have you ever had a Hangover, dear? No, I don't even know what it is. Let's go see what... The guy's Greek. You're Greek, Grandma. Yes, that's right. Let me take you to a film called The Hangover 2. Yeah, yeah. Hey, let me ask you something.
Is Big Jugs 4 playing. Is Dirty Hanky Panky 3. Hey grandma. It's called The Hangover 2. I know. That means that it followed The Hangover 1. I told you a story about when my little brother. He was a little kid. My grandpa took him to see Blame It on Rio. Which is just TNA. The whole movie is TNA. They're on the beach. He thought it was a war movie. They were there for 15 minutes, and my brother's like, no, no, no, it's cool. We can stay. My grandmother had to drag him out of there. I mowed lawns to earn money to take my parents to see the clan of the cave bear. No, Quest for Fire. Quest for Fire. It was Quest for Fire, which is, among other things, about the dawn of man. That is a true fact. It is about the dawn of man. But the other sad fact is that it's also about the dawn. of canine style lovemaking. And then the dawn of missionary style lovemaking. And ironically enough, it featured Ray Dawn Chung. 10 years old, sitting in the movie theater as Ray Dawn Chung figured out how to make love in the missionary style position with my mother on my right hand side and my father.
On my left-hand side. My dad took his parents to go see Clockwork Orange. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. They got up and left the theater. Oh, no. Getting bludgeoned by that statue. Dude, that's not even, like, that's the baby stuff in the movie. No, he, yeah. My dad doesn't really care. Like, he's just, the Bottles of Kid movie, it's one of his favorites. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that your dad had seen it and took them to see it? I'm pretty sure. Hey, Mom and Dad. Wow. Saw a great movie. I think you'll love it. I think he did. Now, guys, I need to let you know before we go, it is about gang rape. Oh, my gosh. Now, Mom, I'll tell you when to close your eyes. Mom. Wow. It's filthy. It's a filthy movie.
I'm pretty sure he had seen it, liked it so much. Brilliantly. It's a brilliant film. It's iconic. It's a brilliant film. It's a little on the risque side. Just a little. For your folks. For your mom and dad. They can see it on their own. If your dad is listening, I've got to talk. Get him on the phone. Get him on the phone. That's fantastic. Keith Richards. Keith Richards. Of course Keith Richards did it. The man's name is Keith Richards. That is fantastic, Sienna. Let's see. M1 Patty from San Diego. Are you there? Yes. Go ahead. I worked in the movie theater for several years, and I can confirm that the movie theater can't kick the parent out or the kid out. I mean, I can remember seeing parents taking kids in to watch movies with sex scenes, and we couldn't kick them out. That's what I thought because you're accompanied by an adult. That's right. Hey, thanks for the call. I appreciate it. Hey, Harold, are you there? I'm here. What did M1 Danny's dad do? He Mountain was a country western movie. Well, it is. Yes, that is a fact. That is a fact. That's a fact. I mean, that is a true statement. It's also the story of homosexual love making between two men very deeply in love with each other in the country.
No! It's not typical. Not traditional. It is not a sequel to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. It is not Tombstone. No. I wish I knew how to quit you. Isolate. Thank you very much, Harold. We have Sienna's dad on the line. I think he's very confused. Hello, Keith. Hey, how's it going? It's good. Now, Sienna said that you once took your parents to see Clockwork Orange. Sure did. That's right, Mike. What next? He'll sit through it with anyone. He loves the movie. Oh, I do, too. It's a great movie. I mean, Stanley Kubrick is a brilliant director. Now, had you seen it yet? Yeah, I saw it about four or five times.
I dug them into the movie theater, and I think they walked out after about the first five minutes. Oh, my gosh. Did they look at you and go, how much marijuana? How many marijuana cigarettes have you been smoking? Of course. It was never the same after that. Now, when that happened, Mr. Richards, were you like, what's your problem? Yeah, I couldn't figure it out. I thought they'd really enjoy it the way I did, but obviously there was a little generational gap. Oh, my gosh. That is classic. It is. It's classic. Probably for years at their parties with their friends are like, so Keith took us to see this movie. Have you heard of it? The Clockwork Orange. Oh, my God. I was mortified. Mortified. The famous music from A Clockwork Orange. He's even put it on when I'm around and I've sat there and been like, oh, I'm not watching this down. Sienna, sit down. I want to show you one of my favorite films called The Clockwork Orange. He doesn't care. He'll watch it with anyone. It is. I mean, it's good, but it's a little rough. A little rough around the edges. It was really rough today. Back then it was rough. You know what? Honestly, it's even rougher. Mr. Richards. Seriously. Mr. Richards. Call him Keith. Can I call you Keith?
Go on anything you'd like. I answered anything. So here's the thing. If you watch that movie today, it's much crazier now probably than it was then. It is. Absolutely. It's crazy. Yeah, it really is. Well, thank you. We appreciate you calling in and telling us about that. That's a great story. Love you, Dad. Love you, too. Thanks for putting up with me. Thanks, little angel. He was talking to you guys. He's the greatest. So Hugh Hefner has a new girlfriend, which, why is it news? Of course he does. Yes, he tweeted yesterday that she is the new November 2011 playmate and new girlfriend. Her name is Anna Sophia Bergland. Fake name. Yes. How many times can 80 go into 20? He's 80, she's 20. It only works the other way around, though. You can actually do it. 20 can go into 80. You know what? I don't even want to know. The negative. I think he has two new girlfriends, actually, because he mentioned Shara Bachard, too. Let me ask. L.O.B., is this the deal? The girl is like, I gotta be in Playboy. I gotta be in Playboy. Now, he's coming on to me. He wants, and he's very clearly made it known that he wants us to be intimate and, like, date.
And I think he wants to even go further and, like, have me be his girlfriend. Yes. Now, that would mean I'm going to have to sleep with him. Yes. And he's 85. Mm-hmm. 85? Yes. 85. Mm-hmm. Do they do that because they don't want to not be in Playboy? That's the holy grail for those bunnies. That is like... What, getting half? No. Getting half to notice you in the grotto is one thing. Getting him to, like, want to date you is the holy grail. That's... The filthiest, grossest thing in the world. If you want to be a professional naked lady, that is like your launching pad. Listen. Listen. If you're willing to have some 85-year-old dude, that's so gross. If you're willing to put all your junk out there. spread open for anyone to look at? Playboy is not. It's very classy the way they do it. It's classy, LLB. It's the girl next door. It's class. They don't have a centerfold? Yeah, but they're not. They don't show stuff. She's not doing stuff like that.
You're willing to have a lot out there. You're willing to be nude. You're saying that about actresses, too, though. You know what's going to happen with that magazine, okay? Yeah. So if you're willing for that to go down. Actresses appear nude all the time. Natalie Portman. Yeah, Natalie Portman. For the purpose of the film, not for the purpose of Playboy. Oh, like you couldn't do without that purpose in the role? You couldn't do without it? It adds realism. Why are you complaining about nudity in movies? Shut your mouth. I like it, but I think that we're saying that if you're Playboy, you're less. Yeah, but the purpose of... The nudity in the movie was that it played into the role. The purpose of nudity in a magazine is simply the nudity. It's beauty. It's gorgeous. It's God's creation in its most primal form. I'm not saying it's not, but you're the kind of person that's willing to let a lot of things fly. I don't agree with that. Including 85-year-old John. What I think it is is I think these girls, it's a bit. They get to live in the mansion. I don't think that he's getting all up on that. Taken care of. They're very well taken care of. You don't think they have sex with him? No. Yes, they do. I think they do. Jay, you're a sweet kid. You're a sweet kid. I don't think they do. You're a sweet kid, though.
I think he's just like, come here, little dude. I'm sure it's not happening all the time, given the circumstances. No, I think that he probably still can. I think he still does all right. I think he can still make love. He's a big proponent of Viagra, much like Jay Isbell, and I think he does his bit with all these girls. Yeah, how does that work, Jay? Yeah, what's that like? I'll show it to you. I've seen it. Twice. No thanks. You keep looking, though. You keep showing it. Yeah, you know why? Because when Delta Airlines goes down in the middle of a field... Thanks for the compliment. More like a single-engine Cessna, pal. Still, thanks for the compliment. When an airplane that looks like a number two pencil stacked end-to-end with another number two pencil crashes in a field stacked, yeah. You can't take your eyes off of it. You have to look because you've never seen anything. Okay. Yes. Two salt shakers. If a wrinkly toothpick. Two salt shakers. If the salt shakers were made of Play-Doh and put in a taffy pulling machine. Oh my God. Wow. I have to get an image of that. Sounds like fun. I know it's much. What? Let's see. It's for children.
Should be a warning. It's true. But the truth is that Dad is a little... He's very funny. Jay physically does some physical comedy. He's John Ritter sometimes. He's John Ritter. He does some very physical comedy. Hey, Liberty, isn't it sure your dad's on the radio? What station is that again? FM 94.9. Oh, let's pop it on. No, no, really. Seriously, please don't. Please don't listen to my dad, Sarah. Please don't. Oh, and here, what's the show all about? Nothing, nothing. You know what it's about. It's like NPR, but way more profusing and newsy. I love that kind of stuff. No, no, no, no. But this is like... They do it in Greek. Yeah. It's in Greek. So if you don't speak Greek. Yeah, if you don't speak Greek, you won't understand. I do speak my grandmother's Greek, so I know a little bit. Orthodox Greek. Orthodox Greek. So it's more of like a learned Greek. Yeah, she's Orthodox Reformed. Oh. I'm pretty sure Liberty lies to her friends. Yeah. Oh, he's a construction worker. He works at a dispensary. Yeah, he's on the DSNC. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? The dispensary?
He just said he works at a dispensary. You're going to need that isolated L&B dispensary. You can't. We're talking all over it. Damn it. Dispensary. Dispensary. Dispensary. Oh, it's so great. Dispensary. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. What was that? What? Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Irrelevant? You guys are so perfect. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Irrelevant. I have a text here. This text made me laugh so hard. Mikey, my wife laminates everything. What? Notes, calendars, team rosters. You name it. What? Drives me mental. M1 Cody. That made me laugh so hard because when we read this, Woods goes, my mom used to do it.
And now that I think about it, my mom laminated some stuff too. There are women that are laminators. Oh, man. And it's always your mom. It's usually your mom. Usually your mom. Then you marry that woman and she turns into your wife. Yeah. And then she's a laminator. Right. She starts laminating things. Your to-do list. I used to get in, my mom would send me like letters and money and stuff in college. And in every letter without fail. were three or four updated address cards with my whole family on there laminated. Laminated. And they were about six inches long and about four inches wide. So they wouldn't fit in your wallet. So you know where they fit is in the garbage can. They fit in there real good. Oh, cool, man. Thanks. And then I'd call her and be like, hey, do you have Aunt Kathy's address? Because she's like, I sent you your laminated card. I sent it to you. I'm like, sorry. You can just buy a laminator. I've never used this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Curse the day. Portable laminators became available on the open market. I want one. It used to be very special. I love a laminator. I would laminate your show schedule every day. Oh, no. Don't do that. Can you imagine? I can't. I would do the important things. Why do women like to laminate stuff? I would do the important things, like the address list, because it looks neat. I like the feeling. And it can get all crunkly. Yeah, and you can't put it anywhere? Yeah. On the fridge.
It won't hold. It's too thick. The magnet won't hold. Get a better magnet. Yeah. Get a NASA magnet that will basically suck people that have titanium arms through your kitchen window and suck up against you. You buy it from Acme like Wiley Coyote. Exactly. Right up against that laminated like this on the fridge. Suck you right through. Yeah, dude. Your wife do anything embarrassing or, you know, a little on the irritating side like that? 570-1949. And if that doesn't go anywhere, don't worry. I got some stuff for you. Because Chick's ranked the four biggest things that are a turnoff on us guys at the beach. You're going to want to know this. I guarantee you, with 100%, I'll pass out $100 bills if I do not qualify. It's funny because he's fat. This is The Mikey Show, FM 94.9.
The Ultimate Fighting Championship presents UFC 132, Cruz vs. Faber. Phantomweight Champion Dominic Cruz will attempt to avenge the only loss of his career in a rematch against former WEC featherweight champion the California Kid Uriah Faber. Also, former Pride middleweight champion Vanderlei Silva battles four-time knockout of the night winner Chris the Crippler. Plus, the Huntington Beach bad boy Tito Ortiz will go to war with one of the most powerful fighters in the division. Ryan Bader. Tito says, let's fight. And the natural-born killer, Carlos Condit, is set to take on undefeated welterweight powerhouse Dongyan Kim. Bud Light Lime presents UFC 132 Cruise vs. Favor, live Saturday, July 2nd, only on pay-per-view. Visit UFC.com for details. Order using your Cox Remote Control by tuning to channel 501 or in HD on channel 798 after 5.30 p.m. on Saturday. Enjoy the fight. Hi, gang. It's OPW. Oh, it's OPW. Yeah, it's your old pal Woods. You got to tell you about the new HTC Trophy from Verizon. This phone is insane. It's got Office. It's got Xbox Live. And what Xbox Live is, is you can link to your Xbox and your buddies can link to theirs. If you guys all have the HTC Trophy phone, you guys can online game on your phone and you're still connected. Like I can play games on my phone, but not like this. I can't connect.
to my buddies and play our Xbox games live. So OPW recommends this phone, man. If you're a gamer, this is the one that you need to get. So go into any Verizon store, demo the new HTC trophy, and you could win an Xbox 360. Now, if you buy the phone, they're going to go ahead and give you either Halo Reach, Kinect Sports, or Lode Runner for your Xbox 360. So it's definitely worth your time, man. Get in there and demo this phone. It's the HTC trophy, and it's from Verizon. New, youthful, innovative. Lots of words mean fresh. Add Mercedes-Benz to the list. That's because the 2011 lineup of Mercedes-Benz vehicles is the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class. Take the C300 Sport Sedan. A rare combination of luxurious refinement and racing pedigree, its agility control suspension lets it handle with precision even when driven hard. See your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer about the 2011 C300 sports sedan, and you'll discover that for 125 years, Mercedes-Benz has also been synonymous with value. Get the 2011 C300 sports sedan at 1.9% APR for 24 to 36 months, or lease one for just $349 a month for 33 months with $3,894 due at signing. A new year, a new level of innovation from Mercedes-Benz.
Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through June 30th, 2011. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. There's a lot to love about California, especially if you're a watermelon, a cherry, or an ear of corn at Albertsons. See, California soil and climate are ideal for growing the highest quality produce. Albertsons stocks nearly 300 varieties of California-grown fruits and vegetables at their peak of freshness. Juicier, more flavorful, fresher produce grown in California. But you'll be saying it's out of this world. Albertsons, talk about fresh. Shop at your neighborhood Albertsons through Tuesday for low prices with your preferred savings card. Right now, Albertsons bone-in split chicken breasts are an incredibly low 99 cents a pound. Try some tonight on the grill. and select packages of fresh berries or buy one, get one free. Mix and match your favorites. Plus, get 30% off our already low card price when you buy six or more 750-milliliter bottles of wine or champagne. See store for details. Find these fresh summertime savings and more at Albertsons. Hi, I'm Mike, and I'm a CEO, a chief everything officer. My job duties include everything from business development to ordering paperclips.
And with my schedule, I can't wait around for my mail and packages to be delivered. So how do I handle it all? Logistics. I'm Shawna from the UPS Store, and our mailbox services are designed for people like Mike. We'll keep your mail safe and confidential, even sign for packages. And if you like, send an email or text alert when they arrive. While I'm taking care of my clients, the UPS Store is taking care of my mail. Chief Everything officers love logistics. With mailbox services at the UPS Store, your business gets a real street address, and we can notify you when a package arrives. To find a location near you, visit the upsstore.com. Services, prices, and hours vary by location. See center for details. The UPS Store is offering three months free mailbox services with an annual agreement and a real street address at participating locations. New box holders only. Visit the upsstore.com. Notary also available. with winning. Something happens that the dictionary cannot adequately define. Winning. The only way to describe Dave and Buster's Half Price Game Wednesdays. Twice the games for the same price. That's double the spin and win. Twice the new Fruit Ninja. Two times the glory. It's called twinning. And we just made it up. Take that, Oxford English. Half Price Game Wednesdays at Dave and Buster's. The only place to eat, drink, and play. Go to DaveandBusters.com for details, hours, and locations.
Strengthen America's independence at Bobstall Chevrolet in La Mesa, where the hottest best mileage American cars and trucks are on sale today. This 4th of July, make your new car or truck one of America's best. You'll find acres of Chevrolets on sale only at Bobstall Chevrolet's independent sale in La Mesa. And bring your import to Bobstall, and you'll find out how one of America's best high mileage cars or trucks can be yours today. So declare your independence, trade your import for any of America's best high mileage cars or trucks, and get a premium at Bobstall Chevrolet's independent celebration. Hear the Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. This report brought to you by Burger King. This weekend, Burger King celebrating the 4th of July with Original Chicken Sandwich for just $1.04. True American Original $1.04 starting July 2nd.
at Burger King. The 78 Banner Road and Injury Accident motorcycle down in the middle of the roadway looks like that rider's on the shoulder. Five northbound after Palm Avenue, the number two and three lanes are blocked by an unidentified object. The five southbound in Encinitas before Manchester Avenue, we have a three-car accident blocking the number one lane. This report also brought to you by Mossy Nissan. At Mossy Nissan, you can get a new 2011 Nissan Altima 2.5 S for $99 a month lease. plus tax, 12 at this lease payment. Restrictions apply at ends June 30th. See mossynissan.com for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Tuesday morning. Brought to you this morning, of course, by Frost Brewed Coors Light, San Diego's number one beer, Coors Brewing Company Gold in Colorado. Surf-wise today, we're continuing to see a similar combination to what we've been seeing for about a week right now. That southwest really swell direction remains dominant, but is slowly tapering off, and I do mean slowly. West-northwest still continues to join it, looking at waves running in that knee-to-waist-high range on average. Chest-high sets at some of the more open areas. Top spots, still seeing some shoulder-high fluffs that way, but again, very rare for those, and only at those selected areas most open to the dominant southwest swell direction.
Looking fairly fun right now. Broken up lines, not a lot of wind on them. Some Pikachu's corners, definitely looking fun on those bigger setways. Reef breaks, a little bit pot-shoddy, better up north from the Oceanside trestles areas as it's smaller down here overall. But if you have patience, there are sets coming through. Overcast skies, calm winds, and not a bad morning for a go-out. For up-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And again, we're proud to have this surf report sponsored by Frostbrood Coors Light. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily. Right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. Part of the problem with me is I like summertime. I just, I don't like going out and doing stuff. Lauren. I have ketchup packets in my drawer at home. So what? Woods. Mikey, I have a new ritual. What? I have to have a Dr. Pepper and a donut on the way to work every morning. Louisiana. I want to work out. I hate the gym, but I want to go. And Jay. I am a huge fan of meatloaf. On FM 94.9. We're going to tell you what women said are the biggest turn-offs that us guys have at the beach. Also...
Imagations coming up in just a moment. But we have a great announcement to make to you M1s right now. And M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You are crazy about the Mikey Show. You're nuts about the Mikey Show. You live and breathe and eat the Mikey Show. And when you call in. to the Mikey show, you turn your radio down. You get to the point you don't cuss. And you know the rules. That's what makes you an M1. And we thank all of our M1s for making the Mikey show what it is. Okay, so we are going to do something called Live in July. Every single day in the month of July that we are on the radio, we are going to have a live studio. Wow. Now, because we're going to do it every day that we're on the radio in July, we're going to do it for the nine o'clock hour. OK. And we also realize that because it's happening Monday through Friday, there's a lot of people that are going to have to do some planning if you're going to want to make it in here. So it's probably going to be easier for you if we do that nine o'clock hour rather than have everybody come in here and be here at five forty five in the morning. So every.
Day in the month of July that we're on the air, we are meeting and greeting M1 Nation. M1 Nation is a tribe. You're a part of something. If you belong to M1 Nation, you need to know M1 Nation is it's about you. It's about you. It's about us trying to to make you happy. We know we listen to you and we try. We're always trying. What can we do to make this an experience for you? We know driving to work is a whip. We know driving to work is a beating. We know that if we can give you entertainment every day while you're driving to work, it's rad, man. That's our job title, is to make you stoked on your driving to work. Which, by the way, your drive home from work, we found out yesterday, is a lot better. The 15 opened up yesterday, all that construction. 15's moving like crazy. But anyway, if you're a part of M1 Nation, congratulations. All month long in July. Live in July. We're going to have people in here every single day in the 9 o'clock hour. Now, Jay, what's the best thing? If people want to be involved, what do they do? Just go to the website and click on the little banner on the right, or there's also a rotating one up top.
Okay. Jared hooked it up. MikeyShow.com. M-I-K-E-Y-S-H-O-W.com. Go to MikeyShow.com. And it is a very easy process. You come in here. We're going to have coffee, stuff for you to eat. It's going to be really great. Donuts, Woods. Oh, boy. You ever put on 30 pounds in July? Yes. Word of the day is nectarine. Woods and I are taking our wives to Phoenix this weekend, staying with my brother, and we're going to see Jeff Bridges' sold-out concert where he plays his music from Crazy Heart, a movie that we fell in love with. Very gritty film. I'm so nervous. Bad Blake. Bad Blake. I hope he does a good job, and I know he will. I know he will. I'm nervous because I hope he does a good job and I'm fairly certain he won't. But I'm stoked to be there. I'm stoked to be there. I am. I'm stoked to be there. Fairly certain he will not do a good job. No, listen. Saw a YouTube clip of him doing the bad, but like I said, maybe the worst thing I've ever heard. I saw the same clip. The sound wasn't great. Maybe he's, you know, all I know is it's him doing the stuff. How bad can it be? You know what I mean? In my mind's eye, it's going to be.
I get to go see Bad Blake. Well, it's sold out immediately. He's only doing a couple of concerts across the country doing this. And we've got tickets to it. The only thing is you've got to get yourself to Phoenix and you've got to have a place to stay. It's July 3rd this weekend, Sunday night. And it's at the Arizona Biltmore. Arizona Biltmore Hollywood and Wine. I have a question for you. Yeah. Do you think it's going to be one of those concerts where people stand up or you think it's a full-on two-hour sit-down concert? Yeah, I believe it is a sit-down because from what I've been told, it's tables. Ooh. It's tables. Smoky lounge type. Minus the smoke. Minus the smoke. Yeah, I don't know that it is like, because it's a nice place. Woods knows about the Biltmore. I've been to the Biltmore, yeah. Isn't it a nice place? Biltmore's a super nice place. Yeah. It's like a resort, isn't it? Tables, cool. It's like a ballroom. It ain't outside because it's 112 degrees. Right. It's inside. And it's in a ballroom. Yeah. So we'll be sitting just taking it in. Yeah. Drinking it in real good. My brother said it was 112 degrees in Phoenix yesterday. It's a dry heat. Oh, my God. Yeah, like an oven. The dry heat bit. Yeah, sure. So is an oven. So anyway, live in July. Go to MikeyShow.com. Hopefully you're excited about it, Nation. You know, we want you excited about this. We want you.
to be stoked about it. All right, imagations is where we give a dialect or voice to Jay and he's got to do it. Now, the reason that we do this is because we found that, you know, Jay is very adept at doing a lot of things. Voices are not necessarily... I disagree. Okay. Well, let's find out. First. Jay, you are a German U-boat captain who has just spotted a British warship and has overcome with extreme excitement. Astros, stop what you're doing. Keep going. Keep going. Your boat is in the wrong zone. Please refrain from coming by here. Thank you. That's German U-boat captain. Thank you. That's perfect. Right on. Spot on. So good. It was a mix of German and English.
Well, I was supposed to say it in German. Now, at the very end of when I tell him, I'm going to give him just a taste to kind of get his head in there. Please do. Please do. The next voice is a British warship captain who has just been fired upon by a German torpedo and is overcome with extreme fear. I'm overcome with extreme fear. Why are you shooting at me? It is unfair that you shoot upon my ship. It is unfair. Why does Woods keep waving at me to continue? Oh, my God. I've only made it clear that I don't want to be shot upon. Oh, my God. Ever just freeze up? It's my favorite. That was fun. Okay, what's next? Next is a Japanese U-boat captain who just escaped from said German and British forces and thinks the situation is hilarious. Abs.
Absolutely hilarious. Oh, absolutely. I love to be shot upon. Oh, thank you very much. Your shooting upon me is greatly appreciated. Please keep going. I will keep going because you asked me so very nicely. Big breasted one. That's the beauty. That's the beauty. That's the beauty. Finally. Oh, finally. Finally, you are a Southern school girl writing to her diary about how she's just been asked to the spring dance by the most handsome boy at school. Oh, dear diary. How I love going to the dance at school. Would ask me and it made me so very happy. I hear he's greatly endowed and can't wait to find out. It's a British old woman. It's a British old woman. He's from the South. Dear diary. Dear diary. I'm going to the dance with wood. I love it. I love imaginations. I love imaginations. Every week it gets better. Thank you, Jay. Jay, you're overthinking it. He's sweating.
So many shimmies. So good, Jay! Alright, Sienna. What did women say is the four biggest turn-offs about us guys at the beach? Number one. Our breasts. I guarantee, number one, it will apply to me. I've not heard this. These aren't in a special order or anything like this. It's just one through four. Number one. Excessive body hair. Nope. Good to go. Number two. I shave my, I get a patch at the top and I shave it with a BIC. If I don't have a BIC and if the BIC isn't reaching the little carpet of hair that grows along the top. Don't call it a carpet. I have a man groomer. It's called a man groomer and it's like a big long wand that bends in half and it's a shaver. Click it open and... That's pretty rad. Is that the one you bought for Woods for Christmas? No, I got him one for... For the boys. For the boys. So appropriate. Even more appropriate. Was it Panasonic? Yeah. Things awesome. The Grundle. What? I know too much. Yep. The second thing women think is disgusting on men at the beach. Man boobs. I have those. Check. Man boobs. But I don't have to worry about showing them. Check. Because I don't take my shirt off. Thank you. Number three. A man with a huge belly taking his shirt off. Woods.
So that doesn't apply to me. Do you never take it off? No. What about when you go to Hawaii and stuff? No. How do you go in the water? Oh, no, you don't. You're not a t-shirt guy, are you? Don't say it. He has a rash guard. I have a rash guard. And I also have a... Let's just move on. What else? Rash guard is fine. That's acceptable. Do you wear a Shaquille O'Neal jersey in the pool? I have an Adidas sleeveless. Indeed, it's tank top. No, tank tops! Tank tops are never in the water. In the water? What am I supposed to do? Just take your shirt off. No, I have scars. Who cares? I do. We all have scars. Scars are souvenirs you never lose. Johnny Resnick from the Goo Goo Dolls said that. So you know it's good. How dare you? You're going to Resnick me? You just got Resnick.
Just take it off. It's a scar across the whole belly. It looks rad. It makes you look tough. It makes me look tough, dude. It makes me look tough. Yeah. We didn't have it after they had a C-section. Man, that dude is badass. He had a gastric bypass. No. Say, you know what happened? I got, I had a. Shark attack. Yeah, shark attack. I got stabbed. You're Mexican. They'll believe you. Maybe it's true. You should just get a teardrop tattoo. And then that way it'll, you know. Get a teardrop and be like, yeah, I got to serve a little time. No big deal. There you go. Dude, they'll be like, oh my God, tell me about it. Be honest. What? Get my wife on the phone. Don't. I need to ask you. Okay. Sienna. What? You're going to lie to me. You're going to make radio. Don't make radio. Well, because I think you're going to go, well, I think it'd be funnier if I say it. I will be whatever you say. Honest. Completely honest. Isn't it better for me to wear the Adidas workout tank top than to take my shirt off, have man boobs, and a...
Big, giant, vertical scar. The scar will not bother girls. The man boobs, we're going to see with the shirt on or off. Yes. So you might as well be comfortable in the water without the shirt off. I need to ask my wife if this is right. It's funny because he's fat. Oh, my gosh. This is, like, groundbreaking to me right now. Mike, we can see it, especially if you walk out with a wet T-shirt kind of cling to you. It doesn't. It doesn't. Because you have big jugs. It looks like spring break. It doesn't, though. It's more. tell you this. It's more embarrassing. 25. Three tons of them. It's more embarrassing to see a dude in the water with a t-shirt on. It's not a t-shirt. It's a freaking t-shirt. It just doesn't have sleeves. Where's Rebecca? I've seen it. I know it's blue, right? It's navy blue? Yes. Yeah, I've seen it. It's more embarrassing to see the guy come out of the water. I'm drawing more attention to yourself. You are. People are looking going, oh boy. Look at that guy. Damn it. Why didn't she tell me? It is worse. She's being nice. For you to run up the beach. She's being nice. You gotta flaunt it. Come on. If you gotta flaunt it. Rash guard is different, though. It is. That's the only exception. Wear a rash guard. You're good to go. Rash guard's okay? Oh, yeah. Because they're meant for the water. But you gotta pull it off when you get up. Yeah. Babe. Yeah. Have you heard the discussion? Yeah. Okay. Better for me to take the shirt off.
Are you asking me? Yeah, I'm asking. I'm ask telling because I want you to go. Yeah, babe, that's true. I just didn't. I didn't. I didn't know how to break it to you. You didn't know how to break what to me? No, you didn't know how to break it to me. That what? That it would be better for me to take my shirt off completely than to wear a tank top. You know what, babe? Whatever you're comfortable with. Let's see. She's sweet. She's loving. And she's a sweet angel. And she just, she says, if my hubby's comfortable, fine. Yep. Whatever you're comfortable with. Just like, you know, if I'm more comfortable, you know, wearing a one piece. Babe, but you look hot. You look hot. I hope that you would. No, but you do. You look hot. Yeah. Now, Jay. Jay. Let's see some. All right. Hey, hon. Yeah. But would it look better if I just. Tan and shirtless, even with the scar. I just want you to do what you're comfortable with. Asked and answered. Asked and answered. What's the answer? The answer is yes, you would look better, but I want you to be comfortable because I love you. I do love you so much. That's it.
That's fine. And it's not like we frequent the beach or whatever. True. But now I know. Hey, I'd be more comfortable without it. I just thought that people would be like, hey, Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton, Mike. Hardly. Can you help him, Nita? Sure. Sure, I can help. Oh, Nita. Sorry, he's... I won't tell you what he's asking for. Which one? Uh, Jake. And he's in the restroom and he needs help. It's his new bit. Thank you, honey. I love you. I love you. This is one of the greater days in my life. Just own it. Own it. Yeah. If you're coming in here tomorrow, tan without a shirt. Yes! What are you guys doing? Hey, because I was really proud of you. When you went on your last vacation, you got out of the hotel, you went snorkeling, you did all kinds of stuff in the water. Yeah. The guy that comes out with, like, the T-shirt, and it is a T-shirt. It's just sleeveless, but it's a T-shirt. That guy's the guy you look on the beach, you're like, oh, boy, with hiding that. You're not hiding anything. It draws attention to you. My buddy used to wear a jersey in the pool when we would go to the pool. Was he fat? Yes. His nickname was Biscuit, so you tell me.
He wore a jersey. Biscuit had to wear a jersey. Biscuit had to wear a jersey. He would call me, Mike, and go, hey, let's go to the pool. And I'd go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to be at the pool. Me and some other guys are going to be there. And you would have been okay going to the pool with him if he had just taken it off? But I had the guy in the Celtics jersey jumping in the pool. I had Biscuit in the Celtics jersey jumping in the pool with us. Yeah. And the girls were in the, a big group of girls would be like, oh boy, with the jersey. You're never going to see those people on the beach again anyway, so who cares what they think? I guess. You should get a teardrop out of your belly button. It means I murdered a Big Mac. Next, you're going to hear a couple of things. Call us if you have Woods of Wisdom questions. Woods is our man's man. It's any guy kind of question. It's an advice segment. Also, when we come back, you're going to hear a news anchor laughing at a fart story. So, that's next. If you have U-verse in your house, feel free to reference U-verse because here's the thing. This thing, it is doing so much for people right now. This thing will schedule at the same time that you do. You can't record all the different shows. This thing will.
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Test drive a 3 Series as responsibly as you can at your local BMW center today. For a limited time, lease the BMW 328i sedan for $339 a month. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. Don't let driving drive you crazy. Download the Road Stress Reliever app at 76.com and find your happy place. 76 Gas. They're on the driver's side. For a limited time, choose from .9% financing or BMW will make your first three payments on select certified pre-owned BMWs. Visit your local BMW center today or go to sdbmw.com slash CPO for details. This report is brought to you by Burger King. This weekend, Burger King celebrating the 4th of July with the original chicken sandwich, just $1.4. True American original, $1.4 starting July 2nd at Burger King. Heading into the National City area, the 805 northbound after Sweetwater Road, an accident over on the right shoulder. We got a weed whacker causing some issues on the 125 southbound before Spring Street. And the 78 westbound at the 5, an accident car going the wrong way.
on the right shoulder. This report brought to you by Keep Your Home California. Are you unemployed or do you owe more on your home than it's worth? Federal funds are available to help you. You don't have to lose your home. Visit keepyourhomecalifornia.org or you can call 888-954-KEEP. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Thick. I don't like thick bags. Lauren. My handbag is made out of recycled kimonos, okay? Woods. I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. Zienna. Look how fair my skin is. I got freckles. Get out of here. And Jay. Yeah, back rubs are kind of a specialty of mine. On FM 94.9. Still haven't said the word of the day yet, so keep listening for the word of the day. It's nectarine today, so when I weave that into a sentence, caller nine is going to get to go see the sold-out Jeff Bridges concert in Phoenix. You just got to get yourself there. Have a place to stay. Going to play the news anchor laughing at the fart story coming up. Also, Woods of Wisdom. It's okay. It's our system here. It'll hit stuff when I don't want it to, and it will not hit stuff when I do want it to. Kind of like Woods. What? Let's see what's going on in the news. Well, Facebook has hired an infamous PlayStation hacker who goes by the name GeoHot. It stands for George Hotz.
And he's a young programming whiz. He was the guy that back in 2000. That's my first radio name, by the way. He's the guy that came up with jailbreaking for phones back in 2008. So he's now going to be doing programming for Facebook. That dude is the first dude to figure out how to do that. Trippy. I know. Also, a bus-sized asteroid passed close to Earth yesterday, coming about 7,600 miles of the planet. They said it's harmless. It happens once every six years. But pretty crazy to see an asteroid that big. Yeah, it is. Woods, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to say by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some! Darnell Dockett is a defensive lineman for the Arizona Cardinals. Now, he was pulled over by police the other day for speeding. What do you do when you're pulled over by police? I say yes, sir, no, sir. And you give them your license and registration. Yes. What did Darnell Dockett do? Probably not that. He tweeted. What did he tweet? And continued to tweet. And continued to tweet. The whole time he was being pulled over, one of his tweets was, I don't know why the police always messing with me. He says he refused to allow them to start the search. Now, to his defense, you only get so many characters on Twitter. Right. So you have to shorten some things to make it all, you know, fit into the tweet, you know. Right, right. Well, he did not allow them to search his car. They wanted to search his car, and he didn't allow them. They didn't have a warrant.
And then he eventually tweeted that he was about to let go. But this just shows, man, how freaking crazy Twitter has gotten. Yes. And especially with athletes, man, they are tweeting about everything. And if you didn't hear about yesterday, the Padres did beat the Royals 4-3. Heath Bell picked up to save his 21st of the season. From Cleveland, ladies and gentlemen. Well, more bodily functions in the news this morning. The next time you pass gas. Make sure no police are around. A man in West Virginia faces assault charges after police say he passed gas and... The officer... I mean, don't laugh. After the man was already... Hold it together. Arrested for DUI. According to police... Come on now. You promised yourself you wouldn't do this. He passed the gas so loudly the officer said it was, quote, very odorous and created... and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature. Boy. See, that wasn't even right. To put that story in there was wrong. That was wrong, man. I didn't see it when I was looking through the script. He stuck that in there. Very odorous. There you go. All right. Again. Well, more bodily functions in the news this morning. The next time you pass gas, make sure no police are around.
A man in West Virginia faces assault charges after police say he passed gas and fantasize the officer. I mean, don't laugh. After the man was already arrested for DUI, according to police reports, I can't even get through this. He passed the gas so loudly the officer said it was, quote, very odorous and created and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature. Oh, my God. See, that wasn't even right. To put that story in there was wrong. That was wrong, man. I didn't even see it when I was looking through the script. He stuck that in there. Very odorous. See, Woods, you can get arrested for assault. That's right. I think I had to lose my mind. 570-1949 if you have a question for Woods. A guy-type question. Well, I know you need your words, your wisdom. Relationships can fix them.
Woods, I have a friend that always shows up empty-handed. He never brings anything, but has no problem eating and drinking everyone else's stuff. Come on, dude. What should I do? M1 scrapes. You gotta boot him. You gotta boot him? Yeah, you gotta boot him from the group. He's shunned. What does that look like? How do you do it? You do the fadeaway with him. Just like you do with a girl that you don't want to talk to. So you just stop inviting? Yeah. He is no longer invited. He's a freeloader. I don't think he's probably inviting him. He probably just knows the drill to go by his buddy's house. I'd say, hey, dude, this is getting ridiculous. I've got a routine. I do. Because Jay is the guy that shows up. That's true. Because Kim makes me do the right thing. I call him and go, hey, on your way over, pick up a bag of ice and a six-pack of beer. Oh, that's good. That's a great move. Yeah, if you got the chronic freeloader. You always give him a little chore to do on his way over. That's even better. You had to be chronic. Oh, boy. I say just shun the guy. What if he says, all right, that was $12.99 for that? Get it, pal. Yeah. 5701949 if you have a question for Woods. This is M1 John from San Diego. What's up, John? Hey, Woods. I got a little relationship question for you. I was playing basketball with my buddies the other day, and I came down kind of hard, kind of wrenched my back a little bit. Nothing too serious.
But I did have to go to the hospital, just, you know, get it checked out, be safe and all that. And there was this nurse there, and she was, you know, she was kind of eyeing me a little bit. And she was, oh, my, she was hot. Oh, my. Oh, my, she was hot. She was something else, man. You know? She was something else. I got it. Bees knees. And, you know, it seemed to me, and maybe this was just because I was really sweet on her, but she was coming by my room a lot, touching my arm. Right, it's called her rounds. I don't know. No, go ahead. She was touching my arm maybe a little more than she had to. It's not like she was groping me or anything, but, you know, she was kind of giving me that special look. I caught a smile every now and then. Yeah, you're feeling the vibe. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I kind of felt like there might have been something there. Okay. And, you know, I didn't do anything at the time, but I was thinking about it a little more on my way home, and I was wondering. It's a female nurse, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, female nurse, definitely. Okay. And I was just wondering, you know, maybe I should, you know, go by today, see if I can try to get her number. Yeah. Dude, I don't think there's any questions that you should. I think you make a move, pal. Don't.
Do a bit with this guy. I'm not doing a bit. Dude, let me tell you something. Don't. At this man's expense. Look at that. You're making me laugh. I just saw your face. You're making me laugh. Let me give this guy a word of advice. What's it going to hurt? If you want to close the deal, you've got to ask for the order. If you don't ask for the order, you're not going to get the deal. I, one time, went to pick up Chinese food for my family. Weird. Okay, yeah. And I walked in, and the girl that was taking, you know, answering the phones was stunning. And I left, and I caught a little vibe. I left, and I kicked myself for about a week. Went back, got her number, took her out. Had a great time. Woods. Yeah. This guy was in the hospital. Right. His nurse took care of him. Of course. She made the rounds. She came in. This is a classic case. of doing what you're supposed to do and a guy taking it the wrong way. I don't think so. You don't know that. And if nobody is going to be... You don't think a nurse ever fell for a patient? A nurse doesn't date? Does she not date? Yes, they do. Of course. She needs a boyfriend too, maybe. But I think that they know that they can't go into a patient's room and hit on it. Well, I got it. And maybe she wasn't...
per se hitting on him you know but i think i think he said she felt he felt a vibe yeah just a vibe it's just a vibe he he said that he could tell that she was eyeing him now his voice is a little bit high okay now all i'm saying about that is is that this guy she comes in right and i'm just saying this observationally Please do not anybody take this as I'm making fun because I'm not. But she comes in. She's doing her rounds. And he's like, hey. And she says, hi, how are you? And she's just trying to help out, right? She's doing her bit. She's doing her job. How you doing? Where are you going with that? Where are you going? You're certifiably insane. You're insane. Excuse. You are insane. Excuse. Excuse. Let's hear it. I'm only saying. Says the dating expert. You think she was laughing? You think she was laughing? No, I do not. You think she was smiling because she was laughing inside? No, I do not. I'm simply stating what you're born. I am not thinking that. I'm not thinking that. Oh, how dare you, Jay? I've even got. How dare you, Jay? I've got a move for this guy. I already got it planned out for him. What is it?
What he needs to do is you need to go back to that hospital. You need to find her. If she's not there, you leave her a nice note. Or if she is there, maybe you get her some flowers. You say, hey, I wanted it. Brilliant. Yeah, you tell her. You tell her. You guys are nuts, and you're going to get this poor guy embarrassed. No. He walks in and goes, hey, I just wanted to thank you so much for taking care of me last week. You really made this. I'm not a big fan of hospitals. You really made this. That's nice. There's nothing wrong with that. Mike, if it was me. I would be, it's not extreme. It's romantic. It's romantic and it's nice. They're not romantically involved. It doesn't matter. Dude, you know how many girls I've given flowers to I wasn't romantically involved with? You walk in, you take your flowers and say, I just want to drop these off because you were awesome. Lauren, I'd be having sex with that girl in two days. I'd be having sex with her in two days. Two days. First of all, Mike, stop it. No, how dare you? How dare you? Lauren, how? How dare you? You should look in the mirror. You should. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. He has a little bit of a high voice, but you walk in and you say. Thank you for taking care of me. And you are doing something right now that is going to set him up for disaster. No, it's not. It's going to set him up for disaster. Okay, let's play this out. Let's play it out. Let's say he walks in and gives her flowers. Sienna, we'll play it out.
He gives her flowers. He goes, hey, listen, I just wanted to thank you. You really took good care of me, and I hate hospitals. You really made this easy. My name's Mike, by the way. It's good to meet you. Hi. Hey, I was wondering, do you want to have dinner sometime? How about a cup of coffee? Okay. Emma and John, try that on Sienna. Try that on Sienna, John. Yeah, okay. Hi, good to see you again. Oh, hey. Yeah, good to see you, too. Listen, I just wanted to, you know, come in, give you these. I really wanted... Oh, my gosh. You're so sweet. Oh, I'm glad you're feeling better. Oh, she got the, oh. It's the placating, oh. It's all right. You made it great for me, and I just wanted to give these to me, and I was wondering, you know, you want to... Give these to me? Maybe. Sorry. John, you've got to be smoother than that. Let me do it. Can I do it? No, because you've got a mouthpiece. You've got a great thing. John needs to practice. Let me do it. No, it's not your life. It's not your life. John, you're doing excellent. I'm not your life. John, you've got to smooth it up, pal. Smooth it up, John. Come on, try it again. Oh, my gosh. Hi, how are you?
Hey, I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm doing awesome, thanks. Are you doing better? You look great. I'm feeling better, and it's all thanks to you. Listen, I just wanted to come in, give you these. You made it a great experience for me. I hate hospitals, but I didn't hate being with you. Like I said, I wanted to give you these, and hey, I wanted to ask, maybe you want to go get dinner sometime? With you? No one would say that. Yes, they would too. Yes, they would too. Yes, they would. Not only would they. That's not really appropriate, Mr. Nelson. You're not helping. You're not helping by not being honest. You're not helping by not being honest. Dude, that is exactly what I would do. He did it better. He did it better. He did it better because he made his voice deeper. And that's good. He needs to do that. You're a monster. I am not a monster. I am helping because I'm being honest. And that is what people need. I know now. Don't wear a tank top to the ocean. You shouldn't wear a tank top to the ocean.
Somebody needs to say, John. That's an outside thing. His voice is his voice. Mikey, if he follows my five-point plan. My scar is my scar. It helps. It's not about you. It's about John. If John follows my plan. Pipe. If he follows my plan, he will have some intercourse with her. No, he will not. Yes, he will. No, he will not. I'm telling you. He will. Trust me. He will have some restraining order with her. Okay, so here's the deal. Let's say it goes. Let's say it goes as bad as it can go and she goes, well, thank you for the flowers, but I have a boyfriend or I know I'm not going to go to dinner with you. Okay. He slinks out of the hospital. It sucks for about five minutes. It's happened to all of us. He never sees her again. Yeah. No big deal. You can't close until you ask for the order. If he felt a vibe, he's got to act on that vibe. First of all, I believe John. The man's got a point. John. The man's got a point. Get in there, pal. John. Really get in there. Woods, whenever we have a meeting. Whenever we have a meeting with the Mikey show, doesn't matter what kind of a turd idea is thrown out there. Woods will like it. Not a true statement. It's a true statement. It's a true statement. 87% of the time. 97, 98% of the time. 99. I've stumped him a couple of times. Jay's got me a few times. 99% of the time he will say, okay, so he sugarcoats. I'm not going to sugarcoat. I'm going to tell you, know your strengths.
Know your weaknesses. Stop it. No. Don't know your weaknesses. What is he supposed to do? He did it. I have no idea. He made his voice deeper. He made his voice deeper. Okay, put on a fake voice then, but take the flowers. I'm not saying put on a fake voice. You are. Deepen it a bit. deepen it a bit. If he goes in their woods and he goes, hey, how you doing? Listen, you took care of me last week. It was not how he talked. That's not how he talked. You're a monster. You are a monster. How dare you? John, go get her. What if he does this? Okay, I'm coming around on the whole flower idea, but it can't be like... Just for romantic purposes. It has to be as a thank you. That's what I'm saying. Daisy's in a cigar box. No, but what if he had flowers delivered and like with a note. Bam! And the note. So he wasn't there. He wasn't awkward. She wasn't put in a weird spot. Leave his number. He came with a note and his number was on the note. Leave his number. She might not remember him though. She may not remember him. But you can say. You can say in the note. I guarantee if he does it Woods' way, she'll remember him. That's what I'm saying. Hey, I'm telling you. He may score. You get in there. Works. Or go down swinging.
Yeah, go down swinging at least, Mikey. You've got to make the voice deeper. You're sitting on the sidelines. Get in the game, pal. Get in the game. That's how you get in the game. Great. Wizzy closes a lot of business. That's right. Used to. I used to. Used to. Used to. Justin Timberlake doesn't have a deep voice, and he closes more business than three of you triples. He doesn't have a high voice, and the deal is. He does. I met him. I mess up, Mike. I didn't know that L.O.B. He talks like this. Yeah. This is how disenfranchised. I've seen him on TV. He's also famous. That helps. What about Bieber? Look at Bieber. High voice. Adam Levine. He's gay. Yeah, those guys all have hundreds of millions of dollars. That's right. Right. See, that sounded better. It's way better. It's way better than when he first started. Now, John, if you make that voice deeper. He was nervous. I understand. All I'm saying is that I got to know what my strengths and weaknesses are. This is what I got going against me. The way I look. I know this. I know. Listen, are we going to put on the honest cap? Are we going to put on the honest cap? Yeah. I know going into a situation, I have my strengths, my weaknesses. My looks are not my strength. My strength, my brain, my mouthpiece, my personality, whatever. So I'm not going to go into a place with my shirt off being like, obviously.
You know what I'm saying? Who is? Nobody is. I'm not telling anybody if it's a lifeguard. He's just trying to let John know. I'm trying to let John know. Listen, man. He may not be aware. You've got to go into this thing. Don't support him. And you've got to take those situations where there's deficits and you've got to make them into positives. Fine. I will give you that. He can work on that. But, John, you can't win if you don't play. That's right. You cannot win if you don't play. He's got to play. He's got to. And I say walk in there like the guy from the rated R movie that you're not sure if you like yet and you walk in there and you close that business. You get the big fame. Don't be the PG-13 guy. You know what it means. He knows what it means. So does every guy out there. They know what it means. Be the guy from the rated R movie. You're not sure if you like him yet. Don't be PG-13, guy. Don't go in there all sweet. Walk in there with a little arrogance. M1 Corey from Fallbrook. He's thanking God. Hey. What's up? You're welcome, Joe. What's up? Hey, you know what, dude? A guy that says, oh my, hot. When you guys settle down. See, I'm the monster. The man. Leave him alone. He is giving this man advice.
Do not go in there and say to this woman, he can't go in there and go, hey, listen, I wasn't here last week, and oh, my. Oh, my. You can't, dude. You cannot do that. You have to know. That's why I said B-rated R guy. Don't be PG-13 guy. I bet you he's handsome. I bet you he is. He doesn't have to worry about saying, oh, my. Guy was playing hoops with his buddies. He hurt his back. He's probably an athletic guy. He was also on medication, though. That's what I'm saying. Hey, listen, I was, too, and you do not want to see what was happening then. I'll tell you what. Yeah, shrinkage. Baby cat. Oh, my gosh. It was the most humiliating time of my life. 28-year-old woman nurse had to come in pretty and put in a catheter. And it was the most humiliating moment of my life. Of my life. You know? There's been a few. There's been a few. And talk about... knowing where your deficit is and not being able to do anything about it. If he wanted to, he can change his voice. He can, hey, how you doing? Okay? There's nothing you can do about certain things. He probably doesn't have to. I bet you he's a sharp guy. I bet he is. Well, with my tutelage, he's going to go close that nurse real good. Do it. Go make it so. Tutelage? Yes. What is tutelage? Woods of wisdom, pal. M1 Mikey from Escondido. Mikey. Hey, Mike. Yes.
Hey, I, you know, I'm kind of asking about the high voice thing. This is something he can't change. It is. It is. And he did. He did change it. He did change it. It's fake. No, it didn't sound fake. John, John, John, give me that voice again. The deep one. The deep voice. You want the deep voice or do you want the really deep barrel? Not that. See, not that. Not that. Send a note. Send a note. Send a note. Send a note. Just be yourself. John did make his voice a little bit deeper. It's the equivalent of brushing your hair and making yourself look nice. Proflowers.com. Send a note. Get in there, John. I got a high voice. There's nothing I can do. Are you saying I shouldn't ask for the order, like Wood says? What I'm saying is that you have to know what your strengths and your weaknesses are. If you have a high voice, let me hear what it sounds like if you were to just deepen your voice a bit. As deep as I can go.
You know what? That sounds... Just do a British accent. That'll make you sound cool too. It's just like brushing your hair. Try it. Mikey, what you just did, I think sounded pretty cool. Okay. No, I should just deepen the voice. No, Mikey. Hang on. Be yourself, Mikey. Be yourself. There's no reason to not put on some sharp clothes, and when you do that with your voice, you're just putting the best foot forward. You're being fake. Lie to her. One man's fake. is another man's brushing up. Then when does he stop? What if he closes business? When does he stop and start being himself? Just like I did. Once you have her trapped. Yeah, you trap her. You make her fall in love with you and then once she's in love, she can't get out. Yeah, also try chloroform. Thank you for the call, Mikey. John, thank you for the call. We appreciate you. Good luck. Get some, John. Maybe give us an update. Don't say oh my. Don't say oh my. Don't do this. Don't do any other fake voices. Please see her today. Yes, don't do fake voices. Go get her. Thank you, John. All right. Thank you, guys. For the record. Poor John. He's going to close that deal. He's going to close that deal, and you're going to be silly. You're going to eat your words. Okay. She's saying that. But when he said hello to us. I know. It was a little hot. It sounded like Mickey Mouse. It sounded like Mickey Mouse. Hello.
person in this room. He was nervous. He was nervous. They all... I don't know what you're talking about, Mikey. M-I-C. Be real soon. It's okay to have a high voice. It's okay. See, now that is over the line. Okay, fine. I'm the monster. We'd love for that. Hello, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Like Anya Marina, she is coming back to town. She'll play the Cow's Bar on July 7th. And Black Rebel Motorcycle Club played the Del Mar Racetrack July 29th.
The next FM 94.9 about the music show is with the Bell Brigade at the Belly Up for $6 on August 2nd. Weezer plays the track August 6th. Big Sonic Chill presents Sia at House of Blues August 11th. Death Cab for Cutier at the Remake August 16th. And there's a ton of other shows this summer, like Company of Thieves, The Kills, TV on the Radio, Two Door Cinema Club, Peter, Bjorn, and John, The Naked and Famous, The Foo Fighters, and The Damned. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. How to go on a tropical vacation without going to the tropics. Step one, go to McDonald's and order a new McCafe mango pineapple real fruit smoothie made with low-fat yogurt starting at $2.39. Welcome to McDonald's. Hi, I'd like a mango pineapple smoothie. Step two, lay in a hammock. If your car doesn't have a hammock, pull over and lay the seat back. Step three, roll down all the windows and turn on the radio. Ah, there it is, man. Step four, slip off your shoes and take a long, delicious sip of your mango pineapple smoothie, savoring that luscious mango and juicy pineapple flavor. Step five, repeat step four as often as desired. McDonald's new mango pineapple smoothie, starting at 2.39. The simple joy of paradise in every sip.
Price and participation may vary. McDonald's would like you to know that they're open late. They're also open late, late, and way late. In fact, many locations throughout San Diego County are now open 24 hours. So drive through any time. Participation varies. Hey gang, this is John. I'm the guy that just called in. I wanted to tell you about the new H. He's not here. He went to the bathroom. This is John. You're a monster. He, Woods, told me to tell you about the new HTC Trophy. Don't do that. If you try to get this new phone, if you go demo, you could win a free Xbox 360. Shut up. Or if you go demo the phone, you could get a free Xbox 360 game. Halo Reach, Kinex Sports, or Lode Runner. I'm back. Dude, I just had to go to the bathroom. OPW is here. Your old pal, Woods. Gotta tell you, the HTC Trophy phone. Oh, wow. Is that Verizon? Go check out this new phone. It's the HTC Trophy, and it is killer. It's got Office, Xbox Live, and thousands of apps. Well, anyway, get to Verizon. Check out the new HTC Trophy. Life's better with baseball. And the 2011 season rolls on with more than 145 live Padre games exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego. And then Padres win.
Join John Weisbarth, Jenny Kavnar, and me, Bob Scanlon, for the Sequoia Casino postgame show. And as always, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter all season long. The Padres continue their series with the Royals, 630 Tuesday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4 San Diego. Now, during Toyota's July 4th Spectacular, it's great savings, great selection, and a great time to buy. Yes, save thousands with 0% financing on a new 2011 Camry, Corolla, or Avalon.
Get zero APR on a new Sienna, Highlander, or Tundra. There's even 0% financing on a new 2011 Benza. And every new Toyota comes with ToyotaCare complimentary maintenance. See your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Limited term financing through Toyota Financial Services to qualify Tier 1 plus through Tier 3 credit customers only. Excludes hybrid models. Vehicles must be purchased from new car dealer stock by midnight 7511. ToyotaCare covers normal factory scheduled service. Plan is two years or 25,000 miles, whichever comes first. The new Toyota vehicle cannot be part of a rental or commercial fleet or a livery or taxi vehicle. See plan or your participating Toyota dealer for complete coverage details. This is the sound of Becky using a deposit-friendly ATM from Chase. So I just push the deposit checks button and slide these checks right in the slot.
This is the sound of Jane depositing checks at her bank's ATM. Ugh, I gotta lick this envelope. Ow! Becky. And I get a picture of my checks on the receipt to confirm. Jane. I got a paper cut on my tongue. Becky. Okay, I'm done. Jane? Excuse me, can I borrow your pen again? I forgot to put my account number on the envelope. Say goodbye to deposit slips and envelopes with Chase Deposit Friendly ATMs, a faster way to deposit checks, even cash. Deposit up to 30 checks and 50 bills at a time. Just slide them in. And with a picture of your check on your receipt, you know that your deposit is safe and secure. Now that's a step forward. Thank you. Here's a pound bag. Deposit-friendly ATMs from Chase. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Deposits are subject to the fund's availability policy. See a banker for details. JPMorgan Chase Bank N.A., member FDIC. Circus Circus Las Vegas has fun for all agents. You'll be amazed by the world-class circus acts and the Adventure Dome theme park that features 25 rides and attractions. You can get your game on with over 200 carnival and arcade games. Save 40% off lowest rates and kids eat free.
You'll also receive great resort extras like two well drinks, two premium rides, two midway games, and so much more. Visit CircusCircus.com for more information. Attention FM 94.9 listeners. San Diego Hydroponics and Organics is running a special promotion just for you. Visit sdhydroponics.com slash 94.9 to claim your promotion code. Good for 20% off your next purchase. This discount is being offered exclusively to FM 94.9 listeners. Visit sdhydroponics.com slash 94.9 to claim your promotion code. Good for 20% off your next purchase. Call San Diego Hydroponics and Organics at 619-796-1857. Dehydro. Grow your own.
Report, it's brought to you by In-N-Out, serving you fresh grilled, fresh cut, freshly made to order food since 1948. In-N-Out, that's what a hamburger is all about. Well, we have a little backup here on the 76 eastbound Mission Road, a two-car crash. Also on the 67 at Highland Valley Road, a two-car accident. They've moved it out of the roadway. They're just waiting on a tow truck. And the 805 northbound between Balboa Avenue, Governor Drive, stop and go in the teens this morning. This report brought to you by the Mini Cooper Hard Topic. It's 37 miles per gallon. That's 30. commute changing, rarely having to fill your tank miles per gallon. Visit manyofsdcounty.com for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Just one day, if I could be Tom Brady. Lauren. I like it, why not? You like the arm tip? Yeah, it's family. Woods. I love the breasts. Zienna. Your compass is a classic. And Jay. Yeah, I shaved my legs one time. On FM 94.9. Jay just pantsed Woods. So bad. And I mean, Sienna saw the back and Chris. Poor Chris. I thought Chris was going to cry. Poor guy. He's hanging out with the big dogs. Chris saw the front. And Jay, he had your track pants. He pulled them all the way to your knees. They were at my knees. And that is a true statement. They were at my knees. I know. I do have a nice butt. You do.
It's not as bad as you thought it would be. No, I thought it would be hideous. I look up, I'm like, oh, oh my God. Sienna stared straight into my white bottom. Both cheeks were exposed. And let me tell you, as absolutely dirty birdie as L.O.B. is, she goes, if that has been the other way around, I'd have been mad at Jay. She said, I would have said... You've crossed a line. I was going to do it while he's in this trophy spot. Oh, my God. If I saw Frenzel, I would have been upset. Me, too. Really upset. Oh, come on. If I saw Frenzel, they're all the same. I couldn't look you in the face anymore. I'd always look down and be like, I saw it. I saw it. It's a true statement. Can you imagine if that had happened during... I can't. I can't. It makes me... I wouldn't really care. I would have had a concussion. You would have been embarrassed. I would have been embarrassed, but I wouldn't have been like, because I look like a Serbian right now, so that's what would have embarrassed me really badly. I would have fainted. I look like a 40-year-old Serbian, man. Stop, please. Chris got the whole bit. He's shaking his head for Chris. Okay, thank you. That's my friend, Chris. One of the funniest things I've ever heard is my brother, Sam.
when he was in college, worked for the college radio station. And he and his friend, their bit was try to make each other laugh while the other was on the air. I did it too. I did this too later in my career, but my brother did this in college and there was a window like this that was separated by glass. You could not get my brother. Nothing this guy did could get my brother to crack. And if you knew Sam, you know, like he can withstand. A comedy onslaught. He would have been great for the show Make Me Laugh. He'd have won millions of dollars because he can withstand it. And this guy used to try everything in his arsenal. Never got him. Except for once. He put his fresh hams against the window. Oh my gosh. And tooted. That got Sam. Nothing ever got him.
That got him. That got him. Mine was, and I was the same thing because I remember the story, right? I remember my brother's story. And so I used to do this when I worked in Rochester, New York. It was a radio network. Beautiful building, beautiful equipment. Everything was pristine. So in that environment, it made it funnier for some reason. But it was a guy, it was our news guy. His name was Tor Constantino. handsome guy and looked the part of a journalist and a news guy he really really did he had a mustache no beard and it was sort of a tom sellick thick stash thick stash and he was a sharp guy in fact he went on to do television uh but this conversation came up one night and uh
I remember this was back in the day before I knew God. And he was a very devout Christian guy. And I wasn't. And I used to make inappropriate jokes. And he was always very cool, you know, blah, blah, blah. And we got in this conversation one night. And I told him about how my brother had never been able to be made laugh and then did. And I said, I've done this for years. Nobody's ever got me. He said, I can get you. Now, coming from this guy. I knew, what are you going to do? Like, spill some milk? Really, I was thinking, what can he possibly do? And I said, there's no way that you'll ever get me. And he said, all right. So we go into the next break. And we're on the air. And I'm doing this thing. I'm doing this spiel. And I turn it over to him for the news. He starts to read the news. And in the middle of a story.
He hits the cough button. Now, the cough button means it turns your microphone off in the middle of you talking like that. He hit the cough button, and he went, and he blew as hard as he could through his nose, and boogers went onto his stash. And so he went from the microphone back on, and he went, and in other news, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he kept getting, and I... With boogers everywhere? It wasn't everywhere. It was just on his stash. How did he know he could do that? Because he'd probably done it for his brother or something. He booger stashed you is what he did. Dude, I laughed until my eyes were bright red. It looked like I'd been stung by bees. I laughed so hard. I'd never seen anything so funny than him. And then just...
Right into that story. It was the greatest. It was the greatest. That's awesome. Ew. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is the chariot. Starfish. Good one. We're going to tell you about the DNA test that was done at the complex on a dog's poop to reveal which dog had pooped. Nice. Nice. Smooth. Santa, tell me about... This DNA thing that was done. Well, it's called poo prints. What's that? Sorry? It's called the poo prints. How's that? Like fingerprints, but poo prints. What is it? Well, it's a new thing that a New Hampshire apartment complex is now mandating for the residents that are going to be living in this complex. They need to have pet DNA samples. Poo prints. Come on. So that everyone that lives in this complex that has a dog has to...
Have their dog's mouth swabbed and give poop so that they can match the DNA of each poop that's left on the grass so they know who the culprit is if the owner doesn't pick up after the dog. Anyone have a problem with it? Not really. Not me. Yeah. Well, they said that. Excuse me. I got a bubble in my throat. They said about 98. Sienna just boogered all over her mustache. I got a bubble in my throat. Stop booger stashing us. Don't booger stash me. Don't booger stash me. 98% of the residents, they say that they pick up after the dogs, but there are those people that don't. And so now they're always going to be able to. Fine. Yeah, absolutely. But they say, you know, you don't have to live here if you don't want to give us your footprints. You know who doesn't get in there? Yeah, exactly. It's such a waste of money and resources. Come on. It's not. They don't want people. They don't want poop. Poo prints. They don't want poop all over. Poo prints. Install cameras. M1Amy from Claremont. What was the word of the day? Oh, my God. It was nectarine.
That is correct. How did you hear that? You were listening really close. I will weave that into a sentence. Sometimes you'll never even notice. Wait, did I win the Jeff Bridges ticket? Yes, you did. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yep. Okay, so, like, are we driving? Well, not me. Not me and you. I love it. I don't know. What are you doing? Amy, can you get yourself to Phoenix and get a place to stay in Phoenix? I'm not staying with you guys. You guys should just let her come with you. Yeah, she sounds sweet. We're staying at my brother's. Okay, that's fine. No, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean, like, you just said we. You just said we. Well, by we, I meant me and you and your wife. I have a husband. Okay, cool. Well, you can take him, and as long as you guys can get yourselves to Phoenix, you're going to a sold-out Jeff Bridges concert. Okay. All right. Okay. So are we driving or? Just hang on the line. Just hang on the line. Just hang on the line. She's good. She is. She got you. She's going to email. She's like, what time are we leaving? Seriously, what time are you picking me up? Time to get off. Sienna is going to play date or marry with us. Yeah. She has a list. She's going to give us a list of names and we will tell her whether we would prefer to date or marry.
It's a pretty long list, so I'll go through them. And yeah, you guys just say. Is that just an easy way of saying slay or not slay? Yes. Well, I'm going to do date or marry. I'm going to do slay or marry. Jay? I'm just going to slay. Slay all of them. Carrie Underwood. Date. Unfortunately. Yeah. Wow. Date. Crazy. Crazy B. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Anybody that has a song. That says that she carved her initials. Scared me to death. Now she wrote it. That's fair enough. Rachel McAdams. Who's that? The Notebook. Mary. Wedding Crashers. Gorgeous. Is she the redhead? No. Dark. I would neither date nor marry. I would marry. That's Todd's number one. Why? Because she's almost perfect. She's an angel. She's an angel. Okay. Giselle, Tom Brady's wife. Victoria's Secret model. Date. Date. Date. Repeatedly. Why? That accent would drive me up the wall. Up the wall. She's six foot nine. Scarlett Johansson. Let me think. Really? Well, dude, I mean, we're talking about getting married, spending the rest of your life. It's Scarlett Johansson. Okay.
But I got to think about what she's all about. She smokes. Yeah. Maybe I'd prefer to date her and not to marry her. Marry. Oh, no. Date. Definitely date. Wow. Definitely date. Date. She dated Sean Penn. Yeah. Cool. That's not the girl for me. I would too. That's not the girl for me. Jessica Simpson. Hmm. That's really tough because. My husband said marry. I almost, you know, my inclination was that there's something about the fact. Really fun. Well, there's something about the fact that she's an airhead that would make me feel superior. Oh, my gosh. I was just thinking the same thing. What about her open gas policy? I don't like that. I got that, too. I have an open OGP in my house. Not with your wife? For me. Yeah, yeah. She does it, though, bro. I know. She openly toots. That would just date her. I don't care. You don't. You say all.
If I had a preference, I wouldn't want to, but she doesn't do it around me. You'd marry? Jessica Simpson used to do it for fun and games. I think she used to. To Nick Lachey. Yeah, I know, but I'd still marry her. I'd marry her. See, and I actually had to think about that because of that. You said before that a girl would have to take a poop in Germany. Well, that's true. That's true, but, you know. If she's really hot, it's okay. Yeah, there we go. How about you, Jay? What'd you say? I said I would date her. Okay. Kate Middleton. Oh, I'd marry her. I'd marry Kate Middleton. She's a very classy woman. She's a smart woman. She's beautiful. She's the right deal. I'm going to say date. What is mentally wrong with you? I think she would get old after a while. I think you would get old with her. She'd be a baby. She's at date. Wait, wait, wait. Not fun. No fun. I just want to understand this. I just want to understand this. Kate Middleton would get old. Yeah. Jessica Simpson wouldn't. Oh, she's fun. Kate Middleton would get old. Right. Okay. She's too prim and proper. Yeah. Jessica Simpson would make it real right. Oh, a sport of tea. Yeah. She's too prim. I don't like prim. Everybody gets normal after a while. Oh, I know. I know. I know. But I just think for her, it'd be cool for a couple times and then too prim and proper. Cameron Diaz. Date. No question about it.
I'm thinking, man, and I'm thinking about something about Mary, and I would marry her. If it's the Cameron Diaz for something about Mary, I marry her. We're not talking about movie characters. Well, I know, but I just think of that. The mask? How long was she in the mask? She was great in the mask. Would you want to marry that? Hang on just a second. Everyone hold up for a second. Hang on just a minute. I just almost put on my hands. Lauren, can I ask you a favor? Well, I'm going to beg you. Never do that noise. That noise. Oh, God, it scared me to death. It's like a dolphin laugh. I marry her. Oh, you're weird. Jay? I said date. Date? Reese Witherspoon. Date. Yeah, date. Boring? Naggy. Naggy. Just a ball breaker. Get the Garmy. Take out the Garmy. Get the groceries. Angelina Jolie. Date. Date. Mary. You are really crazy. He loves crazy. He loves crazy. Oh, Mary. Mary and Mary again. It was so instant, too. And again. It was so instant. And again. You know she's crazy. And again. And again. Mary a thousand times. Blood necklace wearing. A hundred percent. Brother make your outer.
Maybe a pentagram on the floor. You'd be in it. How about Casey? What's her name? Anthony? Casey Anthony. Date. Really? Are you sure? Because she's pretty crazy. Angelina Jolie. You're comparing a kid killer to Angelina Jolie. That's a little extreme. Well, now I have to go to Jennifer Aniston. Mary. Date. Oh, date. Annoying. Yeah, ball breaker. Yeah. Needy. Very needy. Very needy. Very needy. You guys. This is the greatest game known to man. I have a lot more. Well, keep them coming. Just tell me what you want me to stop, Mike. Katy Perry. You freak woods. You freakish freak. He said the same thing. You would marry Katy Perry? Oh, I didn't say that. You're going to. Oh, you're right. No, I date her. She's too creamy for me. Creamy? Oh my gosh. She's going to balloon up. She's going to balloon up. You watch. She's going to look like Okra Winfrey here in about two years. I want to meet her mom first. What was the line from The Breakfast Club? Then I'm in. I'd marry her. That Judd said. Judd Nelson said. Yeah. You'll balloon up. A few puppies and then. Oh my gosh.
There's a fat girl inside waiting to get out. That's what he said. Oh, she's terrible. She's so awful. It's a true statement. Oh, my God. Natalie Portman. Mary. Date. Neither. Yeah, date. Oh, you're crazy. And I used to say W... W... W... W... E? J.D.? And... J.D.? But now I think she's kind of wacky. I'm over her. Oh, I would marry her. I had nothing. Neither. How old would... 12-year-old boy. Get off. Yeah, 12-year-old boy. 12-year-old boy. Yeah. Oh. Lindsay Lohan. Oh, yeah. Date. Date. Date real good. I would neither date nor marry Katy Perry or Lindsay Lohan. You would counsel Lindsay Lohan. I would counsel Katy Perry and Lindsay Lohan. I don't think Katy Perry's got any problems. She just kissed a girl and liked it. Oh, she did more than that. You know what song I was listening to? Oh, never mind. Mila Kunis. The girl from the 70s show. You said she had bug eyes yesterday. Yeah, yeah.
That was assessing whether or not she was perfect. Yeah, that was a whole different conversation. Different. I think I might marry Mila Kunis. Me too. No, I'd date her. What? She's amazing. Yeah, she just would ride along. She's very cool. She's like a very cool chick. She would wear you down. She would not. Jay just changed my mind. Not in a good way. He genuinely did. Don't let him. He did. It's too late. He did it. I'll marry her. She dated Macaulay Culkin. Obviously, she's not a nagger. Yeah, for like eight years. Yeah, forever. Look at him. She's obviously chill. Yeah, chill check. All right. Shania Twain. Oh, my. You guys are just too much, aren't you? Booter. She's got too strong of a personality, which is why I would say I would... date her, but her personality is too strong. Yeah, neither for me. I don't want to pass. You have to do one or the other. Alright, I'll date her then. She seems very alpha. I'd date her and leave at 5 o'clock in the morning and tell her I had a racquetball game I had to get to. I wouldn't date her anymore. She does the thing that you advocate, Mike, the fake voice. She's Canadian, but pretend she's a southerner. That's a true statement. Halle Berry. Date.
She's crazy. She is. Certifiably. Brooklyn Deckerwood. Mary. Don't know anything about her. He's obsessed with her. It'd be fun to date her. I'd marry her. What? I wouldn't date her or marry her. I'm sorry. You're a clown. I'm sorry. Next. Shakira. Get it, Mikey. Oh, man. Shakira, Shakira. I'd break up with her. So you would date her? What's wrong with Shakira? She looks like a... fun dating. Yeah. She looks like a very fun date. Her hips don't lie. I don't know. I think I'm racist against my own race. She's Colombian. I'm not attracted to Mexican looking women usually. I don't know. Maybe it's just because I grew up around it and so I'm attracted to the blondies or whatever. She's blonde. She's blonde. I don't know. She is. Not naturally.
I can't say. What? Not natural. You guys know. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't happen. The girl from Modern Family, same thing. Yeah, it does. Yeah, but she went to brown. Yeah, but they're both Colombian blondes. It happens. Yeah, it does. Absolutely. They not attract. Tina Fey. Mary. It's a curveball. Mary. Jay's really thinking about this one. Probably Mary. Bounce bits off her. Yeah. She does voices and stuff. That'd be awesome. That was fun. Good. Love it. Is EBW here? Yes. Can we have her come in? Can we have her come in? Yeah, she wants to come in. All right. I want to talk to EBW because I know she's got something to tell us. Talk to EBW. Oh, man. Wait till I tell you. This story is so crazy to me. And I want to get people to see what you think about this story. And I'm going to save it until we get back. Mikey Show coming up. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. Listen, with AT&T wired, you get all the speed you need. It comes at a great price. $14.95 a month. Now.
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2888. Heading on to the 163 southbound between Washington Street and the 5. It is stop and go this morning. Also the 805 northbound between Balboa Avenue and Governor Drive. Slowing in the teens and it's pretty much the same story here on the 56 westbound between Carmel Valley Road and the 5. This report also brought to you by the 99 cents only stores. You can splash into savings this summer. Get bright colored inflatable balls, swim rings and arm floats for only 99.99 cents each. Kids will have hours. of fun at the pool or at the beach. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Or may not have heard us make an announcement this morning that the Mikey Show will be doing live in July, which means that every single day we'll have a live studio audience starting at 9 a.m. If you want in, go to MikeyShow.com. Also, if you didn't know, Jay and Woods are going to be on the TV show Wipeout.
Yeah. Yeah, Dom. Months from today. Yep. It's one month from today. Yeah. July 28th. July 28th, yeah. And we're going to do a viewing party. You know, I watched Wipeout for the first time because you guys are going to be on it. And the thing I was telling Woods is I said, I wish they would show more of making it through the thing because all they really show is people wiping out, which is fun and funny and everything. But I want to see, like, People being able to maneuver through it too. And they didn't show a lot of that, but maybe I didn't watch far enough. Hence the name. Wipeout. That's the thing, man. They try to kill you. About the punishment. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to seeing Woods and Jay on Wipeout. Me too. They were chosen out of 75,000 applicants. Is Chris going to get some red carpet for when we have a viewing party? That would be great. For who? Jay and I? For you and Jay. Yeah. Kind of mandatory. Maybe you guys show up in a limo. Yeah. Sunglasses. Get out looking like Kid Rock and then just walk right up that red carpet. No autographs, please. That's right. What's nickname is The Kid? There you go. Fair enough. But anyway, they're going to be on Wipeout in...
July. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, kids born today may not know what a spare tire is when they grow up because now more and more cars, the newer cars, don't have a spare tire included in the trunk. Now they come with the sealant repair kits. So, like, the latest model to do it is the GM's Chevy Cruze. No spare tire. Well, how does, if you get a flat, how do you... Repair kit. It'd be a sealant kit. Yeah. I understand sealing, but how do you blow it up? It comes in a can. It will reinflate the tire. What if it gets shredded? Well, then you'll have to call. Most people have a service. But I think the manufacturers have to have a certain mileage for the cars in the future, like by 2025. What do you mean? The cars are going to have to get up to, I think, 65 miles per gallon or something ridiculous. So they're trying to shave all this weight out of cars. By when? I think it's 2025. 2025. Wow. Yeah, so our kids now, when they grow up, they won't have spare tires. Well, Mikey and Wood's kids will still know what a spare tire is. Oh, boy. Also, PETA has named their sexiest vegetarians. They do this every year. And the two male and female, Russell Brand and Kristen Wiig. Jay Isbell and Lauren O'Brien. Russell Brand has been a vegetarian since he was 14. He won't even eat fish oil.
Wow. He'll shoot heroin for 15 years. He will not. He will not, guys. It's different. It came from a puppy plant. Right. You won't eat fish oil, Russell, but you will shoot heroin and smoke crack. It came from a plant. What about crack? A crack. You didn't have to kill a crack for me to smoke it. That's true. If you had to kill a crack for me to do it, I wouldn't do it. It's inhumane. He said he thinks it's cruel to squeeze oil out of a fish because they're lovely. They're lovely little guys. Fish are lovely. I don't want to squeeze them. It's more like milking them. Oh, boy. Vegetables are lovely, too, and alive. Woodsy. Yeah, yeah. What's going on in sports? Well, not a whole heck of a lot, but the Padres do play again tonight at Petco Park, 7.05 p.m. Clayton Richard against Felipe Paulino. Mikey? Let Eskimo Blue Waters in. Oh, boy. Hi. She almost looks excited. What is that outfit? What outfit? You're wearing a helmet. Oh, did I leave this on? Sorry. Take that off. What are you doing? I shouldn't even be here. Why? I may or may not be allowed to talk about something. What? I haven't really gotten clearance, but I think we can step around it because it appears...
A piece of information that's already leaked. What is it? Well, there may be a show out there where there may be certain obstacle courses and mazes and prizes. Yeah, it's called Wipeout. Wipeout. Well, that's not the one I'm talking about. What are you... Double Dare? It's called Rubbin. It's not... Oh, my God! It's not aired yet. It's in the pilot season. You shot a pilot. Yes. For a show called Rubbin. That's... I... I didn't say that. I said there may or may not. I may or may not be involved. You may or may not be involved. Don't be nervous. Don't get nervous. Oh, gosh. Don't get nervous. I'm going to get sued. Oh, gosh. Why...
Can I ask you a question, Eskimo Blue Waters? Not too many questions. Why is it that when we do something on the Mikey Show, you either rip it off or you will rip off bits from like famous singers. I've never ripped off a bit in my life. You've ripped off Jules' entire persona. Right. That's not even, I don't even know who Jules is. You say, it's not Jules, it's Jules, and you say that you live in your Mustang. That's correct. You know full well Jewel used to live in her van? I don't know where Jewel lived or what. It's not Jewel, it's Jewel. Whatever. You also brought music in here and the song was called... Yes, original songs only. Yes, and the song was called You Were Meant For Me. No, I Was Meant For You. It was called I Was Meant For You. Yeah, it was a good song. You live in your... parents' home in La Jolla. No, I don't. Yes, you do. Sometimes I go there. Yes, you do. I have to stop overseas. You're, in fact, wealthy. You come from a wealthy family. No, my dad's wealthy. That doesn't mean I am wealthy. You go by the name Eskimo Blue Waters. Yeah. Your name, and you say, you're how old? 28? Give or take. She's 32. No! Her name is Judy Douche.
Douche. There's an accent over the E, Mike. We've been over this. Never seen the accent. Never seen. You've never actually seen my name besides my stage name, so. I just got a note that Eskimo Blue Waters pilot is viewable. What? I just posted it. Yeah, rub in. I told you it leaked. We're not supposed to be. It leaked. It leaked. It's at Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Oh, yes. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And it has been posted. Don't say too much. By somebody that we don't even know. I know. I don't even know who that is. It says EBW Rubbin. Yeah. Well, you know, EBW could be anyone. Let me see what it sounds like. And now for our first contestant, EBW. On a giant ranch north of L.A.
Like, giant. She's in the hallway of the radio station. Out there. I knew that was the elevator. That can't be confirmed. Those are the beanbags from our studio. Yeah. What? It's the hippity hop. It's the hippity hop. Those aren't the only ones that exist. That's the hallway. Oh, my favorite part. Someone's throwing beanbags at her. She's running through the hallway. She's running a lap. That was part of the course. I didn't really make the course. Who's going to sue you, Garrett? Yeah. No, the people. People at Rubbin, if I'm involved with them, is your janitor friend that you know here, did he help you with this? Your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. He's not my boyfriend. I thought he was your boyfriend. He's a friend that's a boy. She flashes him when she wants to get in the building. Hey, those are my shorts and my shirts. No, they're not. Dude, that's the outfit J-War. No, it's not. I found it. Rub it in. Rub it in. Number one. Number one. Well, you know. Number one.
One and only. No, that's an outfit that I... That's my helmet as well. That's all the gear he took. Well, I found that stuff, so... Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. But, you know, you don't have to bump it up too much because I could get sued. You could get sued. Yeah. But it is Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Wow. Thank you, Eskimo. Thank you for having me. Fantastic. Judy Douche. Today's texts read... Oh, boy. Mikey. Jay cured my cancer by looking me straight in the eye and saying get. Thanks, Jay. Did Jay write that? Well, there is no signature on it. It doesn't say anyone anything. I'm just saying. If the Jay fits. This one says, if Jay says it's safe to use that drop, Mikey, it's safe to use that drop. Get it? Jay! I can't help it.
Thank you, M1s. He wants a little leeway on his drops, I think. Oh. So I think he wrote that fake text in order to get a little leeway on his drops. Mikey, I saw Jay bowl a 300. Strange, because he didn't even have a ball. M1 Yeti Booger. Yeti Booger. Maybe he meant burger, but Jay wrote it. Yeah, could be. Yay! Not true. Don't be jealous. If I say it's safe to suck this bitch, Captain, it's safe to suck this bitch! Get it? Wow. Got it. I'm jealous. There's going to be a new high-tech soda machine. This thing is rad. What does it do? It's right now at a Burger King in Northern California. It's a soda machine, like a vending machine, but it has 125 different flavored beverages. including sodas, waters, energy drinks. It has a touchscreen from a little TV. You select what you want. The machine is called the Freestyle, and it was developed by Coca-Cola. I didn't know there was 125 different flavors and stuff to drink. All the way in. Awesome. I want to try every one of them. The line's going to be really long. Yeah. Because people are like, I don't know. Imagine doing a suicide with those. Oh, and imagine what Sienna just said, dude.
Imagine you just want to get a drink. Oh, you're right. Oh, God. You want Dr. Pepper. You just have Dr. Pepper. And there's an 18-year-old kid. playing with, and you're just like, dude, I just want a Diet Coke. Dude, you can make blueberry mango Dr. Pepper. Hey, man, I gotta, hey. Dude. You can make chocolate spread. Dude, Joan Soda's in here. Oh, my God. Hey, guys, I gotta get out of here. Who's this guy behind us? I didn't even know Snozzberry was a flavor. Who's this guy behind us? I don't know. That's bro. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir. Excuse us, pal. Happy birthday. Coca-Cola leases them to restaurants, though. I want one for the studio. Oh, that'd be rad. Unnecessary. Woodsy has new releases. I do. You ready? Yep. Freddie. Beyonce. Four. Yeah. Anybody else over Beyonce? Yeah, I'm over. Kind of over. Piers Morgan asked her last night if she has a better booty than J-Lo. The big question, really, that I need to ask you is, you or J-Lo? They in a semi? Me or who? J-Lo.
What? Who has the best booty, obviously. You are crazy. J-Lo. Are they in a semi-truck? I love J-Lo. She's great. You think she's got a better booty than me? No, I'm not saying anything. I'm not comparing my booty to J-Lo's. You think she's got a better booty? Nothing like a white guy saying booty. Yeah, I know. There's a story about her mom giving her a slap. Since you became famous and successful, when has she been the most angry with you? I remember when we first had our single on the radio and I was starting to feel like I was hot. And I was in the record store and she was talking to me and I started singing because I didn't want to hear whatever she was saying. And I was about 15 and the song was playing on the radio and I'm like, yeah. And these guys were looking like, oh, that's Beyonce. And I thought I was hot. And she smacked. The crap out of me in that store. When I tell you what? What? Really? Yes. And sent me to the car and was like, I don't care what song you have on the radio. You are my child. You do not disrespect me. Love it. And I will never forget it. It was a great lesson. You've never sung again like that. I don't agree with that. If Beyonce did that, the best thing to do is to give her time. First of all.
To tell her that that's not appropriate. Different. It isn't an appropriate thing to say. It's not an appropriate thing to sing like that. When, excuse me, Beyonce, excuse me. Excuse me. It's not appropriate to sing like that in this store, especially when these boys are paying, Beyonce, excuse me. When we get home, you're going into your room for five minutes. And then when, excuse me. When the five minutes is up, you can come out of your room if you're ready to stop singing and have boys looking at you. But until then... I feel like a mom can slap her daughter. Yes. But I don't think a man can slap his son. Agreed. What? Agreed. I have heard it all. I give up. I give up. I've officially... I've officially...
Officially given up. It's weird enough for Jay to say it. Weirder that Woods has agreed. Agreed. Women have rings on. It hurts. It seems more appropriate. A man just shouldn't lay hands on his son or daughter's face. You shouldn't be able to slap your kids like that. Spank them, but don't slap them. Yeah, spank them. I like to look. I like to spank. I just don't like to slap. I'll spank you right now. What else, Woods? The new Buddy Holly tribute album, Rave On, with Black Keys, My Morning Jacket. Do you know who that is? My Morning Jacket. No, it's Fiona Apple. It's what? Fiona Apple. Yes. That's why I played it. I thought it was a guy. She's good. I love Buddy Holly, too. Texas legend. I do not like Buddy Holly. Oh, really? But I like Fiona Apple. This one is going to get you. What? Billy Ray Cyrus. I'm American. Yeah. I can't forget. Oh, wow. The look in his eyes. Oh. Oh. As he said these words to me. I love it. No, no. All gave some. What? All gave some. Some gave all. Oh, yeah. All gave some. Some gave all. Is it Yoda?
But that's, like, really, like, famous and stuff. I think it's, like, really good. Miley. Miley. I think it's, like, really good. I think it's, like, give it a chance. I just did. I think it's, like, you're going to make it come back. You're going to be like, oh, my God, I can't even believe it. Is that what I'm going to be like? You're going to be like, oh, my God. I never knew I liked country until I heard Lily Ray Cyrus. I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, oh, I'm American. Oh, my God. That's the best song I've ever heard. I really like it. She likes it. Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you, Miley. Thank you, Miley. I love it. Sienna, the new David Cook is out this loud morning. Yeah, too. American Idol. Sorry, it sounds good. It does. It sounds good. It sounds good in my ears. Woods, he is our American Idol. Yep, there he is. Golden ticket to radio. Stupid. He's got a golden ticket. He's got a golden ticket. Woods, you're the best American Idol. Woo! Yay! Ladies and gentlemen, Woods, you did it. Thank you. Shortcut. I love it for you. Shortcut to the top.
Cieno Dolly Parton. Better day. She just sucked on a helium balloon. The chipmunk. She is sweet. Yeah. Hard. A. J. Motorboat. You motorboating son of a bitch. You old sailor, you. They built for speed or comfort? Are they real? Speed or comfort. Okay. The new limp biz kit is out. Gold Cobra. Is this the first album in like 12 years? Yeah, it's been a long time. Sounds the same. Yeah, Poison of the 90s. Agreed. Ugh, yeah. This is a good one, too. The new Queensryche is out, dedicated to chaos. Doesn't translate. It doesn't hold up. I've known a couple of Queensryche guys, and it doesn't matter, man. They're in? They're in. Are they rejoicing today? Yes. They're rejoicing with a cape on.
Queensryche was always the band where you'd be talking to your buddies about who's the best singer. They're like, Jeff Tate from Queensryche. He can sound like an opera singer. There's nobody better. Yes. And you're like, Jeff Tate? Jeff Tate. Did you just say Jeff freaking Tate from Queensryche? So bad. I don't get it. I don't speak it. I never did either. The new Taking Back Sunday, Taking Back Sunday. And finally, the new thievery corporation, Culture of Fear. Like them. DVD's next. I can do them real quick if you want. Sucker Punch with Vanessa Hudgens. Beastly with Mary Kate Olson. And Seasons of the Witch with Nick Cage. And Barney's Version with Paul Giamatti. Feast. There are ten brands that are going bye-bye in 2012. I'm going to tell you what they are.
Come to life when I see your ghost. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. Steer right! A curveball can get pitched when you least expect it. And not just in baseball. Are you prepared for a carbon monoxide leak in your home? A new state law requires most homeowners to install CO alarm. When it comes to home safety, Kitta has your bases covered. For more than 90 years, Kitta has provided quality safety products to help protect families from fires and carbon monoxide, which can be produced when fuel-burning appliances malfunction. You can't see, smell, or taste CO. Installing a carbon monoxide alarm is the only safe way to detect this poisonous gas. Go for a double play with Kitta's Intelligent Alarm. It warns you of fire and carbon monoxide.
Saving you time, money, and possibly a loved one. CO poisoning can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. So don't wait until the ninth inning to be safe at home. Install Kitta's Intelligent Alarm today. Available at The Home Depot. This is Jeff Tate from Queensryche. I'm here to tell you about Denny's Tour of America. Just kidding. It's your old pal, Woodsy. OPW is here to tell you. Denny's is delicious. They've got a new thing. It's called the Tour of America. It's a limited-time menu. It's offered until August 29th, so you've got to get in there now and make it right. They've got six new celebrated dishes from the Midwestern and Southern states, as well as Philly, California, and Hawaii. Feast on all of it. You will not be disappointed. The Midwestern meat and potato sandwich, the Philly cheesesteak omelet, the Hawaiian tropical pancakes, back down south with the Georgia peach French toast. and Southern Shrimp and Grits. Also have three new drinks for you to try. The Florida Orange Milkshake, the Pacific Northwest iced coffee from Seattle, and the Hawaiian Tropical Smoothie. Denny's Tour of America. It's available all day, every day for a limited time only, with dishes starting at only $4.99. Denny's Tour of America. Feast. Winning. If you are the sort who refuses to compromise, then some might call you hard-headed, unwavering, a little set in your ways. At Coors,
we'd call you a stand-up guy. Since 1873, we've taken a similar mindset when brewing our legendary Coors Banquet beer using only Rocky Mountain water and the best high country barley and brewing it in one place and one place only, Golden, Colorado. So to those of you out there who stand for something, we'd kindly invite you to sit down. Right at the bar. Because we'd like to pour you a nice, cold banquet. In Company Golden, Colorado. Coors Banquet believes with great beer comes great responsibility. I am test driving a BMW 3 Series today after driving its top rivals. Well, go to the head of the class. Hey, it's Dave. Yeah, two tickets to tonight's game just fell in my lap. Uh, that's a yes. Hold on. Let's make this interesting. First come, first serve. No, no, wait. You better get here fast. Wait, Dave. Good luck. In a 3 Series, I like my odds. Not only is it faster and more powerful than its top rivals, but it's more fuel efficient than ever, so there will be no stopping for gas. This is just too much fun. Yes? Dave, look out the window. Looks like the winner has arrived. Team up with a 3 Series at a BMW center today.
For a limited time, lease the BMW 328i sedan for $339 a month. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. I'm Jeanette. And George. We're Fresh and Easy neighborhood market customers. This message is by real customers, not celebrities. Saving money we pass on to you. We're Fresh and Easy all the way. You have great fresh products. You save money. I think the integrity of Fresh and Easy is absolutely wonderful because you have all the prepared stuff that doesn't have a whole lot of preservatives. So it just tastes a lot better. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Jeanette and George. Now we can offer a great price on 100% California extra virgin olive oil. Now you can buy one and get one free at equal or lesser value. Win-winning doubles with winning. Something happens that the dictionary cannot adequately define. Winning. The only way to describe Dave and Buster's half-price game Wednesdays. Twice the games for the same price. That's double the spin and win. Twice the new Fruit Ninja. Two times the glory. It's called twinning. And we just made it up. Take that, Oxford English. Half-price game Wednesdays at Dave & Buster's, the only place to eat, drink, and play. Go to DaveAndBuster's.com for details, hours, and locations. The Mikey Show with Mikey. If being nude at your home is a nudist, I'm a nudist. Lauren. I did a lot of reading last night. Woods. I am the grill master. I can grill anything. Sienna. I'm not the neatest person in my house. Todd's definitely more neat than I am, but I wouldn't say I'm a slob.
And Jay. I'll come over and help you cut a trench of concrete. On FM 94.9. Rock and roll singer. It's Jeff Tate. Jeff Tate. Who's your favorite? David Lee Roth. Yeah, is that it? Let me guess. Somebody from Extreme. Gary Cherone. Gary Cherone. Let me guess my Sammy Hagar. How about Bret Michaels? Yes, is he your favorite singer? Vince Neil. Steven Peercy. Jeff Tate. Bar none. Bar none. They were very serious. Queen's Ride. Oh, yeah. Very... Deadly serious. Deadly serious. Deadly serious. Singing about true... Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow. I wonder if fans felt changed leaving their concerts. It was like a religious experience. Yeah, you see, you would leave and you were like, wow. You know, there was a life...
Before the Silent Lucidity Tour and life after the Silent Lucidity Tour. Will not deny that I was obsessed with a song in seventh grade. Who was it? Loved it. Might have been one of those guys that made that Jeff Tate argument. Might have been. You two idiot bastards. Laying on my bed real good. Listening. I wonder if they go to bed and they'll have a dream. And the dream, they wake up and they write their friend and they go, last night I dreamt. I was in the studio with... JT, when he recorded Silent Lucidity. In my dream, we sang it together. And I suddenly lost. I don't know how to explain this, but I was a G chord. They had to hire like an opera singer. Mr. Producer, this is Jeff Tate. Yeah, Jeff. I need many more strings. Many more strings. Jeff? Yes.
We have a $300,000 budget on this album. Where are we at now? Can you turn the track down? I can barely hear you, for God's sake. Do you know who I'm? Jeff Tate from Queensryche, the lead singer. We have a $300,000 budget. What's our tally? $350,000. Do you know what? What? We've spent $325,000 on orchestra. Get it right the first time. We can't hire. More strings. I need more strings. Okay, Jeff. And I need a better choir. I need somebody from England. Jeff. What? We have 722 cellists in the studio to record this album. You give me what I want or I'll be here all day. We have been here all day. We'll be here all day tomorrow. You'll work through your lunch break. We've been here all day for two and a half years working on this album.
and you still feel that it needs to be perfect. It's my opus. It's my opus. Chances that I blast Silent Lucidia at my house are a thousand. Just piping it all through the house. Done. They were so serious back then. Hey, John, it's Craig from the studio. Listen, we're going to be delayed. Jeff blew his voice box out today. What was he doing? We were doing another take on Silent Lucidity. Another one? Yeah, and the hernia's back. Oh, no. So he pooped himself, and he also blew the hernia, and his voice is done. It's just done. He's pushed it to the line. Two and a half years we've been waiting for this record. I know. I know. I heard there's a band out of Seattle named Nirvana. No, no, no. I'm really nervous. Don't go see them. Well, I'm nervous. Because this album, when it comes out, it's going to be great. I promise. Are you sure? Yes. We just need four months for JT to recuperate. I'm getting a lot of heat on this band Nirvana. I hear they're really good. You know what? They are...
They're grunge, and we're not. We're serious. I don't know what that is. Grunge, yeah, hasn't been invented yet. They're more dirty, and we're, you know. We're more opera. Okay, yeah, we'll stick with that then. Dan Fields, let me tell you something. Dan Fields is the Mikey Show photographer. He can take pictures for you. Go to danfieldsphotography.com. And I'll tell you, we found Dan completely by accident. And when we did realize, holy cow, this guy takes pictures of celebs. He takes pictures for magazines. And he will take pictures for you. Danfieldsphotography.com. It's amazing, amazing stuff. Ten brands that are going bye-bye in 2012, Sienna. Now, every year the website 24-7 Wall Street makes a list of these brands. Like last year they said Blockbuster was one of these companies that was going to go. Well, it's based on things like... Sales, obviously. Companies getting sold. Bankruptcy. Rising costs. Now, here are the ten on this year's list. Sony Pictures. Is going bye-bye. Yes. Wow. It used to be Columbia TriStar Pictures, and they'll probably sell it, is what they're saying. What they should do is let someone go. Because somebody at the top is making decisions on movies, and they're making bad choices. A&W, not the root beer, but the restaurants.
They have A&W restaurants all over the country. No more baby burger. They're good too, man. Freaking root beer. And you know what? At the A&W restaurants, they do the root beer in kegs on tap. Yep. And so it tastes better. They got good curly fries there. Cold glasses. Ice is coming out of the glass. It's good. It's too bad. Sobs. Do you know anyone who still drives one? A sob? S-A-A-B. S-A-A-B, yeah. American Apparel, the store, people got really popular really fast, and they started expanding, and now they have too many stores. They can't keep up. Hey, Woods. Yes. What's the name of that place that you said you were looking forward to that's open in the forum? Urban Outfitters. What is that? Oh, it's the best. It's like the less cheap version of Anthropologie. It's the same company. Big Bucks. But I don't know what Anthropologie is. It's not Big Bucks. It's the store that your wife likes. It's more like a... It's more for girls. There's guys' clothes there, too. Urban Outfitters for chicks now. It's girls. It's both. All the girls in my house are like, oh. Urban's a good place. They have really good jeans there. They're like 30 bucks. Like, really good jeans. Is it like The Gap? No, it's better than The Gap. It's more Urban. I am 35, and when I walk into Urban Outfitters, I'm like, oh.
You can do this, pal. Because they got pearl snaps there. They got some cool shoes. I walk in and I'm like, yeah, you can do this. Because they're all a little bit younger. But it's good stuff. Every girl at my sister's high school, that's where they go. Every girl. And guys, clown. Not as many guys. It's mainly girls. It's a lot of guy stuff there. They got a lot of guy stuff. I'm getting a weird vibe from the girls. I'll go with you. They're saying now. And Jay just gave me a look and the look said, the girls are right. Jay gets his clothes in the prize closet. So you're going to listen to him on fashion? In your defense, he is wearing a Napoleon Dynamite shirt right now. It's actually... Chris would shop this. Yes, he would. So I guess you guys are calling Chris a girl. No, it's just young. It's younger. His shirt right now, Jay's, says Skullcandy. That's a type of earphone. Headphone that we use here. Jay's t-shirt says Biodome, the movie. Encino Man. He's wearing an Encino Man t-shirt. Another one of the companies that they're predicting will disappear is Sears.
Really? It says the failed merger of Sears and Kmart means one brand has to go. Legitimate question. I got a legitimate question for you. I'd already told him. I have a legitimate question. What? If Sears goes away, where do you get a washer and dryer and a refrigerator? Because that's the only place you get a washer and dryer. Lowe's. Right, Sears. No, there's all kinds. Where do you get Craftsman Tools now? Lowe's. Lowe's, Home Depot. Home Depot. Lucky for me, I don't buy either. Yeah. Those are two things you go to Sears for. washer and dryer, appliances, refrigerator, washer and dryer, and craftsman tools. And if you're J, school clothes for your child. Yes. Yes. A hundred. Any more on that? Yeah. What else? A bunch? All right. You'll give me the rest when we come back. This is the Mikey Joe.
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Lauren. I love taking care of boyfriends when they're sick. Woods. I do know my way around the jail. Sienna. I like a beer belly. I'm going to tell you that right now. And Jay. Yes, sir. On FM 94.9. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. The Church. Darren. Starfish. What brands did we miss that are going to go bye-bye in 2012? Sony Ericsson. The phone? It's going to probably be folded into Sony. Yeah. Kellogg's Corn Pops. Oh. Nobody eats corn pops. Right, and breakfast is now getting a lot healthier. Corn pops are like, they used to be the healthy cereal. Obviously, they're not anymore. They used to be. You're like, I don't want those frigging names. Just like Styrofoam. They're pretty good, though. Yeah, they're not bad. I like them, too. Myspace, obviously. Goodbye. I'll see you. Really?
Yeah. You know what? I'm actually kind of surprised. I really am because I thought that it was still viable for musicians. They try to do that bit now, and I still see more bands going to Facebook. I logged in yesterday just to see what was up. It kept freezing. It was all not user-friendly. I was like, get this garbage out of here. MySpace? Well, so what will they do? Every MySpace user will just be out of luck. Yeah, I'm sure they just shut it down. Yeah, you have no more page. Weird. You'll probably get a warning. I had a couple messages in there. I was like, who are you? You know, MySpace, I thought, was annoying because of what people would put their own music and all that stuff. And I hated going to somebody's page and it was like, da-da, da-da, da-da. I did it all for the nookie. Come on. Glitter everywhere. Yeah. Like flashing glitter. Take that cookie. Whoa, whoa. How do you stop this? How do you stop this? Stick it up, yo. Yeah. Stick it up, yo. Yeah. Scroll down. Scroll down. I'm rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Your boss is like, oh, you're having a ride on MySpace again? Sorry, it's on autopilot. It's checking up on my sister, man. I'm sorry. It's a big deal. I'm not creeping anybody. Trust me. My mom sent me a link. Again, these are the brands that are predicted to disappear in 2012. Soap Opera Digest. There's no more soap operas. Dang it.
There's no more soap operas. No, they're canceling all the big ones. They are? Yeah, all my children and all that. You know why? I bet. Seriously. Oprah. Oprah? No. I don't think so. No? No. That's not what I would venture as to why they're canceling soap operas. I think that soap operas probably should have been canceled a while back. Yeah. But the re... And it's just... Everybody's catching up. But I think that the death of soap operas was the success of reality TV. That's a good call. And so reality TV became such a phenomenon and people couldn't tolerate soap operas. It takes them three weeks to get through a day in a soap opera. Yeah, and they can, you know, they used to, that was their reality back then. Sure. Now, compared to the Real Housewives, the Real Housewives of whatever is a better soap opera. than Days of Our Lives. And it's, finger quotes, real. Right. Real. It's just, yeah, the pretty people moved to there. The people that can't act now do reality TV. It's trippy, man. And the last brand that is predicted to disappear, Nokia. I wonder why. It doesn't really say it. Mikey, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Tommy Bahama is going nowhere in 2012. They are driving. I don't wear Tommy Bahama stuff. Yes, you do.
Yeah, that's true. And I think your one shirt, it doesn't fit me anymore. I think your recent resurgence has really helped push them over back into the black for the year. You're keeping them afloat, essentially. You're keeping them aground. They're at Costco now, thanks to you, Mike. Yeah, thanks to you. Oh, I know they are. Thanks to hundreds of people posting. Pictures of... The chair, the towel. The chair. The towel. Still funny. Don't stop. Still funny. Every time I see it, I still laugh. Mike, you do, in fact, have a Tommy Bahama towel, do you not? It was a gift from Tricia, and I didn't purchase it. You didn't give it back. Right. We all said, I love that towel. I'll take it. I'll take it, because you don't... And we couldn't pry it from the touches of your hands. Really? Yeah. It's a true story. We all wanted it. I think your wife may have said that she has to wash it every day so that you can use it every time you get out of the shower. It always smells like sunscreen. Cocoa butter. It's starting to get really thin. It's beading up is what it's doing. It's got those beads on it. Some parts it's see-through because it's so warm. I hate you. You just sealed another thing.
Seven years. The pictures never stopped. It's like a broken mirror. Every Saturday and Sunday, I can count on it. You know what's great about it, too, is the friends of mine who think, this will get him. Yeah, I know. This one will make him laugh, I bet. This one will get him. It's the eighth one I've got on that very picture, you know. Don't stop, though, because it's still funny. We still... Always, always. It's so good. I'll be like... I'll put something as a... I'll put like, you know, hey, guys, just, you know, want to ask for prayer, you know, because my uncle is dying, blah, blah, blah. And people put like... Why not just wrap him in Tommy Bahama? You're going to have a Tommy Bahama funeral? Yeah, man. I heard he makes coffins now, so you're in good shape. Yeah, just put him in a TB coffin when he does. You should lay some fresh plumerias on Tommy. You should have a Hawaiian-themed luau, Mike, for his death. You're going to make the coffin out of bamboo? Oh, my gosh. It's a true story. Oh, wow. People are going to take bets too far on...
Facebook. The brands that went out. We're done with the brands that are done. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be like, hey guys, just want to let you know. It's really sad news, but just found out that our contracts have not been renewed. We're not going to be, and the people will be like, don't worry, Mike. We work for Tommy Bahama. They'll still hire you over at TB. What's the matter, Tommy Bahama called? That's a true story. Guys, I weigh 110. Lost 304 pounds. And I'm dying slowly. Don't worry, Mike. Just go to Tommy Bahama's restaurant and put on a little weight. I know that God has TB in heaven for you, pal, so don't worry about it. Guys, I relapsed and had my first drink. What was it? Tommy Bahama's pina colada? Margarita?
Mai Tai? You old sailor, you. You old sailor. Oh, my gosh. Great. Guys, I lost a leg. Go to TB, man. Find another one. What up, Mike? Pineapple cut it in half? Why don't you get a wooden leg? Be like Tommy Baba. Be like a real pirate like you've always wanted to be. You're going to be ahead of the Jimmy Buffett concert. Who would have thought five years ago? You buttoned up that Tommy Bahama? I didn't even freaking wear it. That morning. I didn't even freaking wear it. Yes, you did. No, I didn't, bro. Five years ago. I didn't even wear it. Didn't you? I know. I got back from vacation from Hawaii. And Ashley goes, and it's something about Tommy Bahama. I don't even remember what it was. I said it. It was over. Joke over. Like, no.
Nobody said anything. They didn't laugh. They didn't do anything. She used it as a callback. Like a week later, she goes, were you in the Tommy Bahama? And everybody laughed. And from that moment on, from that moment on, I was known as the Tommy Bahama guy. I'm like, and I go, and when she did it, I go, I know everybody had a good laugh. It'll be the last it's ever heard of. Like no one will ever make that joke again. It has now transferred to. FM 94.9. Thanks to Sienna. Thank you, Sienna. I filled in on the old show. She did. And I heard it. Thank you, Sienna. And I brought it. You're welcome. Thank you for finally revealing the truth. Hey, don't let Clear Channel get wind of that, okay? You're not supposed to tell anybody. We get a cease and desist. No more Tommy Bahama. You can't make Tommy Bahama jokes. Mikey writes to Clear Channel. He's like, just to let you know. They've been doing Tommy Bahama. Hey, guys, I have to come clean about this. But I do use some very, very personal. What is it? What do they call it? Intellectual property. Intellectual property. I have to tell myself, I've been using some intellectual property. It's the Tommy Bahama stuff that Ashley came up with. Put the hammer down as hard as you need to on me.
They write me back there like, it's fine. I take full responsibility. Just let me have it. I write back and I'm like, no, you don't understand. I'm using this. Yeah, and guess what? We're killing it in the ratings because of the Tommy Bahama stuff. It's putting us over the edge. I don't think you understand. It's fine. Go ahead. You can do it. Great. I love it so much, Mike. You're a good sport. They send you like a Tommy Bahama gift certificate as a consolation. Feast on it. Hill, how you doing? Great. It makes me think of my father-in-law. Grandpa Greg. Oh, they'd get along. Yeah, you guys would. I'd comment just rubbing elbows real quick. Listen, older guys love TV. You're an older guy. 41. How dare you? Over 40. Now's the time. Tattoos are getting damned. Rebecca made a Tommy Bahama joke. Yes. And I looked at her and the look said, hey. We're not on the air, sister. I love it. Reel it in. Oh, I'm like, really? Come on, it's fair game. She's just fixing your dinner of poi and chicken. Macaroni salad. Macaroni salad. She's wearing the Tommy Bahama apron that you got her. Virgin pina colada real good. Hon, your poi is ready. Do you really want this whole poo-poo platter? Yes. Yes.
Oh, really? With the spam again? Do I have to get fresh coconut every time? Hon, you don't have to yell. I get the poi. I get the poi? Sorry. Hillary, what do you have? What do you have? Get one of those. Maybe some Don Ho. Oh, God. Somewhere over the rainbow ukulele version. Oh, I love that. You know, we used to go to that stupid restaurant in Maui. Now we, by principle. We can't. I would go to the Tommy Bahama store and I'd look. I'd look. They have nice watches. They have nice watches. They got cologne. Maybe I'd see a shirt that I'd wear. Never now.
I still, now we go there. You have everything you need because you've kind of bought the whole catalog. He ships it to your house. Last time we went, Rebecca started walking and I go, I'm not going in there. And she goes, she looked at me like, oh, please grow up. We're in like, really? And I'm like, I can't. It's weird. It's weird. Like, I just feel weird in the Tommy Bomb. I feel like a rapist. I feel like a rapist. I feel like Chris Hansen's going to walk out and go, hey, how you doing? Hello, Mike. Yeah, we were just taking a look at your files here and see you here in Tommy, Bahama. Sorry, hell. Don't be. What do you got? I grabbed some pixies and butthole servers and tool and I'm going to play a band that's doing this cool co-headlining show in September. We'll talk about that. One of the indie jam bands. All kinds of good stuff. She said butthole. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. The Mikey Show's out. Lincoln Financial Media Station. We're the closest you'll ever come to a professional college radio station. Best described as dead air. Dead air. Fem 94.9. It's about the music.