The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/07/11
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
shirt fashionCopenhagen spit incidentsuicide reenactmentJake's kindergartenNFL previewWoods' sweatingLLB Facebook postsnake encounterworst songs of the 90sunicorn discussionmikey showcopenhagen spit
Mikey opened the show defending his horizontal‑striped shirt and joking about his single award, while Woodsy later recounted how he spilled Copenhagen spit on Jay's wife Kim during a Padre game, a story that became running teasing. The crew also discussed a strange suicide reenactment involving a T‑shirt‑bound woman, debated Jake's kindergarten behavior and his 20 warnings, and previewed the NFL kickoff with Darren Sproles' return and jokes about A.J. Hawk's hair. Other segments covered Woods' excessive sweating, Lauren O'Brien's Facebook post deletion after weather complaints, and Chris's encounter with a garden snake that he refused to kill.
What happened, in order
Opening Shirt Joke
Mikey jokes about his award‑winning status and defends wearing a horizontal‑striped shirt despite being overweight.
Copenhagen Spit Incident
Woods accidentally spills his Copenhagen spit on Jay's wife Kim during a Padre game, leading to ongoing teasing.
Suicide Reenactment Discussion
The crew debates a bizarre suicide case where a woman bound herself with a T‑shirt, questioning whether it was truly suicide.
Jake's Kindergarten War Hero Welcome
Mikey describes giving his son Jake an over‑the‑top hero's welcome after his first day of kindergarten, only to learn Jake got 20 warnings.
NFL Kickoff Preview
Woodsy previews the Saints vs. Packers game, highlighting Darren Sproles' return and joking about Aaron Rodgers and A.J. Hawk's hair.
Woods' Sweating Complaint
Woods laments sweating profusely, comparing himself to Jay at a spelling bee and L.O.B. in an NBA locker room.
LLB's Facebook Post Deletion
Lauren O'Brien (LLB) removes a Facebook post about enjoying the weather after friends complain, sparking a discussion about online positivity.
Chris Finds a Snake
Phone screener Chris discovers a garden snake in his house, captures it with a paint bucket and flower pot, and debates whether to kill it.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayChrisKimAnthony Michael HallCarrot TopRebeccaJakeDarren SprolesReggie BushAaron RodgersA.J. Hawk
37,312 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Let's do this. Let's have you give us a call right now, 570-1949. Or jump on the text, 949mikey at gmail.com. You're listening to the award-winning Mikey Show, which in my 23-year career has won one award. So, you know, feast. It's not a lie. Yeah. I mean, so we are award-winning. There you go. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. 41 years old and wearing... pullover shirt that is just you're not supposed to do when you're overweight. You're never supposed to wear horizontal lines. Never. Never. You're not supposed to do that. Vertical. Vertical lines, slimming. Horizontal lines make your eyes go, he is, you know. Oh, that hoe is big. Yeah, it does that to you, you know. Really? Seriously? But I decided to anyway. And I'm going to take my chances. That's a ballsy move. It's funny because he's fat.
Woodsy is our sports guy. He's the man wearing the backwards Yankees cap and the white V-neck. Thank you. And he's 36 years of age. Lauren O'Brien, the pretty blonde to my right with the blue eyes, is 30. She is our assistant producer. She's doing the baseball cap thing, which is cool. And Jay, Jason R. Isbell. He is, in fact, our producer. 48 years of age. And real name, not Jason. It's actually Jay. Not Jason. Jay. And then our phone screener is Chris. That's gross. Word of the day today, circular when I say it, be caller numero nine. And I'll give you Foo Fighter tickets. How about that? To see him at Viejas Arena October 17th. Phone lines open to you. Whatever you want to talk about is up to you. Just give us a call, 570-1949. I'm a Nubian Prince from Saramasa. Hello, Bree. What's going on? How are you guys doing? Good. Hey, I want to tell you guys, I didn't get eaten by no sharks this weekend, dude. You didn't get in the water, though, I bet. I sure did not. I used to camouflage the land, man. Kept me safe. That's a good thing to do. Smart move, pal. Oh, yeah. Hey, I just want to tell you guys, I felt like a big...
Did you throw up? Yeah, I did. Yeah, straight up. Yeah, we were at the Padre game Friday night, and Woods accidentally spilled his cup of Copenhagen spit on Jay's wife, Kim. Yes. Which he appreciated. And it went on her arm, and she was actually... She was fine with it. You know, it wasn't her favorite thing in the world, but she didn't trip out. Like some people. She was like, hey, accidents happen, and Jay took every opportunity. Yeah. It's still taking. To rub it in. You'll never live it down. If I spilled it on your wife... It would have been forgotten in two seconds, but that's just the way I am. That's just the way I am. You don't care about your wife, though. Yeah, that's right. You don't care. Don't I? Do you? Don't I? Yes, you do. But I do believe that you would have made fun of it for a while. It's too funny. Do you guys remember months ago I lent Jay a guitar that he scratched the hell out of? I didn't trip out. I've never brought it up since. I'll never bring it up again. The only reason I remembered, an M1.
Brought it up to me yesterday. He goes, hey, didn't Jay scratch the hell out of your guitar? I go, damn right he didn't. You know what I didn't do? I didn't send him a bill and I didn't break his balls about it. You did. You did. You actually did break my balls. No, I didn't. On the air. Little. The next day. Not a lot. Right. Not too much. They healed quickly. Yeah, healed quick. The kid lets it go quick. Does he? That's what I do. He just brought it back up again. Kid's resilient. I'm resilient. My skin's thick. Thank you, guys. So is my belly. All right. Thank you, Nibian Prince. We love you. Hello, Bree. Did you hear that D in there? No. I go, my skin's sick. He goes, I wish your ankle was $25,000. I'm telling you. Can I borrow $25,000? You need to go get a loan. I'm just going to have to give it to him. At a bank, give him the $25,000 that you cost him at Wipeout, ABC's Wipeout. I'm going to have to figure out what he would have gotten after taxes and then just have them garnish my check every week and go right into his. He'd still be upset. I know. Because he didn't get it all in one lump sum. I don't want the money. Don't you? I wanted the effort. I gave effort. I wanted you to be more than you can be. It's never going to end. It's never. He'll never. I'll have to quit or he'll have to quit something. I thought to myself the other day, I'm like.
That poor Kim's ear must be worn out between me and you and L.O.B. Poor woman's ear. She's like, all right, Jay. I get it. You hate them all. I'll sell you your company back that you sold me. Yes. Okay? You can come back and work at Isabel Productions. I don't know why you said that. I love you all. I'll sell it back to you. I'll sell it back to you. I really, really like you guys. Kim, you're never going to believe what Fatty did. No, the other Fatty. The brown one. Nice. Freaking believable. She's like, what now? What now? Guess. I can't guess. I've got four kids. I'm running a household here. Well, tell them to take a break. I need to bitch to you about Mikey. The brown one. The brown one. Hurry up, because then I've got a LLB story for you. Blow your head off. Woods, we need all day tomorrow. Talk about it. So, a lot of things happening. News-wise, Anthony Michael Hall, who was in the movie Breakfast Club, he was one of the big John Hughes dudes, got arrested on Labor Day. Happened at 9.50 at night, and apparently he lives in a condo in Playa del Rey, California. And his neighbor...
Said that he was cursing at him and threatening him and tearing up the shrubs in the common area. Woods. Identical woods. Identical woods. Identical woods. And when the neighbor confronted him, Anthony Michael Hall yelled back to him that he would, quote, beat him to a pulp. Because that's what you get at Big Brad's house when you spill paint in the garage. So he's taken at LAPD, Pacific Division Jail. Posted 500 bucks in bail and sayonara. I wonder what's the charge? Charge was disturbing the peace. Oh, boy. I think he's got some embroidery. Yeah. I was going to say the same thing. Is he all juiced up? Yeah. He looks like. You've seen him. Compared to his breakfast club days, he's like thick. Really? Well, he grew up. I mean. No, but more than that. I don't think he's like carrot top. Let's put it that way. That cat. That's a juicer. Has had a needle in his butt. Guaranteed.
That's true, L-O-B. Guaranteed. Hey, how you doing? I'm Carrot Top. What happened to you, man? Well, you remember I used to be Carrot Top, but different. Right. You were 70 pounds of muscle less. 70 pounds actually altogether. Right. I weighed 70 pounds. That's true. I weigh 240 now. I bench 650. Oh, my God. I could put $6.50 up three times. That guy just get tired of getting made fun of? It's so strange, too, because the hair is still bright. Wendy's red. The eyebrows are waxed, waxed. Mascara. Hideous. Yeah, weird. Not funny, still. I wouldn't go as far as say hideous, but I think that it's very different. Well, you're in on redheads. You're in on redheads, yeah, I was going to say. He can massage you, probably. Dudes, girls, whatever. Yeah, that's not why. He's kind of got a cat face. He does have a cat face. I don't want to make fun of them. I'm just saying, you know, I will. How do we get on Carrot Top anyway? Anthony Michael Hall. Identical Anthony Michael Hall. Identical Anthony Michael Hall. In that weird case in Coronado, medical examiner says that the girl that was hanging from the balcony.
She had a few minor injuries, but he still says it's a suicide. 32 years old, relatively minor bruises on the right side of her scalp and says there was a T-shirt wrapped around her neck and stuffed in her mouth. Really? That's a suicide? That's so weird. How come it doesn't sound anything like a suicide? They showed this video of her binding herself. It's a reenactment. A reenactment? Oh my gosh, it's insane. It would probably have to be pretty... It was elaborate. She did it in front and did all this tying and then pulled one hand out, put it behind her back, and then slid her other hand in. Oh, boy. Then shoved a t-shirt in her mouth? Yeah. And she was still grasping. Why a t-shirt? Why a t-shirt? It doesn't even make sense. It doesn't. No note? No note? No. She painted something on the door, it said. Yeah. She did? But they did not reveal what was painted. Something in black. God, I wish I knew. Weird. Fascinating. I would not live in that house. It's like a haunted house. Nice weather yesterday, Woods. Woods texted and said, you're just living in a house that's 150 degrees. So I was in like an Indian sweat lodge yesterday. I had boxers on, nothing else, working on my laptop and sweating. It was the hottest day of the year in San Diego County. Yeah. Hottest day of the year. One day off from having the perfect Monday. Yeah, one day away. It was...
97 degrees by 2 o'clock in the afternoon, which broke a record that was set in 1952 by 7 degrees. Hotter here than in Dallas yesterday. Oh, my. I remember that. Man. Became the hottest day of the year by far. May 3rd was the previous hottest day of the year here in San Diego, and it was 89 degrees that day. Wow. And the humidity made it feel even warmer. The beach areas saw 25 degrees. above the temperature the day before. So it was Monday, and Tuesday, boom, 25 degrees higher. That's amazing. And the humidity at the beach made it feel like it was 100. Yesterday, Rebecca asked if I would barbecue some shish kebabs. And I went outside, and I started up that charcoal, and I was like, Hoochie Mama is hot. I grilled a steak last night over a smoking hot grill. I'm dying.
It's beautiful. It feels like summertime. I mean, it does, but it's still kind of just kind of gross. I got a buddy coming in next week from Dallas, and I hope the weather stays a little nice so we can get in the water, but I don't want it to be 90s. I think that this is, see, every year to me, I think that the weather does these death rattles where they give out their last breath of hot, and then it just goes right. Yeah, it's supposed to just taper off by the end of the week. Perfect. Start going into, you know, fireplace smelling. Mm-hmm. Can't wait. Football, fireplace smell. Snowboarding. A little chill in the air. Climbing. Yeah, it goes from surfing to climbing and somewhere. Well, you can still do both. You just add another one to the mix. Yeah, Mike, I'm going to put a barrel around my neck and go rescue people up in the snow. Go running up the hill and just take them whiskey. Homemade whiskey. Yeah, homemade whiskey in a little barrel. I'll be like, you all right? And then I'll carve a little bit. Yeah. I'll whittle. And they'll be like, what the hell are you? And I'll say, I'm Jay. I'm Jay Bernard. I'm Jay Bernard. St. Jay is fine. They'll be like, you mean like a St. Bernard? Yeah, just stronger and better and faster and hotter. Sexier. Sexier. Better love maker. More stamina. More stamina. Able to make more puppies. Damn near breastfeed. Pretty much self-sufficient. Yeah. So, yeah. Anyway, you need help or...
What can I do for you? I broke my leg snowboarding. Yeah, I'll fix it. I'd love a shot of whiskey. Yeah, no problem. I got it right here in the barrel around my neck. I'm Jay, man. I'm Jay, man. What do you do in the spring? What's your bit? I do it all. I mean, I'll mount. Why do we even have to talk about it? Why do you ask? Yeah, why do you ask? I can't say what Woods just mimicked because it's so perverted. Just because I like to be outdoors, you guys like to make fun of me. That's not true. We like to make fun of you because you draw attention to it. That's not true. Which is different. Just ask me a question about it. On a minute-by-minute basis. It's true. We said, hey, spring's nice. It's cool. The football's on, and you can light a fire. He goes, and you can snowboard. Don't forget snowboarding, Mike. Yeah, I will be, Mike. Yeah, I can't wait. I ain't watching football. Just because you're excited about something. So, we'll finish winter.
Going to spring, you start the mountain biking. I was mountain bike all winter. Mountain bike all winter. Yeah. So mountain biking is like almost an all year round thing. Almost. I would love to just get like a calendar of the stuff. Hey, listen. I can't argue with it. The guy's fit. He's in good shape. He looks good. Punches hard. Yeah, he does. Guy's damn near 50 years old. I could kick the crap out of both of us. Built like a German tank. Yep. Bulldog. Yeah. You're almost 50, Jay. Don't say that. I was thinking about that yesterday. We were out skateboarding on the ramp. And I'm thinking, I'm almost 50 and I'm skateboarding. It's great. I'm going to break a hip. Gosh darn, I did not. Got a new camera yesterday and just took pictures of my kids on the couch. Really different what I did with my kids. You just had them come running by so you didn't have to get up. Hey, get back in here. Daddy wants to take some pictures. Is he right? Funny, I'll be. I mean, is he right? That's a good one.
The camera fits. They were sitting there. I took pictures of them. What are you going to do? Cute kids. Yeah. Cute kids. They got their Halloween costumes. Oh, wow. So I got home yesterday, Jake's first day of kindergarten, and I say, how'd he do? Rebecca says, you did really good. So I, dude, I mean, practically tears coming out of my eyes. Pick him up. I'm hugging him. Oh, my gosh, Bob. I'm so proud of you. Carry him over to the couch. Body slam him on the couch, which he loves. Loves it. I'm just, you know, I'm grabbing his tummy and just jiggling his tummy. And I'm like, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Yes, I love you. Blah, blah, blah. And he's so happy and everything. And then afterwards, Rebecca goes, yeah, he didn't do as great as it. You know, I just. Oh, no. I go, what the? What the hell? I just acted like, you know, the guy just won the war. He's a war hero. I just gave him a war hero's reception. You sat there and you watched me. What are you talking about? He pushed a bunch of kids. Called me a bee. She goes, he gets, at his preschool, he'd get five warnings. Okay, you're allowed to, him specifically. I wish I got that every day. How many he got yesterday? How many? 20.
Holy smokes. Atta kid. You got a little woods on your hands, dude. No. She goes, well, I want to give him positive reinforcement. For what? For the crap? So that way he goes back and does more of it? Hey, listen, Dad, yesterday he held me up like I was Mike Tyson winning his first title. It's Aaron Rodgers last year in the Super Bowl. Yes. He was Aaron Rodgers yesterday. He's like, hey, I'll do 30 tomorrow. 50 by Friday. Yeah, I'll be 50 by Friday. And then, holy cow, that guy will hold a parade for me. So 20 warnings. 20 warnings. Now, is it the same kind of warning system as the preschool, as the kindergarten? Now, I got to give them a break in that it's really different than before. You know, before they would do this thing called circle time where they would sit there in a circle. And it lasted like, you know, 15 minutes. And they did it twice. Well, now they do it four times. It lasts an hour. It's almost an hour, you know. And he can't handle it. You know, he can't sit there. All the other kids sit there. Jake can't. He can't sit there. He's like, you know, he tried. And Nita says he tries. She's his new, you know, shadow. Shadow, yeah. And she says he tries. She watches him. He really tries to make an effort. But, you know, he starts to, they call it stim. Yeah, he stims. And it's a stimulation, you know. And he'll start to repeat stuff he hears on TV or his favorite stuff. And it's disruptive.
And, you know, they got to tell him, hey, come on. And I feel sorry for him because he's that's his coping. Yeah, that's how he copes. And he had a legitimate thing. You know, then he cried a bunch of times yesterday. One of the cries was legit, but a lot of the other ones are not. Like, for instance, if another kid cries, he cries like his brothers will cry. He'll cry bothers him, bothers him. So and I understand. And it's been a long time. So yesterday, finally, I tell you upstairs. And I said and he loves he comes to me. I'm his like comfort blanket because mom has to be the hard ass, which I feel bad about. Like she's got to pay the heavy, you know. And so he comes to me and and I said, I'm going to listen. We got to have a talk and you have to repeat it back to me when we're done. And he knows I'm serious when I do that bit. So I said, and if you don't repeat it back to me, you're in trouble. OK, so I say it to him. And I said, now, remember, if you can't repeat it back to me, you're in trouble. And he says, tell me one more time. That's fine. The kid's autistic. I'm going to give him a chance. He wants to make sure he gets it right. Exactly. I said, at school, kids are going to cry. When they do, you cry. You're the only one that does it. Other kids don't do it. I don't want you to do it anymore. You're a big boy. What did I just say to you? You said that because they cry. No, Bob. I didn't go into why. I didn't say any of that.
What'd you say? Okay, I'm going to tell you one more time. It's like me. One more time, bub. At school, kids cry, and you cry when they do. None of the other kids do that. I don't want you to either. What'd I just say? You said that the kids cry, and I cry, and you don't want me to. You got it. You got it. Exactly. It's a sweet kid. I'll give you a hero's welcome. If you don't cry. Try to keep those warnings down in the, you know, single digits maybe. If you're the type that prays, pray for that kid to get better. I really want him to thrive there. And what I'm really afraid of is that the teachers, you know, that they go, listen, you can't deal with the 20, you know, things. 20 warning bits. 20 warning bits. First day though. First day. First day jitters. First day jitters. Let's hope he gets it out of his system and, you know, he's back to the deal. Woodsy NFL.
Tomorrow night, my brother. That is what I'm freaking talking about. What a game, too, to kick off the season, man. It's the New Orleans Saints at Green Bay. So it's the last two Super Bowl champs facing off. New Orleans is actually Green Bay's favored by four. I'll take the Packers on that. I think they've got a more complete team. But we will get to see former Charger Darren Sproles in a Saints jersey. He'll be one of the three-headed monsters. back in the backfield for the Saints. So I'm excited, man. It's 530. It's on NBC. Get your fantasy lineup set, man. Thursday night game. It's the NFL kickoff. We didn't think it was going to be here. We thought we were going to be locked out. It's back. This counts. It counts tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow's the real deal. And my expectation is that Sprolesy will look like Sprolesy. Oh, yeah. I think he's going to be great there. I mean, they lost Reggie Bush. He went to Miami, I believe. I guess he's doing really well there, but they said Sproles is, you know, he's going to be Darren Sproles. Which is, you know, it's tough for the Chargers, but I think they'll be all right, too. NFL Network's doing this thing about the road to victory. They do this every year with the team that went to the Super Bowl this year. You know, obviously it's the Pack. And they're talking to Aaron Rodgers. Just funny stuff, man. Who's that dude that plays in the defense for the Green Bay Packers that has the long blonde hair? A.J. Hawk. A.J. Hawk. Everybody clowns on that guy. They do? Yeah, they all clown on him.
Because of the hair, right? Because he has a ritual. Water bottle, hair, shakes it, forward, back. You know, wet, right? And they're all talking and they're showing it in super slow-mo. Genius. Yeah. And they go, if that guy didn't play like he plays, we would clown on him like there's no tomorrow. He goes, we still do, he said, but the guy puts up. He'd be like a punter. They would make fun of him like they do punters and kickers. And I guess the deal between him and Aaron Rodgers, who are good friends, they had him mic'd up on the sideline, and their bit with each other is, the same bit you and L.O.B. have with each other is, who's Hollywood? Oh. Yeah, so they'll walk up. So they show Aaron Rodgers, right? Aaron Rodgers standing on the sideline. He's watching the game. He's got his arms crossed. He's watching the game. And A.J. Hawk comes up behind him, and he goes, You think you're so freaking hot, huh? No way. And when he does, like, so Aaron Rodgers is standing there kind of going back, you know, leaning back and forth, you know, with his weight back and forth on his legs. And he goes, he's watching the game. And he's kind of got a little bit of a smile. And as soon as he hears him go, you think you're so badass, don't you? The smile's like, oh, boy. Yeah.
And he goes, oh, all the girls are looking at me right now. I'm so hot. I'm so hot. That's incredible. And Aaron Rodgers goes, I'm from Northern California. I act like it. He's from Southern California. He acts like it. He's Hollywood. I'm not. Is it Hawk or is it Clay Matthews? Clay Matthews. Not A.J. Hawk. It's not A.J. It's Clay Matthews. Clay Matthews. That's right. You think you're so hot, huh? Oh, look at me. All the girls are looking at me. Oh, it's hysterical. Anyway, that's coming on soon, too. Whatever month you're born in plays a big role in your future. A big role. They say people born in this month, September, very academic, or sports-oriented. Ask yourself. Ask yourself. You're a September person. And I got all the other ones too, I'll tell you. And we got, oh, we're going to be doing unicorns today. Unicorns are people that sing at a different, they're so good. They're so good that it's like watching a unicorn run down the street. It's so rare how good they are. Let your voice be heard on the Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell me the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. Call 570-194.
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Price and participation may vary. This report brought to you by Allstate. The more you protect, the more you can save. Bundle coverage for your car, plus your boat, your motorcycle or more. Call your local agent and bundle today. Some backup here on the 15 southbound after Carmel Mountain Road due to a disabled car. It's blocking the left shoulder. And the 94 eastbound, pretty slow between the 5 and Euclid Avenue. You've got some delays on the 805 southbound between Serrano Valley Boulevard and the 8. This report also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer, has a $25 mail-in rebate. That's for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Come on, get up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in the ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts, reviews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. Shortfalls and little sins.
Phone number here is 570-1949. If we start sinking, we stand on ground. Woodsy does not have air conditioning at his house. And yesterday he said that he was sweating like Jay at a spelling bee. He said he was sweating like L.O.B. in an NBA locker room. He was sweating like me at a Wicket convention. So what he's saying is he's sweating. Sweating every time. You know that line under your gullet in your throat? Yeah. Soaked. Where it pools? Where it pooled. It was pooling. As I was sitting back, I had to pool sweat in my gullet.
It's the worst. Right in the crease of your neck. What the hell? Well, we're guys. Women don't usually get that. You know? I had three fans blowing on me. Oh, boy. Which ones? Termin. Termin. Corb. Corb. Who else? That's... You said it. You put it up there, man. You put it right on the tee. Better not name a female. I don't have a female one. No. All dudes. It's all dudes. All dudes. It's an interesting day. That's right. What month are you born in June? July. July. That's close. Just throwing out numbers. All right. Didn't think about it. Apologize. Ella B's birthday is December 2nd. Yes. Good job. So we'll see if this says anything about you. All right. January, people. Your bit is your doctors, your debt collectors, and not very many of you are real estate agents. If you're born in January, that's what they say. February, artists, traffic cops. Not very many physicists were born in February at all. People born in February are also, for some reason, prone to narcolepsy. So they get narcoleptics, and then that's the people that fall asleep just out of nowhere. They've asked.
When are you born? Most of them, February. It's weird. Yeah, it's weird. March, a lot of pilots, a lot of musicians in March. April, the only career that's overrepresented in April over time is dictators, as it turns out. People born in April are more likely to have lower than average IQs. His birthday is, I think, 420, yeah. Yeah, and more health problems. I knew that, too. that it was 420. There was lots of jokes to be made there about LLB knowing that his birthday was 420. And I just chose not to go there. I thought, you know, you could say, what do you have that tattooed somewhere? But I thought that would be wrong. It was like the Oklahoma City bombing. Exactly. Columbine. Columbine. Potheads bit with 420, whatever that is. This makes sense for me. I was born in May.
Lots of politicians, fewer pro athletes. Hello. It's fair enough. It's fair enough. June. Bunch of CEOs. Very, very high on the Nobel Prize winners. Yeah, Jay is in June. Makes sense. He could be a CEO. I could see it. Isbell Productions. He was CEO. I was. He was, and then he sold the company to his wife. I think he's a good manager. Had a profit. I think he's a good manager. His employees work hard for him, and they love him. That's true. Now, he gives them a lot of marijuana cigarettes. That's also true. It's a marijuana company. It's a marijuana company. July. People born in July. That's Woods. Lots of manual laborers and artists. Cover artists. I'm an artist. I'm a cover artist. August. Manual laborers. High-ranking politicians. September. People in academia and sports. October. Politicians. People in October are also the most likely to live the longest. November. Lots of serial killers. Many serial killers. Born in November. Scorpius. People born in November are most prone to bipolar disorder. In December. This is L.O.B. Lots of dentists. Lots of religious and secular messiahs. Everyone from Jesus to Stalin to Chairman Mao. So there you go. Good call for you, L.O.B. Right up your alley.
It fits like a glove. Speaking of LLB, so yesterday, I go on to thefacebook.com, and I noticed that LLB had removed some post. I don't know what the post was, but she'd removed it. And in her new post, she had made reference to removing the old post. And she said, hey, look, I want to keep this positive, which was making me die of curiosity. What is this about? I called her. Immediately. He called immediately. She says, everyone can stop complaining about what? Everyone can stop complaining about the freaking weather. She says, I love it. We bitch when it rains. We bitch when it's hot. You ever just expect perfection? She says, I rode my bike down to the beach, went on a run. Perfect down there. Only a fraction of the people that were there just last weekend. So she had a lot of...
Space herself. She has to ride up a few hills to get back home. She's dying on her one gear only beach cruiser. Easy big time. That actually makes me not big time. You were working on a single gear bike. That's pretty rough. Yeah, and I was dying. So talk to me about this, Ella B. What did you post? What happened? I was feeling very... Very good. It was gorgeous outside. I had a great run. Nice workout. People were friendly. I get home and I post on Facebook. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Yes. Because it is. Fall in San Diego is the best. Right after Labor Day, it's still warm enough to go to the beach. The water's getting ahead. Is it fall? Well, it's after Labor Day. It's not quite fall. But you know what I mean? This is my favorite time because the crowds suddenly disappear. Now, do you think about it like this, though? You happen to make this fall comment on the hottest day of the year. I didn't even say fall. I said it's the most wonderful time of the year. But in your explanation, you're like, hey, look, it's fall. I love it. Who doesn't love fall? Okay. Hottest day of the year, though. But I mean fall in the sense that...
Summer technically is over, like all the tourists and stuff are gone, but it's the exact same weather. In fact, it's better weather than it was last weekend. So it's still summer weather here without the crowds. And there's an argument to be made that yesterday's weather was pretty cool. I mean, a lot of people like it. If you like heat. Yeah. But everyone started complaining. And then even when I tried to be like, hey, guys, butt and add some positivity, people were still complaining and just dripping with sarcasm. And sweat, by the way. And sweat and sweat. And I was like, that's it. You know what? Fine. She had it. You don't get to use my wall to complain. There you go. You go over to your wall because I was having a good day and trying to share the sunshine. You were just having a good time. Yeah. You weren't bothering nobody. Making a nice comment. Yeah, I was trying to promote positivity. And people just took it as an opportunity to just be pessimistic. So I was like, not on my watch. I like it. She'll get you, dude. I say, hey, I say kudos. Yeah, so then I said that they were only allowed. If they wanted to comment on the next status, it was only allowed to be positive or I was going to delete them. I like it. She's taking a stand. Yeah, you got it. It's a great day to be alive. Every day. True statement.
Sometimes you got to take a stand. That's right. And, hey, we've talked about it. Sometimes the people on the Facebook get a little overzealous and they're, you know, they can be kind of mean. Gosh darn. Well, my brother, okay, my brother, my oldest brother, Mark, he is in this gun forum, okay? And he says, he goes, explain this one to me. He says, I'm in this gun forum. He says, and this guy. He spelled some words wrong. And this other guy comes on and starts like making fun of the misspelling. He goes, and they don't know one another. He goes, and already I'm thinking that's really weird. He says, and the guy that had the misspellings doesn't respond. But another guy does with, who do you think you are? So he's stepping in, right?
He's going to step in for the guy. Stand up for the guy. On the world wide web. On the internet. Okay? In a forum about guns. Who do you think you are? And then the two of them start going tit for tat about who's smarter than the other. Where'd you go to freaking school? Wow. And I said, Mark, you don't know what that is? And he said, no. He said, I said to my wife, Joanne, I believe it's youth. I said, no. No. You thought that? He said, yeah, both these guys are young. Mark, no. It's called Internet Tough Guys. Okay? I said, and Internet Tough Guys also come in the form of 42-year-old women. Oh, yeah. That are...
hurt, sad, and fearful in their life, and subsequently, they're just angry. Yep. And one of the ways that they're able to manifest their anger, because they can't do it to their husband, their husband will tell them to shut up or to take a walk, which isn't good either. Right. They can't say it at work. They're very, at work, they're very easy to get along with because they eat it. They eat it all. All the abuse, they just eat it. You can't go into an office running mouth either all the time. You'll get canned. Yeah, you will. Yeah, you can't be the pessimist bumping along. But you also can't be the whipping boy. Right. And some people will be the whipping boy or the whipping girl. They'll take it, take it, take it. And what it makes them is mad. Yeah, for sure. And so it's like a pressure cooker. It's got to come out somewhere. Where's it coming out? Well, for a lot of people, the internets.
The WWs. And so they go on there and they light it up. And he goes, really? He said, women do that? I said, brother. They're the worst. Oh, man. The worst of the bunch from what I've seen. And I've seen a bunch. They're the worst of the bunch. Is that they're in a gun for them. Yeah. It is scary. Who do you make fun of? Nobody in a gun form. Nobody in a gun form. Mind your P's and Q's maybe in a gun form. Or a knife form. Maybe just a knitting circle. It's like, ah, your spelling's awful. Why don't you go crochet something? Yeah, you know, I've done the spelling bit to people when I got nothing else. I got nothing else on you. I'm going to get you with the spelling. Yeah. I've done it. Clearly. Clearly. Well, it's nameless. It's faceless. You don't, you know, you're not standing in front of them. A lot of the people, most of the time, you get right in front of them. There's a different story. 100%. Meek. Shy. High. High. But on the internet, once you shove it. Wow. I hope you die. Yeah. Oh, that was harsh. Oh, man. It's very harsh. I want to get rid of all of it. I want to get rid of all of it. I want all of that stuff to stop. Now, how do you stop it? How do you get it to stop? Well, it starts with letting people know, hey, you're pissed off.
Just figure out why you're pissed. Yeah. You're pissed, though. You're pissed and figure out why you're pissed and then, you know, work it out. Yeah, work through it. Our, what do you call it? Say it. Randy. What is he? Consultant. Consultant. Randy. Yeah. He wrote me an email the other day. I wrote him back. I said, I'm pissed off. And I told him all the reasons I'm pissed, right? Which, by the way, in knowing him for 12 years, I've never done. I've known him 12 years. I've never done that. I said, I'm pissed. And I'm pissed off. And I want you to know. And here's why. And I go through all this stuff. He wrote back something that I think is brilliant. Listen to this. And this is for anybody that's pissed off. If you're pissed, this can really help you. In fact, I thought to myself, I don't know I've ever saved an email like this, but I'm saving it. He says, he says, you got to ask yourself.
Can you let this feeling go? And if so, when? When can you let it go? Then release it the best you can. And anything you focus on, including those feelings, they're going to grow. So holding on to them is going to slow you down, immobilize you, and you're just like a computer that has too many programs open and running in the background. Worked for me. Yeah. It worked. It all made sense. He said that. I go, whoa. That makes sense. Smart guy. I have too many programs running. Mikey, you've got too many programs running in the background. It's identical. It's identical, Randy. Identical, Randy. I think he might be right. Might be a genius. What if somebody starts with the first on the internet? Then you can finish it, right? That's my motto. If they're first, what do you mean? Somebody starts needling me, especially on the Mikey Show fan page, I'll finish it.
Yep. So you'll come in and say something. Me and L.O.B. are one of the same. I try to be, like, not rude to them, but just let them know that I don't appreciate it. And then maybe I'll throw something witty or funny in there. Get you. To each their own. You know, to each their own. Everybody can do what they want to do. They have to expect that kind of a response. Of course. You have the comedian. You can always fall back on, hey, listen, I'm a comedian. That's what I do. See, I'm just, hey, I'm just a D. So if you get me, I'm going to get you. I just throw out a ha ha ha. The ha ha ha bit is good. They don't know if it's like I really think it's funny or if it's just like ha ha ha. I don't know if that would satisfy me. Me neither. Yeah. I just figured, you know, big talk on the internet. Rolling Stone magazine did a poll. The worst songs of the 90s. And they came up with a top 10. I liked it when it came out. I did too. When it came out, I loved it. I ain't mad at it right now. I ain't mad at it. Whatever. It's a lot worse. And I'm about to play them. That's not bad. I like it. I like it, too. I do not like this, and I never did like this, and I'll never like this. Oh, I love this song. G-I-T. Get. It hurts. Right, said Fred. Why do you love it? Because it's funny. Now, if it's like supposed to be Weird Al, okay, fine.
If it's supposed to be Weird Al, but I never got right said Fred. I'm too sexy. It's just like everybody Wang Chung tonight. It's like, come on. Nobody knows what Wang Chunging means. Like, I'm too sexy. Nobody actually says I'm too sexy. I would beat the crap out of Wang Chung if I ever saw him. Remember this? No. I didn't like this. I've never heard of it. You'll know it when the hook hits. Here it comes. No, here it comes. Then you'll go, oh. Oh, yeah. Well, he's in heaven over here. Yeah. Bringing her back to high school. Didn't like it. Still don't. Nope. It must be nostalgic. The last one for me was like middle school. They said that this is one of the worst songs of the 90s, and I strongly disagree with this one. It's a great song. It's a great song. It sings great. Are you kidding? It's a great song. I may have imagined my arms around Kate Winslet. 100%.
Once Titanic was out of my peripheral vision, I didn't want to hear this song anymore. Boy, it's powerful in that movie, though. It'll get you in that movie. Who didn't cry? You cried, right, Jay? Yes, you did. Oh, I resented crying in that. Oh, me too. I was so pissed off. I was like, I don't want to freaking cry. At that time, I hated Leonardo DiCaprio. I hated him. Like, with a passion. I like him now. I was like, he's a little bee. He's like four feet tall. He's a little bee. He's not a man. And like now I'm like, that's all right. And I watched that movie probably two weeks ago. I was in bed with my wife. Really? Just get on the door. I don't think I could watch it again. God. You guys are going to hate this. I'll admit it. Thought it was catchy. Oh, yeah. Hanson? Yeah, it's Hanson. Mbop. Catchy. Catchy like herpes. Yeah. Ooh, even now. It's a sore that won't go away. The handsome brother for Halloween one year. You were? Yeah. Oh, God. Woods, I guarantee this. I'll guarantee it with 100% certainty. You're not going to like it. But later today, you're going to be driving home. Oh, I know. And in your freaking head. Too precocious, those kids. Yeah, that little kid with the pond here. Whipping it around. Pretty, though. There's a pretty little girl. Not this one.
Worst songs in the 90s. Oh, gosh. I hate this song. I hate it, too. This is awful. It's hideous. I hated this. But every time it came on, you couldn't help. How many times in a bar? Yeah. I wish... See, I'd probably like it if I experienced that. I didn't experience that. I didn't either. I was just fat eating sandwiches, watching MTV. He drinks a vodka drink. He drinks a vodka drink. He drinks a vodka drink. Yeah. That's hideous. Chubba Wumba. Chubba Wumba. I played this next song no less, and I'm not kidding, no less than 400 times. Easily 400 times. Nothing wrong with this song. I know every word. They just played it every hour. That's what a hit it was. You leave the zero and get with the hero. I used to sit in my basement listening to this record, well, this tape, playing Sega.
You did? For hours and hours and hours. See, this is going to be unpopular. People go, that's lame. I thought that later he had a cool look. Later. I thought he did. The tats, the dark glasses. I thought he looked cool later. My bit is that he just never really knew what he wanted to be. He's always changing it up. Dude, this next one will get you. Oh, God. This is bad. Bad as it gets. That's as bad as it gets. In other words... If we're doing this at Guantanamo, I could go down to the terrorist's ear, and if I had a heart, I'd go down to his ear and I'd go, worse. This is pretty freaking bad, I tell you. I know it is. I don't like this. Yeah, I told him, sir. I told him. I'm telling him he's going to get his ass kicked again if he doesn't watch his mouth. This one is bad.
Oh, my gosh. These are the wine dancers. That's it, dude. I was wrong. I'd go down to the terrace and I'd go, I'm so sorry. You freaking lied to me. I didn't mean to lie. You lied. I forgot about the Macarena. You say, Billy Ray Sires, Macarena waivers. It's worse. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's waivers. And don't you worry about my boyfriend? Oh, gosh. That's bad. That's bad. We'll finish off the list. When we come back, we have three left. Two left. 570-1949. And don't worry, we're going to do unicorns too, so it's going to get... Plus, I want to tell you about this chick that met a guy on Facebook, and he got her to be a getaway driver. The Mikey Show. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. 570-1949. Or text them. 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up. Eventually, it's going to happen. You'll turn the key and your engine won't start. When your battery loses its power, you lose your ability to get out, get around, and get things done. With temperatures getting cooler, you may need a new battery sooner than you think. When it's time to replace your battery, trust the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts to help you choose the superstar battery that's an exact fit for your vehicle. Whether it's a reliable economy...
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This report brought to you by Rhodes Bacon Serve, Rhodes Warm and Serve, sourdough rolls, artisan sourdough rolls with a crisp outer crust and a soft, moist center. From your freezer to table in 12 minutes or less, Rhodes in your grocer's freezer. Well, we've got some backup this morning in Escondido, the 15 southbound between the 78 Center City Parkway. It's stop and go in the teens. Tough drive there. The 805 northbound between the 15 and El Cajon Boulevard. We're also seeing speeds in the 30s. Not quite as bad. like the 94 eastbound between 30th street federal boulevard that's really bad you're in the 20s there this report also brought to you by sdg and e need a new appliance sdg and e has rebates on qualified energy efficient refrigerators dishwashers room acs a whole lot more visit sdge.com save energy for details i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his legs. On FM 94.9. We'll do what Rolling Stone calls the worst song of the 90s in just a second. We've got one more left on that. So we'll do that here in just a second. Want to let you know.
Eddie Murphy is going to solo host the Oscars this year. So he is the choice. That's who you're going to see. I will be watching because he's hosting. Yeah. Love him. Still not watch. They are going away from the whole couples doing it. You know, last year it was... Anne Hathaway and James Franco. Terrible and terrible. That's what I heard. I didn't see it, but I heard it was awful. If it involves Anne Hathaway, it's got to be bad. Not true. The word of the day is circular when I say it. You're calling nine. Food fighter tickets. Boom. Tell you about the Facebook date. Turned into a getaway driver situation. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, I'm about to tell you about a surprising move in the NFL yesterday. But the sports report today is brought to you by U31 in North Park. That's where I will be watching football this season. Want you to come out and join me. Cool. So, the Jacksonville Jaguars, have they basically thrown in the towel? They cut their starting quarterback yesterday, David Garrard. And they said basically it was just...
A football move. They're going to save $9 million this year by releasing him. So Luke McCown will now be the starting quarterback. They also drafted Blaine Gabbert, who's a good quarterback, but he's a rookie. So he was picked 10th overall. Luke McCown's better than David Gerrard? Apparently. Apparently. And, you know, it's going to save them a lot of scratch, too. So he's out of a job, but I don't expect him to be out of one long. He's a pretty nice, decent quarterback. But they said he just did not win the deal outright. Also, Brock Lesnar will return to the UFC December 30th against Alistair Overeem at the MGM Grand Garden. He's been out for a while. He had diverticulitis, which is an ailment in your guts. He had a gut ailment. So he'll be back. He's only fought twice since July 2009, but we'll see how he does when he returns on December 30th. Rolling Stone Magazine says this was the worst song of the 90s right here. Listen. I missed it. You missed it. I missed it. My kid. I love this song. Oh, I love it. Hot, I wonder. Is she hot? She had blue hair. Yeah, you can't really tell. Oh, you gotta be kidding. That was a hit on the radio? Oh, yeah. I love that. I don't anymore. Don't you? 570-1949. Did we miss one? You can call us if we missed one if you think that there was a really bad song from the 90s. I know one. What? How bizarre.
That was terrible. That's a great pull. That's such a bad song. Oh my God. That may be number one. It was bad. Horrible. Okay, so here's the story with this chick. Her name is... Leah Gibbs, she's 23 years old. She meets this 21-year-old dude named Adam Minton on Facebook. And so they decide they're going to go on a date. And he says, why don't you pick me up? Now, is it me? Why did I instantly think to myself, this guy was picking on a girl who probably doesn't go on a lot of dates. I can't imagine a really sexy girl being like, yeah, sure, I'll pick you up at the casino. Which is what happened. Guy gets into the car. He's got a knife and a bag of money. He's like, drive, drive, drive. She does. They make it back to his house. He tries to get her to come inside. She finally has seen enough at this point. She decided to end the date. Weird. Cops come over. They arrest them both. She spends the night in jail. And then he finally confesses it was his idea, the plan, blah, blah, blah. They let her out. Still.
One of the sketchiest guys I've ever heard of. Oh, yeah. What if she was late? I mean, he banked on her being right on time. He banked on her being right on time. He probably told her, you gotta be right on time. Right. Can't screw this up. It's kind of smart, but criminal. Our phone screener is gross. That's gross. He says, on Saturday, there was a snake in his house. Wiener time. No. Snake. Oh, oh. The real snake. Opened the front door, saw it slithered. No way. Come here. Here comes our little angel. I would do. Of course. I'd have to. Hey, Criss-ay. Criss-ay. Hey, Criss-ay. There he is. There he is. Here I am. What happened? What kind of snake? I don't know. I have to look at the video again. I have a piece together. You videotaped it. Yeah. Scorsese over here. Nice. He's great. Well, it got in the house and then I videotaped it because I thought it would be an opportunity. Maybe you'd kill it. What did it look like? Maybe you'd kill it. No.
It looked like a little garden snake, but I'd never actually seen one before. Yeah. What color was it? Dark green. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. You're fine. Dark green. Yeah, it's good. You're good. Because I've never seen a snake outside of a cage or a glass thing. I haven't. Gosh, Woods, you don't know. If it's green, it ain't mean. Is that an old saying? Yes. If it's yeller, it's a good feller. Red and yeller. Kill a feller. So it was green. So it was green. What did you do? I got a paint bucket, an empty paint bucket, and I somehow was able to get it over the snake. And then I set a flower pot that we had on top of it so that it wouldn't go anywhere because I was freaking out. I had no idea what to do. That's a good idea. And then after that, I would have been freaked out. I was running around the house, seeing what I can get. I was trying to see if there was any tongs or anything that would be able to get it out of the house because I didn't want to hurt it. But I did one inside the house. Jay just would hate any idea he had. Any idea Chris would come up with, Chris would be like, well, I have a professional rattlesnake stick. Professional rattlesnakes. If you did that with a rattlesnake, you would come back. It wasn't rattling. It wasn't a rattlesnake. How the hell do you know?
San Diego's, what are you working in San Diego? What are you, Wild Animal Park? I got a play and I scooped it underneath the paint bucket, picked it up really fast and ran outside the door. I kind of threw it in the glass. That's exactly what I did. And it just kind of stayed there, looked at me and I was like, I'm really sorry, but I wasn't hurt. He's going to come back though, bro. Why? You fed him, right? Why wouldn't he? Because he realized that was traumatic. It was a mistake. It was pretty traumatic, I think. You guys are really giving the snake a lot of crush. A lot of brain. What's he supposed to do? Kill it? What's the snake going to do? Cut its head off. What if he goes like this? What if he goes, wow, that was fun. Snake. Snakes don't want to go back in the house. Identical snake. I don't want to go back in the house. It was very traumatic on me. Chris, I would have cut his head off. Yeah. With a booing. I didn't want the bad karma. Bad karma? You did the right thing, Chris. Karma doesn't exist. Well, A, karma doesn't exist. B,
It's a snake in your house. That's already bad karma. Your house wasn't supposed to be there. Yeah. It was his home first. You're not supposed to kill snakes. You're not supposed to kill snakes. They've got a job to do. Yeah. Getting killed by me is their job. Oh, my gosh. What if it was a spider, Jay? I'd let it go, too. Would you? I have killed snakes, but I didn't want to. I hate to do this to you. It's going to hurt me, man. It's going to hurt you. I like to look. I just don't like to kill. That's the deal. Listen, I like to look at y'all, but I don't like to kill you. But I will if I have to. If I have to. I will. I talked to Perry yesterday. You did? That's creepy. I didn't talk. Why are you creeping on? Well, she is a redhead. She is a redhead. That's it. Wow. Creeper. Powered out. Just powered me. Sniff around somebody's... New girl? Yeah. So what did you guys talk about? You're married, aren't you? Yeah. Just let him enjoy his fruits. This is painful. This is all painful. Yeah, well. She wrote me. Oh. Thank you. She replied. Okay. No. She wrote me. She said, hey, I heard the podcast. Sorry, I was at school when you guys were talking about the date and blah, blah, blah. And I wrote her back and said something very nice about my friend Chris.
If she's available at some point, we'd like to talk to her because Chris went on a date with her. They got along. I don't want to talk about it too much, though, because I don't want to jinx it. They're getting married. My dad said he heard Woods say that yesterday, and he was like, that's not happening. Zello B. Yeah, I never said marry. That would be absolutely contrast of all my advice. Yeah. Woods, his advice has to do with what he calls... closing business. Yes. Which is just hideous. And Perry's not that kind of girl. No. As far as we know. And Chris isn't that kind of guy. Mr. Perry's dad. Chris's dad. Wood's just really trying to get that going in Chris. Just corrupt. Just corrupt. Corrupt. No. It's alright. Not okay. So your dad doesn't want you to get married, Chris? Not this soon, no. Well, yeah, he's 21, 22. Let him sow his oats for another 15, 16 years. He'll be fine. I'll tell you this, ladies. Got a thing right here from Match.com that says, this is why guys are out on you. This is what they say. They go, I wasn't ready for a serious girlfriend. Heard it. Well, most of the time, if a guy's young, he's probably not. You know, a lot of times. Sometimes he is. Or if he's 36. I've definitely heard that, too. Is your boyfriend Matt Commerce? No, no, no. I'm talking about past relationships. Okay. He's younger than me. Is he really? Yeah. I did not know.
How old is boyfriend Matt Commerce? He's 30, but my birthday is first. Got it. Got it. The next one, the guys say this. They go, yeah, she's too self-absorbed. She gabbed at me like a girlfriend. Made me feel uncomfortable. She had no problems telling me the minutia of her life. She was very focused on how she was coming across, and I wasn't feeling it. Is this Woods writing this stuff? About himself or about a girl? About girls. You have it all like a girlfriend? I don't get it at all, but I guess mean. And boom goes the dynamite. Was that the intent? There's an insult in there somewhere. Somewhere. I'm not sure where her is. If I think long and hard, I'll find it. Guys go, I don't want to deal with any confrontation. Yeah, that's a true statement. Back right out of that.
Don't want to deal with a confrontation, and that will happen when you're dating for a little while, and then they start to kind of corner, and they want to know answers to things, questions. Hey, LOB, it's okay, I think, after a period of time. Wow. I do. About everything, though? Define everything. Everything. All-encompassing. Every single thing. Every single thing. Rebecca was upset at me this weekend because I told her that she was talking too loud. I thought she was shouting. I had just done a nasal rinse. This is what it's like to be married, just so you know. If you're not married right now, let me tell you what, this is what marriage looks like. Your husband, who's fat, gets up, walks into the bathroom, and sticks a tube in his nose and sprays water into it to rinse his sinuses out. And then after he does that, in his underwear, stands over a mat, spreads his legs apart, leans over, and goes, then turns his head to one side.
And goes, other side. All the while, stuff dripping out of the nose. Onto the floor? Onto the mat. Onto the mat. He puts a special mat out. Yeah, a special mat. Then I walk over to, there's nothing, all it is is saline coming out. There's nothing coming out. Just saline. And I walk over to the sink. And then I have a roll of paper towels underneath the sink. Take that out. One sheet. Then I get in bed with my beautiful wife. Who's on the computer. And we started to talk. I wanted to talk about... I wanted to talk about... Oh, I can't remember. But I wanted to talk about something. And she had some really good insight on it. And I said, hey, can you lower your voice? Oh, wow. And she goes, why? And I said, I think it's because I did the nasal rinse, but you're really loud. She goes, hmm. So, since we've met...
You've told me no less than 100 times how quietly I speak. I was thinking the same thing. I said, babe, I tell you that on the freeway where there's 92 decibels of an engine and you're saying you said to Jamie something about dessert? That got your attention. So she was irritated. Yeah, I have her back. You always talk about how quiet. Rebecca can't be loud. No. I'm telling you. How loud? I won't exaggerate. Babe, if you're listening, what were we talking about? Because I really enjoyed the conversation. I was having a fun time. You had to ruin it, didn't you? You did. You ruined it. You were having a good time. You had to ruin it. I wanted to say it 90 seconds before I did. And I didn't. You should have swallowed it. I couldn't, dude. It was...
All right. You asked for it. Okay. So we're side by side in bed. And so I... Not. No chance. No way possible. Her voice has never been that loud. Okay. If you've got a quiet voice, but you're doing it loud, even if it's quiet and it's loud, it's loud. Now, I did the thing where I was like, you know what I'll do? I'll talk like this. And then she'll be like, oh, we're doing that. So quiet. I go, you don't say. What do you mean? Well, I think it has a lot to do with where, you know, what you're thinking and where you are, kind of like, you know, where your state of mind. And I said, why? Oh, hi. You're screaming right now. Yeah. Was I talking this time? No. It was considerably louder. So was it? Really? It was louder. Interesting. Baby, honey, what were we talking about? We were talking about Microsoft Outlook. Weird. That's some hot pillow talk. Oh, that's right. We were talking about Outlook, and I wanted you... Wait, wait, wait.
And I wanted you to explain to me why it's so great, because she has to have outlook. She's got to have it. Hey, you're screaming at me. Oh, boy. Now you're screaming. Now you are screaming. Mike's a loud talker, too, Rebecca. I know. You guys, like, just hearing him talk. First of all, I can't believe you're saying this on the radio. I love you. I love you. You're dead. You're dead. Yeah, you must like me being mad at you. I don't. I love you. You better pick up some flowers, my friend. Didn't I apologize? Listen, I was so irritated at you. No, it was beyond irritation. I was mad. I was mad at you. And hearing the conversation again just makes me mad again. I'm mad all over again. You guys, my entire existence with him is... What, babe? What? What? I can't hear. I've heard it. Oh, yeah, I've heard it. I've heard it a million times. And it's not even like, what, babe? Can you speak up?
I can't hear you, you know? And he's, like, mean about it. And he's irritated about it. Sounds just like it. How's that? What? I've heard it, Rebecca. I've heard it, too. Oh, my gosh. It can be. She's got a very feminine, low, tiny voice. Including over the weekend when we were talking about Outlook. And I wanted to talk about it again. I said. I apologize. I said, I'm sorry. You can't get back from that. Like, I've done it. There's no recovery. I've done it to Jamie. We can't get out of this relationship, though. Why can't we get back? We're not leaving. We live together. We're married. Yeah, yeah, but you can't. You were having a good time, and you ruined it. You ruined it. Yeah, and first of all, he put up a fight about it. Oh, yeah, of course he did. He did it immediately and go, yeah, you know what? You're right. That was kind of a jerk move.
He put up a fight about it and was telling me why. But nicely, you have a nice fight. Why he had the right to do that and why I shouldn't be mad about it. I said, hey, I just did the nasal rinse. I think my ears are sensitive. Maybe you just choke on that one. I've done it. It never works. You're right. I'm wrong. You're right about this one. Finally, finally, he apologizes. And at this point, I'm so mad at him. And I'm just like, oh, I don't even want to talk to you. And so a second goes by of quiet, and he goes, so anyway, Microsoft Outlook. And I literally looked at him and said, no. Yeah, not now. And I go, babe, come on. It was fun. It was really fun. You were enjoying yourself. You need to lean over then and just start tickling her. You have to. At that point, you have to. Babe, I'm going to do that. I'm going to start tickling you. If you had started tickling me, I probably would have punched you. That would have been my exact response. It works every time. I love you, my angel. Goodbye.
If we all put in for the lottery every week. And Woods is sick. Jay is sick. Jay is sick. No, no, no, no. Woods is sick. Just stew on it. We'll be back. Part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949Mikey at gmail.com. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about ovation cell therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great. I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean, person that will go unnamed. It's the advanced formula from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who, despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back.
So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount. Hey, listen. Summer's over and that means back to school time. All right? So there's more drivers on the road. There's more traffic. There's more buses. Maybe you're getting a new car. You could be a student. driving to school, all of these reasons are reasons for you to be calling AIS. They're going to make sure you got good coverage, that you're not overpaying. And how do they do it? They shop for you. They're your personal shopper. Dozens of insurance companies. They find the best rates for you. They go out there. They look for discounts. You can get up to 20% off your good driver. 15% off, you get multiple policies with them. 20% off, you're a good student. There are so many people listening right now that that is you. So, average person saving 500 bucks a year, why not get in on this? I'm talking about AIS, my favorite. I've been with them for so long. I mean, we worked together, The Mikey Show and AIS, for so long because I believe in them. 800-777-4247. You ready? This Friday.
Find out why critics are calling warrior phenomenal. Riveting. I got a family to protect. Everything I do is for them. Incredible. You saved my life. I'm proud of you, Tom. Astonishing. This is impossible. And see why Rolling Stone calls it fiercely moving. You got him. They pulled off a miracle. Warrior to PG-13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. theaters everywhere friday denny's mac and cheese big daddy patty melt makes me feel like i'm at the end of a rainbow because it's the treasure i've been searching for and if you want to get a little cheesy you can find it too it's part of the new let's get cheesy menu which must be a thief because starting at 4.99 it's a steal only at denny's america's diner is always open For a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. At Boar's Head, we work hard to make our oven gold turkey the best it can be. It's pure turkey breast, slow roasted the old-fashioned way. But there's a downside to such excellence. Boar's Head Oven Gold is a magnet for lunch thieves. You open up the office fridge and find your oven gold turkey sandwich has been stolen, pilfered, pinched. So what can you do?
Well, you could get a cheap turkey sandwich from a sandwich chain, something made from ground-up parts, preservatives, and fillers like seaweed extract. Nobody's going to steal that. Or you could stand by your oven gold turkey and take defensive measures, invest in a padlocked lunchbox, set up a fridge cam, or simply eat your lunch at 10 a.m. before anyone has a chance to steal it. Sure, it's a little extra effort, but a great turkey sandwich needs protecting. And oven gold is the best there is. Boar's Head, compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month. Way less than those other guys. And an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zio's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered Zio for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart.
So, Cricket. Limited time offer. Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricket Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricket or MyCricket.com today. So smart, so Cricket. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied? What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow. flowing act now and try instant storefront free for three months visit chase.com slash storefront to get started instant storefront take a step forward and chase what matters merchant services agreement with chase payment tech and chase business checking account required and subject to approval restrictions apply offer expires september 30th 2011 and applies to kiosk package only see chase.com slash storefront for complete details jp morgan chase bank enemy member of tic
Hey there, Padres fans. This is Tim Foreman from Switchfoot. Come see us play here in our hometown of San Diego at Petco Park following the Padres game Sunday, September 18th. Catch your Padres as they take on the Arizona Diamondbacks Sunday, September 18th at 105. And stay for a post-game concert featuring San Diego's own Switchfoot. The concert is free after the game with a paid ticket. Don't wait. Get your tickets today at Padres.com slash Switchfoot. I'm one degree away from making myself more valuable. American Public University has more than 75 online degrees. I'm one degree away from standing out. American Public University has been nationally recognized by the Sloan Consortium for Best Practices in Online Education. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about an accredited online university, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. Chronic Tacos now has two locations, one in Encinitas and one in Solana Beach. They offer fast, fresh Mexican food from third-generation recipes. Grab breakfast all day or maybe some fish, shrimp, fajitas, or fries. You can customize your entree any way you like it with their fresh ingredients. Check out eatchronictacos.com.
This report is brought to you by California Citrus Pest and Disease Prevention Program. Save your citrus. The Asian citrus psyllid can carry a disease that will kill your citrus trees. Visit CaliforniaCitrusThreat.org. Learn how you can protect your backyard tree. Well, we do have some slowing this morning out at Escondido, the 15 southbound between Center City Parkway and Via Rancho Parkway. Very slow. Buckman Springs Road at Phelps Road, an injury accident here. Car and a trash truck. They're now in a ditch, and the person appears to be injured. An ambulance is responding. Looks like the 79 before Perlotta Road, there's an injury accident there. A pickup truck rolled, landed sideways on a hill. Somebody's trapped inside of that. And the 15 southbound Valley Parkway, an accident. Car and a motorcycle. That bike is in the center divider. This report, it's brought to you also by Burger King. Burger King Tri-Delicious Croissantwich paired with Seattle's Best Coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, perfectly cooked eggs, American cheese, your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird Sir Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for you Wednesday morning. Brought to you by Guayaki Urbamate.
Drink it morning, noon, and night. It'll treat you right, because that's what I do. Surf-wise today, not so right out there. Looking a lot weaker than it has been, obviously. All good things must come to an end, and this thing has tapered quite a bit off. Looking at that southwest swell, still being dominant, but much, much weaker, as you would expect. And some west-northwest crossing it up. Need a waist-high, maybe a chest-high wave on average. Further up in the north county, you might still grab a shoulder-high wave or two, but definitely on the fading side. Looking pretty nice this morning. Just some high clouds or thin clouds, I should say, has that tropical feel again. Looks like it'll burn off to another hot and sticky one, that's for sure. Calm winds right now, clean conditions. That's going to conflict with the water temperature, though. That temp's dropped pretty far down there, about 57 in the north county and down in the low 60s, south county too. So full suits now are becoming almost required. So for up-to-date surf reports forecast, you go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair needs, of course, you go see my pal Joe Roper at Roper's Righteous Repairs on Marina Boulevard. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 authentic surf report. I have had enough. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Things happen. I got diarrhea. Woods.
I have two speeds. I have stop and go. Lauren. So everybody knows how I feel about bottled water. I hate it. And Jay. They said there's breastfeeding out there. I was like, I'm in. Check, check. One, two, three, check. On FM 94.9. That is a good song. Word of the day has not been said yet. It's circular. I'll say it sometime between now and 10 when I do. And you're calling nine. You get Foo Fighter tickets. 17th of October, Viejas Arena. I do unicorns at 8 o'clock. Exceptional. Singers, and we want to get your input. Who is a unicorn? A unicorn is somebody that's so good that it's like watching a unicorn run down the street. It's that rare. You're like, this kind of talent won't be around again. When they're gone, that's it. Say what you want about Celine Dion. I mean, listen, I don't own a Celine Dion record, but I'll tell you, she's a unicorn. She's a freak. She's a freak. Freak of nature. Freaking nature. So this dude.
is 39 years old his name's edward hairston and he has uh been an employee along with 22 other employees at a place called craft made kitchen cabinet company in jefferson ohio we are connected to ohio with mega millions with a bunch of other states mega millions is a bunch of states california new york uh ohio we all play in this big lottery and it's cool because you got Well, your chances are lower because you've got more people buying it, but, you know, there's a big jackpot. So for the past eight years, this dude, Edward Hairston, has paid $5 a month to participate in the lottery pool with his coworkers, all right? He's worked there 14 years. He hurt his back earlier this year, went on medical leave, and didn't make his monthly payment in June, July, or August. Now, understand, dude's in this thing. It's a known deal. Hey, I'm a part of the pool. The guy broke his back. Probably nobody thought to go, hey, dude, I know you're at home. Just in case we hit the lottery, you're good for your five, right? And a 15 bucks you owe us for the last three months. Listen, I'm just going to take it. Dude's good for it. Maybe that's me. Now, they hit the jackpot.
Oh, my God. And they decide he's out. Holy cow. He hasn't paid. He admits it. He says, look, I'm $15 behind. I broke my back. I'm at home. Yeah. I'm a part of this thing. I'm on Percocet. Yes. Late up. Oh, happy. So he says, I'm suing. And the judge says. Set aside $2 million until we know what the outcome is. Wow. Because $2 million might be going to him. If I'm a jury, I know what I'm going to hear. Right. I'm going to hear, hey, he didn't pay. This trial should last 20 minutes. Yep. He's been in it. He hurt his back. He hasn't paid. That's my, need I say more? He's not entitled to any money he didn't pay. If they can establish precedent. Right.
Precedent. Precedent has been established. Yeah, in the case of Isbell versus Woods in the state of California in 1996, same thing happened, and Jay won, so... There you go. Now, there's no doubt about it. If we were in a pool for the lottery on this show, and Woods hurt his back, and we won the lottery, Jay would say, hallelujah, we're spitting it three ways. Three ways. Me, Mackie, and L.O.B. Sorry, Wood. You're out of the money, buddy. 100%. That's weak. Hey, you're not paying. You're not in. I'll give you the $15. Take it out of my $2 million. Would the guy have given the $15 if he didn't win? Yeah. And you wouldn't. Yeah, you owe. Me? I would. You wouldn't. You wouldn't come back. When you come back to work and you want to get back and you start giving your money, you're like, here's my $5. They're like, well, you still owe us $15. Oh, that's right. Here's $20. Would you maintain? But I wasn't here for that.
You guys still bought lottery tickets. We're in a pool. Because you didn't give me the numbers either. No, we're in a pool. They probably do the quick pick. Every time I've done it, we've always like, here are my numbers and here's my five bucks. Okay, let's assume it was quick pick. That shouldn't make a difference. It shouldn't. It shouldn't make a difference at all. You would absolutely come back and go, dude, I didn't play. I didn't know you guys were going to include me. No, I would pay. If it was something we'd done for 14 years or however long he's been there, yeah, I would pay. How about a phone call then? Hey, guys, I'm still in. I brought my back, so my back's there. Nothing else to do. Might not be the first thing on his mind. Right. His lotto pool. Watching TV. It's unbelievable. Guy's unbelievable. He's unbelievable. He is a unicorn. Yes. You don't see many like that. Here's what's insane about the Jacef. Who is extraordinarily popular on the Facebooks. I had no idea. I worked side by side with that guy. How many years, Jay? Oh, 15. No idea. No idea what a goldmine he was. Right. He'd have been on the Mikey show a long time ago. Yeah, for sure. I had no idea. He'd come into meetings once a week. Real affable. Nice. Smile. Little notepad. Hey, guys. Hey, Dad.
Hey, Mikey. Can't stand you. What's that? I'll build you something. What do you need, Bill? What do you need? I would. Always liked Jay. Always thought Jay was a cool guy. Had no idea that what was actually behind that man was the weirdest ideas I've ever heard. No question. We started doing the show, we meet once a week. Sometimes we meet three times a week. Sometimes five. Sometimes five. Sometimes seven. Sometimes double meetings in one day. Right. And Jay... It used to be, he's cleaned up his act, but it used to be that he would come in and he'd either, it was one of two things. Morbidly sad. Yes. Or horrifically pornographic. Now when I say horrific, I mean like German, Japanese, you know, anime, pornography. It would make the porn stars blush. Yeah, porn stars would be like, that's filthy. I'm not doing that.
I'm not going to do that topic. I'm not going to talk about that. Mike, just listen to the idea before you turn it down. That's always the preemptive. Yes. Now, Mike, you might not like this one. But I'm going to throw it on. If you don't like it, fine. The ones I like to hear the most are the ones he goes, eh. Yes. Oh, yeah. I don't think I want to read that. And we're like, wait, what? Come on, read it. Read it. Read it. No, forget it. Forget it. And sometimes I'll be, you know, we'll all be in a hurry and we won't hear it because we're just in a hurry. But most of the time we go, what, what, what? What is it? What is it? What is it? It's called stripper sandwich. Yeah. It's me, whipped cream, chocolate sauce in between two strippers. Mike. So? That's touching. Are you in? Hey, we cater mostly to guys. They love it. They love it. I have my hands tied. I won't be touching them. Yeah. They'll be touching me. Touching me. Hey, Mike, it's not going to be like we're not going to have sex. Gosh. It ain't weird. Geez, haven't you ever rubbed up against someone? Yeah. What about at the airport, on a bus, on a train? That's my other favorite thing. He'll take a really dirty idea, and it starts out, the premise is dirty. Yeah. I will give resistance, and so he'll try to make a dirty idea work in my world. Yeah. So he'll go like this. He'll go, Mike, what do you think about how many guys can we get in an elevator with a bunch of naked girls?
And I'll be like, I'll look at him with squinted eyes and I'll go, what are you, dude? No. No. And he goes, wait, wait, wait. What if it was like a safety thing? And it's like, hey, how many people can fit in an elevator? And I go, why don't we just do that? I don't know because I thought it's different. It's cool if they're naked. Yeah, we were trying to attract men. We like men. We want to get men to listen to the show and they like naked women in it. But, Jay, they can't see it. I know. That's what's cool. I'm the guy in there. Mike, pretend you're at church, all right? Let me make this work for you. Make it work for you. You're at church. There's a fire. Okay? The door gets melded shut. Yes. All right? Y'all got to stay in there for six months. But that's not realistic. A door getting melded shut? You know what I mean, Mike. Just go with it, Mike. Just go with it. Gosh darn it. Just hear the idea. That's why he'll bring 37 ideas to a meeting because he knows. Mike's going to shoot down the dirty one. Try to wear you down. How about that beaut yesterday? That just absolute heck was that. I liked it. How could you possibly? What are you talking about? Home of the brave. Home of the brave. That is a good idea. He's now gone from the morbidly sad, which example of that, Mike, what do you think about
We asked people that lost anybody in Hurricane Irene. Lost anybody? There was like four people that died. I know, but with all our listeners, somebody's got to know somebody that died. You know, it's breast cancer month. We get survivors. Yeah, and just talk about it. Or victims. Yeah. Families of victims. That is next month, actually. Right. This was a very happy idea. We'll talk about hair falling out and stuff like that. And just, you know, a lot of people can relate. Well, I can relate, Jay. I've got family members. Ditto. I don't want to talk about it on the radio. It's sad, isn't it? All right, all right. Never mind, never mind. All right, my next one. Never mind. Come on, Jerry, what is it? What is it? Come on. All right, what's the saddest puppy that you ever had to see get hit by a car? I got seven dogs. No, dude, it'll get people, though. Mikey, you like, like, you know, emotional gay stuff, and you're always doing that. You like it, right? What? No. I don't bring the room down. Home of the Brave. Home of the Brave. Now it's weird. It's weird ideas. Home of the Brave. It doesn't get weirder than Home of the Brave. That was his idea. That was the idea. How long can you hold the note? Now, I always say, I always go, what about Joe from Escondido? And what I mean by that is, what about the average Joe?
Are we going to have them call in? They'll see in their car. How long can I go? I bet not as long as me. And I go, can we try it? Sure. Okay, so here's what we do. Let's talk about... First day of school for a lot of kids yesterday, huh, guys? Yep. A lot of kids going to school. Starting kindergarten. Starting kindergarten. A lot of people starting grade school yesterday. And so, boy, you know, a lot of parents are really thinking about that. It's on their mind. And they are talking about it. It's harder for most parents than it is actually for the kid. For the kid. Yeah. And so we are... It's an exciting day. Exciting day for the kid. For both. Yes. Nervous excitement. Nervous excitement. You never, I mean, your first day of school, every year you remember. You got to worry about your lunchbox. You got to worry about your haircut. Wouldn't mom pack me? It's a tuna sandwich. Am I going to get laughed out of the cafeteria on the first day? Is my teacher going to be nice? Right. What about picking the kid up? That's a big deal. How did it go? I'm going to tie my own shoes. Look at it. Chris loves it. He's dying laughing. He's dying laughing. That wasn't my best effort.
Have you been practicing? Yeah. Imagine this creep. Imagine that creep driving down the road. He's passing by La Jolla Village Drive. Yeah, so we were going to, I guess, get a stopwatch. Mike was going to go. Then I was going to go. You know what it was? He wanted to show off how much lung capacity he had. How he can hold his breath under the water. Just call it a wiener measuring contest next time. Hey, Mike, can we do a thing where we weigh our crotch? Why, Jay? Well, maybe because some people be different. Why not? Like, you know, Lauren's going to be different and yours and everybody's going to be different. And then, like, we'll do it on the show. Let's do it like a fat measuring thing, too. Yeah. Body fat. Body fat. Body fat measuring. Well, that's a great idea. With health being a big deal, why don't we see who's got the highest BMI? Let's do guess your weight. Guess your weight. Oh, wow. I've got the least body fat? You don't say. Let's do resting heart rate. We'll get a checkoscope right up to the mic.
Oh, my goodness. Five. That's weird. I didn't know. I didn't even know you could live with a five. After that, we can do cholesterol tests. Yeah. If y'all want to. Here we go. Blood pressure. Blood pressure. All right. I'll read them. Here we go. Uh-oh. Look at this. Mikey's body fat measurement. Forty-nine. That's nine points over morbidly obese. Now J's. Oh, five percent. I wonder if anybody will do. better. Dang, I never knew. Oh, look. L.O.B. 6%. Oops. Sorry, L.O.B. Guys, home of the brave. Home of the brave. And you're 100% right. It's to show off. It is not. His lung capacity. It's just fun. I thought it was funny. Yeah, it's just fun. L.O.B. wanted to do it. L.O.B. wanted to do it. Me and Woods looked at L.O.B. like, you freaking creep. Yeah, creeps. Encouraging that. What's the matter with you? Home of the brave. Percentage of chance. People on Facebook.com. Brilliant. Brilliant, Jay. It was brilliant. Oh, my gosh. You're a comedic genius. Thank you. How do you do it, Jay? LOL.
at Jay Isbell. My life is better because of Jay. Thank you. You're welcome. Please more of Jason R. Isbell ideas. You got it. I wish that people could be in here during our meetings. Oh my God. If we had like a behind the scenes TV crew, you would die if you heard this stuff. Oh my God. Sometimes I'm not in the mood. I'll be laying on the beanbag. Yeah. And I'm just like, next dude. Please have a good idea. Next. Come on, Jay. I know. I work hard on my ideas. You worked hard printing them out. Wood, you lost your in-laws to cancer. Let's talk about that. Like, holy crap. When did it hit you the most? Does it still hurt you every holiday? Mike, this one may be close to you, but have you ever been betrayed on your radio? If it's too close to home, fine. Wood, let's do adoption mishaps. Adoption horror story. Hey. What's the most you've ever lost, money-wise, when adopting a kid? Let's talk to old spinsters whose eggs are drying them. L.O.B. Holy crap. I'm serious, though. You should really talk to a doctor. You might want to freeze some of those. Holy cow. Amazing. And those comments will actually... Here's my favorite thing, too. Woods and L.O.B. will do this thing with him.
where they will take little shots at him during the meeting. Oh, little shots. So Jay will be saying something, and L.O.B. will be sitting, listening, and she'll get this giant smile on her face, and she'll be, like, kind of blocking her mouth with her hand, and she'll go, copy and paste up from some website. Kills us. All the rest of us come. Kills us. Yeah, I have numbered ideas on a Word document. One, here's my idea. Two, yeah, it took me five hours to come up with these five ideas. Jay comes in. He's got 80. 80. 80 ideas. And they're all printed in different fonts, and they're not numbered. I'm like, where the hell did you get them? They're mine. I made them up. That's my ideas. I came up with them. It scares me to death. Why don't you show prep every once in a while? Yeah. Seriously. Oh, it's the greatest thing ever. It's so fun. Oh, yeah. There it is. Already starting on the Facebook page. You're brilliant. Oh, boy. It's already starting. All the J love. Home of the... If I had come up with that idea... Oh, I would have slayed you. And you're right. Like Wood says, you know, like the treatment... Listen, I say this all the time.
I'm fair. I'm not equal. I'm fair. I'm not equal. And what I mean by that is that it's like kids with your kids. Your kids are different. You have to react to your kids in different ways. Some kids, they need more. Like, I expect Woods. I expect certain things from Woods. I would have got a call after the meeting. A hundred percent. A call on the drive home. A hundred percent. With Jay, I know that's what we're getting. We're getting dark, morbid, creepy, weird. Okay, this is weird, but what about all those porpoises that get caught in fishing nets? Isn't that like a thing? That's sad. Let's say they're already dead. Would you eat one? Jay, why? Let's ask the audience. Is that still a thing? How hungry are you, Mike? How hungry? Would you ever order grilled porpoise? I mean, it's dead. What if he's Japanese? Well, yeah, I guess I would, but is that interesting? Okay, what about this? What about all the stuff Asians eat? That's actually pretty interesting. I'd like to know. But Asians with cancer or AIDS or terminally ill. And do they eat cats? That's it. L-O-B, that's my next idea. What, did you look at my sheet? My next idea is...
Dogs Asians eat. What do y'all think? No, Jay! No! We can't do that. Unbelievable. Unicorns are next. Goldmine. Unicorns are next. You can call us with your unicorns, by the way. Thing to happen. I love this guy. Since the Duke sex scandal. More from the Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, go, go. This is The Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. Now, here's the deal. All the speed you need at a great price with AT&T, that's what AT&T guarantees you. $14.95 a month for an entire year, whole year term. It's a one-year price guarantee. You get to pocket the extra money that you're going to be saving every month.
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Compete against me and other M1s. Pick the most and you'll score a tailgate at home catered by Expressly Gourmet. Awesome. Sign up now at FM949SD.com. This report is brought to you by Rhodes. Bake and serve so good, so easy. Rhodes warm and serve soft white dinner rolls from your freezer to table in 12 minutes or less. Rhodes warm and serve rolls in your grocer's freezer. Escondido on the 15 northbound via Rancho Parkway. We've got a van stuck in the center divider. Also, the 94 westbound before 25th Street, a two-car crash. The 5 northbound after Sassafras Street, we've got three pieces of metal in the number three lane. Some cars have run over. Others are... are swerving so they can avoid it. Not good on the tires. This report brought to you by 99 Cents Only Stores. 99 Cents Only Stores has great deals on brand name school supplies like PlaySchool, Avery, PaperMate, plus teachers. You get your classroom supplies for only 99.99 cents each. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better.
with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. I will. And he will. We'll do unicorns in a second. I'll be so cool. No, you guys are both smirking. Listen, I'll be so cool. I'm so cool right now. LLB, I'm cool. Look. He's cool. I'm so cool. I'm laid back. We cool? We cool. We cool. We cool. Are we cool? Are we cool? We're cool. We're cool. L.O.B. Don't say it. Well, here's the thing. We're supposed to do unicorns here. We will. We will. L.O.B. I shouldn't have told you guys. But you did. That's a true statement. That is true. That is a true story. Great. And I said, please. And that's all I got out of my mouth. She goes, no. I go, L.O.B., please. Please.
Please let us discuss it. Poor girl. And the music is already starting. And I go, please, please. And the music is starting. And I'm like trying to talk her into it. And she's just looking at me shaking her head. No. And I go, I go, it'll be fine. It's a thing that people happen. Happens. Happens. Woods. What? I'm cool, man. You're delighting way too much in this. Don't say her name. I'm cool. I'm so cool. Should I read it or do you want me to give it to you? No, I want you to read it. Oh, come on. I don't want to mess it. I don't want to. I don't want. Thank you. All right. You guys have to be nice. She wrote L.O.B. Yes, and you guys have to be nice. She's sweet. L.O.B.'s sweet. We won't say her name. Uh-uh. Go ahead. I'm looking at Woods. Hey, L.O.B. I've been living with my roommate for a couple months now, and she's been great. We like to do girly stuff like get manicures and pedicures together, and she also likes to go out and party with me. Lately, she's been borrowing my clothes. I normally wouldn't mind, but she's a lot bigger than me, and the clothes look ridiculous on her. They give her a muffin top, and she's also stretching them out. You guys, stop! That's where she got. That's where she got. That's where she got. There's one more, and she's serious.
Oh, my gosh. Should I tell her that she's too big for my clothes and she's ruining them? Bring on the big ones. Jay! Marcy, you're too big for my clothes. Marcy. Janet, you're wearing out my freaking sweaters. You're freaking busting them. You're breaking them. You're breaking them. They're broken. My pants are now 34 long, okay? They're man's pants now. It's a very delicate situation for women. What? They wear a spree. And now I look like MC Hound. My sister used to borrow my clothes when she was bigger than me, bustier than me. And I would be like, you stretch out all my sweaters. What will you say? Irritated. And I, it was a...
situation where you can't help. It's like getting hit with a little mallet in the knee. It's not funny. It isn't. No, it's not. Muffin top is not funny. No, the word muffin top isn't funny. The fact that I'm a man and have one isn't funny. Fair enough. I have a little one. She's serious. It's a locker closet. Man. Lock the fridge, too. Marissa, how come there's a... Why is there a craftsman lock on your closet? Do you have a key? Yeah. It's a combo lock. Yes. I'm not going to give you the combination. I'm not going to steal. Not a question. Mikey. What? I'm saying that it is a thing that happens. Stop using obese Mikey voice for her roommate. I'm not giving you the combination. Stop. No. No, I just like to protect my stuff. Moths and stuff.
So you put a locker? Yeah. Moths hate locks. But it's locked like a storage locker. Right. I know. I have the combination. It's my stuff. I like to keep it protected. But I just... I need a camisole. Do you have camisole? Not cute ones. Yours are camisales. So... Stop, Woods. Well played. I feel bad for both of them. That's awkward. Real worse for the girls getting their stuff stretched out. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what to say. The other one obviously has no shame. Like, I don't know if she's anorexic or pregnant, but her sweaters just hang on her. Hang on her. The other one's an eight and a two. You know what I mean? It's like you don't do that. Listen, I'm a chubbier guy, and I try to hide mine as best I can. I don't want to borrow. I'm not wearing J-shirts. Dude.
I wouldn't want to borrow Jay's shirts because I don't need the humiliation. Right. Why does a girl want to borrow clothes from a girl that's of a different body type? Don't do it. Because if you do, aren't you going to go, this doesn't fit? No. Sometimes they try to make it fit. So that they can say, oh, I'm a size 3'2". I'm a size 3 as well. Well, you're a size 32. I'm sure I've stretched out people's clothes before. It's awkward. Have you? What, like 4-year-olds? I'm taller and I've got hips and stuff like that. I used to wear it. I had a roommate in college who was 5'1", 5'2". I probably stretched out her stuff trying to be like, yeah, this fits. Like a baby T on me. Imagine wearing one of Jay's t-shirts. First of all, if he switched shirts with me right now, this shirt would look like a little kid that has his dad's t-shirt on. It would hang down to his knees. I would look ridiculous. Big top. What's he got on? This is a little blousey today. Yesterday, skin tight. Yeah. She should just tell her that she doesn't want her borrowing her clothes, period, anymore. That's comfortable. She's just weird about it. That's comfortable. She's gone from being completely not weird about it to totally.
totally, completely, and wholly weird about it. Maybe just move out. Yeah, I would do a midnight move. Run. You would wake up, and my part of the apartment would be cleaned out, and I'd be gone, and I'd leave some rent money for you, but I'd be gone. I would just tell her that it's like, hey, I've got a weird thing about my clothes. I don't like people to wear them. It's too late, though. She's already set a precedent doing it. I haven't said anything, but we're good friends now. Marissa, everyone's here, ma'am. It's empty. What? Surf is gone. Stop doing that, boys. Nightstand's gone. Lamps are gone. Troy, our mutual cat is gone. Mutual cat. Mutual cat. Mikey, stop. Stop doing that. You are mean. I am not. You guys are both mean. I'm not. We're fat. We're both fat. We're good. We're allowed. Come on. You don't know if this girl's fat. I don't.
And I'm sorry. She said muffin top. She said muffin top. Well, I have a muffin top if I wear stuff too small. Oh, boy. Everybody does. Let's see that. You are so creepy. I'm just saying. Let's see that. This is co-worker slash sister. Let's see. Does it look like picture number three in the face? Yeah. Creep. Album four, picture three. Don't matter how many you see. Can't get enough. Nice snowflakes. I'm just looking all different. Unicorns. They are so good as performers slash singers or whatever. They're as rare as a unicorn running down the street. When you hear them, you go, you're never going to be another one like that. Jay, his unicorn. He's right. It's his unicorn. It gives me chills. It's a party or two. She'll throw down with you, Jay. Who would have thought? Now, this was her pre-recorded national anthem. I don't care. Me neither. Sounds good.
That was the big hubbub. She did this amazing national anthem. It was recorded. It's still her. It's still her. Yeah. Never be another one. No. The way people sang it. Yeah. I mean, it was so good it freaked people out on that Super Bowl. L.O.B.'s unicorn. Great one. Mariah. It's unicorn. At least a very small percentage of the human population can do what she does. Right. I used to. I can sometimes do that. The thing that she does. Identical. Yeah. Easy miraculous. Pegasus. The United States is not kind to women as they get older. No. They're not? Mm-mm. Tony Bennett's 145. He's classic. He's a classic. Willie Nelson. Willie's like a turd. I think you guys just made the point. Right. Woodsy's unicorn. I agree. Chino Moreno.
Don't you shake your head at me. Oh my God, that's incredible. That voice is like the smoothest velvet. I don't deny that he's a good parent. Nobody can sing like Chino. Nobody. It's like honey and syrup. He can scream. You like his voice better than the guys from Switchfoot? It's different. I love John Foreman's voice, but Chino is number one for me. He sings so good. That's honey in my ears. Honey in my ears. All over my body. Don't get it. My unicorn might be on the air tomorrow. He's FM 94.9 recommended right now. Jeremy is great, our music director. If I were gay, I would have a genuine crush on him. Guaranteed. I wouldn't want just filth. I would want a relationship. Because he's a good dude. Great guy. Good ear.
And this is my unicorn. Dallas Green, City in Color, playing at the House of Blues. There's a tone in his voice that makes me feel okay. It hits a nerve. It rattles your nerves. It's wild. Oh, my God. And then the songwriting, and I just got chills. Now, I can't listen to a lot of City in Color. To me, they're Doritos. Too much of it's bad for me. Because I'm telling you, You know, I'm concerned my depression came from sitting in color. But gosh darn, can he sing? Doesn't that feel like you're on a swing? Yeah. Floating in a warm swimming pool? Oh, I love it. Now, this is just the throw in. I just threw this one in because I think that he is a unicorn. I don't think that there will ever be somebody like Michael Jackson. Yes, I know he had his...
Personal issues. As a musician, the man was pretty good. Just try to cover him for karaoke. Yeah. Not a lot of people try to cover Michael Jackson for karaoke. Yeah, I tried to do Beat It. It sounded like a dying cat. It's not easy. And he's good. 570-1949. What was that, Michael? Beat It. Beat It. Beat It. Beat It. Beat it. There's something caught in your throat. Yeah, it's Woods. Woods doesn't like my voice. Why don't you like it? What? How come you don't? Why do you hate me so much? I just don't like you. I know you don't. Wow. My question for you is why? I've never done anything to hurt you. You're better than that. Are you talking to me or to Mikey? Mikey. No, Mikey's not better than that. If he was, he'd still be a Rock 105. They fired his ass. That's true. They fired him. Bye-bye. Sayonara.
Don't let the door hit you. That's true. In the keister. That's true. Love you, Michael. Where Mr. Joe split you. That's right. Wood. Uh-oh. You're fine. You don't have to. You don't have to. You don't have to. Use you. Please don't. Please don't. That's your mom. Oh, my God. That's a kryptonite. You hate me. Well, it just powers down. I just love that. Willie Nelson. Unicorn? Yes. Yeah. Very unique. But that's not the question, is it? No one liked him. John Foreman is unique. Bob Dylan was unique, but he sounded like a turd. Yeah, I mean... It's ability, I think, more. It's this freakish tone. It's a tone. For me, it's about a tone. Chino has a tone. Yes. That it rattles me. Yep.
M1 Scott from El Cajon. Hey, what's going on? What's up? Nothing. I would like to say my name is Jeff Buckley. Yes, sir. He's incredible. Woodsy was going to use Jeff Buckley. He actually wanted to use Jeff Buckley. I'm not familiar with a lot of Jeff Buckley. And Wood says that I would really like Jeff Buckley. It sounds a lot like Dallas. He does. They're very similar. Turn the lights off. Line your blanket. Oh, my God. On a suicide prevention hold. That is true. It's better than Elliot Smith, though. That's true. Might have frenched a lot of girls to this in college. Might have been the go-to. Jeff Buckley? Oh, yeah. Grace, that album Grace, was the go-to record. Oh, you come back over to the crib and put this in. Thank you very much, Scott. Not a problem. Thank you.
M1 double N from Point Loma. Who's your unicorn? Oh, yeah. 100%. He was 26 years old when he died in a plane crash, but he sounded like he was 70. Yeah. 26? Really? He was great. Wow. The only thing I have from Otis is Christmas. But this is really great. How old was he when he died? 26. Is this a 26-year-old dude singing? Really? I had no idea. I did. I thought he was in 70. Oh, that changes things for me. Knowing that this is a 26-year-old, that changes it all. Oh, yeah, it changes it for me. I think I might be into Otis Redding now. How weird. I know he's 26 now. I'm like, oh, that's rad. Total unicorn. Total. Thank you, Double N. M1 Doug from San Diego. Who? I got a unicorn for you guys. Who is it? Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury was, I believe he was a unicorn.
I believe so, too. It wasn't my style, per se. I like some Queen stuff, but Queen the band. Too show-tinty for me. Yeah, twirling a baton. Dressed up like Sgt. Pepper, just twirling a baton. Yeah. And then in the middle of it, like... Pulling his shirt open and his big hairy chest. Big old mustache. Big Tom Selleck mustache. Just staring at you. Turning around and shaking his butt to the beat. Leather pants. Yeah, white leather. Just giving mustache rides real good. Oh, my God. I do, I do. 570-1949. Here's your unicorn.
More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. If you quit, it's going to follow you for the rest of your life. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. Call 570-1949. What a wonderful day it is for him. What a wonderful day it is for all of us. This is the Mikey Show. The little mushroom people of Nova Scotia screaming with horror. On FM 94.9. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. This Wednesday and Thursday night, Big Sonic Chill presents two nights of Thievery Corporation at House of Blues. Also Thursday night, it's the SD Music Thing kickoff party at the Casbah with Telekinesis. And Thursday night at Porter's Pub, Atari Teenage Riot. Friday night, you can see the Agri-Lights with Bucko 9 at the Belly Up. And on Sunday the 11th, it's an FM 94.9 about the music show with Givers at the Casbah. Hills will play House of Blues also on the 11th and still to come this year.
Switchfoot at Petco Park, TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys, Bush, Portugal the Man, Peter Bjorn and John, Blitz and Trapper with Dawes, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, that's in about the music show. Also, Cut Copy, The Naked and Famous, Cults, Black Joe Louis and the Honey Bears, The Boxer Rebellion, and a rescheduled company of thieves shows. There you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Do you mind if I love it with you? It's first. Frank, you're listening to a reenactment demonstrating just how easy it is to find the perfect certified pre-owned Lexus. Let's listen in. Frank, well, let me be frank with you. Frank, this test drive is great, and I'm loving this Lexus. But I've got to tell you, I'm not entirely sure it's pre-owned. You're right. It's a certified pre-owned Lexus. Oh, I don't know. Well, two parts. First, the certified means it's hand-selected, 161-point inspected, and thoroughly reconditioned. Second, the Lexus part means, well... It's a Lexus. Ah. A vehicle of such quality that it retains its value remarkably well over its lifetime. Hold on, hold on. Listen to these lyrics. Got me through some stuff. The world's been drowned. Yeah, that satellite radio there. This guy has everything. Lexus certified pre-owned. No surprises, no sacrifices. 100% Lexus. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, or Kearney Mesa. Or visit LexusCPO.com.
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Come on, man, wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. People smile and tell me I'm looking out. And you just begun. Why don't you leave me alone? It was on my lovemaking playlist. It was not. Who's Danny? It's called Danny Song. Did you date a Danny? And you were like, hey, listen. Reminds me of Danny. Just like the song. Just a couple of hippies. This is what I picture. A couple of hippies smelling like armpits back in the 60s just sitting Indian style smoking marijuana cigarettes. Sounds like a good time to me. Flowered shirts. Two sizes extra too big. Just wearing canvas pants.
Serbia. 100%. Serbia under the arms. Serbia in the arms. In the crotch. In the lavender. Get fleas. Crabs. This song reminds me of crabs. It does not. Shut up. And now it will be the rest of my life. You should call it crab song. Crabby song. Crabby song. It's called free love. Free love. Barbara, do you have any more mushrooms? I'm going to have crabs. Isolate that. If I do have any mushrooms, they'd be in the peanut butter jar. Is this the new Kenny Loggins LP? Yes.
It sounds so good in stereo. It sure does. It really does. Say, Barbara. Yes. Do you have anything that will kill crabs? Yeah, there's this little comb, I think, that you buy. Do you have any regular gasoline? Yeah. Why did he write this song? Why did he call it Danny's song? When it's clearly about Messina. Right. Well, is Danny a dude? Yeah. Danny, maybe Danny was his dad and he was writing this about his mom. And he's like, even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey. Danny's probably his son. His sonny. Yeah. His sonny. Danny's his sonny. His son. Now they have a family. Didn't some broad cover this too? I don't think so. No? I thought a girl did. Yeah, but way later.
Love the girl who holds the world in a paper. Love the guy that holds the world in a paper. I'll tell you what, lyrics back in the 70s were really creepy. They're out there. LLB just brought up Jim Croce and we were thinking about, who's that? If I could save time. Is there anything more haunting? Saving time in a bottle? If I could save time in a bottle. Creeper. That big old mustache he had? Yes. Weird. I think he owns a bunch of restaurants in downtown San... Well, he did. I thought he was dead. His family. Oh, let me play you the creepiest song. No offense, Mrs. Croce. Yes, no offense, no offense. Big fans over here. We are. We are very big fans. I'm going to play you the creepiest song I've ever heard. And when I say the creepiest song I've ever heard, I mean by a long shot. Like, for me, there's this song.
And then everything else is going to come in second place. And there's no doubt about it. Here, let me see. Date added. There we go. All right. It's downloading. Here we go. Hopefully, you'll know the song so you can play along. There we go. He's hiding under his shirt. It almost gives me the chills. It's so creepy. It's about a girl that's 17 singing about... Like an unpopular girl. Oh, yeah. And it's so... creepy and sad, and it's just so... Oh. What's it called? At 17. I remember hearing this when I was a kid. You don't know this song? No. Jay? Yeah, I know this song. I remember... Yeah, it reminds me of Ted Bundy. Who sings it? Janice Ian. Big hit. This was a number one hit. Oh, yeah. I picture she has long...
brown mousy hair slit up the middle like a butt crack. She's like real... She almost looks like a Manson family member. Dude! Like squeaky fro. Now, in all truth and sincerity, she had a white girl fro. So she did. She did. But your description fits way better. I picture her at Spawn Ranch sitting here in a campfire with a guitar with her butt crack haircut. And her eyes as wide as they can get. Playing and Charlie is looking on going, yeah, it's a damn good song. It's a damn good song. That's good. That's good. Keep that up. She doesn't blink. Right. Swaps go in the middle of her forehead. No, they all did. They all did. That is pretty creepy. Creepiest song I've ever heard. Let's see. You probably didn't know this about Adele. She says before she goes on stage, she's got to throw up. Big stage fright bit. Yeah, I knew we know a UFC fighter, Brandon Vera. Before he fights every single time, he has to throw up. Wow. That's really bad for someone who sings, though. Yeah. Really acidic. Yeah. Very much so. What could you do after you throw up? Do you have to drink something? Water. Lukewarm water. Tea. Seems like she'd be thinner. She said it. If anyone else said that, anyone else, he gets away with it. He gets away with it. I might have thought it, but I didn't say it. Which means...
Because I'm not an idiot. The M1s out there that cheer him on are actually monsters. Yes. You're monsters. All of you. Why don't you talk about them? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Making an observation. Nearly got him today. What are you talking about, Adele? Ain't working. I said that or I said, hey, she's your day tomorrow. Something crass. I made a couple fat girl jokes today. Something crude. Just another day at work. Come home, skate, surf, climb a mountain. Rescue people, make love. Climb up a snow-capped mountain with a little tiny barrel around my neck. J. Bernard. J. Bernard. Saving people. I only make fun of people who are worse than me. So that leaves pretty much everybody. It's an open target. It's an open target. Everybody. Fun of Haydale. Isolate the population while doing it.
Well, from our program, not from me. They'll love me. They're going to love me. They're going to love me no matter what. I'll change the station, but still love me. They'll put it back because they know I'm going to say something funny and they won't mess it. Sometimes vomiting and stuff is funny, Jay. Dear Diary, maybe throwing up before this show would help me. That would be five days a week. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy. Hold on. Let me make a note. Enchiladas are not my friend. This is my notes. Note to self. Stay on the couch. Do not get off the couch no matter what. Oh, yeah. Do not buy a bike. That is considered exercise. I'm going to blow a gasket. I'm going to blow a gasket. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. I'm fat. Subtle. Who would put that in their notes? Oh, yeah. Yes. I'm fat. It's a note that I've made. Note. Oh, yeah, comma, I'm fat. He's finally snapped. He's finally snapped. He's finally lost it. Now, you tell me Jay is the only other guy on the show.
that can answer this but i'm going to tell you i read these four things and i said this is correct thanks for rubbing it in oh my gosh you didn't really have to bring it up in that way we get it my eggs are drying up his adoption yeah we can't really speak to children because we don't have any well we'd like to four things you can't do once you have a baby it'd be great but maybe one day for both yeah it could be just keep waiting i guess you cannot wear white anymore Right. You can't. True story. It's true. Poop. Pee. Pee and throw up. Vomit. Yep. We'll go on there. And the dirt. And dirt. Yeah. Always filthy. Yeah. You pick them up. Covered in it. Yesterday I hugged Jay. He had... Or I hugged... Jay is like a big baby. Yesterday I hugged Jake.
And he had two Hershey's Kisses in his hand. Like father and son, Mike. Taught him well. Were you hugging him or wrestling him for the candy? That ain't nice, Mike, taking candy from a baby. Just an expression. Especially an artistic kid. You know that ain't right. This is another thing that you will not be able to do once you have a baby. Roll out of bed and just go. No. Does not happen anymore. Because I can now if I want to. Yeah. You can roll out of bed and go, hey, you want to go have breakfast? Sure. Where do you want to go? Yeah. Nope. No. Those things end. The other day, three kids were screaming. And I thought, wish Woods were here. Wow. Because I know he wants this. He wants this. Yeah, I do. Listen, we all want what in there. Grass always greener. There's going to be a day because I'm convinced you're going to get a kid.
Oh, yeah. And one day, you will FaceTime me. And I'll answer it. And you are going to go... Oh, yeah. That's a guarantee. So I told Jamie I wanted a 10-year-old. Just go straight to baseball lessons and guitar and all that. When are they normal, Jay? Wow. That is a tough question. When do they just... See, Maddie's 23. So not yet. Not yet. There's still challenges. You're not going to read anything with chapters in it. Do you like that, Woods? What, reading? Reading anything with chapters. You can read things, but it has to be like the back of a Coke bottle. Why? Because you don't have time to read. You don't have any time to read. I read a...
I don't read a chapter at a time. I read when I go on a train to visit my brother once every 41 years. You get books on tape and put them in your car. Yeah, you do that. You do not. Yesterday, Jake read something about pooping to me two times in a row. About pooping. Yep, two times back to back. When he finished, he goes again. I go, no problem. It was clinical or it was like a kid's book? It's a kid's book about pooping. Oh, I know that book, Everybody Poops. That's, he has that one too. This is a new one. This is a new one. It's a good read. Yeah, especially four times in a row. Daddy's got to go to bed now. Number four, watch late night comedy late at night. Yeah, no. No, it's not going to happen. You're not going to do that. With our schedule, it would be tough to have a child at home. You might write, right after the baby comes, you might do that because you're going to be up all night anyway. But after that. 11 p.m. is way past your bedtime. Wow. 11 p.m. to me now is past my bedtime now without a child. Oh, yeah. 7.30 I went to bed last Saturday night. Saturday night on vacation. 7.30 on a Saturday night. That's pretty weird. Yeah. 7.30. Yeah. I'm going to die with a child. That's why I said maybe we get a 16-year-old Swedish girl. Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. You can't sleep with your child, Woods. No, I wasn't talking about that. That made it weird.
I mean, it was weird. Wow. You said 16 in Swedish. Weird. Yeah, it could help assimilate her into this country. Yeah. L.O.B. then said, you know, hey, Woods, you can't, you know. Well, you should be underage. She's 16 and I'm married, so. That'd be weird. You're a creepy mind. That doesn't usually mean anything to you, though. Now, in defense to Lauren. What reference do you have on that? In defense to Lauren, you know, I guess exhibit A, so. Yeah. You're wearing a t-shirt right now that says 16-year-old girls are hot. 16-year-old girls are kind of my thing, it says. Yeah. And then on the back, it says minus the kind of. Yeah. Look, on the back of the t-shirt. I was laying in bed with my wife, Jamie, the other day, and she took her cell phone. She goes, oh, look at this picture. And I should have known it was a trap. Immediately. That's entrapment. But I didn't. And I looked, and I go, oh, who's that on the right? And she goes, that's their daughter. And I go, oh, she's really pretty. She goes,
She's 15. Oh, wow. And I go, she's still pretty. I didn't card her. I'm sorry. I don't want to date her. Don't I? Don't you? I'm just saying that she's very pretty. They have, like, help groups for that. Oh, you creep. Listen. They have, like... Listen. This is factual. This is factual. I believe that... Okay, listen. Women... We're going to talk adults here. We're going to talk adults here. We're going to talk adults. We're adult talk here. This is adult talk time. It's adult talk time. Welcome to adult talk time. It's time to talk adult. Biologically, I believe that females look their absolute best at about 16, 17, 18 years old. You've said that before. Now, listen. Law. The law says you can't have intercourse with a girl before she's 18. Well, my law says you can't have intercourse until you're married. Right. So let's take all that off the table. All we're talking here is physics. Right. That's all. Biology. Biology. Okay. And the truth of the matter is, is that when you see a 17-year-old girl, I'm not suggesting you date or have sex with her. What I am suggesting is that's the age they're models. Yeah. I disagree. That's the age they're models. It's a true statement.
In fact, I could show you a girl L.O.B., and I'll go, how old? And you'll go, 20? 15? You creep. You creep. No, I think maybe there are exceptions. You disgusting, monstrous animal. Like 2021, because girls still have baby fat, and it's for a reason. I'm not saying that a 21-year-old girl is not gorgeous. I'm not saying a 41-year-old woman isn't gorgeous. But you're saying prime, and I disagree with you. Yeah, men. What do you think for men? I don't have a number in mind. 25. I'm thinking about me. 25. Prime. I think it's more like 31. No. No. I'm just talking physically. That men don't physically look their best. It just depends on the average. Imagine Matt Damon at 31 years old. It just depends on the average. There's a lot of guys that I went to high school with. I'm 30. I see their pictures on Facebook and I'm like, oh, yeah. What happened to you? Who ate you, pal? You're going to have the Janie Lane factor, but that usually doesn't hit until the 40s. 25. 23 to 25 for a dude.
I'm thinking about my prime. It was right around then. And boy, I kicked that door open Saturday night. And it was time. Maybe like 28. It's definitely later for guys than girls. Man, guys go to hell, though. I've seen some of the guys from my high school, too. I'm 36. And I look at them. They're all fat, bald. I'm like, gosh, darn it. I got a full head of hair. I'm still a little chubby. As unattractive as I am, that's how bad it was. I'm better looking now than I was in high school. No. Oh, I guarantee it, L.O.B. I saw pictures. I know you find that hard to believe. I think she's just disagreeing that you're better looking. She freaking... No. I'm saying you were sharp in high school. Mike, you're pretty ugly now, though, Mike. I mean, I'm just... I don't know. I wouldn't toot your own horn, Mike. No, no, no. I mean, Mike, you're... You're technically, according to the doctors, you're BMI. You're still obese. You're a point away from morbidly obese. One point, Mike. You're one click south of morbidly obese. Getting ahead of yourself a little bit. Huh, Shemmo? Slow it down. Slow your roll. Just close your blowhole. Start throwing mackerels at you. Snacky time.
Jumped through a hoop and stuff. I saw pictures of you in high school. You're about 3, 320. Yeah, you were sharp. You were sharp like a bowling ball. No. I mean what sits in front of me now. Frankly, I don't know how Rebecca does it. Mike, you didn't look like a gargoyle in high school. And I said to my boyfriend, Matt Commerce, yesterday, secretly, I picture you on the side of a castle with your eyes closed. Guarding a moat. I wish I had something Jay-like to say right now. Well, you drink that moat. What I'm trying to say, Mike, is you're not attractive. You're hideous. You're a wildebeest. I'm talking about crime. Crime. Chaz Bono's already lost five pounds. I'm touching that. Nobody else is either, pal. More on that in a minute.
Show now. 570-1949. Or text them. 949mikey at gmail.com. Or come to FM 94.9. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's talk to Ronnie on line one. Jay Box, I'm about to drop some knowledge on your listeners. Drop away. All right, check this out. I drop a monster truck limo. Want to know why? Because that's your job? Nah, bro, because I go big or I go home. Boom! That's how I roll. Okay. Yeah, I got a 99-inch flat screen mounted on top of my shock aquarium. Know why? Because you go big or you go home. Yeah, well, I've got the perfect thing for you. My new jumbo breakfast platter. It's huge. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eight mini pancakes, and your choice of bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Oh, yeah. I'm going to get ten of those breakfast platters. Know why? Because Ronnie doesn't want to go home. True that. Because Ronnie lives with his parents. Yeah. Try Jack's new jumbo breakfast platter. It's scrambled eggs, hash browns, mini pancakes, plus bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Price and participation may vary. I want to be a pilot. Is it tough? It's not easy. You could do it. Study hard, go to a good school, never skip your math homework. Piece of cake. Oh, yeah? But can you finish those carrots for your pilot's vision? I'd rather do my math homework. Thought so.
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But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4, San Diego. Denny's mac and cheese Big Daddy Patty melt makes me feel like I'm at the end of a rainbow. Because it's the treasure I've been searching for. And if you want to get a little cheesy, you can find it too. It's part of the new Let's Get Cheesy menu. Which must be a thief. Because starting at $4.99, it's a steal. Only at Denny's. America's Diner is always open for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. And this is Ethel Herbert, Your Majesty. Ethel was in charge of catering for today's garden party. We very much enjoyed your cucumber sandwiches. How does one go about making those? Frank's Red Hot Sauce, Your Majesty. I put that on everything. I say. Frank's Red Hot Sauce goes on anything. It's aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to tacos, pizza, wings, pasta, chicken, steaks, chili, even once cucumber sandwiches. Frank's Red Hot. I put that on everything. This report brought to you by Hammer Mill Paper. Hammer Mill Copy Plus Paper is guaranteed 99.99% jam-free, just one cent per ream at Staples after an easy rebate. In-store only Sunday through Wednesday, September 7th.
Limit two while supplies last. Looks like Murray Ridge Road, northbound ramp to the 805, an injury accident, two-car crash. It is on that on-ramp. Also, the Vista area, 78 eastbound at Vista Village Drive, an accident over on the left shoulder. Coming through Escondido on the 15 southbound. Deer Springs Road, an accident on the right shoulder, a two-car accident there. This report brought to you by Napa this September. Stop in Danny. Participating Napa Auto Parts Store or Napa Auto Care Center. Receive up to a $50 mail-in rebate. with a purchase of qualified Napa Breaks products. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Mikey. Everybody freaks out about guns and stuff. I don't freak out about them because my brother, I grew up around them. My brother had them the whole time I was growing up, so I don't freak out about guns. I like them. Woods. I flooded an entire Hampton Inn. Lauren. I used to be really into the Grateful Dead. Fantastic. And like the knob chomp of. And Jay. I don't want to miss somebody calling just like, hey, let's go surf. Or let's go do something. Oh, Jay, shut up. This is the Mikey Show. Can you believe it? FM 94.9.
It's called Mikey Show Live. Make some noise in our studio. Chris Cornell, Unicorn. Sorry, he sold more than seven records. How many records did he sell? Seven? Of course he doesn't like Chris Cornell. I saw that guy play with just an acoustic guitar at Humphreys. It was like you're at a campfire. The hair on my arm. My wife cried. It was unbelievable. He's freaking amazing. He's amazing. Overrated. I want to kill myself. He's a good rock star. I want to kill myself. Good rock star. As good as he is, he's underrated. He's underrated. As good as he is. His voice, nobody liked him. You know why? Because he doesn't play Petco Park. He doesn't play. He can't sell out Qualcomm. He's underrated. When he plays, he plays the House of Blues. He plays Humphreys. Because nobody wanted to hear him. Fine. That's fine.
But that doesn't mean that he isn't a unicorn, because dude's a unicorn. He's a Whitney Houston, Jay, because that's pretty badass. Now, Whitney Houston is a unicorn. Well, for sure, but... The topic wasn't find your best badass. Yeah, it wasn't my favorite badass singer, because I would not have picked Whitney. Why do you have a Whitney Houston t-shirt on? That's a true story. Why do you have that on? All right. Suck it, dude. Greatest love of all. Speaking of badasses, Chaz Bono's already lost five pounds. Woods. And we'll talk about it in just a second. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Nothing. No, I'm just kidding. The Padres, I told you yesterday, they're probably ready to get this deal over with. They were handed their 11th loss in their last 12 games. They shouldn't have to finish the season. Shouldn't. Shouldn't you be able to be like, you know what? That's it. We're done. We don't have a shot at anything. We're throwing it in the towel. Why are we doing this? It's not nice. I always think about this, Mike. When I'm driving to my semi-pro games on the weekend, I think if we're out of the playoff hunt, I just don't have any motivation to get up on Sunday and go to my semi-pro games. Like normally. Like I wonder if Heath Bell and I go through the same thing. Don't you want to get your money's worth? Because you paid. Well, I didn't pay. The Tipsy Crow paid. Don't you feel like obligated because the Tipsy Crow plagiarized?
Or paid your admission fee? But the Padres pay Heath Bell. And when you first started, before, you know, a local establishment... decided to sponsor you guys. Yeah, we were the brewers. Yeah, back when you paid and you all wore different uniforms. I'm sure there were some mornings where you would wake up and you would think to yourself, I gotta go. I paid $100 to be in this league. I know. What am I gonna do? I can't speak to my mindset then. I can only speak to my mindset now. Knowing that we have a good team, we have a shot at winning the whole thing, that's what gets me out of bed on Sunday mornings, I'll tell you that. There you go. Good for you. I can't even say it with a straight face. You did say that America really needs to see this. What does America need to see? Chaz Bono. Well, I mean, I think that, you know, that I'm just a regular guy. No, no, no. No. Even you can admit, Chaz. Chaz, even you can admit that most regular guys have never had a vagina.
Ever. Well, that's probably a true statement. Ever. So that, by definition, means that you're not a regular guy. I'm just one of the dudes. You're a guy now, but you're not a regular guy. As regular as you are, Mike. That's true. That wasn't a shot at you. All these ideas of, you know, children shouldn't watch me. I'm going to be confusing. All of this stuff is just... That's going to be confusing. That's stupid. They're not going to say, and now transgender Chaz Bono. It's just going to be Chaz to a kid. It's crazy. And for all of the kids and teens out there with gender dysphoria... Jay, please spell dysphoria. D-I-S-F-O-R-I-A? It was a good try. I think it's going to have a really positive impact. I know that when I was growing up, if I had seen somebody like me on a show like this, it would have made all the difference in the world in my life. It would have. Now, if anyone knew who Chastity Bono was first, and she had a following, and then she switched to Chaz, maybe people would be confused. But wouldn't, if they were following Chastity Bono, wouldn't they then in fact know that she went and...
Became a dude? But I'm saying nobody knew who she was as chastity. I would say young children don't know, but 16 to 17-year-olds in that range definitely have caught wind of what's going on. I wonder if 16 and 17-year-olds are looking up to anybody on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, we hope not. Their parents are watching it. For our country's sake, let's hope not. I think if you're confused and you're out there and you have questions about your body, then yeah, you probably are. You're like, hey, check this out. There's somebody out there like me. That's the first time Jay has said something serious in 217 days. I keep waiting for the punchline. Yeah. No. You know, you get it. Like, if you got a twig and berries and you don't know if you want a twig and berries or the Grand Canyon instead. It's hideous. There he goes. Absolutely hideous. It's your friend. Your friend, Jay. That's unbelievable. Which part? What about this idea that maybe it's too much too soon? for a lot of kids to handle. I'm going to be dancing. I'm not up on there, you know, talking about anything other than dancing. I'm not talking about, like, gender stuff. No. I'm not, like, gendering it up. I'm not doing the gender dance. I'm not having the shirt with the male symbol and the female symbol coming out of the circle. Spinning. Yeah, spinning. You don't know what they are? He's not doing a before and after documentary. Right. I'm not breakdancing.
With a guy tuxedo up here and a skirt. And a drawn on beard. Half and half. Okay? I'm not wearing lipstick and 501s. Right. And, you know, people who don't have gender dysphoria aren't going to catch it by watching me dance on television. Yeah, I don't have a problem with it. I think it's a little bit exploitative by dancing with the stars, but I don't have a problem with him dancing. Can you imagine that? Boardroom. The pitch? Who are we going to get? Chaz Bono, obviously. Couldn't get Charlie Sheen. Chaz Bono, the dysphoria. Right. The dysphoria? Yeah. That's Cher's kid, right? Right. Sharon Sonny. Sonny and Cher's kid. It's a girl that became a guy. Yep. A girl that is a guy now. We got to get that. You got to have it. We got to call her people. Write that down. His people. Call his people. Screw that up. Please don't screw that up. And don't say that when you call. Hey, don't let Mike or Woods or Jay call. Have Lauren call. Lauren can do it perfectly. Have Lauren call. What do you say to the critics who say that you are very self-consciously promoting some kind of a political agenda? Yeah, it's all about Republican. It's all about the Green Party. That's right. It's all about independent.
You know, what is that question? Why don't you ask Nancy Grace what her political agenda is? I just want to dance. He just wants to dance. I'm going to watch the show and... He's no different than Kevin Bacon. Right. Yeah. And Footloose. I want to dance. He just dance. That's it. You know what I mean? John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever. And Pulp Fiction. And Pulp Fiction. Yep. You know, and decide after that. So it's not going to happen? That I'm going to be pushing it. It's a dancing show. I'm sorry. You're screaming. You're screaming at me, Chaz. You're roiding out on me. Don't roid rage. You know, I mean, look, I've gone on many talk shows and talked about gender issues. Please sit down, Chaz. Please sit down. I won't sit down. But actually on this show, I'm just going to be dancing. Take his belt off. The pistol whip him. Look, Chaz, you obviously, you haven't learned how to handle the testosterone. I just want you to. Calm down. I'm like Rebecca now. I didn't say that, babe. I know. She knows I'm kidding. You're not babe. I was talking to my wife. She knows I'm kidding. You always call L-O-B. Yeah, I know. Why is it? We're hiding it now? I guess we're on the air. That's why. Super weird. Selective babe. Big Sean, is that the deal? No. Play baseball. Is that it? Enjoy it. Mental jail.
A few times? I've been to jail. Really? That don't make you a big shot. You want to fight because you want to fight with me? I don't want to fight with you. I'm just trying to get a permanent visa, man. Okay. I'm just a regular guy. Okay. Living here, working, trying to get by, man. What's your name? And your name is freaking Dead, man. What did I do? Your name is Dead. Dead? Yeah, Dead. Dead, man. What did I do? You see what I have here? I see that. You have a squirt gun. Not a freaking squirt gun, man. Isn't it? No. I can see through it. Squirted me in the face. It's a silencer. That's not a silencer, idiot. That's a squirt gun. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. Don't do that again. Don't, dude. I tell you what. It's a silencer, man. Now you're all wet. Is that water?
No, it's a freaking Glock, man. That's not a Glock. You clown. What's a blonde girl's name? That's Lauren. Lauren. You can address me. Oh, I'll address you, baby. Because, you see, I need to get permanent residency here. And you are going to be it. I'm going to be what? You're going to marry me. No. Oh, yeah, you are? No. We're going to make crazy love together. Crazy love together. Not in the cards, ever. What do they call you? Lauren? Sometimes they call me L.O.B. L.O.B. Because the L stands for what? Love. No. Love. No, Lauren. Long love. No. You like to tango? Not with you. You like to do cocaine with me? No, not with you or anything. I'm not saying I do cocaine. I'm not saying I do cocaine. Do you do cocaine? No, not anymore. He's honest. Very honest guy. You ask me a question, ask an answer. You're used to. Tons. Yes.
As much as I can get my hands on. It's neither here nor there. You're right. Also got written up in the reader, right? That's a true story. Ken Layton. Ken Layton, yes. Wrote an article. Yeah, it's called Johnny B. Good. You can Google it if you like. It's a one bad night, you know. It happens. We've all had him. Actually, he wasn't even arrested, so I don't even know what the story was on that. No, you were driven home in a freaking police car, right? Yeah, but not arrested, so. You almost give Mikey a heart attack, right? Except for about a week straight. About a week straight. And then the next day after you get taken home in the back of a police car was Sienna's wedding, right? Correct. Where you said, I told you about this to Mikey. You said, Mikey, I told you I went with the police. Yeah, yeah. Well, I figured there wasn't really an issue. You don't need to make an issue out of a non-story unless you're 10 late. Right. And then it's written up in the reader the next week. Right. Why are you nervous? Why are you putting on the... Well, they were, you know, they were looking for a story. Okay. They... He didn't... Stop spraying me. You're spraying me. It's a silencer, man. It's not a silencer. Yes, it is. It's not a silencer. I'm going to shoot you. Don't have to silence you. You know, the DVD of Scarface came out, and it's really good. The extras are unbelievable.
I'd tell him Woodsy about it. You got to get it, Woodsy. No, I'll get it. I love that movie. Weird. It's a classic. Brian De Palma. I think that all the other actors in it are terrible, but I love... I like his buddy. Mary Elizabeth Master Antonio. She's horrible. Terrible. Horrible. Terrible. You hit me, Tony. Hit me, Tony. You want to hit me, Tony? How great is that shady cop, though? He's great. Oh, he's great. He's great. The shady cop's great. But Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio trying to pretend to be angry. Yes. Who's the boss? Who plays the boss? Robert Loggio? Yeah, he's great. I hated him. You did? I thought he was garbage. Yeah, garbage. Is that the guy he shot? Yeah. Where he goes, hey, Tony, let's talk about this. Yeah, yeah, that's him. That's him? Yeah, he sucked. You thought he sucked? Trying to do the accent that they had, it just didn't work for me. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it was terrible. He did. Yeah. And that was. Pacino nailed it. That was such a great scene, though, where he's trying to talk him out of it. It's brilliant. Let's talk about this, Tony. Hang on a minute. You talk, man. Go ahead. He's got that sling on. He's got a sling on. What do you want to talk about? It's so great. And then you hear Pacino talk about it now, and he's like, at the time, we thought, you know, this is an interesting character. I don't know what we're going to do with it.
And I said to Brian, why don't I try an accent that doesn't sound, you know, all that Cuban? Because then I'm just miming something. That doesn't sound anything like Tony Montana. How about we do a little bit of this? You can call us 570-1949 if you want. It's called Woods of Wisdom. And Woodsy answers guy stuff questions. And if you have any questions in the studio, you can ask this. So Woods of Wisdom, if you want to ask a question to Woodsy, it's very easy. All you got to do is go to MikeyShow.com and you can write a question to Woodsy right there. All right, Woodsy, you ready? Yep. All right. This is an email that we got and it says, Woodsy, are there any indicators when a guy starts to lose interest? I've been dating this guy for about a month. He's texted or called every day and recently started to back up a little. He still tells me he misses me and thinks about me. However, I've been told that before. So if I'm going from experience and the time frame.
Just not sure if he's losing interest, he's busy, or just taking a step back. M1VVicious. What's he? It's a very convoluted question. Well, her question is... Does she want... Is this guy losing interest in her? Yeah. Yes, he is. Because he's probably had intercourse with you in that first month, so... And I believe that's a lesson. It's a lesson. It's a lesson. Hold out, ladies. I'm telling you. It works. If you never let him have sex with you, he'll marry you. There's no question. Well, he'll get... He'll think about it. Or as soon as he finds out, it's over. If he's not interested, as soon as he finds out, he'll go, it's done. Or he'll do his shopping somewhere else. Or he'll do his shopping somewhere else. Come back to you. Now, there's exceptions to every rule. I've had long-term relationships where it was a first deal, first date deal. I have. Yeah. Once. Now...
The rest. So there's one exception to the rule. Do I know that person? You don't know this person. It's not my wife. No, I know. I didn't think so. That's not who I was thinking. Her too. That's two. Then that's two. He's probably losing interest. Woods, this is another girl one. I like this. My boyfriend just started calling me Mammy. Mammy. Mammy. Is it Mammy? Mammy. Hey, Mammy. Mammy. Mammy. Oh, my God. Has a pet name. Is your boyfriend in a 1940s gangster movie? Yeah, see? He's funny. Is he? I don't like it, and he won't stop. M1 Val. What do you mean, Woods? That's kind of funny. No, she doesn't like it. Don't we all do things to our wives? We do it. We do it, and I will...
Oh, man, if I find out she doesn't like something, I'll do it more because I'm a D. But I married her. That's every guy. But not a nickname. Nicknames are just cute. That sounds like mommy or Nana or something. Mammy. Mammy. Hey, Mammy. Hey, Mammy. What say, Mammy? I can see why she's like, listen, I'm going to break up with you. Yeah. She should tell him, if you don't stop, I'm breaking up with you. Literally. Literally. When I was 16, I got on a kick where I was calling the girl that I was dating, pal. And drove her crazy. It was just a 16-year-old thing. I bet. It drove her nuts. You know how when you're a kid, you can say something innocuous. It bothers you. I'd call you a cup of coffee and it'll bother you. Don't call me that. I'm not a cup of coffee. Why a cup of coffee? Stop it. Oh, yeah. Fine. You're a cup of coffee. You're a jerk. Why? Are you going to get hot? You're a jerk. You're going to spill all over the place? I hate you. You're going to cause a stain. I hate you. Ooh, you're a stain maker. I hate you. Cup of coffee. I'm a 30-year-old woman. and my boyfriend will call me other people's names just to mess with me. Like? He'll call me Honeycutt, which is Woods' wife's maiden name. Very weird. He'll call me names of M1s that are on our Facebook all the time, like M1HB. He'll call me by her last name. That's fantastic. I think that's fantastic. Just drop it in there or call me. What's up, Rojas? Yeah, exactly. That's funny. It's genius. I like it. And she hates it. I hate it. That's going to be my new bit with Rebecca.
Start calling her. She's going to murder you. He looks at the Facebook page and he'll be like, what's up, Charles? Yes. I'm going to say to Rebecca today, easy, German. That will drive her nuts. I love it. It's a great idea. It's a bad bit. It's a good bit. It's a good bit. Yeah, break up with him. If he keeps calling you mammy. No. Oh. Yeah, you should too. Chase? Woods, my girlfriend's parents don't like me and there's no reason for it. I'm clean cut. I'm 28. I work hard. What's the deal? I'm on bootleg. To be honest with you, I've never had a parent not like me. And I'm not just saying that. I've never had a parent not like me. So we should probably ask Jason or Isabel about this one. Because they know you're probably serious about their daughter. And that would drive him nuts. You like when Maddie got a serious boyfriend. I'm different, though. Most parents are... I'm perfect. I'm perfect. Most parents are crap dads. I'm the model dad. Kim's folks liked me until they knew that we were serious. I thought they didn't like you. Well, they liked me all the way up to that point. Like, we met and they were like, oh, this is her friend. Hey, there's that southern guy with white powder all over his mustache.
That southern guy. There's that southern guy, the southern draw. Looks like he's been bathing in baby powder for the last hour and a half. That's harmless. And the fact that I lived in Texas and she was in Florida meant that I was going to take their baby away. Only child. And you did. And I did. And you brought her to the other coast. I did. Do they still live in Florida? They still live in Florida. You jerk. I tried to get to Hawaii, but I couldn't afford it then. Be nice to see our grandkids every once in a while. Seriously, once a year. Yeah, once a year. I'd be pretty pissed, too. This dude, by the way, is M1 Bootleg. How do you get that nickname? Bootleg? Yeah. You're a whiskey runner. Illegal whiskey runner. We liked him, but he would go to Tijuana, buy cassettes, and sell them over here. I bought my cigarettes from that guy. Yeah, I know that guy. The HIV-positive porn star was not HIV-positive. They retested. They said it was negative. Was it? Was it? Jay. Didn't do new releases. We got to get to that. There are some companies that use real people to handle customer service. No. I'm telling you there really is. I'm going to tell you what they are. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. Good audience today. We'll be right back.
Just a couple. FM 94.9. Hey, Mom. It's me. Baby Eddie. Here in your belly. Oh, Eddie, honey. What's wrong? Nothing, Mom. I'm trying to get your attention because I have some exciting news. Oh? Mom, you and Dad need to sign us up for the National Children's Study. It's the largest long-term study of children's health and development ever conducted in the U.S. And it will help expand what doctors know about children's health. I want to help. But... Don't worry. It doesn't involve medications or treatments. There will be periodic visits and interviews as I grow from now until I'm 21 years old. The study wants to learn more about how the environment and genetics affect my health and development where I live, learn, and play. That sounds like a good idea. Where do we sign up?
The National Children's Study is now enrolling families in San Diego County. For more information, visit sandiego.nationalchildrenstudy.gov. That's sandiego.nationalchildrenstudy.gov. Hey gang, it's your old pal, Woodsy. That's right. I gotta tell you, my favorite place, obviously, by looking at me, is Denny's. It's one of my favorite places to go. They've got a new menu. It's called... The Let's Get Cheesy menu. And you know what? Guess what it celebrates, Mike? Probably you. Freaking cheese. All right. Somebody's creeping over my shoulder here. Listen, they got a bunch of new dishes. Okay. It's available all day, every day for a limited time only. And dishes starting at $4.99. Okay. If you're cheap, like my friend Jay. Oh, thrifty. Thrifty. They've got a value menu for this new Let's Get Cheesy menu. Okay. $2 strawberry pancake puppies with cream cheese icing, the new $6 chicken cordon bleu melt, and the $8 chicken parmesan. It's good for all cheese lovers, okay? Go to Denny's. Try out the new Let's Get Cheesy menu. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied? What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim.
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10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego as the Padres wrap up their series with the Giants, 3.30 Wednesday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m. only on Channel 4 San Diego. September still means summer in Southern California. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties. And nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot. Or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita. An experience that tastes so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Coffee by 2011. Imported and bottled by Blue Blind. Norwalk, Connecticut. Under licensed from the trademark. Jose Cuervo Especial is a registered trademark of tequila.
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Some of it. His old stuff is. Pure Country Days. Yeah, Pure Country Days. Me and I will be our big Pure Country fans. A movie. You'd hate it. Of course. It's formulaic. You would hate it. Oh, it's so good. It's so good. Yeah, it sounds like it won Best Picture. They don't all have to win Best. I know. There can only be one. No, I know. You elitist. So it's probably nominated. You elitist movie. I am. I am. When it comes to movies, I really, I've had to come to grips with it. I'm a snob. About movies. And food. No, not food. You can like whatever you... Dude, I like chili dogs. But I don't like the equivalent of chili dogs in movies. You know, L.O.B. Put it on T-Mock. Now, this one I never understood, ever. This is the new Grace Jones Hurricane. Never met a Grace Jones fan. Thank God for that. Who's the audience? How old is the Grace Jones? 40 now? It's a woman that wears like the shirt that almost looks like a muumuu. Yes. It's like big and she's got big chunky jewelry. Yes. Giant boobs. Yes. Giant boobs and a lot of hairspray. Yeah. Goes and sees Grace at the casino. Have you heard the new Grace Jones? It's fantastic. We're going to go to the races, dear? Yeah, we'll go to the races and then we're going to go see her at Paula.
Get some cocktails. Go to Pamplemousse. Yeah, Grace will go to Pamplemousse and then we'll go see Grace because she's playing at the Pollard Casino. Terrible. Just giant boobs. This one I'm in on. Lindsey Buckingham, who's the guitar player from Fleetwood Mac, has a new solo record. It's called Seeds We Sow. Yeah, you can tell he's older and he's done. You know what freaks me out about him? He plays a guitar that looks like a ukulele with a long neck. And every time I see him, I'm like, get a bigger guitar, get a bigger guitar. It really freaks me out. Out on DVD. X-Men First Class will actually be out on Friday. So feast on that. Hannah is out. Was thinking about watching it last night. Changed my mind. What is that? It's this girl. She's 16. She was raised by her dad. He's a CIA guy. And then she infiltrates the CIA to, like, kick some ass. Yeah, she's a badass. Yeah, it looked okay. And then Everything Must Go, which is a dramatic.
Portrayal by one Will R. Farrell. There you go. You going to watch it? Are you serious? I think I might. He's being serious, though. I know. I'm not in on that bit, but we'll see. Tiny. Yeah, it does. It looks like a little ukulele. With a long neck. Finger picking. So much. He writes really on. honest songs about the way he's feeling and the way he's been, you know, torn up by somebody. Yep. And by somebody, I mean Stevie. Yeah. And his name was Lindsey and hers was Stevie. Weird. It's weird. Might as well have been Bob and he's Betty. Yeah. You kind of have to be tough if your name's Lindsey. That's true. There's a book out called, came out years ago, and the book was about Led Zeppelin. Oh, yeah.
It's called Hammer of the Gods, and it was a really, really incredible portrait of Led Zeppelin. And the guy that wrote it is Stephen Davis. He's written another one. He says when he wrote Hammer of the Gods, he had all these notebooks that he lost, and his best friend found them in his basement. So he's written a new book. We'll talk to him. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about ovation cell therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great.
I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean, person that will go unnamed. It's the advanced formula from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who... despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back. So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount. I'm one degree away from moving up. American Public University offers a quality online education. I'm one degree away from making myself more valuable. American Public University is affordable. I'm one degree away from learning more. American Public University has more than 75 undergraduate and graduate degrees. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about one of the best values in online education, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. What's your perfect cup of joe?
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Hey there, Padres fans. This is Tim Foreman from Switchfoot. Come see us play here in our hometown of San Diego at Petco Park following the Padres game Sunday, September 18th. Catch your Padres as they take on the Arizona Diamondbacks Sunday, September 18th at 105. and stay for a post-game concert featuring San Diego's own Switchfoot. The concert is free after the game with a paid ticket. Don't wait. Get your tickets today at Padres.com slash Switchfoot. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month.
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So his deal is, he wrote this book, Hammer of the Gods. Woods says he read it five times. I read it when I was in my early 20s. And I got it after a read. But it was good. It was a story. It was Led Zeppelin's story. Love Led Zeppelin. And it's pretty much the definitive writing on Led Zeppelin. This dude is famous for writing books. He's written books on Fleetwood Mac. He did a book on Fleetwood Mac. Did it with Mick Fleetwood. I got to read it. Let's see. What else did he do? He did. He's written books about Fleetwood Mac, Jim Morrison, Guns and Roses. I think I read that one. He's writing a book right now about Carly Simon, which, believe it or not, probably won't be too bad because she's had quite a history. He's date Warren Beatty. James Taylor. James Taylor. Who was a heroin addict. Yeah, so you know there's stuff. There's some good stuff in there. You know there's going to be stuff. If there's heroin in there, you know it's good. I hope she reveals who the song You're So Vain is about. That's what she said. Well, the word is that it was about him. But it's rumored. Maybe she'll finally tell. Let's ask Stephen Davis. We'll ask him when we get him on the line. Because, you know, he's working with her. He always gets together with them and writes the book with them.
That's what he did with Nick Fleetwood. This is a dream job for me, I'll say. But that would also be a dream job. Writing a rock biography. I would love it. You like rocker's biography. That's all I read. You should look at my bookshelf. You're like, really, dude? Really needed to read Slash's book? Yes, I did. The new book, like I said, he'd had all these notebooks where he'd gone on tour in 75 with Zeppelin every single show. He wrote the definitive Zeppelin book. Well, he lost all these notebooks, and he found them in his friend's basement. I don't know if I believe it or if I think it's a bit circular. You know, they're all these things. They're all circular. Do you know what I mean by that? Uh-huh. They all come back around. It all comes around. What comes around goes around, some might say. Back around. It's like karma. Let me talk to Stephen. Uh.
We got Stephen Davis on the line. The new book is called... Wait, wait. No? I think they're having this hold for him. He's finished up his other interview. Oh. Go ahead and put him on hold. To all wait with them. I do that. I wait with the producers. They'll go, yeah, go ahead. Let's see. Jim Morrison's book. Would you be into that? Yeah, I've read everything I could find about Jim Morrison. We're waiting for Stephen Davis. Does it say the name of the book? Yeah. Chelsea 75. Oh, that one? Yeah. No. Lizard King. Could be. Break on through, maybe. Light My Fire. Crystal Ship. Do you believe the notebook thing? Yes. You're very against this notebook, but you think it's a bit. Hammer of the Gods was really good. Very definitive. And it sold a ton of books. Great book. Now, I'm wondering if it's a deal where he's like, I'm going to sell a billion books again.
Maybe I find some notebooks. He's doing like a Blair Witch bit on us. Not a Blair Witch. I think it's real. This is stuff maybe he didn't tell us the first time around. And it put an interesting spin on it. I found these in my buddies. Maybe he thought one day I could write a book on just all this little side stuff, but it's not enough to fit in this one book. Could be. That's what I would think more than anything else. We're waiting on him. He's finishing up an interview. The problem is we're done in 10. Yep. So, feast. HBD, pal. Jim Morrison's book was Life, Death, Legend. There you go. All right, here's the companies that, while we're waiting, here are the companies that apparently use real people. So when you call... Hi, Stephen. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you today? I'm good. We were just talking about the new book. The new book. LZ75, there you go. LZ75. Now, this book is, first of all, has some lost interviews with Robert Plant, Jimmy Page. But it's also got a show-by-show account of the 75 tour. Especially San Diego. Ooh, I bet. Sports Arena? The San Diego Sports Arena in, I think it was either March or April of 75. And I remember after the show, the band sang...
Led Zeppelin said, that was the craziest audience we've ever seen. We've never played in front of an audience that crazy is the Southern California, San Diego. What happened was that they went on stage and even before they played a note, there was this like fog of cherry bombs and firecrackers coming from the audience. Wow. And so they all, you know, Jimmy Page, Robert Plant and the bass player, they all had to run to the back of the stage because all this ordinance was coming. It was like incoming. So did you fly on the plane with them to each of them? Oh, yeah. We flew on the Starship from LAX to San Diego. It was, you know, like a nine-minute flight because it would have been, you know, three hours by car in a thunderstorm. And we're playing Elvis Presley on the, you know. The speakers? The speakers. And as the plane is descending, Robert Plant looks out. And says, you know, good Lord, we're landing in a supermarket. But if we're going to die, it should be to Elvis because that's where we came from. Oh, my God. Yeah, because when you land in San Diego, you land through all those buildings. And then into the sports arena. There's no dressing room. It was like the locker room, you know, of whatever sports team it was. And the entire room was filled with, like, fruit and flowers, you know, fan offerings. Wow. Melons and grapes and, you know, just...
People had brought all this agriculture to the hall. And, you know, there was crates of, like, chickens. I mean, you couldn't believe it. And the band, of course, were, like, changing into their clothes, you know, with all these record guys trying to, you know, introduce their children to them. Jimmy, can you hand me a cantaloupe? So, here's my question. Now, you found these notebooks in your friend's garage. Yeah. Basement, yeah. I found these notebooks, and I started to read them. That's a true story. And they were 30 years old, and I started to read these stories, and they were surreal and lurid and really boring, and I thought, man, that's classic rock. I mean, this is about all the nights when there weren't wild parties. And the nights when the concert sucked. And, you know, I mean, it's really a dark and lightened shadow of Led Zeppelin in 1975. We're talking to Stephen Davis, who's just written a book called LZ75. He wrote Hammer of the Gods. And, hey, I wanted to ask you, because we know that you're also writing this book about Carly Simon. It's true, yeah. You're so vain. Is that about Warren Beatty? It's about...
Not one person. Let's put it that way. I mean, this book's coming out in January. We can talk about it a little bit more. Yeah, I want to. It's more about a time in someone's life and a group of people that someone was involved with. Maybe that's the truth, L.O.B. L.O.B. got disappointed. Disappointed. She wants to believe it's about one dude. The fact of the matter is that it's like Led Zeppelin. Everything you heard about Led Zeppelin is true. And also everything you heard about Carly Simon is true. So it's the same kind of deal, you know. But there are different levels of truth. And the Carly book talks about that time of her life quite a bit. And, you know, I mean, as I say, it's not about one person. Let's put it that way. Stephen Davis wrote Hammer the Gods about Led Zeppelin, which was an incredible bestseller. And now he's written another book about Led Zeppelin called LZ-75. And it chronicles the entire 75 tour that he was on tour. Where would you be? So when they were playing, were you on the side of the stage, behind the stage, below the stage? Where were you? I tried to be everywhere from within five or ten feet of Jimmy Page when they led me to the top of the rafters to see what the customers were looking at. And often, to tell you the truth, the sound was better at the worst.
seat in San Diego Sports Arena or Long Beach Arena or the Fabulous Forum or any of those places, you know. So it was, you know, I was anywhere I could get anywhere close to that band during that year. The most interesting place to be with them was on their airplane when they were, you know, when the bass player would play the organ on the plane and people would be singing along and drinking beer and that was kind of fun. Who was the, of all of them, who was the wildest? Well, I would say Jimmy Page was the wildest because he was the quietest and in many ways the most dangerous. Although the drummer was so intoxicated all the time that they had to carry diapers for him. We do that for Woods. He would pass out and wet himself on the plane. That Woods does that. Did you ever get any groupie fallout? That's weird. If you look at LZ-75, there's some very interesting pictures of some of the women who are around the band. And there's a lot of good photographs in there that no one has ever seen before because I took a good photographer with me. So there's a lot of interesting visual imagery that if you're a Zeppelin fan, you just haven't seen before. These guys ever creep you out? Yeah.
Jimmy Page was creepy. He was a practicing magician. You know, I mean, all that stuff was true. He was doing that stuff with the, you know, I don't know if he was. So is Woods. But, you know, maybe everything but, you know. He was a trip. Still is, I guess. Yeah. But Robert Plant was the opposite. He was just a sweet guy, big, you know, blonde, shaggy guy with a lot of hair, smiled all the time, a real hippie. There was no, you know, the thing that was interesting about that period, there was no rehab. Back then. You know, I mean, people were doing crazy things and doing crazy drugs and alcohol and things like that. Like dying is what they were doing. They were. Now, were these guys ever afraid of it? No. There was no fear. In fact, just the show fear would be in very bad taste. Who was the most nervous before a show? Well, the drummer was terrified all the time. John Bonham. And very homesick and missed his wife and kids and his cows and his cars and all that stuff. He was very unhappy, but he had to go turn around and be brilliant four or five nights a week. In fact, he was really the Led Zeppelin. If he didn't play well, the whole show was terrible, and if he played great, the show was great. It was really all about John Bonham at the end of the day.
Steven Davis, thank you for coming on with us. He's got a new book called LZ75, and I actually got it on the iPad, so you can order it either. You can get it in a variety of ways, but it's a new book about his time that he spent with Led Zeppelin, and we appreciate you coming on. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Hey, come on again, too, when you're doing the Carly Simon bit. That's in January. I'll see you then. All right. Thank you. Thanks. Feast. Hi, Hill. You don't want to get when you're doing the Carly Simon bit. I want to know about that. I mean, you know, when I sent her off the air to Woods, Woods was like, eh, Carly Simon. I said, no, man. I think there'd be some crazy stuff going on there. She's awesome. Last time I saw a mouth like that, I had a hook in it. I get it. And I'm not into the music. I'm not necessarily into the music, but I bet you there was crazy stories. You know it. I'll bet you there was plenty of crazy stories surrounding it. This one, LZ75, looks like Rolling Stone. It's giving it really good reviews. I want to read it. Wait in line, kid. That's right. Easy there, Turbo. There you go.
What do you got coming up, Hill? I'm going to play one of our recommended bands. They are from Austin. And they are on fire. White denim. So good. I'm going to play something from them. Some Dinosaur Junior. New Chili Peppers. And then kind of a mixed bag for today's Desert Island Discs. Interesting taste this guy has. There you go. Lovely and talented. Hillary is up next. And guess what? We didn't do this. M1's Sean from Chula Vista. What was the word of the day? It was what? That is correct. Congratulations. Make some noise for yourself and our live studio audience. Hillary's up next, and we will see you tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. The Mikey Show's out. Large Insurance and Financial Services Corporation. Not that we're bragging, but the benefits are pretty good. FM 94.9. It's about the music.