The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/30/11
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Lauren O'Brien blankety blankDating game for ChrisMatthew Fox assaultPenthouse vs jail dilemmaSexy or Mexy gameUrinal discussionBlend It challengeSexual stamina studyJapanese energy saving haircutsGlenn Campbell Alzheimer'slauren obrien blankety blankdating game chris
Host Mikey, alongside co-hosts Woods, Jay, Lauren O'Brien and phone screener Chris, featured memorable bits including Lauren's shocking blankety blank exchange, the dating game setup for Chris, and the Matthew Fox assault story. The show also tackled the penthouse-or-jail dilemma, the Sexy or Mexy language game, and a Woods of Wisdom urinal discussion, before moving on to the Blend It food challenge and a sexual stamina study. Later segments covered Japanese energy-saving haircuts post-Fukushima and an update on Glenn Campbell's Alzheimer's diagnosis.
What happened, in order
Lauren O'Brien's blankety blank
Lauren O'Brien shocks the hosts with a monotone delivery of a filthy phrase that leaves Mikey stunned.
Dating game setup for Chris
The show announces a dating game for phone screener Chris, where three women will be sequestered and Chris will pick one for a luxury Padre game date.
Matthew Fox assault story
A caller recounts being punched by Matthew Fox from Lost after refusing to let him board her bus, sparking a debate about pressing charges.
Penthouse vs jail dilemma
Hosts debate whether they'd rather have their daughter pose in Penthouse or serve a year in jail, weighing risks and freedoms.
Sexy or Mexy game
Lauren O'Brien speaks Spanish phrases and Mikey guesses if they're sexy or just regular, winning a lunch prize.
Urinal discussion (Woods of Wisdom)
A caller asks Woods about men sitting vs standing to pee, leading to a humorous talk about having a urinal at home.
Blend It tuna banana soup challenge
The crew blends tuna, banana, and cream of tomato soup, then tries to guess the ingredients while reacting to the foul taste.
Sexual stamina study discussion
A sexuality expert cites average male and female stamina, prompting jokes about endurance and focus on the show.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayChrisRebeccaRickMatthew FoxLuisChiJenniferEddieWillisDano
33,026 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Let me test this thing. Are you clapping for the shock shock over here on my left? Oh, man. We're just talking right now right before the... Turn that light on, Jay. Why do you have to turn that off? It's like broadcasting from the sun out here. Is it? Yes. You get it all nice in your lights and I've got fluorescent. Take it up with management. I am. I'm looking at him. Right before we went on the air, I told Woodsy... I said, hey, Woods, I'm going to your gig on the 16th. It's the 16th. Correct. September. Where is it? It's at Bootlegger, which is downtown on Market. And I'm going. Yes. And I want to invite listeners to go and pack that place. And Woods is going to play and sing. And he's a good singer. And he's a great guitar player. And he is a good friend and a lover. That's so weird.
And so, yeah, I'm looking forward to going. It's going to be fun. And Woods goes, you're going to like it, dude. He goes, there's good food there, too. I said, I don't care about the food. All I care about is my friend. Don't you put your tiny hand in mine. Whoa, you guys. Come on, guys. So my friend Lauren O'Brien, she says, hmm. That's it. And she says, oh. How did you phrase it exactly? I said, am I to assume that you don't love me since you've never been to one of my gigs? Ouch. Which was like getting struck by lightning. Yeah, right in the head. I had the same feeling as if I'd just been struck by lightning. Like she said it, my ears heard it, it went to my brain, and I went... It did take a minute. And my whole body stiffened up and went... I felt like I needed some sort of rubber spatula to be in my mouth so I wouldn't swallow my tongue. And I turned around and I looked at her and I said, you listen to me. I go, you better start liking me. And I mean, sometime soon. And she started laughing. I know. And I go, hey, I go, I don't go to your gigs because I have been told that they are so filthy that I would cry. You wouldn't.
And she goes, you wouldn't. And she goes, and it's no dirtier than anything I've said in here. I have a burning in my loins right now. Lauren. She goes, you've heard me say blankety blank. And when she said the blankety blank. Holy cow. It got me dirty. And the thing is, she says it in complete monotone. So good. She goes, oh, Mike, you've heard me say blankety blank. It's true. The blankety blank was so. Oh, my God. Disastrously filthy. Oh, yeah. Atomically filthy. That my jaw dropped open. And I'm in. Again. It's just words. Not truth. As I said, the first one's free. The next one goes in your mouth. It shocks me. Much like that. Shocks me. And so then I. This is very good. I said to Woods, I go, oh, hey, Woodsy. I go, I don't know that I've ever said it. So I just wanted to say to you, you've been to about three of my testimonies that I've gone and spoke out in the public. And I just wanted to take the opportunity to say thank you. This is fair enough. You're welcome. And then Lauren said, well, in fairness to me.
I'm not going to his gig either. Perfect. And both of us at the same time just go freaking like us. Freaking like us. I'll go to both. Maybe not the next one because I don't know when your next one is. But I will be going to one of your testimonies and I'll plan on going to Wiz's gig. I'm going to make my next testimony be in Tracy, California. That's why I didn't want to say next one and have you say it. Oh, for goodness sake. Well, welcome to the show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. And these guys put me in a great mood. I'm actually very stoked right now, which is good. And you can call us, 570-1949. See you in the doc today to get meds for depression. I saw you think. And I'm actually feeling all right. You know, I'm feeling pretty good, you know, depending on the moment. But I'm feeling really good. Jay, of course, has been a champion. Supporter. Just in your corner, dude. I am in your corner. In your corner beating you up. Yeah. He's my cut man, which means that he cuts me. Most cut men will help.
Close the cut. Close the cut. Not Jay. He opens it up. He opens the cut. Salts it up real good. Yeah, salts it. A little vinegar. Yeah. Then he takes a bottle of carbonated alcohol, shakes it up, and goes margarita mix all over your head. If someone's going to hurt you, I should be able to do it. Yeah. Ought to be me. I'll do it. Very balanced. Woods is our sports guy. He's got on a cool Yankee shirt today. It says Bronx Bombers. So soft. Dude, that looks soft. It's so soft. It can say, I like turds, and I'd wear it because it is soft. Looks good. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer and a good friend of ours. No, allegedly. Yep. Co-worker, I guess. Oh, shut up. I love her more than she loves me. No, you don't. You love her more than she loves you. 100%. My grandfather said that's a success to any relationship. What? You have to have them love you more than you love them. Congratulations. Well done. Well done. You're a master. Call your grandpa later today and be like, hey, I did it. Wow. Oh, gosh. Uh-oh. Oh, wow. Not.
And then there's Chris just looked up curiously like, oh, wow. Rest in peace, sir. Rest in peace. Please do. Jay is our producer. Yep. He's 48. And the guy's a ball buster. Piece of work. I don't know what you're talking about. He is a ball buster. But he actually makes me more comfortable with his ball busting. Yes. He's got a gift that way. He does. You know? He can walk into a room. You're sitting there and you're at a child's funeral. He'll make it better because he'll walk in and be like, he's a brat anyway, right? And everybody will laugh and then it'll like ease the tension and you feel better. Chris is our phone screener. It's crap. That's crap. Crazy horny. And we've gotten a lot of submissions from girls. A lot of submissive girls. Get ready. That want to go out with Chris. What's the first thing I said to you when I walked in today, Woodsy? Oh, boy. He said, he goes, well, I have a feeling you and I are going to probably get in an argument. No, I said we're going to disagree. Disagree about the choices for our friend Chris. Yes. And I said, you're probably right. And so I conceded and said, you just pick six and then we'll look through them. Come here, Chris. Get in here. Little angel. He's literally flying in here. Here he comes. Here he is. Here's Chris.
Chris is our phone screener. He's 22 years of age. And the thing that we always have to point out first with Chris is just how kind and what a good heart he has. He's just a good, good kid. And, you know, he's raised right, that kind of deal. I've met his dad. His dad's a good dude. And I even asked his dad. I said, what'd you do? How'd you do it? He said, how'd you do it? Oh, that's sweet. Because I want to know with my own kids. And you know what your dad said? He said, discipline. Your dad said discipline. Yeah. Yeah. I would agree with that at the beginning. In fact, Rebecca wanted me to ask you. She said, you ask him if his dad ever spanked him. Did not spank me. Oh, great. Did not spank me. Perfect. Thanks, Chris. But did always throw in the belt just in case. But it never actually happened. You were threatened. Yeah, but lovingly.
Lovingly threatened. Yeah, it's hard to do. That's an art. Yeah, that's an art. Well, anyway, Chris is a great guy. Handsome kid. He's six foot one. He's six foot one. He's half German, half Mexican. Good looking, tall, dark, and handsome guy. He's single. We're setting him up. We're doing the dating game. We're looking for three women. And what we're asking these gals to do is go to MikeyShow.com. And over on the right-hand column, you're going to see a thing that says the dating game with Chris. You click there. You tell us about yourself. And you send us a picture. If you don't send a picture of yourself, you're disqualified. We delete it right away. Now, we've gotten a lot of submissions. Every, and I mean this, every single girl is attractive. Yep. Every single girl. All right? Now, some girls are mucho attractive. Mucho. But worry me a little bit. Oh, boy. Worry. Why does it worry you? Oh, I don't know, because it looks like they're taking a dump in the middle of Jack in the Box, completely drunk with 1999 hats on the top of their head. Nothing wrong with that, pal. They submitted that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they didn't. Oh. I did research. Look at this guy. No, that's awesome. They're fun girls, so. Yeah, yeah, they're fun. Find a boring girl. Now, here's the deal. Now, here's the deal. If Chris just, if, well, put it this way. If Chris were.
And Woods were single. Okay? This is a no-brainer. This is a no-brainer. I know exactly who to pick. All I do is go, who's the hottest? And by hottest, I don't mean pretty. You mean big as boobs. I mean beautiful slash sexy slash... Poorish. I didn't say that word. I did. Okay. If I was single. And not saying that I married a girl that's like that, because I didn't. You didn't? No. Now, what we have in Chris is a nice guy. Nice guy. Super nice guy. So we got to find. So we got to find a nice girl. Find a nice girl. So ladies, we're not just judging you on your looks or just your submissions. We're taking everything into it. Nice girls can be a jack-in-the-box in the middle of the night with a $19.99 hat on drunk. Give me a break, Mikey. Come on. Can I ask you? Well, wait a minute, though, Jay. If you were single. Right. And I were doing the dating game with Jay. Yes. No brainer. That's the girl for you. 60 year old. No brainer. That's the girl for you. You know why? Because you are usually drunk in the Jack in the Box with a 1999 hat on your head. That's you. Well, but you could be. I would love to be. No doubt about it.
That's your style. That's the way you roll. Chris would love to be too. Chris doesn't really roll that way. We don't know what he does outside of him. He's shaking his head. No, I don't roll that way. Why don't we ask Chris? Because I know him a little bit. He's been in my home. We've talked. He's not been in my home, but I've been in your home with him. What do you want? I want somebody that I can hang out with. I really do. Somebody that I could just spend my time with, go to concerts. Party animal? You looking for a party animal? Not a party animal anymore, really. How about a morally casual? What if she had party? Is that how he would phrase it? Morally casual. If at times. Don't get the same three types or however many. No, no, no, I'm not. We're not going to get the same three types. No, I'm not. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I feel like a new dad. You guys got to trust me. You guys got to trust me that I'm not going to go in there and just look for Polly Puritan. I'm not. You're going to look what church they go to. Oh, boy. No. I'm not. When was the last time you were at church? Is that one of the questions? That's one of the questions. How much money did you put in the collection plate? What's your relationship with your guys? Hey, listen.
All I got to do to prove you wrong on that one, all I got to do to prove you wrong on that one is look at the Christian cast I put together, right? All I did when I was building this Mikey show is go out and just look for people that are in soup kitchens handing out porridge, right? Are you kidding? I got two male porn stars and a girl that says stuff that drops my jaw open. True statement. Shocking people, you know, so please. We're at the 700 Club. We're not the 700 Club around here. But I'm kind of like, I'm, you know, like a paradox in that way. Me too. Because, you know, like I make your jaw drop, but I'm also at the soup kitchen every weekend. Yeah, getting free soup. When I found L.O.B. for this show, I found her on YouTube and she had a couple of dirty jokes. They weren't, you know, dirty. No, I edited them. Yeah. And I didn't choose her on the basis of morality. I chose her because she was damn funny. I knew her comedy was up my alley. I got it. I understood it. It's the kind of thing that I knew would translate to funny. What's he? Forget it. Dynamic is all get up. Can only be himself.
One of, if not the funniest dude I've ever met. And that's a true story. That's a true story. It's true. With a track record. And you know what else he is? He's a freaking igniter. Woods is what you call an igniter. Now, if you don't know what an igniter is, get the book The Tipping Point. Because Woods is the very definition of the word igniter and the tipping point. You take someone that has a personality. that is so charismatic that they can start stuff. Oh, yeah. Start up real good. Yeah. You ever just get people saying, you ever just... Yeah. Start a language. Yeah. So, and that's the beauty. Okay, so anyway, back to Chris, though. We're looking for a girl to go out with Chris. So what we're going to do is we're going to decide on the three girls that will be in the dating game. He will not be able to see them. They will be sequestered. You want to black out that window? Jay's going to run a mic. And he will ask bachelorette number one a question, bachelorette number two, and bachelorette number three. We will have photographs, bios, all that stuff of them up. And so everybody listening will be able to see what they look like and everything. Before me. Before Chris. And then Chris will choose one, and we're going to send him on a fabulous date. Now, I can tell you what the first fabulous date's going to be. They actually get two fabulous dates.
Because the first fabulous date is that person will get to go see the Padre game on Friday night with Chris and all of us in a luxury skybox at the Padre. Family date. That's right. You're going to look like a hard ass dude. Yeah, we're going to keep an eye on you. That's going to be fun. That's going to be a blast. It's going to be awesome. Me and Jake can creep on her too, which will be good. In front of your wife. In front of our wife. He's just kidding, is he? So, there you go. Dating game will be on Friday. So we pick the girls. When are we going to pick, Miguel? After the show. After the show. And then we'll get it all set up for Friday. Sweet, dude. Excited. There's a girl in there that I think there's no doubt in my mind. That girl that had the North Coast church t-shirt on? Really? Really? The one with the Jesus fish on her chest. Hey, I don't know anything about the chicks, you know. Where? I'm just kidding. I know. The one with the burrito. The one with the Lucho Libre mask on. So anyway, and she is really pretty. She's real pretty. Solid. Yeah. So anyway. We're going to have fun, dude. Thank you. All right. Let's talk about what's happening in the world. You can call us 570-1949.
And you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. So check. Oh, by the way, pair of tickets to see the Chargers Niners game at Qualcomm Thursday night for the word of the day. That's the prize today for word of the day. And it's fraction. So when you hear me use that word in a sentence between now and 10, call her nine, you win. Big stuff to tell you. Check this out. Someone has HIV. in the porn industry, and it has shut down the porn industry. Wow. This is huge news right now. They've had to shut it down. The diagnosis was confirmed through retesting, according to an industry group. Now, this industry group is called the Free Speech Coalition, and the executive director is this woman named Diane Duke. And she told the LA Times on Monday that her group...
Became aware of the case on Saturday. Series of tests are being conducted on whoever this person is. We don't know if it's a guy or a girl. And a series of tests are being run on this person to confirm it. Even though they've already been retested. They're testing him again. To confirm it before anyone that that person might have spread it to will be notified. Okay? Now check this out. They don't know how long it's going to take. And they're not telling the person's name, their age, their gender, because they have a federal right to medical privacy. Anyway, they are going to be looking for two generations of the person's sexual partners. Good luck. Yeah. Meaning those that they had sex with and the people that they had sex with. Now, the porn industry has done a... Voluntary shutdown. Okay? They mostly do it in the San Fernando Valley is where they film these. It's a billion, excuse me, multi-billion dollar industry in America. And it includes Hustler. And I thought this was an interesting name for a porn company. Evil Angels Productions. That was interesting. Hey, listen. Let's brainstorm some ideas for the name of the company. Take them around.
How about charitable angels? That doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's not dirty enough. Heavenly angels. Heavenly angels doesn't work. No, that's just too bold. Dark angels. Dark angels. That's good. We're getting closer. What about evil? The porn industry also got shut down in 2010 because a guy named Derek Burtz was diagnosed with HIV. And that dude has been an advocate ever since for the use of condoms in porn with the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. So huge news, man. Big. Huge news. They should make, if you want to continue, they should make everyone who participates have to go get a test instead of chasing down two generations. Yeah, and remember, too. I think we said last week that they were, like, wanting condoms in the porn industry and all that. The problem is, though, LLB, is that I think it's a six-month window. I think you've got to go six-month celibate to get an accurate test, an AIDS test. Do you? Yeah, that's what I've always heard. I don't know if you have to be celibate. I just think that it can sometimes take six months to manifest itself. Yeah, they test every 30 days in the porn industry. Right, but I think if you want a 100% accurate...
You need to not have sex for six months and then they go. That's what I've always heard. I don't know if that's... We should say... I don't know. We don't know. That's what I've always heard. It's something you've heard. I'm not going to go on and on about it, but the death toll for Irene is at 40. So they're really doing their best to dig out of that thing. There is massive flooding in Vermont. Crazy. Oh, I mean, if you haven't seen the pictures of it, man, it's nuts. L.O.B.'s family is from New Jersey. What's going on there? They're going to have an insurance claimsman come out and look. They just had some flooding damage in the house, but nothing catastrophic or anything like that. What about around them? Is the town around them? It's not as bad. They had a storm a couple years ago. A lot of man-made lakes in my parents' town were... It broke all the little, not levees really, little dams and stuff like that. And there was like couches in the streets and stuff like that. And this didn't wreak as much havoc as this major storm that came a couple years ago. So a little bit of pockets of flooding, but not anything major. Gnarly. Just absolutely gnarly. There is somebody from the TV show named Lost that a woman is claiming punched her.
In Cleveland. And we have it. We got the audio of this woman talking about it. We'll tell you who it is. You can even think to yourself, I wonder who it would be. It's a guy. We'll tell you who it is when we come back. People are probably wondering what's going on, so I'm going to explain. You ready? Okay, here we go. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. First caller. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I think you called the wrong number, but Progressive.com lets you compare our rates with our competitors.
So there are other fish in the sea. Really? Yeah, you'll find someone. No, you can really compare rates at Progressive.com. Wow, you got over that quickly. Visit Progressive.com to compare rates and start saving today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Flo here, let's take another question. Hi, Flo. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts. Great, but that's not really a question. Oh, you're right. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts? Still not quite right. But you get the idea. Progressive makes it easy to save. Right. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Nissan's bottom line sales event has been extended. Through September 5th, get an extra $500 holiday bonus cash on popular models. Lease Altima $179 plus bonus cash. With a better availability of vehicles than Honda or Toyota, you save.
Get bottom-line prices on our top-of-the-line vehicles. Now, lease Altima $179 plus $500 holiday bonus cash. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars, bonus cash, more savings. That's the bottom line. Hurry in today. Bonus cash and September 5th. Bonus cash on Altima Maximo Rove Murano. $29.99 initial payment, 24 months on 2012 Altima. Excludes tax, title, license, non-refundable, $5.95 acquisition fee. Call 1-888-858-8319 for inventory and offer details. Bonus cash ballot 830-95. Other offers at 930-11. Hi, this is LOB for Ovation Cell Therapy. A couple weeks ago, you may have heard me talk about the new advanced formula. I didn't really know what was new about it. I just knew the bottle said advanced formula and that... It seemed that my hair was better than it was, but I really didn't know why. So I took to the internet and I went to the OvationHair.com website and I started to read about what was different about it. They've removed all sulfates and parabens. Not only is that just good for everybody, but particularly for anyone that's had any sort of color treatment or something like a Brazilian blowout. And I don't know if you remember I said that my hair was softer from the cream rinse. I really didn't know what they did. I just knew that it was...
like silky smooth. They've added five new moisturizers that are going to smooth and fortify your hair. It's 100% guaranteed. So if you give it a try, it's risk-free. They're going to give you 100% money-back guarantee. So go to OvationHair.com, enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. This is Matthew showing his bank smartphone app to a friend. I can see my balances and a map of my banks close by. This is Patrick showing Chase's mobile app to a friend. I can check my balances, find a Chase branch close by, transfer funds, deposit a check using my smartphone. Matthew. Um, did I mention the bank locator thing? Patrick. I can pay my bills. I can even send money to almost anyone with an email address. Matthew. Again. See, look. Branches. On a map. On my phone. With access to innovative technology like our award-winning Chase mobile app. including Chase QuickPay and Chase QuickDeposit, plus more branches coming soon to San Diego. Chase has you covered. Visit chase.com slash forward to download the Chase mobile app. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Chase QuickDeposit available on select smartphones. Accounts are subject to eligibility. Deposits subject to verification, limits, and restrictions. Chase QuickPay requires one Chase checking account holder on both persons in a U.S. bank account. Other limitations apply. Message and data rates from your service provider may apply. J.P. Morgan, Chase Bank, and a member of DIC. If you are the sort who refuses to compromise,
Then some might call you hard-headed, unwavering, a little set in your ways. At Coors, we'd call you a stand-up guy. Since 1873, we've taken a similar mindset when brewing our legendary Coors Banquet beer, using only Rocky Mountain water and the best high country barley, and brewing it in one place and one place only. Golden, Colorado. So to those of you out there who stand for something, we'd kindly invite you to sit down right at the bar because we'd like to pour you a nice cold banquet in Company Golden, Colorado. Coors Banquet believes with great beer comes great responsibility. It's a pop quiz from Cox. Which service offers free HD channels with no strings attached? Cox Advanced TV, of course.
Cox has over 1,800 HD viewing choices. That's more than satellite or the old phone company. Right now, during the Cox Cool and School sale, Cox Advanced TV starts for less than $25 a month. You get tons of free features with Cox Advanced TV, like TV Online. It lets you enjoy your favorite movies and shows anywhere, anywhere. And if you add whole home DVR, you can record your favorite shows in one room and watch them from another. Cox Advanced TV starts for less than $25 a month. And that's not an introductory price. Plus, add the best in premium programming like HBO and Cinemax for just $15 more a month for six months. So visit us right now at Cox.com to sign up and get other exclusive deals. It's the Cool in School sale from Cox. Limited time offer excludes required equipment rental, taxes, and other fees. Other restrictions apply. Stevie. Janet, what are you doing here? I've been thinking about what you asked, and yes. I'll marry you. Are you kidding? That was like 15 years ago. Oh, I know. I just had to be sure you were the one. Great opportunities don't wait forever. Like the Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, where you'll find exceptional values on the most popular Lexus models, but only for a limited time. Sorry, Janet. I've got to go. But what about our wedding? Well, you might want to ask my wife of seven years about that. The Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, now through September 6th.
Lease the 2011 RX350 for $459 a month for 36 months with $34.99 due with signing. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease program limitations and offer details on the 2011 RX350. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. No security deposit required. Offer value on the Lexus Western areas only and end September 6, 2011. Go to a Burger King and try a delicious croissandwich paired with a Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant with scrambled eggs and melted American cheese with your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. This report is brought to you by Mossy Nissan. Mossy Nissan will pay you cash for your car. Bring it in. Get an honest fare written offer today. Call 888-50-MOSSY or go to any of their six convenient locations. Well, there is some fog this morning, so give yourself a little bit of extra time as you head into work. Escondido, the 15 southbound before old 395 highway, an injury accident here. They've issued a sig alert.
It's a motorcycle and a car in the slow lane. Paula Temecula Road at Morrow Road still closed due to that fire that started yesterday. About 350 acres burned. It's 40% contained right now. And the 94 westbound at Broadway, we've got a... possible broken sprinkler. It's spraying in the slow lane. Careful as you go through there. This report brought to you by Rhodes Bacon Serve, Rhodes Warm and Serve Rules. From your freezer to your table in 12 minutes or less, Rhodes Warm and Serve Rules. Available in whole wheat, crusty, sourdough, and buttery white in your grocer's freezer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Tell me, what did the world look like to you when you first opened your eyes? The Mikey Show. With Mikey. The reason I've never been comfortable around kids, I'm always petrified. They're going to go, you're short and fat. You don't skimp on hair products. You don't skimp on haircuts. You don't skimp on DJs, designer jeans. And you don't skimp on your teeth. Lauren. Yep, I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. Like honey in my ears. I always wished I had an Asian girlfriend that I could sing this to like Daniel did. And like Daniel did too.
Just fight for her honor real good. You just want to fight for her honor? 100%. Like, go ahead. Try to dishonor my girl because I'm going to fight for her honor right now. Try it. I just want somebody to. Say something. Just so that I can get into her honor. Say something. I think she's a wonderful person. Say something else. I think you're a wonderful person. Dude. I'm not trying. Hey, I'll fight for her honor right now. I know you want to. I'm going to. But I don't. I'm going to anyway. Get on her and stay on her. Come here. No, I'm not fighting. God, that's good. I mean, back in the day, anything better than Karate Kid 2 and this freaking song and trying to make out with girls? I bet there's a lot of chicks listening right now between like 30 and 40 that had some big crushes on some dudes to this song. Oh, yeah. His name was Ralph.
Machu. Yes. He was 47 years old. Playing a 16-year-old. I don't understand the rules yet. I just want to go home. You want kryptonite, dude? Turn that movie on in my house. Watch my wife. She melts into a puddle on the floor. Kryptonite. She hates it? It's like her bones melt. She's like, oh, my God. Oh, really? Oh, dude. I love it. She hates it. Yeah, but I'm sure you've made her watch it a hundred times. It's a true statement. Woodsy sees movies a lot. God, I love that movie. Again and again. Love it. Word of the day's fraction. When you hear me say it, caller nine, you're getting a pair of tickets to see the Chargers and the Niners. Nice. All right, so. I was in downtown, chauffeuring a party for a bachelor, for a bachelor party because I'm a chauffeur driver. And a gentleman was trying to make entry into my vehicle. I told him several times that he was trespassing, that it's private property and he needed to remove himself.
And he never said a word to me. He just stood there, stared at me. He was inebriated. The smell off of him was, oh, like a bar, just like a bar. And after the third time I told him to get off my bus, he just stepped in for a right hook to my pelvis area. And he just started wailing on me like I was a man. Yeah. Did you know who he was? I had no idea who he was at the time. I did not know until after. after he was in custody that that was Matthew Fox from the TV show Lost. He's like the main star, Matthew Fox. Yeah, sharp dude. He's the main dude, yeah. It's so strange with alcohol because you drink a lot of alcohol and you start talking and people are like, whoo, stink. But if you drank orange juice and you were talking in somebody's face, they're not going to be like, whoa, it's like an orchard in here. It just doesn't happen that way.
Do you think you're going to press charges? I am. I am. I'm pressing charges. Assault is wrong. And he's rich. No matter who is wrong. Isn't that sad? Assault is wrong. And I really do feel violated. I mean, he was swinging on. He punched her. Yeah, that's our first thought, though. We're like, she's a money grubber. Like, we don't, like, there's no, we don't know. And it's like our, it's my first thought, too. Well, my deal is, is that if it were not Matthew Fox, all she'd be concerned about is. That the guy goes to jail and that he meets justice. And it sounds like she's interested in dough. Why does it sound like that? I thought they said, are you going to sue? Well, they said, are you going to press charges? I am. I'm pressing charges. Well, then, yeah. I misunderstood. It's sad because I immediately thought the same thing. You know, I'm like, oh, I totally misunderstood that. Money grubber. She's not a money grubber. She just wants him to see justice. What if that clown did that? That's weak. That's awful. He did. He was in custody. But they filed no charges and let him go. I wonder why. Maybe there was just him and her. Or was there? Whether it's you, me, assault is wrong. And I really do feel violated.
I mean, he was swinging on me and he was hitting me in places. I didn't think, you know, anybody would hit me in. I mean, he, you know, in my breast area, in my pelvis area. I mean, I didn't think anybody would hit me in those areas. Right. How many times have you thought about it? Or is it only afterwards during reflection that you've considered and then thought, huh? I never thought anybody would hit me there. I mean, I've been hitting the jaw. I've been hitting the eye. I've been hitting the ear. Nobody's ever punched me in the boob. Never. I saw pictures of her. Nobody's hit her there in a long time. Assault victim. Yeah. Is she? That's creepy, Uncle Jay. Hmm. Is she? Jay is the biggest cynic when it comes to stuff like that. He gets so mad. Hey, listen. That's Jack from Lost. He's a hero.
Yeah, he is. Survived a plane crash? Mm-hmm. It's a story. It's a TV show. No, it's real. It's a story. Yeah, you know why you think that? Why? Because you're freaking part of the Dharma thing. Yeah. The what? Dharma. The Dartmouth? Dharma. What is Dharma? Oh, really? You gonna act dumb? I'm not acting dumb. I've never seen that stupid show. Don't take me for a fool. I've never seen an episode. I promise you. Haven't you? No, I haven't. You're part of the Dharma conspiracy. Aren't you indeed the smoke monster? You're a lunatic. You know where the polar bear is, don't you? Oh, you do, don't you? What are you talking about? Where? That show's still on. No. No. Speaking Greek to me. Let's see. What's the deal with Michael Vick? All right.
So I don't want to beat a dead dog here, but I mean, I have talked over and over and over about this guy. What if they didn't let go of our past? What if people didn't let go of our past? I'm not saying anything about the guy's past. I'm saying, hey, I'm tipping my cap to that guy because he just landed a six-year, $100 million contract with the Eagles, $40 million in guarantees. Now, everything else he's done aside, do you think it's a smart signing for the Eagles to lock him up that long? For that much dough. Well, they don't have to pay him if he stops playing, right? $40 million guaranteed. $40 million. That's a lot. Is he worth $40 million the way he plays? He played real good last year. Dude, he's played great, but his style of play. I mean, that guy's a hit away from being done. I mean, he plays, you know, fancy free and footloose. You could have said that about a lot of dudes. Like? Steve Young. Retired early concussions.
Yeah, but he had a great... They probably had to pay him some dough. Yeah. Guy had a ring. Yeah. So that's what they're hoping for, hardware. Yeah, that's true. They'll probably get it, too. I bet the Philadelphia Eagles... I say they're a season or two away. Mm-hmm. From big time. It's all on him. I mean, it is all on him. No, not all on him. No, yeah, because, dude, don't you think they've got some big old superstars on there? You ever get a $100 million contract? You don't feel any pressure with $100 million to perform? You do. It's on him, period. And Deshaun Jackson makes $650,000. Awesome one. Who cares? That dude's a badass, dude. I've heard he's overrated. What? That's what I've heard. I was watching the game and I'm like, listen, guy's good, but he's no Dion. Well. We'll find out. Dude. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, I agree with that, but I don't know who it is. We'll see. But hey, congratulations, Mike Vick. It's proof that there is no such thing as karma. Oh, you're awful. It's proof. That's proof. That is proof. His karma was his prison. But this is proof. He went to prison. There is no such thing I'm saying. Yes, now he's rebuilding his karma. I'm saying that it obviously does not exist. It just doesn't exist. There's no such thing. I'm walking example that karma doesn't exist. I'm just saying he is too. You are not. 100% I am. Yeah, I will honestly say that. Because I've been a D before and I got a great gig. I live in a great town. It doesn't exist. But you've had bad things happen too. And people forgive you and people think, hey, you can change and you have. Sure. And you have. Sure. And he has too. I know.
Congratulations, man. What, Jay? People change. You should have seen the body language, Woods. What? Was he talking about me? What? No, we're friends. Do we have an open for buzzword? I can't even remember. No. We don't, do we? We don't. You want to just play it? Let's just play buzzword. 570-1949. You want to play? Call me, and you're going to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B. LLB always wins. Yeah. Every time. And the way that it works is Jay will give us a word. Then he will give us a clue with that word in it. And we have to yell it out. And the first person to yell it out is the winner. All right. Let's do this. 570-194-9. The prize is a four-pack of tickets to see Fitz and the Tantrums September 2nd at the Del Mar Racetrack. There you go. There you go. Looks like it's going to be cloudy, but I hope that doesn't happen. It gets clear. Sun's shiny. You ever had Dave's barbecue before, Woods? No. It's good. Have you ever had it, Jay? Where is it? They have a few locations, but the one I went to yesterday is in Vista. Famous Dave's. I love Phil's. I love Phil's. But we went there. It was good.
Look at all the barbecue places. They're named after guys. I know. Joey's. How come there's no more? This is barbecue. Brett's Barbecue. I love that place. Does your wife go outside and barbecue at your house? No. No. She's a vegetarian. My wife didn't really barbecue either. But I mean, it's not even just like McDougal's or like pig in a blanket's barbecue. It's always like a dude's barbecue. Oh, that's what he meant. He's like, of course, because women don't barbecue. He's right. He's right. But that's not what I meant. He said women can't barbecue. He did not. That's what he said. It just doesn't taste very good. M1 Andy from Vista. M1 Andy from Vista. Who do you want? I'll take LLB. Of course you will because she's going to win the whole thing. M1 Chris from Rancho Bernardo. Who do you want? I'm number 22, Mr. Wood. All right. Hang on. I like it. You don't have to give him the double bird L-O-B. Why? All you got to do is try to barbecue. Try to barbecue. Try to barbecue. Why? You're not a barbecuer. Listen, this is a true statement. Oh, my gosh. Listen, he's afraid to say it. Don't be afraid to say it. Oh, I'm not afraid to say it. Men are better at the grill than women. Hold on. And there's a reason.
It's an art. It's like if you cook. Oh, you're making a really piss now. No, no. If you tried it and really were interested in it, you could do it. But my wife doesn't want to go outside and barbecue. Yeah, women aren't interested in it. That's your wife. Okay, do you have a barbecue pit at your house? No. Well, then are you interested in it? No. No. Okay, then. That's what I'm saying. I don't cook either. Hey, check this one out. I got this one, too. What if you walked into a backyard full of a bunch of strangers and you had to pick somebody to barbecue the food? You picking a chick or a dude? I pick whoever's house it is. You. It's a husband and wife. And they're both standing there with aprons and flippers. And they're ready to go. And you got to pick one of them. Which one are you going to pick? The woman. Yes. Oh, you're a liar. You're a liar. Full of it. Just to spite all of you. I know it. Yeah. M1 Riff Raff from Lakeside. You're picking me last. Weird. Hang on the line. What's the word, Jay? What's the word? What's the word? Today's word is queen. All right. Let's do it. I'm a queen. You are a queen. The drones work for her. Queen baby. Dang it. Dang it. My friend would. Peace. A grand paddle wheel, riverboat, and the song title. Queen Mary. Queen of the river. Queen of the Nile. Queen. Riverboat queen. You're so close. Mississippi queen. There you go. Yeah.
Home. What are you going to know this? Of the peanut butter or peanut butter. Dairy Queen. What? Peanut Buster Parfait. You got that, Mike. I didn't get it out. I speak J. You do. Thank you. Dairy Queen, too. So do I. You speak ice cream. Gosh darn it. Abba Song. Feel the beat. That's it. I will be almost tossed a gear over. I'm still upset about the barbecue pit. That's how we beat her. We make sexist comments. We gotta make a sexist comment. I will stab you all. Karma. That's the new bit. Dude, that's gotta be the new bit. A woman can never be president. I'm checking out the rest of the show. Don't do it. Larger. Queen B. Than regular pantyhose. Queen size. I'm going to give that a tie to Woods and Lauren. Queen size. They have that? You said it. I know. I was just guessing. Just following my lead. You said it at the same time. Queen song. That dynamite with a laser beam. Killer Queen. Oh, God. That got me. I know. I was so tongue tied.
England's monarch. The queen! Queen Elizabeth! Gosh darn it. I hate you. I hate you too. Gosh dang it. Different word. Stupid queen. Alright. Here we go. New word. He couldn't figure out the last clue. No, no. I'm just trying to make sure they're good or not. There's something he could. He goes, uh-uh. Nut. The word is nut. N-U-T. Let's do it. Yeah, I know nut. Oh my god. Holiday ballet. Nut tiger! I'm going to give it to Mikey. Uh-oh. There comes a chair. No, LLB just flipped a chair. My chair. That's why men love LLB. She's so crazy, fiery, passionate. She just flipped a chair over. She threw it. She'd make love in the bathroom. I promise you. I promise you. In a full restaurant. Guarantee you. It's guaranteed. What's the word, nut?
Nut still. Okay, here we go. Looney bin. The nuts! Woods. Yes. Person or problem that's difficult to solve. Nut bag! Comes not to crack! Comes not to crack, y'all. That's woodsy. Poop! You are poop. You are poop. In summary. Nut crack! In a nutshell! In a nutshell! Oh, dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Everything in every category. The whole nut! The nut bag. The whole entire nut. The nutcase. It's iron nut. In a nutshell. No. Say it again. Everything in every category. Mixed bag of nuts. All that in a bag of nuts. Mixed bag of nuts. Mixed bag of nuts. Mixed bag of nuts. No. Is it a mixed bag of nuts? Is it all that in a bag of nuts? From soup to nuts.
I just got lightheaded, dude. Maybe eat a sandwich, would you? It's so hot in here. It's so hot. Threaded hardware partners. The nut! Screw a nut. Nut bolts. Nuts and bolts. Nuts and bolts. Is it nuts and bolts? It's nuts and bolts. Nuts and bolts. How many more of these? What's the score? Oh, God. Mike three, me three, Woods seven. So these are four pointers. Love you. So hot. I'm going crazy because of you. Nuthouse. I'm in a nut. I'm nuts over you. I'm nuts over you. Nuts over you. I'm nuts for you. Nuts over Miami. I'm done. Lord. Ass word. Ass word. We got one more. We got one more. How dare you. Quick. What's the score? Now it's tied. Oh, my God. There we go. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I cheated. You said three points or four? Four. Four. Oh.
Fee. HVD. Oh, gosh. Women are lesser than men. Oh, wow. Fanatical dieter and exerciser. Nut case. Exercise nut. Nut's about exercise. Health nut. Fitness nut. What? Health nut. L.O.B. is inconsolable. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. She'd make life in a bathroom. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. On a 15-minute break. That was everything I had. The two of them are sweating. I'm not kidding. They're sweating. They're sweating. It's 87 degrees. It's a game. Not to them. Not to them. It is not a game. It's man versus woman. It is life and death. It's man versus woman. It is life and death. M1 Chris, Woods won for you. Four-pack of tickets he fits in the tantrums. Woo! Let me tell you, he worked his ass off for you. I did. Gosh, darn it. He worked hard for you. Hang on. I'm going to give you a would you rather. I'm going to give you a would you rather and then I'm going to have you call and tell me. Is going to twist your brain. You must make a decision. Would you rather have your daughter pose in penthouse or go to jail for a year?
Would you rather have your daughter pose in penthouse or go to jail? Oh, look at Jay. Look at Jay. Two daughters. Two daughters. 570-1949. And I want your reasoning. And we're going to do the old man that does acting. Brace yourself. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42s. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. FM 94.9. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award. A fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you. Because it means when you drive an Infiniti...
You'll not only enjoy an unrivaled performance experience, you'll own the luxury brand projected to hold more of its value longer than any other in America. Come in now to the Infiniti Limited Engagement Summer Event to experience our full line of luxury performance vehicles. Our inventory selection is outstanding, so see your Infiniti retailer today for the year's best offers. Hurry, because summer is fleeting, and so is this event. Lease a 2011 Infiniti G25 journey for $3.19 per month for 39 months with $26.99 initial payment. Or get 1.9% APR on all 2011 models for well-qualified buyers. Tax, title, license, and options extra. Call 1-888-818-2668 for lease and disclaimer details. Offer ends 831-11. See retailer for details. Got to tell you about Sunglass and Optical Warehouse because Sunglass and Optical Warehouse is doing it up for you right now in the summertime. You know, they got a 20% off coupon at FM949SD.com. Just go there. You can download a 20% off coupon, take it to Sunglass and Optical Warehouse and get hooked up. San Diego Magazine says only place to go. And you don't want to go there to the mall where you're going to go in and someplace doesn't even have as good a selection. They don't have all the designer brands that you want. Plus, let's say you want to get your prescription put into a pair of shades. If you do that at a mall, you're going to have a few choices. If you do it at Sunglass and Optical Warehouse, over 7,000 pair.
of the latest designer brands. Come on, that's just simple math. Sports Arena, Kearney, Mason, La Jolla Village Square Shopping Center, that's where they're located. Go check them out because they've been in business now for over 20 years. They've been the number one source of sunglasses for UM1s for over 20 years. Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Hi, this is JC Thomas and I'm leading SDG&E's emergency preparedness efforts. From high winds and earthquakes to landslides and wildfires, natural disasters can strike without warning. That's why preparing for an emergency should begin long before one happens. We can all do our part to be ready. At SDG&E, our crews are replacing wood poles with fire-resistant steel poles. To improve reliability, we've also installed remote switching technology on power lines. And we have an air crane firefighting helicopter ready to give vital support to firefighters working in remote areas. You can do your part, too. Start by having a personal emergency plan for your family. Also have an emergency supply kit on hand that includes things like non-perishable food, water, and a first aid kit. And know your evacuation route. To find out more ways you can be emergency prepared, visit sdge.com slash safety. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied. What is this?
This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow. Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Merchant Services Agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase Business Checking Account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of TIC. Life's better with baseball. Look, it's a fact that a really impressive pitcher needs to understand the engineering and aerodynamic principles at work while a baseball is in flight. I mean, trajectory, rotational forces, the dynamics of turbulent airflow. It's crazy. So that's when you turn to Scanalysis for laser-sharp insight and postgame analysis. Bob Scanlon, only on the Saquon Casino Postgame Show. The Padres continue their series with the Dodgers, 645 Tuesday. From the remotest corners of East County.
to the splendor of the silver strand. From the innovative entrepreneur to the triumphant competitor, join us for the real San Diego stories that the local news stations simply don't have the time to tell. It's all about San Diego, and it's all right here on San Diego Insider Magazine. Don't miss the next debut edition of San Diego Insider Magazine, 6 p.m. Sunday exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego. Summer is a time to kick back and relax. unless you're an engineer for Mercedes-Benz. For them, there is no R&R, only R&D, and they've been engineering their vehicles the same tireless way for 125 summers. It's a dedication to craftsmanship you can feel behind the wheel of the 2011 E-Class sedan, a vehicle so advanced it can alert you when veering from your lane or even when driving drowsy. For one month only, come to the Mercedes-Benz Summer Event and lease the exceptionally engineered E350 Sport Sedan, an IIHS Top Safety Pick, for just $589 a month for 33 months, with $4,684 due at signing. So hurry in before the event ends August 31st. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through August 31st, 2011. Equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County.
Visit Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, Hoenn Motors in Carlsbad, and Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. I'm Samantha. I'm a Fresh and Easy neighborhood market customer. This message is by a real customer, not a celebrity. Saving money, we pass on to you. I'm always looking for savings and wanting to eat healthy foods. I feel good about no artificial colors, no artificial flavors with the Fresh and Easy products, and it's high quality, and it's also affordable. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Samantha. Now everyone can enjoy hand-picked seedless grapes. Farm fresh from California, they'll taste the difference for just 77 cents a pound. What's your perfect cup of joe? Does it have a splash of French vanilla? Or is your secret high-voltage java straight up? With countless flavor options from cappuccinos to sweeteners, you can go wild and create exactly what you're secretly craving. At a.m. p.m., when you buy three cups, you'll get the fourth on us. It's like... Have it all and then some. A.M. P.M. Too Much Good Stuff. At participating stores for a limited time while supplies last. See store for details. This Sunday, it's a free concert with legendary singer-songwriter Ben Harper. And the Suds will be flowing once again. The last beer fest of the season. It's all free with racetrack admission. 18 and up concert. This report is brought to you by Dietz & Watson Premium Meats and Artisan Cheeses. Carefully prepared with only the highest quality ingredients. Ask for them the finest grocery stores and neighborhood markets.
Looks like Paula Temecula Road at Mora Road, it is still closed due to this serious fire that happened yesterday morning. They do have 350 acres that have burned. It is 40% contained right now. In Escondido, the 15 southbound before old 395 highway, an injury accident, motorcycle, and a car. It's in the slow lane. They're waiting on a tow truck. This report brought to you by Burger King. Go to Burger King. Try a delicious croissant, which paired with Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, scrambled eggs, American cheese, your choice. Sausage or bacon at participating restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego. Only good financial media station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. Lauren. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized for days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. Toronto. Toby Keith. Real good. That's how it's done, pal. You think that guy's ever smelled horse poop? That guy's ever fell asleep on his cowboy hat before? You think that guy's ever been in a tack shop? You ever lost his receipt for Boot World? You think that guy's ever sent a pair of Wranglers to the dry cleaner? You think he's ever taken a horse bath in the morning after a lot?
That guy's ever worn the same pair of jeans two times in a row. Protect a pair of dirty drawers in his pocket. President Obama's uncle got busted in Framington, Massachusetts for drunk driving. Anyago Obama was arrested last Wednesday night. Almost ran his SUV into a patrol car after rolling through a stop sign and making an unsignaled left turn. Blood alcohol content of .14. What's going on in sports? Well, due to the short week in football this week for the Chargers, they've been granted a 24-hour extension in an effort to sell about 3,100 tickets so that we're not blacked out for the final preseason game. So if you want tickets, go to www.chargers.com. They've got until 7 p.m. today.
There are 3,100 tickets left. And the Padres lose to the Dodgers. 4-1. Clayton Kershaw was dominant. Andre Ethier, three hits and an RBI. The Padres probably ready to get this season over with, I would imagine. I think so. Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Jay. Phone screener is Chris. That's Chris. That's Chris. So here's a question. Would you rather, if you had to pick, and obviously these are extreme scenarios. Scenarios. Scenarios. Would you rather have your daughter pose in penthouse or would you rather have your daughter go to jail for a year? You got to pick one. What's the worst of two evils? Jay? I would rather have her do penthouse. You never know what could happen in jail. I mean. What's a jail? It's like jail, but it's spelled with a G. Okay. Now. But then. Yeah. If she's in penthouse.
What if people come up to you for years and they go, is that your daughter? Nope, sure wouldn't. Looked a lot like her, though. Who would say that? Yeah, who would say that? I would. You'd say that to Jay? I would post pictures all over his workspace. Yeah, you would. That you would do. I thought you were going to say I would post them on the internet. You wouldn't do that, but you would put them all over his workspace. I don't think anybody buys that magazine anymore because they get it all for free on the internet. You'd know. You would know. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you're speaking from experience or M1, Mr. Dodgeball from San Diego. Hey, what's up, guys? What's going on? I have two girls and a third on the way. And I'm with Jay all the way. Penthouse for the one reason. I don't think anybody really buys magazines anymore. And like you said, you never know what's going to happen in jail. There's no way I'd want my girls gone for three years. But your job also as a dad is to keep him off the pole and keep him out of magazines and videos. It's a hard one. It's a hard one. There you go. If they're in Penthouse, it will be. So I think you've got to go with Penthouse on that one, Mike. Okay. Jay's the old man who does acting. He's the old man with the poetry. He's so good he's on the money. An actor with ability.
He blinded me with acting, but he failed to pronounce clearly. What, Jay? There's something other in here. Jay came in as if a gorilla had just come in and used this room as a bathroom. I can explain. We have this orange spray that we use in the bathroom. It's supposed to be good. You don't have to say anymore. That makes sense. That makes sense. I know exactly where you're going with that one, buddy. All right, Jay. Are you ready to do the old man that does acting? No. Okay, here's how it works. Jay said at one, he made the fatal error one time of saying that he could act. And ever since that day, as a weekly bit, we've done a thing where he does not know what we're going to do. We have the music from the movie. We have the script. We hand him the script the last minute. He doesn't have a chance to look it over.
Seems fair. And then he has to do a cold read as if he's auditioning for the film. I never said I could do a cold read. I said I could act. I'm an actor. All right. Well, even though you never said you could do a cold read, you're convinced that you could. It's the very first scene in the movie The Godfather where the dear, dear... Mortuary owner, Buonasera, is talking to the Godfather. And for this segment of The Old Man That Does Acting, I will be playing the part, Buonasera. I will be the narrator. And Jay will be playing the Godfather himself, Vito Corleone. What is that? Buonasera gets up to whisper his request into Don Corleone's ears. That. I wish he would have paused for a second so that the people...
I wouldn't know that I said something to you, but... I'm a little reader. I'll give you. We've known each other for many years. But this is the first time you came to me for counsel. For help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee. Even though my wife is godmother to your child. But let's be frank here. You've never wanted my friendship. You're afraid to be in my debt. Into trouble. I understand that you found paradise in America. Had a good trade and make a good living. The police protected you and they were the courts of law. And you didn't make a friend to me, but now you come to me and you say, Don Coriolan, give me justice. But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day of my daughters is to be married. And you ask me to do.
Murder for money. I ask you for justice. That is not justice. Your daughter is still alive. Suffer, how much shall I pay you? The narrator missed his line. No, I didn't. I was about to read. I was pausing for effect. Vito stands, turning his back toward Buona Sera. No, I was talking about what he says then. Oh, I don't have to read that. It's like a comma. It's a part of punctuation. Continue, Vito. Go ahead, Vito. Bonasera. Bonasera. Action. Bonasera. Bonasera. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come here in friendship, then the scum that ruined your daughters would be suffering. It wasn't just the one daughter. Singular. Not daughters. This very day, and then by chance, if your honest man such as yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear.
my friend. After bowing in the dawn shrugs. After Bonasera kisses his hand. Good. Then, someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me, but until that day, accept this justice as a gift to my daughter's wedding day. Sorry? He leaves the room. Grazie, Godfather. Oh my gosh. Bravo. as he does at the end of every Jay, the old man that does acting. He gets so mad. He rips the paper that the script is on in half, shirt shimmies, and then goes into the next room and prepares fat jokes. Today it was a pit fan. Oh, yeah. Yes. Today it was a pit fan. Underneath the pits, just back and forth, back and forth.
Avoidance of punctuation is probably my favorite thing in the world. His outright hatred of punctuation is the greatest gift. Disdain. Disdain for punctuation. It's fantastic. So, my father and my mother will be just absolutely overjoyed to find out. The cast of the new Dancing with the Stars. This cast, as I think you'll agree, has something for everybody. Athletes, singers, and actors. So let's put the rumors to rest. Ladies and gentlemen, the new cast of Dancing with the Stars. She's an actress, producer, and talk show host. Daytime's darling, Ricky Lake. Los Angeles Laker NBA champion, Ron. Favorite from the hills, reality's Kristen Cavallari.
Carson Phillips, pop princess, China Phillips. Ooh, I must see that. Director and writer, the king of the big scream, David Arquette. Really? And this cast member stuck in New York couldn't be here tonight, but we're happy to welcome fashion and style guru Carson Kressley. Carson Kressley? Who is Carson Kressley? Maybe Queer Eye, maybe? Oh, could be. And then they revealed the rest of the cast. She's a former prosecutor turned crime commentator, courtroom queen, Nancy Grace. Nancy Grace. National soccer team goalie, soccer superstar, Hope Solo. Who? Han Solo. He's a team personality. He's a little bro, Rob Conn. He's an international actress and model, Italian beauty, Elisabetta Canales. Activist and the only child of Sonny and Cher.
Chaz Bono. He is Chaz Bono. He is Chaz Bono. And then here's Nancy Grace talking about joining the show. A lot of interesting, opinionated, outspoken people I see. My question is for someone in my industry. So, Nancy Grace, how do you compare the pressure of doing live news with what the pressure will be of doing live dancing? Well, I think it will probably be a lot easier to report on the live news than to be the live news. It's falling on your booty. So let's try to avoid that. Thank you very much. Now, here she is right now. We have her on the phone, ladies and gentlemen. Nancy, is that you? Yes, this is TV Nancy Grace. We know you're on TV. You don't have to say. Every single time, you don't have to tell us. Dancing with the Stars, Nancy Grace. All right, we got it. Fair enough. We understand that you're on Dancing with the Stars. We just played that. How are you, Nancy Grace? I'm great, Mike, this morning. That sounds good. I had a couple questions for you. What's that? I had a couple questions for you. Oh, you're just going to go on the offensive right away. Well, how does it feel to be the interviewee? Well, I'm supposed to be interviewing you, so I don't know why I'm suddenly the interviewee.
All right, let's get this started. All right. Yes? Isn't it true you were a gay nightclub dancer in your native Mexico? No, it is not true. I knew it. That I was a gay nightclub dancer in my native Mexico. And I'm not from Mexico. Aren't you? No. What's your last name? Esparza. Aha. Oh, I rest my case. Yeah. Mr. Esparza. Esparza. Mm-hmm. Tell me, Mike, if you're such a good dancer, why don't you try out for the show? First of all, I've never claimed to be a good dancer. So I don't know why you're saying if I'm such a good dancer, I am not a good dancer. Isn't that right? Yeah? Why are you wearing flat-toed ballet slippers and a tutu right now? I am not wearing... That's a good question. That is a great question. I'm not wearing flat-toed ballet slippers. That's Tuesday, right? I'm getting a live feed on my Skype cam. I would beg to do it. I'm not wearing that. And there is no Skype cam. I don't have any cameras. We don't have cameras. What do you call that thing around your waist if it's not a choo-choo? A belt. That's a belt. I'm wearing a belt. All my puffy belt. It's a stomach. It's a stomach. It's not my stomach. That's not my waist. It's not my stomach, Jay. I must be getting a mixed up feed over here. Yes, maybe you are.
true that you and Tom Bergeron once shared a marijuana cigarette at a 311 concert back in Memphis a few years back? No. Mikey. It is not. You and Tom Bergeron, really? No, I didn't. The guy from... I don't know Tom Bergeron. He's the host of Dancing with the Stars. I don't know him. You smoked a joint with him. I didn't smoke a joint with anybody. If Nancy Grace says so, I believe you. Yeah, I did too. She played a lot of clips of him, Mike, for someone who doesn't know him. I played clips that we got. I don't know him. Somebody was hilarious when you were smoking marijuana. Is that what has carried over into your radio career? It hasn't. It hasn't carried over. He's celebrating his entire catalog. I don't. I don't have his catalog. He's a host. Why is he always emailing you clips? He's not. According to my records, CC Mike Esparza, you're on the list. Esparza, and you don't have records on me. Well, I have a list of the distribution emails that went out to all top fan club members of Dancing with the Stars. Shut up. I trust that you are a fan now, so I won't charge you much for an autograph. I don't want one. Don't you?
It's Nancy Grace. TV's Nancy Grace. TV's Nancy Grace. That's who the stars, Nancy Grace. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. Good job. I love her. She's great. Sweet gal. Bet you can't barbecue, though. Oh, man. You're going to drive L.O.B. crazy with that barbecue stuff. Unbelievable. You know that people are twice as likely to get drunk at a new bar than a bar that they've been to before? Makes sense. Yeah, they did a study. University of Birmingham in England. Just trying to fit in. I wonder if that's it. Or just excited. Like you feel the vibe, you know, you walk into a new joint, you're like, yeah. Yeah, let's get some drinks. Let's get some cocktails. Let's do shots. How about we use that money to cure AIDS or something like that? Well, there's always something bigger. There's always something bigger to do. He's saying, well, why are they doing a study on that? Well, there's always a bigger study. Funny minute instead of getting shots.
I'd just be curing AIDS in my backyard with Jasper. That's right. Jasper, hand me the beaker. Don't start so fast. We won't cure AIDS. Give me that Bunsen burger. Hand it over. Daddy, I think it's called a Bunsen burner. I said Bunsen burger. That's what I said. Daddy, that's something you eat. Burger. Bunsen burger. Burner. You make me a Bunsen burger and shut your mouth. Social and biological, they say. People feel less comfortable at the new bar. And they overcompensate by drinking them. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah. Biological part of it, they say. When people go to a familiar bar, their body anticipates the alcohol and they actually counter some of the effects. So they get less strong. I do not recall. Well, you were a regular at a certain place. I was a regular. At a certain place that I recall. So you didn't, that didn't happen to you? Used to go to Baja, California in Dallas. That was your joint. But I got drunk there. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. You were a regular. I was a regular. So if I went to a new bar, man, for me, I'd even be the reverse. You'd drink less. I think so. I was more comfortable drinking. You're about comfort. For me, it is. Just you and Fat Paul hanging out real good watching DVDs at Baja, California. All the nude bars I went to didn't serve alcohol. Thank you, Jay. To implicate yourself or to boast about yourself?
She's a good... All right, call us right now, 570-1949. We're going to play Sexy or Mexy. And L.O.B. puts on this real sexy voice. She reads some phrases to me in Spanish, and I have to decide whether or not it's sexy or Mexy. It's either she's saying something sexy to me, or she's just saying a regular phrase in Spanish. And if I get more right than wrong, I win for you. 570-1949. What do we got as a prize, Jay? We have a pair or lunch for two at Surf Brothers Teriyaki, one of the only local-owned family chains in San Diego. There you go. Call us up. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Hey, listen to this. The GoPhone, man. This is great. A great phone, too. The GoPhone is unlimited talk. unlimited text, and the web for 50 bucks a month on this nationwide network that you can trust. It's AT&T. Now, this is important for you to know. If you love texting, if you love instant messaging, your friends, tell them to go out and get the GoPhone. Get the GoPhone yourself. You love to text them. It's a great phone, too. Pantec. It's a great phone. It's the P7040P. Great phone, man. Great deal.
And all you need to do to get one is go into your local AT&T store or check them out online. ATT.com slash GoPhone. Or you can call them up. 800-GO-PHONE. That's easy to remember. Call it right now. 800-GO-PHONE. There's no contract, no annual contract, no credit check. It's AT&T. Eligible device and minimum account balance required. Data package required for smartphones. Coverage not available everywhere. Other restrictions and conditions apply. See store for details. Stevie. Janet, what are you doing here? I've been thinking about what you asked, and yes, I'll marry you. Are you kidding? That was like 15 years ago. Oh, I know. I just had to be sure you were the one. Great opportunities don't wait forever. Like the Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, where you'll find exceptional values on the most popular Lexus models. but only for a limited time. Sorry, Janet. I've got to go. But what about our wedding? Well, you might want to ask my wife of seven years about that. The Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, now through September 6th. Lease the 2011 ES350 for $3.99 a month for 36 months, with $34.99 due at signing. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego.
Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease program limitations and offer details on the 2011 ES350. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. No security deposit required. Offer valid in Lexus Western areas only and end September 6th, 2011. The future is a potentially thrilling and wonderful place full of all sorts of automatic ways to make our lives easier. Everything from automatic dog-pitting clocks to auto jetpack washers to sock fold-o-matics. It's going to be great. But until then, it's good to know that you can start saving money automatically today. When you're ready to bring your savings into the 21st century at Wells Fargo, we're with you. With the Way to Save Savings account exclusively from Wells Fargo, you can save money automatically. If you choose our save-as-you-go option, we'll automatically transfer $1 from your Wells Fargo checking account to your Way to Save account when you make a debit card purchase, pay a bill with Wells Fargo Online Bill Pay, or make an automatic payment. You can also set up monthly automatic transfers to grow your savings faster. With a WayToSave account, you also gain access to Wells Fargo online banking, online savings tools, and Wells Fargo mobile banking. To learn more about how you can get ahead with your savings with our WayToSave account, stop by Wells Fargo today. Wells Fargo. Together, we'll go far. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business? Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed.
So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. Fiskar scissors, just $1. 12-pack paper made mechanical pencils, just $1. Pencil box, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Expires 9-3. Pencil box and scissors, number five. Pencils, number three. Life's better with baseball. Look, it's a fact. that a really impressive pitcher needs to understand the engineering and aerodynamic principles at work while a baseball is in flight. I mean, trajectory, rotational forces, the dynamics of turbulent airflow. It's crazy. So that's when you turn to Scanalysis for laser-sharp insight and postgame analysis. Bob Scanlon, only on the Saquon Casino Postgame Show. The Padres continue their series with the Dodgers, 645 Tuesday. From the remotest corners of East County to the splendor of the Silver Strand.
From the innovative entrepreneur to the triumphant competitor, join us for the real San Diego stories that the local news stations simply don't have the time to tell. It's all about San Diego, and it's all right here on San Diego Insider Magazine. Don't miss the next debut edition of San Diego Insider Magazine, 6 p.m. Sunday, exclusively on Channel 4, San Diego. Live from Progressive. Flow here. With more discounts than ever before, Progressive can save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Savings. Oh, you can get bigger savings than that. Savings. That's close, but you can really save a lot of money. Much better. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Let's take another call. Hey, Flo. Ever wonder if you offer too many discounts? Never. Homeowners, safe driver, snapshot, pay in full. Right now, we offer more discounts than ever. Doesn't that seem a bit excessive? Wait. Is this Bill and Tom from another insurance company? Uh... Hang up. Hang up. Busted! Getting you all the discounts you deserve. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Where will you be heading for vacation?
The mountains? The lakes? The beaches? Whatever your summer destination, make sure it starts behind the wheel of a 2011 ML350. With up to 72.4 cubic feet of cargo space, innovative brake assist technology, and a revolutionary pre-safe system that can actually detect and prepare for an accident before it happens, the M-Class is the perfect summer road trip vehicle. For one month only, come into the Mercedes-Benz Summer Event and get the exceptionally engineered M-Class with 1.9% APR for 24 to 36 months or lease one for $5.29 a month for 33 months with $5.074 due at signing. So hurry in before the event ends August 31st. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services or participating dealers through August 31st, 2011. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. Owen Motors in Carlsbad, and Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. Go to a Burger King and try a delicious croissant-wich paired with a Seattle's Best Coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant with scrambled eggs and melted American cheese with your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. This report is brought to you by Burger King. Go to Burger King, try a delicious croissant-wich paired with a Seattle's Best Coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, scrambled eggs, American cheese, your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants.
Well, it looks like Paula Temecula Road at Moore Road still closed this morning due to a serious fire that started yesterday morning. They've got it about 40% contained. In National City, the 5 northbound after 8th Street, an accident there. A couple cars blocking the number two lanes, and you're backed up here to the 54. Actually, it's the number three and four lanes that are blocked. Either way, you're stuck there. In La Mesa, the 8 westbound at 70th Lake Murray Boulevard, there's a car stuck. It's blocking the left shoulder. This report also brought to you by Account Temps, providing clients with cost-effective staffing solutions to their peak accounting and finance workload needs. Call or visit them at AccountTemps.com, an equal opportunity employer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Tuesday morning being brought to you, of course, by Frost Brewed Coors Light. It's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Brewing Company, Golan, Colorado. Surfwise today, looking at a combination of wind swell primarily and some secondary south, southwest really swell out there. Nothing really large, but still kind of fun in that waist and chest high zone. Maybe a few pluses at the standout combination spots.
Cloudy skies will greet you this morning, kind of a tropical feel to it again with a little bit of a wind on it as it's south. Eddie is back. So beach break's looking a little bit textured right now. Coming up with a lower tide too, so that is hurting sides of shape. Look for some improvement throughout the morning. Once again, beach break kind of a morning for sure. Reef break's just kind of too weak and bleak. And water temp likely to have dropped off another notch or two with that wind smoke picking up. So pay attention to those water temps before you head out. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for your surfboard repair restoration needs, go see my friend Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Anytime you're ready. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I buy it, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls' trip, and I'll go on, like, a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9. What are the days for action? When you hear me say it between now and 10, call her 9. I'll give you a pair of tickets to see the Chargers and the Niners. Thursday night. Go Chargers!
Call us right now, 570-1949 if you want to play sexy or mexy. A little bit of a back story. We'll help you out with this. Turn your phone off, dude. We're on the air. It's not funny. That's not my fault. You know it isn't my fault. You know it is. I guess you don't have to follow the rules in here. We all do. That's not my ringtone. Rebecca, he'll call you back. Gosh, dude. Mikey! I am of Hispanic descent. I don't have any other blood except for Mexican. I am full-blooded Mexican. What's he saying? I have no idea. And the reason I don't know is because I don't speak Spanish. Although I will tell you, I love this music. I love it. I actually love it. And the reason I do is because it reminds me of when I was a kid.
We used to go to barbecues and stuff, and this would be on. My drunk uncles would be there. Spanglish in the dub. My cousin Ruben would be saying things that would be very inappropriate. Do some Spanglish for me. It's my favorite. Next Wednesday. Hey, tÃo. Hey, tÃo. Where's the beers? Where'd you put the beers? I remember being at barbecues and oh my gosh. What do you guys call them? Barbecues. Clown. What do you guys call them? Barbecues.
M1 Surf Daddy from Encinitas. You there? Yeah. All right. All right. So how many do we have, LLB? I have five. Okay. So I got to get at least three out of five right. If I guess correctly, you win. We'll keep scoring. All right. And the game is... Sexy music or just that other thing you're playing? Your ringtone. We'll just go with the... The ringtone. The regular stuff. All right. Now. Ella B. is going to be saying something to me in Spanish and I have to determine whether or not what she's saying is something very sexy or if it's just some innocuous phrase in Spanish. Ready, Mike? Yep. Sexy. Yes. You're too good. I think you're a real Mexican. Your mouth is my heaven. Really? I have zero clue what she is saying. Don't look what... Man. Okay, ready? Yep. ¿Sabes qué es verdad? Sexy. Not. All I'm saying is, how do you know it's true? Pretty sexy. Real sexy. Okay, ready? Yep. Tus ojos son muy aburritos. There's a word in there you might know. Yeah. It sounded like she said burritos. That's what I thought. Aburritos. Not sexy. No. It's your eyes are very boring. Oh, no. I thought that I was correct. Yes, you were correct. It's two.
One more, you win. Okay. Okay, ready? Yep. Say it again. Say it again. Yeah. Dirty little angel. That is Maxi. Yes. Damn it. I would like to go shopping with you. I won for you, buddy. I won for you, Sir Daddy. Thank you, bro. Hang on the line. You only got one wrong. No. You might be a Mexie after all. You might be a Mexican, Mike. If your name's Mike. You might be a Mexican if. What you got over there for breakfast, Mike? Oh, a burrito. Well, you might be a Mexican. What a shock. A couple different kinds of sauces. Green one. Red one. Black variety, don't you, Mexie? Sure do. Man. Somebody's fresh from the border.
Man, if I didn't know any better, I'd think there was a burrow in there. I know you didn't swim over, so how'd you get over, really? Mike, come here. Let me feel your back. Oh, no. Okay, now I'm the racist. My mom is racist against her own race. This is the most hysterical thing I've ever seen in my life. Mom, Mexican. And stop whispering. Yeah. No, but I mean like, you know, dirty Mexicans. Like, I think I'd be like, babe, did you see the friggin' hillbillies that moved in next door? I'd do that. Yeah. I mean, I think you can be racist against your own race, can't you? Yeah. Well, I don't know if you can, but she is. And listen, I'm saying this with the most lightheartedness. It's funny. I mean, it just makes me laugh. Yeah. Every time I have to remind her that she is, in fact, Mexican, if she's listening right now, she's laughing hysterically because she knows it's true.
Driving nuts when my kids run around in diapers. I feel so WT, man. Oh, yeah. Nothing wrong with it. At the house. Yeah, at the house, dude. No. It's still kind of WT. Put something on them. Oh, at the house? It's fine. No, it's not, man. Especially if nobody's there. It looks weird. Why do we have clothes? You're telling me the only reason we have little kid clothes is for when we go out? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Or if it's cold. But if it's hot, why not just wear a diaper? We got air conditioning. We're in the house. I come home, you know? And it's not always. It isn't always at all. It's just that when I... It's actually whenever I see them in diapers, my instant reaction is, then put some clothes on. I see Jake running around in underwear. Drives... I am... Where's the velvet Elvis? It's liberating. You should probably just run around your house in shorts. I walk around in just shorts all the time. No shirt. You're a grown man. Well, okay. You're allowed. You're a grown man.
Kids get even more license. No, kids get less license. Kids get less license. They're a kid. They can't make their own decisions. Why do they need to be so formal? They get food all over their clothes. Is it air conditioning man? Is that the air conditioning man? Yeah, they're back here doing loud talk. Sweating. They're fixing the air conditioner now. It's day two. What is it made out of that it keeps breaking? Titanium. Styrofoam? Yeah. Balsa wood? Yeah, did they make it out of coconuts? What's the deal? I don't know. Wish I could interview. Hey, can I interview one of them? Unless you want your air conditioner fixed. I do. I want to ask him questions, though. You want to talk to Bill or JR or the air conditioning guy? Air conditioning guy. Can I talk to the air conditioning guy? He's on the phone right now. Oh. This is a real tough one. I would ask JR, but every time... This is a thing about radio. Whenever a DJ asks a question to an engineer...
It's the law. The engineer must reply with a joke. It is the law. He can't hear you right now. Let's send him in there and have a mask. Okay, cool. Send him in. Let's see. He didn't know what I said. J.R. I don't want to be in here. It's too hot. J.R., what's wrong with the air conditioner? It's broken. J.R., I just go like this. I go, I go, it's the law. If a DJ asks an engineer any question, it is the law. The engineer must respond with a joke. It has to be. It's the law. You forget that I used to sit in your seat a long time ago. That is true. Now I'm the guy with the wrenches and stuff. You're in the trenches. These guys, they know more than I forgot. No doubt. I played with Tinker Toys when I was a kid.
These guys can build anything. They can. Built this whole joint, man. They did. Do we know what's wrong with that thing? It feels fine in here right now to me. It's kind of juicy in here. It is juicy. Yeah, my pits are getting moist just talking to you. I don't think you're making me nervous either. I think it's just the weather. It's hot. It's hot in there. Do they know what the deal is with that thing? Well, it's a really... You can say complicated stuff. It'll be fine. That'd be interesting. It's a real expensive air conditioning unit. It is. They were explaining it to me yesterday that because of California, it takes this special blend of gases that they use. And it's kind of like a chemistry set to make it work. Uh-huh. And it has to be balanced just right. It's like mixing up stuff in a test tube. Oh. If they don't get it exactly right, it doesn't work exactly right. Wow. That is smarter. That stuff. Oh, man. Can you imagine me and you? Oh, my God. Trying to install it. I can't even imagine you guys climbing a ladder. We'd never be able to do it. I would run. We'd never be able to do it. You guys would make it hotter than when it started. 100%. We would leave the truck and just run. I'd be like, just go, dude. Just go. 100%. Fine, we're fired. Just run. Listen to this. My brother lives in Tucson. His air conditioner broke. No way. At his home. It's hotter than hell. Sorry, it's my pacemaker. It's my pacemaker. Stay messing with us. No, it's when I get very excited.
Are these your new sound effects? He's so excited. Jay's got new sound effects. It's the air conditioner. Morse code. It sounds like those underwear you wear that if you start to wet yourself, it goes off. Jay wears those. Yeah, Jay's got a pair. They're called Depends. It's an air conditioner. This sounds like fun. Yeah. There we go. I think they're fixing it now. I'm going to go outside where it's much cooler. Thank you. Love you, JR. JR's the best. Thank you. He likes the Hawaiian shirt like I like the V-neck. That's true. Every day, he's got a Hawaiian, I got a V. You guys rival each other with your Tommy Bahama shirt. I don't wear that. You and him. Don't wear Tommy Bahama. Do you guys share, like, does he come over and grab, like, four or five, and then do you go to his place and grab four or five, or how does that work? Or do you guys just buy the same stuff? Mike's a big Tommy Bahama fan. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. It's all you wear.
So you accessorize with it, too. Were you mad when Charlie Sheen kind of stole your bit on Two and a Half Men? Like, he started wearing the Tommy Bahama shirt. Were you like, great. Gosh. There's my bit. No, there's my bit. You know, if listeners don't believe me, you can go online and see all the pictures every day that we post of the live studio audience. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Well, you take the top shirt off because you get hot by the end. Well, our AC's broken, so. You have a towel. You have chairs. You have a comforter. Comforter, umbrella, several shirts, sweatshirt, a watch. A microphone. Flip flops. I wonder if you guys just guaranteed three to four photographs posted on my Facebook wall today. Yes. Of a lounge chair at Costco on sale that says Tommy Bahama on it. Man, Costco really screwed you. All weekend when I was at the beach, there was like... TB umbrellas, that navy blue TB chair with the red writing on it. I got two of them. You know the one. I got two of them. We had to go to the beach two weeks ago for an au pair meeting. Had to go? Yeah, we have to. When you get an au pair, you got to go once a year. And we went, and I'm not kidding you. I actually, I saw a Tommy Bahama chair, and I actually. You made love to it.
I actually squinted my eyes and kind of winced, like, gosh. Like, I see it now, and it makes me sick. Does it. I hate you. Sick with envy. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't wear it. I don't like it. You're probably just, like, seeing it because it's everywhere around you, so you think you see it, and you're squinting, like, is that chair really there, or am I just obsessed with TV? Or is it just my garage? Yeah. Let me just say, there's nothing wrong with Tommy Bahama. Oh. Obviously. You've made that clear. You've made that crystal clear. Very clear. Is this an ad lib for Tommy Bahama? Nothing wrong with it. It's not my thing. It's a definition of your thing. It's your only thing. Well. I don't wear it. I don't wear it. You don't not wear it. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Do you think that Jesus wore Tommy Bahama? That's why. That's why. Does your pastor wear it as much as you do?
Actually, yes. One of them does, yes. And that's why I say, nothing wrong with it. Fine. It's great. Larry, if you're listening, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just saying it's for a generation older than me. No, no, no. It's right up your alley. Which is why you went to that store and got that first taste. Listen, I remember the first time I had my first beer. All I knew is I wanted another one, okay? Like everything I've ever tried. If I tried something, I always went back for more. Much like yourself. There they come. Just saw my phone light up. Just sending texts. I'm sure there's a sale this weekend, right, Mike? Oh, Labor Day weekend. Oh, my God. Just like the Holy Grail. Oh, end of the season. They're making room for the fall line. It's your World Series this weekend, pal. Do they have a fall line or is it all tropical? It's just all summer, man. Yeah, all summer, all day. I implore you. To understand. You might have to pay us. I don't wear it. And I'll pay you to stop it. You want to pay us a lie? I don't want any more texts. I don't want any more stupid posts on my wall. I don't want any emails. I'll get emails from my freaking wife. Well, in her defense, she did just recently purchase a new Tommy Bahama comforter. Yes, a down comforter. That you are apparently enjoying a lot.
I have one shirt. And a comforter and a towel. A t-shirt. And a t-shirt. A chair, umbrella. I wore the shirt once to a luau. Once in Maui. Once! How stereotypical, Mike. Did you have to wear it to a luau the first time you bought it? The first time I bought it. And I bet you felt so sharp in that. It was like the first time I ever French kissed a girl. You want to know something? I have... Two bottles of cologne that are from Tommy Bahama. Yeah. And they smell good. Of course you do. Can't wear them. Can't wear them. And they smell good. And do you know why I can't wear them? Because somebody might say to me, ooh, what are you wearing? Easy to be. Ella B is bouncing up and down. Celebrating. Oh. Anyway. Fancy a pina colada or? Are you going to drink that or is it just going to sit there? Yeah, it's getting that kind of get that film on the top. Yeah, it's starting to get the counter wet. Maybe if I started to wear Tommy Bahama, it would stop. If I, if I, if I, yeah. Maybe if I'd say to my wife, go out today and get me four shirts. Go to town. Go to town. And I want, listen to me, babe. I want khakis. I want a white.
pair of khakis. I want a shirt that looks like I'm stepping onto a sailboat. I want brown loafers. Stop with the text. The one Sienna got you has like a tool on it or something. Do you know that Sienna was writing a song that was like wasted away. What was it? If you like Tommy Bahama. Oh no. Getting caught in the rain. I don't. Wearing shirts, ATV. If you're not into yogurt. And the biggest waste. Here's the biggest waste. People buying me Tommy Bahama things. It's the greatest. It's the biggest waste. But you love that towel. That towel you love. That towel in the blanket you snuggle up nice. All right. How do you like that comforter, by the way? It's fine. I didn't buy it. My wife bought it, and it's Tommy Bahama, which, by the way, I didn't know. And when I found out, thought it was, you know. You were mad. Yes. You were mad that you didn't pick it out first. Right. You didn't get to it. Four years now. Four years. You've got four more, pal. At least. It's going to be your legacy. You have a question for Woods and Woods of Wisdom? Call us now. 570-1949. It's guy stuff.
And ladies, if you have a question about guys, you can call and ask Woods. 570-1949. On FM 94.9. We should have bought rights to the word craftsmanship before it became so overused. Hire lawyers to protect it and keep it true. Like the true craftsmanship of the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. With an all-new world-class interior. best-in-class 4x4 capability, and a powerful new 290-horsepower V6. Legally, we may not own the word craftsmanship, but Grand Cherokee continues to own what it stands for. Take advantage of the best deals of the year now during the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram summer clearance event. Hurry. These offers absolutely end Labor Day.
Lease Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x2 for $2.99 a month for 39 months with $24.99 due at signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax, title, and license extra. Visit your SoCal Jeep dealer. Based on automotive news segmentation, call 1-888-925-Jeep for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residence here. Restrict in supply. No turn-in of current leases required. Take delivery by 9-6. Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. This is the sound of Jim's Chase Mortgage. This is the sound of Sean's Chase Mortgage. And this is the sound of Nancy's Chase Mortgage. That's because Chase checking customers can earn cash back on their mortgage. That's money to spend on whatever you want. A new lawnmower. A new grill for the backyard. Even some new golf clubs. Or maybe just lessons. Simply get a new Chase Mortgage or refinance your loan and sign up for automatic payments to start getting cash back. Up to $500 annually for the life of the program, which could add up to thousands over time. Stop into a branch today or go to chase.com slash mortgage cash back to learn more about our great rates and to find out how your mortgage can start paying you back.
Mortgage cash back. Only from Chase. Chase. What matters. All home lending products are subject to credit and property approval. A Chase personal checking account required with automatic mortgage payments. This program is not available in all states. Other restrictions and limitations may apply. JPMorgan Chase Bank N.A. Member FDIC. I'm here with my family at our favorite campsite for a little relaxation. But it looks like the whole city had the same idea. And what was supposed to be a weekend full of peace and quiet has quickly turned into a weekend full of who can yell the loudest over that guy's radio. Are that guy's cell phone? Are that lady's... What is that? A poodle? Or that girl's delicious Coca-Cola? Hey there. Would you like a Coke? Sure. Thanks. Now this is my kind of peace and quiet. Every precious moment of summertime should be enjoyed down to the very last drop. just like a refreshing Coca-Cola. So grab your friends and grab a 12-pack of Coke for just $4 for $11 at Ralph's, at the beach, the mall, the game, or whatever. When you're out enjoying all the fun that summer has to offer, stay refreshed with an ice-cold Coke. Coca-Cola, open happiness. Not Audi, not Lexus, not BMW. Only Infiniti is the winner of ALG's 2011 Luxury Brand Residual Value Award, a fact that may not sit too well with our competition, but should be quite attractive to you.
Because it means when you drive an Infiniti, you'll not only enjoy an unrivaled performance experience, you'll own the luxury brand projected to hold more of its value longer than any other in America. Come in now to the Infiniti Limited Engagement Summer Event to experience our full line of luxury performance vehicles. Our inventory selection is outstanding, so see your Infiniti retailer today for the year's best offers. Hurry, because summer is fleeting, and so is this event. Lease a 2011 Infinity G25 Journey for $319 per month for 39 months with $26.99 initial payment. Or get 1.9% APR on all 2011 models for well-qualified buyers. Tax, title, license, and options extra. Call 1-888-818-2668 for lease and disclaimer details. Offer ends 831-11. See retailer for details. The Ovation Nation phenomenon is growing by thousands of satisfied customers every week. If Ovation Cell Therapy didn't deliver on their guarantee of thicker, stronger, and longer hair growth, friends wouldn't be telling their friends how great Ovation is. And they do. Ovation is the best thing since sliced bread. I really like the results I've gotten. My hair is fuller and seems to grow much faster. I love Ovation. It's worked better than any other hair products I've tried. And I've tried a lot. Ovation is one of those products you want to tell all your friends about.
For thicker, stronger, longer, and healthier hair, simply log on to OvationHair.com. To learn how to stop the breakage from harsh chemicals and over-processing, restore dry, brittle, damaged hair, log on to OvationHair.com. Click on FM 94.9 at checkout for a special introductory discount. Try the new paraben, sulfate, and formaldehyde-free advanced ovation cell therapy system at OvationHair.com. And remember to select FM 94.9 at checkout for your special savings. Join the Ovation Nation at OvationHair.com. Badges aren't given, they're earned. Through strength, like the available 390-horsepower Hemi engine that gets up to 20 mpg highway. And through dedication. with a five-year, 100,000-mile powertrain warranty. Badges every Ram truck has worn for over 30 years. Drive home your own badge of honor today at the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram summer clearance event. But you better hurry. These deals absolutely end Labor Day. Get a low-mileage lease on Ram Quad Cab Bighorn 4x2 for $199 a month for 39 months with $37.28 due at signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax, title, and license extra. Stop by California's Truck Stop.
Your Ram dealer. Hurry. Offer ends soon. EPA estimated fuel economy 1500 4x2 Hemi V8. See dealer for copy of limited warranty. Call 877-RAM-5722 for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. 25 cent charge for each mile over 32,500 miles. Residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by 9-6. Hey, it's Mikey for Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Everyone thinks... shades when you hear that, but a lot of people don't think of the optical part. I'm talking about prescriptions with a lot of different frames to choose from and three easy locations. Sports Arena. It's right behind the Sports Arena. Just drive down Hancock, veer to the right, on to Kurtz. They're also in Kearney Mesa at the corner of Balboa and Convoy and also the La Jolla Village Square Shopping Center in La Jolla. It is the easiest place to get your stuff done as long as the sun keeps shining. Online at sunglassoptical.com. Hey, this is Jay with the Mikey Show. Join me this Thursday from noon to one at the Wave House in Mission Beach for the League of Most Interesting Challenges. Go head-to-head with me for a chance to win tickets to see Ben Harper at the Del Mar racetrack. Plus, you can register to win tickets to see Arctic Monkeys with TV on the radio, Thievery Corporation, The Kills, Portugal Demand, CDs, t-shirts, and more. All the info is at fm949sd.com. That's this Thursday, noon to one, the Wave House in Mission Beach, the League of Most Interesting Challenges.
I'm Jeanette. And George. We're fresh and easy neighborhood market customers. This message is by real customers, not celebrities. Saving money we pass on to you. We're Fresh and Easy all the way. You have great fresh products. You save money. I think the integrity of Fresh and Easy is absolutely wonderful because you have all the prepared stuff that doesn't have a whole lot of preservatives, so it just tastes a lot better. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. Thanks, Jeanette and George. Now everyone can save on our kid-friendly goodness products. Great for back to school. All goodness items contain no artificial flavors, colors, or preservatives. How do you turn groceries into free groceries? You get Albertson's new preferred rewards card. Just scan your car to check out every time you shop and earn reward points for free groceries. Ten points for every dollar you spend. It's easy. So get your Albertson's preferred rewards card today and make grocery shopping more rewarding. See store for details.
This report brought to you by Maritime Museum of San Diego Festival of Sail Labor Day weekend. It's the Port of San Diego Festival of Sail hosted by the Maritime Museum. Enjoy tall ships, cannon battles, pirates, kid zone, a whole lot more. Tickets at sdmaritime.org. Well, it looks like patchy fog still hanging around parts of San Diego this morning. On the 5 northbound after 8th Street, it is a sig alert. It's an accident. That right lane's blocked. This is a national city. You do have a backup to J Street. Also, Paula Temecula Road at Morro Road, that's closed. A serious fire that happened yesterday morning. Still a signal alert. Those two streets are closed in that area. And it looks like Brom Avenue westbound at Kenilworth Lane, an accident. Two-car crash. One car's going the wrong way in the westbound lane. This report also brought to you by Keep Your Home California. Having trouble paying your mortgage? Federal helps available through Keep Your Home California. Call 888-954-KEEP or visit KeepYourHomeCalifornia.org. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
24 finds me. Hey, next week, I think, buddy. Are they playing at Petco? No, I think the new album's out next week. Oh, is it really? I think so. Oh. If next week's the 7th. I think it might be. I think that might be right. At the end of the day. New switch photo. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I thought it was. 24. Oh. Guy's voice is going to make you want to cry. Yes. Immediately. Like, do you hear it? Do you think his wife just sits here? I was driving the other day and I was thinking to myself, I wonder what it's like to be John because he is very, very talented. He's in love with God and he's really handsome. He's a good looking dude. He's a good looking sharp guy. He's caring. Nice. Nice. People love him. What a date. And he rocks, man. And he can jam. And the music is good. Not a bad hand to be dealt. Yeah. Happy birthday, John Foreman. Feast. And his voice is just gorgeous, man. Can I just keep listening? Sure. For sure, pal. I just want to wash his hair when I see him. Not me. I wish I had that kind of hair. I want to run my fingers through it. Is that weird? Yeah. You know what kind of hair that is? That's the kind of hair that's been surfing a lot. Yep.
I just, I have this fantasy of, like, him walking in one time being like, why don't we just jam together? Just grab a guitar and we'll just jam. I do. I'm going to play. Why are you just right on my parade, L.O.B.? I just want to play. I'm allowed to laugh. I just want to play one song with him. Was that too much to ask? Because you macromade yourself a pair of jean shorts. I got a fantasy about him taking. Hey, you're in a men's locker room shower, you know? Of course. And my fantasy is they play a concert, right? 100%. Oh, in the gym? In the nude. What's filthy, Matt? You finished your shower 20 minutes ago. Put your underwear on. It's natural. Get your rock deodorant, rub it under your arms, and get the hell out of here. It ain't a rock. It's a crystal. You're crystal? You're dry by now. I'm just standing here. Because it's warm.
And it feels nice. What's Lauren doing in the shower with us? What am I not doing? Whoa. Y'all want to get naked? You mean anyone? Disgusting. Am I disgusting? You mean gorgeous? Yes. Very. Salt and pepper. I'm going to throw up. So Chick-fil-A says they're going to give away free breakfast entrees Labor Day week. Yeah. How about that? Pretty cool, right? And you know what? So we had the Hurricane Irene came through. Stocks are up. What's up with that? America rallies, man. It's what we do. Dow Jones, 1.9% up. NASDAQ, 2.7% up. S&P, 2.3% up. Woods could care less, but that's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's cool, man. Hey, Jobs retires over at Apple. Stock goes up. Weird.
It's really weird. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? I've got to tell you about something that the Chargers are doing that's really cool. But first, I wanted to tell you that sports is sponsored today by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Yeah, they are doing something really cool. By they, I mean the Chargers. They are hosting a practice session, Jay, and autograph signing at Miramar Marine Corps Air Station. It starts at 945 till noon. It's open to all Marines, sailors, and their families. Go out, get some autographs, and make it right. Woods of Wisdom coming up in a minute. M1, Luis from Poway has a bone to pick. Oh, boy. Are you there, Luis? Yeah, I'm here. What is your bone that you would like to pick? Listen, man, I got to tell you, Mikey, I've been listening to you for a while. And I got to say, I'm kind of getting sick about how you just keep making fun of Mexicans, man. But I'm Mexican. Yeah, so am I. And that's what surprises me. What do you mean? You just keep stereotyping us. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Luis, hang on a minute. If you say stereotyping and you say like, okay, like Mexicans like to eat burritos, guess what I have at 9 o'clock to my left? A burrito. You know what's in it? Chorizo. I like burritos, pal. I like enchiladas. I got a lot of people living in my house. I fulfilled the stereotype. I'm sorry.
But that's what I'm talking about, man. We should be trying to kind of pass that stuff. We work so hard not to be those stereotypes. Why do we have to keep promoting them amongst ourselves? Well, here's my thought, Luis. My thought with it is, you know, I don't do it with hatred. It's fun. I do it to be funny. And I thought I was allowed because I'm Mexican. Don't you ever make any jokes? Not like that. We should be doing stuff that kind of pushes forward, you know? We shouldn't be. keep making the same tired jokes. Those are the jokes that everybody else makes about us. Like what? Why should we be the ones pushing those forward? I don't want to hurt anybody. It's fun. It's like you can take anything too serious. I know, but I don't want to do it if it's going to hurt people. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like me making jokes about not being married. I mean, it's a fact. It's like me making jokes about not having a kid, you know? Fact.
Which is self-deprecation. So you're saying that that makes us, everybody, uncomfortable. When I say... No, no, no. It doesn't make us uncomfortable. No, not at all. It makes me laugh. I know, but when Woods talks about not having a child, it does make us uncomfortable. Yeah, that's true. That is true. Because it's sad. It's sad. It's very sad. It's not sad that you're Mexican. No. Right. He's proud to be a Mexican. We're celebrating. But I don't want to do it if it's going to hurt people. Come on. No. We're celebrating it. We like it. Feliz Navidad. It's just the fact that, you know, like, yeah, you don't have a kid, but you can hide the fact that you don't have a kid. We can't hide the fact that we're Mexican. Right, but you shouldn't hide it. I'm a chubby guy, and I can make fun of chubby people because I'm chubby. Why would you hide it? You should be proud of it. He is proud. That's what I'm saying. I'm talking to Luis. Yeah, Luis, if you're proud of being Mexican, that's cool. My dad is very proud of his marriage. Well done. We should. We should be extremely proud. You can be proud of something and still poke fun at it. I'm not going to do it, though, if it's going to hurt. Mikey, come on. I'm not going to do it if it hurts people. I'm not going to do it. Should you pretend like you don't like burritos? Right. No, but if it's going to hurt people, if I make a joke about myself as a Mexican, I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt. Does it hurt you, Luis? Well, I'm just saying, you know, we should just be educating ourselves on this stuff. Perfect example. Did you know that burritos...
aren't even Mexican. Burritos were invented here in America. And all of a sudden they're associated with us. Okay, but what is that? What about chorizo? What does that have to do with it? Para de enchiladas. Tortillas. No, I mean, all this stuff is the stuff that we should be pushing forward. You know, this is the stuff that we should be, we should be talking about other stuff or making new, brand new, clever jokes instead of bringing out the same old tired crap that people keep pushing in our face. What if he's right? He's not right. He's not right. Should Mikey change his ringtone? I don't have a Mexican ringtone. Yes, you do. Here, I'll call you. Hold on, yeah, call him real quick. Yeah, I'll call you. See? Jay just started playing that. Oh, my God. Jay started playing that. Luis, stop. Luis, you can't take yourself so seriously, man. We can make Polish jokes about me. I'm not saying I can't laugh at myself. All I'm saying is, like, we just keep doing the same old tire stuff. I was just listening to that sexier Mexican thing you were doing before, and it's just kind of like, come on. Was it sexy or not? It was sexy. I'm not doing it anymore. Come on! You're a giant clown. You are. You're a giant clown. Since when do other people run the content of this show? Yeah, there's always naysayers, no matter what you do. You can't make everybody happy. Luis, it's all in good fun, man. It is. Don't you like George Lopez? Well, I mean, like, when he was...
Yeah, I mean, I love George Lopez. Don't get me wrong. Of course you do. Like, George Lopez is funny. But it's a thing of, like, you know, you don't know who's listening. What if there's, like, some younger kids that are listening? And then they say... Oh, now he's getting me! No! Shut up, hang on! Luis! Luis, you know! Just love us! We're losing your signal, Luis. You're cutting out. You're cutting out. Now I'm feeling like, you know, I have a position in the community and he's doing a thing. And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. But you don't even speak Spanish. Yeah. Mikey's not going to be the flag waver. You know what I mean? He's a comedian. When I grew up, I'm going to marry a white woman. I did. You did. I did, actually. You're like the George Lopez of radio. Yeah. Your Mexicanness is what defines you. Let me ask you, Luis, isn't it okay for me to embrace being Mexican? totally embrace it. Okay. You should totally embrace it. I have. No, I think that's great. I have. I'm just saying... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Every phone line is lit up. M1 Chi from Fallbrook. Hey, Mike. Hi. Luis probably lives in Lakeside and he probably wants to be a white chicken. You do what you do. A white chicken. He lives in Poway. Dude, seriously? It's ridiculous. Fritos are what define us.
We're invented. It does not matter. Wait a minute. In defense to cheat, burritos are what define us. Isolate! Yeah. Burritos are what define us. Seriously. They were created for us to enjoy. They're delicious. I enjoy them. I love them. Seriously. I don't know what this guy's problem is. It's like you're going to have Asians calling because they're bad drivers? Who cares? By the way, all cards and letters to be made to chi at gmail.com. Mikey's show does not endorse all statements. Some of us do. Thank you for that statement. All right. Thank you very much, Chi. Oh, boy. Appreciate it. M1, Jennifer from San Diego. I'm a mom of two kids and a single mom. I drive to work every single morning listening to the Mikey show. When something comes on that I don't want my kids to hear or that I don't want to hear, I just change the channel. So I'm inviting Luis to just change the channel. Because you know what? It's your platform, Mikey. Unless you're a Nielsen family. Yes. I'm sorry? Unless he's a Nielsen family. Just kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke. I just think that it's your platform. And there are occasions where the jokes become too sexual for Mikey.
It's true. I mean, I have young boys, and I just feel like sometimes it's too much. But you know what? That's when we flip it. Please be quiet. We're not going to be allowed to do anything anymore. Please. No, but the thing is, I flip it. I flip it right back. I love you. That's right. We love you. So, thank you. Thank you. Love you guys. Love you. M1. Send us a picture. M1 Chris from San Diego. M1 Chris. Chris. Crap. Crap. Crap. We hate you. Whoa, Chris. L1 Cone from San Diego. Hey, what's going on, Mikey, guys? I just got to say, I think Luis is kind of blowing it out of proportion. I'm white, and I bust out white jokes all the time. Preach for the sky, honky. I have Asian friends, I have Mexican friends, and they give me a hard time all the time about how early we eat dinner and about how I can't jump. and I can't dance and all ridiculous stuff like that. And it's fun. I mean, you know, if you can't poke fun of yourself, then, I mean, really, what's the matter with you? You've got to be able to, you know, you've got to be able to poke fun of yourself and your friends. In an overly PC world, I think it's refreshing. The white man is the devil. Say what up, black people. Thank you. Let's see. M1 Eddie from Chula Vista. Hello, guys. Hello.
Just want to say I love what you're doing and to Luis Tranquilo way. I think that means settle down. It does? Yes. Hey, where are the white women at? I think that what you guys do, you kind of own. By making fun of it, you own it. That's right. You minimalize it. Well, that's not what Luis thinks. Wrong, sir. Wrong. Luis thinks that it's one guy, Mike. I'd be loving me some black women. But, I mean, I look forward to. The fun that you guys make. And I'm looking forward to Mexican spaghetti. When are you doing that? Dude, I want to do it so bad. We need to. Good idea. I want to do it so bad. What are you talking about, Willis? I'm one screenwriter from Point Loma. You know, Mikey, some people don't like it when you talk about your testimony on Friday. That's when you're going to stop. Yeah, you're not going to stop doing that, are you? Are you, Pat Robertson? Hey, Jimmy Swagger, you ain't going to stop that, are you? Billy Graham, you ain't going to do that, are you? That's right.
People will always have something to be mad about. They get mad at me every day for something. I don't know what we're yelling about! I want to know if this guy's hurt, sad, or afraid. Really, what's the issue with him? Luis, are you still there? Yeah, I'm still here. What do you think? Are you hurt, sad, or fearful about what I say? I'm not any of those things. I just think you're a pillar of the community. He's kidding. He's killing me with that. Luis, are you still there? He's killing me with that when he says that. You've got to be with the radio on. Oh. You've got to turn your radio down, Luis. You're not really a pillar, though. More of a post. Yeah, you've got to be taller. Well, I mean, you're like on billboards and posters and we see your face all over town. Obviously, people are seeing you.
As an example for the rest of us. I'm never making a Mexican joke again. Yes, you are. I'm never making a Mexican joke again. You make one and you make it right now. Right now. I like burritos. That's not a joke. That's true. I can't stop eating. Shut up. You are making Mexican jokes. Yeah, you are. All right. Well, thank you for calling. Really? I don't want to be all politically correct because that's never who I am, but I also don't want to, you know. It means a lot to me to be something in the community. It means a lot to me. When you're driving home today and you're a lowrider, just think about that. You're going to be fine, don't you? Do you have a chain steering wheel in your car? Thank you, Luis, for letting my soul leave my body. Thank you. M1 Dano from San Diego. Take it out on the piñata if you want, Mike. How you doing, Mikey? You know, there's one thing that drives me crazy is this. We have lost the ability in this culture in many ways to laugh at ourselves. And that's your job. You make us laugh at ourselves. Any comedian makes us laugh at ourselves. Thank you, man. I'm proud of being this color, this skin. I'm proud of being black. I'm a white boy. What am I, a cracker? And see, that's the thing. I feel like...
At some point, I'm just going to be apologizing for everything. Excuse my French, everybody in America. I'm going to be everything I do. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You can't. You can't. How do you have fun? I've got my buddy, Eric Terman. He's peanut. He calls himself my OBW, my only, or OBF, my only black friend. And he and I, he will make white jokes to me, and I'll make jokes right back to him. And it makes other people uncomfortable, but we're fine with it. I think it's funny. You know, listen, I guess it depends on the, you know, how you grew up and everything. Like he was coming to my birthday party. I told him to bring a bottle of cognac. Well, if it makes everybody else uncomfortable, maybe that wasn't the best example. But, you know. Yeah, especially if it makes everybody else uncomfortable. Well, you have to know our dynamic, mine and peanuts. He's my OBF. I'd be loving me some black women. Love me some black women. Man, the black folk love me. I love black folk because I'm black. Well, he married a white woman, so he's obviously open to all races. That's true. Black girls all the time. I love all parts of you. She's just making me haunted. Luis. Mikey, come on, dude. I want to eat some of them chitlins. I love pigs, dude. M1A from San Diego. Hey, Mikey, whatever you do, don't stop what you're doing, man. I'm 100% Mexican. I'm a gang. Seriously, come, dude. Yeah. Thank you.
Thank you. M1 Sticky Fingers from San Diego. Yeah, I was just calling to say, basically, I don't think there's any comedy that's really not making fun of someone or something. So, basically, if you're just going to stop making fun of Mixon, someone else is going to call and complain about something else, and you might as well just not even be making jokes, because someone's going to offend it. If he doesn't like it, you know, change the channel. I agree with that. You're not actually making fun. You're poking fun at yourself. It's true. Mexican Americans don't like to just get into gang fights. No, they don't. They like flowers and music. And white girls can make me too. M1 Herald. And tacos and burritos. It's not really the time or place, Mike. Mikey, come on. You already have one. She's serious. Yeah, there's a burrito right there. Oh, that guy L.O.B. That guy is so good. M1 Harold from San Marcos is actually on Luis's side. What? Oh, Harold. Punch yourself in the face. Let me explain myself. No. I, like Mikey, am a Tommy Bahama wearer, and we need to embrace, you know, things about us.
And, you know, when you guys joke about it, it really hurts my feelings. He's doing a bit. He's doing a bit. Hang up on this clown. You're a clown. Come on, over the top. You're a clown. He had me. M1 Jose from Claremont. Hey, how's it going? Good. I think what's going on here is Luis's was me and my friends like to call a coconut. Yeah, that's Mikey. That's Mikey. Brown on the outside. White on the inside. That's Mikey. 100. He lives like in La Jolla or Del Mar, Encinitas. Thank you. Getting buttered. Nothing wrong with Encinitas. Oh, that's funny. I mean, you know. Hey, dude. Oh, hey. Little Juan. Little Juan. Why do you say my name like that, dude? Like what? Little Juan. Little Juan. Isn't that your name? How come you don't like me, bro? Because you're a clown.
You hate me and despise me. You wish I was not ever here. Well, you and Michael Jackson, but that's okay. Why, dude? Just because I represent something from Mikey's past doesn't mean you have to be jealous, bro. No, I'm not jealous. He'll still love you. Will he? Yeah, dude. Hey, what about B-Rob? Would you rather have B-Rob here? No, if he did, then B-Rob would be here and he's not. But only because he decided to stay with the old crew. Only because. Contractually, he has to be with someone else. Other than Mike. Other than Uncle Mike, dude. Anyone but Mike. Well, little Juan, what are you doing? What's your beef? My beef is with you, dude. With me? Say carne. Yeah, what's your carne? K-S-L carne. Ha, ha, ha, dude. You're so funny. You got to laugh. Good one, little Juan. Really, dude? You want to get into it with me? Yeah, you got to scrap. Let's go. You want to mix it up verbally? Let's go. Mix it up. I'll take you. Like the Yankees versus the Red Sox, bro. That's right. We got the hardware. They don't. I don't really have a comeback for that one. Neither do they. Today is a new day. Say that. Today's a new day, dude. Is it? I got.
I got a comeback. The reader. He's betting four. Holy cow. Holy cow. Holy cow. Wait till I tell you who Gaddafi had a scrapbook of. Because he was into her. Like, into her. Now's our chance. Let's do it. More from The Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. This is the FM.
Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Friday night's Butthole Surfers show is now at Brick by Brick. Next Friday, go see Fitz and the Tantrums at the Del Mar Racetrack for a 4 o'clock Friday. Next Sunday, September 4th, the Great American Showcase downtown at El Dorado Cocktail Lounge. It starts at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The soft pack, the nervous records, the howls, the creepy creeps. It's going to be so much fun. We've got two nights of Thievery Corporation at House of Blues September 7th and 8th. Also September 8th at the Casbah, Telekinesis will play for the SD Music Thing kickoff party. And an about-the-music show with Givers happens at the Casbah September 11th. Still to come this summer, The Kills, TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys, Bush, Portugal the Man, Peter Bjorn and John. An about-the-music show with The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, also Ryan Adams, Foo Fighters, Boxing Rebellion and Black Joe Louis. and the honeybears. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Summer is a time to kick back and relax. Unless you're an engineer for Mercedes-Benz. For them, there is no R&R, only R&D. And they've been engineering their vehicles the same tireless way for 125 summers.
It's a dedication to craftsmanship you can feel behind the wheel of the 2011 E-Class sedan, a vehicle so advanced it can alert you when veering from your lane or even when driving drowsy. For one month only, come to the Mercedes-Benz Summer Event and lease the exceptionally engineered E350 Sport Sedan, an IIHS Top Safety Pick, for just $589 a month for 33 months with $4,684 due at signing. So hurry in before the event ends August 31st. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through August 31, 2011. Equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, Hoenn Motors in Carlsbad, and Mercedes-Benz at Escondido. There are some things in life you may never fully understand, like what your dog actually does all day when you're not at home, or what whales do when they get thirsty. or what the guy in front of you was thinking when he decided he absolutely needed to be in your lane. But thanks to My Money Map, your finances are something you'll be able to wrap your head around. When you're ready to unravel the mysteries of your finances, at Wells Fargo, we're with you. With our free online tool, My Money Map, you can automatically track deposits and spending, set savings goals, and track your progress over time. My Money Map lets you see how much you're spending on things like groceries versus eating out, and how you're coming along with your budgeting plan.
By helping you get a better handle on your finances, My Money Map prepares you for whatever may be around the corner. So learn to embrace life's other mysteries and call, click, or stop by Wells Fargo today to learn more about how My Money Map can help you understand your financial picture. Wells Fargo. Together we'll go far. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. I'm at an outdoor concert, and I'm stuck on blanket duty. Are those seats taken? Oh, yeah, someone's sitting there. I'm waiting for my friends to bring me back a Coke from concessions. Hey, can we sit here? Sorry, occupied. Anyway, it's really hot, and I'm really thirsty, and it's kind of hard work fending off all these people. Hey, is this seat taken? Sorry. Oh, you've got a Coke. Well, pull up some blanket. Let's crack that open. Uh, could I sit down? I've got a Coke, too. Yes, and yes. Sit down. Hey, we're back with the Coco... Um, who are these people on our blanket? Uh, they had Coke. Figured we could squish? Every precious moment of summertime should be enjoyed down to the very last drop, just like a refreshing Coca-Cola. So grab your friends and grab a 12-pack of Coke for just $4 for $11 at Ralph's, at the beach, the mall, the game, or whatever. When you're out enjoying all the fun that summer has to offer, stay refreshed with an ice-cold Coke. Coca-Cola. Open happiness. Badges aren't given. They're earned.
Through strength, like the available 390-horsepower Hemi engine that gets up to 20 mpg highway, and through dedication with a 5-year, 100,000-mile powertrain warranty. Badges every Ram truck has worn for over 30 years. Drive home your own badge of honor today at the Chrysler Jeep Dodge and Ram Summer Clearance Event. But you better hurry. These deals absolutely end Labor Day. Get a low-mileage lease on Ram Quad Cab Bighorn 4x2 for $199 a month for 39 months with $37.28 due at signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax, title, and license extra. Stop by California's Truck Stop. Your Ram dealer. Hurry. Offer ends soon. EPA estimated fuel economy 1500 4x2 Hemi V8. See dealer for copy of limited warranty. Call 877-RAM-5722 for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. 25 cent charge for each mile over 32,500 miles. Residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by 9-6. Where the turf meets the surf. It's September 4th. It's a free concert with the legendary Ben Harper.
And the suds will be flowing once again at our last beer fest of the season. It's all free with racetrack admission or $20 after the last race. Check out Ben Harper this Sunday, September 4th. Presented by Heineken. An 18 and up concert. Where the turf meets the surf at Del Mar. At Del Mar. Where the turf meets the surf at Del Mar. Del Mar. Cool as ever. Nissan's bottom line sales event has been extended. Through September 5th, get an extra $500 holiday bonus cash on popular models. Lease Altima $179 plus bonus cash. With a better availability of vehicles than Honda or Toyota, you save. Get bottom line prices on our top of the line vehicles. Now, lease Altima $179 plus $500 holiday bonus cash. Visit ChooseNissan.com. Test drive at your local Nissan dealer. More cars. Bonus cash. More savings. That's the bottom line. Hurry in today. Bonus cash and September 5th. Bonus cash on Altima Maximo Rove Murano. $29.99 initial payment 24 months on 2012 Altima. Excludes tax, title, license, non-refundable $5.95 acquisition fee. Call 1-888-858-8319 for inventory and offer details. Bonus cash ballot 830-95. Other offers at 930-11.
Go to a Burger King and try a delicious croissant sandwich paired with a Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant with scrambled eggs and melted American cheese with your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. New Toyota vehicles are arriving daily, and so are the great deals during Toyota's Labor Day sales event. Now save thousands with 0% financing on a new 2011 Camry, America's best-selling car. Get zero APR when you drive off in a new Corolla, Avalon, or Sienna. There's even 0% financing on a new 2011 Venza, Highlander, or Tundra. So see your San Diego County Toyota dealer. We've got late! Toyota's Labor Day sales event ends soon. Save thousands with 0% financing on seven popular models. Camry sales claim based on MotorIntelligence.com CY 2010 sales. Excludes hybrid models. Limited term financing through Toyota Financial Services to qualify Tier 1 plus through Tier 3 credit customers only. Vehicles must be purchased from 2011 new car dealer stock by midnight 9-6-11. This report is brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Better service, lower rates, dependable coverage for your auto, home, or your condo. Call 877-Wawanisa or go to WawanisaUS.com. Great shopping. It can pay off.
Well, phew, what a morning here with Sigalerts. One is still working. Actually, they're both still working, but the accident's cleared in National City anyway. The 5 northbound after 8th Street, they cleared that accident. But you have a backup to J Street, so the Sig Alert is still in effect. Paula Temecula Road at Morrow Road, that fire's still going on. And as a result, the Sig Alert's still in effect. They've got about 60% contained, so making some progress this morning. And it looks like the 8 eastbound ramp to College Avenue, there's something in the number two lane of that off-ramp. This report brought to you by SDG&E. If you plan to do any digging, be safe. Call Dig Alert at 811, at least two days working days before you dig. For energy safety tips, visit sdge.com slash safety. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
Voice ability. You know. Moammar Gaddafi had a thing for Condoleezza Rice. Weird. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. So, apparently, Gaddafi, they, you know, they raided his compound? Yeah. They found a bunch of photo albums with pictures of her in it. He was quoted as saying at one time, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I love her so much. Darling black African woman is what he said. When she visited in 2008, that's what he said to her. And when she walked in, this is true. I'm not making this up. He put his hand against his heart in greeting. I mean, she really, she got him. Maybe there is love at first sight because she got him. Just goes to show there's someone for everyone.
That's right. The rebels were going through his compound and they were just unearthing photo album of Condi Rice. So strange. Condi Rice, she's not the most happenin' sexy chick. She's about as sexy as Hillary Clinton. I bet publicly she was like, that's disgusting. And then secretly she was like... I said to my wife, I go, isn't it kind of flattering when somebody's like that into you? Kind of, right? I wouldn't know. He's still on the run, so it's a little scary. Well, he's not a doctor. I think that if I was Condoleezza Rice, just like LB said publicly, I'd be like, oh, that's really terrible. And I'd be like, I still got it. I still got it. Gosh, I wonder if a girl's ever been that crazy about me.
Probably not. No. Shut up. Hmm. No. No. But girls aren't like that with guys where they keep photo albums unless it's like a pop star like Justin Bieber. Right. Justin Bieber. They don't do that with regular guys. Usually they don't do that with a regular guy. Call for Woods of Wisdom. 570-194. So, Woods is our guy's guy. He takes... calls and emails about guys, guys stuff. First, this is M1 Alex. Oh, gosh, I just hung up on him. Oh, no. Alex, please call back. So, yeah, can you hand me that, LLB? You can write us or you can call us. I printed this email out. Oh, my God.
And the font is the size of a pinhead. Each letter. Size one. I'll give Jay $25 if he can read any of that. He's coming in here. That's a year's worth of grocers. Can you read that, Jay? Wow. Woodsy. My roommate. Don't worry, I got it. M1 Alex from Chula Vista, what was the word of the day? Hilarious. Oh, my God. Congratulations. You are going to see the Chargers and the Niners. Thank you. Hang on, okay? All right, so here we go. Woodsy. Yes? My roommate has an ex-girlfriend whom he thinks is crazy. He complains about her when she's mentioned and wants nothing to do with her, so he says. But if I show the slightest bit of interest or even mention her name, it seems that he gets jealous and protective. I think she's a doll and seems very sweet and she's gorgeous. Should I worry what my roommate thinks or say screw it and ask her out? Is there a guy code that I need to take into consideration? Yes, that's 101. You don't sniff around. You don't. You want to know? You just don't do it.
I think he knows that otherwise. Why would even... Why would you ask? You know damn well you're not supposed to. You know what you're doing is creepy. You know damn well you're not supposed to. But what if it's a perfectly good girl going to waste? Well, see, somebody else will get her. You know, we've all passed some up, L.O.B., because of the code. You have to. You got to do it. You're a dirtbag. Yeah. Don't be a dirtbag. He can talk all the smack he wants, you know, everything, but you don't sniff another man's garbage, okay? Mm-hmm. Not that she's garbage, but you know what I'm saying. Strong language. Does that make sense? Hey, Woods. Yes. My girl thinks she's a singing sensation. Oh, wow. She did choir one semester for some church thing, and now she thinks she's an expert voice trainer. She sings everything, and I'm dead serious. I want to stab my ears when I hear her. She ruins songs for me. I'll laugh at her in sort of a, like, that sounds horrible kind of way. But she always takes it the wrong way. How do I get her to stop? You don't. Just let her sing, right? You have to, dude. You've got to make sacrifices for those that you love. Listen, my beautiful wife, Jamie, can't tell a story to save her life. And she's listening right now, and I'm going to get killed for it. And I do make fun of her. You do the opposite of what you're saying. You don't leave it alone. But we're married. You say to her, and I've been in the car when you've said it, you go.
Easy, John Grisham. She can't get it out. She can't tell the story. So what you do is you make fun of her. Right. So is that what you want this guy to do? Marry her, then make fun of her. When you're married, you can do whatever you want. How about you get a character to come in the car as a third wheel that's one of those jokey, jokey kind of people. Like a Kramer or something. And they say, like, easy, Celine Dion. That's a good idea. I just say, you know, until you marry her, you're going to have to put up with her a bit. You can't tell her. Hey, you're terrible. You can't. It is honest. It's being honest. But you can't tell her that. You don't want to hurt her. M1 Riff Raff from Lakeside. Yes. My question for Woods was when certain guys sit down when they pee and certain guys stand up, I was wondering what he thought the difference was on that. I do. I do, too. I sit down. But here's the deal. If I can, I do. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. If there's a urinal available here in the building, I will occasion it. But I'm all woman. No, it doesn't make you a woman. It doesn't make you a woman at all. If it's three in the morning and I just got up.
Tired. I'm tired, man. I just want to sit and do my business. Yeah. You're exerting extra effort to squat down. No, I'm not. It feels real good. It's so comfortable. It feels good. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Not at all. It does. I think it does. It doesn't. It absolutely does not. I think it does. No, it doesn't. You're all a woman. This is woods of wisdom. Thanks for the call. When we went to go get our pictures taken, we went to these people's house, and this dude had a urinal in his house. It was the coolest thing. He did? Dude. I want one so bad. Why? You sit down and you pee. I wouldn't if I had a urinal. If I had a urinal. That's the weirdest thing. L-O-B, I am telling you, I would not if I had a urinal. It was by far the coolest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Ever. That's rad. And every guy listening right now that just heard that is like, oh, how rad would it be to have a urinal at your house? Can you break down for me why? Because it's so different, and it's cool, and you have a urinal at your house, and there's no aim. You like the smell of it? You like urinal cakes? Yeah, urinal cakes smell good. Hey, man, there was nothing. There was no smell at all. But L-O-B, there's no aiming. You just whoop. Yep. And it's just right there, man. And it's like going in your yard, but you're not in your yard. I don't sit down when there's a urinal. Yeah, I don't either. I only sit down when there's not a urinal. So that you don't have to aim.
Yeah, I don't like aiming. No, no, no. That's not why, L.O.B. It's because of the ease of it. Feels good. It's easy. Seems like it'd be awkward. It's easier to do. And it only seems awkward to you because you don't have a pointer. I guess so. That's right. If I had a pointer, I'd point it everywhere. I would not let it just hang. The moment of silence for... I'll get it. That's Rick, our general manager. Just wondering why we're allowing just L.O.B. to just... Do her act right here in the studio. Just do Dee Jones. Be a filthy Lauren Stern. You brought it up. Howard O'Brien. Howard O'Brien, real good. Easy, man, Kyle. M1 Sticky Fingers from San Diego. Yeah, I wanted to ask, at what age are you too old to take a shower as a man? Is there any age for that? A shower? You mean a bath? Take a bath. All right, this is tough, dude. This is a tough one. Now, took a bath last week.
I will tell you, in the last probably five years, I've taken probably three baths. And I felt like a homosexual every time I did it. Me too. I just did. I did too. I did. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have admitted it. A gay man. A gay man. I wouldn't have admitted it. I'm not allowed to say that anymore. I wouldn't have admitted it. But it just came out. Why is it? But it is. It feels good. It feels very feminine. And I did it after like a baseball game. And I just wanted to soak. It feels good. It feels so good. But I think the correct answer is eight years old. I think that's the correct answer. Or get a lady in there with you. Or if your lady friend's in there, that can be a lot of fun. Let me tell you a true story, Sticky Fingers. Okay. I was feeling, you know, depressed. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Because sometimes depression's funny. And so I decided, and I was cold. I was cold, and I wanted to take a bath. When? When was this? Last week. What day? Thursday. I don't remember. Don't you? I don't remember. What kind of music did you put on? Vertical Horizon. Oh. Oh, it gets worse. Bath salts. Eye mask. Bath salts. 100.
And an eye mask? No. Candles. Just the salts. Candles. Nope. People from SeaWorld show up. Why would that be? What do you do with that? What do you do with that? What do you do with that? Gotta get him back in the tank, fellas. What do you do? I wish I could curse. Man is depressed. I mean, man is depressed. I come out here and rough talk him and run him off. It would have made more sense if you said you went swimming in the ocean. Right. So that people would have seen you. But in the comfort of your home, I don't know how anyone would tip off. Sea World. Tip off Sea World, people. Yep. Holy crap. That was genius. Oh, I know. That was genius. That's the way I see it. Can I tell you? Yeah. I was angry. No, no, no. At me, probably. I was sad. At me. No. I was sad.
Because the last time I took a bath, there was this stuff that made bubbles. Oh, no. Ice beaver. This time there were no bubbles. You're really gay. There's nothing really you have to say about that. No bubbles. Just the salt. Babe. Babe. Almost. I was that close, but I thought, first of all, I don't want her to know I'm taking a bath. I don't even want her to know. I hope she doesn't walk in here. Because I'm in here in water nude. Just clear water. Just clear water. No, there was salt. Purple salt. Say it. It's lavender. Lavender salt. You can say it. It's lavender salt. There goes L-O-V. Lavender bath salt. It's very soothing. I may or may not have a lavender eye mask. I may or may not. It's very soothing.
Oh, somebody's got a frowny face. Purple. So mad that there's not bubbles. I was like, yeah, I guess I'll just take a freaking bath. Just a clear bath. When you put the salt in, you thought they were going to bubble up. No, I didn't. I knew. Oh, he knows. I know what was up because when I was sick last time, Rebecca did this all for me. She threw an handful of those salts. She had the bubbles. And you didn't want the bubbles. No, dude, I loved them, and I wanted them this time. I couldn't find them. Use some shampoo. Not that I would know. I thought about it. Run it under the faucet. Not that I would know. It works a little bit. I thought about it. Just laying there. Did I just tell too much? Just laying there, soaking it in. Purple, foggy water. Yeah, just cloudy, lukewarm water.
Have you seen my wiener? Yeah. Well, it's right there. Crystal clear. Plain view. Just sitting there listening to Vertical. I had my iPad and it's got this app that'll start the music over. So I'd play the same song and then I had a towel there. I'd dry my hands and start it again. Oh, my. What song? The Lonely Miracle. Even now. Even now. I sat in my bathroom. Nude. Clear water. Because no freaking bubbles. Listen to this song. Bubbles? Bubbles? Just sad. Sitting there in depression. Say, ooh, that whole thing. Put it on the big one. Well, it's because you have big jugs. It's funny because he's fat. Chase on a roll.
Oh, Jay. Jay said three words today. Everything else has been insulting drops. He's going to go home and be like, Kim, today, Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame day. Look at this. I brought myself on my back. Hall of Fame day with that guy. Damn, that broke my arm. Oh, I've heard this song no less than a hundred times. You got to stop. You got to stop. I can't. You have to stop. And you guys know me. I don't listen to sad music when I'm down. I'm okay. I don't. And that's all I'm doing. You can't, though. But you told me that that's what you're supposed to do. That's what I do. It works for me. It helps me get it out. But I'm desiring it. I'm desiring it. Don't desire it. You're like a girl going through a breakup. You're like a girl on her period. You monster. I am like, it is like going through a breakup. I'm angry at the chick. I miss the chick. I'm perfect. It isn't the show, you douche. It's the friendship. Do you think it's not that, dude? It isn't. Woods. Woods. I'm telling you, it isn't the show. I promise you, it's not. It's knowing. Really? You really think that, I bet. Well, it's the show minus Costa, because you didn't really have a big relationship with him. Old Mikey. Right.
I hate it. I'm going. You got to stop listening to stuff. You can't do it. I'm going to play at Costco today. On FM 94.9. Stevie. Janet, what are you doing here? I've been thinking about what you asked. And yes, I'll marry you. Are you kidding? That was like 15 years ago. Oh, I know. I just had to be sure you were the one. Great opportunities. Don't wait forever. Like the Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, where you'll find exceptional values on the most popular Lexus models, but only for a limited time. Sorry, Janet, I've got to go. But what about our wedding? Well, you might want to ask my wife of seven years about that. The Lexus Golden Opportunity Sales Event, now through September 6th. Least the 2011 RX 350 for $4.59 a month for 36 months, with $34.99 due its signing. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego.
Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease program limitations and offer details on the 2011 RX350. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. No security deposit required. Offer valid on the Lexus Western areas only and end September 6th, 2011. This is Matthew showing his bank smartphone app to a friend. I can see my balances and a map of my banks close by. This is Patrick showing Chase's mobile app to a friend. I can check my balances, find a Chase branch close by, transfer funds, deposit a check using my smartphone. Matthew. Um, did I mention the bank locator thing? Patrick. I can pay my bills. I can even send money to almost anyone with an email address. Matthew. Again. See, look. Branches. On a map. On my phone. With access to innovative technology like our award-winning Chase mobile app, including Chase QuickPay and Chase QuickDeposit. Plus more branches coming soon to San Diego. Chase has you covered. Visit chase.com slash forward to download the Chase mobile app. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Chase Quick Deposit available on select smartphones. Accounts are subject to eligibility. Deposit subject verification limits and restrictions. Chase Quick Pay requires one Chase checking account holder and both persons in a U.S. bank account. Other limitations apply message and data rates from your service provider may apply. J.P. Morgan, Chase Bank, and a member of DIC. Who has the best back-to-school event in the business?
Depot does. Office Depot is committed to helping businesses and kids succeed. So we're announcing even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items. That means big savings on everything on your back-to-school list. Who has the new stuff like erasable highlighters in vibrant colors and glitter gel glue? Depot does. Who has the hottest backpacks and hard-to-find calculators? Depot does. And who has even lower prices on 75 top back-to-school items? Office Depot does. Plus weekly specials you won't believe. This week only at Office Depot. Fiskar scissors, just $1. 12-pack paper made mechanical pencils, just $1. Pencil box, one cent. That's right, one cent. It's the back-to-school event at Office Depot. Don't be late. Expires 9-3. Pencil box and scissors limit 5. Pencils limit 3. The hardest decisions are often the result of the best options. So how do you choose between the 2011 IIHS Top Safety Pick Dodge Journey that gets up to 26 mpg highway and the Dodge Grand Caravan with industry-exclusive super stow-and-go seating and best-in-class cargo capacity? Or between the Dodge Durango with best-in-class horsepower towing and driving range and the Dodge Charger with available best-in-class 370 horsepower and 27 mpg highway? Well, the choices just got easier. Hurry in for the best deals of the year at the Chrysler Jeep Dodge and Ram Summer Clearance Event. These offers absolutely end Labor Day.
Lease the 2011 Charger Rally for $269 a month for 39 months with $29.99 due at signing for well-qualified, current, less easy, competitive vehicles. Tax title and license extra. Visit your SoCal Dodge dealer. Each automated fuel economy four-cylinder front-wheel drive based on Ward's vehicle segmentation when properly equipped for towing. Call 1-888-4-Dodge for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residency restrictions apply. No turn-in of current leases required. Take delivery by 9611. Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. What's your definition of success? Cruising in your new car every morning. Wow, I'm at work already. Coffee time. Walking in the door of your newly remodeled home every evening. I'm glad to see you too, Rocky. Yes. Oh, and you too, Mike. Saving time and reducing stress every day. Check my balance online. Stop by the ATM. Now there's free time for me. Unbelievable. Come to San Diego's very own Mission Federal Credit Union with great rates on home loans and car loans, 28,000 fee-free ATMs nationwide, and exceptional customer service. It's banking for the common sense crowd. Open an account today at missionfed.com or stop by any of our 22 local branches. Mission Federal Credit Union. Your success is our bottom line.
I started using Ovations because of the commercials I heard on the radio. I saw an improvement in my hair immediately. It was shiny and easy to manage, and I'm not seeing large amounts of hair in my brush after washing. Ovation is the best product I found for my hair. I'll use it as long as you keep making it. Stop the breakage costs from harsh chemicals and heat styling. Restore dry, brittle, and damaged hair to a softer, smoother, healthier, more beautiful appearance guaranteed. Grow your hair thicker, stronger, and longer. Simply log on to OvationHair.com and click on FM 94.9 at checkout to receive a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com. And remember to select FM 94.9 at checkout for your special discount. OvationHair.com. We should have bought rights to the word craftsmanship before it became so overused. Hire lawyers to protect it and keep it true. Like the true craftsmanship of the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. With an all-new world-class interior.
best-in-class 4x4 capability, and a powerful new 290-horsepower V6. Legally, we may not own the word craftsmanship, but Grand Cherokee continues to own what it stands for. Take advantage of the best deals of the year now during the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram summer clearance event. Hurry. These offers absolutely end Labor Day. Lease Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x2 for $2.99 a month. For 39 months with $24.99, do it signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax, title, and license extra. Visit your SoCal Jeep dealer. Based on automotive news segmentation, call 1-888-925-JEEP for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residency restrictions apply. No turn-in of current leases required. Take delivery by 9-6. Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. This Sunday, it's a free concert with legendary singer-songwriter Ben Harper. And the Suds will be flowing once again. The last beer fest of the season. It's all free with racetrack admission. 18 and up concerts. Report, it's brought to you by Burger King. Go to Burger King, try delicious croissant, which paired with a Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, scrambled eggs, American cheese, your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants.
Well, it looks like we've got a backup here. Paula Temecula Road at Moro Road. That's closed because of that fire that happened yesterday. It's still going on. 350 acres burned. Good news, though. It's about 60% contained. Heading into Escondido, the 15 northbound ramp to the 78 westbound. An accident there involving a tractor trailer. It's a car and a big rig there in the center divider. And what else do we have for you? How about the 78 westbound before Sycamore Avenue? An accident there that's got lanes blocked. This report brought to you by Account Temps. providing clients with cost-effective staffing solutions to their peak accounting and finance workload needs. Call or visit them at accounttempts.com, an equal opportunity employer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d' from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his leg. On FM 94.9. Mikey Show Live. Hey, listen, if you would like to be a part of the live studio audience that we have here, we have one every single day.
And all you need to do to be able to come in is go to MikeyShow.com and you can let us know. And we'll get you all hooked up with a backstage pass. Everybody that comes in gets a backstage pass. And usually we have something to eat around here. And it's pretty cool. Today it's a little warmer than usual because we're trying to fix our air conditioner. But hey, kind of like a camping trip. Yeah, it's like we're... Gutting it out together. Yeah. And the trenches. That's right. It's nice out here. That's right. I know it is, Jay. So they thought that we were going to lose $14 billion with Hurricane Irene. We didn't. Good. 2.6, which, hey, it ain't good, but it ain't bad. It ain't as bad as it could have been. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the Padres lost last night to the Dodgers 4-1, but they will try to get redemption tonight, game two of three, and it will be Tim Stauffer against Hiroki Kuroda. Nice. By the way, for our live studio audience, mypicturebooth.com was really nice. They brought in a picture booth that people can use, and it's real easy to do. You just get in there, and it's a great company because they will rap.
your branding around it, so put your logo, the whole thing, get a custom photo booth for your next event, mypicturebooth.com if you want to get all dialed in with that. We've been having fun with it. Been having a lot of fun with it. Alright, are you guys ready to play Blend It? Yeah. Ready. Alright, so Woods and Jay, you guys have to get. It's food, you guys. And I'll explain. Jay. Yes. You got to get. Sorry, I'm looking at dirty pictures out here. How do I, what do I do? Do I send, Chris will come in there. Chris is coming in. Backing up. Come here. Somebody shut the door. Hey, get out. Hey, hang on, hang on. So what do we do? We'll just tell you to come back in? Yeah, I'll get them. I don't want them to see what's going in there, though. We'll get them after we blend it. I know, but they can't see, can they? Right now, no. Okay, cool. All right, so here's what blended is. We have a blender. And we told Chris to go out and get three random items. We're going to stick these random items into a blender and blend it up. And the object of blend it is to see if they can guess what the items are. What we have that we're going to be putting into the blender first is. Oh, they can hear. They can hear. Jerks. You guys ever cheat? They're good. All right. Is chunk.
Oh, and it's generic, which is even better. It's generic brand chunk light tuna from a can. And one banana. And one can of organic cream of tomato soup. For the base. You need a base. You need a base. So that's going in right now, cold. Put the microphone down there. Let's get the mic down in there. All right, and now there's the tuna juice and the actual tuna chunks. And now we will peel the banana. Hopefully that's ripe. That would be wrong. We could just put the peel in there. Oh, no. Don't put the peel in there. No, I'm just kidding. Don't put the peel in there. And you know what? Throw the peel away so that they don't know. Hide all the evidence. Hide all the evidence so they don't know. Oh, that stinks. I'm telling you right now, I am a good six feet away from it. It stinks. We are now going to put the lid on, and then we're going to blend it. All right. Lid's on. Do you need help, Chris?
He knows how to work a blender. No, but he's filming and pushing the button. Oh, gotcha. I mean, the guy's not completely stupid. Puree, is that what we're doing? Puree. No, no, that's not good. No, there's still chunks. I want that blended, too. I don't know why it's not going. That was hideous. There you go. Ella B knows what she's doing with a blender. Is that good? No, let it go a little bit. Let's get that thing soupy. I make a lot of smoothies. All right. Okay. I want to describe to people exactly what it looks like. And this is exactly what it looks like. It looks like a vodka sauce, like a red vodka sauce. Looks exactly like a red vodka sauce. Go ahead and pour it. The two clowns? Yep. Bring in the clowns. All right. It's like a smoothie. Yeah. It is. Delicious. Ooh, it smells. No, that gives butt credit. Yeah. This is hideous. Count of three, guys? No, no, no. We're not. Well, what's the point? Point of three, yeah.
What's the matter? We just have to identify what we think's in it, right? Yes. Take a sip. Here we go. Go ahead. Take a sip. And tell me what you think is in there, Jay. Have you sipped it? Yeah, it licked off my finger. Jay just sipped it. He's tasting it. He's reveling in it. Jay's enjoying it. There's a banana in it for sure. That's true. That is right. Two turns. Okay, I've got... I taste marinara. Oh. You taste marinara? Yes. Is there marinara in there? Spaghetti sauce. Tomato sauce? Tomato soup. Tomato soup? Okay, close enough, right? And then you're missing one ingredient. Jay, do you taste carrot? I'm not sure what that is, really. It could be in the tomato soup. No carrot. No carrot. Take a drink, Woods. All right, sure I will. Take a drink. He's not drinking! Woods!
We should measure it instead of to finish it. Hey, Jay, he is not drinking it. He's not. Oh, he's just guessing. Oh, Woods. Hold on, shut up. Jay, Jay, Jay, so you know, he's not tasting it. I am too. You just guessed by looking at the color. That's why you said. Jay. I tasted it. Jay. I want to see some on your tongue. Jay, do you care he's not tasting it? I care. I don't see any on your tongue. You just stuck your tongue in it. I could do that all day long. That's. Yeah. It feels real good. Are you going to drink it? I'm not chugging it, but I can... You going to drink it? I don't know. Take a sip. There's something that's good in there. Apple? No. Not even close. Something is not right in there. Yeah. That's true. God, that's hideous. It's true. It's actually true. So what do we have so far? We've got tomato soup. Banana. What is? Can we have a hint? Yeah. Is it a fruit? No. It's a snack. It rhymes with puna. Tuna? Yeah. Let's just put down the cup. It's really not bad. I kind of like it. Try it. It's hideous. Sure. Put your finger in it and try it. No. L.O.B., try it. Are you going to, L.O.B.? She drinks algae.
It may be the nude. L-O-B. Yeah. Oh, that's grody. I had a lot of it. That's disgusting. Dude, we just drank tuna. Well, I tasted tuna, banana, and... The juice, too. A juice? No, the juice. It tastes like sweet spaghetti sauce. Yeah. I don't have to eat lunch now. Ew. It was generic. Chris, you got organic soup. They counteract each other. It was cream of tomato soup. That is gross. We need to make it where we have to finish it. Oh, zero. Competition. If you can't finish it, then you get swacked in the face. I'll throw up. Hey, listen. I'll give you credit, Woods, because you did drink it, but you had about a thimble full. Oh, there's no question. That's all I needed. I drank a lot of it. Hey, I got as many right as he did. Please take it out. Yeah. Tuna, dude. Hey, Chris, can you throw that in the mouth? Chris, I'm going to remember this. Does anyone have a mint? Oh, God, it's so grody. Tuna. He also brought Twinkies, but I thought, you know, tuna would be better. Thanks, LLB. You got it. I'm really looking out for a slate. I'm going to turn the monitor down just a tad. At least one in five couples spend more time in bed looking at their laptops than each other.
This is a new study out of England. 20% of couples are one in five. Now spend more time looking at their laptops or iPad screens in bed than they do looking at each other. Not me. Well, and that's the thing. It's not like you sat in bed and looked at each other. You didn't. We do that. You just stare at one another? Yeah, we'll talk to each other. We romp. We call it romping. What does that mean? Oh, boy. Everybody settle in. Don't scare the money away. Go ahead. It's like you're not really doing anything besides switching around, like laying here and there and talking. Why do you call it romping? Sometimes your leg will get hot, so you'll take the blanket off. Why do you call it romping? We usually switch places a lot. Why do you call it romping? I don't know. I don't know what you mean. Why do you call it romping? I don't know. We romp around. Sometimes the blanket will be on and off.
You're on this side and then I'm on this. Romp, romp. No, we don't do anything. Nothing like sexual or anything. Just romping. So are you talking? Yeah, we'll talk a lot or we'll just lay. We'll look at each other. We'll giggle. And then you'll like switch. Yeah, I'll switch. I'll be like. What are you, 13? Holy cow. Are you nude? No. I'd rather LARP. LARP too. I would rather LARP too. It's live action role play. We just have fun. I want her to have a reality show. Me too, my God. Me and you should have reality. Yeah. My go-to move is, like, we'll be looking at each other, and he'll start talking, and I'll start trying to say it the same time that he does. Like, try to say something, Mikey. What are you going to do today? Say. Hey, babe. Are you going to be available later? Oh, my God. She's pretty good. She gets so mad. She's pretty good. He'll go, stop it. And then he'll try to say, like, umbilical cord, and I'll still say it.
Holy. She's insane. Grown adult people do this kind of stuff. That's what makes me laugh. But she's insane. It's innocent. It's fun. Yeah. We're all grown up little kids. You romp her. No. We don't romp either. Romping is fun. It'll take like an hour to get out of bed because we'll be romping. I think it's healthy to romp. My wife and I should do more stupid stuff. You do stupid stuff all the time. Yeah, we're always playing grab ass, but they don't really romp. In bed, I'll set the bed scenario for you. I'm on my laptop. She's on hers. I got a big dip of snuff in and a spitter resting on my belly. Gross. We never do that. And then she'll be telling me about office supplies and I'll be telling her about bits or whatever. Here's mine. Rebecca's in bed on top of the covers. She doesn't get under the covers. She's in bed on top of the covers of the blanket over her. She's got her laptop open. She's doing something on her laptop. I come over to my side of the bed, open the sheets up, put my pillow in a V, if one of my pillows upside down V. It's a picture of V, the letter V, upside down. That's the way I shape my pillows. They have to be an upside down V. Okay. And I have two pillows. We have about five pillows on the bed, but two of them are mine. Right. And I know which ones they are. Of course. Sometimes she's got it and I'll go, babe, can I get my pillow?
and she doesn't say anything. She just leans up, and I pull it, and it's hot, and I'm secretly mad because it's hot. And then I put it there, and then I lay down on my stomach with the iPad. Facing the headboard. Yeah. That's weird. When I want a pillow, I want it to be cold and crisp. Me too. If it's hot, lose. Yep. That's every person. Nobody likes a hot pillow. Set it in front of a fan or something to cool it off. Nobody likes a hot pillow. Nobody likes a hot pillow. Nobody. It's like one cereal. That's why they say cool is the other side of a pillow. Yeah. Because that's how you want it. You guys flip your pillows in the middle of the night? Yeah. I do too. I do a lot of smushing around. I do not. Yeah. Romping. Romping. You guys should try it. It's a nice way to wake up on a Sunday. I would pay to see Mikey and Rebecca romping. It's a romp session. I want to know why you do that. Why you call it that. Okay. I don't know. Hey, listen. What I'm going to talk about next is adult and nature. We're all adults. Oh, well, they brought kids. What are you going to do? I know. What does it make you uncomfortable? Nothing. I just drank tuna, so feast. Yeah. Tuna. Let's see. Oh, God. Dr. Hilda Hutcherson is a sexuality expert in New York. Go on. Oh, I forgot. This is a true story. I was going to say to Jay before the show started, hey, when I do this story.
Don't do anything. Just zip your lip. Don't talk. Don't play sound effects. Don't do anything. And I forgot to. Can I draw things? So I'm saying it now. Say it in your head. You can pantomime. Anyway, so she is a sexuality expert in New York. She says, based on recent findings, the average man's sexual stamina, three to five minutes. That is from the moment of sex beginning to the end. Well, define sex. You know. You know. Okay. Yeah. This study, do you have to giggle? Yes, I do. How come? Easy, Dr. Phil. I have to giggle. I have to? Yes. Here's the thing. It really made him giggle. It really did. It made him giggle like a kid. Yeah. Grown up little kid. He's got a big grin on his pooping grin on his face. Yeah.
For women, it's different. 12 to 15 minutes. Tell me about it. Yeah. Jay. Sorry. I said it. I'll take the bullet. I said it. I just agreed. That's it. I'll take that one. Not our fault. We're better than you. How does that make you better? Endurance. Maybe focus. Jay. I'm just saying focus. No, no, no, no. You focus is the problem. Yeah, it's true. Very focused. This brought up. a genuine question for me, which is, okay, if that's the average man and that's the average woman, why do women even care to bother? And it must be a deal like, happy birthday. Maybe it's the prospect of the averages being skewed. It sounds like you're in fourth grade right now. Up here, pal, I am. Okay? Up here, I am.
He just pointed at his head. A fear I am. Fair enough. He truly... It's weird. I'm like, we're sitting here and we're talking about this on the radio. I haven't found those to be true. That's what all women say. Shhh. Jay. He's not allowed to say one word. You're not allowed. You're banished. I don't need you to help right now. You do. No, I don't want you to. I don't want you to. I want to talk to Lauren O'Brien. But I have a lot. I know you do. And I want to talk to Stephen R. Woods. And I want to have adult conversation. Okay. Talk like adults. Okay, let's do this. I can do this. Because I don't have a problem discussing things that are of adult nature. Yeah. I just want to talk about it like adults. Let's be grown-ups about it. I would have this conversation with my wife. Yeah. Okay. What did you just say, Lauren? I said I think those averages are off. For you? Both. For you? I only know me, so, and my experiences. Oh, my goodness. Oh, our general manager swapped in. Holy cow. Oh, man. Perfect. Nope. Just to kind of welcome my love. There you go, yeah. You can play that whistle sound effect today. I would never do that. Every time we see him, though, the...
Cups disappear. Yeah. I just gave myself a head rush. I'm so nervous right now. Hi, Rick. Hi. I walked into something. Oh. No way. That's our general manager. I love you so much. I love you. However. I love you. Oh, boy. You see that, man? I love him. I love the man. He's one of my favorite. Robert Duvall. He does. Identical Robert Duvall. Identical Robert Duvall. Mikey takes baths. He's sitting down, too. All right. He's already said that. We're talking about climaxes if you're... Just FYI. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I was trying to get him out here. It worked. It worked. It worked. It worked. It worked. I've never been more uncomfortable. I'm not allowed to talk, so... I've been at funerals more comfortable than this. The back of my neck's hot. Is he still here? He's still here, isn't he?
The back of my neck's hot. Yes. Anyway. Anyway. Anywho. Yes, he's gone. He's gone. You guys are clowns. It creeps me out so bad when he comes in here. He just wants to see what's going on. But it makes us nervous. Why did he have a letter that had the letterhead FTC on it? Look at my hands. Oh, my God. Look at my hands. Look at my hands. So. So. Soaked. Maybe it's a sign to move on. It makes me so nervous when he comes in. It shouldn't. As it should. Oh, no. He's a fan. Talking about climaxing in front of your boss. Right. It's always fun. I didn't get to, so I wouldn't know. Well, that's fine. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Sweet Marie. Oh, sweet Marie. When we come back, I'm going to tell you about how the Japanese are getting energy-saving haircuts.
Let's hear it in our live studio audience. The Mikey Show. Oh, my God. It's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. We string up the old 27 Gibson for the 4 o'clock blues break from vintage Robert Johnson or Muddy Waters. or the white stripes and everything in between. The 4 o'clock Blues Break, 94.9. Life's better with baseball. Look, it's a fact that a really impressive pitcher needs to understand the engineering and aerodynamic principles at work while a baseball is in flight. I mean, trajectory, rotational forces, the dynamics of turbulent airflow. It's crazy. So that's when you turn to Scanalysis for laser-sharp insight and post-game analysis. Bob Scanlon, only on the Saquon Casino Post Game Show. Channel 4.
The Padres continue their series with the Dodgers, 645 Tuesday. From the remotest corners of East County to the splendor of the Silver Strand. From the innovative entrepreneur to the triumphant competitor, join us for the real San Diego stories that the local news stations simply don't have the time to tell. It's all about San Diego, and it's all right here on San Diego Insider Magazine. Don't miss the next debut edition of San Diego Insider Magazine, 6 p.m. Sunday exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego. The hardest decisions are often the result of the best options. So how do you choose between the 2011 IIHS top safety pick Dodge Journey that gets up to 26 MPG highway and the Dodge Grand Caravan with industry-exclusive super stow-and-go seating and best-in-class cargo capacity? Or between the Dodge Durango with best-in-class horsepower towing and driving range and the Dodge Charger with available best-in-class 370 horsepower and 27 MPG highway? Well, the choices just got easier. Hurry in for the best deals of the year at the Chrysler Jeep Dodge and Ram Summer Clearance Event. These offers absolutely end Labor Day. Lease the 2011 Charger Rally for $269 a month for 39 months with $29.99 due at signing for well-qualified, current, less easy, competitive vehicles. Tax title and license extra. Visit your SoCal Dodge dealer. EPA estimated fuel economy four-cylinder front-wheel drive based on Ward's vehicle segmentation when properly equipped for towing. Call 1-888-4-DOTGE for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residency restrictions apply.
No turn-in of current leases required. Take delivery by 9611. Chrysler Jeep Dodge and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group LLC. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied. What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront. An all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow flowing. Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters. It's a pop quiz from Cox. Which service offers free HD channels with no strings attached? Cox Advanced TV, of course. Cox has over 1,800 HD viewing choices. That's more than satellite or the old phone company.
Right now, during the Cox Cool & School sale, Cox Advanced TV starts for less than $25 a month. You get tons of free features with Cox Advanced TV, like TV Online. It lets you enjoy your favorite movies and shows anywhere, anywhere. And if you add whole home DVR, you can record your favorite shows in one room and watch them from another. Cox Advanced TV starts for less than $25 a month, and that's not an introductory price. Plus, add the best in premium programming like HBO and Cinemax for just $15 more a month for six months. So visit us right now at Cox.com to sign up and get other exclusive deals. It's the Cool in School sale from Cox. Limited time offer excludes required equipment rental taxes and other fees. Other restrictions apply. The future is a potentially thrilling and wonderful place full of all sorts of automatic ways to make our lives easier. Everything from automatic dog-petting clocks to auto jetpack washers to sock fold-o-matics. It's going to be great. But until then, it's good to know that you can start saving money automatically today. When you're ready to bring your savings into the 21st century at Wells Fargo, we're with you. With the Way to Save Savings account exclusively from Wells Fargo, you can save money automatically. If you choose our save-as-you-go option, we'll automatically transfer $1 from your Wells Fargo checking account to your Way to Save account when you make a debit card purchase, pay a bill with Wells Fargo Online Bill Pay, or make an automatic payment.
You can also set up monthly automatic transfers to grow your savings faster. With a WayToSave account, you also gain access to Wells Fargo online banking, online savings tools, and Wells Fargo mobile banking. To learn more about how you can get ahead with your savings with our WayToSave account, stop by Wells Fargo today. Wells Fargo. Together, we'll go far. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. I'm here with my family at our favorite campsite for a little relaxation. But it looks like the whole city had the same idea. And what was supposed to be a weekend full of peace and quiet has quickly turned into a weekend full of who can yell the loudest over that guy's radio? Or that guy's cell phone? Or that lady's... What is that? A poodle? Or that girl's delicious Coca-Cola? Hey there. Would you like a Coke? Sure. Thanks. Now this is my kind of peace and quiet. Every precious moment of summertime should be enjoyed down to the very last drop, just like a refreshing Coca-Cola. So grab your friends and grab a 12-pack of Coke for just $4 for $11 at Ralph's, at the beach, the mall, the game, or whatever. When you're out enjoying all the fun that summer has to offer, stay refreshed with an ice-cold Coke. Coca-Cola. Open happiness. We should have bought rights to the word craftsmanship before it became so overused. Hire lawyers to protect it and keep it true.
Like the true craftsmanship of the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. With an all-new world-class interior, best-in-class 4x4 capability, and a powerful new 290-horsepower V6. Legally, we may not own the word craftsmanship, but Grand Cherokee continues to own what it stands for. Take advantage of the best deals of the year now during the Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram summer clearance event. Hurry. These offers absolutely end Labor Day. Lease Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x2 for $2.99 a month for 39 months with $24.99. Do it signing for well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles. Tax, title, and license extra. Visit your SoCal Jeep dealer. Based on automotive news segmentation, call 1-888-925-JEEP for lease details. Offer requires dealer contribution and lease through Ally. Residence here. Restricts in supply. No turn-in of current leases required. Take delivery by 9-6. Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. Wells Fargo. Call, click, or stop by Wells Fargo today. Together, we'll go far. Yeah, this is the light. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear, like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9.
New Direction. People have been complaining about it. I love the New Direction. I love the electric with the band. I love it. What? What are you hearing is a problem? I've heard that a lot of people don't like this new record, and I love it. Why do they not like it? They like all his acoustic stuff. Oh, please. It's called Evolution. It feels real good. Who is it? It's a city in color. Well, if it sounds good, what do people care? I know. That's what I say. I like it. Short hair covered in tattoos, even on his neck. Yep. Like B-Roll. Glasses. Like your buddy B-Roll. Like B-Roll. Sitting in front of you. Must be why you like the group. Reminds me. Sorry. I missed the friendship not out of the air. Gosh. I'll just keep working hard and hopefully something works out. Do what you can. You know what Woods will not do? He will not tell me if he's kidding.
He will not tell me if he's kidding. Even off the air, I'll go, are you being serious about that? And he'll walk out of the room, L.O.B., pretends that she's not listening when she is. That's right. She's good at that. Most of the time, I'm not listening. That's true. She's like, get me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. No, I just have no attention span. Huh? I learned in college how to tune people out. I learned it in high school. Check this out. Japanese, because of the Japanese, because of what happened at Fukushima Daiku, the nuclear disaster, because of what happened, they want to save on energy. So they're asking everyone to sport a very short haircut because that will save on blow drying. Zang rough wine. Too soon.
And they're asking women to wear what they're calling a cute bob haircut with a fringe that can be swept to one side. So that's the news. I would be in trouble if I lived in Japan. You wouldn't want to do that. Think L.O.B. would fight that? Bad with short hair. That's right. Maybe I'd wear a wig. She would fight it so hard. Of course. I would fight it. I'm not cutting my hair. You don't have any hair. Yeah. See? Yeah, what do they do for the people that are going bald? Yell at them. Just yell. Woodsy has new releases. I do. Let's hear them. What do you got? This one will hit close to home. Glenn Campbell, he's suffering from Alzheimer's.