The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/08/11
Thursday, September 8, 2011
airplane moviemic controlsnickname rhondaeskimo blue waterscontact photo ocdwoods mic mishapjay comedy schoolchaz bonogop debategumby robberyparenting studyred lingerie census ad
Mikey opened the show by reminiscing about Airplane and joking about the new Vector1 mic mute button, then explained how he nicknamed L.O.B. Rhonda. He introduced Eskimo Blue Waters (Judy Douche), discussed his OCD about contact photos and Woods’ mic mishap, and highlighted Jay’s Comedy School for abrupt, direct jokes. Mikey compared Woods to Chaz Bono while sharing his conflicted thoughts on the recent GOP debate and Republican voting, then played the Gumby robbery clip. He cited a parenting study showing mothers spend 1,168 more hours per year parenting than fathers, presented Jay’s red‑lingerie Hungarian census ad, and closed with an interview and live performance by Dallas Green of City in Color.
What happened, in order
Airplane nostalgia & mic glitch
Mikey reminisces about the movie Airplane, jokes about making a brooch, then discusses mic issues and the new Vector1 button that lets hosts mute themselves.
Rhonda nickname origin
Mikey explains how he started calling L.O.B. Rhonda because it popped into his head and stuck, despite potential confusion for new listeners.
Eskimo Blue Waters introduction
Mikey introduces local musician Judy Douche, who performs as Eskimo Blue Waters, detailing her claims of fame, wealthy background, and outrageous antics to get into the building.
Contact photo OCD & Woods mic mishap
Mikey describes his OCD about having contact photos for everyone, then recounts Woods accidentally headbutting the microphone.
Jay's Comedy School abrupt jokes
Mikey and guests praise Jay's comedy school for teaching abrupt, direct jokes that skip subtlety, sharing examples of hurtful one‑liners.
Chaz Bono look‑alike & GOP debate thoughts
Mikey jokes that Woods looks like Chaz Bono, then shares his conflicted feelings about the recent GOP debate and Republican voting.
Gumby robbery reenactment
Mikey plays a clip of a man dressed as Gumby robbing a 7‑Eleven, imitates Eddie Murphy’s Gumby line, and discusses the absurd crime.
Parenting time disparity study
Mikey cites a study showing mothers spend 1,168 more hours per year parenting than fathers, equivalent to 49 extra days.
Red lingerie census ad
Mikey describes Jay’s provocative Hungarian census video featuring a topless woman in red lingerie, a whip, and a whip‑wielding stocking‑clad figure encouraging online census completion.
Dallas Green interview & Oh Sister
Mikey interviews Dallas Green of City in Color, who talks about his song “Oh Sister” written for his sister and performs it live in the studio.
People mentioned
mikeywoodsl.o.b.rhondajaychrisjamierandy lanejudy douchedallas greenrebeccajakelaurenjohn
38,072 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
reminiscing over the scene in Airplane where they say to the gay guy, what do you make of this? Well, you can make a boat or you can make a hat or you can make a brooch. A brooch. Oh, my gosh. It's the greatest. It was one of those movies that when you first saw it, it made you cry. Yep. It was like a naked gun, something about Mary. Yeah. You ache when you leave. Oh. And you couldn't wait to see it again because you knew you missed half of it laughing through it. So funny. It's one of my wife Jamie's favorite movies. Me too. She dies. I haven't seen it in years. I got to see Airplane. Oh, man. It's brilliant. You got to get it on Blu-ray. It's out on Blu-ray. It's got to be. Blu-ray? Yeah. I think it is. What? Is your mic too hot? I don't know. Can you hear me? Yes. I really don't have me in my headphones. You don't? How about now? Hello? That's better, yeah. You do now? That must be what Vector1 means. Because there was a new button here that says Vector1. Try turning your mic off and talk. They did it! They did it, dude! Now turn it on. What did they do? They did exactly what I wanted over at the other station.
So now you have control as well. Yes, but you can do it. It's exactly like it was at the old station. How weird. So if you if you need to do something, if you need to do something, you can turn your mic off. How nice is that? Yeah. But if I you know, if I need if I want to for any reason, I can pop that down and I want that control. That's fantastic. I love our engineers. Guys got it done. Yeah, they did. Welcome to Mikey's show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show, and I am 41 years old, and I don't know if I'm going to keep doing the... I think I should do the intro thing where I explain who everybody is. I just don't want to bore everybody with how much time it takes. I'm going to do it fast. Woods is our sports guy. L.O.B. is our assistant producer, but I call her Rhonda. I do, too. Jay is our... producer, and he is 48, and our phone screener is Chris. That's crap. The word of the day today is Ozone. I'll say it sometime between 9 and 10. It's good for a pair to see Arctic Monkeys with TV on the radio at SDSU Open Air Theater. It's also good for lunch at Surf Brothers Teriyaki. It was off the air. It was yesterday. I have no idea why. I just...
was you know messing around it just came out of my head to my mouth and I said what's up Rhonda and I just called L.O.B. Rhonda there is no rhyme or reason to it uh there is uh I've known one Rhonda in my life I'll have you know she was a good looking person so you know must be it uh I don't know I just said Rhonda you know I could have said any I could have said Anna I could have said anything Rhonda came out, and it stuck. It makes sense. It didn't really stick. It didn't stick with you. Identical Rhonda. Identical Rhonda. But you're going to confuse new listeners. I don't care. There was a point in my life where I had people that would say things to me like, Mikey, you know, if you call her by a different name, people may not know what you're talking about. And that went against my own instincts. I just couldn't agree. I mean, the guy is one of the best consultants in the world. Yes, he is. Certainly in North America, there's no doubt. Our consultant, Randy Lane, but one thing that I always have to do is have fun. I have to have a good time. Even if it means hurting me? Is she crying? What?
I'm looking at Woods. I can't make eye contact with Rhonda because I... She's crazy. Why am I crazy? Rhonda's crazy. Rhonda is. Is that like when we were kids and, you know, just pick an item, you know, highlighter, and you just call your brother highlighter and he gets mad? Like, it doesn't mean anything. Like, if I called you a-hole, maybe that would get you. I understand that. Rhonda. My mom would be very upset. My parents gave me a name for a reason. Oh, boy. It was my birthday the day that they gave me my name. It's true. You know, my mom would probably be really upset to know that she didn't raise me to ride sailboats with little top siders and, you know, boat shoes and wear Tommy Bahama stuff. In fact, truth of the matter is, I only have one Tommy Bahama shirt. Well, you have one pattern. One style, I should say. It's the button down. Short sleeve. Yeah. Silk. Yep. Slash rayon. Right. It's like what Charlie Sheen would wear in Two and a Half Men. Right. That style. It's identical. I don't worry. Identical TB. No less than four. It's on.
In the last week, four pictures, posts of Tommy Bahama and Tommy Bahama. That's not enough. That's way not enough. That's like 42 low. Just sit back and enjoy the show. They're making sort of a resurgence, Tommy Bahama. They never left. Probably due to you. Shut up. Stop. Move forward. They can't. It's not my style. It's exactly. Your style. It's your style every... It was my style once at a Blue Owl in Maui. What do you call something... What's my style? White V-neck shorts. Yankee stuff. Okay, that's my style. Your style every day. TV shirt. How do you not call that your style? Yeah. How dare you? Every single day. Okay, maybe you don't always wear TV pants, but it's always the shirt. Always the shirt. And then you change when the audience comes in because you don't want them to know. Never has. Perpetuate it. Right. Jay is 4080s, our producer, and Chris is our phone screener. It's Chris. I already said that. Whatever. It's like a flashback. Groundhog Day. Yeah. Let's see. With my brain. Imagations 7. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yuck. And then Eskimo Blue Waters wants to stop by. She said that this time it's not about shameless plugs. I wonder where that broad's been. Well, here's the thing that you need to know about Eskimo Blue Waters.
Local musician, real name, Judy Douche. Although she says she doesn't go by that anymore. And she also says that she's French and it's pronounced Judy Douche. But every time I see it, it looks like Douche. There's no accent. Yeah. She also tries to basically steal every person that has ever been as famous as Persona. Okay? And so she claims to live in her Mustang. She also claims to be a starving musician when, in fact, she grew up wealthy, lives at her parents' home in La Jolla. Probably has a nice trust fund. Of course she does. She will show our nighttime janitor her breasts in order to get into the building. Yeah, it's insane. She wants to be famous. So bad. At all costs. Yes. And she's going to come on this morning.
at 8 o'clock, and she's going to tell us, she's out sick. Come here just for a second. Have her come in just for a second. I just wanted to tell people, and I want to get her word. Really? Putting break? No, no, no. You've never actually had me in. I know, but you're waiting here. Hi, San Diego. Good morning. This is EBW. It's 72 degrees. All right. Ask them all. I thought this was like an audition. It's not. I just wanted to make sure, because you're coming in at 8. You're not coming on now. No. I just wanted to make sure. This is not your usual bit of shamelessly plugging you. No. The thing that I've realized is that doesn't work. It rubs people the wrong way. So it's about the people this time. Okay. And it's about the music. Perfect. Perfect. Because that's what the station is. That's what FM949 is. Right. We're a talk show. Well, we are. But the rest of the day, it's about the music. I'm more about the name of the jersey. What is it? It's the name on the front. The front of the jersey. Not the name on the back. Right. And so today, instead of coming in to shamelessly try to be famous.
No ventriloquist act today. No magic tricks. No ice cream. No gimmicks. No new things that are about EBW at EskimoBlueWaters.com. You're doing it now. You're doing it now. I just wanted people to... You have a website. Right. That's... EskimoBlueWaters.com. It's completely insignificant. I don't even care about that. You shouldn't have mentioned it. You just mentioned it. Okay. And you got a Twitter every single time. Yeah. Yes. I forget what my Twitter account is. It's been a long time. I think it's the real EBW. Official EBW. Official EBW. Twitter.com slash official EBW. EBW. You're a clown. Get her out of here. All right. Beat it. See you guys later. See you at eight. Hang out here in the office because I work here. Also, later on the show, we're going to be talking to Dallas Green, who's going to be performing at the House of Blues. Yeah. I love, I love, love Dallas Green and his music. It's City and Color is the name of the band. And he sounds like this. I've just always really enjoyed it. And this is a really cool thing to have him on. My real hope is that he, the day that he does the House of Blues performance, will come in here and perform.
He's got the coolest look, covered in tattoos, but wears glasses, short hair, and is just an amazing guitar player, amazing songwriter, and has a really nice tone in his voice. Sounds like you've got a little bit of a crush. Well, it can sound that way. And musically, I do. Musically. Yeah, I know what this is. Yesterday, I got... Dallas' phone number and I made a big deal out of it to everybody. And then I went on the internet and I found a picture of Dallas and stuck it in my iPhone so that when I look at that contact, there's his picture. It's the only nude picture I saw of him. Very single white female of you. Except you're Mexican married male. It's very married Mexican male of you. I think most Mexican males in their 40s do the same thing. I have a couple of, like, athletes in my phone, but I don't have their, I didn't get their picture. Yeah, but you don't care about having contact photos for any of your photos. You don't even know how to do it. That's a true statement. For all of you, I have a photo. For everybody that I can have a photo, I have a photo. I have a photo for my old agent, which he didn't give me. I had to go online and find it. Because I'm, I am OCD. I'm OCD about everything has to be.
filled out if it's blank it makes me uncomfortable i become uncomfortable if there's a thick i was going through my contacts the other day and realized that there are some people that are in my contacts i have their phone number not their email that drives me nuts it drives me nuts if iphone didn't have the option to have a picture for a contact you care less right the fact that they do and i don't have it and it's blank and it shows an outline of a human makes me uncomfortable It's a very ambiguous head. It could be Justin Bieber. Could be. Could be Ellen. Could be Ellen. Kurt Warner's wife, maybe. Could be Cher with short hair. I don't know. Or Cher's daughter. Son. Chaz. Woods. That was Jay taking an opportunity to make a Woods joke. And then Woods fell headfirst into the microphone. His head banged into the microphone. You could be a stunt double.
Stand in on Dancing with the Stars. Hey, Jay, stop it. Hey, this is Jay Isbell from Radio's The Mikey Show. Would you like to learn how to tell jokes but get rid of the subtlety? Well, then come to my new school called Jay's House of Abrupt Jokes. Now, what I will teach you is that there is no science to comedy. A lot of people think that a lot of comedy is about tamming. Timing. But it isn't. The bottom line with comedy is just get it out there. In other words, if someone's ugly, you don't have to waste your time by saying, man, that girl fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Takes too long. What I do is I just go, man, that bee's ugly. And everybody laughs. And then everybody laughs and loves you.
I signed up for Jay's Comedy School over a year ago, and I got to tell you, my jokes have gotten better, more direct, and more hurtful. For instance, my grandmother, I walked in one day and said, Hey, Grandma, you're really effing old. I used to be afraid to call my boss what I felt like he was, but now I just walk in and I'm saying, Hey, I hate your stupid guts. Thanks, Jay's Comedy School. You guys are getting it. Hi, my name's John. You know, before I went to Jay's Comedy Store, I wasted so much time ordering countless DVDs of professional comedians. But ever since going to his school, I can now walk into a room in my office and say, Hey, Bill, you're a fat Mexican. That's right. Don't waste time telling your jokes. We live in a world of instant entertainment. People want... Instant gratification. That's why I don't waste time with being clever, you ugly bee. I am very clever. Clever? I just put it out there. Hey, Chaz Woods, get it? Well, yeah, we get it because you just said it, man. You just put it out there, bro. I can also do it this way. Steve Bono. That works, too. It's called a reverse. You just reverse it. Now.
Sometimes if I really want to spend time, I'll be at home, I'll take out a notepad, and I'll come in with something clever like, hey, Woods, you know you look just like Chaz Bono. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Good times. 620, everybody. Good morning. So last night was the first GOP debate. And I'm Republican and I'm like, gosh darn it, man. I don't like anybody. I'm obviously going to vote Republican because I don't want Obama to go for another term. Well, see, that's the wrong thing to do, Mike. Well, here's the deal, dude. I think there's going to be a lot of Democrats that are going to vote Republican. I totally agree with you. I totally agree with you. But I don't know about just, I don't know, like the partisan bit, man. Shouldn't you take all, take everything? Oh, dude, I don't. I don't. You don't? I am not. Listen, I've always said that I feel that it's childlike.
To go, well, I'm Republican, so no matter what, I'm voting that way. I think that's childlike. I think that you're not thinking if you do that. Dude, here's the only reason I'm saying it. We're in trouble. There's no question. That's the only reason. There's no question. Okay. Talk me into something. If a Democratic candidate, because socially I am liberal. Socially, I believe people. deserve certain things freedoms i don't want to be a socialist and be like we'll pay for it everybody gets a free car right because you can't i mean it's sound it's sgnt it sounds great but how you can pay for it right and so but i look around right now i'm like gosh darn dude unemployment is bad and not just unemployment but the economy is terrible and uh he's sort of all over the place in the things that he says and There'll be a big natural disaster and he's playing golf. It's the same stuff you heard about George Bush. It's just that he's better looking and more articulate. Maybe Ron Paul's the candidate for you. Ron Paul is not my candidate. And I hate to say that because there's this big Ron Paul guy that's one of our M1s. Oh, yeah. And this guy sends me Ron Paul stuff. Me too. And I've heard it. I've listened to it. I've heard it.
Knock yourself out, pal. You love yourself some Ron Paul. Go for it. He ain't my guy. He ain't my guy. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. They're going to be the two bubbles that rise to the top. Palin hasn't even put her name in there. Thank God. And I hope she doesn't because I just I don't think she's a good candidate. Plus, she's a woman. Oh, wow. I'm glad you said it because I didn't want to say it. Her and Michelle Bachman just, you know, just spinning their wheels. Just wasting money, really. And they've been very easy to make sound clips that sound dumb out of. They have. It's been very easy to do that. The high heel fits. This is Mitt Romney and Rick Perry squaring off last night. Governor Romney, while he had a good private sector record, his... Public sector record did not match that. As a matter of fact, we created more jobs in the last three months in Texas than he created in four years in Massachusetts. States are different. Texas is a great state. Texas has zero income tax.
Texas has a right to work state, a Republican legislature, a Republican Supreme Court. Texas has a lot of oil and gas in the ground. Those are wonderful things. But Governor Perry doesn't believe that he created those things. If he tried to say that, why be like Al Gore saying he invented the Internet? Look, the reality is there are differences. There are differences between states. I came into a state that was in real trouble. Huge budget gap. Losing jobs every month. We turned it around three out of four years. We had unemployment rate below the national average. We ended up with 4.7% unemployment rate. I'm proud of what we were able to do in a tough situation. Time, Governor Perry. I know back and forth, but Michael Dukakis created jobs three times faster than you did, Mitt. Well, as a matter of fact, George Bush and his predecessor created jobs at a faster rate than you did, Governor. Oh, well, then. Wow. Oh, well, then. That's not correct. Nice to see everybody came prepared for tonight's conversation. They sure did. Yeah. He anticipated what he was going to get, and he was ready with a line. And he's right. He's right. When George Bush was the governor of the state of Texas, he created more jobs faster than Rick Perry did as the governor of Texas. That's a lot more relevant than Dukakis. Yeah, Dukakis, 88. Michael Dukakis, Newt Gingrich.
who will not be a factor, I don't think, weighing in on it last night. Mr. Speaker, as you remember, you wrote the foreword to Rick Perry's most recent book called Fed Up, and you called him, quote, uniquely qualified. So now he's running against him. He wrote the foreword to his book and called him uniquely qualified. Now what? You're running against him. You said he's the guy for the job. Now what? Explain what's taking place with the economy. Does that mean in terms of job creation credentials he has your proxy at a gathering like this? No, but it means if he wants to write another book, I'll write another foreword. So what do you mean? Do you mean that you didn't mean it? Is that what you mean, Newt? You wanted the publicity, maybe? No? Yeah, what's the point when you say if he writes another book, I'll write another foreword? Wait, wait, wait, wait. You said he's a guy for the job. Right. He said he's a guy for the job, bro. I was kidding. It's like Eddie writing your foreword. Exactly. He's a guy for the job. This is Mikey. He's my main man. He's my guy. We're best friends. Look, he said himself, that was an interesting book of ideas by somebody who's not proposing a manifesto for president. Hey, listen. If I were ever back on the show, I'd say he's my best friend again. Kidding. Gosh darn. I mean, it's just jokes, you guys. I mean, do you guys understand that...
Don't you know a joke when you hear one? A joke when you hear one or something? L.O.B.'s, excuse me, Rhonda's jaw dropped open and she had to physically grab a hold of her jaw and pick it up off the ground. Double whammy. It's nice to get her. Somebody wrote the other day and they were like, I thought you and Eddie were best friends. And all I wrote back was, we were. And that's the truth. It's a true statement. Operative word is were. Yeah, but I mean, we're not anymore. We hadn't been for many, many years, but we were. It's like somebody saying, I thought you freaking loved poison. I did. I did. You're great. I was 14. I thought you tight rolled your jeans. I did. I did. I thought you wore glasses, bro. I did. I went to Dr. Sandy T. Feldman. So did I. So you're saying things got better. 2015 better. Me too.
Perfect. We're basically perfect. That's right. You can be too. There you go. Let's see. The old Woods is back. He's not back. I was trying to take care of business. Gosh darn it. Oh, that was great, man. What is going on there? Every once in a while, every once in a while, Woods will give me a hand signal to let me know, instead of just saying it on the air. He'll give me a hand signal. Sometimes, though, the hand signals look like a third bass coach. Hello, my baby. Yeah, and it's like... And I'm like, slider or a change-up? Slider or a change-up? Slider, you know that. Is this what you meant? Yes. Because you did... You pantomimed a guitar with a violin. And I'm like, orchestra, orchestra. Idiot. It's all right.
We have so much stuff to talk about, man. First of all, we're talking NFL when we come back. We're going to do our picks for the games this weekend at 7. We still have EBW to come in. Imaginations at 7. Gosh darn, we got a lot, man. And there's still stuff I didn't even get to. Oh my gosh, we got a great show today. Love it. This is The Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Live from Progressive. First caller. I just broke up with my boyfriend.
I think you called the wrong number, but Progressive.com lets you compare our rates with our competitors. So there are other fish in the sea. Really? Yeah, you'll find someone. No, you can really compare rates at Progressive.com? Wow, you got over that quickly. Visit Progressive.com to compare rates and start saving today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Flo here, let's take another question. Hi, Flo. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts. Great, but that's not really a question. Oh, you're right. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts? Still not quite right, but you get the idea. Progressive makes it easy to save. Right. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Ovation Cell Therapy. You've heard about Ovation all over the radio and seen it on CBS, NBC, ABC, and Fox TV. For thicker, stronger, longer, and healthier hair, Ovation Cell Therapy and the new Paraben Sulfate and Formaldehyde-Free Advanced Ovation Cell Therapy System is the buzz everyone's talking about.
I started using Ovation because of the commercials I heard on the radio. I saw an improvement in my hair immediately. It was shiny and easy to manage, and I'm not seeing large amounts of hair in my brush after washing. Ovation is the best product I found for my hair. I'll use it as long as you keep making it. Stop the breakage costs from harsh chemicals and heat styling. Restore dry, brittle, and damaged hair to a softer, smoother, healthier, more beautiful appearance guaranteed. Grow your hair thicker, stronger, and longer. Simply log on to Ovation Hair. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with top text and data for only $55 a month. Way less than those other guys. And an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zio's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered Zio for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart.
So, Cricket. Limited time offer. Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricket Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricket or MyCricket.com today. So smart, so Cricket. While Lexus-certified pre-owned vehicles have won their share of acclaim, none is more meaningful than the praise from our most important critics, the people who've driven them. Experience the value of a Lexus-certified pre-owned vehicle for yourself at our Season to Change sales event. Now through October 31st, we're offering 1.9% APR on every vehicle. And everyone is factory-backed, undergoes a 161-point inspection, and comes with a three-year, 100,000 total vehicle mile warranty, roadside assistance, and complimentary loaner car. So stop by and let us know what you think. As we said, no opinion is more important to us. than yours. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido or San Diego.
The Padres' schedule is winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded... Pennant race coverage, and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10, beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego, as the Padres are on the road, live from Arizona, 615 Thursday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres' uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4 San Diego. Mom!
I don't want to be a pilot. Is it tough? It's not easy, but you could do it. Study hard, go to a good school, never skip your math homework. Piece of cake. Oh, yeah? But can you finish those carrots for your pilot's vision? I'd rather do my math homework. Thought so. There's a moment when an activity becomes an accomplishment, and when that moment comes for your child, you want to be ready. The ScholarShare Plan, California's official 529 plan, can help your kids reach their potential. It's a careful, consistently maintained college savings program, and your earnings are federal and California state income tax-free when used for qualified higher education expenses. For more information, visit ScholarShare.com or call 800-544-5248. To learn more about the ScholarShare College Savings Plan and its investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses, please contact Fidelity for a fact kit. Read it carefully. The ScholarShare College Savings Plan is offered by the ScholarShare Investments. Some call it the bond circular. Others call it the bond weekly ad. No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only.
We're making it easy to stack up for the weekend. Also check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Lucerne Yogurt is $10 for only $5. 6-ounce sizes, selected varieties. Tropicana Pure Premium or Trop 50 juices are $3.49 each. 59-ounce sizes, selected varieties. It's easy to stay healthy this flu season when you get a flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary. And you'll get 10% off your groceries. Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. Chronic Tacos now has two locations, one in Encinitas and one in Solana Beach. They offer fast, fresh Mexican food from third-generation recipes. Grab breakfast all day or maybe some fish, shrimp, fajitas, or fries. You can customize your entree any way you like it with their fresh ingredients. Check out eatchronictacos.com.
This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners. Your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealers. Looks like Oceanside on the 5 southbound between the 76 and Carlsbad Village Drive. Pretty slow this morning. Also, East Mission Road in both directions at North Orange Avenue. There's an injury accident. Three cars. They've got lanes blocked. This report also brought to you by Burger King. Burger King tried to... delicious croissant, which paired with Seattle's best coffee, enjoy a flaky croissant, perfectly cooked eggs, American cheese, and your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. I'm going to open my beer right as we start. Chelsea Lately. And he was talking about the state of rock and roll and kind of what he thinks about rock and roll. Take a listen. I liked your speech, by the way, at the VMAs. Everyone did. And it's saying never to lose. I'll probably misquote you because that's my specialty. But saying never to lose faith in rock and roll. Something along those lines, right?
Yeah, you know, the Foo Fighters, we've kind of been in our own little bubble for 16 years. We're really lucky because we do everything ourselves. We have our own record company. We make the records in our studio. Sometimes we make it in my garage. Sometimes we do it in my basement. And then sometimes we make our own videos. And we don't really pay attention to a lot of the other things that are going on outside of us. Musically, you mean? Musically, I mean, honestly, we've sort of just... done what we do for so long that every once in a while I'll stick my head out of our little hole and think like where'd all the rock bands go and like wait they're using computers that's not fair you know so but I mean when I when I listen to a lot of popular music it's hard for me to find something that seems like actual human beings making music so when the food fighters go out to play a lot usually I'm wasted when I'm playing so It doesn't sound like the record, you know? It sounds like five guys beating the s*** out of their instruments. As a true fan of rock and roll, I would agree with you. I know nothing about music, but I know you're right. Here you go. That was from Chelsea Lately. Could not agree more with that human being. I'll tell you what I don't agree with, and I thought was a little SG&T. It sounds great to say, boy.
You know, all these bands nowadays, they're all using this computers and stuff like that. And I'm like, that's not fair. Now, so you know, he doesn't record that way. They take the instruments into a garage, sometimes his garage, and they beat the hell out of them. And this last record, they didn't even record it digitally. They recorded it the old way on tape. Now, the reason I say SG&T sounds good, not true, is because... And that record that I was just playing you and all their other records, they have been recorded digitally. Right. And they kick ass. I think what he means, though, is like when he said popular music, I think what he means is all the auto tune and all that stuff. Right. And that's the reason I said SG&T is because, hey, bro, the fact that you do it without computers and that you do all that stuff, I think is great. Maybe you can even go as far as to say admirable, although. What the hell do I care? I don't care what's in the hamburger. Does it taste good? You give me a hamburger and I don't taste it and I go, hmm. I really do get the essence of that mustard. And I think that this mustard is, was this manufactured organically? Because, you know, I really believe, whatever. Does it taste good or does it not taste good? You can tell the difference between.
I can't with that. Mustard and ketchup. That's what he's saying. Like with this new record, I listen to it, L.O.B., I can't tell. I don't know that it's recorded. It doesn't sound like it's on vinyl or anything, but it's not. He's not like, you know, he's not auto-tuned up. It's not real tricked up and overproduced. He also said rock music, too, though. He's talking about rock music. I'll bet you he was talking about bands like Muse. Muse. Well, I'd say most bands. Most bands. are using a form of autotune, you don't know it. It's easy. They all use Pro Tools. They all use, like, I had friends that were in a band, a rock band, okay? And when they recorded their first album, they had a drummer. He's a really cool dude. Ironically enough, his name was Phil Colin. And he was a great drummer. Bad hairline, though. Terrible hairline. Well, different guy. Different guy. But they recorded an album with him, and what they did was they replaced most of his drums with something called Pro Tools. They recorded him hitting a drum. Boom, boom. Then they'd have him hit the hi-hat. And then they'd take this program called Pro Tools, and they did this. What you're about to hear is not a real human being drumming. I wouldn't have known it.
I wouldn't have known. Yeah, because when you see him live, he's up there hitting a drum. And he's awesome. Yeah. I agree with Dave in the fact that there are just not a lot of rock and roll bands out there anymore. No. Yeah, most of the popular music involves some sort of, like, synthesizing or auto-tune. All I care about is chunky riffs. I love chunky riffs. Well, there's very few left. Chunky riffs and melodies. You give me chunky riffs and melodies, I'm going to be in on it all day. A lot of banjo out these days. No. There is. Big player. This always got me. Still does. I still like chunky guitars and a dude sounding like a dude. Uh-huh. But it's too hard for me. Yeah. I like some hard stuff. That's just too hard for the kid. I love it. I'm getting old. Now I know I'm getting old. Let's see. So we got the NFL back tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight. Set your fantasy teams, people. That's right. There's a real game. It's a real thing.
They got uniforms and everything. It's a real game. Love it. It's not preseason. Tonight counts. Yeah. I bet they'll have a big to-do. They are going to have a big to-do. Tonight is at Lambeau Field, which is just landmark in the NFL. It's Green Bay against New Orleans. It's the last two Super Bowl champions. And it's going to be awesome. Aaron Rodgers against Drew Brees. Two guys that can sling the rock down the field. It's rad. And they can throw the ball really good. It's tonight. It's NBC 530. So I thought this was pretty interesting. Two guys that have some very different opinions about a conference rival here in San Diego. The Oakland Raiders. Michael Irvin on the Oakland Raiders. I don't know. I don't believe that. There's about a bunch of guys deciding that they're going to have... Now, the reason that they were asking him about the Raiders specifically, and what he's saying there is, I don't care if Al Davis is the owner of the Raiders.
The Raiders can win a Super Bowl. Yeah. Long as they get it in their heads, they can win a Super Bowl. Why is he responding to this? Because of what Al Michaels just said. Are we ever going to win a Super Bowl while Al Davis is still alive? No. Never. Well, how much longer do you think Al Davis is going to live? He's going to outlive all of us. Well, he may do that, but you ain't going to win a Super Bowl. I agree, by the way. I think Al Davis has lost his mind. Yes. And if he hasn't lost his mind, he's lost a part of it. Some of it's gonzo. Yes, he's non-Copus Mantis, for sure. I love that. I love it. I don't know what it is, but already I like it. He's out of it. He's completely out of it. Don't you like what Mike says, though? Mike Irvin? Yeah, I do. He's like, who cares? Well, I like what he says, but SG&T. Do you think so? Bro.
I don't know, man. I really think that Al Davis has too much say. Well, he's obviously going to put the players on the field, right? I mean, he's the GM and owner, so he's going to give them what they have to work with. But he's also in their ear. He's also in the head coach's ear. Oh, yeah, for sure. And a lot of owners, they just say, hey, man, that's your job. But I think what Mike is saying is, listen, if the players say, listen, we're going to go out and win, it's a mentality that you have to have. And I love that. That's why the guy's always been my number one. The playmaker. I love Michael Irvin. I love what he has to say. But I think that you do have to have what he's talking about. And I also think that you need a head coach that doesn't have to kowtow to a weird guy. Well, Cowboys won plenty of Super Bowls without having basically a puppet for head coach. Because Jerry Jones has always been in their ear. Always. And I mean on the sideline in their ear. Lee Stiles stays in the box. Cowboys won plenty. So you believe that when Jimmy Johnson was the coach of the Cowboys, that it wasn't really Jimmy Johnson calling those shots? Oh, no, it was Jimmy. But what I'm saying is that he had to do plenty of cowtown to Jerry. Plenty, you know, and as has every head coach since.
That's right, man. It's about the player. It always comes down to the players, man. If the players have it in their heads. Now, listen, I'm going to be honest with you. Half the time I was so doped up on cocaine. But the bottom line is I'd go in there doped up, get those guys fired up. If I wasn't on the cocaine, I couldn't get them as fired up. I'd be like, hey, guys, we're going to go out there today. But if I had a good line, I'd walk in. I'd go, hey, guys, what do you think? You want to win the game today? And we would go out there, man, and I'd catch him every time. That's why Woods loves me, man. He says he'd take me any day over Jerry Rice who can't snort the 50-yard line, man. That is a true statement. Can't do it. Give me 88 all day. That's right. Let's see. So we didn't ever talk about this guy in Nevada that shot up the IHOP. But it's a guy named... Eduardo Sencion, he's 33 years old, he's from Carson City, and walked into an IHOP and started shooting people in the IHOP with an AK-47, and then proceeded out onto the outside and started to open fire outside in the parking lot. And there was a gentleman on the phone with 911. 911, what's the address of you? Yes, IHOP. There's a shooting going on, a mobile shooting.
Oh my gosh. That one even got me at the end, Woodsy. You know, I always say to Woods, hey, come on. That's what they're trained to do. They're 911. That one even got me where I was like, maybe it's the only person with automatic weapons in the IHOP parking lot. So maybe you don't need to know if it was a long barrel or short barrel because there's
Apparently, one shooter, just get the cops there. It's the guy with the automatic weapon. Yeah, it's like listening to your wife ask you questions about your weekend. Yeah. And you're like, it's done. It's over. It's fine. Everything was good. I played golf. Like, I got it. Now, if that had been, maybe if that had been a woman on the line, she would have gone, well, it was approximately seven to eight inches long. So I would say that it was between a short barrel to a long. They communicate well with each other. I don't know. It's a gun, man. Automatic weapons. That's it. Semi-automatic or automatic? Are you sure they're automatic? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. How quickly have the shots firing off? I didn't count. It's just they're going. He's shooting at me. Right now. Like with a long barrel or? That would be a good 911 operator. Yeah, she would. I just wonder if they try to keep him on for a certain amount of time to like either trace the call. Yeah, they told him where they were. How about some important questions like can you identify? You know, what does he look like? Is he a blonde? Yeah. It's true. Yeah, I mean, I think they're typing as they're asking. They're typing to the cops, and they want to be able to give them as much information as they can, but sometimes, give me a break. Tough job. If you go to our fan page on Facebook, facebook.com slash Mikey Show, you see the video, the surveillance video of the guy dressed as Gumby that is robbing a 7-Eleven. Now, this is making worldwide news, and it happened right here in San Diego, in Carmel Mountain, Rancho Penasquitos.
A guy dressed as Gumby. Yes, I said Gumby. I'm Gumby, dammit! It's Eddie Murphy. I can identify him. I'm Gumby, dammit! Walked in to this place dressed as Gumby with the back of the Gumby outfit opened up. Said to the guy, I'm not kidding. This is a holdup. He asked for a pack of cigarettes first. Then he said this is a robbery. The clerk thought he was joking. And Gumby said, come on, man, don't waste my time. I have things to do. Do you? Do you have things? Like, what else is on your agenda besides dressing as Gumby and walking into the 7-Eleven at night? Maybe hang out with Pokey? Maybe. Maybe play some Pokey? He's going to end up in the Pokey. Yeah, 100%. He said he had a gun. He started fumbling with his costume. Guy got scared.
San Diego Police Department detective looked at it and said, yeah, it's hilarious. Pretty good. I'll give him that. I'll give him that. It's funny. It's funny. Gumby, yes. Got it. He said, but it's a serious crime, though, and we take it serious. Well, the investigation should start off well because they should just see within a 100-mile radius who bought or rented a Gumby costume. Fair enough. It can't be that many. That's true. Maybe we look at surveillance from Comic-Con. Yeah. You know what I mean? I already heard you say that. I used to have the Gumby action figure that was bendy. Of course. I used to chew on it. Yeah, me too. It's on our Christmas tree every year. It was Gumby. Wasn't Gumby the creepy animation? Yeah, like a clay. He was like, woo, woo, woo. I thought that was Mr. Bill. It was, but I think they got that idea. They had the same voice?
No. You just did that thing with his mouth. Because I almost just launched into my Gumby impression, which was actually Mr. Bill, and I would have felt like a jackass. So I'm glad I bit my tongue. One and the same. Fair enough. How about this text that says, Mikey? Mikey, my son is for sure having sex. Of course I'm concerned. Should I let him do it at home or he'll be safe? M1 pop. Jay print that out. Of course he did. I'm going to buy my... Bottle of Jack, too. He's probably going to drink. I mean, as long as we're in the business of, you know, condoning and supplying. Having sex is not illegal. Having sex is illegal if you're a minor. If you're both minors, it's not, is it? I think it is. I think it can be. Yeah, I think it is. What charges would be filed? Statutory? Yeah, sex is a minor. On both? On both? Having sex? Come on. I've heard of that before.
That's just your, that's just argumentative reasoning. Like, in other words, you're going, well, it's not illegal. Well, drinking Jack is illegal if you're under it. I had cops come to my car when it was all sweated up in the windows, knock on the window. Excuse me, excuse me. Put your clothes on and go home. Yeah. Okay. Well, you were out in public naked having sex. Yes. But I think it was on a dead end street. What he's saying is he didn't get arrested for. Now, it went up to him. He's like, hey. If my parents have been cool, they just give me some rubbers. Let me use one of the rooms of the house. Can you imagine? I don't know. It would have been great. It would have saved me the trouble of having to drive out to the lake, find a secluded wooded area. I mean, I'm not for kids having sex. I would say wait. But at the same time, if your kids are going to have sex, what if they're doing it at the end of a road and a maniac comes and breaks into the car and all of a sudden kills your son? Well, I obviously don't think. That's wonderful. I don't. I think that sucks, and you know what I mean? Right. Now, but I also am not going to be like, hmm, let me think. There might be a maniac out there, so I'm going to get Luke some rubbers. I'm going to tell him to have his girlfriend over, and then I'll make sure, I'll put a do not disturb. What if he tells you, Dad? I'll get him some Al Green records, too. What if he tells you, Dad, I am having sex? I'll say, what's the matter to you?
We've talked about this before. He's like, hey, you know what? Feels real good. That's great. You know what else feels really good? Alcohol. Made your dad an alcoholic. That's you, dad. It's not me. Okay, well, I've taught you. Which one are you? I know you are. Luke, I've taught you. I've taught you better now. She's the one. Okay, well, listen. I'm going to marry her. We're going to wait until we're out of college. Okay, well, listen. Here's the deal, bub. I don't want you having sex. I don't think it's right. I've taught you that I don't think it's right and that you should wait. And I can't stop you. I'll tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to condone it. I find you doing that in this house. I'm going to kick your ass. I'm going to kick her right out of the house. We're going to go over to her house then. Great. You're grounded, by the way. We'll be out in the driveway. You're grounded. I'm going to sneak out my window. Hey, listen. And by the way, kids don't do that. What they do is they keep secrets. They don't go to you and go, hey, dad. It feels real good. I had friends that told their parents everything. Yeah, I had those couple friends too. Hey, listen. I am not down. Excuse me. I'm not against having the type of relationship with your kid where you're able to talk to your kid. It's just that my kid, there were certain stuff that my dad put into my head as I was growing up. This isn't acceptable. And I know that kids are doing it. It ain't acceptable.
Some of the stuff I did, some of the stuff I was afraid to do because I was afraid of my pop. God, it's going to be fun when your boys are about 16. You can't wait. Oh, my God, Mike. I will say this. As much as it stinks, I'm glad it isn't my daughters, and I'm having it. I would be dealing with that, and I'd be flipping a lid. You guys are going to have a daughter soon. Yes. Hopefully. Right, Rhonda. If all goes well. Good call, Rhonda. Imagrations is next. Yes. Yes. Payback. Twelve California hospitals have been fined with endangering patients. You know, stuff like leaving sponges inside of them, that kind of stuff. Any in San Diego? I'll tell you. Next. Mikey Show, FM 94.9. Hey, gang, it's your old pal Woodsy. I need a favor from you. Need you to sign up now for the Pigskin Pick'em, presented by Expressly Gourmet. Try and pick the most games each week in the NFL. Compete against me and other M1s. Pick the most and you'll score a tailgate at home catered by Expressly Gourmet. Awesome. Sign up now at FM949SD.com. So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, we've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola.
the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking, Is that the 10? The 5? Touchdown! And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's talk to Ronnie on line one. Jay Box, I'm about to drop some knowledge on your listeners. Drop away. All right, check this out. I drop a monster truck limo. Want to know why? Because that's your job? Nah, bro, because I go big or I go home. Boom, that's how I roll. Okay. Yeah, I got a 99-inch flat screen mounted on top of my shock aquarium. Know why? Because I go big or I go home.
Yeah, well, I've got the perfect thing for you. My new jumbo breakfast platter. It's huge. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eight mini pancakes, and your choice of bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Aw, yeah. I'm going to get ten of those breakfast platters. Know why? Because Ronnie doesn't want to go home. True that. Because Ronnie lives with his parents. Yeah. Try Jack's new jumbo breakfast platter. It's scrambled eggs, hash browns, mini pancakes, plus bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Price and participation may vary. Love AIS? You should love AIS. AIS is doing so much for you. And you can call 1-800-777-4AIS. More drivers on the road right now. You know, you got people going back to school, things like that. If you've got a new car, got to make sure you got insurance. 25% of the people that are driving around out here in California do not have insurance. Don't let that be you. Call AIS and save a lot of dough. I did it. Save $1,600 a year. You can do it. It's really easy. But the biggest hurdle for you is just getting to the point where you actually make the phone call because most of us don't. We procrastinate included. So since I'm saying that, let that be sticky in your brain and go, yeah, he's right. I do procrastinate and I can save a lot of money.
And it'll make you feel better to not be paying the same high rate for something you have to have, which is insurance. So do this right now. Give them a call. 1-800-777-4247. 1-800-777-4AIS. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied. What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new instant storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account, often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow. Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Merchant Services Agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase Business Checking Account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. JPMorgan Chase Bank, any member of TIC. Some call it the Vaughn Circular. Others call it the Vaughn Weekly Ad.
No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only. We're making it easy to stock up for the weekend. Also, check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Lucerne Yogurt is $10 for only $5. 6-ounce sizes, selected varieties. Tropicana Pure Premium or Trop 50 juices are $3.49 each. 59-ounce sizes, selected varieties. It's easy to stay healthy this flu season when you get a flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month, way less than those other guys, and an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zayo's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps.
So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered XIO for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus, unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers. Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricut or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Right now, get two croissant-witch breakfast sandwiches with sizzling sausage, melted cheese, and fluffy egg for just $3 at Burger King. It's the kind of deal that shines brighter than a thousand suns. Magnified by a... That hasn't even been invented yet. This two croissant-wich for three bucks deal is the kind of deal that the world's cutest baby panda would stop mid-sneeze just to marvel at. The kind of deal... You get the idea. It's a good deal. The two for three dollars breakfast croissant-wich deal. Only at Burger King. For a limited time, price and participation may vary. Breakfast hours only. Single item at regular price. Tax extra. Morrissey. Don't miss the return of Morrissey. Special guest, Kristen Young.
November 22nd at the California Center for the Arts Escondido. Tickets for Morrissey go on sale Friday at 10 a.m. at Ticketmaster.com or at the California Center for the Arts Escondido box office. Morrissey, an all-ages event. Produced by EEG Live. This report is brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. We've got some slowing as you head on the 15 southbound between the 78 Villarancho Parkway. Speeds about 10 to 25 miles an hour. Also, some backup here on the 5 northbound at Encinitas Boulevard. It's an injury accident, a big rig, and a SUV. They're over on the right shoulder. And some delays as you travel on the 52 westbound between Mass Boulevard and Santo Road. This report also brought to you by Burger King.
At Burger King, try a delicious croissant, which paired with Seattle's best coffee, enjoy a flaky croissant, perfectly cooked eggs, American cheese, your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Filth. As filthy as it can get. And Jay. I've got bees in my attic right now. On FM 94.9. Freaking Rhonda. You're unbelievable. You're unbelievable. You're un... I hate you. You're incorrigible. Mike, is that typical Rhonda? It's so Rhonda. It's so Rhonda. It's so Rhonda. Good God. Wait, what's this? I'm here, Rhonda. EBW's coming in here at 8. Dallas Green from City in Color will be on at 845. If you don't know who that is, don't worry. I'll tell you. Stupid. Tell you about these hospitals that are endangering patients here in California. Hear about the guy that was trying to steal lobsters in his pants. They were live, by the way. Oh, Jay. He had on cargo shorts. He'll be in charge with a misdemeanor. He's from Southern Mississippi, Jay. A misdemeanor?
Yes, a Mr. Wiener. It was a Mr. Wiener. The lobster Mr. Wiener. Yep. Oh, my God. 35-year-old guy, and it happened on Saturday. He was stuffing food. That is definitely true. Two bags of jumbo shrimp, a pork loin, and two live lobsters into his shorts. Let's call that a Friday night. Yeah. Literally. I call that grocery shopping. Yeah. I call that, you guys going to eat this? I'm taking it out, man. Stop wasting. Why are you taking that home now, Jack? Because Jasper likes live lobsters. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, I'm going to tell you in a second about a nice re-signing by the Chargers and a nice extension that they gave. But first, sports is brought to us today by U31. It's the... The place in North Park, that's where I will be watching football this season. So the Chargers re-upped with Mike Cyphers. He's one of the best punters in the league. He's awesome. Yeah, and you know, it's one of those things you got to do. The guy is one of the best. You got him, lock him up. Got him for a five-year deal until 2016. That's right. He's young, too. Young. You know, he's a punter, but...
He's as good as he gets. Field position battle, it's so important. And our San Diego Padres got themselves a nice little win yesterday. 3-1 over the Giants. Cameron Maven made a great play in center. He has really been one of the only bright spots this season for that team. Cameron Maven. Cameron Maven, been great. So we're going to do our football picks here in just a second because the season starts tonight with the Saints and the Green Bay Packers. GOP debates last night. Mitt Romney and Rick... Rick what? Perry. Rick Perry. The two dudes for the GOP, probably. So, are we ready for some imagations? More than anything. Let me tell you about the California hospitals. No, there are none in San Diego. Good. Feast. How about that? But... The fines were between $50,000 to $75,000 for leaving stuff like sponges, surgical instruments, inside people in the following counties in California. Alameda, Contra Costa, L.A., Riverside, San Francisco, San Luis Obispo, Santa Cruz, Solano, and Stanislaus counties. Right here in California. And now it has happened here. It didn't this time when they did this sweep from the state health department. Didn't happen.
But it has happened. When my wife had her cesarean, when our twins were born, they had to x-ray her because they thought they might have left a sponge in her. Turns out they did not. A sponge is the only thing that may be questionable. Like if bleeding starts and you're trying to, like anytime that they leave tools in there, I'm like, why don't you have a checklist for what goes in and what goes out? Why are you laying it down there? Yeah. Why are you resting it on my abdomen? On my pancreas. On my pancreas. Don't you guys have like a plate or a tray? You get an assistant? You got an assistant? With gloves on that you can just hold it? This is bloody, man. I'm sticking it on this pancreas. Yeah, I got to put it right here on this lung. This is filthy? The lung is filthy. Right. So I'm just... Close him up. I don't want to look at this anymore. Doc, should we run down that checklist? They're all numbered. Just stitch him up. It's gross. It's good enough. I got to go next. It's imagation time. Oh, thank you. Imagations are something that we do with Jay because Jay has many talents. One of them is the art. Ah, shirt shimmy. Shirt shimmy. One of them is the art of doing voices. Yeah, so many voices. Thank you. Thank you. He's like Craig Gass. Yes. Yes. When Craig's not here.
Thank God we have Jay to fill in. Sometimes you think it's Craig. Sometimes you think Craig Gass may be in studio. That's right. So for his first voice, ladies and gentlemen, welcome you out to Full Raceway. In fact, today we're going to be at Darlington International Raceway in South Carolina, and we're talking to one of the NASCAR drivers, and he drives the number 25 car. I tell you what, I sure do. There he is, Jay. Jay Isbell, driver of the number 25 car. He was a pole sitter, and he won the race today. He is a pole sitter, Mike. He is a pole sitter. There's no question. That is true. Tell us about your victory, Jay. I tell you what, I put the pedal down to the metal. I go round and round. What do you think the key to victory was with the car today? I would have to say it's flimmy, flimmy. Connected to the big engine-y part.
Do you want to thank any of your sponsors? I'd like to say thank you to Pennzoil, Redman Tune Tobacco, and I can't think of any other one that I need to thank. Thank you, NASCAR driver. Jay. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. I can't laugh during this bit. I don't want to miss it. I know. The last one, we're not going to have any music. He's just going to do it. Acapello, as he would call it. Now, the next one, ladies and gentlemen. We will be talking to an Australian croc wrestler. Hi, mate. How are you? I'm very good, mate. I see you're here at the... Hold on, my dingoes are getting a little wild over here. I see, mate. I see we're here at the... That dingo got my baby. I see we're here at the Perth Animal Rescue, and you are an alligator crocodile wrangler. Hold on, Pygmy, I'll talk to you in a minute. What's that? I said, hold on, Pygmy, I'll talk to you in a minute.
Oh, my God. How long have you been working here, Australian crocodile wrestler? Seems like going on for about 40 years. What's it clicking here? I'm talking to the pygmy. Aborigines? Yeah. Is that what you meant? Pygmies, aborigines, whatever. Hold on. Okay. Yes, I'd like a blooming onion. Yes, yes. On the phone, back to the States with Outback? And the aborigine friend, he wants what? Sure it's not your pygmy friend? Oh, he'll have a blue one in you, too. Big in the outback. It's not at all. It's big in Toledo. Oh, my God. It's big in Toledo. You ready for the last one? This is the greatest thing I've ever heard. My face hurts. Oh, it hurts. Now, when I ring the bell, we will begin. Jay, I'm going to help you out by telling you that what...
What you're going to be selling is a 1956 Cadillac, and you are an auctioneer. Go ahead. Do I have $25, $25, $25, $30, $35, $40, $45 for this here Cadillac. It's going to cost you five cents to fill it up, mate. Oh, wow. $45, $45, $45, $55. I got $55 over here with a lovely young lady with a big booty. Yes. How much from the little spending guy over here? Yeah, $75. $75, $75. $4 to $75. Oh, my God. Easy, big spender. Oh, God. Oh, the mixing of them. Good day, mate. Oh, God. His paws of oops. Oops. Holy cow, dude. Those need to be recorded and just played back like every once a day. Oh, my gosh.
I can't get enough, dude. Oh, my face hurts. Oh, my God, my stomach. I freaking love it. There's Jay. It's incredible. Shirt, Jamie, shirt, shirt. Amazing. Oh, gosh. I love it. To the girl with the big booty. Booty? You know how girls with big booties are always there trying to buy 1956 Cadillacs at an auction? All right, tonight is the start of the NFL season. Me and Woodsy are going to give you our picks for week one. We'll start off with tonight's game. New Orleans, Green Bay. I got the chance at home. 100%. 100%. Packers. Aaron Rodgers. Enough said. Atlanta at Chicago. I'm taking Atlanta. You got too many weapons there in Chicago. They got a lot of untested people. Yeah, they got Jay Cutler, so king of the interception. And Captain Dumbface, I'm also taking Atlanta. Indianapolis at Houston. No Peyton Manning. No problem for Houston at home. None. Houston. Got Matt Schaub. Buffalo at Kansas City.
Woods' adult baseball league, the Tipsy Crows, could play Buffalo and probably beat them. I thought we'd give them a run for their money. Plus, Kansas City, even though Matt Castle's not feeling that good. You still got Jamal Charles, Dwayne Bowe. Yep. I'll take Kansas City. Me and you both. Tennessee at Jacksonville. Oof. McCown's the new quarterback in Jacksonville. You got a hungry Chris Johnson. I'm taking Tennessee on the road, dude. You know... I'm going to disagree with you. I'm going to take Jacksonville, though it's against my better judgment. All right. Well, I got some of those coming up, so you're going to hear some ones where you're going to go. Are you kidding me? Cincinnati at Cleveland. Rookie quarterback in Cincy. Cleveland at home. I got Cleveland. I got Cleveland, too. Colt McCoy's going to have a big year. Philly at St. Louis. I actually take the Philadelphia Eagles to win this year's Super Bowl. I think Philly on the road, Woods. I think Philly will take this game. I don't think there's any chance that they win the Super Bowl. Don't jinx any of you. There's no chance. Pittsburgh at Baltimore. Pittsburgh's too tough, in my opinion. They got a great Mendenhall who's running real strong in the preseason. I got Pittsburgh. I do, too. Ben Roethlisberger is, you know, the guy's a winner. He wins football games, and it's not going to change. Detroit. Detroit. Detroit. At Tampa Bay.
Josh Freeman, quarterback, Tampa Bay at home. You got Mike Williams in his second year. He's supposed to be improved. LeGarrett Blunt. LeGarrett Blunt. Yeah, I'm taking Tampa. You know what? I took Detroit on the road. I took Matt Stafford slinging touchdowns to, what's the cat's name that I like? Yeah, Calvin Johnson. Calvin Johnson. I was going to say Charles Johnson, but he was a bust from USC. So I'm going to take Detroit on the road against Tampa. Minnesota at San Diego. Feast. You know that. Yeah, 100%. Giants at Washington. Washington is starting Rex Grossman. Yep. So that's all I have to say. Yeah, exactly. Giants. Agree, 100%. Carolina at Arizona. I like Beanie Wells because he's having a competition to run with a chip on his shoulder, and they're at home. I'll take Arizona. Yeah, they got Kevin Cobbs as the starter now, and Carolina's going to be starting Cam Newton. I'm excited to see him play, but I don't think he's going to win in his first game. Seattle at San Francisco. New head coach. New attitude. Legit players. San Francisco at home. San Francisco at home. Agreed. Now, here's where we're going to differ, Woods. New England at Miami. You can't do it. There's no way. If everybody's going one way, you got to go the other. You're out of your mind. I'm taking Miami at home against the New England Patriots. Can we put money on that? That's silly. That's silly. I'll put $1 on it. All right.
Done. I took New England, obviously, because Chad Henney is the starting quarterback for the Miami Dolphins. And Reggie Bush ain't that great. Oakland at Denver. Oakland looks better to me. McFadden's a man. Oakland on the road. Okay, I took Denver, but I could be swayed either way, but I'm going to stick with Denver because they're at home. Dallas at the Jets. The Jets are solid. Their D's solid. I think they get it done offensively. I'll take the Jets. I took the Cowboys. You know, it's going to be a 9-11 letdown, I think, in New York. They're going to be very emotional. I didn't even think of that, Woods. Now you're swinging me even more my way of the Jets. Oh, no, no. Come on. It's going to go the opposite. They're going to be so inspired in their hometown. Yeah, it worked well for the Yankees in Old World. That is true. They lost the World Series. Now, Woodsy, give me one solid pick, you say, to our M1s. You take this team. You will not go wrong. I took the Chargers. That's good. That's good. I would have thought of that. I think they get off the snide of the slow start right now. Phillip Rivers is the hungriest quarterback in the league. Get behind those Chargers. My solid pick is Houston at home against Indy. You're a communist, Mike. Hey, and if fans want to do this with us every week. Hey, dude, that's the whole reason that I did this.
It's really fun, and the website I was impressed with and thought it's cool. Yeah, it's rad. Go to MikeyShow.com, and what is it, Woods? They can go to MikeyShow.com or FM949SD.com. It's brought to you by Expressly Gourmet, and it's the Pigskin Pick'em Challenge. Play against me, play against Mike every single week, and it's rad. Just go on there and sign up, and it's the Pigskin Challenge. Now, the only thing I need to figure out is how I can... see how I'm doing against you and other M1s and all that? I think we'll know better after this weekend how it's going to work. I don't know how that works per se, but we'll figure it out after this week. But get in there and sign up right now. Try to beat the kid and his little Mexican friend. Let's see. Do you do something as an adult that is something childish that you do as an adult with your food? What do you do, Woods? I make soup with my ice cream. Did it last night. Sherbert. Now, I don't eat ice cream anymore. So you kind of let it melt and you stir it with the spoon until it melts into a liquid. Then I drink it. Yep. Did it last night. You did? Yes. I do the very un-adult thing of slurping up the milk on the bottom of the bowl after eating cereal. Which is...
Not dignified. It's not adult. It's not mature. With the bowl to your lips? Bowl to your lips, tilting the bowl, and it's barbaric, but I don't care. I'm a kid that way. Mine's mashed potatoes. I like to build it into different shapes. Maybe a volcano. That's rad. Maybe a vagina, Mike. Maybe. It just depends on how the mood sets me. Jay didn't even have to say that one, Woods. He just did. I just did. All right. I'm Jay. See, I'm speaking through a different voice. I can do whatever I want. I can do whatever I want. L.A.B. I think I eat more childish things than I do. I put chips in my sandwich, but that's not that childish. That's way childish. It's very childish, yeah. I think it's just delicious. It is, but so is making sherbet into a... Yeah. So is drinking milk right out of a bowl. I do a lot of the hard sucker candies, like Tootsie Pops, stuff like that. What do you mean? Like, you don't see a lot of 30-year-old women walking around with Tootsie Pops in their mouth. That's true. Well, unless they're ecstasy dealers. Yeah. Then you might. Why? What do they do? They put ecstasy in it? No, they chew on it. They get oral. They get oral. Start moving your mouth. Not that any of us would know. No, I've seen it happen. From what we've heard in raves and stuff. You guys know weird things. No. I didn't know that stuff. You didn't? People will, like, grind their teeth, too. Yeah, that's why they chew on pacifiers. Oh, my God.
It's got to be safe. Because they're high on ecstasy? Yes. So grody. I had no idea. That's why L.O.B. chews a lot of lollipops. No, it is not. She does a lot of ecstasy, by the way. I don't. You can tell us if you want 570-1949. What, if they do ecstasy? No. We want to know. Your childish thing that you do with food. I don't drink the milk, but I do the soup, dude. And I mean, like, I'll get the bowl and just... Oh, yeah, I still do that. With soup? We'll be at Benihana and I'll do it. Jamie, my wife, will go, what are you, six years old? Don't slurp out of the deal. Matt Commerce, my boyfriend, licks his plate clean. He does? That's usually how I know I've made a good meal. He will pick up the plate and lick it clean. Wow. I'd break up with him. Why? If I saw him do that, I'd break up with him. It's cute. If I did that, my wife would be disgusted. I look at him and then he stops in the middle of it. Like he's like a dog that got caught doing something. And then I laugh and then he keeps going. Speaking of dogs, this is something Woods will be totally fine with. My brother did it. It's to me, and I know there's a huge portion of our audience that does. Nothing will disgust me more than watching someone take their freaking plate and putting it on the ground for their dog to eat it. Why?
That sicks me out. Why? Because their freaking butt has been licked with that tongue. You don't reuse the plate yet. I know you don't. It's filthy. It's filthy. I just think it's filthy to give dogs human food. Oh, boy. Hey, listen. I think there's an argument for that, too, L.O.B. I don't think you need to do it. I don't think you need. Well, I like what Jay does. Jay does something for the health of the dog. He feeds his dog raw chicken. Yeah, but dogs would eat that. Yes. In the wild if they had their... But dogs wouldn't eat sherbet in the wild? No. That's weird. I hate that bit, dude. I hate the giving the dogs food. Oh, boy. And I hate to clean my plate. It's gross. It's freaking gross, man. So my dog, Penny, when she's hot in the car, is it weird that I pool water in my mouth and let her lap from the pool of water that's in my mouth? Is that weird to you? That is gross. Is that weird? Plate did bother me. That's weird to you, huh? That... That is weird. I wouldn't even let my baby move. That is... Me either. Please don't play that. That drop needs to be immediately... That needs to be deleted. Delete. And not... Beg you not to play it. Ew. Gross. So that's not good? It's gross. Oh, come on. Filthy gross. Filthy gross. Disgusting. Speaking of filthy gross disgusting, I know Jay would do what this guy did.
But most Americans wouldn't. He freaking butchered something in his driveway and got arrested. What? What? Why would they arrest him? Oh, my God. I'll tell you next. 570-1949. Or text them. 949mikey at gmail.com. So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, We've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking, Is that the 10? The 5? Touchdown! And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa.
And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. Hey, gang, it's your old pal, Woodsy. OP Dubs in the house. I got to tell you guys about Denny's new Let's Get Cheesy menu. Now listen, I've got one of these on order right now. My man Chris just went to pick me up the new cheesy breakfast sampler. It's got cheddar smoked sausage, two eggs scrambled with cheddar cheese, hash browns topped with melted shredded cheddar cheese, and choice of bread. I got toast. I got toast. Okay, Mike got toast. You can get pancakes. You can get all kinds of stuff. Listen, this is a new menu celebrating cheese. There's nothing better than a delicious food. Cheese makes everything better. It's kind of like bacon. Hey, Uncle Woods. Hey, what's up, little Juan? Hey, don't let Jay shame you out of getting Danny's, bro. I won't, dude. I'm telling you. Because it's delicious. It's delicious. Let's get cheesy, little Juan. Just because Uncle Woods is so mean. Uncle Jay is mean. Yeah, that he's so mean to you that he's all.
Hey, why are you going to get food that's got any kind of calories? What you should be having for breakfast is a piece of celery and water. Well, of course, but he had a cinnamon roll today. So listen. True. We are going to go to Denny's for the Let's Get Cheesy menu. It's available all day, every day for a limited time only. Offers dishes starting at $4.99. Treat yourself. Some call it the Von Circular. Others call it the Von Weekly Ad. No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only. We're making it easy to stock up for the weekend. Also, check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Lucerne yogurt is $10 for only $5. 6-ounce sizes, selected varieties. Tropicana Pure Premium or Trop 50 juices are $3.49 each. 59-ounce sizes, selected varieties. It's easy to stay healthy this flu season when you get a flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details.
coupon expires one week from issue, other restrictions may apply. There's a coast-to-coast buzz about Ovation Cell Therapy. Friends are telling friends how Ovation has helped their hair grow thicker, stronger, longer, and faster, guaranteed. I've received more compliments on my hair during the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. My hair is softer, smoother, and healthier. I'm so happy with Ovation. I've personally recommended it to at least 30 of my friends. Ovation is the best product I've ever used. Stop the breakage caused from harsh chemicals and heat styling. Restore dry, brittle, and damaged hair to a softer, smoother, healthier, more beautiful appearance. Guaranteed. Simply log on to OvationHair.com and click on FM 94.9 at checkout to receive a special introductory discount. And when you log on to OvationHair.com, look for the new paraben, sulfate, and formaldehyde-free advanced ovation cell therapy system. Join the Ovation Nation now. Log on to OvationHair.com and remember to select FM 94.9 at checkout for your special introductory savings. OvationHair.com Your waiter asks if you're having your usual. Your barber says short back and sides, right? Your tailor is resigned to gray. It's time for a change. Replace the mundane with the exceptional at the Lexus Certified Pre-Owned Season to Change Sales Event.
Every vehicle undergoes a 161-point inspection, is factory-backed, and comes with a three-year, 100,000 total vehicle mile warranty, roadside assistance, and complimentary loaner car. And now through October 31st, every one is available at 1.9% APR. So go on, let your hair down, or at least get a hip or cut. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. 48 monthly payments of $21.65 per thousand finance. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Only a limited number of customers will qualify. No down payment required of qualified. Warranty is three years from your day to purchase or 100,000 total vehicle miles. Website assistance coverage only available at Continental U.S. See your certified pre-owned Lexus dealer for details. Offer ends October 31, 2011. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied? What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account, often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow.
Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Merchant Services Agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase Business Checking Account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30th, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of TIC. Clarence Collected Clichés. So every day a new cliche was printed out on his HP printer. Then one day his ink ran out, so he ran like the wind and bought an HP multi-pack. No longer between a rock and a hard place, Clarence finally printed to his heart's content. And while some days were as busy as a bee and others were dead as a doornail, saving money always made Clarence a happy camper. After all, a penny saved is a penny earned. Print more and save up to 10% with everyday pricing with HP Multipacks, founded a retailer near you. HP, hit print. Compared to single standard HP ink cartridges based on average retail pricing. Why, Ethel, I've never seen a bingo night like this. Ooh, check out Norman Breakdancing. I didn't even know he could walk. Go, Norman, go, go, go. What's gotten into everyone? I spiked the punch. With what? Frank's Red Hot.
I put that on everything. Frank's Red Hot Sauce goes on anything. Its aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to tacos, pizza, wings, pasta, chicken, steaks, fries, sausage, chili, and it'll liven up any party. Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I put that on everything. This report is brought to you by Allstate. The more you protect, the more you can save. Bundle coverage for your car, your boat, motorcycle, or more. Call your local agent to bundle today and save. Okay, looks like we've got some backup on the 5 northbound at Encinitas Boulevard. Due to an injury accident, you're backed up to Santa Fe Drive. It's a couple cars. They did clear it over to the right shoulder, though. 15 southbound at the 5, an accident. A couple cars, one in the center divider, the other over on the right shoulder. And the drive-thru National City is a little tough right now on the 805 southbound at 43rd Street due to an injury accident. This report also brought to you by your Chevy dealers. The all-new EPA estimated 42 mile-per-gallon highway Chevy Cruze Echo miles ahead of its time. and the competition with a 1.4 liter turbocharged engine. Chevy runs deep. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good Thursday morning to you. This is Bird with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for this Thursday morning. This is being brought to you by Bird's Surf Shed. Anyways, today surf is looking like a kind of fun zone, a little south-southwesterly swell out there in the waters.
still lingering on, holding its own in some of the areas most open to that soil direction. Kind of small in South San Diego County, knee high, waist high on average, few pluses, top spots. North County spots, Oceanside and so forth are definitely picking that south soil up better, looking at some fair shape up there, surf riding more in that waist chest high range, maybe even a few pluses on top of that. Clouds are blowing away quickly, what little there was. Looks like another sunny and potentially hot day once again, potentially hot day once again. The FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. Had to sneeze. And Jake. No, I didn't cry. I'm a man. On FM 94.9. Look at that. The ozone's cleared up and we got some beautiful sunshine out there today. No more clouds.
And it's going to start getting cold soon. I know that. Is it going to be hot as balls again today? Probably. Probably. Hotter than. I like it, though. I hate it. You have air conditioning. I love it. Told you. Woods? You didn't tell me anything. Yes, I did, too. Yes, I did. You didn't tell me anything. No, you didn't, Mike. You know it. I did. No, you didn't. Woods, make the wrong decisions. You know it. You're an apt. No, you didn't. I did. I told you. Go ahead. Divert, divert, divert. I told you. You didn't tell me. I said, Woods. I said. Woods. I said. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. Tell me what I didn't tell you. Tell me. Go ahead. Change it. You didn't tell me nothing. Switch it. You didn't tell me nothing. Divert, divert, divert. You're not. Divert. You know it. You're not. When Woods told me he was getting a place, he said, we found this place. It's really awesome. Only problem, doesn't have air conditioning. I go, don't do it. He goes, I talked to Jay. That's true. You're right 100%. He goes, I talked to Jay. And I looked at him like. You realize that guy could live in Tibet. I survived without AC. I know you did. I don't want to survive. I'm 36 years old. There are many people who survive without AC. It's done. I mean, when he told me that Jay said that, I thought to myself, there are Sherpas in Tibet who would say, how do you do this? To Jay. Jay can live.
In any condition, and it'd be fine. As long as it's reasonably priced. None of the houses on my street have air conditioning. Yeah. None of the houses on my street do. Let me tell you about Jay. Let me tell you about Jay. Jay lives in a house, and he decided that he needed more room. Now, what would we do? Move. Yes. Move. Jay said, I'll just build another floor. He sure did. I'm not kidding. He sure did. He built another freaking floor. The guy dug his own pool, okay? No. Didn't you? Pond. Pond. Is that a true fact? I dug my pond. You built that freaking pond? First thing I did. You madman, dude. You are a madman. I got respect. I got mad-ass respect for some of the stuff this guy does. It's unbelievable. It is, dude. And I bet he likes it. I bet he likes it. Oh, I love it. For me, it would be a night.
It's community service for me. You might as well be here at Orange Fest. Just like old times, they would. Not that old. M1 Brian from Poway. What was the word of the day? I believe it was ozone. Yes, it was. Going to see Arctic Monkeys and TV on the radio, SDSU Open Air Theater, and lunch for two at Surf Brothers. Congrats. Hang on, okay? You're awesome. I want to let people know that tomorrow we will not be here because my son's birthday's tomorrow. He turns five, and myself, my wife, his Grammy, and Woods and Jamie are all taking him to Disneyland. Yeah! Think it's going to be hot there? I don't know, man. I don't know. You think it will? Oh, yeah. Probably about 95. I have to powder up, dude. I don't want chafe. I don't want chafe at that place. What's your issue? Woods told us this.
Off the air. I appreciated it. I told him I didn't really appreciate it either. But this is a guy show. Women listen to it, which we're very fortunate of having. They have boyfriends and husbands. You'll get it. My brother, Steve, introduced me to something called Bala Powder. B-A-L-L-A. It comes in three different versions. Original. And I can't remember the other one. You don't know the other flavor? I don't know. But I get tingle. I get tingle because it gives you a little tingle. Now, what is it for? It's for your boys. It's in the name. It's in the name. And after you shower, you throw a little ball of powder on, and you are so nice the entire day. And I don't care if you're a running back for the Detroit Lions. Now, that's me. Woods says he requires more. I need a little extra. On a day like tomorrow, you've got to go into the reserves. I don't think you're being honest with me about Bala powder. I use it. I love it. You always mention gold bond medicated powder. That's so old. Yeah, dude. He likes to be like a grandpa. With his corn husker lotion. He's got corn husker lotion for his hands. Yes, that's true.
Be honest. Now that we're on the radio, you'll feel more comfortable. Do you use a bottle of powder? Yes or no? I have three powders I use. A bottle of powder is one of them. Okay. Man, you've got to really fortify the city. I'm so embarrassed about what I'm going to tell you right now. You have shower to shower. I have before. Let's everybody be quiet. I want to know. I know exactly. I want to know his routine. I think I do. After you shower, right? What do you do? Depends on what day it is. If it's a hot, hot day. What would I use on game day? Tell me. Bala powder. Okay, just Bala powder. That's it? Yeah. Just Bala powder? Yeah. It's the only day I use it. I use it on Sundays, on game day. Bala powder. Because of Bala? You do it because of the name? You do it because of the name? Like, hey, I want to be a Bala? You're a child. You realize this. You're a child. LMB.
Do you get that? I get it. That's your friend, dude. When I was like seven, I probably would have done something like that. Yeah, it's game day. Well, you wouldn't need it at seven, but if you thought like a seven-year-old, you'd be like, hey, today's my ball game. I need to be a baller. I'm going to use the baller powder. He probably looks in the mirror and is like, you're a baller. A baller. You're a baller. You got the powder to prove it. You got the powder to prove it. You got baller on your ballers, and we're going to baller today. It's a true statement. So I do use it, and I enjoy it. That's the only time. It's become a tradition. Is it superstition now? Yeah, now it's superstition. You silly sausage. How many superstitions do you have? I know. So tomorrow is a big day. It's Disneyland. We're talking probably eight to ten miles of walking, which you and I haven't done in eight to ten years. I need the extra boost. He's squinting and shaking his head. Ten miles of hiking. Really? You're going to walk ten miles? I didn't say hiking. Jerkwad. I said walking. You're not even going to walk 10 miles. Oh, my God. Aren't you? You couldn't walk 10 miles. Please make Jerkwad a thing. Can we please make Jerkwad a thing? It's his middle name. So anyway. Yeah, we're going to walk probably what? Like eight miles? No. We don't? You don't? Two? Maybe two, three at the most. You guys don't do it the way I do it. Rebecca doesn't know this, but there are going to be times where I'm going to say to her, hey, babe, is it okay if me and Woods sit here?
Wow. Happy birthday to you. Yeah. You, Mike. You should rest. I'm not prepared. Look who's worked so hard. I'm not prepared, dude. What do you mean you're not prepared? I'm not in good enough shape. I'll admit it. Listen, I'm being honest with you. Don't look at me like that, LLB. How long have you known about this? Oh, really? I'm supposed to get into cross training at Disneyland? If you're in that bad of a shape, then yes. Mike, I told you. Damn it. Your son only turns 5'1". That's right. You should have been in training. Easy, crap dad. You get to see Woods every day. Hey, crap dad. You know what I did before I took Jasper to Disneyland for his fifth birthday? I ran a marathon. My goodness. I did a triathlon. It's now to the point where we're shamed if we know that a Disneyland trip is coming up. And we haven't cross-trained for it. If you're that out of shape, yes. The fact that you need to, yes. That's the problem, sir. I got to cross-train. I'm going to Disneyland. Too wild. Too wild. Too wild. I'm mortified. I'm mortified. Well, I...
I just wish that I had friends that were like a good bra and gave me support. That's all. Do you? I'm going to get you a little scooter to ride on. Get you a rascal. I wouldn't have a problem with it. I wouldn't have a problem with somebody pushing me in a big wagon. Grammy tomorrow is going to, when we get to Disneyland, Grammy is going to get one of those things. You should get one too. Hey dude, I'm telling you, if I could. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. Listen, the only reason I'm not getting one is because Rebecca would be embarrassed. Yeah. She'd be embarrassed. But if it was like... People that I didn't know or whatever, and I didn't have any fear of being embarrassed. Dude, I really enjoy Disneyland. If I could ride around on one of those little... Right now, L.O.B. has a sad look on her face, and she's just shaking her head slowly at me like, you unhealthy man. I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you. We should just issue one to every five-year-old. Once you turn five, you can get your rascal, and then you never have to walk again. Great. Chances that you and I are jockeying...
for rascal rides after we're all sitting down to lunch, and the women are still eating because, well, they're women, and we're fat, and we've eaten our food, we'll be trying to get on the rascal and ride it around. Absolutely. Maybe we tandem. Chances? Absolutely. Look who's on the phone. Who? My wife? Oh, boy. Come on, babe. Be cool, my love. Hi. Hi, my love. How are you? I'm good. How are you? She sounds furious. Good. She sounds furious. No, I'm not furious, but I was listening, and you're right. I would be embarrassed if you rented one of those things. What are they called? Rascal. I'm not sure. Scooter. Rascal. It's one of those scooters you sit in. Yeah, but I wanted to mention that if my choice is between you renting one of those and staying with us the whole time, or not renting one of those and not participating with us for parts of the day. My choice would definitely be for you to rent one and stay with us for the day. Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Now, I'm willing to discuss this because I'm not above doing it. I will do it. I will do it. Don't, L.O.B. Oh, my gosh. L.O.B. just, here's what L.O.B.'s body language and face just said. I already thought the worst of you.
I didn't think it was possible to think less of you physically. No. And now you're going to rent one of those buggies at Disneyland. Like, she just gave me a look that said, that's it. That's it. I've heard it all. I've seen it all. You know, let's just discuss for a minute. Okay. And hear me out, please. Okay. I would like to know why there would be any issue while you guys are, you know, on a ride with me and the Woodsicle just chilling on a bench. You're right there in front of us on a ride. We're just chilling on a bench. What's the issue here? Well, I mean, I think that what I would like is...
for Jake to be able to spend all day with you. Well, he is. He won't. You won't be waiting in line together. Wait a minute. I'm not going to go on every ride with Jake, am I? Why not? Why? You're the dad. Yeah, I mean, on the rides, because there are some, like, kid rides that he can go on by himself. And for those, you know, we all kind of hang back and just watch him from the side and encourage him and take pictures of him and, you know, just enhance his experience. Yeah. Make it a really special day for him. Remember Ryan with Jakey? No, I don't. I will agree to this. But listen, when we get there tomorrow, this is what I don't want to hear you do. I don't want to hear you go, hang on, hang on, hang on. I don't want to hear you go, babe, you're not really, are you? No. Because I am. I'm not above it. I'm eccentric. I'm very different. Lazy is the word I was looking for. You're going to want to buy one for your house after this. Yeah. How long until somebody just feeds you? Because you can lift your arms. I definitely won't. I won't say anything. I won't say anything. Will you think less of me? Be honest. Will you think less of me? You'll never make love to her again. Rebecca, will your next husband be in real good shape? Oh, wow. Wait, babe, if this means the end of lovemaking, I'm not going to do it. You are 41 years old. I know that.
I'm not going to say anything, but I can't promise that I won't giggle. Mike, I'll do it with you if you get one. Please, would you do it? Dude, let's do it. But do you have, wait, wait, wait. Here's a question. Do you have to have a reason? I'll bring my boots. I'll bring my two boots. I have two boots. You have fake boots? Yeah. Two boots. You have to have a reason, babe? No, you don't have to have a reason. You just pay for it and you get those. You just go up there and you say, hi, excuse me. No, no, no, no injury. Just lazy. They're going to say. Do either of you guys have an oxygen tank? No. Then you have to wear a big sweater with the letter L on it for lazy. Here's an opportunity you could be getting a workout as well as spending time on your family. It isn't that I'm lazy. Isn't it? Listen. It's fun. I'm going to tell you the truth. For me, it isn't about fun. It is for me. Okay, that's fine. I'm going to bang it into stuff. That's fine. I'm going to be honest with you. For me, walking around Disneyland. You know, it simply is some people's, some people really enjoy it, okay? I will be a turd to be around when my pot does hurt. Why not just get the scooter? Everybody's, nobody's the wiser. Wear comfortable shoes. Plus, it's a good lesson for Jake.
Because Jake will learn that, you know, say, hey, here you go. No, he got me. He got me. If you really don't feel like walking, you don't have to. Dad, where's my scooter? He got me. My birthday. I bet you Jake's going to be in a wagon, right? No, he's not. We're going to be pulling him around. He's an able-bodied human. He'll be walking. Not the whole day. He'll have a stroller, won't he, Rebecca? No. Will he, babe? He will have a stroller, but most of the time he walks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be carrying them on my shoulders a lot of the time, too. I'd like a stroller. Happy birthday. Literally. You're a grown man. What's there for Jake or for you? Who's Jake? How mad is Rebecca that I'm going now? She's mad. Why? She's mad that I'm going. Are you mad that I'm going? Yeah, why am I mad that you're going? I don't know. You tell me. I'm not mad that you're going. I'm glad you guys are going as long as you guys don't ruin Jake's birthday. Is Jake there, baby? Yeah, but he's... In a bad mood? No, he's not in a bad... Hold on. It's just that if I get him, then the babies are going to see me and get really mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to start a whole chain reaction that I'd rather not start. Got it. Okay. Well, Jay got me. Yeah. Tomorrow's about Jake. Well, no. I don't want to teach Jake.
that his 41-year-old dad rides around in a scooter. If Jake wasn't there and I wasn't teaching anybody anything, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'll still get one. Oh, boy. I'm getting one. We should get one. It's fun. We'll say it's fun. That's what I'll tell Jake. It's fun. Jake, it's fun. I'll say, Jake, look, we're having fun. We can ride him around on it. We can bang him into each other. No, he can't. What? You can't. You're not allowed to. You can't. Two people on there. Boy. Oh, boy. Gosh, you guys should live a little, man. And you know you're going to have to put your credit card down, Woods, and they're going to charge you if there's any damage to it. Put Mike's credit card down. You guys will only live a little if you don't get your butts out of the scooter and walk. Oh, gosh. They're all calling and telling me a bad example. Crap dad. Yeah, crap dad. Go ahead. Living up to your name. Drop that zero and get with the heat. Thank you, my love. I love you. I love you. Love you. See you tomorrow. Me too. Yeah. M1 Harold, who is supposedly my friend. And you know I love you, Mikey. I dare you. Oh, gosh. With that, you're getting me. We're having fun. That's what we're going to tell Jake. We're having fun. It's not about you guys. Would you say to your... Would you say if you went to...
and ran in a moped to get around the island, you could just as easily walk, but a moped's freaking fun. That's an adult holiday, and you're traveling miles upon miles. What does he know? He doesn't know. You're traveling miles upon miles at Disneyland? Are you? Are you? You are not. Miles. Miles. Walking all day. Is it more than one mile? Depends on how many places you go to. Is it more than one mile? Probably not. Is what more than one mile? Your day at Disneyland. Depends. No, it doesn't. Thank you, Harold. I'll bet you walk. And I'm being serious. If you spend all day. Which we are. Okay. Before I even make my prediction, I want to ask Rhonda. How many miles, Rhonda, my friend Rhonda, do you feel you walk at Disney? Well, me, I walk like five miles. Yeah. You won't. We have to. There's no chance. We have to. You're going to go to every part of the park? And California. And the other deal. Yeah, I went to both. If you go to both, as you claim you are, you will walk probably about four. Which is the exact number I was going to say. In hours. In hours you'll cover that. If it were up to me, and I'm not kidding you. If it were up to me, and we arrived at the park at 10, and I mean if we were blowing it out at Disneyland.
4 p.m. we go home. If it were me, I'm like, Woods, do you know what you're in for, by the way? Yeah, like a 15-hour day. I know that. Yeah. We're closing that mofo down. Yeah. What time does it close? They do this big spectacular parade at the end. It's dark. And they put on this terrifying show for children. With weird wizards. I'm good. I'll sit and have a Coke. That is when I got stepped on by one of the pigs from The Three Little Pigs. I will not attend the parades anymore. I always feel as a 41-year-old I'm going to get kidnapped. I'm like, some woman is going to grab me by the hand. And she's going to grab me by the hand and she's going to be like, come on, son. And I'll be like, okay. She's dressed as a princess. Yeah. And she'll take me. And she'll put me in her car and I'll be raised by her. And people will be like, what happened to Mikey? Everybody will be like, I don't know, we lost him at Disneyland. I Googled average walking distance. What does it say? At Disney. And it is 10 miles. Everyone, S-M-I-D. Feast, feast, feast, feast. What did I say? Where? What did I say?
Best 10 miles of your life. He was right. What did I say? He was right. I just Googled it. Google it. Disneyland or Disney World? My goodness. Disney World. Woods was right. Google Disneyland. Some people, the highest that I saw, some guy walked 22 miles. Yeah, great. Easy show off. Yeah. That was me. It was me. Yeah, some guy named Jay. Jasper's 7th birthday. I don't believe it. Did it backwards. Went back the next day because it felt good. Be good for you guys. Speaking of parenting, well, first of all, EBW is coming in next, Eskimo Blue Waters. But speaking of parenting, wait till I tell you how many more hours mothers spend parenting a year than fathers do. And it isn't funny, but when I tell you, you're going to go, holy cow. Like, we're losers. And you want to know something, Jay? You're in this club. Don't try to get out of it. You're in this club, pal. I don't know. I don't know, man.
Dude, if you weren't in the club, you'd be home right now. It said average. You're working. It said average. Forget it. He's in this club. Part of the Mikey Show now. Text him at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Got to tell you about AT&T and what's going on with AT&T. See, with AT&T, you've got kids that are going back to school and all that business, right? And how do they do homework now? On the computer. If you don't want to hear your kids whining to you, maybe you already do because they go, Dad, this isn't fast enough. Mom, this is the slowest computer in the world. Get AT&T. It's all the speed you need. And this is the good news. It's a great price. $14.95 a month, 12 months with a one-year term, one-year price guarantee. All that extra money, you're saving. Whether or not you're a parent or you're just a person that wants to save money on their internet and get a great product this week.
is the one. It includes the on-the-go access to all the entire AT&T National Wi-Fi Network. Call 877-ONLY-ATT or go online to att.com slash possible. Price for 3Mix service. $10 per 50 gigabytes for DSL usage over 150 gigabytes a month. Local access line required. After 12 months, standard internet rates apply. Offer expires November 5th, 2011. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's talk to Ronnie on line one. Jay Box, I'm about to drop some knowledge on your listeners. Drop away. All right, check this out. I drop a monster truck limo. Want to know why? Because that's your job? Nah, bro, because I go big or I go home. Boom, that's how I roll. Okay. Yeah, I got a 99 touchscreen mounted on top of my shock aquarium. Know why? Because you go big or I go home. Yeah, well, I've got the perfect thing for you. My new jumbo breakfast platter. It's huge. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eight mini pancakes, and your choice of bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Aw, yeah. I'm going to get ten of those breakfast platters. Know why? Because Ronnie doesn't want to go home? True that. Because Ronnie lives with his parents? Yeah. Try Jack's new jumbo breakfast platter. It's scrambled eggs, hash browns, mini pancakes, plus bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax.
Price and participation may vary. I'm one degree away from making myself more valuable. American Public University has more than 75 online degrees. I'm one degree away from standing out. American Public University has been nationally recognized by the Sloan Consortium for Best Practices in Online Education. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about an accredited online university, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. Sometimes when I just need to grab a few things, I had to chevron extra mile instead of the superstore. It's so easy, why wouldn't you? They've got great brands at reasonable prices, every snack and drink you can think of, and there aren't any of those creepy greeters at the door. I mean, those guys freak me out. Stop by your nearest Chevron Extra Mile for a sweet deal. Get two of any king-size to-go or sharing-size candy for $3 through October 31st. One at regular price. Chevron Extra Mile. Extra easy, extra value at select Chevron locations. Don't miss the return of Morrissey. Special guest, Kristen Young. 22nd at the California Center for the Arts Escondido. Tickets for Morrissey go on sale Friday at 10 a.m. at Ticketmaster.com or at the California Center for the Arts Escondido box office. Morrissey.
An all-ages event. Produced by AEG Live. What's your perfect cup of joe? Does it have a splash of French vanilla? Or is your secret high-voltage java straight up? Hey, no. With countless flavor options from cappuccinos to sweeteners, you can go wild and create exactly what you're secretly craving. Where's Mup? At AM-PM, when you buy three cups, you'll get the fourth on us. It's like me. Have it all and then some. AM-PM. Too much good stuff. At participating stores for a limited time while supplies last. See store for details. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month. Way less than those other guys. And an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zio's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered Zio for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers.
Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricut or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. This report brought to you by United Health Care of California, United Health Care of California, and United Health Care Insurance Company offer more than medical insurance and health plans. They also offer vision, dental, life, disability. Visit growhealthy.com. Well, it looks like we've got some backup here on the 15 southbound at the 8, an accident on the right shoulder. Two cars involved. Encinitas, the 5 northbound Encinitas Boulevard, an injury accident earlier backed up to Santa Fe Drive. They did clear it over to the right shoulder. And a hit and run on the 56 westbound at Rancho Penasquitos. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners. Your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your...
participating toyota dealer i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 hey man diego a link in finio station this is the mikey show with mikey when i was in high school i never made love with a girl what that is what heaven is in my mind i get up to heaven and i'm like Oh my God, it's a Krispy Kreme. Lauren. My butt doesn't go straight down. Sticks out. You know, junk in the trunk. In the trunk. And Jay. I tell you, Kim got me on the organic ketchup and then I went back to the Heinz. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. It's 10, Rhonda. Don't fight it. No, it isn't. Stop bringing it out, Rhonda. It's 10 miles. It's 10 miles. First of all. It's 10. He was looking at a forum for Disney World. Same thing, man. It's the same thing. Same thing. You know, especially when you add California. Especially when you add Disney California. That's it. Adventureland or whatever it's called. That's not true. California land. Of adventure. Of adventure. I kept reading further. Rhonda, it's okay.
It still says about nine to ten miles. No, it does not. It does. Exactly right. Nine to ten. See? Typical Rhonda again. I know it. Typical Rhonda. Just like Rhonda. Just like her. Rhonda, you're so typical. God, that's typical Rhonda. So Jay goes, he goes, man, you know what me and my family do? This is off the air. So great. Smart. It's one word for it. He goes, We take a color. What's a color? You know, a color like an igloo. Oh, a cooler. Yeah, that's what I said. Okay. And then we'll put beer in there. Wine. And wine, soda. You'll drink a bunch of beer and then drive your kids home. No, no, no. You do it in the middle of the day. They got a grassy area and I'll make fried chicken and mashed potatoes because I ain't paying for it. Oh, so you don't get like cheeseburgers and stuff in the park. I don't like the food there. Well, I'm cheap.
You don't like the price of the food. I don't like the price. And so we'll sit on the grass and we will have our beers, our wine. Spend like an hour and a half just kind of chilling out. Chilling out. And then... Cheaply. Wait. Where do you put the color when you're all done? Back in the car. So they will go all the way to the car. My dad tried it once. Once. You don't have to walk all the way back to the car. You get on a tram, much like a scooter. And it takes you right back to where you're parked. I mean, and if you park right, if you get lucky, you can park right by the grassy area. So you just open your trunk and it's right there. Bring an umbrella. You're all set. El cheapo. El smarto. And so I said to Jay, I go, maybe we give you 40 bucks and you make that little pack lunch for us tomorrow. And he goes, maybe you give me 75 and we got a deal. He's a Mikey Show gator. Not included in the cost of the food. Of course. I'm thinking about it. My dad tried that one time. My dad tried it one time to be like, hey, we're going to pack a lunch. We'll go to Six Flags. And my brother and I pitch the biggest spin. My mom was like, it's not worth it. It's just not worth it. If I give Jay $100 plus the cost of the food. And it's on me. Should we do it? That's really dumb. It's not. But if we're going to take that money. I don't need beers and I don't need all that. Me neither. I don't want to drink out in the hot 100 degree. No, but you know what would be nice?
You know what would be nice? We take halfway through the sink, we take out a paper bag, and it's got homemade fried chicken and mashed potatoes in it. You need to keep it in a cooler. Who's going to pull the cooler? Why do you got to keep it in a cooler? It's chicken. So? Well, you don't want it all hot and greasy. Don't you? Isn't that exactly how you want it? You know what I mean. You want it four hours later, though. You guys are pansies. When I was a kid, mom would make... homemade tortillas, and make burritos, roll them up, put them in tinfoil, and she'd give them to you. Just carry it around in your pocket? Yes. Look what happened to you. I didn't mean the... Nothing's changed. I had a tuna fish sandwich that would sit in a hot locker for hours. Oh, my God. I thought it was good. I didn't, did you? Hello? What is a tuna melt? It's true. Hot tuna. Yes. Hideous. With cheese on it. Delicious. Hideous. I don't have a problem taking a tiny little...
Cooler. But then I don't want to eat cold chicken and mashed potatoes. Yeah. Right. It's not a good idea. So good. Cold mashed potatoes? Maybe we just buy food there and like normal humans. Yeah, you spend less. Because he cooks good. Cold mashed potatoes are filthy. They won't be cold if we don't put them in a cooler. They'll be room temperature. We'll just have food next week. I need to get a hot dog. Air temperature. I need a five. Pizza slice. Yeah. It wouldn't bother me one bit. Weird. Would not have a problem with it. If you keep this up, Rebecca's going to leave your ass at home. I know. She's going to leave you at home. That would irritate her so bad to think that I, and I'm not kidding, would give him $100 for him to prepare a lunch for all of us. Plus the cost of supplies. Plus the cost of supplies. You don't have a budget anymore. Well, that would be out of the family budget. Oh. Money well spent. Rebecca and Rhonda.
Peace and a pot. Yes. Stop calling me Rhonda. Nope. Can't help me. I so like you, Rhonda. It's so you. Stop it. It's so Rhonda. My name is Lauren O'Brien. R-O-B. R-O-B. That makes sense. Chris hates it. Thinks you guys are dumb. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. He does. He does. He does. He does. You don't hate it. He does. You stop or I'm going to call your girlfriend Perry and I'm going to drop the hammer on her. Put those words back in your mouth. Let's call his girlfriend Perry. How's everything? Stop it. Don't do that. I want you to ruin it. I don't want you to ruin it. I'm not. And her. She's like, you know, that whole woods, the whole thing, I'm just not prepared. What was Chris saying? I'm not prepared for it. You know, I just, you know. Nothing. He's a sweet angel. How are things going? Things are going great. Yeah. You guys still talking? We're still talking. You texting? We're doing something this weekend.
Are you sexting? Woods! You're doing it this weekend? You're not sexting yet? Stop it, you do. I'm disappointed. What kind of ring do you like? Oh, gosh. These are important questions to ask. We need to know the cut. We set Chris up on a date with a girl named Perry. And she's so cute and so awesome. And I say during commercial break to Chris, I go, you guys are really good for each other. I go, she's a great girl, and you're a good dude. And L.O.B. Oh, come on. Says. And L.O.B. goes, what do her lips taste like? I know. And I go, L.O.B. What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? I didn't say that. You guys are great. Unbelievable. I'm with you. I'm kidding. I didn't really want to know if her lips tasted like cherry or maybe vanilla. You guys are monstrous. Monstrous. What kind of perfume does she wear? Do you know? He wouldn't know that. They just started to hang out. They're not dating. They're just hanging out.
What are you guys doing this weekend? We haven't planned that yet. We know we want to do something. We just haven't planned that. You better have a plan. You better have a plan. Hey, wait a minute. Now, that's not a bad idea. For a guy to go, hey, what if we did this? I think that's a good idea. The worst is showing up going, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? You say that until when you get married. The fun is, if he has it planned too early, there's no reason for them to text the rest of the week. If you drag it out and keep going. Suggestions, though, right? Isn't it a good idea for him to go, hey, so... What do you think about we go here or we see this? Yeah, we just talked last night. That's when we were like, let's do something this week. I got an idea for you. Me too. And it's a good one. And it's not crazy. It's called F Street. They sell something called adult toys. They do, actually. Oh, wow. I drove by that place the other day and just looked in the window.
It was two o'clock in the morning. Woods didn't have any clothes on. He was drunk on malt liquor. You know what they have in there? Yes, yes, yes. Woods, what is your advice for him? I picked up a little something when we were at the pottery. I've been known to do that with the ladies a time or two. She likes to fish. She loves to fish. You've never been fishing. I've never fished before. Dude, this is a chance. You know what? I hope she's not listening. I'm telling you now. She probably is. You're Mr. Vulnerable, and you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. Wait a minute. You gave a wits of wisdom advice saying that the guy would look like a panda if he didn't know how. Don't do something you don't know. No, no, that's bowling. I thought it was surfing. No, it was bowling. This is not a sport. This is not a sport. Fishing is a sport. It is not a sport. It is not a sport. If you can drink beer while you're doing it, it isn't a sport. Hello, bowling. Golf, bowling. Exactly. Golf. What's golf? I don't know what golf is. I'll tell you. You mean the 16-year-olds that wear mascara, they're all golf? You're sitting most of the time. You take her on a picnic to the beach. You take her anywhere, but you do not take her fishing. You go fishing with her. She likes to fish. You guys leave him alone. Picnic, fishing.
Wait, wait. If she's listening, can we get her to call? Can we talk to her? Because we haven't talked to her yet. Don't do it. I like to talk to Perry. Love to talk to Perry. We have not talked to Perry since their date. And she really is a good chick, and I don't want to ruin it. That's not a cheap date. You're going to have to get a fishing pole. You're going to have to have a tackle. She's probably got all that. Her dad's a fisher. Hey, can you bring everything? We're going to go fishing, but I want you to organize everything for me. You guys are freaking him out. And if you don't have it, I have the equipment. How about a bottle of wine to the beach? Sit on the beach. I love a drink on the beach. A bottle of wine to the beach. How about a chloroform napkin? Yeah, why don't you put some chloroform on a towel and then just, you know. You won't be on the beach. You'll be on the grass area above it. Why don't you lay her down on tall grass and let her do your stuff. Thank you. Wow, you're embarrassing him. You lay it down in tall grass and let you do your stuff. Down, down, down, down, chicka-down, down, down, down, down, chicka-down, down, down, down, chicka-down, down, down. Do it, do it, do it. She's still spinning up hairballs. All right. Oh, wow. All right. All right. All right. All right. It wouldn't be so creepy if Jay didn't mouth the words to the drop. But he does. He plays the drop and...
And sort of like a wooden mannequin. A Pinocchio. Yes. So weird. Like a marionette. It's all timing. Earlier in the show, we were doing Jay's School of Comedy. Abrupt. Yeah, abrupt. This is Jay for Jay's School of Comedy, where you learn how to tell jokes the abrupt way. Are you tired of wasting up to 25 seconds to deliver a joke? You know, where you actually build it up and give something clever. Well, that's why here at Jay's School of Comedy, we get right to the point. Instead of saying, she's so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop around her neck just to get dogs to play with her. You see, that takes too long. Instead, try this one. Wow, that bee is ugly. Hi, my name's Lauren. I'm a stand-up comedian. I've been doing that for about three years now. And I really have been trying to perfect my craft and just writing joke after joke and trying to deliver it differently. But then I went to Jay's School of Jokes and I just get on stage and say, fat people are gross. And people love it. Thank you, Jay.
When I first received the quote from Jay for his comedy school, I thought $7,000 was a bit pricey. But after doing a second mortgage on my home, I realized my jokes were terrible and I needed to get better. So I used to say to a fat woman, you're so fat, your blood type is Rocky Road. Now I say you're a fat bee. Thanks, Jay. Thanks, Jay. My name's John. And yes, I thought $7,000 for a 10-minute course was a lot as well. But I did learn this, singer. Mexicans are gross. Never said that, for the record. Thanks, Jay. Holy cow. Oh, my gosh. Jay does... He does some very abrupt... Just gets right to... Hey, Mac. It must be like usual, huh? Doing a story about a whale? Hot air balloon? Just giving people what they want. Did you lose something again? Too bad it wasn't weight. Good one. Mikey Show, hello. Mikey, what's up? What's up, Chris? Hey, you know what? How'd you know it was me? Because I recognize your voice. I call in that much, do I?
I'm kind of with Jay on that. The fishing thing I don't think is a good idea. Why not? God forbid, do something that she's in on. Oh, God forbid. Don't shoot the messenger. I've been fishing since I was a kid. I'm telling you, I don't think that's... I think Jay's got a better idea. Picnic at the beach, something like that. It's romantic. How do we know she's into picnics at the beach? We know she's into fishing. Well, if he's going out with Elton John, yeah. But he's going out with Perry. I think it's a little too romantic to picnic at the beach. It is. Romantic. There's all kinds of people around. You know what's great, man? Is when you get the girl where she feels like she's got hand. And that's why that's such a great idea. Don't ask me. I wouldn't know anything about... making sex to a woman, that's for sure. You guys are flip-flopping on your original advice. You're confusing men out there. Men in San Diego are just womanless right now because of you. That's fair enough. Alright, well, Eskimo Blue Waters is here. 20 minutes late. She's probably mad because we didn't let her on. Come in. Hi. Thanks for considering my submission to the dating game, Mike.
Well, what are we going to do? Nobody even answered me. That's true. What does she mean? I didn't know it was my fault. What? She submitted a picture. I didn't tell you, but she submitted her profile. What's your problem? Well, I'll tell you what the problem is. She's 34. Hey, no, I'm not. Judy, she's 30. Excuse me. I'm in my 80s. 30s. She says she's 34 years old. 80s. Ambiguous. I don't want to give it all away. Listen, you came here today and you said that you were not going to exploit. That's right. Anything, you weren't going to try to sell yourself doing some stupid... No, I'm going to turn to a more serious note, Mike. So you guys could just, Jay, hold off on the sound effects. Mike, no drum rolls. No, but you did have this music. Yes. Oh, thank you. This weekend, I'm doing an event for all of the damage and the lost lives and the injuries. And just utter devastation caused by this weekend's Labor Day storm in San Diego. All proceeds will go to benefit victims of this Labor Day storm. It wasn't a storm. It was light sprinkles. Light dusting of rain. Yeah. Barely rain. Did anyone go to the beach? Well, a lot of people did because it just barely sprinkles. Did any of you guys go? No, I didn't. I didn't. You wouldn't dare venture out there. That's true. Well, a storm is, you know, heavy rain and wind.
People are out there with their gutters filled. They don't know what to do. Potholes have been deepened. I'm sure there was tons of accidents because of it. That's completely untrue. I'd say several. There was golf rounds canceled. Surfing interrupted. Are you? Whole entire family vacations destroyed. So you're going to do a benefit for the victims of the Labor Day storm. Labor Day. It's at the ESPCA in Escondido. What is the ESPCA? I don't know exactly what it stands for. Is it like the pound? You're doing a gig at a pound, like a dog pound? There was a dog on the flyer, but I thought maybe there was just like the mascot or something for the venue. It's the pound. It's the pound. Is it a paying gig? Well, I actually don't have it secured yet. So you're going to do a benefit at the pound.
In Escondido. It's the ESPCA. I spoke with Dan. Well, I spoke with Dan's assistant. Left a message. Who's Dan? Volunteer. Well, they're all volunteers. He's the head of volunteers. Okay. And he's going to either let you play. He'll let me know. We're not a non-profit, so. Yes, as am I. As is she. None of this will go back to EskimoBlueWaters.com. All proceeds will go to the victims of this Labor Day storm. There's no storm. There's never been a... There's never been a Labor Day storm. There's never been a Labor Day storm. There's also never been a charity event for a storm. At a pound. Excuse me. Well, hurricanes, yes. Have you heard of something called Katrina? Yeah, that was a hurricane, though. That was a... Hurricane Irene. The sprinkle. A storm by any other name. Okay. It's just a storm. I gotcha. So the pound, maybe. People don't call it the pound anymore. That's not really PC. You don't say orphanage. Right. You say, what do you say? You say the ESPCA venue. ESPCA venue. And the entertainment center. Got it. So should I say what time it starts or how much it costs? Well, when you know. Yeah, when you know. Which might have made more sense for you to do it after you found it. Well, I have a PayPal account, so you can just begin donations there.
And then how will you distribute it to the victims? I'll call Dan and he'll have a list of maybe displaced pets. There you go. I can get behind that. Yes, there we go. I can't. I'm pulling at your heartstrings. Yeah, I can get behind displaced pets. I'll be playing the gig and I will be accepting donations for the victims and possibly myself. Thank you, Judy. Thanks, Judy. That's Judy Douche. Douche. Touche. Did you say touche? No, I said it. It's touche. It's French. There's an accent mark, and you always say douche. And that's not even my name anymore. My stage name is Eskimo Blue Waters. But on your actual Facebook page, your real Facebook page, there is no accent mark over the E. Well, because the accent mark is silent. Touche. Thank you, Eskimo. Touche. My bad.
Thank you, Eskimo. You can just, yeah, EBW. Thank you. We appreciate you. I'll see you guys in the staff meeting later this week. You're not, you don't work here. We got an email, or as we like to call it, an email. And I want to read it to you. And the only problem is, is that it's about that time. So here's what we're going to do. I can give you the email and you can call in and tell me what you think about it. 570. One ninety four nine is the number. Mikey met a great guy through a mutual friend. We've been out on two great dates. He's cute. He has a great personality, does really well for himself. I just have one issue with him. When I met him, he was wearing a baseball cap. He wore a baseball cap on both of our dates, too. I have a theory that a baseball cap makes a guy a lot better looking. And if a guy wears a hat all the time, he has something to hide. Like, he's losing his hair. Isn't it weird that the guy I've gone out with is always wearing a baseball cap? Should I ask him not to wear one so I can see what's going on under there? My nosy bee. What? You're a crazy one. And when Judy. Would you have a right to know what he looks like? Just be happy you got a date, Judy, alright? Oh my gosh. It's so weird that a girl would want to.
Change a guy. She doesn't want to change him. She wants to know what's under the hood. So does he. And call about this. What do you think about this? Baseball caps. Guys, you wear baseball caps? Yep. No problem with baseball caps? You hiding something, guys? Call us and tell us what it's about. The thing is, it's Hillary. Some shows for you to go check out. And it's all about Thursday night this week. Three big shows in town. Thursday, February Corporation, 21 and up, House of Blues. Telekinesis will play the Casbah for the SD Music King kickoff party. Or if you want to get really crazy...
Head to Porter's Pub for Atari Teenage Riot. Oh my gosh. Agri-Lights with Bucko 9 at the belly of Friday night. Saturday night, Bass Nectar with DJ Z Trip now at the Remack Arena. And Sunday night, an FM 94.9 about the music show with Givers. That's at the Casbah. Or go see The Kills at House of Blues. Still to come, TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys, Bush, Portugal the Man, Peter, Bjorn, and John. And about the music show at the pains of being pure at heart. Colts foster the people, city and color at House of Blues, November 8th. Black Joe Lewis, Company of Thieves, Morrissey, and a Peter Murphy show at the Belly Up. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. At Boar's Head, we work hard to make our oven-gold turkey the best it can be. It's pure turkey breast, slow-roasted the old-fashioned way. But there's a downside to such excellence. Boar's Head oven-gold is a magnet for lunch thieves. You open up the office fridge and find your oven-gold turkey sandwich has been stolen, pilfered, pinched. So what can you do?
Well, you could get a cheap turkey sandwich from a sandwich chain, something made from ground-up parts, preservatives, and fillers like seaweed extract. Nobody's going to steal that. Or you could stand by your oven gold turkey and take defensive measures, invest in a padlocked lunchbox, set up a fridge cam, or simply eat your lunch at 10 a.m. before anyone has a chance to steal it. Sure, it's a little extra effort, but a great turkey sandwich needs protecting. And oven gold is the best there is. Boar's Head, compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied. What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new instant storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account, often on the next business day. So you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow flowing. Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters.
Merchant services agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase business checking account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. J.P. Morgan, Chase Bank, and a member of DIC. Right now, get two croissantwich breakfast sandwiches with sizzling sausage, melted cheese, and fluffy egg for just $3 at Burger King. It's the kind of deal that shines brighter than a thousand suns, magnified by a telescope that hasn't even been invented yet. This two croissantwich for three bucks deal is the kind of deal that the world's cutest baby panda would stop mid-sneeze just to... marvel at the kind of deal yeah you get the idea it's a good deal the two for three dollars breakfast for sandwich deal only at burger king for a limited time price and participation may vary breakfast hours only single item at regular price tax extra what's your perfect cup of joe does it have a splash of french vanilla or is your secret high voltage java straight up hey how'd you know with countless flavor options from cappuccinos to sweeteners you can go wild and create exactly what you're secretly craving where's my At a.m. p.m., when you buy three cups, you'll get the fourth on us. It's like three. Have it all and then some. A.m. p.m., too much good stuff. At participating stores for a limited time while supplies last. See store for details. You've been a good person. Coached your daughter's soccer team. Pulled all-nighters at the office. Planted trees in the neighborhood open space. So, who exactly is going to reward all your sacrifices, hmm? Uh, that would be you.
Right now through October 31st, at the Lexus Certified Pre-Owned Season to Change Sales Event, you'll get 1.9% APR on every vehicle. And everyone undergoes a 161-point inspection, is factory-backed, and comes with a three-year, 100,000 total vehicle mile warranty, roadside assistance, and complimentary loaner car. But hurry, because you're not the only one out there who deserves a reward. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. 48 monthly payments of $21.65 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details on the unlimited number of customers who qualify. No down payment required of qualified warranty is three years from your day to purchase or 100,000 total vehicle miles for outside assistance coverage only available in continental U.S. See your certified pre-owned Lexus dealer for details. Offer ends October 31, 2011. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month, way less than those other guys, and an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zayo's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps.
So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered Zio for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers. Requires new activation. C-Store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit cricket or mycricket.com today. So smart, so cricket. The Padres' schedule is winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded pennant race coverage and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And, of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego.
The Padres are on the road, live from Arizona, 615 Thursday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m. only on Channel 4 San Diego. Shop Jared, the Galleria of Jewelry, with five times the selection of ordinary jewelers. Stop by one of the locations today. Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about Ovation Cell Therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great Ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great. I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean, person that will go unnamed. It's the advanced form.
from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who... despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back. So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount. This report brought to you by Jared the Gallery of Jewelry. Shop Jared the Gallery of Jewelry with five times the selection of ordinary jewelry stores. Find a Jared store. Shop anytime at jared.com.
Well, we do have a signal alert on the 15 southbound Mira Mesa Boulevard, an injury accident, overturned car blocking the two carpool lanes. Several cars stopped to assist. They do have emergency crews on the scene now. Five northbound Coronado Avenue, an accident. That one has the number three lane blocked. And it looks like the five northbound at the 94, an injury accident blocking the number two and the number four lane. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any true start or true to back. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See participating Toyota dealers. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I've never been so happy. Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. It bothers me that I don't know how to be. Woods. That's why I don't eat that funk cheese that you eat. I eat Kraft American singles. Lauren. My obsession with black men came from Bill Cosby. Isn't it? Yeah. And Jay. Man, if I could just be a home dad. On FM 94.9. We have a big announcement on Monday. Tomorrow we're off because we are taking Jake to Disneyland for his birthday. But back on Monday and when we come back, we will have a big announcement at 7 to make. Booyah. And so we want you to be here and hear it. Dallas Green, who is the singer for City in Color, is going to be on with us in just a bit. Which is very self-indulgent, but the bottom line...
City in Color is one of FM 94.9's recommended artists right now. That's right. So it's actually not self-indulgent. No. Well, it's not as self-indulgent, that's for sure. But a lot of people go, who's City in Color? Who's Dallas Green? Well, it's a band that I really, really like. And from the very first time I ever heard it, the music just... Felt good in my eardrums and shot right to my stomach, man. They're not a Christian band, so don't freak out and think that, you know. Do you think people would? I probably. If I say I like a band? Yeah. I like the Deftones. Fair enough. Christian band. Hardly. Yeah, in fact, not only is Sitting in Color not a Christian band, I don't recommend making a regular.
diet out of it well yeah it's like listening to the cure too much you know i start to wear mascara and stuff when i do that you can get a little bit depressed i think if you listen to too much of it in fact a lot of people uh he just came out they just came out with their he just came out with his third album it's great and uh a lot of people complained about it because it is not acoustic which is what the rest of his music is the rest of his music is acoustic This was the very first one I heard. I'd never heard it before. And this was the very first one I heard. And I said, I paused it and I went, Rebecca, come here. And she listened to it and she went, who is that? I said, they're called City in Color. Every song's like a soundtrack song. Every song's like the trailer in a movie. For sure. Your favorite song. I can't. I can't. You don't know. I got Dale Tate's my favorite. Without question. Such a good song. Yeah.
He plays an old Martin guitar that he's sort of done stuff to himself to get the sound. He's one of those guys. Eddie Van Halen did it. Where he'd take a guitar and he'd take it apart and he'd build it the way that he wanted to and that's what Dallas Green has done with this old Martin guitar. Yeah, that's the other thing. His lyrics are very honest and real and he lets you see. that he has that you're sort of like a voyeur going, wow, you felt that way. And then you go, oh, I felt that way before too, haven't I? I always, a guy that plays guitar and is a cover artist, I always wonder what it would be like that, how it felt on that day when you finished this song and you played it like in its entirety after you worked on it. You just look in the mirror and go. He seems like the kind of person that's probably still not satisfied with it.
I bet you're right. Still beating himself up. Yeah. This is a turd. Stupid. Chances I would be at a bar playing it that night trying to get a female friend. If I were single. You'd be on an elevator trying to do the same thing. That's fair enough, AJ. That's fair enough. So the new album and the new single is called Fragile Bird and he's plugged the guitar in. And it's brilliant. He's going to be playing at the House of Blues and I still don't. It's on a school night. What night? It's like a Tuesday. Is it next Tuesday? I don't know. Let's go. Let's go for an hour, please. If I go, I won't be able to stay for an hour. I know. I'll have to watch the whole thing. We'll sleep here. We'll build a fort. I just can't imagine that this band comes to town and I don't go. I know. That's how I feel about my friend Ryan Adams that's coming to town. How many times have you heard Summer of 69 and it cuts like a knife? That's a J bit. That's a J joke. You got that from the J school of jokes. It's true. Hey, listen. We got him on the line? No, we got all the people about the email. Don't get so excited, Mike.
Gosh. Your buddy. Your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. You ever just take a .30-06 to a big hot air balloon? A real big one. Okay. So they're calling about this woman that wrote us and said that she's dating a guy with a baseball cap and she thinks that he's got something to hide. Is he balding? M1 Riches from Sorrento Valley. Good morning. Good morning. that she just needs to look at him and say, oh my goodness, I absolutely love your hat. I've got to try it on. Please let me try on your hat. And, you know, just playfully, you know, grab it from him and put it on and turn around and say, oh, don't look cute in the hat, but don't look surprised. Isn't that going to deflate him? Yes. The girl that grabs the hat off the guy to just wear it around bothers me. I know it bugs, but... If she really, truly wants to find out. Maybe just ask him. That's the deal. Why do you got to trick him? Because what if he's hiding beautiful locks? Oh, gosh. I'll tell you what. Like that. When I was 19 years old, I was dating a 27-year-old pizza cook. I shoot for the stars. I was a waitress. He was a pizza cook. And I was like, all the way in. I felt like he was a bad boy. He had tats and everything like that. Always wore a hat.
Which I was like, oh, it's just an on-the-job kind of thing, you know. Later that night, one of our first dates. Not so good without the hat. Plugs. Really a lot of bad stuff happening. Horseshoe. Uh-huh, that. Really odd-shaped head. He had a horseshoe? Yeah. Oh, no. Well, not a full-on one. There was still some. Very strange things happening. Totally different look. Took his hat off. James Taylor was underneath it. Yeah. So this is your first date. And you're at his home? Jay? Tell him more. Say what you're saying is you're like a prostitute. Yeah, you're a whore. Did you get your pizza for free? I always got my pizza for free. Couldn't go without that pepperoni, could you? Big salami. Extra sausage on it? I bet you did. Dirty birdie. Is that where the phrase hoagie comes from?
Let's see. M1 Sean from San Diego. Hello? Yeah, go ahead. Hey, guys. How are you this morning? Good. I've had this happen to me, too. I wear a bald cap all the time. But the question is, the chick just needs to muscle up and say, hey, take off your hair. Let me see your hair. Yeah. Why not? Make it plain and simple. Why are they making it into such a hard thing? She's not going to date the guy if he's balding anyway, probably. Well, she might. Well, unless you're Jay. But, you know. I mean. Try Ovation. Some chick just took my hat off. Oh, me too. You don't snatch a hat off my head. You don't take a hat off a guy's head. Ovation is not proven to work for hair regrowth. You'll draw back a stump if you do that to me, okay? Yeah. Don't take a guy's hat off. I say wait a little bit before you say, let me see if he's been, like, if it's been months. I got it. What, Woods? Try to make sex to him and see what he does. And sleep next to him because he can't sleep with his hat on. And he's not going to make sex with a ball cap on. I'll tell you that. He might. Turn around backwards. Yeah, what if that's his deal? What if he... It's like Costanza not wanting to take the Timberlands off. That is true because he would look taller. Turns around. He turns around, Mike. Sometimes to the side if you get it. I'm not talking about the hat. I can get it. I can teach you, Mike. Seven grand.
Seven grand in ten minutes for my course. You can be loved and hilarious. Yep. You can't do anything about your weight or your looks. You can be loved and hilarious like me. Yeah, I got a flyer I send out to people that says, you want to have your own fan page, just have people gush all over it. You want to be able to love on yourself, if you know what I mean, wink, wink. You know what's weird, Mike? What? It's called the Mikey Show fan page, but more fans for me. Jay. Sure, a whole lot more comments, texts, emails, calls. Pictures, smoke signals. They love me, Mike. Sorry, you guys. Hey, Mike, bet my crew wouldn't have walked out on me. They'd have walked through fire for me. Yeah, Mike, they'd have walked through fire for me, unlike old Eddie. Wait to get you out the door, get it. Only reason you're sitting there is because poison wasn't available.
Every best friend I ever had is still my best friend. Yeah, Mike. Know what that's like? Nope. Sure don't. Bet you don't, huh, Mike? Then he turns to the camera. See? You can tell Joe's just like this. As you sit there dabbing your eyes. Gosh. Cut. Thanks, man. Cuts me deep. Real good. Let's see. Dallas Green coming on. And you can get him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get nervous, man. You're nervous. You're so nervous right now. Just relax. It's going to be okay. He's just a human like that. He's a human being. I'm going to do this to both of you. When you have somebody on that you really like. You do it all the time anyway to me. Like? Cam Newton. Cam Newton. Chino Marino for me. I wouldn't. And we've never had Chino Marino. Thanks. What do you mean? I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that. Why? Because I want you to enjoy having a conversation. He's saying he wouldn't need it. Oh, I thought you were saying I wouldn't have him on. Oh, no. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't make you. You would. No. We did do that with Trevor Hoffman. Yep. You did it with. Heath Bell. Blue Bush. With just any sports guy. Heath Bell made fun of me for that. Mike Sweeney made fun of me for that. But remember, though.
We were at a child that had cancer in their room. Right. When you asked Mike Sweeney. Right. If he was on your adult baseball league. That's true. Context is everything here. It's true. And he said, no, but I do play baseball. And you said, which team? And he said, the Philadelphia Phillies. Maybe you've heard of them. And Woods, you don't get Woods blush from there. You don't. But he turned bright red. Crimson, if you will. Much like the color of the Philadelphia Phillies hat. He said to Mike Sweeney, do you play in the SDBL or what is it? The SDABL. And he goes, no, what is that? San Diego Adult Baseball League? And he meant it.
That was the freaking beauty of it. He meant it. Did you think he was the shortstop from the Flaming Pigs or something? He thought he played for the El Cajon Eagles. He may one day. If you're listening, Mike, and you are bored, we could use an extra stick. I got your number. I'll shoot you a test. No, I do play for the Philadelphia Phillies. He's probably looking... Much like me, when I quit after high school, I played major league baseball. Baseball is baseball. He's probably watching his team go through the pennant race right now. Right. Enjoying that he was a part of such a great organization. Right. And they paid him to play it. Well, I don't. He's sitting very comfortably right now. I get paid to play, too. You don't receive money. Right. I don't have to spend money, though. So it's kind of like getting. You get to play for free.
Yeah. Well, yes. If you don't write a $200 check, then you have $200. That is true. You have $200 extra. That is true. Kind of like you get paid. Dallas Green. Hello. How are you? I'm fantastic. You are going to be playing at the House of Blues here in San Diego on Tuesday, November the 8th. And it's a school night for us. Yeah. School night in Canada, too. Yeah, that's right. We can't do anything as a radio program. We can't do anything from Sunday nights all the way to Friday nights because we get up so early the next day. However, I don't know how I'm not going to go to this show. We're going. I know. We're going. We are going. Period. Yeah, well, I'm going to come and get you anyway. Yeah. I'm going. I'm going. I've just decided I'm going. We're going. We'll be here the next day. We're going. Yeah, we're going. Dallas is...
He has a band, City in Color. And I was introduced to this band a few years back. And we were just talking about how you play a Martin. And have you kind of messed around with that Martin a little bit and made it to your liking? Well, you know what? It's so old. It's one of those really old guitars that as soon as I got it, it just seemed like it was ready to be mine. You know what I mean? It's a 1944 Martin. Wow. My late friend Dan Aiken, he was a guitar connoisseur and collector, and he found it for me, and it just seemed like it was ready to be mine and ready to have my stories be told on it.
Mission accomplished. Yeah, mission accomplished. Here's the thing that I instantly fell in love with your music. A, we were just talking about this, is how honest you are lyrically. I assume that these are your stories, and they're very honest. Yeah, that's always been kind of my approach to songwriting. And in addition to them being very honest, they also have... They also have a feeling to them that you're just not able to describe. You either speak that musical language or you don't. And the first time I heard it, it was just so beautiful and so moving. And I always say I love music that sounds like it can be used in a movie and a soundtrack. And all of your songs sort of have a soundtrack feel to them. And for me. They're the soundtrack of my life. That period of my life, that's what I was listening to. I recently took a trip for the first time on a train and listened to your new album, Little Hell, and really loved it, man. Just really loved it. And this is a different album for you because it's plugged in, a lot of it. Yeah, I mean, I guess because it's my third record and I actually had a lot more time to just flesh out the songs in between tours with my other bands.
I think I just reached this point where I didn't want to just like sort of suppress certain ideas because some people had an idea of what they thought a City in Color song should sound like, you know, because a lot of people just assume that it should be me and an acoustic guitar and that's it. But I had all these ideas coming to life in my head and I just thought, you know what, who cares? You know, if this song needs to be plugged in and have a full band and rockin', then I'm going to do it because... To me, City in Color should be anything I want it to sound like. And that's sort of why I started doing it in the first place and come to expect that from me at this point. We're talking to Dallas Green, whose band City in Color is going to be here in San Diego in November at the House of Blues. On November 8th, it's a Tuesday night. And even though it's a Tuesday night, I'm going. We're going. Now, here's the thing. The songs that you write about, many of the songs... At least, you know, they all mean something different to somebody. They're your songs. But when I listen to them, I imagine that in many of them, you're singing about a particular person. Is that accurate? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, Oh, Sister is a very blatant one. I mean, that song is about my sister, you know. A few years back, she was kind of some things like depression, pretty heavy in her mind. And she's my older sister, my only older sister.
older sister and always my and uh and being away on tour so much i wasn't i wasn't there contribute to the to the healing process for her and so whenever something like that happens to me i i the way i deal with it is by writing about it so i wrote that song not only to help myself come through does a song like that come pouring out or do you does it take a period of time for you to write it well it depends right i mean the idea i guess the basic idea comes pouring out but i but i also I have to be careful. I want to write this song for my sister, but I also want to try and write it in a relatable enough way that someone like myself can listen and be affected by it, not knowing me or knowing my sister. But I feel like I write, for instance, that song. I feel like I wrote it in a relatable enough way that anyone can listen to it and relate it to a problem that they've had with someone in their life because I feel like everyone has gone through something with somebody they love, whether it be a friend, a colleague.
and an aunt and uncle or whatever, you know. When you play some of your, you know, because like you said, he's got three albums. Yeah. And when you play, Woods says his favorite song is Day Old Hate, and I love that song as well. Sure. And when you play a song like that on stage, let's say that that song was about a particular person. Do you have to go through the process of getting sad 324 shows in a row? Well, you know what? Sometimes, yeah, you have to sort of, you don't, I mean, actually, sometimes you don't think that the emotions are going to sort of, you know, come out of you. But once you start playing those notes and start singing those words that meant so much to you when you wrote them, I mean, especially because of the way I write songs, like they're very popular, have you? So occasionally, sort of memories will come, it gets kind of heavy at times, but not all the time. But I, you know, but I put the same amount of, of energy and emotion into it every time, every song I sing, and, you know, every night, so. Hey, Dallas, thank you for coming on again. They're going to be, City of Color is going to be in San Diego at the House of Blues Tuesday, November 8th, and we'll be there, and I don't know if you can, and if you can't, that's okay, but one of the things that we're working on is that maybe
If you do get in early, we can bring you in the studio because we have a studio set up here that's our own studio. And we have the ability for people to play here. Oh, awesome. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Denny's on me if you make it. I will get you all the Denny's that you want. Denny's on Woods. And I will keep the boys from kissing you. She's going to have to try real hard, though. If you can get me a Moon's Over My Hammy. Done. Done. Done and done. Done and done. That's a lofty request. Dallas, thank you, man. You know what I'll tell you is really cool is that I admire the music so much. It's really great to talk to you and you sound like such a cool guy. And I'm sure that you know growing up when you liked a band and if you ever got the chance to meet them, you always wanted the people that you admired to be nice. And so it was really cool to talk to you. Oh, well, thank you very much. I appreciate it. And hopefully we'll see you. Not only at the show, but in the studio, too. Absolutely, man. Thank you, Dallas. We appreciate it. Talk to you later. Thanks. He said it, and I'm going to play it for you. I know we're late, Jay. I know. Can we hug him? Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll make you a compromise, Jay. Let's do this. We'll take the break. When we come back, I'm going to play that song that he wrote. For his sister. It's incredible.
We have a choice. We can either play the live version or the recorded version because both are on the CD and we'll let M1s tell us. 570-184-9. Excuse me for all the self-indulgence, but this band to me is a big deal. I really like City in Color. And please know, again, moderation. Don't have a big diet of City in Color or you'll want to slit your wrists. Woods is right when he makes the Cure analogy. You know what I mean? But anyway, we'll do that. We'll come back. We'll play it. I always have to look my six. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. FM 94. Some call it the Von Circular. Others call it the Von Weekly Ad. No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only. We're making it easy to stock up for the weekend. Also, check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Lucerne Yogurt is $10 for only $5. 6-ounce sizes, selected varieties. Tropicana Pure Premium or Trop 50 juices are $3.49 each. 59-ounce sizes, selected varieties.
It's easy to stay healthy this flu season when you get a flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. Let's face it, you know you want some Denny's. Listen, Dallas Green is a Denny's fan, okay? He's going to come into the studio. I'm going to buy the guy who moons over my hammy, hopefully. But what we're talking about now is Denny's Let's Get Cheesy menu, much like my intro to this commercial. Pretty cheesy. I get it. But I got to tell you, it's so good. It's available all day, every day for a limited time only. Dishes starting from $4.99. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert. Fried cheese melt. They've got all kinds of stuff. The Big Daddy patty melt. Okay, it's topped with new creamy mac and cheese right on the patty melt. It's going to be so good. They're bringing in food for us on Monday, people, to feast on. Mike and I actually just feasted on the new, the cheesy breakfast sampler. It had cheddar smoked sausage, two eggs scrambled with cheddar cheese, hash browns, topped with melted shredded cheese. I'm stuffed.
It was delicious, okay? Get to Denny's right now to try the new Let's Get Cheesy menu. You can be like me, be like Mikey, and our friend, our good friend. Actually, one would say our best friend, Dallas Green, city in color. He's one of our best friends. He likes Denny's. So what else do you need to know? Get to Denny's today. Live from Progressive. Flo here. With more discounts than ever before, Progressive can save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Savings. You can get bigger savings than that. Savings. That's close, but you can really save a lot of money. You're going to get some savings. That's better. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Let's take another call. Hey, Flo. Ever wonder if you offer too many discounts? Whatever. Homeowner, safe driver, snapshot, pay in full. Right now, we offer more discounts than ever. Doesn't that seem a bit excessive? Wait. Is this Bill and Tom from another insurance company? Uh... Hang up. Hang up. Busted. Getting you all the discounts you deserve. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. You ready? Tomorrow.
Find out why critics are calling warrior phenomenal. Riveting. I got a family to protect. Everything I do is for that. Incredible. You saved my life. I'm proud of you, Tom. Astonishing. This is impossible. And see why Rolling Stone calls it fiercely moving. They pulled off a miracle. Warrior. P.G. 13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. in theaters everywhere tomorrow. September still means summer in Southern California. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties, and nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot, or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita. An experience that tastes so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2011. Imported and bottled by Dubline. Norwalk, Connecticut. Under license from the trademark of Jose Cuervo. So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, we've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the My54510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad.
But in my head, I'm thinking... Is it the 10? The 5? Touchdown! And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going... They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4GLTE. Mary lost her mastiff name, Marbles. She also lost her keys. And where was the leash? Thankfully, one thing wasn't missing. The ink. With HP Multipack, she printed oodles of missing posters for all her missing things. But then she found Marbles with her keys and his leash. She didn't need all that HP ink after all. But she was happy she had it because you just never know when you'll lose your marbles. Print more and save up to 10% with everyday pricing with HP Multipacks, founded a retailer near you. HP. Hit print. Compared to single standard HP ink cartridges based on average retail pricing. And the winner of the 33rd annual pumpkin weigh-off is Everett. A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing. Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything.
Frank's Red Hot Sauce goes on anything. It's aged cayenne peppers that add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I put that s*** on everything. Go to Jack in the Box and try Jack's new jumbo breakfast platter. Eight mini pancakes, scrambled eggs, hash brown sticks, and bacon or sausage, all for $2.99 plus tax at participating restaurants. On the 15 southbound Mira Mesa Boulevard, an injury accident. It's an overturned car blocking the two carpool lanes. This is a sig alert. Several cars stopped to help this vehicle out. Emergency crews already on the scene. Five southbound Via De La Valle, an injury accident. They've got the middle lanes blocked. And in Escondido on the 15 southbound 9th Avenue, an accident tying things up. This report brought to you by Burger King. Burger King tried delicious croissant, which paired with Seattle's best coffee. Enjoy a flaky croissant, perfectly cooked eggs.
and cheese, and your choice of sausage, bacon, or ham at participating restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's called Mikey Show Live. We got a live studio audience in the studio with us. Better make some noise next time, all right? If you would like to be a member of our live studio audience, you can do that. All you need to do is go to MikeyShow.com, sign up. So we talked to Dallas Green, lead singer of a band called City and Color. And my wife just wrote me an email and said, can we please, and she used the word please like a hundred times. Can we please go? Yes. So I'm going to go. Double date bit.
Yeah. All right. Then I go. I never do that. I never do that. I don't go out on school nights. You'll be fine. Treat yourself. A man's got to treat himself every now and then. And go to concerts during the week. 100%. So I said that we would play. This is a song from his new album. And it's called Oh Sister. He wrote it about his sister. Sweet honey in my ears. That's good. That's a song he was talking about that he wrote for his sister. And the new album's called Little Hell. It's real good, man. Like every song on there I think is really, really good. Strong. Quite strong. And it's one of those deals where I'm glad because I know the songs. A lot of times I'll go to a concert and I don't know a lot of songs. And it's good that he's only got three albums because I know them all. I told you that I was going to tell you about this.
Moms spend parenting as compared to dads. Dads are crap dads. Oh, no. If Jay even tries. Oh, he will. If Jay even tries. Trust me, Jay. You're a dad. Yeah. All right. You fall into the category of dad. It's not true because my schedule is different than everybody else's. Oh, boy. Most good dads make time. Yeah. I don't go to bed at six. Oh, wow. Hey, listen, Mike. I stay up till 10. Darn. So I can play with Jasper. He goes to bed the same time I do. 8.30. Yeah, like a man. Like an adult. Not a little bee. Yeah. Isn't that right, crap dad? We skate. We play video games. We're men. Yeah, dad and child stuff. You wouldn't know anything about it. Never mind. I'll tell Rebecca. According to a new study, mothers spend an average of 1,000. 168 more hours parenting per year than fathers. The average mother spends seven and a half hours a day on parenting tasks. The average father, 4.3. I need a calculator. That 3.2 hour difference calculates to 1,168 hours a year.
Or 49 days. Yeah, that's what I was going to do. 49 days. Wow. Happy birthday, moms. Survey also said that 70% of working moms say they have less than an hour to themselves a day. Wow. My head hurts. And 20% say that they have less than 15 minutes. Well, you're not going to have to. Don't worry about it for a while. It's going to be a while. Well, me too, LB. I'm in the same boat. I don't have kids. Something out of wedlock, obviously, would be out of wedlock. But if I was planning something, it would mean... Well, we're both in the same boat. We'll see. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I could be sterile already. Well, I don't have another $19,000 to flush down the drain to go... I mean, I wish I did, because then I'd just buy kids, but I don't have $19,000. It's a great study, though, for Mike and Jay. Yeah, yeah, happy birthday, guys. They can compare notes with their wives. Right. What do you guys have combined? What, seven kids? That's cool. It's just a story. We'll just go home and talk about Woods' dogs and my empty apartment. She has an empty apartment. I get cats. Maybe a barren womb someday. Or right now. Or right now. You never know. It's just a story. I'll just freeze an egg. You just never know. You should. You should. Yeah, I know. I really should. This one applies to our friend Rhonda as well.
80% of adults say that they talk dirty during relations. Relations? I took it back. Like my man. During relations? Yes. And that includes 12% who talk dirty every single time. She's just making me haunted. By the way, I said every single time and Rhonda went. Yeah. I just thought about all Americans saying dirty things. Wow. Well, yeah, I guess what that proves is that a lot of us adults have filthy mouths. Mm-hmm. Filthy minds. Thank goodness. Better in the bedroom than in the streets. That is true. That is true. Lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed, as they say. Do they say that? They say that. Yeah. Lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets, I think it is. No, no, no. Well, that would rhyme, so... But it's from a rap song. She says freak in the bed. I think it's Usher, maybe, or something. Or Lil Jon. Lil Wayne, maybe. Crazy in the head. Crazy at the house. Ludacris says it. That's who it is. Weird. Our Hungarian nanny, Nita, may find this next story interesting. They are offering red lingerie. That wasn't me. Hey, God. It sounded just like you. That wasn't me. Oh, God. What'd you say, Mike?
Welcome to Jay's School of Settlety. Red lingerie. Out of himself for the overlapping drops. Took me six weeks, but I got it. In Hungary, people don't like to take a census. When they knock on the door, the Hungarians don't like to open the door and take a census. Do not get this door. Do not open this. This is not something that we wanted. Don't open it. I don't not home. Hi. Under the windows. No one is here. This is empty. So what they did in Hungary was they produced a provocative video advertisement to encourage people to fill out the census. So what it is... It's a provocative video. Topless young woman. And she's wearing red underwear, lacy black stockings, holding a whip, opens the door. There's a census taker there.
And then realizes that he's arrived at an inappropriate moment and offers the option of completing the census online. So more than 37,000 census takers are going to be trying to do this. Trying to do this next month. This is disgusting behavior. This whistle sound and other. The sound of a diving board for no reason at all. Than a thinner diving board. Yes. And a big spring of some sort. What does diving board have to do with sexuality? Why is a ruler being flipped on a desk? Yes, what does ruler being flipped on a desk have to do with sex? Or a spring breaking on mattress?
What does this mean? How does this make sense, though? How is this sexy? Honey, there is horse at door. I should be afraid. How does horse take senses? This does not make sense. It's not funny. It does not make sense. Don't understand. Jay prints out texts. Once a quarter. Right. So we will get four texts printed from Jay a year. This one says, Mikey, Jay is brilliant. Exclamation point. He is in my book of unicorns. Exclamation point.
It's a bit we did yesterday. Did you save that from yesterday? Yes, you did. I didn't want you to miss it, Matt. There's so many coming through. I didn't want you to miss the important ones. His imitation of Mikey is one of the funniest things I've ever heard! Love you, Jay! M1AM. And then another one. He made sure to copy and paste another text that says, There is no Mikey show without Jay. And that's M17. And then at grace and peace to you, it says. It sounds like a threat from Jay. M17 is actually J.R. Isbell. It's a J turned upside down. Welcome to the J school of telling jokes and subtleties. Today we deal with matters having to do with race. Instead of saying. How many Mexicans can you fit in an apartment? Just go, gosh, darn, Mackie. You're a wetback. Wow. I mean, Jay. Jay's a racist. That was bad. Really, really bad. Tomorrow we will deal with weight. Oh, my. Dear iPod. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Dear iPod Diary. I'm typing on my iPod. And he had a southern accent. Hey, dear iPod that I can now type into. Because now they make iPods with a keyboard on them. And suddenly I've become southern. I have finally given up. I'm going to ride a scooter for the rest of my life. L.O.B. told me today her eggs are drying up. I believe it. Oh, my God. Her butt has gotten really big. Oh, my God. Jay. Even Chris threw his hands in the air. Even Chris threw his hands in the air. Like, oh, my God. This is supposed to be about Mikey. Liz is really gaining some weight. Oh, my God. His chins are lapping over his belly button. He's lost it. And why wouldn't Mikey be saying that about me? I've got to find a way to help them both. Dear diary, Woods did not adopt that baby after all. Do you get it? Oh my goodness. Oh, Jay. My head almost exploded. I almost had a stroke. I laughed so hard today that my head actually hurts and I need aspirin. Me too. Apparently you're still talking. Your diary's still going. Yeah, my diary's still going, Jay.
He's had it. He's lost it. So a guy in Utah, he saw a cow wandering by, shot it, and decided, I'm going to start making steaks in my driveway. So there he is. He's making steaks. He's like carving out steaks. Well, the neighbors freak out because he's butchering a freaking cow in his driveway. So they call the cops. Well, there's no law against butchering a cow, but you can't discharge a firearm in the neighborhood. So he got in trouble for that disorderly conduct, and it's also against health codes to butcher an animal in your driveway. Well, did you just shoot a roaming cow? Yeah, I guess. He was like, free steaks. Makes a lot of sense. Yes, it does. Can you see Jaden? Oh, yeah. Just gutting fish he stole. Yes. That's stolen if you find it. I found it at Vaughn's. Okay, let's see. If you don't consider yourself a morning person. I do consider myself a morning person. I'm more alert in the morning. But if you're the type of person that has a hard time with the mornings, there are a couple of things that you can do to get there and to train yourself. Cocaine. Well, that could be one. I wouldn't recommend it, but it could be one. We will tell you what they are. Make some noise. Got something worth adding to the monkey show? Text them.
949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in a minute on FM 94.9. I got to tell you about AT&T. They got something called the GoPhone Unlimited. It's got unlimited talk, text, and web for 50 bucks a month, which is a great price. You also get the nationwide network. And it all comes to you without an annual contract. No credit check involved with it either. Plus you get a great phone. It's the Pantec P7040P. And it's great. So if you love to text, if you love to instant message with your friends, you can get the GoPhone plan and it will work out really good for you. It's a great phone. It's a great deal. And again, unlimited talk, text, and the web for just 50 bucks a month. Now think about it. If you're the type of person that knows exactly what you want, you know you're going to text, you know you're going to talk to relatives or things like that, you know there's certain things that you're going to do with the phone, this could be perfect for you. 50 bucks a month, no questions asked. 1-800-GO-PHONE or go to att.com slash gophone. Eligible device and minimum account balance required. Data package required for smartphones. Coverage not available everywhere. Other restrictions and conditions apply. See store for details.
Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about Ovation Cell Therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great Ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great. I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean, person that will go unnamed. It's the Advanced Formula from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who... despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back. So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount.
Some call it the Vons Circular. Others call it the Vons Weekly Ad. No matter what way you call it, it's your ticket to huge savings. This week, you'll find out about our huge weekend sale with amazing deals that are good this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only. We're making it easy to stock up for the weekend. Also, check out these terrific Vons Club specials that are good all week long. Lucerne Yogurt is $10 for only $5. Six-ounce sizes, selected varieties. Tropicana Pure Premium or Trop 50 juices are $3.49 each, 59-ounce sizes, selected varieties. It's easy to stay healthy this flu season when you get a flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. Don't miss the huge weekend sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. Look for the pullout in this week's Vons ad and get a jump on your weekend planning. Vons, ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. Are you getting harassing phone calls from creditors? Are you being sued or garnished, losing sleep over your bills? You'd like to repay your debt, but if you can't, there's no need to suffer. A bankruptcy filing can let you move on with your life.
It allows you to better provide for yourself and your family. The Law Office of Ossoff Abrams files voluntary Chapter 7 and 13 petitions in federal court. This eliminates debt to give you newfound freedom. They're a family-run law office with personal attention and superior client service. Call for a free attorney consultation. 858-344-0500. Affordable payment plans available. With a real estate bust, many people have second mortgages that are completely unsecured. If you're upside down on your first mortgage, you can eliminate your entire second mortgage in Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Call to schedule your free consultation, 858-344-0500, 858-344-0500, or on the web at www.bankonitsd.com. That's bankonitsandiego.com. The Law Office of Assoff Abrams is a federally designated debt relief agency and responsible for this ad. Not all results apply to all people. The Padres' schedule is winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded pennant race coverage and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And, of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego as the Padres are on the road live from Arizona.
615 Thursday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m. only on Channel 4 San Diego. Hey there, Padres fans. This is Tim Foreman from Switchfoot. Come see us play here in our hometown of San Diego at Petco Park following the Padres game Sunday, September 18th. Catch your Padres as they take on the Arizona Diamondbacks Sunday, September 18th at 105. And stay for a post-game concert featuring San Diego's own Switchfoot. The concert is free after the game with a paid ticket. Don't wait. Get your tickets today at Padres.com slash Switchfoot. Healthy living. It's something we all care about, and it's even more important to us as we raise our families. The National Children's Study aims to expand what doctors know about children's health and development, which could benefit our children's children. It will look at many aspects of children's lives from before their birth until they are 21 years old.
such as family history and where they live, learn, and play. The National Children's Study is now enrolling families in San Diego County. For more information, visit sandiego.nationalchildrenstudy.gov. Tell me, what did the world look like to you when you first opened your eyes? Mikey Show. Mikey. The reason I've never been comfortable around kids, I'm always petrified they're going to go, you're short and fat. You don't skimp on hair products. You don't skimp on haircuts. You don't skimp on DJs. Design her jeans and you don't skip on your teeth. Lauren. Yep, I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. I sing it at home all the time. She's easy on the ice. He stands in front of the mirror with the tuck back. True statement. Kimono robe open. No, just nothing. Hairy chest, kimono robe. You guys just going to talk over the whole song? You just going to talk over it? He's trying to listen to Teenage Dream. We can.
teenage dream. The shoe fits, I guess. Yeah. And by the way, if anybody wants to go to prom and they just can't find anybody, just saying. Just saying. Available for homecoming, prom, for much everything. Hey, listen, man. It's like the hell. It's out there taking grenades for the shots. That's right. Just here for the fans, mainly the teenage girls. Yeah. Hey, I can't help it. Sienna's sister is a knockout. Now, she's also a personal friend. And that means that she's a friend, all right? She's been in my home before. She's been in my home, all right? Against her own will. Yeah. That's called kidnapping. Now, her parents didn't press charges or anything, but... Thank God, because I know that. Woods doesn't have a basement or else she would still be down there. Yeah. Or a whale. What's a whale? The whatsa kills me. It kills me. What's golf? We're going to go for a round of golf.
What's goth? It's the best. I'll wake up sometimes, and I'll think about one, and I'll just start laughing. That's a good bit. Big announcement on Monday. Make sure you're here, 7 o'clock. We're going to make a big announcement. People are asking on the Facebook page, can we have a hint? Feast. Let's see. So, if you would like to be a better early person, if you'd like to be able to wake up earlier, and be more of a morning person. Don't stay up past your bedtime. It's me. Hello, B. Hello, B. Jay, I don't know. He don't care. Does he have a bedtime? You're not going to tell him. He's allowed to do whatever he wants. Yeah, Jay gets to do whatever he wants. Because he's been in radio. Yeah. We're the new kids. Fake bed. On the block. So stupid. Getting babysat. He's very alert. So are we. Are you? Yes. We don't whistle while we work. I'm the first MFer here, dude.
I'm the first dude in the door. Most days. You're going to be tired in the morning, but it says if you don't get enough sleep, it's very difficult. I will tell you this. I take it very seriously. I go to bed at 6. First of all, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Okay, you're right because I get up at 1.15, which is ridiculous. And I recognize that it is. Now, last night I got up at 12.30. Last night you got up at 12.30. I was up last night at 10 o'clock because it was so hot I couldn't sleep. And that's with a half an ambient. I was like, I can't sleep. You were awake from 10 last night till today? No, no, no. I fell asleep at about 10.30. What time did you wake up? I woke up at 3.30. Yeah. How long a nap did you take yesterday? About an hour. And I did. I took one. About an hour. Too long. I grabbed an hour. I grabbed an hour. I needed it. Yeah, you know what? You should try surfing and skating. Yeah. I'm going surfing today, so suck it. It says let more sunlight into your bedroom. No. A lot of people sleep with their window blinds down to keep their room dark. But when your room is pitch black, your body thinks it's the middle of the night. It doesn't matter for us because we wake up. In the middle of the night. In the middle of the night. Right. I'll tell you what. If I could somehow make that room completely dark at 6 o'clock at night, it would be really great. Coffin. Get a coffin. Well, you're supposed to go to bed after the sun goes down by design.
You're doing it wrong. I just imagined how great an oxygenated coffin would be. It would be the best thing ever. Cold, dark, and just... But with room. But with a little bit of... Like a big box. It would have to be a big box. Lined with satin. Maybe a little TV, a little flat screen down at the bottom. You guys would spend your days and nights. 100%. Just nude lap tapping in your coffin. Oh, that's wonderful. I'd be nude, but I wouldn't be lap tapping. If you know what I mean. You don't. I don't. It's a coffin, you creep. You can't invite teenage girls into your coffin. You guys aren't into that? Yeah, you guys don't want to make love in a coffin? Yeah, with teenage girls. I don't make love to teenage girls. I did when I was a teenager. In my early 20s. One time. That we know of. The other thing they say is...
Get some early exercise, which I'm glad I finally got, you know. The reason I have gained weight. No morning exercise anymore. You can exercise right after the show. I do. It doesn't have the same effect. You know. Maybe that burrito you eat every day doesn't. The one you split with me, Jay. No one is safe. Holy S. No one is safe. Imagine being his kid. Like once. And you were. Picture this, Woods. Picture this. He's taking notes. Picture this. You're his kid. Right. It's. The middle of the day. Other kids are out in the street. Right. You're, you've got a burrito on your chest and you're watching TV. Dr. Pepper. And a Dr. Pepper. Can you imagine, Dad? The look. We don't let you have TV during the day, during the week. Jay's the one that drinks, he's the only one on the show that drinks soda. I drink one a day. I don't either. I haven't had a Coke or soda. I have one a day. Hey, cinnamon roll.
Used to. Easy cinnamon roll. Easy cinnamon roll. I actually work it off, man. I ain't buying no scooter at Disneyland. I swam for an hour yesterday with Jasper in the search. Does he ever... Oh, he wants me to read his recap. Read it. No, no. Read it. You're fine. You're fine. Read it. Let's hear it. Let's hear this. He's such a D today. Gosh. What do you mean today? Felt like Woods and Mikey yesterday. Dynamic. Took my nap. Lazy. Took my first nap in a long time. Since 78. I have to admit, it felt like such a waste of a beautiful day. Can you freaking? Oh, my God. It was only 30 minutes, but I felt so out of it when I woke up. Where am I? We're at Kiev. We're at Kiev. I've done this for so long. Am I still in Houston? Help me. Help me.
I'm just a caveman. I don't know anything about this crazy nap. Oh, no. Where am I? I'm all disoriented. I'm all disoriented. Can you believe this guy? Oh, it gets better. I want a hidden camera on him. But I got up in time to pick up Jasper from school and take him surfing. The water felt great. Exhilarating. Refreshing. He should get in trouble for having the same recap every day. I have to change mine. He should have to change his. Can you imagine that SOB waking up and he's like, wow, this is so different for me. Is it midnight? Is it dinner time? Yeah, I mean, am I late? Is it Saturday? I feel like Ray Charles right now. Where's my dark glasses? Am I still at Rock 105? Isabel Productions? Kim, did you buy the company? Call of Duty. Jasper graduated high school. Where's Adam? Maddie's pregnant. I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I missed my gaming appointment. Adam, are you alright? Adam, Adam. Shoot, that's a banana. That's funny. You're funny.
He's funny. Holy cow. Holy cow. I'm sorry. I mean, how often? Oh, man. Nobody thinks that's funny. What else did he do, Mike? That's it. Dude, that's it. Felt like Woods and Mikey yesterday. I took my first nap in a long time. Felt like such a waste of a beautiful day. 30 minute nap. It was only 30 minutes, but I felt so out of it when I woke up. Got up in time to pick up Jasper from school and take him surfing. The water felt great. Sure did. Oh, my God. Unbelievable. Here's Woods' recap. Went home from work and took the sweetest nap you've ever seen. See? I looked like two gerbils making love in a sweat sock. Didn't do much else. Played about four hours of PS3. Pretty lame. He was sweating. So he says he looked like two gerbils making love in a sweat sock. Oh, Woods. She didn't get it. I think she did. You don't have to do it again. It didn't help. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. This is a very lazy day for me. Yeah. I'm entitled once in a while. Every day. Once in a while is okay. Every once in a while. You know, yesterday, Rebecca had to take...
I already told him, and it's passed. You did? It's like probably two minutes passed. No, he did. Here it is. He did. He did. He did. Boom. Take that, Matt. Take that, crap host. There's one. Crap host. Take that, crap host. Oh, boy. I will tell you this story. Also, I've got to tell you about the woman that was accused of peeing in public that says it wasn't true. And wait until you hear what she says she was doing. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. We'll be back. So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, we've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi enabled devices. So I say,
Smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking, is it the 10, the 5, touchdown! And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today. VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com slash 4G LTE. This is the sound of Jim creating an online store for his business. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Access denied. What is this? This is David building his online store with Chase's new Instant Storefront. And move that over there. Jim. Oh, what did I just do? David. That was easy. Introducing Instant Storefront, an all-new e-commerce solution that gives small business owners everything they need to sell products online. And best of all, customer payments can be deposited into your Chase business checking account, often on the next business day.
so you can reach more customers and keep your cash flow flowing. Act now and try Instant Storefront free for three months. Visit chase.com slash storefront to get started. Instant Storefront. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Merchant services agreement with Chase Payment Tech and Chase business checking account required and subject to approval. Restrictions apply. Offer expires September 30th, 2011 and applies to kiosk package only. See chase.com slash storefront for complete details. J.P. Morgan, Chase Bank, any member of TIC. At Boar's Head, we work hard to make our oven gold turkey the best it can be. It's pure turkey breast, slow roasted the old-fashioned way. But there's a downside to such excellence. Boar's Head Oven Gold is a magnet for lunch thieves. You open up the office fridge and find your oven gold turkey sandwich has been stolen, pilfered, pinched. So what can you do? Well, you could get a cheap turkey sandwich from a sandwich chain, something made from ground-up parts, preservatives, and fillers like seaweed extract. Nobody's going to steal that. Or you could stand by your oven gold turkey and take defensive measures.
Invest in a padlocked lunchbox, set up a fridge cam, or simply eat your lunch at 10 a.m. before anyone has a chance to steal it. Sure, it's a little extra effort, but a great turkey sandwich needs protecting. And oven gold is the best there is. Boar's Head, compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about Ovation Cell Therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great Ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great. I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean... person that will go unnamed. It's the advanced formula from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who
despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back. So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount. You work hard to take care of your vehicle, but there could be a problem lurking under the hood. Engine buildup caused by fuel and oil deposits can keep your vehicle from running its best. Luckily, returning that like new performance to your car or truck is as easy as a quick stop by your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store. For over 65 years, people have trusted Seafoam to instantly clean out engine buildup in cars, trucks, boats, tractors, lawnmowers, and more. Adding Seafoam to your oil or gas will help smooth out a rough idle.
Restore lost power and improve fuel economy. For a limited time, you can buy seafoam at O'Reilly Auto Parts for $7.99 each. That's right, seafoam motor treatment for $7.99 each only at O'Reilly Auto Parts, the official auto parts store of NASCAR. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply, see store for details. Good morning. Welcome to McDonald's. First good thing I've heard all day. But it's only 7.30 a.m. I know, and I already whacked my head, broke my phone, and got a parking ticket. So I'm going to need to order quite a few things. That should make you feel better, sir. How about an order of sausage? Oh, and an order of bacon, scrambled eggs, three hotcakes, well, hash browns for sure. Um, sir? Oh, I'm not done. But all of that is on the deluxe breakfast platter, and it's now just $3.99. Seriously? Set your mornings right with McDonald's Deluxe Breakfast Platter. Three golden hotcakes, fluffy scrambled eggs, sizzling bacon, sausage, an English muffin, and more. All for just $3.99. The simple joy of every flavor of breakfast. Sorry you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Technically, I fell out of bed and the window. Breakfast served during breakfast hours only. Price and participation may vary. McDonald's fruit and maple oatmeal made with whole grain rolled oats, tangy cranberries, plump raisins, and fresh apples. All blended with brown sugar and a touch of cream. Available all day long in McDonald's. Many locations now open 24 hours. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month, way less than those other guys, and an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zayo's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered XIO for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers.
Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricut or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Anytime you're ready. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. All I want is a crisp. Sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I buy it, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9. Mikey Show live in the studio. Wearing checkered vans, empty warehouse.
Ross Valerie looking at the camera playing fake keyboards. Steve Perry, the long, straight, black hair. Disgusting. Disgusting. What a song, though. Love it. So, this woman was apparently, they called the cops on her because she was at a park, and she was peeing at the park. Can't do that. Can't do that. Sex pervert. Well, yeah, you look at the sex pervert. Especially when you're having a picnic with your family, all of a sudden some woman is peeing. So they called the cop. She said, no, this is a misunderstanding. I was not peeing. I've recently lost a lot of weight, and my pants fell down. And she had the smell of alcohol on her at the time. On her person. On her person. So she must be guilty. So they did not believe her. Oh, boy, Jay. Jay, are you defending the 39-year-old woman? Yes. Sex pervert. From Jensen Beach, Florida. Florida, weird. Do they have any proof?
Yeah, she was urinating. Yeah, she was peeing. Do they have any proof? Yes, the urine. Do they have any urine? Well, where is it? I don't see it. In the ground. Let's test the sample. They did have people that saw her do it. She says, no, I wasn't. I just, my pants fell down. Maybe they did. Five foot, 130 pounds. Cops smell the alcohol on her. The family says, look, we know what we saw. Yeah. People that have been drinking are always wrong. What's always? Somebody in the studio actually just went, aww. Yeah. Chas Bono comments. Yeah, I love that. Love that. Yeah, love it. Jay can do no wrong. Right. True. Guy cannot. 50 Cent is going to be donating billions. This is a cool story. So he goes to Africa and visits Africa, realizes the hunger problem there, the famine that's going on. And he's got a new energy drink that he's launching called Street King. He was so touched by what he saw that all the proceeds, all of them, are going to go to sending food to Africa. And he's hoping that he's going to give out 50 billion meals to Africans over the next five years. It's really cool, man. The drink will come in mango and grape. It's going to cost between $2.50 and $3. And you should start seeing it popping up in stores.
And even though I'm not an orange mango or grape fan, I'll buy it because you know it's going to help feed kids in Africa. That's really cool. That is cool. Some chicken wings. You know, he loves orange soda. If dude can give out 50 billion meals over the next five years, kudos. Yeah, kudos. More than I'm doing. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty cool. That's very cool. It gets me tickled over there. I know it. I know it. Our number is 570-194-9. Football's tonight. It is. Season kicks off tonight. Packers and the Saints at Lambeau Field. You think the Pack will win? Pack will take it. I think so, too. First, it was snakes at Chris's house. Now it was bees. Apparently, he went home and went to the car.
And there was a whole swarm of bees freaking out near a rock by his car. And there's nothing worse than you need to get to point B and there are bees in between. That's a bad situation. Yeah, there's no wind. I was trying to explain to Jake, don't swat at them. This is a true story. We're at Legoland and there's a bee and he swats at it. And I go. Bubs, there's two types of people. There are people that swat at bees like Uncle Woods. I go, there's people that swat at bees like Uncle Woods. AKA idiots. And I said, and then there's people that don't swat at bees like Daddy. Now, if you don't swat at them, they usually go away. If you swat at them, you make them mad. And he said, okay. And I said, now which one are you going to do?
And he said, like, Daddy. I said, good idea. Good idea. Woodsy, well, he is the freak out B guy. Yeah. I will. I'll get him with my hat. Got one the other day. It makes him so mad. Yeah, I don't like it. But he doesn't get stung. I leave him alone. I get stung. Don't sniff around me because I'll get you. I'm pretty quick. I'm like Miyagi with the chopsticks. You are? Yeah. I'll get you. L-O-B, you get stung by him and you don't leave him alone? I got stung twice in the past year. How did it happen? One I stepped on. And the other one was, unbeknownst to me, on my niece's person somewhere. And when I picked her up, I got the bee in my hand. And the first one was how? I stepped on it on the beach. Jasper stepped on one yesterday. Oh, that's terrible. Did it sting him? Yeah, right in the toe. Oh, dude. Ouch. Did he cry? Two seconds. And then he was like, we put his foot in the cold water and he's fine. Oh, man, I hate bee stings. I remember leaning up against a park bench. And there was a bee on there that I didn't see. So shocking. Well, all of a sudden you feel something burn. Yeah, I sat on a bee. And I was, might have been a little... That helps. Intoxicated? Yeah. That'll help, though. And it was at Jazz Fest in New Orleans. And there's like, you know, big open spaces. And my husband and I had just gotten po' boy sandwiches. We went to go sit down. We were a little buzzed.
Of all the places in this huge open field, we sit down and I was like, babe, I think I sat on a rusty nail. Oh, gosh. I kind of brushed my buns and I kept eating my sandwich because I was, you know, a little out there. Starving. Yeah. It just tasted so good. So good. And then it kept hurting. And yes, it was like... burning. I looked under my rear end and there was seriously the biggest Louisiana queen bee. It was huge. It was just upside down right under my butt. It ruins your day. My whole buttock tensed up for like two hours. My friend and her grandmother's eulogy outdoors got a bee sting up her skirt. She starts screaming? Where? It stung her. And she happened to be going commando. And she happened to get very swollen. Don't we all? Well, I do. She was commando at a funeral. She got stung on the hoo-ha. On the hoo-ha.
I like to feel sexy all the time. I don't care if it's a funeral. You never know when the mood will strike you. I want to be sexy. I want to feel sexy. Did it really get her there? Yes. And actually, she was wearing a dress and her sisters had to tell her when they went out to the procession that they could see her underwear. So she figured it was better to just remove said underwear. It's a lesson to be learned, ladies. I would offer to pull out the stinger. Just if y'all wanted to know. With my teeth. With my teeth. That. Horrific. Yeah, it was like some comedic relief at a point where everyone was really sad, so it ended up being good. Yeah, I can see that. Everyone's sniffling. She's like, hey, guys, I know everyone's sad, but guess where I just got stopped? Does this look swollen to you? Poor girl. Bye, Mike. He said...