The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/19/10

2:19Happy birthday. It's not Woodsy's birthday. It was a month ago today. That's right. 11 more months to go. Yeah. I say happy birthday because some days, to me, feel like someone's birthday. Yep. I have no idea what. That doesn't even make sense. I said that to Woods this morning. You did. I said it's someone's birthday today. That's what I just felt like. Yeah. I felt like it was somebody's birthday. So we're missing somebody's birthday, then, is what you're telling me. Maybe. Somebody important. Yeah. I just know that August 19th sounds like something somebody would say when you go, hey, when's your birthday? Yeah. August 19th. Someone will always say that it's their birthday on a day. Yeah. On any given day. It's just that most days don't occur to me like that. I look at them and I go, oh, today's June 12th. And it doesn't really cry out to me. Today is someone's birthday. Okay. Even though it's millions of people's birthday, it doesn't really occur to me like, wow, that's very birthday sounding.

3:23Uh-oh, LLB. I don't know what happened. Oh, boy. The little earpiece came off of her headphones. Pull the woods. Is that common? Yeah, it happens to me all the time. Woodsy's very violent when he removes his headphones. Throw them down. Mm-hmm. Welcome to the show. It's a Mikey show, and you can call us right now, 570-1949, or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Five people on the Mikey Show. I'm the host, Mikey. I'm wearing a black t-shirt today. Woodsy is wearing a black FM 94.9 hoodie. He is our sports guy. And he's also a man about town. Depending on the town. Not this town, but some town. Yeah, some town, somewhere. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB.

4:23is the blonde girl sitting over there. She does not have the hair in the bun today. Nope. Could mean good news. Trying to let it loose. Yeah. Let it all hang out. Letting it all hang out. Letting your hair down. Wiling out. This is summer of LOB. That's right. You know? It's been more like the winter of LOB. Yeah, right? So far, I've stayed in 90% of weekends. There you go. It was gorgeous yesterday. That's right. Uh-huh. It was hot. I hated it. Yeah. Oh, I loved it. I was sweating. I thought, wow, it's a summer day. Really made for a toasty nap on the couch. Other than a chilly nap. Yeah. Sienna is our news girl. And Sienna will be with us today and tomorrow. And then she officially begins maternity leave. You want me to get? I don't want you to get. I want you to get on getting. Yeah. I'm out on you getting. Me too. I want you to get on getting. I'm out on that. I have to get the baby out, and then I'll be back. Get that baby out of you. And then I'll be feeling alive. Jay is our producer. He's 47. He's in the next room. Are we going to be there for the birth or anything? No, you're not. Not going to be in the delivery room? No, you're all invited to come. I thought we were family. Once the baby's out. Yeah. Jay will get the flip cam, make it right. I got it. Oh, no. She's already asked me to be there for the birth, so you guys don't be jealous. Yeah, Todd's out. Jay's in.

5:47That makes sense. EBW, Eskimo Blue Waters, will be joining us at 7.30 this morning, and I'll be playing you a piece of audio from her that's something else. I saw her downstairs this morning. You did? I got here at about 4.15, 4.20, and she's downstairs. Yeah, Judy Douche. Yeah, she didn't have a key card to get in. Weird. And I was like, listen, you don't work here. I can't let you in. She was. Furious. I bet she was. You didn't let her in. I didn't let her in. You left her outside. I left her outside because she's not an employee. Oh, boy. So I didn't want her roaming the halls while we were in here working. So I was like, you can't come in. Wandering around in her cowboy boots and her jeans and her straw hat. Just kicking rocks. Yeah. Smoked blast and fake cigs. Yeah. Pretending to smoke cigarettes. Fake blasting cigs. Yeah. Oh, gosh. She's a character. Yeah, her name's Judy Douche. She says it's douche, that it's pronounced douche. You look at it, though. D-O-U-C-H-E. That's how it's spelled. She claims there's a missing accent mark. Yeah. It's just not there, you know. Doesn't exist. Maybe it got lost at Ellis Island or something like that, you know. One of those kind of deals. Anyway, so she'll be in here this morning at 7.30. The word of the day today is a word that obviously plays a big role in my life. Yeah.

7:09Ready for the word of the day? The word of the day today, ladies and gentlemen, is... Word of the day is cologne. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Word of the day is cologne, and when you hear us use the word cologne in a sentence, when we try to cleverly work it into a sentence, you'll be caller number 9 at 570-190. Oh, wow. Hello. It doesn't count if we say Mikey's homemade man scent. That's right. What about, how many clones would you say you have? Well, we know. It was 60, was it 65? 65. That was probably two months ago. How many clones do you have now? No way. 69? Oh my gosh. 70? 69. You've bought five more? Four more?

8:0470? No. Mike, how many colognes does a man need? How many colognes does a married man need? I know. Cologne is not for somebody that's single. Cologne is for anybody. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you have 70 colognes. Whatever. And you eat sliced meat. We have Green Day tickets to give them a cricket wireless amphitheater. Easy for me to say. September 2nd. There you go. For the word of the day. That's a huge, huge prize. Yeah, that's rad. So when you hear us use the word cologne cleverly into a sentence, and you've got to really listen because, you know, I'm pretty good. Woodsy doesn't even notice when I do it. I never get them. No? Ever. So you have to be listening. When I cleverly work that into a sentence, then you will call us at 570-194-9, and caller number nine will win Green Day tickets. Is that what it is? Yes. And to clarify, you have to say it. Yeah. Yeah. All right, then. No. Because I think I just said it. I think we all just said it. I think we all just said it. Yeah. It has to be cleverly used in a sentence. By Mikey. When we're not talking about the word of the day. But you guys won't say it either. Well, I think we all were like, how many... C-O-L-O-G-N-E's. Yes. Does one man need? And then we went on and on and on. Yeah. I see the phone lines blowing up, so...

9:31You think that's why? I don't know. Mikey Show. Absolutely, that's why. Really? Can we not do that next time? Gracious. Hello? Did that count with the word? No. No, no, no. No, it didn't. Okay. No, you'll hear us use it in a sentence later on the show. Way to be quick, though, man. Way to be quick. Way to be listening. It'll be between now and 10. So get ready. Starting now. Mm-hmm. So what is the deal? with American Airlines, Sienna? Oh, they're finding more ways to charge us money, basically. There is a new fee for coach seats. What? No, not first class. No, not business class, but coach seats. If you want to sit at the front rows of the coach seats, you're going to have to pay a little bit more. What? This is no joke. I believe it. Really? Now, what is that about? Like, I want to get off the plane faster? You get on the plane faster. You're one of the first to board, and you get off the plane faster. And the fees start at $19 per flight, depending on how far up you are. In the coach seat. I'll pay it. Listen. I will, too. Really? Really? I'll be back in seat 32D by the toilet. These are called express seats now. Yeah, express.

10:45Mikey will pay it. It's very clear. I won't pay it. You won't? No. Listen, my thoughts on getting on and off that plane are that plane ain't leaving until we're all on it. So I don't really have a big hurry getting on. But don't you like to be situated? I really, you know, honestly, I'm going to get situated and we're not taking off until the last person on board is situated. But my new bit with traveling is I don't check bags anymore. Yeah. My new bit. And so if I'm 32D, I'm not getting a freaking spot for my bag. So I'll pay the $20 to get a spot for my bag. Because is there anything worse than the guy that's trying to get his stuff in? Sure, that won't fit. And you're like, no, no, no, it won't fit. And then they have to check it, and you're like, but I carried on, so I didn't have to check my bag. I'll pay the $20. I'll pay $1,000 to have it easy. Might as well be in first class, though. I know. It's ridiculous. So crazy. I mean, what else are they going to charge us for? That's why they do it. It's because they know that guys like me will be like, I'll pay it too. Fine, $20. It's just $20. I'll do it. Yeah. If you want a seat that has the little air over it where you can open up and get air ventilation, that'll be $40. Yeah. Oh, I was about to say, well, doesn't every seat have that? Yeah, they'll start charging you for it, please. Yeah.

12:03If you want a seatbelt, that's going to be extra too. You want a seatbelt. The window seats. They're going to start charging for the window seats. Yeah. I bet you they will. You can have this wonderful aisle seat, but it's got no oxygen mask. If you want a seat next to someone that you're traveling with, extra. Yeah, extra. What is it going to cost our children to fly? $3,000 to go from San Diego to Dallas? Probably. I bet by then there will be something invented that makes it really cheap to fly. Maybe they invent a time machine. Yeah. I'm on board. Hey, and you know the other funny thing about it is that all those that we just gave examples of, we were trying to be funny, there will be a day where they will charge you probably for carry-on. Oh, yeah. They don't now, but they probably will. It's the new thing, man, to gouge you as much as you can. I was doing my expense report last night from New Orleans, and I was looking at the hotel bill. I was like, okay, room is X. Then there's the phone fee, which I never even picked up the phone. It's the internet. $13. Yeah, $13 for internet. Then it's $9 a day for city tax. Then there's county tax. Then there's parish tax. Bed turndown service. Yeah, bed turndown service. I was like, oh my God. The chocolate on your pillow. Yeah. Yeah, everything. $17 for that chocolate. Just any way they can gouge you, they do. Because what's your alternative? You're captive. Once you need to fly somewhere, once you need to stay somewhere.

13:29You got to do it. I'm having my endoscopy today, so they're going to stick a camera with a little tube and they're going to stick it down my throat and find out if everything's good down in my stomach and everything. And so I can't eat. Oh, no. Yeah, I can't eat and I can't drink, although I broke that rule. Mike. You are not a rule breaker either. I'm not a rule breaker. Ever. I used Logic. With this, okay? Because I've had to do that a couple of times in the last couple of months. And so I use some logic with it. I've had some coffee, but I'm not going to eat anything. I'm not going to drink anything past this point. Aren't you? No, I'm not. But, man, do I want water. I really want water. I'm used to drinking it. It's the worst. And so, anyway, just letting people know what's happening. I'm going to be watching you like a hawk, my friend. No pills for you. I just need a sip. I just need a sip. No. You're not going to take your fish oil pills this morning. Couldn't take them the last five days. Have no idea what that has to do with an endoscopy. But they said you can't have fish oil pills.

14:34for five days before it. What is that? Did they really? Yeah. Oh, I just made those. No, you were right. For the last five days, I couldn't have fish oil. Do you take fish oil? Every morning, I take two capsules of it. I was kidding. So they said on theysaid.com, you should take fish oil. It's one of those things. Omega-3s. You know what it was? It was a shrink. Told me it's good for my brain. Keeps my brain nice and squishy. Maybe just take a multivitamin. I do both. Multivitamin and fish oil. And the doctor says, oh, wow, you're great. You're really doing. You're knocking it out of the park. I take nothing. Weird. The United States ended combat operations in Iraq. Yay! That's phenomenal. Yeah, nearly seven and a half years after the invasion of Iraq. March 2003, the last American combat troop drove out of the country yesterday. Actually, early this morning. Is that for real? Like, for good? Yeah, there's still some people there that are, you know, helping with their military over there and, you know, checking things out, making sure it's okay, but no more fighting, no more combat. I mean, some of the guys are going to have guns and stuff like that for protection, but... You know, McCain wanted us to have a base there forever. For at least another hundred years. Yeah. I mean, that's what we did in Japan. That's what we've done in a lot of places, you know? And he feels that...

15:57It's irresponsible for us to just leave. Irresponsible to the Iraqi people. That now what will happen since we're gone is that the Taliban will move in and they'll start torturing people and it's going to be, you know, bedlam. But we'll see. We'll see. Maybe he's wrong about that. There's still 50,000 about U.S. military personnel that are going to be in Iraq. Just, yeah, like I said, helping with the army, making sure they get on their feet over there. Yeah. There's some changes with Facebook. Yeah. And I am not on board with this. This freaks me out. What is it? And I mean, I'm sure they've looked into it. Let's hope. But Facebook has just introduced a new check in feature, which is called Facebook places. Basically. What it is, is you go on Facebook, you can click a little check-in button and tell people where you are. And the thing that they like about it is that your friends can find out where you are, you can find out if any of your friends are near you, maybe they're at the same place. So go to the check-in feature on Facebook. Maybe you call them. You know who else can find out where you are? James Gumm. Exactly. I know. When you're going to the grocery store. Isn't that kind of scary? And you put on maybe a few pounds, like myself. Sure.

17:11want to make a skin suit out of you, he can find you. Oh, look. Woods is over at Tasty Wraps. I'm over at the leather shop, so Tasty Wraps is 1.2 miles away, so if I drive my van right now and I use that cross street, oh yeah, now's the perfect time. Oh my gosh. Right? It's creepy. They do it with the GPS on your cell phone. Oh, hey, words. Hi, James. How are you? What are you doing here? Just getting some lunch. You are? Hey, listen. I just met you here. Just seeing you. I'm a big fan of the show. Hey. Could you give me a ride in my van? You have a couch sticking out the back. I also have a broken arm. Wow. Yeah, that is a little creepy, isn't it? Yeah, that's Facebook places if you're in on that. People in high school are going to do it. Like, oh, we're at this party, you know. Good way for moms and dads to keep tabs real good. Oh, yeah.

18:39Yeah, they do have that feature on Facebook, too. Twitter? Twitter, yeah. Yeah, there's like a Foursquare application, too, where you can sign in and become the mayor of a place. Yeah, that's the same. It says that the company planned to let Foursquare and Gowalla and other services enhance this Facebook thing, so I guess it's the same deal. You played with one of those, L.O.B., when you were in Australia. Oh, the Gowalla? That was pretty fun. Yeah, it was so cute. Those cute little animals that live in trees and eat bamboo leaves. They're so cute. Koalas. That's right. Good day, mate. Good day, mate. 5701949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Did you guys hear about this guy in San Diego that was a real genius pointing a laser at a chopper? Why, why do people continue to do this? So stupid. Basically, this guy, 20 years old, the reason he did it is because he wanted to see if the cops would come to his house. What? Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah. No, that's... I want to see if the answer is...

19:43Yes, they will. That's the moral of the story. This 20-year-old kid in Escondido, he was with a couple buddies in his backyard around a fire pit. This was in the afternoon, 2.35 a.m., I'm sorry. He sees a little laser, there's a helicopter up there, shines it. A few minutes later, knock, knock, knock. The cops, he's arrested and booked for investigation of felony discharging a laser at an aircraft. Wow. Wait, what kind of laser would he have? It's a laser pointer. It's it? And the helicopter saw it? Oh, yeah. It'll shine right into his eyes. Really? That far? The pilot's eyes. Oh, yeah. The police asked him, why did you do this? And he said, I just wanted to see if the police would show up. Yeah. Oh, my God. 2.35 in the morning. I'm sure he's up to no bad at all. They did that to the space shuttle in orbit. What? Oh. Oh, Lauren. Oh, wow.

20:44L.O.B. is the most gullible person. By far. By far. I thought that lasers would only reach from here to the wall. No. If you want to point out a PowerPoint presentation. They will point a long way. I don't know how far. Especially if it's dark out, you can see it. And they're signaling at it. They'll get you. I'm in trouble. Idiot. Let's see. How about this one? Did you hear about the bull? Have you seen the bull? Have you seen it? It's all over TV. But a bull in Spain... jumped into the audience and started stampeding. I put this on my blog today. You did? Because I've been to a bullfight before in Spain, and I've said, you know, it's sad what happens to the bull, but it's their culture. It's something they've done. And I think now, after seeing this video, I'm completely out on it. Really? Bullfighting. Really? This bull's in the ring, and he's going nuts. He attempts to jump over the fencing a couple times, but he's pretty calm. He's not freaking out. And then, as they were about to...

21:45move him from the ring. He jumps again, gets over the ring, and is now in the crowd where people and children are sitting, running through the stands, knocking people over. About 40 people, more than 40 people, were injured, taking to the hospital. Luckily, no one died, but a young kid, the bull landed on him. Some crazy stuff happened. Even the bull lost one of its horns jumping through. Really? Yeah, and then they caught the bull eventually, and they killed him. They got to put him down. Yeah. It's ridiculous. But it was, oh my gosh, just watching it and people running and the bull just doesn't know what's going on. And it's, oh, it was so sad. Bulls and animals just trying to get away from it. Yeah, I mean, it's not his fault. I've seen before on like those crazy things caught on tape. I've seen them do that. You know, it's happened before. And, you know, it's dangerous. This is the craziest video. I mean, ever. You need to look at this. It's like. It's so sad. Yeah, yeah. Brace my heart. Woods is so out on the idea of the bullfighting, right? Yeah, man. It's, you know, for entertainment purposes. Come on. You haven't seen this yet, Mike? Dogfighting. You know what I mean?

22:58I just saw a little bit of it when he first jumps into the crowd. I didn't see him rip his horn off and all that stuff. Oh, ouch. Poor thing. Yeah, no, I believe he ripped the horn off one of his first tries trying to jump out. And then once he got over, the horn was already off. And oh my gosh, he just looks so confused. And he's running and knocking people over. And everyone's screaming. Yeah. I mean. People grabbing their kids. Terrible. I'm trying to get to it to show you, but of course there's a commercial on this stupid video. I just put it up on the Mikey Show page. Oh, cool. Hey, don't forget, today's word of the day is cologne. When you hear that worked into a sentence cleverly, 570-1949. And Green Day tickets. Pretty good prize. Today, you get to go see Green Day at Cricket Wireless. My voice is a little messed up. If I can't drink the water, you know. The ah-wah. Ah-wah. That's what happens. So you're going to have a scratchy Mikey today. But we're going to do it up. Hey, how about this? One of the Charger holdouts met with A.J. Smith yesterday, general manager of the Chargers. Was it Vincent Jackson or was it Marcus McNeil? Woods is going to tell you next in Woods on Sports. That's a good song. Welcome back to Mikey's Show.

25:08And Woodsy's going to be telling you about which Charger holdout met with General Manager A.J. Smith yesterday in just a second. So stick around. We'll be doing that in just a minute. Also, 7.30 this morning, Eskimo Blue Waters will be in the studio with us. I guess telling us about what she's up to. She's a local musician. Is she? That's a thing. Is she? She doesn't really play any big gigs, but, you know, she's trying to get her start. She's out there sweating, man. She's out in it. She can be a little pushy, though. Yeah, a little bit. A little pushy. And the gigs that she plays, you know, if I were her manager, you know, I'm not her manager, but if I were her manager, maybe I'd say, you know, maybe we let this one go. Maybe we don't do this one. She's a, what you call, shameless self-promoter. Shameless. Shameless.

26:07And so that will be in a little bit. Apparently this green algae that's been out in the ocean is lingering around. It's been here for over a week and it's not getting any better. If you've seen the ocean any time recently, I mean, it is green and slimy. It gets on people. Like you can see it on you. I got an ear infection. I want to know if it's the algae. Oh my gosh. Well, there haven't been any reports of anyone getting sick or irritated from it. So that's... The good news, I mean, hopefully that's not what's causing your ear to hurt. But, yeah, it's not going away. So they're saying, you know, it's not going to hurt you. It's called tetraselmus. That's right. That's absolutely right. Good morning. Oh, wow. Oh, dear. Oh, my gosh. What is going on? It's Dave Matthews. Knocked everything over. What are you doing, Dave? That's inaccurate. Sienna, that story, the whole thing is wrong. Why? It's not algae. It isn't algae? No. What is it? I went number three. No, you didn't. Dave Matthews. Dude, I was in the ocean. I went down yesterday. Close your rope. I went down. Tie that. Under the waist. There you go. I went down to the beach with Garrett, our program director, yesterday. It's still.

27:27It's still. Oh, it's fine. No, please. Quit looking at my. Apparently it's cold in here. There. Apparently it's cold in here. Yes. Apparently it's cold in here. That's the third time you guys have said that. Must be an igloo in here, apparently. I went to the beach yesterday. I saw a shark. What? And I went number three. You did not. And that's what it is. That's what it is. Dave, I said that the algae's been in the water for over a week. I went a week ago. Really? Yeah, me and Garrett went. Our program director. Yeah. You guys hang out? Serve. First of all, I know that's a lie, and I can tell you it's a lie because he's been out of town. Yeah, he just got back yesterday. Yeah, he just got back. I know, he was at the beach with me for a week. Is that right? I went number three in the ocean. No, you already said that. Don't say it again. That's why. It's green. Great, great. Great, Dave. Maybe just sleep a little bit more. Dave. I wrote a song, man. I was on my board, and I saw... A 29-foot great white shark. 29-footer. Were you in La Jolla? I was. Because that's where it was spotted. I was. Yeah, not a 29-footer. That's a yacht. They're saying about 15 to 20 feet. I was there, and I'm fed up. Did you eat any fungus before you went out there? Careful with your guitar there. I didn't. I smoked a little bit. He almost fell over. That was why he smoked. I'm tired of it, man. The ocean is ours. It's the people, not the animals. Yeah. You know? Where are they supposed to live?

28:54It's not my problem. That's not my problem. But I wrote a little song to the great wife that I saw yesterday. What is it? His name is Bilbo. That's what I named him. His name is Bilbo. You named the shark Bilbo like Bilbo Baggins from the Lord of the Rings. Whatever. I've never seen that. This is the song I wrote to Bilbo. Are you ready? Let's hear it. Why aren't you going back out to sea? Mr. Great White Shark. Maybe you kick rocks out in the ocean. Don't feast on me. Please, please, please, please, please. I am no Shark Week fan. I am not dinner. That's good. I like it. I like it. Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. I like it. Absolutely gorgeous. He got some woods-isms in there as well. Yeah.

30:18I'm a big fan of the kids. Yeah. I'm sure you are. That was pretty good, Dave. Super talented. That was pretty good. This is Dave Matthews, everybody. He's a fun guy. Going back to bed. Can I have these? Yeah, sure. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Brett Favre is back. It is official. Mm-hmm. Official. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It is official. He was in uniform. He was practicing. It's official for now. It's official. Until he retires again. It's official for this year. It's so funny because you go, dude, nothing, nothing changed. You know, why did you say anything? You're back? It's like nothing happened. You know why? He doesn't like training camp. He doesn't like training camp. He doesn't want to work. Yeah, he doesn't want to go to training camp. Yep. So why not just say, listen, we've made an arrangement. Yeah. We've made an arrangement. I've got a special deal. It's a special thing where, you know, the guy's 74 years old and we've told him that he can now stay home until the end of training camp and just start whenever he wants to. Yep. And he, you know, they came one pass basically away from the Super Bowl last year and he wanted another taste. So here he is talking about it, cut one. The things that I was hearing and the letters that I was reading.

31:38The billboards that I was passing, I just felt like I owe it to this organization to give it one more try. One more try. And you know the one thing I thought about, because I watched some of the Vikings, I saw some highlights from the Vikings last week. Both of their quarterbacks, Tavares Jackson and Sage Rosenfeld, played good. They played very well. And so now these two guys that were battling for a starting job are like... That stinks. It stinks. Actually, and so they asked the coach, Brad Childress, about that cut, too. Those guys are disappointed, surely. Tavares had a great training camp. Sage obviously played very well the other night. They got a good relationship with this guy, too. We'll just see how it goes forward. You know, every time he talks, it's almost as if he's choking back a cry. Those guys are disappointed, surely. Tavares had a great training camp. Sage obviously played very well the other night.

32:38They got a good relationship with this guy, too, and we'll just see how it goes forward. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. You think that guy's ever had a Budweiser? Absolutely. Fresh. Ice cold. Also, well, we talked a little bit about it in the open, so hold out. Left tackle Marcus McNeil, he met with AJ yesterday. Good. The reports are... They don't know. They don't know if it was productive, if it wasn't. But you've got to think, if they're sitting down and at least having some dialogue, that's a good thing. Matt, what they have said is they have threatened to place him on the roster exempt list. And what that means is he faces a three-game suspension. Even if he doesn't sign by the deadline, and then he signs later, he's still going to sit three games. Oh, wow. So, dude. Get on the field. Yeah, please. Get on the field. Get it done, man. That guy's a key, key cog in that wheel. Yeah, he is. Also, the Chargers play again this weekend at Qualcomm against the Dallas Cowboys. Game time is at 6 p.m. Now, it's looking like another blackout. No. For now. But the NFL has granted the Chargers a 24-hour extension to lift that blackout. Really? So what I read was there's about 1,000 seats left. Yeah. That's it? That's it. Yeah.

33:54We can do this. Maybe we make that right. Yeah. Do as I say, not as I do. Right. I'm not going to go, but I think you should. I think you guys should get out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you should go. And so please buy a ticket and buy two tickets and go. I would if I were here. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be out of town. That's why I'm not going. Also, Padres. Win again. Sweet. Win again over the Cubs. Five to one. That's three straight at Wrigley Field. Four in a row. It was their 72nd win of the season. Now, do you know what Vegas oddsmakers picked them? They picked their ceiling this year. Yeah. 71 and a half games. No way. They've already beat the Vegas oddmakers. Wow. 72 wins. Bud Black, they asked him, man, how are you guys doing this? Cut three. We're getting good pitching performances. We're playing good defense. We're pushing some runs across. and when you hold the opposition down, you always have a chance to win. Are they playing I Got a Feeling? Yes! Every time! It's his favorite song. Baseball players are very superstitious, so maybe after a win, that's what they bump in there. But it's like every time. They're superstitious. Superstitious, man. I know I am. So yeah, it was a big win for them, and Matt Latos goes again today looking for the sweep of the Cubs in Chicago. That is...

35:06Very, very cool, and that's Woods on Sports, buddy. All right, so the panel, here's what it is. We talk about some of the big things that are happening, and we get 20 seconds to talk about it. We is Woods, L-O-B, and me. So today, the big one is grilled chicken at KFC. Well, we know about a year ago KFC introduced grilled chicken. Now, what does KFC stand for? Kentucky Fried Chicken. Exactly. Although I thought they had to stop calling themselves that. This could be just an urban legend. I thought that's why they had to go by KFC because some of their stuff wasn't actually chicken because it was so modified chemically. That's beyond my knowledge anyway. I've never heard that. Could be an urban legend. I've driven into KFC recently. I do love me some KFC. Maybe we hit that. I'm pretty sure it said KFC on it. Maybe I had KFC this last weekend. Mashed potatoes? Yeah. Gravy? Yeah. Biscuit? You don't even like a biscuit. I'm a biscuit guy. Oh, baked beans. That's too bad. The whole deal is so good. Yeah, I love the whole thing. The place kicks ass. My dad got half grilled and my dad got us dinner. He got half grilled and half fried and I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, I grilled. Did you try the grilled? Yeah. I haven't tried it yet.

36:17I've tried it. It's like grilled chicken, man. It's like grilled chicken. You want fried chicken. That's why, in my opinion, the reason you go to KFC is because you want that fried chicken. You want the F. Yeah, you want the F part. You want the F. Yeah. You're like most of the world because that's become a problem since they've introduced Kentucky grilled chicken. Mm-hmm. You go to KFC not to be healthy, okay? Right. You go to KFC to be fat. Right. Yes, you do. Yeah, you do. So sales have dropped since they introduced the grilled chicken part of the campaign. And now KFC's parent company, Yum Brands, some of the franchise owners are suing Yum Brands to regain control of KFC's advertising strategy again. Because ever since the grilled chicken, they've gone way down. I'll tell you, it had to start with one person. Yeah. One guy, one girl. You know, it was a guy or a girl at the big maca macas at the advertising agency or whatever said, I have an idea. You know, we're living in a culture now that puts a lot of emphasis on how we look, blah, blah, blah. Why don't we do grilled chicken? And somebody said, yeah, that's a good idea. And somebody else said, I don't know, though. You know, we're kind of known for our fried food. I mean, after all, it is KFC.

37:31And they knocked it around a little while, sitting at a boardroom table, and finally somebody green-lighted that garbage. I know. You think it's more about people talking about how we look or the fact that heart disease is, like, the number one? All of it. All of it. Health, health, health. It was all about health. Mm-hmm. Always is. They gave it away, you know. Oh, yeah. They gave it away for free. They gave it away for free. Gave what away? The grilled chicken when they first started. Yeah, they had these big coupons and stuff. To give away the package, it was like grilled chicken, two sides and a drink or something. It was insane. So people were going there and they were selling out. And that was the start of what caused them to lose money because people would go and then they didn't have it. And people were like, screw this. I want fried chicken anyway. Well, their strategy was as well. Listen, if you just try it, you'll love it. Just so we'll give it to you. You'll like it and then you'll come back. I want fried chicken. In fact, fried chicken may be my one. It may be my favorite food item. It's up there. What would happen if you're having a Super Bowl party, Mike? Yeah. Woods is like, hey man, brought some food. Went to KFC. I got you some grilled chicken. Guys, it'd look like a balloon that got a pin stuck in it. Yeah. What would you say to him? I would go, really? Really? It's a fried chicken? There's a grilled chicken? Your eyes would light up because you would see that magical KFC bucket. Oh, yeah. And then you would open it and you'd be like, wah, wah, wah.

38:53I've told you this story before that my family has a history of being very overweight, okay? Weird. Weird. It was always my fattest relatives that would go, we've got to quit eating this butter. You know, why butter? You should have light butter. You should have this. You should have that. And I'm like, really? Do you? One of the fattest people. That's how it works. It was always, oh my gosh. Why are we eating blah, blah, blah? Are you kidding? We shouldn't be eating that. It should be. 100% accurate. We don't need all this. It was always those. Like at Thanksgiving? Yes. Did you put butter? You know you can use oil. It's a lot better. Yes. Oh, yeah.

39:45You know you can use turkey. You know you can use turkey instead. Have you tried Splenda? You know what I would do? I would just feel guilty. They would do it and I would feel guilty. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. It's only now that I look back on it and go, it was always the chubbiest. It was always the chubbiest relative that said that. Now you know. Just give them an easy chub. Yeah. Easy chub. Yeah, it's an easy chub. I'm telling you. It's true. You can't. It's your family. That is so true, Mike. Oh my God. It drives me crazy. Maybe zip your lip. You know who the healthy, listen, there are plenty of healthy people that will indulge every once in a while. L.O.B., I mean, she doesn't like meat, but L.O.B. She went to Wendy's? Yeah. I mean, every once in a while she'll indulge a hamburger, she'll indulge a turkey burger, you know. It's just not, you know, you're supposed to eat it every day, but KFC tastes so good. Anyway, we just did the panel. That was it. Oh, I wasn't saying anything. I was saving my punchline. Well, then here, Woods, what do you think about grilled chicken? Well, you know, hey, I don't have a problem with it because if I go to KFC, I'm going to get fried chicken. That's what I'm getting. So it's nice, you know, people have an option. But, dude, I'm going to feast on four drumsticks and one breast. Weird. I like the breast. I love the breast. Right. Wood's saying it. Yeah. L.O.B. Well, I've never been to, I've been in a KFC. I've never eaten at a KFC. Holy cow. So I was going to say maybe now.

41:10I would try it, but I don't think they're going to change their whole entire business plan over one healthy chick like me. Whatever. It's so good. Be fat if you want to be fat. That's right. Yeah, feast if you like to. And I've already told you, I like fried chicken when you want. I've got to take you to this place back home, Mike. Yeah. I love fried chicken. I make great fried chicken. Do you really? Oh, yeah. Maybe make that right. I would. I absolutely would. Yeah, I will. I don't like skin on chicken. That's the problem for me. I know everyone's like, can I have your skin? I'm like, that's foul. Literally. When it's crunchy, salty. Do you like original or do you like the crunchy? I like extra crispy. Extra crispy. Amazing. And it's not crispy enough. No. Listen. What about when the grilled chicken is made and then the skin is just like all filmy? L.O.B. If you saw what I do to a drumstick, you would want to get sick. I clean it down to just a little brown bone. I eat the white cartilage with my molars.

42:25Crunch it up. Ligaments, the whole thing. My molars. It looks like someone put that bone in bleach for a week when I'm done with it. Oh my God. You eat the bottom nub, I nibble all the stuff off the bottom nub. Everything is gone. All that's left is just that bone. Does it make you feel kind of like Jeffrey Dahmer or something? Yes. I don't know. No. Well, no. It doesn't make me feel like a cannibal, but it does make me feel like a meat eater. And you're on the bone like, oh, there's nothing that grows me out more than eating things off the bone. The meat just comes right off the bone and you're like, oh, wow, this was effortless. Someone cuts it off. Sure, I'll go ahead and eat it. But like gnawing on it, like. Same with ribs. Man style. Yeah. A big turkey leg at the fair. Oh, my gosh. Just tearing it off with your teeth. I'm starving. Even when I have wings, like I'll go and I'll indulge in wings. There'll be like a thick like layer around. I don't get close to the bone. I don't do that either. I can't do it. I've actually had wings with L.O.B. And I look at her plate when she's done and I'm like.

43:31I could have a whole meal out of what's left. It's a half-eaten week. It is. It is. Tell everybody, Sienna, about this BBC weatherman. Okay, now this video is all over the place right now. You may have seen it on the news, but this guy, his name is Thomas Schaffernacher. I just wanted to say his last name. Schaffernacher? Schaffernacher. Oh, wow. Yeah. He was about to start his weather, and before the news anchor was introducing him, he made a little joke saying, oh, here's the weather guy. His weather is always 100% accurate since we know no weather is ever 100% accurate at all. And so the weather guy gives the news guy the finger. That's amazing. Yeah. Doesn't know he's on camera yet when the weather guy does this. So you get video of the weather guy, and they're joking around. They're buddies, you know. Flipping them off. Just having a great time. Yeah, having a great time. It's going to be cracking up all the time. It's just a good time. It's a party in there, you know? So the BBC had to issue an apology for the actions of the weatherman. The weatherman even apologized on their website. And basically he just said, you know, I'm sorry for the gesture. I didn't know. I was on camera. I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong. Yeah. These things happen. We've seen them happen before. Woods, when that happens, should somebody get fired for it or be disciplined? Dude, no. Come on. Yeah. Come on.

44:45A lot of people think that they should. I think it's funny. Do we ever blow stuff out of proportion these days? I mean, it's his buddy. They work together. I've thrown the bird at you guys before, and I wouldn't expect to be fired. But granted, I'm not on TV. Right. Let's see. L.O.B. No, I don't think you should be fired. I think it's really weird that we made the middle finger even mean something. And in the U.K., they'll show nipples on TV. So what's the big deal of a finger? That's true. That's true. Let's see. I think, you know who that... Really? I don't think you should be fired. I mean, I think when something like that happens, you say that you're sorry, and you apologize if you offended anybody. But I also say, hey, maybe don't flip people off when you're in that room, and then you won't get in trouble. It's like what we say, the popes in the room. Because I curse. I curse a lot, and I try not to curse. And so we always say, hey, the Pope's in the room, even though I do anyway, like an idiot. Yeah. Dane Cook had this one thing back when he was funny, and he said he had a bit that was like, who invented the middle finger anyway? There was someone that was just so mad that they were like, ugh! Ugh! Ah! Like, invents things like that. Yeah, he had a whole tour where he did.

46:08I forget which fingers it were, and he made them mean something. Suck on my back! He was throwing out other options. Look how long my middle finger is. Ready? That is long. Isn't that long? That's freaky, actually. Weird. We got a phone call. Okay. Hello? Oh, no. Captain Buzzkill. It is Captain Buzzkill. What's up? What's the matter now? Am I in the air? Yeah, you're in the air. Well, I think it's really inappropriate that a man would go on television and give someone the finger. And I think that it's really inappropriate that anybody would say that he shouldn't lose his job. He didn't know he was on camera. Yeah, he didn't know. It was an accident. Accident or not, young people are watching television. And what sort of a thing do you think that says that he's doing that? And furthermore... What do you think it says to people when Woods and L.O.B. and Mikey say that he shouldn't lose his job? That only further makes the point to children. Stop breathing so loud in the phone. Where's your sense of humor?

47:28Captain Buzzkill. I do have a sense of humor over things that are funny, like Gallagher and things like that. Gallagher. But it's not very funny to have a person on weather clipping off people. It was an accident. Can't we just practice forgiveness? No, no, no, no. An accident is when somebody's in a car and they do something. That's an accident. That's a car accident. Like a car accident. But he deliberately used his finger in a rude gesture. You've never flipped anybody off? No, never. I wouldn't do that. I bet you're flipping me off right now. No, I'm not, and I think that it's rude. I didn't do that, Captain Buzzkill. I wasn't trying to say that people should flip people off. In fact, I made the point that it's wrong. I said that it was wrong. I don't think that we should go as far as to fire them. No. That's why you should be fired. Oh, God. I'm going to go on Facebook. And I'm going to start a campaign that says, get Mikey fired. Don't do that, Captain Buskill. Yeah, get in line, pal. So wrong. Maybe you get Captain Buskill. Maybe I'll give you the belt. Captain Buskill. Maybe you'd null out a little. Why is he always so out of breath? He breathes. So loud. He gets himself so worked up. So this audio that I have for you is so great.

48:59Julia Roberts has some new movie coming out that you couldn't pay me enough to see. Eat, Pray, Love, it's out. Couldn't pay me enough to see. Zero percent. And she was doing a, I guess recently, she was in Japan doing a press junket. And while she was there, she was asked a question by a reporter. And this reporter was... I guess it was a female reporter, and I guess she just wasn't prepared. And she asked this question that no one understands. Like, what's the question? And it's so uncomfortable as this person tries to dig themselves out of it. And Julia Roberts even says, I'm trying to help you here, but it's so uncomfortable. We'll play the audio next. How can you not like that song? I want to put on some mirrored Kanye glasses, nice shirt, spray some cologne on and go to a club and dance. Right now. I'm going to. I didn't want to do that right now. All dancing. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. That's Sienna. And that is Jay over in the next room. 7.30 this morning. Eskimo Blue Waters, otherwise known as EBW, will be in the studio.

50:55She's counting on the window right now. She's counting on the window. She's a strong girl. I'm always afraid she's going to break it. So am I. She is very impatient. If we say that she's going to be on at 7.30 and she comes on at 7.40, you hear about it. You're a dead man. She lets you know. She's used to her gigs starting exactly on time, I guess. I guess so. So anyway, she'll be in here. Well, when there's no audience, you can pretty much start your gig whenever you want to. You can always be on time. Not really waiting for people to file in. So this is pretty good. Julia Roberts is doing a press junket for a chick flick that she's in. And she's in Japan. And she's there with one of the producers of the film. And they're doing an interview in front of all the press. When you have a press junket like that, everybody's really allowed to go if you're in any kind of press. You could be from a college newspaper. And if you get press credentials, if you can get them, you're allowed in. You can ask questions. And so here's what happened. Now the Japanese person translating for all the Japanese people that are there. The question, the question again, in making this movie, what were your thoughts on being an American woman?

52:41Wow, it takes a long time. It sure does. Oh, gosh. This woman is so nervous. We're going to make another last question. This won't go well. I'm nervous. Wow. What do we feel about being American women traveling in different countries? Just say yes. I keep trying to bail you out, and you keep going right back in. Oh, wow. Because I say something, and you go, or, and then you say something I can't at least do. Ooh, ooh, kind of mean, kind of mean, kind of mean, kind of mean. Yeah, but, like, what are you asking, chick? I mean, you obviously know the girl's nervous. Yeah, but if Julia Roberts is saying, do you mean this? Just say yes! By the way, I agree. Girl is clearly nervous. But I don't know that that girl...

54:12knew what she was going to ask. I know. She was like, holy crap, I'm talking one-on-one to Julia Roberts. Yeah, maybe have a question. Yeah, have your stuff prepared. Maybe be prepared, yeah. Oh, boy. What have you noticed about being a woman? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, traveling to different countries, perspectives. She did it again. You didn't replay the clip. That's her continuing, right? Yeah. Just letting this sucker play out. Is you're cute? My thoughts are you're cute. I appreciate that. I think it's the middle of the night right now. So I'm going to let you handle this. Like a good producer, I turn to her whenever.

55:11Ms. Roberts is befuddled by question. Ms. Roberts thinks that the question was odd and doesn't understand it. She has asked for her to rephrase it, but she said it the exact same way again. So now Ms. Roberts is upset. Has deferred. Okay, I'm going to take a shot. It may not be at all what you're looking for, but it comes with great. I think if we strip away a lot, it's worth that. I love traveling. I don't know. Oh, my God. That's great. Wow. One star in Rolling Stone magazine, by the way. That movie? Well, it's a total chick flick. What? There's...

56:35plenty of chick flicks that get more than one star. I think it's called Eat, Pray, Love. It was a huge bestseller. And I didn't read it just because of how many women told me I should read it. I'm like, it's a bit. Sold more than nine copies. I'm out. If it's popular, I'm going to go the other way. I need it to be independent. M1 Nathaniel from Golden Hill. What was the word of the day? Nathaniel. Oh, sorry, Nathaniel. Are you there? Hi. What was the word of the day? That is correct. I Was playing Hey, yeah by outcast and I said, oh man, this is good I want to put on a some mirrored Kanye glasses put on a nice shirt put spray on some cologne I heard the Kanye part, but then I was like dropping my booty. Yeah Yeah

57:32So, Nathaniel, congratulations. You won tickets to Green Day. That's huge. At Cricket Wireless just for hearing the word of the day. Good job. Well done. Hang on the line, will you? All right. There it is. Did you hear about the dude in London that was trying to break into a place but got his butt stuck in the window? Yeah, brilliant 36-year-old Paul Keenan tried to break into someone's house. The person was home sleeping. It was early in the morning. Tried to squeeze through a small window, measured 12 inches by 8 inches. Right. He got stuck. The butt couldn't make it through. Firefighters had to come, cut open the window frame to remove him. And then take him to jail. Yeah, once the person that lived in the house woke up and saw this guy hanging out of the window. He couldn't get out. He couldn't get in. He was stuck. Yeah. Oh, boy. Here's what it sounded like. A spoonful of sugar. makes the medicine go down. Sorry, it helps the medicine go down. Sorry to bother you. I'm stuck here in your window as trying to rob a piece. Yes, I see that bum. Yes, it's stuck quite firmly actually. Yes, that's one way to put it. Yes, and it's quite a tight squeeze. Oh, absolutely. It's a rather large bum. Yes, it is. I was wondering, could I borrow...

58:47bother you to use your Tilly? Oh, not a problem. Or your mobile, either one. I do have some minutes on my mobile, so how about go ahead and use that one. Perfect. Do you have any castor oil or margarine? I believe I have some Murphy's oil. Would that be suitable? If it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience for you, if you could just rub that along the bottom. Just right here? Yes, right there, right there. On the sides here? It's still a bit tight. Oh, that is what she said. All right, well, I tell you what, maybe we call the Majesty's Services and they come down and help me to retrieve my... That sounds amazing. We will do that. And then because you've been so delightful, dear, perhaps I only take half your things. Okay, that sounds fair from a criminal and everything. From a criminal perspective. Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. Fair enough. You got it. That's exactly what it sounded like. Gosh, the British people are so polite. They're very polite. It's really nice of me. I'm going to have to take happier things. 570-1949 is our number. Or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Today is the second to last day that we will have.

59:59Sienna in the studio with us. I'll be back. She is going on maternity leave on Friday. Tomorrow. I know. I'm getting sad. It's crazy. Sad and excited. Excited, right? Yeah, but it's like, oh my gosh, I'm leaving what I know and I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. Well, we were like talking yesterday while we were all emailing back and forth about like, okay, are we going to like try and do Sienna's part and do like a dry run? We're like, well, we'll just do it on Monday, like after she's gone. And I was like, Wow, that's going to be really weird. I haven't really thought about the fact that it's just going to be the three of us in here. Don't have any fun without me. That's one rule. I'll do your voice. People will think you're still here. What, Mike? How low maintenance.

1:00:50Has Sienna been? She's a hero. She has been. Dude, she beats everybody in here every day. Every day I pull up, I'm like, ooh, I'm early. Sienna's car sitting there. I'm like, gosh, she gets me every day. She doesn't complain at all. Doesn't complain. Does her job. She's a freaking pro, man. I definitely complain at home. You guys are being really nice. I definitely complain. My wife didn't complain very much either. Well, she's been. Strong woman. Both of them. Strong women. Maybe it's been bad. What? Come again? Mikey, you're out of your gourd. I'm just saying. Did you just say maybe it's a bit? Wait, you don't complain. What, that women complain a lot when they're pregnant? My wife didn't complain either. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe what's a bit? Complaining. Complaining? Like women being uncomfortable when they're pregnant? Oh my God. Maybe they get a little extra back rubs. You're crazy. A little foot rub, baby. A little foot rub. Kim didn't complain either, but I could tell it was a giant burden on her. Well, if you complain, it just further reminds you of it. It's like, keep saying it hurts, then that's all you can think about. Imagine kicks in your ribs constantly and someone pushing against your bladder constantly. Sienna's been in here with a smile every day. Never said a word about it. Because she's not a complainer. She's a sweetheart. Yeah, she's a sweetheart, but she's in pain. She's in pain every day. She can't sleep. She doesn't really complain, though.

1:02:19I had to leave the meeting early yesterday, though, because if I was really not a complainer, I would have stayed through the whole thing, but I don't sleep. I mean, it's uncomfortable. Now it's really uncomfortable. You only have to be on to something here. Stop it, you guys! Guys have to get vasectomies. What? Nobody has to get a vasectomy. If a vasectomy is going to be had, the guy has to do it. Yeah, but if a hysterectomy is going to be had, that's a lot more invasive and painful. That's true. My point is that guys have to go through tough stuff. They don't have to. Did you seriously just compare being pregnant for nine months to a quick little procedure? You've never had a kid. Women have to push out. Shut up. I've seen four come into the world. You've never had a baby. You don't know what it's like. You know what? You don't know what it's like. I've never had a baby, but I've got sisters and friends. Well, a sister that's had a baby and friends that have had a baby, and it's not a bit. Were they complaining? They weren't complaining. They were telling me how it is. Imagine carrying around that extra weight all day, every day. You're telling me.

1:03:29But it's all in the front, too. And your boobs get big. I know. I'm carrying three babies up front. Are you kidding me? Yeah, she is. Woodsy's showing his belly off right now. Rubbing it. Look at your belly. Wow. That's quite a belly. Yeah. Oh, wow. You don't hear a word out of me. But a child weighs more, and there's movements in there, pushing against the bladder, kicks in the ribs. All right. Everything. Hormones. The whole bit. Oh, yeah. Boobs grow. The whole bit. You guys. I know. Rebecca never complained. She was carrying twins. She did great, man. That's why, you know. She didn't complain because what good is complaining going to do? Yeah. She's not a complainer and neither is Sienna. That is true. That is true. Complaining is not going to let you carry the baby for a few hours. Yeah, and it's only going to bring to mind it. Oh, okay, this really, really hurts. This is really uncomfortable. Okay, I still have six more months. Or wusses. We probably couldn't do that. I don't think I could. I think maybe you guys should. I could, but it would have to be for less than nine months. Oh, yeah. Why couldn't you do nine months?

1:04:43I could do it for a day. You could do it for a day. Oh, I could easily do it for a day. Without complaining? Yeah. Yeah. I think anybody could do something for a day, right? Without complaining is the caveat. I could not do it nine months. Yeah, I could. Imagine every time you have to sit down to go to the bathroom and get up and this huge thing is in your way. I sit down to go to the bathroom anyway. It's an obstacle to wipe. A lot of details there. It's a huge thing in your way at all times. You can't tie shoes. Try tying your shoes. You know, they've got those things. You strap them on. It's the sympathy belly. It's a family show. It's a sympathy belly. How about I put together a sympathy belly for you guys to wear? On Friday. Wait. We can do it for the live studio audience. They have things called a sympathy belly. It's like a strap. They have a strap and it has like a belly here. For people to wear? Yeah. So that they know. It's like a backpack almost, but up front. Yeah. And it's heavy. It's a front pack. I'm 100%. They have them so that husbands can know what they're. What? In. I'll do it. I'll do it. You guys will do it. Here's the deal. We go on the air in about, what, 20 hours? If you can find one. Oh, I'll make them.

1:06:02You'll make them. You'll make them? Of course he will. Jay will be able to make them. Be a little seamstress down in his... You know what? I'll make one for all of us. I'm in. You'll wear one too? I'll wear one too. If you can do it. And Lauren as well. Yeah, I'll do it. Let's not tempt fate here, but hey, yeah, I'll do it. I'm in. So this is happening tomorrow. No, let's do it. Oh, it is tomorrow, yeah. Tomorrow's Friday. Wow, I gotta get on this. There's a good sewn in there, seamstress. Look who's a big mouth. Can you do that that quick? Jay? Absolutely. Oh, wow. There's going to be five pregnant people on the show. And we have an audience tomorrow. Oh, great. Yes! Oh, I don't want to do it tomorrow. Yes! We have to. It's our last day. You said it's a bit. It's a bit. Oh, my gosh. You have to walk around the building. Maybe I don't talk. I love it. I don't think he's going to be able to do it. He won't. I'll be calling Jay all afternoon. Have you done it? Yes, Eskimo. You'll be in here next. Maybe we should give Eskimo a belly. We'll talk to Eskimo Blue Waters next.

1:07:57What time are we going to wear those bellies tomorrow, Sienna? All day. Oh, great. You said a whole day. So we got to put them on like at the start of the show and wear them until the end of the show? Yep. Six o'clock when we come on the air, we'll put them all on you. Do you ever get us into trouble with your big mouth? You guys, you'll be able to get it. You know what we should do after the show? We should go to, like, JCPenney or something and take, like, a family photo of us all with bellies. I think it'll be interesting me doing my testimony with a pregnant belly. It'll be interesting at all. I may give you a pass to take it off for that. I won't. Yeah, I will. Sienna, what's going on in news? Yesterday, California National Guard troops took up their posts along the U.S.-Mexican border, which they were the first to hit the ground in response to Obama's directive to reinforce Border Patrol and help them out to help with smugglers and illegal immigrants. There's going to be more to come, so that's good news. Also, over 3,000 strollers have been recalled.

1:08:57If you have the Zuper stroller, they've been recalled for a frame latch failure that can result in unexpected collapsing and stuff like that. So if you don't want happening when your child is in a stroller, they're the Zuper Tango double strollers, and they were sold in 2007 and 2008. Mainly at Babies R Us. What's going on in sports? Do you remember the name LeGarrette Blunt? Nope. Sounds oddly familiar. He's the guy. He played for University of Oregon, and he punched that guy from Boise State in the face. He got suspended for the whole year. I do remember. Undrafted. It was supposed to be a stud. Undrafted. For the year? For the year. He was out for the year. Well, he knocked this. He broke this guy's jaw. He's whatever. He's a train wreck kind of. Well, the Titans picked him up. Really? And he ended practice yesterday by punching one of his teammates in the head. Oh, my God. The guy had his helmet on, so who's the dumber guy? But, yeah, this guy. Are you kidding? I said it a year ago. This guy was a train wreck. So, you know, God knows what's going to happen next with this dude. But he's a loose cannon. So, yeah, he got in a fight yesterday, punched his teammate in the head. Brilliant. Also, did you guys see? That kills me when you got that opportunity. Oh, my gosh. Exactly, man. Oh, my gosh. We saw this morning the Tampa Bay Rays have unveiled maybe the weirdest thing I've ever seen on a baseball diamond. Their entire bullpen dressed in.

1:10:12what can only be described as hideous plaid blazers. Really? And they're calling them brazers. Why? I don't know. Bray, ray, rays. Yeah, blaze. The rays. Brazers. Brazers. Oh, wow. You guys get it? So basically, the manager, Joe Maddon, said, the brazers are in. They're fabulous. They met with everybody's approval. We're going to wear them on this trip. The team brazer. It's because they come from the retirement capital of the world. Yeah. And so it's one of those deals where, He's just trying to get unity. It is what it is. They're ugly as sin. Maybe they thought all the local guys, senior citizens, would be like, I want a brazer. Give me a brazer. Is that Sienna down in Tampa? I want a brazer. Mom, give me a brazer. Will you let EBW in? Of course. Eskimo Blue Waters, the local music. Oh, there she is. Hold your horses. There she is. Finally. You could have opened the door yourself. It's not locked, EBW. I need to be let in. Is that the deal? What are you doing? What? I'm setting the mood. No, don't set the mood. She turned the lights down completely. Oh, my gosh. You don't just come in. I can't see anything. And start doing your own thing like that. It's my time here on the Mikey Show. Yeah. Well, why don't you just put the lights normal. There you go. EBW is a local musician who...

1:11:39And? Ventriloquist. Ventriloquist. Comedian. Yodeler. Yodeler. Yes. Only the gigs that she gets are not very big. Now, you may know her as EBW, and some of you that grew up privileged in La Jolla may know her as Judy Douche, if you're 31 or 32 years old. You know what? Nobody, you can omit that from my bio. I never put it in there, so. I know that. Stop saying that. She says it's pronounced douche. It's not. It's not. You know what? Nobody announces Madonna by Madonna, whatever her last name was. Right. Or Cher by whatever her last name was. Right. Just go with the stage name, pal. Yeah, all right. Eskimo Blue Waters. Dark glasses, layered jewelry, necklaces, bracelets. Reeks of Marlboros. Yeah. Nice little vest on today. Yep. Yeah. She's never inhaled Marlboros. No. Turquoise rhinestones all over. What do you mean I've never inhaled? You always... Am I Bill Clinton? Well, we've watched you. smoke cigarettes, you put the smoke in your mouth and blow it out like you're trying to be cool. No, it's called the French tickler. Is it? Yes. Is that what it's called? That's the technique. Yeah, she's also got on a cowboy hat and cowboy boots that it looks like she's tried to wear in like a baseball glove. Extra bell in your jeans today, bell bottom. Those are like old school. That's right, Deanna. Really great. Kicking it old school. Yeah. Oh, boy. You're really keeping it real. Keeping it real. You know what she did? Huh.

1:13:05Remember she snuck into one of our studios? I didn't sneak in. Why are you doing that? Do you have a key card? No, but the guy that I'm dating, I'm not going to call my boyfriend because I don't want to jump the gun. He is an intern for the custodial department. Custodial department don't have any interns. We don't have any interns. Nice little sugar daddy. Well, then he's in there somehow. She found her way in there before, and she was in there recording. In a studio. Yeah, in a studio. I was doing what I was asked to do by our program director. Our program director. Our program director. You don't work here. Don't I? No, you do not. I cameo. She also got into Hillary's studio and was recording the concert calendar. That's nuts. Listen to this. This is... Eskimo Blue Waters with the FM 94.9 concert calendar. This Friday, August 20th, catch local star Eskimo Blue Waters at the Temecula DMV. Admission is free and seating is limited, so get there early. Yes, admission is free, by the way. For anyone at the DMV. For anybody. Then on Monday, August 23rd, EBW will be featured at the San Marcos Grain and Feed Emporium. That night, all T-Bomb for Cow Waters will be 5% off.

1:14:21This is for one night only. I'll teat bomb for cow udders. Teat bomb? That's the promotion, okay? I'm just reading the paper. That's not even a thing, is this? Teat bomb? At 7.30 a.m. I'll be there. And finally, check Eskimo at the Indy Surprise parking lot stage located in parking spot D49 out of her Mustang at FM 94.9's Independence Jam in Oceanside. What are you doing? What are you doing? Get out of here. What are you doing in Hillary's studio? Who is Heidi? I don't know. Yeah, really? Heidi, you clearly heard me say Hillary. Hillary's a midday DJ. She's an actual DJ. She's employed here. She does a concert calendar. Garrett asked me to do it this time. Garrett, our program director, asked you to do it this time. Yeah. If I were to call him on my cell phone right now, on speakerphone, and say, Garrett...

1:15:26Did Eskimo Blue Waters ask you to do the concert calendar? You are saying he will say, yes, I did. Yeah, unless he acts like he forgot or something. Why are you saying that? I don't really have time because I've got to go and I've got to finish out the final tagline on this concert calendar. Okay, let's hear you do that. You shouldn't be doing it. Well, get out there and see some shows. That's the tagline. Yeah, that's the tagline. Get out of here, please. You get out. I got to go anyway. Get out. I'm leaving. There it is. Unbelievable. How about that? Yeah, how about that? Yeah, Eskimo Blue Water sneaking her way in with her boyfriend. I didn't sneak, okay? Everyone knew I was here. Woods knew I was here. He didn't let me in the stupid building. Boyfriend's a janitor. Yeah, Woods isn't going to let you in here. You don't work here. It's like I was sneaking around like Twinkle Toes. I'll get killed. Yeah. For letting her in. Yeah. You can't have her roam in the halls while we're trying to get ready for the show. You can't. We know what your gigs are. Thank you for stopping by here, Peach. Well, yeah, you're welcome. Hopefully some sponsors will hear that. They'll like my voice, and I'll get some more endorsements here. Thank you, Judy. Some more. You mean some endorsements. That's right. Why would she get endorsements? She won't, of course. She's a nut. She's a sweet girl, but she's a little kooky. She is. That was...

1:16:41Unbelievable. Did you notice every gig was Eskimo Blue Waters' gig? Yeah, four Eskimo Blue Waters' gigs. You should try to switch it up by referring to Eskimo Blue Waters as EBW. Right, EBW. Woods says in his recap that he talked to a buddy of his, Tim, that we both knew from Dallas. Yep. And he has a daughter in eighth grade, which trips me out. Yep. Because when I was there, she was like four. Right. And he says after the story, he told you something that makes you hope that you and Jamie get a little boy because you guys are going to adopt. 100%. We're adopting, and I'm like, I have to get a boy. I'm not going to say I'd send a girl back, but I would be like, do we really want to do this? Stop. Are we really sure about this right now? Thank heaven for little girls. He says he doesn't want to have to deal with this kind of stuff when he's a dad. Nope. Tim's daughter is in eighth grade now and wants for the summer to get a bikini wax. Yeah, kind of for the school year. Really? Yeah. I mean, he's like, I don't know what the bit is. It's just something you do. It doesn't matter when. She's starting eighth grade, and she's like, I want a bikini wax. I was like, no, absolutely not. Oh, my gosh. Or I don't want to know. Actually, if summer's gone by, she's probably actually already gotten them. Yeah. And this is the first he's hearing of it. Yep.

1:18:09Thank goodness. Isn't that little young for the whole... It's very adult. It's very adult. It is very adult. Isn't it? Not anymore. I don't think so. No. Isn't it? No. I don't know anything, man. I don't want to know. I was an adult when I got my first bikini wax. How about a razor? No. It's different. That's a sensitive area. And if you... It makes a difference. There's a huge difference between razor and waxing. There is? Yes. And especially for a young girl. Really? Yeah. See, that's my point. It was, I mean, the first time I went, I was humiliated. You were? Yeah. It's very like, whoa, everything's out there. Yeah. So, I mean, if you're 14. Look at how uncomfortable Woods is just here. She's got some rocks. Would it be better if you could go with your mom? It seemed like a normal thing. Oh, with your mom? Yeah, your mom takes you? No. No. His wife is taking her.

1:19:04Well, she's not going to go in the room with her. Yeah, I wouldn't want my mom in there, like, getting one, too. Oh. No. Hey, Mom, how's yours going? Did your mom take you to the lady doctor anyway, too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's a doctor. Yeah, how about a razor that's pink in the bathroom? Yeah. And even then, maybe have your own bathroom. Yeah, maybe have your own bathroom. She already has a razor because she for sure shaves her legs. Yeah, she's needing to get a... So why does she need this? Well... I would think in a bathing suit, if she's got something, you know, you want to. Yeah, don't, why not take a razor? Yeah. First thing I thought. There's a difference. First thing I thought. You get the bumps from a razor. First thing I thought. Uh-oh. Sexually active. No. Yes. First thing I thought, you told me, I go, oh, yeah, your daughter is sexually active. You thought it. I didn't say it. Yeah. Because I didn't want him to slit my throat through the phone. But the first thing in my head is, she's got a new boyfriend. She's sexually active. See, my thing is, the thing that makes me think is, is. Wants to grow up right away. Where do they live in Texas, you said? Well, I mean, it's still time for them to go to pool parties and stuff like that. So if she's self-conscious of that area, I think the mom's doing a good job. You can call us, by the way, 570-1949 or 949mikey at gmail.com. And dudes, does that make you think?

1:20:23Oh, man. It's like a haircut by a professional. The first time I went, I was about that age, maybe a little bit older. Yeah. 13? You live at the beach. No, I wasn't 13. 14. Now, if the girl's getting it in December... It's a little different. But she lives in Dallas. It's 105 almost year round. I know, I know, I know. So it's like, I can kind of be okay with it now, but yeah, if she's getting it in the winter, I'm like, hmm. And if she was getting the whole thing done, then I would be panicked. Yeah, but a dad does not need to know that kind of a detail. It doesn't matter the time. It's the age is the whole point. She's what? How old are you in age? 14? Yeah. 14 years old. Mm-hmm. I wasn't even allowed to have a bra in eighth grade. You weren't? I barely was allowed. Oh, I didn't need one. Allowed. Yeah. Oh, times have changed, people. Is it a matter of allowed? My dad didn't want to know about that kind of stuff. Yeah. I thought, well, why don't you buy a bra? Then all of a sudden. No. That's why I have a wife. Yeah, your wife.

1:21:19Yeah, maybe you talk about cycles and stuff. I don't want to know. You guys figure that stuff out. Yeah, no, don't talk to dad about that kind of stuff. I never was like, hey, dad, I'm going to get a bikini wax. It was something you'd just do. Woods, don't you get... I know people are going to hear this and go, oh, you're such a child, Mikey. Fine, call me whatever you want. I'm a child, I'm a child, I'm a child. I admit it. I think it should be a don't ask, don't tell policy with dads and their girlfriends. I mean, daughters. I'll admit it. I'm a child. I'm a 40-year-old man, and I'm uncomfortable if I see a pink box. Yes. Tampons and stuff. They are not pink. Don't say that word. You don't have to say that word. It freaks me out. Sorry, MaxiPath. Oh, it freaks me out. There are so many things that we cannot talk to guys about because you guys panic. I don't like hearing that stuff. I mean, just the other day, Woods and I were in the hall talking to a co-worker. She was asking me. Oh, dude. About, you know, have I gotten some of the signs of the baby's coming soon? Like, maybe dilation. I thought Woods was going to fall over. How do you think that you all got here? I don't care. I don't want to know. I know we did. It's like, I love steak and I love hamburger. But I don't want to know how they get it in that little.

1:22:41Beautiful styrofoam and plastic wrap. Well, we don't have a choice. We have to go through it. You don't have to talk about it, though. I don't need to know. Yeah, just prepare my hamburger. Woods, you tell us any time you need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, pushing cotton. Real good. I'm also a guy. What's the difference? I'm a guy. We want to think of women as dainty. So what? We're not talking about pushing cotton and having to go to the bathroom. Yeah, that's a womanly thing that happens. And periods. I don't want to know about periods. Nobody's talking about that in front of you. We're not dainty because we have stuff like that? Because we have babies? Please be dainty. Please be dainty. Please be dainty. What is a good example of dainty? Dainty is... I don't want... Yeah. Talking about what we made for dinner? Yes. That's amazing. You've been playing with too many Barbies as a kid. So gorgeous. It's beautiful. Let's see. M1 Terry from Rancho Bernardo. Would you rather bikini line waxed? No. What about a... Like I said, you send them in the bathroom with a razor. There's a difference. I mean, what's the difference? That's just application of technique. Understandable. Are you upset with the results or are you upset with the procedure? No, I'm upset with the procedure because I think that sort of a procedure is a very adult, that's a woman thing to me. Yeah, dude, it's your 14-year-old is like, oh, I've got to get my bikini waxed. Okay, I get it. There may be something going on, but you know what? I wouldn't put it as a woman or a girl thing. I would put it as a whether you have it or not thing.

1:24:12son wants to get his bikini wax, I'm going to have a major problem with that. You're going to have more problems than just the bikini wax. There may be more of a conversation. Absolutely. It means his little girl's growing up. Here's the deal. Maybe his wife has a little discretion. And maybe takes her on the sly. Oh, it's her fault. It's her fault. It is her fault. Get out of here. Maybe takes her on the sly. Takes the girl on the sly and doesn't let him know that, you know. I mean, I would. So then all of a sudden she's going behind your back and doing things you don't know about? No, it's not about that. It's like, I don't know. I don't think when I was becoming a woman, I don't think my mom was like, hey, and called my dad and told him everything that was happening. Oh, I know everything. You do? I know everything. I don't want it necessarily. I don't want my dad to know everything. But we talk about it. Talk about it? Awkward, awkward, awkward. I'm not going to tell you the details, but yeah, absolutely. You've got to know what's going on with your kids. When your daughters became women? Yeah, absolutely. Did you know right when Kim knew? And you talked about it? Yes. Awesome! I told my mom, and then I guess my dad knew not long after. He knew, but you didn't walk around talking about it. I full-on got the warning. It's like, hey, you're going to want to stay away from her this week.

1:25:24You know why? And I'm like, I know why. Yeah, but you didn't actually talk to your actual daughters about it. Oh, now I do. They're like, Dad, really? You need to know all the details right now? He's like, I slept my body. Me too. We're very open about that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's good, I guess. Oh, yeah. M1 paparazzi from Oceanside. All right, so how would you guys handle the situation? So you weren't married. You didn't, you know. There you go. Very good point. There you go. What I do then is I have the girl that I'm currently sleeping with, then take her to the salon. Oh, no, you're the dad. Yeah, the girl that I'm currently sleeping with takes her to the salon. That's really responsible. Yeah, I'm telling you, M1 paparazzi, if, well, first of all, the only way I'd be a single dad, hopefully, is because... I've been widowed. Well, he's not talking about you, Mike. But there are singles. There's plenty of single dads. Let's say you're a single dad. Let's say I'm a single dad. You have no choice if you're a single dad. You have no choice. You have to deal with it. But my whole point is, can't we let kids grow up? You know, grow up. That is part of growing up. Bikini waxings? Yes. Grow up and be hairy is what you're telling them?

1:26:47I mean, I don't worry. I used a razor until I was a woman and I was I was old enough to be OK with that situation and old enough to afford to buy it myself because it's not cheap. Yeah. And you turned out fine. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I was opposite. And you turned out fine, too. I turned out fine. And I was very comfortable in my bathing suit. Who knows? Maybe it makes you more comfortable. I don't know. I guess you don't want your daughter being made fun of and have nicknames and stuff like that. She's not if she has a razor. I don't want to know. You don't understand, though. Razors is a completely different effect from wax and a razor. That's what Monique is calling to say from San Diego. You there, Monique? Yeah, I'm here. I struggled with this because I'm really hairy. Oh, wow. Do you have hairy arms? Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

1:27:58Monique, this is a very personal question, but do you have the mustache thing going too? Oh, Monique. You can't ask that? She said she was hairy. She said she was hairy. That doesn't mean she wants to talk about it. She has a mustache. She has a mustache. I keep it managed. I keep it waxed and under control. So, Monique, you have to wax the mustache area. That's a good example, though, because if you had a daughter and she was 14 and she needed to get a mustache taken care of, waxing is the only way to go. 100% I take it for a mustache. 100% I take it for a mustache. 1,000%. I'm like, babe, load it up. We're going to get that stache waxed. You guys are insensitive. Insensitive? Tom Selleck, get in the car. It's time to go, okay? That is insensitive. Monique, I want to know. Monique, if you don't wax it, how bad will it be? Are we talking like Cheech Marin? We don't need to know the details.

1:29:02says anything. No, no. Of course not. No. Except for Mikey. No, no, I asked. I mean, out of curiosity. You don't have to answer. Out of curiosity. We look in those magnifying mirrors, like the one that you have on your vanity mic, and we see the mustache, you know? Personally, I'm lucky. I have blonde hair. I don't deal with that. Hey, listen, I was over at the old station, though, and we were talking about that one time, and this guy called in, and he said, you know, we were talking about things that guys have said that we regretted. And this guy called in. He said he was sitting over there in La Jolla with his girlfriend out on the balcony. Blonde girl. Sun was going down. And he said that he loves her. He loved her. Oh, gosh. And he looked at her and he said to her, your mustache looks so beautiful in the sunlight when the light is just perfect. This is a lie. No, he's a lie. He said as soon as he said it, because he didn't realize what he was saying. Obviously. What? Because you couldn't see her mustache until the sun was going down. This is not real. And the light hit it. And the light hit it at sundown in a way that he could actually see it. And he said, you know, it looks really cool. Was he serious? He was serious. He was being serious. My mouth is the shape of an O. Gabe.

1:30:22Wow. He said as soon as he said it, he realized, oh, she doesn't want to think of herself. Having a mustache. Having a mustache. Big props to Monique for calling in and telling us how hairy she is. Absolutely, Monique. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, great work. Oh, poor women. I can't even talk to you guys about anything. Children. Yeah, good. There we go. So now we have it figured out. Perfect. We have some outtakes of Hoyle and Vinegar. That's Hoyle, our station manager, and Woods. I'm Vinegar. There's some more. I am. Yeah, Beat Lab. So we'll do that next. Tomorrow, the entire Mikey show, except for Sienna, is going to be wearing prosthetic bellies. She'll be wearing a real one. I have a real one, yeah. On Sienna's last day here before maternity leave.

1:31:51And, yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to either. You guys are going to look great. How about we don't wear the bellies and Sienna doesn't leave? That's a good idea. Deal. Do you like that deal? And I accept it. Are you guys going to wear the bellies on the outside of your shirts? Or are you going to try to pull off a whole real maternity look? No, I'm going maternity look with a pearl snap over it. You are? Pearl snap! It's a little button-up. Maybe I'll wear a little dress. I say we all wear maternity clothes. You should. Pearl snap. I'm going to make that ride. I'll get you some real pretty maternity clothes. Hey, if you take care of everything, I'll do whatever. Really? That surprises me. That will be tomorrow, the entire show. Awesome. Would you like to hear a conversation between Hoyle and Vinegar? Yes. If this was taped illegally, I can prosecute. Prosecute? Yeah, what does that mean? What is prostitute? I didn't say that. I said, what did I say? You mixed up prostitute and prosecute. What do you have on your mind? I thought that's what it is. Don't you prosecute somebody if they... No. Prosecute. You're so dumb. Don't they say the prostitution rests? No, no. Prosecution. Your dates say the prostitution rests. That's right. That's right. That's how that works. Hoyle. This was yesterday between Woods and Hoyle.

1:33:19Yeah, it's Hoyle. Now, you have to know, I've got to tell you right now, that Hoyle, his new idea is that they're going to auto-tune everything. Everything. Even their conversations. Well, he's not going to auto-tune the conversations. He wants to auto-tune their music, but he just happens to have the auto-tune on at all times when they're recording. Did you just realize what auto-tune was? I didn't just realize it. I know what's hot. i know what's good it was hot like a year ago it's still hot maybe in mobile i mean it's still funny it ain't funny it's good it's not supposed to be funny what's the name of that girl the singer alicia alicia keys no is that her name i thought it was alicia silverstone no that's the girl she's a black girl she's a white girl but alicia keys is Black girl. Beautiful. Keep on fire with you. Sugar, please. Don't do me like that. This is not the worst. Is that what she says? Don't do me like that. Don't. Don't do me like that. Please. There's more. Well, there was, at the very end of it, there was. I'm glad you cut it off. You say something hardcore? You don't have my permission anyway.

1:35:11I'll sue you right now. Why? Why? That hasn't been released. You can't just drop something before it's been dropped. Don't you want it out there? Otherwise, no one's ever going to hear it. Well, it was dropped by Alicia Keys when she dropped it. Like it was hot. Like it was hot. Why don't y'all play the real stuff that was filmed for my documentary? Oh, my gosh. There's no documentary. She's trying to do a Joaquin Phoenix bit. I have Spike Jonze following me around. Yeah, right. Spike Jonze. To show the world how I operate. Spike Jonze. Yeah, the guy that did a bunch of indie movies and Weezer videos. He's world famous, but I guarantee you Hoyle does not know him. Roll it. I think so. I need the right acoustics. I'm in the bathroom. You're in the radio station. It's a bathroom, but it's also an office. People can't underestimate that, the usage of a place. A lot of times people look at a bathroom and they'll say, you know what? That's just for washing up. And I looked at this place and I said, no. Because you don't have an office. Well, by the way, if you're watching this in the documentary style underneath Hoyle, it says.

1:36:29Hoyle Henready, station manager. Station manager, question mark. Yes. Place where I can find solitude, serenity, get away. That's why this is my office. That's why I have that high school desk. It's what he works on. A high school desk. A high school desk. One piece, the chair's attached. Yeah, his office is in the bathroom. And he doesn't actually have a desk. He's got a high school desk, the kind that students sit on. And it flips up and you keep all your supplies in the middle. Got a little tray underneath your feet. That's right. But how do you know I didn't request that and I wanted it that way? No, because nobody would. Anyway, this is about singing, all right? And so I'm going to give you a little bit of something right now. I'm going to give you some sugar. I don't know what you want, but I'm just going to give you hip hop. Oh. Wow. What are you doing? What do you think I'm doing? I'm singing. You're running scales? It's called hip hop. Oh, my God. Wow, that's it.

1:37:44It's called hip-hop. That is not hip-hop. Maybe I'll look into it. Sounds pretty, actually. Did you just improvise that? Yeah, I have the ability to scat. Let me hear you do it live right now. That's not really scatting. Listen. I spent a lot of time in New Orleans, and I met a lot of jazz musicians. Yes, they were black. Oh, wow. And they taught me how to scat. Maybe you go back. Anyone can do that. Take some lessons. No, they can't, Santa. They can. No, it takes training from an authentic black man in New Orleans. Okay. See, Lauren just did it. She was just in New Orleans. Oh yeah, must have been it. And I bet she ran into some musicians while she was there. I sure did. See, and they probably taught you how to do it. Nope.

1:38:49I just copied what you did. Well, there are some authentic savants like her that are able to just do that. They're able to just rattle it off. That is brilliance. Oh, wow. That is brilliant. You're really in tune with the black man's scatability. I guess so. You know she is. Well, fair enough. Hello, baby. Hello, baby. I'm finally over the cough. And I am 100% certain the reason that I'm over the cough is because we went to Milton's and I had mishmash soup. Yep. What is that? Chicken soup with all kinds of stuff in it. Mishmash? Mishmash? Mishmash soup. It's got a big matzo ball in it. Whoa. Chicken and carrots and... Broth. Broth. Another word I hate. I love broth. You don't like the word broth? Broth. But Woodsy, is there anything better when you're sick than homemade chicken soup? Broth. Chicken soup. Chicken broth. I like broth when it's followed by the brothel. Is that a reach? Hello? Possibly the worst joke ever. Lauren just looked at me and gave me those hands and the squinty I was like, what is he talking about? What?

1:40:18Did he mean the in Spanish? Brothel? You said when it's followed by the. I don't get it. Broth. Of all, listen, of all the weird things that Jay has said, it's numero uno. It's like that is going to be a moment where people 10 years from now will be like, remember when you guys were talking about chicken soup? And Jay goes, you mean I like when broth is followed by brothel? What the heck? What are you talking about? I, for five seconds in my head, was like... I was adding it up. I'm missing this. I'm missing this. I'm missing this. By the time the crickets were played and Mikey and I made eye contact, I was still giving the hand. Like, what? Like, right now, do you think that our phone screener, Chris, is terrified that he's in there with him by himself? He's shaking his head very quickly. That's gross. Yeah. Even our phone screener, Chris, is looking at Jay right now like, what?

1:41:18What are you talking about? What do you mean? Were you smoking hash this morning? Chris brought it. Can you explain it? No, you can't explain it. So, chicken broth. Delicious. Did you make chicken tortilla soup? I'm not actually trying to be funny. Because that stuff will spice it up a little bit. Cure it right up. We went to Milton's. What is the greatest sick food? Oh, so many things. Chicken noodle soup. Jay likes chicken and dumplings, which I don't know if you guys know what those are. Do you have those up here? Yeah, but there's too much substance when I'm sick. I like the chicken noodle soup, some ginger ale. Ginger ale. Saltines. When you have a stomach ache and you're little, my mom would give us saltines and seven up. I feast on saltines. I'll eat a row, no problem. That is a challenge I will be able to do. Did your moms flatten the soda by pouring it from one cup to another, one cup to another? No. You're supposed to have the bubbles, aren't you? Yeah. I don't know. I thought that was the point. I don't know. Yeah, you're supposed to have the bubbles. LLB got hosed. Yeah, you got hosed. My mom made it flat on purpose. Oh, I want her or other mother to explain that to us. Maybe we get her on the phone. Maybe we get her on the phone. Get her on the phone. Other mother? 5701949, by the way, if you want to call us with the greatest sick food. Today is my mom's only day off. Call her! Call her!

1:42:44She may or may not be listening. Hello, Lauren. Lauren's mom does her voice and then she does other mother, which is a whole nother mother. A whole nother mother. With the coolest voice. It's her alter ego. It only applies to me. None of the other four kids in the family. Let me know you why I did that, Lauren. You're wasting time. Where's the phone number? Let's come on. Come on. Lauren's looking for her phone. She's pretending to look. Do you have it, Jay? Do you have her number? We always have to have... I have a feeling she said that she might have had to cover for a woman that was sick today. Maybe it was other mothers. Oh my goodness. If she's not texting me by now or anything, I'll put the number out there for my mom. But other mother. 1-858-570-1949. Let's call her. Maybe she's in the bathroom. Maybe she's... Pouring seven up into numerous cups. Did anyone ever tell you when you were sick to heat up Coca-Cola? No. Or Dr. Pepper or something like that? Cola syrup is good for nausea. Maybe it was Coca-Cola. Someone said, oh yeah, heat up Coca-Cola. It's the best thing for you. Really? Maybe we get your mom on the phone. No, my mom didn't say that. My mom never said that. I never even had it. You know what my mom used to have to do when I was a kid? This was repugnant, dude. Uh-oh. I wonder if anybody else, if their moms did this.

1:44:03My mom would take and I'm sure that this did not happen with you because they came up with solutions. But my mom would take Tylenol. Tylenol came in caplets. OK, so she would take a Tylenol and a knife and she would cut the Tylenol in half. Didn't want to give me a whole Tylenol. OK, and this is when I was little, like five or six. She would put it in a tablespoon and she would crush it into a powder on the spoon. and put water on it and give it to me that way. Because I couldn't swallow a pill. Why not put it in some applesauce? That's a good idea. Really great question. Put it in some manudo or something. In water, it's chalky. Have them in your daily enchilada, dude. It's not going to hurt you. Just mix it in the mole sauce. I mean, have a whippy of a quesadilla real quick. Just right in the shredded cheese. Applesauce is a great sick food. There was nothing more bitter. Yeah. than a tablespoon of crunched up powderized Tylenol water. I got it, I got it. You guys ever hear a baby aspirin at your house? No. The number one best sick food was the medicine I got when I was little. The bubble gum medicine. Did anyone else get it? Oh, the amoxicillin. I would go in the pink. I would sneak it. Me too. Ew. The pink medicine? It was so good. So good. I hated it. You hated it? Hated it. The fake candy. Vicks 44D, you put a little cap.

1:45:33Cup of that. You take that down. Amazing. I like the Tri-Medic that was like the orange flavor. Like that stuff tasted good. But the pink stuff. You had to get a prescription for the bubble gum. I know. I didn't like the bubble gum. M1 A-Town from Alpine. You there? Yeah, I'm here, guys. How are you guys doing? Good. This is by far one of the best shows you guys have ever had. Thank you. Thank you. So, yeah, first off, I got to get L.O.B.'s back. My parents did the same thing. They let the soda go flat. They, like, open the can and let it. Why? When you're throwing up, I think. Bubbles help an upset stomach, but when you're throwing up, it'll get it stirred up. Well, I know, but isn't the point of, okay, okay, well, wait a minute. What do they think the positive effect of the soda will have on you, even if it doesn't have bubbles? I think the ginger is good. The ginger. Yeah. Got it, got it. Sugar and the soda is where it's at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Electrolytes. Yeah. Every, oh, man. I did love that. I did love being sick and getting ginger ale. Ginger ale is delicious. It's so good. But I won't.

1:46:40Go into my house, pop open a ginger ale. But when I'm sick, I'm like, that's what I want. I want ginger ale. I enjoy it. I enjoy ginger ale. I think it's delicious. Canada Dry. Oh, so good. M1 Dane from Oceanside. Hey, good morning, Mike. How are you guys doing? Good, man. All right. If you're ever out in Oceanside or if you're in Carlsbad, if you get on the 78 and you get off at Hacienda, go to Terry's Cafe. and get any of the ramen bowls, the soups, or any of the noodle bowls, and it will clear you up real good. Oh, man. Yeah. That sounds good. I'm telling you, there's something about slurping out of a hot bowl when you're sick that just makes you feel better. Am I the only one that there's something about legitimately being sick? I don't know why, and this may sound weird.

1:47:34It's kind of comforting. Yeah. When you get everything you need in front of you, like the movies, the magazines, the soup, then you're like, oh, I'm just going to cuddle up. It's comforting. Yeah, I'm like, this is not that bad. I kind of like it. Is there anything worse, though, than being single and being sick? It's terrible. I've had that. Well, hey, L.O.B. If we had to take me and you, I bet I was in that position a lot more than you did in that position. And then you walk to the bathroom and you're all shivering. You're like, I hate my legs. I hate my legs. Yeah, try being morbidly obese and doing it like me. Waddling to the bathroom. Yeah, I was waddling to the bathroom my whole 20s. I'm sick. I'm sick. I have no chance of love. I'm sick. I'm sick. I have no chance of love. I'm sick. I have no chance of love. M1 Day Park from San Diego. You there? Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. How are you guys doing? Good. Yeah, my mom did the same thing, but it wasn't when she was sick with like a cold. It was most likely when she was sick with an upset stomach because they don't want the bubbles in the 7-Up and they're trying to get fluids down you. Uh-huh. So they give you the saltine and they take all the bubbles out of the 7-Up. Gotcha. That's the bit. It's fluids. You need fluids in your body. Fluids. Fluids is the key. And maybe water.

1:48:54Yeah, there's got to be more to it than just fluids. Because why not just give apple juice? Yeah. I think you said the best thing. I think that ginger is real good for you. But I don't even think ginger ale is made with real ginger anymore. You know what I don't like when I'm sick? Is OJ. And my mom always used to force us to drink orange juice. Why do you got to bring me into it, man? I'm out there looking for the real killer. And all of a sudden you got to come up with this. Sorry, OJ Simpson. I meant. Yeah, you know what, man? I don't like woods when I'm sick. How do you like that, man? I'm throwing up in the bathroom in the animal woods. M1 Catherine from Normal Heights, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What do you like when you're sick? Poached eggs and Lipton tea. Poached eggs! Let's discuss. Let's discuss. So, wait a minute. Now, do you put the poached eggs on a plate, in a bowl? Do you put it on toast? What are we talking here? We put it in a bowl and just have toast cut up and put inside mixed with that and playing with the tea. That sounds delicious to me. See, it's whatever your parents did for you. Yeah, whatever your parents did for you. What is that thing called? It was on V for Vendetta where they put the egg in. You cut a circle out of the toast. Your brother is called toast in a hole, toad in a hole. We call it gas house egg. I call it an egg and I.

1:50:13Yeah, yeah, where you cut a hole in the toast. That is delish. That I would have when I was sick. And Lipton tea? Yeah, listen, she sometimes put honey in it. Yeah, that is good. Put a little whiskey in there, too. Thank you for the call. I do want to throw this out there, though, real quickly. There's a place called Jorge's off of Santa Fe in Encinitas next to the Blockbuster. Mikey, what does that mean, Jorge's? George's. They have that chicken tortilla soup. If you're sick... Oh, it'll knock it right out. El Special Norte has it too on Encinitas, right there at Lucadia. That sounds good. I feast on some tortilla soup right there. They guarantee their soup will bring you back from the dead. That's what it says on the menu. Wow. I'm going to just let every female listening right now know that if your man is sick and you care for him tenderly, lovingly, and you dote over him, and you make him the center of your life at the time that he's sick,

1:51:15He'll love you a lot. I have an addendum. What? When a man is sick, give him what he asks for and then leave him alone? No. Oh, absolutely. Not every man. Some guys are like, babe. Not me. That's one of my favorite things to do, believe it or not. I'm shocked right now. What? As hard of a shell that I have, I love taking care of boyfriends when they're sick. Really? Love it. What? Doesn't that kind of blow you away? I'm blown away. Love it. Wow. You can call about that if you want to. 570-1949. You can call about the sick food, the greatest sick food, what makes you feel great when you're sick. Or, I want to tell you this too. I want to ask you, do you think that San Diego qualifies as one of America's most stressful cities? I see. Be wearing prosthetic bellies in the studio tomorrow. Moral support. Moral support. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well...

1:53:03BP has announced, well, Thad Allen has announced. Now, we know that no new oil has leaked into the Gulf for about two weeks, but now they're saying that the bottom kill, which is the relief well, won't be done until a week after Labor Day, is what they're guessing, when a few days ago they were like, oh yeah, we're almost there, we're done. Now it's a couple more weeks. Also, some more whooping cough cases have... come out in San Diego. Now, this is getting crazy. Whooping cough, also called pertussis. A half a dozen new cases of whooping cough has been reported this week in San Diego. And with this half a dozen, for children ages 7 to 17. So they've been focusing on infants and toddlers, really, that get this, but now 7 to 17. So everyone needs to go get the booster shot. Yeah. So important. Woods, what's going on in sports? The Padres take on the Cubs. They're looking for a four-game sweep at Wrigley today. Matt Latos against Carlos Zambrano. It's an 11-20 start for us folks, we folks, out here on the West Coast. Also, the National League East-leading Braves made a trade yesterday that was great. They picked up Derek Lee from the Cubs. They are two and a half games up in the East, so that's a good move. And also, Tim Tebow.

1:54:18Heard his little ribs in practice. That guy likes to take hits real good, man. Really? He's a little bit under the weather right now. Dude, the guy runs like he plays like a linebacker. He's a quarterback. Yeah, he does. He's day-to-day. Let's see. Tonight's 8 o'clock album here on FM 94.9, Bat for Lashes. Two Sons is the name of the album. And we'll be telling you. If San Diego qualifies as one of America's most stressful cities, you're going to be finding out if it does. New list from Forbes. Yeah, what's the deal? Does it? I'll give you the top five. You think San Diego's on there, most stressful cities? No, this has to do with high unemployment, long commute times, long work hours, limited access to health care, bad physical health, and lack of exercise. I wouldn't say they make it in the top five, but I would say that they make it in the top at least 20. Well, they only gave me the top ten and I have the top five in front of me right now. San Diego was not on the list of top ten, but two cities in California were. Los Angeles. Riverside, number five. Los Angeles, number two. I was going to say Riverside because of the...

1:55:28Commute. Yeah. There's so much traffic constantly around there. Yeah. Tampa, Florida, number four. Houston, Texas, number three. And Las Vegas, number one most stressful city. Yeah, in America. M1 Dave from Vista. What is the deal with soda and being sick? Hey, man. Hey. I was always told, you know, I think that the syrup in it and stuff, man, I think that coats your stomach. It could be. You know, my mother would always. You guys are saying, you know, you pour it back and forth in the glasses and stuff, but some of you guys would keep the bubbles in. My mom would always stir it, and she would say, you know, like, you know, you don't want the bubbles in it because then it makes you gassy. Got it. You know, you're trying to keep the food down. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Dave. Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. My son is on the phone. My one-year-old, Luke. Uh-oh. Twin boys, Luke and Ryan. Luke is the more, how do you put it? Rascally. That's a great way to put it. Hey, Luke. Did you really leave me on hold for that guy? Oh, wow. Well, Luke, I mean, that listener, that's an M1. I almost fell back asleep. Really? He's trying to help us. Luke is a year old, but he's very mature for his age. Very mouthy. Very mouthy, and he's a rascal. What are you doing? I'm working. Really? That's what I do between 6 and 10. You, you know, laying concrete or laying bricks or something?

1:56:56No, I'm not, as you know. As you know very well. You building houses? No, I'm not, Luke. I'm not. I'm working as a talk show host. I'm your dad. Sounds like a rough gig. Really something for me to look up to. What are you calling about? Hey, whenever you get home, I need a ride because I'm going to go get a sleeve. A sleeve? Like a sleeve? Yeah, a sleeve. A sleeve on my arm. A onesie? Tattooed. No, you're not going to get a tattoo. A tattoo? No, you're not getting a tattoo. I'm not getting a tattoo. I'm getting a sleeve. No, you're not. You're a year old. Luke. You've got a sleeve? You can barely wear sunscreen. Yeah, you can barely wear sunscreen. You can't get a tattoo. You have tattoos. How many tattoos do you have? 70? 80? I don't know. I don't think it's 70 or 80. I don't know. Luke, do you like getting shots? Doesn't bother me. I'm not Sally. Oh, wow. That's a direct shot at you. It is. I have a piece. It's a direct shot. I don't need to hold my mommy's hand when I get a shot. Okay. Like your dad. Can I get, I'm getting a sleeve, so either.

1:57:59You give me a lift, or maybe I'll get Mom or Grammy. I'll see if Grammy can take me. Really? Yeah. She's not going to take you to get a tattoo. Well, I've been working on sketches with my boy. Yeah, what are you going to have on that sleeve? It's all kinds of stuff, man. Rattles and bottles and stuff? Rattles, bottles, rattlesnakes. Really? Oh, with crossbones. Rattlesnakes. Yeah, with crossbones. You're growing up too fast. You're a year old. You don't need a sleeve. You don't need a tattoo. You don't have a tattoo guy. Maybe I'll get a giant rooster on there like he has, or maybe a son. Like Woods has on his back. Right. Are you being serious? Hey, Luke, on the small of your back, why don't you put the word winder? Why would I do that? And then I'll come up behind it and go. One of our M1s, his name is Winder. That's what he did. He's got a tramp stamp. That's right. And the guy that has it? Yep. Real, real weird. Luke. Hey. You're being. I'm taking a sleeve. Fine, I'll get a half sleeve. No. You can't get a tattoo. Three quarter sleeve? Compromise. Color? Take your sunglasses off. All kinds of different colors. Don't worry about it. Hey. Yes, Luke. What time do you get off? Every time. Every time. Every time. I get off at the same time every day, Luke. I get off at 10. Well, when you just leave. No, we're not. We're going to go get a sleep. Maybe you get one on your other arm. All right, Luke. Maybe I will get one on my other arm. You're not. You're a year old. Get off the phone. Take care of your brother. Who's my brother?

1:59:25Your brother is Ryan. He's your twin. Aren't I? Yes. You shared a womb. I'm getting a tattoo. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. He's so argumentative. He's very argumentative. He's got an attitude. Imagine seeing him. I come over to your house. Mike, is that a sleeve on your son's arm? He's only a year old. You've got 17 more years of this, Mike. Oh, my gosh. Good luck. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Listen, he's the one that we're going to have to not spoil. Yeah. You better have him up doing chores for like two years. For sure. Ryan's going to be like, Luke got to do it. Luke got it. Was there a toy you guys wanted as a kid and you never got it? Yes. Nope. Spoiled. Are you kidding, Woods? No, I got everything I wanted. Are you kidding me? That's a good kid. Brat. Oh my gosh. That's a good kid. What do you mean? A lot of good kids. Like on Christmas? No, I'm talking like. I got him Christmas and birthday. Yeah, I did too. There was always the it toy and it wasn't just at Christmas. There was always, I mean, even now at summertime, there's like a really cool toy that's out there that kids will want. Yeah. That's always existed since the beginning of time. I always got.

2:00:36Tickle Me Elmo or something like that? That's a Christmas. And that is a thing. Every Christmas, there's always a very in toy. But there's a popular toy that kids will have almost all the time or something that's just popular. Well, I mean, you guys heard my bit before. I used to get bribed when I was a little kid with books, not toys. My mom was like, if you be good, I'll buy you a book. Yeah, right. I swear. That's all I wanted. She's like, if you're good, I'll take you to the bookstore, which was like, to me, the greatest thing ever. So I got books. But when I wanted a toy, I got it for my birthday. I got it for Christmas. Yeah, for sure. I would get like one big gift, like the one that I wanted. And my birthday, that was the same thing. Only birthday and Christmas would I get that stuff. three weeks apart so I was like great I have to like store up you know and I'd get the one big toy and then the rest of the stuff would be the turds like socks and school supplies you got turds for Christmas is there anything worse than getting stuff you need at Christmas I would cry when I got clothes I know I'd be like thanks tube socks yeah great it's a sweater it's a Mervyn sweater

2:01:49I don't like sweaters. Oh, it's a winter coat. That's great. Cool. I'm pretty sure I always got what I wanted. I wanted a big wheel. I wanted the big wheel. Everybody else had the big wheels, but I was already too big for a big wheel by the time they came. They didn't come out with plastic. I would want the Malibu Barbie little Jeep, and I would get the... like kia version of it like ridiculous i would get a big deal it'd be called the big deal instead of the big wheel it'd be the big deal it was bought at the supermarket right it was made out of tortilla i uh well you know and i say that i say i say and i've said this before but i say that i got everything i wanted but i got like a different version than the one i wanted yeah like i really wanted a really cool skateboard i got a nash I got a Nash skateboard. I don't know what that means. Anybody that knows anything about skateboards knows. It's the last one you want. It's a knockoff. Awful. Awful. Awful. You have to specify on your list. Oh, I did. I said I want a Vision Psycho stick, and I got a Nash. Hey, Sienna, let me put it this way.

2:02:55Little Mikey never wrote down that he wanted a big deal. He wanted a big wheel. It's the same thing. It's the same thing, but it was $10 less. It's the same thing. Santa built that. Don't be ungrateful. Yes, Stephen. I know that you wanted an electric guitar with an amplifier, but what I thought... is we'll just combine the two and we'll put the amp right there in the guitar and we'll use a 9-volt battery to power it. Wow, I feel like Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath. Plus it's $8. It's $8, exactly. When you go on Amazon, because that's what I do when I get Jenna's presence now, it's like I look at her list, I type it in there, and I find it. Do they give you the cheaper alternatives to things? Well, listen, that's the way it is now. Back then? Back then, you went to the store, and they had a big wheel. That's what I mean, but that's why I'm saying. They had a big wheel, but for $10 less, they had a big deal. But that's why I'm saying, now do they even offer that if you were to shop online? Probably. Because now parents just do it online. Well, and do you remember this bit? Did you guys have Best here? It was a store. It was called Best, and it was like a Walmart, Kmart.

2:04:03Well, they used to have these big catalogs. Do you remember circling stuff in the catalog that you wanted for Christmas? It was the greatest, dude. I was obsessed with those. You guys remember pogo balls? Oh, yeah. You put your feet on them and try to bounce. Yeah, and you would jump. So I was obsessed with those. So my mom, she would always take the liberty of once I liked one thing, she would build around it. So she got me this ugly neon green jacket. that I guess was supposed to say pogo on it. Oh, wow. But the way that it was written out, my brother would call me poog. He'd be like, what's up, poog? Because I said it on the back, and she would be like, you wear that jacket, because it was like a windbreaker. Yeah, you had to wear it while you jumped on the pogo ball. Which, by the way, the pogo ball got about that far off the ground, and I mean a quarter of a centimeter off the ground. Always trip over it. Yeah, it was the worst toy ever. This would be, I remember this too. I remember walking into Penny's. With mom. Pennies. And at the counter, they would always have a toy at the counter. Now, the toy would generally run about five bucks. Okay? I was not getting it. There's no way. Always wanted it. Always wanted it. The one that I remember, the one that sticks out in my mind, was they used to have this stuff, and I think it was called slime.

2:05:18Oh, yeah, dude. Came in a green garbage can. Plastic green garbage can. And when you opened it up and if you pressed on it, it sounded like a fart. Yes. Yes. Love that stuff. It's like a little boy's dream. It's the greatest. It's a little boy's dream. Now, I know she didn't want it because she thought, I don't want to see that stuff around the house. Or hear it around the house. Yeah. I don't want that on my white couch. All I remember was that I wanted it more than anything in the world. More than anything in the world. Slide. Slide. And I also knew, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I had it and I owned it and it belonged to me, it would make me happier than anything. And not only would it make me happier than anything, it would never cease to make me happy. So if you buy it right now, it will make me happy until the day I die. You're going to get a good deal. It'll complete your circle of life. It'll complete the circle of life. You would be making the sound effects on the air right now if you had it. And I knew at that moment, at seven years old, there's no doubt I would be 45 years old. And if I was having a child with my wife, I'd have that green slime. And I'd be happy. The problem was if you left the lid off for more than 30 seconds, it was dried up. 20 seconds. No, not good. Never got it. Do you guys remember when Nerf?

2:06:36was really popular. I'll never forget. I wanted so bad. I wanted a Nerf boomerang. And they had them, and you could throw them. And in the commercial, these guys are in the field, and they're humming these things, and they're right back to them. First day. I get it. I'm like, woo-hoo! It's Christmas. I run outside, throw the Nerf boomerang, get stuck in a tree. First throw? First throw. Oh, my gosh. And I'm standing there. I mean, it was wedged in there. three hours trying to get it out. I'd never played with it again. There was nothing worse than wanting Nerf and getting the styrofoam knockoff. You'd be like, cool, thanks. I remember this too. I remember being a kid and this was like, to me, this was the child of like a king or a queen, you know, because you had to be that rich. They would have a remote control car. Oh yeah, dude. And there was just, I mean. There was no way. I mean, that was so far out of my universe, a remote control car, because a remote control car would probably cost $50. Yeah. Which at the time was $9,000. A lot. There's no way. Do you guys, that just brought back one of the worst memories. I think it was my little brother. He wanted the same thing. You know what he got? Do you remember the ones that had the thing attached to it? Oh, yeah. Like a wire? Oh, the wire.

2:07:58Three feet? Yeah. So you could go forwards and backwards and get the wire. And if you pulled it too far, it would topple over because the wire pulled it back. Get over, remote control car didn't even go. Now the car is like going to the ceiling. Yeah. M1, Sarah from Vista, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What did you get? Well, for some, when I was like, I don't know, seven or eight, you know, I was planning on getting like a Barbie or, you know, something really cool. cute like that, and I open up this soft package, and it has my very first bra and a cute pair of underwear in front of my whole family. Oh, no. My mom did that stuff to me. That's mortifying. That was standard at our house. Bra in front of everyone. Oh, my gosh. Thanks for the thong, Daddy. I remember opening up the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday underwear and crying and being like, why would you do that? In front of my brother and stuff. My mom was like, that's perfect. And you can remember to wear it. And I was like, why would you do that? There's a picture of every Christmas with our underwear on our heads. Because our parents would make us put our underwear on our heads that we got for Christmas and take a picture. So there we are. That's funny. Explains a lot. I'm 35. I still, every year in my stocking, I get boxers and socks. Every single year. From your mom or from your wife? From my mom.

2:09:12Me too. My mom. Yeah, but you always need them. Yeah, that's true. That's what every mother rationalizes. Well, he needs boxers. He needs them. Every year I get a white box that says Mervyn's on the top. With socks in it. Still? Yeah, every year. Every year. Do you want to know what my mom's bit is? What? One of her many bits. She's been doing this for, I mean, I'm 29. She's been doing it for probably at least 30 years. She'll buy, like, the cheap thing from Mervyn's or JCPenney or whatever, and then put it in a... She saves every box ever known to man, and she'll put it in, like, a Gap box. No way. Or something like that. Are you serious? And think that we're going to be like, oh, cool, it's from the Gap. You are kidding. She does it on purpose? All the time. All right. All the time. I have to reveal something, and I hope that my dad, M1 Hawk, is not listening right now. Which is impossible. It's impossible. He listens four hours a day. He listens four hours a day. He won Christmas. Uh-oh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. He wrapped up a camera that he already owned. Oh, my gosh. To get to him.

2:10:24Me. Oh, my gosh. Did you know? Yes. I'd seen it in his drawer for three years. I opened it. My brother looked at me. I looked at him. I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh, thanks, Dad. It was in this, it was one of those long cameras with the, yeah, you know those? It was in this brown case with a zipper. And you turned the winder. You turned the winder on it, yeah. And so I can't remember if it was in my stocking or if I unwrapped it, but I remember pulling it out and going. Oh, I've seen that for three years. Oh my gosh. He played it off like it was new. Oh yeah, played it off like it was new. Did he put it in the box that it came in? No box. Just the pouch. Just the pouch. Just in its pouch. I was like... I was like, are we having financial problems? Are we broke? What's the deal? Oh, my goodness. Maybe he was drinking when he was wrapping presents. I don't know. I have no idea. But all I know is I go, yeah, I've seen that in his drawer for three years. And now he gave it to me. Did you call him out on it? No. Not until just now, this moment. I would have been like, hey, thanks for your camera. But my brother and I were like, holy cow. My brother gave me, on my birthday, he gave me his pager.

2:11:28What year was this? That was back in the days when a pager, you know, one person could have the number. Right. Because you had to know to call them back when it beeped. Right. It was his beeper. It was a beeper. It was the first. It was his beeper. So one person could have, like a doctor. You'd had one if you were a doctor. Right. One person could have it. You know who had it? The head of ER. And they would call Dr. So-and-so, and that number, and it would go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, my gosh. And you would know to call them back. Yes, do you need me? I was 13. Oh, my gosh. I had to do with a beeper. What did you need? Now, had you been asking for one? No. Yeah, you were secretly kind of stoked. You were. You were like, yes. You were like, I got my brother's picture. Did you wear it on your Jabot jeans? No. Did anyone send you a 143? It wasn't even that. See, that's a pager. See, that's a pager where numbers were printed out on it. This was a black. little black box that clipped onto your belt. No number showed up on it. Oh. So if it ever went off, you knew to call one number. The beeper number that you were assigned was 555-1234. And you gave work that phone number. Oh my gosh. And when they needed you to call them, they called that number and it would send a beep to your beeper. Who did he have? Who knows? But he didn't use it anymore. So he gave it to me. Did you ever activate it or?

2:12:49I was 13. Life before cell phones, they're different. The hospital gave me one of those when Kim was pregnant with Maddie, so she could immediately beat me whenever they show up. Yeah, dude, you know what it's like? It's like when you go to the cheesecake factory and they hand you a little thing. M1, Jose from Spring Valley. How's everybody doing? Good, dude. I can remember. I don't know if you guys are old enough. They had the A team. action figures. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Those were the greatest. I got, one year I got, I also got the van that went with it. I got the van that went with it. I got Hannibal and Mr. T. Was it the real van or was it like a knockoff? Your dad made in the garage. It was the real McCoy, sister. Wasn't the A team, it was the gay team. It was the B team. The B team.

2:13:49Spray painted everything green. Oh, my gosh. That's brutal. Is it a mini spray painted green? M1 Rob from Tijuana. Are you there? Hey, man. What's up? Hey, did you tell the story about the He-Man? Oh, my gosh. That is a story. I haven't told the He-Man story. Not at this station. Oh, come on. Okay. I'll tell you the He-Man story when we get back. What? What about the OP shorts? Wow. Wow. Thank you for calling. Oh, that's humiliating. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, that's humiliating. All right. I'll tell this story next. Welcome back. Mikey's show is me. I'm the host of this show. I'm the guy with a camera down my throat in a couple hours. Woods is our sports guy. Lauren is our assistant producer. What? Sienna's our news girl. Jay's our producer. Get some. Get some. What does that even mean? Get some. I don't know. Ever since I screamed, Jay was trying to come up with, what's mine? That's my go-to. What am I going to do? Get some. Get some. People are calling us with the presents that they would get, the stuff that they would get, toys, all that kind of stuff.

2:15:49I used to have this music, and in fact, I'll find the music. You know what it was? It was the theme to, do you remember the show The Incredible Hulk? Yeah. It had a very sad musical intro. Yeah, it did. It was like this piano. I used to play that. I'll find it. But I can't find it on iTunes. YouTube. You know what? YouTube. Yeah, I'm looking at you going, are you crazy? Find it, pal. No, no, no. You know what? I keep forgetting. Everything is on YouTube. Yeah, man. With commercials and everything. Yeah. It's really great for the air. I know. Let me see. I'll probably find it. So, the thing that I wanted when I was 12, okay? The big deal was I wanted a He-Man figure. Is that it? That is it, but that's not the music I was looking for. I'll find it. Sounds like elf music. No. Sorry, little people. You wanted a He-Man. Wanted a He-Man. Little people. It was an action figure. And so it was Christmas morning, and I opened up this He-Man thing, and I actually got what I wanted. Wow. What? And I was really, really excited. I mean, 12-year-old excitement, screaming, blah, blah, blah. And my mom goes, let me just tell you something. This is the last year that you don't buy presents for other people.

2:17:35From now on, you have to be buying presents for people. Right after you opened the He-Man? I mean, I was in the midst of my... Excitement. You were running a house going, Riva, Riva! Twelve, that's sixth grade? I don't know. How? I don't know. Get a job. Mow some lawns. Paperboy. Get working. Get, you know. They did not mess around. They were the one messing around. They were the one messing around. They were like, okay, enjoy it, because this is the last one you get to get on the house. That one was on the house. Next year, I won a present, and your dad won a present from you. Yeah, but, you know, hey, listen. It was actually a good thing because she was teaching me responsibility. She was actually teaching me some responsibility. Took the wind right out of your sails. Now, the other one. I don't know. I may have told you guys this. OP, very popular. Ocean Pacific. Ocean Pacific, very popular. And so mom thought, you know, listen, those are expensive.

2:18:36OP shorts. Plus, you're 900 pounds. Get two and sew them together. What we did instead was mom took a pair of old corduroys that I had and she cut them and then she sewed them into shorts. She made them cords into shorts. Very handy. Then what she was going to do was instead of getting like an OP. Well, you'd have to buy a pair of OP in order to have the stitching that says OP. So she just stitched herself. She put OP, but she kind of messed up in her OP. So she put an S on there. Oops. No, she didn't. Where did you get those clothes? At the toilet store? Yes. Yes, I did. I got them at the toilet store. She did not. Yes, she did. And a lot of hard work went into that. So you had to wear them. Oh, I wore them. Did people notice? No, they didn't. Nope. Mike's about to cry. Did they notice? You asked? Did they notice? She pointed and laughed. Yes, they did. Explains a lot about some of the things that happen to you later in life. Oops. Did it again.

2:20:06Holy crap. OP did make corduroy shorts. You think my brother Steve had any jokes about the oops shorts? Oh, no. When he was sitting there watching TV, eating a Hot Pocket. Oh, here comes little Mikey. Oops. Hey, oops. Did you waddle in here and bring me some tea? My Hot Pocket, oops. Oh, my God. Here comes oops. Oops! Hey, oops! Mikey. He walks with a corduroy pants. Oh, my gosh. Sounding like a couple of rap artists are scratching a record. Oh, my cords. Can those never come back, please? Oh, my cords are so comfy. Horrific, horrific, horrific. I wore big, thick corduroys. M1's Cynthia from National City. Are you there?

2:21:08Hi there. Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing good. What did you get? So I got this awesome toy that was totally sold out all the time. It was called the My Size Barbie. The My Size Barbie. Yeah. It's like every feet. It was life size or how big was it? I was always a chunky kid. This doll came with like a leotard, like little bathing suit type looking thing. And it was pink and it had like a tutu and it was really pretty. And I tried this thing on. Oh, wow. Yeah, I waited a really long time and it totally did not fit. And I just remember thinking, this thing was sold out and it will never fit. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I didn't know that they made giant Barbies. They made them, yeah, they were not your size. I mean, depending on how old you were, I guess. Because I remember it being short, but they have clothes for you and clothes for the Barbie. So you guys match. Oh, boy. And so she said that...

2:22:14Stuff didn't fit. I had a real Barbie. It was a real person. No, it was a girl from Del Mar. Her name was Barbie. Her parents bought her. Yeah. She hung out in my room. We had sleepovers. She had a pink Corvette. Yeah, it was pretty cool. It was really cool. A hot boyfriend named Ken. M1 Andrew from Ramona. Are you there? Yeah, what's up? Not too much. So what did you want and what did you get? I remember being a young kid growing up in Yuma and all I wanted was Ninja Turtles. So bad. And I remember one year, go to open up these gifts. I'm going crazy on it. And I got these socks with traction on them.

2:22:51I just look at my mom and she thought they were the best things since sliced bread. Yeah, you wanted Ninja Turtles, you got traction socks. Virtually the same thing. This way, when you run on the linoleum, you won't slip. Yeah, you won't slip. That's a perfect thing for an eight-year-old. What more would an eight-year-old want than traction socks? I've told it before, I think, but one Christmas when I moved to Connecticut, it was cold up there, but all I wanted was a jean jacket. Just a denim jean jacket. You know, I was going to put cool patches on it. I got this. Bill, it was stuffed. It was made of denim, but it was puffy, and it had plaid on the inside. And I can literally remember walking to the bus stop like... It bunched up like a muffin top over the sides. I know that one. Puffy jean jacket. And it had a... Brown corduroy collar. Oh, God. I was like, I hate it. I don't want to wear it. Parents know how to get you just the thing. It's just a little different. I swear, man. I don't want to spoil my kids, but when it comes to stuff like that, I'm going to get them what they have for. Well, it's like, here's the thing. It's actually better to not get them.

2:24:07anything related to the thing unless it's what they want. Unless it's the exact one. Because it's either going to be a waste of your money or a humiliation for them. Andrew, how old are you? I am 26. 26? Yeah. Gotcha. Thanks for the call, man. Thank you. See ya. We left Yuma when I was 12 years old. Oh my goodness, do I have some terrible memories. I did a lot of business in that town. It is not fun. 123 degrees in the summertime. I don't mean good business. I mean bad business. Oh, man. M1 Wild Thing from Oceanside? Yes. What did you get? I've got at least three different Monopoly games or things from my parents because they have no idea what to get me anymore. So they get you a Monopoly game? That's okay. They're trying. How about a gift card? How about a gift card? Gift cards are not... They're boring. You know what else is boring? Monopoly. Yeah. That's boring. And if you have one, you've got them all. But it's something you can rap, you know? Yeah. It's nice. Hey, cool. Another Monopoly game. Hey, I'm 31. It's classic. I stopped playing board games 17 years ago. That's what we do with my cousins. We always have to send my cousins in Texas stuff. It's always a board game. It's like, I don't know. I already get them. M1, Erica from El Cajon. Hi, guys. Hi. Good morning. Good morning. So my family's tradition was to...

2:25:33Well, we did gag gifts for everyone, but our big tradition was to select one person to get the ultimate gag gift based off of something that they did during the family outings through the year. Well, one year, my cousin Tara came out camping with us, and we went on a really, really long hike. And long story short, she ended up going to the bathroom in her pants. Oh, no. She was like 24 at the time. Oh, man. So that year for Christmas. Yeah, I know. I'm curious, too. One or two. One or two. What do you think? Oh, no. That's a big difference. Oh, yeah. Of course. So that year for Christmas, she was the recipient of the letter. The letter was always written from, like, some CEO of some company. It really wasn't. One of my uncles would do it. Right. She was the recipient of a very, very large container of incontinence. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Bunch of pranksters. Thank you for the call. I have to go to class now, so thank you. Thank you. That's awesome. Yeah, Steve-O. I hope he's not listening. My brother Steve. Because it may have hurt his feelings. I hope it didn't hurt his feelings. It's tough to hurt Steve's feelings. No, it isn't.

2:26:53Is it not? Oh, God, he seems like such a hard ass. No, come on. We're all sensitive. We're all sensitive. It's the same thing with Woods. Woods is a sensitive guy. You wouldn't think so. You'd think he's pretty hard around the exterior. You're sensitive. When it comes to dogs and kids. Really? Yeah. You're sensitive, Woods. No, I'm not. Yeah, he is. No, I'm not. Okay. Okay. Well, maybe you're not. Maybe I thought you were. Aren't you? Dogs and kids. And everything else. And everything. Really? Steve gave a jacket for Christmas to our niece. She's 23. You know, she's a young, hip girl. He gave her a leather. That is risky. Oh, that's balls, man. Yeah. It's a leather jacket. A brown. Uh-oh. And she opened it up. This was, like, a Christmas ago. Maybe two Christmases ago. To him, he thinks he's getting her, like, the best gift ever. Is it Wilson's leather? It was kind of like. So he opens it up. Or she opens it up. She holds it up. Oh, no. And I couldn't help it. I go, pfft. Oh. Dead man. And she's holding it up so that he can't see her. Perfect. And she's looking at us like, oh. I go, help, help, help. I go, hey, Indiana Jones. Oh. Mike. Did you get her the whip, too? Oh, gosh. See, because leather jackets have made a comeback. But, like, cute.

2:28:24spitted stylish ones. No, this was Indiana Jones was going to take this to the Temple of Doom. Holy cow. Was he so mad? He was laughing. He was laughing and everybody was I was relentless. And then everybody started joining it. As soon as the floodgate got opened, it was on and everybody, we have pictures of it so I'll post a picture. I guarantee he was really trying to get her something nice too. Gift cards, people. I go, oh, when they raid the prize closet at the radio station again? I guarantee he found someone in the store that looked to be about your niece's age and was like, hey, would you wear this? Oh, man. Yeah, that or maybe it was a prize closet at the radio station. I don't know. Who knows? Do you really think it was? A hundred percent. It didn't have a logo on it, did it? A hundred. Did it have a logo? It had a missing patch the shape of an eagle. Did it have a logo on it? No. Okay. Oh, you mean a radio station logo? Yeah, like a radio station promo logo. No, no, no. Did it have a patch missing with the shape of some four call letters? Four letters? I'm just, I'm guaranteeing it. Oh, no. Wow. If he's listening right now, I'll call.

2:29:43You found it in the prize closet. Him and Gary Wood should go to lunch. Have a standoff to see who pays. Absolutely. 570-1949 is our phone number. Or you can text us if you want to text us about one. It's 949mikey at gmail.com. Let's see. The bed bug thing. Repugnant. The bed bug thing is so gross. Where is this happening? It's really happening all over, but in Ohio particularly, they're having a really bad bed bug infestation. So bad that people are choosing to sleep on the streets instead of in their home. Gross. Gross. Do you guys know the deal with bed bugs? Yeah. They're not good. I've had them in my house, and we had to tent our house and get out for like a week, and you buy like a new bed. I mean, we had to buy, took out the carpet in the house. Anything that's made out of fabric. They get... Everywhere. And oh, man, are they bad. So in Cincinnati, in particular, they're having a really hard time. Like I said, people are sleeping on the streets. And the Ohio Department of Agriculture is petitioning that the EPA, I don't know, they're just like, you need to do something. And I guess there's some in-home use called pro-poster, which is like a pe... A pro-poster. A pro-poster. Exactly. I get these words. Oops, wrong one.

2:31:09Yes. Basically what it is, it's a pesticide, and it's been banned since the 90s, but they're like, okay, we need to get this because nothing will get these bedbugs out. Yeah, LLB, I'm sure you feel great about that pesticide being used. My eyes are like the size of golf ball. What would you do, though? Would you do it? Do what Sienna did, rip everything out. Would you use the stuff? I don't think so. You'd have to. I'd move. Nothing else is killing it. Well, the EPA rejected the, they're not bringing this pesticide back. So you know it's not good. Right. So they're asking for Agent Orange instead. So they're having all these meetings like, what are we going to do? How are we going to get rid of this? Because, I mean, a lot of people, too, you can't, it's expensive to tent your house. I mean, and to buy a new bed, I mean, really, that's the extremity you need to go to when you get bed bugs. It's expensive, man, to get a new bed. I'll tell you, man, they did a, they did a. expose on Dateline where they went into all of these, I mean, in some cases, swanky hotels in New York City. And they were, like one of them, one of them for sure that I remember was the Crown Plaza in Times Square. It's a nice one. It's okay. Nice-ish. Nice-ish. Middle of the road. Okay.

2:32:33And because I don't remember specifically what the high end one was, I'm not going to say because I just don't remember. But they were pulling the boards back, you know, the backboards of these hotel beds and shining a light and you could see the bedbugs. Now, here's how they were getting there. They would have people flying in from other countries and in their luggage, in their clothing were bedbugs. They would lay them out on the bed and they would get into the bed. And then people would come and stay there and they would get into their clothing. And they would take them to all parts of the United States. That's what happens. That's why it's getting so bad. And they spread and they spread and they spread. They're like little fleas. When I was in Australia, I would meet people with, it looked like they had chicken pox. They would be staying in a hostel. And they would have had a bed... And the word would get out. I'm getting itchy. I'm getting itchy. It would be like, don't stay at that place because they have bed bugs there. Every time I left a hostel or something, I'd take everything that was made out of fabric and just wash it. Burn myself in gasoline. Burn it. Well, I pretty much got... When I came back to the States, I basically just kept everything there. Some people are really allergic to them, too. They're not good. My mom has permanent scars up her legs from these things. M1 Fuzzy from North Park has them right now. Oh, no. No!

2:33:52Wow, dude. You have them now? Oh. Oh. Oh, my gosh. And, like I said, six times. We don't know if our neighbors have them or not. So we don't know, like, every time we get rid of them, where do they keep coming from? Are they living in the walls? We did research. Guarantee your neighbor has them. A year without a food source. This is what? They can live for a year without a food source. Oh, wow. Is the food source us? They're just insane. Now, you know that when you have them, you don't just kill them. I'm itchy. You have to take... every single item of clothing that you have and put it in the dryer for a certain amount of time. We go spend $50 at the laundromat every single time this guy comes. Yeah, I mean, it's a night. It is a process. All your food. I mean, if you can tent your house, you have to get rid of all your food in your house.

2:35:04I mean, it is so much work. Sounds fabulous. See, I had to move out of a place in PB because it was infested with fleas, and we tried everything, and I couldn't decide to leave that place. Just left it behind. That is so gross. What they say when you do get them is whenever you're traveling on a plane, don't bring your luggage back in the house. Like, take your clothes from outside and put them directly in the dryer right away. And then don't bring your luggage in your house. Keep it in the garage. Keep it wherever. Creepy. Isn't that gross? That's creepy. It's insane. Thank you, dude. Thanks for the call. Wow. Nothing worse. I don't want to talk about it anymore. So we were talking about the stuff that dudes don't like that girls wear. We were talking about that like last week or something. There's something new. And I purposefully do not want to know until we come back. I haven't asked Sienna what it is. I want her to tell me when we come back. But there's something new called jeggings. And apparently they are becoming very popular. Jeggings. So we're going to find out what jeggings are next. Footloose, right? You know that. What scene is this? I'll tell you exactly when it happens. John Lithgow says, what does he say? He says something about how do we trust our kids, or if we can't trust our kids, when will they ever learn to become trustworthy? Please join me in prayer for the senior class of...

2:37:13Whatever, high school. That's when he lets them go on the dance. I thought you said you like girls. Did you not see Wren McCormick slaying girls in that movie? Wren? Wren McCormick. If you want to see something, speaking of Kenny Loggins, if you want to see one of the funniest things you've ever seen, besides Lionel Richie's video for Hello. Hello. Without a doubt, the number one creepiest video of all time. For sure. No question. If you want to see something funny, go to YouTube and find Kenny Loggins and his video for the video Forever. It's a slow song. Is it creepy? It's not creepy. It's not about creepy. It's about funny. It's about funny. Yeah.

2:38:05Because you see it now and you go, oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And was he doing it funny or is he doing it serious? That's what makes it funny. He meant it. The Lionel Richie video that he did for Hello. That's why it's funny. The guys from Slipknot called and they're like, that's a creepy video. Yeah, for sure. That's a really creepy video. Insane Clown Posse was like, that's so weird. You're a weirdo. You're a weirdo. Jim Gunn was like, you know. That is so weird, man. Like a stalker. Get that off my screen. Remind me to never attempt doing a James Young version. Oh, my gosh. Independence Jam, FM 94.9's Independence Jam, Coastal Invasion 2010, presented by Miller Lite and Scion. Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros, Rogue Wave, the Whigs, Delta Spirit, Local Dudes, Delta Spirit, is going on August 29th at the Oceanside Pier, and it's $30. Real cheap, and the local stage is going to be cool. Silent comedy, Nervous Records, The Burning of Rome, White Apple Tree. It's good. Get your tickets now. And don't forget that tomorrow the entire show is wearing pregnancy bellies. Including Sienna's real pregnancy belly. That's right. I'm not wearing an additional one. So, Sienna, what are jeggings? They're leggings and jeans.

2:39:29Oh, I'm very familiar with these as I wore them to our meet and greet. No, you didn't. Didn't I? Jeggings are skin tight. They look like jeans. Yes. They look like jeans, but they're stretchy, tight, tight, tight spandex. Yeah, I've seen them. I don't like them. Look at that picture. Oh, wow. Don't ever open your mouth, Mikey, and say that we'll wear jeggings somewhere. I don't know. I don't think guys wear jeggings. Yeah, they won't make them for guys. I wore them. They're so tight that... Most of them, at least the ones I've seen, have a zipper around the ankle to get your foot in, and then you zip it back down. These are girls wearing these right now. And you have to be so skinny to wear them. Those are God awful. Yeah, you have to be a stick to wear those. It's terrible fashion. Terrible fashion. Do you see how much they cost? No. How much? Did you see this? Some of them, the high end? Oh, yeah. Almost $400. What? It's going to be like regular jeans, you know? $3.89. But that's, I mean, you can also get them at Walmart for $12 a pair. Wait, designer jeans for chicks cost $400? Yeah. Well, the high-end ones. Really? There's like two tops. No, not tops. No, there's... Like DJs for dudes, if they're like expensive designer jeans, they're like $200. My wife bought me some DJs yesterday. They're a little tight. I'll wear them tomorrow. You're such a dork.

2:40:53Oh, wow. I'm not even sure how I feel about that. The whole thing creeps me out. They're so expensive these days. Oh, my gosh. $389 for these disgusting. Dude, those look horrible. They look horrible. Like, Sienna Miller wears them. What a cool name she has. Knock yourself out. Beyonce wears them. Beyonce does? Yeah, Kim Kardashian wears them. Which is a little risky. Yeah, junk in the trunk. They got junk in the trunk. They are not chunky, either one of those. They are chunky. They are not. What? You're an awful person. They're chunky. You are insane. They both weigh like 130 pounds. They are small. Chunky. Wow. Did you just shrug your shoulders? Hang on. Hang on. Wait a second. I'm appalled. I said 130 pounds. Raise your hand in here if you've seen Kim Kardashian's sex tape. I'm the only one in here with my hand up. I've seen it. She's chunky. I've seen it. She's chunky. No, she's lost so much weight. She was chunky. Fine. She's got a booty that's big and plenty. She's on diet ads and stuff because she's super skinny now. Google me, image me. I am upset. Hang on. Wait, wait. I have to explain myself. Wait, I want to explain. I said 130 pounds and you gave Woods a look like, kind of chunky. Hang on. I'm upset. Can I please discuss this? Go for it. Good luck. We need a point of reference. Okay.

2:42:20L.O.B. is skinny. 100%. Do we all agree that L.O.B. is skinny? I won't say she's skinny. She's good for her height. What? Nobody likes to be called skinny. She's skinny. I'm not skinny. You're skinny. I'm fit. She's fit. That's what I'm going for. 100%. You're absolutely fit. Skinny is not what you're going for. Okay, can I say this? Thin? Can I say that you're thin? Yeah, sure. I'll take that. You said it like you were going to slit my throat. No, no, no, but skinny is like scape off. Skinny is like me. Fine. No, not like me. You're thin and fit. Is that okay to say? Sure. Lauren can wear skinny jeans, no problem. Do you hear the ice cracking beneath your feet? Because I do. Yeah. I hear it. Run. I'm trying to help you get out. It's Minnesota. It's February. Mikey and I are on a pod. I hear ducks going. Mikey and I are walking across the pond. Yeah, and we're walking on it. Very gingerly. It's very thin. It's very thin. It could break any second. We could fall through it. If these two facts are true, if Beyonce and Kim Kardashian are 130 pounds, fact A. Fact B, you believe me to be thin, then they are not chunky. I said chubby.

2:43:36Chubby. Chunky. Whatever you said. You said chunky. They're chunky. You said chunky. You said chunky. All I'm saying is that Beyonce and Kim Kardashian, in comparison to L.O.B., are chunky. No! 100%! No, they're not. They have a different shape than she does. They are not. Just because they're curly does not mean they're chunky. Can you Google image? Oh, my gosh. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I don't know, Mike. I don't even know what you're talking about, Mike. They have a completely different shape. So, like, you're only skinny if you look like Lauren? No, no, dear. First of all. You're beautiful no matter what. And I have hips and I have a butt. And if I were on stage next to. Beyonce? He said it. I'd probably look chunky. He said chunky. Mike, you're worse right now. You're in more trouble. No, no, no, no, no, no. I saw your look. You can't just shake your neck seriously. Mike is panicking right now. Google image me. Google image her. Okay, Lindsay Lohan. What do you think of Lindsay Lohan? She has a shape like Lauren. Lindsay Lohan? Yeah. She looks like Lauren with big boobs. She looks like Lauren.

2:44:45No. Lindsay Lohan is in the 120s. She's got boobs and no butt. Lindsay Lohan is in the 120s. Forget weight. I don't know weight. I don't know weight. I'll bet you money that Beyonce's not 130. I don't know weight. And neither is Kardashian. And I don't know weight. Kim Kardashian is like 115 last I read. When I was talking about her, I didn't know she'd lost to the weight. She has 130 in her backseat. That backseat is booming. Oh my goodness. That backseat is booming. Do you think Jennifer Lopez is chunky? I don't know. I think her backseat is booming as well. How is that chunky? I don't know. I just want to go home. I'm so upset. I'm coming over there. I'm looking. I'm looking. I don't have it yet. I don't have it yet. She's going to try to find some Photoshop stretched out carnival mirror. Here, I'll go to the first one I see, Kim Kardashian. But I'm telling you, she's skinny. Now. Oh, my gosh. Right? Oh, my gosh. I'm so upset. You guys. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. You think that Scarlett Johansson is one of the most beautiful women ever. Yeah, absolutely. She has the same figure. Time out. How come it's gone to, like,

2:46:00That's bad. We're not saying it's bad. It's not bad. Obviously Kim Kardashian is booming. I'm going to put on my resume or wherever. Oh, by the way, I'm chunky. No, but that's not a good thing to say. Why would you put that on your resume? On a talent resume. I'm chunky? They're fuller figures. Fuller figured. They are not fuller figured. She's plus size. They are not plus size. I thought you meant like chubby chaser. There's thin and then there's a fuller figure. Kiersey Alley is fuller figure. Kiersey Alley is fat. Let's put it in like sexy terms like pleasantly plump. No! I hate you. We're saying it wrong? I love you but I hate you. We have to break. She looks pretty good there. She is so hot. Just because she has a butt, that means she's chunky? You know what? Six million men would disagree with you guys. Really? Six million? Yes. You guys are sick. Pull up the sex tape. Oh my gosh. Okay, let me just pull it up while we're live. She's legs like tree trunks. I'm just going to ask a question. That is not chunky. Is that skinny? Yes. Go back to your desk. I'm going to go back to my desk. So what's going on in sport?

2:47:13Yeah. Okay. She's gorgeous. She's stunning. She's stunning. Her stomach is so flat, she has a butt and hips and boobs. That means chunky. No! Sounds like a whale. Woods, why don't you say words? She's curvy. Yeah. For the record, I never said chunky. I didn't say. I didn't say. Jay never said chunky. I know, Jay. You're fine, Jay. Thank you. Weird. Mikey and Woods. What? Despicable. How? Hey, hey, hey. I didn't say that. Hey. Oh, my God. Right back. Comfortable five minutes? Yeah. Maybe it turns 10 o'clock and we get the hell out of here. How about that? Maybe we just had a five-minute conversation where we kept digging deeper holes. Oh, yeah. Maybe Hillary comes in and kills us all. Oh, we're dead. Maybe you try to guess my weight again, Mike. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. A carnival ride? Oh, boy. It's almost 10. I mean, the bottom line is, guys, don't try to guess our weight. Don't try to categorize us in categories. Because no matter what you say, you're going to be wrong. You'll go wrong every time. Yeah, you're dead. I told them. I go, don't, don't. Just don't. Just don't. M1 Lush from San Diego. Hello. Hello. I kind of wanted to back you guys up a little bit. Thank you. You are big. I'm upset.

2:48:42I think, well, no, I think maybe voluptuous may have been a better word. Yeah. That is what I said. Voluptuous. That's what I said. Voluptuous. Curvy. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, I don't know if anyone like brought up their height. I think Tim K is somewhere around like 5'3". If that. Yeah, if that. So 130 for being 5'3". It translates to looking a little heavier, I think. It doesn't. Oh, wow. Muscle weighs twice as much as fat, so you just can't use numbers like that. Yeah, and it's solid rock muscle. Yeah, well, I'm 5'9", and I weigh 130, and if I asked somebody to guess my weight, I'm sure they would never say. No. If you're 5'9", 130, you look probably very svelte. Skinny. Thin. Thin. That's skinny. Thin. So, yeah, it looks totally different depending on the height, but I would say voluptuous. Voluptuous. So uncomfortable right now. Voluptuous. Thank you for the call. All right, thanks. We're dead. M1, Lisa from Point Loma. Hello? Not Lisa. Hi. Not Lisa. Hello? Hi, Lisa. Go ahead.

2:49:46Hi. Oh, I just wanted to comment and say that I think that it might just be too much woman for them to handle. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, exactly. I think there is... I'd like to try, though. Yes. Anyway, that's all. Thank you, Lisa. What upset me was that it's like... In a man's eyes, you have to be like a stick skinny to be even in the category as skinny. No, you don't. Even when you have hips and boobs and a butt. I'm in. There's not much you can do about that. And I would say that you can be very skinny if you have big boobs and a butt. I'm all the way in on hips, boobs, and butt. My three favorite things, literally. And brain. Throw that in there. Yeah. Really? Guess who's on the line. Your wife. It's off topic. No, it's M1 Winder. Oh. What up, Winder? Hey, guys. Is he saving us? I want to see if you guys knew of a good laser tattoo removal. Why is that? Well, I was thinking I could go with you guys. Woods could get his flaming Oreo removed. I would like my booster off my leg. Your Kellogg's booster? Yep. Kellogg's. Kellogg's. Oh, man. That's fantastic. You guys are killing me. I heard that hurts so bad.

2:51:00What? Not as much as my feelings right now. Gotta get that target off your back. Winder has his name tramp stamped on his lower back. He sure does. And we call him out at least once a week. Maybe once a day. Seriously, I'm going to take a raise into that thing tonight. No, Winder. Look what you made me do, my kid. I knew it. It bleeds. We love you, Winder. Bye. Later, guys. Bye. See ya. Hey, I'm all about the laser removal of my tattoo. L.O.B. I have a friend in Dallas that got, when he was 18, got a giant leprechaun. And I mean like a six-incher on his arm. He's gone to like 40 sessions. Oh, great. And he comes back and he's like, and it's still, I'm like. Oh, there he is. And he calls him Mick. And I'm like, oh, he's like, look at Mick. I'm like, you can still see him, dude. He's gone to like 40 sessions. Thousands of dollars later. Yeah, and he's like, it hurts so freaking bad. And you can still see it. Maybe I don't. And it, oh, man. It's not worth it, man. It's expensive, and you have to go so many times. Really? I say, LLB, I say, you know, like me, I got what looks like a flaming softball on my back. I'm not, I'm like, I'll just deal with it. At least you can hide yours. That's true.

2:52:10570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Let's see. What else do I want to tell you? How about the most dangerous things that you can do online? Yes. Now, this is like security stuff. Like if you're on a public computer and you go on your email and you check the box that says keep me signed in. Uh-huh. Don't ever do that. Really? It scares me to even do that on my own computer. Yeah. Well, yeah, that makes sense if you're in a public one. Yeah, because then people can just be back on your email. Sometimes it's checked by default. So check it and you have to. Yeah. Well, yeah, sometimes it's always checked a lot of times. Yeah. Also, another thing. That's dangerous online. Failing to update your Microsoft Windows, Java, Adobe Reader, Adobe Flash. Always update that stuff. I ignore those all the time. I do too. Oh, all the time. You do? Uh-huh. Because I'm in the middle of doing something and it's like, I don't know, come up and say that I need to update something. You're like, oh, get out of here. That's PC. I think that only happens on PC because that don't happen. We have updates on ours. Yeah, but they happen automatically. Yeah, but you have to click that you do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2:53:22Another thing that could be hazardous when you're online, searching for celebrity gossip, incriminating material, like maybe a sex tape and stuff. What? Also, searching for free porn is very good. What? Oh, come on. The online gaming, the free, especially the free ones, the social games, and stuff like on Facebook can all... Farmville. Yeah, they'll get you. I wonder if watching True Blood on a pirated website could possibly make your Mac crash. I wonder. Leaving Facebook privacy settings wide open. You know, that's like, hi, here's all my personal information. Don't do that. Connecting to unknown wireless networks. Using the same password to every account. Don't do it. Connecting to unknown wireless network? That's sketchy, man, doing that. Yeah, stealing wireless from people. Do you not pay for wireless? No, I have it now, but if I go to a coffee shop or anywhere and it picks up some random signal. That's the thing. Is that unknown wireless? No, it's like randomly you'll just be, because everybody has wireless now, you'll just be somewhere and it'll be like...

2:54:38junk in the trunk network is available. It's not password protected. And I'll be like, oh, okay, I'll sign in. Because on my iPhone, whenever I go on the internet, it always tells me what I'm connecting to. And it could be like Joe's Cafe down the street or something that I'm driving by. I remember being in, trying to connect a brand new Bluetooth in my car. And I was at a red light. And it said Natalie's phone. But I guess Natalie was right next to me. And it was trying to connect to Natalie's phone. And I wonder if she was in her car like, whoa, what kind of creeper is trying to tap into my phone right now? That's really weird. Start taking her phone calls. Hello, it's Natalie. Hi, Hill. Hi, Hill. Have you guys heard about, I just read something about this, people who name their wireless network like bring a six-pack to apartment 3G or whatever. No. That's funny. Brilliant. Yeah, you want to steal it, you pay me for it. Sure. Right? I like that. Hill, what do you got coming up? Grab the new Interpol and the new Arcade Fire. I'll get those on. Some old Devo, some kind of random Smashing Pumpkins and Edward Sharp.

2:55:46Very cool. Very cool. All right, the lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and I'm going to go get my little scope thing done, and I'll see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. We'll be back. Mike shows out later.