The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/23/10

1:29It's a Mikey show. We are on the air. And oh my goodness, what a show we have for you today. L.O.B. will be in a meat suit today. Lady L.O.B. That's right. She'll be in a meat suit just like Lady Gaga. She's got the glasses, the whole deal. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. The word of the day is sumptuous. Oh, wow. Sumptuous. How about that? When you hear the word sumptuous between now and ten, caller nine is going to win a lot today for word of the day. You get a pair of tickets to Spoon. I don't mean that you need a ticket to Spoon your lover. The band. The band, Spoon. October 1st at Soma. We're also going to throw in a pair of tickets to the Pixies.

2:31September 26th at Remak. Wow. And we're also going to throw in a pay-per-view from Cox Advanced for UFC 119. Wow, wow, wow. Which, speaking of... It's a big day. Yeah, UFC's Matt Serra on the Mikey Show today. So it's a big day here on the program. New guy we're going to be having stop by is going to be coming by until... Woodsy all about how he wants to be a charger and wants to be playing on the team. Yep. He's a good dude, but I don't know how much of a shot he's got. What's that cat's name? LeVar. LeVar? Yeah. Is he single? I think he is. He is single, but wait till you get a look at him. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? She's not shallow, dude. Pack a lunch. Yeah, pack a lunch. What does that mean? You'll see. Eyes. You'll see. Beauty is in the beholder of the eye. He's got a lot to work with. He does have a lot to work with. You guys are being very cryptic. Yeah. Yeah. Just wait. I think L.O.B.'s be all in. Okay. We'll have to see, but that is definitely my gut feeling. Hey, where are the white women at? You bet you got that right. That's right. Right here. She's right there. So L.O.B. puts on her meat suit in an hour and a half. Oh, my God.

3:57Oh, my gosh. It's going to be all gamey. Pictures on MikeyShow.com. What is it? Buffalo? Elk? What do we got? We'll find out. Sienna's not here. She's our news girl, but she is on maternity leave. I'm the host of the show. I'm Mikey. I'm 40. Woodsy's our sports guy. He is 35. Lauren O'Brien, 29 years of age. She's our assistant producer and meat suit wearer. And Jay is our producer. Resident meat suit wearer. Resident meat suit wearer. He's 47. And Cross. It's Cross. Cross. Chris is our phone screener. You can talk to him right now if you call 570-1949. Get on the air. Open phones beginning and end of every show. So give us a call. We'd love to hear from you. Call us up. Let's see. Vincent Jackson is a big deal right now. Yeah, man. I want to hear from Chargers fans on this Vincent Jackson situation. If you haven't heard about it, basically nothing happened. And AJ had the chance to pull the trigger on a couple of different deals that were done. Yeah. And didn't do anything. Nothing. There was a deadline Monday and then a deadline yesterday. Yeah. And now there is no more deadlines. Right. It's over. It's over. And it's such a strange story that I don't understand very well. So you can help me out here. You know, it's when it gets down to.

5:21suspensions and things like that. There's all kinds of different ways you can explain it. But from what I understood is, Vincent was under contract. And he needed one more year to become eligible for unrestricted free agent. Well, that was this year. And he was unhappy with how much money he was going to be making in this season. So he said, you know what, I'm going to hold out. And as everybody knows, A.J. Smith, the GM, is like, eh, sorry. He doesn't do that bit. He doesn't play that game. And he offered him a tender. I think the tender was $3.268 million for the year. To me, that seems like a lot. Yeah, exactly. But the thing about the NFL is these guys, that was for one year. And he wants a long-term deal. He's a pro bowler, 2,000-yard-plus seasons. He wants a long-term deal, and AJ said, we're not going to give you a long-term deal, so sign the tender and get your butt out here and play. And he goes, no, I'm not going to. So I think in Vincent's mind, he's like, you know what? If I make a big enough stink, they'll trade me. And basically, a deal was done. I'm assuming, and everybody's assuming it was with the Vikings because they need the most help and probably would have given up the most because they're dying. They're 0-2. They've got no receivers. Vincent Jackson would hugely help that team.

6:38Yesterday came and went. Nothing happened. So the agent for Vincent Jackson, Neil Schwartz, went to the media and basically said, hey, listen, he's squatting on Vincent Jackson. He's not doing anything with him. He said, quote, Archie Manning sure had it right about this organization. Because, as you know, Archie contacted the Chargers and said, hey, don't take Eli. He wants to be in New York. Don't take him. So it was pretty crazy. Now, in the Chargers' defense, I think that that was weak. Oh, I'm sure, man. To me, that wasn't like, oh, it's a bad organization. It was more about he wants to play in the big market, he wants to play in New York, and blah, blah, blah. Well, and so he also said multiple teams have told me they cannot get a deal done with AJ, and some of the teams have referred to him as, quote, the Lord of no rings, which is just such a shot because the top three quarterbacks in that draft were Eli, Ben Roethlisberger, and Phillip Rivers. Well, Two of those guys have Super Bowl rings. Roethlisberger has two, and the Chargers have none. And so basically nothing got done, and we have Vincent Jackson, who is not going to sign and probably won't play this year, and has said, hey, I'm willing to hold out the entire season. It looks like that's what it's going to be. So even at the end of his suspension in week six,

8:01he still isn't going to play because he's not under contract. Right. And I think he is under contract per se, but he's holding out for a longer deal. And I don't think he's going to come back after week six even. Because why would he now? I want people to call us and tell us what they think of it. 570-1949. I mean, as a Charger fan, you've got to be bummed for a couple of reasons. One, your best receiver isn't on the field every Sunday. Because you couldn't get a deal done. You couldn't give him what he wanted, which is a bummer. And then the other thing is, okay, fine, let's cut bait with the guy and let's get something for him. Well, now you got nothing. Now you don't have him and you didn't get anything in return. So it's a lose-lose, in my opinion. I think you're right because he's not going to play. He's not going to play and you didn't get anything for him. So what kind of winning situation could you have here? Yeah. 570-1949 is the number if you want to weigh in on that. As a fantasy football player, I need a receiver. So I should just get that out there. That's right. Somebody actually drafted him in our league, and they're just going to sit him, rod him on the bench. Well, they were waiting. They were waiting for him to get signed by another team. Because imagine him in Minnesota playing with Brett Favre. Brett Favre would be ecstatic to have that guy because he's got nobody. Nobody. Greg Camarillo is his best option right now. Yeah. That ain't going to cut it. Yeah.

9:25What if he's back out there in our league? They went and signed Hank Baskett yesterday. Oh, wow. Yeah. Really? Remember old Hank Baskett from the Eagles? They signed him. I mean, I was thinking about suiting up, getting out there, see if I can catch the ball. Yeah, you might as well. Just walk on. See what you can do. See what I can do. It's better than what they have. Absolutely. Kids got good hands. M1 Lewis from San Diego. What do you think? You know, defense of Vincent Jackson, when he didn't sign that tender, they were only going to pay him $600,000. for the season anyway. Why would he play for the season? Exactly. Do you know, is he under contract? He is under contract right now. He's doing exactly what you said. He's holding out. That's all it is. It's just crazy because we didn't get anything. We got nothing for him. We don't have anything at the end of the year either. We don't have Vijay on the field and we don't have any draft picks from a trade. Yeah, and so at the end of the year, his contract is up. So he's a free agent.

10:24And we didn't get anything. We got nothing for him. We didn't get him on the field. We didn't get anything in return. Same thing with Michael Turner. Same thing with Michael Turner. Yep. God, that's tough, man. And that's, you know, when it's two guys that are very headstrong, like A.J. and like Vincent Jackson, they're playing hardball. When nobody buckles, you end up with a stalemate. Yeah. That's not good, man. That's not what you want. When you're trying to win a Super Bowl, you need to have all the bullets in the gun. Yeah. And they're a bullet short right now. Hey, thanks for the call, bro. Thanks, brother. Thank you. The roads in San Diego apparently are not very good roads, we're finding out, because there was just some study or report that came out that said that we rate among some of the worst. Yeah, we're actually the eighth worst roads in the country. 50% of the roads in our city are listed in poor condition. Oh, wow. I believe it. They said that drivers in San Diego spend $654 more per year on car repairs thanks to the dilapidated roads here. Oh, wow. That would explain why my tin can is falling apart. I haven't noticed that yet, I guess. Do you have you? In certain places, there's a lot of potholes. And the pothole will stay there for, like, it seems a year or two. And then finally one day you drive by and they've put a little bit of asphalt in it, but they haven't even filled it all the way. It's weird. Yeah.

11:45There's a lot of dips like in the neighborhoods in North County that aren't going anywhere. I hate those guys. Yeah, those dips. Dips. Dips. All of a sudden you just hear the bottom. Someone scrape if you're not familiar with it. It's interesting because when we were flying into Las Vegas and we were looking down on the city of Las Vegas, you just see all these black roads, which means that they're nicely paved. It ain't like that in San Diego. They're like white now. Well, you know. From what I understand, this city has got some serious money problems. And we were talking a little bit this morning, you know, before we got on about some of the things that the city of San Diego chooses to spend its money on. Yeah. It seems a little bit like the little kid that gets, you know, $100 for Christmas and goes out to the drugstore and blows it. Yeah. He buys $95 worth of candy. Yeah. You got $5 left for things that are responsible. Yeah. It's great. Everyone's Johnny from Lakeside. You there? Sam. Hey, what do you think about the Charger thing? Rod, I think they're paying these guys way too much. I just think that they shouldn't be playing for the money. They should be playing for the team. They should be playing for... Well, I get you, but don't you also feel like, hey, if you're doing a job, all you should get is whatever the job is worth. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know. What do you do for a living? I'm a plumber.

13:15You know, I got to guess, you know, that if if somebody came in and you were worth a certain amount, you know, and the job is worth a certain amount to do the job. And then your boss came in and said, listen, you know, we're going to pay you one quarter of that. And the reason that we are is because we can. You would say, well, hey, man, all I want is what's fair to be a plumber. You know, it'd be tough, I think, for you to hear. Well, you should do it to help people. That's the reason you should be doing that job is to help people with their problems. You know, they can't do that on their own. A lot of people can't do the plumbing stuff on their own, and you should be doing it just to help others and accept whatever it is that you get. Well, I think that fair is fair. I'm not asking the guy. No. There's no doubt that he's worth more than other people. Sure. I'm just saying, you know, millions and millions of dollars a year, they pay these guys. And I think that, you know, they really need to take a step back. And, you know, take a look at what they're being paid. I mean, it's just, I mean, it's absurd just as much as the next guy. And I want to see these guys play too. But when I'm out there working my butt off for, you know, 10 hours a day, getting paid what I'm getting paid, and to hear these guys whine because they're only getting, oh, what, $4.5 million a year, $16 million. It is pretty ridiculous, you know.

14:47The devil's advocate to that is Vincent doesn't set the market. But what I will say to that is those guys, well, it's hard, dude. It's hard because those guys, they play a game for a living, right? I mean, they play a game. Vincent doesn't set the market for what he's worth. players do that, and that's the way it's always been. An accountant can keep working, by the way, until 63. Vincent ain't going to be a football player in 63. Exactly, and these guys, they do take a beating out there, but the problem with Vincent Jackson is the dude's under contract, and when you're under contract, you go out and play. Now, what we always said about guys that are in the last year of their contract, great, go out there, play your asses off, and then leave and stick it to the guys that wouldn't sign you to a long-term deal. Holding out is pretty weak, I think. No, you're signed to a contract. Yeah, you're under contract. Yeah. Hey, I hear you, Johnny, and I appreciate your phone call, dude. Thank you. Let's love to show you guys. All right, man. Thank you, man. M1 Rick from San Diego, what do you think? I think that Spanos and A.J. Smith are not committed to bringing a Super Bowl here, and I'll ask Woods, would the Steinbrenners or Jerry Jones let two fold out? No way. There's no... They are not committed, and they're telling us now...

16:09Hey, San Diego, when the stadium rolls around and they're saying, we need public money, you know what? Pound sand and the players, yeah, they make a lot of money, but the owners are making hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, yeah. It's billionaires versus millionaires. Look, if Vincent Jackson go out there, okay, Vince, go out there and play for $3 million, well, guess what can happen? He can get his neck snapped on one play and be paralyzed, and then what's he going to do? I understand in a perfect world you stand up to your contract. Not the way the game is played, unfortunately. And every other damn team gets their stars in. Look at the Jets. Look at the Cowboys. Look at all these players that come in because they want to go for a Super Bowl. And as somebody described A.J. Smith, he is the lord of no rings, and it makes me sick. Have a nice day. Thank you, Rick. That's such a great take because I, you know, growing up a Yankee fan, it's a double-edged sword because you're like, oh, man. We're going to go out and we're going to spend the money. And then if you win the championship, it's, well, you're supposed to. You spent the money. But all I care about is wins and rings. As a fan, I can never get mad at my owner for saying, you know what, instead of pocketing all this money, I'm going to invest it back in my guys and in my team. I'm going to get the best. As a fan, you can't ask for anything more. You really can't. You know, it's funny, the difference between those two calls, right? I mean, one guy is like, man, these guys make too much money.

17:36The next guy's like, hey, owners, pay him what he wants. Yeah. It's interesting. I wish him when Rick would have been a little more fired up. He's just so, you know. Yeah, he was very bland. I like it. I know where that guy's coming from, man. And that's true. It's true. You want to see your owners put the best team they can on the field. Now imagine the Chargers with Marcus McNeil and Vincent Jackson out there this year. Yeah. It's a different club. M1 Termite Finder from Chula Vista. You there? Good morning, Mikey Show. Good morning. I've got something to throw into the equation. First of all, it's a privilege to play in the NFL. These guys paychecks, and Vincent Jackson, more than what he's getting paid, that he has a responsibility often to not get DUIs. In fact, pick him up and have to drive him a game because he got arrested the night before. Absolutely. Now, after two of them, what's going to happen in the middle of the season when he's celebrating and he gets a third DUI and they keep him in jail? He's not going to play anyway. Yeah, and you know something I read? I've been doing a lot of reading about the Braylon Edwards situation in New York. Do you guys know that the NFL offers rides for every player? They do. If they're impaired, three rides. Oh, yeah. Car service. If you're the punter for the Chargers and you're like, hey, man, I'm hammered and I'm down here in PB. You need to come pick me up. Done. Done. On the house. I mean, the Chargers have already had one player that got shot.

19:11Yeah, maybe. But then in Marcus McNeil's case, what's the deal with that? That's a dude you've got to get on the field. The guy protects your quarterback's blindside. You pay that guy what he wants. Now. Yeah. Now. He's worth it. Yep, and he's worth it. That dude is a beast. And he's sitting at home. you know, watching these games on TV, Twittering about it, tweeting. Yeah. I grew up in Houston, and they trashed every decent team that they had. Yep. And they never got a ring. They ended up moving to Tennessee, and it's not the same team, even though, you know, Bud Adams owns the team still. Absolutely. I became a Charger fan because the oil and the toilet through management. Sometimes you got to – I'm just disappointed in the team's performance also because – last year. Absolutely, man. Absolutely. That was kind of the window. Hey, thanks, man. We appreciate the phone call. You guys have a great day. I love you guys. Who is that, Woodsy? That's my buddy, LeVar. Oh, is that the guy that wants to play for the Chargers? Yeah, he's here. How you doing, big fella? How you doing, man? I'm good, buddy. Good to see you. Yeah, dude. Thank you for having me here, man. It's all my pleasure. I just appreciate the opportunity because I know you.

20:47is influential. I'm really not influential at all. No, man, you are. You don't give yourself enough credit, man. I've been listening to Mike's show for years, even over at the old station. Yeah. Sorry, man, I'm finishing up my hot pocket. Are you nervous? A bit, man, because I ain't never seen a beautiful white woman like you before. Oh, wow. Now I'm blushing. And so it's really nice to be in here. Well, I had run into... I'd run into LeVar, and we just got to talking, and I told him I did sports, and he wanted to know if I could help him get on the Chargers. Yeah, I want to be offensive tackle, man, because I'm out of breath. You look like a football player. I just came up in the elevator, so I'm out of breath. Big as a house. Yeah. Jay looks delicious, man. Don't you eat me. I'm going to eat you, man. One time I went camping, and we all...

21:47We didn't get our cab to go pick us back up, so I ate my friend. You ate your friend. Yeah. So, how tall are you? I'm 6'7". 6'7". How much do you weigh, if you don't want my asses? I have 755 pounds. That's a little big. Yeah, it's pretty big, man. So, do you run the 40? Yeah, I'll run it. What do you run the 40 in? About 2.50 right now. Two minutes, 50 seconds. But I'll try to get it down to two minutes by the end of the year. Which is a little. slow for Office of Diamond, man. It's a little, yeah. You need to probably pick up that pace. It's a little slow for a senior citizen. No offense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a joke, isn't it? Yeah, I'm a comedian. You're gorgeous, man. You're gorgeous, man. She likes black dudes, too. Yeah. You like the black meat, don't you? Oh, wow. You like the dark meat, girl. That's what I'm talking about.

22:49Oh, wow. Oh, boy. You can sit on the couch. Yeah, you can sit on the couch. I'm just going to lay on the couch until the Chargers saw me the offensive line. Oh, wow. I don't. W, did you ever play football? Yeah, no. No, but I was too, man. Everybody that I meet, they say, man, you should be on the radio. You got such a gorgeous voice. And I say, no, man, that ain't what I'm interested in. I want to play for the Chargers, man. I want to be an offensive lineman for the San Diego Chargers. That's right. Yeah. Oh, man, that tired me out. Oh, man, that tired me out. What is a guy like you? What's, like, a typical breakfast for you in the morning? A cow. A whole cow? A whole cow. I said, eat an entire cow. Oh, man. I like that breakfast. Oh, my God. I'll eat that suck up real good. What else? Gross. Don't eat my meat dress. Yeah, he was chewing on it. Oh, my God. Who is that, man? Is that in the room? No, it's just a sound effect. And I also like to eat two dozen A's. Two dozen A's? Yep. Four pounds of bacon. And some coffee.

24:05Yeah, Diet Coke, baby. Diet Coke. Diet Coke. I can't have the sugar. And a loaf of bread. And probably about half a tub of I can't believe it's not butter. I can't have the butter. I can't have the regular butter. You gotta watch what you eat. You are what you eat. You want some water? I was talking about that bitch. Off of a VW. And we're on the radio. I'm going to lay down. All right, go lay down. Holy cow. Poor guy's got to lay down. He's so worked up. Oh, my gosh. My goodness. That is a big fella. He's going to be all right. Climbing like a mountain. I will be all right. I will be fine. Oh, my gosh. That couch is going to break. He makes the guy from the Green Mile look small. He really does. He's a big boy. Oh, man, LeVar is a big guy. Holy cow. He's going to eat me. He ate a cow. That's right. 570-1949. Ryan Matthews, is it a bigger injury than we thought, or is it a non-issue? All I know is he didn't practice yesterday, and Woods has got details in Woods on Sports. I think that people are going to like this.

25:58An hour from now, our girl L.O.B. will be turning into Lady L.O.B. In my meat suits. Yeah. L.O. Gaga? Yeah. Yesterday we played BB Gunn Spelling Bee, and L.O.B. missed four words. I'm such an idiot. Out of five? Yeah, and I'm a good speller. You did get one right. I know. You gave me one word in Hebrew, to be fair. I gave you bar mitzvah. I didn't give you like kumshalom or something. How good would the BB gun be right now? You would take the BB gun now. Can I renege? You can take the BB over a meat suit. No.

27:25M1 Meat Freak hooked us up with the meat suit. He'd kill me if I was like, okay. M1 Meat Freak, what did he say, 12 hours? 12 hours all night. He came straight from making it this morning. He stayed up all night. And he's got to go to work now. Going right to work. Unbelievable. So L.O.B. will be putting on a meat suit just like Lady Gaga. An hour or half an hour? Yeah, 7.30. The best part about it is that you guys are going to have to endure the smell. That's fine. I'll be okay. Yeah. We're going to have to endure the smell, smell, smell, smell. Do I have to wear the sunglasses the whole time? Yes. The whole bit. Yes, you do. Zebra print. Awesome. That's so great. We'll have to turn on the webcam for that. Yeah, for sure. Can't keep it on all the time. It's too much. Yeah, we got a webcam, but it's screwy and it pulls bandwidth. Pulls our bandwidth and then our computers shut down. The microphones turn off. What's the latest with the pastor? in Atlanta they said that he a couple of boys well I don't know if they're boys now they're men but at the time they were 18 year old boys and they are accusing him of coercing them into sex and this is a guy that was very outspoken on homosexuality and that was his bit his bit was you know gays and now it's come out that that's his that may be his deal what does it say

28:52Well, 23-year-old Jamal Paris now has come out and said, yeah, same bit happened to me. He was encouraged to call Pastor Long Daddy. What? Yeah. Also, he is also suing the church and a youth academy as well. And, you know, this is— Not the end of this thing, man, but he has also claimed that he engaged in sexual acts with him, took him out of town, the same thing. Manipulated him into thinking that the acts were a, quote, healthy component of his spiritual life. Oh, boy. Something that you got to do, a rite of passage, if you will. Oh, boy. Dude. If he's convicted, it's going to be real bad. It shakes that whole church to its core. You know what I mean? For sure. I don't know. I don't know. Again, I'm not going to. Judge the guy until he's found guilty and indicted and all that good stuff. For sure. And he has to go through the system and do the whole thing. They're basically saying, hey, this is a shakedown. This is a shakedown for money. And he categorically and adamantly denies all of these allegations. Oh, man. Lauren got her hairs did. I did. She did. So she's kind of blonde again. Look at that.

30:01Kind of. Looks good. You are blonde again. You got the blonde. I can definitely see it's a very shiny, glossy, golden blonde. It's reddish blonde. Yeah, like strawberry. My wife is blonde blonde. It's like strawberry. It's very, very pretty. That makes my mouth water. Looks nice. Yeah, just keep changing it up real good. Switch it up every week. Yeah. You're going to go brunette at some point and then redhead and then try it all out? No. Black. Because the brunette was kind of accidental. as it was. It's cool to change it up, but I just think my head wants to be blonde. Yeah? Yeah. Why don't we find out what's happening in the sport? I especially want to know about the Padres and what's going on with the Padres and where we are. Woods! Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The Padres are back in first place by a half a game. Yeah, there we go. They whipped up on the Dodgers last night, 3-1, and the Cubs, out of nowhere, came in and beat the Giants 2-0. Back on top by a half game. It was a great, great game. Tim Stauffer pitched really, really well. Heath Bell went in and closed it out for his 43rd save in 46 chances. Here he is, cut one. Well, I think with the three teams out there, it's going to be a nail-biter all the way to the end. I don't think one team's going to take off at all. It would be nice if we could, but with the Giants offense and Colorado, just a streaky team.

31:37Our pitching, it's going to be a nail-biter all the way to the end. It might even go down to the last game. It really will. The Padres finished the season with three games in San Francisco. If it stays like this, you're not going to get a better atmosphere. It's going to be insane. The Padres have really surprised a lot of people this year, but there was one guy that really wasn't surprised. His name is Joe Torre. He's the manager of the Dodgers. Cut, too. I think they stopped surprising me somewhere around the July time. June, July, because the things they were doing were very solid, you know, pitching, especially out of that bullpen. That's the man. If anybody knows how to win, it's that cat right there. He just got some hot water. Yeah, he did. Because he made some sort of a comment that led people to believe that he might be getting an offer from the Mets. Yeah, and, you know... Of course, the media blows everything out of proportion, as usual. But all he had said is, the Mets call me. I'd be happy to entertain it. Well, the manager of the Mets is like, you're not coming here. You know, turning this big hubbub. Joe to the Mets would be wild. I mean, I love Joe Torrey. He'd be against his old team. Well, kind of. Subway series. Subway series, yeah. But him managing for the Mets would be a little.

32:54A little weird. And not only that, but after all the hubbub, he came out and said, I'm not going to manage for the Mets. I'm not going to manage for anybody. Right, exactly. I think he's done. He's old. He's old. He can just hang out with his daughters and his granddaughters and stuff. Good man, though. Good man, and he's a fan of the Padres. Thinks that those guys have what it takes to do it. Also, we talked a little bit about Ryan Matthews. He basically divulged that he does have a high ankle sprain at this point. Typically, you hear high ankle sprain. You're like, well, that's it. He's done for a while. But he said, you know, it's a little bit sore. He's not sure if he's going to play. He did miss practice yesterday. So did Malcolm Floyd and Giles Tucker. But, you know, Ryan is the guy that they need in there. And he said, you know, it's up to the trainers. I may play. I may not. It's up to them. And I don't think they're tipping their hand as of yet. Oh, boy. Told you guys a few weeks ago about K-Rod, the guy that the closer for the Mets that was really. creepy dude and beat up his father-in-law and that whole bit well now he's he's out on bail um he sent a lot of text messages to his baby mama and uh they you know issued a protection order against him and he is now out of jail on bail the accusations so far have cost him 3.1 million dollars

34:09Holy cow. So he's not to have any contact with her. If he doesn't again, he's going to be in trouble. But his days are probably done in New York. Oh, my. And then finally, this is a name you guys will know if you're a Padres fan, Kevin Towers, who was basically the architect of some great, great Padres teams. He was actually an advanced scout for the Yankees this year, and he has been signed to be the new general manager of a division. team, the Diamondbacks, so that's not really good for the Padres, but this is a guy responsible for Matt Latos, Jake Peavy, Luke Gregerson, Heath Bell. Guy knows baseball and he knows players. Here he is on his new position, cut three. I want to win next year. I know these guys want to win next year, and I think that was the beauty of coming to work with these guys and getting the chance to sit down with Ken and Derek and know how badly they want to get back to bringing a championship ball club to the fans, the many fans here in Arizona and the Phoenix community. Good, good guy and great, great GM. Great acquisition. Oh, man. You know, the Diamondbacks have got to be excited about this. Yeah. Yeah, because they stink. And he's good, man. Yeah, he is good. There's no doubt about it. He did a lot of good stuff here. 5701949 is the number. M1 Corndog from San Diego. What's up? Yeah, Mikey. I just wanted to say, man, you got to talk about respect for your callers, dude. Like, that's really cool, man. Well, thank you, bro. Thank you. You know, I do another show and stuff, and you're bad. You're a bad mama jammer.

35:33Thank you, buddy. It's hard to say, you know, the Chargers are known for a training gown for the NFL. You know, we pump these guys out. So when their contract is up, we just let them go and they get signed on to a good team and they get the win. Yeah. There's something to it. There's something to it. I can't deny it. A little bit of Padres in there, too. Yeah. Same thing with San Diego for life, and it just breaks my heart to... this go down every year all the time. It's heartbroken. Me too, dude. If it were me and I were in that position and I don't know all the ins and outs of it, I'd just go, hey, let's just get these guys on the field. At the end of the day, if you put the best team that you can afford and that you have on the field and they don't get the job done, it's really not on you.

36:36You've done the best you can. You've done the best you can. You've gotten all the pieces on the field. Without all those guys on the field, they're like, oh, great. Thanks a lot, front office, for costing us this. Exactly. Well, if that's a deal, why don't you pay me, man? I'm sorry to interrupt, man. I'm sorry to interrupt. I don't mean to interrupt. This is LeVar. And if you feel that way, and you're listening, AJ Smith, I will play for the league minimum, man. Yeah. I will play for the league minimum, too. I bet you will. All right. I don't need millions of dollars. I don't need none of that. I need two things, man. I need a guarantee in writing that I will have bus fare to the stadium. Bus fare. Because right now I pay my own bus fare, man. Okay? So I need bus fare for sure. And if AJ can take care of that, I'm good. And then second of all, buttermilk biscuits. I can have my buttermilk biscuits. You can't get that for me. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for me, AJ. You can't get that for

38:05I'll play it all. You put me in there. I'll play everything. You play every position. Everything, man. I will play it all. I can play running back, full back. I can play quarterback, full back. Running back, wide receiver. Turning that tail in. Tail on that, my team. Oh, my God. Wow. I don't know what that means. It doesn't make any sense. That was intense. Thank you. I want to just go back to the Padres. And that's another thing about the money situation. The Padres is the second. low-paid team. Yeah. It's sad. And that's a shame, too. And look what they're doing, man. Yeah. Look what they're doing. I understand. You guys, thank you very much for taking the time to talk to me. Sure, bud. Thank you, bro. Thank you. We love you, corndog. Corndog. Thank you, bro. I would eat a corndog right now. Man, in a heartbeat. Let me tell you something. I would eat a corndog right now. I know you would, LeVar. I don't think one's going to do it for you. No. Big boy. Like a toothpick for him. By the way, if you listen to me, Jay, I just want to say that I will work, dude. He'll be on the field this weekend. I'll get it done. I'll protect this blind side, man. I'll tell you what. I'll even bring Jesse James' ex-wife over there. I'll show you how much I'll protect the blind side, man. I'll be Sandra Bullock over there and I'll protect the blind side. There you go. Big Mike. That's not true. I would eat Sandra Bullock up like a little baby chicken. Yep. Like a little chicken weed.

39:35Oh, wow. You got a little Sandra Bullock caught there in your teeth. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Got worked up. 570-1949. Oh, my gosh. This is the number. You want to give us a call? I got us a microwave for our little office. And this microwave is basically an easy bake oven. Oh, man. It basically works like with a light bulb to light things up. I put some pasta in there and put it on for a minute and it came out and I expected to open the top of it and steam to come rushing out. And it looked like icicles were still formed on there. You kept the top on? Yeah, but I popped the top so the air could come out. Oh, yeah. Took a bit. Yeah. Didn't work. Didn't work. Didn't work at all. I like cold pasta. I'll eat it. I'm not saying it's ruined. Oh, okay. Yeah. You need to spend a few more minutes on it. She'll let me have it. I wasn't trying to insinuate that it was now ruined. She'll let me have it. Because it hadn't warmed up. I'm hungry. Yeah. We'll figure it out. Maybe we split it. Yeah. Wow. You know that Blockbuster is filing for bankruptcy? What? Yeah, because L.O.B. is the only person that goes in. I know.

40:55You go to Blockbuster? I love Blockbuster. What? For movies. Yeah, Netflix, bro. Yeah, it's not the same. The ambience. The red box. Those things are everywhere now. Oh, the red box. They don't have enough selection. Blockbuster has the most selection. Yeah. You're telling me that Blockbuster has more selection than Netflix? Well, Netflix, yeah. But you've got to wait. You have to wait. You have to wait. I don't want to wait. I want it now. Really? I need to see Anaconda 2. Right now. Yeah. Who is like, hmm, in three days, I'd really like to see Anaconda. Here's the deal, though. You can order like 50,000 movies with Netflix. Depends on your subscription. Mine, I only get one at a time. Yeah, we get one. One in, one out. Yeah, but don't you like the fact that you don't have to go back to the store? You just stick it in the mailbox? Yeah, I kind of like it, but I usually forget to drop it in there, and then I've just got like, you know, some random documentary just chilling on my countertop for three weeks. It can. If you've got Netflix, I could chill on there for six weeks. I love the queue list, and I love the fact that it keeps track of what you've seen. Have you ever rented the same movie again? No. No, I've done that. You have? I've gotten home, and I'm like, God, this looks really familiar. No, it was like a year later. Netflix isn't for me, because I moved, and when I got here, I found three or four Netflix movies that were inside of photo albums, you know, and the little red.

42:21packaging and the DVD. I'm like, how'd you get there? Yeah. Like, oh, you belong in Dallas, where I brought you from. Well, I knew that Blockbuster was going under, first of all, they're pretty empty, but second of all, they do this deal now where they're like, for $5, you can have 17 popcorns, three sodas, four pieces of candy, like, no thanks, just the movie. Two boxes of Red Vons. Yeah. Two Jujibes, some milk duds. Yeah. Some peppermint patty. Are you sure you wouldn't just like a soda or something? Yeah. What are you trying to upsell you? Yeah, because there's nothing going on there. They have laptops in there. They have anything you could buy. Yeah. You know, I just remember being a kid and being like, hey, we're going to go rent a movie. I know. It's exciting. Get in the car. Everybody picks it out. Yeah. Yeah, now you go online and you pick it. Great. It's boring. What about this? deal that Blackberry, Blackberry's run off something called RIM, and they say that they have an answer to the iPod. Stands for Research in Motion. That's right. It's a Canadian company. As far as you know. It's a deal.

43:30What do they want to do? They're going to make something to rival the iPad. Yeah. It's called the Black Pad, L-O-B. Heck yeah! It's scheduled for release in the fourth quarter of this year. Oh my gosh. It's going to feature a seven inch. Touch screen and one or two built-in cameras. Oh my goodness. That one. You're going to get one? It's got Bluetooth and broadband connections, only able to connect to cellular networks through a Blackberry smartphone, which I have. L.O.B. has. L.O.B., why do you get that instead of an iPad? Why instead of an... Oh, wait. Oh, never mind. I don't want this. Oh, boy. I was thinking... Oh, boy. I was thinking it was an alternative to the iPhone. But they have an alternative to the iPhone, and you don't want that one either. But it's not rim. It's a drawing. I know, but I like my BlackBerry. Yeah. I like the technology. Well, this will be a new iPad. Oh, I wasn't listening enough. I thought it was the alternative to the iPhone. I don't care about this. Oh, boy. But keep going. That's it, really. I mean, they're going to try to take on the iPad, which is not going to work, I'm sure. Oh, man.

44:42iPad's good. You don't even see yours anymore. Yeah, I know, because my son has it. But when he doesn't, I use it. It's the most expensive math tool ever. I go to the restroom. I take it. It's mostly my restroom device. Yeah, I like to take it in there. It's just like a sleeker laptop, kind of. It's a big iPhone. But you don't make calls on it. No, but the thing that I liked about the iPhone before the iPad came out is I would take it into the restroom. And I could answer emails and I could, you know, do all that. As opposed to your laptop was too bulky? It was too bulky. I'm not going to take a laptop. I do. I take my laptop in there. Yeah. It's too bulky. You take bowls of cereal in there. That's true. Fair enough. Sandwiches, pizza. Yeah. So I take the iPad in there. Dogs. And sometimes it's very convenient if the laptop is somewhere, you know, and I'm sitting there and I got my iPad right next to the bed. I like to read books on there. It's really easy to read books. That's cool. You know what it is. It's just a big app holder. That's why you get an iPad. It's all the apps that you would get on iPhone bigger and prettier and cooler. I don't know about apps. I don't have any apps. Me neither. Neither of you guys do. You have them available, but you don't use them, right? You know when I use my phone, I make phone calls.

46:02I text. Send text. Yeah, that's great. And I use my phone for that as well. It's just that I have this device that does much more than just make phone calls. It makes my life much easier. It's really all I need. I just got Kim an iTouch. Did you? Instead of an iPod. Yeah. She's so cool. She's got all the apps on it. She can listen to the show. Sure. In the kitchen. It's cool. You can do all kinds of stuff. The other day, I was laying in bed with my iPad, and I opened up this app that I have for looking at the stars. And you pointed at my ceiling. And it's as if you could see a hole through your ceiling. And as you move around with it, it shows you all the different stars that are there. And if you take it outside and you hold it up, it actually matches up to those stars. And it tells you what your list says. Venus and Mars and all this. So it's not an actual, it's not like a satellite camera on the stars. No, but it works off GPS. Yes, it is simulated. The stars do not. I know that there's not real stars in your phone. Inside of the phone. I know that. Inside of the phone. I was wondering if there's like a camera. Yeah, no, no, no. It's a GPS, you know. You could do it in the day. Why don't you just step outside and look up? Well, because I don't know what those things are that I'm looking at. Oh, and it, okay, tells you what the constellations are and everything. Tells you what the constellations are. So it's like a mini planetarium. Yes, it is. Planetarium. Right there in my hands. It's so neat. How great is that? It's so neat though.

47:28Woods, I'm a nerd. I like stuff. I love technology. I'm kind of on board with that. Thank you. I wish it were bigger, though, than iPods. Joaquin Phoenix went on Letterman last night and actually apologized for his previous appearance when he was in character filming that movie. I'm still here. I have the audio for you. And L.O.B. will be in a meat suit in a half an hour. And the word of the day is sumptuous. And today... The word of the day is going to get you a pair of tickets to Spoon, a pair of tickets to the Pixies, and a pay-per-view for UFC 119. By the way, Matt Serra on the Mikey Show today. Don't go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Motley Crue. Yeah, that's whiteboard music, right? Yeah, wild side. Yeah, that's good. I'm at home. I tell my roommate, Tiny. Tiny, I just need some whiteboard music. I know. I need black guy music sometimes. It's good, right? You put on some Kanye? Uh, not really. Cameo. Not cameo.

49:04N.W.A. N.W.A. N.W.A. Hardcore. Hardcore. Hardcore. That's what he is. That's right. So, 7.30 this morning. L.O.B. Holy cow. I'm enjoying my freedom. That's right. She's like staring at this clock right here. Enjoy it while you can. Feast on it while you can. 26 minutes. Meet Free Live. That's right. And she's a vegetarian, which makes this thing. Well, I'm a poultry-tarian, or whatever you call it. I don't know. I don't eat red meat. She doesn't eat red meat, and we're going to drape her in a suit of red meat. You can take away her meat, but you can't take her freedom. Or her poultry. You can take away her poultry, but you can't take away her freedom. I'll wear a meat suit, countryman. I'll wear it, and I'll wear it with pride.

50:07I won't just do it for the M1s. I'll do it for my showmates. I'll do it for my showmates so that I can show them that I'm willing to wear meat and I'll go as far as wearing meat. The only thing I won't do is put on that stupid wig that Gaga wore. I got to draw the freaking line somewhere. Meat, yes. Wig, no. Sunglasses, yes. Gaga, no. Dumb dits head. It isn't, Gaga. I keep trying to tell her. You should. You can wear a meat suit. You can wear a veggie suit. You can wear any suit that you want. That's right. Just wear it proudly. Are you listening? Are you listening? Thank God. You're clearly listening. Clearly. How'd you like to have Stephanie Angelina Giamato? You forgot the Angelina part. Yeah. For Stephanie.

51:11And what is it? Stephanie something. Giamato something. How'd you like to be her boyfriend? No. And you're watching SportsCenter, and she's telling you something. She's yelling it at you, and you're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she goes, oh, my gosh. What? I hear you. What? Yes. I came up with a new song. What is it? It's called Straight Face. Straight Face. It's called... It's the sequel. It's called Straight Fades. Wait, what are you watching? What are you watching? I'm watching SportsZone. Maybe I should change it to Poker Face. No, don't. Are you listening? I'm so angry. That guy's wearing sunglasses like mine. Maybe I should change it to Poker Face. I think it could be a hit. Holy cow. Oh my gosh. She's terrible. My creativity leaves through my...

52:11Private parts. It does not stop it. That's ridiculous. I don't have a boyfriend. Ridiculous. This is President Obama talking about something very important to him. And that is the Patience Bill of Rights. He campaigned on it and made it a top issue. And that's why when it comes to the Patient Bill of Rights, I know everything about the bill. There is to know. part of the Affordable Care Act that we can implement right now and will take effect. Is it today or tomorrow? Nope. Tomorrow. Oh, boy. See? Francis knows. The most important patient's bill of rights that we've ever seen in our history. That's great. This is like the interview where Woods and I were in his ear when he was speaking at the school. Yeah. At that time. Was it? Okay. It is tomorrow. Okay. Francis knows. The patient bill of rights.

53:13Today is going to begin Friday. It's tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm sorry. Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry. Today is Wednesday. Is it today? Yeah, today's Wednesday. Today's Wednesday. What I wanted to tell everyone here. Today's Thursday. Is that today? It's tomorrow. It's Thursday. It's Thursday. You're fine. Today is Thursday. Sorry, sorry. Tomorrow's Friday. What an honor it is to be here speaking to all of you today. Today is tomorrow. Today is tomorrow. Today, because today is tomorrow. And tomorrow is the future. And tomorrow is the future. Excellent, you nailed it. Now, that's something that... That was just a joke we were doing back here. That is something that we pride ourselves on as Americans. And we do jokes back here sometimes to lighten... No, we don't. No, we don't. We do. You don't. We do. And you don't. What I'm trying to tell you here today is that this is no joking matter. Many people would say, as Americans, that we joke too much. And to that, I would say we don't joke enough. Get off the joke topic. And so what I meant to say about the patient Bill of Rights is that we are proud to instrument this. We're not proud.

54:42You're confused. And then there are still others that say we are not proud. We are elated. We are elated. We are not proud. We are elated. Good word, Bob. That we can be doing this for our country. And for you. And for you. The American people. The American people. Of the United States of America. Of the United States. Overkill. Of America. That's overkill. I love the earphone bit. I love the earphone bit. And he goes backstage. What the hell is the matter with you people? Can you guys get your ass together? Can you figure out what you're going to tell me while I'm up there? You people, I find that offensive. You people, I find that offensive. That's the best. Joaquin, go ahead. Joaquin Phoenix.

55:41yesterday had to go on letterman and apologize for his uh infamous appearance to pursue a career in music uh to me that seems uh excuse me i mean you did sing in the film but it seems unlikely because you've been nominated for two academy awards i frankly when i heard about it later was surprised that anybody had believed it and then after seeing you here first of all really all i care about is me in this now Now, I'm assuming he's there as Joaquin. Yes. He's not doing the bit anymore. Clean shaven. Clean shaven. Cleanly shaven. Now, did I know anything about this? No. Yeah. Was there a script that you and I were working with? No. Thank you very much. I was not part of it, was I? Yeah, but like you said, I mean, I think that you've interviewed many, many people, and I assume that you would kind of know the difference between a character and a real person. But I apologize. I hope I didn't offend you in any way. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I was not offended. I'm telling you, it was so much fun. It really, it was good. I bet it was. Gosh, I know. I bet it was cool.

56:59to interview him as this different guy. Yeah. And Letterman had the greatest line in his career. Ever. Sorry you couldn't be here tonight. Sorry you couldn't be. It's the greatest. It's like crack out of the park. It's on the press since. I mean, it's like, everybody saw that interview. Everybody saw that interview. He is, Joaquin is top. I mean, I just love that dude. I'm like re-attracted to him again. I was, and then the whole bit was weird, and now I'm back on board. He's so great in Walk the Line. So great in Gladiator. Brokeback Mountain. Brokeback Mountain. So good. He was in 8mm. I was thinking of a different film, I think. He's just brilliant. He was in 8mm? Yeah. Never seen it. you wouldn't like it it was batting practice you know what i mean every one of them was a dinger yeah

57:51Well, we'd hoped to come on a talk show, and I was looking for a beatdown, and I got one. I really want to thank you for that. It's perfect. Well, there's probably a reason he didn't pick Leno and picked Letterman. I like this. Good luck for you. I kind of like that. He knew Letterman would look at him and be like, really? Really? Douchey. And just fillet him. Of course. And he did. Here's more on it. And then the movie comes out and somehow I got the sense that I had been made a fool of. And I really got to thinking, what? Me? How did that happen? If people go see that movie and they, because quite a lot of that show is in the movie, is that right? Yeah, it is. I think the interview that night, a year and a half ago, lasted almost 11 minutes. And there's almost five minutes of that interview in the film. Wow. Now, how do I come off? Do I come off good or do I come off like a... I want to see it so bad. I do too. I want it. It hasn't changed a...

58:58Nothing. For me. Nothing. In fact, I want to see it more. I do too. I think he's more brilliant. Yes. Now that I know he was acting like, you know, doing that for the whole time. Yeah. Like a jerk. No, I don't think you come off as a jerk. I think you... No, wait. No, no, no. No, no, no. What is that? No, I don't. Honestly... If you don't know, Joaquin Phoenix... What just did a documentary where it makes it look like he'd gone off the deep end and wanted to become a rapper? Yeah, but a rapper that dresses like the Blues Brothers and has a big long beard and dude the guy lived it lived it for a year and a half Yeah, that was that's it was his character for a year and a half. Yeah, he was in clubs and actually trying to rap yep Right into your hands didn't I essentially you came out looking for a beatdown and you got one Yes. But is it edited in such a way to make it look like, oh, poor Joaquin, Big Dumb Dave is picking on poor Joaquin? Oh, wow. I don't think so. So you haven't seen the film? No. Because everyone else has.

1:00:11You're the only one in America. That's pretty awesome, by the way. He's being a smartass because nobody has seen that thing. That's smart, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's smart. Oh, yeah. He's very smart. I'm not kidding. It made $529,000. Really? It's still unlimited release, though, right? Which is nothing. Yeah, it hasn't gone still. I think they're building the anticipation. No, I'm sorry. $259,000. That's nothing. I don't limit it. What is that, one theater? That's like one bar tab for them. They're calling it a box office flop. Really? That sucks. Has it hit the mainstream thing? No, but still, they said, man, what a flop that was. How could there be this much hype around it if people aren't seeing it? I want to see it so bad. I thought there was bigger buzz than that. Yeah. I guess I called that one wrong. Me too. I still. I'm in all the way, though, still. I still will date Joaquin, just for the record. You will? If he's interested. For the record. For the record. For the record. He's white. That's all right. Okay. You like African-American men. I... Are exclusive to African-American men. Yes, only African-American. You only like African-American men. I think there's a higher... You discriminate against anything other than African-American men. There's a higher percentage that I will be attracted to. Of African-American men that you like.

1:01:36I appreciate it, man. Yeah, you got it. I appreciate the fact that you like the African American. I do, I do. Not every single one. But most. But yeah, most. Pretty much everybody is black. No, it's just. What about me? Are you looking at the ground? What about me? You're lovely. I am? Yeah. I'm precious. You have a nice voice. I do. You have a great voice. What voice? I look like you ate precious. It's sad. You're going to make a joke. That is cold. Cold. That is cold. Yes. LaVar. It's too easy. What you doing tonight? Oh, boy. I got to get ready for the show tomorrow. I got a big day. That's right. What time do you go to bed, girl? Like seven. How about me and you? Say what? 530. Coco's? I can't. I got work to do before I go to bed.

1:02:47That's an all-you-can-eat, right? Isn't that place that has the good pies? They got pies? That is really very nice of you. Coconut pie? Yeah, they got everything. That's really nice of you, but unfortunately... I'll pick you up at 5.30. I'll pick you up at 5.30. I'll pick you up at 5.30. You all. Why? Because it was for sale. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Not tonight. Okay. Did somebody drive you in the U-Haul? Yes. Okay. That's what I thought. What's new tomorrow night? Oh, boy. What's tomorrow night? Oh, it's my friend's birthday tomorrow night. Yeah. Perfect. I'll take you to his party. It's her. Oh. Yeah. Girls night out. Girls night. Yeah. Girls night. Ah, creepy. Why don't me and you go on a date? Oh, that's weird. That's me and you. Why don't we talk about this off the radio? Be good. How about me?

1:04:06It might actually be good material for the show. That's why I said it. Yeah, yeah. I saw that. We'll talk about it later. Just relax. Yeah, you're getting all worked up. You stood up too quickly. Got up way too. Can you see that? Tripped over the couch. My goodness. Oh, boy. Ten minutes. L.O.B. is going to wear a meat suit. How about that? Gotta get that webcam going. Yeah, we do. Oh, yeah. I got to plug it in. Hey, let's do M1 Copycat. You want to? Do you have time? I got the jazz here. Woods, what? What's your problem? I'm so mad at it. We all are. You're great. You're great. Let me see. All right, so we reach in here, and if we are able to, if the M1 is able to tell us who we're imitating, they win. 5701949. Call us right now. If you're able to tell us what voice we're doing, then you win.

1:05:08We're going to reach in, me, L.O.B., and Woodsy, we're going to reach into this basket. There are celebrities' names in here. Whatever name we pull, we have to copy them. We have to do an imitation of them. And if you can tell who it is that we're imitating, then there you go. You win. It's so fun. Did anybody win last time? I don't think so. I don't think we got, I don't think any of us did a voice that anybody can recognize. I did John Wayne. You did. Pilgrim? Yeah. Why don't we give people 20 seconds? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 seconds? 20 seconds is good. We'll use the timer that we have, 20 seconds. And what do we have as a prize? I'm going to give them UFC 119 pay-per-view from Cox Advanced Suite. That is a prize. Matt Serra will be on the show today. Mm-hmm. So that's cool. Okay, let's start with M1 AK from OB. Are you there? Yeah. Okay, AK. You're going to have 20 seconds, and I'm going to draw a name from this basket, and then I'm going to start to imitate the person. I don't know who it's going to be, but you have 20 seconds to figure out who it is I'm imitating. The only rule for us is that we can't do that person's famous line. Yeah, no signature phrases. No signature phrases. We can do some clues, though, right? No? Okay. I think you're getting into dangerous territory. Am I in dangerous territory? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I will do the imitation, AK. All you have to do is tell me who I am.

1:06:38Within 20 seconds. Are you ready? Ready. All right, here we go. I've pulled the name, and I'm looking. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, boy. And I can't use any of this person's famous phrases. You'll have 20 seconds, and here we go. What happened to the clue? I'm going to do the imitation for you right now. You'll get 20 seconds. Are you ready? Okay. Let's see. Here we go. I'm doing this person, and... This person talks like this. Andy Dick? No. Andy Dick. You're cute, though. I think you're cute. That's not Andy Dick. No, we are not. Sorry. Ruben, the guy on Channel 8. Ruben, the guy on Channel 8.

1:07:38No, it's Ruben, the guy on Channel 5, I think is who you're thinking of. Oh, my stomach. Did you guys know who I was imitating? I was imitating Paris Hilton. I could tell you didn't want to say that's hot. I couldn't say that's hot. I couldn't say that's sexy. That's cute. She's hard to do. I can't really do her. It's hard. I can do her. I'm sure you can. Thank you for the call. All right, let's see. M1 Chris, are you there? Let's cross. I'm here. All right, Chris. Woods is reaching into the basket. He's pulled out a name. You will have 20 seconds when I say begin. No. You will have 20 seconds when I say begin. No idea. You have to. You better do a good job, Woods. All right, man. I'm going to try. Have you seen my commercial? Is that a clue? Sorry. My name, I can't tell you. I have no clue. Neither do I. I can hear myself in the background. Lovely. You don't know? No! I knew it! Can I try that one? I knew it. This person talks like this. Barack Obama? They talk like this. Yes, it does sound a little bit like Barack Obama. That's the best I could have done. Do you know who that is? No.

1:09:01It's William Shatner. I knew when you said, have you seen my commercial? Yeah, I'm sorry. I gave a hint. Does he sing? Feast. No. Yes, he sings all those price lines. Yeah, price lines. All right, let's see if we can give one prize away. Okay, I'm going to nail it. Ever. M1 Andrew from Tierra Santa, L.O.B., who is a queen of voices. Oh, my gosh. She just reached into the basket and pulled a name. And the 20 seconds. It's going to be hard not to do signature phrases. You can't do the signature phrases. The 20 seconds will begin now. I just like talking about things that I notice. You know, I don't have a fashion sense. Madden? Madden? Madden? We are the worst. The worst. We are the worst. Holy cow. We're the worst. She was trying to do... What's the deal? If you can't go, what's the deal? You can't say, what's the deal? Maybe we amend it. Yeah, well, dude.

1:10:16We'd be like, what's the deal? So bad. Did you guys know who I was? No. No clue. I put the names in the baskets and I didn't know who you guys were doing. M1 Freddy from Chula Vista. Holy cow. All right, you didn't put the name back, did you? No, I threw it away. Okay, cool. All right, I'm reaching in the basket. I'm reaching in the basket. I've pulled out a name. Okay. Oh, God. Okay, I can't use any signature phrases, and we will begin now. I'm talking like this. I talk when I'm talking. I do something like this. So maybe you can figure out who I am. Who is it? Come on, tell me who it is. Tell me. Hey, you're very close. You SOB, I did my best for you and you couldn't figure it out. What the heck am I supposed to do if I do the voice for you and you can't even do it? I gave that everything. It's dead on. He knows who it is. He's just not coming up with a name. He doesn't know the name. I gave him everything I had. Gilbert Godfrey. Gilbert Godfrey. I knew in the first second. Oh, yeah.

1:11:39Thank you. M1, Chris, we got one more chance. There's one more name in there. Oh, man. I'm telling you. It was the best we could do. All right, Woodsy pulled the last one. You've got 20 seconds, and he can't use any signature phrases. I know it. Here we go. I live in Chicago. I'm big. Get out of my way. Here I come. Is that it? That's all I got. Shut your mouth, fool. Mr. T. Yeah. There you go. You got it. He says, I pity the fool. Thank you. Because he says, I pity the fool. We need a winner. We got to give one of these things away today. Hang on the line. Hang on the line. Holy crap. This is the hardest game ever. I love it.

1:12:40I have never tried Gilbert Gottfried. So one thing we figured out. You keep doing that. Oh, that's funny. When we come back, Lauren will be in a meat suit. Oh, boy. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. I hate that thing. That's a problem. Yeah, that's next. We'll do that next. What'd you guess? Had a bagel. Sumptuous. Was it delicious? It was delicious. Nice. Yeah, a little sesame seed, a little cream cheese. Look at you. It's good. Is that your favorite type, sesame seed? Not really. I just kind of went out on a limb today. I don't even know why I got it. I've never gotten one before. Bagel? A sesame seed. What do you get? I get plain. It's a plain guy. I like everything, but with the sandwich I get, it's the jalapeno cheddar. It's a good one. It made me poop last time I ate it. Oh, great.

1:14:13I love me some everything bagels. Oh, yeah. Just get the stuff caught in my teeth. All right, let's quit beating around the bush and put you in a meat suit. Let's get this done, all right? Yesterday, we played BB Gun Spelling Bee, and for every word that Woods got wrong, he had to get shot in the butt with a BB gun. L.O.B. refuses to do the BB, and so we said, well, we got to do something. She said, what? Oh, boy. We said, you wear a meat suit. She said, we don't have a meat suit. Jay said, I'll make a meat suit. I said, yeah, right. A listener made a meat suit. If you go to MikeyShow.com right now, you can go and look at it. Ew, it's falling apart. Oh, God. You can go online. Oh, it's all, look how wet and stuff it is. Oh, gosh. Do you want my t-shirt? Can I put a trash bag on? No. Underneath. No. No, I'll give you a t-shirt. Oh. Here goes L.O.B. Hey, L.O.B., yeah, you got it. Your headphones, get your hair. I can hold it like you're throwing out. I need to take my headphones off. She has to put on this thing like a straight jacket. Yeah, of meat. She's tying her hair in a bun. It's foul. It's bologna and roast beef. Good thing is you only have to wear it for four breaks. It's touching my neck.

1:15:59I need to try this again. Hey, only three more breaks after this one, L.O.B. Did she get to wear a hat, the meat hat? No, no, no, no. She's wearing... How about those BBs now? It's actually kind of stylish. She's going to vomit. It's kind of stylish. It looks kind of... Move the can so everybody can see. I may throw up. No, you're fine. You're fine. All right, Jay is putting a plastic bag over her chair. Oh, gosh. Oh, God. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. She's gagging. She's gagging. Do you want me to make you a mayonnaise sandwich? Oh, my gosh. You only have three more breaks to go. No big deal. Like an hour and a half. Oh, God. The little things that roast beef are really what makes it. It smells so bad. It smells like a fart. If she pukes, I'm leaving. Okay.

1:17:18Okay. Oh, my gosh. That's so awful. I brought a change of clothes. It's so funny. Oh, it's brilliant. She's going to have to shower for a week. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It's wet. It's wet. It is wet. It's moist. I don't even want to put my headphones on because I don't want the cord to touch the meat. Holy cow. Holy cow. Maybe you take a BB next time. Real good. That BB sounds really nice. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Should we give her a chance? Mike, should we give her a chance to take, I don't know, five BBs? Would you trade five BBs for the meat suit? For the meat suit. No, she will not. Yeah. She'll take five. Holy cow. Holy cow. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

1:18:23It smells so bad. How about we give her a BB? How about we give her a BB? Five! Five! We all get to shoot her. I have tears in my eyes. One apiece. Holy cow. One apiece what? One BB apiece. Oh, you mean for each break? What are you talking about? I sure, you sure, Chris shoots her and Jay shoots her. Four BBs. Chris won't shoot me. She has to decide. I say she only has to do one. One? I took eight. That's no penalty. I'll let you each do one. You'll let us each do one? No, I think we just stick with a meat suit, I think. No! I think so. It's hysterical. She's going to barf, though. There's layers of baloney. She's going to barf. We can't. We can't. She's faking. No, I'm not. Every time I get... Disgusting. That's so funny. And one meat freak made this? I have not laughed like this for so long. I'm so glad I brought a change of clothes. It stinks, dude. It stinks really bad. I just ate. A pork chop. Her mouth is producing additional saliva. Yeah. What's saliva? It's saliva.

1:19:59How about... Wait, wait, wait. It's here. Down my cheek. You have to take a BB off the forehead. Can I get you a pork sandwich and a dirty ass tray? Holy cow. You gotta let her take it off, Woodsy. You gotta let her take it off. Look into my eyes. She has to go one break. She has to go one break and then we'll shoot her for the next two. Yeah. My gosh. She's gonna... Oh my gosh. She's faking. She's faking. She's faking. Let her take it off. Let her take it off. Let her take it off. What? Look at her. Look at her. Let me ask you this. Would you let me take it off? No. No, but you wouldn't cry and vomit. I'd vomit. Yeah, you would. Okay.

1:21:02Oh, my God. I haven't seen anything come out of her mouth yet. I know. I know. When she vomits, she can take it off. Okay, let's. Oh, she's close, though. Should we? Should we? Holy crap. Oh, you got to get a picture of her face. It's like Courtney Love with a black mascara around her face. Meat all over her. How does Courtney Love found herself in the same exact. A baloney suit, yeah. I'm trying to hold my breath, but every time I take a breath to breathe, I smell it. Don't they? We got to literally take it off. Yeah, take it off. Take it off. Take it off. Get that thing out of here. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Take off your headphones. I'm sorry. Take off your headphones. Oh, my. It's the funniest thing. That is the. That's foul. 570-1949. M1 Lulu. M1 Lulu from Mira Mesa. What was the word of the day? Yes, it was. Oh, my gosh.

1:22:12It was sumptuous, and you just won a pair of tickets to see Spoon at Soma, a pair of tickets to see the Pixies at Remac, and you also won a pay-per-view for UFC 119. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. I'm good. Should we shoot her now or shoot her later? I stuck my head in the trash can to be like, I need to throw up. And I got a whiff of a piece of bologna in there. And it sent me over the edge. Oh, my gosh. We've got to get those pictures up. It's crazy. It's fantastic. Oh, wait. I needed a napkin. You needed a napkin. Look at my face. I know it. I have tears streamed. So did I. Oh, my gosh. I have not laughed like that in a long time. Hang on the line, all right, Lulu? Okay, thank you. My goodness. She's like, just give me my prize. M1 Virgin Nikki from Escondido. Hi, guys. How are you? Okay, so Lady Gaga didn't even wear a meat suit. Yeah, she did. It was a blood red see-through lace gown. Hey, she called it a meat suit yesterday. She said it was a meat suit. Oh, she did? Yes. She goes, now even people like me can wear meat suits. Yeah. Yeah, I think the one you were looking at, Nikki, was from 2009. Yeah. Oh.

1:23:33It was meat. I said you got prego brain. Oh, you put it on my Facebook? I put it on my Facebook. Oh, okay. I'm shooting for you. It's got bologna. She's got bologna oil on her shirt. Thank you, Virgin Nikki. Okay. This is the worst. Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you, I hope that that was half on the radio what it was in here. Oh my gosh. I hope on the radio it was at least half of what I experienced. How did she do that? It smells like a toilet. In the studio. She must be not right in the head. No kidding. She could do that for an entire however long. And she wore, you know, steaks. Oh my gosh. Steaks. Tears running down my face, baloney grease on my shirt. Oh my gosh. Oh boy. Oh, I'm queasy. That was some good stuff. Oh, gosh. I can't believe I didn't actually do it. Yeah. You held it together, lady. So when do I have to get shot? Let's do it now. Let's do it now. Oh, my gosh. Do you want to take a BB? Yeah, I'll do it. I mean, I don't want to. I never wore my sunglasses. Couldn't even get the sunglasses on. Yeah, you didn't even get your sunglasses on. I wore them without the meat suit. Go ahead and put on your sunglasses. Okay.

1:24:51You got them on. They're like horn-rimmed zebra glasses, and it's pretty great. That's amazing. Who's going to do it? Do I stand in the corner there? Yeah, you got to stand in the corner. Oh, gosh. You guys are mean. I think we all get to do it. We say we each get to shoot her. Do we have any Gaga? I don't know. Do you have any? I'm sure you do. Let me see. I do. Wait, what do I do? Just bend over. Bend over. It doesn't hurt. I got to be able to watch. Wait, wait, wait. I got to be able to watch. Go ahead. Here we go. Here we go. Just bend over. Just do whatever you want. You already gave her one. She already got her one shot. Come on. Really? I wish I was a girl. I'm trying to take it easy on her. Really? We didn't take it easy on her yesterday. Use a pillow and you get to block with a pillow. No, you don't.

1:26:04I'll go to the cheek. Right cheek? Right cheek. Left cheek, she said. Right cheek. No! I don't think it even came out on that second one. I don't think it did. I'll show you the bruises. It's the worst day of my life. Best day of mine. I have not laughed like that, L.O.B. Just take a lot of pride. And the fact that I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. You did your job today a little bit. You brought it. I did. You brought it. Oh, I don't know. I think the meat suit was worse. Oh, way worse. Yeah. That hurts, though. It's smart. Ooh, it's smart. Ooh, that's smart. It's smart. Oh, man, that was great. It was great. Aren't you glad that the meat suit's gone? Yeah, it's foul. Yeah. It smelled like meat, you know. Disgusting. I'm sweating everywhere.

1:27:10Where's Tiger playing this weekend? Where's his golf? Ryder Cup, I think. Is it? I don't know. I thought that was a big deal and you were into it. I don't know. I don't know. Why are you asking me? Because I saw him on TV and I want to know if there's a big golf tournament. I read an article about his caddy getting bumped from the flight to Wales, which is where the Ryder Cup is. I think it's the Ryder Cup this weekend. You're real into that. Maybe you mentioned that in sports, Woods. Aren't you into it? Very into the Ryder Cup. Very cool. The U.S. against the world. Europe. It's going to be great. You need to watch it. Okay. If you've never seen it before, maybe we get him on Hawk on the phone because I don't even know what I'm talking about. Yeah. I have no idea. Research and let me know. Okay. How are you feeling? I'm okay. I'm really glad I don't have to meet you. Can you imagine? It's okay now. It stings for a good, like, 30 seconds afterwards. Yeah. It'll bruise. It gives you a little bit of a, you know, how's your father? Oh, boy. It stings for just a second. It's actually next week, Mike, but they're there early to practice. It's October 1st through 3rd. Got it. Hey, Mikey, do you want to update on the trade-up for charity? Please. It's up to $1,450. Erica Rodriguez is our current highest bidder. $1,450 for four nights and a portrait. Make that right. I mean, it's incredible because it's worth $4,000. You got to bid more than that. Got to get in there.

1:28:32Tomorrow it ends. It ends tomorrow. 570-1949 is our phone number. And if you want to bid on Trade Up for Charity, all the money going to Rady Children's Hospital. And we're talking about four-night stay at the Four Seasons in Maui. Can't you write that off? Yeah, I'm sure you could. Can't you? It's charity. Yeah, we're going to make the check right out to Rady's. Dude. Yep. Somebody pony up. Yeah, please. MikeyShow.com is where you find out more information about it. Erica Rodriguez is like, you guys shut up. Shut up. I did pony up. I ponied up. Did you hear that Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are going to be new judges on American Idol? It's a good thing for me that I could care less about American Idol, but the articles that I was reading, because I'm forced to read, were saying that, dude, they don't know if this thing's going to make it with this lineup. I don't think so. It seems kind of dumb. Listen to the, they're trying to make the announcement and give the big intro and listen to this, what happens. Oops. Here we go. Terrible audio problems when they're trying to do it. Can we turn mic one down, please? Mic one, hot, hot. Oh, shut up.

1:30:09Hey, John, I think we're a little hot on mic one. Jennifer's mic. Jennifer's mic. Somebody turn it down. Oh, no. Now Seacrest mic. Mic two is having a problem. We're having a problem with mic two. Check the amp. I think it's an amp that feeds both mics. Listen, she's already annoying. That didn't even start it. I know. She's already annoying. Just when I was starting to like her. Steven. Tyler. Yeah, here's Steven Tyler talking about it. Wow! Wow. Different answers, same content. With a band, we've been married for 40 years, remember, and five guys, which makes it even worse than women. I could go for an hour and explain that, but you know, at first they were jealous. Don't pull that cool rock star I get girls routine on me, pal. You just joined American Idol. Yeah, you're on American Idol now.

1:31:08They heard it through the press and not through me, but then I said to them four months ago, I'm Steven Tyler from Midol. I don't get a period, but if I did, I would use Midol. For another lead singer, so, you know, things go up and down. I spent a stint in Betty Ford, but, you know, as a band goes, we live on the tail of a con. I did too. Which building were you on? And I've been on tour with these guys for 40 years, and they've been judging me every day. And so, you know, sometimes it hurts a lot of times. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. You sit on a couch. Keep it lighthearted, Steve. So much for dream on. Sometimes we did cocaine till four in the morning. It's painful, you know. So much for every bit of credibility that you ever had. You get very serious there, though, right? Yeah, he's getting real serious about it. Maybe just retire. Just hang out.

1:32:11They've been playing your band, Aerosmith. Jennifer Lopez and Ryan Seacrest are smiling next to him. He's like, let me tell you about heroin. Sometimes the lows are really low with the band. You know? Me and Joe, we don't get along anymore. Steven, shut up. Speedballs, you know? Speedballs. He left a message on my voicemail. It was really hurtful. Yeah, I get it. I'm Jenny from the block. I get it. Shut up. Let's have fun. Give me a second. Give me a second, Jennifer. I need to get this out of my soul. So I called him back. I said, Joe, did you talk to Tim? He says no. And I go, well, fine. Is it okay if I take this time to do this? I just want to talk about... See, Chris, tell him to shut up. I need to get this out, if you don't mind. I know we're giving an announcement here. This isn't the forum for you to be doing this. So I said to him two years ago, when we were going to do the vacation reissue, I said... I'm sick of this. I want to do Broadway. He says, I don't care, you know. You're Steven effing Tyler. Most times I came out through the wormhole stronger. Oh, God. You know, so it's a real journey with those guys, and they would say the same about me. I'm sure they're real happy for me. I mean, this is nothing. Ecstatic. Yeah, thrilled. Throwing streamers and confetti. Maybe they can find a little Asian man.

1:33:37Like Journey did. Yeah. Rubbing an elevator. Riving it up when it's going down. Rubbing an elevator. Riving it up when it can't go down. Gleam on. Gleam on. Gleam on. Ragdoll. Ragdoll living in the city. You want to talk about tipping etiquette when we come back? Yeah. Oh, boy.

1:34:34I think it got a little explosive in the studio yesterday. For an hour and a half. Off the air. How many times do you think I said save it for the air? Save it. Save it. Save it. Stop talking. Save it. Save it. Save it. Save it. Stay classy over there, pal. I love that. Yeah, we'll talk about classy next. Mikey Show is me, Woods, L-O-B, Sienna, who's not here, and Jay. Who is our producer and Chris. It's Chris. That's a pretty song that was just done. I love Big Log. I love Robert Plant. Big Log. Big Log. Listen, I've got a new record here. Right, right. I've produced it and it's brilliant, Robert. That's right. It's brilliant. This last track, I don't have a name. I think I do. What do you got?

1:35:54I want you to listen to me when I tell you the name of it. All right, you're Robert Plant, of course. So I don't want you to make a big deal out of it. All right, it's not a big deal. Well, you might think it's a big deal. You might question it. What's it called? Big Log. Come again? I said the name of the record is going to be Big Log. Big Log? That's right. As in a turn? I told you you were going to react. As in a turn? I said you would react like this. You're Robert Plant. You can't call it Big Log. Listen to me, mate. You can't call it Big Log. You're losing your mind. You're acting like a bloody idiot. I told you you were going to react. I told you. It's a turd floating in the loo. That's right, but you've got to hear me. You've got to hear me before you react like this. It's ridiculous. I was. You think because you're Robert Plant, you call it whatever you want. Big Log. I was smoking cocaine on a Big Log. All right. Big Log it is. Wow. I guarantee you.

1:36:55That conversation happened. I guarantee you. Somebody had to say, Big Log. Big Log. Really, Robert? That's the best you can do. That's the best you can do? I mean, why not call it Stinky One? How about Big Ted? Yeah. Beef Fuck Turn. Have you considered that name? I guarantee you that happened. Guarantee. If I ever met Robert Plant, that's the first thing. I wouldn't ask him about Zeppelin or anything. I'd go, why Big Log? Why? Why would you call it big log? Why not then, mate? Why wouldn't I call it that then? Cracks me up. He would say something so stupid, do you? He would go, doesn't it have a sound like a big log? Doesn't it have a sound like that? I got it from the ancient Greeks. They were talking about the ruins of the city. That's right. It was a big log. They had a word, a trochus. Which translates. Yeah, trochus, which means big log. Amazing. He's talking about his piece. That's what I was thinking. Oh, boy. What's the trade-up for charity at? What are we at? $1,300? $1,400? It's at $1,450. Come on. Get on it. Stay on it. And bid. Four nights at the Four Seasons of Maui. And a beautiful framed photo from createyourdesignonline.com. It's great. So yesterday, the topic of tipping came up.

1:38:28and Woods is really adamant about it, and he called me some kind of backwards, you know, country dirtbag. Classless? Classless. Classless. Started off with me going, I went to the dump, and I took a trailer full of stuff, and I was there unloading my stuff, and this first time ever, two guys came over and started helping me unload, and I was like, you know, when I was done, I was like, should I tip these guys? And was like, of course, you tip everyone. I was like, well, first off, I didn't bring tip money to the dump, really, because that's what I normally do. You didn't carry your wallet to the dump? Yeah. Really, how many dollars do you have in your wallet right now? Hey, can you make change? Mine's empty. Is that tip money? Oh, look at you, high roller. 14, 15, 16 cents. Plenty of tips. Is that just tip money you're carrying? Yeah, he's got just tip money. Yeah. Those guys helped you unload your truck. Did they help you? Yeah, absolutely. Were they helpful? So what should I do? Should I have gone? Grease them a couple bucks. Should I have gone to the Vons? No, if you didn't have it, you didn't have it. And you didn't know they were going to be there. In your defense, you didn't know they were going to be there. Who tips at the dump? I would. If they helped me unload my stuff, I would. So you tip the lady at the cash register or the person who bags your groceries? Well, I tip the guy. If he bags my groceries and carries them out, I grease him with five. What about the person that's bagging them and he doesn't carry them out? He's helping you. Because they don't work for tips. Those other guys do.

1:39:47The guy at the dump does? They always have. The guy at the dump had a tip belt. I could just put it right in his G-string. Why tip a bartender? Why tip a bartender? You're supposed to put it in his G-string. Why tip a bartender? Because it's standard. And it's well known. Because it's standard. It's well known that you tip bartenders. It's well known that you tip waiters and waiters. It should be well known that you tip the guy that carries your groceries out, for sure. Well, who has people carry their groceries out? Some people do. Okay, let's say you don't. Okay. Because I didn't know that the guy at the dump was a guy that you tip because... I didn't know that? I didn't know they existed, but I would have tipped them is what I'm saying. I know, though, that the people that bag my groceries exist, and I don't tip them. Right. I don't tip them either unless they carry my stuff out. Okay. Why don't you tip them for bagging your groceries? They're performing a service. I don't know. I don't have an answer to that. I'm afraid that's not going to suffice because you have told me that you should know. And that Jay should know that he tips that guy. There are, and for people that have class and stuff that know about tipping, they should know. You should know who you should tip and who wouldn't. If you have class, you would know that the dump guy is to be tipped. Now, how do you have class and not know that the guy at the grocery store? Because they don't get tips. They have never worked for tips.

1:41:10But the guy that's helping you unload your truck, you should grease him a couple bucks. Oh, wait a minute. I bet that we could have baggers call right now and go, I've been tipped, which means that they've worked for tips, just like the guy at the dump. Right. So my point is, is that, you know, it is possible to have class and not know. Yeah. You don't know. Could be. You didn't get the memo. What about the guy at like... Like, I pull my car up. Me and my sister with her six-month-old baby were struggling to get something in the car. So he comes. He's got that, like, girdle, whatever that belt is. The weight belt. Yeah, and he helps and gives us, oh, oh, thank you. We weren't expecting it. Was I supposed to tip him? Yeah, I would have grease that guy, too. What? Because he gave us a nudge that we didn't ask for? Yeah, because at Ikea, the bit with Ikea is you're supposed to carry out your own stuff, and you're supposed to load your own stuff. Now, he came out and helped you. I would have given the guy two bucks. I'm not saying give the guy $20. I'm saying I'm giving him $2. Thanks, man. Thanks for your help. But why? I didn't ask for it. Oh, you didn't ask for it? No. He came up behind. We were putting it in the back of her car, and then he nudged it in. He gave you a nudge. I don't know. A nudge. But if he pulled it out to your car, loaded it in, then I would have given him $2. You've got to know. You have to be self-aware. In the world that we live in? Be self-aware. Really? Yeah. If somebody helps you, help them back. Mondrian. Okay, Mike. Mondrian. What about it?

1:42:29Let's talk about it. Let's talk about the Mondrian. You ready? Yeah. Okay. Mikey has a big problem with this. Okay. I made reservations at the Mondrian Hotel in Los Angeles for my wife and I. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on a second. Are you about to tell the story about how you were wronged, therefore? Yes. Comma? Yes. Therefore, I got mine back. I got mine back. Yes. You showed them. I showed them. Did you tip? The house cleaner? Yes. How much did you tip? Ten bucks. Ten bucks. Five bucks a day. You always tip. Always. At a hotel. Which I never knew that either. Always at a hotel. Never knew that either. Tip at a hotel. I didn't know that either. And I looked yesterday on Hotels.com. This isn't from SteveWoods.com. This is Hotels.com. Hotels.com. Yeah, and what did it say? $5 to $10 a day. No, $1 to $5 a day. Okay, now what is Hotels.com's policy on stealing? I don't know. You haven't seen that? It didn't say anything on there. Weird. Okay. Weird. I wonder because I know that you noticed that there was a- I stole a Montreal robe. You noticed that there was a storeroom door open. You looked around. There was no one watching you. Right. And so you went in, you got a robe, and you took it. I took it.

1:43:44And the reason you took it was you said, well, you know what? They screwed me. They didn't have my room ready. They totally screwed me. They didn't have my room ready. And they gave me the wrong room. Yeah. And they were so... turd-like the whole time we were there. It was the worst visit. We'll never stay there again. Yeah. And I wrote them as such and told them it was a crap visit. Did you tell them that you took a robe? I don't know. I'm not telling them that, but the robe is... That would be ridiculous. The robe is so nice. I bet it is. It is so nice. I bet those things are expensive. Yeah. In fact, I bet you owe the Mondrian. No, they owe me because they gave me the wrong room. Well, I wonder if the house cleaner... Yeah. ended up having that come out of her paycheck since they thought she stole it. No, they wouldn't think that she stole it. Of course not. After all, she's the only one with a key to the storeroom and she made a mistake and left the door open. Nobody stole anything. I stole it. Yes. They thought that she stole it. I have trouble with that word. They thought she stole it. They docked her pay. She possibly got fired. She got 10 back on it.

1:44:53Because that's what I left her when I left. Yeah, now she only owes $40 more and she'll have a complete row. $40? Exactly. More like $75. Yeah, upwards of probably like $100. $75 to $80 to $100. We're talking apples and oranges. Right, right. We're talking theft and tipping. Right. So let's go back to the classless act of not tipping. What about, okay, let's think here. Yes, let's. I forgot what I was going to say. Okay, perfect. Mike, you don't tip at hotels? No, I didn't know you were supposed to. I noticed when we went to Vegas last week. I will now. I'm going to ask you a question. I didn't see this, so I don't know. When we went to Vegas last week, I had checked in. I wasn't checking bags. You and Rebecca were. You had a couple of big bags. Yeah. You guys checked into the sky caps. Did you grease those guys? Why? They only lifted your bag from one foot to the other. Dude, I'll be honest. I tipped the bag guy. We went to a spa while we were there. We tipped the spa. Of course. In every one of these situations, I've had to either be told or I had to ask. What about the concierge? Hang on. I had to either be told or I had to ask. At some point in my life, I had to go, do you tip this? I never know. I don't know. And so I go, do you tip this? And I don't know. And so somebody tells me, I learned from you yesterday.

1:46:14that you are supposed to tip at a hotel. The house cleaning. Yes. The housekeeper. And I'm learning. I also learned that if you get to the hotel and your room is wrong, you're supposed to steal. Yeah. You steal. Yes. That's also, it's an unwritten rule, but it's still a rule. So man, I'm going to have to carry a lot of money because I'm going to have to tip everybody all of a sudden. Let me ask you this. So you were in Vegas. Yeah. You didn't rent a car. No. Did you have people come pick you up or did you take cabs? We took a cab. When you... This is one thing I didn't do this trip that I usually do is the guy that hails the cab for you. It's tough, man. When you're at a hotel, you'll end up tipping everybody. The guy that hails the cab for you puts you in the cab, tells him where you want to go. Do you grease that guy? I usually do. What about when you stand in line? A lot of the hotels will have a line. This one did, and that's part of the reason why I didn't because I was waiting in line. I knew that we had to get the guy, the bell desk guy that calls the cab. He gets the cab. Yeah. Can't do that. Good gracious. But that guy, and I said to Rebecca, how much do I give him? Five. And Rebecca goes, five. Five. What about if you go down to the concierge and you say, hey, we're looking for a sushi restaurant, blah, blah, blah. You're supposed to tip the concierge? No. No, you don't. What the heck? No, you don't. Because they steal his hat. Yeah. Really? No, you really don't tip the concierge because you know why? Those guys make a ton of dough.

1:47:32Don't they get kickbacks from the places they recommend? Absolutely. And if they say, hey, go eat at Sushi Raw, and you go eat there, they get grease back. Right, right. M1 and Nick from San Diego. That's insane. How do you get a footlong? Nick, are you there? Yeah, absolutely. Go ahead. You're on the air. Hey, so I was listening to you guys talk about the dump. You can't tip those guys with the dump. They can't take it. They'll get fired. They won't take it. Wow. I still would have offered. I would have offered. Wood says you're supposed to. No, I would have offered. I'm not saying you're supposed to. I've never, I don't know any dump protocol. How do you know you go to? I don't either. I'll tell you what, bro. I'll tell you what. From whatever. I'll tell you this. What if you break down on the side of the road? You can't change a flat tire. I can't change a flat tire. What if two guys pull over and they're like, hey, man, we're going to help you get your thing jacked up? You go, hey, man, let me give you a tip. Absolutely. I offer them money for their time. Absolutely. What about if AAA comes? I wouldn't take your money. I'd be insulted. Because you pay for AAA.

1:48:26And they may not, Jay, but it's the offer that counts. Why not tip the AAA guy? Because you pay for AAA. You pay for that service. But you pay for your meal at a restaurant and you tip. But you know that the waitresses make less than minimum wage. But I don't know what a AAA guy makes. How about the guy that drives a shuttle to the airport? Yes, that was in the Hotels.com too. $1 to $2. Oh my gosh. Man, I don't even want the guy to touch my bag, but he's so insistent. He comes running out there to grab my bag so he can get his little tip. $1 to $2. And I'm already paying $17 a day to park my car there. I'm telling you, whatever Woodsy says I should tip, I would tip. But all I know is that... I did not know that you stay at a hotel, and he even had a special place you're supposed to put the tip. I think he said you're supposed to put it on the bottom of the owl's beak at 12 o'clock. I said put it on the nightstand. I want to retire someday. I don't want to tip everybody. You leave $3 to $5 or whatever, $1 to $5 every day. Let's say you stay five days, and you're at the Four Seasons in Maui, and you're loving it.

1:49:26Leave a $5 friggin' bill on the thing every day. A $5 bill? Yeah, when you guys go out to lay by the pool and do whatever you do. How do they know that's theirs and you didn't just leave a $5 behind? Because they know. You put it right there. Do they know? Yes, they know. Okay, I'll bet you this. I'll bet you that $5. If I had money out and I didn't know this, that would be considered stealing. Who leaves money laying around their hotel room? Nobody. People that forget. Nobody. People that are... Not laying... This iPod must be a tip. Laid out right by the phone. Since when is an iPod currency? No, you lay it right by the phone. Let me ask you. What if I was, you know, absent-minded. As you are. And as I am. As I am. And I left 60 bucks on my nightstand and I didn't think about it. And we went out to breakfast and they came in to clean the room. And they took it. Am I leaving a $60 tip? Well, it looks that way. Now, if they take it. Holy crap, I'd be on the phone going. Exactly, dude. I just got robbed. Exactly. Exactly you would. And you can say, hey, listen, that wasn't meant to be a tip. Okay, sir. Next time, please don't leave it on the nightstand. But I'm staying in your hotel. Yeah, but you're not in the room. Who leaves cash laying around their room in a hotel?

1:50:31I won't hear anymore, I guess. Nobody. Exactly. Sir, I won't hear anymore. Exactly. I didn't realize that anything that I left... Hey, just so that I let you know... No, no, not anything. Just money. Just money. My iPad is not for tip. just money. Since when is an iPad currency? This is money. How about the companies that are employing these people? Pay them enough so you don't have to tip every column. I didn't make the rules. I just live by them. It's different all the time. Here, if you go to a full service gas station, you're supposed to tip. I'm from New Jersey where all you have is full service. They're not allowed to accept tips there. It's just like the guy said about the guy at the dump. They can get fired if they accept tips. So it's like, now I come here and you're supposed to tip this guy. M1 Riches from Penasquitos? Yo. What's up? Why are we tipping so much? I don't know. Clean your room. I don't tip them. I refuse. They make whatever they make. They make that decision to be in that kind of job. You know, they make probably more than minimum wage for cleaning toilets and cleaning up after people's rooms.

1:51:32So why tip? And see, my deal is, it's not even that. It's not even, you know, oh, it's not that. My deal is, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. Now you know. I didn't know either, and I still want to tip. Well, I don't really make that big of a mess, but when I stay with the girls at a bachelorette party and they trash the room, then yeah, I leave money behind, but I'm pretty neat. M1 Riches, can I ask you, when you get takeout, do you tip? No. Takeout? No. When you go pick up, let's say you call an Italian restaurant. Nope. And you order some food and you're going to come pick it up, lasagna and some penne pasta. And you come pick it up and it's ready. And you pay with a credit card. Do you write a tip in there? I put zero through it. No tip. There's no reason for tip. I had to spend my gas to get there. Why should I have to tip? Woods? What? He tips. Is that right? Really? I tip. That's just me. I tip. You're wasting your money. Am I? On takeout? Yeah, I tip on takeout. If I go to Chili's to pick up dinner. I tip on takeout, but I never know what I'm supposed to put. I always do 10%. I do depending on the service. If the girl's really nice and I ordered a ton of stuff, then I give a couple bucks. But if I just got one chicken parmesan sandwich for myself in and out, sorry. How about you, Woods, on a chicken parm? I'd probably do a dollar or two.

1:52:56Why not just eat in then? Because I wanted to go watch TV on your sandwich. Why is it $50? If it's $4, $5? I don't know. Yeah, tip a couple bucks. I'm not made of money. I like taking care of people. I like to grease the maitre d'if. You can grease this over here. Yeah! Yeah, I brought you some staples earlier, Woods. Can I get a tip? Yeah, I'll grease you. Guy did a service, right? Our listeners should be tipping us every single morning then. Because we're making them laugh, right? We should tip them. Are we supposed to get tipped? We're performing a service. No, that's a bit arrogant. I would never say that. Well, yeah, we can't, right? We all get paid for our job. Yeah, everyone gets paid. That's the point. We get to work on the radio. We should be tipping them for listening. I agree with that. Hey, listen. I don't have an issue with what you're saying. Now you know. Now you know. I haven't gone to the mailbox. Now you're classy, pal. I didn't go to the mailbox and go, oh, wait a minute, babe. The old letter bit. Let's see what we got here. Oh, babe. It looks like we tip at the dump now. You guys tip for haircuts? Yeah. Why? Because you know that. Customary. Customary. Customary. That's it. Hotels are customary. It's customary. It really is.

1:54:07It really is. It really is. What about stealing rubs? I didn't make it up. Stealing rubs. Customary? Customary. Customary. In Thieve Land, right? You've never taken a towel from a hotel? In Steel Town. Have you ever taken a towel from a hotel? No. I haven't. What about soap? What about soap you didn't use? I have taken soap. Soap you didn't use? Stealing. I have taken. No. They're going to throw it out anyway if you use it. How do you know? Not if you use it. No, I said soap you didn't use. I have taken. Stole. No, it's part of the room package. I think it's part of the room package. They don't charge you for it. They do charge you for the robe. They say if you take the robe, you have to pay for it. That's another one they wouldn't have to buy. You stole. No! I thought that was 18 in Life by Skid Row for a second. Not even close. You thought it was I Remember You. I Remember You. Sounds like this. Oh, wow, yeah. 100%. Sounds like this. Such a jam. Do you know this song, L.O.B.? It's a good call. Guy can sing. At least sing that high. Mikey can. I used to know Sebastian Bach pretty good. Really? Yeah. And he lived in New Jersey. Did he? And I called him one time because there was some special on.

1:56:40They were showing him, but it wasn't like he was a part of it. Right. And he goes, babe. Mikey said I'm on TV, on MTV right now. Put it on. Put it on. That's funny. That's funny. That's pretty funny. Let's see. We got the pod squad here? Yeah, they're here. Nice. Let's talk to them. Let's talk to the pod squad. Love it. Love it. Come on in. How are you, man? Good to see you. How are you doing? Good to see you, bro. Pod squads in the house. Good to see you. The first place Padres. That's right. Pod Squad is in the studio. And how about this? I mean, dude, let me tell you. Last time you guys were here, I don't know that we would have known that we would have been in this place that we are right now. Yeah. It's pretty nice. Dude, it's like this.

1:57:38Every night, just biting nails. On the nails. It is. And when we come down to that Giants series, it's going to be pretty great. Yeah. I mean, 11 games left. We've got seven at home starting Friday. I'd like to just get it done this homestand. No doubt. Seven at home. Cincy in town for three. Cubbies in town for four. How about that? Fun homestand. It's going to be great. And then off to San Fran, right? Off to San Fran, first weekend of October. I love it. Yeah. I would like to go up there with three games, so go up there somehow. Four-game lead. Four-game lead and just throw your heels up. We'll go if you want us to go. Yeah, if you want to take us to San Francisco. Twist our arm. Who did you bring with you today? I brought the lovely Loxie and Aaron from our pod squad. You might recognize these ladies from running around the ballpark getting the crowd pumped up at all of our games. That's right. It's a fun job, right? Isn't that great? You don't have to tip us. No, not at all. You do not. You guys do not accept tips. No, no. So, yeah, these are the gals that are out there shooting T-shirts and all kinds of stuff out into the audience and stuff, right?

1:58:43That's pretty cool. Yeah, they do a lot of charity work for us. They do a lot of help us out with a lot of the promotions that we'll have going on at the homestand. So kind of a Jack and Jill's of all trades, I guess, is a good way to describe them. If a game's at 7.05, what time do you guys have to be at Petco? Five. Five? Mm-hmm. It's not bad. Usually two hours before. What do you do between then and game time? Anything and everything. Yeah. Yeah, we just get ready for the game, and we do all the... pregame ceremonies. So we kind of get everything facilitated for that and make sure everybody who's involved in pregame is there on time and everything's run smoothly. It's a cool job, too, because you just get to be down there on the field. Yeah, it's the best job in town. It's cool. It really is. It's pretty cool. Did you guys happen to get a fax from the mayor's office? Did not. This week. I don't know. Maybe we did, and we just don't know where the fax machine is. Probably. We don't even know how to send fax. The mayor held a press conference, and his office held a press conference on, I guess it was, what was it, on Wednesday, and declared.

1:59:47the 24th through the 30th, this last homestand, Friday through Wednesday, as San Diego Padres week. That's awesome. Getting all the fans pumped up to come out, this last homestand, support the team. SD Pride, Civic Pride, get out there and support. It's more than a Padres thing. It's a San Diego thing. We've got our team right there on the cusp of getting to the postseason. I've been talking about it for weeks, man. Now is the time. You guys have been some of our biggest supporters all year, and we appreciate it very much. So what do we have in terms of what's the next promotion that's coming up? What are you guys doing? Sure. So there's a lot going on this homestand, so we'll try to get through with just some of the highlights. But if you guys go to Padres.com, any of the listeners have a full layout there. But a lot of stuff, obviously. seven games. First Friday night, we have three big events going on all Friday night when the Reds come into town. The first one, you guys might remember, we did a big beer fest back in April. Well, we're bringing it back, back by popular demand, and now it's going to be Oktoberfest, obviously, with the timing.

2:00:45We've doubled, I think, the number of breweries that will be out there. We're going to have like 25 breweries out there at the Park in the Park. Get started. Gates open at 4.30. First pour is going to be at 5. So just encourage people to get down there, get there early, buy their drink tickets that we'll have available down there for people just to get people through the lines quicker. Great feedback from fans on the last one. So that's one thing. And then we also have college night, which is huge for us. Last two college nights we did, we had over 2,000 college kids up in this section together. Really? Pretty fun. Pretty fun. I found myself hanging out up there. I'm sure you did. And just watching and checking it out. It was pretty cool. Hey, honey, I'm going to need to go that night. I have to. It's work. I'll go. So college students can get tickets for $8.50 that night in the college section, which is half price. Just come on down, show their college student ID at the window. Where'd you guys go to school? I went to the University of Oregon. The Ducks. What about you guys? I went to California College. There you go. And SDSU. There you go. We've got some locals. So the last thing on Friday, Erin is modeling here, is our Star Wars night. I saw that when she walked in. It's awesome. So all of our Star Wars friends out there, there's a number of ways to get involved, but anybody coming to the game, our first 30,000 fans are going to get a really cool team, Padres team photo that's all decked out with Star Wars stuff all over it.

2:02:07On top of that, you can buy a $25 ticket and sit in the Star Wars section. Killer. So Lucasfilms is bringing down a bunch of their characters, stuff going on. We're going to have like three sections dedicated to Star Wars that night. There's also a $100 package that people can buy to sleep on the field after the game. That's incredible. And we're going to have the characters roaming around, and they're going to be putting Empire Strikes Back up on the big screen at Petco. Sleepover. Sleepover. You look up on the Jumbo Chon, you see Darth Vader. So that's all Friday. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. And that brings us to Saturday, our nationally televised game. And that's at 110. So first, 25,000 fans get... It's the 2011 calendar, which also has our 2011 game schedule. Oh, nice butt shots in there. Yeah, pictures from 2010. Lauren. And then also, it's the debut of our Stand Up to Cancer going up on the outfield walls, which is going to be great. And then so after the game, you can go walk around and see those.

2:03:14Signings. Yeah. If you've never gotten to walk on Petco, it's incredible. I got to take some grounders out there. Can't wait for next year. That's awesome. Had a hurt hand. You did pretty well. Next year is going to be a lot better. You did really good. I did. I was cheering you on. Thank you. Of course, Mike, we need any more things going on at the ballpark on Sunday to close out the weekend. The first 10,000 kids in the gate on Sunday get our own Padres Slinky. Oh, I love it. Love Slinky. The woods is playing with us over here. It's going to keep him busy for the rest of the day. There you go. He'll chew it up. So we'll be giving these out on Sunday, Junior Padres Day, of course, and then we close out the rest of the homestand with... The Cubbies. Holy cow. Chicago in town for four, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night, and then the final throwback Thursday, the really cool 3.30 start times on Thursday the 30th. Let's go. Let's do it. 3.30, you can do that. So we brought a couple tickets for you guys, for your listeners too. Awesome. You guys got you hooked up to take care of some people this week.

2:04:14That sounds great, dude. All the way in. Well, thank you. Get out there. A little bit going on. Support those Padres, man. We are right freaking there. Yep. It's going to start soon. Love it. Thank you guys for coming in. We appreciate it. Thanks for having us. Thank you very much. It's a pod squad, and it's really cool. Coming up at 9 a.m., Matt Serra will be on the air from the UFC. Thank you guys so much for coming in. It's good to see you guys. Matt Serra is going to be fighting very soon in UFC, I think, 109. Get you the information on that in a minute. Hey, thank you, dude. Thank you. Appreciate it. Oh, gosh. So we'll have that coming up. Oksana Gregorieva. It's a chick that said that Mel Gibson, you heard all the tapes from Mel Gibson. That was who was playing them. Well, her attorney went on the Today Show yesterday and said, eh, not so fast.

2:05:08It wasn't necessarily Oxana playing those tapes. Is she responsible for either selling those conversations to Radar Online or handing them over, leaking them to Radar Online? No, absolutely not. In fact, you know, those are worth probably a million dollars to whoever leaked them. And she is broke. So... It just did not happen. She would not do it. Or she put it in a Swiss bank account. In fact, the evidence will show we will eventually be able to bring forth proof that she tried to hold back any publicity that would hurt Mel Gibson because a battered woman will both protect the accuser. Even as she's being abused. But who else would have access to that kind of material, to private phone conversation? Let's ask Oksana. Oksana, who would have access to that? I told you that maybe, Mike, you come in my house with a microphone. I told you I didn't do that. I don't even know where Mel Gibson lives. I'm just a DJ on the radio. You pay attention to the TMZ and... I do, but... Perez Hilton. Cool. Perez Hilton, but let me tell you something.

2:06:16Just because I know Perez Hilton and just because I know TMZ does not mean... Yeah, cool, cool. Does not mean that I am the person that got into your house. I don't know. I'm broke. You don't know anything. I'm broke. I don't like Swiss cheese. You're just saying words. You don't even know what you're saying. You're saying words. You can't just say words that you've learned. You can't just accuse people of anything you want. I'm asking you how you accuse me of coming into Mel Gibson's house and bugging it. It's the same as me doing the same thing. It's not. One is me, one is you. Why is it not different? Why is it not different? You're accusing me of perfectly... But you accuse me first, so I accuse you back. In my country, this is what we call fair. Fair? That is unfair in our country. Well, many, many people had access, and we have very strong suspicions as to where they were leaked from. It is. Do we? Yeah, I don't think we have any suspicions where it was leaked from. It sounds to me like there was one person that could have taped him. And turned him in. And turned him in. Her. There's nobody else really that could have done it.

2:07:28That's it. Maybe there was like a little leprechaun in the house. A little leprechaun? Jumped in there and did it? Yeah. It seems weird to me. What are some weird things we do? What? Weird things that we do. I have to touch a plane when I fly. Like today I'm flying, I'll have to touch the plane. Why? I just do. It's like good luck or I don't know. I feel like if I touch it, it won't crash. I don't know. If you don't touch it, would you skeeve out the whole trip? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that before. I've never not. touch the plane. Ever. Ever. You touch the outside of it? Yep. When I'm walking in, first thing, I give a little slap. A little tap. Yep. Like, come on, big girl. You're Megan. I have... Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, I have to, like, before I go to bed, I have to have, like, all the pillows on my couches and stuff, like, in order and presentable and everything, like, squared back off. Yeah. That's weird. I actually don't want to say my weird one, but it's very weird. What? When people are kissing on screen,

2:08:30I kind of make a kissy face. Oh, boy. That's real weird. That's fantastic. Jay will write some of those spots that we do with the characters on the show. And whenever he writes them, when they're playing, I watch him, he moves his mouth to say the words that he wrote. Apparently I'm very oral. Tattoo will be like, hey, come to my tattoo shop. Or whatever. My tattoo shop. 570-1949. I want to know, what do you do that's weird? It's in Crooked Vulture Zone. So good, man. Trade up for charity price went up. What are we up to now, Jay? We're at $2,000. What? That sends such a better ring to it, doesn't it? Justin is hooking it up. Of course. Just in case. Just in case. Well, listen, when you think about it, it's worth $4,000 just in the hotel. And then when you add in the price of the portrait and all that stuff that Jared's throwing in.

2:10:40From createyourdesignonline.com, it's even more. Woods has my Lady Gaga sunglasses on. There's zebra stripes. He's just trying to get Mikey going. That's right. Okay. Ouch. My gut. How's your gut? It's not good. Perfect. It's just that I'm not on pain pills anymore, and so it really feels great. Having some Advil. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm taking. It's real strong. Yeah, it's strong. Take like nine. M1 Scotty from Scripps Ranch. Thank you. Hey, what do you think, man? What do you do that's weird? Guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. And I love you. You're back. And I also wish you a little young. Good luck, man. Did you do the plane slap? Oh, yeah. And when the plane is cold? Yeah. Really? Anyhow. I don't know why. Me neither. Mm-hmm. That's good. Yeah.

2:11:50I get a Starbucks seam on the cup. Yeah. And there's a seam on the sleeve. Yep. Those have to be lined up. Line them up. I do it, too. You do? Yeah. The sippy part has to be opposite. Oh, I don't know. Oh, wow. I can picture it in my mind's eye, what it looks like. You got to have that opposite of the seam. Yep. Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you, too, dude. Thank you, Scotty. You got it. M1, is it Louis? How's it going? I like your show. Good, dude. What do you do that's weird? I go to people's houses and organize their sinks. You organize the dishes in their sink? Wow. Do they know or do you do it on the sly? I do it, yeah. You're not like a bandit or anything, are you? You're just like if you get invited there, you do it. The dish bandit? He's the clean dish bandit. Exactly. At my parents' house, my sister's house, I go to their houses. Look at you. That's nuts.

2:12:55bachelor pad sometimes, I'll do their dishes because it drives me nuts. You will? Like a young black bachelor's pad. Wow. I bet she does. Sometimes. Oh, wow. I really set myself up for that one. Well, it's not like something I plan out. It's just sometimes I see it sitting there and I'm like, gotta clean. What's that? That she likes black. I think it's a fake bed. I knew it was fake. Any girl that's, you know, four months ago said, hey, I'm going to get a black guy and still hasn't gotten a black guy. That's right, here I am. It's a fake bitch. Well, we do live in San Diego, so it's not like I have my pick of the litter. I'm practicing myself to you. A self-actual. What do I have to hit here? Maybe try to sing, like, some Barry White or, like, some Marvin Gaye, maybe. We've been together.

2:14:01Oh, wow. Oh, that hurts my ears. Sorry, no offense, LaVar. Okay. I still have standards, you know. Oh, wow. Remember I told you? That is close to the work for me. That's true. How do you like your ears? Scrambled. I say I'm for that. Just kidding. Just kidding. It's just a joke. It's not funny. It's gross. So weird. He's a weird dude. Guess who we have on the line? Who's that? We have Matt Sarah on the line. How are you, Matt? I'm doing great, man. It sounds like you guys are having a party. Every day, pal. Every day, dude. How are you, Matt? I'm freaking awesome. I'm doing great, man. How are you guys? We're doing good. It's Matt.

2:15:12The Terra Sarah. I love it. I'm going right to a press conference, man, and I'm talking to you guys, though. How great is that? That's the greatest accent I've ever heard. Yeah, where are you from? Where are you from? I'm from Long Island, New York. That's right. Yankees or Mets? Yeah, that's where I'm from. Yeah, Yankees or Mets? You know what? That's too bad. Really? I love it. And then I remind them that I fight in a freaking cage. Yeah, you're way manlier than any football or baseball player. Matt, I ain't telling you that it ain't manly, dude. I'm not telling you that. I'm not saying anything. I appreciate that. So you got a big fight coming up, dude. First of all, this is going to be huge, dude. You're taking on Chris Lytle again. Yeah, Chris Lytle's a tough, tough guy, man. He's tough as hell. Yeah, and well, last time you beat him.

2:16:25Yeah, you know, I'm glad you brought that up. That's great for my ego. I did beat him. Yeah, you did. It was a very close fight. And since then, he's been on a tear. I won the title since then. I lost the title since then. I had a fight of the night, knockout of the night, my last fight. So we're both coming to bring some excitement. You know what I mean? Is he running any mouth? Is he running mouth on you? You know what? There's no odd thing about it. The last two guys I fought. Yeah. Oh, really? So, okay. Well, then you're going to go in there and you're going to do your thing out of the ring. You guys are friends in the ring. You take it to them. Yeah. We may have lost him. Damn it. No. We may have lost him. Yeah, we did. I love him. He's great. Numb skulls. That's what my uncle says. How great is that? Numb skulls. How great is that? That's Sarah. He's fantastic. Sarah, it's so, I love the New York accent, man. It is the greatest. It's pretty awesome. Going to, went to a couple Yankee games, more than a couple, but when I was of age, I would go to the bar before. Uh-huh. And, uh.

2:17:41He's got you to see you, and they'd be like, how you doing, man? Where you from? I'm like, I'm from Dallas. Like, Dallas? Freaking Dallas, what are you doing here? Yeah, get a shot. Get him a shot. He's from Texas. I had the greatest. I was like, I'm moving here. I'm moving here. These guys are the best. They were showing, last night I was watching this show where they were doing this challenge where they had to sell food, so they went to Yankee Stadium, outside of Yankee Stadium, and there's some bar right across the street from Yankee Stadium that's real popular. So they parked their truck there. It was that show where there are those catering trucks. This truck was called Grill Them All. They made hamburgers. Oh, nice. And they're like, you know, and they're talking to these guys and they're like, yeah, there's nothing better than coming out of a game and what you want to do. You want to drink beers and you want to have a greasy hamburger. They sold $1,000 worth of hamburgers. And their competitor was selling Vietnamese food. I'm not eating no frigging Vietnamese food. What are you kidding me? Serving up dogs and cats? What am I going to do? I'm going to eat a dog? I'm going to eat a dog. Am I an a-hole? What do I look like to you? Like I was born yesterday? People in New York love to say that. I can't say the word, but what am I an a-hole? What am I an a-hole over here? I swear, the game that I went to.

2:19:00was a Yankees-Red Sox game, and it was pouring rain, so there was a delay. I ended up sitting in the bar with these guys for like six hours to barely make it to the game. Like, hey, look at Texas. He's fading over here. Get him another bid. I spent a dollar. These guys had never met me. They put their arms around me and bought me drinks. We had a blast. It was the greatest. You guys are compadres because you're a Yankee fan. Absolutely, dude. You know the funny thing about those guys? They do it for a Sox fan, too. They don't care. They've got the rings. They don't care. Let's see. People are calling in and telling me how they're weird. M1 Santiago from San Diego. You there? How are you weird? I'm doing good. Love the show. I just saw a poster in Southeast San Diego. I've seen a few around, actually, that I fought my interest, LOB. What is it? It's called Mr. Black San Diego. What? What is it? I don't know, man. I've just seen the poster. It's this weekend. This weekend? Maybe you'd be a judge. Oh, yeah. You can't go this weekend because you said you was busy. I've been trying to take you on a date the whole time.

2:20:14I'm asking you every single hour. What are you doing this weekend? Oh, I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm going out with the girls. I assumed it was during the... This contest is probably during the day, right? You got your Mr. Black right here. Oh, my God. You got Mr. Black. It's sitting right in front of you, girl. You can enroll. You can take my shirt off. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. So you can take a little bit of something. That's real man Chi Chi. Real man Chi Chi right there. You want to touch it? No. You want to touch the Chi-Chi? Yeah. Come on now. As soon as you touch the Chi-Chi, you say that. Stop calling it the Chi-Chi. You can't call it that. You can't call it that, LeVar. Weird. What? I'm talking about how you call it the Chi-Chi. Oh, boy. You touch your girlfriend. You got to know. We're real.

2:21:20Man feel like you think that all black men are supposed to look like all cut up Wesley Snipes with heavy muscles and all that, right? No. Oh, I'm supposed to be Mr. Olympia? No. That ain't what a real man is. Okay. You take my shirt off. No, don't take it off of me. Why? Because it's inappropriate. It's a workplace. Fine. Leave it on. Oh, my gosh. You take yours off. Get out of here, Lola. Sit on the couch. I still have, you know, criteria. Just don't. She has criteria. Yeah. Just taste. What is that supposed to mean? You don't just get a pass just because you're black. Okay, I'm sorry. I got you excited. I got you upset. Long walk from the couch. I walked you all the way from the couch. I know. I didn't mean to make you stand up again. You can sit down. Sorry. Uh-oh. I'm going to throw up. No. Go eat some bologna. It's been sitting out since 5 a.m. That's right. Take it easy. 570. 194.9. We got M1 Micah from Mesa College on the line. Are you there? I am. What did you want to say? I'm black and I'll go out on a date with her and I've got great taste. What do you think about that? That is really bold.

2:22:47Chris, you went ahead and put that through? Look at Chris. Look at Chris. Our phone screen is all embarrassed. He's all embarrassed like he did something wrong. Hey, listen. Let me, you know, I'll speak for Lauren and let you know that the answer is yes. She will definitely take you up on that. Maybe send a picture and vital stats. Yeah. Let's meet the old-fashioned way, like, online. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're going to do this, you have to be a gentleman and send a picture of you weightlifting. You have to poke me on Facebook first. On Facebook. Ouch. Wow. I thought this was a TV show. The family show. That's right. On Facebook. I do have to tell you, there is one side effect. Uh-oh. I like men, too. Oh, no! No, see, I told you, man. Who knew what that was going on? Oh, man. See that, Lauren? I only like girls, man. You know, the deal with no dudes coming over here liking dudes and women. I like just one type blonde girl named Lauren. Make an L.O.B. sandwich. Aw, man.

2:24:05You're just leading me down a dead end path. Yeah. Wow. Well, that certainly got interesting. Yeah. Well, good luck with that because maybe, well, maybe we can double date. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. You can meet my wingman. I'll be your wingwoman. I'm a great wingman. All right. Well, thank you, M1 Micah. We love you. I love you too. Oh my God. But not in that way. Did that just happen? That just happened. Yeah. By the way, I like dudes too. Yeah, Micah. How am I looking now? You're looking pretty good. Yeah, I'm looking pretty good. Maybe Micah thinks I look like a man. Yeah, two black guys have asked you out in the last five minutes and one of them likes boys. Right? One of them likes girls, one of them likes boys. Which one do you want? LeVar, we should go on a date, but you got to calm down, okay? Ouch. You can't be go breathing all over everybody if we go out on a date.

2:25:11M1 Pepe Le Pew from North Park is online. Hi, Pepe Le Pew. Amazing. Hey, how's it going, you guys? It's good. It's great. Well, the kind of weird thing I do, I can't believe I'm saying it, man. When I'm driving, sometimes I like to pull my nose hair out. I do it. I do it. Doesn't that hurt? It makes my eye water. 70% of the time, it'll make me sneeze, too. That's the best. That's great. I do it all the time. Bouquets. I give a little bouquet to my wife. That's what he calls it. Yeah, once he'll pull out a whole batch. And he'll call it a bouquet. That's a derail for sure. She loves it. Especially when you get the white ones, like the white tigers. Oh, yeah. The white tigers. Yeah, it's like super rare, you know? It's like, whoa, you kind of want to save it. You kind of want to pull over and look at it. Wait, white nose hairs? Yeah, you get a white one every now and then. Yeah, white tiger. Yeah. That's why he's Pepe Le Pew. Thank you, Pepe Le Pew. We love you. I get it. Thank you, buddy.

2:26:12When I get cold, I put my both arms inside of my shirt. I've done that. Yeah. I do that all the time. When I get cold, I go... Yeah, you do. And he used to drive... My boyfriend I had a couple years ago used to drive him nuts. Yeah. He'd say, it doesn't make it any warmer if you do that. That'll mad at you. I always put my... And this isn't dirty. I always put my hands in my crotch to get warm. Me too. Me too. I think guys do that. Would you always put your hands in Mikey's crotch to get warm? Yes. That is so weird. I jostle the boys. That's why I do it. Oh, yeah. It keeps me warm. I like to jostle the boys. It's not sexual. I'm not doing anything weird. I just. It's a warm spot. There in your armpits are like the warmest. I won't do armpits, though. Yeah. I don't do armpits. Right before you go for a shower, do you go for the itch fest where you go just really good scratching all around down there? No. I do not. I do too. I go for a really good scratch fest. All right. Proud of you. He does, you know, what are you going to do? Yeah, it's weird. What else? I'm like, you guys ever just, you know, stab your neck with a fork? All right. Nothing? Nope, I got nothing. 570-194-9. I like to...

2:27:29I don't have a boyfriend right now, but when I do, I like to pop their zits. My back zits. Rebecca loves... Not face ones, just back ones. Or the ingrown hairs. I like to get them good. I would not want to do that to a woman. I'd be more grossed out watching him do it to himself than if I did it. You have no problems doing it, though. Only if I love him, though. Otherwise, it's disgusting. So obviously you could do it to me, Jay, or Woods. Correct. Because you love us so much. You have to be in love with them to do that, right? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Rebecca does that, and it's... It's foul. But I like when she does. She doesn't have a problem with it. When Kim and I were young in our relationship, she used to clean my ears for me real good. She'd lay me down with alcohol in a swab, and she'd clean my ears real good. Then we had kids, and I don't get my ears cleaned anymore. We're like monkeys, people. Yeah, we really are. We groom each other. We groom each other in the same monkey way. It's no different than monkeys. It's not even like we're, you know, more classy. The only thing we don't do is eat bugs off each other. And the only reason we don't is because we don't have them. But if we did, we would do that. We probably would. We were so stupid. We'd always go, I'd always go, Paige, Dr. Kim, Dr. Kim. That's pretty funny. That's brilliant.

2:28:54Let's see. M1 Daniel from downtown. You there? Yeah. What's your deal? The things I think about me is I don't like to be partially wet. Like, on like a water ride in a theme park. Oh, yeah. That's the worst. Oh, I don't like that. Why would you make a water ride in a dry park? Like, if I'm going to go to a water park, I'm cool. But I'm not going to talk around like a dry, hot park when I'm partially soaking wet. I hate that. At SeaWorld, they have the dry for $5. After you get off that ride, you can... Step in there. And I'm telling you right now, I can almost picture that guy. Oh, yeah. And that guy, the guy I'm picturing right now, he's Mexican. He's got a rat tail. Airbrush shirt. An airbrush shirt that's completely soaked in the front, and he's smiling. And he's walking in big high tops. Eating a churro. Yeah, eating a churro with big jean shorts. No, I don't get it.

2:29:52At SeaWorld, too, they have the guns. You can shoot people that are on the rides. You put quarters in and you get to shoot people. And there was a guy posted up there, like a middle-aged man with a roll of quarters, just popping it in. Just getting unsuspecting people that thought they escaped the waterfall. And you just nail them with a gun. Maybe we go to a water park soon. No. Yes. I don't want to. Jay. Yeah, I'm in. You guys. I want to go so bad. Oh, that's so awesome. Mikey. Why? Did you wear a Shaq jersey? No. We got a rash guard so he can come with us. Shaq jersey. Shaq jersey. Didn't we buy you a rash guard? Yes. Still got the tags on it? Yeah. Should have seen me and Rebecca when we went to at the hotel this last weekend and I forgot to bring a rash guard for the pool. Oh, Mike. You know you just draw more attention to yourself. Yes. Look at that clown in the rash guard. I go. I go, we have to go buy something. So we go down into the gift shop and all they've got is T-shirts. And I'm like, and I'm like picking it. No, dude, I didn't. I didn't. And so I go, and I'm wearing this gray T-shirt down there with my swim shorts. She goes, why don't you just wear that? And I'm like, I don't want to wear this. I feel dorky. So we find this thing. We find this T-shirt. I go in the dressing room.

2:31:21She comes in the dressing room. I have my shirt off. I'm like, do you think I can't do this? She goes, no. And she's right. I can't. I'm like, I got a giant scar. It looks like I got bullet holes all over my stomach. Like, look at that gangster over there. Is that Edward James Olmos over there? Hey, do you think I can wear this to the pool? Or do you think it would look to me? weird that I've got bullet holes in my stomach. I tell you, I was at the pool at Caesars in Vegas and hey, I don't have the best body to write home about. Take the shirt off? Oh yeah, just chill. After 15 kamikazes and 12 beers, you're like, whatever. This is me. I'm going to let it flow. And this gut out there. Oh wow. But you stay in the water most of the time. What'd your buddy say to the guy walking by? So mean. So mean. So mean. We were a little tanked up, and that's kind of our bit, is we just kind of make fun of people, and it's the worst. I didn't do it, of course, but this guy walked by, and he had a full, full chest of hair. And it was the hairiest chest you've ever seen. It looks like Alec Baldwin. Guy walked by, my buddy Gabe, who's ripped, ripped.

2:32:36He goes, hey, man, how you doing? The guy goes, pretty good. He goes, I like your sweater. I dove under the water. I was so embarrassed. He had beautiful hair. He did. He did. Awful. It was awful. I felt so bad, did I? Did you? Hey, buddy, I like your sweater. The guy just kept walking. I come out here and rough talk him and run him off. Movie plot, Hot Potato. Let's do it. Yeah. We need listeners, right? Yeah. 5701949. Welcome back. Want to do a little movie plot hot potato? Very much. Yeah, we'll do a little. Find the potato. Yeah. The baseball. We'll get this thing rolling. Have you seen Woods' baseball? Have you seen my baseball? Where is it? There it is. Here we go. Okay. So the way that movie plot hot potato works is that it's always Jay and Woods.

2:34:32and you guys are going to give me the plot, and I have to try to guess what the movie is. Now, whoever is left holding the hot potato at the end of 60 seconds is a loser. A loser. You're a loser. You're a loser. And they shoot each other, right? You're a loser. Okay, let's see. Did somebody get shot? M1, Brian from Mission Valley. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. How are you, Brian? How you doing? Good. Okay, so I will be playing for you, and hopefully I will win. What is it? What are you going to win today, Brian? Brian, win. A pair of tickets to go see Spoon. There you go. Spoon! Spoon. All right, you ready? Ready. Okay, you got 60 seconds, and here we go. Go ahead. Oh, okay. The Corleone family. Godfather. An alien from out of space, and all he wants to do is go back to his planet. E.T. De Niro and Pesci move out to the desert, open a casino. Collie McCauken, he's a little boy. Is that his name? Home Alone. Okay. Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow. Collie McCauken. Pirates of the Caribbean. Sandra Bullock, football player. The blind side. Thank you. Johnny Depp does a lot of cocaine. Bo.

2:35:59Owen Wilson plays. He's a racing vehicle. Little Kids Watch. Oh, Cars? Spigoli. Fast Times at Richmond High. Dan Aykroyd. Blues Brothers. No, no, no. It was a scary one with the ghost. No, you can't say that. You lose. Scary one with the ghost. You can't say that. He said the word. He said ghost? Yeah. Take a shot again. Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. Scary one with the ghost. So, hey, how about that? How about that, Brian? You won. You were supposed to get two callers on the phone. Oh, I was supposed to get two callers. One was Woods and one was Jay. Who's a big winner? I won either way. Yeah, you won. All right, just hang on the line. You're going to win here, pal. Just hang on. Just hang on. No matter the outcome. You win no matter what. Here comes a BB. Oh, that was right below the cheek. Right below the cheek. I go for the... You go for the valley every time. Split the uprights. Ow, does it hurt in there? Why don't you go to the mountains? Don't go to the valley. Does it hurt more in the valley? Oh, yeah, it hurts more, but way more sensitive. Thank God. You go for the bullseye, if you know what I'm talking about. Thank you for sparing my valley. You're welcome. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, he hit the top of the mountain for you. It bounced off into the river somewhere. You got lucky. Ouch.

2:37:27Way to go, Brian. Great job. Brian, you killed it. You held on the line. You really guessed right. Stayed nice and quiet while we played that game. Good job, Brian. How did he do it? I don't know. Well played. Amazing. You almost lost it there. Edward Norton. Edward Norton. Edward Norton was talking to Jon Stewart, and he was talking about Robert De Niro. And listen to what he said. De Niro and you have worked together many times. Is this the second movie you've been in? Second one. Does it get easier to be in his presence? Does the intimidation factor go away? Do you stop doing your Robert De Niro impression to him? At what point does that become normal? He's not intimidating. Weird. I love him, and he knows I love him, and I've said as much to him. I've said, Bob, you're so weird. When you say that to Bob De Niro, in the pause, before he returns a volley, is there fear? Is there that moment of, oh, that's the guy from Goodfellas? Yeah, no, you know, I check for the bat. No, I'm foreign to...

2:38:51I'm four inches taller than him. He's getting older. He's shrinking. He's four inches taller than him? Wow. So this is your last movie with Denier. No, no, no. Wow. They did a movie called The Score together with Brando. Oh, yeah. It's a great movie. Great movie. They're in a new movie together, and it's called Stone. Oh, and it looks unbelievably good. Only thing I have a criticism of is that they put Mila Jovovich. Why? She seems good in it. She does. The chick from that 70 show? Dazed and Confused. Dazed and Confused. Mila Jovovich. Yeah. You're thinking of Mila Kunis, who's my little angel, by the way. I wanted somebody that was of their caliber. Well, you know, she does a good job from what it looks like. Yeah. I mean. Let's see. Feast, you know? Ah, feast. 15 signs that you're just friends. He doesn't ever talk to you. Number two, he can't stand your face. Number three, he tells you to get out of his house. He gave you a fake phone number. He says, I just want to be friends. He says, I just want to be friends with you. There's some signs that you're just friends. He invites you to be his plus one at a wedding because he couldn't find a date. How would you know that, though? What dude is going to say, hey, I couldn't find a date. Would you like to be my plus one? Yeah.

2:40:17You wouldn't, would you? Sure would. No, you would just say, hey, you want to go? Yeah. I don't know. I'm married. He thinks it's hilarious when his parents ask when you two are finally going to start dating. He thinks it's funny. When your parents are like, when are you guys going to date? When are you two going to hook up? He's like, ah. Look at Lauren's face. Lauren is not buying into this. I'm thinking about it. Another sign that you're just friends, the most romantic thing he's said to you in months is, I'll be your wingman anytime you need one. Oh, boy. It's like I'm on Micah just called to be my wingman. Yep. He asks for relationship advice. It means you're just friends. Yeah, that's true. Duh. If you want to be more than that with him, but he's going, I met this girl and I want her back. She's smoking. Yeah. She's so hot. It's not code language. It's not code for I really want you, but it means I want her and I want you to know I want her so that you get off. Teach me how to get her. Yeah. So that you stop.

2:41:19Doing that thing you do that makes me uncomfortable. That thing that lets me know you like me. Don't do that anymore. When you go to the movies, he likes to keep a seat open between you so that he, quote, and you, quote, have more. You all right, Woods? Sorry. So that you, quote, have more space. That's weak, anyway. That is weak. I don't like the bro seat, even with bros. Yeah. Stupid. Nobody thinks you guys are going to start making out. Don't do the bro seat. You're a clown. What's a bro seat? Okay, but Woods. What? But if you go with a girl that likes you and you don't like her back. I'm not putting a seat between us. You don't think that if you sit next to her, you may be giving her the idea that, oh, we're going to the movie together and we're a couple. Don't go with her then. Yeah, don't go with her. That's what I say. She's your buddy. Don't do a bro seat with a guy or a girl. I've never seen a bro seat. You haven't? You haven't. I've never been a part of one. Two dudes in a movie theater sitting a seat apart talking across a seat. Hey, man, this movie's going to be great. Is it clown? Hard to share candy like that. Go sit by your boy. Don't be an idiot. You know how else you know you're just friends, whether you're a guy or a girl? It's the person who asks you to edit their online dating profile. Yeah. Take a look. You know me better than anybody. Can you look at this and tell me what I should do? They typically call you by your last name. O'Brien. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. O'Brien. Yeah. Obes. Obes. What's up, O'Brien? That means no. Nope. Yeah. Let's see.

2:42:44When you wear a low-cut shirt and he doesn't even ask, he doesn't even take a peek at the cleave. He's a homosexual. Yeah, it means he's blind. 15 times you're a homosexual. Yeah, this could be 15 times you're gay. He introduces you as his sister from another mister. Oh, boy. He should be just beat up for saying that anyway. He doesn't have any problem taking a doo-doo at your house. Now that is number one. That's a telltale. Telltale sign. That's number two, Woods. Big dummy. Big dummy. He asked you to set him up with one of your girlfriends. Yep. Yeah. He wants her, not you. Duh. It's not a test, ladies. It's a test? It's not a test. It's not a test. Yeah. How about when I was- Trump while he's taking a deuce at your house. He asks you, set me up with one of your girlfriends. Set me up with that girl, Anne. Or your obese Mikey. You have a big crush on this girl Stephanie that goes to SDSU. And you go see The Lion King with her. Because you just want to go to a movie with her. She asks you to come over to her house. You do. It's on campus. You do. And she opens up her photo album and shows you a picture of her gigantically chubby friend. And says, I think you guys would be perfect together. And you were offended by that. Oh. I'm like, really? If I look like Brad Pitt.

2:44:09Would you be trying to set me up with that girl? She's gorgeous. What are you talking about? What am I talking about? She's gorgeous. She's got a beautiful personality. She's got a gorgeous face. Listen, I know your lines before you even say them. She's got a gorgeous face. She's so funny. You really like her? That's what she was saying about you. He's so funny. He's so funny. And her fat friend is like, can you just show me him? Because he's fat. Really? He didn't step me up with Mike because he's so fat? The only reason he wanted to step me up with him is because he's fat? Why didn't you try to step me up with Brad? He was hot. No, you didn't step me up with Brad, would you? Brad would never sleep with you. You know that. You know that. Oh, my stomach. No, you got to step me up with this big, fat Mike. Oh, really? Am I your charity case?

2:45:26I just want you to be happy. Yeah, you do! If you want me to be happy, set me up with your friend Steve, who's the Sigma Chi. He would never touch you, trust me. Yeah, you're right! So you set me up with OB Smikey! He introduces you to his hottest friend and doesn't even warn you that the guy is a player. He checks out other girls in your presence all the time. Okay, that's... Even your husband will do that. Fair enough. That's Mrs. Woods. He names a dog after you. And finally... Wow. Wow. This next one's great. This is the last one. He detects...

2:46:24Oh, gosh. He tags himself in a picture of you guys posted together on Facebook, and he says, I don't want other chicks to think we're together. That's dynamite. You think that's a sign? He's like, hey, untag me. I don't want chicks to think we're dating. Untag me. Oh, my gosh. What if someone thinks we're together? You know what? Though there are girls. that we'll hear him do that and be like, oh, I get it. He's playing hard to get. He's not playing hard to get. He doesn't want you. Sorry, there's someone out there that does. That's funny. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you just the way you are. I love you just the way you are. Will you love me? No. Give me a shot.

2:47:23Try. Please. Take off your mask. It is in the mask. Take off your fat suit. Take off your fat suit. I was just going to say that. I'm not wearing a fat suit. Take off that sumo suit that you got at Party City. I got sumo suit from Party City. Oh, gosh. Stop. Stop. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Vampire Weekend. The debut album. Got a good topic for you. Is there stuff you did as a kid you wish you could still do now? Absolutely. 570-1949. Very British band. Supertrap? That's quite British. Supertrap. That's right. Take the long way home.

2:48:53I've been working on my British accent. Is it a little better than it used to be? That's very Cockney. Is it Cockney? It's very Cockney. It brings them no class. That's fine. At least I tip people at the hotel. No, and then you steal the coat off their back, don't you? That was all a made-up story, by the way. Was it really? I never did that. Was it really? Yes, you did. I never did that. You're only saying that because you got a text message. From someone saying that the woman was probably fired for what you did. Probably, probably. I feel terrible. Do you? Terrible. Yeah, I got a text. It spun me out. Oh, no. Yeah, it did. And one night, Scream said her boyfriend, I think, works at a hotel. And they said, oh, absolutely. They'll have to pay for that. Great. I'm a piece of ass. Sorry. Oh, no. Sorry. Mail it back. Be like, look what I found in my suitcase. Seriously, I guess I'm going to now. I'm a big turd. Yeah. I don't like to be made to feel bad. I got a question. What? When you go to the zoo, is it okay to eat the zebras? It is okay. If you're hungry. Every time, man. Every time. Hungry? Hungry. That's right. If you're hungry. I'm hungry. I'm starving. I thought the Wild Animal Park was a buffet. Ew. That's gross. Is it gross, man? That's gross. I'm so sorry. NLP, where we go, girl? Remember we said... What's the matter, girl? Wow.

2:50:22all 750 pounds of me saying to you, there she is. Hey you. Hey you. I bet you never have any sort of like white crusties in the corner of your mouth when you wake up, do you? It's like puddles of rain, girl. Looks like a piece of bread. Yeah, looks like a big piece of Wonder Bread sitting on the side of my mouth. Oh boy. It's like he's got a whole chicken stuck between his teeth. I actually do have a whole chicken stuck between my teeth. Demon. Somebody said it sounds like Optimus Prime. I don't know what that is. You like girls. What is Optimus Prime? Transformers. He's a robot in disguise. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Greetings. Greetings, pal. Transformers were toys. That's right, man. You sound like John Coffey to me. Yeah, you do. No, you sound like Mr. Coffey. Come on, go on a date with me. It's Optimus, and I said I would, okay? You did not say you were. Where are we going? We going to Coco's? Mama, go get some Marie. We'll get it as long as you don't mind if I get audio. We don't get it, wuzz. Oh, boy. I believe it. Close that deal, pal. Dry streak. Is there anything that you wish that you could do that you did when you were a kid? Ding-dong ditch. Ding-dong ditch. Yes. Ring the doorbell and run. Absolutely. The ring and run. Yep.

2:51:55Ding, dong, ditch. So much fun. Too exhilarating for me. Too much? Yeah. You never did it? Scared me. Yeah, I did it, but I was terrified. I was going to get caught. See, we used to do this thing, the cable box in our like... whatever the regional area is, was called Sprucer. That was the brand of it. So we used to do Sprucer tag because everyone in the neighborhood had the same cable box. So you'd take your remote from your house and you could change people's channels. Oh, that's hysterical. Oh, yeah. You'd go through the back window. That's funny, man. And then we'd get so mad and we'd be like, yeah! That's brilliant. That is. That's Revenge of the Nerds type stuff. That's fun. That's great. It was so fun. I would love to do that to Mikey. I would love to do that to Mikey. I'd flip out. That would be the greatest. Now everybody's got their own personal, like, you know, programmed remote. Oh, that'd be great. Hurt sadness. So, this one guy, oh, Mr. Preston, he used to get so mad. Mr. Preston used to get mad? I'd do it, like, with his kids, too. We'd be like. Duh. What about toilet papering? Oh, TP in the house.

2:52:59I did it, but I was terrified. It's terrifying. We would always do the thing where we'd stand, and you probably think I'm crazy, but we'd stand on each side of the road, one guy on one side of the road, one guy on the other, and we'd act like we were holding a rope, so the cars would come down the road. That's awesome. And we were pulling it really tight, and they'd start like, what are you doing? You're going to get killed. I'm like, really? You're going to get killed with an imaginary rope? And they thought they couldn't see the rope. They thought that it was something real thin. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's great. That's hysterical. All that stuff that I used to do as a kid scared me. I did it. I took part in it because I wanted to feel like I was part of the kids. But I was afraid. I didn't like... Everybody was. I didn't like taking my bike over a ramp. I did it. Oh, I did. Did it? I loved it. We used to have a little bike club, and we used to, there was a tie, you know what a tie wall is? Mm-hmm. We used to have, it was like a, seriously, a five-foot tie wall, and to get in the club, you had to haul ass down my driveway and jump off the tie wall into the neighbor's backyard. Oh, wow. Five feet. And, I mean, you wiped out every time, but to get in the club, you had to do it. And kids would do it? Every day. And got hurt all the time. Kids are so resilient. They're like, I don't care if I get hurt, I'll just get up. Yep.

2:54:01I got like eight stitches in my chin doing that, going off jumps. Yeah. Did you do anything wild, Hillary, when you were a kid? Were you playing around? Oh, man, that's a dirty laugh. What did he say? He said it's a dirty laugh. He's weird. He's creepy. He's weird. Yeah, he's weird. Well, he's like, you know, it's like you have guests over and your German Shepherd pees in the living room, and you're like, I'm so sorry. That only happened one time, Mikey. It's one time. It's one time. We used to torture the bus driver. Oh, we did too. How did you do that? Waterboard. You waterboarded. He, poor guy. He was like this skinny, super thick glasses, super nerdy, redheaded guy. And so we called him Red. And what we would do, my girlfriend Kelly and I, who just moved to Cardiff, by the way, she and I would. Always make sure we got on the bus last. And then we would walk as slowly as possible down the center of the aisle. And he had to leave. He was on a schedule. So every morning when the bus...

2:55:15you know, lurched forward, we would go flying. We'd try and smack as many people as possible. That's hysterical. I got kicked off the bus, bus pass revoked, and we'd always, we had this thing where anytime anything happened, we'd go foiled again, red. That's brilliant. Foiled again, red. Foiled again, red. Every day you had to stop at the tracks and open the door because it's the law. That's awesome. That's brilliant. Foiled again, red. Somebody's on the line for you, Woods. For me? Yeah, it's me. Oh, no. It's Captain Buzzkill. I didn't think he was going to call today. My phone still isn't working right now. Maybe you get a real phone. It's not working soon. Get out of your mom's basement. It's not my mom anymore. Oh, really? You got your own place? Yeah. What did I do? Is this about the robe? Yeah, I was listening on the radio, and I heard you say that you stole the robe from the Mondrian Hotel. Yes, I did. You did. You probably got somebody fired for that. Great. I'll mail it back. Will you? Yes, I'll mail it back. When? Tomorrow. I want proof. I want you to send it 35 mil. Or I'll pick it. Or you'll what? I'll pick it. You'll pick what? I'll put a picket sign.

2:56:43I'll put together a picket sign that says Down With Woods, and I'll carry it out in front of Booz Allen Allen. Down With Woods. Down With Woods. See what you think then. Shame on Woods. It was just a robe. It was just a robe. It was just a robe. Was it? Yes, it was. Were you listening all day, Captain Buzzkill? Yes, maybe I was listening all day. Maybe I was sitting in front of my computer, and I was listening online. Are we all good? I thought it was pretty terrible that you wore a meat suit. I thought it was pretty terrible, too. I almost threw up. Why? Meat is not meant to be... Burger. Meat is not meant to be mocked. Why did you... You eat burgers. Don't mock the meat. Don't mock the meat, Maki. I eat burgers for nutrients and fiber, and I eat it for sustenance. I don't wear it as clothing and mock it. The animals still get killed anyway. I mean, I don't wear meat suits either. Why don't you lighten up? Is that a comment about my weight? Yes, it is. I'm not overweight anymore. Anymore? Since Monday? There you go. There you go. Wow. So you had enough of you. I guess so. So you did. Hell, what do you got coming up today?

2:58:09Oh, God. I can't look at you. I know. Somebody texted us and said that they were laughing so hard today that they peed their pants. They peed a little. Foiled again, Red. Foiled again, Red. Foiled again. Red. Foiled again. I'm using it all the time. I love it. That is fantastic. Fantastic. And red. Fully and red. What did I pick out? Local natives. I grabbed the dead weather, some death capricutie, hum, and bad religion, among others. There you go. Woodsy, do you want to talk about if people want to donate money to the deal that you're going to do? Yeah, the thief. He wants to speak on this charity event that he's doing this weekend. No, I'm flying back to Dallas today. There's a golf tournament that's really, really important, dear to me. It's called Holton's Drive for SIDS. And one of my best friends, my college roommate, actually lost his son, Holton.

2:59:13A few years back to SIDS, which is just a terrible, terrible disease. And so every year, this is something I've committed to. I'm going to be playing in this thing every single year. I'm flying back today with my wife and playing on Saturday. And if you want to donate, it's www.HoltonsDriveForSIDS.com. You can also find them on Facebook. That's great, dude. That's great that you're doing that. Excited. You got a big heart, Woodsy. And, okay, lovely and talented. Hillary is coming up next. We'll come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. We'll do this all over again. And my friend CB sitting in for Woodsy because he's flying out of town today. I'll call in for sure. All right, and we'll come do it tomorrow. Mikey Show's out. Late.