The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/15/10

2:48Took us a couple of extra minutes there to get going because we're in our brand new studio. How about that? So it took me a couple of extra seconds just to get everything all dialed in and ready to go. And we are officially in our new studio. Oh, wow. That was abrupt. That was abrupt. All right, Jeremy. We got Jeremy in here from our engineering staff, and he's helping out today, which is really great. Okay, Jeremy, so I already got one for you. I need just a little bit more slack on this mic. Is there any way to get a little bit more slack on that? There we go. Because I can't pull that sucker over there. Look at this. What a bunch of cool new toys. So much fun stuff in here. Oh, I love it. I love it so much. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Got a little touch screen for your sound effects there. It's so cool. It's great. I can just hit that and let's see. Oh, that's the best. Oh, is this great or what? For most of you that are listening, you're like, I don't know what's so great. I can't see any of it. I'm just telling you, it's a brand new studio and it all works really nice. So we're going to be loving it. That's amazing. Oh, man. We're out of paper already?

4:13Are we out of paper for the printer? What's wrong with it pushing all the buttons where it just opens up the tray? It's out of paper. Out of paper. Well, we are ready to go. 570-1949 is our number. Who is going to be the first M1 to call in in the new studio? Want to bet? Harold. I bet it's Harold. Your bet is Harold. That's my bet, too. How do I get, and then I got to figure out how to get this screen on. It's my call screener. It's going to take a while, man. We got to get everything dialed in, you know. Mikey Show, who's this? Harold. There he is. There he is. I just want to be the first to congratulate you on a well-deserved studio. There it is. Thank you. Very nice of you, Harold. Harold, of course, jumping the gun yesterday. Monday. On Monday. He called in on Monday to wish us, you know, bon voyage, have fun in your brand new studio. Nice. We weren't in here yet. We said we will in a couple days, for sure. How's the lighting? Is the lighting good? It's perfect. It's perfect. Either outlets you might need or... Harold being an electrician. That's right. It's absolutely, absolutely beautiful.

5:45Thank you. Thank you, dude. Congratulations, guys. Appreciate it. So, yeah, this is what I need to let listeners know now. As the morning goes on and as we're broadcasting, you're going to be hearing me, you know, everything's going to be behind the curtain. So everything you hear is going to be me going, hey, how does this happen? You know, how do I do this? Blah, blah, blah. Which for me is fun. I love that. Yeah. You know, that's my favorite type of radio. I got to ask Jeremy. When Jeremy comes back in, I'm going to ask Jeremy about that call screener. Okay, Jeremy, I got a question for you. More questions. This call screener went out, meaning that, you know, it just like went when you're... He did it. Okay. How? He just has to make sure that he keeps the mouse moving? No, it's a him and their air. Okay. He's got a line of sight connection, so it's a wireless connection. It's wireless. Wireless. Wireless. Wireless. You pushed it too far against the wall and you couldn't see it. Okay, so as long as it stays in the same place, it won't go out here. Touch it. Right? Okay, cool. Did we get this thing? I'm going to have to do that when you go into commercial. When we go into break. Okay, cool. All right. 570.

7:05You can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Brand new studio, Studio M. This place is absolutely gorgeous, man. I mean, it's beautiful. And it's a whole suite. It's a whole suite. And now the other cool thing is I got line of sight to be able to see Jay. Yeah. That's right. And line of sight to be able to see crowds. So I can now see our phone screener, which is great. We got two beautiful plasma televisions up on the wall. And if we want to now, and if I want, you know, something's happening on the news and we want to go right to it. New York's mayor is ticked off. He says what happened yesterday at the polling stations was a royal screw up. We can do that. It's huge. Which is really awesome. It's cool. I can look out the window whenever I want. Yeah. That's right. The window. Stare up into space. Mm-hmm. So. Okay, let's get down to business. Let's get this thing started. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 years of age, and this is probably one of the coolest moments in my broadcast career, man. 23 years, and a studio that is dedicated to my program. It's just amazing. I can't even believe it. I can't even believe it. What did I text you this morning? He said,

8:27I don't remember. I said Christmas. Christmas morning. Christmas morning, pal. Christmas morning. Yep. It really is. I love the lights up above you that have this in the shape of an M. Yep. That's so cool. And for Woodsy, they're in the shape of a W. Yep. And we were able to find an L. Right there. And a J. And a J. There you go. But Sienna. We're going to have to work on a giant S. We'll figure it out. Yeah. So I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35. Let's see. Lauren O'Brien. Who had a comedy gig last night. I did, yeah. Stand up. How'd it go? It was awesome. Did it go good? I think it was one of my best shows so far. Nice. Was it? Yeah. I think I was amped on the studio and life. Yeah. That's good. So Lauren is 29. And Sienna is our news girl, but she's out on maternity leave. Jay is our producer. And for three days of the week, Krause is our phone screener. That's Krause. And you are an M1. M1 is somebody that's a part of Mikey Show Nation. Entire group of people devoted to the Mikey Show. You love the Mikey Show. You listen to the Mikey Show. You call into the show. And when you do, you turn your radio down. You get to the point. You don't cuss. That's what being an M1 is. And we want to hear from you. At the beginning of the show and at the end of the show, we just allow you to call in about anything you want. It be questions or something you saw on TV or whatever.

9:54You can just call us up with whatever you want. So we'd love to hear from you. The word of the day today is parakeet. So when you hear me work that into a sentence, caller nine wins what, Jay? Caller nine wins a pair of his and her angel and anarchy sunglasses. $160 value, right? Yeah, exactly. And so be listening for the word parakeet during the show. It's sometime today between now and 10 o'clock. And then at 740... This morning, we are, and when I say we, I mean myself and Woods and Jay, are going to have our ear and nose waxed. Oh, God, I'm dreading this. You want to hear something gross? What? So, knowing that this was going to happen, I decided not to clean up my ears. You should see how long the hair grows overnight. Oh, my gosh. I've got long, I'm an elf. I'm pretty sure I'm an elf of some sort. You trim it every day? Apparently, I have to.

10:55That is so weird. I'm really freaked out about the nose. Really? That's going to hurt. It's going to hurt. I didn't know anyone got their nose hair waxed. Nor did I until I talked to the girl that does my PhDs. Your perfect haircuts? Yeah, she's going to be coming in today. Woodsy and I talked to Elizabeth yesterday. That's the girl that gave Woods a pedicure. Oh, gosh. I was dragged. Yeah. I was dragged. Yeah, so she is going to... Come on the air today and tell us all about that embarrassing situation. I can't wait. Yeah, if you guys didn't hear, I got a pedicure and didn't tell anybody. No one, not his wife. No, didn't tell my wife. And the gal that was doing the pedicure was the only Caucasian in the room. And she asked me, what do you do for a living? And I said... I'm in real estate. Yeah, he didn't want to tell her. Then she proceeded to ask me a million questions, as women are known to do from time to time, fire questions at you. Yeah. And I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Sure. So, great. It's awesome. Good for me. Let's make sure she gets on the air today. I can't wait. L.O.B.'s really confused because the gong was different. Oh, is that what that was? Yeah, I know her. I know her so well. It was way different. Yeah. Oh, gosh. You don't like that one as much. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

12:14Much better. Let's see. 570-1949. Give us a call. Love to talk to you. And welcome us to our new studio. I feel like I have to tell you to tell me happy birthday. Have a party for yourself on your birthday. Don't make it awkward for us. Don't make us ask. Just congratulate us. And here's the other thing. I'm sure people are wondering. You know, what do we do when we call in first thing? You talk about whatever you want. Yeah. You know, you talk about what was on TV last night. You talk about. Talk about something your wife or husband did that made you mad. Yeah. Anything. Or you talk about some of the stuff that we are going to be bringing up within the next couple of minutes. Like, remember when we told you about that chick in Canada?

13:08that said that a black girl came up to her and threw ass in her face? It was Seattle? Seattle. Well, I thought she had moved to Vancouver. It's Vancouver, Washington. So it's in Washington. Washington State. And even I said Seattle, but it's Vancouver, Washington. Yeah. I just thought Vancouver was Canada. I thought that the first time we heard it. Is there a Vancouver in Canada? Absolutely there is. Oh, then I'm not dumb. Oh, man. Beautiful. Beautiful place. Vancouver, Washington. Uh-huh. She says some black girl came up to her and threw acid in her face and was like, take this, my little pretty. Take a drink of this, my dear. Yeah. Snow White-esque. Yeah. And so wait till you hear the latest in that. Wait till you hear why Sears had to take some t-shirts off the racks. And wait till you hear about Oprah's big give everybody an Australian vacation deal. 570-1949 is the number if you want to give us a call. We will talk to you. Okay, so this acid thing might be a hoax. I can't believe it. I know. How do you put a hoax like that? I'm so curious about the story. And the point of it, too. And it surprised me that it was a girl. Publicity would be the main point, I would imagine, right? It is like cutting off your nose to spite your face sort of thing. Exactly. Literally. You know, I'm looking at a picture of her, and it's hideous what happened. Yeah.

14:34How do you fake that? She said the girl threw a cup of liquid acid in her face. She's 28 years old. Bethany Storo is her name. And she says that on August 30th, somebody came up to her and said, hey, pretty little girl, want to take a drink of this? Psst. That's what she said happened. And she said that she, remember, we were even all into it because she said, I had just bought these pair of sunglasses. I never wear sunglasses. I never do. Yeah, that's right. An hour before I bought a pair. An hour before. And she was partially deaf, right? Mm-hmm. I guess she was even on, she was going to be on Oprah. Yep. And decided not to. Maybe because she was making it. Maybe. And you know how Oprah likes to catch liars, or what she perceives as liars. Yeah, sure. And maybe ruin their career or their lives. Sure. You know, she likes to do that. She says, bless you. Bless you. She says. Yeah. From the beginning, I wanted to inspire people and tell them about Jesus. Hey, thanks a lot, dum-dum. Between her and the pastor that wants to burn the Koran, I'm like, yeah, it's great. You think Jesus is just rolling his eyes going, nah, this is great. Need some more guys going out spreading my word, please. Thanks for helping the cause, dummies. Well, you know, Mike, I read some of that article and they said that...

16:03They said that the reason they think it's a hoax. Well, I hope it isn't. And if it is, I'm sorry. If it isn't, I'm so sorry. That was the jerkiest thing in the world to say if it's not a hoax. Right. And as I look at her picture, I'm like, it can't be a hoax. I mean, it's just there's no way. I mean, there's no way. They said there was no eyewitnesses that saw anybody around her or near her when she was out front of the Starbucks. And they said, you know, in 10, 12 days, nobody's been identified as the suspect. And. It would just be really sad to think that somebody would do this to themselves for publicity. And the other thing they said is, wait, so she's partially deaf. How could she hear what the girl said and all kinds of stuff? She can read lips. There may be some grasping at straws, but I just really hope for her sake and our sake and everybody's sake that it's not a hoax. I know. That's bummer. It looks that there was some speculation before that it was like a possibly gang-related initiation. So maybe people are just afraid to come forward. That just sounds sexy. That's just a sexy answer to it. I don't know. I don't know. You know, not only was it a gang initiation, but it was also a part of a crazy acid cult. Right. I'm trying to give this girl the benefit of the doubt. Me too. I hope so too. M1 Virgin Nikki is on the line. Hi.

17:21Hi, guys. How you doing? Good. You guys sound so good through the phone. It sounds so much better. Yeah. Brand new stuff now. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you very much. I even bought a new alarm clock so I could get reception in my bedroom. That is good. Solid. Love it. You're going to have to come check out the new studio soon. Oh, I can't wait. She's very, very pregnant. I'll have her baby in two weeks. Two weeks? After that. Two weeks. Wow. All right, Nikki. I'll call you guys on the way to the hospital. Yeah. We love you. Not a virgin anymore. No, she's not. No, she isn't. Thank you, Virgin Nikki. Thanks. She's Virgin Nikki. She waited till marriage. She sure did. She waited till marriage. And now she's on child number three. Is she? Mm-hmm. There you go. M1 Joe from El Centro, you there? Hey, Joe. Hey, good morning, guys. Good morning. Yeah, I'm driving on my way to El Centro right now. I'm not quite there yet. Actually, I'm getting on the circuit east. Right on. What do you do? What do you do out there? You what? I teach people how to shoot. Tell me again, what do you do? He teaches people how to shoot. Oh, I didn't get that. Yeah, he teaches people how to shoot. You teach people in the military how to shoot? Oh, wow, look at you. You must really know how to shoot. He's like, I can't tell you guys anymore, so stop asking me. Yeah, I can't tell you guys anymore. Yeah, I'll have to kill you. Yeah, I do.

18:53You don't do that. You don't teach people in the government how to do it unless you really know what you're doing. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Have a little bit of humility. Humility. Thank you. All right. Well, thank you, Joe. We love you and appreciate you. Great day. Thank you. We'll see you. M1 Ziggy's calling from Lemon Grove. How are you? Congratulations to all of you. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate you. I just want to let you know that Mondays and Wednesdays, I have school at 10 o'clock. My alarm is set at 6 o'clock. When you guys start, I'm there. That's great. I don't have school until 1230, and I wake up six hours ahead of time. Yeah. Look at you. You are the greatest. Yeah. I love that, man. I love you guys, man. That's awesome, dude. We love you. Take care. Congratulations on your show. Thank you, man. M1 Ulysses is calling from Carlsbad.

19:56And he's calling to, okay, thank you for the call. And he's calling about the acid thing, right? The acid, possible acid hoax? destroyed this girl's face and there's a whole and she's kind of like a miniature celebrity celebrity out there she had to do a lot of reconstructive surgery i just thought it just seemed off you know some people you see on the news nowadays and you just got to get a vibe from them that there's something different yeah and it just i just got it but you feel bad thinking that because this terrible thing just happened to her but i don't know i mean the documentary the woman's name but it really just didn't her Her face looked like a zombie. Well, dude, I've got to tell you, man, I've seen a picture of this girl that's saying that it happened to her now, and it's jacked up, man. Her face looks all messed up. Yeah, but when you see someone, like you said before, there was no eyewitnesses. Someone's going to be screaming. Okay, well, okay, let me play lawyer. I'll play lawyer. I'll try to give the other side of that. My response to that would be, what kind of criminal wants witnesses? Okay, okay.

21:21Yeah, let me look at the picture. Well, it does look like it's blocked. I mean, I'm looking at her picture, and her eyes look like raccoons. Yeah. Her eyes look like they were protected from sunglasses. But, you know, they're saying, too, that this is a woman that never wore sunglasses. Maybe that's why she put the sunglasses on, is to protect her eyes from something she knew was coming. And I'll tell you, man, just from looking at it, it looks like frostbite. I mean, I'm trying to describe it, and it looks, it's kind of a frostbite. I'll find that documentary, and I'll email it to you, because I really want you to see, because if it's... If it's really acid, it could have been hot water or something different. This don't look like hot water. Dude, her skin is actually, you know, on her nose, it's yellow, and it's also deteriorated through her skin. But the acid will totally just completely melt it. Did you ever see that show Good Hair about Chris Rock? The stuff that, you know, you can relax your hair. That'll eat into actual flesh, almost on contact. Got it. And that's what people put in their hair.

22:37Acid will totally melt your skin to the bone on contact. And it just looks, you know, they're not, the cops are going to start floating this out or whoever's talking about it being maybe a hoax unless there was some kind of, they're probably trying to flush her out for her to break down and admit, you know what, I made this. Yeah. All right. Hey, thank you, Ulysses. I appreciate it. You know, I don't know how she would have done this if it's a hoax. George Lucas, come over, do some industrial light and magic. Well, I think, I think. they're saying that she did it to herself. Right, right. But how do you do it? You take a cup of acid and you throw it in your face. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't think so, bro. I hope not. I don't think you get this kind of coverage over the face. If she had sunglasses on. Maybe somebody else could have done it. Yeah, maybe somebody she knows and described them completely different to what they really are. Yeah, there was a dum-dum last year or two years ago when Obama was running for president. She had somebody punch her in the face to make it look like she got beat up because she was a Republican out there campaigning for McCain. And they vandalized her face by cutting her face and putting the word Obama. It's a hoax. Wow. No one did that. That's so elaborate. It is elaborate. Crazy. Yes, it's crazy. It's beyond, right? Yeah. Crazy. And it makes you go.

24:08I'm crazy for fear. Man, you do so much more damage to your cause. Yeah. What would this girl's cause be except to just get attention? Her cause was that she was trying to down with Obama and she was trying to choke. No, I mean the acid chick. Oh, yeah. I don't know. She's a very religious girl. Oh, she wants to get Jesus' name out there. That's right. Wrong way to do it, sweetheart. I mean, if it's a hoax, I don't know. I don't even want to comment on it because I feel so bad. I know. There's a chemist on the line, M1 Jeff. Are you there? Yes, I am. Jeff's calling in from Oceanside. What do you think? What I'm trying to say is this guy just called. That's a movie effect they're talking about with acids, all right? Just concentrates the acid. Depends on what it is. It can be sulfuric. It's pretty strong. If you get the stuff like at Home Depot that you use to clean out your toilet with, it's probably about 98%. But that can do a lot of damage pretty quick if you don't get water on it. Right. But it all depends on what you use. There's hydrochloric, which is like your stomach acid. That doesn't have a pronunciation.

25:10Thank you, dude. Appreciate the call. That is interesting. First song from the new studio. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. Brand new Studio M. That's where we are right now. It's possible. that for the last 15 to 20 hours, you were asleep and you just woke up. And if that's the case and you haven't heard about Reggie Bush, I'll tell you about him when we come back. Woodsy will take great delight, I'm sure, in telling you about it in Woods on Sports. We'll also tell you about Lady Gaga and her latest antics. And the kid that they found out, hey, listen, you can't...

26:15Pull his saggy pants up. It's illegal. We'll tell you what we're talking about. Don't go away. Mikey Show's on the air. Hang on a second, Jeremy. I got to use that right now. I got to use that guy right now. You got to switch. We can't? We can't? Okay. No, it's fine. We missed a traffic, too. We need to play a traffic, so we got to figure out Vox Pro between the two of us. You may have to cue me on those, and I may have to play stuff that you want played out there. Okay. I'll figure it out. Parakeet's the word of the day. The reason that you're hearing us do stuff on the fly is because we're in our brand new Studio M. Beautiful new studio. Sounds good. Yeah, it does. Feels good. Word of the day is Parakeet. You're listening for that. Caller 9 will get his and her sunglasses when you hear it. I'm really crafty with it, though, so you have to really listen. I miss it every day. Yep. Daily.

27:59So you really have to pay attention because, you know, I'll weave it into a sentence and sometimes you barely notice. Also, at 740, we're going to be getting our ear hair waxed and our nose hair waxed. I need to go. Yeah, I'm nervous about it. Clean my nose because, you know, it's like I feel like I'm going to get a wax, you know, and I just want to make sure I'm having to deal with what ladies deal with, you know. Yeah, because what's going to come out of there isn't going to be pretty. Yeah, and so I want them to think, oh, he's got, you know, other than the hair in his nose, he really has a lovely nose. Right. That's what I want them to think. I don't want to be humiliated by what I have going on. I don't either. Hey, you have beautiful hair. Thank you. Nose hair. Beautiful nose hair. So we'll be doing that at 740. And when are we talking to Elizabeth? 7.30. 7.30. Okay, we'll be talking to Elizabeth. It's the girl that did Woodsy's pedicure, and Woodsy told her that he worked in real estate. Yep. How do you like that? I like that. Of course you do. And in just a second, Woodsy's going to be telling you about Reggie Bush and Woods on Sports and taking real delight in that, telling you all about Reggie. Look at him. Look at him, L-O-B. He's chomping at the bit. He's bloating.

29:30You know, Sears had to take a t-shirt off the racks. It was a t-shirt depicting the Twin Towers with the word gotcha emblazoned on the front of it. So stupid. I don't even get it. I don't know. Who wears that? I don't know. It's one of the ugliest shirts you've ever seen, by the way. Is it? I saw it last night. It's repugnant. I mean, but who's buying that? Taliban teenagers? I don't know. Who would buy that? People wanting to be shocking. Al-Qaeda teenagers? Yeah, Al-Qaeda teenagers. Trying to be cool? I mean, even American Kid, you're wearing that t-shirt and you're thinking you're cool? You're not cool. You're a douche. You wear that. Gotcha. I feel like I'm missing something, but I don't think I am. I can't believe Sears would ever carry that. Of course. In the first place. Why would they do that? I have no idea. They have these things called buyers, these people called buyers. And they go and they look at all these different clothes. They go, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool. We'll take that. Who's getting that? Yeah. Are they fired, you think? I hope. I mean, you've got to get fired for that, right? One would think. Dum-dum. And then Oprah, we talked about this the other day. Oprah gave everybody in her audience a trip to Australia.

31:00You go to Australia. You go to Australia. It's going to cost the Australian government $3 million. How? Taxes, all that stuff. Oh, my gosh. A lot of taxes associated with it. But one of the dudes from their government said, we're fine with that. We don't mind paying it because, you know, all the people that are going to see it on the Oprah show, Oprah has like $40 million. Americans alone watching it. 145 different countries watch it. Insane. And so they're real stoked. It's us. It's Americans that are going, wow, look at what you're doing. You're costing them. Because we want to find something wrong with it. Well, I'm sure there's, you know, I'm sure that guy who's in the government or the Board of Tourism is excited. But, I mean, who actually cuts the check? Is it the taxpayers? I don't understand. Does the government write the check?

32:00Well, there's a lot of, I mean, when you think about it, LOB, you have so many people, 300 audience members for an eight day trip to Australia. There's a lot of taxes that are involved. The thing that I don't understand is, well, if Oprah's picking up the tab. Right. Pick up the tab. How are you not picking up the taxes? It's like me saying to you guys, hey, I'm going to take you guys out to dinner, but you have to pay for your own booze and appetizers. Well, why do you, why do you have to? Why does the country have to pay taxes on people coming in? I know. I don't get it. And I'm okay with paying taxes on stuff. I mean, listen, in my career, I've given away a car. You're responsible for the taxes, but you just want a car. Yeah, exactly. But in this case, it's not the audience members that have to pay it. It's the country, which doesn't make... I don't get it. I'm with you. Maybe that was the deal. Yeah. Can we play... Can we play... Yeah. Jay is not there, but I think I can switch this. It's all right. It's all right. I think I can switch this. Tom Brady, as you know, got into a car accident. And he messed up his Audi. Luckily, he was fine. Signed a multi-million dollar deal with the Patriots. But, you know, Tom Brady is a very handsome guy. Sharp dude. He's a really sharp guy. Sharp dude. You've got to imagine what the 911 call might have sounded like, right?

33:34What's your emergency? Calm down, sir. What's going on? Car accident. What's your location, sir? I'm in Gloucester and Com Ave. Com and Gloucester. Yes, yes. Excuse me? Tom Brady, our quarterback. Oh, okay. I'm sending an ambulance to the scene. Oh, my God. Okay. Is Brady okay? How does he look, sir? I don't know. He looks like an idiot. Calm down, sir. Is anyone else in the car? Who cares? Did you hear me? Is there anyone else in your car, sir? Okay, the EMTs are on their way. Does Brady look hurt? I don't think so. Don't kiss him. Don't kiss him, sir. I'll pay for everything. Okay. It's all right, man. Hey, good luck for your new contract, man. Sir, do you need anything else? I'm going to go see if he'll take a picture with me. Genius. It sounded like that, right?

35:39You might have. 5701-949 is our number. And, man, I am getting this thing figured out. Look at you. I love this. I love having a brand new studio. There's nothing like it. Let's do some Woods on Sports. That's what I'm talking about. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, the Padres held off the Rockies last night. It was a nail-biter. It was seven. To six. Matt Stairs came off the bench. Hit a two-run homer. Nice. Was awesome. Heath Bell got the job done. Didn't feel like he really had his best stuff last night. Cut one. Yep. Cut one. Oh, man. It ain't working. Come on! No. No, I'm hitting it. It's not. Why? I don't know why. We'll have to. It's because of the new configuration. Maybe Jake can get it. Yeeta, yeeta, yeeta. Can Jay hit it? No? No. I'll just go up myself. You know what we can do, Woodsy? I can do it, but I'd have to stop the music. Which do you want?

36:51Play the clip. Okay, then I got to stop the music. And then we'll figure it out later. We'll figure out later how to do it. Okay, because I want to hear the clip. No, I just feel like today was just, you know, it was one of those days that I just didn't feel like I had my A game. You know, I probably had my B or C game. And when you have your B or C game, you got to figure out a way to get people out. So, you know, and I made a couple good pitches and got myself out of the jam. Well, hey, dude, your C game? You won. Yeah, absolutely. You picked up the save. You got done what needed to get done. Padres are now at one and a half games over the Giants. So getting a little more. And beating the Rockies is just not easy, and they did it, and that's good. I'll tell you what. There's a lot of teams I don't like. I do not like the Rockies. I don't either. I don't like them. I don't either. I don't like them. There's something about them. I'm out on the whole thing. I agree. Maybe it's their purple-y. Gray uniforms. Also, so the Chargers this week will be taking on the Jags at 115 on Sunday. They need to win this home opener, I would say. I've already seen a lot of stuff on Facebook. People are pretty sour about that. People are turning. Already. Turning. A game in. Yeah, last night at my show, I was making a joke about football, and I was like, so let's give it up for the Chargers. And I said, all right, let's try that again. Let's give it up for the Chargers.

38:11Third time. And I was, like, making people get into it because people were like, mmm. They were all the way out on the Chargers? Yes. Well, you know. I know. And also, well, Ryan. They're real finicky, man. Oh, yeah. When they lose. I can tell. Come on. But, yeah, 115 on Sunday. So Ryan Matthews is going to be a big part of this offense this year. And he had an okay game. I mean, he had a costly fumble. But he's a rookie. Give him a little break. Cut to. You know, I just got to read my reads. You know, I missed a lot of good reads that I think could have turned into a big place. You know, and like I say, man, I left my lineman hanging tonight. You know, I did. And, you know, I just bought security. That's the main thing. You know, it's a lot different from college. It really is. Yeah, it's his first game. I like his voice. He's going to be all right. Of course you do. Of course you do. Also, Reggie Bush has decided to forfeit his Heisman Trophy, making him. The first Heisman Trophy winner ever to surrender his award. He surrendered it like a gentleman. Yeah, he's a real gentleman. What did he do? What did he do? He took a couple hundred thousand dollars while he was in college and bought houses and cars. He was just a kid. Probably bought some bling and stuff. Made it right for himself and his family. He had no idea.

39:33They don't tell you that from day one. Who would give them $100,000? Agents. Agents? Yeah. Hey, man, I'm going to take care of you so that when you get out, you're Reggie Bush. You're going to sign with my firm. You're going to sign with us. Now, I don't know, so I'm going to ask you genuinely. Does this, like, almost never happen? No, it happens. It happens. But, I mean, he's a high-profile dude. Yeah, he got caught. But you're saying it does happen. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's been happening for years. I mean, they shut down SMU in the 80s. They got put on, what the hell do they call it? Something probation. Probation. Like, done. Now, you hate USC. You can't do anything. Yeah, I can't stand USC. You hate USC. You're a Notre Dame fan. I'm asking you this genuinely. Yes, it happens at Notre Dame. It does? I'm sure. Yeah. But they don't get caught. Yeah, you haven't gotten caught. If you haven't gotten caught, then I guess you're not breaking any rules, right? I mean, truly. You don't believe that. Absolutely. You believe that you're cheating. You just haven't been caught. Well, I mean, until it comes out that you've been caught, I can't say that you're cheating. I wonder how they caught Reggie Bush. Don't know. I don't remember. I remember it had a San Diego, you know, he's from here. He went to Helix. Yeah, it's, you know, hey, Reggie Bush has been a fine athlete in the NFL. He was a great college football player. You know, he helped beat Notre Dame when he cheated and pushed Leonard over the Bush push. You saw that. You know what that's about.

40:55The guy's not the most stand-up guy in the world. That Woodsy is unbelievable when it comes to the series. Oh, I can't stand those Trojans, man. Do you think that we would, if he had gone to Notre Dame, what would Woods take? I would be bummed. Hey, listen. Give us what? Give us a break. No, I wouldn't. 19, 20? Would it sound like this, Woods? You think this don't happen in college football? You're a sweet kid, Mike. Yeah, sweet kid, Mike. So naive. That's not how it would sound. I would say, wow, like when Roger Clemens got... busted and he's lying to Congress. Yeah, he got one World Series for me, but I'm like, yeah, you're a dirtbag. Kid's objective. You know that. I'm an objective sports reporter. Hey, mainly I think of you as a Red Sox.

41:38You're great. Let me tell you about another real gem from down in Florida. His name is Chris Rainey. Plays for Florida. He's a wide receiver. Well, he's being charged with aggravated stalking. It's a third-degree felony. He sent his ex-girlfriend. They had been together three years. They broke up. He sent her a text that said, time to die, B. Holy cow. Oh, yeah. This guy's toast. He's going to be booted off the team more than likely. Oh, my gosh. He's the 27th player arrested during Urban Meyer's six seasons in Gainesville. So they're running a real tight ship down there as well. Oh, no. Down in Florida. And just a couple more quick hits. Mike, Ryan Grant, the running back for the Packers, his season is over. So if you've got him on your fantasy team, drop him because he's hurt his ankle. He's going to need surgery. That stinks. And Lawrence Maroney in a – Pretty interesting move, I thought, was dealt to the Denver Broncos yesterday from the Patriots. They gave up. Yeah, they're done with that guy. Chris Jenkins out for the year. The Jets, he anchors their D-line. He's integral in that defense. Done for the year. Feast on that, Rex. Woods on sports. So, Jay, can you do that? Yeah, I'm going to try. All right, Jay's got traffic for us.

42:46This report is brought to you by Allstate. Want to save money without cutting insurance coverage? Get Allstate today, dollar for dollar. Nobody protects you like Allstate. On the 5 northbound before the Coronado Bridge, we've got an accident here. A car was hit by something that was in the middle of the road. CHP is on the scene and a lot of congestion in that area. The 163 northbound between the 8 and the 805 is starting to bunch up, too. This report brought to you by the I-15 express lanes. With routes to get you where you're going, put the I-15 premium express... us in your fall lineup. Call 511 or go to 511SD.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Alright, the panel's where we do 20 seconds on a topic. Me, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Lady Gaga. Now, she's making big news the other day because she wore a meat suit to Video Music Awards. And I said to my wife yesterday, I go, man, I mean, I guess... Would you say she's the most popular with teenagers, or is she popular with everybody? Across the board. Across the board, right? Yeah. I don't know. I just think to myself, if you're 20 years or older, you don't look at Lady Gaga and go, I liked it better the first time when it was called Madonna. No. No? No. It's just complete, like, man, to me, I go, you're doing Madonna's bit. I do, too. You're 40. I'm 35. You're 29. Yeah.

44:1329 and below, probably think she's like the greatest thing since sliced bread. And there's a certain, there's like a little, I don't know if you call it a subculture, but people that like to go to performances over like a concert, you know, it's more like a big performance. So maybe they feel like they missed out on the Madonna. The Madonna era. And they're like, here's my chance to watch all that. There are some people that just, you know, that are iron deficient, that have a real craving for people that wear meat suits. And so they just are like, I have to see it. Just chomping at the bit. Yeah. I want to feast. My eyes want to feast on some meat. Great name for a band. Meat suit? Meat suit. Meat puppets. Yeah, there are the meat puppets. Meat suit. So anyway, meat suit lady, she goes to the airport in LAX and says that she had handcuffs. I think she was wearing them. Yeah, it was like a belt and the little loop thingy was handcuffs. She got through. security and everything. You know, and I... Forget the panel. Let's just talk about it. It's stupid, man. It's so dumb. LOP, is it cool to you? No. Right? But, you know, I don't think she was trying to be like, let me wear something that's going to stop me from, you know, getting... I think it was just... She's wearing basically... She's wearing, like, an underwear and bra, and the bra's, like, skin-colored, so it looks almost like nothing. Dodo. She's a walking bit.

45:42That's just what she is. She's a walking bit. Everything is, how can I get it a little bit farther? How can I get it a little bit more shocking? I wish I could be at LAX so I could go. Okay, I see you. Okay, everybody. Yeah, we get it. You're outrageous. Look who's here. Hey, everyone. Lady Gaga is here. Hi, Gaga. She's a clown. You're so shocking. Oh my gosh. She calls her fans little monsters. That's so different. I remember it was a Fred Savage movie, right? I have no idea. I call my fans M1s. Who am I criticizing? Yeah, that's true. You wear meat handcuffs. I'm wearing a meat handcuff suit right now. I'm criticizing Gaga. I'm wearing a meat handcuff suit. I have meat handcuffs in my back pocket right now. I have a meat hat. but it's been sitting in my bag stinking up the joint. Meat sunglasses real good. And here we are criticizing Lady Gaga. How dare we? Idiot. Artisan. Artisan. Bread maker. You know who Inez Sainz is? I think it's Sainz. You know who that is? I do. She is a very attractive Mexican sports broadcaster that covers football.

47:06I'm behind her 100%. I get it. You get that? Oh, wow. One more time, Mike. Thank you. So, anyway, she is involved in this whole sexual harassment thing with the Jets because I guess they sexually harassed her in the locker room. And we have audio of her talking about it. But not only that, Clinton Portis. From the Redskins. Big mouth. He has a mouth on him, and he said something about it yesterday that he had to apologize to the NFL later in the day for saying, because it blew up and was so huge. We have his comments coming up. Got the audio of it. New Kings? New Kings. I love it so much. Mikey Show is me. I'm the host of the Mikey Show. That's Woodsy. He's our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien is the blonde-haired girl to my right. It's kind of a darker blonde now, though. Yeah. Wouldn't one call that brown? Is it? I don't know, ish. Sandy blonde? Yeah, it's fading. Yeah. A lot of people, last night I saw a woman that I used to work with, an older Japanese woman. She goes, yeah, I don't like it. Is she Japanese from Japan? Yeah, she's from Japan. She's lived here for a while now, but. Is it her culture that you're allowed to just say, you know what? Whatever you want. She is.

49:04As blunt as possible. And she goes, I miss the shiny blonde hair. I was like, okay. She's like, you also, uh, your compression? I don't know. She will tell you. She would say it? Oh, yeah. How do you know her? I used to work with her. She's worked with the belly up for like 28 years now or something crazy like that. The belly up. You work with Mikey now? Do you? Rara B? Rara B? Rara B? You work with Mikey? Yeah. You do? He is not very attractive. And he tiny. He tiny. You come back to bury up. Yeah. You come back to bury up because... Oh, gosh. Mikey is so stupid. We're gonna be talking to Elizabeth at 730 Elizabeth is

50:43Woodsy's pedicure. Oh, for God's sake. I went one time. She's not my pedicure. Oh, boy. Lord. Let's see. And then at 740, we're going to have our ear hair and nose hair waxed. I just took a paper towel and cleaned my nose out. I might want to do that. Oh, boy. I agree, except for the mic part. I gave my ears a good cleaning this morning. I was like, I don't want to see anything in there. Oh, man. They're out there. That's the girl that's going to do it? Gorgeous. Does Jamie know how good looking she is, Woods? What's up? Does Jamie know how good looking she is? What's up? Yeah. Have her come here for a minute. I want her to be. This is like your baby carrot story. I know it. Here we go. Mike, look. Oh, my goodness. I wanted you guys to be. 84-year-old Mexican women. Oh, my gosh. I wanted you to be little old Mexican women that come in and go, okay, here's how we do this, okay? You need to put your head back, and then I'm going to put... I'll put the wax in there, and then I'm going to put... This is the... What just happened? What just happened? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. So much for that joke. Yeah. And... Hey!

52:09What are your names, ladies? Sarah. Sarah and Kaylin. You're going to look inside my nose. Oh, no. Let me see. Tell me something. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. I'm nervous. Tell me. You have a great nose. Oh, great. Great. Looks like somebody threw Play-Doh at my face. Okay, so what I want to hear you say is don't worry. We do this all the time. We've seen it. Oh, no. They can't say that. They're like, listen, we've never seen anything like yours. I know Kaylin does her dads. I do my dad. You do? Yeah. She's like, you know, my dad looks just like you. A little younger. My dad's a little younger. Probably 6'4", salt and pepper hair. BMW convertible. Yeah, exactly. Guy looks like Brett Favre. She's like, you know, we've never seen a nose like yours. Not only have we never seen a nose like yours, we've never done this, but we have stayed at a Best Western Express. Great. Well, ladies,

53:08Tell us how this is going to work. You put the wax in there, and then you pull it? Yeah, it's hard wax. Pull the microphone right in that microphone. It looks like a cotton swab of waxing on the end of the stick. You just shove it in there and kind of swirl it around and get everything and let it dry until it's hard. And then you just hold the nose and rip. But how do you rip the actual wax? No, the wax gets hardened. Yeah, it gets hard, so it stiffens around and it pulls everything. There are so many that's. I know, I'm just letting them fly. So the wax gets hard enough to where you can actually grab a hold of it and pull it? It's on a stick. It's on a stick? Yeah. So I'm going to have a stick. It's like a Q-tip, you know? I'm going to have a stick Q-tip sticking out of my nose? Yeah. You won't be able to breathe for a little bit. Awesome. Perfect. Just hold your breath. You have to, like, breathe through your mouth. Great. There's no catheter involved in it, right? No, there's no catheter. We'll have to hook you up to anything. Thank goodness. You don't have to take your pants off, so we're all in good shape. No, I've already taken mine off. All right, all right. Just in case. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. All right, thank you, ladies. We're going to have you come back in in just a little bit, and we'll go through the whole process. And by the way, word of the day is parakeet. You're listening for the word parakeet. When you hear me work that into a sentence, caller nine gets his and her glasses. Great. I'm humiliated.

54:29They're like supermodels, and they're going to be up your guys' noses and in your ears. Yeah, and you know what? On the drive home, they're going to go, that was the feltiest Mexican nose I've ever seen. Did you see that little burrito's nose? It was like looking into a jungle, and I seriously thought a monkey was going to come flying out of it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Great. Woods isn't worried. He's tall and handsome. He's like, go ahead. Take a look at my honker. Maybe you won't snore anymore. Oh, gosh. Maybe you won't snore anymore. Oh, my gosh. Maybe you won't snore anymore. Maybe. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you. Hey, here's what we're at with our Trade Up for Charity, by the way. We're raising money for Rady Children's Hospital and their Autism Discovery Institute. Trade Up for Charity is cool. You get something out of it. I'll mention something, and you go, I got something better than that, and I want what you have. So you trade me. We got a $300 GoPed. It's in our office. It's awesome. If you got something that's worth more than a $300 GoPed, call us right now. Here's the perfect situation for you. You're like, I don't use this thing anymore, but I know it's worth more than $300. Then call us, 570-1949. You got something that's worth more than a $300 GoPed, call us right now. And if you want the GoPed,

55:57You call us. We'll give you the go-ped. You give us whatever you got. Okay? I kind of want to ride it around. The go-ped? In here. It runs. No, dude. You can't. You know why you can't? Gas. Gas. We'll die. We'll die. We'll die. We'll kill you. We'll die. Dude, if you start a... We'll leave the door open. No, no, no. If you start a gas grill indoors, it'll kill you. It will. I'm not buying your bed. You don't think it will? No. You think you would have to run it for a while in order for it to get you? Yeah, of course. Not a couple laps. It won't hurt anybody. Oh, no. It will kill us. It will kill us. We'll be dead. On the spot. Immediately. CO poisoning. Hey, guys. Yeah. Garrett. Is that Garrett? It's your program director, Garrett. Hi, Garrett. Can you do me a favor? Sure. Try not turning any lawnmowers or go-pets on inside the building. Okay. Sorry. You guys get your IQ adjusted over the last couple of days? Yeah, sorry. Just trying to do a funny bit.

56:59Oh, yeah, it's hysterical killing an entire floor. It's hysterical. Hey, it'd be radio history, wouldn't it? Yeah, it sure would. That's true. Nobody in radio history has ever killed anybody by gas fumes. Put us on the map. Follow that up with. Oh, that's funny. Why are you on a megaphone, Garrett? I'm not. I'm on the telephone. Oh, you're on the telephone. All right. It's in the loudspeaker. Maybe don't mess up my bed. All right, so there's a Mexican sportscaster. Her name is Inez Sands. She's a foxy mama. Oh, yeah. She's a foxy mama. Now, listen to this, though. She is the self-proclaimed hottest sports reporter in Mexico. Oh, self-proclaimed? Self-proclaimed. A legend in her own mind. Wow. If you name yourself the hottest sports reporter in Mexico, what are you, and this is a genuine question, this isn't rhetorical, if you're self-proclaimed as the hottest sports reporter in Mexico, what are you asking people to recognize about you? That you're hot. That you're hot? Your hotness. Your hotness. Your look. So let me get this straight. So she is not the smartest sports reporter in Mexico. She doesn't go by that.

58:19She doesn't go by the most knowledgeable sports reporter in Mexico. And she doesn't go by the most well-traveled sports reporter in Mexico that would give people the impression, oh, wow, she goes to cover, you know. Soccer in Ireland. Well, she looks pretty well traveled, by the way. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? She looks a little haggard. Do you think? Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought she was real pretty. Oh, no. She looks a little haggard. The first picture I saw of her was back of the head, back of the derriere. Yeah. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Is that the sideline picture? That's the sideline picture. I thought it was. I thought it was enhanced. Bam. No, I saw it. It's a picture that everybody's... And then the front's like, wow, she works hard to make that try to look good. Yeah. That makes my mouth water. Not mine. She works hard to make that look good? She does a ton of work on herself to make, you know? It just further perpetuates this whole I'm the hottest whatever. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's fake hair, probably fake tan, fake...

59:29It's a very, like, done up, you know, like, I am sexy look. Yeah, but you can also see one of those if you, let's say you met her at a bar and took her home. You wake up in the morning, you have to chew your arm off to get out of there. Trust me. I disagree with Woods on that. She looks way haggard. Way haggard, bro. Way haggard, but. I got to see another picture, because, you know, honestly. I don't think she looks way haggard. I just think it, like I said, it further perpetuates the whole, like. She's just not accidentally attractive. Like, she is trying real hard. She went to the Jets game, was covering the Jets game, and reportedly, when she went into the locker room, the guys were hooting and hollering. Right. Imagine that. Yeah. Hey, we just got the hottest sportscaster in Mexico in here. Yeah, she's a former Miss Spain, by the way. Anyway, so they're hooting and hollering. Now, I'm thinking, now, if they know that she is... Hey, guys, look, it's the lady that calls herself the hottest sports reporter in Mexico. A couple of things. A, if Andrea Kramer went as the hottest sports reporter in America and she walked into a locker room, I don't think that it would be unusual that guys would hoot and holler. I don't think so either.

1:00:51The other deal is that I don't think that Andrea Kramer wears tight jeans and a tight white blouse. I don't think she does that. You're opening yourself up to, oh, well, she's asking for it because of what she wore. I don't necessarily feel that either. She wasn't assaulted. Well, no, exactly. And had she been assaulted, I just said, these guys should get arrested. Right, exactly. But I think... Man, the way I feel about it is that she... I don't even want to say it. I can't say it. What? I can't say it. You can say it. I can't say it. Oh, I'm going to get killed. We'll help you. I'm going to get killed. I'm going to get killed. Too late. You know what I'm going to say. She was asking for it. No! I'm going to say there's places that certain genders shouldn't be and vice versa. There's places that she probably shouldn't go into. And there's places that I don't go into WNBA locker rooms to get audio. I just don't. Well, it's not that she shouldn't be there. No, but Ella B., did you know that girls go into the locker room and the guys are walking around naked? Yeah. They're nude. They're nude. Yeah, I wouldn't do it. But yeah, and you kind of have to be like, all right, try to look above the waist. But yeah, you're going to expect some jeers, some...

1:01:58You can see some things. I only think that you expect the jeers if you are the self-proclaimed hottest reporter in Mexico. Now, if you say, no, that's not true, well, then what you're saying is that it's okay for us to do and say whatever we want and that the reaction to whatever we do or say should be exactly what we want. And that's not the case in life. Well, I bet you... Because she's the self-proclaimed hottest reporter in Mexico, sports reporter, if she didn't get the attention, she'd have a bit of an ego blow to be like, oh, maybe I'm not as hot as I thought. Yeah. I just don't think that's a good spot for somebody to be. A female to be in a men's locker room with 53 grown men walking around nude, fresh out of the shower, fresh out of practice, adrenaline. A lot of testosterone. Testosterone flowing. For their safety. Not that they're not. worthy to go cover sports because some of the – it's funny. You ask me men anchors. I don't know. I know the women. I know Aaron Anders. I know Andrea Kramer, and I know Robin Roberts, and those are the ones that I like. You know what I mean? So it's not that they can't do the job or shouldn't do the job. It's just that that environment for them is just a really tough spot to put them in, I think. Well, let's take a listen to some of the fallout because – well, first what I'm going to play for you is she was on Good Morning America yesterday. Inez Sands, that's her name.

1:03:24She was on Good Morning America. And then Clinton Portis from the Redskins made some comments and had to apologize for those comments later in the afternoon. But first, her on Good Morning America. The minute I walk in, I start to hear a lot of noises and voices talking about me, evidently. But I pretend not to. Imagine if Sienna were Mexican. What did they say? What did you hear? No, he's like, oh my goodness, she's cute. It's the Mexican Sierra. She has the sexiest, raspiest, you know. I just say, you know. I walk in there. They're making noises. They were making noises. And I was like, what is wrong with you? Are you a Mexican or a Mexicant? Okay, I want to be Mexican. That kind of thing. Can we please save that little piece of audio right there? That just... That little clip. Of her saying, okay, I want to be Mexican. In the moment, I really noticed that I have the old attention of the locker room, so I decided to go straight to the Mark Sanchez locker and not to turn around. She went to the Mark Sanchez's locker, okay, because she's going to interview the Mark Sanchez, and that's where it all kind of went down. That's the moment when I start to tweet her, and I say, okay, it's an embarrassment. She started to tweet her? Twitter. Okay.

1:04:46My mistake, you know, I thought that was, she started to tweet her. Tweet her. Okay. But I'm perfect in control. I didn't feel that I was in danger or something. You've been in locker rooms before, right? Yes, yes. And nothing like this ever happened before? Nothing like... You say that to any other woman, it's insulting. But it just so happens she's a reporter. Right. Somebody walk up to L.O.B. on the street and go, you've been in a lot of locker rooms. Get that look about you. L.O.B. As strong as this. But I wasn't concerned. And I must say that I'm not the one who make the charge and who say I'm feeling comfortable and please do something. I'm not the one. Who's the one then? It is people who's making this a federal issue. What do I think about it? I don't even care. I've been in a locker room. They say to me, I like it the way you look. And I say, I like it the way I look. What do you want? I am happy they say this about me. They say, ooh, look, she's banging. She's banging. And I say, I'm happy to be banging. What kind of look do you think I'm going for? I want to be this look. Thank you. More about the incident from her.

1:06:06The problem begins with a colleague of mine came with me and told me, I'm so sorry. Colleague. Colleague Woods. A colleg. Colleg. Okay, so she messed it up a tiny bit. Sorry. In the translation. Sorry. From Spanish to English. A colleg. A colleg. A colleg. Other countries aren't as uptight as we are. So who's the one making the big issue? Probably another reporter. Another reporter. Another reporter. She tweeted. And somebody saw it and then got all up in arms. And another reporter was like, I was there. I saw it. It was so offensive. I guess, I think at one point they threw footballs her way. Oh. Teasing her. Just like, you know what I mean? Right. Playing grab ax. They were probably trying to have fun. Yeah. Not be jerks. Yeah. L.O.B. Did he not like it?

1:07:26I just feel bad for saying stuff about her now when she wasn't the one complaining. I actually thought that. I wonder if she even cared. I focus on my job. You know, you need to do sometimes what you need to do. They may have heard things that you didn't hear. Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly. So in a minute, I only wait for Mark. I made the interview go out. And on Sunday, I wake up with a call for NFL that they are talking about the incident. The security department want to approach me and say, we need to talk about. what happened with the Jets. So I say, okay, what happened? Because I didn't even think about it. So they say, no, no, it's a very serious subject that we need to investigate. So I say, okay, if you need me like a witness, yes, in this case, I'm the witness and obviously a little bit of victim, but I'm the witness also because I'm not the one who make the charge. Hmm.

1:08:29I want to interrupt because in our trade-up for charity, we got something pretty cool. Is this M1 Benjamin from Swami's? Yeah, this is him. Good, dudes. What do you have that you can trade us for a $300 value GoPed? I've got a 9.6 gun surfboard. It's made for either Waimea Bay or Toto Santos or Mavericks. Wow. It's probably about five bills, but as far as saving your life, it's priceless, man. It's the best board in the world. Wow. Dude. That is great, man. Thank you. That's killer. Yep. Okay, hang on the line, okay? All right. All right, so now that's what we're up to, a $500 value. Five bills. $500 value. Nine-foot surfboard, which is fantastic. Call us if you want to trade. You want that surfboard real bad. You're like, I got to have it. And you got something that maybe you can give up that's worth more than $500. Call us. When we come back, we are going to talk. Well, first of all, when we come back, you're going to hear Clinton Portis' comments that got him in trouble yesterday. But also, when we come back, we're going to be talking to Woods' pedicure lady. Pedicurist. Pedicurist. His personal pedicurist. Really? Yeah. Talk to her next. In just a little bit, about 10 minutes, we're going to be getting our ear.

1:10:40Hair waxed and our nose hair waxed on the radio. Nervous? I'm nervous. Yeah, I'm nervous. It'll be really quick. This is like beauty week for me. Oh, my God. It'll be really quick. It'll just hurt like a Band-Aid. Beauty week. Yeah, L-O-B, you probably are like, what's your guy's problem? What do you mean? Because you do stuff that's way harsher. The sensitive areas. The sensitive areas. And so. Well, I mean, they can do them if you want them to. Dude. The girls were like, when they came in before, they were kind of mouthing to me like, oh, are you going to do it too? And I went like this and I was pointing to my cross region. I think they thought that I wanted. They're like, no. We're not prepared. If I'd ever done that before. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Like pointing down. They're like, no, that girl should go to jail. Calm down.

1:11:38Well, Woods is right. It really has been a beauty week for him. Just one of the guys. So let me update people. Let me just kind of reset this for you. Yesterday, was it yesterday that we told the story? Yes. Sure was. Over the weekend, Woods was out and about and decided, because he saw this place and very spontaneously decided. I'm going to walk in there right now and I'm going to get a pedicure. And he didn't have any problem doing it because he knew that he wasn't going to be recognized. The reason he knew he wasn't going to be recognized was because this place that he went into is all Asian women. So he wasn't worried. Only thing is, he got the one and only Caucasian girl that works here. I got the Caucasian instead of the Asian. Yeah. blonde girl, Elizabeth. Cute. Yeah. And she did the normal bit. Started asking you what you do, that kind of thing. And Woods, who was mortified to let her know that he is a radio personality, instead told her that he's in real estate. First thing that popped in my mind. Should have told her I played for the Padres.

1:13:06Mergers and acquisitions. Yeah, exactly. Yes, I'm in mergers and acquisitions. Real estate, and mind you, I'm in surfing shorts, V-neck T-shirt, and this stupid newsboy hat. That's so great. Well, we went in yesterday, and she said she would love to come on the radio and discuss it. Her name is Elizabeth. Are you there, Elizabeth? I'm here. How are you? I'm great. How are you guys? Hi, Elizabeth. Nice to hear from you again. I would. Only thing is, is that her boss won't let her say the name of the place because her boss doesn't know who we are and what we're about. Right. But I will tell you this, Elizabeth. I think that you did a wonderful job. His feet look fantastic. Thank you. Aren't you so shiny now? They are so shiny and beautiful. And you used a little pumice stone on the bottom of the feet. Nice and smooth. Nice and smooth. Yeah. They were pretty gnarly. Tell us, you know, because we gave our side of the story. You know, we heard Woods' side of the story. I just want to know what your impressions were when this guy came walking in in his little white V-neck T-shirt to get a pedicure. What were your thoughts? Well, only guy that's come in.

1:14:33He's the only straight guy. He's just the only straight guy that's ever come in. There are very few straight guys that come in. Well, I was just trying to make small talk like you do. And I guess the other girls that work with me don't really have that problem because a lot of people just assume they're not going to speak English or they're not going to try to talk to them. Which is what Woods was hoping for, by the way. That's exactly what I needed. I get my next one in Korea. Yeah, maybe you actually cry to Seoul. I don't know if I should be offended or not. No, you shouldn't. So he sits down, and you thought, oh, well, look at you, Tiger. We start talking, so I can definitely tell that he's straight.

1:15:28You could. So I'm just trying to make small talk and ask him what he does. And he comes up with real estate. He comes up with real estate. Did you suspect... Now, did you even... When he first said real estate, did you suspect that that was not true? Or did you actually buy that? Well, I'm going to give everybody the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I had no reason. Maybe it's his day off and he... you know, dressing down. Even though I'm M1 Lizzie girl and I knew exactly who I was. Yeah. Maybe he's dressing down. Maybe, you know, maybe he's decided to go into a different career like panhandling. Yeah. I heard a lot of real estate agents are doing that these days. That's right. No doubt. And so what did you ask him? Yeah. Well, I started asking him real estate questions because I kind of want a new condo and it never hurts to pick somebody's brain and i asked him like you know when he thought the market would recover and he doesn't he doesn't have very educated answers what'd you say wedgie uh i think i said something like it's uh you know real estate's really cyclical you know it's yeah we're in a downturn now but you know it's gonna rebound it always does you know i grew up my

1:16:51But dad was in the real estate business, so was my mom. So, you know, I could speak a hair on it. Right. And that's it. Yeah. Just enough to sound, you know. I would think someone that is actually a real estate agent would think, oh, a potential client and say something like, you know, now is a great time to buy. Yeah. I know. I know. I mean, wouldn't a real estate guy. pull his card out and be like, hey, listen, you know, if you ever need anything, you know. Yeah, you're in the market for a condo. I can help you. I actually have several right now, several listings. Yeah, I didn't do any of that. I'm not in real estate. And if I were faking it, that's what I would say. I can come up with that. That is fantastic. Dude, she could have been more of a real estate person than you were. Yeah, 100%. She's like, cool. Well, thanks. Yeah. So, oh my gosh. I mean, I kept, I kept going with it, Mikey, and I was asking him about interest rates, and the answers just kept getting better and better. I wasn't going to call him out because I want him to come back and get another pedicure. That's fantastic. So I can embarrass him and call him out. Well, you're his personal pedicurist. Oh, I'll be back. Yeah, he'll be back. There's no question. You are his personal pedicurist, so he will. There's no question. Good, and you can bring all your guy friends. I will. I will. I'm sure they'll be lining up.

1:18:09Clay Aiken just called on the other line and said that he thought that was gay. Hey, listen, Elizabeth, thank you for being a good sport, and thanks for saying you'd come on yesterday and the whole deal. We love you. Thank you very much. All right. Hey, I'm going to come in and get a pedicure, too. Of course you are. Good. I'll save you a seat. Thank you. Thanks a lot. I love it. All right. We'll see you. Sounds like a sweet girl. She's very sweet. Very nice. Very nice gal. All right, are you ready to do this? Yeah. All right, let's have the ladies come in. Did you guys clean out the pipes? I didn't, so it should be a train wreck. I did. Clear out the caves? I did. I tried to clean my nose the best that I could. I didn't know this, but I had met these ladies before at a restaurant, really, really good restaurant in Solana Beach called Blanca. Oh, yeah. And they both worked at Blanca, but their hair is different, and I did not recognize them. So come on in, ladies. Now, Woodsy, Kaylin does your hair, right? She sure does. She does a hell of a job, too. That's right. You're his personal hairstylist. You give him his PHC. His perfect haircut. Every time. It's perfect. How long have you been? Sit down. Go ahead. Have a seat, ladies. Have a seat. I just got to move this so I can see. All right.

1:19:39Okay, so yeah, you guys got to share the microphone. You got to make sure you talk really super close to this microphone, okay? And, okay, so both of you guys are, you cut hair, both of you, right? Just me. Just you. I'm the receptionist. You're the receptionist. Yeah. Okay. She's a licensed esthetician. You're a licensed esthetician? Now, what does that mean? What do they do? It means you can work on cars. You can work on cars and diesel engines. And diesel engines. Yeah. No? No. Yeah, brain science. What is an esthetician? Right in the mic. Okay, right in the mic. Just skin therapy. Yeah. So you could do facials? Waxing. Yeah. I love that. When I go on vacation and no one knows, I get facials. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Big girly man. Do you think that would you, you know, they do? Yeah. But are they all gay men? No. Straight guys? If I came in there, would you be like, I'm sure this little tiny Mexican's gay because he's getting a facial? A facial. I'd make fun of you a little bit. You would? Like silently inside your head? Yeah. These women both have perfect teeth. I'm just giving you observations. Perfectly white, straight teeth. Thank you. They both have blonde hair. Okay, so who's going to put this stuff in my nose? We both are. You both are? Yeah. Okay. We're just taking a nostril.

1:21:03The way that it works is that they dip the little, it looks like a little tiny popsicle. A little dipstick. It's like a little popsicle stick you dip in the wax. Oh, wow, Kaylin, you're really married. Like, that means business. I can't thank my husband for that. Oh, my gosh, she is not joking around with that. Is he a Padre or a Charger? He's Polish. He's in the soccer. He's not really into the... He's a musician. He's a musician? Does he have a platinum album out? No. Yes, it's Vince Neil. By the size of that ring, he's got a platinum album out. That's right. He let me design it. Oh, wow. Didn't we all? No. You can find yourself with it. Is this the baguette? Is that the design? What do you call this design? It's a cushion cut in a basket setting. That's gigantic. Wow. Thank you. My goodness. Thank you. What do you mean you designed it? You took out a piece of paper and a pen and you were like... He let me pick out what diamond shape I wanted and the size. We had a friend in La Jolla who's a goldsmith. Don't we all? He drew up what I told him I wanted. We all do, Mike. Everybody does. How old are you? 20.

1:22:28How old are you? 21. You're already married at 20? When did you get married? January 3rd. How old is your hubby? 23. 67. 67. Dear Edgar is 79 years old. I just love him so much. I love him so, so much. For what's inside. Yeah. I'm like, what do you guys have in common? We both like soup. And talking about soup. And we just... I like to travel. He likes to watch me travel. He likes to watch me travel. He packs for me. He packs for me. Well, he doesn't pack, but he watches me pack. He watches me pack. Because, you know, Edgar can't get out of the chair, but he's so sweet. He's so sweet. And he is so funny when he talks. But he doesn't talk very often because he mostly sleeps because of the really heavy medication. You know who's funny is his nurse. His nurse is hysterical. She's hysterical. Yeah. Her name's Estelle. She's 55. And, you know, same age as his daughter. But, you know. All right. Okay. So let's do this. Try not to judge me. Try not to judge me. I'm up. Let's go. Now, while Kaylin is doing his nose, you're going to do mine.

1:23:45Okay. And, oh, it's black like tar. It's blue. Oh, it's blue. It's hard wax, so it's hot now, but it's going to harden in your nose. What? Okay, now. First time I've ever heard that. Yeah, me too. We have to let it cool a little lake. Okay. So they don't sear our noses. Say again? It's a little hot. Yeah. Okay, so the benefit is, obviously, that you have a nice, clean inner nose. You can breathe. A lot of athletes do it, actually. Okay. And is it kind of like any other hair to where when you do this, it will grow back faster? Is that going to be the deal? No. It doesn't grow back faster. It comes back in thinner, right? Yeah. Back in thinner. Yeah. Because I don't want it to be like macrame coming out of my nose. No doubt. I want to have Pippi Longstocking braids. Willie Nelson braids. Willie Nelson braids. I don't want to look like Wendy is hiding. I don't want to look like Wendy from Wendy's. Like her little red-headed braids are hanging out of my nose, you know? All right, I'm ready. Oh, God. All right, they're twisting, they're twisting, and they have to cool it down. Oh, look at this. Woods has his nostrils flared. She's smearing it all in the inside of his nose. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

1:25:10Oh, that looks good, Woods. How long does it take to harden? 30 seconds is it. Woods' eyes are already watering. They're already watering. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Oh, Mike. Oh, here it comes. Oh, here it comes. Mikey leans back his head. Lean back my head. Feed me. Nostrils flared. Okay. Look at all that wax. She gave Mikey extra wax. She knows he's got a big nose. Yeah, I got a schnoz. Oh, that's so warm. Oh, that's so warm. And warm. Oh, my God. Now, is it normal that you usually relieve yourself, or is that unusual? Is that unusual? No. That's just you. It's just me? Yeah, let's do the other one. I want mine done, too. All right, so it takes 30 seconds. 30 seconds? You're not doing this, LLB? No! It tickles so much already. I just watched the girls just set up my area, and they did it in my area. That's great. They did it in your area? They did it. Okay, so this has to solidify. Oh, wow. Woods. Hi, buddy. Hey, how you doing? It's in your mustache. It's in my mustache. Oh, man. Is that bad? Is it going to tear my mustache off? It's not a mustache. It's going to tear my mustache off. It's going to tear my mustache off. What do you need? Tissue. Tissue. Your voice sounds the same, so that's good. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. It's going to pull your mustache off. Chris, do you want to get some tissue and maybe a first aid kit? It's going to be great.

1:26:37She's like, as a joke, we've decided to make you look like Hitler. It's going to be a reverse Hitler. It's a reverse Hitler. You're going to have a bald spot, and then it's not going to grow back for a while in your mustache. Oh, that's fantastic. That's what they told L.O.B. last time she went into her wax. Yeah. Gross. Oh, wow. That's a good look, Mikey. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. I wish you guys could see this. Oh, my God. I'm in a wedding this weekend, by the way. I think it's going to be the worst. Chase is going to be the worst, she said. Ouch, owie, ow, owie, ow. Kaylin. Kaylin. Did she just say mayday? Mayday, mayday. Come here, Kalen. They have a safety word. They have a safe word. Yeah, she's like, she's like, Pellegrino, Pellegrino, Pellegrino. You're screwed. He's dead. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. Kalen just looked at me. Kalen just looked at me with a look that went, oh yeah, you're done. Oh yeah. Your life as you know it.

1:27:39Just changed. Uh-oh. What will happen? Oh, it's not that bad. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Scissors? Don't worry. I'll shave my mustache off. Yeah. I cannot wait for the pictures of this. Go ahead. Just tear that sucker off. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, that's going to hurt. It's all hard like a scab. That's going to hurt. Part of my mustache is coming off. That's dynamite. If I weren't, if I weren't, so. Are we ready? Oh, God. Oh, God. She's about to pull. Is it ready? Here she goes. She's going to pull woods. Get a good shot of this, Chris. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Look at this. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh

1:28:37It's a hay bale. It's a hay bale. She's pulled a hay bale. Where'd it go? Yeah, you do. We do. Absolutely we do. Holy crap. That was... My mustache is going to come off. I saw his forehead kind of indent in when they pulled it really hard. Are you ready? Oh, my kid hurts. Is it ready? It hurts. Okay, here we go. Oh, this should be good. It hurts. Part of Mikey's mustache is gone. And there's a little bit of blood on his nose. Oh my gosh. He's bleeding a little bit. Oh my gosh, that is hysterical. My mustache just came off. Oh, my gosh. Please give me a mirror. Please give me a mirror. Please give me a mirror. You know what, though? Listen, I have a solution. All we have to do is wax that other part of my mustache. No problem. We'll do it in about a minute. I'm dry heaving over here. We broke, by the way, we broke the popsicle stick on me. Oh, my gosh.

1:29:53Do we have do we have a mirror cuz I got to see it Lauren is bent over and she has this look on her face. That's going poor If I leave this in too long will it will it be permanent? Yeah, I'll go. I'm ready Oh, great She said that's what hers look like to my other one. Oh, that hurts so bad We should put the other ones in and we should probably break. Oh, yeah, by the way, I'm dabbing off the blood

1:30:50Do not hold me responsible for that. I didn't do it. Look at me. That's all there. You can only see it when you pull your nose down. When you pull your lip down. It's gone. Yeah, you can tell. You can tell big time, Mikey. That's hilarious. Okay, do we have to take a break? We do, we do, we do. We're late. This one. Oh, gosh. Do we have any bandages? Is there a nurse? Oh, my goodness. That stinks, that stinks, that stinks. That is hysterical. All right, we'll come back. We'll do my other nostril. It's our first day in our new studio, and Woodsy has a big glob of wax in his nose right now. We'll be right back. We all three have sticks in our nose. We had to wait through the commercial break to come back to pull the other things out of our nose. I'm not ready for this. I don't want it. I am. Well, we had a little mishap, okay? All right, things happen. Slight. Sometimes things happen. They go awry. Sometimes things go awry. A little bit of wax dripped down to my mustache.

1:32:48So, you know, maybe she gave me a reverse Hitler. Yes, she did. It's a good look for you. Yeah, it's called the reverse Hitler. It's, you know, so what else? It's barely noticeable. I can only notice because I'm looking for it and I saw it happen. I can totally notice. You can notice from... Cleveland. You can be in Cleveland and you'll see it. That's from Sarah, the executioner. That's right. She got you. That's me everywhere. Kaylin and Sarah are in the studio. They're from Arezzo. And they, you know, Kaylin cuts Woodsy's hair. Yep. And are you guys ready to pull these out? Yep. All right, so. I'm over. I'm not ready for this. Oh, no, no. I don't want it. I don't want it. Oh, wow, that hurt. Oh, wow, that hurt. I got more. What? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I heard the rip. Wow, that was not good. Oh, that gets you, doesn't it? Oh, you're looking at your stick, Mike? There's like a lot more on this one. I got some long hair. Oh, the whole roots come out and everything. Woodsy, let me see. You can like breathe freely now. Oh, wow. How freaking filthy is that? Look, they love it. They get them and they look at them and they're like, oh, I got you there. We should go for a run now that we can breathe. Holy cow.

1:34:11No more snoring. Yeah. It's like a lollipop. Who wants to bite my lollipop? L.O.B. Are they gone yet? Look at Lauren. She looks like she's going to throw up. She almost hurled. I almost did. I can't look again. Stop! Stop! Oh, my. Doesn't it feel good, though? Yeah, it does. How long will it last? Stop! Seriously, stop. I'm going to throw something at you. How long until it... Three or four weeks. Look, they got the medical kit. Oh, look at the engineers just came in with the medical kits. Very nice. Very nice. Where's the injury? Right there. Holy crap, that hurt. Oh, yeah. But, you know, I'm going to be happy. I won't have any hair on my nose for a long, long time. Oh, I get such bad nose hair, too. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Look at that. Right when the food comes in. Yeah, right when the food comes in. Yeah. Well, ladies, that was really...

1:35:12It was fun. You're welcome. It was fun. Thank you. And it was cool because now I'm going to have a clean nose for a long time. Yeah, ditto. I do have to cut this, right? No, you don't even have to. No, it's fine. I just let it flow. No, it's just fine. You're fine, seriously. No, seriously, you'll be fine. It's fine. It's not going to mess with me. If people ask you about it, I'll just be like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean? It just doesn't grow in right there. Just for some reason. You do? Yeah. It's a new look. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, listen. I love it. I like it. And I'm happy to have it. Yeah. Absolutely. I am, too. Once more of it. Now that it's over, I'm ecstatic. Yeah. What's he had some long nose hairs? Mm-hmm. They poke out from time to time. That was good. That was long. Are you going to do your ears? No. She trims my ears for me. How do you trim them? With a little electric trimmer. Clippers. Come and see if I need it. I might not need it. I stay very manicured. You guys have to have an iron stomach to do that. How do you do it? Do you have something to do it? No, you don't have any? Oh my gosh, she wants to use the wax. I think they're sadists. I think they are too. I think they're sadists. I use the trimmer. But you don't have the trimmer, right? No, we'll come into Arizo.

1:36:44Are those scissors? Arezzo Salon and Spa. Arezzo, is that how you say it? Arezzo Salon and Spa. Okay. And where is it located? La Costa Carl's Bad. There you go. You can find us on Facebook. Do you use it? You can't do it with scissors, right? Like you could sniff it, you know. Don't I really have problems if I have to take scissors inside of me? Yeah. It's a really long black one. Okay, good. I have to shave my ears. Take those off and stick those here where your stash used to be. Can you do it with wax? Yeah. Check my other ear. Oh, God. I don't want to see this. Let me see my other ear. No! Ha! I don't have a unibrow. No, you don't. Is there one? Here, you have to look at my ears. My ears are ridiculous. Do they do the outside of the ears? I have hair growing on the outside of my ears. Yeah, Jay's ears are like Yoda. I'm an elf. Unibrow. Do I have a unibrow? No, you have a clear separation. Do mine. Dude, hey, listen to that. Look at that, you can run track now.

1:37:51Candy. Oh, wow. It's fantastic, Woods. All right. We're good, right? Yeah, we're good. Thank you, guys. Thank you. That was really awesome. That was awesome. That was very great. Thank you. I loved that. That's great. I would do it again. I would do it again because, you know, I pick my nose. And I don't like that I, I don't like the hair gets in the way and everything. You had a really clean nose. I did? Yeah. Yeah, I feel like, you know. I feel like where we came. I feel like you're right. Yeah, you're right. I feel like maybe I did. Yeah. I just took a little paper towel. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That's always funny when you run into those. I'll tell you what, though. I'm clean as a whistle now. Me, too. Lauren looks traumatized. I think I am. Yeah. I don't know who. Kept sticking that stick in my face. Jay. But that, I seriously almost threw up on the news board. That's creepy Uncle Jay. I agree. Stomach is flipping. Thank you. It was wonderful. No, no, no. Here, let me take that. Thanks a lot. Bye, ladies. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you. Close the door. Close the door. Close the door.

1:39:19So I can talk freely. Okay, so I'm going to talk freely now. So Kalen says to Sarah, now you know why you're the receptionist. I'm saying what she said. I didn't say it. Oh, gosh. She said it. Feels good, though, right? Yeah. Let's see. That hurt. M1 Orlando from San Carlos. You there? Hey, I can't believe you guys are doing that. I got hair on my nose. I'd rather get hit by a car. Orlando, do you have a goatee? Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if part of your goatee got ripped off in the process. Thank you.

1:40:19Yeah, that's what I did. I just got my face waxed. Thank you. I was so distracted that I don't remember what she said when I asked how long it takes to grow back. What did she say? I didn't hear her. A couple months. Sarah, how long does it take to grow back? Months, not months. Oh, she's doing Jay's ear. She is? Yeah. I think she's waxing his ear. I didn't have any work to do. Yeah, she is. Yeah, Jay's just hanging out, having some, you know, bangers and mash. Pantsless. You think I think the best way to get my ears done is for me to take my pants off and have you sit on my lap? Oh, my gosh. Hey, Woods. What? The rating didn't change because we came into a new studio. Woods, he's like, it's X-rated now, right? I mean, I could say whatever, right? Was that X-rated? R-rated. That was PG-13, pal. You haven't been to a movie since 1929, right? Well, the last talkie I actually saw. The last movie Mikey saw in the theater was License to Drive. No, I saw the first King Kong. Oh, gosh. Chris is doing it, too. It's Chris. Just a whole lot of waxing going on out here. She's running around waxing everybody's nose. How did Chris get talking about that? He's like, by the way, can you go and hit mine up while you're here? Can I get in on this?

1:41:57That's girls. Oh my gosh, she's got both at the same time. Oh, at the same time. Not the girls, the sticks. Those girls really like pulling people's hair out. Oh, they love it. They want to see the result. Yeah, they're proud. I can't even look at the result. It actually literally turned my stomach. They take pride in the result. How much hair they're able to get. Okay, the Clinton Portis thing. Yes. Long enough to pay this thing off for you. So the Clinton Portis thing, what it is, is that this female reporter in Mexico went into the Jets' locker room. And they were hooting and hollering because she's the self-proclaimed hottest sportscaster in Mexico. Well, listen to what Clinton Portis said that he later had to apologize for. You play in the locker room, see guys walking around naked. You know, you see all of a sudden you see a nice woman. You just have dental work done? Full of Novocaine?

1:43:15What's so wrong about that? He's saying, well, she obviously thinks these guys are hot. You put a girl in a room of 53 athletes, one of them is going to be appealing to her. And what does that have to do with people yelling at her? Right. When you take it in context, though, Woods, like of what we're talking about and him saying that, that sounds bad. Hmm. No? No. I mean, it's not that bad what he said. He's obviously right. She's definitely attracted to one of them. How do we know she is? Let's reverse it, Mike. Let's reverse it. Let's put a guy in a locker room with 53 women walking around nude. Is there not going to be one that he's going to go, well, I'm in on that. What's your point during this conversation? What does one thing have to do with the other? And to say that during this conversation? Saying maybe, and I think his point is not.

1:44:35having those women in the locker room. I think that's his point. What we're talking about is that guys were hooting and hollering over a hot girl in the locker room and that may be kind of like sexually harassing it. In the middle of that conversation he goes, oh and she's attracted to him. We know it. She's attracted to one of them. Huh? In the middle of this? I just don't see anything majorly wrong with that. I don't think it's like total outlandish statement. It just doesn't apply. Who's giggling, by the way? Sportscaster. Sportscaster. You know he's giggling? He's like, oh my gosh, we just hit the jackpot. Yeah, thank you for that gold. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like very, well, not totally unrelated, just not. Not really related. No. Well, anyway, he got in a lot of trouble for it, and he had to say he was sorry to the NFL. Right. What team? Deadskins, right? The Deadskins, yep. That's what I thought. Let's see. Idiots. Word of the day today is parakeet. When you hear me use the word parakeet in a sentence, be caller number nine, you get his and her glasses worth $160. Sunglasses. This is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. A gynecologist is being sued because he branded the patient's name on her uterus.

1:46:18Weird. Yeah. I would say that qualifies as weird. He removed it. Okay. She's a 47-year-old hairdresser from California. And she alleges that the branding was done for no medically necessary purpose or reason. And that she somehow suffered burns on her legs while he was doing this. Her lawyer called it inexcusably bizarre behavior. and also said that the doctor was fooling around and having fun. How does she know? Was there, like, a taping of the surgery or something? I don't know. I don't know. But they even put a picture of her. Because I know sometimes, like, you got a video of your eye surgery. Oh, I see how they did. It was during a follow-up visit that they learned of it. Oh, my God. Well, she complained about burns that she had during it, and the gynecologist...

1:47:29provided them with about 50 digital images, including pictures showing him riding on it. Oh, my gosh. As well as pictures of him holding it afterwards. Ah, what a weirdo. It's a weird dude. It's a very, very weird dude. Well, first of all, it's weird to do it. Second of all, it's weird to not know that you shouldn't do it. And he clearly doesn't know that he shouldn't do it because he was showing it to him. Hey, check out what I did when you were in last time. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You have burns? I know what it might be. I was branding your uterus. Yeah. Gosh, it's weird. Here's a picture. It says Rob was here. Right. Yeah. For a good time call. Well, that was the thing. He wrote her name on it. Put her name. Janine or whatever. Her name. Oh, I thought he put his name. No. He branded her name on it. He's like, hang on. Let me get my uterus photo album out. Was he trying to keep track of it?

1:48:32That's what he said. He didn't want to get it confused with the other uteri that were laying around his offices. What a strange person. It's not as weird as I thought he branded his own name. I don't know. Yeah, either way. You know, there's something that we all get at the drugstore that isn't going to have any more FDA restrictions on it anymore. And I want to know, does that worry you? Mm-hmm. Does it worry you that cough medicine may not have restrictions on it anymore? I'll tell you about that. And we might be getting a visit from Wolfgang. I'm going to sneeze. It's going to feel good. How'd that feel? Mike. I've done that since I was 14. Why? Long story. All right. Oh, by the way, somebody got kicked out of the VMAs for their Nazi tattoos. I'll tell you who. Coming up. I got us a love sack. It's called a love sack. It's a big bean bag that three people can sit on. Nice.

1:50:33Got us one of those. Three? Three people can sit on it. No way. Yeah. Cool. Just going to get cool stuff for the studio. Perfect. Got an M1 parakeet in here. We'll have a baboon running around. We'll have a zebra. Or will it be a zebra? Will it just be a white horse with black stripes, like in Tijuana? So, like, on, like, Fridays and Saturday nights, can I just use the studio to hang out? Yeah. No parties in here. Hanging on the love sack. Have the hookah in here real good. The hookah. Raspberry tobacco. Yeah. Orange dream. What is that? It's tobacco. Oh, man. Remember when we were walking to our meet and greet that one time and we passed that hookah bar when we were walking in our skinny jeans? Yeah, you had to tell me what it was. I had to tell Mikey what it was. You didn't know what a hookah is? There's these two dudes. I didn't know what that place was. There's these two, I say dudes, I meant clowns, sitting at a table. It's 5 o'clock in the afternoon in there. I'm like, what are you, in Bombay, dude? Come on. Get the hell out of here. There's a place in PB, too. It does pretty well. It's tobacco, but it's flavored? It's flavored, yeah. Maybe smoke a Marlboro.

1:51:54Maybe don't smoke. Maybe don't smoke. That's what I meant to say. Yeah. I can tell. Doctor, school, law enforcement, they've always had an issue with over-the-counter cough stuff with kids and stuff like that. Well, now the FDA is going to allow a lot of this stuff. You don't have to have a prescription. So here's what they said. Today's FDA advisory committee decision not to recommend scheduling these cough medicines. Containing this wacky stuff as a controlled substance reflects the sound balance of the benefits of the over-the-counter medicines containing whatever this stuff is. We're talking about 120 cough syrups. Wasn't, what was the guy's name, the quarterback? Jamarcus Russell. He had an issue with cough medicine. Yeah, cough medicine and codeine syrup. You know, I've taken that stuff, you know, for cough. And it really does work really great for your cough, especially if you have a painful cough.

1:53:01But anyway. Yeah, but it's not supposed to, you know, be poured over crushed ice and mixed with grape soda and drank down like a drink. You know, I mean, that's the bit. You're not supposed to mix it with a Red Bull. No, you don't mix it and put it over ice and, you know, do it as a cocktail to get whacked out of your mind. Shake it up. Don't you? No. I don't. I don't. Hey, little Noah's coming in here. Mm-hmm. The youngest, he should be the youngest general manager in baseball. And he may be one day. Yeah, he's been featured on television here in San Diego. He's going back on this weekend. Yeah. They asked me if I wanted to go with him, but I couldn't because I'm going to be out of town. I was really bummed. 12 years old, this kid. Yep. And he's like a baseball GM, man. And Jed Hoyer, the GM of the Padres, wrote him a letter. Isn't that awesome? He said, dude, he's a smart kid, man. Yeah, you know, I wanted to talk to him again because the Padres have made a lot of moves since we last saw him. They made some great trades and things like that. Yeah. You know, they're playing good baseball. I mean, they're leading the West right now, and it's like two weeks, three weeks to go. So, you know. Well, I can't wait to talk to him. He's always fun to talk to. He's a good kid. Tonight's 8 o'clock album here on FM 94.9, UB 40, Labor of Love. Great CD. I used to have it on cassette. Weird. What's on that one that I might know? Red, Red Wine. Red, Red Wine. And I could sing every song. I have it on my iTunes.

1:54:27I could sing every song. Really? You love that CD? That was a tape that every song was good. She take the train running. I sound just like a white guy singing Jamaican. Absolutely. They were all British with red hair. If they could do it, I can. They were in town at the Bellyepa like, I don't know, like a year or so ago. They still got it. Yeah. So Jamie Lee Curtis went on The Tonight Show. He was trying to get her goat. Listen to this. Now, are you still doing those yogurt diarrhea commercials? You know what he's talking about? Activia. Activia. I've done commercials for other products. I have people come up and thank me. Every single day, wherever I am, anywhere in the world, someone comes up at least once or twice a day. Who thanked you here at the show? I want to meet them. Oh, she's getting mad. That's her sponsor, you know. I know. Then he calls it yoga diarrhea. Diarrhea, yeah. It's brilliant.

1:55:43Have you ever tried that stuff? No, but... I saw some in, like, where was it? Maybe my parents' house. Yeah, my parents. And I looked at it, and I was like, I think I taste, like, took a little taste. I was like, boo. That tastes just like yogurt. It does? I don't think so. Yeah. But you know what, L.O.B.? Taste test. Yeah, for sure, let's do a taste test. Because when I go to Jamba Juice, and I get a smoothie... Mm-hmm. If they ever say, do you want protein or any of that, no way. Because if they put any of that stuff in there, I think it makes it taste different. Yeah, I don't like the boosts. Yeah, it makes it taste different. I like the boost, surprisingly. Look at you. Yeah, I like the protein boost. Yeah. Look at little Noah's here. How you doing, Noah? It's good to have you in, buddy. Let me turn your mic on. You got to talk right into that thing. You know the drill. There you go. It's been a while. Yeah, it has. How you doing? Good. You've been... surprised at what's going on with these Padres? Nope. You're not. He called it. He called it. He did. I mean, that's got to be gratifying, right? I mean, you said before the season started that you thought they were going to do well. He sat in our studio and he said, I think they're going to win the West. And I said, I think you're nuts. I said, I just don't think they've got it yet, but they'll get there. I think we even asked him, how many games do you think that they'll win? Did we? And I said 80 to 90. And where are they at now?

1:57:0682. That's fantastic, man. Great Santini over here. 12 years old. And, well, Woodsy, what should we ask Noah about? Well, I wanted to ask him. There's his mom. Hi. I wanted to ask you, my man, about just the moves. What's been your favorite move that they've made? Well, I have loved Ludwig since, well, the entire time he was at Cardinal and at the deadline. I didn't think anybody knew he was available. Right. I didn't because the Cardinals were in first place. Noah did. He probably wrote Jed Hoyer and said, hey, you know Ludwig's out there. You need to go get him. What do you think about Miggy? I love Tejada. He's great. He's great. What a great game he had the other night. Knocked in four runs. He's been phenomenal. Who's been your biggest surprise? The biggest surprise has to be Latos. Matt Latos. He actually, at the beginning of the year, if you had told me that he'd have... A run and a half lower ERA than Tim Lincecum. Yeah. I'd be shocked. How many more wins does he have than Lincecum? I think they're actually the same except he has three less losses. Yeah, exactly. Who's your favorite for Cy Young in the NL? Either Latos or because Josh Johnson just got hurt. Yeah, he's done for the year. They shut him down. So he's not going to be the Cy Young award winner. Right. So, Noah, how about I have a question for you. Will, are we going to get?

1:58:34this deal, this thing start happening where we get all these great players that come up from the farm system that the Padres have and then we lose them because guys want to get them because they're so good? Well, it'll be at least after a player comes up through the farm system and hasn't played. Yeah. Unless we trade them, it will be at least six years. Oh, wow. Good. That's nice. So what's been your biggest, and I think I know what you're going to say, but I want to ask you who your biggest disappointment's been this year. Kyle Blank. I knew it. I knew you were going to say it. You predicted, that was one of the only things that you got wrong in your prediction, that he would hit about 40 bombs this year. I believed you so much, I went and picked him up on my fantasy team, and then he didn't do anything. But Noah, everything else you told me to do, I did. And I'm in like... I was in dead last place then, and I'm in fifth place now. There you go. That's my man. Good going. That is my man. Do you play fantasy baseball, Noah? Yes. Like a fiend. Yeah. He sends me, like, his moves and stuff. We email. Yeah. How many leagues are you in? Just one? Two. Two. And how are you doing in them? Really good. It almost doesn't seem fair. No, I know. It's not fair. You know, because he's so good. I mean, there's no doubt in my mind he's probably going to be a GM for a...

1:59:51major league baseball a scout a gm no question and next year on the news he's gonna be in if his mom will let him we'll meet at a starbucks he's gonna be doing my draft with me next year without question so his mom let's talk to mom gianna hello so gianna have you already picked out the lexus um and you know like do you guys do you ever just for fun you go hey Let's go out to Rancho Santa Fe and see what's available. I know, but I hear about it from Noah all the time. Like, when I'm GM, I'm going to have this, this, and this, and this. Right. What do you want? What is on your wish list? Well, my car would be a Mustang. Mustang. Nice. That'll change. Talk to him six years from now. He goes, my car will be a Bentley? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's awesome. Have you met any of the players? Yes. Who have you met? Pretty much everybody but Ludwig and Tejada. Yeah. Wow. Just the new cats. You'll probably meet them. Oh, I'm sure. They're going to hear about him. Yeah. Kid's a beast. He knows so much about baseball. He does. He's a beast. That's my man. Now, are you still playing ball or is it over? Season's been over for a while. How'd you guys do? Not so well. Not so well. Well, you know what?

2:01:09I got a new team. You're going to have to come out and watch my bunch play. Woodsy plays for the Tipsy Crows. Yeah, we're the Tipsy Crows now. We got a sponsor and everything. Kind of like I get paid to play baseball, so kind of like I'm a professional. It's kind of different, though, because you pay them. No, no, they pay now. I don't pay. It's sponsored. Yeah, it's sponsored. It's sponsored, so you don't have to pay to play the baseball? No, it's kind of like I get paid to play, and that would mean I'm kind of a professional ball player. True or false, you have written a check to play baseball. False. You have given cash to play baseball. False. You have used a credit card. False. To play baseball. You've robbed a liquor store. False. Before the season you had. Yeah, yeah. The first two seasons. This is our new season. We're sponsored. Yeah, I didn't mean within the last 10 minutes. I meant... No, you mean our new season? Yeah, your new season. Yeah, no, I haven't had to pay. How much money are you taking home in your pocket? Yeah, how much do you get to take home? Well, since I didn't pay the $200, it would be $200. It's like $200. At the end of the day, literally how much money comes in your pocket? $200. Yeah, Woodsy got signed to a $200 deal. Now, if Noah can ever pull off when he's GM, if you can ever get a player as good as Woodsy for $200, you'd be doing great. You'd be making the deal of the century. One might say I'm now a professional ball player. One might say. I wouldn't say. You're the one. I wouldn't say. You're the one. But one might say. You play ball like a girl. Do I?

2:02:36Well, thank you, Noah. That's my man. Oh, what do you got going this weekend? You got a big, you're going to be on the news or something again? We'll be on the post-game show. Are you really? On what channel? On Fox. That's so great. That's awesome. That is so great. He's going to be on Fox. Really? Now, what time and all that? After the game, around four. That's so awesome. That's so rad. I'm going to set it to tape. Yeah, I want to see it too. So fun to watch him. He was on all the news channels. And he's only 12, and the guy is going to be working in the Major League Baseball. Take me with you. That's right. Okay, well, thank you, Noah. We appreciate you, man. We love having you in here. Thank you, guys. We'll talk some more baseball soon, man. Thank you. Great to see you, Ryan. It's good to see you again. Our pleasure. Okay, so I was going to tell you about this VMA thing. I said that somebody got kicked out of the VMAs for their Nazi tattoos. You know who it was? It's the girl that was messing around with Jesse James. She got kicked out. Her name is Bombshell McGee. And she got kicked out because she had these tattoos. And backstage at the VMAs, that doesn't fly very well. Backstage anywhere, that doesn't fly very well. Kudos to MTV or whoever decided to kick her out. Yeah. I wonder if she was like...

2:04:03Yeah, it does say. It says that she was hopping mad. Not happy about the situation. They're like, look, chick. Jesse James has moved on. Nobody cares about you. And your Nazi tattoos. Yeah. She didn't respond to any of it. She said that in the past, the initials WP did not stand for white power. That they stood for something sexual. Which is obviously better. Obviously. Well, what about the swastikas? What do those stand for? Actually, in other countries, they do mean different things. A swastika? Yeah, I forget. I want to say like, I wish someone would call in or we could look it up online. Yeah, if you've heard that it stands for something else. In an Asian country, yeah. It might be turned a different way, but yeah, it stands for something else somewhere. It means Greenpeace. Right. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It means that you are a longshoreman. I thought the swastika was pretty obvious. It was like the sign. But I think even before the Nazis picked it up as a sign, it was something else. Something else. Maybe they did not invent it. Yeah. That could be it. I thought you meant after the swastika had been invented. They're like, ooh, that's nice. We'll make that. Switch it around. Sweetly. I got home yesterday and our nanny who's from Hungary. This report brought to you by... Sorry? What's that? Nope. You were saying?

2:05:35Oh, gosh. I wonder if there's a button that I can use. Just block J out? Well, you know, it just said... Not that necessarily, but you know. You know, guys, I'm flying the space shuttle over here, so how about you give me just a little leeway? A little bit of a break? We're making jokes. It's what we do. This report brought to you, but... It's genius. It's what we do. So I went home. We have a new nanny. She's from Hungary. Nita. Nita. And she said... You talk about me on the radio. Did she hear yesterday? No, but her friend back in Hungary was listening. Get out of here. No way. I'm not kidding. Online? His name is Andrew. He was listening online from Hungary. Andrew. Wow. And he said, you know, hey, it was very funny. I hear them. I hear him. He does voice. Does not sound like hungry. Is that what he said? But she says, oh, really? What does he say on the radio? Joke, joke, man. What does joke, joke, man say? And joke, joke, man, what was he talking? What was I talking about? We were doing Pulp Fiction Lines. That's right. We were doing Pulp Fiction Lines. That lasted a while. And I was making fun of myself because.

2:07:01I was having pork chops for dinner a couple of nights ago, and she went, what is this that you have? Oh, yeah, and you were a filthy little pig. Yeah, filthy little. You eat pork chop like filthy pig. Like pig, you are what you eat. Yes, they say you are what you eat, so. Oh, you are oink oink. Little piggy. But, yeah, to explain that. And Woods had kind of a nice little, a nice little. thing that happened with him when he was going surfing that we're going to tell you about in just a second. But first, we got M1 Sean on the line. And Sean's from Claremont. You know about this symbol deal, the swastika? Yeah, originally the swastikas were an Aryan symbol thousands of years ago when Aryans kind of came into India. Aryan? Aryan, yeah. Tomato, tomato. Aryan, Aryan, Aryan. Yeah. Okay. But it was used kind of more as a symbol of peace. Yeah. Actually, you find it above doorways still in some households in India. You know, it doesn't really strike a peaceful connotation here in America. No, Hitler adopted it, obviously used it as something entirely different. Obviously kept the Aryan roots of it to gain a following, but it was used as something entirely different and meant something exactly the opposite of that for 2,000 years. Wow, I didn't know that. Thank you for clearing that up. Thank you. I didn't know that.

2:08:24The poor guy that gets it as a peace symbol. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I swear. Yeah, I saw it. I didn't know the deal. M1 Lammy? Mamie. Mamie. Mamie with an M. There you go. How are you? Good, how are you? I'm good. You got a bracelet with a swastika on it? My to live by an Indian. Ah, your phone is breaking up. Probably an iPhone 4. What? Really? Are you there, Lamy? Mamie. Mamie? Mamie. It's Mamie. Like, hello, my Mamie. Hello, my darling. I don't think it's okay. No, no, no. Mamie, your phone is breaking up. Call us back when you get into better reception, okay? She was saying that her grandmother gave her something that had the symbol on it. But it was obviously peaceful, I guess. You know what you do with that?

2:09:25You throw it away. You put it in a drawer. Can you imagine if she just kept it around and she starts dating a new guy and he's like, oh. Oh, wow. Yeah, she's got her swastika earrings out in the kitchen. Where's your clan? Oh, my gosh. Hey, I was just using the restroom right now and I noticed. Couldn't help but notice. Couldn't help but notice your swastika earrings. Is there something that I. Yeah. Are you in a club that. I'm Jewish. Is this going to be a problem? Is this going to be a problem? Wow. Oh, no, no, no. My grandmother gave me those. They're meant to be peaceful. Sure. He's like, okay. Okay, see you later. Well, I tell you what, if you can, just take my phone number out of your cell phone. Forget I exist. Please forget that I was born. And I'll see you later. Oh, man. 570-1949. M1 Daniel from San Diego. Are you there, Daniel? Danielle. What do you know? Japan a couple months. Plastica's all over the place. And, you know, it was kind of a trip for us. We're thinking, why are there swastikas everywhere? Well, we asked someone, and they said that in, at least in Japan, it's a temple, like the building that they worship in, temple. Yeah, that's good. So it's all over the building. It's all over, like, incense wrappers. I'm going to Google image. Yeah. Pardon me, sir. What does that symbol above your door mean? It means peaceful. Peaceful? We asked. They're everywhere. It was weird for us. It means peaceful. And then they said that it's the symbol for temple.

2:10:59But we did notice that the orientation is different. It doesn't look like a square. It's tilted on its head, so it looks like a diamond, and that means temple. I mean, this is a temple. That makes it better. Yeah. You can go in there if you want. I'm scared to death to go in there. No, it's a temple. No, I'm not going there. There's a swastika by your door. That's not what I tell you. You don't know. Where are you from? Me, I'm originally from Dallas, Texas. I live in California now. No wonder you're dumb. You don't understand. You don't understand. Hey, honey. I'm not American. Don't know what up. Hey, excuse me, sir. Do you know what the name of this band is? Freed with Rack. It's Freed with Rack. What's the name of the song? I believe this one is The Leams. The Leams. Speaking of Japan. Wait till I tell you what Steve Jobs had in his luggage that got him stopped in Japan. Because you can't put that in your luggage. We'll be right back. Should I mention his name? Yeah, just do it the way we do it. Yeah, because no one can tell. Nobody can tell what it is. When we say his fake name, nobody knows who we're talking about. This won't be awkward. Our friend Bark Malman. I told Woods that I've caught him checking my lady's tush out.

2:13:02Twice. And I said. Twice. And I said to Woods, I said, I'm sure my friends have, Jay, Woods, but, but, but, don't let me catch you doing it. No. That's disrespectful. I'm saying it shouldn't bother you. You should be flattered. No, please. Flattered? No way. I've had friends that I can see are definitely checking Kim out. Like, she'll be leaning over to do something, and they're like, hey, look at this. Yeah, be flattered. You don't like that, Jay, do you? No. Really? No. No. No. You're supposed to be my boy. You're not supposed to. It's like, don't let me catch you. Yeah. Fine if you like. I know you're going to do it. I know you're a man. I know you're going to probably look, but. Doesn't bother me. I'm flattered. You would be flattered. Yeah. Okay, picture. I'm going to draw up the scenario. I'm talking. You're upstairs. You had to change. I'm downstairs in the kitchen talking to your wife. And I don't know that you have come into the room, that you're walking into the room. And you can see me. I can't see you. Jamie gets up to walk away, turns her back to walk away, and you can see me definitely checking her out. And you walk into the room, and I'm like, hey, dude, what's up? And I go like this. I go, mm-hmm. Ah, what a creep. I'd want to die.

2:14:26Why? Just a butt. No! Yeah, I don't care. Have a ball. Jamie puts on a pretty good gun show. Yeah, she throws guns at you. I don't look, man. You can. You can't help but look when you're talking to Jamie. I'm telling you, you can. That doesn't bother you that Jay says that. No, it doesn't bother me at all. It's my wife. Who cares? She's got nice guns. If you're going to put them on the tee. Yeah, you put her on the tee. What's going to happen? What, is she going to be born? No. Yeah, she's got nice cans. They're all hanging out. Oh. They don't hang out. They don't hang out. Don't they? No, they don't hang out. They may be there. Why did they invent the Wonder Bra? I mean, why does everybody want them pushed up and out if they're not to be looked at? Now, that is a good question. Yeah. Now, wait. Hang on now, L.O.B. Okay. Because I think that that's a fair question. True. I think that if a woman is trying to accentuate her body by wearing a garment that will do that. Right, but that's not what Jamie does. No, no. But he brings up a good question. I'm not talking about, kind of led me to something different. But Jay is kind of right there. I mean, if a woman buys a Wonderbra, a woman doesn't, man don't walk onto a car lot lest he wants to buy a car. Okay, but that is just as relevant as Clinton Portis commenting on the Inez chick.

2:15:44We're talking about Jamie and whether or not her boobs are on display. And he's talking about, okay, well, wonder bras are invented, so therefore every woman wants their breasts. No, no, no, no, no. My wife's mortified right now, by the way. Get Jamie on the phone. Get Jamie on the phone. Women that wear wonder bras. Yeah, but there's a small percentage of women that even do. Is that true? I don't know. You don't know. You made up a fake stat. Yeah. I don't know either. But I know that if a woman buys a wonder bra, I believe that she buys the wonder bra with the intention of men. Admiring her breasts. Yeah, or anyone admiring. I mean, when you... It's definitely true. When you feel like you look good, I think that you are more confident and happy and everything. And sometimes, like, I have small boobs, so if I want a certain thing to fit, I have to wear a padded bra just for it to fit, because otherwise there's, like, pockets of fabric. Now, but... Pockets of fabric. There is. Another great band name. Pockets of fabric. So let me ask you, L.O.B., would it...

2:16:44Would you think it was cool if you caught a guy and his eyes weren't on your eyes? Would it be cool? Yeah, that he was kind of checking you out. You mean like, would I be like, yeah, or would I be okay with it? Well, both. I guess I'm asking what your reaction would be. I'd be fine. Surprisingly enough, even though I'm not working with much over here, it happens. Yeah. Yeah. Men are creeps, man. That makes my mouth water. Yeah. I know that, but I don't want my boy being a creep to my wife. It's creepy when, I'm not in a relationship anymore, but I have been. And when a friend or something like that, when you catch it, you're like. A friend of your boyfriend? Yeah. Oh, man. Maybe don't wear lingerie. Yeah, when I caught Bark Malman. Checking her out. Oh, I was like, get your filthy eyes. I know where those eyes have been. Yeah, that's true. Get your filthy eyes. Maybe he's just admiring the beauty. Really? Yeah. Of her butt? Yeah. He is. He's a butt man. Okay, I think I told you guys this before. I had, like, with my ex-boyfriend, we had a long talk about, like, why guys look and every guy looks and this, that, and the other thing. And so I was like, okay, for the next week, I'm just going to pay attention to men. And I watched.

2:17:59as a pretty girl would walk by, every single man, some of them were more sly than others, they had to. They'd be like, just dart their eyes really quickly. They had to. It has to be done. They just had to see. Even if it was just to take a look, they had to. Look at the fun bags on that horse helmet. Exactly. It has to be done. Woods' wife, Jamie, is on the line. Yeah. Hi, Jamie. Hi, guys. Hi, babe. Hi, Jamie. Jamie, I do not sneak peeks. It's just... Doesn't it? Whatever, man. And if I did, which I don't. I don't wear a wonder bra. No, she does not. You don't have to. She doesn't need to. Well, I'm just going to say for the record, I don't. And if I did, I wouldn't have Woodsy see me do it. It doesn't make it any better. So he means when I do. Yeah, it doesn't make it any better. I don't. But if I did, I wouldn't have Woodsy see it. What is your opinion of this, Jamie? Well, I mean, look who I'm married to. That's so true. Exactly. So true. She's like, I'm married to Woods. You think I really have a problem here? You think I care? You think I'm uptight? Yeah. Hey, you want to make $14 the hard way? I mean, in a restaurant or the hostess or whatever. I mean, I know where his eyes are. Get. I only have eyes for you, dear.

2:19:31I check, you know, I've seen, we've been, you know, living in California, people are a little more free with what they wear and we go to the beach a lot, you know, and there'll be dudes out throwing the football and I'm out on the water and I look up and I see her looking and I'm not like, ugh, who are you looking at? You know, and she sees me looking. You know, I wouldn't have a problem with Rebecca checking out guys with no shirts on throwing footballs because women are wired differently. But you know me, I try to not look at women because it takes my mind somewhere. That's not good. Where I keep going, yeah. I look at everyone. I look at guys that are nice to look at, girls that are nice to look at. Jamie catches me in the car. I mean, I'm worse in the car. I look at every car next to me. Every car. I look at, it doesn't matter who it is. It should be a 90-year-old woman. But if there's, like, a cute girl, I'll be like, and she's sitting next to you, I'm like, damn it, I just got caught. But we don't say anything. It's unspoken. Back for the second look. I'm looking in your rearview mirror. Yeah, at myself. Did you hear that? She just busted me. You look in the rear view mirror at yourself. After he check out a girl? No, just all the time. Sometimes I lip sync a song in my rear view mirror. Do you pull the mirror down so you can look at yourself? I'll pull my visor down and there's a mirror behind it. If I'm really into a song, I'm like, I wonder what I would look like singing this as a... I don't do that. Yeah, we're on the air. What? But I take the rear view and pull it down.

2:20:57You are a sad, strange little man. I know it. So I look at myself when I'm driving. Are you serious? Okay, excuse me. She gets in her car. She's like, really? And it has to move the mirror. What do you do? What the heck? I don't know. You turn the rear view mirror so that you look directly at yourself. And when you look at it, you're like, hey, tiger. Is that kind of that kind? Apparently. Oh. Oh, my gosh. That would explain some of your driving. Jamie, and then you get in the driver's seat and you go to look in the rearview mirror and you're like, whoa, hey. Yeah, it's me. It's me in the rearview mirror. What? Who's weirder? Me? Me. Singing a video to myself. That's pretty weird. You think? What do you do? You pretend you're in the music video or what? Yeah, I'll play like John Mayer and I'll be like, I've been driving down in a fire velma. You do that with your chin? Yeah. I just stare at myself. Oh, wow. I just stare at myself. Lauren O'Brien. We're all creeps somehow. Yeah. We just don't talk about it. I do. I'm a creep somehow. How? Yeah. A lot of ways. We know. How are you a creep? Oh, gosh.

2:22:16I don't know, dancing in my underwear? That's pretty creepy. Everybody does that. No, they do not. They don't? No, I don't. Yes, I do. I have a full-length mirror, so sometimes I pretend like what it would be if I was, like, choreographing a video or something. I don't do that because I'm too jumpy. I was in the bathroom yesterday. Not the bathroom bathroom, just the bathroom where the mirror is. And I had Switchfoot on loud. And I was singing. And Jake ran into the bathroom naked and yelled. Oh, dude, I'm not kidding you. Yeah. I literally felt my heart. I looked around this naked kids running around. You got a bunch of people in your house. I know it. I have privacy. I'm standing there with my girdle on and my underwear. She catches me all the time looking at myself. It's sad. And I'm not that good looking. I'm not good looking. I know. Isn't it funny that as like a fat Mexican, I'll check myself out in the mirror. I'll be like. Yeah. I'm like, wow, man, you look like you're in prison. Yep. I get embarrassed when I check myself out in the mirror. You do? I'm like, who do you think you are? I'll be in a store and I'll walk by and I'll like catch my own eyes back in the mirror.

2:23:36And then I'll walk away shamed. What kind of creep are you? Just looking at yourself? Do you like that? Hey, Vanity Fair, how are you? If you went to my car right now and looked at the rear view, it would be tilted towards my face. I swear. You drove the whole way to work that way? Yeah. It's dark. I know. Oh. Now when you drive home, you'll be able to see yourself. It's making sure everything's right the whole way. See, if there's sun in my eyes and I have to bring the visor down and then I catch myself in the mirror, I'm like, whoa. I don't like it. Jamie, do you ever have any of those weird moments? This is me. That's my foot. Oh, my God. Do you ever have any of those? I do. I mean, like I said before, I'm married to you. He rubs off on me. Right. He rubs off. Yep. Well, Jamie, I just want you to know that Jay's a creep. Keep on doing what you're doing. Mike, do you record yourself singing a lot in the car? No. I do. You do? You record it? Yeah, because I'll be like, wow, that's actually not half bad when I'm singing something, so then I'll record it. Oh, you are strange. Do you have a mini recorder? Yes, but then when I listen back to it, I'm like, that is horrendous. That's not what I heard. What do you record it on, your phone or a mini recorder? Sometimes if I forget my mini recorder, I record it on my phone. Oh, my God.

2:24:58Might you have any on there right now? Be honest. I don't think I do. Thank you, Jamie. We love you. Bye, hon. Love you. And either one, apparently. A little southern angel. She's great. She is. Has anybody else noticed the sun coming up outside? It's just beautiful. Our new windows are fantastic. Fantastic. It's amazing that we can look outside. We can look outside. I mean, the view is spectacular. I can see. What is that, Mr. A's down there? What is that big, tall hotel? It's not Mr. A's. No? It's like a foggy. And I don't see the sun coming out. Well, the sun has come up because now it's no longer dark. Like a gray, foggy. I don't know. I'm excited. He painted a picture like. We all got up. Like a Steven Spielberg movie with the sun shining. Forget about the mics. Just abandon the mics. You got to see the sun. You got to see what's happening outside. You guys got to see this. I wonder who's right across from us on the floor across in that other building. I don't know, but I want to find out. We're going to find out. M1 Jesse from IBU there? Yeah, what's going on, guys? What's up? Nothing. I was calling in about the whole checking out the chicks thing.

2:26:10And it's pretty funny because I thought I was the only one that I thought I had a problem, to be honest with you, but I guess I'm not. No. I think we're all in the doghouse later about this whole conversation other than Jamie and them over there. Well, hey, now, I have said before that I used to do that. I don't do that anymore. And the reason that I don't is because it takes my thought life somewhere that I don't want it to take me. And that's what I tell my wife. No, no, no. I'm being honest with you, though. Yeah, he is. I actually mean it. He had to, like, train himself. He told me. Yeah. But I do think, naturally, the inclination is there. Oh, absolutely. When I do... Let me tell you. Let me tell you this. And I'm just... You know, my wife has heard me say this, so she knows this. But when I'm driving down the street and there's a hot girl walking on the street, I don't look and I force myself to not look. And it's not easy. Oh, I know. It isn't easy. Because we're wired to look. I just bet if I can look at hers and not get caught looking on the street. Good for you. How are those working out for you? I don't ever get to look at them. She won't let me. You don't ever get to look at them. She doesn't let you. It's your wife. Yeah, I know. I get caught looking at everybody else's, so she says you're not going to look at mine. Oh, yeah, I get it. I got you. She's like, well, if you want to look at it, yeah, I get it. Sunglasses.

2:27:38Sunglasses are key. I wear my sunglasses at night. That's key. That's not ever acceptable. Maybe don't look. Also, with the whole beach thing, the guys on the beach, absolutely. I get a little pissed off myself sometimes, and I'm like, hey, Jersey Shore, you want to go put a shirt on? I got you. Are you from New York? Yeah, I am. I love it. Long Island. Hey, thanks. Strong Island. There you go. I've been listening to you guys for a while, in and out, as I... Come back to California. There you go, dude. We love you, and we're glad that you're listening, Jesse. Thanks, bro. All right, man. See you, dog. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. This is M1 Paul calling in from Oceanside. You there, Paul? Yes, I am. Go ahead. Because you're talking about how he likes to look at himself and take himself out. Mm-hmm. See, I do the same thing sometimes when I'm in a public bathroom. You know, I'm the only one in there. I like to print myself. Yeah.

2:28:39And then, like, what if another guy comes in? Oh, God. You play it off, or what do you do? Yeah, you feel like a douche. Yeah. You feel like a giant douche. Anytime a guy is checking himself out in the mirror, and, you know, I drive home, and part of it is I look at it and I go, man, you've really gotten fat. Your face has really gotten fatter from what it used to be. And I'm not as sharp. I have a beautiful hair. Right. And I'm not as sharp as I used to be. And I look at it and I go, maybe you get back to that old guy you were. And then I go, eh, never mind. I'm not sure if you're supposed to act like you're checking out a zit or something. I do. I do. Yeah, you pretend like you're checking out something on your chin. I pretend like there's something in my eye. Yeah, something in your eye. Your nose, maybe. But all you're really doing is looking at yourself. You're just trying to make sure everything's intact. See, I don't think that's strange if somebody was just making sure everything was okay. It's not. If I walked in, you had your shirt off, you were doing poses. Yeah, I think that would be weird. Girls will be full-on makeup spread in the bathroom doing their eyes. practicing smiles, puckering your lips, and there's something about, like, I get so embarrassed. So I always pretend like I'm doing something else. You will see a girl practicing a smile? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's unusual. That's creepy. Yeah. That's unusual. Really? Like a pageant smile. Really? Yeah, stance, practicing stances. Oh, boy. Practicing stances? Yeah. Like what? Now, where will they use that?

2:30:03At the bar? At the bar. Just to see what it looks like when someone checks them out from across the room. Wow. Yeah, so we're not the only creeps. Men aren't the only creeps. Women are creepy. Yeah, humans are weird. We're weird. We're a weird type. We're weird. We're vain. So vain. God, I'm so vain. For a fat pig, I'm very vain. Oh, just the strangeness of us and the strange things that we'll do. And most of it, I have to say, a lot of the strange things that we do, we don't even... Think of them. We do them so often that we don't even think about how odd we are. Uh-oh. Sometimes I practice. Oh, I love this. I don't practice, but I see what I look like sad. That's so great. Oh, my gosh. That's so great. That is so awesome. Oh, my gosh. I smile a lot. So sometimes I'm like, what's the saddest face?

2:31:02Holy crap. And another brick falls. Dude, you think she's the only one? I bet 80 girls, 80,000 girls in their car just went, I do that too. I'll be like, I can't even do it. Oh my gosh, that's so great. That's brilliant. Just in case I get caught with my hand in a cookie jar or something. It's brilliant. I try to look like, you know, I try to look like I'm a tough guy. Me too. I've done that. In the mirror. In the mirror. Yeah, I try to look like a tough guy. Why is everything you hurt? It's always standing. I'm always standing. I'll do one of these. Wow, puffing out the chest. Yeah, chest pop, I do. Maybe one of these. You ever do one of these woods? Oh, he just readjusted. Oh, they both did. Oh, wow, I'm scared of woods, actually. It's like a gunfight. Yeah. Wow. I think often to myself, if anyone saw me right now, they'd think I was a dork. Yes. Yeah. You do too? Oh, yeah. If anybody saw this, I'd be mortified. Oh, you've gotten caught, haven't you? I've gotten caught doing weird stuff in the mirror, and I'm like, hey, what are you doing? Rebecca doesn't, no, unless she doesn't tell me. Does she check herself out on the mirror a lot? No. No? No. No, I'm trying to think, does she do anything? And she's probably like, hey, feel free to not mention me. She doesn't have any time. She's got twins at home. Yeah, I was going to say, she doesn't have time for mirrors. I'm trying to think, though.

2:32:30I'll tell you what I think is really interesting. What are you doing? Nothing. It's weird. There's no hair in there. It's so weird. He's sticking his fingers in his nose. Your little hairless chihuahua nose. Let's see. M1 Bisquick from La Jolla. Are you there? What's going on? Good mark. What do you think? I forgot about that. Man shares a story. One story. Mikey shared how when he was younger. Oh, really? Yeah, you have to reset it. Skid marks in his underwear. And his mom. And his mom would yell at him, Michael! There's skid marks in these! No, what is this? What is this? I'm like, it's the underpants of a five-year-old, Mom. What do you think it is? Five, like... Twenty-six. Twelve. I forgot why you were calling. Biz, quick, what are you calling about? I was going to agree with Woods. I do the same thing with the mirror in the car.

2:33:32It's not a guy thing. We want to make sure that we're looking cool. You know what? Sometimes I rob banks. That's a guy thing. It's not a guy thing. It's a Bisquick and Woods thing. See how I look with my sunglasses on. Yep. If you're blasting a cig, you know, you want to see if you look cool. Yeah. And then, like, I don't know, if I'm walking down in a parking lot, every car I pass, I have to look in their window to see my reflection. Yep. Oh, wow. I'm right there with you, dude. I don't have to look in everyone, but before I go and face the world, I'd like to get a quick glance. It's just so funny how sometimes you'll do that, and then you think to yourself, why am I doing that? I'm not even cute. Yeah, I'm not even looking anymore. It's like, crap, stop looking. Yeah, what kind of creep am I? Beautiful girls all over the world. I got nothing on you. What a very appropriate sound. That's right. George Michael's going to jail and I'll tell you why. This is the song I like to use my shaker weight to. Exercise with my shaker weight. Have you seen the commercial for the shaker weight? The whole commercial? Yes. Oh yeah. Jake.

2:35:23He'll ruin five solid minutes of my life when he does that. Creepy Uncle Jay. Hey, I gotta agree with him on that one. That's a creepy commercial. Have you seen how the guy goes, he's shaking the shaker weight and he goes, and you can do it for six minutes. And he finishes his six minutes and he goes, oh, that's enough. No. You haven't seen that? No. I think it's a new commercial. That's enough? And they say, they say. You're making fun of the fact. No, isn't that what he said? That's enough? That's enough. So I happened to mess up my words. Oh, I thought that that was the joke, is that he goes, oh, that's enough. I thought the joke was the guy couldn't talk. I think the joke was the guy was doing shaker weights. Well, that's a joke, but I thought you were saying it how he said it. Six minutes. I thought you said I was all right, Spider. No, you said Spider. You know, your family, a whole bunch of rats, all right? Why don't you dance, Spider? Dance, all right? Dance and drink back here. You did it. You dig the hole. First hole I dug? Yeah, new shaker weight commercial. You do it for six minutes, and the guy finishes the workout, and he goes, oh, that's enough. That's brilliant. Guarantee you I couldn't do that for six minutes. Guaranteed. Well, it seems like you can do anything for six minutes, but I guess you can't. It usually takes me about two and a half minutes of doing it. Yeah, right here. It's impossible. You couldn't do it for six minutes. There's no way. It doesn't look like there's much to it. There's more to it than you think. Have you ever done it?

2:36:51Yeah, I did it in Sports Authority. You did? Saw one. And it actually really is hard? No, it's not hard, but do that for six minutes. Stand on one leg for six minutes. That's hard. You know? Is it really? Yeah. Maybe we go buy one today. I'd like to try and see if it's hard. You know, there's one in the building here somewhere. Is there? Do you have a shaker weight here? Yeah, I've seen one in the building. Interesting. I'll go on a search. Do you think it actually does anything? They say that it really tones your arms. It really tones you up. It does something for me. They show these guys, man, they're like totally ripped. It's like the Bowflex guys. They're definitely not bench pressing like 250, 350 pounds. They're definitely doing the shaker weight. Yeah, they just got that weight from the shaker weight. That's all you need. They used to look like me. Now they look like that. Yeah, they eat peanut butter sandwiches all day on Sundays. And they just do that shaker weight for six minutes. Oh, yeah. And they look great. Just feasting on anything they want. Driving home the other day. Honey, can we stop at Dairy Queen? So? Delicious. What'd you get? Blizzard? Man. Dip cone? Hey, maybe I'm 40 and I cut out with the Dairy Queen already. Why? I don't know, because I want to live to 45. It's moderation. It's moderation, right? Anything is okay in moderation. That's true. I probably shouldn't have got the fries with it. Except for heroin. Except for heroin. Except for heroin. Speedball. Yeah, I went and I got a... You got fries at Dairy Queen? Why don't you leave me alone a little bit? No, I didn't know they had them there. Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. That was just ice cream.

2:38:20No, no. You get burgers now? Delicious. Got a white cone dipped in chocolate. Oh, my God. Is there anything? The magic shell? No. Is there anything better than a dip cone from Dairy Queen? Have you ever had one from there? I think so. Holy cow. I've had a dip cone. Reminds me of the lake in Dallas. It reminds me of being a kid, going to the beach. Was there anything cooler when you were a kid than getting to go to Dairy Queen? No, you were stoked. You were stoked? And you got a Dilly Bar or a Peanut Buster Parfait? Parfait. I always hated that word. I don't think I ever actually went to a real Dairy Queen. I think it was always just called like... It was a knockoff Dairy Queen? Yeah. It was like... Milk Princess or something? Yeah, the Milk Princess. The Milk Shack. Dairy Queen's good. It is good. Dairy Queen's real. They need more here. You know there's one on every corner in the state of Texas. Every corner. There's a reason they've been around 942 years. Yeah, because it tastes good. Tastes good. Dairy Queen. Jared is our guy for graphic design. He is so good. Not only does he do graphic design, though, he'll also do websites. He'll do all of that stuff. And so if you are interested in it, go to his website.

2:39:40It's createyourdesignonline.com, and I use them for my business cards, and he does mikeyshow.com. He does all that. Fleming's brought the most delicious food in, man. Oh, my gosh. Man, are they good. I'm so full. It's the downtown Fleming's, and they're celebrating a month of discovery, and that is a lot of specials, like a three-course, what they call their three-course memorable meal, filet mignon, ahi tuna. And lamb chop. And the introduction of this year's Fleming's 100 Wines by the Glass with special opening nights every Thursday. Very cool, man. And that mac and cheese. That mac and cheese. So good. It's got like a smoked cheese. Really delicious. I've never had Fleming's before this moment. Just tasted it and it's great. I just had a filet mignon.

2:40:37Mac and cheese. It's a tough gig. Not even 10 o'clock yet. That makes my mouth water. Yeah, that's right. Delicious. Let's see. I'm going to think up a question. I'm going to think up a trivia question. How about Woodsy's baseball trivia? The Woodsy's baseball trivia. What was that? Let's see. The trivia question is, what is Sienna's baby's name? For us? I almost yelled it out. It's not for us. If you had yelled that out, Lauren. Lauren! If Lauren had yelled that out, I would have questioned your sanity. I'd have driven home today and I'd have gone, really? I wonder if she's crazy. I almost yelled it out. You would have killed me. You know what you're going to get if you answer this right? $100 gift card to Flemings. Wow. That's right.

2:41:47570-1949. By the way, Sienna will be in with her baby tomorrow. Yes! Is that a definite, we're not going to get our hearts broken? No, she said she's coming in tomorrow. Nine o'clock hour. She's going to come and visit. She's going to rip the mic with us. Yeah. Somebody said to me yesterday, when will she be back? And I said, I don't know. And you're not supposed to ask. Yeah, I thought it was okay. Lauren said it's not okay to ask. October 1. It's not okay to ask. Plenty of time off. M1 Birdman. M1 Birdman, are you there? What is Sienna's baby's name? That's right. Well done. You just won yourself a $100 gift card to Fleming's. Oh, yeah. That's killer, dude. Hang on, bro. Get the mac and cheese. I will. Hang on. And we'll have another one to give away, too. We just got all kinds of cool stuff that we can give away. Yeah. We'll do some Woodsy's baseball trivia for you real good. Will we? Won't we? We're also going to tell you why George Michael is going to jail. We haven't told you yet, so we will. Welcome back. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is UB40 Labor of Love right here on FM 94.9. Hey, Mike. Yeah.

2:43:42I want to say happy birthday to a good friend, Johnny Rizzo. Good friend of the show. It's his birthday today. How old is that kid? Happy birthday, Jerry. I think he's a youngster. He's like 23 or 24. Wow. Guy's writing a book. Little pup. He's a great kid. One of my favorites. Happy birthday, buddy. Yeah. Oh, I love all these songs. You'd be 40. Do you know any of this, Woods? No. I like girls. Okay. What about this one? No. It's high school for me, you know? That makes sense. Okay, yeah. You know what? Because you're going to have this kid someday. And you're going to be like, what do you think of this? Stained. He's going to be like, it's terrible. It's the worst thing I've ever heard. Yep. To my parents. Yeah. Guess who's on the line? Who? Woodsy's dad, M1 Hawk, is on the line. Yeah. M1 Hawk. Morning, all. Morning. Good morning. I want to say congratulations on a new studio. Thank you. Thank you. Did I fall into the biggest?

2:44:50pile of blind luck you've ever seen or what? Well, you know, somebody up there must love you. I gotta tell you that. No kidding. That's right. I want to tell you the other thing. I have to put you on mute sometimes when I'm talking to clients. And today, when I came back on, I didn't know if I wanted to run to the bathroom or laugh when I'm hearing clumps of nose hair and everything else. That's right. It was bad. We got our nose waxed earlier. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't have breakfast this morning. Absolutely. Yeah, and... I pulled half my mustache off. Half, half. I'm disappointed that the webcam isn't working. I wanted to see that. Yeah, you're not the only one, pal. Yeah. Well, congrats, guys. Thanks, Dad. Great new spot to work. That's awesome. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Okay, talk to you soon. We'll see you. That's M1 Hawk. That's Woodsy's dad. That's my man. So Steve Jobs was going through the airport. Apparently had Chinese stars in his luggage. Can't take ninja stars with you. Come on, Pete. Yeah, they frown upon that. Yeah, why does he have that? You take your collection with you? I don't know. You collect weaponry. You don't take it with you to Japan. I think he bought them over there. Oh, is that it? I think so. Well. Maybe you order them online, dude. You look for Apple. Yeah, maybe you get on your iPad. Maybe you call the prime minister of Japan and be like, hey, you throw me some Chinese stars? Yeah. Yeah.

2:46:10And by the way, how much you want for the palace. Exactly. Chinese stars. You imagine Steve, get a visual image of Steve Jobs right now in his backyard throwing stars into a fence. Logs. Stupid bumper. Oh, this thing. Antenna. It's driving me crazy. Obama spoke to students yesterday. We had heard he was going to do that, that he was going to be speaking to kids going back to school. Here's what he said. is about welcoming all of you and all of America's students back to school. I picture Mikey every time I hear him. Yeah. You do? Yep. What else did he say? He's going to take an outstanding principal like Principal Neff and outstanding teachers like the ones you... Wait, Barack. Do you actually know Principal Neff? Do you know of any of his accomplishments? What if it turns out that Principal Neff is kind of on the bubble right now?

2:47:15What if it turns out that Principal Neff is about one bad move away from being the former Principal Neff? Yeah. True story. And there he is saying he's an outstanding principal. Someone charges right now, actually, Mr. President. Well, I'm sure he was at one time. We have here at Masterman, teachers who are going above and beyond the call of duty. for their students. Actually, the teachers here are pretty complacent. They work here to get their summers off. That's about it. Well, still, though. They're here. They're on time. That was my Obama, by the way. They show up. We have the highest tardy rate in all of the state, actually. Well, you know, they're working on it. Actually, they've slid back. Our standardized testing is by far... Far and away the worst, by the way. In the nation. In the nation. Well, you know what I think you have here is you have a very diverse group of teachers. They're all white, sir. They're all white, every one of them. Every last one. Except for that one person. We think that he might be half Asian. That is striving for multiculturalism. Has not achieved it, but who, you know, what school can say?

2:48:38that they've absolutely achieved. But one thing that this school can hang their hat on is a very proud tradition in sports. Terrible. One of the worst. We don't have sports here. There's no sports here. Just art and music. So I'm getting you guys on my earpiece. Well, what I meant to say was that they had a sports department that was one of the best at one time. Never. It was always the worst. At their competing school. This school has not had a sports department, but that is what we are striving for. It was Thomas Jefferson High. Thomas Jefferson High, as you know here in town, had a fine scholastic and sport department. Just sports. Weren't as good in their testing, but that's what you can hang your hat on here at Jefferson. We're not at Jefferson anymore. That's the next school 30 miles away. As I was saying,

2:49:39Fine folks over at Jefferson are going to be receiving us later this afternoon. But unbeknownst to them, they will be receiving a surprise visit from the president. We should probably check their schedule before you just pop in on that. And it's just the first lady. It's just Michelle. Now, one thing that I love about speaking to a crowd like this is introducing my wife, Michelle, who will be speaking at Jefferson. Later today. Tomorrow afternoon. And then again tomorrow afternoon. Is it tomorrow or today? She... I can see two lackeys in the back. Pages of notes. It's you and Lauren. You guys are looking through your notes. Don't say anything. I already did. Can you recant that last statement? You know what, actually? I want to recant.

2:50:40My last statement, because as it turns out, Michelle is at Camp David today. She reportedly has a broken ankle. And I need to rush out to see her because she has a broken ankle. They're throwing things. Get off the stage. Actually, a report just came in. Broken arm. The thing is, is that a lot of times you will go to school so that you can improve. Things like your memory. For instance, I forgot it wasn't her ankle. It was Michelle's arm that was broken. Excuse me, Mr. President. Sorry. It was her ankle after all. And so that's how I forgot again that it wasn't her arm, actually. It was, in fact, her ankle. S-O-B. Excuse me. We're getting reports. It was actually your daughter after all. Sorry about that. And so...

2:51:40For those of you wishing good wishes to Michelle and praying for Michelle, your prayers have been answered because she hasn't broken anything. Just throw out the yes, we can, please, Mr. President. My daughter broke something. Don't know what, but we'll find out. Yes, we can. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. No, wrap this speech up. So wrap this speech up this speech. Is Hillary coming in to say hi? She's running a little late. Oh, she's running late? Yeah, she got caught in traffic. Hillary, she's probably in her car. Hill, I watched Okie noodling yesterday. You did? Thanks for the invite, pal. Really? Yeah, thanks a lot. You'd have come over. Really appreciate it. You guys. Do you think he would? No. No, he wouldn't. He's just saying that now so he can make you feel bad. Appreciate it. How was it? Did you enjoy it? It was good. Kid was napping real sweetly. Real sweetly. Not sweetly. Grouchily. My wife told me to go ahead and leave yesterday in the crapper and try again today. Yeah, he said that he got her upset. Kid was in a bad mood. Oh, I was in a bad mood yesterday. Golly. What was the deal? Manstration, I think. You just were grumpy? Mm-hmm. What'd you do? I was flying off the handle, just yelling. She just sat there and looked at me like, really, pal? What kind of things were you yelling? Oh, there's...

2:53:05The adoption thing is weighing on my brain. And so, you know, and I'm like, something, we got this letter together and it looks amazing and we want to send it out. We sent it to the guy and he's like, well, it looks good, but you need to change this and this. And I flipped that. Flipped that. Just fully flipped. Me and you are the same way. Yeah. If we act like babies, we are assured our women will take care of it. Yes. If we flip out enough, our women will be like, oh, I don't want to deal with this. I'll take care of it. Yeah. And, you know, I was a D, so I apologize, hon. I was. I was a huge D yesterday. Huge. You didn't want to get in the path of the cyclone. It was funny. Woods called me yesterday, and I said, hey, I'll have to call you back. He called me about 45 minutes later. He goes, hey, man, did I call you earlier? I just woke up out of a coma. Yeah, this is the second time you called me. Laying on the couch, just woke up sweating, like just a coma. And I was like, did I call you or not? I had no idea. You just drinking cough medicine all day long? No, no. I was just tired. Yeah, you know, we're doing nine jobs. What do you think? Hill just walked in. How great is it? It's so fancy. It's huge. It is. Have you been in here at all or no? You know, I've come running in when there's been a few engineering emergencies just to grab Jeremy or Bill or someone.

2:54:24So I've had glances at it. But the couch out there, you guys have a huge couch. Okay, so I'm like riding in the Porsche right now. And when you sign off, I'm going to go get in the Geometric. There's some music. Hey, did you hear in the car? Did you hear that I said I watched Okie Noodling yesterday? No, you did. Loved it. Loved it. I'll probably watch it again. Yeah. I'll probably watch it again because I loved it. Guess who you didn't invite to watch it? Oh, boy. Sorry, honey. I wanted more. Like when it ended? Yes. I wanted more noodling. You know, there's now, there's like noodling contests and stuff. There's a, I bought, in fact, I bought my husband a t-shirt from the Okie noodling contest online because we loved that movie so much. I would do anything to see Mikey noodling. Never. As I watched that movie, dude. Now you know for a fact you'll never do it. I actually thought in my head, I thought, man, that is a different breed of man. Different breed of man. And it's funny, too, because during the movie, they ask guys, hey, have you done it before? And they're like, no. And the local guys, no. And they said, why not? And he's like, I don't want any part of that. You know, it just takes a real. And all of the guys that did it, they were all raised that way. Yes.

2:55:40They had to be raised that way. I don't think you get, it's not a 26-year-old guy's like, I think I'm going to get into a river and I'm going to stick my bare hand into dark, muddy holes and I'm going to wait and I'm going to wiggle my fingers around so that big catfish will bite my hand and then I'll pull them out of the water. Yeah, no thanks. By their guts. Grab onto their guts. Yeah. Is that what they grab? They must. Anything. Anything you can get. Yeah. 45 pound. catfish that they're grabbing with their bare hands. And the catfish, they will bite their, they show these dudes and they got like scars on their forearms. See the guy that gets bit by the snake? Guy gets bit by a copperhead. And they catch it on film. He's like this guy, he's walking in the river and he sees a copperhead and he throws it out of the water. And then he walks over to it and he's being a dummy. And it goes. I need to get it. I need to watch it. Copperhead doing it in the water. I didn't know they even knew how to swim. Yeah. Water moccasins. I want to come get it. It's great. Can I get it today? And the bonus is that it's Flaming Lips. Do the music. That's cool. That's so crazy.

2:56:57It's good. So awesome. It's good stuff. Good documentary. Yes. Do you know what you have coming up? I have no idea. You don't know. When I called Jay, I was stuck in traffic on Balboa right now in Claremont. They're redoing all the sidewalks or something. Right. So I was in my car kind of freaking out. Yeah. That's the first time I've ever had to call Jay. I was like, sorry. It's all right. I have no idea what I'm going to play, but I'll go grab some stuff. Grab some good stuff. Well, listen, I have to take a second. for our engineering department because our engineering department is the finest engineering department ever. I mean, just absolutely amazing. Everything has worked perfectly. Everything. That's rare. No problems. No problems. I mean, this one maiden voyage made me go, this is going to be great. Yeah. Because it works. It all works. And they did just an amazing job as I look around this place. Because I remember this space before they broke ground on it. And it was tore up. And they literally built this thing from the ground up. It looks so nice. They did such an amazing job. So I wanted to thank Bill and JR and Jeremy for doing what they've done. It's just amazing. Just an amazing studio. Studio M.

2:58:23We love it, and we're very thankful for it. You guys have a window. We don't even have a window. I know. I'll spoil the rain. I know it. Very spoiled. We love it. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next, and we will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. The Mikey Show's out.