The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/19/11

0:22LOB records the number of shows that we've done together. And today is our 341st show together. Wow. Isn't that cool? I still love you guys, too. Yeah. I still feel like I'm in the honeymoon. Yeah. Woodsy's hair is as crazy as it's been. I mean, it's as crazy as it's going to get. It's as long as I've ever seen your hair. It's longer than it's ever been. Yeah, it is. And you're not even using Ovation. Yeah, I am, actually. Are you really? I just started. Dude. LLB hooked me up. Yeah. That is some long hair. Longer than it's ever been. It's true. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Welcome to the program. You can give us a call, 570-1949. Woodsy's our sports guy, 36. LLB is our assistant producer, and she is 30. Jay is 48. He is our executive producer. And our phone screener is Chris. That's gross. That's gross. Word of the day. Oh, I'm sorry. Jay has a shirt on that's peeing. It's a unicorn peeing a rainbow. So rainbows, where they come from. Is that a band or is that just something? It's on you. Is it? It's cool. There you go. Word of the day, Supernatural. So when I say Supernatural between now and 10, just be.

1:47Call her nine and I'll give you a $200 gift certificate to Ali Action Sports Warehouse going on August 18th through the 21st. So you'll have 200 bucks to spend there to get yourself all kinds of cool stuff. They have gear from Volcom, DC, Burton. It's really nice. And then also, if you are caller, word of the day, caller number nine, pair of tickets to tonight's game with Woods and his wife to see the Padres. Tonight, baby. Yes, sir. It's Tony Hawk Foundation Night. And if you want tickets, go to Padres.com slash Tony Hawk. We're going to do Let's. We do a thing called Let's. We do all kinds of different stuff. So we're playing Let's at 830. And today it's Let's Play William Tell. Now, what does that mean? I had to have it explained by Mr. Stephen R. Woods. All right. Woodsy, what is that? Let's play William Tell. It's by far the dumbest thing that we've done so far for Let's. And I will be putting an apple on top of my head. Jay will be shooting at it with a BB gun. Then Jay will be putting an apple on top of his head and I will be shooting at it with a BB gun. Which is really stupid because I'm a good shot. He's a good shot. He's a bad shot. I'm going to get shot right in the face. You're putting on face gear. We're putting on face gear. It still hurt. Yeah, it still hurt. What if it hits you in the forehead?

3:16Hurt. Or the neck. 570-1949. Stupid. Give us a call. It's hurt right now, man. Weird news last night off the 125. There was a woman that was flagging people down. She was naked and she was very hurt, very injured. And passed her by, stopped, picked her up, took her to Mercy Hospital. And they're still trying to figure out what happened to this poor lady. But can you imagine, man? I mean. Off the side of the freeway, she's nude. She's obviously injured. Sad. And we don't know why. We don't know what happened to her. But it's like the top news story of the day. Also, big news story is what happened yesterday with stocks again. It's just been volatile. I mean, our economy is jacked. And it's been really volatile. And yesterday, stocks closed real low again. And it's because we're afraid of things like the... The European debt crisis, our debt crisis, the whole planet Earth economically is slowing down. There's no confidence at all. Yeah, it's tough. You know what it did do is it pushed gold to record highs. So gold is worth more than just about it's ever been. It's so funny because I remember years ago somebody saying to me, you should get stocks in gold.

4:45And it was like a fellow DJ. And I was like, you do traffic, bro. Come on. You tell people when it's backing up on the westbound, you know, 52. I'm going to take advice from you on stocks. I should have. Guy was really right. I mean, if I had invested just a couple of bucks in gold back then, nah, you'd be making a ton of dough. And it's a good time for you if you want to buy stocks. It's a good time for you because they're going down so much. And here's the thing to remember about it. It ain't hard. It's really easy. That's what I always used to think. You know me. Grown-up stuff scares me. I hear words that really freak me out because I'm like, gosh, that sounds like a word my dad would use. Equity. What is that? That sounds weird. I don't want to know. It scares me, makes me nervous, and I'm just a kid. That's something adults talk about. Mortgages, equity.

5:46lines of credit, percentage rates. That stuff freaks me out. I don't understand it. But all I'm going to tell you is it's real easy, man. If I can do it, you can do it. And when you buy these things, you put a couple of bucks on them and you just let them sit there. You have an online account or do you have a broker? Yeah. See, that's the other thing I realized. I had a guy tell me that does know what he's talking about. He said, you don't necessarily need a broker. He said, just go to fidelity.com and open a free account. And then all you got to do is you just call them and you give them your check routing number. And you tell them, all right, I don't want to put this much on there. And then what do you want to buy? I want to buy a stock in Dunkin Donuts. And they go, all right, how much you want to put on there? You go 50 bucks. And they go, all right, that'll buy you two shares. All right, cool. Now you got two shares of Dunkin Donuts.

6:48All right. Now, let's say now let's say you go. Now, let's say you go. All right. Look, you talk to your old lady. You go, look, let's take it. Let's take a side. Three K. It's a lot of money for us. But let's take three K. And let's take that dough and let's look at the stuff that we use all the time. All right. We use freaking Pampers. So you take that Pampers box and you look on there and you find out what company it is. And you call up Fidelity and you go, you know, Johnson and Johnson. Give me. How many shares? You can get seven shares. All right, give it to me. And 12 years from now, you like tripled your dough. You know, I mean, when I bought that Apple stock, it was low. Made a ton of dough off of it. What if Johnson & Johnson all of a sudden, you know, kill all these people with some kind of chemical? The stock will just go through. It'll plummet. Plummet. It'll plummet. That's the scary part. That's the risk of playing the stock market. They don't all go up. Like the stock that you recommended for me, Jay Isbell, is a turd.

7:47Honestly, what I said was the penny stock. I told you about a stock. It's a stem cell bit. It's basically, it's eye regeneration. They're working with stem cells. And it still may go somewhere because my buddies, I never got into it. I just told you what he told me. I never got in because I was like, man, that just seems too iffy. I just passed the information on to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure did. I mean, my whole family. Yeah, Woods' brother put some dough in it. Didn't do so well. Hey, listen, man, that's the stock market, though. But right now, at least it's a good time to buy because it's so low because our economy stinks. It's probably going to stink more, so maybe suede a little bit. Man, I think it's a good time to buy a house. If you can afford property right now, the interest rate is the lowest it's ever been. It's great. It's a great time. When I was a kid, my dad used to buy us stocks for Christmas. Yeah, but as a kid, you don't want stocks. And I opened it up, and it was a Disney stock. And I was like, oh, my God, it's out! Oh, wow. Seven years. You keep an eye on that. Oh, man. My grandma Woods bought us bonds, which is one that you have to wait seven years to cash. Of course, I cashed mine in after four. Paid a little penalty. Are you serious? Of course. You know me. Lauren, do you still have that stock? No, my dad cashed out all of our stocks, I guess, at the right time. And then when we graduated college, it was like, here's your stock money, you know? Rad. So.

9:16But he gave it to, you know, when I was like eight years old or something, I opened up a stock for Disney. I got a McDonald's one, a Johnson & Johnson one. See, that's the thing. I mean, right time. I say the right time is when you're going to croak. That's the right time for me. Like, when's the right time to sell my stock in Apple? I don't know, before I'm going to croak. Yeah, dude. You can't sit on it forever because you miss maybe the peak time to sell. You're not going to lose money because you bought it so low. You won't lose money. Put it this way. About three weeks ago, it was the highest it had ever been. Right. But I can't think to myself, oh, that's the highest it's ever going to go. Obviously, because Apple is still a very innovative company that's still coming out with very innovative products. Yeah. Things are in the decline a little bit. It's still high. Yeah, maybe you look at it. Yeah, maybe if something new comes out and it's like, eh, we don't care about that. Or if you need money. Like, you know, my dad was looking at us. Okay, well, you know, this is rightfully so. I bought you a stock when you were eight. This is your money. You're graduating college. You need money. Here you go. Sell it off. For me, it's fun. And one day, my hope is that I say to Rebecca, my wife, I go, we're older. And I'm like, let's go to Winnebago and go drive.

10:39Yeah. Let's go drive around and stuff. I don't know. Who knows? But anyway, stocks are a turd. That's the news. Yep. Good night. 570-1949 is the number if you want to give us a call. So, Woodsy, tell me about what is happening with the UFC and Fox. This was absolutely huge news yesterday. They have reached a deal. It's a seven-year broadcast deal. So it's Zufa LLC, which is the parent company of UFC. Right. They announced yesterday it's a seven-year deal worth, they're saying, around $100 million a year, my friend. A year. So Fox is going to air four live UFC events on its flagship channel, 32 live fights on FX, which is their cable channel, and then also supplementary taped and live programs on Fuel TV. Fox Deportes, Mikey, which you'll be watching. And it's FSMG channels, whatever those are. But it is absolutely crazy. It's going to start November 12th. Yeah, in prime time. Okay. Which is just, it's a huge deal for UFC. And if you're a UFC fan, it really, you know, you're on Fox, man. You're there with baseball. You're there with basketball. You're there with football. Now, what was your question, Woodsy? Because we started to talk about it, and then you said,

11:59Let's wait until we're on the air so I can ask you. Well, you know, I wanted to read the article a little bit more and find out. Are they still going to do, hey, it's UFC 125 pay-per-view from New Orleans. Are they still going to do that? I would think so. Why? Because it's a main event. It's a big fight. Like, okay, let's say you got Mike Tyson and, you know, who's the biggest name in boxing. I'm just thinking about what it used to be. Holyfield. Holyfield Tyson. All right. Well, you're not going to see Holyfield and Tyson fighting on Fox. You saw him on HBO. You did see him on HBO, but it was a deal that they made with HBO to carry that fight. And you had to have HBO, blah, blah, blah. Right, right, right. But those were pay-per-views too, dude. I remember getting pay-per-view. In fact, I remember Tyson Holyfield when he bit his ear off. Yeah. That was pay-per-view. I thought it was HBO, but maybe I was wrong. No, those big, huge mungoid fights. Well, you know, the thing is, imagine having to. You didn't just have HBO and get to see the biggest fight of the year. Imagine going to having to pay pay-per-view to watch. Pay-per-view to me just seems a little bit. It's build up. It's build up. I get it. You don't get to see the gigantoids. Like, dude, somebody call me and correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe because I believe.

13:15The big fights were always pay-per-view. The big, like the, yeah, bro, championship, like the belt. I don't think so, man. I thought they were always, I thought they were on HBO. Well, there was always fights on HBO. No, no, I thought the big ones were on HBO. But anyway, with this. Let's find out because that's the key. And I don't think that that will be the deal. I don't think that you're going to see Tito Ortiz versus, you know, the biggest name in light heavyweight on Fox. You're going to, you know, you might see. Tito fights some other guy to get to the point where the two of them are going to meet. Well, happy birthday, UFC. I mean, you're making $700 million off this deal, and you're still charging for frigging pay-per-view. What if I had to pay to watch the World Series? I'd do it, but I'd lose my mind. I'm surprised. I think the only reason that you don't is because pay-per-view wasn't a, you know, they've been doing the World Series and the Super Bowl forever. I don't know. Wouldn't surprise me if one day. I mean, can you imagine if the NFL, they want to make some dough? Dude, forget it. You'd pay $25 to watch the Super Bowl? I'm not going to pay it. I guess I would, but I'd be freaking pissed off. I know that. Oh, yeah, I would, too. I'd be pissed off, man. Yeah, me, too. I would, too. But I guess if they establish that, you know, hey, this is the culture of UFC. We're going to do pay-per-view events. But I think the deal with fights is you can't really have commercials and stuff like that. So isn't that why you have to have it on that paid programming? I mean.

14:40No, because you can run. I guess in between fights. Right. M1HB from RB. Hi. They have free fights on Versus all the time. Yeah. I get it. You can watch free fights on the internet, but I'm talking about the good stuff. I'm talking about the good fights, the big ones. Yeah. Like on Sunday, it was big names, but they were like Dan Hardy. He had been losing. He had lost like four in a row. So he was fighting to kind of keep his contract at this point. Right. So he's still kind of a draw, but he's not a big enough draw to draw me paying, you know, $65 to watch the game or watch the fight. Okay, Mike, so, you know, what if you had to watch – Thanks, HP. What if the Bengals and the Browns were playing and you had to – you know, that one was free, but if you wanted to see Pat's Jets, you had to pay. I'd be pissed. That's not it, though. I'd be really pissed. I mean, see, these are – the reason that you can't compare them – is because you're talking about a season leading up to a playoff system. And in the UFC, it doesn't work that way. It isn't a playoff system. But a career leading up to a title fight. No, because those guys will fight occasionally for that title. In other words, Tyson's got a title. He's not going to fight again until he's willing.

15:58to relinquish the title. Now, guys that are great in that division, they're fighting other dudes that are great in that division to build up to a fight with Tyson, which is a moneymaker. And check this out. M1 Troy from El Cajon has the answer to it. Go ahead, Troy. Hey, yeah. All those fights, they were like HBO Sports, but they were... Like Don King promotions, they were definitely pay-per-view. That's not right, and I know why it's not right, and I'll tell you exactly why. I watched Mike Tyson knock out Buster Douglas, or Buster Douglas knock out Mike Tyson on HBO. I was 12. My dad ain't getting pay-per-view, and he would not pay 50 bucks for that fight. The reason is probably because it wasn't one of those big draw fights. The one fight a year. Yes. Now, I will say this. I remember throwing in dough for Tyson versus Holyfield where he bit his ear off. And it was HBO Sports. And you had Jim Lampley. Yeah. You had all of those. So it looked like HBO. But I think it was called HBO Pay-Per-View. Okay. And, you know, those were the big deals, you know. Those were the big ones. Thank you, Troy. I appreciate it. M1 Herald, who's also into it, from San Marcos.

17:19What do you know? Yeah, every single fight like that, the Holyfield, the Mike Tyson, all those definitely 100% were pay-per-view. I know what Steve's talking about when he was watching the Mike Tyson free ones was because Mike Tyson was knocking dudes out in first rounds and nobody wanted to pay for that. So they started to show some of Mike Tyson's title fights for free. Well, don't you think if you're, you know, you guys are huge UFC fans. Don't you think if you're going to really legitimize your sport and be, you know, one of the, now you'd be one of the big four, the big five, right? Wouldn't you, now that you have the $700 million deal, wouldn't you think that it would kind of move away and move towards network? You know, wouldn't you want to see Sunday night fights with Lyoto Machida against, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's. Wouldn't you want that? Wouldn't that be kind of cooler? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, but essentially, this is primetime fighting for UFC. Right. And one of the things that I heard Jim Rome say one time was that he was talking about how the UFC has now dwarfed boxing in terms of popularity. Absolutely. And he was talking about, well, why? What is it that has done this? Well, it's twofold. One is Dana White.

18:37has legitimized the sport by making it less of a blood sport and making it more into divisions and weight divisions and much stricter rules and doing that to it. And the other thing that they've done is, he said... You remember the days where boxing used to be on ABC Sports and then it stopped. Yeah. You know, and people were able to know these characters, these these fighters. You knew them because they were in your living room every weekend. And then it went away. Now, if I told you to name. The top five contenders in the heavyweight division of boxing, you couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. No way. There's no way in the world. No chance. And you used to be able to do it. And the reason that you could is because they were on television all the time. Yeah. But anyway, if you're tuning in late. It's a huge deal. Yeah, he's talking about how the UFC has just announced a deal with Fox. And it's a big, big thing. Huge, huge thing for them.

19:31Kudos to those guys. Hey, if you've never heard of the West Memphis Three, there's documentary movies on the West Memphis Three. I've talked about them before. The documentary movies are absolutely riveting movies. Some of the most compelling films I've ever seen. Well, the films sort of drew the attention of some celebrities. Eddie Vedder, Johnny Depp. A lot of people really felt that these guys were innocent. the Robin Hood Hills murders that were also HBO movies, those movies really got a lot of people into trying to help these three men that were convicted of killing these boys back in 1993. And if you've never seen the movies and you don't know who these kids are, it happened in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and they were convicted because of the way that they looked and the music that they listened to. And right now... They're saying that a source close to this case says that these guys may finally be freed. And it may happen today. Love it. It's amazing. It may even happen today. Damien Echols, Jesse Miskelley, and Jason Baldwin. They were all kids themselves when they were convicted of murder. And if you've never seen these films, I would suggest them because they are truly spellbinding. Yeah. Just absolutely spellbinding.

20:58documentaries, and they made a lot of big news, and they're making big news again, and I would suggest checking it out. They may be freed, is the story. The places that you get your groceries from, are they going on strike? Again. We got some new developments in that, and guess what? Kat Von D and Jesse James, they're engaged again, so I'll tell you about that. Oh my God, it's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. And now Kia presents Surprising But True. Did you know that on average a person blinks more than 17,000 times a day? Did you know that it's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open? Well, check this out.

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29:56The Chevy model year wrap-ups here get in on their greatest model year yet. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Supernatural, so when you hear me say that, caller number nine, you get a $200 gift certificate to spend at the Ali Action Sports warehouse sale that's going on the 18th through the 21st. They're going to have a lot of great stuff out there that you can get, so get ready for that. Also, you will also win tickets to go with Woods.

31:08tonight to the Padres game and hang out with Woodsy, his wife, some other M1s. It's Tony Hawk Foundation night and it's going to be a fun night out there. And so you got to check it out. Yeah. Before we went to break, I said that Kat Von D and Jesse James, who broke up, are not only back together, but apparently engaged. And Jesse James said, sometimes you're only given one chance in life and... It's up to me to open my eyes and see it and that that girl's my chance. And I'm never going to stop fighting and striving to hold on to her and showing her how special she is and how much I love her. So that's, she's my para siempre. What does that mean, Jesse? Forever in Spanish. Do you think it's fair, Jesse, that you get to breed? Well. I think it's fair because, you know, if I choose not to wear a condom, that's my right. Right. I'll freaking fight you, dude. Well, you'd kill me. My only chance would be with a 38 special against you, and I get that. You're a tough dude. I get it. But you're also kind of a clown. Kind of? I'm not even close to being a clown. Have you ever even ridden an off-road vehicle? Yeah, of course. Shut up, dude. I have several times. When?

32:36Several times. My brother-in-law has four-wheelers. I've ridden motorcycles. You ever ridden a BMX bike in an empty swimming pool? No. Shut up, dude. Freaking pansy. Fair enough. I like beating people up, especially dorks and people that aren't as big as I am. It's pretty rad. This one time I took this fag and shoved his head into it. Did I say something wrong? Sorry, dude. I can't say slammed or what, dude. No, I wouldn't say the F word. Why are you wearing an SS hat, too? That's a little weird. It's not an SS hat, bro. What is it? It used to be a kiss hat, but the K and the I are gone. So you were in the Kiss Army? Yeah, I was in the Kiss Army, bro. You know, I was too, but they never sent me a leather hat. Well, I had it custom made, dude. I do custom stuff, bro. Shut up. Jesse James. I saw him on that show that he had, and I really enjoyed it. West Coast Choppers? No, no, no, no. No, it was called Jesse James Defies Death or something like that. I can't remember, but it was all these.

33:54stunts you know he would do stunts and i really enjoyed watching it because it was some pretty sensational stunts that he would do until i saw this episode where he was driving through kind of a minefield and a big four by four and they were and it was blowing up and stuff and you could see him getting rocked in it good and um and it was pretty cool but he lost me when they're interviewing him inside the truck afterwards and he's like I was getting jostled around in there and I was like, whoa, man. It felt like when I was in high school and I used to go up to the dorks and be like, just like elbow them. It like felt like that. And I was like, you're a douchebag. What a dick. You're a douchebag. That's terrible. It's everything be different is like that. I remember that was like the beginnings, the little tiny. Inklings. Little inklings that I was starting to get that I was like. We got to go from a mean culture to a cool culture to just a nicer culture because that's BS. What was the big stink, by the way, in San Diego? We still don't know. All we know is that the San Diego Fire and Rescue Department was out there looking all over the place. Delmar Heights, University City, Scripps Ranch because it stunk. And they didn't know what it was, man. It smelled like jet fuel, hot glue, bus exhaust, paint thinner. People were saying all these different things of what it smelled like. And by the way.

35:15By 5.30 in the afternoon, day before yesterday, it had reached Hamul. People were like... So it started on the coast, 2 o'clock in the afternoon. By 5.30, people in Hamul were like, what stinks? It scares me. All the local companies were just like, and that's not me. That's all they can conclude. Not me. It's not us. Does it creep anybody? Because I'll tell you what. I am the opposite of the... conspiracy theory guy. Me too. Jay is big time conspiracy. Yeah. So, when I first heard about it, I'm like, for sure, Jay thinks that a couple of years from now we're going to see a Dateline NBC of, well, what they thought initially was just a strange smell that everyone was smelling in the area. It was simply nothing. Well, some said, well, that's the stuff of fantasy. In fact, it can't be real. Or could it? You see, upon investigation of some of the trains that went through the area, some people were reporting that there were some strange sounds going on in San Diego. Strange smells, too. One woman even said she grew a third nipple on her head. Strange, you say? A woman can't grow a third nipple on her head. Nor can she.

36:52Story I read. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The story I read was that the Earth was releasing a gas right before a big earthquake. Uh-oh. Oh, great. Well, yes, you see. Great. The Earth has to fart before something big happens. That's it. And another story I read, it was just the power of suggestion. There was no smell at all. People were calling separately. Yes, that's because of... Or were they? Or were they? That's because of social networking, L.O.B. You see, one person put the thought out there that something stunk, and then before you knew it, well, everyone was smelling it, weren't they? No. Or were they? Great, Jay. There's going to be an earthquake. Or is there? I believe it. The earth... Or do you? Well, as it turned out, it was one politician. devised a plan to get the Chargers stadium approved. And the way that he was going to do it was to scare the citizens of San Diego into thinking that some sort of terrible thing was going to happen unless we built a stadium for the Chargers. He some said. Was it? Kind of freaks me out. Yeah, for sure. Jay just really freaked me out. Oh, Jay with his conspiracy theories. Hey, it could be real. Uh, let's see. So, speaking of

38:35See, sometimes my opinion, just my opinion, because what this guy is going to say is going to be kind of funny and everything. Sometimes I think it's okay to just shut up. My opinion, you tell me, though. Welcome back. Let's find out if we've got anything wrong so far. For that, we go to TV's Andy Levy. Hey, Andy. Hey, Greg. Before we begin, I want to take a minute to talk about something that happened Tuesday night. Around 8 o'clock here on the East Coast, R&B singer Chris Brown tweeted, no more planking for me unless it's on a sexy lady, LOL. So I saw this tweet, and I retweeted it, adding, you spelled punching wrong. Obviously, it represents the fact that Brown was arrested in 2009 for assaulting his then-girlfriend, Rihanna. But now, in the light of day, I'd like to apologize to Chris Brown and to his fans, who are known as Team Breezy.

39:25To Mr. Brown, I apologize for referencing the fact that you beat the crap out of Rihanna. It was disrespectful of me to draw attention to the fact that you put your girlfriend in the hospital. And further, it was not my place to make people remember that you beat a woman with your fists, leaving her with multiple facial contusions, a bloody nose, and a split lip. I know that now. I also appreciate the fact that you tweeted me, letting me know that children conduct themselves better than I do. You are correct, and I can only hope to one day mature to the point where I can conduct myself in a more adult manner, possibly by throwing a chair out of a window and storming out of a building with my shirt off. I ask only for your patience. To Team Breezy, I would like to also say that I'm sorry, and thank you for your thousands of tweets, which taught me a lot about the creative possibilities of spelling, grammar, and syntax. Possibilities I never even imagined before last night. In particular, I'd like to thank the female members of Team Breezy who have taught me that as long as you can sing, you can beat the living hell out of a woman and other women will still love you. And lastly, I apologize to everyone for using Twitter to subtly address the fact that I think it's disgusting that a guy who put his girlfriend in the hospital can, a mere two years later, be warmly welcomed back into society and appear on shows such as Saturday Night Live as if everything he did magically never happened. It won't happen again. Well, that's cool. Bam!

40:42Bravo. Now, and I get it. I mean, as I listened to it, I thought, that's very clever. I mean, the way that he put it all is really, really clever. I agree. The only thing that I thought about it was, he's not saying anything that's groundbreaking. You know, we all know, when I would have read the planking thing by Chris Brown, I would have thought it was stupid. By the way, why are you following Chris Brown, dum-dum? Because you're the one following him. OK, because I don't follow Chris Brown. I'm really not curious what he's up to or his breezies. And so when he tweeted that he was planking and blah, blah, blah. And the guy wrote his funny thing back about punching. Nobody thinks that punching a girl is cool. I don't think anybody thinks punching a girl is cool. So that to me, the definition of grandstanding is look at me. Look at me. So. This guy, Andy Levy, is basically saying, look, I'm going to take a shot at Chris Brown because it's easy as hell. I mean, after all, he's a wife abuser. It's on the T. Girl abuser. It's on the T. So I'm going to. Now, what I hope he considers at some point is that if that dude ever punches a woman, he's going to look like a numero uno douchebag. Now, that goes for everybody that takes shots about something.

42:09You know what I mean? I mean, I'm big on divorce and I'm really against divorce. If I ever announce one day, I ever come in here and I go, hey, listen, things just aren't working out with me and Rebecca. And I don't know what to say. You know, it's just not working out. And we've decided that we're going to go our separate ways. And then about three months later, I go, hey, listen, I'll tell you, I've been going through some rough times, but I met this girl and it's really making me happy. People deservedly. would say, you, my friend, are a hypocritic douchebag. And so all I'm saying about Andy Levy is that Andy Levy better have the cleanest record there is. Andy Levy better keep his nose clean, as clean as can be, because what he's decided is, I'm going to take a cheap shot, really for no freaking reason. I have no freaking reason to do it. It's funny.

43:11Yeah, he's being funny. That's a good enough reason for me. Yeah. I can go, I guess I can go with the thinking. The only time that I think that it comes into question is when it's directed at us and we're looking for a second chance. See, because I do believe that people deserve chances. In fact, I cheer for the chances, you know, and I'm not down. I don't want to attack someone personally. I don't know that attacking somebody personally gets us anywhere. And I just don't. And listen, I want you to call me out on it. I mean, if I do it, I need to hear it so I can stop it. Oh, boy. No, no, no. You're inviting. What you're doing is you're inviting because it happens all the time anyway. I don't want to do it. I don't want, you know that. I don't want to do it. No, I get it. But you got to remember, at the end of the day, you're also a comedian. Somebody could call you and go, dude, you just made fun of Jesse James. And like, what are you, you're inviting the be different police basically to come knocking on your door. Okay. And here's the deal. And it's like, well, what the hell are we supposed to talk about? We're trying to be funny. Well, wait a minute. The only things that we talk about are not just making fun of people. Well, no. And, and, and, you know, I think, I think people take things too seriously. You know what I mean?

44:33Chris Brown's got to know when you do something like that, you're going to take heat for it. Like if I went out tonight, got drunk and got in trouble, I'm going to get in trouble for that. And people are going to filet me for that. And I got to know that's part of the consequences. And you guys can make fun of it. You know what I mean? And here's my answer to that. My answer to it is you're 100% right. It's a consequence of action. My belief is once you say, I'm sorry, and you don't do it anymore. You've got to be good to go, man. But he's done other stuff. His outrage in the dressing room, break and stuff. He's king clown. He should just lay low. I agree. I don't disagree. Listen, I don't disagree that he's king clown. I don't disagree that he's douchebag. I guess what I disagree with is, hey, listen, if somebody shows themselves to be a douchebag, we can start peeing on them and taking shots.

45:28pop pop pop we can do you know what their free game and really the truth is is that and here's me talking and if that's my style really the truth is i have to put up with enough s in my life anyway it kind of feels good to kick the s out of somebody every once in a while and so if i get to kick the s out of somebody it's you know it's kind of shut up that's what i say to that shut up i'm telling you man more often than not Now I'm looking at how do we grow boys into freaking men? How do we grow boys into men? What does it mean to be a man today? What does it mean to be a man today? Maybe part of what it means to be a man today is shutting the hell up. Part of being a man today is shutting your freaking mouth. Because I can destroy a lot of people with mine. I know how to do it. I'm really good at it. But I think it works better to just shut up. I'll tell you what, man. One of the hardest things that I've ever had to do is keep my mouth shut about events in my life the last two years. It is the hardest thing for me to do. I want to scream from the rooftops. In fact, it's gotten to me sometimes so bad that I freaking cry and I say, how come I can't say it? I mean, it kills me. It freaking kills me. But I'll tell you why. Because it takes more control.

46:54to not do that. It takes more control. And in the end, in the very end, in the final analysis, I think that we become more manly, that we're better men when we just shut up. He's a douchebag. We all know it. He's a douchebag. But what's the point? We're going to tee off because we want to get our rocks off? You know, I don't know what that guy's... gig is i don't know if is he on the news like what's his bit who what does he do he works for fox news he's not a comedian he works for fox news and by the way i'm down with what lob's saying i am down with what lob's saying in fact recently um we were going to talk about this adam carolla he got his butt kicked because the guy's got a podcast right dude doesn't even do a radio show he's got a podcast and he's saying when did we start giving an s About transgendered. When the F did that happen? Now, what do I think about it? I think it's a douchey thing to say. However, he's got a right to say it. And context. The dude's a comedian. He doesn't work for Fox News. That guy does. Adam Levy does. He works for Fox News. I don't want to hear the president doing it either. I don't want to hear the president. See, I still have that old-fashioned notion that comedians get to be comedians.

48:18We live in the United States. You can say whatever you want. L.O.B.'s a comic, man. If she makes a comment, you've got to keep in mind, she's a comic. But Fox News is comedy to me. So it's kind of like, it's within the realm. Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why. I mean, with Twitter, you get 160 characters. You're not there doing a dissertation. It's meant to be. interesting little quips or funny little quips or, you know what I mean? I do it all the time. I see people take shots at Chris Brown all the time along that same line. And I get it. I don't care. This is why it bothers me. Because it's now, and I've said this before, now it's to the point where I can't watch a football game with my little kid because some scary-ass commercial comes on TV that, I mean, it freaks me out. I'm 41 years old. I'm having nightmares. I'm just trying to watch a freaking ball game with my kid. Come on, man. Come on. I want to take that clip from the NFL deal that starts before the games with Keyshawn Johnson, all those dudes where they go, come on, man. Yeah, it's a segment they do. Come on, man. Come on, man. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to watch a game with my kid. I don't want to see some dumbass vampire performing an exorcism. Come on, man.

49:39nightmares over a vampire making love and performing an exorcism. Come on, man. 570-1949 is the number if you have an opinion on it. By the way, did you hear about the chick that was able to beat assault charges because of a tattoo on her butt? 570-1949 is our number. I have one of the most hilarious emails about Dungeons & Dragons. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. You've got to go. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. You guys care about the rules? More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. Got to tell you about AT&T because of what they're doing for you.

51:00Go phone. Oh, is this great? I'm talking about that. Say you're in a situation where in your past you've made some mistakes in terms of your credit. Now you want to get a phone and it's real tough for you. I understand that there's consequences. We just talked about that. But what about this? How about you go to AT&T? You pay 50 bucks a month. You're paying for what you're getting. You pay the 50 bucks a month. You don't have to go through a credit check. You don't have to go through an annual contract. All you do is get that phone. Talk, text, web, 50 bucks a month. Boom. It's that easy. GoPhone Unlimited. Unlimited talks, unlimited text, web, 50 bucks a month on the nationwide network. On the nationwide network, you can trust. It's AT&T. You want to check it out? Again, no annual contract, no credit check. Go into one of the stores or call 1-800-GO-PHONE or go to att.com slash GOPHONE. Eligible device and minimum account balance required. Data package required for smartphones. Coverage not available everywhere. Other restrictions and conditions apply. See store for details. I call this one best girlfriend ever. It had been a long day and an even longer week. So I headed toward the kitchen. Refreshment I did seek. But after swinging open the fridge, I saw the most horrific sight. Not a single cold beverage. Not a single Coors Light. Perhaps behind the milk or the dill pickle spears.

52:24but there was still no Coors Light, no ice-cold beers. I grabbed my keys. It was time to hit the store, but stopped when I heard a knock-knock at the door. It was my girlfriend, bearing gifts of Coors Light. Best girlfriend ever? You got that right. Thank you, and I love you, Aaron. Frost-brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Great beer comes great responsibility. This Saturday, August 20th, the tastiest food on wheels descends on Telmar. It's the first annual gourmet food truck festival. From noon to 6, 40 of Southern California's top gourmet food truck chefs will be serving up a treasure trove of delicious food and eclectic eats. Free admission to the food truck area with racetrack admission. It all happens this Saturday. It's the end of the model year, and Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now. Get the bottom line with 0% APR financing on Altima. Or get $1,500 cash back on Sentra. Get bottom line prices like 0% on the reliable Altima. Or $1,500 back on the Rumi Sentra. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars. Great offers.

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57:49Is Conan. I want your head. In 3D. I will follow you to hell. Not admitted without parent or guardian. Now playing everywhere. How do you turn groceries into free groceries? You get Albertson's new preferred rewards card. Just scan your car to check out every time you shop and earn reward points for free groceries. 10 points for every dollar you spend. It's easy. So get your Albertson's preferred rewards card today and make grocery shopping more rewarding. See store for details. This report is brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Wawanisa Insurance, better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage for your auto, home, or your condo. Call 877-Wawanisa or go to wawanisaus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. Well, it looks like as you travel on the 5 southbound after the rest area, there is an accident over on the right shoulder. 56 eastbound between Carmel Valley Road and the 15, traffic's starting to build, and you got some slowing over here on the 5 northbound between Claremont Drive and the 52. This report also brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance.

58:50Buy your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota Owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer, has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Make an appointment with our experts. See your dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego, the good financial media station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. At worst, um, nobody want to go with me. Lauren. I'm a control freak. If I watch other people do things that I'd rather do, I'm like... Woods. I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. Hewlett Packard says, yeah, we're not going to do computers anymore. That's sad, huh? We're also not going to do that touch pad. Sorry about that. It's a bad idea. We're just getting out of the game. Call it a day. Also, there's going to be a 35... invention called Enough Already that you hook up to your TV and it will automatically censor celebrity names that you put in there. So if you don't want to hear about Kim Kardashian, you put it in there. It's genius. And it won't. The only problem with it is that you have to do a little work to get it to work. You got to be comfortable with some programming code and transferring the code to the device.

1:00:19You've got to split the video output from your TV, and then that's got to run from the TV to the device. But, hey, man, if you're willing to do that, you won't have to hear Kim Kardashian's name anymore, which would be really cool. Pretty awesome, man, if you think about it. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the Padres got a win last night. Tim Stauffer got through seven innings, and they beat the Marlins 3-1. And if you – I don't know if anybody else watched the game last night between – The Philadelphia Dream Team. What happened? And the Pittsburgh Steelers. What happened? Well, the Dream Team got smoked. Mike Vick threw three picks. He played well into the second half and had kind of a dumb move, I thought, on his part. He throws a pick to Paul Amalu. Paul Amalu's running out of the field, and Vick tries to take him out. Actually tackles him, but very risky play for a preseason game. He didn't hurt himself, did he? No, neither of them did. And I'm just joking around. Everybody's entitled to a bad night. But he didn't have his best. They're supposed to go to the Super Bowl. Well, here's the deal. I was talking to my good friend, Bark Malman, last night about the Eagles, and they had signed Vince Young to be their backup. Much maligned Vince Young, right? Yeah. So Vince Young walks into camp, and it's his first day in camp, and he goes, man, this is like the dream team. Right. Well, so what does the media do? They take dream team, and they're like, oh, so you guys are now the dream team. You're the new dream team.

1:01:38And all the Eagles are like, if they call a stream team, one more freaking time, we're going to kill somebody. And so Vince Young, backup quarterback, they're like, you idiot, dude. Well, they have a lot of big names on the team. They do. They do. They got three cornerbacks that are potential pro bowlers. Absolutely. And they've got Mike Vick, and they got LaShawn McCoy, and they got all these weapons. But, you know, it's... It's like the Heat, man. It's got to translate to the wins. I watched the game last night, and Nwande Asamoah. Nwande Asamoah. Asamoah. He's so good. And like you said, they've got a bunch of good guys on the team right now. But their defensive coordinator, did you see that story? Uh-huh. Their defensive coordinator was last year's offensive line coach. Right. Now, he's got a history in defense. So, you know, he convinced Andy Reid, hey, if there's ever like a chance, give me a shot. Andy Reid was like, all right. So he did. Dude's now defensive coordinator. Yeah. Of an all pro defense, you know, on paper. Yeah. If you can't do something with that defense, then you have no business coaching. Yeah. You may want to start a little smaller, buddy. A lot of pressure. Yeah. You don't step into your first gig managing, you know, something like that. But good luck.

1:03:01There is a grocery store union. You know that if you live in San Diego because we went through this whole thing where they were going to go on strike. And I can't remember if they actually did or what the deal was. But Ralphs, Fonz, Albertsons, they have a union. And they want better health benefits. And Ralphs, Fonz, and Albertsons says, we think what we're offering is real good. Great. And so there might be a strike. Oh, boy. Now, how does that trickle down and what does it mean? I don't know. You don't remember that? I remember when it was all going on, but what I don't remember is, I don't remember what effect it had. Like, were we not able to buy spam? No, you were able to. First of all, there was people outside, so you had to cross the picket line yourself. My brother-in-law was a scab, so he worked at Vons and crossed the picket line. He made a lot of money, but they would randomly be out of stuff. It was like a nightmare in line getting things. It was like you were accosted every time you went to the grocery store. Which is ridiculous. Like, listen, if you work for the grocery stores, I understand. I totally get your plight.

1:04:04I understand your plight, and I think that you have a right to picket, and you have a right to be outraged. Now, we as citizens have a right to be annoyed, and they're really annoyed. Listen, what am I supposed to do? Wipe with bamboo leaves? I need Charmin, bro. I got to get Charmin. Hey, you can get it, but you're going to take some heat walking in, pal, all right? Don't shop here. I have to. I need Charmin, bro. You're a disgrace, sir. I'm sorry. I've got to wipe. You're a disgrace. I'm not. I'm a human. I've got to wipe. My butt is itchy. My butt. I've got to wipe. I don't know what you want me to do. I'm chafing. Fight for our rights. I want to, but I also want to wipe. You're selfish, sir. I need to wipe. How do you wipe? Think about my butt. I wonder what they do. Where are they shopping? They've got to shop, too. We all got to shop. They shop in disguise. Full on disguise. You know what I want to... What are you, foraging? Yeah, seriously. You hunting and gathering? Go to Costco. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's what I'll do. I'll do it too. More money out of your pocket to get a membership. Hey, how about this? Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Jay, you be the grocery store worker. Sir, what do you want me to do? I want you to shop at Costco. But sir, I don't need 18 boxes of toilet paper. I just want six rolls. Yeah, you do, sir. Clearly you do.

1:05:29Clearly. I don't want to get 550 things of vitamins. I just want one month's supply of vitamins. No, no. You'll get a barrel and like it. I don't want a barrel. You need a 55-gallon drum of vitamins. Oh, my gosh. When they striked before, I was literally eating Top Ramen and frozen dinner, so I couldn't afford Costco. I'm going to freak out if I got to get out of my car and go... All right, let's go. Because I do most of the shopping in my house. I'm dead. I'm going to get killed. Lauren was talking about it. She put it in her recap last week about how absolutely uncomfortable it is to be accosted by the people that when you're walking into the grocery stores that want you to sign stuff and you do the thing where you pretend that you're on your phone or you say no thank you or whatever. I say sorry. Sorry. I'm not sorry, though. I go, Billy, what's up, dude? Yeah, it's me. Yeah, just doing some shopping. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's perfect. It's the perfect place to live. And then as I get away, I'm like, I'll just put my phone down. I'm a liar. Fine, whatever. I just tell them no thank you. I say no thank you. No thank you. I feel like a D if I do that. I'd rather just lie. I don't know them. I am not made for that job. I feel like a D. Oh, man, would I feel like I'm imposing on you. Can't do it. You know why? Because you are. You are imposing. And you know you are. You know it. That's the thing is they know they are. Yeah, you know it.

1:06:54It's like, why are bill collectors jerks? They don't have to be jerks. They enjoy it. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I think I know the answer to this. I think they get paid per what they can collect. Well, I think, too, after dealing with people for so long, you've heard all the excuses. You're like, look, I know what you're saying. I don't believe you. I just want you to pay your bill. They're paid assassins. Well, sometimes you're working on like... I know certain companies will do this. If you don't meet a quota, you're out and a new guy's in. You can ask yourself this question as you're driving. If you fill a prescription, do you have a company that calls you that tries to get you to join up with them? Because our insurance, every time we fill a prescription, somehow, some generic company knows it. And they call, and they're a generic pharmaceutical company. And it goes, our caller ID talks. And it goes, Medco, New Jersey. Medco, New Jersey. Hello? Hello? Hello? Is Esparza there? Yes. What did you say? You were cut off halfway through. I said, is Mr. Esparza there, please? This is he.

1:08:29Yes, sir. We saw that you recently refilled a prescription for Nexium. Did you know that you could be getting Nexium at a reduced rate through Medco? Yes, ma'am. Can I be taken off of this list of the calling here? No, I can't take you off the list, but I can give you a number to call. Okay, I just want to understand this correctly. What you're saying is, is that this phone call that I did not invite. is now having me do something, and I have to do that in order to get it to stop? That's correct, sir. So I call that number, and I wait, and I go through this whole process. I was sitting in my underwear, Indian style, in our bedroom. Shut up. Minus the underwear. No, I was in my underwear. I remember because Ryan opened the door, and there was Nita. Wow. Ryan did not do this.

1:09:37Brian, please don't do that. Please. I'm going to do this again. Please don't do this again so I don't have to see this. Most humiliating sound effect. Yes. Oh, my gosh. No, this is not good. No. Uh-oh. Nuh-uh. This is a prison sentence. I need to gouge out my eyes. I want to go home. Oh, bleach for eyes, please. Oh. Is this the 911? Hello, 911. Hi, I was just looked at something very ugly. Who is this? My name is Nita. Okay. What did you see? A Mexican short man. I'm sorry. I'm very upset. Were you assaulted or accosted, ma'am? It was my eyeball. Your eyeball accosted you? Yes. No, I saw him and he was wearing gray panty. You saw a transsexual?

1:10:49Were you a costed man? No, he is man, but very big. Brown, bald, sitting Indian style on telephone. Okay, what's the crime? I just told you. So I call Medco. Now you're on the clock. What's that? Now you're on the clock. Now you're working. Now I'm working. I punch in, I call Medco. And the Medco people say, Are you sure that you don't want to sign up for this, sir? Because it really could save you 25% on a lot of... It's okay. It's all right. I just want to be taken off. No problem, sir. We'll take you off right away. May I offer you a discount on... No, no, no, no, no. In fact, in fact, in fact, I just want to let you know now, any question that you might possibly have for any discount at all...

1:11:48I want to categorically say no to right now so that if there's any more questions that have to do with me getting any discount of any kind, you can go ahead and put no. Any product. Decline all. Yes, sir. Thank you. That's okay. I got it. I understand. May I also offer you for free? This is free. No, no, no. I forgot to say that. Even if it's free. I don't want it. Sir, what if Michael Jackson came back to life as an Egyptian and came to your house and gave it to you in a box? No, thank you. You had to think about that one. I would take that one. Please, no. Please. I'm begging. You've got a family, don't you? Please don't call again. Please. I go to bed at 6 o'clock. Please leave me alone. I'm begging you.

1:12:48Was it the same lady who answered the phone that you just got an offer? Yeah, yeah. Same lady. Hello. Sir, I told you. Oh, it was so bad. I got a new song about Jay. Oh, yes. You want to hear it? Yeah, of course. Well, Jay flubs words every once in a while. Does he? And so he came up with this. Let's flub again. I just can't wait for Jay to flub again. Bye. Bye.

1:13:56True. Happy Mill. I don't hear a problem with that. Now, some people may be wondering, well, Mike, what do you mean? 70s, Tim Conway, Don Nuck's flick. I mean that. Whatever you think you know about this man is a reverent. I mean that. Pretty close. Hopefully she gets put in the genual populace. Okay, that one. Genual. That one you have to admit. That one you have to admit. Genual. Yes. And then there was the other day when he was talking about four-time Super Bowl winner Joe Montana. Joe Montana. So, as you can see, you know.

1:15:05Oh, those are my crowning moments. There are some things. I get to isolate. You get to isolate. I'll get an email out of nowhere, and it'll be from LLB, and I'll go, ah! And I'll just sit and listen to it. The day that I got the clip for the irreverent, 150 times. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. My wife and I were crying listening to that on the couch over and over and over. Jay's wife loves it. Oh, yeah, for sure. Let's see. So a 21-year-old woman named Lauren was charged with, and this happened in England, she was charged with beating up this woman. Now, they thought that it was a hate crime at first, right? So they're saying it's a hate crime. The defendant's a lesbian, and she claims that this woman, Lauren, called her and her partner a gay slur. punched her in the face, stomped on her while this woman Lauren says that's not true. Not only is it not true, but they're the ones that picked the fight with me and they threw a punch at me and I was only acting in self-defense. So it was one person's word against another. But then there was a bombshell piece of evidence in Lauren's pants. See, Lauren had not only

1:16:27Not had anything against gay people, but she'd been in a gay relationship herself back in 2008 and gone with her lady friend to Spain and while there got a tattoo on her right buttocks showing her support for gay rights. It was a rainbow tattoo. Now, think about that. Was it a rainbow or was it a gay rainbow tattoo? Yeah, exactly. Maybe she just liked rainbows. Could be. Or maybe it was the gay rainbow. Jay has a rainbow in his shirt right now. That's right. That's a true story. Now, it was enough to get a little bit of doubt in that jury's mind to let her go. Yeah. Good for her. You got to ask yourself. Yeah. Was she really gay or was it just a rainbow tantrum?

1:17:22Don't know. We'll never know. Why didn't she say that right away to the police? I know, right? Look. The police don't care. They're not building evidence. You know what I mean? In that case, they just arrest her, let it sort out in court. Maybe make her prove it. She did. She showed the jury her butt. She showed the jury. Oh, he's saying make her make out with a chick. Yeah. That's what he's trying to get out there. I think I did. Speaking of Jay. I haven't seen it. I'm the only one. I'm the only one. What is it? He is a clown. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. It's about you. Now, listen. Hang on. If you didn't know, a little background. Jay and Woods. Jay's our producer. Woods is my sidekick here sitting directly across from me. Friend of mine for 10 years. Jay and Woods were on Wipeout recently together. It was an employee and boss episode of Wipeout. And they were on there.

1:18:32Strap yourself in. Me? Yes. Well, everybody. Not just you. Everyone. Everyone. Strap yourself in. I shook my head several times. Oh, I took these recaps into the restroom and my jaw dropped open reading it. Jay says. So, yesterday I was checking out at Home Depot when the cashier looked at my ID and said, didn't I see you on Wapow? Horses. It's horse ass. She's lying. No. She looked at my ID, and she can tell a good-looking guy, a celebrity, that she has seen on, a famous person on television. Boom. Oh, gosh. Aren't you television star of ABC's Wipeout? Jason R. Isbell. He asked me what radio station I work for. And then he asked me what was up with my partner. Oh, for God's sakes. Ha! I told him I was going to try to get on next season.

1:19:41And he asked if it was going to be couples again. No, I said. I was looking to drop 250 pounds of fat. Woods. And win this time. Exclamation point. You actually said that to the guy. I said that to the guy. We have a new listener. Exclamation point. I have something else. Just when I think the well has. Run dry with Jay. I know it. I know it. I know it. I know it. May I see your ID? Are you old enough to buy wood? Are you old enough to buy two by fours? May I see your ID, please? It's using a credit card. Let me see here. Are you TVs, Jay? I think the whole thing was fabricated. The whole freaking nut story was fabricated.

1:20:45was fabricated. I think the person recognized me. Okay, you have a helmet on, you've got crap all over you, and they're going to be like, oh yeah, I know that guy. What's up with your fat buddy? Such BS. My theory is the person said, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere else? Yes, wrap up. I'm TV's Jason. 100%. That would be Woods who does that. Would it? I don't do anything. I just was being... Just myself. I was just being handsome. I can't help it. I was being fit. Just handling some wood. So I looked at the guy. I said, yes, it's me. Okay, I surrender. The 250 pounds of fat line I've been using on everybody. That's great. My brother used to hate this song. I never got it. I love this song. This one? Yeah, my brother Steve said this song used to drive him crazy. Is there a song that drives you? You know what I want to do during the break? During the break. And call us, 570-1949. Call us with the song that every time it comes on, you listen to it, you probably know the words to it, but it disgusts you. Like, you hate the song. You hate it. 570-1949. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text them, 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now, 570-1949. More coming up on FM 94.9. We know you want ultimate performance.

1:22:33So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Labor Day, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $299 a month plus tax. That's right, a new 2011 328i sedan for just $299 a month. Or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance, You'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328i for only $2.99 a month during the ultimate performance event. Now through Labor Day at BMW Encinitas. On Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. Main is planned. Terms and conditions available. See store for details. Five of this offer. 36-month lease. 4062-plus tax title and license due at signing. Includes $7.50 lease cash. Zero security deposit. 20 cents for access mile over 30,000 miles. With above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer S9511. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's not 4G.

1:23:34It's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? No kidding. Well, hmm. But in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy! Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Early termination and other fees apply. Speed comparison based on expected speeds in Verizon 4G LTE markets. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business? Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed.

1:24:34So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. Marble composition books, just $0.25. Rulers, just $0.01. Pocket folders, $0.01. That's right, $0.01. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Don't be late. Expires 8-20. Composition books and rulers, limit 5, folders limit 10. Hey gang, it's your old pal Woodsy. And your old pal, L-O-B. L-O-B. Yeah, listen. Today's the day. Okay? The countdown is over. Lauren O'Brien. Lauren R. O'Brien. We'll be getting LASIK surgery done this afternoon. Today. Today is the day. L-O-B. When you wake up tomorrow and you will look at your VCR or your DVD player and you'll go.

1:25:48I can see the time and I'm 30 feet away from it. It's incredible. I'm not going to trip over my nightstand like I do every morning trying to get my glasses. It's going to cut down on your klutziness and we all know that that's a problem. But listen, go to Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Talk to Dr. Sandy T. Feldman and they'll give you a free consultation. They'll take a look at you and make sure you're a good candidate. 858-452-3937 or online www.clearvieweyes.com. Be like me in L.O.B. Go get your eyes done at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Make it right. All right. See you. Summer might be ending, but at Vons, it's a great time to start eating summertime favorites the Open Nature way. Open Nature is the affordable line of natural products that meet the highest standards for natural. There's Open Nature sausages and chicken, Open Nature ice cream and yogurt. Now you can eat all natural all the time. Try Open Nature only at Vons. And savor the last days of summer with these Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Whole Tri-Tip Roast Untrimmed is only $2.97 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. California Grown Platinum Super Sweet Corn is $10 for just $2. Stock up on juice with our Mix & Match Juice Jamboree. Get Welch's Grape Essentials for $1.99 each. Chilled Ocean Spray 100% Cranberry Juice for $2.49 each. 10 packs of Capri Sun for $1.49 each and many more. All when you buy three selected varieties.

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1:28:25Epiphone acoustic guitars starting at $89. Live wire instrument cables, two for $10. And Pearl acoustic or Simmons electronic drum kits, your choice, just $2.99. Plus, get anniversary financing. And go to GuitarCenter.com to download a coupon good for 10% off your entire purchase of $99 or more. Some restrictions apply. So come in and play at Guitar Center's anniversary party. Patterson UTI Drilling is seeking motivated candidates for all drilling rig positions in the Permian Basin area. Experience is preferred but not required. Patterson UTI Drilling offers competitive pay, solid benefits, and a great safety culture. Please attend their hiring fair today from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Hilton San Diego Bayfront Hotel located at One Park Boulevard, San Diego, California. On-site interviews will be conducted by management personnel. The Patterson UTI Drilling Hiring Fair. Today, 9 to 4 at the Hilton San Diego Bayfront Hotel. Patterson UTI. and EOE. Hear the Authentic Surf Report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer.

1:29:33This report brought to you by CarMax. Looking to sell your car? Take it into CarMax today. You'll get a free appraisal and a written offer to buy. It's good for seven days. CarMax, the way car buying should be. Heading on the 15 southbound Aero Drive, there's a car stuck over on that right shoulder. Same story here on the 5 northbound at the truck scale. San Clemente Checkpoint, a disabled car. It's got the right lane blocked. And heading into Rainbow on the 15 southbound after Rainbow Valley Boulevard, a ladder in the number three lane. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota. dealers. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. giving us waves kind of in a fun zone, waist, chest high on average, some shoulder-high waves with the occasional plus at those top open areas. Kind of a cross-to-combo as well, so beaches do have some waves. They can choose corners, low tide at dawn, will hurt size and shape in most of those areas. Better sandbars and structure zone will be your choice for sure as they will hold the shape a little bit better. Some of the reefs have some waves as well, but kind of short across the peaks, not a whole lot of length to ride to them.

1:30:57But some pockets can be found. Overcast skies once again will breach you. Calm winds for the most part, so surface conditions looking pretty good. Water temperature hovering in the mid-60s as well. Look for some improvement throughout the morning as the tide does fill in in just about all areas. That's pretty much what we're looking at. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surpline.com. And for surfboard restoration and repair needs, go see Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. And the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. Had to sneeze. And Jay. No, I didn't cry. Come on, man. On FM 94.9. Look at Jay. He is so good, man. He got all of our songs loaded immediately. The songs that drive us crazy. 570-1949. What song just absolutely drives you nuts? You probably know all the words to it, but it still drives you absolutely batty. It's so hideous that you listen to it because you can't believe how hideous it is. You're in awe. Oh, yeah. We all have one. Oh, yeah. 570-1949. Take some calls and we'll tell you about ours.

1:32:32M1 Rachel from El Cajon. Hi, yes. My song is Soul Sister by Train. Oh, yeah. This one right here. You don't like that, Woodsy? Look at that. Oh, wow. Your hair stood up on her arm. You don't like it, L.O.B.? Oh, I think it's so catchy. Oh, my gosh. Matt covers this song, and I hate it. Catchy. I can understand. I mean, some people just don't like, you know, for me. Anything Jimmy Buffett, I'm out on. Anything Jimmy Buffett. Thank you for the call. Appreciate it. That's a good one. M1 Crystal, are you there? Yep. What's yours? Sugar Land, stuck like glue. Never heard it, but I have it here. This is what it sounds like. Oh, boy. Is this a big hit? Yeah, and it's like reggae country. Oh, wow. Reggae and country go together like peanut butter and Tabasco. Yeah, it's run tree.

1:33:37I love melodies. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love melodies. I'm sorry. I apologize. Thank you, Crystal. I'm sorry. Please love me. So you're two for two. You like both those. Yeah, I do. I've never heard that before, but as soon as the melody kicked in, I was like, oh. M1 Debbie from La Mesa, this is blasphemy, but I'll let you say it. I can't stand the Eagles Hotel California. Oh, my God. How can you not? Slightly overplayed. It's overplayed, but it's amazing. Well, I mean, but you've got to be listening to a station that's overplaying it, and I'm not. I mean, so when I get it, it's like a nice treat. Yeah. It's like French toast. I don't have it every day. It's like American Pie, Don McLean. It's like... I don't have that every day. You love it, but you hear it.

1:34:49In every, like, wherever you go, you hear it. See, I go to Vaughn's every day. Every day. And I don't hear this. They don't play it at Mickey D's. Yeah, they don't play it at McDonald's. Thank you for the call. I appreciate it. That is blasphemy. Oh, for sure, man. Hotel California is cool. I know what she's saying. I know what she's saying. Let's see. M1. Oh, this is blasphemy. M1 Adrian from Escondido. You don't like what? No, that Adele, I'm rolling in the dark. My index finger practically breaks the radio. Rolling in the deep. It's overplayed like a madman now, but it's so good. Do you not like the sound of her voice? Yeah, yeah. It's the whole voice. It's just that whole... That style. Yeah. The style. You don't like the style or her voice. Right. Are they getting it? What we're putting out there? Yeah, he says this song drives him crazy. Now, for me, I will say this. For me, my songs I consider to be sort of dorky. Yeah. The songs that drive me crazy are dorky. And they're older, too. I will never, ever like this. Oh, I like it. I will never. I hate it. I will never like it. I know every word of it. It's Jamie. It's my wife Jamie's number one most hated song. Oh, Jamie. When she hears it, she's like. Really? Oh, she hates it.

1:36:15The stupidest thing I've ever heard. 100%. It reminds me of the music video, though. Which was also terrible. That guy with the hammer. Oh, my God. The little, like, claymation or whatever that guy was. I remember when the video came out and everybody was just gushing over it. And I was like, this looks like a cartoon. A stupid cartoon. I think it's cool. A refrigerator. We have to install microwave ovens. How is that cool? That's so stupid. It makes my skin crawl. It does. It makes my skin crawl. But it was where we were at the time. I was six. Hey, at the time, I thought that was lame as it gets. Me too. But the things you're just talking about, like, okay, everything's changing. Microwave ovens. Custom kitchen delivery. Yeah, yeah. We got to move these. I'm like, you're just thinking that's cool.

1:37:12Makes me crazy. Here was the... Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. This makes... This makes my skin... Blasphemy, Mike. Billy, don't lose that number. Is this Phil Collins or Genesis? Genesis. Oh. This is... 99% of Genesis songs. I'm all the way... I love Genesis. Oh, God. Just hearing this makes... me want to scratch my ear balls out. Yeah. Wow. Ear balls. Su-su-studio. Su-su-studio. Come on, Mike. This is a true fact. True factual story. True factual story. True fact. My brother one time. When I say this, you're going to go, you're making that up. We'll call him. Mark. We'll call him if we have to. He was... This is the whitest moment I've ever seen. Dave Chappelle would go... This is the whitest thing I've ever seen. My brother, whitest guy I've ever seen in my life, was in his kitchen, snapping his fingers, listening to Susudio. And I swear to you, he looks at me and he goes, wouldn't it be great to just be Phil Collins for one day? I'll never forget that moment in my life. I looked at him and I went, really? You really think that?

1:38:37I really wanted to know. I wanted to dissect his brain and kind of understand. Cut him open. How? Why? Not David Lee Roth. Not Eddie Van Halen. Not Vince Neil. Phil Collins. Phil Collins with those white pants pulled up to his chest. With a polo, you know. Tucked in. Receited hairline. Receited hairline. Just walking into a hotel. What's life like? It's a bit of an age gap. I'll never forget him saying. That's brilliant. Wouldn't you love to know what it'd be like to be Phil Collins for one day? No, I don't. Snapping his fingers. Here's Woods' makes his skin crawl. The fabulous Thunderbirds topping up. Oh, I know this song. I like it. Mikey! I do it. No way. I want to walk a million miles. It seems like a bit. Oh, my God. That's horrible. Horrible. I like it. Mikey! Are you tough enough? And a grizzly bear. It's your fake song. Yeah. Like for tools or something. Yeah. I completely get where you're... Attires. Listen, I get where you're coming from. No doubt about it. All I'm telling you is...

1:40:00I like it. Didn't they use that song as like a Don't Trash Texas song? I think so. Don't mess with Texas. Alright, here's another one that a lot of people will agree with you, Woods. Here's Woods' other one. Every single human being, and I'm talking about Ethiopians, know the words to this song. I'm talking about Eskimos, Inuits, in the North Pole to know this song. If there's aliens, they know the words. They're in a UFO. They're like Tom Cochran. I freaking hate that song. This guy was such a dork, too. I remember the video. He was just standing out in the middle of the desert playing his guitar. You know what band he was in? Do you remember Red Rider? Yeah. Lunatic Fringe? Same guy. Oh, really? Yes. Same dude. Which is a badass song. Lunatic Fringe. Yeah.

1:41:05I don't know Lauren's songs. I know one of them. But the other one, I'm going to play the one that I don't know first that drives you crazy because I don't know it. But I want to play it. It's James. You know this song. Let's see. Oh, my God. I love this song. I listen to it when it's on, but I'm like, I'm so mad. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Is this the one that goes, I want to ta-da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta? I know this song. I'm going to download it now that I know who it is. I had no idea that's who that was. Okay, this is the radio edit. I was like, uh-oh. In this part, it's when he gets to... Ashley. Come on. Love that song. I like both the Lawrence songs. Come on, Mike. I think you're so pretty. I know that we just told a bunch of people like, oh, I want that. It's James. And the song's called Laid. Yep. Come on. Now, this next one is, listen, I could pretend to be a tough guy and be like, oh, this next one's so lame, so stupid. It's dumb as ever. I'm going to tell you right now, I like it. Clay Aiken is going, that's the gayest song I've ever heard. Maybe it's not the one I'm thinking of. This song, trust me, it is. No, this isn't their slow one.

1:42:50I thought it was their slow one. Oh, gosh. Listen to this one. It's bad. Savage Garden, I Want You. Oh, yeah. I hate this. I hate this. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I kind of like it. I know cherry cola is the only word I need. L.O.B., this is the worst freaking song I have. You know what? I never thought I'd say this about it. a song that disgusts me. It's hideous. It's disgusting. It's up there with bare-naked ladies for me. Every bare-naked lady. Every bare-naked lady. Chickity-China, the Chinese chicken. China drumstick and your brain starts clicking. Hadn't watched the next files with no lights on. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself when I hear it. That, to me, is like, it's like romper room. Yeah. I feel like it's romper room. How do those guys, like, before a show, they're like... You ready? Yeah, you ready to do that? Smash the hands together. They're having shots of Jaeger. They were a good show. I saw them. You must have been on Mushrooms. I thought that the song that you were talking about was this one. I like it. I like it. I like it. I think it's pretty. I'd put it in a movie.

1:44:14Two gay lovers? Yeah. No, about straight lovers. About two dudes just making out. I don't like that. I know every word, though. That's the deal. I know every word. Every word. And listen, every song, like the other day, I was playing this, and Woods goes, dude, what are you listening to? It was off the air, and I was playing this. He's like, what are you listening to? And I go, dude, every song on this album is great. And he's like... The stupidest music ever. I don't mind this song. This song's okay. Vertical Horizon. This whole album is great. I don't know about the whole album. That's like saying Tonic's first record. Every single song. Every single song. And so this is playing. Woods is listening to it. He's just beating me up over it. Telling me what a fairy I am. All this stuff. Then this one comes on right after. Woods starts singing it. I love this song. He starts singing it. This song. Could make me cry, and I'm not kidding. It's one of the saddest songs I've ever heard in my life. Another concert I went to. I would. I think they're great, man. Every single song. There's not one on there that I don't dislike. I love this song. Oh, my God. If you listen to the words, it's one of the saddest. There's no question. And the other day when somebody says, somebody got me into it, I said, poetry to me is stupid. It's the dumbest thing. Really?

1:45:43And somebody said, here, I'll get you to like poetry. A girl says to you, you don't care anything about me. Everything about me you hate. And it's not true. This is not true. I love you. I love you. No, it isn't. Everything, the only reason you like me is because of my looks. It is the only reason. This is not true. Why do you say such things? If you love me, tell me you love me. And so you have to come up with a reason that you love her that's elevated. Don't just tell me my teas are nice. You cannot just look at me and say to me, oh, I love the color of your eyes. It must be more. And I went, I get it. I get it. That song that you just played, the best I ever had, there was a country artist for the life of me. I can't remember his name. His wife passed away. He recorded that song for her. Dude, I mean, I read the story. The opening words of the song are, so you sailed away into a gray sky morning. Yeah, you want to blow your head off. Now, when you think about that, think about that for a second. You could say, you drove away in the morning. You left. You left. No, no, no, no. So you sailed away into a gray sky morning. That is really cool. Poetry. It's poetry. Okay.

1:47:09This is Jay's worst. He hears it and his skin crawls. Yeah, Woods is like shaking water off his hands. I like this song. It's filthy. It's filthy. When I was a kid, I used to do a line dance to this song. I can't remember it anymore. With that mullet haircut. Let me tell you what this song reminds me of. It reminds me of a historian. That's gone back in time and found a garbage can. Yep. And in the garbage can is bologna, old cheese, stinky, stinky rinds off of a decomposing fruit. And underneath all of that is a 45. And it says Billy Ray Cyrus, achy, breaky heart. And you have to wipe it off with Windex and a towel to put it on the 45. Don't waste your time. That's what kind of garbage it is. I love it. It's terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

1:48:15Take it for what it is and love it. How about this one, L.O.B.? I so fiercely disagree with Jay about this one. That sounds great. It's so great. It's so beautiful. This is my guilty pleasure. Oh, dude, I might have written the words for my wife. Sent it in an email once. It makes me want to cry. Are you kidding? That's a true story. You did? Yeah. I love this song. Sorry I'm romantic. How are you? No, I'm not. We were going to the... What's the band with Slash and Scott Weiland? It's Velvet Revolver. Velvet Revolver. We're going to a Velvet Revolver concert. It was me, it was my wife, her best friend Erica, and Erica's husband Todd. We're walking in, we're talking about music, and he goes, you know what the gayest song in the world is? I mean, like the stupidest song I've ever heard. And I go, what? And he goes, the reason. He goes, a reason for me. And I go, and I go, yeah, man, yeah.

1:49:18Totally. And in my head, I was like, I love it so much. I like the lyrics. I wish it was sung a different way. I don't really like how he sings it. You know what I like about it? It sounds like the way that he's singing it sounds like he's almost crying. Yeah. He's very emotional. Puba Stank. Wow, that's awful, dude. That name's terrible. There's a lot of bands that have terrible names. You got to get over the name. Yeah. Stunk. Woods likes Boston. Yeah, Boston. You like the band Boston, but you hate Boston. I hate town. Yeah. People and players. Oh, you don't hate the people. Yes, I do. You do not. Here's a great song. You've never heard of this person. You've never heard of this person. I'd never heard of this person. This person's name is Jude Cole.

1:50:17He was a big artist. You know where I got this? It was in the throwaway bin at the radio station. Every radio station has music that they get that they throw it away. And all of the employees are welcome to the box. Take it. Nobody wants it. It's free on the house. It's on the house. What's in the box? I look in those periodically and I'm like, yeah, there's a reason they're in there. I do too. Every single time. I have to look. Sometimes you find a good one. This one, this one I liked. I heard it and I went, that's really sad. And at the time I was, you know, I was very overweight. Where? Okay, I was still overweight and I... Drinking a lot? Not yet. But was very, very in love with a girl who was not in love with me anymore. Brian Adams. Yeah. It's fine with me. Yeah. As long as it sounds good. Does it make you romantic at all?

1:51:28Yeah, it kind of reminds me of Brian Adams. I would believe it. If his name was on it, I'd be like, oh, yeah. Call us with your turds. I love the turds, man. I had another one, Mike. Ricky, don't lose that number. You don't like it? Oh, it needs Steely Dan, dude. Forget it. What? Steely Dan. I like Steely Dan. Garbage. I love it. Garbage. I don't like the people that say, hey now, you're an all-star. Oh, Smash Mouth? Yeah, nothing by Smash Mouth. I like that first. All right, here's another question for you if you want to deal with that music question of this one. Jay-Z was recently called one of the most overrated artists ever. It shocked me. Who's the most overrated artist? Band, artist, whatever. 570-1949. Pop it in. Turn it on. Call now. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award. A fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you. Because it means when you drive an Infiniti, you'll not only enjoy an unrivaled performance experience,

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2:00:34tire tread in the middle lanes. This report also brought to you by Wawanese Insurance. Wawanese Insurance, better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage. For your auto home or your condo, call 877-Wawanese or go to wawaneseus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I got a box of... You know, stuff in the mail because I like to shop on the internet. Lauren. I'm not a crier. Woods. I used to drink a lot. And Jay. How about you let me raise my own kid? On FM 94.9. Get ready for this, San Diego, because it's a big crowd. We call this Mikey Show. A lot of people in this radio station right now. Now, we're talking about songs that make your skin crawl. Now, we're also talking about overrated bands or artists, bands that you think are overrated. Jay-Z was just called one of the most overrated artists ever. I think he's slipping. I really do. Really? I think he used to be a lot better. Yeah, I really do. New York State of Mind. I mean, New York Empire State of Mind. I love the song and the beat and everything, but I think his rap skills are slipping. That was more mainstream. What the hell do I know? But I'm just, you know, in comparison. Tell me if these songs make your skin crawl. These are texts that we got.

2:02:13Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone. That's a great song. Brilliant song. Doesn't bother me. I want to fight somebody when I hear it. Me too. Or play volleyball. 99 Red Balloons. 100%. Not to be confused with 99 Luftballoons. It was very different. Very different. Wang Chung. 100 Idiot. It's one of the worst songs ever. Come on. It's nostalgic. How about One Night in Bangkok? Remember that song? Yes, it's a great song. Lauren likes all the real... The worst. Bangkok. It reminds me of my childhood. Do you like Taco, Putting on the Ritz? Yes, I knew you were going to say that because One Night in Bangkok always reminds me of Putting on the Ritz. Where fashion sits. Putting it on the red. It's the worst. I thought it was Adam Summer. It's awful. Oh, dude. Anything from cake, I hate. I hate. I don't get it. I like the distance. That's it. I love the cake. I don't understand it. I don't get cake either. I like it. Rick Astley. Rick Astley, never going to give you up? Genius. Genius. Rick Rold. Come on. Yeah. It's brilliant. I think it's genius. There was a lot of that 80s stuff, though, that I could not stand. I'll tell you what I can't stand. Edie Burkell and the New Bohemians. I'm not afraid of too many things.

2:03:31You guys are crazy. Me? I'm part of your circle of friends. That one's not as good. 570. We? 194.9. What about that Four Non Blondes song? Do you guys like that one? It's a good one. It's a good one. That's terrible. You don't like it? I hate it. I hate it. I love it. M1 Rebel from Carlsbad. What do you got? Is this overrated or it just makes your skin crawl? Stair to heaven, you know, Robert Plant. Hang on. Yeah, real good thing. Hang on. Overrated, you're saying? Yeah. Hang on. Now, wait, wait, wait. I want to understand him. Please don't. I want to understand him. You can't argue with a psychopath. Hang on. In the same way I want to understand my brother saying, wouldn't you like to be Phil Collins for a day? I want to understand what you mean that you don't. What is it about? Stairway to heaven.

2:04:39that you don't like. Mikey, Mikey, listen. You ever just mess with DJs real good? Here, here, here. No, he's screwing with us. Oh, he's trying to get us. Don't be a clown. He loves... Best song, best band ever. They rule. I was just messing with DJs. Hey, let me tell you. I'll tell you what's interesting about that. I don't think there's anybody that doesn't like Stairway to Heaven. You may be tired of it. You may be tired of it. But if you took three years off and then heard it, you'd be like, hell yes, it's back. Agreed. It's so good. Yeah, Stairway to Heaven's a good song. Yeah. M1 X-Ray from El Cajon. Mike, what's going on, guys? What's going on? Hey, I'm a smelly turd for ya. Which one? I can't wait. Wow. It's a band called Crazy Town. Oh! Hang on a second. Now, hang on a second. That's brilliant. Come, my lady. Come, come, my lady. Now, here's the thing. Brilliant. I gotta say this. Oh, boy. When Crazy Town first came out, I thought to myself, I bet this band is going to because I thought they kind of had a cool look and I kind of thought they had their stuff together. And then I heard about them getting booed off stages. Yeah. And I remember to me, it was so random. I, you know, I couldn't understand. Well, what was it? What was it that because when they first came out, you know, every rock station in the country. Oh, yeah. They were the new Sugar Ray. Well.

2:06:08I never saw him necessarily as the new Sugar Ray, because Sugar Ray, I worked at a rock station, and I remember stations like Star 100.7 played Sugar Ray. We didn't play Sugar Ray. We were a rock station. But you played the crap out of Crazy Town. We played the crap out of it when it first came out. In fact, the only reason that we stopped is because they got booed off the stage, which told every rock station in the country, they're lame, don't play them anymore. But up until then, we didn't know why. That song, Butterfly, was really popular when it first came out. Clown-ish, though. It's clown-ish. M1, Torpedo from Carlsbad. Hey, how's it going, guys? What's going on? Just giving you the most overrated artist, in my humble opinion, would be Oasis. What? I like it, dude. I like them, but hey. They're brilliant. Noel Gallagher's brilliant. It's an homage. Homage to who? The Beatles. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they've said it. Hey, man, we love the Beatles. It's a tiny little bee for a singer. I agree with that. I like Noel Gallagher, though. He's freaking brilliant. He wrote every song. And I get what you're saying about them doing their version of the Beatles. But see, here's the thing that I have never got. Whenever anybody goes, oh, I liked it better the first time, which I say is a joke, by the way. You'll hear me every once in a while. I liked it better the first time when it was called Tom Petty.

2:07:34When I hear Tom Petty, I go, I like it better the first time when it was called Bob Dylan. As long as it is good, I don't care. I mean, as long as you dig it, who cares? When Creed very first came out, they were a ripoff of Pearl Jam. They basically should have wrote Pearl Jam a check and said, hey, thank you for becoming a band and giving us our sound and blah, blah, blah. I never necessarily had a problem with that. There was a period of time in the 80s where there was a lot of bands, hair bands, that were trying to sound just like Led Zeppelin. And Aerosmith. And Aerosmith. The two huge ones. GNR, you could say, was an Aerosmith ripoff. Now, there was a period where Led Zeppelin saw this revitalization during the 80s. And so every band that came out had to sound like Led Zeppelin. Listen to this. Now. Understand, John Bonham was the drummer for Led Zeppelin, and this is his son's band. Jason. Jason Bonham. But listen to the singer that he got for his band. Great song. If you do a good imitation, man, I'm down with it. As long as the imitation is good, I'm fine. You ever heard Great White cover Led Zeppelin? I bet they do it great. You would fall out of your chair. They have an album on iTunes. It's a whole concert they did of all Zeppelin. You can't tell the difference.

2:09:16Oh, yeah, there was a bunch of bands that just did a straight-up rip-off. But as long as it sounds good, I'm down with it. It's a dead-on Robert Plant. Dead-on. 570-1949 is the number. Let's see. What job have you had to lie about? Now, this is interesting because LLB actually did this on a plane one time. On the little SkyTram in the airport. Yeah, you didn't want to get into it. So you said... The guy asked you, what do you do? What'd you say? I think I said insurance sales or something like that was going to be boring and was going to stop there. No offense to insurance. Yeah, no. They know it's boring. What I will do is I will not, I won't flat out lie. I'll just, I'll say something that's sort of true. I'll say, I'm in communications. And it bores them and they don't want to know anymore because they're bored. Yeah. That's nice. But I don't want to say.

2:10:28I'm a radio talk show host because the questions are always, always the same. The questions are usually something like this. Oh, what kind of songs do you play? I'm a talk show host. Oh, what channel? And it's not called a channel, which drives me a little bit crazy. They don't know that. But they don't know that. It's all the stuff they don't know. It's not their fault. They just don't know. What time do you get up in the morning? That is a question. Or, hey, I'm glad that you said that you're on the radio. My nephew's in a band and he really wants to be a big star. Can I give him your phone number? Do you have a demo?

2:11:21You would do that, Woods? You would say, do you have a demo? I'd ask him for demos. Oh, my goodness. Because I don't want to hear it. I don't want a demo. Woods would tell him that he was on the radio first thing out of his mind. Well, hey, I'm sorry. I'm proud of what I do. That's nice. I think it's nice. Yeah, listen. There's nothing wrong with it. Listen. There's nothing wrong with it. Two years ago, today, here was me. Hi, this is Steve. I'm with Reach Local. I'd like to tell you about an amazing opportunity that could really impact your life. That's right. Starting salaries between $36,000 to $42,000 a year. It's a really dynamic and growing country. What I do now is kick ass. Yeah. I don't go around saying, hey, I'm on the radio. But if somebody goes, what do you do? I go, I'm on the radio. Suck it. We got on an airplane together. We got on an airplane together. He's not even sat down yet. He's like, he's such a D. God. That did happen, though. I was there. It did not. It did, too. He asked me what I did. He asked what I was supposed to say. My name's Steven Woods. Do you want an autograph? I've got a... 570. Such BS. 570-1949. Well, being in radio is obviously not the only job that people will say they do something else. So what do you do that you say you do something else?

2:12:25570-1949. And is there anybody in the room that you say you do something different or a variation of what you do just because you don't want to talk about it? Are you a porn star, maybe? And you say, I work at Dillard's or Nordstrom. I'm in film. Yes. I'm a filmmaker. I'm a filmmaker. 570-1949 is the number. M1 Trevor from San Diego, are you there? Yeah. What's going on? How you doing? Good. Well, yeah. Do you lie about your job? Yeah, I do. I have to. What do you say? Well, what do you do and what do you say? Are you a drug dealer? And if you are. No. Actually, I own a company, just processing and packaging business. But I don't really want people to know too much because I want to know who's my friends and who's not. How old are you? I'm 22. Is the company worth anything? Yeah, it's about $5 million. Your company? You're 22 years old and you've got a company that's worth $5 million? Yes, I do. So what do you tell people? Well, I just tell them I'm in processing and packaging because, you know, that's just very vague. Yeah. It's not a lie. It's not a lie. It just happens on the company. Yeah, but if you told a girl...

2:13:49What you did and specifically what it was about, you don't know if that girl's interested in the fact that you've got a $5 million company or if... Exactly. Remember how Jay had said that all women are prostitutes? That's right. Jay did say that. Being a prostitute, being a woman, you'd be out for the money. In fairness to Jay. He didn't say that all women were prostitutes. He said that if you go on a date with a woman, she's basically a prostitute. Right, okay. That's what he said. That's not fair to Jay. Hey, Trevor, we should hang out. I just like you as a person. Hang on. I want to be even more fair to Jay because that was not exactly true either. He said that if you go on a date with a woman and she allows you to pay for the meal. At that point, she becomes a prostitute. Only if she trades it out for sex. If she trades it out. It's not a trade. It's a subsequent action. Like a NAFTA agreement. Are you sure? Like Clinton said, now here's the way it's going to work. If you have sexual relations after dinner, it's therefore prostitution. Right. That's what he's saying. That's what Bill Clinton and Jacef R. Isbell have said. That's right. Live on the radio. Live. Let's see.

2:15:03This is M1 Kong Island, and he's actually in San Diego now. What do you do? Actually, right now I'm a forklift driver, but I own my own business. And, you know, even though I own my own business, I tell people that I'm just strictly like a forklift driver just because, like, when I talk to people, like, I'm like, oh, what do you do for your job? You know, like, oh, like, well, you know, I have a nine-to-five, but, like, you know, I own my own business. And, like, as soon as I hear people, as soon as people are like, oh, what do you do? It's like, I work with plants. So it's like a million, a million questions. What kind of questions does a forklift driver get? Well, not really much. Yeah, I guess that's why you say it. What do you lift? I live actually in Mission Gorge right now. I'm actually driving home right now from a friend's house. You know, Mike is a forklifter.

2:15:57You know, he lifts that fork. From the plate to his mouth. Hundreds of times a day, doesn't he? Thousands, really. He's also a spoon lifter. He's a knife licker. He's a plate licker. That's right. Mike, you should hire this guy to get you out of bed in the morning. You know, technically, Mike, you're a burger lifter. A fork lifter, a burger lifter. Fry lifter, shake lifter. Pizza lifter, burrito lifter. Cheese lifter. Burrito lifter. Burrito lifter. Barista lifter. M1 Mary from Del Mar. Hi. Hi, you're an archaeologist. I am. Do you tell people you're an archaeologist? No, I hate talking about it because they think they're like, oh, so you're like Indiana Jones. Same bit. It's a weak bit. Indiana Jones. That was 40 years ago. Yeah, totally. Totally. But it's like, yeah, I show up to work and I get a bag of sand and I remove this idol and make sure the idol. How many times have you heard, throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip. Then you take your bullwhip off of your belt and start whipping people in your office.

2:17:09Totally. So are you going to work right now? I'm at work right now. Okay. I don't want to annoy you, but I do have questions. Okay. What the hell do you do on a daily basis? Well, there are the archaeologists that are in academia, you know, and they get to do some of the more interesting scientific stuff. But I am like many archaeologists who... works with land development and things like that. So today I am watching scrapers move dirt around. Wait, wait, wait. For how many hours? All day. All day long. That's what you're going to do? Today. Yeah. It varies. I do lots of different things, but it is so incredibly boring. I want to just like blow my brains out. And I went to school for eight years to be able to. Oh my gosh. That sounds like the. Worst job you could possibly... Is it pay any good? Is it pay any good? No. Pay's not even good. Sounds like you can be real hungover and go to work, though. This is always a plus. Are you guys looking for something, or are you just out there? I just stand around, just in case they find anything.

2:18:20Are they on a mission or are they just having fun? They're just building condos? Well, right now I'm in Del Mar and they're building a horse ranch. So she's there just in case. Just in case. Well, I'll tell you what. As soon as they find a woolly mammoth, your job becomes very interesting. I've got a bone you can uncover. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. I had to let her go. I had to let her go? I got a dusty bone, Mike. And I mean dusty. It's dusty. Trust me. It's super skinny like a pencil. A salamander bone. Mike, do you remember them husky pencils you used in kindergarten with the big eraser on the end? That's what it looks like. Well, half that. Well, remember that movie, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? Imagine if they did a remake, but they called it... Honey, I shrunk the pencil. And by pencil, I mean my wiener. Our most trusted celebrity. Who do you think it is? I'll tell you that. I'll tell you a bunch of stuff about caffeine that you think is right and it isn't. And I got a great email about Dungeons and Dragons. Let's make some noise with Mikey's show live. We got it here today. Let's make some noise.

2:19:58heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. At 949mikey at gmail.com. More from The Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9. Hey, artillery with some shows for you to go check out. Like tonight. 311 and Sublime with Romer in town, they play cricket wireless amphitheater. Tomorrow night, catch Cut Cummins at House of Blues. Next Wednesday, the 24th, Company of Thieves play the belly up. And next Friday, the Butthole Surfers show is now at Brick by Brick. On September 2nd, Fitz and the Tantrums play the Del Mar Racetrack. Ben Harper plays there September 4th. Big Sonic Chill presents Two Nights of Thievery Corporation and House of Blues September 7th and 8th. You can also join us at the Casbah September 8th for the SD Music Thing kickoff party with Telekinesis. And still to come this summer, two about the music shows, one with givers, one with the pains of being pure at heart.

2:21:00Switchfoot at Petco Park, TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys, Two Door Cinema Club, Blitz and Trapper with Dawes, Ryan Adams, and the Naked and Famous. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Keep your vehicle running right on a budget that's tight when you shop the dollar-stretching deal sale at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Stop in today and find big savings on top name brand motor oils. From hard-working conventional to high-performance full synthetic motor oil, you'll find the brands you need at a price you'll like. Stretch your dollar and save more during the dollar-stretching deal sale at your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store. Right now at O'Reilly Auto Parts, purchase five quarts of O'Reilly full synthetic motor oil and a micro guard filter starting at $19.99. Give your engine outstanding wear protection with five quarts of O'Reilly full synthetic motor oil and a micro guard filter starting at $19.99. Only at O'Reilly Auto Parts, the official auto parts store of NASCAR. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details.

2:22:20Hey, when is the last time that you looked maybe in your rearview mirror or your visor, the mirror on the visor, you saw your sunglasses and you thought, man, these things are old. You've had them for a long time. It's time for a new pair of sunglasses. Go to Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Cool thing about them is they got three locations and they're open 363 days out of the year. Now, the locations are the Sports Arena, Kearney Mesa and La Jolla Village Square. But I like to tell people about the Sports Arena location because it's kind of difficult. First time I went there, it was hard for me to find it. So I tell people where the Red Lobster is. Turn there where the Red Lobster is. That street's called Hancock. And then veer around to the right. You'll be on Kurtz. And that's where it is. It's on the left-hand side. And you'll see the big sign that says Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. They're also in Kearney Mesa and La Jolla Village Square. Really, really great place. And again, not just sunglasses. They also do the optical parts. If you need a prescription, you can do that too. Go to FM949SD.com. Download a 20% off coupon. Take that in there because you want them. They got them. Go get them. The end of the model year and Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now.

2:23:42With 0% APR financing on Altima. Or get $1,500 cash back on Altima. Get bottom line prices like 0% or $1,500 back on Altima. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars, great offers, equals more savings. And that's the bottom line. This event ends August 31st. Hurry in today. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? Uh, no kidding. Well, hmm, but in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy!

2:25:04Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store. VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE. Or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Early termination and other fees apply. Speed comparison based on expected speeds in Verizon 4G LTE markets. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE. The tastiest food on wheels descends on Del Mar. It's the first annual gourmet food truck festival. From noon to 6. 40 of Southern California's top gourmet food truck chefs will be serving up a treasure trove of delicious food and eclectic eats. Free admission to the food truck area with racetrack admission. It all happens this Saturday. Del Mar, cool as ever. Summer might be ending, but at Vaughn's, it's a great time to start eating summertime favorites the Open Nature way. Open Nature is the affordable line of natural products that meet the highest standards for natural.

2:26:36There's open nature sausages and chicken, open nature ice cream and yogurt. Now you can eat all natural all the time. Try open nature only at Vons. And savor the last days of summer with these Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Whole Tri-Tip Roast Untrimmed is only $2.97 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. California-grown Platinum Super Sweet Corn is $10 for just $2. Stock up on juice with our Mix & Match Juice Jamboree. Get Welch's Grape Essentials for $1.99 each. Chilled Ocean Spray 100% Cranberry Juice for $2.49 each. 10 packs of Capri Sun for $1.49 each and many more. All when you buy three selected varieties. And flu shots are here. Get your flu shot at a Vons pharmacy. It's fast, easy, and you'll save 10% on your groceries. Vons, ingredients for life. Try a slice of Boris Head Premium Deli Meats and Cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. I'm test driving a BMW 3 Series right now and enjoying the speed and the pace. Power? It has more of both than its top rivals from Audi and Mercedes. So even meeting a friend for lunch makes for a great day. Ah, not so great day for that guy. Pulled over with smoke coming out of his hood. Luckily, 3 Series drivers never worry about repair bills. With BMW's no-cost maintenance, you pay for nothing from brake pads to wiper blades. That can save you thousands. What's up, Scott? En route. Well, I'm not. I think my car just imploded. That was you?

2:28:04I just passed you. Yeah, that was me. I'm the tall, angry guy next to my car. I'll be right there. I'll buy you lunch. For some peace of mind, test drive a 3 Series at a BMW center today. For ultimate service details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. For a limited time, enjoy incredible lease and finance offers of the BMW 320i sedan. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. This report, it's brought to you by McDonald's. 42-ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at McDonald's for a limited time. Choose from a variety of icy cold soft drinks. And now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Well, it looks like you've got a backup here on the 5 northbound before Via de la Vie. A couple cars in the center divider in La Mesa on the 8 westbound before Fletcher Parkway. Another accident sitting on that right shoulder. And the 15 southbound before the 163, there is a disabled car that's in the middle of lanes. This report brought to you by Check into Cash. Check into Cash guarantees the lowest rate of title loans. Plus, you can ask about their $50 cash back offer. Loans made pursuant to a Department of Corporation's California Finance Lenders Law License. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I've never been so happy. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. It bothers me that I don't know how to be. Woods. That's why I don't eat that.

2:29:22funk cheese that you eat. I eat Kraft American singles. Lauren. My obsession with black men came from Bill Cosby. Isn't it? Yeah. And Jay. Man, if I could just be a home dad. On FM 94.9. Baby, hi. Hi. Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have. What is he talking about? Maybe I didn't treat you. He's talking about doing it? Golf. He's talking about golf. I never thought of it that way before. He's talking to his old lady, dude. About doing her as weird. No. He's talking about how he broke her heart. I think he's talking about how he should have done her more. No, he's saying that he didn't treat her that good. Right. Maybe I didn't love you as often as I could have. Yeah. Maybe Jay's right. Maybe he was right. Yeah, maybe he didn't make love to her. We didn't say I didn't moan you as often as I could have. But that's because it doesn't sound as romantic. That's true. Wow. Willie. You are always.

2:30:30That's why my name was Willie. Willie. One eye, Willie. CreateYourDesignOnline.com is our friend Jared's website, and he does all kinds of graphic design. He'll do your... What? This song makes me laugh. Because I picture me and you sitting on the toilets in the bathroom, not the same toilet, and you singing the song on the top of your lungs. Which is the weirdest thing, but it's true. It's a true story. It happened. I was in the bathroom the other day, and I had my phone with me at all times. FaceTime. Okay? FaceTime. Woods now has an iPhone. You can FaceTime. So you look at somebody. We'll FaceTime all the time. Every time I FaceTime Woods, take your hat off. This is what I see. And mess your hair up. Him in bed, and I see this. It's true. Shirtless. He is a good friend and a lover. Obviously. It was so great. So he called. And did I just start doing the Willie Nelson? Yeah, I think so. Maybe I... And Woods starts dying. He goes, dude, you gotta do that on the air. Maybe I never...

2:31:57Do you guys ever call each other anymore? Is it all FaceTime? It's FaceTime or text. Yeah, FaceTime or text. We don't call ever. Why is it weird? Why don't you let us FaceTime you? Dude on Dude FaceTime, first of all, is weird. No way. It's great. You've never FaceTimed me before. I've tried. Woods calls me. He hasn't FaceTimed me. I've tried to Face... You don't FaceTime with... No, I know better. She's going to... She barely picks up my phone. I know it. She's going to look at the thing and go... oh, God, I'm not FaceTiming that guy. It's creepy. It would be like if she could have a thing that's her face that goes, hi, I'm not available right now. She would. I should have a robot that just goes, mm-hmm, yeah, cool, cool, sure, sure. You're like, this supernatural thing happened the other day, Lauren. I called you and it was you, but it wasn't you because you were like asleep at the time. Betty White is the person that was voted. The most trusted celebrity. Still with the Betty White bit. We're still on this thing. What bothers you about Betty White? I'm over it. It's a funny commercial she was in. Saturday Night Live, you got that bit. I'm enough with Betty White. Just because you dated her, don't get all offended. Okay, so after Betty White, these are the celebrities that people trust. Denzel Washington. Trust Denzel. Me too. Sandra Bullock.

2:33:19I don't trust her. Yeah, I don't either. Why? She's a monster, I bet. What? I don't think she's a monster. I do. I bet she's a pain, a ball breaker. Oh. Oh, gosh. No, I don't trust her. I don't trust her because the way her eyebrows are shaped. Anybody they call America's sweetheart, I'm out on. You know that. Did you hear what I said? I heard you. Okay, thank you. I don't think it's very strange, but. Clint Eastwood. Really? People trust him. Tom Hanks. Yes. He should be number one. Yeah. I'd give that guy my money, my paycheck. Very likable. Yeah. Harrison Ford. No. You know, Harrison Ford was tied with three people. And one of the people he was tied with I think should be number one. How could you not trust Morgan Freeman? 100%. He's red. I'd give him my newborn. He'd be like here. It's all red. Yeah, it's red. You know he'll raise the newborn just like you would. 100%. You can trust him. Better even. Better. And then he'll tell them stories. I thank you so much for...

2:34:18Trust me with your newborn. I promise you to take care of this child. Imagine a bedtime story from Morgan Freeman. Would be amazing. On the first day of Christmas, a creature will stare. Not even a mouse. He got paid about a million dollars for doing 30 seconds of voiceover work at the beginning of the movie War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise. Tie between Harrison Ford, Morgan Freeman, and Kate Middleton. And then Will Smith and Johnny Depp. Oh, get Will Smith. Here are the people that we do not trust. We don't trust Paris Hilton. We don't trust Charlie Sheen. So in other words, these are the people that you would not have babysit your kids. Britney Spears, Kanye West, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Kim Kardashian, Mel Gibson, and Donald Trump. Agreed. That's a pretty good list.

2:35:24It's all sex scandal people. Pretty much. Paris, Britney, Arnold, Tiger, Kim. Yeah, those are all sex scandal people. I don't know why we don't trust them, but we don't trust them. Oh, speaking of not trusting, you need to know about this. Just want to put this out there so that you know. Happened in San Marcos. Monstrous. Apparently, there's a couple of women. That are walking around San Marcos. They're asking for donations for what they say is a baby's funeral. People are giving them money. Horrible. Wow. There's got to be like a special section of hell for that. So a detective in San Diego, he found out about it. They think it's a scam. These two women are holding yellow signs. uh on each side of a shopping center at the entrance of nordahl and montiel roads and they saw him about 11 a.m on wednesday if you see them call the cops they want to talk to him pretty monstrous oh go to a baby's funeral then try that bit i mean well dude not only that but i mean you imagine you're like trying to think of a scam that's what you come up with yeah and hopefully there's not really a

2:36:49Baby's funeral. I doubt there is. Maybe we stop talking about baby funerals. Fair enough. Yeah, that's probably not the feel-good comedy of the morning. Here are five myths about caffeine. Caffeine does not sober you up. Contrary to popular belief, it does not sober you up. Old wives' tale. Wives' tale. Makes you a very awake drunk. And it dehydrates you, which is the worst thing. Right. Hey, how about this? Journal of Pediatrics says... It's not as bad for kids as you thought it was. Oh, boy. Average American kid between five and seven has about 52 milligrams of caffeine a day. Wow. Which, in my opinion, is pretty gnarly. But is there anything that kind of creeps you out more than seeing a little kid with a Coke can in his hand? Doesn't bother me. Trips me out a little bit. How little? Four? Six. Does that trip you out? No. Six-year-old with a Coke can? Doesn't bother me. As long as they're not drinking it all the time every day. See, I don't know what they're doing. Six-year-old with a cigarette. Yeah, that creeps me out. Rolling a joint in his dad's car. Doesn't that creep out? That's creepy. When you see an eight-year-old tying off with a spoon and a needle, it creeps me out. Every time. It always freaks me out. Too soon. Let's see. M1 Daniel from Ramona. What was the word of the day? Word of the day was supernatural. That is correct, my friend.

2:38:18You're going to the Padre game tonight with your old Uncle Woods. And you're also going to get a $200 gift certificate to Ali Action Sports Warehouse where you can get all kinds of stuff. All I. All I. All I. All I. All I. All I. All right? All right. Thanks. Congratulations to you. Thanks, Mikey. All right, man. Hang on the line. Some other stuff about caffeine. Women who are trying to get pregnant. Should avoid caffeine. That's a myth. Says who? Two separate studies that were done, Woodsy. People ever do studies? I know. I know, and I agree with that. One says one, one says the other. Sponsored by Folgers, right? It's true. Plenty of, almost every woman I know has been drinking coffee. Speaking of Folgers, kids are going back to school when? Monday? I think Monday. A lot of kids are going back to school. Don't let the door hit you on the bus As you're on the way out Thank you. Wow. Like Jay's a mind reader now. Well, there are a lot of parents, I think, that are pretty much ready for the summer to be over. Oh, yeah. Are you Jay? I'm not, but Kim is. Oh, yeah, of course. It's not you. Not me. I'm a good dad. Well, yeah, I'm not crap dad like Mike. I'm not crap dad. I'm ready to quit spending money on camps to send him to. So it's like, hey, here's a week of camp.

2:39:41On the air, I love them. Off the air, get them out of my house. Yeah, tell them to get. Yeah, as soon as those mics are off, get the hell out of my house. Get a job. You're seven. You're seven. Get a job. Start earning some benefits. Hey, crap dad, your kid's going to school or? I don't even, you know what you're saying? Your kid's going to school. You don't even want to educate them, crap dad. Myth number four, caffeine increases your risk of developing osteoporosis, heart disease, and cancer. They say, not as much as we thought. Suck them down then. Myth number five, caffeine has no health benefits. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Coffee has antioxidants. Well, everybody needs those. Yeah, of course we do. Now, if M1Gen is listening, who's a chemist, she is a scientist. She wrote me an email. She said, should I call in when you guys talk about things like antioxidants and you don't know what they are? And I said, sure, as long as you can tell me what it is in normal English.

2:40:43If you could tell me what that, because everybody goes, oh, good, it's got antioxidants in it. I don't know what antioxidants are, so I don't know why I should be fighting them. Yep. Hey, all I know is if I see it, I buy it and drink it. Of course. I'm like, oh, blueberries got antioxidants. I'm eating them. Woods, you get us some soap. It says, hey, listen, it's going to get rid of all those free radicals. You're like, in. Free radicals. Don't know what the hell free radicals are. PCBs. Yeah. No PC. Hey, dude, that. can that you're drinking from, no PCBs in it. I knew it. That's why I bought it. Yeah, because I'm dynamic and I'm looking out for my best interests. Exactly. I don't know what PCBs are. And by the way, you know what I found out? Salorne O'Brien, she was giving me a hard time because I bought RightGuard, which is in a can, and you spray it. It says PCB free. CFC is what I'm giving you a hard time about. CFC free. Don't even know what it is. Don't want it. Don't want it. It's free, though. Don't want to be putting it out in the sky. I don't know what a CFC is. It's Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's chlorofluorocarbons. All right. Something like that. Chlorofluorocarbons. Yeah. CFCs. 570-1949 is the number. All right. So let me read you this email about the Dungeons and Dragons. This is great. Hey, Mikey. Back in high school, my husband was kind of a nerd. And he and his friends would get together and play Dungeons and Dragons.

2:42:08Eventually he stopped when he found out that it wasn't so cool. Now he's looked online and found a group of adults who live in our area and get together to play the game. He wants to join their weekly get-togethers and get back to his Dungeons and Dragons roots. Is it lame that my 34-year-old husband is still playing Dungeons and Dragons? He says it's just a hobby like fantasy football that most people don't understand. That's M1Cat. Now, my immediate answer is undeniable. Not at all. And Woods, before you tell me that a 34-year-old dude playing D&D is a dork, I'm going to remind you, me and you are going to be drafting for our fantasy football team at the end of this month. Right. There ain't no bigger dorks than me and you who are playing a fantasy football game. How many yards did I get today? Oh, that's two points. I called Woods this morning. And I was like, dude, did you see the rules? .04 points per yard. And Woods was like, I know, dude. I don't even know what the hell to do about it. I'm going to drop out a leaf. Me and you are arguing about fantasy football. But this guy's a dork? Yes. Why?

2:43:29It's not football. It's fantasy. Oh, it's fantasy. It's so fantasy. I thought you didn't like fantasy. I don't like fantasy. Fantasy. Football. Whatever. Double standard. Feast. Okay, fine. As long as you're willing to admit it and you go, look, I'm going to have a double standard about it. Mine's not dorky. That one is fine. Yeah, I play fantasy baseball. I set a lineup for 162 games a year and I am psychotic about it. Sigh. Why is that not nerdy? Me putting on elf ears and grabbing a wooden sword and going out. They don't. Yeah, they do. They roll dice. That's different. What you're talking about is called LARPing. LARPing. It is. It's called LARPing. Yeah, live action role play. Live action role play. You can do that with your old lady, but listen. Listen, when you got seven dudes in somebody's garage rolling dice in costumes. Plenty of women. Plenty of women. Plenty. Okay, four or five women across the country play. That ain't plenty. It's the same thing as playing poker. You sit around a table. Yeah, you're playing for money. You get cards. You're playing for money. It's a little different than playing poker, and I'll tell you why. John Wayne never had a scene in a movie where he was playing Dungeons and Dragons. Right, rolling die and going, oh, you get to go through the trials of Turbithia. Yes, I'm with you, Jay. But when you say it's just like poker, it's a little different than poker. Okay, Doc Holliday.

2:44:47Didn't play Dungeons and Dragons. He played the crap out of poker. He would have. He would have, but it would have been around. Whatever. No guys back in 1887 pulled out a six-shooter at some guy at a Dungeons and Dragons game. He'd have pulled out a sword. Gone sword fighting or a staff. It's your favorite hobby. It's not, but... Are you saying sword fighting figuratively or literally? 5-7-0. Yeah. I don't know. Listen, it's not my bag, but if you're into it, listen, the guy's married, okay? He's already married. He's 34. He's 34. He's married. Once you get married, who cares? You do whatever you want. You know, like your old lady's there. You got her. You got your girl. She's there. She's not going anywhere. A couple of mutual friends are here right now. Lauren, would you be upset if Craig decided to join a Dungeons and Dragons thing? She's a very beautiful girl. Here's the deal, though. I say there's nothing. I mean, what's a big whoop? What's a big whoop? It's not for me. I can't make fun of it. It's not for me. I can't make fun of it. It's not for me, though. If I saw you in your driveway with your 35-year-old buddies, I would sniggle a little bit. I would. I'm sorry. Well, they would hide it. They wouldn't be in the driveway. They'd be ashamed of it themselves. 5-7-0. It's true.

2:46:10570-1949. There's a documentary called Dungeon Masters. And I got it. And it centers around one particular guy. And he is very clearly, he's a control freak. And what he did was, and you got to see it to really absorb it. And again, you don't have to be at Dungeons and Dragons. You don't have to know anything about it. I don't know about it. I will say this. When I played Dungeons and Dragons when I was a kid, I couldn't do it. Because I didn't. It was the same thing as reading Tolkien. I didn't understand. And I used to be really envious of kids that did. There were kids that would read it. And they're reading, you know, Narnithias in the kingdom of Narduth. And I'm like. How do you get that? I don't get it. It's a Lord of the Rings for me. I don't understand. I don't get it. Don't understand. Dildo Baggins, you know. It's Bilbo Baggins. I don't understand. It's Bilbo Baggins. You know that it's Bilbo. You know that it's Bilbo. Who, Dildo Baggins? Bilbo Baggins. Oh. And so in this film, the documentary, this guy is in this Dungeons and Dragons group, okay?

2:47:29They're a group of friends. They've been playing the game for about seven years together. Maybe more. Maybe something like ten. And they're interviewing them all in separate interviews. And they despise this man. And they're no longer friends. And when they talk about it, they talk about it in terms of what a monster he is. And that they want nothing to do with him ever again. And then they interview him. And he has this sort of... sly power trip thing as he's talking to the camera and he goes, yeah, it doesn't surprise me that they don't. And they're asking, well, what happened? I killed them all. Apparently, has anybody in the room seen it? Dungeon Masters? I'll be running it this weekend. Yeah. I have to see it. So, apparently, they were playing 10 years and this guy, tired of them.

2:48:30I'm done with these. As friends, as people, he was... And the deal was, they were sort of like bickering to him about some of the rules. They didn't like some of the rules that he was making up. I cast thee away. And he was pissed that they were giving him a hard time. And questioning his... And questioning his authority. And so he... He somehow found this thing where he lured them in, he said. Oh, my God. And he's telling the story like a serial killer, you know? Ted Bundy. Like Ted Bundy sort of talking about the trophies that he's gotten. Right. And he says, and they walked into the room. They entered into what they thought was a safe place. But they didn't realize that it was level four. Blah, blah, blah. And they died. And that was the end. And they start talking to some of the other members. Well, they had worked 10 years to get their characters up to this point of like, I mean, some of these guys, they were admired in the Dungeons and Dragons world of like, you're a level 19, blah, blah, blah. And they were like, I am. I am. I wasn't going to say it. I wasn't going to say it. Bring it up. Suck it. I'm level 19. Suck it. And this guy killed them, right? Right.

2:50:01So it's been now eight years that have gone by and they have a reunion and they get back together. They get them all back together in a room for the documentary. And what do you know? They're able to mend the wounds, shake hands. Sorry. Yeah, it was legal. Really dirty of you to do. Right. But they mend. And the film then documents how they get back together. And he does it again. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is the name of the group the Vagina Repellers? Because I think that would probably be most apropos. Let's make some noise. There are four types of marriages, and it's true. I've read it, and I actually agree. There are four types of marriages. Which one are you? Which one will you be? We'll tell you. And we've got new movies coming out this week.

2:51:19I have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world on a tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy! On FM 94.9. I'm one degree away from moving up. American Public University offers a quality online education. I'm one degree away from making myself more valuable. American Public University is affordable. I'm one degree away from learning more. American Public University has more than 75 undergraduate and graduate degrees. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about one of the best values in online education, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. The best days of summer are here. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties. And nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot. Or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita. An experience that tastes so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila.

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2:58:57for helping us save money. So now we can offer a 24-pack of fresh and easy pure drinking water for just $2.99 plus CR-V every day. It's the end of the model year, and Nissan is laying it all on the line. The Bottom Line sales event is going on now. Tremendous selection, great offers, and bottom line savings. Visit ChooseNissan.com or a San Diego Nissan dealer today. On the 5 northbound before Via De La Valle, an accident on the right shoulder. A couple cars involved. Also in La Mesa, the 8 westbound before El Cajon Boulevard on the south end. You've got an accident on the right shoulder. And as you make your way into Escondido, you've got a delay on the 15 northbound before Deer Springs Road due to a disabled tractor trailer. They're over on the right shoulder, and they've spilled a bunch of diesel. Caltrans is on the scene. They're mopping it up. This report brought to you by Del Taco. You could try the new 15. $159 cent Chipotle value bean and cheese burrito at Del Taco. Slow cooked beans and new creamy Chipotle sauce. It's bold Chipotle flavor for just pocket change. Only at Del Taco. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.

3:00:08Lauren. I washed my hands like a thousand times when I cooked. Woods. I don't like to be tickled because I squeal like a little girl. And Jake. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. I'm Mikey Show live in here. Everybody's got a bunch of food in their hands. We got a lot of people in the studio right now. All right. I got to find this thing. I had it. It's the deal about the marriages. And I thought I'd put it aside. Maybe not. I don't know. Is that it behind you over there? By the way, thank you to Chronic Taco. Two locations, Encinitas Boulevard and El Camino Real between Ralph's and CVS. And also Solana Beach off Loma Santa Fe Drive, just east of the freeway. Customized Mexican food with a twist. Breakfast served all day. And they want you to try their fish, shrimp, fajitas, and fries. And you can come in Monday for Monday Madness or Taco Tuesday specials. And you can check them out online. It is...

3:01:42EatChronicTacos.com. Okay, thank you, L-O-B. You're welcome. All right, so this was the result of a 20-year study on four different types of marriages. Now, if you're not married and one day you'd like to be, these are the kinds of marriages there are. Fair enough. You have the validator marriage, couples with equal decision-making input, and lower levels of conflict. Fifty four percent of people in these marriages and most are very happy. These marriages have lower levels of divorce. That is sort of like my marriage. In my marriage, we both have input and I make the final decision. But it's usually I just go with Rebecca because I feel like she has better ideas than I do. But so it's not at all really like that because it says equal input.

3:02:42And you just said, I make the final decision. Yeah, but if it were not equal input, it would mean that she could not give input. Well, true. And she can. Yeah, for sure. And I usually go with it. I usually go, okay. No, you're right. Especially when it comes to anything to do with the kids. Yeah, for sure. Anything to do with the kids. Or money. Or money. Or money. Hon, I think we should do this. Okay. Yeah, there's very few things that I put that she says she wants to do it this way, and I want to do it this way, and I say, This is the way we're going to. I've probably done that once in seven years of marriage. Avoider marriages. Six percent of couples follow traditional gender roles. We fall within that six percent, my wife and I. Wives do housework. Husbands make money. Divorce is not an option. Believe it or not, they don't fight often since there's no chance at divorce. It's not worth arguing. That is the case for us a lot of times. A lot of times we go, well, what are we going to do? We got to live with each other for the rest of our lives. We need to fight about this. Forget it. Forget it. Let's make nice. Let's make love. Volatile marriages.

3:03:59Really? Hardly. Just read the word volatile. Hardly. Just read the word volatile. We are the least volatile couple ever. That is true. They love on each other. We do. 20% of people are in marriages with high conflict, but also high levels of happiness. That's the volatile marriage. Basically, the highs are very high, the lows are very low. We used to be that way. Are you listening? When we started, we were like that, but now it's very mellow. What about getting upset over the wrong donut? Does that count as high conflict? Now listen, I didn't say I'm not volatile. She's not volatile at all. That's right. Kathy, call out. Hostile marriages. We're forgetting one key factor in that. I'm not married. 20% of people. are in marriages where they fight constantly and are also miserable. These couples almost always get divorced. Here's what the study found. The study found that the amount of fighting in a relationship rarely changes over time. So if you fight constantly in your first few years, you will keep on fighting that much forever. If you don't, you won't. That's according to this study. Obviously.

3:05:20There are exceptions. Rebecca and I used to fight all the time. We used to break up all the time. And we figured it out. Ditto. Now, this is where me and Woods are real different. And Jay, too. First year of marriage for Rebecca and I was very tough. Very tough. Woods and Jay had the opposite experience. Their first year of marriage was like the easiest. Man, it was hard. Year two got us real good. Year one was fine. We were drunk most of the time. It was fun. We were married. It was fun. It was exciting. Year two, almost got us. Truly, we were that close. I wonder if parents think to themselves when the kid came, it was almost like a new marriage. For us, it was like a new marriage. There was fighting over. different things that had never been a part of our marriage before um and there were a few things that i had to side with her on that i thought you know she's right like where i really had to stop and go and you know woods and i were talking about this earlier i said uh uh i have a deep desire uh for search for the truth whatever the truth is in other words if a child molesting pervert murderer comes up to me and says hey

3:06:48you got to lose some weight. My first reaction is to go, you're a child molesting pervert. Who are you to tell me? But then my second inclination is to go, do I need to lose some weight? Okay. Now the two are not connected. They may be separate truths, but I'm interested in the search for truth. Okay. So my mom, one time we go over. If my mom is listening, she didn't know this before now, but it's okay. I'm sure she'll get over it. My mom, when we first had Jake, would say to Rebecca, ooh, isn't he cold? And it would drive her batty. Because in my mom's world, oh, you got to put a sweater on them. And Rebecca told me. She was like, babe, I just got to tell you. That kind of drives me a little wacky. Now, my first inclination is, you're talking about my mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What are you, hey. Easy. What are you talking, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh. Tap the brakes, kid. You're, so wait a minute. You have three months of experience. She's got four, what? That was my first reaction, right? Did you vocalize that? No, no, no. Okay, good. You know me, I want to go, in my head, I want to go, what's truth? Mm-hmm. Because there's one.

3:08:17Thing that is true. And that is, you just hurt my feelings. Yeah. Because that's my mom. Yeah. And you're talking about my mom's. The second thing was, is there anything to that? And instantly it came to me, my mom's had her chance. Yep. Now it's Rebecca's turn. Yep. And one day, some broad that is dating Luke and marries Luke, Rebecca's going to go, maybe, might say. oh, I don't know if he likes it that hot. I know. And she's going to go, huh, maybe I figure that out. Yeah, maybe you zip your lip. Rebecca might say, ooh, isn't that milk too warm? And Luke's wife may say in her head, maybe I give him the milk. I got this. Warm glass of shut the hell up. Shut the hell up. How about you have a warm glass of shut the hell up? And so I think that that's the point with that one. Anyway, it's time for Let's. Kill each other. Wow, hey. Now, when we play Let's, we've done all kinds of things. Some examples, Jay. Let's what? Let's. Oh, wow. He tapped the boys. Wood's just got to tap on you. We've done Let's what?

3:09:45Let's dodgeball. Let's play dodgeball. Let's play soccer. Let's play hockey. Derby dolls. Football. We've done football throw. Derby dolls. Today we're going to play Let's Play William Tell. Let's do a mic check. How does this sound? It sounds good. Sounds good. So here's what we're going to do. Woods and Jay are going to shoot an apple off each other's head with an arrow. No, we're going to use a BB gun. Oh, BB gun. Don't do this at home, kids. They had to return the arrow because it was considered deadly. Yeah. Is that true? Yes. Put a hole in the wall? Yeah, put a hole in the wall. Wait, wait, wait. Out of responsibility, honestly, Jay, don't do anything yet. Out of responsibility, I want to say, seriously, don't do this at home. I also want to say this. We are not a show that is geared for children. No. Lest anybody listen and go, Mikey, how dare you? You believe in Jesus. Why would you ever let somebody shoot a BB at somebody's head?

3:10:44I'll tell you why, because I'm a guy, and guys like this kind of stuff, and I like this. I'm sorry. Now, Jay is looking at Woods, who has face protection on. Woods is putting his hands over his boys. Jay is shaking the BB gun and is about to try to shoot an apple off of Woods' head. Oh, God. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Woods just flinched so hard before anything happened that the apple fell off his head. Woods, close your eyes, probably. Woods has got his eye closed. Oh, he missed. I can't watch. He missed. I missed. Hey, Jay. Hey, Jay. No, no, keep going. Jay, I know this is going to be hard for you. Really try to hit the apple. I've tried. Seriously. Because I know Jay. Oh, God, it's pointed right at my face. Oh, he got it. He got it. He got it. He got the apple. Oh, that was great. Now this is going to be the dangerous part. This is dangerous. Now Woods is going to shoot. Oh, man. Jay, tell him how to aim that thing because you've had that. Aim high. Aim high. Because Jay's had that BB gun since he was like 12, which was 1644. There used to be like a little bayonet on the end. Jay, Jay, Jay. Wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop. Stop. Stop. I'm a little worried about something. Let me get a bite.

3:12:12Jay, Woods just took a bite of his burrito. I'm a little worried about something. Jay. Yes. Completely exposed neck. Can we put a t-shirt? Where am I exposed? Right here? Yeah. All of your entire neck is exposed, bro. Can we put... All right. He just tucked his t-shirt in. All right. That's better. He tucked his t-shirt under the helmet. Woods is pointing. He's pointing. Damn it. Oh, the apple fell off. It hit him on the visor right between the eyes. Woods. I know I did. But, Woods, aim high, Woods. You hit me right in the face where. Aim high. And you shot me in the face. Aim high. We're going to put this video on Facebook. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, Woods. Woods, Woods, Woods, do me a favor. Don't point that gun until the apple is on his head. His head is too round. All right, the apple's on his head. Did I get it? No, I didn't. Aim.

3:13:15Hi, you're hitting him in the face mask. Keep that dome of yours. Okay, here we go. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. He's hitting me in the face three times. Can I try? Can I try? Jay, last time. No. Shoot until I get this thing. Let me try. He hit the mask again. Let me try. Let me try. Let me try. Let me try. I'm going to try to aim high. It's real freaky. You guys, this is not target practice. You're supposed to be professionals. Go ahead, Jay. It's freaking them out. It's freaking them out. All right, we're done. You guys are no good. You guys are brave. Brave. They're beyond brave. Oh, my gosh. You guys are nuts. Darn it. That is the scariest bit. Oh, man. You guys are going to shoot each other in there. Let's make sure you don't get anybody fired. Hey, Mike, you're fired. Nah, you're hired. I'm just kidding. Nah, seriously, you're fired. I mean it. Let's see. Myself and the boys just now. Protecting myself. So from recaps today, listen to this. L.O.B. writes, she's got a friend back east that she was talking to on Facebook. And he was mentioning to her about the conversation that we had about lame family photos. Which is really funny because everybody's got them. From back in the day.

3:14:53And he was saying he was crying from laughing so hard about it. And the reason was because he just had a really bad foot in mouth experience. Now, if you've had a really bad foot in mouth experience, we want you to call 570-1949. But listen to what this dude did. So, OK, so he says that he had just started dating this girl and they had committed to one another. They are now boyfriend and girlfriend. They're laughing. They're having a good time. They're hanging out together. And he starts to go on and on about those people that do the family portraits with the matching outfits. Especially, he said, the ones with the white shirt, the tan pants. He remembers specifically thinking that he was being really funny. He was getting her. Oh, yeah. He was like, I was on a roll. She stayed kind of quiet. Well, they went to her parents' house for the first time two weeks later. And above.

3:15:59The mantle in a giant framed picture was not just her family, but her entire extended family. About 40 people. Giant portrait. On the beach, white shirt, tan pants. The entire family. And he had just told her what dorks. People that do that. Sorry, my pacemaker is going off. So if I have a heart attack. Calm down, Mike. Sorry. Settle down. I know you're excited. It's got me very excited. It's got me very excited. His face turned bright red, this guy. He's shaking her father's hand. And the picture's right behind the guy. He says, staring me back in the face is a life-size portrait of the entire extended family. Now. That is something you do not bring up till after you're married. You don't say, hey, by the way, I'm sorry. Just let it lie. Just let it lie. Don't say anything about it. Hope that she had enough cocktails that night that you first told her about it that she's not going to remember. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's petrifying. Yeah. I was, oh man, I don't know I've ever told you guys this. I was telling the story, which I have told the story.

3:17:27of my first massage my first massage was really embarrassing because the guy was certain that i was there as some kind of gay swinger and that i was looking to meet a single guy uh the reason i had never gotten a massage before called down to the hotel lobby and said i want to get a massage they said do you prefer male or female well my thought was i don't want a girl to see me naked because i'm fat you're fat Thank you. That was my inner child. And so I said, I'd never gotten a massage. And I said, male. Because if a guy sees me, oh, well. I'm in the lobby. And the guy comes out and says, Mike Esparza? As usual. Because no one ever says Esparza, right? Mike Esparza? And I stand up. And he genuinely looked.

3:18:28Confused. Like, this isn't what I expected. Little short guy. Little chubby short guy. Bald. Smelling of booze. White towel. Or white robe. Slightly sheepish. Slightly sheepish. Maybe slightly bicurious. Yeah. Now, I'm retelling this story to a couple of friends of Rebecca's and I. And the guy, the husband's name is Ron. And I go, I'm telling the story and they're laughing and we're all laughing. I'll go, let me tell you something. I will never forget this guy. I go, this guy is six feet tall. He's got the red hair, the red eyebrows, the red eyelashes, translucent skin, freckles, the red. All I can remember is, and the woman goes, like Ron.

3:19:27I didn't realize in the midst of my story, I'm describing this guy. Oh, gosh. I don't realize it. I'm so into the story. Yeah, Mike, you want to make a Ronald McDonald joke now? Whenever you're going with this? I'm like, and it wasn't that anything was really wrong with it, but I'm telling the story, and it would be like somebody's telling a story in front of me, and they're like, and he's Mexican and bald and short and fat, and Rebecca's like, like Mike. Just like Mike. Just like Mike. Identical Mikey. Yeah, and I'm just staring at the guy. Not that there's anything wrong. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Red hair. 570-1949-M1 short stack from North Park. I used to work in a cafe, and we always had regular. There was this one regular in particular that he would always order something weird, like something totally off the menu, kind of weird thing. So one day I told him, I said, wow, man, I hate to be your wife. And so I went back there, you know, laughing. And then my coworker told me, she says, you know, he's going through a divorce, right? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. All of a sudden he's questioning, why didn't I just eat like a normal bird? Idiot. And I have to keep seeing him. He's a regular, so he comes in all the time. So you go out there and you go, hey, listen.

3:20:54At the time that I said that, I didn't realize there's a woman that actually hates to be your wife. You know, I'll sleep with you just because I feel so bad. I feel so bad that there's actually a woman that hates to be your wife. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that is a great foot and mouth. Oh, yeah. Thank you for the call. You're welcome. Love you guys. Thank you. Love you. It's a time where you're talking to somebody and you just don't realize. comes out of your mouth, and the second it flies out of your mouth, you're like, oh, wow, I shouldn't have said that. I suffer from chronic foot and mouth disease. What did you do? I do it all the time, but a notable one is where I was babysitting for this couple, and it was always the woman that I dealt with, and then finally one time it was the guy, and she's in there getting ready, and I'm going on and on about my job because I work for a software company. And I'm like, you know, I just don't really mesh well with them. It's a bunch of engineers. You know how engineers can be, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then we get to what he does for a living, and he was a mechanical engineer. I was like, different, totally.

3:21:55Different type of engineer. Totally different. I meant like a railroad. Yeah, conductor. Yeah, conductor. They're so annoying. 570-1949. Tell us the time you put your foot in your mouth so bad it was the worst. And let's make some noise with our live studio audience that we have in here today. I think people are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time. You know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes. On FM 94.9. Welcome. Let me tell you this. If you are the type of person that has had a bad track record when it comes to credit, there is no annual contract and no credit check if you get the AT&T GoPhone Unlimited. And that's why the word unlimited, unlimited talk, unlimited text, unlimited web for just $50 a month on the nationwide network.

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3:30:07Designer jeans. And you don't skip on your teeth. Lauren. Yep. I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise. The Mikey Show Live that we have going on right now. We are asking our M1s to call in and tell us stories about their worst foot-in-mouth occasions. M1 Shane from Carlsbad. You there? Yeah, I'm here. What happened? Well, my wife's best friend, she got breast enlargement surgery done. Nice. She was kind of keeping it under wraps and was a little insecure about it. Well, we were at a birthday party, and my brother-in-law comes up to her and hadn't seen her for a while. He goes, hey, you look great. You look different. You know, your hair done or whatever. Well, I happened to be standing by, so I go, well, hey, she got new boobs. So needless to say. You knew that she had. Nobody else knew. Nobody had known. And did you know that nobody was supposed to know?

3:31:11Yeah, heads up. That's what you got to say. Give me a heads up. Why are you hiding them? What do you get them for if you're going to hide them? Yeah, let them flow, man. Let everybody touch them. Pop them out. Push them up. Yeah, let me see them. That was my point, too. I was like, show them off. Yeah. Bust them out. Thank you for the call. M1 Teresa from San Diego. Well, I was newly out of high school, and one of my old teachers came in. I was a checker at a grocery store. He came through the line. I heard he had divorced and had a new wife. So she's wearing this big moo-moo type thing. So I figured, hey, new wife, new baby. I said, well, congratulations. I'm a new baby. Oh, no. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't pregnant. Oh, my gosh. It doesn't matter how many times you tell people. It's going to happen. Just put the moratorium out there. Don't ever wish someone congrats on their pregnancy. Not even if the baby's arm is pressed again and you see the shoulder. Right. Don't. So many people have done it. Assume they're holding water. I think my brother did it to his boss. Oh. Yeah. That's bad. How did he do it? Same bit. Oh, congratulations. Oh, gosh. On what? Pregnant. What does that baby do? Yeah, not pregnant. Just fat.

3:32:33One time, Rebecca got congratulated on being pregnant. She wasn't pregnant. It was this Mexican guy. It was a bunch of Mexican guys that worked in this warehouse. The Mexican culture from Mexico is very, very different. This is what I mean. We had a nanny. No, no, no. It wasn't a nanny. We had a cleaning lady about four years ago from Mexico. She would say, to her sisters and her sisters would say to her and it wasn't anything bad it was actually kind of a good thing oh you're getting so fat and it was kind of a good thing because in mexico a lot of times if you were fat it meant that you were wealthy you had a good job you were a rancher you could afford it and you were fat and so to say to somebody oh you're getting so fat is kind of like well you know you must be a millionaire

3:33:35Maybe we move to Mexico. Yeah. Is that why you make frequent trips down? Yeah, because I'm a model down there. I'm a model. So anyway, this guy says to Rebecca, oh, you pregnant? And she goes, no. And he goes, but you got so fat? Oh, no. Stab me in the heart. She was like, are you kidding me? Oh, my God. She's at home just doing crunching. Yeah. And that was the thing. Like, she wasn't even really overweight at all. And the guy was like, oh, you got so fat. I'm like, oh, my God. Were you there? No, no. Oh, thank God. Maybe the translation was supposed to mean, oh, you lost so much weight. So good. 570-1949. M1 Christy from San Diego. Hey, guys. Hi. So I was at a bar once, and I was introduced to a friend, new boyfriend, who I'd never met before, and the bar was really crowded, and he had had a lot to drink. This guy was hammered. And I saw them again a couple weeks later, and I saw him, and I said, hey, man, last time I saw you, you were legless. And everybody looked at me and went, Chrissy, and I looked down, and he only had one leg. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. What? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That's the crowning.

3:34:57Yeah. I mean, you can't take any more calls. It doesn't get better. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable. Man, you were legless. He gave me a lot of... Of all the words I could have chosen, that was the one that I... Hammer, drunk, schnocker, you know. There's a million. You were legless. I went with legless, and he just looked at me, and I went, ha, ha, ha, there's that. He's like, you actually am legless. I am actually legless. Still am legless. Thank you for pointing it out. Still am. Wow. Hey, thanks for the call. Hey, take care, guys. Easy, peg leg. Oh, wow. New movies out. Fright Night. Spy Kids. And One Day, which, what is One Day? Don't know. And Conan the Barbarian. Conan the Barbarian. Which I want to see. Sorry. I do. I'm unapologetic. Are you? I am. How about the unapologetic racist Nivea ad that's running right now? And racist against black men. We'll tell you about it next. Let's make some noise in the studio right now. Summer might be ending, but at Vaughn's, it's a great time to start eating summertime favorites the Open Nature way. Open Nature is the affordable line of natural products that meet the highest standards for natural. There's Open Nature sausages and chicken, Open Nature ice cream and yogurt. Now you can eat all natural all the time. Try Open Nature only at Vaughn's.

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3:41:58The best days of summer are here. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties, and nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita and experience a taste so smooth it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2011. Imported and bottled by Three Blind. Norwalk, Connecticut. Under licensed from the trademark owner. Jose Cuervo Especial is a registered trademark of tequila. We know you want ultimate performance. So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Labor Day, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $299 a month plus tax. That's right, a new 2011 328i sedan for just $299 a month. or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above-average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance, you'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328i for only $2.99 a month during the ultimate performance event. Now through Labor Day at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. Maintenance plan, terms and conditions available. See store for details. Five of this offer, 36-month lease.

3:43:193062-plus tax, title, and license to its signing. Includes $7.50 lease cash, zero security deposit, 20 cents for access, mile over 30,000 miles. With above-average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer ends 9-5-11. PlayStation 3, the sweetest gaming console around, is now available at only $249. Now for only $249, you can get the biggest and best game. Plus, awesome features like Blu-ray, HD streaming movies, and free access to PlayStation Network. PlayStation 3, now only $249. Anytime you're ready... Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I buy it in, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM. Noise. I'm live. Our entire computer system went down during the commercial break. How crazy is that? The whole thing went down. Well, the good thing is that you don't get real freaked out about stuff like that. So that's a good thing. Well, you know what? I think it's worked to my advantage. Things have kind of done that, and so now I'm like, ah, I can deal with it. Good. Okay, a couple of things to tell you about.

3:45:06And then we will enjoy the weekend. Let's see. USS Gary is returning to San Diego today, which is good news. There's a kid that was causing vandalism in Vista. Caused $100,000 worth of damage in Vista. Nice. Just giving you a couple of the headlines that are out there. Oh, that J. Flubbs song again for you. Oh, that's too bad. Dang it. We'll do it Monday for sure. Yeah, we can do it again and again and again and again. You'll be sure to flub again. I know. All right, here is the Nivea ad that is under so much scrutiny right now. There is a Nivea ad that depicts a black dude. I'd play the yellow bee drop if I could. But this article was actually written by a black man. And here's what he says. Black men have had to deal with a lot of inextricable and damaging stereotypes. But the idea that we're savages who can't even be trusted to groom ourselves when the occasion calls for it is among the most offensive of them. That's the very idea supporting the new ad from Nivea, which encourages men of color to, quote, recivilize themselves and look like they give a damn.

3:46:31Well, here's the thing. They could say that about any dude. Yeah, but they didn't. Yeah, but, okay, if they said it about a dude, I mean, how about it isn't that he's a black guy, it's that he's a guy. He's a guy. Well, they're showing a black guy that looks very sharp, holding the severed head of another black man with a big kind of afro, big beard. That's the weird part for me. Now, if they have a white guy... With my bushy haircut in the guy's hand, I'm not going to be offended. But they're not calling me a savage. It's ridiculous. I personally feel like this is progress. The fact that you can do it says that you are not uptight. That the only way that you can even do it is because... It isn't a guy. It's just a black guy. I mean, it's a black guy, but it's just a guy. Just a guy. If it was a white guy, it would be a white guy with a scruffy beard and scruffy hair. Both of those models were, in fact, black men that signed up for the shoot. So what's the big whoop? But there's big whoop. There's always big whoop. I get the big whoop on this one. I do. Woodsy, anybody have anything going on this weekend that they would like to promote? I do.

3:47:46What do you got, Woodsy? Tonight is the Padres game. It's the Tony Hawk Foundation night. They're giving away Tony Hawk bobbleheads to the first 5,000 people. I'm going to be there hanging out. You know what I'll do? I'll put on my Facebook status the section I'm sitting in. If you want to come by and say hello, come by and say hello. I'd love to see you. And then the Semi-Pro Baseball League starts on Sunday at West Hill High at 1 p.m. The Tipsy Crows will take on the champion, Florida, the Marlins, San Diego Marlins. And I also want to welcome our newest member to the Tipsy Crows, Todd R. Farrar. How about that? Feast on that. I mean, Mike, I have something on the same level as the pay-to-play baseball league. I joined a knitting circle. Oh, good. And we will be commencing our first circle on Sunday. Oh, that's cool. Is that right? On Sunday, Chris is actually going to come over to my house and show me how to edit some movies that we shot of the kids on their birthday. Nice. It's different. This is a pay-to-play league that fans can and do come watch. There you go. Suck it. There you go. It's a good lead-in. Yeah. Now, at the end of the show on Friday, I like to tell you my story. My story is not different than a lot of people. And hopefully there is something from my story that you can get and will help you if you've ever been in a place of complete loneliness and desperation because that's where I've been.

3:49:11desperate because I was addicted to alcohol and couldn't stop and broke my dad's heart. Only saw my dad cry a few times in my lifetime, and that was one. The day that he had to tell me on a Sunday morning in his kitchen that he couldn't have a relationship with me any longer if I continued to drink. There are so many things that have happened as a result of my addiction that I'm very embarrassed of. I've driven when I... I shouldn't. I cried many, many tears of desperation. If there's anybody listening that has an addiction that no one knows about, I want to invite you to go to MikeyShow.com, and at the very top of the page, there's a section that says Help. And if you click on that, it'll give you all kinds of resources for depression, eating disorders, and addiction. I used to be very, very sad.

3:50:37I was always sad. Always, always felt different. I always felt like everybody else was way luckier than I was just because they were them and not me. If you've ever felt that way, I want to tell you what happened to me in 2003. My dad had told me he would not have a relationship with me anymore and I left angry. I left his house angry. And I went home and I drank. It just kept playing on my conscience. And eventually I knew that he was right. I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life. In 2005, in my father's office, I found something called the Living Bible. For the first time in my life, it was a Bible I understood. It's available on Amazon.com. I tell you my story because it took me out of that desperation and it took me out of that situation that I was in where I could never find happiness. Today, I'm truly happy.

3:51:56And if somebody that was as lonely and as pathetic as I was, was able to find happiness, you can too. I promise you that. MikeyShow.com. And at the top of the page, it says help. Click there if you want to get resources. At the end of the show, I play you a song that I really want you to listen to the words to. This is by a band called Red. And the song is called Pieces. And it is an exact story. of what life was like for me at the moment that I met God. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next and we'll see you again on Monday. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. The Mikey Show's out.