The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 07/27/11
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
nipple hairtoilet paper hackWipeout partyRepresentative Wu furry allegationspig latin gameI'm Glad You Ask segmentdriving arguments statisticstrue statement gamenudist jet ski accidentRob Halford interviewnipplehairtoiletpaperhack
The show opened with Mikey joking about his ear and nose hair and the nipple hair phenomenon, followed by a listener’s toilet‑paper‑roll hack that sparked a hunt‑for‑paper bit. Later, Mikey promoted the Wipeout viewing party featuring Woods and Jay, while the crew dissected Representative Wu’s furry past and the allegations against him. The program also included games like Pig Latin and I’m Glad You Ask, plus a discussion of driving‑argument statistics and a true‑statement reveal about L.O.B.’s Christmas‑party performance.
What happened, in order
Ear/Nose/Nipple Hair Talk
Mikey shares his morning grooming struggles with eyebrow clipping, ear and nose hair, and jokes about nipple hair on women after children.
Toilet Paper Roll Hack
An anonymous caller from San Diego describes his wife's habit of placing toilet paper on top of the empty roll and his clever broomstick fix to prevent the hunt.
Wipeout Viewing Party Announcement
Mikey promotes the upcoming Dave & Buster's Wipeout viewing party where Woods and Jay will appear on national television, urging fans to set DVRs.
Representative Wu Furry Discussion
The crew discusses Representative Wu's past as a furry, describing conventions, costumes, dancing to erotic sex pervert music, and his panda and beaver personas.
Pig Latin Game
The studio plays a Pig Latin word game where participants guess words like "pig pen," "piggyback," and "pig iron" based on clues and sound effects.
Driving Argument Statistics
Mikey shares survey results on what couples argue about while driving, ranking kids fighting, bad radio selections, parking, aggression, tailgating, getting lost, and speeding as top causes.
I'm Glad You Ask: Bungee Cord & Shakespeare
In the "I'm Glad You Ask" segment, Uncle Jay explains a bungee cord as many rubber bands tied together with hooks, and then describes William Shakespeare as a playwright who wrote plays like Romeo and Juliet.
True Statement: L.O.B. Sings Total Eclipse
A true statement is revealed that L.O.B. once sang a sex‑pervert version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at a company Christmas party, dropping the F‑word in front of staff.
Nudist Jet Ski Accident
Mikey recounts a news story about a 62‑year‑old nudist couple who crashed a nude jet ski in Florida, noting their "naughty parts" were unscathed.
People mentioned
LaverneShirleyLennySquiggyMikeyWoodsJayL-O-BChrisBreeAnonymous from San DiegoRebeccaJamieMatt
36,456 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Laverne and Shirley. You did. Like a madman. What did Lenny say? When he opened the door, would he always just go, Hello. Hello. Lenny and Squiggy. I know, but who said hello? It was one of the two. I think it was Squiggy. Lenny did this with his hand. Yeah, he would bite his hand. Would he do that when he was turned on? Oh, yeah. So if a girl turned him on, he'd bite the heel of his palm. Gotta bring that back. If a girl walks in and she's really hot, or fellow B walks in here and she's looking great, we go, oh, oh, oh. Do you remember Laverne's favorite drink? Yes. Pepsi milk. Hideous. Disgusting. Hideous. This is the most disgusting thing in the world. Who was hotter, Laverne or Shirley? Neither, but Shirley. Shirley, for sure. Shirley. Okay, but this is what you have to consider.
which one do you have a better shot with? Laverne. Of course. Laverne's first date. Of course. The date's not over. Yeah. You don't even have to take her out to dinner. It's her suggestion. I think both. We've got to find that drop. We've got to find it. I know, we do. It's so good. Welcome to Mikey's Show. I'm Mikey. I am 41, unfortunately. I had to clip my eyebrows this morning because I had the Oscar the Grouches going. Yep. Just the strays, man. Just sticking straight out like my old man. Oh, man. Jay said the same thing in his recap. He says he can't stop the nose and ear hair. He can't keep up with it. I can't keep up. It's just... Woods, do you have that yet? Oh, yeah, dude. I got ear hair. I got nose hair like a madman. You're only 36. Yeah. Yeah. Women will even start to get them on their nipples after children.
It's a true story. What is the matter with you? What is the matter with you? What? Why? Right off the bat. Wait, wait, wait. What's the difference between saying that and talking about the nose and ear hair? Nipples. It's a true story. Women, hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have heard. No, my wife does not have this issue. No, she doesn't. Oh, wow. These are the comedy jokes. and Mikey show song. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I don't even know why we needed that one. I love the Mikey shoe. The Mikey shoe. The Mikey shoe. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. That's gross. So we're done with the nipple hair talk? I don't know what got you all riled up, L-O-B. I mean, that's a fact of life. Not just me. Both of them, too. It's hideous. But...
It's a fact of life. Experience. And it's not fun. It's not good. It's a fact of life. Not with my wife. It's like floss. There's a lot of things that are a fact of life that we're not going to talk about. Periods. Now you brought me down. Okay. Now at least it's in perspective. Now I understand how you feel if I bring that up. Now I understand how it's sort of just, oh, wow, that's way more than I need to talk about. Rectile dysfunction. Stuff like that. ED doesn't bother me. I could talk about that. Wouldn't have an issue. It wouldn't bother me. Elephantitis. Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids. Hideous. I don't have a problem. Wow. I don't have a problem. But the other one, the one that you, the one that will go unmentioned. Don't. I said the one that will go unmentioned. Oh. Doesn't need to be discussed. Don't like it. Makes me woozy. Yeah, me too. M1 Nubian Prince is on the line. Hello, Bree. Hi, Nubian Prince. Good. What's up? Hey, dude, can we not talk about periods this morning? That'd be cool. Oh, boy. I appreciate it. Did you just say tweet it up? No, I did not. I appreciate it. Oh, you appreciate it. I can't tweet that. Thank you, Newbie Prince. Hey, I'm headed to a mission trip in Mexico right now. Y'all can pray for it, brother, man. You got it. Headed to the Rock Church, though. You got it, dude. That's very good of you, man.
All right, that's on me, dude. That's on me. I just like doing the kind of stuff. It's kind of cool. That's awesome. Way to go. Thank you, Nubian Prince. There you go. Better man than me. Appreciate you. M1 Anonymous from San Diego. What's going on? Good morning, Mikey Show. I don't know. I just like the way L.A.B. said nipple, so I want to hear her say it again. Oh, boy. Okay. L.A.B.? Thank you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Let me give you a drum roll. Nipple. There you go. I have something that my wife does, that your wife does, and I cured it. My wife cannot install a toilet paper roll on the dispenser. She sticks it on top of the cardboard empty. Yes. So what I did is I devised a, when she wasn't watching, I took a broomstick, attached it to the wall,
That is brilliant. That's huge. That's a fantastic idea. Yep. Let me tell you what the worst is. The worst is when I go in there. And I sit down. I haven't done anything, but I sit down. There's no toilet paper on the roll. And then I look to my right. I look to my left. I look around. There's nothing. And I haven't done anything yet, but now I've got to go on a hunt. Now it's a teepee hunt. Now I've got to go hunting. You don't look before you sit? No, I assume. You need some reserves in there. We keep about five to six reserves in there. So do we. So do we, but sometimes the reserves get used. Used. So what do you do? You've got to replenish. You get up and you go. Jay wasn't listening. Jay, this is before I've done anything. Jay just got this look like, oh my gosh, you get up like that? No, I haven't done anything. All I've done is sit down and then... You just don't text someone to come bring you something? Holy cow, that is a brilliant... What a good idea, Jay. That's funny. I never even thought about that, but that is a great idea. Do not text me to bring you toilet paper. Just telling you that right now.
Hey, speaking of Woods, speaking of Jay, one day, 13 hours, 49 minutes until Dave and Buster's Wipeout Viewing Party, where Woods and Jay will be appearing on national television on the TV show Wipeout. Set your DVR right now if you can't be with us or be watching it. They were chosen out of 75,000 people to be on the show Wipeout. And it's going to air tomorrow night. 7 to 9 is our party. The show starts at 8. But we're doing like a meet and greet with all the M1s. I go to bed at 6 o'clock at night. And I'm staying awake until 9. Well, later because it ends at 9. I won't even be leaving there until 9. I probably won't be asleep until 10. And I usually get up at 1 a.m. So who knows what time I'll be getting up on Friday. Are you going to nap tomorrow like a madman? I'm going to really. That's the plan. I'm going to ask Rebecca and my wife if she'll help me. If she'll please help me. I need her help blacking out the windows and keeping children away and allowing me to sleep with earplugs and my mask over my face like a diva and to try to get some rest. Nice beaver.
You know, I work on a different schedule than most. Than all. Than all, you know. To whom much is given, much is required. No, to whom much is given, much is expected. Much is expected. So, you know, I got to get to bed earlier, get up earlier, and the early bird, you know, does the worm and all that. Well, they don't do the worm, they get the worm. You know, tomato, tomato, whatever, I guess, you know, with that. Here's the deal, too. We got two things to give today. First of all, I mean, we are sending you to arenas and coliseums today for word of the day. All right? It's just that simple. When you hear me use the word election between now and 10, and you're Caller 9, first of all, you're going to get two things. A pair of tickets to Kid Rock Cheryl Crow at Cricket on August 2nd. But we're also going to throw in... Tickets to see Rage Against the Machine, Muse, Rise Against, Ms. Lauren Hill, L.A. Rising, July 30th, L.A. Coliseum. Wow. That is a show. Yeah. So a lot of stuff. 570-1949. It's your forum, M1. So you can call about anything. M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You are loyal to the Mikey Show. You build M1 Nation. You can call it at whatever you want. Some people on our Facebook page call it the M1 Army.
You can call it the M1 Army. You can call it the M1 Nation. You can call it whatever you want. But we are an aligned group of people. You want in? Get in. Just know the rules. Turn your radio down. Get to the point. Don't cuss. That's what we want from you. And it's anything you want to talk about. And we love you. What do you think about that? Chargers Camp opens today. Ladies and gentlemen, there it is. Quick. Tell you what, my man, it's been a 24-hour whirlwind already. Yeah. So I got all kinds of stuff. I don't even know where to start, but I'll start here. Four new, well, two new players are under lock and key already. Bob Sanders, who used to play for the Colts, won the NFL Defensive Player of the Year. The guy's a beast. If there's something left in that dude. If there's something there, forget it. Yeah. He doesn't get injured. The guy is a beast. He's incredible. They signed Takeo Spikes yesterday. Takeo? Takeo. Takeo. Takeo Spikes, who was, he's all pro. I mean, the guy's been in the league forever. Hits real hard. Really, really hard. Good player. Yeah. Really good player. And they also re-signed Jeremy Clary. Started every, played every snap last year. Yep. Phenomenal. And Randy McMichael, backup tight end, was great. I mean, so those four guys off the bat, already a huge splash. Yeah. Okay.
Your boy goes out and signs, your boy A.J. Smith goes out and gets 19 free agents. What? Undrafted free agents yesterday. Who? What? Now, the biggest names out there, Wisconsin quarterback Scott Tolzian, 6'2", 220, rocket for an arm, accurate as hell. And then Mike Blank from the 2011 BCS National Champion Auburn Tigers. And Blank is a defensive end. But of the 19 players that they picked up yesterday, 12 are on offense. Also, you want another one? Yeah. Another taste. Vincent Jackson expected to sign his franchise tag on Friday. He will be a Charger for the duration of the season. It's insane. Wow. Already. Didn't expect that in a million years. This is good news, Charger fans. It's all good news. This should give you a lot to be excited about. Well, they're stockpiling talent is what they're doing. Yeah. So, you know, there's a lot of names out there they still need to get. They need to re-sign Billy Volek. You know, they... as a backup. They're not going to have a rookie be the second string quarterback. So there's so much stuff. Wait till I tell you what else went on in the NFL later. It's insane. The day was nuts. Yeah. So fun. And it's going to keep going like this until Friday when they, you know, Friday is the day that they can actually start to put their signatures on. Oh, wow. Woods is whipping his shirt off. Whoa. Okay. I will say this.
I would really like to see that Steve Smith deal go down with Carolina and have the Chargers acquire wide receiver Steve Smith. Would be phenomenal. There's another name out there that I kind of watched for the last 10 years. Now listen, Ryan Matthews is a great player. We are probably going to lose Sproles, Darren Sproles, which sucks. But Marion Barber's out there. Been kind of hurt, been kind of banged up in a weird system in Dallas. I could see Marion Barber with a bolt on his helmet. Him, Ryan Matthews, just banging people, dude. Well, and scoring touchdowns. All right. He's not sold on that. I'm not because of the type of player that he is. Just vicious, mean, and hits so hard. But see, I see him as like a lead guy. No. He's part of a committee. Him, Felix Jones, it was a three-headed monster.
And, dude, the guy's solid. Is he? He's a solid player. But who knows? I'll take your word for it and say, all right, but I'm really upset about Sproles. Yeah, probably not. But you never know. Stranger things have happened. If that's a deal, we've got to keep Mike Tolbert. Yep. Yeah, Tolbert's a bruiser. It's rad, though. It's the most fun I've had since I started doing sports on the radio. It's pretty great. Yesterday was a lot of fun. Let's see. We haven't talked a lot about Representative Wu, who I believe, I don't know for a fact that he's a furry. My sound effects guy and my good friend Sean used to be a furry. Yes. No longer does that. His deal is that he's grown up. For those that don't know what a furry is. Sex pervert. Sex pervert. No. He would say no. He would say no. And in fact, he said that it wasn't about that. He used to go to conventions and things of this nature. Sex pervert conventions. Sex parties. Sex pervert parties. Oh, no. Just dressed up like a big animal. Why would you dress up? Mascot. Like a mascot. Like a mascot. Why? What they would do is, first of all, they would get very excited about the detail of the costume. Okay? The mascot uniform, costume, whatever you want to call it. They would get very excited about that.
Second of all, he enjoyed going to the conventions and meeting people that shared like-minded hobbies. Would they make love at the convention? He says, Sean claims, that those people were a fringe element of the furry lifestyle. After party. But for most, but for most, It was about getting dressed up and having a good time. And dancing. That's right. Dancing. Guess what they would dance to while they were dancing? Well, they would dance to what I used to call erotic sex pervert music. Now, he didn't call it that. ESPM. ESPM. Yes. It's erotic sex pervert music. He's dressed as a panda eating some...
Bamboo, real good. Wiener time. Sucking on a pacifier. Oh, I'm in. Playing with glow sticks. Sounds like a blast. Dressed as a beaver. Sweaty, real good. Dressed as a beaver. Two things I think he was. A beaver and a panda. Well, anyway, Representative Wu, he's a Democrat and he is... Facing allegations that he had a forced sexual encounter with a young woman last year. And Nancy Pelosi, of course, who is the House Democrat leader, she's putting pressure and saying needs to be a formal investigation with the ethics committee on this guy and his actions. And he said, look, he says this is going to just get in the way of my family. And I can't serve Congress like this. Initially, what he wanted to do is hang in there.
He wanted to stay in office until 2013, but there's just too much pressure. So dude's got to, you know, get out of there. There was a picture of him in a tiger costume with his arms up, like, like, like, well, here's the thing. If he enjoys being in a tiger costume, that's fine. I mean, that's not in and of itself. There's, you know, whatever. If you want to be a tiger, whatever. Yeah, be a tiger. There's nothing immoral about being a tiger. But creeping on 15-year-old girls is pretty creepy. 100%, if that's what happened. I don't even know what happened. I don't know the details. I don't know to what you refer. Takes one to know one. Fair enough. He didn't creep on her LOB. She was Sienna's sister. Yes. I don't even know what you're talking about. She's 16. She just recently turned 16. Well, she's a beautiful young woman. I never creeped on anybody. No, you didn't creep on her. And to Wood's defense, like many 16-year-old women, he didn't know she was 16. Well, first of all, he didn't do anything improper. Exactly. Impropriety. But she does look like a 26-year-old woman. And I did not have any forced relations with her. Right, forced relations. No. In a tiger costume. No, he didn't do that. Nope.
Did creep on her, though. I didn't creep. Under the general's, you know, term. I did not creep. Well, I think L.O.B. is, the reason she categorized it that way is because you friend requested her on the Facebook social network. I'm friends with all of our family. Yeah. You asked about her all the time. You should stop that. Yeah. Never asked about her. I asked about everybody in that family's well-being. So why were you going through her photo album? I wasn't. You would, and then you'd say, oh, mama, see you. Oh, BS. You guys are lying. My wife listens to this show. So the Coronado police apparently responded 13 different times to the homes of Jonah and Dina Shachnai. This is the couple over in Coronado where the girlfriend was found hanged from the courtyard balcony. Naked, bound, something. I have my thoughts on it, but I think that to say it is irresponsible, so I'll wait. I've shared my comments off the air, and then if they come to fruition, then I'll feel safe revealing what I think is going on. It's a good call. But until then, I don't think it's responsible to say what I think the deal is. It doesn't sound like there was a great relationship. It sounds like there was a lot of drama. A lot of drama between...
Jonah Shachnai and his ex-wife, Dina Shachnai, who had shared custody of their six-year-old son, Max, who went tumbling down the stairs at that mansion and eventually died. And then a few days later, the girlfriend of this guy, Jonah Shachnai, her name is Rebecca. She was found naked and hanged in the courtyard. Arizona police records, they show a bunch of instances of... Domestic violence between the two of them. Man. And then here in Coronado, they went to Shackney to Jonah's house at least eight times between July 08 and July 2011. Wow. For things like burglary and vandalism. And during those same three years, police showed up at Jonah's ex-wife Dina's house five times for things like noise disturbance, alarms.
And a suspicious vehicle. Huh? It's drama filled, man. Yes. All kinds of drama. I mean, this is going to turn into one of those, you know, 48 hour mysteries for sure. Yep. And then Jesse James and Kat Von D have split. That's weird. Weird. Jesse James said, I'm so sad because I really love her. But the distance between us is just too much. Really sorry, Jesse. Yeah. It's a commute between L.A. and Austin. He's in L.A., she's in Austin. And then Kat Von D. went on Twitter and said, I am no longer with Jesse. And out of respect for him, his family, and myself, that's all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that. Match made in heaven anyway. Denise Richards was asked a few questions. Yeah, Woods is really into her. And I think that Jay thinks she's real hot too. She was asked about some of the weird things that were in Charlie's house when she moved in with him, and she told about that and some other stuff. We'll pass it along to you when we get back.
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Dave & Buster's, the only place to eat, drink, and play. Visit a location near you to play games half price every Wednesday from open to close. Escape into play. This report is brought to you by Allstate. Summer's here. It's time to bundle up. Bundle protection for your car plus your home, your boat, your motorcycle, or more, and save. Call an Allstate agent to bundle and save today. Well, we've got a lot of slowing on the freeways this morning. Real slow, actually. On the 805 southbound after the 5, the north end, we've got semi-tire tread in the slow lane that's causing a delay. But some really delayed speeds on the 163 northbound between the 5 and the 805. Also, as you check out the 5 southbound ramp to Delmar Heights Road, there is an accident there. It's over on the left shoulder. This report brought to you by In-N-Out Burger, where your double-double and fries are made fresh the moment you order them. Not a moment before In-N-Out. That's what a hamburger is all about. Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. Come on, man, wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. Here at designonline.com. Here's our boy Jared, the greatest graphic designer in the United States of America, possibly the world.
And I'm going to go as far as saying the Milky Way Galaxy. I mean, just unbelievable. You want business cards. You want a website. You want anything. Jared is your guy. I mean, the guy does everything. And he's just an incredible dude. Word of the day's election. I haven't said it. So when I say it between now and ten, caller nine, you're going to see L.A. Rising, Rage Against the Machine, Muse, Rise Against Ms. Lauren Hill at the Coliseum, plus Kid Rock tickets, Sheryl Crow tickets here. It's a big prize. Could happen during commercials even. So you've got to be listening. Snoop Link, The Mikey Show, an incredibly popular morning radio show here in San Diego. Denise, what are some of the things that you found, Denise Richards, that were odd in Charlie Sheen's house when you first moved in? Let me ask another question about Charlie, because I was reading that when you moved into his house. I'm soothing.
Done with that. We're never going to be done with Charlie, I have a feeling. I've never done an interview where I haven't been asked. You have to. I'm afraid it's the way it is. Can't do the lunch around it. But when you moved into his house, there were some strange rooms that I was reading about. I moved into his bachelor pad, and there was a fire pole in my closet. There was a panic room and a bulletproof door to our bedroom. And I just thought it was nice. He was always prepared for a disaster. Paranoid. Denise. You know what a panic room is, L.O.B.? Oh, yeah. Panic room is a room that you have in your house you go into, and once you're in there, nobody can get to you. I would love a panic room. I want one. Oh, yeah. It would be awesome. They sound pretty cool. You know, Charlie Sheen is going to be doing a roast. There is going to be a roast for Charlie Sheen. Will she be a part of it? They're doing a roast of him on Comedy Central. Are you going to roast him?
A lot of people said that I was, but I haven't been officially asked. I think it would be a great idea to get the ax on. On one hand, I think it could be funny. On the other hand, I don't know if the girls... He can take it. He can take it, but I don't know. It just opens up a hole. It does. It does. And the kids, if I'm seen roasting their dad, they won't understand. Well, you know, I don't know that it would be any worse than them seeing dad strung out on television. Behaving like a wild man. Yeah, I actually heard an interview with her and she said she has shielded those kids so much. She said she doesn't turn the television on. She couldn't turn the TV on for months. It's a good idea. For months. She said all she played was Nickelodeon and Disney. Good mom. This is me not on drugs, bro. So we hear mommy roast daddy all the time. Yeah. It's different though, darling. To her friend. On the phone. You know what? Roast is when you say bad things and then everybody laughs. Are you thirsty? Do you want me to get you some milk? Yep. No more talking, remember? Okay. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Stop. Move forward. So, if you want to play Buzzword 570-1949, you're going to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B. Do you want to pick? Now, before we will let people call and pick me, Woods, or L-O-B for Buzzword, what will the winner get, Jay?
They're going to get $40 in free gameplay at Dave & Buster's. Okay, cool. This is incredible. Morgan Freeman's rep had to issue a statement saying, this political ad that's airing in Wisconsin right now is not my client, Morgan Freeman. And I need everybody to know it. What I think is extraordinary about it is, who is this guy? Because he's so badass, I couldn't... Believe my ears. Here's what Shelley Moore thinks about taxes. Moore and her union fought to overturn the reforms that had finally ended a debt of double-digit property tax increases. And Moore and her union support a government-run health care plan that would raise taxes by $510 a month for every Wisconsin worker and give free health care to illegal aliens. Moore. Taxes. Tell Shelley Moore when it comes to taxes.
We want less, not more. That's red. It's jaw-dropping. That's red from Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. He made one mistake. What was it? He got a little bit too high and cheerful in some parts. Yes. L.O.B., let me tell you something. That, to me, is as good as it gets. Pretty much. I'm telling you, even Morgan Freeman says, you got to get that. You got to tell people that isn't me. Yeah. Because for a second I was like, when did I record that? Wow. Here's what Shelley Moore thinks about taxes. Unbelievable. Moore and her union fought to overturn the reforms that had fired. Where did they find this guy? This guy's got such a unique talent. He probably can't do anyone else, by the way. Maybe that's just the speaking voice. He's like, everyone keeps telling me. Who is this Morgan Freeman I hear about? Yeah.
I do it, and people seem to like it at parties. I get free beer everywhere I go. All these girls ask me to read the bedtime stories. I've never even seen one of his movies. Double-digit property tax increases. Can't you just see old Red's droopy eyes? Oh, yeah. Those freckled eyes that he's got. Those freckled eyes that's glassy, you know. Thor and her union support a government-run health care plan that would raise taxes by $510 a month for every Wisconsin worker. Did you cry at the end? Oh, yeah. When that camera does that big boom shot where it raises up on that beach in Mexico and you see Andy and you see old Red meeting each other and hugging. Andy's working on that boat. He's sanding that boat and Red walking down with his hobo pack. He turns around and he sees old Red and he says, Oh, man. They cut away and you just have to imagine them making love on the beach. Oh, man. I mean, that's where they were going, right? That's a different movie. Cowboy. Making Love on the Beach, Red and Andy. I don't think so. That's what I always... I thought they was gay. I thought it was homoerotic. Y'all gonna sit there. Oh, y'all gonna play a game like that's not what y'all thought? Y'all gonna make me feel stupid now? Oh, yeah. I'm the weird one. I'm the weirdo. Like, we don't know. They just left it out of the movie, but you know that's how it got protected. You know that's where it was going. Well, they were in prison, y'all, for like 40 years. Lay and drop the soap real good.
We're all a bunch of kids. I'm going to pretend. Oh, they're just buddies. Grow up. Never went any further. They're drinking on that red stripe. That's right. Let's see. M1 hot for teacher from Claremont. Who would you like? I would like you, Mikey. You got it. Hang on the line. M1 Mick from IB. Who do you want? Mablewood. There you go. Weird. M1 Lisa from Lakeside. L-O-B. Well, that's the winner of the game today. That's always the winner. She's going to win the game today. Always. She's guaranteed it. She's put it in writing, actually. She had it notarized so that there was a public notary there when she said, I guarantee a win today. It's patented. You're not rattling me. I hope you know that. I'm getting in your cage, girl. All right, hang on, Lisa. What's the word, Jay? Jay, say it. Today's word is pig. L.O.P. I know that was directed at me. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. Wow. Knee-jerk reaction. Here we go. Pig. Pig. Pig. A funny made-up language. Pig Latin. Ooh, tie a three-way tie. Here we go. You guys are going to know this one for sure. A sausage. Pigs in a blanket. That's it. How dare you.
Oink. F-ing oink. Pooh's playmate. Pigpen! No, you said, what would you say, Lauren? You said pigpen. Piglet. Yes, Mikey got it. Weird, Mike. You got piglet. Takes one to know. Went to market. Little piggy! There you go. Mikey's nickname is a kid. Shut it! Shut up. Let's see. Grocery chain. Piggly Wiggly. Piggly Wiggly. Gosh darn it. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Never heard of it. Southern. Blocks of crude metal. Pig iron. That's right. What? Pig iron? Yep. Pig iron. Popped in my brain. Pig iron. You can know that. Pig iron. Copper pig. A dirty or untidy place. Pig pen. Pig sty. Mikey. Pig sty. Darn it.
I love the self-beating. I love the self-annihilation that happens. Just yell, pig pen. Here we go. Looney Tune, stutterer. Pig, piggy pig! Damn it. L-O-B. L-O-B. Ah! How can we not all get that? Mike, three. Me, three. Woods, four. Ride on one's shoulders. Piggyback ride! Piggyback. I think it was Woods this time. Was it? It was definitely not you. Easy, Paco on the kettle black. Where's Mikey headed? Movie starring a talking porker. Porkies. Oh, Charlotte's Web. Porky pig. There's a pig in it. Pig.
The pig house. Pig in a boat. Pig pen. Pig party. Pig house. Wilbur the pig. Adventures of the pig. The pig and I. Pig. The pig and I? Pig. Gun with a pig. A rising pig. What is it? Babe. Pig in the city. Oh, come on. It's a babe. New word. New word. What's a word? What is it? What's a word? Chair. Chair. Okay. A baby's feeding seat. High chair. Lauren? No. You ever just call me something you hear? Yeah. The best violin player sits here. The head chair. The first chair. First chair. Whoa. Head chair. It's a whole different seat. I wasn't even going to. Oh, Lord. I'm just saying. It's my favorite chair, Mac. What's the score, Lauren? What's the score?
It'll be four, Mike three, Woods six. Okay, these next two are two-pointers. Oh, boy. And that's it, right? Unless I change it. Takes you up a ski hill. I said it early. He said it early, and he didn't scream it, but maybe he needs to be a little louder. I said ski chair. That was close. I said it very early, Woodsy. Molding that runs along the wall. Chair molding. Chair crowning. Chair. Cherry picking. Chair rail. Oh, yeah. Oh, the old chair rail. You didn't know the rail. Chair rail. Pee Wee's Playhouse character. There you go, Lauren. Cherry. All right, tied. Get up, get up. She just dove into the beanbag. Okay, we got to have a tiebreaker here. This is a tiebreaker. Score, read the score, read the score.
It's for the win. Here we go. Something bad's going to happen to the loser. Something bad's going to happen. Here we go. Mom sits in it to soothe the baby. Son of a. L.O.B. Gosh darn it. Son of a. Josh. She wins every time. It's just not fair. I'm jealous. It's on. Bring it. I will love you violently. Stay away from the crack. Emma and Lisa from Lakeside. Hi. She did it. Yay. I gave it all I had. I couldn't rattle her cage. I tried to get in her kitchen. I couldn't do it. Damn it. You're a winner. Hang on. Take it easy, Mike. Yeah. You know. A lot of people in that kitchen. There's too many cooks in that kitchen. Oh. Pretty hot in there. Oh, my gosh. But in the oven. Just kidding. When L.O.B. makes the pregnant jokes, it makes me so uncomfortable.
It's just the jokes. Yesterday, Woods and I said, if you get pregnant anytime soon. I'll do my best not to. Thank you. Please. We would appreciate that very much. You know who else would? Morgan Freeman. Here's what Shelley Moore thinks about taxes. Moore and her union fought to overturn the reforms that had finally ended a debt of double-digit property tax increases. It's not even Morgan Freeman. Identical Morgan. Identical Morgan. Lauren put that she gets really mad. Maybe this is a chick thing, because she said she gets real mad when someone won't answer her text, but then she sees them on Facebook. And I didn't know why, but the other day, after our program, she's slamming her mouse down. I thought she was frustrated with her computer, but she was so irritated. And the reason she was irritated is because...
She'd been trying to call her and text her friend like three different times. And then all of a sudden she sees this friend that's not picking up or answering or texting back make some stupid Amy Winehouse joke that wasn't even funny. It would have made a difference if it was clever and funny. You'd say, oh, you were thinking that one up. I can understand how that would take some thought. It wasn't even funny. And that upsets you. Yes. And then I even posted on the status, wow, so you can post Amy Winehouse jokes, but you can't text me back. Nothing. Which could be an indication as to why she's afraid of you. He. He's afraid of you. Yeah. Hey, we all know that person. They're so busy. Oh, you hear about how busy they are. I talk about how busy I am. I'm a busy person. Oh, they're so busy. I have so much to do. I can barely take a breath.
How do you find time for all those Facebook updates? A lot of mobile uploads for you. You sure are uploading a lot of stuff, pal. But here's the deal. When I go home, I pretty much turn my phone off. And I'll Facebook. So I'm Facebooking. But my phone's turned off. Listen, you're the last guy in the world that's hard to get a hold of. Fair enough. So if your phone is off, somehow. You're getting texts and phone calls. Well, I check it pretty regularly, but it's off. I'll grab a nap, do some Facebooking. Mine is off. Always. Always off. That's awesome. I don't turn it on. And the reason is because it scares me when it rings. It's loud. It's kind of startling. I don't like it. It's got a volume adjust on there. Yeah, it does. You can turn it up and down, put it on vibrate. You know what? Honestly, that's not a bad idea. Yeah. Honestly, you're right. I should turn the volume down a little bit, but then I'm afraid, oh, I won't hear it. So what I do is I turn it off where I don't hear it at all, and then I check it periodically. Now, I don't check it enough for Woods' taste. When I look at my phone and there's two missed calls and like four texts, it's like the weight of the world is now on my shoulders. I like to knock them out one at a time. I woke up from a nap yesterday. I had a call from a rep here.
I had a missed call from somebody else, and I had two texts. I was like, great. Oh, my God. What the hell? People think I'm dead. Dude, I wake up. Here's the difference between our realities. I'll wake up from a nap, turn my phone on. I got three missed calls, four texts on there. I roll my eyes and go, what am I, Kennedy and the Cuba crisis is going on? Well, you got 13 days until they throw the nukes at us? Take it easy. What's so important? Take it easy. Agreed. You guys are monsters. You're monsters. It's called weeding or napping or, you know, take it easy. Is it that important? And then I go to it and it turns, you know what it is? Hey, it may be not from you, but it'll be like, hey, what's the name of that place you get the good meat from? And they tried to call. So they texted and asked the question. And then I saw I missed a call from them. And then they called again and left a message saying, hey, dude, sorry, I texted you earlier. You can say it. It's me. What's the name of that meat place? You can say it. It didn't always you. You can say it. Most of the time. Woods is the text guy, and he's also the call and not leave a message guy. You know what bothers me that Mike does? He'll send me an email, then it won't answer his phone. That's what you did yesterday.
She sent me an email. But maybe he's at his computer but not at his phone. Who doesn't have their phone with him at all times? I have the sound off and in my purse most of the time. I don't know about you guys and everybody listening in your car, but do you do this? Do you take your cell phone when you get home and purposefully place it upside down? Yes. I do. I put it out of sight. I put it upside down. I put it upside down because I don't, you know, I don't want to deal. Nope. I just want to rest a little bit, you know? Woods is very, he can, he can, he's got a lot of energy and he can talk and he can go. He can go. I have two speeds. I have stop and go. That's it. A lot of stop. That is, we got to, that is a great isolate. Yes. He does. Stop and go. That's it. I don't want to miss somebody calling that's like, hey, let's go surf or let's go, let's go do something. Oh, Jay, shut up. I don't want to miss some girl calling saying, hey.
I know you're married, but I'd like to make love anyway. So let's sext. I don't want to miss the volunteer fire department calling and saying, hey, we got one, let's go. I don't want to miss the shelter calling saying, hey, Jay, we need you to come down here and help surf suit. I don't want to miss a call early, hey, on Thanksgiving Day, can you be here to hand out stuff for the homeless? That's right. I don't want to miss the hot body contest. I'm also in the hot body reserve. They call me up, hey, we don't like any of the guys here. We're going to need you to come in and be a ringer. I got to be a ringer. Now, I'm going to tell you this right off the bat. I would not give you these things if they weren't for real things that you should know about. And what I'm talking about is things that are cheaper right now. I read that headline and I go, This is going to be stupid. I'm going to throw it away. And I read it and I went, no kidding. Didn't know that. Want to share that. So I'm going to tell you all about it. Don't go anywhere.
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There's not another place in San Diego that you should be getting sunglasses at. That's whack. I know that word hadn't been used since 92. And I can understand it. But the truth is, if you're doing that, what's that? That place is pretty boss. I'll give you that. It's boss. It's pretty kosher. It's cash. It's cash. So what I'm telling you is, if you're not going to sunglass and optical warehouse, It's knuckleheadish because they're the only place in town that has the complete line of all those designer frames you want. You want prescription glasses. That's the place to go. San Diego Magazine says only place to go. The Mikey Show says the only place to go. Sunglass and optical warehouse. The celebrity of sunglass places. Where? The sports arena. Right behind the sports arena. Go down Hancock. Veer to the right.
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Half-price game Wednesdays at Dave & Buster's. The only place to eat, drink, and play. Go to DaveAndBuster's.com for details, hours, and locations. This Friday, from the director of Iron Man, critics are calling Cowboys & Aliens the boldest blockbuster of the summer. They're here. They're going to wipe us out. You can follow me. It's unlike anything you've ever seen. We can stop them. You just have to work together. Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford. Grab your guns. We're riding out. Cowboys & Aliens. G13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. These days, going to the dentist can be practically painless. Gee, that didn't hurt a bit. Until they hand you the bill.
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That's actually a good speed, believe it or not. Also, we're looking at the 163 northbound between the 5 and the 52. That's in the 20s. This report brought to you by Kaiser Permanente. They think the Internet was intended to make total health smarter, more efficient, more convenient. Then again, it's not bad for watching a video of a cat playing the piano either. They're Kaiser Permanente. They want you to live well, laugh well, and thrive. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. CT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. Lauren. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized in days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. All right, this thing is for real that I'm going to give you. Things that are actually getting cheaper that you can know about and actually be pretty stoked about knowing. Now, how smart is your dog? There's a study from the University of Florida. The average dog has the intelligence of a two-year-old human. The average dog is capable of understanding about 165 words and gestures.
The average dog can count to five. In fact, the average dog can perform basic math in its head, especially when it comes to food. That's the true story. When it comes to food, it can perform basic math. So can a child. A two-year-old child can perform basic math. You ain't got to sell me, pal. I believe you 100%. You got to look like... No, my look was like... I was talking about aliens. No, it was like, that makes me sad because it's sweet. And also they say it's all about reading human body language. They're really, really good at that. They can make calculated decisions about who to beg food from based on the best chance of success, proving that dogs are intelligent animals. Very much. They are very intelligent animals. The lentils. Okay, so the Cardiff kook is the homoerotic-looking statue in Encinitas, California, of a guy going, hello, on a surfboard.
Okay? They like to dress him up. They do. It looks identical to me when I surf, by the way. Identical woods. Identical woods. Okay, now, here's the deal. They are having to repair him because of all the people that dress him up. It's injured his back. It's taken a toll. Being serious, it's taken a toll on this poor guy. They've dressed him up as a penguin, a clown, and being swallowed by a shark, Osama Bin Laden. Michael Jackson. Yeah. Fitzgerald Steeler. Pretty much. Stevie Nicks. Stevie Nicks. J. Isbell. And so the city of Encinitas is having to shell out $3,200. Wow. I saw them doing that. People were taking pictures of them repairing it. What is wrong with you people? It's like our little Statue of Liberty here. It is. It is. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to us today by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Well, here's what you're going to be hearing about for the next few weeks from the kid Woods in sports. It's going to be free agent updates. So, Donovan McNabb has a new team, more than likely. He's going to be the starting quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings. They have put together a deal. Now, he's got to take a huge pay cut, but they want to bring him in. He's 34 years old. He's going to help groom their first-round draft pick, Christian Ponder.
Really? Yeah, if he takes it. If he takes the pay cut. But it's either take the pay cut or don't play. Right. Also, another quarterback in Tennessee, Matt Hasselbeck, will not re-sign with the Seahawks. They won't re-sign him. He's going to be a Tennessee Titan. He will be the starter there. Expected to help groom Jake Locker, the eighth pick in the draft. So it was a frenzy yesterday. It's only getting crazier. He's supposed to be good, that kid, Jake Locker. Yeah, Jake Locker's a good quarterback. But we'll see. Let's see. Okay, so here's a few things that you should know. Time Magazine came out with this thing about some stuff that's a lot cheaper right now. And the way the economy is, which is a turd. By the way, if somebody knows about this whole debt ceiling thing, it's a big deal and can come down to trickle down to every human being. M1 cave dweller, make that right. Make it right, dude. In layman's terms. Yes, normal stuff. It's so grown up. It's so grown up. I'm 41. This is the age that I should really know about the debt ceiling. Ditto. You know what we should call is Rebecca's mom. She knows stuff. She reads. She break it down? Oh, yeah. Like more than even my dad. Wow. Like she knows stuff. She's very on top of things. All I know is that Obama and that Boner guy were going back and forth. Boner and Obama. Yeah, Boner and Obama.
All right. Well, anyway, here's some things that are cheaper. Pools, swimming pools have dropped 75% in price. And I'm talking about in-ground Doug's swimming pool. Having a swimming pool done has dropped by 75% since 2004. In fact, the Wall Street Journal, they go, it's one of the most dramatic discounting eras ever seen. Wow. They said if you're in the market, most of these companies are offering big discounts and throwing in a lot of free stuff. So if you want a swimming pool, now's the time. Ikea, they cut on materials, transportation, design, production, marketing. So everything's going to be 2% to 3% cheaper this year. And they're also doing the same thing next year at Ikea. Wow. It's already pretty reasonable there. It's pretty reasonable. Good stuff. Now, part of the problem with Ikea, once you go in, it's very difficult to get out. Well, that and you have to put the stuff together yourself. Woods and I, your wife. You buy it, and then your wife will put it together. Real estate. Homeowners aren't really happy about it, but if you want to buy a house, it's a great time. Dude, I heard that bit. Jamie and I were looking at houses in Encinitas. It was like a 1,500 square foot house for $800,000. I'm like, come on. That's a deal. It doesn't affect.
Because some places, it's never going to go down. It's just incredible. It has. It has everywhere. Houses on the street have gone down. Everywhere. Even the Richie Rich. Yes, they have. He's coastal. Where they used to be 14 mil, now they're two. I don't know about that. I do. I'm telling you. The house next to me was 800,000. It's now down to 530. Listen to this. Listen to this. In the last few years. Housing prices have decreased by a third, which is more than they did during the Great Depression. That is insane. House Across the Street was seven-something, and now they just sold for 507, completely redone. New floors, new paint, new stucco, everything. That's a deal in this town. Where you live, that's a deal. My parents paid for their home because they sold their house in Gilroy when they moved here. And they paid for the house, bought it. And it was exactly 520. The house, identical to theirs, next door, just sold for $310,000. Yeah, it's one of those things you've got to have a lot of capital to do it. But if you had extra dough, there's probably nothing that you'd want to invest in other than real estate right now. Because eventually it's going to go up, especially here, I would imagine. Terrible if you're trying to sell. Awful. You can't. You cannot. My parents went out of their house. They've been in there for 26 years, but they're like...
You know, we're going to get a fraction of what we paid for it. Yeah. I'm going to wait three years. Yeah. Now, this one, Jay's going to like this. Solar panels. Prostitutes. Oh, not prostitutes. Not prostitutes. 66% more Americans had solar panels installed in the first quarter of this year than in 2010. Again, 66% more. I want them. Well, listen to this, dude. Part of it is because the price of the equipment's dropped. 15% over the last year. 15% that stuff's gone down. There's still a rebate, too. Yeah, you get a rebate. Tax rebate? Yeah, from the government. You have them, don't you? For the swimming pool. Ah, I want both. You want them for the house? No, I want both. I'm still in the process of looking at it all. But this one company guarantees you that over eight months you'll make your money back. Wow. Saving on electricity and stuff? That's rad. They'll take you completely off the grid. As a matter of fact, you'll start selling power back. Get out!
Wow, I'm in. Anybody who spends over, and I'm just starting to do the research, but anybody who spends over $150 a month on their electrical, which is this guy, then you start to make your money back quick. Eight months. Pretty solid, dude. Why not get them? If you can afford them, why not get them? There's no reason not to. Well, not only that, imagine what it must do to the resale of your house. Oh, for sure. Somebody's moving in, you go, oh yeah, you don't have any utilities. Right. That's freaking cool. The only thing that I've always heard is that the storage capacity of the battery, well, not the storage capacity, but the long-term effects of the batteries, because at some point you have to replace the batteries, and they are super expensive. Just like the car. You know, it's like four grand to replace the batteries for your house. That'll go down. I bet it will. LLB's probably right. And then last, now, I have zero interest in this. Lou Bush has one, says it's the greatest. 3D TV. He says, it's great. He's like, and I go, I rolled my eyes and I turned my head to the side and Lou goes, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, you don't understand. You don't understand. I said the same thing, dude. You got to see it. And once you see it, you'll be blown away. You go, Lou, why didn't I do it before? My dad just bought one. What'd he say?
He has not told me about it. My little brother told me about it. And I will check it out this weekend and give you the full report. What did your little brother say? He said it's ridiculous. He's like me. He has no desire. He's like you. No desire. And he's like... I have no interest in seeing it. I don't even think he's seen it turned on yet. Oh, so he hasn't viewed it. He hasn't viewed it, but he knows that my dad has one and thinks it looks ridiculous. I think it's a ridiculous premise. I think it's a ridiculous premise. I think it sounds stupid. I think it's a fad in motion pictures that was around a while back. It was a big fad in the 50s. And it sucked in the 50s. And it sucked in the 50s. And it came back for a little while in the 80s. And it's come back now, and I think it sucks now. It's going to save the movie theaters is what they're saying. Have you not gone into Costco and looked at it? They've got them all set up there when you go into Costco and you flop them on. It is insane. What does it do, Jay? It makes it 3D. It makes all the pictures 3D. Everything, you know, it's perfect. It's amazing. But this is what I don't get. A lot more depth in the scenes. I don't want to beleaguer this. For people that are driving right now and they're like, oh, God.
Give me one second to indulge myself by asking Jay this. Regular shows or? Regular. I mean, it's just whatever movie they have. So it has to be a 3D thing. It's a 3D thing, yeah. I can't watch SportsCenter in it. Unless they start offering it in 3D. So everybody, it's three-dimensional. It's like Princess Leia popping up. It's like, hey, look at that. Really? Yeah. How drunk is he? How drunk is he? Girl, how drunk is he? Well, all I know is my last experience with 3D is when we went to see Alice in Wonderland and I wanted to blow my head off. That's stupid. Maybe that was because of the movie. Let me tell you how lame Alice in Wonderland was in 3D. I don't even remember that it was. They did it in After Effects. They did that movie. They didn't shoot it in 3D. They did it afterwards. Okay. I'll give you one they did that I was like, big whoop. Ava freaking Tar. Oh, yeah. I forgot that was 3D. Avatar. Like, I went, it was the first one I was going to see in 3D and I was so excited. And I go in there and I put on those stupid glasses. And the movie starts and I go, it's not really popping out at me. Okay, so things are real blue. Stuff's real green. That's it? It's really green and really blue? What I wanted was...
I wanted one of those avatars to be like, and like be in my face and go. Didn't happen. I wanted. Isolate. Isolate that for sure. Didn't happen. Out on the whole concept. I like it. All right. So there you go. Those are some things that are a lot cheaper and they're cheaper for real. Pools, Ikea. real estate, and 3D TVs and solar panels. And if you're interested, going to space, but who cares? For about $100,000, you can go to space. You're kidding. Who cares? Who wants to? I would. What? I don't. I'm scared of death. Really? Who freaking cares? The adventure. The adventure. Easy, Lewis and Clark. Easily. Yeah, you walk into a party and you're like, yeah, I was in space just now. So if you won the lottery,
You would spend $100,000 to go to space. Now, LLB wouldn't. It wouldn't be the first thing. But if it was like $5,000, heck yeah. You think LLB would research different ways to get to space and the most economical? She would be like, I'm going to wait until Costco does space trips. I would wait for a Groupon to go to space. A Groupon? $99,000. Just floating around up there real cool. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. Who cares? I'd be scared to death. Did you guys not watch Challenger explode? Because I did. Everybody's going to go at some point. Oh, man. This kind of was sad. This is very sad. Everybody remembers this song. I want a cigarette real good. Just writing a horse with no name. What's your name? Dang it. You can give me one because I don't have one. Just a horse just sitting out here in the desert. Stop blowing that marijuana smoke in my face. Horse. Yeah, Dan. Peak is one of the founding members of the band America. And he's dead at the age of 60. Jay, who's the band that sings, I think it's Bread. I used to laugh. I used to cry. I need you.
Like the desert needs the rain. You know I need you. Isn't that bread? Maybe. I don't know. They all kind of go together. Boy, they do. Ambrosia bread. Bread is the worst name for a band. God. Yeah, that's bread. I think America may have done I Need You. It was. It was America. Look at you. Used to laugh. Used to laugh. Used to cry. These guys were big P-words back in the 70s. They really were. Gosh darn, dude. And they just were unabashed about it. In fact, it was kind of sexy to be a P. Oh, yeah. Flower power. Yeah, like girls were like, you're sensitive and you love. You love. We could smoke marijuana and just hug with our shirts off. You with my natural breasts. You with your hairy chest. No deodorant.
Neither of us wearing deodorant. Would have been a good time for me. LLP. But it's okay. Loved it. It's okay because your natural scent is actually what turns me on. Right. I love the smell of garlic. And you are turned on by my natural scent and my unshaved underarms. You're turned on by that. It's the way nature intended it. Just spinning bread records, smoking marijuana. Smoking marijuana, spinning bread, spinning America. What did they call it? Mary Jane. No. What do they call those plants that honk? Was it macrame? Macrame. Yeah. Yeah, macrame plants. Those were at our house. My older sisters. Of course. Everyone had macrame. This was another big hit by the band America, Sister Golden Hair. One of my favorite songs. I sing it to one of my dogs. It was probably about a girl that drove a baby blue VW bus with a surfboard on top of it. Never seen a razor in her life. Buckwheat and a headline. That's true. Imagine writing this, writing these words. This is a great song. Hi, Betty. How are you? I'm good.
You want to go to the beach today? Far out. Groovy. Ventura Highway? That's America too, right? Yep. Yes, it is. Here we go. Ventura Highway. That's a good song. Hey, Betty, I've got some grass. Damn, you know that I don't smoke grass anymore. Why not? Well, I heard that grass is not as natural as we think it is. So what do you do, you know, to get high? I eat mushrooms. I have a loop with this. And I take loops. This song is so rad. Have you heard The New America? It's really groovy. I listened to it yesterday on the beach nude until I was asked to leave. Now, did you drag your record player down to the beach?
Oh, that's right. I can't listen to it on the beach. There's no Walkman yet. I just caught you in a lie. You just caught me in a lie. I can't listen on the beach because there's no Walkman. There's no Blue Box. We have a transistor radio with one speaker in it. Oh, yeah. I was down on the beach listening to the Mighty 690 on AM radio, and they played it. Do you know that when Neil Young's mom heard Horse With No Name, she thought it was her son? Are you serious? I can imagine. She called him up and said, because he used to play all of his songs for her before they would go on the radio, and she said, why didn't you tell me about this one? He got all mad. Not me. It's not me, okay, Mom? Identical Neil. Identical Neil. Identical Neil. These guys just influenced by Neil Young, and they were like, we're going to be like Creed 20 years from now, ripping off Pearl Jam. Or Nickelodeon. There was a time where it was cool.
to rip off Neil Young. Absolutely. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, Dan. Dan Peek, founding member... Young. He was. 5701949 if you want to play some TomTom tunes. We're going to play some TomTom tunes. The TomTom Girl will be in here reading you some lyrics. What can you win, Jay? $40 in gameplay to Dave and Busters. Bring it and come play with us. I'm also going to tell you what men and women are fighting about in the car. It's pretty funny. Show coming up. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. This is the sound of Becky using a deposit-friendly ATM from Chase. So I just push the deposit checks button and slide these checks right in the slot.
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But then you've got to ask yourself, okay, well, what am I driving right now? And maybe it gets me two and four. Wherever I want to go gets me .8, .b, whatever. How much are you paying for it? If you're in a lease, how much are you paying for the car that you're in right now? Are you driving a Toyota? Are you driving a Dodge? What are you driving? Wouldn't you like to drive a 2011 328i for $249 a month? I would. Yeah. And people are paying more than that right now. leasing some other car that isn't a BMW. And BMW can do this because what they've done is they've taken their fleet of loaner cars, immaculate condition, low miles. In fact, if you want to go online right now, check out their inventory, BMWEncinitas.com, and look at what they have. Incredible stuff. It's 2011 328i's. They're straight from the loaner fleet, the service loaner fleet. That's how they can get you an offer like this with a payment like this. I'm talking about BMW Encinitas, the only place in town you should be going for a BMW. It's where I go. These days, going to the dentist can be practically painless. Gee, that didn't hurt a bit. Until they hand you the bill.
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8 in Center City Parkway. Stop and go in the teens. And the drive through the 163 northbound between the 5 and the 805. Not much better. It's in the teens in most spots. This report brought to you by the County of San Diego Vector Control Program. West Nile Virus reported in San Diego. Protect yourself and your family. Get the information on West Nile Virus. Text PEST to 75309 or visit SDFightTheBite.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bert and Bert Sirshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Wednesday morning brought to you by Frost Brewed Coors Light. When the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Brewing Company, Gold in Colorado. Surf-wise today, it's up to just another notch. That wind swell out of the west northwest has picked up slightly, combining with a bit of southwest swell out there at the same time, too. Nothing major by any means, but definitely a bit funner than it has been, meaning that it's running in that knee to waist-high zone, chest-high, maybe a rear shoulder-high wave as the occasional open spot to the combo of swell directions. Condition-wise, we've got some eddy winds out there, meaning southerly winds, south, southeast, so the more sheltered areas from those wind directions are looking best right now. Beach breaks looking fairly fun as the tide fills in. Reef breaks still a bit scattered and weak. Water temp might have dropped down a little bit as that wind swell picks up.
it can notch down a degree or two. So I hope not because I'm wearing my lighter wetsuit this morning. It's been really warm out there lately. So for up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for surfboard repair or restoration needs, go see my pal Joe Roper right down there at Marina Boulevard, just about four blocks north of the shed. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Let's get to the... And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the program. I'm your diminutive friend. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! And Jay. I like my coffee black. On FM 94.9. Got the stuff. It's pretty funny. It makes you fight the most in the car. And that's a true statement coming up. I know.
Oh, my gosh. Makes me nervous. Reach into a little bin and pull out a piece of paper that's got something that we've all written, and then we've got to say, well, who wrote this? And then we debate it, and you can call in, too. Spicy. Yeah, and if you have an example of that's a true statement, something just outrageous, and you say, hey, look, it's a true statement. What do you want? When Jay said that one time that all women are prostitutes, that's a true statement. That's what he said. Right. And he said it because he says, look, if you go out to dinner and we buy you dinner, that's an exchange of money. And if you then sleep with us after that, it's an exchange of money for sex. So, hence, prostitution. He's silent. He can't say anything. Let's do this then. Oh, yeah.
5701949. You want to win a prize? Play TomTom tunes. You're going to hear our TomTom device. Hi, TomTom girl. Hello, Mikey. She is a real TomTom device. She will talk. She will read lyrics to a song. And all you need do is tell us in 20 seconds the title or artist and you win. And the prize is a 40 bucks to Dave and Buster's. That's true. There you go. M1 Amy from Mission Valley. Hi. You got 20 seconds to give us title or artist to this song from the Tom Tom Girl. Janie got a gun. Her whole world has come undone from looking straight at the sun. What did her daddy do? What did he put you through? Then they say when Janie was arrested, they found him underneath the train. Very easy. But man, he had it coming. Now that Janie has got a gun, she ain't never going to be the same. Amy, title or artist.
That is correct. Do you like this song, Tom Tom Girl? I like it very much, Mikey. You're a rocker. That's why you're wearing those little stiletto heels on your little Tom Tom body. That's correct, Mikey. Fishnets. Fishnets on your little Tom Tom device? That as well. Like the... Jay says he likes the way that the back of the Tom Tom Girl looks. Jay's a creeper. He's a creep. I have a leather case too, Mikey. It wasn't so loud. That was very loud, wasn't it? Maybe turn it down, maybe. Amy, hang on the line. You're a winner. Thanks so much. Oh, babe. What's that? Oh, babe. Not loud enough for you. I'm one Scotty from Carlsbad. Are you there? Yeah. 20 seconds for title artists of this song.
Hey there, Delilah. What is it like in New York City? I am a thousand miles away, but girls, you know, you look so pretty. Yes, you do. Times Square cannot shine as bright as you. I swear that it is true. Hey there, Delilah. Do not worry about the distance. I am right there if you get lonely. Scotty, title or artist. Hey there, Delilah. That a boy. That is correct. That's how you say her name? It's actually Delilah. Delilah. Hey there, Delilah. Delilah. Where are these guys going? I think I have to take a poo. I swear it's true. It's true. I think that guy's working at Suncoast Video now. It was a one-hit wonder. I think it's fair to say. 100%. Please hang on the line. Yeah, yeah. Scotty. Up next is M1 Ashley from Ramona. Ashley, you ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. We need 20 seconds for you to listen to this and give us title of artist. Here we go. I am sorry, Miss Jackson. Ooh, I am for real. Never meant to make your daughter cry. I apologize a trillion times. I am sorry, Miss Jackson. Ooh, I am for real. Never meant to make your daughter cry. I apologize a trillion times.
My baby's drama mama do not like me. She be doing things like having them boys come from her neighborhood to the studio. Ashley, can you give me title or artist on that? It's Outkast. I don't know the name of the story. That's correct. Miss Jackson. Yeah. I've never heard that. I'm not kidding. I've never heard it. What? I've never heard it. It's a great song. Is it? Yeah, it is. No, I'm saying it. Yes, it is. I never heard it. I heard Hey Y'all. That album was good. And I know Rosie. You are a winner. Hang on the line, Ashley, okay? She nailed that one. You got it. She got it right, too. Yes. Let's see. Okay, so I told you, what do we fight about while we're driving? I'm going to give you the top eight. Four percent of the people that are driving and they're fighting.
By the way, 16% of the people that were even polled for this said none of the above, what I'm about to read. But eight, excuse me, 4% said kids fighting in the backseat is one of the things they fight about with their spouse. Kids fighting in the backseat. Now, I don't know what the fight would be about. What's the fight? Give her the toy. She can't get everything she wants. Got it. Babe, you want to do something about her, please? Oh, I have to do something? Yeah, I'm trying to freaking drive us to the movies and they will not shut up. I spent all morning getting there. Well, I'm driving, so I can't do anything right now. Can't you pull over me? Yeah, I'm going to pull over. The movie starts at noon. I'm going to pull over right now. Remember, my duties ended this morning. Oh, did they end? I didn't think motherhood ended. That's perfect. And that's exactly how it would go. Man. 100%. 4.6%, just a little higher than that. Says that the arguments will be about driving too slowly. So one person wants the other to pick up the pace. 4.7%. Just a little higher. Bad radio selections. Woods, do you and Jamie fight about that or she just lets you do what you want? Exactly. Yeah. She knows who she married. She has zero say in what gets played in the car. Wow. And you know me.
I'm fine. I got my iPhone. What if you're driving? If I'm driving, you know, it doesn't matter. Okay, well, I'll tell you this. If we're in her car and I'm driving, there has to be the radio on. And it's usually what she wants to hear, usually. And if it isn't, it's little kid songs. Drives me up the freaking wall. Because it's a... Yo Gabba Gabba songs. Shoes. I got a new pair of shoes. Shoes. I got a new pair of shoes. I hear that 900 times. Or Mommy, can you play number seven? Mommy, can you play number seven? Mommy, can you play number seven? Babe, can you play number seven? Please play number seven.
I told Tommy to see Nancy. I told Nancy to see Grace. I told Nancy to do Thomas. Everybody likes it in music class. Wow, creepy. Creepy song. Lucky Thomas. Now, if I'm driving and we're in my car, nothing on. But what about the radio? Sound muted. Serial killer? I do what my father used to do. No radio. No sound. Don't want anything. Now, when I'm by myself, I'm listening. But if it's me and Rebecca in the car, Woods is in his coffin. He's officially gone back in his chair with arms crossed over his chest. We should talk. That's what psychopaths do. Psychopaths do that. You could talk and have the radio on at the same time. When Ted Bundy used to drive his girlfriend around, they listened to nothing. I'll tell you this, Woods. If she's in the car and there's going to be any conversation, I'm not going to hear it if there's...
The slightest thing I can't hear. You can't do. I'm like, what? What? What? You just have it low. What? In my car, it's always low. Then it's just annoying. Not if it's FM 94.9. It's just noise. It's noise. It doesn't matter what it is. Noise. 5% of couples will fight about bad parking. Oh, yeah. Just figuring this out, babe. Yeah, first time to park? It's a barge. Hey, did you see those seven spaces that you just blew past? You don't want to park there? That sucks. Oh, okay. Didn't have our name on it that way? We should just keep driving probably. Oh, this is the one. You think you're going to fit in this one? Hey, we should park further from Stater Brothers because I wanted to walk a mile and a half. Yeah, because are we in a Maserati? Right. Just going to park way in the back. Don't want to get this Suburban scratch? This 2001 Suburban? How about this one? You're pulling into the parking space, and your wife, who's a lot like Lauren, goes, it's not going to fit. And you go, it's fine. And then you go, you back up, you go, you back up, you go, you back up, and finally you go, and you go to another space. It's her fault. And she didn't want to say. Didn't she? Told you. Told you that. How about this, Mike, when you pull in and she goes. Oh, my God. Stop that. Listen. Listen.
When I get the... I have a rage and a boiling blood that goes from my toes to my brain. And I have to sit on my hands. Gets me. I think that gets everybody. Yeah, don't do that. When I'm making a maneuver and my wife Rebecca goes, oh, we're okay. It's a shutdown. When you do that, you make me cause... Yeah. You just scared the crap out of me. Please don't do that. Please don't. Sorry, it's just a reaction. I know, I know, babe, but please don't do it because it, you know. Hey, I can't help it. But you know how we, we've said it before, though. I know, it's just a, I'm not doing it on purpose. The number four thing couples fight about, in fact, 12% of couples will fight about being too aggressive while they're, to you, L.O.B.? That is me every time I'm in the car with Matt. Telling him he's too aggressive? Yes. Oh, my God. He is too aggressive. Are we talking about his driving? Yes. Here's the deal with L.O.B.
L.O.B. and I are very similar. We would like it done our way. Oh, man. If you don't do it our way, it's wrong. Highway. It's just not right. I really try to tune out. I try to be like, just let him go. But strangely enough, every time we go somewhere, I let him drive, even if it's my car. I'm like, you drive. And then I just sit there and go, babe, they're in the crosswalk. I see them in the crosswalk. He's an adult. Leave him alone. No, I try. I try. I try. You two aggressive woods, of course. Oh, my gosh. Dude, you shut up. There is nobody that drives faster than you. Nobody. You know, I don't think I've ever driven with Jay where he's driving. Follow that. Follow that SLB one time. Just one time follow that guy. You're running red lights. You're jumping curbs. You're like. I don't know where the restaurant is. I asked you for the directions. I got so mad the time I followed jail. He drives twice as fast as I can. He drives like an Arab in Manhattan in a cab. Gotta get there. It's the worst. I'm not as aggressive as I once was. Number three. 13% of couples fight about tailgating. You're falling too close to that person. Stop it.
This stuff, I'm not too aggressive out on tailgate. Number two, 18% of couples will toss about because of getting lost. Not me. There's nothing worse. I do not get lost. I either have GPS or I know where I'm going or I picture it in my brain. I can see it in my head. That's why I love to do directions that way. I can be on the phone with someone and I can say, how do you get there? And they go, Do you have something to write with? And I can go, mm-hmm. Because that's true. I'm not lying. I do have something to write with. But I'm not writing it down. They'll say, you take the 805 south. When you get to the 8, go east. When you get to El Cajon, get off on Grossmont. Lost you. You're going to take a left on Grossmont. And I'm in my head. I see it. I picture the whole deal. You lost me. You're going to see Lamps Plus. Take a right. Go up that hill. And just to the left. You're going to see Grossmont Hospital. And I go, got it. That's outstanding. But if you don't know the area, I mean, you have to know the area. Well, yes. That's a gift. If I were in El Paso, I couldn't do that. Yeah. Lamps Plus, what? Well, yeah. Lamps Plus is off Grossmont. I can picture it. But if it, Woodsy. Forget it. It still takes me GPS to get home from here. Number one thing. Number one thing couples fight about. 23% that were polled said this is it. Speeding.
That's it. That's the number one thing we fight about. Really? Speeding. You're going too fast. You're going too fast. Ella B, do you do that? Yes, and I find myself doing what my mom used to say to my dad. Easy, Leadfoot. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. So you say that to Matt. In the neighborhood. I don't care what he does on the freeway because I do like 90, but in the neighborhoods and up the driveway and stuff. Yeah. Slow down. Let's see. That's a true statement. Oh, no. I'm going to reach in. I'm going to pull out a statement. I'm going to read it. And then we're going to find out who wrote it. And then we're going to debate it. If you have one, call us. 570-1949. This one says, everyone is shallow. I said it. I believe that at some level, we're all shallow. Define shallow. Okay, shallow is?
It's about your looks. It's about your, it's about your looks, about your, maybe your money. It's about what you drive, but it doesn't have to be all of them. Right. But it's about something. Now, a lot of times it's something that we lack. It's something that we lack. Now, my wife to me is, she's absolutely perfect. She's absolutely perfect for me in every way. Now, I couldn't have married a woman that was not good looking. I was too insecure. I had to marry a woman that was good looking because I was too insecure about my own personal appearance. I was shallow. Turned out she was also loving, caring, good mom, all that stuff. But because I lacked in the looks department, she made up for it by being really gorgeous.
And you would have been embarrassed, I think, if you had married somebody that wasn't attractive. Yeah. You wouldn't want people to be like, oh, God, that's Mikey's wife. Well, it wasn't the Mikey thing. Right. But it was that guy. Is that his wife? Because that guy's not good looking and that's the best he could do. Right. Now people are like, that's Mikey's wife? That's a kidnapping. Yeah. Did he drug her? Is she on roof and all? Is she a leader of a cult? Oh, my gosh. She's blind. But see, here's the thing. That poor girl is wearing dark glasses because she's blind. She's blind. No, no, no. But here's the thing. We make up for it. You know? Like, I make up for it. Howard Stern once said, well, people say, the only reason they're with him is because he's Howard Stern. Well, yeah, but there's something to being Howard Stern. Sure. It means you're funny. It means you've got your intelligence. Something. You know? Smart person. Absolutely. Funny or whatever. L.O.B., do you agree that to some extent everyone is shallow? To some extent, but there's such a spectrum with that. Some people are way more shallow, but I would have to say everyone is to some degree. Woods doesn't. You don't even need to ask me. Of course I am. Of course I am. And Jay is too. Jay is too. For sure. 570-1949. Call me with something, give me a drastic statement, and say everyone is shallow. For instance.
Maybe your that's a true statement would be something like this. There will never be a woman president. That's a true statement. Too late. You got to back it up. You know, you got to back up what you, you know, you're saying something very bold. 570-1949. 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. There's new and then there's new. As in original. As in the reset button has been pressed. As in the 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class, backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class with technology like attention assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy. The E-Class continues to chart its own course. Ironically, one test drive reveals that all this new technology prompts an old reaction, amazement.
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Big rock causing delays on the 5 southbound before the Coronado Bridge. It's in the number 4 lane. And you've got some backup as you travel through Escondido on the 15 southbound between the 78 and Center City Parkway. This report brought to you by Mossy Nissan. Mossy Nissan's price-smashing superhero, Rock Bottom, is giving away an iPad. To enter to win, go to Mossy Nissan Rock Bottom's Facebook page or rockmossynissan.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his leg. On FM 94.9. That's a true statement. If you have a that's a true statement, call us right now. 570-1949.
Lady was arrested after allegedly throwing a German sausage at another woman during a fight. It happened in Des Moines, Iowa. And what happened was this woman, Tawana Banks, she came home and she got into an argument over the care of her daughter, which was the granddaughter of the woman that she got into a fight with. And she began to yell profanities. in an attempt to start a fight. And the woman refused to fight with her until Ms. Banks picked up a nearby bratwurst and threw it at her chest. You silly sausage. The police report noted grease marks. It's a true story. Grease marks on Ms. Jones' clothing. True story. Sounds like a party.
Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Oh, well, sorry to bring the mood down, but it was a very sad story. One of our Olympic athletes, Jarrett Peterson, was a skier. 29 years old, he won a silver medal in Vancouver, shot himself Monday in Utah, and he had just been arrested for a DUI in excessive speed, and they don't really know why he did it, but it's a very sad story. He is a silver medal winner for our United States of America. And also, this was an interesting story yesterday. Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown came out and said, hey, listen, congratulations to Carson Palmer. He's retired. We're not trading him. You can give us whatever you want. We're not trading him. They want him. They're calling his bluff. He said, if you don't trade me, I'm going to retire. He said, okay, have fun in retirement at 31. He's not going to. I bet he's right. He won't stay retired. I bet the team is right. Yeah. I bet he won't retire. No, he won't. They'll call his bluff, and I bet he won't retire. He might, just to try to prove his point and not look like a dummy, but he'll come right out. What do you think? I think he's a clown. And I said it on Facebook last night. I said, quote, he's a whiny bee. He is. You can't hold your breath until you get what you want. You signed a deal. Yeah, I agree. And that team may be bad. They may be terrible. But don't sign a long-term deal, Sally. That's a true statement, is what we're playing.
You call in, you say something bold, and you believe it's a true statement. M1 Harrison from San Diego. Hey, how's it going? Good. So, I mean, let me start off by saying this, and don't go off and say I'm crazy. The one thing my dad always taught me, he said that fat chicks are easy. Okay. All right. Okay. And don't ask dad. There's a reason for that. Son, fat chicks. I'm trying to imagine that conversation with your little boy. Son, sit down. Daddy has something to... Daddy has something to tell you. First of all, you know that Daddy loves Mommy very, very much. But you know that your Mommy is a runner. She's in wonderful shape. Mommy is not easy. What I mean by that is I couldn't score with her the first date. But what I want you to know, son, is that fat chicks are easy. What this means is they're loose. It means that if you take one out, son,
It's a surefire, it's a surefire thing. You will score. Score? Yeah. Junklewood's here to help. What's he tell him? Oh. He's six. That's a done deal, pal. Six. If they're a little hefty, you will score. That's a true statement. Is that how the conversation went, Harrison? You know, somewhat. I started talking. I told him, oh, dad, look at that girl. And he said, oh, she's a little sick. I said, yeah, you know, I like my women well fed. And, you know, I like them a little thick. And he said, okay, well, also keep in mind Harrison, you know. Harrison was 10, by the way, smoking a Marlboro. No, no, no, not yet. I think I was about 16 at that time. So smoking Camel Lights. Reds were too strong. No, I'm not a smoker. Okay. I'm not a smoker. But, yeah, so, I mean, that's one thing that I've kind of found.
Bigger chicks, I guess. And it could be about guys, too. If you're bigger, you kind of give in to temptation. Kind of submissive. If you see that chocolate bar, oh, no. I can't handle the fear of not having that. You know what? You kind of see what I'm saying? Yeah, they're grateful. Yeah, they are grateful. So you're saying that larger women are submissive? Yes. See, now I've seen some larger women that wear the pants. Ooh, they carry themselves well. Is that what you're saying? No, I'm not. Submissive to me means the others in charge. Yeah, no, I'm saying, yeah, definitely. Okay, and I'm telling you, man, I sure have seen a lot of large women that are in charge. Now, go ahead, Wiz. It makes sense to me because when I was in college and I, you know.
drank a lot, and sometimes things would happen. And I found that his hypothesis holds true. I've heard as much. I've never tried to court a big woman myself. Well, haven't you? I wasn't courting anyone, LMA. That's for sure. I understand what you're saying, where some of them can hold their place. Some of them are kind of aggressive. And one thing, I actually looked into this kind of research that I guess that fat produces... Estrogen, so that kind of deals with your emotions and stuff. Makes you crazy horny. LLB has her face in her hands. A lot of the emotions that a person may feel sometimes is totally amplified. So if they're horny or they're doing whatever, dude, times ten, you know? On the microphone, if they're upset, you know? The bigger girls were more giving. I'll give you that. That's right. They were more apt to. Do it. Oh, definitely. Do stuff. Okay, cool. Do you agree? Yeah, they were willing to... Explore. Explore. Discover. Yeah. Yes. I'll second that motion. I have no input. No input? Really? I'm sorry. I don't mean no thing. I've never slept with a fat girl. Oh, no. That's not the truth. That's not the truth. That's what you were saying. No, I'm just saying that, you know, I didn't find that they were any...
Easier. We called them slump busters. The old slump buster. I'm sorry, but it may have been on your part. It probably was on my part. Okay. Are you a handsome guy, Harrison? You know, I think I'm just a regular guy, just water polo, UCSD. Oh, yeah, that sounds regular to me. Just water polo, UCSD. Just a calendar model. Yeah. I was also a firefighter. Right. I'm actually a lifeguard. Yeah, of course. Yeah, just a regular old guy. Just a regular run of the mill. Listen, regular old guys have breasts, okay, like myself. Let me ask you a question, Harrison. Now, why the big girls, if a guy like you could probably, you know, Hook up with a real different type of girl. Well, you know, I'll tell you what. My girlfriend has been dating for about two years now. Absolutely gorgeous, tight-toned little body. It's wonderful. But I, you know, like I said, I think that she could. I personally. Wonderful. Absolutely spectacular. Just gorgeous, wonderful girl. And I'd probably see a little bit more on her because I've known her for two years.
Me, I feel my friends have kind of made fun of me like I'm a farmer or something. I'll tell her to eat because I want her to get thicker. I'm not asking about your girlfriend, Harrison. Excuse, excuse. Harrison, I'm not asking about your girlfriend now. What I'm asking you is, if you're a lifeguard and you're a water polo at UCSD, why would you go for the bigger girls anyway? Isn't a guy that looks like that capable of hooking up with a girl that doesn't look like that? Yeah. Does that mean that a tighter-toned girl is generally better? I have a preference for girls that might be a little bit thicker. Yeah. Well-fed. Well-fed. Yeah. I think he said well-fed. I think he did, too. But also well-fed. Well-fed. Also. Thank you for the call, Harrison. Really? Seriously? Disturbing, isn't it, LLB? Yeah. It's disturbing, you know? Although Matt did say to me once, I like you with a few more LBs on you after I had gained some weight and split my jeans open. That's when he said it? When you split the jeans? No, I split my jeans later that day because I was like, don't bring it up. I've gained so much weight. He's like, no, you haven't. And then later that day, I split my jeans. He said it when I sat on his lap, which called to attention that I was definitely feeling heavier than I had felt.
He sat on his lap and he said, you know what? I like you with a little more LBs. Like this? What? Describe. Describe it. Hit my saddlebag and said, you know what? I like you with a few more LBs on you. Did you think it was cute? Nope, I started crying. Poor Matt. That man has made this woman cry. L.O.B., if you had to put an actual number, how many times... Has your BFMC, your boyfriend Matt Carmers, made you cry? She's doing the math. We've been dating almost four years. Carry the one. It's about maybe like 1,400 days. That's about 1,400 days. Almost four years, so not quite. So probably about 1,200 times. Woods just went into his coffin. He put his head back. His eyes are closed.
And his arms are crossed over his chest. Woods is officially in his coffin. These are tears of joy as well. Yeah, four of them were tears of joy. 1196. 1,200. Give or take a few. Good Lord. Over 1,000 though, for sure. Well, yeah. And it's got to get to the point where it's just absolutely meaningless. The first few times he was like... oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what have I done? Now it's like, hey, can you hand me that cassette? Well, 90% of the time he doesn't see the tears. All right, here is a, here is a, that's a true statement. People are going to know this is me right away. Churches are a bit who wrote that. I did. Jay.
Churches are a bit. Churches are a bit. What does that mean? Wow. Okay. Oh, my God. So what other place comes to you time and time again for money? They're always hitting you up for money. I don't know. The utility company? Yeah, the utility company. But they build this giant building. It has to have all this stained glass. Really, you have to worship in a place that is like. All solid wood with, you know, marble and get pleased. Aren't there people that are, yeah, there's like marble slab coming on one side. It's a bit. And what are you talking about? The Vatican? I'm talking about the churches that I've been to. They're amazing. They have like marble and marble. And they also, they would hit you up. Like if you didn't come to church, like the pearl and gold. If you didn't come to church, they would still send you a letter in the mail saying, hey, are you going to send your offering in? You know, we still really want your money. Like, really? Say, aren't there kids out there that are starving on the street? Aren't there, you know, can't you just worship outside? Couldn't you, you know, meet? I have a question. We were talking to our consultant, and he's a radio consultant. His name is Randy. Randy says this. He goes, Mikey, I've got a suggestion for you. Don't talk about your religion anymore. I mean, it's annoying.
I mean, you've got to understand, Mikey. We get it. You're Christian. But if you talk about it all the time, people are just going to want to change the station. And so if I were you, I would not bring it up. Just avoid the topic altogether. Mikey, are you still there? Yeah! So what do I do now? Do I just stay quiet? Be honest. I'll be honest with you. Tell me what to do. Because I have an answer. Listen, there is part of me that agrees with that statement. But I have complete and total 100% answer to this. Okay. But maybe I shouldn't say it? No, I think you should. I'm not talking about religion. Churches are a bit. I've seen some churches that are bits. Bits. Okay. Can I talk? You should say the layers of why you think. Oh, I can go on, too. Let's just talk about what does the priest, what does he get paid? Like, for example, at a church like you go to. What does he get paid? Over $100,000? Can I explain? Does he? Over $100,000? Okay, here we go. Let me explain. Why is he getting so much? Let me explain.
Priests are in the Catholic Church. So you see a priest in a Catholic Church. Never seen marble at my church. In fact, my church had to expand to a bigger location and did it on such a shoestring budget that my wife was down installing telephone wires. And so they asked for volunteers within the church that knew how to do sheetrock and knew how to do stuff. To put in, run lines, wires, and stuff like that. And the reason they did it was because they wanted to be good stewards with the money. Yeah, yeah. Okay, now, in terms of asking for money, my church, the church that I go to, they don't go, they don't send anything to you that reminds you or anything like that. In fact, a lot of churches, because I speak at a lot of churches, a lot of churches that I go to, the money thing, that's their bit. And so they'll talk about it right up front. My church doesn't do that. They don't talk about money. Money isn't a thing to them. They don't talk about it. Now, giving money to the church is a biblical thing that is mentioned more times in the Bible than any other topic. Money. And the reason it's mentioned more than any other topic is because God knows how important it is to us. And so he...
In one place in the Bible, and only one place in the Bible, says, you can test me. God never says you can test me. But in one place in the Bible, he says, you can test me. And the way that you test me is, give 10% of your earnings to me. And watch how I will overflow your barns. And in another place in the Bible, he says, give the first fruits of your labor. OK, now I do that. And when you say, well, what about the what about the starving kids and the stuff like that? Well, if it's a good church, they got a lot of ministries going on. And so my church is tending to homeless people.
My church is building soup kitchens in Africa and Mexico. And North Coast Church is doing things within the community. We went out. We didn't go to church one Sunday because the whole weekend we went out and did over a million dollars worth of work out in the community because we got all the people that go to the church. And so what do you guys do? And we all went out and we were painting walls. We were making the community look better. And so. Yes, I would agree. Some churches are a bit, but the part about giving money, that's just a biblical thing. Now, some churches, they'll shove it down your throat and they'll want you to know it over and over. You know, you're supposed to be given 10%. You know, you're supposed to be good. The Bible says you're supposed to be given 10%. I would be very weary of the churches that are trying to stress that to you. However, my giving of 10% has nothing to do with the church. and has everything to do with obedience to God. He says for me to do this, I do it. It isn't mine in my opinion anyway. It doesn't belong to me. If he wanted to, and by the way, if I thought that, if I really thought it was all about me, and I'll challenge anybody here, if you think it's your money, today when you go home, walk into your living room, look up at the ceiling and go, guess what? It ain't yours. You don't believe me? Try to get it from me. I'm not willing to.
What if God's just a really good businessman? What do you mean? And that was his ploy to get money from people by putting that in the Bible. Yeah. What if it wasn't God who wrote the Bible? What if it was a man who wrote the Bible? That's what I'm saying. It wasn't. It was 40 dudes. And they're like, hey, look, check this out. What if they were all just entrepreneurs of the B.C.? They were entrepreneurs. We're going to take 10% of these people. Got a question. Got a question about that. Let's say they were all entrepreneurs that came up with this brilliant business plan. And the business plan is we have this thing that says you give 10%, which most people won't do anyway because they don't. Most people, the basket comes along and people throw a dollar in there. Some people take money out. Yeah. My old man used to do the... Reaching his wallet. Take out a dollar. And I remember at one time I go, that's all you're going to put in there? Do you do that ever? When I give it, it's either a five or a one. Yeah, for me, it comes right out of my check. I don't even see it. My parents put it in the envelope and I got smacked upside the head one time for saying, how much did you put in there? And what I have found in my life, by the way, just so you know, what I have found in my life is that...
That challenge that he issued, he was 100% right. Sure. And in my life, as I have done that out of obedience, he has overflown my barns. And he has absolutely given back tenfold where I'm doing ministries and I'm doing stuff. There's things that happen. And I told you the story once when I went to a church and I had to use the restroom. And I went to use the restroom and they wouldn't let me back in because they were filming. And I would have walked in front of the camera. And I looked at the guy and I go, but this is church. I'm at church. I'm at church. I want to be at church. He's like, sorry, pal. You got to wait. I had to wait outside. Absolutely. That church that Jay is talking about, churches like that, that's a bit. Yeah. Woods has been in my church. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Many times. North Coast church. And it ain't nothing like that. It is nothing like that. I mean, most churches. They don't have a venue that plays rock music and does half of the stuff that we do. And I'm really grateful. One question remains. Yes, Jay. How much does your pastor make? Nobody works for free, dude. Yeah, nobody works for free. And I don't know how much my pastor makes, but I will tell you this. I will tell you this. I know that my pastor takes his own salary and gives back 10% of it.
which he says and was saying seems kind of wacky, right? Like I'm making the money, but I'm giving 10% of it back. But in the big picture, it's pretty, you giving money is a great way to make money. And that's the true statement. And that's Susie Ormond. Why do half of the men ditch women nowadays? I'll tell you. Why do half of the men ditch their women? We'll tell you next. This is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. This Friday, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are playing at the Del Mar Racetrack.
Slightly Stupider at Cricket Wireless on the 30th. And the Bell Brigade play The Belly Up August 2nd. That's the next FM 94.96 dollar about the music show. Transfer at The Belly Up August 4th. You can see Weezer at the track August 6th. And the San Diego Music Awards are at Humphreys August 8th. Still to come this summer, Death Cab for Cutie, 311 and Sublime with Rome, Company of Thieves, Fitz and the Tantrums. Two nights of Thievery Corporation at House of Blues. That's September 7th and 8th. Plus, we just added a second night with Bon Iver. Yep, FM 94.9 presents Bon Iver at the Spreckles Theater. Now also September 17th. Tickets go on sale Friday. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. BMW Encinitas. Oh, are they the greatest. Now, listen, you can go check their inventory of what they have right now by going to BMW Encinitas dot com. Now, this is what I want to point out to you. The 2011 328 sedans are from the service loaner fleet. That's how BMW Encinitas can offer this sort of special payment deal. I don't know what you're driving, but whatever it is, is it do you like it as much as a 328 2011 BMW?
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Rated PG-13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Subway is celebrating summer with the smoky, savory, sweet flavor of barbecue pulled pork, slow-cooked pork with an irresistibly bold barbecue sauce. Subway. Eat fresh. Plus applicable tax. Limited time only. Price and participation may vary. To buy California Citrus Pest and Disease Prevention. Save your citrus. The Asian citrus psyllid can carry a disease that will kill your citrus trees. Visit CaliforniaCitrusThreat.org to learn how you can protect your backyard tree. Well, it looks like we've got some backup here this morning as you travel on to the 78 eastbound right before Rancho Santa Fe Road due to a disabled car. Also, a lot of slowing in different areas. Escondido on the 15 southbound between the 78 Center City Parkway stop and go. eastbound before barm drive there's a dead animal it's in the number three lane i don't know what it is but it's dead the 805 northbound before uh the 52 an accident two car crash there this report brought to you by exxon mobile at exxon and mobile their smart gasoline works at the molecular level to help remove deposits so your car runs cleaner it's one more way they make gas work harder for you i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9
Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. Had to sneeze. And Jake. No, I didn't cry. I'm a man. On FM 94.9. Why do half of the men ditch their ladies? You're red. What's the matter? Look at his face. I know. I didn't do anything to him this time. I swear. I didn't hit him. I didn't shoot him. I didn't stab him. I have $100 that says it's Jay. I have $100 that says it was not me. It's not Jay. There you go. Hunt it up. It's not Adam either. It's something that I did to embarrass myself and every person possibly on this show. I just went to the restroom.
That is embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. I thought that Mike was in the restroom going number two. And I might have poked my head over the top and said, hey, buddy. There might have been an Asian going number two. If the police come in and arrest me for being a sex offender, that's what happened. So was it Mike? Unless Mike is a very thin, demure Asian, then no, it wasn't Mike. What did he say back? Nothing. What did he do? He looked at me like I was a rapist. You are a rapist. And I ran out of there. And that's when I ran into you in the hallway. That's why I was so about to vomit in my hand. Why would you even want to see that? Yeah.
I like to make people uncomfortable. Usually Mike. I like to make Mike uncomfortable. I don't like to make Asians that are going poo uncomfortable. A, that would have made my soul leave my body. Yes, which is why I would have done it. Why I did it. B, it's so out of the realm of appropriate. Fair enough. You're talking about me here. It is wholly inappropriate. Wow. Oh, my God. Now, he does not work on this floor. Because you saw that guy. Same guy yesterday, around the same time, going poo in our bathroom. Maybe that'll teach him a lesson. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Maybe he'll... My heart is beating so fast because I don't want you to get in trouble. I'm not going to get in trouble. You're not? Aren't you? No, who's going to tell? I saw the guy yesterday. He was wearing Crocs, so he kind of had it coming. Fair enough. He did not have Crocs on today. What did you do?
He was in the big boy stall, the big one, the handicap stall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went to the other one. I stood on the toilet, and I poked my head right over, and I go, hey, buddy. And he looked up like, oh, my God, there's a guy looking at me. And I go, oops, sorry. And I dropped, and I ran out of there. Oh, my gosh. Was he scared? Yeah, he was scared to death. His eyes were wide. Oh, gosh. You guys are so strange. Maybe that's the end of the bathroom. I would not do that. Maybe that's the end of the bathroom bit. Yes. No more bits. Learn your list. No more bits. Maybe that's... Should that be the end? No more bits. Or maybe we do more bathroom bits. Oh, gosh. I feel like you deserve that one. Let's see how far we can push the envelope. Hand me those. What? Those. These? Tums? The Tums? Those are like candy. They're delicious. So, if you're listening, I'm sorry and sayonara. Oh. I'll make it better. Bonsai. What? What? No? No. Too soon? Yes. Just not even. Thank you, Nagasaki. No. Tune in Tokyo. That's not. That's not helping me. Why do you assume he's Japanese? Something. Filipino, maybe. Oh, boy. Let's just. Asian. He was Asian. Yeah. Funny.
Don't do that anymore. I don't want to get us kicked out of here. I would have been so upset. If a stranger did that to you? Or if Woods did that to you? happening. I would have been hurt. I would have been sad and I'd have been very, very fearful. My heart is racing. Well, how I got the idea is the other day, I was in there doing some business and our own Jason R. Isbell, I look up and there's a freaking camera phone over the deal. He took a picture of me when I was going number two. I had to snatch the phone from his hand and delete the picture. Don't say snatch. If somebody is in the women's room doing their business, I pivot on one foot and go out. Yeah, women don't generally peek over to other women as a joke and say, hey, buddy. I don't even want to be in there. You guys are weird. The picture is pretty funny, though. My heart is racing. Oh, my God. I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Imagine that poor guy. Somebody's knocking on the door. B-ass. I swear. There's someone knocking on the studio door?
Shut up. If that's somebody and we're in trouble, Woods, who was it? Nobody. Oh, my God. All right, I'm done. Oh, gosh, I have heartburn. No more bits. I was right about to say something. Girls, guys leaving girls. Why? You teased it. You teased guys leaving girls. No, it was about this. It was about this. What could happen to me? Oh, I know what I was going to say. I know what I was going to say. I was going to say that the chief executive officer of this company had to approve Stephen R. Woods to be hired here. Now, the reason that I wanted Woods on the show is because I knew he'd be great. Why?
genuine character. He's a character. He's wild. He's crazy. To the point where sometimes it makes me a little anxious and, you know, uncomfy. But, I know talent when I see it. And they ran his, what do you call it? Background check. Now, he's drug free. He didn't have any drugs. Correct. But, he doesn't do drugs. He doesn't do drugs. But they ran a background check on him. And there were a couple of Blemishes. Blemishes. That's a great word. Yes. There were a couple of blemishes in his past. Correct. You know, that had to do with things like disorderly conduct and such. And, you know, we don't have to go into the whole rap sheet. Reckless conduct. Yes. And so, and so. DUI. I wasn't going to say the things, Woods. Oh. Because I wanted to.
Spare you. That's all right. I don't get embarrassed. Oh. Your past makes you who you are, pal. Yeah. And so, you crooky sheriff. By past, I mean Saturday. Right. And so, well, you didn't drive. That's a good thing. You were home. Never do, pal. Yeah. But it went to the chief executive officer. Yes. Usually what happens is the general manager is able to approve things. Right. But this was to the point where they said, well. He's got a couple of blemishes here. And so maybe we should take this higher. So they did. They took it to the director of programming in Atlanta. Right. Who said, I don't know. I think that maybe we should take this higher. And it went to our chief executive officer, the CEO. And he called me and I was on a conference call with Garrett.
And our general manager, Rick. And they wanted to know what I, and they said, one of them used a curse word. And he said, I don't want any F wording around. I want to know, is this guy all right? And I thought that was very strong language. Very strong wording. Trying to prove a point. And trying to prove a point. And so I said to myself, well, I better ask myself. And I said. Yes, he is. Yes, he is. I can vouch for this. Yes, he is. Okay. He is okay. No more funny business. This guy is a serious man. He is legitimate. He is a serious man. And never will he peek over a stall of an Asian man while that man is defecating and say to him, quote,
Hey, buddy. I can almost guarantee it. Here we are. Here we are. Yeah. That was then and this is now. That was then. Wow. Times they are changing. Oh, Woods, you are shot out of a cannon. It's a true statement. Stop and go, pal. When he gets nervous, he puts on either hand sanitizer or lotion. Oh my goodness. My hands are very soft today. Let's play, let's, instead of, okay, half of the men would ditch their women if they gained weight. That's the answer. Oh, easy. What? I said easy. Easy, what do you mean? I mean, that makes sense. What? What do you, clearly. Hey, Swift. I agree. How much weight we talking here? Colorful. You're fat.
How much weight are we talking? Yeah, how much weight are we talking? I think a lot of women would ditch their men if they got too fat, too. Absolutely. I think it goes both ways. Not all of them. No. Nope. Actually, that's not true. Okay. Color me embarrassed. Again. Men are more concerned with their partner's body type than women, but they also seem to value family more. Nearly half of 700, excuse me, nearly half of 70,000 people responded to this. And the men said that they would ditch their partner if they gained weight compared to only 20% of women that said the same thing. Who lied. Okay. I don't believe the women are lying. I believe the women are telling the truth. Two-thirds of the men also said that they had fantasized about their partner's friends while one-third of the women had done so. One-third. Which, by the way, surprises me.
I'm surprised that even a third of women had done such a thing. So dastardly. Are you in your mind wondering which of your friends, Rebecca, your wife has fantasized about? Not until now. At this very moment, that is what you're wondering. But now that you've posited the question, I suppose I am. I wonder which of your friends that your wife, Jamie, I'm right here, guys. I can hear you talking. I have a good idea. Probably Bauman. No, not her type. But I have a couple that I'm sure she's like, ooh, mamacita. Maybe J. Rose. Probably J. Rose. Yeah. Man of mystery. Well, it's a pretend friend that Woods made up. Every time Woods doesn't want to do something with any of us, oh, old J. Rose is coming down from L.A. Such BS.
It's a real guy. I can't, dude. J. Rose is in trouble. It's a real guy. We're hanging out this weekend. It's a real guy. Mikey even went so far to say that I put J. Rose's number in Jamie's phone. And when I want to get out of something with Mike, I have Jamie text me. It's J. Rose. It's a good bit. 39% of men said, yeah, the thing that gives me the ultimate status symbol is a family. It's the ultimate status symbol. 39% of men said that is the ultimate status symbol. Well, wait a minute, Woods. Is it for you? It would be pretty badass to have a family. But is that the ultimate status symbol for you? No. Okay, for 39% of men, that's what it is. By contrast, L.O.B., what do you think 43% of women said, this is the status symbol for me? A nice home. That's it. Bam. Look at you. She's a chick, man. She's a chick through and through. Now, that wouldn't be mine. It would be my career. Why are you freaking Gloria Allred over here? I know some women would feel that way. Too much upkeep, git. 6.5% of men said a beautiful home. In contrast. I'd like a beautiful home. That'd probably be mine.
One quarter of the women named a successful partner as a top status symbol. A quarter of the women. So that means that if I lose this gig, it's over. I want to go back to the question of how fat does your wife have to be for you to leave her? Well, first of all, if you're talking to me. Can't get fat enough. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's not about. Something like that. How much? 10, 15 pounds. What? I'm just tizzin'. I'm just what? Tizzin'. Tizzled. I'm just tizzled. I'm just tizzin'. Tazzy, y'all. I'm just tizzin'. I'm just tizzin'. I mean, listen. I don't know. I couldn't leave my wife, even if she put on 100 pounds. It would be rough, but... Every woman puts on a lot of weight, and men stay married to them. Say 100 pounds. Every woman? No, they don't. They're very... Listen, Jay. Most ladies...
We'll put on weight as they get older. As will most men as well. Yeah, but what's the point? They don't take care of themselves, they do. Why even say, as will men? Why don't you point out statistics about dogs? We weren't talking about dogs. We were talking about women. It's implying that women are the ones that are not aging well. No, you made that a jump. All I gave you was... A statement. Well, color me wrong. Which is that as women get older, they'll gain weight. Most of them. Most of them. Jay's wife did not. And my wife is not. And your mom has not. But a lot of women do. Most women. I would say that most women. In fact, if you had to put a percentage to it, what do you think it would be? 87. Compared to when they were in their 20s. Well, yeah. Well, yeah, everybody puts a little on here and there. But see, the deal is genetics. The deal is genetics. I think it's eating right and exercising. I surf and skate. I'd rather be surfing or skating. I'd rather be surfing or skating. Any day. Putting on weight any day. Mike, I don't like to put weight on. For you, it's a fetish. Okay? You're your own chubby chaser. Yeah. Yeah, for you, it's like a hobby.
Like you're on websites with just pieces of cake on it. But I'm not as into it as you are. I'm into some weird stuff. Don't get me wrong, y'all. Oh, yeah. I mean, weird. German-type stuff. And some Japanese. Even some anime from time to time. But I don't go to Cheesecake Factory to do my thing, all right? I don't go to Cheesecake Factory just to look. Well, first of all, Mike, unlike you, I've never stolen a Cheesecake Factory menu. Self-inflation is just not my thing. It ain't it. It's not what I'm into. Self-inflation. It ain't my fetish. It ain't my fetish. I like girls. I like Playboy. Pit house. I know you. There's a place Rebecca don't know about. It's got Cheesecake Factory menu, IHOP. Denny's. Denny's, original pancake house. You call it.
Your stash. A stash of menus under the mattress. Rebecca's like, babe, what are all these menus? What? Stop looking under the mattress. What are you doing under there? Those aren't mine. They're probably Jake's. Jake left them here. What is this I see? That's probably Jake's menus. Applebee's. I thought you didn't like Applebee's. I don't, babe. That's not mine. Oh, Olive Garden. I see you creep. You're a creep. Long John Silver? What kind of creep are you? I'm talking to a kid and I took that from him because I didn't want him looking at it. What kid likes Long John Silver? When we come back, we're going to play I'm Glad You Ask. When we come back, we're going to play I'm Glad You Ask. How's our chance? Let's do it. More from The Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. You know, for a limited time, you get U-verse TV for only $29 a month. Six months, DVR included. How great is that?
Now, if you ever have too many shows to schedule at the same time, you know what this is about. For instance, maybe you got something. Your wife has something different that she likes to watch. And you guys like to watch different things. If that's the case, you got to get hooked up with Youverse. $29 a month, six months. It includes the DVR. You can record up to four different shows at once. You can record and play back your shows from any room in your house. It's pretty great. Now, if this sounds like something you're interested in, give them a call and mention The Mikey Show. 877-ONLY-ATT. Give them a call today. Go into one of the stores or you can go out online. att.com slash TV. But you want to get in on this sooner rather than later. It's AT&T U-verse. Geographic and service restrictions apply. Price for U-Family TV. New customers only. After promotional period, standard rates apply. Taxes and other charges apply. Offer ends 11-5-2011. Access to HD at additional cost. I'm test driving a BMW 3 Series right now and enjoying the speed and the power. It has more of both than its top rivals from Audi and Mercedes. So even meeting a friend for lunch makes for a great day. Ah, not so great day for that guy. Pulled over with smoke coming out of his hood. Luckily, 3 Series drivers never worry about repair bills. With BMW's no-cost maintenance, you pay for nothing from brake pads to wiper blades. That can save you thousands. What's up, Scott? En route.
Well, I'm not. I think my car just imploded. That was you? I just passed you. Yeah, that was me. I'm the tall, angry guy next to my car. I'll be right there. I'll buy you lunch. For some peace of mind, test drive a 3 Series at a BMW center today. For ultimate service details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. For a limited time, lease the BMW 328i sedan for $359 a month. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. This Saturday, July 30th, reggae sensation Ziggy Marley makes his return to Del Mar. It's the Ziggy Marley Salutes Legends of Reggae Concert and Beer Fest. Enjoy the coolest suds and rock to the rhythm of Ziggy Marley in an all-star roots reggae lineup. Free with racetrack admission or $20 after the last race. Saturday, July 30th, presented by Heineken, an 18 and up concert. Down at Old Del Mar.
Del Mar, cool as ever. They say that the sense of smell is the most evocative of all the senses, which means lingering somewhere in your brain's memory center is a smell that always makes me. And there's a very good chance that smell is attached to some sort of food. Maybe it's your grandmother's rhubarb cobbler or your dad's special omelet or the grilled cheese and tomato sandwich your sister made on your parents' bowling night. So Kaiser Permanente suggests, why not cook it for yourself? Fill your kitchen with a smell that you remember. Bake that cobbler in Nana's memory. Invite your sister over for a grilled cheese. Dig out your family's favorite recipes. While cooking can be therapeutic, cooking with a meaningful recipe is a moving experience. It's a visit with old friends, long-gone relatives, a way to sit down at a table with your past. And it smells so good. Kaiser Permanente invites you to cook something you remember and thrive.
Visit kp.org slash thrive and click on cooking and eating. Hey, man. Long time no see. How's life? Oh, all I do is study for the bar exam. 200 questions, four hours. This thing's going to be brutal. Really? Mine was only two questions. It took me about a minute. What? Huh? Here, let me quiz you. Take a look at my Coors Light. Okay. What does this bar mean? The Coors Light's cold? On the nose. And this bar? Means it's super cold? Boom, friend! You just passed the bar exam! Yes! New super cold activation from Frost Brewed Coors Light. With two stages, now you'll know when your beer goes from cold to super cold. Well, I'm all out. You up for another bar exam? Absolutely. Getting educated. Frost-brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. This Friday, don't miss the Del Mar Friday Concert Series. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club will be headlining the new seaside stage west of the grandstands. Don't miss the second show of the season at Del Mar. Friday with Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Things come to those who wait. And if you've been waiting to get a BMW 3 Series, now you can. The BMW Encinitas demo sales drive is back.
Save thousands on our entire fleet of pre-owned service loaners, like on a 2011 BMW 328 iSedan. Lease for only $249 a month plus tax. Only $249 a month. Or lease a 2011 BMW 335 iSedan for just $339 a month plus tax. Just $339 a month. Plus, you'll get the remainder of BMW's comprehensive four-year 50,000-mile limited warranty and maintenance only at BMW Encinitas.com. On Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real, click BMWEncinitas.com. Now you can. Warranty terms and conditions available. See store for details. 335i number BE435499. 328i5 to choose. 36 month lease. 39.90 plus first month's payment tax and registration to its signing. Zero security deposit. 20 cents per excess mile over 30,000 miles with above average credit. Offer ends 8-31-11. Mary lost her mastiff name Marbles. She also lost her keys. And where was the leash? Thankfully one thing wasn't missing. The ink. With HP Multipack she printed oodles of missing posters for all her missing things. But then she found Marbles.
with her keys and his leash. She didn't need all that HP ink after all, but she was happy she had it because you just never know when you'll lose your marbles. Print more and save up to 10% with everyday pricing with HP Multipacks, founded a retailer near you. HP, hit print. Compared to single standard HP ink cartridges based on average retail pricing. At Miller Lite, we believe if you're not choosing a light beer with more taste, you need to man up, not man down, because up is way better than down. You don't tell someone sad to cheer down. What's down, dog? A steamy pile and you just stepped in it. Your girlfriend's not wearing a push-down bra. It's called gravity, Isaac Nitwit. Can I be down front with you? All this down talk is bringing me down. So don't man down, man up. And choose a light beer with more taste. Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste greatness. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Great beer, great responsibility. Wells Fargo. Call, click, or stop by Wells Fargo today. Together, we'll go far. Dave & Buster's, the only place to eat, drink, and play. Visit a location near you to play games half price every Wednesday from open to close. Escape into play. This report brought to you by Carfax. What's more newsworthy than a talking fox? How about a free Carfax report?
Get one from your used car dealer before you buy. Just say show me the Carfax or you can visit Carfax.com. Well, we've had a lot of slowing this morning, different areas. The 5 southbound between Poinsettia Lane and Loma Santa Fe Drive. It's in the teens as well as the 805 northbound between the 163 and the 52. There is an accident here on the 5 northbound after the bridge. Two cars there in the center divider and the 805 northbound before the 52, a two-car accident. This report also brought to you by Office Depot. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business? Depot does. Plus, now at Office Depot, pocket folders are just $0.25. Limit 10 expires July 30th. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. Hello, mate. It's Rob Halford here. Hi, Rob. You know I live up in North Park. I do know that, yeah. Why don't you come meet me for a cocktail sometime? I don't drink. How about iced tea? I just quit iced tea. All I drink now is water. Can I get you a tampon, mate? A tampon? Why is that? You quit drinking, then you quit drinking iced tea. You're off caffeine, too. No, I actually still drink caffeine.
Why do you have a gag ball in your mouth? Because, like I said already, I'm Rob Halford. All right. But you're wearing a complete leather outfit that is a sort of... That's right. You're wearing an S&M outfit. I'm going to get groceries. Okay, got it, got it, got it. So you're going to Vaughn's. Correct. Did you know that your chest hair is white? It's starting to braid itself, too. It's starting to kind of red up. Yeah. If this were an election, you may not be voted in. That's all I'm saying. That's a true statement. That's all I'm saying. I really enjoyed that game you guys played earlier. Thank you. Halford would say, by the way, looking over a stall at an Asian guy is really weird. It's weird. It's very weird. Let me tell you something. I've done some weird things in my day. Very much. All right? You know, we were talking about this a while back, this creep that walked into the Starbucks.
in Horton Plaza. Went in at 5.30 in the morning and ended up throwing hot water on a female employee in her mid-20s. Well, yesterday, it took all of a couple of hours to convict this guy. And he is going to do a year in jail for what he did. Good. Yeah, good. And ABC says, we will no longer pay what we call licensing fees. Now, most people hear licensing fees and think to themselves, sounds pretty standard. I don't know what it is, but whatever it is, sounds like something that you would do in the news. What it is is paying for interviews. Wow. Paying for interviews. Really? They call it licensing fees. For instance, I'll give you one. They paid, back in 2008, they paid Casey Anthony a licensing fee of $200,000 to interview her. Oh. Wow. They also paid a licensing fee of $10,000 to $15,000 to Megan Brouchard. She's the woman that had the pictures of Anthony Weiner. And they paid her $15,000 for said pictures. Weiner time. Woods, what's going on in sports? Let me first say that I am open for licensing fees. If anybody wants to sling some licensing fees my way.
I'd be happy to take you up on it. Padres had a not great day yesterday. Their winning streak of one is now over and starts again. They lost the Diamondbacks 6-1. Very weird night. Orlando Hudson thought there were three outs, flipped the ball into the stands. Oh, no! It wasn't three outs. We suck again! It's not good. People kept running, so that's not good. They will take on the Diamondbacks today at 7.05. It's Ian Kennedy against Corey Lubke. There you go. All right. This is M1 Scott from Coronado. What was the word of the day? It was election. That is correct. You just won a very big prize, my friend. You're going to see L.A. rising at the L.A. Coliseum along with Rage Against the Machine, Muse, Rise Against, and Ms. Lauren Hill. And we're giving you tickets to see Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow August 2nd at Cricket. Dang. Very nice. Thank you. That's right. That's a haul. Hang on the line. Ever just play Cash Cab with your four-year-old every day? Me too. Welcome to the Cash Cab. Today, you've got an option. We're going to be traveling 16 blocks, and you can win a lot of money. Of course, the catch is that if you get three wrong, then, of course, you're out. Yay. You ask questions. He loves the Cash Cab. Yes. Can you make him get out of the car and walk the rest of the way? Exactly. Do you have to pay you, too, at the end? No, I pay him. I'm the host. So they don't have to pay their fare? No. And they make money. They make money. Yeah. Yeah.
So I'll ask him questions that he knows, like, what color is mommy's hair? Once again, the question is, what color is mommy's hair? And he says, I'd like to use a mobile shout out. And I say, OK. So he pretends he's on the phone and he goes, hello. And I go, hello. And he goes, what's the question again? And I said, you have to remember it. And he instantly remembers. He was doing a bit. He was doing a bit that he saw. He never forgot it. He never forgot it in the first place. Doing a bit. He says, what color is mommy's hair? And I said, hmm, I think it's blonde. And he goes, do you have an answer yet? It's blonde. That is correct. And he does the sounds himself. Glung. Glung. Glung. I've played it with him a few times. It's hysterical. It's glung. Glung. Glung. Hello, Angel. Okay. So, we're going to play I'm Glad You Ask. Now, this is the way I'm Glad You Ask works. You have to imagine a child. What? And the child is being taught by Uncle Jay.
what something is. Now, the reason that we've picked Uncle Jay for this is because, as you know, sometimes Uncle Jay can get tongue-tied and also sometimes Uncle Jay has a difficult time articulating certain points. It's hard for him to try to find the words. How do I articulate this? So, as everyone here in the studio can see, we have a cup called. I'm glad. You ask. I'm reaching in, and today you're going to be, and the kids, by the way, are me, Woods, and Ella B. Everybody knows that. The children. Jay? Yes? Can you tell us, what's a bungee cord? I'm glad you asked. A bungee cord is a lot of rubber bands. tied together. You mean rubber bands like the type they put around the newspaper? Yeah. It's like a whole bunch of rubber bands and they're all tied together. How many? Oh, thousands. So is it a really, really long train of rubber bands? It's just a bunch of rubber bands. But is it really rubber bands? Yes. And then they put hooks on both ends so it can stretch and connect things like tarps. What does connect mean? It means you hook it to one side and you hook it to the other side.
A hook is like your mother is a hooker. That's your wife, Dad. Yeah, Dad. That's a wife that's going to probably kick your butt. Your mother is a hooker. A hook is used to attach things at both ends. Hey, Dad. Yes? Somebody told me it's not rubber bands. It is. Okay. And it has a fabric outside to protect the rubber bands. What's fabric? What is? Fabric's like what your shirt's made out of. It's real stretchy. Got it. So is a shirt wrapped around rubber bands? It basically is, honey. Weird. Doesn't make any sense. I would want that. At all. With two mommies on the end? All right, let's see. I'm reaching into the I'm glad you asked cup. Daddy, who was William Shakespeare? I'm really glad you asked. Yes, who was William Shakespeare, Daddy? William Shakespeare. Yes, Dad. Was a known playwright. What's a playwright? What's a playwright? He would write stories in his little book, and then he would...
have people come in and act out the parts. What does that mean? Daddy, when? You know, like on your cartoons, where Bugs Bunny and Jaffy Duck and all these guys, those are actors. William Shakespeare made cartoons. Yes, he did. Wait, when did William Shakespeare live, Dad? Oh, gosh, it had to be the 1800s. Where is he from? Shakespearean land. Where is that? It must have been England. I'm going to say London, England. He was from London, England and he made cartoons. In the 1800s. No. What he did was he wrote plays. Yes. But what is that dad? What is a play? People. You know what people are. So people are plays. People would come in and they would pretend to be the people in his story. Can you name anything? That he ever wrote, Daddy? Or any of the people. Wow, Romeo and Juliet? There you go. That's a good one, Dad. I like that. Could you name one more? Daddy, I'll give you a billion dollars. Daddy, I'll give you one billion dollars in cash if you can give me one more play that William Shakespeare wrote. No, that's not his. That's my favorite bit in the world. Thank you, Daddy.
You're welcome, son. You're a wonderful dad. We'll get Daddy a beer. We need it after that. Mom is a hook. Your mom is a hook. Er. Er. Er? Let's see. It's outstanding. I could play that for hours. Very informative. All right, finish this sentence. 570-1949. I thought she was so sweet and innocent until she blanked. I thought she was so sweet and innocent until she blanked. I can give you one. I thought L.O.B. was so sweet and innocent until she got up at our Christmas party in front of all the employees and sang Bonnie Hart's Total Eclipse of the Heart, like from old school, and in front of our general manager, HR person, and the entire staff of this building very demurely began to sing Total Eclipse of the Heart and added the F word.
Really strongly. Several times. And when I say strongly, I mean a mighty, mighty wind came from her voice, her vocal cords. And it was so strange because the people that were in the audience for a second went, did she? No. And then they went, I think she and she was standing. With the microphone and she was holding the microphone in both hands with her head down like she was real shy. So I thought she was very sweet and innocent until she did her sex pervert version of Total Clips of the Heart. So I lasted about a week on the job of you thinking I was sweet and innocent. Yes. Exactly a week. That is a true fact. 570-1949.
So you thought that this girl was really sweet, real innocent, very demure. But then maybe she did something and you were like, wow, I didn't expect that. Rebecca was very sweet and demure. But had she not kissed me first, probably wouldn't have happened. And she did. She raped me. Oh, strong. She, at a red light, attacked me. How drunk is she? Girl, how drunk is you? Wow. That's a true story. If it hadn't happened, if she didn't do it, I wouldn't have done it. You would have texted it to her. Kiss. Smooch. Smooch. XO. So Kim is this dainty little flower. We were at this birthday party and...
She and her girlfriend, it wasn't their birthday party. She and her girlfriend got in a fight and smeared cake in each other. I mean, it was not the fun, hey, there's a little cake in your face. Angry. Angry cake. Angry cake smear. I was just stood back. They were serious. Nita, our Hungarian nanny, has a phrase. It's a Hungarian phrase, but translated into English, it means little bunnies jump high. And it means that the most shy and demure and... quiet and innocent looking ones are usually the craziest ones. The unassuming ones. The unassuming ones are usually the ones that do the crazy stuff. Like the wet t-shirt contest. A hundred percent. A lot of Catholic school girls in those. Yeah. Right on. Well, you've known girls that go to the Catholic school bit.
But then afterwards, now, listen, there's a lot of girls that go to the Catholic school bed that are the straight and narrow. But there's some of them, they're pent up. And they go, you know, they wile out. They've got the uniform already, so might as well use it. Oh, wow. Might as well use it. I went to a Catholic college in South Bend, Indiana that was surrounded by two other Catholic colleges. So pretty good for all of everybody. Stuff went down. 570-1949. I thought she was so sweet and innocent, but then she blanked. Let's see. Oh, this is good. Apparently, a 62-year-old nudist was hurt on a jet ski. Now, they were both 62 years old. Oh, God. Man and wife. They were in Florida over the weekend.
We're borrowing a jet ski from a friend and they were nude jet skiing together. Maybe you don't return it to me if you borrow it and ride it nude. Maybe I don't want that on there. Maybe there's not enough bleach in the world. Maybe I have to wear a hazmat suit when I then drive it again. Maybe I pay to have the seat changed. You think her boobs were blowing behind her in the wind? Say that three times fast. What a visual, dude. Well. Kept circling because he thought they were buoys. As they cruised around completely naked near the Cypress Cove nudist resort. It's a good one. Is that a good one? That's one of the better ones? CCNR. CCNR. CCNR. They ended up crashing. The woman had some cuts and bruises. You know, they had some stuff, but the story says. from the Orlando Sentinel that all of their, quote, naughty parts were unscathed. But again, 62-year-old nudists. This won't be too hard for him. He's like, hello, hello, this is me, Jason R. Isabel. Hi, is this one of the 62-year-old nudists? Yes, it is.
Hi, Mr. 62-year-old Floridian nudist. Hello, and how are you? I'm fine. You must be from Cleveland. Maybe. Well, are you a snowbird? Have you transferred from Cleveland to... I'm a snowbird, yes, and I've transferred, and I'm ready for the bluebird special. Okay. Hey, Florida nudist old guy. Yes, sir. What were you thinking? How did you crash? A telewhacker got caught in the handlebars. This is Story of the J. That'll do it. Thank you. Floridian 62-year-old nudist. Sounds like a newscaster. The weatherman. Hello. Hello. Let's see. 5701949 is our number. Do you guys know who Mark Paul Gosler is? Zach Morris. Zach Morris is correct. Mark Paul Gosler says on Lopez Tonight the following. Wow. Family doesn't like to get high. It's just, you know, when you're in Holland and you're in Amsterdam, it's like it's, you know, when you're in Rome kind of thing. It's like you're in Holland. It's like you just go to a hash bar and you order your coffee and, hey, I'll take one of those, you know, whatever that is up there. I've done that. I think the last time that I was in Amsterdam with my parents was when I was 18 and I was with my mother.
And we got high together. She'll deny it. Oh, my gosh. That would be the creepiest thing in the world. I don't want to think about my mom. Oh, my gosh. Your mom would be very giggly. That is a true story. Already very giggly. That is a true story. Why would that be weird? I'm just trying to get a grasp on what this is. So if it's legal. Jay is curious. Why would it be weird doing drugs with your parents? Well, okay, drinking a beer with your mom and dad. It's not illegal. Well, it's not illegal over there. So why is it weird? Over there it's not. It's not illegal. There are some countries where you can, like, do stuff with underage people, but... I ain't going to go there with my dad and be like, hey, dad, when in Thailand, dad? I think that's a little different. I'm not talking about having sex with your parents in the room. What I'm talking about is it's like over there, it's like you're drinking a beer. It's legal. But can't you admit it would be weird to see your parents high? Yes. It's like seeing your parents drunk. I would do it with my parents if we were over in Amsterdam. It would be a blast. Me and M1 Hawk? Yeah.
I would love to see him. When in Rome, pal. You would want to see your dad. Yeah, more than anything. Not me. Me either. Be worried about them. Oh, I got it. I want to keep the same image of him. I don't want to see my dad high on marijuana. I do. More than anything. Those days are behind my father. In fact, didn't they do that in that awful movie you took us to, Woods? Youth and Revolt? Oh, yeah. Oh, you're such a Sally. European Revolver, was it called? Yeah, remember that movie, European Revolt? So good. Let's make some noise in here with our lives. How bad do you hate a Monday? There's actually some stats out on this that I think you'll like. What time does the average person smile? It takes until a certain time on Monday for the average person to even smile. And I'll tell you what time that is next. The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Do you find yourself staring whenever a Jeep vehicle drives by? Do you wonder where it's been? Where it's going next? Do you say to yourself, someday, when the time is right, that's going to be me? Say hello to someday. Now you can get great deals on the new Jeep vehicle of your choice, including the newly designed Compass, the newly refined Patriot, the Versatile Liberty.
the iconic Wrangler, and the most luxurious and capable Grand Cherokee ever. It's time for other people to wonder where you're going next in your new Jeep vehicle, now at the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram summer clearance event. For the first time ever, get 0% APR for 60 months or 1,000 cash allowance on the 2011 Jeep Wrangler and Wrangler Unlimited. 0% APR financing for 60 months equals $16.67 per month for 1,000 finance for well-qualified buyers regardless of down payment when financed through Ally. Not all buyers will qualify. Offer ends 9-6. Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. This is the sound of Jim's Chase Mortgage. This is the sound of Sean's Chase Mortgage. And this is the sound of Nancy's Chase Mortgage. That's because Chase checking customers can earn cash back on their mortgage. That's money to spend on whatever you want. A new lawnmower. A new grill for the backyard. Even some new golf clubs. Or maybe just lessons. Simply get a new Chase Mortgage or refinance your loan and sign up for automatic payments to start getting cash back. Up to $500 annually for the life of the program, which could add up to thousands over time. Stop into a branch today or go to chase.com slash mortgage cash back to learn more about our great rates and to find out how your mortgage can start paying you back.
Mortgage cash back only from Chase. Chase, what matters. All home lending products are subject to credit and property approval. A Chase personal checking account required with automatic mortgage payments. This program is not available in all states. Other restrictions and limitations may apply. JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC. School's starting soon, so things are getting crazy. But it's also the perfect time for awesome deals for me to stay in touch with mom and dad. Like a brand new MessageMate 2. Absolutely free from Cricket Wireless when I trade in a competitor's phone. Hey! You ready for choir practice yet? Mom, it's football today. Anyway, the MessageMate 2 has a sweet cordy keyboard. Great for texting and emailing. And it comes with unlimited talk, text, and web for just $45 a month. I don't hear you practicing any scales up there. Defensive ends don't do scales. Do your family a favor and get a free MessageMate 2 by visiting a cricket store or mycricket.com today. So smart, so cricket. Limited time offer requires new activation. Trade-in phone must be in working order and be assigned to the ported number. See store for details. Coverage now available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get equipped to succeed this school year with a MessageMate 2 free with no contract when you trade in a competitor's phone. Just visit a Cricut store or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut.
This is WIBK Radio Burger King, the sound of value and flavor. You know that just a little bit hungry feeling, don't you? Sure you do. That's why Burger King is introducing the mini meal for just $2.99. That's two flavor-packed BK minis, value fries, and a value drink for $2.99. You can even choose between chicken and beef. Just because you don't want a huge meal doesn't mean you'll settle for less flavor. Where's the value in that? Go to Burger King now. This is WIBK. Limited time only. Price and participation may vary. Every mini has always offered iconic style, go-kart handling, and exhilarating performance. Now there's the Mini Countryman. It has all the things that make a Mini a Mini and a little bit more. It's bigger, so there's more than enough space for your next big adventure. And it's also the first Mini with four doors. There's even available all-wheel drive. You even get three-year, 36,000-mile, no-cost maintenance included. The Mini Countryman. It's just a little bit more Mini to love. Learn more and arrange for a test drive at miniofsdcounty.com. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business?
Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. Pocket folders, just 25 cents. Two-pack of 4A dry erase markers, just 25 cents. Pencil sharpeners, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Don't be late. Expires 730. Sharpness and markers limit 5. Folders limit 10. Things come to those who wait. And if you've been waiting to get a BMW 3 Series, now you can. The BMW Encinitas demo sales drive is back. Save thousands on our entire fleet of pre-owned service loaners. Like on a 2011 BMW 328i sedan. Lease for only $249 a month plus tax. Only $249 a month. Or lease a 2011 BMW 335i sedan for just $339 a month plus tax.
Just $3.39 a month. Plus, you'll get the remainder of BMW's comprehensive four-year, 50,000-mile limited warranty and maintenance only at BMW Encinitas. On Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real, click BMWEncinitas.com. Now you can. Warranty terms and conditions available. See store for details. 335i number BE435499. 328i5 to choose. 36 month lease. 39.90 plus first month's payment tax and registration to its signing. Zero security deposit. 20 cents per excess mile over 30,000 miles with above average credit. Offer ends 8-31-11. Slightly Stupid. The Seedless Summer 2011 Tour is hitting Cricut Wireless Amphitheater presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. This Saturday, Slightly Stupid. With special guests, Revolution and Shwayze with Cisco Adler. Tickets are on sale now. Buy tickets at livenation.com. Ticketmaster or charge by phone at 1-800-745-3000. The Seedless Summer Tour 2011. Clarence collected clichés, so every day a new cliché was printed out on his HP printer. Then one day his ink ran out, so he ran like the wind and bought an HP multipack. No longer between a rock and a hard place, Clarence finally printed to his heart's content. And while some days were as busy as a bee and others were dead as a doornail, saving money always made Clarence a happy camper.
Tell me, what did the world look like to you when you first opened your eyes? The Mikey Show with Mikey. The reason I've never been comfortable around kids, I'm always petrified they're going to go, you're short and fat. You don't skimp on hair products. You don't skimp on haircuts. You don't skimp on DJs, designer jeans. You don't skimp on your teeth. Lauren. Yep, I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. Let's hear it in our live studio audience.
Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Here's what they say about Mondays. Average person doesn't smile until 11, 16 a.m. on a Monday. 11, 16 a.m. Average time. Strange. Strange to me because on Tuesday, what? What happens Tuesday? Tuesday, 8 a.m. Tuesday is the worst day of the week. How come? Period. I like Mondays because we get to come back and have fun. But think about your last job. I still like it because I got to do the weekend recap on Monday is one of the greatest things about working in an office. I had a lot of single guy friends. I was married. And I would get to hear all of their exploits on Monday. And it was just so much fun. This would be me in my head then on Sunday. Tomorrow, I have to go to work. And hear a bunch of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah from a bunch of guys trying to show how big their wieners are. And I would be like, oh, gosh. And then I have to pretend I'm like, really, dude? That's cool. The funny stories about, and not always about wieners and stuff. I mean, we didn't sit around and talk about wieners. No, it was a wiener contest. It was like, oh, okay. Funny.
It's funny. So Monday's good. Tuesday is like, wow, great. I still have all day today, all of Wednesday, all of Thursday, and then all of Friday to go. Tuesday's just blah. 50% of people, Woods, are at least a little late for work on Monday. That's what it says. I'm not late. I'm only late one time. It's true. Five to ten minutes sometimes. You were that particular time two hours late? Yeah. Yeah. Two hours. A little over two hours. The power went out, so I didn't really have much to do about it with it. No, but remember when we were meeting with Randy, our consultant at my house before we began doing a radio show. Right. And I said, hey, you guys probably want to get one of those kind of clocks that's got a nine volt in it. Yeah. Because it'll back up. And then if the power goes out, it'll go on. Right.
So there's that part. Remember? People only average three and a half hours of productivity on a Monday. Three and a half. That's it. You work an eight-hour day. You're not getting anything done. What's the deal with Mondays? For me, all days are like the next. So to me, the Monday isn't different than the Friday. Not at a job that's sort of monotonous. When I worked at a software company, it was like I got a lot of the email. Like, everyone's like, all right, no effing around now. Back to work. So I got a ton of emails, a ton of tasks that came down from the boss. Just big, like. I wonder how you can make a job like that as an employer. How, like, what LLB is saying. I wonder how you can make a job like that kick ass. Stuff like what Google and Yahoo and stuff. Make, like, a free cafeteria, gym membership stuff.
You have people skateboarding and stuff. People want, when you work at the Googleplex, you want to go to work. You don't want to leave. Right. You can go in and get anything you want on the house. I mean, get named. It's interesting work as well. And it's interesting work. You work at Google. You owe the company because they're giving you so much. Right. And you're inspired to work. At Google, you get to go get a free hamburger there? Oh, dude. I didn't know that. In the Google later, Google Googleplex. And look at the amenities that they have. Go on Google and Google it. Google the Googleplex, and it will show you. Their cafeteria, you walk in, if you like Nantucket Nectar's drink, oh, they got them there. You like Gatorade? It's there. It creeped me out, though. I had a job opportunity at mp3.com, whatever it was, here in town. Went in, they walked around, they're like, well, you tell us what you want to do. We're going to hire you, we're going to give you a car, we're going to do all this stuff. Just tell us what you want to do. That sounds terrible. I want. I want to know what you want me to do. I can see why you hate it. That was awful. I want you to tell me what you want me to do. Well, here's the coffee places. Jake kicked the guy in the nuts and ran. Yeah, I did pretty much. Monday, we're going to start you off on Monday. There's a masseuse that comes in. That sounds terrible. God bless. That sounds like Auschwitz. Six months later. Can I apply for that? Six months later, they were out of business. Well, yeah. Because they were like, well, you tell us what you want to do. Google ain't going out of business. Well, wait. They were probably out of business because they were an MP3 company.
Well, I don't know. I think they just because they had no direction. Like I talked to a few people. They're like, well, just walk around and talk to people and see what we're doing here. I walked around. I was like, what are you doing there? I have no idea. Like you have no direction. You have, you know, it was just like. You got to have a strong leader. You know, you got to have a strong leader, but it's cool to have a cool work environment. Heck yeah. I ran. Let's see. And they also say the main ways people try to get over being miserable on Mondays are in order. Watching TV, having sex, doing online shopping, eating chocolate, and planning a trip. Yeah. These are the ways that we recover on a Monday. These are the things that make us feel better on a Monday. Do you know what's... I'm going to ask you a genuine question. I want you to answer me honestly. I always do. Well, but what I'm saying is no jokey joke. I want you to give me a real answer here. Always. If you have an afternoon...
What do you have at your disposal that will make you stoked to do? Doesn't have anything to do with work. But what do you do that you're like, I'm happy and content if I can do this? Probably something baseball related for me. Watching it? Watching it. If there's a great Yankee game moment, I am getting off work. I'm stoked to go home, get a sandwich. Usually revolves around food and baseball. L-O-B? I like to have time to get a workout in and also some sort of like lunch or coffee outing with somebody. Can you imagine if your happiness, like one of the things that you would say, oh, you know what would make me so stoked would be to get on a elliptical machine. I know. I am grumpy without it. But then if I socialize, it makes me feel normal because we don't keep normal hours. So if I get to have lunch with somebody or go get coffee or something, I'm like, oh, I'm not so isolated.
Do you know what it is for me? What? Sleep. Being in my underwear with the curtains drawn in the room so it's nice and dark. The air conditioner set at 68 degrees. In the bed with lots of covers so it's warm in the bed but it's cold in the room. Right? On my stomach, the pillows in a reverse V. Okay? So picture a V upside down. That's how I like my pillows. And my iPad. with the start button on the right. And if it's on the left, I'm always like, flip it to the right. So the thumb thing is there. Right now, by the way, Jay is looking at me like I am a talking goat. Like he's witnessing a goat speaking English. This is insane. Turn it on, start it, and just read books that I've got on there. And I'm reading a book right now, a zombie book that I'm just lost in.
Oh, I get to ride a train soon. I'm gonna just read. I'm gonna read and read and read on the train. I'm gonna sit on a choo-choo train. I'm gonna go buy snacks in one of the other cars on the train. I might even say hi to a stranger. I am going to isolate that and then we're gonna get... A clip of how you feel after the train ride. Great call. She's bringing me down. She keeps telling me you're going to hate the train. No, I just want to see if you have the same enthusiasm. I bet you I would. It's isolation in a tight place. You know I love that. Maybe go for a walk. Mike, maybe the gym. Maybe a pair of shoes that have treads on the bottom. Let's make some noise in here. God, it's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. All the speed you need at a great price. $14.95 a month for 12 months, one year term, one year price guarantee. That's the good part for you. How about this as a good part for you? 24,000 hotspots all over the country.
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The live concept going, kicking it around, haven't made any decisions on it yet. But, you know, the deal, what the deal used to be is only a live studio audience on Friday. And it was for the whole four, the whole four hours. And for a lot of people, it was draining. You know, they come in, we'd make them get here so early, have to get here at a quarter to six. And it was tough. And so a lot of times by the time they were in here, three hours, they were tired. And, you know, so they would start to kind of fade. And so this idea of doing the live in July has been really good. You know, I'm in the nine o'clock hour. They get to see an hour. And it seems like just enough. Now, the cool thing about the concept, too, is that you can come back as much as you want, you know, which I really like. It's what I used to do when I was growing up. I used to go to that radio show in San Francisco. And I went every day. And so, you know, if you wanted to come every day and there was a room in the studio, you could do it. As long as you weren't supposed to be at school. Right. You know what I mean? Or at work. Or at work. Well, if you're an adult, you know, whatever. Except you. You're an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. That is harsh. That's an opinion.
The Wipeout Party is tomorrow night. It's going to be at Dave and Buster's. And hopefully every M1 in this room will be there. And hopefully every M1 listening will be there. Our boys Woods and Jay are going to be on national television. Bam. Selected out of 75,000 people. Woods and Jay are going to be on Wipeout. They've already filmed it. And it will premiere tomorrow night. DVR it if you're not going to be there. Seven to nine. The party's seven to nine. The show is on from eight to nine. And none of us, including Jan Woods, have seen it. And so we will see how they are depicted, how they're edited, and the comments made. Who's driving? Are you driving? No. No, I'm not. Dave & Buster's allows kids to come as well, so you can bring the chillins. There you go. My wife will drive. She'll drive. Will she pick us up? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we could do that. Maybe you guys figure that out. Yeah. Off there, maybe. Then you have to drop them off, and it takes longer to get home. I'll be asleep. Yeah. In the car. I'll take my sleep medicine before we leave Dave & Buster's. How in the world is she going to get you out of the car? Mike, you ever tried to get a Mastodon out of a little Mini Cooper? You ever tried that, Mike?
Well, that's what it'd be like for Rebecca to try to get you out of that car. You ever try to move a steel dumpster from one block to another? Ain't gonna happen. Mike, apparently you've never thrown a walrus into a little red wagon. It's like getting Orca back in the tank. It ain't easy. Ouch. Getting the Orca back in the tank. Oh, man. It's brutal. Speaking of, Happy Meals, they're changing. Speaking of. They're changing Happy Meals because of pressure from anti-obesity campaigns. Now, I personally don't have a problem with it because if you don't want it, you don't have to. You don't have to get a Big Mac. Big Mac makes you happy. Get a Big Mac. That's fine. But what I am saying is that the Happy Meals are meant for kids. And you know what? They're meant for kids. Yeah. You know what they're meant for? Meant for parents to have some discernment. You know, why change it? Because you're a crappy parent. Now it's got to be changed for my kid and I'm a good parent. No. Yes. Because they've deemed that it's too fatty. Yeah. Who says? There's a million skinny people that grew up on Happy Meals. A million fat people, too. Fair enough. And we are paying for all the obese people. We are. We are. Hey, man. Rebecca gave me an SG&T the other day that I could not argue with. SG&T. Sounds good. Not true. I had a friend send me this thing that was like, you know.
These are all the things that if you were born before 1979 are no longer the deal. And there was a lot of them that were true. It was like, you know, you could go and you could play until the streetlights came on, which is true. When I was a kid, you could go out, you could play. And, you know, you could run around by yourself with your friends. Nowadays, you're going to get abducted and killed. Sex perverts. And there's sex perverts everywhere. And you got to be careful. I don't want my kids running around like that because I don't know what kind of creeps are out there. And you got to be careful. So that is true. But then one of the other things that they said on there was, and you could have Kool-Aid with sugar in it and you didn't die. And you know why you didn't die and you know why you didn't get fat? Because you were out running around and exercising. Well, I think that might be SG&T. Sounds good, not true. Sounds good, not true. I think actually a lot of kids did get fat eating a lot of that garbage. I do believe that a lot of kids got fat eating that garbage, including me. And seriously, when I was a kid, I was fat. And maybe it was because I was drinking a bunch of Kool-Aid. When I was a kid, I wasn't fat. I played.
Every day for four hours, I drank Kool-Aid by the gallon. I ate McDonald's. I ate whatever the hell I wanted to. But you still have a taste for that stuff. But I played because it's, you know why? Because it's delicious. It's good. And a crappy meal is what it should be called now. It's got apples in it. That's not a happy meal. It is happy. No, it's not. It's got freaking apples in it. No, it still has fries. I love apples. I like apples, too. Not when I go to Mickey D's. Listen to this. So starting, they announced this yesterday. Starting yesterday, they announced it. What they're going to do to the Happy Meal is it's going to have half the amount of fries in it. Good. That it used to. So you get four fries now. Well, Woodsy, here's the bottom line. If you so choose, you can order whatever you want. You can order the fatty meal. Let's say that you go, listen, my child simply must have a supersized French fry. He must. Go ahead. I know. Order the damn supersized fry. Because portions have increased over the years anyways. So a small fry when we were kids is different. It is much smaller than a small fry today. Seriously, man, I think it's weird what you get when you order a large soft drink. I think it's freaking weird.
It's a 55-gallon drum. It's weird. You go, what are you going to do with that? It's so big. But anyway, okay, so it'll start in September, okay? And the new Happy Meal, apparently, will have half the amount of French fries and a packet of fruit. Good! No, I say good, too. I say good, too. Hey, listen, if you ask me, I feel better giving my kid a little hamburger, which, by the way, I even say that hamburger, I go, I bet you could get by with that hamburger being a third of the size that it is. They never eat the whole thing. They never eat the whole damn thing. We should give them oats. How about half that hamburger? How about half those fries? Maybe you should be a parent and have some discernment on what you feed your kid. So when you get a kid and your kid orders a Happy Meal, you're going to be like, you can only have half of that. Wait for the fight. No, no, no. But I'm going to say, hey, this isn't something we're going to do every day. You're not going to be like your dad. You're not going to go to McDonald's every day. So what you're saying is, wait, wait, but let me get this straight. So what you're saying is, is that it's only every once in a while. Absolutely. It's a treat. And every
once in a while when they get it, they get to have the whole thing. They get a king-size Happy Meal. I say no way. I like what they're doing and I feel like they can have it. They still have it every so often, but this is their normal. Luke and Ryan, their normal will be when you get a Happy Meal. That's their normal. They get apples in their Happy Meal. If you just simply have to give your kid more... Go ahead. You can order them whatever you want. Hey. I'm giving you this, but then we're also going to go get some pancakes because I don't feel like you got enough fat in here today. It's a good call. Let's see. What do you got coming up? What do you got coming up, Hillary? Sounds delicious. I grabbed the Pixies and Company of Thieves, the new Kooks record. I'm going to play some Fugazi because I had a dream about a minor threat last night, which was really bizarre. You really did. I really did. I dreamt that a guy, a random... I don't know who it was, was telling me that girls can't sing punk rock. And so I challenged him to a sing-off, a minor threat, oh God, what was the song? A minor threat song. And when I woke up, because my daughter woke me up, she walked up to the side of the bed and was like, Mom, I'm getting in. And I was like, oh God, I was ready to start screaming a minor threat song. It's genius. How random is that? We have very different thoughts about it.
Well, very different dreams, too. Very different dreams. That was a weird one, though, even for me. It's been a while. There you go. So, yeah, good stuff. The lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we'll see you here tomorrow morning, where it will be the day of the big party. Dave and Busters, tomorrow night, 7 to 9. Be there. The Mikey Show is out. Yep. Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station. We're the closest you'll ever come to a professional college radio station. Best described as dead air. M94.9. It's about the music.