The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/21/10

2:00Welcome to the program, everybody. It's the Mikey Show, and we're ready to get this thing going. 5701-949 is our number. Text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Get a hold of us in a couple of different ways, and so we would love for you to do that. Welcome to the program. What is today? Tuesday. Tuesday. 21st? Tuesday the 21st. That's another day that sounds like a popular birthday. September 21st. September 21st. My friend Julie's birthday. See? Yeah, happy birthday, Julie. It's a week before the missus' birthday. There you go. Some days stand out to me because they sound like birthdays. Some days don't. It's in the song Earth, Wind, and Fire song, September. Yeah. They say, the 21st night of September. Oh, nice. That's why you were doing that. What happened on the 21st of September in that song? What are they talking about? I don't know. It was something to remember. Something good. Dancing in September. Met a nice girl.

3:03Slade, maybe? The real sweetheart? I think they just dance the night away. Woodsy, I'd like to... In my version, they get married and they're happy. Okay. I thought maybe you just met some little... We could all have a different version. Vixen at a bar or something. In your version, it's a vixen at a bar. In my version, it's a girl that he falls madly in love with, and they have grandchildren together. Yeah, and L.O.B.'s. He's a tall, strapping, African-American guy. That's right. In my version, it's two girls. Yes, fair enough. Fair enough. Definitely the creepiest thing that's been said all morning. Creepy Uncle Jay. It definitely is. We just started. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's not here. She's out on maternity leave. Jay is our producer. And today our phone screener is Will. And you can talk to Will if you call us right now. And you can call about anything. You've heard. People bring up topics. People ask questions. People do whatever they want in our opening break because it's an open phone time. I like when they do that. I do. I like when they call and engage us. It's fun. They want to visit sweetly with us. It's fun. What do we have as a surprise for word of the day today, Jay? We have...

4:16Floor tickets for Muse. Muse. Muse. Wow. Floor. That shows what, tonight? It is? No, Phoenix is tonight. Phoenix is tonight. What a lineup in San Diego in the middle of the week. Perfect. Yep. Enjoy. Let me write that down. Maybe some bands come here and play on a Friday or a Saturday so that I may be able to attend a concert once in a while. I know it. It's tough. It is tough. When you do what we do. I'm so glad the Deftones are going to be here on a Friday. Makes my day. All right. Floor tickets for Muse. All right. So the word of the day is painting. The word of the day is painting. And I will do my best to make sure that you miss the word. Meaning that I will try to work that into a conversation where you don't even notice. So you've got to really be paying attention. Sometime between now and 10. You're going to hear me use the word painting, and you've got to be caller 9 at 570-1949, and you will win floor tickets for Mews. Mews. Mews. It's that easy. Eskimo Blue Waters has come up with a new national anthem. She's here, by the way. She is. What's she doing? She's down in the parking lot. She was here before I got here. She's down in the parking lot? Well, out by the door.

5:37You know, you need the car to get in. She doesn't have a car. No, she doesn't have a car. She doesn't work here. She's probably out there pretending to smoke cigarettes. She was like leaned up against the wall like, oh, it must be nice. Yeah. Unbelievable. Well, at eight o'clock this morning, she'll be in here. We'll talk to her. She was blasting American spirits down there. Well, she only puts the smoke in her mouth and blows it out. She doesn't inhale it. It's like a cigar. Yeah. She wants to seem like she's cool, but. That's not cool. Well, smoking's not cool, man. Smoking's not cool. No, it's not. She's playing up an image. Yep. Yeah. 5701949. Let's see. M1 Ryan is first up, and he's from Carlsbad. Are you there, Ryan? Hi, yeah. What's going on? Oh, nothing much. Just got home from work. Sweet. You were calling about what? Well, you guys were talking about the Earth, Wood, and Fire song and the significance of the 21st of September. Uh-huh. Actually, one year ago today, I started dating my high school sweetheart, and we'd known each other for about six years, and then we started dating, and the first song that we listened to after we made the quote-unquote official announcement was the Pomplamoose cover of the Earth, Wind & Fire song, and that kind of became like an R song. The Pomplamoose? Pomplamoose? I've never heard of it. It's this one girl and one guy. They're really famous on YouTube. And they're called Pomplamoose?

7:01Pamplemousse. Like the restaurant that I like? My favorite restaurant. That's Pamplemousse. I think so. I think it's a French for grapefruit. It is. It's French for grapefruit. L.O.B., did you really think they were two different words, Pamplemousse and Pamplemousse? Yeah, it's tomato, tomato. Yeah. It's an East Coast. I can just say that. There you go. That'll cover most grammatically. Sure. Yeah, if you mess it up, you just say, yeah, it's East Coast. We do that. Well, it's the first day of fall, right? The 21st? I think so. Good for you. Yeah. So it's our one-year anniversary, so I just kind of want to make a shout-out. Congrats. Yeah. I actually pay attention to these things. Ryan. Yes. You said that you were high school sweethearts. Yes. And then how many years after high school did you actually start dating again? We always loved each other. Oh. Never really actually dated. It took six years for me to kind of get the guts to make a move. Six years. Yeah, he's like Ross from Friends. Wait a minute. Did you, between high school and the time that you proposed, how many years went by? Six. And you did not date during those six? No, we did not. Oh. And why not? Timing. He was being a Sally, he said. Yeah, he said it. He was nervous. Yeah, you were dating other women and she was maybe dating other guys? Yes. Yeah. And then...

8:24Finally, you guys said, you know what? We're in love. We love each other. Let's do this. Yeah, we actually went to Vegas, which, you know, Vegas. That'll do it. City of love. Not really. City of lights. City of sex, I think. Sin City. Sin City will get you. One of the cities. Is that where you got married? No, no, no. That's where you made love. It's where you consummated. Trying to figure out the significance of Vegas. He said, well, then we went to Vegas. I'm like, uh-huh, and what happened in Vegas? Stays in Vegas, Mike. No, it stays there. It stays there. I can't tell you what happened in Vegas because it stays there. Happy warm feelings came back. Gotcha. I've got a kid. Whoa. Gotcha. That's creepy. We all know what that means. Yes. Guy's a closer. That a boy. There you go. All right, well, thank you for the call. We appreciate it. Congratulations. Yeah, congrats. You guys have a wonderful morning. Thank you, man. We'll see you. Let's see. We have M1 Bill on the line from Encinitas. Are you there? I'm here. How are you doing, Bill? I'm all right. I was just wondering if, because I came back from deployment, you were on a new show, and everything's great. I love it. It's cool. I heard on the Internet, like, what happened between you and the people.

9:49No, I've reached out to all of them. I've reached out to all of them and am really wanting to talk to them and figure out what happened and get everybody's side and have a lot of forgiveness in my heart and love and pray for their blessing and have not talked to them. Maybe one day they will reach out. It is a shame. And you know what? It's part of life. And, you know, I am. I am blessed, man. I have a new crew. And if you would have told me before it all went down, you know, because my plan was never to leave them. And I didn't decide to leave them. They decided that they wanted to go on their own. And at the time it happened. I was in my office with my wife crying and very upset and scared. Didn't know what I was going to do. Didn't decide for it to be that way. And when they all decided to go their way, they didn't tell me about it. And so I found myself alone and looking for a new crew. And once it came together, I saw God's plan in it. And I got to tell you, man.

11:13This group that I am with now, Woods, Sienna, Jay, L.O.B., have you ever seen the iPod commercial where you see the silhouettes dancing? That's what I feel like. That's what I feel like because of L.O.B. and Woods and this new life. And I say all the time, sometimes God takes something out of your hand to make room for something bigger. And I never, ever would have imagined that what was really great could be better now. And it is better now. And the ratings show that. And my life reflects that. And I'm happy. Probably happier than I've ever been in my life. Yeah. And just have this, you know, God bless me with this amazing chemistry. You know, it's just, oh, dude, it's great. I feel like that little dancing iPod person. All right, man. Well, you guys have a good morning. I hope everything works out eventually. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Like what you said, you know, just getting it started real lighthearted. Yeah, let's go for the real light questions. But, hey, you know what?

12:32Yeah, I lost a grandfather to cancer, if you guys want to talk about that. Oh, wow. No, you did not. I did. Did you? Not recently, but a couple years ago. I got you. I got you. A couple of things out there that we have got to hit because they are the huge story of the day. Lindsay Lohan had a warrant issued for her arrest. I'm worried about Lindsay Lohan and her doing something crazy. And the reason is because I know she didn't want to go back to jail. She's clearly addicted to cocaine. Something. They don't know. Well, she tested positive for cocaine and amphetamines. And amphetamines, yeah. Both. Oh, man. She tested positive for both. And so a judge revoked her probation yesterday, and she's ordered to appear in court on Friday, which means that she's going to be a free person. At least until Friday. She's free right now to do whatever she wants. And she admittedly is, you know, got an issue with addiction. This is what she tweeted in case you missed it. She said, regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test. And if I'm asked, I am prepared to appear before Judge Fox next week as a result. Now, she has been asked. And so she'll have to appear.

13:57And she said substance abuse is a disease, which leads us to believe that she has an issue with substance abuse. It's her words, she says, which unfortunately doesn't go away overnight. I'm working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps. This was certainly a setback for me, but I'm taking responsibility for my actions and I'm prepared to face the consequences. So we'll see what the judge says. But most likely the judge is going to say, you got to go back to jail. Yeah, that's kind of the bit, man. Once you violate probation, it's no good. It's very bad. Bad. You'll go to jail and, yeah, I mean, the thing is, is that I think that the more time that she has to be able to spend in, I think, a rehab type of deal would be better for her and she can get better. Yep. But, you know, speaking as a... As an addict myself, I can tell you that you have to, and it's so cliche, you hear this a million times, you have to want to. If they're ordering you to, it's not going to work. If they're ordering you to, it's not going to work. At some point, you have to, during them ordering you, or you doing it voluntarily, have to go, yeah, I do have a problem, and I do need to stop. She needs to hit bottom. Yeah. Boy. Strangely enough, I don't think she's hit.

15:25bottom yet. You don't? No. Man. Oh, think about it, man, because she got, what, 90 days in jail. She served 12. Mm-hmm. You know, then she had 30 days of rehab, which she had to do, what, five, six, you know, and once people keep letting you skate by, you know, that's not bottom, man. That's getting off the hook a little bit. Not a little bit. It's getting off the hook a lot. Yeah. You know, I had to do some time. You know, for for some alcohol driving situations. And, man, I had to do I had to do 20 days in there and they said 20 and that's it. Do your 20 and you're done. But they didn't let me out after four. Yeah. You know, and so I think when she hits her when she hits her bottom, that's when things are going to change. I mean, she still gets jobs. She was just in a new movie. You know, they just did a parody of her on the VMAs with her there with Chelsea Handler making fun of her alcoholism and things like that. And she was like playing along with it. Yeah, she played along with it. Yeah. Which I, you know, I saw that and I thought, no, that's that's not OK. That's weird. That's weird. They shouldn't do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's mean. Yeah. And I'm sure that if you ask Chelsea Handler and if you ask the producers of the show, they would say, well, we thought she had it under control. Right. Did you? Did you? Did you think she had it under control? Did you care? It's a little soon.

16:53Yeah, I mean, she got out of rehab and then went to do the VMAs with Chelsea Handler and did a whole little skit about how, you know, Chelsea drinks a lot or used to, I guess. And Lindsay Lohan did the thing, hey, listen, nobody's going to hire a drunk. Take it from me, blah, blah, blah. And they started doing the whole parody of it. But I guess when people are laughing at it and making it lighthearted, I guess it's going to be lighthearted. But, you know, when you look at it in the big picture, you're like, that's not really that cute. Right. She's kind of a mess. Yeah. We were trying to describe last night to our nanny, Anita from Hungary, what a mess means. Really? Yeah, we were talking about this. And we were trying to describe to her what a wreck is. Like that person's a wreck. Yeah. And for somebody from Hungary, it's hard to make the connection between something that's a car crash. Right. You're like, a wreck? Yeah. But that's what happens in a car. And that's a person? Yes. And you can kind of see the similarities. Okay, so you know the acid lady? Not even a lady, she was a girl. This girl that was attacked, she said she was attacked with acid. She said that some black lady walked up to her and went, you want something, my pretty little face? Pretty little girl. Pretty little girl. Very like Snow White, like the witch with the apple. Drink this.

18:23And she said threw ass in her face. And then you see these photographs of her and she looks jacked up. Well, it turned out to be a hoax. And she's being charged with a crime. She admitted faking it. And she told a local NBC affiliate up in Portland that that's what happened. Three counts of theft with aggravated circumstances are being added to it. So she stole the acid that she threw in her face? Yeah, is that the deal? No. No? No, she took money from people to get help. People felt bad for her. They were writing her checks. She was taking it, spending it. That's theft, yeah. Ow. Yeah, it's a really, it's pretty crazy when she talks about why she did it, you know, and how she thought she'd get away with it. And, yeah, hey, pretty girl, do you want to drink this? That's what she said that they said.

19:25So Woodsy, and then she used God's name because she said, I'm here today because of Jesus Christ, which is really bad. She shouldn't, you know, that's making it worse. She was in the hospital. A person from Safeway gave her a check for three grand. Safeway, like the... The store. The store, yeah. She spent $1,500 of it on dinners for her parents, a train ticket for her sister, And stuff at Target. Yep. Clothes for herself. What kind of dinners is she going to? I know. Sending her parents on. Mm-hmm. Round trip tickets to Seattle for her and her mother. Seattle. Let's see. She used it to pay off a $620 bill to a Portland clinic. Blah. Where she had a laser peel. That's ironic.

20:28I say blah when I mention Portland because that's where Edward Cullen is from. Yeah, they live up there. Portland. I watched that last night, by the way. Actually, it's Forks, Washington. You're such a woman. Tomato, tomato. It was on. There was nothing else on. I put it on. It wasn't there? I like it. Accumulated $4,596.04. Aren't we exact? Yep. It's a lot of money. What was their motivation, Woods? Money? Because of suicide. What? She wanted to kill herself. Nah. Yeah. Yeah. That was the thing. And then she thought, well, if I can't kill myself, then I can get help from people. Really? Yeah. That sounds very clever. That sounds very clever and made up. She used Drano and all kinds of stuff. For her face. Bought gloves when she bought the Drano and all that stuff with it. I guess to mix it. If you wanted to kill yourself, why would you have it in your hands? Yeah, I know. Right?

21:29She didn't want to get it on her hands while she was mixing it, I guess. But, yeah, that's what the article says, is that her motivation was suicide. It doesn't sound like it. It doesn't sound like it to me either. Sounds like she's saying that, and it's a clever answer. I don't know. What do I know? Let me second guess. Poor girl. Whatever her motivation was, she's not right. No, she's got real heavy problems. Yep. But anyway, that's the latest on acid hoax. Anybody see any of this last night? Woods, what was that look? Like five minutes of it. I watched a lot of football the day before. And then you had to do a lot of work? I had to do some work and I had to watch Twilight. You watched five minutes of the football game and then you watched Twilight. You were asleep. I watched a lot of that game. Did you really? Until halftime. Good for you. I thought you watched sports, Woods. I do, but I just wasn't in the mood last night. I was sported out.

22:27I thought you liked girls, too. I do like girls. You gave me grief when I watched True Blood. Yeah, well. That's vampires, too. That's a vampire sitcom. Yeah, don't you know by now it's just arbitrary rules that fit Woods' agenda? Exactly. Am I really going to make fun of him? I brought a throw yesterday. Yeah, yeah. You brought a throw? It's like a mink throw. Oh, my. And he draped it over the couch in a very stylish manner. Oh, Woods. We have a couch in the studio. Oh my gosh. How great is that? It's your cape. It's a new cape for you. How soft. It looks like a mink cape. It's a mink cape. Is that what happened to Paris Hilton's rabbits? Yeah, seriously. Look at this. Jay, great call. It's comfy. It looks like we found out what happened to the 20 rabbits Paris Hilton rescued from a pet store. Uber gay though. I mean. I mean uber gay. Liberace, he looked at this and was like, uh-uh, I can't wear that. He's like, I'm not wearing it. You have some of the fuzz on your face. Do I? Don't lick it. Let me... It's so soft. Let me read to you from my blog from today. It says, Yesterday I was in Z Gallery. Weird. Z Gallery? Z Gallery. It says, Yesterday I was in Z Gallery buying a blanket. I'm sorry. Throw.

23:54We have a couch in the new studio and I lay on said couch on occasion. Every day. Daily. So does Woods. Sometimes. And you guys lay on it with your shoes on. Oh boy. With your shoes on. You're projecting. I discovered that the couch works perfectly, but its single malfunction is its lack of proper warmth. So there I was in Z Gallery yesterday and the... Nothing in common with Mike Tyson's salesperson said to me, oh, this is a great throw. It is so soft. I felt this big. I'm holding my thumb and index finger about an inch apart. I said, for sure. And then look to my right at a pretend point of interest while the housewife behind me.

24:56pondered what my life partner was going to think of the new throw. Woods. What do you think, Woods? I like it. It's a little gay, but comfy. Would you like a bag? He smiled. The clerk, not the non-existent life partner. Yes, please, I said, holding my wallet waist high, looking at pretend receipts. I grabbed the bag like I just robbed the place, and I made a break for it. I felt like an old, washed-up bank robber in the car. Last one, last one, last one. This was my last Z Gallery purchase. Was it? No. Last one of the day. Won't I be back when candles go on sale? Yeah. We need to get some candles in here, right? I skewed myself out. Does it bother you that Woods just threw it back on there in an unstylish manner? In a crumpled-up ball?

25:55How are we going to take a picture for the catalog like that, Woods? I don't know. It's comfy, though. It certainly is. I'm taking a lot of heat here, but we're all going to be... Oh, it's soft. We're all going to be snuggling up with that puppy, aren't we? We'll be fighting over it. That's right. Maybe you get three more of those. Or four more. Go on back. Yeah, that's right. Well, when we get back, Woodsy will tell you about something manly, tell you about Monday Night Football, and holy Toledo, man. A huge NFL wide receiver was arrested early this morning on DUI charges. And another NFL wide receiver committed suicide. And we have details on it and the panel. Word of the day is painting. You're listening for that cleverly worked into a sentence. Word of the day is painting. So when you hear that, caller number nine will win floor tickets for Muse. It'll happen sometime between now. And 10. Meows. Meows. And I will be real sneaky about the way that I say it. Usual. That's right. Yeah, usually the people here on the show, they don't even notice. I don't know how the listeners do it. I know. Because I'm sitting here and I don't know. Eskimo Blue Waters be up at 8 o'clock. And, you know, sing in for us, see what she's up to. And Woodsy's going to be telling you in just a second about a big...

27:58name NFL wide receiver that was arrested early this morning in DUI, and another NFL wide receiver within our conference committed suicide. We'll give you details on that, what that's all about. And we're also going to be doing the panel on some pretty interesting stuff. What did you guys do yesterday? Took a nap. Took a nap? Napped like a madman. Me too. It was great. A real nice nap. I have a new nap room. What is it? I have one of our guest rooms. It's really dark. Why not your bed? Because it's dark. Well, it's really, our bedroom has a lot of windows and it's really light and they're doing construction kind of behind our house. So you hear all day, beep, beep, beep. It makes me want to get an M16 and go to work. Get a noise maker. Yeah. Get earplugs. Yeah, I have earplugs. But something, it's weird, like sleeping in your bed. Sleeping in your own bed, you kind of feel like a turd. You're like, I'm a loser. But if you nap somewhere, you're like, I'm doing something. I'm not in my bed. I'm not a loser. So I go to our guest room that's pitch black, nice and cool. Got in bed and slept for like three hours. It was wonderful. Lucky. I called LOB this morning and wanted to throw an idea past her. And she said,

29:23Sorry, you were breaking up there. And I said, what? And she goes, I have my teeth whiteners in. And so, sorry about that. And I said, I go, what? Because my teeth whiteners, I wear this. What's going on? So what do you want? What are you calling about? What's up? It's four in the morning. Yeah. It's not so much Susanna as it is like Daffy Duck. Yeah. What is that all about? Wendy, how long have you done this? This is my second day on the whiteners. And I need to leave them in for a half an hour when I'm like not doing anything. So I figure I'll just put them in on my way to work. Are these drugstore kind of deals? Yeah. Or is this a professional like go to a place? I mean, it's crest like professional strength. Yeah. Her teeth look real white. You know, maybe it's working. I do.

30:25They're only two days whiter. How long do you do it? Seven. Let me tell you something. If in seven days those pearlies get even whiter, I'll do it. Oh, for sure. I've done it before. I mean, it works, but it used to be like those cheap, like flimsy ones and you do it for like 30 days. These are like thick rubber ones. How bad are those? white, those strips that you have to, they're slimy and you can't get it on them. You don't know how it works. Have you done that? Oh yeah, they're terrible. They didn't work for you? They work for me. They work, but it's hard to maneuver. They kind of sting your gum. Yeah, it burns. Hey, last week we got our, me and Jay and Woods got our nose hairs waxed and these two girls came in to do it. They had the whitest teeth I've ever seen. Oh my gosh. Did anybody ask them how their teeth were so white? They're also like 21, 22, probably don't blast. They don't drink coffee. They don't drink coffee. Yeah, they will. Not yet. They will. Yeah. When I was 21, my teeth were iridescent. Mine too. Yeah. Inside my nose is still all shiny smooth in there. Once I just put my finger up there, I'm like, wow, that is so cool. That's not what I want to talk about. You're talking about your nose? Yeah, my nose. Mine feels pretty good. It's still pretty good. It's pretty slick. It's slick. Although I just saw Woods eat a booger. Ew.

31:46I spit it out. Ew, ew, ew. She did a terrible job on me. Mine still has a little bit of hair. I have a little bit. A little tuft. It's not, I don't think. Necessary? No, I'm trying to think of how, you know, did she do a terrible job or is that just a really hard place to get? Would she rip half my mustache off? Fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. It's a very sweet girl. You were bleeding. I was bleeding. I mean, she's a really sweet girl. I think that if you asked her, she would say, I did a terrible job. Fair enough. She ripped half my mustache off. It bled. Half. And she... We got the receptionist. We got the actual... Yeah, we got the esthetician. Yeah. Mike got the receptionist. I didn't get the memo on who the host of the show was. It's okay. I don't... I mean, that didn't bother me. It's just... Listen, she can be the receptionist as long as she knows how to wax my nose. She is a licensed esthetician. She just happens to be a receptionist at this... But has a license. And she also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. Exactly. And that's really why she was able to do it. It's very important. Able to do it. Let's see. So, Monday Night Football, I want to know about that. You know what? Let's just get it going. I want to do a little Woods on Sports, find out everything that's happening in the sports world. Woods on Sports, as always, brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center.

33:30A Monday Night Football last night was Drew Brees and the Saints taking on the 49ers. 49ers had a tough start, but, man, they played their guts out in this game. They lost, though, 25-22 to the Saints. From what I read, some pretty interesting stuff happened. Reggie Bush was carted off. He has a broken leg. He's going to be out. Reports are saying up to six weeks. Oh, my. So that's not good for the Saints, man. He's an integral part of their offense, man. He switches it up. You got your field goal kicker last night had a pretty good game. Fantasy football. You edged me out. Garrett Hartley. Garrett Hartley. Yep. You edged me out for the high points for the week. I did. Because of your stupid kicker. I got my butt kicked, like, by 30. 30 points this week, so I'm not really happy about that. But Drew Brees was happy because they got a win. Cut one. It's obvious that we still have a long way to go and constant improvement. But, you know, we've been the number one offense in the league three out of the last four years. So we don't plan on letting that slip. We're going to make sure that we get back on track. But in the end, it's all about finding a way to win. You know how I feel bad for the Niners? They, last season, same thing. They play so good.

34:40And they lose these, you know, by the thinnest of margins. You know, last year, I remember Brett Favre did the same thing to them in the last two seconds of the game. And they were right there in this one. And then I think there was a turnover. They're the best losing team out there. Yeah, it's true, man. They can't find that way to get over that hump. I feel the same way about the Lions. They're a good team, and they just lose by these tiny little margins. Well, there was a report that came in this morning that New York Jets star receiver Braylon Edwards has been arrested for drunken driving in New York. Blew a .16, which is double the legal limit. Man. Out partying on a Monday night? Apparently. Oh, wow. It's Monday night. Well, he doesn't have his weekends, right? Oh, maybe that's the deal. Maybe that's the NFL bit. Is that the big night to party? Maybe because they, like LLB says, they can't on Saturday night. Can't on Friday night. On Friday night. Yeah. So maybe that's the deal. This is like Monday's is their Friday. It's like people in the service industry. Yeah. Yeah. Monday night was a big night for bartenders. Yeah. Absolutely. So he got busted this morning. Yeah. This morning driving and he's in his Range Rover. Got pulled over because his windows were too tinted. Weird. Oh. And yeah, he's going to be in a little bit of trouble. I'm sure. I mean.

36:04Guys that get DUIs during the season, they get suspended. Really? He's probably going to miss a couple games, I would imagine. Oh, wow. He could afford a car. To pick him up? Yeah. Well, that's a wrap on all these guys. But they've got fancy cars, and I think that that's the— They don't want to leave them? I'm not—hey, listen, I ain't condoning it. I'm just trying to give you a—because when people go, why would they do that? I think that's why. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't look as cool Braylon Edwards pulling up to a club in a cab. Yeah. You know, being like, hey, what's up? We're getting taken home, and then he can get a cab to go get his car. In the morning. Yeah, it's my bit. Jets, by the way, already dealing with Daryl Rivas and his gajillion-dollar deal that he signed, and now he's out with a hamstring. He's out for a couple weeks. Oh, Rex Ryan, you got your work cut out for you, pal. You hate Rex Ryan. I don't hate him. I just think he's a loudmouth. I mean, I'm more the guy that likes to hear, I want to do something first. You know, it's like Lane Kiffin at USC. The guy's won 14 games in his coaching career and thinks he's George Halas. You know what I mean? It's like, do something first. You know? Also, a very sad story that came across yesterday.

37:12To be honest with you, I'd never heard of this guy, Kenny McKinley. Never heard of him. But, man, once I started reading about him, I was really upset about him, man. It was a very sad thing. He plays for the Denver Broncos. He's a wide receiver. He went to South Carolina. Committed suicide. Committed suicide yesterday. And thinking about the Broncos, man, they've lost Darren Williams, Damian Nash, two players. Darren Williams got shot and killed. And then Damian Nash collapsed after a charity basketball game. He died. So the Broncos have just been hit hard, man, by all this stuff. And, you know, there's going to be more that comes out about this. But he was on injured reserve, and apparently he was just a good dude. You know, good guy, good teammate. And, man, just nothing led up to this. Anybody would have any idea this was going to happen. Very terrible. Switching gears a little bit. Last night was a big night at Yankee Stadium because George Steinbrenner's monument was unveiled in Centerfield Monument Park, which was very interesting. I was surprised. His monument is about twice the size of Babe Ruth's, Mickey Mantle's, Joe DiMaggio. George was a big part of the Yankee history, and here's manager Joe Girardi on that cut, too. It's unfortunate that we're actually going through it because we all wish the boss was still here. But to see that monument there is...

38:32really special and to read what it says about him and how giving of a man he was and it was good to see people come back. I thought it was the wrong time Woods. Why? I don't mean to sound crass but I thought the body's not even cold and you're you know like it just seemed like when I heard about it I thought Is that a PR move or is that a genuine move? I thought it would have made more sense at the beginning of next season to unveil this, you know, on the first game or something. It seemed very rushed. It seemed like he just died. It seemed very like, why? The season's not even over. You know, I don't know. That was my first thought. I don't know. It definitely was not mine. And you're a Yankee guy. I'm a Yankee fan, but, you know, had they done it? Two days after, maybe. But, I mean, it's been a while. It's been a couple months. If you're a Yankee fan and it doesn't bother you, then it's probably not a bad deal. But it just struck me as odd. Yeah. Odd timing. You know, I don't know. I mean, he was – the boss was an integral part of their success, man. And, you know, to be able to go out there and put that thing up so everybody can see it. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it didn't hurt that they were playing the Rays and the Yanks went out and won a really –

39:49good game and got their lead back up to one and a half games over the Rays. Probably was a little calculation to it. I don't think it's a bad move. I didn't think it was not tasteful per se. What's going on with the Padres? Padres are going to be taking on the Dodgers tonight. They are half game back. This is it. Make it happen. They've got a couple weeks left. Where are we? You're half game back. Half game back. Pods against the Dodgers. Dodgers are reeling. Take it to him. Come on. Yeah, that's it. Please. Please. Thank you. You're welcome. 5701949 is our number, or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. The retired Jerry Rice's number at halftime last night, the Niner game. Pretty solid. Guy was a good player. 4% body fat while he was a player. Wow. Just like me. I'm three. I'm three right now. Are you? Yeah. I'm at 78%, which I think is really strong. Doctor told me, oh, I hope my wife isn't listening because she doesn't know the doctor told me this. Doctor told me to eliminate fat from my diet. Eliminate? Yeah. That's impossible. Of course it is. So, yeah, you shouldn't even try. She said, actually, what she said was, I would like you to go on a very, very low-fat diet.

41:22Okay? Almost eliminate, if you can. Almost fat-free, but very low fat diet. And I remember in my head going, nope, nope, nope, nope. Why does she want you to do that? Because of the gallstone. The gallstone that I have in my gallbladder, which is not left, but the fat can exacerbate. It can do what? It exacerbates the... I'm sorry. Say again. It has a better problem with the stone in the gallbladder. Try not to eat the fat because it will make them more agitated. How do you take them out? They would have to take the gallbladder out, which they can do. They can't just laser them? Better than being on a fat-free diet. Is it? Is it not? Always. It's way better. No, it's not. It's a thousand percent better. Getting surgery is never better than anything. Oh, yeah. Get it done and over with. Heartbeat.

42:22Get it done and over with. I had a cavity, not that it's super similar to LLB, but they were going to have to do a root canal on my back tooth, top back tooth. And the guy's like, yeah, we're going to have to do it. I go, take, pull it. Pull it. No, we're not. I go, just yank it. He goes, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, it's a back tooth. Get rid of it. I'm not going to miss it. We're not friends, me and the tooth. Take that sucker out. We don't hang out. Yeah, pulling a tooth is better than a root canal. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was so much better. So much better. Panel is where we get 20 seconds to discuss something. It's me and Woods and L.O.B. Heard of a frankenfish? Is that a new cereal? Nope. Frankenfish is where they take a fish and they genetically engineer it. They do it with salmon, okay? And what it does is it allows you to have these big, giant, beautiful salmon. And basically what they're doing is they're modifying nature. What it does, it puts real delicious, big, giant salmon on your plate. We do the same thing now with things like apples and stuff like that. You know, we'll do all kinds of crazy stuff to bigger apples, redder apples. Sweeter apples. Sweeter apples. More delicious. Sure. Now, this begs the question. Does this seem strange to you? That we are making genetically fat fish?

43:51We do it. That's why we give steroids and hormones and stuff like that to cows. We want big fat cows so we could have big old pieces of steak. Woods, what do you think? Is this something that you think is weird or would you? No, I mean, I'm not a salmon guy at all. I used to like it. I don't like it at all. So I wouldn't eat it regardless. But it doesn't bother me. You're fine with it. I'm fine with it. You say, put whatever you want, make those fish big. Make them real plump and delicious. Plump and beautiful. As long as it's not hurting them or hurting us, I'm fine with it. Doesn't really matter if it hurts them. They're going to die anyway, so we can eat them, right? Fair enough. But, I mean, we treat them good. Yeah, yeah, we treat them sweetly. We shouldn't abuse the salmon. LOP. Well... Who knows if it's painful for them to bear that much weight. I don't know. Yeah, we're going to eat them, but you don't want their entire existence to be painful. I hope that it's going to be labeled on what is genetically engineered salmon. I mean, I go for the wild caught stuff anyway instead of the farm race, but I don't know. I don't like it. It smells fishy. It smells fishy, doesn't it? Yeah, I mean, I think any time we're making stuff, it's weird throwing stuff in there.

45:07Wonder why we got eight-year-olds with giant boobs? Yeah. Got eight-year-olds with D-cups. Yeah. And we're like, what's up with that? I don't know. Maybe the fact that we're sticking hormones in everything we eat? Mm-hmm. Hey, how come back in the 50s, girls didn't have D-cups when they were eight? Yeah. You guys were bumming back then, though, I'll tell you that. Weird. Still think it's weird. How about spray-on clothing? You down with this? How about spray-on clothes in a can? I need to hear more. Spray on clothes in a can. Apparently in London, they've developed a sort of liquid clothing. It comes in a spray aerosol can. And what it does, it hardens on the body and it turns into a reusable garment. That's right. It's a spray. Little fibers in there. And they mix them with polymers. That's a good word. It's a great word. And they put them together with a solvent that keeps the fabric in a liquid form in the can. Another good word. And then when you spray it on, the solvent evaporates instantly when the stuff sprays onto your body. And then it makes this smooth clothing material that can be washed and reworn. Wow. Weird. Yeah. We got to get some.

46:31Of course we have to get some. We don't have to panel this, but we don't have to 20-second deal with this, but would you wear that, Woods? No, I wouldn't wear it, but I think it's red. I want to see it. L-O-B? No, I wouldn't want to put whatever's in there that's making clothes on my skin. By the way, I bet I know why they did it. I bet they did it because... because of things like jeggings. Yeah, to make it as tight as possible. Of course. As form-fitting. Kings of Leon will be all over the spray-on clothing. It's going to be in their new rider. We need eight cans of spray-on pants. Spray-on pants. I want some so bad. I want to try an arm sleeve. Excuse me out. Has Sesame Street lost their cock-a-doodie minds? Mm-hmm. Why did they have this? I'm not going to tell you who it is until we come back. Why'd they have this pop star on Sesame Street singing a song that has freaking cussing in it? Word of the Day's Painting. You got to listen for me to work that into a sentence and you could win tickets, floor tickets for Mews. Mews. So be listening. Crafty. The way that I'm going to make that thing come up on the air. L.O.B. I want to continue learning about teeth whitening at some point.

48:41Eskimo Blue Waters be up here with a new version of the national anthem. We'll find out why. Allegedly, yeah. Allegedly. Oh, by the way, Trade Up for Charity is no longer on eBay because eBay made us take it down. They have all these rules, and they were like, we don't know if you're some kind of hoax. We don't know if you're a criminal. We don't know what you are, what you're about. So true. Uh, and so it's now on Mikey show.com. We're doing everything through Mikey show.com. Here's what you're bidding on. You're bidding on a portrait of a photo, uh, that Jared does with create your design online.com. It's an amazing looking thing what he does and he's going to frame it. It looks like it should be worth thousands of dollars. And we're also, you're also bidding. on a four-night stay at the Four Seasons in Maui. Wow, wow. Do you know what the current bidding is at right now? I do. Nicholas Strum is our current leader, and he's got it at $1,125. Which is a trip because the trip alone, or the stay, it's not airfare, by the way.

50:01You've got to cover your own flight. Yeah. Dude, what's the worst part of traveling? Paying for the hotel room. Yeah. That's the worst. I'll pay anything for airfare. I hate paying for the hotel. It's a great deal. We're talking about over $4,000 in the stay alone. And right now it's at what? It's $1,100. That's crazy. And this place is amazing. Look at the pictures online. I'm just like, I want to be there right now. I want to be there. It's unbelievable. I want to live there. Oh, yeah. It was real nice. So check it out. Katy Perry was a guest on Sesame Street. What? And she sang her song Hot and Cold, which is a catchy ditty. There's no doubt about it. Great song. I just, I'm like, I'm looking at the lyrics and I'm going, you change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah, you PMS like a bitch I would know. She says PMS? Yeah. I never knew that. Yeah. Wow.

51:03Now, I'm sure she changed the lyrics, but come on, man. She sounds like my wife singing to me. Plus, she's just kind of skanky. Yeah, right? Dress up. Yeah, we're going to dress you like a lesbian. Oh, I'm all in. Don't you? Come on, Elmo. Don't you want to play? How come you're not singing about the PMS? Because it's Sesame Street. I know. How come you're not singing about you're in and you're out and you're up and you're down? Oh, wow. You know why? Because it's not for little kids. Right. I know you're changing the words and everything, but now my four-year-old, how about now my four-year-old little girl Katie's like, hey, Dad, I'd really like that. Can I get the record? Yeah, I'd love to, but I can't get you the record. Why not? Because the record talks about, you know, PMS. It'll be. Yeah, and then there's another tune on there that I want you to hear where she's talking about waking up in Vegas. Yeah.

52:41Kissing girls. Kissing girls and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. You're so gay. You're so gay. Just like the Beatles or any other group, though, that had to change their songs, lyrics, when they came on national TV programs. Like Ed Sullivan. Dude, when I was a kid, Barbra Streisand was on Sesame Street, man. John Denver. John Denver was on Sesame Street. Thank God he's a country boy. I don't have to worry about that. Who's good? Cakes on the griddle. I can deal with that. Who's good now to be on Sesame Street? Taylor Swift. I'll tell you who. Taylor Swift. I'll tell you who. Taylor Swift would be fine. Would she? You know, what about Michael Buble? What does a kid know from Michael Buble? What do I care? Go on there, Michael Buble. I don't buy your albums, but go on there and sing good and sing to my kid. I don't have a problem with you. I think Taylor Swift would be good on it. Taylor Swift probably would. Isn't she the one? She's singing about wearing tennis shoes and a t-shirt. Oh, that's not bad. Who's the one that's going to carve her name in her truck? Yeah, that's Carrie Underwood. I don't need that either. You know, hey, music, whatever. You can listen to that if you want to. You're a grown-up. I just don't want my four-year-old talking about carving her name in the side of somebody's freaking four-wheel drive. Mom, can we watch Katy Perry's video on YouTube where she sings to Elmo? No, sweetheart. No, no, sweetheart. I don't want to watch that with you. Why not? Because I know you saw it with Elmo, but she's saying something different with Elmo. I want to see what she's saying with Elmo. I know. I know you do.

54:01I know. I just... Can I see what she sings? No. Why? Elmo likes her. I know. Elmo loves her. Oh, no. Yeah. You're toast. You're toast. At that point, you're dead. Great. Sweetheart. Tickle me, Elmo. Oh, man. That got so, so strange when he did that just then. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. Of course it is. Elmo's so cute. Elmo is so cute. He's so cute. He's real cute, but you know what? I still want to have to explain to my kid who Katy Perry is and what she's singing about. Yep. Her video, the one with Snoop Dogg, the California girls, it's supposed to look like she's in Candyland. Yeah. Which you think a kid would like, but then she starts. Yeah, but in her world, Candyland is Cocaineland. Cocaineland. There's like cans of whipped cream shooting off in inappropriate matters. Oh, boy. Yeah, great. Daddy, what's that supposed to be? Oh, nothing. My mouth dropped. And I am 29 years old. My mouth dropped open. I was like, oh, my God. Hey, listen. I'm the fuddy-duddy on the show. It makes other people's mouth. I'm not the only one. It ain't just a fuddy-duddy on the show. Yeah, it's pretty hard to offend me, but some stuff gets me. Like, that would get me. If I had kids. I mean, when I have kids, I will be.

55:21Johnny Fuddy Duddy. I'm telling you, I will be the lunatic. Well, my six-month-old niece loves that song, California Girls. And my brother-in-law is like, I don't want her watching that video. Oh, yeah. But it's so weird, though, because I'll be like, all right, son, why don't you grab a seat? I'm going to teach you about the majestic brilliance of Led Zeppelin, which is all mystical stuff. Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I know. It just kills me. Well, some of it is. Yeah, some of it. Some of it might be a little darker. Yeah, some of it's darker. Yeah. I will, because I don't want my kid to be like, Daddy, Daddy, I want to go see the Jonas Brothers. I want my kid to be like, Daddy, take me to go see SDP. Here's what's on the top of the wish list for your average five-year-old girl right now. A meat suit, all right? That's number one. Meat suit for Christmas. Yeah, for Christmas, can I get a meat suit? Halloween. preferably a T-bone or porterhouse meat suit, right? And second of all, Dad, I need a bottle of Jack. Okay? 100%. I gotta go to the club. I need a bottle of Jack. I need a bottle of Jack because Kesha sings about when she leaves the house, she gotta have her bottle of Jack. Yeah, I need one. So, Dad, I need one. So, let me get this straight. I gotta get you a filet mignon meat suit and a bottle of Jack. Is that right? Because of the radio? Yep. What are you, bad Blake? Yeah, what are you, bad Blake? I thought you were my daughter, Katie.

56:43You're turning into Bad Blake. Unbelievable. You might text yesterday, Woods, about... You did? Yeah. Man versus whatever. Yeah, about Man versus what? I wrote you back. You didn't. I did. I'll show you my cell phone. I'll show you mine. I wrote you back. You did. I did too. Remember? Because I wrote you about Boardwalk Empire. I got that. Okay. That's not the one you're talking about? No. Oh. I wrote you about Man versus Wild because I saw Cool Man versus Wild. But you always see a cool man versus wild. You didn't text me back, Mike. You didn't text me. You never text me back. Yeah, there's no chance. Well, I do. Actually, I called you yesterday, too. But then after I called you, I texted you about the guy in fries, the one that yelled at me for texting in line. There's a guy that yelled at you for texting in line? Yes. When? Yesterday. I did not get that. You get upset about it. I got upset. What happened? I cried. What? Yeah. You texted me that? I texted, I was like, I said something witty about like, you know what rhymes with fry? Cry, which is what I just did. What? I cried in line when the guy yelled at me. What happened? You been to one of those before? Yeah. Yeah, so I went there. I had to pick up like a new cable modem because mine's a piece of junk. I'd never been there before and there's like an auctioneer like, you're in line one, you're in line two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so there was a long line. I didn't realize how quickly it was moving and I was...

58:08texting somebody back, probably you, and I was texting for, like, a second, and the guy behind me, I guess they called my number, and the guy behind me was like, hey, genius, you're up. Whoa! Right? Wow! Did he say it all snotty? He said it, like, almost quiet enough for other people to hear it, but maybe, I don't know, I mean, I think he meant for me to hear it, obviously. If you've never been there... Fry's, they have so many people. Well, first of all, it's the size of an aircraft carrier. Yeah, it's ridiculous. I'm never going there again. Well, they have everything. That's paradise for me. Well, that's what I asked some of the guys at the station. What's the closest thing here that I can go to? They have everything. I've never been. Oh, dude, it's great. I was enjoying it until the guy in line. They have this giant... line and they'll snake you around and they have like literally 55 cash registered numbered with a red and green light if it's red somebody's there and if it's green it means it's open well they have an air traffic controller yeah that tells you standing up on a big stool yeah and she'll say 32 21 she points at you but there was a huge line and it started moving like faster than i thought i was looking at my phone for half a second yeah when she did that all the time

59:27Yeah, for half a second. Maybe you pay attention when you're in line. Oh, my gosh. I kind of agree with that. Yeah. That makes me crazy. Dude, I've been there when people aren't paying attention and the lady's like, you know, 25, 25, 25, 25. I know. I've been there. Well, I've not been there, but I've been places where someone's not paying attention and I actually will tap somebody on the shoulder and go, hey, you're next. You're up. They're calling you. Something polite. It's like at a green light when somebody, or yeah, when the light turns green and after half a second someone goes, meep, meep. It's like, whoa, all right, calm down. Would it bother any of you guys if some blonde girl is there with their cell phone, she's texting up real good, they're calling her to go to line and she's not moving because she's texting, would that bother anybody? Yeah, I'd walk around her. I'm not doing brain surgery. I'm standing in line at Fry's. You really don't need to pay that close of attention, okay? She makes an argument. Everybody's in such a hurry these days, you know? Yes, relax. Tell me to go ahead. And in fact, I heard the person, and before I could even look up and apologize to the person, oh, sorry, and then run over to lane three or whatever, he's like, hey, genius. Oh, so cutting. Just cutting. It was so, I just like.

1:00:40Oh, gosh, my eyes are welling out. Oh, I would do it to a dude. I would do it just like this. I'd go, hey, Slick, they're calling your number. Just like that. Hey, Slick, make that right. But not to a woman. Yeah, Lauren's sensitive. I am sensitive. She is sensitive. And I cry a lot these days. Did you cry at the car or did you cry in line? No, I got... So I was like, sorry. And I said it to him, and then I, like, scurried over, and I was like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And I was like, yeah, and I was, like, swallowing really hard, and I was really quiet. The cash register, or the cashier person was trying to be all, like, chipper and nice of me, and I couldn't even, like, bring myself to do it. I was like, oh. Genius guy, by the way. He does it so often. He has no idea that it affected her day. Not a big deal to him. Not that he cared, but. No, he wouldn't care. He has no idea it affected, ruined probably your whole day. I hit my car. Just. Waterworks. Total waterworks. A-hole. Oh, my gosh. Poor L.O.B. I have tears in my eyes. I know. Look at her. Look at her. You've got tears in her eyes. I do. It's the worst when you're at an amusement park and everybody's waiting in line and there's that couple and they're making out in line and they're playing grab ass and you're like, come on, dude. At an amusement park, that's when I'm like, hey.

1:01:55Go, you're up. Come on. And they're like, oh, and they run up to the front line. Drives me batty. I wasn't. I could see if I've been in traffic before where I have admittedly so been like texting in a red light. And then I look. Yeah, I know. And I look up and it's like the car that was in front of me is already 50 yards ahead. And I actually raised my hand up to the person behind me as if to say sorry. Like, you know, so this guy didn't even give me a chance. And he was so harsh and just. biting with his words. I'm already super sensitive. Already going through a particular time. Oh no. Oh boy. I know. Oh no. Idiot. You're a genius. When a girl is going through that time, more hormones are released into your blood and those are the same hormones that make you a girl, obviously. And part of being a girl is being sensitive and crying. And so you just have an influx of all that. It's an internal storm. Yeah. It is a, I, I actually, I wrote in my blog about this last night. I'm crying at like everything. Her eyes are watering right now. I'm crying at like when something's sweet, when something's cute, when something's sad, when I get mad, I do the mad cry a lot. And you can't help it? I can't help it. Oh, wow. Wow.

1:03:18I know. So I got, I like, it must have been like, it was just waiting there. 5701949, by the way, if anybody's listening. It's just waiting for the, for the next thing to make me erupt. And because I usually would bite back at somebody and be like, Hey, relax, buddy. Yeah. But I was just like kind of sensitive and already like, I was already like, I cried at a Keith Urban song the other day. And I was just like, you know, what song? Stupid. I don't even know what it's called. You were probably mad at the song. Take your cat and leave my sweater. Take your cat and leave my sweater. Yes. Yeah, I know it. How do you know it? Because my wife and I, when we were dating, we broke up one time and she's like, I want you to download this Keith Urban song. And I listened to it. That's terrible. It's terrible. What's it called? I don't know what it's called. It's called You'll Think of Me. Oh, wow. Yeah. Look at you, Woodsy. Oh, yeah. Thanks, hon. I can't leave my sweater. We have nothing more to weather. But yeah, and I just got into my car and it was just like the floodgates opened because I was just... But it kind of felt good in a way. But all day I was like, he could have been a little bit. There's a lot of other things he could have said. You know, L.O.B., because there's two schools of the woman in that...

1:04:39situation, and we all know what situation I'm talking about, you get the one that's like uber sensitive or the one that's giant B. Yeah. And better that you are sensitive and not the giant B. Yeah, that's it. Well, I can be both. Fair enough. Oh, no. Oh, no. I've never heard it. You never heard it? Never heard it. I love Australian country singers. So much. Dear, I want you to download this. Yeah, she dedicated this to me when we split one time. Great, thanks. Did you laugh as you listened? Yes, I laughed. It's Keith Urban. Good day, mate. L.O.B., how did you possibly hear a Keith Urban song? I was scanning through the radio. And it was on. Oh, wow. Yeah. Gotta get to the chorus. LLB just crying real good about the Fry's guy. Yeah. And he yelled at me at Fry's and I said. Take your records. Take your freedom. I don't need it. Take your modem. I don't need it.

1:05:54Next time I'll call one of them geniuses from Best Buy. Have one of them nerds come by and fix me up. It's fantastic. Fantastic. 570-1949. M1 Kevin from OB got yelled at in line too, right? Yesterday? What happened, Kevin? I was at Vaughn's in North Park and an old man behind me was pissed, but I had said... Oh, wow. He counted, he counted, he counted, he counted. He counted. He counted it. She's relating to the items that you're buying. And he counted, right? Oh, he counted. He was mad that I bought a bottle of wine because I put my bill over $100. Yeah. So I offered to pay for his stuff because he's being such a tool, and that pissed him off even more. And so then when I left, the lady was such a sweetheart, and I said, thank you so much. She's like, thank you. You know, you say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I turned to him and said, God bless you, sir. Yeah.

1:07:17Dropped a huge F-bomb. Oh, wow. I told Woodsy that that happened with me. Thank you for the call, by the way. Great call. My dad and I, we were at Stater Brothers, or he calls it Statler Brothers. And dad has a handicap deal. And he's got the, yeah, it's actually on the plate now. Now it's on the plate. Nice. was pulled into the handicap thing. And, you know, dad moves a little bit slower now. And we were leaving. So we were, you know, dad was driving. I was in the passenger seat. And, you know, he was, he's very cautious as he backs up. And so he's making sure that everything's right. And there was a woman, older woman, I would say she was probably in her mid-60s, in a beautiful Jaguar. New Jaguar. Yeah. And she didn't like that my dad was taking so much time and was, you know, throwing the hands up in the air like she just don't care. And she used the F word window down, used the F word. And I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, I know. I thought, wow, that's pretty harsh. And so same deal. I said, God bless you, ma'am. God bless you.

1:08:43And I meant it. Oh, of course you did. Yeah, I meant it. What did she say? She gave us some more Fs. No way. Oh, my gosh. That really made her mad. Wow. Gave us some more Fs. Sometimes killing people with kindness is worse to them than kicking them in the shin. That's like pouring hot coals on their head. But it makes them probably feel worse later on. Maybe it does, but, you know, hey, listen, if you're having that bad of a day, God bless you. Yeah. That's a good bit. But if this has ever happened to you, you've been yelled at, or you've got to take on any of it, the line, the whole thing. 570-1949, let's talk to you. Absolutely. The other day I got pushed out of the way. Oh. This older man apparently wanted to get by me. Instead of saying excuse me, just took his hand on my back and shoved me out of the way. We're in a big hurry these days. Yeah, everybody's rushing around. Oh, my gosh. Oh, we've got some compelling audio to play for you, too. In addition to you calling about this. You know, people doing the weird stuff to you and maybe your responses to them or whatever. 570-1949. But in addition to that, Lindsay Lohan's not the only one dealing with cocaine. Paris Hilton admitted that she was in possession of cocaine yesterday and lied about it to police. And we have the audio. Next. Great deal. You ever see them? No, but I've heard they're great. Great life. Welcome back. In just a second, we're going to be playing you the...

1:10:42Paris Hilton audio, where she is basically admitting to having cocaine and lying to police about it. So we have the audio. We'll do that. Don't forget, word of the day is painting. When you hear me cleverly work that into a sentence, caller 9 gets floor tickets to see Muse. And Eskimo Blue Waters will be coming in at 8 o'clock. She says that she has a new national anthem she'd like to test out. Of course. I have no idea what that's about. We'll find out. We're talking about drunken... We're talking about people that have been in line someplace and they're acting like jerks. This guy said that there was an old guy behind him that was drunk and was like yelling at him. Yeah. Was that the deal? He said he was belligerent or something like that. May or may not have been drunk. And he was just yelling at him. Yeah, most likely. So I want to know if you have dealt with anything like that. Have you been yelled at? I've been a yeller. You have, Woods? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Weird. Of course. I had a friend just like you that used to do stuff like that. I'd be afraid to go with him. Yeah, I've done it. You've never done it in front of me, thank goodness. Have I not? No.

1:12:15I had a friend named Terry that I wouldn't go with him anyplace. I don't do it a lot, but I mean, if somebody's just being ridiculous, yeah, I'm going to do it. Inappropriate. Not inappropriate. Yeah. And I don't yell. I'm just like, hey, let's go. Come on. You're holding up the line. Or the idiot on the plane that has to run up to the front. I'm like, hey, dude, where's the fire? That's not yelling, but I'll say something. I'm the confrontational guy. I'll say something. I try to take a couple beats before I say something. I do not. Okay. Appropriate time to tell the person to move along. You know who doesn't get in fights on planes? I don't get in fights. But I will let somebody know. Not luck. I'll let somebody know. M1's smartest guy from Bankers Hill. Are you there? What's up? I know. That one's bad. That one is bad. I know.

1:13:19Yeah. No, I didn't say on the regular. I want to put a cow catcher on the front of my Oldsmobile. I know. It is bad. It's a habit I'm trying to break. But the texting in line. Because is your time more important than my time? No. Do you do it on the reg in line? No, I'm not standing in line in the reg. Do you know you go to places? You're standing in line at a grocery store? Yeah, I guess so. But this was like a monstrous line. So I was like, oh, I have plenty of time. And I got a text from my bag and I looked at it and I started to answer it. It wasn't like I was just like, oh my gosh, just sitting there texting the entire time I was in the store. Yeah. Oh, I'm with you, L.O.B. I think it's wrong for somebody to say to somebody, hey, genius, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, the genius part. But I think it would be okay had he been like, excuse me, ma'am, you're up. And I said to him, sorry. And I would have said sorry if I had held up the line. But for him to call you a genius, that's pretty weak. But maybe he's just a smartass like me. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it. My wife, Rebecca, is on the line. Hi, honey. Hi. Hi, guys. Hi.

1:14:25What the heck just happened? I did not do that. Hey, Jay, Jay, Jay. Is that you or is that me? We just hung up on Rebecca. Hi, Rebecca. Let me try again. Make sure I'll call her back. Yeah, I just put her on hold. I know, but I was talking to her. And then it hung up and went to another line. Huh, that's weird. That is weird. She's like, what did I do? Yeah. I don't like your tone, Rebecca. Yeah. She's got such a mean tone, doesn't she? Hi. I must have hit the button. I don't know. Hi. Hi, hon. It's my fault. Hi. Oh, it's her fault. So, I was thinking, I'm sure you don't remember this, but I was actually on the phone talking to you at the time. I was standing at a store that has a line, kind of like at Fry's, where it's like one line and then it's like the queue or whatever. Yeah. And it was a super... Was that at the foods place? It was at HomeGoods. HomeGoods. Oh, yeah. Same deal. Yeah.

1:15:30I mean, I've never seen... You're going to think I'm exaggerating. 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Forever. So, you know, you guys know me. I'm so busy. I have, like, zero time. So I'm multitasking. I'm standing in a 20-minute line, and I'm like, oh, I'll call, you know, hubby. So we're talking, and... I get to the front of the line, and I'm kind of like in that place where I'm like, okay, got to wrap it up, got to wrap it up, you know? Right. And Mikey's telling you about man versus something on the phone, and you can't get off the phone. Anyway, so all of a sudden behind me, I hear, cell phone. No! Wow. And I'm like, oh, I felt two inches. He called you cell phone. Yeah, it was a lady. A lady. Oh, my gosh. Cell phone. You're like, yes, thank you very much. This is a cell phone. She was so mean, but at the same time... In defense to mean lady, yeah. In defense to mean lady, you know who doesn't get... I know. Hey, I would have been annoyed too. However, I wouldn't have done that. There's a way to handle things. That ain't it. And here's the thing. I won't... If I'm on my phone...

1:16:46I'll stand outside of a store and finish my conversation before I'll even walk in the store. And if somebody calls me while I'm in a store, I usually just don't pick up because I'm like, I'm in a store. I don't want everybody else to hear my conversation. I was texting. Yeah. I was texting. Yeah, that's sad. That's really sad. I can't believe you did that. And the lady that yelled at me cell phone, she was probably at the back of the line. Cell phone! I love it. You think that lady's ever bossy? Yeah. Oh, man. You think that lady tells people how she feels? You think girls are ever bossy, period? Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Maybe she just had Tourette's and she was just yelling out what she saw. Cell phone. Cell phone. Register. Wow. Wow. Thank you, honey. I love it. Great story. Love you. Love you. M1 Tea Party from Temecula. Hey, what's going on? Mike and Cheryl. What up? Hey, so this weekend, Chargers game, my wife and I went to Ikea during the game. We got there about halftime, and you've been down to Ikea down there by Qualcomm Stadium. It's crazy. You can spend all day in there. Yeah. We left during Chargers traffic, and my wife's patience level is very, very thin. Yeah. And people were cutting us off, and I've never seen a grown woman cuss. And, yeah, I thought she didn't get it. One person threw their cigarette out their window into the brush, and she flipped out on them. Oh, yeah. Hanging out the window, yelling, I'm sinking in my chair. Oh, my gosh.

1:18:09Can you get audio of that next time, please, and send it to me? That's great. I've counted. I've counted, but I haven't said anything. I haven't said anything, but I have counted. But I've done this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. I'm a sire. That's my bit. Dude, I had a friend, Terry, that I stopped going places with him because it was almost like he was looking for it. Yeah. But Terry was inappropriate no matter what. It was an inappropriate guy. He was the guy. You know what else his bit was? He would have female. Well, in general, he thought that girls liked him that didn't like him. Weird. Yeah. In general, he thought that they were giving him a vibe. They were never giving him a vibe. Oh, boy. And he would have female roommates that he thought were giving him a vibe. They were not giving him a vibe. He's vibe guy. He's vibe guy. And so he would tell me, oh, yeah, Sarah's a total B. And I'd be like, why? He goes, dude, that girl wants it so bad.

1:19:26I know this guy. Yep, I do too. And he goes, and I finally made my move, and she was like, what? And I'm like, really? And I go, Terry, how many times, bro? And he's like, it's so different. Yeah. It's obvious, dude. It's obvious. It's so obvious. I don't think that's the, I think she was making toast and said good morning. Yeah. She's not throwing vibes at you, dude. Oh, man. Oh, man. She's not wearing a t-shirt that says. I want you. I want it. I want it real bad for you. Uncle Sam pointing right at him. Yeah, with Uncle Sam. With her face, Uncle Sam, her face, going, I want you to want me. That's right. And he would yell at people in line. That was his thing. Girls like me when they don't. What a D. And I'll inappropriate yell at people in line. But he was one of the funniest guys. The same guy that did the 80s dance. The Dancing in the Dark. Dancing in the Dark. Brilliant. But he was always that guy. M1, Sean from San Diego. I love it. I'll be like at Costco and line up the food court waiting to get food and be like two or three people behind and somebody's just not paying attention in front and it's usually three or four people behind and say, hey, it's your turn trying to get your reaction out of you. I ask that to me when there are three or four people behind me and I just think it's hilarious and they've never got in front yet. Yeah. And so will you talk to them? Will you say something to them?

1:20:55Yeah, I'll say, hey, you know, you must be in such a hurry. Why don't you come up in front of all these other people and get in front of me and here, go ahead. Oh, wow. They're behind three or four people, you know, just awkward as all. Get out and, you know, everyone's looking at them now and it kind of throws it right back in their court. Have you done the bit, and I've done it, at the red light when I've been, and I'll, hey, I text the whole bit, so I'll be sitting at the red light. It'll change. and the guy does the instant honk behind you, I'll just creep. I go as slow as I'll idle through the light. That's like fuel for a fire. Just throw a little gas on it. You know who doesn't get road raged? You know who doesn't get shot in the back of the head? That's what happens. That's pretty drastic. I'll take my chances. It's such a good bit. Are you in a hurry, buddy? Don't let me slow you down. Yeah, don't let me slow you down. Emma and Amanda from PB, you there? Yes, hi. You're calling about my roommate, Terry, or you're calling my old friend, Terry, or you're calling about your roommate? My roommate. What's the deal? I actually have a male roommate also, and we've lived together for about a couple years now. He's openly admitted to having a crush on me and everything, and I'm just not interested. Over the weekend.

1:22:17We were sitting watching a movie, had a couple cocktails, got a little drunk, and we started kissing. Nice. Very nice. For him. Woods' quote is nice, comma, very nice, period. And so what happened? Well, it was a mistake on my part. Like I said, I'm not interested. And now ever since, he's just giving off these vibes. Like, he has the idea that we're now together. together and some things don't work out. Sounds like Terry. Yeah. Sounds like Terry. Well, in this case, he'd be like, well, of course she wants me. She'd kiss me. See, and no girls actually ever kissed Terry. You know, he always, he thought they wanted to. That's great. But Amanda, you actually did kiss him. Yes.

1:23:10Now, when you say accident, I'm assuming that means that you tripped over a bunch of books and your lips met. Because that's an accident to me, okay? That's an accident. But if you make out with somebody, that's on purpose generally. She regretfully made out with them. She regretfully made out with them. We've all done it. That's a better word. We've all done it. Raise your hand if you've done it. I've done it. 100%. I've done it. Will's got his hand up. Jay's got his hand up. Jay's got both hands and feet up. The city of San... The five. Interstate five has their hand up. Okay, so you did. And is it awkward? It's very awkward because I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to be rude. And I have to live with the guy. Yeah. I got it. What? It just came to me. What? I know what she should do. What? Bring another dude home. Done. Oh, gosh. This is a mess. Even if he's just a friend. Pretend to be my boyfriend. Pretend to be all into him. This is why it's a mess. It's a mess. This is a mess. It's a huge mess. This is a mess. Or be like, hey, what's your roommate's name? You don't have to say.

1:24:16Yeah, don't say. Yeah, they don't have to say. Be like, hey, Joe roommate, I have a question about guys. Oh. There's this guy at work I like. That's so obvious. That's so obvious. I would say just have sex with him and get that right off the plate. Oh, gosh. It's just like roommates with benefits. Oh, boy. And you're being inappropriate. Oh, that's unbelievably inappropriate. You don't want to do that. I mean, you already made a mistake. You suggest the honest route, Mike? Yes. Of course. Yes, of course. No, bring another guy home. It'll work like a charm. Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember. Won't the little white lie spare him some of his feelings? Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember. She's going to have to be like, hey, listen, I wish I never made out with you. No, you don't say that. You don't say that. What does she say? You say this. You say listen. We had a couple of drinks the other night, and we kissed, and it probably shouldn't have happened. Okay, I'm on board with that. You guys love to hear that. When you say it like that, I'm on board. It probably shouldn't have happened, and we're roommates, and it crossed a line. My fault. How has he been acting? Why do you think that he now thinks you guys are a couple?

1:25:36Oh, we should do dinner and a movie or something one night. My skin's crawling. You have to nip that in the bud. Good morning, hon. Morning, hon. You have to nip it in the bud. Better lock your door, kid. Does he call you that? What? It's a couple times since that's happened. Not on a regular basis, but a couple times. Can you picture him waking up and he's got breakfast in bed for her? Hey, you. I got fresh squeezed orange juice. Hey, you makes my skin crawl. Hey, you. What you doing in here? Sleepy head. You look like you need a back rub. Yeah. Come here. Let me rub your feet for you. Wakey, wakey. That's what boyfriends do. I rub your feet. You wake up and he's three inches from your face and he goes, Hi, baby. Good morning, Angel. Then I'll be freaked out. Wakey, wakey.

1:26:38Hi, sweetheart. Babe. You look so peaceful when you sleep. I've been watching you sleep all night. Good morning, sexy. Wake up. It's so peaceful. Finally. Sweetheart. Yo, please. Finally. Finally you wake up. Gross. Maybe just move out. Sorry, Amanda. Yeah, Amanda, maybe just pack your stuff before it gets over from work. I like your bike's approach. I thought you were going to sleep till noon. You're finally awake. What are we going to do today? There she is. There's my baby. There's my baby waking up. Creepy. There she is. We're all itching. I'm coming out of my skin. I'm coming out of my skin. That's why I never have lived with a girl. I never would do it. I've lived with guys, but I've never crossed the line. That's called a parasitic hookup. Yeah. In my case, I wouldn't have lived with a girl that wasn't attractive back in the day. I just wouldn't have. Are you kidding? That's the safest thing to do. Well, I know. Yeah. Yeah, the kid was always real safe about stuff. Used my head a lot. I would have found the hottest girl to live with so that I could hook up with her down the road. Oh, my gosh. I never did. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. My advice for you is to always tell the truth and to tell the truth. And my other advice to you is, and don't listen.

1:28:01This is just good common sense. If you are living with a guy and he's in any way attractive and you know he likes you and you don't feel the same way, moving forward, drinks are not the best idea. Yeah, together. Yeah, I figured that out now. Hindsight's 20-20, kid. For sure. But I would say sooner rather than later because the longer it goes, the more he's going to start proposing. Bringing home flowers. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Amanda. Oh, poor Amanda. Good luck. Oh, wow. She's toast. Oh, gosh. That makes me so uncomfortable just thinking about it. Hi, babe. Hey, you. Hi, gorgeous. There's my special lady. Yeah, there she is. Oh, there she is. Pretty girl. Look who's waking up. I got us a puppy. Oh, God. You want to go get breakfast? Oh, gross. Oh, my gosh. I'm skeeving myself out. So I got that audio of Paris Hilton, and I will play that for you next. Maybe I looked at art at Z Gallery for 20 minutes yesterday. Maybe. All right, I did.

1:29:57Maybe that was after leaving Sir LaTaube at Cook's Paradise. You know how I know you're gay? You know how to properly pronounce Sir LaTaube. Because you went to Sir LaTaube. Whatever that is. It's Cook's Paradise. Yeah, Cook's Paradise. Alright. What? Oh, man. Did I start piping on you to sound like a real man? What, dude? I was looking at knives, man. See your throat. Need a new knife sharpener. Yeah, dude, I needed a knife sharpener. I don't know. I thought there was jock itch spray in there. Word of the day is painting. Sir Latab. Sir Latab. My wife thinks jock itch is a bit, by the way. It is. They always itch. She thinks it's a bit.

1:30:47It's not a bit. She thinks it's a bit. It is a bit. They always itch. She says you just have scratchy nether regions. I don't know, but, well, because when I play ball, even when I play softball, I wear a jock and cup to protect the boys, play infield, you know? Right. I don't want to take one off the boys. And I get home, and I'm like, oh, you know, just dying. And she's like, really, with this thing you're doing now? I'm like, what? I was wearing a jock for six hours today. Is this like chafing? I go, honey, they wouldn't make. That's right. Jockage spray? Right. I think you just like having your hand on your pants. Yeah. It's like a fungus, isn't it? I don't know. It is. Is it a chafing or is it a fungus? I think it's a fungus. Yeah, there's a difference, Woodsy. Yeah. It just itches from wearing it and he keeps it all tight and everything. Yeah, you need Blue Star Ointment if you've got real jockage. How do you know? Jockage, ringworm, psoriasis. She gets it all the time. Remember that commercial? Oh my gosh. We need to discuss that because I need to find out if that's... A fungus. It's a fungus. I don't have a fungus on my junk. No, I know you don't. That's why I'm saying you're thinking you have something you don't. So, yeah, because I always throw powder and stuff down. Gold bond? Gold bond, baby powder. I use something called Bala. Imagine that. Yeah, B-A-L-L-A. Comes in three. Bala. Hey, big Bala. Hey, big Bala. Yeah. Where do you put that on, yo? Bala?

1:32:15It's great, though, if you're a fella. I like the gold bond, though. I've always been a big fan. I bet you'd like this more. Bring me some. I'll get you a can of it. All right. Is it cream? Nope. It's powder. Powder. Okay. This stuff, I'll never be without it. You get it on grooming? Groominglounge.com. And my brother told me about it, as any good older brother would do. Absolutely. And they have original. And they have tingle. Original and Uber again. For your pleasure. And extra crispy. For your pleasure. Extra crispy. Extra crispy. I get tingle. Why do you look at tingle? Of course you do. So you know it's working? Wait, wait, wait. Because it just feels good. You don't do anything. It's not for, like, physical activity. I was going to say. You know what it is? Are you wearing a jock? No. That's not what it's for. It's for your man panties. It's everything.

1:33:15Your maroon man panties get a little tight. I threw the maroon underwear that I had away because you made fun of it. Oh, boy. This is a daily after shower thing. And what it does, it keeps you dry and it keeps you fresh all day long. It doesn't matter if you're jogging out in the Sahara Mojave Desert. This is a preventative measure. Yeah, it's to keep you nice and fresh. Okay. And it does, man. More than likely. More than likely, it will. I'm just telling you. Not a drastic measure. It's just a preventative measure. That's all. 570-1949. All right. Finally, I'll give you the audio of Paris Hilton admitting that she was in possession of cocaine. What did you do on August 27, 2010, within Clark County, Nevada, that causes you to plead guilty to Mississippi? I danced. That's my asshole. I was in possession as well as telling the officer that the bag wasn't lying in the purse. All right. Now, first of all, as to the possession, what did you possess? Oh, boy. Cooking. Now, this must be because an attorney told her, you have to do this because if you don't, they have a case. It's called a plea bargain. Yeah. If you don't tell them the truth, they got you and it'll be worse, which means she had to say,

1:34:49That's what I tell them. I've never heard of somebody in felony possession of narcotics getting probation for somebody with offenses, like previous offenses. That's weird to me. Yeah, and it's so strange. I don't even remember why she went to jail last time. DUI. DUI, yeah. DUI. And probation violation, I think. There's more. I'm going to warn you, Ms. Hilton. You've now been sentenced to one year in the Clark County Detention Center. Clark County Detention Center is not the Waldorf historian, but I assure you that if you violate the terms of your probation, you will serve one year in the Clark County Detention Center. Treat this very seriously. Do you understand me? Yes, Your Honor. Anything else? Nope. I'll tell you what. I read the terms. Not going to be easy. What, what, what, what? $2,000 fine, which is, you know, pocket change for her. And then, like, I think I want to say $1,000. Let me check.

1:35:48Can I check? Yeah, because I want to know. I want to know because I read them. All I know is I read them and I went, oh, there's no way. You know she's going to drop the ball on one of these things. She is. And I'm going to find it for you, like, right now. The word of the day is painting. So when you hear me between now and 10 o'clock cleverly work the word painting into a sentence, caller 9 gets floor tickets to see Muse. Muse. There's five people on the show, although our news girl, Sienna, is out. She is. On maternity leave. Miss her to death. I do, too. I'm Mikey. I'm the host. Woodsy's our sports guy. L.O.B. is our assistant producer, and Jay is our producer. She's got 200 hours of community service. Okay. It's a long time. I did 24, and it took me about six months. So she and she. She has to do all 200 hours or she'll be in trouble. Yep, and she has to do also a substance abuse program and counseling. A substance abuse program and counseling. And it's going to be really tough with her 9-to-5 job to get out there and do all that stuff every day. I guess all she's got is time, right? Seriously. But, you know, it's these girls and...

1:37:06These Hollywood folks, they don't really take this stuff seriously a lot, but it sounds like, from what that judge was saying, if she doesn't, she's toast. A year in Clark County. He's not messing around. Clark County, where's that? Vegas. Vegas, baby. Vegas. How many times did we say that this weekend? 150. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Here's Bill Clinton talking about his new son-in-law. What's his deal? You like the guy? Yeah, I've known him since he was in high school. He and Chelsea were the closest of friends for half their lives. They never even went out until about three years ago. And they either fell madly in love or realized they always had been and just didn't know it. But it's a wonderful thing because they know each other so well. They went through all those tough high school years, all those college years as very, very close friends. and it's quite wonderful to see them together and see the relationship they have. I feel very blessed. It's so odd. Is that door closed, Jay? It still comes through that loud? Yeah. They've got to put a seal around that window of some sort. They do. We have a door that separates phone screener from Jay's office, and you can still hear it through that door really loud. I'm surprised. It's really the window.

1:38:37Between your part of the building that you're in and the wall, I can see straight through into your office. Really? Yeah, right here. Oh, that's not good. No. That's not good. But anyway, you know somebody for that long, and you're good, good friends with them, and it takes that long for one of you guys to drop the hammer? It's like our caller this morning. I know, but that's a long time. He actually scored on the first date, Mike. It wasn't that big a deal. The first one? The first date. That's your daughter you're talking about. Still got the dress. Yeah. Like daughter, like father. Are you all right, L-O-B? I got a little tickle in my throat. I don't know what's happening. I'm sneezing. I'm allergic to something in this room. The whole thing's falling apart. Oh, gosh. I'm going to let her knock. Let her knock? Let her keep knocking. Is that EBW? Eskimo Blue Waters, yeah. Wow, she's strong. Quit. Come in. You're kidding me. What's the matter? First of all. You know, let me tell you something, Eskimo. Every time you come in here, your first words are always. Always. First of all, you're so angry when you come in. Yeah. Do you want me to go down the list?

1:40:14What do you have to be upset about? You're a musician. You should be happy. I've been standing outside since 3 a.m. You have so much talent. You're a ventriloquist. Yeah. You're a singer-songwriter. Yodeler. You yodel. Yes, I do rapera. You do rapera? Rock opera. You have ESP powers. Yes. You are a fortune teller that reads poems. Yes. Graphic designer. Graphic designer? Yeah. Photographer. My webcam. Yeah, you took a picture of yourself with your webcam. That's now, you're a photographer? Look at the composition, Mike. You don't just luck out there. It's a picture of you through your webcam. Yeah, and I'm on the bottom right-hand corner. What does that mean? It means I use the rule of thirds. Okay. Wow. Eskimo went to college, you know, she's learned some things. And so she's got beautiful composition, I just learned, on her photographs that she takes on her computer. Overall, I just like to call myself an artist. Yeah, you really are. That will kind of cover it all. I'm not going to walk in and be like, Hi, I'm Eskimo Blue Waters. What do you do, Eskimo? Oh, I'm a musician. I'm a photographer. I'm a graphic designer. I'm a ventriloquist. Eskimo, just to pull the curtain back a little bit, Eskimo.

1:41:43is her stage name. Obviously. Her real name is Judy Douche. Judy Douche. Judy Douche, and you know it. Douche. Yeah. She says, because it's spelled D-O-U-C-H-E. With an accent on the E, thank you very much. An accent on the E. Yeah. So it's douche. No, it's douche. Do you speak French? Douche. Douche. Anyway, nice digs you got here. It's beautiful, isn't it? Yeah. I noticed there's four desks out there, plus your little palace in there. I didn't exactly see a desk for me. Of course there's not a desk for you. You waited outside five hours. Well, yeah, and my apprenticeship is up. And so I trust that you're going to go to bat for me with Garrett. What does that even mean? You know what it means. I don't know what it means. There's only four mics in here, but I'll take Sienna's for now if it's cool. No, it's not cool. It isn't cool. It isn't cool. It isn't cool. Okay, well then you talk to engineering and get something squared away. I'll do that. She wants her own mic. Yes. Yeah. Part of the show. She waited outside for five hours to get into the building. Yeah, the building opens at eight. And she thinks she might have a desk. Yeah, and a mic. I put time into this show.

1:43:03And she's calling my, I've got a small office. It's pretty small. It's a small office. Yeah. And she calls it my palace. That'd be small in New York City. That's about the only place that'd be small. Wow. I'm going to New York City, you know. What are you doing? I go talk to the mosque people. You're going to go talk to the mosque people? No, no, no. They're not the mosque people. What are they? They're... They're Muslims. Well, the people involved with the mosque. Yeah, the Ground Zero Mosque. Yes, that's right. There's a lot of controversy. The Cordoba building. Sure. Yeah. Well, I heard that Iman was involved with it, so I figured I'd go there, you know, woman to woman, model to model, really. Model to model. No, no, no, no. Yeah. It's the Iman. Iman. It's Iman, the one that was in the Michael Jackson video. Yes. And I figured she's got connections with this. No, it's not. It's the imam. It's not Iman, the model. David Bowie's wife, right? It's not David Bowie's wife. It's not? No. What's an imam? It's the Muslim people.

1:44:11The Muslim people. The mosque people that you said? Mausoleum. No. No. The Muslims. Not Muslims. The Muslims. You're not Hoyle. It's not Muslims. Yes, it's Muslims. Muslims. They have an imam that's one of their- I don't have internet. Chief. And TV. Yes. I know you don't, but- I just had the radio. I'm going off of your show, bro. I understand. Fair enough. So is that why you're doing a national anthem? What is that about? I'm going to rewrite it. You're going to rewrite it. I did rewrite it. You did rewrite it. Why would you need to rewrite it? It's perfect. To call attention, raise awareness. Raise awareness. Yeah. Okay. So when you raise awareness, what will then happen? People will be aware of who I am. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm getting it. It's what you're doing. This is called exploitation. Right. You're taking advantage. No. of something that's happening in the next. It's like the guy, the pastor down in Florida, Terry Jones, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude took advantage of a situation to make a name for himself. Now everybody knows who that clown is. Okay, but America, we're getting a bad rap, right? Okay. Yeah, okay. So this song is all about, oh, we're not so bad. Okay. And it's kind of about, like, what we're about. I can get behind that. All right. She's wearing dark glasses. As you know, she wears a straw cowboy hat. Cowboy hat.

1:45:32jeans, beat up cowboy boots that I'm relatively certain she scuffed herself. She's got a faded. Oh, this is from Kicking the Dirt. She's got a faded tattoo that looks either like it was done in jail, which I doubt, or she drew it on. No, it's a temporary tattoo. I just wish she would bathe when she stands out here in my office. What? I smell fine. You smell fine to me? Patchouli. Sounds like patchouli. It smells like patchouli oil. Maybe you should stop dropping bombs in there today. Pop calling the kettle black. You were not kicking the dirt in those. Yes, I was. On purpose. Well, then why are all the scuffs in an exact straight line? I was kicking the stupid door down to your stupid office to let me in. I got you. You want me to play your music? Yeah, now this is... It's on cassette. Yeah, well, I composed it with my Casio. It's a MIDI file. Got it. You know, it's an older, I played around with this, gosh, really when I was a prodigy, back when I was like five or six. Protégé? About 35 years ago. Protégé, that's it. Protégé, whatever. Protégé, protégé, whatever. And I'm going to do it in this style, a little bit of my rapper style. Do I just press play on the cassette player? Yeah, come on, you already forget. Here we go.

1:46:59That I am behind 100%. Not bad. You missed my first line. I was laughing so hard. Well, the first line was the most important part, and I don't know what you did when you pushed play, but you cut it off. I have to rewind. I have to press the rewind. Yeah, it wasn't queued up. button here. On the cassette. My first line was... Can you start it again? Let me rewind it. Here we go. Alright. Do I just press... Oh, I ejected it. Great. Hang on. This place. Nice new studio. It's a cassette player. It's a cassette tape. Should I just tell you what it is? No, I'll play it. We're not a bunch of racist guys.

1:48:49Okay, we got it. Thank you. I got that the first time. I got it the first time. Not bad, huh? Do you want your cassette back? Pass it on to Garrett. Pass it on to Garrett. Yeah, he'll put it in and play music. Right. You'd have to be there to sing it for him. Right, I can do that. What's the name of that song? America the Beautiful. Right. No, it's called... It's untitled. It's just national anthem for now. It's America the Beautiful. It's America the Beautiful. No, it's not. You never heard that song? No. Oh, Beautiful. It's a pretty song. For spacious skies. You have to go. Yes, but can I plug one quick gig? What? I'm going to be providing a live soundtrack to a puppet show at the Little Gym this Sunday. Wait, wait, wait. You're doing the soundcheck to make sure the mics work? No, no, no. The soundtrack. Soundtrack. Live soundtrack. Live soundtrack. Yeah. For what? A puppet show. It's a puppet show at the Little Gym this Sunday. Little Gym. In La Mesa. Got it. It starts at 10. Got it. And it'll go as long as the kids don't get too fussed. Okay. Oh, boy. I think you guys like that. I'm pretty happy. Yeah, that was good. Oh, that was really good. I can post the lyrics to my blog if you want. Yeah, maybe do that. I don't know how people will find that. A blog? Yeah, your blog, but maybe... Brilliant. Maybe do that.

1:50:12What do you think of this when you hear this song? I like it. I think of Fast Times at Richmond High. Of course. You know, yesterday we talked about Christine O'Donnell. How, you know, she's running for Senate in Delaware. She's on record. She was on record from years and years ago saying that she had dabbled in witchcraft. People are making a big deal out of it, playing the tape, whatever. And she's responded to that story. And she's responded to the whole thing. We have audio of what she said next. Let's see. What are the... I think it's something you're drinking. I think it's something you're drinking. What do you mean? Your face kills me. You just... Well, what... What are the... Well, L.O.B.'s got a cough going on, and I don't know... It's coughing, it's sneezing, sniffling, red eyes. Stuff you had fever. So you can rest medicine. So you can rest medicine. It sounds when my wife does the thing that I call the fake cough.

1:51:38The clearing of the throat? And she says, it's not fake, dear. Yeah. Yeah. It hurts. L.O.B. every morning does the thing where she puts her mouth in her elbow and goes. That's not what it sounds like. Oh, I do not do that. Dude, watch out. Oh, stop it. I go like this. Well, what are you drinking? Right now I'm drinking coffee. I wonder if that's it. It could be it. You put cream in there? Yeah. That's it. There's no water in here yet, so I can't lubricate the pipes. It's coming today. The dairy gets you gunky. Gunky? Yeah. No. Yeah, it does dairy. I didn't have my coffee until recently, though. I was doing it all morning. I was sneezing. It's a stupid allergy, I think. I'm itchy everywhere. Maybe get some Claritin. I don't want to take drugs.

1:52:41Witch Hazel. What? I think that's for cuts. Tonight there is no 8 o'clock album. There is. There is, but we haven't been updated yet. What is it? I don't know. We haven't been updated yet. It's, let's make one of the views. It's Starsky and Hutch, the soundtrack to the movie Starsky and Hutch. See if it's on our website. Check your email, pal. Sorry, Garrett. That's our program director, Garrett. I sent it to you, Mike. Check your email every once in a while. No, look, he hasn't even updated it on the website yet. Garrett, it's your fault. It isn't my fault. I sent it to Mike. Garrett, who are you going to go see tomorrow night? News! Where are you sitting? They're breaking up into cities. I was going to be in Boston, but I got upgraded to a better section. Where? Detroit! You going to catch him on any more dates this tour? Yeah, 22nd of November. Where? Seattle! Garrett, who do you think is the most influential person in radio you've ever worked with? Mikey! I was thinking... Scott Shannon. No, I don't know. We'll find the 8 o'clock album for you. It's not listed yet. We'll get it. Lady Gaga. She's all over TV again. She was at a...

1:54:14She did this whole speech the other day that we played, and I guess she spoke again. How does she get to do that? Because I'm Lady Gaga. Is that how? People just ask me to do things, and I'm like, okay, as long as I can put my Gaga stamp on it. But Lady Gaga, you're like with a microphone and a podium even. Yeah, I get asked to speak out. I'm Gaga. How come you always sound so apathetic, like you don't care? I don't know. It must be the man holding me down. But you do care, but you sound like you don't care. I care. I care. You do care. I'm really, I'm tired. Let's listen to some of your speech. I am here today because I would like to propose a new law. She sounds like your drunk cousin Renee. At a family reunion. Yeah, you're at a family reunion and she stands up. She's real cute. Yeah.

1:55:16And she's got a glass of white wine in her hand. And she goes... I am here today because I would like to propose... A toast. To Uncle Joe. To Uncle Joe and Aunt Judy. Kiss. Kiss, you guys. You know what? Since we're talking about it, I just want to say... Aunt Judy used to buy me beer when I was 14. That sends home the soldier that has the problem. And they cheer. Thank you. Thank you for making the noise, Woods, that's happening in all of our heads. Our new law is called, if you don't like it, go home. If you don't like gays in the military, then go home. Okay, well then, yeah, maybe a drill sergeant will be like, okay, I'm going home. How about we get out of our meat suits? Yeah. And we get out of Fantasyland? Why don't you take that T-bone off? And how, isn't your favorite thing as a viewer like, there should be a law that says, like, if I want to drink and drive, I can friggin' drink and drive. It's America. That's not what she's saying. But I know, but it's like, I'm really gonna listen to Lady Gaga telling me what laws I need to listen to? Yeah. Come on.

1:56:50You can't take Lady Gaga seriously. Get on stage. Go do your thing. I can't take you seriously. You just wore a meat suit. Yeah. For disrupting the military. She's saying all this dress like a pelican. She's got her big pelican hat on. Big pelican hat. You see her face through the open pelican's mouth. She's got a fish hat on. Through the beak and the fish hat. You are not committed to perform with excellence as a United States soldier because you don't believe in full equality. Go home. I don't get it. Go home. Maybe she follows her own advice. Yeah. She's an overhead. If you are not honorable enough to fight without prejudice, go home. If you are not capable of keeping your oath to the armed forces to defend the Constitution. Oh, boy. That doesn't sound good.

1:58:04It's not as pleasing to the ear as let's dance. Or poker face. Or poker face. What if she were to say, if you're not honorable enough, then go home. Go home. That'd be brilliant. Yeah. It's going to be okay. Yeah, it's going to be okay. That's your instrument. I know. Stop screaming. Stop it. true faith and allegiance to do the same. When she finishes the sentence, I want there to be a pregnant pause and somebody to go, you're screaming. You're screaming. She sounds like that dude from Ohio that was running for treasure. Yeah. Everyone's standing there going, oh God, she's really upset. She's really, really going for it. I don't know what we're yelling about. Unless there's a gay soldier in my unit, then go home. No.

1:59:07Exclamation point. Fantasy land. Fantasy land. Why is it fantasy land? Because it's like, yeah, okay, here's what we're going to have. Hey, man, I really don't feel comfortable with this gay guy working. Okay, pack your stuff. You're leaving. That's a fantasy. Go home. It's a fantasy. Well, I kind of get the spirit of what she's saying. Oh, you can't concentrate because you're worried about what somebody else is doing? Why don't you keep your eyes on your own paper and just go fight? You know, I get the spirit of it. You know who I'll listen to on it? Barack Obama. Yeah. Not Lady Gaga. Yeah. Barack Obama can tell me all day, hey, man, this is what we're going to do. Okay, you're the president. Lady Gaga? Who's next? Justin Bieber? Yeah, she should have her opinion, but I don't want to hear this much from her. Justin Bieber, maybe. Let's listen to him on domestic and foreign policy. Well, she's got a big gay following, so she's trying to speak for them. What about the Jonas Brothers? What do they think about it? Oh, man, I think it'd be absolutely relevant to hear what they think about it. I have, you know. Where is she standing, I wonder? Like, is this, like, in front of the White House? Or is this, like, in a meat truck? It was in Hillcrest. Butcher shop. Yeah. She's hung up on one of those hooks. Equality is the prime rib of America. Equality is the prime rib of America. Listen to that. She's really in a meat. She loves meat. She should open a Lowry's prime rib shop. Gay men are the porterhouses of the military. Mm-hmm.

2:00:37Oh, the Rump Rose. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Let me out. Let me out of here. Get the hell out of here. Nice one, Jay. I liked it. I know from experience. Yeah. I know a guy who knows. Who knows this other guy. Equality is the prime rib. Of what we stand for as a nation. What's the sirloin cut? What's the tri-tip? What's the tri-tip? I'll take a porterhouse. I want mignon. I'm not taking your order right now. You dummies. You think gays in the military are like, shut up. Shut up. No. You think they're like, woohoo. I think they're like, shut up. Shut up, Gaga. Shut up. It's not hurting their cause. It's not helping it. Shut up. Three people are cheering. Yeah, great. Can I go home? Are we still getting paid to stand here? I'm off at four. I have to go to Miller's Outpost because I'm...

2:02:07Hasn't been called Miller's Outpost for four years, but I still work there. Oh, wow. Enough with your fixation of meat. I know. Weirdo. I need my chicken. That guy, I would listen to that guy before I listen to her. Yeah. Nope. We need to save that. Oh, my God. Thousand percent. We need to save that clip. Yes. Maybe the greatest Gaga clip ever. That is awesome. Ever. Ever. You ever mine gold real good? We're going to use that all the time. Oh, wow. No. One brave, one brave person. Woods out in the audience. Nope. Shouldn't everyone reserve. Say it. Say it. Say it.

2:03:20What's that you say? What'd you say, Don? Shouldn't everyone deserve that? Got it. Sorry. Reserve. What? Oh, my God. Is she serious? Yeah. And there, her credibility just goes. What is with the meat? She's into meat. Weirdo. She's really into it. She sleeps on a meat bed. Meat pillow. Don't ask. Don't tell. Or go home. Okay, sure. All right. The diaphragm. That's three people. Way to get that cheer. Look at, Ellevi's got her jaw dropped open like, wow. Do you think that her manager's just like, oh, stop screaming. Stop, stop, stop. Stop it. That is quality. Oh, that is your instrument. Oh, that's bad. Oh, I don't know. Oh, did you hear my throat? Is that what that was? I did that all day yesterday, laying in bed.

2:04:22I was laying on my stomach and my throat kept going glurgle, glurgle, glurgle, glurgle, glurgle, glurgle, glurgle, glurgle. My stomach talks some days. I think my stomach's trying to find its way in this world after surgery. Yeah. It takes everything you got. I'm still just trying to find its way in this world. I used to fake that my stomach was growling when I wanted more food. How would you do it? Let's see if I can get it on the mic. Okay. I would do it in my throat. That's awesome. Who were you faking? My mom. Other mother. Gluttonous kid. I'm so hungry. She'd be like, you just ate. And I'd be like. And another brick falls. That's awesome. Let's see. What have I not given you? Keanu Reeves on another Bill and Ted movie. Oh, please. I don't care. I'm not interested.

2:05:27Here's the Octomom. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make some money to pay the default mortgage. You know, I'll do whatever I can as long as I am fully clothed. She says she will not take her clothes off. Thank God for that. There's a bunch of, you know, there's sickos out there that want to pay her because she's the Octomom to be nude, which I think is... That's filthy. That even makes me sick. Yeah, exactly. I know it's bad. Did you guys know there's a new Hawaii Five-0 on TV that they remade it? And it's on CBS, like brand new show. Those always work well. And they're also showing previews for some new show called The Event that's supposed to take the place of Lost. Oh boy. It's supposed to be like the new Lost. Get Lost. It looks like they're just blatantly ripping it off. You can't just blatantly rip something off. Well, you want to watch a real show. You watch Boardwalk Empire. I do want to see it. I told you to watch it. I have to tape it. It was on about 19 times yesterday, so you could have watched it. Gosh, I watched a little bit. I got a little bored from it. No, come on, dude. Give it a chance. It starts slow, but boy, it heats up at the end. Oh, man, it's good. Stuff that starts slow is tough for me. It's not.

2:06:55You just said it starts slow. A little bit slow. But I was watching it, and I'm sitting here thinking of the gold that we can get from this show. It's like Monopoly, like old-time Atlantic City. Old-time Atlantic City. You're, you know, old stomping grounds that will be down on the boardwalk eating saltwater taffy real good, you know. They say clams for money, and it's the greatest things ever. How much does this load? 20,000 clams. The greatest. Oh, wow. Oh, the music, too, in the back. It's like old-time radio. 1920s. It's great. Uh-huh. Great, great show. I'll try it once. You will try it. Do you know what we'll do? We'll get together every Sunday and watch it together. Yeah, right? Uh-huh. What time does it come on? Five, six. I watch football. Six. Yeah, six at night? Uh-huh. That's not going to happen. I go to bed at 6 p.m. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you record it, and you guys can watch it on Monday at, like, 2? Yeah. Done. So, Christine O'Donnell. is running for Senate in Delaware. And Bill Maher dug up this video of her on the show from years ago where she says she dabbled in witchcraft. And he's playing it and, you know, it's making the rounds and it's a big deal because she's running for Senate and she's actually a real hot ticket. She's got a lot of buzz around her. And to me, she looks...

2:08:24just like Sarah Palin. No. She looks just like Sarah Palin. She's prettier. She doesn't wear glasses like Sarah Palin, but she looks like Sarah Palin. And she kind of does that whole I'm the girl next door kind of routine. Is she juggy? No. She's heavier. She is. A lot of women just got real irritated at YouTube. Why? I just asked if she was juggy. Sarah Palin's juggy. Yeah, I know, but then... Jay said she's heavier and you went, mm-hmm. No, I said I've never seen her. I don't know what she looks like. That's not what you said, though. Oh, no. Did I? I didn't mean to. I've never seen her. Woods will go like this. Woods will go, yeah, the sky is blue. And I'll go, the sky is not blue. I didn't say it was. You just said that it was blue. Rewind the tape. You just said that it was blue. I go, mm. Not mm-hmm. I said, mm. Woods goes, I'm going to the park. You can't go to the park. I didn't say I'm going to the park. Well, you just said that you're going to the park. I didn't say that. I said I'm going to a park. I said I've been to a park before. Really? That's what I said. Put my car in park this morning. I said I put my car in park. I'm going to park your head. So anyway, here's Christine O'Donnell responding to the fact that in 1999 she was on Politically Incorrect saying that she dabbled in witchcraft.

2:09:46That witchcraft comment on Bill Maher. High school. See? Hang out with questionable folks in high school. But no, there's been no witchcraft since. If there was, Karl Rove would be a supporter now. Oh, good joke. Politicians should not do it. Leave it to the pros. There's a reason that you're not at Caroline's. Manhattan right now, Christine. Danger Fields. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. There's a reason why LOB's not running for Senate. Yeah. LOB's a comedian. That's a lot of reasons. A lot of skeletons. Let's see. All right, that's it. Test the money. Goodbye. What do you mean? Short week. Yeah, very short week. Let me pull a topic from the topic jar. We've got a break. Here we've got a break. No. Yes.

2:11:03How about I pull it? I pull the topic from the topic jar and then people can call in. Pick a good one. Random pull. Let's see. We have to do it. All right. No matter what it is. No matter what. This is good. What for dummies book have you read? What for dummies book have you read? Call me right now with the most embarrassing one that you have and that you've read. 570-1949. I have one. We just got all the pictures back of our boys. They were taken by this woman named Renee Hindman. She makes photographs look like a painting. Beautiful picture. It's amazing. She'd be very proud. Oh, man. So cute. I wonder what she could make me look like. I know.

2:12:39I'd like her to put me in a little washboard sink and take a photograph of me. In a little bucket, me and you? Put me and you in a bucket. Done. In little Oshkosh overalls. Oh my gosh. It'd be great. Me and you looking through a picture frame. That's right. Real sweetly. Wow, you guys are a couple. Holding a sunflower. Yeah, holding a sunflower. Me with a big straw blossom hat on. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. Sienna's not here. She's on maternity leave, and that's Jay. And Will is our phone screener. Let's see. FM 94.9's eighth anniversary bash. Do I have the thing on that? Yes. I do. Yeah, that's going to be Saturday night, November 13th. Good stuff. Fourth and B. The Hold Steady, Night Marchers, New Politics. $26 tickets are available now. It's presented by Miller Lite. Very nice. Go see it. It's going to be a good show. What Four Dummies book have you read? M1 Josh from Carlsbad. Josh, you've got to turn that radio down, buddy. That's what an M1 does. You know that. You know that. When you call in, you turn your radio down, you get to the point you don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1. Before we go to the next call, we'll talk to M1 Stephen. Stephen, what was the word of the day? Painting. You got it. Missed it.

2:14:11You missed it again. She makes her pictures look like a painting. Look at you. That's right. So sly. I'm on to you now, pal. You got it. You got it. L-O-B. Right? I got it. Steve got it. That's right. You just won floor tickets to Muse. Muse. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. Hang on the line, Steven. Hang on. Good work. Great work. M1 Anonymous from Vista. You there? Yes, sir. You read What for Dummies? Well, I was stationed in 29 Palms at the time. I had a lot of time to kill. So I decided to pick up Kama Sutra for Dummies. I was like, what is he possibly going to say that he called an anonymous? The Kama Sutra for Dummies? Genius. Oh, wow. It was pretty bad. I learned absolutely nothing. And there were some kind of cheesy drawn graphics in there. It was pretty bad. That's great. Fantastic. Thank you for the call. I read NASCAR for dummies. Oh, boy. Why? I was very into it. Into? NASCAR. You were? Yeah. When? When I was in Dallas. Are you still? I still enjoy the sport, but I don't watch it as much. Sport? Yeah. Easy, Woods. You'll get killed. Yeah, it's considered a sport. You're pulling about a G and a half around those turns. I'm used to it, pal. I'm used to getting killed. Sport. Yeah, Mark Martin.

2:15:38Drives a Viagra car. Number six. Number six. Look at you. Wow. How about that? What's up with you, L.O.B.? The high school athletic trainer that came in. Yeah. He had Mark Martin stuff everywhere. Number six. Number six. Yeah. I was like, what the heck is NASCAR? Yeah. I grew up in New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. There's not a lot of NASCAR. No. But yeah, I read the whole thing. Oh, boy. Somebody gave me grieving for dummies when my dad passed away. And I thought, how wildly inappropriate. I couldn't take the time to read a full book on grieving. I'm just going to get the cliff notes. I'm going to make sure I'm doing it right. Yeah. I want to make sure that I'm doing this properly. The instruction manual to grieve. I wonder if it was anything. Did you browse at all? No. I threw it in the tray. I was so angry. You were angry. I threw it away. I had to read search engine marketing for dummies. And it was. Like reading the instruction manual is the word. Search engine marketing for dummies. SEO, like optimization. SEO and SEM, yeah, for dummies. Oh, that sounds brutal. It was vicious. What about you, LLB? See, mine must have been the ghetto version of for dummies. Dating black guys. No, no, no. Mine was the complete idiot's guide to understanding men and women. Oh, boy. I have it if you want to borrow it, Mike. I've done the...

2:16:56complete idiot's guide, but isn't that different than the dummies? Something for dummies? It's the same thing. It's the same idea, but it's like, you know, it's not called for dummies. I have... I thought this was black and yellow books. Yeah, I have acting for dummies, but then the one that I read that's more embarrassing is understanding men and women. I have a lot of for dummies books. You do? I guess I'm a dummy, and I just have a lot of them. I have directing film for dummies. Oh, wow. I have NASCAR for dummies. Directing films. I have Christianity for dummies. I have reading the Bible for dummies. I have a lot of for dummies. I like them. I do too. I've only read the one. Real easy. Makes it real easy. Key points. I used to enjoy Cliff Notes a lot. Yeah, me too. Also black and yellow books. Yeah. Brilliant. Somebody took the legwork out of all the other boring stuff. Cliff notes were just clutch for writing papers, man. Oh, dude, as an English major, I had to write eight, nine papers a week. Couldn't have done it without them. I went through an intellectual growth spurt a year and a half ago. Went on Amazon and bought seven cliff notes. The Odyssey, Iliad, didn't read one of them.

2:18:13Didn't even read the Cliff Notes? Didn't even read the Cliff Notes. Wow. Some growth spurt. Yeah. My wife was flipping through them the other day. She goes, can I sell these in the garage sale? And I go, no. No. She goes, why? I need those. I go, because I'm going to read those. When? Leave me alone. Don't worry about it. Right after I get done with all these DVDs. Yeah. I'm at a growth spurt. I'm at an intellectual growth spurt. Put Homer down. I have one that's like this. thick it's like two phone books yeah and it's the adobe creative suite because i went through this phase where i was like i'm gonna become a graphic designer and i bought like all these books on amazon on like yeah composition graphic design i'm gonna learn how to speak greek tired head man that gives me such tired head programming manuals oh it's so thick flash for dummies i have so i have so many books that i'm never gonna look at They look cool in my bookshelf. Yeah, I can. I can honestly say that every book on my bookshelf I've read. Yeah. Except for the one you just gave me. You didn't like it. I don't like it. I tried. It's about war. Yeah. It's called A Hard Rain Fell. Mm-hmm. Started okay, and it's just war, war, war, war. I was like, all right, you're in Nam. I get it. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Exactly. Say it again. Say it again. I, about two months ago, got the complete works of Play-Doh.

2:19:40On Cliff Notes? No, it's a book. Big, thick book. I have the abridged Play-Doh one, and I still haven't read that. Did you read some of it? No, none of it. It's not easy reading. None of it. I got a Play-Doh set. It was badass. Made, like, salami and stuff. Yeah, exactly. Crank out sausages. Oh, man, like a madman. M1 truck driver from San Diego. What did you read? VWs for dummies. VWs for dummies. Was it good? It was good. I learned a lot. Yeah. My first car on the road. Yeah. Teach you a lot. Oh, I should read one on like just general auto mechanics. I don't know anything. Yeah. I'd rather slip my own wrist and learn anything about auto mechanics. I am so dead set on finding another book that you'll enjoy as much as you enjoyed 4,000 days. Holy cow. That was a good book. Man, that was a good book. I have some books for you. Man. Yeah, I can't find anything lately. I've been reading magazines. I'll bring one in. Yeah, I'll lose it. I know. Like, I lost his Anchorman, by the way. Can't find it anywhere. He's mad at me. I'm not mad. Jake lent you a movie Anchorman. You cannot find it. You can't find it. You can't find it. It can only be in your house. Exactly. I can't find it. Maybe you check. Unless he lent it out to somebody else. No, I didn't. Or you can't find the case either. The case or the disc. Oh, boy. No idea where it is. Yeah. Talk to Shooter. Yeah. One of my dogs probably took it. That's who I'll blame.

2:21:08Senor Beans is watching it in his little cubby. Is this M1 Sine? Hi, how are you guys doing? Good. Sine is from Oceanside. What did you read? Well, I was cruising the spiritual book section and I was getting the Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching and right next to that I saw Mormonism for Dummies. How appropriate. What were those other ones? What is that of those other ones you said? The Tao Te Ching? Yeah. It's a book on Tao. It's all poems. It's kind of like the Bhagavad Gita. Oh, wow. Mikey, it's just like the Bhagavad Gita. It's like the Bhagavad Gita. I know, the Bhagavad Gita. For sure. So you got the book of Mormonism for dummies? Right. I grew up Mormon, but I thought I needed to brush up on it. You wanted to brush up. Did you find out anything new? No, I just found out it was for dummies. That Hava Nagira sounds made up. I think it's a made up bit. Hava Nagira? No, that's like 5,000 years old. Hey, Sine, you ever been to that Mormon temple on Interstate 5? Beautiful. Yes, I have. You've been inside of it? What's it like? I've been inside of it. When I was 14, I got to do baptisms for the dead. What's it like in that place? It's all white.

2:22:31Really pretty. Kind of sterile. But the bowl that they get baptized in is on 12 life-size golden oxen. Golden oxes? Oxen. I heard that to get married there, the waiting list is like 10 years. You have to be a virgin to get married, so I never quite made it there. Well, I mean, not to be weird, but how do they know? Well, probably because I went and talked to my bishop, and he told me that premarital sex was the next sin worth to killing somebody. Where does it say that in the Bible? It's the Book of Mormon. So I said, well, I guess I'm not going to be Mormon anymore. Well, wait a minute. I mean... So, okay, so he told you that, and you basically admitted it or something? Well, my mom sent me. I was like 15 years old and, you know, told her I had sex. And so she sent me to the bishop to talk to him. Got it. And he had told me to read all these books, and I did. And he said, well, if you repent, my understanding of repentance means you're not going to do it again.

2:23:44And I said, well, I really can't repent because I'm pretty sure I'm going to have premarital sex again. Well, you're going to hell. You're very bold. So are the men in black going to show up at your house now that you've told us what the temple looks like? I don't know. I hope my mom isn't listening now. Yeah, well. How old are you now? 29. Okay, good. I thought maybe you were 16. Now, does the Book of Mormon say that? Book of Mormon does not say that. There's like, you know, the prophet tells them all this stuff. Oh, okay. John Smith? John Smith. No. There's a, in the Mormon religion, I found this out from doing a little research, from the Mormon religion, if I understand correctly, in the state of Utah is a prophet, like this big time prophet guy. A living prophet? A living prophet, right? Yep. Yeah, he lives in Utah. There you go. Did I ever tell you guys my Mormon story? Oh boy. Thanks for the call. Be careful. Why? Did I tell you? No. I was in college and when I was in Holy Cross in South Bend, Indiana and lived in this apartment complex that a lot of students, it was all students actually. And you know, the bit was you left your door kind of cracked all the time. I mean, your boys would come in and out and I had, I had pro procured a marijuana cigarette.

2:25:12And I was sitting cross-legged on my floor playing Nintendo or PlayStation. You're the last guy in the world I would think of to smoke a joint, by the way. Seriously. I know. I mean, as much of a bad boy as he is, he's not really a marijuana guy. He wasn't a big pot guy, but I think it was summer. I was bored or whatever. So I was playing PlayStation and knocking on the door. Hey, yeah, come in. Two of the hottest. hottest girls I've ever seen. Mormons. And they came in. I was so stoked. Jehovah's Witnesses? No, I think they were Mormons. Those are different? Yeah, there's a difference. Well, one's called Mormon, one's called Jehovah's Witness. I don't know what a Jehovah's Witness is. Anyway, they walked into my... I was like, oh God, who are these two broads? They're smoking hot. And I was like, well, yeah, grab a seat. It was a studio apartment. So the bed, everything was right there. So they sat on the bed and I sat cross-legged and listened to their spiel for like an hour. Stoned? Stoned. Oh my goodness.

2:26:13They were so hot. In my mind, I'm like. There are so many things that are wrong with that story. What? I'm sitting there. I'm going. I'm thinking. I'm like. I wonder if I can get them. I wonder if I can get them. Oh, God. I wonder if I can talk them out of it. They were gorgeous. Talk them out of it. Oh, boy. I wonder if I can. I wonder if I can talk them out of it. Yeah. Be like, hey, listen. Oh, weird. Yeah. You guys are here. I'm here. Oh, gosh. I can give you guys a ride. You don't have to ride your bikes. Exactly. Where are you guys walking next? I've had a man. Yeah, you've had a man. Oh, yeah. You had a man when I was there. We didn't get to go have lunch because you had a man. It's perfect. I broke out. I broke out. All kinds of stuff. All kinds of stuff. I was in the other room starving. Hadn't eaten in eight hours. I was like, wait a minute. What about the interlineal Greek to Hebrew? Have you seen? I go, what about this one? I go, honestly. I handed them both the same version of Bible. Turn to page 221. Let's go. Okay. So you follow me on this and you explain. Okay. And then I'm going to go through it with the interlineal and you tell me how this works. These guys are like, oh my, what did we just walk into? What did we walk into? They had looks on their faces like, what is going on? They started making excuses for them to leave. Yeah. Like, hey, you know what? We really got to get running. We got people coming over. We can't ever come back. And so.

2:27:39Oh, man. Oh, yeah. It was an hour and a half. Yeah, yeah. Hour and a half. I was starving. And in the end, they were converted. You won? I know. Listen, I'm being completely honest with you. There were a couple of things that they said that I gave them something to think about. And you could see. I mean, you literally saw wheels going. My wheels were spinning, looking at these two girls, listening to their little spiel all the way in. But I was thinking about it. Hey, John Smith doesn't sound too bad. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. Magic underwear, I'm in. Woods is like, I'd like to discuss what dating is like. You guys are polygamous, right? Right. Could I marry both of you? Both of you. That makes my mouth look weird. I had these guys coming. They came, like, I don't know, maybe six weeks in a row. They'd come. And sometimes, like, I had a roommate, and I'd be like, tell him to go away, because I gave them.

2:28:38I gave them an in the first time. I was like, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm interested. Can you come back another time? So they came. Were you like Woods where they were handsome? No pun intended. What's that? Were you like Woods, they were handsome, and you thought, no, I'll talk to you. No, I just felt bad being like, get out of here. I'm not interested. Beat it. So then finally, I had had enough. So I was like, well, one thing I'm pretty firm on that you should know about is I believe in sex before marriage. Oh, wow. And they were like, well. And they gave me the whole spiel that the bishop gave the last girl. And I was like, yeah, I'm pretty firm on that. And they were like, well, good luck to you. See you later. I mean, imagine the rocks on this girl. One thing that I want you to know that I'm very firm on is I definitely am going to have intercourse before I am married. In fact, I just had it before I entered the door. They're like, oh. But they're like, great, we're all in. Yeah. I know. I thought. I was like, that's the chance I'm going to have to take. I bet you probably spun them out. Yeah, the one didn't say a word and the other one was like... Yeah. Now, see, if I were doing my spiel with you, that wouldn't faze me. If I said that? Yeah, it wouldn't faze me. They were kids. I mean, what are they, like 15? They go on their missions. Yeah, they gotta do that bit where they go around and that whole thing. But what happened is I was hitting them up with a lot of stuff that they were like, huh.

2:29:58And so they said, well, I tell you what, you have a lot of good points. And so we're going to, uh, is it okay if we have somebody else talk with you? And I said, yeah, sure. So they brought, they came back and they brought with them, uh, maca maca. You know, that's what my dad says when he's talking about somebody that's a big time, a big time. Look at he muck. He, my dad says maca maca. Waka waka. Waka waka. Maka. Maka. I know. And so they brought him. The big time guy. The big time guy. Oh boy. And he said the same things that they said. He just said it in a deeper voice. And I hit him up with the stuff and then he brought something else up and I said, oh, I said, I can't, I can't let you do that. We have to go back to the, thing i just said we can't pass that up and he said oh i'll come back to that and i said oh we can't we have to deal with it now oh god mike likes to drive the conversation real good well the thing was is that it was going you know i'd add i'd bring this thing up and he goes he'd go yeah yeah and then talk about this over and i said you know there's something shiny and i said honestly i really i'm fine going over there yeah it's not active listening but we got to talk about this thing first and

2:31:29You guys know me. I enjoy the intellectual side of it as well. I was loving and I was humble and I was kind. So how did you guys leave it? Was it just like, agree to disagree? After four times of agree to disagree. And then Rebecca pointed something out to me when we were on our trip in Maui. She said, does this say we're not supposed to talk to them about stuff? And I read it and I said, I think it does. The thing that they gave out? No, no, no. Oh, the Bible. No, no, no. The Bible. It says you're not supposed to discuss other religions? No, it wasn't that you weren't supposed to discuss other religions. It was that if somebody believes something that is contrary to and is trying to proselytize to you. What's that mean? Sway? Yeah. Preach? Solicit. Yeah, solicit something other.

2:32:26Let's speak English on this show if we can. For sure. If we can. That was the perfect usage of the word. Thank you. I only learned that word. I thought those were the girls I saw in the Bellagio Vegas. Yeah. That's a derivation. I learned the word from Crush It from the old station about two years ago. We were talking on the phone. He is great because that guy is unchanging. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, what your deal is. He is him no matter what. So he would use some colorful language when we were talking. Oh, man. And he would say to me, hey, dude, I'm a Jew. What do you want? You do what you do. It's fine. And he would use his colorful language and stuff. And he would go, and I think it's great, man. You can proselytize. You can say, and I go, what is that? And he goes, what? I go, proselytize. He goes, you don't know proselytize? I thought you were a religious dude. And I go, I never heard of it. You're like, yeah, I never heard of it. And then since then, I've heard it like a billion times. Yeah, that's how that works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, well, we got off on a little bit of a tangent, didn't we? Yeah. You have a rabbit trail real good? That was thanks to our caller, though. Our Mormon caller. Mm-hmm. Former Mormon. That temple is beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's like a castle. Every time we drive by, Jamie and I are like, oh, I know. I told Jesper that's where Batman lives. Rebecca told her niece, Kirsten,

2:33:5610 years ago that that's where the Smurfs live? Because she wasn't going to understand. She was so little. My little sister with Down syndrome, she thinks that Harry Potter lives there. I wonder how many stories of... Call us if you have... M1 B-worms from PB? Yeah. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. Just kind of going off on the Mormon subject, there's a new alternative form of... birth control that they're implying for the youth, I guess. It's called floating. Have you ever heard of that? Uh-uh. It's where I'm trying to be as good as possible. Yeah, you have to be really... As a matter of fact, let me put you on hold. I think I can do it. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Because I don't want to have to hit the button. So if you say it wrong... So I'll just coach you. I'll hear it on hold and then we'll put you back on after a small break. Is that okay? Okay. Yeah, if you want to. Do you have to go right now? No, I don't. Okay, hang on. Hang on. I'll come. Because we have to break. I know, I know. I know. I'm going to break here in just a second. M1 Bomber from San Diego. Hey, what's up? What's up? I just want to give a little defense to those poor guys. I'm Mormon also, and I realize a lot of times that Mormons come off pretty straight edge in kind of a weird, creepy way. And for those missionary guys, you know, those guys are getting put out at...

2:35:2218 years old and what they're really trying to do is they're trying to serve in the best way they can their communities and they do a lot of really good community work and community service and a lot of times those guys don't know anything don't know enough about their own religion to argue with people about especially someone like you hey hey hey now wait wait wait hang on bomber i want to make a real clear distinction i'm so glad that you said that because i don't want to give anybody the impression that there was any arguing going on. In fact, I was very, very clear from the outset that I wanted to have a discussion with them, but in no way would I argue about doctrine or would I get into any kind of an argument about theology. I don't argue it. Sure. It's useless. That makes perfect sense. I mean, I guess argue was probably the wrong word. From their point of view, and I personally didn't serve a mission. I was... I wasn't necessarily the best Mormon kid growing up. So I came into the game in terms of being more orthodox later than most people did. So I didn't have the kind of experience, but I mean, I had family members to do. And what I saw from them was that they went into this thing saying, listen, I don't know a whole lot about this myself. I'm going to go do what I think is best to serve in the way that I know how to serve. And if it comes out that I'm making some mistakes or I'm saying things wrong,

2:36:47I think that it's more chalked up to youth and inexperienced than it is to some sort of major fallacy. And like the whole, what the guy's about to talk about, the guy from PB floating. I mean, so many people say, oh, this is what Mormons believe. And they really don't know. You know, the only thing I can say to that, bro, is that if I am going to be representing something, I have to be able to defend it. You know, I got to be able to say why. That's the deal. 570-1949. Yeah, and those kids are dedicated. You can't take that away from them. I see them hitting the pavement, but I just don't understand it all. Yeah, for sure. 570-1949. How's that cookie? Great. Them one Veronica made like 7,000 cookies. I took one bag home on Friday. Did you really? Oh, I wonder where this went. What kind? I took the chocolate chip. You didn't tell anybody.

2:38:57I was meeting my brother and sister, so I was like, oh, give some cookies. I didn't. I kept them all. Man, those are good. Still good. I love oatmeal cookies with raisins in them. Me too, because that's what belongs in an oatmeal cookie, a raisin. Notice all the chocolate chip ones are gone. Oatmeal, chocolate chip. Yeah, you know why? Because there was a bunch of girls. No, there weren't. Because you took them home. No, I didn't. I left them here. A bunch of broads in here eating them. Yeah, girls like chocolate chips. Men like raisins. Men like raisins. Yeah. I wonder what is... It's weird. You guys like chewy? Yeah. Women like chocolate because it's like intercourse. That's what they say. It's like you fork. Look at her. It's all happy. I'd be eating a lot of Hershey bars if I was a woman. I'll tell you that right now. Don't do anything for me. That's why I eat the dark chocolate. In fact, it's kind of a nuisance chocolate to me. What? It's kind of a nuisance. What do you mean by that? If you were to take a chocolate

2:39:57Hershey's kiss and pop it in your mouth and chew it. It's all in your teeth. Don't chew it. Just suck it. Weird. What? Just grow up, dude. Come on. Really? You're an adult man. Really? You can handle her saying that. I don't chew Hershey kisses. Just suck it. Make it last longer. Yeah, if you suck it, it lasts longer. You're an adult man. I'm being an adult. Are you? Suck it. 35. You've been alive three decades. Unbelievable. I really do like dark chocolate. Maybe that's my new catchphrase. Maybe it isn't. Wait, what's Jay's again? Get after it. Get some. We'll just suck it. Get some. You want to hear some new releases? Some stuff that's out. There's some wild ones, dude. I guess. Abe Vigoda. I saw it and I was like, oh, I can't wait for this. This guy that played Fish. It's not who you think it is. It's a band called Abe Vigoda?

2:41:00Yes. That's the guy that played Phish. He was Tessio in The Godfather. Yep. Abe Vigoda. Sounds good for an old dude. Just a bunch of noise. That's enough of that. Really? Just like that? No? Catchy. That's alright. Sounds like two songs are playing at once. What's the name of the album? Do I have these written down? What's the name of the album? No? I give them to Jay and I... Take the time to record them into the system. Where's Sienna? I shot you an email back, Woods. Did you? Maybe print those out after I send them to you. Yeah. Anything else I can do? Woods is stressed out while he's been doing Sienna's thing. Sienna, if you're listening, SOS. Yeah. Save our ship. Save our show. Name of the album is Crush. Name of the album is Crush. And it's not even that he's doing a bad job. It's the stress level that I can't handle. When I come in, he's not the same chipper guy. No.

2:42:22He's all stressy. I'm not Woods anymore. No. He's gone. And even at home, your wife says you're kind of uptight. I've been a giant D at home. It's great. It's great. And I've even said, I'm like, how about I take some of the... I'll do some of the stuff. He's like, no, no, no. I'll get guilt bit for it. I love it when Sienna first said she had to go and was like, I could do it. I did this before. I wanted to read them. I wanted to do the news. I wanted to be Sienna. That'd be easier. Let's do that. No, I don't want to anymore now. No, you do that. No, I don't want to anymore now. Oh, boy. Paula Cole. Remember her? Yes. Very lovely. It's not my style, but it's lovely. Kind of changes gears here. Paint the picture, Mike. A tiny, tiny little girl. You know, a little woman. Very skinny with an oversized Taylor guitar. Sitting on a stool. And she's wearing a yellow button-up shirt. And she's very thin. That's what I picture. Yeah, that's about right. I love to paint the picture, man. That's what I picture. I hate yellow shirts. The album's called Ithaca, which is a town in New York State. That's true. Sure is. That's true. Home of Ithaca University, by the way. Yeah.

2:43:49Also the home of an ex-girlfriend. You have an ex-girlfriend in Ithaca? Lolly Winnie. You got broads all over this country, don't you? I lived in Rochester. Yeah. This is John Legend and The Roots. New album's Wake Up. Sounds great. This is like The Temptation. Who's the chick, I wonder? Thing is, though, if I want to hear... The Temptations? I'll listen to The Temptations. No, it's New Age. I'll listen to Gladys Knight. And I bet you when The Roots kick in, it's a little bit more of a hip-hop vibe. They're from Philly. That's good. Oh, man, I love me some Motown. Sounds like Alicia Keys, doesn't it? There we go. Now there it goes. Oh, come on. Why not buy a Temptations album on iTunes? It's because it's The Roots. The Roots. The Roots. From Philly.

2:44:54Maroon 5's new one comes out today. Spare me. Oh, really? Oh, really? Get. Why? Because they're well-known? No. Yeah. No, because they suck. If Maroon 5 had come out and no one knew who they were. I hate his voice. Hate his voice. Hate his voice. And we played it and no one had ever heard the name Maroon 5. Yeah, at first I liked it. Yeah, because no one knew it. I didn't. As soon as it becomes popular. No. No, as soon as you get hammered over the head with a voice that sucks. Oh, it doesn't suck. Beatrice and Antebellum or whatever the name is, the country singer. Lady Antebellum. Yep. That's great. Actually. She's a Taylor Swift wannabe. Where's Adam? Where's Adam? I like Adam Lambert. That sounds real different. Hopping on the country train. I guess. That don't sound like Marin 5. Sounds different. Love it. I don't like his voice. I love that. Stop on my window. Yeah. Liza Minnelli. All of our jaws just dropped open. Again, I got to hear it again. I pictured a frog in a top hat with a cane. I picture her with lots of sequins.

2:46:36She knew Columbus. Walking through Central Park. I saw like a show where she was sitting on a stool with a spotlight on her. She was just sitting there singing. At Tavern on the Green in New York. She whistles through the bottom. She does. She talks like this. Why does she do this? Wait, let me hear her. She's ever had a fresh vodka in her life? Yeah. Who out there is like... Kick ass. The new Liza is out today and I'm all the way in. Besides Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken. One thing I like about her, she's never changed with the times. She's like, I'm sticking in this genre and I'm going to sing it. I'm going to do the stuff from the 1960s and I'm not going to change. This is a martini. That's a good Liza. I think. Oh, wow. I'm working on that. Have you? No. You should. I got to hear a little bit of it. Should be the new Mikey show open instead of Linkin Park. Oh, wow. Liza, let's take that again. Let's do a cut. Take two. We'll take it from the top. I have to admit I like the melody on that. Does she say your triography? Yeah.

2:48:05I was about to rhyme it with something else, and I didn't. Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness. I almost did. I feel like Lauren's better. Lauren's is way better than Liza's. Lauren does a better Liza than Liza. The trick is to stick your tongue out like this. Try that in your stand-up. People will be like, who's Liza Vanelli? You're like, hey, look, Liza's here. Check out that girl's underbite. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Voice gotten a little deeper. Just blasting a Newport. Virginia Slim 120. Oh, boy. A javelin. Studio's like. Yeah, is this Costco? Yeah, we've got to put it in an order. We're going to be doing a recording session with Liza later this afternoon. Okay, what do you need, my friend? Let's get three crates of Virginia Slims. You want the 100s or the 120 Javelins? Let's do the 120s. You want the Javelins? Yeah, but why don't you send us two of the others, too? Okay, just in case. Are these the brown ones? Yes. Yeah, we need the brown Virginia Slims. Okay. And then we need, do you guys have any of those white?

2:49:23plastic ivory holders that you stick those in? Absolutely. Kind of like the lady from 101 Dalmatians. Cruella de Vil. Cruella, yeah. And Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, yes. Can we get, let's get a box of those. You got it. Darling, don't forget my olives. We need olives. Have a gross of olives. And let's get two cases of sapphire. Bombay sapphire gin, yes. Bombay sapphire gin. You got it. Ask him if they have any flapper dresses. You guys have any flapper dresses there? We do. We do. They're on clearance. Marvelous. They're on clearance from 1942. What's that, Liza, darling? I said it's marvelous. Oh, you said it's marvelous. Yeah. We'll have somebody squire that right over. Squire. We also need four ham shanks. You got it. Ask him if they sell cartons of blue eyeshadows. The guys sell cartons of blue eyeshadows. Wigs. Wigs. I need five wigs. Black wigs. Black. I got a pantsuit. Do you have men's size 40 tuxedo pants? Is Mikey there? Yeah, Mikey's here, so I need you to cut him into shorts. I'll fit him like pants, but just cut him into shorts.

2:50:47Oh boy. Santana's new one. Featuring Chris Cornell. That's Chris Cornell? Yeah. The whole album is like different artists. I know, but that don't sound like Bon Jovi. Hold on. Was Chris Cornell? You're so out on Santana. Me too, I'm not. Aren't you? No, I've never been. Santana, dude. What was that? Rob Thomas. Smooth. Never dug it. I like the older stuff. Yeah, I like Oyo Como Va. Yeah, me too. Weird. I didn't like the Michelle Branch. I didn't like the Nickelback. Yeah, who do you sing Maria Maria with, too? That was decent. That was the West Side Story one. Didn't like any of those. Here's the script. Where is it? Nope. No, we don't have that. No script. Okay. It's okay. Selena Gomez and the scene, is that a joke about me? No. It's a new release.

2:52:08I liked it the first time when it was called Kesha. Yeah, right? Serge Tarkanian from System of a Down. System of a Get. Wow. Wow. What the hell is that different from System of a Down? Don't they usually do solo stuff because they want to... Do something different? Yeah, that sounds... I don't think they were getting along, so I think they went solo. Really? Yeah, the last tour they came through, I don't think they were getting along. Wake up. I should put on a little makeup. Horseband ever. Zac Brown Band. Featuring Jimmy Buffett. See Mikey at a Buffett concert? Real parrot head. Big frozen daiquiri. Daiquiri in my hand. Salt! Salt! Salt! Big stuffed animal parrot.

2:53:36On my head. This is how I used to open my show. Is it? With this song. I like this song. Buddy Guy, baby, please don't leave me. It's a good song. In just a moment, we'll come back and we'll make you laugh. Don't go away. Hillary, do you remember this from being a kid? This was like circa... Oops, sorry. There you go. Circa 1972. This is that one you kept singing. I was like, I don't know it. I don't know it until I heard it. It's AM Gold right there, kid. AM Gold. Sounds like ambrosia. I'm telling you, dude, that stuff from when I was a kid, I just can't get enough of it. A.M. gold on a road trip, there's nothing better. Oh, yeah. Nothing better. I bet you would make a great A.M. gold mixtape. Oh, I'll make you a sick A.M. gold mixtape. Nice. A little ambrosia on there for you. Oh, yeah. A little air supply maybe. Wouldn't you fall asleep? I can't listen to that stuff on a road trip. Oh, I can. Me too. Maybe in a bathtub. I was just going to say either that or a bathtub. Maybe in a bathhouse. Or a bathhouse.

2:55:45One or the other? Asian Massage Parlor. Genius, dude. Remember that, Hillary? You're the biggest part of me. I'm turning up my headphones. Hillary was listening to different stuff, I think. See, I grew up in Yuma, Arizona. We got one radio station. K-Blue 56. K-Blue 56. Yeah, 560 AM. And all it was was Top 40. How old were you at this time? I was probably 12. What were you listening to, Hillary, at 12? Your favorite bands at 12. At 12, I was probably just starting to get into Bob Marley. Oh, nice. Okay. Very different from my youth. You found your first marijuana joint. Grew up on the Mighty 690 when it was the AM. Like, Betty Davis Eyes. Oh, yeah. Me too. Yeah. Kim Carnes. I had this little clock radio. My sister and I had matching twin beds, matching clock radios when clock radios, like digital clocks were brand new. And they had $300. $300 for a nice brand new AM. And our electric bill went way up when we plugged in. And so we used to, yeah, we had it set to the Mighty 690, the AM. The Mighty 690. Oh, yeah.

2:57:04Jingles. She's got Betty Davis eyes. Betty Davis eyes. Mickey by Tony Basil. What else? Olivia Newton, John Physical. Yes, The Morning Train. Yep, baby. Sheena Easton. Sheena Easton. Jam. Jam. I love that stuff. Reminds me of my mom driving into work, jamming that in the morning. KVIL in Dallas. You know what was great as I think back on those days is... I remember, and I was actually mentioning this to my wife the other day. We didn't, and it wouldn't have made a difference if anybody had told me, but we didn't realize how good we had it. Right. You hated it then. We didn't have a mortgage. We didn't have kids. And we didn't have anything. No care in the world, dude. I took everything for granted. Oh, yeah. I definitely did. I wasn't paying rent. I didn't have insurance payments. Dinner was made for you. Dinner was made. Oh, yeah. You're like, at least I have to do homework, Mom and Dad. You don't know what that's like. What do you guys do around here? Yeah. And heartbreak was something that my parents obviously never had. Right.

2:58:15Because they were adults. They've never had their heart broke. They don't know what it's like. They don't know what it's like to have a crush on Christy McNichol and for it not to be returned. Yeah, be five. Be five years old. And weird in the back of a station wagon crying at five because Christy McNichol wasn't there right then. To hold you. How bizarre is that? You're the weirdest. The weirdest guy. Five. Crying. In the back of a station wagon. You okay back there? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just five crying about Christy McNichol. I'm fine. Why are you crying? Because she's not here right now. It's so weird. Okay, good night. Did you guys do the thing? My mom used to drive a Volkswagen bus, a green Volkswagen bus, the old ones. My sister and I, when we got to a certain age, if we happened to drive past someone we knew walking on the street, we would hit the floor. Embarrassed. We are so not being driven around. Did you do that? Rebecca used to ask her mom to drop her off on the corner so that she didn't have to pull up in front of the school. Her mom drove, not a station wagon, but do you remember?

2:59:19The mini station wagons. Oh, yeah. They were small. And on top of it, she had a tortoise shell camper thing, like the big suitcase that went on the roof. At all times. That you put like, yeah. And she wouldn't take it down because once a year they would go camping. It's a pain to put it back up. Why take it down? And so it was like the turtle shell, you know, and you would throw your sleeping bag and all that stuff. Rebecca was mortified. My mom had a Cutlass, so yes, I was the same. My grandfather drove a Pinto, so there you go. A Pinto. A Pinto. Yeah, they stopped making them because they blew up when they got rear-ended. They would catch on fire. Remember that? Just drive me around that thing. That's great. Hill, what do you got coming up? Well, you know, the new Liza Minnelli's out today. It is good. Of course it is. Here, let's take a listen. You think Garrett would add that? I bet he would. Oh, fully. It's going to be recommended. It's the new Liza. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Liza. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. I did grab System of a Down because I heard you mention Surge. Although that new record of his, I don't know about that. Sounded like oddly like System of a Down. Sounds like poop.

3:00:37I grabbed Black Crows. Nice. I've kind of been on a Black Crows roll lately. New Jimmy E. World. And a new song from New Politics, one of the bands playing our eighth anniversary bash. Which is so much fun. And it's on a Saturday night, so you all can go. He'll be out of town. I'll be there. Can't even play or anything. Great. There you go. All right. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next, and we'll come back tomorrow at 6. We'll do this again. Mikey Show's out. Late.