The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/18/11
Thursday, August 18, 2011
celebrity mishapscollege football scandalhostile interviewsfast food tantrumsworkplace social mediacelebrity raprecurring comedy bitsdog behaviorgame psychologyhigh school memoriesradiocomedy
Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, and Jay move between celebrity news and comic arguments, including Anderson Cooper cracking up over Gérard Depardieu, Nevin Shapiro's Miami booster scandal, and Christine O'Donnell walking out on Piers Morgan. Mikey argues that O'Donnell must answer questions about views printed in her own book, while the crew debates whether bosses deserve Facebook access and whether Anne Hathaway's paparazzi rap is bold or hacky. Recurring personal bits cover drive-through meltdowns, Jay's confused explanations in 'I'm Glad You Asked,' dog-dominance confessions, and supposedly scientific rock-paper-scissors tactics. High-school friend Kim Yaffe closes with stories of Mikey stealing her orthodontist photo, shooting her yearbook pictures, DJing adult parties, and being a popular funny outsider.
What happened, in order
Anderson Cooper Loses It
Anderson Cooper repeatedly dissolves into giggles while delivering pun-heavy coverage of Gérard Depardieu urinating on an airplane.
Miami Booster Scandal
Woods explains how jailed booster Nevin Shapiro allegedly supplied Miami football players with cash, cars, prostitutes, yacht parties, and injury bounties, putting the program at risk of severe NCAA punishment.
O'Donnell Walks Out
The hosts play Christine O'Donnell's tense Piers Morgan interview and argue that an author promoting a book cannot refuse questions about controversial positions she included in it.
Drive-Through Meltdowns
A story about a customer raging over tomatoes sparks confessions from Mikey and callers about missing ranch, wrong doughnuts, sour cream, and other fast-food mistakes provoking childish tantrums.
The Boss on Facebook
The crew debates whether employees must accept a boss's Facebook request and whether restricting a supervisor's access is healthy privacy or an openly aggressive signal.
Anne Hathaway Rap Debate
Mikey calls Anne Hathaway's paparazzi rap bold and playful, while Lauren O'Brien argues it is derivative and confirms her view that Hathaway is overrated and self-important.
I'm Glad You Asked
In the recurring child-question bit, Jay struggles to explain déjà vu, sexual bases, papermaking, and the phrase 'in a pickle' while Mikey, Woods, and Lauren deliberately derail every answer.
Barking Back at Dogs
A boyfriend barking angrily at a startled dog leads Woods and Mikey to admit barking at, biting, and theatrically dominating their own dogs to establish who is in charge.
Rock Paper Scissors Psychology
The hosts test champion Graham Walker's claims that novices open with rock, avoid repeating a throw three times, and can be subconsciously steered by an opponent's hand gestures.
Kim Remembers High-School Mikey
Kim Yaffe recalls Mikey stealing her orthodontist photo, photographing her for the yearbook, DJing her parents' parties, helping with her UCLA essay, and being a funny, widely liked outsider.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayAnderson CooperGérard DepardieuNevin ShapiroAntrel RolleChristine O'DonnellPiers MorganAnne HathawayNatalie PortmanGraham WalkerKim Yaffe
40,921 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I had a cold yesterday. Today, I am golden. We're ready to go. 570-1949. Give us a call. Don't forget, we have a live studio audience coming in here at 9 o'clock. Every single day now, we do a live studio audience, which is just the coolest. If you want to be a part of our live studio audience, just go to MikeyShow.com. You can sign up for it. It's a testament to M1 Nation, brother. It is, dude. Because when we started, we were like, wow. People going to come in on a Tuesday? I was worried. It's freaking packed. Yeah. Every single day. We have to turn people away every day. And I was like, there's not going to be enough people on a Wednesday or a Tuesday or Thursday or a Monday for sure. They're going to have the day off that will want to come in here at nine o'clock in the morning. And, you know, Chris, who's the guy that organizes it, had to tell us, guys, you know, we got way too many people coming in for this thing that we can handle. You tap the brakes, boys. You know, but hey, that's a good problem to have.
Keep it up. If you want to come in and hang out with us, please do. We'd love it. Yeah, just go to MikeyShow.com to sign up for it. Word of the day is fever. And when you hear me work that into a sentence, now in 10, caller 9, you get a pair of Park Harper tickets for Legoland. So you go to Legoland and to the aquarium, and you also get a pair of tickets for Friday's Padres game with Woods and his wife. Yeah, baby. Which is pretty cool. I'm Mikey. I am 41. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 36. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She's the blonde girl to my right. And Jay is our producer. He is 48 years old. And our phone screener is Chris. That's crap. That's crap. So give us a call. We start the show off every day and end the show every day with your phone calls. You can call about anything you want, and we want to talk to you. 570-1949. We did get our new buzzers in, so when we play Name That Tune now with you, we will know definitively who the winner of Name That Tune is because we have buzzers that will light up. Boom. You guys can't cheat anymore. You can't cheat anymore. I don't cheat. That's beautiful. See, Woods believes that Lauren O'Brien and myself...
He always believes that he's first to say his name. Yes. He is the loudest. The lights don't lie. That's for sure. The lights don't lie. The lights don't lie, and we will know definitively who is first. Sucks for you guys, is what I'm saying. That's right. That's what I'm saying. We'll see. That's right. Will we? We will. Well, we'll see. Maybe Woods is right. And he is saying his name first. Well, if we kept the points level the same, very consistent, then it would also be different. But we'll work on that later. What do you mean? Well, some days I'll get seven right and lose. And you guys get two right and win the game. Well, we always wait until the end of the game. Right. To see where I'm at on points. Not always you. Jay sees who's in the lead. Right. And in the very last moment, we'll try to make that person. suck eggs. Now, it isn't just Woods. It's whoever the leader is. If the leader is Woods, yes. If the leader's me, yes. And if the leader's Lauren, yes. It's like a handicap in golf. I don't know about that. What's golf? I don't know. You get on a big green and you hit the ball. I will say this though, Woods. You are the person getting screwed the most because you're usually in the lead the most. 100. Except on buzzword. Yeah, except on buzzword. Where Lauren excels. Yes. She's very good at that game.
All right, so what do we got coming up for you? I'm glad you asked. It should be called I'm glad you asked, but when Jay says it, it's I'm glad you asked. And that's really coming up for you later. Yeah. I'm glad you asked. And the way that it works is we pretend that we are children, me and L.O.B. and Woods, and we say to Jay, Jay, what is, you know, corn? And he's got to describe it. Like we're kids and he's telling a child. Why Jay? I'm glad you asked. Because Jay doesn't always have a way with words. And so we trample upon that like a hyena to a wounded zebra. Very annoying kids. It makes sense in his head. It makes sense in everybody's head. Except you three. And everyone listening. Tom Tom Tunes at eight. Michelle Bachman. who is running for president, says that she is going to bring back $2 a gallon gas. And she says, listen, she screams, under President Bachman, you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again. She told that to a crowd that she was talking to in South Carolina on Tuesday. She said that will happen.
I don't know how it will happen, but she says that it will happen. And it's true that gas prices have gone nuts. The average in this country is $3.50 a gallon since President Obama took office. It's interesting because I find myself getting excited now when I'm paying $3.79 instead of $4. I'm like, oh my God, it's dirt cheap. So, Woodsy, check this out. $3.50 a gallon is the average, right? Right. The day President Obama became president, it was $1.79 on average. You are kidding. What? Yeah, on average. Holy cow. On average. You know, that's a national average. So, you know, although it may not have been that in California, throughout the rest of the country, it was so cheap that it averaged out. Okay, well, today, it is not very cheap even in the rest of the country. To the point where the average is $3.50 a gallon. Man, wow. So, we'll see what happens. She says that she can make the prices come down. I don't know how. I do know this. I know that in Saudi Arabia, they got a lot of the gas. So, we have to force them to do something. That's right, you do.
What are you going to do? Good luck, Michel Bachman. I make a lot of money. You're not getting cheap freaking gas, okay? No. It's not going to happen. You know why? Because I control it. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You're going to come over here with your truck and fill up and bring back here. Well, first of all, you are a woman, okay? Correct. You're going to beat me up with your compact? You throw a tampon at me? You're going to make up? Me to death. Did you have to go so far? I did. I did. You did? I think I did. So unnecessary, man. I know your kryptonite and it is tampon. My kryptonite is tampon and the very period. Period. Period. Panty. Why do you have to go so far? Don't go so far. It's fun. It is not. It's a fun time. It is not. Move on. All right. Gerard Depardot. Listen to Anderson Cooper. He can't stop laughing. Okay, now, Gerard Depardieu, he's been in 150 movies, but we only know him because of a couple of big ones here in America. Academy Award-winning movies. Cyrano de Bergerac and Green Card. I think he won Best Actor for Green Card. Good card. He's the one with the huge schnoz, right? Well, in the movie. Listen to this. This is...
So after Gerard took his little solo flight to Urination, the plane had to turn around and go back to the gate, and some unlucky cleaning crew had to deal with the Golden Globe winning Tinkle. Now, all I can say is they should thank their lucky stars it wasn't Depard 2. That made me giggle every time I read it. He hasn't commented on this incident. What a cute giggle. Depard 2. I know you got it, but... Oh, wow, wow, wow. All right. Oh, wow, he's really losing it. Oh, my gosh, you can't get it together. Wow. It's a giggle. It's like a giggle fest. Oh, no. Oh, no, Andrew. We need to isolate. Sorry, this actually never happened to me. All right. Sorry.
He hasn't commented on the incident, but if I know the European celebrity spin machine, and I think I do, there will probably be some excuse like he was doing research for a movie role. Oh, my gosh. Wow. There's nothing that gets me than an anchor that can't control them. It's so great. Did you ever see Charlie Steiner on SportsCenter? When he lost it, yeah. Wasn't he talking about the Dodgers or something? No, I think it was one of two things. It was Carl Lewis singing the national anthem, which was... The worst. Or it was Mitch. Do you remember Mitch Blood Green? He fought Mike Tyson. And they were interviewing him outside of a 24-hour leather store in New York City. And he started laughing about it. And he could not control himself. It was one of the funniest things ever. It's the greatest. Let's see. This may be it. It's listed as bloopers from ESPN. Oh, man, it is good. So it's got to be Steiner. And he's just... Over here. Hello. No, just go on to the next thing. Can't do it. I've lost my mind. Along with Bob Lee, I'm Dan Patrick. You're Bob Lee. Tell him I can hear. Tell him I can hear this. Hi. What do you want to talk about? Unbelievable.
Charlie Steiner is all... I think he does a play-by-play for... He does play-by-play for the Dodgers on television. Does he now? Yeah. He's awesome, man. He's so good. He was one of the best. But I remember that. Oh, he lost his mind. And he was trying to read the story and going... The whole time. It's great. 5701949 is our number. So yeah, Gerard Depardieu, he's on this international flight. And he's got to go to the bathroom. And he keeps yelling out, I need to pee. I need to pee. And they wouldn't let him do it. He's 62 years old, by the way. They wouldn't let him. They told him that he had to wait 15 minutes until they were airborne. And he couldn't. So he said, I cannot wait. And he stood up and he peed right there in front of a packed flight, man. What a D. A packed flight. Stewardess told him, listen, it's going to be 15 minutes. We'll be in the air. You can leave your seat then. And he said, I cannot do it. Gosh darn, what a weirdo. You'd think after 62 years of paying, you'd kind of have it figured out. Well, yeah. Maybe you'd go in the terminal. Yeah. Go beforehand. Figure it out, dude. Figure out how your wee-wee works. Woodsy, tell me about what's happening at the University of Miami. It's getting now as big as it can get. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be the biggest story for a while. I told you a little bit yesterday. Now, there's a guy, he's in prison. His name is Nevin Shapiro. This could be the guy that brings down.
the entire University of Miami football team. And they're using words that have not been used since 1987, 1988. They're using the words the death penalty. What the hell? The death penalty for a program is no scholarships. Oh, for the program. Yeah, they're not going to kill anybody. They're going to, you know, no scholarships. Basically, the program doesn't exist. So there wouldn't be any University of Miami football anymore? There would be. But there'd be no scholarship players, no bowl eligibility. I mean, dude, it's bad. They take away scholarships for years to come. So it means that they couldn't get good players. Oh, yeah. No, nobody's playing there. And so they would be a terrible football team. Absolutely. And they did it to SMU in 1987, which is Southern Methodist University, my hometown, Dallas, Texas, 1987 and 1988. There's a special on ESPN called something about running with the ponies. And it is... fascinating to watch this program. What did they do wrong? Dude, Eric Dickerson? Yeah? They gave the guy... Texas A&M had given the guy some money. Well, the next day, SMU drove up in a brand new Firebird, parked it there. He took the Firebird and the money and signed with SMU. I mean, it was as shady as shady could get. It was all illegal boosters, and it's alumni of the college. And just like this guy, Nevin Shapiro. I mean, this guy got... There's 72 players implicated. Current and former.
By the way, Woods, what's a booster? A booster is like, you know, technically my dad would be considered a booster to Notre Dame. I mean, he gives money to Notre Dame. He gives money back to the university. Not a lot of money. It's nothing official, right? No, it's official. So in order to become a booster, and if your dad's listening, have him call because I've always heard that term. But it's like... Do you fill out paperwork? And you're like, now I'm a booster. Yeah, there's a booster club. And there's a booster club even in high school. And the parents will help out and stuff and they'll donate money to help build the field. I think in our high school, our starting center fielder, I think his dad donated the scoreboard. So hence, you're the starting center fielder. Gilroy High School has a beautiful, where I went to high school, Gilroy High School has a beautiful football stadium because Jeff Garcia went to high school there and he built it. Right. It's called Jeff Garcia Field. He gave the money. He's a booster to Gilroy High. So they're talking to all these former players that are now, a lot of them in the NFL. Antrell Roll is one of them. Safety for the Giants. Listen to his comments. I can hear the nervousness in his voice. And he is really kind of trying to squash this whole thing. Check this out. There's nothing for me to comment on with this guy. I mean, obviously, you know, he's on a...
on a rampage, you know, to cause a, you know. And what did this guy do, Woods? This guy, Nevin Shapiro, has given cash. He's bought or helped them get cars. He's paid for prostitutes. He's allowed them on his yacht to his mansion, given them money, and has basically documentation of all of this. He bought one guy rims for his car and just given cash, put out bounties on other players, on other teams. And I was asking Woods the other day. What's in it for him? Well, what's in it for him is these guys are going to become NFL stars, and he's going to get to be a part of that lifestyle. If they go to the Super Bowl, hey, man, how you doing? Maybe you get Super Bowl tickets. Hey, man, how you doing? Maybe I get this. Maybe I get that. He was also a partial investor in an agency that wanted to go sign these kids. So he's a partial investor. He's given a couple million bucks to this agency. You mean like, hey, I'm an agent. Like a sports agency. I'm going to support you. Right. So he was basically what they call a runner. So he would go out and be like, hey, how you doing? You're looking good. You're a good player. You should sign with us. Sign with us. Vince Wilfork was one of them. And he's like, you should sign with us. Sign with us.
Well, he did. Vince Wilfork did. And it's like this, right, Woods? It's like, hey, Vince, remember when you were in college and I got you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Yeah, remember when you knocked that girl up and I paid for her abortion? You need to sign for us. Now, we're not saying that it was Vince that that did happen with a player that was at Miami. And he is now, this guy's now in jail. And now that he's in jail and he had gone to a lot of players and asked them, hey, can I have a little help? None of them came to his aid, so he's blowing the whistle. Whistleblower. So this is Antrell Roll talking about it. It's crazy. I'm just going to let him do his talking because honestly right now to me it's really irrelevant. And it don't concern me at this point. And I'll deal with it when the right time comes. In other words, I'll deal with it if my name comes up in anything. Which it is. Big time. He is one of the guys that they're saying took the bounty to go out and...
knock out, you know, other players from other teams. This guy, this Nevin Shapiro would go, hey, Mike, if you knock that guy's block off today, I'll give you $1,500. And I mean, you knock him down, you hurt him, $1,500 on the house, on me. And he's one of them. He's angry, I mean. If you get 20 years in prison and, you know, certain things like that happen, you know what I mean? You're going to find someone to take it out on right. And, you know, I guess we have to bite that bullet. Are you concerned what this could do to Miami? You know, actually, yeah, I am concerned. I am concerned because I think this is bringing on unnecessary drama to the program that doesn't need to be. And, you know, I'm a Miami guy at heart, and I always will be a Miami guy at heart. And, you know, I just want those guys to, you know, to have the same fortunate career as I had and, you know, other people had. But, you know, right now, you know, there's a lot of drama going on with that school. You know, and he's all caused by one guy. You know, one easy guy. There's no situation for me to deal with. You know, to be honest with me, that's one man's word. And, you know, to me, it means nothing at all to me. And, you know, there's nothing for me to deal with. There's nothing for me to focus on when you're talking about that. You know, my only concern is for university, you know, hoping that everything goes okay with them, hoping that that coach does get his opportunity to, you know, to share the battlefield with those guys there. You know, there's not going to be any further damage. The line is blurred for me because it's school, and so I go, man.
I can understand how it's against school policy. What I didn't understand was the whole part about it being, like, against the law. And you're breaking the law by doing that, right, Woods? Because these guys, can these guys, is Antrell Roll worried because his reputation will come into? That's it. That's it? That's got to be. So he's not facing, like, any charges? No, I mean, you know, look at Reggie Bush and what happened at USC. I mean, they took his Heisman. I mean, Antrell Roll didn't win a Heisman, but you're labeled. You disgrace your program. And yourself. Your school, yourself, blah, blah, blah. Your dad's on the line, M1 Hawk. He's a booster for Notre Dame, played for Notre Dame football, and went to Notre Dame. How you doing, M1 Hawk? Hi, guys. How's everything? Everything's good. So explain a booster to us. Well, generally a booster, there's levels, but it's somebody that annually contributes significant money to the university and specifically to the athletic program. Designate your contributions as to where they go. There's other schools. Actually, when I was at Notre Dame, you couldn't. You basically gave money, and the university had its discretion to apply it wherever they wanted to.
Currently, they have programs where you can designate it to academic institutions and or the athletic department would say, hey, I'm going to give you $100,000, but I want it to go to the football program and that's it. Well, this is what I don't understand. How do these boosters get access to the kids personally? Because let's say that I want to be a booster. Let's say that I went to, for instance, I went to Notre or let's take Miami. Let's say that I went to the University of Miami and I am a booster and I've now made it big. I've got a lot of money and I want to I want to see my favorite college football team, my alma mater win. And so I decide in my head. I'm going to put bounties out on other teams, and I'm going to give these players money. What I don't understand is how does being a booster give me access to these kids? How do I get to go onto the field and be like, hey, how you doing, Johnny? Let me talk to you a second. How does it go from being I'm a booster to I get to talk to these kids? Well, it's obviously a lot easier today with the social media that's around. I mean, you can find kids on Facebook or Twitter or whatever.
and talk about the fact that, hey, you know, I'm throwing a big party on my yacht in the Miami Bay, and I want you guys to attend and, you know, blah, blah, blah. So back in the day, it was a little bit harder to get access to kids individually. Today, I would guess it'd be... Well, and also, I think it's the amount of money that you give. I mean, this guy was given a pretty substantial deal, and the president of the university and the athletic director at the time were like, oh, well, we didn't know he was doing anything wrong. Well, yeah, man, you're blinded because the guy just handed you a million bucks and said this is for your football team. And, you know, this guy walks in like he's hot. you know hot s and he's like hey man i want to talk to these guys these are my guys you know i'm paying for this basically right right right so you kind of get if you give a million dollars to a university for their football program
I'm pretty sure that you can say to them, hey, can I have a tour? Yeah. Can I meet the team? Can I go to a practice? And they're going to say, of course, you gave a million dollars. And I'll tell you what, man. All you need is one. Because I tell you, Mike, hey, dude, I'll give you five grand. What do you do? You tell the other badasses on the team, hey, this guy's giving us five grand if we knock this guy's head off. Oh, and he's having a party on his yacht. And he's got hookers for us. I mean, it's a done deal. Well, my deal is, okay, hookers, obviously wrong. A bounty? Obviously wrong. But is it wrong if a guy's throwing a party on his yacht to go on a party? I don't see it as wrong, but the NCAA does. They do? Yeah. Wow. Hey, go ahead. I'm just sorry. The big deal on the yacht stuff was the fact that he was letting players use it without him being there. So they're talking about all the costs associated with fueling up the yacht, the crew, and the whole deal. The whole thing. Oh, man. Just have at it. And imagine a 20-year-old kid and you say, this is basically a luxury hotel on the water. Invite who you want. Have at it. In fact, I'll have a couple people on that boat for you that you'll like. And, you know, have a good time. Have a ball. And don't worry. No drinking and driving. You sleep on the boat. Yeah, just have a ball. They're kids. Kids. Hey, M1 Hawk, thanks for the help. I appreciate it. I'd like to have a friend like that. Yeah, I would too. Man, is there anybody out there with a yacht? Call us.
Tara Driscoll, 33 years old, Bayshore, New York, New York City female teacher, took a kid, male kid, that went to Magnet High School where she teaches in Cambria Heights, Queens, to a place called the Capri Motel. Yeah. Where they engaged in sexual relations. Kids under 17, age of consent in New York, 17. And they arrested her. They interviewed the kid. They looked at phone records, videotape, and found enough damning evidence to arrest her. And she's in a lot of trouble now. Wouldn't care. If I was his dad. Listen, double standard, right? Because if it was a guy doing that with a girl, he's taking advantage. Creep. Rapist. But if it's a girl doing it to a guy. Now, I'll tell you what. Not if you talk to a... I disagree, and my wife would disagree. I would say, I don't want my son sleeping with a teacher. I bet they weren't sleeping. Yeah, I bet they weren't sleeping either. But to me, it's disgusting. And yeah, she's just as much a criminal as some dude. But hey, all right. Come on. Women are not the aggressors. It's sexy. Christine O'Donnell. She's the woman that said, I'm not a witch. The new bit now is walking off interviews. It's the new bit. And she walked off of Piers Morgan last night.
And we'll let you hear it. We'll let you hear what he asked her that made her walk off the set. But apparently that's a new bit. I walk off the set. This is the Mikey Show, FM 94.9. I call this one Best Girlfriend Ever. It had been a long day and an even longer week. So I headed toward the kitchen, refreshment I did seek. But after swinging open the fridge, I saw the most horrific sight. Not a single cold beverage. Not a single Coors Light. Perhaps behind the milk. Or the dill pickle spears. But there was still no Coors Light. No ice cold beers. I grabbed my keys. It was time to hit the store. But stopped when I heard a knock knock at the door. It was my girlfriend. Bearing gifts of Coors Light. Best girlfriend ever? You got that right. Thank you. And I love you, Aaron.
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This report is brought to you by McDonald's. 42-ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at McDonald's. For a limited time, choose from a variety of icy cold drinks, and now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Well, it looks like the 5 northbound after 28th Street, there is an accident over on that right shoulder. A couple cars involved. Alta Road at Otay Mesa Road, an earlier accident that they've cleared. And it looks like the 5 northbound at the 805, that accident has been moved out of the way too. Good morning this morning. This report brought to you by the Nissan Bottom Line Sales Event. It's the end of the model year. Nissan's laying it all on the line. The Bottom Line Sales Event, it's going on now. Tremendous selection, great offers, bottom line savings. Visit ChooseNissan.com or your local Nissan dealer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I have had enough. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Things happen. I got diarrhea. Woods. I have two speeds. I have stop and go. Lauren. So everybody knows how I feel about bottled water. Right. I hate it. And Jay. They said there's breastfeeding out there. I was like, I'm in. Check, check. One, two, three, check. On FM 94.9. Is fever. Want to hear me say fever between now and 10? Be caller nine. Not only will you get Parkhofer tickets to Legoland, but you will also be going with Woods and his wife.
On Friday night, pair of tickets to the Padres, Tony Hawk Foundation night. You're going to want to go. You want to get tickets for yourself and, you know, you don't win. Padres.com slash Tony Hawk. It's that easy. I said earlier that, you know, apparently the new bit is that if you don't like questions that you're being asked, you just walk off the set. And that is apparently the new thing. I'm not a witch. I guess in her early life, she had been a, you know, she had dabbled in Wicca. She was a dabbler. When she was like in high school. Well, Mike, who hasn't at the end of the day? I have not, but that doesn't mean that every, you know, she was a, she made me, but I'll tell you what I have done. I've done, you know, worse and I've been, you know, worse in my life. And so, you know, who am I to say to when she was in high school, she did something stupid or whatever. Anyway.
She's on Piers Morgan tonight. Took over for Larry King. Walks down to the interview. Here's what happened. Actually, I have a shorter clip for you. Let me give you the shorter clip. Here we go. What is your view of gay marriage, for example? Well, I address that stuff in the book. You can't keep saying it's all in the book. I'm here to talk about the book. Yes, I'm talking about the book. You keep saying it's all in the book. So tell me what's in the book. Well, why don't you ask me questions about what I say in the chapter called Our Follower-in-Chief, where I criticize Barack Obama. Because right now, I'm curious. Right now, I'm curious about whether you support gay marriage. You're borderline being a little bit rude. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Michelle, now, it's very possible.
that Michelle's people said, don't ask her about this, this, this, this, this, and this. And he said, okay, and then he ambushed her, which I don't think is cool. But even if, okay, let's say that they didn't do that. You put it in the book. Dude, you put it in the book. It's in the freaking book. It's in the freaking book. It's in the freaking book. It's in the freaking book. Really? I obviously want to talk about the issues that I choose to talk about in the book. Do you answer that question in the book? I talk about my religious beliefs, yeah. I absolutely... Don't be afraid of it. She's scared to death of it. Yeah. Don't be afraid of it. I want to talk about the chapters that I want to talk about. I don't want to talk about anything that may make people... Dislike me. Listen, this is the thing that I've said a million times on the air. I have religious beliefs. One way or another, every single one of us have religious beliefs. It may be part of your religious belief that you don't talk about religion. That's your religious belief. It may be your religious belief that God doesn't exist. That's your religious belief. Every single one of us have religious beliefs. Now.
If you say, I don't like that your religion says that it's wrong to eat Cheetos. I don't like that. Your religion says it's wrong to eat Cheetos. And I don't like that because I like Cheetos. Okay, that's fine. But you're telling me. And some people will say, you know what? I'm really ticked off about your Cheeto stance. And the reason I'm ticked off about it is because, you know that my dad is the inventor of Cheetos? My family. All of my family likes Cheetos. And I don't like the fact that you are very open about the fact that you don't like Cheetos. That really ticks me off. I'm against that fact. Okay, I can totally understand how you feel that way. What would you like me to do about it? Well, I'll tell you. Don't ever say that you are against Cheetos. I don't want to hear you say it. Well, happy freaking birthday. Happy birthday.
You think it's all about you? You just get to say, oh, I don't like you to talk about this. I don't like you to talk about this. I don't like you to talk about this. It's America, pal. It's America. Say what you want. Michelle. And for the record, I would never subscribe to any religion that said it wasn't okay. Of course. So why do you talk about gay marriage in the book? What relevance is that right now? Is there a piece? Because we're talking about your book. And that's in there. And it's a hot button that's going on in our country. Talk about it. Mike, there's a chapter that... Deals with me summering in Maine that I would really like to cover if I don't want to talk about gay marriage or religion. Let's talk about Maine. Kennebunkport, if you will. If you want to talk about something controversial, why don't you talk about the fact that in my book, I say that when I was young, I smoked a cigarette. That will blow their hair back. I'll talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I will. But I will. Legislation. I mean, I shouldn't be voting on anything. It's obviously, as you know, because of Michelle Bartman's views and others, it's obviously a highly contentious political issue. I'm just curious what your view is. You keep saying it's in the book. So I'm bemused as to why you wouldn't just say it in an interview if it's in the book. Because I don't think it's relevant. It's not a topic that I choose to embrace. It's not what I'm championing right now. Well, then don't write about it. Don't write about it in your book. Don't write about it in your book.
You can't have a book, go on the air, and then not answer questions about the things that you said in your book. You can't do it. You can do it. You're a tool. I say burn her. Well, because she's a witch. He's saying that you put her at the stake, and that's what he's trying. I think that that's Jay's point when he says that. I can't be sure because, you know. It's Jay. It's Jay. Why are you being so weird about this? I'm not being weird about this, Pierce. I'm not running for office. It's Pierce. I'm not promoting a legislative agenda. I'm promoting the policies that I lay out in the book that are mostly fiscal, that are mostly constitutional. That's why I agreed to come on your show. That's what I want to talk about. I'm not being weird. You're being a little rude. No, I'm not. I'm asking you questions. And listen, you're hearing me say this from the standpoint of being a Christian. If you're going to write about it, answer it, lady. One of these days I'm going to write a book. And the book is going to be controversial, I bet. I'll bet the book is going to be controversial because there's a lot of things that I want to write about that are controversial. And there's a lot of things that I've never talked about on the radio. And some of them illegally I cannot talk about until a certain date goes by. And I'll talk about it. I can't wait. And here's the thing about it. There may be local press that wants to talk to me about it. And I can't go, I don't want to talk about it.
I can't talk about that. I can't talk about that because that... Why don't you ask me about the fact that I enjoyed wearing jewelry, crosses and things. Why don't you ask me about that? There's an easy fix. What's the fix? He's walking out. See you later. He's quitting. I guess you just walk out of the interview. That's what she's about to do. Listen, this is, again, Michelle O'Donnell, I'm not a witch, on... Christine O'Donnell. Christine O'Donnell, I'm not a witch, on Piers. where she says, Piers Morgan last night. Charming and respectful. I'm just asking you questions based on your own public statements and now what you've written in your own book. It's hardly rude to ask you that, surely. Well, don't you think as a host, if I say this is what I want to talk about, that's what we should address? Not really, no. You know who did that with me, by the way? Who's the tall... Black model that's really pretty. Iman? No, no, no. Naomi Campbell. Naomi Campbell. No, no, no. She's got her own talk show. Sorry. Tyra Banks. Tyra Banks. Same bit. Came on the radio and wanted to control the interview. And I remember at one point I very respectfully said, Tyra, who's interviewing who? Yeah, exactly. And she said, well, don't I have the right to say? And I said, well, I'm just asking you questions.
I don't understand. Why not just get up and do a monologue if you're going to talk about what you want to talk about? LOB, 100%. Yeah, this is why there's an interviewer to ask questions. Otherwise, why don't you just put a representative up here? Politician. Yeah, okay, I'm being pulled away. Oh boy, her people are pulling her out of the interview for this. Where are you going? Taking off the mic. Well, I was supposed to be speaking at the Republican Women's Club at 6 o'clock, and I chose to be a little late for that, not to be, you know. What if they ask you there, Michelle? Don't blame your prior engagement. Yeah, not to endure a rude talk show host, but to talk to you about my book and to talk about the issues that I address in my book. Have you read the book? Yes, but these issues are in your book. That's my point. You do talk about them. All right. Are we off? Are we done? He's still there. I'm not. I'm still here. No, the red light means we're on the air. Well. It would appear that the interview has just been ended. Piers Morgan last night. Wow. Does anybody really care that she wrote a book? Yeah. No. No. 5701949 if you want to comment on it. Brookfield, Wisconsin. A guy is so upset at McDonald's. Mikey, stop. I don't get my... Well, don't I?
Guy threw a temper tantrum because he was mad about the tomatoes. Oh, I like the tomatoes. He went back and he went back to the drive-thru. He started accusing. He started cursing. He started yelling at the tomatoes. Were they subpar? It doesn't say, which is like the most important part. It doesn't say, but my guess is he probably said. He probably said, I don't want tomatoes. And they put tomatoes. What? Oh, dearly. Well, now, although I would not go back into the drive-thru and throw a temper tantrum, I will share this with you. And you ask yourself, have you ever been through a drive-thru, not gotten what you wanted in the bag, and were upset like a baby in the car? Weekly. Yeah. Especially when you get home, you don't really look at the bag, and you just get home.
I'll flip a table. But they gave me a fish sandwich. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. And you're hungry? Yeah. Of course you are. That's why you're there. At least there's food there, but if they completely, you've got an order for a bunch of people and you get there and yours is the only one missing. Murder. Murder, suicide in that case. Rebecca and I went to a place this last weekend. And I, there's what made it even worse. I wanted to go to. Well, what I really wanted was something really delicious. But I knew I had to settle for something very quick because Jake was with us. And he's going to start getting whiny if we don't get home in a certain amount of time. Which I don't blame him. He's a kid. He's got toys back there, but he's pissed. So I want to go to El Pollo Loco. Weird. Weird. And my wife. I knew she wasn't going to get anything very good at El Pollo Loco because she doesn't like the place. So I thought, I want to think of her first. Got the B-Different bracelet on. So I said, all right, babe, let's go to In-N-Out. Okay? Nice. So we went to In-N-Out, got her meal. And right next to In-N-Out is Chick-fil-A. Which, by the way, before I go any further, I'm not going to disparage Chick-fil-A because they're great and I love them. And they serve good food. But I was hungry and I was a little whiny in my head.
Because I was doing something for my wife, giving to her instead of thinking to me, which already made me feel like a freaking martyr, which is so stupid. But I feel like a martyr. I feel like I'm doing something courageous because I'm going to freaking, freaking In-N-Out. So we go through In-N-Out and then I want the chicken, right? So we go into the chicken thing and I order a chicken sandwich. They're waffle fries. Delicious. And I say the following. I need my chicken. I say the following. I say, can I get ranch with that? And the girl says, yes. So she reads the order back to me. When she reads the order back to me, she doesn't say ranch. So I said, and ranch too. And she goes, oh, that's right. Thank you. Gives me the price. I drive around to the window. When I get to the window, she says to me, would you like any dipping sauces with that? Which? Freaked me out a little bit, but not too bad. I thought to myself, she's asked twice, but I don't care. What's a big whoop? I said, sure, I'll take ranch. She goes, okay. And she gives me the bag and we drive away. And we have a routine where Rebecca sets me up. She takes my little sandwich like a mom. It's like what Jay does for you here. Yeah. No. Wraps the sandwich in the paper and makes it edible.
we have a little routine we say grace in the car and then i eat and i say to her babe can you get me the ranch open up put it on the dash here so i can and she looks she goes there's no ranch oh boy holy cow holy cow and and i and i say to her calmly but i say to her calmly i go how strange inside i'm crying like a baby screaming i'm screaming and crying like a baby and i say to her calmly i go how strange that is and i'm not even being sarcastic i'm just trying to control myself because i go i'm a 41 year old adult am i really going to get that upset about freaking ranch and so i said isn't that strange she asked three times and and at this point rebecca was almost showing more irritation than me because she loves me right and she goes They asked you three times. Is there anything that hurts us and gives us more of a pity party than when we don't get what we want in a freaking bag? It's a pity party, man. No, you guys know my story. When my wife went to get me a donut and it had the wrong, it had white swirls across the top. And I freaking flipped out. And I mean like flipped out. Like I told you, I didn't want this one. I hate this one.
I understand. It's like a personal attack. Yeah, I was laying in bed. My mouth was watering for this eclair. And all I could think about was that goodness. And when it showed up and it was not what I wanted, it was like, it was the end of the world to me. I picture 50-year-old Hell's Angels dudes with mustaches that smell like B.O. with tats that inside want to cry. Yes. When they don't get their ranch. When they don't get their ranch. Outside, they might be chucking a burger at someone's head, but inside, crying. They're screaming. They're like, they're probably cursing, using a lot of F-bombs. Yep. But inside, they're like. And is there anything worse than, so you wanted ranch with your waffle fries. All right. Say you went home and you went to your fridge and you pulled out the ranch there. It's not the same. No. The ketchup in your fridge. Ain't McDonald's ketchup, man. It's just not. You know why it isn't? Because the McDonald's ketchup came out of that lukewarm package. And I'm used to the lukewarm package. I don't want cold ketchup. I want lukewarm ketchup. I don't want cold ranch. And by the way, the ranch that I got at home is something valley. What is it? Hidden valley. I don't want hidden valley. It's good, but it's not what you want. It's good. It isn't the stuff they serve there. It's not Chick-fil-A ranch. It made me better. I don't want better. I want that one.
We're little kids inside. Oh, Taco Bell, when they forget the sauce, I have to have sauce on my tacos. My wife has been like, well, just use salsa at home. And I'm like, it's not the same. I don't want salsa. I want that sauce. I bet the people that get the most pissed about it are people that work at drive-thrus. When it happens to them, they're like, I freaking make sure this doesn't happen. I don't let this S happen. I want a view, man. Yeah, man. This guy. Hey, man, when I worked with Eddie, he said that some dude threw a freaking thing of fries at him. Wham! Like, as hard as he could. We got the guy in the air. It was a dude from Gilroy. We found the dude. No way. All we did was call information. We got the guy in the air. Did he remember doing it? Barely. Barely? Yeah. Why did he do it? Because he thought that we were the a-holes. Like, why are you bothering me? And he worked at the drive-thru? Yeah. Oh, okay. In high school. In high school, yeah. Yeah, and this dude came into the restaurant. Holy cow. And was pissed, I think, because the fries were cold or something. And it wasn't even his fault. It wasn't even Eddie's fault. Dude came in with these things and just whack. I mean, threw it at a kid. I would have jumped the counter, man. I would have lost my mind. Not as a kid. Not as a kid. As a kid. Probably more so as a kid. Really? Yeah, if I was 18. Woods wasn't afraid. You know, he'll go for it. Stupid is another word. M1 Antbo, is that it? This is it. Yeah, from San Diego. What's up, dude? Hey, I got a short story for you guys. Go ahead.
I had this taco shop that I used to go to all the time. Don't ask me why I kept going to it, but I hate sour cream with a passion. And every time I would go there, I would have to yell. And you know the taco shops, they have terrible speakers. I would have to yell over and over again. Welcome to the taco shop. What? You want extra sour cream? No, no sour cream. You want two, man? If I have sour cream, two sour creams. Yeah, exactly. Go ahead. So what happened? I get the burrito this last time I went there, and usually I check it nine times out of ten. I didn't check it this time. I got all the way back to the house, and I had such a long day. It was just a hell day. You're fiending for that burrito. You're so hungry. You can't wait. Yeah, I can't wait. I was so hungry. Went to go take a bite. I said, no, let me check it real quick to make sure. I'm getting upset. Unrolled it, and I swear to God, it was a sour cream burrito. You son of a bitch. Gosh darn it. I'm upset for you. Taco shop. You did? And I swear to God, I'm not proud of this today. It's okay. It's okay. We're going to let you have this. We won't judge you. Probably the most immature thing I've ever done in my life. I stopped in the middle of the street.
Chucked the burrito at the window. I will not applaud it, but I will not criticize. I won't applaud it. I understand. I'm not saying it's right, but I understand. And then drove away. It's brilliant. We're all just kids. I might have told a story the first time I ever went to an Indian restaurant, and I'd never gone before. My buddy in college talked me into it. We had been... We smoked a marijuana cigarette. And I went down there with him and we were going to eat Indian food. And I threw up because it was hideous. And I felt bad. So I had them wrap up my food. And as we were leaving, I threw up and I took the rest of it and threw it against the window of the place because I was furious that I got sick. I was mad. You had a tantrum. I had a tantrum because this food got me sick. And I took the rest and threw it against the window. That's a legit... It was the food's fault. That's a legit... It was a full-on tantrum. I have one a week about food, probably. 570-1949. And if you're a parent, you know, if you have multiple kids, some of your kids are better at dealing with it with others, but you'll have a kid, their face will turn red, and they get so angry. You know, the other day, yesterday, I said, a whole bunch of crayons spilled on the ground, and he...
was sad crying i mean just jake jake was sad crying so just upset and i i want to comfort him and i also want to teach him dude it's gonna get worse bro yeah way worse that is nothing dude and i want to dissect what is the problem why is that so bad and so i was able to get him to and i told him i said what what's what's going on right now what are you what are you feeling he goes i'm mad And I'm like, okay, I know what anger is. So I said, are your feelings hurt? Are you sad? Are you afraid? He said, I'm afraid. I said, how come? He said, I'm afraid I have to pick him up. I thought that was brilliant. Brilliant. I thought it was brilliant. It was brilliant. I said, okay, bub, I tell you what, it won't be too bad. We'll do it together. We'll do it. It's okay, man. You ever get pissed off, dudes, because your lady will call you by your lame ass? Pet name in front of your boys. We got a text from Brett. Come on, Brett. We'll tell you about next. You're going to love this. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now.
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And right now, get 1.9% APR for qualified buyers on the 2011 Optima. Visit sandiegokiadealers.com for details. Star ratings are part of the U.S. Department of Transportation's safercar.gov program, www.safercar.gov. Model tested with standard side impact airbags. Turbo engine available only on Optima EX Turbo and SX. Offer for 24 or 36 months on a new 2011 Optima only. No down payment required with approved credit for qualified buyers through KMF, HMF, and MANDC. Must take delivery by 9611. See return for incentive details. Lightning fast, lightning strong. Verizon 4G LTE, the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Now with more coverage across San Diego. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners. Your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Make an appointment with their expert. See your dealer for details. Heading on the 5 northbound after 28th Street, there was an earlier accident. They have cleared that. Las Pulgas Road at the 5. There is an injury accident here. A couple cars. They've got lanes blocked and tow trucks are on the scene. Looks like the 15 southbound between the 76 and the 8. We've got traffic started.
Starting to build from the 78 connector to Center City. Speeds about 30 miles an hour. Then it gets up to freeway speeds into downtown. This report also brought to you by CarMax. Looking to sell your car? Take it into CarMax today. You'll get a free appraisal and a written offer to buy. It's good for seven days. CarMax, the way car buying should be. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his legs. On FM 94.9. So I'm going to be giving you this story here in just a second about this dude that texted us about his girlfriend using his pet name in front of his boys. He didn't like it. You can call us about it. School bomb plot. Don't know if you know about this, but it was going to be... worse than Columbine, and they were able to catch it before it happened. But apparently a 17-year-old kid named Jared Cano in Tampa, they got tipped off. This kid was planning a bomb plot on his old high school when classes started up again. They went into his apartment. They found shrapnel, plastic tubing, timing devices, fuses, all kinds of stuff like that. And they say it was going to be worse than Columbine. Before Tuesday, this kid, he'd been arrested for breaking into people's houses, trying to steal handguns and stuff like that. But when they went into his apartment,
They found journals with drawings and stuff of the rooms of the high school. He had wrote stuff about how he was going to get specific administrators and any students that happened to be nearby. And he said it was going to happen next week. Luckily, they caught this whack job before it happened. And that's breaking news today. Parents here in San Diego, you're being warned about accidental drownings because last year, the number of accidental drownings was less than it was this year. There were four last year. There's already been nine this year. And it's the second leading cause of death for kids between 1 and 14. Keep an eye on your kids. Make sure they're safe. Woods, what's going on in sports? I'm going to tell you in a sec about the Padres game last night and also a move that the Chargers made. But first of all, sports is brought to us by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Got some! Chargers have added, guess what? Another tight end. They added Charles Davis to the roster, which makes...
Six tight ends on the roster. They're going to whittle that down for sure. But they said that they, being... North Turner said Antonio Gates' practices have been unreal. The guy looks phenomenal. They just wanted to get a new guy in and give him a little bit of rest. A healthy Antonio Gates is just, there's nothing better. With BJ flanked off to the left or right. Oh, my. Also, there are two football games on tonight. You've got New England at Tampa Bay, and you've got Philly at Pittsburgh at Heinz Field. And that's on Fox tonight at 5 o'clock. And also the Padres last night could not get it done. They lost to the Mets 7-3. Matt Latos fell to 6-12 on the season. I'm glad you asked the game where we ask Jay to explain certain things. Because he's not... Sometimes he's at a loss reward. That's the best way to put it. We're going to play that at 8. TomTomTunes 830. So this text says, My girlfriend has an incredibly lame pet name for me.
She's been calling me peanut in private for the past two years. She said in front of my buddies the other day, and now they won't let me live it down and they're calling me peanut. Sucks. Six exclamation points. That's M1 Brett. Listen, if you have a girl and she calls you something, you have to make a very strict rule about where you're allowed to use that name. And you've got to really... reinforce that rule when alcohol is involved because she will mess it up. Peanut. Hey, Peanut. My pretty little peanut. No, shut up. You give her that look like, what are you doing? Peanut pants. She just said that. She's just messing around. It's not really the size of a peanut. I promise. It's not. Peanut pants? What's peanut pants? It's not. It's not. It's because I call him Peanut. Why do you call him Peanut? It's his nickname. It's my peanut. Why do you call him Peanut? It's bigger than a peanut.
Oh, it's about your ween? No, it's bigger than a peanut. Why do you call him Peanut? It's just something I just said one day. It's not about... Because he's little like Peanut. I'm not little. Jason, guess who Peanut is? This guy. He's my peanut pants. I don't have peanut in my pants. Jay. Yeah. It's Peanut. Hey, Peanut. It's not Peanut. You know why they call him Peanut? Yeah, Peanut. I know why they call him Peanut. She calls him Peanut because it's Ween. No. Peanut. No, no, no. Peanut. Thanks a lot. Sorry. Why don't you have a few more beers? No, no, no. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut. Peanut It's funny, you know, one of our M1s, M1 Eric Termin, his nickname is Peanut, so I wonder why they call him that. I just found it on his Facebook page. Somebody goes, hey, Peanut, it's been a long time. And I said, well, that's going to stick. Call in Termin. And it's going on the radio. Yeah. Termin, why? Why do they call you Peanut? Why do they call you Peanut? Yeah, why do they? I'm lucky. Me and my wife, babe, hun. Yeah. Deer is mine. Yeah, those are good.
Oh, you know she does. Oh, yeah, she calls her boyfriend Matt Commer stuff. I call him Bubz or Bubby. Yeah, that's not embarrassing. Yeah, I call him Frank, even though his name is Matt. Why Frank? That's weird. It's a derivation of Angel. Somehow it came about. I used to call him Angel and then shorten it to Ainge. And then I called him Frangelina. Why? Frangelico. I don't know. It's just morphed. Frangelico is like a liqueur. And then I used to call him Frank Frangelini. And then I just, of Frangelini Fords. And then I just shortened it to Frank. Insane. Why? Certifiable. Frank Frangelini of Frangelini Fords. I call Kim. Ford dealership back east. I call Kim special K. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I call Kim special K, which is weird. Why? Because K. Because she's special sometimes. And then Squirrel. Listen to the girl. I say, hey, Squirrel. What's up? Why Squirrel? It was a girl. I changed it to Squirrel. Hey, Squirrel. Squirrel. I like Squirrel. Sean, who used to be on my show, used to call his wife and he used to call each other Shortened Sweet. They shortened it to Swee. And I heard it once. Swee. And I dug. What is that? What is that? What is that? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Swee? So for a long time. Swee. Oh, yeah. Swee. Swee. That's weird. My brother had a girlfriend that did that, and we used to call him Swee, too. Really? Mm-hmm. M1 Leilani from San Diego. You there? Yep, I'm here. What's yours? I call my husband Honey Bear. Someone tried calling him once that at work, and I kind of told them that unless they perform certain adult acts on him, they're not allowed to call him that. That's fair enough. If they perform those certain acts, I was going to kill him. Yeah. Was it a female that did it? No, it was a guy. It was a guy. Yeah, I bet he's mad. He's mad, though. Yeah, I think he was doing it to be obnoxious. Yeah, your husband's trying to be mad. He's calling me Honey Bear. Hi, Honey Bear. Did you get that TPS report in? I said, bye, Honey Bear. And they started going, oh, Honey Bear. That's so funny. I'm going to start calling you that. And I kind of threatened them then. Yeah. Just threaten people at your husband's work. I regularly don't threaten people. I am a very jealous wife, though. Oh, wow. Even of guys, huh? Even of straight guys. Straight guys. Saucy. There you go. Yeah, you're saucy. Doesn't matter. Thank you. Thank you, Leilani. This email says, Hey, Mikey, I'm 27. I've been on Facebook since the beginning. I was in college when it first started. Needless to say, I have a lot of photos on my page that I've collected over the years. And yes, some of them were taken when I was young and stupid and out with my friends.
But my boss friended me on Facebook recently, and I felt like I had to accept it. So I changed my privacy preferences to make it so that he can't see my photos. Now he's angry with me for blocking him from part of my profile. Does my boss have the right to be annoyed? Is it even appropriate for bosses and employees to be friends on Facebook? M1 Janet. What an incredible question, Janet. My bigger question is, how do you know that he knows that he blocked you? You know, that he can't see. certain parts the whole thing is that it's supposed to be so that you can't tell uh but maybe it came up a picture or something that he didn't know about uh now we have a very very big boss here in our company that works in atlanta and he friended me on facebook well what are you gonna do you have to do it you have to because he's your boss if you don't you're a complete jerk now i don't have anything to hide Right. You know, it's not like I'm on there smoking bongs. And he's going to be like, my employee's smoking bongs. You know, so I'm not doing anything wrong. So I don't have a problem with it. But it is one of those things where you wonder what intent is. You wonder, well, why? Why are you friending me? Are you friending me because you want to keep tabs on me? Sniff around. Are you sniffing around? You're sniffing. What is it? Like, am I a problem to you?
Maybe you're interesting. Maybe you're an interesting guy to him. Let me walk through this with you. Okay. Am okay, but you don't know me, so how do you think I'm interesting? Well, he hired you. Let's take this example. He okayed the hire. He okayed the hire. Now, he's listened. He listens a lot, and I bet he's like... Yeah, he's an interesting guy. I want to see what that guy's... You know what else I want to do? I want to see what his old lady looks like. He always talks about... I want to see what his kids look like. I want to see what the kids look like. I want to see their fans. What their fans say. I want to... You know what? That's probably it. But don't they know that it makes the employee nervous? Yeah, that's why they do it. Oh. Yeah. Oh, you think so? I don't think so at all. I think it's just... Come and you just want to look it up. We're all voyeurs. We all are. We're all creepy voyeurs with long black socks, smoking a cigarette in a chair, watching. One of those brown cigarettes in a long white holder. And I requested our boss, Garrett. I requested him when he initially came up because I felt... Kiss up. No, I felt like a weirdo. If his name came up as a suggested friend and I didn't, I felt like I was like, oh, I'm just acting like we don't know each other. And then he thinks, like, why...
And then you have that too. You got the standoff. You're doing the dance. Yeah, the dance. The dance. Who's going to ask who? Who's in the cave? Did anybody else get friend requested by this big boss? Did anybody else get friend requested? I didn't either. I didn't either. See, he wants to keep tabs on. We're not Mikey. It's called the Mikey Show. Hey, I wish that there was a button that you could press. I'm not going to accept your friendship, but you should try to friend request. Well, there's a suggestion, but I want it to go further. You want to decline? Yes. I want to decline yet. I'm going to make it good for you. I'm going to suggest Stephen Woods. Right. Stephen R. Woods. Stephen R. Woods. Like a replacement friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A replacement friend. I have to turn you down, but I want you to keep tabs on this guy. Yeah, because you'll see some good stuff on there. Yeah. Cursing. He's the hothead. The hothead. The criminal. Don't worry about me. He's the criminal, yes. M1 Cave Dweller from Wisconsin is on the line and wants to talk to us about this very thing. M1 Cave Dweller, go ahead. You're on the air. Ready? Yep. I didn't expect this that quickly, but it's kind of an interesting phenomenon where...
Before, we used to be a lot more private, and now with all of the social media, we're volunteering more things to strangers. And as a consequence, we're actually losing a lot of our privacy where people expect us to be more open with them. Yeah, for sure. Obviously, I think that a boss has no right to see any of your personal stuff, whether it's photos, whether they're on Facebook or anything else. But the simple fact that now people are getting upset. if you're not showing it to them. Well, sure. If you don't, you're aggressive. Right. If they go to look at photos and you've got to, and there's no, first of all, they know you have photos. So if they can't see them, they know it's because you blocked them. And that's aggressive. That's an aggressive move. Yeah. And it's creepy. Yeah. You're a dude creeping on your female employer and you're getting mad that she, like, you can't look at her pictures? There's nothing wrong with that. Well, anyway, female employer and a male employee or male female, the simple fact that, If this was a photograph album you had in your home, your boss couldn't just show up and ask to look at it. But see, it's not in your home, dude. You're putting it out there online. Well, that's what he's saying. And that's just it. With all this social media, we are volunteering and relinquishing some of our privacy. And now it's gotten to the point where it's expected that we give it up. For sure. Thank you. That's a good point. Facebook's changed it all. Oh, yeah, it really has. It's changed it all. In fact.
You know, we were over at, when I was visiting my brother, he says, we're talking about the show. And he mentioned Woods. And he knew pictures that Woods had. Really? Yeah. I mean, because that's what you do. You look at pictures. What, anything bad? No. Oh, okay. Oh, no. It wasn't anything bad. I mean, he just finds all of us interesting. Yeah. He looks at my pictures. He looks at everybody's pictures. He had a favorite picture, L.O.B. He has favorite pictures of, like. Who doesn't? I know what Jay's is. Yes. He's mentioned it several hundred times. Yeah, a couple times. It's a picture of me walking into the water in a bathing suit. What? He's told you. Oh, yeah. His coworker. That he has a favorite picture of you. It's a butt shot. Yeah. I have a picture of everybody. I have a favorite picture of everybody. I don't. Why do you hate us? Yes, you do too. No, I don't. Why do you hate us? I don't know if I've ever really like, when you add new albums, I go through the albums, but I don't really go through like older stuff. And you don't think to yourself, that's my favorite picture of my boy. No. But we're friends. We are. I just. I don't have a favorite picture of you guys. Don't you? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Well, Jay, I haven't really praised Jay's stuff. It just hurts. Very creepy. Does that hurt?
Do you care that I have not looked at your things? What are we talking about? I know you haven't looked at my stuff. I look at your stuff all the time. You do? Rebecca's in the pictures. That's true. That's right. And Nita. And Nita. You're a Hungarian nanny. He likes to look at her. You just go straight to her page. He's probably so frustrated. He's like, gosh darn it. Where's the Nita stuff? Oh my God. There ain't no photo album called Nita. There ain't nothing on here. You guys should have a pool party. Yeah, Mike. I tell you what. I'm going to cut you a deal. All barbecue. You have a pool party. But, Jay, it's December. It's all right. It's okay, Mike. Don't let that stop you. Heat the pool up. Heat it up. I'll heat it. I'll find a way to heat it. Okay, Mike, if I find a way to heat your pool, can we have a pool party where just Nita's invited? Me and Nita. Me and Nita. And a photographer. Yes. And that's it. That seems a little unusual, Jay. Creep. Does it make you uncomfortable that we've looked at your photos, Lauren? No, not at all. Are you sure? No, but every once in a while I'll get a comment on a picture that's buried deep. Yeah. And I do get a little like, how'd you stumble on that? Because we were sniffing. From anyone, not just you guys, from anyone. Well, see, here's my comment. What do you put it there for? Oh, no, I'm not upset by it. It creeps you a little. No, it makes me feel like...
That's random. Sometimes I comment on stuff because it pops up on that right-hand side. It's just a picture of somebody doing something. Before I hired you, I looked at every single thing on there. I wanted to see if you were smoking bongs. I want to know everything. I wouldn't be stupid enough to put it on Facebook. Why? Why would I? Hello? Tons of people do. Oh, gosh. People put... crazy stuff on there. I was working for a student loan company before, so everything's pretty much clean as a whistle on there. As far as you know. M1 Aramis from San Diego. You there? Hi. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, I just wanted to say that's what I like about the new Google Plus is that you can really make these different circles of friends. You can make posts and you can share pictures with only certain friends. And I think that's what's really great about the new Google Plus. Yeah, you and the other nine people that are on it. Chris was saying the same thing, our phone screener. He says he dipped off of Facebook again. He did? Yeah, I'm out of Facebook. I'm out of Facebook now. Come on. Are you enjoying Google Plus? Starting it over. Yes, I am. I can't start it over. Are there enough people on there that are your friends that are, you know, it's enjoyable? I can't start it over. Yeah, because you can...
Once you get on Google+, you can start sending the invitations out to your friends. So you just have to start sucking your friends in. But it's a lot more private than Facebook, that's for sure. Don't want to start over again. Mike, I can't do it. Me neither. I just got my mom up to speed where I can Facebook my mom's stuff. Now I'm going to get her up to speed on Google+. I don't think so. Thanks for the call. Oh, forget it. All right. So this is really great. Got this idea. from a friend of mine that's in radio because he was on a flight and heard this woman behind him talking. She was talking about how she was, I want to say he said that she was, she did something for a living that he thought, wow, she sounds very young and sexy. And it was something that he wouldn't imagine somebody young and sexy to be doing his impression. So he used his iPad as a mirror. Turns out she wasn't. She was like,
Older woman, blah, blah, blah. But he has found that it happened in reverse. He asked his listeners, and I'm going to ask our listeners, do you do something? And we would be shocked if we saw you that that's what you do. For instance, he said they got a picture of this girl that was a diesel mechanic. Now, when you think diesel mechanic, what do you think? Burly. Dude. Burly. Dude-ish. Dirty. Grease under the nails. Blah, blah, blah. She looked like a college co-ed. Yeah. You know, guys, same thing. You may do something that we would just go, really? That's what you look like. So here's what we're going to ask you. We're going to ask you to either go on our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey show, post your picture and say, this is what I do. I'm a butcher.
I may, whatever. And let us be shocked. We did a tweet up. And who was it? Her name was SD something. SD Pinky. SD Pinky. She works in a lab as a chemist. Yeah. She's dying. Yeah. You would never think this girl is a chemist. Yeah, not that pretty girls can't be chemists because they can. But it was just like, she's like, I can't meet you. I've got to finish this experiment. In this lab. Hey, same bit with my friend Tim. This guy is a like works at Scripps doing major chemical stuff and is the same guy that got stabbed in a mosh pit at brick by brick and is covered in tattoos. And you would never look at this guy and go, that dude's a brilliant chemist. It's like don't judge a book by its cover. Yes. We want to see the cover. Yes. So no matter how you get it to us, either email us. You can email it to 949Mikey at gmail.com or you can put it on Facebook or however you get it to us. Mikey at MikeyShow.com. However you get it to us, get it to us because we want to see. Yeah, we do. That made me so uncomfortable. Yep. So check this out. If you would like.
To play Tom Tom tunes. Oh, no, no. That's not. Sorry. I said that too early. The other day, there was a huge deal that happened where Google bought. And I said that this was going to be a big deal. Well, is it? I'll explain. Finish this sentence. Call us right now and finish this sentence. I'm no pushover. But when a girl blank, it's irresistible. We're also going to play you Anne Hathaway rapping on FM 94.9. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G, everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? No kidding. Well, hmm, but in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool.
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The Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. This report, it's brought to you by Allstate. The more you protect them, the more you can save. Bundle coverage for your car plus your boat, your motorcycle, or more. Call your local agent to bundle and save today. Well, as you head on the freeways this morning, Camp Pendleton, Las Polgas Road at the 5. Looks like we have an accident there. A couple cars. They've got lanes blocked. The tow truck is on the scene. Your service streets are affected by this, but the freeway seems to be okay. 5 southbound between the 76 and the 8. Traffic is a little slow from La Costa Avenue to Loma Santa Fe Drive. This report also brought to you by Coinstar. Coinstar, there's no fee when you cash in your coins. You choose an Albertsons gift card. Keep every delicious scent sweet. Find the closest machine at Coinstar.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bert from Bird's Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Thursday morning being brought to you by Frostbrew Coors Light. The mountains turn blue. It's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Surf-wise today, again, continuation of that dominant south swell. Pretty straight direction for us, though, running by most of our coastline.
A little bit of a southwest lingering, touching northwest too, but really not too much out of those two directions. But you get knee-to-waste outweighs on average, maybe a few chest outweighs on a rare occasion. Top open spots to that south spot, though, are seeing larger setways up to shoulder high or so on the face. But again, that's in the far, far north part of our county. Overcast skies will greet you. Relatively calm winds and clean conditions. Real low tide this morning, though. That's hurting size and shape at all areas, so pay attention to that. Look for some improvement across the board as that fills in throughout the morning. Water temp-wise, hovering in that 66, 67-degree range, so that's pretty pleasant. Just not a whole lot of surf right now with that lower tide and that steep, swell direction. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surpline.com. For all your surfboard repair and restoration needs, go see Pal Joe Roper right down on Marina Boulevard. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Oh, man, wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. Our listeners get it, man. They're posting pictures right now at Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And again, yeah, it's shocking. You got these gorgeous girls that are...
A commercial systems tech. You would go, are you kidding me? She's good looking. How about M1 Sylvia's good looking? She's a maintenance and construction laborer at San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station. Wow. Are you serious? I mean, it's nuts. You had one too, Woodsy. It didn't show up on mine, but what did she do for a living? Kira Joy Brawner. Very cute girl. Worked at a machine shop. Worked at a machine shop. So if you do something that we would be surprised, we go, oh, wow, that's what you do for a living? Go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Like if you and I posted our pictures together and we were like, hey, we're personal trainers. That would be shocking. People would laugh really hard. With our shirts off. Really, really hard. Let's do that. They would not be surprised that we're in radio. Right. Because we face for radio. Right. There you go. So there you go. We're going to be playing. I'm glad you asked in about 20 minutes. I'm surprised Kira works at a metal shop, not a wood shop. She's giving me wood. I think we got it the first time. We didn't laugh because it would be funny the first time. And now he's knee slapping because he said she's giving wood. He is a strange guy. Doesn't take much for him to get himself. He does make himself laugh. I wonder if she turns on those machines because I'm turned on. I wonder if she knows how to.
Handle tool. Like my tool. You ever replace a belt? Because I just took my belt off. All right, finish this sentence. I like that one. I'm no pushover. But when a girl blanks, it's freaking irresistible. Now, it could be she wears a certain perfume. She looks a certain way. She says something. One of our listeners online said she gets a little bit of wine in me and takes the clothes off. That's his wife, and he says it works like a charm every time. Okay, thanks for sharing. 570-1949. Let us know. Donald Trump is still at this, he's still at this birth certificate bit. He's still going for it. As for his past focus on President Obama's birth certificate. There's a real question about the birth certificate.
Trump says he got the president to release. You're the only one still asking. Yeah. The only one. The only one. Then it was sort of strange that all of a sudden, for years and years, he wouldn't produce it. Then all of a sudden, when I put all that heat on him, he finally begrudgingly. But he did produce it. He produced something. He produced something. I don't know what he produced, but he produced something. I can't believe you're raising a question about this. No, George, you're trying to do a little number. And I think that's fine. But I will tell you two things. Number one, I'm very proud of the job I did, and I've gotten a lot of credit. And as far as what he produced, that's for others to determine. But they should look into it. Strange dude. He's a strange dude. He's the king of the self-gloss, dude. God, that guy loves himself. Hey, Google bought Motorola so they can make phones and stuff. They spent $12 billion, and their stock went down $30 a share. They shaved. $10 billion off their market cap. Well done. Yeah. And Apple, meanwhile, they've been tracking the market by Wednesday's close. They were up $3.45 for the week. What's he just said while we were in break? Stock market ever tumble or? Dude, it tumbled again today. I mean, like way down. Yeah. Just took a dump. Okay. I'm fascinated by this.
I don't see a lot of Anne Hathaway movies. What'd she become famous for? Nanny diaries or princess diaries or some sort of diary. Some kind of diary. Yeah. Diary movie. Yeah. What's that? She was also in that terrible Glenn Close bit. Oh, Devil Wears Prada. Devil Wears Prada. Devil Wears Prada. Terrible. I haven't seen any of these things. Terrible for you, but... But you're a Devil Wears Prada fan? The people that like that, you know, women. Yeah, women. Women liked it. Oh, yeah. And gay men. Okay, now check this out. Anne Hathaway's become very popular. But even though she's become popular, happened while I was sleeping. Right. LLB can't stand her. Now, I don't know if LLB is the minority or the majority, but what I do want to know is why do you not like Anne Hathaway? Okay. I already thought she was all overrated because I think she's a cute girl, but I don't see like the, oh, mamacita factor at all for her. You don't either? No, I think she's hideous. No, I don't see it at all. Hideous. Stinky. The elephant man was hideous. Okay. Okay, so you say that Anne Hathaway and the elephant man are on par. Now, come on, be serious. I mean, okay, I might exaggerate, but I don't, I mean, I give her, she's a six to me. She's a six to me. That's above average. Homely is, no.
for the kid. Homely. She's too homely for me. She's above average. We'll give her that. She's in Hollywood. There's big to-do about her. I just never saw it. And then I heard an interview about her talking about she was originally offered the role of Knocked Up and she didn't want to do the movie because in the end they showed the delivery and the intimacy of the delivery. And even though they were going to use it... She didn't want it to be like, hey, people are going to think that's my badge. Oh, it's going to be a stunt. Obviously, anyone that saw the X-rated knows that that wasn't Katherine Heigl, you know, whatever. But she was like, I just thought I was above that. And then she tried to say, but you know what? I selfishly gave that role to Katherine Heigl, and I think she's in a better off position because I passed that role up. Yeah, I mean, it's like, dude, something about Mary. Those aren't really Ben Stiller's nuts that he zips up into the zipper. And had he been in her... Headspace is like, I'm not going to show my testicles being zipped into a zipper. Now, when they do that in that movie, it's supposed to look fake and funny and it's hysterical. Same thing. Same bit. Same deal. Same deal. She had no problem taking all of her clothes off in the drugs and money or whatever the movie was with Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah. Well, you guys, listen, you guys know a lot about her. I don't know. So check this out. Take a guy.
That's from Mars, which is basically what I don't know a thing about Anne Hathaway. I don't know any of the annoying part. I don't know anything. Jay sends me this video yesterday. Now, all I see is a good looking girl who's doing this. And I thought it was kind of fun. I've heard that you occasionally, like all of us, you get frustrated. You get angry about something that's happened to you either at work or in your private life. And you like to vent it through songwriting. Is that right? With all this stuff that's been going on with Batman. The paparazzi attention's been a little intense, so I actually wrote a rap song about it. It's in the style of Lil Wayne. Okay. And... I'm a paparazzi. I don't play no Yahtzee. I go pop, pop, pop, pop. My camera's up your crotch. See, I tell the truth from what I see and sell it to Perez Hilty. Don't call me scuzzy, making money. That's my job, celeb photography. What? Hell no, I'm not needy. I'm legit, not stockarazzi. Don't act so hotsy-totsy. Bitch, I know that you from Jersey.
I thought it was ballsy. I mean, she's a good-looking girl. I mean, I thought it was kind of fearless for a good-looking girl to put herself out there to look like a chump. I thought it was kind of ballsy. Mission accomplished. Yeah. Well, now, again, I don't have the background. If that was Paris Hilton doing it, I would want to barf. Yeah. I'd want to barf because I know that she's annoying. Don't know anything about Anne Hathaway. So I saw that. I saw a good looking girl doing a rap. And I thought, oh, it kind of took balls. Natalie Portman already did the rap. The Chronicles of Narnia rap. Oh, so it's all been done. No, but Anne Hathaway is just a hack. She's such a hack. Jay loves her, by the way. He loves her. She's a pretty girl. Go away, you mouse face. Oh, wow.
Jealous much? No. I liked her, or I didn't mind her until she came out trying to act like her poop didn't stink. That's interesting to me. So what chick in Hollywood do you like, respect, and think, that's a cool chick? A ton of them. I like Natalie Portman. That's the go-to bit that everybody has. I like Tina Fey. I like Jennifer Aniston. I like Mary Faltrow. I like a ton of them. There's only a handful of them that I just can't stand, and she's one of them. I always used to say, man, Natalie Portman was my go-to for staying out of trouble. Classy. Got started when she was a kid. Staying out of trouble. Elegant, classy. Just had a kid out of wedlock, pal. So, sorry about that, man. I'm sorry. Ruined my bit. They were on their way to the altar. Eh, well, not the same. Tripped over something. Woods is right. Not the same bit. Ruined my bit. You know, it was during all the stuff with, you know, with the chicks like Lindsay Lohan and all that stuff, and everybody was going,
Give them a break, man. It's the age that everybody when they're 20-some years old does. And I'm almost like, no, they don't. Not every 20-something-year-old, not every 20-something-year-old is showing their vag. Exactly, dude. Chris, our phone screener, that kid, man, he's legit. He just showed me his vag. He did? Damn it, Chris. He was crossing his legs. I was like, dude, put that away. Now it's over. I thought... I couldn't believe it either. I've got a picture if you guys want to see it. He just put up a picture, but that's Paris Hilton, dude. That's not him. That's Paris Hilton. Strangely the same. Fine. All I know is if I was famous at 22, I would have been in the paper every freaking day. Every day. Yeah. Every day. Woods throws cigarette butt at cop. True story. Well, I asked... Now, I got a no to this, but I wonder how many girls are out there that would say yes to this. And I know that L.O.B. would tell me the truth. I really believe L.O.B. would tell me the truth. I asked her yesterday. I said, have you ever stripped? She said, no. Now, I bet if you ask a lot of chicks, have you ever stripped? There's a lot of chicks that we would never think stripped that stripped, even if they did it one time. They should send us pictures. Yeah. Like amateur night or something. Amateur night. They did it one night because they wanted to. They were out with their girlfriends.
They were out with their girlfriends. No, no, no. Mikey, show amateur night. Mikey. They were out with their girlfriends and they wanted to do something crazy and they stripped one night. I'm telling you, I believe that there is a lot of girls out there that have done wild and crazy things one night. But I also believe that there's a lot of chicks that haven't. That haven't done it. that haven't done it and uh you know i mean i can honestly say i don't know and i don't know that i've ever met too many just super wholesome people and i mean men or women like just wholesome and like just good chris may be the only one yeah man i mean i will i will i was i was uh no man i've never been wholesome no you've when we were four or five we were somewhat wholesome dude i'm telling you every person i've ever met in my life they have a past they got a lot of skeletons in those closets you know everybody and the more i learn about people the more i realize that we're weird man we do some creepy stuff like air you know like here's the deal like it's one of those things where i go just take any human being if we were able to get inside their brain we would go are you kidding me you did
Or you wanted to? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Or you wanted to? Like, I mean, creepy stuff. Listen, I would tell stuff at the other station, and people would be like, oh, my gosh. Same people that are going, oh, my gosh. I'm like, oh, I wish I could see into your life and see the creepy things you did. Yep. Oh, boy. I said on the old station that when I was like eight years old, I practiced French kissing on my dog. It's the most hideous thing. I admitted it. I admitted it, okay? I still do that. Well, now Woods will let his dog kiss his tongue. You know, do the licking thing. Now, let me tell you something. The same people that go, you freak. You freak. Really? Is that right? Because I wonder what you've done. You don't say. I wonder what you've done. You ever wake up and sandwiched in between? Two men. Yes. Possibly. Possibly. Are you talking to me? No, no, no. In general. Just in general. In general. Now, what is always fascinating to me, I think there could be a documentary where people get 30 seconds and it could be two hours long. And for 30 seconds, they simply look into a camera and they go, I practiced French kissing my dog. Next person. Just confessions? Boom, boom, boom, boom. You just go through it.
There's a book like that where people just reveal their little secrets and it's just a quick little line. Can we call it little secrets or something? You know, because everybody's a creep. Wow, who is this guy? Yeah. Yeah. But 5701949 is our number. Nobody called for the pushover thing because they find irresistible. And I'll put it out there. For me, it's the smells. Makes a chick irresistible. Smells. You like feet. Love sexy feet. Sexy feet are great. If they're breathing. Call me Rex Ryan. You know what, though? It's hard for me to see a girl. I don't see a lot of girls with ugly feet. You do? I have before, but, I mean, it's like one of those things where I look. My bit is I go eyes, boob, feet. That's my, like, up and down. Are you sure that's the order? Boob, feet, eyes. Yes. Boob, boobs, feet, eyes. I always keep my eyes on the ice. Unless they're a long ways away, then you can't help it. Right. They have big boobs and they're a long ways away. You can't help it. You just see it. I look for well manicured, like painted, pretty feet. Does it bother you if a girl's got chipped fingernail polish? Yeah. Me too. Why are you doing that? You're in public. Sometimes you're in between pedicures. Figure it out. Figure it out. It's your job. You're a lady. That's your job. That's what your thing is. We got to do stuff too. As a guy, we got to do stuff. Don't give me this women's lip stuff. We got to do stuff too as guys. I didn't say a word. You did too. You went like this. You go.
Michelle Bachman over here. No, I was about to say, you guys go days without shaving. You can get away with it. But that looks cool. It looks cool. That looks cool. And women have said they like it. I like it with chipped nails. Yeah, it's kind of punk rocky. He will never say anything against women. Except that they're all prostitutes. That they're all prostitutes. Excuse me. That's the only thing. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. I never get tired of my wife. Yeah. On the air. On the air. I love all women. I do. On the air. I think a woman should be president. Yeah, on the air. He is one of the dirtiest birds I've ever met. It's true. It is a true statement. It's a true statement. Wiener time. Let's see. Love it. There's a couple of things I have not given you yet that I want to give you. Hey, is Uncle Victor still up or did we take it down? Take him down. Dang it. Oh, Jay. Oh, we got to leave Uncle Victor up. Do you know what I got? Because I got a stylus so that I can see my fat fingers. Don't let me press these buttons. Yeah, I forgot it at home. Weird. Of course. Remembered halfway here, but I wasn't going back. There is a killer bull in Spain. They do a lot of bullfighting, right? And Raton is a 1,100-pound bull.
He has killed his third victim in 10 years. He's good, this bull. He's good. And he claimed his third victim in 10 years. Oh, look at Jay. It's the story of the Jay. We haven't done it in a while. We're going to talk to this Spanish bull. What's his name? Raton? Raton. Raton. I don't give him any hints at the accent. Yeah, I'm not going to give him any hints. He's going to have to figure out this voice on his own. Hello, is this the Spanish Bull Raton? Hi, Raton. You are an 1,100-pound bull that has now taken your third victim in 10 years. He doesn't sound very mean, does he? He sounds more Mexican than he does Spanish. See, I am very mean. How'd you get to be so good? You know, man, I follow myself after Big Mikey. Sorry? I model myself after Big Mikey. I loved saying that again. Mikey's not a killer bull. Ah, I see. Thank you. He just looked at me through the glass like, what the hell do you want? I got nothing, man. I don't got anything. Fantastic. He's just like, what? What? I don't know what the hell you want.
You just caught off guard real good? No, we got you on that. When we come back, we're going to get Jay again because we play I'm Glad You Ask. He hates I'm Glad You Ask. We're going to ask him to explain something. What's next? Mikey Show coming up. I always have to look my sexies. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. This is the sound of Jennifer at work preparing to visit her bank. So you want to take a two-hour lunch break? Yeah, I need to visit my bank. It's all the way across town. This is Marissa preparing to visit her nearest Chase branch. Hey, just heading over to the bank. I'll be back in 10. Well, you know they just opened one in the lobby. Oh, be back in 5. Jennifer. You're aware this is going to come out of your vacation time. Oh. Marissa.
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This report, it's brought to you by CarMax. Selling your cars easy at CarMax. They'll give you a written offer. It's good for seven days whether you buy a car from them or not. CarMax, the way car buying should be. Well, it looks like we've got some backup here in Alpine. West Victoria Drive in both directions at England Place. It's an injury accident. This car is on fire now. Several lanes are blocked. They do have emergency crews heading to the scene. Las Pogas Road at the 5, a two-car crash. They've got lanes blocked there. Tow truck is on the scene. Pretty slow on the surface. streets, but the freeway's okay. Five southbound at the rest area, we've got an accident sitting on that right shoulder. This report also brought to you by Farmers Insurance. Don't have a Farmers Insurance agent? Well, you may not be saving as much as you could. Farmers has dozens of discounts. They could save you hundreds of dollars. Just call Farmers Agent Tariq per mall at 800-433-0550. Start saving. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. We're going to play I'm Glad You Asked in just a minute with Jay. And we cannot keep, seems like we can't keep the Chargers here in town. But we did spend $8.
$150,000 so that at 11 o'clock this morning, a 1949 street car will be used here in San Diego like a trolley. Yes. It took 3,000 hours and 850 grand, almost a million dollars. All right. So that we could have that out there, you know, instead of the trolley. So, awesome. Killer. Also, addiction might not be just bad behavior. It might be an actual brain disorder because they just did this study that says... Two decades of neuroscience, they uncovered how addictions basically hijack different parts of the brain. And that's explaining why people like me and Woods are me and Woods. So there you go. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, this just in, former Ohio State quarterback Terrell Pryor is going to be eligible for the supplemental draft, which will be Thursday.
That's today. Yeah. What they did say, though, this was pretty surprising. He will have to sit if he has drafted the first five regular season games of the NFL, of his NFL career. Why? Because the quote was, Pryor made decisions that undermine the integrity of the eligibility rules for the NFL draft. Those actions included failing to cooperate with the NCAA and hiring an agent in violation of NCAA rules. So they can draft him. And listen, not like the dude was going to play anyway. So he'll set the first five games, but he'll be suspended. Also number one draft pick Cam Newton will get his first start at quarterback when the Panthers take on the Dolphins this weekend. So we'll see how he does. Personally, I'm pulling for Jimmy Clawson. There you go. Three more things I disagree with. Lies that are acceptable in online dating. Michigan State University. Don't agree with one of them. Small exaggerations. If you're 5'9", it's okay to list yourself an inch smaller. Because the average person can't eyeball it. Why would you list yourself taller, taller, taller, taller? Tell the truth. They also say if you're a casual smoker, most people put that they don't want anybody to smoke. So why don't you just put that you don't smoke? Because by the time you meet them, maybe you'll be a non-smoker. Bam. Shove it. You're planning ahead. Idealizing the truth. If you're in the middle of a diet, you could put that you're a slimmer body type than you are. Because by the time you meet them.
You freaking liar. That's not bad. It's like writing a check when you know your money's going to be there in two days. You still write the check. Don't write checks. Your mouth can't afford. That's the old phrase. That's what they say, right? It's not my mouth that's paying for it. It's my paycheck. Your body, man. I ain't down with that. Three lies that are okay when you're doing online dating. And then you're surprised. You meet the chick. She's like, you're a fat. tub. Maybe you could sell her, though. Or you to her. You're like, oh, no. Somebody didn't hit the gym like they said they were gonna. Stephen Colbert. I've never seen Big Lebowski, but Stephen Colbert asked Jeff Bridges if he gets annoyed at stoned Big Lebowski fans. You, of course, are famous for playing Lebowski. Okay. Is it a burden at all having stoned people stumble up to you? And and quote that movie to you, or is it a gift? It is a gift. A true gift. The dude. The dude abides. Hey, when we saw him in concert, he even said that. Because there were people, there were yahoos, dude. When we saw him in concert, when we saw Jeff Bridges in concert, he only did like four concerts, you know? People were yelling out for him because he...
In between songs, he would be tuning up his guitar. And it was kind of quiet in this room. It was in a ballroom. It would be quiet. And people would yell out requests. You know, you'd hear somebody yell out the name of a song from Crazy Heart. And he'd go, oh, yeah, it's a good one. But then what would they say, Woods? That rug really ties the room together. It's the dude. And I wanted to go back to the table and be like, listen, you dork. I'm going to strangle you. I'm going to strangle you. Get a white Russian. I'm not kidding. And when they would yell that out, he was looking down at his tuner. And when they would yell it out, it would be a delay. He would process it. And about two or three seconds later, he'd smile politely, you know, and then keep tuning his guitar. And he'd go, yeah, make your mask. That's true, dude. That's exactly what he did. Maybe get a guitar text so you don't have to take time. Yeah, it's true. Well, you know, he's just getting started. He's not a diva. Figuring it out. Diva. You ask. Shirt shimmy, shirt shimmy, shirt shimmy. When Jay gets nervous, he shimmies his shirt. I'm glad you ask is where we ask old Uncle Jay to explain something to us. Can't wait. I love it so much. Good question. Hi, Uncle Jay. Hi. Just drop one. Oh, out the side. Uncle Jay, what does it mean if someone gets deja vu? Oh, I'm glad you asked.
What does that mean, Uncle Jay? Yeah, look at him. Well, let's see here. It's like you've lived this moment before. Maybe you dreamed it. See, it's a dream. Deja vu is a dream? It could be. It seems that way. I don't understand. So you're dreaming? Why don't they just call it a dream then? Yeah, why isn't it just a dream? It's like you've felt this way before, and it's almost like you could have dreamed it. Like maybe you were sad, but you almost lived this moment exactly before. So every time I'm sad, I have deja vu? Maybe we sit down and watch The Matrix. Wait a minute. So I'm on mushrooms? Uncle Jay, so you're saying every time... Like Lauren said, every time I'm sad, I'm having deja vu? No, it's not necessarily just because you're sad. It's almost like you've lived this exact moment. Like I was in a time machine. Like a time machine. Almost like a time machine. That's very good, Little Wood. Okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Uncle Jay. We have another question for Uncle Jay. Great. Uncle Jay, what does it mean when a boy gets to second base? I'm glad you asked.
Daddy likes to get to second base. Like in softball? It could be. I think that's where we're going to go. It's like when you almost hit a thug. Isolate. Isolate. Junior, this is just not appropriate for us to talk about. But wait, because I was at school and I heard this boy say that he got to second base and he doesn't even play baseball. Yeah, I heard it too. Well, some people refer to it as like when you're dating a girl, right? Yeah. First base is holding hands. Is it? It is? Second base is kissing. Oh. I never heard it that way. Third base is like you decide to go steady. And when you go home is when you get married. How come Uncle Woods just looked at me and winked? Here's another question, Uncle Jay. Maybe Uncle Woods wrote that question. Yeah. Figures. Uncle Jay, how is paper made? Well, I'm so glad you asked.
Well, first they chopped down a tree. What? I know. It's sad. They chopped down a tree. But it's alive. I know it's alive. But I thought you liked trees and you have so much paper. I love trees. But unfortunately, this is still the way they do things. And then they chop the tree up into little bitty pieces. So paper's wood? It is. Oh, wow. It is? So we write on wood. We write on wood. And they chop it up. Why can't we just write on the trees? And then, well, I'm glad you asked. You could write on a tree. Sure, Jimmy. But it's not as convenient. It's hard to carry a tree around, isn't it, little Lauren? But I tried to write on a tree and I couldn't see what I wrote. That's right. That's because it has to be chopped up into little pieces and then put back together with a little bit of glue. Uncle Jay, one more question. It's like my treehouse. Uncle Jay, what does it mean if someone is in a pickle? Oh, I'm glad you asked. You know how yesterday you got in trouble?
I did? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I got in trouble because I stole a piece of gum. That's right. Yeah. You got in trouble. I got in trouble. Well, some people call that being in a pickle. But a pickle is something you eat. But I like pickles. No, but this is not the kind of pickle you want to eat. It's not the kind. If you steal gum, you could say, I'm in a big pickle. Golly. I don't understand. How do you get in a pickle? They're so small. Yeah, how can you get in them? You don't actually get in a pickle. It's kind of the situation that you've put yourself into. What situation? Stealing gum is being a pickle. He's a guy on the Jersey Shore. Mike, the situation. Yeah, Mike, the situation. The situation likes pickles. He is a pickle. The situation steals gum. Yep. And a pickle's gay? Wow. Thank you, Uncle Jay. Thank you. That's so great. I'm glad you asked. Oh, I love it. I'm glad you asked. You know how they're filming the real world in La Jolla right now? They were in the building yesterday. They were. And I'm not really sure why they were, but they were in the conference room. Testing out the House of Blues brought us some new food. Which was really delicious. Now, the connection, I do not understand. Sponsor, maybe. Maybe the House of Blues provides food for them. But they were filming them in here.
Yeah, yeah. See, that's what I don't get. Like, why would they film them eating House of Blues food? Because it's sponsoring. They always have a job, whatever they do, so maybe part of whatever their job was was coming to the station and doing something. All I know is me and Woods were in the conference room and in walks these two people from the real world. What I assume was a lesbian. Yes. I only assume that because... She looked like a guy. I'm not lesbian. Is that politically incorrect to say? No, but it's politically incorrect that you guys were in the conference room without us and we didn't know about it. So when we go in the building somewhere, should we tell you? Mm-hmm. Okay.
I'm going to let you know right now, then. I'm going to the toilet after this break. Usually you let me know when you're going to do that. All right. Well, we were purposefully trying to keep you out. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. Please. So we're in there, and this girl walks in. She's, the best way I could describe her, she's as big as a horse jockey. Yes. She looked like a horse jockey. She's very diminutive. Yes. I just got an urgent phone call that this is all top secret and not to be talked about. Why? It was because it hasn't aired yet. But I didn't sign anything. I didn't do anything. The station did. What did they say? How about the heads up? That's what I just said. I don't know. I didn't know you guys were involved in any former fashion. Yeah, we didn't know. Wait, wait, wait. Say again. I didn't know you guys were involved in any of that. Because we were in here working. Yeah, all I did all week. Here's the deal. I didn't eat any of that food that came in here yesterday. And after we were done with our meeting yesterday at noon, I was hungry. And Woods goes, there's food in the conference room. And I go, well, I'm going to get some food. And there wasn't anybody in there. Just the food. And Adam. So I went in there and got the food. And it was on a plate. And I sat down and started eating. A few minutes later, cameras come in with those big fuzzy.
You know, giant boom operators. You know? And in walks a couple of good-looking people. Well, the girl looked like I'm not supposed to say. Yeah. But the other dude looked like Thor. You know, from the movie Thor. I'm not supposed to say? You're not supposed to say. No one told me. He might have said something. Who did? I'm now recalling. Dude, I didn't hear. Is that Adam that said we're not supposed to say? Okay. Adam, I'm sorry. I didn't. We're sorry. I don't remember him saying we weren't supposed to say. He said something about we weren't supposed to even know they were there. But that didn't. Well, hello. That doesn't mean. They're in a radio station we work at. If you're in a room and all of a sudden cameras come in and a boom mic and like, you know, this guy looks like Thor from the movie Thor. Allegedly. Well, please. I'm going to talk about it. I guess I'm not now. I didn't really have much more to tell you about it. I just thought it was interesting. Yeah. Well, now. I knew I wouldn't. No, no, no. We're not going to be seen because we didn't sign anything. You've got to sign something in order to be on. You know, we didn't sign anything. But I can't. Now I'm going to watch it, though. Yeah, for sure. Because I want to see what the two of them are about. Me too. She had a very strong handshake. Yeah. Strong handshake. She likes my breasts. She likes my breasts. Could have. What is this one's name? I don't know. Deep voice. Very deep voice. For sure. Talk like this. Hello. How are you? How are you? How are you? I'm pretty good. Very.
Uncle Victor hasn't been here for a while because he hasn't had a lot to talk about, but now he does. This is Uncle Victor. Quit leaving the door open. When you do, you let all the cold air out, and I'm paying for the air conditioning. So how many times have I told you, don't leave it open? What the hell is wrong with you? If you leave, close the door. What do you have to have the door for so much anyway? It doesn't make any sense to me. If I have to come home and close one more door, I'm going to freak out. You want to hear what people say that you should do for your bet? Yes, I'm glad you asked. You're glad I asked. Yesterday we were talking about how L.O.B., it's time for her to ante up when it comes to bets. Now, we said the parameters are, well, she said, I ain't taking...
My top off and I ain't getting naked. Spoil sport. And I ain't eating beef. Yes. Now, aside from that, let's hear what you got. One person said that you should eat balut. Do you know what balut is? No idea. Jay, is the balut the egg? Yes, it is. It's a partially formed chicken. Oh, that's filthy. It's... Like, imagine how filthy it is, and then multiply that times a hundred. It's not beef. It's not even a real thing. It is a real thing. Oh, yes, it is. I've seen Andrew Zimmern eat it. Yeah, it's a delicacy. And when he says delicacy, like, to me, delicacy seems like something you don't eat often. Yeah. But in the Asian countries that he's visited, not only do they eat it often, they eat it regularly. And it's sold on the street as street food. And they love it. And he's had some that's good and some that isn't. But it's a duck egg. Why would someone suggest that? Monster. Who's that guy? Creep. Yeah, who's that guy? He's a sadist. Oh, no, I don't mean the guy that suggested it. I do. I do, too. They sell it right over here at the Asian market. Oh, that's awesome. Does it stink? Like you wouldn't? Shut up. Believe it. It's also called thousand-year-old egg. That's another name they've given to it. Sounds fresh. And one Pat suggested the stun gun. I've got one. Also a sadist.
M1 Eileen suggested... No, wait a minute. This is M1 Garrett. Suggested whatever your worst fear is. We don't know what that is. We started to do that during Mikey-thon and I cried. She does not like mine. No. We should bury her alive. Let's do it. Let's just kill me while we're at it. You hate that. Put her in a coffin. Put her on the ground for like, I don't know, 10 minutes. Great idea. M1 Jorge says the shot caller. M1 Alex says the kissing booth. M1 Neo says a bungee jump. I would do that. Rachel says shave your head. Not. Rachel. Jose says taser shot to the goods. Oh, God. Even a guy wouldn't do that. Camille says wax her eyebrows off. Camille, how do you call yourself a woman and suggest that?
It's supposed to have your back, right? Yeah. Joshua says the hot sauce challenge. No problem. Get, get, get. Victor says anything bottomless. Weird. Yeah. Alex says a ghost pepper. Done. James says Mikey show tattoo. Not. Josiah says wasabi snooters. What do you do? You snort it? Snort it. Like Steve-O did. Never snorted anything. Steve-O did it in jackass. M1 Chuck says a butch haircut. Another vote for the balloon egg. Oh. Let's see. Spiders, M1 Joshua. Oh, my. Just cover in spiders? No. That'd be good. No. Let's see. Give Mikey or Woods a piggyback ride for a good distance. We don't want to kill her. He's waiting for me to read that one. He just couldn't wait for you. Her knees would buckle, Mike. She'd break her leg.
You'd give her some sort of spinal bifida. Our health insurance would not cover that. Dress up like Pam Anderson and try to get into the Motley Crue concert. They would know that it wasn't her. Make her dress up like Snooki and go into a hipster coffee house. Make her cut down a tree. Oh my gosh. Make her kill a baby seal. Get in a dunk tank. Eat an entire container of mayo. Let's see. A lot of hair from the girls. What's wrong with these girls? They're jealous of my long, luscious locks. It's longer than it's ever been. Longer. That must be what it is. Yeah. They listen to you do those commercials there? Just try some ovations. Stop hating. Stop the hating. They're jealous. Yeah. Make her take a handful of flour and go antique someone important in the station. What does that mean, antique someone?
You throw a flower, like, is it in their hair or on their face? It's just on them. Like, if you went to Garrett's office with a handful of flowers, just threw it at them. Hey, Lauren, what the hell are you doing? Get the hell out of here. You're fired. You're hired. And when Carol says, have you put on a Marilyn Monroe style picture with your skirt blowing up and Taylor Swift granny panties and posted on Facebook? It's hideous. Now, what we're going to do is we are going to pick these as long as they fall into and do not go over her boundaries. But me, Woods, and Jay are going to collectively get together and decide what it is that she has to do. I think her boundaries have expanded a little bit. Yeah, I guess so. I'm not going to make her cut her hair. We won't do that. We won't do that. You guys have to look at me, so we don't want to do anything like that. I don't want to look at Kurt Warner's wife every day when I go to work. There's some sexy ones in here, but some of them are too whorish. Well, I don't want to do something that's super whore. You won't either. You can't do that. Well, a lot of people want, I mean, there's a ton of them in here that are, put her in teebacks. Like glory hole stuff? No, no L.O.B. No, no L.O.B. Oh, wow.
No. We got a break. Yeah. Holy cow. This is what Jay made for me. Yep. It's a flute with a horn. All in one. It's a ringer flute. It's so useful. It's a fringer. It's a fringer. We haven't used that in a year and a half, but he made me a fringer. You want to play Tom Tom tunes? Call us right now. 570-1949. And when we get back, we'll play TomTomTunes. What's the prize today, Jay? Today's prize is a four-pack of tickets to see Fitz and the Tantrum September 2nd at the Del Mar Raceway. There it is. It's at easy. Call us right now, 570-1949. Listen to TomTomGirl read you some lyrics. If you can get them, you win. It's at easy. Email.com or call Mikey now, 570-1949. More of the show coming up in minutes on F94.9.
with some shows for you to go check out. Like Thursday night, downtown at Flux, She Wants Revenge will play. And Friday night, 311 and Sublime with Rome are at Cricket Wireless. Company of Thieves at the belly up next Wednesday, the 24th. Next Friday, the 26th. Butthole Surfers are playing brick by brick now. The show has been moved from 4th and B to Brick by Brick. Fitz and the Tantrums are at the track September 2nd. Big Sonic Chill presents Thievery Corporation for two nights. September 7th and 8th at House of Blues. And still to come this summer, an About the Music Show with Givers at the Casbah September 11th. An About the Music Show with the pains of being pure at heart. Also, Switchfoot at Petco Park. TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys. Bush just announced a date at 4th and B. Erasure, CSS with men. Blitzen Trapper with Dawes and Ryan Adams. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award. A fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you. Because it means when you drive an Infiniti...
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Hey, gang control pal Woodsy for Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We are less, well, we're about 20, probably 29 hours away from my friend Lauren O'Brien getting her eyes done. And I'm really excited for it because it changed my life, Dr. Sandy T. Feldman and her staff at Clearview. They did, man. They changed my life. I don't have to worry about greasy contacts anymore or... dirty glasses or painful glasses on my ear. I don't have to worry about it, man. I have 2015 vision in both eyes. You need to go in for a free consultation. Stop waiting. Call them today. 858-452. or check them out online at www.clearvieweyes.com. The place is incredible, state-of-the-art, and they will change your life. That's the most important thing. And listen, they're going to help you out, man. Get in there and at least get the free consultation, see how that goes, and let me know how it goes, man. I want to hear all about your great experience at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. What's your definition of success? Cruising in your new car every morning. Wow, I'm at work already.
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This report is brought to you by Coinstar. Coinstar, there's no fee. When you cash in your coins, you choose an Albertsons gift card. Keep every delicious scent sweet. Find the closest machine at Coinstar.com. Well, it looks like the 15 southbound El Norte Parkway, an accident. Three cars, they're in the center divider. That accident that was at the rest area on the 5 southbound, that's cleared. So you've got a good shot there. Las Polgas Road at the 5, that accident has finally cleared too. Still working this incident though in Alpine. West Victoria Drive in both directions at England Place. It was an injury accident. This car was on fire. They've got several lanes blocked emergency crews on the scene. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer. They've got a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Make an appointment with their experts. See your dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I'm a pretty honest guy, and I've been a pretty honest guy for many years. Woods. I'll never forget it, as long as I live. It was some village in Africa. She had, like, 60 of those rings around her neck and just boobs hanging out. Lauren. You know what I think the scariest thing is about clowns? They don't say anything. Yeah, that's great. Even though they can talk. And Jay. Just a man trying to do the right thing. On FM 94.9. Welcome back to the show. We have...
A guy that took a bunch of famous lines from movies and he put them to a beat and made a song out of it. And we're going to play that in just a minute. So don't go anywhere. But first, you may think with songs you're super. Let's play Tom Tom tonight. Do this. Hi, Tom Tom girl. You're a GPS device. That is correct, Mikey. You used to be in Woods' car. He doesn't have any use for you anymore. He ditched me to the curb. Yeah, he did. Kicked to the curb. Kicked me to the curb. That's right. Tom Tom girl talks like your average Tom Tom and doesn't get a lot of dates because of it. Right. And this is the challenge with her. It's not always easy to understand what she's saying. She's going to read some lyrics. You're going to try to tell us what that song is. Title or artist will help you to win. What do we have as a prize, Jay?
Today's prize is a four-pack of tickets to see Fitz and the Tantrums September 2nd at the Del Mar Racetrack. M1 P-Dog from Carlsbad. Are you ready? Do it. 20 seconds to give us title or artist. And go ahead, Tom Tom Girl, what are you going to say? May I preface this list, Mikey? Yes, you can. Is that the correct terminology? It is. I would like to say I borrowed these songs from L.O.B.'s playlist. Oh, like the lovemaking playlist? Sex pervert playlist. Her sex pervert playlist. I was running out of songs. Okay. All right, well, 20 seconds to figure out what it is. P-Dog from Carlsbad. Here we go. You think I would leave your side, baby? You know me better than that. You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees? I would not do that. I will do you right when you are wrong. If only you could see into me. Oh, when you're cold, I will be there to hold you tight to me. When you're on the outside, baby, and you cannot get in. There you go. All we need is title or artist for you to win, P-Dawg. Wow. That was By Your Side, Sade. I thought it was pronounced Sade. It is not pronounced Sade. Dirty. It's the kid's wedding song. I've never heard this before. Come on. I swear I've never heard it. Did not know. Never heard it. Sleep real good every time you hear it, thinking about your beautiful life. Water from Bay Park. Are you ready? 20 seconds, my friend.
To listen to these lyrics and give me title or artist for the win, here we go. I can remember when I caught up with a past-time intimate friend. She said, bet you are probably gonna say I look lovely, but you probably don't think nothing of me. She was right, though, I cannot lie. She is just one of those corners in my mind, and I just put her right back with the rest. M1 Otter, can you give me title or artist for the win? PM done. Yeah! Wow! That was good. Wow, that was good. That was a good plan. Hang on the line, my friend. Wow. That's honey in my ears. Yeah. How can you not like that? Oh, that's so good. So great. You're lying if you say you don't. I agree with that statement. 100%. Finally, M1, Jennifer Poway, you ready to play this game? All right, you got to listen here real closely to the TomTom, girl. 20 seconds to give me title of artist. Here we go. I know you like me. I know you do. That is why whenever I come around, she is all over you. And I know you want it. It is easy to see. And in the back of your mind, I know you should be with me. Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't y'all wish your girlfriend was a freak like me. Jennifer, title or artist? Pussycat Dolls. That is correct. It was the Pussycat Dolls. Very well done. Lauren makes love for this song, by the way. Yeah, she does. FYI. Yeah, it's on her age list. FYI. She makes love for this song. Not anymore. She has a love-making playlist. Did you ever do your love-making playlist? I put mine on my blog. You did? Yeah, I did my age list. I don't have that. I don't do that. If I was to have one. Well, L.O.B. had to change hers up. Yes. Because now we ruined all those songs. Well, we'll get the new one next year. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, we'll get the new one from you. By the way, this comes from uprox.com, which is a website that does a lot of stuff that has to do with movies. These are the 10 most entertaining but craptacular films of all time. Craptacular. Maximum Overdrive, which is a Stephen King story that they made into a movie starring Emilio Estevez. Never saw it. Varsity Blues. Ah, yes. 100%. I don't want your life. I don't want your life. Bad Boys. Mike Lowry. Shoot him up. Never heard of it. Me neither.
Number six, Independence Day. Hated that movie. Oh, I hated that movie. Number five, They Live, John Carpenter movie. All I know about it is that Rowdy Roddy Piper was in it. Number four, The Skulls. Not bad. Number three, Showgirls. Stupid. Awful. Terrible. Had Jesse Spano in it. Well, that was a treat, but the rest was terrible. Number two, Crank. Isn't that the movie with the... The white dude that's in all those, the transporter movies. Oh, that guy's pretty rad. Yeah, he like, his heartbeat couldn't get below us. Oh, yeah. I never saw it. What was his name? Jason Statham. Jason Statham. And the number one most entertainingly craptacular film of all time is Roadhouse. 100%. Yeah. Never seen Roadhouse. Mikey, whole freaking phone. No, man, everybody says it's great. Yeah, but I don't know that it would play well now.
Mikey, don't give me that. There's no way, bro. I cannot. You watch Asian films with subtitles. But those are good films for Academy Awards. Great. Big deal. They are, dude. Roadhouse might have been. You don't know. Please. Listen, you need to watch that movie. I'll movie rape you on that one. It's so bad. Listen, I talked to my wife about it the other day. I said, what is it? Why can I not get Woods to watch these movies? Talked to your wife about it? Yeah, I said, they're good. Why won't he watch them? She said, because of the subtitles. She said, I don't want to see them either. I said, but yeah, they're subtitled, but they're good. See, and the thing that makes me crazy is that if you said, listen, I got some food you're going to love, but you got to get. past the mental part of it. And then I taste it. I'm like, oh my gosh, you were right. This is freaking great. Next time I pick a Netflix film, I'm going to have to get audio of myself for the reasons I say no to things. I'll be like, no, it's Meg Ryan. No, it's in the 90s. No, there's subtitles. Is it just the dumbest reasons? Yeah. All the things that come up. The thing that changed everything for me because I was 100% on board with Woods and
My brother forced me to watch a movie. I didn't want to. When I go to visit my brother, Mark, I know I'm doing a lot of things I don't want to do. Like when I go to visit you, it's the same thing. Yes. I make you do things that are out of your comfort zone. So does my brother. And one day he pulled out a VHS copy of Amor Esperos. And I rolled my eyes and I went, I don't want to. And it was one of the greatest action films with one of the greatest stories with one of the... It's the grittiest, grimiest, most awesome film. It's in my top five films ever. Mexican dogfighting film. Perfect. It isn't. That's like the first couple of minutes, but Woods was out on that. And you own it on DVD? I own it on DVD. It's good, man. Was the tracking all screwed up on the table? Yeah, you had to turn the little tracking thing to get it to come in right. What a turd VHS was. Oh, yeah. But I'm telling you, man, some of the best movies are like that. Das Boot. Freaking great. Would have never seen it had it not been for my brother. My brother's introduced me to some of the greatest movies ever. Das geht. Because it's in German. Yes. You think it'll be boring? Yes. It's an action film. I don't like action films necessarily. You don't? Okay, okay. That's the other thing. You don't like action films? No, not really. Because it's real. I mean, it was based on real things. Right.
It's based on the... I've never been a big action guy, man. Everybody was into the Terminator and stuff. I wasn't into the Terminator. I don't like action. I never saw Mad Max. I know, but I never saw Mad Max. It was good. What were the big action thrillers? Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, man. That's along the same lines, what I'm trying to talk you into here. By the way, a friend of mine was walking in Stater Brothers, was walking through the parking lot of Stater Brothers with her boyfriend, who she's been dating. Four years? Three and a half, four years. I know the feeling. What? L.O.B.'s been dating. Three and a half, four, give or take. When I say give or take, I do mean, you know, we broke up, we got back together, broke up, you know, whole deal. There's good news to that, L.O.B. I married my wife, same thing. Yeah. 75 breakups, about, me too. Yeah. But then we got married. Yeah, that's true.
So continue on. There's hope for you. Yes. Don't anybody hold their breath. Tick tock, tick tock. Yep. Well, this girl was very shocked by her boyfriend because he'd never exhibited this type of behavior before. Oh, no. They were walking by a car and the window on the car was halfway rolled down. It was a hot day. They walked by the car and a little dog jumped up into the window and started to bark. And it startled them both. And without even thinking about it, he turned to the dog and went out of anger. The man did that? Yeah. Because he was mad. And she went, babe. And he cursed. Dog. Dog. And she was like, what are you doing? She could tell he was embarrassed. She said he blushed. But she said it scared her because he's never done anything that weird. I mean, this was a level of weird that she's never seen before. And I, you know, my bit, the hurt, sadness, fear, I said it scared him. He was afraid. He got mad. He did that. She goes, you don't bark back at dogs. No one does that. No one does that. No one does that. And I said, I've not done it, but I understand. Yeah, I've done it.
You've done that. You've barked back at dogs. Dogs will go by my yard and they're barking at my yard and bear and I'll bark bear right back at them. Really? Yeah, it's just weird. Just to be crazy. Yeah, just to be crazy. Well, I think that he was doing it because he, this is what I think the emotion was that was behind it. Really? You want to mess with me? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You're going to bark at me? I'll bark at you. I've even bitten my dog. What? Yeah, if my dog bites me too hard, like we're playing, I'll hold him down and I'll go right for his jugular and bite on his neck. His jugular? Wow. That'll teach him. I bite my dogs, too. You do? I do it out of love. I bite them on their butts. I'm sure you've done something out of anger with the pets. No. Flip them down. They immediately know you're in charge. You show them your teeth and you get all over their neck. Oh, my gosh. Good way to get your face ripped off, though. Yeah. By my dog? Yeah, maybe. My dog knows who's in charge. Caesar says you're supposed to do this. He says that you have to show the dog who is submissive and who it is not. Right. I make Jasper do it, too. You do? Really? And we all, like when the dog's growing up, we all go eat out of the dog's food bowl, like pretend to. So the dog's got his food bowl down there. Because you know how some dogs get real territorial about their food bowls? So when they're little, we'll all go up there, and while they're eating, we'll kind of push them aside and act like we're eating out of their dog bowl. Except we actually do eat it.
We actually do eat the dog. Then we let the dog back in. So now, and we also make the dog sit and look at us, look in you in the eye before you give it the food. I thought you were never supposed to look a dog right in the eye. To show control, you are. Yeah. So my dog won't even eat while I'm in the room now. He just watches the whole time. He's like, is it my turn yet? Has anyone listening ever nudged their dog out of the way to show them, this is, you're not, you don't run this house. Who's boss? You're not the boss of me. And I'm going to show you, you SOB. I'm going to break you. I'm going to break you. I'm going to break you real good. Break your spirit. I'm going to break you like a mare. Uh-huh. Okay? Yeah. You were at one time, and by one time I mean five minutes before this moment, the wild Mustang roaming through Montana, through the hills of Montana. Never seen a human before. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to saddle you. I'm going to saddle you. From this moment on, you'll know.
You don't pay the mortgage around here. Eat what we eat when we tell you. You've got to have control. I can't believe Jay's eaten out of a dog bowl before. He didn't, he said. I don't waste food, LLB. You know that. Put your face down there like you're eating it and make the food move around so it's like they think you're eating it. Wow, that is great measures. Well, I don't want my kid to get bit. I don't want my kid to get bit. I want the dog to know that food is just... You know, food. I know. That was an overreaction. Anybody ever done anything really? Like, you're embarrassed. You did something crazy. Something creepy like that. Barked at the dog. I used to make this noise. I discovered, like, if I did Donald Duck, sometimes the dogs would get, like, curious and do their head back and forth deal. Tilt their head. So then I used to go... And it would make them... Crazy. Go nuts. They would tilt their head to the side and then like spin around and chase themselves. I don't know what it is about that noise. What about a one time only irrational moment? Have you had a one time only irrational moment where even you surprised yourself? Oh, wow. That was very odd. Oh, gosh. I've never really done that before. For instance, I once threw a plate of food into a swimming pool.
Because I was so mad. Threw a plate of food in a swimming pool. I was a teenager. Jump in after it. You ain't gonna let a little chlorine ruin a big old hot dog and chili beans, are you there? You must have been really angry at the food. How old were you? Thirteen. What provoked it? Mom and dad. Because it wasn't a king-size meal, it was just a regular meal? Are you sure you didn't clean the plate all the way clean and then angrily throw the plate? Because that seems a lot more realistic. I'm sure. It had food on it. Wow. You just can't make up stories like this, Mikey. I'm not. I was angry, and I threw it into the swimming pool. Do you remember why you were angry? Yes. Why? None of your... Mike! You have to tell. None of your business. Now you have to tell. If I tell you, all you're going to do is make fun of it. Exactly.
Did it have to do with food? No. Did your mom find a magazine under your mattress? No. Was it about a girl? No. My room stunk. Shut up. It's that, the laugh that she gave. That laugh that she gave Woods is deeper. It cuts like the Grand Canyon. Yep. Woods is holding his breath right now to not laugh. Wow. Just talk more about it when we get back from break. Maybe not. Maybe we should. On FM 94.9. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award. A fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you. Because it means when you drive an Infiniti, you'll not only enjoy an unrivaled performance experience, you'll own the luxury brand projected to hold more of its value longer than any other in America.
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On-site interviews will be conducted by management personnel. The Patterson UTI Drilling Hiring Fair. This Friday, 9 to 4 at the Hilton San Diego Bayfront Hotel. Patterson UTI is an EOE. PlayStation 3, the sweetest gaming console around, is now available at only $249. Now for only $249, you can get the biggest and best game. Plus, awesome features like Blu-ray, HD streaming movies, and free access to PlayStation Network. PlayStation 3, now only $249. This report, it's brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage. For your auto, home, or your condo, call 877-Wawanisa or go to wawanisaus.com. Great shopping. It can actually pay off. Heading into Chula Vista 54 eastbound at the 805, there's a box spring in the middle of lanes. Also, the 8 eastbound at the 805, a tire shell. That's sitting in the number 4 lane. Three-car accident here in Escondido on the 15 southbound. It's at El Norte Parkway. It's got three cars, and they're in the center divider. This report brought to you by USAA, USAA's commitment to serving the financial needs of the military vets and their families. It's now closer to home. Visit the new USAA Financial Center at Fenton Marketplace. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
Nobody freaks out about guns and stuff. I don't freak out about them because my brother, I grew up around them. My brother had them the whole time I was growing up, so I don't freak out about guns. I like them. Woods. I flooded an entire Hampton Inn. Lauren. I used to be really into the Grateful Dead. Fantastic. And like the knob chomp of. And Jay. I don't want to miss somebody calling just like, hey, let's go surf. Or let's go do something. Oh, Jay, shut up. This is the Mikey Show. Can you believe it? On FM 94.9. Jules is another. So fantastic. Hey, I don't want to miss somebody calling to say, let's go work out. Let's surf. It's Mikey's show live. We got a live studio audience hanging out with us today. Every day that we are on the air. Don't freak out. Tiny amounts, tiny amounts of radioactive sulfur from Japan been found in San Diego. Tiny amounts. I mean, it's not anything to freak out about. In fact, they had to use a special machine to even measure something that small. I'm just saying. IRS has gotten a hold of a 40-year-old woman that was saying that she had more kids than she had. And by more kids than she had, I mean 19 of them. And she now faces 143 years in prison and $5.6 million in fines. So she probably shouldn't do that.
Quincy, what's going on in sports? Well, Detroit Lions defensive tackle Indomitian Sioux, who's one of the biggest beasts in the NFL, took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with being fined $20,000 already in the preseason on a hit he made on Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton. Oh, wow. Guy's already getting fined, man. One game in. Also, there is NFL football tonight. You should check it out. It's Philly against Pittsburgh at Heinz Field. It'll be on around 5 o'clock on Fox. Also, New England will be taking on Tampa Bay in Tampa Bay. On Fox as well? Not on Fox as well. What is that one? Untelevised, it says. See? Doesn't say it's on. Oh, yeah. Then that one is that. We can't see that one. Yeah, we won't be able to see that one. But we will be able to see the Philly at Pittsburgh. There you go. Thank you, Chronic Taco. Let's hear it for Chronic Taco. Yeah. You got two locations, Encinitas Boulevard and El Camino Real between Ralph's and CBS and Solana Beach off Loma Santa Fe Drive, just east of the freeway. And it's customized Mexican food with a twist. They've been delivering food to us every day, and it's really, really good. He likes it. He likes it. And if you want to check it out, you can go to eatchronictacos.com. That is their website. Also, by the way. Oh, man.
We have people in the studio right now. I want to let you guys know that you can use the photo booth that we have set up out in our lobby. We have a photo booth here that is really, really cool. And you can have your own photo booth. It's got your own branding on it. We've got our logo on it. And you get your photos printed in seconds. And it's very, very cool. It's picturebooth.com. And it's a great thing to have at your business just for fun. Yeah, you can go topless, too, if you want. Yeah, if you want. I mean, if you want. The dudes can go topless. Yeah, yeah. You can moon it if you want. Yeah, oh, yes. If you so desired, you could. You can do the tuck back if you want it. Oh, please don't. And you could do, I could get in a photo booth and... Oh, God, no. That'd be really... I'll do one for you, and I'll leave it on your desk. That's okay. I'm gonna, though. No, but I don't have it. Yeah, but I will. That's okay. That's all right. We should talk more about you throwing your plate of food into the pool in case people miss it. You were mad. You were 13, and you threw your plate of food into the pool. In our garage, we had a white wooden hamper. The hamper was meant for dirty clothes. I did not always put the clothes in the hamper. Whenever my mom would find Skidmark clothing, she would yell. She would yell in the garage. She would clench her teeth, and she would say, Michael. Michael! It sounded like this. Michael!
I'll never forget that sound. You knew from that, you're like, damn it, Skidmark. Skitties. Okay, now, I shared a room with my brother. The reason that I was upset was because my brother had clothes in there, too. I felt singled out. You know, there was clothes all over the room. Why is it me? Why am I getting yelled at? Probably because I was the only one there. So you're having a family picnic. Everybody's eating hot dogs. No, everybody was not eating hot dogs. It wasn't hot dogs. That was a joke. Oh, enchiladas, then. Tacos. Something with tortillas. Fajitas. I don't. Chimichangas. I want tacos and burritos. Burritos. Empanadas? No. Chorizo. Yes, it was chorizo. Horchata. Machaca. I threw a horchata. Into the swimming pool. A plate of horchata. Yes. I had a plate of horchata. Weird. And I was sipping it off of the plates. Off the Dixie plates. A plate of leche. That's milk. Like a cat. I was eating on a plate and my mom yelled at me. Steve wasn't there. And I, in sort of a show of bravado and protest.
Got up and walked away with the plate. Frisbee style it or dump? I threw it in the pool. Yes. I'm a big fan of the storm out. I'll do a storm out from time to time. I've stormed out of here once or twice. It's always a good move. When you do the storm out, people know you're upset. They get the point. Loud and clear. Storm out is so lame. I love the storm out. Can I just say, though, the storm out, to me, is the equivalent of the peel out. Yeah, I do that, too. I want to go, oh, really? You put your foot on the accelerator. You're so mature, aren't you? You're so strong. You're so mature, Mikey. You have a foot. You're so mature. You get the point, though. I always think, boy, you've got to replace those tires soon. Yeah. You don't think that way? I always say, go out. It's stupid. It's going to cost you money. You are the first human being that's thought that when that's what happens. Well, there's 2,000 miles. Girl, be sensible when you're mad. Damn it. Yeah. Hey, listen. Just because I'm pissed don't mean I ain't frugal. Cheap. Makes me think somebody else is buying your tires. Oh, man. Every time I hear, I go, oh, you're so strong. You've got a hand.
I love the peel out bit. Yeah. I love it. I've done it to my wife a bunch of times. Tough. You know. No, she knows. If you get peeled out on. You are so strong. If you get peeled out on, watch out. First of all, I don't know how to peel out. You know how when guys smoke their tires? I don't know how you do it. You step on the gas. Yeah, you jam the gas. You cut the wheel real good. Woods did it to me one time. I did. I was so mad at him. Clown. down the street. Old Bessie just trying to hold on as best she could. Some guy did it at the gas station the other day. He must have had some sort of encounter with the person inside the store and he peeled out of there only to just peel right up to a red light. And then the guy, he had a horn that went and he was pushing the horn in front of him to go, but it was red. That is horrific. But I'm really mad, man. I thought the same thing though. I was like, oh, so bad. So mad. Look how mad you are. I love it. I love the peel out bit. So, Gerard Depardieu is a Frenchman. He was in Green Card, got Academy Award for Green Card. He's 61 years old. He peed on an airplane. He had to use the toilet and the stewardess said, it's going to be 15 minutes before we're up in the air and you can do that. We're taxing right now. And he said, they cannot wait. So he stood up and he peed.
plane in front of people. So this was Anderson Cooper reporting on it. Anderson Cooper starts to giggle and can't regain. He can't regain. And here's what it sounded like. So after Gerard took his little solo flight to Urination, the plane had to turn around and go back to the gate and some unlucky cleaning crew had to deal with the Golden Globe winning Tinkle. Now all I can say is they should thank their lucky stars it wasn't Depard 2. Sorry. Here it comes. That made me giggle every time I read it. It made him giggle. He hasn't commented on this incident. Part two. I know you got it, but... Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, my. And the snort. My friends at home are going, oh, my God, you sound so gay. Stop giggling right now. Good God. Hold yourself.
You do. He sounds like a four-year-old girl. He came in that night, and his boyfriend goes, Andy, you sounded like a dumb duck. You sounded like a fruit. What's the matter with you? Coop. What the heck? Sorry. It's the greatest. We've got to isolate it, dude. We need it. Oh, the snort. Oh, man. When you can get your wife to snort, is there anything better? That's the best. Because then you just go, as soon as she does it, you go, and that gets her going even more. Yeah. She really can't stop. You snort back at somebody, you get them. He keeps thinking about the line over and over again. It's the best. Sorry, this actually never happened to me. I always see this. There's everything on YouTube. Oh, wow. He's lost it. Oh, that's fantastic. Let's see. So, question. Somebody's birthday, it's your friend, it's your family member, whatever. It is not your significant other, okay?
We're not talking together. But it's a friend. It's their birthday. Is it acceptable to say happy birthday on Facebook and leave it at that? No. Why? Not if they have their phone number. Okay, so you've got to call. Well, or text. If you don't, what? You don't care. You're a monster. What if it's the other way around? What if you text them but you don't Facebook? Do you have to do both? I'd say the text is better than Facebook. It's more personal. So I think you can get away with the text if you know them. It was my mom's birthday. I Facebooked her, I texted her, and I called her. Wow. That's your mom. It's my mother. What if it's just a friend? My best friend, Kevin, turned... That's a best friend. That's so different. He's the best friend. So yes, I Facebooked him and texted him. I didn't call him, though. Well, that's not very nice. That's your best friend. I Facebooked and texted him. Matt did the same thing for his best friend on his 30th. I said, did you call him today? He said, no, but I Facebooked him. I think I texted him, too. That's a best friend. We're guys. We don't have to do that.
Happy birthday, buddy. You don't have to do that. Yeah, that's just weird. That's weird. Weird? I think it would be weird, too, if he answered the phone and you'd go, Happy birthday, buddy. Happy birthday, buddy. Hey. My true love was true. I'd hang up on you. I would, too. That's the creepiest thing that Woods does, is sing the platters like that. I do a lot. When he licks his finger and he slides across his mouth. I won't look. I won't look. I won't look. That is creepy. How about when he rubs his hand down the side of your face? I hate that. Beautiful man. He calls it the beautiful man. He'll do it when we're in the elevator in front of people. And I'll fake do it to people in the elevator. The gentleman. The gentleman. Someone's head. Oh, gosh. But sometimes he'll make contact with the side of your face with the back of his fingers and he'll gentleman you. I'll gentleman you. Back in Dallas when we both still drank.
Woodsy would put his arm around me, and he'd have a shot in his hand, and he would kiss my head. Oh, my gosh. What's wrong with you? He was drunk. Kid was very gregarious. Very gregarious. Like Keough. And Mike Keough. They wouldn't tell you you look like a cookie sheriff. With those glasses on you, D, you look like a cookie sheriff. Cookie sheriff. I like your new hairdo. Graham Walker is the world champion rock, paper, scissors guy. I'm sure you have posters of him in your room. He says that while a lot of people think that rock, paper, scissors is a random game, most human beings just are not wired for it to be as predictable as we think. For instance, you want to beat somebody at rock, paper, scissors. Know this. Inexperienced players, you know, planet Earth, they tend to lead the game off by throwing rock first. True story. Okay?
No one knows why, but it means that you can lead off with paper and probably give yourself a very early victory. Now, here's the other thing. Rule of threes. People don't like to throw the same thing three times in a row because they think it makes them too predictable. So that means if somebody's thrown rock twice, you can bet they're not going to do it again. If you throw scissors, you're either going to beat them or, at worst, tie. This next one seems a little bit sketchy, but this dude says that it works. People tend to mimic gestures that they see other people making. Now, when you're playing rock, paper, scissors, you can do gestures, you know, until you hit the palm of your hand. So he says, while you're doing it, he says, do the hand motion of scissors, you freaky creeps.
A little rock hand motion, Mike. Yeah. Wiener time. Do the hand motion of scissors. Subconsciously, you're influencing your opponent to throw scissors. You're going to be waiting with a rock. Terrible. Play with L.O.B. All right, ready? End of the game. Wait, wait. Hands behind your back or in front of you? And we go one, two, three, shoot. What was that? It's rock, paper, scissors. I've never seen rock, paper, scissors with your hands behind your back. How would you do that? No. I was just starting. That's the starting point. Ready? Okay. Now we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Scissors. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Scissors, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Scissors, rock. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Got you! He got me. How many did you win? How many did she win? Two out of three I won. Wow. A hell of a comeback. There you go. Because I didn't listen to the article. You got it. You can beat people. You just say to people today, go, hey, five bucks, rock, paper, scissors, three in a row. And then declare a thumb war. Then declare a thumb war. Yes. My brother, you ever had a brother didn't cheat at that? No, he always did a sneak attack. Thumb war, yeah. Sneak attack. Sneak attack bit. Yeah. My brother used to do this thing, he'd be doing a sneak attack, he'd slap you on the side of the face. Good move. It's a brother thing. Wow. I cry, and then my parents get mad at Steve.
And he'd get mad at me for crying. Yeah. What am I supposed to do? Not go to the authorities? He'd just slap me in the head. He'd slap me, dude. Like, you just assaulted me. You don't want me to go to the authorities? Like, you're now punishing me for going to the authorities. I had to do something. What was I supposed to do? Slap him back. Slap him back. I couldn't. Too big. He was too big. He was too big. In fact, one time I thought to myself, I'm just going to absorb it. So I let Steve pummel me. And I was like, go ahead, do it again. And he was just pummeling me. Finally, he got tired of pummeling me. Then we got into our first physical altercation when I was 17. And I cut his eye and he said, you're not my brother. You guys remember that story? How old was he then? He's eight years older than me. 25. He was 25. So dramatic. So dramatic. You're not my brother. Door closed. I'm like. Really Young and the Restless. Easy Peyton Blaze. Cue the music. Yeah. Now peel out. Easy Dawson's Creek. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. My friends come in the studio I have not seen for 12 years. She was mad at me for years. I don't blame her because I didn't show up to her wedding. I was drunk. Are you kidding? It took a long time.
for us to talk after that one. Well, I didn't show up because I was an alcoholic. Well, I've seen alcoholics at weddings. Yeah, me too. No, I know, but I knew if I went, what was I going to do? Drink. Drink. Everyone turns into an alcoholic for the night at a wedding anyway. That's true. You've never drank so much than you do at a wedding. Yeah. Yeah, so that did not go over well, but then we made up years later, and now everything is good. What about this ex-con? 17 years because he sprayed his wife with gasoline. This guy's a felon. Splashed gas onto his ex-wife. Then flicked a lighter. And this all happened and he was sentenced to 17 years in prison. Guy's name is Danny Vinci. Danny Vinci. He's 44 years old and didn't visibly react to the judge.
When they read the sentence, which is always a strange bit. It is to me, too. When they don't react. Yeah. They just stay in their stone face. I would cry. They're praying on so much Xanax, they don't know. Probably. And then, something stunk in San Diego. You guys hear about this? I heard about it. Didn't smell it. It was all over the place, but I didn't smell it. Strange smell. Kept a bunch of emergency operators really, really busy yesterday. Anybody in the studio smell it? You smell it? Come over to Mike. Because, I mean, I guess it happened. I mean, it was a long distance, too. It was like all the way from Del Mar. What part of town? First of all, what's your name? Becky. Becky, what part of town? Sorrento Valley. And did it start at a particular time? I don't know. I left work around 2.40. And instantly. Instantly. Like chemical type stuff. It was like a chemical thing. Well, it was all across the county. Woods. And you're right. It started at 2. They say it started at 2 o'clock. And they said it was really obnoxious, sweet smell, like lighter fluid even. I like that. Kerosene. I like that smell. Those smells don't bother me. I love that. Better than manure. I lived in Lubbock, Texas for two years. It smells like poo. Yeah. The whole time you're there, poo. But I'm that dude that says skunk smell. It's not that bad to me. Skunk I like. I kind of like it. If I smell a skunk, I'm not like, oh. I'm like. Some marijuana has been said to.
It smells just like a snack. Some beers, you'll open up a beer and it smells just like a fart. Yeah. Yeah. But I like it. Delicious. But they got calls north of Del Mar Heights and all along the beach area, La Jolla, PB. Woods. What? Why me? Didn't you have Mexican food yesterday? No. No one got sick from it. But still, as a precaution, they had a bunch of fire station crews. That had to go out to different areas to try to find out. So I wonder what it was. They think it might have been the water treatment facility. Could be the chemtrails that they're putting on us. That's a fake bit. Oh, wait a minute. The source turned out to be rotten vegetation caused by low tides and high humidity. That was a different one that they reported on. Oh, it was? Yeah. Calls happened. I forget when they said, but I read that article. And it said it happened before? Yeah, when those calls happened before. So it was a familiar thing for the authorities. And they said that turned out to be the vegetation dying from low tide. So they don't know what this was? Still don't know. Hmm. I bet it wasn't anything serious. Just stomping. Let's make some noise in here. We got a live studio audience. A lot of people like to spend a lot of money on their pets. And that is a true story. And you do it for all kinds of different reasons. And I'll tell you about them.
When we come back. How's our chance? Let's do it. More from the Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. All the speed you need at a great price. I'm talking about $14.95 a month. That's for a year. So it's a full year guarantee. Really good. You get to pocket the extra dough. And the cool thing about it too, it includes the on-the-go. access to the entire AT&T National Wi-Fi Network, 24,000 hotspots all over the country. So if you're the type of person that has to travel for a living, really good for you. But it's really good for anybody. And as long as you got yourself one of these phones, you're good to go. Now, here's what you do. Call 877-ONLY-ATT or you can also go online, att.com slash possible.
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I'm your diminutive friend. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! And Jay. I like my coffee black. On FM 94.9. We got a live studio audience hanging out with us in the studio right now. Hello, B. You got a number for me? I gave it to you, my friend. You did? I didn't give it to you, my friend. All right. Either way. Welcome back. Woods is so happy. Yeah, I am happy. Why are you happy? Because we got a little angel visiting. My friend Kim, my friend Kim from high school is here. Woods, he lives for stories about me. We all do, my friend. Don't pretend that this one doesn't. She's chomping at the bit. She does. In fact, Lauren probably more than anybody. Lauren laughs at my humor more than I think anybody. I feel bad, but it's also really funny because...
It takes a big man to be so self-deprecating. A really big man. Real fat. Just it takes a fat ass to be so self-deprecating. That's right. And I mean big. And I mean big. It takes a real Mexican man, man, to be able to talk about himself the way you do. Short and stature, big and girth. So my friend Kim Yaffe from high school is here. What are you guys doing in town? Oh, my husband comes down here for work. He does? Yeah. And I just pawned my twins off with my mom. Oh, I love that. She's got twins, too. Nice. I love to do that. Husband's a sharp dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sharp guy. Yeah, and then we called them last night, and I heard my twins had a poop party. What is that? Where they just start throwing it around or something? Yeah, they smeared it all over the group. Oh, my God. Bet you're glad you weren't there. I know. That's the first thing I thought. Who's taking care of them? My mom. I do the thing whenever anybody asks, who's watching the kids? I go, I don't know. Every time somebody says, who's watching the kids? I don't know. Enough of the kids. Let's talk about Mikey and Gilroy. Gilroy. Gilroy. All right. So you guys are in the same grade. Oh, totally. Totally. And good friends in high school? You want any background on Kim? Oh, yeah. Kim, prettiest girl in school. Did you know that? What's your husband's name? Lou. Lou. Lou. Did you know that your wife?
Was like most popular girl in school. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes. I want to squeeze him. Pretty squirrel in school. He knew. And so we were buddies. Since freshman year. Yeah. How'd that happen? I'll tell you how it happened. Funny guy. No, I'll tell you what I did. Funny guy. Very funny. But I did something creepy. We went into. Totally creepy. I went into the orthodontist. You know, I was at the orthodontist. She got in the orthodontist. And when they took pictures of you, when you got your orthodontist taken, you know, when you got your brace taken off, I stole Kim's picture. Are you kidding me? I don't even know this. Ted Bundy. Yeah, but I thought that I said, remember Dr. Bell used to smell like tuna fish sandwiches when he would work on it. I don't know this. He eventually got fired because I guess so. Oh, wow, Mike. Creep. So you stole the picture. I stole a lot of pictures. We all did. All guys did. That was like a bit. I stole pictures. They didn't put them up where you went. What? How dare you. So you took her picture. Why? Oh, gosh. No. Yep.
Gosh. A little alone time? No, but, like, he had this photography thing. Hand-to-hand combat? He used to, like, walk around and take pictures of people, and, like, he was a photographer. No, it's not like that. It was for freaking photography class. Oh, it was a photography class. I didn't walk around with a 35 millimeter. Can I take your picture? Oh, that's right. It was a photography class. It was a photography class. Yeah, and then it was a photography class, but then it ended up, like all these pictures he took of people ended up in the yearbook, right? So he started taking all these pictures of me, and of course it ended up in the yearbook. Like a whole spread of you in the yearbook. Totally. And I'm into it, right? So you guys, you stole the picture. How did you become friends is what I want to know. Because you make yourself seem like... you know, Quasimodo in high school. Because, okay, he's like this little Mexican kid. Wait, wait, wait. What is Quasimodo? What is Quasimodo? Quasimodo. I know, but what does that mean that I make myself seem like Quasimodo? Like Hunchback of Notre Dame. No, God, no. I'll tell you what. He was Hunchback of Notre Dame, but... It's true. It's true. So nothing's changed. Shut it. But, but, let me tell you, he was a funny Hunchback of Notre Dame. That's the icing on the cake. Watch me put a rabbit on the hat. And,
Okay, so if you got this... I could get pretty girls, but they had to be crazy. Right, okay, and I was freaking nuts. Weird. Yeah, I was really nuts. And so, okay, if I thought I was cool as hell, but I got this funny Mexican hunchback of Notre Dame following me around, making me pee my pants, I'm going to go for it, right? True story. I actually made her pee her pants. Yeah, all the time. For laughter. Yeah. All the time. No, from scaring her by jumping off from a bush. Throw her to the bed. Trying to be squiggy. Wait, did you guys date? No. No, he was friends with like all my... Okay, he tries to portray that he was a dorky guy, but everyone loved Mikey. He was a dorky guy. Okay, come on. It was like he is now. Come on. There's no difference. She's like ugly, but everybody likes him. No, he was not ugly. Not attractive, but everyone liked him.
Everyone loved him. Okay, my parents would hire him to DJ all of their parties, their 50s parties. Okay? You didn't have anything else going on that Friday night, didn't you? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I did not. You mean I get to come to the party, too? Easy, DJ I am. It's a true story. It's a true story. Wow. This is the greatest ever. We'll be back. I didn't even tell you the pet thing. I got to tell you this Letterman thing. We got all kinds of stuff. My friend Kim's in the studio. Let's make some noise. Our live studio audience we got in here. We'll be back. On FM 94.9. AT&T got to tell you what they're doing for you. They got this cool thing called the GoPhone. Now, this is perfect for your kids. It's actually really perfect for you if you don't want to go through the annual credit check or the annual contract. This is great for you. It's 50 bucks. You can go into your local AT&T store and take care of this. Now, the phone has unlimited talk, text, and the web for 50 bucks a month. It's called GoPhone. Don't forget that. If you go into one of the AT&T stores, say, hey, I heard Mikey talking about the GoPhone. What can you tell me? You can also check it out online. att.com slash GoPhone. It's really great, and it's really easy. So check it out today. Again, no annual contract. There's no credit check for it.
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And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like a skinny fry. I don't like thick. I don't like thick fries. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. Woods. Oh, I want filth. I want straight filth. As filthy as it can get. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience that we have in here. I got a fever and the only prescription. Is that it? Yes. It's radio time. Jihad threats made against David Letterman. And this is what was really weird about it. Here's what they said about him. Apparently he made some jokes about Al-Qaeda. And they take it really seriously, you know, like the FBI. He made some jokes about Al-Qaeda. And then these groups came out and they said, quote,
That's what they said about him. We need to cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever. He's not Jewish, by the way. But anyway, the FBI takes it real serious. I was not sure if he was Jewish or if he was something else. I just went with Jew. Yeah, we were covering base. Covering base. Is what it's called. Freaking idiot. Listen, it's not like Mikey could tell. A mile away. It's not like Jay, you hear him talk two seconds and, oh, I am from Southern. I am from Southern. You know, right away. It isn't like L.O.B. Jersey, blonde hair. I get it. I'm guessing he's in entertainment. There's a lot of Jewish people in the entertainment. I don't know. What do you want from me? I guess. I'm trying to cover base. Four ways people waste money on pets. Oh, boy. A. Expensive pet beds. Do you do that, Woods? Yep. We have. We have. Five giant pet beds that are really expensive. Where do you keep them all? On the floor. Oh, my gosh. Oh, shut up. Expensive treats. Yep. What do you do? I mean, all kinds, dude. I mean, we get all kinds of treats. We have seven different kinds of treats for them. Why so many? Just because we like to mix it up. They like variety, too. They're, you know, do they? They ask you by, oh, shut your mouth. Can you give me the special? We actually have ice cream ones now. They're, like, frozen, and they're little niblets, and so they all get a little cold niblet, and they love them. Wow.
I'm not going to say anything about it. We have begging strips. They love the begging strips. I get it. They love it, yeah. Totally. They like your dogs. You want to do something nice. That's right. We can't have kids, so, you know, that's the deal. Like my wife and I can't. We're unable to have children. We know, but you bring the room down. We actually got really close last year. You bring the room down. We got really close. We got like a week away. Then she changed her mind. So we kind of consider our pets our children. My friend Kim doesn't understand. He was going to adopt a baby last year. It fell through. So what he does to make us all uncomfortable is we'll be on the air like this and he'll passive aggressive. aggressively bring it up like it's a joke. It's a joke to him, but to us, it's very uncomfortable. So that's why, I'm just saying, that's why we are so fanatical about our pets. Totally, I get it. You get it. See, Kim gets it. We didn't have kids for 12 years. See, you can relate. Yeah, I can relate. Yeah, and what time? We had seven pets? We have seven pets. We have seven dogs. Are you kidding? No. Seven dogs. I love it. How about this one? Pet strollers. No, don't do that. You're not psychotic. Well, you'd have to take your dog on a walk, wouldn't you? We have a giant backyard, you monster Nazi. Oh, they just want to be trapped. It's a giant backyard. Yeah, don't take them for a walk. Why would I take them for a walk when I have a giant backyard? Oh, you don't walk them? No. Don't you think they like a change of scenery? Lauren, I have seven.
I can't walk them all. It's just easier that way. Hey, why do you even call them pets? Why don't you call them inmates? They're prisoners. They're not prisoners. They come and go as they please. They don't go to the dog park? No, I have seven. What about socializing? Here's the problem. Well, they socialize with each other. Monday's three days. Three on Monday. Three on Tuesday. I have so much time to just break up and do little play dates with... This is God's honest truth. If I pick up Sonny to take him with me on a ride... Lucky and Penny look at me and they're like, Dad, and then I got to take them. Then Savannah freaks out. I got to do that. Okay, but what if you had like seven kids and then you said, okay, you can only play with each other and you're seven kids. Well, I'm not psychotic. I know. They're humans. They can leave the house. I know. I don't have to put them on leashes and walk them. I know. You should take your kids with tails to the dog park. Hang on, Kim. Hang on. M1 Surf Daddy from Cardiff. You there? Yes, sir. What was the word of the day? Beaver. Yeah. I thought he said beaver. Nice fever. Nice fever. Nice fever. Just got a pair of tickets to Legoland Park Hopper tickets, and you're also going to the Padres game with Woodsy and his wife on Friday night. Tony Hawk Foundation night. You better be there, pal. All right, hang on the line, okay?
Not a kid. Yeah. Yikes. So off the air, my friend Kim. My friend Kim is in the studio. She went to high school with me. Off the air, she said that I wasn't like the punch back in the other day. No. Well, you had your fist up in her face. That's true. And you said, say it. Say it. Truth be known, yeah, I did. So let's get back to Mikey DJing adults parties in high school. Totally. Okay. While everyone else was out. At partying and getting laid and having a good time. Now, do you remember any of Mikey's, did he have any girlfriends? Oh, my God. Not friends that are girls. Not friends that are girls. He had a gazillion friends that are girls. Yes. But girlfriends. No, for four years, all we heard about was Beth. It's true. I wanted to puke. It's true. Beth. Was she a real girl? Yeah, she was. She lived like four doors down from him. He, like, dreamed. Like, it was pathetic. Yeah. And I can't come home right now. Yeah, that was the same song. Same. That's the name of the song. I'm feasting on a burrito. And I just can't make it down. Four years. Wow. What about her, though? You had a little thing for this one over here? No, we were, like, best friends.
You've heard it. You're the best friend. Every good-looking girl that hung out with a fat guy. I was the BFF. Big fat friend. Big fat friend. He wrote my essay to get into UCLA. Do you remember riding the bike? You're a sucker, dude. He wrote it. You're a sucker. No, but he's a good rider. Well, of course he is, but he's a sucker. I'm super smart, but he's a good rider. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, bitch. Did I really? You don't remember going over to your house and your mom, like, making us Mexican food? And you wrote it. I did? Yes. It was good. Do you still have it? To all the UCs. Do you still have it? Gosh, I would love to see that. Well, I think my dad, you know, Bob Reynolds, he keeps all this stuff. Do Bob Reynolds. Uh, Pearl? That's all I remember. No. Pearl? You gotta scoop the poop. She used to have to do, like, guy labor, like, real hard. He'd make her mow the lawn, pick up dog poo. I'm surprised she didn't make you do it for her. It's true. Because you would have. I probably would have. God, pushover, pal. Oh, that's funny. Just a pushover. Yeah. Just write an essay. Well, here was the thing. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She was very popular. She had very popular friends. Yeah, he used me.
I used her. No, I didn't. You used each other. I was popular, but I wasn't popular for being good looking. I was popular for being funny. She was, you were with, you were in the same category with Jeff Garcia for something. Like, most nice or something like that. Most likely to succeed. Was it that? Yeah. What, what, you, aren't you on there something? No, I got pretty and smile. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Colgate. Yeah. Most likely to be in a Colgate commercial. You know what they called class clown the year I did it? Yeah. It's the only year they did this. What? Most likely to be on Pee Wee's Playhouse. You. Instead of saying, you know, class clown. Yeah. Funny guy. They thought they were going to be cute. So instead of saying best smile, they said most likely it'd be in a Colgate commercial. Well, they got sponsored by the advertisers. I could do hours with her and I could interview her with her for hours. Oh, her husband. Oh, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. He's like, I've had it, pal. I don't care. No, he doesn't care. I've been with him 12 years. He's her own. Yeah, that's true. All right, Hillary's in here. Hillary's in here. Hi, guys. How you doing, Hill? I'm good. How are you? Good. My mic will go.
Thank you. I'm sharing yellow bees, Mike. There you go. You got your kiss. Oh, gosh. We're totally going to make out. What do you have coming up, Hillary? Hillary, did you ever go through a wild phase, by the way? Did you ever have a wild phase? You did? No, no, no. Honestly. Where do I begin? Hillary, seriously? Here's why I say that. Because I see you as very mature. Yes. You know, really, seriously. I think we all do. She's very mature. We all think of Hillary as very, like, you know. I knew her before she was mature. You did? Did you have a wild face? Oh my goodness gracious did I ever. I would have liked to have been there for that. Crazy was more like it. I was a terror. It was way before I knew you. You were so crazy when I first met you. What'd you do? Oh my gosh. I did a lot of stuff that it would... horrify me if my daughter ends up doing any of it. Oh, yeah. That's me and my kids. Oh, I hope not. That's me and my kids. Yeah. Sometimes they don't. I was, you know, I just, I don't know. Oh, yeah, I did that. I don't even know where to start. Did you kiss a lot of boys? I don't want to incriminate myself. Did you kiss a lot of boys? I may have. I mean, were you a slut? Oh, my gosh, Kim. Oh, holy cow. I didn't even know who you are. This is my friend. She's my friend. She's my friend from high school. No, I was not a slut. You kissed a lot of girls. Okay, were you a druggie? Oh, my God.
I'm not being inappropriate. Yes, yes, yes. I'm not going to dignify. Don't worry. She asked questions. She asked questions. I mean, no. She was not. She was not. Okay. I was a slut and a druggie. Yes. That is a true story. A sluggie. I would have been a slut if I could have, but I was just a druggie. It's funny because he's fat. All right. Thank you. So, Hill, what do you got coming up next? Oh, my gosh. I just got really uncomfortable.