The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/09/10
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday August 9, 2010
The gang returns after a long weekend off air and Sienna reports on a horse at Del mar on a winning streak reminiscent of Lance Armstrong. “Leggo my kid’s lego,” said Marky Mark Walberg when his son was attacked by an octopus at Legoland. LOB, Woods, and Jay recap their New Orleans radio boot camp adventures which includes flight hang-ups, Jazz jonesing, and everybody’s favorite celebrity nudity pusher, Mr. Skin! Mikey recaps his ocean fishing experience and even though he and everyone else on the boat caught zilch, he really enjoyed the breakfast. WoS talks about Tiger’s woes, preseason football, and has touching audio of Emmitt Smith’s hall of fame speech. The panel discusses reusable grocery bags, tracking devices at state fairs, and Tibetan dogs that cost more than two new Lamborghinis. Bitter birthday boy Luke calls in wanting pops to pick up some beer and then complains about Mikey’s party throwing skills. NTT is on violin pop songs and with Sienna as score keeper will a past champion return to glory? Jay recaps his return flight of “reading” an issue of Maxim while the upset dad’s son sitting next to him kept sneaking peeks at the scantily-clad babes. A caller says a woman whipped out some first class boob sitting next to him on a flight and began breast feeding her baby without any cover. Woodsy, full of hurt, sadness, and fear, tells about visiting his friend while in New Orleans who took him out into alligator-infested waters on a small boat. The Kid mad-cried and feared for his life! Sean Penncilhead says Wyclef jean should not run for President of Haiti. Nick something or other (can’t spell his last name) comes into the studio and amazes everyone with his U.S. record longest tongue. LOB wastes no time with the perverted jokes, to Mikey’s distaste. Young Nick then eats an entire yogurt using nothing but his mouth snake. The ten most downloaded songs make me feel old, or at least like someone with good music tastes. WoW gives tips on the return call after a date, weird dressed girls, and a M1 who has a crush on LOB (who doesn’t?). Listen to the podcasts if you didn’t hear what Lauren said about her possibly dating a listener. DMV driver’s license horror stories are next. Sienna reports on words women use and the true meaning behind their phrases. Woods and Mike moan about having to wear skinny jeans and vow to get back at the girls. LOB would rather “smell like Jim Rome” than have stinky armpits. A girl surrounded by sharks while riding one punched her way out of it! A Pop-Tart store gets Sienna and Woodsy excited but grosses Hilary out.
Bumper Music
| 1. The Song Remains the Same by Led Zeppelin |  |
| 2. Twice As Hard by The Black Crowes | |
| 3. Alice in Chains It Ain’t Like That by Alice in Chains | |
| 4. Drive My Car by The Beatles | |
| 5. Can’t Change Me by Chris Cornell | |
| 6. Jimi Thing by Dave Matthews Band | |
| 7. Who Knew by Pink | |
| 8. I Got Mine by The Black Keys | |
| 9. I Would Die 4 U by Prince | |
| 10. Love Removal Machine by The Cult | |
| 11. Use Somebody by Kings Of Leon | |
| 12. Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd | |
| 13. Working For The Weekend by Loverboy | |
| 14. Kids by MGMT | |
| 15. The Only Exception by Paramore | |
| 16. Have You Ever Seen The Rain? by Creedence Clearwater Revival | |
octopus attackalligator encounterairplane magazine disputelongest tongue demonstrationTiger Woods golf performanceEmmitt Smith Hall of Fame speechcheese traffic jamskinny jeans meet‑and‑greetNew Orleans tripword of the day cognacWyclef Jean presidential bidSnoop Dogg on The View
The episode kicked off with a bizarre octopus attack on Mark Wahlberg’s son at Legoland, then segued into the crew’s New Orleans travel woes and Woodsy’s alligator‑boat panic. Jay recounted a mid‑flight clash over a Maxim magazine, while Nick Afanaseev wowed the studio with his record‑setting tongue. Sports talk covered Tiger Woods’ dismal golf showing, Emmitt Smith’s moving Hall of Fame speech, and a cheese‑fire freeway shutdown, all wrapped up with plugs for the upcoming skinny‑jeans meet‑and‑greet.
What happened, in order
Octopus Attack at Legoland
Mark Wahlberg’s four‑year‑old son is grabbed by a giant octopus at the Legoland aquarium, leaving suction‑cup marks on his arm and causing panic.
New Orleans Trip Mishaps
The crew recounts their confusing flight routing via El Paso and Dallas, a cab driver who threatened to slit Woodsy’s throat, and their jazzy night out in the Big Easy.
Tiger Woods’ Rough Round
Woodsy reports Tiger Woods tied for 78th at the Bridgestone Invitational, 30 shots off the lead, sparking debate about his swing‑coach firing and lack of fun.
Emmitt Smith Hall of Fame Speech
The show plays Emmitt Smith’s tearful induction speech thanking his blocker Daryl Johnston, which moves the hosts to tears.
Jay’s Plane Confrontation
Jay describes a father demanding he put away a Maxim magazine because his 11‑year‑old son was looking at it, leading to a seat‑swap and elbow‑throwing incident.
Woodsy’s Alligator Boat Panic
Woodsy’s friend takes him on a dusk boat trip in Louisiana waters teeming with alligators, prompting Woodsy to mad‑cry and beg to get out.
Longest Tongue Guest
Nick Afanaseev demonstrates his 3.5‑inch tongue, touching his eyelash, picking his nose, and eating yogurt from a Yoplait cup with just his tongue.
Cheese Spill Shuts Down Freeway
Sienna tells how a semi‑trailer carrying 39,000 pounds of shredded cheese caught fire, blanketing the I‑10 freeway in cheese and causing a massive traffic jam.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLaurenSiennaJayWillNick AfanaseevMark WahlbergMichaelZach GalifianakisTiger WoodsDaryl JohnstonEmmitt SmithJerry Rice
33,349 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the program. Mikey Show is back and in studio today. Very nice. We got the crew back from... New Orleans. And we are set and ready to go. I'm waiting for your phone calls. 570-1949 is the number. If you want to, text us. 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us that way. Five people on the show. Myself, Woodsy, Lauren, Sienna, and Jay. And we got a new phone screener today. And I already forgot his name. Bill? Will. Will. I have the hardest time with names and faces. I never remember names. I never remember faces. It's the hardest thing in the world for me. But I can tell you everything about names and faces from fourth grade. Short term, nothing really happened. Not really going to happen. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the moon. Maybe. Well, let's get this thing going. So we're going to tell you all about Woodsy, Lauren, and Jay going to New Orleans. Because I want to find out. I don't know anything.
And so we'll ask and find out. Also, big story in the news about Mark Wahlberg that happened when we were gone. And this horse that's all over San Diego news that's going crazy. That's winning like crazy. Yeah. So we'll be talking about that. Oh, and this morning at 8 o'clock, Nick Afanziev. I think that's how you pronounce it. Easy for you to say. Zach Galifianakis. Yes, exactly. Well, the reason that he's coming in, he's been on the news. He's been all over talk shows and stuff like that. He's from right here in San Diego. Is he single?
He may be single. He may be single. And listen to this. Listen to this. Why? He's well known now because he has the longest tongue in the world. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. No. Hey, Mikey. It's not the world. It's just the USA. Oh, somebody in the world has a longer tongue? Forget it. I think there's an Indian guy with a much longer tongue. Really? Gosh darn, Indians always have the greatest athletes when it comes to tongue length. They really do. They do. They've dominated it. That'd be like the ultimate thing is if someone's annoying you or something during the day and you're just like, oh yeah? Unleash this tongue. Yeah. It's falling right out. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rolls down. He's bringing in a video that I'll put up after he's on the show, but I saw a little bit of it. Oh my God, that tongue is crazy. It's pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy. So we'll be getting to that. All right. Now, the word of the day. First of all, what's the prize today? I have Chargers and Bears preseason game tickets. Nice. So we got more Chargers, Bears tickets. And this is what we do. Word of the day. You have to listen for us to use the word of the day in a sentence. So I'll remind you of the word of the day all throughout the morning until we get to it. And then when you hear us kind of work it into a sentence,
That's when you call caller number nine at 5701949 when you hear the word used in a sentence wins. The word of the day is cognac. Cognac. That's weird. So when you hear that word worked into a sentence and you're caller nine, you win. This is weird. Excited about this Friday? Yes. Big meet and greet? Got our big meet and greet this Friday. Love to meet you. We're going to be out at the Tipsy Crow on Fifth Avenue downtown. It's going to be fun. And it's a 21 and up deal. And we'll be there from 5 to 7. So make plans to come and hang with us. And don't forget, the guys on the show have to wear skinny jeans. I did forget. I'll believe it when I see it. You're going to believe it when you're wearing them. I'll believe it when I'm wearing them. Each of you will be wearing a different color is what I'm hoping. I'm not buying them, so they've got to be given to me. Oh, my gosh. Put on. I don't want to. You don't need to buy them because you already have a pair. Oh, do I? For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. And I'm a tall, chunky guy, so it should be great.
And I'm just right. Jay's going to be perfect. Jay's going to be fine. It'll be big muffin top and little muffin top walking around. That's right. Do you want a large muffin or a small muffin? I got a Facebook from a guy that said, hey man, I got a tip for you for skinny jeans. Apparently, your piece is very visible in these skinny jeans. I'm going to put a jockstrap and cup on. So what's the tip? I don't know. He didn't give you a tip. He did. He's just giving you the heads up. He's giving me the heads up. Great. He wants to give you the heads up. Yeah, apparently we're going to look like Spinal Tap out there. Great. Great. Oh, wow. It's going to be fabulous. So, Zenyatta the horse. Yeah. Is this horse at Del Mar and has been racing at Del Mar? Yes. What's the deal with her? Zenyatta has won.
18 times in a row. That's insane. In a row. People are going nuts and going to the races just to see this horse. I guess. Oh, yeah. There's pictures all over. I don't know if they're in the paper today, I'm sure. But little kids holding signs that are like, go Zenyatta. I mean, people are making the trip just to see this horse win. Can you imagine how much money people are winning? Oh, a ton. But the odds must be so terrible, right? One to one. One to one. There's Zenyatta groupies. That go to the races now only to see this horse. Wow. I know. And even other owners, horse owners and other jockeys and stuff are like, all right, we got to give credit where credit's due. This horse is amazing. They say that this horse knows where the finish line is. She just takes her time and hangs out. And then at the end, it's like, all right, this is go time. Comes on a burst. Speeds up. Yeah, just got goosebumps. That's so great. She paces herself. I want to see video. I'll go on YouTube. I know. People have had hats made, you know, they're taking pictures. And I guess when the horse gets towards the finish line, her ears get all perked. And she's just like, yeah, I'm going to get this. What a trip. Thoroughbred. Yeah. Killer. 570-1949 is our number. Call about anything you want. You could ask questions. You could do whatever. Just give us a call now. Mark Wahlberg. I was out on a fishing trip and the fishing boat that we were on.
had satellite TV, and I saw it scroll across the deal. Really roughing it. Yeah, roughing it. Well, to my defense, wasn't high def. Oh, gosh. Really? Wasn't wireless. No, and their galley where you eat, they had TV. Listen to Johnny Saylor over here. Down in the galley on the starboard side. Guy sails for two days. I was port side, but, you know. I still don't know what starboard and port is. I've heard it for two days in a row. Still can't tell you. You just nod and say, okay. But I'm like, you know, I'm scrolling through or I'm reading the scroll as it goes across. It says Mark Wahlberg's kid attacked by an octopus here. At Legoland because they have an aquarium there. They have an aquarium attached to Legoland. Now it's new called Sea Life right in Carlsbad. And apparently Mark Wahlberg and his wife and four-year-old son Michael were there. And the woman working there was like, oh, here. Well, let me take you guys over here and get you up close. Backstage VIP. Yeah. And she pulls out this big gigantic octopus. And the thing latches on to the four-year-old's arm. And then it got his wife and just.
wrapped completely around the lady that was working there, and other people had to run over there and help pull this octopus off, and apparently there's a ton of, looks like hickeys, like suction marks, about 30 of them, all over the little four-year-old boy now. I know, and just scared that kid to death. I bet. So he was on with David Letterman talking about it, and Letterman even asked him, you know, are you going to be suing? And he said, well, I don't know if you know of a good lawyer. Yeah. Wow. This is from Late Show. You go to Legoland, everybody. It was great fun. And then you mentioned there's an aquarium. And is it like a real deal or just a goldfish? No, it's pretty big. I mean, my son loves animals, you know, whether they're on land and sea. So my wife had this genius idea of us going to the aquarium. We went to Legoland one day and the next day. Genius idea. Because you know what? You can tell. Why are you going to blame her? You can tell by the way that he said it. He never wanted to go. He never wanted to go. He never wanted to go. Hey, maybe we go hit Torrey Pines.
or grab some dinner? Really? Leggo? How old are we? What? Like, my wife had this genius idea. She's taking your son to the aquarium. He didn't want to go. I know. Babe, I don't want to go to an aquarium. You're going. He wants to go and you're going. He doesn't want to go. Did he say that? He did. Well, you know how he loves animals on land and sea. Yeah, he likes animals. Do we have to go to a big... I'll tell you what. How about we go to my office at home where I have an aquarium and we can look at it. Stare at it. Maybe we'll go to SeaWorld. Oh, wait. Uh-oh. You know what? You have a special treat today. We'll be able to take you behind the tank, and you'll be able to see the octopus. So my son's really excited. My wife's really excited. So this woman pulls up this gigantic octopus. The thing latches onto my son's arm. It's got my wife wrapped completely around the... There's one person that laughed uncomfortably. I know. Uncomfortably. He's like, this isn't a joke, clown. Right. Lady and another guy who's standing there. They can't get this octopus off. Where is he? He's freaking out, but no sound is coming out of his mouth. So finally, we ripped the thing off of him. It's got all these suction marks. Looked like about 30 little hickeys. The lady can't get out. She's yelling for help. And my wife was like, oh, no, no, no, Mikey, come back. Look at the starfish. I'm like, we're not letting him back near that thing. No, no. Wow. I mean, I was like, you know, this is calamari. Now, what, I mean, it was not supposed, obviously not supposed. He said it's never been that aggressive. Never been that aggressive.
It's never been that aggressive. You know what? The Siegfried and Roy tiger had never been that aggressive until he ate a German guy's face off. Exactly. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? Man, why is it that aggressive now? I think it's because my little boy is so sweet. Maybe he's going through a thing, the octopus. Yeah. That's why he's so aggressive. He's going through a breakup or something. He's having a rough day. Having a rough day. Maybe his wife was like, you know what? Found another octopus. Yeah. He's like, really? My little Mikey. Right, but that shouldn't be your problem. You shouldn't be penalized for that. Exactly. So how big is the suit? We haven't filed yet. But if you could recommend a good lawyer. But was it one of those things where you were actually scared for a couple of minutes? I was, yeah. I mean, this thing is gigantic, and he's just grabbing onto him. My son's there. The woman, once the woman who handles the octopus started freaking out, I knew it was a problem. Oh, boy. Can you imagine? She wouldn't even get away from the thing. Woods is demonstrating punching the octopus in the face. Hey, listen. Woods is undefeated with octopi. He has beat some octopi in his time. No question. That is a wacky story. Oh, my God. That's insane. Where is he, though? Why is the woman getting...
grabbed, sucked in, the boy, the mom, he's standing back from a distance. He's 15 feet back because it's a giant octopus. He's like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm from Boston. I'm not going anywhere near that thing, all right? I know. Can you imagine, too, when the lady first said, do you want to go back and touch the octopus? His thought, because he didn't want to go probably anyway, was, no way. His thought was, is it fried with lemon wedge? Yes. Then yes. Is there a marinara back there? I like my marinara a little spicy with my octopus. I really want to save a clip of him saying, oh, sweet little Mikey. He said something like that. I was like, oh, gotta save that. That's a good clip. So, Woodsy and Lauren and Jay went to New Orleans for a little radio conference. I want to know everything because I purposefully haven't asked too much because I don't want to know too much. I want to get the info. So how are you guys traveling together? Are you guys good travel companions? We were pretty good, actually. Great travel buddies. Did some bonding. It was hot. Hot, hot.
Yeah. Well, on the three plane rides there, we all sat together. We didn't know. We didn't know that we went from here to El Paso, which we had no idea we were going to El Paso. Stopped in El Paso. We had no clue. We were asking other passengers, where are we? Where are we going? We're like, where are we going? Where's the next stop? Do we have to change planes? We had no clue. Well, this is the bit that Southwest does. It doesn't count as a layover. Because you don't get off the plane. So they don't count that? So they don't count that as a stop. Oh, that's not good. It's just a carpool lane. Just pick up other people. We got up at 3 o'clock in the morning that day. We came in. We did the show. We went to the airport. Got on a plane. El Paso. How long were you on the ground? I don't know. 20 minutes. Who knows? No, longer than that. Like 45 minutes. El Paso to Dallas. No. Yeah. Yeah. Dallas to New Orleans. To New Orleans. No, we were. And then there was a delay from when we left Dallas. Awful. So when you get to New Orleans, you guys check in at the hotel. Well, we got into a cab with a guy that wanted to slit our throats. Yeah, he wanted to slit our throats. Specifically Woods's. I was sitting up front, you know, goading him. Oh, no. Having a good time. Just, you know, being myself. Right.
He was looking at me like. He was turning up like Peter Cetera and Celine Dion, like as loud as he possibly could. You were turning up this guy. Not me. He was. He didn't want to hear from us or talk to us. He didn't want to hear us talk. And he was putting on the most random music. Yeah. Hard habit to break. Real loud. As loud as it'll go in the cab. Oh, my. So we get to the deal. We get to the deal and we're like, all right, later. And straight to bed. I mean, all of us were just wiped. And then, man, the conference, like seeing all those morning shows together and just like. How wacky and crazy everybody is. We learned a lot, man. I know we were all really excited about getting to mingle and talk to some of these people and hear about some of the crazy stunts they do. It's insane. So, L.O.B. said that... Nobody was really on board with the jazz. She wanted to see the jazz. Nobody was really on board with the jazz. I said that the morning that we were leaving. And everyone's like, yeah, no. We saw some street jazz. We actually went into a place that had jazz playing. That wasn't real jazz. It was like cover music. Did you go see jazz by yourself? No, I wanted to. And Mr. Skin wanted to as well. Mr. Skin was the only other person that wanted to go see it. He was like, you can go do this in any other city. You can go do this.
any other city. Let's go see some jazz. I was like, that's what I'm talking about. We know who went and saw jazz by themselves Friday night because everybody else didn't want to go out. I went out by myself and went and saw some jazz. Good for you, Jay. Look at Jay. We were hanging out with Mr. Skin from MrSkin.com. Yeah, it was kind of creepy a little bit. Mr. Skin, is that the one from the movie? Knocked Up, they talk about it goes right to the naked parts of a movie. He knows all the nudity. But he was... It was the most unassuming Mr. Skin. He's not perverted. So he's not the way all of the pre... All your preconceived notions of Mr. Skin. Well, I expected him to be super... Just skeevy and talking about skin all the time. He was when you weren't around, trust me. Mr. Skinwearer. I sat next to him, and he had his phone there with him, and he kept popping up. I'm like, hey, did you see this picture? Hey, did you see this? I was like, wow. Mr. Skinwearer. Mr. Skinwearer? Yeah, that's what we named him. Any big thing eventful? Well, I thought it was pretty funny. We were like, you know, we're sitting at a table, and we went to Pat O'Brien's, and next to us there was a table of 25 guys.
all sitting there, like, together. And so I look over, and I'm like, oh, they've got to be at a bachelor party or something. And they're just sitting there, hands crossed, everyone behaving themselves. So I decided I was going to go over and be like, what's going on here, guys? Yeah, she did. So whenever I started talking to them, and they were from the Bay Area, and we were with a morning show that's really popular over there, Lamont and Tonelli in San Francisco, Mikey's friends. And they were like, wait, wait, wait, what? And practically, like, plowed me over to go get... They didn't want anything to do with the single girl that was trying to chat them up. Single blonde girl that was hand-delivered to their table. It's a ballsy move. She walked right over. I was like, what's going on? I said, are you guys college kids or are you at a bachelor party? One funny guy was like, we're in college and we major in bachelor party. Oh, you're a funny guy. You're doing bits to me. I'm on the radio, pal. But I was like, if I can't shoot fish in a barrel with it... Bachelor party of 25 guys on Bourbon Street. At Pat O'Brien's. At Pat O'Brien's, and I have zero game. Oh, man. We had a blast. I'll tell you, the flight home was rough. We got down to the lobby. We split up then. Yeah, we did. I sat in the back myself. We got down to the lobby at, what, 5.15 or 6.15? I mean, that's 3.15 San Diego time.
kill me. I bet. But it was a blast, man. I can't wait for next year's conference. You had a good time. Yeah, we had a great time. 570-1949. You want to give us a call? Love to hear from you. Let me tell you something, man. The rise and fall of Tiger Woods. Oh my goodness. Wait until we tell you where he finished in a tournament that really, he has traditionally owned this tournament. I mean, he has killed it there. Things are bad for Tiger Woods. Woodsy will tell you all about it coming up next in Woods on Sports. This morning at 8 o'clock, we have the guy that has the longest tongue in America in the studio. You've seen him on talk shows and seen him on local news here in San Diego because he's from here. His name is Nick, and I can't pronounce his last name. He'll tell us when he comes in. But he'll be here at 8 o'clock. Don't forget, word of the day today, cognac. So when you hear the word cognac worked into a sentence between now and the end of the show, be calling number 9 at 570-1949.
And you will win Chargers Bears tickets. Maybe you hear it in a rap song. Maybe you hear it in a rap song. Maybe you hear it in, who knows? You can hear it in any variety of ways. I mean, it could be... It could be... Along with the harp. Yeah. You never know. You never know. So, anyway, that's coming up. Don't forget our meet and greets Friday. We want to meet you. Yeah. All the guys will be wearing skinny jeans on the show. Oh, boy. Do girls ever have to do anything? I have to take pictures when I'm about to have a baby. It's the last thing I want to do. I've had to eat Indian food, wear skinny jeans. Maybe you guys do some stuff. That's the first one for me, I think. Maybe you guys all shave your heads. Maybe you come up with something creative enough for us to do and we'll do it. You guys would say no, even if I asked you to do something. Give us a try. Hey, how about this? I told you that I was going to tell you where Tiger finished in this tournament. It's awful. It's terrible. It's the worst. I don't know. I mean, I guess I do know what's happening. Did anyone think he was going to come back and do this badly? No. No. No. In fact. Save it. I want to talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll save it. You've got to save it. You've got to save it. It's like I've never seen anyone like it. Wow. So I was on a boat fishing this weekend with my brother Steve. Went out to Mexico.
Why didn't you videotape this, Mike? I know. I know. Just Mikey out in the open waters. I took some pictures. With a little fishing pole. Going back to the homeland. Yeah, back to the homeland. I could see my homeland off in the distance. Viva la Mexico. Yeah, can't speak a word of Spanish. He has no idea what you just said. Yeah, I know. I think I said long live Mexico. There you go. You did. So. You get on the boat at 10 at night, and the boat drives all the way out into Mexico all night long, and then you wake up the next morning, you start fishing. Were you scared? No, I loved it. What if the border patrol was like, hey. Hey, you. Hey, you. Get over here. See that guy's papers. And while we're at it, let's see the other guy that looks just like him. Let's see his papers, too. My brother, Steve. Yeah. So there was 25 people on the boat, and not one person. Even had a bite. Even a bite. The whole time? Not one person. In fact, when we got on the boat, they said, okay, five bucks for all you can drink coffee and tea and 15 bucks if you want to get in on a pool for who catches the biggest fish. So everybody did. The pool was up to like 750 bucks or something. It was a lot of money. And they had to give it all back to us.
One person on that boat had a bite. What did the captain say? Did he, like, feel bad? Was he sorry? Well, yeah, I mean, he did. He felt terrible, but, I mean, it's like, you know. What are you going to do? Yeah, it's not shopping. It's fishing. Right, but does that happen often enough? There was a guy on the boat that said that he'd been doing this for 25 years. He'd never seen this. You know, I was supposed to go. I was supposed to go with Mikey. Yeah. And had that been me, I would have. been beating my head against the wall. Really? I would have been bored out of my mind. Honestly- I like to catch fish when I fish. Dude, it accounted for 2% of my experience that we didn't even have a bite. It's all about the male bonding. Well, for me- Oh, I lost my mind. There was a lot of things that I was surprised at what I enjoyed. I really loved breakfast. I'm not surprised. Write that down. Write that down. I really enjoyed the experience of breakfast on a boat. I did. I can't explain it. Cheerios taste different on the open water? I guess. It's fun. It was fun. I kind of know what you mean. It was fun. I was on a boat eating scrambled eggs and hash browns and bacon, and that was really great. The smell. It's so delicious right now. It was great to me. I really liked it. The breeze, the view. I loved being in the confined space of the cabin.
You know, I'm the opposite of claustrophobic. We were talking about that. Yeah, we did. We were talking about that. And I was like, oh man, I bet Mikey's like freaking out. And I was like, wait a minute. He likes the confined spaces. He loves the pod. I felt so safe and hidden. I hate it. I hit my head on the ceiling the last time I did that. Really? Yeah, getting up in the middle of the night. Whack. I loved it. How did you go to the bathroom? I had to go number, I never went number two on the boat. What? Yeah, smart. I just didn't, I didn't even feel like I had to. My body probably was like, you're scared, you're scared, don't do it, you're scared, you're scared. Now's not the time. Yeah. Wait till you get back. Yeah. But at like, but at two o'clock in the morning, I did have to go pee pee. And so I, you know, I got up and it was just so, so weird. You know, you get up and you walk upstairs from this thing and nobody's there. Yeah. It's empty. And are you outside? You have to go outside and go to this little door. And it looks like an episode of Deadliest Catch, you know? Like it's just, you know, the thing's rocking pretty good. But when I was in the cabin, you could hear right on the other side of you, you could hear the water moving against the side of the boat. I loved it. I just loved it. I like it. There was a killer whale out there.
That was awesome. Yeah, there's a killer whale out there, and a friend of mine took pictures of it. Oh, my gosh. So we'll put some of these pictures up on the website. Yeah, we saw an orca. Gosh, the water must have been cold if there was an orca out there. Yeah. The water was cold. Did anyone get seasick? One guy. That would have been me. Just one. Yeah. One dude from Arizona. How bad? We didn't know about it. He came back over. Everybody was waiting by where they keep the bait because we thought we were about to drop our lines. So this guy was off by himself, and he came back, and his buddy from Arizona goes, you puke? He goes, yeah. Do you feel better? He goes, oh, I feel like a brand new man. Good. After he got sick, he felt like a brand new guy. I do that every time I'm on a boat. Do you? Yes. I had a prescribed patch for the behind my ear. Yeah. Worked like a charm. That's awesome. Those things help. Yeah. See, I've never had the privilege of actually throwing up. I just always feel like I'm going to, and it just doesn't get better. Doesn't happen. I really liked it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Didn't matter to me that we didn't have a bite or a fish. It would be great to pull a tuna in a boat. That'd be awesome. It surprises me. What? It doesn't seem like your cup of tea. Oh, yeah. I love hunting and I love fishing and I kind of grew up that way. You know? I do. I love that. That's awesome. I did a good time. Let's see. So, let's get right to Woods and Sports. Dude, I need to know. I want to know so bad about everything that is going on.
NFL football this weekend. Oh, my gosh. It was great. 570-1949 is our number. Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, the Padres have a new stopper. His name is Matt Latos. We've been talking about this kid all year. He is 4-0 after the Padres have lost two straight. He's so good. He's that guy you go to and say, all right, dude, you got to stop the bleeding, okay? And he did it again yesterday. They beat the Diamondbacks 10-1. They had lost the first two. So here's the deal. Pirates are in town. Panel your business. Feast on them. Okay, feast on them. Real good. They are two games up over the Giants, and they are six and a half over the Rockies. So Giants are playing really good baseball. So are the Padres.
We're getting there, man. I know it. And don't you think it's going to be the Giants and the Padres are just going to be coming to this big head? Neck and neck. I'll tell you guys what. It's going to be a really fun fall around here, man, if they keep playing like this. Playoff baseball, there is nothing like it in the world. I'm sorry. Especially when the team is doing this good. Absolutely. It's exciting. Well, okay. So now we go to Akron, Ohio, to the Bridgestone Invitational where, you know, it's sad. Hunter Mahan had a great weekend. He wins a tournament. Nobody's saying a word about Hunter Mahan right now. All anyone's talking about is Tiger Woods. Why? Tiger finished tied for 78. Oh, my gosh. Tied for 78. Sienna's jaw just dropped open. Out of how many? 80. Right? Sienna's like, just put her hand over her mouth. I feel like I'm in a fishing boat right now. He was 30 shots off the lead. Woods. Yes. Have you seen highlights? It's it's you watch it and you're like, oh, it looks like me. L.O.B. So he is driving and he hits the ball and it goes dead to the right. I mean, it just it just shanks straight. Right. And the the guy that was calling the golf thing on television goes, oh, my goodness. Really? Yeah. And Tiger just instantly he hits the ball. His shoulders instantly slump.
And he just starts walking. What happens? Somebody, like, spike his clubs or something? Dude, here's the thing. He fired his swing coach, and he fired another swing coach, and he's like, I got it. I'm Tiger Woods. I can do it myself. He didn't have a swing coach when he was, like, a 16-year-old phenom, though, right? Well, probably his dad was. His dad was always kind of his coach. And then he had Hank Haney and some other dude. I don't know. I like girls. And he fired both of those guys, and he thinks he can do it himself, and obviously he can't. So this guy, this guy after the round said, Tiger, is playing golf fun anymore? Cut one. You having fun playing? Absolutely not. Shooting 18 over par is not fun. Oh. Wow. I don't see how it can be fun shooting 18 over, especially since my handicap is supposed to be zero. Wow. Maybe don't yell at me, D. I didn't make you suck out there. Well, see, now Rebecca and I had a. long conversation about that clip because we saw it on TV, right? I like it. And I said, listen, to me, he seems like he's just being a professional. I said, that's the truth. He's being genuine. He's being genuine. It does stink to be 18. What's he supposed to say? Yeah, it's a blast. I really love it. And she goes, but he just sounds like such a jerk. I agree with Rebecca 100%. If it's in print, it looks fine. Yeah, it looks fine in print. It looks fine in print. But when you hear it, one more time.
You having fun playing? Absolutely not. Shooting 18 over par is not fun. I don't see how it can be for shooting 18 over. Now I'm going to interrupt you and tell you what I really think. Especially since my handicap is supposed to be zero. Hey, that's what the guy wanted. The guy didn't want him to be like, yeah, you know, it's always fun. And, you know, I'm always just out there. But he could have laughed a little bit. He cannot laugh at himself. Why can't he just be like, oh, yeah. That was real fun. If it was me, on my mother, I would have walked in and been like, that was a hell of a round, wasn't it? Boy, I really played my ass off. What? We played mini golf and you threw your club and your balls into the water. Seriously, I did not put my balls in the water. No, no, no. You threw them into the water. Here's the deal. After that, you have to be able to be like, wow, I was terrible. I guarantee you would not. Who wants my autograph after that one? Yeah. Maybe I'll just take notes on what you say I should do. And then after each tournament, if I do bad, I'll just call you up and you tell me exactly how I'm supposed to do it. It's not a bad idea. Here's the deal.
The guy is a shell of his former self. He is a shell. You can tell that he is going through such a personal transition. Like he's got a goatee now. And then it's like he's really going through some stuff. I may make a bold statement right now. Oh boy. His wife loves it. Oh, 100%. Loves it. I think. He knows that, and I think that's why he's doing it. What goes around comes around. I think he wants her. No, he's too selfish. I think he wants her back. I think she's saying no, and I think that he can't win because if he wins, she'd be like, really? Top of the world, huh? Karma's kicking his butt right now. It's really beating him down. Also, I guess there was a game on last night. It was a semblance of NFL football. I don't know. I watched some of it. Pretty much bored out of my mind. It was the Bengals against the Cowboys. The Hall of Fame game. Everyone, people were writing me on Facebook, Woodsy, you watching the game? I'm like, yeah, I'm watching the preseason game. Everyone was just so excited about, you know, T.O. and Ocho Cinco. But they didn't play, did they? They played for two minutes, man. They don't want to get hurt. T.O. caught two passes. You know, Romo was in for a series. It was, or two series. It was crazy. But Cowboys did win 16-7.
And preseason football, you guys, I'm sorry, man. It's what you get. I like girls, and I still like watching preseason football. Oh, man. I do. To me, it's back. I get to see the uniforms, and they're doing stuff. That's cool, but you never get to see what you're going to actually see in the season. There was a couple big hits, which was kind of interesting, but the Bengals, they had 18 penalties or something. Something ridiculous. They're the most undisciplined team. I wonder why half their guys have been in. prison, but watching that was interesting. Just the first game back, I just realized it's August. I'm not ready for football yet. It's still baseball season for me. Summer hasn't even started in San Diego. Exactly. Well, this weekend also in Canton was the Hall of Fame induction, so I'm going to give you the quick list on who got inducted. It was Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, John Randall, Floyd Little, Dick LeBeau, Ricky Jackson, and Russ Graham all went in, but I'll tell you what everybody is talking about is Emmitt Smith's induction speech. It was... heart-wrenching, man. The guy was terrible. When he was an announcer and a commentator, terrible. Couldn't get a sentence out. He was so great in this. Play this cut. This is cut two. Actually, I want to say, too, when we were on the boat and they had the TV, this is what we turned on and got to see. And I said to the dudes there, I said, I think that this is sports history. Yes. It's going to be stuff that they will play back for years and years and years. They will probably call it...
The Emmitt Smith speech. The speech, yeah, because what he was talking about, he was thanking all his teammates, and then the guy that blocked for him, I mean, I'm from Dallas, so I've seen it a million times. He was talking about the guy that blocked for him, Daryl Johnston, the moose, and he calls him out right here. Cut to. Where are you? Daryl, you mean the world to me. Not just because we share the same backfield. Tears streaming down his face. I was going to sacrifice so much for me. Gonna get, Sienna. People don't understand what it took to be a pullback in our system. The sacrifices you made, not simply with your body, but your whole spirit. You took care of me as though you were taking care of your little brother. Without you, I know today would not have been possible. I love you, Daryl, from the bottom of my heart. Oh, wow, man. That is so great. I loved it, man.
It's like a movie. Bark Malman called me, and he goes, dude, I was sitting on my couch. I was crying like a little girl. Wow. Weeping. We all were. Yeah, it's pretty touching. It was really cool. And then finally, you know when you know you're a really good baseball player? When you have more hits than Babe Ruth. I was watching the Yankees-Red Sox game last night. Derek Cheater gets a single. I didn't even know. Base hit up the middle. They throw the ball over, and they're like, oh, yeah, he's just past Babe Ruth. He's now 39th place, most hits of all time. Here he is on his accomplishment. Cut three. It means a lot to this organization. Obviously Babe Ruth means a lot to baseball, but especially to this organization. So anytime you get a chance to pass them in anything, it's special. Imagine waking up and saying, I've got more hits than Babe Ruth. It's pretty rad. Yeah, those are some things I've never said that. A couple words I've never said either. Some words will never come out of my mouth. And that is Woods on Sports. So the Pentagon talked about WikiLeaks. Yeah. We've been talking about WikiLeaks. It's like Wikipedia, but for people that like to leak information about the federal government, you know, really sensitive material that people shouldn't know. That's what this thing is, right? Yep. Well, a lot of inside stuff from war in Afghanistan, videos being posted that shouldn't have. Yeah, scary stuff. Yeah. Well, here's the Pentagon spokesman talking about it.
Everything they claim to have and have yet to publish is a concern because we don't know what it is and we don't know how damaging it could be to our forces. So that's why we are trying to compel them to hand back over to us all that was stolen from us and they have published or are threatening to publish. That's scary. That is scary that people are going to be able to know secret things that we have going on. I mean, if we're the government. How come we can't stop that? I know. Shut it down. Well, remember there was that thing about Obama maybe being able to shut down the internet. Stuff like this. Push the button. I just needed something to be able to shut down. I shut down TMZ for a night just for fun. Just because I can. Just because I can. And I was like, you know what? A kill switch, yeah. What are you guys going to do about it? I'd lose my mind. Wow. That would be awful. The panel is myself, Woodsy, and Lauren O'Brien commenting on the news of the day and some of the big stuff that's out there. Chula Vista is going to try to put through a bill that will ban what, Sienna? Well, there is a bill that would ban grocery stores from handing out single-use bags, like plastic bags, paper bags even, that you would just use one time. So the Chula Vista City Council voted unanimously to send a letter of support of this bill, and it's going to be requiring shoppers to bring their own reusable bags to the grocery store.
What do you think about that? I don't live in Chula Vista, but I'm sure if it catches on there, it could possibly catch on anywhere else. Listen, I know it's bad. I like plastic bags because I only like to make one trip in from the car, and I like to buy a lot of groceries at once. And you like to have eight bags in? I like the eight bags in my hand. Now, I guess if I had to bring in the big cloth ones, that's fine because you can put more in there. I'm out on it, man. Just leave me my plastic bag. Think about your dogs, too. I know. I pick up a lot of poop with plastic bags. That's reusable. Lauren? Yes? What do you think? I'm all the way in. Weird. Yeah, I think that maybe they should have paper bags there and not rely on people because I forget my bags all the time, the reusable ones. Yeah, what do you think about them saying no to paper, too? Yeah, they should have paper bags there because they can be reused and they break down and they can be made from recycled materials. Plastic is the devil. Plastic bags. Write that down. That's a great clip for Lauren. Plastic is the devil. It is. Those plastic bags are the worst. They're so handy. They're so handy. If this happens and they start making us do this, I'm just going to be goofy about it. I'll bring a pillowcase.
That old handkerchief. And the last laugh will be on you. Yeah, it'll be a Star Wars pillowcase. And I'll just throw my cookies and crackers in there. You'll have to wash it all the time. It'll spill in there. Ooh, how about this one? Oh, goodness. The Iowa State Fair was putting tracking devices on kids. Now, okay. Okay. They're offering a new tool for parents. that want to keep track of their kids. Now, this is at the fairgrounds. This is at the Iowa State Fair. So what happens is you walk in with your kids, you buy this device, $10, and it's a little thing that you can just put in your kid's pocket or on their belt loop. And that way, if your child becomes lost, they can push a button, send a text message, and it will tell you where your kid is, your exact location. So it's like a little GPS stick right in your kid's pocket. Then you bring it back. Once you're done with the fair, you can also put it on an elderly. But only $10? Woods, where do you stand on that thing? All the way in, man. How come? Well, obviously because it's going to hopefully save some kid if he gets lost or if he gets taken or abducted. Why don't we do that for all kids out of the fair, too? I don't know, Mike. I don't know why we don't do that. What do you think of doing that? I think we should. I do, too. You know I do. I like it. Anything that protects the little bubs out there. Let's do it. Lauren.
I'm in as long as it's a little temporary hook-on thing and not a chip in the back of somebody's skin. Like a clip-on tie? No. Maybe like a beeper or a little carabiner. Yeah? Yeah? Listen. Yeah, it's cool. Now. Imagine that at Disneyland. You'd be able to relax as a parent. Probably isn't going to catch on. Yeah. You know where I stand. I love it. Me too. I mean, I said that I wouldn't mind a chip device going in kids where... You know, perverts don't know where it is and they can't remove it. Can't be. Can't be. I remember the worst feeling was when I was little, my brother was lost at the Del Mar Fair. And just my mom, terror, that feeling. She went up to the top of the ladder where you get in the bean bag or the potato sacks. Yeah. And you go down that slide and she found him looking down. And it was just, oh my God. I mean, the worst. No parent should have to go through that. Oh, it's awful. Talk to me, Sienna, about this rare dog breed. The Tibetian, wait, yeah, Tibetian, I think, Mastiff. Have you ever heard of it? Tibetan or Tibetian? Tibetan, sorry. Tibetan Mastiff. A Mastiff is those big, black, huge dogs. Huge, between 100 to 200 pounds. I bet that's fun poop to clean up. Oh, boy. Especially in China, they're going for a lot of money. Probably looks like a dinosaur walkthrough. Yeah. How much do you think people are spending for a Tibetan Mastiff? $8,000. No, not even close. Too high, right?
Too low. What? Way too low. No, that cannot be. 15,000. Way too. 15,000. No. 45. Way up. Way up. They're putting out that kind of money there in China for. You guys are going to freak. 100,000. Way up. No way. Are you kidding me? No. 500,000. Up. A million dollars. Down. 700. Why don't you just tell us the amount? 600. 600,000. So way. 100,000. Let me give you the correct. Buzzer. There we go. Now, these dogs, it's like a cross between a lion and a small bear. Really? What did they do? Get a lion and a small bear to mate? I don't know. But they say in China, they think of this dog as kind of like a holy dog. Not only are they rare, but this breed is, I'm going to read you a quote, is considered the guardian dog of the former Himalayan kingdom of Tibet. And it's the original source of many large dog breeds today. I don't know. Woods, do you think that we should charge that much money for a dog? Well, no. And I think for $600,000.
The thing better be giving me lap dance On the mainstay so much money if you had a dog that gave lap chances. Oh my gosh. Everyone would go see it. Lauren O'Brien, should we be spending, or do you think that it's ridiculous that they charge this much for a dog? Yes. Of course. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how much dogs cost, but it's gotta be, you could do a whole lot more with $600,000. Well, you know, my deal with it is that I go, I can never tell a purebred from a mutt. I know. They look the same to me. I guess the only people that know are the people that do the best in show kind of stuff. Yeah, we don't work at Westminster. We don't. Well, and some veterinarians argue that mutts are better because like people, when you bring different ethnic backgrounds and stuff, they have better chance of fighting off diseases because they have all these genetic mutations. That's the deal.
Don't forget, by the way, the word of the day is cognac. So when you hear us work that into a sentence, you need to be calling number nine at 5701949. First of all, why would Snoop Dogg ever go on The View? Why? Just street cred out the window, pal. 50 Cent was on there, too. Street cred gone. Snoop Dogg would never lose his street cred. Wait till you hear what Snoop... Wants his next job to be and I think he's serious. I'm pretty sure he's serious when you hear it. Decide for yourself. It's next. Yeah, yeah. Welcome back. Monday morning. It's Monday morning and it's also today is my son's birthday. Yeah, today is the actual date of my son's birthday. One year old today. Oh my gosh, that's a huge deal. Yeah. That's real sweet. Luke and Ryan. What are you guys going to do? Yesterday, we had a balloon person come over, and we had little kids over. So cute. Did they love it? They loved it. They got to put their hands in cake. That's the best, and they just shove it in their face. Yeah, they had it all over their face. Frosting. All over their hands. It was pretty cool. Let's see. Here's what I got to tell you. Tongue guy is coming in at 8 o'clock. This guy's got the longest tongue in America, and he's been on all kinds of local news.
Talk shows and TV shows and stuff. So he's in here. Percentage of chance. Ella B is going to scream. Oh, yeah. Well, freak you out, right? Oh, yeah. I can guarantee it. As long as I think it's going to be. Yeah, it'll be longer. Yeah. What if you think that he's handsome? Maybe you maybe make that right. Maybe we all make it right. Yeah. Maybe you go out and just have a great time. Paint the town red. Paint the town red. With his tongue. That's right. Oh, wow. Get yourself a nice dinner, a little cognac after dinner, just real sweetly. Don't forget our meet and greet is this Friday. And it is going to be at the Tipsy Crow, downtown San Diego. And it will be on Fifth Avenue. You've got to come out and see us. And all the guys on the show will be wearing skinny jeans. Cannot wait for that. My one-year-old son, Luke, he's one years old today. Wow. He's always got a scowl in his face. He's always got a scowl. Grumpy at times. He's grumpy. And the other one, Ryan, is real sweet, but Luke's on the line right now. Hi, Luke. Hey. Hey. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, buddy. Yeah, great. Thanks. Hey, since I'm of age now, can you... Of age? I need to borrow the Cox and I need to go get some beer. Listen to me. You have 20 years. What? You're not of age. One year old is not of age. You're only a year old. I'm of age. You're 20.
What are you talking about? Where are you going to buy beer? Ever hear of TJ? Oh, wow. Oh, I'm sure you have it. Yes, I have heard of TJ. You know you are Mikey's son, right? Yeah, yeah. Same jeans. You've probably spent a lot of time in TJ, I bet. Really? Rolling tortillas real good. Yeah, is that right? Is that right, son? Absolutely. This is my son, Luke, as you can see. He's kind of a smart aleck. Thanks for that, Parker. You really went all out for that one. Hey. Wow. First birthday, I guess. Guess that's really not one to remember, huh? Oh, wow. Hey, didn't you get balloon animals? Weren't you happy with that? Great. Billy. Wow. What did you want? Yeah, what did you want? Well, Billy got a jump house, and we didn't have a jump house. You can't even walk. We got a whole pool sitting outside. Maybe you get some Topless Girls serving drinks. Oh, wow. Maybe you calmed down because you're only a year old. How about you do that? Balloon animal. Wow. I thought you loved it. They made you a little giraffe. It was nice. Yeah, they did. You know what I did with that thing? What? All right, all right, Luke. Just don't look in your tailpipe. All right, I get it. Don't look in your tailpipe. You're not going to fall for the balloon in the tailpipe, right? You're not going to fall for the balloon in the tailpipe, are you? Right, right. Well, listen, Luke. Thanks for going all out. Yeah, you're welcome. And it sounds like you need a nap. Tell Ryan happy birthday, too. My birthday. Who's Ryan? Ryan is your twin brother. Hey, let me get off work. Every time. I get off work at 10. What are you doing after? Are you going to come home? Are we going to hang out?
You want to hang out with your dad? No, I want him to take me somewhere. Oh, yeah. By the way, so that you could get a visual right now, it's one-year-old baby laying in a crib on the phone. Yeah. How does he get the phone in there? Staring at the ceiling, pal. Yeah. Staring at the ceiling. See you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. He's really on one today. Yeah. They're one. I'm, like, in shock. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Jay, we got... We got it yet? Did you ever think that you guys were going to make it through the first year of having twins? That's what somebody said the other day. That is rough. I know. I can't believe it's already been a year. So great. Seems like it was just yesterday. So we said the word of the day. And we're going to have caller number nine on the phone here in just a second. Want to let you know, Snoop Dogg went on The View. Why? I have no idea. Why would Snoop Dogg ever go on The View? But he did. And this is one of the things that he said. I was reading that now that Oprah is retiring, that you would think that you could be the new Oprah. I mean, it needs a little bit more pizzazz. It's a real thing, by the way. He said that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Back up. What would you do differently? I would just, you know, bring my flavor to the table. She's done a great job. She held it down for so many years. She's been, you know, the one.
But, I mean, it's time to let somebody else come in and pass the baton and do what we do. And you're the one. I am the one. Oh, wow. Now he sounds like Kanye West. Yeah. I would watch the first episode. Yeah, I think everyone would watch the beginning and then they'd be over it. I loved his reality show. For the record, I would not. You wouldn't watch the first episode? No. Snoop, I'm over Snoop. I was over Snoop in 96. I love Snoop. M1, Chris from Lemon Grove. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Chris, what was the word of the day? cognac cognac was the word of the day so you win i love it well you're going to see uh you're going to see the chargers take on the bears bro hang on line awesome thank you you're very welcome We're going to play Name That Tune in just a second. So if you want to play 570-1949, let's line you up. What you do is pick a horse. You're going to pick me, Sienna, Woods, or Lauren. That's how it works. And I don't usually fare very well. You won like two weeks in a row, haven't you? No, I didn't win last week. LLB won last week. That's right. She killed it. You guys get your... Well, I'm sure Jay changes his own oil.
100% he does. Right? I mean, there's not a chance in the world he doesn't change his own oil. There is no chance that he doesn't change his own oil. Well, he probably makes his own oil. He definitely, like, mines his own oil. He mines it, purifies it. Purifies it, condenses it. Bottles it, and then... Drills offshore for it. Adds oxidation. Well, I do not change my own oil. Nor do I. And so I took the wife's car to a new place to get the oil changed. And the guy, I'm talking the guy. And he told me that he's new there. And he's not making friends. And I said, why? And he said, because the dudes around me don't work as fast as I do. And a couple of them have complained to me. Because he works fast? Because he works fast. And it makes them look bad. I know this. I've encountered this scenario before, man. It's the guy that comes in. You know what he kind of does? Kind of makes you look bad. He's the go-getter. He's there early, stays late, does all his work. It doesn't make them look bad. It makes him look good. Makes him look good. I agree, but also, let's say there's two dudes in there, and they've been doing this for a couple years, and they got their system done. They do their thing, and then Johnny go-getter shows up, and he's...
churning out double what they've been doing the last two years, they kind of look like clowns. I think it's great. The only way to get better at anything is to surround yourself with people who are better than you. But I think these two guys, or this guy or whatever, is probably like, ooh, I'm a clown now. Yeah, because all they're doing is waiting for their boss to go, hey, maybe take a little look over at John. Maybe you got real comfortable in the past two years. Yeah, maybe you guys are a little too comfortable. Yep. So, I don't know. 5701949, is there even anything to that? I just, I thought it was so interesting because I thought, hey, listen, I thought. Who says that, though? Like, hey, how about you slow down? Oh, I know. Plenty of guys. That's embarrassing. I've worked at a place called Merritt Hawkins, and we did physician recruiting. And I was kind of that guy when I first started. The minimum was 100 calls a day. I was doing 150. And people that had been there were like, hey, dude. Why don't you chill out a little bit there, Turbo. You know, like easy Turbo. Maybe calm down because we're all looking like a-holes now. Because you're throwing up 150 calls, four hours of phone time, and we're not. It just means you're a good worker. Exactly. You're only doing what you're wired to do. Yep. 570-1949. We're going to play a little Name That Tune. And we'll get back to this if you want to call in about it. You've been that guy. You don't like that guy? You've seen that guy? That guy's worked at your work and you don't like it? 570-1949.
Also want to hear about Jay on the plane. We'll get to that in a little bit, too. I don't know the full story. I just know that. I can only guess. Stuff with Jay on the plane. I was actually surprised that it happened to Jay and not me. Let's put it that way. Oh. Yeah. When I basically witnessed it, I was like, I must be sitting in the wrong seat. Oh, my. Because it usually happens to me. All right. We'll hear about it. M1 Siegfried, you want L.O.B.? Yes, sir. You got her. There you go. Fresh off of victory. M1 Robert, are you there? I am. Robert, who would you like? Please. You got it. M1 Omar, who would you like? I'm sorry. Hang on a line. Here's the real I'm sorry. And who is this? Britannia? Yeah. Britannia, you have Sienna. Yeah. I like her enthusiasm. Britannia's already into it. She's already enthusiastic. Britannia. Britannia. It's beautiful. Thank you. Hang on, Britannia. Parents are big encyclopedia fans. They were. They were. Britannica. Oh, Britannica. Plus enough. All right, let's do this. We're going to play a little Name That Tune. And the way that it works is we use our name as a buzzer. Could be any sort of thing. What's the theme today, Jay? The theme today is violins.
Oh, you pop songs. Such a clown. Pop songs that have been played with a violin. Beautiful. And our prize is a pair of tickets for the 4 o'clock Fridays at the Del Mar Racetrack to see Soft Pack perform Friday, August 13th. Cool. Showtime is at 7 p.m. Sienna, you might do good. It's pop music. Is it? That's the wrong one. Hold on. Here we go. First song. Oh. Woods. Oh, I know that. Muse. Oh, yeah! No! Oh, I recognize you. Muse is pop music? Uh-huh. Well, it's an alternative. It's popular. Popular. That's popular music. Got it. Here we go. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Woods is hopping up and down. Lauren. Mr. Brightside. Oh, damn it! Oh, man!
Nice. Here we go. I recognize them, but I don't know what they are. It's hard to hear it over with screaming. I can't hear it without a picture. Everything sounds like a Merrill Lynch commercial. Yes! Here we go. What? Lauren. Narls Barkley. Wow. Wow. Crazy. That whole intro was not a song. Sure it was. I just waited for the other thing I knew. Here we go. Smoke. It's wrong. Oh, Mikey. Snow Patrol. I like the way everybody just assumed she was right.
Snow Patrol the Frey, it's the same thing. I know it was, if I lay here. Yeah. I don't know what it's called. If I just lay here. If I just slay here. What score? It's called Chasing Cars. Lauren one, Woods two, Mikey one, me negative one. Weird. Weird. I thought you had one, kid. Here we go. Sorry, pretend. What? Oh, I got one. Hotel California. No! I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I'm so hot. It's the worst one ever. It's so hot in here. Alright, here we go. Mikey! Michael Jackson. Wow! I'm going to post that one on the Facebook page because the guy doing Michael Jackson is amazing. Really? Yeah. But he's wearing a glove, too, as he plays the violin, so that makes it strange. Don't we all? Here we go. Lauren. Lauren. Poker face. Wow. Damn it. Wow. Wow. Score. Score. Score. Score. I'm only here for the score. Lauren, two, Woods, three, Mikey, two, me. This is close. Close race.
I like how I'm the one who claims I like pop music and all you clowns know every song. I know. Here we go. Woods. Woods. Cold Astoria. Kanye. Oh, man. Wow. Had to sing it a little bit. What? That may have done it for Woodsie. It's Lauren 2, Woodsie 4. There's three more. Me too. Three more. Here we go. I'm going to puke. Mikey. Sweet child of mine. Dang it! Okay, here we go. Two remaining. It's been a while. Mikey. System of a down. Very good. Three of the hottest girls you've ever seen playing violin and drums. System of a down? Yeah. These girls are just rocking it, too. Did you get Mikey? I'm sorry. I got my... Okay, sorry. I'm here for one reason. It's to keep score. Lauren, two. Woods, five. Me, three. Sienna, negative one. So we're just going to make this a three-pointer just to get Mikey in the game.
Here we go. I'm just going to guess and say Katy Perry. Wow! I still win. Bam! Look at that. I kissed a girl. You can even hear if you look at the background. Woods killed it again. Oh, it's been a long time since I've been in the winner's circle. I'll tell you that. I've been in the wiener's circle last few weeks. Hey, and Woodsy, you were able to do it with the extra points added on at the end. Very well done. That was fun. I'm really hot now. Let's see. That is cool. M1 Robert, are you there? Yeah, I am. Woods, he won for you, brother. Did real good for you. I left it all out on the field today, pal. He sure did. I'll tell you that. There you go. Hang in line. I think his phone's cutting out. There are so many things that I want to find out about today in the news.
And we were going to find out all of these things. But first, I want to know about Jay and Jay on the plane. What happened? First of all, just so people know, Woods, Lauren, and Jay traveled to New Orleans together last week. Yep. And what happened? This was on our flight home. We all decided that we were going to sit in different spots. I think we were maybe a little done with each other. So I sat next to a father and a son. And, you know, I'd read my book. I'd watch videos. So Woods gives me his Maxim to look at. Nice little magazine. Nice little magazine. I think it had the girl from the Pussycat Dolls on the cover. It was the top 100 hottest girls of all time. Weird that Woods had that. Yeah. So here I am. I'm just kind of thumbing through it, not really paying attention. And I've got these noise-canceling headphones on. And this dad. This kid's looking over. And I guess the kid, apparently the kid was kind of looking over and looking at the pictures, which these girls are on swimsuits. How old? Yeah, how old's the kid? He must have been like 11 or 12. And the dad, you know, he touches me on the arm and I look over him and he kind of points at the magazine and I give him the thumbs up because I'm like, yeah, it's a great magazine, man. Thanks for noticing that. Yeah, I'm looking at...
And he goes and he gives me the hand gesture, get your headphones off. So I take my headphones off. He's like, hey, man, you need to put that away. I don't want my son looking at pornographic material. Oh, man. And I was like, look, dude, you know what? I have my space. Keep your son out of my space. Yeah. If that's the way you feel. I said, you know. You said that? Yeah. And you know what? And I was not quiet about it either because the stewardess came and gave us both a look. That makes for a comfortable flight, doesn't it, pal? Yeah. First of all, it's a flight attendant. Oh, what did I say? Well, let me just say this. The note that I have for this today to bring up on the show says Jay on the plane, which I don't know what that is. Yeah. And in parentheses, it says, just ask us to tell you the story. And I'm like, it's going to be a doozy. That's a doozy. That's a doozy. And here's my thought. My thought is, is that when you're using your laptop, okay, on a plane, they always tell you, hey, try not to look at anything that's questionable or whatever. Do they tell you that? I've never even heard of that. Me neither. It's on their video.
You know, when they show like a video and they say... Oh, you watch that? They give you... I am that guy. I'm the one guy that actually... Mike, he's like, how does the oxygen work? Yeah. I'm like, okay, so first me, then the baby. Oh, this is a flotation guy. But they tell you on that video, if you're going to use the internet here on the plane, just be careful to not look at questionable stuff, blah, blah, blah. Right. Now, here's my thought. A. I think that that dude, that dad, went about it completely the wrong way, calling it pornography. Because first of all, it's not pornography. No. You know, it isn't pornography. Second of all, I do consider it to be questionable for a kid. For a kid, I consider it to be questionable. And so if Woods were sitting next to this guy, there's no big deal with reading a maxim. You know what I mean? There's no big deal with reading a Maxim if an adult's sitting next to you. But if a kid's sitting next to you, me personally, I'm going, eh, it's a kid. I don't know if dad's going to go sideways. Guy went about it wrong, no doubt about it. Had it been me, father, okay? And it was Jake at 11 years old looking over at this guy's thing. I should rephrase that. He's looking at this guy's Maxim magazine. What I would do is I would say to Jake,
don't look at people's stuff because it's rude. Yeah. Don't be looking at people's stuff. It's rude. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Keep your eyes on your own paper, Jackie. Yeah, but now, if dad isn't looking at Maxim Magazine, which dad isn't looking at Maxim Magazine, if dad isn't, then I don't want my son to either. You know, I don't want, if he gets to be of age and he wants it, he can look at whatever you want. Yeah. You know, but while you're flying. But of age, that 11-year-old could go buy a Maxim anytime. Sure. Yeah, yeah. And when he's 18, you know, sky's the limit. Well, All I know is that guy's lucky that the kid wasn't sitting there next to him, okay? Because it would have gotten a lot worse than the MJ. The whole plane would have heard that one. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. It got worse, too, because then he switched seats with his kid. Oh, my gosh. So then he's throwing elbows into my area. Wow. And I was like, I was glad it was just a little short flight to Dallas. Oh, my gosh. He's so unnecessary. 570-1949. Have you ever experienced this?
Have you ever been the guy? Have you ever been the parent? Have you ever been the kid? Have you ever, you know, 570-1949 is our number. Call and let us know. Now, you've probably heard by now that Wyclef Jean wants to run for president of Haiti. There's a big star out there that's criticizing it, and I have the audio of it and the announcement that he's going to run. It's next. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. We've got Scott from San Diego holding on the line to tell us something weird that happened while he was on an airplane. People around you, what do they do? Sienna, what's going on in the news? Elena Kagan was sworn in on Saturday as a member of the Supreme Court. She is now the fourth female justice in history. Also, America's first... Excuse me while I finish chewing my... My granola.
I tried to make it through. You almost had it. I know. You were so close. America's first test tube baby was born, who was born in December of 81, is now a mother herself. She and her husband just had a boy on Thursday. Normal conception, normal pregnancy, everything good. I know a test tube girl. Isn't that amazing? You do? Really? Yeah, it was a trip. I was asking her about her family and she told me, yeah, she goes, I was a test tube. Yeah, she was America's first. What a trip. 28 years old, just had her first baby. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, President Obama did a pretty cool thing this weekend. Played a little hoop for wounded soldiers. Guess who he got to play with? Who? LeBron. Wow. Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Bill Russell, Magic Johnson. Very, very cool, man. And also college. Maya Moore of the Huskies. Man, it was really cool, and they did a little barbecue and things like that after. So very cool thing our president did this weekend. And then, man, there was a game yesterday. Almost had another no-hitter. It was one out away. Brandon Morrow, who pitches for the Blue Jays, two outs, bottom of the ninth. Guy gets a single. He struck out 17, man. He was dominant. One out away. Just that close? What a bummer.
Don't forget our meet and greet is on Friday. Come out and meet us. The guys on the show will be wearing skinny jeans. It's going to be really flattering to my hips and gut. We'll all be looking real good. I'm scared to death. Just FYI. I force myself to not think about it. Are you and I going to get ready together? Probably. What kind of a comment is that? I wish I knew how to quit you. Don't forget, Tongue Guy is coming in at 8 o'clock. Why did I look directly at Lauren when I said that? I went and put makeup on in the break. Oh, my God. You just never know. You just never know. Sometimes you know. When they're really, you know. That's right. M1 Scott from San Diego, you there? Yes. You had a weird plane ride. Yeah, I'm flying from San Diego to Florida. And I get on the plane, get my seat.
A lady and a baby coming sit down right next to me. I'm like, oh, great. Yep, because you're already thinking there's going to be crying. Yep, exactly. And not five minutes into the flight, the baby starts crying. And I'm just like, ah, you know, great. You know, it's not the kid's fault, obviously. You know, problems with the ears or whatever. You know, I understand. But, you know, you take first class to get away from that kind of stuff. And here I am with the baby. The mom decides the best way to fix this problem is let's breastfeed the baby. Oh, wow. That is a good way to fix it. Score for you, pal. Did she? It wouldn't have been so bad, but she decides that the best way to breastfeed the baby is to whip the breast out right there in front of everybody. Score. She didn't have a hooter hider? No, she was not a modest person. Was she hot?
She just whipped that baby right out. Was she hot? Was she attractive? So weird. Strange question. That's not. It's odd. Why is it odd? It's uncomfortable. It's a hot girl's boob. No, it's not. It's really bizarre. It's extraordinarily weird. No, it's not. What? Mockers. She's sitting in a seat, though. It's not like she's a flight attendant walking up and down the aisle. Maybe grab a blanket. I agree. Are we going to have this debate again? I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. Got no problem with it. Grab a blanket. I got no problem with it. Why don't we all be adults? She's feeding her child. Maybe I start screaming and crying too. Yeah. Maybe Joey wants to taste. Why would it be wrong? It took me a minute. Why would it be so wrong to grab a blanket? Maybe it was up overhead and she was just trying to stop the baby from crying. Yeah, she was trying to help out the guy next to her. You know, like, oh, I'm so sorry. Here, let me get the baby quiet. Thank you for the call, Scott. Maybe she hadn't slept in three days and she wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe you just hit the button and have the flight attendant come over. Can you grab me a blanket? Yeah, tell that to the baby. Speaking of crying, why don't you tell your story, Woods? That's not for the air, my friend. What a crying story. Is it bad? Is it bad? Is it bad? What do you mean, is it bad? Did you do something bad? I didn't do anything bad. Something was done bad to me. Okay, well, it's definitely for the air now. Does it involve jail? Does it involve jail? No. Okay, I'm asking you. You told me it wasn't for the air. You said it wasn't for the air? Yeah, I told Jay it was not for the air. No, you didn't. I never heard that.
What is it? I'm not telling you. You're not? No. You didn't tell me I could say it. You have to now, awkward. All right. Why is this like the Roast Woods show every day? Dude, I'm just nervous that it was something bad. It's nothing bad. No, it's not bad. What is it? What do I look like? I don't know. You look like my friend Steve Woods that occasionally stirs it up. All right. Yeah, I'll tell it I guess because I'm gonna get made fun of anyway if I don't get made fun of more if I don't tell it Did you really tell him not to yeah? No, that is not true. We have a debate about it again Okay, so we're in New Orleans now. I have a friend one of my dudes. I used to work with the reach local Was gonna be in town the same time In New Orleans and he lives in he lives in Dallas now. He's from Louisiana originally and so he's like hey, what's he? I'm gonna be in New Orleans. He's Cajun boys. It was Cade Mm-hmm. Okay, go out as Cajun as it gets I'm gonna be at the same time We got to hook up got hook up cool. I haven't seen him in you know eight months nine months cool, man Let's grab a beer whatever ditch your team. Yeah ditch my squad and and go out and see a buddy who I see my team every day, you know, so Don't I so I
I get the call from Cade, and he's like, hey, I'm downstairs. I'm thinking we're going to go down to Bourbon Street, grab a couple beers, make it right. Get in the car, and we drive, and we drive, and we drive. 40 miles, 35 miles outside of New Orleans. Wow. So he's like, I got land out here, family land. I thought we'd hang out here. We'll shoot some guns. I'm like, oh, who does he think he's got? Ted Nugent here? Yeah. Shoot some turkeys with a bow and arrow? So we go to this dude's land, and it's nice. I mean, I like being out in the country, too, man. Throw a dip of snuff in, have a couple beers, kind of feel like a man, right? Shoot some guns, you know, it's a cool thing. I would like that. Yeah, it was fun, right? Well, I'm like, okay, it's hot, you know, it's muggy, it's hot, and he's like, hey, I got to show you this part of my property. It's kind of... It's waterfront, basically. And I'm like, all right, so he has a boat, a little boat. So we go, two guys on a little boat. And I'm like, are we going to fish? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Yeah, deliverance, right? It's light out? It's dark-ish, but not dark. It's dusk. And it's, you know, you can see. So we're on this frigging boat. How are you feeling? Nervous, nervous. Because I know where I'm at. Because I can tell you're like sweating even talking about it. I know where I am. And you guys know what.
is in Louisiana, and a lot of it. Gators. Freaking gators. Oh, gosh. Everywhere. But you don't see them that often. No, you see them when they chum the waters and they come up to the boat that you're sitting in that's a little tin fishing boat. He chum the waters? Yeah, dude, he's laughing. Okay, this kid, Cade, this is the kind of guy that will jump in a swamp and grab a gator around his throat. Like, he grew up with it. I'm not kidding. So you're well protected then. Yeah, am I? I didn't have a suit of armor on or a bazooka. That's the only way I would have felt protected. So we're in this boat, and I'm like, and I call him Cade because it's Cade. I go, Cade, are we safe? Are there gators going to tip us over? He's like, dude, there's gators all in these waters here. And he's showing me. There's one, there's one, there's one, there's one, there's one. Along the side, I am petrified of alligators. Petrified. Petrified. Huge. Huge. Six, eight feet. I'm like, and you see him slithering down in the water. I'm like, listen, if you're in your car, you can't see me right now. My eyes are the size of saucers. My skin is crawling. So he's like, starts throwing this. You got goosebumps. Look at my hair. He's got goosebumps. He starts throwing crap in the water and they start cruising up to the boat, eating it. And I'm like, okay, dude, this isn't funny, man. Hey, man. Hey, dude, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. Dude, he's laughing.
Throwing stuff in the... How well do you know this guy? I've known him for five years. And I... Dude, I got so... I was mad and I was scared. I've been in some scary... Hurts atmosphere. Hurts atmosphere. I've been in some scary situations in my life, a lot of which were self-imposed. Right. I can deal with something that I get myself into. Right. When somebody else gets me into something, I'm like, screw you, dude. I'm like, I'm... I was so mad I cried. I cried. I cried. You did mad cry. Hold on. Moment of silence. I mad cried. Yeah, moment of silence for your mad cry. Wow. You cried. You just said on the air. You cried. I mad cried. How did you not tell me this story? Because, dude. I didn't want to. It's embarrassing. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. He was like, okay, there was... There was no joking when he told us this story. He wasn't laughing. There was no lightheartedness about this story. Wait, you're sitting in a boat with your friend Kate. Yeah. There's alligators all around. Yeah, all around us. It's dusk, and you're crying.
Crying. You know what I want? That's not funny. Hey, that's not funny. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's not funny. Oh, my gosh. That's not funny. That's not funny. It's like a movie. What if you got stranded at sea, and I was like, ha, ha, ha. No, wait a second. Hang on a minute. You're fine. Am I fine? Your friend Sade was with you, and if anything happened, he was going to be there to protect you. He was going to be a smooth operator. I'll tell you what, dude. I'll tell you what. Oh my gosh. When you stand there and you face something that you are... Death. I mean, here's the deal. You're in a boat, Woods. Bro, it's a tin fishing boat. It's made out of tin. You're a hero. But this dude, he wouldn't take you there, right? If he thought you'd get hurt. Dude, they're Louisiana country boys. They don't care. He would have saved you. Oh my gosh, I want to hear so bad what Woods sounded like at that moment when he was mad crying. Did you try to hide it or did it just come out? It just came out. I'll tell you what. It was mad cry. When he told us the story, like, Jay and I didn't even crack a smile because of how serious he was. Yeah, it was very nice. And I swear there was, like, tears welling up. Oh, yeah. In the corners, as you told us. I was scared. I was scared to death. You know, have you ever been scared?
to death where my heart was racing. I was like, dude, Kate, this is not funny. Get me home, man. I got to get back. I'm trying to do the bit of, hey, I got to get back. I got to get packed up for tomorrow. I got to leave. And then there comes a point where your mind starts to kind of go into the panic mode. When you snap. Yeah. And when you're begging somebody to do something and they're laughing. They're just laughing. They're laughing. You get my anger welled up. Dude, here's a deal. You're worked up now telling this story. I would have punched him if I didn't think he would have punched me back and knocked me in the water. Holy cow. I was like, dude, get. Here's me. Get me out of here. Get me the F out of here now. I'm not F-ing around. Let's go. I like how you say, get me out of here. Get me out of here. Bro, gators going. I was like. You're not dramatic. Kill me. How is that dramatic? Gator's going. He's throwing him food and they're eating right by the boat. They're a foot away. They're a foot away. What did he do once he realized he started to cry? He was like, whoa, dude. Took me back. 40 mile drive. Didn't say a word. You guys sat in silence? Yeah, I did. He was talking and I was like, oh my gosh. Get me out of here, dude. Get me out of here.
What I would have paid to see him get out of the car. Yeah. Door slam real good. Have you talked to him since? No. Never talk to him again. Oh my gosh. Are you serious? No. You're going to get him back. You probably walked in that lobby all sweaty and stinky. You know how I could get him back? Shoot him in the knee would be an even get back. Oh my gosh. Petrifying. You probably started convincing yourself like, okay, this is it. This is how I'm going to die. Mikey's going to be like, why didn't Woods come back? Well, he was out drinking beer in the woods and got eaten by an alligator. Did you tell him where you were going? Yeah, I told him. Well, here's what I told him. Hey, I got a friend that's in town. We're going to go hang out and grab a couple beers. I'll text you guys later. I didn't know I was going out to the country to be Dukes of Hazzard and get eaten by an alligator. Dukes of Hazzard. Oh my gosh. He was showing you a good time. Yeah, it was a great time, Sienna. Sienna, what are you most afraid of? I didn't know you were most afraid of gators. What animal are you most afraid of? I'm not saying... I'm just asking you, what animal? Giraffes. I don't like their necks. What animal? Spiders? Do you like spiders? I don't like spiders. What if I laid you on a table surrounded by spiders? You'd be like... You would freak out. Yeah, I wouldn't like it. No, it's not fun. And I understand why you were upset. Bastard.
Oh, I wish that. But the angry cry. No, you don't wish you were there. I wish I were flying on that wall. I do. No, you don't. I do. I do. I do because I, again, go back to I don't think he'd have done it if he knew that, you know. No, I don't think he expected me to be a giant. Yeah. He didn't. But when it comes to gators, yeah, you call me whatever you want. I defy anybody to be like, yeah, I'll go sit in that boat when there are gators all around it. And I don't like them anyway. I defy you. Wow. You want to prove me wrong? Do it. Send me a picture. I would have gladly have done it. Really, Jay? Jay would have. And you know what? They're not going to crawl in the boat. They could tip the boat over. I'm trusting if somebody did that, I would think, well, I wouldn't be here if there was anything that could go wrong. BS, dude. Things happen all the time that are out of it. Accidents happen. Bro, what if two of them pushed the boat over? Just somehow knocked the boat over. No way. What if you hit a stump and the boat started to sink? I used to teach Steve lessons. Oh, my God. Yeah, what if I fell out? What if I slipped? You're telling me I couldn't slip and fall in that water? I fall in that water, I'm dead. Dead. No, that's not necessarily true. Really? We water skied a lake full of alligators, and they never messed with us at all. These guys were a chum around the boat. They were feasting on it. If you're just tuning in, Woods' friend, Sade. Out in New Orleans. Beautiful hair. Out in New Orleans.
Took Woods out to shoot some guns and... Yeah, ride on boats. Real fun. Take a boat ride. And they took a boat ride. With some gators. And there was gators and Woods got real scared. So scared I cried. And I will admit it to the day I die. I have no problem admitting it. None. Mad cried. Mad cried. Like, get me out of here, man. Big difference. This is BS. Did you cry again when you came home and told Jamie the story? No. Hell no. I was cursed a lot. Yeah, he was dead serious. Wow. I don't know that I've ever cursed that much. Wow. Than I did on that boat. If you had hidden audio, it would have sounded like this. Beep, beep, beep. I was letting everything fly I could. Oh, my gosh. That was crazy, dude. Nobody photoshopped a picture of Woods crying in a boat. Nobody photoshopped a picture of Woods in a boat with gators and him crying. That was terrible. Okay, so I'm never going back. From CNN, this is Wyclef Jean announcing that he is running for president. Are you running to become the next president of Haiti? Yes, it's my first time announcing it live that today I went in and I signed and I am running to be the president of Haiti. Now, people that know anything about him know that he loves his country and wants to see change and wants to see people be helped.
Here he is talking about why he's doing it. Over 50% of the population is a youth population. And we suffered for over 200 years. Now that our country has a chance to rebuild from the bottom on up. And I don't even say I'm trying to be president. I'm being drafted by the youth of Haiti. Right now is a chance for us to bring real education into the school, for infrastructure, for security. and proper jobs. So this is some of the reasons that I'm running. Now, to me, that guy sounds genuine and, you know, authentic. Absolutely. And really wants to help out. He's always wanted to help Haiti and has helped. You know, it's not like just some random person, like, I'm going to run for president, you know? That's so rad, man. So listen to Sean Penn's reaction. Oh, no. The last thing in the world Haiti needs, and I'm not accusing Wycliffe Jean of being an opportunist. I don't know the man. But I think it's extremely important that we pay great attention to both the individuals in the United States who are enamored with him, maybe not for his political strengths. Do you mean that they might be enamored with him because he's in a band? Yes. And then they wouldn't necessarily take his causes seriously because he's in a band? Yeah. Well...
That's interesting, Sean, because you're very politically active and you're not most known for politics. You're most known for playing Spicoli and smoking weed and fast times at Ridgemont High. So aren't you saying that people might be enamored with him for the wrong reason, yet people might be enamored with you and your cause for the same exact reason? Aren't you kind of like a... pot and aren't you kind of calling that kettle black blackish color blackish color that's a kind of a black hue to it and in particular for corporate interests that are in enamored enamored with him and those that may themselves be opportunists on the back of the Haitian people right now I haven't seen or heard anything of him in these last six months that I've been in Haiti well how do you know what he's done how do you know he's trying to be like I'm more qualified to be the Haitian president than Y-Club. Because he's been there on the front lines. Yeah, I've been down in the trenches. I'm so wasted. How do you criticize the dude for wanting to help his country? That's terrible. That's Sean Penn. He was born there, too. Yeah, he's a Haitian. He's just trying to shift the spotlight. I'll tell you right now, I love Sean Penn. I do. He is one of the most brilliant actors ever to walk this earth, but his bit with the politics just slays me.
Yeah. It just kills me. It's brutal. And, you know, I'll still go see his movies because he's so good. But, dude, come on, man. Eight o'clock, the guy with the longest tongue in the United States of America is coming in. Apparently there's a guy from India with a longer tongue. So he can't say that he's the guy with the most. In the world. In the world. Just in America. But also, how did, Sienna wrote this down, and I don't even want to know until she tells us live on the radio. How did burnt cheese block traffic on iTunes? I cannot wait. It's next. Welcome to the program. It's the Mikey Show with me, Mikey. Woods, our sports guy. Lauren's our assistant producer. Sienna's our news girl. And Jay is our executive producer. Got a meet and greet this Friday. It's going to take place. downtown San Diego at the Tipsy Crow. And it'll be from 5 to 7 at night, so please make plans to come down and join us. Fifth Avenue downtown. Going to be a lot of fun, and the guys have to wear... The guys on the show have to wear skinny jeans. Thanks a lot, Mike. Wear it well. I... Yep. Okay. You guys will look great. Oh, yeah. So, if you want to see that... You do. Yeah. You do. Yeah.
So there it is. Nick Afanaseev. Afanaseev. Nick Afanaseev has the longest tongue in America. He just got here, and since he walked in, I wanted to be like, let me see your tongue. I've been staring at you now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wow. He's pulling. He's pulling it. He's stretching it. Whoa, he can go to his eye. He's touching his eyelash with his tongue. With his tongue. He's touching his eyelash with his tongue. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Sienna, I did the same thing you did. He walked in. As soon as he walked in, I wanted to go, put your tongue out. We had to wait until the reaction. Holy. I was just staring at his mouth being like, don't stare at his tongue. He's just wiping. Dude. You can pick your nose easy. Okay, wait. No way. He's picking his nose with it. He's picking his nose with his tongue.
Real, like, it goes all the way up in there. He's twisting his tongue. He's twisting it a few times. It looks like one of those donuts that are swirl. Yeah, it looks like a twirl donut. Yeah. Okay, Nick, I have so many questions. Okay, how old are you? Does it hurt? I just turned 21. Just turned 21. Doesn't hurt at all. It doesn't hurt. Mm-mm. Did you mature into this tongue? Um, no, it's always been long, but, like, recently I just realized it's, like, one of the longest in the world. Okay, how did you find out? Did you put it on YouTube? Yeah, yeah, about two years ago I put it on YouTube, and then all these TV shows just started asking me to come on there, and that's when I realized, like, it's, like, record-setting. In high school, did people think that was really cool? Yeah, like, people I didn't know always came up to me and asked me to see it. I was always, like, popular for my tongue. Right. Yeah. A lot of jokes there. Insert your own joke there. Insert your own joke there, yeah. Do they measure from all the way in the back there? No, they actually measure it from your lip, closed lip, to the tip of your tongue. Wow. That is... So how many inches is your tongue? It's about 3.5 inches. It's 9 centimeters. From your lips to the end. Yep. That is... It looks longer.
Oh, yeah. It looks about three feet long. Now, Woodsy, you'll probably remember this. The rap on Gene Simmons used to be that he had to, like, surgically cut the bottom of his tongue to make it so long, like it was always an urban legend. I heard it was a cow's tongue. Yeah. There's all kinds of bits. You hear all this kind of stuff. Well, his tongue is longer than Gene Simmons' tongue. Yeah. There's no doubt. Have you ever been kissed for Halloween? I have, yeah, last year. Yes! It was pretty cool. Yeah. Do it again. Oh, my gosh. And he can... He can make the end of it wriggle around independently. Do you have a girlfriend? Oh, not right now, no. It's too bad. Do girls like to kiss guys over the long time? Yeah, I'm dying to know about kissing. Is it different? Have you heard anything about the way you kiss? Well, nothing like crazy. I don't know. But it's not like I just stick it all in there. Yeah. Stick it all in there. Just little bits at a time. How can you help it? I mean, you know, it's your tongue. It's the tongue you have. Fill up a girl's mouth. Yeah, she's like... Only if he extends it. Compare. Oh my gosh, there's no... Woods has his tongue out right now. And his... Woods is his fat. Yeah, Woods is like... Stop, Woods. Okay, Woods. I can touch my toes to my...
To my nose. Not my toes. My tongue to my nose. Sienna, Sienna, after a guy came in here and just licked his own eyebrows, you touching your nose doesn't do as much for him. Darn it! Yeah. This guy just stuck his tongue out and was able to touch his eyelid. His tongue just did the can-can dance. Yeah, it did. Have you seen him flap the end of it? Yeah. He was doing it. Oh, my gosh. So, Nick, if people want to see you on YouTube, what would they search? You can go to YouTube.com slash Tongue Boy Nick. Tongue Boy Nick. I have a lot of videos. Have you been recognized on the street? People like, let me see your tongue. A little bit, yeah. And I've been on Nickelodeon's iCarly, so a lot of little kids want to take pictures with me and get autographs. That's crazy. Oh my gosh. That is cool. Maybe you can somehow parlay this into something. I don't know what, but what do you do? I mean, I parlayed being a clown into a radio career, so he can certainly do something with that. I have some ideas, but I don't know if they're appropriate. Yeah, you can't say any of them. He was on iCarly. Like all these TV shows, he's on Tyra Banks' show. That's awesome. That is so cool. So now, I guess you just got to figure out something to do with it. You know, you got to figure out something to make it into a thing. Yeah, commercials or something. Commercials. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. L-O-B.
Olivia is the creepiest pervert. She is. She's in here just the whole time. She's had a 10-minute blush. She's been blushing for 10 solid minutes. I mean. I know. Put it on a tee. Put it on a tee. What happens? Yeah, girl's going to knock it out of the park. Absolutely. Well, listen. I think it's really, really cool. It's very unusual. Nick Afazianev. Is that right? Afanesiev. Yep. Afanesiev. Afanesiev. Is that Spanish? It's Russian, actually. Now, are you from how many generations out of Russia? I was actually born in Russia. But I came here when I was really young, like six or something. Really? It's amazing. It's amazing, the tongue. And you got to go see it. It's on YouTube. We'll put it on our website, too. It's incredible. Put it up right now. Can you eat? Is there any food that is more fun to eat? Ice cream? Ice cream. If I'm eating yogurt, I can lick the bottom of the cup. I don't need a spoon. No way! Like in a yogurt little canister, like a Yoplait. There's a Yoplait in the fridge. Maybe we should get it. Yeah, we should try it. I'll go steal it. I'll steal it right now. I think it's mine. If it's banana, it's mine. I'll steal it. No, Woods! If it's banana, it's mine. You can take it. The bananas is Sienna's. Woods just ran out of the studio. He's running. Would you be willing to eat a Yoplait?
and let us see you eat it with just your tongue? Definitely, yeah. He's like, can I say no now? Because the guy just ran out of the studio to go get it. He's got it, he's got it. It must be mine. Is it? Now, let me see that thing. That thing is like... It's Boston cream, same thing. It's got to be, I mean, how far to the bottom of that? Has it got to be six inches? No. Four? Four inches, okay. You want us to pour some out of the top? Yeah, you want to get rid of some of it? Sure, yeah, yeah. What would be the best thing we could do here? yeah we get down to the bottom that way you don't have to eat the whole thing yeah make sure the expiration date and everything's all good are we getting video of this oh my gosh okay perfect all right so how much is left in there was like an inch like an inch of uh yeah of yogurt do you want this just in case you drip um it doesn't matter it's fine he's like i got this please He's got the lip of the cup into his mouth and you can see that he has got his tongue in there. He's coming out every time with plenty of yogurt. I couldn't do that in a million years. He is eating yogurt out of the bottom of a Yoplait.
Wow. We're talking to Nick. He is also known as Tongue Boy. He's got the longest tongue in America, in the United States. I want to get every food in this place and watch him eat it. Yeah, I know. I know. I want to be like, hey, if we put a pineapple in the other room, can you get it? Can you jump rope with your tongue? Look, he's cleaned out the bottom. Dude, he cleaned it up. He's like a hard part. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. Wow. Well, listen, Nick, that was fantastic. We thank you. Did we get a good shot of his tongue? You got a camera. Let's get a good shot. Stick your tongue out as far as you can. We're going to get a good shot of your tongue and post it on MikeyShow.com. Just incredible. Weird. I want a picture. So crazy. Do a side-by-side. Wait, I want to get in. Wait, wait, wait. This is the radio, guys. They're all sticking their tongues out. I'm ducking. I don't want to be in. They're all sticking their tongues out next to them. That is the greatest thing. That is the greatest. Let's hear it for Nick. Thank you. You are the man. Love it. Thanks for coming in, buddy. Thanks for having me. We appreciate it. Jay's going to help you. That was incredible. You'll have a girlfriend in about five minutes.
He is available, ladies. The only downside to meeting him, ladies, is it's kind of hard to spell afiasianev.com. If you start to put in Nick AFA in Google, then it'll automatically fill in. I just don't know that from looking or anything. Dude, that is really cool. When I saw the schedule, I was like, All right, guy with the longest tongue, great. And then he threw that thing out of his mouth and it rolled down. Has anyone else wanted to just stick their tongue out and play with their tongue after you see that? Like, how long is mine? I know. How long is mine now? Maybe I can do some of that. I've tried it. I've tried to do everything with it. No way. I mean, that dude. It was like a lizard, like a snake. That's insane. It had a mind of its own. Yeah, definitely. So, Sienna, I'm dying to know how burnt cheese ended up blocking traffic on I-10. There was a semi-trailer driving down the freeway carrying 39,000 pounds of shredded cheese while the brakes of the truck caught on fire, which ignited the trailer and all of the cheese. Whoa. And, yeah.
Burton cheese closed down the freeway. Unbelievable. It was everywhere. The cheese shredded out. Everyone was fine. The driver was able to get away, but yeah. I love cheese. I do too. Imagine just you're stuck in traffic like, what is the holdup? Why do I want a quesadilla so bad? Is that Brie? Pat Noster's. There was something going on in Encinitas last week. For a whole week, Encinitas smelled like tomatoes and garlic. I don't know why or what. I wanted to see if people, anybody else noticed it, unless it was just me creating garlic and tomato smell. Probably. You know what I mean? But, oh, my gosh. It's so weird. So good, probably. 570-1949 is our number. And earlier, Sienna told you that Mark Wahlberg's kid came here to San Diego, went to Legoland. They have an aquarium there. Sea life. And his kid got attacked by an octopus. Yeah. Crazy story. And then also, here's what I want to tell you about. The most popular downloaded songs ever. These are the most popular downloaded songs ever. Now, do you know, Sienna, if it's from iTunes? And is it in any particular order? It's measured by the Nielsen sound scan. Okay. Now, is it any particular order? The top 20. In order. Number one to 20. Okay.
no one would ever guess what that number one is. It's Raining Men. No, it is not. They all seem very recent. I mean, recently, obviously, the downloads have increased, you know, so it's relatively recent music. This is what they say is the number one downloaded song. You want to start with number one? Well, and this is in history? Yeah. Well, downloading has only been of, what, like the last decade? That's what I mean, so it's... Let's do the top 10. Okay. Give me the top 10. Number 10, Flo Rida, Right Round. Will you give a number how many downloads? Yes, it does. Gosh, 4,594,000 less than a year. My goodness. Yeah. That's incredible. That's incredible. It's incredible, yeah. It was number one for six weeks. Taylor Swift, Love Story, number nine. I've downloaded that. Weird. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift. Where are you, Taylor? A lot of these, when I was reading the list, I'm like, I've downloaded that. Oh, yeah. I've downloaded that. I've downloaded that. But music recently just seems like people are going nuts for it. I don't know. Is it? Yes. It's the worst time in musical history. But now it's not CDs, it's downloads. Nothing wrong with that. It's just so easy, though, to just click a button now.
Then, you know, getting a ride to the record store and all that. Hitching a ride down to the old record store. And you're just buying one song, you know. You don't have to buy the whole album. You're buying one song. Yeah. Number eight, Timbaland with When Republic Apologize. It's too late. It's too late. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. When this song first came out, I was obsessed. I think everybody was. Oh, no. I hated this song the moment I heard it. I was like, this is amazing. I covered this song, by the way. What? I learned it on acoustic and covered it at a bar. I would love to hear that. It killed, by the way. Why don't you play a little right now? I could. Maybe don't. Grab the guitar. Are you kidding? Get it? No. I don't remember it, but I can look it up. We'll do it at the next break. Oh, okay. After you practice. But I did cover it. What else? Kesha, TikTok. That's a recent one. Oh, yeah. I don't like that song. It's real catchy. What does she say? Is that Snooki? I thought it was Kesha. Listen to her. You know what? When I hear her sing, she sounds like a brat singing. Yeah. That's the take, though. Never heard of it. Never. You have. I never have. I promise you. Yes, you have. I've never heard that. Young girls love it. Oh, yeah. This is that song that- Sounds like she's a sassy, you know- A little turd. Yeah. That's a song that Jenna, my nine-year-old stepdaughter, sings all the time, and it talks about getting crunk, and I'm like- God.
I know. With the nine-year-olds getting crumbed. I know. Don't say that. I want my bottle of Jack. Yeah, that's what she said. You're eight. Really? But it's the young girls and they play this stuff like on the Disney Channel now. I know. On the Disney Channel. I want my bottle of Jack. Number six, Jason Raz, I'm yours. How many people had this as their wedding song in 2009? No doubt. First time I heard it, I was like, this sounds like something that would be in the Jungle Book. Yes. Yeah. You know that wedding I played a few months ago? The bride goes, I just have one request. You can play anything you want, but you have to learn I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. You know what I said? Absolutely not. It was her wedding. I said, no. No. I thought you were going to say that she said, just know Jason Mraz I'm Yours. Oh, no. She said, that's the only one I want. It was a good song. And then it got overplayed. It was a nice, sweet little ditty. Yeah. Number five, Lady Gaga poker face. All the way in. There's a few Lady Gagas on there, by the way. Mm-hmm. Weird. Give me some poker. It's catchy. What?
It's catchy like gonorrhea. Like, how are you not saying git to this one? And you're in on it. Like, you never know with him. You can't figure him out. I know. You're a jerk if you like this song, or this song over here, but he likes this one. Pink's okay. You're hard to read, my friend. That's a jam, dude. That's a jam. Number four, the Black Eyed Peas. Boom, boom, pow. Git. Right. He says he's out on Black Eyed Peas. But Lady Gaga is fine, and so is Pink. Oh, this is great, man. Git, git, git. Gotta git, git, git, git, git. I love this song. I like it. This next one. Oh, yeah. This song was everywhere. Lady Gaga with Kobe. Kobe. Colby. Kobayashi. What? Lady Gaga with Kobayashi. Hot dog eating champion. Hot dog eating champion. Like, is it wrong that I didn't even know that there was anyone else on the song with Lady Gaga? It was Just Dance. Jam. I didn't know it was anyone else. Right? That's Lady Gaga that sings Just Dance? Yeah. This was her first big song.
Smash. I put this on my blog the other day, but kids singing it. Is Lady Gaga okay? Yeah, I like Lady Gaga. Some of her still. But I don't get it. Why? She's an icon, that's why. She's not. She's creepy. Yeah, I know. That's fine. It makes her even more cool. She works with good producers. Number two, Flo Rida with T-Pain Low. They're really into that, aren't they? They love that Flo Rida. Oh, is it Florida? No, it's Flo Rida. Flo Rida. Oh, I like this song, yeah. Weird. This is like the best booty drop song ever. Oh, boy. That's what I was just going to say. I was just going to say. Check the words right out of Mike's mouth. Pretty good tune. That one is so good. I like that tune. You guys ever seen the viral video of the kid dancing to this? Yes, it's G. Little red-headed white kid. How about we get that and put that up again? That was so good. How about we have him in the studio? Chances it's on Sienna's blog tonight. How about he's like 48 now? No, that song's not that old. Okay, and the number one. Any guesses? No. Party in the USA.
No, but it's on there. I can't believe it was in top 10. Party in the USA was number 18. The number one song downloaded in digital history. Dong downloaded? Dong downloaded. In digital history. Yeah. History. Top song, number one, right here. Black Eyed Peas, I Got a Feeling. I've downloaded it. Catchy. Catchy, but terrible, but catchy. Muzzle talk! You can't just yell that out. Love it. Love it. It's all right. Shoot me. Let's see. I can't believe it wasn't Miley Cyrus' party in the USA. Lindsay's looking at the rest. There's like one rock band on here and it's Coldplay. Oh, Train. Sorry, two. I bet what contributes a lot to that is now college kids having parties and they're getting their playlists together. They're like, I'm going to download this party song. That's a bit. Did you guys hear about the bank that got robbed by a clown?
No, it was not me. This happened in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. A woman was arrested after she robbed a bank wearing a clown costume. She said that she told employees that she had a bomb and then fled with an unknown amount of cash. Here's audio of the robbery. Hi, good day. Welcome to the bank, sir. No, do I sound like a sir? Ma'am. What can I do for you? What you can do for me is put all the money in this bag as quickly as you can and nobody gets hurt. Are you robbing me? Yeah, I'm robbing you. What does it look like I'm doing? It looks like you're dressed like a clown and you're in a bank. Is this a new bit? Do I amuse you? Am I a clown to you? I'm pretty amused. Hang on. Stephanie, come here. Look at this hermaphrodite robber. What is this? What are you trying to be? What is that? What am I trying to be? I'm trying to be a bank robber. Wait, are we being robbed? Apparently, this clown is trying to rob us. What the heck is so funny about my outfit? What is so funny? Why am I so funny to you? You trying to be the new geezer bandit? No, I'm not trying to be the new geezer bandit. It's a new bit. It's a bit. Give me all the money. Let's pretend. Here, I'll give you the money. Why don't you kick rocks, pal? Get out of here.
Waste my time. Maybe I'm leaving. Yeah. It's the most humiliating robbery. It's the most humiliating robbery ever. Maybe I'm leaving. Maybe I'll leave. M1 Michael knows why it smells like garlic around Encinitas. Are you there, Michael? Yeah. What is it? They had a restaurant row with like all the different restaurants on the 101. We're doing like a tasting of food. Oh. I think it was the guy with the longest son probably dropped some food out of his mouth. Oh, man, that makes me wish that there was actually a memo that went out so I could say I got the memo, like you said. I can't believe you smelled that. You know what? Yeah, I did. It smelled delicious, man. It's like a big pizza. I grew up in Gilroy, and they canned tomatoes there, and it's the garlic cap of the world. So in summertime, it smelled like a big Italian dish. That sounds amazing. Oh, it was awesome. Woods of Wisdom is next. We're going to do Woods of Wisdom. So if you have a question for Woodsy, guy question, could have to do with fashion. It could have to do with girls. It could have to do with dating. It could have to do with anything guy related. 5701949 and then we're going to read you some of the stuff we've got. We're also going to find out some published reasons not to send your kid to college. Are you interested in that? Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Sleigh Bells. Treats.
Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. There are five people on the cast. Myself, Woodsy, Lauren, Sienna, and Jay. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, you may have heard over a week ago, three prison inmates escaped from a jail in Arizona. One was captured in Colorado. Two now, they believe, are somewhere in the Yellowstone area of Montana or Wyoming. Now, they were on, what's that show? America's Most Wanted? Yes, on Saturday. So they think they've been getting a lot of calls and stuff, and apparently that's where they think that these two escapees are, and they are armed and dangerous. Also, on a lighter note, here in San Diego, one of the world's biggest yachts has just docked. Really? Downtown. Mom! I want it! I've already been on it. Just kidding. It's 390 feet. Oh, wow. It's known as Motor Yacht A. This thing is nuts. It's the seventh largest mega yacht. I thought it was a yacht. Of 2009. I don't get it. I know, never mind. It cost at least $300 million to build, and it consumes almost 700 gallons of diesel fuel per hour. That's a yacht of diesel. That's yacht funny. It's yacht funny.
It has bomb-proof glass and bathroom knobs that alone, the knobs cost $40,000. Wow! You can see this yacht. It's insane. It looks like a submarine with a hotel on top of it. That's crazy. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? The Padres are taking on the Pirates the next few days at Petco Park. They remain two games up in the West. Crank a little music there. A little louder. A little louder. I got to tell you about your San Diego Brewers yesterday. No. Yes, I do. Your team. Yes, I do. Turn off his mic. Now, by yours, he means the wives of all the guys that play on the team. No. Music on, mic down. My team. 14 to 3 winners over the Elite yesterday. It was incredible. Two more hits for the kid. How much do you get paid to be on this team? I pay to play. Oh, yeah. Just thought I checked. Still hardball, kid. The big win. Good job, Wood. Good job, Woodsy. Winning streak, my friend. So let's prime the pumps for Woods of Wisdom. You want to ask Woodsy a question? It could be about dating. It could be about... It could be about baseball. It could be about baseball. 570-1949. Give us a call. Do a little Woods of Wisdom with you. It could be about a hitting streak that a certain cast member has right now. Oh, wow. Okay. Or it couldn't be. So, Sienna, why...
What are the reasons they're giving for not sending your kids to college? There's a few. More than 60% of people entering college could take more than four years to graduate. So whatever you think your kids are going to cost you to go to college, you need to add 20% to 100%. Wow. Yeah, I don't want my kid to finish in three years. Can you do that, kid? No. Can you finish in three? It's like impossible now. Almost impossible, yeah. Because so many kids go. I mean, when I went to San Diego State. I couldn't get any classes that I wanted. You have to crash and they don't get in. And it's impossible. It's nuts. I wouldn't be able to do it. College? I think I'm a smart guy, but I don't think I'd do it. I think I'd be good at it. I can't study. I don't know how to study. I was so good. It took me six years. Really? Yeah. It took me forever. You're a smart guy. Yeah, but I was... You were having fun. I can't like to party real good. How about you? What about... I graduated in four years. Weird. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't surprise me. Come on. And she's a girl. Girls are way more responsible to me. Trust me, my GPA was not that great. Really? I partied a lot. Are you willing to tell us what your GPA was? Nope. Really? I'll tell you mine. It's got to be better than mine. When you graduate, do you just get like one GPA? Yeah, like your final GPA. If I round it up, it would have been a 2.9. That was a 2.7? Yeah, mine was more like a 2.8.
four, five, something like that. Is that like C's and B's? Yeah. It's like a C. It's like a C. It's like a good, solid C. Whatever, at least you did it. ABC, you're in the top three, dude. What else? The differential in lifetime income between a college graduate and a non-college graduate over a 45-year career is about $800,000. Now, I'm just reading these for you. So they also say, if I put that $200,000 that I would have spent per child to cover tuition costs, living expenses, books, whatever, 3%. They're giving all these weird stats right now. Basically- That scares me so bad. I got three kids. I mean, it's so expensive. The money you put on it is, man, it's not worth it. I mean, I'm sure you guys, kids aren't going to tell you how to run your portfolios, but I'm sure you guys are already thinking about that. Yeah, we have a thing set up that's for their college. Will you open up a YouPromise account too? What is a YouPromise? YouPromise is like a rewards, like a spending program that goes into, what is it?
501. 401? No. I don't know. Whatever the college fund. 501 Blues. No. Whatever the college fund is. And certain vendors or retailers that you go to or even certain brands, you spend money and it gives a portion back to you. That's rad. That's rad. Never heard of it. Maybe you signed up for that. Yeah, it sounds good to me. It's great. The average debt burden of a college graduate is $23,000. Now, if you want to get a professional degree, the burden can go up to $200,000. Oh, wow. And so... I mean, it can be insane. By the time you finish college, you owe so much money that it's like, what are you even supposed to do? How are you ever supposed to get ahead? But I can't, you know, I don't think I could in good conscience tell my kids not to or even encourage them not to go to college. The only way that I would is if I saw that my kid was exceptional. Now, I mean exceptional. I don't mean that he can play guitar. Right. I mean that he can play guitar. Right. He's so good. A notch of a... Your brother-in-law. Yeah, who's freaking... He was here last night. He was playing on my couch, and I almost vomited. He's so good. Now, that's the deal. He's so good. If somebody is that talented at something, and they want to pursue it, okay. But they got to be, and they have to know it, and they have to... Because when I was a kid, I told my parents when I was 18, I want to be in radio more than anything else. Now, my parents thought...
he may actually have the skills to be able to do it. Yeah, for sure. But you have to know, the person themselves has to know too. Because my, quickly after getting into it, I wanted to just be the most well-known popular DJ in America. I wanted to be the best guy on the air ever. Yeah, and you know, part of me wishes that my dad would have come to me when I was, you know, because... If you know me and if you've known me for that long, you know I'm a sales guy. I was born to sell, you know, and had my dad come to me when I was 19 or 20 and said, hey, you know what? College really isn't your thing. Maybe you go start selling radio now. I'd shudder to think where I would have been. right now, even though I'm doing pretty well. Yeah, but don't you think that you would have been fine if you started at the bottom in radio? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. If I had to do over again, I would have started right in high school. I think that now there's so many college graduates that they don't get the credit that they deserve for going through all that school. And bosses, it's almost like, okay, well, they have someone with four years of work experience. They start at the bottom without a college education, but they have someone with a college education who has zero work experience.
they're going to take the person with the work experience well it's just a catch-22 because you hear from i hear from my friends that don't have a college degree they're trying to get into like quote unquote the corporate world and they say they you know they can't it doesn't matter what their experience unless you're in sales you can't get the experience is the only thing just depends on what you're going after and it depends on the company you get Yeah, you're trying to get into. Were there more on there, or are we good? It's basically, I mean, they're just telling you all the things that you're going to owe and all the expenses and stuff, and now it's not worth it, and how there's more college graduates now than ever before. Let's do this, then. 5701949, you want to ask Woodsy a question? You could also go to mikeyshow.com and enter your question there. This one comes from M1 Largo. He says, Woods, is there a rule about calling a girl after a good date and how long is too long? I've been chilling for a week. Dude, pick up the phone, pal. Right? Pick up the phone. Yeah, you know what my only rule is? And I've broken it like an idiot. Calling the same night. I don't see anything wrong with calling the next day.
Maybe late afternoon. Don't want to call first thing in the morning. But call maybe late afternoon the next day. Let them know you had a really good time. But, dude, five days, you're playing games real good there. You know what I like is if you go on a date with someone and then if it goes well, you get a text later. That's what you said once. I love that. That's what Todd did on our first date. And I was like, oh, my gosh. He texted right away. Like, man, I had the best time with you. And it's like, oh, my gosh. That's a good move. I thought the same thing. That's pretty cool. Me too. You're right, Matt. No, we're married. That's Motorboat. Oh, wow. That's weird. How did you know what I wrote? LOB, if you went on a date with a guy and it went well, when would you be comfortable that he calls? It just depends. Like, if I was really into it the way that Sienna was with Todd, I would like it that night. But if I was still on the fence and he texted me that night, I'd be like, ooh, get, get, get. Desperate creep. Yeah. Just depends. Here's the deal. With the old. The old standard is two days. You always wait two days. I don't like more than a day. I like a day and a half, maybe, you know, a day. I would call the next day. Yeah, I don't really like more than a day or two. You'd call if she was walking to the door from your car. That would be even too strange for me. You would drop her off at the door, and then as you're walking from her front door to your car, you would call and be like, hey. I miss you. I'd text. I love you. I would text. I miss you. I miss you, baby.
If you call the next day. You just met her. Yeah. When you're getting off work the next day and you're like, oh, I just got off work. I just wanted to call and talk to you and see how your day was. Had such a good time. If it was a Friday night date, call by Sunday at the latest. Absolutely. Agreed. Yeah, or maybe Saturday. At the latest Sunday. Yeah, you text. If she doesn't text you back after that first night text, she doesn't text you back, you're like, fine. You know what? I don't even want to see you anymore. We're broken up. This is over. I'm already on a new date. It's not you. It's me. It's not you. It's me. Woods, have you ever been attracted to a girl that dresses weird? I met this girl in Oceanside last week, and as it turns out, she's friends with my buddy's girl. Only thing is, she wears these shoes that look like clogs. I don't even know what they are. They're just weird. But she's super hot and super cool. Have you ever come across that? And did you just ignore it and go for it? M1 barrel. Absolutely, man. You have to because fashions and things like that are going to change and whatever.
moronic shoes she's wearing. She's probably going to grow out of them soon. Plus, she whittle another pair. Yeah, she always whittle another pair of clogs. You guys, clogs. Maybe she's a chef. That's what a lot of chefs wear. Maybe she's from Holland. Maybe she's from Holland, yeah. I wear moccasins, and if Todd had not been with me, he hated my Ugg boots, and he dealt with it. See, there are people, there are dudes. As a dude, you're either in on Ugg boots or you're not. I love them. I think they're cool. I'm all right. I mean, they're okay. He was out on them, but now because of me. They look ridiculous with shorts. All right. They look ridiculous. I think that's sexy. But girls wearing. Yeah, I do. You don't wear moon boots and shorts, pal. But girls, I mean, you're allowed to have your own style. Yeah, I guess. Let's see. I guess. This one's good. Strap yourselves in. Oh, no. Especially you, LLB. Oh, God. Is this going to get LLB and I in a fight? Mm-mm. Okay. Babymaker? Woods. There's a local celebrity that I am starting to crush on. I see slash hear her every morning. How would you approach her to ask her on a date without looking like a creep? M1 Dave. M1 Dave, you're a creep. If you mess with my little sister, I'm going to take the belt to you. Stop. Here's the deal. No, I mean, L.O.B. is a very sought after commodity right now. That's a great way to put it.
She is. She's like, you know, gold or oil. Everybody wants some. But here's the deal, and let's just say it. Let's get it out there. Let's get it out there. Because we've discussed it with her off the air. Yeah, we've kicked it around. We've hem-hawed around a little bit. L.O.B. will date when she's damn good and ready. Well, and here's the thing, too. It's like, if I've never met you before, it's just, to me, it's unfair that you... Like I've heard me and you know stuff about me and I don't know anything about you. So like at least at a meet and greet or there should be some like initial meeting before getting propositioned. Okay. You're going to get propositioned. We have a meet and greet Friday. So you got to put it out there. Okay. I'm just saying if we have some sort of like chemistry or whatever, but sight unseen and not knowing to me, it's like, it puts me in a very vulnerable, awkward position where it's like, Hey, well that's not fair. I don't know you. So now does that mean that you would be okay if the person, listened or you would not it would be so situational I don't know it's a little weird for me because like I said it puts it it kind of doesn't even the playing field because it's like well I put my heart out there on the line every day and you know all this stuff about me I don't know anything about you but that's your job yeah I know but it just puts a little bit of like okay I'd have to get used to it I don't know it's a brand new position for me it's definitely awkward but I think you can't
I'm not discounting it. I'm definitely not discounting it. I'm discounting it for you. I like our listeners. No, no. I like our listeners, too. What do you want? Our listeners are cool. I know, but I don't know. There's something in me that would never be like, oh, I hear her. She sounds cute. I'm going to go watch the webcam. I'm going to ask her out on a date. No, no, no. I'm not saying that particular. I'm very traditional. Right. You are so traditional. When it comes to dating and relationships and things. I haven't even been able to get on stuff like Match.com. So if I've never met you and you're going to just send me a message out of the blue, I'm going to be a little creeped out. Yeah, and that makes sense. And I'm going to take the belt to you. Woods, you've never had a star crush? You used to paint pictures of some girl. You know what? When I was 12, I'm 35 years old. I'm not going to write somebody and be like, hey, you work on Jim Rome's show? I love you. You're real sexual. Let's go on a date. But wait a second. What if you are a listener? L.O.B. and her takes, the stuff that she's into, you're attracted. And then you go online, you're like, wow, she's a good looking chick. I'm not going to ask her on a date. I may try to meet her somewhere. And that's the thing. Okay, so that's the thing. Don't try to meet me in my shower or something like that. And also, don't try to make the initial thing through an email. Let's put it this way. Let's say I worked in an office building, right? And I saw a really...
foxy young male girl walking around delivering mail or a new sales rep. Yeah, I'm not going to go up and be like, okay, her name is on her desk. Let me get her email. No, dude, I'm going to walk up and I'm going to be like, how you doing? I'm Steve Woods. Yeah, but some people aren't that confident. But for me, it just seems a little bit weirder to do it online. You know what I mean? But times have changed, man. Yeah, times have changed. I don't know. I mean, like... I've gotten a couple messages where I'm like, I kind of feel like, based on your sense of humor and everything, like, yeah, we actually might hit it off. But there's something that's very traditional inside me that's like, no, but this ain't right. Well, yeah. Then the person meets you. You know, they meet if we do, if we're out and about somewhere. But I get that, you know, if you feel weird about it. Well, then put out there, I don't want to, you know, I'm not willing to date. People that are listeners, which is okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, if that's the way you feel, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know if that's how I feel. But she's also just got out of a three-year relationship. She's upset still. Oh, that's right. She cried about it last week in the air. Give the girl some freaking breathing room, man. But also, I would recommend, and I think it's not.
you'd probably like if a guy just sent you a message like oh my gosh I really enjoyed what you said about this like I totally agree with you you know I really agree with a lot of the things you say yeah let's get by the way can we get married no that's almost better to like like Sienna says like it opens up the lines of communication and maybe once we start like oh gosh I don't know if I want to put this out there no but then it's like she knows your name she knows kind of what you're about and then one day if you guys do meet then she'll remember what you do is you go To a desk somewhere in your house. And a little letter to L-O-B. Do I put an apostrophe in between L and the B? I am writing to say that I really enjoy the things you say on the air. Maybe throw out an example, something funny. For instance, that one time you said you like... I was like, oh my gosh, I do too. Don't have it sound like this. You want to make it funny. Also, I wanted to ask you, would you be available to go with me to Acapulco this weekend? Well, okay, now that's a difference. And this does not apply to...
African-American. They've got cartons. You guys are all the way in. That's fantastic. Oh, there you go. M1 Dane from Fallbrook has a question for Woods from Woods of Wisdom. Good morning. Good. How are you, man? I'm good. Good. Thank you. I'm at my first customer's house, but I pulled over because I called you guys before I... this pool. I'm glad you have your priorities in order. Very good. Yeah, kind of. Okay, so here's what's going on. I got this woods, and so far I've taken her surfing a lot. She's really big on surfing, but she doesn't know how to stand out, so I'm trying to teach her. So we have this thing where we'll go surf, and then I kind of like this chick. I think she kind of likes me. I'm not sure. She's kind of trying to crack the Da Vinci code. It's like mad crazy to do this. She is a woman, pal. Well, I'll tell you right now, man, she obviously likes you. I mean, because you don't, it's pretty easy. You don't hang out with somebody that you don't enjoy spending time with. Do you? No, no, no. Lauren? You can paddle over on into the friend zone. No, no. I'm not saying that's where he is. And I'm saying they very well may be friends, you know, at this point.
But she enjoys you, dude. She likes you. She likes spending time with you, which is, man, that's always the first step. If you can build a rapport, it's either going to happen or it's not. I mean, you're literally in that point now. You've built a rapport and you guys are hanging out all the time. It's going to happen or it's not going to happen. There's only two ways this scene can go, good or bad. And there's not really one thing you can do to be like. I'm ready to take this to the next level because then you're kind of cheesy. The best thing you can do is just kind of go with the flow, man. I mean, really. Can I play devil's advocate? Yeah. Because that is definitely going to be Woodsy's perspective because from Woodsy's perspective, he's a sharp cat. Usually if girls were hanging out with Woodsy, they liked him. Yeah. Okay. Now let me give it to you from the chubby guy perspective. Mikey. There were many times that girls would hang out with me, and they hung out with me because they liked my company. They didn't want to make out, but they liked my company. Yeah, dude, I mean, if you're a sharp cat, then you're good to go. We used to work together, but the cool thing was, it wasn't like, oh gosh, we worked together weird. It was, okay, she's night shift, and then I'd roll in in the morning, and then I always saw her maybe like...
an hour and she would take off and now i'm at my new job but we stayed in touch it's like every time i see her like it seems chill and all like like it said surf and go eating and then like i've even been lucky enough one night where like i've gone over like oh friday saturday night it's like oh we're playing card games and there's a little bit of drinking you want to hang out here you're like oh sure i'm on board why not keep that up nothing nothing has happened after a night of that well hey what what what What's going on? It sounds like, you know, the next time you guys are playing card, you know, you have a couple pops. You're going to be a little more brave to do. Oh, some liquid courage. Liquid courage. And, you know, I don't want to recommend it. But, hey, if that's what you need to push over the edge, maybe grab her by the hand, walk her outside, you know, put your arms around her and be like, man, I just got to tell you, I just love spending time with you. I love spending time with you. This is great. And then just start making out with her. That's too much for a little bit. Yes, but I don't want to be like the creeper guy, you know. And you will be if you do that. No, you're hard out like way too early. She's like, oh, what's this guy? But it's not way too early, man. You've been hanging out with her. Okay, but that's so... Maybe try a little hand to the knee. See what kind of reaction you get. Hey, Dane? Yeah. How old are you? I'm 20. How old is she? Okay, I don't... I'm just going to put it out there because I'm twice your age. I'm 40 years old. I'm just going to throw this out there. Make sure she doesn't have a boyfriend. I'm just throwing it out there. She wouldn't be hanging out with him. Wouldn't she? Wouldn't she?
Ask her, dude. Ask her now. Ask her flat out. Dude, ask her flat out. Hey, do you have a boyfriend? And when she says no, she probably will, go, are you seeing some people? Because what they'll do is they'll maybe avoid the direct. That sounds weird to me. You're then crazy. You just made yourself crazy, guys. Okay, well, he's crazy already. He's not. No, he's good. They're taking it chill. Keep it chill and then make your move, man. When you see that opportunity, you strike like a cobra. But what if the opportunity doesn't come and he's just wasting his time getting more invested with someone who's not interested? Yeah, yeah. When I'm doing that, she's just like seeing other people behind my back. It's like, oh, I like his company. And I was like, oh, I just got to break the eyes. You know what, then? I just got it. Play aloof, pal. Act like you don't care. Oh, no, that's no good. Trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me. Dane, I got some bad news for you. You're already really digging this girl. Oh, yeah, he's in. You're in. So, anyway, thank you for the call, Dane. Appreciate it. Good luck to you. Sounds like Dane could use somebody real good. Yeah. All I can think of is pigeon poop. Yeah, exactly. That's all I can think of. Queens.
Why is Vegas considering banning hula hoops? When you took your driving tests, did any of you guys screw up real bad? Like it was immediately with a hand up? Why am I not surprised? Call us if you have a funny story about your driving test. 570-1949. If you want to hire the greatest graphics designer in the world, his name is Jared. And you can find his website, createyourdesignonline.com. It's good. Guy did our... Bumper stickers. He did our billboard. He does our website. And he can do it for you, too. He did business cards. So, listen. Get a hold of him. He'll custom do something for you, and he'll do it quickly, too. We got a meet and greet on Friday. And it's going to be great, man. Meet and greet going on 5 to 7 at the Tipsy Crow, downtown San Diego on 5th. 21 and up. So, get on down there. It's going to be a good time.
Let's see. Five people on the Mikey Show. Myself, Woodsy, Lauren, Sienna, and Jay. Welcome to the program. Been talking about our weekends. If you're just tuning in. Talking about our weekends. Already did the word of the day. Gave away charger. Bears tickets, if you're just tuning in. Talked about Woodsy and Lauren and Jay being in New Orleans and Woodsy being in a boat where alligators are coming up to the boat. Attacking me. His friend was... Bringing them up to the boat, and Woodsy got so angry at his friend he began to mad cry. I've been known to mad cry before. Mm-hmm. A couple times. Yeah. Won't hurt you. So he got real upset and he mad cried. Won't hurt you. Won't hurt you. Won't hurt you at all. It'll only make you stronger. That's right. Let's see. So, Sienna, why is Vegas considering banning hula hoops? Have you ever seen hula hoops? When you're walking the strip? No. Apparently there's an area where it's a hula hoop experience. Oh, the mall. Yeah, by the mall. They're not just small hula hoops. They're like these huge hula hoops. And people stand out there and just hula hoops. Really? Yeah. Weird, weird. It's like break dancing, but they're hula hooping. Really? Right, but they say that it's disrupting the roads and, you know, it's causing confusion. Why? Because people are slowing down to watch?
Yeah, and they can't just walk. They're not doing it in the road. Hula hoops in the way. Why is it disrupting traffic? I've been to Vegas a thousand times. Never seen it. I know, me neither. But authorities are thinking about a ban to get rid of hula hoops. Really? I guess that's the biggest fish they got to fry in Las Vegas. Yeah, maybe prostitution first. We gotta get these damn hula hoops. We're okay with that. Yeah, prostitution's fine. You know that. It's the world's oldest profession. It's okay. 5701949. is the number. Give us a call. Did you ever do anything dumb when you were learning to drive? You know, when you're getting the driving instructions and all that from the driving instructor. M1 Rob from PB, you there? Not too much, dude. What'd you do? I passed my test. I pretty much passed the flying colors, but I was living in Seattle at the time and there was a driving rainstorm and I locked the keys in the car with the wipers on and the lights on and the car running. The test car? Yeah. Oh, wow. Test car? Yeah, like the driving test car because, you know, they have a driver. No, you drive in your car. Oh, I thought that you... If you don't have a car, though, they don't be able to test car. The one I was testing in was a borrowed car, but the DMV had just closed. I was stuck out there until the cops came to help unlock the car. That day, the day you passed your driving test. Yeah, that was the day I passed. Wow. That sucks. Can't even drive away. Let's see. M1 Anonymous from San Diego. Hey, how's it going, guys? Good.
I got my paper license, dude. It's not five minutes old. I walk out to the car, get into the van, which happened to be my grandmother's van. She let me borrow for the driving exam. I go to back out of the parking spot, and I hit a chick coming back from her driving exam with a driving instructor in her car. No way. The license is paper. It's not five minutes old. A lady gets off of the car. The driving instructor gets off of the chick's car, walks up. to my window she's like do you have your license I was like you know what I just got it oh my gosh She went inside the DMV, came back out. She's like, yeah, I already filed the report and everything like that. You're five minutes old. You already got a report on your license. That was totally her badge. She didn't even have a license. Let me tell you, that was always my Achilles heel, was backing out of spots and knowing that there was nobody behind you. And I got in one wreck when I was 17 or 18, and now I'm skittish. Even at 40 years old, backing up, I'm still skittish.
I failed my driver's test the first time that I took it. Are you kidding? Yes. What did you do? No, I'm not kidding. I slammed in the curb when I was parallel parking. You can't touch it. So typically what they used to do, what I heard, was you go do your driver's test and at the end you parallel park. I took the written. I go outside and the guy's like, well, we're going to parallel park first. I go, all right. Had my dad's Mercury Sable. Oh, wow. And backed it up into, no, I didn't. Had been learning on his Mercury sable. Took my grandmother's freaking huge cutlass and turned and slammed in the curb. Where was the sable? Dad took it to work. Oh, wow. Yeah, so grandma and my nanny took me, and I had her big cutlass or whatever, and I backed up, slammed in the curb. Guy's like, okay, good job. See you later. Done. That's it. Done. Didn't even drive. Didn't do anything. Done. Had to wait. three months or whatever. It was miserable. See, I hit the curb all the time now when I do it. Oh, I'm the worst. I made the other day at the beach. I stopped, got out, and made Jamie parallel. See, I hit it on purpose, though. She has that Suburban. I can't do it. That's awesome. I want to be as close as possible, so I'm going to keep backing up until my tires hit. Oh, wow. I can't do her Suburban, man. It's too big. I'm not used to it. Let's see. M1 Jack from Escondido. Yo, what it is, Mikey? What's up, dude? I took my driver's test in Escondido.
As the instructor sits into the car, I was like, just to break the ice, at least crack a little joke with him. I say to the guy, hey, just so we're clear, red means go, right? Oh, gosh. And the guy just got back out of the car and walked over to my mom and told me to come back when I'm ready to take it serious. Oh, my gosh. What a jerk. How about you get a sense of humor, guys? Come on. What a clown. That's brutal. This is not comedy school. Yeah, this is no laughing matter. What a clown. You guys have a nice day. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Yeah, you know, learning how to drive, taking the driving test, the whole thing. Clueless. My wife has seen it 955 times. Oh, it's so good. I passed mine, but I was so nervous. I think I got 100%. You did? I'm pretty sure I did, yeah. How about you, Elodie? Actually, I know I did. I can't remember for the life of me. I know I passed it. I know. I got my written. I was like a 72 on my written and then failed the deal. It was great. I did on my 16th birthday, too. So I was like, my day is done if I fail this. And I went to school late, went and took my test, drove to school myself later. You would have had to cancel your trip to Dubai for your 16th birthday. I know. I know. I would have been bummed. One of my boys sent me this, and I thought it was pretty funny.
Nine words that women use and what they mean. If a woman says fine. Not fine. It's not fine. It is anything but fine. It's the exact opposite of fine. It says this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Yep. Fine. Fine. Five minutes. Half an hour. That's a very conservative estimate. In my house. I'm just going by what I know. Forty minutes of mine, but. I thought I was the only one. Really? Let me tell you. You are not the only one. Yeah, five minutes. If she's getting dressed, that means half an hour. That's what says here, half an hour. That makes me crazy. I'm a guy. I get ready so quick. I get ready quick, but I was fine. I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to answer this email. Get sidetracked. It's the worst. That would drive me nuts. If a woman says nothing. Something. Yeah, everything. 50 things. It says this is the calm before the storm. Like what's wrong? Nothing. What are you supposed to say if nothing's wrong, though? You know what you're supposed to say? Oh, no, I'm totally fine, babe. Yes, yes. Yes, that's not so right. Hey, babe, what's the matter? What's the matter? Oh, no, nothing. I'm tired a little bit. I'm fine, though. Done. It says here that arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. Yes, exactly right. Here's another thing a woman says.
Go ahead. Don't go ahead. Well, it says here, that's a dare, not permission. Oh, yeah, exactly. Hey, hon, I'm going to go to Vegas with my boy's bachelor party. Okay, I guess I'm good. I'd like to see you try. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead means I'll slit your throat. I will. You can go ahead and do it. Yeah. I'll slit your throat. Yeah, and you instantly feel the same thing that you felt like with your mom. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wow, I'm not going. I'll just unpack this. Duffel bag and be on my way. Or if you're Woods, you go anyway and the war is on. Yeah. Loud sigh. If one is a loud sigh. I'm real good at the loud sigh. Me too. It says here, this is actually a word. It means get away from me. But it's a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot. And she wonders why she's wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Yep. It's pretty dead on. Sounds about right. Yeah. About right. Just leave. Go away. We're not getting anywhere. Number six phrase from a woman. That's okay. It's not okay. You really hurt my feelings. You really hurt my feelings. Says this is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay.
For your mistake. I'm trying to think of a that's okay example. Like when's a moment? He told you he was going to be, you are going to a girlfriend's like double date thing. Okay. And you were very, very specific with him that he had to be home by six o'clock. Okay. He shows up at 624. And he goes, babe, you have no idea. I was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you go. That's okay. That's okay. Oh, God. It makes me so bad. You know what it is? She just put a little feather in her cap for later. She's going to use it on you real good. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, I'll get you back. Here's another one. Thanks. The woman says thanks. A woman, if a woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. It says here, I want to add a clause here. This is true unless she says thanks a lot. She says thanks a lot. That is pure sarcasm. And she is not thanking you at all. Do not say you're welcome. Oh, you'll get choked. Because that brings on whatever. You'll get choked, yeah. I like to say, oh, you're welcome. Oh, so does my husband. Oh, boy. I'm fired up just talking about it. Yeah, whatever's the next one, by the way.
Whatever is nuclear war. Not even in a relationship, but I'm mad at my fictitious significant other. Right. Whatever is a woman's way of saying the F word to you. All right? Oh, I'll just say the F word to you. Lauren will just say it. But whatever means that you're dead. Who says whatever anymore? Whatever. I would probably say it. If he was rambling on about something, I'd be like, whatever. I'd be like, shut your effing mouth. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Terrifying. Terrifying. Terrifying. Terrifying. Terrifying. It's weird that you're single. Here's the last one. They're hugging right now. No, we're not hugging. No. We're not hugging. One is hugging. One is hugging the other. Oh, no. Oh, no. She just gave me the shoulder brush. Oh, no. You just got shoulder brush. It was just me being a smart ass. I apologize. You did a really good job at the expense of others. I know. That's what I do. Last one. Okay. I'm dead. Don't worry about it. I got it. I say that one a lot. It's another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. Basically because that happens every single day. This will later result in a man asking what's wrong, and the response will be nothing.
Hey, thanks. Don't worry. I got it. When we ask you guys to do something and you don't do it, it's like, God. Women really do, though. They do say something and it specifically means something else. And they will especially do it with other women. For instance, this is my favorite one. This is my favorite woman-to-woman statement. Excuse me? Excuse me doesn't mean... really it doesn't really mean excuse me like pardon me no it what it means is what did you just say you better back up yeah because you did not just say that right it means what did you just say or you know but they can't say what did you just say so they go excuse me oh guys never say to guys you'll never hear a guy say to a guy Excuse me? Really? No! No! I can't think of... Dudes do not say excuse me to dudes. That's a straight girl thing. I don't say excuse me. To another girl. You don't? You don't? You're not in that category?
I don't think so. Excuse me? Now, this is a girl, if she's being a little bee. Yeah. With her hand on her hip. One girl says something. Excuse me? Oh, yeah. That's it. Oh, yeah. If it's something that they said about, like, Jenna, my stepdaughter, like, she was, you know, over step boundaries. Like, oh, why don't she get in line or something like that? I'd be like, uh, excuse me? Or L.O.B. You're at the grocery store and your sister's with you, blah, blah, blah. And I don't know, like, maybe. Your knee sneezes and somebody behind you goes, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. You would get them. And roll their eyes. They might get a, excuse me? Yeah. They may get a kick in the shin. Yeah. But guys don't give the excuse me. No. Guys go, hey, give me a break. Dude, what did you just say? Zip your lip, pal. It's different. Especially if you get the excuse me if you say it about someone else that you're with. Oh, yeah. For sure. Not necessarily about you. Let's see. An eagle. An actual eagle. Forced an Alaska Airlines pilot to abort his takeoff. Yeah, about to take off. This is in Sitka, Alaska. And on the runway.
moments from wheels going up, Alaska, an eagle gets sucked into the engine. Holy cow. The pilot watches it happen. They have to stop. He was able at least to stop the takeoff. Yeah. And passengers were like, oh my gosh. It was very subtle. Well, they're huge. An eagle is huge. Yeah. They're huge. Yeah. And it was, they had to stop and they had to bring in another plane and everyone got switched. Back onto the other plane. But, I mean, what scares me is imagine if an eagle got sucked into your plane as you were in the air. Toast. I mean, I'm sure that happens. Yeah, I think you'd have to. You couldn't just stop it then. Well, obviously. But I'm saying if you're able to prevent it, then they kind of have to. Well, I know the answer. I actually know the answer. You do. What? Airplanes are equipped to fly with less engines than they have. Attaboy. Look at you. Hey, I knew one. That's the only thing I know. Really? Yeah, they can shut one down. Yeah. If you lose one, they're supposed to be able to fly. But then you do an emergency landing? No. I don't think so. I think you'd fly through it. I think they fly to the next closest landing spot. You can't just fly with one engine if the backup is out, you know? Tripped me out when we went on the boat, deep sea fishing this weekend, and there was birds way out in the middle. You can't see land. Yeah. And there's birds out there. It's weird.
I'm like, where do you guys live, man? Where are you heading? Where are you going? You're just passing through. Are you tired? Yeah. Where do you land for a breather? Are you drunk? Are you lost? You lost? Little bird? They're migrating. I guess. But don't they have to stop and get something to eat and use their facilities? They're going to Alaska where it's warmer than San Diego. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to tell you about a woman that found herself swimming alone, surrounded. This is not an exaggeration. That's the key word. Surrounded by sharks. So I'm going to tell you that next week. And then how about this one for the dudes? I'm going to give you some signs that she is into you or not into you. And you're going to want to know this. You're going to want to hear this. It's next. Mikey Show meet and greet is this Friday. It's going to be downtown. And it's going to be a good time. Tipsy Crow, downtown on Fifth Avenue.
They're going to have specials out there for you and stuff. It's a 21 and up place called the Tipsy Crow. And we will be there with me, Jay, and Woodsy in skinny jeans. Yeah, again, he said skinny jeans. Jay, Mike, and Woods will be wearing skinny jeans as in the jeans that hug your ankles. I still don't believe it. I just don't want to do that. It's going to be great. Too late. I just don't want to do that. Should have had tofu then. I think I'd rather wear skinny jeans. God, I'm going to look like an idiot. I'm going to look like an idiot. What shoes do I wear? You wear... LLB? Not sandals. I don't know. Vans? Clown shoes. I don't have Vans. I'm going to wear Converse. Chuck Taylor's? I don't have Converse either. Footflops. I'd give you a pair of mine, but you wear, like, size 15, so... You're going to look ridiculous either way, so what does it matter? Wear your Spider-Man shoes. Just because I want to make fun of you even more. Wear those Spider-Man shoes that you have. Oh, those Hugo Bosses from Milan? Yeah, the ones that look like you're an astronaut. Yeah, wear those. They have suction cups on the bottom so that you can scale windows better. You're not going to see them in road and track, pal, all right? You're not? No. No. You'll see them in high fashion magazines. No, you'll see them in...
You'll see him in an astronaut's life. Woods, I'm imagining every pair of shoes you have, and none of them are going to look okay with skinny jeans. Yeah, they're all going to look terrible. I'm going to look like an idiot. But you have to, like, Mike is going to show up. Mike, I have a feeling you're not going to look bad. I think Woods is going to have the hardest time. Sienna, really? Sienna. I'm serious. Sienna. You're going to have, Mike's going to show up with a studded belt on. This chain wallet is going to come back. Oh, my God. Bring back the chain wallet. Can you leave me alone? I just said you're not going to look that bad. I'm going to look. He's going to look awful. I'm going to look like a brand muffin because I'm Mexican. What kind of shirt are you going to wear on top? I don't know. Listen, there's a rule. You can't wear a super long shirt. Yeah, you can. Can you? What? It covers up the whole thing. You're not going to show off my junk. You have to have like a band t-shirt. What the hell am I going to wear? ACDC? A flannel. A flannel? Why don't you guys get our outfits for us? If you're going to make us do it, make it right. Flannel. I'm showing up 40 weeks pregnant, all right? I'm waddling in there. This was all your guys' brilliant idea. No, it was Mike's idea. That's true. But you guys are the ones executing. I didn't say, hey guys, let's wear...
Skinny jeans. Mike, you just brought it up. You threw down the gauntlet, and we picked it up. Lauren wanted to get tofu wraps for lunch, and Mike said, I would rather wear skinny jeans than do that. Big mouth, big mouth, big mouth, big mouth. Big mouth got you in trouble again. I actually like tofu. Thanks, Mike. You also like skinny jeans, so who cares? How long do we have to wear them? An hour. That's two hours. A whole time. I'll tell you the whole time. Get used to that idea, and then I'll cut it in half. Oh, that's nice. What if it's an hour? I mean, I just feel bad for you guys because you're going to walk in feeling self-conscious. Really? So maybe you can change into them at the bathroom there after an hour. I'm going to need powder and stuff to get these things over my fat legs. We're all going to go to the bathroom and change clothes together? Yeah. This is what it's going to look like at my house at 10 o'clock at night. My wife. attaching a diesel truck with a hitch to the end of my jeans to get them off. How do you get those things on? I don't know. I don't have any. Can I just wear jorts instead? Jorts? What are jorts? How about cut-off jorts? Oh, no. Please, can I wear cut-off jorts instead? Nope. With a big hiking boot? You can wear your snooks.
I'm going to look like an idiot. There, you can wear the Sanooks. We are, in fact, going to look like idiots. And you have to walk in wearing them so that people on the street, when you park your car, have to think that you're serious. You're a sadistic woman. We're going to get them back. We're going to get them back for a meet and greet. Real good. Real good. All right, Sienna, tell me the stuff that dudes need to know. that the signs that we should be getting from a girl that tells us that they're into us or they're not into us. I don't know how legit this is. I'll tell you how legit they are. Okay. Guys always think that girls like them when they don't. A girl will say hi and a guy will go, she's in. She likes me. Did you see that? She definitely wants me. You guys do that a lot. Here's a sign that she's into you. She tilts her head. When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head. Really? For sure. Really? Show me. Oh, that works. But also, I feel like I would tilt my head.
You're pathetic. No, you're pathetic. If you tilt your head and also play with your hair, it's added. Really? Yeah, she twirls her hairs on there. But if she tilts her head and she squints, it means, no, I don't want to kiss you. No, I don't want to kiss you. Yeah, that's true. I've done that. When a woman is drawn to a guy, she'll instinctively mirror his actions. So she'll take a sip when you take a sip. For real? When you pick your nose, she picks her nose. Yeah. When you have to adjust the boy, she'll adjust the bra. Oh, okay. That makes my mouth water. Thank you, T.L. Now, this is when you can't deny when the girl gets a glow. Now, blushing, it could be embarrassment. Yeah, she's happy. I got that when the tongue boy came in earlier. Yeah, she did. You were blushing for an hour. Kid with the world's longest tongue. America's longest. And when baby shaker calls, she gets that glow real good. Yeah, she gets that same glow. She's twisting her hair with her head kicked to the side and blushing. All of it at once. All of it at once. Oh my gosh. Her pupils dilate. Her what? That's weird. That's weird. They say essentially the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing. Weird.
I don't think that. I don't believe that one. What if someone was staring deep in your eyes like, got her. People's just dilated. I don't believe that. I don't think that happened to the girl. What if a guy was like, you're into me. Your pupils are dilated. She's like, what? This came from the high doctor. No, I'm on meth. No, I'm on meth. Okay. Sorry. You know what? My mistake. See you later. See you. Some signs that she's not into you. She crosses her arms as if to close herself off from you. But then again, I do that a lot because it's comfortable. Yeah. I'm doing it right now. Yeah, you're doing it right now. And if you're cold. Yeah. If you're cold, you do it. Smell the armpits. Make sure you're fresh. Weirdest thing Tiana Perrari's ever said. Speaking of which. No, they do that. I got an impromptu deodorant when I was in New Orleans. What is that? Oh, you had to go buy one. Yeah. I smell like a man. What'd you get? Arm and hammer. Arm and hammer. Why didn't you get a girl one? I didn't know it was active sport. Well, why didn't you know since it's written right on the... No, I have her back on this. You know why? It was locked up. Because it's locked in a case in New Orleans. In like a vault. We had to get someone to come open the case. We need Bill on aisle 12. But when you got it, didn't you see that it said... I made like a real quick judgment call. I'm like, I'll get one too. And I grabbed it. Because I was getting deodorant. I got home and my kids were like, you don't smell like yourself. I was like...
What does that even mean? I didn't have my rock crystal that I usually use under my arm. I smell like T.O. You do? You're still wearing it? You're still wearing it? Oh, you know her. She's too cheap. She's like, no, I paid cash money. I paid American dollar currency for this thing. I will use it until every bit of it is gone. I paid for this with money. Real money. Real green money. Stop it. $1.25. I didn't use it in New Orleans. I forgot about it. It was in the plastic bag at the bottom of my suitcase. So when I got home and I unpacked, I was like, ooh. Jackpot. So I put it on this morning, and now I'm like. Man. Does that mean you were rocking New Orleans about a deodorant? Oh my god, yeah. It smells like my uncle. It smells like Old Spice. It smells like my uncle. Wow, they're smelling each other in there. We've smelled you before. Oh my gosh, that's straight up Jim Rome in a locker room. Grab a take. Don't suck, Lauren. Use my deodorant. Wow. All day I've been like, who smells like Old Spice?
It's me. It's you. It's you. Active sport. That's hilarious. Disgusting. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Maybe you bring it in. I'll bring you my powder fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You bring me your actual sport. We'll make it run. So gross. You know, that just brought up a dilemma for me. Like, if my only choice was either by secret or not wear deodorant, I might go. No, you wouldn't. I think I would. Mike, it's pH balance for a woman, but strong enough for a man. I know it's strong enough for me, but it smells too girlish. No, it doesn't. It smells feminine. It smells delicious. If it was baby powder, I don't think that's necessarily girly. Powder fresh, delicious. This is from the guy that makes his own cologne. It's a neutral smell. That's true. It's not neutral. It smells very feminine. It smells like petals. Well, petals. It's better than... Stinking like stink. It's better than stinking like, yeah, stink. Yeah, that's how I feel. And having onion pits. I'd rather smell like Jim Rome than onion pits. Absolutely. I get it. Got an onion in a headlock. Gross. Another sign that your date is not into when she places her bag between the two of you. So, for example, you're sitting across from each other. She puts her bag on the table. They're saying it's like a barrier. Oh, really? Yeah. I've never seen a girl do that. I've never seen a girl do that. Or what?
Well, then that's a good sign. Easy there, ladies man. I have never seen a girl do that. I think I've done it. I think I've done it. You put a bag between people? Maybe. Your kimono bag. I don't put it on the ground because there's like dung on the ground. I put on the chair. Where do you eat? In a barn? Hanging on the stable? Yeah. Where do you have lunch? In the stable? Sometimes. Yeah, maybe I do, Mike. There's dung on the ground. There's dung on the ground. Where are you? Having lunch? Finland. Imagine her putting her big purse made of kimonos on the table. Ew, no, not that one. That one I'd hang from the chair, but like the little guy. You got a little guy? Yeah. Little guy? Little guy. Oh, the little purse. Lauren just bent over. Oh, my goodness. It's just a little guy. That's a little tiny guy. So if she put that between me, I could care less. Yeah, who cares? Take the size of a wallet. Yeah, it's tiny. It's a wristlet. Another sign that your date is not into you is when she speaks faster than an auctioneer. So just think romantic conversations, usually a little slower, a little softer. I've known girls that just talk like that. She was on meth. What if she's nervous? What if she's on meth, you know?
More likely. You go, thanks for the lunch, and see you later. I know you didn't eat anything, but I'll see you later. Scratch your arms all up. Mrs. didn't like her meal? Just a glass of water. Yeah, just a glass of water, please. She strokes her neck. It may be a sign that she's interested, but it's also known to be a sign of lying. Hands to the face. I've slept with, like, three guys. Yeah, while you're rubbing your neck. Hopefully that's not what you talk about on a first date. You guys aren't asking that question on the first date? Is that weird if a guy does that? Oh, okay, so the woman that got surrounded by sharks, where did this happen? This happened, I don't know exactly, Bethune Beach?
They're not giving me a state or anything like that. Yeah. But I know it's in the Atlantic Ocean. And this woman likes to go swimming off the coast by herself. This is bad, guys. I saw on Shark Week, by the way, they were showing putting dummies in the water. And when dummies are grouped together and they have a single... Mannequin out by itself. The sharks attack the single mannequin. Oh, wow. I surf by myself. Well, this girl, this woman was swimming a couple hundred feet off the shore. Now, she was by herself. A couple hundred feet's a long way. It's a long way, dude. It says that she was only about six feet deep in the water, though. Still, that's a long way. No, that's not, bro. 200 yards is a long way. 200 feet's not that far out, man. It isn't? No. It was around 7.15 at night. Oh, feeding time. Why would you do that? You're not supposed to swim at night. You and I have been 200 feet out in the water together. Just pass the break usually.
Is it? So she was getting out past the waves to swim, you know. And so she was by herself and another couple got out of their car just to look at the ocean, you know, it's nighttime and they saw this woman swimming by herself. Then they saw the sharks coming towards the woman. Now these people are on the beach, you know, and there's no one else around. They see this woman, they see the sharks, they're like, oh my gosh. Holy cow. The woman in the water gets picked up. by a shark. She's on the shark's back. Are you kidding? He goes under her and then comes up to the water, picks her up, and she's like, oh my gosh, is this a manatee? Apparently she's had an experience with a manatee. Oh, a manatee! Apparently she's had an experience with a manatee before. She saw the black... It was once. It was in college. It didn't end well. It didn't mean anything. It didn't end well. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask me about the manatee. I had a lot to drink, okay? That was a lifetime ago. I told you I don't want to talk about the manatee. First of all, he told me he was a porpoise. And he told me he loved it. Oh my gosh. Well, so she thought it was a manatee at first. Then she looked to her side and saw not one.
But numerous sharks on both sides of her, surrounding her sharks. She's on a shark's back, A, and then there's sharks swimming around her. So she remembers something that she saw on TV. How do you get away from a shark, guys? Do you know? Punch them in the nose. Gouge them in the eyes. Grab their gills. Yes. You punch them. You punch them. I heard that was a myth, man. I heard you gouged their eyes. So did I. I heard it was a myth, too. So she started punching the animals, and she said that as she seemed to roll onto one side, it sort of wrapped its tail around her. Imagine shark tail wrapped around you. Wrapped its tail around her? Yeah. I've had shark tail wrapped around me before. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Not alligator, though. Then when a wave came in and knocked her off the shark, apparently, and then she said all of a sudden they were all gone. Oh, thank God. Did she cry? No, she was tough. She's old. Jay, that was a shot at Woods. What? I picked up on it. I don't care. Did a mad cry she did? I picked up on it. That's all right. It doesn't bother me. She was wearing a black bathing suit. She said maybe they thought I was a seal. They don't just play around with a seal like that.
Sometimes they did. But she was fine unharmed. The people that were on the beach ran to her, you know, as she was coming out of the water. Yeah. And she just walked right on shore, not a scratch. Wow. From a punch in the shark. The number one alternative song in the country right now is from Paramore, The Only Exception. Sounds to me exactly like Avril Lavigne. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Sleigh Bells Treats. Me and Woodsy and Jay have to wear skinny jeans on Friday to the meet and greet. And if you want, you can come and see us. God, paybacks are a mofo. Please come. It's going to be at the Tipsy Crow, downtown 5th Avenue, 5 to 7 p.m., 21 and up show. And that's humiliating. The place is awesome. It's awesome. I'm excited. I've always wanted to go. Really cool. I'm excited about seeing it, too. And you should be, too. So get on out there.
Come and hang with us. You're going to get to meet some of the San Diego brewers out there, too. I'm just telling you, brace yourselves. My boys, my baseball team will be out there hanging out. That's cool. Maybe we'll get an autographed ball or something. I don't know. Oh, wow. Unless your kids can show their grandchildren. You guys should. That Dave Smith signed this ball. I'll have the guy that spots me in the gym come, and you guys can meet him, too. Yeah, you can meet him. Get a signature. My birthing coach, maybe. Your birthing coach. Get his autograph. Yeah. Sienna's birthing coach. Put it on eBay. We're not cool. Hey, bring balls and stuff, but we're not cool signing jerseys or anything like that. Yeah, we're not doing that, all right? We'll do pictures and stuff. Just back off. Just back off, all right? You're nuts. I am. So you know what I found out? What? I have gallstones, but it doesn't pose a threat because they're in my gallbladder. What is wrong? What's going on? Well, remember they did a test on me. They did an MRI. He's getting older. Yeah. What are gallstones? Do they go away? She said sometimes they could just stay there. They don't ever come out. And if they don't come out, it's no big deal. How do they come out? Don't you have to laser them? They only, if they, you know, pass into, they're only a problem if they go into your system, into your urinary tract, right? Do you one or two them out? I believe you want them out. You want them out. Gallstones or? Gallstones.
She said, don't worry about it. She said, it's common. She said, we see it all the time. Piece of cake. As long as they don't leave where they are right now, they're fine. They stay in your gallbladder. But you don't even feel it. No. No. The only time I'll feel it is if they decide that they want out of the gallbladder. Then I'll feel it real good. Check out the stones on that guy. Yeah. That's why I don't go to the doctor. You don't want to know. I'm going to have what they call endoscopy. That's where they stick a camera. Oh, yeah. Down your throat. Oh, wrong in. Wrong hole. Yeah, that's true. And are you awake? Yeah, but they're going to put me out. They're going to put me out because of some questions. That would creep me out. You'd feel it like in your throat. When is that? Next week or the week after or something. Are you nervous? That stuff doesn't really get me, you know? I don't like doctors. You know what makes me nervous? You know what makes me nervous, Woods? The needle that they have to give me. Yeah. That makes me nervous. Yeah. I don't like needles. I like needles. When will there ever come a day where you just walk in the doctor's office and you're like, all right, I'm here, and you just... Big thing of gas, and they do whatever they need to do to you, and then you wake up, and you're good to go. That's kind of now, isn't it? No. They have to get diagnostics from you. I know, but I don't... You can't do it if you're asleep. Just put me awake. Put me out. Put me out. Find a way to put me out and do whatever you need to do to me. How about you just... Like a car. You turn a car off before you fix it. Yeah. Turn me off. Maybe you just act like a man. Maybe not.
And they did say that I have the reflex thing. That's what that, my scratchy voice. Oh, yeah. So they put me on something called NXIVM. It's amazing. Is it? It is amazing. Is it purple? Yeah, purple. I've seen the commercial. One a day. What does it do for you? You'll be healed. Really? I had a small supply, and it was healing me, and then I ran out, and I'm back to Chomping Tums. Sucks. Maybe you give the kid a taste. Give the kid some of your NXIVM. Hey, Mike, it's Woods. I need a taste. My heartburn's going crazy. Let's see. Man, this is a good one. I got a good thing here. Jimmy Fallon, do you guys know that Motorola is coming out with a new product like the iPad? Gosh, cool. Did you know that? Yes, I read about it. What's it called? Not 100% sure, but let's listen to Jimmy Fallon talking about it. Hey, listen to this. Motorola is partnering with Verizon to create a tablet that is lighter and thinner than the iPad. They're calling it the iPhone. He's right. That is funny. It's basically what it is. You hear someone in the audience go, ooh. Maybe they come up with something their own. Maybe come up with your own ideas. Yeah. Maybe not rip off Apple. That's the problem is everyone just rips them off. Everything. That's why Apple is the best. They're innovators. You can't do, and then you can't do it the same. No. You know. 5701949M1Scruff, you there? Yeah. What's going on?
Hey, how's it going? Good. No, I just wanted to wish my wife good luck for her first day at home alone. We just brought our newborn baby boy home on Friday. There you go. Congratulations, bro. What did you name the baby? What? What did you name the baby? Keegan. Keegan Alexander. Beautiful. It's very cool, man. Very, very cool. Thank you. All right, we'll see you. Good luck. It's a good feeling. Let's see. I can't wait. Yeah? You can't wait. Sienna's right around the corner. That's a blow over here. I know it. Andrew's about to have a baby. Nine months here already. I know. I can't even believe it. Get out of here, Woods. That nonsense. 570-1949 is our number. Why do criminals not use smartphones, Sienna? Because smartphones, you can trace smartphones now. GPS on them, text message. You can go through the history of them. So the criminals are now using the old school phones if they're smart. I don't even think there are payphones anymore. This next one is catered exactly to Woods.
In Times Square, they have now opened a store devoted to Pop-Tarts. In, all the way in. Of course. So good. Woodsy loves Pop-Tarts. Lauren sent me this story this morning, and I was like, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, and I even talked about it in front of Woods, but I wouldn't tell him anything about it. Weird. This is so great. I want to fly to New York just to go to the Pop-Tart store. Write that down. I have an issue. Write that down. I have an issue with Pop-Tarts. Why? I don't. know what the bread part is. I don't know what that is. I don't necessarily eat all the crust, pal. I don't know what any of it is. Is it croissant? Is it pie crust? It's close to pie crust. It's pie-ish crust. Have you never had a pop jar? I have and it made me nervous. I'll make you a fresh one tomorrow. And then what's inside? Is that jelly? Is that jelly or what is that? I don't know what that is. Sugar heaven. It's not natural. There's delicious frosting on top. I'm so excited to tell you guys about the store. Go. Go ahead. I gotta know.
Okay, it opens tomorrow. It's a cafe. But they're only doing a little run-through. It goes until January just to see, you know, how it stands. Gauge interest. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because you've never heard of a Pop-Tart store before. It's right off Broadway and 6th Avenue, Times Square, prime location. They're going to be serving about 30 snacks and desserts. My mouth is watering. No, wow. Would you like to know about some of the snacks? It's all Pop-Tarts. No. It's not? There's more. It's so much more, Mike. Well, then why are they calling it Pop-Tarts? Because it's mainly Pop-Tarts. There's Pop-Tart sushi. Gross. That's disgusting. This place is going to be open in two days. It's not like it's fish. It's three kinds of Pop-Tarts minced up and then wrapped in a fruit roll up. In, all the way in. I know, I know. That sounds so hideous to me. Hillary just walked in and she's like disgusted by it. Hillary's like, who's going to eat that? I have more. Who cares? It's a treat. You treat yourself to the Pop-Tart store.
Every once in a while. Treat yourself. Yeah, just a little treat for you. Another thing on the menu. Fluffer butter. I'm already in. What is that? Marshmallow spread sandwiched between two Pop-Tarts, frosted fudge. Americans are filthy. Filthy, obese pigs. How can we make something really fat even fatter? It's deep frying. It's food porn. Yeah, it's food porn. It's exactly what it is. It's got fluffer in the title. How about sticky cinnamunchies? Sticky cinnamon munchies. Cinnamon rolls topped with cream cheese icing and chunks of Pop-Tarts. And dipped in butter. And deep fried. Yeah, deep fried. How about ants on a log? Celery, peanut butter, and chunks of- How about ants on a get? Celery, peanut butter, and chunks of wild grape Pop-Tarts. Celery, vegetables. Then they have build your own Pop-Tarts. Wow. You know my bit though? I'm such a plain Jane. I'd walk and be like, can I get the cherry that I eat? Yeah, me too. I wouldn't get anything different. That's fantastic. Woodsy's dad, M1 Hawk, is on the line. Hi, M1 Hawk. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. How's your first day on the new job? Well, doing a lot of admin stuff, as you might imagine. But I thought I'd let you know how far the show is reaching. There's a station here who's trying to do the incorporator. Are you serious? No way. And they were only doing it with one word, and the guy couldn't do it.
That's hysterical. Amateurs. The Incorporator makes his triumphant return to the Mikey show. And believe it or not, there was an article in the Dallas paper about the geezer bandit. Amazing. Just breaking all the rules over here. Worldwide news. That's right. Well, congrats, M1 Hawk. All righty. Thanks, guys. See you, Pop. Bye. We'll see you. Hillary is in the studio with us. Hillary, how was your weekend? It was good. Was it good? Went to the IB, the sandcastle. Oh, yeah. How'd it go? Well, we learned what we should do differently next year. It's crowded. Well, we went Saturday, like, around noon. Yeah. There were no sandcastles being built. Oh, no. All there was, there was one big one being worked on right by the pier, but the rest, they had, like, their sand squares. you know, roped off where the sandcastles were going to go, but no work being done. Nothing. Like, not a thing. We were like, really? We drove to Ivy for kettle corn. Oh, that's a bummer. Wow, that's something I would do, Hillary, by the way. So go on Sunday. What a bummer. That's what I learned. But good weekend. What do you got coming up?
I grabbed the New Hold Steady record. We listen to it a lot this weekend at our house. And The Strokes, Mumford & Sons, some Against Me, and Waves. Sometime before noon, the new Waves. There you go. Crazy, but great. I read a crazy article about him yesterday in the new spin. He's kind of a crazy guy. That's what I hear. Lovely and talented Hillary up next. We will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Mikey shows out.