The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/11/11
Thursday, August 11, 2011
acid refluxnexiumdoctor visitshandful ticket giveawayutc food court girlfrienddirty triviagrim sleeperofficer henwood motorcadecorey haim deathcorey feldman molestationlob lovemaking playlistairsoft pistol trivia
The show opened with Mikey detailing his acid reflux struggle and the costly Nexium refill process, sparking a conversation about doctor visits and money. Later, the hosts ran a commercial‑free block sponsored by Sony’s 30 Minutes or Less, during which they played a dirty trivia game with Jay, punished wrong answers with airsoft pistol shots, and revealed Lauren O’Brien’s private lovemaking playlist, causing on‑air embarrassment. Throughout the broadcast they also covered serious topics such as the Grim Sleeper serial killer case, a planned motorcade for Officer Jeremy Henwood, and the allegations surrounding Corey Haim’s death linked to Hollywood molestation claims.
What happened, in order
Acid Reflux & Nexium
Mikey describes his acid reflux diagnosis, the Nexium prescription, and his frustration with costly doctor visits and the perceived money‑driven nature of follow‑up appointments.
Handful Ticket Giveaway
Mikey announces the word of the day "handful" and offers Chargers Seahawks tickets to caller nine, while beginning the story about a listener’s girlfriend at the UTC food court.
Dirty Trivia Setup
The hosts tease Jay about playing a dirty trivia game covering Playboy and adult topics, setting up the upcoming airsoft‑penalty round.
Grim Sleeper Serial Killer
Mikey, Woods, and Lauren discuss the Lonnie David Franklin case, noting over 200 suspected murders and the nickname "Grim Sleeper."
Officer Henwood Motorcade
Mikey announces an upcoming police motorcade for fallen Officer Jeremy Henwood, departing Qualcomm Stadium for a service at Rock Church.
Corey Haim Death Allegations
Mikey and Lauren discuss Corey Haim’s death, citing Corey Feldman’s claims that a Hollywood mogul’s molestation contributed to the tragedy.
L.O.B.’s Lovemaking Playlist
Lauren reveals her private "Ainge" lovemaking playlist, prompting embarrassment and playful teasing from Mikey, Woods, and Jay.
Airsoft Dirty Trivia
Jay answers a series of adult‑trivia questions with airsoft pistol penalties for wrong answers, ultimately getting the final question about the Kama Sutra correct.
People mentioned
mikeywoodslauren r. o'brienj. safar isbellchrish.m. rojasbrendancorey haimcorey feldmanjanet rifkindanny mcbrideaziz ansarigeorge lopezconan o'brien
34,868 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Mikey Show. M1 Nation is Mikey Show listeners, and the phone lines are open for you right now. 570-1949. Give us a call. And you can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Found out yesterday that, well, I didn't find this out yesterday. I found out a year ago that I have acid reflux. Woods. You do too. Although, Woods, you've never seen a doc about it because you don't like doctors. Right. I went to a doc, and this is precisely why you don't like doctors. Because they said, all right, you got to go to a special doctor, and they're going to stick a camera down your throat into your stomach. Yep. And that's what you don't like. Yeah, I don't need that. I don't like it either. I got these little guys right here. You got Tums, and he'll just take Tums every single day, Woods will. I will not be getting osteoporosis, my friend. I promise you. Yeah, you got enough calcium in your system. For four men. Yeah. Those aren't good for you. Oh, boy. So anyway.
I went to the GI doctor, the gastrointestinal doctor, and he put me on Nexium. And I was out of it, so I called my pharmacist, and they said, you're out of refills. We'll call your doctor. I'm like, great. So I don't hear from them. And so I called them back and said, everything cool? Doctor do his thing? No. No, he didn't. In fact, he turned it down. He says, you have to make an appointment. I go, oh, gosh. So I call over there, and I go. What do I got to make an appointment for? They said, well, after a year, they just want to make sure everything's the same. Really? It's about money. Scratch, dude. That's what it's about. It's about money. No. Come on, guys. You guys sweet. You're sweet kids. It's about money. They're going to put me right back on the medicine. Everything feels the same. Yes, it does. Great. What if everything came undone and you thought, how did you not catch this? Yeah. If everything came undone, I'd call them. If something was wrong, I'd call them. You might not know it would be a slow tear. The only way that I would believe that, Jay and L.O.B., is if this visit were free. Right. But it isn't. It costs hundreds of dollars. Nothing in life is free. Yeah, right. Right. So he's making dough. Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, I got to take time. It takes a long time. I don't want it. I would bet that he told you there were certain things that you should be doing.
To change your lifestyle. And I would bet that you have not changed those things in your lifestyle. Jay! That's a great bet. Inspector Clouseau. That is a great bet. Listen, if I were a betting man and didn't know the truth, I would say, I'm on Jay's side. I want some of that action. Right. But the truth is, no. He said, yeah, you have acid reflux. Take Nexium. Isn't Nexium supposed to heal it? Nexium coats your stomach. With a protective layer of medicine. Right. And it works. And it's supposed to, from what I heard, because I'm an expert on heartburn and acid reflux and all that bit. Like if I look at lemonade, I get heartburn. That's how bad I get it. If I look at it, I get it. And I heard NXIVM will actually heal you over time. But it's not, I guess you have to keep taking it. Yeah, well. So do you have acid reflux right now? I think it's in my head. Well, that and. You might feel that beginning stage. It doesn't happen in my stomach. I feel it all the time, the beginning stage. For me, it happens in my throat. I initially went in there going, I have throat cancer. God's punishing me for something I did years ago. And figured there was something wrong with my throat. No, it originates in the stomach. I'm Mike. I'm the host of the show. And I'm 41. Woods is our sports guy. He's 36.
Good friend and a handsome fellow. That's right. And our assistant producer and local comedian is Lauren R. O'Brien. What are you sniggling at with? L-O-B. I'm in a good mood today. The girl to my right. She's 30 years of age. And J. Safar Isbell is 48 years of age. And he is separated by glass. Thank goodness. Or he might attack. He's kind of like a criminal. Yeah. You look at him like Lecter. Should be big, drilled holes for his oxygen in that glass. He should have that mask that presses his nose down. That looks like a football face mask, but presses his nose down with the one bar. That's right. And our phone screener is Chris. That's gross. And Chris, a young man. He's 22. He answers the phones and screens phone calls for us. Hello.
And let's see. Now, the word of the day today is handful. And when I say that between now and ten, if you're caller nine, you get to go to the Chargers Seahawks game tonight. Rad. How about that? Only thing is, you'll have to come and get the tickets today at the radio station because you're going to see the game tonight. Oops. There it is. Very nice. Now, today is a huge day. First of all, I hope there's enough people listening right now that originally heard this. The guy that called us and said, something's up. My girlfriend works at UTC shopping mall, takes her lunch every day at the food court. I called her. I said, hey, what are you doing? And she goes, I'm sitting here like a dork by myself eating lunch. And he walks around the corner and he's going to surprise her and say, look to your left. But when he walks around the corner, he sees that she's sitting there with a guy. And so he calls us. We call her and she says, I don't know what all the big deal is. That guy is a guy that I work with and he's gay. So what do you know? The only reason I didn't tell you that I was sitting there with somebody is because you're jealous. She said, if you don't believe me, why don't you come to lunch today and you can meet him? And that guy.
apparently is going to be on today at 8.30. We wanted to get him yesterday, but we could not. So he will be on today. I'm jealous. Here's the big thing that's going on today. Sony is a great company. They got a new movie coming out, and the new movie is called 30 Minutes or Less. And they are a great company. This movie comes out tomorrow, and what they have done... to advertise this, to me, is groundbreaking and awesome. They have now bought two spots on The Mikey Show today. Yeah, baby. Come on. Come on. Look at you. And what they've done is they've bought 30-minute slots for the tie-in, 30 minutes or less. So the first one is going to take place.
Between 7 and 7.30. Now, what this means is they bought a chunk of the Mikey show, meaning that we don't have to go to commercial. So from 7 to 7.55 this morning, no commercials, just us. All morning, you know, from 7 to 7.55. But then at 8.30, we're going to do it again. So from 8.30 to 9.20, 9.25, somewhere around in there. No commercials. Winning. Your Mikey show with no commercials. How great is that? It's like our spring training for Mikey-thon. We're in training camp today. Yes. We're going to give it to you real good. It's like we had a company called Seal Fit on the other day, and that company gets you ready to try out for the Navy SEALs. Yeah. We're getting you ready today for Mikey-thon. Yeah. Wow. And the way that we're doing it is by staying on the air. Now, this is going to...
This is going to be pretty cool for a lot of you because, you know, a lot of you go, I wish you guys never had to take a break. Now, if we have to pee during that period of time, we'll just have to get up and go do that. And we'll just have to say, hey, man, I got to go. You know, can you guys do something here? You know, just talk till I get back, whatever. And same with you guys. You guys got to go. You got to go. I brought a big bottle. You did? Just in case. Oh, wow. Well, but that won't have to be that big. I don't think that'll work because you sit next to L.O.B. Yeah. Well, she just turns a little bit to her left and I turn a little to my right. And if you guys can block out the sound, then we're all good. How are you with that, though, L.O.B.? She had brothers. Yeah, but my brothers never dropped trowel and peed in front of me. Just right in front of her, you know. That doesn't really make a difference. That'd be kind of weird. Kind of strange, wouldn't it? 570-1949 is our number.
and we want to hear from you. So call us up or text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. We all got to put on our Twitter that this is happening. I want to tweet about it and let people know, get it out there to our social networks. So there you go. 7 to 755 will be the first commercial free this morning. And then again, 8.30 to about 9.20. Let's call it 9.20. Let me write that down. Let's call it 9.20. Maybe even later, though. Commercial free. Why? The movie 30 minutes or less. They're buying 30 minute time slots from a Sony is because of this movie. How rad. It's brilliant. It is brilliant. Who's that genius that came up with that? I don't know, but I want to kiss him right on the mouth. Or her. Let's see. So. The Charger game is tonight. Yes. They did sell the tickets. There is no blackout. It'll be on tonight on ESPN. 5 p.m. is the start time. It is going to be awesome. We were all so worried that there would be no football this year. And now that there's football.
I'm excited for preseason. Yeah. There are so many cool things to watch tonight. I mean, again, it's a preseason game. You're not going to see Phillip Rivers in there much. You're not going to see Ryan Matthews probably at all. At all, you think? Well, I've heard a couple conflicting reports. He's banged up just a little bit. He's a little sore. He's been missing a lot of practice. And so you may see him very, very little. Maybe a few carries is what I read. I'm worried about the ankle. The ankle apparently is okay. I've heard hamstring. I've heard slight discomfort and things like that. And, you know, the first preseason game with not a lot of lead-in time. You don't want to risk anything. But there are some good young players that these guys got. Some really good young players. Marcus McNeil, you will not see. He had surgery to repair bone spurs that were in his left knee. He's only going to be out a couple preseason games. But, you know, that's Phillip Rivers, blindside protector, man. You know, we need to get him back. But he's obviously there for the season. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's going to miss the first two preseason games. And, you know, you got Takeo Spikes, new Charger, who has just endeared himself.
to that whole team, Bob Sanders, which is going to be rad to see that guy healthy and out there banging people around. One of the things that's cool about Takeo Spikes is they say that he is, like Woodsy was kind of leading into, is that he's supposed to be a big-time leader. Huge leader. Take these young dudes and really just, you know. forge them into steel. Yeah, man. And, you know, I heard a couple people say, well, this doesn't do much for me, this signing. Listen, if this guy can make our young players better, it's absolutely worth the money. And the guy is still a hard-hitting tackler, dude. Watch him tonight, and then we'll make our judgments tomorrow. But it's going to be a lot of fun to watch, man. And I'm really excited about Charger football. It is here. It is here. They're still wearing the tight pants, right? And there are several African Americans out there. Ella B. Ella B will be real happy about that. You'll be in. Ella Bree. You will see, Mike, our number one draft pick, Corey Leggett out there cracking heads tonight. Yeah. Marcus Gilchrist, too, is another young rookie. So all these guys, man, are going to be a lot of fun to watch. And, you know, let's hold our breath. Hopefully everybody comes through it injury-free, my friend. So you know how?
We have the thing where we gave Woods some football trivia the other day. And we had seven questions. We asked Woods these trivia questions. And Woods was in a face-protecting helmet standing against the wall. We were about 25 yards away. That far? No. How far? 15 yards away. 15 yards away. And we had airsoft pistols. They hurt. Little rubber things they shoot out. They hurt bad. And we gave Woods trivia questions. And if he got them right, then he was cool. If he got them wrong, then we shot with the airsoft pistols. Three of you. Yeah, three of us at the same time. So Woods says... I think it would be a good idea if we played the same game, but we played it with Jay. Yes. And I said, hey, that is a good idea. Is it? Is it a good idea? Firing squad. Yes. Because, you know, Jay has his fun with us. We have our fun with Jay. And today we are going to be doing dirty trivia. What does Jay know more about than anything? Dirty stuff. Creepy stuff. Yeah. So we'll ask him. Positions. Yeah.
No, Jay, no. No, it is no. It's not that kind of stuff. No, it isn't. Well, I know a lot about those, though. Okay. That's good for you. Great. Congrats. And maybe your wife. Congratulations. But what we are going to be asking is questions about, like, you know, Playboy. Dirty stuff. Yeah. I don't think I'll do well at that. You don't? I'm worried now. I thought it was, you know, just simple, you know, like. How to pleasure. Trust me, it is a lot of very basic and general knowledge. Oh, then I'm definitely in trouble. How to pleasure. How many? Seven? Oh, man. Seven. Yes, seven. Gear up. Except don't cheat. You guys know about this serial killer in Los Angeles. Crazy. They call him the Grim. Sleeper. Of course. Yeah, every serial killer has to have a name. But anyway, they are saying that this dude, his name is Lonnie Franklin Jr. Now, well, if you have to do the official thing, all serial killers and all people arrested must have three names. That's the bit. Excuse me. Lonnie David Franklin.
It can't be Mark Chapman. It's got to be Mark David Chapman, you know? John Wayne Gacy. Exactly. It's always the three-name bit, even though nobody's ever known them like that. But anyway, Lonnie David Franklin, they're now looking at about 230 murders that they believe may be connected to this dude. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, because what's happening is they took a bunch of pictures. They took a bunch of videos and stuff like that. In fact, 180 videos and photos were taken from his house. Holy cow. And now they're thinking, I don't know, maybe a quarter of them could be identified as some of his victims. Holy cow. Yeah. That is astounding. That's an astounding number. Absolutely. Females would range in age anywhere between 14 and 36 years old. And it happened between 1985 and January of 2007. Most of the victims were prostitutes. And most of them were dumped in South L.A. He would put them in alleys and cover them up with debris. All of them were shot. But.
Apparently, there is a couple that they believe may have been strangled, but most of them were shot. And again, this dude is called the Grim Sleeper. Why? Because it happened when they were asleep. And obviously, they'll be seeking the death penalty on a case like that. But anyway, this guy is pretty gnarly. And today, by the way, is going to be the motorcade for Officer Henwood. He is the officer that was killed just a few days ago. We talked about this. The guy apparently wanted to kill himself and he was going to do it by using police. Mission accomplished. Yeah, mission accomplished. But anyway.
He went to an In-N-Out burger, shot a guy that was just sitting in his car. The guy's doing okay, right? I wouldn't say okay. He's in the hospital, and they're hoping for his folder coverage. But he's alive. Went on to shoot and kill Officer Jeremy Henwood. So there's going to be a motorcade, a police and fire department, even military vehicles. Today, leaving Qualcomm at 8.30 this morning. And excuse me, not excuse me. It's tomorrow. I'm very sorry. This is tomorrow. And they're going to go to the Rock Church for a 10 a.m. service. But that's happening tomorrow. Sorry about that. And it starts at 830 Qualcomm. And again, it's for Officer Jeremy Henwood, which is I think it's really great that they're honoring him in a very public way like that. M1.
Is this H.M. Rojas? It is. It's H.M. Rojas. Little Angel. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Just kind of got up, starting to work. Are you calling us? I haven't really called you guys in a while. Calling us from Costa Rica, right? Yep, still here. Yeah, M1HM Rojas is a really cute girl that's a listener of ours, and she goes to school, or do you work down there? Oh, I work here. She works there, and she's in Costa Rica. You still dating that doctor? No. No, we're just friends now. Oh, boy. Are you guys friends, or do you even talk anymore? No, we're friends. It's really weird. We're like completely platonic, but we still hang out a lot. No benefits? No benefits. No exams? It's not... I think it's better that way. So how's your love making down there is what I want to know. HM, are you comfortable with that relationship? I am. I really wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him. I don't trust him. Now that I know him as a friend, I know I wouldn't date him. Who wanted the friend thing? Him or you?
I told him, I was like, you know what, I actually think we would be better as friends. And he was okay with that because he really didn't want a relationship because he's shady. Yeah. And once you did that, did he start coming clean about his shadiness? Yeah, more or less. I mean, he's still really flirty and all that, but I'll just... Well, he's a man after all. Yeah. You know, still looking for a way in. Right. Yeah. Well, so what were you calling us about, HM? Oh, I'm calling to say hi. I haven't called in a while. And I, well, Chris told me you guys aren't ready to reveal this, but I just was looking at tickets and getting a little homesick for San Diego and In-N-Out and all that stuff. So I don't know. I was thinking like end of September. I'm not sure if you guys have anything fun going on.
I think maybe you're trying to hint around to try to find out and get any information about when the next Mikey-thon is going to be. And by the way, there are a lot of people that have been sniffing around the Mikey-thon lately. They want to know, when's Mikey-thon? And the answer to that is... We'll tell you when we're ready. USOB. Yeah. You know, obviously, yeah, it's going to be sometime within the next few months. But what it is, is we go on the air for it. We used to call it the 28-hour show. But we don't call it that anymore because we're not at the other station. We're at this station, FM 94.9, and we call it Mikey-thon. And it's 28 hours of a straight broadcast with no music, no commercials, nothing but us. 28 straight, and yeah, we'll be making that announcement sometime soon, and you'll be one of the first to know, HM. Oh, yeah? Yeah, you will. Yeah, Jay will send you a private message, I'm sure. Of course he will. Doing it now. And by that, what Woods meant was Jay will take a nude Polaroid and send it to you. He's already got that. We love you, HM. We love you, kids. Thank you. Love you guys. All right, we'll see you. Little angel.
Do not forget, we are about... How far away are we? One hour from our 30-minute? Is it... Starts at... I don't know. We're less than that. Half an hour. Yes, sir. We are 30 minutes away. Feast. 30 minutes away from kicking it off. 7 to 7.55 this morning. And then again from 8.30 to 9.20. Commercial free. I got a boonoo. Oh, yeah. We got so much stuff. Apparently, Corey Haim died, and everybody thought at first that it was because of drugs and all this stuff. Well, you know, he was real good friends with Corey Feldman. Corey Feldman goes on ABC's Primetime Nightline, and he starts talking about all of this crazy stuff, like part of the reason that Corey Haim committed suicide.
was because, he says, of molestation by a Hollywood mogul. And I got clips of it where he talks about it and also clips about Rebecca Black, the Friday... Is she pregnant? Whoa. We'll give you her discussing it coming up next. Skeletor, that's Terminator's wife. Think you got something worth adding to the monkey show? At 949mikey at gmail.com. That's all I wanted to hear. Or call Mikey now, 570-1949. I don't like how this is already beginning. FM9. If you ever have too many shows that you've scheduled for one time, you can't record them all, that's pretty frustrating, isn't it? Well, with AT&T U-verse.
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We can give you more Mikey with no commercials. Tune in this morning at 8.30 a.m. for 30 minutes of uninterrupted Mikey. Brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. This report, it's brought to you by IHOP. Kids eat free at IHOP every day in August from 4 to 10 p.m. They also get a free activity booklet loaded with back-to-school savings. There's no better way to make it an IHOP day at participating restaurants. Well, we've got some slowing here as you come through the 67 northbound Wintergarden Boulevard down to about 23 miles an hour. Big stretch here on the 52 westbound from the 163 south all the way down to Mass Boulevard. It's in the mid-20s off and on. And the drive all the way up into Lemon Grove, it's a... tough one too the 94 eastbound euclid avenue uh all the way down to about college avenue broadway speeds are in the teens this report brought to you also by brandman university part of the chapman university system a non-profit school they're focused on working adults visit brandman.edu to learn more brandman university do better i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9
Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Jay, Jay doesn't wear, you don't wear deodorant, right? Sometimes I do. Don't you rub stones under your pits? I have a stone I like to rub. He's a very natural guy. But Woodsy. You use, because you're very, you have sensitive skin. Yes. And so you use a more pH balanced. Oh my gosh. Female. I wasn't going to say that. Nice Bieber. But, can I see that? Yeah. Woods, can I see that? Yeah. Can I see it? Yeah. Yeah. Can I see that? Yeah, you got it. Yeah, he just went getting reluctant to give it up. He's got it right here. How's one for work? Yeah, I forget sometimes in the morning. Suave.
24-hour protection powder. This is a woman's... It doesn't say anything about being a woman's on there. We've seen the commercials. You've seen secret commercials. Those are pH balance, but you've never... That's a suave. It's a baby blue container. Sure. I like that. The font is feminine, and the words powder and the label are pink. Do you wear powder? No. You don't. I do. Well, I do. I wear men's ball of powder for my boys. Okay. Because it keeps me dry downstairs, which is good. Well, yeah, but it's a man's powder. Right. It says man on it. Well, women don't have balls, so. Well, yeah, that's the deal. I mean, it says ball of powder on there. Right. I mean, it's in the name. No, I know. I have it too. You bought it for me. Yes. That's great. I did. But the reason I'm asking, it's hard for guys to try something new. Right? Oh, yeah. We don't like to. I tried a can of. Deodorant. I know, Woods. Oh, no, you didn't, dude. Yeah. Were you in a DeLorean in 1987? Did you get the DeLorean back up? No, man. And I get where you're coming from. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Yes. Terrible. Bad for the environment. It would. Oh, boy. CFCs. Yeah. Who cares? Oh, I care. Oh, God. LLB, what does CFC stand for? Chlorofluorocarbon. I don't know. Sounds good.
It sounded good. Where's that one cave dweller? I don't know. Yeah, where is he? It burns. It burns. Check it out, dude. Last time I used a can of men's spray deodorant, maybe 15 years ago, longer. Right guard, right? Right guard. When's the last time you did that? Oh, dude. I mean, I realized in eighth grade, I can't use these. Eighth grade? Yeah, eighth grade. Okay. Yeah. So that would have made you 13. Yeah. Okay. So that was 20 years ago. Yeah. 23 years ago. 23 years ago. Woodsy. Apparently this stuff's come a long way. Here. Me. This stuff comes a long way. I take the can. I lift my little Mexican pit. I go, I can't feel anything. I look at it. I'm like, is this broken? And I can see it coming out. But I can't feel anything. Dude, it smelled good. And it kept me like dry, you know, no sweating all day long. I'm like, I asked my wife, I'm like, will you pick me up a can of Right Guard 3D? Is that what it's called? Yes. 3D. It's rad. You don't feel it. Like there's no wet. There's not even a powder feel. You don't even feel air going up against, you know, like when you spray from a can, you'd think you're going to feel something. And it didn't, but you can smell it and you know it's there.
And you stay dry and clean and like, I would never use a can. You know where I used it? The spa. I went to that spa with my wife. They had a can in there. I took a shower. I got out. Oh, by the way, real quickly, real quickly, real quickly. When I was there, the spa was really nice at this place. And they have curtains that you can, you know, you go in there, you take a shower, you pull the curtain. Okay. There was a guy, white guy, obviously, middle-aged white guy. He's taking a shower. He doesn't draw the curtain. Sex pervert. Now, my wife goes, oh, babe. I said, babe, I think he's a pervert. She goes, what are you talking? He is. I said, babe, do you... Okay, listen. When you go into a shower... at a public place like that, you have a choice. Yep. And the choice is pull the curtain or don't pull the curtain. Right. Now, if one has the choice of privacy but decides against it, why does one make such a choice? Maybe the steam. He didn't want the steam built up in there. Really? That's a nice, refreshing shower. Oh, gosh. Oh, my God. Steam. You also have a choice not to look.
This seems too much for me. This is my first shower I've ever taken. I don't know what all this stuff is. What is this crazy thing? Is that Mikey sitting out there staring at me? It's like a cloud, but not really a cloud. Not a cloud, but it's hot. It's warm. I'm in a shower. I've never done this before, though. It's your first time. Yeah. How long did you stare there and look at him? Well, in all honesty, 40 to 45 minutes. That seems about right. Please. I was walking by. I didn't stop. There you go. Can't help but notice. Of course you can't help but notice. And, you know, because dudes, you know, ding-a-ling is there. Well, just meaty flesh. He had. All a mesh. He had a cul-de-sac on his head. I saw that.
Cold a sack of hair. What'd the downstairs look like? What? I want to squeeze them. Auburn. Ow. Mike. Wow. You should not be able to make that. You should notice the shower open, but keep moving. Yeah, that's weird. It's like being on a golf course and a long leash staring at a guy. What's a golf course? What's a golf course? And just staring at a guy's working parts. Auburn, Auburn, Auburn. Just became the sex pervert. No, I didn't. I'll prove it to you. It's very specific. I'll prove why I'm not a sex pervert. Okay. If you walk by a shower and Gumby's in there, you're going to be able to tell the police there was an all green guy in there. You know why? Because your eye catches the whole body. That's right. Your eye doesn't just go, your eye doesn't somehow zoom in. Right. If I'm standing up. You see me. Yeah, the whole thing. If it's a female taking a shower, yes. But if it's just another dude in there, I don't go. But no, here's the deal. He's walking by. He's not expecting some dip ass to be in there with the curtain open. That is true. And you notice him. You look over and you go, I wouldn't even notice. It wouldn't even register in my head. He never tells the truth anymore. He doesn't. Now his new thing on the radio, J.S.R. Isabel's new thing on the radio is.
I am going to say the opposite. I just don't care. I'll go for it. He would notice. You would notice. I would notice. Noticing the Auburn highlights is a little strange. Excuse me. It wasn't highlights. Wasn't it? Frosted tips. I would notice that there was a dude showering, but I would not know. Look what his body hair looks like. I know. That is weird. Hey, you guys know part of the way that a person... If a person is generally good at comedy, part of the reason that they are is because they are observational. Absolutely. No, that's not true. That's not true. That's false. Is that false or is that true? That is true. And so I am not a sex pervert because I notice stuff. Oh, it's a good cover. I can tell you that the guy didn't even have, he didn't have a tan. I can describe a lot. And I saw him in about...
A quarter of a second. But I can describe that Auburned pervert to a police sketch artist. And I only had to see him for a quarter of a second. Dude had a choice. Do I draw the curtain off? Hey pal, you might want to shut this curtain. Just FYI, there's other dudes in here. And I don't want to look at your red chunks. No problem. Just pull that thing tight, taut, quickly. Yes, answer. Is that you that was at the urinal a second ago? It was. I can't hear you. I'm not coming any closer. I'm sorry? I'm not going to come any closer. I can't hear you.
Really strange. Strange reenactment as well. Rebecca said I wasn't a creep, LLB. Rebecca said that there was nothing creepy about the guy. I say the only reason that she would say that, or maybe you would say that, because you're not a guy. You don't know. You're insane! Jay's a guy, but he's one of those old creeps at the gym. In high school, we had the one... pole right in the middle and all the showers faced out. So you had to face each other when you were showering. You're like, hey, how's it going? That was high school, bro. He didn't have to. This guy didn't have to do that. This guy was in a single shower. Yeah, but he didn't want to go in there and just mess with the door. He's just like, I'm showering. It's just dudes. No dude's going to come in here and look at me. It's too complicated. No, he's just like, hey, I'm going to run in here. It will take way too much. Have some decorum, my precious son. Have some care for the other people that are around you. Really? I don't want to see it. The human body is so hideous and so, oh, it's so bad. When you have auburn pubic hair, then yes, it is hideous. You guys definitely should close the curtain because nobody wants to see what you're going to do. Hey, Woods ran into this yesterday, right? Listen to Woods' recap.
encountered the creepy old nude dude in the gym again yesterday. Now, this is Jacef R. Isabel, our producer. He didn't care. He lets it all hang out at the gym. If he's in the locker room, he is not ashamed, and he does not feel the need to have to cover up. Wood says, this guy had to be 65, and he looks like a flabby Frankie Valli. Get that visual. Just did. As I was changing into my workout clothes and he was exiting the shower, I noticed that he was exiting with what looked like a hand towel to dry off with. That's all he had. They're always what they have. I know. He put his foot up on the bench where my bag was sitting. They always do that, too. Of course they do. Got to get in there. And he proceeded to towel off. Wood says, I want to give him the, hey, pal, maybe back up glance. Yeah.
And looked right into a gray Serbian forest. With not a lot of tree in that forest, if you know what I mean. He was in the pool. Here's my point. The fact that you noticed that it's tree. Jay, what does that mean? He's gay? Yes. Because he noticed? Because you know so much about everybody's junk. You're like... I didn't stare at it. I go like this. I'm tying my shoe, right? I got my foot on the bench, too. I'm tying my shoe, and he's this close to me. So I go like that. I give him the look, but my look goes right into his piece. Why would you give him the look? Because I wanted him to know that I was really uncomfortable without me beating the crap out. He doesn't care. I know he don't. He don't. I'm telling you, Woods, and that's the thing. I'm with you, Woods. He doesn't. He's like Jay. He's like, hey, listen. As much my real estate is your real estate. Just have some, you know, if I did that, if I did that to people, Jay would be like, let me talk. No way. Let's talk. Hey, what's your name? I'm Steve. Uh-oh, you're going to fall, Mike. I'm Steve. Mike is standing in his chair for some reason. Please put a towel on. Let's talk about this. What's wrong? Don't give me the Captain Morgan putting your leg up on the deal either. I'm trying to dry off. Oh, my God. Oh, gross. Let's just talk about it. I don't want to talk.
Well, okay, fine. I'm trying. I want to go work out. I'll put my leg down. Okay. Now put a towel around yourself. I ain't putting a towel around myself. Oh, my God. I'm at a gym in a men's locker room. Yes, men. If a woman walks in here, I will. But I ain't if there ain't no woman. I don't expect guys to come check me out. I wasn't checking them out. Oh, but you could describe his junk. Yeah. Apparently you're checking me out. Yeah, I'm looking at your wiener. Just because you guys are not comfortable with your bodies, that's, I get it. I'm comfortable with my body. Yeah. I mean, if it's that small. I'm not. If it's that small. I am comfortable. Dude, I walked out last night from my bedroom to get something to drink butt-ass naked. Butt-ass naked. My wife goes, I dropped a grape on the floor and I bent over and picked it up. She goes, dear. Gave her a shot, you know? Oh, wow. And that I'm comfortable with my body. Oh, you're comfortable with your wife. That's your wife. Oh, wow. I walk outside in boxer shorts every day. Like, nothing on but boxer shorts. I'm really comfortable with my body. I got nothing to hide.
I'm not, but that doesn't mean that everybody should just be nude. Everybody's got it. Every guy in that gym has got the same equipment. No, no, no. Don't, Woods. Don't take your shirt off. Don't take your pants off. Come on, Woods. Drop him. He's down to his underwear. What? You can't do that. That's weird. Why? Everybody's got it. He's in his underwear. Why? Everybody's got it, right? Are you insane? Is that weird? Yes, it's weird. You know why? Because you're not supposed to be like that. Because Lauren's here. But if we're just men in the locker room, we're men. That insane person across from me. Look at Chris right now. Chris. is in utter shock. He's shaking his head. He's got a look on his face like, what just happened? What just happened? Woods was just standing in the room in our studio in his boxer shorts. At work. So what's up? See, that's not natural. This isn't a locker room. It doesn't matter. Jason, everybody's got it. Everyone doesn't have it. I don't have it. You don't have legs. I don't have a penis. Well, I didn't show my penis.
No, but you did get into your underwears. Which has a slit in it. The locker room, that's what a locker room is designed for. Yeah, to be nude. That's what it's for. Woods, I'm with you, man. Wear a towel. I think it's weird. Creep. So I should change underneath my towel when I'm in the locker room? No, you can. I'll give you. You know what I'll give you? I'll give you a two-second grace period to drop your towel, put your boxers on. That's what you get. Can't you do this? Can't you just put the towel around yourself? That's what I do. That's what L.O.B. does. Hey, my wife. I was telling my wife about it. My wife says, She goes, here's the thing. She said, when I was in my early 20s, she said, oh, gosh, Jay, I wish I could turn your microphone off, but I can't. I can't turn it off. In her early 20s. Keep your mouth shut, Jay. Shut your mouth. Don't say anything and don't make any noises. I don't want to hear a noise from you because I'm going to say something, but I don't want to hear a noise from you. She said in her early 20s, she said she was in really good shape. Jay, don't. Don't. Don't. I see the face. He's got his mouth pursed up next to the microphone. He so badly wants to go. Every vowel sound. Come on. You guys are in the story for me. Come on. So she said when she was in her early 20s and she.
She felt better about her body, she said. When she would change, she would do it very quickly. Now, she does the bit where she takes, you know, she's like taking things off underneath stuff and like doing that whole thing. Even when I was in high school, I did the same bit. Yeah. We're not European, okay? So she says, but now. She says, now I feel like one of Monet's prostitutes. I said, what? Pardon me? She said, the classic artist Monet used to draw pictures of women that were very plump. Oh, wow. And he hired them off the street so that he could paint them. And they were prostitutes. And I said, babe, are you insane? Out of your mind. And she goes, I'll give you this. I would have been a world-class model back in Monet's days. And I'm like, she goes, that's right. You're married to a high-class Monet-era prostitute. Wow. That makes my mouth water. I didn't say anything. But you did. That was terrible. With what you played. Oh, boy. All right. This is the last one.
Because when we come back, we're going to stay on the air commercial-free until 7.55. So if you guys got to go to the bathroom, go now. When we come back, commercial-free until 7.55. Thank you, Sony. They bought a 30-minute block from us for their new movie, 30 Minutes or Less, coming into theaters tomorrow. Sunshine has a temper sometimes, but he's not all bad. Mikey. Text him. He's a real beef castle. 949 Mikey. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Saturday, August 13th, we're giving away the coolest fashion item of the season. It's the Del Mar t-shirt. This black premium cotton short sleeve crew neck comes in either a classic men's style or a special ladies version. And each t-shirt sports its own unique Del Mar logo graphic. Get your Del Mar t-shirt free with racetrack admission this Saturday. Presented by Toyota. Cool as ever. Selection is everything.
during Toyota's nationwide clearance event. Right now, Toyota dealerships have the summer's best inventory and the year's biggest deals on your favorite vehicles. Now, save thousands with 0% financing on a new 2011 Camry, America's best-selling car. Get zero APR when you drive off in a new Corolla, Avalon, or Sienna. There's even 0% financing on a new 2011 Venza, Highlander, or Tundra. It's the perfect time to save big on the Toyota car, truck, or SUV you've been waiting for. But you better hurry. Toyota's nationwide clearance event ends soon. See your San Diego County Toyota dealer before time runs out. Camry sales claim based on MotorIntelligence.com CY 2010 sales. Offers may vary by region. Excludes hybrid models. Limited term financing through Toyota Financial Services to qualify Tier 1 plus through Tier 3 credit customers only. Vehicles must be purchased from 2011 new car dealer stock by midnight 9-6-11. It's back to school time and Vons makes it a great time to give back to schools. When you buy participating items, 10% of the purchase price will go directly to the school of your choice. Look for the school bus tags on participating items now through September 13th. Use Vons Club at checkout. Then choose a local school to receive 10% of the price of the items you buy. Simple as that. So load up the card at Vons and help out your local school. And summer shines on at Vons with these fantastic Vons Club specials.
Fresh 80% lean ground beef is only $1.97 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Two-pound containers of Pure Wall blueberries are just $4.99 each. And don't miss our buy four, save four dollars offer. Mix at your favorites. Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Chex, Fiber One Granola Bars, and many more. Look for buy four, save four dollar tags on participating items. Give back to schools and save on summer. That's ingredients for life. Vons. See store for details. Hey, I'm hearing all this talk about 4G in San Diego. So I go to Verizon and I ask the sales guy, so, 4G, huh? What's the big deal? He says, it's not just 4G, it's Verizon 4G LTE. And it's not a little faster, it's 10 times faster than the 3G smartphone you have now. I say, hmm, really? But in my head, I'm thinking, unbelievable. Then I ask, all that 4G LTE speed, got anything that can keep up? Yeah, he says, the new revolution by LG. You can shoot and share full HD videos and multitask like never before. Now my brain's going. It's unbelievable. Verizon 4G LTE, the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Now with more coverage across San Diego. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon.
Activation, early termination, and other fees apply. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4GLTE. This is the sound of Jennifer at work preparing to visit her bank. So you want to take a two-hour lunch break? Yeah, I need to visit my bank. It's all the way across town. This is Marissa preparing to visit her nearest Chase branch. Hey, just heading over to the bank. I'll be back in 10. Well, you know they just opened one in the lobby. Oh, be back in 5. Jennifer. You're aware this is going to come out of your vacation time. Oh. Marissa. Welcome to Chase. Wow, you guys are popping up all over the place. You can always rely on a Chase bank to be close by your home or office. With new branches opening all the time and a suite of new technologies, Chase continues to make banking more convenient. There are over 5,300 locations nationwide, with more coming to San Diego soon. Visit chase.com slash mynewbranch for your nearest Chase location. More branches in more places. Take a step forward and chase what matters. The Morgan Chase Bank N.A., member FDIC. Hey, it's Mikey for Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Everyone thinks...
shades when you hear that, but a lot of people don't think of the optical part. I'm talking about prescriptions with a lot of different frames to choose from and three easy locations. Sports Arena. It's right behind the Sports Arena. Just drive down Hancock, veer to the right, on to Kurtz. They're also in Kearney Mesa at the corner of Balboa and Convoy and also the La Jolla Village Square Shopping Center in La Jolla. It is the easiest place to get your stuff done as long as the sun keeps shining. Online at sunglassoptical.com. Get ready for the party of the summer. Unity Tour 2011. 311 and Sublime with Rome. Friday, August 19th, the Cricket Wireless Amphitheater presented by Sleep Train Mattress Centers. 311 and Sublime with Rome. Plus special guests, DJ Soulman and DJ Tricrome. Tickets are on sale now at LiveNation.com. Ticketmaster or charge by phone at 1-800-745-3000. We can't rob a bank in 30 minutes. We can give you more Mikey with no commercials. Tune in this morning at 8.30 a.m. for 30 minutes of uninterrupted Mikey. Brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. USAA's commitment to serving the financial needs of the military, veterans, and their families is now even closer to home. Announcing the new USAA Financial Center in San Diego at Fenton Market, 2431 Fenton Parkway.
This report, it's brought to you by In-N-Out Burger. No freezers, no microwaves. The way it's always been, always will, In-N-Out, that's what a hamburger is all about. Well, it looks like the 15 southbound before Rainbow Valley Boulevard. There is a bunch of lumber in the middle of the road. Careful as you travel through there. 15 northbound after Miramar Way. A fuel spell accident. Semi and car pulled over on the right shoulder. They're still working on mopping that up. And on the 94 eastbound between the 805 and Kenwood Dry. Got a backup in that area. This report also brought to you by Coinstar. Coinstar, there's no fee when you cash in your coins and you choose an Albertsons gift card. Keep every delicious scent. Sweet. Find the closest machine at Coinstar.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird. Bird Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Thursday morning brought to you by Frostbrood Coors Light. It's how San Diego breaks. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. This morning, under overcast skies and light south winds, we've got a bit more of a south-southwesterly swell direction remaining dominant out there. There's a touch of northwest crossing it up, but just slightly. Overall, most spots are looking at ways that need a waist-high zone, maybe a plus on that, while top spots open to that southwest well are seeing a waist chest, even a few shoulder high ways, but once again, bypassing most of San Diego proper and starting to hit further up in the north county.
Look for the improvement throughout the day, though, as that swell increases slowly, but surely there's a combination of different ones filling in, so that should help both sizes shape. Water temp warming up, too, up in the mid-60s right now, and that's the way it should go over the next few days as that south-southwesterly swell starts pushing north. And we should see some sunshine later in the day as well. So a little bit small and weak right now, but it should only get better. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surfline.com, and for your surfboard repair needs, you go see Joe Roper. The Authentic Surf Report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. So, this is kind of cool. We are going to be commercial-free right now. And we're going to just keep going. So hopefully nobody has to go to the bathroom. Just did. Oh, boy. It's going to be commercial-free until 7.55. Thank you, Sony. And Sony's movie, 30 Minutes or Less. And if you get that tweet from us, retweet it. You can find us on Twitter. Mikey Show Mikey, Mikey Show Woods, Mikey Show Lauren, Mikey Show Jay.
One of the big news stories was, so you know how the Dow stunk day before yesterday? Yes. I mean, it was really, really bad. Well, they made a rebound. And I stunk. You did, Dow. The Dow Jones Industrial Average stunk. And I stunk. They made a rebound the next day. A big rebound. Came up by 400 points and then yesterday. Sunk 500 points, which basically erased everything good from the day before. Now, the Dow was below 10,000. Just so you get a little bit of a bearing on this, when times were desperately bad in 2008, the Dow was at 7,500, somewhere around there. And it was scary. Like, we were thinking, oh, my gosh, we may go into a depression.
Right now, it's rebounded this morning so far, 144 points up. We're at 10,864 right now. You like to see the Dow, and once it goes somewhere, it kind of stays, okay? When it goes somewhere, it stays in that area. And where we were before all of this calamity was in the upper 11,000 mark. Now we're at 10,864. which is not very good. But hopefully, you know, as the day goes on, it'll keep improving, and we'll pick up some of that lost crap. Apple Corporation, speaking of stocks, they say is more valuable, is the most valuable U.S. company, Apple. Used to be Exxon, and it's not anymore. They say that in terms of capital,
They say Apple's got $337 billion in capital compared to Exxon's $336. So by a billion. So there you go. Pretty crazy, though. It's the most valuable company in the United States is Apple. Makes sense. Woodsy, what is going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to us today by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some! Well, there's good news for the Giants fan that was beaten by the Dodgers fans. He, yesterday, was able to lift his arm and his leg. His name is Brian Stowe, and, you know, he... Sister Bonnie came into the room, asked if she could give him a kiss. He puckered his lips every time. He's responding, you know, and that's really, really good news. So continued prayers for that guy and his speedy recovery. And also the Padres started a new winning streak last night. They beat the Mets 9-5. Will Venable had four hits, and they will go tonight. It's Corey Lubke against Jonathan Neese. Feast. Yeah, Woodsy, if they win five more games, you'll have to shave.
A fryer cut. Allegedly. Mm-hmm. It's the Mikey Show commercial free till 7.55. Then we'll take a normal break. Then again at 8.30. We'll do it again. Wow. Happy birthday, everybody. Yeah. Enjoy. I hope you like it. We do. The word of the day is handful. When you hear me work the word handful into a sentence between now and 10, call our nine. You're going to the Chargers Seahawks game tonight. You just got to come to the station and pick up your tickets. And at 8 o'clock, dirty trivia. Jay, of course, will be the guy playing and Woods will be the guy asking the questions. And if he gets one wrong, if Jay gets a question wrong, boom, he takes a shot from an air pistol. So it's coming up in just a bit. So apparently last night was George Lopez's final show. He got canceled. Listen. Oh, it's tonight.
Tonight's the last show. By the way, do you think that he'll say anything about being Mexican during this break? Probably, and I wanted to, before you play the audio, I wanted to just go ahead and tell you how sorry I am. I know you're really upset. Who are you talking to? You. I'm sorry. Me? About what? About George Lopez being canceled. I don't understand. Don't you? No, I never watch George Lopez. That's one of your brethren, dude, and I'm sorry. You mean just because he's Mexican? I'm sorry, man. That makes sense. I know that it's going to affect you and your entire family. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Do you need to take some time? Yeah, you need to. I mean, do you want us just to run the show for a while? I feel selfish that I didn't express my condolences. So consider yourself consoled. Pretty thoughtful guy. I just knew how upset that you were and would be. I knew you'd get on the air and pretend that you weren't. That you weren't. But I know that you are. I know that you're upset. LLB, there's no reason to be sad. I'm not sad. I feel bad that you were trying to be so strong. Yeah, you're good, man. You're a good actor, you. You can mutt it out if you want, Mike. It's fine. Real men cry. You're a good actor, you. Hey, so in case you didn't hear the news, TBS has decided not to renew Lopez tonight, but that's all right. Did you hear the one guy that was... Oh, maybe not. Oh, gosh.
Wrong time to go. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. His wife elbowed him in the face. She's like, why don't you listen? Idiot. None of those people watch either. News unemployment is at an all-time high. Here comes the Mexican joke. I guarantee here comes the Mexican. Everything's got to be about him being a Mexican or Latino. It can't just be a crazy thing happened to me at the movie theater. It's got to be. You know what's crazy about being a Mexican in a movie theater, man? Unemployment is at an all-time high, and for Latinos, it just got a little higher. I did get some good news this morning. Sony announced they were doing a sequel to the Smurfs movie. So today I lost some work because I'm brown, but also I got some work because I'm blue. I wonder why they canceled it. You get it, I'm brown because I'm Latino.
We got it, George. You know what's crazy about a Latino getting canceled? What, George? That he's a Latino. Oh, boy. No, he's not working either. Maybe you should have hired writers instead of writing your own jokes. Or cleared your throat once or twice. Maybe try some honey with whiskey. And really, almost like every TV star who loses his job. Now, what am I going to do? Everybody asks, what are you going to do now? Like every TV star before me, I'm going to find some crack. I'm going to what? Find some crack. Fire some crack? Sounded like fire, but he meant find some crack. Is that what Carson did? Yeah. Nope. What he's referring to. When you're a Latino man, jokes don't always have to make sense. Just ask Mikey. Lose that unwanted 110 pounds I've been trying to lose. That's pretty funny. But I'm taking it good. I'm straight. Believe me. I'm fine. My goddesses are a wreck. It's not relevant anymore. Got Woodsy, though. He liked it. Still works. To each their own. So Lopez tonight is no more. Conan O'Brien apparently did a serious take on it last night. I want to take one second right now and talk about something serious. Today, not long ago, a couple hours ago, it was announced that TBS is not renewing George Lopez's show for a third season.
And I know you do. I have very strong feelings about this, and I wanted to talk about it. Had it not been for George being so incredibly supportive of me a year and a half ago, I would not have come to TBS, and we would not be doing this show right now. I owe that man a lot. Is he the lead-in, Lopez, or does he come on? He's the lead-in. He is the lead-in. Then Conan comes on. Chances Conan takes that spot. Pretty good. You don't have to go on and pretend like you like me, man. You just stole my job. Another white guy taking a Latino's job, huh? Par for the course. I'm used to it. So are you, right, Mikey? Talk about it. How many times do Latinos have to lose a job to a white guy here in Southern California? I don't know. Let's ask you, Mikey. You know a lot about it. How many times can white people take a job from, I mean, Latinos? Let's ask. Mikey. Frankly, it makes me very sad that TBS and George could not work this out. I really like being a part of a late-night lineup with George, and I wish that this could have continued. So tonight, all of our thoughts are with George and his entire staff and crew. We understand, believe me, how hard this is for all of you, and we wish you all the best. Classy. That was nice. Yeah. Yeah.
But then you got to go on and be funny. I'd have done that at the end of the show. Because now you got to, you know, you finish that, you wrap that up. That's in the monologue. Yeah. Then you got to start making D jokes and stuff. Exactly. You know, at the end of it, I don't know. It's just me. They don't teach their own, pal. 570-1949. Don't forget, 830 this morning, we're going to be talking to that guy that called us the other day because his girlfriend was at the food court. And he saw her with another guy. She said nothing was going on. She said, if you don't believe me, why don't you come to lunch and meet him? And so he did. And we're going to talk to him today and find out what happened. Sweet. Was the guy gay like she said? Jay said that if it were Jay, he would walk up to the guy and he would say, my girlfriend here says you're gay. Is that true? Right.
He also mentioned, Mike, that he would try to engage in a threesome with that couple, which we thought was unusual since it was a do, another do. Right. If he tried to pay too much attention to you, then you know he is gay. But what if you're already engaged in it when you figure that out? At least you know. You just go with it then. Then you pack up your bags. But at that point, you're going, no. Let's see. I say we play a little. Let's play a little Jeopardy. Let's see here. 70s Tim Conway, Don Knox, flick. What is mispronounced stuff? He's burying a hole through me with his eyes. Yes. You had me load the Jeopardy theme and you didn't tell me what it was for this morning. No. Funny guy. I did not. Well, yesterday on the air, Jay gave us the treat of all treats. Yes. In fact,
I told my wife that Jay said Don Knox a long time ago. She laughed. She goes, come on. And I said, I'm telling you. She goes, no, he didn't. Then it happened live on the air yesterday. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. I don't hear the difference. Between Knox and Knox? You just said the same word twice. Yes, you did. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. Don Knox. Oh, God, again. Isolate. What is it? Don Knox. 70s. Tim Conway. Don Knox. Keep isolating. We'll have a whole slew of them. I want 50 variations. There's no question. What is it? I'm not playing this silly game anymore. I just discovered ice cream. You got to have it in all the different flavors. Absolutely, man. Mr. Limp it. Yep. Don Knox. 70s. Tim Conway. Don Knox. Flick. That's what I said.
Yes. That's wrong. That's wrong. Who's on first? Jay. What? K-M-O-T-T-S. Right. Don Knox. 70. Tim Conway. Don Knox. Flick. 570-1949. Don't hear it. All right. Here we go. By the way, we are running commercial free until 7.55. Rebecca Black, the chick that sings Friday, Friday. Here she is talking about a rumor. About her being pregnant. Online, she was still a target. CNN's iReport website briefly carried a fake story. She was pregnant at 13. Waking up to a rumor that you're pregnant is not fun. It's just frustrating because, I mean, I'm still, like, excited over my first kiss. I feel bad for Rebecca Black because she doesn't make it.
you know, easier on herself. Now that is not to say that she should be bullied because she shouldn't be bullied. Uh, but you know, like a lot of 14, I got, I know dads of 14 year olds that say, Oh my gosh, man, my daughter is so annoying. She drives me crazy. The way she talks, it's just the age, 14 year old girls at the age. A lot of times they'll just, they're just going to annoy you, man. Oh, for sure. This is, uh, uh, yeah, this is her talking about how they had to move out. In her bedroom, she reads hateful words online. You're so fat and... What creep? Because first of all, Rebecca Black's not fat. And even if she was, who's that creep? Who is that that writes that to her? That's nauseating. There's more of them than there's not, unfortunately. There's what? There's more of them than there's not them. That's nauseating. I think you're setting her up for... I think they've set her up for failure. I think any of these child stars and anybody who puts their 14-year-old daughter out and is so exposed, it's going to mess her up. Oh, yeah. Oh, they pay to have this produced. They absolutely meant to do this. Well, yeah, they wanted her to be exposed. A teen sensation. But that's not the reason that she's famous. She's famous because she had a terrible song. That's why she's famous. Right. And so because the song was terrible, that's why she's being bullied.
Oh, but I mean, even the Olsen twins, I'm sure they got the same kind of... I don't think so, man. I think the Olsen twins actually had fans. You know, people that wrote adoring. And I'm sure just as many people hated them. Like, oh, you're so obnoxious. Talentless. Yeah, you're talentless. I mean, it's just something you go through. Never be pretty. You suck at singing. I hope you go die. I think you should get an eating disorder because that will make you prettier. Do you think these are kids that are writing these things? It's kids, right? Because no, like, well, I think no adult would do that. But then when we first got to FM 94.9, we read some stuff like that. From adults. From adults. They wanted us to die in drunk driving accidents. Yeah, an adult said that to Woods. Yeah. Said, I hope you and your whole cast die in a drunk driving accident this weekend. Well, honestly, an eating disorder would be good for you. And then Jay does his own private laugh that is silent. He says. Wow, Jay. And then he lifts his head up. Just for a while. Got him again. Maybe you go on a short eating dish. Maybe we'll get you a tapeworm. You ever try meth? San Diego, that's your beloved Jason R. A friend. Isabel. Goes beyond the internet.
When I walk by, they'll start singing Friday in a really nasally voice or, you know. See, listen, I'm going to make this point again, and I know that maybe you disagree with me, Jay, but I'm telling you, the Olsen twins didn't become known for something that they did that was annoying and bad. Yeah, they did. They did. It was called Family Ties. No, bro. No, it wasn't. It was called Full House. Full House, same thing. Wow. It was annoying. Yeah, Mike, it was cold. And it was horrible. My three dads. Called all in the family. My favorite Martian. All right, let's pause to do this little thing for Sony. I'm Danny McBride. And I'm Aziz Ansari. It's impossible to tell you everything that goes on in our movie 30 minutes or less in 30 seconds or less. But we're going to do it anyhow. There is a bank robbery. Cha-cha-cha-cha. It's 2.30s. A Latino hit man named Chongo. I'm the satanic Hispanic, doggy. I just say this stuff. I ain't going to say that. A stripper who tries to kill me. Seems kind of messed up. It's not messed up, dude. It's barely even murder. Go see 30 Minutes or Less in theaters this Friday, fools! Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parent. See how far it goes at youtube.com slash 30minutesorlessmovie. I'm Danny McBride. And I'm Aziz. I'm stacked two 30s right next to each other. This is the 30 seconds we have to tell you about our new movie, 30 Minutes or Less.
The movie is a full-blown action comedy. But then how come we just didn't call it full-blown action comedy? Because 30 Minutes or Less is a way better title. Now tell everyone when it opens, because we're out of time. Oh, that's terrific. Then why don't we just call the movie We're Out of Time? Because we are literally out of time now. And whose fault is that? Sir talks a lot. I'm just trying to tell everybody about our movie. Touche, McBride. Go see 30 Minutes or Less in theaters this Friday, fools. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parent. Jay just refused. Absolutely. Listen. You have to. I have to. And you talking over it did not help either. Oh, please. Really, they paid for the entire spot bank. JFR. I've been doing this for... I know. How'd that work out for you? That is true. Whoa. No, that's true. Wow. Listen, he's got a point. Holy smokes. He's just going right for the jugular. Oh, my God, he's on one.
Well, you want me to be honest or you want me to be respectful? Every once in a while, you used to talk over spots at the old station and your whole crew decided to dissent. He wouldn't say dissent. All right. They decided to split. Mutiny. Mutiny. Now, if you don't want me to mutiny on you, I'd do me a favor. Shut your mouth. By the way, I'm already planning a mutiny, so it don't even matter. It doesn't matter anyway, Matt. Mutiny on the bounty. It's going to be called the J show. I've been in talks already. Trust me. Walk the plank. Well, if I'm going to say commercial free, it's just weird for us to play a commercial. I've been talking about the movie for a long time. If I talk about the movie, it's the same thing. And, you know, I can take that conversation. Pete? Yes, of course. I want to see that movie because Danny McBride is in it. And he's the greatest. Word of the day is handful. When I say that between now and 10, caller 9, you will get Charger Seahawks tickets for tonight. You just got to come to the station and pick them up today. And don't forget at 8.30, we're going to talk to the dude that went to the food court and met up with his girlfriend.
To meet the guy that she was having lunch with. She claims he's a co-worker and a gay guy. And he has nothing to worry about. But she says, the reason I didn't say that when I was on the phone with you is because you freak out about everything and you're jealous. Yep. So that's the deal. We'll be talking to either him or her. Him? Yes. Yes, him. Very soon. So some of you may not. Oh, I have more. I have more. I have more. The money that Rebecca Black is making. Are you rich now? I really don't know. It's not her fault. She's 14. It's not her fault. At 14, that's the way you do it. It's not her fault. My dad is in charge of all my money, and I don't even know how much a lot is, really. She's 14. At 14, you talk that way. Is a million a lot? I don't know. L-O-B.
She can't help it. She's 14. When you were 14, you probably talked like that, too. I didn't speak through my throat. Oh, wow. Gosh darn. You probably did. You probably did. How much money is in my account? You don't know how much money you've actually made. I don't know. It's coming in, so kind of more and more every day. Enough to send you to college for four years? Yes. Yes, enough. Enough to send me and my entire town to college for a few years. She's not pregnant, she makes a lot of money, and she had to leave school because of bullying. Sad. I don't like bullying. Hell no. I don't like bullying, but, you know, it's jealousy. It lends itself to my theory that everyone wants to be a celebrity. It's true. They're just jealous of her. Yeah, they are so jealous. Yesterday we played That's a True Statement, and I could not get LOB's statement out of my mind all day long. Yep.
At first, I disagreed with it. Then as I thought about it, I thought, is there truth to that? L.O.B.'s bold statement was, everybody wants to be a celebrity. Deep down, everybody. Yep. I think there should be an age limit on being a celebrity. You should not be able to be under 18 and be a celebrity. How could you have kids in movies? You just couldn't. You just have, like, little children. 17-year-olds play an 8-year-old. Yeah, little people. Play an 8-year-old. Yeah, just because it always ends poorly. Not always. Of course it doesn't. Ron Howard. Yeah. Ron Howard's one. Dakota Fanning. Dakota Fanning. So far, there's still time. There's still time for everybody, though. Lindsay Lohan, the Olsen twins. Scott Baio. Scott Baio. Greatness. Rain wreck. Greatness. Here's Corey Feldman. Talking about Corey Haim. I can tell you that the number one problem in Hollywood was and is and always will be pedophilia. That's the biggest problem for children in this industry.
The casting couch even applies to children. Oh, yeah. Not in the same way. It's all done under the radar. Nobody talks about pedophilia. It's the big secret. And it's widespread? Oh, yeah. I was surrounded by them when I was 14 years old. Surrounded. Literally. Didn't even know it. It wasn't until I was old enough to realize what they were and what they wanted and what they were about and the types of people that were surrounding me until I went, oh, my God, they were everywhere like vultures. Oh, I wish he would go, like, tell us what he means. Because, you know, you can draw your own conclusions. But unless he actually tells us what he means, because he's got firsthand experience, we don't, then we wouldn't know. Feldman says the trauma of that pedophilia. contributed to Haim's death. There's one person to blame in the death of Corey Haim, and that person happens to be a Hollywood mogul. And that person needs to be exposed, but unfortunately, I can't be the one to do it. But the person that... Why? Retribution? Yeah, I mean, dude. Might ruin his career. Well, yeah, hello. Knows who did it, and knows who he is, is watching right now, I guarantee you. Intriguing. Salacious. However, however,
Even though it's a problem as big as, you know, pedophilia, I'm not going to turn the guy in. I mean, I know stuff, but I won't turn that guy in. There was a circle of older men that surrounded themselves around this group of kids. And they all had either their own power or connections to great power in the entertainment industry. Feldman won't name names. Why not? Oh, man, if we ever talk to Corey Feldman, that's the first thing I'm going to say. I'm going to say, bro, if you've got firsthand knowledge of that, how could you let it, you know, if you don't say anything, you're letting it continue. I believe that's his tactic, to get another interview. Yeah. Not me. Could be. I do not believe that, L.O.B. Okay, somebody better step forward and expose this guy. Not going to be me, but somebody better be brave enough. I mean, you can't call somebody else out if you're not willing to do it.
Well, yeah, but if what you're saying is true and he's just trying to get another interview, that means that he's making it up. No, it might mean that he feels like he's got a golden nugget and he's broke and nobody knows who he is anymore or nobody cares who he is anymore. He's trying to milk it. Yeah, I know, but so you think he's making it up? No, I think it's his golden ticket. It's like... So it's true. You don't want to cash it in yet. It's like when you're a kid and you have something against one of your siblings and you're going to milk it for as long as you can to get them to do stuff for you before you tell mom and dad. Yeah. So it is true, but he just doesn't want to give it up. You don't want to cash it in yet. Well, I don't think he's ever going to. Maybe on his deathbed. Maybe in a tell-all one day. I don't think he's going to. It's freaking fascinating, though. When he says the word mogul, I mean, look at... How many moguls are in Hollywood? There's not that many that would qualify. The only mogul that I can think of, because we don't really, as the general public, you don't have an opinion on the mogul. Who's a mogul? Spelling. Yeah. If somebody said to me, can you think of any Hollywood moguls? The only one I can think of, and what is a mogul? The definition?
Oxford definition of mogul is a member of a dynasty. Aaron Spelling, the Weinsteins. Barrymore. They're the studio executives. The guys that run the studios. They're the big time producers. Those are moguls. Yeah, they have an empire of entertainment. And apparently they have a harem of young boys. That's what he's saying. This is really creepy. Maybe it was Walt Disney. He wasn't around when Corey Haim was around. He's throwing names out. There's Roy Rogers. Yeah, she's just throwing anybody that's dead. Gene Autry. Probably. Probably. You said Aaron Spelling. I was like, oh, wow. I wonder if it was Aaron Spelling. Well, I don't know. I can't think of moguls. In my head, I went, I wonder if it was him, that old creep. I liked Corey Haim. I was a big fan of his. Big fan.
Let's just watch some documentary on him. It's embarrassing. Hey, what am I going to do? Criticize it? I just watched a documentary on Justin Bieber. It's true. I looked at Corey Haim when I was, you know, we were about the same age. And when I was a kid and I looked at him in those movies, I'm like, gosh darn, he gets some pretty girls. I want to be like that guy. Justin Bieber, are you a brat? That was the story yesterday. With this rumor that they're saying you're the biggest brat, man. What's going on with that? I don't know, man. I have no clue. I've never heard that rumor ever. So they just made it up after you left? I guess so. What would you say to American Airlines? Nothing, I guess. He was on American Airlines and they say that he refused to give an autograph to a pilot and that he was also giving the airline attendants a hard time. Pilot asked for a photograph. What pilot? The story says that the pilot asked for a photograph and you refused. I don't think you should believe everything we hear. Okay. People make up stuff all the time. What do you got going on today? I'm dead today. Oh, that's the rumor? He does sound kind of like a brat. He sounds kind of like a little punk. Don't worry. We won't hear from that guy in a couple years. Be all over. Bieber fever. These girls grow up. That's it. 570-1949 is our number. These girls and 41-year-old Latino radio hosts grow up and they get tired of it. Well, I don't buy the records. I told you. I know. I just thought that the movie was interesting. Nice Bieber.
There it is. What kind of kid were you on the bus, Woods? A Lothario. Oh, really? You were the guy getting all the girls? Trying to. Well, at least trying to. I was trying to be the... What's the... Seductress is a woman. I was trying the male version of the seductor. The seductor. You were trying to seduce girls? Yeah. That was my bit on the bus. I was trying to... Did it work? Yeah, a couple times. Creepy. French kiss, maybe a little second base. Eight, nine years old? No. Ten... Oh, not ten. Probably twelve, thirteen. What about when you were younger? Quiet. Reader. Quiet reader. Yeah, quiet reader on the way to school. Big reader. But then I discovered girls and decided, hey, they're trapped in a tube with me for the next 45 minutes. Yeah, I'm going to give you an age. Seven. When you were seven, you were reading. You were the little kid on the bus reading. Did you wear glasses? No. Nope. L-O-B, seven years old. What kind of kid were you on the bus? Bossy. Bossy? Big, bossy clown. Tell me, what kid? Well, I didn't make my way to the back of the bus until I was in fifth grade because that was the rule. So I was, what, ten then? So I was always progressively trying to make my way back and push the envelope and try and sit an extra row back where the eight-year-old should have been. Pushing the boundaries. Yes, I was definitely trying to negotiate my way into eight-year-old territory. And then I had some minions around me and I would tell them what to do.
And they would do it. Stand up and yell stuff. Fascinating. It is because, again, to look at her, she's so shy looking. She ain't shy. No. That girl's not shy. No. She's the dirtiest bird in the classroom. 100%. She got voted most likely to be dirty. Jenna Jameson called and said, that girl's filthy. She's too much. She's too much. Jenna said, I can't handle it. I've never met Jenna before. Jay? Sorry, what type of kid were you on the wagon when you used to ride to school in the covered wagon? I refused to ride the bus. You refused to ride the bus? I would from kindergarten on. They would take us out to the bus line, and I would sneak out, and I would walk home. I like to exercise even then, Mike. I mean, I've been doing it since I was four. I knew what cholesterol was, and I was just keeping an eye out for it. My challenge was to outrun the bus to get home. Because my mom, I couldn't let my mom find out, so she was waiting on the bus, so I would run all the way through the woods as quick as I could and get home before the bus got there. Yeah, I could beat an automobile, even at four. It took about a month for her to finally figure out. I was always just covered in sweat. She's like, dang, don't they have AC on that bus? Why, Jay? I don't know. Challenge myself. I was nervous. I didn't want to hang around with the kids on the bus for some reason. I don't know. Did something happen to you? No.
Just didn't want to ride it. Are there clowns on the bus? Older kid make you sit on his lap or something? No, nothing like that. I just didn't want to ride the bus. I'd been cooped up all day long. I was a big outside kid. No, he was getting to it, but Woods scared the bunny back into the hole. Did I? Yeah, you did. What'd you do? He didn't like, it made him nervous. We don't know. Somebody pecked on him. I didn't like school at all, obviously. It made him nervous. I was the quiet kid as well. I just wanted off that bus. All I would think about while we were on the bus was getting off of it. And I was impatient. I wanted it to be over. Done. What was your ride like? How long? From school to your home. About 25 minutes. Yep. It was about 45. 40 to 45 minutes. Wow, really? Yeah, it took a while. We had a bunch of stops before me. I was one of the last stops. Wow. Didn't like it. I liked riding the bus, man. I was sad when it was my stop. I was like, I'll see you guys tomorrow. See you in the morning. Watch you around tomorrow. I'm working on some stuff. Come back with my A game. 570-1949. That LOB is something else. Yesterday, she was in one of those drive-thru car washes, and she zoned out and started going through the car wash with the window open.
Well, it was down when I entered, and then I put it down. I had one of my hairs on my sweater, so I went to go put the hair out the window, forgetting I was in a car wash. Forgetting. I mean, she's engulfed in it. She's in the car wash. All around her are sudsy brushes. Water. And gushing gallons of water, but she forgot. I was listening to Muse. It was turned up way loud. L.O.B., I don't care if Muse was in the car. Yeah. How do you forget if you're in the car wash? Okay, so then she remembered because there was soap in her face, so she rolled the window up. Hey, Lauren, this is Gordon from Muse. You roll the freaking window up, please, because I've got soap all over me. I'm sorry, I zoned out. I got it that you had a hair on your sweater, but for God's sakes, man. Then this morning, she gets in the elevator and pressed...
the wrong button on mistake and accidentally called for help. Oh my god, you did not. I've done that. And she had to hang on the line and tell them that she accidentally hit it. I was terrified that if I just exited and acted like I didn't do anything, that we would have a SWAT team in here. The little red button that said help is on the way was... Oh! Who answers that call? Somebody down in a basement, somebody's like... It was a lady. I think it's the police force. Is it really? Nobody's called here in four years. No, because I used to lean with my pocket, just put my wallet against it. I actually leaned up against it one time. That's what I did. That's what I did. And nobody's like, I'm assuming it's an emergency emergency. Oh, gosh. I'm like, no, no, no, thank you. I know. No, thank you. I'm done. I'm done. She couldn't hear me, so I just got off the elevator and ran. Remain calm, please. Calm. We have help on the way. I don't need it. I don't need it. It was an accident. I'm sorry. My wife here. This is an emergency. She hit the button. We'll let them know.
I don't need it. We have someone on the way right now, sir. We don't need it. We're fine. We're getting off. Let us know if you have a need for bandages or if you're going to need it. We don't need any help, actually. I'm an idiot. Just cancel the... Someone cut themselves, apply pressure. 86 on the ambulance. Call canceled. Tippy-toe. We need 86 units, please. No, no, no, no. 86 the deal. 86 the whole thing. 86 units of blood, he said. No, no, no, no. We don't need anything. We're good. Babe, you made it worse. 86 units. Roll up. I don't know what it is. I was examining it because you've heard me say that I think that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear. I get angry when L.O.B. hurts herself all the time. You do. I know. She did it yesterday. I know, dude. She'll open the door to the studio and slam her foot into the, like, she'll jam her toe. And I had to examine it. I'm like, why am I mad? You get mad. I get mad. And I'm like, what am I mad about? Am I hurt? Am I sad? Or am I fearful? And I think I told her, I go, I think I'm hurt because you're hurting my friend. And then the other day, the next day, Woods, the next day, she walks behind me. She does something behind me and is walking away. And bam, smacked her toe and jammed it right into that.
Counter. Right into it. And immediately couldn't walk and had to lay down on the big bean bag that we have in here. And I was like, I was mad. Yeah, you got mad. I used to. Well, I didn't outwardly. No. You weren't like, you stupid idiot. I used to worry about her. Now I just laugh when it happens because it's so, things are falling and spilling and she's hurt herself. Last night I stubbed it from the other room and I go, ah! And Matt, before he even knows what's wrong with me, goes, ha ha! And then comes in to see if I'm actually okay. Because I kept going, oh. You do it a lot, right? I know. I told him. I said, Mikey said that it makes him mad because it's hurt, sadness, and fear. And he said, I guess I do get sad if you really get hurt. But mostly I just laugh because you do it all the time. I think you're really hurt because it does, man. It hurts her. It hurts her. She has to lay down sometimes. The foot, no matter how light something is that you drop on your foot, it hurts so bad. Why does it hurt? I just wonder how it happens so frequently. Is your wife a faller? No. Is she a tripper, a faller? Does she bang into stuff? No. Mine is. And I get almost furious when she hurts herself. So it's not just me. It's not just you, dude. When she does something and she'll walk and her heel will gimp and I'll go, God, what? I get mad.
I don't know what it is. Maybe you're afraid for her. You're afraid for her. I don't know. Maybe I was psychotic. Maybe you're... I don't think you're psychotic. You get so mad. I'm so mad. Yeah, I think you're scared. You're scared she's going to hurt her. It scares you. Like, it startles you. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Startled. It startles you. Yeah. They're going to make a move. They're going to remake Dirty Dancing. Shouldn't have made the first one. Yeah. Yes, they should have. Should they have. If it ain't broke. Oh, it was broke. Well, they're not trying to fix it. They thought it was so good, they're going to redo it. I know. What an expression. Yeah, to girls, it's a classic. Yes. Every chick has seen that a million times. But they want to redo it. That movie was worthless. Oh, that movie's great. Worthless. Great. Listen to our new Mikey song.
Hey, Mikey, I met a really nice guy last week. We went out on a date. Everything about him was great except for one thing. He's unemployed. And actually, he said he hasn't been able to find a job in almost a year. Even so, he picked up the check. Should I date a guy who's unemployed? Or will he end up using me for my money? That's M1 Mandy. Well, I don't think he's going to use you for your money, but I don't know. I don't know his character. But I don't think he's going to use you for your money. You know, we are going through hard economic times. So it could be that we're going through hard economic times and he's having a hard time getting a job. However, I do want to say this about men and women. If we were single woods and we met a girl and she didn't have a job, she's really pretty, probably wouldn't matter to us that much. Care less. Care less. However.
One of the things that is appealing to a woman is a guy that has a good job because it means stability for her young. You know, women do this real thing called nesting. So when a woman is like pregnant, she'll do this real thing called nesting where she starts to do stuff around the house, like clean it up. Suddenly a house that was normally dirty is clean a lot because she's getting ready. And so if a guy makes a good living, it's attractive. Yeah, it's a security blanket. And it feels real good to know somebody's got money in the bank. He's a hard worker. He's got good work ethic. But specifically, women desire that from a man. Oh, yeah. And a man doesn't necessarily desire that from a woman. No, I mean, my wife didn't work for a while. And it was kind of a bone of contention in our house. Just the only reason it was. It was because it's freaking expensive to live here. And I felt like if you don't, we're going to drown. But you're married. It's different because you're a married unit. This is a girl that's asking, well, should I date a guy that doesn't have a job? Well, you can because he probably will. He'll probably get a job. But what she needs to, I think, recognize is that it's okay for that to not be very attractive to you. That's what women deserve.
You'll hear a lot from chicks that they, that's a big, like, he doesn't have a job. That's a big deal to a woman. It depends on how he feels about it. If he's looking for one and is kind of like, I feel like a loser because I don't have a job kind of thing and he's looking, that's one thing. But if he's kind of content and like, we'll see what happens, that's a huge turnoff. Yeah. Yeah, if he's sitting at home playing Xbox all day, smoking marijuana cigarettes. Yeah, if you're not even working towards it, if you're just riding out the system, sorry, bud. Men, a lot of times, in addition to a girl being good looking and not just being attractive, guys also, he's wanting to have his seed continue on in an attractive way. He's like, oh, that girl looks like a good one to mate with because my young. will be strong and good looking. I think she should. Again, it's just like L.O.B. said. If he's making an effort to do it, you shouldn't be embarrassed about not having a job these days. There's a lot of people struggling. We've been rolling commercial free since 7 and we're going to do it again at 8.30. At 8.30, we're going to go commercial free because of the movie
30 minutes or less. Thank you, Sony. They're so awesome. They bought two big 30-minute segments from the Mikey Show this morning. And we want to say thank you. 8.30, we'll do it again. We'll go from 8.30 to 9.20. Bam. Tay Zonday, who you will remember as the YouTube sensation that did Chocolate Rain, was on America's Got Talent. I love it. I love you some chocolate rain. It sounds like something that would be on my lovemaking playlist. It's like smooth. Yes, your lovemaking playlist. My lovemaking playlist. Do you actually have a lovemaking playlist? Well, yeah. You don't... What? You have a love... Like music, it's not called lovemaking playlist, but it is my lovemaking playlist for lovemaking. My face is hot.
Here, here's the swab deodorant. Why are you guys looking at me like that? Well, multitude of reasons, really. Well, let's start with this one. Okay. You're being for real? Yes. Okay. You have a separate playlist. Yeah. Did you label it? Yes. What is it called? Don't lie or I'll know. Don't lie. It's called Ainge. This is really embarrassing. A-N-G? A-I-N-G-E. A-I-N-G-E. Which is short for angel. Which is... Oh, gosh. Stop! Stop! No, no, no, no. Please, please. Angel. Don't scare her. Stop. Age. Short for angel. Stop. Did you name it? Yes, I named it. I didn't want anyone to stumble upon my laptop and know... I didn't want to be that overt, you know? If someone borrowed my laptop, like, ooh, love making playlists. Oh, let's play list. Yeah. Not playlist, slay list. Yeah, slay list. You know, it's like the... Watch closely as I use my lips. Jay? Excuse me? It's like the one that you put on to either get in the mood or... She's bright red. Come on! She's beet red. I have a burning in my loins right now. Jay! Don't scare the bunny. See? See? See? See? No, I'm kidding. L.O.B.
Are you going to be serious? Turn your back. I'm not going to say anything. Turn your back. I'm going to watch these baseball highlights over here. I'm going to ask you questions. I'm going to ask you questions. Okay. Now, I'm averting my eyes. I'm not looking. Why are you guys acting like this is weird? Because we didn't know that you had a playlist that you call Ainge. Oh, gosh. Oh, babe. Jay. Don't. Jay. Excuse me? I want to hear her, so don't. This is embarrassing. I know. And if you're new listening to Mikey's show, you need to know something about LOB. She's not very forthcoming when it comes to personal info. Oh, this is wild. She's working on it. She's working on it. She's working on it. So hot. I still can't look over there. It's longer than it's ever been. Don't do it, Jay. Because I want to hear her. I don't want to talk about it. Don't, Jay. Jay, come in here. Come in here. Come in here. I can't. Oh, gosh. Ella B. Yes. Where is this music? It's on my laptop. It's on my iTunes. Can we? We're going to break now. And when we come back, can I plug it into my? No, because you're going to make fun of me. No, we won't. We won't. I won't say one word, I promise. Oh, my gosh. I don't even remember what's on here.
Don't plug it in. What are you going to do? You're going to judge me? No. No. No. No. No, ma'am. No, ma'am. We will not. I have family members that listen to this show. Well, call us if you want her to play. If you want her to have the list on. If you want to hear the slay list. 5701949. And tell us on our Facebook page if you want it. If you want to hear what's on it. I don't even know what's on there. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. You're not allowed to look. Don't look. Don't look. Yes. Oh, I bet you that's on there. Oh, the timing. What if it is? What if it is? Oh, I love it. Listen. Look at her. She is sweating. When I had one in college, that was on me. See, you had one. In college. When we come back, I want to plug into that computer of hers and play it. Give you more Mikey with no commercials. Tune in this morning at 8.30 a.m. for 30 Minutes of Uninterrupted Mikey. Brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. From the director of Zombieland. Yes. Critics agree 30 Minutes or Less is the best comedy of the summer. I got shot with a pen today. With a pen, bro. Awesome, funny, and outrageous. You want to know who I saw naked? Janet Rifkin. My brown hands all over her. Nice, white, and white. Every single minute of this movie is hilarious. Remember when me and you worshipped the devil for like two weeks?
That was my best two weeks of my life. Go see 30 Minutes or Less in theaters this Friday, fools! Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parents. See how far it goes at youtube.com slash 30minutesorlessmovie. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Ben, the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to The Mikey Show. The Mikey Show. Good job. Excellent job. Huh? Or text at 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Poor Jay. He is freaking out. Just want to let you know that you get all the speed you need at a great price. $14.95 a month for 12 months. One year term. One year price guarantee. That's right, Mike. Maybe I slit your throat while I sleep. Better yet, while you eat.
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For thicker, stronger, and longer hair, log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM94.9 at checkout for a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com. And remember to enter FM94.9 at checkout for your special discount. OvationHair.com. Hey, I'm hearing all this talk about 4G in San Diego. So I go to Verizon and I ask the sales guy, so 4G, huh? What's the big deal? He says, it's not just 4G, it's Verizon 4G LTE. And it's not a little faster, it's 10 times faster than the 3G smartphone you have now. I say, hmm, really? But in my head, I'm thinking, unbelievable. Then I ask, all that 4G LTE speed, got anything that can keep up? Yeah, he says, the new revolution by LG. You can shoot and share full HD videos and multitask like never before. Now my brain's going so unbelievable. Verizon 4G LTE, the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America, now with more coverage across San Diego. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon.
Activation, early termination, and other fees apply. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4GLTE. It's back to school time, and Vons makes it a great time to give back to schools. When you buy participating items, 10% of the purchase price will go directly to the school of your choice. Look for the school bus tags on participating items now through September 13th. Use Vons Club at checkout. Then choose a local school to receive 10% of the price of the items you buy. Simple as that. So load up the card at Vons and help out your local school. And summer shines on at Vons with these fantastic Vons Club specials. Fresh 80% lean ground beef is only $1.97 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Two-pound containers of Pure Wall blueberries are just $4.99 each. And don't miss our buy four, save four dollars offer. Mix and match your favorites. Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Chex, Fiber One Granola Bars, and many more. Look for buy four, save four dollar tags on participating items. Get back to schools and save on summer. That's ingredients for life. Vons. See store for details. Who has the best back to school event in the business? Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back to school items. That means big savings on everything on your back to school list.
Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. One-inch binder, just 50 cents. Three-pack paper-made erasers, just 50 cents. Pourable glue, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Don't be late. Expires 8-13. Binders and erasers limit 3, glue limit 5. Hear the authentic surf report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. This report, it's brought to you by Del Taco. It's Thursday, Taco Night at Del Taco. Coming now for three chicken soft tacos for just $209. That's three chicken soft tacos for $209 every Thursday from 3 to 11 at participating Del Taco restaurants. Well, it looks like the 15 northbound after Miramar Way still working on a fuel spill that they're cleaning up there. On the 15 northbound after the 76, there's a tractor trailer stuck in the number three lane. And the drive on the 15 southbound right before Rancho Bernardo.
road, it's pretty tight because there's an accident over on the right shoulder. This report brought to you by Brandman University, part of the Chapman University system, a non-profit school focused on working adults. Visit brandman.edu to learn more. Brandman University, do better. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like a skinny fry. I don't like thick. I don't like thick fry. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. Woods. Oh, I want filth. I want straight filth. As filthy as it can get. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. If you would like to hear us play L.O.B.'s lovemaking playlist, let us know. 570-1949. It's overwhelming. The response on Facebook is over-freaking-whelming. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show to like our page and to be a part of this. I am looking at it right now. You are. My dirty laptop. Literally. Literally. Your dirty laptop. M1 Noob from Spring Valley. L-O-B, you owe me. Why?
The other week I was in studio and you weren't even there that day. Oh, then she definitely owes you. Definitely a fair trade-off. 570-1949 if you want us to play LOB's Lovemaking playlist. If you want to hear what's on it. And yeah, Woods is right. Overwhelmingly on our Facebook fan page. That's what it says. Mike, what's it called again? The playlist? Ange. Short for Angel. I had forgotten. M1 Jose from Spring Valley. What's up? Do you want to hear it? I definitely want to hear it. I'm going to put L.O.B.'s face up on my phone here while I listen to it. Holy smokes. Are you related to Jay Isbell? What's your name? M1 what? Can you turn your radio off, please? Do you want to hear it? Yeah. Oh, boy. Mikey, show who's this. Hey, this is M1 Andrew. Andrew, would you like to hear her lovemaking playlist? Look at her. She is. She's a vomit. She doesn't throw up. Would that even be a question? Of course. Of course. It's probably really boring, weird, like, I don't know. Song number one. Oh, boy. Unbuckle those belts, fellas. Got it. Wow. That's a great one.
Question. Answer. This is to get into the mood? I shuffled. And then it goes, and then it... I shuffled. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Should I finish this? Should I finish this sentence? What would Eskimo do right now? My brain is saying, dare you finish this statement? She can't look at me. She starts to talk, she looks at me, and then she can't. Let me tell me. There are... There are different speeds in there. Are you kidding me? Jay just walked into the studio. Dirtiest bird in the room. They're not listed that way? They're not listed? They're shuffled around and then... Then sometimes the music will dictate. Your computer is actually on shuffle like it in the iTunes.
The music will dictate. The music will dictate. The music will dictate. The music will dictate. The music will dictate. Sometimes I say sometimes. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Honey. I wish we had a webcam and I would reenact the song. My bra is coming off. This is Johnny Lang and this song is called Breaking Me. Oh. Yes. Look at her. Oh poor L.O.B. She wants to throw up. This is so ill. What speed with this? Oh wow wow. Oh, my gosh. This is when Matt dresses up like a black guy. Yeah. She's hiding her face with a pillow. Donna Summer. Maybe the first time she's ever been on a lovemaking playlist. Oh, my God. Maybe not. Are you kidding me? Oh. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Holy cow. This is what. Oh. We learned our striptease class to that song.
It makes me feel like not so awkward. This is also on our lovemaking playlist. Everything you want. It's vertical horizon. Yeah. Vertical horizon. You get it, Mike? Vertical. Vertical standing up, though. Oh, Woods. This is more for Matt than her. Look at her behind her. She's behind. She's behind. She is cowering behind the curtain. Oh, my God. This is great. This is so intimate. This is like her standing on stage nude. This is work. You're so sweaty, we're only three songs in. You shouldn't even barely be worked up yet. Broken sweat yet. Thank you. Let's see what's next. Here's where it gets good. Bob Marley, turn your lights down low. Turn your lights down low. And pull your window curtain. Thanks.
She just let her hair down? Oh. She shook her head? Yeah. She just shook out the clip. Mm-hmm. And the hair just, in slow motion, just billowed down. Like Rose from Titanic. Yes. Ooh. Next. Dirty, filthy. Yes. Yeah. We are. We are. The Pussycat Dolls. Oh, easy. Don't you? Oh, my God. Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods. At one point, you know, one day, she clicked on the plus symbol and started dragging. Yeah, just drag, drag, drag for that song. It was a project. Right. There are 40 songs on there. Boy, that Matt is something special, isn't he? Good Lord. The guy should be in movies.
Two hours and 48 minutes of total playtime. Let's hear it from Matt Commerce, guys. Holy cow. He's impressive. I haven't done that since college. Just dragging him in. Yeah. You. Get in there. Get in there, you. When she was making out with her boyfriend, she was playing, Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me. Oh, wow. It's just for fun. Bob Dylan. Jam right here. knocking on heaven's door. Would have gone with a different version, but great song. Yeah. There's nothing like making... Oh, how about this one? What do you do? Yeah, what do you do? You just get high on ecstasy and make love to your boyfriend? Or what do you...
I love this song. She's mortified. She has a pink sweater on and her face is the same color. 100 L.O.B. Mazzy Star, fade into you. The best. What speed would Matt be going at this point? Foo Fighters, Everlong. It builds and builds and builds. Prince, Little Red Corvette? Probably would have gone with When Doves Cry. This is not your list, bro. David Gray, be mine. Again, if you're just tuning in, you're listening to Lauren O'Brien's lovemaking list called Ainge. Yes. Liar. Short for Angel. M1 Lex from San Diego. Good morning. Good morning. I just wanted to call in.
I feel like you guys are picking on L.O.B. a little bit. You do? Poor thing. You do? Hold on, hold on. Every woman I know has one of these mixes. Thank you. Your point being? The point being that I think people just want to listen so that we can get tips and pointers for what to put on our own. Yeah, that's right. Talk to you, L.O.B. Thank you. Wow. You guys are dirty birds. Don't take any more calls. Taj Mahal. Loving in my baby's eyes. Wow, this would distract me. Prince. Purple Rain. Good call. Troy Kassar Daily. I'm sorry. Troy Kassar hyphen daily. Bow River. I'll say. You should have left it there. Loggins?
And Messina. You sex pervert. Sex pervert. You are a mystery. She's taking her headphones off. She's taking her headphones off. She doesn't think she can make it. They stop? Yeah, they lay there and smoke a cigarette. They share a marijuana cigarette. Shut up. Another David Gray song. He's a big player. This year's love. Oh, yeah. I'll say. You've now moved into the bath. Wow. Great. Alicia Keys, If I Ain't Got You. Okay. The next song, I want to know what kind of weird... What is it? I want to know what kind of bizarro world one has to live in to put AHA, Take On Me, into their lovemaking place. Got a pretty good tip, by the way. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Take it. Go. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, here we go. Get ready, honey. Four alarm fire. Yeah, that's it right there. That's the spot, honey. That's the spot. The video is sexy. I blowed away. What a sex pervert you are. She's beat red. Beat red. Beat red. She is fanning her shirt. Fanning her shirt. M1 grunting baby from San Diego. Everyone, I think we all need out here in the M1 nation to really respect her. Go on Facebook. Do not go on her Twitter page and post fake lists of our own age. Don't do that. My blog tonight will be my own age. I'm going to have a t-shirt that says age. Oh, 100%. Everybody do your ages tonight. M1 green man from San Diego.
What is the significance of Ainge or Angel? Why is the list called Angel? Because her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, BFMC, Matt, calls her Angel. She was going to call it Boner, but he was afraid that somebody would find out. Shut up. Shut up. I was not. And one Oscar from IB. Hey, listen, anybody that would put AHA on their playlist, I don't know what they're going to do. I don't know what they're capable of. There's nothing wrong with AHA. Oscar? Yeah. Yeah, LLB? Yes. Can I have a copy of the playlist? No. Oh, she's selling it on perverted websites. She's going to sell it on perverted websites. It'll be in Ball Gag Monthly next month. I'll sell them on disc for charity. You should. Thank you. Oh, the acoustic version of The Cures. Is that done yet? Oh, no. We got a while. You know that. We got all day. Don't we have a commercial free block coming up? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think people are over it. No, they're not. The sweetest taboo. Oh, yeah. This is a good one. This is a good one. That's baby making music right there. Yeah. What about...
Brian McKnight. Oh, this is not on there. Oh, wow. Yeah. Drag that one in there. When Matt hears the song, he's like, great. She's now picturing me as a black man right now because it's slow. As we're making love, she's pretending that I am Michael Vick. And LaShawn McCoy is watching. While we're in Julius Irving's bedroom. Hello, Brian McKnight. Hello, hello to you. Babe, are you having a shower yet? I'm ready. I miss you. Hold on. Was this during an experimental stage of your life? It was one time. Please don't say that that's Melissa Etheridge. That is Melissa Etheridge. Come to my window. Do you want to kill me? Yeah.
I've never seen her look like this. She's behind that curtain again. It's one of my favorite moments ever. That's a deal breaker right there. You're like going and all of a sudden this pops on. What about this one? She's a serial killer. She's a serial killing sex worker. Oh my gosh. Are you just prancing around the room at this point? I'm now pacing. Matt is... bloody because he's trying to claw through the window. See it with a scarf dancing up to him. Oh my gosh. Are you kidding? I want to listen to this on podcast on my way home. M1 Bill from Oceanside. I'd like to know what is Matt's favorite song on the playlist. Matt doesn't care. That is such a lie. Do you reach over and skip? That is a lie.
He has a favorite song. Hey, Mikey, does it have a number of times it's played? We can see how many times this playlist has gone through. How do you do that? It should have. We should be able to get it. Yeah, show me, show me, show me. Shut up. Oh, my gosh. Probably 9,000. This is not part of the deal. Here. Scroll there. Sometimes I use Pandora. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. L-O-B, you're right. That song has played. 44 times. I'm going to put the hot dog in the bun. That's 7,000 minutes. The next song is Bob Marley. It's played 10 times. This song's played 50 times. This one. She may be a stripper. 100%. The greatest Mikey Show moment ever. In my opinion. Way to go, Matt.
Holy cow. Matt's under his bed right now. No, I bet he's dancing around going, yep. We have to take... I'm so hot. Can we be done with this? No, no, no. We cannot be. We're a quarter the way down. Yeah, we're a quarter. Let me tell you this. When we come back, there are only a few more songs. You're listening live to L.O.B.'s Lovemaking Playlist. But when we come back, we're also doing another commercial-free block because of Sony and our love for them. The movie 30 Minutes or Less comes out tomorrow. And because of that, they've bought a couple of commercial-free blocks, okay? One of them is coming up next, and it'll last until 9.20. Kind of like Matt.
Never call you my bitch or even my boo. So much in the name and so much more than you. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9. This is the FM. Hey there, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Like Thursday night, Big Sonic Chill presents... See ya at House of Blues. And on the 16th, Death Cab for Cutie hits Rimac Arena. Next Friday, the 19th, it's the 311 and Sublime with Rome show at Cricket Wireless. On the 24th, Company of Thieves are at the Belly Up, and you can see Fitz and the Tantrums at the Del Mar Racetrack September 2nd. Still to come this summer, two nights of thievery corporation at House of Blues September 7th and 8th. Atari Teenage Riot will play Porter's Pub. The Agri-Lights and Bucko 9 are coming to the Belly Up. An About the Music show with the Givers happens at the Casbah. There's also TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys, Two Doors Cinema Club, Portugal the Man, Erasure, CSS with Men, Blitz and Trapper with Dawes, and another About the Music show with the pains of being pure at heart. There you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. It's the end of the model year.
And Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now. Get 1,500 cash back or 0% financing on Sentra. Get bottom line prices on our top of the line vehicles with 1,500 back or 0% on Sentra. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars, great offers, equals more savings. And that's the bottom line. This event ends August 31st. Hurry in today. $1,500 consists of 1,000 Nissan cash, 500 and night cash. Financing for 36 months. $2,778 per month per thousand borrowed. See dealer for details. Call 1-888-858-8319 for offer and inventory details. Ends 831-11. AIS? Oh, man, are they good. Here's the thing. You get AIS. You could be saving hundreds of dollars. I saved $1,600 a year just because I made a switch. 1-800-777-4AIS, and you could be doing the same thing. Give them a call today. You could be doing the same thing. Average person saves over $500 a year just for making the switch. Now, I saved $1,600. Wood saved $700.
$6,700. It's incredible. And you could be getting all these other discounts just because you've got multiple cars, you're a good driver, a good student, you have multiple policies. All that stuff can save you money. 1-800-777-4247. 1-800-777-4AIS. Or AISinsurance.com. Hey, this is Jay with the Mikey Show. Join me today at Denny's by the Sea from 4 to 5 p.m. It's out in Carlsbad, 3290 Carlsbad Boulevard. We've got the League of Most Interesting Challenges going on today, and you can take me on in a head-to-head competition. We've got Dave and Buster gift cards to give away. We're also going to be registering to give away Death Cab for Cutie tickets. Still Pulse tickets. See ya at House of Blues. And check this out. VIP tickets to Motley Crue. It's all today at Dini's by the Sea from 4 to 5 p.m. in Carlsbad. If you need more info, go to FM949SD.com. It's back to school time, and Vons makes it a great time to give back to schools. When you buy participating items, 10% of the purchase price will go directly to the school of your choice. Look for the school bus tags on participating items now through September 13th. Use Vons Club at checkout. Then choose a local school to receive 10% of the price of the items you buy.
simple as that. So load up the card at Vons and help out your local school. And summer shines on at Vons with these fantastic Vons Club specials. Fresh 80% lean ground beef is only $1.97 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Two-pound containers of Pure Wall blueberries are just $4.99 each. And don't miss our buy four, save four dollars offer. Mix and match your favorites. Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Chex, Fiber One Granola Bars, and many more. Look for buy four, save four dollar tags on participating items. Get back to schools and save on summer. That's ingredients for life. Vons. See store for details. Who has the best back to school event in the business? Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back to school items. That means big savings on everything on your back to school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. One-inch binder, just 50 cents.
Three-pack paper-made erasers, just 50 cents. Pourable glue, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Don't be late. Expires 813. Binders and erasers limit 3. Glue limit 5. The best days of summer are here. That means more time with friends. More fun. More parties. And nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot. Or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita. An experience that tastes so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2011. Imported and bottled by Free Blind. Mary lost her mastiff name, Marbles. She also lost her keys. And where was the leash? Thankfully, one thing wasn't missing. The ink. With HP Multipack, she printed oodles of missing posters for all her missing things. But then she found Marbles, with her keys, and his leash. She didn't need all that HP ink after all. But she was happy she had it, because you just never know when you'll lose your marbles.
Print more and save up to 10% with everyday pricing with HP Multipacks, founded a retailer near you. HP. Hit print. Compared to single standard HP ink cartridges based on average retail pricing. Morning, Joe. Morning, Miss Thompson. One of these days, it's going to happen. Somebody's going to try to talk you out of boar's head. Joe, I'd like a half pound of that boar's head turkey. I got something for you, Mrs. T. It's a new turkey on special. It's not boar's head, Joe. Well, they tell me it's kind of like boar's head. It's not boar's head, Joe. It's almost boar's head. It's not boar's head. Do it for me, huh? What do you say? What do I say? It's not boar's head. Yeah, I know. So I take it this boar's head is what you want, huh? That's what I like about you, Joe. You catch on quick. Everyone knows Boar's Head Oven Gold is the best turkey in America. But to get it, sometimes you have to insist. Ask them to show you the Boar's Head branded on the turkey itself. In other words, demand the brand. Boar's Head.
Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boris Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. 30 Minutes of Uninterrupted Mikey. Brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. I'm Danny McBride. And I'm Aziz Ansari. It's impossible to tell you everything that goes on in our movie 30 Minutes or Less in 30 Seconds or Less. But we're going to do it anyhow. There is a bank robbery. Cha-cha-cha-ching. A Latino hitman named Chongo. I'm a satanic Hispanic, doggy. A pretty awesome homemade flamethrower. Torture. A stripper who tries to kill me. Seems kind of messed up. It's not messed up, dude. It's barely even murder. Go see 30 Minutes or Less in theaters this Friday, fools. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parent. See how far it goes at YouTube.com slash 30 Minutes or Less movie. This report, it's brought to you by the Nissan Bottom Line Sales Event. It's the end of the model year. Nissan's laying it all on the line. The Bottom Line Sales Event. It's going on now. Tremendous selection. Great offers. Bottom Line savings. Visit ChooseNissan.com or your local Nissan dealer. All right, let's see what's going on on these freeways. We've got some delays. You want to be careful as you travel on the 52 eastbound before Santo Road because there's a ladder in the left lane. Also, Escondido, the 15 southbound before Via Rancho Parkway, an accident in the center divider. Some backup here on the 8 westbound after Qualcomm waited to an accident on the right shoulder. This report brought to you by REMAX. Knowledge is equity. Talk to a REMAX agent today. Discuss your options. REMAX, outstanding agents, outstanding results. Find an agent.
At Remax.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. What does it do, Jay? It makes it 3D. I wanted one of those avatars to be like, and like beat my face and go. Woods. If 16-year-old girls are in on something, I'm out on it. Lauren. I'm very aggressive when it comes to lines. And Jay. If you want any, you'll be nice to me. Yes, ma'am. On FM 94.9. Get the music out of here. Just done. Yeah, just go ahead. Just go right into it. Okay, we... First of all, I've never seen her this uncomfortable. Never. Ever. I've done some creepy stuff in here, and it doesn't get her. Not like this. Nothing. I just put Woods' deodorant on. Yes. That is a true story. That is a true statement. Ella Bee is sweating, her face is bright red, and she is more uncomfortable. She looks different than she did when we walked in here this morning. Oh, yeah. Thank you for that. Well, what I mean by that, Ella Bee, is that you have had a good 15, 20 minutes now of embarrassment. Usually the human body can take...
So much embarrassment. Five. I'm in post-traumatic stress. That's right. That is true. Thank you. PTSD. I've lost some weight because I've been sweating. LOB made the mistake of letting us know that she has a lovemaking playlist. Now, it could just be a cuddle list. It doesn't have to be. Well, but you said. Right. Lovemaking. Now, her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. He said on our fan page that his mom's in town. Yeah. Should be a comfortable dinner tonight. Oh, I'm sure it's comfortable now. His mom goes, oh, that's funny because I thought I was the only one that had Patsy Cline on my love making playlist. It's weird because I'm a little older than you. So I thought that Patsy Cline would be relevant to my generation. You think she's saying, well, didn't think in this lifetime I'd know that.
That playlist is two hours and 48 minutes long. It's boom. And that some of those songs have been played 70, 80 times. Yeah. Well, for instance, the song by Common, I Was Wrong, is 52 times. Okay. Wow. Weird. Common's an African-American guy. Yeah. Sade, By Your Side, 26 plays. Yeah. It shuffles. Yeah. Do you have a solo playlist? What is guy not able to say something? Do you have a solo playlist? I don't know, Jay. Thank you for asking. 70s, Tim Conway, Don Knox flick. Yes, Alex. Who the hell is Don Knox? This is on her playlist. Right here. Yes, that is... That's on everyone. Let's stay together. Well, I guess you have to stay together. Yes. At least a little bit longer. Sade. Big player on her. Oh, more Bob Marley. This is Waiting in Vain. Come here for a sec. Yeah. What any love-making playlist be like without the box? Well, she's from Jersey. She's from Jersey. Wow. Yeah. If you're a 55-year-old man. If you carry a bandana around in your jeans. Yeah. Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?
Hey, little girl. Is your daddy home? I'm going to leave you all alone. Whoa. I got a bad desire. I'm on fire. Stevie Wonder, all I do? Do you ever have black people on your list? Eric, yeah. Babe, I'm feeling kinky. When are you? Matt. Matt, life counts. Babe, I love you. I love you. I'm not. Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you lately? You're a jerk. Give mommy a kiss. Daddy, come give mommy a kiss. Daddy, give mommy a kiss. Daddy, give mommy a kiss. Daddy, give mommy a kiss. I don't understand mommy and daddy. Time to speed things in a little bit.
Let's get it on. Let's get it on. Did you know that he died choking himself while masturbating Matt? This guy? Michael Hutchins. Did I do anything for you? Isn't it? Another Bob Marley? No. Make love to me, baby. Baby, make love to me. Put your hand on my neck. Whoa, whoa. Can I slap you? You ever put black artists on your... Excuse me while I whip this out. This is the greatest. Babe, it's Jeff Buckley, you know what I mean? This is the warm-up song. Let's see if we can take it off with water. You guys are so funny. This is kind of a...
There's only one more song after this one. Let this one roll for a sec, Mike. I think you might appreciate this guitar riff. Ready? Here it comes. A little hip motion. There you go. Shirt shimmy. He's going for it. A lot of hip motion. Very violent. Let's just say giddy up. Everybody, we're all going to get late. And here's the last song on her make love list. Wow. You ever put black guys on your playlist? She's making me want it. And boom goes the dynamite. Oh my gosh. You know, it's times like this at the end of the night that I like these cool things down, babe. Let's slow it down a little bit. Do you know how I like my eggs? Of course you do. You've made me eggs.
Fertilized. 7,000 times. Unfertilized. How was this one not on there? I thought that they're, you know, of all the songs, I'm really shocked. Touch my body. Touch my body. That was one of the best hours of radio. For you guys. Without question. Happy birthday. Well.
I hate to interrupt all of the fun, but we do have M1 Brendan on the line. Just to kind of recap you on who M1 Brendan is, he called us because his girlfriend works at UTC, takes a lunch break, and every day eats in the food court. So he was going to surprise her, come by and say hi. So he calls her and he says, what are you doing? And she says, I'm sitting here like a dork having lunch by myself. he is going to surprise her. She doesn't know it, but he's actually there. So he's going to do the thing where he goes, hey, look over here to your right or look over here to your left. And there he'll be. And he will sort of scare her. I can't believe he did that. But when he turned the corner, he sees that she's sitting there with a guy. And so she lied to him when she said that she was sitting there by herself. So we called and we asked her, what gives?
What are you doing? And she says, well, first of all, as a co-worker, second of all, he's gay. We said, well, then why did you lie? She said, because he's a jealous guy, my boyfriend, Brendan. Hello. And so she said, if you don't believe me, why don't you just meet us for lunch today? See for yourself. So he did. And we're going to talk to him right now. Now, this is one thing I do want to point out. We did say that it's really kind of a no-win for him. If he finds out that she's cheating, it's a no-win. Devastating. If he finds out that the guy is really gay and a co-worker, then he's a creep enough that she had to lie to him. More than likely. There's also another reason that it's not good. And that is, as LOB pointed out, she could be in cahoots with this guy.
Tell them that you're gay. And they're having a fling. No. Brendan, are you there? I am here. And you went to the UTC food court and met them for lunch? I went, had lunch, and, you know, this is exactly what you guys told me because I'm going to tell you what happened, but there is no winning for me in this. Like, I am. I'm in a bad spot right now. What happened? So, okay, so we have a conversation. By the way, she was very angry because I decided to talk to you. We knew that. We knew that. Surprise. So that was already going to be strike one against me. So I go there and I meet your man. No, that's not our man. Your man. So I go there and that is her co-worker and he is, in fact, gay.
So, you know, we've got a big problem here. Was he holding hands with a guy? No, he was not holding hands with a guy, but there were some characteristics about him. Okay, but how do you... We had a GLAAD shirt on. Yes, he was wearing a rainbow suspenders with a rainbow afro wig, and he's a white guy. How do you know, like Lauren said, that he wasn't in cahoots with her? and he was just pretending to be gay, when in actuality, he's not only not gay, he's very straight, and he's hanging out with your girlfriend. You know what? I already have enough trouble. I'm following under the assumption that, you know, he was acting a little bit... Effeminate. And effeminate. So, you know what? I'm going to follow up on the fact that I believe that he is definitely gay, but the problem is that I also... He meets me and he's like... oh, Brendan, good to meet you. And I'm like, so this guy, this guy's obviously heard a lot about me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, you've got to walk us through this. You walk in. I want to know how it all unfolds. You see him, you see her. How does it go down? Okay, so I see him and, you know, from when I had initially seen him and he was,
you know, seated having lunch, you know, I guess I couldn't notice that his tan was just a little too tan and that, you know, his hair was just like a little too combed. Like, because I maybe should have seen this coming. So he says to me, he says, you know, well, it is good to finally meet you. And you can tell he's kind of, he's kind of looking me up and down. He's kind of judging me. Like you can just feel the judge. Very catty. Maybe he was flirting. Yeah, I mean, I thought I was going to have to, you know, take this guy outside and, you know, show him that, you know. Kiss him to death. So we sit down and, you know, I should have seen this coming too. I challenge you to a kiss fight. Outside. Now. But he says, he's like, so I heard you're a little jealous of me.
So now she's walked him through what's going on here. She told him about all this. She couldn't even just let me meet him, you know. So we're sitting there, and I'm like, listen, you know, I just thought, you know, maybe she didn't want to talk to me. I didn't know who you were. I've never met you. And, you know, then he's telling me how funny and how cute that whole thing is. Because I'm like, I don't find the whole thing cute. I was like, because right now I look like a big jerk. Jay said she don't want to have anything to do with coming on the air, by the way. Nope. She's mad. Now, Brendan, you son of a bitch, you listen to me. No, you listen to me. You do not treat her this way. It's not funny and it's not cute. I know you think you're cute. You kind of are, but it doesn't... It's not what... It's not what the point is. Did you fight this guy? No, I mean, I did not fight him. See, I tried to judge him back. Called him gay. And that showed him. That showed him. It's like she's gabbing with her girlfriends. That's what we do. Well, your girlfriend is beyond furious at you. Yeah, she's not pleased. I'd be mad too. She lied. If I was him.
Oh, he's not furious. I know, but he should be. She lied. Well, you know what? I'm still angry because I still can't figure it out. Because if she was sitting there with one of her girlfriends, I figured that she would have, you know, just said, I'm sitting here with Gina. Right. Well, think about it this way. She says, I'm here with, what's the guy's name? His name is Lance. Okay, I'm here with Lance. Of course he is. Then she has to be on the phone while you say, who's Lance? He's a coworker. Oh, really? Well, he's gay. I mean, she probably didn't want to have that conversation there in front of him. So tried to avoid it. Never thought of that. Oh, he knows he's gay. Yeah, it's true. He does know he's gay. Yeah, but it's an awkward thing for him to just be sitting there as you're giving the rundown. Babe, don't worry about it. He likes dudes. I can't really say, but he's a gay. He's a gay? He's a gay? Mm-hmm. However, if it would have been me, later that day, I would have said, you know, I was actually at lunch with my gay co-worker, but I just didn't want to do a deal. She could have done the post thing. Well, Brendan, good luck. Buy some flowers. Buy flowers.
Maybe make a mixed CD of lovemaking songs for you guys. Make sure AHA's on there. Yeah, and Patsy Cline's a good one. Yeah, Patsy Cline is a good one. Melissa Etheridge is good. Yes. And anybody else that's African American. Make sure to put 84 songs from Bob Marley on it. Right. Three. Because nothing says let's make love like reggae. Yes. Thank you, Brendan. Keep us updated. I will, man. Thank you. Thank you. Good luck. Deadman. Jay has got a little something that we're doing for Sony because we're saying thank you to them for their movie 30 Minutes or Less. 30 Minutes of Uninterrupted Mikey brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. Let's do it. Let me hear it. You don't have to play a thing? I play it right at the end when we come out of this. That was a 10 floating 10. We don't have time, Woodsy. We're going to do it. You're not going to let me shoot this old bastard? Oh, yeah. But we don't have time right now because we don't have time. Oh, boy. Wow. We're going to do the... I want to shoot him. I know. But I want to shoot him now. I know you want to shoot him. I want to shoot him bad. You're going to get to. Relax. I really want to. You're going to. You've got to be patient. Okay. It's not my strong suit. I know. You are an impatient man. Yes. Weird. Tonight is the Charger game.
Chargers versus Seahawks. Seahawks tonight. Clown Pete Carroll will be in town roaming the sidelines. You only say that because you're a Notre Dame fan. He's always been a clown. He used to be a Trojan. Yeah, but he was a clown when he was with the Patriots. He's always been a clown. Nice hair. L.O.B., I'm going to think about your playlist all day. I'm thinking about it as we speak. Please don't. Let's just pretend this never happened. That's impossible. I will not be logging this for best of, since that is my job. You most certainly will. I will never speak of it again. It's one of the greatest best of moments ever. Nah. You can bet I'll be thinking about it all day long. After he, oh, you gotta see what he does after he says it. I can't look at him. No, I don't look. I wait a good three seconds. He raises his shoulders up, and he gives a look like, look what I did. As eating grin. Yeah, look what I did. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. It was just gigantic. Whatever you think you know about this man is a reveler. They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? Hopefully she gets put in the general populace, whatever it's called. General. Motorboat? Motorboat? You motorboating son of a bitch. You old sailor, you.
What is weird stuff? What was that? Take an old one-eye to the optometrist. It's actual audio of Jay. 70s Tim Conway, Dunnuck's flick. Taking a ride in the wild baloney. All right. When we come back, we are going to play Dirty Trivia with Jay. Yes. He gets it right? Nothing to worry about. He gets it wrong. Well, he gets an airsoft... It's an airsoft pistol fired at him. 30 Minutes of Uninterrupted Mikey brought to you by 30 Minutes or Less in theaters tomorrow. From the director of Zombieland, critics agree 30 Minutes or Less is the best comedy of the summer. I got shot with a pen today. With a pen, bro. Awesome, funny, and outrageous. You want to know who I saw naked? Janet Rifkin. My brown hands all over her. Nice, white, white. Every single minute of this movie is hilarious. Remember when me and you worshipped the devil for like two weeks?
That's my best two weeks of my life. Go see 30 Minutes or Less in theaters this Friday, fools. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parents. See how far it goes at YouTube.com slash 30. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Love it. Worst prom. Nobody want to go with me. Lauren. I'm a control freak. If I watch other people do things that I'd rather do, I'm like... I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. All right, so we are doing commercial free until 9.20. Thank you to Sony in 30 minutes or less. Movie comes out on Friday. And that's why you heard that little teaser for the movie. So what we're going to do is we're going to go out there. And let's see if I turn that on. Put the doorstop. With the doorstop. Oh, gosh. Woods, he got you. Just in time. He got you. Hi, guys. That is not going to help Jay at all, by the way, what he just did. No, it's not. He just gave Woods a ball check, and it was a good one. There's only one there. So we're about to play Dirty Trivia, and we're all going to have these airsoft guns.
And got to make sure that that microphone works, Jay. Oh, wow. What's got Jay good? Oh, wow. Wow. Working here. Oh, he got you good, buddy. He got you good. Oh, wow. Double. All right. He's going to the microphone. Let's test that thing out. Hello. Can you hear me now? I can hear you, but it's not very loud, but there's nothing we can do about it. Can you turn me up louder? Dude, I got it all the way up. How's this? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'll talk loud. Okay. All right. Here we go. All right. Let me get over that microphone. And, Jay, which one's the good pistol? This one. I'm cocking your gun. All right. It is. It is. I'm going to double check mine for ammo. All right, and Woods is going to read the questions. Don't open it because I just fixed one of them. They're broken. Okay. Wait a minute. One of these pistols was broke? Warren has a spring came out. But I fixed it. It's important. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, I'm getting a ricochet over here. Oh, yeah. Okay. So, Woods is going to ask the questions. If Jay gets the question, you've got to get it in the middle. You're not the boss of me. Wait, you are, actually. Hey, hey. Woods is going to ask the question.
If the question is correct, you will say correct. If it's incorrect, you'll say the word incorrect, and we are free. Question number one. Look out, Chris. Here we go. Yeah, Chris, look out. Who appeared as the first cover and centerfold model for Playboy in December of 1953? Why would I know that? Carolyn Monroe. Wow. Two people missed. One person got me. It's got to be real good. The current publisher of Hustler Magazine. The current? Yeah. It's got to be Larry Flint. Correct. Oh. Two pornography production companies. Ooh. Vivid. Yeah. He said Vivid. Oh, oh, oh. Production company. Pornhub. What? No. Woo. I couldn't hear you guys.
Couldn't hear it at all? No. Oh, gosh. Gosh darn it. First of all, you're speaking to this side of the microphone, and you have to turn it on. I thought it was on. You didn't have your mic on. I have my mic on because I'm over here. Well, I know, but we talk in this mic, too. We should just start over. Yeah. Well, they didn't hear the first two questions. Nobody heard the first two questions. Who appeared as the first cover and centerfold model for Playboy magazine in December of 1953? Jay didn't know. The answer is Marilyn Monroe. Of course. The next question was, who is the current publisher of Hustler? The answer is Larry Flint. He knew that. Correct. The next one was, name two porno companies he knew. Vivid. And something else. Give me another one. Pornhub, he says. All right. You ready to do the next one? All right. Ready? All right. Here we go. Jay, what is Girls Gone Wild? Girls Gone Wild. Is girls flashing, college girls flashing, like on spring break and that kind of stuff. Correct. And normally what happens is you subscribe to it. We got it. You can get the videos. We got it. Jay, who was the first black playmate in Playboy? Vanessa Williams. That's incorrect. Oh, in the hand. Who shoots somebody in the hand? Jay, that was Jennifer.
That was Jennifer Jackson in March of 65, which, of course, was your senior year of high school, and you should have known that. I hate you. Sorry. No shooting in the finger. Jay. Jay, what adult film star was the Boogie Nights character Dirk Diggler based on? Oh, he's big, and he's fat, and he's got a... Hmm. God, what is that guy's name? Ron Jeremy. That's incorrect. Ah! We isolate that, please. It was our old friend, Pete North. Finally, the final question. Last one, last one. Oh, thank God. Jay, name the ancient Hindu text widely considered to be the standard work for sexual behavior. Karma Sutra? Dang it. He said, well, he said Karma Sutra. He got it. It's Karma Sutra. You got it right. Don't you do it. I will retaliate. Dang it. I got the last one. By the way, that was Karma Sutra. Karma. Karma Sutra. Hey, let's hear it with Mikey Show Live, please. Karma Sutra. The Karma Sutra. It's a goldmine. What is I Don't Know? Welcome back, everybody. We are commercial-free until 9.20, thanks to 30 minutes or less. New movie coming out tomorrow.
Woods, that had to feel good. It did. It did. A little payback. He humiliates me on the reg. I always feel bad halfway through. Yeah, I never feel bad on that because I've taken plenty. I had to do it one time in a poncho. You got destroyed. You got destroyed. It was funny, though. It was. It was both humiliating and painful. Let's see. Still just trying to get that playlist. out of my mind, but it's going to be hard to do. Well, if you mix that playlist with the Karma Sutra, I mean, that's a hell of a weekend. I now have a blood blister on my finger where you got shot. I think it was L.O.B. I think it may have been, which I'm very sorry. Hey, listen. You know, when you're playing around... Next time, wear gloves. You know I didn't need to. It was awesome. I have a terrible aim. I think Lauren needs to be our next... No. Oh, she would never. Well, she didn't do it on purpose. She got lucky. I know, but we could shoot her. It's just fun. I was aiming for your stomach, so that shows how far off I was. This is pretty good. Some new things that you need to worry about. Did you know that it is actually pretty disgusting and weird for you to wear flip-flops? Here's why. Apparently, when you do, you're picking up bacteria from the ground, including, and not limited to, staph, strep, E. coli,
norovirus, and a few more. Now, if it's summertime, which it is when most people wear flip-flops, it acts like an incubator. So make sure that you wash your hands very good after you touch your flip-flops. Come on. I know. Come on. It's more work. I understand that. I would lick my flip-flop. It wouldn't matter. Nothing would happen. I would. It's okay. I know you would. I believe that you would. But I would. I know. Number two. Nothing's going to happen to you. You are too lazy about your kids' online safety. They just did a survey that said 62% of parents say that the only way that they really monitor their kids' online activity is occasionally they look over their shoulder, which makes you feel like a creep as a parent because you're peeking over your kid's shoulder. You listening, Woods? I'm listening. You are? Yeah, of course. Well.
66% of parents believe that they should be doing more, especially when it comes to Facebook. I mean, there's a million things that they should be doing online. I would give my kid like two hours of computer time a day. That's it. And I'm going to be sniffing around what you're doing. Well, I'll be sniffing around what you're doing. You can do your homework on it. Now, this next one, this next one's a doozy. You might not be crazy, but you're probably sick. Listen to this one. According to psychiatrists from Harvard, there's good news and bad news for 25% of people who think they have mental problems. Here's the good news. You don't. If you think that you might have mental problems, you don't. However, the bad news is you're probably sick with something else because everything from overactive thyroid.
to a brain injury, to epilepsy, or even syphilis can make you feel like you're going crazy. Once you're cured of those things, the mental problems will fade. What? That's funny. So there it is. So the good news is I'm not crazy. The bad news is I have syphilis. Yeah, pretty much. Or a brain injury. There could be more likely syphilis. Yeah. Yeah. Could be something up with you. Syphilis. You don't know. In his case, syphilis. Right. Yeah. How about this one? Syphilis. Definitely syphilis. Yes, definitely. Sometimes when you're on Craigslist, you will find various things that are, you know, actually really good. Syphilis. Yes. On Craigslist. You can find it. Yep.
I'm sure. Are you paying attention? There's a category for it. Really? With your bit? God, I'm going to stab you, dude. Oh, wow. Are you paying attention? Yes. Wow. God. Somebody went on Facelift. Facelift.com. Facelift.com. Craigslist. Are you paying attention? Are you paying attention? And they said that they were looking for a woman to, quote, carry my baby. Now, this was a guy. It was a man. And he said that what he was looking for, and I'm going to read you from the actual ad because the person wasn't grammatically together. I seek to have children, and this is the best idea I can think to find the right woman to plan my seed. Plan my seed? I've got to plan my seed. Yeah, I want to plan my seed.
I'm going to ride on your bus. Yeah, I want to plan my seat with you. You get it? I totally know what he's talking about. I know. You're speaking his language. It was off the air yesterday. It was off the air. It was after the show. And we were all walking into the other room. We have a suite. This is Suite M that we're in, Studio M. And we have a studio here. You open up the studio door. You go out into a large work area. And the work area is where Jay is. It's a big work area. What did Jay say? Something about sob? I'll sob it for you. I'll sob it for you. Woods goes, what's sob? Whenever Woods says, what is, I know I'm about to laugh. You mean solve? That's what I said, solve. It's the same. There's nothing about it that is different. Except in L. All right, so then this girl says this, or this guy says this, I'm looking for a mid-Michigan girl. I prefer a chubby girl, but I am interested in the prettiness of the face, shape of breasts, and eyes. I am six foot tall, fit, and look like Tom Selleck. Wow. Great reference. If you are six foot tall,
fit, and look like Tom Selleck, you don't need to put ads on Craigslist. You go to a singles bar. No, not if you want to actually be a father. You want to have a baby with somebody. You're not just going to walk into a singles bar and say, hey, how about you? No girls can take it. She's there to have a couple of drinks. Maybe you try what normal people do, and they get a girlfriend, they get in a relationship, and they get married and have kids. He tried that. Yeah. Maybe he's been trying. He looks like Tom Selleck and he's just, you know. Well, if you look like Tom Selleck, my point is you can try over and over and over and over again. But every time he gives someone a card and writes like that, then they're like, I'm out on him. That's right. Do you know this guy personally a little bit? No, I'm just saying. Because you seem to know a lot about this guy. I'm saying guessing by his grammar. He also says that he is a straight shooter and he doesn't have any addiction or weirdness. Obviously. Yeah. I don't think I ever had a girl turn me down for the way I write. Oh, my gosh. Is that the way you write and speak? Haven't you? I haven't. But you've been married for 87 years. Tim Conaway. Don Knox. Flick. All right. My wife thought it was cute. Does she still? Yeah. She actually does. She's changed a lot. It used to be a lot worse. She used to really give me a hard time. Now you give her a hard time. There was a guy. Often as possible. Guy in a New York City hospital. He embezzled.
a bunch of money. The way that he did it was he would order printer toner. Then he'd sell it. Jay. That old trick. On eBay. Is it weird that when I read this story in my mind I went, Jay. You're like, Jay would do that. Jay. He'd find a way. He would. Yeah. Chris, I need you to make another order. Wait, Mike. Actually, you can't do that. You're saying you can't do that? Jay, it's embezzlement. I thought it was called recycling. Haven't you been wondering where the coffee cups go? I thought I was calling my part-time job. No, I haven't wondered where the coffee cups have gone. All I have to do is go down to Kobe Swap Meet any Saturday to see you set up there selling the coffee cups I've been buying. We go through 500 coffee cups here. A week. A week. Very strange. I'll buy a box of 500 coffee cups. You notice I use ceramic. I don't want to waste my income. Yeah. Jay's not even using them. And a week later, I'm like, Jay, do you know where those cups are? Sure do. What cups? What cups, Mike? What's a cup? Describe them. They look like the ones in the back of your truck. Anyway, this guy was able to make $1.2 million off of toner over a period. Tell him that.
White, you're telling me so. So. Yeah, the guy got two to seven and a half years in state prison for it. So what are you in for? Toner. Toner embezzlement. Yeah, toner embezzlement. Hey, this is a very, very cool thing. Apparently, researchers who are trying to figure out a cure for leukemia just did this thing where, and they've been doing this for a while. Well, they will take. what's called T cells. And they try to manipulate the T cells to attack the cancer cells. Well, it hasn't worked. You know, they've tried it for a while. It hasn't really worked. Well, recently what they did was they took the blood from various people that had late stages of leukemia and they tried something a little different and they had a little bit of success. Basically what they found is that these T cells that they were able to make, Turn into cancer serial killers. Wow. And they just start attacking the cancer cells. Now, what was really fascinating about it is the patients. Again, late term leukemia patients. They inject them with this stuff. Nothing happens for two weeks. For two weeks, they're nothing. But then after two weeks, they get the most violent flu they've ever had. I mean.
violent flu. And the reason that they get this violent flu is that is the symptoms that occur when the body is ridding itself of cancer. So when that flu is over, they get better. They get better. It's insane, man. It's really insane. It just happened and hopefully they may be able to find a cure. For leukemia. Would be amazing. Yeah, a friend of ours has actually got it. A friend of Woodsy and I actually has it. In fact, I sent him this article. Good for you. And I said, hey, dude, ask your doc about this. Yep. And if you know anybody with leukemia or if you have leukemia, you definitely have to ask about that because that's pretty crazy. The most common first childhood memory. What do you think would be the most... Now, when I say that, what I mean is they asked a bunch of people. What's the first thing you remember in life? First naked girl. Of course. First day of school. First day of school for you, LLB? Or you're taking a guess at what you think... I'm suggesting. What people might have said, yeah. It's like family feud. Right, right, right. Maybe first family vacation. That's not bad. Now... Good answer. These are all good answers. Good answer.
However, I will say, and then I'm going to let you guess one more time. What they say is that, and when I say they, I mean they.com. What they say is that usually your first memory is traumatic. So knowing that, what do you think, Woods? Traumatic for spanking. Good. Yes. Seeing your parents do the hibbity-dibbity. Ooh, not bad. Jay? All of Jay's kids have experience. Yes. Dentist. It is, in fact. The dentist. Oh. The trip to the dentist is the most commonly named earliest memory. Mine sticks out. You can remember your first trip. Mine sticks out too, but I don't want to go telling everybody about it. Man, the dentist that we went to actually sharpened his own needles. They were reusable needles.
So people know, it was actually a walrus tusk. This was way back in the caveman days that he's remembering. Also, I bet you Jay's parents were a lot like him and very thrifty. So they probably hired a guy that also worked at 7-Eleven to do their dental work in an alley. The 49 Gold Rush. So they were on their way in a covered wagon from Texas to here. They were in the Donner Park. He sharpened? He sharpened his own needles, and they were square. I remember seeing it, and it was actually square. And they're like, oh, it's not going to hurt at all. Yeah, it is. It's a square needle. Lie. It was a lie, and it ruined me. Dude. It ruined me. They stuck a square, reusable needle in your mouth? Yes. That is gnarly. Still don't like the dentist. Never go. Hate it. Don't mind my dentist at all. I go to Dr. Miyamoto. He's got a... He has TV screens on the ceiling. That's cool. And so you get to watch a movie. You pick a movie. Why'd you roll your eyes at that? I did, because if you can find me a dentist where they don't have to stick anything in my mouth, then I'll go. I don't care about their flat screen or the sound system or... Well, when you go right now, you're listening to whatever's on the... No, I've done... Yeah, or that. No, I've done the... I think I've done the movie bit before, and I stare at the screen and try not to focus on... It helps.
The freak out. It doesn't. There goes my grundle. There's nothing about that at all. That's a nice sound. I just had a grundle flare up. Syphilis again. It must be that syphilis. Yeah. I had that licked into you. You're telling me that you wouldn't prefer? I've done it. I've done it. It didn't do anything. So it's like nothing. I went to this place in Dallas. It was sedation dentistry. It was like five grand or something. I went in for a consultation. I was like, well, yeah, I want to be sedated when you clean my teeth, but I don't have five grand. Yeah. Plus the sedation was a Jamaican guy with a billy club. Yeah. Well, I was going to say who had a fresh marijuana cigarette for you and you guys go in the back and that's your sedation. I'd be real paranoid. My dentist now does that. It gives you the funny gas. I love that. Me too. Funny gas doesn't do anything. I don't know why they call it. Do you think things are funny? No. They call it laughing gas. It doesn't make you laugh. But you don't laugh. It just makes you feel real good. He threatened to turn it down on me because I was reaching up to grab his hair plugs.
I was like, he had it cranked. And I was reaching up. I was like, I was going like this. He's like, I'm going to turn it down. I'm like, I'll behave. I'll behave. Holy cow. That's genius. He's pulling at his hair plugs. I was going to grab them because they were just so wild looking. Yeah, I prefer to watch a movie and have the laughing gasp. But anyway, that's what they say. Most common first memory is, in fact, of the dentist. You know what I was scared of when I was a little kid? What? Getting a haircut. Petra. of scissors. So are Luke and Ryan. Petrified. I mean, she would get, you know, she'd go, watch out, I'll cut your ear off and I'd be like, oh God, oh God. You know, with Luke, I cut, I have a little tiny pair of scissors that I'll use for my mustache and my beard and I'll just walk behind Luke when he doesn't know it and I'll, and then I'll walk behind him again and I'll go. You do a stealth cut? I do stealth cut. One, I do one, one pass, you know, I'll just do one. and I'll just keep doing it, and he doesn't notice. How does the hair look? Is it good? I think it's not bad. Yeah. I think it's bad at all. Did you guys see the pictures that I posted of Luke and Ryan yesterday? Yes. Ryan crying. You leave him alone. Oh, my gosh, with the crying. Poor guy. Why again? Why? Why was he crying? Because Nita moved his truck book off of the...
The guy wanted his book. Yeah, he wanted it. He's two. Sounds like somebody I know. I think he means you, Mike. I think he's talking about you, Mike. I think he specifically is saying you. He maybe is saying that it's learned behavior. Yeah. Maybe there's an upclip at the end of it. Oh, man. Pointed. This is about to get nasty. Pointed. Oh, wow. Oh, God. Jay will occasionally upclip the audio clips. Or won't. It's hard to tell sometimes. Well. Oh, wow. It is when our ears are a little more mature. Really? Your ears can't be more mature than those ears. Well, that's what I meant. I got you. When you're in your twilight years, you see things begin to wind down. Didn't we go with it this morning and no one else could hear it but you? That is true. That is a true fact. Until I closed my eyes and listened really carefully, then I could.
Guess. Are you talking about the Don Knox clip? I did it, all right? You wanted me to do it. I did it. Now shut up. I went back in. I did what you wanted, Matt. 70s, Tim Conway, Don Knox flick. Hear how that just cuts off just a smidge at the end? I don't hear it. It doesn't anymore for sure because I put a... You're screaming. You're screaming. You're making believe you're everything. You're shouting. So I think that what Jay's trying to say, Mike, is that maybe your son Ryan gets that finicky behavior from his father. Yeah. Well, maybe. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe Ryan likes to cry. And he does. He does cry quite a bit. Yesterday, he was on one. Were you shooting video? Yeah, it was their birthday. So you were doing the shooting video of birthday. Did they have cake and food and stuff? That's cool. Yeah. And she wanted me to cut it short because she didn't want the video years later to reflect that he was just crying. And there's a picture of your other son, Luke. And he's sitting in his high chair. And no BS has one leg cocked up on the chair. What's up, dude? And he's just looking at him.
Like, why are you doing that? Giving him the Captain Morgan. Yeah. One foot up on the deal. It's the greatest. Don't take your clothes off again, Woods. I won't. Let's make some noise. It's Mike and Show Live. Got a live studio audience in here with us. So, I still haven't told you about, figured out how to make a lot of money. And by a lot of money, I mean a $2 million jackpot. they cheated the system, but it was legal. Right. And if you could do it legally and you could figure out a loophole and you could figure out a way, more power to you, they did and got a lot of money, and I'm going to tell you how next. FM 94.9. Hey, gang, it's your OPW.
Those of you that don't know, it means your old pal, Woodsy. And I got to tell you about Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Ella B., are you getting excited to go see Dr. Sandy T. Feldman? Yes, I'm pumped. I've been wearing my glasses and I'm going tomorrow for my consultation. You're going tomorrow? Free consultation? Free consultation. Now listen, they're going to look at your eyes and they're going to say, yay or nay? Is she good for LASIK or isn't she? I hope so. I hope you are, too, because I got to tell you, when I got it done, it changed my life. I've got 2015 vision in both eyes right now. Give them a call today, 858-452-3937, or check them out online at www.clearvieweyes.com. They're doing something really cool, too. If you're a police officer, firefighter, military personnel, teacher, or a teacher's spouse, they're going to give you a savings on LASIK. But the first thing you got to do, step number one, is give them a call or check them out online. Phone number is 858-452-3937. The website is www.clearvieweyes.com. It's the end of the model year and Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now with 0% APR financing on Altima or get 1500 cash back on Altima.
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Studio audience in here. Looks like the stock market is recovering. It's almost back up to 11,000 at Dow Jones. It's gained 265 points since it opened today. Bam! Which is good, yeah. I mean, yesterday it was really down, so it's gained a little bit. Rich! Very good news. Want to let people know that tomorrow... No, wait a minute. Is today Thursday? It is. Today's Thursday, so it will be tomorrow. Tomorrow, starting at 830 in the morning, they are going to do a big motorcade that's going to leave Qualcomm Stadium for Officer Jeremy Henwood. He's the officer that was killed. And again, it's going to leave Qualcomm 830 tomorrow morning and proceed to the Rock Church in Point Loma for a service for Officer Jeremy Henwood.
which is really nice, and it's a public thing, and so that's pretty cool. I want to let people know about that. 570-1949 is our number, and we just did almost an hour of commercial-free, which was awesome. Pretty incredible morning being able to do that today. Welcome back. Do you have a five for me? I gave you a six. You did? Did you throw it out? Yeah, I did. 570-1949 is the number. And if you want, you can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Let's see. The Kardashian sisters are apparently writing a novel. Great. Yeah. It's going to be about their family life. They better have one hell of an editor. Yeah. That's like, all right, guys, I got to tell you something. T-H-E-R-E. It means there. When you want to say they are, but you don't want to write out they are, what you want to do is T-H-E-Y apostrophe. That's that little line. Right. Okay, right after the Y. That's a good idea. Then you do the R-E. That's a good idea. Also, loser is spelled L-O-S-E-R. It's not loser. It's not L-O-O-S-E-R. You big dumb.
Dunces. I don't think they'll be writing it in the first place. No. Ghost Rider? Yeah. It's called Dollhouse. It is? Mm-hmm. Holy cow. You gonna read that? You pick it up? No, it's fiction, by the way. Aww. So, like, this guy was walking and then he got hit by a car. Mm-hmm. And then my sister, I won't call her Chloe, I'll call her something else, Kate, picked him up and dusted him off and took him home and we adopted him. L.O.B. He's a pet. L.O.B. loves the show, right? I wouldn't go so far as to say that. It's got an addictive quality. So, you like it, though? I do. J.Lo is going back to American Idol. Oh, yeah. Thank God. Wouldn't be the same without her. I was so nervous. Yeah. I was freaking out. Losing sleep? Yeah. Well, I have been, but... Okay, so here's the thing. I told you that there was a couple.
Their name is Marjorie and Gerald Selby. They're married. They're in their 70s. They would have to be with names like Gerald and Marjorie Selby. Yeah, those are not big players for the younger generation. But anyway, they figured out a flaw in one of the state's more obscure lottery games. They play a lottery game and it's called Cash Windfall. Now, not that many people play it and not that many people win it. So the way that it works is they accumulate each week until it hits a $2 million jackpot. And they have some really gigantic, massively big secondary prizes. Well, a few weeks ago, the jackpot, the prizes, they hit the max out level. So the Selby's decide what they're going to do is they're going to split up. The woman is going to go to a liquor store and the husband is going to go to a coffee shop. And it took them three days, but they bought up.
A piece. $307,000 worth of $2 tickets a piece. A piece. A piece. So she's over doing her thing at the liquor store for three days. She had to sit there and print out. They had to print out $307,000 worth of tickets. It took three days. Again, he's at a coffee shop. He's doing the same bit. $307,000 worth. So what they did was they managed to be able to buy. Half of the possible 1,600 winning tickets for this game, cash windfall. They did some calculations. That was enough to guarantee they'd at least make their money back. Wow. Okay? Now, they haven't said if they won the jackpot this time, but the deal is is that the smaller prizes, the smaller prizes just for matching most of the numbers, they didn't even have to match them all. Just most of them.
are high enough that they've already cleared a million dollars. They've already done that. Can you imagine going through those tickets? And they do. And how much did it cost them? $600,000? Yeah, it cost them over $600,000. Oh my gosh. So they cleared $400,000. Yeah, I mean, you invest six bucks to make ten. You do it all day. You do it every day you can. Who has $600,000 to spend? No kidding. Cash. Wow. Yeah, cash. In dollar bills. They had to have it in cash. And if they're old as, you know. If they're like old, old people, I need one more, please. $1, $2. I would like one more, please. Oh, my gosh. That's why it took three days. $2. It would take the normal person an hour and a half. I would like one more, please. I'm standing behind her waiting to buy a can of snuff, losing my mind. Oh, yeah. Well, and imagine, because I'm sure they just took them back to figure it out. And they had to sit there and just throw all those things through the deal. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Okay, though. If you've got it, totally worth it. Yeah. Totally worth it. Isn't it? You make three days, you make $400,000. I won't see that in my lifetime, man. That's insane. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of dough. For three days work, you're just standing there. Yeah. I guess if you're not doing anything else, like they weren't. Mm-hmm. They weren't doing anything. It's a handful of dough. It is. Let's see.
So I'm going to play you a clip. I do not know what she sounds like, so I'm going to find out right now. I told you, I don't watch Jersey Shore. But this is Snooki. And is it Snooki? It's not Snooki. No, it's Snooki. You're 100% positive it's not Snooki. 1 million percent positive. Okay. Here she is talking about making Guido babies. Oh, God. Your boyfriend is actually here today. Yes, he is. A very handsome gentleman by the name of Gianni. And he, with a big smile on his face, there he is. He's a babe. Yeah. And he's next to your dad, Andy. And your dad said that he wouldn't mind seeing Gianni become his son-in-law. He said that? Cool. Well, you know, Gianni's a great guy, so, you know, I'm so down to making guido babies with him. Oh, my God. You're sure it's not Snooki? I'm positive. Are you going to do the deal? He wrote a book. You might ask what's the hook. She has a hoof and little short boots and really knows how to cook. We're Snooki. She writes about it in her book. I'm mad because it's not Snooki, it's Snooki. Somebody's actually, the interesting part, somebody actually has sex with that. Oh, yeah. There's not enough whiskey in this.
Universe. Let's get a book. We have babies. Let's make some noise in the studio. Be right back. We have Mikey Show live in here. We'll be right back. Oh, when we come back, quite a story to share. I have quite a story to share when we come back. This is the Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. This is awesome. The GoPhone. The GoPhone, right now, you can get your hands on for $50 a month on the nationwide network. It's the network you can trust. $50 a month. And there's no annual contract. They don't check your credit. They don't do any of that. So if you love to text, you love getting instant messages, the GoPhone's got unlimited talk.
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So I go to Verizon and I ask the sales guy, so 4G, huh? What's the big deal? He says, it's not just 4G, it's Verizon 4G LTE. And it's not a little faster, it's 10 times faster than the 3G smartphone you have now. I say, hmm, really? But in my head, I'm thinking, unbelievable. Then I ask, all that 4G LTE speed, got anything that can keep up? Yeah, he says, the new revolution by LG. You can shoot and share full HD videos and multitask like never before. Now my brain's going so unbelievable. Verizon 4G LTE, the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Now with more coverage across San Diego. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Activation, early termination, and other fees apply. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4GLTE. I'm Manny Batista. This is my story. Some of the older guys in our unit said their first time out was even tougher than they imagined. Dig in, they said. Follow orders. And wherever you go, take your Navy Federal credit card to buy a crib or a stroller or whatever baby thing your wife demands. Don't argue. Just buy.
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mashed into the iPad. It's like, you know, like if somebody falls asleep in their mashed potatoes or something, that funny, you know, funny, yeah. That's what it looks like. You know what I want to know? How did she get the iPad out of there without me, without me waking up? Because I'm face planted into it. You sleep face down? I sleep on my stomach. Weird. It's weird to sleep on your stomach? I think so. No, I sleep on my stomach. I sleep on my side. L.A.B. finds a lot of things just weird. Mostly about you. Yeah, mostly about you. You know what? You said something the other day, and it reminds me of this picture. You said when you get home, you like to get your iPad and lay on your stomach and look at your iPad laying on your stomach. Yeah, I'll go like this. I'll have the pillows like this. Right, like under your chest. See, I... much like you well no the ipad's not under my chest no no no the pillows are under your chest and you're like leaning over looking at your ipad i don't i can't sit that way for long i gotta be on my back laptop here working it hurts my back to do that i don't prefer that and then you could you actually fell asleep doing that yeah i must have been asleep for a while because the ipad stays on for a long time it's meant for to be a reader
And so it has to stay on for like 15 minutes with no activity across the screen for it to turn off. What were you looking at? I was reading, I'm sure. You're reading? Yeah. I have 50 Bibles on there. So I was probably reading them. Why do you need so many Bibles if they're the electronic version? Because they're all different translations. I have various translations. I collect them. Digitally and the other. The real kind. Hardback. Hardback. Sometimes paperback. I just got an ESV study Bible. Congratulations. ESV, of course, means... English Standard Version. Yes. I knew that. Digital or on hardback? Hardback. Hardback. Now, your hardbacks, do they just sit in a case? Are they to be perused, highlighted, looked at, or read? Highlighted?
Yeah, I do highlight my main Bible. I do too. Yeah, highlight it in notes all over. Yeah, me too. I thought that was some sort of like desecration. No, no. To highlight. Well, no, no. Burn it or something, that is, but you can highlight it. Yeah. It's not the original Bible. Yeah, it's not the Ten Commandments. Well, it isn't the Dead Sea Scrolls. It's Mike you were talking about here. You do have Moses tablets. Yes, I do. M1, Caleb from San Diego. What was the word of the day? Handful, I think. Hansel? Gretel. Handful, he's right. I've been called a handful a few times in my day. That is true. They were talking about your love handles. Hang on the line, please. It just does cut right to the bone, doesn't it? When he just reaches out and gets you like that. It's a lot of cutting. Oh, wow. All day, he has not relented. I know. It's because he got shot in the finger. Yeah, I didn't do it. Let's talk about this for a minute. He got shot in the finger. I'm attacking you. 570-1949. Right, you're attacking me. Hey, Jay, see if you can get Rebecca online. I want to ask questions about this picture.
Will you be posting? No. Mikey, dude, I don't have a shirt on. Okay, can you edit that part out and just do your head? I bet you could. It's your shoulder. It's no big deal. Well, somebody will make a D-head comment. There was a picture of me the other day with my hair and some guy goes, whoa, fat back. Put your shirt on. I go, you can't even see my back. And my back is not fat. My stomach is. Isolate. Maybe the greatest isolation ever. How you doing, Hillary? That was great. I'm doing well. How are you guys? Good. Do you think it's going to clear up out there? It's winter, dude. It is straight up cold. cold outside. It's August. I was walking in going, why didn't I bring a jacket? It's August. I know. I was supposed to go surfing this afternoon. I'm going to freeze. What happened? What's going on? It was nice and warm. Remember last summer was like this too. It was like summer never came to San Diego. It's cool. They should keep raising the rents here too. It's fine. It's cool, man. Tonight is the Charger game. They're playing the Seahawks. Yes. Tonight. They're playing on TV here too, right? Yep.
5 o'clock, it's going to be on ESPN, and it's a nationally televised game. In fact, it's the only nationally televised preseason game tonight, so that's pretty cool. What do you have coming up next, Hillary? I am going to play some Chemical Brothers, some telekinesis. I will play a band that's going to be in town next week, a song I haven't played from them in a long time, and also a band who's... front man just got engaged to a British actress, and they didn't know each other for, or hadn't seen each other for a long time, but they were pen pals as kids. Really? Now, he's a rock star. She's an actress. They met again at a show five months ago, and they got engaged. I want to know. Would you tell us off the air, please? You'll just have to listen, my dad. All right. We'll wait and see. And he does have my wife on the line. Hello, my darling. Hi. How are you? I've been listening, so I don't know what you guys are going to surprise me with right now. Don't you? No, I don't. I'm at Lori's house, and we're looking at paint colors. Is this pillow fighting there? Yes, Woods. They're just pillow fighting. Wow. Feathers everywhere. I just went to Lori's house in my necklace. Oh, nice. That's what we do. That's really weird. She likes my breath. All right. She likes my breath.
Babe, we were talking about the photograph that you took of me asleep on my iPad. So, how... You know what? What? I... Oh, man. This morning, I wrestled with... I wanted so badly to send it to L.O.B. and Woods. So badly. You made the right, babe. I'm telling you. Oh, boy. You made... The right decision. That's the wrong one that you would get real mad at. Yes. I just sent it to you. How did you get that? So what happened is, if you're just tuning in, as I fell asleep last night face down into my iPad. And so how did you get the iPad out from underneath me? I didn't. You woke up a little bit later. You just don't remember. You woke up. Okay, let me tell the whole story. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. So yesterday, late afternoon, he kept saying, like, I have so much work to do tonight. I have tons and tons of homework. I have tons of homework. I got to do my homework or whatever. And so after dinner, he's like, I got to go right upstairs after dinner, babe. I can't hang around.
I got homework to do. So I was downstairs for one hour after he went upstairs, and then I came upstairs to get something, and that's what I found. That sound about right, Crap Dad? Yeah. Hey, Crap Dad, couldn't visit with the family anymore. Had to go upstairs and go to bed, Crap Dad. Crap Dad goes upstairs, what's he do? Fall asleep right inside of that big old pile of iPads. You've probably been working out hard all day, though, so you probably wore yourself out. What was it, Mike? Just spending all day being tall? Is that it? Oh, wait. Being white too, Mike? Yeah, Mike. Your trainer must have wore you out, right? Your trainer just...