The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 06/30/10

1:34Welcome to Wednesday, everybody. Yeah, it is. Is it Wednesday? It is. I thought it was Tuesday. It's already Wednesday. I'm stressing out. I know. I know. It's 100% right. Woodsy says weird. And for those of you that are new listeners to Mikey Show and are not familiar with the Mikey Show culture. When Woodsy says something and then says weird right after it, the weird is sarcasm, as if to say, of course you are. Yeah, how ironic. Yeah, how ironic. Don't you think? And the reason I'm stressed is because we don't have solid Fourth of July plans. Oh, boy. If anybody's listening, please don't, please understand that I'm going to, because I know that that'll be, I'm going to have 50 emails right now.

2:37Hey, you know what you should do? That bit. What? They're going to write you and say, hey, you know what you should do? You should go here. That, and then they'll also go, okay, we're having this thing at our house, da-da-da, and I just need to make it known. I'm going to. I'm just stressed right now because it's not firm. I'm the same way. I haven't told you guys ours yet. What? I haven't told you guys ours yet. Oh, you have plants? Uh-huh. Okay, great. Well, then I guess I'll... How is it there in Perfectville for those of us still trying to figure it out? These were sprung on me yesterday by my wife. She goes, oh, in passing. She goes, oh, by the way, your brother and your mom and dad and Tessa want to take a fireworks cruise. That's cool. A fireworks cruise? Yes. Why isn't that cool? He thinks it's touristy. I think it's awesome. How much does it cost? I don't know. I said... I don't know if you want to do it on the 4th of July, but this weekend. You don't want any part of me. This weekend you should do it for sure. What is your bid? He doesn't want any part of me on the 4th of July. What do you mean? His family's in town. I know it, but I guess he just wants family, no Mike. Really? But this is like, he wants us to meet his family, but you need the quality time. That's like a...

3:51big holiday where you kiss under the fireworks and, you know. I don't know. I'm just trying to make it right. Poor Lauren. Lauren's like, I'm single. I don't know. I'll be with my girlfriends. I was trying to help out Liz. You were in the car with me the other day when I told Jamie, I don't want to do anything. I want to, like, hang at the house, go drag some lawn chairs to your cul-de-sac and maybe watch some fireworks. Yeah, but then you winked at her and you kind of nodded your head towards me. I did not! I did not. And then she springs me, oh, by the way, we're taking a dinner booze cruise or something. I was like, oh, perfect. Okay. Thanks for telling me. Isn't it kind of exciting to not know what you're going to do? I have no idea. I know it's just going to be fun. It's a heroin cruise. I don't think you'd be comfortable. It's speedball. It's on the USS Speedball. Mikey, it's an all-white cruise. And so we'd love for you to go, but you're the wrong race. No. I'd really like you to go, buddy. I wish I could help you. What does Rebecca want to do? Have you asked her? You should ask your wife. She told me what she wants, and then I pressured her the opposite. Here's what I don't want. Do you want plans or you don't want plans? I do. Here's what I want. You want to hang out with Woods, obviously. I want to hang out with Woods.

5:05Go ahead. Give me the hand heart. Love, love. Give me the hand heart. What about L.O.B. and I and Jay? He knows you guys probably wouldn't come. You should see the email. I wrote almost exactly what Woods just said, word for word. I said, I want the entire show. I said, I know Sienna's already going to have plans. Jay's going to already have plans. L.O.B. won't come weird. My plans are not having plans. Todd, Jen, and I just do whatever. I am supposed to go out of town. Are you? I still have not solidified my plans. I am. She has plans to not have plans with us. No, not true. Rebecca said to me again the other day, honey, you need to recognize that LOB is allowed to have boundaries and a life. That's right. And I go, I know that. No, she's not. I go, why are you even saying that? Why are you even saying that? She goes, because you, she goes, what is the definition of insanity? I said, to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. And she goes, you keep inviting, she's letting you know. Sometimes I come. She's letting you know. Sometimes I come. She doesn't want to. She doesn't like you. That is not true. I go, babe, I go, babe, I go, I am, I am 57.4% sure that LOB actually likes hanging out with us. I do.

6:25I do. I just have a lot. 57.4. I have family in town, including a tiny little baby niece. You're curling your hair. That always indicates lying. Lying. Not true. I just let go. Her eyes are just drifting down to the left. Yeah, drifting to the left, drifting to the left. I made up the fake niece bit. Yeah, you have. There's no niece. Have any of you guys met her? No. So every time we ask you to do something, you're like, I'm with my niece. I got a babysitter. My niece. I spent a lot of time with her and my sister and my brother and my brother-in-law. I know. Real sweetly. Real sweetly. You know, the thing about LLB is, you know, that I can promise you when she's driving to hang out with us, she's like. No way. But then when she gets there, she's like, oh, my God, this is kind of fun. You guys are so ridiculous. I don't hang out any less than CNNJ. Fair enough. I think you hang out more than I do. But here's the deal. Just a bit. They get a pass. Pregnant. Yeah. Jays, 15 kids. LLB's single. So what's your excuse? My niece. She's watching high school basketball games real good. That's not a bad idea. High school basketball. She's at home YouTubing the Harlem Globetrotters. Again, not a bad idea.

7:47I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Oh, yes, you are. I am, 40. 40. And, yeah, I host the show. Here's what I want. I want the swimming pool. I want someone to barbecue besides me. You're always on the grill. I know it. I want a barbecue at the house. I want the swimming pool. You know, I want CB and his kids, and I want... Whitney and Dan and their kids, and I want the show there, but you guys are busy. What are you standing next to Woodsy? I thought you were just going to say I want Woods there, and I was going to stand there and make you feel guilty. You know I want all of you guys. I just want somebody to make me a burger so I can swim with a shirt on. You put a shirt on. Of course, I can swim with a shirt on like I have to. Do we even dare? To go to the beach on 4th of July. I do. I do every year. I want to. It's not as bad as you would think, actually.

8:50Really? Yeah. Go early. Yeah. And if you go to the spots, I know you're not going to like this woods because you always like to go to Tamarack. If you go to the spots where you have to walk a little bit, you see how lazy people are. They're all like surrounding the stairs. And then there's like patches of sand with nobody on it. He goes walk and he goes get. Mikey showed up to our little beach party that we had last week. Did you see all the crap that we had? I couldn't... I have to go to Tamarack. You've got to downsize. You haven't gotten your beach routine down yet. I go, we've got to consolidate this. It took us 45 minutes. You need a wagon. It took us 45 minutes to load up. Get a chair. You will not regret this. Get a beach chair with a built-in backpack. Oh, my gosh. And it has straps on it. I like that. Best purchase. I'd pay $500 for that thing. It's like $30. Hey, I got there, and his wife had an Asian rug laid out. You know, she had candles, you know, she had a picnic basket. It was beautiful. I think it's okay to call it an oriental rug. She made everyone a sandwich. She made fresh cookies in the oven that morning for the beach. And breakfast for anyone that came to my house. You guys have good wives. I'm going to be a bad wife. You are not. I am. I'm not going to make cookies. I walked into Woods' house and I was like, is that biscuits and cookies? Yeah, biscuits.

10:10Made biscuits that morning. She's the best. It was really good. But we do need to consolidate. Call us, 570-1949. That's the number for M1s to call. M1s are Mikey's show listeners. Bunch of stuff to talk about. I didn't finish introducing the show, so real quick, I'm Mikey. Woodsy is our... Sports. I do sports. Yeah. Good. Woodsy is our sports guy. That's the best. L-O-B is... wearing all red today and she is... Or a red shirt. She's all sitting over there all Brazilian blowed up real good. All three guys were like, whoa, fancy red. Easy red. You said it too, Mike? Yeah. Guys attract to red, I think. Yeah, I think red and blonde. Yeah. So she's both today. Yeah. We got Sienna, and today's her day to get to wear the referee shirt. Lauren, I realized yesterday was her day, and I was like, okay, well, I need my day. Sienna's like, time out. I get to wear the ref shirt. Personal foul. And Jay is our producer. He is 47. This is a true story. I spoke to Jay on the telephone yesterday, and during the course of speaking to him on the telephone, he killed...

11:24a snake. What? Shut your mouth! While you're on the phone with him. I'm on the phone with him. We're having a super serious conversation and he's like, yeah, and you know, and I made this call and I was doing this. Sorry, I just killed a snake. And I go, wait, wait, wait. What? He goes, yeah, he goes, not poisonous in the garden. I just killed it. Anyway. It was? It was a small rattler. Shut up! How crazy is that? Never go into your house again, ever. How crazy is that? I had a dream about Jay last night, and I went over to his house, was hanging out with his family, and he had just gotten one of those little mini pigs. A pygmy pig? You know those really cute ones? Pork belly. Pork belly. Yeah, pot belly. And he was spreaded around, and Jasper was chased after the pig. Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, he'll have it by this weekend. I know. Right there on the Isabel farm. That's right. Oh, my gosh. So it was a rattler? Yeah, it just didn't have any rattles on it. Oh, my gosh. Just cut its head off? Yeah, I was standing deep in the...

12:25I've got this crazy spaghetti squash growing, and I was sitting there talking. I saw some tomato plants growing in there, and I had the shovel in my hand as I'm talking to Mikey. I look over to the side. I'm like, hey, there's a snake. I didn't want to kill him. What did you use? I had a shovel. I had a shovel in my hand already because I was kind of leaning on it because it's hard to walk through the plants, and then there he was. Next time you talk to me, he's going to have scuba gear on and plug him the oil spill. It's so true. I'm just fixing the oil spill right now. Go on. Hey, it's Mikey. Where are you? I'm listening. I thought I didn't want to call. I'll be back in time for the show tomorrow. Don't worry. I'll have this handled. Well, Jay, are you sure? Are you sure that you could talk right now? I mean, you sound like. Okay. I need you to make a couple of calls for me. Actually, I already made them. So, what else do you need? What else do you need? Yes, I picked up your cloaks from the dry cleaner, Mikey. You need robes for tomorrow? I can have Kim Google to you. And I shine your crown and your shoes. Oh, my stomach hurts.

13:44I shined your scepter. Your scepter's all clean and put it right where it's supposed to go. Scepter. Nobody photoshopped Mikey with a scepter and a cloak, God, please. And a crown. And a crown. So, big day today. It's a big day today. Why? Because last night, the movie Dracula came out. It's not Dracula. Technically, this morning. Technically this morning at midnight. Here's a scene. Why are you so against me becoming like you? Because it means I'll like the Twilight movies. That's it. Be honest with me. There's more. I know the consequences. Oh, boy. Of the choice you make. I love you. I get the chills. Oh, does she become a Dracula in this movie? I don't know. I haven't seen it. You don't know, right? I've lived through it. and to let you suffer that you're in portland with me you believe i have soul i realize you're gonna have to become accustomed to micro brews they're big around here loads of marijuana loads they're not in portland do you know how to roll a marijuana cigarette they're like in washington forks washington to risk yours just for the sake of never having to lose you that's the most selfish thing i'll ever do

15:21Bring your slicker. Maybe I go see that today. I know. You know how I say that when a scary movie, I don't like a scary movie if it's so blatantly scary that it's like somebody coming up behind you and going, boo. Right. Well, this is so playing to the woman emotion that it's not even fair. But that's what the book does. It takes you in this range of emotions. You can't put it down. You're not a lot out of it, though. It's so good. It's like the perfect distilled woman juice. Oh, it's so genius. You know what I mean? She puts some good stuff out. Yes, she does. This one looks really good, Eclipse. Right after the show yesterday, at like 10.15, I went to Fashion Valley Mall, and there was one girl holding down the line by herself with a beach chair. I was like... Holy cow. Like, I almost wanted to sit with her just because it felt so bad. She was waiting. She had 14 hours to wait. Oh, my gosh. You should have said to her, sweetheart, you can go home because no one's here. Yeah, but they had all the ropes, like, going forever at the Fashion Valley Mall because they knew the lines were going to get ridiculous. So this little woman was just... I saw an M1 post a picture from inside the movie theater, and I, yesterday, was at a movie theater as well. But she posted a...

16:35A picture of all these little girls and they had little rugs laid out and they were just sitting there like making s'mores. My sister was probably there, come to think of it. You're damn right I was. I wouldn't miss that for the world. I should have nine instead of 29. I skipped school. What's it rated? PG-13. Oh, it is? Yeah. Let's see. So we sent Wolfgang out to the lines because there were some theaters that did have some lines. And we had him ask about the premiere of Eclipse. Okay, great. So I'm standing here with two ladies. They're waiting in line for tickets for a new Twilight movie. What is it called? Eclipse. Eclipse. And what is your name? Lauren. Lauren, what is your name? Carol. Carol. So obviously the question that's on everybody's mind, Team Edward or Team Jacob? Jacob. He's sexy. Jacob. Both Team Jacob. What is your favorite thing about vampires? They're hard. You like werewolves. Correct. Okay, great. And what do you think of Kristen Stewart? She's a hoe. Okay, great. That is all I need from you guys. Enjoy the movie tonight. Wow. Yeah. She's a hoe. She's a hoe. So that was Wolfgang out in line yesterday just talking to the peeps. Yeah. Getting out there amongst the peeps. There was lots of them. Yeah. Twihards. Were they dressed up? Oh, yeah.

18:02Yeah, they get dressed up. What, in all black and stuff? All gothed up real good, just cutting themselves. No, they wear shirts that say wolf on them, and they have Edward's face. Bella, you suck. Say what you will about the movies, though, Wiz. They have some of the best soundtracks. Oh, there's no question. Music is phenomenal. There's no question. Do they? All these huge, huge bands. Radiohead. Mutes. They're all in there. Yeah. I knew a band that said that they, oh, is Red? on the new soundtrack? They might be. I wouldn't be surprised. Because I think that when I talked to them like a year ago, they said, yeah, I think one of our new songs is going to be on the next Twilight movie. Dude, if you get your song on that soundtrack, you are guaranteed money. You know, five million record sales. Guaranteed. I don't know about that. That's what I said. I read an article. Notoriety. Man, that thing. Not their record, but the soundtrack. Oh, the soundtrack. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The soundtrack's very, very popular. It sells. Let's see. This is Edward and Jacob facing off. Let's see how that sounds. That's scary. Edward? If you ever touch her against her will again. Edward, don't do this here. She's not sure what she wants. Don't do this here. Let me give you a clue. Wait for her to say the words. Fine. Oh, boy. I think this is audio of a high school play. No! She will. Jacob, just go, okay? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy, guys. Easy.

19:30Let's take it down a notch. Sounds like Jay. All right. What? I kissed Bella. My wife is clapping. That was a big deal. That's a big deal. I'm sorry. That sounds awful. I know, but it's good. Let's be like Mikey. Mikey, how dare you? How dare you? How dare you? I heard a review on NPR yesterday of the movie, and they said Edward Cullen is this English thespian, and then they... compared Jacob to Martin, or I'm sorry, Marlon Brando. Really? I was like, really? What? Marlon Brando. What's the bigger story that they compared those actors to those actors? The fact that Lauren was listening to NPR yesterday. I love NPR. Whatever. I listen to it on my way in every morning. So it's my grandmother. It's the best. It's informative. Let's see. i have one more this is edward telling jacob stay away from bell that bella has a right to know the truth

21:06I was just gonna say Kristen Stewart did what she did in the last movie. What are they called? Vampires. They do? They call them vampires? Bloodsuckers is like the derogatory term. For real? Yes. Bloodsuckers. So if you call them that, you're like, you just used the BS word. That's like what the werewolves call them. You bloodsucking friends. Only we can call each other bloodsuckers, okay? Because werewolves don't do that, right? They don't drink blood. No, werewolves don't. They don't. Werewolves, their whole purpose for being there...

22:12is to protect the citizens from the evil vampires. How many times must we tell you guys this? Yes. Don't know one thing. That's the whole reason that they came into being, was to protect Forks, a little town, from all the vampires that tried to come in and get the people. How come they just go to Forks? They're everywhere. They're everywhere. It's just that this story happens to take place in Forks. Well, the reason that a lot of the vampires are in... That area, the Pacific Northwest, is because it's not super sunny. And, you know, they can't be out in the sun because their skin will shine like diamonds. They're migrating south to San Diego. There's several here. Yeah. I've seen. Because it's the weather. It's perfect. My wife read those books in like two days because she couldn't sleep. I couldn't put those down. Like a vampire. I was fighting it for a while because people were telling me to read like Harry Potter and stuff like that. I'm like, I don't read fantasy. I like boys. But the New Moon ones, I fought it for a while. And as soon as I read page one, I was hooked. Other big news today was what Larry King said last night. Good evening.

23:21Before I start the show tonight, I want to share some personal news with you. 25 years ago, I sat across this table from New York Governor Mario Cuomo. 150 years ago, I sat across this table from the first broadcast ever of Larry King Live. And now decades later, I talked to the guys here at CNN, and I told them I'd like to end Larry King Live, the nightly show that this fall and CNN has graciously accepted to agree to. Giving me more. Woods just gave me the nod, like, sure you did, sure they did. Yeah. In other words. Hey, Larry, you don't really want to work here anymore, do you? That's what they gave him. Is that what they said? You keep getting more and more inappropriate. My wife. My wife said, isn't it time? And I said, I don't think so. I personally don't, but I understand people. I want to spend more time with my 19-year-old wife. And I had to get to the kids' little league game. My 60-year-old kids. He's got kids that play in Little League. Mike, I've got kids in retirement homes. Yeah. You know that. Yeah. You know who one of my kids is? President Garland. You remember when I interviewed John Wilkes Booth live on radio? Yeah. No, it was live on Smoke Signal back then because there was no radio invented. You're right. I'll still be a part of the CNN family hosting several Larry King specials on major national...

24:46and international subjects. And we'll be here for a lot of time until a replacement is found. We'll be here into the fall. I'm going to throw my hat in the ring. Brett Michaels. Yeah, Brett Michaels. His big hat. Steve Wood's live. Yeah. I would love to do an interview show. Oh, my God, you'd be so good at it, dude. Mikey, don't leave us. Oh, that would be so fun. If only it wasn't television. Whatever. He's on TV. Maybe they hire one of the guys from Milli Vanilli and I just... Oh, wow. I do the voice and they move their mouth. How about Peanut? Yeah, Peanut. I have a dummy sitting on my lap. I'm incredibly proud that we recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest running show. The oldest host ever. Yeah, the oldest host in the world. The same host in the same time slot on the same network. with that chapter closing i'm looking forward to he did the entire thing as a mummy he had bandages hanging off of him future what my next chapter will bring but for now for here it's time to hang up the nightly suspenders it is i think larry king is still a good interview yeah he's gonna have to retire sometimes he's lost it bro you think so yes you've heard some of the questions

26:08I think it makes him better. Really? Yeah. He doesn't care anymore. What did he say to T.I. about, like, why do you think that black people have more violence? I know. That's right. Lady Gaga is terrible. Yeah, he did. He said to T.I., he's like, how come black rap artists are the ones that get into trouble? How come country singers don't? Yeah. Wow. It was. It was. Pretty crazy. But, you know, he asks tough questions, too. He does ask some good ones. Yeah, he's a good interviewer, but come on. M1 Rod from El Cajon, you heard? I heard that Pierce Morgan from America's Got Talent may be replacing Larry King. Oh, God help us. Please no. I don't even know who that is. Me neither. I know, I've heard of him. He's a British actor that, I guess he also was a celebrity apprentice also. There you go. He's a judge on a dancing show. Yep. On one of the dancing ones. Yep. If your name is Pierce, you have to be British. Yes, of course you do. Oh, whoa. I'm picking the music today. A little bit of everything today. You can expect that. A little bit of every kind of music. I'll tell you what. First time I heard this record, I was like, that's near perfect. What is it? It's Lose Yourself. Wow. One shot. One shot. One opportunity. Seize everything you ever wanted. One moment.

27:54Hey, Brian Austin Green. Hey, what's up, dog? You think you could do as good as Eminem? Yeah. If we just got you in the Beat Lab? Nah, man, I'd go to After Dark, man. You'd go to After Dark? Yeah, man. You'd talk about Nat? I'd go to Beat Fit, lay it down. That's right. Los Angeles Laker, Paul Gasol. went into the Beat Laboratory himself, recorded a song. And in Woods on Sports, we'll give you that song. It's coming up next. My childhood. Whose mom didn't listen to the Carpenters? Mine did. I think every mom liked The Carpenters. Hello, B. No. Your mom wasn't into it? My mom, like, 50s doo-wop. Yeah. My mom listened to Slayer. My mom listens to, like, Disney movies on CD. Does she? She loves them. My brother does that. My brother does that. I love him, too. My brother, Mark, my oldest brother, will listen to soundtracks. Andrew Lloyd Webber. He'll listen, I mean, not just, I mean, any sound.

29:44He'll listen to the soundtrack to the original Alien, 1979. Really? Yeah. With, like, the score of, like, the score? Yeah, there's a whole channel on one of the satellite things, and all it is is cinema music. It's just soundtrack music, just the music, the scores. That's classic. I like that, too. I like... Okay. Nothing from... Sometimes I self-edit. Yep, there you go. Good boy. There is a... There is going to be a remote-controlled lifeguard coming to San Diego. I am 1,000% on board with this, by the way. How does it work? I'm just going to show you guys a picture, and you'll see what I'm saying, and then I'll explain. To me, it looks like a big, giant oil barrel wrapped in lifeguard foam, orange lifeguard foam. But it's also, it's like a little mini boat that's a raft. Yeah. And it's motorized. Yeah. So it can, like, lifeguards can't swim as fast as this thing can go, so they can send it out to help people. If someone's drowning, they can hold on to this thing. Yeah. So basically, it's a remote-controlled machine, which costs about $3,000 to $4,000. They're testing it out in Malibu right now, but they're saying that it could soon make its way to San Diego for some tests. The name is Emily.

31:08And Emily's expected to assist, not replace human lifeguards. But this thing, I mean, it can move up to 28 miles per hour. It has ropes attached that can give swimmers, you know, in distress something to hang on to. And just more than anything, it can get there faster than a human lifeguard can. And then the human lifeguards will follow it to help. Here's my, yeah, because here's my problem. If they get this remote controlled thing to the person and they grab onto it. And they start to bring them back to shore and they fall off. Or they don't have the strength to get on. And lifeguards will be following it. They will be there. But this is something that can get there faster. Yeah. I like the lifeguards on jet skis. Yeah. Right there, right then. That's a good thing. It seems like it would work better. Just having somebody, a human being. You can't replace a human being. Yeah. Let's do this. Take a listen. Pa Gasol, Los Angeles Lakers. Now, wait a minute. Is he in a karaoke bar? No, no. He is in a recording studio. Laying this down in a beat loud. Get it.

32:40I blame girlfriends. What do you mean? Yeah, babe, you sing so good. You know what you should do? Cut a record. You should seriously consider, and I'm not kidding, babe. You should seriously consider getting in a recording studio. You know, the girlfriend would be the first one to be like, I think you should stick to basketball. You're a world champion, for God's sake. You don't want to smash, maybe his dream is just to sing, you know? You would, L.O.B. You'd be honest. You'd say, listen, you can't sing. Do you think someone told Britney Spears that when she was trying and saying, look at her now? Someone should have. Well, so, Mike, you had it right yesterday, man. The Padres have run into their kryptonite, and that kryptonite's name is the Colorado Rockies. No. They lost again last night, 6-3. They're now 2-6 against the Rockies this season. They have been feasting on Padres pitching the last two nights. They've scored 16 runs in the two games. Series finale is today. It's at 1235. Nice little day game, so get out there and support your bunch. Colorado kryptonite. Oh, man, I'm telling you. They're just brutal. The Padres have only lost three games in a row once this season, so let's hope that that trend does not continue today. Miss Sienna last night sent me a really interesting article that we're going to be looking at for the next couple of weeks, I imagine. Did you know that the doctor...

34:03or one of the doctors for the Chargers and the Padres is being investigated by the DEA. Really? Yes. Apparently they're looking at the regulation of prescription drugs. There were 10 inspection warrants served yesterday, so we will want to keep a close eye on this. Some of it has to do with that Kevin Ellison situation when he was found with 100 Vicodin. For some reason, DEA wanted to come in and sniff around the Padres and the Chargers. Really? Yeah, man. Oh, no. Yes. And staying with the Chargers, there's some reports in the media that Vincent Jackson may soon be a Seahawk. What? Yeah. They're saying that Seattle is showing a lot of interest, as are the Washington Redskins or the Deadskins, as L.O.B. likes to call them. Yeah, she does. I'm not a Deadskin fan. No. But the big deterrent with Jackson is that whoever trades for him, they're going to have to sign him because that's his bid. He wants a long-term deal. Not as sold on Vincent Jackson because of his legal troubles. It's kind of his bit. He's kind of trimming the fat, cleaning out some of the troublemakers. So it wouldn't surprise me to see him in another uniform very soon. I know that is the deal, too, because I interviewed the assistant GM, who's now the GM of the Buffalo Bills, Buddy Nix. And the first thing he told me, because I was talking to him right before the draft, he said, we don't want guys that are troublemakers. We want guys with good character.

35:27That can also play ball. Absolutely, man. And these days, those are tough to find a lot of the times. Also, the South Carolina Gamecocks are national champions. They won the College World Series last night in the 11th inning on a walk-off hit, which was really, really cool to see. It's their first national, well, actually, it's their second national championship ever, but not in baseball. Their only national championship was in women's track. So now they've got a baseball crown. Congratulations. Nice. To the Gamecocks. The walk-off hit came from a guy. His name is Whit Merrifield. And that sounds to me like a South Carolina Gamecock. Yeah, it does. Yeah. I've never heard that name. Whit? Never heard it. That's pretty solid. And then let's end Woods on Sports on a positive note today. Another Cincinnati Bengal has been arrested. Oh, super. Yeah. Cedric Benson was arrested Tuesday. This happened about a month ago. There was an incident in Austin on 6th Street, which if you've ever been to Austin on 6th Street, Trouble finds you. You don't have to find trouble. It's a well-known street. Oh, dude. There's probably 200 bars up and down the street. It's the craziest scene you've ever seen. They had a real world right there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And Cedric went to UT, so he's back in his old stocking house. Back in his old hood. And basically what happens is they asked him to leave the bar. So he's standing on 6th Street, and he's complaining to the passersby, quote, all these white boys are ganging up on me and kicking me out.

36:49And a bartender came out and he goes, listen, man, I've got better things to do. Benson punches him in the face. They break it up. Well, a month later, yesterday, he was arrested. And they built their case and they're ready to take it to the full extent of the law. But L.O.B.'s heart's probably bleeding for him right now. But this is his third arrest on alcohol-related charges. Yeah, maybe go to a meeting or something. What do you think, Cedric? That's Woods on Sports. But the Bengals, man. It's like the... The wild child. Yeah, the wild children of Cincinnati. I don't know the actual number. A lot. 10? More. 12? You think more than 10? I'm being completely serious. I am too. I believe it's about 18. I'll do some research and find out how many Bengals have been arrested in the last 10 years. It's about... Or in the last two years, let's say. It's somewhere around 18. And I'm not sure exactly, but it's a lot. 570-1949. is our number if you want to give us a call. Okay. We do something called The Panel. This is where you get to hear about stories that are out there right now and you get a take from Sienna and from Woods and from LOB. In Australia, audiences are outraged by The Karate Kid, the movie The Karate Kid. And the reason that they're outraged is because they believe that the plot of the movie, that being

38:16I've been bullied, I'm going to learn some karate, and then I'm going to kick some butt. They believe that that is bad and a bad message to send to kids. They're saying that, yeah, violence, they're using violence as a solution to bullying, which parents are not on board with. And I kind of, I mean, I see where they're coming from, but it's like, man, it's a movie. If it bothers you, I don't know, Karate Kid, it's just been around for a long time, and I honestly feel like it's a movie. If you don't want your kids to see it, don't let them see it. It's a remake. Why weren't they mad the first time? Woods? Well, first of all, they probably butchered one of the greatest movies of all time. You haven't seen it. The Friday Kid is a classic. But here's the deal. For anybody that's ever been bullied, you know, when I have children, I'm going to teach my kids that you're more than welcome to defend yourself if you're bullied. And I don't have a problem with it at all. L-O-B. I haven't seen the second one, but the first one was about self-defense, which is the number one rule in martial arts. You're only supposed to use it in the term of...

39:15or in a time of self-defense. So if you're being bullied or if you're at all in a situation where you're getting cornered by a bunch of kids, better to know how to fight than to just sit there and get beat up. This is one of the more disgusting things I've ever heard, but apparently they have developed meat-flavored vodka. Would you like two examples of the flavors? Yeah. Salmon. Oh, my gosh. And bacon. Now, the salmon one was created in Alaska because, you know, they're going with their heritage. You know, what's more Alaskan than some smoked salmon? That's filthy. Maybe a moose. Yeah. But both of them, I guess, were made for Bloody Marys. That's what they're trying to claim. Sienna? I want nothing to do with salmon flavor and vodka. It's disgusting. Really? You think you're going to make a lot of money off this? Good luck, Alaska. Woods, would you eat...

40:14Bacon-flavored, where'd you drink bacon-flavored vodka? Oh, boy. He's looking at me like, do you even know who I am? Come on, dude. No, it's disgusting. It's repugnant, and there'll be one bottle sold of each. L-O-B? I think it's disgusting, but... Pretty much anything bacon touches turns to gold. And anyone that drinks martinis or, like Sienna said, the Bloody Marys, people that like the drinks that kind of taste like food, they might be in on it. Yeah. 570-1949 is our phone number, by the way, if you would like to weigh in on any of the topics that we talk about on the panel. And then last, of course, is the phenomenon known as Eclipse. Sienna. I don't know what to say. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I never read any of the books, but these previews look amazing. New Moon, not so much. Twilight, the first one. That was all right. This one looks good. Guys may even want to see it because there's a huge battle scene between wolves and vampires. Maybe teenage guys. I don't know. Woods?

41:22i'll see it dude you will oh my gosh you watch new moon alone in your room yes correct i was bored it was a sunday afternoon i don't have any friends it was a saturday and i invited you to go to the beach yeah yeah i watch new moon i'll watch it why not I can't wait to watch it. In fact, I wish I was standing in line last night to watch it. Because the other one, like seeing us at Twilight, New Moon was horrible. I waited to see that on video. This one I'm definitely going to see in the theater. It looks good. Who will you go with? Either some of my girlfriends or I would gladly go by myself. I've read all the books and I can't wait to see how it plays out. L.O.B. has that. I'll do stuff by myself kind of confidence. Not me. Or me. I'm a lone wolf. You are. You really are. I am so not. I would not do that. I don't mind it. I got used to it when I used to go on a lot of business trips by myself. Yeah, I did that too, and I hate it. I hate being by myself. So do I. I'll go to the break room here, and I'll go, Woods, Woods, talk to me. Here, let's talk about this thing. We're all going to die alone. Let's see. M1 Maiden fan from Penasquitos. You there?

42:33Yo, brother. What do you think about the bully thing? Well, hey, man, since we're all turning communists in this country and we're all going left wing, it's just throwing more money at the bully. Maybe he'll finally realize he sucked the victim dry. Got it. Thank you. M1 Sarswimmer, is that right? Sarswimmer from San Diego? You are calling about the bacon and salmon flavored vodka. Yes. What do you think? It sounds good. You go to the Stone Brewery here in San Diego, they have a bacon-flavored beer. I don't know if anyone's tried it. Yeah. Really? I have had that. That's right. Bacon and beer doesn't sound like a bad combo. It's good. It sounds pretty good. It's actually really good, so I'm looking forward to trying some bacon-flavored vodka. What about salmon?

43:23That's what really gets me. It's not so much. Fish vodka. That is awful. I bet people would like it, though, with olives, you know? People that like salmon, they get it with capers and locks and stuff. I'll tell you this. Anything that I've ever had with bacon associated with it is good. I've had chocolate-covered bacon. I know. I don't think I've ever had anything with bacon in it that's not good. You can give me a bacon jelly bean. Mm-hmm. A turd wrapped in bacon. That bad. Okay, I can get it now. M1 Vanessa from Kearney Mesa. Good morning, guys. Hi. Good morning. I have developed a game with my grandkids, a four-year-old and three-year-old. We have the get flashcards. Yes! Do you really? Wow. I do. Whenever, you know, I show them both the flashcards, and I make them raise their hand, and I pick one of them, and if they get it right, they get to stay on the couch. If they get it wrong, they have to go in the hallway, which they hate because it's dark. Get! And I tell them, you know, get! And they already know to get. Get! That's fantastic. That is fantastic, Vanessa. Fantastic. And I've got to get them on video so you guys can see it. Please do. They already know to get when they get it wrong. Yeah, please take them on video and send it to us. Thank you, Vanessa. That's awesome. That's awesome. M1 Public from Escondido. Hey, L.O.B., I'd love to take you to go see the movie. I'm totally in on the movies. Creeper!

44:47I'm 20 years old. For some reason, I still like all of the series, even the movies. Are we Facebook friends? Yeah, we've met Public before. He's come to the meet and greets. Public, are you Facebook friends? Do I? Are you Facebook friends with L.O.B.? No, I'm not. Public, what's your boyfriend's name? No, really? Really? I'm just kidding, dude. I've seen him, too. No, yeah. You guys find my bumper sticker. That's how you guys kind of know me. Oh, really? He came to the meet and greet at Stone, I remember. Yeah, it's Stone, and I got a picture of Mikey's dad because he took the camera backwards. Oh. Took the camera backwards. What does that mean? He took a picture, but he took it of himself. He held the camera the wrong way. Your dad. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. That's classic. You've got to send me that. Yeah, can you email that to me? Please email that to me. Wait, are you on Facebook? Yeah, I'm on Facebook. Well, dude, be my friend. Look at her fishing for dates over here. She wants to see what's up. No, if we're going to go on a date, we've got to be friends first, right? Yeah. In other words, if we're going to go on a date, I've got to see what you look like before we even go down that road. Send me a picture. I'll check you out. I'll see if it's any good. Shirtless. We'll go on a group date. I'm too scared. No, I remember. You're a good-looking guy.

46:12Oh, thank you. That's not hurting your cause. Yeah. I feel like a woman. Shallow hell over here. 570. No, I want to make sure he's not going to slit my throat. 19490. Really, did you tell that from a picture? You can tell a lot by what people decide to put out there about themselves. I put a YouTube video of UFOs, all right? And look how long it took me to be on board with you. But I turned out to be okay. You didn't know this, but she actually had security at... That restaurant that day when you guys were there. We met in a public place. Yes. She had spies there with her. What was I going to do? Hey, can you meet me at the storage facility? I'll talk to you about a job. Can you help me get this video? Yeah. I'd like to talk to you about being on my new show. What size are you? No. So there apparently are going to be less fireworks in San Diego. Boo! The headline is, fireworks fizzling out in San Diego. Okay, well, there's this guy, an attorney in Encinitas, his name is Marco Gonzalez, and he has publicly voiced his concern for the fireworks at the La Jolla Cove, basically saying that it's environmentally hurtful because the animals in the water and they don't follow guidelines. But the cove, the fireworks that have been there for years at the Cove in La Jolla, follow the same exact...

47:31guidelines as every other beach that does fireworks. So this has caused a lot of concern for people because if the cove gets punished, then odds are every other beach with fireworks will be punished. Question. What? You guys ever light a lot of fireworks? I have, yeah. Okay, I have too. In Texas, where we live at the lake, we go spend a couple hundred bucks and we blow them off in our backyard. There's crap everywhere. What do you mean by that? Like trash? Yeah, like paper and crap everywhere. Jay, you're not in on that? No, I actually was helping them produce the big fireworks show down on the bay. I've done a ton of fireworks shows. Weird. I did Sky Show for 12 years. Yeah, the stuff that falls on the ground is a different type of fireworks. SeaWorld's done all this study because they shoot fireworks every night down there. I hear them. And they've come back with zero impact. Oh, that's good, man. So those big, big, big ones. No paper, no crap. Well, most of it burns up, they say. But talking with the fireworks guys, they've been doing it for years. They've done studies. But all of a sudden now they're trying to come up with all this. Yeah, I guess there's not Roman candlesticks laying around down there like it is at my lake house. Basically, they're big plastic tubes that they shoot up out of. There's a hearing this morning at 830 at the courthouse downtown over this issue. So hopefully we'll have an answer soon. Hey, the other day Woods was talking about how Led Zeppelin.

48:54ripped off a band called Spirit. And Woods even played them back to back and you could hear the similarity between this band Spirit and the song Stairway to Heaven, okay? Well, there's now a lawsuit that's been filed against Jimmy Page over Dazed and Confused by a completely different artist. And when we come back, we'll do both songs. We'll do the ripping off of Stairway to Heaven in the original, and we'll do this new lawsuit one, the ripping off of Dazed and Confused, the original, and Dazed and Confused. We'll do that when we come back. I can really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I can really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now. Yeah! Cream or Regina, you're a wish. It's Airplanes by B.O.B. It's got Hayley Williams, a chick from Paramore singing in it. It's good. She's sexy? She's very sexy. Never heard of her. Paramore?

50:25I know that one. It's a jam. So let's see. Okay, yeah. So this Led Zeppelin is getting sued, at least Jimmy Page is. First we'll do the very first one. Can I tell you something I read about this this morning? Sure. The band that they allegedly ripped off, Mike, the band Spirit, opened. No, Led Zeppelin opened for them in 68. Is that right? That is right. So that explains a little bit. That explains some of it. So let's listen to them back to back. This is Spirit from 1968. And then it'll go into Led Zeppelin. Listen to that. Stairway to Heaven. Stairway to Heaven. That is. Stairway to Heaven. Now listen. That's Stairway to Heaven. Wow. Wait, it gets better. And they'll go back and forth. What they'll do is they'll go back and forth between that one, the Spirit record, and Spirit. I mean, it really is. I mean... Come together. That is so wild. One was a little bit more popular than the other. Slightly. Now, let's do the new one, because this is the lawsuit that's happening now. There was a folk singer named Jake Holmes back in 1967, and he claims that...

52:39He did a song that was later turned into Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin. Here is Jake Holmes' song. Oh. Wow. That's not folksy. Oh, my God. It's like Eskimo Blue Hotters. It's exactly like Eskimo. How is that possible? How did you do that? Jake's song was called Confused and Dazed. Yeah. And then, of course, this is Dazed and Confused, 1969, a couple of years later. Blazed and Abused. Wow. Yeah, Blazed and Abused. I mean, they put their own spin on it. Same song. Oh, my God. See, I think what the lawsuit should be is, well, whose is better?

53:50Well, why did it take so long? You know, I am a Zeppelin fanatic. And I've read 15 books on them. And they pretty much copped to ripping off a lot of old blues guys, Robert Johnson, like Lightning Willie Hopkins or something. I mean, they basically said, you know, we pretty much copped this from them. I mean, the spirit thing with Stairway to Heaven, that's pretty crazy, man. I mean, that's taking the same chord structure and writing a whole new song around it. The reason that it's so rough is because it's the exact same song. Yeah, and it's gotten so much notoriety, that song. Stairway to Heaven is just like, everybody knows that. Absolutely. Let's see. So... There was a man that had his name legally changed to Donald Duck. No way. It's a true story. We read about it this morning on our Facebook page. I think that was his God-given name. Birth name. Oh, so he didn't even have it changed? No. That was his given name. His parents named him Donald Duck. Donald Norman Duck. So his last name was really Duck. Duck. Yeah. Donald Norman Duck. Oh, my goodness. Poor guy.

55:05Donald Norman Duck. 51 years old. Got a little trouble in Ohio recently with some drunk driving. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Well, I wonder what that might have sounded like. How you doing, sir? Oh, my goodness. You're a duck. Okay, can you mind turning the car off, first of all? Second of all, I need to see your license and registration. Have you been drinking? No, no, no. You haven't been drinking. No, no, no. Because I can barely understand you. I'm a duck. You said I'm a duck? Yeah. Yeah. Why are you driving? First of all, you're a duck. Because I'm trying. What are you sitting on? Sitting on encyclopedias? Oh, yeah. Ridiculous. What do you have on your feet? Those aren't feet. You have like a... You got like a... Some kind of a broomstick to the pedals? Is this supposed to be funny? Are you... No.

56:08Are you trying to be a wiser? Are you drinking? I smell alcohol all over your bill. It's chapstick? Why are your feathers doused in Jim Beam? I can smell Jim Beam and your feathers are all in Jim Beam. I don't understand a word. Just get out of the car. Repeat after me. A, B, C. Follow my pen. Follow the light. Look at me. Follow the light. You're not looking at me. Follow the light. Are you drunk? Did you just fart? Duck just farted. You're drunk. Put your wings behind your back. You're going in. That's it. It's chapstick on my bill. On your bill. If somebody's getting an inebriation test and they pass gas, it's over. The cop knows right away. Okay, forget it. Because nobody does that when they're sober. Nobody's...

57:13completely serving a in front of a cop. Don't they? Never know. So here's the thing. I'm trying to see how I put this without giving too much away. Two days ago I went to lunch with somebody and hadn't seen him in a while. Something very awkward happened. No. Not that. It was the who's paying thing. Oh, right. It was time to pay. And I insisted and he insisted and it's comes down to who's going to insist the most harder. Yeah. And it becomes awkward. And so I gave up, which I usually don't give up, but it was becoming really uncomfortable. I was like, okay, he's not going to do that. So I started to ask myself, is there, is there anything more awkward than the who's paying thing?

58:18How do you pay? Honestly, I wish that there was a restaurant chain called Dutch. Yeah. So you know if you go to Dutch. Yeah, what they do as a business is if more than one person comes in, they automatically, that's their business. That's their business. Don't ever take a girl to Dutch. No. On a date. Yeah, you don't go to Dutch with a girl. Is there anything better than when you're with a large group of, say, like six or seven or eight, when the waiter comes in and goes, like, it's happened to me several times where he's like, Okay, so who's together? And you're like, me and her. Is this going to be a separate text? And you're like, yes, yes, you got it, you magnificent bastard. That's a good thing. Well, isn't that great? Because then if you don't want to, you can just say to him, well, it's all together. But wouldn't it be great? Just give us the option. Just get it all figured out before the end of the meal. I felt terrible when we all went out. Why don't? That place is ridiculously expensive. And it was like we should take Bauman. There. We took our friend out. Malman, I'm sorry. You know what we should have done that we didn't do? He shouldn't have had to pay. You and I should have split his meal. You guys didn't pay for him? No, we didn't pay for him. Because he was visiting. Here was the thing for me. And I still shouldn't have done it. I got invited to this dinner to go with Bark and Woods. Weird. So Rebecca and I went. And we went to an expensive restaurant. Went to Donovan's. It was amazing.

59:47And so at the end of the night, it was like, and I know that I shouldn't do the pay every time thing. I know that that's just not. And you do a lot. But Mike, in your mind, you think because you were invited, you should have paid. But that's the complete opposite. No, it's the opposite. Whoever does the inviting should pay if someone's going to be paying. I felt really bad. You need to stop. And it's so awkward. You're still tormenting yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's awkward because then you start to discuss. Let me tell you what skeeves me out is when discussions begin about. What did you get again? Here, let's take a pen and everybody mark off what they got. Do you know what we did? Rebecca did it. We gave her the check, and I was like, I can't. You've got to leave it up to just one person. I just want to go wait outside. Yeah, here's my card. Will you just let me know what you put on it? And, like, I just don't want anything to do with it. Rebecca actually handled it. I'm usually the person at the table where I'm like, I'll figure it out. I'll figure out what everyone else. I am not that person. I am not that. I can't. I am. Because I don't want the waitress to get stiffed because I've been that person where there's too many people involved. Drinks are flowing. People just want the bill pay to be over so they're not making sure that, like, everyone put in enough. Well, one thing we used to do.

1:01:07as guys in Dallas when we would have our guys night out and what we would do is we'd always go to a nice dinner. We'd always go to Bob's Steakhouse. Amazing. And there'd be six or seven of us or five or six of us and what would happen? We'd go, okay, credit card roulette. And we'd all throw our credit cards in and the waitress would, you know, run them around her hand and go, bam, and pick one. Really? That's the guy. Oh, jeez. That's great. Credit card roulette. But here's your, I probably hit me three times. And I'm paying for a $600 meal. And I'm like... But, hey, is it worth it? Because what if you don't get picked? You're like, I just feasted. I had wine, dessert, salad, steak, everything. But I can't help but feel guilty for the person that had to pay. What about the splitting evenly? That's the best way. It's so ghetto. No, it's not. At a nice place for five guys to go... Can we have separate checks? It's ghetto. It just is. No, I think that people should figure, all right, you have cash. I'll put double the amount. You give me cash. Try to give us a few cards. The problem is not a lot of people have cash anymore. Nobody carries cash anymore. Let's see what people do. What do you do? 570-1949. Call us right now, M1s. Let us know what's your thing with that. How do you handle it? Mikey felt so bad.

1:02:25about it that he was like, if you guys, if we can go to Pamplemos tomorrow, on me, let's go. He made a point of saying, on me. We were driving home, and I was like, that was really classless. It's not classless. It's not classless. It's like saying, hey, come to my birthday party, but I want you to pay for the party that I just invited you to. Usually when you go to a birthday dinner, you make sure the birthday person doesn't pay. You and I should have picked up Bauman's deal. But we didn't. I should have. You shouldn't have. I should have. I'm the D in the whole situation. I should have picked up the entire meal, okay? And I should have at least picked up Bauman's. No, I think everyone throws in even as, I think, better than putting in what you owe. But then there's always, like, there's, like, that Friends episode where the person just gets soup because they're on a budget. And the other person gets steak and wine. And they have to pay half. M1 Jamba from Solana Beach. Are you there, Jamba? Oh, yeah. How you doing? What do you do? Me and my buddies, we like to credit card roulette, and we do a little tip pool. Same thing that Woods was talking about. How does tip pool work? Well, you basically just take the total, figure out the tip you'd like to give that person, get everybody to kick in on that. Okay. So you're not stranded. So you're roulette on the meal, but you all chip in for the tip. Yeah. That's kind of cool. M1 Steve is calling to tell us all the truth. He's from Old Town.

1:03:53He just wants to give it to us from the server's perspective. Go ahead, Steve. Hi, guys. Not much. How are you doing? Pretty good. But let me tell you guys this much. Every time that I'm a server and we get parties of eight or more, and they go, yeah, can we split bill, please? I'm like, oh. Eight or more is a beating. Especially when you're busy. Yeah. Really? I know it's hard. I've been a server, too. I've been a bartender. I've had to do that with drinks. I know it's hard, but, man. You're saving lives out there, buddy. You're saving lives? You are not saving lives. By splitting the tab, dude. What do you mean? He's saving people a lot of embarrassment and a lot of just awkwardness, man. I mean, true. Eight people, though, Woods? That's a beating. How relieved are you, Steve, when you're like, they're totally going to split it. They're going to split it. And then one person pulls you aside and gives you their card and goes, I'll take care of the table.

1:04:51Oh, thank you. That's the best. Isn't that awesome? It is the best. I bet. Because the server is just as awkward as the people at the table when the bill comes. You're like, ugh. I always thought it was easier as a server. I mean, obviously, if one person pays, that's the easiest. But the splitting evenly, like put 50 on this card, 50 on this card, that's easy for a server, too. But the specific meals is confusing. That's tough. I bet. M1, Chris from Del Mar, are you there? Yes. What's the best thing to do? when you're dealing with going out to eat and it's not a special occasion and it's friends going out just be more proactive about which friends you invite to certain places because you don't want them to be uncomfortable about what not to order or should I pay more than I should if it's not you know then the same line or didn't order the same amount of other people did you know I waited tables for 15 years and it was the worst to be at a table and have one person feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because they didn't as much as they would have because they're on a budget and at the end still have to pay. It's so unfair. Tough, too, when people are ordering booze because booze is so expensive. And see, and that's the other thing. Mikey, when we were with Mikey, like, Jamie had some drinks. I had a glass of wine. Bauman had some drinks. Didn't Rebecca? Rebecca. But, like, I don't want Mikey to pay for my booze. You know what I mean? Mikey doesn't drink. Like, why should Mikey have to pay for my Pinot Noir? You know what I mean? That happens to my parents all the time. They don't drink. And they're kind of like...

1:06:16good about when they go out, they'll sometimes even split something and the bill comes and it's always the, let's just go even this time. They're like, ah. Yesterday, by the way, speaking of even, yesterday, L.O.B. taught me the difference between odd and even for people that weren't listening later in the show. It was a big deal. Yeah, because if you listen to the Mikey show for any length of time, I've never in my life, I'm 40, I've never had the concept of odd and even. Couldn't get it. 83. Never an oddball. Lauren, tell everyone how you taught me. Well, this is what I said. When a number comes up, think of it as if these people were standing on a baseball field and you have to split them into two teams. If you can do it. and there's nobody left out, it's even. But if there's a person left out, they're the oddball. So it's an odd number. That's all she had to say? She's been slaying it. We have all tried forever. I mean, everything you could possibly imagine. I've done private lessons in his car going, Mikey, how do you not get this? You spent probably real time, a good five minutes, a good five minutes of solid discussion. And mostly it was me going,

1:07:24Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Because I was embarrassed to say, no, I don't understand. Change the subject. Change the subject, yeah. I just wanted it to be over with because I didn't understand. People always try to explain it to me in mathematical terms. I can't understand. Yesterday she did that. Made perfect sense to me. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, now I know the difference. It's visual. It's sports. I feel like my child just graduated from kindergarten. You know it, right? I feel like a proud papa. M1 Jason from Coronado. Good. How can we solve the embarrassment when we all go out to eat? He's right. Woods and Sienna will, and then me and L.O.B. and Jay will forget. Somebody forgets. No, but it should be a good rule of thumb. I've started to do it recently because it's always that. Oh, shoot, I don't have cash. But if you can remember to do that, then you just, here's what I owe. At the very minimum, I'm going to stop at the ATM that way. I don't have to play the game. Hey, I'm when Kevin's a server in La Jolla, and he says, grow up, servers. You guys grow up here, right? Well, pretty much, it's like, yeah, their job is pretty much to serve you, right? So it's like, the fact is that they're getting paid when they're without it.

1:08:49The guys, first of all, plan ahead. Bring cash with you. If you don't do that, then, yeah, split it evenly. If you guys all order the same thing, but if one guy's ordering a flemignon, the next guy's getting a soup, pitch in your own mouth, but just pay attention to how much you're spending. As far as the service goes, it's like, yeah, you're getting paid on this. It's like the customer's job is to make it as easy as possible, but at the same time, it's like you're getting tipped for a reason, for the service. Kevin, I've worked at places where the system, depending on what the system is, it doesn't allow you to split it. No way. Well, no, it's like I'm asking for a separate tab. You say, hey, I got this many, and you write their credit card numbers on the back. You write down how much it is. You make it as easy as possible for the server to do the job. Don't just throw freaking 10 credit cards at them and say, oh, yeah, I want 15 on this, 12 on that, 20 on this one. That's a pain in the ass. Well, when people say we're together and we're together, I'm like, oh, great, because I've already served. eight tables while I've had you guys, and I can't remember what anyone had. Yeah, don't split it that way. Like, I still agree. Yeah, you have one tab per table. Unless you have a couple that's taken off early, then, yeah, it's okay to have a separate tab just for them. But not as long as you have, like, ten people with ten different tabs out there. I'm so confused. Set down one tab and freaking split it.

1:09:59All right, thank you. Write it out for him. My brain is like, cash. Just bring cash. From now on. The cash is a good idea. If you're going to a big, fancy dinner, bring a couple hundred bucks. If you know it's going to be a group dinner, bring cash. In the 8 o'clock hour, we're going to tell you when Verizon's going to start carrying iPhone. No. Yeah. Kind of big news. Holy cow, that's huge news. That is kind of big news. I mean, it's not like a formal announcement from Verizon, but there's word on the street and it's a pretty good word. Here's the thing with me is this is really making me wonder whether I should get the new iPhone. Because if I do get the new iPhone, every time a new iPhone comes out and you get it, you're signing up for two more years. I know. Yeah. Such a good racket, isn't it? Sure it is. Well, I have a cracked BlackBerry screen now, and I'm like, well, I've been due for an upgrade since February. I'm just too lazy to go to the store and get a new phone. You can do it for $199. Yeah, but now I want to keep Verizon now if there's going to be the new iPhone, but what do I do in the meantime? Just keep the cracked phone? Keep the cracked phone. For a year, two years. Woods did, right? I did. Wouldn't it bother you? You can buy one on eBay or something, a used one.

1:11:06Can you imagine? What a good racket that is. Every time you get a new phone, two more years. Yeah. What if somebody signed up to be a Mikey Show M1 and they had to listen for the next year? Yeah, you're like, you can't do anything about it. You can't do anything about it. That's amazing. You're stuck with us. That's amazing. You guys heard of Grandpa Gaga? Nope. Nope. You're about to. Is he robbing banks? No. It is a YouTube video. It is? That is going everywhere. Viral? It's one of the big ones right now. It is a grandpa. dancing to Lady Gaga Poker Face. And he is dancing in a way that is like Napoleon Dynamite at the end of the movie. Just getting after it, but in a way it's really good. Do I like this? Do I not? What's going on? How old a grandpa are we talking? Can you tell? 80s. Getting after it. At one point, he tries to do the splits. Oh, no. He does this move like this. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Like where he lifts up his knee. Yeah, and then there's these two jabronis that decide that they're going to try to join in with Grandpa, and Grandpa is...

1:12:11out dancing these floors. Oh, yeah. It's on my blog today if you want to see it. I can't wait to see it. It's called Grandpa Gaga. This guy's everywhere. He's by himself. He's like at a restaurant or a bar just dancing alone on the dance floor. Let me ask you, Sienna. What? Can you dance? Can I? Yeah. As well as a white girl can. Yeah. Because I don't know if anybody's ever had this experience. I... I think I have rhythm and I can actually dance. One time though, I went with a friend and just to be a drunk jerk, I was on the dance floor. He made fun of me. It was over. Never again. Never again. And I wasn't even like, I wasn't even really dancing. I can't dance at all. You can't? At all. I'm surprised. I bet you can. I bet you can. Dude, I'm rarely self-conscious. play guitar, sing for people. I'll sing right now. Which means you have a rhythm. He would not dance with me at my wedding. I was like, come on, come on. I can't dance. You danced with L.O.B. slow dance in here. I can slow dance. I can't. If I was single and a girl was like, hey, meet me and my girlfriends tonight. We're going to be at whatever and we're going to be dancing. I would be like, I can't. I hurt my foot. I know. I don't know how to slow dance. I can slow dance. Sometimes I feel like I'm a really good dancer some days. Of course you do. And then some days I'm like,

1:13:34I have nothing. Me too. It's like when I play pool. It depends on what day it is. It depends on your alcohol content. Yes, and alcohol content. The more that's flowing, the better I dance. Ooh, I'm killing it. What's that song by Spand Up? True. True. Yeah, that's it. Every time I hear that song, I get chills because all it reminds me of is high school and how much I couldn't dance if everybody was dancing to True. I'm like, I can't. Slow dance? How can you not? All you do is just shuffle your feet. Mike, this is the old standard here in high school. In high school, Mike. He's going to play you the music. They're already dancing. They don't even need it. Lauren's hands are resting on Woodsy's shoulders, and his hands are on the hips. Oh, now they're hugging. Now I'm uncomfortable. And then when you get older, when you get married, you do this. And then you do, yeah, when you get older, you clasp hands. One hand, the other on the shoulder. And the waist. They're slow dancing right now. That makes me so nervous. That's so easy. You just sway. There is no way. Sienna, I'll tell you what happened. I will. Oh, it's so sweet. Her head is on his shoulders. I would step all over the girl's feet. No way. Well, you have to be firm and you lead her. I would need. No, no, no. I would ask her if it was okay if I could stand on her feet. What? You know what I mean? It's not okay.

1:14:54Because I don't know what I'm doing. He's like, don't even think about standing on my feet, buddy. No, you're going to break my toe. I'm not that heavy. Yes, you are. I'm not. That was my favorite one. I'm not. I'm not. Don't cry, Mikey. But I'm not. But you are. Oh, wow. The old eighth grade dance. Nothing quite like it, man. So glad that's over with. 570-1949 is our phone number. I bet that grandpa's going to be invited on to Ellen. He will be. Say it right now. He will be. 1,000%. Great call. Of course he will. I'm picking the music today. Such a cool story. This is Jeremy Camp. And I met a guy one time and started talking to him. Jeremy Camp is a Christian artist. And I met this guy. And I had no plan to tell this story. His daughter, he lost his daughter. His daughter was married to Jeremy Camp. We got into a conversation and I said, yeah, my daughter was married to Jeremy. I said, no way. It was a really cool story.

1:16:17Anyway, this guy's really great. Saw something yesterday that a guy did to impress a girl when I was at the fair. And I was like, and then I saw a girl do something to impress her guy. And for that guy, it was not that cool. And his name is Steve Woods. And if you want to know what I'm talking about, you can go to Facebook and go to the Mikey Show fan page. And there's a picture of Woods, and you can see what I'm talking about. We'll come back, and we'll tell you all about it. And then we're going to, that will bring up the topic of what you've done to impress a girl. I feel like this is my guilty pleasure.

1:17:37Dirty Heads? Yeah. So I said that yesterday that I saw a guy do something to impress a girl at the fair that was really cool. This is a real summer song. It sounds like the summer on the beach. I know, that's why I like it. Drive with the windows down. You heard this, Sienna? Yeah. It sounds so much like Sublime. It's got their guitar player. Yeah, I know, but even the lead singer sounds like Bradley. He does. So this kid was probably 14. At the fair? At the fair. 14, was there with his girlfriend. And I'm hearing this. I mean, it's loud. And I'm like, what is that noise? So I kind of go looking for it. It's this 14-year-old kid throwing a baseball, and all he had to do is hit.

1:18:40You know, like a wrestling mat that you wrestle on? Yeah, they have them hanging. It was hanging. With a target? With a target. And they had a gun on this kid to test how fast he was pitching. And you had to pitch 73 miles an hour in order to win. And this kid was pitching 78. He was 14, and he was dressed like he was the lead singer from The Killers. And I'm like, wow. That's impressive, this kid. And so he won his girlfriend, like, the most expensive thing you could get. Did you get up next to him and throw some heat? Two words. Paw-lease. Paw-lease. Yeah. And so I buy some tickets to get on some rides for the kids and stuff. For the kids? Jake is going on rides. You didn't go? I did. I actually did go on rides. Did the twins go? Twins can't yet. Well, they can't go on rides, but did they go to the fair? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they went. Aw. And Woodsy and Jamie were there. And I get back to where everyone's at just in time to hear the entire crowd cheering. What? Like there's a group of strangers that gathered and were cheering. No. And there's a gigantic smile on the face of the guy that's operating this. Officiating. Officiating this thing. His stand. And I'm like, oh, look at that.

1:20:06Woods just won Jamie something. No. Jamie won Woods something. What? It was a free throw. It was a basketball free throw. She can shoot some hoops? Dig this. Ready? Oh, no. So I walk up, and I'm like, we're waiting, because we're waiting for Mike to get those tickets. And I'm like, eh, I got five bucks to burn. Shoot some hoops. Try to win a stuffed dog. So I get up. $5 gets you three balls. So I shoot, miss, shoot, miss, shoot, miss. And then this clown goes, hey, why don't we let your wife try one? She can't do worse than you did. On me. On me? Yeah. So she takes the ball, one shot, drains it. Drains it. Swish. Swish. Yes. Drains it. Wow. The whole place freaks out. Yeah. This guy was like laughing. I should have told him to go on my brush's tooth. Embarrassed the crap out of me. Woods was beet red. And people are applauding like strangers that saw it were applauding. Yeah, Jamie was laughing. She's laughing. She's like, go ahead, dear. Pick whatever you want. Was she cackling? Oh, she's cackling. So we got this giant stuffed dog. It's huge. There is a picture of it.

1:21:26On our Facebook fan page. And I had to carry that dog around because it was one for me. Yeah. Didn't carry it around. What did your real dogs think of that dog? What we did when we got home was we threw it on the ground and we opened the door and let them run. They all ran in and were like sniffing at it. And then Penny actually cuddled up next to it and slept on it. Are you serious? I thought they were going to use it as like a little, you know. A little action. Pushing cushion? Yeah. Oh, wow. 570. Lauren just demonstrated it. Yes, she did. That was really interesting. Creepiest person on the show. Yeah, she is. She's the dirtiest creeper. She's the dirtiest pervert. Pervert. Yeah, you're really cutting it in my territory. Yeah, seriously. 570-1949 is our number. It was very emasculated. Yep. I bet. I have a really good outside shot. I can't dribble. I can't pay. I can shoot lights out. Not yesterday. No. One shot for her. Easy, Shaq. Yeah. Easy Ron Artest. Yeah, seriously. Call us and tell us what you've done to impress a girl. That is so funny. And it was pretty awesome if you do say so yourself. Yeah, well, I've got some. I posted this on Facebook the other night. And what got me thinking about it was I watched Youth and Revolt, Mikey's favorite movie. It's the worst movie ever. Out of your mind. By the way, Woods just said the name of the movie.

1:22:47No one's heard of it. Yes, they have. No, they haven't. You're a clown. Michael Cera. It's brilliant. Brilliant. How much did that movie make? I don't know. What does that matter? $400. $500. How much did your peros amores make? $6? That's true. It's what it cost to make that movie, too. Pesos. Yeah, $7 that movie made. And that's how much it cost to produce as well. Touche. So. I'm watching, I'm like, God, it's amazing what a guy will do for the love of a beautiful woman. Right. And because he, you know, he blows up cars, he creates an alter ego. So I got some, I took the greatest hits. These are Facebook entries, what people wrote on our fan page. If you go to Facebook.com and you search The Mikey Show, you can join our fan page. It's 8,800 strong. And what did you get? Well, actually, one of them came from my buddy that I play baseball with. His name's Pat McClure. Pat writes.

1:23:42He got him and the girl, his date, on the field for batting practice at an Oakland A's against the Anaheim Angels game. He said, but it backfired when all the players started hitting on her. Well, that sounds like it was a little bit of a gift for him. Yeah, it does. Well, it could be. It does. It could be. Still impressed her. Another M1 broke into his girlfriend's house on Valentine's Day, filled her room with balloons, totally stuffed the room with balloons, helium, mylar, air-filled, red, pink, and white. Had the balloon. With the teddy bear trapped inside. That whole bit. I had the same exact thing. Happened to you? Same thing. He says, nothing impresses a chick like breaking and entering. Did you think it was cute? Oh, I loved it. I think he got permission from my roommate. But I was like, oh my gosh. It looked like something out of a movie. It was awesome. Girls like it when other girls get to see what a guy did. What great extent. Yeah, that's true. An effort. What about the end of that hot dog, Sienna? He did give you the end of a hot dog. He did. This is the man that I married. I love him. I've never been with anyone that's romantic because I think it's cheesy sometimes. But what Todd thinks is the most romantic thing he does for me is gives me the ends of his hot dog. The food. The food. The food. Because I like the end bite the best. Oh, my God.

1:25:04And now it's so weird. Romance. I love it. I can't eat them being pregnant now. Call us with these, by the way. 570-1949. These last two are my favorite. This guy got a job at I Can't Believe It's Yogurt. Yeah, I Can't Believe It's Yogurt. TCBY? No, I think it's I Can't Believe It's Yogurt because the chick I liked worked there. And he goes, yeah, I had to wear the shirt with a little exclamation point on the end. I can't believe it's yogurt. And he said it was, without a doubt, the worst job ever. Of course. But he did it because the girl he liked worked there. I love it. This guy, too, was a freshman in high school. Tried doing a cartwheel in front of a girl that he liked, and he was packing over 250 pounds at the time. Ended up laying on his shoulder and broke his collarbone. Oh, man. Did she go out with him afterwards? I don't know. Oh, my gosh. Classic. Obese Mikey narrated a cassette tape for a girl named Catherine in Rochester, New York. Explain. Explain. Got a bunch, you know, all the songs that were popular at the time. I went into the studio at the radio station that I worked at, saw her in a record store that she worked at, met her, and I was like, I'm going to make a tape for her. And I was like. I've done the same thing? Yeah. Narrated it? Yeah, I was like. When I worked at a radio station. Yeah, I was like. What do you talk in between?

1:26:25Yeah. So cue up a song. Give me a bit. That's what I want to hear. Like maybe some Peter Cetera and Cher after all. I swear I did the same. I added sound effects. What? It wasn't always even romantic music. They were fart sound effects. You know that. Oh my God. Was this for Todd? Yes. Of course. I did the same thing. Did you? I actually took pieces of songs though and made it into a thing. Like I would talk and I'd say, you know, like, you know, I really feel. And then it would say, and Brandy was her name. I didn't know her, but I loved her. Just the same. And then I would say. I loved her name. And I played it for her over the phone. Holy crap. Yeah. All right. I'll give you one of the songs. Had to just download it because I don't have it. This is an original. This was on the mix. This was on the mix. Michael Shannon special. Never cease to amaze me every single day. I've never told you that story. No. Yeah, she friended me on Facebook, too.

1:27:23And so I will write her and ask her if she still has the cassette. There's 0% chance she still has the cassette. Or she plays it at dinner parties. No, no, no, no. Oh, she liked it a lot. Didn't get anywhere with her, by the way. That's a big smikey. But really tried. Really, really tried. Does anybody have any of their old cassettes? Todd has the one I gave him. It's on a cassette tape. Cassette? Uh-huh. You made it for Todd. Yeah. There are some girls up in the tri-state area, Connecticut, Massachusetts, all those girls I dated. Boy, the kid was big into making mixtapes. Oh, man. So when I play this, what do you want me to do? What would you say? Like what I would have said? Yeah. If you remember. So I guess the right thing to do is let you know a little bit about me and who I am and everything. So my name's Mike, and I'm 22 years old. She didn't even know your name. No. You are creepy. That's creepy, Mike. That is weird. Listen, when you're obese, Mikey. I guess I should tell you a little bit about me. Wait a minute. You gave her, like, a personal ass? Are you guys going to make this the safe tree, or are you going to make this the cross? You're in the trust tree. I'm going to go right back inside my turtle shell. I'm going right back inside my turtle shell. In the nest. Turtle just went boop, boop. I may be hanging out in there for a while. Come on out, little guy. Come on out. Come, little guy.

1:28:47I got a carrot. It's okay. Yeah. Here's some lettuce. Hang on, hang on. Because that was like some dumb... That was like some... The Copacabana? What was that? Yeah, what was that? What was the live version? Of Copacabana? No. Let's see. So you didn't put slow songs on that. What the hell is that? It's the King of Wishful Thinking. It's Al Jarreau? By Go West. Oh, Michael. It was popular at the time. I was playing at the station. Is it in Pretty Woman? It is. I've never seen Pretty Woman. It's too bad. All right, go. Sorry, my name is Mike. I'm turning around. I was real funny on it, I remember. She liked it. If you do say so yourself. If I had been cute, she'd have gone out with me. Wait, how do you know she liked it? Did she listen to it in front of you? Oh, we talked on the phone. Yeah, we talked on the phone. She kept you at arm's length real good. Well, the reason that we talked on the phone was there was no social networking. So I brought the tape there. She wasn't there. And so I left the tape, which was way better for me. Oh, yeah. Did you leave your number on it? Yeah, well, it was on the tape. At the end of the tape was my number. You're like, 555. Yeah, I was like, my number is 555. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. And she called me. She loved it.

1:30:12And we talked for a while until I actually met her, and then she was like, it's really nice to meet you. See you later. She liked me. She wanted me to be her friend. That's a nice girl. Yeah, she wanted me to be her friend. She just said there was no chance in the way she'd ever kiss me, but I had a mullet, and I was 455 pounds. What's she going to do? Sounds hot. It's not like I blame her. Let's see. Mikey, I work at a phone kiosk in the mall. This is a... Text we just got. L-O-B. Mikey, I work at a... Lauren. Lauren hit on a black guy. It's a kiosk in front of me. I'm going to start crying. She's going to cry again. Lauren hit on a black guy that worked at a kiosk and... Got shot there. He said, sorry, I have a girlfriend. Yep. And she... Went into her car and cried. Yep. I can't do this anymore. I hate being single. I'm going to be 30. Mikey, I work at a phone kiosk in the mall. A few weeks ago, I used my ebony skin and overall good looks to impress a girl so much that she tried to give me her phone number. Unfortunately, I'm in a relationship and had to shut her down. No way! M1 Big Ragu. Is that the same guy? It's probably the same guy. No way. That's genius. Probably is. That is not funny. That's brilliant. You're right. It's not. It's hysterical. Yes, but I don't give you his email address. He said, please don't give it to her. He did.

1:31:37Maybe now he's single. Maybe now he's ready for a little... His ebony skin. That's right. Ebony. Ebony skin. As soon as you said ebony skin, I was like, oh, hello. Oh, hi. What if it's the same guy? It's not funny. Hey, Sienna put something in a recap that actually got me to thinking. She's talking about, she's got a wiener dog, right? Yeah, a little zipper. Zipper, your wiener dog. Came home the other day, dog was not there, was lost. Sienna flipping out, right? Crying, screaming. Crying, screaming. Yeah. And then your husband found Zipper. Yeah. And you were so happy. Zipper had somehow made it into our garage, but then she had pushed the door open, but then she couldn't get out. Yeah. Now this got you to thinking that maybe you guys microchipped the dog. I want to. Yeah. So that way we know where she is at all times. If that ever happens again. I could find her. I know that some people will think that this is a crazy thought, that this is an absolutely crazy thought. But I think that it should be like a law that kids, when they're born, they're microchipped. Don't you say that? I agree. Let me finish. Let me finish. Really? Let me explain. And you don't even know where the microchip is. Oh, my gosh. You'd be on a foot.

1:33:03Because let me tell you what that would do to the sex perverts is that they're like, kids are microchip nowadays. If I kidnap a kid, cops got me immediately. GPS, baby. And I don't know where the, I can't remove it from the kid because I don't know where it is, you know? Yeah. They'd be afraid to do it. All the way on board. Well, you're going to have that as an adult. So now the big brother can track you everywhere you go, everything you do. He can track your speed. He can track your everything. So now you have to live fighting the machine, basically. You know who doesn't have to worry about that, though? People that aren't doing something bad. People that aren't doing anything wrong. Okay, then they'll sell that to marketing companies, to Google. This is where Jay walked today. These are the kind of restaurants he goes. We tracked you. You went two miles over the speed limit there. We're going to go ahead and impound your account because we already have all your bank information as well. Let's use our heads. Let's think. You've got little kids. You want to have little kids. I want to have little kids. Now, why couldn't they take it out?

1:34:03when you're 18 or when you're 16. Why take it out? Because we don't need any more reason for people to know in our business. But isn't there a GPS on your cell phone? Couldn't somebody find you anyway if you had a cell phone? But not little kids. Right, right. I'm asking Jay. You have GPS on your phone. But it wouldn't be stored at all times and tracked at all times. And when you were a little kid. Don't they footprint you immediately? First thing they do, they footprint you. Why? I've got a chip in my body. I know, bro, but here's the thing. Jasper goes missing tomorrow. God forbid, right? Let's not use him as an example. Well, I'm saying. Let's say a kid goes missing. Okay, a child goes missing. You log on to your computer. No. You put in your password. And here's his location. How great is that? What happens when somebody hacks into the system and finds out where your kids are? What if your body rejects the...

1:34:57The little metal thing that's in you. There's just so many things. If someone hacks into your system and finds out where the kid is, though, that's terrifying to think about. But then wouldn't you know where the kid is if something happened? But couldn't they just track where that kid is and then maybe try to figure out where the microchip is and cut it out of them? No, because they don't know where it is. Okay, a full body scan. Yeah, using metal. You mean for all those sex predators that have the full body scan? Where there's a will, there's a way. Fine. It makes it a lot, a lot harder than to snatch some kid walking down the street. Yeah. I lost my dog at one point, and he has a microchip. Sonny has a microchip. 20 minutes. Done. Really? Done. I'm doing it. What is a microchip? It's a little thing they put, I think, in their net. Is it a metal tag? No, they put it between their shoulder blades. Oh, my God. The microchip looks like a computer chip. They run the scanner over it, and it says, you know, Jamie and Stephen Woods and our address, and bam, there he is. Possibly cancerous? I don't know. Oh, boy. M1 Brian from La Jolla, are you there? I'm here. How's it going, guys? Good. Good. Your scanning idea for kids, your chip idea, I don't think it works exactly that way. I don't think it's like a GPS thing. I think you actually have to scan the chip in order to get the data off the chips they put in dogs and stuff. Oh, yeah. Here's my thought. My thought, and I had this thought a while back, I'm like, wouldn't it be a brilliant invention if somehow there was something on your kid that made your kid GPSable? What about just a bracelet? Putting it in somebody? They take it off.

1:36:26No. The predator would take off that bracelet. Put it banded on there with steel or something like that. They'll get it off. Steel bracelet for their whole lives? But doesn't that seem like a handcuff or something? Yeah, and then your kid has to have that. Well, when the kid's going to be away from you or something. I don't know. Something better than putting it, injecting it in somebody. Just a little chip. So invasive. Wait a minute. L.O.B., that's not a bad idea. What L.O.B. is saying is not necessarily a bad idea. They don't have to wear it all the time. But when you send your kids to school. You could put some sort of a bracelet on them that doesn't come off. What if it's on their belt? If it's on their belt, then they take the belt off. You know what I mean? Yeah, and throw it in the bushes and grab your kid. They grab your kid, you know? And that's the thing. It's like, there's got to be... But you could be alerted as soon as they veer off course, right? You don't know. What if you know that they're supposed to be going to school and coming home, and then all of a sudden they're veering a mile away from school? Couldn't you alert the authorities? They have things now, too. Probably do both. Do that, and it would also tell you where they are. They have things in cars now for 16-year-old drivers that mom and dad can log on and watch them as they drive. Really? To make sure that they're not texting, that they're going the speed limit. Oh, yeah, man. Hey, I'm kind of with Mikey on this one. I'm all about keeping our kids safe from these creepy sons of guns. For sure. I just don't like the thought of that invasive injection, and then it's not so easy to just take something like that out. I don't know.

1:37:52I wouldn't want to take it out. What if it was safe and it's not going to mess with your body chemistry? But then once you get past a certain age, it's just like, you don't want all that information. What do I care? Because it's got to be archived somewhere. And it's like, we're all worried about identity theft by using our credit cards. This is a GPS thing. That's what I'm talking about. But it also tracks all your movements. All I'm talking about is a GPS device. That's all it is. But it's got to be stored somewhere, right? What do you mean? The places that you visited. But does anyone really care if people know that you went to Arkansas? Yeah. Does anybody really care that you went to the store, then you went to school? Absolutely. Advertisers would really care if you're the type of person that goes to massage places. They would. Unless, of course, you were the type that said, hey, listen. If this thing's going to be invented, like if I'm a business person that goes, I'm going to invent this thing as a GPS deal. One of the things that I'm going to do in order to be able to invent this and make sure that it's profitable is let people know what it also isn't. Here's what it'll never be. It won't be sold to advertisers. It will eventually. No, no, no, no, no. They always tell us. Not if you, the business owner, the business person that develops it, if it were me. No.

1:39:05I go, no, we're not going to sell it to advertisers. The reason that we're not, we're going to make billions of dollars off of it just because of what it is. And it's just designed to save kids' lives. Yeah, it's not meant to be a marketing tool, and it never will be. I think it would, and also I think people could hack into this. I would do it. I would do it tomorrow. M1 Linda from Carlsbad? Hello? Linda, are you there? I am. Go ahead. Are you there? Yes. Mikey, I'm a little disappointed because I thought you were, you know. The way you think, I thought you were just a little bit more in line with what I think. Let's ask a Jewish survivor from World War II Nazi Germany what they would think about being chipped, the ones that hid in the walls. Right. The only difference between that is that they are being held captive against their will, and you're doing something to save a life, not take one. Yes, but cars and airplanes and people die every single day. You don't sell your soul and give up your freedom.

1:40:04To save a few. I mean, it just doesn't make sense. Talk to me how we're giving up our freedom. Because you're able to, just like every other caller said, you can be trapped. They know where you are. I mean, what happens if, I mean, okay, as a Christian person, they talk about the mark and then times your hand and your forehead. That is the most logical progression for me to have a chip in your hand. You scan it. Nobody has to carry it. Once you start something, it never. You can never retract it. It will snowball and become this huge thing and a matter of course for life. Everybody will do it because, wow, what a great idea. And next thing you know, everybody's chipped in the hand and we're standing. Instead of carrying ATM cards, look, nobody will ever be robbed again either because all your information is in your hand. You don't have to carry it. See, again, I'm not talking about any chip that has information. It's simply a GPS for one purpose, and that's to... Let us know where our kid is if our kid's ever abducted. And it's turning into a, oh, no, it's going to be used to sell to advertisers. It's going to be used to, I'm going, it's a GPS. Oh, yeah, that's a great point. Linda, how about, talk to me about this. Talk to me about all the advertisements that people get that have their dogs chipped. They don't.

1:41:28But what information would you want about a dog? It's the same thing. But the microchip is only there once you find a dog. It's there to identify whose dog it is. There's no GPS. Dogs aren't going to the store and buying their own food. But no, dogs aren't people. People are different. You don't chip. You don't need to. Again, let's ask the Jews during World War II, the ones hiding out in the forest, and the survivors, what they would have felt. if people had GPS them and their children. Yeah, well, that was for a evil purpose, and what I'm talking about is for the opposite purpose. But I understand your point, and I appreciate you, Linda. That's Emma and Linda from Carlsbad. You know this? You do know this. Lindsay knows this. Does anyone else know this? No. It's not Poco. Who is it? Randy Van Warmer. Oh, my God. It's a great name. You left me just when I needed you most, pal. Love this song. I played this for Mikey the other day. Weird. Really? Yeah, on the phone. Made him a mixtape? Wow. I narrated one. So I alluded to this earlier, and I told you it was going to be in the 8 o'clock hour, and it is. Word around the campfire is telling us when Verizon is going to carry the iPhone, and we'll tell you next.

1:43:19Not only is this honey to my ears, it reminds me of my honey. She got me into this band. The Fray? The Fray. Love The Fray because of my wife. Because my wife is a lyrics person. I'm not. I'm not either. I'm not a lyrics person at all. And the lyrics to their music kill her. And so I paid attention. And I was like, yeah, you're kind of right. It is good lyrics. Don't let me go. Welcome back to Mikey Show. Okay, so yeah, we told you a word around the campfire is that Verizon is going to start carrying the iPhone. And when is a word around the campfire that they're going to do that, Sienna? January of 2011. Really? That's soon. I hope you can tough it out. Tough it up, kid. AT&T has been the exclusive provider for the iPhone for five years. Yeah. It looks like that's going to be changing. Nice. Oh, I'm excited. Why wouldn't they? Now, no Verizon reps or AT&T. This hasn't been a confirmed deal, but Bloomberg News has reported it, and people are saying, yeah, it's going to be happening January 2011. This is, and listen, I'm not a business major, so I don't understand business, especially to the extent that somebody like Steve Jobs would.

1:44:46But this is what I don't understand about Apple. I don't understand why they haven't said, listen, AT&T, when our contract expires, we're not going to sign another exclusive deal with you. We're going to now allow iPhone to be sold with every carrier, to which AT&T would go, oh, no, you're not. And Apple would go, really? What are you going to do about it? Not carry us? Go ahead. Have a ball. Have a ball not carrying iPhone anymore. You know, the same product that's really put you on the map. They have the golden ticket. If you could look at, though, the number nationally, the number, or maybe even internationally, the number of users that use the AT&T service, and maybe if the numbers just blow every other carrier out of the water. They probably do. Then maybe it would make sense to keep that exclusivity. But that's what I'm saying. AT&T, they're not going to let iPhone go. They're not going to say to Apple. I don't think so. No way. No way. I mean, they wouldn't stop. What muscle do they have against Apple to say, we'll stop carrying your product? Really? They're lucky to have it. Of course. It's one of those deals where they'll go, okay. Yeah. Enjoy. We'll do whatever it takes to keep you here. Right. So really? So you're not going to carry our iPhone anymore? I guess only Sprint and Verizon and T-Mobile.

1:46:07I guess only they will. Maybe they were unsure if they could make the transition from computers to phones. So originally they're like, all right, we're going to do this exclusivity deal. AT&T is going to be the marketing muscle behind it. We're going to get that phone out there. And now it's so popular that they don't need that. Tim from IB is online. You there, Tim? Yeah, I'm here. What's up? Well, no, I had heard, I was talking at Radio Shack about the iPhone. And the guy there said that apparently AT&T is all up in arms about the droid phones. So they're making an amendment with their contract to allow Verizon to have the iPhone so they can get the droids on. Yeah, why are they all up in arms about droid? Because I guess droid is taken away from their business. Droid. Droid. Droid. Greenings. I talked to a guy that has a droid and he says he likes it and everything. And I looked, you know, he took my iPhone because he'd never seen one. I took his droid. I still like my iPhone. He'd never see, was your buddy living in, he was one of your cave buddies. Right? May I see iPhone? Yeah. What is iPhone? No, he said, he goes, I've never messed around. Can I see that? I go, yeah. I've never messed around with one. You haven't? I tried in the store and my thumbs were too fat and they were hitting all the wrong buttons. You get used to it in one day. You really do. Yeah.

1:47:25You really do. It's probably the same thing you thought when you got your Blackberry. I'm like, I'm never going to be able to type on this. Johnny Fat Fingers. There's no way. It's sausage just for fingers. If I gave you guys a tour of my iPhone, you would love it. I like the sliding action and all that bit. It was just as soon as I put the little digital keyboard up there, everything I typed was like the wrong letter. It was like that with me too. And then you master it. L.O.B. You're way too smart. You'd have it. It's not smart. It's big thumbs. It's dexterity and getting it. Look. Come on. And they have the self-correcting. They just thumb each other. I have a little thumb. Thinner than mine. Self-correcting slays me, by the way. Yeah, the self-correcting keyboard. You can turn it off. I have tried on my Blackberry, so when Mikey will write me something funny, I'll do my bit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hair stylist is what always comes up in the thing. How about when I write to tell Rebecca that I love her and I go, hun, and it says John. John. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Well, sometimes, like, I know some of the phones have, they'll finish your entire thought. Yeah. And it'll be like, you're going to be like, I like that idea. And instead it fills in, I love you, babe. Send it.

1:48:39Oh, my gosh. I have a new bit with you guys. I'm just going to start sending what it says to Sam from now on. So when you see it and it says, instead of, hey, bro, or hey, man, it's, you know, brother. It's just the weirdest thing. I'm just going to start doing it. My sister keeps it, and she's, like, too lazy to correct it. So I get these, like, cryptic messages that I've been able to figure out now. Hairstylists. The other day when the iPhone went on sale. to the public and not the pre-order deal, I kept having dropped calls. And Woods said that his wife has AT&T as well. Same thing. And it may have been because it was such an influx of all of these new customers that were buying the new iPhone. M1 Travis from Carlsbad, you there? Good. Hey, so one of the big deals with this is actually a legal stipulation that AT&T has. They're supposed to be developing their 4G network, and as everybody knows, they haven't done that. So Verizon has been working on this for like the last two years. And with them doing that, it allows Apple to opt out of their contract to actually go over and sell Verizon phones under them. Because AT&T has the 3G. Yep. And so Verizon's stepping it up with a 4G. What does G stand for? I have no idea. That's what I'm going to make a comparison. All right. Well.

1:50:00What it basically means is how fast your thing can do the internet, how fast your phone can work the internet. Gigabytes, yeah. Greetings, I think it stands for greetings. That's cool though, man. Yeah, well ultimately what they want to do is by having both on some sort of 4G network, you can do that new FaceTime, the video to video. You can do that without having to be on Wi-Fi. And you can't do that on a 3G network right now. I didn't know that you couldn't do it on Wi-Fi without Wi-Fi. No, I was in the store playing with it in Encinitas the other day, and I'm like, dude, I turn the Wi-Fi on, I'm like, what's going on here, you know? You guys are like, are you going to turn the Wi-Fi on, you know, blah, blah, blah. It was pretty cool, but, you know, I want to be able to do it if I'm out of town, and my wife and my baby are like, you know, I want to be able to do that if I'm not around Wi-Fi, but, you know, eventually, hopefully, with Verizon. Thank you. Thank you, Travis. I appreciate it, dude. I can't wait. He's very knowledgeable. I'm going to get one.

1:50:59I totally am. You're not. But I'm not. Here's the deal. I'm not switching carriers, bro. I don't make that much money, man. It's not about the money, Woods. Yes, it is. What are you talking about? I don't want to drop service. Yeah, exactly. My service is perfect. Mine is perfect. What are you talking about? I like my customer service. The money. Because I'm going to have to opt out and pay this big penalty to Verizon. Forget it. What are we talking? Honestly. $300. No, it's like $75. Dude. If your contract is up, too, it's not a lot. It's like $200. And my contract, I just renewed because I just bought a new phone. My contract is up. I'm still going to wait because I can endure the broken screen until January of 2011. I'm proud of you, LOB. Thanks. I'll show you how to maneuver around with that broken screen. My phone is going to be so cool. The iPhone's going to have updated four times by then. Oh, yeah. We're going to have, me and LOB are going to have a better iPhone than you do. When it goes to Verizon. Oh, well, that's what's making me think about waiting. It's going to be better than yours. You know you can't wait, Michael. I know that. I would bet my house that there's no way Mikey waits until January. I would, too. There's no way. I don't even have a house, but I would bet it. You guys heard Rebecca the other day. Oh, yeah. On the phone. That was the greatest. The moment of silence. That was strong. Mike, you pause. She's a strong woman. You be you, I'll be her.

1:52:21Hello. Hey, babe. Hi. Hey, listen. I, for work, have some stuff that I need to do with work that involves the iPhone. The new one. The new iPhone? Mm-hmm. And so I need to get it. Hun, you there? Yeah, I'm here. It was a much longer phone. It was longer than that. Was it longer than that? Oh, my gosh. It was amazing. He said, babe, I'm going to need to get the new. iPhone 4. I'm going to need it for work. Did you put us on speaker so that you wouldn't get in trouble? Yes. We were all listening. It was after our meeting and he was doing whatever he could to try to get that new iPhone. It was longer than 30 seconds. Right after the pause, Rebecca went like this. And then she goes, okay. She said,

1:53:17How much do those cost? And I think I said, I don't know. Not that much. I could get it with a couple of allowances. No, no, no. I know for sure what I said. I know absolutely what I said. I said, I don't know. I don't know. Which isn't true. You lied to your wife. It's a sinful lie. I think I chimed in and said, oh, no, it's not that much, or it was like $2.99. You all lied to Rebecca. It is not $2.99. It is. Not for me. Oh. Because you have to break your contract. No, no, no. If you buy an iPhone, the new version that comes out, you must wait until two years after that to be eligible for the... For the contract price. Reduced rate, yeah. Upgrade price. Well, yeah, so you'd have to break the contract that you have. No, he can't. Yeah, they say that you can. It's just more expensive. You can do it. My contract would just start again. Yeah. And it would cost $699. Yeah, it would be more expensive, but anyone can do it. $700? No, no, no. $699. Oh, my God. $699 for a phone? $699 for a phone? $699 for a phone. For a phone? This thing better come with lap dances, bro. Are you sure? I thought it was $499. No. That's like the price of an iPad.

1:54:28Sienna, you think I haven't priced this? I know you have. I'm just trying to believe you. It better come with lap dances if I'm paying $700 for a phone. It better come with lap dances. Yeah, it better come with a lap dance. Take it easy over there, guys. Free steak dinner. You know what? Now, the reason that Rebecca has to be this way is because her job is to be the accountant. So if she just blindly goes, sure, sure, sure, sure. Then I'll go. Because you're seven. You'll come home and be like. Yeah. That's what I saw. You'll be driving around remote control. Yeah. Yeah. Driving around remote control cars. Playing with real lightsabers. All kinds of stuff. She'll tell you though. I've been really good. Oh man. Oh dude. Now you want to. Listen. Ask her. Get her on the phone. Get her on the phone. Jake. Get Rebecca on. I've been good. He's doing it. He's on it. I've been good. I'm so you in this situation. Todd's like. Okay, okay, no, you have this much to spend. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. What can't wait until next month? I am a frugal Frida. I will be like, I'll wait. I'll be like, you gotta wait. Imagine if I were married. You gotta wait. You'd lose your mind. I'd never get it. You'd save so much money. I'd never get it. I'd never get it. You'd save so much money. I'd never get it. I'd never get it. I'd never get it. No. No. It'd be like mom again.

1:55:47Where I asked mom when I was a kid. You already got a boogie board. Forget surfing, buddy. Yeah, you got a boogie board three years ago. I'm a bargain hunter, though. I would be like, wait, let's not go to the store and get it. Try be nuts. Let's go to Craigslist. Shop around. And then on Saturday, we're going to hit up a couple yard sales. And I guarantee there's a deal out there that we can get. It's exhausting. Oh, it's worth it. It's exhausting. My dad would do the same thing. He will wait and wait. He has walked out of a car dealership seven times in one day. And been like, I'm leaving. I swear on my mother, he bought a car for me one time. He probably got this guy. This guy made 70 cents on this deal. By the time my dad was done with him, he was walking in the car going, look at that. That tire's a little low. You're going to need to knock 100 bucks off. And it was literally the guy's first day. He goes, oh, it's my first day on the job. My dad looked at him like he had just met. Jesus. He was like, I got you now, pal. See, I can't negotiate. I'll just keep coming back. M1EE from Scripps Ranch can tell us what the G stands for. Yeah, the G actually stands for generation. 3G and 4G, these are different modulation and broadcasting protocols. And the reason they're called 3G and 4G is because in different countries where they have cell phones and these different modulation protocols,

1:57:10Thank you. Double E. We got it. Thank you. Double E. Thank you very much. He's on it. He knows. Double E. Jay, were you not able to get her? Called both phones. Nothing. No answer. Taking the boy. Well, she said yes. Why haven't you gotten it? Because it just came out. I have to stand in line. They're sold out. I'll stand in line with you for $100. How did the follow-up discussion go when you got home? You didn't have a follow-up? No. He got the okay. It's a touchy subject. Don't bring it up. Don't talk about it. Just do it. It's done. If I were Rebecca, I would have been like... Really? We already talked about it. You got to call me on speaker with your crew? Yeah, with your crew. So I look like the bad guy if I say no. Okay, here's what I would have said. I'd have gone, see what I have to do? Yeah, but she said no before. I got to call you on the speaker because I'm so nervous of you. She said no before. That's her callback. When you asked her if you could have a mustache, she said no. She said no. She said absolutely no. And thank God for that. It is her. It is her? Yes.

1:58:32Hi, babe. Hi, were you trying to call me? Yeah. Okay. Did you hear what we were talking about? No. I hope this don't mess. Listen, hang on, honey. Hang on. I'm going to put you on hold for a minute, okay? If this messes up my deal, I will not have this conversation. I have your back. Is this going to mess my deal up? Tell her that she can't go back in her word. She already said. Yeah, she already said you're good. It's pre-ordered already. Honey. You realize I can hear you. I love it. We were talking about... Well, you know what? The reason that we called... How sticky. The reason that we called is because... There is some serious backtracking going on. No, there's not. The reason that we actually called was because... I said, listen, when it has come to overspending and spending money, I've actually been really good. And Woods goes, have you? And I go, call Rebecca. Have you? Hey! Honey! Haven't I? Has he gone over his allowance recently? Haven't you? No! What have I gone, babe? What have I gone over my allowance? Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that you go over your allowance per se, but this is what you do. What?

1:59:49Okay, the point of the allowance is that if there's a big purchase that you want to make, if you want to, you can save up your allowance and then make the big purchase. But that's not how it works. Instead, you cannot wait. Same difference. No, and so then you go, well, can we buy this? And then... You dock my allowance. You take out an advancement on your allowance. You dock my allowance. But then you go like two times. Without an allowance. Yeah, and then you're like I got an allowance forever It's a good child. Yeah, I am I am so ultimately we end up just starting to give you the allowance You're me dude when I was in high school if I wanted something I want it now. I'll just don't pay me for six weeks I need money. Yeah, and something else new comes out and then he's like how am I gonna get this? Little schemer. You're a schemer is what you are. You're a child. You're a little child schemer. Rebecca, do you have the same allowance as him? I don't have an allowance. She doesn't need one. She can control it. She doesn't. Yeah, she's not really the, oh, I need this. She doesn't see the shiny objects. Rebecca, will you give me and Jamie an allowance every week, please? Because we are the two worst in this.

2:01:19The world. Yeah. Nobody's in charge? Nobody's in charge. We just spend and spend. You can implement the allowance system on your own. But we can't. We won't abide. You can set it up online on your banking. That's true. I need a dude downstairs to hand me an envelope of cash and say, this is your cash for the week. I will see you next Monday. Don't spend it all. Yeah. Seriously. Thank you. My $9 a week. Thank you, honey. Love you. Love you. Love you, too. So funny. If you had messed up the new iPhone for me. We didn't even bring up the iPhone. You're totally good. We didn't. She said yes already. She's already committed. Pot committed is what they call it. Yes. Pot committed. It's one of my favorite bands. Who's this? Ever. Color Red. The Color Red. The Color Red. Not Red. Not Red. The Color Red. It's confusing. Listen to this one. This kicks in. It's a jam. They're very Deftones-y.

2:02:29So I love this stuff. The trends that girls think are cool that are out right now that guys don't like. I can't wait to hear them. So I'll tell you what they are next. You better listen up, ladies, because we don't like this. I need to breathe. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. I love this stuff. The trends that girls really like, that guys go. We don't like that. Skinny jeans. Bras. You know which one I don't like? I've talked about it before. It's those dresses that the waist is right below the boobs. The entire waist. I love those all I wear. I don't like those. I don't either. I don't think they're flattering. Girls love them. They love them.

2:04:05Every girl goes to another girl and sees those and goes, oh my God, so cute. They are flattering. They are. They're not. Unless they bulge out underneath like a pregnancy shirt or something. But they all look that way. It doesn't matter if it's Kate Moss wearing it. Maybe just buy a maternity dress. I have this here. But you're pregnant. You're pregnant though. Yeah, but I would wear it like that if I wasn't. You have huge boobs. I don't know how that matters. He's just pointing that out. I don't even know how to battle that. Just FYI. In case you guys didn't know, I just want to paint a mental picture for you in the audience. In case you're planning on going for a run today, you should know. It's just huge boobs. In case you're traveling to Mississippi by plane, you need to know. Sienna's boobs are huge. Those are definitely, you have to check those bags. Okay, all right. I'm about to have a child. Give me some trends that girls are into that dudes are like, no, we don't like that. The zipper dresses. What is it? They're dresses with like a noticeable zipper on the outside. I don't like those. You've seen it, Woods? Reminds me of maybe in denim. Are they in denim? Oh, that's hideous. Are they denim? No.

2:05:12They can be. I have one. I wore one one time. I mean, we went to dinner or something, and it's like flowers, and it zips up the front. Oh, God. Visible zipper. And you see the zipper. I've seen that trend. I don't like it. It's a new thing. Sometimes they make flowers out of just the zipper material. You even made a comment, because I wore a zipper dress one time, and you were like, oh, I bet Todd loves that, because it just zips right up the front. Easy access. Is that what it's supposed to? It's supposed to be sexy? It's supposed to make you think, I just want to unzip you, baby. I don't know if that's it. I mean, they're not scandalous. It's supposed to put something in the guy's head. It doesn't, though. What this whole thing is, is stuff that girls think is real cool, but guys are like, we don't like that. The terry cloth little outfits. Really? I love those. Not velour, but terry cloth. Even like dresses that are terry cloth. It's like a towel. It's like a towel. You guys don't like those? You know what it looks like to me? It looks sweaty. Yeah, it does look sweaty. Every time a girl wears it, it makes me go, oh, that stinks. Like a dirty towel? Like a dirty towel. Like a gym towel? I bet you smell like sweat. You're walking around with it. Let me see it. Noted.

2:06:24Right there. Oh, yeah. Awful. Sweaty. Anything military-inspired? Like, so the camo outfits on girls. Do you guys not like camo pants? No, it reminds me of a dude. Yeah. Makes me think of a guy. If I wanted to slay a dude, I'd slay a dude. What about camo and pink together? No. Pink camo. But like a little mini skirt that's camo. Yeah, it's cute. Yeah, cute like a marine. I think it's more of an old style that's gone now. What about Daisy Dukes that are camo? Listen, marines don't want to think of other marines, okay? Yes, they do. No, they want to think of... There's women that are marines that are hot. They're hot. But the camouflage? Camouflage is supposed to hide you in the jungle in the sand. Like little tiny candy shorts. Not at PD. Yeah. Okay, now this one I have to describe. It's the plunging neckline. So say there's a girl in a top or a dress, and it's like a low, low V-neck that goes lower than beneath her boobs. So it would be like my shirt without this thing underneath.

2:07:29No, I'm in. Maybe you show us. A thousand percent. Yeah. You guys don't. You can't wear a bra for sure. Yeah. Isn't that. Listen. And now I know you're going to answer immediately. I want you to think about it. You don't. Really? Yeah. That's cute. That dress. It's not bad. It's that. So you see the side boob. I love the side boob. And you see like it goes a little lower than the bottom of the boob. Yeah. So you can't wear a bra. I could never wear something like that. Granny. Sure, you could. Granny? What granny shows side boobs? Hey, in that pattern, yes. Let me see the pattern. What did I just say? I'm picturing that black, and I'm still going. No, black with the boob hanging out. It's this, Mike. It would be this. But I think maybe guys don't like it because maybe the boobs don't look good because there's no bra. Because there's no bra. There is. There is. I couldn't wear that. She just called it. Sienna just called it. That's why. I need a little support. Jennifer Lopez wore one, and she had taped. It was at one of the award shows, and it was fantastic. Fantastic. You know why? Because Jennifer Lopez was wearing it. Yeah. You know, come on. Come on. Okay, when I show you guys this picture. What if Rosie O'Donnell walked out in the same dress? Would you be like, oh, my goodness. I think, yeah. Gorgeous dress. If she wore anything, you wouldn't be in on it. That's not true. If she were wearing a bag, I'd be all in.

2:08:48If she could be wearing Portia de Rossi, I'd be out on her. This one is very descriptive. I've only seen it a few times, so it's not as common. But I'm going to go with a whole angle that they're trying to say here is the gladiator sandals, which are the sandals that are really strappy and they go around the ankle. We talked about that once before. They're usually gold. Yeah, awful. You're like, hey, you're going to Caesar's Palace? What time's the match today? What time are you fighting the lions? The example they have here is... An open-toed sandal boot. No. Oh, I almost got a pair of those. Oh, my gosh. Yep, I almost got those. No, you didn't. Yeah, I'm not stylish enough. I saw some girl wearing them while I was looking at them, and I was like, she looks cool. She's not stylish enough. She doesn't look cool. It's basically, it's a sandal, but around the calf, it's a boot. I would laugh my ass off. Okay, the ones that I was trying on didn't go all the way up. But the thing is, I have a stupid... I have this tattoo that I'm trying to cover. Oh, fair enough. I hate this tattoo. Get your tattoo removed. How? It's expensive. You have to go a lot. I'll remove it for you. I want my tattoo removed. She owns a pair. Maybe we'll get you an endorsement for a tattoo removal service. That would be awesome. I hate this thing. Okay. You don't like that big giant rooster on your... If this is true, I'm going to be really surprised.

2:10:12Tube tops. Yeah, disgusting. Guys don't like tube tops? No. I don't like tube tops. Hey, you know why? What? Because I don't want your breasts to look like a Jimmy Dean pork sausage container. I don't want to see your gut either. Thanks very much. Wait, that doesn't have to do the tube tops. No, it could be like a dress that's just strapless. A dress? Are we not know what tube tops are? That's a tube top. It's strapless. No, you know why I don't like it? What? Because it makes your body, it doesn't matter who the girl is, it makes her body look like she's got a package of Jimmy Dean pork sausage. Or a uni-boob, because it pushes things. Yes. So it's just like a straight across, it's like a sports bra. You know what, sometimes you can't help that look, okay? Yes, you can. No, you can't. Well... The ladies get smushed. Maybe wear a tweed jacket over it. Okay, but for the flat-chested girl in your group. Nope. Doesn't work for her either. Don't work for her either. It pushes things down, so it's just like a uniboob, and it's, I don't like it. One big boob. I hate. I think they look really cute with girls with little boobs. I don't. They're the cutest. Even you pull them up all day, and it sucks. Let me see. They have a picture, right?

2:11:18No, that is not. No, no, no. Those are not good. You like those woods? You think those are hot on a girl? Doesn't matter what. I mean, beyond Megan Fox. Easy. She's a married woman. It's true. Yeah, she is. You don't forget it. That's right. Brian Austin Green. Yeah, what's up? Okay. Now, you guys are going to say what, but every girl is going to know what I'm talking about when I say rompers. The guys don't like the rompers? They're so cute. What the hell is that? It's this. Like you can't see a... Great picture, but they're the shorts and a tank top combined. It's like a one-piece. You guys don't like those? It's like a one-piece shorts. Are you kidding me? It's like a dress, but that's shorts. I have one. They're cute. I love it. They're cute. You could pull it off. It makes it really hard to go to the bathroom because you could undo the whole thing every time you go. I didn't think about that. Those are awful. L-O-B. They're cute. Okay, because obviously girls think that they're cute. Yeah. Do you think, and just answer honestly, do you think that...

2:12:17If you would have guessed before hearing this, the guys would see it and go, ah, that's sexy. Well, I had a guy tell me, not so much. Yeah. You had a guy say he didn't like it like that. Yeah, he said it looked like mom butt. Yeah, it doesn't give you mom butt. Yeah, it looks like mom shorts. Yep. He said I had mom butt. Oh, I would be like, get out of me face. Get out of me face. Get out of me face. That's what I would tell him. Get out of me face. Well, no, but I asked for an honest opinion, and I appreciated it, and I was like, well, maybe that's just one opinion. I haven't worn it since, but I think you would look cute in it. They're saying. Well, if it wasn't 10 degrees in here, maybe I'd wear it. Be like mom jeans. It's not like that. I'll wear it. It's an attached little tank top with shorts. I'll wear it. I'll wear it tonight. That's adorable. It's like a diaper. It's like a diaper. No, you got to see it on. A big adult diaper. You guys will tell me the truth if I wear it. A hundred. You have to be like really skinny. I'll wear it and I'll bring a trench coat. Oh, wow. I'll bring a trench coat. What's the matter with you? I'm shaking. How come? I don't know. Too much coffee? No.

2:13:24Do you get hyped up on sugar or something? No. Nervous? Meth, probably. What's the matter? Lately, you've been sick. I think you're pregnant, dude. I think I am. I think you might be pregnant. He's been real bitchy, too. What's up with Woodsy? Pregnancy, maybe? I saw him during this bit. I looked over at him, and it was either that he was bored with it or that he was not feeling well. I don't feel good. What's the matter, little guy? I don't know. I need to go to the doctor. Do you have cramps? You got any other? Weird symptoms going along with your shaking hands? No, not crying along. Have you been sleeping okay? He's not that shaky. I was. All right. What else? They're calling this the maxi dress. Sold. All it is, it was maxi, and every guy's like, I'm out. Yeah, we call it the tampon. Ew, I think I know what it is, and I hate it. No. What is it? Built-in maxi pad. No. It's a dress that is basically just long and flowing to the ground. I like those. They're okay. Let me see. Like the ones that me and Sienna wore to the first meet and greet. Yes, I like those. Jamie wears those. I like those. They're like, what are you trying to hide a peg leg under there? That's what they're saying. I just did that because I wanted to join the crowd. I don't like them. It's summertime and you guys want to see a little leg, right? You like the fun dresses? I just tried to be a part of the crowd. I live in these dresses. I love them. I like them too. I don't know if they're kind of clingy yet. I like them. I don't like them.

2:14:48You can hide under there. Like, what's your look for your wife? What's it? Number one. Oh, what do I think is a great look? Yep. Oh, easy. And people will think, Mike, that's your trashy that you like that. What? That proves that you have no class, Mike. Here's what I think is hot. Jeans with a tank top, and you can see a little of the bra underneath the tank top. You know mine? I knew you were going to say that. I thought you were going to say it. I knew it. The layered tank top. I think it is the sexiest thing. And if the tank top, you can see every once in a while the tank top rides up a little bit. And I can see my wife's back or something. Or I can see her side. Sexiest thing in the world. Mine is Jamie in some DJs, some designer jeans, and a concert tee. Not like an over-the-top one, but like a cool t-shirt. Short. you know, short sleeves. Like a girl t-shirt? Yeah, like a girl t-shirt. She has this Chris Cornell shirt that's gray and it's got this black star and it's like his silhouette. Yeah. And she wears it and looks so hot. Every time she wears it, I'm like, God! I'm out! Todd would be a t-shirt, something like that. If my wife wears a tank top and I can see the bra strap underneath it, and I know that a hundred, there's so many people that are... Okay, fine. I know, I wore...

2:16:09I wore that to the belly app the other night and I got hot because I had a cardigan on. I'll say. I got hot and I took it off and I was like, great, now you can see my bra. And I felt like people were like, well, can't you wear the strapless bra? Isn't that just as cute? I don't want that. I don't like the strapless bra. No, the guys like, especially if, and this is even trashier, especially if the bra is a different color than the tank top. That's better. No. I'm just being honest with you. I'd like to know if you're the only one that thinks that. No, I like it. You like that? I like it. I felt very trashy. I always, I hate when my bra strap shows. No, guys, I think, they think it's kind of neat. What? But see, what if, yeah, but we don't like to see the other. We don't like to see the panties right up. I don't like to see that. Mikey. Mikey. There was a time where that was like. Cool. I think girls like dinner on purpose. With the thong strap coming out of the side. Out of the back, yeah. Oh, the whale tail? The whale tail? The girl's gone wild. I've never heard that. Whale tail. It's like starting a chainsaw. They got the handle right there. What about the girl's gone mild look, which is? Turtleneck. Yeah, turtleneck with a really heavy jacket over it. And a long skirt. Long skirt. Long skirt. Tall brown boots. And leggings underneath the skirt. And tall brown boots. And tall brown boots. This girl's gone mild. And a chastity belt. Patches on your jacket. That's right.

2:17:31Is that it? Yeah, they have two more, but I don't... Because I want to play this game. We've got a game I want to play. Okay, let's do the game. Let's do the game. What do we got to give away? Let me guess. We got the Silver Sun pickup. Yeah. And... Angel and Anarchy. Angel and Anarchy sunglasses. There we go. 570-1949. And this amounts of sunglasses. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a new game, and it is... Tom Tom tunes. It's huge. Tom Tom girl is going to read lyrics from a song. Nice. And you have to identify what the song is. You know why it's not that easy? She doesn't really put the emphasis on the words. There's not a lot of inflection. She has no inflection. No inflection. So you have to tell us what it is just based on the lyrics, which is not always easy. Tom Tom girl, how have you been lately? I've been satisfactory, Mikey. Uh-oh. How have you been feeling these days? I've been feeling good. Have you been kind of down because of the weather? The weather's been gloomy. I've been kind of down because Woods doesn't need me anymore in his car. Yeah, Woods is who introduced us to TomTomGirl. It's his TomTom. Yep. Woods doesn't do what? He's been turning me off because kid knows his way around San Diego.

2:18:55Is that the deal, Woods? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I go three places. I go to work, I go to the store to get snuff, and I go to my baseball field. You need Tom-Tom as much as you still. And I know where they all are, and the beach. That's right. Let's see. M1 Frank from PB. You there, Frank? What's up? How you doing? All right, bro. She's going to give you the lyrics, and you're actually going to be playing against somebody. You're going to be playing against M1 Shelly from San Diego. Shelly, you there? Yes, I am. All right, here's how it works, guys. She's going to give you the lyrics to this song. And as soon as you recognize those lyrics, you may buzz in using your name. But if you get it wrong, your opponent becomes the winner. Are you ready? Ready. Here we go. I do not mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved. She will be loved.

2:19:56Got no clue. Frank? Nothing. That was Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved. I am instantly in love with this game. I'm not kidding. I love this. I thought you were going to freak out. Oh, no, I love it. I love it. There you go. M1 Adam, are you there? Not too much. Adam. You're going to be playing M1 James from Coronado. James, are you there too? I'm right here. All right, cool. Yeah. So, again. All I need is title or artist, okay? They're going to have a tough time. All I need is title or artist. This is a, I'll give you a hint, it's a pop song. It's title or artist will win for you, okay? Cool. You use your name as a buzzer. Tom Tom Girl, go ahead. And you overthink, always speak cryptically. I should know that you are no good for me. Because you are hot, then you are cold.

2:21:09You're yes, then you are no. You are in, then you are out. You are up, then you are down. James. Katy Perry. Yeah, boy! You got it, dude. That was, in fact, Katy Perry hot and cold. I like how she says, you are instead of you're. Can I hear those lyrics again, please? And you overthink, always speak cryptically. Of course. I should know that you are no good for me. Because you are hot, then you are cold. You are yes, then you are no. You are in, then you... Thank you. Thank you, TomTom girl. It's fantastic. M1 Dockside from San Diego. Dockside. Or is this Dockside? I can't tell. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. Is this Dockside? Yes, it is. It is.

2:22:10All right, Dockside. Your opponent, M1 Colin from Carlsbad. Colin, you there? Yeah, Mike. Okay, you guys heard how to play, right? Yep. Title or artist will win. Use your name as a buzzer. Go ahead, TomTom girl. Recalculating lyrics. I need no permission. Did I mention? Do not pay him any attention. Because you had your turn, and now you are going to learn what it really feels like to miss me. Because if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it. Dockside. Dockside, go ahead. That is correct. Yes, you better put a ring on it. Yes, you better. Hang on, Dockside. You are a winner. I have to do one more. 100%. M1, I do. M1 Honey Girl, you are going to be playing M1 Brittany from Lemon Grove. Are you there, Brittany? Yep.

2:23:31Use your name as a buzzer. And all you need is title or artist. Go ahead, TomTom Girl. I am telling you, just watch your mouth. I know your game, what you are about. Well, they say the sky's the limit. And to me, that is really true. But my friend, you have seen nothing. Just wait until I get through because I'm bad. I'm bad. Come on. You know I am bad. I am bad. I am one Honey Girl. Honey Girl? Is that Michael Jackson? That is correct. It is Michael Jackson. Good work. That is our first ever Tom Tom Tunes. This is some friends of mine in a band called Systematic. That is mean. Oh, yeah. That is mean. When we return, I will explain. I will explain. I will explain.

2:25:09I forgot, you guys. I got the Vuvuzella. Wow, that's a real Vuvuzella? That's a real Vuvuzella. And if Woods hadn't just found it, I would have forgot. Woods goes, Mikey, what is this? And I'm like, holy cow, it's a Vuvuzella. I forgot. What's your bid, dude? Let's hear it. All right. I wanted to get one so we could do it on the air. In fact, yesterday, my wife goes, why did you get that? And I go, really? You're married to a professor? I work at Harvard. I'm a banker. You know? Why did I get that? Yeah, why wouldn't I? Recola. Why are you... That's annoying. Do you blow in it? You know when you laugh and you go... Yeah. You do that? So you have to... That's how you play a didgeridoo. I want to go... Recola. Recola. You guys want to play it? Yeah, I do. Jake loved it.

2:26:23Don't get too crazy because you'll blow your voice box out. His tongue was just on the end of it. What's that? His tongue was just on the end of it. Woods is going to pass out. Yeah, he's trying too hard. He's going to hurt himself. Wow. You try it, Ella B. I don't want to share it. What about? Oh, my gosh. You guys just spit all over it. Yeah, but. Really, cooties? Yeah, I'm not going near that thing. But. But what? Nothing. So wait a second. We're married. All of us are married. We make out with each other every day, but we can't blow the same Vuvuzela. I've never drank from the same thing that one of you guys has. Jay broke it. Did Jay just break the Vuvuzela? Oh, my gosh. Which just put its face on the end of it. Let me try it. I tried to get the funniest color, too. Green? For whatever reason, green seemed funny. I'm going to do this and put my hand around the neck. Really? You're making a hand condom for the Vuvuzela?

2:27:25Yeah, it won't work, Sienna. Won't work. Put your mouth right at the top. He tried to set himself up for that. Of course. Oh, wow. Sienna, when you do it, it sounds different. All right, now I have to try. She has some lungs. Yeah, that's how it shit sounds. John Coltrane over here Wow you got it you got after it

2:28:21You know, my wife had an interesting point. She goes, how come that doesn't sound anything like buzzing bees like it does in the games? No, I mean, I guess it's because you don't have 50,000 of them going off at once. Why is mine so high-pitched? Mine's so high-pitched. I think it's because you have little lips. Really? I have to concentrate. Sienna would be good at the didgeridoo. Todd told me she's really good at the ditchery, dude. Oh, my God. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. Here's your disgusting vuvuzela. I know. Ew. We just made it so... Oh, it's a worm. Ew. Ew. I'm never touching that again.

2:29:18Why was mine so low? Notice how I say that with my voice high. Why is mine so low? Sienna, do you have Sienna voice on the phone? Do you have phone voice, Sienna? Oh, I'm sure, yeah. Every girl does. Love to hear it. I love phone voice. I think Sienna has a good diaphragm. She's got a lot of, she can push the air up. She's got pregnant, so obviously not. Phone voice is every girl. All of our girlfriends are our wives. When they get on the phone. They instantly change their voice. Hello. Hi, this is Jamie. Hi. Oh, my gosh, how are you? Hi, this is Jamie. Hi, this is Lauren. Hi, this is Lauren. Hi, this is Lauren. Oh, yeah, no, it's no problem. Oh, my gosh. Why? That's what I would do. I sound the exact same. You guys lower your voice. No. Hey, this is Steve. Hey, it's Woods. What's up, Mike? What's up, Steve? Hi, this is Mike. Hello. 570. Steve. 5701-949-M1. Maiden fan who is a fan of the World Cup. Go ahead, Maiden fan. Good morning. I'd love to see a million Americans buy those and take them to their football stadiums. And when the opposing team's quarterback tries to call plays, just start blowing them. It's kind of a cool idea. Yeah, take it to a real football stadium. Kind of a cool idea. Well, we have those things that you, like when they're doing the field goal, smack them together. I think it's cool. I was trying to get a little kudate. I know you were. You were trying to get under Maiden fan's skin.

2:30:42Yeah, real football. Thank you, Maiden fan. Okay, so Sienna's going to tell us why we have morning breath. I know why. Yeah. Why, Mike? Because bacteria collects in your mouth overnight. Yeah. Microscopic organisms, they don't make you sick, but they grow like weeds in every little structure of your mouth. So gross. On your tongue, your teeth, your gums, your cheeks, everywhere. And because when you're sleeping, you're not drinking water, eating food, the water and food helps wash it down. Right. that keeps producing in your mouth. Let's see what you guys would be willing to do. If there was a product that you had to drink a shot glass of and it tasted terrible, just absolutely disgusting, but when you woke up, you had the freshest breath. I would do it in a second. You would? I can do it. No way. Woods, no? I'm married. What do I care? Every morning I wake up. We do it at each other. I'm like, and she does it right back. I'm like, ah. I think if I can take a shot of Aristocrat, I can take a shot of whatever. What the hell is that? Aristocrat? The cheapest liquor you can find. Oh, really? Yeah. I just use Scope right before I go to bed. When I wake up, my mouth still tastes like Scope. Really? Mine does not. I do that, too. It does not. Mine does not. Imagine mine blasting cigs and dipping snuff. Oh, gross. I have a mouth guard, too, so it probably helps. You do? Yeah, I grime my teeth.

2:32:00You know what? My dentist is trying to talk me into that. It's the best thing ever. I'm not going to go to bed looking like a football player. Who cares? Do you grind your teeth so much that you get headaches? Oh, yeah, my jaw. I'd wake up and I'd be in full grind. TMJ. I'm supposed to, but I won't. It's fantastic. Mike, you should do it. A lot of people do. It will affect your day-to-day. Everybody's doing that. Your teeth can be ground down to nothing. I actually broke my teeth. Nubbins. You did? Yeah, that's why I've got, if you look in the back, I've got those, I've got gold teeth in the back. Oh, wow. I want to know where the gold's at. Now I know where the gold's at. You cracked the enamel. I want to know where the gold is. I'll show you. I want the gold. Look, I told you it's in the back of my mouth. Give me the gold. I want the gold. Okay. You can have it. Hey, don't forget, FM 94.9's Independence Jam Coastal Invasion 2010 is going to be happening. August 29th. It's a Sunday. And it's at Oceanside Pier Amphitheater. And Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros are going to be headlining. It's whistling that song. And it's $30, no additional fees, which is great. And it's actually a really, really, really good lineup. It's presented by Miller, Light, and Sion. Yeah, you've got Rogue Wave playing, too. The Wigs, Delta Spirit, Local Boys. It's going to be good.

2:33:21No Hasselhoff on that bill. Not this time. I'm going to talk to Gary about it. You are? No Scorpions, no Hasselhoff. Wolfgang, those are all German hits. No German band, no Falco, no Kraftwerk. Nope, there's not. Right. I don't think he's going to add them either, not just for you. He can't. I'm going to save my $30. You're going to go see The Vampires today? Of course. Eclipse came out last night. Edward is my favorite. Speaking of, last night, Wolfgang went and stood in line with all the people that were in line to see the new movie Eclipse. I sure did, Michael. That's right. Okay, great. So I'm standing here with two ladies. They're waiting in line for tickets for the new Twilight movie. What is it called? Eclipse. Eclipse. And what is your name? Lauren. Lauren, what is your name? Carol. Carol. So obviously the question that's on everybody's mind, Team Edward or Team Jacob? Jacob. He's sexy. Jacob. Both team Jacob. What is your favorite thing about vampires? Nothing. They're hard. They're hard. You like werewolves. I don't understand that. Correct. Okay, great. And what do you think of Kristen Stewart? Really? She's a how. Okay, great. That is all I need from you guys. Enjoy the movie tonight. You like that, huh? He's so giggly. He is. This is going to really...

2:34:47polarized some people. Yesterday, Jay said something to the effect of soulmates, to which I said it's a fake bit. And we started to get into it, and I go, wait, save it. Let's discuss it on the air. Now, I need people to try to take emotion out of this. I realize that's impossible to do. Everyone just deep breath. Everybody turn into a robot. Go ahead. I believe that soulmates is a very pretty, thing it's a very pretty word it's a very pretty thought it's a very notion very pretty notion it's a notion but here's what i think i think that if god forbid i were to pass away my wife would find another and i i hope she would i mean i would want her to be happy i would want my boys to be raised by a good man hopefully she would find a good man and i would want her to uh feel like that guy is just perfect for her i mean i'm not here anymore

2:35:53I wouldn't be here anymore. I would want that guy to be just perfect for her. It probably would happen, okay? Which would mean we have to define what soulmate means. The way that I understand soulmate is that there is one person who is perfect for you, and outside of that person, there is no other. Like the notebook. Yeah, destined. Destined to be together. Destined, and without that person, there would be no other. Now, again. If something were to happen to me, I believe that my wife would go on to find another. I do believe that we can find another if our significant is no longer with us. Now, this caused such controversy when it was brought up the other day. I thought that Woods and Jay and Sienna were going to leap over the table and chew my neck off like a vampire. No, I'm not really against you. You're not? No, I'm kind of in the middle. I'm if that's possible. You know, absolutely. You can find someone else. But I'm just sorry that you didn't find your soulmate because I've definitely found. I'm sorry. That is so beneath the belt. No, no, no. He's right. If my if my theory is correct, what I found is somebody who is absolutely perfect for me. That is correct. And I am absolutely perfect for her.

2:37:19We are perfect for each other. We are a wonderful couple. If I weren't here, I hope she would find a new wonderful person just for her. But it ain't Mike. But it's not you. And it ain't Woods. And it ain't Jay. And it ain't Lauren. And it ain't Sienna. You're absolutely right. In fact, all the women that came before Rebecca pale in comparison to Rebecca. Mine too. I mean, and I would never want anybody but my girl. I love her. She's so unique. Absolutely. There's no denying that. There's no other woman that you could be married to. No, you're absolutely right. But if my wife weren't here, hopefully I would meet someone again. You would like to think that there's someone else that could also be considered. There is somebody else that would put up with it. Absolutely. And that would do it. But it ain't going to be her, man. That's the best. Yeah, but then they'll be them. Yeah, and the bond that they have. But I just think with. So many people roaming this earth, it's so naive to think that there is only one person out there for you. There are people, and probably a select few, that are perfect for you. And when you come together, that is a perfect match, and you build a bond and everything, and nobody could ever penetrate that. Yeah, Lauren even said, she even went as far as to say during the conversation the other day, that's pretty rare. Bro, I am absolutely shocked that this is your take.

2:38:44Because of how serendipitous it was how you guys met. What? Bro, you typed a random girl's name into a computer. You picked out of thin air Rebecca. Dude, I'll take it a step further. And you married that woman. Let me take it a step further. I believe God had Rebecca in mind for me. Absolutely. I believe that. I believe in fate. I don't believe in soulmates. Okay, now, does that mean that if something happened to me, that Rebecca would not find another? Of course she would. I think that's childish. You know what she would find? She'd find plan B. You're plan A. That's your soulmate. That doesn't mean. Plan A is your soulmate. What about the people that get divorced? And, you know, obviously when they get married, the last thing they think is that they're going to get divorced. They think they found a soulmate. And then something happens, which is awful. And they separate. But then how many other times do those people find someone else who is just as equal, if not more, to be that person? I think a true soulmate. It can work through anything. Now, I have to clarify, I only believe that this occurs after death. No. That's my opinion. My opinion is that unless your wife or husband dies, you are not separated. You're one. Okay, but my belief is there are so many extenuating circumstances.

2:40:08That, okay, what if my soul, I mean, maybe this is the reason why I'm still single and I'm 29. What if my soulmate lives in, like, Alaska right now or any number of things? Like, I have to wait until, like, destiny brings us together in order for us. No way. There are so many, plenty of fish in the sea. Kim lived in Florida. I lived in Texas in a small town in Texas. She got on a plane because she got a job from answering a little tiny ad in the newspaper. She moved into my house the first day we met because the air conditioner broke at the place that the whole ski team stayed. Really? That's why she moved in? Trust me, it was months and months and months. Really? Let me ask you a question, Jay. You're saying that had that not happened, you'd still be single, you would have never gotten married. No, I'm not saying that. You'd be married but not to your soulmate? Who knows? If you've seen the Isbells together... That's his soulmate, and that's her soulmate. There's no question. It's his lobster. There's no question. What it is is two people that are absolutely perfect for each other. Right, soulmate. And there's no need to search for anybody else outside of that. Ever. But I believe there's a couple matchups. At least a couple matchups. I think there's probably a handful of perfect matches. There's a handful. Dude, I bet you, Mike, I bet you if Jamie was not here anymore, I don't know that I'd ever marry again.

2:41:33Ever. It's easy to say that now when she's here and you're in a happy marriage. I seriously don't think I would. Dude. May I have a very candid and just very... We're going to speak like adults. Bring the noise. With one another. Bring the noise. Kid gets on a little P90X, okay? And he's got his thing rolling, right? Mm-hmm. And... Did I say I'd never sleep with another girl again? I said I'd never marry another girl again. You guys don't tempt fate and say these... I know. I don't like tempting fate like this. But, dude, when you are married to Rebecca... I don't know. She's perfect for me. I know. It could be 10 years go by. I still wouldn't be over it. I disagree with the concept of there's only one person that can be made for you. Yeah, what if your soulmate dies before you ever meet? Does that mean I'm just going to spend the rest of my life without my soulmate? Yeah, and a lot of people maybe don't find a soulmate. So some people get soulmates and some people don't. That's real fair. Sienna, how many people did you say that the census said were in San Diego?

2:42:32A couple of million. Oh, yeah, millions. A couple of million people. In a city of a couple of million people, I would venture to guess that there may be 50 men that may be perfect for my wife. Really? But I'm married to her. Yeah. Okay, so she's married to me. And you've built something beyond just that compatibility. We are perfect for each other. We're together. Soulmates. Yeah. But Mike is saying that there are others that... If Mike was not around, she would have met and would have been a good match with. And it just has to do with circumstances and serendipity. Yeah, good luck finding her. Well, when you're talking about me, you're absolutely right. Good luck finding her. You know what I mean? Oops. I'm going to change my song. I'm going to change my song. People are blowing up the phones. I know. It's a serious thing. They want to talk about this. 570-1949. Again with the vertical horizon. It's hard to come up with music every week. I love Vertical Horizon. You do. This song makes me think about how much my wife is perfect for me. Your soulmate? Yes, they are soulmates, but there can be more than one, I think. Okay, if we're saying that, that you can have many soulmates, but you're with the person that's perfect for you. Yeah, okay. I'll agree to that concession. Why is Google struggling to give away $10 million?

2:44:07Give it to me. I'll take it. Wait till I tell you about it. This may surprise you. I know this song. You do? I remember it when I was a kid. Back of that station wagon with a wood paneling on the side of it. Just wanting Chrissy McNichol real good. Here's the hook. 70s, man. Didn't the 70s have great music? Yep. If I lived in the 70s, I would have hated this. Oh, absolutely. You'd be like, let's put on some deep purple. Where's Kiss? Destroy him. Where is the Banana Cream Project? Really? My sister's had all that. Oh, yeah. That was good stuff, man. I love AM Gold, man. I do too. Road trips, it's the best. Yep.

2:45:38Let's see. If you have not checked out createyourdesignonline.com, I want to know you. It is such an incredible, incredible business. Our friend Jared is the owner of createyourdesignonline.com. Dude has been a blessing in my life. That billboard that you see everywhere in San Diego on the sides of buses. sides of buildings, the Mikey show billboard. That's all Jared. He designed every bit of it. Guy was going to do movie posters in Hollywood. Turn the job down. It bored him. It was literally, it was too boring to him. The first thing that they had him do was he went into a room and they wanted him to airbrush. This is a true story. They wanted him to airbrush a movie poster with Lindsay Lohan's face and it was going to take two weeks. And he said, It's the same little job. Yeah. Somebody's face for two weeks. I can't. No. So he didn't do it. See, that should tell guys how long it takes to make these celebrities look good. Doesn't matter. Yeah. You know that they do, a friend of mine does like that kind of stuff on video. Like he spent like weeks on Madonna's arm to trim it off in her video. Really? Yeah. Imagine what they could do to my chins. Yeah, they could. More chins than Chinese phone book, pal.

2:47:09Wow. Oh, Woods, I love it. 570-1949 is our number. It's a good one. That's one of my favorites. I did not know where you were going with it. That's one of my favorites of all time. I love Woodsy's, like, little sayings. Oh, yeah. You're busier than a stump full of ants. That's pretty good. Sweating in the sun like a Tijuana whore. You don't like that one? You got to go to the dirty ones. Of course. You got a million that are just funny. We should move on. Oh, boy. You're going to go there, Mike. And one Rick from Camp Pendleton. Hi, Rick. Good. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. like me, that much, so we didn't go. But last time I put her an ad in, single-white email, she left a message to when you leave the message. She left the message at 1.30 in the morning, and I checked it, honestly enough, about 1.35. I thought that was a little chismet-y, you know, I was like, wow, she's up at 1.30, I know it's a Saturday, but even so. And we called up, and we talked for probably four hours on the phone, and it was like we knew each other.

2:49:06She is from San Francisco originally. She came down from San Francisco to go to school. She went to school at State and at UCSD. I honestly believe if I had not met her, I would still be single when I'm 48. Soulmate. Perfect match. Yeah, it sounds like you guys are a perfect match. Or soulmate. My friends are getting married in August. She put out an ad for a female roommate. She owned a condo. She said females only. My friend, Anthony, replied anyway, even though he was a guy. Moved in. They're getting married. Oh, wow. Soulmate. No, not soulmate. Good match. Perfect match. Great match. Incredible match. Perfect match. My wife just sent me a text and said, you are my soulmate, dear. Aren't you guys just poyfect? I'll see you later, soulmate. I love you. You're the only one for me. Listen. Forever and ever. Jamie is...

2:50:08Perfect for you. Rebecca is perfect for me. My soulmate. I could do this all day. Yeah, but you just even agreed a little bit ago that maybe there's four or five soulmates for each person. That's not a soulmate. That doesn't mean that it's not a soulmate. She's my soulmate. But you may have four or five. That means that if something, God forbid, happened to you, she would never meet anybody else ever again and never marry. Never. I would haunt her. You would haunt her. She said that to you, too. She said that to me, too. But don't you want to give any credit to yourself and the work that you guys have put in the relationship? If it's just soulmate, then that means like, oh, well, we didn't have to do anything to make this work. We were just meant to be. You're talking to TV who have worked their ass off to make it work. Yeah, so don't you want to give a little credit to you? Every couple has to, man. Every couple has to work on it. You know what I mean? We all got to work on it. We can't be away from each other. Yeah, but you got to give some credit to yourself. That's because you're perfect for each other. Or because we're soulmates. Yeah. Oh, man. Just because you're saying you're soulmate doesn't mean you're not going to put any work into it. But if you're destined to be together, then no matter what you do, you guys are just going to be together. Both Woods and Jay said off the air that if anything ever happened to their significant other, they would never marry again.

2:51:18Just slay all the time. I believe that I'm absolutely married to my soulmate, too. But I would like to think that he and I, if anything happened, would be able to find someone else. And I think that that's very possible. Good. Plan B. And I don't think that that's... B team. Plan B, yeah. B team. JV, junior varsity. Kids on varsity right now. Real good. I will say both of my grandparents, unfortunately, lost their spouses. And they both believed that that was their soulmate. That person is gone or whatever. But I don't think either one of them ever discounted any sort of companionship or anything. You know what happens? Start playing bridge. You know what would happen? I'd be hanging out at Mikey's all the time. If we both lost our wives, we'd just be hanging out. They start playing bridge, and they meet somebody that plays Pinochle. Little angel at the bingo parlor? Yeah, at the bingo parlor. I don't think that either one of them, maybe that's more of an old school mentality, I don't think either one of them would say, I found... This is my real soulmate. I would say my soulmate. I don't think you do. Soulmate's the person you've been married to for 40 years, 50 years. You know, I don't think you do. I don't think that you meet somebody else and you go, I don't think that Rebecca would ever go, this is my real soulmate. But some people do that. Maybe they do. You know, I think that would be weird. This is my hookup. This is my flavor of the week. Hold on. Yeah, when you get older, when you're, you know, an older person, a senior, you know. Yep.

2:52:43You don't overhear me. Daddy happy. I just threw up in my mouth. You have to say the one word that grosses us. Daddy. That was gross. Who's the real creeper on the show? You. Jay and I should have a creep off. You guys should. Creep Olympics. You win. Show us the little ink blots. I'll tell you why I give Jay the edge. No way. I kind of have to give him a little bit of an edge, and the reason that I do is because he talks real quiet on that microphone. Yeah. This microphone is like, you know, and he talks real close to it, and he's got that slight southern accent sometimes, and so he talks low like this sometimes. And he turns his back to us when he says it, and then after he says something creepy, turns around and looks at us all proud. He's like, how was that, guys? I said it. Oh, my. I'll own that. 5-7-0. 1-94-9. M1, Zach from Oceanside. Hey. What's that? There are no soulmates. Yeah! Zach, Lauren. I got real excited. Zach. Basically, basically, my parents were together for 17 years or whatever, and then they just split up, like, just now. Guess who my dad went back to? His high school girlfriend. That happens a lot. I don't know, but there are no soulmates. You just end up settling. You get a kid.

2:54:09You just, like, I don't know. You kind of date through life. You upgrade. Then you get a kid, and then you settle. It's like a mutual agreement. Zach. I disagree with that. Zach, what do you think of your dad's high school girlfriend? Oh, I've never met her. I haven't talked to my dad in a couple months. But, I don't know. It's just, like, how can there actually be soulmates? Yeah. See, I don't believe in it unless I don't believe you find somebody else. Me, it's only, the only thing that was death do you part. Yeah. It's my take. But you don't believe in soulmates, period. I believe in finding someone else if death do your part. It's nice to think that there's only one person for you, but it's also nice to think that there's more than one person for you in case something does happen. You guys are all married. It's really nice for you guys to think that. I'm single. What does that mean for me? It means he's out there. He's out there somewhere, and I've got an exhausting task ahead of me to try to find him. All you've got to find is the perfect guy. I'm going to find him. I don't go out Monday through Friday.

2:55:12Six foot four, ebony skin. Yeah. Go on. You never know. You don't need to go out. You just bump into them. It'll happen. I'm screwed. I met Todd through work, through friends of friends. I met Jamie through friends of friends. Yeah. I met Rebecca on the internet. The first person to ever meet anybody on the internet, Mikey and Rebecca. No, Al Gore was the first one. He invented it. He found Tipper. That's where he found his mistress. And look what happened to them, not soulmates. Wow, Woods, you really put a negative spin on that one, didn't you? Did I? I mean, it's so sad. Mistress. That's where he found his mistress when he invented the internet. You mean the crazy masseuse lady? Yes. I don't know if I'd call that a mistress. I think she was the masseuse that showed up. I told him he was a crazed sex poodle. Poodle. Poodle. I forgot about that. The oil cleanup is being slowed. Weird. By Hurricane Alex. Oh, no. Alex.

2:56:12Hurricane Alex has been near the Gulf. The hurricane hasn't gone near. where the spill is, where all the cleanup is, but there's been enough damage to where it affected it. They had to move some of the booms. They had to remove barges that have been blocking oil from reaching the wetlands. You know, there's been an effect which has slowed it down. However, the storm hasn't affected the vessels capturing oil. And real quick, why is Google having a hard time giving away $10 million? This is the weirdest thing in the world. Now, did you guys hear? Apparently on the 10th anniversary in 2008, Google promised $10 million to the best... Five ideas for using technology to improve the world. Wow. And they got 16 finalists chosen from this. Like I said, 2008. They chose those people in October of 2009. Now, since then, how many months is that since October 2009? Eight? Nine or so. About eight? Yes. They have yet to. We're really good at math.

2:57:12They have yet to announce this winner, and people are emailing, people are trying to find out. There's some email address that was built for this project. It's called Project 10 to the 100th, and it's shut down. No one can find out, okay, who's the winner? Who's the winner? Who's getting the money? Google better start talking. 2008 is when they announced it. Oh, my gosh. Hey, Fred, you're still there, right? Yes. I need you to hang on, okay? Okay. Okay, because Fred is calling because he needs girl advice. He wants to know if it's cheating and what he's doing, and we'll tell you what he's doing. You dirty rat. Hang on. They already think you're cheating. These two girls are already cheating. If you have to ask, then you probably are. We'll tell you in a minute what he's doing. Hang on, Fred. We'll do it next. Woods calls my day Wednesday. That doesn't sound like Mikey music. When did you start liking dudes? Really? That's what I want to know. Okay? Tomorrow the kid's picking the music. It's going to be all Kings of Leon. It's going to be all like... It'll be all stuff that he tries to pick to impress you. It's all Kings tomorrow. He took my pen. Look at his face! That's my pen. Look at his face. It's all Kings tomorrow.

2:59:18Look at him. He's powering down. Do you know why? Can I tell you why? Can I tell you why? Because it's Leon's birthday. Because I'm going to the show. Can I tell you why? Because you're going to the show. Next week, and I don't get to pick music next week. Unless LLB wants to switch with me. I already gave you a couple days. Will you switch? You take Thursdays from now and I take Fridays? No way. Why? Because that's my day. Don't mess up. Let's switch. I bring us into the weekend better than Peter, Paul, and Mary or whatever you're playing. No, you play sad songs. No, I don't. Whiskey Town. No, I don't. Yes. Those are good songs. We're still sad. Whiskey Town cover Fleetwood Mac for the 45th time. How's that sad? It's sad and it's slow. I played it one time. Children, let's fight off the air. Sorry, it's not Kevin Federline. Popo's out. I hope everyone enjoyed Wednesday's music today. Oh, stop. Are you Wednesday's child? Mikey, don't take that. Wednesday's trial? Get him back. He should owe some sort of dollar or something. Zero percent. For this behavior. I'm going to get him back right now. All kings tomorrow. It's going to be great. It's going to be real fun. Yeah, it's going to be. We're going to get our privileges revoked. I wonder what station is going to play that. What? All kings. Kings of Leon? Or Leon. Kings of Leon. You know Mikey's got his finger on the button. Great. That sounded like what? Sounds like LLB. It does sound like what?

3:00:42Sounds like Beavis. Happy Wednesday, everybody. Stop it. Mikey, you have lovely music. Oh, yeah, it's great. Not only does he think he has the best music, now he's trying to take people's days. I'll give you 50 bucks. No. 50 bucks. I want to bring us into the weekend. Woods is like the president of Perfectville. Yeah. He does. He thinks he has perfect music. Yes. People don't want to cry going into the weekend. They don't want to listen to Peter, Paul, and Mary either. What if I ever put Peter, Paul, and Mary? All right, Woodstock, Swiss Miss, 50 bucks. Are you going to let this aggression stand? No, you can do it. Yes. No! No, let him do it. Mike! Let him get it out of his system. No! It doesn't happen that often. It doesn't. He does it. Why do you have a problem with me playing All Kings? No. Taking my day. No. Why? No. That's the day. Absolutely not. 50 bucks. It's on the table a little bit. Now, if you up that ante a little bit, she might consider it. It's a principle. $200. You can give me $5,000. $200.

3:01:53Wait a minute. If you give me $200 to get on Monday. Could he really give you five grand? You wouldn't do it. No. You're a clown. Because I would be letting a little baby that throws a fit have his way. I'm not throwing a fit. I just buy my way into stuff. But what if? What if he came in here? $5,000, yeah. $5,000. What about $200? No. You're lying. I want to know the amount. I want to know the amount. Because there's an amount. $500. It's $500, she'd take it. She'd take $500. No, I wouldn't. Then you're crazy. He's counting out fresh, crisp 20s to $200? No? It's worth the lesson that he would learn that you can't just buy your way. What about $1,000? $1,000, I'd consider it. Yes, she would take it. No, I wouldn't necessarily take it. $5,000, I would definitely take it. She's out of her mind. She'd do $1,000. I'd consider it. Man, Woods. I come much cheaper than that. You just wait the next time she needs a favor from the kid. What's it a favor? You bullying me out of my music? Just wait. What if you guys just switched one day? I already gave him my Friday when I was out of town. Oh, you wanted to give it to him. 570. I would have too. Our number is 570-1949. We're going to find out if Fred is cheating. Yep. Probably. Fred's been on hold. Fred, are you there? Yeah, I'm here right now. You want to know if you're cheating? Yes. What are you doing? Three weeks ago.

3:03:10I met me and Brenda on the same day. I thought, I think both girls are amazing. At the time, Brenda had a boyfriend, so I've been talking to Amy, like, much day and night for the past. We've been on one date. It was amazing. I'm going to see her again really soon. And I look forward to having a million more dates with Amy. So Brenda calls me up and says, hey, I dumped that, you know, a couple hours at night, you know. Popo's out. You closed the deal. Closed the deal. What a kid. Which one do you like better? Amy. Oh. You're not cheating. Peace out, Brenda. Well, he hooked up with Brenda. Okay, but he's not cheating. They're not together. They've been on one date. Has Amy referred to you as her boyfriend? Or have you referred to her as... Are Amy and Brenda friends? No, they include it. Oh, then you're fine. Yeah, if you guys aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, then there's no cheating. You're dating. Yeah, you're dating. You're testing out the waters. This could be something good because now you know you like Amy more. Yeah, exactly. Test them out real good, pal. Yeah, but if things are on the up and up, you can tell anything.

3:04:17They're not on the up and up. They don't have to. They don't have to share that. He was just tasting things. Trying out flavors. Is that on the up and up? Yeah, it's on the up and up. He's not a committed. You can try on different jackets and see which one keeps you the warmest. Yeah, black, white, whatever. But does that mean that if a guy was trying you on and trying another girl on at the same time that you'd be okay with it? If we were just dating, like in the dating stage, yes. Yeah, you can. If I was under the impression that we were exclusive and he wasn't exclusive, that'd be a... Different story. And he doesn't have to tell either one of those girls anything. No, he doesn't. As long as he's not having unprotected relations with either or both of them. Oh, wow, he stayed very quiet during that. I didn't hear that. No, he didn't hear it. I said as long as you're not having unprotected relations with either or both of them. Both are very protected. There you go. No problems. Okay, super. Yeah, you're good to go. You're good. Have a ball. Thank you, bro. Don't have sex till marriage. Team Amy. Team Amy. I know, I'm totally on team Amy too. Amy seems so much better. I got confused. Brenda came over and slayed him the first night. Brenda's just like, oh, I'm done with my boyfriend, let's slay. And he likes Brenda? No, he likes Amy. He'll end up with Amy, but he slayed Brenda, so that's what he's worried about. But Brenda just wanted him as a rebound slay. Yeah, she did.

3:05:39She's like, whose number do I have saved? Come on, Brenda. What's up with that? What was she doing giving her number away anyway if she was in a relationship? What percentage of chance that Brenda's phone call sounded like this? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm single now. Percentage of chance that in the background it was Brenda. That was a made-up name. I hope it was. Hi, Mikey. This is Dylan. I met two girls, Brenda and Kelly. And Kelly, yeah. And don't know what to do. Hillary is in the studio. Hi, Hill. Hi, guys. Hello. How's it going? It's great. Great. Let's see. Hillary, what do you have coming up? I'm going to start with a Rolling Stone song I have never played on the radio before. I saw the Some Girls record. I grabbed it. And I'm going to do it. Are you playing any Kevin Federline today? Tons. Tons, okay. Cool, I just want to make sure. Popo Zao is the only one worth playing. Popo Zao. Okay, I'll be all over that. Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros, you can see at Indy Jam. They're going to be great. Prodigy, Kings of Leon. All right. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Somebody just spit something in a spittoon.

3:07:03It's his backpack hitting the chair. Come back tomorrow at 6 o'clock. Do it all over again.