The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/25/11

0:05I know the question that is on your mind. Mikey, are you okay? Because of what happened with Apple. I'm fine. You sure? I'm fine. Yes. If you don't know, we'll tell you in a second what's going on. It's the biggest news of the day. It's on the cover of, in the front of every newspaper today. Why are there crumbled up tissues all around your chair? All around your chair. I feel like I told him in the right way. He knew how you felt, right? He did. Yeah. He's an M1. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. It's Krause. That's Krause. Word of the day, orchestra. So when you hear me say the word orchestra, all you have to do is be caller number nine, and I will give you a $50 gift certificate to Crossroads.

1:05At the House of Blues, which is good, delicious food. Real good. And you'll also get a pair of tickets to go see Arctic Monkeys and TV on the radio. And that is happening on September 24 at SDSU. So, yes, Steve Jobs has retired or, excuse me, resigned as CEO of the Apple Corporation. It's okay, little fella. Work through it. Find another guy. This is Steve from 2007 introducing a new invention from Apple Corporation called the iPhone. We're introducing three revolutionary products of this class. A widescreen iPod with touch controls, a revolutionary mobile phone, and a breakthrough internet communications device.

2:22An iPod, a phone, and an Internet communicator. An iPod, a phone. These are not three separate devices. This is one device, and we are calling it iPhone. Today, Apple is going to reinvent the phone. Wow. Wow is right. They did it. They sure did, man. They did it. You know, we've never looked back. And is this the song that I always thought should be in an Apple commercial? No, it isn't. Sorry. That's it. Yes. 100%. You can hear it like the iPhone. This is the greatest phone I have ever had, bar none. Hey, Woodsy, I was actually thinking that the other day. You were at the house, and when we were watching the movie, and you were getting text messages, and I actually, in my head, thought to myself, I wonder if he likes that phone. I do. You do? Yeah.

3:50You want your old one back? No. You do not? No. You do enjoy this phone more than your old one? Very much. My hard case broke on it, and so I'm carrying around Mike Esparza style, which feels like I'm carrying around a piece of china. As long as you don't drop it. I don't drop mine. I drop stuff sometimes. Dude, I'd put it in a case. I bought a new one. Mine broke too. Your case? Your phone? My phone broke, and then... the case also broke. So I bought a new, the same case that Woodsy had. Me, Woodsy, and L.O.B. all have the iPhone. L.O.B., do you want to go back to your old phone? No. You do not? I have a little bit of an issue with the touch keyboard. I always seem to hit the wrong button, so I'm still getting used to it. Now, the thing is, is that every iPhone user, when they first got their iPhone, that was an issue for everybody. It was an issue for me. And before they released... the iPhone, they tested it out for a long time. So people at Apple had it for a long time. And what they discovered was, is that over a period of time, you got pretty proficient at it. Well, you're a dual thumb texter. And I am not. I am a single thumb texter. So this SOB can be a pain for me. But even the single thumb texters get proficient. I'm getting a little better. You know what I always do?

5:15There's the arrow button that capitalizes stuff. I always, if you look at mostly all of my texts, there'll be one letter capitalized in there because my fat thumb will hit me. Or if you have the droid, you just hit a button and it records what you say and then texts out. The droid is the size of a trapper keeper, too. I knew it was coming, but you can. A droid ripped off iPhone. That's why there was 50 billion losses. Sometimes you make it better. It's also the size of a Trapper Keeper. Really? It's really the size. You're holding a loaf of bread up to your ear. Do you know that I can play Battleship on here? And I play Battleship on this son of a gun 50 times a day. And I mean Battleship. The good Battleship. Where you fire and it has the pegs. The whole bit. It's incredible. Well, you know... And obviously, as a Apple shareholder, when I got when I got the little message yesterday that said that Steve Jobs was going to retire, I thought, oh, boy, I wonder how that's going to affect the stock. However, I knew that this was coming. And I think that a lot of people knew that it was coming. Pancreatic cancer. And so I think a lot of people knew that it was coming.

6:31We just didn't know when. I've never heard of this, but apparently Steve Jobs is well known for using the phrase one more thing. This is a montage. There is one more thing. There is one more thing. But there's one more thing. But there is one more thing. But we do have one more thing today. But there is one more thing. But there's one more little thing. So I got one more thing. I think that that has been part of the successful diagram. Is that the right? No, that's the wrong word to use. Model. Model. That's been part of the model. Part of the model is that when they create something, they always want to have a one-two punch. They don't ever want to go, hey, guys, here's something called the eye pen. And it's going to write words down for you as you speak.

7:35And it'll do it for you. It's never enough for Apple to do that. They always want to go, oh, and one more thing. It's also going to babysit your children. And then everybody goes, wow. So the replacement for Steve Jobs is going to be a guy named Tim Cook. Not to be confused with the guy that created Samuel Adams' beer, Jim Cook. Hi, this is Tim Cook. Owner and creator of Sam Adams Beer. Here is the press release. Steve's made countless contributions to Apple's success, and he's attracted and inspired Apple's immensely creative employees and world-class executive team. In his new role as chairman of the board, Steve will continue to serve Apple with his unique insights, creativity, and inspiration. The board has complete confidence.

8:41that Tim's the right person to be our next CEO. Tim's 13 years of service to Apple have been marked by outstanding performance and he has demonstrated remarkable talent and sound judgment in everything that he does. So that was the announcement. Now, what I don't know and what I would like to know is these incredible ideas, the iPod, the iPhone. The MacBook Air. All of these really incredible inventions. I don't know if they were Steve's ideas or if it was just him that sort of guided the ship, you know, monetarily and innovatively. Like maybe it was Steve's idea to package the way that they package. Because they package in a very unique way.

9:41Unlike other companies, other companies, when you buy something from them, for instance, Microsoft, if you buy something from Microsoft, all the boxes are different. They all look different depending on what the product is that you're buying. But when you get Apple, everything's in a white box. And when you open it up, it's packaged in a very cool way that makes it real fun for you to open up because I think they tuned into the fact that everybody's a little kid. even though they're grown-ups, and they like to open up packages, and it's a very cool package, the way that you open it up. It's very easy to do. Maybe it was Steve's idea to get away from all of that code talk that you get with Windows and to just talk in normal person language, which is what Apple does. Instead of saying, error message 4291, it says, restart your Apple, which is cool, you know? And so I don't know how much input he had with the company in terms of coming up with all of these products. I think the bottom line is that he has run that company so well that it doesn't matter. I mean, you know that there are think tanks in that building. That's all those guys do is they just sit and think of new cool things to do. Why there's probably a lack of consumer confidence if the stock goes down.

11:05is that the guy has been the best captain of any ship ever. I mean, the guy is, you know, Apple is wealthier than the United States of America. I mean, they are profitable. He ran that whole ship by him, you know, but not by himself, but he's the leader of the pack, you know, so. Okay, now this is going to be important to note because Wall Street has not opened yet. So yesterday, Apple closed at 376.18. If you wanted to buy one share of Apple stock, it would cost you $376.18. So when the market opens this morning, let's see what happens. It may be that consumers don't have confidence because he's not running the company anymore. I'll tell you what will give them confidence, the fall. In the fall, I believe they're going to release the new iPhone.

12:03And it's going to do a lot of cool stuff. If it drops down by it now, it's going to go back up in the fall. Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. M1, Apple Freak from San Diego. What's up? Not much, guys. Yeah, there's a million things I want to say, but obviously I'll keep it short here. But the main thing I want to say is you're asking about it. Steve Jobs said, like, a lot of things to deal with the iPhone and all that. I know lots of the things inside the iPhone were his idea. And it's just like that's Steve's main thing is just being good at creating things and making up like new ideas. Like that's what brought him back to the company was obviously coming up with the idea for the next and which is a huge program of these to this day. But yeah, but he's still going to be staying on as the creative developer for Apple. So I think they're still going to do amazing, even though, you know, he's stepping down as the head of the ship, as you can say. But yeah, so. Sorry, there's a million people in this room now. But, yeah, I think they're going to do fine right now, no matter what. Yeah. Hey, I appreciate the phone call, man. Thank you. All right. Thanks. So we'll be talking about that throughout the morning. But what about Steve Woods? Yeah. Speaking of Steve's. What about the fryer haircut? What about the arguments we had yesterday? When?

13:41And where will he shave that friar tuck into his head when the Padres win their sixth game in a row? Not so much. Lucky SOB. I know all of you sadistic, mean creeps were so disappointed. I was too. Everybody was disappointed except for me. And Mrs. Jamie R. Woods. That's the only two people in this world. I saw a few supporters of you. One or two. Your mom. My mom, Whoopi, and HB, I think, that was it. Well, they lost 2-1. And Tim Lincecum got his first RBI of the year, which was the game winner. Oh, my gosh. And they won 2-1. Lincecum threw... 2-1. 2-1, dude. Lincecum threw eight innings.

14:44Gave up four hits, one earn run. He walked five and struck out seven. And Tim Stauffer pitched pretty well, too. But, dude, you want to talk about a gut-wrenching evening at the Woods house last night. I did not want to shave this frigging thing into my head. Why not? If you don't know what a fryer cut is, it's just a round, bald circle on the top of your head. And Woods' hair has gotten long, so it's going to be embarrassing if he ever has to. I think the season's going to end. Yeah. I think the season's going to end and you're not going to have to pay that bet off. I think so, too. And I wanted to go five games and every, oh, you're such a monster, Mike. Would have had it if it was five, pal. Would have had it. Would have. Could have. Should have. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

15:33Right? Two to one. Well, there you go. Two to one. Two to one. Two to one. Two to one. It's got to feel good. It feels so good. Yeah. Now, I fell asleep last night listening to the game and woke up. My laptop was dead. I fell asleep. I remember exactly. 2.20 this morning. I rolled over. I grabbed my cell phone and I went, okay, man. I hit MLB and I scrolled all the way down. It's the very last score. And it said, Padres 1, Giants 2. And I remember smiling, turning it off, rolling over, and going, right back to sleep. I bet. It was awesome. I bet. So Hurricane Irene is now a story. Because Hurricane Irene, they're saying, has the potential to be one of the historic hurricanes. They're saying that based on their current storm track projections, Hurricane Irene has two scenarios shaping up. Bad and worse. Those are the two scenarios that they're looking at. It's going to cut across Long Island and into New England. Probably, probably as a Category 2 storm.

17:04Now, that means big-time storm surge on all the back bays of Long Island and from the ocean, and then massive power disruption, tremendous wind damage. Maybe it blows down Fenway Park. Oh. Oh, stop. Wow. What? Wow-y. What? What did I say? What did I say? Maybe it floods it and makes it into the toilet that it actually is. Holy smoke! You know? I mean, hopefully nobody's in there. Except for Dustin Pedroia. But, you know, it's no big deal. That's a big deal for Dustin's family. Yeah. Well, listen. That hurricane is barreling through the ocean right now. And picking up winds.

18:02It's only getting stronger, and when it hits, it's going to be big. Do they know when it's going to hit? They believe it will hit about 2 a.m. on Sunday morning. Wow, man. 2 a.m. Sunday morning, it should make landfall. All my friends on the east coast of New Jersey are hoping that it comes so that they get waves this weekend. Wow. Oh, that's weird. Hey, Ella B., you grew up in New Jersey. Mm-hmm. Have you been through this before? Have you ever had, like when hurricanes go through the East Coast? Yeah, they usually get downgraded to some sort of storm. Now, we had hurricanes. There was one when I was like probably six years old where I remember things got messed up. You were in the bathtub with mom and dad with the mattress. Yeah, we were sleeping in the hall. We used to have to sleep in the hallways a lot.

18:54My brothers and sisters, and we would kick each other. But they were just like, they were big storms. Yeah, but they would sometimes also be hurricanes, just not, you know, whatever the rating system is, it was pretty low. Yeah, it was like a tropical storm. Yeah, but one time, like, there was rooftops and stuff all over the yard. I thought it was cool because I was little. By the way, according to Amy Winehouse's parents, there were no illegal substances. found in her system at the time of her death. This is what her family is saying in a written statement. Results indicate that alcohol was present, but it cannot be determined as yet if it played a role in her death. I just think that's strange, but extremely. Anyway, that's the news. And, by the way, Janie Lane, lead singer of Warrant, who died in a hotel. They've released the 911 tapes of that. And we got some of that. Plus, Jim Carrey's acting all weird. I don't know if you've heard about Jim Carrey and his video that he made. We'll tell you about it. Now's our chance. Let's do it. More from The Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that.

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27:37This report, it's brought to you by McDonald's. 42-ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at McDonald's for a limited time. Choose from a variety of icy cold drinks. Now many McDonald's are open 24 hours. Well, it looks like you've got a little bit of a backup here this morning on the 15 southbound at the 76 due to an accident. That left lane's blocked. A couple cars involved there. Also, the 94 at Honey Springs Road, we had a disabled tractor trailer causing a pretty big delay. It was stuck in lanes. They've just cleared it out of the lanes. You should be able to get through. And the 15 southbound between... Center City Parkway in the 15. Looks like that's flowing pretty good right now. Usually starts to bunch up. This report brought to you by SDG&E. If you own a pool, save money with a variable speed pool pump and get a $200 rebate from SDG&E on qualified models. For details, visit SDGE.com slash save energy. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Thick. I don't like thick vibes. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. Woods. Oh, I want filth. I want straight filth. As filthy as it can get. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. Don't forget the word of the day is orchestra. And we get that 911 call.

29:42about Janie Lane, and that's in just a second, so hang on for that. Oh, and we also have hidden audio thanks to our friend Jay. D. That's right. This is going to be embarrassing. Yes, it is. I think I even said don't use it, and Woods goes, ah, let me use it. Well, it's funny, but it's embarrassing for you and I. Oh, it's very embarrassing. Jay's just a prankster. Yeah, that's one word for it. Yeah. That's one way you could describe it. Shine some light on your love affair. Isolate. There's really no mistake there. He's just slow to come out. Shed some light. Thank you. So this is an employee at the Comfort Inn where they found Janie Lane, lead singer, a warrant when he was dead calling the cops. Here's what it sounded like.

30:50Okay, so what's the problem there? Tell me exactly what happened. Okay. One of the housekeeping, you know, like, he checked. The guy, like, maybe he's dead because... Do you know about how old approximate age the patient is? Maybe, like, 50. Okay, male? How old do you think Janie Lane actually was? Because I don't... 47, I believe. Okay. Male? So do you know if they're conscious? You don't know? Or do you think that the patient's already passed away? I think passed away because when they checked, the guy, like, his eyes is open in the mouth and they're not breathing. Was there an odor? Well, he wants to know how long has it been? What do we got to be prepared for? Older. No, they didn't really go inside. So maybe housekeeping thinks that he's dead. Oh, man. Did that make you laugh? It did. He can't help it. I am who I am. I'm going to laugh at that. When he said, is there an odor? And she was like, no, older.

32:19Yes, he's older. Yes, he's older. That is funny. I think somebody said it. Older. No, no, no. Is there an odor? Yes, he's older. Rest in peace, Janie Lane. I love you. You know that. He knows that. I saw Red, Uncle Tom's Cabin, all the way in on the whole thing. Blind Faith. Didn't like it. I'm in on the whole thing. Not a Warren guy. I love Warren. All of them had the same dumb hair. Who cares about their hair? I'm talking about the tunes that used to get me to second base, pal. That's all I care about. You know what, though, bro? You turn on MTV, because back then, remember MTV used to play videos? Oh, yeah. That was a long time ago. A long time ago. For a lot of people listening right now, you don't know this, so I'll tell people that are, you know, say, under 25. MTV, they used to play music videos. All day long. All day long, you could watch music videos. And they don't do that. in the business of that anymore, but they used to. But anyway, I always thought that the lamest videos in the world were poison with the stupid hair and the stupid outfits. I thought it was dumb. And I also thought it was dumb because it was like Weird Al to me. It was shtick. It was like shtick. It was like shtick. You put on I Won't Forget You by Poison.

33:43and you're in your friend Fenwick's basement with a little angel in ninth grade, and then you tell me it's schtick. And I can understand that intellectually, but let me tell you, when I think of that song, it sounds like... It sounds like... A pukey singer. Like, it always sounded like a guy that didn't really have a lot of singing talent, like Sebastian Bach. He didn't. That's the deal. He didn't. And even when I was young, I could recognize that. Oh, boy, Simon Cowell. None of the girls I knew were into that music either. They were way out. The dudes were into it. You're 60 years old. The girls you dated were into Sinatra. Hey, dude. I liked, and you tell me. But when you hear a voice like Steven Tyler, you go, yeah, to me at the time, that was cool because he sang good. Or there was somebody else in the band that was like a virtuoso. But see, okay, you just made your point because you were about to say, like David Lee Roth, that guy couldn't sing a lick. But you got Eddie Van Halen. Take Eddie Van Halen out of Van Halen. You don't have anything. That's true.

34:52But, you know, David Lee Roth couldn't sing a lick. Not a lick. You're right. But he's a great frontman, and he got you late. Hey, listen. They could have had Bret Michaels with... They could have had Bret... I can't forget you, baby. Easy. Is that what he did? Play it. I can't... I won't forget you, babe. I won't forget you, babe. Yes. Maybe the kids' band Gypsy Rose used to cover that song. So it's a little near and dear to my heart. You could have had him and Van Halen. It would have worked. Why? Of course it would have worked because they had a virtuoso on the guitar. C.C. DeVille was a really good guitar player. Really good. Was? He was. Yeah, he was. Yes, he was. He was. Dude, listen to a song called Life Goes On. That was an embarrassing thing you just said. It's not. Okay, I can prove it. I can prove it. There's a song called Life Goes On that they did. The solo that he plays in that, dude, I know a lot of solos and a lot of music. It's my favorite solo of all time. Oh, yeah. It's better to... Here's me in the basement. I understand you made out to it, Woods. What a nightmare. I don't mean it's good.

36:06It has a special place in my pants. Poor Lauren. Woods comes at her with his tongue out. Woods just went after Lauren with his tongue out. That's not the first time. It isn't. At the break, I'm going to play you the solo. No, no, no. I'm doing it. You made me watch Das Boot. I'm going to play you the solo from Life Goes On. And you're going to go, holy crap, man. That's a rad solo. All right. We'll do that. We'll bet. I'll bet you a dollar. Okay. Okay. Let me read you this email, and then we're going to do some hidden audio for you. But I want to get input on this. Tell me what you think about this. Or should we do the audio first? Do it. All right. Fine. Set it up. Get it over with. Woods and I were in the bathroom this morning. Weird. We had a double barrel. Double barrel. One guy is in one barrel. It's not a plan. It happens. It's a plan. It's a plan. Let's just call it one. It's a plan. You said, hey, I'm going. And I'm going. I got to go. You got to go. So let's double barrel. That's a plan. Once we called it. Double sniff stinkiness. That's gross. So Jay walked in to use the urinal. Allegedly. Is there any cursing in this? I don't think so. That makes me nervous when you say it. You didn't? Okay, because that's it. Did you curse? No. I almost did. Hey, fellas. Hey.

37:33By the way, is that now because that happened? I don't know if you were telling the truth. If you weren't telling the truth, is the meeting right after the show? Yes. Will we be done by 11? Yeah, absolutely. He left and turned the light off. So we're in pitch black. That's Woods taking the palm of his hand and banging it against the tile, which makes me really uncomfortable when he does. And the reason is because it's 180 degrees from the way that I would react. Yes. I, in my mind, I would say to myself, oh, that'll make a very loud noise. Yes. But Woods, he's not interested. He's okay with really loud noises. He is. He likes to make them. Yes. And so he did that. They sound all that loud because it scares me. That's how much it scares me. They sound like a kid.

39:08Mike, you can't get a room that's more black than this room. There were rooms in Ansel Adams' basement that were not this dark. Dude, come on, Jake. He's gone. Come on. You guys are gross. Wait. You're sitting there on the toilet next to each other? As opposed to... Go in one at a time, give a grace period, and then the next one goes in. That's disgusting. This is saving time. It's gross. Sitting there in the dark. Jay! What are you doing? I'm sobbing. I can't see. What's in front of me? Dude, I can't. What's in front of me? Okay, good. Where? He hit his leg. And I was laughing at the time, but that scared me. Are you all right? I'm fine. I bang my knee. Jay!

40:25Where is the light? I'm going to tell you. I want to tell you because if you just hear it, it won't be as good. Jay was waiting in there in the dark. You're a creep. Yeah, he's a creep. What is wrong with you guys? He was waiting in there in the dark to scare Woods when Woods found the light. That's his go-to move, the scare. That's what you're about to hear. Kill somebody. Brace yourselves. I'm not. I'm looking for the light. Is it here? Oh, that scares me all over again. He loves to scare people. Oh, boy. Whatever.

41:33Didn't get a visual, did you? Oh, stop it. Everything hurts now. He loves to scare people. I do. I hate being scared. Me too. So much, but I kind of like it. He loves to do it. Oh, mamacita. 5701949 is the number. All right, so weigh in on this one. Mikey, my name is Mike. and I've been listening since you took over for Howard. I got my wife to start listening to you about four years ago. We have a seven-year-old daughter and have had the same babysitter for about a year. She's a really good kid who started going to UC San Marcos a year ago. Well, my wife just showed me some pictures of her on Facebook that said, F'd up much? And it's her and her friends getting wasted. There was some more too. But she was, and this is all capitalized, wasted. It made us both feel weird, mostly because we just didn't know she partied like Tommy Lee. Actually, Tommy Lee might have been freaked out. Just wanted to share our little discovery with you and see what you guys thought. M1 Bryan. Well, I guess, you know, listen, President Clinton.

43:05can be good at foreign policy while being a terrible husband. Do you agree or disagree, LLB? I agree. President Clinton can be good at foreign policy but be bad at being a husband. Sure. So she parties really, really hard. It doesn't necessarily... I mean, she's been your... She's been taking care of your kid, your 70-year-old daughter, he says, for about a year. She's been taking good care of your daughter for about a year. She's been taking good care of your daughter for about a year. I think once it starts to affect work, if it starts to affect work, then there's a problem. Well, and here's the other thing I think about it. I go, let's say that you were like, gosh, darn, there seems to be weird stuff and blah, blah, blah. You come home and there's maybe the kid is the indications, blah, blah, blah. And then you find these pictures and you're like, oh.

44:09It's all coming together now. Right. But it doesn't seem like that. Now, there may be other people that are listening right now and you go, screw that. I see the person that takes care of my kid wasted like that. Like, I don't want to take the chance that they're going to get wasted at the house. I don't think I would necessarily, but I will tell you this. Here are some things that it does say about this girl. One thing that it says about her, I think. for sure, is that she shows a lack of good judgment. Absolutely. All right? I'm not making any moral ruling. No. I'm not making a moral ruling. It's not real bright. I'm making an observation that if you have an employer that is on your Facebook, that has you listed as one of their friends, and you post pictures of yourself wasted, and you are...

45:09caregiver for their child and you post pictures of you getting wasted saying effed up much it i think it shows a lack of judgment i mean come on even in the myspace days when i wasn't employed but looking for a job i was smart enough to know don't put that stuff up there what do you think jay i think you're all crazy because it's just i mean it's your facebook page it's not your profile for your employment. It says more about you than anything. Yeah. You know what? Then I don't want to work for you if that's the way you feel. Because everybody at some point has been wasted. Yeah. But they haven't always posted pictures. All right. True or false? True or false? False. False. True or false? Jay, to post pictures of yourself getting wasted on your profile page of Facebook while friends with your employer shows good judgment. True or false? I would just block where you couldn't see those. I know, but she didn't. She didn't do that. So does it show good judgment? I don't think it shows bad judgment. Oh, wow. Saying F'd up much? Yeah, I think everybody does it. I mean, I think everybody... Well, not everybody. Not when I was babysitting. You did not? Oh, the parents loved me because I was...

46:31No big deal, but I was like a nine-time varsity, ten-time varsity athlete. But no, I didn't go out. I wish I knew one famous track person so I could say easy. Thank you. Yes, Woodsy. Yes, Flojo. Easy Flojo. I often got compared to Flojo. I'm not going to judge you by pictures. I'm going to judge you by actions. Those are pictures of actions. It's not why you're at my house watching my kid. Yeah, it's true. As I was saying, the parents particularly loved me because I didn't do anything. I was babysitting. Far as they knew. Well, I mean, there was a policy in place that if you were an athlete, you weren't supposed to be out there partying. Really? Use your head, though. Use your head. I've told this story before about the guy I was recruiting to be a manager of an office, and I get on his page on Facebook because it's the first thing I do. A, I want to see what he looks like. Is he a sharp cat? If I send this guy for an interview, is he going to be sharp?

47:31Picture him with his hat kicked to the side and looking like a pud, and it says, I love drunk-ass bitches. Underneath this picture. So that was your profile, right? That was not my profile because I'm not a moron. Yeah, your profile was at least professional because you knew. I'm looking at this guy going, okay, I'm going to give you an office to run with 15 to 20 employees and make 200K this year? I don't think so because you'll be hitting on drunk-ass bitches. M1 Brittany from Benita. Hi, yeah. I was actually looking for a job. probably about five months ago, and that's what they did. They looked on Facebook to see how these people are, like, to see if they had bikini pictures. And I think it's standard now. They go and look for these people. Yeah, and that's the thing. I mean, that begs the question, well, so is that bad? Like, getting wasted? Getting wasted might be bad, right? Yeah. What about really scandalous bikini?

48:29Pictures. Is that bad? Well, scandalous. If a girl in a bikini, that's not scandalous. No. That's perfect. Or she's wearing a short skirt showing her butt. Yeah. Or as my dad would say, nalga. Showing her nalga. But you might think, is this person going to be a problem? Because it's all happened. We've all been at a workplace where someone gets too drunk at the office party. Hello, baby. Hello, baby. I had no idea that this person was like this. Now it's an awkward situation because I saw and they flew off the handle. And if you see that ahead of time, you might be like, eh, it's a liability. I like people that can let their hair down. Well, be smart about where you're at. Hey, listen, if I had my choice, I would hire a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict and prostitute porn star to babysit. I think one photo or even a group of photos does not make an alcoholic. Yeah. I'm not saying she is. No. I'm saying she's a poor judgment. Privacy control, sister. What's the deal with Jim Carrey? I have a really weird theory about this Jim Carrey incident that we're going to play for you. It's audio. It's funny and stuff. But I have a weird theory about it. He does this. He made a video for Emma Stone. And a lot of.

49:50Here's why it's news. They're calling it creepy. It's supposed to be funny, and it is, but some people, maybe you think it's creepy. I don't necessarily think it's creepy, but I do have a theory about it. On FM 94.9. Over 100 years ago, a deli company opened its doors with a different set of rules. There will be no cutting corners, no compromises, no sacrificing quality in the name of profits. The name of that company was Boar's Head. And one by one, exceptional Borshead products began to appear. The highest quality ham and turkey, roast beef and chicken, artisan cheeses, deli products made to standards established over a hundred years ago, but rarely found in the deli business today. And one by one, exceptional stores across America began to recognize Borshead's unique quality. In fact, Borshead has become a symbol for stores that have high standards of their own.

50:59Boar's Head is not sold everywhere. You'll only find it in selected stores that share our point of view. Try Boar's Head for yourself. Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. Got to tell you about Sunglass and Optical Warehouse and what they're doing for you. I've said you want them, they got them, go get them. And that is a true statement. Because they do have low prices. The reason? Because they've got a lot of inventory. They've got really, really great brand name stuff. And if you go to FM949SD.com, you can get a 20% off coupon. Listen, bottom line is, they've been doing business in San Diego for a long time. They've been the number one source for sunglasses for over 20 years. You get there because you're good. Now, they've got three locations. The Sports Arena, Kearney Mesa, and La Jolla Village Drive.

52:02Or La Jolla Village Square. Go check them out. They got all those designer brand names that you want. In fact, they have over 7,000 pair of those latest designer brands. You're not going to get that everywhere, but you will get it at Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Go check them out. Jay's working on it. Are you working on it, Jay? Yeah, he's working on it. So that means I got to fill in until we're able to get the thing going. Talk about the Facebook thing I just got. What was that? The email? What was it? This guy said that he would give me $1,000 if I did the fryer cut. Oh, if he's serious? If he's serious, here's the deal. I got a couple things I need to check out. One, I got to run it by the messes. Two, I got to run it by accounting here because I don't want to pay taxes on any crap like that. All right, here we go. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right?

53:17And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? Uh, no kidding. Well, hmm, but in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, crazy! Hurry into Verizon for the best phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store. VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE. Or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Early termination and other fees applies. Feed comparison based on expected speeds in Verizon 4G LTE markets. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE. He holds a shell up to his ear. He hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance. He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates, and it is glorious. Interesting man in the world. Don't always drink beer, but when I do,

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57:13Saving money we pass on to you. I've always told people about Fresh and Easy. I tell them all the fresh stuff I get. I'll come in here and I'll see something else. Mmm, that looks interesting. Let me try it. As my husband said, I'm the guinea pig. I've never had a Fresh and Easy product that I didn't like. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Darla, for helping us offer low prices. Choose from a variety of our pastas for just $0.99 and assorted Fresh and Easy pasta sauces for only $1.99. Ollie wrote an opus about mythical creatures named Ollie Gators. That's right, Ollie Gators. And he needed a super ink to print his masterpiece, so he bought an original HP ink cartridge. They print up to two times the pages than generic refills, so every page was artfully printed. Just what he needed for the greatest novel ever written. About Olligators. Original HP ink cartridges print up to two times the pages than refilled cartridges. Find them at a retailer near you. HP. Hit print. Based on a Byers Laboratory, Inc. 2011 study commissioned by HP on the performance of cartridges refilled by refill service providers sold to North America. Hear the authentic surf report daily at 7.30 a.m., 2.15 p.m., and 8.15 p.m. on FM 94.9. Supported by Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewed Coors.

58:20This report, it's brought to you by the Nissan Bottom Line Sales Event. It's the end of the model year. Nissan's laying it all on the line. The Bottom Line Sales Event, it's going on now. Tremendous selection, great offers, bottom line savings. Visit ChooseNissan.com or your local Nissan dealer. Well, it looks like a rainbow on the 15 southbound at the 76. There is an accident over on the left shoulder. On the 5 southbound, Encinitas Boulevard, a car fire. It's over on the right shoulder. And as you head on the 805 northbound between the 905 Governor Drive, we've got some slowing. from Claremont Mesa Boulevard to Plaza Boulevard. This report also brought to you by Del Taco. It's Thursday, Taco Night at Del Taco. Coming now for three chicken soft tacos, just $209. That's three chicken soft tacos for just $209 every Thursday from 3 to 11 at participating Del Taco restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Anytime you're ready. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I bite into it, it goes. Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9.

59:53Listen, I told you a story about Jim Carrey being a weirdo and making some video for Emma Stone. I'm going to play the audio of it in just a minute. 115-mile-an-hour winds. They're expecting to be hitting the East Coast, that Hurricane Irene. There was a guy, a 64-year-old dude, that was asking for $20 million in a lawsuit because he went in for what he thought was going to be a circumcision, and they ended up amputating his penis. Because they said, you know, once they were there, they found cancer. And so he was suing. And the jury found the doctor to be innocent. The doctor was doing a good thing, helping this dude out. And so he's all good. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, I'm going to tell you about some legal troubles they're having at Louisiana State University with their starting quarterback. But first, sports is brought to us by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some! So Jordan Jefferson is the starting quarterback. Well, supposed to be the starting quarterback for the LSU Tigers. However, there was a big bar fight last week. The most seriously injured person has three broken vertebrae. And they are saying that this guy, Jordan Jefferson, was involved in the fight. Police actually went to his apartment yesterday, had a search warrant, and took out, quote, several brown bags of evidence. Will not say what's in the bag, but they said it would help to...

1:01:18further the investigation. Really? This kid could be in a lot of trouble and football is not likely in his future if convicted. Also, I don't know if you guys knew this, but Peyton Manning is not doing very well. He's recently had surgery, so the Indianapolis Colts have made a move. They picked up retread Cary Collins. Who is retired. Gosh, darn. He was retired. The NFL, man, the league of the retreads sometimes, I swear. Cary Collins will now, I guess, be the backup or maybe even the starter if Peyton can't make it back by game one, which doesn't look like he's going to. All right, so this is a video that Jim Carrey made for Emma Stone, the actress. This is a message for Emma Stone. Emma. I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but smart and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you. And we would have chubby little freckle-faced kids. Assuming she said yes. We'd laugh all day long, go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. So he likes Emma Stone and he wants her not. Here's the thing.

1:02:46I have a weird conspiracy theory. Okay. I don't think he's over Jenny McCarthy. Okay. I could see that. And that's my point. That was the revelation? Yeah. See, if I say the next part, it's going to sound so crazy. Well, let's hear it. I want to just leave it there so you fill in the blanks. I'm not filling anything. Kid's not real bright. You got to explain it. I think he thinks it'll hurt her. It'll make her, you know. Oh, that's not bad. You think? Well, she's been remarried. I know. She's got kids. I know. I don't think he's over her. The autism thing that she does. I don't think he's over her. She's big into that. I think he is. I think he's over her. Couldn't be someone more opposite than Jenny McCarthy. Well, wait. Question. Who's Emma Stone? I had to Google image her. You did. I've never heard of her. I had to Google image her. She was the redhead and super bad.

1:03:49The one with the black eye? Oh, Mamacita. I like her. Tommy Likey. She was in Dildo Baggins' movie? That's not Dildo Baggins. I was way off. I thought it was the girl from Harry Potter. Yeah, well, it's also Bilbo Baggins. It's the Dildo Baggins and the Lord of the Harry Rings. Hey, Woods. It's Bilbo Baggins. I love her. Love her. Love her. She's got a little bit of a lift or something, but I still think that she's just beautiful. She's grown up a lot. She's a little angel. Yeah, I guess he singled her out. There's nothing different about her than Allison Hannigan. Oh, for Mikey. Give yourself a grow up already. That girl looks like a butt. No, she doesn't. She doesn't look like a butt. She's hideous. Oh, wow. Hideous. No offense, Allison, but... Separate. in your mind that she said something about a flute one time. That's not it. That's actually pretty cool. She played a dork in a movie so you can't get over it. It's like a widow's peak and sort of a mousy face. Looks like Eddie Munster with a widow's peak. Something may be wrong with you if your eyebrows aren't as long as they used to be. Something might be wrong with you. If they're not as long. Mine are longer than they used to be. Longer than they've ever been.

1:05:18End of each eyebrow should go past the outside corner of your eye. If they don't, it's a sign that your thyroid might not be working right. How's mine? It doesn't go past the outside corner. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't? No. Oh, boy. Check your thyroid, bro. Check your thyroid. Oh, boy. Can I tell you something else? Your poop should float. Or, excuse me, sink. Sink. Sink. If it doesn't... Your diet is not good. You're not eating healthy. If you're eating healthy, it'll sink. Long ring fingers. Indication something's wrong. For women, it means that you might have a higher risk of developing arthritis if your ring finger is long. Let me see LB. LB's got long? Yeah, they are. No, it isn't. It's not longer than ring finger. This is the ring finger. Yeah, I know. Hers is not long. It's shorter than my middle finger. It's the way it's supposed to be. But barely.

1:06:28What? Let me see, L.O.B. There's nothing on that finger. That's pretty long. He's right. What? That's long. L.O.B., you have long fingers. I have long fingers, yeah. It's almost as long as your index finger. It's longer than my index. Oh, no, it's not. Longer than it's ever been. You might have osteoporosis. Let me see your hand. Arthritis. Arthritis. It's the same, you doofus. But he's a dude. I'm a guy. I'm not going to get osteoporosis. And his fingernail is long. But L.O.B., most women? Have little short fingers. No, I've always had long fingers. That's a genetic thing. I'm not arguing that you've always had them. It's if your ring finger is particularly long. It is. If your ring toe is longer than your big toe, you have something wrong with you. A ring toe? Listen to me. Long ring fingers, pal. For women, it means you might have a higher risk of developing arthritis. You have beautiful hands. But it's supposed to be in comparison. To the rest of your fingers. I've always had long fingers. But it doesn't say that, my dear. It doesn't say that. Well, then why would it say just a long ring finger? Because that's what the study concluded. Whatever. You're screaming at me. I'm fine. It's hot in here. It's 81 degrees in here. What is going on? I don't know. I didn't do it, dude. All I did was turn the beeping off. I'm really irritable. It's 81 degrees in here. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. Oh, it's hot.

1:07:54It's either hot or freezing in here. Here's another indication that your body's trying to tell you something. Yellow nails. Duh. Yellow nails. Jaundice? Well, I mean, that's when it's so stupid to me. You know what else? Brown, brittle teeth. Jiggling boobs if you're a man, okay? I got them. It says assuming they're not just dirty, it can mean a few things. Might mean you have some sort of infection. Yeah, duh. But if you're fatigued and feel the need to drink a lot of water, it could be a sign of diabetes. Perfect. Diabetes. Diabetes. Yellow nails. Well, of course. Might mean you snuggle a lot of Marlboro's, too. Yeah, that's true. If you wake up and the whites of your eyes are actually brown, could be something's wrong with you. You might be in trouble. But get a second opinion. Right. Because you just don't know. You don't know. It's time to play Why Are We Here.

1:08:57Here's what we do. I'm going to reach in and I'm going to pull out a voice that one of us does. I do voices. Woods does voices. L.O.B. does voices. And then I'm going to pull out where the location is and you in the voice. We have to determine why we're there. All right. So I got to pull two voices out. The first voice is Nancy Grace. Nancy Grace. That's right. The second voice is Garrett. Garrett. Woods, you'd be Garrett. Hey, good morning. I'm your program director, Garrett. Garrett's our program director. How you doing, Mike? And let's see what the location is. Screw you, Mike. The location is inside an F-18 jet. So Garrett, our program director, and TV's Nancy Grace are going to be inside of a jet together. Hey, good morning, Nancy.

1:10:02Good morning. I'm TV's Nancy Grace. I know you. Are you all buckled in? I can't seem to figure out what end goes into what end. Well, you take that metal part and you put it in the other one. Hey, check this out. What we're going to do today, we're going to go on a tour of every place I've worked. Ready? Let's go. Hey, if you look off to your left, you're going to see a little place I like to call Philly. I worked at WX47 there. Oh, Philadelphia. You ever been there? Yes, they call it the city of brotherly love. They sure do. I got a lot of brotherly love there. Trust me. That was my joke. Hey, look. Off to the right. Hey, Nancy, if you look off to the right, you're going to see Detroit. Oh, yeah. That was quick. You ever hear of Madman Johnson? I hired that guy. I never heard of him. And then I fired him. Then I hired him. Is he a lawyer? No, he's not a lawyer. Oh, okay. He's a radio DJ and disc jockey. Hey, if you look off to your left, you're going to see La Crosse, Wisconsin. You talk a lot. Why don't you pipe up, Nance, and put your seatbelts on? I'm trying to talk, and you just keep blah, blah, blah. Well, I wanted to show you where I work. Jesus. Give me a break. All right. There's LaCrosse. Hey, look. It's San Diego. That's where I work now. Already? It's San Diego. Yeah, yeah. We're in an F-16. I told you. It's an F-18. We're in an F-18. This thing's faster than hell. It's a beautiful place, San Diego. This thing's faster than the Black Keys, okay?

1:11:21I don't know what the black keys are. You ever heard of Muse? No, I was. How about KG Elephant? Well, I was still talking. How about the silent comedy? I wasn't. You ever heard of Everest? Well, you're on to the next one. Ouch. You ever heard of Everest? Can I get off this plane? You ain't getting off yet. Hey, look, it's my son, Dempsey. Hey, Dempsey, it's your old man. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Ouch. Ouch. Nancy Grace saying, will you shut up so I can talk? Couldn't get a word in edgewise, that lady. It's not like Nancy Grace. I'm going to get fired for that one. The shore of America. It was a quick flight. It was. F-16. Those F-16s are fast. Yesterday, L-O-B.

1:12:22was text and messaging her friend Meryl and a lady that cleans her house. And she was doing it simultaneously, you know, switching back and forth. Now, what she was doing with a woman was negotiating. Weird. Is it? Never mind. She's negotiating with a freaking cleaning lady. Hey, maybe don't clean my microwave. That's not a negotiation. I don't need that part. A negotiation is, how about I pay you this much and you pay me this much? Oh, yeah. I'm trying to get it reduced. You're haggling. It's a ridiculous amount that she charged. She's telling her, hey, listen, you don't need to polish the doorknob. So I want you to knock five bucks off. She's got a checklist. I want to see what the checklist is. Why is that unbelievable? Well, first of all, it's unbelievable that you have a cleaning lid. 200 square feet. Excuse me. Excuse me. It's not 200 square feet. 200 square feet. Easy, big time. It's not 200 square feet. Oh, my God. 150. I used her once, and she charged a lot. How much? $80. She probably charged a lot.

1:13:34You probably eat off of everything. But if it's a one-time thing, you're going to get charged a lot. Why don't you guys be on my side? It's not supposed to be a one-time thing. It's supposed to be a monthly thing. I'll tell you. I am on your side. Before I even continue, I'm going to tell you. I'm sorry I live in a small apartment. I don't make a lot of money. I don't make a lot of money. And it's only you. Hang on. Listen, I'm on your side, but I have to point this out. Okay. You negotiated. With a cleaning lady. Yes. That's freaking funny. That's what people do. No, they don't. They do it up front. That's what no one does. People that don't have a lot of money. No one in the history of having a cleaning lady. People that don't have a lot of money don't have a cleaning lady. They have a cleaning lady. Okay. I'm negotiating with my butler. I'm negotiating with my butler. Oh, boy, oh, boy. I'm negotiating with my limo driver. I'm sorry I work 14-hour days. I don't have time to clean my house. Oh, God. I'm asking her if she can come in once a month to do. A deep clean. A deep clean. So you weren't satisfied with the first deep clean? No. It sucked? It was not. It was terrible. Well, then you got to get somebody else. What? Think. No. The things that they paid attention to, like the microwave was spotless. Which you don't use. I don't use the microwave. I tried to tell her that. Things that were spotless, I didn't need her to make them spotless. Ms. Lauren, the price is $80.

1:14:52She came over to negotiate with me. It's $80. I don't know what you want me to do. She came over to negotiate with me. In the history, and I'm from Mexico, in the history of ever cleaning a house, I never had a white woman who wanted to negotiate with me. Then why did you come over to my house and say, let me look at how much work there's going to be, and then we'll determine a price. I came over. I look at your house. I say, $80. And then you want to haggle with me as if you're buying a tweety bird made up on the border coming into Mexico. But you said that's with the expectation that I'll do X, Y, Z. And I said, please don't do Z. Please don't do Z. Please do A instead. Yeah, but you did Z and you didn't do A. I want to clean your microwave for you. I don't want you to do that. I asked you not to do that. I don't use a microwave. What kind of a white woman asks somebody to not clean in their microwave? The kind of white woman that doesn't use a microwave. Outstanding. It's outstanding. So let me tell you the point. Is it? Let me even tell you the point. I love you. I don't love either. Yes, you do, too. No, I don't. Yes, you do. We're on your side. We're on your side. Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're totally on. It's funny to haggle with your cleaning lady, though. That is funny to me. But it's indicative of you. You're tightwad.

1:16:13Little bit. Little. Little bit. Little bit of a tight one. Little bit? L-O-B? Will you give me a little bit? Will you give me a little bit? I'm not going to cry. I'm going to throw something. Yeah, she's a little bit of a tight one. E-jack. She's a mad cry. E-jack. No, I'm not going to mad cry. I'm going to throw this tent at 87 degrees in here. Frugal. Frugal. I'm... Hot, too. I'm hot. Why is it so hot in here? I don't make a lot of money. If you want to pay me some more money, I won't need to haggle with my cleaning lady. If you made a million dollars a year, you would haggle with your cleaning lady. I would not. If you told your cleaning lady not to clean your microwave and she didn't charge you $80 for it, would you or would you not? No, it wouldn't be worth my time, but $80 is a lot to me. It's a lot to everybody. Is it? Is it? Hell yeah it is. Okay. I did a good job for her, though. I know you did. It's okay. Continue. I came in the house. It was already clean. She's so control freak. She cleaned the place before I even got there. I did. I know you did. We know that. Crazy. So she's talking to her friend, Meryl, and at the same time, texting and negotiating with the cleaning lady. Right. Gets the texts mixed up and texts.

1:17:33To the cleaning lady, yo, yo, yo. Oh, my God. I be at the pharmacy, girl. That's spelled G, quadruple I, quadruple R, quadruple L. Yo, yo, yo. I be at the pharmacy, girl. The cleaning lady stopped texting back. Holy. It's the greatest story of all time. In addition to being negotiated with, the cleaning lady then gets, yo, yo, yo. I'll be at the pharmacy, girl. Oh, my God. Girl, how drunk is you? Okay?

1:18:28Everybody has weird languages. That is a fair question. We have weird vernacular, Meryl and I. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Big hate girl. Every time I call LB, she goes, what's up, son? It's the freaking greatest. What's up, son? It's the greatest. What's up, son? What's up, son? Every time. I love it. I'll call her just to hear it. It's so hot in here. It's so hot in here. You guys should take your shirts off. All right. Oh, my gosh. Look at that. Beached well. What's a well? You know. Go look in the mirror. Beached well? Every once in a while, Jay will mess words up. I guess it's a reverent. Yeah. What's a beached well? It's like a wishing well that you find on the beach. Right. We're looking to get a skateboard. I just don't want to get discharged too much money for it.

1:19:33Brilliant. Taking that out of context. Yes. Why don't you, if you just took time to explain it, ma. I'm so hot. I love you, I love you. I'm mad at you guys. Why? We didn't do anything. Because. Don't hold a grudge. It's all in good fun. We love you. You look nice today. You do. Oh, thanks, Mike. Pretty foxy. Yeah, thanks. You have that red eye. You have the whitest teeth. He's pretty. He's tan skin. He's tan, sitting over there all blonde. I'm done. Philly's cap on. Girls in baseball caps are sexy to me. She's still going to slit her throat. Oh, yeah. I'm going to put rat poison in your coffee. So they caught the Kardashians, like, scripting their reality show. Got audio. I mean, it's not like, is that, I mean, I don't know why that's really news, but it's news. So I'll play it. My God, it's better than I thought.

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1:29:07for a Thursday morning brought to you by Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. Surf flies today looking pretty weak once again as just some pulses out of the west, northwest, southwest combined together. Surf's running in that ankle, knee, waist-high zone on average, rare plus top open spots to the total swell commitment. Looking pretty overcast out there once again this morning with some light onshore winds, so it's pretty crumbly and broken up. Beach breaks most likely to have some kind of a rideable wave, but not too much there. It can only get better as the morning continues. Reef breaks. Nothing really happened in there at all. Water temperature hovering in the mid-60s. Bright spots for the day. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surfline.com. And for your surfboard repairs, go see Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. The FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. San Diego, a Lincoln Financial radio station. This is The Mikey Show. With Mikey. When I was in high school, I never made love with a girl. Woods. That is what heaven is in my mind. I get up to heaven and I'm like, oh my God, it's a Krispy Kreme. Lauren. My butt doesn't go straight down. Sticks out. You know, junk in the trunk. In the trunk. And Jay. I tell you, Kim got me on the organic ketchup and then I went back to the Heinz and I was like, ew. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9.

1:30:45What's up with your stump and your rump and you gotta get a little lump in your chunk. Word of the day is orchestra. Mexico. That's right. Doesn't have to do with me. Drunk on a stump in Mexico, Mikey. Imagations in just a minute. Yeah! So, uh... This is audio of producers at Kim Kardashian's wedding, scripting... A moment between Courtney and Scott Disick. Who's Scott Disick? Who is that? Does anyone know? It's Courtney's baby daddy. Okay. They're scripting it. Let's hear it. You know, we'll get married or something. Okay, so the news is that the producers are scripting this reality show. Now, the deal is, first of all, let me explain. You're hearing in the background two F-14s. That is actually jet engines.

1:33:17Now, we have some fans that are blowing some air in here because our air conditioning went out. Weird. M1s blowing? Huh? Fans. I hope not. Yeah, it's weird. We live in a day of what I call freality. Freality shows, okay? They're fictional reality shows. It's just fine. People still like it. It's just a new genre. It's still good. It just isn't necessarily altogether real. Cops used... Cops is real. You know, for whatever reason, people thought, well, it's not as interesting. I don't know why they thought that. I always thought it was interesting. Always made my stomach hurt watching that show. Oh, man. I always thought real, real life is interesting. Mm-hmm. Because we're voyeuristic, but they... You know, the producers at one point got an idea in their head. Ah, it'll be more interesting if we create stuff. But whatever. You guys ready for some imagations? More than anything. Yeah, I want it. Yeah. All right, Jay.

1:34:27Does Jay come in here for imaginations? No. He stays right where he is? He shimmies himself out there. Shirt shimmies. Usually the door's shut between us, too, and I can kind of turn my mic off in practice. Mike, tip for you. Don't help him. Yeah, help me. Otherwise, I'll just stand here with a deer. I disagree 100%. Maybe let me run the show. Oh, boy, with that. Well, when you say it, then I'm supposed to go... Then I have to go, no. And then I sound like a complete D. Well, it sounds like... What? Nothing. You know what I mean? Like, if you say that, but I don't think that's the right direction to go, I then have the obligation to be like, okay, let's do that. Unless I disagree, of course. Put your foot down, Mike. Yeah, put your foot down. He put it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on my throat. On your heart. My heart? It's on my heart. It's crushed my heart. On your dreams. All right, I won't... No, no, you can't. No, no, no. Help him, help him, help him, help him. No, I want you to. All right, are you ready? Are you ready? Yeah, you're a bully. Are you ready? Jay, you are a 1930s mobster. Yeah, see? Hi, mobster. Ah, put him up. Give me all your money, see? Hey, mobster, where are you from? I'm from right over here. You're from right over there? See? Got it.

1:35:57We're part of right over there. Right over there. East part. East part. See? By Houston. You dirty rat. Okay. I'm going to get you. See? We see. Yes, we do. Yes. Oh, you dirty rat. Top of the world, Ma. That's one imagination. Top of the world, Ma. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was Jay's 1930s mobster. Yeah. And for your next... Your next imagination? Yeah. You are going to be... Yeah. John Wayne in True Grit. Uh-huh, uh-huh, partner. Why don't you lassy up those fillies and let's head on over to the prostitution house. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Isn't that called a brothel? You call it what you want, I'll call it what I want, pilgrim. I'll call it a...

1:37:07brothel, and you'll call it a prostitution house. It's where I keep my prostitutions. Why don't you rustle me up some coffee? Okay. Get a little filly. Wait a minute. I thought you said that we were going to rustle up some fillies, which are horses, and then you're... I want coffee first before I get my game on. Uh-huh. Hey, when you say uh-huh... Uh-huh. After stuff. Why do you say uh-huh after stuff? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'll tell you one thing. Yeah. Okay. I like them wild. I like them blonde. And I like them drunk. Uh-huh. So you're fillies or you're women? At the prostitution house. My head hurt. Oh, I love it. That's so good. Woods, I formally apologize. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah. Uh-huh. You ready for your next? Uh-huh. Ready for your next? Yes!

1:38:19Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He's getting nervous. For your next, Jay, you're going to need to transport yourself back in time. I'm ready. And I want you to go back to the original. All right? And you're going to be the original Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, don't do that. What's your name? Sorry? Count. Count Dracula. Where are you from? Lucas. I am. Nope, I'm actually wide awake. No, you are. All right. Where are you from, Dracula? Your blood like enchilada sauce. I haven't eaten enchiladas. Ah, how about you? Ah, Tommy Bahamas is very scary. Tommy Bahamas is very scary. Oh, is it? We die from garlic. Yeah, I thought you'd die from garlic in your... Oh, that's what makes it scary. Where are you from, Count Dracula? Where? You got it. Good pull. Anything else?

1:39:52Before we go? Thank you, Count Dracula. Oh, are you flying away? My God. That's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh, Jay. Gosh darn it. I want a video of that so bad. No wonder he gets away with everything. That was amazing. I want to listen to that over and over and over. Replay it next break. It was that good. Oh, my gosh. I hurt myself. Oh, my gosh. Him flying away at the end. Oh, my head hurts. Him flying away was the best part of the game. Count Dracula. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Dracula. I love the taste of your blood. Tastes like garlic. Next meet and greet, we will make him exit by flying out. Oh, my gosh.

1:41:08Oh, I'm lightheaded. That was so good. 570-1949. M1 Ronaldo just wrote, now we know what Count Dracula sounds like when he's Japanese. Oh, I love him and Jason so much. Oh, wow. M1 Colin said, Jay's John Wayne sounds more like Sling Blade. I thought John Wayne was alright except for the uh-huh. M1 Veronica says, Imgations is my new drug. It's so good. M1 Chuck says, Imgations is awesome, you dirty rat. Ah, shame. I'm on top of the world, Ma. I'm on top of the world, Ma. Yes, we see. See? Yes. See? Yeah. See? Yeah. See? See. Oh, wow. Oh, my God, that's so good. That was so good. Thank you, Jason.

1:42:10What's the most embarrassing thing that you've ever done at the gym? Most embarrassing thing you've ever done at the gym. I was bench pressing one time and farted. That's my story. It wasn't loud. Did anyone respond? React? No, I think they were cool. I think people were being cool about it. People noticed it, but they were all cool and acted like they didn't. I went to do leg press and there was a girl going before me and I had to remove weight. Are you serious? Did you fake out like you were adding it and then quickly? No, I realized that I'm not in great shape and just said, you know what? This is a gym where nobody judges you, don't they? And she had probably four plates on each side. I can only do three. So I did three. I ran into a... closed door at the gym because i was looking i was pretending like i was looking at a machine like oh did i get everything that i meant to get but i was really checking somebody out and i walked into a door oh that's brilliant hard hard enough and then i tried to play that off like oh i looked down at my shoe like there was like something on my shoe caused it to happen and then i continued

1:43:35To go back in that direction and scratch my head like I was still looking for a machine. Oh, wow. Why do we immediately always scratch our hands? Our hands go to our face when we're nervous. Mind off. Same thing. Jay? Yeah. No, I never know. I don't work out at the gym. You know that. We were playing racquetball in the Plexiglas court where you can look into. And I went to hit the ball. Well, two things. First, I hit the ball so hard it came back and hit me right between the eyes. That's awesome. And then I kind of thumbed my feet up. Yeah. And then I ran right to the... I started tripping and I hit the back glass so hard. Oh, my gosh. 5701949. There's two things about that story I would like cleared up. What kind of glass was it? Plexiglass. Okay. And what did you do with your feet? They fumbled. Oh. That laugh, kids. Oh, gosh. Very cutting. I know it. That'll get you. M1 Heather from Escondido. What did you do at the gym? Okay, so I'm just starting to try to learn how to run because, you know, some people have got to learn. So I'm on the treadmill. Did you have polio when you were a kid or something? No, you've got to learn. You don't just run. You have to get used to it. Proper form. I thought you'd start running when you were like four. When you've been a lazy sod for, you know, 25 years, you've got to learn to run. I can relate. Me too. I'm on the treadmill, and I'm going like, I don't know, five and a half, six miles an hour.

1:45:00Feeling pretty good. Start to get tired. So I do that thing where you kind of lift yourself off the treadmill with your arms on the sides. Yeah. Put your feet on the sides, but the belt is still running. Yeah. Catch my breath. Forget the belt is still running. Step on the belt. Oh. Blue. Oh. Knees overhead. Backwards. Oh. Oh, my God. The next thing I know, I've got a trainer and, like, two of the people that were standing on the treadmill next to me standing over me. Really quick. And I look at the treadmill like it's the treadmill's fault. And I'm like, God, you guys really need to check your mistakes. It's an old standard bit for a baseball player when he makes an error. First move is look right at the glove. Thing goes through your legs. You look at your glove like, stupid glove. Something must be wrong with this thing. The glove failed me. Thank you for the call.

1:46:02That's awesome. Not awesome, but... M1 Diet Cokehead from Shanti. Hello, my darling. Little angel. Hello. What's going on? I broke my ankle doing side steps. So I wasn't even on a machine. I was on my own feet. Oh, wow. It was beautiful. Oh, wow. I was working with a trainer. That'll never happen again. We had a hand waist and we're doing side steps and I stepped on the corner like the lip of the mat. Looked down in a blaze of glory. Hand weights flying. Nothing better. Broke my damn ankle. Oh, my God. Poor thing. So did they have to have, like, professionals come there and, you know, help you get up and all that? Well, when everybody stopped laughing, they helped me. That's awesome. They helped me out, and then I had to fill out some form saying it wasn't the gym's fault, and I blame it on being half Polish, so technically it's my mother's fault. Hey, me too. It's fantastic. Wow. Thank you, Diet Cokehead. Love you guys. We love you. M1 Brandon from San Marcos. Good morning, guys. How are you? Good morning. Good. I saw another dad from my kids' daycare center naked in the locker room, and he talked to me. Oh, wow.

1:47:23So that's the only way that you knew him was from seeing him when you would go to the daycare and drop your kids off. Then you see him at the gym, and so you've seen him two ways, clothed and naked. One of those I never want to see again. Hey, I'm Tommy's dad. Yeah, hey, Brandon, Tommy's dad. It's Bill. It's Bill. How do you like that facility? Hey, how was your workout, guy? Oh, man, it was... That was a little worse. How was it? Yeah, did he have anything to be proud of? Oh, I didn't. I barely turned around. Oh, you know. You don't have to play coy with us. We know. I couldn't believe. Guys, I thought there was like a no talking in the locker room. Yeah, there should be. Helicopter, helicopter. No helicopters here. Thank you for the call. Just flew in. Naked guys at the gym. Don't. Idiots. Just put a towel around you. Grow up. Nudist. You ever seen a grown man naked? You're a nudist hippie. You're a nudist. You're a nudist hippie. And if you're going to be nude... Quickly. Just, yeah. Go from place to place. Don't hang out. Don't strike up conversations. Don't put your freaking foot up on the thing and start drying your... Why does that always move? Try to dry that area. And you know what else? Don't stand at the mirror with your legs spread apart, combing your hair. Right. Nude. Nude. Yeah, maybe manscape, too. Maybe try that every now and then. Yeah. Stop looking like Serbian. Don't get on the scale naked.

1:48:51Yes. I've got to stand on that scale. Put boxers on. It's not going to weigh you down that much. No, it might. It's an ounce. Jay's so proud. Don't walk around. I don't know why. I'll walk around that locker room. You know why. Do it. Hey, listen. We all got one there. Yeah, they're all a little bit different. Who cares? Bottom line is, I ain't no baby. I ain't afraid. I'm an ace. A gem. All right. This is a steamer. Jay, there's a curtain. Just pull the curtain shut. Oh, please. There's a bunch of babies around here, girl. Dude, they have curtains for a reason. I'm in the shower across from you. What? Listen. Oh, my God. Put your legs down. What? Dude, I'm looking in somewhere I don't need to see. You got one, too? Exactly. We both got one. I don't want to see your curtain. Well, then quit looking at it.

1:49:47I can't. You have your legs. You're better than I am. I got my legs spread open, but you're staring right at it. How can I not? Well, first of all, why are you standing there? I'm trying to take a shower and you won't pull the curtain shut. I'm in the shower. With the curtain open. On the floor of the shower. Oh, my God. Why are you putting your legs on your head now? That's disgusting. It's cold. Working out and stretching. Is it? Pull the curtain shut. It's called a cool down. Oh, my God. It's called a cool down, Woods. What's wrong? This is how I cool down? Lauren, why are you in the shower? I don't know. I heard a lot of commotion. Hey, Lauren, what do you do? What? What? Oh, like you ain't never seen it. Like you ain't never seen a playgirl. Don't shake around. They're getting water everywhere. I'm trying to dry off like a... Basket hair. Basket hair. Even though that Google Plus is not taking off or anything, Facebook is actually going to adopt a couple of things that they're doing.

1:51:22Because they're learning. And it's good news for everybody. And I'll tell you what it is next. Mikey Show now. You've got to go. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. You guys care about the rules? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. This is the FM. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Friday night's Butthole Surfers show is now at Brick by Brick. Next Friday, go see Fitz and the Tantrums at... at the Del Mar Racetrack for a 4 o'clock Friday. Next Sunday, September 4th, the Great American Showcase downtown at El Dorado Cocktail Lounge. It starts at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The soft pack, the nervous records, the howls, the creepy creeps.

1:52:18It's going to be so much fun. We've got two nights of Thievery Corporation at House of Blues September 7th and 8th. Also September 8th at the Casbah, Telekinesis will play for the SD Music Thing kickoff party. And an About the Music show with Givers happens at the Casbah September 11th. Still to come this summer, The Kills, TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys. Bush, Portugal, The Man, Peter, Bjorn, and John, and about the music show with the pains of being pure at heart. Also, Ryan Adams, Foo Fighters, Boxer Rebellion, and Black Joe Louis and the Honey Bears. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Hi, this is JC Thomas, and I'm leading SDG&E's emergency preparedness efforts. From high winds and earthquakes to landslides and wildfires. natural disasters can strike without warning. That's why preparing for an emergency should begin long before one happens. We can all do our part to be ready. At SDG&E, our crews are replacing wood poles with fire-resistant steel poles. To improve reliability, we've also installed remote switching technology on power lines. And we have an air crane firefighting helicopter ready to give vital support to firefighters working in remote areas. You can do your part, too.

1:53:34Start by having a personal emergency plan for your family. Also have an emergency supply kit on hand that includes things like non-perishable food, water, and a first aid kit. And know your evacuation route. To find out more ways you can be emergency prepared, visit sdge.com slash safety. I want to tell you about BMW and what's going on with BMW Encinitas. They are the premier BMW dealership in San Diego. And their goal has always been the same. We want to be number one. We want to have all the biggest numbers in San Diego. We want to show BMW headquarters that we are the greatest and they go at it with ferocity. Through Labor Day, you can lease a brand new 2011 328i sedan. I'm sorry, other BMW dealerships. Other BMW dealerships, by the way, do not like this.

1:54:36Because most of, they can't do it. Through Labor Day, BMW Encinitas is going to lease you a brand new 2011 328i for $299 a month plus tax. It's a brand new 2011. It's as cool as it gets. BMW Encinitas is on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or you can check them out online, bmwencinitas.com. Five at this offer, 36-month lease, 4062-plus tax, title and license to its signing. Include $7.50 lease cash, zero security deposit, 20 cents per excess mile over 30,000 miles. With above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer ends 9-5-11. Some call it the bond circular. Others call it the bond's weekly ad. No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. So hang on to it to help plan your shopping. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only. We're making it easy to stock up for the weekend. Also, check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Safeway Kitchens, Soft Honey Wheat, or White Breads are only $2.99 each. Selected varieties. Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Lunch Meat is just $3.99 each. Selected varieties. And when you buy two 12-packs of Coca-Cola, you get two free. Plus, we'll throw in two bags of Snack Artist chips for free. Plus, CRV 12-ounce cans. Selected varieties.

1:55:59Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Hey, this is Jay with The Mikey Show. Join me today from noon to one at Lahaina's MPB. It's the league of most interesting challenges. Stop by. Register to win tickets to see Portugal and the Man, Arctic Monkeys, TV on the radio, Two Door Cinema Club, The Kills, Company of Thieves. Plus, you can challenge me in a head-to-head competition to win tickets to see Ben Harper at the Del Mar Racetrack. It's today from noon to one, Lahaina's MPB. All the info is at FM949SD.com. When he holds a shell up to his ear, He hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance. He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates. The most interesting man in the world.

1:57:25I don't always drink beer, but when I do, for Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty. End of the model year, and Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back, with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now. Get the bottom line with... 0% APR financing on Altima or get $1,500 cash back on Sentra. Get bottom line prices like 0% on the reliable Altima or $1,500 back on the roomy Sentra. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars, great offers, equals more savings. And that's the bottom line. This event ends August 31st. Hurry in today. Financing for 60 months, $16.67 per month per thousand borrowed. Cash back when purchased from new dealer stock. Call 1-888-858-8319 for offering inventory details. Ends 831-11. August 28th, it's Pacific Classic Day. Be a part of all the action as we host Del Mar's biggest race of the season, the $1 million TVG Pacific Classic. Come on out and get a free Del Mar sports bag. Whether you're off to the gym or headed to the beach,

1:59:24This stylish and durable bag with the Del Mar diamond logo is the perfect carry-all. Presented by TVG. Del Mar, cool as ever. It's the end of the model year. The Nissan bottom line sales event is going on now. Tremendous selection, great offers, bottom line savings. Visit choosenissan.com or your local Nissan dealer. They say patience is a virtue. But if you've been waiting to get your hands on a new Honda, there's only so much anticipation one can take. Well, finally, the wait is over. We've just received a factory fresh allotment of Honda Accords, the only vehicle to make car and driver's 10 best list 25 times. And to celebrate, we're giving away 0.9% APR financing for qualified buyers. With the best resale value in its class from Kelly Blue Book, the Accord offers the perfect combination of style and fuel efficiency. Add to that Honda's legendary reputation for quality, and it's no wonder why people have been so eager to get an Accord of their own. Stop waiting and hurry in today before this supply of Accords runs out.

2:00:24See your Honda dealers of San Diego County today. For more information about Accord's resale value, visit kellybluebookswww.kbb.com. MPG based on 2011 EPA mileage estimates for the Accord 4-cylinder sedan AT models. 23-city, 34-highway MPG. Used for comparison purposes only. Actual mileage will vary. See dealer for financing details. This report brought to you by Carfax. What's more newsworthy than a talking fox? How about a free Carfax report? Get one from your used car dealer before you buy. Just say, show me the Carfax. You can always go. to Carfax.com. In Encinitas, the 5 southbound Encinitas Boulevard. Carfire, you're backed up to Cannon Road now. It's over on the right shoulder. Also, some delays here in Escondido on the 15 southbound between Center City Parkway and the 8. It's pretty heavy from the 78 to Villa Rancho Parkway. Then again from Carmel Mountain Road to Mira Mesa Boulevard. Your drive on the 805, the northbound side between the 905 and Sereno Valley Boulevard. That's going to take you some time, too, from the 54 to the 15. Then again from Balboa to Claremont Mesa Boulevard.

2:01:27barred all pretty heavy this report brought to you by mcdonald's 42 ounce soft drinks are only 79 cents at mcdonald's for a limited time choose from a variety of icy cold drinks now many mcdonald's are open 24 hours i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 back to the mikey show with mikey when i used to be on the radio and my name was michael shannon and i i and i wore suspenders a lot of me did you let a girl okay You don't lie to me. Lauren. Yellow means speed up. Yep. Yellow means hurry up and go. And Jay. So what if I like to surf every day? On FM 94.9. Here's what they found out. More than a third of people use their iPad in the bathroom. Well, of course. It's a new survey by Staples. 35% of iPad owners. 35% of iPad owners, they use it when they're on the toilet. They didn't find out how many people sanitize afterwards, but I'm guessing that's about zero. Do you? Sanitize the iPad? Yes. I will clean the screen off when it gets smudgy. Right. I take my laptop in the bathroom all the time. That's gross. Help me just do your business. There's a poop cloud in there. Get in, get out. Yeah. In less interesting findings, 78% of people...

2:03:33take their iPad to bed, 60% take it on vacation, and 30% take it into restaurants. So, feast. Oh, wow. You fit all of the above? Yep. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the victim of the beating, his name's Brian Stowe. I've told you a lot about him. He was beaten outside of Dodger Stadium by a couple of San Francisco... I'm sorry. He's a San Francisco Giants fan that was beaten up by Dodger fans. Right. He has had a setback. His spinal fluid test came back with urinary tract and staph infections. This guy has been up and down since March, continue to keep him and his family in their prayers. Two men have been charged in the attack, Luis Sanchez and Marvin Norwood. They were going around that day just confronting random fans and trying to mess with them and beat this guy up. And he's been, you know, in a coma, out of a coma since March. Also, if you didn't hear the news yesterday, very unfortunate for some. Padres did lose to the San Francisco Giants 2-1. Tim Linscombe threw eight strong innings and knocked in the game-winning run to save my butt from a friar's haircut. Yeah, if the Padres had won the game, Woods would have had to shave a friar haircut into his head. Streak starts over. That's right. Oh, my God, that was close. I've had some really, really nice people, close friends.

2:04:54who have either texted or messaged me on Facebook or even sent me an email saying, hey, is everything okay? And the reason that they have is because they've noticed that lately I've sounded like something's up. And yesterday, my wife and I were talking, and Rebecca, thinks that I may be clinically depressed. And she might be right. In which case, I got to do something about it. Here's what I know about clinical depression. I know that over a period of time, your brain uses something called serotonin, and it does it to cope with trauma. And if there is... trauma that happens over an extended period of time, it can reduce the levels of serotonin in one's brain. And at that point, you are depleted of the serotonin and you need chemicals to help it. Rebecca wrote me a really sweet email this morning, said she loves me. I told her I can't help but feel like a bit of a weirdo. And she said, aren't we all? And I think she's right. But I do, you know.

2:06:27You guys know this, that I try to live my life by the Bible. And I try to live my life for God. What's really tricky is being a radio personality that you have to... Well, being a radio personality where it's important for you to sort of share everything on the radio. And so I do. I try to do that. In fact, if I don't, I feel... Like a phony because I'm not telling you what's happening. That's why I'm telling you about this. But I don't think that it's any big surprise to anybody that what is at the center of it is what happened with my former show. Now, I talked to L.O.B. and to Woods about it this morning and Jay was doing stuff and he didn't get to hear it. But I told him, I said, man.

2:07:28I really want you guys to understand something and for this to be really clear. What isn't happening inside of me is that I'm longing to work with my other show. That isn't what's happening inside of me. And Woods says, and Woods, I think you even said, did you say, is there a little bit of that or you said something like that? No, I just said, I said something. I said sometimes it feels that way to us. Yes, and I can understand that. I can totally understand that. In fact, here's, I think, a great way to put it, an analogy. You're seeing a symptom, and the symptom appears to look like something when, in fact, it's something different. What you're actually seeing is there has been no closure on it for me, not because there hasn't been resolution with... them and me because i don't think that that would put closure to it uh the only way that i can describe what happened and if you don't if you if you don't know i i used to work with a group of people for about 10 years one of the guys i knew for many many years um i worked with them for a long time and then in 2009 when our contract ran up

2:08:59They decided to stay at the old station and do a show on their own, but they didn't tell me about it. They didn't tell me that they were going to do that. Then the appearance was given that I had decided on my own that I was going to come over here by myself. And that what I was basically saying was, sayonara, guys, I've got this better deal that I'm going to go take, which couldn't be further from the truth. Well, you did have a better deal. You had a better deal for everybody. For all of us. For all of your whole crew. Them. Them. Yes. For all of us. Right. Now, what I can tell you is that it isn't just that situation. And the only way that I can describe that situation and what I felt about it was that it was violent. It felt violent. The day that I found out that they'd all banded together, I went home and I thought, oh gosh, FM 94.9.

2:10:05thinks that they're getting all of us, and they're going to find FM 94.9, I got to call them and tell them, not only are you not getting all of us, but they're staying over there. And I'm going to be out of work because they're not going to want me, just me. And so I went home, and me and Rebecca were in my office, and we were scared. We were bawling. And we were on our knees. in uh my office and we were balling and i was texting people from the old show and nobody was texting back and um and then the station was saying that i had gone and taken another deal and come over here and blah blah blah which was true the only thing about it was it made it seem like i had decided that i was leaving i had never had a choice and so it has sat inside of me now again woods

2:11:15very honestly says yeah man i mean it feels like you miss like you miss your old show and i don't miss i don't miss working with them because for the past couple of years working with them was not a good experience right um mostly because we had to all go on the air and pretend that we were all friends right and the reality of it was that i was friends with rob and i thought that i was friends with ashley uh i thought that her and i were were friends uh it's only been afterwards that you know and just from hearing from various people that she was really upset with me and had all these terrible things to say um which may confuse a lot of people because a lot of people might say well what about sky and what about eddie we definitely didn't have a relationship eddie was somebody that i had been

2:12:20that I had called my best friend for many years because in the early parts of our lives we were. And how do you really go from a point where you say that you were best friends to announcing, what do you, come on? Yeah, you don't announce it. Not only that, it happens so slowly that you drift apart that you, you know what I mean? Yeah. So there was that. And the only way that I can describe that thing that happened was that it felt violent. When I was crying with Rebecca, I said, The only way, and I know this is so dramatic, it's not so overdone, but all I'm going to tell you is we had newborn twins and an autistic kid and a big old house payment and two car payments, and I said it felt like murder. I said it felt like murder all around me. And up until that point in my life, I hadn't experienced, I'd been cheated on, but I hadn't been betrayed.

2:13:25The feeling was overwhelming. It still is. But more than that, there were some people that were viciously just smearing my name through the mud. And I can tell you that I think that my name meant too much to me. Sorry, air conditioner. My name and my reputation meant too much to me. It shouldn't have been such a big deal. Although anybody, you know, you get your reputation smeared a little bit, you're going to be upset about it. By the way, if you're listening right now, some of you may say, it's not that big of a deal. I've had much worse things happen in my life. That's true. But then there's starving kids in Haiti. It's all relative, man. It's relative. It's relative to what you know and what you've experienced. Sure. There's a lot of people go, oh, dude, you got it. You got it all. Listen, faith has sustained me, but I also have so much pain over a variety of things.

2:14:41But one thing that I'm happy about is working with L.O.B. and with Woods and with Jay and with Chris. Really hurt with the loss of Sienna. Very much. Very much. Wrote her an email this morning. I'm sharing this with you M1s because I want you to know me. I just want you to know me and where I am. Then there was this song. More coming up. Get ready for the left lane because the Drew Volkswagen Autobahn for All event is back. Every new Drew Volkswagen has a Drew value discount price every day and includes scheduled carefree maintenance for three years or 36,000 miles. See Drew VW for details. Peace of mind. That's why the Drew family has been doing business in La Mesa since 1927. Drew Volkswagen at DrewVW.com or at the store.

2:22:41next to the Drew Roundhouse of Values in La Mesa. Right now, get two croissant-wich breakfast sandwiches with sizzling sausage, melted cheese, and fluffy egg for just $3 at Burger King. It's the kind of deal that shines brighter than a thousand suns, magnified by a telescope that hasn't even been invented yet. This two croissant-wich for three bucks deal is the kind of deal that the world's cutest baby panda would stop mid-sneeze just to marvel at. The kind of deal... Yeah, you get the idea. It's a good deal. The two for three dollars breakfast croissants deal. Only at Burger King. For a limited time, pricing participation may vary. Breakfast hours only. Single item at regular price. Tax extra. Badges aren't given. They're earned. Through strength, like the available 390 horsepower 5.7 liter Hemi V8 engine that gets up to 20 mpg highway. And through dedication. With a five year, 100,000 mile powertrain warranty. Badges every Ram truck has worn for over 30 years. Drive home your own badge of honor at the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram Summer Clearance Event. Get a low-mileage lease on Ram Quad Cab Bighorn 4x2 for $199 a month for 39 months with $37.28 due at signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax title and license extra. Stop by California's Truck Stop, your Ram dealer. Hurry, offer ends soon.

2:23:57EPA estimated fuel economy, 1500 4x2, Hemi V8. See dealer for copy of limited warranty. Call 877-RAM-5722 for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. 25-cent charge for each mile over 32,500 miles. Residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by 9-6. Sarah and her printer took a vow of silence. Why? Well, there was nothing to talk about since she switched to original HP Inc. She no longer had to yell things like, I'm out again, or ow, ow, foot, foot, after kicking the wall. You see, original HP ink prints up to two times the pages than generic refills. So Sarah never had to kick the wall again. Unless it deserved it. Original HP ink cartridges print up to two times the pages than refilled cartridges. Find them at a retailer near you. HP. Hit print. Based on a Buyers Laboratory, Inc. 2011 study commissioned by HP on the performance of cartridges refilled by refill service providers sold to North America. Hey, it's Mikey for Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Everyone thinks shades when you hear that, but a lot of people don't think of the optical part. I'm talking about prescriptions with a lot of different frames to choose from and three easy locations. Sports Arena. It's right behind the Sports Arena. Just drive down Hancock, veer to the right, on to Kurtz. They're also in Kearney Mesa at the corner of Baltimore.

2:25:00Alboa and Convoy, and also the La Jolla Village Square Shopping Center in La Jolla. It is the easiest place to get your stuff done. As long as the sun keeps shining. Online at sunglassoptical.com. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award. A fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you. Because it means when you drive an Infiniti... You'll not only enjoy an unrivaled performance experience, you'll own the luxury brand projected to hold more of its value longer than any other in America. Come in now to the Infiniti Limited Engagement Summer Event to experience our full line of luxury performance vehicles. Our inventory selection is outstanding, so see your Infiniti retailer today for the year's best offers. Hurry, because summer is fleeting, and so is this event. Lease a 2011 Infiniti G25 journey for $3.19 per month for 39 months with $26.99 initial payment. Or get 1.9% APR on all 2011 models for well-qualified buyers. Tax, title, license, and options extra. Call 1-888-818-2668 for lease and disclaimer details. Offer ends 831-11. See retailer for details. At Miller Lite, we make a great-tasting light beer. And you can enjoy that great Pilsner taste in a big aluminum pint. Because big is way better than small.

2:26:23No one ever dreams of making it small. Studying to be a small shot lawyer? The verdict's in, you're an idiot. Go small or go home? Sounds like you never left home. Speak softly and carry a small stick? Have fun getting beaten with that stick? Repeatedly. Hobnobbing with his small wigs? You should pitch him that small idea. Small brothers watching you? Cover all the windows. He's a perv. Your friends call you the small cheese? Guess that's better than pizza face. Pizza face? Face it, nobody talks about the next small thing. So why settle for something small when you can grab a big Miller Lite aluminum pint with a wide mouth, a resealable cap, and four more ounces of that great Pilsner taste. Triple Hops Brewed Miller Lite. Taste greatness. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Great beer, great responsibility. You know you want ultimate performance. So now BMW and Seditas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Labor Day, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $299 a month plus tax. That's right, a new 2011 328i sedan for just $299 a month. Or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance,

2:27:44You'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328i for only $2.99 a month during the ultimate performance event. Now through Labor Day at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. Mainest plan, terms and conditions available. See store for details. Five of this offer, 36-month lease, 4062-plus tax title and license due at sign. Include $7.50 lease cash, zero security deposit, 20 cents per access mile over 30,000 miles. With above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer ends 9-5-11. Wells Fargo. Call, click, or stop by Wells Fargo today. Together, we'll go far. This report is brought to you by Cheetos Honey Barbecue Snacks. Punch your mouth in the face with the awesome flavor of Cheetos Honey Barbecue Snacks. Head to a convenience store today. Taste Cheetos Honey Barbecue Snacks and satisfy the hunger urge you just can't explain. Heading into Encinitas 5, southbound Encinitas Boulevard, you've got a car fire that happened earlier back up there to Poinsettia Lane. They obviously have gotten that car fire out. It's been a while.

2:28:45Still a backup in Bonita on the 805 northbound at the 54, an accident on the right shoulder. This is a hit and run. Looks like the victim's car went right into the ice plants. And the 8 westbound at 70th Lake Murray Boulevard, an injury accident. And this one has a delay all the way up to Severn Drive. This report also brought to you by Account Temps, providing clients with cost-effective staffing solutions to their peak accounting and finance workload needs. Call or visit them at AccountTemps.com, an equal opportunity employer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Good financial media station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I had the worst prom. Nobody wanted to go with me. Lauren. I'm a control freak. If I watch other people do things that I'd rather do, I'm like. Woods. I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. Woods just wondered, what if my shrink prescribed me medical marijuana? Feels real good to you. Then what would I do?

2:29:47Yeah, you're upset. You got some depression going on. He says, Mike, I got the cure for you. Right here, pal. What would you do? What a confliction. There is no confliction. Why? It's a prescription. Because I've smoked pot and I don't like it. But what if it was good? What if it was new age? New age, anti-anxiety, anti-depression pot. I don't want pot around my kids. I don't want anything to do with pot. What if it was a pot inhaler? Oh. THC. What about a brownie? You know you'd like that. There's Jay. Just kicking a guy when he's down and depressed. Hey, facts. Hey, Jams, eat this brownie. Come on. You won't be depressed anymore, I promise. I could put poison in it if it was in a brownie to eat it. Can you pull the curtain back on what L.O.B. just told us, by the way? Oh, boy. Yeah, but before I do, let me say there are a lot of people on Facebook, on our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey Show, that are saying, hey, your show is so much better now. And I know that. That's not what these feelings are about. These feelings are so complicated.

2:31:02It's not one feeling. It's various feelings. But what I can tell you is what it isn't. It's not this feeling of, oh, I wish I was still on that show. I don't. It's not because I wasn't happy. And I'm very happy working with the people that I work with now. And I love you guys. I actually genuinely love you guys. And we didn't, you know. Me and Eddie and Sky, well, they liked one another. They didn't like me. And I didn't really care for them either. You know, and I believed that Rob and I were very close. And really, in his defense, I really don't know that he, what was he going to do? You know, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. And like I said with the deal with Ashley was that I thought that we were okay with one another. But to some degree or another, I thought we were all okay with each other. It's true. And, you know, right up until the very end, everybody was pretending that we were all in it together. Well, you actually did a show where...

2:32:26The last show, everybody knew but you. Everyone knew. And so at the end of the show, I was like, all right, guys, I'm going upstairs and I'm going to find out what's going on, if we're going or if we're staying or whatever. And they were like, okay, okay. And they all knew. And they got the hell out of Dodge. They all knew that they were staying together and that I was going. That's the worst feeling. That's the worst, dude. Oh, it was. What's worse than that? It was, you know, I was in the same kind of shock that somebody's in when they get in a car accident. Yeah. How was that drive home? I can't even describe that drive home. I can't even imagine what it would be like for you. The first thing I did was call Eddie and I got his voicemail. And I was telling him, you know, and I was texting him. I remember the first thing I texted him was, please don't say anything bad about me. And I won't say anything bad about you because I know him. And I knew if he was doing this.

2:33:29that bad might come of it and the truth is i don't know that he has i don't know that he actually has i don't think he has um i've at least i've never heard anybody say you know eddie has said bad things i've never heard that other people i have but i've never heard that eddie has said so he may have stayed true to that um and i also told him uh i don't know if it's too late you know because i i thought i was out of a job so i would you know if they would have said hey listen We'll let you stay, but you got to make four bucks. What was I going to do? I didn't have a job. And I also remember telling him that he was the only one that I had tried to protect in a special way. I can't say what it is, but I tried to protect him in a special way contractually. That's all I can tell you. Legally. My mind just went blank. There was something else I was going to tell you. And I'm furiously trying to think, well, there were certain points that were just like main points. The rest of the ride home? Yeah, the rest of that ride home. I called Rebecca and I was calm. You know, I hadn't cried yet because I was still in shock. And so I told her and she didn't cry. You know, she was...

2:35:06calm it's a tough bro and i got home and we were both pretty strong you know we were trying to stay strong but then the reality was hitting us and and it felt too like um it felt like it was this like it was a game it had it had a feeling to it like it was a game like it was survivor yeah and that they had made these really um bold moves to execute me, to kick me out, and that there was some relishing in it, which I now know to be the case because I've communicated on one level or another with a couple of them. There was no reveling from Rob's point of view. But anyway, those are the things that are the reason that I haven't gotten over it. Those are the reasons that I'm still, those are the things that I'm still working out. Yeah, you know, if I can speak honestly and frankly too, when we first started on the air, you know, six months in or whatever, man, I would be pissed. You know, I would be mad and I'd be hurt. My feelings would be really hurt. I'm like, well, dude, you know, I'm here. I'm trying my best. You know, we all are and we just want to be a good show and have, you know, have a good time doing it and have our...

2:36:39Have our man, our host, a guy that's got a, you know, I wrote you an email one day about being a good quarterback. Remember? Long time ago. And I said, dude, you know, you throw a pick, you can't hang your head, come back to the bench. I got to have you out there throwing touchdown passes for us. You know, I moved across the country. I would be genuinely upset at times. And then when you told me, when you broke it down for me one day and you said, well, do you imagine that just one day LLB stopped calling you back? I stopped texting you back. Jay doesn't answer your calls. You come knocking on my door. I don't answer. And you're just done. And you don't know what the hell happened. And you lost your friends. And you're beating on L.O.B.'s door. And she's not coming to the door to answer. You see her looking through the window, but she don't want to talk to you. And she is not returning your calls or texts. When you said that to me, it went, bing, in my head. And then I go, yeah. makes perfect sense. And F that. That is something that you're never going to get over. You never will. You never, ever will. It cut you so deep. That's not true. Getting over something and learning to deal with something is different. When people lose their parents, you never get over that. And it's a different thing. It just stops hurting. It'll definitely stop hurting.

2:38:00The thing about it is that, dude, I'll tell you what, man. I wanted to have a very realistic evaluation with myself about where I screwed up. Because the biggest thing that I got was, here were the big things. One was, you didn't communicate with us about anything going on across the street, which is true. The other deal was, and all of this is just stuff that they said on the air, you know, didn't communicate. And it was a dictatorship, which is true. It was, well, it was a dictatorship like it is now. Right. In other words, let me explain. We have a meeting and we come up with an idea. And maybe Jay goes, hey, Mac, I say.

2:39:02We get four lesbians. Okay, good so far. And we dress them up like chickens. And then we have a chicken hunt. We motorboat them too. Yeah, motorboat. See if we can turn them. Right. I need my chicken. Now, they didn't come up with crazy ideas like that. They didn't come up with crazy stuff. But they would have an idea, right? Hey, let's do this. Let's do that. Let's say I didn't like the idea. Yep. Which happens. Which happens. Happens to us. Happens a lot. Happens to the kid a lot. More times than less times, if people were in agreement on the show, I'd go, let's try it. Okay. You always do that. I do that with you guys. You did it yesterday to me. Yeah, where I don't like it, but everybody else likes it, and I'm not stupid enough to go, Well, if everybody likes and I'm the only one that don't like it, we should probably try it. Right. I would do that all the time. But it was my final word. Yeah, you're the final say. Yeah. And that's as it should be. Yes. Now, their wording for that was that it was a dictatorship. Okay. Well, if that's a dictatorship, yeah, that's what it was. In as much as Apple was a dictatorship with their CEO. Right. I mean, somebody's got to run the ship. Everybody didn't get it. Now.

2:40:34What they wanted, though, was equal say. Right. Equal say. Now, if they had come to me, and I've said this to my wife, I said, there's really no other way it could have gone down. Because when I left, their show became bluer. And if they had come to me and said, hey, listen, dude, we'd like the show to go bluer. They know that my answer to that would have been, well, no, we're not doing that. Right. And, you know, very clearly, that's what they wanted because that's what happened. But to do this was what got me, was the whole thing of like, oh, no, no, no. That wasn't it. It was that, you know, you were a dictator. Minus the tater. Yes. Yes. It's true. It had to be done. I mean, it's true. It's not true. You're not a...

2:41:46Dictator minus the tater, but it was a funny line, so I thought I might throw it in there. Feast. It is. Feast. That's what he says. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but isn't it like any job you get fired from? They don't tell you. You walk into a room of people and they go, hey, got some information for you here. Here's how it's different. Here's how it's different. They fire you. Right. OK, if they fired all of us, OK, and we go. And by the way, I wasn't technically fired, wasn't I? Laid off. No, not renewed because I'd gotten another offer and it was their right to go to the other people and say, hey, would you guys like an offer?

2:42:49It was their right to do that. Morally, there's nothing. Morally, there's nothing wrong with what that company did. Morally. I mean, legally, there's nothing wrong. Morally. Yeah, there is. That's what's happened to me every single time. I get a department. It's just you, though. No, it's just me being fired. But I have a department that I've that I've built and I've got them up and they're like, oh, so they're giving these people raises below me. They're not saying anything to me. Like, I'm usually the one that tells my people I got raised. They got right. Hey, you got a raise. You get a raise. They do this and they say, hey, there's something big coming for you in May. And I still know this is going on. And then they come to me and go, hey, we're going to go ahead and let you go. But the person below you that you've trained and done everything for is now making much less than you. But did your department conspire and know about it? Well, they got raised. Without me knowing, it didn't go through me. I mean, and that's what's happened twice. I mean, I think it's kind of the standard. company you know bs line that they do they they would you still talk to those people yes i mean they did the difference is they did call me back yeah you know and probably they probably called you jay and said hey dude i'm sorry you got canned today but what wasn't happening was the five people under you that you trained were in the office of the the manager to make the decision going hey

2:44:07Get him the hell out of here. We want him gone. What they did do is call me to make sure. Hey, how did you do this? How did this go on? Can you tell me how to do this? It's different, though, too, because it isn't. It's like comparing apples and oranges because you weren't a team. You know, you weren't a entity. You know, like we were a band. Yeah, they were a band. Yeah, we were. We were a band. We always said it was us against them. We had our own crew. You know, it was our own. But you had separate, you know, duties that you did. Like, their show didn't exist, you know, exclusively of one another. It was all one thing. I definitely see the difference. I just, you know. Just playing devil's half kick. Just trying to hurt your feelings. No. No. Trying to kick you when you're down. Hey, Mike, I'm just trying to give you something to. Perspective. No, Mike. I'm just trying to give you something to help you lose sleep. No. It's just another thing where it's like I'm always the guy who just rolls off. He doesn't mean. See, and that's the truth, man. There are people, Mike, that if what happened to you happened, they would be like, screw them, man. I'm going to go show them. And they have that attitude. I have a little bit of you, and I have a little bit of that. Well, maybe you meet me in the parking lot. You know what I mean? I did not have an attitude of.

2:45:25Screw you. I'm going to go show you. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't have that. I had a crushed spirit. And a pacemaker that keeps going on. And I think popcorn that's finished in the microwave. 5701949. Your burritos are done. Do you want me to get them out of the microwave? It's not burritos. Sorry, your taquitos are done. Tostadas are done. We'll get them. I don't like enchiladas, by the way. Your tostada is done. Your facts from the other show just arrived. Oh, wow. What a D. It says Mikey, grow up. It says key ace and desist. What does that mean? That's cease and desist, Jay. Okay. Not key ace and desist. It's a C. It's not what it is. Yeah, C-E-A-S-E is cease. I thought it was key ace. 5701-949. Well, you need to know that your show here supports you.

2:46:28And we love you. And, you know, we just want to make you happy. And we want our show to be good. And we want you to be... You do and it is. We want you to be... I want you to be the guy that I know that you are. Which is, you know, the most talented radio host I've ever heard. I know radio. I'm not some... You know, I'm only a couple years in. This is what I grew up on, man. I've loved it forever. I know good when I see it. And I know talent when I see it. And if they had called me or if you had called me, this is where I'd still be. Okay? If Eddie had said, hey, man, we got an opening. You want to come over. I'm going to host. Maybe you do sports. And then you call me the same day. I'm coming here. A hundred times out of a hundred. Period. I go where the talent is. That's what I do. Thank you. Easy, Hollywood. It's not like you were getting two offers. Right. No, I didn't get two. Don't forget. Maybe now's the time to tell you, Mike. I did get two offers. I got two offers. No, I mean, listen, you follow the talent, man. It's like I compared to Oasis. You got two brothers. One's kind of a dick. The other one's really talented. Both of them have solo records coming out. I'm going where Noel Gallagher is. Why? Because he's the freaking talent, man. He's the one that writes the songs and puts the songs together and plays the instruments. I'm going with that guy, not the cocky, arrogant guy. Yeah. I'm going with Noel, pal. All right? Feast on it. Well, and it was so weird, man. It was so weird because...

2:47:55I would see former P1s, and they thought something very different. Big time. And it just hurt, man. Oh, gosh, it hurt so bad. It's real fun when me and LLB get cornered by them, which is just a blast, because we don't know Jack. We weren't involved in the old show. I was a little bit, but very little bit. But when we get cornered, they're like, so what really happened? I'm like, dude. Don't talk to me, man. I'm here, and this is our show now. So you can love it, and I hope you do. We're real people, and we will love you. But I'm not going to talk about that because I don't know. I know what my friend is going through. That's what I know. Hey, man, that was part of the seat. A lot of the reason that people were writing me yesterday is because I had that little episode yesterday talking about Dave Rickards. Yeah. Which I was thinking about this morning and regret.

2:48:57No. No, no, no. It's okay, man. It's okay for you to not regret doing something like that, but I do. I know you do. I know you're conflicted about a lot of stuff. And so I was thinking about it, and I went off yesterday on Rickards. Part of what hurts so bad about that is because he knew the last phone call that he and I had had, Dave Rickards and I, the last phone call when I was driving home from Claim Jumper. was all about protecting Eddie, Sky, Ashley and Rob. It was all about and me asking him, hey, dude, you didn't have an agent. How did you do this? You know, we fired our agent. How do you do this? How do you make sure they get protected? And he knew that and then put me on blast because I was number one and he wanted to and tactically he wanted to take down number one.

2:50:01and thought so little of our relationship that he was willing to forfeit it yeah that hurt like you know like hey man you didn't i know it seemed like we were kind of friends albeit acquaintances sure but good acquaintances and we've always been very respectful of one another but i you know listen i gotta cut you loose i'm never gonna be your friend again yeah because i'm gonna attack your faith and your character and that was what hurt And I don't want to start on all that again because that's what I regretted this morning. Losing friends is always, it doesn't matter how old you are, it takes you back to being five years old and getting told on the playground, I don't want to play with you anymore. Totally. It's the worst. That is so it. My favorite was Everything I Do, I Do It For You, but this is Brian Adams. This one's called So Alive. This is Ryan Adams. So Alive. You said you liked it the other day when you heard it. Coming up next, bed's up. I will kill you. This is a good song. Pop it in. The Mikey Show. Turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9.

2:51:26Hey, it's Hillary, and today at noon on FM 94.9, we're doing Desert Island Discs. So what three records would you have to have with you if you were stranded on a deserted island? Are you the Bob Marley sublime Johnny Cash type? Or wouldn't Arcade Fire Radiohead James Addiction Trio float your boat or your raft? I don't care if you pick Black Flag, Melt Banana, and Celine Dion. All right, let's not go that far. Tell us your three favorite records now at FM949SD.com and listen today at noon. Desert Island Discs on FM 94.9. AT&T, dummy. AT&T, mate. Mate. Go phone unlimited. Unlimited talk and text and the web for 50 bucks a month on the nationwide network. And it's a nationwide network that you can trust. It's AT&T. It's great. And here's how it works. You don't need a credit check. You don't need an annual contract. GoPhone has unlimited talk and text and the web for 50 bucks a month. Now, just go to your local AT&T store today. Check out GoPhone Unlimited only from AT&T. Or you can call 1-800-GO-PHONE or visit att.com slash gophone. It's a really good deal. It doesn't matter who you are.

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2:59:36Or you can go to Carfax.com. 56 westbound between Carmel Valley Road and the 5. It's slow. Speeds are about 25 miles an hour. In Oceanside on the 78 eastbound between the 5 and the 15. Traffic's very slow from Twin Oaks to the 15 merge. And things are clearing up here in El Cajon on the 8 westbound Lake Murray Boulevard. There was an earlier accident. They did clear that, but you do have a backup to Jackson Drive. This report brought to you by Cheetos Honey Barbecue Snacks. Punch your mouth in the face with the awesome flavor of Cheetos Honey Barbecue. Yeah, this is the life. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear, like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. Let's hear the orchestra of people that are in the studio. Mikey Show Live.

3:00:53We allow people to come into the studio at 9 a.m. every single day. On Fridays, we do 8 to 10. But, yeah, we have a live studio audience in the 9 o'clock hour, which is really cool, and we're glad that we do. If you didn't hear, it's an end of an era for Apple. CEO Steve Jobs has announced his retirement, and a guy named Tim Cook took over. Also, this was a cool story. This Marine at Camp Pendleton, six feet tall, 272 pounds. His name is Sergeant David Douglas. He's got a nickname, The Beast, and he is because he just broke the world record for bench press. 738.5 pounds. Holy cow. That dude put up 738.5 pounds. What amazes me the most about that is that at one point, he was in a womb. At one point, he probably weighed about eight pounds at birth. Sometimes I look at my kids and I'm like, one day you'll be able to bench press. Right now, you probably couldn't lift five pounds, except for Luke, who can lift 40. But 738 pounds.

3:02:21He could almost lift you. Wow, Jay. Wow. I'd be impressed if he did reps, but I mean, if it's just one up. Hang on a second, Lauren, because I don't think Mike heard me. I think I've made out with some girls that big in college after a few tequilas. Oh, wow. A few tequilas will get you. Slut buster. Slut buster is real good. Hugging. It shocks. Oh, gosh. It shocks me about Woods. What? Dude, I used to drink a lot and I just wouldn't know what I was doing. Obviously. If you haven't, there's an article if you haven't seen it. I know. It's in the reader. M1 Rick from Escondido. What was the word of the day? Orchestra, sir. He wins like every day. Do you have the hotline number? That is correct. That's my first word of the day. I'm very excited. Very, very well done. Very well done. Hang on the line. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? This story made me giggle so hard. The Mets were playing the Phillies on Monday night. Angel Pagan is an outfielder for the Mets. So he's sitting in. He's due up to be third in the inning they're hitting. And he's sitting there and he hears... It's his stomach. Guy goes, oops, I need to run to the potty. But they're saying, Angel, you're up third in the inning, so make it fast. He runs down to the clubhouse and has to go to the bathroom.

3:03:46He was late at bat. So they have to wait? They have to wait. Crowd started booing. He had to pull up, finish, run back out. He grounded out, and then he had to go back and play. Has that ever happened? I'm sure it's happened more times than we'll ever know. After the game, he had to have a meeting. With his manager about the, quote, diarrhea incident. Oh, my gosh. How humiliating. I know, dude. What do you say? I'm sorry. I had to go poo. What do you want? Because as a boss, I think you would be like, listen, maybe you nut it up a little bit. Yeah. And he's like, what do you want me to do? Yeah. I mean, you and I have had this experience before, Mike. Just let it all hang out on national television. I mean, holy cow. Also, I didn't know if you guys knew this, but Heath Bell was placed on trade. waivers yesterday, and he was claimed by the San Francisco Giants. Now, who knows if he's going to end up with the Giants. They have to work out a trade by 1 o'clock tomorrow, but it's a strategic move. It basically says we want to see if there's anybody out there that's willing to just throw the farm at us to rent Heath Bell basically for the next couple months. Heath has made it very clear that he will accept arbitration. He wants to stay in San Diego, and he's made that very clear. He will even take a discount to stay here.

3:05:04I have no doubts he'll be a Padre for the rest of his career. He may be a Giant for the next two months. But after that? We'll know tomorrow. Wow. Okay, what's changed with Facebook? Facebook is trending after the social media giant took a page from newcomer Google Plus in regards to privacy and sharing concerns. Individual status updates and profile information will now have drop-down menus for users to select specific audiences who can view their musings, while other tools will allow you to approve or reject posts and photos that someone else tags you in before they're published. Not all the features are new, but controls are being relocated to more trafficked areas of the site instead of buried in privacy settings pages. Facebook users can expect these changes to begin rolling out within the next few days. I'm trying to make it so you've got more privacy. I like being able to untag myself. Well, to decline even somebody tagging me. Because I look like a pig in pictures. And people will tag you at 10 o'clock at night. You've already been asleep. And it's been out there for all to see. For hours.

3:06:09Even when it's an okay picture, I usually untag myself. I untag myself when it's not me, but I'm just tagged in something that someone wants me to see. Like somebody's meal. Meal, a Tommy Bahama chair, a poster of an event that they're a part of. That's the new bit now. If you want someone to see something, you tag them in it. I'm like, that's not me. When I tag somebody, I feel like I've walked into their house when they're not home. And you come home and you're like, who left this here? There's like a door open. Yeah. There's like macaroni and cheese half eaten on a plate in your living room. And you're like, I didn't put that there. Who did that? Oh, God. How about the new bit where they're trying to sell something? Like, hey, look at these new shoes for $9.95 or whatever. And they tag you in that bit and then it shows up on your Facebook page. It's like, really? There was one that I was tagged in and they tagged like 900 people. So I'm sitting there reading 500 names trying to find mine. I'm done with that bit. If somebody does that to me again, I'm unfriending. Facebook is fixing it. Facebook is fixing it. So they won't be able to anymore. Yeah, it's a good move. Okay. Have you ever dated a girl?

3:07:25that you were embarrassed of her name, for instance. And by the way, if you have any of these names that are mentioned, don't freak out. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. You didn't name yourself. You were named. But what I'm saying is that you said to your boys, you're like, hey, dude, I've seen this girl, Betty. And they're like, the girl that you're dating, her name is Betty? She's 65. Betty's making a comeback. Is it? But, you know, there are some names that they're just... Mildred? Well, that would be tough. That was always my go-to. Like, if I played house as a kid and I didn't like one of the girls that was playing, I was like, you're Mildred. Wow. Monster. You are a monster. You're Mildred. You're the daughter, Mildred. You're Mildred. You're Mildred, you're dickhead, and come on. You're Mildred. But anyway...

3:08:24I had a lot. I had a few of those. You did? Yes. Yes. I dated a lolly. Asian? No. Filipino? Nope. Korean? White girl. Lolly? Transgender. Yes. Transgender. I dated a lolly. And it was embarrassing. That's kind of a foxy name. Well, she was foxy. Is that foxy? It's cool and different, yeah. That's Foxy. She was Foxy, but her name was Lolly. It makes you curious. What does this Lolly look like? How much marijuana do your parents smoke? Yeah, Lolly, get over here. What about, and I'm talking current day. What if you said, hey, this is my girlfriend, Joy. Hello, my Joy. Hey, Joy. It's nice. I know Joy. Hello, Joy. I think Doris. Doris. Doris. Doris will get you. Jane. Jane's not bad. It isn't? No, it's kind of foxy, actually, because it's so plain. Plain Jane. Plain Jane. Get it? Doris. Doris again. Because then you can call her Janie, and that's really cute. Yeah, yeah. That's really cute. Hey, Janie. It's close to Jamie, my wife, my lovely wife. Hey, this is my new girlfriend, Phyllis. Phyllis. Phyllis makes me think of a crazy girl. Yep. What about Roberta?

3:09:49That, I think, can still fly. Roberta can work. Roberta? Yeah. You guys got any? If you have some. Is there a Roberta in here? I just said Roberta. They must know a Roberta. You guys know Roberta? She's like, hi, I'm Roberta. Hi, Roberta. Roberta Smith. Nice to meet you. Are you Roberta? Oh, thank God. Dorothy. Dorothy's not bad. Dorothy's not bad. Dorothy? Dorothy. It's an older woman name. You're dating a 22-year-old girl named Dorothy? You call it Dot for short. It's... You put her in the outfit with the pigtails and the red shoes. How old would that get? 100%. I didn't get old at all. Ride her like a tricycle. Oh, wow. You're disgusting. My God. That has nothing to do with it. Please don't do that to your wife, Kim. That's not a good move. Oh, my God. M1 Dillweed from Poway is on the line. Hi, Dillweed. What's up, guys? How are you doing this morning? Good. I was. Never been better. What is your name? No, the name that you want to give us. I know. Ursula. Ursula. Ursula would get... Ursula! I feel like we could say anything and you'd be like, oh, it's hot. You think it's hot? Yeah, Rover. Ursula's nice. A little hot little Rover with blonde hair and a little ponytail. Groucho. Yeah, Groucho. Yeah, Groucho. I like Ursula. How about a Eunice? Eunice.

3:11:11You're just pretty bad. That's old. That's old as dirt. But see, that's the thing. Like, think of all the names now. They're going to be old one day. I know. At one point, at one point, Peggy was not, that was like hot. I can't picture a grandmother named Tina or like. Renee? That's my middle name. I know, but your grandmother, Renee, it's weird. Grandma Tiffany. Yeah. Grandpa Colton. Cody. Grandma Cody. Yeah. Kelly and Aiden. These are my grandparents. Kelly and Aiden. Grandpa Brad. You know, those are normal. Those are the names that we know right now. But then there's names that are timeless. Mark is a timeless name. Steve is a timeless name. Those names, they've been around forever. I hate my name. John. I hate my name. John isn't going to go out of style. I hate the name Steve. Yeah, the biblical names. Let's see. M1 Glenn from Chula Vista. What's up, Glenn? Hi. How you doing? I was just listening, and you said Roberta, and I don't remember who said it could still fly, but my cousin recently just broke up with a girl he took out on maybe like five or six days over the course of two weeks, and she was absolutely insane. Her name was Roberta? Roberta. He didn't text her one day, and she called talking about how he's just like a piece of crap and just gave him the whole fifth degree. Which would just be crazy.

3:12:38Sounds like a specific problem. Maybe not all Roberta's. He's like, no, no, no. All Roberta's, in fact. And what's funny about it is when he told me her name was Roberta, I stopped and I almost said something to him. That just strikes me as a little bit weird. There you go. Thank you. Just a hard B with the Roberta. Roberta? Hey, Phyllis. What are you doing? Hey. Hey. Phyllis. There are not a lot of 22-year-old Phyllises out there. No. There's just not. It's going to be really funny when the grandmothers... Madison. Grandmother Madison. My brother's name is Brent. Grandpa Brent. Yeah. Madison's a big player. Has been for a while. It's a very, very popular name. We had a girl named Betsy that was on my track team. I always felt so bad. I've known Betsy's. Me too. They've always been hot. But she hated her name. They've always been hot. Yeah, the Betsy's I've known have been really cute. Me too. Really? Yeah, I've known pretty Betsy's. Mostly brunettes. Yeah. Jay knew Betsy Ross. Yeah, Betsy Ross. I'm related to Betsy Ross. Who isn't? Right. I'm related to King Tut. No one's ever related to some random Egyptian. Right. I'm related to Robert E. Lee. Well, I'm not Egyptian, so I wouldn't be related to a random Egyptian. M1 Scott from San Diego.

3:14:06Are you there, Scott? Yeah, I'm here. Dolores. If anyone's seen Seinfeld. Seinfeld. Yep. Genius. Dolores. Mulva. Mulva. It makes you think, though, like, at one time, Dolores was a player, man. You're having a kid. Hey, what are you going to name her? Dolores. That's absolutely divine. Hi, little Dolores. Absolutely. Oh, look at the angel. Chubby little cheeks. Dolores, eh? Oh, that's so beautiful. I bet she'll grow up to be a very sturdy girl. A handsome little girl. M1 Elizabeth from San Diego. Hi, how you doing? Good. So, I'm speaking from experience. My nickname growing up was Skeeter. How did you get that nickname? My brother was listening to the radio with mom and there's a country singer named Skeeter Davis. Ah, let me call my little sister Skeeter. Skeeter. So it stuck with me until I was 18 and finally went to college and said, going back to Elizabeth. Yeah. Yeah, Skeeter. Hey, my wife was Becky until she was 22. I cannot picture your wife as Becky. Grandma Becky. Everybody called her Becky. In fact, when I first started dating her, it was that whole deal where her mom would be like, and she'd give her mom the look like, Mom.

3:15:38It's Rebecca now. It's Rebecca now. When you change your name like that, does that mean you're just getting older? You're an adult. Yeah, you're big time. You're a grown-up. I said happy birthday to one of my friends on Facebook today whose name is Jimmy. But everyone was writing, happy birthday, James. I'm like, James? I put it in parentheses. Easy. James? Question mark? You're Jimmy. You don't hide from it. Wait till I come in and go, you guys, from now on, you'll be calling me Steven. That's what your mom calls you. And your wife. Yeah. Same thing. You'll see, like, you went to high school with a dude named Bobby, and he comes up as a request as Robert so-and-so, and you're like, easy, Robert Redford. I did say that to my friend Bobby. I was like, Robert? You used to light your farts in the quad. Now you're Robert. Easy, pal. Maybe on your resume, not on Facebook, pal. It's like, maybe you didn't know. I don't shine shoes anymore. I don't shine shoes no more. Hey, Tommy, I wouldn't embarrass you. I'd tell you to go and get your shine box, all right? Hey, maybe you haven't heard. You've been away for a while. I don't shine shoes anymore. Keep them here. It's not Tommy. It's Thomas. 570-1949 is the number. M1 Kevin from San Diego. Hey, Mike. How are you guys doing? Good. So the worst name ever in history. When I hear it, it just makes my blood quiver in my chair. The name Olga. Oh, my gosh. They get you. What the heck is that coming from? They get you.

3:17:08It's a good sturdy German woman's name. Russian? Russian. Olga. Olga. Helga. Helga, German. Helga. Thank you for the call. I was asking our nanny, who is Hungarian, I was asking her, what are very popular names? Like, cool. Like, if you're having a kid in Hungary right now, what would be a cool name? Esther. Esther's kind of making a comeback here. It's not bad. It's my mom's name. It's kind of making a comeback here in America. But she said that is an old-fashioned but now classy, cool name. Yeah, that is a cool name. Esther. I wonder if my grandmothers are Shirley and Eleanor. I wonder if either of those names will come back. Eleanor. You don't hear a lot, you know. Or Edith. Oh, wow. I like Edith. Cute. Rose. Rose. Hello, Rose. I have a little baby. My cousin's little baby is named Rose. My nephew's name is freaking Oliver. Dude, that's cool though. It is. It makes me think he's a jinx from the Brady Bunch. Oliver was the jinx from the Brady Bunch. The neighbor. You didn't watch the Brady Bunch? Not very much. You didn't watch the Brady Bunch? I saw a few. He didn't get our George Glass reference the other day either. I didn't watch a lot of it. I was playing sports trying to make out. I understand that. Wasn't I?

3:18:37I don't know. You know a lot about Three's Company. Exactly. You've seen every episode of Three's Company. Three's Company is genius. He was dating two women at the same time. How does he go to a date at the restaurant at the same time with two different girls at different tables? Always a misunderstanding. That guy's my hero. Always a misunderstanding. He's my hero. Jack Tripper. How did they make 955 misunderstandings? They're sitting there in the room. They're like, dude, we've done every misunderstanding you can do. I know. I don't know how we can get another misunderstanding to happen. Put him at the beach. Put him at the beach. We've done the beach. We did Chrissy and Janet at the beach, but we didn't do Jack with the two girls at the beach yet. He's right. We didn't do Chrissy and Janet at the beach. We've done the restaurant. We've done the Regal Beagle. We've done the out-of-town trip. We've done the restaurant that Jack owned. We've done all that, but we haven't done the beach. Send him to the beach. Why don't we do, he's at the Regal Beagle. Okay. He's supposed to be at the beach at four, but Mr. Furley thought that he said four girls. At four. Four. And so now he thinks he's straight and he's going to kick him. He's going to evict him. And then Larry will come in and be like, I'll take one off your hand. And then instead of tripping over the couch, he'll trip over a bench. Right. At the beach. At the beach. Perfect. 570-1949. Make some noise in our live studio audience. Name that movie. Quit Lose. Yeah. Yes. I didn't even know this.

3:20:04The name of this band is Moving Pictures. 570-1949. At 949Mikey at gmail.com. More from the Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. Want to let you know that AT&T's got something called U-verse. It's only $29 a month for six months. Includes a DVR. And you get to do so much with it. Well, for one, you can record up to four different shows at once on one DVR. You can record and play back your shows from any room in your house. And it's 877-only-ATT. Again, 877-only-ATT. Or you can visit an AT&T store. Just walk in the store and say, hey, I want to know more about U-verse. Or you could also go to the website, att.com slash TV. I'm talking about U-verse. Again.

3:21:08$29 a month, six months DVR included, great DVR too, that records four shows at one time. Check them out. It's only with AT&T. Geographic and service restrictions apply. Price for you, Family TV, new customers only. After six months, standard rates apply. Total home DVR requires extra receivers and additional charge. Taxes and other charges apply. Offer ends November 5th, 2011. BMW SME. Know you want ultimate performance. So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Labor Day, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $299 a month plus tax. That's right, a new 2011 328i sedan for just $299 a month. or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above-average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance, you'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328i for only $299 a month during the ultimate performance event.

3:22:06Now through Labor Day at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. Mainest plan, terms and conditions available. See store for details. Five of this offer, 36-month lease, 4062-plus tax title and license due to sign. Include $7.50 lease cash, zero security deposit, 20 cents per access mile over 30,000 miles. With above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer ends 9-5-11. When he holds a shell up to his ear, he hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance. He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates, and it is glorious. Interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer.

3:23:17But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my... This is J.C. Thomas, and I'm leading SDG&E's emergency preparedness efforts. From high winds and earthquakes to landslides and wildfires, natural disasters can strike without warning. That's why preparing for an emergency should begin long before one happens. We can all do our part to be ready. At SDG&E, our crews are replacing wood poles with fire-resistant steel poles. To improve reliability, we've also installed remote switching technology on power lines. And we have an air crane firefighting helicopter ready to give vital support to firefighters working in remote areas. You can do your part, too. Start by having a personal emergency plan for your family. Also have an emergency supply kit on hand that includes things like non-perishable food, water, and a first aid kit. and know your evacuation route. To find out more ways you can be emergency prepared, visit sdge.com slash safety. Okay, Mr. Jenkins, what seems to be the problem? Whoa, pretty big rash there. I know, it's killing me. Had it ever since I signed up for this overrated plan for my wireless company, and the irritation hasn't stopped.

3:24:38Oh, yeah, so typical. Frankly, all those wireless companies really get you on those fancy plans and big contracts. It really can be painful. What can I do, Doc? Go to Cricket Wireless ASAP and get their family plan that gives you two smartphone lines for the price of their one line, okay? That's it. Yep. Okay, I'm on my way. Cricket's family plan gives you two lines with nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for just $100 a month. But hurry, this offer ends soon. So visit a Cricket store or MyCricket.com today. So smart, so Cricket. Requires no activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. I'm Samantha. I'm a fresh and easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money we pass on to you. I'm always looking for savings and wanting to eat healthy foods. I feel good about no artificial colors, no artificial flavors with the Fresh and Easy products, and it's high quality, and it's also affordable. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Samantha. Now everyone can enjoy hand-picked seedless grapes. Farm fresh from California, you'll taste the difference for just 77 cents a pound. Courage to call. This is Ron. How can I help? Well, I just got back from Iraq, and my wife and I are looking for work.

3:25:52And we need help with the kids. Courage to Call is a local veteran-run program helping veterans, friends, and family with jobs, child care, addiction, and stress. It's free and confidential. Well, good. I hope this was helpful for you. To speak to a veteran, call our 24-7 helpline at 211 or go to mhsinc.org slash Courage to Call. Funded by County of San Diego HHSA under MHSA. This is a reenactment of an actual call. Ollie wrote an opus about mythical creatures named Ollie Gators. That's right, Ollie Gators. And he needed a super ink to print his masterpiece, so he bought an original HP ink cartridge. They print up to two times the pages than generic refills, so every page was artfully printed. Just what he needed for the greatest novel ever written. About oligators. Original HP ink cartridges print up to two times the pages than refilled cartridges. Find them at a retailer near you. HP. Hit print. Based on a Byers Laboratory, Inc. 2011 study commissioned by HP on the performance of cartridges refilled by refill service providers sold to North America. Hey man, how's life? Oh, all I do is study for the bar exam. Dude, that's fantastic. Here, let me quiz you. Take a look at my Coors Light. What does this bar mean? The Coors Light's cold. And this bar? Means it's super cold. Boom, friend! You just passed the bar exam! Yes!

3:27:01New super cold activation with two stages. Now you'll know when your beer goes from cold to super cold. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business? Depot does! Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. Three-pack Sharpie accent highlighters, just 50 cents. Eraser caps, just one cent. One subject notebook, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Expires 827, limit three for offer.

3:28:14Don't miss Kohl's Mega Back to School Sale this Friday and Saturday. Shop 100 Power Hour Specials, Friday 3 to 11 p.m. and Saturday 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. The more you know, the more you Kohl's. Kohl's. Expect great things. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you. Oh, my God. Now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. Mikey. Please use the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... And Jay. Please grow up. On FM 94.9. We got Mikey Show live in the studio right now. So, kind of an interesting story for you that I probably... I think I lost it. It's weird. So check this out. This year's college freshmen, okay? They don't remember Michael Jordan being on the Bulls, okay? This year's college freshmen never saw Cheers. They've never lived without MP3s. They have not known life without MP3s. Let's see. They have no memory of the George Bush president. Not George W.

3:30:10George Bush, his dad. Ferris Bueller is old enough to be their dad. This year's college freshman. They were asking this year's college freshman. And Amazon makes them think of the website first. The River Second. Weird. Well, that's your answer too, Mike. That's true. And yours, L.O.B. Not anymore. That is true. John Wayne Bobbitt has always been reattached. And OJ Simpson has always been searching for the real killers. MP3s have always been available to download, whether legally or illegally. They've never seen a gigantic Sears catalog. They've never seen that. You ever circle what you want? Of course. Real good. Dog ear.

3:31:13the pages to show your mom what toys you wanted that you would never get. And look at the bra and panty section. Yep. Did that. Let's see. Major League Baseball has never had fewer than six divisions and has always had the wild card. Wow. Their parents have told them stories about how they fought to get them a Tickle Me Elmo when they were three. I remember that. That was like Cabbage Patch Kids when I was a kid. It was like dirt when Jay was a kid. They never saw the Soviet Union. To them, Russia has never had an official communist party. That's weird. That's so strange. I grew up being afraid of Russia. Me too. Being afraid of nuclear war. You're the death. Yeah. The phrase don't touch that dial on TV doesn't mean anything to them because their TV never had dials. Yep. How weird is all of that? You hear that and you go, oh, wow.

3:32:17Getting old. It makes me think like, what about them? They're going to be old one day. They're going to be reading one of these things, you know, talking about the stuff that they remember when they were kids. Guy robbed the bank, then returned the money because his girlfriend yelled at him. He went in and he demanded cash. They gave him $2,262. He goes back out. He gets into the car where his girlfriend was waiting for him. He hadn't told her why he was going into the bank. And when she found out he robbed the place, she freaked out. She yelled at him. And he finally got out of the car, went back into the bank, and returned the money. Because she yelled at him. Should he get in trouble? Of course. He didn't change it hard. He gave the money back. Because his girlfriend yelled at him. No harm done. But he's committed a crime. But he actually didn't because he gave the money back. One in, one out. What do you think? All's well that ends well.

3:33:18Well, I say he committed the crime. So he should do the time. Sure. But the books are balanced. All right. But he went in with a threat. No harm, no foul. He recanted. Speaking of harming and fouling, this morning, Woods and I were in the men's restroom in side-by-side stalls. Double barrel, DB. Double gross. And Jay walked in there with a recorder. And we didn't know. And here's what happened. Oh, hey, fellas. You didn't know that we were meeting? No. I didn't either. I guess I should just assume it now. If the day ends in Y...

3:34:25We're having a meeting. We have a just meet. Gosh darn it. Jay. Jay left and turned the lights off. Yep. Pants around ankles. No phone. No phone. No light. No matches. No nothing. No flares. No glade. I don't have my phone. Jay. Jay. That sound is Woods taking the palm of his hand and slapping it as hard as he can against the tile wall. Which I would not do. Right. Because it's scary. Right. It's loud. It's dark. It's so dark. It makes such a loud noise. It echoes. It echoes. And then I think to myself, oh, what if someone else is in the building? Well, it was like 4.45 a.m. I wasn't too worried about it. Well, I mean, even on the ninth floor. I mean. Come on, dude. I'm a child. You sound like a child. You can't get that we're not this young. Dude, come on. Yeah.

3:36:29That scared me so bad. That scared me so bad. Bull in a china shop. Yeah, a bull in a dark china shop. I'm fine, I make my knee. Are you all right? I'm fine, I make my knee. Now, I'm going to tell you what's about to happen. So scary. Jay never left the bathroom. Of course not. He's a sex pervert. He's a sex pervert. Sitting in the dark while people are pooping. My pants have my ankles as well. His pants have his ankles also. Black socks. Not in a stall. He is waiting where the light switch is to scare Woods. And that's what you're about to hear. So gross. Jay! Hold on. Where is the light? I'm not. I'm looking for the light. Never does. Is it here? Don't I? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was awful. Oh, Jay. Oh, he's living here. It scared me. It scares me hearing it now.

3:37:37It sounds like the Blair Witch Project. Oh, he's so happy. He threw out like a bat. Oh, hillbilly. Make some noise in our live studio audience. I keep saying I'm going to pay him back and I never do. I got to think of something. You got to think of something. I will take ideas at woods at mikeyshow.com. I love it. We'll be back with the Mikey Show after this. The end of the model year. And Nissan is laying it all on the line. The bottom line sales event is back with better availability than Honda or Toyota. So you can save now with 0% APR financing on Altima or get 1500 cash back on Altima. Get bottom line prices like 0% or 1500 back on Altima. Visit ChooseNissan.com.

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3:40:07Merchant services agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase business checking account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30th, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. JPMorgan Chase Bank, any member of TIC. Morning, Joe. Morning, Ms. Thompson. One of these days, it's going to happen. Somebody's going to try to talk you out of boar's head. Joe, I'd like a half pound of that boar's head turkey. I got something for you, Mrs. T. It's a new turkey on special. It's not boar's head, Joe. Well, they tell me it's kind of like boar's head. It's not boar's head, Joe. It's almost boar's head. It's not boar's head. Do it for me, huh? What do you say? What do I say? It's not boar's head. Yeah, I know. So I take it this boar's head is what you want, huh? That's what I like about you, Joe. You catch on quick. Everyone knows Boar's Head Oven Gold is the best turkey in America. But to get it, sometimes you have to insist. Ask them to show you the Boar's Head branded on the turkey itself. In other words, demand the brand. Boar's Head. Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. I call this one Best Girlfriend Ever. It had been a long day and an even longer week.

3:41:24So I headed toward the kitchen. Refreshment I did seek. But after swinging open the fridge, I saw the most horrific sight. Not a single cold beverage. Not a single Coors Light. Perhaps behind the milk or the dill pickle spears. But there was still no Coors Light. No ice cold beers. I grabbed my keys. It was time to hit the store. But stopped when I heard a knock knock at the door. It was my girlfriend. Bearing gifts of Coors Light. Best girlfriend ever. You got that right. Thank you. And I love you, Aaron. Frost Brewed Coors Light, the world's most refreshing beer. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. With great beer comes great responsibility. This Sunday, August 28th, it's Pacific Classic Day. Be a part of all the action as we host Del Mar's biggest race of the season, the $1 million TVG Pacific Classic. Come on out and get a free Del Mar sports bag. Whether you're off to the gym or headed to the beach, this stylish and durable bag with the Del Mar diamond logo is the perfect carry-off. Live from Progressive. With more discounts than ever before, Progressive can save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Savings. Oh, you can get bigger savings than that. Savings. That's close, but you can really save a lot of money. That's better. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Let's take another call.

3:42:51Hey, Flo, ever wonder if you offer too many discounts? Never. Homeowners, safe driver, snapshot, pay in full. Right now, we offer more discounts than ever. Doesn't that seem a bit excessive? Wait, is this Bill and Tom from another insurance company? Hang up. Hang up. Busted! Getting you all the discounts you deserve. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. So I'm in Verizon because I want one of those new 4G phones. And I say to the sales guy, you got 4G, they got 4G. Everybody's got 4G. But it's all the same, right? And he says, no, fact is, Verizon 4G LTE smartphones are twice as fast as any AT&T smartphone. And I say, twice as fast? No kidding. Well, hmm. But in my head, I'm going, he shoots, he scores! Then I say, yeah, yeah, but I want something cool. What do you got? And he says, how about the Droid Charge by Samsung, the Thunderbolt by HTC, or the new Revolution by LG? Wow. And now I'm going, go crazy, people, go crazy!

3:43:56Hurry into Verizon for the best 4G phones on the fastest 4G network. Verizon 4G LTE. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Early termination and other fees apply. Speed comparison based on expected speeds in Verizon 4G LTE markets. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. Hi, this is JC Thomas, and I'm leading SDG&E's emergency preparedness efforts. From high winds and earthquakes to landslides and wildfires, natural disasters can strike without warning. That's why preparing for an emergency should begin long before one happens. We can all do our part to be ready. At SDG&E, our crews are replacing wood poles with fire-resistant steel poles. To improve reliability, we've also installed remote switching technology on power lines. And we have an air crane firefighting helicopter ready to give vital support to firefighters working in remote areas. You can do your part, too. Start by having a personal emergency plan for your family. Also have an emergency supply kit on hand that includes things like non-perishable food, water, and a first aid kit. And know your evacuation route. To find out more ways you can be emergency prepared, visit sdge.com slash safety.

3:45:15At Vons, you can count on low prices. With amazing Vons Club specials and everyday low prices, you can get what you want, when you want it, at the price you need. That's their promise. That's ingredients for life. Vons. Hey, this is Jay with The Mikey Show. Join me today from noon to one at Lahaina's MPB. It's the league of most interesting challenges. Stop by. Register to win tickets to see Portugal and the Man, Arctic Monkeys, TV on the radio, Two Door Cinema Club, The Kills, Company of Thieves. Plus, you can challenge me in a head-to-head competition to win tickets to see Ben Harper at the Del Mar Racetrack. It's today from noon to one, Lahaina's MPB. All the info is at FM949SD.com. I hate to get up in the morning. Now about the Mikey Show. Oh, yeah. Mike. Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like the skateboard. FM 94.9. People are on the Facebook page wondering what Jay did when we went to commercial. Says, what the hell was Jay saying when he said, we'll be back.

3:46:30I want to do the rejoin. It was very strange. It was like the days of... This show is brought to you by Polyvin. Let's make some noise. We got a live studio audience here. Carrie Fisher has lost a lot of weight. Good for her. Princess Leia. Princess Leia has lost 50 pounds and said this. Oftentimes I'm sure you've been annoyed when television programs like this one start rolling that videotape of you as Princess Leia in that what metal bikini. It's like being Minnie Mouse now. It's so much out. You know that there's a marijuana called Princess Leia. Not that I know. But someone told me that.

3:47:21Not that I've ever seen it. Oh my gosh, look at you there. Yeah, well, I want to get back in the metal bikini and just like walk around the house like an idiot. Answer the doorbell. What? What is it? Oh, this old thing? I'm just wearing my home style metal bikini. I'll come out with a line of metal bikinis for women over 40. Really? Oh, very nice. Right? If she can fit back in that thing. Congrats. I mean, dude, that thing was skimpy a little bit. It was the hottest thing in the world at the time, right? Oh, yeah. And standing next to Jabba made it look even better. It's like me and Rebecca. Yeah. Yeah. Plead the fifth. Giving yourself credit. Mike, am I in there yet? Am I up in your kitchen? I'm up in that grill, Mike. Rattling your pats. That's right. Ashton Kutcher is taking over for Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men. He's talking to Letterman about it. My character's name is Walden Schmidt. Walden Schmidt. And they call you Wally? No, just Walden Schmidt. Walden Schmidt. How do you come in? Because this is like jumping off a truck running. No, that was Charlie's character. Wait, no.

3:48:57You're so salacious, Ashton. Charlie's character is no longer with us. How does he die? We know he dies. I can't reveal how he dies. How does he die? A heart attack? He dies because he's no longer living. Is it a medical problem or is it like a robbery gone bad? It's a death scenario. Did you know that in Afghanistan, they are now asking Marines to be very, very downrange if they fart because it's offensive to the Afghans in their culture? So would you would not do well as a Marine in Afghanistan? Because to their culture, it is very dirty. To our culture, it is as well. But some...

3:49:58Some friends, you cannot convince them of this. He used to at least be sly about it. Now he's just open season. Grown man. Yeah. Maybe chew your food. That's weird. I do chew my food. You're smelling it whole. Is that right? Digest better. Correlation. Digest. Yesterday, Woods did that. Yeah. As we were getting into an elevator. No. No, no, no, no. You did it right before we got in the elevator. And then it trailed you in. Right before. Yeah, didn't it? Yeah. That was awesome. It's a great ride. Stay away from the crack. And then this old lady got in and I left. Now, I don't understand the thinking because you knew that we had to get in there with you. God. That was the point for him. Yeah. Grow up, you know? You grow up. That would be what you would say to yourself. It's not good to hold it in. It's not that bit.

3:51:06It's really bad for you to hold it in. It is. You've got to let it flow, dude. Unless you're a lady. Then you don't ever. But if you're a guy, then you let it flow. You're not allowed to fart? Not out loud in public. Not like you can, but men and women should. Men and women. Don't do this. But I can. Not in public. Yeah, in public I can. I should be able to. Well, I do it to make him mad. Giselle and Tom Brady are now the world's wealthiest couple. Oh, my God. And the most beautiful. Well, it surprises me because I thought the other good-looking couple was the wealthiest. Angelina and Brad. They're up there, I think. They're up there, but they're not the wealthiest. The wealthiest, Tom Brady and Giselle. You think their kid will be tall? Freaking Tom Brady, dude. Their kid will be perfect. Be tall kid. It's a girl, though, right? Sure. No, it's a boy. It's a boy. Is it? Yeah, it's a boy. Probably the opposite. You know, good-looking couples sometimes make ugly kids. Not Giselle and Tom Brady. Gisele and Tom Brady aren't going to make a bad looking kid. And if it's a boy, that kid's going to be 6'5". I feel bad for the baby and for Bridget Monaghan, the girl that he was dating when he left her. Oh, yeah. Because now that's the second place kid, second place girl. Oh, man. I heard that his son's already been drafted by the Colts. I don't know if that's true. True. I heard he's been drafted by the Colts. Yeah, signing bonus already. Amy Winehouse's family says that there was no drugs in her system.

3:52:35Isn't that what the autopsy said, though? Not just her family. The thing I have says it was a statement released by her family. I think I read that it was like the autopsy actually concluded that there were no... How can that be possible? Drugs in her system. Has anybody seen the autopsy other than her family, though? That's also the question that you want to know. I don't know. How could you not? How could she not have drugs in her system? Didn't she just go through some sort of... Rehab? They tried to make her go, but I think she said no. Too soon. No, I'm serious. I thought she had just gone through a period of being clean. That's what I read that her dad said, but parents sure like to protect their kids. There was speculation that there was maybe some withdrawal going on as well. Severe withdrawal. Let's see. Hillary is in here with us. Hillary, what do you got coming up next? I am going to play some Talking Heads. I've been on a Talking Heads streak lately. Nice. I've been on a kick. So we'll play something from them. I'm going to play the new Jane's Addiction. Oh, I love it so much. I know. I love it so much. New Chili Peppers, new Switchfoot. And then I'm going to start with a legend. Steve Wood.