The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/14/10

2:33You know, I think the most masculine thing about me is my girdle. I think so. Just temporary. Yeah, I got three more weeks. I wear a girdle. It's not a girdle. It's a surgical apparatus. Post-surgery apparatus. Yeah, post-op. Something. Thing. Thing. It's an abdominal binder. There you go. See? When I was a kid, my mom used to wear this type of underwear. That you put on, and it's everything. It goes over her shoulders, and it's a bra, but then it goes down. Oh, yeah. And it's like, you know, you put your legs in it, so it's like, it looked like a one-piece bathing suit. No way. But it was underwear. Yeah. L.O.B., what is that called? I don't know. You don't know? It sounds like some sort of girdle bodysuit sort of thing. It was like a girdle. Sounds sexy. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

3:35Creepy Uncle Jay. So my mom, I've told every story on the radio. Never told this one. My mom would put it on and she would need it to be like snug. It wouldn't be snug. And so my job, and I mean. Forever. If I still lived at home, this would still be my job. My job was under her armpit. I had to grab with both hands. I had to grab that and yank up and do it on both sides. And then she'd be like, good. She'd be set. Look at Wiz's face. Yeah, Wiz is looking at me like, terrific. Explains a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you understand why? Yeah. Because the skin. It's like when I put my wetsuit on. It was exactly like that. I'm not very limber. Yeah. And so the zip up by myself is really hard. So I'm always like, honey, will you zip me? Yeah. I love the first day I had to put the wetsuit on you. Yeah. Jay had to put one on me. He's like a big baby. Had no idea what I was doing. That's right. I grew up in Texas. There's not a lot of need for a wetsuit. For a wetsuit. Ever. 570-1949 is our number.

4:49And so we'd love to hear from you. You can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. There's five of us on the show, but Sienna's out because she's on maternity leave. Is she? Yes, she is. She is. She's raising that new baby girl, Sage. And so she'll be back soon. Woodsy's our sports guy. I'm the host of the show. Lauren's our assistant producer. She's a comedian. She does a lot of voices. And Jay is our producer. And Will. is screening phone calls for us. So if you want to call us, talk to Will. Word of the day is musty. The word of the day is musty. Now, when you hear me work the word musty into a sentence today, caller number 9-570-1949 will win what, Jay? Today they're going to win a pair of girls' sunglasses from Angel and a pair of anarchy sunglasses. Sweet. There you go. So... Caller number nine, when you hear me work the word musty into a sentence. Okay? New thing coming up at seven, M1 Copycat. You're going to love it. It's great. M1 Copycat. We're going to do that. Big stories of the day are the Chargers, an earthquake already this morning here locally, and this woman that paddled 1,500 miles. Seattle. From Seattle. Seattle.

6:18Seattle. So we'll tell you about all of it. Earthquake, yeah. Earthquake in Baja this morning. And they're saying that this is an aftershock of the one that happened on Easter. What? I felt it. I thought it was a garage door opening. You did? Jesse felt it. Our overnight DJ said he felt it pretty well. Yeah. I was like, that didn't just happen. Happened at 3.52 a.m. Yep, that's exactly when I felt it. That's right about when Jay and I were pulling up real sweetly. Huh? Yeah. I did not feel it. Yeah. Really? Yeah, we got here early today. Yeah, we did. We passed each other on the highway. It was great. He pulled up next to me. He was staring at me. I did. I gave you the long, lingering look. He did. So when you guys got out of your car, you felt it? No, we didn't feel it. Oh, you didn't? No, that's right when we were pulling up. So we were probably still in the car. I didn't. It was 5.4 in magnitude. It's a baby. It was a baby. Is it? Yeah. 5.4? A little. Yeah, and it was like a...

7:17115 miles east of Tijuana. Yeah. I mean, it's noticeable, but a six gets your attention. A six and up, you got your attention. Yeah, you question whether or not it's the train or just gas. Mm-hmm. Glug, glug, glug. Is that water? Is that real tasty? I've been thirsty. Me too. So anyway, didn't really affect you, but I still want you to know. Mm-hmm. I don't want you to get to work and people are like, do you feel the earthquake? You're like, thanks, Mike. You want to tell me about it? Now you can lie and say you felt it. Well, now you're in the know. Yeah, now you know. You're informed. Smart guy or girl. A little water cooler talk for you. No, I did. I feel it. It knocked a picture off my wall. It did? No. I want to see what to you, clown. What? Well, that could have been true. No? Was that no? That wasn't me. That was Mikey. I was like, wait, what? What? You were shacking up at 4 a.m.? Did I believe it?

8:16He thought you were Woods. He said, I was with you, clown. I was with you, clown. No. Not you, clown. How can they not tell us apart? How can he not tell us apart? I don't know. You guys were doing an imitation of each other. A little sweet monkey. What did you do yesterday, Woods? I didn't hear from you much. Let's see. I got home at, what time did we get home? Punched my Mikey doll. Yeah, punched my Mikey doll. Stabbed my Mikey voodoo doll. That's so weird, that's what I did. I laid on the couch and I started to doze off because I was so tired. And the guys came to cut my grass. And I literally, they had the leaf blower. You know, they're blowing the grass and stuff. And it was wee, wee. I literally, in my boxers, I walk to the front door. I rip the front door open. I look outside and just stare at the guy. He looks at me in waves. and I just slammed the door. Why? Because it was so noisy. And he was revving it. He was going, wee, wee, wee, outside my window. That makes me hurt, sad, and fearful. I almost lost my mind. Because I was in that mode where I had just kind of woken up. It's the man's job, bro. I don't care. Do it before I come home. I was trying to drive to work, and some clown was on the radio. Do it before I get home.

9:31I just want to nap when I get home. I need a nap. I get tired. But you realize. If they came at 9 a.m., then people would be like. No, everybody's at work. Everybody's at work at 9. What time was it? It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon, 2, 3 o'clock. You're right. Most people are home at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, I am. Do it at 9. Poor dude. Poor dude. 2 in the afternoon. Oh, so tired. So then I watched football and baseball for the rest of the night. That's work for me. That's what I do now. That's what my wife goes, really, both Monday Night Games and the Yankee game on your laptop. I go, hey, what do you want from me? I do sports now. This is work. Dynamic. It's a good bit. It's real dynamic, man. Hey, I have to be in the know, okay? Yeah. Woods got high score in the Fantasy Football League. Sure did. God, man, you had some players that went off. Thanks to Jamal Charles last night. Yeah. Man. Thanks a lot. Did you win? Did you lose? I won. Oh, you did. I won. How'd you do? I lost. You did? Who'd you lose to? To Ciro. He's on our promotion staff. Tell that story. He had a big night. He did. He had a big night. Yeah, but tell his story. I think he had actually the most points of anyone in the league this week. Can I tell the story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy Ciro, he's new to fantasy football. He's a big soccer fan. Yeah. Now, this may not make much sense to people if you don't play fantasy football, but bear with me because it'll still be funny to you. He has Peyton Manning as his quarterback.

10:59Peyton Manning went off. He had a great game, okay? Huge game. Great game. Somebody tell Ciro, hey, dude, you know, you don't get any of Peyton Manning's points if the team loses. Because Ciro was texting this guy, John, was texting John and was like, hey, did you see that, man? Like, trying to be like, you don't think I know anything? So John screws with him and goes, yeah, dude, but they, you know, the Colts lost, so you don't get any of those points. And so Ciro's like, dang it. I can't believe it, man. And John tells L.O.B., and so L.O.B. perpetuates the bit. The myth. And she texts Ciro, and she goes, hey, dude, sorry about Peyton Manning, man. That's brilliant. Sorry about the Colts. He got him, like, 38 points or something like that. Yeah, something ridiculous. Guy even went on Facebook and was like, man, Peyton Manning went off, but dang it, the Colts lost. I don't get any of the points. Man. And then he got somebody else from one of the other stations in on it, too. But I texted John last night. I'm like, so does Zero still think? And he's like, nah, nah, I let him off the hook. It's a great bit. It's brilliant. You know, I don't run a lot of mouth in fantasy. I'm going to let it kind of play out. I don't either. I'm just going to kind of be quiet. I had, you know, art promotion guy Adam was giving me the business. And I just, you know. Yeah, they try to get me, too. And, you know, I'm not a talker. Okay? I'm one paparazzi.

12:22Good morning. How you doing? I'm doing all right. I had an argument with my friend the other day. My best friend is living with me, a roommate. I thought I'd get you the show's take on it. All right. We were arguing about the fact that his girlfriend lives at my house about 80% of the time at the moment is pregnant, and she's going through the morning sickness, all-day sickness phase, where she's always thrown up, and she has an issue with people hearing her throw up. So every time she goes to the bathroom, she turns on the shower. I do the same thing with number twos. I was pointing out to him that it's a major waste of water, and it's so easy because she's already sitting at the computer before she goes to the bathroom, plus music. Hey, that's my tax. Doesn't waste music. That's Ella B's tax. She puts the stereo on. Yep. So put the stereo on, put the music on, you're good to go. And you're not wasting, you know, running the shower for five, ten minutes, eight times a day. Okay. Brilliant. And he got pissed off at me and said, hey, it's none of your business. We're in America. We can do whatever we want. And I'm pointing out to him that, yeah, but everything you do has consequences. Not to mention the fact that I'm paying the water bill, but that aside, it's not that expensive. It's the fact that you're wasting water and everybody has that attitude. You have 50,000 people doing the same thing. That's a ton of water waste. This is your roommate?

13:41My roommate, yeah. Okay. Okay. Would you like my take on that? Yes. My take is that just like you say that it has consequences to run that water, so does your whining about this to your friend. He's not whining. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, complaining about this to your friend because my guess is that it probably doesn't take too much time. for her to throw up. Maybe it takes an hour, but I doubt it. I guess that it probably takes 60 seconds, okay, in which time she is wasting some water. But if we were to add up the water that she wasted and we were to put a monetary amount on it, my guess is that it would be rather small. Now, what you have to ask yourself is, am I willing to make an issue of this and sacrifice my buddy thinking I'm a complete douche? Or am I willing to make this into a full-blown conversation slash argument, hurting his feelings, thus damaging our relationship and the relationship with her because he's bound to tell her, just so that I can save a few pennies to make my point. But he said it's not about the money. It's about the water being wasted. Okay. Okay. Again, though.

15:11You have to ask yourself, are my water convictions more important? Are my conservatory evergreen convictions more important than my relationship with my friend and my other roommate? Now, maybe they are. Maybe that is in the big picture. Your conservatory feelings are more important than a relationship with a human being that you've known for a long time. In which case, have at it. Continue to tell him to turn that water off and that it's unfair and just shake the tree of H2O conservatism. But my personal opinion is that sometimes it's better to lose the battles to win the war. And that's a battle I'd be more than willing to give up on, buddy. But, you know, to each their own. For the record, I like his conservatory efforts. It's great. LLB is all the way in on paparazzi's take, I guarantee you. Me too. You know, I once lived in San Luis Obispo. And I was obese Mikey at that point. And I moved in with a couple of girls. Karen and Christy. And Karen with a C. And I had a room. Each of us had a room.

16:33Cool little place in Shell Beach, California with a beautiful view of the ocean. Oh, that's pretty. And my room got kind of hot in the summertime. And so I went and I bought a little tiny fan. It was a small fan that sat on the ground. And it served two purposes. In the wintertime it was a heater and in the summertime it was a fan. Well, one day I was in my room during the wintertime and I was using a little heater fan. And I opened the door to my bedroom, and there was beautiful young Karen with a C. And I said, hi. And she said, hi. Can I talk to you for a minute? And I thought to myself, I'm not a peeping Tom. I am. Sure, come in. She came into the room. She said, what is that? She's referring to the heater. I said, why, that's a heater. And she said, oh.

17:44who's paying for the electricity that it takes to run that because it's on all the time. And my heart went, and I went, well, I guess we are all paying for it because we agreed that we would split the utility. So I suppose technically we're all paying for the heater. And she went, exactly. Oh, my God, my chills. That is confrontational. I am chilled to the bone right now. And she said, 19 years old, full of vim and vigor and conservatism, of course. Three semesters into economics, she said, I don't think that I should have to pay and that Christy should have to pay for your heater. And so I said, well, I tell you what, what if I give you $1 for the rest of the year?

18:45And then at the end of the year, you can give me 75 cents as a sort of refund. But why don't we make it proactive for the last 80 years, and I'll give you $5. You said that? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a different Mikey. Holy crap. That's genius. And she went, yeah, you need to unplug that thing. Oh, my gosh. Those things. You know what it turned out? You're going to find this shocking. You know what it turned out? She had a crush on me. Oh. Really? How bizarre is that? I don't get that. I don't get it either. She was so mean. And then later it came out that she had a crush and we smooched. Oh, yeah. Nice. Over the heater? Nice. And then your room was warm for a different reason. No, I didn't live there anymore. I'll give you a dollar. That's funny. I mean, she was right. Those things do you use a lot of energy, but. Like you said. How about her curling iron or her blue dryer? Hair dryer, that whole long showers. You walk in and you're like, oh, I haven't been here for eight hours. I've been at work. Have you left the lights on? Are you kidding? Well, you're going to need to knock that off my bill. We've decided to share the utilities. That's why if you want to change, you've got to live by yourself. M1 paparazzi, I mean, really, I think it's just one of those things where...

20:11I realize that it's the principle of the matter for you, but like Lauren said, you have roommates and that's one of the, just like you said, man, that's one of the consequences of, you know, it's par for the course, you know, and you got to figure, listen, if it turned out that she decided that, you know, if she decided that. using the bathroom to go to the restroom was up for debate. And sometimes she decided that she wanted to use the cat's litter box. That's something I think that you can really take humbridge with. You know, and also I think another thing when it comes to roommates and stuff like that is like food and things of that nature. Like if you buy special something that you want, you have every right to go, hey, pal, don't eat the rest of my lo mein. I brought that home. I was fiending for it and you ate it. That's a different story than, you know, utilities are just, you kind of got to assume we're just going to split everything down the middle. You got every right with anything. It's just you got to ask yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Thank you, paparazzi. It's a great topic, though. That'd be like asking for if someone's at the apartment more than you, being like, you should pay more rent because you're here more than I am. That kind of stuff slays me, man, that ticky-tack. And it's cheap. You know, it's cheap, and I don't like cheap.

21:37I don't like when people are like that. Don't nickel and dime me, man, okay? I'll get you. I saw about two seconds of the Charger game. Nice. And, you know, I have a theory that every time I say it, people think it's so dumb, but I have a theory that when you have a reworked stadium or a new stadium or new uniforms or any of that stuff, you know, you dress for success, and I think it inspires players. Heck yeah. Somebody posted on Facebook last night that the Chargers, because it was pouring rain, so the Chargers looked like they were made out of sugar. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I said that was brilliant. Oh, wow. That's pretty funny. It was not a good game. And I'm going to need somebody to call in because I couldn't stay up and watch the rest of it. I watched the first half, and I had to go to bed because I had to get up 15 minutes after that. I heard they had a chance to win it. I heard they had four shots in the end zone from pretty close and couldn't get it done. I could hear my neighbor screaming, oh, come on! Maybe Vincent Jackson is on the field. Yeah. Maybe he's out there to throw to because I'll tell you what, man. Rivers looked pretty good. I mean, the guy statistically had a pretty good game. You could almost kind of sense it that he was like, oh, boy, who am I going to throw to out here? Yeah, this is fun. No, this is great. Who am I going to throw to? Where's my guy?

22:59Oh, that stinks. But you know what? Vincent wouldn't have been there anyway. He's got a four-game suspension. But I'm just saying, you know, in order for them to be successful, maybe you can make that right. It just kills me. Well, they showed the graphic before the game, and they said players who have departed the Chargers, and there's LT, Marcus McNeil, and Vincent Jackson right there, three guys from your offense that you don't have on the field. How are you feeling when you're trotting out there? Going, oh, it's all right. We've got Pat Creighton. You know what, man? You know, it's tough. It kills me every year. And listen, it's one game. It's one game. It's one game, whatever. I guess it was a little disappointing for me because it was a first game. And I have for years now thought of the Chargers as a Ferrari. And so when you put a Ferrari out on the racetrack, you think it's going to go real fast. So, you know, but whatever. We got 15 more games.

24:00It's a big whoop. We didn't do a tease for sports. We got anything really, what do we got? What kind of stuff? Well, you had, well, I mean, the Chargers lost. That was the biggest story. But also, there was a pretty interesting game before that. Do like you would if we were off the air. Tell me what, if I said to you, what are some possible teases? Jets-Ravens last night, which was a huge, huge game. Padres had a pretty good game last night, too. And there's a new U.S. Open champion in tennis. All right. So we'll do some of that in Woods on Sports. And in the panel, we're going to be discussing Joaquin Phoenix's new movie. Woods has got Padres, Chargers, Tennis coming up in Woods on Sports. And our phone number here is 570-1949. Don't forget the word of the day is musty. And so when you hear me use the word musty in a sentence, you call and you'd be calling nine.

25:38you get yourself a $160 value, his and hers, sunglasses. Such a creepy word. Angel and anarchy. Musty? Musty. I thought that would creep you out. It is pretty creepy. And then at 7 o'clock, we're going to be playing our first ever M1 copycat. Here's how it works. Got a basket. It's got celebrity names in it. We pass a basket around me, Woods, L-O-B, and we pull a name out of there. And it's going to be a celebrity. And we got to imitate him. And if you can tell us who we're imitating, you win. I'm going to suck at this game. I guarantee you. I bet I will, too. What do you mean you bet you will? You do voices, L.O.B. I know, but... You'll be fine. Usually I'm prepared or I get to hear a soundbite first. Yeah. Some woman from Jersey. L.O.B. Her name is Margo Pellegrino, which is a delicious water. Of course her name's Pellegrino. She's 43 years old, and she rode on a ocean kayak. It's a 21-foot ocean kayak from Seattle to OB. Seattle. Wow. Yeah, wow. Just because she was bored or? She wanted to set a record. Yeah, she was doing it for clean water a bit. Oh. Some hippie. I don't know. How's that? What does it do? I don't know. Raising awareness. Draws attention. Draws attention.

27:09That's attention. Clean water. I never understood that bit. I'm going to sit in a tree, that bit. Draw attention to me. No, she's like, I mean, it coincided with some special event they were having that Surf Ride was having. It was a pretty cool thing and something I couldn't do in a billion tries. Well, if you are doing something and people pledge money for every mile or whatever, you're raising money, which then goes to something which becomes something. But I've never understood the raising awareness bit because if you raise awareness by just telling me the name of your organization, I'm not really aware of anything except the name of the organization, which would then take me to a computer, hypothetically, to Google it, look it up, and be interested in it, which I don't have time. I'm very tired. I'd like a nap. And so I don't have time. Even if I hear that you have swam from here to Ensenada and you did it for the sake of PCBs in plastic bottles, nothing's changed in my life. Right. Congratulations to you. In fact, the only people that are truly affected by it are the people that already know about PCBs in plastics who clenched their fist.

28:38and roll it across their gut and go, good for you for letting everyone know that it exists. But it didn't, I don't know that it changes lives. Money does. If you read about it, like if you see the article online or in a newspaper, there's usually some like, the Organization for Conversation of Water. You know what I'm trying to say. Conservation. Conservation. The conversations of water. So they get pressed for it, L.O.B., and then you read about it is what they're saying. Maybe. Hey, listen, that's the best explanation I've heard so far. Right? I mean, with the internet, you just link up to it, to the conversation of water. 1,500 miles this lady did in a kayak. Took her two months. Two months? Two months. What did she do? Did she have to stop? She probably pulled over, you know. Got a camelback. Got a nap. My goodness. She said the conditions in her quote was gnarly. I bet. Can you imagine kayaking through all those? It's hard enough to paddle out on a surfboard through some of the waves, you know, that you run across. Mm-hmm. She's seen her kid three times since she started it. That is really something else. Her husband is a very understanding man.

30:00Should we just stop at like docks or something? I guess. He's like, go ahead, have a ball. Have fun. Just be out here in the trenches. I'll be here in the trenches with the kids, but have fun on your little paddle trip. I'm going to go through three seasons of the Chargers on Madden while you're gone. Guy said house is a wreck. He said there's pizza boxes of Chinese food everywhere. He's like, hey, Cindy, how you doing? She's like, my name's not Cindy, it's Margo. I'm your wife. You are? I'm seeing you in two months. I'm seeing you in a couple months. You know what? The house stinks. Yeah. You know why? Because nobody's taken anything out of the living room in two months. Yep. Kids are not changed. No. Place looks like a mess. Yep. She's going to be on the boat or... Yeah, she's going to be out in the water. You're paddling up or... Shaving while you're out there. Yeah. You're out there raising awareness or... Have you raise your kids? Eat up some rigatoni. Yeah. Have a meal. Starving over, yeah. You know what? I've lost 1,500 pounds. You've rowed 1,500 miles. I lost 1,500 pounds. We've had a hot meal since you left. Oh, no. I take that back. Had Arby's for the 80th time last night. Oh, man. It's good work if you can find it. Absolutely. 1,500 miles in the boat bit. You do a wash. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe you bake some pies, honey. We do like a sail. We do like a sail. Oh, no, no. Oh, no.

31:45Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Last night was Monday Night Football. I kind of told you guys a little bit yesterday. I watch a lot of football on Saturday. Watch a lot of football on Sunday. Come Monday night, the last thing the missus wants to do is sit down and watch Monday Night Football. We watch both games. One and a half, actually. The opener was the legend in his own mind, Rex Ryan. Was going to bring his, you know, at this new Meadowlands Stadium. Gorgeous stadium, by the way. Game, of course, was delayed by lightning and thunderstorms and all kinds of stuff. So he was taking on the Ravens. He used to be the D coordinator for the Ravens. Those guys were fired up. It was one of the most hard-hitting games I've seen. But Baltimore came out ahead in a barn burner 10-9. It was really kind of boring. But it was a good hitting, you know, good hard-hitting game. Ray Lewis is a beast. Yeah. Mark Sanchez threw for a robust 74 yards with no touchdowns. So great work there, Mark. And the Jets had 14 penalties for 125 yards. That doesn't seem very – their big – their saying is play like a jet. Yeah. I don't think that's a good plan. Very well, Coach. I think you want to play like a jet. Very well, Coach. Maybe they changed that to play like a saint. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Well, here's Rex Ryan on his team cut one. It is a long season. You know, it is one game.

33:10And I will say this. I got confidence, as everybody knows, and every man in our locker room. There's no question. Those are some hard knocks, pal. Wow. And I'll tell you what, man. They made the comment last night that Darrell Rivas is like crazy glue. That dude is ridiculous to watch cover, guys. Yeah, especially since he didn't work out. Exactly. He didn't go through preseason. Yeah, football drills. He was ridiculous. So talked a little bit in the opening. The Chargers opened against the Chief. Packed Arrowhead Stadium. Place was electric last night. Very poor conditions. Poor execution. Terrible special teams. Guy ran a punt back. It was not good. So the final was 21-14. Ryan Matthews had 74 yards. Rushed 19 times. Fumbled. Big fumble, too. Big, bad fumble. So, you know what, man? They're going to be okay. It's one game, right? One game. It's one game. Phillip Rivers looked pretty good. 22 for 39. He had 298 and two touchdowns. Dexter McCluster, like I said, was the star for the Chiefs. Ran back that punt that was just... Didn't he, the guy that they said might not play because he was, finger quotes, sick? Yeah, exactly. And he... Remember I said something spelled suspicious? Yeah. That's what I think was suspicious. He's pulling the... The coach is pulling the... He's pulling the... Who's the coach of the Patriots? Belichick. Yeah, he's pulling the Belichick bit of like, oh yeah, our guy's hurt. Oh yeah, our guy's sick. Oh yeah, our guy's... Really? And then he comes out there and he does that.

34:38Well, here's Norv on the big plays cut, too. They made some big plays in all three phases. They handled the environment in terms of the weather conditions. I thought they did a good job in handling that. Standing under some power lines. That's right. Yeah. Is there any way we can move this where I'm not standing directly underneath my electrical power line? Isn't this dangerous, isn't it? They handled the environment in terms of the weather conditions. I don't mean to stop the deal here, but that seems dangerous to me. Above my head is a live wire sparking. Especially with all the rain. The rain going on, it just seems dangerous. I'll do it. Also, there was some good news in San Diego. The Padres cooled off the red-hot Rockies last night. Miguel Tejada had four RBIs. He was... He played like a madman. Heath Bell came in and closed it out. Here he is on getting the swagger back. Cut three. We believe in each other. That makes us that much better when a hitter believes that the guy behind him, if he doesn't come up with that big hit, the guy behind him will. Or the bullpen, if he didn't have it and gives up a hit, somebody can bail him out. And you have that confidence, and that's the swagger I was talking about.

35:52At least we're leading the West again. Yeah, two and a half games. The Rockies are two and a half behind San Diego now. And finally, Rafael Nadal beat Novak Djokovic last night to win his first U.S. Open title in New York. There you go. That's what's on sports, buddy. I had pork chops last night, which is my favorite thing in the world. Oh, so good. Applesauce. Rebecca made shake and bake. You would never eat that, would you, L.O.B.? Shake and bake pork chops. I've never had it. I just remember the commercials. It's shake and bake. And I helped. That's right. So delicious. They're delicious. What is it? It's just breadcrumbs? Yeah, you know, seasoned breadcrumbs that have their own little, you know. I would eat that. Oh, my gosh. Do you eat pork? Sometimes. It's a great deal. I've got this down pat. That's right. Coming in? Sorry. I do have it down pat, though. I just cut it and eat it. Feasting on pork chops? But, uh.

36:52Our new nanny is from Hungary. And she said, what is this they eat? I said, it's called pork chops. Oh, this is pork? And I said, yeah. This is not healthy, right? No way. And I laughed and I said, well, you know, we call it the other white meat. That's right. It's like chicken. And she says, they say this in Hungary too, but... No, this is unhealthy. This stop heart, right? This make boy fat, isn't it? If we're being open, honest here, right? This is where expression, porker, comes from. Isn't this? Isn't this where expression, you're a little piggy, comes from? This is filet of pig, no? You are what you eat still, staying in your country. Your country, you hear this before? You ever hear, oh, goodness.

37:54I become pig. You know, pig is filthy animal. Maybe you're a filthy animal. Pigs root and eat. You know, they root and eat. In own poop. Yes, in own poop. And I said, but yeah, pork chops taste good. Bacon tastes good. Bacon's like my vice. I don't care if it was pumpkin pie. I'm not going to eat it because it's filthy. Sure, it may taste like pumpkin pie. I never know because I never eat a filthy MF. Holy cow. May I have some of your Sprite to wash down this tasty burger? You know, there is a saying I have Ezekiel 25. Holy cow, you just shot Marvin in the face. Why am I on the brain detail? I can't believe this is the same car. Wow. Ow, ow, ow. I don't think they like Pulp Fiction in Hungary as much as you guys do. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Do you know what they have in the Amsterdam movie theater? What? Beer. They do? Not like a little paper cup, like a glass of beer.

39:30Oh my gosh. You know, a foot massage is very intimate. I got my technique done and everything. I'm the foot effing master. You guys having a good time? That's great. But yeah, so I was just sitting there. She's very healthy. I was just feasting on... She only eats vegetables, right? Yeah. She's vegetarian. Her and my wife. They eat the same thing every night. Salad sandwich. Salad sandwiches. Real good. A little pasta. I'm having pasta tonight, Tal. I'm so excited. I finally, by the way, I finally told her that I imitate her on the air, which was good because, you know, my wife said, please tell her that you do because you're not home when I have to be standing there. Oh, gosh. You know.

40:31It's okay, Mike. I come in and slit throat in the middle of night. Maybe I put pillow over your head. Rebecca's like, he does this to everyone. He's like, oh, well, he's never done it to somebody from Hungary. We have saying there. It is, we get even. Exactly. She's such a sweet, sweet girl, ma'am. She's so sweet. She's really nice. Kids love her. Okay, the panel. I'm going to do one topic in the panel today. And it is Joaquin Phoenix. The basic deal with the panel is that me and Woods and L.O.B., we give our take on this topic. And Joaquin Phoenix has a new, there's a new documentary out about Joaquin Phoenix. And the premise is that he's gone off the deep end and decided that he wants to be...

41:28a hip-hop artist. He's grown his facial hair out. He's got this big, long beard and mustache and long, scraggly hair. And, you know, the question is, is it real or is it a bit? And the movie was made by Casey Affleck. Affleck! It's married to his sister. And he says, wow, I'm so surprised. I would have never even thought that this would be a question. that it's a bit until people have brought it up. Now, I think it's a bit. But I would like to discuss in the panel what your thoughts are on it. Is it real or Memrax, and does it even matter, Woods? I don't think it's a bit. I'm one of the naive few that believes that he maybe has lost a marble or two and that he's kind of sick of the establishment. I mean, his family's always kind of been a little bit on the edge.

42:31And I think that, you know, all the accolades over the years have kind of driven the dude to be kind of out on the whole thing. He's going to do his own thing. L.O.B. I think maybe it is a dramatic portrayal of what's actually happening. You know, he's an actor, and if cameras are around and they're on him, he's definitely going to play it up. Whether it's a documentary or not, he's going to be performing if there's a camera around. So I think it... I think it started on the premise of a documentary, maybe got a little bit more dramatic as it went on. But if you had to nail down whether you think it's real or fake, what do you think? I think it's real. You think it's real? I do. I think that he has not gone off the deep end. I think that he is perfectly sane and brilliant. And I think it's a great idea, and I wish I'd thought of it. And I think it's... I love mockumentaries. Mocky. And I think it's great. 570-1949. You can give us a call and tell us what you think. You know, he's going back on Letterman, too. Yeah, he is. Yeah, the 22nd. Oh, boy. I can't wait to see it. I'm sold. Of September? Yep. It's going to be good, right? So we will be waking up in like two hours after that time. Yeah, yeah. I'll be watching the TiVo in the morning.

43:57But you can call us. You can tell us what you think about that. 570-1949. I want to know. I want to hear from somebody that's seen it. Yeah. That's what I want to hear from. Because it's in limited screening right now. I had a buddy in Dallas that saw it, and I asked him his take, and he goes, Woodsy, I'm not going to tell you until you see it. Really? He said, I will say that it's sheer brilliance, and it's so great, and I'll see it again. I want to see it now. I heard a clip and was convinced that it was a bit when I heard the clip. You know, it was a clip of him with P. Diddy. And it just was like, P. Diddy's like, how much money you got? You know, if we're going to do this, how much money you got? And I'm like, I just don't picture P. Diddy saying that. P. Diddy is also one of those people that if the camera's around, he's going to be like, I'm going to make this look sensational. Yeah, it's true. There you go. I don't know. It's enough to get people talking about whether or not it's real. I'm titillated. Hey, that.

44:57Ben Affleck movie looks alright, right? Oh man, it looks so good. I haven't been this excited for a movie in forever. Never. I haven't seen anything. The Town. The Town. It's supposed to be a combination of Heat and The Departed. Ooh. Can't beat those two. Is he, did he direct it or is he just in it? No, he's just in it. And he's from Boston. I love Boston. I love where I grew up and I think it's sort of a character in the movie now in this case. There's a lot of criminals. I certainly don't mean to suggest that the whole city is full of criminals. Don't get mad at me, Woods. Oh, boy, what? I don't like how cool their masks look. Oh, really? I don't think that's real. They don't look cool. They look scary. I know, and I don't think people have masks that look that good. Scary from all your people that you've hung out with at rob banks know from all the footage I've ever seen of bank robbers Yeah, what did you want like the mask with the two holes cut out of the eyes and the one for the mouth? Oh, you mean? Oh, you mean real? Yeah They're stalking. Yeah, they're trying something different. Yeah, it works. Look at little Hollywood. It's gonna work stalking it Stalking I don't know why I said stalking the stalking is so scary. Oh

46:13That's the word. It's such a simple mask. It does. It's scary. It's hard to get off your head, too, once you have it on there. Really? Oh, yeah. The only thing I can think of that maybe kind of... Jay just stood me into a bank robbery. The only thing that makes it kind of believable to me is that I believe that the Geezer Bandit is a prosthetic mask. Right. I don't believe that that's a real old man. I think it's a mask. Yeah. So, okay, maybe it's believable. What about the ex-presidents from Point Break? Genius. Yeah, they just walked in. That's believable. You know why? Because they just walked into some, you know. Spencer's Gifts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, these look. They look scary and menacing and they look very Hollywood to me. Will you go see it? Yeah. You will. I'll go see it with you. If you go see it. Yeah, for sure. Let's go. Date night. You want to go see Inception today? No. Okay. Maybe I'll ask you again at five. We'll see. See what you think about it in five minutes. Maybe you change your mind. I will not. Did you guys freaking hear what Oprah Winfrey gave to her audience? You know she gave away, what, cars? You get a car. Yeah, you get a car. You get a car. She gave away cars. Hear what she just gave away? At this point, you should be buying raffle tickets to be in her studio audience. We'll tell you about it. If you've got to be at work at 8, you've got an hour. Hey, welcome back to The Mikey Show. I'm the host.

48:27Woodsy is our sports guy. He's the guy wearing the newsboy hat. L.O.B. is our assistant producer. She's the one wearing the hoop earrings. Sienna is the one breastfeeding. You can't see her because she's not here. She's just had a baby. She's on maternity leave. And she will be back hopefully soon. We miss her so much. We do. Why don't we come back to work? And Jay's our producer. He's in the next room. And today is our last day in this studio. So weird. How about that? Tomorrow we move into Studio M. And it's a brand new studio dedicated just to the Mikey show. It's a whole suite. It's beautiful. It's P-I-M-P. It's P-I-M-P. It is. And, man, we can't wait. Tomorrow will be our first day in there screwing up. Yep. Tune in because it's going to be an experience for the years. Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah.

49:32It's going to be an experience. I can't wait. Experience for the ears. Yes. Like a carnival in your ears. Hopefully we sound normal. Wait till I tell you at 730 what Woods told me right after the show yesterday. And I was so irritated and delighted at once. Why were you irritated? Because why didn't you say it? I know. You didn't say it all. You didn't tell anybody. No. Oh, what a great story. So we will tell you that coming up. I'm going to get filet for this one. I know. Gosh. Word of the day is musty. When you hear me work the word musty into a sentence, caller nine gets $150, $60 value. His and her sunglasses. We're up to a $300 go pad for trade up for charity. Yeah, it's pretty nice, right? Saw it this morning. It looks pretty sweet. Yep. We have a $300 go pad. You got something better than a $300 go pad?

50:31And you want to trade it. You don't use something. You're like, I got something that's worth more than that. Trade us. And we're going to keep doing this and keep doing this. And eventually we're going to have one giant thing that we will go on to eBay and sell. And we're going to give all the proceeds to Rady Children's Hospital and their ADI, Autism Discovery Institute, which was really instrumental in helping my son, Jake. I'm stoked about this. Trade up for charity. If you have something better than a $300 GoPed, call us at 5701-949 that you want to trade. Okay, so you get a GoPed and we get whatever you have. Just give us a call. So listen to what... Now you know that Okra Winfrey is going to be going off the air. I think it's actually Oprah, Mike. Oprah Winfrey. Oprah's like a vegetable. Like a vegetable, okay. And so she's going to be going off the air soon. She's already given away cars to everybody in the audience. Here's what she just did. This is really my last chance to do something really big. Imagine if you were in there, you're like, oh, wow, I'm about to win it. They're going to give me a live elephant that I can ride. Sounds like the Beatles. It does. It does. And if you want to do something big, you would want to take a... Teenage girls with horn-rimmed glasses holding the sides of their faces, shaking and crying.

52:05And I decided Mars. You go to Mars. You go to Mars. You go to Mars. Wow. I want a sandwich. Not a fan. It's a joke. This is messing around. I should take all of you with me to the other side of the world. Listen to that. Sent a whole audience to us here. So cool. Chances that they actually spend time with her in Australia. Zero percent. I'm going a different week than you. I'll be nowhere near the whole time. I'm going to Belgium.

53:28That's fantastic. Oh, but you know what? I kind of feel like car lasts longer. Yeah. She really top off her last one. I wonder if they have to pay any taxes on it. Yeah. On the car? On everything. You think on the trip they do? It's like a 40% tax. That's BS. You're paying 40%. You're. Really? Sounds like the count when she does that, right? Whoa. This is Edward Cullen. Yeah. It's almost worse when you actually give away a car. There's so much taxes. Really? You get a car still, but still. Yeah, I'd still like winning it. But on a trip. Trust me. I mean, the trip or the car. I still like winning it. We gave away Corvettes one time, and most people couldn't even keep them because the taxes were so high. Oh my gosh, that's such a bummer. So the dealership just bought it back from them for a reduced price. So they still made some money. Well.

54:28That's what she's doing. She gave away trips to Australia. That's a big prize. Yeah, it is. I wonder if she had to pay for it or if the travel company said, well, you spiff us. I think so. It's a lot still. I mean, how many does a studio audience hold? 150 people, you think? Like 300 people? Really? Something like that. I know they've got a separate room where you don't even get to watch her live. You watch it on a screen. I wonder if they won, too. That's a lot of money. Yeah, it is. I heard she's, you know, pulling in like $40,000, $50,000 a year. Yeah, she does okay. She does okay. You know what I mean? M1 Chemistry is on the line. Let's see what Chemistry's up to. Are you there, Chemistry? What's going on? What up? They're what? Yeah, he can fly 747s. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was. He walked out with his little outfit on. He did? He's had a rough year. Yeah, he has. He has. Poor guy. In One Chemistry, do you actually watch the okra show? I mean, because you're going to have to hand in your man card immediately. Okay, good. Yeah, here is John Travolta. Got a thing for John Travolta? That makes my mouth water. Here's a longer clip.

56:12Well, firstly, I love the flight down there because it's an award-winning aircraft, meaning that every seat in the plane is designed for long travel. And then when you arrive, you see the warmest, dearest, most down-to-earth people you'll ever want to meet. You'll love it. Don't touch the hair. Sorry, I don't want John Travolta to fly away. No. I just don't. Why? Because I want a guy that does it daily. Yeah, that's true. You know, not a guy that does it as a hobby. Yeah. I've done it twice. Yeah, no thanks, John. He'll probably be like a co-pilot. I'm not a co-pilot. I'm a pilot. Hey, Mr. Kata. Flying and landing and flying. And one Lauren, John Travolta. That's right. You don't have to feel like it ain't going to go good when I'm flying you, man. We'll be rocking and rolling. Could be grease lightning. Yeah. Could we do some dancing on the plane, John? Sandy. Yeah. I hope I don't crash this plane. Mention everybody. Coach. I hope I don't crash this plane. Driving us to Sydney and Melbourne. I don't even know where we're going. I don't even know. We could die. It could be symptomatic. Yeah, it could be. Hopefully our wings are hydraulic. Systematic.

57:44And we don't get struck by lightning. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Holy crap. John Travolta flying your plane. No thanks. Yeah, that's a good point, Woods. That's like them having the guy from House do your surgery. Yeah. Hey, this guy's a doctor on TV. He's done a couple different procedures. Kelsey Grammer working my problems out. Yeah, exactly. In the back. Yeah, and that's not like a little puddle jumper from San Diego to San Francisco. It's like a 20-hour flight. Pretty much the worst flight ever. I've done it. Do you think that you get to tour the cockpit? I don't know. If you're a winner, you would think that you would get to tour the cockpit because it's not like a normal flight where you could be a terrorist. Well, I bet they'll all be on one flight together. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm sure she chartered a flight. It's probably John Travolta's plane. Yeah, seriously. It's probably his plane. All right, let's play M1 Copycat. It's going to be fun. Now call us right now, 570-1949. And here's how it works. We have a little basket here, okay? And the basket has names in it of celebrities. It's hand-woven. It's a hand-woven basket. Took me all night. And we're going to pull, you know, me, Woods, and L.O.B., we're going to pull a name out, and whatever the name is, we have to try to imitate that person. Only rule is, we can't say their big catchphrase. Okay? And if you are on the line,

59:12And you can guess who we're doing. Then you win. If you can't, then you lose. And we got spoon tickets. Correct. 570-1949. Call us right now. And you winning or losing is contingent on how well we can do this voice. Now, the truth is, is that all three of us do voices. Woods does voices. I do voices. LLB does voices. We do voices. So you have a pretty good chance. But you have to be able to guess what we're doing. Okay? Let's see. M1, hot for teacher. You there? Pretty good. Now I'm going to be the first one to draw here, okay? I got my hand in the basket. And I'm rustling the papers. And I am pulling a name out. And the name I see. And now I have to try to do this name. Are you ready? Okay, let me see. Let me see. Oh, wow. You know, I do this voice and, you know, you got to try to figure out who I'm doing. You know, and this is like, I don't know. I don't even know. I do this crazy voice. Who am I trying to be right now? Oh, hello. Is it Bill Cosby? It is not Bill Cosby.

1:00:45You want to take a guess, Woodsy? What? Adam Sandler. I had no idea Dave's son got so big. I didn't get it till the end. The worst Adam Sandler. So you may remember me from Saturday Night Live. That's right. That is right. I am the great Jimmy Fallon. I should have done that part. So you wouldn't be allowed to go... No, because that's more like... That's more like, you know, you really give it away, you know? So you got to just try to talk. You can't do their famous lines or you kind of blow it. I'm so nervous for this. Oh, yeah. It's, you know, it's hard. M1 Eric. Yo. All right, Woodsy's up. All right, Woodsy. Without looking, no, look at me. Reach in there. Pull out a piece of paper.

1:01:46He's got it. He's going to look at it. Nobody can know what it is. It's like a fortune. And then he's going to do the voice. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. Here I am. I'm in Hollywood again. I'm an old bag. Oh, man. M1, Eric. Betty White. Is it Jen Rivers? Yep. Perfect. Not me perfect. No, that was one. That wasn't bad, was it? Hello! I'm an old bag! I wouldn't have known it until you said that part. Are you allowed to describe yourself? If you could have said, now, what would you have done, Woodsy? My daughter, Melissa!

1:02:40You could have said that. You could have said that because that's not a famous catchphrase. Okay, cool. So we can give some clues. Maybe you could give some clues, but don't make those clues. Yeah, you know. My name rhymes with bone divers. You can't do that. My Joan Rivers was better than yours. Oh, grow up. You grow up, Mikey. The worst. We're both the worst Joan Rivers ever. M1 Dane, are you there? Yeah. Good morning. Yeah, let's see if we give away one pair of spoon tickets today. Oh, boy. Us trying to do these impressions. All right. All right. L.O.B.'s got... Yeah, where's the basket? You have it. I got it. Okay, here you go. Now, you can't look, L.O.B. Okay, okay, okay. You can't look. She's reaching. She's finding a name. She's pulling out a piece of paper with a name on it. She can't tell us what it is. Oh, I can't do this. You got to try. You got to try. You got to try. I don't even know. You got to try. Okay. Hey, everybody. I like to shoot things. Oh, my God. I'm a big, hard guy. I know it. I know it, too. Hey, everyone. I like California. M1 Dane, take a guess at who that was. Man, I could be anyone. Who do you think? Just take a guess. It's a girl. It's a guy. She said big, hard man.

1:04:20Oh, man. Oh, man. I did say that in the heat of the moment. Eddie Murphy, I don't know. Eddie Murphy! L.O.B., who was it? John Wayne. Everybody pack an iron. Unload it. That's not bad. And I mean anything that shoots. Anybody who holds out so much is a pea shooter. May find himself hanging by a tie rope 70 foot up the tree. I'm a hard man. Should we do one more? Let's do one more. Let's try. I want to give away something. I know. I want to give away one. M1 Robert. Hey, how you doing? Good. All right. It's back to me. Worst imitations ever. I know. It's the worst. All right. I'm reaching in. Oh, boy. You doing this, Mikey? I'm wrestling. Yeah, I'm doing it in the voice. I'm reaching in. I'm wrestling the papers. I've pulled out a name. It's nerve-wracking. All right. Are you ready? I'm ready. I might be able to pull this off. I am talking in a very low voice. I am trying to communicate with you. I want you to guess who I am who talks like this. Are you black or white? I can't tell you that. I wish I could, but I'm not allowed. Oh my god.

1:05:46Get deep, Mike. That was so deep. You guess who I was doing. I knew it. It was James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones. Yes, he did. And more notably, Darth Vader. Darth Vader, yes. It's a great question, but the answer to that is negative, Ghostwriter. You do not. And we didn't give away one prize. We're terrible. Terrible. But man, is that fun. Is it? Well, let me tell you something. L.O.B.'s voice alone was worth the game being played. That's all I'm going to tell you.

1:06:53Holy cow, that was great. I've never seen John. What's his catchphrase? John Wayne? Yeah, Pilgrim. Hey, Pilgrim. Hey, Pilgrim. Yeah. Obama did something I'm actually in favor of, but I'm a conservative Republican, so. What liberals are going to think about this? What did Obama decide that he's going to sell for $60 billion? No, it is not his courtside seat to the Knicks. Oh, by the way, did you hear about the guy trying to get his son to exercise using a BB gun? His motivation? I'll tell you all about that. Hang on. It's catchy. I'm going to tell you what Woods did in just a second. He told me this after the show yesterday, and I said, how did you not say that? It's mortifying.

1:08:56Word of the day is musty. So when you hear me use the word musty in a sentence, be caller number nine at 570-194-901, $160 value, his and her sunglasses. So President Obama did something that was not very liberal Democrat. He has sold $60 billion worth of stuff to the Saudis. You're saying, well, like what? Arms. 84 F-15s, 70 Apache helicopters, 72 Blackhawks, 36 what they call Little Bird helicopters and assorted weapons and missiles and bombs, which I'm all for. I mean, I think the Iranians are a little, specifically their president, Almond Joy. Almond Didejad. But it's a...

1:10:07Kind of scary situation. So we're allies with Saudi Arabia. And so he goes, you give me $60 billion and we'll give you a bunch of stuff to maybe protect that area. Just in case the Iranians get a little sideways. A lot of liberal Democrats would probably say, really, you're selling $60 billion at the arms to the Saudis? Every message the U.S. sends is being heard loud and clear in Iran. Certainly any sign that the U.S. and Saudi Arabia are deepening their defense relationship, certainly any sign that Saudi Arabia will have a stronger deterrent force, I think, enters into the calculations of the Iranians. I hope so, since they're enriching uranium, could potentially have nukes. It scares the poop out of me. It's a lot of money, 60 bill. Yeah, it is. Just cut a check. Yeah. Saudi Arabia just cuts us a check and we give them all that stuff. You hear about the guy that wanted his teenager to exercise more, so he used a BB gun to motivate him during football drills? Oh, gosh. It was on Monday. That guy's stealing our bit. Yeah, he is. He says he's sorry and that it was all just a misunderstanding.

1:11:41Robert Lynn Baker, 41. This guy's a year older than me. He left his family home. He was forced to cut off all contact with his stepson after he was arrested Saturday on child abuse charges. And he says, look, I'm sorry if I did something wrong. Maybe I was a little overzealous. I'm sorry. So I think that's a little harsh, you know, BB gun for working out. BB gun for... not running the way that your dad wants you to. I remember when I was a little kid, everybody remembers the D dad in the neighborhood. And I remember this dad, he was bouncing, just like in the movie, the great Santini, his son hit somebody with a basketball. And so this guy, this dad,

1:12:42to show his son what it was like, started to bounce the ball off his head. He's like, you like that? You like that? And I was like, holy cow. He's bouncing the ball off his head. Well, this was 91 degrees. Heat index at 107 on Saturday when this guy decided that that's what he was going to do with his son. And an anonymous caller heard the BB gun. They called the police and said, hey, I think this guy's out there shooting his son with a BB gun to get him motivated. Wow. So, yeah, they hauled him into jail. Overzealous dads, for sure. That's a very overzealous dad. He's very overzealous. I will be there, I'm sure. Woodsy was a bit overzealous over the weekend. Yeah, speaking of overzealous. Woodsy. Oh, if looks could kill Mike, you'd be dead.

1:13:42I didn't put this in a recap, so it really wasn't fair game, but whatever. You didn't tell Jamie, your wife. No, didn't tell anybody. Jamie has no idea to this moment. You didn't tell her? No. Oh, this is great. Oh, this is great. Oh, she's listening. You know that. I want her to call in after she hears it. Tell everybody what you did. This is phenomenal. It's so embarrassing. All right. I went and got a pedicure. I got a pedicure. First of all, that's a number. Let me see your titsies. I beat red. Don't they look great? Oh, wow. Yeah. Got a pedicure. Woods, you communicate with me for everything. Yeah, pretty much. And I never got a text from you that said,

1:14:34The kid's going to get a pedicure. Because whenever Woods is doing something that he knows he's going to get filleted on, he gets real quiet. He gets real quiet. It's like the calm before the storm. And it's obvious that I'm up to something. Yes! Because nobody hears from me. And I'm telling you, I actually thought that to myself. There are times where I'd be like, I haven't heard from Woods. I'm like... I hope he's not in jail. I thought that over the weekend, actually. I didn't get any congratulatory or encouraging texts. This is growth for him. He wasn't in jail. He was getting a pedicure. Five years ago, I would have gone, he's in jail. Now when he's missing, I'm like, I wonder if he's getting a pedicure. Five years ago, you would... He's lost. He's in PB. He's at a bar somewhere. Maybe he's at a jail in Mexico. He's at a bar somewhere. He's in Mexico. God knows where he is. Well, no. I'm kind of a sweeter and kinder and gentler soul now than I was. What was the rationale? Please, please, please, please. I'll tell you. I had been by this place several times because it's close to where I get my hair cut. And I was like, man. You walk by there and you see these people and there's dudes that go in there.

1:15:47Oh, yeah. I've seen plenty of dudes. There's plenty of dudes in there, and they got their feet up, and they're getting, like, the leg massage. And I look down at my toes. They're, like, all gnarly and calloused and gross. And I was like, all right, why not? Maybe I treat myself. Maybe I treat myself. Oh, my gosh. Everybody else is allowed to pamper themselves. What about me? Oh, my gosh. I wish I could just see it. I wish I could watch it unfold. I wish I could see it. Oh, dude. You probably look so big in that seat. Uh-huh. Weren't you embarrassed that you would go in there and be recognized? Because you get recognized now. Yeah, I do. But I had a little plan. When you walk by, it's really... only Asian women that are in there. I mean, that's not being stereotypical. That's what's in there. Oh, I know that for sure. Right. So you'd know where it was if I showed you. If I pointed out to you, you'd know exactly which one I'm talking about. Yeah. So I walk in, and I'm like, I'll be safe here. These guys don't listen to the mic. You still know who I am. Right. Like seven people know me anyway.

1:16:55It would be my luck when I walked in that I got the only Caucasian young lady that worked in that. Oh, my God. Oh, man. What you guys probably are expecting here is that I walked in and she's like, oh, you're Woods. No, that's not the case. But I didn't want to tell her who I was or what I did because I was getting a pedicure. I just didn't. I was embarrassed. Oh, man. I didn't want to be like, yeah, I'm on the radio. And then, oh, what stage? No, I'm going to listen. You know, I just didn't. Of course not. Really sweet girl. Sit down and, you know, and I'm like, you know, you know me. I'm doing bits. What'd she look like? What'd she look like? She's cute. She's blonde. Cute. Not Asian. Not Asian. No, Caucasian. Caucasian. Oh, wow. So, you know me. I'm doing bits. I'm like, oh, this is pretty manly. You know, I'm trying to, like, make myself feel better. Well. Can I come see your feet? Yeah, yeah, you can see them. They look great, don't they? They look fantastic. They're sparkling. Sparkling. Yeah, great. It's the most beautiful feet. They're pink with a flower on the two big toes. No, they are not. It's so weird. They're shamrocks. No, so I was sitting there, and she inevitably, it got to the point of, what do you do for a living? And I, like that, quick, real estate. No. I lied to her. No, you didn't. Yes, I did.

1:18:19I do real estate. Because my wife takes two or three real estate classes a day online. She's getting a real estate license. First thing that popped in my mind. I'm looking at you right now like you're in a museum. Oh my gosh. Did you big time? Were you like, oh, I'm a commercial real estate? No, no. So what do you do for a living? As she's sawing the dead skin off my heel. She's sawing with this thing and I'm like, oh, real estate. And I just kind of wanted to kick back. Yeah, it was like my bit when I got hit on on the little SkyTram, whatever it's called. What did you say? What did you say? Gosh, what did I say? I forget what I said. I said, yeah, but I said immediately. Sales, I think. Real estate. And she's like, oh, really? And, you know, oh, I have a friend that does this and that. And I'm like, oh, my God, please don't talk any more about it. Finally, she starts asking me questions. Why? Because she's a woman, and she has to ask a million questions. That's what they do. They riddle you with questions. It was like she's writing an essay. And so she starts asking me. You work for the school paper? Yeah, yeah. Were you on the school paper? Were you writing an essay? Quit asking me a question. It was probably for the community bulletin. And I'm sitting there, and I'm like, oh, my God. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.

1:19:31And she was like, so, man, the market's been really bad. When do you think it's going to turn around? And, you know, I'm like, soon. You know, soon. And here's me. Well, you know, real estate is cyclical. And, you know, it's bound to come around again. Like an idiot. She's asking me, like, detailed questions. And I looked like a giant jackass. Jackass. Oh, my gosh. You're just like, in your head, hurry up. Yeah, hurry up. And finally, I think she got the hint of, like, he doesn't want to talk about what he – I think I even said, you know, I don't really like to talk shop that much. Okay, we can talk about that. Can we talk about something else? And so then I'm like, so, you know, how long have you been doing this? Are you an esthetician? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. It was terrible. I'm mortified. I beg you. No.

1:20:23Please, please, please, please, please. I know him. I know how his brain works. Please. He wants me to go in there and get her. Yes. Bring her in. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Please. No. Please. No. I'm begging. I'm begging you to. Here's the deal. If you want to go seek her out and find her, have a ball. I do. I do. I do. I do. You know exactly where it is. It's right by our house. It's five minutes. Oh, yeah. I know where it is. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, that is the greatest thing. I was mortified. Didn't tell my wife. What was her name again? Elizabeth, I think. Okay. Were you nervous? You can't miss her. She's the only white girl in there. Were you nervous walking in there? I felt like I was getting away with something. Does that make sense? Who M1s think of this? 570-1949. Everybody that ever liked me in our audience is going to be like, not so much anymore. Woods said this. Blurted it out. He goes, maybe the kid got a... I did. Maybe the kid got a pedicure this weekend. Oh, my God. And I looked at him just stone-faced, like, is that a true statement? Like, wide-eyed. Is that true? Is that true? He goes... Maybe. Don't worry about it. He goes, I did. Yeah, didn't even tell the wife. We got to get Jamie on the phone. I tell her everything. I mean, I tell her everything, but I was so, like... What an experience. I mean, you're walking out of there going, wow.

1:21:53I just told that woman that I work in real estate. Yeah. And I have beautiful feet. Oh, man. 570-1949. I know how you feel, though. Like, the first time after I started to have a few people know who I was, I went and I got bikini wax. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, it crossed my mind to be like, hmm, do I make something up? Because I don't want, like, if she's an M1, I don't want to be like, guess what I saw. Yeah. Well, right. Exactly. The girl's like, I know this is really weird, Lauren, but could you just... Could you just do Eskimo Blue Waters for me just one time? Have you guys seen that video on YouTube? It's good. What video? Yours. Getting waxed. We'll probably find one, yeah. Like, you're Lauren, right? Like, yeah? Like, hey, I know this is totally crazy, but... Just do Susanna for me. Can you do TomTom real time? I love the TomTom girl. I know, but I know how you feel. You're like, it's embarrassing. You're laying there, splayed open, and you're like, okay, I will do it for you. Now just stop. Just don't hurt me. Stop with a barrage of questions. Stop firing questions at me.

1:23:19Maybe you just do your job. Oh, man. I do mine and you do yours. I've learned my lesson. I've learned my lesson. Oh, boy. This is a bit embarrassing. What is the lesson that you learned, Woods? I don't lie. Just don't lie. No, I just don't lie. Or maybe don't get pedicures and you won't have to lie. I know. M1 John? Yeah. What's going on? Not much. How are you? Oh, boy. I'm great, man. He sounds mad. Elizabeth's husband? I don't quite understand why people are giving him a hard time about actually walking into a place and having young ladies work on his feet. Yeah, it's just not real manly. And I try to portray this manly dude. Try to portray? You are a manly dude. I mean, I got a dip of snuff in Copenhagen long cut in right now. He has a dip of snuff in right now. And he's spitting into an empty Starbucks cup. Yep. I just don't get the negative connotation. Thank you, John. Hey, I would do it. So what? But I'm very metro. You're feminine. If I did it, it wouldn't be a surprise. I don't play in a men's league baseball team and dip snuff. All right? I don't, when I hear about Lord of the Rings, go, no, I've never seen it. I like girls. I like girls. So what you're saying is you need to wear a jockstrap before you head into one of those places? I guess, man. Yeah, you might want to. John, have you ever had one?

1:24:45I'd like one. My wife doesn't like to get pierced by my toenails in bed. Oh, boy. Yeah, and you know the sad thing is my missus didn't even notice. Yeah. Didn't even say anything. That's the worst part, when she doesn't even notice. It's like when she gets her hair done and I don't notice. It's like a big ordeal. M1 Tracy? Yes? What do you think? Oh, I think it's hysterical that every man in San Diego County now has an out when they want to go get a pedicure. Woods did it. Woods did it. That's right. Woods from the Mikey Show did it. What's the problem? Yeah, they could say, hey, I'm Woods from the Mikey Show. Yeah, well, I'll tell you what. If anybody's like, dude, that's totally gay, they could be like, really? Because the guy that dips snuff and plays in the men's league baseball team did it, so why are you giving me a hard time? Just walk into a nail salon and be like, I'll get the Woods special. Give me the Woods. Give me the Woods. The works? No, the Woods. No, the Woods. M1 David? Yeah. What do you think? I've done it before. I'm in the military, actually. I've done it. My girlfriend, I went in and did it with her. It's kind of nice. I did it once before. I did it before our wedding, and that was three years ago in November. You missed it? You had a craving? You craved it. You're like, oh, I'll tell you what.

1:26:04I'm going to go back. Are you? You know he will. Hell yeah. I'm going in there today. They rub. Just pray that today's not her day off. They rub like your legs. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. M1 Janelle. Hi. Hi, how's everybody? Good. It's fabulous. I was telling your guy that my boyfriend, who is uber-manly, I mean, this guy was in the Army. He was a trucker in Alaska. I mean, we're talking big-time manly. He gets his eyebrows flitted with me. Oh, boy. Wow. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. He's got a huge unibrow, and he's like, listen, I'm not going to do it right. I'm going to look like Sariri did it, so he might as well have some professional do it with me. And he goes in. He's like six months old. Four, huge guy, and he sits there and lets them thread his eyebrows. Well, you know, I was the only dude in there at the time, and I was sitting there going, yeah, I'm fully aware that I am the only. I have seen men in there before, but I was the only guy in there, and I was like, oh, it's me and a bunch of cougar housewives. Hey, dude, it's Frankie. I do it all the time. I know you do. Yeah, well, my boyfriend was, like, the only guy ever, I think, embraced him. These ladies were looking at him like, who is this dude? And he had every woman in that place laughing. Hey, Janelle.

1:27:15Yes. This is Frankie, man. Hey, you know, let me tell you, Frankie. I do it all the time, man. I like to get a pedicure before I go work out. You know, because the ladies love it. Hey, you know, you'll be able to get the ladies like you don't even know. That's you telling me. I can't even. I got to, like, beat them off me. Well, you'll be beating something, honey. Oh, my God. There it is. Thanks. Thanks. Bye-bye. Thank you. M1 Enrique. Hi. How you doing? Good. How are you? Good. You got a pedicure where? I got it in Iraq. Me and my friend, there's this place hosted by the US, so you can just go over, get nails done, stuff like that. Get your hair, dude. Get your hair, dude. So in the middle of a war, we're getting pedicure. Yeah. Wow. Priorities. I don't feel so bad. Yeah, but those guys deserve it. What do I do? I'm on the radio. Big deal. That's great. Thank you. Those guys are going to wear those boots all the time and the socks. Yeah. They need it. I don't need it. What do I do? The thing is, though. We need her on the air tomorrow. No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have a bowl then. Elizabeth. Oh, yeah. You want to go find her? Blonde Elizabeth Woodsy's pedicure artist. Deputy dog. Man. She'll go sniff her out. We should have Jamie find her. No, I'm going to go home and take a nap. So I'm not going by the salon today. Oh, my gosh. I would do it, but I'm very mature. A pedicure?

1:28:42Of course you would. Sure. I've never even had a massage. How come? I don't know. That's not unmanly. Getting a massage? Massage is for everyone. Man. Seems a little gay. No, it's awful. Especially when you're by yourself and you request a man to do it. Like I did the first time I got a massage. Because I didn't want a woman to see my body naked. You got your little red-headed devil? I got a... No, tall. Not a little. You always remember the first one. He was a very tall guy. Red hair and red eyelashes. That makes my mouth water. He was tall. And I was embarrassed to let a woman see me because I was very overweight. I was pretty embarrassed, but it felt good. It was nice. She did a good job. He walked out and he took a look at me. He took one look at me. A guy requesting him. And then instantly, I saw, when I looked at him, I saw, oh no. He thinks I'm gay. Kevin, you have a client in room three that specifically requested you. No problem. What's her name? It says on here Miguel. I don't know. Maybe it's pronounced Michelle. I don't know. Maybe it's Michelle? Yeah. I could have written it down wrong. He comes out here acting a fool. I'm on Kung Fu.

1:30:07So he walks out into the little lobby waiting area and goes, confused, goes, Mike? Mike? And I stand up, all five, six of me, very chubby, in a little white robe. And I go, yes. That's me. Yeah, I'm right here. And he goes, how are you? How are you doing today? I'm doing good. So you, is this your first massage? Yes, it is. Nah. Are you staying with anybody here at the resort? Nope, I'm all by myself. Just a guy alone, naked in a robe. Just a couple of dudes. Just a couple of guys in a room. A couple of gals out of town. Yeah. So we walk into the massage room with a nice spa music on, overhead.

1:31:17I'm going to leave the room, and when I do, you go ahead and just face down in that little donut thing there, and you can leave your robe behind the door, and you can leave your sandals right there by the table. Were you nude? Yeah, Woods, I was nude. You were nude. You didn't wear any underwear? I wasn't wearing any. I don't get a massage with underwear. I'm nude. But they keep the sheet over. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To crawl under the sheet? What? You take your robe off, then you crawl. You crawl under the sheet. And then he comes back. And then he'll go. And you go. Yes. All finished. All done. All ready. All ready for you. And then he walks in. And he put those big red-headed, ham-sized, Abe Vigoda hot dog fingers. Oh, man. On my calf and squeezed. And as soon as he did, my butt clenched up. And I went, and I thought in my head, I went, I made a terrible decision. I made a terrible decision. And it was an hour of him putting, and then this, how about this? We have a choice in oils. Would you like lavender or sage or lemongrass?

1:32:46Which one's the straightest? What do the straight guys request? Yeah, what do straight guys request? Do you have motor oil? Do you have pencil? What if you were, instead of using oil, what if you were to use a Playboy magazine? Yeah. Do you have a... What about a woman's bra? Could you possibly massage me with a woman's bra since I'm very into those? I love those. Preferably worn. Worn. Smelling of Bed Bath & Beyond or Victoria's Secret lotion. Père glase. Père glase. Did you ask him to work your glutes? Oh my gosh. Is there any area of your body, Mike, that is sensitive? My inner thighs. What woods? My inner thighs. Yes, my private parts. Please don't touch them. Please. Please don't get anywhere near my private parts. Is there any area of your body that you'd like me to focus on? Yes, just my feet today, please. Just my heels, okay? Just the heels. Just the heels. I picture woodsy.

1:34:28opening up this old musty box and seeing his docking cassette tape there. Oh, I love it. Pulling it out and being like, oh yeah, firing you up. Mikey's show is myself, Woodsy, Lauren, Sienna, who is not here today, but may be here tomorrow or Thursday. She's going to visit. Not yet. She's going to visit. I want her to come in at four and do the news. She will be probably awake at 4, breastfeeding. Yeah, well. I'm sure. Maybe we ask her when she'll be back. Yeah, maybe she comes back. Oh, first question. Hi, when are you coming back? Hi, when are you coming back? You guys, stop it. See you, what, October 1? Is that plenty of time? How long do you go when you get a baby?

1:35:21It depends, Mike. You know, my mom. You don't pressure them. No, I know. I'm just asking. Isn't it okay to ask questions? I'm not saying it. I'm just asking. My mom had me on a Friday. Because I don't know. And was at work Monday. That's impossible. It's not. Get her on the phone. Swear. She had to. She was a single mom. Back then you had to be in the hospital for like three days. Nope. Well, Friday to Monday. How long does it take, Lauren? It's going to take her at the very minimum. Six to eight weeks. The very minimum, but she'll probably... She gets three months and she'll probably take most of it. No, guess again. Please say something different. Six to eight days. Six to eight days. If you're going to be breastfeeding... I do. Can't you pump bottles and keep bottles? No, stop it. You can't do that? Maybe we build a nursery. Done. We have Jay build a nursery. Done. Maybe you leave her alone, let her have time with her child. She could breastfeed in my area, and that'd be fine. Oh, my gosh. Weird. I mean, I'm, you know, willing to make that sacrifice. Gross. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. I'm just providing a service. It's actually one of the more disturbing things Jay said, and that's saying a lot. That's saying a lot. A lot. M1 Jordan? Yeah. What was the word of the day? Musty.

1:36:47You are on it, dude. Musty was the word of the day, and you won yourself $160 value. His and her sunglasses. Oh, two new pairs. There you go. You just won, bro. And if you got a girlfriend, she gets a pair, too. There you go. Your wife just got a pair, too. So hang on the line, okay? Don't give your girlfriend the pair, then. Yeah, do not give your girlfriend the sunglasses. Give them to your wife. Make sure the wife gets them. There you go. Everybody's doing bits today. I know it. I'll call her. My wife got me the coolest. She just got me some gifts yesterday. Yeah. She got me little mucho libre. What's his name? Nacho libre. Nacho. Nacho libre. Mucho. Mucho libre. She has little novelty gifts. Little novelty gifts. She got me Mexican wrestler little thumb covers. You just call them wrestlers.

1:37:50Of course, because I'm Mexican. And you put these little covers over your thumb and you arm wrestle people or thumb wrestle people and your tip of your thumb looks like it's got a little Mexican wrestler mask. And she also got me a book about poop. She sure did. She did. And it made me laugh so hard that I had to stop reading it because my stomach started to hurt. And she goes, oh, babe, don't look at it anymore. That's love, I tell you. Yeah. And then she got this really cool thing. It's like a little box with a bunch of topics in it. Gold. It's gold. It's pure gold. They're the Glen Gary topics. That's right. So we're not going to actually. I want to know where to go. I want the gold. They're in the box. Give me the gold. I want to take gold. Take the box. We're not going to have to have any more show meetings. Yeah. Which is amazing. Yeah. That's the topic. We'll never have to meet again. Done. Got it all right there.

1:38:51I'm going to mark that. Mike said that at 812. All right. Well, listen to this text that we got and see what you think about this. Call in 570-1949. Mikey, I've been wanting to text the show to see if anyone will have my back on this. I've been arguing with my wife a lot in regards to my son's football games. He's eight years old. Of course we go to every game, but it seems that every time I say anything to him or raise my voice at the game, she freaks out on me. His team is terrible, and they're terribly coached. What am I supposed to do? Not care that they're terrible? M1 Bradley. It's like the guy with the BB gun shooting his kid, making him work out in the back yard. For sure, right? No, it's not the same thing. It's not. Bradley, I've got your back.

1:39:52Yeah. FYI, Mikey. I don't think that he should. I don't like the yelling dad. Number 87, you suck. Yeah. I don't like the yelling dad. I coach my kids soccer and I send a letter out to all the parents. It's like, your job is to cheer. I don't want to hear Johnny get the ball or anybody else. It's like, hey, good job. That's all I want to hear out of your mouth. It's pretty discouraging when dad is like yelling at you. Oh. To get the ball. It's embarrassing. I hadn't thought of that. I should get the ball? Oh, yeah, exactly, Jay. It's like, oh, dad, hey, thanks. You know what? Until you screamed. I didn't get it. I didn't understand that that was a small forward and I should have been moving the other direction. But I will say, when I was little and I played soccer. I listen to what my dad said more than the coach did. Because the coach was just like a nice guy that had his afternoons off and everything. And my dad was more athletic and knew more about it. So I was listening to him. Maybe he should do that when he's out with just you and him on the field. He was helping me. I was scoring goals. So every single kid's parent is going to be out there yelling for their kid to go do something different.

1:41:08And maybe he coaches the team he's so good at. He can only be there on weekends. He has five kids to provide for. So this sounds like this guy is like, here's what he's mad about. He's mad because they stink and they're losing. And I think his wife's giving him the business like, what do you want to teach him to be losers? You can control your temper, but I think there's nothing wrong with telling your kid what to do on the sidelines. And instilling in him a desire to win. Okay, wait. I will give you this. I think that there's a difference between, you know, I can't think of anything that you would say that would be instructional. Can you help me? Yeah, like in football, you know, hey, when you drop back, you know, make sure you get your elbow up before you throw the ball. Make sure you keep your eyes downfield. I wouldn't have a problem with this. Hey, Jakey.

1:42:02Don't forget, keep that arm up, buddy. Keep your arm up. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. What about, hey, get open, get around him. You know what the difference is, though? I hadn't thought of that. One's encouraging. They don't think of that. Hang on, hang on, hang on. One's encouraging, and one is yelling at. Okay, because there's also this guy. Hey, what did I teach you about the arm? Get your freaking arm off. Yeah. You know better, Nat. There's dads like that. Pull your head out. That's really extreme. My favorite is run. Wow. Run. We had to learn that. Run to the ball. It's like, really? Dad, I prefer to skip. Dad, I don't know about that whole run thing. So, Jay, you coach now. Right. I've coached all my kids all the way up until they played competitive. Right. So. Are you the kind of coach that likes to win, or do you want them to have fun? At this age, it's not about winning. It's about learning the fundamentals of the game. Okay. Learning the fundamentals, right. Yeah, there's a lot of time for winning later on. Okay, okay. And especially if I'm not able to draft my kids. Right. You get who they give you. I get who they give me. So I got a kid who's more concerned with pulling his tooth out. He's standing there going, I'm like, hey. I coach Little League Baseball, and it was the same thing. We got who they gave us, and the guy that I was helping coach is like, listen, Woods, I'm going to tell you.

1:43:17We got the worst team out here. There's no question. I've had that team. And we lost like eight games in a row, and I started working with this kid, and he was turning into a really good pitcher. He pitched a complete game, like two-hitter. And I felt like I was on top of the world. King Kong. And it's not even my kids. You're Tony La Russa. It's going to be really hard for me when I have kids to not want to live vicariously through them. And you're competitive, so you're going to teach them to be competitive, whether they're 4 or they're 40. I took it so hard when I first started coaching. When I coached Maddie's team, I wanted to win so bad. I was like, oh, we're going to win. And I got out there, and it made me miserable. I wanted to quit. And then I thought about it for a minute. I was like, you know, really what I'm doing is I'm spending time with my kid. I'm teaching them what they need to do, and then moving on from that. Yeah, any parent that gets out of control, I just turn around and look at them now, and they go. Okay, Jay must be quiet. Jay's mad. Well, you guys know that you've heard the dad that's screaming, get your head out. Oh, yeah. You've heard it. Wake up! Yeah, we've seen it a million times. And it's because the dad is a little overzealous. There's definitely, you know, it's a fine line between cheering. Man, and it goes so far even into our men's league games. I mean, we're still super competitive guys.

1:44:36The helmets still get thrown, the umpires still get yelled at. We're grown-up little kids. Grown-up little kids, man, period. And it comes from that spot of like, I was talking to my coach, our manager, last night, and he goes, you know, Woodsy, he goes, what's fun for me is winning ballgames. And I go, exactly, exactly. Like, yeah, I'd love to see everybody get a turn and stuff, but I like to win too, you know? I want a W at the end of the day. I don't go out there for exercise, but I go out there to play fun. 570-1949. Tell us what you think. Yeah, I would be the dad that would wait until the game's over and then talk about it. With your kid at home. The kid. Yeah. You know? Yeah, if Jake wanted to play soccer and you... where you went to the game, and Jake was just kind of standing around, just kind of kicking the dirt, and he wasn't running, and he wasn't, like, participating. Wouldn't that bother you? Yeah, I'd say something. Yeah. Yeah. Of course you would. I would. And at that age, they need to sometimes be told that. Yeah. You can usually tell there's, like, there's always, like, that one, like, prodigy kid that just is born athletic and just knows intuitively the game. Yeah. But kids don't know. Get open. Get around and put your hands up. And I think that that.

1:45:52what you just talked about right there, that is not a skill lesson. Right. That's a character lesson. Character, attitude. Character and attitude. Competitiveness, all that stuff. And I believe that when it comes to character, you have to be as forceful as you can be. Yeah, okay, I'll give you an example. Yesterday, we were at a public swimming pool with Jake, and he was in there with his little vest. Floaty vest. Floaty vest. And he was by the stairs. And there was this woman with her two kids that were about his age. And she said, all right, guys, let's get in. And Jake went, no, no, no. No, can't do that, pal. No, that ain't happening. No. He didn't want them getting in his space. He didn't want them getting in his space. And I've never seen him do that. And I went, Jake, no, buddy, no, no. And he didn't care. You could tell that he didn't care that I said that. And I said, say you're sorry, buddy. And he said, no. So I got up. I got up. I walked over to where he was. I grabbed him by the bicep forcefully and yanked him over to me. And I said, buddy, you don't ever, ever do that. And he looked at me with half. I still don't care.

1:47:21Half. There was half, hmm, this is kind of serious. Half fear. Yeah. And the other half was, but you know what? I'm in the water and he ain't getting in here. Yeah. And I'm being serious. That was the other half of his look. He's smart. Yeah. The other half was, he's a fat guy with a goatee and an iPhone in his pocket. He's not getting, I mean, what's he going to do? And a girdle on. What is my girdled father? gonna do and so I pulled him closer and I said you say you're sorry now that was it and he said he not only say sorry he wanted to go over there on his own initiative he wanted to go over on his own initiative the good kid yeah good kid but that's a character thing you don't talk to people that way and you don't treat people that way and I want that lesson to be remembered and you know I think part of me like I always think about this and Jamie makes a joke all the time that I'm gonna be the dad that's like flipping chairs you know and like I really I think that I'll be able to control myself but I think I will be more like Mike and when we get home say hey listen if you're not gonna give give it the effort

1:48:36that it deserves, respect the game enough to give it the effort, then we shouldn't be playing. And that's a good life lesson. Why is that funny? I know you're seven, but I want you to respect the game, sir. Damn straight. Absolutely. Did you teach your kids to respect you when they were little? Oh, absolutely. Why can't I teach them to respect the game I love? Because a game, by definition, is fun. To have Woodsy's back on that one, I think that that's a life lesson that transcends sports. Respect the game. Okay, respect the money that I took my checkbook out, wrote a check for $70 to get you on the soccer team. I bought you new cleats. You got your jersey. You got everything you need, right? Respect the game enough to go out and at least try. And I think another way of saying that is to say don't half-butt it. Yeah, don't do it halfway. Here's what you need to do. If you want your kid to be good at the game. you've got to actually take him out and practice yourself. If you want him to respect the game, you can't bring him and drop him off to me for an hour once a week and expect for him to be good. The kids that you talk about are the prodigies, have brothers, have fathers that take him out three or four days a week and kick the ball or hit the ball or whatever. I agree with that. I'm in full agreement, too. My example is the kid standing out on the field twiddling his thumbs and going, hey, buddy.

1:49:51It doesn't look good when you're the only guy on your team that's not trying. I wish I could find a way to get those guys inspired. It's insane. M1 Tony, are you there? Yes, I am. What's up, Tony? Hey, I am all over this, Mike. I was actually a regional commissioner for AYSL here in Carlsbad for the last four or five years here. I also have been coaching for eight years, and I now have my daughters in competitive soccer, and I coach in the Matrix division. I mean, Jay, I know everything you guys are talking about. I've been through it. I've been the parent that wanted my kid to be the best. And my older daughter, who's a fairly decent player, we played competitive last year, she decided it wasn't for her. My middle daughter is the prodigy. She watched her, came up, played. She'll stand in the hallway and juggle the ball. The girl's awesome. I mean, it's so weird because you can have parents that are... So over the top, though, because every kid thinks their kid is like Mia Hamm or Landon Donovan, right? So what do you think about it then, Tony? Do you think that it's okay for the dads to yell at the kids while they're out there? Absolutely not. And here's the reason why. Because it basically takes all the power away from the coach. You're standing there trying to coach it.

1:51:00And everybody else is trying to undermine what you're doing. I've had people tell them to do something while I'm telling them to do the opposite. I'm like, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Well, the coolest thing when I coached Little League is our head coach had a son on the team. And he goes, listen, you Woods are game day coach because you don't have any kids on this team. So he said, and all the parents, it was so cool. They came to me and they go, listen. Do what you got to do. Drop the hammer on them. Make them better baseball players. I was like, my pleasure. I wasn't playing daddy ball, you know, starting my kid at shortstop, batting him clean up. I could do whatever I wanted. It was kind of cool. M1 Bear, are you there? Yes, I am. Good morning, guys. How are you all doing? Good, man. Okay. One of the things that I just wanted to bring up, I played basketball and soccer all throughout high school, and no matter what, from that point until now, I could not stand something. And that was whenever... You would see kids, you know, either playing, you know, in a game or in a tournament, you know, whatever, but everybody's always encouraging to them, oh, it's okay, you know, you did your best, that's all that matters. And to a certain degree, I agree with that, but I can't say, I cannot stand it whenever they say, well, everybody's a winner.

1:52:12That's not true. Everybody gets a trophy. That's not true, and that's not what's going to end up playing later in life. I agree with that 100%. You need to learn that. Yes, I agree. And learn to accept losing, too. It's just as important as learning how to be a gracious winner. Absolutely. And one of the things my coaches always say is you can actually learn more from losing. You learn more about yourself from losing than you do winning. Okay, you won. We know we didn't need to do anything different. We know we didn't need to improve anything. You lost. Oh, great. I just learned something. I learned I need to do this better. I need to do this. I need to do this. And to a certain degree, I can understand where a parent might interject, you know, and come in on their child on that, but not from the, you know, pull your head out of, you know, your keyboard. Right. Hey, Bear, thank you for the call, man. I appreciate it. I think Bill Maher got people fired up real good on the Tonight Show last night when he was talking about Ground Zero Mosque. Oh boy. Wait till you hear this audio. This is going to fire you up. It's next. Am I going crazy? What's the deal? Maybe it's Inception. It's all a dream. Maybe it is. If it's all a dream, I'm going to go and take a nap. You guys know that John Mayer quit his Twitter? Drag. What a quitter. What a quitter, right? I love this song.

1:54:35I'm sorry. I get pedicures and I like this song. I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with liking a song that you like. There's nothing wrong unless the song sucks. The song's great. You don't believe this song sucks, do you, L.O.B.? Yes. Why does it suck? Because 95% of John Mayer's songs suck. I agree, but I love this song. Okay, but why does this song suck? You don't like the sound of his voice. I don't like what he says. If you want more love, L.O.B., why don't you say so? Yeah, I don't like the lyrics. I don't like the melody. I don't like the way he drags his voice out. I don't like the lyrics either, but I sure do love the way it sounds. Me too. You know what it sounds like? I like the lyrics too. I don't like the little teleprompter or whatever that noise is. I love that. I love that. In the background with Morse code. Oh, I do too. I do too. I don't like anything about it. I love it. To me, this is the equivalent of... being really, really sore and getting in a jacuzzi that's really, really warm and those jets are shooting on my back. I realize now I'm 35. I'm getting old. I live in the suburbs. I have two refrigerators. I listen to John Mayer. I'm like an old dude. I like his song with Taylor Swift. If liking this is getting old, I'm fine with it. I'm fine getting old. Yeah, I'm driving around jamming John Mayer. I love this song. My wife's like, really?

1:56:03You know what I think about it? I wonder if this is a deal. I feel like I've had some turds happen in my life. Me too. And sometimes when I hear music like this, I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to think about the turds right now. Yeah. This is relaxing to me. And relaxation is a commodity I don't have a lot of. And so this is okay by me. This makes you relaxed. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah. It's so soothing. driving on the PCH, and the sun's going down, and it's warm air outside, and it smells good, sunroofed down, smells like summertime. He says that there's more productive things he could be doing with his time. I did a similar thing. I took a little hiatus on Facebook. Yeah, I am right now. I am right now on Facebook with my personal page. I'm not. I'm fully addicted. Yeah.

1:57:08Listen, I enjoy it, and I miss it. I'll be honest with you. You miss it? I do miss it. I really do. I get some cool stuff on there, man. I get people sending me cool links to bands and movies and stuff I may like. I miss all that, but I had to. I couldn't turn off the email messages. I couldn't turn it off. Can you not? Those drive me nuts. You can turn off the alerts. But people can still send you. They can still send you an email message. And for me, it got to be overwhelming. Yeah, that's how I feel right now. Yeah, because I have, it was about the third or fourth type of emails that I get. Yep, that's exactly how I feel. And it was overwhelming. And it got to a point where I wasn't able to have any time for me. And I wouldn't have, if I were to tend to it, I was. A, I wasn't going to be able to serve the people that were writing. And B, I wasn't going to be able to serve my wife and my kids. And it was too much. It was overwhelming. And I miss it. I miss the interaction of my first personal Facebook page. But I had to disable it for a while. And I've had people write me and say, did you drop me as a friend? No, I didn't. I just had to disable my Facebook page.

1:58:27I wish that you could disable the messaging feature. Yeah. Because I'm the same way. I'm like, I got a couple different email. I've got like four different email addresses. If you can't work, email addresses. And then that, it's like, oh. It's a lot. It's a lot to keep up with. Yeah. I mean, I have a bookmark thing in my computer where I just go bookmark to bookmark and answer all the questions and everything I try to do. It's a lot. It's a lot of work. But, you know, I mean. But it's a time consumer. It doesn't bother me so much. So Bill Maher, who I've interviewed before, We have very different takes. Yeah. I think so. We have very different takes. Bill Maher was on Jay Leno and said this last night.

1:59:09This mosque, this Islamic center near Ground Zero? Oh, yes. Well, we just had 9-11, so it's in the news. All right. Well, if you want me to talk about this, let me get it all out, because I've gotten into trouble talking about this subject before, so I want to get all my points. My first point about that would be I am against a mosque at Ground Zero. I said, let me get it out. I am also against a mosque anywhere. I'm against a church anywhere. or a hindu temple or a synagogue see there are people he got a little bit of applause for that you could you know because i'm gauging the applause yeah based on what he says i'm gauging the applause to see well how many people in this room which by the way is not necessarily a scientific information gathering thing by counting the noses in the room i'm just listening to the applause to see what they thought like this out there who understand these are houses of worship

2:00:10to retell nonsense stories from a time before men understood what a germ or an atom was or where the sun went at night. They try to telepathically communicate with their imaginary friend. These are places that fleece people and scare people and they perpetuate mass delusion. We shouldn't build any of them. Now, you can see... You know, I've talked to Bill Maher before, so I know his bit. His bit is, you know, he did a movie called Religiosity, I think it's called. I've heard of it. A documentary. And, you know, it's just bashing any religion of any kind. But he went on. These are places that fleece people and scare people, and they perpetuate mass delusion. We shouldn't build any of them. But... That being said. That being said. Let me finish. Right. But I'm not wrong. But we're going to, you know, people are going to still. I hope not, Bill. I hope you're not wrong. Because I believe that it takes more faith for you to be an atheist. Because the truth is, is that if I'm wrong as a Christian, eh, a big whoop. If you're wrong as an atheist, you spend eternity in torment. That, to me, takes more faith. I mean, if.

2:01:38Again, if I'm wrong, nothing. It's a great point. If you're wrong, eternal torment. One of us has to be right. One of us has to be wrong. Build houses of worship. So they should be able to build them anywhere. There's a thing in this country called the First Amendment. And if somebody ever read it to Sarah Palin, she would understand. That you're supposed to be allowed to worship whatever fairy tale you want to, wherever you want to. That's why we have churches and mosques and synagogues and Utah. And any religion should be able to do that just because there are some people in the religion who are violent, anti-Semitic, and hate women. Mel Gibson is allowed to build a church, so should Islam. speaker and so sgnt sounds good not true let me explain because i i bill maher fascinates me he's a fascinating guy bill maher believes that religious thought is a psychological thing that the reason that we believe in a fairy tale god is psychological now give me two minutes on this i want to examine give me two minutes on this

2:03:03There's a few different ways that the atheist goes with the psychological impairment that is the believer, okay? And it's based on a few different things. One is anthropological, meaning that we, as a human race, tend to have a God that looks like us. If you go to the Aborigines in Australia, tends to look like an Aborigine, their God. If you go to the Eskimos, their deity happens to look like Eskimos. Makes sense. Makes sense. So they go, you know, so really when you look at this, it's a psychological. Everybody kind of creates a God that looks like them. Then another one of the arguments that you'll hear is economical. You ever heard this argument? You know, that whole God thing was created to keep the lower class down and at bay. You see, if they could create an environment where you had to be good boys and girls, you wouldn't revolt and take over the rich people that were in class, you know, the ruling class at the time. And then the third one that you will hear and that Bill Maher likes is the natural argument. And what that one is, that one says that we as human beings are vulnerable.

2:04:36to nature. We're vulnerable to hurricanes. We're vulnerable to earthquakes. We're vulnerable to all of these extraordinary acts of nature. And so because we want to appease a God that can maybe help us out with these things, we create it. It's all a psychological deal. Consider this. In a court of law, let's say you got a court of law, okay? In order to convict somebody, you have to have Well, first of all, you have to have motive. You have to have means. And you have to have opportunity. Okay? In order to convict somebody or something. But the thing is, is that even if you have all of those things, you can still be innocent. And so I have to give Bill Maher this. Bill, you're right. I do.

2:05:42want to have a reason for these hurricanes. You're right. My God does resemble humans. You're right about these things. I can't deny that. The only thing is, and this was the point that I wanted to make the bill, Mar, last time we spoke, but we didn't have enough time. The only thing is, is that as much as there is a psychological need for me to create a God, There is also for him a psychological need to deny him. And here's what I mean by that. If I'm right and there is a God that ultimately makes you accountable for the things that you do that are wrong, you're in bad shape, Bill. You're in bad shape. So it seems to me that you would have every psychological motivation in the world to go, that don't exist.

2:06:46So we're both driven by a psychological need if we're talking about psychological needs. I mean, one way or another, you got to be accountable in my world. In your world, you don't. But I'll tell you what, if I'm a betting man, I'd rather be on the side of eternal salvation. He goes, no, you're wrong. Okay, well, I hope you're right because that's a pretty big coin to flip. Dude, I hope you're right. Right? Right. I mean, hey, listen, dude, if you're right, Bill, I'm just worm food. Yeah. Dust. Well, whatever. I mean, there's a great book. If you're an atheist and you've ever considered it and you go, well, I need more. I need something empirical. I need something I can really see. I need science. There's a great book called I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. And it's really good. And it's science.

2:07:49I mean, what you're going to get is a lot of scientific stuff. Bill Maher's an interesting guy. I wish that the last time we talked, we had more time because we only had like five minutes. And so we can only hit on a couple of the points. It was fun, but we just didn't have time to break it all down. And he's as serious about his faith or lack of faith as I am. Well, that's the thing, Mike, that's always it's pretty impressive that, you know, you've. It's not like you go in there half cocked. I mean, you know, you've done your research and you kind of know what those guys stand for. And you've read books that, you know, that that explain some of those things, too. That's my passion, man. I mean, yeah, it's my passion. I love that stuff. I love that stuff. And, you know, I say this respectfully. I mean, none of this is I say all of this respectfully. I mean, I enjoy the but see, this is the thing.

2:08:47The most compelling thing that I have as an argument more than anything else is a changed life from the most selfish person you can imagine. That's me. Walking proof. Yeah. I mean, nobody can refute that. That, you know, crazy stuff happened with me. What would he say that is? Luck? You just did it. Yeah, you just did it. You know, you just changed. You just, you know, and I'm telling you, man, I was a selfish. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, just mean, mean, nasty, didn't care about anything or anybody and changed into somebody that genuinely has love and care and compassion and cares about hurting someone. You know, if I've hurt somebody, I care about it and I'm sorry and I don't want to. And, you know, and that's not me. That's not the way I'm wired. I was wired to be an a-hole.

2:09:49And I have always, up until meeting Jesus, was an a-hole. And basically every motivation that I had was selfish. Even when it was good. Even when I had a nice thing that I did for somebody, there was a little something in it for me. That was just the way that I was wired. 570-194-9. M1 Micah. Hey, how's it going? Good. Well, I was listening. I only caught part of that because I've been holding on. But the part that kind of struck me that you said was, well, either you're right or he's right. And your argument kind of disturbed me because it seemed like you were doing it more because you're afraid of going to some sort of proverbial hell. I am. Well, I think that you should be religious.

2:10:52for the, you know, just for the, you know, the teachings of Jesus to love each other and, you know, whatnot. But you got to understand, Micah, that wasn't the only thing that he taught. That's definitely a very, very big thing that he taught was to love. But it wasn't the only thing that he taught. In fact, Jesus talked more about hell than anyone else. And you're right, Micah. I'm afraid of it. I'm definitely afraid of it. I read this book in, you know, fiction, nonfiction. I don't know what it was. I read this book from a woman who believed that she had a divine revelation of hell. It's one of the most terrifying things I've ever read. A divine revelation of hell. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever read. And yeah, you're 100% right, Micah. It does. It does concern me to the point where. I wanted to know about it. And I don't think that's something that embarrasses you. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I feel like, just for me personally, I don't know what, but I think that if I am a good person and I treat my fellow man the way that I want to be treated, that should be enough. You know, the deal, though, Micah, is that none of us, and I don't, and I mean, you know, let me ask you this.

2:12:20Who's the most who in your mind, who is like the best person you can think of? And I mean, somebody that we would all know, not somebody that, you know, personally, but somebody that we don't. Yeah. But but I mean, somebody that we all would know of Mother Teresa. OK. Or Gandhi. Right. Now, here's what I'm here's what I what I want to tell you is that even Mother Teresa was not. completely good. Now, did that mean that she had, does that mean that she didn't have good qualities? No, she had great qualities. In fact, she did more for our fellow man than I ever have. Yes. You know, and so in comparison to you and me, Mother Teresa, yeah, good. But she was not perfect. Well, no one's perfect. No one is perfect. I think that just as long as we try,

2:13:29No, no, no, no, no. Hang on, Micah. Hang on, Micah. I got to stop you there. And this is so important because right now, to me, this is the equivalent of a truck bearing down on you. And I got to tell you this so that that truck doesn't smack you and kill you because I love you. And you're a listener of mine. And I want you to know this. If you say to yourself, hey, listen, nobody's good, but as long as we're basically good, blah, blah, blah. I'll be fine. I need you to know, because like Woodsy said, I've done the research and all that stuff, and I've read the Bible, and I've read it and all that. God doesn't grade on a bell curve. He says complete and utter holiness. Hold on. Hold on, Micah. Don't trip out. Don't trip out. No, I'm not going to trip out. Hang on. Hang on. None of us are capable of complete holiness. Not me, not you, not Mother Teresa. No one, okay?

2:14:31And so that's why he says, it's just like if you broke the law and you got to go in front of a judge and the judge goes, all right, let me see your case here. We've got the case of Micah. It's like you were speeding. You were going 75 and a 25. What do you have to say for yourself, Micah? And you're like, it's like I had to get to work on time, pal. And he goes, okay. Well, the penalty, the penalty is, he says, the penalty is a $5,000 fine. And you reach in your back pocket and you pull your wallet out and you go, well, I got five bucks. He says, okay, well, you know, if you can't pay the fine, you got to go to jail. But then, but then, hang on a minute. Somebody steps in and they say, hey, hey, hey, I'll pay his $5,000 fine. That is Jesus. He pays the fine. He did pay the fine. He did pay the fine. All you, all you gots to do is go, you're the man, Jesus. I'm going to follow you. That's it. That's it. That's it. You don't have to be perfect. You're going to sin. You're going to be bad. You're going to be a bad dude. I do bad stuff every day. I ain't perfect. I'm not perfect. But what I do is I put my faith and my trust in Jesus to be that guy that pays that fine for me because I can't afford it. Without him, I'm done. Without him, I'm toast. Without him, I am going to that place.

2:16:03I need them. And I'm telling you how I, you know, I'm telling you what it says. I'm telling you what it says in there. You know, a lot of people will go, well, as long as I'm a good person, well, that's something they've thought up for themselves. And it sounds good, but it's SG&T. Sounds good. Not true. So, you know, and I don't want you to believe something that's SG&T. Sounds good. Not true. I want to tell you what the deal is. Okay. Yes. And I'm telling you that because I love you, Mike, and you're a listener, Mike. I love you, too. And you know this, man. It ain't very often that I do a whole, what are we, 15 minutes on this? Yes. Yeah, no, no, seriously. But, hey, listen, I can't make an apology for it. I'll tell you why. And I don't apologize. I never want anybody to apologize for their religion. Thank you, bro. I just feel for myself because we are not perfect. I would never speed to work because it really sucks anyway. But for myself, I would, you know what? I did it. You know, I did the best that I could under the circumstances. I never want to hurt anyone. I never want to hurt myself. And if I do, I am the first to apologize and try and make amends. Wait a minute, though. Wait a minute, though. The judge that you're going to be seeing.

2:17:26remember that this judge that you're going to be seeing, he knows the real deal. And so he's going to go, but Micah, remember that time you said that thing to that dude and you meant it, you were, you were pissed. Yeah. You wanted to get over on that guy. Remember that? And you're going to go, Oh yeah, there was that time. Yeah. And he's going to go, well, what about this time? And he's named about 5,000 times. And you're going to go, yeah, they're what? But, but, but, but wait a minute. You're going to go, but my friends, they did way worse than me. Well, it's not a bell curve. I'd be there with me partying it up in hell. Hell ain't a party though, bro. Hell ain't a party. Hell ain't a party. It ain't Marilyn Manson going, oh, I'm going to be the king of this place. You know, it ain't that. It ain't that. But listen, thank you. And one last thing on this, because a lot of people know I don't do 15 minutes on this stuff. However, imagine this. Imagine the biggest thing in your life and you do a radio show and you rarely talk about it. I know. But it is the biggest thing in your life. No question. You hear how fired up I am? Because I love it. I love talking about it. It's a passion of mine to the point where I've thought about just having a podcast that I do.

2:18:45where I'm able to do that stuff because I do enjoy it. I love it. It's fun. It's fun for me. But I don't talk about it very often because that's not really what we do. It isn't what we do. But again, imagine if jogging were your passion. It's what you live, breathe, eat, everything. It's always on your mind. And you do a radio show and... Four minutes at the end of the show on Friday, you talk about jogging. That's kind of where I am with it. You know, I don't really talk about it that much. You know, I mentioned, but I don't really go into it. So I hope people are just kind of like cool that I did 15 minutes because Bill Maher was on the news for doing his bit on The Tonight Show. And I've talked to Bill about it before. And so hopefully people are like, all right, we'll give you that. And hopefully you still love me. And you got to think of it like this. If you're an M1, we're friends. And you just got to know your friend Mike, he's super into this stuff, man. And hopefully you still love him and you still want to hang. We'll be back. Maybe not traditionally the best singer in the world, but for whatever reason, his voice is pleasing to my ear. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren. Rocking out over here. Just rocking the free world. Just rocking the free world.

2:21:01Sienna is on maternity leave and Jay's in the next room. The text messages on my 15 minutes are mixed. Weird. Yeah. Some people dig it and some people don't. And I will, you know, tell the people that don't like it that I, you know, it's not meant to offend in any way. It's just, man, it's just something I really love talking about. But I don't talk about very often. But I enjoy it. And I think it's fun and interesting and I like it. So let's talk about Justin Bieber now. Yeah. Right? Good transition. How about FM 94.9's 8th Anniversary Bash? Yeah. Which is going on November 13th, Saturday night, 4th and B. Hold Steady. Night Marchers, New Politics. 26 bucks. Yeah. Not a bad price. Not at all. And you're in like Flint.

2:22:03I'll be there. Yeah, you will. I'll be out of town. Great. I'll be obviously supplying the beer and wine for the Hold Steady. Oh, boy. Getting the rider together real good. Putting together the rider. Should we get to put the rider together? Oh, Mikey. The morning show. Mikey, I have an idea for you. I wish I could go, but I'll be at another wedding. Cross-country wedding. It's just one of those years. It'll be my first. Oh, yeah, I'm going to everyone's second weddings now. It's a real treat. It's a real treat. How many of those do you have weddings? This will be my... 48th, right? This will be my... It'll actually be my second, second wedding of the year. But I've had to do all the bachelor parties and all that other bit with it, too. The shenanigans. Maybe just hand me a bill for five grand. You know? Call it a day. Call it a day. Do you have the Poway Pledge of Allegiance thing? Yeah, you know I do. Let me take a look at that. Because apparently...

2:23:04This is causing a big uproar right now in Poway. It's a new policy, and it's at a middle school in Poway, and apparently a lot of parents are upset about it. They're complaining to the school board tonight about how the pledge is being handled. Apparently the kids are being told over the public address system that it's time for the pledge, and for those who, quote, wish to participate please stand others please stand or sit quietly and uh this has a lot of people upset no child must participate in the pledge of allegiance under california law um to me it's just weird to me it's weird people are upset because they don't have to do it or because they're even being asked to do it

2:24:13From what I gathered, we're teaching kids apathy by telling them, hey, you don't have to stand up and salute your country. But they can't by law, right? Feel free to sit if you'd like to. I don't know, man. I just wonder. I'm like, I wonder what our founding fathers would think of that, of the announcement coming on going, if you don't want to do the Pledge of Allegiance because we live in 2010 in a politically correct society. You don't have to. You can just sit there quietly and stand out as being somebody who did something different. We all did the pledge, did we not? Yeah, I like the pledge. I like America. I like America too. Big fan. I'm a big fan. Is it because of the separation between church and state that California law even said that in the first place? I don't know. I didn't know that that was a California law. I don't know. No child. What is the law? No child is required to participate in the Pledge of Allegiance. They should just do it as they did it. And if somebody sits it out, they can't be reprimanded. Yeah. I mean, we go, whatever. But you know what the deal is? This isn't about sixth grade kids. It's about sixth grade kids' parents. It wasn't a sixth grader that went, you know, I just, I don't, I'm not feeling America. You know what?

2:25:38I feel like Denmark is much better. Does anybody even know what the insurance premiums are in this country? In France, no. You know what it was? It was a mom or dad who took this on. I think it actually did start with a kid years ago, a kid that refused to do it because he said, you know, it says under God. Whatever. He should have been able to sit down if he wanted to. They had kids at my school that did stuff like that. Yeah, clowns. Just do it. If they tell you to stand or sit, what are you going to do? You're going to sit and be a jerk. Sit there, Tom. Have a seat, pal. I don't remember doing it in high school and stuff, but I remember in elementary school being really excited to do it. Oh, dude, nothing better than standing up. To the flag, the United States of America. I would try to stand as straight as I could. I used to try to stand as straight as I possibly could. You did? Yeah. Is that the way you learned it? I don't know why.

2:26:51I think maybe. I just remember looking around being like, I'm taller than her. I'm straighter than him. Just being like. Just competing real good. Competing already? Already. That's great. Yeah. I don't know. I'm still the guy that gets misty-eyed at the Star-Spangled Banner. Oh, yeah. Me too. Every time. If I'm at a live sporting event and I stand there and I look at the flag. I'm not a military guy, you know? But I stand there and I look at the flag. They play the song. Bam every time every single time be thankful for what you have because if you're not one day just disappear easy T-Pain 570-194-9 this stuff man I know can't do anything I know it that's the that's what I feel like somebody's gonna be offended it's the it's the Society for a soda-free environment. We're vanilla world, man, these days. It's just everything is vanilla. Yes. Can't do this. Can't say that. Can't do this. Can't do that. Can offend somebody. Don't offend this and don't offend that. I'm scared to death. Every day I walk into this office, I'm scared to death of who I'm going to offend. Well, we're going to offend someone every day, each and every one of us in some way. There's no way to get around it. Everyone has their own opinions. You know what's funny about it? I say this, yet.

2:28:16I still, we're driving this weekend, and my brother goes, we were talking about somebody in the news, and my brother Steve goes, is she Oriental? And I go, dude, dude, don't you know Oriental is a rug? They're Asian. I'm like in my head to myself, really dude? Ten years ago they were called Oriental. Was there an actual mimeograph that went out? An actual memo that went out, and you went to your mailbox that day, and you opened your mailbox. It was addressed to you, and in the return area, it said, memo about the word Oriental. And you're like, what is this? Honey. I'm sorry. I said Oriental Market one time, and I got 20 emails. Oh, yeah. But it is a market. It's still a market. Let me see what this is, babe. Dear Mr. Esparza. This letter is to keep you in compliance with the latest up-to-date strategic implementation of the word Oriental. As of today, April 5th, 1996, we will no longer as a society use the term Oriental to describe somebody of Asian, babe? It says Asian.

2:29:56From this point forward, please refer to all friends from the nation of Laos, Vietnam, the Philippines, China, Japan, as Asian. Failure to do so will result in ridicule, putting down, and being called... Babe. Being called insensitive, it says. You also may get a barrage of emails to your personal inbox. Does it deputize you to at the same time that you can enforce this law to other people that may use the word? Yes, you are now deputized. Here's a badge. Yeah, and it has like a Asian badge. Wow. And it says that if anybody around you uses the word Oriental, you can, as an acting deputy, say to them, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy, easy. It's Asian. It's a bit politically correct, isn't it? A little bit. I don't know. It was never a derogatory term, I don't think. Well, it's the Orient. It doesn't correctly describe. Doesn't correctly describe. From now on, you guys have to call me a Texan. I'm a Texan. From now on. That's where I was born. If you refer to me, I'm a Mexican-American. Yep. I'm a Texan. I'm not Mexican.

2:31:23born, how dare you, in Mexico. I'm a Dallasite. You're Dallasite. That's where I was born. Yeah, you're Dallasite. I don't want to be referred to as white anymore. I'm going to be tan. I'm Caucasian. Caucasian. No, I'm just tan. Every black guy that's ever called this show that's identified himself as a black guy has referred to himself as a black guy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there may be some guys that are like, excuse me, but I am an African American. I still am really, I'm confused onto the stance of that. He's a black guy. I know, but does anybody prefer African-American? I'm not confused. Are there organizations out there that want you to say that? Listen, I'm not confused that you are from Tennessee and not Mumbai. So the adding of the word American simply isn't necessary for me.

2:32:22Yeah, and you're not going to call them African. I'm not going to call you African. Because you're not from Africa. Right. You can call me an American because I'm from America. I was born here. Yeah, you're an American. Exactly. You happen to be a black guy. I know. I'm so confused. I'm an American. I happen to be Mexican. Irish, Polish, English, maybe a little bit Italian-American, and I'd prefer to be called that. All of the above. All of them. Yeah. We just got a text message that says, by the way, Filipinos are Pacific Islanders, not Asians. I'm sorry. You can get that straight from this point forward, Mike. I'm sorry. I'm going to send you a badge and I'm going to deputize you with that as well. I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry. Kills me. You do what you can. You know? Just T-Pain real good. Can you imagine what guys that were on aircraft carriers in 1945 would think about the whole thing? What? Yeah, exactly. Blasting Chesterfield cigs with no filter. And I'm not talking about racist dudes. I'm just talking about guys that were, you know. Men's men. Men's men. Yeah. Before they got, you know, when the only thing that was important to them was taking care of their family, putting a roof over their head, keeping clothes on their back, food on the table. Yeah. And again, I'm not talking about bigots. No, not bigots or racists. Yeah, because bigots and racists are bad no matter what era you live in. Bigots and racists are bad. Now, then, whatever.

2:33:49I'm just saying. Yeah, but that started the wheel in motion for sure. It started the wheels in motion all the, you know, because my dad had a mouth on him that I was just growing up. I was just like, gosh, dad, you know. Well, yeah, I mean. That's not right, you know. Was he racist? He said some pretty racist things growing up for sure. Now, if he did, that's one thing, okay, but. But he didn't. You're going to kill the guy because he says Oriental. You know what I mean? Or a black guy. And he evolved. I mean, and I'm not saying he was right, but he definitely changed his lingo as times change because he was, you know, I guess, and I'm not saying it's right, but all his friends, that's the way they talked. And, you know, and it was like growing up through it, I was just like, what in the world is dad talking about? But, you know, finally he kind of came around. Well, as much as we are PC and you have to be careful, I'm not speaking from the perspective of minority, obviously, blonde hair, blue eyes, white girl. It's a better... Caucasian. Caucasian, sorry. Caucasian American. It's a better world now to live in than 1945 if you are a minority. Absolutely. So... Well, yeah. Sure. You gotta be. And I'm all for... At least thankful for that. Hey, I'm all for it. Even what comes along with it, you know. I'm all for it. I'm just saying.

2:35:08Give us a break. I'm just trying to be the little PC girl on the radio. Yeah, you're being PC now. Hey, where are the white women at? I'm right here. That's Caucasian, sir. Hey, where are the white women at? It's Caucasian. It's Caucasian. Don't say white. I have no idea what you just said. I don't either. I don't either. So just keep on keeping on with that. Just keep trucking. Just keep trucking. Just keep on trucking is what I say. If you can't beat him, join him, right? Bird in the hand. Lead a horse to water. That's right. That's right. As the crow flies. Your Mexicanness is what defines you. You're telling me, right? Let's just get every stereotypical clip we can get. You guys have me cracking up all the time. Thank you. Appreciate that. It's nice of you to say. I take it back. Like my man. Want to know about the killer shrimp that have invaded England? Me too. Mikey. Oh yeah, Woodsy. I knew it, dude. I just told Jamie last night. Oh my gosh, can we just let this whole song play? Let it run for a second, because I love that first line. Chances you put this on a mixtape before. 100%. Other than Filipino guys, nobody's got a voice like that.

2:37:26Loses never fade. Loses never fade. You know how to get words. Holy crap. All he has to get me is do fake harmonica or Asian Mikey. Slender my rock. Happy birthday to M1, Mr. Joshua today. The 3-1? Yeah. Happy birthday, pal. That's pretty cool. Maybe I put a Journey song on every day. Oh, boy.

2:38:44Rubbing, touching, squeezing. Rubbing, flushing, squeezing. Free for me. I'm far out. Free for me. The best thing is that we have some Asian listeners and they write and call and they're like, that's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's a 12-year-old Taiwanese boy. Boy. It's not funny. Hi, Captain Buzzkill. This is Captain Buzzkill. We know. It's not really funny. What? What's not funny? Oh, what's not funny? To go on and do a Whitney Houston boy from Taiwanese. Taiwan, you mean? What did I say? Taiwanese. It's not a country.

2:41:04That's offensive to me. That's offensive. The only reason I even said it is because I've been brainwashed by the mic. Okay. So what's your beef today? What is it this time? Well, between the sermon that Mikey used and making fun of the nation of Taiwan. I don't know. Where do you start, right? Where do you start? What's your general manager's name? His name's Ray Jackson. Well, I will be writing Mr. Jackson an email or Leonard today. I'm sure he will take it very seriously. Maybe blow your nose. Maybe clear your throat before you call us. Boy, you're on one this morning, aren't you? I'm upset, yeah. Oh, there's just so much that I'm sure was just firing you up today. Yep. Well, you know, I didn't realize it was the 700 Club. Oh, jeez. And I also didn't realize it was take your Asian to work day. Now that's offensive. Yeah, that's what Mikey does. He just goes in and he just offends everybody. I'm offended by you. Yeah, you're offensive. How am I offensive?

2:42:30Take your agent to work day. Yeah, that's rude. That's what Mikey said. No, he didn't. I did not say that. I never said that, Captain Buzzkill. Well, you were thinking it. Do you read minds now? Maybe I do. You can't just go on and accuse people of stuff they didn't even say. Really? Tell me about Jerry Falwell. Oh, boy. Why don't you educate me, Billy Graham? Oh, man, he's on a heater today, dude. I might go. I wonder, does Captain Buzzkill, like, when he calls in, does he do an alias? How does he always get through? I don't know. Why wouldn't you want to talk to that? I guess so. Joy of light of hope. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Sunshine. Ray of sunshine. Light of hope, I said. Light of hope. Oh, man. Hey, Lauren's doing a charity event tonight. I am, yes. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. Give it up. Tonight at the Belly Up in Solana Beach.

2:43:40It's called The Healthy Happy Hour. It's going to be an early night, everybody. It's got some comedy and music, comedy by yours truly. Nice. Bucky McKinley, music with Lee Coulter and Rob Dees. And our very own Josh Domingo is going to be taking the stage as well. That's cool. But 50% of... Excuse me. The proceeds go to benefit the Awakenings Health Institute, which does all kinds of research for neurological disorders, spinal cord injuries. That's great. MS, yeah. That's great. It's kind of really good stuff. Tell me one of your jokes. No. Come on. No. Come on. Get out of here. Come to the show if you want to see it. I'll be asleep. What time is the show? It starts at 6. You'll be asleep, Mike. It's my bedtime. It's my bedtime. Woods will be watching Footloose again. Sopranos. I'll have a giant, giant bowl of spaghetti, hint, hint, in front of me. Was that a hint to Mikey? No, no, maybe some garlic bread and a Caesar salad. Maybe a cream cheese pie. Oh, wow. Maybe some Hello Dollies, but you know. I asked her if she'd make some for our intro to the new studio. I'm looking for any excuse to get her to make them.

2:44:54Jamie! Jamie! Jamie! Jamie! Jamie! I'm in. It's Woods' wife. Thousand percent. Uh, we got new releases. Oh, nice. Start with CDs. Uh, Justin Townes. Earl. You know who that is? No. That's Steve Earl's kid. Wait a minute. I'm sure I have it here. Oh. Oh, wait. I forgot to get it. Well, we gotta... You've got a briz ache anyway. Hold on, clown. Hey, Johnny Passive-Aggressive. Hang on. No, I'm finding it. You've got a giant stack over there. Hang on, Johnny Passive-Aggressive. Minus the passive. Son of a... I knew I forgot something. Sienna, maybe you come back to work. How about that? How about that? Here we go. New releases coming your way. We're in our new studio tomorrow. That's right. Maybe we'll be on point. Oh, I guarantee you tomorrow is going to be mess up fast. It's going to be rough. Should be today's promos. Hey, tune in tomorrow morning to hear us mess up. Hear us totally bleep. Yep. Okay. Correspond those to the ones that are in your little machine there and you'll be all good. Justin Towns Earl. Yep.

2:46:20I feel like I should be drinking clear alcohol. Out of a jar? Out of a mason jar. With a cherry in the bottom. That's Steve Earle's son. Good meaning to you. I wish I knew how to quit you. And then you got Brandon Flowers. From The Killers. From The Killers. He's got an album out called Flamingo. You guys can see Mikey's face right there. It isn't bad. It's not bad. It's very confused. That's the word. It's very confused. It isn't bad. I mean, you know me. I say it if I don't get it. Play more. What about James? The morning after the night before. Yeah, that James. Sounds like a feel song. All right, hang with us. Hang with us because we have more.

2:48:08They're pretty good. I got Robert Plant's new one, Weezer's new one, Lincoln Park's new one, Olivia Newton-John's new one. Yeah, we'll do it. Don't go away. Would she do it for me too? Yep. She can come in to do it. The girl that does Woodsy's PHC, Perfect Haircut, also does... nose hair waxing. Which I've never had. How about my ears? I'll get her in. I'll try to get her in tomorrow. Yeah, can we do that? Yeah, we'll get her in tomorrow. Tomorrow she'll come here. She said anytime in the morning because she works at like 10. Absolutely. You'll do it, Mike? Yeah. Will she do my boys as well? No. She will not do your boys.

2:49:36He's talking about Finn and Jasper. I don't know. It's so weird, you guys. It's creepy. New releases. There's some more. Linkin Park has a new album out today called Thousand Sons. It doesn't sound like... It doesn't. Very tame. On the emo bandwagon, real good. On the what bandwagon? The emo. Emo, yeah. Come on, start yelling. Libya Newton-John. Grace and gratitude renewed. That's right. How old is Olivia Newton-John? I still would. No, you would. You would not. 100%. No, please. Huge crush on her when I was a little kid. Hopelessly devoted to you. Really? Yeah, early 70s. Amazing. Late 60s. That's Rose, grown up on the bow of the Titanic. That is a lifetime movie waiting to happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This weekend.

2:51:12See the true story of a harrowing woman who survives something. Of Montreal. It's not my bag, baby. At all. The Walkman. Lisbon. Yes. Imagine that you and your spouse are traveling across the country. And you stop. in El Paso, Texas, and you decide that you're going to stay the night at a Marriott, a courtyard by Marriott, and you get hungry, and you order in a hamburger, and then after dinner, you say, babe, let's go down to the lounge and just see what's going on. Get a drink. I'm going to the show on Saturday. It's a 949 show. I don't care. I don't care. You're sitting in this lounge, and you're sitting in the seat, and you're like,

2:53:00What is it? I would love it. Idiot. I would be happy, personally. Okay, great. I'm telling you, I would say to my wife, I would go, I don't understand. And she would go, shut up, Mikey. Miley Cyrus will be on next. Come on, just sit back and relax. I get that. I understand, Miley. I hear that music and it's catchy. Some of the stuff you listen to is like... I don't know what they're saying. Wow. That is true. But it has a melody to it. Does it? It does. I don't do the cookie monster stuff. Yeah. Here it comes. Here it comes. What I had in mind. I know what you're talking about. You mean this. Wake up. Yeah, you mean this. Wake up. I know. I think I'm thinking, is it System of a Down, that song? Yeah. Wake up. I don't know. Wake up. Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. You wanted to.

2:54:25That's a thing. Don't forget the good one on there. No, they've got a couple more. Okay, good. Weezer, Hurley. That makes sense to me. Yeah, that's good. There's a melody. I get it. That's all it is for me. One plus one just has to equal two. This is one plus one equals 14 squared pi. And I'm like, I don't understand. Can I have a tutor? Mom, can you hire me a tutor? Because I don't get it. I don't understand, Mom. No, son. One plus one equals 14 pi squared. Mom, I don't understand. I'd be in the lounge with a glass of red wine just swaying real good. Yeah, just hippie swaying real good. I don't need a melody. Robert Plant, Band of Joy. Rave reviews. Does his voice still sound that good? So intact. He just celebrated his 145th birthday.

2:55:37Born in 1864. He was born in 1864. Father was a 49er. That's right. I rode the Pony Express with him. That's right. Jay helped him cure polio. Yep. He's so great. I'm buying that record today. There you go. It's the new ones. I don't know what's out today on DVD. Me neither. Whatever. I should be getting oaky noodling today. Should arrive in the mail today, Hillary. I love it. I am. I already know I am. Because it's a character study, you know. It's a documentary, but it's about the people. I want to get some drops from it. How do we do that? Can we do that? I can. Yeah, you have to. It is chock full. How do you have a soundtrack? Chock full. Have you ever seen Trekkies? No. Highly recommend it. Okay. Highly recommend it. Yeah, a listener sent me a bunch of good movie suggestions yesterday, too. Nice. Yeah. I haven't seen a good movie in forever. Trekkies. How about Hands on a Hard Body? That's about radio. Did you ever see that one? Is that a documentary?

2:56:38It is about a contest in Texas, I think, where it was about a radio station that had this contest every year where people came out and they selected whatever 15 listeners and they had to put their hand on a car. Oh. And they got like 15 minutes every however many hours to take a break. Right. But whoever lasted the longest touching the car won the car. Right. And the radio station. A few years after this documentary was shot, and it's really interesting because people go through literal mental breakdowns. Yeah. And it's so hardcore that they continue to try and win this stinking car. It just doesn't seem worth it. But a few years later, the station had to stop doing this contest because someone committed suicide right after participating in the contest. Holy cow. I mean, it's heavy what people go through. Hands on a hard body. Oh, I want to see it. It sounds like an adult film. Yeah, I know. Holy cow. about radio. They did that here in town and there was problems too. Yeah. At Star 100.7 back in the day when it was still that. They did it there and it went bad. Yeah. Because the people don't want to get off. No. They don't want to stop touching the car. They don't want to get off the roller coaster. They don't want to do whatever. They don't want to stop. There's this one scene and it's hard to watch because this woman is...

2:57:56off her rocker. I mean, she's totally sane when it starts, but she's so sleep-deprived, and you have to stand up and stuff. She's like clapping and singing and making up these songs, and she's losing it, and you watch it. It's crazy. That's nuts. It's another one. I'll watch it. What do you got coming up, Hillary? I grabbed the new Kings of Leon. We're getting a lot of calls for that. Some bad religion against me. Free energy. Sweet. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next. Tomorrow morning, we'll be joining you from our new studio, which will be really cool. Mikey shows up.