The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/08/11
Monday, August 8, 2011
radio show archivevacation recapChargers footballName That Tune gameNancy Grace call intrain trip storiescrab eating mishapManny Pacquiao shrineJustin Bieber discussionparent in prisonradioarchive
The show recapped the hosts' vacations, discussed Chargers roster moves and the upcoming nationally televised preseason game against the Seahawks, played Name That Tune with Woods and listeners, had Nancy Grace call in about parent issues, and featured Woods sharing chaotic train trip stories including crab-eating mishaps and bed mechanism struggles.
What happened, in order
Train to Tucson
Woods takes a train to Tucson, meets a delightful married couple, gets off in LA, and feels scared in Union Station.
Union Station Fear
Woods feels like a child in Union Station, backs against the wall, and tries to get bearings by looking for high ground.
Cops and Celine Dion
Woods follows two police officers and some girls, and the younger cop sings Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On, referencing Titanic.
Manny Pacquiao Shrine
Woods arrives at a Chinese restaurant and finds it's a shrine to Manny Pacquiao, with photos framed all over the walls.
Full Crab Lunch
Woods eats a full crab, one flies out and hits his shirt, he gets hurt, and later throws up in the bathroom with his suitcase.
Train Bed Situation
Woods can't figure out how to pull the bed out in his sleeper car, pulls levers, and finally asks a woman downstairs how to do it.
Way Back Diarrhea
On the way back, Woods has diarrhea, can't sleep, and deals with screaming kids in the next cabin, putting on headphones to avoid comments.
Chargers Roster Moves
Woods discusses the Chargers re-signing Malcolm Floyd, Vincent Jackson signing his tender, Antonio Gates' two-year deal, and Corey Leggett as the number one draft pick.
Name That Tune Game
The Mikey Show plays Name That Tune with a 'Welcome Back' theme, Woods and Mike tie, and M1 Steve and M1 Lisa win with help from Jay's rules.
Nancy Grace Call-In
Nancy Grace calls in, Woods impersonates a black officer, discusses smuggling a honey bag, fake IDs for co-eds, and is asked if she's five foot two.
Justin Bieber on CSI
M1 Adam from Marietta calls in saying Justin Bieber's favorite career moment was being on CSI where Nick Stokes shot him.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsJayL.O.B.Nancy GraceM1 SteveM1 LisaM1 AdamMalcolm FloydVincent JacksonAntonio GatesCorey LeggettChrisRebecca
31,559 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
is all over and we are in the studio and ready to go let me tell you we got stories stories stories for you if you'd like you can call us 570-1949 and we would love to hear from you we got so much to talk about you know in terms of Recapping what's gone on since we were on vacation. All last week we were on vacation and we all went to different places. Jay went to Hawaii. I went to Arizona. L.O.B. was in Jersey. Woodsy was in Texas for a short period. Don't know what our phone screener crossed. I don't know what Chris was up to. He stayed here and worked. He did? Yeah, he ran Best Of. Look at that. He labeled everything. There you go. What a guy. He labeled like a madman in here. He did some serious labeling. He did some labeling. It's so cool. He's the man. Good guy, Chris. Love to talk to you. 570-1949-M1s. M1 Nation means that you call in, get to the point, turn your radio down, and don't cuss. You've got to know the rules. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You listen to us exclusively.
And you create new M1s all the time. Got to talk about the loss of all the SEAL members. We're going to be talking about that. All the stuff that the Chargers are doing. By the way, the word of the day is inch. Jay. He folded six times. Why would you fold? Right out of the gate. I mean, just right out. Right out of the gate. Oh, he's back. Mikey, he's got a week to recharge his creepy batteries. He couldn't handle it. He was recharging them on a creepy email service. Oh, yeah, he was. Over the break. That's true. Well, they're full, so. 5701949. So if you hear me say the word inch between now and 10.
I'm going to weave that into a sentence. And when I do, if you're caller nine, you're going to get tickets to see the Chargers and the Seahawks on Thursday night. By the way, that's a first preseason game for the Chargers. And it's going to be the only televised game that night. Sir. Nationally. I've never been more excited for a... preseason football game in my life. I can't wait. Because football's back. It's back. I'm going to watch the whole thing. I cannot wait. It's going to be awesome. A little bit later, we're going to do football trivia. And Woods will get shot if he does not have the answer to the football trivia. We'll have the airsoft guns. LLB will be shooting. I'll be shooting. Jay will be shooting. They're not soft at all. No, they hurt. They hurt like... Don't do that at home. Okay, so so many things to tell you about. I'm wondering, well, where do I start in terms of, you know, as you know, I took a train to Tucson. Why again? The train. Never done it. Never done it. Wanted to experience that. And you're in on trains now, so. Yeah, I'm in on trains. I would do it again. The trip there.
was better than the trip back. The trip back was a bit of a nightmare. I'm not going to lie. What's the travel time on the way there? On the way there, two hours to Los Angeles. The train was delayed getting in by an hour and a half, so the trip there was ten and a half hours. Didn't seem like it. I had a room with a bed, and I had an iPad that worked. and got signal so it was wonderful i had no issues and i just said wonderful now i read something on facebook about you i guess getting to the train station in la and then going to eat with some police officers yeah so let me tell you about this so i get there i take the two-hour trip from here to los angeles on the train meet a delightful couple it's been married 47 years i sit with them They invite me to sit with them, and I do, to Los Angeles. We talk. They thought I was a really nice person, and we were very happy to meet each other. They were about my parents' age, and we talked the whole way. We really liked each other's company. He gave me his business card. We'll probably keep in touch and be lifelong friends. Excellent. Now, I get off the train in Los Angeles, and I walk into Union Station.
And immediately feel like a child. And I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to be kidnapped, you know, by an adult because I'm by myself. And they're a lot taller than you. They're a lot taller than me. You know? And so I back up against the wall and I'm trying to get my bearings about me. Okay? And I'm thinking of what Bear Grylls has always said. try to get to high ground, and if you can make it, look out at your surroundings and try to get your bearings. Okay. So that's what I'm doing. So you're looking for like a phone book to stand on. Exactly. Maybe an apple crate. Yes. Whatever it takes. A ladder. A ladder would have been good. But I just, you know, I have no idea what to do. Scary people walking around in the train station? No. See, that's what people, a lot of people were like,
You know, if you take the train, you're going to come and contact a lot of weirdos. Generates. You know, that's not really the case. No. You know, it's very expensive to go on the train. Much more expensive than to fly. Yeah. To Tucson? No question. Round trip, it was $1,400. Oh, my gosh. Holy cannoli. Because I had a room. Holy crap. That's why it was nice. That's why I don't have complaints about it. I had a room with a shower and a bathroom in it. You know, the way back was beating, but the way there, it was nice. And so anyway, so I get to Los Angeles and I'm afraid and I don't know what to do. And so I'm following people. They're all going to the middle of Union Station. And that's where the big signs are that tell you where the various trains are going. But my connection.
It's not for three hours, and so it's not on the screen yet. And so I don't know what to do. So I get in line to ask questions. I'm in line, and I ask the lady, what do I do? And she says, you see them seats over there? And I said, yeah. She goes, go sit in them. Your train leaves at 3, about 2.30. They're going to tell you where to go. I said, okay. Fair enough, easy enough. As I'm walking to the seats, I'm behind a gaggle of girls. They're in their young 20s. Nice. Score. Winner. It's a huge score. Married man. Married man. You can look. You don't have to touch. I like to look. You just don't like to touch? That's right. So there are two police officers. One is of Mexican descent. Perfect.
He is in his early 30s. Possibly a cousin. Could be. Of mine? Yes. I'm Latino, sure. The other one is of Asian descent, and he is an older gentleman, probably in his mid-50s. And the younger guy is flirting with the girls, the younger cop. And he says, you girls hungry? Feast on that. You girls hungry? He says... You guys like Chinese? He met his partner. Oh, boy. I knew that was coming. Funny. And so the girls are giggling, but they're not interested. Right. And he very quickly learns they're not interested, so they keep walking. Well, I've got a giant suitcase. And what I mean by a giant suitcase is the largest suitcases that they make. The large size. You know? And it's got a roll away. You can roll it. Thank God. But I pack like a woman. Yeah, I pack like a woman. This thing weighed, we had it weighed, and it weighed 60 pounds. I took my pillows that I sleep with. And all your skin care. Heels. I did take all my skin care products, which was two dop kits. Oh, my goodness. Two dop kits. I don't have hair. Doesn't stop you.
And your head. He's styling his hair. Man, it's good to be back. Such a creep. Sign me up for that. So I go around the girls and I'm walking as fast as my little feet will take me. And I walk up to the cops and I say, excuse me, excuse me. did you guys say that you knew of a Chinese place? And the one guy says, yeah. And I said, where is it? He says, about 10 minutes from here. I said, by car or by walking? By walking. I said, oh. I said, because I've got this big suitcase. And I said, people probably don't do that with a big suitcase, right? And he goes, no, they do. I said, I won't look too weird doing that? He says, no. He said, well, fit people do. Right. Exactly.
I said, are you going there? He says, yeah. I said, do you mind if I tag along? Because I need to know how to get there. Oh, my God. And he says, and I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't want me to go. Of course not. But he says, yeah, you can come along. Holy cow. So I'm following them. We come to this big intersection. And we're standing at the intersection waiting for the light. to turn green to get the little walk sign. And there are Jamaican guys around and they're doing tricks and they're getting people to give them tips. And from kind of far off, I hear this violin playing this. And the younger cop looks at his partner and he goes, and he kind of looks at me, he's looking at his partner and he goes, is it Celine Dion? Celine Dion, huh?
And I go, yeah, yeah, I think so. Is that the Titanic or is it? His partner goes, yeah, Titanic. It is Titanic. Celine Dion. The Asian cop goes, I feel you in the distance. I love you. I miss you. My heart will go on. And I go, I think in my head, I am standing at an intersection in the middle of Los Angeles at 12 in the afternoon with two police officers, a giant suitcase, while one of them of Asian descent is singing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On. It's outstanding. Oh my God. Not so good now. It's outstanding. So we walk.
And they were right. About a 10-minute walk. I'm sweating like a pig. Nice beaver. I don't think that made me a girl because I was sweating. It was hot. It's hot in L.A. It's hot as hell out there. So we decide on a place called Mayflower, okay? And we're walking in there, and the younger cop says, It's a good place. He says, the food's good. It's cheap. It's a good place. I go, oh, cool. And he says, he leans in like he's going to tell me something, like, you know, on the down low. He goes, a lot of Filipinos in there. And I go, oh. Because I don't know what that means. Do I watch my wallet? Yeah, should I be careful? Are they going to stab me?
Is that a joke? Is that a joke? I'm like, I'm not really sure. So he says, so you know who Manny Pacquiao is? And I said, yeah. Manny Pacquiao is a Filipino boxer. He goes, yeah, he's a pretty big deal in here. And I'm thinking, what does that mean? Is he a regular? I don't know. We walk in, and this place is a shrine. to Manny Pacquiao. Photographs framed all over the walls. That's amazing. And so I say to these guys, I go, hey guys, thank you for letting me come here. I would like to buy you guys lunch. Lunch is on me. And the older guy goes, he puts his hand up and he says, thank you. No. Thank you. But no. Very stern. Like very...
He is setting a clear boundary. This is as far as this relationship goes. There's no more. There is no more. No Sunday barbecues. You're not bringing Rebecca and the kids up. We're not friends. We're not going to be friends. We showed you how to get here. We shared Titanic. But that's the extent of our intimacy. He's sort of annoyed at this point because he didn't even want you to walk. And now you're trying to food rape him. Yeah, I'm food raping him. And the younger guy was more against me coming than the older guy, even though the younger guy talked to me more than the older guy. But once we got there, the older guy made it clear, look, this is done. It's over. We brought you here. All right. So I go and I sit by myself and I look like a sex pervert because I'm all by myself. With a giant suitcase. With a giant suitcase. By the way, he was wrong. I'm the only one in there with a giant suitcase. Right. And so I look at the menu, which is all in, it's all in Chinese. Did you ask that cop to translate it for you? No, I did not. Okay. Did not. Good. I knew he didn't want me there.
I settled on spicy crab and ginger. Now, when it comes to the table, it's a full crab. A full crab. Now, by the way, it was delicious. However, I didn't know what to do with it. It's a full crab, you guys. It's a full crab. Maybe you just go with beef and broccoli like just some normal guy would do. Maybe some chicken chow mein. Maybe. No doubt about it, Woods. I will not dispute you on that. You are correct. I know. I shouldn't have done it. You don't go in there and try delicacies and stuff. No. Trying to be fancy. Right. And so I'm trying to break the crab open with my fingers in my hands. At one point, one of the crabs flew out of my hands and hit my shirt. Oh, boy.
Crab shirt. Yeah, I got crab shirt. Did you cut your fingers up from the little shell pieces? Of course I did. Oh, boy. Well, I didn't cut them, but they were hurt, you know? And so I have had gastric bypass surgery, and certain foods will get me. And this was one of them. So I finished up lunch, and then I went into the bathroom and threw up. At the Chinese restaurant. At the Chinese restaurant. With your suitcase in the stall? With my suitcase. Oh, my God. Mikey. The bathroom was a lot like your average cement beach bathroom. Oh, it smelled like carrots and throw-ups. It sure did. Sure did. Oh, my gosh, dude. And then I left and passed the officers as I left. thanked them again, and left, and I was on my way back with my suitcase out onto the streets of Los Angeles. Just a young... Just a young... Kid on the street. Jack Kerouac. With a giant to-go bag. What? What is a to-go bag? What's a to-go bag? To-go bag? Is that the...
The ecosystem in Star Wars? Yes. The Gobog. The Gobog. Is that like what they... Remember Luke Skywalker crash landed into it. The Gobog. And Yoda lived in the Gobog. The Gobog system. Left with your the Gobog you did. Eat crab you will. Oh my. Yeah. Maybe you just go with... Some rice and sweet and sour chicken. Good idea. You always try to be so fancy. You just get what you know. Dude, it was delicious. But it was a lot of work to eat it. You're on the road. I finally asked for crackers. The things that crack. You're on the road. Keep it simple on the road. It's a great idea. Always. Next time I will. Got on the train. And it was a lovely ride. Just calm. Lovely. Calm. Calm. Who says lovely? Fast? Do they go fast? Yeah. They go 79 miles an hour. That's not bad. I mean, here to LA in a car could run you three, three and a half hours. So two hours to LA, that's pretty good. Yeah. Now, you don't have a choice with who you sit with for dinner. They don't, you know, you can't just go and sit wherever you want. They make a reservation for you. So they ask you.
Do you want dinner at 5, 5.45, 6, 6.30, whatever. So I decided on a time. They call you at that time. You got to be there. You get to the dining car. You do not get to select where you sit. They seat you. Right. Now, if you're by yourself, this can be a little iffy because they're going to seat you with other people that are by themselves. Right. Okay. Now, in my case. This was an older black gentleman right across from me who did not want to speak to anybody. He wanted to eat and didn't want conversation. He made it very clear in his body language. The guy sitting next to him looked like an old jewel thief. That's what I conjured up. I thought to myself, I bet you would have been a good... Jewel thief. Was it the black turtleneck he was wearing with the black knit cap that tipped you off? And the t-shirt that said, I'm a former jewel thief. And then sitting next to me, sitting next to me, was a young guy, older 20s, very tall, red hair, not much unlike my first masseuse, who thought that I was gay because I requested a male.
But yeah, he did kind of look like that guy. And he was some sort of vegan and couldn't find anything on the menu that agreed with him. And that was who I sat with. Quite a motley crew. It was. No doubt. Quite a motley crew. But it was nice. You know, I enjoyed the trip. I would do it again. You are outstanding, my friend. I have a lot of different things that happen to me, don't I? It's absolutely unbelievable. Oh, man. Okay, so I do want to share this with you. Upon getting on the train in Los Angeles to go to Tucson, there was a black lady that didn't like me. Instantly, she didn't like me. And I don't blame her. I don't blame her. It was my fault that our relationship started out rocky and remained rocky till the very end. When we come back, I'll tell you what I did. And you'll probably shake your heads. In fact, Jay already looks disappointed in you. Jay already is like, what did you do? Look what you did. Look what you did. So I'll tell you why she didn't like me. And all the other stuff we've got to get to as well. It's all coming up right here on The Mikey Show. We are back. Back!
This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. We are Wark. We are Wark. We are Wark. We are Wark. We are Wark. We are Wark. Would you just shut up? Ow. It's the Vans Warped Tour 2011. Starring a day to remember. The Devil Wears Prada. Gym Class Heroes. Paramore. The Ready Set. Relying K. August 9th at Cricket Wireless Amphitheater. Presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. The Vans Warped Tour. Also featuring Asking Alexandria. Against me. August burns red. Less than take. We came as Romans. Dance, Gavin, dance. Go radio. Up mice and men. Enter Shikari and more. August 9th at Cricket Wireless Amphitheater. Presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. There's tons more at Warpedour.com. I just want tickets. Tickets are on sale now at LiveNation.com. Ticketmaster or charge at 1-800-745-3000. For 17 years and still warped, the Vans Warped Tour 2011. We are warped. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's talk to Ronnie on line one. Jay Box, I'm about to drop some knowledge on your listeners. Drop away. All right, check this out. I drop a monster truck limo. Want to know why?
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edu to learn more brandman university do better i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 sorry to be the one to have to tell you oh my god and now back to the mikey show with mikey mikey he sees the word wonderful again i'm 40 it's okay woods your boy gets in the shower and i have very little hair and i have to condition of course it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition lauren when i have to say smart things on the spot i'm like and jay please grow up on fm 94.9 The boys and the girl are back in town. Great. Felt like the first day of school of the day again. Oh, man, I couldn't wait. Every time we're off, I feel like I'm like, the day before, I'm all nervous. I was too. I could not wait to get that. I couldn't either. I couldn't sleep. Okay, so before we left, we're going to talk about the Chargers here in a minute. So much stuff to do. We're going to play Name That Tune.
So I was telling you about getting on this train. So it's part of my personality to be anxious if I don't know what's what. Oh, yeah. And I need to know what's what right away. And so there's a lady standing at the open doors of the Amtrak train taking our tickets. And, of course, I'm first. I was there. Two hours just waiting, okay? So I'm first. And she takes my ticket, and she looked like the woman from Ghostbusters, the maid from Ghostbusters, that was like, I don't have any idea. Remember the old, well, maybe, anyway. If you were a fan of it. I was, but I was like six. Anyway.
I haven't seen it since. I'm not being a jerk. No, a little bit. No, I haven't seen it in like 30 years. I love Ghostbusters. So I said to her, I have a sleeper car. I said, do I go upstairs for that? And she goes, I was going to say hello first. And I knew it. I knew it. I thought, okay. I know. I know. It's already over. It's already over. Hasn't even begun. She hates me. And I said, I'm sorry. You know, and so she says, yes, it is. So I get my suitcase in and she goes, you can put your suitcase right there. And I said, oh, can I take it with me to the room? And I wanted to take it with me because it had my. laptop my ipad my it had all my stuff and she goes you don't want to take it to the room and i said can i take it to the room you can but there go ahead and she was saying this because to get upstairs you walk up these little stairs that are so small she was right it was an effort
And I'm holding up the line. And it's an effort to get this thing up these stairs. And so I go into my room. And the bed is tucked away. And it seats. And I don't want that. I want the bed now. Weird. I know. Because when we leave, I want to lay down and I want to relax. And that's how I want it. But I realize. Because I realize that I don't know how to take the bed out. I don't know if there's a bunk bed on top, but it's sort of folded up. So I'm yanking to try to get that thing down. It's not working. And so I'm pulling on levers, nothing. So finally I figure that out and it comes crashing down. And there's a mattress on top, but the mattress is wider than that.
bunk on top. So that doesn't make sense to me. There's a ladder up there, so I take the ladder down and finally I realize this isn't working. I don't know how to do this. So I push it back up and it sticks. Now this is where my wife says, at that point you would think that you would not want to bug that woman anymore. But no, I want to ask her, how do I pull the bed out? Man, the black folks love me. I love black folks because I'm black. Because I go downstairs. To where she is. Really? Yes. You couldn't find somebody else? Well. I'd be loving me some black women. It wasn't that I couldn't find somebody else. I didn't see anybody else. So she's still stamping people's tickets. And she's working. Still working. She's just making me want it. She is. She's working. Trying to get everyone on the train. Right. Get the train out on time. On time. Well, she sees me.
Peripherally. I don't need her to handle me until everyone's done. That's creepy. You've got to get handled. You're married. I get hit on by black girls all the time. But you can tell that she's just annoyed by my presence. Did you have both your hands shoved in your pockets and were you slightly rocking back and forth? Yes. Rain Man. Gosh darn, Ella B knows my moves. Or a pervert. Ella B's doing it. It's exactly what it looks like. She's doing exactly what I do. Exactly what I do. Trying to be patient but really dying inside. Dying. So she finishes and she says, yeah? And I said, hi, the bed in my room is not, I can't figure out how to get the bed going. And she says,
we're going to come by every room and show everybody how you do it. And I went, oh, okay. But inside I was thinking, I don't want that. I want you to show me. I want you to show me now. Dude, you were de-Trumping her. You were Donald Trumping her real good. What do you mean? Like, hey, first of all, you're the first one that you're like, hey, I have a sleeper car. You're big time there a little bit. She was out on you from the very get-go when you said that. Hey, where's the sleeper? Are you a VIP in here? You're Hollywood in there a little bit. Rebecca said to me, she said, were you trying to be a diva? And I said, I can understand how this looks like a duck, but it isn't quacking. I want you to know that this is not a duck. What it is is impatience. Right. Yeah. Same thing. No, no, no. It's a duck of a different color. Hang on a minute. It's a goose. Wait a minute. Diva means my room must be this temperature. It must be exquisitely blah, blah, blah. That's not the deal. I'm just impatient. Isn't that the same thing? No. I want my bed like this. Did you have your necklace on that's all $100 bills? Did you have that necklace on? That's Diva. Diva says my room needs the following requirements. And that's not...
No. It's impatience fueled by anxiety. It's impatience. I do the same thing. It was your first trip. But you could just sit until they come by. I understand that. Yeah. I understand that I could do that. That is one option. What is the option they're offering you? The only option. That's where the D part goes in. Unless you do it yourself. This is not the option I want. He just wasn't sure if there was something he was missing. Okay, wait, wait, wait. But, because Jay brings up a good point. It isn't because I'm special and deserve special treatment. That's not why. I mean, and I'm telling you that with all the honesty in my heart. Okay. It's not because I deserve special treatment. Right. It's because I'm impatient and I want it now. I was this way when I was 12. I'm still the same. I haven't changed. But you can't have it. I understand. And she let me know that. Real good. Real good. And so I went back into the room and I was very anxious. Were you pacing, sweating? Nope. Sweating. I was sitting down. I was doing exactly what L.O.B. is imitating me. I was sitting in my chair with my hands folded. And so finally she arrived and came into the room and she goes,
This is why I said... Oh, boy. This is why I said you probably shouldn't bring the bag because it barely fits. Oh, gosh. Oh, my God. Now you're getting sculpted. Oh, awkward. I told you from the very beginning. She didn't like me, but I... She had good reason to not like me. Fair enough. So she says... So I'm standing two inches from her. You know, just all in her space. Cramped up. And she goes... Can you stand in the hallway so I can get your bed going? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So she sits down, reaches down in between her legs, grabs a handle, pulls on it, and starts to push, and the bed comes out. And then she wants to put the mattress on it. Ah, that's why the mattress was so wide.
So she stands up and she goes, oh, it looks like you already took the ladder now. Yes, ma'am. Oh, my God. I was trying to figure out how that thing worked. I'm sweating for you right now. That's why I said we'll come along later and we'll show you how to do it. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. So she takes the mattress, puts it down below where it belongs, makes the bed. She says, And if you can get your suitcase back in here, you can put it. But I said you should check it. So I have to hurl the suitcase up on top of the bed and then move it around and try to get it into a corner where it's leaned. Oh, I know. And so, again, we were delayed by an hour and a half. And so when we arrive in Tucson...
Who do you think was first at the door to get off? You. I was. And who do you think was standing at the door getting ready to let people off? Your friend. Why did you persist? My friend. Why? Oh, somebody's got a frowny face. At this point, you would think that a normal person wouldn't chat. But I asked her why we were delayed. She looked at me like I was a virus, like I was the flu virus, standing in front of her. She was looking at a flu virus. And she said, because I was hot, we have a procedure. No, I didn't understand that. I don't understand what that means. It's hot. So I said, what do you mean? I don't understand. You ever just push the envelope? I wanted to know. Great. A lot of stuff I want to know, too, but I don't ask. Rebecca said the same thing.
Rebecca said, there's a lot of things I want to know, babe. I don't ask them. I don't go up, knock on the cockpit door, and ask the guy, why are we slowing down? Why are we at 35,000 feet? Yeah, why are we at 37,000 feet? That's an interesting question. Isn't that a better cruising altitude? She said, when the tracks get hot, they expand. She's just furious. Oh, my gosh. She probably called her girlfriend's letter. I hate Mexicans, man. I hate Mexicans. I hate them. I hate Mexicans. It's always the Mexicans ask the questions. Oh, man. Black folks don't ask nothing. They don't ask nothing. Always the Mexicans ask the questions. Mike Esparza, at some point in this process, you needed to reach for your God-given talent of humor. And you should have interjected that. That's such a good idea. Why didn't you do that? I never think of that. Gosh. You really got to. You could have turned her around like that. My friend CB says that all the time. Use humor. Yeah. Use humor. I never do. You got to turn her back to your side. You should have been like, listen, I'm an idiot. I know I'm an idiot. So self-deprecation works every time. I love it. I know it. So she opened the door and I got off and I bet she.
Oh, I bet she was happy to get rid of me. She actually said adios, MF, when you walked out the door. I want to send her flowers. You should. I wish that you had gotten her name and number so that we could call her. That would be incredible. She'd tell you. There's probably one on every train, and you just happen to be there, right? From the gates. You're the one. He's always the one. You're the one. It bugs me so much knowing I'm that guy. You're that guy. But I am. It's outstanding. I'm that guy. On the way back, there were two... First of all, on the way back, I had diarrhea. Okay. And there was... And I get on at 10 o'clock at night, and I'm thinking, oh, this will be great. I can sleep the whole way back. But I got diarrhea. I can't sleep. Did you have it before you got on the train? Yes. Were you driving the station like... Yeah, driving to the train station, kind of, yeah. Kind of queasy. And so the people in the cabin next to me had two kids that were crying, but they weren't just crying, they were scream crying all night. And I'm having to get, and the little sleeper that I was in had a little bathroom. And I was in and out of that thing all night. And at one point, the child goes, hi, man, in the bathroom.
And I went, hi. Oh, hello. Oh, hi, little guy. Oh, hello. Oh, hey. How you doing? When they were screaming in the next room, were you beating on the walls as I would have? Oh, my God. Like, just. Would you really? Oh, yeah. You cannot do that. Yes, you can. You're sharing the train. I did it to my neighbors in Hillcrest all the time. But they were grown adults. How'd that work out for you? Yeah, fine. Oh, man. It just occurred to me, Woods would have done that. There's no question. I would have been, because when I'm sleeping or trying to sleep and there's excess noise, you've never seen a bigger jerk, ever. Oh, wow. Ever. And I would have been beating on that wall like it was going out of style. Not me. You just sat there and took it. I would ask for my money back, too. Oh. Oh, yeah.
Why? Because I paid a lot of money for this suite. And you know what? I had to listen to these clowns screaming. Now listen, I'm on a plane for two hours. I can handle it. But it's a kid. 14 hours. You're the guys that hate kids on planes. So I don't mind kids on planes. I may hate kids on planes, but I don't say anything about it. Well, I don't either. Not on a plane. It's a two-hour trip. I can get in and out 14 hours, and I'm trying to sleep. It's 10 o'clock at night. Maybe you shut your kids up. Maybe you bring your plugs. Yeah, I'm down with that. Now, wait a minute. Now, see, Woods, but how do you shut your kids up? I don't know. That's the deal. What are you going to do? Duct tape. You don't put duct tape over a kid's mouth. You don't? No. You're a monster. No wonder we didn't get a kid. No. Surprise. But, yeah, it was just a problem, man. So you just sat there. You didn't say anything. Oh, boy. But I'll tell you what I did do. Every time I had to get into that bathroom, I put my headphones on on my iPod. Because what I didn't want was to hear one of those children comment on what I was doing.
I couldn't handle it. That would have humiliated me to a new point of humiliation. Did you see these people? Yes. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah. So they are now telling their friends on their radio show in Wisconsin about the guy in the bathroom next door to him. No, because this woman and people on Facebook were kind of giving me a hard time saying, you know, it's kids and blah, blah, blah. Here's the thing. It took me a while to figure it out, but she didn't bring any toys. That brings something for them to do. She didn't have anything for these kids to do. She didn't? No. Murder. What a monster. I know, man. It's not their fault. Maybe she forgot. That's something you don't forget when you have kids. Yeah, maybe she forgot. She had a whole bag sitting and then her and her husband had to fight over it. Could have. I told you to grab the bag. It could have been, but I never heard that. What I did hear was many times I heard her say, Enough. Now, Rebecca has said, Rebecca said, I've been to the end of my rope and I've done it too. I get it. It's just, you know, maybe bring toys. It's like telling a kid to calm down. Calm down. They're not going to calm down. They're not going to calm down. You need toys. So anyway, the Chargers, Woodsy. Yeah. The Chargers are back and in full swing.
Yes, sir, man. What did he do while we were on break? Well, while we were gone, it was widely speculated that Malcolm Floyd was out. He was going to sign with the Ravens. I mean, it was a done deal. Well, Malcolm Floyd is still a charger. So we got VJ. Okay, we got Vincent Jackson. We do have Vincent Jackson. We do have Vincent Jackson. He signed his tender. He's in. Okay. Full season. Malcolm Floyd re-signed. Antonio Gates is here. We're locked and loaded. Okay, he signed a two-year deal, $5 million in base salary, $2 million more in incentives. And here he is. They asked him, hey, man, how has the last few days been for you, Mr. Malcolm Floyd? It's been crazy. It's a crazy process that I'm really trying to put behind me. You go through a lot of emotions during that period, but it's time to win some games now. So that's my focus as of now. That a boy. Yeah, dude. So he's back. I mean. The offense is looking good. Also, Corey Leggett signed. Our number one draft pick out of Illinois. Defensive end. He is signed. That makes me feel good. Makes me feel good, too. He was one of three in the whole first round that hadn't signed. He's signed. He's ready to go. So, our first game is going to be nationally televised. It's this Thursday. It's the Seahawks against the Chargers. Here in San Diego, there are 7,000 tickets still available.
And game kicks off at 5 p.m. It's going to be on ESPN. It's going to be awesome. It's the only nationally televised game. Yep. Boom. It's going to be great. I'm going to watch the whole thing. I've never been this excited for preseason football. It's here. And then what do we have to expect? Is there any games on TV this weekend? Yeah. You've got Friday, you've got Tampa Bay against Kansas City. That's on Fox. Saturday, you've got Green Bay at Cleveland. That's kind of a sleeper, I guess. And then that's on NFL Network at 4.30. And then Monday Night Football. It's your boy, the foot-loving Rex Ryan at Houston and the Jets. 5 p.m. on ESPN. There it is. So we're back. Football's back. Ready to go. And then the sad thing was the copter. Oh, it's brutal. With a lot of the... We assume would be a lot of the guys from SEAL Team 6 that took out Osama Bin Laden. But just a really sad story. There was a... It had 30 Americans on board, one of these big, big helicopters. And it was flying in eastern Afghanistan, and it was downed by the Taliban. That's a lot of special forces members. And what really gets you about it, too, is that besides the fact that these are American lives with...
Family, friends. The other thing that gets you about it is just how highly trained and good they were. You know, that they were just, they were our elite. Yeah, you lose some of your best. You lose some of your best. Anyway, we got to get those guys back. You know, we got to get some new members. But anyway, that was just such a sad thing that happened while we were gone. So many things still to do. In fact, if you want to play Name That Tune, call us right now, 570-1949, if you want to play Name That Tune. And what is the prize, Jay? Today's prize is a four-pack of tickets to see Fitz and the Tantrums. Ooh, nice. September 2nd at the Del Mar Racetrack. What's the theme? It is Welcome Back. The theme is Welcome Back. All right, so call us, 570-1949. You're going to pick a horse.
Me, Woods, or L.O.B. To represent you and name that team. Pick a horse. 570-1949. And we'll do that with you. We're going to do football trivia at 8 o'clock. And by we, I mean Woods. We're going to have airsoft guns. Me, Jay, and L.O.B. If he gets one wrong, we get him with the airsoft. Perfect. They're not that soft. No, they are not soft. Like air hard. Earhard. Earhards. Word of the day is inch. When you hear me work that into a sentence between now and ten, if you're calling nine, you're going to get a pair of tickets to the Charger Seahawks game Thursday night. Woodsy, you're probably not going to like this so much, but according to a new study, smokers that have their first cigarette right after they wake up have an increased risk of developing lung.
And head. And neck cancers. American Cancer Society just did a study and released that. So you may want to keep that in mind. Maybe let a little time pass before you light up. Over the weekend, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was the number one film in America. Making 54 million. Wow. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, it was an interesting weekend out at Huntington Beach this week. Kelly Slater won the 2011 U.S. Open of Surfing. The guy is a beast. But even funnier still, in the middle of the competition, there's a boat. A little rowboat. Three Mexican guys in it. Trying to sneak in our country illegally. No. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? That's like a movie. I know. They were arrested and suspected of bringing drugs into our country. But can you imagine you're out there, you're waiting on your set to roll in, you're like, what are you guys up to? And they're just rowing in real good. Well, I'm trying to put myself in their heads and go, do you really want to, like, row up the shore where all these...
spectators are. I bet you the current just brought him. Oh, wow. They were probably fighting it the whole way. And then also, in what was a very highly anticipated fight, Rashad Evans beat Tito Ortiz in UFC 133. Beat him pretty solidly, too. The ref actually stopped the fight at 448 in the second round. I thought it would be a first-round knockout. For Rashad. For Rashad. Yeah. A lot of people did. A lot of people did. I was reading a lot about it, and they said, you know, Tito did well to make it that far. Shot Evans. He's an older dude. Yep. All right. Are we ready to play? Name that team. Come on. Let's do this. 570. It's been a while. 194.9. M1 Steve from Poway. Who do you want? Woodsy. You got him. Let's see. M1 Nubian Prince. Hello, Bree. From Otai Mesa. Who do you want? Yeah. Of course. Hang on the line. And M1 Lisa from Lakeside, you've got me. Hang on the line. This is unenthusiastic. All right, man. What are you going to do? Prove her wrong. Prove her wrong. That's what I'm going to do. All right, let's do this, Jay. It's Name That Tune. Our name is a buzzer. And the theme is Welcome Back. Title and artist. Title or. Title or. Okay. Okay. Let's do it. Woods. Elvis Presley. Quick. Here we go. Woods.
It's Fine Young Cannibals. Wow. Oh, Woodsy. Geez Louise. We're going to have to handicap you somehow. Well, have him stop looking at the artist before the show. If he just wouldn't read it before. Stop going in the system before. Yeah, I mean, because he's got to load his audio. Tell him to stop looking at what they are. Oh, he's eating at Tom's. He's lying. Made him nervous. Here we go. My heartburn. What? Oh, come on. GNR. Yeah, shoot. Negative one. Hey, Woods, that's a great way to cover your crime. Who's keeping score? Oh, yeah. I will. Oh, yeah. I want to guess. Do I? I'll play some more. Lauren? Aerosmith? Damn it. Yeah, Woods. Sienna's not playing, though, Woods. That's right, I know. That was my mistake. Smash it. Idiot. Here we go. Mikey. Darn it. It's ACDC. Of course it is. Lauren just got so mad, she shoved a chair. She's a chair shover. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. John Denver. Woods 2, Mike 1, LLB 1. Oh, boy. Okay, here we go. Mikey. That's Aerosmith. Yeah. Wait, did you give yourself a point off for the negative one? I did. Okay, good man. Clown?
Just double checking. I got three. Mike's got one. LB's got one. Here we go. Mike. Mikey. Boys are back in town. Then Lizzie. There you go. I'll title her. Yeah, title her artist. Here we go. Mike. What? Damn it. Go-Go's. Woods and Mike tied with three. LB won. Stupid. Idiot. Damn it. Wow. She's really mad at herself. So mad. Mikey. Mikey. Oh, gosh. Why did you do it, Mike? Weirdo. I don't know. I don't know. I have a point deducted. Lauren. Lauren? The Supremes. Turn it! No. Woods is dancing because he doesn't have to do anything. I know who it is. I have a guess. It's not Diana Ross. The Jackson 5. It's Michael Jackson, yeah. Oh, I thought it was Diana Ross. The Supremes Diana Ross, yeah. Oh my gosh. Woods 3, Mike 2, LLB 0.
Here we go. Woods! Deftones. Dang it! Get some! You're going to get that one by the kid. What's the score here? It's Woods 4, Mike 2, L-O-B 0. These next two are two-pointers. Two-pointers. Lauren, what happened to you? Here we go. Lauren. Terrell Kropp. That was my guess. I didn't say it. Woods! Dang it, dang it. Woods 4, Mike 2, L-O-B 2. Here we go. How many more, Jay? This is it. No, there's two more. Okay. Here we go. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Here we go. What? The pretenders. Mikey's touching buttons over there. It's making it hard for me to touch buttons. I have one more. You want to make it a four-pointer? No. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Yes. Four-pointer. Such a D. Mikey. Mikey. Scorpions. That's it. We tied. A fake tie. That means...
That M1 Steve and M1 Lisa have won. M1 Steve, are you there? Yep, stay here. M1 Lisa? Yes. I don't know how it happened, but even... You cheated. That was awesome. I didn't cheat. I just played by Jay's rules. That's my rules. Jay's rules cheat. Sorry, newbie and prude. All right. Hang on the line, you two lovebirds. You're right. I did not do well. You won. You're better than me. That's weird. I did not do well. And I stunk. Yeah, I just didn't do well. Can't win them all. Fair enough. You know what I mean? You can tie them all, though, apparently. What's that? You can tie them all, apparently, if you want to. You can, and I did. But listen, I'm only playing by the rules that are right. Rules are rules. Just make them up as you go, too. It's easy. Fur is fur. That's the way the game's played. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.
Do you want to hear Dolly Parton rap? Yes. It's caught on video at one of her concerts. And Jay has wanted me to play this for a week. Not kidding you. It's good. Mike, are you going to play that or am I going to slit your throat? Am I just wasting my time here loading stuff? Where is it, Jay? It should be right on your main page there. Main page? Yep. All right. Your working page. Let's see. What's it called? I can't find it. Dolly Parton Raps. On my main? Yeah, on your main page. It ain't there, bro. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't see it. I'm going to look for it. Mike, maybe you find them before you announce it. All right, we've got to do something else. Is anybody listening? You've got a parent in prison. Oh. 570-1949.
And I'll tell you what made me think of it. The jewel thief. They don't know he was a jewel thief. He just looked like a jewel thief. But I wonder, he got a parent in prison. Why? It fascinated me. I thought, I bet we do. Yeah. I bet we got M1s that their parents are in prison, a mom or a dad. And for what? What are they in there for? What did they do? 570-1949. Call us right now and let us know. If you have a parent that is in prison, you got any relatives, Woods? Relatives. No. I've been to jail more than... You were very defensive about it. Well, I've been to jail more than all my relatives combined. I bet that's true. That is a true statement. I've never been arrested. Happy birthday. Knock on wood. You should. And I hope I never am. It's no fun. Oh, yeah. It seems terrifying to me. It's no fun.
570-1949. If you have a parent that's in the jert for doing something, you know, it could be anything, but I thought it might be interesting to find out from you what they did. I want to know. And you can also text us. 949mikey at gmail.com. If I understand this correctly, we have Nancy Grace on the line again. She calls in from time to time. Is that you, Nancy? You don't have to say... Yes, you are, Nancy. You don't always have to say you're on TV. I think it goes without saying we know that. I know. I know you are, Nancy. Why are you calling? It's all right. If they have a parent that's been in prison. Are you segwaying into the stints that you've had in the joint? No. No. Because I've never been in the joint. Is that right? Yes, it's right. Huh. Well, I have here in my notes, let's see, Mike R. Sparza impersonating a black officer. I've never done that. Multiple occasions. No, I haven't done it once. I haven't done it once. We have, let's see, next.
Smuggling a honey bag. Now that you've done. Shut up. Shut up. That you have done. No, I haven't. Haven't you? Haven't you? Mike. Yes? TV's Nancy Grace. Is it true that you're currently a mule? A mule? No. Really? First of all, a mule is a person that swallows... Little balloons of heroin. Oh, wow. And then poops them later to get them. Shut it, Mike. Please do not be one. I'm not a mule. Isolate. Let's see. How dare you? How dare you, Woods? Isolate. Isolate. Producing fake IDs for young co-eds? No! I don't do that. 100%. I don't.
This is not on your record. Whose record? I don't know, but it isn't me. It's not my middle name. Hispanic. Uh-huh. Five foot two. I am not. Hey, Nancy. This you? No, I'm not five foot two. I'm short, but I'm not five two. All right, well. Thank you. Continue on. Thank you. That's TV's Nancy Grace. You jerk. Five foot two. Five foot two. I am not five foot two. Girl, how drunk is you? It's outstanding. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. My throat's all raspy. Yeah, I noticed that. You screaming at your wife? Yes, Woods. It's raspy because I've been screaming. Per usual. Per usual. I've been screaming at the TV for three days in a row, so I know the feeling. Why? I yanked socks a bit. Just cursing and screaming and just. Socks beat them? Yeah, two out of three. It was awesome. It's not good. That was not good for me. I was not happy. I went to a place and had a wrinkle taken out of my forehead.
What? Yes. You can do that? What's that? I thought you just said that you went to a place and had a wrinkle taken out of your forehead. I did. I had a giant cavern. I referred to it as the San Andreas Fault. Nice beaver. It's the safe tree. Maybe we make it the safe tree. It's not. It's not going to be. It never is. I had a giant cavern that ran across my forehead. Oh, that hole is big. And I wanted to take it away. So I did. Where did it go? Where did it go? Where did it go? Well, what they do is they take a little popsicle stick with a topical agent, which will numb it. Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb. And then they take a little pack of cold. They press it against there. And they stick a needle in. And they pump it full of.
This stuff. Butt fat? No. You just pull it out of your butt? No, they don't. Shoot it right in you. No, they don't do that. From crack to crack? Butt fat. No. Butt fat. They don't, in fact, go from crack to crack. Too bad because we could have called you butt head. We will anyway. Butt face. M1 Veronica from San Diego. Hi. Welcome back, guys. Thank you. Thank you. My life is back to normal now. Yes. People were very excited that we were going to be coming back. And then Jay started in like at 6.03 this morning. Started right off. And with the whole take a buck. thing and the whole DagoBog thing. I brush my teeth all over the mirror. Jay has a tendency to mess his words up sometimes. So he was trying to ask when I left the Chinese restaurant in Los Angeles, did I take a to-go box? But what he said was, did you get a DagoBog? DagoBog. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent.
I think he meant irreverent. Or irrelevant. Irrelevant. Oh, no, he meant irreverent. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. It's so good to have you guys back. Well, we're happy to be back. Oh, by the way, I'm going to make an announcement, and you'll get to hear it right now, V. Okay. So we are going to continue a live studio audience in the 9 o'clock hour. Bam! Get some. We like it. Yeah, we were calling it live in July, and what started out as something that we were just going to do for the month of July, we've decided it went good. Oh, yeah. We're going to continue. Just for the hour, just to hang out, because you guys are right, 5 o'clock is way too early. It is. You guys do it every day, but for us, it's early to get up and be down there. Yep. So hopefully, yeah, there you go. So we're going to continue doing it. And it's a great way for people to come in and meet us. Yes. And that's to meet you. Because they put my name down on the list. Yep. I want to come back in. Be nice. All right, V. We love you. Hey, thank you guys. All right. Bye. We'll see you. And we want to invite people to join us on our Facebook. If you're number one, you're a part of this family. And so go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. It's very easy to do. Okay. So over the break.
Yesterday, was it yesterday? Yes, it was. It was yesterday morning. I thought that I was saying something that was just very normal. It was actually Saturday. I suggested to people that they watch the Justin Bieber movie. It's called, I can't remember. It's the Justin Bieber documentary. And, oh. Woods is pretending that he's in his coffin. Nice Bieber. Now, Anthony Kiedis, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, said that the movie made him sob on an airplane. Well, he was kicking heroin at the time. But I'm a woman. And so when he said that, I thought, I want to see what this is about. Hold on. Yeah.
You hate the Red Hot Chili Peppers. You've made no bones about that fact. I can't stand it. Why do you give a rat's A about what Anthony Kiedis, who you don't like, says about the Justin Bieber movie? Wait a minute. That I don't like? Yeah, you don't like Anthony Kiedis and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I don't like the Red Hot Chili Peppers music. Okay. But you respect him as a movie critic. No. Okay. It's not even that I respect him as a movie critic. Because I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. If Chad Kroger told me to go watch the new Smurfs movie, I wouldn't do it for more than because it's Smurfs. Also, Chad Kroger told me not to do it. Okay. Anthony Kiedis didn't say, go see the new or watch the Justin Bieber movie. What he said was that it made him sob. Right. Now, that was interesting to me. Okay. interesting enough to create some curiosity. Sure. Like, what is it that made him sob? So you weren't curious before? No. This thing's been out a while. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm just trying to get, I'm trying to figure out what in your head goes, hmm, that's what I want to watch. No, you're definitely trying to accuse me of wanting to see the movie and using Anthony Kiedis as an excuse. Which I stand by.
It is not true. It's not. It's been out a while. It's been out like a year, I think. I've heard a lot of good things from a lot of different types of people. Yeah, I've heard a lot of good things from a lot of women. No. And teenagers. Teenage girls. Anthony Keita's a guy. Right. Barely. He's got kids. Barely. He's a badass. So we're on. We're at the hotel. My wife and I stayed at a hotel. We have a little staycation. Oh, yeah. Wow. This really caused an uproar. Oh, yeah. When I made that comment, it was like lighting a big giant warehouse full of dynamite. A warehouse full of dynamite. Now, if you'd like to call and you'd like to discuss this, like ladies and gentlemen, please do. Probably mostly ladies.
Yeah, ladies. Probably. I don't mean discuss the movie. I don't mean discuss the movie. Right. What I mean is discuss my judgment in terms of getting it. Or lack of judgment. Right. Yeah, if you have an issue, if you take umbrage with the fact that, like, why would you do that or whatever, I want to discuss it with you. Woods did. He took umbrage. Still do. Still does. We'll discuss. 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. How did you morons even get in here? More coming up on FM 94.9. We are war. We are war. We are war. We are war. We are war. Would you just shut up?
It's the Vans Warped Tour 2011, starring A Day to Remember, The Devil Wears Prada, Gym Class Heroes, Paramore, The Ready Say, Relying K, August 9th at Cricket Wireless Amphitheater, presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. The Vans Warped Tour, also featuring Asking Alexandria, Against Me, August Burns Red, Less Than Jake, We Came as Roman, Dance Gavin Dance, Go Radio, Of Mice and Man, Enter Shikari and More, August 9th at Cricket Wireless Amphitheater. presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. There's tons more at WarpedTour.com. I just want tickets. Tickets are on sale now at LiveMation.com. Ticketmaster or charge at 1-800-745-3000 for 17 years and still warped. The Vans Warped Tour 2011. We are warped. Hey, gang, it's your old pal, Woodsy. I missed you all so much. You know what else? No, I don't miss it because I already had it. I was going to say, you know what else I miss? Dr. Feldman and Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. I miss you, Dr. Feldman. I miss you too, Dr. Feldman. It has been a while since I've seen you. Listen, about a year ago, went in there, changed my life completely. I now have 2015 vision in both eyes. Went in, got a consultation. Now I got LASIK surgery. Been wanting it for years, and I finally got it. It's phenomenal. The surfing.
You know, playing baseball, all the stuff that I like to do, I can do without contacts and glasses now. So this is really cool. I've only got a couple seconds to tell you. They are honoring the heroes of our community by giving them big savings. Police officers, firefighters, military personnel, teachers, and their spouses. They're going to offer you big savings this summer. If you make your appointment by the end of August, you will get a discount. 858-452-3937 or online at www.clearvieweyes.com. Make that right. Stevie. Janet, what are you doing here? I've been thinking about what you asked, and yes, I'll marry you. What, are you kidding? That was like 15 years ago. Oh, I know. I just had to be sure you were the one. Great opportunities don't wait forever. Like the Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, where you'll find exceptional values on the most popular Lexus models, but only for a limited time. Sorry, Janet, I've got to go. But what about our wedding? Well, you might want to ask my wife of seven years about that. The Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, now through September 6th. Lease the 2011 ES350 for $399 a month for 36 months with $34.99 due at signing. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego.
Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease program limitations and offer details on the 2011 ES350. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. No security deposit required. Offer valid on Lexus Western Areas only and end September 6, 2011. Life's better with baseball. Look, it's a fact that a really impressive pitcher needs to understand the engineering and aerodynamic principles at work while a baseball is in flight. I mean, trajectory, rotational forces, the dynamics of turbulent airflow. It's crazy. So that's when you turn to Scanalysis for laser-sharp insight and postgame analysis. Bob Scanlon, only on the Saquon Casino Postgame Show. The Padres are on the road, live from New York, 345 Monday. From the remotest corners of East County to the splendor of the Silver Strand. From the innovative entrepreneur to the triumphant competitor, join us for the real San Diego stories that the local news stations simply don't have the time to tell. It's all about San Diego, and it's all right here on San Diego Insider Magazine. Don't miss the next debut edition of San Diego Insider Magazine, 6 p.m. Sunday exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego. I'm Eni Batista. This is my story.
Some of the older guys in our unit said their first time out was even tougher than they imagined. Dig in, they said. Follow orders. And wherever you go, take your Navy Federal credit card to buy a crib or a stroller or whatever baby thing your wife demands. Don't argue. Just buy. Three and a half million members from every branch of service and their families. Three and a half million stories. Navy Federal Credit Union. Some drink them in the morning. Others like them with some nachos late at night. You're up so late. I'm talking about energy drinks at a.m. p.m. Here's a secret. You can get two energy drinks from your favorite brands for only $4 at a.m. p.m. It's no secret you crave them, but it is a secret when you drink them. Come by and pick up a couple of energy drinks today and your favorite secret snacks to go along with them. A.m. p.m. Too much good stuff. At participating stores for a limited time while supplies last. See store for details. Join us to honor fascinating animals and ancient arts during the San Diego Zoo's China celebration. Open nightly June 25th through September 5th. Details at sandiegozoo.org. Hear the Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer.
This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota Dealers, Toyota Owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Make an appointment with their experts. See your dealer for details. Well, we've got an accident here on the 5 northbound. It's right before 28th Street. It's a motorcycle in the center divider. CHP is on the scene. Also, some slowing on the 805 northbound before 47th Street due to a disabled car stuck in the center divider. And you have a backup on the 160. pretty tight between the 805 and the 52. This report also brought to you by Chevy. The Chevy model year wrap-ups here get in on their greatest model year yet. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. I'm Sir Shedd with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Monday morning. Brought to you again by Frost Brewed Coors Light. When the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. This morning, kind of cold out there as well. A little weather change to greet you this morning. A little overcast and a little bit of moisture, too. Surf-wise, a little bit smaller as well. Southwest release swell still remains the dominant direction. Secondary west-northwest windswell continues to back off.
Looking at waves running in that needle waist-high zone on average, maybe a few chest-type plus waves that only those areas most open into that weaker but dominant southwest swell direction. Moderate high tide will greet you right at dawn, dropping off to a moderate low, too. So not a whole lot of tide variations until late this evening when the tide does race back up. Beach break, really about the only place to find a rideable wave today. Those reef breaks, at least down in the south county proper, are all but backed off and small. Clean conditions, though. Water temps still pretty darn cold in the lower 60s as well. You might want to give it a miss this morning. Wait for the sunshine to come on out. That will give you at least a little bit more of a warm sensation. For up-to-the-minute surf report forecasts, go to surfline.com. And for your surfboard restoration and repair needs, the only one in town is Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to The Mikey Show. With Mikey. When you're fat, you're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best movie ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jay. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Oh, man. I didn't. It's, well, being back on the air and... Here we go. I was thrown off.
New routine. Football trivia. Football trivia is coming up in a half an hour. We will ask Woods football trivia questions. And if he can't answer them, we'll get him with an airsoft pistol. Don't do this at home, kids. We have to remind you of that. Jared at createyourdesignonline.com is simply the greatest. And he's a new dad. Check them out, createyourdesignonline.com. I have not said the word inch yet, but when I work that into a sentence between now and 10, if you're a caller 9, you'll get tickets to go to the Chargers-Seahawks preseason game on Thursday. All right, 570-1949. Call us if you would like to throw in your two cents about the Bieber movie.
Not about the movie, but about me watching it. Never say never, it's called. Never say never. You should have said never. I said never. Okay. Nice Bieber. Sometimes say never. Sometimes say never. That's the subtitle of the movie. Right. Well, sometimes say never. If you're a 41-year-old bald Latino man with tattoos up and down one arm, then say never. Okay? Were you medicated? Right. You guys, all you got to do is you have to explain to me how you're not closed-minded, small-minded, mental midget. I didn't watch the Britney Spears movie either, pal. You know why? Because it sucks. It's not my style of music. Wait, wait, wait. You can't say it sucks. I've never seen it. So how can you possibly say it sucks? You've never seen it. Because it's Britney Spears as an actress. You can say it probably sucks. It probably does. But you haven't seen it. But Justin Timberlake's a good actor. You just never know. He's a great actor. Oh, yeah, he's great. Wait. The documentary or the movie? Movie. Crossroads. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the deal. I wouldn't do that because that's acting. This is a documentary? Right.
You would watch a documentary on dirt. That's true. So here's the deal. It doesn't hold as much weight with me when you're like, oh, it's the best. Because every documentary you see, you're like, it's the best. It's the best. I can wrap my head around that. I understand that. You know? I understand that. But I do not say that every doc is great. But I will watch any doc. That's a true statement. But they're not all good. Right. I'll watch any doc, but that doesn't mean they're all good. Now, the Justin Bieber movie, it shocks me that somebody wouldn't be willing to watch it. Really? Yeah. And the reason that I say that is because, you know, now, you can do all the jokes you want. You're allowed. Oh, we're gonna. Okay. There's no question. But what I'm going to tell you is I'm going to speak seriously about this for the next 60 seconds. For me, it was a question of, it didn't have anything to do with me liking his music. Because I don't have anything for his music. I don't feel anything about, I couldn't tell you the name of a Justin Bieber song. All I know is that he sings R&B. But that's all I know. And that he's got funny hair. Girlish good figure.
Okay, like I said, you can make all the jokes that you want to make. I think she's being serious. But I'm going to tell you how I really felt about this. Now, as it turns out, he was a freakishly talented kid from the time he was a little kid. I didn't know that. That when he was two years old, he could play the drums. Not bang on them. Play them. Which I thought was really fascinating. instruments and was like a child prodigy beat it now woods and and a lot of people were implying this sort of like gayness to it like he's well first of all he's not gay no that guy does fine he gets his i mean he's a lesbian i think yeah with that haircut again you can make the jokes i mean
Leave it to beaver. But let's say, let's go as far as to say, let's say he was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Well, yeah, I mean, I thought that the whole bit was, you know, Woods is like real in on gays. I love gays. Yeah. I sleep. And so for somebody that is as open-minded as you are. Oh, God. You're grasping it strong. Am I? Listen, I won't watch the movie because he sucks. Yeah. And his music sucks. Yeah. And I'm not going to give credence to some kid because he can play the drums when he's two years old. Yeah. He sucks. Yeah. Suck. Yeah. Now. I'll fist fight that little kid. Oh, yeah. I will fist fight him. Now, maybe the music, maybe the music sucks.
But one thing that I found out from watching it, because I didn't know anything from Justin Bieber, is that he doesn't suck. He's the opposite of sucking. You're going to give me the talented musician bit now? Oh, not just as a musician playing, but he's a phenomenal singer. He's sitting sausage. Oh, wow. That makes me think you're one of the smartest guys I know, Woods. I don't like. I don't like. First of all, I don't like little white kids singing like black guys. I don't think it sounds good. Like, he doesn't sound good. It's not his fault. He's not Montel Jordan. They ushered him up. Right. Usher ushered him up. Usher sings like Usher. Usher sings good. I don't want to see Little Beaver like, yeah, what's up, girl? What's up, girl? Come on, I'm going to roll up on you on the club. I mean, get, dude. I'll stab that kid. I get it. I get it. I get it. I understand that. You had me tell you were going to stab him. Just in the leg. Oh, okay. Then I'm in. Now, they put Bieber on YouTube. His mom puts him on YouTube. This guy sees him. Guy lives in Atlanta. Sees him and goes, I want to make some money off this kid. So he's writing all of these various people surrounding Bieber. And his mom thinks he's a creep, like maybe a pervert. Sex pervert.
So she finally calls him back to tell him, stop doing this. I don't want you to have anything to do with my kid, and I think you're weird. And he changed her mind, took two hours, but he changed her mind. He said, I want to fly you and him out to Atlanta, and that's it. If you don't like what I have to say, then you've got a free vacation. She says, all right. So they go to Atlanta. He picks. them up and uh he knows usher and he says to bieber you're gonna meet usher but i don't want you to say a word don't say anything don't speak usher gets out of this car bieber runs up to him and says yo man i'm the biggest fan and he doesn't actually talk like that i found out but i'm doing that he doesn't i you know i watched it he didn't and i was like waiting for him to go yo what's up what's up but
He says, hey, I'm your biggest fan. Can I sing for you? And Usher blows him off. You're a nice kid and walks past him and goes into the studio. And the guy goes, I told you. I just said to you. Do you remember what I just said? Don't talk to him. Don't say anything to him. So no record companies. They can't get any interest from the record companies because the record companies are like, nobody's going to play a white kid. On the radio that is doing like the black bit. Nobody's going to do that. No ice is over. Exactly. Snow. They couldn't get anybody to pay attention. So what they had to do was they had to give some credibility to him. Right. So they videotape him singing for Usher for the first time. When he's done, Usher says, who the hell is he? And he says, I was the kid that you blew off.
When you were walking into the studio and Usher was like, oh, you're that little lesbian. That was you. Now, like I said, you can make your jokes. I thought that was Katie. I thought that was Katie Lang running. But the kid obviously had chops or Usher wouldn't have done what he did. Go ahead, Woods. No, I got nothing, dude. I got nothing. I'm speechless. I'm disappointed. I'm hurt. I am too. I'm embarrassed. Now, see, I have these feelings. I have these feelings about Woods. Now, what am I? Because I'm angry. Am I hurt, sad, or fearful? Well, I'm hurt with a ridicule. And I'm sad that an educated guy. is so close-minded. I'm not. I'm very... And you're a music snob. You're a music snob. I'm a musician, so... I have... I have very strict morals about music and very strict ideals. I have very strict morals about music. Not about life or the way I live and things like that, but... I have very strict morals about music. Maybe ideals is a better word. So, in other words, like, for you, music can't be slutty.
Or, you know, because you have these morals. I misspoke. I see. Ideals. Okay. Okay. He's... Convictions, if you will. Talented. Great. So is Liberace. Yeah. So is Miley. I mean, you could say Miley Cyrus is talented, but I have zero interest in her. Zero interest. It sucks. I don't want to see a documentary on her. If 16-year-old girls are in on something, I'm out on it. Yeah. I will give you. $100 to watch it. You realize you practice the definition of insanity, Mike. And rape. That, too. You're a raper. Wood says I'm a movie raper. You are. There's no question you're a movie raper. And you'll never get him that way. Why can't you just like what you like? And then I like what I like. But wait, you don't have to sell me on it. But if I were a movie rapist...
I wouldn't offer you $100. Now you're a John. Now that makes more sense. You're a movie John. I'm a movie John. And I'm trying to make him a movie prostitute. And I'm trying to make you a movie prostitute. Yes. I'm trying to pick him up on the corner. Right. Get him in your car. Do our business. Drive around and watch Justin Bieber movies. And pay me $100 for my service. But that's consensual. And I want it to be consensual. I won't watch it. For $100. $1,000. I'll do it. $1,000. I want to do a bake sale to raise the funds. Touch my body. Lauren just got a look on her face that went, oh, that was odd. Strange placement, you know, maybe for that. Like you need to say something like, watch this movie and get, it seems like it's more your cup of tea. Woods would be like, what? I need to say it. No, here's how you get me. Woods. do not watch that movie. Don't watch it. And then I'll be like, yeah, don't watch it. Then I'll run and watch it. I said, I texted him no less than seven times and said, trust me. I think I deleted him, but trust me. He probably thought it was Ellen and he's like, I'm not going to watch an Ellen movie. You can't make the mental separation in your head between him being
a teen idol. No. And there being a compelling story. No, I can't. See, that makes me think that. Exactly. That makes me go, well, what are you, mentally midget? No, I don't like his music. You can't separate him. Therefore, I'm not interested in him. Waste of time. Therefore, yeah, it's a waste of my time. You like a musician named Ryan Adams. Yeah. Who once tweeted the new Nickelback album. It's really good. Right. What do you think about that? Ryan Adams is so prolific, he can do whatever he wants. He writes, he puts out four albums a year. He has four different bands he's in. He plays four different kinds of music. So because he's prolific, means he likes Nickelback? And it was on Twitter, so he could have been doing a bit. And people can like what they want. I don't like his music, though. I don't like Bieber's music. Right, but you love his movie. And his haircut. And that's what you say today. Oh, you will be in on his music. You bought some. You bought some. I didn't. Can I look? Yeah. Come here. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm positive. You will, though. You have it hidden under something else. No. You're going to go, gosh, you know, maybe I should give this guy a chance. No. Why not him? There wasn't the slightest bit of you that said, maybe I'll check it out, because I'll tell you this. I will be honest with you. No. Are you ready? Yeah. I'm going to be honest with you. Every time I watched a Behind the Music on, it could be Salt-N-Pepa.
I watched it behind the music. I was like, I'm going to go buy some of their stuff. Always. And I mean 100% of the time. You didn't? No. Why not? He's such a good musician. He's so great. He's so talented. Why wouldn't you buy his music? I mean, you have Miley Cyrus. Because Miley Cyrus, I like it. I like it. But you don't know you don't like it. You don't know any of the songs. I heard it all through the movie. You didn't like it? But he's so talented. There was one song I kind of liked. But other than that one song, I didn't really like it. There was one song that I liked. You should get it. And it was called, maybe I'll get that one. It was called The Loneliest Girl. It's about himself? Yeah, he's looking in the mirror. See, so you guys do think that he's gay. No. Yeah, you do. He's not gay. He's feminine. That guy closes more business than I could ever imagine. Trust me. I don't believe you. I think that when we go off the radio, you're going to say. Oh. He's queer as a $3 bill. No, there's no way. No question you were going to say. No, no. I was not going to say that. I was going to say no queer. The guys from Hanson all look like little girls. Right. But none of them, you never thought any of them were gay. You're just like, why are chicks in on these girls? Well, one of the things that I texted to Woods is I said, it's like finding out Tiger Woods is really, really good at chess. And that's what this movie was like for me because it turns out Bieber, that dude can play some drums.
Like can really play, like really play. Yeah, he joins Queens of the Stone Age. I'll watch him. He probably could have. Yeah. Well, if he just mans up a little bit, then okay. But I have no idea. Well, he took his in in the industry because I saw his YouTube videos that were up there. He can play the guitar. He's actually, I thought he was better before they ushered him up. No pun intended. Yeah. Ushered him up. Yes. You know. Usher got his hands on him. There's another one. As soon as Usher got into him. Man, the black folk love me. I love black folk because I'm black. That's actually Justin Bieber. Yeah. That's a quote. He's confused. Yes. Yeah, and as it turns out, he won some Teen Choice Award. Weird. Fine. It's where he belongs. Yeah. And that's where he'll stay. He'll be a 36-year-old teeny bopper. Meanwhile.
Woods likes a lot of stuff he just won't admit. No, I admit to everything I like. No. Yeah, but I'm not into the music. Honestly, I can tell you, I'm not into his music. But, man, I thought it was a very fascinating documentary. Nobody's calling. Yeah, everyone's embarrassed. They're scared and they're embarrassed. Ashamed. And ashamed. Angry. How did your wife take it? I want to say thank you so much to all my fans for being so amazing. Especially Mike. I just want to say that. Yo, big Mike. Like three years ago, I was chilling at home in Canada on a couch watching TV. All right, maybe he does talk like that, Woods. I'm sorry. He does. I owe you an apology, and I'm sorry. You're right, he does. He's a big bit. Chilling. The Teen Choice Awards, and now I'm here on the stage, and it's amazing. I want to thank every one of you guys in here, everyone at home watching, and I want to say that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.
You've got to keep God first and always remember to keep family first. Jesus loves every one of you. And I want to say thank you so much. You guys are amazing. Oh, no. That's why. That's why. Now it all makes sense. It all makes sense. I promise you. Now it all makes sense. Jesus bit. That's why you're in. That is 100% why. Tim Tebow, you're in on that guy. You're in on... Now you're in on Justin Bieber. Mike, you got a Pontius Pilate t-shirt on. You got a Pontius Pilate t-shirt on. Yeah. That's it. Now I know. It's not. Now I know. That's the end of that mystery. Yeah, I guess so. Real good. Mystery solved. Uncovered it. I just found some DNA here, everybody, and it matches our defendant, Michael R. Esparza. I know I can't even... I can't even... You're done. That's it. Let's go back to building that arc in your backyard. Dang it. And there it is. Just find a smoking gun. M1 Adam from Marietta. Hey, I just wanted to say Justin Bieber. Favorite part about Justin Bieber's career was when he was on CSI and Nick Stokes shot him. There you go. I saw that. I saw that coming up. He was terrible on that, too. Oh, he was so bad. Me scared.
Yo, me scared. So bad. Get that 911 up in here. I'm not saying he's a good actor. I'm saying the kid knows he's a good musician. He's a kid of faith. So you're all the way in. Now we know. Dang it, that's not it. He had you at Jesus loves you. 100%. Oh, my gosh. That's it. Now you're sold. All the way in. You, Tebow, Bieber, just kicking it real good. What did my wife say? Yeah. Well. She was bawling. It's very inspirational, the movie. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you cry? No, I didn't. But what did she say about the movie? It turns out that the kid's very charming and that he's very likable. Oh, I'm sure. Fake accent. Yeah, just faking it up real good. Ghettos of Canada. Gangster real good. Gangster from Toronto. Yeah. Just kicking it in Saskatchewan. Just ice fishing. Playing hockey. Eating mayonnaise and french fries. Gravy. Fine, Woods. We'll talk about something you're into. Oh, great. There's some, you know, stuff on Satan here that I'm sure. I'm going to do the comparison thing. I'm going to play you a song. And I'm going to play you a song from a famous person.
who is getting sued because they say, you ripped me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this bit. So I'll play you that when we come back. We got an audience coming in today, right? Yep. Yes, sir. Very cool. We're going to keep that going. Welcome back. Have not said the word of the day yet. Word of the day is inch. When you hear me work that into a sentence between now and 10. Caller 9 gets tickets to go see the Chargers take on the Seahawks at Qualcomm. Thursday night, nationally televised game. You know, leave it to the Mexican military to accidentally land a helicopter in Laredo, Texas instead of Mexico. Oops. They thought they were landing at an airstrip in Nuevo Laredo. But it turned out, no, it was actually a different country.
It wasn't Mexico. It was the U.S. and it was Texas. Well done. Yeah. They had the radio on? Did they have the radio on? Yes, they got distracted. They just broke right into dance when they heard this? That is correct. Maybe their piñata fell and steered them the wrong way. My mom is racist against her own race. Which is hysterical. Yep. She's Mexican. We're full-blooded Mexican, actually. Yeah. And she would probably say, oh, those dumb Mexicans. And she's Mexican. She didn't have any other blood except for Mexican. Interesting. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, the streak is at four. My friend, the Padres have won four games in a row. They win two more games. You've got to shave a fryer. Allegedly, allegedly. Let's not get all crazy and stuff. Pretty set in stone, actually. Done deal. I have a stone tablet. I'll just quit.
But they have won four in a row. They have won four games in a row. They've been hitting the crud out of the ball. Now they're going to New York. They're going to take on the Mets today, 4-10. It's Tim Stauffer against Mike Pelfrey. There you go. Feast on that. I don't want to get trashed. I know you don't want to. I don't want one. I know you don't want it. I've really been working on this hair. I'm spending a lot of money on it. Well, I just really don't want it. to do it. You mean the deep condition that you got done at the ladies salon? It was not a ladies salon. It's a salon. Primarily. No, no. There was a guy in there. 99%. Yeah, you were the guy. No, no. There was another guy in there. Oh. His name was Justin Bieber. One of the stylists? Yeah, actually he was. Oh, well, there you go. So. I don't want to do it. I know you don't. I don't want to do it. But there's a lot of things that you say. Right. And then, you know, you don't want to follow through with. There's a lot?
Can you name one? Probably name 12. Can you? Yep, I can. Fire away. You were going to quit smoking. I did quit smoking. You still smoke. But I quit for two months. Oh, okay. You were going to do P90X. I did P90X. Yeah. But you were going to keep doing it. I never said that. I said I'm going to do P90X. I didn't say I was going to finish it. Well, part of it is that it's 90 days. Is that right? Yeah. No, I didn't finish it, but I did it. Continue. I'm talking about stuff on the air. Oh. You usually do it. You'll do it. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes there's a little bit of... Right. This I don't want to do. Yes. If they don't lose, I'm not going to show up to her. Got to shave. I'm freaking out. Fryer cut in your hair. My wife is beyond furious. Of course she is. She is. Of course. Furious. Of course. Furious. She loves the new long hair bit. She loves it. I don't blame her, but you did say that you would do it. No. I'll take it back. Be writing checks that your mouth can't count. That. I'll write one. That's right. I'll write one.
That's right, Woodsy. Don't hate the player. Hate the game. However it goes. A singer named Rebecca Franciotti is suing Lady Gaga. Because in 1999, she did a song called Judah. Here's some of the song. Her song's called Judah. Gaga's song is called Judas. Right. And they don't even sound kind of alike. Well, Mike, because they both have J-U-D-A in the name. Yeah, that's one letter off. Right. Paul McCartney's actually suing, too, because of Hey Jude. Might as well. It's about as close. In just a few moments, we're going to be playing football trivia.
By We I Mean Woods. And he and Lauren and Jay will have airsoft pistols in our hands. If Woods gets one of the questions wrong, he gets a bullet. We all get to fire. When Woods gets one of the questions wrong. What do you mean when? Because I know I'm going to... When you're up there and you're running back and forth and seeing you guys holding those pistols, you lose your mind a little bit. It is not easy to do. Let's see. M1... Doug Tastic from PB actually has a sports question for Woods. Bam. Yeah, hi, Woods. Hi. Listen, I noticed you, and I think you might have omitted something. What's that? I think I know why. Well, this weekend there was a certain piece. Yeah, I talked about it earlier. I mentioned it earlier. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Well, you... I said the Sox beat the Yankees. You didn't report on it. No, I'm... I had to ask you. Right. The Sox beat the Yankees. We have... 27 World Championships. So if you guys won 25 more, then you would be tied. But what's going on this season? Well, they're one game up right now with a lot to go. You guys, for sure. You guys. And he would mention it. Yeah, I would mention it. I'm not afraid. When the Yankees win the series.
I don't ever mention it. I never talk Yankees anymore. He will mention it. I don't talk Yankee sports. I talk Padres and Chargers. You refer to them as pinstripes so that you say the word Yankees. You just get it out there. No, I don't. You say gear and the boys. No, I don't. You know I don't. Okay, fair enough. I must have missed it earlier. You missed it. Congratulations. To your defense, Woods didn't actually report on it. Again, I had to. Stay with the local stuff here. I do the local stuff. Pry it out of it. No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. I did it when I first started. No, I did it when I first started. And then I don't do it anymore. Thank you. They got me. I'll tip my cap, you know, but whatever. It's a long season. Will they play a series again? Oh, yeah. There's several more series. I mean, every time these two play, it's like the Super Bowl. It's ridiculous. Did you curse at all? Oh, dude. One of our guys hit a homer last night. Next batter up, Derek Cheater, and they drill him right in the hip. You think I'd curse then? You think I'd punch the wall a little bit? They are such Bush League. They're the biggest Bush League team I have ever seen. And they always have been. And they always will be.
Suck it. So, wait a minute. Now, are you telling me that no Yankees have done that? Oh, when you look at the record of... You're so passionate right now. When you look at the record of... You're very passionate. ...hit batsmen, they are far and away above us. You just made the word batsmen up. No, that's a real word. That's a real word. Now, Tiger Woods ex-caddy Steve Williams. Oh, man. Now, you know this guy went on a tirade against Tiger because Tiger fired him. And he went on a tirade and he said, well, you know, I just thought it was... Kind of messed up because I stood by him while he was having sex with everything. You know, two legs. Sometimes not even two legs. He'd deal with anyone. And I stood by him, which I thought was pretty lame because I was like, well, he did what anybody would do. I found out how much he made with Tiger in his career. How much? $9 million. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, but you know what?
Steve Williams, bravo to you for being such a champion. A martyr, really? A martyr. A martyr. A martyr and a hero. You know what? For standing by him. Nine million dollars during the course of his career with Tiger. I will admit, I have gone a complete 180 degrees on Steve Williams. He is a huge, huge clown. And a big, flapping baby. Yeah. Well, over the weekend... He was caddying for Adam Scott, who won the Bridgestone Invitational. And here is what he had to say afterwards. I'll tell you, Stevie, that's, you know, somebody has won seven times here. I think you've got eight flags now. Is that right? No, eight. It? It. It's actually eight. Hey, I've got to tell you, David, I've been a caddy for 33 years, and that's the best week of my life, and I'm not joking. I'm never, ever going to forget that week. The people here this week have been absolutely unbelievable, and all the support from the people back in New Zealand, including my family. Honestly, that's the best week of my life. I caddy for 33 years. We heard you. We get it. We heard you. How many years have you caddied? 33. 145 wins now, and that's the best win I've ever had. Not that he's keeping track. Right.
Basically, what I want to say is I just want to get it out there. Tiger, this was better than anything I ever did with you. Just want you to know. 13 majors he won with Tiger. 13 majors. And this tournament in Akron, Ohio, was better than Augusta. It was better than the British. And the only reason it was is because you fired me, Tiger. And I'm shoving it in your face. Do you know how excited I was? Tiger was playing pretty well during this tournament. You know what? It could have happened. If Tiger had played a little better, they could have been paired together in the final round, which would have been the final day. Tiger, his old caddy, and the new guy. Can you imagine? It would have been maybe the highest rated golf round four in a while. How sad is it now that we're talking to caddies, though, after the game? Hey, let's talk to the caddy and see what it is. Well, it's not just a caddy, though. It's a caddy with a major story.
Yeah, it's a big deal. Major storyline. I mean, there's a major storyline to this caddy. By the way, I saw Cowboys and Aliens. Terrible. Duh. You know what, Woods? When you're right, you're right. You know what? You were right, and you were right for all the reasons that you said you would be right. It's clownish, wasn't it? It's Cowboys and Aliens. But the premise sounds so good. All right. All right. Unbelievable. There's a new movie coming out called Wieners and Sandals. So, I mean, those things go together like, you know, like cowboys and aliens. Yeah, robots and Native Americans. Well, here was my thinking. My thinking was, well, if you're going to believe that there's UFOs, why wouldn't you believe that they've been here a while? It's not like they just showed up at the adventure of the car. You know what I mean? You said, though, that it wasn't the movie's fault. I did? Yeah, in your post you said, I didn't like the movie, but it wasn't the movie's fault. I couldn't figure out what you were talking about. I wanted to know. I was probably pandering to anybody reading it. And I was probably just trying to keep everybody liking me. And I was trying to have it both ways. You wanted your cake and you wanted to eat it. Yeah, I was trying to have it both ways. I was trying to not offend people while being critical. The old PC bit.
Yeah, I was trying to be PC, but the truth is that it was entirely the movie's fault. I bet it's long, too. Is it really long? I don't remember. I don't remember it being exceptionally... How's Daniel Craig in it? Not good. Not good. You want to know why? Because Daniel Craig is... British or something. British cowboy. He doesn't speak British. And you can hear it, man. Does he do the fake southern accent? Well, it wasn't even that. It was just American, and you can hear it. Now, I'll tell you the one that shocked me. Captain America. Shocked me. Not only was it good, it's one of the best movies I've seen in a really long time. Really? It's got a feel-good hit to it. I mean, you know, how can you root against our hero? Through the whole movie, I was thinking to myself, this is really good. 3D bit, too. Yep. How is that? It doesn't matter. It doesn't take away. Still didn't do anything. It doesn't take anything away. It doesn't add anything. But it's real good. Captain America is a real... I'll buy it when it comes out. You went to the theater and saw it? Yes. I guess you had to. Yeah. No, I didn't watch it on my...
3D TV? My brother, by the way, God love him. Mark, great guy. Next to L.O.B. and Jay, the cheapest guy I know. He's third in that pecking order? No. He's first. He's first. Holy cow. That man, my brother, has a television set that is two years younger. Then my niece, who's 28. His television is 26 years old. His main television? Yes. And Woods, when it was on, it was red. Does it have a big wooden box around it? It weighs 7,000 pounds. It's a Sony. And at one point, we were watching television.
Channel 9, no sound. Every other channel, sound. And he called someone. I don't know if the cable company or something. He called somebody and went through the customer service and told them. And they were able to help him to get it going again. And I said, you know, is it possible it's time? And he said, no, it still works. Did you TV rape him? Yes. TV raping, you mean did I try to get him to buy a new television? Over and over and over. And keep talking about it. Wouldn't you? Probably. Yeah. If it was my brother, yeah. No question. It was red. It was red. The whole TV, the picture, had a red hue. It adds character. Does it?
Flat screens are like $200. Yeah, of course. They're practically giving them away at Costco as a sample. They are. You can get one for nothing now. With the purchase of 800 hot dogs. But I'll tell you what. That guy's got thousands of dollars worth of guns. Right. I saw those things. Oh, dude. He doesn't want to get the internet put in. He doesn't want to get the whole time I was there. His wireless wouldn't work. And he had a, oh man, if he's listening, don't get mad at me, Mark. I love you. It's just good material, bro. It's great material. He had the wire, the Ethernet wire running through the house across the carpet and you'd have to plug it into the computer. You know, why? Why? Because he doesn't want to spring the dough to have it done correctly because his house is old.
And the wiring is all old. You don't want to pay for it. There are hobos. That have wireless. Yes. Hobos. Yeah. For real. They have a stick with a red bandana full of clothes, and they have wireless. Well, there's a router in there. When they were building his house, he had them build into the house this underground kind of room storage thing that's a giant safe where he keeps all of his guns. And he doesn't want to get a new cable system because they would know about his safe. You just lock them in there after they put the wiring in. Yeah. Bury them with the tomb. Basically. But it's a... Homicidal. Red... Yeah. A little sociopathic. Criminal intent. Criminal intent and homicidal. I just kill him. Stop him out. Mike, I got one for you. Funny.
When the cable guy comes to put the thing in, your brother kidnaps him. Hold him for ransom. Does he have a sauna? He can sweat him out. Dehydrate him. Why does it have to be a guy? Put a bucket in there. Cable guy. Cable. I just want to put in wireless. You're the last person in Arizona to get wireless. Literally. Can I just get it, put it in there? That's, oh no. What if I give it to you for free? Still not as funny as killing you. It's hysterical. I just made the joke on KBZT. If in 949. It's hysterical. I can if it's funny. Well, what is an M1? Well, it should be a J1. Yeah, J1.
It will be by the time I'll say that. J-Show. Okay. It won't even be FM anymore. It'll be JM. I don't know. You still apply? Feels good to be back. That does. Don't let me. When we come back, football trivia. We ask the questions. If Woods don't get them right, he gets shot with an airsoft gun. Should be called an air hard gun. We'll do that next. How's our chance? Let's do it. More from The Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. FM 94.9. This is the FM concert coming here. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out like tonight.
Head over to Humphrey's for the San Diego Music Awards. It's kind of a big deal. Waves, Little Hurricane, The Silent Comedy, and a bunch of other local bands will be performing live and winning awards and having fun. Humphrey's tonight, San Diego Music Awards. Always a good time. See us at House of Blues on the 11th. Steel Pulse are there on the 14th. On the 16th, Death Cab for Cutie hits the remake. And on the 19th, 311 and Sublime with Rome play Cricket Wireless. And still to come this summer, Company of Thieves on the 24th. Two Nights of Thievery Corporation, September 7th and 8th. And about the music show with Givers at the Casbah, September 11th. Also, The Mother Hips, TV on the Radio and Arctic Monkeys, Two Door Cinema Club, Portugal the Man, Peter, Bjorn, and John. And about the music show with... The pains of being pure at heart. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Selection is everything during Toyota's nationwide clearance event. Right now, Toyota dealerships have the summer's best inventory and the year's biggest deals on your favorite vehicles. Now, save thousands with 0% financing on a new 2011 Camry, America's best-selling car.
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If you go to FM949SD.com, you can print out a 20% off coupon, which is pretty awesome. You can do that as well. You want them? They got them? Go get them. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business? Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters and vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. One-inch binder, just 50 cents. Three-pack paper-made erasers, just 50 cents. Pourable glue, one cent. That's right, one cent.
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Chicken McNuggets foul! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Look, these aren't fries, Doug. These are McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. There are rules. You can't just grab them like that. Yeah, but you got 20 of them for $4.99. McNuggets rule number one. Always ask before taking one, even though, yes, the 20 piece is now just $4.99. All right, note. Taken. Two, never ever double dip. But what if I... Flip the McNugget on its other side? Yeah. Yeah, that's acceptable. Well, that's a relief. But no crossovers. Dipping into barbecue sauce after sweet and sour will result in a major penalty. So, choose your sauce wisely. The simple joy of golden, crispy deliciousness. The irresistibly tender and juicy McDonald's 20-piece chicken McNuggets are now just $4.99 every day. Most important rule. One McNugget at a time. What was that last one? Price and participation may vary. McDonald's would like you to know that they're open late. They're also open late late and way late. In fact, many locations throughout San Diego are now open 24 hours. So drive through anytime. Participation varies. It's no secret that when you start with something better, you get something better. It's why some of the sweetest peaches come from sunny Georgia. Why some of the most revered grapes come from the fertile soil of Napa Valley.
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FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts, reviews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. That's Blink. New Blink. Give me an inch. Take a mile. Now that's Blink. For a second, I thought Woods was big time, but it's eye protection. He's got sunglasses on. Hollywood. Yeah, Hollywood. Sunglasses indoor. That's right. Indoors, too. But, okay, so. Did you hear it, Woods? What? He said sunglasses indoor. Are you ready? Hold on. Let's test this, Mike. Go ahead. Let's see if it sounds okay. Check, baby, check. One, baby, one, two, three. Yeah, well, we'll find out from listeners. We're going to find out if that sounds okay. I hope it sounds okay.
Woods is wearing sunglasses, a football helmet, and football pads. First, M1 Tony from Escondido, what was the word of the day? Inch, Mikey. That is correct. Word of the day was Inch. And you, my friend, are going to see the Chargers and the Seahawks preseason game on Thursday. Only nationally televised game there is. Hang on. Hang on a line. Jay, you can't shoot him yet. I didn't. I just pointed it at him. Don't point a loaded gun. You can't point it at him yet. Can I? No, don't. Don't. Woods is also barefoot. He's abrasive. He's also barefoot. And he's got a football in his hand. Jay. What? I'm going to kill him. All right, I'm coming out there. Come on out. This sucks. Jay? Yes, sir. I want the good one. I know you do. Where's my gun? Please take it easy.
It's cut. It's ready to shoot. Hey, and stand back over there. Who's yours? Let's stand back. Let's stand back. Oh, sorry. Sorry. No, we're good. All right. Okay, so what we do is ask Woods a question. If he gets the question right, then we cannot shoot. But if he gets the question wrong, the football question wrong, then we get to shoot. We've all got airsoft pistols, and I believe we're ready to go. I hate this bit so much. Woods, are you ready for question number one? Stop aiming. Are you ready for question number one? Stop aiming. I thought we'd get to aim. Just draw him up and shoot for the love of God. All right, so put your pistol down, Jay. He's like a sniper. All right, you ready? Lee Harvey Oswald over there.
Woods, what was Junior Seau's jersey number when he was a San Diego Charger? 55. That is correct. Woods, number two. And there's seven questions. Oh, great. What player was known for the catch in the 82 NFC Championship game? Dwight Clark. That is correct. Dang it. Come on. Hey, if he doesn't get one wrong, that's fine. Look at, Jay got so disappointed slash irritated. Question number three. What famous NFL head coach led the Pittsburgh Steelers to four Super Bowl titles in the 70s? Chuck Knoll. That is correct. I'm actually rooting for Woods. I bet they're going to get harder. Number four. In what round was fighting Irish Joe Montana drafted to the 49ers? 16. That is wrong. That is wrong. Oh, wow.
That is incorrect. He was selected in the third round. My dad just keeled over from a heart attack. All right. You ready for the next one? Yeah. Oh, and you're right, Woods. I have to say that's incorrect before we shoot, and I shot, you know. Yeah. Okay. Are you ready, Woods? Yeah. On February 1st, 2004, Janet Jackson's famous wardrobe malfunction incident stunned. Super Bowl audiences. What teams were playing that day in the Super Bowl? That was the... He doesn't know, so he can shoot. I took one on the hip. Oh, that hurt. All right. What was the answer? The answer was the New England Patriots versus the Carolina Panthers. I almost said Titans. Excuse me, how many more? Two more. Can't count.
All right, Woods. Yeah. NFL bust. Thank you for that question, by the way. I thought that was an easy one. NFL. He's out of breath. NFL bust. David Carr went to what college? Houston. That is incorrect. Did you shoot, L.A.B.? Yes, I did. Woods, he went. David Carr went to Fresno State. One last question. Are you ready, Woodsy? Yeah. What is the name of the Philadelphia Eagles Stadium? Lincoln Financial Stadium. That is correct. Better get that one. I know. I was going to say, that's our company. You had to get that one. We're all done. I'm going to unload over there. Yeah, go ahead. You want to take it or should I? I hurt my ankle again. All right. That was great. Woods, you were great. Yeah, he was impressive. You bound up. You got two wrong.
Not the ones I thought you would get wrong, but you did get two wrong. Man, Jay loves to shoot woods. He delights. He delights in shooting woods. Any pain that woods get. Oh, wow. Took one right in the back. I can see it. Pellet. Ouch. Yeah, they do. I mean, I only had to do it once, but once was enough for me. Yeah. Ouch. You really got out of breath out there, that short little... Insult injury. It's killing me! It's killing me! I would have done it perfectly. Except he would have gone 0 for 7 with those questions. Oh, yeah. He didn't know anything about football. Chris, where's Kraz? 570-1949. Oh, this is cool, man. Some stuff I found that...
You'll actually, even Woods, who usually doesn't care about gadgety stuff, these are five must-haves for back to school. Even you will think this is cool, Woods. Okay. It's the smart, it's called the LiveScribe Smart Pen. Okay, so you take this to college and there's a lecture going on and you're taking notes with this pen. Well, it's also recording. as you're going along. And so what you can do is if you missed something, you can touch the pen to that part of your notes and it will play back the audio of that portion. So you'll hear your professor. So you'll be like, you know, did I forget something here? You just touch the pen to the paper to those words and it'll do it. Unbelievable. Isn't that great? That's incredible.
Here's another one. The ultimate alarm clock. Now, you have to ask yourself before hearing this, do I want to get up? Because if you're serious about getting up and out of bed, this will do it. But a lot of people might say, screw that. But it's going to make you get up. What it is is a little plastic propeller. So when the alarm goes off, it goes... And it sends the propeller up. And the only way that you can shut it off is by getting the propeller. No way. You got to catch it. That's awesome. And it won't land. It's like catching a chicken in the coop. Yeah. And they've got another one that will chase you. You pay more money for it to chase you, but it will like...
relentlessly pursue you. Wow. To wake you up. To wake you up. That's incredible. It's amazing. I love it. It's called the flying alarm clock. What about this? There's something called the e-reader and you know what these are. That's like the Kindle. Now, instead of having to go lug around all those books in college, you can rent them on the Kindle. Rent them. Out on that. Why? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I'm out. You can take notes. You can highlight. Hold on. Here's why I'm out. LOB, you can attest to this. Is there any better day in your college career than the day you sell your books back and you go out and party that night with the money that you, well, that your parents spent on the books? You take that cash and you go blow it out. I worked at a bookstore where we bought back books and kids would just be like. Yeah! Oh, yeah. So pumped. Super happy. It's the greatest day of college. Better than graduation. Unless the professor decides they're not using that book next year. Now you're just stuck with each other. Now you're stuck with it. Right. There's a couple of apps that you're going to want. One of them is called Flashcards. And it's an app that basically does away with all the little 3x5 cards. And you quiz yourself.
By stacking up these little digital flashcards. That's awesome. Yeah, that's incredible. Flashcard bit. They work, but they're a pain. They work so well. Remember writing them out for hours and hours and hours? Now this next one, it's the last one. It's for people that get bullied. It's the ultimate backpack. It's got a built-in siren and strobe light. You're a giant clown. Maybe you're going to get more bullied. They're going to take that thing and shove it down your throat. Yeah. That siren. That may be true. M1 Brendan is calling because of what we were talking about. I guess during Best Of, we replayed the girl that called us because her boyfriend was panicking. Oh, that crazy girl. She was not crazy. That lunatic? No, the girl that was dating the guy that was lying, cheating. Oh, that crazy girl. That crazy girl. Well, Brendan from San Diego is on the line. Are you there, Brendan? Yeah. You heard that bit, and you are calling about what? So, you know, she was supposed to be panicking, but it wasn't quite around that. Yeah, the crazy girl. He was supposed to be a panicking guy.
Cheating guy. Her boyfriend was supposed to be a panicking, but he wasn't. He wasn't cheating. He was lying. He was cheating. He wasn't cheating. He sounded like a nut job is what it was. She was a nut job. Because, you know, someone claims that she's going to be at the UTC food court all the time having lunch. But she works down, right? Uh-huh. And this got me thinking. So, you know, I know she's supposed to, but the other day I wanted to just kind of put a joke on her. I was going to call her and then be there smiling. You know, one of these, like, jewelry store kind of stuff. Good place to be. Right? Yeah, but, you know, I thought it was going to be cute, but then I'm walking through the mall, I call her, and she answers the phone, and I ask what she's doing, and she's like, oh, I'm sitting here by myself like a dork, eating lunch, and, you know, trying to be all, like, kind of, turn around the corner, and there she is. She's sitting with a dude. So she just lied to you. She lied. So maybe she works with him. I don't really know who he is.
She lied to me. She straight up just lied right to me. She said she was alone, and she was not alone. So I hung up with her, and I kind of stood there a little bit, and I tried to observe it a little bit. And she's sitting there talking with this douche for, like, I don't know, 40 minutes, and then I see her clearly, like, put her phone on. For 40 minutes? So you stayed at the UTC food court? Just peeking around the corner? Just browsing. It's hard to, like, browse behind a pretzel, like, you know. Yeah. Not look like a sex pervert. Yes. Yeah. No, but, and she puts the phone away, and I'm just thinking, I don't know what's going on. Yeah, you do. You know what's going on. She was lying to you. Now, she was either lying because she's doing something shady, or she was lying because she thinks that you're crazy, and that if she told you she was having lunch with a guy, you would flip out.
Are you the type that would flip out? No. That's a yes. That was a yes. Now, the only reason I say that was a yes is two things. One, you took too long to answer. And then the other thing is that you stood there for 40 minutes at the food court. But you know what he didn't do? Is go up there and take the belt to the guy. So he's not that crazy. Because I would have taken the belt to the guy. You would? I would have walked up and at least said something. And been like... 100%. Hey, what's up, dude? Say something to your girlfriend. You guys just sharing some Taco Bell? Guy doesn't know any better. Well, they wouldn't be because they were at the UTC food court. There is no Taco Bell. Oh, they do in Texas. They have Taco Bells there. Just sharing some... Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Sharing a Cinnabon. Sharing a Cinnabon real good for lunch? Genghis Khan. What's that thing called? I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you mean. Baba Ganesh.
Baba Ganesh. Baba Ganesh? Dude. She's shady. Hey, you want to do what we did with the girl that called us and call your girl? Yeah, we'll do it. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I'll do it. Can I leave? Because it makes me nervous. It makes me so nervous. I don't even want to do it today. I want to do it tomorrow because we're so late in the show. Yeah. It's almost nine. We're there. I know. Tomorrow then? Tomorrow when we do this? Yep. I got to get your number. Hang on. Hang on the line. How come Jay's not playing the crazy Patsy Cline music for the guy? Because he was doing a joke. Wow. He was just doing a bit. He wanted to do a funny bit. He was just doing a bit. I'll tell you why. Because she lied.
So did the other guy. He was sitting with a... I mean, she was sitting with a guy. But he stood there for 40 minutes and watched. No, he didn't lie. Yeah, he did. You guys, he said he was panicking. Right, he was earlier. And then he went somewhere else. He wanted to get a cup of coffee. That's different. Sue the guy. You're making that up. No. You don't know that. That's what he said. He said he went there. He went there, and then he went somewhere else. Guy wanted a fresh burrito. You're not going to be grudging anybody a fresh burrito. But she called him at lunchtime, and he said, in fact, that he was at Penn. I don't know about that. I remember she just stopped by. She didn't call. She stopped by because he said he's there every day. And she let days go by. Yeah. Like, I don't understand that either. I would walk right up. Why are you guys trying to take up for a liar, and you know he's lying? No, I don't believe that. No. No, I don't believe it either. Double standards. This guy was just doing a bit. Was he? He was just trying to be funny. Yeah. Like, hey, look to your left. And he's doing a bit now, having us holler up? Yes. Crazy. Well, he should have gone right up to her. I don't understand that. Well, yeah, he should have gone up. I would have gone up to that thing, and I would have done the deal. Woods is taking his belt off. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Ah! Come here! To her? Him.
What is he doing wrong? Yeah, it turns out that's his boss. What did he do? It's her boss. Yeah, I'd have gone up and gone, hey, baby. What did he do wrong, though, that guy? He didn't do anything wrong. Nothing, but you could definitely confront him both. Just sit there and go, hey, what's going on? And who are you? He should have gone and ordered something from Genghis Khan and then just walked and sat down and eaten his lunch, like within view. She's going to go, well, babe, this is my boss. Yeah, perfect. And I didn't want to tell you that I was having lunch with my boss. Because you have a tendency to take your belt off and whip people when nothing's going on. Or stay and stare for 40 minutes. Why do you hate men? Why do you always defend the woman? You always defend the woman. I hate lies. She's a freaking liar. You're right. She lied. You're right. But it's okay because... I don't like liars. I don't like that she's lying. She's a liar. However, I do think it's strange that dude stood there for 40 minutes. Do you? Yeah. Without doing anything. That's what I think is weird. And you said that yourself. I would have done it for 10. I would have stood there for 10. I would have watched and saw what went down for 10 minutes. And then I would have walked up and been like, hi. You know what would have been really creepy? You know what would have been, I mean, off the Richter scale creepy? Calling her back and going.
I thought you, uh... What do you mean you're watching me? Stop being a weirdo, babe. What are you talking about? I'm talking about the guy. Are you really? Where are you? Weirdo. Yes. You're acting crazy. You're the one lying. Where are you? I see you behind the pretzel stand, creep. Dang it. You're fat. Jay has his finger on that drop. All day. The entire show. And he's waiting for just the right time. Mention a food. Yeah. If you say food. He'll do it. When are you going to say food? There are things that you are doing as a guy that you think are really awesome grooming things that women don't like.
Tell you what they are next. We got a live show. Jay just came in and said, hey, everybody, because we got a live audience. Jay just came in. He goes, hey, everybody. Woods just peed on his leg. It's just a little dribble. I didn't mean to. I was in a hurry. I was trying to get back. And he threw you under the bus in front of everyone. Yes. True. And then Woods, his reaction to that was, great. I peed on my leg. Mike's constipated. And so he throws me under the bus. Right. Not fair. It's chain reaction. It's chain reaction. Chain reaction. So the moral is, though, that Jay is a D. Yes. Because I wouldn't have said that had he not said what he said. Not necessary, right? Right. Two wrongs don't make a right. That is correct. It's almost like you're worse. No. Jay's worse.
Oh, let's see. Oh, this is so disgusting. Authorities in New Hampshire discovered a decomposing blue shark in the woods. Now, apparently it was six to eight feet long and somebody caught it, but they didn't want it. And so they drug it into the woods and dumped it. Maybe throw it back in the water. Well, it was dead because they caught it. So somebody reported it after smelling something rotten. The guy's wife was probably like, we're not putting that in the freezer. Yeah. What are you doing with it? I caught a freaking shark. Well, you better put it back. Increased libido is one sexual benefit of weight loss. Perfect. So if you lose weight, your metabolism gets higher and you have a higher lipid profile. So both your wives are safe.
Son of a... Ow. No lipids in that household. That messed up down sound effect is the most humiliating. It humiliates me worse because it's so jacked up. It says two things at once. It says, uh, poor you. And it says, and you're jacked. Isn't it the worst? That one hurt more. I know. Maybe any... More than usual. Right for the baby maker. Wow. What's going on in sports? Right to the baby maker. Holy cow. Wow, the Chargers are back. It starts Thursday night on ESPN. It is 5 o'clock p.m. It is the only nationally televised game of the night. See Phillip Rivers for maybe one throw, but I'm fine. I'm fine watching Billy Volek. I'm fine watching it. Give me the whole thing. We'll do a series, bro. That's good. I can't wait. I can't wait to see it. And as the preseason goes on, they do more.
Can I tell you something about my trip home that my friends filleted me for me liking the Chargers now? And I had to defend the Chargers. Well, dude, that's so lame anyway because it's an AFC team. Right. But I don't root for the Cowboys anymore, and I haven't in quite a while. And they just couldn't believe that I was born and raised in that city and did not root for the Dallas Cowboys. And I said, hey, guys. I'm a San Diego charger now, so feast. Wow. Yeah. Look at you. Yep. Well, it happens. I am so excited about this season. So am I. All right, so listen to this. These are a couple of grooming mistakes that we're making, and women don't like it. Gross toenails. Hideous. Woods. Whoa, Woods just ran into the microphone. All right, bud. I don't have gross toenails. Look, LLB. They're not bad. They're a little jangly, a couple of them. They look pretty pedicured. They're not pedicured. I hate him. I think I am getting sick. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Like nauseous? Mm-hmm. Got a little backup going on? Do you need a boot? Need a de-go bob? Are you going to vomit? Mm-mm.
Can I fix you a mayonnaise sandwich? Maybe that's in my life all the time. When she's nauseous. Mayonnaise and pickles? No, just mayonnaise. Give me some water. That made my mouth fill up with saliva. Do you want a Tums? Here, it's good. It's for an upset stomach. Have a Tums. It's not like I'm offering you. He's going to go. Don't do it. He's going to boot. My wife is sick, too. Perfect. Wow. Stomach flu going around the East Coast. Stomach virus. Oh. Maybe I brought it back with me. Could be. Probably. And then reading about gross toenails. The other thing, did I say about the hair? No. Maybe you're pregnant. You're showing. Sorry, Mike. What's that?
Not enough deodorant, too much cologne. Yes. Yeah. Bad one. I've known guys like that. Ugly feet. Just overall ugly feet. Just funk. Yeah. Hammer time. And then hair that is as hard as a rock. So way too much hair product. I don't think you do. Do you? You think you do that? I have to tame this mess a little bit these days. So it may be a little firm. By the way, the Padres have won four in a row. If they win six in a row, Woods has to shave a fryer cut into his hair, which will not be fun. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. Well, you have to. No, I don't have to. You promised. Quit. We're going to miss you. You can't quit, Woods. I can. I know. You did it on Wipeout, but you can't do it. Oh, you love them. Mikey. If you put it on. Oh, that was a J shot. If you put it on. So that's how we're going to play today. Oh, boy. I thought it was our first day back. We hadn't seen each other in a while. Wow. I thought maybe we'd be friendly. Come on. Spicy. Apparently not. Apparently not. You put it on the tee. Did I? Yeah. Come on. That was pretty good. Chris left.
Hysterically. I hate you all. Chris laughed hysterically. I didn't quit. Didn't you? I broke my ankle. You did. You broke your ankle. Stunk. Yeah, I mean, didn't necessarily do all that great. No, I didn't. Stunk. Which means he didn't do well. Well, he made it to the wipeout zone. Yeah. My favorite thing is the 375 pound guy on Facebook like, ha ha ha ha. You're so out of shape, fatty. I'm like, I see Jimmy Dean sticking out of your pocket. You have a Jimmy Dean sausage roll in your pocket and you're running mouth. That's not fair. Well, it's true. They started it. So this is fantastic. Check this out. My brother, Mark, who I just went to visit in Arizona, as you know, he loves to read.
I've told you that before. And he will read everything. He's one of those guys that will read a magazine from cover to cover. I read a couple of articles. He reads them all. And he'll save great stuff. When he reads something great, he'll save it. He had this article that even I have to admit was pretty awesome about something that I didn't know about. Happened back in the 50s. Apparently back in the 50s when they had the atom bomb. The atom bomb had come out earlier, but in the 50s they had the atom bomb. They were transporting an atom bomb from one place to another across the country. Somewhere over Arkansas, this guy had to go back and do something with the bomb. He had to do something right where the bomb was. And he was a short guy.
And so he had to reach up and grab onto a lever and pull it. Well, when he did, what he actually did was he grabbed onto the lever where the atom bomb was. And when he pulled on it, the atom bomb fell about a foot. Okay? Fell about a foot. The problem is, is that the atom bomb weighs tons. And so very slowly, the bomb bay door went. and opened up, and the atom bomb fell out and fell over Arkansas and actually landed. Now, it exploded, but not an atomic explosion. The reason that there wasn't an atomic explosion is because in order for that to happen, there has to be a big chain of events that begin within the bomb, and that didn't happen.
although there was an explosion. It wasn't an atomic explosion. And the government did a very good job of telling the people in the area, nothing dangerous, leaked, and everything's fine, and nothing to see here. Even though in the article there's a picture of a raccoon in the mayor's office that's completely white. completely white raccoon, which doesn't really happen in nature. I guess unless you have a lot of radiation in the area and then turns raccoons white. They sleep with polar bears. That's the only other way. That's the only other way. But, you know, I didn't know about this, and a lot of people don't know about it, mostly because nothing really bad happened. But I thought and the reason that he actually brought this up is because we were talking about Casey Anthony, who he said should, you know, he thought would probably move out of the country. And the reason that he brought that up is because this guy that did this moved to Thailand because he couldn't live it down. Right. I mean, and it was painful. I mean, people.
I mean, I go, well, listen, man, you're Bombay Bob at that point. And you're never going to not be Bombay Bob. Butterfingers Bob. Butterfingers Bob. Whatever. Bombada Bob. Bombada Bob. But anyway, I'm like, what do you do? Do you walk up to the captain and knock on the... Sir, excuse me, sir. Hang on a second, Johnson. I'm in the middle of something. I know, sir, but if I could, I'd just have to interrupt. I'm trying to talk to ground control right now, Johnson. It's going to have to wait. Sir, I dropped an atomic bomb. That's the problem. That's why I need to interrupt you. What do you do? What is the protocol for dropping a freaking atomic bomb? I would have run into the woods. You're on a plane. Yeah.
He's on a plane. Just jumped with the bomb. Wait, he's on a plane? Dude, there were 25,000 feet. Did I miss that? How else would he drop the bomb? I thought it was on a... Oh, I thought... I don't know. For some reason, when you said it fell off... Do you know what a Bombay door is? Yeah. No, honestly. No, I don't. I don't know what a Bombay door is. Bombay door is what they open to drop a bomb. Oh, I thought it was on a truck or something, and it fell. Uh-uh. I thought it was like a Camaro or something. El Camino. Yeah. Shut up. It was Arkansas. God. I didn't know, man. I thought they carried atomic bombs on truck boards. You know what I thought? Have you ever seen Spies Like Us? That's what I thought. This big-ass missile on the back of this truck. Look, Mikey, I got pee on my leg. I can't be thinking about all this all the time. Did you write that one? I got pee on my leg. I can't be thinking about this all the time. That was Jay's impression of Woods. That was a good one. Dead on. What he wanted to do was he wanted a callback. He wanted to get in the fact that, yes, I peed a little bit down my leg because I was running back in here. He wanted to make sure everybody got that again. But wouldn't it make more sense if we were talking about pee? Yeah. Or like hurrying somewhere. Yeah. Like a focus. We're talking about the Olympics. You know, like the time you peed on your leg. It's like the time you quit your diet.
The time you gave up again. Quit it. Jay went to Kauai over our break. His wife got mad at him for trying to take a nap once. That's a weak bit. That's what you're supposed to do. No, it's not. Yes, you are. You are not. It's vacation. You can nap at home. I can nap at home. A lot of people can't nap at home. Can't you? Come on. A lot of people can't. I can't. You lie. I would like to. You can. You do. What do you call that, then, what you do after the show every day? That's three hours. What is that? It's rest. All right, sometimes I nap, but a lot of times I can't. But when you go on vacation, like, that's your vacation to do. It's a family vacation. It's a whole time. You got to be on the unicycle. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. That's what we did. The whole time. Forget it.
Just because it's family vacation doesn't mean you've got to be doing something. Unless the family is going to take a nap together. This family is on a vacation together. Jay's 70 years old. He needs his rest. Yeah. I mean, dude. Wait. Anyway. He sprung for the whole trip, too. Guy should be able to take a nap if you want. I didn't really want to nap. I was just like, if we're not doing anything for the next 10 minutes, I'm going to nap. All he wanted was 10 minutes. I got it. She gave it to me. He says, I did rope swings. Cliff jumps, surfed, paddleboarded, went and looked at sea turtles. I did all that, too. It's the best. You did that, too, Ellen? When I went to Kauai, all of you above. Well, there's really nothing else to do there. He said that he sat next to a woman on the airplane that was breastfeeding. He told this story to us before we came on the air, and Woods wanted to know if the girl was good-looking. Yeah. Of course. Which I thought was weird. Why? Well, because it doesn't matter how good looking she is. That's creepy. Still a boob. A boob is a boob. Better to be an attractive woman than some pig, you know? Oh, wow. What did she look like, Jay? She was cute. I was definitely in the splash zone, though. Oh, Jay, give it up. I mean, I'm not against breastfeeding, but you should at least throw something up over it, like a sneeze guard.
I'm sure she did. She did not. The splash zone. It was, she just sat there and the baby was reaching out at me. She's like, he likes you. I like you. And I'm going, and the baby did the thing where it like pulls and then goes off. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And I'm just like, what in the hell? Who does that? Who does that? It's badass. It was 3D. Was it? Exaggeration. No. Oh, that must have been so uncomfortable. Where was your wife? She was sitting right behind me. Was there anybody else in the aisle? No, it was just us. It was two aisle? Two seat aisle? No, it was three on one side, three on the other. Nobody sitting next to you? No, they were sitting next to me. The husband and wife with the baby. The whole flight, this baby was breastfeeding. Oh, my gosh. Back and forth. So your aisle, she's middle, husband's window. Yes. Oh, my God. I would have done the turn to my left bit. Headphones, reading, but I was looking down and the baby's hands would come across and I'm like, what's that baby doing? How many times did Jay look at her boob over under? How long was the flight? Five hours. Let's see. I will say 25 times. I'll say 40 times. It was boobapalooza. So what? Boobapalooza. Orb.
Booba Palooza. Yeah. Same thing. Palooza. Palooza. Palooza. What does it matter? It's baby beluga. It's like the Coachella of boobs. Well, when you think about it, there's nothing else she can do. She could put a little tent over a boob tent. Yeah. That is. Yeah. I would do that. Like some sort of shield. Or switch with her husband and take the window. Yeah. That's a good one. How did she not do that? It was weird. Well, you know, her husband was like, I'm not sitting in the freaking middle. I'm sitting on the window. You do whatever you want as long as I don't sit in the middle. On Woods' birthday, we were at the beach that morning and I said to Woods, behind you. And he turned around and there was a woman with a baby just breasted. Just boob out. Getting him. No cover? No cover. No cover. Just... There was a lady at the beach with no clothes. She took her top off at the beach. Shut up. Yeah. In Hawaii? In Hawaii. Just took her top off. I was like looking around. First she walked out in a thong and I was like, oh, okay, what's going on here? Then I looked down the beach and she's got her top off. One through ten. Oh, it was probably like a four. Oh, good. I don't know what was going on. It was strange. It didn't stop me from looking. Yeah, fair enough. Even a four, a topless four, you're still going to look at on the beach. Yeah, you're like, wow. You will, you're like, topless four. Topless four.
Cool. I'm going to have a t-shirt made for her that says topless four. Yeah, that's pretty uncomfortable. It's very uncomfortable. Here's L.O.B. She says the following things happened to her on her break. Walked into a glass window at Dunkin' Donuts thinking it was a door. It's a very blonde moment. She just stubbed her toe in the studio. Yeah. Made me mad and I had to analyze it. Why? What am I? Hurt, sad, or fearful? And I was... It's one of those things where you're like, why do you hurt yourself? Maybe you should give my boyfriend a lesson because he couldn't stop laughing for an hour and a half. Because I thought it was a door and I pushed on it and then I turned around to him to say something and then walked.
Gosh. I had a bruise on my head. Did you cry from him laughing? No, I didn't, because we had to get in the rental car, and the rental car guy was giving us a ride to the bus station, and Matt just sat sniggling in the back seat the entire time. If the rental guy hadn't been there, would you cry? I would have been like, boo! It's really funny, though. She was also yelling at her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, for his erratic driving. Oh, L.O.B. Well... Rightfully so, because what did he do right after, Mike? What does it say on the paper? In a parked car? Maybe he hit the car because you were yelling at him. No, it was about three minutes later. He made a, we just decided we were going to turn around. I go, eh, let's not go this far. So instead of waiting to turn somewhere, he just, and just pulled an illegal U-turn. And I was like, babe, you can't do that. You're going to get a ticket. And then I was silent. And then about two minutes later, he came. barreling into a spot and hit the back of a car. How come you don't just drive? Yeah, just drive. Just drive. Then it solves everything. Because he likes to drive. Rebecca does the same thing with me, and we went to this hotel, and I turned into a place where only golf carts park. Yeah. Did she go... Yeah. No, no, no, no. She went... She goes, no, babe, you don't pull in here. And I was like...
Scared to death. Scared to death. And then because I've scolded her recently about telling me when I'm driving. And so I didn't see it, but there was like a speed bump. And by the time I saw it, I tried braking, but we really hit the speed bump. And right before we did, she's... She gives me the whole... Like, really? Same thing happened in my car. Women ever do that to their men? L.O.B. was attacked by a pack of seagulls. Flock of seagulls, sorry. And had to throw a sandwich and run into the water to escape it. They are so bad. I forgot about this at the Jersey Shore. You can't break out food or else you'll get attacked. Oh, my God. So I was walking with my niece and my sister, and I had a peanut butter sandwich. I had to literally throw it into the air and then run in the ocean. Your whole life, L.O.B., should have the Benny Hill theme behind the whole thing. Oh, my gosh. They're terrible. They almost took... I had a slice of pizza on the boardwalk the night before, and they were, like, nosediving. Oh, my gosh.
So great. I can picture that in my mind, and it makes me laugh. She said that she remembered just how big asses can get on the East Coast. Enormous. You don't see ass like that out here. And she also said that her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, faked the Jersey accent. Oh, God, Matt. Every time they went to the store. Oh, my God. To get anything. And she said this is his thing. He'll pretend to have an accent. It drives her nuts. It would drive me nuts. Let's go get some ice and some cheese sticks. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. If he went to England, would he be like, hello? Oh, yeah. Let's make some noise in the studio. We got a live studio audience here. I got to tell dads this, that what you name your kid could make them a mama's boy. So I'm going to tell you what these names are when we come back. Oh, my God. It's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com.
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Come on, man. Wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. Let's hear it from our live studio audience we got in here today. We've kept the live studio audience thing going, and it's pretty cool. Mikey Show Live. That's right. Yeah. Mikey Show Live. We also, my FedEx guy is here, which is in and of itself, you guys could probably interview him and have a great time with that because I tend to get boxes from Amazon. How many? A lot. How many times a week? Holy cow. Wow. We get a FedEx maybe once every two months? Yeah. Maybe? Yeah.
I get a lot. Three or four times a week. Yep. Somebody's got a problem. Oh, boy. Oh, wow, Jay. That's strong. Does Mikey come to the door? Or does he have other people come to the door and then they call him to tell him that his package is there? You got to have him come to the door. Come on. We're going to interview you. Yeah. Oh, man. Pull up a chair, my friend. Oh, wow. Make yourself at home. Keep that mic about that far. Sounds good. There you go. There you go. I got a very interesting story about the first time I met Mike. Yes. Yes. Let's do it. All right. This is before I became an M1. I just moved down to San Diego, and I come up to his house with a box of flowers. And out comes Mikey from his garage. I see a BMW, and I see him in like a mechanic shirt. Like a Tommy Bahama one. Tommy Bahama mechanic shirt. Yeah, I said TB on it. TB, yep. And I look at him, and I didn't think he lived there. So he's breaking in the sky. 100% true. I thought he was working on the car. Well, you had your mechanic. Either that or I was a gardener. Right. One of the two. How great is that? That's amazing. I looked at him and I'm like, do you want me to take it to the front door? And he's like, no, no, I can take it. I live here. And I just looked at him like, okay. Yeah, you're like, you can't steal this man. Some ID, please. Yeah.
You're like, first of all, I know that a respectable human being lives in this home. And you are working on that respectable human being's car. Right. And I'm not just going to let you steal these flowers. Right. You're not taking them home and giving them to your senorita, okay? All right, pal. Senorita. I mean, you might as well have been taking a siesta when I rolled up. You're in the garage beating on a piñata, pal. And you know that. I can't see your eyes because the sombrero is pulled down too far. It's so great. That's amazing. So three times a week, like every week. They're not all mine, aren't they? Aren't they? Are they? Yes. Sometimes it comes to Rebecca's name, but you know he just uses her credit card. Right. Fake account. Just a farce. Who signs? Who signs? You don't have to. Usually I see Rebecca, but usually when no one's home I just drop it off. But there's four or five other boxes there already. It's a true statement. Put it this way. You know, he feels like a family member. Yeah. He's called your wife by name. Yeah. You know? Of course. Sometimes I see Rebecca. We'll have a cup of coffee. Your kids call him uncle. Yeah. Uncle FedEx guy. I get so excited when I see the thing pull up. I'm like, okay, do you guys remember, well, Woods, we've talked about this, so you definitely do. When you were a kid, they would do the book order.
At school. The best. The book order. The best. Oh, yeah. And when those books came in. Bernstein Bears. What was it for you? The Bernstein Bears. Bernstein Bears. Encyclopedia Brown. Yes. Real good. Yes. Penthouse. Penthouse. No, no, no. Penthouse. Penthouse. Was that like the thing with Bill Cosby? Penthouse. Penthouse. Like I said. It's like a little house made out of pans. Playbo. Playbo? Playbo. Playbo. Playbo Magazine. Playbo. No, but there was nothing greater than opening that box. And that's what it's like. Your teacher divvying them out. Yes. Did your mom ever pull the bit where you didn't get any that month? Because there was one time I didn't get any. It was like I was being executed. I was so upset. What did I do wrong? What did I do? All your buddies are looking for their new stuff.
I promise you that the mama's boy names are next. Make some noise in our live studio audience. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. You've got to go. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. You guys care about the rules? More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. I'm test driving a BMW 3 Series right now and enjoying the speed and the power. It has more of both than its top rivals from Audi and Mercedes. So even meeting a friend for lunch makes for a great day. Ah, not so great day for that guy. Pulled over with smoke coming out of his hood. Luckily, 3 Series drivers never worry about repair pills. With BMW's no-cost maintenance, you pay for nothing from brake pads to wiper blades. That can save you thousands. What's up, Scott? En route. Well, I'm not. I think my car just imploded. That was you?
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KBZT San Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. Why? Why would you play this? Oh. You're such a D. Really? Yes. It's not all about the Red Sox and the Yankees, Woods. It isn't always about, you know, the world doesn't revolve around the Yankees and the Red Sox. Doesn't it? I can't believe you play this song. Let's hear it in our live studio audience. What a jerk. Nobody even knows, Woods. Everybody knows. You're a jerk. You're a jerk. Warren doesn't even know what he's talking about with Sweet Caroline. Two people. Everybody knows. Two people. These broads over here, they know. No, they don't. And they're not broads. Those broads know what's up. I don't even really know when they play it. Seventh inning freaking stretch. Seventh inning stretch. The whole lot of chowderhead bean eaters all just reaching out. This is like every wedding ever. It's not just the Red Sox. It's Red Sox. It's their whole bit. It's a popular song. Makes me want to vomit.
It's like me coming in here, playing the Raiders theme song after the Chargers lose to the Raiders. I wouldn't do that to you. Well, it's a little different because we're in San Diego. Well, not only that, but it's a popular song. It's not all about. It's Neil Diamond. All right, here are names that will either make you a mama's boy or a daddy's girl. Now, they did like a survey, and basically it's all of our kids' names. All right? The only one missing is Ryan. Because Jake and Luke are on the list. Disagree with that. That they're not going to be mama's boys? No, those are hard-ass names. Jake and Luke? Maybe they are. But those kids grow up to be mama's boys more often than not. Wow. Here's some more. Isaac, Alexander, Max, Finley, Oliver. Poor guy.
Charlie. Ethan. Which was an alternative name, an alternate name, that we had for Luke. Or excuse me, Ryan. We're going to name him Ethan. You have a wider name, you know what I mean? Just try to hide the fact you're Mexican, Mike. Ethan Esparza. With Ethan and... Easy Ethan. Easy Ethan. Ten names that... are guaranteed to give you a daddy's girl. Duckface. Yes, the name Duckface. Duckface? Casey. Yep. Are you ready? Yes. Lily? She can be a daddy's girl. She already is. See, daddy's girl doesn't carry the implication that mama's boy does. Not at all. You're a daddy's girl, it's fine. Yeah. You're a mama's boy, you're wuss. You may be promiscuous, though, if you're a daddy's girl. Or you may be entitled. Daddy's girls are promiscuous? Yes. Is that what that means? For real?
I would never make that association. I would. How come would you? Just because of experience. All right. Lily, Hannah, Chloe, Ava. Very popular. Ava? Yeah, it's getting popular. Caitlin, Abby, Holly, Ella, Ella, Ella, and Charlotte. Charlotte. That's what it says. I picture Charlotte with a big gray bun on the top of her head. It's coming back. Is it really? It's too bad. No offense. It's a beautiful name. You know, speaking of, what is Snooki's real name? Nicole. Nicole. I know we should be talking more about Jersey Shore because it's a phenomenon, but I haven't seen one episode of it. I haven't seen one. I've never seen one episode. LLB has.
I have. I haven't watched this season at all. A bunch. You would implode if you saw it, Mike. You would. You would spontaneously combust. You couldn't handle it. You couldn't handle it. I don't think I'm ready for that. You're not ready. If you think the real world gives you anxiety, you couldn't. Drunk Italians coming home slaying each other in Ottawa. You would lose it. Do you think I would have any problems with the culture? I think you would. Definitely. Let's see. That study with those names also found that 80% of moms and 70% of dads don't believe their kids are closer to either parent. How can that be? I think that's ridiculous. Is it distracting at all when a general manager stands in front of the window? Is that distracting at all? Oh, God. We're talking about the Jay Show. Oh, wow. It's too soon. It's not ever going to.
It's always going to be true. It's always going to be true. 2029. Yeah, it'll be as soon. He was talking about what a stud I was on Wipeout. Was he? Mm-hmm. Let's see. Oh, that's so distracting when he does that. Now he's doing it on purpose. It's petrifying. It is. He's scared to death. He asked if you could come see him. Is that true? No. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Jay! Turn your mic off. It's not, but yeah, it is. Can you turn off Jay's mic? Can you shut that mic right off? If you could just come in for a little bit after the show. Bring your laptop too. Your playbook. Bring your key. Make sure he brings his wallet and his keys. Pick up that cardboard box on your way in. He can tell you that this is true. I said to Rick last, not last week because we were on vacation, the week before I said to Rick, I go, listen, I just want you to like me. That's all. That's it.
I just want you to like me. He goes, I do. I go, I know, but I just want to make you happy. Yeah. Just want to make you happy. You ever just a people pleaser? That's what you want. You just want to be loved. I just want to be loved. It's the bottom line of all humans. Yep. We really just want to be loved. Is that so wrong? Touch my body. That's loud, Mike. Why'd you get so close to the mic? Well, I didn't just sing that. That was a clip that Jay played. Only it's what they call in the industry over-modulated. It sounds a little like this. A good friend and a lover. See, that's under. Under-modulated. Under-modulated. Over is like this. Touch my body. Yes. Under is like... Way back. You know, so what you would hope for is that all of them would be consistently at the same volume. After a year and a half. Good luck with that. That's what you would want. There's a way to do that if you output everything from iTunes. That would be great. That was loud. That's a little loud. They're all recorded at the same level. That's a little low. It's phone volume. Lauren makes a great point though. When all of the audio that you're getting is from YouTube because you refuse to pay
99 cents. They don't have movie cuts like that on iTunes. Yeah. Drops like that. It isn't just that. If we want him to get music, he'll get us the worst recording that he could find on YouTube. And I'll be like, Jay, you know you could buy that on iTunes. I ain't going to buy that. Saving Lincoln financial money. I ain't going to spend 99 cents. Well, invest in yourself, you know. Invest in yourself. Exactly. It's a perfectly good copy of Lynyrd Skynyrd. That's right. 1974. Now, live. Or, or, it's a perfectly good copy of Freebird. Yeah, it ain't Lynyrd Skynyrd, but it don't matter. It's the song. In a basement. If I leave here tomorrow. Just like the studio version. Gosh, Mike, you're such a diva. You're so particular. Why you got to be such? Okay, fine. I'll get you a Leonard Skinner diva. Man, Elton. If you got to have the Leonard Skinner version, fine. You got to have the real song. This is Katy Perry in Los Angeles performing Friday with Rebecca Black. Why are they doing that? It's horrible.
It's terrible. Why are they singing it like that? Friday. Friday. Why are they pronouncing it so much? Over-enunciating. Friday. Everybody do the... That must have been there. She said, in order for this to work seamlessly, let's over-enunciate. But I don't think it worked. Something's not better acoustic. Right. But I stunk. That was not good. The clip, not Jay's drop. Thank you. And this is a good one, too. Taylor Swift singing Lose Yourself by Eminem. Not bad. Wasn't it? It was. I tried to do that song. I couldn't get through it. What do you mean you couldn't get through it? When we had that MC come in here and try to teach me how to battle.
I couldn't. I flubbed the words. Really? Mm-hmm. He was good. He was good. Where's Hillary? I don't know. Is she out today? Is somebody filling in for Hillary and we don't know it? They haven't said. All right. Well. Yeah, usually that's the way that I know that it's time to go because Hillary comes in and says, this is what I'm going to play next. So we just stay on then. Yeah. Well. I don't think we can. That's too bad. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the lovely and talented Hillary is up next because I believe she is. I believe it. Don't know where she is. Give yourselves a round of applause. Had a great studio audience in here today. Don't forget, tomorrow we are going to come back and we'll have that guy. Did we get that guy's number so we can call him? Dude, got it. Ready to go. Find out why his girlfriend lied to him at UTC. It's tomorrow. The Mikey Show is out. Yep.