The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 08/31/11
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
reckless pranksfood ethicscompetitive parentinglive musicinappropriate laughterpop culturereggaepoetryradiocomedyprankscrossbow
The Mikey Show cast turned a local crossbow shooting into a warning about reckless provocation, then traded stories about dangerous teenage pranks and whether telling parents the truth is the easiest escape. Mikey, Woods, Lauren and Jay argued over antibiotic-fed meat, competitive parenting and whether Woods should play familiar hits or obscure favorites at his live gig. Snooki explained DTF to Jeff Bridges, while Mikey recounted deliberately keeping Rebecca laughing after Jan fell during a home closing and later described his twins' impossible bubble demands. The crew also fought over reggae and Top Gun, and M1 Firenze capped the memorable bits with a food-filled double-entendre poem.
What happened, in order
Crossbow Comeuppance
The crew condemned a passenger for shooting a 16-year-old with a crossbow but also argued that throwing rocks at moving cars invites dangerous retaliation.
The Clutch-Killing Bit
Mikey copied Peter Bruton's suggestive stop-and-go driving gag, destroyed his truck's clutch, and told his furious father the embarrassing truth.
DeLorean, Cocaine and Gullwings
The cast marveled that John DeLorean beat cocaine charges despite a filmed suitcase deal, then Jay argued that flashy gullwing doors look insecure rather than cool.
What Is in the Pork?
Mikey and Woods questioned the fuss over medicated meat while Lauren, Jay and caller M1 Jake argued that routine antibiotics and hormones harm animals, people and flavor.
Never Let the Kids Win
A debate about competitive parenting led Woods to recall that his golf-obsessed father sounded furious when Woods improbably scored a hole-in-one first.
Snooki Teaches DTF
A Tonight Show clip had Snooki explain the meaning of DTF to a bewildered Jeff Bridges, prompting the crew to dissect Jersey Shore hookup culture.
The Deep-Cut Gig Fight
Woods planned a live set of obscure favorites, while Mikey and Lauren insisted that bar audiences want recognizable songs they can enjoy and sing along with.
Rebecca Cannot Stop Laughing
When polished saleswoman Jan tripped over a phone cord and scattered closing papers, Rebecca dissolved into helpless laughter and Mikey repeatedly set her off again while pretending to apologize.
The Impossible Bubble Demand
Mikey described his twins melting down because they demanded to blow bubbles themselves, lacked the ability to do it, and refused to let Rebecca help.
Reggae Happiness Test
Lauren declared that people who dislike reggae are unhappy, while the others countered that reggae fandom is often performative and admitted they mostly just like Bob Marley.
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner
M1 Firenze performed a food-based double-entendre poem from the Belly Up show and explained that Michael Schmidt had assembled local poets to open for Lauren's comedy set.
The Top Gun Reckoning
The cast credited Top Gun with wingmen, aviators and iconic cool, while Mikey called it cheesy and the others debated its intense homoerotic subtext around Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLaurenJayPeter BrutonJohn DeLoreanM1 JakeSnookiJeff BridgesRebeccaJanBob MarleyM1 FirenzeMichael Schmidt
27,163 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
just happen. It's by itself. Well, good morning. Mikey's show on a Wednesday and we are ready to do this thing today. How about a four pack of tickets to the Chargers Niners tomorrow? You get that just for listening to the word of the day. Word of the day is landscape. So at some point between now and 10 o'clock, I will say the word landscape. When I do, you've got to be caller nine. You'll win the four-pack to Chargers Niners. And it's going to be great. It's going to be hard for you not to say that word. That's a true statement. Why? Yeah, that's because I'm Hispanic. What? And, you know, it's in my genetic makeup. Although, yesterday we got in a little trouble because I was making Mexican jokes about myself. Right.
And people did not like that. Knowing my friend Mike probably lost a little sleep over it. So thanks, M1 Louise. Are you a Mexican? Or a Mexican? Yeah, what are you, Mike? I'm a Mexican. Yeah, good for you. Look at you. No, I've been convinced that it's okay. Good. So I'm not going to give up. All right, I like your stick-to-itiveness. Thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, so here's the deal. We got some open phone lines for you. 570-1949 if you want to call us. And if you want to text us, 949Mikey at gmail.com. And a lot to do on this program today. The least of which being, of course, the dating game. Some ladies. And we're going to bring in three ladies on Friday. All for Chris, our phone screener. That's growl. That's growl. Oh, Chris is a 22-year-old, 6'1", tall, dark and handsome young man who's looking for a young woman here in San Diego County that's between 21 and 30 years of age. Well, he's not looking for a party animal, but he is looking for a good time. Of course, we'll be talking about that. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 41. Oh, yeah.
Woodsy is 36. He is our sports guy. He's wearing a white V-neck. As are you? I am too. Wow. You guys call each other? Yep. Ella B. is our assistant producer. She hates Woods and I's friendship. She is 30. Very much. I think I'm jealous. Yeah. And Jay is 48 years of age and the father of four. That's right. Feels real good. Apparently. And Chris, as I said, 22. He's our phone screener. It's growl. It's growl. I had a FaceTime yesterday, Mike, from my sister-in-law, whose name is also Lauren. Oh. And my heart skipped a beat because I thought it might for a second. Just for one second. No. Be my friend Lauren O'Brien. I don't even know how to FaceTime. There's a button and you just hit it. It says FaceTime on it and that's it. Where? It's on your phone. You know where it is. It's in your contacts. It's in your contacts. I didn't think it was going to be on my remote control. I go, no way. And then I go, oh, it's Lauren Honeycutt. Sorry to disappoint. Yeah, Lauren. As usual. It's in your contacts and you can even add it to your favorites so that if you want to. Favorites? Yeah. I don't know about favorites.
You don't know about favorites. No. A lot of people have the iPhone, man. When I was getting a manicure and a pedicure the other day, and I was the only guy in the Asian salon. It wasn't the other day. I say the other day. It was Sunday. Well, that's the other day. Yeah, that's the other day. Not this day. Yeah. Right. And, yeah, I was sitting in there, you know, all the Asian women looking at me just knowing I'm gay. Yeah. getting a manicure and a pedicure and i was looking around and everybody all the women in there they're on their phones as they're getting their nails and their their pedicures done yep and uh i was noticing that most of them were iphones and uh yeah l-o-b there's a button same in the same place on your phone where you facetime and do all that stuff there's a button called favorites and if you call uh certain people a lot You put them in your favorites. You're in my favorites. Makes it easy. You're in my favorites. Woods is in my favorites. Everybody I work with is in my favorites. And my wife. How do you access your favorites? There's a button that just says favorites right when you hit the phone button. Yeah. It's really simple. Look it. And those of you that use iPhone, if you didn't know that, that's the way that it works. Android is technically the same.
Yeah, they ripped it off from the iPhone and then were sued. Oh, yeah. I have seen that thing. It still works. That little star. Yeah. Look at that. You can add things to that, eh? Mm-hmm. Woodsy's the second person in my favorites. Yeah, number two. Right after my wife. Weird. Wow. I love it. Oh, look. I have one in there. Mad Commerce. Do you think that the iPhone just knew? No. I think Matt probably did that for you. Yeah, Matt probably went in there and said, eh? I want to make sure that I'm one of her favorites. He's in the phone. Don't you remember that yesterday before I left, Lauren? I said, oh, oh, oh, oh, L-O-B, before I forget. Tomorrow, if you can, please try to like us. I do remember you saying that. Remember when I said that? And then Lauren said, oh, Jay, can you put that on my homework so I don't forget? He didn't put it in there. He didn't put it in there. Sorry. Blame Jay. I guess we are still on the list. On the outs. You're not on the list. On the list. You guys are my friends. All right. So there's a kid, 16-year-old kid here in San Diego. He was throwing rocks at an SUV. And the passenger in the SUV shot the 16-year-old with a crossbow.
It is not life-threatening, his injuries. Taken to a hospital. Not life-threatening. Name wasn't released. Nobody's been arrested. Happened in Linda Vista on Monday. You know, doesn't get shot. Fair enough. Self-defense. Fair enough. First of all, who has a crossbow besides Jay? That's the only person I know with a crossbow. Now, I am not, again, I mean, I'm not saying that it's right to shoot anyone with a crossbow. It's not. However, you know who doesn't get shot? Yeah, man. Don't throw rocks at people's cars. No. We got the crap kicked out of us when we were in middle school for throwing snowballs at people's cars as they were driving. Yeah, I pulled over and beat the crap out of us. We threw biscuits. We'd get the raw biscuits. We'd throw them and they would stick to the side of the car. Oh, dude. You get chased for miles.
Jay comes up with mischievous ideas, and when they hit you, you go, I never thought of that. Yeah. You know? He's got a million of them. The rope across the road, that was my favorite. You're just on both sides of the road, and you're holding the rope, but there's no rope. Right. Invisible rope. The car's all stopped. You're like... Still don't get that. It's monstrous. To people, it does look like you're holding something. If two of you are, and you're... vision you see two kids on each side of the street and they're pulling on something right it does it's nothing it's invisible you're like leaning back you're like and the car's like these guys are crazy you know what my bit used to be when my senior year in high school i used to think this was so funny and it used to scare the pants out of people and now i think back i'm like that was messed up my kids did that i'd be mad but when i was driving by somebody when we were you know driving by each other right So we're head on, but we're in different lanes. I used to take my hands and slide them into the other lane, like pretending to slide them into the other lane on the steering wheel. I didn't actually move my steering wheel at all. I just invisible went like I was twisting the wheel and they would go. You move your body too? Yeah, I'd move my body. My bit too. Great bit. You did it? Great bit. Still do.
I had a friend named Peter Bruton, and he used to do this thing with his car when we were in the car, a bunch of us. He would do this thing when we were in the car where he would stop and go and stop and go and stop and go. And then he would hit the windshield wipers so that the windshield wipers would go. So he would. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Do you understand what that is, L.O.B.? Was it sexual? It was a sexual thing. It's a sexual thing, L.O.B. Do you get it now? Now I get it. And so I thought I would be funny, and I tried doing the same thing. I blew the clutch on my truck, and my dad had to come and get me. He was inconsolably furious. Did you have to explain? Yeah, did you tell him? I told him. No! You just said my clutch popped.
No, I didn't say that. Oh, that's what I would have done. You said I was doing the bit where you act like your car was having sex. Right. That always works out well. I bet he was so mad. I'm telling you the truth, though, man. My dad gave me the worst beating of my life for lying. I didn't lie to my old man. I ain't lying to my dad. You know what I mean? I can't lie to him. And he gave me a break. He'd always give me a break. Like he was inconsolably furious, but he didn't like, you know, I didn't get too busted. It's hard to learn that, that sometimes lying is actually the easiest. I mean, not lying is actually the easiest way out of something. You know, if you can go to your parents and be like, I did something really stupid. Like I banged into the garage one day and I had this elaborate story worked up and I go, you know what? I called my mom and I just go, hey, I got something really bad to tell you. And she goes, what, what? And I go, I banged the car into the garage. She goes, oh.
It was no big deal with insurance. I was like, that was easy. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes honesty is the best policy. And by sometimes, I mean all the time. So anyway, kid hit with a crossbow. Wow. Woodsy. Yes, sir. You have some Padre stuff for me and some Charger stuff, right? Yeah, I got some Padre stuff for you right now. What do you got? First of all, the big story with the Padres is they are no longer going to be broadcast on Channel 4 San Diego in 2012. Really? Yeah. It's a done deal. Their agreement with Cox Communications has expired. And Cox is actually laying people off that are related to the baseball programming. So it's sad. Now, here's the thing. And this is what everybody has to realize is that that is the only way you can watch Padre games. Right. I mean, that is the only. So if you have DirecTV, sorry, Charlie. Yeah. The rumor, and it has been the rumor for months, is that Fox Sports is going to take over the broadcast rights. Now, it's actually really good for the Padres. The organization could be worth as much as $30 million annually over 20 years. So that's revenue that they're going to be able to hopefully spend on some guys that can hit the baseball. Will they? That's the million-dollar question. They've said already that their payroll will go up incrementally next year.
You go from $1 to $1.50, see what happens. Great. We need some hitters. They've got to spend that dough on some guys that can hit the ball. Also, they did not have a great night last night. They lost their sixth in a row. Lost six in a row. Tim Stauffer, the guy gave up one hit, but he walked seven or eight batters. He could not find the plate. They lost eight to five, gave up a grand slam. Eight-run second inning is hard to recover from. Oh, no! We suck again. They lost to the Dodgers. They will play the Dodgers again today at 12-10 at Dodger Stadium. Wade LeBlanc against Ted Lilly. Oh, wow. Yeah. Rough year. Rough, rough year. 570-1949 is the number. Still tons of standing water in the Northeast from Hurricane Irene. Oh, man. It's people out there in rescue boats trying to help people. It's knee deep right there. Yeah, it's crazy. Facebook. has paid out about $40,000 to people if they're good at teaching Facebook how they hack into Facebook. Like the casinos do. Casinos hire cheats to teach them. How'd you do it? How'd you beat us? Well, Facebook is, you know, they're taking a page from that. So cheaters do win sometimes. They prosper. Well, when they do the right thing, yes. That's what they're doing in this situation.
They're teaching Facebook. It's called a bug bounty. That's what they're calling it. Bug bounty. And here's what they say. We want both the professionals and the hobbyist. If you're a hacker hobbyist. Well, who's not a hacker hobbyist? Yeah, exactly. But if you are a hacker of the professional or, you know, just a pastime of yours, dabble. Yeah. They're looking for you. And they'll pay you a finder's fee of at least $500. Made me wonder. Let's say that you're a professional and you know how to hack Facebook. You go to them and, you know, aren't they going to know that you're one of them? Yes. Is it a trap? Is it a trap? Entrapment. No. I don't know. Movie with Catherine Data-Jones? Yeah. I'm just saying.
It's like when police officers dressed up as hookers. Yes. You know, same thing. Mm-hmm. Still hot. It's kind of the same thing, yeah. You guys ever seen that, like, on Cops and stuff? Makes my heart race. Yeah. Heart race. Yeah. Black and white grainy film shot from a coffee table. Like a Marion Jones with a crack pipe. Oh, my gosh. Marion Barry. Marion Barry. Yeah. How scary is that? John DeLorean with that suitcase of cocaine makes you sweat. So, okay, Woodsy, I'm glad you brought that up, not to rabbit trail too much here, but the DeLorean, you know, they'll make you one. In Houston, there's a place in Houston that'll make you a brand new DeLorean because when DeLorean went out of business, they shipped all these parts to this big warehouse in Houston. And if you pay them, you have a choice of two. You can either have a brand new one. or they'll refurbish one, okay? But anyway, I was watching this thing where they were talking about the DeLorean, and they were talking about how John DeLorean, he got off those charges. He did? Yeah, he got off of those charges. He bought like kilos and kilos of cocaine from federal agents. That's what I'm saying. I'm glad you said, because I didn't know how he got arrested in the first place. They caught him like... Dude, they have pictures of him in the hotel talking to the guys. Two guys in a chair, him on the couch, and this suitcase full of blow.
Right. And he's like, all right, so let's let's do this thing. I mean, he's throwing money out. I mean, the whole thing is fascinating. This is the guy that invented and created the DeLorean. And he's buying all this. Who knows what for? You know, he died in 2005. And when he died, he was designing a new badass looking modern day DeLorean. I thought they were when I saw that car in Back to the Future, I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. Gullwing? Yeah. I was like, this is the greatest car ever. Dude, still to this day, in any kind of car, is there anything cooler than gull wings? It's not really that functional in like a parking lot or a parking garage or garage. There are different kinds of gull wings. So the kind that are the tough kind are the DeLorean, which comes straight out. But there are some that sweep to the side. Those are bad ass. My friend had us. T-tops, I forget what kind of car, but the things would, like, they would come off. Yeah. So it was kind of like... It's a beating, though. Yeah. But I thought it was the closest thing to a DeLorean. Yeah. The Lamborghini has the deal where you open the door and it slides up. Sideways. Sideways, which is... Dude, you pull up to a restaurant or a bar or something and you get out and that door pops open sideways, consider yourself getting lucky. Yeah. Imagine going to Donovan's and you're like... Pretty.
Cool. That's pretty cool. Because of clowns. What do you mean, Jay? It's on the list, Jay. I think it's douche. Douchey. Why? Oh, wow. Because I'm just like, really? I've seen people do it to their other cars, too. It's like, look at that. Look, I got crazy doors, too. Wait a minute, though, Jay. You're telling me that you think that a white Lamborghini with a door... It's like, how small is your unit? You think it's because of a small wiener? I think it has to be a lot. If you're spending that kind of money on a car... Well, how about you like cars? You spent $10,000 on a bicycle. That's a true statement. No, I didn't. I got it used. Yeah, but you spent $10,000. That means it was a $20,000 bicycle that you spent $10,000 on. No, no, no. Well, you spent like $5,000 or something crazy. But my doors don't go... Your bike weighs one pound. It's like, look at me. There's probably a lot of things on your bike that we could say. You could look at my bike and you just go, hey, that's a bike. You wouldn't know anything about it. You wouldn't go, wow, that bike's worth $10,000. Hey, it's just a bike. Well, yeah, but here's my deal with cars. I think they're beautiful, man. I think they're absolutely beautiful. And I love driving. I love driving. I love cars. I love the way they smell. I love everything about...
automobiles i just love them like i'm not a car guy but i see those those doors slide up i'm all the way in i'm like gosh what do you do i want to know who's your investment guy yeah yeah for sure man um so are you getting madden oh yeah you are 100 it doesn't really change much from year to year but i like the updated players so i don't have to go do it myself well Hey, listen, if you play fantasy football, I'm sorry for those of you that drafted Peyton Hillis. Yeah, he's done. Yeah, he's done for the season. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because he's on the cover of Madden 12, NFL 12. And we all know that the curse of the Madden deal, it's for real. Yes. Now, maybe Peyton Hillis will be the first to not get injured after being on the cover of Madden, but he is on the cover. Well, he's a white running back, so his odds are pretty low. Now, here's the deal, by the way. If you're really into this stuff, it's not getting very favorable feedback from people that like the game. Here's what they've called it. This is a quote. A jumbled mess of frustration, unmet expectations, and sloppy play.
I don't really know how they could improve it. The thing that I like the most about it, like I said, is the updated rosters. That's all I really... The game doesn't... What are you going to add to a football that doesn't... That's not already there? Well, here's what they said they added. They said that visually, the players are crisper than they used to be. Like crisp. They got new camera angles that liven it up a little bit. Okay. And last. Oh, speaking of butt shots, L.O.B., they did this thing this year that makes the players get wear and tear as the game goes on, like to their uniforms. Oh, I like it. Yeah. I like it. Streamline play calling. And so that's what they're saying is. Oh, they also updated the. animation on tackling so it looks cool see and that's the thing man like people will freak out over games like madden i still look at it and go it looks like it doesn't like it's it doesn't look cool to me it still look i want it to be 2030 where it looks like way more realistic come a long way baby pretty real it has pretty real looking it has come a long way yeah i mean you gotta think
From where the little dot matrix thing's moving. Tecmo Bowl. Tecmo Bowl. I don't know, though, dude. I just kind of think about it and I go, it reminds me of, it kind of reminds me of what, like, a car in the 50s would have looked like. And people are like, ooh, look, it's got something called air conditioning. For the first time ever. Isn't that great? Yeah, I guess. I just, I want something more. I want it to be real. A lot of chameleons out there. Trying to change up anytime something new comes along. See what I'm saying? Everybody wants a bite. Want to hear Willie Nelson cover Coldplay? 100%. Yeah. He does The Scientist. Wow. Yeah. And I'm going to let you hear what it sounds like coming up. A part of the Mikey Show now. Call Mikey now. 570-1949. More coming up on FM 94.9. Live from Progressive. With more discounts than ever before, Progressive can save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Savings. Oh, you can get bigger savings than that. Savings. That's close, but you can really save a lot of money. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Let's take another call.
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Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. He sees the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... And Jay. Please grow up on FM 94.9. Between now and 10 and your caller 9, four packet tickets to Chargers Niners. Airhorn Birthday is coming up. Nice. Love it. So Willie Nelson apparently is doing a Chipotle video. And the deal is it's promoting natural farming, which has been one of their big things. It means nothing to me, by the way. Chipotle, I'll pass these big billboards that say all natural.
No antibiotics. Hormones. Now, I think to myself, that pork was raised with no antibiotics. That's the best part about Chipotle. And I've actually thought this in my head. I've actually thought in my head. Well, first of all, I didn't know that there was antibiotics in other pork burritos. Yeah. I didn't know that. And now I do, but I don't know why it's bad. Yeah. When you get sick and you get antibiotics, you feel better. Yes. When a pig gets sick, I guess it's not good to give them antibiotics. Well, I will tell you this. Right now, L.O.B. and Jay will attempt to tell us why it's bad. They don't really know. Right. But they know that it's healthy. Right. And so they're going to give us their bit. They're going to be like. Oh, come on, Mike. Don't you know... They're looking at us like we are lepers. Like we're morons. L.O.B.'s face. Yeah, she's got this look on her face like, wait, Mike, you're telling me you've never been to third grade. You're an idiot. You're telling me you've never, ever seen Sesame Street. Isn't your body a temple? Yes. Oh, boy.
Well, don't you only want to put the good things in your body? Yeah, antibiotics are good. They make you healthy. Not animal antibiotics. Oh. No. And too many antibiotics aren't good for humans either. But what's too many? If it makes you healthy, then that's good. It doesn't make you healthy. It bites off. It fixes you. It kills the necessary bacteria that you have. Some bacteria is good in your digestive system. You want it because that's what... Breaks apart the food. So what's bad if my pork... You don't want to throw antibiotics because it's causing kids to grow faster. Yeah, they're unnecessary. The hormones are causing kids. No, it's all in there. Why do you think girls have giant boobs now? That's all the way in. They're like 5'9 on average. That's great. It causes cancer. No, that's bad. Doesn't everything cause cancer? Everything causes cancer. So you don't want to avoid the things that you know for sure? Cause it? You obviously would. Only thing we know for sure. Smoking, dipping. But if you have the two on the table of a cow that's grass-fed or a cow that eats other cows, wouldn't you want the grass-fed cow? That's the truth. I would. I don't care. I want a thick, juicy steak. I don't care how I got it. And if it tastes good, I just want it. Me too. I just want it. Well...
Chipotle tastes good. That's all I know. Oh, it tastes so good. It's one of my favorite places. That's why. So here's Willie Nelson covering The Scientist by Coldplay. Just guessing at numbers and figures. Oh, and the puzzles apart. Me too. Oh, my gosh. Questions of science. Love it. I love it. Science and progress. Don't be as loud as my heart. Is he in Afghanistan? No, I think those are hooves. I don't know. He's in the middle of a cattle drive. Yes. It's such a shame for us. I'm with Woods, and I'll tell you, I think I like it the same reason that Woods likes it, the imperfection. That's it. He is an absolute American treasure, Willie. Willie can do no wrong. Nothing.
It's the imperfection in it. Yep. Sounds like they helped him out a little bit with some software. You think? Yeah, there's times where they're like... I thought that's his voice, I think. I think they helped him out a little bit with some herbage. Yes. Herbage? He was stoned. Well, that's always. Boy, how stoned is you? How stoned is you? 570-1949. We got M1 Jake from Escondido on the line. What's up, Jake? How you doing, Mikey? Good. Hey, man. First time caller. Love your guys' show. Right on, dude. Hey, so the whole antibiotics thing, they don't give the antibiotics to animals just when they're sick. They pump them full of them as soon as they're born, and they give them huge, huge doses of it. How come? Just because if you pump them full of antibiotics, then they don't get sick. They're pumping them full of so many drugs and so many hormones. Like the hormones they give them make them grow like, I don't know how much faster, but like a ton faster. So they actually come to maturity a lot faster. And then they're prone to getting sick because they're pumped full of all these antibiotics.
And it's just not good for him. You guys should definitely look at the movie Food, Inc. I ain't watching that. Not either. It's going to scare me. It's going to make me not want to eat stuff. And here's the deal. Here's the thing, man. I'm going to tell you something. Keith Richards has snorted more cocaine and done more heroin and all these things. And a bunch of these guys. All these guys. They're still alive and kicking, you know. Quality of life. It doesn't mean you'll do the same. Well, it's just, I just, I ask myself, I'm like, is it going to be the pork burrito that's going to do me in? It wasn't like this. My grandma lived to 95. She was the fattest woman in the world. The food was a lot healthier back then. Now it's just this mass produce. L.O.B. Get it out. Get it as cheap as you can, as much as you can. L.O.B. My grandma used to make refried beans with lard. Oh, yeah. Crisco. Lard. I'm sure the lard from just an animal that wasn't pumped full of chemicals back then is better than not using lard with a chemically enhanced animal. My grandparents made.
They ate fried eggs, bacon, and biscuits and coffee for breakfast for 75 years. The food's not made the way. 75 years. You know what they had for lunch? Chicken fried steak. You know what they had for dinner? Pork chops. I mean, I'm talking. Fried, I bet. Fried pork chops and fried potatoes. And, dude, they were skinny. They were healthy. They probably did an honest day's work. They did an honest day's work. That's true. Now, here's the thing, too. The animals are fed natural stuff. They taste better. I mean, I can do a taste test, and I know. Dude, Woodsy, I'd be with you. You know it, dude. I'm telling you, it tastes better. It does. I want to do this because if you put a hormone-fed pork chop in front of me and a non-hormone pork chop, I would have no idea. You guys love the counter, the burger place? Yeah, I love the counter. That's all same deal. Hormone-free, grain-fed. Want to know how you'd know? How? Track me on this. One of them will taste a little bit more pork choppy than the other one will. And the one that tastes more pork choppy is the healthier one. As they add stuff to it, it tastes less and less. Diluted. It's diluted. A tomato that is not organic.
doesn't taste as juicy and as tomato-y as an organic tomato. And I bet you could tell the difference. If we take something that you like, that stuff's supposed to taste better. I like pork chops. Yeah. I love me some pork chops. Write that down. Yeah. They say it's your birthday. Birthdays is where we call someone, an M1, and M1 is a Mikey Show listener, and we wake them up with an air horn. Oh, yeah. Kevin, please. Hi, Kevin. Who's there? It's Mikey. Oh, gosh. How you doing? Oh, man, just waking up, getting ready to go to work now. How old are you? The dirty 30. Yeah, boy. There you go, big 3-0. Bam. Yeah. Welcome to the club, my friend. All downhill, pal. No. All of it. Grace, you're your life. Yeah, 30's the new 20, right? That's right. Isn't it? Black is the new black. Yeah, it's true.
Hey, man. Well, thanks. You beat my alarm clock, so. What are you going to do? You're going to go out to dinner? You're going to go hang out with your girlfriend? What are you doing? After work, I'm going out to Viejas to have dinner with my family. Nice. And probably have a big party this weekend with all my friends. Look at you. Oh, yeah. I'll look for the invite on Facebook. There you go. No, no. No Facebook for me. All right. You don't do Facebook? No. You're the one. Yeah, you're the guy. You're the one. I love it. Cool. I love it. Hey. All right. Well, happy birthday to you, dude. All right. Thanks a lot, Mikey. All right. We'll see it. That made me laugh. That got my funny bum. It's old school. To say, hey, I like Facebook. It's cool. No, I mean, I like him. Oh. He's cool. I completely misunderstood you. That's all right. For a minute, I thought you were being awesome. Yeah. It turned out.
Turned out it was just being me. Fucking the system. I like it. A guy that's off Facebook is cool. Oh, boy, with this. It is. He can't be bothered with that junk. Yeah. He's old-fashioned. Just hanging out at a coffee shop. No, it's not that. It's a privately owned coffee shop. No, it's someone who actually is like, gosh, I'm not, like. Too much technology. I can't deal with it. I'll just call you up. Gosh. How'd that work out for that guy in Into the Wild? Well, that's the extreme. Says the girl with the iPhone. I'm not saying I'm cool. I'm saying I like a guy. She likes cool guys. Yeah. Cool guys. It's manly. Yeah. Oh, boy. It's very manly. I like old-fashioned guys. Yep. Getting rid of my Facebook right now. Getting rid of it right now. You're married. He would never. Get rid of it. No, he gets too much praise and adulation on that. You're the best, Jay. You're so handsome. God, you're beautiful. Such a good skater and surfer. Stop, stop. He's saying stop and he's giving us the answer. I need it. I have to have it. It's my drug. So the ladies that have written in and want to go out with Chris, they're really good catches. Oh, yeah. They're young and they're beautiful.
On Friday, we're going to have three of them in here. The listening audience, all you M1s, you'll get to see these girls. Chris will not. And he'll pick one. And the one that he picks is going out with all of us that night from the Mikey Show to be in a luxury skybox at Coe Park for the game. And so that will be Chris's first date. And I think it'll be really fun. Very cool. What if he marries this girl? What if? It'll be you guys. A couple weeks ago, we had an M1 in here. She met another M1, and they're dating now. How great is that? It's the greatest. Yes. I'll show you. It's awesome. Hey, M1 Sarah, I know, is married to an M1 that she met through the Mikey show. It's incredible. Yeah, there are babies that have been born as a result of the Mikey show. It's incredible. Great. So, yeah, get your baby making on. I will. Charlie Sheen Roast is coming up, which is a strange idea to me, but they feel it's a good idea. And so they're going to do the Charlie Sheen Roast. Here is one of the promos for it.
Comedy Central is going to roast Charlie Sheen? That's like trying to reason with a volcano. Like trying to duct tape the wind to the ground. It's like trying to catch a tsunami in a sippy cup. It's like clubbing a baby seal, too, because it's so easy. It seems... It's like slapping an old woman. It's like tripping blind guys. It's like feeding me more pizza. Burritos or quesadillas. We know that's a deal. Is it wrong to be competitive with your kids, not let them win at a game? Is that wrong? No. It isn't wrong? Nope. Did your dad do it? My dad has never let me win at anything. Really? Ever. My dad, M1 Hawk, man, I'd go play golf with that guy, and he is phenomenal. And he would school me. Basketball? School me. School me? Now, I wonder if it's...
If it's because he wants you to be better or if it's because he's just competitive and he can't do it. He's a competitive dude. Let me tell you that when I got my hole-in-one, I got a hole-in-one in, I don't know, 95 or 96. I'm not a good golfer, okay? I got a hole-in-one. I called him from the course. Yeah. He was furious. Oh, wow. He wasn't happy. Like, he wasn't like, oh, that's freaky. He'd never had one. And he's played a million rounds of golf. I'd played 15 and get one. And he was like, what do you mean? You got a hole in one. What hole? And I'm like, 17. He goes, well, what'd you hit? I hit a nine iron. And he goes, why are you yelling at me? Yeah, you're screaming. And he's like, well, how did that happen? Dad, why are you yelling at me? And he's, you know, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, are you not? Are you not happy for me? He goes, no, great. Okay, well, let's see when you get home. I mean, he was pissed. That's great. He'll call in and say he wasn't. He was. He was pissed. 570-1949. I want to hear from dads that are like, no, I'm not going to let my kid win. You know, I don't know. I have no idea. I haven't got there yet.
I think it just depends. Maybe some of the physical stuff, if you see that the kid's going to be good at something, don't let them win because you've got to challenge them to get better. But if you see they're not particularly excelled in an area, maybe throw them a bone every once in a while. It's a fine line, man. Has there ever not been a fight during Monopoly, by the way? I was just thinking. Or any board game. You could play any board game and you're going to be like, you know what? Screw this. I'm done. I'm done. You've got to keep it fun. When you're a kid. that's the deal. Like, you had to fight in Monopoly. Yeah. And you had to make, you had to demolish someone's character. That was part of it. Call them a cheater. Oh, yeah. Much like us when we play games here. Very much like us. Still the same. Still the same. I'm 36 and 30 years old over here. First time I played Monopoly with my BFMC, my commerce was like three years ago. Yeah. And we were, I guess, 27. His niece at the time was eight. And so I was doing things to let her advance. And he not only was not doing that, but then he was conspiring with her to help beat me and do stuff like that. And I was like, what are you doing? I was getting so mad. If the eight-year-old knows how to play Monopoly, I will...
literally put her lights out. Yeah, I'll slit her throat. If she knows what she's doing. If she doesn't, I'll be cool. But if she knows what's up, I will literally take Electric Avenue away. 100%. And you're done. I will bankrupt you. I will build so many freaking hotels that you can't even... You're going to be handing me your whole bankroll. I'll try to be Gordon Gekko. Absolutely. M1 Chad is on the line from San Diego. What's up, Chad? Hey, Mikey. What's up? I got a story just like Woods. I'm not a dad, but my dad is the same way. I just played in a golf tournament with him. Literally, we're on the same team trying to win money from other guys. And the guy's standing behind the hole while I'm putting, like two-foot putts, yelling at me while I'm trying to putt. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. I'm like, Dad. We're on the same team, man. Now, Chad, let me ask you, are you allowed to do that to dad? It's kind of funny because I don't. But then after about three years and at hole 17, when I'm kind of talking back to him, the other guys on the other team are like, I wish I could talk to my dad like that. I'm like, your dad probably doesn't yell at you while you're trying to putt and win money from you guys. It's true. Hey, thanks for the call, Chad. So Woods, what would happen?
And this is hypothetical. But what would happen or not what would happen? How would your dad take it if you were like, hey, dad, maybe come down here. I'll teach you a little bit of something. I can't. Now, I've sassed my dad plenty of times. We've been toe to toe plenty of times. But man, if I called him about golf, which is his it's his baseball to me. You know what I mean? Yeah. If if I called him and go. Yeah, come on down here. I'm going to show you how it's done. He would be so pissed off at me. It wouldn't even be a question. I don't know. I don't know what the term DTF means. Oh, boy, Mike. And I am DTF. Oh, my God. You're shocked. So you are whatever it is. Yes. So DTF means that you're something. Yeah, all of you guys are. We're all DTF? Mm-hmm. It's a... I have no idea what it is. And during break, I don't want you to tell me. Okay. But when we come back, Snooki teaches Jeff Bridges on The Tonight Show. Snooki! Snooki. It's Snooki. She wrote a book, remember? Yep. Snooki wrote a book. You might ask what's the book. Snooki!
She has a cool fan, little short boots, and really knows how to cook. We're Snooki. She writes about it in her book. So I'll play you the DTF, education, and we come back. Pop it in. Turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. Morning, Joe. Morning, Miss Thompson. One of these days, it's going to happen. Somebody's going to try to talk you out of boar's head. Joe, I'd like a half pound of that boar's head turkey. I got something for you, Mrs. T. It's a new turkey on special. It's not boar's head, Joe. Well, they tell me it's kind of like boar's head. It's not boar's head, Joe. It's almost boar's head. It's not boar's head. Do it for me, huh? What do you say? What do I say?
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With great beer comes great responsibility. This Friday, don't miss the last concert of the season at the Del Mar Friday Concert Series. Fitz and the Tantrums will be headlining the seaside stage west of the grandstands. Don't miss the final Friday show of the season. Fitz and the Tantrums, live at Del Mar. Your brakes are the most important safety feature on your vehicle. If your brakes squeal, steering wheel vibrates, or car pulls from side to side during braking, it may be time for new brakes. At O'Reilly Auto Parts, we have the replacement brake parts you need in stock. From brake pads and shoes to drums and rotors, O'Reilly has the necessary hardware made specifically for your car or truck, all at guaranteed low prices. Right now at O'Reilly Auto Parts, you can save up to $30 on any combination of Wagner ThermoQuiet brake pads or shoes. Wagner ThermoQuiet parts are specifically engineered to deliver improved performance, longer life, and safer operation. Make the smart choice with Wagner Thermo Quiet and save up to $30 after manufacturer's mail-in rebate. Keep your vehicle on the road and your family safe with new brakes from O'Reilly Auto Parts. Better parts, bests every day. Grab the grill and grab your favorite beverage. Your Labor Day celebration starts at Vons with long weekend daily deals every day from now through Labor Day. Today's daily deal, ground beef and buns. Today only with Vons Club.
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This report brought to you by Burger King. Go to a Burger King. Try a delicious croissant, which paired with Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, scrambled eggs, American cheese, your choice of sausage, bacon or ham at participating restaurants. National City thinks slippery here on the 805 southbound ramp to looks like to Sweetwater Road. It's very slippery. There's oil on the off ramp. Signal alert issued here in Valley Center, Valley Center Road at Thundernut Lane due to fallen trees and the 805 northbound between 47th Street and El Cajon Boulevard. Very slow. This report also brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Better service, lower rates, dependable coverage for your auto home or your condo. Call 877-Wawanisa or go to wawanisaus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Nobody freaks out about guns and stuff. I don't freak out about them because my brother, I grew up around them. My brother had them the whole time I was growing up, so I don't freak out about guns. I like them. Woods. I flooded an entire Hampton Inn. Lauren. I used to be really into the Grateful Dead. Fantastic. And like the knob chomp of. I and Jay. I don't want to miss somebody calling this like, hey, let's go surf. Or let's go do something. Oh, Jay, shut up. This is the Mikey Show. Can you believe it? On FM 94.9. Antarctica. Bigs.
Basically made huge waves. Going to be massive rip currents here in North County. And that will be from tomorrow through Labor Day weekend. Surf is supposed to be from the 5 to 8 foot range. Some sets could reach 10 feet. Yeah! It's a good week to die, I guess. I'm going. Hey, can I just say this? You tell me if I'm wrong, Jay, but I'm guessing if you're going to be in the water, know what you're doing. Be experienced. Be experienced. Now, I'm not experienced, but I'm going. It's not wise. I got a year and a half under my belt. I need to be out there. My Miyagi teacher told me that I need to be out there when it's big. And I go, okay, I'm going. It'll humble you. Yes, I'm excited, man. All right. Probably have to have somebody fill in on Friday because I probably won't be here. That's probably true. We got the snooky thing here in just a minute. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, I got to tell you about some Chargers news. But first, I wanted to tell you that sports today is brought to us by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Oh, yeah. So the Chargers had to get their roster down to 80 yesterday, and they cut 10 players, now one name.
You will recognize, and it is David Benn. He was the long snapper. He's the longest gone. Longest tenured player in team history. Why did that make Jay laugh? He's giggling like a schoolgirl. He's the long snapper. In other news, Chargers received, they got another extension to sell tickets for tomorrow night's game against the 49ers. They need to sell about 2,100 general admission tickets. in order for us to be able to see the game and it not be blacked out. It's Chargers-Niners tomorrow night. It's the final preseason game. Made news when Hurricane Irene was coming through that the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, told people to, quote, get the hell off the beach. And so, as can be expected, that message has been auto-tuned. And you'll hear it in just a minute. But first...
Snooki from the TV show The Jersey Shore was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Jeff Bridges was on The Tonight Show the same night, and so she was teaching him about DTF. Don't know what it is. You know, when I found my real scent for the perfume, you know, I wanted it flirty and bubbly, like my personality, and obviously, you know, something DTF. DTF. Yes. That is. You know. DTF. I thought that was outlawed. Didn't that kill the birds when they sprayed it on the... That's something else. That's a whole different thing. I don't know what you're talking about. Jeff seems confused by all of this. You know what DTF is? You say you watch the show? Yeah. No, no. Tell me. Oh, God. Tell me, dear. You can say it. Can't you say it? Can I say it? Yeah, go ahead. Really? Sure. I'm going to get in trouble now. How do you use that in a sentence? Did she say down to? Yes. Well, wait a second. Now, does she say that about herself? She says she's DDT. I'm DTF tonight. Wait a minute. Does she have a boyfriend? No. You mean she just is like random? No, I'm sorry. Now she does. But in this show, she never does. She would like just hook up with people? She'd be like, I'm going to go out tonight. I'm going to put my poof up because I'm totally DTF. Crazy horny. And would she actually? Sometimes she would. Really? Who would with her? Who would?
You'd be surprised. Sometimes she would smush. She would go in a smush room. Because they're all roommates. They all sleep in like twin beds with at least two per room, but usually like three people per room. So they have one room that has like a full-size bed, double bed. And if you're going to smush with someone, sometimes you have to like reserve the smush room. Now, have her parents passed away? Is that the deal? No, her dad is in full support of her. Yeah, making money. I don't care what she does. She's a freaking princess. What's the matter? Yeah, she's down to F. Yeah, it's no big deal. How do you think she got here? You know what she sent me last year? A freaking Bronco. A Ford Bronco. Yeah. On her. Say a couple of Hail Marys. Yeah, she's fine. Hey, listen, you want to make fun of it, I'm driving a Ford Bronco. Brand new. Brand new. Even though they haven't made them in years, I got a new one. My daughter is morally casual. It's no big deal. So what? Like what? Like you ain't? Gosh darn. The guys on the show, they'd go looking for girls every time they went out, and they would quickly move on from a girl if they could tell she wasn't DTF. Makes sense. That's standard. That's called college. It's called intelligence. Except they're like 30. Yeah.
That's hideous. She's on Jay Leno. That girl is on Jay Leno. For what? Well let's listen. Great. Did you lose some weight? You looked like you lost some weight. Yeah, I tried, you know. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. Okay. So how'd you lose it? What'd you do? Pretty much, you know, motivation, going to the gym and watching what you drink, obviously. Okay. Alcohol. Okay, right there, it doesn't seem like the diet would go out the window, no? No, well, it sucks, but, like, no margaritas in Long Island. When you drink, it has to be, like, straight vodka. Oh, straight vodka. Like, what's a margarita? Margarita is what you have if you go out with your friend Melissa or Sabrina. What about Angela? Angela! Angela! Oh, chicken, chicken, yeah! Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey, telling people to get the hell off the beach. And it's been auto-tuned.
Get the hell off the beach in Asbury Park and get out. You're done. It's 4.30. You've maximized your tan. Get off. I saw some of these news feeds that I'm watching upstairs of people sitting on the beach in Asbury Park. Get the hell off the beach in Asbury Park and get out. You're done. 4.30, you've maximized your tan. Get off. I saw some of these news feeds that I'm watching upstairs of people sitting on the beach in Asbury Park. Get the hell off the beach in Asbury Park and get out. You're done. It's 4.30, you've maximized your tan. Get off the beach. Get in your covers and get out of those areas. Out of those areas. This is hysterical. That's great. Asbury Park, that's where the boss is from. There you go. Let's see. I brought my guitar in. Sure did. Looks almost brand new. Untouched. Yeah. Still in the case. Does it take any opportunity to just get after me? New hobby of yours, right? You just say untouched. Yeah. It's not untouched. How are the lessons going? I know. I just touched it.
Hey, I can't make it to every lesson. That is a beauteous instrument. It's a beautiful Taylor guitar. Weren't your lessons at your house, though? No. Oh, they weren't? No. Oh, I thought that your guy came over to teach you. No, he did not. He never has? No. He never has. Okay. So beautiful. Color me embarrassed. Rich. It's so rich. It smells so good. Let's hear you play. Woods is actually going to be... What are you doing? Just drilling a little drop D for you. You going to play that at your gig? I don't know. Maybe. What are you going to play at your gig? What has a gig? When is your gig? The gig that it's not just me. It's my brother-in-law too, Ryan Honeycutt, who's really good. He's a singer-songwriter. It is September 16th. It is from 6 to 9 at Bootlegger, which is downtown. It's a new bar. It's incredible. Phenomenal food. All M1s.
Everybody's invited. Come down. Yeah, man. You don't have to pay anything. Just buy a bunch of drinks, have fun, get a bunch of food. It's good. And we'll all be there. Yeah. Except for L.O.B. Yeah, she hates me. No. Well, you know. I may be there. It's up to my friend that's in town if she wants to go. Oh. I have a friend coming in town, too. Maybe there's a love connection. No, she's getting married. She's not married yet. That's the creepiest thing. So a fling. That I've ever heard. One last bullet in the chamber. No. She's not like that. She's not morally casual. I'm going to play a bunch of stuff. I don't know what I'm going to play. I'm going to play Snow Patrol. I'm going to play some... Probably some Matthew Ryan. There's a good song by him that I'm going to play. Yeah, he's really good. Oh, what about Johnny... T-Bone Smith. John Christopher. Yeah, what about... Who's that? What about Mark Matthews? Glenn Roberts. Who's that? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Right, who's that? This guy's the actual guy. What about Nathan Williams? I don't know who that is. I don't either. Yeah, most people don't. Why don't you play the hits? That's a good question. Is it going to be anything we know? Because I don't like going to shows if I don't know. Well, L-O-B. Don't know. Don't really care, but... Woods does. Woods. I just play what I want. What?
Well, why would you play in public if you're going to play that in your bathroom? Well, I do. You should. Yeah, yeah. Because I haven't played live in a long time and I want to because it's a fun thing I like to do. I like to play live. Maybe I turn some people on to some new stuff, much like when you go speak. Sprinkle in the new stuff. Well, no, that's different. Why is it different? Well, I'll explain. When I go speak, people aren't expecting something they've already... You know, like I'm not a performer. Aren't you, in fact, a performer? Aren't you Mikey from the radio? Not when I go speak. You're not Mikey from the radio when you go speak. You're Michael Esparza? Yes. Well, I'm a DJ. They know me as a DJ. I also am a DJ. But I'm not performing. I know you're not performing, but you're up giving your speech, but you're speaking. Exactly. You don't think that people go see you because you're Mikey. In fact, that's a great point, Woods. In fact, when they go to see me speak, the point of it is that they're going to hear something they haven't heard. That's the point. They're coming to mind, and they're also going to hear something that they haven't heard. Yes. Now, are you going to play...
Ryan Adams music. I'm not going to play Ryan Adams, but I'm going to play Whiskey Town, which was his first band. There's a song I really like. It's called Turn Around. It's really good. Turn Around? Yeah. It's a really good song. So I know that one. So people will, the point there being that people will not be able to sing along and that'll be the fun part. Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing dueling pianos. I'm not a karaoke performer either. I just like to play what I like to play. And you can go and you can like it or not. Now when you say karaoke performer, you mean like covers. No, I do covers. Well, then aren't you doing karaoke? No. Because I don't do, I'm not up there to play hits. It's just karaoke you like. I'm not Pat Sajak. Yes, it is karaoke. I'm not Casey Kasem. I don't do the hits. He is doing karaoke, but just his songs that he likes. Personal karaoke. Yeah, okay. That's fine. I'll take that. In other words, if you look up self-indulgence. There it is. When you guys play your gig, are you guys going to play the hits, you and Jay? Well, if I played guitar. You would do. Everlong. Yeah. I can play it. I just don't really want to. Let me hear it.
If he did that at a club, if Woods did that at a club, and he plays so good, he's good. He's sabotaging himself on purpose. How to do that. What about... Give me some songs. What about Alice in Chains' Nutshell? You know, I thought about that, and I like to play that song and sing it. It may be a little depressing. But then people would enjoy it. I'm not doing it to be a D. You know what? Honestly, from the bottom of my heart. Can you play a little bit of Nutshell? Yeah. Oh, they would flip out. Yeah. They would flip out. It's so predictable, though. Oh, my God. Predictable? I want to play like. What do you mean predictable? Okay. It's like I like to play. I've always, like I've said a million times, I've gravitated towards artists that I can emulate.
And I can sound like, right? Right. Like, uh, like Staley, like from Alison James. Sure. Well, if you went on stage, like, let's say you were doing standup or you LAB. And I was like, Hey, you know what? You know, who's really funny in the news? Uh, Maury Povich, you got to do him. And you're like, but I don't do him that well. And I'm like, but that's, he's in the news. That's what I want to hear. And you don't do it that well. Like, I don't know a lot of hits. Foo Fighters, great. You do Alice in Chains, great. You sounded great, Woods. I want to know what M1s think. You know, it's not so much my playing, it's my singing that makes me nervous. Do M1s want to hear Woods play stuff they know? People like to make requests. I don't do that, though. I'm not that good. The difference between comedy and music is with comedy, once you tell the joke once, it's like the punchline's out. People don't really request jokes. They don't want to hear it again. I get what you guys are saying. They have a favorite song. They're like, oh, I love this song. I get what you guys are saying, but there is something in, like if I went up and I played, if I played this song by Snow Patrol called, what just happened to me? I don't know. I don't know. Something just happened in my ears. If I went up and played this song by Snow Patrol, I think people would like it. And a few people may know it, but I think they would really enjoy it. By a few people, 10, 15. You know, it was a minor hit on the radio. I think that.
sprinkling those in. I mean, it's like when you go see an original singer-songwriter. Like Ryan. You're like, oh, I'm not going to know any of those songs, but I'm going to appreciate them. But even the original singer-songwriter's got to keep people happy with covers that they know. Well, can we pretend that the songs that you don't know, just pretend that I wrote them? Will that make it better in your head? Why don't I just write them then? Why don't you just come up with a original? Because it's not that easy. I've tried, man. Maybe you talk me into it that way. Maybe if I pretend that you wrote it. Because you're going to stick around and watch Ryan play, right? Yeah. And he's freaking phenomenal, and you won't know one song, but you will be captivated because he's good. I'd be captivated by you. Because you also think in your head, that person came up with that. That's true. That's true. But if you don't know the song, you can think that about me. M1 Sanjaya is on the phone. Mike, who's this? It's Mike, Jay, and I can hear you. Go ahead, Sanjaya. Hey, what's up, man? What up? I just say that I think it should play songs that people do know because, like, what if its voice goes out or it's just horrible and we can help him sing along, you know? That's not going to happen. That's never happened. Well, but how about, you know, just the fact that people do like to hear stuff? Yeah, fine. I'll do Margaritaville. That'll be great. And then you guys can all go, salt!
Salt. Where's the F in salt? That'll be awesome. Well, that'll be rad. No, that makes me want to blow my head off. Well, Woods makes a great point. I think all of us were hoping for Margaritaville. Well, I know you were. You're sitting there in a Hawaiian shirt as we speak. Here, fine. I don't like it. I don't want that. Hey, what's up? Hey. I don't like that. Yeah, it sounds like crap. What about Sweet Caroline? I know you're a fan. Oh, how? Oh, wait. How dare you? I stepped on that. Freebird. How dare you? Stairway to heaven. How dare you, Mike? I can't play that song a lick. Be great. I don't like to play songs. I want to turn you on to some new stuff. M1 Jake's teacher's on the line. Are you there, Jake's teacher? Good.
I'm totally with you, Woods. Thank you so much. Gosh darn, it's nice to hear. I go out and I perform sometimes, and you have to be comfortable with what you're doing. So much. Well, happy birthday. Not happy birthday, man. I just want to party with my friends and play you some music. I want to try to entertain you. I don't want to, you know, I'm not trying to sell records, man. I just want to play. Entertain me with songs I've never heard before? Yeah. And you may hear the song and go, gosh, darn, that's good. Woodsy does that really good. I want to check that guy out. I think that's definitely true. I just think a good mix. Oh, I will have a mix. And some of the bands you'll know, you may not, there's maybe some of the deeper cuts from those bands. Oh, my gosh. So not only does he play bands I've never heard of, like Whiskey Town, he plays the deep cuts from Whiskey Town. No, no, no. Well, those will obviously be deep cuts to you, but I'll play maybe some Pearl Jam, but I'm not going to get up there and go. Oh, great. Oh, no, because that would be too enjoyable. Right. Yeah. So you'll play. He's like, I'm going to play Pearl Jam, but I'm going to play a song that they did called.
sticky fingers that you've never heard. You might hear a song called Release. You might hear a song called Long Road. Great. And Mike. Yes. There isn't been covering songs. Yeah. Well, I didn't say the karaoke thing. Woods did. Okay. When I asked Woods to play songs that we know, he goes, yeah, I'm just going to sit up there and do some karaoke bands. Identical Woods, by the way. It's identical Woods. Karaoke is, you try to sing it exactly like the person singing. Right. And covering is you're doing it in your own style. Thank you. Thank you, Jake's teacher. At least in a nutshell. I will admit something to you, though. This is 1,000% self-indulgent. It is. I want to play live again. Happy. Yeah, I want to play live again. I used to play live every Tuesday in Dallas. I miss it so much, and I want to play live. And that's it. Listen, Ryan could do the full three hours in his sleep. I'm taking an hour because I want it. It's my buddy that owns the bar. Feast, I want to play. That's it. Sorry. I'll get a greatest hit together for you. And maybe I'll do The Joker by Steve Miller. How about that? I don't want The Joker by Steve Miller. How about Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews? That's never been done in a bar before. I have a question for you. 570-1949. What if you ever laughed about...
That you were embarrassed because you couldn't stop laughing. Like, the appropriate laughter time has passed and you just, you can't stop. It's almost like the giggles, you know? Like, you can't. You're done. You're done. 570-1949. I want to hear what that moment was for you. Heard on the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. 570-1949. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. More from the Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. He holds a shell up to his ear. He hears adult contemporary hits of the 90s. His monkey business is the official business he conducts with primates. The dinner he made last night was delicious. Ask anyone. Even if he was the only person left on Earth, mankind would still have a chance.
He finds squirrels untrustworthy. If he were to say, it's not you, it's me, he'd be lying. He figure skates, and it is glorious. Most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty, my friend. Hey, this is Jay with the Mikey Show. Join me this Thursday from noon to one at the Wave House in Mission Beach for the League of Most Interesting Challenges. Go head-to-head with me for a chance to win tickets to see Ben Harper.
At the Del Mar Racetrack. Plus, you can register to win tickets to see Arctic Monkeys with TV on the radio, Thievery Corporation, The Kills, Portugal Demand, CDs, t-shirts, and more. All the info is at FM949SD.com. That's this Thursday, noon to one, the Wave House in Mission Beach. The League of Most Interesting Challenges. So now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Labor Day, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $299 a month plus tax. That's right, a new 2011 328i sedan for just $299 a month. or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above-average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance, you'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328i for only $299 a month during the ultimate performance event.
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Coming Thursdays to NBC. Hey, it's Mikey for Sunglass and Optical Warehouse. Everyone thinks shades when you hear that, but a lot of people don't think of the optical part. I'm talking about prescriptions with a lot of different frames to choose from and three easy locations. Sports Arena. It's right behind the Sports Arena. Just drive down Hancock, veer to the right, on to Kurtz. They're also in Kearney Mesa at the corner of Balboa and Convoy and also the La Jolla Village Square Shopping Center in La Jolla. It is the easiest place to get your stuff done. As long as the sun keeps shining. Online. at sunglassoptical.com. Hi, this is LOB for Ovation Cell Therapy. A couple weeks ago, you may have heard me talk about the new advanced formula. I didn't really know what was new about it. I just knew the bottle said advanced formula and that it seemed that my hair was better than it was, but I really didn't know why. So I took to the internet and I went to the ovationhair.com website and I started to read about what was different about it. They've removed all sulfates and parabens. Not only is that just good for everybody, but particularly for anyone that's had any...
sort of color treatment or something like a Brazilian blowout. And I don't know if you remember I said that my hair was softer from the cream rinse. I really didn't know what they did. I just knew that it was... like silky smooth. They've added five new moisturizers that are going to smooth and fortify your hair. It's 100% guaranteed. So if you give it a try, it's risk-free. They're going to give you 100% money-back guarantee. So go to OvationHair.com, enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. Love the thrill of a major find? You're in luck. Bloomingdale's Big Brown Bag Sale starts tomorrow with serious savings on so many must-haves. The big deals? An extra 40% off our great mix of permanently reduced women's fashions for a total savings of 50% to 75%. Save 50% on a lovely selection of fine jewelry and 25% to 30% on a selection of essential fall shoes. Get deals for him too. 25% to 65% savings on a selection of suits, sport coats, trousers, dress shirts, ties, and more.
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All right, we've got some problems here in Valley Center. It's a huge tree. They do have a sig alert issued. It's a big tree blocking lanes. The number one lane is open, but that tree is like two feet around and 45 feet long, so they have to cut it. National City, it's slippery on the 805 southbound ramp to Sweetwater Road because there's oil on the off-ramp. And the 94 eastbound before the 15, there's a car that went down the embankment. CHP's on the scene as well as a tow truck. This report brought to you by Wawanese Insurance. Better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage for your auto home or your car. Call 877-Wawanesa or go to wawanesaus.com. Rate shopping. It can pay off. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird's Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Wednesday morning being brought to you by Frost Brewed Coors Light. It's how San Diego breaks. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Under partly cloudy skies right now with some clearing expected. We're starting to see the forerunners of some extreme south-southwest pretty swell direction. Really, really long intervals, so it's a long wait between those set waves when they come through and not a whole lot of size yet. But it does foretell the future to come. Along with that swell, we're seeing some local west-northwest wind swell and some old southwest swell. So you'll be finding waves running in that needlewaste chest-high zone on average with those occasional plus sets slowly filling in throughout the day. Low tide at dawn this morning.
Kind of hindering most areas, and there's kind of a funky southwest wind on it, too. The beach is a bit walled up. They can choose corners there, cleaner by the structured zones where the area is more protected from the southerly wind direction. And then the reef breaks have some pop-up peaks, too. So as the day continues looking for some improvement, we are expecting some sunshine to filter in as well. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surfline.com and follow your surfboard repair and restoration needs. The only one to see is Joe Roper right down on Marina Boulevard, four blocks north of the Bird's Sur Shed. The Authentic Surf Report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Wow, I hate to get up in the morning. And now back to the Mikey Show. Oh, yeah. Mike. Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Yeah, that's it. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Lay me down in the tall grass. And let me do my stuff. Words of wisdom. There's a lot of wisdom. You get all itchy. You know what I mean? You lay in the grass. I don't like the grass. I don't either. With a blanket. Yeah. Why didn't you say that? But it's tall grass. Yeah. Well, you push it all down. So it hides to the public what you're doing. Yeah, you know what they didn't tell you? They were getting crabs and lice. Right. Maybe you get a bed. Yeah. Maybe go to a motel. Go to a motel. Nah, it's more fun outside. You can lay me down in the tall grass.
More bugs in the hotel. More bugs in the grass. Yes. I can honestly say I've never made love outside. Oh my gosh. What's wrong with you? Of course you have, Jay. And old Woodstock over here. There may or may not have been a deer watching one time. I said there may or may not have been a deer watching one time. You creative sex pervert. I didn't know until afterwards, and then we just had a showdown. A showdown. Guess who stayed for the whole show? Down. She's a rodeo cowboy. She just is out of control. Out of control. Freaking bull rider over here. She's like, yeah. I'm sitting there on the landscape, just looking out. Looking out at a deer. Watching me. She's making me horny.
What have you ever laughed about where you were embarrassed? You were laughing so hard you were embarrassed because you couldn't stop. For me, it was the scene in Pulp Fiction where Christopher Walken is talking to the little boy that is... Whose character? Butch. Yeah, Butch. It was Bruce Willis' character as a little boy. And Christopher Walken... goes through this long explanation about how he knew this boy's father. Classic. And at the very end of it, he talks about how he brought back this very special watch for this little boy. It was a pocket watch. And he had to smuggle it. And the only place he could smuggle it is A. And I remember...
He said that. And it caught me so by surprise and so off guard, which is my favorite humor. Humor I don't see coming gets me. And I laughed. So it was a violent laugh, you know, and I laughed so violently. And that scene was 10 minutes over. And I was and I would remember it and laugh. And it was embarrassing. I could not stop. I couldn't stop. A friend of mine one time, we had just come out of seeing the movie Mallrats. And it was a terrible movie. Turd. I loved it. You're the one. It's not. Not just me. So we walked out at Mallrats and both of us thought it was terrible. And this was in my young, immature days. I was about 23 or something.
And I was very immature. And I ran out of the movie theater into the hallway. And my friend was watching me. And there was a young couple about our age. They were walking in the hallway. And I ran up to them. And you've got to imagine me, you know, short, chubby guy. Running? Running is funny already. It's funny because I'm running. Weird. Seriously. I've never seen that. And I ran up to this. Random couple. And I made this noise with my mouth. I wasn't even real. I did it with my mouth. I raised a leg next to them and I went. And I kept running. And I did it with my mouth. I went. My friend laughed so hard and so violently and so long. Literally tears pouring. Pouring down his face in laughter. Because it was so silly and it was so off the wall and unexpected. And the strangers didn't know what to make of it. They thought I was a lunatic. They knew. They knew. They knew I was a lunatic. By the way, M1 Dusty from San Diego, what was the word of the day? That's right. Yeah. Dude, you just won a four-pack of tickets to the Chargers and the Niners. Bam. Congrats. Hang on, okay? All right, so let's see what people got.
M1 Mr. Cool from Carlsbad. Yeah. What happened that made you laugh so hard you couldn't regain control? Well, it was during church one night, actually. We had about a half hour left. Me and my 10-year-old son, we decided that we were going to sit up in the front this time. We had about a half hour left of all the talks. And all of a sudden, there was... A two-year-old, and he made a beeline for the stage. And he was yelling out like he was an Indian. And he ran up, and he sat on the stage, and his mom was chasing after him. And me and my 10-year-old. Everybody laughed. Everybody laughed. But we... We were up in the front, so it was even worse, and we couldn't stop laughing. Even when we got in the car, we were driving home. Buddy, your boy make a big night playing in the state. Gonna be a big man someday. You got mud on your face. Yeah, maybe. You never can tell. You never do nothing. You never know. We will, we will rock you. Singing. We will, we will rock you. Buddy, a young man, hard man in the state. Gonna take on the work someday you got.
Blood on your face, you big disgrace. Yeah. Waving your banner all over the place. Over. We will, we will rock you. We will, we will rock you. Thank you for the call. M1, Mama Nikki from Escondido. Hey, guys. Hi. Okay, so my husband goes to seminary, Westminster Seminary. And we are sitting in, I don't know if he... Very boring lectures and all that kind of stuff. We're at a graduation ceremony, and it starts to sound like a lecture. So I have no idea what they're even talking about. It sounds like a different language, right? But there's wives with us. And so all of a sudden, the guy tells a joke, and all the seminary students start laughing hysterically. And to us, it sounded like, what? He just told a joke?
After the joke was over, all the wives, I started it. But we all started giggling and couldn't regain, so a whole row of us wives are laughing hysterically, and it's back to being serious again. Oh, boy. Here we are in the back row laughing so hard, and we could not regain it. I had to get up on you because I embarrassed myself. Thank you very much. It's Mama Nikki. I got a good one. Go ahead, Woodsy. Well, there was a story that was told to me once that when I heard it, I didn't know whether to be shocked or amused. I went with amused. I went with amused so hard that I cried. What was it? My friend, Bark Malman, went to Hawaii with one of his good friends. And the parents said, well, guys, we're going to go to Pearl Harbor today. So I want you to be mature. They're probably in 10th grade. Okay. And be mature. This is a very somber place, and it's a very special place in the hearts of Americans. Yeah, 15-year-olds. So they go there. And if you've ever been, there's a rail. And you look down, you can actually see ships down below. That's right. And they're sitting there. The Arizona. The Arizona. Arms leaned up on the rail. And they're looking down. And they look over to their right. And there's a group of Asian people. And they're laughing. And they're taking pictures. And, you know, they're speaking. And they're native. And they're native tongues. They're speaking Asian. What do you mean? Japanese. Okay, sure. And they're laughing. And they're just, you know.
So my friend. It offended him. My friend's friend. Mark Malman's friend got so offended that he looked over at them and he took his hand and he swept it as if to sweep it down towards the water and he said, look what you did. Look what you did. Oh my gosh. Dude. Oh my gosh. I almost fell. I laughed. It's so hard. Oh, my gosh. I couldn't believe that a human. Oh, my gosh. That a human would do that. And they looked at him like he was a nutbag. He was a nutbag. But he looked and he goes, and he was so worked up and patriotic. And he thought he was doing the right patriotic. And he got caught up. And it is a beautiful place. And he looked, look what you did. Look what you did. Look what you did. Dude, it's my favorite story I've ever heard.
Turns out they're Filipino and Sacramento. Exactly. Oh, my God. My favorites was Rebecca. My wife, Rebecca, who is, as you guys know, very proper. Demure. You know. Classy. Classy. Does the right thing. Does the right thing. And when we were buying our home, we were in the model home. And if there are people listening to the Mikey Show and you've been listening for any length of time, you may know this story. But we were in the model home doing the final paperwork to get our home. And the woman that was helping us out was an older woman. She was in her late 50s. And she was very well put together.
Extremely, extremely professional and dressed to the nines. High heels, very professional business suit. Very, very, you could tell, expensive makeup and hair and everything. Classed up. Classed up, man. And she's sitting at the table and she's doing all the stuff with us. Rebecca's to my left. Well, the woman had to get up with a... And you know, when you get a home, the stack of papers is so... I mean, it's like a book of papers. And she had to run out of the room and go grab something. And there was a fax machine. And the fax machine had the phone cord run across the desk and into the wall.
into the socket. Well, this poor woman tripped on the cord. And it was the most ungraceful fall. There was nothing about this fall that was papers. And I'm not kidding you. The papers literally everywhere flew up in the air. And this woman She came crashing down in a way that when she finally was on the carpet, she looked like a police, you know, outline sketch, you know, just arms in disarray, legs bent in an odd direction. She wasn't hurt. She was just and her hair now is a complete mess. And when it happened, my reaction.
instantly was to go, oh my goodness. Like, oh my goodness. Well, Rebecca burst out laughing. Which is really unusual for her. It is so out of character. And the woman's name was Jan. And I ran over and I said, are you okay? Are you okay? And she was beet red and she said, Yes, I must have tripped over the cord. And Rebecca's... I mean, just dying laughing. And I haven't acknowledged her. But I'm thinking in the back of my head, oh, man, babe, that's so odd for you. For you. A, that's odd for you. And then B, I'm in this very odd position of thinking to myself, Man, I hope you stop doing that. Please stop. You're embarrassing our family. Which is so out of character for me to ever be in a position where I'm thinking, oh, don't embarrass me. So Jan gets up and she straightens out her skirt.
And has to literally and and because Rebecca's laughing, she's sort of trying to herself, you know, even though you can tell she's thinking that is a little inappropriate. Yeah, it's fake as it gets her uncomfortable. Yeah. And so she leaves the room. And when when Rebecca is sure that she's out of earshot, Rebecca, her laughter comes like Niagara Falls. She is. dying of hysterics and i say to her hey get it out of your system i said because she's coming back and so rebecca's trying to get it out of her system and so all right the woman comes back into the room and you know rebecca adult regains her composure now i now have a choice oh the choice is is that i can get her going again And it's instant to get her going again. Or we can proceed through this situation professionally. Amicably. Amicably and with no more thought about what happened. It's over. And I chose the former. Yes. Clearly. And so while Jan was looking down at her papers for a moment.
I looked to my left at Rebecca and made a face like, and that's all it took. And she, oh, she was. Oh my God, Mike. And this woman looked up, almost surprised. And Rebecca went, hun, you know, like trying to scold me like hun. But you could tell she was embarrassed. And I go, this was the worst. I go, Jan. I am so, so sorry. You are so good at that bit. You can keep a straight face and do that bit. It's the greatest. Absolutely. And Rebecca, she gave me the look like, oh, that's so mean. Because she knew she couldn't stop at that point. And so she would finally stop. Rebecca would finally get it under control. And I would go, Boom. She's off again. Oh, my God. Finally, this lady. Finally, this lady goes, OK. Oh, my gosh. And you could tell when she did that, you could tell Rebecca wanted to die. But she was past the point of no return. It was fight or flight. And she was done. She was spun out. And she was so upset because I wouldn't stop getting her going and then going.
Again, Jan. Again. I can't tell you how embarrassed I am that my wife is doing this. I'm so sorry. I'm mortified. I don't know what's wrong with her. I don't know, and I am so sorry. So genius. I would have done anything to be in that room. To see the whole thing. I'm telling you, to this day, that story makes Rebecca beat red. Oh, she's calling. Oh, nice. Hey, honey, can you hold on to the break? Oh, yeah. All right, we'll talk to you when we come out. We will also play That's a True Statement, and we've got some stuff that has to do with Chaz Bono.
Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world on a tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy. On FM 94.9. If you have internet, you want lightning fast internet. Nobody ever says to themselves, boy, I wish my internet were slower. No one has ever said to themselves, I really like this internet that I have, but it would serve me a lot better. If it just slowed down, everyone wants faster internet. And that's why I'm suggesting AT&T. It's all the speed you need at a great price. $14.95 a month, 12 months, a one-year term with that. It is absolutely fantastic. I'm talking about a one-year price guarantee. And that, by the way, includes the on-the-go access. So you get the whole network. The whole AT&T national Wi-Fi network. No extra charge. 24,000 hotspots everywhere. Just call 877-only-ATT. Go online to att.com slash possible or go on to one of their retail stores. Price for three meg service. $10 per 50 gigabytes for DSL usage over 150 gigabytes a month. Local access line required. After 12 months, standard internet rates apply. Offer expires November 5th, 2011.
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Filth, as filthy as it can get. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. This guy, Alberto Luis Alvarez, in Illinois, has been arrested for the 98th time. What? He was going door to door asking for money while pushing a baby in a stroller. And got busted. For what? Well, he tried to throw plastic baggies away from his pockets when the police came to try to shoo him away. Yeah. And he didn't get very far before they got him again. And apparently he had nine fake names on him at the time and a handful of social security numbers. Very good.
That didn't work out good for him. Not at all. What's going on in sports? There's an update, Mike, in the story about the University of Miami. Now, a lot of players have taken some improper benefits from a gentleman named Nevin Shapiro. So here's what we know so far. Ja'Cory Harris, who's the starting quarterback, and four other players will sit out one game and make restitution. Ray Ray Armstrong and Dairon Dye will both sit out four games. And Oliver Vernon will sit out six games. The reason theirs is more than the starting quarterbacks, they took benefits during the recruitment process. So more stuff to follow on this case for sure. Also, I thought this was a pretty interesting story. Jeremy Shockey, NFL tight end, saved his teammate's life yesterday. He saved him from choking on a piece of pork tenderloin. Gave him the Heimlich. Gave him the Heimlich. Saved his life. Yes, I choke on pork tenderloin. Got to chew them. We're going to be playing That's a True Statement in just a moment. And also you'll be hearing all about Chaz Bono. But first, my wife is on the line because I was telling the story about her inappropriate laughter when a woman fell down in front of her. Monster. I know. And you know what's so embarrassing to admit is that when he's telling the story, I was laughing. Again. All I could see is just the visual in my head. And it just...
I don't know. That was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. No matter what, I just, I couldn't, I couldn't stop. I couldn't get it under control. No matter what I said. Hands flying in the air. The woman's hands flew in the air. She came off her feet. Papers laid out all over the carpet. And I had to help her collect the papers, you know? And Rebecca's laughing. Oh, yeah. Hysterically. Hysterically. Do you remember when I got Rebecca at Pample Moose the one night that she was laughing? Oh, yeah. And it was something so inappropriate that I can't talk about it. She was, number one, mad at herself for laughing. She had to hold the menu up over her face so she wouldn't look at me. And when you get her, she's gotten me. I remember Mikey staring you down, though. You're like, honey. Oh, yeah. Well, I know that she was a glass of wine down. Yeah. And at Pamplemousse, they give you a nice glass of wine. Yeah, full glass. A full glass of wine. And I got her so good. Do you remember what it was? It was fat. It was fat jokes. Oh, my gosh. It got her so good.
So bad. And she didn't want to laugh at all. And she was looking at me like, you S.O.B. Yeah. That menu was over her face. Yeah. Remember that? That was bad. It was totally inappropriate. I am so inappropriate. I'm so mad at myself for laughing at that. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. All right, honey. I love you. Hello? Two meltdowns at the same time yesterday with those two. The twins? Yeah, just melting down at the same time. Screaming. How's that? Oh, it's so soothing. So soothing, you just take a nap to it as they scream and cry with their faces red and their fists clenched. You should, like, capture that audio and then give it to us for our sound machine. For sure, yeah. And little veins popping out of their, and just screaming and gritting their teeth. What was it about? Do you know? Yeah. It's hysterical. It's not hysterical. That's an overreaction. Rebecca, they're at this really strange stage right now where they love bubbles, but they don't want Rebecca to blow the bubbles. They want to blow the bubbles, but they're not capable of blowing the bubbles. So the frustration of, no, I don't want you to. Give it to me.
And she's like, okay. So she hands them the wand. And they're like. And they can't. And they get pissed off. I mean pissed. Obviously. And so she goes, okay. And takes the wand. And they're like, no. They don't want her to do it. Right. So you can't win. And so I say to them, hey, make up your mind. Yeah. Mom's blowing it or you're not having it. Because the bottom line is you can't. Right. You don't have the subtlety. You haven't figured it out. Maybe sometimes you tease them a little bit. You go, ha, ha, ha. You can't blow bubbles. You're just a baby. Get a bubble machine. Oh, there you go. Get a bubble machine. You'll never hear from those kids again. It's a true story. A little while I'm going to tell you why nerds are really upset about the new version of Star Wars coming out on Blu-ray. Jay.
Mad. Good and mad. But first, Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. Chaz Bono just revealed to his mom, Cher, that he'll compete on Dancing with the Stars. In case you've been in a coma, Chaz Bono is about a 40-year-old dude who used to be a woman named Chastity. Is his mother. Shem's mother. Don't you get us with the league of, you know, leagues. The leagues, dude. Oh, the email? Yeah, the leagues. Boy, whatever. She wanted to know how everything was going. Was I nervous?
If you didn't change genders, you don't think you would have taken on the challenge? Never. I never would have. Well, I wouldn't have ever felt comfortable dancing. Well, I just wouldn't have had the nuts to do it. I mean, I... Oh! What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Goodness sake! Don't you know what I'm talking about when you hear what I'm talking about? Come on. I think it'll probably be tough for her to, like, lead. Him, sorry. Tough for him to lead. Tough for him to lead. He's been leading all along. Does she dance with a man? No. He will dance with a woman. He will dance with a woman. Yeah. Well, what a... Nah. She will. He will dance with a... He'll dance with a woman in years of being led. I hope he didn't get the shaft. But he does. He wants the shaft. That's true. He has the shaft. He paid good money for the shaft. Think you can get ahead in the competition? Shut up. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can someone tell Trey to shut up?
Oh, my God. Hey, Jay. Get it. You remember that email that I wrote to everybody? Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. It's time to play That's a True Statement. Now, what I'll do is I will reach in to the That's a True Statement fish bowl. And I'll take a statement out. I'll read it. And then whoever wrote it has to say, That's a True Statement. If you don't like reggae music, you're an unhappy person. That's a true statement. Oh, boy. Come on, Scrooge. Hey, Woods. Yes. If you like reggae music, you're pretending to like reggae music. Pretending? That's a true statement. Pretending. How can you pretend? Even Chris laughed at that one. Even that guy, Chris.
Look. You guys are grumps. Grouches. I don't not like. That's it. That's it. Mikey, are you, are you not depressed? I'm such a hipster. Are you, are you not depressed? I'm such a hipster. I am. It must be that my reggae levels are low. Hipster? Reggae's been around longer than you. What does that mean? How does it make you a hipster if you like reggae music? It makes you a grump. It's fashionable. It's fashionable. No, it isn't. It's happy. Yeah. It's like I'm Jamaican, you know? Yeah. I'm Jamaican. Why are you guys talking like Saudi Arabians? That's all I got. I love you. That's all I got. This is happy. It's meant to be happy. I get it. I get it. Do I? Yeah. You get it because you're stoned. Yeah, because I'm high as a kite. No. You're 20. Yeah. There's a few songs I absolutely love. And they're all by Bob Marley. Me too. Every one of them. Me too. I can't pretend to be, like I could never go to a reggae fest and watch Jim from Escondido play reggae. I'm not talking about going, I'm not being, I'm not saying that you have to be an aficionado, but when people are like, I hate reggae music, that's because you're a grump. That's because you're a grump. That's a reggae-ish. A lot of horns in it. Yeah. All right. Let's get another true statement.
The Boston Red Sox organization is a bit. That's a true statement. No, let me explain. Never mind. Never mind. I have a legitimate argument, but it doesn't matter. Just move on. Go pick the next one. Just pick the next one. Are you kidding me? Pick the next one. It's a bit. It's a bit. Is it? Just move on. Give him one elevator pitch to tell you why it's a bit. Never mind. I don't want to anymore. It is ridiculous. It's a ridiculous statement. It's a true statement. You don't get enough of this on Facebook. Humor me. Humor me. Move on. No, I need to be humored now. I need to be humored. Just kiss, you guys. I need to be humored. Move on. Kiss. Move on. You've insulted my music today.
You've insulted my intelligence just now. Did I? I have a legitimate argument. You Yankee-loving... Baseball-loving. ...hooker. Yeah. Tell me. Okay. They like to portray themselves as something they are not, which is, in fact, a bit. They like to portray themselves as homegrown, scrappy, low payroll. Hey, man, we're just out there. We're cowboys. We're idiots. They don't know what they are. Those guys have the second highest payroll in the... In Major League Baseball. Oh, my God. What? God forbid we talk about sports on our show. Oh, it ain't sports. That's not sports? It ain't about sports. They don't know what they are. I can't squint more. I can't squint more if I tried. You look Chinese right now. I'm squinting at you. They think that they are in the same league. The Yankee fans, we know what we are. We know what we are. We know we spend a lot of money. You pretend you don't, and that makes you a bit. That's a true statement. And I'm out. I'm out. Easy, Chaz Bono. You really are something else. I know. And they don't have the hardware. You can move on. Oh, man. That's why I did it. You are just unbelievable. I'm reaching you. I'm sorry. I mean, how often? I mean, oh, man. Nobody thinks that's funny? Exactly. Easy, Sinbad. The next one says.
Can we throw something into that's a true statement? Because I really enjoyed it earlier with L.O.B.'s. If we disagree with somebody's statement, I think that we should have a counter-true statement. You just did with her reggae. And then you filleted mine. Just make up your rules as you go along, Mike. Boston Red Sox is a bit. The organization is a bit. They don't know what they are. A bit. It's a bit. They're a bit. They're a walking bit. It's a real thing. No, no. They are a bit. They don't know what they are. They try to be us, and they're not. That's my point. Us? Us. Oh. You're on the Yankees. New York's strong. You are. You're from Texas. You have graduated from clown school. Really? You went to the University of Clown. I got my MBA. Got your feet, your big feet, and your rubber nose. Big floppy shoes. Yeah. He's a professor now. When these microphones go off, I'm just going to stare at you. You're just going to lay into me? I'm just going to stare at you. Woods, what are you thinking? I'm not going to say, Woods, what are you thinking? I'm going to go. How dare you? No, I'm going to read it again out loud to you. I'm going to squint. Yeah, I'm going to squint at you and I'm going to go. I had a legitimate argument. The Boston Red Sox organization. Why don't you move on and leave me alone? Everybody likes the smell of their own farts. Ugh.
That's a true bit. That's a true statement. That's a true statement. Woods just went in his coffin. L.O.B. just went in her coffin. That's a true bit. That's a true buzzword, Mike. Is that disgusting? That's a true thing. You can't lie. Here's my true statement. Narcissists. Like the smell of their own farts. Yes. I'm in Jay's corner on this one. Even when it's disgusting, you stay there for a second longer to go. What? You're like, God, that is horrible. How did I do that? How did I do that? What did I eat? You replay your menu of the day? A hundred percent. That's a true statement. That's a true statement. It's a true bit. That's a true bit. Ella B's pretending that she doesn't. She does. No, she doesn't. Yes, she does. And I'm telling, listen, I'm telling you the truth. I don't. There's no way you don't. I'm telling you the truth. I don't. Do you disgust yourself? Yes. No. No, but I will tell you this. I consider it in the category of unpleasant. You do not.
I don't? You look, for a second there you go, you go, you go, woo! You're proud of yourself. You're proud of yourself. You know you are for one second. You're like, holy cow. And then you smell just a little bit more before you move on. Yesterday I admitted to you guys that I took a bubble, that I took a bubble-less bath. Bath salt. With lavender bath salts. Purple water. I would admit this to you. Ugh. I don't think you would. Oh, really? I don't think you would. I think you're a little proud. Proud? I think you're proud. I'm proud. You're proud of your farts. Yeah. Oh, you know that. Like, look what I just did. Yes. Yeah. But Woods and Jay, there's no accomplishment. No. You haven't accomplished. You're filthy. I've just killed it. You're filthy. I could have just wiped out an entire room. You're unhealthy. Oh, that. Okay. I didn't under. I understand. I get it. I get it. What? It's like, ooh, man, I got you. I would have gotten you. It must be like a machismo thing. Yeah, it's a machismo thing. It's machismo. And I am not going to give you an isolate. You would have isolated that. I'm not macho. Isolate. Isolate. How dare you. How dare you. How dare you. Do another one. Let's keep going. All right. So fun. Yeah. Yeah. Even X.
Okay, even experts, finger quotes, even experts at handicapping horse racing are guessing. That's a true statement. That's a true statement. 100%. No one knows anything about horse racing. No one. No, that's not true. It's Lauren. That's not a true statement. Lauren, they know the rules. They may even know. what LASIK is when it has the little L with the circle on it on the race form. They can tell you that means LASIK. They can tell you all about the horses and they know about... Yes. But do they... Are they experts at picking which horse is going to win? No. Apparently not. No, they're not. You know why? Because 30 to 1 shots win all the time. It's a true statement.
It's a bit. It is a bit. I don't know about that. I think they go on past performances and jockeys. Well, that's what they say. At the end of the day, it's a crap shoot. You don't know what you're doing out there. How are people winning so much money? Because they're lucky. How do you think tracks stay open? How do you think people win the lottery? The winning casinos. You get lucky. You get lucky. Well, not everyone at casinos gets lucky. Right. Not everybody. How do you think a horse race stay a horse? Because there's so many people that don't know what they're doing that only play with the handicaps and stuff like that. Hey, I just pulled one out and it's a doozy. When we come back, I'll read it. And by the way, 570-1949. If you want to comment on any of these, we want your input. But this next one. This next one will have certain people in a tizzy. People are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. This is the FM.
Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Friday night's Butthole Surfers show is now at Brick by Brick. Next Friday, go see Fitz and the Tantrums at the Del Mar Racetrack for a 4 o'clock Friday. Next Sunday, September 4th, the Great American Showcase downtown at El Dorado Cocktail Lounge. It starts at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The soft pack, the nervous records, the howls, the creepy creeps. It's going to be so much fun. We've got two nights of Thievery Corporation at House of Blues September 7th and 8th. Also September 8th at the Casbah, Telekinesis will play for the SD Music Thing kickoff party. And an about-the-music show with Givers happens at the Casbah September 11th. Still to come this summer, The Kills, TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys, Bush, Portugal the Man, Peter Bjorn and John. An about-the-music show with The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, also Ryan Adams, Foo Fighters, Boxing Rebellion, and Black Joe Louis and the Honey Bears. There you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. We know you want ultimate performance.
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of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. You're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best movie ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jake. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Well, at least what... One of us believes a true statement. By the way, you can call and you can weigh in and give your opinion on it. 5701-949 is the number. M1 Firenze from Oceanside. This is M1 Firenze. Just calling to say Lauren. Did an amazing job last night up at the Belly Up. Oh, thank you. So did you. Thank you. Are you a comedian, Firenze? I am a poet who happens to do a few funny poems.
You do funny poems? I have a couple funny poems. I do all kinds of poetry, funny stuff, depressing stuff, crazy stuff. Can I hear one of your funny ones? Yeah, for sure. Can you do the breakfast, lunch, and dinner one? Exactly what I was thinking. All right. This is breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You glaze my donut. I cream your coffee. You relish. my hot dog. I chip your dip. You mango my salsa. I spinach your puff. You saute my mushroom. I prime your ribs. You caramel my apple. I banana your split. Oh my gosh. You're being inappropriate. Girl, how drunk is you? Wow, that is an interesting poem. That's a poem. That was poetry right there. Yeah, right? I do enjoy the smells of my own farts. There you go. Thank you. That makes my mouth water. So you performed last night. You performed poetry. Okay, so how does that work?
Last night, L.O.B., she did a gig. She's a stand-up comedian. She had a gig last night. Did you do your poetry in between the acts, or what did you do? We had an opening act of poetry. They call it the Poetry Voltron, so a bunch of North County poets came down from different events. We did about an hour or so with a bunch of poets, just doing a couple poems apiece. to open it up before the stand-up, kind of warm up the crowd while everybody's filling in. I have a question, Forenzi. How did you find out about this, to do this? Like, you know, did you go to the, where was the gig? At the belly up. So did you walk into the belly up one day and say, hello, my name's Forenzi, I'm a poet, are you guys in need of one, or can I, Like, how does that happen? Yeah, how does it happen? Well, it happened like this. My friend Michael Schmidt runs a bunch of events in Encinitas, and he's always trying to put things together and trying to get bigger and bigger and bigger. And so he, I believe, went into the body up, just like you said, and said, hey, can I get some poetry going here? I think I've got some really cool acts. And then he hand-selected all the best poets that he knew and got us all to come down once he set it all up. He's trying to get us to come back again and again, if he can pull it off. Hmm.
You know, it's interesting because I was talking about poetry just last week or the week before. And I was saying, you know, I didn't understand it. I didn't get it. And then somebody explained it to me. And now I kind of do. But that one that you did, that was an interesting one, you know. But now you don't understand it again. Now I'm very confused all over. But don't you see what he was saying? Yeah, it was like, you know. But to me, it was almost like, you know. You're the tear in my eye. You're the, you know, you can just sort of do any... You're the little extra thing that makes it special, is what he's saying. You're the butter on my toast. Okay, you're the sugar in my cereal. I could exist without you, but you make it that much better. But I think his was dirty. Yeah, it was. I banana your split. Yeah. It's dirty. That's dirty. You relish my hot dog? That's dirty. Lays my donut. I'm going to butter your muffin. Forenzi's a big fan of that. Eli said that it's not ironic necessarily. It's double entendre. Double entendre. Exactly. It's double entendre. Metaphorically speaking. That's right. Well, Forenzi, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's a good one. Thank you. Are you ready for this true statement? Absolutely. Snake owners have social anxiety issues.
That's a true statement. I agree with that. I almost put one in about snake owners myself. Okay. Because, listen, here's the deal. You're either a snake owner or you're not. I myself am not. Have you ever been? No. Nor have I. Now, I am making no judgment call here because I have social anxiety issues. I have them. Yeah. I have them. But I believe. That if you're a snake owner, you got social anxiety issues. Now, what do I base that on? Absolutely nothing. I had snakes as a kid. We went caught in the wild. Bingo. There we go. And proven. I can think of one big snake owner. Guy's a big player. Slash. Oh, really? Oh, dude.
His band, his side band, is called Slash His Snake Pit. I read his autobiography. And he really did. He has so many snakes. And he has giant pythons. And it's really, it's a subculture. If you threw me into a snake pit, I'd have a heart attack before I reach the bottom. There's nothing worse than a snake. If I saw a garden snake, I would pee myself. Well, don't you, okay, at the risk of, you know, making anybody upset. Sorry. But if you have anything other than a dog or a cat or fish, a gerbil, a rabbit. What about the giant tropical bird on your shoulder that everyone asks about? Who are you talking to? No. Who are you talking to? I was talking to you, Tommy Mahama. Specifically to you, but I see what you're saying, and I think it's the same rationale as the snakes. It's like. It's a way to not talk to me. Let's talk directly about this weird thing that I have. My wife, Rebecca, used to have a chinchilla. You can't just make stuff up, Mikey. But those are cute, right? They're rodent-like. Oh, yeah. Scary. Sherman. Yeah, it's like a ferret. A lot of people have ferrets. That's weird. It's people that have ferrets. I wanted a ferret, and then they got outlawed.
They're the coolest. Why? Oh, yeah, I'm weird. They're like cats. They're not like cats. They're just like cats. I had a friend that had one. They are not just like cats. They're better than cats. We had one in the classroom I grew that I went to school and this thing ran around the room. You went to school in a log cabin. That's true. All kinds of stuff in there. You were a pioneer. They like roll around on balls. So does he. So do you. It's true. Let me tell you this. Just found this out. People that are divorced or separated are twice as likely to smoke. Did you know that? I did not. If you're divorced or separated, you get less sleep than married couples. Agree. What about if you've never been married? Does it say anything about that? Yeah, I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't know you were such a... I didn't know you were so sensitive. What if you might not ever... What if you are...
Doomed to stay single. Does it say anything about your sleep pattern then? You're not doomed to stay single. What if your biological clock... What if the battery is running low on that clock? Sands run out? The sands of time are running out. The bar is in the red. L-O-B. What if you're on E? It's very uncomfortable. Not quite on E. What if you've got a quarter tank left? Yeah, what if you've got a quarter tank left? You're a young woman. This is ridiculous. Compared to like a senior citizen. No, that is not. And you're an old woman compared to like a middle schooler. Yeah, exactly. Even like compared to a 20-year-old. Right. You can get married on up into your 60s. Well, that's usually your second or third marriage. Yeah. Right. Recently divorced women tend to gain weight. Really? I would find that hard to believe. Actually, Woods, it's the opposite for dudes. Dudes start working out. Of course. Of course. To prepare, I knew this was going to drive her crazy. For new. For new. For new. Strange. They're in the gym. She hates it. She's red. She's red and furious. Guys ever just get better? Just getting better with age. I got fatter, but. Nothing drives L.O.B. crazier than men wanting to slay. After breaking up. It makes her nuts. Anytime. If L.O.B. could wave a wand.
It would be that when a guy breaks up with her, he's neutered. He's dead. Yeah. He's dead. You have sterilized yourself with sadness. Yes. Sterilize yourself with sadness. Men tend to go out and slay their way through the pain. Exactly. And women eat their way through the pain. And women despise. The fact that that's the way that men go about their business. We can't do that. We are emotionally connected through our vaginal system. That's true. Holy. It's true. Hey, listen, man. Crap. Woods, if you didn't believe that. Oh, I know it. Yeah. I mean, and that's why women were not. That's why you're not. You got to wait. That's why I say you should wait till you get married. Do not. Go in there. What if it's too late and you've already slayed an amen? It's not about why this. It's about what next. Hey, everybody. We're all going to get late. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Of course. People tend to cut loose sexually after divorce, putting them more at risk for STDs. 15% of new HIV cases are?
From people over the age of 50. Wow. 15%. Wrap that rascal. Divorced and separated people are more likely than married couples to drink. Oh, yeah. He makes some bad decisions. Well, here's the thing. Dating usually involves drinks. And so divorced people who aren't dating, they might drown their sorrows and booze. Yeah. And all the high-risk behaviors. You lose your mind if you get divorced or separated. It's temporary insanity. I agree. I've done that in a breakup situation. Chopped the hair off. I couldn't officially say separated or divorced because I've never been married. You've said that. I'm sure that will not stay that way. You will be a happily married woman. Nobody hold their breath. You should get a cat. A couple of them.
Six. Thought about it. Yeah. You know, her pain doesn't need to be that funny. You know, the fact that... Well, I mean... Have you thought about hoarding stuff? I mean... I do that already. Yes. It's in my blood. So... Thought you might find this a little bit interesting. There are a few things that changed the world because of Top Gun. Believe it. The movie Top Gun inspired a generation of drunk men to warble the song You've Lost That Loving Feeling to uninterested girls. I had an entire pledge class do that to me in the dining hall in college. Do what to you? Sing that song. And warble while they were drunk. Awesome. It began and ended the career of Kelly McGillis. It's a true statement. You don't.
See a lot of new Kelly McGillis movies coming out. And she was red hot in that movie. What do you suppose the deal is there? Like, why did she stop making movies? I don't know. Maybe they were like, well, we don't really want to cast you. You're the girl from Top Gun. Right. You can't be a detective. Right. Because you're Top Gun girl. You're Charlie. Call sign Charlie. But I'm very diverse. You're not very diverse. I'm diverse. You're not diverse. You're Charlie. Yes, I am. You're not. Just try me out. I'm not going to try you out. You like girls, actually, so I can't try you out. I do? Yes, you do. Feast. She likes my breasts. Top Gun introduced the world to the word wingman. Oh, it's such a good two. Top Gun made aviators and bomber jackets the epitome of cool. Had them both. The aviators are still cool. Yeah, they still are. Both. I think bomber jacket's in it. You should wear one. Oh, I got lightheaded. I'm lightheaded. I'm seeing stars. I'm seeing stars. Oh, my God. Mike, while you're at it, try on a pair of skinny jeans. You look real good. If you can't get a bomber jacket. Oh, by the way.
For those of you without the benefit of ever seeing a billboard of this little Mexican, he is a fat one. He's husky. He's a husky boy. Bomber jacket with tight stonewashed jeans. Okay, L.O.B. Big lug boot. Hey, you should get some dog tags, too. For sure. Because of the movie Top Gun gave us a new way of... putting people down by saying, your ego's writing checks that your buddy can't cash. That's right. For the record, I'm the only American that thinks that Top Gun is one of the stupidest movies ever made. You're crazy. I can't even articulate what I'm feeling right now. I can't even believe it. You're an ex-patriot. Yeah. You're a communist. You're a communist. I'm going to remind you of a scene. And this, to me, is the...
is the singular scene that makes me think it's one of the stupidest movies. You're un-American. Well, you're Mexican, but it's... Yeah, you're from Guam. Yeah, you're from Guam. That's probably why you're pissed off about it. Well, I mean, to be specific, I'm Mexican-American. Technically. Allegedly. It's the scene where Val Kilmer goes with his jaw. You know what anyone's talking about? He snaps his jaw. Of course. That's right. Stupid. I am dangerous. One part. Iceman. The gay tension in that movie was, hey, those guys needed to get a room big time. Yeah. Strange. Mike, I found it super homoerotic. Super homoerotic. Y'all didn't? Y'all didn't. I found myself just wanting to kill me. Yeah. They were so in each other's face. There was something below that. Oh, Mike, don't try to pretend that you don't like your own farts and you got really gay when you saw that movie. We all did. Every one of us saw that movie and liked guys. It's not true, Jay. It made me want to sleep with Kelly McGillis when I was a little kid. Yes, it did. No, it didn't. It made you want to be with a guy. No, I promise. I wanted to make love to Kelly McGillis. Woods, it's all right. It's a safe place. We all felt it. I know we did. Yeah, you thought about time cruising the shower. You want to get your hand on the stick in that plane and fly it around? Joystick? Oh, gosh, it's not even...
It's not a subtle point he's making. He never claimed to be subtle. It's an uncomfortable alarm. Yes. Emergency broadcast system. Didn't you find it homo ironic? Weren't you a little bit bi-curious? Oh boy, Mike. Wasn't there a volleyball scene as well? This is it. Oh, really, Jay? I don't remember, but was it? No, maybe wrong movie. Was it? Was that private school? I can't remember. I just can't. Weren't they playing in like jeans? Better Off Dead, I think it was. And the shirts off, yeah.
Uh, yeah. You're telling me. Wasn't one of them in Wranglers, the other in 502s? Not to be confused with 501s, because they weren't. They weren't the button flyers. Didn't you just leave his shirt on? I do remember that part. I remember he was the only one without his shirt on. Yeah, four pack. That was like an obligatory thing in the 80s. You had to have the musical montage. Listen, I remember at the time both my brother and I lived at home, and he was so into Top Gun. And I remember going to see it and just thinking, this is so cheesy. No way. Mikey. Just be so highbrow. Easy Scorsese. Take it for what it is. You are Roman freaking Polanski. That's who you are. I'm a rapist? Yeah. I'm talking about his directorial work, not his rapist work. Well, then, thank you. You're welcome. Alejandro Pena, whoever. Das Boot. God, dude. Val Kilmer earned his heartthrob stripes after playing. God, he was great. Overactor. Volleyball. He was sexy. I went and got a freaking flat top as soon as I saw that. You did? Of course I did. I wanted a Navy guy after that. Or whatever the heck they wore that wore white. I wanted a Navy guy. An Air Force guy. They were in the Navy. They were in the Navy. I just think it's hysterical that you want... Navy pilots. Yeah.
You wanted one. When I read this, I was like, oh, I guess I shouldn't have been doing that. There's a few things that you think are good for your body, and they're not. I'll tell you what they are. And I'm also going to tell you the best ways to keep your kids from drinking. And it's real. On FM 94.9. Morning, Joe. Morning, Miss Thompson. One of these days, it's going to happen. Somebody's going to try to talk you out of boar's head. Joe, I'd like a half pound of that boar's head turkey. I got something for you, Mrs. T. It's a new turkey on special. It's not boar's head, Joe. Well, they tell me it's kind of like boar's head.
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