The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/11/10

1:55Already? This is how we're going to go down? I didn't know that you felt this way. Why wouldn't I? Oh, no. I stick up for the underdog, dude. Really? I'm a man of the people. You know who the underdog is? Yeah. Poor people on the plane that had to listen to some Yahoo air waitress screaming at the top of his lawn. How about the people that had to listen to some little bee couldn't wait to follow the rules and get her bag out when you're supposed to? Yeah, two wrongs don't make a right. Doesn't matter. Guys, you snapped. We're clearly talking about the JetBlue employee, if you can't tell. Are we talking? Mikey thinks he's a jerk. We're arguing about it, apparently. Mikey thinks he's a jerk. I think he's a hero. Yeah, I hate how... Six o'clock in the morning, and this is how it starts. All right, let's roll this sucker out and then get right into it. You're screaming at the top of your lungs. You're screaming at the top of your lungs. I'm terrified right now. Phone number here, 570-1949. And if you want to text 949Mikey at gmail.com. Let's see. What can I tell you? I can introduce the show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's the handsome guy over there with the perfect haircut, or as he calls it, the PHC. It's getting pee, by the way, too. What do you mean? It's getting pee. It's getting there. It's getting perfect. It was in shock at first. It was in shock. It's kind of a little short. It was a little. Yeah, but it seems to be about the right length. It'll be on point for the meet and greet Friday. Perfect. Wow.

3:24Lauren O'Brien is the gorgeous blondie over to the right. She's also a television star, as you saw in the Jerome's furniture commercial that you can see on... That's an overstatement. MikeyShow.com. You know what's funny? Somebody wrote me and said, is that really Lauren or is that like you guys digitized? We don't have that much time on our hands. No, it's really her. It was her. Let's see. Sienna is the gorgeous auburn-haired pregnant lady sitting over to my left. Yes who I have been complimenting lately because she actually It really looks good. My wife said that yesterday. She does. She's got a glow. She looks so cute. Oh, my God. I love you guys. It's the truth. It's like when you're this far, you just feel disgusting. Like I want to come in with a bag over my head. You don't see what other people are seeing. Oh, well, thank you. You're radiating. It's your jugs. Oh, yeah, that's probably it. Probably has something to do with it, huh? That's what other people see. Thanks, Jay. Brutally honest.

4:27Jay is the brutally honest producer in the next room. And he is 47 years of age. And Kras is our phone screener. That's Kras. That's Kras. Chris is 21. You 21, Kras? Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. Why is L.O.P. drinking? I looked over there and I was like... It looks like ditch water. Yes. What are you talking about, you freaks? It's coffee. Oh, my gosh. It looks like it's from a pond. It looks like ditch water. It's coffee. You're just not used to seeing it in a glass. Yeah, she put coffee in a glass. Well, I had to bring my own. We don't have them here. Yeah. What I do when I drink coffee in the morning is I pour a nice little size into my palm and I just slurp, slurp. We don't have cups anymore in this building. I didn't bring my own cup. Our budget doesn't allow. Yeah, we're conserving money and so we don't have paper cups. We're trimming the fat. Trimming the fat. It's all right. You know what?

5:27Don't worry, we can get by. We had some guests in last Friday that wanted coffee, and we gave them all plastic spoons. I'm so thirsty right now, and I didn't have time to run across the building to find a cup. You just make your coffee a thimble full at a time. It's great. I won't drink after you. I love you, though. So let me give you the word of the day. What's it good for today, by the way, Jay? What do we got as a prize? We have another pair of Chargers. Nice. We're going to pack that place. Maybe give me a pair. Chargers Bears this weekend. Word of the day is lantern. Okay? When you hear the word lantern worked into a sentence, then you call 570-1949. Caller number 9 gets Chargers Bears tickets. Pretty cool. Don't forget our meet and greets Friday. And it will be downtown at the Tipsy Crow. And all the guys on the show will be wearing skinny jeans. I can't wait. Colored. If you don't know skinny jeans, yes, they are the jeans that are even tighter on the ankles. So you wonder how does someone get their foot through there? How do you? They're stretchy. You'll find out soon. Son of a... They're stretchy. You'll find out soon. They're stretchy. And we're going to hopefully get...

6:50colored skinny jeans for all three guys on the show. And they're going to walk in together, maybe do the can-can. Nobody has said anything about it. Maybe I sit behind a table. Just sit. Yeah. Yeah, that's not going to happen. You stand behind a big rock. I have a few of those lying around. I'll just bring some extras around. Yeah, bring a big rock in. Big boulder. How about you stand in front of a big magnifying glass? A freestanding magnifying glass. Oh, my gosh. He thinks he's hiding. This is not meant to be crass at all, and I'm not trying to be crass. It already is. It's not. I didn't even say anything. You're being inappropriate. So I woke up this morning, and I was getting dressed, and I just was lazy. I was like, I'll just go commando today. Thank you for letting us know that. Well, I put my shorts on, and I was like, can't go commando. Can see something. And so I had to put boxers. I'm telling you this because see how not tight these are? Yeah. Wait till you see how tight those skinny jeans are going to be. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just put on some boxer briefs or whatever. You said Under Armour. I'm not wearing spandex. Just do the tuck and roll. Dude, Under Armour is dude-like. Yeah, just tuck it away. Is it under jeans, is it? Or is it idiot-like?

8:11What, Under Armour? Yeah, under jeans. You're not going to see the Under Armour. Maybe we just wear a girdle. How about that? That's pretty cool. Yeah, I have some Spanx you guys can borrow. I don't want to do this, man. I don't want to do this. I don't either. It doesn't matter whether or not you want to, because you are. We've got to get them, dude. I'm tired of this. I know. I have to do all the bits. I know, I know. We go through the same conversation every day this week. Every day. I'm going to make them shave their head. I know it. Oh, yeah, okay. Something. It's not going to happen. Yeah, really. Do something. We would never fall for such a... Do something. We would never put such lofty promises out there. It sounds like a spelling bee or something. I'm keeping my mouth closed. I know. Well... I'm going to try and be the nice one. Well, you should. Maybe you guys will just leave me alone. Let's see. Oh, by the way, random act of kindness going on today. Very nice thing. So kind. What's going on today at Poway Scion? That's on Poway Road, 5 to 6 tonight. You stop by for a chance to win 94.9 Independence Jam Coastal Invasion tickets. So it's just a cool thing we do. We'll go out and give you free stuff, so it's pretty nice. Oh, oh, oh. So yesterday, if you were listening to the radio station at all, you may have heard the promo with Woods. Because...

9:34Woodsy was running mouth about Albert Hainsworth, football player for the Washington Redskins that wasn't getting to practice with the rest of the team because he couldn't pass the conditioning test that Coach Shanahan wanted him to pass. So Woods was running mouth about how it wasn't that hard, blah, blah, blah. So guess what? Sent him out with a recorder yesterday and made him do it. No way. And at 7.30 this morning, you're going to hear the audio of Woods. And Jay. and Jay trying the same conditioning test that Albert Hainsworth had to pass in order to be able to practice. So did you and Jay, like, compete? No, it wasn't a competition. It was, like, more of a friendly, like, let's see if we can do this together. Got it. That's funny. It wasn't Woods against Jay. It was Woods and Jay against Albert Hainsworth, basically. Yeah, okay. And, yeah, just tune in for that because you're not going to want to miss it. It's going to be fantastic. Guess what happened. Oh, no. What? No, no, no, no. Can't tell people what happened yet. So, it's a clown. The working man's hero, you mean? The working man's hero. Well, that's what... A guy who did something bad is being hailed as a hero. He did it in such a funny way. Oh, it's funny. I will give him that. He went out with pizzazz.

11:02For whatever reason, you didn't hear this story when we talked about it yesterday. You haven't seen it on the news. There was an employee that worked at JetBlue, a flight attendant. And as as they were landing the plane, a woman on the plane got up to get her bags before the plane had come to a complete stop. He was upset, obviously, because we all know the rules. You have to stay seated till the plane stops. So he goes over to her. She pulls down her bag, hits him in the head. He gets real mad. They have some words. And then he decides it's a good idea to get on the over. over speaker, the over, what's it called? Intercom. Intercom, yeah. Over speaker. I don't know. The overhead speaker. No, this is an over speaker. You know what I mean. So he gets on and he announces to the whole plane, you know, F you guys, especially you, you chick, you know the rules, and just goes off, then grabs a beer, knocks open the, two beers, knocks open the emergency door and goes down the slide. Genius. And is like, I'm out. Yeah. 28 years down the drain. Right. Guy had been there 28 years, man. The guy was tired of it. Right. Tired of getting pushed around. So then he went to the terminal, went home, and was later arrested at his house. Making love with his boyfriend. Yes. In the middle of some lovemaking. Now, I think it's funny. I mean, it is comical what the guy did. It's like movie comical, Mike. Of course. I mean, it doesn't escape anybody. It's comical what he did.

12:26My point is I don't want to laud this guy as a hero because I think that, first of all, the woman that was causing a fuss, we're used to seeing that. She's a knucklehead. So that doesn't make it okay. No, it doesn't. Just because we're used to it. No, it doesn't make it okay. She's a little beat. She's a knucklehead. Of course. No disagreement on that. I mean, we agree on that. But the one thing that has gotten me over the last, I don't know, 10 years, I've been thinking to myself, oh, I'm turning into an old curmudgeon, is that I go, What happened to customer service? And I mean in general. People went from being like the customer is always the boss to what do you want? That's become the norm. And so whenever I see an example of somebody not being professional, I go, oh boy, there it is again. Now, this guy is the single biggest example of somebody. I realize. that this has happened to you, and it's happened to you a lot, and blah, blah, blah. You know what? Rise above it. That's what your coworkers do. You're not the first dude that's been working 20-some years that somebody's mouthed off to, and then you popped. And, by the way, if I got my kid on that flight, I don't want my kid to have to hear, and F this, and F you, and F this, and then grab a couple of beers and go down the chute.

13:51You know, now, the fact that I'm an adult and I'm hearing about it, yeah, it is funny, whatever. But I had a good laugh about it yesterday. I just don't want to laud this dude as some kind of working class hero. What he is is a working class tantrum. He's a working class tantrum. And I don't like tantrums. In fact, when my two-year-old throws a tantrum, I tell him he shouldn't. And when this guy throws a tantrum, somebody should tell him he shouldn't. Well, he got... In trouble for it. Yeah. Yeah. He did. But he's also getting celebrated for it. I'm celebrating the guy. I'll celebrate him. The guy, 28 years, the guy's been busting his hump. Yeah. You don't stay somewhere 28 years with poor customer service. You just don't. You don't. I mean, 28 years, bro, in the same profession. That's longer than you've been on the mic. I get it. I mean, I get it. But listen, I've had my own share of stuff. I'm not going to nominate the guy for mayor or anything, but I'm saying, hey, man, I've seen some real... D's in airports and on planes. I think the guy was like, I'm done. I'm just, I'm done with that. If that's true, then why are you wearing a t-shirt that says jet blue guy for me? I don't think. Oh my gosh. There's going to be t-shirts that say that. I don't think you should have grabbed the mic and cursed all the other people in the plane. But I'll tell you, I don't have a problem with a guy speaking his mind to somebody that's not following the rules. You shouldn't either. You love rules. Our culture. You love rules. You love rules.

15:16Yeah, I do. But we don't have a disagreement that that lady was not a rule follower. I think he had every right to yell at her. You do? Absolutely, man. Absolutely. I don't know if he had every right to yell at her. She mainly yelled at him, and he freaked out and got on the intercom. I get it. We're supposed to turn the other cheek and all that bit, but, man, he's like, hey, lady, you can't stand up now. You can't. It's in the rules. It's written down. You can't stand up. And that's the right thing to do. She's like, screw you. I'm getting up anyway. Then she hits him with the thing. With her luggage. That would have been it for me, dude. That would have been it for me. Imagine if you're trying to calmly speak to a woman. Chokeslam. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. She pulls out her bag and it knocks you in the head. Oh, my God. I would be so mad. Hey, listen. Oh, yeah. I get that he snapped. I get it. You know, we've all had our moments. You know, and. You know who doesn't get yelled at? I mean. Do you know who doesn't get yelled at, Mike, on the plane? The person that doesn't do what they did. The person that follows the rules, Paul. Dude, I'm with you. I know. I'm totally with you. Yeah, and he's within his right to yell at her. But you can't say he was completely right to...

16:23Oh, I don't think he was in his right to every customer. I think that was wrong that he grabbed the mic, but I think he should have gotten her face and be like, you listen to me. Oh, I've seen them. Mike, I have seen them. In fact, I may have even flown JetBlue quite a few times into JFK. I may have been on this guy's plane before. I've seen them. They yell. Plenty, and I always am like, yes, sir, no, sir. The stewardesses and flight attendants, I mean, they do? If people don't, like, sit down and you need to, I mean, like you said, there are rules, and you can't take off unless people are sitting, closing things, all that. Do you remember what I told you when we were in the airport going to New Orleans? I told LLB, I'd go, hey, listen. The kids are not necessarily the world's best rule follower. I said in the airport. In here? In here? I'm a rule follower. Yeah. A hundred percent. I'm always like hands crossed. Cameras are everywhere. She was looking at me like, turn your phone off. Turn your phone off. Turn your phone off. I was like, okay, okay. He goes, okay, Mikey. Somebody was texting though on the flight. Who? You. No, I wasn't. He was playing poker. I was playing poker. I looked at your phone and you had your text open. Texts were coming through, but I was playing poker.

17:32texts were coming through. He follows the rules in the airport, but not necessarily on the plane. She was staring at me like, what are you doing? Anything that has an on and off switch, turn it off. He loves to go the other way. I know. He just loves to go the other way. Well, here's the deal. I always think to myself, what do I want to be the example for my kid? And I don't want that dude. Being an example for my kid. And the problem is, is that because everybody's going to celebrate Dodo head, kids in high school, kids in, they're like, that's what's cool. That's what's cool. Hey, maybe I can be a reality star. Next time something, no, they won't. Then that means they won't do that. They're not going to do that. Oh, kids won't do that. No, but look at their models now, man. The Kardashians making sex tapes. Right. I mean, dude, it's, it's this guy. The reason I like it, man, is because I've had those turd jobs where I got, you know, just really crapped on. And it feels good to be like, you know what? F you and F you and I'm out. You're cool. It feels good. It does feel good. Sure does. Later, I don't need you. In fact, I'm doing it right now. No, you're not. It's wrong.

18:45You don't do it. Well, Steven Slater, that's the JetBlue guy. He's been like the most searched on Yahoo, on Twitter, everywhere. He's trending. People are going nuts to find out everything about this guy. And just so you know, he was just released from jail. His bail was posted $2,500. We'll be hearing a lot more about this guy. We sure will. I just want to know what the M1s think. I really do. Yeah, sure. 570-1949. Jeez. My guess is people. Love it. You know, I mean, that's been the overall consensus. I fall in the point zero zero zero zero zero one percent of people that think that it was kind of a bad reaction. I know. I know. I mean, if you think about it, somebody's got a case of the Mondays. If you think about it from your point of view, of course, like there is things that he did wrong, obviously. But I think people are just like, man, that would be awesome to be able to do that. And just he went out with a bang. And not many people have access to a. Emergency shoot, slides, beer system, and a plane. Imagine if we had a shoot, like a thing here. I pull the lever and I just shoot down to the bottom floor. You know what, man? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you. I'm out. Bam. It is funny. I'll give him that.

19:55It's funny. It's entertaining. It is entertaining. If Woods had access to that, he would have been gone on that thing like six times already. A hundred times. Just the eject button. Our new studio has a little hatch. It does. We haven't gone into it yet, and Woods was like, I'm going to go in that hatch. I'm going in that hatch so many times, it'll make your head spin. Here I am now. I'm 40 years old. When I was 20 years old, so even 20 years ago, This kind of a story, you wouldn't see this kind of story. The reason that you wouldn't see it is because... Oh, please. What about the movie Falling Down? That wasn't a documentary. I know. That was actually a motion picture where it didn't really happen. And so what I'm saying is 20 years ago, you didn't see stuff like this. If people shot up the workplace, isn't it better to just grab beers and go down and shoot? Yeah, but I think that overwhelmingly people thought shooting up the workplace was bad. I mean, overwhelmingly right now, people think that this is cool. And that's what I'm saying. 20 years ago, this wouldn't happen. And our culture is tending to go more and more towards Kanye standing up and going blah, blah, blah.

21:01Our culture is turning more into a guy that's supposed to be professional going, F you, F you, F you, and flipping off everybody as he slides down the plane. And everybody's like, yay. And I'm like, really? This is our culture? This is what we're doing? It is, unfortunately. I know it. I know it. All I can do is be me. Kanye caught heat. Nobody likes Kanye. Yeah, some people. You're right. Kanye caught heat. Kanye caught heat. Yeah. He's an idiot. He is an idiot. So, gosh, we're late and I want to play this so bad. You have to. Oh, we got such good stuff. Just do it. Break the rules, man. Well, I just don't want to get behind. Just flout authority, dude. Let's see. Where is it, Jay? Where is my lady in Alabama? It is on page, I'm looking as I talk, page three. Page three. Okay, so... This is the lady we mentioned yesterday? Yeah. Speaking of going out with a bang, this woman was on the radio, and I remembered hearing this clip a while ago, and it was nuts. This woman decides, live on the air, she's going to quit her job. On the airwaves. Where was she?

22:19In Alabama. Mobile. Mobile, Alabama. Oh, I wonder if Hoyle was her station manager. I know of her, but I didn't hire her. She didn't work at my radio station. She worked at an African-American station. And what I mean by that is they played music that mostly catered to the African-American population in town. Like what? It was what we call urban. Oh, okay. Hardcores. Well, yeah, I couldn't listen to it. Mama wouldn't let me. They had real hardcore people working on there on the radio station and playing real hardcore records. Like they played... Fat Boys. Yeah, Fat Boys. Heavy D and the Boys. Yep, Boys to Men. Boys to Men. A lot of boys. Yeah, they played Bobby Brown. Ooh, Bobby Brown. Tony, Tony, Tony. All the bad boys. So, yeah, Woman Quits live on the air. Genius. And when we come back, you're going to hear it. So great. It's pretty outrageous, pretty crazy. You're going to hear it next on How About All the Hundreds and Hundreds and Hundreds of Sharks in La Jolla. Oh, you haven't heard? We'll tell you all about it. 7.30, we will play the audio of Woods and Jay attempting Albert Hainsworth workout. He had to pass a conditioning test in order to be able to practice with the rest of the Redskins.

24:15Or as Lauren calls them as a Philly fan, the Deadskins. And so we will play audio of Woods and Jay trying the very same test that he could not pass. And see if they could. In a moment, I'm going to give you the word of the day that could win you Chargers Bears tickets. So we're talking about the JetBlue guy. And the JetBlue guy gets upset at a passenger, flips out, grabs a couple of brewskis. Pops the inflatable escape latch and bails out of the JetBlue airplane. Down the slide. Down the slide. The country stands up in a loving ovation and begins to give him a standing O.

25:06Talk about what a hero he is. I understand the queen is going to knight him later today. Sir Elton John will be on hand. We have been in jail. Yeah, he's been in jail. He's served his time. Yeah, well, he has to deal with court now, and it's a whole ordeal. Right. Pretty soon, seamstresses will get together to stitch the big S on his chest. Anyway, there was a woman in Alabama that worked in radio. She worked for a hip-hop station. She was really tired of the treatment and the lack of appreciation, the lack of a raise, and decided she was going to quit live on the air. By the way, by the way, I just have to point out, She obviously knows that she's about to quit. This is a premeditated quit. It is not a spontaneous quit. I just think that it's fantastic that she remembers to tease the morning show. Yeah, exactly. I feel like it's pretty spontaneous. Oh, no. She said, what better song? What better song? No, I honestly feel like while she was off the air, someone came in, gave her a hard time, and she was like, I'm done. Here we go. Next break. Could be. Yeah. Could be. But that's still.

26:36premeditation. Like, you know you're doing it the next break. Really? What I think is fantastic about it is, hey, I'm not going to forget my mechanics. Let me do my promo here. Let me make sure I got this. Call letters. Call letters. She wants to surprise them. Hit the post. Yeah, we got the background music going. The whole deal. Production is ready. That's right. I was thinking the same thing. And I told you I had a very important announcement and here it is. Oh, see? You got a very important announcement. I refuse. i refuse to walk around and watch people on my job looking over my shoulder people lying to me people talking about music it's ridiculous here we go next song i can't take it i'm not gonna take it just mixed into another she's good you have to take it i'm not a dummy i know how to find another job But I refuse to walk around people. You can say what you want to say about me. And if you see me on the street, I'll let you know whatever you want to know. But I refuse. For the last six years, I made $6 an hour. That ain't nothing. I just got a raise after six years. I know I'm qualified. And after saying this, I don't care if I ever get another job in radio, period. Well, you won't have to worry about that. Yeah, no problem there.

27:58She just referred to herself in the first place. Listen very carefully. I quit this. How did she get so much time? Wow. It's her own show. But I mean, like, wasn't anyone listening in the hallways like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, not like a manager that's going to come running in. No. And you have to think of delays, too. There's always a delay. Yeah. Eight seconds. Plenty of time. That's right. She was ranting on for more than eight seconds. Oh, who cares? It was great. If it happened at the station I worked at, I'd have been in there in a second. I'm sure, Hoyle. I wouldn't have let that go on. You don't tolerate that kind of tomfoolery, do you? No, I never have, never will. You know, Booger and Twitch tried that out with me. They tried to test me. What happened to them? I ate their liver with some fava beans. Oh, creak. Yum. Annetta. Annetta is out.

29:16Do you think she refuses? She refuses. I refuse. I refuse. I quit this bee. That's fantastic. So amazing. That'd be so fun. I quit this bee. Maybe we should get that drop. No, I'll tell you. Again, not down with her quitting this way, but you know. Pretty funny. Certainly funny. Comical. The word of the day, by the way, is lantern. When you hear that worked into a sentence, caller number nine. At 5701949 is going to win. Tickets to go see the Chargers take on the Bears. Meet and greet Friday. That's going to be awesome. We will be out downtown hanging out at the Tipsy Crow. Yeah. And we have to, the guys have to wear skinny jeans while we're there. I'm a 3434, by the way. I'm a 38. 12. Just FYI. There are reports that right now in La Jolla. Great. You guys are so dramatic. Yeah. Are we? Yes. There are leopard sharks. Yeah. With the music, really. Leopard sharks? Leopard sharks eat like minnows. Do they? I've touched leopard sharks on accident. They don't hurt you. By minnows, do you mean Mikey's? Right.

30:46Yes, there are, in fact, hundreds of leopard sharks in La Jolla right now. Oh, my gosh. I found a video of some footage from a helicopter yesterday looking down at people on kayaks, people swimming, and just hundreds of sharks you can see completely surrounding the people. But people are looking. They want to see the sharks. It's cool. Maybe we go this weekend. Maybe we do. Define we. Maybe Woods and Mike. Yep. Dress up in leopard bathing suits. Well, L.O.B. tells me that L.O.B. says that they don't bite us. They don't. Is that true? They might nibble on your toes. No, no, no, no. I have it right here. It says these sharks, which are slim and have small mouths, are used to suck up invertebrate. on the ocean floor and are harmless. Although they have small teeth, they swallow their food whole without chewing. Great. They feed on animals that live in mud and sand, including worms and crabs. Yeah, come on. Mike, you're bigger than a worm and a crab. They like Mexican food. I'm done. They're awesome. Come on, we should go snorkeling at the cove. Forget it. But if you want to see this video footage. It's terrifying. If you watch my mermaid video, those are leopard sharks. They're fake. You made them on.

31:57cardboard. That's right. Those are still leopard sharks. Those are harmless. Those are harmless. It is scary, though, to see this video. I put it up on my blog at MikeyShow.com. You see, I mean, hundreds in the water, and it's terrifying. They're right on the shore. I wonder if big sharks eat those sharks. Yeah. Okay, well then, guess what? That's like a freaking bait shop for them. That's like a buffet. It's like three feet of water, if that. You go in the cage, cage goes in the water. Sharks in the water. You know what it is when there's that many of them? You can be sitting on the sand and just looking out at the water, and as you see the waves about to crash, you can see them swimming in the waves. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's really cool to see. So much for surfing. Woods, they're not going to hurt you. Leopard sharks. They're scared of you. You do it. I wouldn't do it. I'll do it in a second. I've done it. I'd like to see it. You've done it? Yes. You've gone in there with them? Everyone has. I'd like to see it. You have too, probably, Mike. You just don't know it. We don't see them around us? I want you to see the video, Mike. You're going to scream. I want to see her grab her board. You can't go with a board in three feet of water in the cove. You'll go swimming in there with them? Yes. I'll go swimming with just a bathing suit and a snorkel mouth. Would you go in a kayak? No. Why? You can see them. Because I don't want to see them. See them in an aquarium. I will think that you are a super woman. Yeah, Wonder Woman. Yeah, I would. I think it's...

33:19Tremendously brave. It's like the same thing as swimming around with maybe trout. Yeah, if the trout are shaped like razor blades. Yeah, and have fins that come out of the water. Talk to me, Sienna, about the expansion of the San Diego airport, which I'm sure won't cause any kind of disturbance or rays or anything. Well, our Limburg field, our airport, is the busiest single runway airport in the U.S. So they need to do something to try to help that. Because, I mean... How long do you sit on the runway? I haven't really thought about that. Yeah, we only have one runway. Yeah, and it's the second busiest in the world next to one in London. One runway? No, Gatwick Airport. When you think about it, most airports, big airports, they got a few runways. Yeah, for sure. We only have one. No, we only had one. Nor did I. I just had to show with all the sharks. Holy smokes, dude. Let me see. Holy smokes. Holy smokes. Oh, my God. All those little things. Holy. Oh, no, Sienna. That's not hundreds. That's like a thousand. That's thousands of sharks. See the people swimming in there just fine. Yeah. Make them go away, Sienna. Call your mom. Yeah, call your mom. Mom! Go kill those sharks. They're harmless. Todd wants to go surfing. My mom gets out there. Question. When you go in there.

34:42Well, let's ask Chelsea. We got M1 Chelsea on the line from Scripps Ranch. Are you there, Chelsea? Yeah, I'm here. So what's the deal? Well, I go surfing with these sharks all the time when I was a little kid, and I remember being like seven years old. And my mom would take us to the beach, and we'd look out, and we'd see the sharks in the waves. And my mom would say, all right, cool, have a good time, kids. Wow. And that was it. I mean, they're not dangerous. We'd go snorkeling with them. I mean, I'm a lot smaller at age seven than I think Mikey is right now. That is true. That's true. Not much smaller. Not much. I mean, like an inch maybe. And I ate Mexican food then and I was fine too. Let me ask you though. I'm going to ask you, Chelsea. When you're in the water, do the sharks move away from you as you walk? Or do you occasionally bump them? No, they're kind of freaked out by you actually. That'd be all right. Like if they got freaked out by me and they went away.

35:39cool, but I don't want to touch you. I've bumped them a million times and it scares you, but they're not going to do anything. They don't bite you. They're scared of you. Have you ever been snorkeling? Yeah, I have. Same thing. In your pool, you've been snorkeling. I've been snorkeling. No, I've been snorkeling in Hawaii and I've been snorkeling in the Bahamas. Same thing. Well, yeah, it's just that when I went snorkeling, there weren't thousands of leopard sharks. Well, normally they come a lot earlier. They're coming out when the water's warm. It's nice and warm. It sounds like a nice little Saturday. Maybe we wait until they leave. Maybe I surf in January. It's not a... Why are they here now? When the water's warm. I really... I'm just going to say it. I want you guys to put on leopard bathing suits. You're kidding me. And I want to get a video camera. And I want you guys to just get out there and just see. Just see what it's like. I love this show, but I'm not doing that. But a leopard bathing suit? No. It's a leopard shirt. A leopard... Bathing suit. Disgusting. They exist. They wouldn't wear a leopard bathing suit, period. Well, I just want them to look like a leopard next to the leopard sharks. No way. I'm going to do it. You are? You're going to do the whole thing? I'll get you a leopard bathing suit. Well, how are we going to get me a leopard bathing suit? I'll do it. Wait, as like a Speedo? No! They have leopard bathing suits for guys. Where? I saw a guy wearing a pink leopard bathing suit yesterday. If you get me... Okay, what if we do this? Maybe...

37:04Jay can figure out how to make a wetsuit look like a leopard. Oh my gosh. That would be rad. And I'll go swim with him. Have fun. Just get you a jumpsuit and put you in it. What do you need a wetsuit for? How are you going to get a leopard wetsuit? We'll get a wetsuit and we'll paint leopard spots on it. Oh yeah. Easy. I'll be on the beach with a cold one watching you. Great. Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. Woods. I'll do it. You're really that scared? You're not going to surf anymore? Because they're there. Probably not. But L.O.B. says they will not hurt you. No, and they're not going to be where you surf anyway. You mean my pool. They do. I just Googled. There are leopard board shorts. I'll do it. There's just jellyfish where you surf. It's worse. M1 Dustin from Point Loma. Hey, guys. You can't do it in La Jolla, but you've got to go over to Catalina and stuff, and when they school up like that, you just jump and grab one of the tails, and they kick away.

38:05Yeah, I'm frightened, Dustin. I'm not as much of a man as you, and I'm not afraid to say it. I am not. We don't mess with him. I mean, ask Steve Irwin how well that works for him, grabbing stuff and down there playing with stuff he shouldn't be playing with. Maybe I play PS3. Yeah, maybe I sit at home with a big fat dip of snuffin and play a full season of MLB baseball. Yeah, maybe I make a TV dinner. Absolutely. And park it on the couch. Maybe I write poetry. Yeah. You guys are being wimps right now. For sure. I'll get out there. Okay. I'll believe it when I see it. Maybe my wife makes meatloaf and I just have it for dinner. Talk to my family. Ooh, that sounds good. Jamie, make that right. M1 Sarah from Point Loma. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. You've done what before? I've gone snorkeling there before, and, you know, we've actually grabbed them because they're little babies. Of course you have. And they just don't really do anything. They just kind of, like, squiggle and worm out of your hand, and they don't really bite you. You just let them be. They have little leopard spots. I love all the people coming in saying they're grabbing them. I know it. Why are we grabbing wild animals? Yes, that is true. I've also actually worked at the Chula Vista Nature Center, and they have the babies there.

39:26little petting zoo where you can go in and actually pet them. So it's like I've worked with them before, too. I just don't understand why we don't avoid them. We don't have to avoid them. I just wouldn't go grabbing. They're in the waves. You're not going to go in the ocean? Nope. People want to go in the ocean. It's not that long. You don't have to wait that long. Maybe I take up skateboarding. You know what I mean? It's not that long. They're like zonies. They come into town for a couple of weeks. All day long. That's true. Can't deny it. We'll get to the airport thing and tell you the full deal in just a second. Woods on Sports brought to us by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. I'm all freaked out. The Padres, big win last night over the Pirates. So they made a couple moves we talked about last week. They got Ryan Ludwig. Yeah. Hadn't really done much until last night. Is that the Cardinal guy? Yeah, from the Cardinals. Came in last night, hit two bombs. Oh, wow. Yeah, he was excited to kind of get off the schneid and get on the board. Here's Cut1 talking about his first RBI. I think that's my first RBI. It was? Yeah. Okay, so, you know, I'll take it.

40:38I like how he acts surprised, though. He's a man of few words, Mr. Ryan Ludwig. But they did have a big win over the Pirates last night. And that's what you got to do, man. Independent race, you got to beat the teams you're expected to beat. And they did that last night. So congratulations. The PGA Championship is going to start this week. It is at Whistling Straits in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. There's really a Sheboygan, Wisconsin? Absolutely, there is. Sheboygan. You thought it was a made-up place, but it's not. It's a great word. Every time I heard it, I thought something was being funny. So, obviously, what's everybody looking at this week? Tiger Woods. We're going to see how he rebounds from the worst outing of his career. He's going to be on display. He thinks he can salvage his year with a win, though. Here he is, cut two. No matter how bad your year is or how good your year was, you have to get a major in there for it to be a great year. You know, there were certainly years that I've won a bunch of tournaments, but I didn't win a major championship. Yeah, it was a good year, yes, but I just don't think it was a great year. Is this a major? Yeah. Yeah, BGA is a major. He hasn't won a major in this year. No, he has not. He hasn't really done well at all this year since he's been back from his little off-the-course activities. But, you know, he actually went and got opinions of a couple of guys that are swing coaches, and they kind of went around, they played around with him.

41:56They looked at him. They videotaped his swing. So, I mean, he's kind of reaching out saying, all right, I guess I can't do this by myself right now. That's good. Yeah, so we'll see how he does. Also, we didn't even talk about the fact that Shaquille O'Neal has a new basketball. He's playing on a new team. I know he was looking over in Europe. You know, a guy wanted to get paid and wants to play for a winner. So guess where he's going to be playing? Where? Boston. He is a Boston Celtic, which for me. Seems a little weird, man. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Shaq. I love it. I love it, I love it. He's super excited, and you can tell by his voice. Cut three. Very honored to be here. Obviously, the franchise has rich tradition of winning. Now, what people don't have the benefit of seeing is that he's actually talking in his sleep. He's laying down on a couch, and his eyes are closed as he's giving this speech. Just wanted to be with a great team. continue to win. He's petting a cat while he does. He's got a Cheshire cat on his lap. And a Cheshire cat. Mikey just put his head down like, wah, wah, wah. So we saw, and I told you a little bit, Mikey and I talked a little bit about this morning, and we all kind of agreed in the studio, we love baseball fights.

43:15Baseball fights are the best. Did I agree with that? I don't think you were here. LLB and I did. And Jesse. And Jesse. We love baseball fights. It's a whole lot of run and mouth, but it's just a lot of testosterone, a lot of pushing and shoving. A lot of men all in a group. Wow. I wish we could isolate that. So, yes, there's been this controversy brewing in Cincinnati and St. Louis. They're neck and neck for the lead in the NL Central. It's a really good race. Brandon Phillips. Plays second base for the Reds. Comes out. He goes, I hate the St. Louis Cardinals. He goes, let me tell you again. I hate the St. Louis Cardinals. They're whiners. They're criers. So he gets up to the plate last night. First at bat. Taps the catcher with his bat on a knee, which is something you do. It's kind of like, hey, what's up, man? Let's get this game going. Game hadn't even started. Catcher gets up. They get in each other's face. It was a full-scale brawl. There was a guy pinned against the backstop. Kicking. Kicking. Oh, wow. It was awesome. I come out here. And Ruff talked him and run him off. That's exactly what happened. So, you know, they finally broke it up. They threw a few guys out. But here's Cardinals manager, Tony La Russa, on what happened. Cut four. What did the catcher do? The guy who talked about us like we're, you know, terrible, he comes over there and tries to be a little technique. I said, hey, don't touch me. He said, let's just play. And he started spouting off.

44:38Dude, we are all grown-up little kids. Yeah, we are. We are all grown-up little kids. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I'm not touching you. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Bench is clear. Bench is clear. Bullpens. I don't think the bullpens ran in, but the benches were. I mean, no pitches had been thrown in the game yet. It was awesome. I do, for the record, do not think that it's awesome. I do. I don't like fighting. Come on. You would like the Korean baseball bra then. See, I like to watch a lot of this stuff. I just don't like it. I like it. You like it if you watch it. Well, it's like an accident. We all look, but I don't like it. It's like one of the only exciting things I can watch on TV when baseball's on. Really? Yeah. True. Really? I love baseball live, but when it's on TV, I'm like, I get it. I get it. Kind of with you on that. Get, get, and get. How about that? That's what's on sports. Yeah! Let's see here.

45:38Sienna, what's the deal? Are we expanding that airport? Yes, we are. Since we do have the busiest single runway airport in the United States and second busiest in the world, the airport here in San Diego is now expanding Terminal 2 by adding 10 new gates. And there's going to be some other improvements in the expansion, including a two-level arrival and drop-off drive-through area. And the new gate's going to allow the airport to bring in more planes every day. And they're saying they're creating a parking lot for the airplanes to remain overnight because right now they have to cross the runway to go to like a separate plane area, which, you know, makes people who are trying to take off and land have to wait for these planes to get across. So it'll be better one day. Why is there a controversy over William Shatner's new show? Another example of culture going, in my opinion. You know who Sheriff Joe Arpaio is? Woodsy hates him. I love him. And we'll talk about it coming up. He was here in town. Mikey Show is myself, Woodsy, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, Jay, our producer, and our phone screener, Cross. The panel is where Woodsy, L-O-B, and I talk about the stories of the day.

47:21And we only get 20 seconds to discuss. It's kind of like the show Pardon the Interruption. Around the horn. Either way. Every time. It's like Laverne and Shirley. Every time. So here's the big stories. Sheriff Joe Arpaio. He's well known for Tent City. So is Woodsy. Almost. I almost got his nasty claws in me. Yeah. Well, what the deal is with Joe Arpaio is he's a sheriff in Phoenix. What? Get. I'm thirsty. Unwrapping a gift? Yep. Easy. Pros. He went into Phoenix. He said, I'm going to run for sheriff. And when I become sheriff, I'm going to clean this town up. Right. He built a city made of tents in Arizona. Yep.

48:21where he puts people that go to jail. I forget, does it get hot in Arizona? Yeah. 150 degrees in the summer sometimes. 135. I just read. They said 135. Oh my gosh. I just read it can get up to 150. That could kill someone. Yeah. Easy. That's right. Very inhumane. It's like three times the temperature here. Yeah, exactly. You know who doesn't? Experience 150 degrees. People that make no mistakes. That's inhumane, Michael. People that make no mistakes. I don't believe it's 150. I just read it. Really? On day.com? Did they say that? On day.com? It says where temperatures can seat 135 degrees. Can reach as high as 150 degrees in the summer. With the heat index. That just happened right there. Where? What website? Online.com. Womanistmusings.com. Is that for real? For real. Womanistmusings.com? Yeah. Why are you on that site? That's one of my favorite sites. Of course it is. You didn't know that? And of course, listen. It's a bookmark. It just happened. Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw, well-known newsman, used to get his information from womanistmusings.com. LLB turned me on to it, dude. I love it now. He's joking, Lauren. Would he look at his computer like?

49:38No, I'm serious. Like, please say CNN. Please say CNN. Yeah, I did. I was like, come on. Womanist-musics.com. I haven't even been to that site. Where all the hard news comes from. Oh, wow. There it is. Yeah. Well, anyway, a picture of breasts on the... Really? What? I'm serious. No, I'm sure it is. Yeah. Womanismusings.com. Yeah. That's where all the hard news comes from. What does that even mean? Womanist to musings. Just musings by a womanist. What's a womanist? I'm a womanist. So anyway, he cleaned up crime in Phoenix. It's crime-free. The crime rate has dropped significantly. Yeah. So Sheriff Joe was just here in San Diego yesterday. He was actually at the country club of Rancho Bernardo, where he was invited to talk about how he fights illegal immigration. And there were a lot of protesters there, a lot of people who like Sheriff Joe. And it just created some controversy that he was here. You know, do we agree with what he says? Woods, how do you feel about Joe?

50:42Dude, come on. I mean, he abuses his power. He's inhumane. He's killed prisoners with his inhumane treatment. The guy is a dirt bag. Is he up on murder charges? No. They haven't caught him? I can show you articles with his. They tasered a guy like 30 times for nothing. For nothing. The guy died. Most people get tasered for nothing. He's a dirt bag. That's my opinion of the guy. Guy's an a-hole. I was never... in the clutches of such Sheriff Joe, like Woods has been. I don't know a ton of what he's done. I thought he was famous for the pink jumpsuits, which I was on board with. Pink underwear, too. I have no problem with that. Chain gang. He did the chain gang, too. I have no problem with some of those extreme things, as long as they're not inhumane. You guys know how I roll? I always am like, hey, if I get pulled over and I did something wrong, I probably did something wrong. And I say, you know, if you don't do anything wrong, you don't have anything to worry about. And Joe Arpaio's cleaned up crime. I wish that we had a sheriff that was similar. Me and Woodsy almost see perfectly eye to eye. You're so lucky that you never got caught for all the bad stuff that you did. That is true. You're so lucky. No, dude. You're lucky. But Woodsy. You're lucky. But wait a minute. The difference is. You got lucky. You're right.

52:11So I'm agreeing with you. You're right. The difference, though, fundamentally between the two of us is if I had got caught, I would go, I deserve it. No, no, no. Come on. No, no, no. I would never go, I can't wait to get there. I would go, I deserve this. Wow. You go. I can't believe that I'm getting such inhumane treatment. I should be allowed to break the law as I would. No! I'm saying you stick me in a jail cell, fine. Don't put me out in the middle of the desert with two green bologna sandwiches for lunch. I don't think they're green. I don't think they're green. I just read. They turn green in women's music. No, no, no. That was a different one. They turn green in the heat. Was it manliest musings? It was not musings. Manest. Manest musings. You know who the guy would have been real good? Back at Auschwitz, dude. That's where that guy belongs. He's a dirt bag. That was pretty extreme. Maybe he still heard you and then he's still here. Great. I hope he is. I'd like to kick him in his nuts. You just hurt Joe Arpaio's feelings. I'm good. I'm glad I did. Bill Shatner. He's a piece of S. Chokeslam him real good.

53:14Bill Shatner has a new show that's causing a lot of controversy. Yeah, no, I don't know. I've never heard of this show until I saw this article, but he's the main character on a new CBS sitcom, and it's called Bleep My Dad Says. However, it's not bleep. It's a bad word, but they don't put the bad word. It's like the little asterisk, you know? The S word, right? I'm assuming. Yeah, it is because there's a website like that. Oh, okay. Well, then it's the S word my dad says. And obviously, you know, there's parents that are upset. Why would you have, you know, even the fact that the bad word isn't spelled out. It's just the fact that there's a bad word in the title of your show. Like, why is that necessary? Right. Woodsy, where do you fall on this one? I think, why can't you say stuff? Why can't you say stupid stuff my dad says? Or, you know, crap my dad says. Yeah. It's just. People probably still wouldn't like crap. Really? Yeah, they probably still have a problem with it. Junk My Dad Says. There's a million different ways to do it. But you know what it's doing? It's causing buzz about his show. Now we know. Now we're like, ooh. Because I'll tell you, if you've never seen that website, it's frigging hysterical. It's hysterical. BlankMyDadSays.com Lauren O'Brien. Check that out.

54:23How are the TV announcers going to say, and up next at 7.30, blank, my dad says. Well, they say bleep. I think it's just going to be bleep, yeah. Bleep, my dad says. Well, why not call it bleep, I guess, or call it stuff? I don't know. Like, I agree with Woods. It's just creating a buzz. And now you have to, the parent has to explain what that stuff means. That's stupid. Yeah, I don't need a timer. Because I'm all, exactly what you guys said. I agree with you guys. I'll mention culture. I can't believe that show. Well, we're not going to get any publicity. Obama. Unless we do this. What do you think about this? 5701949, by the way, you want to weigh in on that. 949mikey at gmail.com. Hey gang, got a question for all the animal lovers that you have on your show. Are families going to be getting a new lab? And I said I want to make him an outside dog. I grew up in a rural area in Texas, and there was no such thing as an inside dog. But my wife is getting really upset, thinks it's cruel. I don't think it's cruel. In fact, I think it's the opposite of cruel. The dog will love it. First of all, animals are meant to be in the wild. Second of all, it's San Diego. It's not like he's going to freeze to death. I even told her that I will build him a doghouse.

55:52And she still says it's mean. What do you think? Is it mean or practical? Who wants to house train a dog and have hair everywhere? Thanks, M1 Firestar. Well, if you think about it, there's different kinds of dogs. I mean, I think that you have your inside dogs. In fact, Woodsy's dogs are inside dogs. They're little. Absolutely. They're the cutest little babies. And I think that they are inside dogs. He also has a lab, though. Shooter's a lab. I think it could go either way. Woodsy likes Shooter inside, and if you like your dog inside and you roll that way, absolutely. If it were up to me. In fact, when I grew up, we had a lab, and it was an outside dog. So I think it has to do with a dog. We had a dachshund growing up, and I have one now. And growing up, my dog slept outside every night in the doghouse. Every night. And not a problem. Not a problem at all. But I would never even think about it now with my dachshund. Yeah, Woodsy.

56:52Has very strong opinions about this. Very strong opinions. I'm so surprised by that. Weird. Woodsy, are you against any dog being an outside dog? In San Diego. It depends. I don't care where you live. I don't care where you live. It doesn't matter to me. It's immaterial. What's material is if you want a dog, get a dog. But there are times for a dog to be outside and there are times not to. What if you and your wife go to dinner and I know it's not... Typical here, but what if there's a giant rainstorm? There's your dog standing outside in the rain. It's awful, man. It's scary. If there's a doghouse, there's a doghouse. Yeah, it's still, man. It's still... Yeah, what if there's a doghouse? It seems to me a little... With a rain gutter on it. And an inside toilet and a jacuzzi. Really? No, I've never been a big fan of... I mean, dogs need attention. They need love. They need all of that stuff. And, you know, unless you plan on spending most of your life outside... then I think you should have your dog inside. But what if you're running or what if when you have the dog outside, what you do with the dog is you run with them, you play fetch, you take them to the lake, you do all these outside activities, which is a lot better for the dog than just sitting on a couch all day long. No, I mean, I can definitely see your point. I just, in my opinion, humble as it is, I don't think a dog should be an out. I don't think you should even have that category of outside dog. But dogs are animals. Yeah, so are fish.

58:18They should be outside. I don't have a fish. Fish don't sleep in our beds with us. Like dogs do. I don't really get why you would want an outside dog necessarily. Because if you have an outside dog. Protection. I kind of think of it like gym equipment. When you first get an outside dog, you're probably really going to want to be around it. And then after a while, you never pay attention to it anymore. Well, I don't think an outside dog is probably never allowed in the house. I think it's just mostly. They're not. I think what this guy's saying, though, is like, hey, listen, I don't. He just said, I don't want hair in the house and I don't want to potty train him. So he's not going to let a dog that's not potty trained in his house and he doesn't want the hair around. And listen, shooter comes in. Big black hairs everywhere, and I'm like. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm assuming that this guy has a yard or something. Yeah, because he's going to build him a house, he said. Yeah, so he probably, the dog might be like a pig in filth, like just running around the yard all day, you know, loving life. That's a tough argument, though, because.

59:25I mean, I could see my husband saying, Zipper needs to go outside, and I would be like, excuse me, you know? But Zipper would get, like, eaten by a coyote if you were outside. My wife would put me outside before she'd put the dogs outside. Really? Yeah, 100%. Because you guys even, you know, your lab is an inside dog. Yeah, our lab, we don't let our lab sleep on the bed all the time, but sometimes we do. We're like, all right, come on up. I mean, we're big softies when it comes to our dogs. 570-1949. If you want to weigh in on this, Woodsy, your dog, Senior Beans, is on the line. Oh, good. He loves to call in. Hi, buddy. I just want to say thank you for sticking up for me. You're welcome. I'll stick up for you until the day I die. You know that. And thank you for sticking up for Tudor. Yep. And thank you for sticking up for all the little dogs all over the world. That's right. We don't have rights. We don't have a voice. That's right. And finally, we have a voice because my papi wants to stick up for all of us. Thank you. Would you rather be outside or be in jail? I don't want to be in jail. And I would rather be in jail, like papi has me, caged like an animal, than be outside. That's right. I would rather be caged.

1:00:42Like an animal. Senor Beans, is that true? The dogs have spoken. Outside, you can chase butterflies. I would rather be enslaved in a tiny little two-by-two. Little gaged animal. Do you get, are you chained? Like Poppy has me. Like Mama has you. Are your little paws shackled together? No. No, they're not. You know damn well they're not. Yes, Auntie Lauren. No, they're not. Did he put me in little dogging hunker? Never. Do you get tasered like, is Woods like Sheriff Joe at home? Okay, John Ali. Never! You're clowning out. You were calling me Jenna Lee. I thought he said Jenna Lee. I was like, occasionally. Never. He knows that. And I just want to say that I am very against anybody that would make an outside dog. And I also want to say that just for Poppy, because he's so nice, I'm going to go inside today.

1:01:42and make a big poo-poo for him. Inside the house. You couldn't make a big poo-poo if you tried. Trust me. I have never one time made a big poo-poo. You know why? Because you're small. Because I weigh seven ounces. That's right. Bye, puppy. Bye. Sing your beans. Sing your beans. Such a nice little sweet boy. I know it. Let's see. We got M1 Michelle from San Clemente. Are you there? Are you there, Michelle? Sorry. Yes, I am. Good morning. Good morning. Dogs are pack animals, so, you know, the dog in the yard, that would be okay if you have another dog to hang with. The dog's going to be really lonely in the yard. And my senior team, you know, he's so happy being in the house. And I was listening yesterday also. I wanted to offer up the woods that I work for the San Diego Zoo as well. I'm a certified pet dog trainer, and I'd love to come to his house for one time for free. Hey, man, we would look at any and all alternatives at this point because my dogs are absolutely crazy. You can email me, woods at mikeyshow.com. Okay, that sounds great. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you. Appreciate it. Just want to let people know the word of the day is lantern, so when you hear lantern worked into a sentence, caller number nine is going to get tickets to the Chargers-Bears game.

1:03:05happening this weekend. Don't forget our meet and greet this weekend. It's on Friday, August 13th. It's 5 to 7, Tipsy Crow. It's downtown San Diego. All the guys have to wear skinny jeans. I'm also smuggling Senior Beans in. Yeah, that's right. The real Senior Beans. We're going to smuggle them in. Maybe if you're trying to be covert and smuggle, you shouldn't say it on the air. It's kind of like Carrie Underwood carving her name into the side of somebody's truck. Also, when we come back, we're going to play you the audio of Woods and Jay attempting to do Albert Hainsworth's workout. Nice. You know, the same one that Albert Hainsworth could not pass in order to be able to practice with the Redskins. That's coming up next. Don't go away. That was awesome. Sienna goes, don't know it? Like it. All I need to hear is that little tone in Taylor Swift's voice. It's the number one downloaded song in the country right now. They're all the same, though. Every song is the same. Yeah, all her songs are the same. There's Prince Charming in this one, too. Listen, you guys know me. I'm real honest with you about how I like a Miley Cyrus song. If I like it, I'll tell you. Here's the deal with me and Taylor Swift songs. When I first hear them, they annoy me. And then I hear them again, and they still kind of annoy me. By the fifth time, I'm completely in on it. I'm like, ah, it's my favorite song.

1:05:00Please never say that again. There was so many Taylor Swift songs that I liked that I didn't even know they were Taylor Swift until like a month later. And then by that time you're in love with it. Sienna, what's going on in news? Yesterday, President Obama signed a $26 billion emergency jobs bill into law. Basically, it provides help to cash-strapped states, and the White House says it will save the jobs of some 300,000 teachers, police officers, firefighters, and other public workers, which is great. A big local story. You know how the San Diego Zoo, we all love our pandas, right? Well, two giant panda sisters are being sent to a reserve in China to help in the effort to save the critically endangered species. because they are endangered species. So say goodbye to Su Lin and Zen Zen. They're going to be leaving later this summer, and Monday's the last day you can go to the zoo to visit them. Where are they going to be sent to? Is it a specific zoo? No, they're going to a reserve. Oh, okay. In China. Got it. Goodbye, Su Lin and Zen Zen. I love you. I love you so much. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, San Diego native and Washington Nationals ace, Steven Strasburg, is...

1:06:12Falling a little bit back down to earth. Got worked last night real good. Really? Yeah, gave up six earned runs, only pitched four in a third innings. But he had just come off a stint on the disabled list, so probably just a little rusty. He's going to be fine, the kid is. Also, LeBron James has taken to Twitter. Really? And here was his message, and he's mad. He's upset, hurt, sadness, fear. He says, quote, Don't think for one minute that I haven't been keeping mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer, and I mean. Everyone. Oh. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, exactly. Watch out, guys. LeBron's coming for you. That means you, Jimmy Smith in Akron, Ohio. That's right. Burn my jersey? You don't burn my jersey. I burn your jersey. What is that? What is he going to do? I mean everyone. Everyone. So ominous. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Stacey Johnson. I saw you break that bobblehead. You think Stacey Johnson was like, That guy has turned from just one of the most beloved guys to King clown is he's like Yes, he's the new king class that is pretty clownish that and he's like he's kick some kids out of the gym because he want to shoot baskets He's like they showed him dunking over little kids in a little exhibition game. Oh my god

1:07:37He has been at Trainwreck, dude, since he left. We do need to find Sienna. We've got to find the sound effect that goes bum, bum, bum. That's great. So we were talking about how Coach Shanahan out in Washington wasn't letting Albert Hainsworth practice because he was out of shape. Showed up to camp weighing about 350 or something and just out of shape and fat and the whole deal. And he wanted to, you know, he... Talked about holding out, and he didn't want to be there. He wanted to trade. He was just kind of being a D. So we talked a little bit. Well, Woodsy, you know, we can't just say stuff around here. You can't. You'll get called to the mat. You got two Nancy Drews. That's right. Or quarters. Yeah. It's very true. So Wood said that test was nothing. And what's the big deal with that test that Albert Hainsworth had to take? Yeah, take it six times. Had to take it six times. And what does it consist of? Or does it say on here? So here is, I think I said it. Go ahead and play it. So here is Woodsy attempting the Albert Hainsworth fitness test. Hey, it's Woods. And I'm out here. Where are we, Jay? Cardiff Elementary. And I'm about to make a fool out of myself. I've been running mouth about Albert Hainsworth not being able to pass his physical. And now...

1:08:58I've been called to the carpet, as usual. And I have to do 12 sprints of 25 yards each, okay? And I have to do that in 70 seconds. Then I get a three-and-a-half-minute break, and then I have to do it again in 73 seconds. Oh, my gosh. That's hardcore. Yeah, it is. So my money is on no, but I'm going to turn this over to Jay. I'm going to get started. Now, let's hear how it sounded. After. After. Really out of shape. That was terrible. Oh, wow. Get that camera out of my face. Howard Hainsworth, I'm sorry. I'm not. Wow. You say I'm not? Do you even get close? No, not even close. So we get out after the show yesterday, and I'm dog tired. I'm like, all right, Jay, we can do this. Piece of cake.

1:09:53And Jay's got the flip camera, and I start running. We measure it out. Jay, of course, has a measuring thing. We measure it out. The way we understood it was this. They're set 25 yards apart. You're supposed to run 300 yards of sprints. So you go down and back 12 times, basically. That's 300 yards. So I make it six times. My legs, by the fifth time, were shaking. I was like... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I go, I'm not doing this. I just stopped. And so I was like, Jay, I was like, you think you can do it? He's like, I think I can do it. So Jay gets up. No way. That's not what I said. I said, what? He goes, you got to do it now. Oh, yeah. I go, yeah, it's your turn. And he's like, no, I'm not doing it. I go, no, you're doing it. So Jay starts to do it. Well, Jay actually makes it the 12 times. He does the run, but, man, he starts fading. He was fading like when I did, like at the 6. I just gave up. I was like, I'm done. Which really makes you appreciate a 6'4 athlete having to do it at 300 pounds or whatever. Well, he's a professional. He's a professional, but there's a lot of weight to carry. Here's Jay's, the audio after Jay got done. Hold on. How long, Jay? A minute 10.

1:11:05That's 40 seconds faster than Albert Hainsworth. Wait, who's out of breath? Why are you out of breath? Because I'm dying. So he did it in 111 seconds. I said a minute, Tim, but he did it. It was 110 seconds instead because I was out of my mind. No, it was 70 seconds. Oh, then you passed it. Yeah, I passed. Oh, I thought you failed. No, you couldn't think. I was out of my mind. I was out of my mind. So he did it in 70 seconds. I think he did it in 70 seconds. Exactly. But then. I go, all right, so then you have to stop. You wait three and a half minutes and do it again. He's like, absolutely not. Play the rest of that. Had to run. But you know what, Jay? They don't pay us $100 million either, pal. Yeah, we're going to throw it. We're going to go eat Kehlani. Did you guys go kill some Kehlani? That's what we did. Nice. Dude, I was like, I tip my hat. I'm a fat pig. You're not. You're the man. It was impossible. Well, this is impossible. I can't imagine running 300 yards. Yeah. What? Well, not in, I mean, I could. Give me a week. I'll get it done. 300 yards. 70 seconds? 70 seconds. L.O.B. And then 73. Could she do it? Could she do it? I bet I could do it. You do? Hey, Cardiff Elementary's got a spot for you. If you can do it, I will be. It's the starting and stopping, man. You bust it down. You stop. Then you go back the other way and you're like.

1:12:30Like suicide. Yeah, suicide. Well, the thing is that L.O.B. was a track star in high school. And Jay's in shape. Jay's in shape and, you know, he has endurance. I don't have endurance. I play real sports. I'm not trying to be the best at exercising. You know what I mean? Write that down. Write that down. Write that down. I have endurance in front of a plate of tacos. Well, absolutely. And so I told you by the fourth time, I was like, I'm not going to make it. I'm like, I'm a third of the way done. I'm going to die. It was impossible. It's awesome. It was impossible. And I was sitting on my couch last night and I go. I actually thought about going in the backyard and trying to do it again just to see if I could do it. Holy cow. Dude, it's hard. We got a great call here from M1 Michael. Michael, are you there? Yes. First of all, I read what this is on my screen, and my first question to you before we even get started is, is your wife listening? Well, she normally listens, but she's out of town, so I doubt if she is right now. Because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, because I read what this is, and I just don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Go ahead and... Tell us why you're calling. Well, I was out of town last month for a few days. I came back, and my wife had turned our garage into like a spot for me to hang out, man cave type thing. Nice. Solid. Yeah, it was, I mean, I love the fact that she did it. You know, she was obviously, you know, excited for me to see it, but I don't like hanging out out there. Honestly, the way she did it, it's just kind of, it's not my thing.

1:14:02Give me an example. Well, she's got an old TV, you know, the old big monster TVs that we used to have like eight years ago. That's out there. She picked up some dusty recliner from a garage sale. Oh, wow. The one cool thing she did is she does have some big, you know, cool motor posters of girls in bikinis. I do like that. Oh, that's solid. Nice. You know, I'm not a garage guy. I just don't like hanging out out there. Who does? I don't want to hurt a feeling. Yeah, especially when it's summertime. Garages aren't air conditioned. That's where my husband's man cave is. He loves it. Is it air conditioned? No. But you live on the ocean. That's a different thing, right? I mean, don't you guys live by the ocean? At least you get the breeze. Yeah. Listen, if it's hot, is it hot in there? Yeah, it's hot. You open the garage door. What's the deal? That's not a cave anymore. I mean, well, I mean, it's the opening of the cave. That's where the posters are hanging. I mean, dude. Are there spider webs? Yeah, I mean, do you have black widows crawling around your man cave? You know, there might be if you get into the corners. But, you know, for the most part, it's pretty clean. But I don't know if she's trying to, you know, are you trying to get rid of me? Or is it just something? I think she's trying to be nice.

1:15:23So did you have to do the bit where she's like, all right, honey, look what I did for you. And you're like, oh. Do you love it? Love it? Oh, yeah. It's great. I knew you would. I'm going to go watch my high def flat screen inside. But I do love it. I do love it. I put a TV out there. It's hot. And it only gets Channel 4. It only gets Channel 4? No chance you could say that when she first showed you. Do you feel like you have to hang out in it? Well, a little bit. And, you know, I'm not a real sports guy, so I don't watch a whole lot of TV. But, you know, I'm out there watching the History Channel, you know, my dusty recliner. It's just a bummer because you sit down on it and it looks like you just farted dust. Oh, my gosh. I think it sounds cool. And I think that was really nice of her. Sounds like she was trying to be nice for sure. It's a nice gesture. You know, they always say that it's the thought that counts. And I think it was a great gesture. I mean, a lot of women would be like, you're not having a place where you can hang out without me. You know what I mean? So here's the deal.

1:16:28You just refurb it to your specifications. Slowly though. Slowly refurbish it. And, you know, just tell her, man, what a great, you did a great job. You gave me a great spot for me to hang out. I'm going to add a couple of my own little things. Just slowly start upgrading it. Cut a hole in the wall, put one of those little swamp coolers in there. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Quegerator. That's probably the best thing to do. Describe it for me because I want to get the visual of the inside of this garage. I mean, does the car even go in at all anymore? Well, we really never used it. It just kind of had some storage stuff in it. And she got that cleaned out. She actually had the neighbor come over and hang up some cabinets. Oh, my gosh. It does look kind of cool. She's got one wall where there's this big velvet tapestry. Tapestry. You know, my jaw did not when I saw it, but it wasn't because I was, like, happy. It was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Sounds like a frat. Yeah, it sounds like a college or, you know, like a high school kid. Sounds like a place where squatters would live.

1:17:37Yeah, but the squatters would go in there and go, man, it's too hot in here. I'm out. I think any of your guy friends, if they came over and you were like, check out my man cave that my wife did, I think they don't care what it looks like as long as they can go somewhere else, you know? I think they care what it looks like. I think they do, too. You should see my husband's. It's so old school. Everything in it is old. He doesn't have cable, but he has a TV in there. It's an old school TV. And he just watches movies. I walked in there the other day. He was watching old school. Oh, my gosh. He has like an old fridge in there. He loves it. He hung curtains. Oh, my gosh. I want to see the velvet tapestry so bad. I know. I do, too. Send us a picture of the velvet tapestry, please. I will. I'll email that thing to you guys. Thank you for the call, bro. You got an awesome wife. That's the thing that kills you is that you know that she meant well. She thought that he was going to come home and be like, Oh, my God, look at this. Look what I got out of my own man cave. Because I have one now. I have my own little man cave, and I love it. I think she didn't even need to put anything in it, just be like, this is your space. Yeah. And he would have been like, oh. Wasn't it already his space, though? It sounds like he doesn't hang out in the garage anyway. Wasn't it their space, Jay? Oh, kid. It's their space. It was a storage space. Yeah, they weren't using it for anything.

1:18:58Just the fact that she cleaned it out. I'm thinking of it that way. That was a nice thought. Nice thought. Just like you guys would never leave the house on a weekend and say, okay, honey, I'm going to trust it to you to go ahead and decorate the living room. It's not a sexist thing or anything. He has his room. We have the rest. Absolutely. And women, it's so weird how different we are, guys and girls, when it comes to that space that we need. I don't think women really. They may need to be on their own or whatever and have alone time, but we need an actual area. Domicile. I think that my wife, and I don't know if guys can relate to this, but I think that my wife had an adjustment with that. I know mine has been every day. Yeah, because they feel like maybe you don't want to be with them or you're hiding. It's just we need to be in our little cave. And, you know, I turned my blank canvas over to my wife and said, have at it. And it is awesome. I love my office. I love it. Me too. I love it. I couldn't be happier. It's not a man cave, though. It's a man cave. An office is not a man cave. Yeah, it's a man cave. All my baseball stuff is in there. That's my deal. My guitars. M1. TVs. Games. No, I don't play games. I like girls. M1 Chris from Oceanside. Are you there? I'm getting a dartboard. Yeah, I'm here. Hey, I was just kind of.

1:20:24No, we do that because they like it. They want their own space. Define May. My husband. Yes. Todd. Well, if they don't have a big enough house with an extra room in it, you got to make do with what you have. Yeah. Chris, do you have a man cave, Chris? No. I'm not a hang-in-the-garage kind of guy. I'd rather go hang in the house. Yeah, I know, but do you have a man cave inside? Yeah, pretty much. What's it like? Just basically a TV, big leather chair. I got a football, like a little Nerf football that I can throw at my kids when they're being too loud. See, my man cave was disgust. Missed that. It's still not what we discussed. You know what I mean? My man cave was supposed to be a place where I can put up whatever I want. But I can guarantee you that if I put up all my dorky stuff... What? Your man cave is right when you walk in the front. It's the first thing you see when you walk in the house. And men don't know how to decorate. They'll put posters up with tape. Your wife sounds a lot like my wife, Mikey. We need a pre-approval of things that are acceptable that we can put up.

1:21:48Chris, my wife sounds like your wife and every wife in the universe. That's why you go to the garage. I don't go to the garage. I don't care. He can do whatever he wants in there. Yeah. If I ever have a new house, it'll be different. Really? Your man cave is badass. Yeah. Well, dude. It's badass. It is. It is. It is. You walk in Mikey's in his office, and he has the Scarface desk. This huge desk, and he's like, I love the desk. Behind it, the TV in front of you, it's rad. Don't get me wrong. I love my man cave, but it's also very, and you know this, very pottery barn. It is so black and white store. I hate to burst your bubble, but neither one of you have a man cave. It's not a man cave. That's what I'm saying. That's fine. But to me, it feels like a man cave because I can go in there, put on deft tones as loud as I want to, play my electric guitar. You know, dip snuff for me. And I have all my books and everything I love, all my Yankee gear. That's a man cave for me. But it's in the house. And especially with Mike, because he has kids, they're just going to walk in. You know, you're not separate from anything. That's why a garage is cool. It is like clockwork for me. I'll sit down in there and I'll do work. I'll finish the work and I'll begin something that's about to be fun for me. Okay. And inevitably I will hear.

1:23:11Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. And I'm like, I was right about to start. Doing fun man cave stuff. Beef man caved out. Yeah, because you're right there. I mean, right when the kids come home, you're the first person they see because that's the first room you pass. See, when I lived with a guy, I think I was that little daddy, daddy voice. Did you? What are you doing in there? Would you? Oh, yeah. Why do women do that? I did at first. Now I like it. I like when he's out there. Because then I'm like, ah, I get to relax. Yeah, when you have stuff to do and when you want to do your thing. Women are like, now I can pass gas. Our garage. And watch Lifetime. Our garage isn't attached to our house either. So it's like a back house. That's badass. Yeah. Maybe I can hang out over there. You can come anytime. Word of the day is lantern. We haven't said it yet. When we do work it into a sentence, you'll be caller number nine. You'll get charger bear tickets for this weekend. Don't forget our meet and greet this Friday when we're going to be wearing skinny jeans. The guys will be wearing skinny jeans. Out of the Tipsy Crew. Oh, that's going to be great. Speaking of things, man, Woodsy didn't know what a man-gagement ring was. He still doesn't. He still doesn't. I don't either. I'm going to tell you what it is, and I'm also going to tell you what celebrity is wearing a man-gagement ring. The Mikey Show is myself, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, Jay, and our phone screener, Krause. It's Krause! Woodsy didn't know what a man-gagement ring is. How could I possibly? I didn't know it on...

1:25:25It was either. Who does? I thought that was a known thing. Well, I thought it was a known thing too, but only because it has been a pop culture thing for a couple of years. I have a guess. Go ahead. Isn't it when a gay guy wants to marry another gay guy? That's a good guess. Is it when a girl asks a guy to marry her? No. Is it when a guy wears a big gaudy diamond ring like a woman would wear? No. Is it when a guy... proposes to a woman and he wears the ring too. That is it! Wait. Yeah, that is it. That is it. Say it again. That is it. It's when a guy proposes to a woman and he wears an engagement ring too. That's stupid. Or the girl proposes to him, but it's them both wearing rings that say that they're engaged. That doesn't bother me. That's so stupid. I agree with Lauren. I agree with Lauren. Unless it looks like a diamond ring. There's a big difference between an engagement ring. Does it look like this? Yeah. It's a band. It's usually a band. I get on one knee and I ask Jamie to be my wife. And I say, I love you. Marry me. Here's your ring. And by the way, I have this one and I'm going to wear this until we're married. No, she picks it out for you. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, exactly. So you ask her. So I would I would ask L.O.B. L.O.B. says yes. And then after we celebrate and we hug and it's all great, we go. I go. I would say to L.O.B., by the way, what would you think about us going in?

1:26:51getting me an engagement ring as well. Usually the girl would be the one that says that. Is that the ring that you're going to wear when you're married or is it totally different? You wear that around your neck. I think it could be different. There's no right answer to that. Some guys may want to wear two rings. Some guys may only want to wear one. You go like this. You take your man-gagement ring off at some point and you put it over on your right hand. Mine doesn't fit on the right hand. That is dumb. I'm out. I'm out. Sienna? She's in. No, no, I'm not in. I'm not in. I just think, you know, girls, it's been known that girls have two rings on their left hand. You know, ring finger. Guys have one. So, you know, one's an engagement ring on a woman's hand. One is a wedding band. And for centuries, that signifies that a man is married if it's on his left hand. But here's the deal. I married Jamie and she doesn't wear a wedding ring. She wears the one ring I got her. She doesn't have a band. Oh, she doesn't have a band. She got a band, though. No. You didn't put a ring on her finger in the ceremony? I took it off and put it back on. Really? Oh, wow. That's weird. The way her, it's a royal cut. It's a big square. The way that her ring is, yeah. It wouldn't work good. Maybe you make that right. No. But it wouldn't. Maybe I put a ring on her finger. I did.

1:28:11It cost me a fortune. I'm sure it did. They always do. But a wedding band is something. She doesn't need a band. She's got her engagement ring. But even if she doesn't wear it, it's something that she should have. Yeah, it's like throwing money down the drain. No, no. It's like a wedding band. I told her I loved her. I said I do. She said I do. I gave her a. She never said anything about that? No, get her on the phone. Maybe make that right. That's what Jamie's saying right now. I want to know where to go now. She's going to be nice and say that she doesn't mind. You took it off her left hand and then put it right back on? Get that sweet little Texan on the line. Oh my gosh, I was so excited on my wedding day to be able to add to my engagement ring. By the way, Jamie looks great. She's been doing P90X. Yeah, she's dynamite. She's lost weight. Whoa, hello. Yeah, so before the ceremony, I gave my brother this ring and gave him that engagement ring, and they said, take your hand, and I put it back on her. Here's the deal, though. I get what you're saying. Traditional. It's traditional. Fine, great. We got married in a lake. Big deal. What? Here's the deal. Why would I buy her an expensive wedding band that she does? They're not that expensive. Well, whatever. Why would I spend more than $7 on a wedding band that she's going to go, oh, cool, and throw in her jewelry box and not wear? She's going to wear it.

1:29:32She doesn't match. She can put it on her right hand. She can't wear it with her ring. Then she'll put it on her right hand. Why would I just buy her a cool ring for her right hand then? Yeah, why don't you get her a wedding man that matches it? You can't. The thing is too big. What if you got a really, really thin one? It's too big. You've seen it. It's a huge rock. I've seen it. I can perfectly understand why she wouldn't wear another ring with it because it would be too much on her finger. Yeah. But... I definitely think that she needs a wedding band. Zero percent. That's symbolizing you're engaged, an engagement ring. A wedding band symbolizes, like, see this band? Like, I'm a married woman. So does that thing on her that big giant rock says I'm married. No, people will think that she's only engaged. She's engaged. Honestly, Woodsy. That's true. Woodsy, honestly. My mom never wore a wedding band. 30 years. Never. People thought she was engaged. Yeah, but you know how you combat that? I'm sorry, I'm married. You see that? Yeah, you say that. That's 25 grand on my finger. People will think that she's engaged. Woods' wife, Jamie, is on the line. Hi, Jamie. Hello, guys. How are y'all? We're good. We're good. What do you think? Am I a cad, honey, that I didn't buy you a wedding band? No, we talked about it. My ring is...

1:30:44is a hundred years old yeah so it just it's an antique looking ring it just doesn't your ring is gorgeous but jamie you're engaged put the honest put the honest cap on for a minute so we're only engaged then no i mean doesn't part of you want to have a wedding band if you wear it or if you don't if you put on a chain and wear it on your neck doesn't don't you kind of want a wedding band you know i think it'd be nice to just wear the band rather than maybe going to the beach or something. Yeah, you have options. Yeah, maybe you make that right. I'm a piece of ass. No, you're not. You're not. She's not saying that, but I agree. If I go to the beach, my engagement ring comes off because you don't want a diamond really at the beach. You want a smaller ring. Which is like, I had no idea that Wednesday was going to cost me $6,000. Thanks a lot for the at least $1,000 bill. Oh my gosh, Jamie doesn't care. I made her put on her honest cap. But, I mean, seriously, if you were it or if not, if it were me, I would just say I would want to have that special little ring. Jamie, Jamie, wouldn't you, just put on the honest guy, wouldn't you want a $4,000 band later today from Tiffany? Who wouldn't? I'll tell you what, though. I'm pretty practical, and if...

1:32:01I've seen Jamie's ring. Are you saying I'm not? No. I can see why she wouldn't care and be like, oh, well, what's the point? Because I'm going to wear this one ring and I'm not going to stack them. By the way, I've never noticed Jamie's ring. Do you? Do girls? Do girls? I just saw it yesterday. So you guys are sized. Do you guys size? Oh, yeah. Check that out. No, I don't. Yesterday, Jamie's brother was in the studio playing and she was nervous and she was showing how her hand was shaking because she was nervous. And I looked at her ring and I specifically went. That's gorgeous, but I had never seen it before. Oh, I saw the moment I first saw Jamie. Nice ring. A little canary diamond in the middle. It's gorgeous. I didn't mess around. I know. I didn't mess around. So that's why I'm like, great. I love it, dear. Here's another $800,000. No, you can get something for a couple hundred bucks. It's pretty bad. Somebody's got a birthday coming up in September. Maybe I make that right. That's right. Maybe you do. That's right. Thank you, Jamie. Love you, babe. Love you, babe. Love you. Me too. I love you.

1:33:00M1 Lindsey from Normal Heights. Wow. Hi. How are you? How are you? Good. Good. I just had a quick comment. My husband also, we decided just to get the one. And it's, you know, not just a regular engagement ring. It just has a very unique look. And so we decided to go with the one. And I love it. I love it. I don't have a wedding band. I think it's A-OK. So your husband's a big turd, too, like me, apparently. And you're engaged. And your husband's a cheap bastard like I am. No, we'll celebrate five years in April. Yeah, you're engaged. And when you go to bars, guys are like, hey, listen, she ain't married yet. I guarantee, though, a lot of guys don't know that. I'm pretty sure my brother-in-law was like, wait, I already got you a ring. I'm going to have to get you a band now? Wait. I don't know the question that ever come up. I actually get more compliments on the ring just that it's unique than, you know, oh, well, where's the band? Yeah. That's cool. Some people don't like, even some women, they don't wear both because they don't like their bands. That's cool. I like the one. It's easy and...

1:34:08Pretty, and yeah, that's kind of what my thinking was. Mine means so much to me that my fat pregnant finger can't wear my rings right now, and I have both of them around my neck as a necklace. And that's cute. Like, I couldn't imagine not having both. Some people don't wear rings at all. Well, Jay likes to play the field, you know. It's just like... Jay. Just kidding. That would kill me. I would be so mad. You would not. Jay says that they don't have an issue with it. After years, I mean, you guys have been married, what, 27 years? 22 years. We've been together forever. Oh, okay. Well, a really long time. Maybe when I got to that point, I'd be like, oh, screw it. I don't care. I've been married to him forever. But now, I mean, it's still new. I'd be like, you better put that ring on your finger. So do you guys want to know what celebrity is wearing a man-gagement ring? Yeah. Woods, stop cheating. I already know who it is. I just wanted to see what that clown looked like. He looks at my news sheets every day. It's... You're not going to be surprised. Michael Bubble. Bublé. Bublé. Michael Bublé. Really? Gorgeous. I would marry him just to hear his voice. What's his boyfriend's name? Stop. You should see a picture of the woman he's marrying. She's from Argentina.

1:35:25Probably the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. Can I tell you something? What? You like this guy, right? Michael Buble? Yeah. Not like good looking necessarily, but his voice. Yeah. And he's a sharp cat. I've seen him. Yeah. He's a good looking guy. I've seen him in concert. You know that. Michael Buble. My wife disagrees with this, but I said, Michael Buble is very, by the way, very popular with young women. And really all women. Okay. He will be the next generations like Neil Diamond. So all the 25-year-old women that you see right now will be old, like 65, at Michael Bublé in Vegas. Oh, my gosh, Michael! See, you know, I think that most women that like Michael Bublé are not young. No, they're like 35. I'm telling you.

1:36:18They do, though. He's popular with all women. Most of my friends, no way would they be like, ooh, Michael Buble. I'm weird that I like him. None of my friends like him. Yeah. But none of your friends like anything popular. Michael Buble. They do? Yeah. I thought you guys were all anti-establishment. No. I thought you were into like, you know. Just because I have good taste in music doesn't mean everyone I'm friends with has good taste in music. Have you heard the new Buffalo Scissors album? Buffalo Scissors. It's really great. Yeah, they sold seven copies. Yeah, which is cool. It's great for them. Usually I only buy music from bands that sell six copies, but I was like, hey, let's try it out. I kind of got irritated that they'd sold seven because I was like, I was listening when they were just, you know, a garage band. Club band. Right. Let's, ooh, how about this one? M1, Kyle from Miramar? Yes. What did you guys do? Well, I work construction and I have known two guys that lost their fingers because they were wearing rings because of equipment. So right then and there, I said, I'm not wearing a ring anymore. And my wife used to complain, so I told her,

1:37:29I'm going to get the ball and chain tattooed on my ring finger. Okay. And did you do it? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Does it say it or is it a picture of a ball and chain? Yeah, it's a ball and chain tattoo. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Genius. I've heard that before. Better than losing a finger, isn't it? Absolutely. Better than having your finger yanked off. Yeah, I like my fingers. Thank you. I told you guys about the friend of ours when he was in high school. Thought he would be real funny and try to. Hit the top of the tetherball pole. Oh, you still talk about this. We all wear rings. This ring got hung up. But it held him there. That was the good thing. It held him there. So the fire department got there. Mike! Stop. To do the disconnect. Any hoot. He had six fingers on each hand. And one Becky from San Marcos. Hey, guys. Hi. When we got engaged last July, I had my ring and I wore it proudly. And Jesse, my husband, thought it wasn't fair that I got to wear a ring and he didn't. So he, every now and then, would take the ring out for the wedding and put it on for a day and probably tell everybody he was engaged, too. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. He would put on your ring?

1:38:56No, no, no. We had already bought his ring for the wedding. Because he wanted an engagement ring. He felt left out. He felt left out. You know, to each their own. And he's nothing like Michael Bublé. Michael Bublé. Is he a middle child? No, he is from a family of three girls, though, three sisters. That explains it. Michael Bublé is fantastic. I just want to relive M1 Becky saying, He's really manly, though, and Wood's going, is he? Well, that's debatable. God, even I didn't do that, and I'm a girly man. Thank you, Becky. We appreciate it. Yeah, I'm traditional. Apparently in some countries, though, it is traditional because that's what Michael Buble said. The reason he wears it is because in his fiance's country, Argentina, that's the way they roll down there. They don't even have running water over there, though, so who's going to listen to them? Pre-wedding man bands. is what they call them. They poop in holes over there in Argentina. No, they don't. Oh, my gosh. No, they don't. They do not. It's not a third world country. Kicking soccer balls around. What's he just taking guesses? Kicking soccer balls around. I'm from America. That's right. These colors don't run. That's right. Oh, my. Oh, my. Sienna is 25 years old, and there's a lot of songs that Sienna just has not heard. And so we do a little wagering around here whether or not she's going to know.

1:40:50the words to this song. I usually don't get any right. I've gotten three for three before, though. You never know. Every once in a while. Do you guys think that Sienna will know Bon Jovi always? Oh, no. Such a good song, but no. I say 100% no. Thanks. Thanks, guys. Are you ready? Did anyone say yes? No. No one did. She's got karaoke computer in front of her. I do. And it will scroll the words across, and we'll find out, based on how she sings it, whether or not she knows it. His blood. It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up. It's been raining. He left me. Now I'm drowning in the flood. You see, I've always been a fighter. I give up. I'm going to say no. You should definitely give up. You guys, that was dead on, wasn't it? That was not dead on. That was the opposite of dead on. I was having fun with it. Yeah, you were. It was fun. But definitely not the actual way it goes. All right. How about this one? Do you think that Sienna will know heart alone? No. No.

1:42:25I'm not sure I know her. I'd have to say no. I don't know any of these until it starts going. I will say Sienna definitely knows this one. Oh, really? Thanks, Mike. And I will explain my reasoning after we hear whether she gets it right or gets it wrong. Let's make this happen. Here we go. The ticking of the clock. Pitch dark. Answer on the phone. Ooh, sultry. Sultry. You guys think of that. What do you think? I didn't hear her hit that note. I know. I think she got it. I think she got it. I've definitely heard it. I think you got it. And see, that's the thing. My reasoning was that song is pretty girly. You know, like they play that on Kixie, you know, for sure. I don't know that you're a Kixie listener. Aren't you? I listen to it all. Doesn't every girl listen to Kixie at some point in her life? Maybe not when they're 25.

1:43:58Yeah, that's true. I don't know. I think she got it. I think she got it. You knew it for sure. I mean, I've heard it. That first one, I had no idea. That puts this next one, I'm in a quandary. Lionel Richie, hello. Oh, boy. I know. Because if I'm using my same logic, I say, yeah, she knows it. I don't know if I have the heart to hear anybody mess up this song. I know. I might have to take my headphones off. I think she does not have it. What? You say no. She doesn't know. I say yes. Woods says no. I say no. Lauren says no. I've at least heard of Lionel Richie. I know that much. She knows. Yeah, he's Nicole Richie's dad. That's probably why. Nicole Richie's dad. That's right. All right, so me, Woods, and Jay believe that she knows. Lauren says nope. She doesn't know. I said no. Oh, you said no. No. Okay, here we go. Thanks, guys. You ready, Sienna? Yes. We need a fog machine No doubt

1:45:35I can see it in your eyes. A smile. Yeah. Let me start by singing. I love you. I love you. I sweat a little bit. She kind of got to me. That one is not really easy to sing along with. That is one of the creepiest music videos I've ever seen. What was the video? He's like her teacher. And she's blind. What? Really? And he's stalking her throughout the hallway. No way. Yes! I think I do remember that. And then he's like, hello? And she's blind. She's like, ah! Where are you? And then she makes a statue of his face. Is it me you're looking for? Well, I don't know. I can't see a thing. Yeah, he like pops around the corner. He comes up behind her and he goes, hello? She's like, ah! She molds a statue of a snake? Yes! I gotta watch it. I gotta watch it. Dude, it's so creepy. Can we watch it right now? Can we please find that right now? Oh, wow. Holy cow. He's like a stalker and a statutory racist. Oh, you know, back then it was not from all of us. Yeah, back in those days. Back in those days. You know. Being with a blind miner in the old days. In the old days.

1:46:54Word of the day, by the way, today is lantern. You're listening for the word lantern when you hear it. Caller number 9. 570-1949 is going to win tickets to the Chargers and the Bears. Welcome back to Mikey Show. Sienna, what's going on in news? This is kind of funny story, a local story. There is an award apparently called the Hambone Award for a dog with the most outrageous injury that luckily he survived from. And this is like a nationwide contest. And one of the dogs from San Diego named Ellie, that's a lab, apparently ate a beehive.

1:48:10and ingested thousands of dead bees and pesticides. But it's fine. The dog's fine, went to the vet, everything. And she's up for this award. The other two finalists are it's a terrier from Illinois that bit a chainsaw and a border collie from Alabama that ran through a window to get a mailman. All these dogs are okay. Oh my gosh. But it's kind of a, you don't think it's funny? The Hambone Award? I was so waiting for something bad, but it's all good, right? No, yeah. No, everyone's fine. I know you look terrified. Yeah, I was terrified. No, they're making fun of and making light of what could have been that. But also, Sienna, can I pull the curtain back a little bit on what's going on? No. Yes, you can. Sienna was... putting on some eye makeup and one of her eyes has eye makeup and the other one doesn't. She looks like Clockwork Orange. And I was like... No, I do not. She does not. I have mascara on one eye and not on the other. That is right. That is correct. She's a pro, dude. It was time to work and she put down her mascara. I only have so much time. This show goes on. I love it like that. I love it. And another thing going on, a man was rescued alive in China after the landslide.

1:49:17in mud for over 60 hours, and he was pulled from the rubble, but they're still looking for hundreds more in China after the landslide that happened over the weekend. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? The Padres have another game tonight against the Pirates. It's a 7.05 start at Petco Park. It's Kevin Correa against James McDonald for the Pirates. Go out and get a W. Also, the University of Florida head coach Urban Meyer has closed practices to the public, saying that he wants to, quote, protect his team from internet people and scumbags. Protect his. Protect his players. From internet people and scumbags. You know those internet people will get you. What are internet people? You. You're an internet person. You are. Yeah. You're an internet person. You're not allowed at Florida's practices anymore, Mikey. What do you think he meant? Who knows? I don't know. I think they're all paranoid, man, because every school seems like they're under investigation right now. So the agents and NFL scouts, Nick Saban in Alabama did the same thing. No more NFL scouts at his practices. He's focused on the task at hand. Wow. That's pretty hardcore. Yeah, it is. This is what Jay wrote in his recap. Now, let me see what you guys think. We're going to predict, but we'll see. He says...

1:50:37Talking with the whole family about going camping when Mikey has to have his surgery. I want everyone to come on the trip. Still not sure where we're going to go, but I for sure want everyone to get on board. He said that he started to talk to all of his kids. Now, if you don't know, Jay is the father of four kids, okay? He said, I started with Liberty, his daughter Liberty. She is what, Jay, on the? Age pecking order. She's my second daughter, and she is 19. She turns 20 on Friday. So she's the second oldest? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. He's got Maddie, Finn, Liberty, and... Jasper. Jasper. So he says he started with Liberty. She's all in, but wants to bring her boyfriend. He says, I like Kyle, so I said, no problem. Liberty went on to ask if they can sleep in their own tent.

1:51:39Can you blame her? Oh, God. He says, I was taken off guard and said no. Then I sat back for a moment and looked at the facts. She turns 20 on Friday. They've been dating for at least three years. And they have gone off on their own for a week-long camping trip out in the same tent. I mean, really? Does she need my permission? Funny how you want... Funny how you never want your kids to grow up. I told my wife, Kim, the other day, we need another baby. She told me I was crazy. You want another baby? We can't. You can borrow mine. All right, I will. Now, the question is, what do you think? Would you roll this way? Would you not roll this way? Would you be cool? Especially as a dad, would you be cool if your daughter... is coming along camping with you. She's bringing her boyfriend. They're staying in their own tent, but she's an adult. Well, and she lives in his house still. And she lives in his house still. Right. Yeah, she does. Now. That makes a difference. Yeah. It kind of does. Yeah. I hope Liberty doesn't hate me, and I hope even more Jay doesn't hate me, but I wouldn't. My deal would be, you know, if you are going to come camping with us, it's my rules. Yeah.

1:53:04So would he have to sleep in his own tent? Yeah, 100%. And even though you're 20. Now, here's the deal. You are probably not going to like that if you're the daughter. You're probably not going to like that. And that's okay. You guys go camping and you guys stay together. Hey, you're an adult. What are you going to do? You're an adult. But when you're staying in my house, it's my rules. And so I would roll that way. A lot of people would. I hear you. And I have a... Question to play devil's advocate. Yeah. They go off to college. Let's say she's 29. She's a working woman, and she's got a boyfriend. Not married still. She's 29, he's 29, and they go camping with the Esparzas. He's sleeping in his own tent. Well, yeah, I mean, it's not an age thing. It's not an age thing. No, no, no. So he's 29 and he's going to sleep in his own tent? What if he's 49? Yeah, I mean. What if he's older than you? Yeah, it's not an age thing. Is it not an age thing? No, for me, it's always kind of an age thing. You know, if my parents would have told me, you know, if you come camping with us, then you can't sleep in the same tent, I'd say, well, guess who's not coming camping with you? Yeah, I would have too. And if that's what we're basing our, oh, well, I'm going to base my, you know, belief system.

1:54:18on what their answer is going to be, well, you know, that can't be it. She's an adult. She has her own belief system. I can no longer force my views on her is what I feel. Hey, dude, she doesn't have her own place, though. And you know what? At my house, absolutely, 100%. There's no sleepovers at our house, but we're going camping. We're not at my house any longer. Who's paying for the campsite and whose tent is it? It's his tent. He has his own tent. And for that matter, he could say, well, we're going to get a campsite right next door to you. Well, yeah, then they can do it. I think the hardest. What's the difference, though? We're talking about a piece of ground now. It's like, okay, over here it's fine, but if you come 10 feet over, no way. But Jay, your initial reaction was no. Well, just because I look at her and she's five. That's her baby, his baby, yeah. Here she is, my five-year-old, sitting on my lap. Right. But she's. It's going to be 20. Now she's sitting on his lap, pal. Yeah, I mean, the deal is... Stop it. Stop it. Listen, when you think about it... Jay just looked at Woods like, I'm going to kill you. When you think about it, though, here's the deal. Jay is an adult. Jay has his own rules about what he wants to do. Now, I'm totally fine with Jay deciding that that's what he wants to do. I'm just telling you, if it were...

1:55:33me ruling the roost, and even if it's my boys. It's your campsite, your boys. You'd be like my dad if you had daughters. And listen, to me, I just look at it differently than Jay does in terms of me jamming. You know what? Every once in a while, I think I've said this, every once in a while I'm about to say something, and I go, nope, I'm in a reverse direction, and then I think about it for a split second, and I go, don't be afraid of it, just say it. So I'm going to say it. Yes. I'm jamming my rules down her throat. For a minute, I was going to... She still lives at home. I get it. I get it. But for a minute, I was going to go, no, you don't want to say that you're jamming your rules down her throat. That sounds bad. And then I rethought about it, and I went, no, it doesn't. That's what we do. That's what we do. As parents, we go, one of the rules of the house is that you can't have boys sleeping in your room. She's an adult. But at home, Jay jams that down her throat. Right. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. Not at all. It's his house. Absolutely. But if you're going camping, Jay, the way I see it is, bro, it's your camp thing. It's your camp trip. And, you know, it's still dad. And I'm with you, but I'm trying to build a long-term relationship with my daughter as well because, like I said, if my parents did that, it's like, you know, and maybe I wouldn't be mean or anything about it, but I just wouldn't go.

1:56:58I was like, okay, fine. I'll stay home. You know what's going to happen when I'm home by myself? What am I going to do? Well, yeah. Come on over, Red Rover. But I don't think... And here's the thing, man. I mean, here's the deal. I think that you're letting the outcome dictate the message. You know, the message is, hey, listen, man. My rules are... You can't have a dude sleeping in the tent. You can't have a dude sleeping. But how meaningful is it to his daughter to be like, thank you, dad. Like you are looking at me as an adult and you're treating me as an adult and you're taking my relationship seriously when a lot of parents don't. And that's going to make her turn the opposite direction. I think that Jay is taking their relationship very seriously when he says. No in-the-house stuff. Yeah, but she's going to be like, all right, screw you. She could. She could, but she may say, hey, I don't know, and I don't know Liberty all that well, but if it was me and my dad said, hey, listen, pal, your girlfriend's not spending the night in your hotel room if we went on vacation. Or your girlfriend's not spending the night in your tent. I'd go, okay. And you paid for it? You're paying for your hotel? No. My dad was paying for it. If you were 20 years old, you're telling me if you were 20 years old.

1:58:11I would have girls. I had a couple girlfriends flew back with me. I was 22 from college, right? And they came back, and they wanted to meet my family, and these were serious girlfriends. Dude, separate room, separate side of the house. I'm a grown-ass man, had my own place in Chicago, had a job, made my own money. And when I got married, now I feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with my wife. But before then, I didn't. Plus, if we follow that logic, though, of, well, you know, if I tell Liberty, no. You can't have him sleep in the tent at the campsite. Then she's not going to go. And then you know what she's going to be doing at home. Come over, Red Rover. OK, well, at home, you say you can't have him sleep in here. If we follow that logic, it's like, OK, dad, that means that if I want to do something, I go over to his place, Red Rover. I mean, you're not going to stop that behavior. You know, you're not if that and that isn't the. Yeah, that's a whole nother conversation. Yeah, that's the deal. It's like it's like. My rule is not because I'm going to go, I'm going to make sure that my son Jake is not having sex. I can't. I can't do that. Unless you tie him to the door. I can't do that. It seems like you may be a little bit handcuffed. I mean, it's kind of like you want her there because, of course, you want your whole family there. But it seems like you're a little handcuffed because has she been like, well.

1:59:33I'm just going to stay home. Well, what if the boyfriend had to stay in the tent with Jasper and then the two girls stayed in the tent together? I don't want to stay. If I'm a guy, especially if I'm an older guy, I don't want to stay in a tent. He can always stay in his own tent. That'd be fun. Just have him. I think they should be like, cool, man. Camp and trip with your family. We'll have a good time. We'll sleep apart. They sneak out. Go make out. No big deal. Even when I was living with Matt. When we went back to my parents' house, it took a second trip, I believe, for us to stay in the same room, but he had to be on another bed. Oh. But with my ex-boyfriend, we had to be on opposite ends of the house. Yeah. See, since I was, I mean, out of high school, my parents treated me like I was an adult if I was in their house. I have the best, I mean, I don't, it was the best thing I think that they could have done. And I didn't disrespect them in any way. I wasn't doing anything inappropriate. You don't want to do anything inappropriate when your parents are two feet away from you. And here's the thing. You know what I mean? I'll tell you that. You better be damn quiet. It isn't about me going, I'm going to control your relations. Right, no. It isn't about that. I don't think so. All it is for me is.

2:00:48This is dad's rules. Yeah, my dad said my house, my rules. It's dad's trip, and I don't want my face rubbed in it in dad's trip. I just don't. I'd be the same way as you, Mike. I really would. And I'd be like, hey, listen, it's a respect thing. You guys are not married. You're not married. And when you're out of my sight and out of my mind, you do what you're going to do, and I get it. But in front of me, in front of dad, have some respect and sleep in separate towns. That's a whole other conversation. So you're saying that you... you can't have sex before you're married, Woods? No, I'm not saying that. That's what it sounded like. I've never said that. I know, but that's, I mean. That's not what I mean at all. Don't have sex in front of me. I just think. You're not going to have sex in front of me. I just think Jay's daughter, as I'm sure, and how I did when I was her age and in the same type of situation, you want to be treated like you're an adult because you are and you want to be able to be on a different level with your parents to where, like, you can be able to. to be in control and you can be able to have that kind of conversation with your parents where it's not awkward. Like when do you get past that? Now's the perfect time to get past it. The deal with me though, is that as all along as these guys are growing up with me, my boys are constantly going to be hearing dad. This is, you know, first of all, this dad's rules, but second of all, this is why dad believes the way dad believes. Dad doesn't want you to have sex before you get married. And Oh, by the way, Jake,

2:02:11Luke, Ryan, the world is going to think you're a dork. A weirdo. Just so you know, I'm letting you know now, the world is going to think you're a dork. Okay? Dad's telling you you're not a dork. Yeah. All right? So I don't want you to get married until, I don't want you to have sex until you get married. What about you, Dad? Did you have, this way they'll talk. What about you, Dad? Did you have sex before you got married? I'm going to say, yeah, I did. I think it was a mistake. And if I had to do it all over again, because that's the other thing. I can't dictate my rules based on what my experience was. That's why that's the way I that's why I think the way I mean. And, you know, I will tell my kids the exact same thing. I will tell them that it's not OK. Part of me is also a realist and knows kind of where we live in the world we live in. And kids are going to do. what they're going to do, unfortunately. But here's the deal. And it was like my parents, same thing. They don't want their nose rubbed in it, man. They don't want me having girls. And we're also equating adults to being a 19-year-old. Dude, I've been 19. I wasn't a frigging adult.

2:03:18I'm 35 and I'm hardly an adult now. If you have that relationship with your child where they're not afraid to come up to you with an awkward situation, I mean, how nice is that for them to be able to know, like, okay, look, they are going to do whatever they're going to do no matter what you say. So if something does go wrong, for them to know that they can go to you and talk to you for help, I think is the most important thing. Well, they can. Yeah, but they're not going to want to if they think that you're going to just be like, I told you not to. They shouldn't feel comfortable. Talking to me about stuff they know isn't something that I'm condoning. Right. They should always know, yep, I'm not going to talk to dad about that one. But even if they're 19 or 20 years old? Well, here's the thing. They always want to be able to go to their parent if they need help. I'm not a parent. I'm not a parent yet, but like my parenting style, I'm not going to be my kid's buddy. I'm not going to be his pal. I'm going to be his dad. I'm going to be both. I'm going to be both. I am too. I'm going to try. But here's the deal. When it comes down to it, if it's pal. Or dad, I'm going to be frigging dad. Well, I'm going to be dad as well, but you know what? I'm not going to teach them not to. I'm not either, dude. You have to wait until you get married because I know I didn't wait. I live together. I'm going to tell my kids all the terrible stuff that I did, all the trouble that I got into, and I'm going to tell them, listen, man, it is not worth it. You want to put something up your nose, you want to drink something, you want to take a pill, it's not worth it. I've done it. It's the worst thing you can do.

2:04:38I'm going to be honest and open with my kids, but I'm also, dude, when it's time for the belt, they're going to get the belt. Woodsy, I think you said it. I think you said it, man. Yes, I can. I would like to think, and I hope that Jake and Luke and Ryan think of their dad as a friend. I think of my dad as a friend. I do want that, but I think Woodsy said it. Man, if it comes down to pal or dad. I'm going to be dad. All the time. 100% of the time. I think all parents are going to say that if it comes down to it, but you want to be both and you want your child to feel not afraid to come up to you if they're in a bad situation. There's a difference between help, which, you know, never my kids can come to me about anything for help. If my kid robs a bank, he should know better than to come to me for help. Absolutely. Because dad isn't down with robbing banks, okay? He puts his hand on a woman. He hurts a woman in some way. And dad, how do I make it so that nobody knows I hit this woman? Sorry, you're not my pal at that point. I'm your dad and you're going to get the belt and you're going to get in trouble. And the reason that you are is because the way that I raised you, you knew that the rules were no hitting girls. Absolutely. You knew that that was the rules. And so if you're coming to me now going...

2:05:57I can't believe this. I mean, why are we not buddies here? Why are we not seeing eye to eye? I thought you were my pal, man. I thought you were my pal. I'm thinking more along the lines of, you know, something that's very common with young kids now. Getting drunk and... No, like, maybe get an STD or something like that. You know what I mean? Well, yeah. But, like, maybe they weren't having sex. Maybe something happened. But it's like, you need your parent. For sure. And here's the deal. Your parent, you said. You need your parent. You need them to be a parent. Well, yeah, but they're not going to. It's okay. Let me take you to the clinic and we're going to make it okay. I don't know. That's just an example that I thought of to where a parent can't get mad. And that's the thing. I wouldn't. I don't want Jake, Luke, or Ryan. And if Jake, Luke, or Ryan come to me because of an STD, I'm going to say to them, figure it out. Oh, my gosh. I hope that you don't. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you with the most. And let me give you the analogy. Dad has a set of rules in the house, okay? You follow the rules. Things go really, really good. Hang on. And if you don't follow the rules, you're on your own. That really is my philosophy. If you don't follow the rules, you don't have to follow the rules. But what about people just messing up? Totally, totally, totally. My dad's rule was you're not going to be drinking underage in this house. In the house, right. Okay? Yeah. I came home stinking drunk.

2:07:17And the next day, my dad's building a fence. Guess who had to go out there and build a fence with him and puke all over the place the whole time I was building the fence? And the reason was, sorry, buddy, I'm not helping you out with this one. But that's different. You weren't in trouble. I mean, if you're in trouble with something like an STD or something that you need help with. And maybe you weren't having sex. You can get it from kissing if someone has like a cold sore in their mouth. You never know. Okay, but still, the deal with me is going to be, listen, you were old enough to get this STD? Like, you were a mature enough young man to be doing the horizontal mambo. All right? But you're not doing it necessarily, the horizontal mambo. I think the spirit of what was, if you get an STD. If you are. Yeah, the spirit of it is, you got an STD. Okay. Listen, you get an STD, and let me tell you, if I'd gotten an STD ever in my life, the last thing I'm doing is...

2:08:11Hey, Dad, how you doing, buddy? Maybe girls are different. Maybe girls are different. Okay, say it's a situation and I can't think of one now. I don't know. A young girl is pregnant or you owe money for, you know, you got into trouble and now you owe money or whatever it is. If you need help, I think just saying on your own and being like, hey, you shouldn't have made a mistake because in a perfect world, perfect people don't make mistakes. Yeah. Listen, I'm down with mistakes. Here's what I think a mistake is. A mistake is, Dad, I took the car, which you gave me permission to do. Took the car. I totaled it. Okay? Okay, buddy. It was a mistake. I mean, you didn't mean it. It was an accident. It's the definition of an accident. Okay, here's another one. Hey, Dad, I took the car like you told me I could. I was drinking. Okay? Got into a wreck. Totaled the car. Can you help me out here? No. Not only can I not help you out, but if you're calling me from jail, buddy, you're going to do some time in there until you're ready to come out.

2:09:11Oh my gosh, Mike, if you get that call, there's no way you're going to be able to say that. My dad would have said that, boom, like that. And the reason is because rules are rules, man. Rules are rules. And I'm sorry. Well, you should have to pay consequences, but not giving someone help that needs help. I'm totally going to help my kids no matter what happens. But they are going to have to face the consequences. Consequence. But I'm going to help them 100%. But you help. I'm never going to turn my back. You always help. I will never turn my back on my kids. I did help. By leaving them in jail? No way. Oh, yeah. No way. Oh, yeah. If they got to spend a night in jail, or, I mean, listen, if they got into an accident when they were drunk, there's nothing I can do about it anyway. They're staying in jail. Yeah, they're toast. They're toast. So, you know, what are they asking me for? You know what I mean? I'm not going to stop talking to him. Your kid skipped school one day, and he's like, Dad, I got in trouble. I got detention for skipping school. I mean, you're going to say, hey, man, that's what happens when you screw up and do something like that. I'm not going to stroke his hair and say, oh, everybody does it. There's nothing that you can do as a parent to get them out of detention. Well, let's say you could.

2:10:14Why wouldn't you help your child? But that's the consequence that they have to pay. Okay, but detention is a small thing next to being pregnant or, you know, whatever. Well, what are you going to help them if they're pregnant? What are you going to do? Help them figure out what their options are. Take them to the doctor, give them the options, let them see a legitimate doctor so they're not going to some free clinic. I would do that. I wouldn't kick her on the street. And for me, that stuff is... The kind of stuff that if you got yourself pregnant, you need to figure these things out. You know what else you need to do? You need to figure out how you're going to provide child care. You need to figure out how you're going to raise your child. Don't you want to help her figure out what her options are? No. If not for her, for the sake of this unborn child? Let me underline, highlight, underscore, put in italics, and make it bold. No. No. Wow. Absolutely, undeniably no. The rules of the house were? And you chose this. You chose it. Now listen, I will also say this in the same breath. I love you. And part of the reason that I'm doing this is because I love you. In fact, if you look up the definition of codependent, the actual definition of codependent is to help someone in their progress of doing something which is not right. That's one guy's opinion. Got the great male debate as if that one wasn't enough. How about this one?

2:11:37We got some male statistics that you're going to want to hear. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Ride It Nowhere. Mikey's show is myself, Woodsy, Lauren, Sienna, Jay, and Krause. It's Krause! Wow, it keeps getting more and more exaggerated. for those of you that don't know where that stems from we thought we might set it up for you when mike and i worked at a station in dallas 97 won the eagle chris ryan worked right after mikey so mikey'd be cleaning up around the studio and chris would put his headphones on and you know play a metallica song and he'd go 97 won the eagle let's cry and it killed me every time i heard it so

2:13:06Ever since then, if anybody's name is Chris. If anybody's name is Chris, you're going to get... Cross. That's Cross. It kills me. Great Mail Debate 2010. This is from AskMen.com. How important is it to you, dudes, what other people think of your car? Now, here are the options. Oh, my gosh. I'm writing this down. I am aware of how people perceive my car and don't want to be embarrassed by it. Or, I don't really care what people think of my car. Or, I value how people perceive my car and want them to be impressed by it. What do you think the biggest percentage of guys answered? I think we're dealing with guys, so they're going to be like, I don't care. Even though they all care. No, they don't. They all care. No, they don't. But I'm going to say B because they're going to be like, I'm a man. I don't care. I said C. I said A. Let's see. And Jay, do you want to say? Yeah, I say C. You say that they will say, I value how people perceive it and want them to be impressed by it. Yeah, I think it's an extension of their manhood. Okay. Yeah. The winner is Sienna.

2:14:22Wow. I knew it. Liars. Yeah, liars. They're liars. They're not. 42% of men answered, I don't really care what people think of my car. I know, because they're guys, and they need their ego. I do not. I don't care. You guys have all been in my car. But you're an exception. My car is an S-Box. So is mine, but you're an exception. It is a turd farm. I can't stand it. I hate all cars. I don't like spending a nickel on cars. I love cars. I hate them so much. Let's drive a real big truck. You're not into them. Most guys, though. You are an exceptionalist. Oh, dude. I'm like, my car the other day, we were playing baseball and it got hit by a foul ball again. And I was like, oh, great. I mean, I could care less. Let's see. I'm going to try to think of a way to phrase this. Uh-oh. How comfortable are you as a dude having a doctor examine the boys? Let's put it like that. Something we all have to do as men. Allegedly. How comfortable are you? You need two Woods. Yeah, Woods will not. But Woods doesn't go to doctors, period. He doesn't like doctors. Get in here. You know when I'll know I'm sick? When I drop dead. That's how I'll know. Oh, wow. Dude.

2:15:39Watch him outlive everyone. Woods, in that respect, Woods lives his life like it's 1872. Absolutely. We're in Tombstone. That's what my dad says. He goes, you know why I don't want to go? Because then I'll find out something's wrong with me. I don't want to take medicine. My dad, my husband, they're both like that too. Never go to the doctor. Me? I'm like, honey, get the doctor on the phone. See if they could get me in there by 11. I hate it. I hate it because I never know what to do with my insurance card. I don't know if I have to pay. It's a nightmare. Are they on my provider? That's half the battle for me. It's like, are they on our insurance? Am I going to have to pay like $500 to get an MRI? Well, you are anyway. Yeah. It's our insurance. It doesn't matter. But, well, I didn't have a, what do you call it? The regular general. Family practitioner? Yeah, I didn't have it. Primary care physician? Primary care. Didn't have that. Need that. So I just got one and they assigned me one. That's a woman. Oh, boy. Well, I went and she's really cool. They assigned you? Yeah, yeah. They assigned me one. Who assigned it to you? The hospital. When I went into the hospital to get my gut checked. They referred me. They referred me. Are you going back to the woman doctor? Well, that's the thing.

2:16:54I went to see the woman doctor. Did she? I went to the woman doctor. Yeah. And she was really cool. Did she? But I thought to myself, what about... The boys. Yeah. Yeah. That makes my mouth walk. Okay, Jay. That... And you're being inappropriate. Wow. But, I mean, think of all the men that deliver babies every day. I mean, that's the kind of stuff that they'd see. It's repugnant. But what's different for women? Not only that. But if you ladies have a choice with your OBGYN, are you picking Dr. Frederick Stevens or Dr. Janet Stevens? Some women would prefer a man. Whoa, wait, wait, wait. My mom had a dude. My mom had a man. My mom's always had a man. Yeah. What? Some women prefer it. I'm telling you. It's more clinical and it's less like. Tell you what, I go to a proctologist, I'm going to see a dude and not a woman. A hundred. I'm telling you though, I guarantee men, there are more men doctors that do the girl stuff than there are girls.

2:17:55For real? I prefer a woman because I'm like, if I described a certain thing, then she would know. You guys. When will you be a doll? Never. You can't handle the truth. I can't. I have a woman doctor who's going to be delivering the baby. That's how it should be. But if for whatever reason she wasn't there and it was a man, I'd be okay with it. Oh, my God. What? Yeah. I mean, I would want my doctor, obviously. Like, open wide. Here I come. No way. It's a man. That's his job. I know, but I just assumed that women, if they had a choice, would choose a woman. Most doctors that deliver babies are men. Yeah. I don't know. I just thought you guys would choose a girl. I would choose a woman, but a lot of my friends would choose a man. My general doctor is a man. Your genital doctor? You have a genital doctor? What do you mean? My general physician. Yeah. I didn't even know that was a specialty. Stop it, general. Well, here's the deal, Mike. I think that most men would want a male doctor to handle the boys. I understand, but that's not actually the question here. Let me give you the question again. How comfortable do you feel? It says, how comfortable do you feel having a doctor examine the boys? Here are the choices. Somewhat comfortable. I know everyone goes through it. Or B, somewhat comfortable, but it's a little awkward. C, completely at ease. It's a part of going to the doctor. No, I'll take B. I'll take B too. B, B for sure.

2:19:22B is correct. B is correct, yeah. Somewhat uncomfortable. It's a little awkward. There's no one who's like, oh, yeah, I have Adam. Feast on this. What do you think it is? Maybe I shouldn't say that. You probably shouldn't then. You probably shouldn't then. Well, I know that at 40, well, I think at 40 years old, I'm supposed to have, you know, prostate. Yeah, no, I'm not doing it. I am. Terrified. No, it's at 50. You just do it. Oh, it's 50? Yeah, it's 50. He pushed it back. Maybe it'll be 60. No, no, it's 50 because he says, get ready. But, Jay, you've had one before, haven't you? No, never. You have it at 50 unless you have, like, a history in your family. I do. Oh, then you're going to have it at probably 40. Oh, I'm 40. I'll tell you something, man. Like, do it. Just do it. Jamie and I are adopting a baby, and part of that is that you have to go get a physical. And I'm already like... I get a physical every year. Yeah, you should every year. I haven't had a physical since ninth grade baseball. Do you remember that, though? Having to stand in the gym in line in your underwear? And the doctor's just sitting up there. He's just guy after guy. You're just standing in your underwear. Sounds great. Woods, can you turn your head to the left and cough before me, please? Now, what if you had a woman? Oh, yeah. And you're at attention. I'm always afraid that I will...

2:20:41Become attentive. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. How much worse would it be if it happened and it was a dude? Oh. What would it happen? I don't know. Somebody jostling things and you're like, whoa, hey. That's so wrong. That's never happened to me. Maybe not. Well, I know. Maybe not. But still, dude. I mean, Clay Aiken just called and went, dude, that doesn't happen. I don't know. Call in if it has. It hasn't. Call in if it has. I want you to go to the doctor and get it done. And then you just report back and you say it's fine. And it was an hour appointment at most. Then you go treat yourself to an ice cream or something delicious. Oh, my gosh. What, after a woman jassels? No, I'm just saying when you go to those appointments that you don't want to go to, you give yourself a reward afterwards. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. I just want to request of Lauren that whenever she says ever again, jostles, that she not do that thing with her hand. Just tickling grapes. Tickling grapes. It's exactly the motion she just did.

2:21:59It was the most perverted thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, my gosh. Woods. Woods topped it. Weird. Okay. We're all children. Do real men cry? Yes. The choices are yes, but only in response to tragedies like the death of a loved one. B, yes, just not publicly. C, yes, real men aren't afraid to show their emotions. Or D, no, never. What did most men say? I say A. Lauren says they said A. They only cried at like death. I said I think most men say A. My answer is C. Which is? Woodsy's answer is yes, real men aren't afraid to show their emotions. For the record, I agree with that. I'm C as well. I say B, but they cry, but not publicly.

2:22:54Now, everybody has their take on this, okay? Everybody definitely... There's nobody that's really on the fence on this particular question, man or woman. Has a very strong opinion about how you feel about this. However, Lauren was correct. The answer that most men gave was A, yes, but only in response to tragedies. Like the death of a loved one. Are you telling me a man wouldn't cry when they saw Marley and me? Oh my God. No, they would. Weep. Go see Eight Below. Try not to cry. Oh, man. Eight Below. Go try it, pal. Of all movies. Never heard of it. Eight Below. Try it. It has, what's his name? Paul Walker. Yes. Doesn't matter. I care less about him. It's the dogs. It's the most juvenile. It's good. I cried. I weeped. But like, you guys would never like it. Marley and me was on yesterday. I cried. Go see. I still cry at Rudy. Every time I watch Rudy, when he gets that letter, and he finally gets in, and it's his last chance to get into Notre Dame, and he's sitting by the lake, and he opens the letter, and he looks up at the sky, and he starts crying every... I'm like, you did it, man! You freaking did it! And he takes off running. You've never seen it? Never seen it. You have never seen Rudy? I apologize. You're not American. I apologize. I quit. I know.

2:24:15Mike. I waited eight months to tell you. I quit this video. But I figured because we're already in this relationship, you need to know. I've never seen Rudy. I want to see your papers and make sure you're American. Seriously. Are you a Mexican or a Mexicant? Please still love me. That's clownish behavior. You know it. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you. Oscar? You know what? Mikey, come on. Dance. Coil. Coil. I love that intro. Will you please dance? Well, that should be our new intro for the Mikey show, everybody. Mikey, how much would it cost to get... Sorry. How many pesos... Pesos. Pesos, yeah. Would it take? Oh, my gosh. Coil. Can we open the show with that tomorrow? Play it again, Jay. What are they saying? They're not saying anything. It's music. Is this the Mexican hat dance, Mikey? Yes. Yes. But you just call it a sombrero dance. Yeah. That's our doorbell at home. It's your car horn. That would be the best doorbell ever in your house. Honey, can you get that? Play it, Jay. Play it. Honey. Somebody's at the door. I think it's UPS. Honey.

2:25:44Babe, the doorbell is ringing. Babe, he's ringing. Babe, he won't stop ringing. How annoying. So about the cry thing, by the way, I blame my mom. Me too. My mom cries at Sienna. And everything. Your kid. Oh, it's going to be a baller. Whether you had a boy or a girl. My crier, I mean. Your kid will be a. baller they will cry because my mom cried my mom cried at everything it's so funny too because it makes my brother steve angry that you cry no no no when my mom starts crying he goes mom and he gets like all mad really yeah

2:26:36Todd tells me all the time, stop crying. The baby's going to be a crier because you cry all the time. No doubt. No doubt. Yeah. No doubt. I hardly ever saw either one of my parents cry. My mom cried. My dad cried once, I think. Twice. I don't think I've ever even seen my dad cry. I have. I'll be a giant. A couple times. I don't ever want to. Only at funerals I've seen my dad cry. I was never a crier. Then my dad passed away. And they just like open these. I can cry now. The drop of a hat. Something just sad happens. I'm like. Write that down. Sad. I wonder how. And I mean this, like the guys that don't cry, which, by the way, the guys that do not cry, I have found this in life. The guys that do not cry are aggro about it. And, you know, if you do, you're a P word and blah, blah, blah. The reason, I think, is because there's a lot of pent up late stuff in there. Maybe late in homosexuality. Is there really a guy that doesn't cry, though? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, there are guys that don't. I mean, and.

2:27:33I think that there's a lot of stuff in there. So when they do, they go all out. Well, and sometimes it's a sign of weakness or a source of shame. It totally is. I don't get ashamed. You shouldn't be ashamed. I don't. I never am. For me, I actually wonder, how do you keep it? How do you not? Do you think of something else? I open my mouth really wide and I look up. Look away. Yeah. Can we take a picture of you doing that? I cry, like, every day, but I have to, like... Really? Wow. Oh, yeah. Every day? Oh, yeah. It feels good to cry. Wait, what? Yeah. You cry every day? Every day? A little bit at some point. About what? Like, what did you cry about yesterday? Yesterday, my cousin got married a couple weeks ago, two weeks ago, and I didn't get to go to her wedding, and I was looking at her pictures on Facebook yesterday, and I was like, oh, my God. My friend sweet. I did that sweet sweet. I teared up yesterday. My friends had a baby Lucy Elizabeth Bodick back in Dallas and I saw the picture and I was like and I wasn't there for it and all my friends were there and I was like I've known this kid forever I cried yesterday because we're out of mayonnaise Think I won't I will

2:28:54I'll get in a swimsuit. You will not. I will. You don't even go on the beach when there's not leopard sharks there. What are you talking about? I do, too. I've gone with you. Yeah, six months ago. It wasn't six months ago. Three months ago. We haven't been to the beach in 90 days. Hey, maybe the sun comes out every once in a while. Kids have been late. Maybe we'll go today. You're not shooting me with a beanbag. I'll tell you that right now, pal. Okay? You once said you would do anything. I said I would sell out for the show. I didn't say I would do anything for our show. I think I heard him say, I'll do anything for the show. I think you're full of ass. He did. I'll let you shoot me with a BB gun. Oh, a BB gun, fine. You can shoot me with a BB gun today. Not with a freaking bean bag gun. BB gun's worse. No, a bean bag. It can get under the skin. Yeah, dude, it will get under the skin. The pellet. You know what? I'll dress up. You can shoot me with a paintball gun. Yeah. I've done that. I've got a paintball gun at home. I've got my finger on the trigger. Go figure. You ever done that, L.O.B.? Paintball? Nope. You've got to do it with me. Let's all go play paintball. Me and you run in front of a building and they shoot us. Will you do it with me? No, L.O.B. It hurts like crazy. We've been here eight months. She hasn't had to do anything. Eight months. You're such an exaggerator. Seven months. Six. Seven. Six.

2:30:16We've done 122 shows, and you haven't done anything yet. I'm dynamic every day. I'm going to put an apple on her head and shoot it with a bow and arrow. Oh, my gosh. Throw knives at you. I'll go in a shark tank. Yeah. You're going to get a shark tank. Now I've got to build a shark tank. A cage. I'll go in a cage. Santa's like, I'll get shoes from Target. It's not a big deal. I'll do it. I will do it for the show. For the show, I'll wear a dress from Target. Hey, guess who's on the line, by the way? M1 Freak Show from San Diego. Yeah. You guys don't know Freak Show. Freak Show is Mr. Hammer and Nail. Right, Freak Show? That's me. That's a man. Hey, are you going to come to the meet and greet? I am going to come to the meet and greet. You are the man. Okay, wait a minute. Explain to me exactly how this works. He is going to take. Is it a 16 penny nail? It's a 40. Penny nail. What does that mean? What does that mean? To those of us that doesn't know what a nail is. It's huge. It's a huge nail. In comparison, like, pencil? About the size of a pencil. Oh, wow. And the length on that is what? Say again? That's about five inches. It's about five inches. That's about, right? And he takes... She is such a dirty pervert, that girl over there. Dirty, dirty creep.

2:31:40She's sitting over there, too, in her little tie-dye and her sweater. She looks like a librarian, and she comes off with these things. Freak Show? Yes, sir. Takes a giant nail, puts it in his nose, and hammers it in. Like, okay, so the nail goes inside your nostril from underneath. Straight in. And you hammer, like, towards your brain. It doesn't go up. It goes straight back. Holy back. It's crazy. I don't know how it works. You'll see. The meet and greet. Can I bring the tennis rackets too? Yes, you can. And can we videotape you? Where does that go? I don't even want to give all this away. It's so great. Keep that penny nail away from my little dog. Dude, it's so great. Freak Show, can't wait to see you. All right. I love you, man. Come in. This is going to be crazy. We'll see you on Friday. Thanks for coming. I'll get to vomit on my skinny jeans. Maybe he does it before we eat. Yes. It's pretty awesome. Let's see. If my wife had her own band, she's going to call it Velvet Lantern. That's too bad. There's no such thing as a Velvet Lantern. That's true. Not as bad as some of the band names that I've been in, so it's not bad. Give me one. Gypsy Rose. That's pretty bad. That's bad. Okay? That's pretty bad. Gypsy Rose. What would you call your band now, you said? The Darlings. Yeah. Already exists, though, right? Yeah. Damn it.

2:33:10Steve Woods and the Fabulous Thunderbirds. Really? Wow. Just came up with that on the spot. The Fabulous Thunderbirds. Hey, by the way, did I tell you that our boy Jared has a new thing that he's doing? The deal that he did for us where he took a picture and he printed it on canvas and made it look like a painting? It's a really special art. Go to portraitprints.net. It's the coolest thing ever. Our thing looks like the freaking Godfather. I am so excited, yeah. It's amazing. To see that in the office. It's like a gicle or something? Yeah, it's like a gicle. Yeah, I'm sure it is. Portraitprince.net. It is the coolest thing. You give this as a gift to somebody, you will blow their mind. Yep. Because it is. It's very Godfather. Yeah. Ours looks like the Godfather. It looks like the Godfather. It's insane. It's the coolest thing. In fact, I think he was going to put ours up at Portrait Prince.

2:34:10Portraitprints.net. Is it up there? Let me see. I can't wait to hang that up in the new studio. Studio. You guys just hang out in your computer. Hi, everyone. Portraitprints.net. It's not up there yet. Ours is not up there yet. But he's going to put it up there so people can see it. Cool. You got to check it out. It's the coolest thing in the world and you'll love it. Yeah, it is. It's up there. If you click on... Click on what we do. Oh, yeah. What we do. Where is what we do? Right next to home. Oh, I see it. Yeah, click on what we do, and you can see the one that he did at the Mikey show. So cool. It's really rad. It's got a sick dangling real good. Yeah. It's the old woods. The vacation woods. I got a mic in my hand. It's pretty cool. Yes. You haven't seen it. I haven't seen it yet. Isn't that awesome, Jay? Oh, I look good. Yeah, you do. Very cool. Let's do some new releases.

2:35:13You got some new releases, Sienna? Yeah, normally we do it on Tuesday, but we've had a lot going on. So we do it today. So out this week, Black Label Society, Order of the Black. Soothing. Soothing. It's like a lullaby. It's like something you want to take a bath. Hot bath. They play this in my nail salon. They light candles and they play this. This is spa music. Oh, you're so pretty. You're so pretty. Can you turn that up just a little bit? Can I just turn that up a little? This next one? Camp Rock 2, the final jam. It's Camp Rock. The Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato. Oh, wow. I'm just doing the new releases, people. That's enough. I didn't make this up. It's got a good melody. Is this downloadable now? Yeah.

2:36:25She doesn't know I'm gay. What to do? I'm in the closet. The Goo Goo Dolls waiting for the rest of it. In. Privately. In. Privately. Privately. All the way in. Wow, that doesn't sound like that. It sounds just like Gap Rock. No. This is why Woods is so hard to figure out. I know. Because, dude, I could picture Woods going, Mikey! Oh, no! Always been a real closeted Goo Goo Dolls fan. Okay, but if he would have said, this is the new Hanson single, you've been like, done. Of course. Like, the Goo Goo Dolls and Camp Rock 2 really didn't sound that much. Yeah, that's not a good Goo Goo Dolls song. No, that's a good Goo Goo Dolls song. They're all good. Nick Drake is out. You don't have any argument for me, man. I love the Goo Goo Dolls.

2:37:24Maybe change your name to a cooler sound. Yeah, maybe don't call yourself the Goo Goo Dolls. It's so stupid. The Goo Goo Dolls. Nick Drake, the digital box set, is out. In. In. Are you kidding me? Nick Drake. He's great, dude. I feel like I should be doing yoga. No, he is. I like his earlier stuff. It's all earlier. I took a dirt nap about 30 years ago. It's a digital box set. I like his anthology. This is like yoga class. No, it's like a hot bow. Little lovemaking session. No big deal. Can't even stay quiet. Little lovemaking session. Yeah, Mike, I just like to make love to that. Oh my gosh. I feel like I know Lauren so much better now. Really, Lauren O'Brien? This is Lauren O'Brien's lovemaking music. Guys, you may be able to write this down. That was Nick Drake, the digital box set. She's going to get a skosh of them in the mail. Why do I keep saying skosh?

2:38:29I meant a cachet. That's what I meant. Not any better. Do you make love at abandoned gas stations? Sometimes. In El Paso? I think it was Nebraska. This is weird. Creepy. You know what, Mike? I like to make loves where there's bats. What? are you talking about? She's like on a field. Sometimes I go to caves. Yeah, spelunking. Hey, anywhere there's room. Eli of Paperboy Reed, come and get it. I'm out. Is that what makes love to? Yeah, that's what I make love to. Do you get it? Still trying to recover. Lee Scratch Perry Revelations. Mike, is this yours? Oh, this is when I eat mushrooms, too. I make love to this as well. Oh, my God. It's reggae, Mike. Yeah, I'm on.

2:39:59I feel like I just got off the carnival boat. And we have eight hours to enjoy this really humid place. And then we have to be back on the boat again. I've been really nervous about reading this next one. It's by Brad and it's Best Friends? It's by Brad. It says Brad and the album is Best Friends? Stone Gossard from Pearl Jam. It's his band. Best Friends? Why a question mark? What's your problem? I'm really relaxed. It sounds like fish. It's good. Yeah. Breathing in. I think what I'd like to breathe in is the hose that I just attached to my exhaust pipe. Yay, Sayer. Matter Red. Welcome to Iceland, everyone.

2:41:21While you're enjoying the tour of the volcano today, make sure you eat it. There it is. The Charlie Daniels band, The Land That I Love. I was raised on beans of cornbread. Yeah. Cornbread. Yes, I am. Think that guy's ever had an ice cold beer? That is the greatest line ever. Holy cow. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, percentage of chance that that voice has never enjoyed an ice cold beer. Is that a beta hook? So dumb. And out on DVD this week. Children.

2:42:11Date Night is out with Steve Carell and Tina Fey. Death at a Funeral with Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, and Children of Invention with no one I've ever heard of. You think that guy knows how to bait a hook? It's a great song. Holy cow. This is the number one rock song in the country. One Republic Secret. So good. I just want some cornbread. The best one on there. Number 14 or 13? 13. Oh, yeah. Get your tight jeans on. Juice up the Camaro. It's 1984 again. Feather your hair. Feather your hair up real good, L.O.B. I like the dynamite thong better. I would like to see what L.O.B. and Sienna would look like if for a day they did their hair all 80s down. Crimped up real good. We look awesome. Like all, you know, like the big hair. I'm from New Jersey. Did you ever do that? Yeah. You did? No. Of course. How do you... You crimped it? Oh, yeah. I had a crimper and my bangs.

2:44:04Or like a wall. How do you actually do it? The crimper? No, no, no. The bangs? The big hair. Tease it. How do you do big hair? Yeah, you tease it and you use a lot of Aquanet. With a round brush? Yeah, you can use a round, like a bristled brush. Tell me in a New Jersey accent. Yeah, you can do it with like a round bristled brush. Just take out a piece of hair like this and then go pull it out and then go up like that. Up and down a bunch. Yeah. What do you spray? Aquanet. You spray that directly. You hold it out and spray it with the Aquanet? Then you spray it and you shake it out like that. Just tease it. You can use a pic to tease it with it, you know. Maybe you do that tomorrow. No way. Maybe you do that to meet and greet. Did you have any girlfriends that talk like that or did all your girlfriends? No, it's different in South Jersey. That's crazy. That is a different accent than we use here. In South Jersey, they say things like, well, they say, yeah. Yeah. Sandwich. No, not sandwich. That would make me crazy. Don't they say sandwich in New Jersey? They say water. Water. That accent to me is not feminine. Dated one. You did, dude? Her name was Danielle Nitti. Dated her in college. I remember that story. Kill him. The southern accent on a girl is gorgeous. I love it. But that particular accent sounds like she's going to fight me with her fists. Yeah. You know what I mean? Meet and greets Friday.

2:45:35It's going to be at the Tipsy Crow, and the guys have to wear, the guys on the show have to wear skinny jeans. Mine aren't ready yet, though, so I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. You guys, they're going to be there, and they're going to be phenomenal. I need to try them on, you guys. Yeah, I do, too. Of course I do. I would feel better if you, yeah. Because, I, because. What if they don't fit? I mean, I can't wear them. Yeah, if they don't fit, I can't wear them. Actually, let's not try them on. Then we'll be like, it didn't fit. We couldn't wear them. You try them on and we supervise. No! That's supervising. After you come out of the dressing room. Wow. I'm not wearing skinny jeans. In order to put skinny jeans on, you have to sit down because you have to put your foot really carefully in there. I wear skinny jeans. Just wiggle into them. Oh my gosh. Wiggle. I'll wear my Kings of Leon shirt with him. There you go. To be perfect. It's the Queens of Leon. I'm gonna, is it? It's the second, it will be the second most embarrassing thing than my Michael Shannon moment where I accidentally had pee-pee on my, on my pants. With your suspenders and your beret. I didn't wear a beret. You know damn well you had a beret on. Yeah, the fake glasses. Tortoise shell fake glasses. Fake tortoise shell glasses. No prescriptions.

2:46:59Introducing Judy Collins. While people drank wine. At a vineyard, right? Wine spritzers. A wine festival. At a vineyard. At a vineyard. A vineyard. Have you guys seen the tape of the chick in Ohio that didn't get her chicken McNuggets and freaked out? Saw it last night, immediately put it on my blog. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, before we do this, because the poor guy's been waiting, M1 Omar from Chula Vista, are you there? Yes, I am. What was the word of the day? Lantern. You are correct, sir. Oh, you're a saint of this thing on the line. That's right. Hey, you're going to see the Chargers and the Bears, dude. Congratulations. Can't wait. Thanks, guys. You got it. Did we already get your info? Oh, yeah, you did. Okay, cool, man. All right. Congrats. Love you, pal. Love you. So, I've seen the video of this woman freaking out, but I don't know exactly the details and why she freaked out and all that stuff. Well, she freaked out because she couldn't get Chicken McNuggets, of course.

2:47:51That's why? They didn't have the Chicken McNuggets? She was driving through in the morning. This actually happened early on New Year's Day, but because the video was just released earlier this week because it's just now become public record. But what happened is there's this woman in a drive-thru. She gets out of her car and up to the window where there's an employee at the window. You first see the customer sock the employee in the side of the head. The employee backs up and then is no longer on the camera. And they're saying in this article, that it's another employee that comes up, but I think it's the same girl. And she gets hit again, and she tries to close the window so that this customer can't keep attacking her. And the girl throws the window open, punches her, punches her, punches her. Finally, the employee gets the window shut, and she goes in her car and gets something and throws it through the glass, breaks the glass, gets back in her car and drives up. And my favorite part of the video is that another car just pulls up right next to it. Can I get my fruit pie, please? I'm like, what were you doing this whole time, dude? Waiting for their fruit pie? I know. Yeah, they drove up to the window and went, does this mean that you're closed? Yeah. Can I still get my number one? Yeah. So, I mean, it may have been two workers that got hit, but to me it looked like it was the same person. What do you think?

2:49:13The penalty, the punishment. Freaking assault and battery, dude. She should go to prison. Prison? You can't just walk up cold cock people anymore. Like the good old days. This did happen on New Year's Day, so she was drunk. She did get arrested. She was sentenced to 60 days in jail last month in order to pay McDonald's for the broken window. If you ask me, she should have been in there longer. If you see this, this girl goes nuts. I hope that Mayor McCheese throws the book. She's like the Hamburglar. She's like the Hamburglar. When you see her actually go back in her car and throw something through the glass window and it shatters, it's like... Crazy. You're nuts. Crazy. Yeah. How hungry were you? How bad do you want those chicken nuggets? I brought one in to eat, man. She was hungry and she was not taking no for an answer. Well, it was in the morning, so they didn't have chicken nuggets. Yeah, she was out from the night before. Could be a crackhead. Fair enough. Pretty sure it was. Probably went to another McDonald's.

2:50:05got them, and then Matt ate them. Yeah, just... I'll show you. If you haven't seen it, it's on my blog, and it's nuts. How good does McNuggets sound? Am I the only one? Maybe we go split a 20-pack. Split. And by split, I mean eat it ourselves. And by split, you're like... Hillary's in here. Hi, Hill. I'm sure that Chicken McNuggets sound delicious to you, right? I'm sure she loves Chicken McNuggets. She's getting nauseous. You get a little film out there. Oh, it's so good. Some honey mustard. Just dunk it in there. It's good. Delicious. When was the last time you had a Chicken McNugget? 18 years ago. 1985. No, you know what? Yeah, it's been a while. I don't mind being a McDonald's fry, though, every once in a while. So salty. Oh, and a hot apple pie. Those I'll take any day of the week. Those things, they come out of the oven so freaking hot, and you buy the first bite, you're like, oh, dude, go! But you want it so bad that you just power through it. Lava pours into your tongue. I've never had one of those.

2:51:10But they're so good. They're so good. Maybe somebody brings us some McDonald's. Please. We'll be here for hours today. Can I just ask you? When you're a kid, is there anything more delicious than McDonald's? Let me ask you something. When you're 35, is there anything more delicious than McDonald's? You realize since I started dieting, I have to pass one on the way home. And I pass and I'm like... I'll see you soon. See you soon. I told Mikey this. You and me. We got it. I didn't even tell anybody else this. I snuck my ass into McDonald's about a week ago, and I sat down and had a feast. And I didn't tell my wife. I didn't tell anybody. I got home. She's like, are you hungry? I was like, I'm not really hungry. I ate late lunch. Who sat down in McDonald's? LLB, I took the paper. He meant business. I had the whole thing. Wow. Big Mac, fries, Big Coke. Sometimes you need to do it and indulge. I know. Hill, what do you got coming up today? You know, I just grabbed a bunch of stuff that seems like it'd be good music for an L.O.B. lovemaking session. Real nice and calm. Is it some old country? By the way, though, while we were driving, while I was driving listening to you guys and you played the Nick Drake, I was like, mmm.

2:52:26Yeah. Because I love Nick Drake. That makes my mouth water. Said what I was thinking. See? So I'm in. Birds of a feather. You guys are freakishly alike. It's true. Oh, my God. Little Nick Drake. You know what's another good one? Massive Attack Mezzanine. Oh, yeah. Get some. Mike, you just looked at Hillary like, what did you say? Mike, you know what other stuff I like to screw to? What time is it? Oh, wow. What else? What do you got? White stripes, the wigs, sleigh bells. I love the new sleigh bells record. So something from that too. Now I'm blushing. Yeah, speaking of. That's okay. Speaking of slaying. And what else you got, Bill? She's blushing. She's fanning herself off. Hillary doesn't blush often, but we got her blushing. Woo! There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Stick around, and we will come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. We'll do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out. Thank you.