The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/15/11
Thursday, September 15, 2011
radio pranksfantasy footballsports fan behaviorcelebrity controversiesgender identityestate planning for petsmarriage and Alzheimer'sworkplace storiesviral videosrelationship gamesrobitussinradio prank
Woods secretly swapped Robitussin for Jay's waffle syrup, and the already medicated, smell-impaired Jay ate it before spending the show making unusually unfiltered jokes. Mikey used clips involving George, Cindy, Casey and Kaylee Anthony, Tom Brady and Chaz Bono to lead arguments about excuse-making, fan violence, gender identity and the responsibilities that come with a public platform. He also told the story of boss Bob delivering a dead-serious company speech in a Darth Vader costume, while Lauren O'Brien admitted clocking Matt Commerce during play-fighting and Jay revealed his bizarre naked-police-dog game with Kim. The deepest dispute came from Pat Robertson's advice about divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's, with Mikey defending lifelong marriage vows and Jay arguing that an unrecognized partner should not be condemned to years of loneliness.
What happened, in order
The Guilt-Trip Trade
Mikey used his son Jake and a joking appeal to sympathy to pressure Woods into a fantasy-football trade involving Tim Hightower and A.J. Green.
Brady Says Drink Early
Tom Brady's advice that Patriots fans start drinking early led Mikey and the crew to argue that the comment was reckless amid a run of drunken fights and assaults at football games.
The Anthony Family Interview
The hosts played Dr. Phil's interviews with George and Cindy Anthony, contrasting George's blame of Casey with Cindy's repeated attempts to explain or soften Casey's role in Kaylee's death.
Robitussin Waffles
Woods replaced Jay's waffle syrup with Robitussin, and the sick, smell-impaired Jay ate it thinking it was strawberry syrup even though he had already taken medicine and Vicodin.
Chaz Bono Debate
Cher's defense of Chaz Bono's Dancing with the Stars appearance opened a sprawling argument over boycotts, gender identity, media attention, and whether the hosts should call Chaz a man.
Who Gets the Dogs?
A discussion of Jay adding Jasper to his family trust turned into an interrogation of whether Woods and Lauren had made responsible plans for their dogs if they died.
The Darth Vader Meeting
Mikey recalled his eccentric Rochester boss Bob convening a serious staff meeting in a full Darth Vader costume to explain how the company would conquer its competition.
Webcam Grandparents
The crew delighted in a viral clip of an older married couple accidentally recording themselves while politely struggling to operate a webcam.
Chasing the Weight Record
Pauline Potter said she pursued recognition as the world's heaviest woman to publicize her need for weight-loss help, which Mikey attacked as a contradictory bid for fame.
Marriage and Alzheimer's
Pat Robertson's claim that Alzheimer's can justify divorcing an afflicted spouse triggered a serious dispute between Mikey and Jay about vows, loneliness, sex, caregiving, and whether the disease amounts to a kind of dea
Lauren Goes Action Hero
After watching Hanna, Lauren O'Brien kept play-fighting after boyfriend Matt Commerce thought they had stopped and accidentally hit him hard enough to give him a headache and fat lip.
Naked Police Dog
Jay stunned everyone by explaining that he sometimes crawls around naked pretending to be a police dog while his wife Kim plays dead to avoid being attacked.
People mentioned
Mikey (Mike Esparza)WoodsJayLauren O'BrienJakeTim HightowerA.J. GreenTom BradyDr. PhilGeorge AnthonyCindy AnthonyCasey AnthonyKaylee AnthonyChaz Bono
36,763 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm going to tell you this right off the bat. They're drilling in the building. They're like doing some kind of maintenance or something in the building. It's a drill. And so you're going to hear at some point, you're going to hear in the background. And we don't know where it's coming from or what it is, but it's kind of funny. 570-1949. That's our phone number if you want to call us. We got open phones for you, M1s. Also, you can text and do it from your phone or whatever. 949mikey at gmail.com. 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. And Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 36. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B, is...
She is our assistant producer. Jay is our exec producer. He is 48 years of age and still suffering from a SARS-like cold. And now my back's gone out. Now, I believe in that. Sometimes when you're sick and your body is in distress, it will go to a certain area and mess with it. Always my back. And sometimes you just reap what you sow. You know? Sometimes. I said yesterday to myself, I go, when Jay announced that he was sick, and I mean, when he first was sick a couple of days ago, he was like, he's talking like this. You know, he sounded awful. And Woods was giving him the business. And I was like, that is not like Woods. Not sure how that hurt you. And I was like, I don't. understand why is woods and then it struck me it was the most obvious thing in the world i just didn't see it it's because jay has been relentless in guilting woods about losing fifty thousand dollars for the two of them on the show wipeout right relentless relentless on the air off the air personal texts yes personal
And both outwardly and passively aggressive comments. But how is this costing you money? It's not costing you money. It's just fun. It's just fun. Oh, okay. Well, it could cost you money because you're the producer and if you had a bad show... Yeah, that rating falls on you. If you're not at your top of your game, pal... Listen, some might say you need to train. Train your body to not get sick. Much like you told me to train for wipeouts, some would say you should train your body to just not get sick. I'm going to do the same thing you did. Nothing. For example, for example, me, I train myself not to get sick. Donuts, cigarettes, snuff, whatever. Train yourself to not get sick. Train yourself to not have your back go out. Train yourself. Aggressive. I know. A lot of testosterone. Word of the day, village. When you hear me say the word village between now and 10, this is huge. First of all, you get to go see the Padres on Sunday. But the big story there is that Switchfoot's playing after the game. And you get to see that too. Now, we're qualifying people with word of the day. So if you win word of the day, you automatically are going to the game and going to see Switchfoot. But you are also eligible.
and have a one in what, Jay? One in five chance? One in five chance. We're going to put everybody in it. One in five chance of winning the VIP package. That's two tickets to the game, two on-field passes for the Switchfoot show, two meet-and-greet passes for the Switchfoot show, a couple of autographed items from Switchfoot, and the new Switchfoot album, which is coming out soon. So it's a very, very, very cool thing. Let's see. What do we got? Oh, Mikey-thon? Just so you know, Mikey-thon was announced. And I saw somebody on our fan page say, I'm new to the Mikey show. What is Mikey-thon? It's 28 straight hours of us broadcasting and doing all of the fun and frivolity that you know of the Mikey show for 28 straight. And no sleep. We don't play any commercials. It's commercial free. And we just go.
for 28 straight hours. And it's got a couple of purposes. One, it's become an outdoor festival for M1s, which are Mikey Show fans. They all show up. They grill food. They hang out. We come out there. We do performances outside. And by performances, I say anything from humorous stuff to talent competitions that are funny and all kinds of stuff like that. But what this thing is really about, is that we'll get a lot of auction items and we will just simply allow you to donate if you want to. We'll have a lot of auction items, but we'll also just be asking people to reach and give. There are two things that I'm very passionate about, autism and child hunger. And so... Those are the two things I'm passionate about, and those are the two things that I will genuinely, from my heart, ask for M1s to help us with. And so this thing is about the Autism Discovery Institute at Rady Children's Hospital, which really helped my son, Jake, really, really helped Jake out a lot. So we have a timer counting down how much time until Mikey-thon. 21 days. Wow.
All right? Oh, my. 21 days. Three weeks from today. Three weeks from today. Holy cow. 21 days, 51 minutes, 25 seconds. The countdown is on. And this thing is going to be big. Well, I'm glad that you have decided to not, to stick with Rady Children's Hospital instead of the Tommy Bahama Fund that you were going to start. And we had to talk you out of it. There is no Tommy Bahama Fund. The one that you said that you were going to do. The one that you, in the meeting yesterday. What is a Tommy Bahama fun? It was like a textile foundation. Right. And it's to clothe children and adults and Latinos in the newest, fanciest Tommy Bahama gear. So, good call. I want to tell you that. For those of you new to the show, I own exactly 100. piece of clothing with the words Tommy Bahama. A hundred pieces of clothing? That seems about right. I wore the shirt one time at a luau. In Hawaii. I saw another one you got for your birthday. And your comforter. And the comforter and the towel among other things. People give me Tommy Bahama stuff. You don't give it back. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. I don't. You don't not wear it.
I don't have anything to do with it. Don't you? Then why the fun? Why the fun? Why did we have to talk you out of it and remind you that, yes, Mike, Jake is autistic and the ADI needs the money this year. Tommy Bahama's going to be okay. And so you're saying that I was dead set on getting Americans in Tommy Bahama clothing, but you talked me out of it. We had to talk you down. Talk me down. We did. Speaking of yesterday, Woods was relaxing at home and I decided that I was going to start browsing my fantasy football team and I need help. And Woods had earlier in the day offered me a trade. I didn't think it was equitable, but he had offered me a trade. So I wanted to start some dialogue.
That's what you do in any negotiation. It's what they did in the real collective bargaining agreement. There's a couple GMs here. Yes. So I contacted him via text, and I asked him, will you make this trade? And he said, I will make a trade, but not for that player. And he offered me LeGarrette Blount, who's a turd. He's not a turd. He wasn't a turd last year. This year, apparently, he's become a turd. He's underutilized. Turn midnight, he turned back into a pumpkin. Sorry, I don't want him. Anyway, Woods is trying to do this to me. And I said, I don't want that. And we went back and forth for a long period of time about what he would offer me. And finally, out of desperation, I said, okay, what do you want for this guy? And Woods goes, actually, I'm good. I don't need anybody. I wanted to, L.O.B., I wanted to throw my phone. Just wasting everybody's time? Yes. Yeah. Just, you know, it's an open dialogue, and you never know what may come of it. It's L.O.B. A successful GM tries to breed desperation, and that's what I was trying to do. I wanted him desperate. The player that I wanted was a player named Tim Hightower, and Woods wasn't going to give him to me. And so I'm thinking.
I'm thinking. And then suddenly, it hit me. And I texted Woods, Mr. Esparza. You are a monster. That's a true story. And Woods typed back, ha ha, that was like eight lines long. It got me. And I wrote back, he's just a child. He's just a child. Do it for him. So Woods goes, I owe you $20 from a previous bet. Wipe that clean. Give me the player that I want. Give me A.J. Green. And you can have Tim Hightower. So the autistic guilting. Yes. The drive-by guilting. Because he knows I would do anything for that child. Oh, yeah. It worked. Just tugging at heartstrings. Just tugging. But it's not for the child. It's for the child. It is. It is. Because it makes his dad happy. Yeah, that's right. And he loves to seem happy. Just look in your eyes and see that you're happy. Happy dad, happy child. That's right. As they say. What are you being fat?
That and lazy was so rewarding. Well, that's Jay's template humor. Well, Mike, sounds like crap dad struck again. Well, there you go, Mike. Using a kid's malady for his own personal gain. That's right, Mike. You'll sink to any low, won't you? I've seen Mike do the same thing for barbecue. Yeah, I saw him at Phil's one day panhandling. Telling kids, hey man, you bring me out of pork rib, I got an autistic kid. Yeah, they gave it over. What are they going to do? Man, make me nauseous. I wouldn't even do that. Man, Chargers Pats this weekend. Oh man, here we go. I know, and you know, almost any team... I want to say Chargers, Chargers, Chargers. It's tough, man. What are you going to do? It's Tom Brady, man. It's 500-yard Tom Brady. At home. At home. What are you going to do? 115 is the kickoff, and it's going to be on Channel 8. And, man, there's already a little bit of some action going in New England. So I want you to listen to what Tom Brady said. And you tell me if you have a problem with it. So they asked him.
Tom, you know, what's your advice to the fans this weekend? And Tom says, quote... The New England fans. The media, yeah. He says, the media asked Tom Brady, you know, what do you have to say to the New England fans this weekend? And he says, quote, start drinking early. Get rowdy. A lot of time to get lubed up and cheer for the home team. Now, a lot of people have issue with this because of all of the stuff that's been going on with people getting shot at games, people getting beaten into comas at games, people getting tasered at games. And it's probably not the smartest thing Tom Brady has ever said, in my opinion. I agree. Just because of all of this. Listen, I'm not being PC. I'm the most un-PC guy there is. I'm not a politically correct guy. I mean, as long as something's humorous, I usually am okay with it. I mean, after all. I made a joke yesterday to Woods about trading me a player because I've got an autistic kid. So I can find humor in just about anything. What I don't believe in is being mean to people. I'm very against being mean to people and bullying. But I think that sometimes it's okay to just not say something. That's all right. It's okay. In preseason, at the Niners-Raiders game, there were...
60 fights, there was a near-fatal beating. At the Patriots-Dolphins game last weekend, there were another estimated 59 fights in the stands, 78 ejections. Then on 9-11, a Dallas Cowboy fan snuck a taser into Giant Stadium, and he used it on a Jet fan. Oh, my God. I mean, dude. Don't tase me, bro. And he's probably drunk. I'm sure. And I'm telling you, I went to last weekend. I went to the Angels-Yankee game in Anaheim. Lovely. Lovely experience. But I'm walking around in my Yankees hat and my Bronx Bombers t-shirt on. And I was a little nervous. I'll tell you, man. Were they giving you some? Not really. There's some looks. You know, there was some. But I'll tell you. I mean, Yankee fans are usually out in force everywhere you go. And I was surrounded by them, so that was a good thing. And we got the crap kicked out of us. We didn't even score a run, so I had nothing to clap about. Right. Well, there's nothing wrong with drinking at football games. I don't have any problem. Got no problems with people drinking at games. I got no problems with any of that. I guess the only problem I have is people getting loaded and fighting. Girl, how drunk is you? That's right. Pretty drunk. That's what I'm saying. Brought a taser in. Okay.
All right. It's weird. But, hey, that game is going to be a battle. We both do picks. Mike and I both do picks for Express League Gourmet. You can go to MikeyShow.com and sign up and do picks with us. But I asked Mike yesterday, all right, who are you taking? And we were both like, got to take the Patriots. If we want to win our pick-em league, I don't want to. I don't want to. You have to take emotion out of it. Got to take emotion out of it. Trying to take emotion out of it. And I think the Patriots will win. I think so, too, and it mums me out. And in saying that, I'm also going to say I think the Chargers are a damn good team. Hell, yeah. You've got to be an analyst, not a fan. Mm-hmm. Let's see. Yesterday, Dr. Phil, he talked to George and Casey Anthony. Or, excuse me, talked to George and Cindy Anthony. Again, Dr. Phil? You had them two days, huh? Well, I talked to him for so long, pre-taped. Right. It took us two days to play the whole thing back. You thought you'd stretch it out as long as you could. That's. So, here is George Anthony on who he blames. There are those that have interpreted your attempt to take your own life as being out of guilt. The guilt that I have is I didn't do enough to find out what happened to her. Who.
was involved in it. If Casey's even watching this someday, yeah, I blame my daughter for Kaylee not being here today. So you feel in this situation, you've lost two parts of your family. You've lost Casey and Kaylee. I lost Kaylee three years ago, and I believe I lost Casey at the same time. I believe that. She's responsible. You believe she was in the woods burying that baby? I believe she was there. I also believe she probably had some help. Well, trial's over. I guess you can say whatever you want. You also, I guess, can say whatever you want when your daughter accuses you of molesting her. Yeah. You know? And clearly, that's where he is. Cindy Anthony is, she's a tripper. She is a tripper. It's a ball breaker. Ball breaker, control freak, but she's also just, I think, kind of a strange lady. And you know me, I love psychology.
I love to know the motivation of people. She's making a lot of excuses for Casey. Now, I'm guessing guilt. Guilt, I'm a bad mom, and she's not going to talk to me. What have I done? What have I done to my family? And anyway, listen to this. Do you believe that however this happened, your daughter was in the woods? burying that child alone or with somebody else do you believe she was in the woods burying that child i believe that casey had knowledge or had something to do with placing kaylee there and i don't understand it i know that casey's belief as soon as someone dies they leave their body and that's no longer kaylee the kaylee went straight to heaven i know that are you trivial do you get the implication there
In other words, what she's saying is she's like, yes, my daughter did this really gruesome thing. But my daughter does. I know this about my daughter, that she believes that once she killed her daughter, she was in heaven. Therefore, it's cool. Just a shell. It's just a shell. And so where most people would think that that was really heinous. Just so you know. It makes sense to me. It makes sense. She has her own belief. She's got right. She has her reason. Right. Oh, I think burying this child in the woods because she was a Christian and believed her soul had left her body. No, I'm not. That's not the right place for Kaylee's remains to be. I mean, I feel that as soon as someone. Why even say it then, Cindy? Why even say it? They're gone, and that's just a shell. Our body is just a vehicle to be on this earth. But I would never place anybody that I love like Kaylee was found. I would never do that. Well, then why are you even saying it? You brought it up. Why are you bringing it up? Well, finally, and I got to, listen, I got respect for Dr. Phil on this. He calls her out, man. He calls her out big time. I can't excuse her for whatever happened. I can't do that. She's responsible for Kaylee, and whatever happened to Kaylee, she has knowledge of that.
And where Kaylee was eventually placed, AC has something to do with it. I know that. There's no excuse for where Kaylee was found. No, none whatsoever. And I'm not making excuses for that. But... When you say but, that starts the excuse. Yes. To me, that was... That's so rad. True. When you say the word but, whatever comes next is an excuse by definition. Kaylee. I mean, yes, it breaks my heart that... Her body was left there. But what were we going to do anyway? Our belief is for cremation. And Kaylee's remains would have been cremated at that time. And they were cremated seven months later. Cindy, you just said she shouldn't have put her in the woods. But what were we going to do anyway? That is excusing this. That's why people are shaking their televisions right now. He's right.
He's right, man. She's certifiable. That's a weird thing to say. Let's see. This one's pretty crazy, too. Listen to this one. I prayed to God for three years to find out what happened to Kaylee. And I prayed during the whole trial that God would give me closure. And if Casey was responsible for Kaylee's death. that Casey would go to jail and be punished. And when that verdict came in and Casey was free, I got my answer that it was an accident. And I believe that justice for Kaylee was when her mother walked. I believe that in all my heart because I know the love that those two had. And I know Kaylee's soul would never have rested knowing that her mother has been vilified for her death. And I believe it was an accident. And until someone can prove it differently, that's what I believe. That is some wackiness, man. That's about as wacky as it gets. Now, before I start to, you know, before we all started to go, oh, and we just start piling on. I mean, hearing that clip actually makes me think that there's something actually cuckoo. Like not just like, you know, oh, it's not just saying it when you go, you're crazy. Like maybe meaning it, like maybe she really is.
Apple doesn't fall far. That is some kooky stuff, man. Anyway, very compelling stuff, man. It was really, really compelling. Let's see. I do have another one that's pretty interesting. This one has to do with Casey borrowing a shovel. Do you believe she borrowed a shovel? According to our next-door neighbor, that's the statement that he gave. Yeah, I think she borrowed a shovel. And what do you... I think she was making sandcastles. Mm-hmm. Do you think she did with that shovel? I think she did what she said she did with it. And you might laugh at this, but she... Might? I find humor in it. It's hysterical. Let me tell you. ...did to cut a piece of bamboo. And the shed was locked once again. Or maybe she used it to try to break... You know what I think just made up my mind? Cindy tried to talk to Kate.
Casey after the trial and Casey said no. She wouldn't see her. And I think that she feels tremendous guilt for what a wacky control freak mom she was to Casey. And I think that she is now hoping Casey sees these interviews and goes, look, I'm sticking up for you. Will you talk to me again? Will you please talk to me? I'm sticking up for you. I found this article on these. Badass weapons that America has that I didn't even know about. And I'm talking about, like, rifle-type stuff that are the trippiest but the coolest thing I've ever seen. I'm going to tell you all about them. Your phone calls, 570-1949. Still got all kinds of stuff to talk about. Yeah, we got all kinds of stuff. So, 570-1949. Your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949.
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The Mikey Show. Oh, yeah. Mike. Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Welcome to the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. What is going on with you? What? Is there something on him? Is there something on him? How are those waffles? Good. Did you do some of those waffles? What? How are they? Are they delicious? Yeah, they're delicious. Did you make them, Woods? No, I didn't make his waffles. My microphone wasn't on yet, so I can eat up until my microphone goes on. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's not what I'm talking about. You're allowed to do whatever you want, your 70-year-old man.
I'm wondering how you're enjoying your Robitussin-flavored waffles. How are they Robitussin-flavored? I might have poured his syrup out of his container, put Robitussin in his container. You freaking monster. I was wondering why it was red. I thought it was strawberry-flavored syrup. I have to go see. He's feasting. Are you eating it? I was eating it. I thought it tasted a little different, but I was like... A little different? I got it cold. Yeah. Smell it. Go ahead. Smell it. Can I smell it? Yeah. What's up? What is that? How do you not notice? It smells like strawberries. It smells like strawberries. I thought Kim had gotten strawberry flavored. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It has a medicine-y taste. Ew. You know what? I just had rheumatoid too long ago. Jay, don't eat anymore. You're going to overdose. Howdy!
I thought it was strawberry flavors. Yes! I thought that was so out of character for Kim getting strawberry flavors. Don't eat anymore. Just enjoy the ride, Jay. What does it taste like? What's that? Now all it tastes like is cough syrup, but before it was delicious. Like when he didn't know. What's up, dude? Oh, my gosh. He's going to fall asleep. Now it tastes like cough syrup. And he's still eating it. Well, it's my breakfast. He's got... Here's the deal. I'll buy you some breakfast. I had to... It had to be done. Why? Because he has this little plastic container with syrup in it. Is it like those little Ziploc... No, it's a... Ziploc makes them? It's like a Tupperware. It's like a Tupperware. Oh, and here's my syrup in a cup out here. In a cup. Yeah, I didn't want to throw a serve way. I'm not a total D. Aren't you? Am I? It's covered in Robitussin. I thought you needed some Tussin, dude. You weren't feeling it, and you're still eating it. So I saw him yesterday, and his Robitussin's right next to it. I'm like, well, I'm switching those out. You know that's coming. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. And then I saw him bite into it and not react, and that's what got me. Because it's pretty obvious that dude will eat anything. Hey, Chris, I'm going to, I'll post this. I'll post this.
Let me see. You are an ass clown. I know. That's what I do. Oh, my gosh. That's what I do. He's still eating. He's eating. I'm going to eat it all. Ew, Jerry. And the best part, he has bacon. He has Robitussin bacon. Ew. Let me see. Get you some of that Tussin, dude. He's going to start a whole new thing. Now my stomach's upset. Oh, boy. Robitussin. He's going to fall asleep. Robitussin waffle. Waffle. It's going to be tripping soon. How did you do it that you didn't see it? He was in the bathroom. It was real easy. I said it first thing this morning. It took two seconds. I'm... I thought it was so out of character for Kim to get strawberry flavored syrup. I thought, wow, look at her. And you couldn't tell. I can't smell anything. Until he told me. He can't smell or probably taste anything. Well, now that's all I can taste. Oh. It's good for you. It's good and it's good for you. I was trying to help is what I was doing. Yeah. LLB. Where do you stand on Robitussin pranks? It's pretty filthy. And Jay's breakfast actually smells delicious. So I would be really upset if I took the time to make the breakfast the night before and it got ruined by Robitussin. Two cups of Robitussin. And I had a Vicodin this morning. Yes!
What are you taking a Vicodin for? You're like William Burroughs. Oh, for his back. I had to crawl to the shower this morning, and I got in the shower with my clothes on. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Hang on. You got in the shower with his clothes on. I had to crawl to the shower. That's how dedicated I am, right? Yes. I want you to imagine G.I. Joe on their belly crawling to the shower. It wasn't that kind of crawl. It wasn't a military crawl. It was a, oh, my God, I'm going to die crawl. Oh, no. Woke up. I said, Kim, can you give me a fuck? Now I feel bad. Great. Now I feel bad. He's exaggerating, Woods. Oh, I swear. I just barely made it in here by crawling. Take me to school? I can't, son. I just barely crawled. That's when I'm laying on the tile. Why don't you take a day off? You know I will never take a day off. I've never taken a day off in my life. You want to still skate later? I will. Anything you want. But climb.
I will get Kim on the phone right now. I could not get my clothes off. I was sleeping in cut off sweatpants and I crawled into the shower. That's your first problem right there. Crawled in the shower and had her turn the water on hot until my back warmed up and then I could finally stand and drop trowel. You got in there with your shorts on? I couldn't get them off. Couldn't she? No, I could not straighten everything. It was spasms. So when you get a cold, your back goes out? Quasimodo. What do you mean? He's like the hunchback. He takes me off to one side. Oh, great. Now I feel bad. Woods, you monster. I'm a monster. Do you? No. You know how many times the guy gets me on a daily basis? All the time. All the time. Facebook. dot com slash Mikey show. M-I-K-E-Y-S-H-O-W. We just put a picture of the Robitussin waffle. Enjoy it. That's hysterical. Mostly because he had no idea he was eating it. I thought you were laughing because I was still eating. I hope that doesn't make him loopy. It's going to make him sleepy. This is daytime. This will get me jazzed. Ew.
I love you, Jay. Does Kim or you make the bacon before you come to work and then you warm it or something? Yeah. I cook it in the skillet and then throw it in and warm it up in the toaster oven. It's fantastic. Every day. It's a good bit. Dude, we'll walk out there and Jay will have a plate and it'll have bacon, perfectly cooked scrambled eggs. Like, nice toast. Looks like he just got back from the Four Seasons. Denny's, dude. Hollandaise sauce. Smells so good. Look at this picture, though. It was so nasty. And that is... I hate you. You went to the bathroom and you stuck Robitussin. And I didn't pour his syrup out. I didn't know, like... I don't know. I mean, I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I poured it out since I switched him out anyway. And he was just sitting there feasting on it. He almost beat my pants. I know. He walks in, and I'm like, we're going on the air, and he knows my thing. He's like, don't spin me out. And he can't help it. He's dying. I was holding my face in my hands. Oh, my gosh. Enjoy that Tussin, dude. I will. Enjoy it. 570-1949 is our number. I'll buy you some breakfast. Tussin. Tussin. Tussin. Your son of Tussin. All right, Lo, I still want to tell you about this. These are weapons that...
you probably didn't know that we're using and that the military has. They're badass. The AA-12 Atchison Assault Shotgun. Let me tell you what it does. First of all, it looks like a Tommy gun. It can fire five 12-gauge shells a second. Like a 12-gauge, five of them in one second. And they engineered it so that it only has 10% of the kick that a shotgun does so you can hold it at your hip yeah and go with a shotgun how badass is that uh we've got something called the phaser rifle and the way that it works is that you fire it and it has this super crazy shock wave that it sends but it
First, it travels to where it's going and then sends the shockwave. So it doesn't kill anybody. It just knocks the hell out of them. Oh, my God. Yeah. Crowd control. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, exactly. The military built something called the taser shockwave. Imagine what looks like a miniature. It kind of looks like a miniature stadium lights. Imagine miniature stadium lights that's on the ground. And what this thing will do, it's got a distance of 25 feet, and it will make people feel like they're getting tased. But it doesn't send out any tasers. No actual tasers. You turn it on, it sends out these waves, and the people are like... My God. Yeah, weird. Weird and cool. Mind games. Oh, it's awesome. We have something called the Black Knight. And this thing is a remote controlled tank. And a little scouting vehicle follows it. Low cost. You send it out. It blows things up. It's pretty cool. The active denial system.
Apparently, we've really been into this technology that it won't kill people, but it will stop people. It looks like a tank with a satellite dish on it. You point it at a crowd of Afghanistan Taliban, and it makes them feel like they're on fire. So they stop. In other words, they got rifles, right? And they're firing at American soldiers. You point it at them. It's got a big range, very wide swath. And you turn it on and they drop their weapons because they think they're on fire. This is freaking burning me. Oh, this hurt. How awesome is that? Awesome and a little terrifying. Yes. And mostly awesome. And a lot terrifying. Am I reading this correctly? I'm trying to read your mind right now.
Is there something in you that thinks that it's not cool? Yes. Not nice? Yes. First of all, it's the enemy, bro. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. How long until they get their hands on it? That's what scares me is I'm walking down the street and some dude drives his remote control car up and I feel like I'm on fire. Really? Yeah. Would you rather a bullet in your head? Yes. Wow. Then feeling like you're on fire for two seconds? Yes. And they're not going to. Dude. It scares me. Weapons scare me. You know me. I think weapons are awesome. What's worse though? Physical damage or the psychological? What do you mean? Physical. Any day. Physical. Do we want to render them just like helpless and capture? I mean, we want to capture them. So if you just do the psychological warfare, then you can capture them alive and get information out. Better than taking them out. Yeah. Let me calculate this. Talk amongst yourselves. Okay, here we go. You ready? Yeah. They have a sniper rifle that the United States just developed. And it will shoot a huge bullet very accurately from 3,937 feet. Oh, that's not a mile, is it? I don't know. I just know it's a freaking long. That's a long way. Dude.
Dude. Holy cow. That's badass. That one got me. I like that. I think snipers are cool. Oh, yeah. Sniper rifles are cool. Dude, I just love that the United States has this stuff. And we're starting to use it. Telling everybody about it. And we're winning. Well, you can tell people they don't have it. We have it. It's true. We're the ones that have it. We got the guns. Yeah. We got the guns that go boom. 570-194-9 is our number. I think that's close to a mile, pal. I'm not kidding. I bet you it is. That's insane. Oh, it's awesome. They say it's twice the distance that our normal sniper rifles go. Oh, my God. You think you'd have a shaky hand if you tried that out the first time? Oh, man. I taught Woods, you're going to be a better shot next time you shoot. I think that you did, dude. I really think you taught me something. Woods didn't know that. Because I smoked you in that game at Disneyland after you taught me.
Hey, Ella B., would you ever shoot a gun? No. It's fun shooting guns. What if a black guy had a gun and wanted you to shoot it? Would you then shoot a gun? Yeah, what if a black guy came up to you and he's like, hey, baby, you want to go with me to the range and I'll teach you how to shoot? I would maybe go to the range with him. Yeah, I would maybe go just in case of some sort of emergency. Like if I had to knock out a killer and take his gun, I knew how to use it. So you have no interest in shooting a gun? No. It's my wife. She has no interest. Mine too. I love it. I own two and don't ever shoot them and probably never will. It's because it takes a lot of effort. You've got to go somewhere and you've got to do a lot of stuff. Permits and all that crap. You've got to do stuff. You've got to go to a shooting range. It's a pain in the butt. You've got to register your guns. But I taught Woods this the other day. If you want to shoot accurately, you have to figure out which one of your eyes is your master eye. I'm going to teach you right now. I'll be okay.
I'm going to do it again. There's a guitar on the wall, LLB. I want you to keep both eyes open. Okay. I want you to hold the number one up, and you should be seeing kind of double, right? Right. Does it matter which hand? Does it matter which hand? It doesn't matter. Okay. You should be seeing double as you cover the neck of the guitar with your finger. Right. You should be seeing double. All right. Now. I want you to keep it there, and I want you to close your left eye. Hold on, Mike. Now, hang on, Woods. Hang on, hang on. I don't know if I'm doing it right. Is the neck supposed to be in the middle of my two fingers? Can you hold on a minute? Darn it. I just want to learn. And now. Okay. All right, L.O.B., we're going to start again because now I don't know where we are. Open both of your eyes. Okay. Cover the neck of the guitar. What looks like you're covering the neck of your guitar. Of the guitar, even though it's kind of blurry and double vision. Okay. Close your left eye. Is it still covering it? Yes, it is. Then you are right eye dominant. Ah. If I close my right eye, it's way off to the side. That's right. That means that you never want to shoot with your left. Ah. Woods, left eye dominant? Yeah. I want to know when I cover it up, you said keep your eyes open. Yes. Okay. So how am I covering it up?
If it's, I'm seeing two. It should appear that you're covering it up. It's blurry. Remember I said it's kind of double vision, kind of blurry. Okay, if I close my left eye, it's covering it up. So I'm right eye dominant. Yes. All right, feast. Left eye for me. Me too. Yeah. Wow, really? See, and at Disneyland, I thought I was left eye. Yeah. Now, that makes a huge difference when you're shooting a gun because most people don't know this. And let's say L-O-B, the... Jay didn't know that? Well, he'd probably think, well, I'm right-handed. I'll shoot with my right eye. Right. Doesn't work that way. And you'll be way off. And you'll never, you'll never, unless you really know how to adjust. Yeah. But if you know which one is your dominant eye, you will be accurate as all get up. That's, that works. It's usually one that's easier to close, too. Like, the one that closes, you're usually the other eye. Yeah, I wink with my left eye. Well, wait, then that doesn't make any sense. All right. I don't know. This was, now take a listen to this. This was last night. If there's a popular TV show and a band goes on a popular TV show, it doesn't matter how lame the TV show is or how lame you think it is. If a popular band goes on it, they sell records the next day. Kings of Leon can go on American Idol the next day. Boom. They won't. Okay. Maybe they won't because they're lead singers in rehab. But when he gets out.
If their manager were wanting, let's say that they just wanted to sell a bunch of records and big volumes the very next day. Done deal. They go on American Idol and the next day, any band that does it, this is statistical, they make a bunch of money. Totally. Now, are you saying totally sarcastically? No, I'm saying really, because they did a Jeff Buckley song, Hallelujah, and the thing was through the roof the next day. Now, Def Leppard went on America's Got Talent last night. I didn't think they sounded that bad. Really? Listen to this. Bad, right? Right. For 524 years old, which is what Joe Elliott is, he ain't 22 anymore. That ain't bad. It's a jam. Oh, yeah. Sounds great. Oh, yeah. You'd expect rock of ages. I did. Rock of ages. They're rolling. Just four octaves down from what it was on the record. Yep. You know? It's the same thing with Glee.
Put a song or a group on Glee and they feature it? The song goes crazy. Now, we talked about this person before, too. This is a little kid, man. This is a little kid. Now, what you've got to understand about singing, it's not necessarily about the voice box. Because they did a scope of this little kid that I'm about to play for you. They did a scope of her throat. There's nothing different about her voice box than any other typical 11-year-old. The deal is her brain. Her brain, she watches a performance by somebody that sings really good, and her brain is able to interpret it and make her voice box in tandem work to imitate it. Okay? L.O.B. does it. I do it. You do it, Woods, when we do imitations. When I do Bear Grylls, it's not that my voice has got anything different in it than the average person. But what is happening is that my brain is able to hear it and then make my vocal cords do something that makes it work. Anybody could do it. Anybody's got the vocal cords. The difference is in your brain telling it. Listen to this little girl with no different voice box than you or I. They did a special on her on 2020. They said it's her brain.
She's about to... Little kid. Incredible. Dude, her parents took her to see Phantom of the Opera. They came home. She's in her bedroom and they're like... They're listening. They're like... Yesterday, during an interview with Chaz Bono... What? Chaz's mom Cher called. That one got Chris enough that he actually started clapping. Screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Call 5701. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world by the tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Hey, it's Hillary, and today at noon on FM 94.9, we're doing Desert Island Discs. So what free records would you have to have with you if you were stranded on a deserted island? Are you the Bob Marley sublime Johnny Cash type? Or wouldn't Arcade Fire Radiohead James Addiction Trio float your boat or your raft?
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tires the 94 westbound at the 15 an accident there it's in the center divider also the 15 southbound bernardo center drive some kind of object it's an unidentified one but it's in the left lane 15 southbound before el norte parkway we have an injury accident an overturned van on the el norte on ramp to the 15 and some backup here on the five southbound between oceanside harbor drive in the 76 this report also brought to you by wawanisa insurance better service lower rates and dependable coverage for your auto home or your condo. Call 877 Wawanisa or go to wawanisaus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Woods. I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. Back to Thanksgiving 2009. We found two things out that morning. One was that Tiger Woods had cheated on his wife. That's one thing we found out that morning. It's true. The other thing we found out that morning was that White House security wasn't really up to snuff because these two clowns named the Salahis.
were able to get into a very fancy dinner. Well, then we started to know who the Salahis were because they became media whores that wanted to get on any kind of TV show they can. I believe Michelle Salahi, the pretty blonde, was on one of the housewives of Nebraska or something. Then didn't she try to get on Celebrity Rehab after that? But she wasn't addicted to media. Well, her husband reported her missing, but she wasn't missing. She was with Neil Sean of Journey. Hold on. I'm not kidding. I thought you just said that she was with Neil Sean from Journey, but that couldn't be. No.
I actually did say that. This is like a Balloon Boys story. No, no, no. Yeah. Mike, do you just believe everything you read? You said Neil Sean. That was on the page of the Inquirer? No. Neil Sean. They went to a Journey concert back in 2010. She met Neil Sean, and apparently the two hit it off, and they've been having a tryst. Neil Sean. Yes. Because Sib from Boston wasn't available. She had to go with Neil Sean. Oh, wow. That deserves a thousand points. A thousand points for Sib from Boston. I believe he was the bass player with the giant man afro. Yeah, white guy afro. Huge afro. Well done. Thank you. What's going on in sports? I'm going to tell you in a second about some baseball news.
But first, I wanted to let you know sports is brought to us today by U31. It's where I will be watching football this year, including this Sunday from noon to 2. It's in North Park. Come out and hang out with the kid. Watch the Chargers beat the Patriots, hopefully. Well, the Padres are continuing their skid. They lost again last night to the Giants. Tim Lincecum was great. Carlos Beltran hit two home runs. And the Padres are ready to get this season over with. Latos gave up three runs in seven innings. It's not bad, but there's just no offense. They lose 3-1. And the Philadelphia Phillies are the first team to clinch a playoff berth. They beat the Astros yesterday 1-0 behind a complete game from Roy Halladay. How's that work for you, L.O.B.? Every day is a Halladay. There you go. L.O.B. is a big Philly fan. So, what's the name of your hometown? It's in New Jersey, but it's called Medford. You know, I saw a lot of maps of New Jersey during Hurricane Irene. I was like, where is LV from? Cherry Hill would be the big one. That's the big city? That would be the closest. Well, I use the term city loosely. And it's only like an hour from Philly. Less. Oh, really? About 20 miles. Philly. Philly. So, yesterday, Chaz Bono.
Chaz Bono is a woman, and then she felt like a man, and then stopped being a woman and became a man, and is now a man. Now works on the Mikey Show, too, apparently. No. Does sports for him. Kind of. A rude M1 once said that you look like Chaz Bono, which you don't. Don't I? No, you don't. Kind of. You don't. Identical. Identical Woods. I'm identical. You're not identical, Bono. Your lips aren't full enough. But if your lips were just a little bit more full, I'll be saying. Your boobs are bigger. You would really be Chaz. But she's now patronizing Woods by patting him on the leg as if to say, come on, pal. You know, it's all just jokes. I thought I would get him with the unexpected one-two punch. So yesterday, yesterday while. Chaz Bono, who is now a guy, was on the Ellen DeGeneres, or as my father would say, and he really doesn't know, Ellen DeGeneres. He always says, he doesn't realize, and I'm like, it's DeGeneres. Jay does the same thing. It's no big deal. He was on the Ellen show. Right, he. And his mom, Cher, called in.
You know, I adore when you speak your mind, and I just want to hear your thoughts on people that are saying that they should boycott the show, that they're asking people not to watch Dancing with the Stars. What would you say? I didn't know that, by the way. I didn't know that there were people. Of course. Of course. Probably wacky Christians. I'm sure. It's probably wacky Christians. You probably know them. I probably don't. There was some venom in that statement. I know there was. I bet you do, Mac. You probably know Mac. Make me sick. I bet you know. I bet you give them money. I bet you secretly donate to the cause. Don't you punch us? You know, I don't know if people are that determined and they are going to use, you know, if you've got that excess time and that amount of hostility, I'm not so sure that I could say anything to you that would make you... change your feelings you know because those are such she's right right if you're the type that is going to boycott dancing with the stars because a girl is now a boy you're a nut job it'd be like as ridiculous as boycotting uh an entire radio station because you don't like that they put a talk show it would be yeah
That's a great point. That is a great point. Why is she talking to a drive-thru speaker, though? She's on the phone. Things of hostility and fear that I don't know, like, that I would have any magic words that could make you feel more comfortable and to, you know, soothe you into not being terrified if my child dances on Dancing with the Stars. It's just called Dancing with the Stars. It's just called Dancing with the Stars. To Cher's defense, She thought that was the name of the show. Oh, man. And it turns out it's just Dancing with the Stars. Here's my problem with the whole thing is that it's, hey, listen, I just want to dance. Like, I just want to dance. Okay, why are you on every effing talk show talking about it? Every single show. I don't know what the big hub of it is. I just want to dance. Yeah, they're all out there. Then go dance. Quit talking about it and crying about it. Go dance. Well, first of all, Dancing with the Stars went after Chad. Of course. It was a win for them to get him on the show. I get it. But then you've got Cher. People need to leave him alone because, you know, he just wants to dance. Fine. Let the guy dance and stop talking about it. I'm tired of it. Well, he's getting hate mail. Yeah. Okay. Stop talking. We get hate mail. What are we going to do?
We talk about it. We talk about it. Do we? Yeah, you know what we don't do? We don't go on Fox News. Then we don't go over to the DSC. Then we don't go over to other shows and talk about it. Hey, if we put out a book, we would. Yeah. Yeah, probably. You know what I mean? Probably, but it should. And listen, if DSC would have allowed us. to go on to promote Wipeout, we would have. Oh, yeah. Probably. Probably. It would have sounded like this. Hey, Mikey, how you doing? So let me get this straight. You've got a couple of guys on your show going to be on Wipeout, right? That's right, Dave. Yeah, what are they going to do? Well, they're going to be on the show. Be on Wipeout. So ABC's Wipeout tomorrow night. Thanks. I'm just taught. It's like, it's just like, it reminds me of the Aaron Andrews thing. Like when she got, the peeper looking at her was like, I just want my privacy. I don't, I want to be left alone. I just want to do my job. I want to be a reporter. I want to be a reporter and get my privacy so bad that I'm going to go on Dancing with the Stars. It just, that kind of stuff drives me nuts. And Chaz Bono ain't saying that, dude. No, he's doing the, I just want to dance. I don't know what the big deal is. And I agree with you, Chaz. I don't see the big deal either.
Cher makes jazz jokes about his dancing. How's your dancing? You know, the first, I think I texted you about, my first dance is pretty good now, the cha-cha. The quick step gives me nightmares. Identical Neil Patrick Harris. Yeah, identical doogie. That is Neil Patrick Harris' voice. Oh my gosh. You're 100% correct. A gay man and a former... Woman. Woman, lesbian. Or is he a straight man now? Straight man. Straight man with a girlfriend. What about his girlfriend? What does that make her? But he's still with the girlfriend that he had when he was a girl. So she's a lesbian that's now had to go straight. Yes. I don't think he has working parts. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. He has parts. Really? He's transgender. Yes. He does, Woods. I didn't think he got it done yet. I'm with Jay on this one. I'm pretty sure he hasn't got the stuff. I'm pretty sure he has. He had surgery. I think it's Kendall. He's got the right stuff. No, it's not Kendall. He had surgery. I'm going to look it up. All right, $20, Woods. You just called me Tussin. Yeah, $20. Done. All right, done. He's got parts. I need to see pictures of it. Like a wiener. No, Woods. Like... A functioning... Like an antenna.
I hate you. I'm pretty confident. We did it for some of the other people on the show today, and they seem to really like it. I've got to tell you something, Daw. You doing this dance is about as scary as you making the change. No, Wiener. What's the deal, Ella B? So far, I'm on hormones, and I've had a hysterectomy, and I've had my top surgery, and I'm still at this point researching information about bottom surgery. Was that article. I'm telling you. August 31st. Of. 2011. Tussing in your face. Ha ha. Fresh 20s for the kid. Bam. I stunk. Yep. You lost. Dang it. Just lost the fresh 20s.
Wow, I'm shocked. I am too, I thought. I knew. You've got to know your stuff. The kid is in the know. I know, dude, but that's only because you're on her fan site. He began the gender reassignment surgery but has not finished it. Has no wiener. You've never seen Chaz Bono and Woods in the same place anyway, so. Hi, this is Jay for Jay's school of telling jokes in a very blatant way. He said anyway as if we were somehow debating. I don't know what he's talking about. He's so high right now. I have my head's kind of spinning. You guys were on the same team. Woods gave a little practical joke to Jay. When Jay went into the restroom, Woods poured out into another container Jay's syrup and replaced it with Robitussin. Jay. Cannot smell because he's got a cold. Which is why he has the Robitussin, which is how Woods found it. He thought it was strawberry. After you told me I couldn't finish it. That is mean. Strawberry syrup. I'd eat a lot of dough. And I'd just taken a dose not too long ago. Yes, enjoy the ride, my friend. There's a television doctor named Dr. Keith Ablo. And Fox News host Megan Kelly confronted Dr. Keith Ablo.
About his opinion that Chaz Bono's appearance on Dancing with the Stars is bad for kids. I think the viewers get this. I think they get that our children are no more likely to turn transgender from watching Chaz Bono than they are to turn gay from watching Will and Grace. You either are or you're not. How many kids turn gay from watching Will and Grace? First of all, I have no idea what the statistics would show, nor am I proposing that they do become homosexual from watching Will & Grace. However, I will tell you that the idea that you would suggest to a child who may come to have questions about his or her gender, that a very defensible path and one that has been celebrated in the media...
and in which people have given standing ovations to the folks who have undergone these transformations, is gender reassignment surgery, I think is really irresponsible. And as for the APA, don't forget... Isn't it just tolerant? What's that? There's so much... No, it's not. There's so much hate. There's so much hate out there. There's so much hate for gays and lesbians and transgender people. But I would have spoken out against them. Well, you know what? The thing is, Doc, you seem to be adding to the hate. Because, you know, you went out there, you compared... No, no, no. Dodo brain, hatred. And, you know, I don't know where you went to journalism school. I didn't even graduate from high school. But hatred is when you dislike someone to the point where you you can't stand them. That's hatred. That's what for her. Listen, and I don't I'm not even saying I agree with dude, but dude's not hating. Yeah. Haters like to hate. Haters gonna hate. Haters gonna hate. I guess dummies can be dummies, too. I think they're both being a little dumb. They're both being extreme. They're both being extreme. I mean, listen, dude. I grew up watching Bosom Buddies. Didn't mean I wanted to dress like a woman. But I would have if I could make sex to Donna Dixon, who was on that show. Oh, yeah. I wanted to dress like a woman in a heartbeat. I wonder what Donna Dixon looks like now. Probably Angelic. She was one of the modest girls ever to walk the face of the earth.
You'd be surprised. Chaz Bono to somebody who thinks they're a zebra and a farm animal. How is that? This person struggled mightily with a disorder that a lot of people have. I think you've got to review. Megan, you've got to review the transcript. I said, listen, if you tattooed yourself like a zebra, I'm not going to throw a rock at you. I'd take a rock for you if someone threw it at you. But if you ask me, are you a zebra? I'm going to say no. And I'd say to Chaz Bono, if he asked me, am I a man? I'd say, no, brother, you're not. Why'd you call him brother? We'll leave it at that. Dr. Avlo? He's trying to be tolerant. Well, the truth of the matter is that Chaz Bono's not a guy. I know. I thought Chaz Bono was a guy. I thought so, too. He's not a guy. Well, he's partially there. You can't be partial. No, listen. I don't think. Listen. And the gays and lesbians in the audience, you can tell me if I'm wrong. I'm going to refer to Chaz Bono from this point on as her. Wait, wait. She doesn't have a wiener. But she will. She will. Well, and as soon as she gets one, she's a dude. Yeah. I ain't no chick. I have a wiener. If you have a vagina, you're a girl. How do you say if she don't have a wiener that she's a guy? How do you say that? Logic would say that you can't. You can't. But logic, but you get a haircut and you take hormones and suddenly you're allowed?
I don't get that. A hysterectomy. A hysterectomy. He had a surgery. He feels like a man. But as soon as he's actually got the part, I'm like, yes. A wiener makes the man. Doesn't it? Why don't you do whatever makes him happy? Why don't you tell that? I'm not even talking about making people happy. Yeah. I'm not talking about making people happy. If you were talking to him and he wanted, if you had a chance to interview him and he came on and he said, I want to be referred to as dude or man or that. Would you go, nope, sorry. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't say that. If he came on the show and he goes, I would like to be referred to as sir during the course of this interview, I'd go, okay, sir. Well, that's what he's saying in public. On all this public. On every talk show. On every talk show, he wants to be referred to as a man. Yeah, and if he comes on this talk show, I'll oblige. I'll be nice and say. But you don't think. No, I don't think he's a dude. He's got a wah-wah. He's got a tinkle tinkle. He's got a hoo-ha. He's going to get rid of the hoo-ha. Yeah. And when he gets a bazinga bazoink. How do they do that, by the way? They have to do some reversals and turn some things a different direction. Wow. That's painful. It is. Jay knows from experience. Yeah. It hurt, right, Jay? I'm not sure what you mean.
I don't know. Nancy Grace was really sticking up for Chaz. You know, they're going to be on Dancing with the Stars together. Castmates. Yeah, they're castmates. And was, you know, Nancy Grace was really sticking up for him. Him. No, no, no, no. Chaz Bono doesn't have a wiener. I know. So Chaz Bono. I just want you to follow the rules. Just follow the rules. I ain't following any rules. That's somebody else's rule. That ain't mine. All right. And by the way, that doesn't make me a hater either. No, no. Yeah, I know. You're not saying your hand. All right. You're provocative. No, I'm provocative. You're so provocative. I didn't know until today that there was no... I just won 20 bucks. So anyway, I think we have Nancy Grace right now. I think that's a deal. Nancy? Yes, this is Nancy Grace. TV's Nancy Grace. We know you're on TV. You don't have to say every time. You don't say, yeah, this is Radio's Mike Esparza. This is Radio's Mike Esparza. People know that.
You're not trying to get new listeners roped in? Well, yeah, I mean, but yeah, for sure. But yeah, you have to tell everybody, TV's Nancy Grace. Therefore, it's Nancy Grace, TV's Nancy Grace. All right. What's going on? Now, I want to defend my friend Chaz in this deal. All right. What say you? About what? Well, as a working Chaz Bono impersonator, what are your thoughts? He's not, listen. He is not a working Chaz Bono impersonator. He's out of work right now. That's not fair. It isn't that he can't get a job. That's not fair. It isn't that he can't find a party to work. It's not that I'm trying to find work as a Chaz Bono impersonator. He's not a Chaz Bono impersonator. I'm not a Chaz Bono impersonator. I have a wiener.
Nice size wiener, too. Well, I'm sure things will turn around for you, then. I'm not looking for work. You don't have to wish him luck. It's not like he's trying. He's not. I'll pray for you. Oh, my God. Don't pray for me. Nancy, he's not. He isn't the Chaz and Bono. I don't look like Chaz. He doesn't look like Chaz. Don't you? He doesn't look like Chaz. I can't hurt. Did you hear that? Yes, I did. Listen, Mike. Yes. When you were a guy and you made this... I am a guy now. I'm a guy now. Remember when you were? I am a guy. Well, you made that transition to become a full-figure gal. Yep. Full-figure. I didn't. I'm not. And I don't know what... That's stupid. This ain't about a man becoming a woman or a woman becoming a man. Yeah. It's about one thing and one thing only. What? The chubby tranny just trying to be one of the boys. Oh, my God. That's a little NPC. TV's Nancy Grace. You've lost your mind. Hey, half the people on your show are gals, right? No. No. No, they're guys. What about Chaz? I'm not...
Chaz. That's not Chaz. He doesn't look like Chaz. What's his name? It's Woods. Ah, Woods. Woods. Chaz and Mabel in there. Boy, it sure does seem like Nancy Grace is taking a lot of pleasure in that. Like, a lot. I've never seen Chaz and Woods. That's what I said. He's taking a lot of liberties. He's the same person. Thank you, Nancy. Good one. Say, man! Thank you. Oh, my gosh. I like Nancy a lot more now. Pass it. People are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes.
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This report brought to you by Allstate. The more you protect, the more you can save bundle coverage for your car, plus your boat, your motorcycle, or more. Call your local agent and bundle and save today. 15 northbound at Adams Avenue, an accident on the right shoulder. It's on that off-ramp. Also, the 15 southbound at Bernardo Center Drive, some kind of object in the left lane. Car in the center divider here on the 94 westbound at the 15. This report also brought to you by REMAX. Nobody sells more real estate than REMAX. Find an agent near you at REMAX.com. REMAX, outstanding agents, outstanding results. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird's Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. 4-4, 8 Thursday morning, being brought to you once again by bulky boy clothing line. It's the best you can get, whether you're big or you're small, all the way around. It's what I wear. Surf-wise today, looking kind of weak and somewhat bleak as that southwest swell continues to taper off. Secondary northwest lingering on, too. Pretty small, though, down there in that ankle-knee waist-high range on average. A few pluses of the standout spots. Most open to this total swell combination. Looking like it's a longboard day for sure.
Beach break is going to be your better bet, kind of a low tide situation now. Look for some improvement at the structured areas and sandbars as that tide does fill in. Reef breaks, a few pop-up peaks, maybe good for a turn or two, but that's about it. Overcast skies will greet you today, partly cloudy throughout the latter part of the day. Could warm up a little bit more than it has been. Winds are pretty calm, water temp hovering in that mid-60s too. So there's a little bit of surf to be had, but nothing to really miss work or school about. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair needs, go see Powell Joe Roper down on Marina Boulevard. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. When you're fat, you're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best move you ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jake. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Of the day is village. So when we say, when I work the word village into a sentence between now and ten, caller number nine, you're going to get Padres tickets. And that will include tickets to the Switchfoot concert right after the game. It's also going to qualify you.
For the grand prize, which we'll draw for on Friday. VIP package to that game. Two tickets to the game. Two on-field passes for the Switchfoot show. Two meet-and-greet passes to meet Switchfoot. Two autographed things from Switchfoot. And the new Switchfoot album. What a beast of a prize. Oh, yeah. I'm not making fun of it. Watch it. Oh, boy. This is Woods' favorite song. She's singing to me. When I'm driving. She is an angel. This is her singing to me. He really does imagine that they're in a relationship. Like you don't. I don't. Not with her. Colby Calais you did. No. It wasn't Colby Calais. It was Michelle Branch. Michelle Branch. Fair enough. Me and her just walking down the boardwalk holding hands, swinging hands real good. The song is called Teenage Dream. There you go. So it's right up with Zally. Oh, that's right. I forgot. It all makes sense.
Hey, for those of you that are new to the Mikey show, to explain that joke, Woods has a thing for teenage girls. Yeah, great. Hi, honey. Now, he doesn't actually do anything with them. No, he just admires them. He admires them. Like a Monet. Yeah. Why am I here? Hey, dude, listen. Jazz bono, pedophile. Just a jazz bono lookalike pedophile. If the training bra fits. Yeah, perfect. He must have quit. Wait, it doesn't really work. Maybe you don't put any more Robitussin syrup on his... Maybe he doesn't pop Vicodin before he comes to work. Had to. What do you think you are? Had to. I haven't seen it. I'm here all the time. Hey. I ain't the one that put a brobertussin on me. I'm so wasted. I'm a Maffles. I'm so hot. I'm the one that's here on Saturday. This is Saturday, right? Jay, this is Thursday. Are you sure? Oh, what are you now, Mr. Callender? I don't know. Why did I have so many beers listening to them? I don't know. I'll tell you why. Hard day of work having to work with Fezzo.
The CMY I'm talking to, Orwoods, it's transfixable. Either way, you guys are like transgender. I can mention one of you and I'm talking about the other. It's like, oh, you guys are action figures and all. Non-action figures. Is there such a thing as a non-action figure? You guys are lazy figures. Yeah, you guys are just figures. I'm figures of you. You're looking kind of fat. Look at these arms. Fat, fat, fat. Daddy's little fatty. Oh, you'll never get a prom date with all that tub on your face, you know. How long have I been waiting? How long have I been waiting to do that one? Had a long time. I'll tell you that right now. How dare you. Dear insult, Barry. I'm on tubal system. And want to know what? I found me a new drop.
And I can't wait to play it. And it has to do with the fact that my friends are fat. The baddest part about my new drop is 45 seconds long. The baddest part. I can play it and we don't have to do anything else. It goes straight into the break. Hey Mikey, what do you think about using that drop for best of? In other words, if we're out sick one day. We'll just play that drop back because it'll be a 45-second bit. You're looking kind of fat. Look at these arms. Fat, fat, fat. Daddy's little fatty. Oh, you'll never get a prom date with all that tub on your face, you know. It's the longest drop in history. Oh, my gosh. It is quite a long drop. It's good. You can always pause it. It's a good one, though. Oh, gosh. Worth the wait. Absolutely. He was dying to get that one in there.
Speaking of Jay, yesterday, he says, we met with our lawyer to add Jasper to our family trust. When I first read that he met with a lawyer, I thought maybe he was trying to buy his company back from his wife. He sold it. Right. He says a fancy name for a will. Oh, man. Right now, he is in our will as a future child. You are a grown-up. He says, we just wanted to make sure to dot all the I's, cross all the T's. Lawyers always make me feel dumb. Sometimes I pretend to know what they're talking about and nod my head. Hey, we all do, pal. We all do. Trust me. I thought maybe it was just me. It ain't. Trust me. Those guys will talk. We just did the family trust with my dad. Oh, yeah. And the guy is talking and talking and talking. We're all just looking at him glassy-eyed. Yeah. But it's important to do. If you don't have a living trust,
And you have kids, you should get one. Everything's in it. Yeah. I guess I'll be good for a while then. Oh, wow. Ouch. Yeah, I probably will too, Ella B, since I don't have any kids. We'll just frolic. Did you put your dog in there? Did you put Bear in there? Oh, boy. That looks as no. What are you talking about? I'm talking about your dog. Your other family member is not in your living trust. You probably would. He'll be fine. Will he? Woodsy. Well, I guess I'll take him. Woodsy. He'll go to somebody. Honest cap. Who? Woodsy. What am I? Woodsy. Honest cap. I'm going to ask you an honest cap question. You've got to answer the truth. Yes. Would you really do that? Absolutely, I would. For real? For real, yeah. 1,000%. Woods? Yes. I think you're kind of a monster if you don't take care of your pets after you die. It is a dog.
Well, why wouldn't you take care of your dog now? I love my dog. It's not like he's going to live there by himself. Nobody's going to fight for him in court. Who's going to take him? That's all I'm asking. I'm not calling you out. I just want to know who's going to take him. They all love him. Yeah, he's going to be taken care of. How do you know? A court is not going to go, okay, you're going to take this dog and put him in. Doggy protection until we figure out where he's going to go. Obviously, that would be ridiculous. A doggy foster. How hard is it to say, I would also like to make sure that if something happens to me and my wife, Kim R. Isbell, that our dog, Bear R. Isbell, is taken care of by Madeline R. Isbell. That's not that hard. Now, I don't want to upset you, Jay. What if your whole family gets wiped out, except for the dog? Well, then we won't have to worry about it. Then we won't have to worry about it, will we? What about the dog? It's morbid. I'm going to have him cremated at the same time to be buried with all of us. Thank you. Let me ask you a question, Jay. I don't want this to upset you in any way or anything. Let's say you were slaughtered. I'm just saying in the very unlikely event. You all went down in an aircraft. Well, Bear was flying with us then. I'm just saying you're a responsible guy.
You're very responsible with your dog. You're very responsible about walking your dog, picking up its poop, feeding it. Maybe take care of it. I guess I should put my fish. I got to put my fish. Yeah, fish too. Yeah, what about the fish ones? Yeah, what about the fish? I've got ants in my yard too. No, because fish don't sleep in the same bed with you. Oh, so that's the qualifier. Well, then I'm fine. That's the qualifier. Bear doesn't sleep in my bed either. Yes. Okay, well, bear doesn't sleep in his bed. Can you cuddle fish? No. So I guess they're worthless, right? They don't mean anything. Would you be upset with Michael Vick if he did fish fighting, beta fighting? No. Wouldn't you? No. If it came out in the news tomorrow that Michael Vick was doing beta fish fighting. I could care less. Why? Because they're not cute. What do you feed? Don't you feed, like don't, when you have certain types of animals in your fish tank, don't you in fact feed them other fish? Yeah. Okay, well, there you go. It's not just woods. Everybody puts a priority over the cute. Well, dude, I mean, a dog helps blind people. Actually, they're training dogs to fight on the front lines in Afghanistan. When they start doing that with fish, then I'll feel bad for fish. So, feast on that. You're a clown. I'm not a clown. That's in the news today. What about rats? We use them for testing for cancer and stuff like that. You can fight rats all you want because they're hideous and they carry diseases. But they also help. What about lab mice?
Don't really care. Do you feed those to snakes? I would be happy with anybody, any of my friends. I'll take them. I got them. It's weird, Woods. If all my family was wiped out. Well, okay. I have seven. I've got seven dogs. Woods, if you're sitting in front of an attorney, I want you to just imagine this. Okay. You be the attorney. Okay. I'll be me. All right. All right. Mr. Woods, it looks like we've got everything wrapped up here and you should be fine. And even though you don't have children now, we've got a provision here for future children. Yeah, exactly. We're good. Actually, my wife and I wanted to talk to you. We have seven dogs that we want to make sure are taken care of if something should happen to us today on the ride home from here. How's that? What do you mean? You heard me. So I have seven dogs that I want to make sure are taken care of. Okay, well, I'm sure you can make a... Actually, I want it in the document so that I know I feel better peace of mind for us that they are taking care of. Well, the only thing I have to tell you, Mr. Woods, is that is humorous and everything. I'm not making a joke. I'm not joking. And you can charge me whatever you got to charge me. They're going in there with our fake child that we don't have yet. Mr. Woods. You said you made a provision for the fake child. These are real dogs. Yeah, but Mr. Woods.
This is no laughing matter. This is no joke. Do I sound like I'm laughing? I think he's serious, Bob. I'm dead serious, Bob. Listen, you didn't come to Bob, McCankle, and McCrankle. I'm McCrankle. That's McCankle. I'm McCankle. I'm Bob. You're Bob McCankle. You didn't come to Bob, McCankle, and McCankle. Right. For a joke, for some sort of comedy club. I do work in radio, but I'm not doing a bit. What would you like the dogs? What do you want me to put? Well, I want you to... I want to sit down and I want to... Do I want to go to a foster home? No, I want a couple of them to go to my parents, a couple to my brother, and a couple to my sister-in-law, and I'm going to tell you which ones. You are? Yes. Could you tell us right now who would go where? Probably. Well, then you're a bad owner. I've heard it all. You don't have a family trust right now. Well, I don't have $800.
And I don't have any kids. So if you did, you would put them in there. There's no question. If you were wiped out today, you don't know where they're going. Nobody would know. Actually, I do know where they're going. But you're dead. Right. I know where they're going. Where are they going? It probably does need to be written down. Where are they going? Shooter would go to my parents. You hate Shooter so much. You just can't. I love Shooter. He slept in bed with us last night. I love Shooter. You don't want him to have a friend. My parents love that dog. So Shooter would go to my parents. Penny, Lucky, and Sonny, and Savannah. Those are all Yorkies, by the way. Right. They would all go to Julie, who is Jamie's sister, and then... Do they know that? Julie and your parents? Yeah, they know that. Are you assuming that? No, they know. That's a plan. Is that a real plan? We haven't hashed it out, but she would take it. Jay's right. You're irresponsible. I'm not irresponsible. I don't have a living trust. You don't care about those laws. Well, write it out. Because if something happened to you today- But I don't have one. Nobody would even know. You should get one. You're right. I probably should, but I don't have any kids. You realize I was paying this lawyer by the hour, too, so now I'm taking more time. It would have five minutes. You have one dog. So now you're putting a price on your dog. Right. He could go anywhere.
I'm sure he'll be taken care of. Yes. By who? Someone will take the dog. Some guy walking down the street and sees a hungry dog. An abandoned, hungry dog. What is this telling me? How do you get out of the backyard? When you just starve to death in the backyard? Lauren. Just make sure he's taken care of all the dogs. Don't let him make you. What about the dogs? So you don't think Finnegan would walk in the house and go, what if Finnegan's gone? What if Finnegan's gone? Okay, then. Just make sure he's taking care of it. That's all I'm saying. What if Maddie's gone? Okay, then my sister, when she comes into town for the funeral. There you go. She'll walk in the house and go, hey, there's Bear. Put it in the wheel. How will she know? Put it in the living trust. Just take care of it. I have a question. Just take care of your dog. I have a question. For this question, you have to remove. These are the people that are not eligible for the question. Lauren's not eligible for this question as an answer. And neither is Chris. You only have a choice between me and Jay. Who gets the dogs? Jay. Bam. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. All right. Me or Adolf Hitler? You. Okay. Just barely though. Yeah. Barely. All right. I don't know. Adolf would be pretty good to us. Who's Adolf? Me or a stranger on the street? You. I'm really.
shocked. I'm shocked as well. I'm really shocked. I'm not a dog hater. Well, he's a dog fighter. I'm not a dog fighter. You're a dog fighting advocate. No, I'm not a dog fighting advocate. You're an animal hater. Nope. I love animals. As long as they're not yours. I just don't want any animals. I tried to sell Mike and Rebecca on getting a dog for the boys at Disneyland and that Mike just shushed me right up. Did you say that in front of Jake? No. You should just give him one for his birthday. We'd give it right back. Oh, my God. We'd give it right back. He would not let go of that little baby. That's a monstrous move. Rebecca would sue you. She would kill you. She'd kill you. She'd kill you. She'd look at me. That is my plan. Yeah, she'd kill you. And it'd have to be a cute little puppy with like a bone. Cocker's little Cocker Spaniel. Neither one of us wanted. Don't give him up. Neither one of us. You just don't know what you're missing. Another best of drop. You're going to make him. He's going to lose it. At least I'm married. Okay. Oh, gosh. He's high on cough medicine. She didn't hear it. I missed it. She didn't hear it. She's looking for something. Do you have it? Mm-hmm. Okay. I already... I'm going to print it out for you. Thank you. Thank goodness. I emailed it to you. Jay, I will turn your mic off, and I'm not kidding. You're high on Robitussin. You need to keep it. Look at Woods. What happened?
What happened? Look at Woods. She started it. What, because you said at least I'm married? I thought you didn't. But I get to go slay whoever I want, so feast on that. No, you don't. You could sleep mad. No, you don't. Well, no. Technically, I'm not. You're in a committed relationship. I know that. I'm just saying. There's pluses and minuses. By the way, Woods has a look on his face right now like, what's happening right now? I heard that. I didn't think it was that bad. What are your pluses? Oh, my God. My pluses? Besides your bottom. I've got freedom. Do you? I can go do whatever I want. Can you? You don't. You don't. I can move wherever I want to. You're in a committed relationship. Yes, but if anything went sour with that, I could go. You guys would have to file for divorce. We're not going to, though. We're going to stay together forever because we've made a relationship that lasts. He's lost his mind. He's high. At least I'm married. Gosh darn. Isn't that right? Fatty and unmarried. At least I'm skinny. Mike would. At least when I say crazy things, they still love me on the Facebooks. God, you lost it. I will never put cough syrup on his waffles again. He just, by the way, as we were all joking around right now, he got this, his eyes got all wide. His eyes got all wide, and I saw him go, take this giant breath. Dude, he's...
High on Robitussin. You ain't never gonna get married. What's this besides your bottom? Microphone's moving around. You got a big old butt? I said it. Bottom. Girls. Oh, you gonna take me home tonight. Oh, right beside the red fire light. Oh, you gonna let it all hang out. L-O-B's butt. You make the rocking world go round. Get on your horse and ride. Round. Oh, my God. Isolate. The only thing more cruel than Jay is a Robitusson. Jay. Apparently. It's not me talking. It's a Tusson. It's a Tusson, man. Hey. I can't help it.
I hate all of you. I just wanted to put it out there. Finally, it's truth serum. This is what it is. It's truth serum. It does have that effect on it. Hey, Mike, I think it's funny the show abandoned you. Mike, I told you you're a bad dad, right? You're also a bad husband. I would, you too. It'll be, you'll never be a wife's. Don't even worry about being a bad one. Because you got a big old butt. It's going to get bigger and keep you single forever, fatty. Listen, your body is hot, except for your butt's too big. I like it. It looks like a plum. Yeah, it's like a plum. Mikey Kim Kardashian looked anorexic. Ella B., you walked in the other day and said, did a pear with legs just walk in here? Because it looked like an actual pear fell off a pear tree with gruesome legs and blonde hair and walked in here.
What's that pear doing walking? Why does it get hair? That's a human. Look at that face. Look at his face. He is... God. If you just tuned in, Woods replaced... He replaced syrup with Robitussin and Jay ate it. Truth serum. Yeah, apparently it's truth serum. Robiserum. He literally, his eyes got real wide and he goes... I've forgotten to breathe. Oh, wow. Oh, that's great. I don't want to hear anything out of you when I say this, Jay. There's a woman named Pauline Potter. She's the world's heaviest woman. And... Sorry. Did you hear him? What did he say? He competed for the world record and explains why she competed for the world record of being the world's heaviest woman. That's coming up next. Mikey Show. Call him. 570-1949. Or text him. 949mikey at gmail.com. Or coming up. FM 94.9. Hey, gang. It's your old pal, Woodsy. And your old pal, L-O-B. Old pal, L-O-B. That's right. We want to tell you about a life-changing event that I did about a year ago. And L-O-B, when was yours? Oh, about a month ago. What'd you get? What did I get? I got LASIK with Dr. Sandy T. Feldman.
How awesome is Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center? Oh, my gosh. I was nervous. I was a little nervous going into it, nervous, excited. And then as soon as I got there, I had an M1 actually send me a message yesterday saying, I'm so nervous. I said, look, as soon as you get in there, you're going to be fine. They put you at ease. It's clean. It's professional. It's soothing. State of the art. Oh, yeah. Place is legit. So, listen, if you are thinking about getting LASIK. I was thinking about it again last night, laying in bed going, wow, I don't have contacts in. I don't have to wear glasses. I can lay on the side of my face. You know what I mean? Every day I find a million new reasons why it's the best move that I made and best move LOB ever made. We got 2015 vision. Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Go to clearvieweyes.com or call 858-452-3937. Chevron Extra Miles, great selection of energy drinks allows me to stay on top of my game. They've got Van Hoot Coffee, Energy Shots, and Rockstar and Red Bull. Hey, you can hear those guys too, right? Power up at Chevron Extra Mile. Grab any two works, five-hour energy, or Redline Energy Shots for just $4.99. One at regular price. Now through October 31st. Chevron Extra Mile. Extra easy, extra value. At select Chevron locations. Every mini has always offered iconic style, go-kart handling, and exhilarating performance.
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Do you have a used musical instrument at home gathering dust? Guitar Center's experts are interested in buying it from you for cash this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. You don't even need to be a musician. Look in attics and basements because we're buying qualified guitars, amps, pedals, keyboards, drums, and more. It's the Used Gear Expo at your local Guitar Center, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Looking to upgrade? We'll pay cash for qualified used gear and give you a 15% discount on new gear. You can even trade gear. Find details and your local store at guitarcenter.com. I was car shopping with a dream in mind and reality in my budget. But with the unbelievable rate I got, I could shoot for the moonroof and the five-star dream car. I got a box of, uh...
You know, stuff in the mail because I like to shop on the internet. Lauren. I'm not a crier. Woods. I used to drink a lot. And Jay. How about you let me raise my own kid? On FM 94.9. Do you know where Lauren O'Brien is? I have no idea. Bathroom. Weird day today. It is. It has been, I think. Because you tried to kill me. Yeah. Tried to overdose my friend Jay. Why would you do that? I didn't mean to. I was trying to be funny. But I made it up to you. I bought you some waffles. That was delicious. Thank you. 570. If you want to text, it's 949mikey at gmail.com. Where is Lauren? I think she thought we had traffic. Stacy missed the traffic report, so she thought she had a whole other minute. There she comes. There she comes, hauling it. There she is. She had a big load to carry. Takes a village. Jay? What did he say? Nothing. What did he say? Gosh, darn it. Our brakes are shorter today. Stacy missed the traffic, that's why.
He said you had a big load to carry. That's not what I said. What? What's the matter with you? That's not what I said. It's formatum what he said. What are you doing? Why are you sabotaging? What are you sabotaging over here? He's high on cold medicine and you're going to make it worse? Yeah. At least I can walk. Why are you talking like me when you're making fun of me? Isolate that. I believe that that's a good isolate. That is Jay. Oh, boy. Why talk like me when you're making fun of me? That's so great. The answer's in the question. I don't know, is it? Yeah. 570-1949 is the number. M1, Joanna from Carlsbad. Johanna, what was the word of the day? Village. Oh, wait, sorry. There we go. Johanna has a very nice voice. Very. Very. Thank you. We all heard you talk, and we all went, oh, wow. He's got a nice voice. Aw, thank you. You guys, too. Well, thank you. That's very nice. Guess what you just won? Tickets to the Padre game. You get to see Switchfoot. Nice. You get to see Switchfoot. Now, you're qualified for the VIP package. Two tickets to the game, two on-field passes to the show, two meet-and-greet passes,
A couple of autographed Switchfoot items and the new Switchfoot album. You are qualified to win that. Sweet. Love it. There you go. So hang on the line, okay? Okay. Thank you. All right. Hang on. Okay. So let's see. Mikey Thon is October 6th and 7th. All right. We will go on the air at 6 a.m. We'll stay on the air until 10 a.m. the next day. It's 28 hours of straight broadcasting, straight bits. It takes a lot of planning. And we do it for Rady Children's Hospital and their Autism Discovery Institute. So it's really cool. Tomorrow, Star Wars comes out on Blu-ray. Correct. For the first time. How are they doing it? Are they doing it the three and then the three? Or are they doing all six? You have a choice. If you'd like, you can buy all six movies. Or... If you only like the first three movies, Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi, you can buy just that, which is what I did. And see, the nerds would say, oh, Mike, those are the fourth, fifth, and sixth movies. Chronologically, Star Wars, Empire, and Return are the first. Right. So, Feast. Or, if you are some sort of bizarre sex pervert. Right.
and you only want the Jar Jar Binks movies, you can buy those. Why would anybody, anybody only want those three and not want Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi? Who's that guy? Ted Bundy's that guy. Yes. Even Ted Bundy's like, you're weird. That's weird. That's weird. Here's what is a bummer to me about. The only bummer about it is that you don't have a choice. When you get the originals, Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi, it's Lucas going in there and adding CGI. You don't want that? Hell no. You just want a better picture, better sound quality. I want what I saw when I was a kid. When you were a kid. I can dig that. He added some scenes, right? Yeah, man. He added like... stuff to make it look it dorked it out dude i'm in on that dude it dorked it out i'm in on it it made it all cartoony that but the cartoon stuff would bother me but i think i said this before have you ever watched you probably wouldn't but every now and then on like tbs they'll run like a classic movie okay they'll run like a dumb and dumber and i'll be watching or something about mary and i'll be watching it and i'm like that wasn't in the original oh that's not on my dvd because i have that it's almost like it was made for tv
And there's extra stuff in it that I always enjoy. Yeah. Does that make sense? I've only noticed that they change cuss words for stupid words. No, they do that, too. But they'll also be a totally different scene. They'll put a bonus scene in that they took out. Oh, really? That I like. You might like it. You might see it and go, I did, though, Woods. They released these in the theaters in 97. I went. I did, too. I think everybody did because they were like, you just listen. I'm not one of these guys that's really into it. Right. But I grew up watching it. Hell yeah. I never saw any of the new ones. They're dumb. I saw one, the first one, and that was enough. Oh, yeah, it was enough. It looked really bad. It looked cartoony. Jar Jar. Jar Jar Binks is so dumb. Got me. And, oh, so anyway, in 97, Lucas goes, yeah, I'm going to go in and I'm going to add, like, CGI. Monsters and stuff. Okay. It might be better. It's pretty cheesy. You never saw it, right? They came out in 97. No, not the new ones. You never saw the new ones. I think it's dumb. But you got them. Didn't have a choice. Didn't have a choice, meaning you want it on DVD? You got to take it the way they give it to you. You want it on Blu-ray? You got to take it the way they give it to you. Fair enough. 5701949. M1 Herald from San Marcos. What up?
I have a theory of why George Lucas started with episode four instead of episode one. Why? I mean, you guys are kind of all talking about episode one sucked. Jar Jar Binks. Yeah, yeah. That, he's right. Yeah. Right, yeah. There's no way I'd have gone to see episode two. Forget it. It's true. Yeah. That's a good theory. I'll tell you what, though. I think that a dude in a suit looks better than a CGI dude. Listen, I'll take Chewbacca in his, you know. furry suit over a computer-generated animated creature any day. That's stupid. Who was your favorite when you were a kid? When you saw him come on the screen, were you all the way in on? I had a few. You mean in the Star Wars? Yeah, the ones we grew up watching when we were a kid. You know what, dude? I always was scared of yet fascinated by Darth Vader.
Yeah. He didn't get me so much, but I'll tell you what got me was a stormtrooper. I thought that was the coolest freaking thing I had ever seen to that point. I agree. And Boba Fett. Boba Fett. Yeah. I've never told this story. I don't think. Maybe I did. But when I worked in Rochester, New York in radio, I worked at a radio network. And so we broadcast throughout the Northeast on a bunch of different radio stations, right? Well, the boss there, he was a strange cat, okay? He was a strange cat. His name was Bob. Bob was the guy that bought this company. He didn't know anything about radio. He just liked radio. And he was very eccentric, and he was really into Bugle Corps, the drum. And bugle corps. Now, I'm not disparaging the drum and bugle corps. Okay? What it is, is it's kind of like what you see at halftime of a football game. A marching band? Kind of. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. He was into marching bands. Yeah. He was in a drum and bugle corps. And it wasn't military. It was just called the drum and bugle corps. And you can, like, be in it.
He was in it. And it's like a hobby. Okay. Okay. Well, I don't want to. I don't want to. I actually don't believe that it's weird because everybody's got their thing they're into. Different. You know, it's not. Maybe it isn't as popular as being into the San Diego Chargers. Right. But whatever. What I did think was a little weird, though, was the level of seriousness that he took it. And I'm getting somewhere there's a connection between this and Star Wars. But how serious he took it. He had a ring, like a Super Bowl ring, that he won from competing in Drum and Bugle Corps. And if anybody's listening and you know about Drum and Bugle Corps, tell us. But anyway, he won a ring. Now, I'm going to do the voice. I'm not making fun. I do voices, and so this is identical Bob. But he would say. When he talked, he would say, Mike, it's about the ring. That's it. So whether or not you're doing radio or whether or not you are working in the corporate world, it's about the ring. And he would show you his ring. He wore it. And he would hold his palm up and he'd show you the ring. Freaking great. Now, I believe that really he just wanted you to see that ring. It wasn't really about.
motivation in terms of anything. He just wanted you to see that ring. He was very, very, very proud of the ring. But he was also, he felt, a very dynamic speaker. And he was also a guy that would speak, that would think outside the box. Okay? And so one day he called a staff meeting. And we were all there. And he wasn't there. And we thought, now this is interesting. We know he's an outside-the-box type of thinker, but I don't get this. You call an all-staff meeting. It's snowing outside. People had to scrape their car windows to get here today. I don't know what kind of weird philosophy thing you're doing, but why would you have people with families drive down and be here if you're not going to be here? Well, he showed up. Port of the conference room opened. Dreamly elaborate.
Darth Vader outfit. He wasn't kidding. When I say he wasn't kidding, what I mean by that is this wasn't to be funny. This wasn't to add levity. What it was was to show all of us we were going to take over the universe in the same way that Darth Vader had approached it. Darth Vader didn't win, though. That's... a point that we all made as soon as the most bizarre business meeting we'd ever been in was over. You think we talked about it? You think we all went to our offices and discussed? Started writing bits immediately. Dude, to this day, it lives on as one of the strangest things I've ever seen in my life. Because when he first walked in, obviously everybody laughed because they thought, oh, how cool, how funny, blah, blah, blah. And he goes,
It isn't funny. So he wasn't doing the. No, no, no. He said through the mask. It isn't funny. And then it was like. Everybody got quiet. Oh, my God. Yeah. And he started to talk to us about how Darth Vader actually had it right. Oh, man. There are. I mean, sometimes there's just not words. I can't. Don't say anything. I'm speechless. Sometimes there's just no words. He's a bad guy. It's called the dark side. The evil empire. And it doesn't prevail. It doesn't prevail. But what he wanted us to know was that we were going to take the attitude as a company that we were going to defeat everyone. And he did it in a Darth Vader costume. And when it was over, by the way, we all did.
You have no choice. And he said, and I quote, you're dismissed. How do you think Woods would have been in that meeting? Greetings, he would have said. I would have lost my mind. You should have come dressed as Luke Skywalker the next day. I would have lost my mind. Oh, we got somebody that knows what the Drum and Bugle Corps is. M1 Kevin from San Diego, you there? Yeah, Mikey, what's up? So you did Drum and Bugle Corps, right? 30 years. And it's real serious, right? It's the closest. When I tell people what I want to describe it, is I tell people it's the closest thing that there is to professional marketing man. Professional. Professional, meaning not amateur. Meaning not amateur. You are no amateur. You are no novice. When you're in the drum and pupil core, you ain't just getting started, okay? You've been at it for a while. Not only you've been at it for a while, you're a professional.
Correct? Not really. Semi-pro. Semi-pro. Do you get paid? No, you have to pay to do it. It's the closest thing to being professional. Semi-pro. Semi-pro. And blow and blow. Now, let me ask you this. All right. Because I don't remember, but the ring, big deal, right? Yeah, there is actually a world championship ring. He won it. I did not, no. Yeah, you didn't, but he, and let me tell you. He'd know you five minutes before you knew he won. And he'd show you the ring. The ring. Now, is it real hard, I'm guessing, to win that? Yes. You have to travel. I'd have to travel up to probably the Bay Area. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. Oh, I'm sure he did. Oh, yeah. He did. And every conversation led to the drum and bugle corps.
It didn't matter if it was about phones that were out in the building. It didn't matter if it was about being snowed in. It's a safety hazard. You rise above it, just like you do in Drum and Bugle Corps. Surely he couldn't relate a personal tragedy back to the Drum and Bugle Corps. Oh, he certainly could. Oh, he certainly could. He could take any... All things sort of did an orbit around the drum and bugle corps. And he had an affinity for Darth Vader. So much so that he dressed as him and gave us a no less than 45 minute speech. Wow. Through a mask. Through a plastic black mask. Very elaborate. There was not...
There was no joking around. He gave the speech through the thing. Married? Yeah. Yeah. His missus, that morning, when he was getting his gear on, what's going through her head? My guess is that that ain't your first rodeo. She was probably a baton twirler. Probably. She was probably helping him get ready. She's like, babe, this is freaking brilliant. This is brilliant. Bob, you've had some good ideas. Okay, this is upper echelon. This is in a different category. This is Lee Iacocca managing. I wonder if she dressed in, like, the Princess Leia bikini and chained herself to the bed just to, like, help him get into the character. So, let's see. We got M1 Castile from San Diego. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. What were you going to tell us? That's about the German Bule Corps. My son, he does that stuff.
And it's kind of like Woods' professional baseball team. Semi-pro. Semi-pro. Semi-pro. Excuse me, Woods. We have to pay them. I don't. I don't pay. Well, you started out paying, but then the team got sponsored. But I don't pay anything. You don't, but everybody else in the league does. Well, not on my team. Right. And there's a lot of teams that don't pay. Anyway, Castile, so how old is your son? My son's 15. What makes you... What... makes, in order to win the ring, the world championship of Drum and Bugle Corps. It is serious. They travel, let's see, we have people competing from Chicago, St. Louis, around the world, around the United States, and it's very serious. But I mean, like, okay, listen, if somebody said...
That somebody, why, what's going on? Are you wanting me to change the subject? No. Is it not that? No, I'm freaking fascinated. Okay. Okay. My question. Yeah. Is that if we were talking about, say, gymnastics, I'd say, well, the reason that was great is she did four flips in the air and came down and stuck that landing and landed right on her feet and didn't move. Perfect type. Perfect. So if you're in the drum and bugle corps. What makes you go to the world championship? How do you win? What's the criteria? Yeah, like what makes it, what's good from bad? You have to watch it to see it because when they perform and they move and everyone is doing the same thing at the same time, it looks awesome. It's got to be in sync. Okay, so they're in sync. It's got to be in sync, yeah. And you got to probably, whatever you're playing probably has to be legit. Only drums and bugles? All on cue? Yeah, drum and bugle. No clarinets, no flutes, just... Just drums and bugle, because that would be ridiculous. Like snare drums, bass drum, the four of them, what they call the tenors. They have a cymbal? They have cymbals, yeah. Is it like the movie with Nick Cannon? Yes, just like that, but without... That's high school and college, man. Drum and bugle corps is just what it is, bugle. Like I said, the trumpet, the trombone. Oh, the brass horns. That's it. Just the brass section and the drum section. Is it pretty rad to see, like...
Oh, to see it is awesome. Me and my wife were like, what is this? What's he doing? And I was like, all right, dude, you want to do it? Okay. They take it dead serious. We are official drum and bugle corps parents. Now, when he goes to practice, is there like a coach there like, are you freaking kidding me? Johnson, you get your ass together or you are out. It reminds me of me playing football. I'm like, okay, he's going to be doing this or whatever. And then I'm watching, I'm going, man, these guys, they sweat and they practice. They're just marching in 100 degree weather. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I do think that it was cool. Yeah, I mean, no doubt about it. The thing that was a little unsettling at times was the just... Sometimes the passion was a little much. Like if Derek Jeter walked in, Mike, and held up his World Series ring and he goes, it's about the ring. It's about the ring. That would make a little more sense. To me, at least. I'm like, drums, you want to do this? You know, kids are going to pick on you. You're not going to get no girls. Not going to get no girls. No, they get girls. You're the drummer?
That's fair enough. Yeah, we got groupies. Tommy Lee did it. It means you have rhythm, which means... Hey, thanks for the call, dude. Thank you. We appreciate it. Thank you very much. Brilliant. The ring, Mike. It's about the ring. It's about the ring. When we come back, I'm going to play you a viral YouTube video of an older couple trying to figure out a webcam. It's phenomenal. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell him the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Shut up. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9.
Hey there, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Besides the two sold-out FM 94.9 Pony Bear shows this weekend, Reverend Horton Heat plays 4th and B on Saturday night. Switchfoot will play at Petco Park Sunday after the Padres-Diamondbacks game. Also Sunday night, though. Thievery Corporation have rescheduled their blackout show. They were supposed to play on the night of the blackout at House of Blues, the 21 and up show. They have now rescheduled the show to this Sunday, the 18th, still at House of Blues. Take your original ticket there, and it will be honored. TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys are at the open air on the 24th. Bush plays 4th and B on the 27th. Portugal demands it house the blues on the 30th. And that same night, you can see Peter, Bjorn, and John at the belly app. And still to come, Blitz and Trapper with Dawes. And about the music show with the pains of being pure at heart. Ryan Adams, Cut Copy, The Naked and Famous, Colts, Boxer Rebellion.
City in Color with Hacienda, Black Joe Lewis and the Honey Bears, Company of Thieves, Morrissey, and Peter Murphy with She Wants Revenge. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. I do love me some AT&T high-speed internet. And you want to get this stuff at home. It's very fast. But aside from being extraordinarily fast, it's also very reasonable. So you get to choose this access from AT&T's entire national Wi-Fi hotspot network. No extra cost for that. Over 24,000 hotspots nationwide. So you're staying connected even on the go. It's all the speed you need. It's a great price. But here's the beauty. That great price? $14.95 a month. $15? That's for a year. I mean, it's $15 a month. 12-month guarantee. You're locked in. If that's interesting to you, 877-only-ATT or you can go online, att.com slash possible.
Price for three meg service, $10 per 50 gigabytes for DSL usage over 150 gigabytes a month. Local access line required. After 12 months, standard internet rates apply. Offer expires November 5th, 2011. The Padres' schedule is winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded pennant race coverage and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego as the Padres host their series with the D-backs, 6.30 Friday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres' uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then...
There's my show, but it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4, San Diego. Live from Progressive. Flo here. With more discounts than ever before, Progressive can save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Savings. Oh, you can get bigger savings than that. Savings. That's close, but you can really save a lot of money. You're going to get some savings. Much better. Discounts for safe driving, owning a home, and more. Now that's Progressive. Call or click today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Discounts not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Let's take another call. Hey, Flo. Ever wonder if you offer too many discounts? Never. Homeowners, safe driver, snapshot, pay in full. Right now, we offer more discounts than ever. Doesn't that seem a bit excessive? Wait. Is this Bill and Tom from another insurance company? Hang up. Hang up. Busted.
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Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. What does it do, Jay? It makes it 3D. I wanted one of those avatars to be like, and like beat my face and go. Woods. If 16-year-old girls are in on something, I'm out on it. Lauren. I'm very aggressive when it comes to lines. And Jay. If you want any, you'll be nice to me. Yes, ma'am. On FM 94.9. I'm. Sorry. Are you? Is that because I was eating breakfast? Yep. If I see a crack, I'm going to take it. He's on one. I think we're all on one today. He's literally on one. What do you mean we all are? You're proclaiming that there's weirdness and stuff. Not weirdness. Everybody's fired up today. That's a good thing. I don't feel fired up.
You were just screaming about the schedule. Earlier, Woodsy was like, everybody's being weird. I was like, we are? You guys stop freaking out. I was freaking out because you guys were putting Denny's over the show. Well, that's true. How? Because we were ordering our breakfast and she was trying to do the schedule. And all we were worried about is what we wanted. Cheesy McGriddle. Gotta eat. I know, but I have to, before I go do my business, I got to get you a new... We don't want you wasting away in there. We'll make sure you're okay. Everyone has a right to eat. You silly sausage. You're welcome. Jay got Denny's today, right? I bought it for him. Two breakfasts? I couldn't eat the other one, you crazy fat pig. At least we haven't had two breakfasts. I didn't either. Second breakfast. King size meal. Big time. What's a meal? Same size as yours. What's a king size meal? Like a really big? Like an apple meal. Or maybe a cider meal? Like a paper meal? But it's a really big one. Alright, this is an older couple trying to figure out how to use a webcam. Ironic.
A little too ironic. A little too ironic, isn't it? I apologize. I told you we're all on one. Technical difficulties. What do you mean? What do you mean? I told you we're all on one. What is that? What do you mean? It does. What is he talking about? I don't know. He doesn't know. God, you're so on one, man. I think he's dipping into my Tussin. That's perverted. Are you smoking it? It isn't working. Sorry. You're on one, though. Just stop. Now he's just picking at you. He's trying to spit you out. No, I'm not. I love my friend Mike. He's my good friend. Put the barrier up. That's my good friend. What'd you do to it? Idiot. Maybe it's broke because you broke it. But I didn't do anything. Did you sit on it? No, I just sat. I bet you sat on it. You sat on it. I pressed play. First of all, is it plugged in, moron? Yes. Idiot. Maybe you shouldn't touch it. But I have to. I'm trying to play. Did you touch it with your fat fingers? No. Like Mexican sausages over there. What do you call it? Chorizo? Disgusting. No. All right, let's try again. It's not working.
You connected to the internet? Yes. You got to reconnect. What? I had to reconnect. Did you plug in? I had to reconnect. Have you plugged in? You did? You had to reconnect? I did. I was on the other thing. I wasn't on our MacMonkey bit. You had to reset. I reset it. You did? I have not. But I had to reconnect to mine. I was on the wrong network. I'm not using the wireless. No, wireless. Wireless. Don't look at me like that. I'm looking at you. I'm trying to help you, dude. I'm not on the wireless network. I'm just trying to troubleshoot. I'm a problem solver. We're going to reset it. I'm an idea guy. All right? All right. Here it goes. We're resetting. Chris is doing a reset for us. I'm going to play you the old couple that are trying to figure out the webcam. I'm also going to play you the clip of Pauline Potter, who is the world's heaviest woman. Describe why she wants to be the world's heaviest woman.
It takes a while after you reset it, though, right? Does it take a moment? I believe it does. Yeah. Here we go. What does it say here? Take a photo snapshot, okay? And you can email these to selected media. But why can't, why won't I take a picture? Take a photo. Oh, dear. Pardon me. I did it before by accident. I just want to point out, well, all the things I love about it. One of my favorite things so far is that he's probably been married to this lovely woman for no less than 40-some years and barely burped and said, quote, pardon me. You're like me. You do more things by accident than most people do on purpose. I don't know how to do it. I mean, I just learned too many things. She tried to teach me so much. Morning. You must stop recording.
Before trying to close. I don't know what I'm recording. Shucks. Shucks. How sweet are they? Shucks. Chances they have a bowl of hard candy right when you walk in their house. Yeah. It constantly smells like baked goods in their house. And if you want caramels, they've got caramels. She's got a big old bosom. You just give her a hug. Give her a big hug. A sweater. And you smell that. Old perfume. I mean, perfume that has been around for 40 years. She hasn't changed the brand. It's Rose. It smells like roses. At one point, smelling like a rose was sexy. Back in the Mae West days. Always dress to the nines, even if they're not going anywhere. Well, I'll dress to the nines like... 80-year-olds dressed in orthopedic shoes. Well, dressed from clothes from 1939. Right, dressed to the 89s. More like it. What does it say here? Take a photo snapshot, okay? And you can email these to selected media. But why can't, why won't I take a picture? Take photos. Oh, dear. Pardon me. Or by accident. You're like me. You do more things by accident than most people do on purpose. I don't know how to do it.
I mean, I just learned too many things, you know. She tried to teach me so much. Ah, warning. You must stop recording before trying to close. I don't know what I'm recording. Shucks. Isn't it great? It's great. So in the video, is the webcam on them as they're trying to figure it out? Yeah. They're trying to figure out how to use it. That's the best. And it's working. It reminds me of that movie. What is it? Up? The balloon one? With the kid? Yeah. I don't watch cartoons. Yeah, I don't watch cartoons. Oh, it's so sweet. Oh, it's the best movie. No, I heard it's emotional terrorism. It is. But it's a love story. Pauline Potter, trying to become the world's heaviest woman. Anytime. I knew that I needed help to lose weight, and I wrote to Dr. Phil, Oprah, Dr. Oz, and nobody would hear me or respond. Wow. All right, strap yourself in, because I'm irritated. I have to ask myself.
Am I hurt? Am I sad? Am I fearful? Because that made me angry. I think I'm hurt. The reason I'm hurt is she's insulting my freaking intelligence. She's mad about being fat. And part of the reason she's mad is because she's written Dr. Phil, Oprah, and whoever else, and they're not helping. Oh, my God. It's their fault. So I decided to get in contact with Guinness Book of World Records, and I thought, okay, I'm already this size. I might as well take advantage of it. Wait, wait. I thought, Pauline, you're trying to lose weight. You wanted help. You wanted help. So then you decided that you're going to now take advantage of it and become fatter? Well, she couldn't become famous that way, so now she's going to try to become famous this way.
You got it. I agree. Shocking. Get my story out there. So I knew it'd be a little bit. Boom. Grading. I knew I'd get some negative feedback from it. But it was the risk that I wanted to take to get my story out there so that I could get some weight loss help. When I got my weight document. You just said you're trying to become the Guinness Book of World Records fattest person. The fame whore. So why are you now saying lose weight? You're not trying to lose weight. I was 643. That was back in, I think, February. And the last time I weighed, I was about 703. And that was a few months ago. But I've been trying to eat fruits and vegetables and stuff and make wiser choices. So I'm probably a little bit under 700 now. She was 703. She started eating fruits and vegetables. And now she's 700. Making wiser choices. It's like a car.
Well, it's like half of Mike and Wood. It's Mike and Wood together. And it's not like a car. Like a smart car. No. I don't know. L-O-B. A car weighs 4,000. Yeah. Well, it's a smart car. It's a go-kart. A go-kart. A go-kart. Give you that. A moped. Give you that. Speaking of which, you know the Razors, the scooters? Yeah. Razors? Luke rides it. That's cool. Dude, Jake couldn't do stuff like that until a few months ago. Now, granted, Jake is behind when it comes to gross motor skills, but that Lukey dude, he's riding a scooter. Wow. Dude. He's live. That kid is shredded. That is it. He's shredded. He's in training right now to be a Navy SEAL. Yeah. Wouldn't surprise me. Food fighters. For Foo Fighters. Now, here's how it works. If you want to win Foo Fighter tickets, what we're going to do is we need you to come in here tomorrow, right? Tomorrow's the day. Tomorrow is the day. We need five people. How many do we have, though, Jay? We have one. Okay, so cool. That's actually kind of cool. So today, we can qualify four people. If you can come in tomorrow and you can compete, give us a call.
570-1949. What we're going to do is we're going to put different CDs in the bottom of each pie, and then you've got to eat your way down to the bottom of the pie, and one of you is going to have a Foo Fighters CD, and that person's going to win tickets to the show. Radical. Very nice. Foo Fighters, people. So call us right now if you're able to come into the studio tomorrow and compete. It's that easy. Pat Robertson said... Just kidding. I didn't even know who he was when I got the story. He's a clown. He's a clown. Pat Robertson is... Well, first of all, he was a Republican presidential candidate at one time. And he is also the host of the 700 Club, which is a... Christian, you know, TV show or whatever. But King Clown said the following. He said that viewers that are divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's are justifiable because the disease is, quote, a kind of death. Holy cow. So, basically, he was doing this, I guess he does this thing on the show.
where they take questions from viewers. And some guy called in and said he's looking for advice for a friend who started seeing another woman after his wife started suffering from Alzheimer's. It's incurable, by the way. My mother has Alzheimer's. And Pat Robertson said, I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start... All over again. But make sure he has custodial care and somebody looking after her. Oh, well, that's sweet, Pat. That's actually, that's a really nice thought. In other words, you know, just make sure somebody babysits her before you start. Yeah. What? Oh, doing the deed. Right. In sickness and in health. What a deed. Well, thank you, Ella B. I mean, if your wife got cancer.
It's the same thing. But she at least still knows you. She at least still knows you. Bro, not all the time, my friend. Not all the time. I'm going to say this. There's parts of that I agree with. Oh, my God. Jay. Your mom. My mom. Right. They got Alzheimer's. My mom, at some point, they lose total concept of who you are. You can no longer take care of them. So they go into a care facility. Yeah. You go in. They're like, hey, who are you, nice boy? I know. So you're telling me that this guy, he's got nobody to talk to. Well, let me ask you, man. I mean, it's not the same thing when I read it. I mean, what the hell does in sickness and in health mean? What does that mean? I mean, it means like we get to pick and choose. I would never divorce my wife if she went into a care facility. Like she didn't know me or no. But let's say it's the other way around. I go. I get it, which is probably going to happen sooner than later. I'm in a facility.
I don't want Kim just to come. She doesn't even need to come visit me anymore. If I don't recognize her, it's going to kill her. You know what? I think that that's a nice thing. It may be SG&T. It sounds good. It sounds noble. It sounds good, not true. It sounds noble. It sounds noble. It sounds like you're taking one for the team, but in reality, man, it's, you know. I would want her to find somebody to talk to. I would, too, after I died. Well, you get a friend. Okay, you could go on for years and years and years. So there she is, living in a house by herself. That's my wife, but you know what? I want better things for her. Don't divorce me. Have a life. She can have a support network outside of divorcing me, though. No, I don't want her to divorce me. But if there's somebody else she meets that she wants to go to lunch with, wants to go to dinner with. She wants to make sex, too. And if she wants to make sex, go ahead. Hey, dude, but Pat Robertson is saying if your spouse has Alzheimer's, it's okay to divorce them. Just make sure that they're in some place where somebody's watching them. I just say get some on the side.
It's all about sex. Well, I mean, no. It just always comes back. You turned it in, too. It is. It's selfish. It's so selfish. It's not selfish. I have to satisfy my physical needs for sex. It's not up to say even emotional needs, too. Just treat yourself. Emotional needs? Get friends. Join clubs. That's what I'm saying. But what if there's a guy that's a friend? Have him as a friend. Okay. Keep boundaries. You're married. So for 10 years? You're saying, Jay, that... That goes on for 10 years. If Kim got... If Kim... Got Alzheimer's disease. Right. Are you telling me that you wouldn't divorce her, but you'd start getting strange? I'm not saying that. I'm not saying, but I'm saying the other way around. Are you not saying that because Kim's listening right now? No, no. I'm just saying I don't know what the situation would be, but if it was the other way around, I wouldn't want her waiting around just coming to see me. You wouldn't mind her going out and getting some? I wouldn't know about it. I would have a clue. It doesn't make it right. Well, what if she did it now and you didn't know about it? You wouldn't like it? Yeah. And it doesn't make it right just because you don't know. Didn't you guys see the notebook? It's the same thing. You said forever. Remember when you made fun of me for not being married and you said there's no positives to not being married and you were going to be with someone forever? Forever doesn't mean until that person isn't fun for you anymore or can't give you sex. They can give you sex. They just don't know. They just don't know who you are. That's hitties.
That's hideous. It's like getting strange. To them? Yeah. This is weird. I got to tell you this. It is impossible. It's hard for me to go see my mom now. I understand. I get it. I go in there and sometimes she knows me, sometimes she doesn't know me. Hey, bro. It kills me. Now, is your dad still around? My dad died in 2002. Okay. Now, but if he was, I bet you he'd be with her. I bet you he wouldn't leave her side. Wouldn't you want him to be his son? And wouldn't you want him to be, man? No. You wouldn't want him to dump your mom? No, I'm not saying dump. But if he goes out and has a relationship of some sort, if he builds a bond with someone, I wouldn't want my dad to be alone either. No, dude, I, listen. What a touchy soul. It is sickness and in health. And what I thought was really irresponsible is that this dude is a professing Christian.
With a show. With a TV show where he affects a lot of people. And he's saying, hey, it's okay to get a divorce. It's not okay to get a divorce unless somebody cheats. In my mind, and this sounds horrible, my mom is dead. And that's what he's saying. My mom is dead. Pat Robertson says that it's a kind of death. But you know what? Your mom is not dead. She may not be there. She may not be there upstairs. But that doesn't mean that she's dead. And if your dad were still around and he took an oath and a vow that said that he would stay by her in sickness and health, you got to. Yeah. You do. By her, what does that even mean? When she can't stay at your house any longer? No, you're going to visit her. Every single day you're going to go to the thing and visit her. Hey, bro. Joe DiMaggio. Hang out with some lady who doesn't know you. Do you know that Joe DiMaggio, every single day until he died. Joe DiMaggio, every day, visited Marilyn Monroe's grave and left flowers. Every single day. That's love. Every day. That's love. That's love. And, you know, it was so funny because the other day, Rebecca and I, we had it out about something. I don't remember what it was. But, you know, like right afterwards, I said,
As much as you irritate me, I couldn't live without you. And she was just as mad and she goes, yeah, ditto. And she's, you know, and it's true. I threw the remote last night in a fight. That was what it sounded like. Yeah, it sounded just like that. I threw the remote and I tried to go to bed and Jamie walked back in the room after taking a breather and she goes, dear, I love you with my whole heart and I don't want to fight. And I was like, all right. Me too. That's so sweet, dude. Yeah, I know. It's freaking rad. That's so rad. I'll tell you what. If it was me laying in that bed, that girl would be there every single day. With a pillow over your face. What's a pillow? Mikey Show. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. 570-1949. Or text them. 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up. If you like exciting low prices on groceries, the Vons Circular is fresh off the presses with some of the hottest deals in town. It's your guide to fantastic Vons Club specials at Vons, plus amazing deals for this weekend only. So plan for the weekend and the week ahead. To give you an idea of the kind of deals we're talking about, check out these outstanding Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Beef Top Sirloin Steak is only $2.99 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Sweet red, green, or black seedless grapes are $0.88 a pound.
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This report is brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. Well, it looks like a little bit of a backup here on the 15 northbound at Adams Avenue due to an accident that's over on the right shoulder. 78 westbound before the 5, there's a disabled car. It's got the second lane from the left blocked. And as you travel through Bonita, the 805 north. This report also brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Wawanisa Insurance, better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage. For your auto home or your condo, call 877-Wawanisa or go to wawanisaus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. San Diego, a Lincoln financial media station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Uh, I can't do anything. I can't do anything handy at all. Lauren. I wash my hands like a thousand times when I cook. Woods. I don't like to be tickled because I squeal like a little girl. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Just because something's okay doesn't mean that you should do it. Just because it's legal doesn't mean that you should do it. Here's an example about this mom and her son.
Needs a kidney. So she decides that she is going to donate her kidney to her son to keep him alive. So she does. And when she came back, her boss fired her, taking time off. Good move. Well, here's the deal. Her mom had died and her dad was diagnosed with leukemia. And so she'd already taken a bunch of time off. Then her son needed a kidney transplant. And the boss was like, hey, listen, man. You just going to be taking time off all the time? Oh, my God. Now, she had signed a leave of absence agreement where it does acknowledge that her job was no guarantee. She just didn't think that he would have the heart to fire her because she was in the hospital giving her kidney to her son. But he did. Spokesman for that dude doesn't want to say anything. I read an update to that story this morning. What is it?
They have hired her back at full salary. Actually, she's on a leave until another spot opens up for her, and they are paying her. Well, yeah, because of what? Public opinion. Yeah, people are like, you're a monster. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? This was an interesting story. So Chad Ochocinco, wide receiver for the New England Patriots, tweeted the other day, weird. He said, just waking up after a late arrival, I've never seen a machine operate like that in person. To see video game numbers put up in person was wow. Obviously talking about Tom Brady throwing for 517 yards. He plays with Tom Brady. He's a wide receiver. He had one catch for 14 yards. So Teddy Bruschi, who used to play for the Patriots, who was a badass, goes on sports radio and says, listen, dude, drop the awe factor, okay? Stop tweeting and get in your playbook. and dropped the hammer on Ochocinco, as I think he had every right to do. He's been a little bit of a superstar instead of a football player. Yeah, that guy's kind of about the limelight. Also, a sad story, Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher left the team, probably will not be playing this weekend. The sudden death of his mother has forced him to go home to return with his family in Texas. It's always, you know, when guys have jobs like that, it's tough. And something tragic happens, and then,
You got to go play football. Oh, it's just. We have a similar deal. Our job is similar in that regard. I think, you know, I mean, there's been things that have happened to me that I'm like, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It's part of the reason that I think that the depression did happen with me is because so many weird things that happened. Right. And you come in here and you got to, you know, you still have to do this. Yeah, I mean, I've heard radio hosts before say, well, if my mom or dad passed away during the show, I'd have to finish the show. And it's like, wow, it's crazy. Yeah, it's true. It's crazy. Yeah. The only thing that would make me leave in the middle of a show is if something happened to my wife or my kids. Right. Wife or family, yeah. Wife or kids, yeah. Wife or kids. Otherwise, you've got to battle through it. Yeah. What if your mom or dad was... in a bad car wreck. You'd leave. They're here. Yours are here. No? If they were... Look, it's serious. Your mom was in a crash and we're not sure she's going to make it. You'd have to. I'd make you. You'd leave. You'd have to. You'd have to. Listen, he's putting me in guilt position. I would quit if you didn't leave. Because you're a monster at that point. Well, I disagree. No? I disagree. Hey, listen. My wife or my kids are in a bad car accident. Sorry. Run best of. I'm out of here. Yeah. Well, yeah. Okay?
Now, if it's any other situation, when that clock hits 10 o'clock, I'm out the door and I might get a speeding ticket. But, you know, you trudge on. Yeah. You know, that's just ingrained. I mean, it's ingrained. That's the deal. That's what we do. That's just part of the job. But, by the way, I say that and I would not have a problem if you guys did it. You know, not at all. I would not have a problem if you guys did that. I know Woods has talked about his dogs, you know, and sometimes, you know. You're going to go there, Ryan? Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying that, you know. No, no. One time, you know, your dog had an earache and you had to take him and you took a, I think you were thinking about taking the day off. But you did it. No, no. I wanted to bring him in here. That's right. You wanted to bring him in here to the workplace. Right. Because he's a sick. But instead, you went to Milton's and had some food afterwards. No, I went home, checked on him. Then Mike and I went to Chipotle. So let's get our story straight. Yeah, so why don't we just get that. Let's not just say stuff straight. But he was home alone. Right, and I went and checked on him. He was fine. It wasn't Macaulay Culkin, so. He was all good. Vomiting had stopped. Right. From LOB's recap. She says, last night, her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, came over. They watched the movie Hannah.
Now, I've seen previews of this. Yep. She says it's like Kill Bill. Okay? Really awesome. It's like Kill Bill. Woods doesn't know what that means because he's never seen Kill Bill. Right. Well, you've never seen Christmas Vacation, so touche. Well, I started to. Right. And didn't care for it because it's 2011. But hey, listen, if I can get the DeLorean up to 88, somehow make it back to 1981. Uma Thurman with a samurai sword. Cool. Okay. Point taken. So she loved the music, she said. And this young girl, Hannah, is a badass. And she's like karate and all the whole bit. Well, after the movie, LLB started to play fight with Matt. And at some point, he thought they were done. Apparently she didn't get the memo and thought they were not done.
And they were still fighting, play fighting. And so she decided that she was going to do a spin around, whack face thing. With the hand? Yeah. Spin around, whack, right in the face. And got him in the face and in the head, actually. She could tell that he was completely unprepared. And she, in her words, really clocked him. Oh my God. I feel bad about it. You hit me as hard as you can. He told her that she really rung his bell. Oh my God. And he had to take something for the headache so that he could sleep. Oh my gosh. She is a tornado. Yeah, she's the tornado. She's tornadic. I lay in bed and watch TV. You're the tornado. She watches a movie and she decides she's going to karate chop her boyfriend.
If he's listening, you should call in. I was like, I was going, hi! Afterwards, and he goes, I knew when I got this movie that you were going to be all, like, action hero on me. I thought we were done. Like, I thought we were still in it. And so he came behind me to, like, say, like, goodnight and give me a hug. And I went, wah! And flew my arm. Swack! Bam. That's exactly what he did. He jumped back and his eyes, there was no kidding in his face. His face was like, oh. Well, no, he just got assaulted. He got bigger. I would have been mad. Of course. I thought, I was like, oh my gosh, if the roles were reversed, I would have flipped. Oh my gosh. I gave him a fat lip. Can you imagine if he, if she came to give him a good night hug and he smacked her? It'd be a 911 call. We'd be hearing it today on the air. He said he was proud of me, though, because he said, well, now I know that you can take care of yourself in a fight. Yeah. Holy cow. You know, as long as the assailant was trying to give you a good night hug. Well, that's what I said. I said, well, babe, you weren't trying, though. And he goes, well, I meant if you were up against a girl. I was like, oh, okay. Chances L.O.B.'s done the crane from the crutch kid in her living room. Oh, I was doing the kicks last. I was going like this to him. Oh, wow.
Came really close one time to his face. I bet he loved it. You guys do that in your home? No! You don't? We do. I do the kicks to the butt. I do three quick kicks to the butt. I go pop, pop, pop like that. It's good if you're walking side by side and you just get the person. All the time. Is Jamie love it or hate it? I don't know. She doesn't call the cops or anything. I don't know. She'll go, dear. Which is what she does for anything I do, so. How about you, Jay? Yes, we absolutely play the. Nude Earl wrestling. Yeah. That's what we do. What's Earl wrestling? Earl, you put it in your car. Oh, got it. I'll get an Earl change. Yeah. I'm not playing your game. Jay, you guys do the karate stuff together? We do the karate stuff and we'll wrestle. You guys should watch Hannah then. It'll really get you in the mood. None of that at your home. No play fighting. I always play police dog.
Police dog, I get down on all fours, and I go, and I'll chew on her neck. What? Police dog, you know. I'm like the German Shepherd. And now she's, like, laying there, and I'm like, she'll play dead. I'll come over, and I'll, like, play dead. Wait, wait. Kim will play dead. Yeah. Otherwise, the police dog attacks. First of all, there are people in the studio right now. Everyone's stunned. And I'm not kidding. You don't play police dog? No. In fact, I don't even think that police dogs play police dog in their spare time. I also play Sleeping Giant. Look it, L.O.B. is police dogging woods. Yeah, gotta be careful. I'm sorry, Jamie. Sleeping Giant, I will fall asleep. I'll fall asleep like I'm on time. I'll be fake snoring. I do it with the kids, too. Snoring, and then if they move, sleeping giant's awake.
I did that with kids when I babysat. Let's go back to the police dog. Wait, you do that with Kim, too? Yeah, I do it with Kim, too. Sleeping Giant. Because Sleeping Giant falls asleep on you. You can't move. But if you move... Lay on her? Yeah, lay on top of her. I know Sleeping Giant. Yeah. I'm more... Do you wear a collar? No. Are you sure? He doesn't wear anything. He plays nude. What's he call it? Are you naked when you do that? Police dog? That was like a shock. He plays nude police dog. It's like, Mike, how the hell else do you play police dog? You play clothes police dog, you pervert? Yeah, he's like, what kind of sick weirdo plays police dog with clothes on? Jay plays nude police dog in his house. Is it foreplay? No. No. That would be weird, LLB. That'd be weird. Kim's moved to Nebraska. Oh, yeah. She's like... Maybe you don't tell all of our stuff on the radio. It's a test I'm talking. Oh, boy. Picture nude J. Don't get excited, everybody. Just salt and pepper it up real good. Just salt and pepper Serbian just going over to attack like a police dog. Hey, little lady. You right? Bites you right on the neck usually. Usually? Yeah, you know.
Imagine if, God forbid, Liberty walked into the room. Her dad's white butt up in the air. He's on all fours. She'd be in therapy. What'd you do? She kicks him. Leave her alone. He's a werewolf. Jay. Nude police. How did we not hear about this? Mmm. Mmm. Like he's crawling around the city. Easy, boy. Easy. Uh-oh. Easy. He grabs her leg. So crazy. He starts holding her leg. Does the lipstick come out? It's always out. L-O-B! What I meant, like, do they role play with, like, lipstick and necklaces? She's still spinning up hairballs. Oh, there goes Mike.
You asked for it? Police? I didn't, quote, ask for it. Nude police dog. Gosh darn, I know stuff about Jay. You know stuff more than me. Oh, yeah, I've seen stuff. Yeah. What? Hey, Jay, can you get my wife Rebecca on the line? Sure. I'd like to ask her why we don't play police dogs. Or karate. You should be doing some karate at that point. It's fun. M1 Chris is on the line from Oceanside. Hey, what's up, you guys? What's going on? I'm a German shepherd, Kim. I'm a German shepherd. Oh, my God. Who owns the police dog? Crooked Sheriff? Oh, probably. Who feeds that? That's right. Crooked Sheriff does. I'm a German shepherd. No. Feed me. Thank you, Chris. Thank you. Thank you very much. M1 Anonymous from San Diego. Good morning, Mikey Show. Hi. Hey, Jay, I love you. Thanks, man. Not as much as L.O.B., but I love you. But, man, there are some really good therapists out there for you. Yeah, seriously. I mean, this is disturbing, guys. Yeah, it's good. I think you ought to quit while you're ahead, bro. Thank you. My wife, Rebecca, is on the line. Hi, hon. Hi, sweetie. Hey, how come we don't play police talk? What? You weren't listening? No, I was just taking Jake into school. Got it. Okay. Jay. What?
Jay, with Kim, gets nude. They in-laws are in town this week, by the way. Oh, boy. They already love you. Yeah, they hate you anyway. Jay gets nude, babe, and pretends to be... Not all the time. And pretends to be a police dog, and Kim pretends to play dead. Otherwise, the police dog attacks. Otherwise... Otherwise. Otherwise, the police dog attacks. So if she accidentally moves a little bit, nude police dog attacks. Could be clothed police dog. Clothed when the in-laws are in town. Yeah. Nude when they're not. Right. Just depends. Oh, no. Yeah, oh, no. Yeah, oh, no. I'm not, I mean, what, how do you, hmm. Are you averse to it, Rebecca? Be more like police bear in your case. Did Rebecca's laugh get you a little money? A little bit. A little bit. Laughing at the ridiculousness of this whole entire phone call. Hey, Rebecca. For you, it would be like police Tyrannosaurus Rex. Little arms, big body. Police whale. You ever heard of one of these? I'm still stunned. I'm stunned. I know. So, other husbands called their wives.
And, you know, say, oh, you know, at work today we had... Staff meeting. Staff meeting. Yeah, staff meeting. And, you know, we have a board meeting tomorrow. Not us. And the portfolios are looking really good. And I get, why don't we play naked police talk? Because Jay does. It's a valid point. It's a valid point. That's right. You know what? We're finding out, though. Everybody here on the Mikey Show, they all play some form of grab-ay. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like Woods, we just found out, does this thing where he kicks Jamie in the butt three times. Triple kick. What? Yeah, all the time. Not hard. Not hard. Can I demonstrate on you a little bit? I'll show you real quick. I do it, too. I do it. This is almost every day. Get on this side, and she'll be standing there, and I'll go. There's no way you can miss that. Oh, wow, Jay. That was really... That was unnecessary. That didn't hurt, did it? Do you think Jamie's okay? Yeah, she goes, there! No, no, no, no. I mean, is she okay with you just slapping L.O.B.'s butt with your naked foot? It wasn't my wiener, it was my foot. She doesn't care. Oh, it wasn't?
Alright, darling. Oh, wow, this is weird. It's been a weird day, Rebecca. What do you mean weird? Thank you, babe. It's been a weird one. Sometimes we always know, Matt and I always know when our romp session has gone too long because it'll start to turn violent. And it means we've suffocated each other. Romping is where we just kind of like, we'll cuddle in one position and then like flip over to another one and whatever. Oh, that's right. Romping. We call it romping. And we always say, all right, the romping's gone on too long because one of us will get violent and start like trying to fight the other one. Throw a little police dog in there is all I'm saying. I might try police dog. Yeah, you'll like it. Okay, well, you guys are weird. And, uh... Police dog. I don't think I've heard anything greater. I know, seriously. Listen, as long as I've known Jay, never knew that. That's right. Oh, man. Naked police dog. What, y'all? Got a prize? Do we have a prize we can give away? Absolutely. What do we got? We have a pair of passes to see Conan the Barbarian in 3D at any San Diego Ultra Stars Theater. All right, call us right now, 570-1949.
I'm going to give you a driver quiz. Let me give you a driver quiz, see how well you do. 570-1949. Let's make some noise. Studio audience. The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 940 at gmail.com. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. When you start with people who put healing at the center of their world, the rest falls into place. When those people choose life within a system that values good care over the almighty dollar, the rest comes naturally. And when that system frees those people from the burden of running a business, frees them to pursue a passion for improving lives, then it's only natural that the most passionate people line up with you. You nurture that passion, it flowers, it grows, it attracts the best of the best. Folks that answer to that higher calling, who at the end of the day can look into the mirror and say, today I made a difference. The rest, the drive to keep people healthy before they get sick.
A belief that good health means tending not just to the body, but the mind and spirit as well. Coordinating patients' information so they don't have to. All create a system that is so much greater than the sum of its parts. We are just that system, made of just those people. We are Kaiser Permanente, and we want you to thrive. Find out more at thrive.kp.org. Hey gang, it's your old pal Woodsy. You know, after you play naked police dog with your wife, you're going to be a little hungry. Yes. And so what I recommend is going to Denny's and trying the new Let's Get Cheesy menu. I was feeling in a good mood today. I bought my good friend Mike and my good friend Jay breakfast from Denny's. And we all had the cheesy breakfast sampler. What it is. It's cheddar smoked sausage. It's two eggs scrambled with cheddar cheese. Hash browns topped with melted shredded cheddar cheese. And I had toast. Mike had waffles. Jay had waffles. Eat your choice of bread, okay? Let's get cheesy menu at Denny's. It's available all day, every day, limited time only. And they're offering dishes starting at only $4.99. They've got everything, man. They've got a new patty melt they're doing that has macaroni and cheese on it, all right?
And if you're a value lover, there are options available on the Let's Get Cheesy menu. $2 strawberry pancake puppies sundae with cream cheese icing, $6 chicken cordon bleu melt, and the $8 chicken parm. Okay, get into Denny's. Try out the new Let's Get Cheesy menu. Mom, I want to be a pilot. Is it tough? It's not easy, but you could do it. Study hard, go to a good school, never skip your math homework. Piece of cake. Oh, yeah? But can you finish those carrots for your pilot's vision? I'd rather do my math homework. Thought so. There's a moment when an activity becomes an accomplishment, and when that moment comes for your child, you want to be ready. The Scholarshare Plan, California's official 529 plan, can help your kids reach their potential. It's a careful, consistently maintained college savings program, and your earnings are federal and California state income tax-free when used for qualified higher education expenses. For more information, visit Scholarshare.com or call 800-544-5248. To learn more about the Scholarshare College Savings Plan and its investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses, please contact Fidelity for a fact kit. Read it carefully. The Scholarshare College Savings Plan is offered by the Scholarshare Investments.
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Select files only while supplies last. Do you owe more than $10,000 to the IRS or to the state? Maybe you're being audited. Or perhaps you have unfiled tax returns like Stacy. I hadn't filed for four years. I was freaked out. I was afraid every day to go get my mail to see what was next. Stacey finally took the steps she needed with the tax helpline. The first time I called, I got very emotional. They immediately put me at ease. Instantly, that day, I just had this huge brick lifted off of myself. The tax helpline is headed by a former IRS agent with over 30 years' experience. They can get rid of wage garnishments, liens, and levies. They can lift the burden of uncertainty like they did for Stacey. The best part is I'm getting money back. About $11,000. I cried out of excitement. I just couldn't believe it. The Tax Helpline has an excellent rating with the Better Business Bureau. Get help. Call 1-800-850-7184. I couldn't be happier with the Tax Helpline. 800-850-7184. 1-800-850-7184. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act.
Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month, way less than those other guys, and an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zayo's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered XIO for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers. Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricut or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Get the BMW you've always wanted with a certified pre-owned BMW. Legendary performance, rigorously inspected, and standard with a protection plan for up to six years and 100,000 miles.
Visit sdcountybmw.com slash cpo for details. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts and the previews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. Make some noise, Mikey Show Live. All right, so there is a... There's an app out there, and it is called DriveSafe. Now, it works in, it doesn't matter what state you're in, you just pick the state, and it'll give you the rules for that particular state. And so, we'll do best out of five. And as you're listening, you get to play along, too. This will be especially good for you, Woods, because you're from Texas, and you'll see if there's any difference between Texas and California with this. M1 Sponger, are you there?
Yes, I am here. Okay. So I want you to get best out of five with this, okay? Sounds good. Best out of five. I'm going to give you a multiple choice, okay? How do seat belts and shoulder straps help a driver control the vehicle? A, they help you stay awake and alert. B, they prevent you from getting injured. That would be C. The answer is C. You are correct. All right. Your next question. You're getting ready to make a right turn. You should A. Stop first, then proceed when it's safe. B. Stop before entering the right lane and let all other traffic go first. Or C, slow down or stop if necessary and then make the turn. A. Sorry. The correct answer is C. The correct answer is C. Let's see. All right. Your next question. Perfect time for this thing to completely fail.
I guess you're a winner, aren't you? Congratulations. One and two ain't bad. No, I can give you another one. Okay, here we go. We were just kidding. No. A school bus ahead of you in your lane is stopped with red lights flashing. You should A, stop then proceed when you think all the children have exited the bus. B, Slow down to 25 miles per hour and pass cautiously. Or C, stop as long as the red lights are flashing. That would be C, Bob. You are correct. Well done. That was three out of five. You are now a winner. Was that right? Two out of three. Was it two out of three? Yeah. Two out of three. We're good with two out of three. All right. So he gets one more, right? Yeah. Okay. Maybe. Yeah, hopefully. Unless otherwise posted.
The speed limit in the residential area is A, 20 miles per hour, B, 25 miles per hour, or C, 30 miles per hour. That would be 25 miles an hour. You are correct. Yes, I was right. Well done, my friend. Thank you. Thank you very much. Handline. Woods. Yeah. It is illegal to park your vehicle, A, in an unmarked crosswalk, B, Within three feet of a private driveway. Or C. In a bike lane. C. The correct answer is A. Crosswalk. In an unmarked crosswalk. Not a real good parker. You're not? No. You know that. L.O.B.? Yes. Let's try you. Okay. California's basic speed law says you should never drive faster than posted speed limits. You should never drive faster. then is safe for current conditions, or C, the maximum speed limit in California is 70 miles per hour on certain freeways. I feel like I'll be above, but I'll go with B. You are correct. Marty. You're a good driver. Again, it's called Drive Safe, and it's kind of good because it'll help you brush up. So, question for you, Mike.
You downloaded this app. Yeah. Why? Because I knew I could do what I just did. Oh, okay. Yeah. I thought you were just curious. No. About driving stuff. Okay. No, I read what it was. And you read? Yeah. I was actually looking for an app that would help me to text so I could speak the text and send a text that way. Couldn't find anything. Not a lot of good ones out there. It's not. The Droid has a good one. Yeah. I will say that. Yeah, I heard that the Droid has one. It's fantastic. It's a good one. Do you use it, Jay? All the time. That's cool. How about this? This text says, My girlfriend posts an angry status on Facebook every time we get in a fight. Women ever just immature? Now, I'm going to take a guess here. It's one of those deals where it's like, I should have known. Well, that's about par for the course. That's about par for the course. And here we are again. Oh, God. I just ripped my soul out. When I was on instant messenger in college, you could leave the away message or even quotes as part of your profile. And I used to do that. Big player. Oh, yeah. What would you put? Things like that or like a quote from a song.
That I knew would get him. Why do girls? That's such a girl. That is a girl thing. Quote from a movie. Woods, do guys ever do that? I think I've done it one time. One time I did it. I was real mad. But otherwise, I don't air the family business. No. On a status update? Not anymore. When I was a kid. I don't air the, you know, you keep it in the family. Is that your bit? That's a bit. You don't gab to your girlfriends if I'm being a D, because you'd be gabbing a lot. Gab a little bit. A little bit's okay. Keep it like the mafia. Oh, boy. I'm sorry. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. I told you the other day that Anderson Cooper and Snooki went tanning together, and you get to actually hear the audio, what it sounded like. I love this guy. Since the Duke sex scandal. More from The Mikey Show coming up. In a respectful and sober manner. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, go, go. This is The Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes,
We've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking. Is that the 10? The 5? Touchdown! And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE. As you know, the economy is not in very good shape right now. You know, besides 2008, this is about as bad as it's been. Stock markets all over the place. News on the economy is really a mixed bag. The government debt rating's been downgraded. All of these things have happened. If you haven't called AIS to save money, now's the time. It's a very good time for you to be trying to save that dough. The average person saves $500 a year.
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To learn more about one of the most affordable online universities, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. September still means summer in Southern California. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties, and nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita and experience a taste so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% out. Two of San Diego's favorites are back, football and Hondas. Honda production is at full speed. The cars are rolling in, and your Honda dealers of San Diego County are getting ready for a big fourth quarter. So if you've been waiting to drive a new Honda, your wait is over. All nine Honda dealers have a nice selection of models, like Pilots, Accords, CRVs, and all-new 2012 Civics. They've got plenty of cars and plenty of deals. To find a Honda dealer nearest you, visit SDHondaDealers.com today. It's good to be back. Fall into cuteness at the Old Navy Baby Sale going on now. This is the final weekend for hundreds of items for babies, like graphics, denim, dresses, and more.
With sale prices as low as $5. And starting Thursday, KidStyles are on sale from $8. It's Old Navy's cutest sale ever for kids and baby. And it's going on this weekend, only at Old Navy. Select styles only. Hi, this is L.O.B. for Ovation Cell Therapy. A couple weeks ago, you may have heard me talk about the new Advanced Formula. I didn't really know what was new about it. I just knew the bottle said Advanced Formula and that it seemed that my hair was better than it was, but I really didn't know why. So I took to the Internet and I went to the OvationHair.com website and I started to read about what was different about it. They've removed all sulfates and parabens. Not only is that just good for everybody, but particularly for anyone that's had any sort of... color treatment or something like a Brazilian blowout. And I don't know if you remember I said that my hair was softer from the cream rinse. I really didn't know what they did. I just knew that it was...
like silky smooth. They've added five new moisturizers that are going to smooth and fortify your hair. It's 100% guaranteed. So if you give it a try, it's risk-free. They're going to give you 100% money-back guarantee. So go to OvationHair.com, enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. This is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's talk to Ronnie on line one. Jay Box, I'm about to drop some knowledge on your listeners. Drop away. All right, check this out. I drop a monster truck limo. Want to know why? Because that's your job? Nah, bro, because I go big or I go home. Boom! That's how I roll. Okay. Yeah, I got a 99-inch flat screen mounted on top of my shock aquarium. Know why? Because I go big or I go home. Yeah, well, I've got the perfect thing for you. My new jumbo breakfast platter. It's huge. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eight mini pancakes, and your choice of bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax. Aw, yeah. I'm going to get ten of those breakfast platters. Know why? Because Ronnie doesn't want to go home. True that. Because Ronnie lives with his parents. Yeah. Try Jack's new jumbo breakfast platter. It's scrambled eggs, hash browns, mini pancakes, plus bacon or sausage, all for just $2.99 plus tax.
Price and participation may vary. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month. Way less than those other guys. And an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zayo's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered XIO for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Limited time offers.
Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricut's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the sleek Android-powered Zio at Cricut Wireless for only $99.99. Plus nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit Cricut or MyCricut.com today. So smart, so Cricut. Frank's Red Hot Sauce with cayenne peppers. That's the perfect blend of flavor and heat all your favorite party foods. Like wings, burgers, ribs, dips, and more. Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I put that on everything. San Diego, a Lincoln financial radio station. This is The Mikey Show. All right. Let's start with Mikey. I don't trust anybody who has a P.O. box. Woods. It's against my will. Lauren. Pretty much every morning I think that somebody's going to jump out and kill me when I get into my car. And Jay. You know you're in trouble if you can't outrun your grandma. Yeah. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. There's some noise in here. It's Mikey. Our promotion director. Adam gave me the new Yo Gabba Gabba CD, and that's going to make some kids at my house real happy. It's got all the greatest hits on there. Don't Bite Your Friends. Right. I'm So Sorry. Is it I'm So I'm So Sorry? Mm-hmm. And you definitely don't want to miss Help Your Friends. Definitely. Lesson learned there. Yeah. That one's, you know, Woods.
Yes. Check that one out. I help my friends. Yes. Do you? It's a good one. Don't I? It's a good one. I help my friends all the time. It's a good song. Help overdose them. Well, you did give them Robitussin. Yeah, that is true. Tussin did me up real good. Yeah. But I would help you if you needed help. You knew. I may need help to the car. I will help you. I'll drive you home. You're going to have to. I will. Because you Tussin did. Well, I need to borrow a wetsuit from him anyway, so I'm going to be going right by there. You're going to borrow a wetsuit from him? Yeah, my buddy's coming in from Dallas today and is really excited about getting in the ocean. As long as you're not wearing it. To me, that's like borrowing underwear. You're going to acknowledge that he was just attacked for no reason. For no reason whatsoever. No, no. When he first moved here, he borrowed a wetsuit. And now that wetsuit is split. It was a 4-3 and I had to force him into it. Is that true? I had to take...
big rolls of fat and push them inside the suit. Jay, you did not. And then I had to peel it off of him. I could not get it off of him. Did it really split, Woods? Not when I was wearing it. The zipper split. You should have known better, Jay. Damn it, you guys. I swear. I'm not that fat. You're just different frames. I think it was Kim's. No, it wasn't. It was an extra large. He has actually double X. That's what he needed. Should have brought some duct tape. All right. A, I had never worn a wetsuit before. I had no idea how to get it on. So yes, he did have to help me get it on. And yes. He did have to help me get it off by his car. He was pulling it off. He almost broke his back. I've helped you out a wetsuit a couple times. He almost broke his back. You're going to take your friend in the water. It's all gross right now, you know? It's better. No, it's better. It's better. Yesterday was supposed to be perfect. It's killing fish, you know? There was, like, fish washed up on the... In the river. Down here. Not up there. It was days ago. Well, he is from Texas, and we don't have a beautiful ocean, and he really wants to surf, and so...
Taking them out. Well, he's going to love it. Yep. Let's see. So Anderson Cooper decided to go tan with Snooki. It's groundbreaking. So is the computer. Oh, my God, you're pale. So this isn't going to hurt. It's not going to hurt? It'll be fine. I don't know. It might hurt my dignity if they're going to spray on muscles. Well, you're going to look hotter. I really don't want to have to put on this hairnet, so I'm going to wait until the last possible second. It's very strange. So you're going to get your teeth widened right now. Yeah. All right. I had no idea that Mr. Anderson had muscles. So that when he took off his shirt and he had like, he had like a huge like peanut muscle. It was cool. I can't believe that people paint on their muscles. I've been, this is a surprise to me. It's not just muscles. Cleavage, cheekbones. We do it all. Cleavage? I don't need it. Now we're ready for your airbrush. Okay. Wow, that's dark. Wow. I've never had a tan line like that.
Thank you so much. Thank you. It's been cool to meet you. You're like my buddy now. Anderson Cooper. Mr. Anderson. He's really lowered himself. I respect Anderson Cooper. He's on daytime television now. Really, dude? He's hanging out with Snooki. He's tanning with Snooki. Making the big bucks, maybe? Is that why he's doing it? I don't know. What's next? Where do you go from there? He'll probably have Casey Anthony. Yeah, fishing with Casey Anthony. Oh, wow. Yeah, it would. We're fishing. It's no big deal. Hiking, maybe. Yeah, playing chess with Mark David Chapman. Oh, wow. No big deal. You know? So, Chris. It's Crawl. He drove down to Tecate. Guy drove. It's like a beer, right? Well, it is a beer, but it's named after a town. How many hours? One hour? That's it? That's not bad. Gosh darn, man. Driving in Mexico makes me nervous. I always think something bad's going to happen. But you're Mexican. You'd be fine. Yeah. I don't speak Spanish. But you're Mexican. They're not going to... They're not going to believe I'm Mexican. They're not going to bother one of their own. I don't look like one of their own. You look identical to one of their own. No. I'd do better in Iran.
That's your statement. Dubai would be good for you. You know what I mean? Maybe we get you a burka. Yeah, exactly. Put on a burka. 570-1949 is our number. And you can also text us. Our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. So they are changing the rules at the airport. It's not going to be as strict as it used to be. Didn't even know this. They were patting down even kids. Kids 12 and under now are not going to be required to take their shoes off going through the scans. So, yeah, that is kind of cool. Helps. But they're trying to, you know, kind of loosen the rules a little bit. There were six-year-olds that were getting patted down. And, you know, basically advocate groups are like, just use your head. If you didn't know, there was news about Jackie Kennedy. All these tapes were released. The news was.
She didn't want these tapes to be released until way after her death. And so since she died, they decided, all right, we're going to let these things out. Turns out she thought Martin Luther King was, quote, a terrible man. Why did she think that he was a terrible man? Well, she says that apparently he came to her husband's funeral and was drunk. That's what she says. Wow. She says, yeah, she says he was drunk. She also says that her husband did not like Lyndon Johnson, his vice president, at all. And the only reason that he was his vice president is because he needed the Southern votes. But he said to her one time, can you imagine what would happen if the country had to have Lyndon Johnson as its president? Famous last words. Yeah. Yep.
So anyway, there you go. Big news. These Jackie Kennedy tapes. And their big news is that Weight Watchers apparently works. I wouldn't know. Yeah, neither. Although they are trying to really market it towards dudes now. All right. Overweight patients told their doctors to go to Weight Watchers. We're told by their doctors to go to Weight Watchers. Mikey, calm down. That's not me. That is you. All right. Just watch the calories. Yeah, just count your points. I want tacos. You can have them. It could be on the meal plan. You can have them. You just got to limit them. I'm not saying that. He's playing clips of me. That's you. That's not me. That is not me. Identical Mike. Identical Mikey. It's my subconscious. It's my inner child. Oh, wow. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Oh, God. I grabbed some camper van Beethoven. It's not food, Mike. That's a bad, Mikey. And red hot chili peppers. That's a bad. I know you're Mexican. That'll get you going. Meatloaf? Cake.
Jake. Oh, totally. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We will come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. I guarantee you, Jay will not be as high on Robitussin. See you tomorrow morning at 6. Mikey Show's out. music.