The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/22/10

2:16Oh, look at that. It's Wednesday already. That happened fast. Yeah, it did. It happened really fast. It's Wednesday on the Mikey Show, and that means that you can call us right now, and you can say happy Wednesday if you want. That would be really weird, but you can do that. You can say happy hump day. Happy hump day. Happy funnier. That's right. Oh, yeah. Hysterical. You can call us at 570. You can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. And it's open phones. You can call about whatever you want to. You can call about something you saw on TV. You can call about anything, a topic that's going on in the news. You can talk about any of that stuff. Let's do it right now, and we'll put you on. You can ask questions, anything. Five people on the show. I'm Mikey.

3:18That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. Sienna's not here because she's out on maternity leave, and Jay's our producer, and Chris is back on the phones. Scrawls! So if you would like to hear his voice, you can call right now, and you can talk to him, and then you'll talk to us. It's real good. Word of the day today, lampshade. Wow. Lampshade. How do you work that in, pal? I don't know, but I'll do it. I'll do it, and it will be so seamless you'll barely notice. I have to work that word in between now and 10 o'clock into a sentence real sweetly, real clever. And if I do that, you are caller nine, and what will you win, Jay? His and her anarchy sunglasses, our angel, and tickets to see Spoon. Ah, that's good. There you go. How about that? Nice. A lot of value there.

4:19And the Incorporator is at 8 o'clock this morning. We'll be doing the Incorporator. How about that? I can't wait. I got a little Facebook message yesterday from a mother that said her 12-year-old son was taken to doing the Incorporator on his own. Oh, really? It's hilarious. Oh, wow. How does he get the words? His friends? I wanted to ask, but I didn't. I just said, well, kids at home trying to be dynamic. What are you going to do? Kids trying to have a good time. That's hilarious. He's doing the Incorporator. You don't have to stop the guy from trying to have a good time. I laughed so hard. So hard. That's funny, man. Yeah. That's funny. All right. Open phone. I said open phones and nobody's calling. They're listening. Yeah. But I don't know what. Hi. Why don't they call first thing? I don't like that. I don't know. Because everybody's just waking up. Wakey wakey. Getting used to the sweet sounds. Yeah, be nice. Yeah, we'll be real nice. It's the fall equinox today. It is? Mm-hmm. Is that that word that you had trouble with? Not going to try and say it. Say the real one. Autumnal. Autumnal. Autumnal. I don't know. Autumnal. The autumnal equinox. Autumnal equinox. What does that mean? It's the first day of fall. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, great. Well, there we go. Officially here. Great summer, you guys. That was fun.

5:46Summer's over today? Summer's over today. Oh, my gosh. I never came. Yep. That's brutal. It was never here. Three days of summer, maybe. It's the weirdest summer I've ever experienced in San Diego. Perfect. I've never, ever experienced that in this town where it was just mild temperatures the whole time. And I'm not saying I wanted it hot. I'm just saying that it would have been nice to see more sun. I like it hot. I would have liked it hot. Oh, man. Just for a couple months. Oh, man. A couple days. We are very different that way. So you could go to Mexico in the middle of the summertime and you'd be fine with that? Oh, yeah. Sweat it out. Cool. Woodsy, you hate it too, don't you? You know, growing up in Texas, I'm not a big fan of the just blazing 110 degree heat. Yeah. Would have been nice to have some 80, 85 days here, you know, and get out and stay at the beach for a little while. But I'll tell you, a couple weeks ago we went to the beach. There was three people there. Three. Oh, man. I was like, oh, boy, this is San Diego. Yeah. It's crazy. No offense about your weather. I still love it here. It's still great. So don't freak out. Send me any messages. I love it. Yeah. I get those. People get mad at me for calling out the weather. Like it's their pal. Yeah.

7:07Like it's their brother or their buddy or their kid or something. I got no problem with three people on the beach. Yeah, that actually wasn't bad. You know, I walked out and I go, oh, look, there's nobody on the beach. But then I looked at the waves and there was like a lake. I was like, oh, great. Yeah, seagulls went to Cabo. Yeah, they did. They're like, it's too cold here. Can't stand this. It's great. M1 Super Secret from Escondido. What up? Oh, nice. That's what I want. Happy hump day. Very good. Very good. Where are you going, Super Secret? I am driving from Temecula to Chula Vista, where I work. That's cool. Wow, that's a commute. That's a hike. How long does it take? An hour and ten minutes, one way. Oh, man. Oh, man. I love what I do. Yeah, I guess. And it's probably less expensive to live in Temecula, right? Sure. Yeah? Absolutely. I bet it is. Well, hopefully we'll help you out on your commute. Thank you. Thank you, Super Secret. Bye. We love you. M1 Catherine from Florida is on the line. What's up? Hello. Good morning. How are you? I'm calling to say good morning. Followed you from the other station. Nice. First time caller. Nice. And you're the one thing I took from San Diego. I miss San Diego so much and I get my piece of San Diego from you guys. That's great. Awesome. That is awesome. Are you listening to us right now on the internet? I am. What did you move to Florida for? Play shuffleboard. Yeah. We met over the phone long distance.

8:37You did? How did it happen? Oh, I was his customer. I'm in sales and he was my distributor. Oh my gosh. That is really romantic. That's great. We had the whole meet in the airport. Like it was totally a movie. We'd never seen each other before. That's what me and my wife did. Wow. Yeah, my wife and I met in person for the first time. in the airport. We'd never met in person just like you, Catherine, and we were already in love by the time we met face-to-face. That's how we did. The first time we, you know, our first quote-unquote date, we said, I love you, and we married like eight months later. That's awesome. Because you were already in love. Yeah. Wow. And how long have you been married? We've been married a little over two years now and just had a baby girl. That's incredibly cool. That's such a great story. That's awesome. Look at you. So, Catherine, I'm assuming that you guys had exchanged pictures and everything, so you knew what each other...

9:55So different. Pictures and in person, completely different. Oh, yeah. Really? So when he met you, he thought you looked really different? Yeah, he did. I mean, I seriously didn't know it was him from across the airport because his phone didn't work in California. Yeah. So he called me from like an information desk. He asked someone to use the phone. Yeah. And then so we didn't even, you know, it wasn't even like we were talking on his phone. It was like, are you Keith? And he was like, yeah, it's me. And I mean, completely different. Wow. Well, you love this person, and you're like, do I hug you? Do I kiss you? What do I do? Right. Right. I didn't know that's what happened with you and Rebecca. Yeah, that's what happened with Rebecca and I. The way that I met Rebecca was, and this was a long time ago. It's a great story. Yeah, I was a different guy then, but the way that I met Rebecca was I had just gotten America Online, and I had a friend named Adam. And Adam goes, dude, you have America Online? And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, I got it too. He goes, you meeting girls? And I said, no. And he goes, you want to know how to meet hot chicks on AOL? And I go, yes. And so he goes, all right, I'll come over. I'll show you what's up. So he came over and he showed me something called the member profile. And the way that it worked is you typed in a name and clicked on a button that said, show me people online now.

11:20So he goes, give me a hot girl's name. I had never met a Rebecca, didn't know any girl's name Rebecca. I just thought that that was a hot name, Rebecca. Just sounded hot. And so I said, Rebecca. He typed in the name Rebecca, hit people online right now, and there was a whole bunch of them. And he said, now you can double click on their name and you can look at their profile. And so I double clicked on her. It said blonde in San Diego, 22 years old. 27, and I went, oh, yeah. And I said, this girl looks great. Amazing. Yeah, and I said, so what do I do? He goes, you just click on this button right here that says send instant message. And I go, what do I say? And he goes, just say hi. So I put H-I, send. Wow. And it began. Yeah. And many years later. I did that. He tapped me on my back. He goes, See you later, buddy. Yeah, he got you rolling. And he thought, you know, this is where the crazy monkey sex will begin. Yeah, right. And I never said anything dirty to her. I never, because I felt weird. It's way weird to do that. You know, and so I didn't, which she thought was cool because I didn't. You were the only one not doing it. Yeah.

12:41And then we started to communicate like pen pals. I would write her an email every month or a couple months. She would write me back. I never was creepy with her or anything. Then she sent me a picture. And when I saw her picture, I was like, oh, well, I can't go out with her. There that goes. I was like, but, you know, it's nice to be her friend. And I actually tried to set her up with Eddie. That's so crazy. You know, who was my best friend at the time. And, you know, I moved from here to the Bay Area. He still lived in San Diego, and she lived in San Diego, so I tried to set him up. And they, you know, wrote an email or two, but were not really, they didn't, you know. They never went out? They didn't hit it off, no. No, good. No. That'd be tough. Yeah, for sure. And so they never hit it off. We started emailing more frequently. I would have a girlfriend. She'd have a boyfriend. So nothing ever happened. But then at one point we were single at the same time. And she had to say to me, I'm not interested in your friend. I'm interested in you. Had she never said that, we never would have hooked up. Still be single. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Because I would never have thought that she liked me.

14:01Then we started, you know, talking all the time. Every day. We were talking every day. From first IM to first visual, how long? Three years. Wow. Three years. You guys are dedicated. Yeah, but we didn't, you know. Well, you were quick. Well, no, no. But from her telling me that she liked me to first meeting. Three days. No, no. Three hours. It was about six months. He's like, I got a credit card. I'm going to book you a flight right now. Yeah, six months. Where were you? Were you guys still in different cities? Yeah, I was up in the Bay Area. She was in San Diego. Wow. And so it was probably six months. And, you know, I got to give her credit. I was fat, you know. But by that time, I had sunk my hooks in her. She liked me. She couldn't do anything about it. What was she going to do? By that time, she liked me. Personality will get you. Yeah. And I really turned on the personality over the phone because I was like, wow, this really cute blonde girl likes me. I think I might be able to pull this off. And so she came to visit. I was wearing a red Deftones jacket in the airport. And she was wearing this little cute sweater. She got off the plane.

15:26And, you know, the two of us, when we would walk together, you know, people thought I kidnapped her. What is that girl doing with that guy? But, you know, and she kissed me first. I'll have you know. We were in the car. We were in the car and we were leaving the airport and we came to a red light and she leaned over and she kissed me. She had to do all that stuff. Otherwise, you know. I would have been too... Wow, the aggressor. She was the aggressor. She was like L.O.B. when L.O.B. was a five-year-old with kissing those boys on the nap mat. Or a 29-year-old. Or a 29-year-old. So, wow, Catherine, you just brought back some great memories. Cool. Congratulations. And congratulations to you. Well, thank you. Enjoy your warm weather. Oh, it's too warm. I was saying it was perfect. There you go. It's 90 degrees here every day. Catherine's like, you know, I wasn't really looking for your biography, Mike. Just really wanted to say hi. Just wanted to say hi. Tell you about my story. Got eggs on the stove. Got to run, guys. Got to run. If there's anything good I could talk about, and I was like, no, I'm pretty boring. No, you were great. You did. You're like, yeah, and I'll send you the long distance bill, Mike. Thanks. Thanks for that. Thanks. Thanks, Catherine. We'll see you. M1 commuter from Temecula. What are you doing? You know, just listening to you guys. Good, bro.

16:55What's going on? Not much, man. You know, I've been listening, you know, just like a lot of your other listeners, man, following you from the other station to here. Other station stuff's been up this week, man. Yeah, people have asked about it, and, you know, I don't have any ill will in my heart. And, you know, I've always had the philosophy that if people ask, you know, I'll talk about it. I don't talk about it. I don't really talk about it on my own because it hurts and it's painful and all that stuff, and it's like a breakup, you know? It's like a breakup with a person. It is a breakup with a person. So I don't really bring it up that often, but if people ask about it, you know, I will. Phone screener is good, man. It's the best. He's very good. Hopefully get the opportunity to check out your new studio, because you know what? Going through these canyons sometimes, the signal reception's not that great, and just calling you guys. This is awesome. Hey, right with you, man. I don't do it anymore. Jay does it. Oh, Jay does it. Go online. Go online and set that sucker up. All right. All right, dude. All right, guys. You take care. Have a fantastic day. Thanks a lot. Yeah, where do they go, Jay, now? Just go to the Mikey Show page, and they can click on it.

18:26We're going to start drawing him out of there. We already are. There you go. That kid had a lot on his plate. Yeah, yeah, you do, man. Dude, I was getting hammered with those things. Hammered with, hey, I want to come, I want to come, I want to come. I want to come for the fifth time. Yeah, we're going to mix it up a little bit, too, try to get a lot of new people in here. We do need some new people. We have had several of the same people in and out a few times, but, hey, we love them. I messed up. You guys are the best. I sent Kiera to you because I thought you were still doing it. Yeah. Jay, Jay's going to handle it from now on. Did you get anything from her? I did. I did. I sent her to Jay. Okay, cool. And if anything, you know, if I promised you something, you know, just let me know and I'll take care of it and get you in with Jay. Right on. Jay's a lot stricter than I am. I'll let you know that right now. Dropping the hammer. He will drop the hammer on you. M1 Brian from PB, what are you doing? Hey, I'm just about to go surf. Nice. How's the waves today? Have you heard? They're not that great. I'm looking at them right now. But I'm pretty excited. I was just telling the screener, who was very nice, that I just switched jobs. I used to be an airline pilot, and now I work in an office. What? It's changed. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, it's good and bad. It's not as fun and exciting, but I'm home every night, so it's a better family quality time, you know? Love to be home. Did you fly commercial airlines? Yes, sir. Wow, you actually flew people.

19:51Yeah, people. Oh, my gosh. You know, out of curiosity, why did you stop? Like I said, just to be, I got a wife and kid, and, you know, it was killing my wife to be gone for several nights in a row. It's got a grade on you after a while, too. I did some, I mean, what I would consider heavy traveling back in the day, where I'd travel a full week, back a week, a full week, back a week, so two weeks a month. And you want to lose your mind, but these guys, man, these pilots travel, what? every other day or every day? I worked a couple days in a row. I had a pretty sweet gig. I had like 13 to 18 days off a month. Oh, wow. But I would be gone. You know, it's feast or famine. Yeah, that's true. You more nervous taking off or landing? Not that bad. Probably the most nervous is just navigating, you know, storms or something like that. I got a question for you. So taking off or landing doesn't, neither one of them, it's the same and you're not really that nervous? No. I've always wanted to ask this of a pilot. I was thinking about it when I was in the plane a couple days ago, coming back from Vegas. Do you remember your very first flight where you had the rains and everything? Oh, absolutely. Because I think about my first day on the air.

21:10I slept 15 minutes the day before. Great question. Was vomiting on the way in, you know, L-O-B-2. We were both sick to our stomachs. Didn't have a clue what we were doing. How was that for you? Like that first day, like, all right, man, the rains are yours. Go get them. Sketchy, I was out of Phoenix, and it was in the middle of summer, and we were blasting off in this jet, and we went right over, like, the parking lot, you know, and all that heat's coming up. Yep, and it bounces. And just rattled. crap out and oh my god holy cow and that was the first time that you flew human beings yeah on your own oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my god you know dude and what is even more incredible is that all those passengers they had no idea yeah they don't tell you yeah no clue yeah they don't tell you uh captain john's first flight yeah This is Captain Brian. I just want to let everybody know I've never done this. So just, you know, sit back, relax, and take a nap. And hopefully we'll see on the ground. We'll take a Xanax, too. Wow. Yeah, smoke them if you got them, guys. That's awesome. Thank you, dude. It's a great call. Yeah, so I'm excited. This is the first of hopefully many pre-office surf sessions. There you go. Love it. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, guys. Love your show. Appreciate you.

22:32I've always wanted to know that. I've always wanted to know how that feels. Everybody gets nervous. That's right. Oh, man. So, Woodsy, what's the deal with this pastor from Atlanta? There's this cat down in Atlanta. His name's Eddie Long, and he is the head pastor of this 25,000-member church. Oh, that's human. It's a giant. They call that a mega church. Mega church. Well, he's in a little bit of trouble, and it's sketchy at best right now, but there's a couple of guys that came out and said that he had basically coerced them into sexual things. Oh, wow. Kissing, massaging, other things. It sounds like, what's that guy, Jim Baker, did that with... Not with boys. This is with boys. This is a male pastor with two boys. How old? These guys are like in their 20s. Oh, wow. Yeah, so this one guy, Maurice Murray Robinson, he's 20. Apparently this pastor took him to Auckland, New Zealand in 08 for his birthday and did some things with him there. And he would have been 18 at the time? He was 18 at the time. And basically he said that the pastor would frame the coercions in a religious nature. He'd say, hey, you guys are my spiritual sons.

23:51And this is what we do. And it's just, I was reading this article going, bleh. Skeebs you out, man. Very skeevy, man. Because the Bible says that when pastors do that, when guys that are in charge like that do that, that the judgment is much harsher. Oh, I'm sure. I'm absolutely sure. Abusing power. Oh, yeah. I mean, and abusing that kind of power is gnarly. One of the interesting things, too, about this guy, this Mr. Long. is that apparently there was an article in the Southern Poverty Law Center. The magazine called him one of the most homophobic black leaders in the religiously based anti-gay movement. So he has really been outspoken about how bad homosexual behavior is and then this behind the scenes. It's always a deal, man. If it's somebody that's really freaking out about... you know, a certain thing. The cause. The cause. Then you hear that, that that, that's what comes out is that that's what's going on. But man, he is, man, he's in deep, he's in deep stuff, dude. I was like, oh, get ready to hit the dumbbell. He's in it pretty good. What about the DA and the sexting? Yeah, let's stay on the creepy topic this morning. But we talked a little bit last week about that DA that, that

25:11He was helping this young lady out in a case against her boyfriend. And she met with him and literally she walks out the door from their first meeting and he starts sexting her. Immediately telling her, hey, are you the kind of girl that wants to have secret contact with a married, older district attorney? You're a tall, hot, young nymph. All kinds of creepy stuff. Again, I'll say this again because I said this the first time it came up. I just wish that I knew what took place. in that first meeting with them together because logic says to you, what made him feel bold enough to do that? What, what, you know, otherwise, because otherwise he's just completely insane. He's legally insane. What's interesting that you asked that dude, because two more women have come out. That's the, that's the, the, the big story is that two other women have come out and said, yep, same deal. same exact bit, was helping me get off a, there was a girl who was 17 arrested for drugs, like marijuana, right? Yeah. Gets on her record. She completely changed her life and spent the next, you know, six years getting degrees. She was studying to be a doctor or a lawyer or something. And this guy had done the same thing. He goes, yeah, I can help you wipe that off your deal, but you have to wear high heels and a skirt for me. Okay, so that's the bit? Okay, so it's that he says to them,

26:34I'll help you if you do this. Yeah, because the first girl. So it's not like he's just hitting on them. No, yeah. He's actually saying. Trade. A trade. The first girl he goes, hey, listen, you know, if we can't get this done, I just don't know if we'll be able to press charges against your boyfriend that hit you. Yeah, he's like doing the trade bit, which is, in my mind, even a little worse. A little creepier than the guy that just maybe throws some bait out there to see if anybody's biting. That's gnarly. So two other women have come forward with this guy. He went on medical leave, so you're going to see him for a while. By the way, if you haven't heard about the drama with the Eagles and Andy Reid and the press conference that I watched yesterday, and if you haven't heard about it, Woodsy will tell you about it next in Woods on Sports. And I wonder if you're going to go, has Andy Reid lost the team? We'll find out what you think all about it when we come back. I'm starving and I forgot my lunch. Yeah, I didn't bring anything either. Let's get some food. I'm all the way in. Yeah? Twist my arm, pal. Welcome back. Don't forget, word of the day is lampshade. When you hear it, I'll be real clever.

28:13I'll use it in a way that you will barely even notice. And when I do, 570-1949 is the number. And you will get his and her sunglasses. And what was the other one? Spoon. Spoon. Spoon's great band life. Great band. Are they? Yeah, great band. All right. These guys bring it, dude. They bring it real good. Let's see. I've got to write it down, otherwise I forget. What, that Spoon's a great live band? Yeah. I make notes to myself about who's a really great band, and I just keep it in my pocket all the time, just in case I'm walking by a concert venue, take it out of my wallet, and I go, oh, I should go in there, because I wrote down that they're a good band live. Yep. And then don't forget the Incorporator's back at 8 a.m. Nice. We'll be doing the Incorporator. And then wait until we tell you about Andy Reid. Press conference, a whole bit yesterday. Whole thing. And so Woods will fill you in on Woods on Sports. The bidding is up to what now for Trade Up for Charity, Jay? $1,300. Nick is still ruling the roof. $1,300? Yeah. That's awesome. I know. That's awesome, though. Yeah. $1,300 for something that's worth $4,000? Yes, I want in. Oh, my gosh. We're talking about four-night stay at the Four Seasons in Maui.

29:39I mean, that's unbelievable. Plus, we have that beautiful portrait that we're going to get from Jared from createyourdesignonline.com. You get all of it. Now, if you want to bid on this, and we're talking, now, it doesn't include airfare. You've got to fly yourself to Maui. But four-night stay at the Four Seasons in Maui for right now $1,300? It's a killing. $1,300. Yeah, it's like $9.75 a night, right? Yeah. That's crazy. And right now the bidding is barely at $1,300. And all the money is going to go, by the way. I mean, I think somebody should go there. If you've got a ton of dough, if you're listening right now and you're rich, you're a Padre, I know the Padres listen to us. I know some Charger players listen to us. If you're listening right now, you've got a ton of dough or maybe you're a businessman and you just want to do something great for charity, you go there and bid $5,000 on it. Nice. I mean, it's worth $4,000. And right now it's at $1,300. That's just unbelievable. All the money is going to Rady Children's Hospital. Is there a deadline? Are you listening? Come on now. Let's do this. Is there a deadline? Friday. Friday. Friday is a deadline. Hop to it. Yeah. So get on it and let's get this thing done. So we told you about the guy that got on the...

30:56bus, school bus, because his daughter was on the school bus, was being picked on. She started crying before she got on the bus and told her dad she didn't want to get on the bus because she was being bullied, even physically. And the little girl in question had cerebral palsy. And so the dad got on the bus, started cussing at these guys that were, you know, messing with her and threatening them. And he kind of snapped. And then he started going after the bus driver. A lot of people are sort of defending him. I say, you know, minus the cussing and going after the bus driver. But, you know, he lost his marbles for a second because people were abusing his child. Well, anyway, what's the latest with this guy? Well, he came out yesterday and apologized for his actions. And, you know, I think a lot of times these days we see this a lot where somebody will something they'll do something. Then you'll see them a day later, two days later, going, hey, I just, and reading from a statement, you know, saying I would just like to apologize for my actions. We all saw this press conference yesterday. We were still here in our new studio watching TV after the show. And I think we all agreed that, holy cow, we buy it. You know, we feel bad for the guy. It was one of those things where when you looked in his eyes and you listened to his voice kind of quiver, he's still really upset about it. And he really thinks that he did.

32:23the wrong thing and handled himself in the wrong way but you know one of those deals i i gotta tell you i was behind the guy a thousand percent and his baby had it been me they i would have been given that apology from behind bars there's no question yeah you know it breaks your heart broke my heart man and to see his face and his wife next to him and him talking about his little girl and hearing his voice quiver i got a little misty It's tough because, you know, I want to shoot from the standpoint in my own personal life of, you know, hey, man, if somebody is saying bad stuff about me, I want to pray for them. I want to turn the other cheek. It's tougher if it's your kid that's going through that. You know, I mean, you know, it's just so. Well, they can't defend themselves in a lot of cases. Can't defend themselves. You as the daddy are there to defend them, you know. Yeah. That's how I feel. Yeah. For sure. Okay, we got to give you this story. Yesterday, Andy Reid, press conference. Oh, just crazy. Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Yeah, I think we should start with this story because it was pretty crazy. A lot of times in the NFL or really in a lot of professional sports, what will happen is a star player will get hurt. Yeah. And then the coach will say, well, we have a backup and he's going to come in. As soon as our star is healthy again,

33:56He gets his job back. You don't lose your job to injury, especially in the NFL and a quarterback. Right. Not in this case. So he says, hey, Kevin Cobb's coming back. He had a concussion. He's going to be fine. Mike Vick did a great job. But Kevin Cobb is our starter. Well, then yesterday, Andy Reid comes out and he goes, well, I think Mike Vick's going to be our starter. So he says, and this is what surprised me. He said, quote, Kevin is fine. It's not an injury related issue. It's not about judging him. He's going to be a championship caliber quarterback. Well, you're two games in. If he's a championship caliber quarterback, why isn't he your starter? The answer is simple for me. The answer is simple. Now, this is kind of interesting. The starting center for the Philadelphia Eagles, he's having a hard time. You ever see the guy that holds the football and hikes it to the quarterback? You ever see this guy, he goes down and puts his hand on the football.

34:53And before he hikes it, he starts pointing at guys on the defense, and he's saying stuff. Okay, well, what he's doing is he's helping his quarterback read the defense and know what's coming. Well, this starting center for the Philadelphia Eagles, he's having a hard time with that, picking up the blitzes and all that stuff. He's having a hard time. That's part of the reason that Kevin Cobb got his dome knocked in, is because the center is having a hard time picking this stuff up, okay? And so... As they're looking at film of Michael Vick, they're realizing that it doesn't really matter with Mike Vick. He can improvise. He'll improvise. He can improvise. And so who gives you the best chance in that situation? Yeah. So it's not just a part of the quarterback's maturity. It's part of that center's maturity. Well, you're a bummed, bummed. bummed if you were Kevin Cobb. Yeah. Sad for him, but I'm not mad at it. LLB's an Eagles fan. Yeah, you're not mad at it if you're an Eagles fan, and you know, here's the deal. I was watching Jim Rome is burning, and Jim Rome was saying that for him, he goes, listen, you've heard it a million times, you don't lose your job to injury, but sorry, man, maybe it isn't fair.

36:13but life isn't fair. Yeah, that's true. He goes, you know, Michael Vick played better, and, you know, he shouldn't be penalized for being the better athlete at this point. That is true. That is true. Well, he's not. He's starting. Yeah, he's going to be your starter. So, how does that, is Michael Vick locked into his contract no matter what? I think he's got a year left. Okay. Yeah. So, could they possibly trade Kevin Cobb? No, they won't. I mean, they do see Kevin Cobb. I was just wondering. They do see Kevin Cobb as the future. Yeah, the future, absolutely. Also, last night the Padres took it to the Dodgers, and luckily they did because the Giants won also, so the Padres are still a half game out. But Clayton Richard, this is a good time of year for a guy to step up. and have a big game. They won 6-0. He threw a complete game shutout, which is just great. He gave the bullpen a rest, and those guys get a couple days to freshen up. It's really great. But the NL West, man, has really turned into a three-team race. Here's Bud Black on that. Cut one. I think the West has always been a little bit underrated as far as the strength of the teams. I think that's been played out over the last number of years since I've been here. So it doesn't surprise me that...

37:27There's this many teams battling. Welcome to the West Coast. Yeah, man. That's what it's like out here. Yeah, it's funny, man, because the AL Central, they have their representative already. It's twins. I mean, you play in a weak division. That's what's going to happen. Yankees are still battling. They're two and a half games up now. They played the Rays last night. There's so many good races going on right now. It makes baseball so much fun. That does. We talked a little bit yesterday about the gentleman that played for the Broncos, Kenny McKinley, who committed suicide. There's a little more information that came out. Apparently, he had talked about being depressed and about killing himself. This is what the police said. Who did he talk to him about? I don't know. All the Broncos, what they've said is, great teammate, had no idea, never mentioned it. Basically, detectives that responded, they found... His body with a pillow over his head and a .45 caliber semi-automatic pistol on top of the pillow. They noted a strong odor of freshly burned marijuana in the room as well. And, dude, just so, so sad. Here is Broncos coach Josh McDaniels on Kenny McKinley cut two. We are stunned and extremely saddened to hear about the news of Kenny McKinley's death. We'd like to offer our condolences publicly.

38:51to his family and friends. Terrible. Absolutely terrible, man. So sad. And then finally, I guess I didn't know this, but I read some stuff on Braylon Edwards yesterday. Holy cow. Is he doing his best impression of Matis Yahoo, by the way? Yeah, with that beard. The beard? Holy cow. What's up with the beard? I didn't know, really, I guess I just didn't realize what kind of dirtbag this guy has really been over the years. I had no idea. He was hanging out with Dante Stallworth the night that Dante got in that accident and killed that guy. They'd been out. The word around Cleveland was that this guy loved to party, would find him out in the bars at all hours of the night, and that's just kind of been his bit the last few years. Well, he, as we talked about, got arrested for a DWI, and they're saying that he will play on Sunday. He will not start. So he'll probably sit in a series and then he'll go in. So it's quite a punishment. But here's his attorney, Peter Frankel, cut three. Obviously very difficult for him. He's just anxious to get back to the Jets, to the organization. That's what's been exclusively on his mind. That's what he's been talking about. And that's where he's headed right now. They've got this. This is a guy he's been caught doing. He's been caught speeding and going 150 miles an hour in places like that after practice.

40:11He's kind of one of those guys, man. Maybe the next Plaxico Burris. Hopefully he gets his stuff together because he's a real talented dude. Unbelievable. Woods on sports. Hey, what's the toy that he saw this story about? The thing that we're going to have to get our kids. What's the toy? The it toy? Well, I guess there was one last year. Hold on. Oh, here we go. You guys ever heard of the Zuzu pet? A Zuzu? It's a Zuzu pet. It's Z-H-U. Z-H-U. Oh, the Zuzu. Zuzu. I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese. I can help you with that. I don't think that's Japanese. I think it is. I think it is Japanese. Zuzu? Yeah, Zuzu. It's Z-H-U, Z-H-U. Huh. Yeah. Is that correct? There you go. There it is. But basically, so Toys R Us has come out with its new hot toy list for... For the Christmas season. Because, hey, you guys, it's almost October, which means your kids are going to be tugging on your pants. Daddy, Daddy, I want this, I want this. Sure. You know, so these include blip toy squinkies. What? Blip. Yeah, blip toy squinkies, of course. Basically, those are tiny figures that fit inside toy dispensing machines. Oh, my God. Just El Cheapo. Oh, boy. Singamajigs.

41:30Singamajigs? Singamajigs. They're colorful plush dolls that harmonize. I need to start thinking stuff up. Pillow pets. Stuffed animals that convert into pillows. Those are going to be your big ones this year. Oh, yeah. Those would probably be good. Want to get out there and... You guys want to make money, man. That's what we should be doing is think about stuff. Either that or let's go buy up all these that we can and then we just run a little business from your palace in there. Sell them back to Santa? Sell them on eBay. Yeah. We should just, all you got to do is think up a funny, cute name that kids will love. Yeah, and they're, I mean, these stuff sell for like 10 bucks. Let's make a Tinky Tong. Yeah. Tongk. Ring-a-dink-dinks. That's like a lot of effort. It does. Yeah. A ding-a-dong-dong. What would that be? A Pikachu. A Pikachu. A Pikachu. A Pikachu. A Pikachu. Furby, remember Furby? Furby's, yep. Did you guys have the It toy? Furby was a big one, right? Furby was a big one. When I was little, it was the Cabbage Patch Kid. Yeah. And my mom said she got in a fight and a woman in the store trying to get the last Cabbage Patch. Yeah, you got to stand in line for those. And I think I got some black Cabbage Patch. Perfect. That's what was left. You know, all the white kids had bought all the little white ones and they had a black Cabbage Patch doll. And you were like, Mom.

42:48I want to have a little blonde Cabbage Patch doll. Because it's supposed to look like you, and you're supposed to be like, that's my baby. That's when she saw the future. If the shoe fits, L.O.B. L.O.B. likes black dudes, maybe that's why. Yeah, but the first one I think was a redhead, but then later on. Later on, once I revealed my true colors, then I got a black. I had a little Mexican Cabbage Patch kid. Really? You did? No, I didn't really. Did you have transformers, micromachines? What was cool? When I was little, it was the Shogun Warriors. They were big, tall. Well, tall to me, so they were two inches. No, they were these tall... plastic toys that if you pressed a button on their arm, their fist would shoot off. That's great. Oh, yeah. I remember those things. It's really cool. Yeah. Nerf. Rocks and sticks when I was a kid. That's all they had. Jay, here's a can. You and your brother go out and kick it. Here's some gunpowder. Go load up the cannon. I did get gunpowder one year. Here's a new musket for you. I was five years old. I got a hatchet. Holy cow. Hug Finn over there. A butter churn. Yeah.

43:57My folks were not big on getting me the big popular toy at the time. A lot of times I played with Tupperware. Really? Spoons in the kitchen. Tupperware. Little drummer boy. Explains a lot, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. I mostly got my brother and sister's broken or used toys, but then for Christmas I got that one thing. You said Nerf. I remember Nerf was huge. Oh, Nerf was huge for me. God love my dad, but it's like anything with my dad. If we tell him, hey, I really like Pop-Tarts, that's all he'll get. So we'll have 700 boxes of Cherry Pop-Tarts because he'll get a deal on them or something, right? So it was like that. I remember one year I really wanted Nerf. And I remember opening a Nerf football, a Nerf soccer ball, a Nerf boomerang, a Nerf baseball. I was like, Nerf, Nerf. I was surrounded by Nerf. Oh, my gosh. You probably still have 50,000 Nerf things. Man, those things were so fun. The Nerf boomerang. My brother used to throw the Nerf football at my head, and I'd be like, ow. Start crying. He'd be like, it doesn't hurt. It's a Nerf. It's a Nerf. It's a Nerf. Yeah, brothers didn't realize you can't throw them at somebody's eye at 50 miles an hour. As hard as you can. Yeah, as hard as you can. It's a Nerf, man. Quit crying. It's a Nerf. Sally.

45:17They hit you in the crotch with it from two feet away. It's a freaking nerf, dude. Man up. Quit your whining. 570-1949 is our number. One of the big controversies of the Joaquin Phoenix documentary was the fact that he was doing coke on screen. Casey Affleck, the director of the movie, he had an answer to it. They asked him about it. We'll tell you all about it next. And you know what else we're going to do next? The BB gun challenge. Nice. Oh, yeah. Have fun. It's next. Trade Up for Charity is a four-night stay at the Four Seasons in Maui. And it also includes, from our boy Jared, who does graphic design, a, you pick the picture, he'll make a portrait out of it. Looks like a painting. It's beautiful. Right now, the bidding for the Four Nights at the Four Seasons Maui and that, that beautiful painting. Framed, by the way, is at $1,300. Go to MikeyShow.com if you want to bid on it. They're showing that pastor on TV. He's being accused of, I guess, getting with the boys. 38 hours in contact with the attorney, claiming outrageous demands to this dog and pony show that we're seeing that began yesterday. By the way, Long's parishioners are standing by him. Take a listen.

46:57I just don't believe that's true. Man, this man loved his wife with a passion. Everybody know he loved his wife. Well, Long's church has more than 25,000 members. We, of course, are following this story for you. There it is. Crazy. They say that Woods was saying that he's a guy that is very, you know, he trumpets like, you know, homosexuality. He's anti-gay. Anti-gay. And, you know, see, here's the thing. I think that biblically you're going to find across the board that's the stance. However, there are some guys that that's like their big thing. It's their number one bit. It's their number one bit. They talk about it. They talk about it. They talk about it. And, you know, that's obviously going to come across as a little suspicious. They get caught in a hotel with a little Asian kid or something. I've seen that happen before. Sure. This guy, you know, taking some dudes down to New Zealand.

48:00And that's the deal. Anyway, word of the day's lampshade. Be listening for me to work that into a sentence. And Incorporator's coming up at 8. So, yeah, one of the big controversies with the Joaquin Phoenix movie, I'm Still Here, which is a documentary. And I say that with finger quotes. Joaquin Phoenix, he hasn't been in movies for a while. He's gone off the deep end. He wants to be a rapper. He dresses like the Blues Brothers, dark glasses, big beard. And, you know, it looked real. Well, it's come out that it wasn't, that it was a bit, whatever. To me, it doesn't matter. It still looks really cool. But one of the big deals was that he does coke in the movie. And people are like, what the heck? Like mounds of coke, apparently. So what's up with him doing coke in the movie? I really didn't ever think that people, after they watched the movie, they would think that it was still real. You know, so it was a little bit surprising. That is Ben Affleck's brother, Casey Affleck, who directed the movie. And man, does he sound like Ben Affleck. Yep. They really sound similar. Surprising when people were still asking, you know, is this a hoax or not a hoax? Was it real drugs? Was he doing real coke in the movie? Uh, no. No. I don't know. Something sounds suspicious.

49:25No, he wasn't. As far as you know. As far as you know. Yeah, splitting hairs. Yeah. Coke, not Coke. What do you want? I don't know. It's one and a half dozen, six of the other. Six of the other, you know? Bird in the hand. Yeah. That's a crow flies. An eight ball in the hand. An eight ball. So here he is talking about that famous David Letterman appearance. Most attention came from the interview with Letterman, which... I guess we learned... Now, everybody was in on it at the time, is that correct? Well, you know, neither Joaquin nor I ever talked to Dave. You know, I told Schaefer, but he's not going to tell anybody. Right. No, no, no. Joaquin and I, we never spoke to Dave. We talked about what Joaquin was going to do when he went out there, how he was going to behave. You know, he's got this beard. He's got this long hair. He hated it the whole time. He's playing this character in public the whole time. He has to stay in character. It was an amazing, amazing, committed.

50:28brave performance. See, that's when I kind of thought maybe it wasn't real because Dave didn't seem cranky enough. Oh, gosh. I knew it. Get your Dave shot in. That's going to be tonight, right? Maybe Dave goes on tonight and talks about Leno's chin. Yeah. That's a bit. He probably will. That's a bit. So, Casey, when you were talking to Leno, did his chin hit you in the face? You know it's coming, right? Well, Dave's kind of a cranky guy. And usually when he has a guest, it's kind of not. Oh, boy. Just take the high road. He doesn't know how. Just ask Conan. Ask Conan how Leno doesn't know how to take the high road. Neither of them do. Well, Dave's a little better about it. He's more sly. Clever. Which is brilliant. It's brilliant. Worthcoming, he gets more cranky, but he seemed to be enjoying it more than being cranky. And that's when I went, hey, wait a minute. Hey, wait a second. You're so perceptive, Jay. Yeah. Jay knew all along is what he's saying. He knew the whole time. Stupid Dave. Idiot. And by the way, did I tell you about my car that caught fire? Doritos. Doritos car chin. It's the only part I could really do isn't. Besides that's a turd. Yeah, mine too. He's got a very slight, slight lisp.

51:56Yeah, that kind of does. Not bad, Mike. That's okay. This is 10 ways to catch a liar. How about that? I got 10 ways to catch a liar. I don't know how accurate these are. This is what I got. My wife give you these. I was going to say, I'll tell you whether or not they were. Yeah, L-O-B. Get Jamie on the phone. We'll see how it goes. All women, right? Yep. Rebecca, the whole bit. Yeah. The whole bit. Any female. Yeah. Any female. Any female will do. Yeah. That's what I always say. Oh, gosh. Don't ignore the truth, it says. It's more important to recognize when someone's telling the truth than telling a lie because people can look like they're lying, but they'll be telling the truth. Does that make sense? Sounds very cryptic. Not at all. Didn't make sense to me either. I'm just telling you what it says. It says, while it sounds confusing, finding the truth buried under a lie can sometimes help people find the answer to an important question. In other words, why is a person lying? Doesn't make any sense to me. All right, let's go to the next one. Casey Affleck. It's the way that you know that people are lying. Too much detail. Oh, yeah. That's a good bit. Too much detail. When you say to someone, where were you?

53:23And they say, I went to the store and then I needed to get eggs and milk and sugar and I almost hit a dog and decided to go slow. But, you know, I have a I have a what do I call that? Like a counterpoint to that, Mike. So we talked a little bit last week about how our women and specifically Rebecca and Jamie back in the day used to riddle us with questions. They still do. So wouldn't wouldn't that be a good way to maybe. Stop the riddling a little bit? No, because we like to control the details. You like to control the riddling. That we're getting. So if it's uncharacteristic, you usually go, hey, I went to the store. And then you come back one time, I went to the store. It's uncharacteristic. There was a brown dog on the side of the road with one spot when I was walking home. And I was walking home because my car was having a problem with the exhaust pipe. And so you do that. Some guys are more like girls and they give that kind of stuff all the time. I'm like, shut up. I don't. I don't either. I'm a yes, no, maybe. It's better that way. Let us get the details. Yeah, then you guys can riddle us for the next hour and a half. And you will get the details. About a trip to this grocery store. Yeah. How was the grocery store? It was fine. Did you see anyone you knew? Nope. Not really? Nope. How long were you in there? About 20 minutes. 20 minutes? You didn't see anyone you knew? Not a soul.

54:44What about, was that girl working there, the one that's got the weird, the lip thing? Yeah, she was there. Oh, okay. Woods looks like, is this almost over? The guy's on the stand. Real good, suit and tie. Next question. You know what we should say to, you know what Tyrone, L.O.B.'s future boyfriend should say to L.O.B.? And you know what we should say to Rebecca and Jamie? when they're in the middle of asking these nonsensical questions. Nonsensical to you. No, nonsensical. They're headed somewhere. They're headed somewhere. When they're asking these questions, we should say, do I get a chance to call a witness? I know, seriously. I'm Jack badgering the witness. Yes. Yeah, you want to see the looks you'll get when you do that? How was the grocery store? Like usually. Yeah, it was full of groceries, a little crowded, you know. I don't know if I'd ever say how was the grocery store. What if you thought he wasn't at the grocery store, then you would. I don't know. I would just say, did you go to the grocery store or not? Yes, I did. Okay. What'd you get? Groceries. Here's L.O.B. Man, it took a while. Yeah, the passive aggressive minus the passive. Yeah, passive aggressive minus the passive. All you got was fries? Yep, that's it. That's all I wanted.

56:05It's a weird thing. You can't handle the truth. That's all I wanted. It's a weird thing to go get in the grocery store. I had a craving. You ever have cravings? Yeah, but why don't you just go to, like, McDonald's? Why don't you get a grocery store? I like the ones that they have at Statler Brothers. Oh, those are gross. Why were you there? To you, they're gross. I love them. Why did it take you 20 minutes to go get some Orida fries? It was crowded. Crowded? Crowded. Tuesday at 2 o'clock. Crowded. Yeah? Yeah, people were stocking up for football. Huh. I wonder why all those people were off work. Yeah, me too. Actually, I don't wonder about stuff like that. Listen, she's already, it doesn't matter what you say at this point, she's already let you know. You're a filthy liar. You're doing something. You're a filthy creep. Fine, I didn't get fries. I slept with a girl. That should be the new bit after two questions. You're right. I slayed somebody. Sorry. Sue me. Yeah, she goes, she goes, wow, you're at the grocery store a long time. Yeah, I slept with a girl. I slept with a girl there. I met a girl. She was stocking shelves. One thing led to another, and I slayed her in the freezer. We went to the Holiday Inn, and we got a clandestine room without anyone knowing about it. The door was on the outside of the building. Yes. And I paid in cash so that you wouldn't see it on the credit card. Can I watch the game now? Is that the difference between a motel and a hotel? I think so. The door is on the outside? I think so.

57:30Somebody will know. 5701949. What's the difference between a motel and a hotel? Someone will know. No inside hallways? Could be. Our listeners know everything. They'll tell us. They do. Here's another thing that you've got to look for. A sense of unease. Duh. See, I don't buy that because I'm pretty uneasy all the time. Anyway, we talk about it. We feel guilty. Yeah. Even when we didn't do anything, we still feel guilty. Yeah, but we can tell. We can tell that you're stressed right now, Woods. We know you well enough. Yeah. Mikey knows. Yeah. Mikey thinks I'm sad. I'm not sad. Not sad, but I told you in the urinal. You did? In the urinal? I said not sad, but you just seem uneasy and stressed. I'm stressed. He's stressed. We were sitting here, just me and Mike, last commercial break, he goes, hmm, Woodsy seems stressed. I go, yeah, he's definitely stressed. Mike, you paced for one second and then stormed out, apparently went into the urinal to go talk to him. Well, I was going to the urinal. Woodsy was finished, and so I invited him to join me. Yes. And Woodsy said, I wouldn't go in there, pal. I just blew it up. And I said, well, I got to.

58:38Now I have to. You guys take little field trips together throughout the building all the time. Walk and talk. He's trying to talk up his boy. His boy's fine. Yeah. Got a lot on my mind. I know it. Oh, wow. Look at this next tip for knowing when somebody's lying. I wonder if women ever do this one. Look for contradictions. Oh, man. They're so good at it. I thought you said you got mayonnaise. This is... Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You said mayonnaise. Yeah, I meant it. I meant mayonnaise. I got Miracle Whip. That's what I meant. Why would you? You know the difference between Miracle Whip and Mayonnaise. Of course I do. I just forgot the one time and it won't happen again. I would never stand for that, dude. I would never stand. I couldn't stand for that. I thought that you said that you had a doctor's appointment at 2.30. I did. I canceled it. What? Yeah, because it's 3 o'clock in your home. Yeah, I canceled it. I'm tired. Mike's face. I'm tired. That's weird. Oh, you canceled it? If you get the furrowed brow from your wife or girlfriend, you are in trouble. Yeah. Squinty eye. Because that's the deal. L-O-B is as calm as a cucumber when she's cross-examining. How are broads so good at it? They're so calm.

59:51You know what it's almost like, Woods? It's almost like the reason that they're so calm is because they know they're in control of it. They know that they're a cat just going like this to the little mouse and bouncing him around. You know the difference, though? I know for a fact I've caught my wife in lies. Little white lies. Nothing major. And you know what the bit is? I'm looking at her going, huh? I just go, whatever. I don't have to get her. Women have to get me. I have to. I have to. I can't let it go. I have to be like. You have to be right. I know what you did. I know what you did. I know it. Oh, I hate that. Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember. That is true. But we still get nervous even when we tell the truth because of the dudes we used to be. Sweating bullets. Yeah, for nothing. Watch for micro-expressions, it says. I always make micro-expressions. What's that? That is a micro-expression. Micro-expression is where your face will do a little something. Oh, a tiny little twitch here and there? Or, you know, like your eyes or your, you know, your eyes make a little bit of a squint or your eyes make a little bit of a something. Up and to the left, down and left, whatever. Mm-hmm. Down and to the left. That means you're lying? Mm-hmm. Down and to the left? Down and to the left is the lie. To the left, to the left. Whoa.

1:01:14But now everybody's going to be like, you just lied. Yeah. Oh, boy. Listen to the Mikey show again. Pay attention to gut reactions. People say, oh, it was a gut reaction on women's intuition. Gosh. Women's intuition is science. I just know something's wrong. I do. I know he's up to something. I do. I know he's up to something. Sometimes what you think, though, is not true. Right. I mean, it hasn't steered me wrong yet. M1, it's not porn from North County. Are you there? Mikey, first let me start by saying I have a similar background as you, so honesty is a cornerstone. You know what I mean? My wife came home and she said, have you been looking at porn? And I was blown by just the question. It was the first thing she said as she walked into the door. She looked at me and I said, what are you talking about? Such a bad move.

1:02:15She said, our son, I'll leave his name out of it, that he said he saw you looking at pictures of naked girls on the Internet. Oh, wow. And I was just stunned. How old is he? Yeah, how old? Ten. Ten. So I stopped and I realized, I just said, oh, my God. And my wife is the one who turned me on to your show. Right. Thank her for me. I said, I will. I thank her every day, as a matter of fact. There you go. I said, oh, my God, I was listening to the Mikey show earlier today, and they were talking about this Mexican. And I Google imaged her. And I was Google imaging her as my son is standing right there. And there's not porn on the Google image site, but there are some racy photos. Yeah. And that's what he saw. And my son was devastated by it. But the whole thing is that as I was talking to my wife about it, I find myself, given my history, I find myself saying, I am telling the truth, but she thinks I'm lying. So I'm doing everything I can not to appear like I'm lying while I'm trying to tell the truth. Even though you're not lying, yeah. That, what you just said right there, is the cornerstone of every guy's life that is telling the truth to his life. It sums it up. It sums it up. It summed it up right there. We're telling the truth, and we're trying to sound like we're telling the truth while we're telling the truth, which sounds like a lie. Sounds like we're lying. Yeah. I was so close to...

1:03:46I run to the computer, and I go to the part where you click on it, and it shows everything that you've looked at. History. Yeah, and I'm not a computer guy. So I go on to that, and I click it on, and my son is standing right there with us. And my wife says, you know, oh, that's not bad. And my son goes, oh, because my son kind of has that natural 10-year-old reaction. He sees something that looks away. Right. So once my wife saw that, it all panned out. The second that you were talking about telling the truth but feeling like you're lying or doing everything that you can to show that you are not lying. Well, for me, hey, listen. I realize how guys get convicted without being guilty. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you the truth, too. I'll tell you the truth. The reason that I feel guilty when my wife is asking me questions and I'm telling her the truth is because back in the day, she used to ask me questions and I lied. Exactly. Yeah, I used to. Yeah, that's why I don't argue with my wife. And so, well, I've, yeah. And so even though I don't do it anymore, that's the consequence to me being a big fat liar face back in the past. Same with her. Well, only she probably didn't feel that, you know, because she probably didn't do as much lying as I did. She's just a more honest girl to begin with. And hey, maybe you tell your kid not to rat you out to the old lady. No, no, no, no. What was funny is that my wife then, I have three sons.

1:05:11My wife then looked at my 10-year-old and said, there's nothing wrong with guys looking at girls. It's huge. Hey, pal, I'll see you out back. I'm going to need to visit with you for a minute. Go cut yourself a switch. I told my son, I said, if you ever think that dad is doing something wrong, you confront dad. Rat him out. Thank you, M1. It's not porn. I appreciate you. Thank you. I love it. So the mom walks out of the room and the son looks. at the dad and goes, wow, I tell you what, that's not what I thought. Starts to walk out of the room. Dad's like, uh, come here. Yeah. You're not just going to skate out of the room. No. I know you thought that was fun and everything, but we're going to have a little talk. Yeah, absolutely. Wow, dad. I guess I called that one wrong. See you later. Yeah. This is what we should do when we come home. We should just have a polygraph test set up there in the kitchen table. We come home. We just strap it on. We go. Store was great. Work was fine. Yes, we had a great time. We had a good show. Yes. No. Yes. She's sitting there with a pen. Checking. Question four. This is me. I'm Jamie. How was work today? It was fine. Did you see anybody after work? No. Did you go to lunch? Yes. How many people were there? Four. Really? Four.

1:06:43Four at our table. Me, Mikey, Lauren, and Jay. Four. Was there any other females besides Lauren? Yes, in the restaurant, not at our table or in our party. Did you talk to any of them? I did not. All right, this concludes our test. Does Jamie sound like Mr. Rogers? I love boys and girls. I know. How come my Jamie sounds startling like it was not? I have more. Let me just give them to you real quick. Look for insincere emotions. Like getting over the top. That's what I do. I get too mad. Yeah. Why are you so mad? Why are you so happy that you saw a duck in the park as you drove by? That's a little happy for a duck. Why are you so sad that you saw...

1:07:39a little old woman crossing the street by herself. I mean, yeah, it's sad, but man, that's a detail that you're getting really sad about. Yep. Ask the unexpected, it says. And I already said inconsistencies. Mm-hmm. That's it. They teach them, I think they teach girls this in like sixth grade. You remember the day where they separate the boys and the girls? No. They're teaching women about their menstruation and how to bust men. No, it's intuition. Intuition. What a perfect song. Oh, wow, you're 100% right. BB Gun Spelling Bee is next. Lampshade's the word of the day. So I have to make that a part of a sentence. And if I do that, and you hear it between now and 10 o'clock, 5701949, caller 9, is going to get his and her sunglasses and tickets to see Spoon. And don't forget, $1,300 is what that four-night stay...

1:09:13at the Four Seasons in Maui is up to right now. So you want to get on that ASAP. All right? All right, we're going to do a little BB Gun Spelling Bee. And this is going to be good. The way that it works is L-O-B and Woodsy. You guys have to play. I can't play. What? No. She won't play. Jay can play. Jay, can you play? My back hurts. Yeah, Jay's got a best at back. So am I playing with myself? No. Oh, wow. Instantly put his head back and laughed. I did, too. I guess I'll just play with myself. No. I'll play, but I'm not going to get shot. So I have to play with myself and get shot. Yeah. Great. That's fair. Sounds fun. You don't have to continue saying that. It's a typical Wednesday. What are you wearing, LLB? What? I'm not being a creep. What am I wearing? Yes. A skirt. Can you stand up, please? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wearing a skirt. You have a sweater on. What do you mean? What's that have to do with it? It will. The BB will not hurt. First of all, you can shoot on the butt. And last time I got bruised. I will shoot you behind the knee. What is second of all? I will shoot you behind the knee. The second of all is it hurts and I don't want to. It doesn't hurt. It hurts me. I took eight of those things. I'm sensitive. Wow.

1:10:37Do something else. All right. I'll do the shocker. I told you to do the shocker. We don't have it. Not that shocker, Jay. The little shock machine. We don't have it. Shock machine. That you put your fingers in. We don't have it. It's like me saying, Mike, I'll juggle flaming dumbbells. Yeah, get me flaming dumbbells. Get me flaming dumbbells. I don't have them. Whose fault is it? We don't have the shocker. My fault, but I don't know what to do next. So we have to. You got to do it. We have to play this game. We have to play. Okay, I'll play. You guys come up with something else that I have to do. I'm not getting shot. Eat meat. I have a sausage sandwich. Oh, no. No. Come on. Why? Something? No. Wear a meat suit like Lady Gaga. Oh, yes. Yes. I would wear a meat suit before I would eat a meat suit. Yeah, because she knows we don't have a meat suit. Yeah, because we don't have a meat suit. I will make one. I will make a meat suit. Jay will make it. I will. How? Jay will make it. He's not going to make it. You'll see. Make it out of bologna. Make a bologna meat suit. A bologna meat suit. And you'll wear it. If you get it wrong, if you get questions wrong, you'll wear a bologna meat suit. I don't buy it. Can you make one by tomorrow? Of course you can. So, Jay. I mean, yeah. I will. Hypothetically, I'll wear your hypothetical meat suit. But you're not going to have one. So, yeah. Yeah, I'll wear a meat suit. How is Jay going to make a meat suit? There's no way. He's going to make a meat suit. I can make a meat suit.

1:11:54Maybe, Jay, fishing line and a needle through some fillets and stuff? Hey, I don't tell you how to be dynamic. That's right. Fair enough. He'll figure out how to make his meat suit. I mean, I guess if Jay doesn't want the rest of his Wednesday to himself, then go ahead. Go ahead and make a meat suit. Can we make you up like a... Lady L.O.B. Lady L.O.B. Big old glasses and a big old blonde wig. I'll stand on those shoes with no heels on them. The ones that are platforms on the toes. I'll just be like, hang on. I'm a prime example. You'll wear a meat suit. I'll do it. Because I will wear a, I don't know, a finger quote, a meat suit. I'll play spelling. If she puts up the meat suit, I'll put up the BBs. Mikey's going to forget about the meat suit anyway. No, trust me. Jay sounds like he's already on it. Yeah. Okay. Question. I forgot how we play BB gun spelling bee. I think we have a listener on the line. Did we? Or no. How does this work? We didn't do a listener. We just got to shoot BBs into the people who got words wrong.

1:12:54That's easy enough. You have to try to spell. It's easy enough. Didn't we have a listener? I thought somebody won. I thought somebody won something. No? No. They win by just you being shot or wearing meat suits. When you lose, they win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait. I'm remembering now. The deal was that we got a person on the line, and we gave Woods a word, and if Woods got it right, they won. If he got it wrong, they still didn't lose because they got to hear Woods get shot with a BB. Yeah. Yeah. And we have some kind of prizes. We have something, right? We got some old highlighters. Some old highlighter pins and Woods' spit cup. My spit cup. We have some stuff. I'll find some stuff. We'll get something. 570-1949. Autograph Steve Woods baseball. Why not? I'm trying to give those away. Sure. Sounds good. Tipsy Crow. Yeah, I can get the Tipsy Crows to sign it. There you go. Okay, now all I have to do is find the words because I hid them from you guys. And I forgot where I hid them. Here we go. Yeah, okay, here we go. I got the words. All right, so call right now, 570-1949. They're calling. They want to hear it. Yeah, they want to hear it. So if Woods gets the word right, you will win. If he gets the word wrong, it's still cool for you because you get to hear Woods get shot. I don't think we should do it that way. I'll go over there. We can't.

1:14:22I'll go over there. Why don't you? Okay. I'll go over there. You go over there. Yeah, that's good. Okay, so Woods gets the BB in the butt if he gets the word wrong. L-O-B, if she gets hers wrong, she has to wear a meat suit. So I actually make out better because I can get one right, get one wrong. If she gets one wrong, she's meat suiting it up. Meat suit. For how long? Maybe the number of breaks for as many words as you get wrong. No. I'm going to wear it on the air? Yeah. Tomorrow. So as many words as you get wrong, you have to wear that number of breaks? So you guys are going to sit in here with me while I wear a meat suit. Made of bologna. That's disgusting. Made of bologna. Ew, that's going to smell so bad. I'm not going to have to worry about it because I'm not going to spell it wrong. I'm not going to get rotting bologna. Ew, a bologna is foul. We're not going to get rotten bologna. Bologna is foul. Let's see. M1 Omar from Chula Vista. Yes. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good. Let's play BB gun spelling bee. All right. All right. So, Woodsy, are you ready? I was born ready. All right. If you get it right, Omar wins the prize. If you get it wrong, he still wins because he gets to hear you get shot with a BB. Okay. Your word is catastrophe. Okay. Catastrophe.

1:15:42C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E. Catastrophe. That is correct, Woodsy. Good job. Okay, L-O-B? It's harder to do when you're not writing him down, huh? I know, it is. I almost said F in my head when he said P. You ready? I'm ready. And you win a prize, so hang on the line, okay, Omar? Hang on. M1, Brandon? Is up next. Brandon's from Escondido. Hi, Brandon. How's it going, guys? Love show. Thank you. Thank you. If L.O.B. gets this word right, you win a prize. If she gets it wrong, L.O.B. wears a meat suit. How many words do I have? Just one? I don't know. I have a total of ten words. And I agree with Woods. I mean, I think if you get a word wrong, you've got to wear a break. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Here we go. Are you ready? Okay. Your word, L.O.B., is bar mitzvah. What? This is ridiculous. What? And I'm going to give you a clue. It's actually two words. I know. I know it's two words. B-A-H space. Wait, are we talking the girls or the guys? Is there a difference in the way it's spelled? Yes. There is? Yeah. It could be B-A-H or B-A-R. There is no B-A-R. Great!

1:17:08M-I-T-Z-V-A-H. I don't know. And this is, yeah, you've already got it wrong. What the heck is it then? You want to try to spell it? I just did try. Okay, here you go. B-A-H-M-I-T-B-H space M-I-T-Z-V-A-H. You were one letter off. F-A-H. No. It's B-A-T, bat. Oh, you're right. Space M-I-T-Z-V-A-H. There's no B-A-H? No. What am I talking about? I don't know. I got it from the dictionary. Meat suit. There's one break. One break. One break in a meat suit. Oh my gosh. I want to get news crews down. No doubt. I want to get news crews down. That was fantastic. She's breaking up. She's scratching. She's red and she's sweating. She's going to be Lady L.O.B. Lady L.O.B. Lady L.O.B. Lady L.O.B. Bellum. M1 Harold from La Jolla. Hi, Harold. Hi, guys. Good. Good. I thought you were from San Marcos. Well, he asked where I'm at. I said La Jolla. Oh. He's on a job. I got you. You're on the job. That's right. All right. Woods, you ready? I'm ready. Your word is Sergeant.

1:18:32Uh-oh, he's already smiling and closing his eyes. S-E-A-R-G-E-N-T. Sergeant. Damn it! G-A-N-T. S-E-R-G-E-A-N-T. Once he gets a bullet. There you go, Harold. Here we go. Oh, misfire. Oh, wow, that got him good. That got him real good. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, it did. Thank you, Harold. All right, now we're back to L.O.B. See if we can get her for another break. Give me another word in Hebrew or what? Does it mean English words? It is an English word. I don't know if the origin is English, though. Kyle from Oceanside, you there? I could use some of those highlighters on my way to school. That's right. They're dry, so have a bowl. All right, Kyle. Let's see. All right, L.O.B., your word is...

1:19:34Daquiri. Oh, wow. Daquiri. Daquiri, the drink. D-A-Q-U-I-R-I. You were one letter R. Is there a Z in there? D-A-I-Q-U-I. It doesn't count. It's a made-up word. Daquiri. Daiquiri. That's two breaks that she'll be wearing a meat suit. How many breaks do we have in a day? Nine. Nine breaks a day? Okay. Well, we don't have that many words left. You guys are going to have to sit there while I wear this alleged meat suit. Fake meat suit. Yeah. Let's see. M1, and call 570-1949 if you want to play. M1, Andrew from Tierra Santa. You're awesome. Thank you. Thank you, bro.

1:20:34All right. If Woods gets the word right, you win a prize. If he gets it wrong, he gets a BB, so you win either way. Woodsy, your word is? A word that you've used before. Maestro. Maestro. Uh-oh. M-A-E-S-T-R-O. Maestro. No fun. No fun. No fun. You get a prize. You get a prize, Andrew. I am the maestro. Hang on. Thanks, Woodsy. You bet, man. Should have given him Mater D. Oh, man, that was tough. He likes to grease him. I like to grease Mater D from time to time. 570-1949 if you want to play. M1 Larry, are you there from La Mesa? Yes, I am. All right. L.O.B. gets it right. You win a prize. She gets it wrong. Another break in a meat suit. Let's go meat suit. He wants meat suit. Everybody does. L.O.B., your word is eavesdrop. Son of a gun. Oh, wow. Okay. Eavesdrop. E-V-E-S-D-R-O-P. Eavesdrop. What? One letter. She's lost by one letter. What is it? E-A-S-E. No. Are you serious? What is it? E-A. It's E.

1:21:51A. V. E. S. D. R. O. P. Eavesdrop. Oh, my God. That's three breaks. Oh, my God. Three breaks. I'm a good speller. What's happening? Thank you very much for the call, Larry. Larry. M1. M1 paparazzi from Oceanside. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay. I really hope you guys have a shower there because she's going to be so oily. Ew! I'm not putting it on my direct skin. There's no way that's happening. Oh, yeah, it is. Ew. Okay, Woodsy, you get this question right, then M1 paparazzi wins the prize. Okay. You get it wrong, you get a BB. Your word is sanctimonious. Sanctimonious. S-A-N-C-T-I-M-O-N-O-U-S. Sanctimonious. The letter that you missed was I. It's actually S-A-N-C-T-I-M-O-N-I-O-U-S. BB. There you go, paparazzi. Right on the tailbone. He split the uprights. Right on the tailbone.

1:23:18Thank you. Oh, man. Oh, it itches. It itches. Back. Oh, it's smart. It's smart. Back to L-O-B. M1 Kenny from Carlsbad. You there? Yeah. She gets this word right. You get a prize. She gets it wrong. Another break for her in a meat suit tomorrow. I haven't gotten one right yet. We're up to three breaks. I'm an excellent speller. Are you ready? I'm ready. Your word L-O-B is Odyssey. Oh, man. Odyssey? Odyssey. Odyssey? Odyssey. Like the book? Yes. Oh. Oh, wow. She is looking at me right now like. Okay. Odyssey. O-D-Y-S-S-E-Y. Yes! You got it. You got it. You win a prize. You win a prize, Kenny. Hang on the line. Oh, she was so happy right now. I almost fell. I stepped on the chair. She was so happy. Okay, M1 Mary from Marietta. Okay, if Woods gets it right, you win a prize, gets it wrong, you get some BB. Woodsy, your word is? Racquetball. Racquetball. R-A-C-Q-U-E-T-B-A-L-L. Racquetball. Yes! You win a prize, Mary.

1:24:39You win a prize. Hang in line. Gosh, Woods is good. One left. One word left. It's L.O.B. We'll see if she has to do another break with a meat suit. M1. Andrew? Yeah. From Tierra Santa. All right. If she gets it right, you win a prize. She gets it wrong. She's got to do another break in a meat suit. She's at three breaks in a meat suit tomorrow. L.O.B., your word is pimento. Pimento? Yeah. What the heck is that? It's an olive. A little pimento olive. Pimento cheese. Oh, son of a gun. Okay. Pimento. I don't like olives. P-O-M-E-N-T-O. Pimento. P-I-M-E-N-T-O. Pimento. Pimento is actually spelled P-I-M-E-N-T-O. Pimento. Oh, my God. Four breaks tomorrow in a meat suit for L.O.B. That's two hours. Lady L.O.B. Yeah, that's two hours. Lady L.O.B., hang on the line. Oh, no, you don't have to hang on the line. You just get to enjoy in her meat suit. Wow. Wow. That is the most fun I've had playing that spelling bee. That's brilliant. A long time. That's great. Wait a minute. So does that mean I don't get to sit down? Because I can't sit on a chair in a meat suit. Why not?

1:26:09We'll put the trash bag behind you. Yeah, we'll put a trash bag on there. We'll jimmy it up for you. We'll make sure you're happy in your meat suit. That's not possible. Gotta get a wig and glasses the whole bit. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Lady LLB. Yeah, Lady LLB. Speaking of Lady Gaga, you know that she spoke at a, I don't know what it was. It's the rally for Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Yeah. She's out on that. She's out on Don't Ask, Don't Tell. So here's Senator Lindsey Graham saying what he thinks about Lady Gaga. Now listen, this is what's interesting, man. I've always been a John McCain guy. I dig McCain. McCain, during the Vietnam War, his jet went down into a lake in Vietnam. And he broke his ribs. He broke his leg. He broke all these bones in the lake. The Vietnamese soldiers, they pull him out of the lake. He's laying there. I talked to him, interviewed him. Oh, really? Yeah. He's laying there, and they take a bayonet while he's all busted up, laying there, and they get him in the leg with a bayonet. Oh, nice. Yeah, I mean, dude, it was terrible, right? Nice. Terrible. But John McCain, he knows the military. When it comes to matters of the military, I defer to John McCain. He got into it with the press corps yesterday.

1:27:51about this whole don't ask, don't tell policy, which, you know, what they're basically saying is that people will be asked about their sexual orientation. Right. And he's saying it is not policy that you do that now. Anyway, we have audio of that. It's pretty crazy. A 17-year-old girl is suing officials that found nude pictures of her on her phone. Do you understand this correctly? 17-year-old girl. At school, by the way. She's suing because they found nude pictures of her on her phone. There's so many layers to this onion. We'll be back. We'll tell you all about what happened. You're still listening for the word of the day, which today is lampshade. And so when you hear me work that into a sentence between now and 10 a.m.

1:29:24You have a shot at winning a pair of his and her sunglasses and tickets to see Spoon. Oh, yeah. I'm Mikey. Our sports guy is Woodsy. Our assistant producer is Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's not here. She's out on maternity leave. Jay is our producer. And if you're an old-time listener to The Mikey Show, then you know that Jay used to be the promotion director at the other station that I was at. He's with us now. Still got voices that you remember. And our phone screener is Chris. Chris! It's grass. It's grass. It's grass. It's grass. Let's see here. We're going to be doing the Incorporator in just a minute. We're going to be calling a dry cleaner. That's what it is. Comet cleaner. Sweet. Let's see. Trade up for charity, by the way, is up to $1,300, which is nothing. If you want a four-night stay at the Maui Four Seasons, it's $1,300 right now. It's $900 a night to stay there.

1:30:27Right now the bidding is at $1,300. You go to MikeyShow.com if you want to bid on it. That is an unreal price. Plus, Jared from CreateYourDesignOnline.com has thrown in a beautiful... You take a picture. Let's say you have a picture of your kid. He makes it look like a painting and frames it for you. It's amazing. We have one. It's amazing. I want to do one for my family this year for Christmas. Yeah, dude. They're great. By the way... I want to remind you about Tim Pyle is going to be doing a cool show for the local 949 Presents. They're doing a big free show and a live broadcast from the Casbah. And it's going to be a night of Rock Steady Scott. It's going to be really, really cool. And this is what you got there. You got the Amalgamated, Unsteady, Otley Mercer, and the Fire Corner Sound System DJs. We're talking about free food. From Lucho Libre Taco Shop, which is amazing. They were on Man vs. Food. That's a place I've been telling you guys I want to take you guys for lunch. Line out the door. This place is unbelievably delicious food. And they're going to have free food from there. Doors open at 7. And it's going to be really, really cool. Again, it's Sunday night, 7 o'clock. Doors open. The coup d'etat.

1:31:48FTP and the local 949. They're doing this live broadcast from the Atari lounge. Going to be rad. So check it out. Okay. So we got the incorporator here in just a second. I told you this John McCain thing, right? Let me play you this. John McCain got into it with somebody because they were a bunch of reporters asking him about the don't ask, don't tell deal. He says it's not a policy now for us to start asking people about their orientation. And they get into it. I know what's being done. I know. Love McCain. Love it. He's right. Yeah. We do not go out and seek out. No one goes out to see whether someone is. We do not go out and see if someone is gay or not. We do not go out and seek.

1:33:14You can say that there's an obstinate old man, dude. Wow. You can say Santa Claus is living in a tree outside my house. Doesn't make it true. He sounded like he was playing Pac-Man in the beginning there. He's a good active listener. He had control of the mics. Yeah, apparently. Hey, I still have got to tell you about this 17-year-old girl that is suing officials that found nude pics on her phone. As a matter of fact, let's do this. We'll have you start calling now for the incorporator. What we need is 10 words for the incorporator. Woodsy's the incorporator, okay? And the way that it works is just use a regular word, you know, like... Your words could be, you could say alley cat. You could say tomato. You could say... Or tomato. Yeah, but what you don't do is you don't make up weird words. You don't use words that are just insulting. Right. That he can't work into a conversation. Like butt face. Yeah, you know, he can't really do that, you know? And so you want to do stuff that's, you know, just regular words. Haircut.

1:34:44Yeah. But, you know, the point is, how do I work these words into a conversation with a dry cleaner? Yeah. You know, that's the that's the goal. Right. Button down shirt might not be the best choice. Right. It's not. But pumpkin. Yeah. Pumpkin is because that's an obscure word when you're calling a dry cleaner place. Yep. And that's what we're going for here. OK. 570-1949. 570-1949. Okay, so before we send Woods out of the room, we've got to get these people lined up with some words for you to use. We're going to do eight words. Eight or ten. You want to do up to ten? I can do ten. Okay. I can try. All right. It's been a while, you know. Okay. So what is the deal, Woodsy, with this 17-year-old girl? There's a girl in Pennsylvania that had taken intimate photos of herself, topless. She was 17, longtime boyfriend. The only person that had ever seen those pictures besides herself was her longtime boyfriend.

1:35:44Until a teacher grabbed her phone, looked through it, gave it to the principal. She got called to the principal's office, and he is sitting there looking at topless pictures of her. Oh, gosh. And telling her, hey, you're not allowed to do this. There's a district policy that says no circulating inappropriate images or sexting. The only person she had sent them to is her boyfriend. Right, but that's sexting, is it? It's not, isn't it? They snatched her phone. They snatched her phone from her in school. So you're saying, wow, how dare a girl take inappropriate pictures of herself and then have to actually be accountable to it? How dare the principal go through somebody's phone? Yeah, it's a personal phone. It's a personal phone. She pays the bill, he doesn't. Why'd they take the phone from her? I don't know. Just as a teacher, seize the phone. Yeah, maybe they seized it because they are communists and they were just taking it. Yeah, yeah. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Yeah, keep your eyes on your own paper. Maybe she was doing something that got the phone taken away from her. Yeah, it's like passing notes. That note is your property, but if you pass it on a teacher's time. Yeah, and then this, L.O.B., it's like this. It's like you're passing notes, right? The teacher takes the note because you're not supposed to be passing notes, and there's Coke all over the paper. And you're like, how dare you take my private Coke? Coke's illegal.

1:37:06So is child porn. So is child porn. But that's not child porn. If you're under 18, it is. Oh, my God. She's 17 years old. She's sending it to her boyfriend. Right. So they can go in and grab somebody's phone just at will whenever they want. I don't think that's right. I don't know what neither of us do. She might have been playing with it. She's probably doing something that got the phone taken. Right. And you get your phone taken away. It doesn't mean they can go through it. Yeah, it does. No, it doesn't. Yeah. No, it does not. I think they can. I think they can go, like, if you're doing something in, like, a notebook or something, I think they can take the notebook and be like, what's in here? That's your cell phone. Not only that, but if there's a law or a rule, Woodsy, against sexting, how are they going to institute the rule if they don't check? I don't know, man. So you think that schools have the right to inspect cell phones? If they get it taken away, there's a real good way to make sure your phone doesn't get inspected. Keep it off and keep it in your book bag. I think parents should be the only ones. Absolutely, parents should be the only ones. People that pay the bill. Here's the deal. Let's say that the rule is that you can't be on your phone during class. Right. Okay? Well, some kids will follow that rule and some kids won't. Some kids will have their phone taken away. If my kid, if any of my kids, Jake, Luke, Ryan,

1:38:32The rule is that if you have your phone out, you get it taken away and thrown into a bucket of water, and I paid $250 for that phone, I'm mad at my kid, not the teacher. Question. Yeah. Texting while driving is illegal, correct? Yeah. Mikey's texting while he's driving. Uh-huh. You get pulled over. Yeah. Guy wants to go through your phone. It's illegal. Is that okay? It depends. I think that the policy at the school is that you can't be... sexting. But how do they know unless they go through their phone? Right. In order to be able to institute the rule, you have to be able to check. I don't know. But you're not supposed to be texting, so we'll just take your phone. The officer will just take your phone. If the rule is that they take my phone, I'm not going to look at him and be like, I was only sending one text. I was sending the smallest of texts. It's your fault, not mine. Which holds a point, though? Because if adults have to, if there has to be a search warrant in order for... you know, an official to go through your phone, then the same should apply to a kid. I guess you have no civil liberties when you're under 18. Is that right? Hey, and guess what? I mean, in a lot of kids, at least in my house, that's going to be the deal. My kid starts throwing civil liberties at me. I'll be like, that's your son. But listen, man, do you want, do you want, do you want Johnny, the PE teacher going, Hey, Jake.

1:39:50Let me see that phone. I'm going to go through it. I'm going to see what your dad's up to. I'm going to see what your mom's up to. Look at your mom's number. They're not going to do that unless he doesn't have his phone out. Don't have your phone out. There's no guarantee of that. Right. Right. If you're not following the rules. I've had many teachers that overstep the bounds just because they can. Okay, that's different. Now we're talking about overstepping bounds, which is a whole other topic. Taking the phone should be completely, they should have total carte blanche on taking the phone. I don't have a problem with that. Carte blanche, take the phone. Going through it, that is different. When that girl walks into that principal's office and he's like, nice cans, because I'm looking at them. I'm looking at your nude pictures. If you're not supposed to have your wallet out, if you're not supposed to have your purse out. Take my purse. Yeah. Give it to me after class. Oh, but don't go through it. Hell no, don't go through it. That's mine. Hey, listen. That's crazy. I say, you're a kid. This is school. Forget civil liberties. This is school. You're a kid.

1:40:48We took your phone. Yeah, we're going to go through it. We took your purse. Yeah, we're going to. Oh, what's the deal? Your civil rights are being infringed upon. Give me a break. My privacy. My privacy. I'm 17, man. It's not their job to enforce that. You can drive a car. It's a parent's job. I can drive a car. And you're going to go through my phone? Yeah. No. No. Never. I would lose my mind. Yeah, they're overstepping because it's a parent's job to control sexting, not the school's job. Exactly. The one thing that could, the exception, is if the teacher saw the picture message, if it was up and she saw what it was and that's why it was confiscated. That doesn't make any difference to me. So the other thing I'll say, it's the job of the parent to take care of what, drugs? Guess what? If it's a problem at school, then the school's going to step in and say, you know what? We have a policy on drugs too. And if we see that there may be something in your locker, we have the right to search your locker. No, that's my civil liberties. I agree with going through my locker. The locker, yeah. That's their property. Oh, that's okay. That's their property. They own the locker. They own the locker. If you use a laptop that the school issues to you.

1:41:59It doesn't matter if that's your... Yeah, you can go through my password. Oh, yeah, man. If they gave me the phone, they can do whatever they want with it. It's like your company. If your company gives you a computer and you're looking at porn, they get mad at you. You're like, but I was at my home. They're like, no, it's our computer. I would see a gigantic difference if this were college as opposed to high school. And I would also see a big difference if the kid that we were talking about was an adult. Was 18. I'd see a difference. When you're not 18, for me, it's like, hey, listen, don't give me your civil liberties and civil rights activist bit. They have to have equality as well. That's interesting. But anyway, she sued and won. She sued and won. She won. There you go. What'd she get? $33,000. Holy cow. She sued and won. Good for her. Who'd she sue? The district? The district. Because they weren't supposed to be going through the phone. No, they can't go through the phone. I'm for it, man. Well, if it's against the law, though. I would say to my son, I would look my son in the face and I would go, you know who doesn't have their phone gone through? And by the way, you know who doesn't get in trouble for naked pictures? Why do you got naked pictures in your phone? You don't? What's the matter with you? I'll send you some. Hey, listen, if she's an adult, she can have whatever she wants in her phone. Some state 17 is the legal age.

1:43:24We're at a point in our American history where 17, this is what it is. It's come to a point where I can't even be a 17-year-old kid with nudie pictures of myself on my phone anymore without my civil liberties being disrupted by a teacher looking at me bending over for my boyfriend and sending him those pictures. I cannot believe that. They should have followed protocol. How rude. Dude, you looked at those pictures that were intended for Brad. Those pictures were for Brad's eyes only. Mr. Isbell, we have a problem with your daughter. Come down and we've confiscated her phone. We think you should probably go through it. Okay, I'll come down and grab the phone. Then I'll handle it. You want some creepy fat principal sitting there scrolling through your daughter's phone? No, I don't. No, I don't. So I'm going to teach my daughter don't do that so that some creep isn't looking at him at school. She won. But you're all about following the rules, Mike. If the rule is you've got to have a warrant before you search someone's stuff like that, then you've got to go through it. Hey, listen. If that's why the lawsuit was lost, you're 100% right. And I say they were wrong if they were not following policy. I knew it would be a great story to say. Hey, listen. You know me. If the rule says, I go, that's what the deal is. I mean, why else would she win?

1:44:48Yeah, no. We're out of line. All right, Woodsy, you got to leave us. You got a bunch of words. We got words. We got words! Okay, 570-1949. Call us for a word for the Incorporator. All right, hey, he can't hear, right? Can he not hear? You got to tell me, Jay. Talk to me now. Let me make sure. Can he not hear? Testing, one, two. We're all good. Okay, cool. All right, here we go. M1, Chris, what's your word? Hey, what's up? God, you know, I'm feeling like I just listened to a Chinese ping pong match. You know, how about a phrase? I'm about to change my mind. What about I go commando? See, that's the deal. You can't work that in. Okay, how about this? How about shag? That's fine. That works. That works. Thanks. M1 Romero from San Diego. What's your word or phrase? Love Spain. Wow. Okay.

1:45:52All right. Thank you. Okay. You're welcome. M1 Matt. Yeah. What's your word? How about hairy? Hairy lip is good. Hairy lip is good. Thank you. M1 Nubian Prince from Otay Mesa. How are you? How you doing? I'm good. How you doing, brother? Good. What's your word? Umbilical cord. Oh, great one. Yuck. Umbilical cord. Yuck. What is wrong with you? I love it. Thank you. M1 Gabby from Penasquitos. Good morning. Conundrum. That would have been a great word for the spelling bee, too. Thank you. M1 Colin from San Diego. What's your word? Tuba? That's a good one. You get it. That's a good word. And that's the idea here. The idea here is to use words that can actually be worked in, but would be tough.

1:46:55Calling a dry cleaner. M1 Dane. Yes, you can. I think we could do that. Are you on a tractor right now? Gotcha. Thank you very much. M1 Frank. That's me. How about eucalyptus? Great one. Great one. Thank you very much. Eucalyptus. You're in trouble spelling that, Mike? Yes. E-U-C. A-L-Y-P-T-U-S. Eucalyptus. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. We need two more. He wanted ten. M1H1. Lugnut's good. Is he going to get mad about that? No, I thought that he was correcting you that that was his M1 name. Okay. He'll be fine with Lugnut, don't you think? Let's see. No, that ain't going to work.

1:47:59I know Woods. He'll hear Farfick Nugent and he'll be like, no. Yeah, he will say no. Yep. M1, who's this? M1's fantastic. Fantastic? What is your word? Nope. Nope. I didn't do that. Who's this? Brian? Brian, what's yours? Meat market. Got it. We can do that. I like that. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Okay, so how many is that? I think we're good. Yeah, it's 10. We're ready. We're ready to go. Okay, he can come in. Okay, Woodsy. It's getting hot in here. All right, Woodsy always gets to have the first word. Are you ready? Hang on. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he changes microphones. He's throwing headphones. He likes to work on the other mic when he does this. All right, first word. Oh, he can turn away. All right, your first word is shag. Shag, okay. Mm-hmm. Your first word is shag. All right, here we go. They can hear Woods.

1:49:28But they cannot hear me. They can hear woods, but they can't hear me. Comet Cleaners, can I help you? Yes, ma'am. I was wondering if you could help me. My name is Mikey, and I've got a sweater. Actually, I've got a few items, but I've got a sweater that's really thick. It's like a shag carpet. You remember the old shag carpet from the 70s? Yep, absolutely. It's this thick sweater my grandmother gave me, and I've got a couple stains in it. Love stains. Okay, yeah, we can absolutely help you with that. Yeah, it's actually a little sensitive. It's a love stain. Can you guys get that stuff out? I'm sorry, what kind of stain? It's a love stain. A love stain? Is that some kind of... Yeah, read between the lines on that one. We can try to get it out for you, sure. Okay, okay. I was making out with a girl. She had a hairy lip, and something actually drooled onto the sweater, and it was not good, so I need help getting that out.

1:50:43Yeah, we can help you get that out if you want to bring it in. We're open until 6 o'clock this evening. Okay. Now, what all types of things do you guys do? We recently had a baby. I was cutting the umbilical cord and got some mess on my pants as well, so I'm going to have to bring those in too. I've got some weird stuff going on. Yeah, we can help you with anything. I mean, we're traditional dry thinners. Sure. Clothes, sweaters, wedding dresses, comforters, whatever you need. Okay, yeah, I was worried. I was in quite a conundrum, man, with all these different things that I had going on with all my clothes. No, we have high-powered machines and tools that we can get pretty much just all stains out. So if you want to bring your stuff by, definitely hang out. Yeah, I will. I'm busy today. I'm actually in a band. I have tuba practice after work. But what time are you guys open till? We're open till 6. My band, we're a Michael Jackson cover band, and I do, like I said, I play the tuba. So I'm really into it, but it leaves me very little time to go run errands and stuff. So it's good that you guys are open until 6. Eucalyptus. Yeah, we open at 7 a.m. too, so you can always come first thing in the morning if you need to. Okay, okay. And there's one more thing. I've got...

1:51:53I was playing with these eucalyptus leaves, and I make my own home remedies and stuff for my kids. I've got eucalyptus stuff all over, and it's very sticky. It feels like it's not coming out. Can you guys get stuff like that out as well? Yeah, we can get sticky stuff out, stains out, grass stains, anything, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, and I was changing a tire. I flipped the lug nut off. I lost the lug nut. Got grease all over myself. I've got grease, love stains, all kinds of stuff. Meat market, last one. Yeah, you can bring us a whole big garbage bag full of your stuff. And we'll just go through it piece by piece. Okay. Well, I work at a meat market, so I'll be out of here soon. I'm going to hit band practice, and then I will be off to see you guys down there at Comic Cleaners. Okay, and you know where we're located? I know exactly where you are. Okay, cool. Thanks very much. Okay, see you later on. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. That was gross. Yeah, it was. You sweating? Did any of those irritate you? I couldn't look at him. I almost feel like we need to let Woods decide on the words, but we can't let him decide on the words. That's the whole fun. The umbilical cord thing. Kissing a girl with a hairy lip. She drooled on you. She was not happy about the love stain. You know what? When he said that, I wasn't thinking.

1:53:25gross until we started doing the bit. Yeah. And then I go, love stain. And I'm like, wait a second. Love stain. That's filthy. It's filthy. And I didn't think it was filthy until, you know, when I wrote it down. And then I'm like, oh, wow. And I even turned one away because I was like, oh, I can't do that. Yeah. Bestiality. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Bestiality. It's already on the air once. I just figured I'd repeat it. Cutting umbilical cords, having some bestiality. That is impossible. That would be impossible. I need to figure out from you, though, like how you, you know, I want to get these perfect. You got them. No, those are good. They're just the tougher, the better, man. Lugnut was hard, man. I mean, those are. There's some toughies in there. Was that right, though? Did I do it right? Yeah, you did a great job. He played tuba in a Michael Jackson cover. That was fantastic. It was great. 5701949 is our number. Oh, I got a great thing that I'm going to be bringing up to you. We're going to do the ding-dong sing-along in just a minute. Oh, and yesterday.

1:54:38Did you hear us talking about Liza Minnelli yesterday? Because we were saying that, you know, we were giving the new releases out, right? We were talking about all the new records and that Liza Minnelli had some new record out. And we were kind of having a fun time playing it. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. When we come back, turns out yesterday she sang to Oprah. Oh, thank you, Lord. We have audio. We have audio. It's next. Decorate the studio up a little bit more. Nice. Yeah. Get some centerfolds up there. Yeah, maybe some candles. Some candles. Some centerfolds and some candles. What else? Do we each get a wall? Yeah. What else should we put? I think we should put some drapes around the windows. Yeah. A hookah.

1:56:11Ooh, some orange dream tobacco. Yeah, that's a good idea. Some playmates? We can do that. But maybe also put some mauve pillows. No, what about like a baseball bat rack? That's fine. But can we also put four throw pillows? Oh, you already have that. To go with your throw. To go with your throw. That's right. The picture of you on the couch yesterday laying with the covers all pulled up. Genius. Yeah, let's get that blown up. Yeah. Put that on the wall. Did you see it? Yeah. It's hysterical. It's hysterical. Jay posted it. It's hysterical. Take a picture of me. He posted it on the internet. Somebody said Mikey looks like a burrito. On the World Wide Web. Mikey looks like a burrito. A burrito. It's racist. I'm not laughing at that. That's racist. Yeah, don't laugh at that. Don't laugh at that. I'm not laughing at that, L.O.B. Mexican-ness is what defines you. Don't, because it's just so racist. Yeah, fine. I look like a burrito. It's just so fun, that music. I know it. How about we get a nice little, we'll put a lamp over there with a nice little leopard skin lampshade. Perfect. That'll be the new motif. Leopard. Leopard. Make it like an old cougar's den in here. Yeah, exactly. We'll get that all dialed in. I can't wait. 570-1949. I bet you the studio looks exactly like this in six months. No, it will. Guaranteed.

1:57:41Guaranteed. What if it was mine? Do you know Mikey? Do you know the man sitting in front of you? No way. Man loves to shop. He loves some Z Gallery. What's that gay cooking store you go to? It's not a gay cooking store. It's a cook's paradise. It's a cooking store for gays. No, it is not. It's a cook's paradise. It's called Sir La Table. Every time I go in there, there's never a man in there. It's always women. I hear they have a don't ask, don't tell policy. Yeah, they do. It's Surlatab. Can you drop some coin in there for sure? Of course. I don't have to, though, because I have gift certificates. Everybody knows to get me Surlatab gift certificates. Wow. But now I've run out of stuff to get at Surlatab. You know what I mean? Wow. Hey, dude, I love... Here's what I got there a couple days ago. I got a spreader. What is that? For... For butter on toast. I have one too. It's called a knife. Yeah, but like what? Like a butter knife? Yeah, it's called a butter knife. I don't like that. It's like a flat rounded. Yep. Mine's a flat rounded. It's like this. I know what it is. You went in there specifically to get one? Specifically, yeah. I've got to have a spreader. You know why? Because you were eating toast? No. Butter knife wouldn't do it? Lost mine. You lost your spreader? Did I? I didn't.

1:59:08Somebody did. I don't know. It's missing in my house. I came over. I took it. I pawned it. Hi, Jake. Hi, Jake. He's playing with it somewhere? Yeah, somewhere. Maybe you guys, if you had sort of like a potluck or something, someone accidentally took the spreader with them. Maybe. Doubtful. Maybe I pocketed it. Maybe I spread my stuff with it every night. I'd be so upset. It looks like a putty knife. Uh-huh. That's what a spreader looks like. I know. And I was wandering around for so long, and finally a woman came up to me and said, Can I help you find something? I said, yes. Yes, a spreader. And she goes, oh, I'll show you. She knew right where they were. I was like, oh. Yeah. I was so happy. Don't talk to me like that. What are you doing in here, creep? You creep. Really pervert. Do you have a trench coat on? Get out of here. I go, yeah, I need a spreader. She goes. Now, before I call the cops. Beat it. Get out before I call the cops. I love toast. No, I need a spreader. I need a spreader. Get out, get out, get out. I like buns. Not your buns, just buns. Just buns. Is it? I don't even, never mind. I can't believe you went out of your way to do that trip to go get one of them. Come on, you know who you're dealing with. I can't believe it. It was so long coming. I've been without that thing now. I've been every Saturday morning, Woods. This is my routine. Toast. Sourdough toast.

2:00:27Has to be Oasis sourdough toast. Okay. Does that surprise you? No. That it has to be Oasis sourdough toast? No. It's more dense. To be toasted at number eight. Okay. Okay, on the toaster. I can deal with that. No problem there. I take butter from the refrigerator and put it in the microwave for 13 seconds. That gets it soft and pliable enough to add. But you have to have the spreader. Because if you take just a regular... Butter knife, it doesn't have enough surface space on it, and you don't get an even spread. Woods right now is looking at me like I'm a woolly mammoth. And he's like, wow, I'm in the presence of a woolly mammoth. I've never seen one in person. Or a serial killer. Yeah. For sure. And so then I make, you know, coffee. Okay. And I put the butter perfectly evenly. Every spot has to be perfectly spread. Okay. All spots must be covered. Then I have Bon Appetit Peach Preserves. Must be. Woods just covered his face with his hand. Must be Bon Appetit Peach Preserves. Do you have to say it like that every time you do it too? That's what it is. And that has to have it even spread. I know you're gay. Then I take a banana.

2:01:57I peel the banana. It must be broken in half. I will not have it if it is not broken in half. I don't like it that way. I like it broken in half. Put it on the plate. Some call it drastic measures. I call it the right way. Now, what if you have to go out of town and be somebody's house guest? Is that just a nightmare for you? Not at all. But what is a nightmare is being home. And something's out of it. Peach preserves, really? Bon appétit. Bon appétit. Bon appétit. Appétit. Bon appétit. I use Smuckers. And sometimes. Delicious. And sometimes. All American. Sometimes that stuff is not there. Smuckers. Makes my mouth water. Smuckers all American grape jelly. Smuckers. Smuckers. Smuckers is all sugar. Delicious. Don't like it. It's delicious. Make me sick. It's American. Make me sick with the sugar. It'll get me sick. It'll make me feel like I have the flu. Speaking of sick. What's the matter with you? I don't know. Oh, boy.

2:02:59He's a mess, the kid. I think the BB got impacted. Yeah, maybe. You constipated? No, I'm not constipated. I'm sorry. Are we on the radio? I'm just asking. Talking like adults. I'm getting shooting cramps in my gut. He's menstruating. Could be. Maybe that's why I've been so grouchy. I think that you could have an ulcer. I don't have an ulcer. You sure? I'm sure. Shooting pains in your stomach, I don't know why I'd think that would be an ulcer. Poop, maybe. You already did. Yeah, I need to go again. Why don't you talk to me? File papers. Oh, boy. We on the air? Yeah, apparently. M1 Daniel, are you there? What was the word of the day? Lampshade. That is correct. Great job. Got it today. I had no idea who Spoon was until I just looked him up on the internet. You get to go see him. They're really good, man. They're real good live. You get to go see Spoon. Is this on October 1st show at Soma? Yep. Okay. And you get sunglasses. His and hers. Yeah, you got a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend. Do you know a girl that is a friend of yours and you like her more than a friend but you haven't crossed into that zone yet? No comment. Oh boy. Yes. Yeah, Woods is making inappropriate gestures like ask him if he's gay. And it might be. I mean, you know.

2:04:34I'll take a guy's and girl's glasses. Oh, my gosh. All right. All right. Thanks for calling. Hang on the line. Okay. Sweating. What's the sweating? What? Made him nervous. Holy crap. Holy crap. Wow. That was your gesture to ask if he was kidding me. L.O.B. L.O.B. Oh, my. L.O.B. was right. No, I wasn't. I felt like you were right about to say it. No, I was going to say, what are you doing? Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Sugar! File Under Easy Listening is the name of the album. Oh, I feel goofy today. Ooh, it's hot in here. Yeah, it is. It's because you're drinking Sunny D. Pick up all your clothes. It's because you're drinking ghetto juice over there. Yeah, where'd you get that from? 1997? I had two this morning. No wonder. Wow, they're so good. Soda, purple stuff, OJ. Oh, Sunny D. Yeah, what's ghetto champagne? You know what that is?

2:05:32MGD. Is that what they call it? Miller High Life. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Miller High Life. That's the champagne of beers. What am I thinking? Get a mimosa is Sunny D and champagne? Delicious. Sunny D and beer, maybe? Heartbeat. You never had Sunny D? Me? Yeah. Oh, it's good. I think every kid. It's got an aftertaste. It does. Man, dude, I remember Tang. I don't think they even make it. I didn't think they made Sunny D until I saw that. They still make it? Yeah, and I keep telling my wife to... Get it and she always forgets. You know what, Woods? I bet, because I have found this, I bet if you had it now, it might not be that good to you. I promise you. I can taste it right now. The ice cold that's been sitting there overnight and you get it in the morning and just... What about Five Alive? Did you guys have that? Oh, Five Alive was delicious. I think that's gone. I remember Five Alive. Five Alive. My mom always got me the grape juice in the can. Welch's grape juice in the can. I was jealous of people that had that. Do you guys remember when beer used to come in cans that you had to press your finger down to open it? No. You had to go and pop a perforated top. The reason they stopped making them, people cut their fingers. Well, they used to peel off. You probably don't remember. Yeah, the answer to the peel off was these perforated. Yeah, it had a little thing.

2:06:50Pushed in? You did it with your thumb, though. Oh, really? Yeah, people started cutting their thumbs. Oh, I thought it had a little metal tab that kind of pushed it down. Well, there was one. Yeah, that was the other. That's what they have now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have now. I loved Capri Sun so much. I remember the first day it came out. You do? Yeah, getting some, going to the park and was like, pop, pop, because I'd seen the commercials. Maybe not the first day it came out. The first day, I got it. If I tell you what I remember the first day that it came out, you're going to go, wow, that is the diary of a fat child. What? I remember the first day that the candy bar, whatchamacallit, was available to the public. Whatever it is, whatever it does. Welcome to Diary of a Fat Child. Yes, welcome to Diary of a Fat Child. Today we join Mikey on September 21st, 1980. Here's Mikey as a 10-year-old fat child. And today, little Mikey is waiting in front of the drugstore for the drugstore to open. He's been camping there all night. When the store opens, he'll rush in. He'll be the only one. Don't know why he's rushing. No other children have actually been camping out waiting. But when they open the door, he'll rush in and ask the manager of the store, What's the rush we call it? They're right here, son. We just put them out. You're the first one. Get out of my way! There's no one here, son. It's just you. You're the only one here, Mr. M. Take the whole bath. Mr. M. The whole phone.

2:08:17Did you feast that day? Give me my whole box. Did you feast? Yeah. They're so good. I'll eat them right now. Oh, they're delicious. Do you remember the marathon ones that had the caramel covered in chocolate and they looked like a rope kind of thing or a ladder? What was the best candy bar? When you were a kid? Milky Way. Reese's. I like a payday. Reese's peanut butter cups. Payday and a Coke. Payday's I didn't really dig. Reese's doesn't count as a candy bar. Yeah, it does. It's a candy. It's in the candy bar aisle. Not enough of them. Doesn't it? Yeah, there's never enough. If it counts, then it's my fave. Oh, they're the best. But if you're talking straight up bar, Milky Way. Sienna's brother came in one time at the old station. I don't know where he got it, but he came in one time and he had, it was like a one pound. He brought it to the meet and greet. Yeah, at one animator. It was this station. Yeah. Well, he had brought it to the other. He did too. Yeah, yeah. But.

2:09:17Where do you get that? I don't know. It's like a one pound Reese's peanut butter cup. It's so big. Hey, there's two great tastes. You guys used to get Peeps for Easter? Yeah. Marshmallow. Still do. I'm out on those now. Me too. I don't like Easter with the chocolate bunnies. I don't like big chunks of chocolate. I don't like the Easter candy at all. Nobody really ever eats that. Jelly beans? I like jelly beans. I love jelly beans. Too many jelly beans. I like jelly belly jelly beans, but not like the generic red, yellow. I like generics. No, I hated. Hated biting into a chocolate egg and goo coming out. Ew. Cad berries? Those are weird. I could eat them, but I didn't really dig them. Ew. It's filthy. You ever bite into a Reese's and get powder inside? You never had a rotten Reese's? Are those the cocaine-filled ones? No. They're the ones that have been sitting on the shelf for too long, and you're like, you get an ice-cold DP, and you crack it open, and you pull it out, and you bite into it, and it goes... Powder? Powder. Peanut butter is no longer, like, moist. How long? It's been a while. And it's happened to me and my buddy. Were you in a bomb shelter? No. It happened to me and my buddy, Kevin, like 60 times. I'm telling you, still. I'm not kidding. He counted. Still, to this day, I'll get one every now and then. Oh, boy. And I flip out. Is that a fake bit? Like the girl that called and said, yeah. Kevin, if you're listening. I get a chicken in my egg. If you're listening, and I think you are, 570-1949. 60 times, Kevin? Easily.

2:10:37We always used to get them. What about bonkers? Do you guys have bonkers? Oh, my God. The things rolled in the... It looked like gum, but it was a chewy candy. Don't remember them. Boppers was a good candy thing. Whoppers? No, boppers. Oh, I never heard of that. The peanut butter rolled in, like, nuts and all kinds of stuff. It was like a granola bar. I'm so good. I'm all of a sudden really hungry for candy or donuts. When you guys were kids, did anybody tamper with candy? Halloween? Yeah. You'd always hear the bits. That's the thing. I was just going to say, you heard the bits. I heard it, but it never happened. There's going to be razors. Razor blades. What about the white? Never happened, though. Seinfeld would talk about that. The white bag with the mystery candy inside. You know what I'm talking about? It would be like a trick or treat bag and it'd be filled with like crappy candy. Like that they made homemade or something? What about like you'd get popcorn balls? Oh, I love a popcorn ball. Give me a Snickers bar. You know who's a jerk? Who? Freaking pennies and little...

2:11:40Toothbrushes. Oh, yeah. Really? With your toothbrushes? Toothbrushes? You have to elevate. No, I wouldn't. But I remember, like, some people would come to the... You couldn't get away with this now. They would come to the door with, like, a plate of, like, ants on a log, like, celery. Be like, you're getting enough candy tonight. Have some of this. Maybe don't shove your values down my throat. I'm just watching candy. Jay, you got religious kooks that gave you stuff? Yeah, we get the religious. There's somebody on our street that gives out the religious. I think they call it tracks. You know, where it's like Johnny was not a bad. It's a little pamphlet. And it's like Johnny was a bad kid. He trick-or-treated or something. Oh, boy. He trick-or-treated. Give that to me with a Snickers bar. All right? Yeah. Well, that defeats their purpose. You want to do your bit? Fine. M1 Greg has a good old-time memory that he likes from Chula Vista. What is it, Greg? I've seen that stuff. Yeah, me either. I've never had it. I've seen it on Christmas Story. Was it good, Greg? Oh, you put a few scoops in there, and everything comes floating to the top. Oh, yeah, that powder comes floating to the top. It's like when you make hot chocolate powder. Like when you make quick. Yes. Ew, I never liked that stuff. With the tin thing, you pull the top off and scoop. To make chocolate milk. Yep. Tasted good, though, didn't it? Yeah. You bought this stuff. How come you just don't go one step higher and get the real stuff? Get quick.

2:13:03Yeah, I got the syrup. The Hershey syrup. Syrup was good. That for me came later. They didn't invent it when I was real little. It was only the yellow can of Quick. With a bunny on it. With a bunny on it. You guys ever have Yoo-Hoo? I've never had a Yoo-Hoo. We had the strawberry Yoo-Hoo. Oh, that's the drink, right? Yeah. Is it carbonated? Hey, Mikey, Sienna's on the phone. We need a break, but Sienna's on the phone. All right, well, let's talk to her when we come back. Oh, perfect. And I bet she's got some good ones. This is one of those times where she's like, she's like nutty bars. Yeah. All right. We'll talk to Sienna next. We got Sienna on the line. I'm going to talk to Sienna. Hi, my darling. Hi, guys. How are you? So I was just sitting with my brother and we were listening to you guys talk about candy and then you got to Halloween candy. Yeah. And he reminded me. Oh, boy. In our neighborhood, one of our neighbors on Halloween gave away goldfish. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Mike, they were literally goldfish. They were fish made of gold. They were worth $25,000. But it was so weird because they must have had, like, a huge bowl of, like, hundreds. So were they putting them in bags? Were they in baggies? Yes. Holy cow.

2:14:47It's so like, you know, you see kids walking around the neighborhood with their pillowcase filled with candy, and then in the other hand is a bag with a goldfish. Yeah. No, I pictured a kid emptying their pillowcase out, and all this candy falls out, and a flopping fish. Yeah, exactly. A real goldfish. Yeah. Well, there were probably those smart kids that did that, too. That just gave me a good bit idea. What? Maybe I'd hand away just turd candy at my house and get audio of it, these little kids. Sienna. Or like awful prizes. Sienna, since your brother's there, ask him where he got that killer big old giant Reese's Pieces. My grandma gave it to him. That thing is awesome. My brother's obsessed with him and he won't eat that Reese's. He's probably going to have it until he's like 80. It'll turn to powder, trust me. He's really proud of it. Oh my gosh. I want one of those. I want to find out where she got that. It's enormous. Okay, well, I just wanted to call because you know how I love to talk about food. So how are you? How's the baby? Baby's good. I'm just at my parents right now. I walked her over here. Sweet. And I was just having some breakfast with them in the kitchen. My mom's a happy grandma holding her right now. Nice. Did you see the pictures of the baby in the bikini wearing the sunglasses? So cute. She's an angel. She is. I love it. I know. We had a photographer come over and take those, and I'm so obsessed with them. She's growing so fast. Looks like she's eating well.

2:16:09What? Real well, you know that. They don't just run. They gallop. They gallop. Giddy up. All right. Okay, well, I miss you guys. Miss you too, babe. We miss you. Love you. Be good. We call in every few days. You know that. We love you. See you on Monday. Love you. Come back to work. Love you too. Bye. Bye. Every time. Maybe you come back to work. Bye. Hey, Sienna, when will you be back? We love you. I felt bad. I hope she doesn't feel pressure. I know. Because I don't want her to feel pressure. I really don't. I know. I don't. I don't want her to feel pressure, but I miss her. I know. Me too. But I want her to come back. You don't want her to feel pressure. Stop pressuring. But I don't want her to come back and be like, oh, I should be at home with my kid. Yeah. But maybe just come back. We'll just sort it out here once you're here. I know it. I miss her. She's part. She's like a, we're missing a leg right now. I told her yesterday, I said, our show can be good. But it can't be great without you. Exactly. It won't be normal until you're back. Stop back to normal. Yeah, we want Sienna back. All right. Maybe we don't eat until she comes back. Yeah, we do a hunger strike. We do a hunger strike. And am I? That's not pressure, right? Yeah. You guys. The Local 949 is having a free show, live radio broadcast, the cast bod this Sunday. Or wait, wait, wait, wait. Am I right? This Sunday. Yeah, it is this Sunday. It's the 26th.

2:17:28A Night of Rocksteady Ska. It's going to be the Amalgamated Unsteady, Otley Mercer, and the Fire Corner Sound System DJs, and Lucho Libre Taco Shop. That's a Tim Pyle thing? Yep, it's a Tim Pyle thing. He has beautiful hair. That's right, buddy. Actually, he doesn't. He's bald. And they're doing free food. It's going to be awesome. Doors open at 7. The Coup d'Etat, FTP, and Local 949. They're going to be broadcasting live. It's going to be cool from the Atari lounge. This is a fun thing, man. And so if you can make it, please do. Doors at 7. Very cool time. Very fun thing. And so check it out. Speaking of food, have you ever had any of these? Would you like some of my goji berries? Try one. Try one. I did. You didn't. That was a lie. I don't want to, though. I don't want to. They're good in cereal and yogurt. They're good if you're stranded on an island and have nothing else to eat. Yes, they've got the most revered sexual tonic herbs in Asian herbalism. There you go. Watch out, Rebecca. Get some. They're foul, aren't they? They're filthy. They're not filthy. He didn't eat them. They're still in his hand.

2:18:42They're not. Oh, okay. They're filthy. I just look like a little kid. They're not. Those are disgusting. Are they not? I ate them. They're so disgusting. Goji berries. So gross. So gross. They're not. Relax. He just hid some. He didn't eat them. I don't want to eat them. He didn't eat them. He didn't eat them. He didn't eat them. You don't have to eat them. Eat them. Why does he want me to? They're expensive. Because I want you to eat them. They are expensive. Put them in your mouth. He just smelled them. It's like really, really bland raisins. How come you eat them? Because of the sexual tonic. They're supposed to be, you know, high in antioxidants, and I like them. Antioxidant bit. Eat them. Oh, aren't those gross? Oh, they're so gross.

2:19:47You know what it tastes like? Dirt. If they were able to get hay inside of... The essence of hay. The essence of hay. And alfalfa. Inside of a little berry. I mean, like, she brings in. I hear Chris is in there laughing. Chris, get in here and eat a goji berry right now. Come here. She brings stuff in, and I'm like, oh, that's trail mix. I'll try that. Dried cranberries and apricots I've never really liked, but I can wolf it down. Those are repugnant. Get you a handful of those, pal. That's terrible. Chew them up real good, Chris. Oh, look at that face. Look at that face. Yeah, she snacks on those. You know what shocks me? What shocks me is that that is able to stay in business because you would think that a person would try that and never buy it again.

2:20:37They'd be like, oh, yeah, no. Any accidents are not. They'd be like buying a slap in the face. Yeah, exactly. A kick in the voice. You open it up and it slaps you in the face. You're like, oh, that might be good for me, but I ain't doing it again. That's what comes with my granola that I put in my yogurt every morning. It's better when it's mixed in with something that- Yeah, apple pie. Cheesecake. Bacon. Because they're dried out, so if you add a little bit of milk or yogurt to it. Don't make me eat things anymore, Woods. So gross. The thing is, I constantly just like to munch on things, to shoot things. Yeah, maybe bacon bits. Well, that's the thing. Bacon bits. If I had that in front of me, I would eat bacon bits, but I got to keep the healthy stuff here. Bacon bits taste so good. They are so good on a salad. So salty. So good. Where's my five myths about Mexican food? I'll do Woods of Wisdom in a second. I don't know. It's in here somewhere. Oh, you have it. I got it. It's the new booth. All right. Let me see them, though. Yeah, I can't really speak intelligently on that. For me, it's just food. It's just food. Comida. By David Suarez. Weird. Weird. Myths. These are myths about Mexican food. One of the myths about Mexican food is it's all carbs, carbs, carbs. Really? I never thought that. You didn't? What about beans? Burrito? Beans or carbs? Beans, carbs. Really? Maybe she doesn't know what carbs are.

2:21:59I think she does. But beans weren't protein. But what about rice? Yeah. What about like pasta? Things like that. I bet beans were a source of protein. Yeah, they are. But they're carbohydrates. They're carbs. Even I knew that. I'm fat. You know, what isn't carbs is meat. You know, meat's meat. Cheese. No, carbs. Cheese is protein. Cheese is also big time carbs. Dairy. Nuts. Oh, no, no, no. She is right with the cheese. Yeah, dairy, nuts, meat. The staples of Mexican cuisine do include corn and beans, which are full of fiber, but also vitamin-rich peppers, tomatoes, and fruit. Authentic Mexican food incorporates seasonal produce, fresh cheeses, seafood, herbs, and meats, as well as complex carbs. Do you know what I want to eat so bad? Ooh, I just thought of it. No, Woods. Woods went to Acapulco and said it was the best Mexican food he's had in San Diego. Oh, by far. Night and day. He doesn't like authentic Mexican food. It was so good. Yeah. I go, you know what they probably did? They probably opened up a bag that said cheese on it. Yep. Yeah. It was delicious, whatever it was. What do your guys do? My guys great cheese. Fresh. Do they? They great cheese fresh. As far as you know.

2:23:16No. As far as you know. You can tell. You know how you tell? You can taste. You know how you can tell? How? It's soft. Mine, this was, these were very soft. Yeah, soft like little pieces of plastic. No, delicious cheese. That have been carved up into cheese. Soft cheddar cheese. Anyway, you know what I just thought? You haven't been to Los Olas. No. What is it? Coast Highway? Yeah, there's two of them. There's one in Carlsbad Village there, and then there's one right on the coast highway there. Let me tell you. It's good. Good sunset, too. I'll be eating some good Mexican food this weekend when I travel home to Dallas, Texas. Yeah, and you go get your Tex-Mex. Every meal will be Tex-Mex. Yeah, dude. You know what? You can make it yourself. You just go to the store, buy some onions, chop them up, and put them in a pan. That's Tex-Mex. Is it? Yeah, it's onions and peppers. I forgot Mexicans don't use onions and peppers. Not like that, dude. Fajitas? Is that Tex-Mex? Yes. Delicious. I like fajitas. I do, too. I do, too. It's just, you know, that's basically all it is. Tex-Mex. Really? What else is it? It's delicious. Enchiladas.

2:24:20Enchiladas, as Mikey would say. Yeah. You know what the enchilada sauce came from? A jar that said enchilada sauce on it. Sorry, it didn't come from TJ? No. It just needs to be homemade. Why? So it tastes good. So what if there's a Tex-Mex restaurant with homemade stuff? Because there are. There is? Uncle Julio's, yeah. Delicious. Joe T. Garcia's, delicious. Are you naming a bunch of places in, like, Addison, Texas? No, Fort Worth, downtown Dallas. That's really relevant in San Diego. This guy kills me. So, you know what I want to take you to? What? Do you like seafood? Yes. Los Olas. I don't like ceviche. No. It does have good ceviche. He sounds like Jake to me right now. I don't want that. Jake and Rebecca. Yes, Jake and Rebecca. They do this seafood. thing. It's a hot skillet with butter and it's got like simmering onions, simmering. Oh, you didn't use onion? No, dude, they do. It's like a seafood combo or something. Yeah, dude, seafood. It's like scallops and shrimp and onions sautéing in this hot thing of butter. Is that el mojo or something? I don't know what it is. You just spoke better Spanish than I've ever spoke, though. And you take that, dude.

2:25:39And you spoon it onto a warm tortilla. Warm flour tortilla. Warm flour tortilla. You can get flour if you want. And then you get some homemade refried beans. And you scoop some of that on there. And then I like a little side of guac. Yeah. Put some of that. There's another one with that. I'll go today. Maybe a little dollop. Their guac is fantastic. Oh, yeah. Can we do our meeting there? Please, can we? Yes. I'm 100% in. Let's do it. I'll buy. Yes. Jay's shaking his head no. We can't do it. Anytime we do a meeting. We're doing it. Yes, we're doing it. Anytime we do a meeting that's not here somewhere else, we don't have a meeting. We will. Three to one. We will. We've got plenty of material. We're fine. Do we? Really? By plenty, you mean none. No, we have plenty. No, we don't. Yeah, we do. I've got a day in the can. Oh, boy. Woods. You're not going to have much more after this meeting. Another myth about Mexican food is that it's always spicy. No, it isn't. It's not always spicy at all. They have a lot of chilies, in fact, that aren't spicy. Yeah. Ancho chili. Poblano. Yep, poblano. Chipotle. It's not hot. Smoky. Mm-hmm. Another myth about Mexican food is that all Mexican meals have to be grande or muy grande. Muy grande. And they don't. Overstuffed burritos and oversized stuff like that. By the way, this was the craziest thing. Rebecca says...

2:27:01she wanted to cater our first night of growth group tomorrow night. And I said, let's do... Mama Testis? Yes. Jay is reading my mind. Mama Testis. And she goes, okay. She says, you know, do you want to hook that up? I said, no, I don't want to do it through like, you know, because I don't want Caesar to feel like he has to cut me any breaks. And so she called and she said, you know, she started to make the order and she wanted to know if this would go good with this. She's a white girl. I wasn't around. And she said that the girl on the phone said, hang on a second, let me let you talk to Caesar. And so Caesar gets on the phone and he tells her all the stuff and he goes, and, you know, usually we don't cater.

2:28:05for that many people, but I'll do it for you because you're Mikey's wife. And she goes, how do you know that I'm Mikey's wife? And he goes, we know everything here. And she was like, no, really. Really, how did you know? And he just laughed and he goes, we knew. We'll take care of it. That's huge. Hangs up. She thinks it was the caller ID. Yeah, it has to be. It has to be, right? And you guys had booked for a party you had before. I know you had food when we did that meeting or pool party that we did at your house. So they probably had you on record. She thought he had special powers. He probably does. He beat Bobby Flay. He probably has special powers. Okay. Chimichanga is Mexican food. You're going to get purists. That will say, plebeian, it's not real Mexican food. Chimichanga. I love chimichanga. Chimichangas are something that white people came up with and introduced to the culture. It has nothing to do with traditional, authentic Mexican food. Why is Neil Diamond talking about Mexican food? Yeah, apparently it can be.

2:29:25it can be Mexican food, and in some parts of Mexico, it is traditional. Well, anything that's deep fried has got to be somewhat new age, right? It can't be traditional. We didn't get the fryers going until recently. Yeah. And the last myth is that Mexican food's monotonous. No, I don't think anyone's ever said that it's monotonous. Yeah, I know. It's delicious. You think that David Suarez is projecting? He probably lives in Dallas. Yeah. Does it say anything on there about... Nope. Because it does. No, because it does. Because all the fiber. Yeah, beans. Beans will get you. Beans, beans are the magical fruit. The more you eat them, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel. So let's have beans for every meal. Yeah. I've never heard either one. What? Beans, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat them, the more you fart. That one I heard. Think of some other funny ones like that from when we were a kid that don't have to do with that, but just funny little lines. There once was a man from Nantucket. No, what? My kids, Jasper and all his buddies were saying one. They were going, the milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner, fudges made. Yeah, I know that one. What about when you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea? Yeah, I remember that too.

2:30:36I wonder who the first person. Brilliant. But when you think about it, that person had to say, beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat them, the more you toot. Yeah. One person. Unless it was a collaborative effort between children, which I don't think it was. Kindergarteners all in there. Yeah. I think that it was one kid's dream up. Yeah. But then it spread. How does it spread? How? You tell a friend. They tell a friend. They love it. They think it's brilliant. They tell a friend. But imagine the popularity of the kid that did make it up because he must have been. I swear I made it up. Trademark it. Got the money out of it. Yeah, sure you did. You can't say that. I trademarked that. Think of the other stuff that he must have authored that we don't even know about. He probably didn't get credit. His unwritten work. Yeah, his unpublished works. Over there like kicking dirt in the corner. I said it. I said it. Did you ever do the big X, little dot? Question mark on the back. You do it on somebody's back. Marks a spot. Ocean breeze. You blow on and then down. Yes. Oh, yeah. You do Rose Garden. You know the Rose Garden? Somebody try it on me and see if it works. Here, I'll come in. No, not Rose Garden. Ow! What? He just gave me a rug bird. Indian bird. A rug bird. Whatever. I rubbed a rug on L.O.B.'s arm. Big X. Little dot. Question mark. Marks a spot.

2:31:56Wow. It worked. What does it do? It gives you the chills. Make sure we get in the knees. Stand up, stand up. You got big X, little dot, question mark, marks the spot. Ocean breeze, down to your knees. Now you're chills. It does give you the chills. Oh, man. Did you guys do Bloody Mary? Oh, yeah. Bloody Mary. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. What is that? Where you put two fingers under people. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather. And you're trying to get them to levitate. Yeah. You never did that? I never did. That one I don't know. Do you ever build a house of cards for a girl that came over to your house? How about the right I love you in your hand? That's always a good bit that only one person ever has done. You can't replace a bottle with a bottle of Tabasco, Mike. I never did that. What about a bottle of tequila?

2:32:55What about a pepper, Mike? Did you ever play spin the pepper? Spin the burrito, Mike? Did you play that? Spin the rolled tacos? I'm sorry, Mike. Spin the flautas? Yeah, chimichanga, let's be honest. Spin the chimichanga? I know we have a schedule of things to keep to, but I'm pulling something from the box. Really? How do you feel about that? I'm fine with it. We do have to break as well. You're a minute away. Everybody's screaming at the top of their lungs. Actually, technically, we're two minutes over. Oh, it's true. She speaks the truth. I do. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Gotta get one. Here's a question for us here on The Mikey Show. And then I want M1s to call.

2:34:00And you have to pick a person on the Mikey Show to answer this question. Huge. And we have to pick a person on the Mikey Show to answer this question. If one of us needed to move in for a year, who would you want it to be? 570-1949. All right, so we want to hear how you would answer this question. But you have to answer with either me or Woods or L-O-B or J or Sienna. Even though she's not here, you can still answer with Sienna if you'd like. And the question is, if one of your friends needed to move in for a year, who would you like it to be? And why? Call us 570-1949 and you got to pick one of us. You want me to start? Yeah. Woods. Surprise, surprise. Weird. It'd be fun. And, you know, I wouldn't have to whine.

2:35:23at him about, you know, just come over and watch this, come over and watch that, blah, blah, blah. You know, be my captain. Be great. I'd be like misery. Yeah, I'd hobble you. I'd hobble you. I wish I knew how to quit you. All right. Jay played that. L-O-B. I know her. Sorry, guys. We should say she can't. No, she can. Why? We should say she can't. Just to see who she would pick. She can. Sienna, why? She'd pick Jay, dude. I know she would. No, I would pick Sienna because... If you couldn't pick Sienna, you'd pick Jay. Oh, yeah, I'd pick Jay. Yeah, see? She hates us. I thought she was going to say Jay. No, I'm going with cleanliness is a big thing for me with living with someone. Yeah. And I think Sienna, when I would take turns cleaning things, cooking. Yeah, he cleans up the studio. Him and I clean up every day. All the time. I rearranged all the furniture out here. You got it all straightened out? Looks real nice.

2:36:24Is that you that straighten it all out? Oh, yeah. That's good. But Sienna would help make my house a home, too. Yeah, that's true. But if I couldn't pick Sienna, I'd pick Jay. Sorry, guys. Sweet. Jay? This is going to sound weird, but I'd pick Sienna. You would? She's got a little baby. No, the little baby. I would love to have the baby. What if she didn't have a baby? No, git. Then I would probably pick... Git! Let's see. I'd be a toss-up. It probably would be Lauren. Because I'm clean. Because she's clean. Yeah. Really. I'd take Mike. We'd have a blast. Weird. We would. We'd have a blast. We would have so many bits. You guys are just nude laptop together. 100%. We'd have so many bits. What if you couldn't pick me? Sienna. Why? Jugs. Jugs. Jugs. His answer is Jugs. Of course. So you could just look at them? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. If you had Mikey staying at your place, you'd eat real good. No, you know why I would take Sienna? It's because she's the most like my wife. And she would be like, hey, I made you some food. Come get it. Or like, I'll pick up your stuff. She's so much like Jamie. It's funny. She would finally get tired of telling you. Yeah, so she'd do it. And she would just pick up the stuff. She's more like Jamie than L.O.B. Yeah. L.O.B. like, permissive!

2:37:47Jay would be like, Woods, I need your help doing this fixing project. L.O.B. would kill me in you. No, I just wouldn't. I've always, I know that, oh, it's going to go against what I said before, living with a guy or at least spending time at his place because I want to see if he's clean or not. I can't date a messy guy. I'm not going to, I'm not, I want to have kids someday. I don't want to have a big kid for the rest of my life. Tell that to Rebecca. Like Mrs. Woods. I wonder who Sienna would pick. Get her on the phone. I need to know. I have to know. Sienna, call. Quick. Jay's going to call her. I'm going to say she'd pick the kid. I think she'd pick Jay. I'm going to say she can't pick Lauren. Why? Because it's too easy. It's a girl. I think she would pick Jay. I think she'd pick me. Because Jay would be real fixy around the house. I think she'd pick the kid. Because I'm most like Todd. I think so. Seriously. She might pick me because she knows me so well.

2:38:47And she knows how to just get me to do whatever. She does. She can take care of you. She's really good at that. Yeah, and she'd get me to do her bidding. Bidding? She could get me to do her bidding. Bidding? Yeah. You never heard that phrase? I'll get you to do my bidding? No. Yeah, it means that, you know. You'd do her eBay for her? No. You would manage your PayPal account? Yes. Let's see. M1, Jordan from Lemon Grove. Who on the show would you pick to live with you for a year? I would L.O.B. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. I wonder why. How come? Hi, Jordan. Hi. Yeah, she's, well, she's, like you guys said, she's clean. She seems like a really fun person, and nothing but she's Foxy. Yeah. Foxy. That's the real reason. That's the real reason. All of the above, yes, are true. M1 Johnny from Lakeside. L.O.B. L.O.B. Yes. Of course. Yes. What? I mean, she's. She's really funny. I mean, she's very, very funny. Is that why? Yeah, that's why. She never gets enough props. And who are those other guys on the show? What if she was funny like Roseanne, you know? Yeah. Roseanne's funny. Yeah. Oh, I'd still take her. She's got a good voice. Thank you. Thank you. M1 Snowman from Carlsbad. Really? For God's sakes. Really? Yes. Why?

2:40:10Yes. Well, I mean, if I had a bad day at work and I come home and I want somebody to cheer me up, she could just give me one of her comedy skits. Yeah. I could dance my way into your heart. That's right. Out of trouble. That's right. Among the fact that she's a beautiful lady. There you go. Imagine that. There you go. Thank you very much. Nobody on the show wants to live with me. All the listeners. Yeah. All the listeners do. M1 Craft. Hey, I would definitely choose you, Mikey. Why? Why? We got a big Mexican family and one more mouth to feed. You'd kind of just sit in my face. Yeah, because you're sweet and brown. Yeah. You know why I'd pick you, Mikey? Because you could cook a lot of Mexican food, and I like it. I didn't say you could cook it, but... You could eat it. I could eat it. Yeah. I'll feast on it. Okay, thank you very much. Have a good one. M1 Scuff from Bonita. Hey, yeah, I'd have to pick the kid, would it? Not a kid. Yeah, there you go. There you go. How come? Why? Oh, dude. Awesome, down to earth, dude. Always down to drink a brew. Come on now. That's right. That is true. Except during the week. Or during the day or during a sporting event. Or during the day or while playing golf or at the beach. Yes. But on a Friday or Saturday night, I'm all yours. In Vegas. In Vegas. At Club Pure. All right, see you. If there's a special occasion. Yeah. M1 Rick from San Marcos. I would pick.

2:41:29Jay, because he's always doing activities. He's going rock climbing. That's good. That is true. Jay would take you rock climbing. He would take you serving anything athletic. Jay's your guy. Or not athletic, but like outdoors. Outdoors. Thank you very much. M1 Kaleidoscope from Point Loma. Yes. Who would you pick? I would pick L.O.B. Of course. Yo. There seems to be a theme with the L.O.B. pickers. Yeah, they're all men. They're all men? Yeah, of course. But, well, let's say to start, well, she'd make me laugh, right? Yeah. I'd eat better, which means I'd live longer. Yes. I've kind of heard L.O.B. on the radio. She's affectionate. She's motherly. I mean, what? That's right. With my men. Yeah. With her men. Oh, right, right. Got you. Thank you. Thank you very much. He's all embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. Blushing? I am blushing. M1. M1, Daniel from Mira Mesa. Who would you pick? Weird. I don't know. She's so happy. How come I'm single? All these guys want to live with me? Cleans in her panties at her house. No big deal. It's unfair. Thank you very much. M1, Lizzie. Are you there?

2:42:59I'm here. Yeah, Lizzie. Who would you pick, Lizzie? I would pick Woods. Oh, nice. Yeah. Only for two reasons. Number one, because of Jamie's awesome cream pie. Yes, yes. Whoa, easy. Not on a regular bit. And also because Woods is great with my son. I was going to say, he's really good with kids. There you go. Me and Brady, that's my boy. Thank you. I have a babysitter. All the time. Built in. I don't know why you guys don't utilize us more often. Because they want to hang out with you. I love that kid. Talk to Winder about that one. I will. M1 Tramp Stamp. I will give him a call. That's right. M1 Heather from Oceanside. Hi. Hi. Who would you pick? I'd pick Woodsy. That a girl. Why Woodsy? You know why? Because a couple times I've been really down. I've woken up in a bad mood. I turn you guys on and with these giggles, just frightens out my day. Aww. That's very sweet. That's what Mikey says, too. Yeah. That's what I say in the card right before I kiss it to put my lipstick mark in the card. Mikey wakes up and looks over at Woods and goes, you make me laugh. That's right. I go, there he is. There you go. I've been waiting for you. Oh, boy. I'm one coach from Carlsbad. What's going on, Mike? Who would you pick? Woods.

2:44:17That a boy. Why would he? Well, by the name, Coach, my son's played baseball for eight years, nine years now. I coach it. I love baseball. He's a big baseball buff. Man, we'd watch some ball together. There you go. We'd be going to games. Absolutely. Padre games. We'd be the only ones. Thank you, bro. I love this game. Sienna's in line. Yes. This is interesting. Moment of truth. Sienna. I am upset right now. Why? You didn't have said me. I did. I did. And Jay did. The Lord did. I didn't hear you guys. Sienna. Sienna, one person said me because I'm Mexican. I cook, I take care of you. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, she loves farts. I'm just kidding. Who would you pick, Sienna? To live with any of you guys? Um, Jay. I told you. I'm heartbroken. Because he fixes stuff, Sienna? She likes older men. You can just rely on him no matter what. And she likes older men. She's a sweetheart. I picked you because of your baby. I'm sorry. I picked you because I'm like Todd and you take care of me. I picked you because you'd be clean and you would cook and you would help make my house a home.

2:45:25Oh, see, I didn't know that you guys picked me. My brother was like, Colin, and I left the room, so I was like, okay. Yeah, I tried to call you. You got your voicemail. We were trying to call you, too. We had a no. Oh, Mikey, that was funny. I would pick all of you guys, but in different times of my life. Yeah, I hear that. Boys would be college, for sure. Boys would probably be high school. Me, if you had an hour left to live. No, if I wanted to be like a homebody, I'd pick you, Mike. Yeah. Because you've got gadgets and comfy stuff. Well, I think anybody that likes to live alone, you could pick me. My wife's like, ain't that the truth? Yeah. Thank you. We love you, Sienna. Oh my gosh, I love you all. I live with all of you. I'm heartbroken. Thank you. I thought you'd pick me because I'm like Todd. Me too. Bye. Bye. Yeah, I'm always in my room. I wonder if our new nanny is going, you're actually married? You spend a lot of time in your room. Where does he stay? No, I'm trying to get better at it. See, that's something that you should put out there because a lot of people want the silent roommate. The one that just, hey. I'm no trouble. I don't think my wife likes my new bit of my new nap room where I get home and I'm like, hi, babe, good to see you. See you later.

2:46:49Go up to room. Rebecca would squash that right away. Her thing is time. That's what equates to love for Rebecca. And I'm really trying to improve and be better at it. But I'm tired. Yeah. We get up so early. That's okay. You can still spend a little time with her. I do. No. You're at work. Can't spend time with her all the time. So you got to spend more time with her. I know. I know she hates a new bit. I slept yesterday for like four hours. Yeah. And she's by herself. Yeah. Women, wives don't like that. They don't like that. Oh, cool. I'll just stay up for 24 hours straight. They want you just in the room. They want you in the room. Yeah, even if you sleep in the same room that they're in. Yeah. Yeah, they don't like that either. No, they don't. Paris Hilton got detained in Japan. That's what she said. We'll tell you why in a second. Hang on. Eight o'clock album. Sugar. Sugar. The album is file under easy listening. Let's see, why did Paris Hilton get detained in Japan? Because the Japanese folks are not very keen on people with drug convictions. Exactly. That's what they said. So they stopped her. She was flying into Asia to do some, I don't know, some bit. And she was delayed by immigration authorities. And it turns out, Mike, they sent her home.

2:49:07They said, get out of here. Yep, get out of here. And so she said she was contractually bound to her business trip, didn't want to let down her brands and many Asian fans. She wanted to fulfill her contract. She's trying hard to do the responsible thing, but it's beyond her control. So they detained her, questioned her, and then sent her home. That's a long flight to have to turn around and come right back. Oh, man. L.A. to Japan's got to be how far? Well, the good thing is she probably got a private jet. So it was probably like two hours. Actually, she did. She did. Yeah, actually, she did. Yeah. A private jet. Oh, yeah. Come on. You think she's flying coach southwest? No, I figured she was flying first class. Oh, no. She has private jets. Did she fly? I mean, she stays at Hilton's. Probably not. Zero percent. No, I bet she doesn't. She should have to. Private jet. Of course. You know what, though, dude? I didn't think it was that big of dough. I mean, you know, like that kind of crazy dough. She's got. Ridiculous, though. She's an heiress, first of all. And now she's got, like, her own junk going on. Everything. Thousand reality shows. She's so hot, I think. I really do. She's pretty. I really think she's hot. I was listening to a gentleman named Howard Stern driving home yesterday. He had Mark McGrath on. Guy used to be on Sugar Ray. Oh, yeah. He dated her. I was just driving home going, God, you got everybody, didn't you? He's a good interview. Is he? Yeah. He was hysterical in this interview. Yeah.

2:50:31Yeah. He's good. Lucky. Sharp guy. Clown band, but sharp dude. He's funny. I forgot. I saw him hosting something recently. Yeah, he does. You ever see him do Rock and Roll Jeopardy? Mm-mm. Guy cleared the board. Like, no problem. Really? Oh, yeah. It was great. Yeah, he used to be the host at Entertainment Tonight. Extra or something. Extra. One of those. That's what I saw. Mm-hmm. He said that they play. He said their new bit with Sugar Ray. He said. Howard goes, you guys still playing? He goes, yeah. If you smell funnel cakes, there's Sugar Ray at the county fair. That's what they do? He's hysterical. At least he's being self-deprecating about it. He makes $35,000 to $150,000 a show. Wow. Just depending on who they're playing with. For real? Crazy. Wow. Playing at the fair? Not bad. People still have to question, are they still a band and that's how much money you make? Yeah. Sugar Ray, to me, is the same exact band as Hey Now, you're in our songs. No, see, they're a little better, I think, than Smash Mouth. In my mind. Really? I agree. Because I like Mark McGrath. I think he's a cool guy. Yeah, I mean, me too. But I always thought of him as Smash Mouth. Yeah. Like the same type, no? Maybe the same type. Kind of, yeah. Same vein. I can get with that. Liza singing to Oprah. How old do you think Liza is? 173.

2:51:55I think that's a great guess. Probably 73. Legendary Nelly singing some of our favorites. Take it away. Some of our favorites? I can't name one. Yeah, I don't know that we have our favorites. What did Liza sing? Somewhere Over the Rainbow? Hillary just came in. Who knows? I don't even know. I think she did. It was like... No, it's her mom. It's her mom. It's her mom. Her mom's Judy Garland. Judy Garland is her mom. Yeah. Crazy lady. Hey, Miss Liza! Oh, boy. I love the big band era. She's got the show tunes down. She come out in a, you know, black frilly dress. Sounds like the Muppet show. You know what's that in the Sex and the City 2 movie? There's a big scene where Liza performs at this wedding, and she is like, she's wearing...

2:52:47Extra strength Spanx. Do you boys know what Spanx are? Of course. And the girdle. I wear them. I mean, she is like girdled to the hilt. Yeah. And the close-ups, you know, she's just getting up there, but she wears so much makeup. Spanx are designed to hold everything tight. Uh-huh. She just doesn't look comfortable. Oh. Oh. Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Is there a problem, Mike, with what I'm doing? No, there's no problem with it, Liza. It just surprised me, frankly, when you started to sing. How big do you think her eyes were when she was singing this? How pissed are the people that won tickets to go see Oprah that day? And other people go to Australia, they've got to sit through this. But you know what? Jon Stewart was the guest, I think. Was it yesterday's, Oprah? I think so. Jon Stewart was the first, like, 40 minutes. I TiVo'd that, watched it last night, and then was out of there. No thanks. Went to bed. You missed Liza. I did. It's too bad. Too bad. The guy's in there with his wife. He's like, you know what, babe? If we had been here Monday, we'd be going to Australia. Yeah, seriously. We got Liza. Liza. Great.

2:54:04She's got that clockwork orange mascara flying. Spiders. Oprah has to pretend that she really likes it. I'd be pouring cocktails. Yeah, every two-year-old in the building was crying. Two-year-olds don't get Liza. No. She just scares the crap out of them. Let's see if Garrett can get her for next year's Indie Jam. Yeah. Watch the whole place just go. Oh, boy. White Apple Tree and Liza. Well, that's what comes from too much pills. Maybe Rick Rubin gets with her and she covers like Soundgarden. That'd be great. What about that? He works with everybody else these days. Why not Liza next? She kind of sounds like Carol Channing. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to break your rusty chain. And run. And run.

2:55:11Maybe L.O.B. does some Soundgarden parodies as Liza. Yes. Like, as soon as possible. I'm all in. The Carol Channing one that I knew is when she did that made-for-TV movie, the Alice in Wonderland one. Mm-hmm. And she was like, Jam tomorrow, Jam yesterday. That sounds just like Liza. Yeah. It does. I was thinking that when I heard it. They really are. What? Oh, wow. When I saw her laid out, lying, creepy. That's it. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. You have to respect her career because she definitely has been through a lot and is still going. Anytime you have transsexuals impersonating you, you've made it. Oh, I thought you thought she was a transsexual. She's a hermaphrodite, but she's not a transsexual. What's the difference? Transvestite, transsexual, transgender. Transgender involves the operation.

2:56:13But yeah, that's when you've made it. It's like Cher, her, Barbra Streisand. Do you think any gay guys like Liza? Why are those particular women, I wonder, do they do that? Because they're divas. They're fierce divas. Oh gosh. I was going to say, they already have certain man-like qualities. Oh, boy. They do. I'm glad I didn't say it. What are their man-like? Oh, have you seen Liza? She looks like a dude. She looks like a linebacker. A little bit. I saw her on Arrested Development. She's thick. Sturdy. Sturdy. Sturdy. Jon Stewart on the New York Mosque. Like him. He's so good. I actually think this is a good point. The amazing thing to me was this thing had been announced a year ago. Like, it's not the mosque and ground zero, like there's a bar and a strip joint and a Starbucks. Like, it's a neighborhood. I so understand the emotion of it, but nobody owns it. I don't own it because I live close to it. You don't own it if you lost a loved one. You don't own it if you believe yourself to be a real American or not as much of a real American. But the difficulty is the conflation of terrorism.

2:57:30All right, with conflation. I don't know what conflation means. I don't either. You went to college. I get it. It's taking a group of people and slandering them based on the most extreme element. I agree. Great point. He's right. Great point. He's right. I just don't think he needs to drop conflation on me. I agree. I need to Google it. All right, Hill, what do you got coming up? I grabbed some good stuff. Pinback and The Hold Steady and Dead Confederate and even that Dirty Head song, Lay Me Down. Phoenix, who were here last night. There you go. You got some good stuff. Yeah. All right. It's all coming up next. Lovely and talented Hillary is going to be coming up next, so make sure you listen to her. And then tomorrow morning, 6 o'clock, we'll come back. We'll do it all over again. Mikey shows out. Right?