The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/23/11

0:19It's TGIF. It's finally Friday. Although I got to say, it feels like it came up fast. It feels like it happened fast. You can call us. 570-1949 is our number if you want to get a hold of us. And it's very easy to do so. And you can talk about anything you want. So whatever's going on in the news, you can talk to us about that. You can talk to us about whatever you want. Here's the other thing. You can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. It's very easy to do. So if you want to get a hold of us that way, you can do it that way. But we love you M1s. M1s are Mikey Show listeners. They listen exclusively to the Mikey Show. When they call in, they turn their radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss, and they make new M1s all the time. That's what an M1 is. We got so much stuff. Oh, my gosh. This is a jam-packed Friday.

1:20Jam Pack. Word of the day, weasel. So when you hear me work the word weasel into a sensitive noun 10 and your caller 9, I'll give you Arctic Monkey tickets with TV on the radio. And those are, by the way, front row seats. What? Front row seats. I've heard TV on the radio puts on the sickest live show. I've actually heard that too. What a deal. Yeah. Wow. That'll be a good show. Okay, I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 41 years old, and I have three kids. And Woods is 36 years of age. He is not wearing his normal white V today. Black V. Usually he's wearing a white V today, black V. And the V-neck t-shirt is a big player in your life, Woodsy. Definitely. L.O.B. is Lauren O'Brien. She's a comedian. She's our assistant producer. She is cold. I don't blame her. This room is cold. Yesterday I thought we got them to turn the temperature up, Jay. Yes, we did. But somehow it's now gone back to being ice cold. I don't know. I didn't look it. Let me go see how cold it is. I wonder if they gave us the ability. Did they give us the ability? No. Come on. They won't give us the ability to be able to adjust ourselves.

2:42Because we would probably turn it up to like 85. Well, we wouldn't, though. That's the thing, you know. Huh? 72 in here. That must be the setting. It's four degrees in here. I have to now wear jeans every day, which I don't want to at all. Yeah. And a sweatshirt every day. It ain't 72. No. No. It's much chillier. 62. Yeah. Let's see. And our phone screen. Oh, Jay is our producer. He's 48. And our phone screen is Chris. It's crap. That's crap. So the big thing that I think a lot of people want to know about is the Chargers. Do we get to see the Chargers on television, Woods? That is a great question, Mike. And the answer right now is no, you do not. You will not. The answer right now. Right now. However. However, there is a but in here. The Chargers have received a 24-hour extension. This was yesterday. So we've got until 1 o'clock today. To sell. To sell, 39.

3:42100 tickets. Okay. It's doable. And a lot of times this is what will happen. A lot of times we'll get close and the city will go, all right, we'll get the rest of them. Right. So hopefully we buy the tickets. Again, please do as I say, not as I do. I'm not going. I'm not going. But I hope you go. Well, I'm going to tell you, if you want tickets, I'm going to make it real easy for you. You go to chargers.com. Uh-huh. Or you can even go to Gate C at Qualcomm and buy tickets there. If you're driving around, you're in there, and you're like, you know what? I want to go to a Charger game. Help out my community. Help out Mikey. Help out Woods. LOB. Those of us that want to watch the game in the comfort of our own home. Yeah. Stop by Qualcomm. Pick up a ticket. Gate C. It's very easy for you to do. It's so easy. Just go online. Yeah, yeah. Do it online. Chargers.com. Just make it happen. I don't want to miss it. I want to see this. It's a division game. It's a division game against the Chiefs. It's at 105 on Sunday. There's no reason we shouldn't be watching our team play football on Sunday. If we had a brand new stadium, I don't believe this would be an issue. You still wouldn't go. I wouldn't. I would go if it's a new stadium. I'll tell you what I would do, though. I'll tell you what I would do. I would go to one and maybe more games. Right now, it's a...

4:59absolute, positively, absolutely no, I'm not going. I mean, I'm not. There's no way. But if there was a new stadium, I know I'd go for sure. Every season, I know I'd go to a game, and I might go to more than one. Wow. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. If the Padres still played at Qualcomm, I wouldn't have been seeing the Padres play baseball every year, and I have. Yeah, funny they do about the same numbers they were doing before. Padres. Well, let me tell you this about the Padres. The Padres there, and by the way, they're two completely different animals because of the popularity of the NFL. NFL is just sick in popularity. I mean, it is gigantically the biggest sport in America. I finally conceded. Yeah, I mean. I finally realized. Well, they call baseball America's pastime, and baseball is a beloved sport. It just isn't as popular as football is. Nope. And here's the thing. We were told that if we built that stadium, they'd win games, and they haven't. They haven't put the product on the field that they promised, and it just doesn't happen. Well, they've traded away every superstar. I mean, the reason that you go to the ballpark, you know, a little kid wants to go to Petco to see Gonzalez play first base and hit home run. They want to see Jake Peavy. Now they have one superstar left, and it's Heath Bell. And you only get to see Heath Bell.

6:25if they're winning in the ninth inning. So it's a big if with the team that they've put on the field this year, but still one of the best ballparks in the country. Listen, I don't blame the fans, by the way. I think about it, and I say to myself, okay, if I go to this game, what they've been doing is losing. And so if I go to this game, there's a fairly good chance that I'm going to get to experience that live. And we don't like feeling that way. We don't like paying for a sour experience that's going to leave us feeling empty. And that's what you feel like when your favorite team doesn't win. You feel kind of dour. And people don't like to pay for that feeling. However, they will absolutely pay to feel good. That's just the nature of human beings. You know, a stadium does that too. Even if the team doesn't win, a stadium makes you feel good. It's all shiny. It's new.

7:26If you get a brand new car and you get in and it smells like a brand new car and you smell that new carpet and that new leather and all that stuff, it's a nice feeling. Real good. Yeah. It's pretty. You like looking at it. It's different than getting into an old beater. It's just different. Qualcomm's an old beater and the Chargers disappoint. This morning I was getting coffee. I was pouring some cream in the coffee and I thought to myself, I wonder what people... I wonder what people think about the Chargers right now in history. Because if they don't make the playoffs, or if they do make the playoffs and don't go to the Super Bowl, have we conceded the fact that nothing is going to change? Because what we've experienced year after year is a great football team that loses in the playoffs or doesn't make it to the playoffs. starts slow, then starts to win, maybe limps into the playoffs, and then doesn't win. Yet, when you look at the team, it's not like a junky bunch of players. It's badass superstars. Superstars. Who, by the way, are getting older and the window is small. And to be able to put together a group of guys that are really talented at all those different positions, it's hard to do. Very.

8:55It's really hard to do. It's like, A, it's kind of like the lottery. It's kind of like hitting the lottery. A lot of it has to do with luck because you picked really good players that panned out. We did, but we don't win. They remind me a lot of the Dallas Mavericks. They have a couple of really good players, and the window, like you said, keeps getting smaller and smaller. Now, they were able to go in last year and beat the Lakers and beat the Heat, and they won their championship. So they're good. I mean, they are satiated for a while. Oh, man. If we won a Super Bowl, we'd be satiated for a while. Absolutely. They'd get a stadium then. And it'd be the first championship, by the way, that this city's ever had. We've never had a championship in any sport. Never. We've been there. We went to the dance in 1994, and we lost it. Got smoked. Got smoked by the 49ers. Went to the World Series in 1998. Got smoked. Got smoked. So what are you going to do? Well, they've got the talent. You know, they've got the talent. Unfortunately, if people can't watch them, if people aren't going to the games, I mean, that just makes it very tough to argue for anything. You know, if you're not filling out the stadium for Game 3 of the year, it's tough, man. Last thing on the Chargers, okay? If you think about the Dallas Cowboys' billion-dollar stadium and you ask yourself, well, I live in Dallas. What's in it for me?

10:19to go to the stadium to watch the game if I can be in my comfortable recliner at home watching the game in high definition with instant replays? Well, the answer is you can do that there because they've got the biggest high definition screen in the world. It stretches from the 20-yard line to the 20-yard line and it's beautiful. The other thing about it is you can go to the bar inside of the Cowboys stadium And you can have a drink. And when the game begins, the players are going to run out right through the bar. Wow. Really? Yeah. At one point, what they do is they put these ropes up to separate and make way. And you're sitting there in the bar. And all of a sudden, the players come down in their helmets. You see them standing there. And you're having a drink. And you look over. And there's freaking Tony Romo. DeMarcus Ware. DeMarcus Ware. Yeah. Getting themselves jacked up. It's rad. And then they say, ladies and gentlemen, the Dallas Cowboy. And they run right through that bar where you are. It's incredible. It's in. How crowded is that bar? It's packed. But I'll tell you what. Like I said, I've stood on the field at that place. And I looked up and went, this is the eighth wonder of the world. It's unbelievable. Every new stadium.

11:40is a mansion you're invited to. That's what it is. You're at P. Diddy's house. Yeah. You get to go to Cribs. Yeah. It's the sports version of Cribs. And if the city doesn't realize that, I think it's foolish. It's foolish. And going to Qualcomm right now is like going to your Uncle John's house who lives in a house in Mission Valley that was built in 1972. And by the way, he hasn't done a lot. Uncle John, he doesn't do much to the house. You know, when you go over there, you're like, gosh, darn, man. It's falling apart. Gosh, darn it, man. Uncle John, do something to this place. And Uncle John's like, hey, I added an extra room about 10 years ago. I did that so that company would want to come over. And I'm like, yeah, but they only came over once and they thought it was such a piece of crap. They never want to come back again. They said they'll never come back again.

12:37Because the place was such a... Your house, dude. I have nothing to compare it to because the Astrodome, when I was there, when we go to games at the Astrodome, that place was a dump. Yeah, but that was built in the 60s. Yeah, and guess what? It's not there. They don't play in the Astrodome in Houston anymore. They play in Reliant Stadium, which is a mansion. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. And people go, man. That's the bottom line. People go. I've never experienced the blackout thing. Ever in my life. I mean, I grew up in Dallas and I went to college in Chicago. I still think a lot of it's just San Diego. Yeah. San Diego just does not care. I have never experienced the feeling of waking up going, sure hope my hometown team is on today. Never. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. When I had season tickets to the Padres in 2004 and they were doing good and they were in the playoffs, I went to the Cardinals playoffs game and I had season tickets. It's packed. Yeah, yeah. If they win, they go to Petco. Yeah. You just don't want to go feel like a turd. Yep. That's it. Today, 1 o'clock is the deadline. Buy tickets, please. Buy tickets, please. Facebook, if you haven't noticed, it's changing. I know. Nobody likes change. Nobody likes change. And Mark Zuckerberg, you did this thing and you were telling people how things are going to be different. That's correct. And you're just trying to make it better.

13:59I'm trying to make it rule the world, and I feel that we are three-fifths of the way there. Yeah, I will like that statement, what you just said. I'll like that. Well, I'll one-up you, Mike, because you're going to be able to do super likes and loves and things like that. Likes and loves. Yes. All right, cool. Well, here's what Facebook is saying that they're changing. Check this out, beloved. And the way they do everything. It's Mark. Are you expecting there to be... There's no talking? No, it's just... Oh, I thought there was talking. That's what I thought I got. Why do you want this song? It just shows the pictures. I saw this thing that goes... It's a video. It says how Facebook is changing. Oh, my God. So I'm like, oh, cool. It just shows the pictures. It shows the timeline. It's really cool. I said to Jay, I go, hey, man, can you load this? I didn't realize it was just music.

15:18It is cool, though. They take the time you've been on Facebook, and it shows the progression. It puts a video, I think, together. I was going to ask you, how does this work? Because it's insane. I don't know. I thought it was going to explain it there. It doesn't. Does anyone know? I have no idea. All I know is I'm not as upset with the changes as everybody else is. I'm kind of on board with them. I kind of like them. Here's what it says. Say goodbye to your Facebook profile. At least it's designed. In the coming weeks, your Facebook profile will become what's called a timeline that Zuckerberg says is going to allow you to express who you are and help you tell the story of your life. Sounds like MySpace. Well, it's doing this too. Well, similar but very different in that MySpace was so cluttered. And everybody got to do their own MySpace looking page that had annoyed the crap out of you. But this will be like... Too many bells and whistles and too much going on. I mean, people liked Facebook for its simplicity, which they're effectively taking away. You don't think that they'll keep it simple? Look at it. It looks simple to me. It does to me, too. I like it. It doesn't look simple to me. It looks like MySpace. Well, what they're trying to do is go from being a social networking site to more of a blog-looking site. And I think the reason that they're doing that is because they believe.

16:52that people want to tell everybody about themselves. Now, I believe that too. I think that's what Facebook is now. I believe that Facebook is that now, but in a small way. Here's all that I think our Facebook homepage is in its simplest form. Here's what I'm doing right now. It's Twitter. That's it. And they want it to be more than Twitter. They want it to be more than you go to somebody's page. And all you see is what they're doing. You go there right now. Yes, you see a current picture of them, whatever they choose to put. And there's four little boxes that go across the top of the screen that are photographs that you've selected that people can see when they go to your Facebook homepage. But other than that, there's not much there that tells me about...

17:43Steve Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Mike Esparza. Yeah, it shows you where you're from, where you live now, who you're married to. It says it at the top. Where you went to high school, where you work. There's enough. It says it at the top. You're right. And I understand what you're saying when you say it says enough. But what I would say back to it is I don't care. And I think they want you to care. I think they want the average person to go to Mike Esparza's wall and actually care. Right now I go to your wall and I'm like, all it is is her telling me what she's doing. Me too. You go to my wall. All it is is me telling you what I'm doing. Twitter does that and they do it effectively. What they want is you to experience me. I would actually go to Lauren O'Brien's webpage if I got to experience her more. And I can't. Right now I don't. I already know. She's my friend. So I already know where she went to school. I already know that. Yeah, most people keep it private. So who are you attracting? Your friends. Yes. So who are you attracting? You're trying to get your friends to know more about you? Oh, yeah. I would love. You should have a conversation. Well, L.O.B., here's what I would love. I would love to go to your page and get to see pictures of you and Matt that I haven't seen. It sounds like a giant time, like even more of a time waster. Well, they're doing this. They're putting this thing. In other words, at the top of your page, there will be a rotating banner.

19:12of a photograph of photographs that you pick that go across the whole screen and it'll be big now if i'm just telling you if i go to lob's page and i see a rotating banner and the first one is lob with matt and i haven't seen this photo and it's a picture of her and matt and what they did last weekend at yosemite right on then the next picture comes up and it's a picture lob on stage i didn't see it rad the next one is a picture of lob um This last weekend with her buddies. Right now, if you go to somebody's homepage, you don't see that. And I like more of people. I like to see people's lives. I enjoy it. You've got hundreds. Everyone has hundreds of friends. I mean. Yeah. It's like everyone. I don't go to anybody's page right now. I have no. What's the word? Desire? Yeah, but there's nothing that entices me to go. There's no motivation. There's no motivation. I have no motivation to go even to my wife's page because if I go to my wife's page, all I'm going to see is a Twitter feed. It's just, this is what I did today. This is what I did today. I would go there if I saw rotating pictures of her kids and her husband and her and blah, blah, blah. That is exciting to me. I love that. It's like everyone's getting their own personal.

20:36website now. Exactly. Yes. That's exactly what it is. It is. Which is just too much for me. See, I love it because it works for what we do. Oh man, it's great. How does it work for what we do? Because like today I'm taking people to movies, I put it on Facebook. You have a gig, you can promote it. I have a gig, I can promote it. But we do it in the same way that we do it like Twitter. Who cares? You know, because I played a gig last Friday and the pictures that have been coming through have been coming through like crazy. People have been posting them and they tag me in and then I have to approve the tag, which I love. It's a great feature because I weeded out a couple turds that I had Chaz Bono face. What do you mean had? I think it is phenomenal. I don't see what the positives are. Have you seen the little image that's going around that says, I'm appalled at the free service that I am no way obligated to use keeps making changes that mildly inconvenience me. It's true. True statement. I saw it and my thought to that. And every one of us uses it. My thought to that is, well, it was fine. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

21:42But it can be better. You don't even have to pay for it. I never even thought of that. Like, we get all riled up about it, and I think to myself, I'm not even paying a subscription to this, and I use this SOB like crazy. Well, same with all of our email accounts. I mean, we can choose to walk away from it and go to something else. We go to Google+. That's the thing. When there's competition out there, you just start messing with things. Yeah, it's free, but people also have the freedom to just walk away. They did it with Netflix. I thought Google+, was going to be something. Dude, I haven't. I have not checked that thing. I have no desire. I haven't looked one time. I am going to now. Are you? Because of what Facebook is turning into, I'm like, it's just a glorified MySpace. She's taking a stand. I say you take a hard stand, L-O-B, and quit MySpace. As soon as you put your clicker on it, you'd be like, I can't do this. I can't quit Facebook. I can't quit. You're Facebook. I can't leave you. I'm going to look into Google+. The reason that I like Facebook is because I get to keep in touch with so many people. I like it. for its simplicity of if I need to get a hold of somebody, they're all right there and I can see what they're up to. Still can. Making it like a slideshow with fireworks and like a personal website and all your apps of how many miles you ran. When she's a grandma, she's going to be the grandma that's like, you kids.

22:59You kids with your newfangled. With your rap music and your technology. Read a book. Read a book for crying out loud. On your nook. This will be L.O.B. When I was a kid, when I was young, we had Facebook. Yeah. Now you guys have this thing called Doongal Dank. Yeah. Makes me sick. I don't know how to use it. I already waste too much time on Facebook. That's not their fault. It's just another excuse for people to just sit on their fat butts and be like, oh, let's look at this. Oh, let's watch this slideshow. But we all do. What are we complaining about? I don't want to. I want it for its simplicity. I say you take a stand. I say you quit Facebook. Right now. Right now. I can't do that. Take a stand. I can't. You can't. I have too many contacts on there. You got a phone, kid. Listen, we're addicted. We love it. It's a drug. It's a drug. We are addicted. Yeah, we can't get rid of it. For sure. And we like it. I love it.

23:57I want to hear what people think. 570-1949. By the way, you can't do anything about it. It's coming. And you can't change it. You can't say, well, I ought to keep it the same for me. I love changing. Changing for everybody. Change for the better is good. Change for the stupidness is bad. You don't know. There's a satellite falling to Earth today. And it's the biggest satellite that has fallen to Earth since 1979. Wow. And they say... that they expect 26 potentially hazardous objects from the upper atmosphere to survive and reach to Earth. Now, a friend of mine suggested this, that I do this, and so we will do it. If one of us here on the Mikey Show gets hit by a piece of satellite, we'll give you a million dollars. Who, like Caller 9? I'm going to go out and get hit. Yeah, 570-1949. We'll take one caller. And if we get hit by a piece of bona fide satellite, you get $1 million. All right? But we have to be hit by a NASA-certified piece of satellite. And you have to collect it yourself. Yeah. The odds are one in trillions that we'll get hit. And live through it so that you can come collect the money. Yeah, feast. Feast. Be dead.

25:28If it's me, just give a little to my wife, Jamie, please. Oh, I will. It took him a billionth of a second to say, oh, I will. It's almost like he was thinking about it before you said it. I'll take care of her. Don't you worry about her. That's my fascination with Brad Pitt. Same as mine. Is it? Sharp guy. I see him. I'm like, dude, you're badass. Let's hang out. Oh, man. I couldn't hang out with him. I could. I'd love it. I know you could. I couldn't. I'd be sitting there being like, oh man, this is just uncomfortable. You're too good looking. This is just weird. You know how I know you're gay? How? Because you macromade yourself a pair of jean shorts. You know how many times Brad Pitt has said to himself, man, if I could just hang out with Jay. Yeah. All the time? All the time. No can do. All the time, man. Oh my God, it's better than I thought.

26:31Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Rocktoberfest returns to the streets of North Park. FM 94.9 presents Rocktoberfest. Supported by Bex. October 22nd, 30th and University. Featuring Everest. Featuring Everest. The Soft Pack. Dead Feather Moon. The Style Tones. Low Volts. And Heavy Gilt. Get tickets at FM949SD.com for 15 bucks. Lots of German food, German beer, and other stuff that Germans make that would be appropriate for a party. Rocktoberfest. For tickets and more info, log on to FM949SD.com. We've all seen how beautiful TV spokesmodels can sell just about anything in their high heels and slinky dresses, right? Well, Pacific Marine Credit Union hopes the same approach will work on radio. Okay, bring in the models. Can't wait. Wow. Wish you guys could see this. These models are almost as amazing as Pacific Marines' low auto loan rates. That's right, Howie.

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33:5578 westbound from 17th Avenue to Mission Avenue. This report brought to you by the California Lottery with the Mega Millions jackpot at 86 million bucks. You've got 86 million reasons to play. Drawings are every Tuesday and Friday Mega Millions from the California Lottery. Imagine what a buck could do. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Tell me, what did the world look like to you when you first opened your eyes? And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. The reason I've never been comfortable around kids, I'm always petrified they're going to go, you're short and fat. You don't skimp on hair products. You don't skimp on haircuts. You don't skimp on DJs, designer jeans. And you don't skimp on your teeth. Lauren. Yep, I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. Word of the day is weasel. A couple of people calling to, well, first of all, we got... M1 Jose on the line, and he's going to be our satellite millionaire if one of us gets hit by a piece of satellite. Jose, you there? Yeah, I'm right here. All right, so here's how it works, bro. Today, this satellite's fallen into Earth's atmosphere. All right. All right? Now, if a chunk of satellite hits one of us on the show, we'll give you a million bucks. All right. All right? What are you going to do with the money?

35:38I don't know. I mean, when I get paid at work, I'm like, damn, I want to quit school and just go crazy and stuff. I don't know what I'll do with a million dollars. Right on. Well, pretty awesome. Hopefully I get hit for you. Yeah, hopefully one of us takes a satellite to the head. Shard of satellite. I'll probably put up a statue or something. Oh, thank you. There you go. Hey, if one of us gets hit by a piece of satellite, dude, you win one million dollars. Congratulations. Congrats. Hang on. Do we have your information in case we get hit by a satellite? You guys don't have it yet. Okay, hang on. Hang on. Don't worry, dude. We got this thing taken care of. We're going to give it to you. We'll make sure it's all taken care of. I'm on Cam from Oceanside. Are you there? Yes, I am. Good morning. Good morning. What's your thoughts on the new Facebook? I mostly use Facebook at work, but I use the mobile app. Yeah. And those changes haven't really been affecting me so bad. But it is a good thing, though, that... The news feed is always, like, now it's separated by when something is fresh versus when something is old. Yeah. Like, on the regular Facebook, you have to sort through pages. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe you just use Facebook mobile until they change that. But I never had to sort through. I always used to get the new stuff. Now it's got weird blue boxes and people I've never seen before. I'm like, what is this? Oh, wow. The mobile app? Oh, the mobile app, yeah, but... I don't like it.

37:09I don't like the mobile app. It takes too long. It takes too long, and then you get wrinkles on your neck. The wrinkles on your neck from looking down at your phone. Thanks for the call. L.O.B. and Woodsy, you guys have the mobile app for iPhone. Yes. When you press a button on it, does it take forever? Yes, 15 minutes. What's going on with that? Forever. I don't have that problem. Not me. I got Android. Mine's easy, man. I press it, and it's a man. Real nice. Just bam. Sorry, guys, about your problem. Jay, you text me back 16 hours later. That's a true statement. It's because I don't look at my phone afterwards after work. I mean, why should I? I'm only the producer of a morning show. Why look at my phone? Listen, I'm a producer four hours a day, Mike. That's what you get. That's what I'm contracting. I'm off the clock. After that, I'm off the clock, and I'm a professional hot man. Professional climber, skater, surfer, lovemaker. Best dad. Yeah, best dad. World's best dad. Uh-huh. I come up with great bits, but you mess them up. Put the kibosh on them, as usual. No, you ruin them. Yesterday I had a great bit, if you weren't listening. It's called word association game. It's really crazy. Here's how it works. I say a word, and then the person next to me says the first thing they think of. Sounds a little bit juvenile and not very good for the radio. It's word association. How about hopscotch?

38:31It ain't hopscotch. I didn't come up with hopscotch. How about one potato, two potato? Three potato, four. Yeah, we could do that. Maybe it's like getting a mechanical bull for a radio bit. Woods wants to get a mechanical bull for Mikey-thon. That's genius. Put it to the M1s. Makes no sound whatsoever. Yes, it does. Put it to the M1s. What would be better? Word association or a freak Mikey or Jay or me or Ella B on a mechanical bull? Well, maybe we find out. Anybody got a mechanical bull out there we can borrow? Yeah, we'd love to borrow it. Now, I'm lukewarm on it only because it doesn't seem as good for the radios. It is visual. Right. It's better than word association. It is better. It's not the best radio. There's not much that's worse. Dude, Tyson Tunes might have been better. Tyson Tunes is like... lesbian dial-a-date compared to word association. Well, some people like lesbian dial-a-date. We just don't do it. Right. But, well, Jay looked perplexed by that. He was looking at the ceiling with his jaw dropped. The longing look. Oh, man. If only I could get back in time and work with Mike back in the nighttime. Oh, yeah. So good. It would have been the creepiest show known to man if you had access to that brain in there.

39:52Yeah, you know what? Stars lined up the way they did, and so I have to work with the new Mac. Jay, why'd you do finger quotes? Improved. Yes, the improved Mac. I just call him Deacon Mac. Mm-hmm. Pastor Mackey. Elder. So here is Brad Pitt on the Today Show talking about his marriage. To Jennifer Aniston. Never heard him do that.

40:58What was pieced together or put together, all I know is that my point was the best thing I've done as a father is to ensure that my kids have a good mother. Right. That's all I was or am trying to say. It has no reference to the past. Yeah, it does. You said that you were doing movies that made it seem like you had an exciting life, but you didn't have a good life personally. And that you thought your marriage had something to do with it. What do you mean it doesn't have anything to do with the past? It doesn't have anything to do with the present, bro. It has everything to do with the past. I think it's a shame that I can't say something nice about Angie without Jen being drug in. Well, you did it. You said that your marriage in the 90s, you were married to Jen Aniston. You weren't married to Angie. He said it was all pieced together, though. It's the out of context bit is what he's giving you. How's that out of context if he says that his marriage had a lot to do with it? Yeah, I don't know. Not his marriage to Angie. Right. Angie Jolie. He might have said 7,000 things in between. I was searching for an exciting movie because my life wasn't exciting. And then said like, you know, so then I went and I married Jennifer Aniston. And, you know, we spent some couple good years together. And I started to get kind of sad. And I think my marriage has something to do with it. And they may have like taken so much out. And put the two of them together? Yeah. Okay.

42:24You know, she doesn't deserve it. You're smiling because you know it came out differently. Oh, yeah, I know. I know there was some, yeah. It happens with me every time I, you know, every cycle. But my point is, I just want to say, she's good people. You know, there should be a statute of limitations on this thing. Which girl is he talking about there? He's talking about Jennifer Aniston. And when he says there should be a statute of limitations, he's saying, look, I divorced that broad a long time ago. What are people still mad at me because I left there, you know, for Angie? Or you're in a weird relationship with the ice queen. The little angel. The devil. Angel. Why are they still talking about it? Okay, yeah. It's getting to the point in this country where you meet a new hot girl and you leave your wife for her and everybody wants to make a big deal out of it. Yeah. You're doing that thing that you do. What is that? It's sarcasm. Oh. But is that not exactly what he's saying? Walk a mile. I mean, we don't know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In other words, to walk a mile, what we would have to do is we'd have to be in a relationship we weren't stoked about. Right. And then meet a girl who is arguably the hottest woman in the world. Fair enough. And then you try not leaving your wife for her.

43:48You give it a shot. Why don't you try walking a mile in those shoes, just trying to get through that shoot without boning her, marrying her, excuse me, boning her, adopting kids with her, living with her, and divorcing your wife or her. You try that. So what is different than any other celebrity marriage? Right. That hasn't worked. That hasn't worked. But everybody still, I guess the only difference is we're talking about this one right now. If you want to, we can talk about the other one. But I'm just saying, it's like when she went into the relationship, Jen Anderson, did she really think it was going to be forever? Yeah, but a lot of things. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's my J right there. Wait, time out. That's my J. I see what he's saying. Wait. Because it's Hollywood. It's Hollywood. It's Hollywood, but. Dude. If you guys are saying that's Hollywood. That's Hollywood. Okay, wait, wait, wait. But if you're saying that's Hollywood, that means, let me just understand you correctly. Just want to understand you correctly. All right. You guys are saying, hey, listen, the bit in Hollywood is you get married, you get divorced. That is their bit. That's the bit. Is that a bit? It's about three years. Is that the bit? That's the bit. We've established that. And by the way, I agree. What's the bit in the private sector? Same bit. The same.

45:13Freaking. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. No, that's right. In the private sector. No, no, no. Wait. In the private sector, people get married and they don't get divorced. No, same bit. They stay together. There's got to be a higher divorce rate in college. Yeah, I don't know. There's a much higher divorce rate in celebrities. There's the same divorce rate with Christians. There's the same divorce rate with everybody. Everybody gets a divorce. People get divorced. Every day I'm surrounded by Angelina Jolie. I'm surrounded by, you know, the next day I'm working with... Scarlett Johansson. Every day, it's just an old, how many times do you go, you spend six months shooting a movie with this incredible blonde, and then the next month you're like, hey, now I'm doing it with this brunette. You're just, you're put into a situation. The temptations are different than what normal people do. Normally, what normal people do is they go to their job, they see the same group of people, and maybe there's like one hot girl, but you're not just, you're not there for 17 hours a day. Just you and her. And maybe you're doing a love scene. Who knows what's going on? Yeah. And I don't agree with it, but I'm just telling you, they have... It's almost... I can't even imagine. It's almost unfair. It's interesting, though, because, you know, Aniston didn't do that to him. As far as we know. As far as we know. As far as we know. Again, let's assume she was. Let's assume she... You guys are assuming she was. I mean, all I'm doing is looking at the scoreboard.

46:40Okay? The scoreboard don't lie. Never hands, never will. Scoreboard doesn't lie. Scoreboard doesn't lie. Everyone loved Aniston. Everyone still does. That's what the deal was. She was America's sweetheart kind of thing. Same with Sandra Bullock. Yeah, he broke her heart. I just think it's... I think if we're talking about the dude that works at Panera. This is the dude who works at Panera. Bill. Bill. Bill at Panera. He's got a little name tag on that says Bill. Okay. He's making paninis back there. He's making it real good. Just slamming that panini thing down, flattening those sandwiches. He's doing a good job. Just melting that cheese real good. And he's a sharp guy. And he's got a sharp wife. They're both a couple sharp-looking people. And the girl working with him, her name tag says Angie. She's arguably the hottest girl to ever work at Panera, by the way. Ever. If we're talking about him. And he looks over at her and he's like, I have to have a taste. It's so good. Oh my gosh. Listen, I know I've been married for three years, but what am I supposed to do? They freaking keep putting me on this shift with her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. That girl smells so freaking good. And then Angie talks to me. I'm like, gosh dang it, shut up. Don't talk to me. You're making this worse. Quit talking to me. The other day, she freaking flirted with me.

48:04I don't know. My wife's name is Cynthia. I've had enough. I can't take it anymore. Cynthia, it isn't my fault. They keep putting me on this shift with her, and I got a boner. And I got a boner now and bad. And I'm tired of boning you. Yeah, we have our differences. And so I'm going to tell you. It's over. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now. maybe what people can do is they can look at Cynthia and be like, bet she was a whore too. Bet she was. Hey, how do we know she wasn't a whore? We don't know. She could have been boning everybody. Well, maybe, but the scoreboard says that Bill from Panera is a douchebag. He's an A number one douchearino. He's Vinny douchearino. I don't think Brad Pitt gets a pass because he was forced into temptation. I think that's why those marriages dissolve. Yeah. Plus, they're all on the road. I mean, you're not with each other. You need to be with each other. Wasn't the story, too, that he wanted to start a family? Yeah, and she didn't? She didn't. She was, like, out on kids. And look, he's got six kids now. You know what sucks? What sucks is you're married. Like, here's the deal. My wife can decide that she wants to adopt, okay? And I can go, I don't want to. Okay? And she has this desire. This, like, desire.

49:31I really want to do this. Well, I don't. Okay? Well, you know what I'm going to do then? I'm going to find a guy that does. I'm going to find a guy that does. Because this is so important to me. It's such a big part of my life. And it's huge. We're talking about life here. I'm leaving you to find somebody that is okay with it. No, you're not. We're married. Hey, listen. I know we have a difference of opinion on this. Sucks. Sucks because we can't get out of it. We can't get out of it. Remember? Remember the day we got, unless what we said that day, and if I could cuss, I would actually say BS. Unless the day that we got married, it was all BS. What if they were crossing their fingers behind their back? Could be. Could be they were crossing their fingers. Listen, that's my point. My bit is divorce. I think that it ruins kids. I think it ruins families. I think it ruins. What if there's no kids in the picture? It still ruins. Do you think Jen Aniston wasn't ruined by it? I think she played that card pretty hard. Who cares that she's America's sweetheart? Who cares that she's America's sweetheart? If she was Cynthia, wife of Panera guy, I still think he's doucherino. You know, I always wonder, why does the church care so much that people stay married? I mean, why does church and state?

50:49Why are there so many penalties? Why are you bringing up church? Now you're putting me in the position where I'm Pastor Mikey. Well, then why does the state care so much if you stay married? If there's no kids involved. The state doesn't care. They don't? No, hell no. Then why are there incentives to get married? I don't know. Why? I don't know. Maybe easier paperwork for this. But your question was, well, why does the church care about people getting married? Right. Okay, so I'll now be a representative of the church. And Rick Jackson, our general manager, will be like, S.O.B. That J. J. Damn it, J. You know better. Way to go, J. Way to go. This is why. There is all kinds of proof from the history of the Bible in the beginning of dudes having multiple marriages. It never worked. It never worked. They show guys that have multiple marriages. The reason they show it is because it didn't work. In the New Testament, the new way, it's marry one person, and it works. Now, there's a condition that goes along with it, and it's called love and respect. This is the way it's bulletproof. If a dude loves his wife, and he just shows her love, and if a woman respects her husband and doesn't disrespect him, it works. If you get out of that thing, it don't work anymore. And I know because I do it. I know because I do it. I don't show enough love to Rebecca.

52:17The way that I should. The next thing I know, she's not very respectful. And I get all butthurt. And I'm like, what is her problem? Well, I don't know, pal. Maybe you kiss her neck every once in a while. Play grab ass every now and then. Maybe you spend some time. Maybe you do some of that. And then I go, oh yeah, I forgot. And I get back into that. And suddenly, she is doing the most badass stuff for me. And I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And you get into a cycle. Now, who is the person that's supposed to start the more mature one? So her. Yeah. Actually. You want to know the truth? I'm just kidding. I used to say that for years. The truth is it's me. I'm just kidding. I used to say for years, I'd go, she's the more mature one. The truth is I'm the more mature one. So I started. And I do. I'll try to start the routine. Right now, she gets an A+.

53:14Because she's hanging in there with me while I'm, you know, she gets the A+. 570-194-9. There's more Brad Pitt. But maybe people are fed up with me talking about it. Brad Pitt. Is Jay's healthy? Yeah, I know. Hey, Mike, what's a church's problem anyways? Mike, can you recite Ephesians first? The Book of Elijah? That's a big book. Oh, man, this is spicy. This is a spicy meatball. So the Republicans are debating, and there was some booze in the audience after a question. What was the question? What got them so riled up? We're also going to do this. I'm not proud of it, but one time I had to pee so bad, I... What? You call us. 570-1949. Not proud of it, but one time I had to pee so bad, I... You tell us.

54:30Heard on the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949-MIKEY. You guys care about the rules? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. Big things are happening at Bob Baker Mazda Car Country Carlsbad. The new 2012 Mazda 3s are now available with extended term 0% financing. Then there's 2011 Mazda CX-9s with extended term 0% financing and a $500 rebate. It's on your approved credit and 0% creates a very affordable monthly payment. For everything Mazda, there's only one place. And that's Bob Baker Mazda in relaxing car country Carlsbad or anytime at BobBakerMazda.com. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act. Fortunately, Cricket Wireless helps keep things in control with a cool smartphone like the Sanyo Zayo by Kyocera for under $100. And the best part is Cricket's great unlimited plan with talk, text, and data for only $55 a month.

55:31Way less than those other guys. And an awesome price for a smartphone. The Zio's perfect for keeping up with friends and family on Facebook, Google Maps to get around, and has access to tons of other apps. So do yourself a favor and get the Android-powered Zio for $99.99 with no contracts or hidden fees. Plus unlimited talk, text, and data for just $55 a month. Visit a Cricut store or mycricut.com today. So smart. So, Cricket. Limited time offer. Requires new activation. See store for details. Data usage is subject to Cricket's fair use policy. Coverage not available everywhere. Terms and restrictions apply. Get the Huawei Ascend 2 Android smartphone at Cricket for $99.99 after mail-in offer. Plus, a great plan for only $55 a month with no contract. Visit a Cricket store today. Hey, gang, it's your old pal, Woodsy. Gotta tell you, I am so excited about Dave & Buster's. Listen, before I started in radio, I was a Dave & Buster's fan, okay? Now I get paid to go to Dave & Buster's. It's the greatest place, man. You can go play games. They have phenomenal food, delicious drinks. They've got everything you need. So this Monday, September 26th, it's the Cowboys against the Redskins. Great NFL rivalry. I will be there from 4.30 to 6.30 at Dave & Buster's in Mission Valley, 2931 Camino Del Rio North. Now, I'm giving stuff away. There's going to be some concert tickets, CDs, T-shirts, all that good stuff.

56:51I've got the crown jewel. I've got a pair of Chargers tickets. Chargers against the Dolphins, and I'm going to be giving those away next Monday at Dave & Buster's. They've got tons of TV screens to watch football on. We're going to be hanging out, like I said, 4.30 to 6.30 Monday night. It's Dave & Buster's, and this place is incredible. Come try to win Chargers-Dolphins tickets from your boy, old pal Woodsy, at Dave & Buster's. Friday is one awesome day. Maybe it's because it's the last day of the work week. Or maybe it's the $5 Friday deals at Vons. Ready meals, healthy snacks, you never know what amazing $5 Friday deals Vons will bring you each week. Like today, 12-ounce waterfront bistro marinated and encrusted tilapia fillets are just $5 each, selected varieties. Look for other $5 Friday deals in the Vons Circular, then hurry in. And while you're here, pick up these Vons Club specials. Three-pound containers of red seedless grapes are only $5 each. Lucerne Chunk Cheese is just $5 each, 32-on-size selected varieties. And Safeway Select Coffee is only $5 each, selected varieties. Don't miss our three-day sale going on now through Sunday with fantastic savings for the weekend and all week long. And remember to get your flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. It's all this weekend at Vons. Ingredients for life.

58:10Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. The Padres' schedule is winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded pennant race coverage and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And, of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego as the Padres host their series with the Dodgers, 630 Friday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then, there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m. only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's new and then there's new. As in original. As in the reset button has been pressed. As in the 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class, backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class with technology like Attention Assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy. The E-Class continues to chart its own course.

59:36Ironically. Only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then there's my show. But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m. Only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's new and then there's new. As in original. As in the reset button has been pressed. As in the 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class. backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class with technology like Attention Assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy. The E-Class continues to chart its own course. Ironically, one test drive reveals that all this new technology prompts an old reaction, amazement. Lease the E350 Sport Sedan, an IHS top safety pick, for just $599 a month for 33 months with $4,369 due at signing. Only at your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through September 30, 2011. Equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. TV on the radio. Arctic Monkeys.

1:01:02Tomorrow night, open-air theater at SDSU. TV on the radio's new album, Nine Types of Light, available now. Buy tickets now at LiveNation.com. Arctic Monkeys' new album, Suck It and See, available now. TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys, live. And the winner of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Way Off is Ethel Herbert! A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing! Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot sauce goes on anything. It's aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot sauce. I put that s*** on everything.

1:01:54This report brought to you by Farmers Insurance. Don't have a Farmers Insurance agent? You may not be saving as much as you could. Farmers has dozens of discounts. They could save you hundreds of dollars. Just call a Farmers agent at 888-96-FARMERS and you'll start saving. Some delays here as you head towards Palma Valley. Valley Center Road at Morales Road, there's an injury accident there. It's right in front of Harris Casino. They've got medics on the scene. Also, Chula Vista to San Diego, that drive on the 5 southbound, pretty congested. Average speeds about 30 miles an hour from Palomar to Coronado Avenue. Also, the 8 eastbound, you've got delays from Johnson Avenue to the 67. And the drive through National City, the 5 southbound, pretty congested from the 15th to 18th Street. This report also brought to you by your... San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners your neighborhood Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate. That's for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Hey, why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.

1:02:54KBZT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. Lauren. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized for days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. Jay is our producer and our phone screener is Chris. Let's crawl. Apparently, Larry Flint is offering a million dollars to anybody with, quote, proof of an illicit sexual liaison involving Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry. Why is he doing that? Because he wants to embarrass public figures he dislikes. Yeah, sounds like filth. Sounds like filth. Now, here's the deal. It doesn't matter with Larry Flint.

1:04:19He's such a perv. I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't know what to call him. He's so into sex that if we found a sexual liaison with Larry Flint, no one cares. Yeah, you wouldn't be surprised. Yeah, it's not a story. But a lot of people, well, most people, most people, they have some sexual liaison in their past that they're not proud of. And what do you mean? I mean, yes, we do. Some of us have a sexual liaison. Not everybody. Or two. Or two. That we're not proud of. So to go out and offer a million bucks to embarrass somebody is kind of freakish to me. It's insane. It's freakish. But, you know, to each their own.

1:05:19Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, there's a bunch of stuff. First, let me tell you that sports is brought to us today by U31 in North Park. It's where I'm going to be watching some football on Sunday. Well, hopefully, Mike, the Chargers will get to play. They've been granted an extension, a 24-hour extension, to sell enough tickets to lift the television blackout. They're about 3,900 tickets short right now. So get out there. Go to Chargers.com. Buy your tickets. Also, good news yesterday in the case of Brian Stowe, who was the fan that was beaten, the Giants fan that was beaten outside of Dodger Stadium. He uttered his first words since the beating. Oh, wow. And so he is more responsive than ever and has uttered his first words. So that is good news. And continue to keep him in your thoughts. There you go. 570-1949 is the number. This is M1 Leah from San Diego. Hey, what's up, Mikey? How are you? Good. So I kind of disagree with you on the divorce ruins everything. I think there are some cases where it's nasty, like in my parents' case, really nasty public divorce. In my case, me and my ex get along really well, and there's no fighting. So, you know, the kids aren't bothered. Nobody's bothered by it. It's just something that happened. Wait a minute. I'm not saying...

1:06:43that if you get a divorce, everything in your life is bad. That's not the deal. But I think that divorce is bad. It's terrible. It's not good. I think it depends on the situation, though, because if both people are so miserable that they're fighting all the time and it's affecting the kids in a negative way, and they decide to make it into a positive situation and split up so it would be easier on the kids, that's one thing. Yeah, let me give you my take on that. My take on that is if they're both miserable, why are they miserable? They're fighting? Let's talk to it like it's a real-life situation. Are they miserable because they're fighting? Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of other stuff going on, too, but a lot of it was just constant fighting and bickering. Okay, well, check this out. If cheating is involved, I say... that's a breaking of the vow and it's over. Okay? If cheating is involved. If somebody is abusing somebody, you leave. You get out of there. Okay? And you hope that person gets themselves some help and, you know, they probably will because people are motivated by pain. So I believe that there is, you know, cause for divorce when somebody cheats. Other than that, I do not believe in divorce and I don't believe that it's good to do and I think that we can get out of it. Now, in your example, here's what you're saying.

1:08:14Yeah, but they're so miserable, they're fighting all the time, and it's affecting the kids. The reason that they're fighting is because both parties are selfish. Here's what I mean. I want my way, and I want you to bend to my way. Here's the other person. I'm not willing to bend to your way. I want my way. Now we're at a standoff. It means we're going to fight. Not necessarily, because, I mean, with our issues... We tried to work through them as much as we could, and there were just differences and issues that couldn't get worked through no matter how much. Can you give me an example? I don't want to beleaguer the point, but can you give me an example? I'm trying to think of an example that's not too personal right now. Well, they're all personal. Every one of them will be personal. Did he cheat? He never met her in person, but there was an online affair. Yeah, he cheated. I say you're justified. He cheated. If he cheats, you're justified. End of story. If he cheats, you're justified. If you cheat, he's justified. That's it. But if you guys are fighting because somebody's leaving the toilet seat, even heavier stuff than that. I mean, if you guys are fighting because he likes to go out with the boys on Friday nights, you guys are fighting about it. Well, he needs to stop going out with the boys on Friday nights. But he doesn't want to. He wants his way. I want my way.

1:09:42I want what I want. I mean, it was literally everything. Yeah, I want what I want. I know it. I know it. I know it. I want to start my own business. Well, I don't want you to. Well, I want to. I don't want you to. Well, I'm going to find a guy that lets me start my own business. I want what I want. I want to do what I want to do. And then what do you do? You wreck a family. You have kids. You wreck a family. You get a divorce. And then when people ask you about it, you go, hey, listen. You know, we just had a... Things were not just... They just weren't going our way, you know? They just weren't working out. Just weren't working out. Really? How about maybe you were selfish? Maybe you were selfish and you didn't want to give. You didn't want to give. If anybody's puckering their butthole right now, I'm sorry. If you've been through divorce or whatever and you're puckering up right now and you're like, oh, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear this. I'm sorry. And maybe it isn't appropriate for the radio. And maybe I shouldn't talk about it. Maybe I shouldn't be in radio anymore. And I'm not kidding. I mean, I'm getting to the point where every day I come in. And I do this radio show. And I feel like I'm on an island. I feel like I'm on an island. And I have these strong opinions. Every time I start to give the strong opinions, I can tell by the looks of my best friends, like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Please stop it. No way. Yeah. And I don't blame you. I'm just cold. You can't project that onto us. You're not thinking that? No. Okay. Because at the end of the day, I agree with you.

1:11:07Minus one part. I think abuse. Yeah, abuse. Warrants. Get out. Beat it. Get out. And other than that, yeah, I mean, I've had struggles in my marriages, man, in my marriage that, boy, we almost kicked to the curb. And I couldn't be more thankful that we didn't and we fought through it. Yes. I couldn't be more thankful. Let me tell you something, man. My parents have been married for 55 years. And when you say, when that lady said, well, you know, there's just issues where, you know. It was affecting the kids. My parents fought. Oh, yeah. My parents fought. Mine too. They didn't get a freaking divorce. And I asked them, how come you didn't get a divorce? And they said, because we just didn't. They don't have some real philosophical thing. They don't have this real intellectual explanation. They don't have this magic pill. They don't have some Tony Robbins seminar. That says we didn't do it because we realize that one's goals has to achieve blah, blah, blah. They just didn't do it. They hated each other for a time. They hated each other. Yeah. To look at the other one made the other one. Yeah. But they stuck to it and they're in love. I've been at a point with my wife and she's been at a point with me where we're so pissed off. Now, I'll tell you what creeps into my mind at that time. Be nice to get some strange.

1:12:31We're fighting right now. I can't stand her. You know, it would be, and I know that it's especially in our culture, I could get away with it. Well, I can't now because I talk about it so much on the radio, but let's say I didn't. You'd be toast. Rebecca's in the best position in the world. I ain't leaving her. You know what I mean? Are you kidding? I'd be snipered. You would be shot. Yeah, there's no question. I'd walk out of the building and there'd be eight angry women with guns justified that would pop me. I would call in sick that day. Yeah. Because I couldn't sit through it. I told Rebecca the other day. I go, imagine. And she goes, don't even say that. That's not funny. I go, I said it to everybody as a joke. I go, imagine if I came in and I was like, guys, listen to M1s. I just, you know, I'm so sorry that I have to say this, but things just aren't working out. And I know that I've said. I know I said it. I know I have. I know. I've said it ad nauseum, but I have to do it. But listen, this time I just feel it. Yes. Hi, Mike. Yes. Finally be the Jay Show then. That's right. There's been times where I just couldn't stand her. She couldn't stand me. And you know what we do? We shut our mouths and we don't talk a little bit. And then we get over it. And I fast forward a month later. And we're in the car.

1:13:50laughing. Yeah. She says, we're having fun, we're back in love. But way too often, what sneaks in is the thought of the grass is greener. And let me tell you something, you are exchanging one problem for another. Ask yourself, divorce people, ask yourself, divorce people that have remarried, is that woman not a pain in your ass right now? I'll bet you she is. I bet you she may not do what the other one did, but you got a whole new set now. Yep. And same with the women, with the guys, and it's the same bit. Well, that's not fair. Some people are happier in a new situation. Yes. If the person was cheating, and if the... Oh, you know what? I'm going to erase that. You may be right. They may actually be happier. It may be true that Brad Pitt is happier with Angelina Jolie. That doesn't make it right. No. Just because I'm wrong don't make you right. No.

1:14:49So, I'll repeat that. If I'm ever wrong, it doesn't mean you're right. It means I'm wrong. But, and that's the point. Don't make it right. It's because you're happier. You know, I mean, if I got a divorce, I would F my kids. Yes. Well, if you didn't have kids, though. I keep saying that. I think that you're right. If you have kids, you have an obligation to stay together. But if you don't have kids, I think, and you're new in the... Because I don't know why you get married. Then why'd you get married? Just don't get married, man. I got married to have kids. Okay, okay. But you didn't have to get married to have kids. Oh, you don't know my mom very well then. Well, dude, I mean... We were living together. So your mom said get married? We were living together. We talked about not getting married. We were just going to live together. But then we decided we want to have kids. And my mom was like, well, if you don't want to have kids... Well, you didn't have to do that. Yeah, I did. So by your logic, though, then, since I don't have any kids, I can do whatever I want? Well...

1:15:48I would say if it's not working. Yeah, go ahead. I think people do it too easily, but I also think that we're humans and we make errors. Yeah, perfect. If there's something that is absolutely miserable and you don't have kids yet, I mean... You got to stick it out for a while and try every last round. But I mean, no way. I would rather that than a sentence of miserable just because you don't have a sense. You don't have a sentence of miserable. L.O.B. If me and you are married and we don't have kids and we're fighting, I got to go. Oh, gosh, darn it. Maybe I freaking give. You know what happens? I've said it a million times. We're all growing up little kids. A lot of times we just stick our heels in the ground and we go, I'm not doing what you want. And quit bitching at me. But what if people change? I mean, people just... We do! You think my mom and dad didn't change over 55 years? My dad definitely went one way. My mom definitely went another way in the way that they grew. Really, like with gambling problems, with addiction problems, with all of a sudden they just want to be an a-hole. I have a buddy who is married.

1:16:52He knew exactly what he was getting into, got married. She all of a sudden decided she was going to spend every nickel of his money, just keep spending, spending. She's like, look, look, you can't stop me kind of thing. And she just kept spending, spending, spending. It wasn't abuse. It didn't cheat on him. Yeah. I don't get a divorce. It's a violation of trust, though. Listen. Listen. First of all, there's something going on there. I mean, I don't know what it is. I don't either. I don't know what it is. He didn't either. I don't know what it is. I still don't get a divorce, man. Listen, my wife, before we got married, maybe what we should have said in our vows is, I take this man for better, well, for better. And that is to say, and this is what the vows say, that is to say that if he ever becomes addicted to Vicodin, or if he ever relapses and goes back to booze, or if he ever spends money at a level that isn't right, I do hold out the right to divorce his ass. Because at that point, he's making me miserable. I'm glad that that wasn't written into our vows. Because I just went to the doc for clinical depression. Now she could have said... But that's sickness.

1:18:12Sickness and in health. But it also says for better, for worse. Right. And what if it gets worse? It does get worse. What if worse becomes abusive? I mean, abuse is defined. Abuse is different. I say you get out of there. There's physical abuse and there's verbal abuse, too. And there's abuse in the forms of addiction and stuff like that. Now, look, I'm not an advocate for divorce. In fact, if I ever get married, that's it. You know, that's forever. And by the way, people who get married after 30 have statistically a higher chance of staying together. So I've got that going for me. Yeah. I just don't want to judge anybody that I just I think it's hard to put a generalization because there's so many different reasons. I think most people get divorced too easily. I do, too. I just don't think I can blanket statement say that everyone that did it gave up, you know. Well, everyone that did it by definition. Well, not everyone. Not if your person, if somebody cheated on you, I said you get out. It's over. You can, you know, you don't have to. You can choose to work it out. But if it was because you were fighting, you by definition, by definition, you gave up. If you were fighting and you didn't get a divorce, you by definition.

1:19:25Stuck it out. Yeah, but there's levels. I mean, it's not so black and white. It's not so black and white. There's levels of fighting. This guy, they had the most normal relationship, but she just became unhappy. You couldn't reason. It was insane. It was the most crazy thing I'd ever seen. Well, it sounds like maybe she was crazy. It sounds like maybe she should have been committed. Well, no. I mean, she still lives in a healthy existence, but, you know. Yeah, I would love to dig into that at some point, because something ain't right in China there. And something just ain't right about it. M1, Elaine from San Diego. Hi. Yes, I just want to say love is giving someone the chance to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to. And always kind words make great echoes. Crying words make great... Kind words. Kind words make great echoes. What does that mean? Echo, echo. It gives good results. Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:20:25You're all wonderful and you're giving a lot of different views. You're all great looking people. You know, just throwing out something kind. Thank you very much. Your heart is generous. I don't hear that. You're very sweet. You're very sweet. Honestly, love is giving someone the chance to destroy you because when you love someone, you let them know the ins and outs, the past, the future, the now. You know, you're like giving them a chance to destroy you. Yeah. But trusting them enough not to. But what if they do destroy you? Well, then I guess that really isn't love, right? Love is giving someone the chance to destroy you, right? But trusting them enough not to. I mean, personally, I'm in my 40s, and I would rather know the truth and hate it than be lied to and love it. Like, some people love to be lied to, like, oh, yes, you know. But they don't know it. Well, how do you lie to? For me personally. I appreciate your phone call. I really do. Thank you, Elaine. That's very deep. Deeper than I understood. Let's see. M1, Ange from Oceanside. Are you there? Yes, I'm here. Go ahead. Calling because this topic really bothers me whenever you guys bring it up because everybody seems to have a lot of venom towards Angelina Jolie, even though Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were the two that were married. I don't.

1:21:57For the record, I love Angelina and I think she gets a bad rap. I'm not a fan of her. Ultimately, Brad was wrong. I like her. Angelina didn't have anything? Who knows what her role in it was. Angelina was single. Brad's the one that was married and left his marriage. Just to understand this correctly, if you marry BFMC and he meets a girl and she knows he's married to you and she takes him on, you don't think she's a B? Who knows if... They got physical or who initiated what. No matter. Let's say he leaves you for her. It's inconsequential, though. The two people that are in the marriage. I mean, yeah, that doesn't make that, like you said, just because that person's wrong doesn't make so-and-so right. Exactly. That girl's not in the right, but it's not her marriage to be worried about. But we can say this, I think. I think we could say she's in the wrong. Yeah, but it's, I mean. You know I'm in a relationship. Well, she's not in the right, but it's not. You know I'm married. It's not her marriage to maintain. So, I mean, although morally it's wrong to do, it's not her problem to deal with. It's morally wrong. That's all I'm trying to... I wouldn't go to her and punish her. It'd be the person in the relationship. She's wrong. Yeah, she's wrong, but I'm not going to go and say, yeah, you're wrong. You ever hook up with a girl that had a boyfriend that you didn't know?

1:23:16And you're like, I don't care. I don't know him. That was my bed. I was devastated. Not me. I was like, I don't know this clown. There's one thing to do it unknowingly, but obviously, if anything got physical, which they both tried to maintain, it didn't until after. Maybe it didn't. She knew who Jennifer Aniston is. She gets a bad rap. She does a lot of good. Doesn't it trip people out when they hear... Like when I go, my parents have been married, you know, when I have them on the air and I go, Mom and Dad, they've been married for 55 years. Don't people trip out? Like, that seems wild. It just doesn't happen anymore. Wild. 24 years in October. Dude. Look at Jay. That's unbelievable. Jay, I'm telling you, bro. I mean, I give you so much credit. I mean, with my heart, dude. No question. Me too. Jay is a role model to look up to in that regard. I mean, the fact that, and I believe that you have done so much. for your kids by doing that. Oh, I agree. I mean, you really have, dude. It's definitely an advocacy for police dog, playing police dog with your wife. Police dog. It really is. It really is. Police bear now. It is. Police bear. Yeah, people are doing all kinds of police things. I will say this. If you get into a spot with your spouse where it gets rough, have her lay down. Yep. Okay, and just stay still. She better stay still. Yeah, this is what...

1:24:32Jay and his wife do. And I'm being completely serious. He pretends to be a police dog. Now, occasionally he does it in the nude. He doesn't always do it in the nude. And it doesn't have to be done in the nude. I'm not saying that it does. What I am saying is definitely add some spice to it. It helps. He plays something called police dog with his wife and he will snap around to make sure she's dead. That's right. Now, if she moves a muscle, police dog attacks. Police dog attacks. I will tell you about Larry Flint. We will get to your calls because people are calling about it and I invite you to call about this. Finish the sentence. I'm not proud of it, but one time I had to pee so bad, I blank. We got some funny ones. How much time do we have? We have funny ones up there. Or call Mikey now, 570-1949. More coming up on FM 94.9.

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1:29:47Two simple words that we just don't hear enough. Well, Burger King is saying thank you by giving you a cool, creamy soft serve cone or cup with the purchase of a value meal. That's a free soft serve, and all you have to do is enjoy a value meal. Is anybody else giving you something free right now? Well, then go to Burger King and get your soft serve. This is Radio BK. Price and participation vary. Limited time offer not valid during breakfast hours while supplies last. Every Mini has always offered iconic style, go-kart handling, and exhilarating performance. Now there's the Mini Countryman. It has all the things that makes a Mini a Mini, and a little bit more. It's bigger, so there's more than enough space for your next big adventure. And it's also the first Mini with four doors. There's even available all-wheel drive. You even get three-year, 36,000-mile, no-cost maintenance included. The Mini Countryman. It's just a little bit more Mini to love. Learn more and arrange for a test drive at miniofsdcounty.com. Boar's Head Oven Gold Turkey Sandwiches are being stolen every day. To defend your sandwich, put yourself in the mind of the sandwich thief. Now, you open the fridge, and knowing everyone is off to the big meeting, you consider whose lunch you'll steal. There's a tub of Mindy's Macaroni Surprise, which you don't want to touch. There's a horrible-looking foot-long mess that's obviously subpar. Ah, there it is. A Boar's Head Oven Gold Turkey Sandwich.

1:31:09Turkey doesn't get any better than this. The best quality pure turkey without preservatives, without fillers, without ground-up, questionable things. And so you swipe the boar's head. Of course, knowing how desirable boar's head oven-gold turkey is, the sandwich owner may be ready for the thief. Gotcha! Oh, is this your sandwich? It looks exactly like mine. Nice try. Boar's Head Oven Gold Turkey. Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head Premium Deli Meats and Cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries. You guys ready for some Sunday football? Go to U31, North Park's number one bar and grill to hang out with me, Woodsy. Prizes awarded to those who can pick. FM 94.9 will host select 1 p.m. football games throughout the season. Check FM 94.9SD.com for details. Honda production is back at full speed, and your Honda dealers of San Diego County are getting ready for a big fourth quarter. They've got plenty of cars and plenty of deals. Visit SDHondaDealers.com today. It's good to be back.

1:32:08This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Looks like the 15 southbound before University Avenue, that right lane is blocked. There is a spilled load of cardboard and paper. The big rig responsible pulled over to the right shoulder. A truck that's loaded with pallets on the 805 northbound at Orange Avenue. That's over on the right shoulder. It's not moving anywhere right now. Some delays as you travel through Santee. The 52 westbound at the 125, pretty congested. And Chula Vista, that drive on the 5 southbound. Average speeds about 35 miles an hour from Palomar to Coronado Avenue. This report also brought to you by Del Taco. At Del Taco, get 12 regular tacos for $5.88. 12 freshly prepared tacos with your choice of crunchy or soft shell. $5.88. Hurry, get 12 regular tacos for $5.88 only at Del Taco. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird's Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Friday morning. Yahoo! This is being brought to you by Bulky Boys Clothing Line. And it is a thing or a day to be happy about because the surf has picked up.

1:33:16Combination of some northwest and some southwest out there, both kind of coming on at the same time. Inconsistent, so that's a good thing. Crossing each other up on occasion, giving us some peaky lines at the beaches. Semi-walled out, pick and choose corners in that chest-shoulder high range on average. Top spot seeing some head-high waves with possible pluses. Again, inconsistent for those larger setways, but they will come through. Expect that water temperature to have dropped off some, that's for sure, without northwest or picking down some cooler water from up that way. probably going to be down there in that low 60s, upper 50s range. Overcast skies right now with some fog. Looks like it'll burn off relatively early. Calm winds, clean conditions, high tide this morning, slowing things down at around 740. So it looks like a fun day of surf ahead of us with more to follow. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. For all your surfboard repair needs, go see Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Anytime you're ready. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I bite into it, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls' trip, and I'll go on a surf trip or something.

1:34:40If I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9. He had a very pleasant voice. Robert? Yes, he did. Very much so. Word of the day is weasel. I'll say it between now and ten. When I do, caller nine. Front row tickets to see Arctic Monkeys and TV on the radio. Wow. Bam. Pretty awesome. I've never been front row for anything, dude. I've always wanted to be. Darn. Great. Closest I got was second room. And I had to camp out in front of Tower Records in order to get those tickets. For who? Van Halen. And I got kicked out. Mikey! What did you do? I rushed the stage. And I did it more. And they told me, if you rush the stage again, we're kicking you out. Must have scared the hell out of the performer. Oh, gosh. Wow. You didn't rush anything.

1:36:12Mike, you ever seen killer whales come up onto the beach to get their prey? Petrifying. It's terrifying. I bet Eddie Van Halen thought that he was some kind of a penguin. Yep. And he's coming up to eat them. Did you think he had sausage in his pocket? Is that what it was, Mike? You thought he had smoky Italian sausage, spicy flavor, in his pocket. It wasn't his guitar licks. You thought... Somebody's got sausage, and I think it's that man with the axe in his hand. I bet you smelled the sandwiches backstage. It just had to get to them, didn't you? Mike was trying to get to the green room. I want tacos and burritos. You know, the shortest distance between two points, Mike, is a straight line. So, hey, why waste time going around the stage? Go right through it. I'm surprised I knew that, self. Oh, my gosh. Hello? Hey, Max. This is Jay. You are such a dum-dum. You got kicked out of a Van Halen show. That's your favorite band, dummy. What's the matter with you? You got kicked out of a Van Halen show. You slept outside. Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine what your mom had to make in burritas for you to spend a whole night outdoors? There ain't a Weber.

1:37:41Big enough. Hang on a second, Mike. The other me wants to talk to you. Hang on a minute. Hello? Hey, Mike. Yes? It's Jay. Hey, Jay. What are you doing, dummy? I'm sitting here just listening to you just bag on me. Why don't you just quit, Mike? Quit? Just quit. No! Just quit. I don't want to quit. You ain't got a nickel of sense in that head. I do, too. Stop it. You're making me feel bad. That fat head. Jay, it's not fair for you to talk to me like that. You ain't got... one bit of fit. That's not nice. Van Halen? Yes. You're a dummy. I like Van Halen. You're a dummy. Well, you liked him good enough to get kicked out, didn't you? Yeah, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have gotten kicked out. Here's Other J. Mike. Yes? It's me, Other J. Hey, what's up, Other J? Can you hear me between the fat in your ears? Are you sure? Yes, I can. Yes.

1:38:35Do you even know what Van Halen is anymore? Yes, they're a band. They're a band I love. Now, what kind of food do they have backstage? I don't know because I got kicked out. All right, they had turkeys and little Kaiser rolls. Is that what did it? Is that what drove you? No, it isn't what drove me. I know what I ain't bringing to lunch tomorrow. Listen. You had a nacho gullet. I'm disgusted. Here's another J. Oh, sorry. Goodbye. Jerk. So mean. Smart guy. Jeez. Smart guy. Speaking of Van Halen, M1 Hot for Teacher is on the line, and he's going to tell us, you're not proud of it. Yeah, I am not proud of this. I was five years old, attending Impressa Elementary. Kindergarten, mind you.

1:39:35We were in the computer lab, and I had to go to the bathroom. I walked outside. I didn't want to walk the entire way. And I walked to the library wall, and I peed on the wall. Inside the library? No, no, no. Outside. Outside. What made it worse is not only did a car pull up into the parking lot, the principal had just walked out. Oh, my gosh. That was probably the worst I've ever felt in my life. Did you get caught? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, let's just say my butt was a little purple that night. Yeah. Wow. Oh, man. Who, your mom or your dad? My dad. Got you. Oh, dad whipping. Uh-huh. It ain't good, man. I got a good one. What happened with you? I was in Dallas, and I was at a bar and had been drinking with some friends. And it was a very crowded bar. I think it might have been Texas OU weekend, which is just insane. Yeah, you can't move. Peed in the bar. Why? Leaned up against the bar. Took my... thing out and peed in the bar in the middle of the hole. Just on the floor? Against the back of the bar. He's standing at the bar like he's going to order a drink. Like I'm going to order a drink and I take my thing out and I pee. On the wall. On the bar. Jay has a look on his face right now and here's what that look says.

1:40:49I've never heard anything like that. I've heard everything. Well, what did I say? I'm not proud of it. You're not proud of it. But I did it. Well, that's the deal. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it, but one time I had to pee so bad, I blanked. Now, Woods, why didn't you go to the bathroom? Because it was crowded. The line, it was probably a 30-minute wait, and I was going to pee in my pants. How about a beer bottle? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think of that. I had one that's really going to get you guys. Go. Really bad. Okay, so I'm a freshman in college. First time I start like partying and drinking, stuff like that. We're at a house party, packed house party. The line for the bathroom is like wrapped around. So I'm upstairs on the second floor. My friends tell me, just pee outside. Just pee outside. So I peed on the balcony outside, not thinking about how there were slits. In the wood. In the wood. Oh. And people. No. L-O-B. No. The shower. People. And so people started screaming. And my other friend with me was like, oops, I'm so clumsy. Oh, gosh. And started pretending like she was spilling her beer. Yeah, they're exactly the same. Well, she started to spill it. And she was like, oops, oops. And they were like, what is that? I put my beer in the microwave. Oh. 570-1949. M1 Hannah from Escondido. Hi. I was with my husband beekeeping. Uh-huh.

1:42:08Aren't we all? He's a beekeeper. That's his job. And it was about two weeks before I had my first son. So I'm hugely pregnant and constantly having to pee. There he is. And so it was fortunately the middle of the night. But I'm in a bee suit. You know, the huge white thing. Wait, wait, wait. You guys were out beekeeping in the middle of the night? Well, you have to move them. At night. Yeah. So that they're all, like, in their hide. Yeah, got it. Okay, so it's probably 3 o'clock in the morning. I have to pee, but we're driving the big bee truck. So he pulls over to the side of the road, and I can't just unzip the suit like a guy. Yeah. And it's taped up around my shoes so the bees can't crawl in. So I have to take this whole suit off, but it's around my ankles. And so in order to not pee in the suit, I have to contort at a weird angle, which I can't do being hugely pregnant. So my husband has to hold me like crazy weird on the side of the road with bees swarming everywhere. It was awful. Like a squirt gun. That's love right there. Well, wait a minute. If he had to open that suit up, how did the bees not get you?

1:43:31Well, that was the gamble. It was either I pee in the suit and sit in bed for the rest of the night. And was he like, you're not peeing in that suit? Well, I mean, I could have. I guess that was my choice. He's at $300. That was a $300 bee suit. You're getting stung. Well, it would have pooled around my ankle. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I wouldn't have wanted that. I wouldn't have wanted that at all. Yep. So there we go. Thank you. That's brilliant. Thank you very much. You're welcome. 570-1949. M1 Herald, are you there? I'm here. What did you do? Well, I was working on the rooftop of a high-rise building. Yeah. And I had to go, man. So I just found the storm drain. You found the storm drain? Why do you just pee in a corner? Well, because there'd be a pile of pee. A pile? Better than peeing down a drain. How does it pile? Where does the drain go? It'd be a puddle. The pond drain goes down to the... Oh, yeah, I guess it goes down to the deal. That's true. Where does it go? You did the right thing. Where does it go? I probably would have gone off the side just because it's fun. And you would have killed somebody. No, it would have... No, it would have killed them. It would have hit their head. It would have hit with the velocity. With that velocity. No way. It's like rain. It's just me. It would have killed them. I can't remember what grade it was, but we had milk time where they come around and put the milk...

1:44:55milk containers, little cartons on your desk. Bottles of milk. No, no. When Jay was a kid, there was cartons. And I had to go and the teacher wouldn't let me go. So I went in the milk carton. You already drank it? I already drank it and then opened it up and went, sitting at my desk, went in it. And then I was thinking, I'm going to put it in the desk next to me. So I put it in the desk next to me and I kind of forgot about it. The kid spilled it on himself and the teacher thought that he peed. How old were you? Yeah, I'm trying to remember. I was young. You didn't own up? Oh, of course not. This is the first time I've ever told this story. I have never told this story. Isbell we're talking about. Are you kidding me? It ended up being the same kid that later on, he pooped his pants at school. So he had this rap. Yeah, he had a rap that he couldn't get incontinent. Yeah. He's 70 years old. Control your bowel. There's in Conaberry. Just can't do anything about it. It was Peyton. Peyton. Peyton. Oh, gosh. Yeah, you play. Guy plays for the Colts now. Skipworth or Shipworth or something. But what do you think we nicknamed him after that? Of course. Of course you did.

1:46:01Of course you did. Peyton Esworth. His last name might as well just be Kaka. Yeah. Peyton Kaka. His name was Peyton Kaka. So it was Peyton, probably. Yeah, Peyton Esworth. My name is Peyton, and my last name... Sorry, I can't do anything about it. My last name's Peepy. I can't do anything about it. That's my last name. It's spelled P-I-P-I. Peepy is my last name. I can't do anything about it. That's incredible, Jay. That's disgusting. Oh, my goodness. Freaking Isbell, when we went up to do the ziplining thing. won't pull over and i am holding it like a four-year-old i'm like come on please pull over i'm texting him calling him i ain't pulling over we gotta make time i do urinate as a 36 year old man into a gatorade bottle in my car i was like dude and driving on these like windy roads and i'm trying to not he was delighted though too he's like yeah i was pointing at it but that was after i had to do it why wouldn't you let him we were we were late But the man had to go to the restaurant. Hey, we were late because of him losing his keys. You snooze. You lose. You lose. Because of me. Hey, listen. I'll go on the fairway. I don't care. That's a true story. That's a true statement. Jay went on the fairway. Do you know how hard it is to do? Like driving. It's okay in a car. If somebody else is driving, you're like, I'm going to hop in the back. I'm going to take care of business. While you're driving, you're like, oh, boy. They have a thing called the Little Johnny.

1:47:22I need a little Johnny. It looks like a red plastic gas container. Right. And that's what it's for. Easy for you guys. I know. Girls are toast. You don't have a choice. Airplane pilots use it all the time. The little Johnny? Yep. Oh, that's hideous. Because what do you have a choice? You're in a one-seater and there's no bathroom on the plane. You know what stinks, too, is that for women it's worse. Oh, it's way worse. It's way worse because you have to go way worse than guys do and there's nothing for you. You get a funnel. No, they need a diaper. No, there's something that's designed for it. It's a funnel. It's a legit funnel. They don't have the aiming ability. They don't have to. You have to tilt your pelvis. You push it up against it. Yeah. Hey, listen. Hey, listen. If you're in need, you've got to have something. Yeah. I bet you there's a lot of women that are listening right now that go, wish I had a funnel a couple times. Especially like truck driver women. Yeah. You know, that. That's a very... That's a niche. It's a niche. You know who you are. Name Marge. You know who you are. That's right, but it does exist. All two of you out there. Let's see. 570-1949. All right, let's move on. Oh, let's do our picks. You want to do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Here we go.

1:48:44Big football weekend. It was hard this weekend to do. Oh, my God. You'd think it'd be easier after you see what these teams got, but it wasn't. Jacksonville at Carolina. It's a battle of the rookies, and I think Cam Newton wins that hands down. Agreed. Carolina at home. Agreed, my friend. Denver at Tennessee. Denver's limping into Tennessee, and I think the Titans win this easy at home. See, I'm not sold on the Matt Hasselbeck experiment in Tennessee. I actually picked Denver to win this game. Then you got the 2-0 Houston going to the 1-1 Saints. And that's a huge battle. Those are two very good football teams. I do not see the Saints coming out of this thing 1-2. They win at home with Drew Brees. I agree. They will be 2-1 after this weekend. Detroit, who is also 2-0, goes to Minnesota, who's 0-2. And I think they, listen, this ain't your dad's Lions. This is a good Lion team now. I think they beat the heck out of the Vikings. Yeah, Tavares Jackson is not doing it. No, it's not Tavares Jackson. It's Donovan McNabb. He's not doing it for me in Minnesota. It's Detroit over Minnesota. This will shock everybody. I take the Giants over Philadelphia. I think that you got a banged up Michael Vick, and I think the Giants win on the road. Yeah, I have no confidence in Eli Manning. I took the Eagles. Yeah. Here's my shocker of the universe. Oh, wow. You didn't.

1:50:04Oh, yes, I did. I thought about it, but I didn't. Oh, yes, I did. You didn't. New England and Buffalo. Listen, it's an interdivisual rivalry that nine out of ten times New England's going to win. Here's the deal. The New England Patriots secondary ain't Tom Brady, okay? They're not as good as Tom Brady. They're not as good as the rest. In fact, if they got a weak point, it's their secondary. And I believe this Fitzgerald kid. Fitzpatrick plays with Bills. I think he's for real. I think he's going to exploit it, and I think they win at home. Okay. I also agree that Ryan Fitzpatrick is an absolute franchise quarterback right now. I know Stevie Johnson's a little banged up for Buffalo, so I took the Patriots in a safe pick. All right. Then you've got Miami going to Cleveland. I'm done betting on Miami. I think the sound machine could be, you know. The Miami Dolphins at this point. So I'm taking Cleveland at home. I picked Miami. I think they finally get their first win of the year against a very weak Cleveland Browns team. Niners going to Cincinnati. Battle of the one-on-ones. I'll take the Niners. I took the Niners as well. Jets. Lost a heartbreaker last week. Jets are going to Oakland. And I think too much firepower with the Jets. And a great defense. And they're a championship team. You know, championship ready.

1:51:16At least. I take the Jets on the road. You know, I don't agree with that statement. I don't think Mark Sanchez is there yet, but I do think they beat Oakland in Oakland. You hate Mark Sanchez. I don't. Let's just admit it. We shouldn't take the guy's pants off and feast on him just yet. He hasn't done anything. Baltimore at St. Louis. I take the road team in this one, as well as 95% of the rest of America. I say Baltimore wins in St. Louis. Yeah, I do not disagree with you, my friend. Kansas City at San Diego. There is no reason. that San Diego should lose this football game, and I don't believe they will. I think San Diego wins in a rout. I do too. Well, we'll read about it on Sunday night. Yeah, we can read about it Sunday. Come on, let's sell those tickets. Sell those tickets, please, so we can watch the game. Atlanta goes to Tampa Bay, and actually I think Josh Freeman's getting the job done. He's getting better and better, and even though Atlanta's as good as they are, I say Tampa wins at home. Matty Ice takes it to him, Atlanta. Green Bay goes to Chicago. depleted Bears defense. Aaron Rodgers is way too much for Chicago, even at home. I take Green Bay. Oh, 100%. Jay Cutler has been beat to hell the first two weeks of the season and is not going to get any better. He gets sacked, you know, more times than... Whatever. Whatever. Arizona at Seattle. Seattle's a terrible football team. Oh, yeah. I take Arizona. Arizona. Washington at Dallas. Sorry, Woods. I think Washington... Why? Sorry, Woods. Not because I know that you're from Dallas, but I take Grossman on a roll.

1:52:42Hooking up with his old college buddy, Jabbar Gaffney. And I say they win in Dallas. I think Dallas takes it to him. Romo had an inspirational comeback last week. And I think they're going to continue to roll. Pittsburgh at Indianapolis. For real? Seriously? Do we even have to say it? Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. All day. And then who was your survivor game? Who definitely wins? I said, and I may be very wrong about this, but I hadn't taken San Diego yet. So I took San Diego as a lock this week. San Diego does not lose to Kansas City this week. Count on it. Yeah, I took New England, actually. They will not lose to the Bills. That's our sure thing for this weekend. I take San Diego. Woodsy takes New England. How have we done? And by the way, if you want to do this, if you want to bet with us, you could do it real easily. Go to MikeyShow.com, and we got a pigskin pick-em up there that you could do this with us. Week one, I did terrible. I only won half my games. I got eight out of 16. I did better in week two. I got 13 out of 16 of the games correct. Good job. Woodsy, how about you? Week one, I was nine of 16 at a 56% clip, and then week two, not much better, 10 out of 16. All right. What's your overall percentage?

1:53:54Overall percentage is 65%. Look at you. I'm picking at 59%. All right. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, that is our picks for this week. When we come back, Levi Johnston said something creepy, if it's true. Got recaps to do that are great. And your phone calls at 570-194-9. Pop it in. And turn it on. Call now. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or text 949MIKEY at GCOM. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. Rocktoberfest returns to the streets of North Park. FM 94.9 presents Rocktoberfest. Supported by Bex. October 22nd, 30th and University. Featuring Everest. Featuring Everest. The Soft Pack. Dead Feather Moon. The Style Tones. Low Volts. And Heavy Guilt.

1:55:05Get tickets at FM949SD.com for 15 bucks. Lots of German food, German beer, and other stuff that Germans make that would be appropriate for a party. Rocktoberfest. For tickets and more info, log on to FM949SD.com. TV on the radio. Arctic Monkeys. Tomorrow night, open air theater at SDSU. TV on the radio's new album, Nine Types of Light, available now. Buy tickets now at LiveNation.com. Arctic Monkeys' new album, Suck It and See, available now. TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys live. Hey, gang, it's your old pals, Woodsy and L.O.B. We're a little slow on the uptake there, L.O.B. I guess so. How you doing?

1:56:00I'm good. It was not for lack of not being able to see the button. I just forgot to push it. Well, LOB and I, I went about a year and a half ago, about a year ago in July. LOB went a few weeks ago. We both got LASIK surgery, and we're both extremely happy with the results. I've got 2015. What do you got? I have 2015 as well. Yeah, so we are... We're pretty awesome if you ask us. Do a C-off or something. Yeah, we should. We should. We should definitely do a side-off on that, LLB. We'll get that together for you guys, you M1s. Heard from an M1 that recently went in and said thank you guys so much. It has changed her life. It's changed my life. It's changed LLB's life. It's been incredible. Give Clearview a call today, 858-452-3937, or... Go online at www.clearvieweyes.com. And what do they do, LLB, when they call or go online? You can get a free consultation, which they'll do a thorough exam, see if you're a good candidate, check up on your eyes, see what's going on, and they'll leave no stone unturned. That's right. It's awesome. It's Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act.

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1:58:07That's because the 2011 lineup of Mercedes-Benz vehicles is the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class. Take the C300 sports sedan, a rare combination of luxurious refinement and racing pedigree. Its agility control suspension lets it handle with precision, even when driven hard. See your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer about the 2011 C300 sports sedan, and you'll discover that for 125 years, Mercedes-Benz has also been synonymous with value. Lease the 2011 C300 sports sedan. and IIHS Top Safety Pick for just $349 a month for 33 months with $3,894 due at signing. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through September 30, 2011. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. It's funny how most furniture ads say 30% off, 40%, even half price. So the same bedroom set would cost double if you paid their regular price. At Jerome's, I don't double prices yesterday to give you half off today. I give you my absolute lowest price every day. So my solid mahogany vineyard queen bed that looks like it belongs in a fashion magazine wasn't $12.99 and won't be $10.99. It was and is my lowest and best price of just $6.99 every day. That's Jerry's price, only at Jerome's.

1:59:29Big things are happening at Bob Baker Mazda Car Country Carlsbad. The new 2012 Mazda 3s are now available with extended term 0% financing. Then there's 2011 Mazda CX-9s with extended term 0% financing and a $500 rebate. It's on your approved credit and 0% creates a very affordable monthly payment. For everything Mazda, there's only one place, and that's Bob Baker Mazda and relaxing Car Country Carlsbad or anytime at BobBakerMazda.com. Mom, I want to be a pilot. Is it tough? It's not easy. You could do it. Study hard, go to a good school, never skip your math homework. Piece of cake. Oh, yeah? But can you finish those carrots for your pilot's vision? I'd rather do my math homework. Thought so. There's a moment when an activity becomes an accomplishment, and when that moment comes for your child, you want to be ready. The ScholarShare Plan, California's official 529 plan, can help your kids reach their potential. It's a careful, consistently maintained college savings program, and your earnings are federal and California state income tax-free when used for qualified higher education expenses. For more information, visit ScholarShare.com or call 800-544- Maybe it's the $5 Friday deals at Vons. Ready meals, healthy snacks, you never know what amazing $5 Friday deals Vons will bring you each week.

2:00:43Like today, 12-ounce waterfront bistro marinated and encrusted tilapia fillets are just $5 each, selected varieties. Look for other $5 Friday deals in the Vons Circular, then hurry in. And while you're here, pick up these Vons Club specials. Three-pound containers of red seedless grapes are only $5 each. Lucerne Chunk Cheese is just $5 each, 32-ounce size, selected varieties. And Safeway Select Coffee is only $5 each, selected varieties. Don't miss our three-day sale going on now through Sunday with fantastic savings for the weekend and all week long. And remember to get your flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary and you'll get 10% off your groceries. It's all this weekend at Vons. Ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. This report is brought to you by Applebee's. Applebee's two for 20 bucks. It's back fresher than ever. Try new chicken fettuccine carbonara or new bruschetta chicken. Get one appetizer, two entrees, all for just 20 bucks.

2:01:43Well, let's see what's going on here. We've got stuff in the middle of the road in the 5 northbound after the 8, a ladder in the middle lanes. Also, a box truck is blocking things in Lakeside, the 8 westbound after Los Coches Road. Then the 805 southbound at 43rd Street, there's a car stuck. It's still at the top of that off-ramp. This report brought to you by UnitedHealthcare of California. You want what's right for your employees to help your employees and business grow healthy. Talk to your broker about UnitedHealthcare of California and UnitedHealthcare Insurance Company. Learn more at growhealthy.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I don't know why it's not hard to try. Keep that in mind. I'm resigned as prior to explain in due time. All I know. Hey, we got Mikey Show Live in here. Let's make some noise. Yeah. A good audience. On Fridays, we do Mikey Show Live from 8 to 10. And Monday through Thursday, it's from 9 to 10. And so if you want to be a part of our live studio audience, all you got to do is go to our website, fill out a little form, and bingo, bambo, you're in. It's real easy.

2:03:24Let's see. So, Woodsy, former CEO of, I believe, Google. Meg Whitman, she was running for governor. eBay. eBay. She was running for governor. She just got named yesterday the new CEO of Hewlett-Packard, who's in trouble. They just laid off a whole bunch of people, ended their whole tablet division. They were trying to start the tablet. and realized it wasn't working out, and so they stopped, and they had to fire a bunch of people, and she's in. They're like female CEOs over there at HB. Yeah, they do. Carly something or other before that? Carly Simon. Yes, I believe it was Carly Simon. What's going on in sports? Hey, I've got a rhetorical for you. Do the Cincinnati Bengals ever get in trouble? There was a report yesterday that Jerome Simpson, who is a wide receiver for the Bengals, Mike, there were two and a half pounds of marijuana delivered to his home. He was there with his teammate, Anthony Collins, and the cops came in and swooped in on the house and found packaging materials, scales, and smoking devices. Are you kidding? They're setting this house up. Some chicken wings, some, you know, he loves orange soda. So they delivered it to his house. Yeah, they were delivering it to his front door, and as soon as they accepted, it was actually a woman accepted the package. Yeah, hello?

2:04:47Hi, we have two pounds of marijuana. Oh, thank you very much. I'm sorry. Waiting for this. It's two and a half. Two and a half. Should be two and a half. That was the deal. We couldn't fit the whole two and a half, so we have another truck that will be here in half an hour with the other half. Is there a diver here? Yes, there's somebody behind me jumping off a dive. Actually, Greg Louganis is jumping off a diving board right behind me. So, you know, who knows what's going to happen to these guys, but not... The smartest of criminals. And also, if you're a big NBA fan, this is not going to be your year, it looks like. They are already close to canceling training camps, which start October 3rd, and preseason games, which start October 9th. They are in day 85 of the NBA lockout. Oh, wow. Yeah. It doesn't mean a lot to me because I'm not a huge NBA guy, but I know a lot of people are. They can go ahead and lock out. I'd be okay with that. You know, I think I would be, too. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, I wouldn't even watch that. I fell asleep during a meeting yesterday. It's a true statement. I felt bad. Woods videotaped it. Thank you. We tried everything. We did. We woke you up 15 times. I was on that beanbag. Be careful, guys. I was exhausted, and I fell asleep.

2:06:05And Woods was setting off alarms. Blowing flutes. Blowing flutes. We were pushing drops. By we, I mean Jay, while Hillary was on the air. The board turned back on somehow. So on the air yesterday was, ah, it's killing me. It's killing me. During a Silver Sun pickup song or something. Oh, boy. Just unbelievable. We would stop and we would look at you. Just look at you. We'd be silent. And stare at you. See if you were just going to wait and open back up. And get real freaked out. No, you were snoring. Yeah. Deep sleep. Deep breath. What made it even funnier was we just had a conversation about Mikey-thon and that there was no sleeping during Mikey-thon. That's right. Yeah. Well, I'm still okay. It wasn't Mikey-thon. You're right. Check. No, I was wrong. I might have just earned myself a five-minute cat-knife. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's a cat-knife? You did not win. Love a cat-knife. You didn't win anything. You've got to stay awake. I might have. We all got to stay awake during Mikey-thon. Apparently not.

2:07:10Whoever knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding. You know what I wish? I wish that people had heard Jay and the stuff about the Chargers that he was like. As we were wrapping up the show yesterday, Jay's like, who cares about the football anyway? Nobody even likes football. Nobody likes football. We were like, what? Oh, my gosh. Not a fan. You're the one. You're the one. Let me tell you. This week. He is on one. He says, and I love how he throws out, he'll throw these ideas out that are crazy as long as they aren't involving him. He goes, all right, I got an idea to raise money for charity for Macathon. Hey, Woods. Hey, Wood. Hey, Wood. Hey, Wood. Why don't we put you on the corner of Friars and Frazee and dress you like Chaz Bono? Well, you already dressed like Chaz Bono. And then we'll have you hold a sign that says, vote with me on Dancing with the Stars. I'm Chaz Bono. And we all looked at Jay like, you cruel, cruel monster. And that was his reaction. You don't look like Chaz Bono. That was his reaction. Apparently, I look identical to Chaz. And you know, dude, I didn't say it yesterday, but it's so mean. I wouldn't do that.

2:08:34I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that for anything. There was no way. For anything, dude. Do it for charity. Do it for charity. Do it for the kids. He's already doing the fryer's cut in his head if we raise more money in the last year. I would have intercourse with Cher before I would stand on that street corner. I'd have intercourse with Sonny Bono before I'd stand on that street corner. Is that too soon? Yes. Well, yeah, he's not alive. Is that too soon? It's too soon. Dude, I would sleep with the guy Cher dated, the hot dog king, Larry Hortensky. Larry Hortensky. The hot dog king of Chicago. The hot dog guy was... I don't remember who the hot dog guy was. It was Larry Hortensky. It was not. It's Larry Fortensky. I thought it was Hortensky. No, it's Larry Hortensky. It's Larry Hort... Or fine, Larry Fortensky. I'd sleep with that guy before I'm going on the corner of Friars and Friars. Cher didn't date Larry Fortensky. It's the young guy. The young guy. The hot dog guy. Yeah, the hot dog guy was not Larry Fortensky. Am I right? No. No? Great. Nobody knows. No, that's right. That's a reference that I don't get. It isn't, Woods. You're wrong. No, I'm not. L-O-B? Yes. Look it up on Larry Fortensky. I'll bet you a dollar.

2:09:57Larry Fortensky, and I'm seeing who he dated. Will you stand on the street corner? What? If I'm wrong? Yes. Why do you want me to? Are you a sadist? You're a sadist. Come on, Woods. Look, you're right. You're right. You're right. Remember, Woods? You're right. If I'm wrong, yeah, I'll do it. If I'm wrong, but I'm not wrong, it's Larry Hortensky. It's Fortensky. Larry Fortensky. Look, Larry Fortensky. I looked up. Larry Fortensky dated, and a lot of stuff on Elizabeth Taylor. It was Elizabeth Taylor. That's who it was. S-word. It was Elizabeth Taylor. He did say he would do it. It was Elizabeth Taylor. He said he would do it if he was wrong. S-word. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. He said you did. I'm not doing it. Roll the tape. I never said I would do it. You did say you would. No, I didn't. Did he say yes? I'm not doing that. You did say you did. Come on, Chaz. Larry Fortens, make sure. I think it was Liz Taylor. Who's the young guy? Who knows this stuff? I don't know. It was a hot dog guy. He was like a young guy. He was like Sly Stallone. Call in, M1s. I think I'm right. Maybe. Is the internet ever wrong? You're wrong. The internet's wrong sometimes. M1s, call in. Rob Camilletti? Yeah, Rob Camilletti!

2:11:00That's what I said. That's what I said. Cher dated Rob in the first headline. Cher dated Rob Cameron. That's what I said. Larry Hortensky. I never said I would. You did. I swear you did. You did, dude. I don't want to make you do that. Just make him do it. He said he'd do it. You said he would do it in a very flippant. You said you would rather. No, he said he would do it if he was wrong. Why don't you shut up? He said he would do it if he was wrong. Why do you bet stuff? Because I'm an idiot. Really? I just gambled that on Larry Hortensky. Hortensky. Three people know who that is anyway. Larry Hortensky. Do you want to go out there now? He was married to Elizabeth Taylor. I can get Chris to make a couple signs up. I don't want to make him do that. He needs an outfit anyway. You didn't say it. He's got the outfit on. He said it, but he didn't mean it. He's wearing the Chaz. I don't look like Chaz. Oh, no. You don't look like Chaz. Your boobs are bigger. We had to strap them down. Chase, stop. He doesn't look like Chaz. Well, in the interest of, you know, being honest.

2:12:13If I have to do it, I will do it because I said I would do it. But I'll do it if you want me to. I want you to. Why do you say things? I don't know. I'm done. I'm done giving everything. I'm done. You get nothing from me. Even I'm telling you, don't. You can get some sports headlines and that's it. What will he do? What do I have to do? It's a stupid idea. No, it's actually a funny idea. It's a great idea. It's terrible. It's mean. I'll get you a tank top. I've got a picture here. It's a tank top. A life beater. We'll draw. There's a cross on Chaz's arm. We'll draw a cross on there. We'll get you a big sign. We'll make some signs for M1s. He has like a chin strap, too. Let's go out on Monday. Wow. Monday at 730. Jay, you don't just make stuff up. If you did the same thing, we'd give you a break. I would make him do it. I would make him do it. And I would pitch. You know me. I would pitch a fit if you didn't make him do it. I'll do it. I don't care. You don't care. Don't I care? I'm sweating. Because when I said it yesterday, when he said it yesterday, you flipped out for a good reason. I didn't flip out that bad. Your face hit the chair. Yeah, it was more defeated. And we said, that's...

2:13:23Jacked. That's jacked up. You're doing it for the kids, dude. It's mean to chat. We're doing it for the kids. We're like, no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. Well, I'm not raising any money, so I'm doing it for your enjoyment. We'll put a hat on the ground. Yeah, why is it for the kids? Yeah, whose kids are we talking about? Your kids? Yeah, I'm doing my kids. Yeah, I don't know that you're actually doing it for any kind of car. We'll start raising funds for Children's Hospital. How about we put a text number to where you can donate with his sign? There you go. There you go. What's he? Come on. Fine, I'll do it. Oh, my gosh. You ask and you shall receive. I screwed up. You're going to hold a sign that says, vote for me on Dancing with the Stars. I'm Chaz Bono. I think that's redundant. I think I look enough like Chaz to put that on there. You have to wear a fat suit, too. No, he's good. He's got it on already. Do you know what Jay did? Jay wrote a song about me called Crap Dad. Then he wrote a song about Woods. called Every Bite You Take. Then he wrote a song about L.O.B. called I'm a Single Lady. Always. Always. Always. Always a single lady. Always a single lady. Guess who he wrote a song about now. Who do you think he wrote a song about now? Guess. Anybody got a guess? Garrett. You're right. Little Angel. Look at Chris. Look at poor Chris. Chris is like, me? Oh, he's mad.

2:14:54Me? Chris is mad. Oh, poor baby. Is the door closed? I don't blame him. Close that door. Chris is a little angel. He sits in another room. He answers phone calls. He minds his own business. He doesn't do anything. He's the nicest guy in the world. His voice box is not capable of saying mean words. There's a block on it. How can you attack this guy? How could you attack poor Chris? Y'all don't see what I see, which is nothing. I just attack him. Listen, he's like one of my kids. If I don't tell him he sucks, he won't do better. You're telling that to Finn for 19 years. That's right, and he does better every time. Chris, I had nothing to do with this. Nor did I. Nor did I. I didn't know until 30 seconds ago. He's mad. I did. I did. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Come on, Chris. You got this. Oh, wow. Chris wants to make it in her wilderness. Doesn't know just what to do. Oh, my gosh. Didn't know how long he could last, but he's hoping to. Oh, my gosh. He had beats, was complete. He'd been teased. They were swollen blue. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Mikey.

2:16:21Yeah, she copped a feel and his mind blew. Oh, my God. Chris the Virgin. Oh, wow. Touched for the very first time. Oh, my gosh. Chris the Virgin. Oh, my gosh. Need some love and double touch. Chris needs all your love and his tears are falling fast. Oh, my God. Ben's saving all his love. He's about to blast. He's so fine. Biggest laugh game from Jim. Straight behind. Makes him long. Yeah, it makes him ball. Yeah, his pants stick out. Yeah, his pants stick out. Have a look and be bold. Chris the Virgin.

2:17:24Touch for the very first time. Big ice time. Chris the Virgin. Of course it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Get rid of that, Chris. Do you do one headphone on? A virgin. Oh my gosh. But he's a virgin. He's not. I mean, we don't even do that. Come on, Chris. Chris. Oh. Nice. That is typical. So now Chris has to answer calls when people comment on his virgin song. Hey, thank you for calling the Mikey Show. Hey, that was hilarious. Are you really a virgin? Oh, my God. Chris. No, I'm not. What's your name? Oh, my gosh. That was so funny. My name's M1 Likes That Chris Is A Virgin. Okay, M1 Likes That Chris Is A Virgin. Where are you from? Does it matter? Oh, that was hilarious. Turn your radio down.

2:18:27Put it from Jay Nation. That's where I'm from. That's where I'm from. Put that. Okay. So this is, I like that Chris is a virgin from Jay Nation. That's right. And you want to say that you liked the song. I loved it. It was the funniest thing Jay's ever done. Great. Which is pretty much the funniest thing in the world. Please turn your radio down. All right. You got it, man. M1, Dino. From San Diego. Hey, what's up, guys? By the way, this call was just screened by Chris. Chris, yes. Go ahead. You guys, man, that was hilarious. Thank you. Weird. Identical. You must be a member of the flock. The flock. The Jaybirds. Yeah, the Jaybirds. Definitely. But I'm cruising down the three-way, and I mean, just tears are just rolling. It's so cruel. Yeah. Hey, you guys ought to get somebody to put that into real music and then put it on, man. That's hilarious. What do you mean by real music? Maybe a real singer. Oh, yeah, like a real singer? You know, like get a girl to sing that song. Well, here's the problem. Thank you for the call. Here's the problem with Jay's songs.

2:19:46Sometimes Jay will try to put a lot of words into a very short space. He's got to get a lot in there. He's got to get a lot in there, so he'll just sort of throw it all in. Chris wants to make it in her wilderness. Oh, my God. Case in point. That's a rough one. Yes. He wants to make it in her wilderness. The words are, I made it through the wilderness. Right, you had to get wilderness in there. I'll make it work. I can do it. Just give me a second. Why didn't you say Chris made it through the wilderness? I did. It doesn't make any sense. No, you gotta throw her in there. You gotta put her in there. Chris made it through her wilderness. I did say that, dummy. What the heck did you not hear that I did? I did that. Okay, maybe I didn't do it as eloquent as you did. You got this. Chris wants to make it in her wilderness. Because he didn't make it through yet. He wants to. He wants to. Gosh, what part of virgin don't you understand, Mike? You know Mary from the Bible. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. He's been saving all his love. He's about to bless. Yeah, we got those references. We got it. Thank you. He's been teased. Oh, my gosh. He's reading his own lyrics, and it's killing him. Killing him.

2:21:11It's killing him. He'll be driving home later today. He'll think of his own lyrics. That was a good one. I can't wait to tell my dyer about this. Oh, my gosh. Let's see. What a legend. L.O.B. surprised all of us this morning by telling us that she watched Precious last night. Yes. Bald her eyes out. Feel good. It's a feel good comedy of the year. Really makes her appreciate she says what you have and how different life could have turned out for you. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't seen it. You guys are in here complaining about your toast and whatnot, and I was like, you go watch Precious. That'll give us some perspective. That's right. I haven't seen it, and I heard it's great. It's so sad. That's the deal. I don't want to watch it because I know it'll make me sad. I like watching it because she was not an actress. She was just, you know, her mother was like a subway singer. How'd she get that? Her mother was at the casting, and then she knew that they were looking for a big girl. That's a nice way to say that. I like that. They're looking for a big girl. I wonder how they advertise that. We're looking for a big girl? Yes. I wonder if they said that. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Lay off me. I'm starving. It's probably too soon. They said they're looking for a big guy. I don't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? Wow. You're fat. All right.

2:22:38Hot, high-paying careers. Radio DJ. Mechanical engineer, $73,000 a year. After you have three years experience. Software developer, $82,000 a year. After you have four years experience. Financial analyst, $62,000 a year. After three. Electrical engineer, not bad. $87,000. You've got to be real smart. Four years. A web developer, $60,900 after three years. Manufacturing engineer, $73,900. What's that? That's after five years, by the way. Project engineer on construction, $69,200 after three. Make some good money in construction, pal. Yeah, that's what I heard. Employment recruiter woods. Woods. Yeah. I'm actually on the radio now. $55,000 after three years. I did way better than that. And how long did you work there?

2:23:41I was in recruiting for two years straight. Financial advisor. They can make $93,000 after they've been doing it for four years. It just depends. Radio was nowhere near that. Radio was like nowhere in the stratosphere of that after working three years in radio. 570-1949 is our number. We'll get to Jay's recap in a minute. Let's hear it in our live studio audience Mikey Show Live of the Year. More from the Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. This is the FM Enhancer County. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out like tonight.

2:24:53Two good ones. Lady Tron at House of Blues or the Mother Hips play the belly up tonight. Tomorrow night, FM 94.9 presents TV on the radio with Arctic Monkeys. That's at the Open Air Theater. And next week on the 27th, Bush hit 4th and B. On the 30th, Portugal the Manor at House of Blues. And Peter, Bjorn, and John will play the belly up also on the 30th. You can see Blink-182 at Cricket Wireless on October 6th. Blitz and Trapper with Dawes at the belly up October 9th and October 10th. about the music show at the belly up with the pains of being pure at heart. That one is only $6. Ryan Adams in town on the 11th and still to come, the naked and famous Foo Fighters, Manchester Orchestra, Boxer Rebellion, City in Color, Black Joe Lewis, Company of Thieves, Morrissey, Peter Murphy, and Dinosaur Jr. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. GoPhone Unlimited. The reason that they call it the GoPhone Unlimited is because you get unlimited talk, text, and the web, and it's only $50 a month. So it's guaranteed. You pay that price every single month, and you don't have to deal with an annual contract, and you also don't have to deal with a credit check. It just works. And it's a great phone. It's the Pantec P7040P. It's a good phone. And you're going to love it.

2:26:19Get on there and talk as much as you want. Text your friends as much as you want and use the web. So it's got all those services and it's only 50 bucks. Now, here's the way that you can do it. You can go into your AT&T store and just ask about it. Say, hey, I heard on the Mikey show they got this deal where you don't have to have an annual contract or a credit check and I want that phone. They'll set you up. You can also call 1-800-GO-PHONE or you can do it online if you want to, att.com slash go. Eligible device and minimum account balance required. Data package required for smartphones. Coverage not available everywhere. Other restrictions and conditions apply. See store for details. That's the sound of the Jeep celebration event. And just what are we celebrating? Well, Jeep Grand Cherokee is the most awarded SUV ever. And the 2012 Jeep Wrangler has an all-new powertrain with improved performance and fuel economy. With a refined, quiet interior and best-in-class maneuverability and ground clearance, it's the most capable Jeep Wrangler ever. And with some great deals, we expect a lot of sparks to fly. The Jeep Celebration Event, featuring the newest lineup of trail-rated SUVs.

2:27:26Now get 0% APR financing for 60 months or 1,000 cash allowance on the 2011 Jeep Wrangler and Wrangler Unlimited at your SoCal Jeep dealer. EPA estimated fuel economy 17 city and 21 highway for Wrangler two-door. Actual results may vary based on Ward's vehicle segmentation when properly equipped. 0% APR financing for 60 months equals $16.67 per month for 1,000 financed for well-qualified buyers regardless of down payment when financed through Ally. Not all buyers will qualify. Residency restriction supply offers in 1031. Jeep is a registered trademark of Chrysler Group, LLC. Schedules winding down, but the baseball season continues with exciting playoff action. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show is your source for expanded pennant race coverage and the best Chargers reporting anywhere in San Diego. And, of course, we've set up camp at Montezuma Mesa for exciting Aztecs action all season long. The Saquon Casino Post Game Show, weeknights at 10 beginning in October on Channel 4 San Diego. Baseball action continues exclusively on Channel 4 San Diego as the Padres host their series with the Dodgers, 6.30 Friday. From the scrapbooks to the clubhouse, go behind the headlines and sports pages and get to know the real people who don the Padres uniform. Join me, Jane Mitchell, on One on One, only on Channel 4 San Diego. There's a rumor that San Diego is home to one of the most brilliant, insightful, and educational culinary TV shows ever created. And then there's my show.

2:28:47But it's big in taste and small in effort. Sam the Cooking Guy, Sundays at 5.30 and 7 p.m., only on Channel 4 San Diego. This is Dan Tullis, and I just called Joel Clark, one of Select Quote Insurance Services' term life agents. Hi, Mr. Tullis. Joel, how does Select Quote save you money on term life insurance? Well, by the way, you take antidepressants or you smoke. All insurance companies are going to price that differently. We'll impartially shop all the companies we represent to find you the best price. Can you give me an example? Sure. I just got a man 40 years old who takes blood pressure medication, a $1,000 policy with a high-end insurance company. Call 1-800-300-5148 and see how affordable term life insurance can be. That's 1-800-300-5148. 1-800-300-5148. Or go to selectquote.com. We shop, you save.

2:29:45Get full details on the example policy at selectquote.com slash commercials. Your price could vary depending on your health, issuing company, and other factors. Not available in all states. I'm one degree away from moving up. American Public University offers a quality online education. I'm one degree away from making myself more valuable. American Public University is affordable. I'm one degree away from learning more. American Public University has more than 75 undergraduate and graduate degrees. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about one of the best values in online education, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. And this is Ethel Herbert, Your Majesty. Ethel was in charge of catering for today's garden party. We very much enjoyed your cucumber sandwiches. How does one go about making those? Frank's Red Hot Sauce, Your Majesty. I put that on everything. I say. Frank's Red Hot Sauce goes on anything. Its aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to tacos, pizza, wings, pasta, chicken, steaks, chili, even one's cucumber sandwiches. Frank's Red Hot. I put that on everything. TV on the radio. Arctic Monkeys. Tomorrow night, open air theater at SDSU. TV on the radio's new album, Nine Types of Light, available now. Buy tickets now at LiveNation.com.

2:31:14Arctic Monkeys new album, Suck It and See, available now. TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys live. September still means summer in Southern California. That means more time with friends, more fun, more parties. And nothing makes a get-together legendary like the smooth taste of Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Serve it at your next party as an ice-cold shot. Or enjoy a fantastic Cuervo Silver Margarita. An experience of taste so smooth, it shatters expectations. Jose Cuervo Silver Tequila. Stay smooth. Drink responsibly. Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2011. Imported and bottled by Foodline. Norwalk, Connecticut. Under licensed with a trademark owner. Jose Cuervo Especial is a registered trademark of tequila. We'll be right back.

2:31:56We know you want ultimate performance, so now BMW Encinitas is making it easier to drive a new BMW. Through Sunday, lease a new 2011 328i sedan for only $279 a month plus tax. Fully equipped with leather, alloy wheels, and much more. Or get 1.9% APR financing for a limited term with approved above average credit. And with BMW also picking up your first four years or 50,000 miles maintenance, you'll save thousands over the life of your BMW. Hurry in to get a 328. for only $279 a month during the ultimate performance event. Now through Sunday at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. Maintenance plan, terms and conditions available. See store for details. Five of this offer. 24-month lease. 4129 total due at signing. Zero security deposit. 20 cents per excess mile over 20,000 miles with approved above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offers end 93011. This report, it's brought to you by Applebee's. Applebee's, two for 20 bucks. It's back fresher than ever. Try new chicken fettuccine carbonara, new bruschetta chicken. Get one appetizer, two entrees, all for just 20 bucks. Well, we've got a box that's causing some issues here on the 5 southbound before the 94, and it's not just a...

2:33:10cardboard box. It's a big wooden box in the right lane. National City, the 805 southbound 43rd Street. We had a stalled out vehicle. They just cleared that from the top of the off-ramp. And a box truck is causing some delays on the 8 westbound after Los Coches Road. This report also brought to you by the California Lottery with a Mega Millions jackpot at $86 million. You've got 86 million reasons to play. Drawings are every Tuesday and Friday. Mega Millions from the California Lottery. Imagine what a buck could do. I'm Stacey. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. When I used to be on the radio and my name was Michael Shannon. And I wore suspenders. Woods. Don't lie to me, do you lie to girls, okay? You don't lie to me. Lauren. Yellow means speed up. Yep. Yellow means hurry up and go. And Jay. So what if I like to surf every day? On FM 94.9. So what? If Kim can't get enough of me. So what if I've got stamina? But we never questioned your stamina. So what? Or Kim. But we didn't say anything. So what if I'm a role model? But we didn't say that you weren't. You're thinking it. I never... I'm looking at your face. I can tell you're thinking... It's all over your eyes. Okay, I'll get them all over with because I can see it in your face. Okay. Like, so what? I like to surf. We never said it. So what? I'm a climber. I never questioned you. Yes. So what? I eat healthy, okay?

2:35:05I can build anything. I didn't doubt you. So what? People always think I'm younger than I am. Okay, I believe it. Just in case you doubted me, you weasel. I don't. I'm not doubting you. Don't call me a weasel. So what? So what if I like to surf every day? I was looking at trampolines yesterday, thinking about Jay. And they have those in-ground trampolines. They look awesome. All right? Jay says, and I know he's not kidding, and there's no way in a million years I'd take him up on it because I'd have to help. No, you wouldn't. As a matter of fact, I'd prefer you didn't help. You're telling me that if I got the stuff, you would make the trampoline. Sure. Why? It's fun. Would you accept payment? The exact opposite of fun. Would you request payment? How much? How much? How about you just give an act to go for dinner? Hey, listen.

2:36:07Whatever you feel is... 2,000. Whatever you feel... Throw some barbecue on the grill. So you want something? No, just we'll eat. We'll eat together. We'll break bread. Jay, how would you dig the hole? Oh, I'm not going to dig the hole. I said I'd put the trampoline together. Okay. You're going to have to get a crew. There's no way. Our place, there's no way. In fact, I got an email from a guy. In case you're thinking about the trampoline bit, okay? You've heard us talking about the trampoline? The dug-in one. The dug-in trampoline. So that the top of the trampoline is pretty almost flush with the ground, right? Right. They are awesome. They are awesome. Here's what I'm going to warn you, because I got an email from a guy that does construction type stuff. Right. He knows this family. They bought a house way out in the middle of nowhere because they wanted to get a house for cheap. Bought a house for $60,000, okay? Because it was way out in Alpine. And they got a killer house. Only 60 grand. And it was pretty nice. At the end of the day, it cost them over $300,000 for said house. Now, still, that's a steal. When you consider what houses cost. But they were like, they went from having a $60,000 house to having a $300,000 house. Why? Because they started to dig and they hit rocks. And rock. And what they didn't tell them was that if they hit rock, they were going to charge them extra.

2:37:33to excavate, blah, blah, blah. And they were into it. And so they got juiced. And it ended up costing 300 grand. Well, I can tell you, our entire home is built on rock. In fact, when we started to, they planted trees and stuff. We picked the trees that we wanted for our place. And one of the trees was not healthy. And so I was like, huh. So I went out there and I took just a regular little hand shovel. Like a hoe. Three inches, dude. Three inches under the soil. Rocks. This is what they did. It was like they took a spoon and they grazed the top of the soil, stuck the tree there, and put soil over it. What about the pool, though? The pool, they had to get a hobie, you know, the cat. You know, those cat, caterpillar, whatever. And they came back there and they started digging. They hit a spring. They hit an underground spring. But it was all rock. You could do a trampoline, too, where you just build kind of a deck around it. It's not at ground level, but still you have a real safe environment for the kids. It's kind of cool. By the way, I haven't had any conversation with Rebecca, my wife, about any of this. She hasn't mentioned it? Not at all. I'm sure she's purposely avoiding it. Yeah, I would like it to be a Christmas gift for the boys. They would love it. They would freak out. It's a great gift. You could fit a little bobcat in your backyard. Probably dig. They did. Yeah.

2:38:59They did. The problem is that it's rock. And so they're going to charge you an arm and a leg because it's rock. Just do the regular trampoline that everybody does with the nether. Yeah, just do it. It's fun. I'm just afraid of it getting wet by the sprinklers every day. It's not going to hurt it. It's out in the rain. They have them on the East Coast where there's a lot more precipitation. It's fine. Let's see. This is M1 Mexicant from IB. What was the word of the day? Weasel. That's correct. That's awesome. Can you get Rebecca on the line? Absolutely. Thank you very much, Mexicant. Yesterday, I was a repo guy. You were who? Oh, repo guy. Repo guy. Right on, brother. Right on. Hey, thanks. You won word of the day. You're going to front row, bro. You're going to be front row seats for Arctic Monkeys and TV on the radio. Hang on the line, okay? Sure. All right, hang on. We will try to get my lovely wife on the line.

2:40:01I will ask her if we can have a trampoline. The answer will be no. Yes, 100%. I'll try to guilt. I will, too. I'll help her. I will help, too. You'll all help? Oh, yeah. We're on your side on this one. My aunt, growing up, she had a pool, and she had the trampoline, just like Jay's house, and it was the fun house. Yeah, it's the best. All the little nieces and nephews wanted to go there. My wife is the voice of reason. It doesn't matter. We'll be number one, okay? We'll be winning. We'll be doing great. My wife goes, what if they fire you? Now, she has a legitimate point. She has. Now, hang on. This is not her first rodeo. So she has seen her husband say things on the air in the old days that have gotten me fired. Well, she's also seen her husband say nothing. Yes. And then get fired. Yes, that is true as well. She's been there for that. So she's a little gun shy, and she wants to store away nuts for the winter. Smart. I get it. I understand it. So in order for me to be able to get certain things, I need help. You got it. You got it on this one. We're here for you. Oh, she's not answering. Even I'm on your side for this one. Yeah. And you know how much L.O.B. hates you. So, I mean, that's like... I'm winning her over every day. Usually, Rebecca and I think very much alike. By very much alike.

2:41:29You mean exactly. Yeah. Identical. Yeah, identical. Where is she, Jay? She's not answering. Well, she tried a different number. We tried both phones. Wow. I should try another. Hold on a second. Oh, I should try our phones. Yeah. I'll call her from my cell. She always answers. Oh, boy. Well, I bought her a Go phone. 50 bucks a month. Mike don't know about it. I had no idea. She surfed the web, text me every once in a while. My wife, Kim, wonders, what is that different cell phone you have? I said, oh, my... Mike made me get it. Casey has to get a hold of me during emergencies. He calls it the bat phone. I don't know why. There it goes. I have one button. I send it. She knows it's time to get silly. It's time to get weird. Time to get weird. Real weird. Hey, Mike.

2:42:30Put it this way. You don't know what weird is. That's why we have the phones in the first place. You don't know what weird is. I know weird. You think me acting like a police dog sniffing around my fake dead wife is weird? You don't even know. That's tame, Mike. It's child's play. Child's play. Literally, I played it as a kid. Yeah, I first started playing police dog when I was 14. Now I've worked my way up to attack dog. 5701949 is our number. So Jay says he's getting his Halloween decorations out yesterday. Slightly early. A month and a week early. That's time. You're that guy. I have more stuff for Halloween than I do for any other holiday. Bog machines. That's a sign of a creep. That is a true mark. Skeletons, bones, full coffins. Jane Gum. Yeah. He had more stuff for Halloween than any other holiday. That's so weird. I don't know. I love it. For some reason, a little kid's banging on my door. It's awesome. Hey, listen. The last week of September is my favorite time of year. It takes me, literally, I had to get one of those pods.

2:43:58From my driveway. It says Jame on it. And I would literally get phone calls from the company and they'd be like, Jame, we're bringing your pod over. Get so excited. You're very excited. He's that guy. Listen to this. He says, I started pulling the spider web up out when He put up when Kim walked out and shook her head and turned and walked right back into the house. Yes, I would do the same. Little did she know that I already had the huge inflatable bat and spider ready to go up on our roof. I guess I'll have to wait till next weekend to put them up. Bummer. Why do you have to wait? She gave me the look. It's too early. It's just a little bit. It is. We're going to be busy with Mikey-thon. I thought, here we go. I can start getting it all done. Jay likes to scare people. He's that guy. The haunted house. He's the dark house that you go to trick-or-treat. Your kid's five, just wants to get a Snickers. That's it. Ends up peeing their pants. Our street is busy because of me. They all come because they want to be scared. Disclaim to fame. Scary guy on the block. One time I actually...

2:45:25Cut myself. Literally. Just so it was real. One time, I was the spider in the web, and I would just come down, yep. Yep. Yank up kids. At one point, we had 20 neighbors that would all come to our house, and you would walk all the way around the house, chainsaw with the guy by the pool. My goodness. Scary as all get up. It was scary. My chainsaw fell in the pool that year, though. It's got to be safe. Think that guy got a receipt in the mail? Yeah. Your chainsaw fell in the pool? Yes. How? The girl that was pulling it, pulled it and threw it at the same time. She went, ring! Into the pool. That's what you get for letting a woman handle the power. Fair enough. You should know better. You should have them handing out the candy, Jen. Or making something in the kitchen. This is here at home. She's like, I don't know what. Babe, this is an... Isbell Productions. It's handwritten. Isbell Productions. Isbell Productions. What's that?

2:46:25Babe, did we have a bill for $350 for something called a Bosch chainsaw from Isbell? What's Isbell Productions? It says VP Jay Isbell, President Kim Isbell. It says that we're late with the payment. And it's handwritten, which I think is weird. I typed that. Oh, that is fantastic. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my wife is online. Yes. My wife is on the line. Hello, my darling. Wait a minute. Oh, boy. Honey, are you there? Oh, wait. Hi, are you there? Are you there? Hi. I couldn't hear you for a second. How are you, my love? I'm good. How are you? We called you a lot. I meant to tell... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No, no, no, no. I was inside school. Got it. And my phone was in the car. Got it. Do you know what we were talking about? I do not know. Do not know. We have been listening to... Jeff and Jerob. DSC. DSC. She's like, well, we're listening to the show. It's the show Friday, and I love what they do. They're great. They're great. She's like, I like them better ever since that guy left. Babe. Stop it. No, we were listening to Yo Gabba Gabba. Got it. Weird. Well, the reason that we were calling is because, and I think that you will be delighted to hear,

2:47:56I would like to do something for our kids. Your family. Yes. Yes. Let's do it for the kids. Dad of the year. That's right. Somehow I feel like I'm being set up. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Nope, this is a Christmas thing. Which, as you know, is Jesus' birthday. So, that's as you know. If you didn't remember, it's Jesus' birthday. I'm sure you remember that. I think you might know that. Big player in the Esparza household. True fact. That is a true fact. Listen, she knows how to get this done. Celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior. Happy birthday, Jesus. And so turning me down would really be turning him down. Right. That's just a side note, really. But here's what I was thinking, babe. Oh, my goodness. Honestly, I'm prepared for anything. No, you're going to like it, I think. I want to buy a shark to keep in our pool. That's a good idea.

2:49:01Okay. I think you're going to like this, babe. I think you're going to like this. What I want to do is I want to get a trampoline for the boys for Christmas because I think they would really like it. And it has a net around it. A safety net around it. And then we can get Jake in there and jump around. And then I can get in there. Jump around and Lukey and Ry-Ry and everybody will be jumping in there and all that. I think we could put it on the side yard. There's not really any room over there. Oh, there's plenty of room. Plenty of room. Talked to Jay about it. He's seen the side yard and said that these things are compact.

2:49:56They are, you know, you get them all different sizes. Yeah, 12 feet. Yeah. 12 feet across. And so that would actually fit. It actually fit perfect. You do a round one. Yeah. Maybe. I like the rectangle ones. It'd be really good. And you know what we could do, babe, is they make this stuff called playground rubber mulch. It's the same stuff that you see there on the playgrounds. I'm going to lay that down. We put that, you know, round. Put the net up. A net. A net, for sure. A net. You can't get hurt. Can't get hurt. Wait, we've had a trampoline for 24 years. 24 years. 24 years, everybody. My kid. Really unbelievable. We've actually gone through three different trampolines in that time. A lot of family enjoyment on that. Yeah. I mean, a lot of memories, I think. Yes. Possibly some lovemaking. Yes. Okay. Well, so we can make love on it. There's a bonus. Done it. Cool. Thanks. On Jay's? Not on Jay's. But I have done it. I'm proud to say. We can see that. So, babe. Identical audio. Babe, what do you think? I think, you know, for a Christmas thing. Well, you know, I'm not opposed at all to the idea of a trampoline. Well, perfect. All right. Thank you. Thanks, Rebecca. She's so sweet. So giving. Look at that. She said it. She said it. That's it. Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go to break. Yep.

2:51:22You were done, right? Why don't we just do it by round of applause? Should we get the trampoline? Yeah! Well, there it is, hon. I can't, you know, M1 Nation. M1 Nation. Spoken. Spoken. Well, let's talk about it at home. Oh, boy, you're dead! You are dead, man! Man. You walk in, she goes, if you ever put me on the spot like that. That doesn't even sound like a maybe. I can tell you exactly what it'll look like. You want to know? She'll go, babe. Babe. And she'll shake the head. And I'll go, what? And she'll go, a trampoline, really? It's good exercise. It is so fun. No, you guys, listen. I actually really do like the idea of one. I've thought about it in the past. Nuts for the winner. I've even discussed it with my mom because she...

2:52:23She suggested it on several occasions. Hang on, just say, the one her mom suggested was a $20 one. It looked like some sort of Suzanne Somers, you know, Thighmaster sort of trampoline. It would fit in the back of my truck. Exactly. It would fit in your glove compartment of your truck. Rebecca, I even said I would come over and set it up for you. Wow, babe. That's it. Oh, my gosh. How do you say no to that? It would make you a monster. I appreciate that, Jay, but the problem still is we don't have the space for it. No, we do. Yes, I have looked around the house. We don't have the space. Not in the house. We're thinking of outside. I know. That's what I mean. We have like a piece of grass, basically, that's, you know, 10 by 10. Perfect. And it's the only piece of grass in our entire backyard.

2:53:24And that's not true. We have the area of grass behind the slide. Yeah, behind the slide. Behind the slide. I've been back there behind the slide. I've been behind the slide. Yep. The kids can't play behind the slide freely because that would be allowing them into the pool area, which is unsafe. Oh, that's true. Okay. You have to supervise them when they're going out there for this. Well, I do supervise them. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You're dead. Three kids. Four kids. One big one. Yeah, one big kid. And two of them are two. Hey, who's that? That's Jake. It is? Yeah. He's not crying. He just is demanding to get out of the car. What if we redesign the safety fence? Redesign the safety fence. Redesign the safety fence. Redesign the safety fence. We redesign it. We redesign the safety fence. We redesign the whole thing. Yep, not the whole thing. Just that little section.

2:54:19Lauren is in cahoots with us. I know. That's what I'm saying, Rebecca. It is so fun. You guys will be like the fun house. You know what? I have a perfect solution. What is it, babe? Tomorrow morning is family day. Let's go to Jay's house. Yeah, come on over. Let's do this. Babe, listen. We put it up, and then if it doesn't work out, we can have it removed. Babe. Let me come over for a consult. I'm going to come over and we're going to look at it. Consult, everybody! He'll bring his tape measure. Yep. He'll bring it right over. Yep. Hey, babe, what about this? How about this? What if we do a consult where we actually really take a look at it? And if there's some grass left, are you still there? No. Maybe if there's some grass left, then we can at least, you know, we can talk about it. Spitball it. Spitball it. I could bring some grass. What do you think, babe? Hello, babe. Hon? Hello, babe? Oh, wow. Talk about it when you go. Okay. I wouldn't even go home. That's that. I love you, honey. I love you. See, this is why you just have to stick it out, man. You stick through the good times and the bad. No trampoline.

2:55:43Sorry, Jake, Luke, and Ryan. Yep. Sorry, guys. Not over yet. Uncle Woods, get one, you come to my house. Got new movies coming up. Make some noise in our live studio audience. Screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world by the tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy. On FM 94.9. So I'm at Verizon, shopping for 4G. And I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, we've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking, is it the 10, the 5?

2:56:49Touchdown. And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com slash 4GLTE. With all the attention we gave to features in the new 2012 Dodge Charger, like over 60 standard and available safety and security features and standard Uconnect touchscreen, you might be wondering about the performance. Well, open the hood. That engine you see gives Charger an impressive 292 horses and best-in-class 31 miles per gallon highway with an available new 8-speed automatic to turn all that power into crisp forward motion. Now close the hood and wonder no more. The new Dodge Charger. Now get 0% APR financing or $2,000 cash allowance on 2011 Dodge Charger and Challenger. Visit your SoCal Dodge dealer. EPA estimated miles per gallon. Actual mileage varies. Wards vehicle segmentation. Financing for well-qualified buyers through Ally. Not all buyers will qualify. Residency restrictions apply. Offers end October 31, 2011.

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3:00:49Lucerne Chunk Cheese is just $5 each, 32-ounce size, selected varieties. And Safeway Select Coffee is only $5 each, selected varieties. Don't miss our three-day sale going on now through Sunday with fantastic savings for the weekend and all week long. And remember to get your flu shot at the Vons Pharmacy. No appointment necessary, and you'll get 10% off your groceries. It's all this weekend at Vons. Ingredients for life. Age restrictions apply. See pharmacy for details. Coupon expires one week from issue. Other restrictions may apply. 2011 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class, backed by 125 years of innovation. Consider the 2011 E-Class, with technology like Attention Assist, which can sense and alert drivers if they become drowsy. The E-Class continues to chart its own course. Ironically, one test drive reveals that all this new technology prompts an old reaction, amazement. Lease the E350 Sport Sedan, an IHS top safety pick, for just $5.99 a month for 33 months with $4,369 due at signing. Only at your authorized Mercedes-Benz dealer. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through September 30, 2011. Equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. Sometimes life kind of feels like, well, a juggling act.

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3:03:10You guys ready for some Sunday football? Go to U31, North Park's number one bar and grill, to hang out with me, Woodsy. Prizes awarded to those who can pick. FM 94.9 will host select 1 p.m. football games throughout the season. Check FM 94.9SD.com for details. This report is brought to you by Kohl's Department Store. Get to Kohl's Big Weekend Sale featuring extra, extra specials throughout the store Friday 3 to 11, Saturday 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. The more you know, the more you Kohl's. Kohl's expect great things. Well, National City, the 805 southbound 43rd Street, that on-ramp we had an incident earlier, they've cleared that. The 805 northbound at Balboa Avenue, we've got plywood that's in the slow lane, and traffic's pretty slow all the way to the 52. The 805 northbound Mesa College Drive, we're starting to see some light rainfall here, so those roads are going to be kind of slick. And the 163 northbound before Friars Road, there's an accident on the right shoulder. A car's going the wrong way. This report also brought to you by...

3:04:09Your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Toyota Owners, your neighborhood Toyota dealer, has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts today. See your participating Toyota dealer. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his leg. On FM 94.9. Step rider, come on in. If you'd like to take the grand tour of the long... Think that guy's ever had a fresh unfiltered? You think he knows what possum tastes like? Think that guy had a granddad? Granddaddy. Pappy. Grandpappy. Think he's ever smoked out of a corncob pipe.

3:05:30I think he's ever had a woman throw a drink in his face. I think he ever French kissed his sister. I guess that's the end of that. That'll do it. Ours were actually nice. No, that's true. I'm in it. I'm from Texas, I know. I sure do love this. Reminds me of my youth, my friend. Oh, I love his voice so much. It's painful. Oh, you emotional terrorist. You don't hear the string section in the new country as much as you did in the new. That's true. You don't hear the country in the new country as much as you used to.

3:06:35This is country. I agree. Straight up. I think it's all good. I love him singing out of the side of his mouth. Real. Real. You know what was great about him? There was no way that he sang those words without being just completely jacked. That's why things went a little south for George for a while. Oh, I bet he loved some chords originals that you would pop open the tab. My wife repeated these words. She goes, when you leave, you'll see the nursery because she left me without mercy. And I said, yeah. That's right. And she goes, what did he do? It's a whole other song. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about that part. You think he knows how to pack a pack of cigarettes?

3:07:40Real good. Do you think that his fingers have ever smelled like nicotine? He has his own lighter. I wonder. That says George on it? He has a belt buckle with his initials on it. Oh, George Jones. Legend. Welcome back. It's a Mikey show. And let's see. I want to thank. Where is it? Where did he put my name? Expressly Gourmet. Here's what they do. It's kind of cool what Expressly Gourmet does. You don't have to worry about what's for dinner. Because Expressly Gourmet, they're delivering to more than 100 San Diego restaurants. That's how many restaurants they have under them. And you can check them out at expresslygourmet.com. And they're one of the sponsors for our weekly, they are the sponsor for our weekly pigskin pick'em. That's right. Where you can win a $50 gift card to Expressly Gourmet. Today they brought food from Porkland. Porky Land Mexican Grill. Did you catch that, Mike? Porky Land. I didn't know you had your own restaurant, too. Weren't you an entrepreneur, Mike? That's right. You're Porkly. Porkly? If they ever have to change names, they could just call it Mikey Land. Well, that's what they were called until you sued them. You sued them for free food for the rest of your life. No money. Just all the pork you can eat. Tortillas and pork.

3:09:09Just based on it. They're bringing a five-foot burrito. Mikey. That's very abrupt. Yes. Mikey. I want tacos and burritos. That's not fair. When he does that, it's so freaking funny. It's not fair. You can get out of any trouble by playing that. Absolutely. Love it so much. Let's see. We got a text that says, Mikey, when I was a kid, I wanted to be the cool dad. Now I want to be the mean dad who tells the kids to stay in line. I can understand that. What do you mean? You wanted to be the cool dad? You don't think you are the cool dad? You kind of are. I'm firm. Like I say, my kids' friends are a little scared of me.

3:10:19So they have a respect for Mr. Isbell. Yeah, because I definitely don't like goofing around. They call you Jay, or do they call you Mr. Isbell? They call me Jay. Most of them I've coached since they were old enough to grab my finger when they were little bitty boys. I wonder what that means when he says, I don't like any goofing around. What constitutes? What does it entail? Tearing up my yard. How would they do that? Wrappers off popsicles. Can I hear how you yell at a kid? Holy cow. No, I just come out. Or they're screaming uncontrollably on the trampoline. You're like, hey, hey. How about you bring it down a notch? And they're like, that kid, that guy in there, that 48-year-old man, there is nothing that gets him more than a freaking popsicle wrapper or some trash or something. If you leave your trash behind. He will slit your throat. Imagine that he's walking in the backyard and he hears a crunch and it's sticking to the bottom of his Vans. Because he wears Vans. And it's a Tootsie Pop. Oh, which is fattening. What little fatso was back here just eating Tootsies? Or a Blow Pop with gum stuck to his shoe. Oh, I bet he gets pissed.

3:11:42One time I found trash in my neighbor's yard that they dropped over the fence. I put them all in a lineup, and I was like, okay, which one of you did this? Did they admit it? Oh, my gosh. They all turned on each other. I was like, okay, now then you're in trouble for turning on each other. You've got to know to have each other's back. You've got to lie. Oh, boy. Better not say anything. I will be the dad that no one sees. What? Don't be that dad. Can't be that dad, that creep. He's a creep. That's a creep? No, my dad was the dad that no one sees because he was always working or on business or something. Different. He lives in town. He works till 10 a.m., about noon some days. You're at home and your kids come home from school about 3.30, let's say, when they're all of age. And you'll be the dad that's in the bedroom with the door shut, right? And the kids are like, shh. No, no, no. Don't be that dad. No, I won't. You were right up until that part. I won't be the, they won't be, shh, we have to keep it down. That doesn't bother me. Unless I'm trying to sleep. You'll come out and get a drink and say, hi, boys, and then go right back into the bedroom. They come and get me to go jump on the trampoline. They're like, double bounce us, bounce us up, or play steamroller. Okay, here's my thought on that. Play steamroller. Do kids want...

3:12:58They want to play with your kid. They don't want to play with you. Until a certain age. Yes. Once they hit their teens, they're like, get away, dad, you idiot. But, you know, if they're 10, if they're 8, dude, they want their dad out there slinging heat at them. We all play like, my dad beat up your dad, my dad's cooler than your dad. Like, to a certain age, your dad is like, hero. Different experience. Different experience. For you? For me. And so I'll, if this, now maybe, I'll admit, I may not understand. And I'll learn right now, oh, that's not right. I don't know if it's a matter of right and wrong, per se. Isn't it, though? They want your imagination. They want you to bring the play to them. I'll tell you what, dude. My dad used to come home from work. Sometimes he'd come home early. He would run inside and change clothes real quick. And he'd come out in his sweats. He'd have his glove on and a ball. And my brother and I would go. 100 yards down the road. I'm not talking about you and your brother. We're talking about friends. Fine. Friends, too, from the neighborhood. He'd throw the ball as high as he could, and he'd do it until the sun set. And we'd all be, I got it, I got it. He'd play home run derby with us. He would play football with us. He was all-time quarterback. It was the raddest. Your dad played football at Notre Dame. Right. Okay. I'm not that guy.

3:14:16And I don't want to pretend to be that guy. That's not who I am. You can throw a football. But you can go out there and tackle them. You can do, like, cannonballs in the pool. I'm not that good. Tortilla tossing? Yep. Show them the proper way to roll a tortilla? I don't know. Something. When I was a kid and my friends came over, my dad wasn't there. This is just my reality. My dad wasn't there, nor did I want him to hang out with me and my buddies. Ever? No. Look how you turned out. True. I mean, maybe there's something to be said for it. That's why I'm asking. That's why I'm asking. You need to get involved. Maybe I need to get involved. What's involved? Hang on. Here's the other deal. When I went to my friends' houses, I remember playing with them. I don't remember playing with their dad. I personally do not. It was like a treat, though, when you did get to play with the dad. That would be like, argh! Wasn't there a dad that would come out and you'd hang on him and he'd run with the football? Always thought. dads were at least my friend's dads they were d's really yeah didn't see them didn't have i do not remember a dad that was like hey come on let's wrestle and have fun and blah blah blah it's the best did not exist all right think about that i don't know apparently that's not generational i'm 41 jay you're 48 yeah was your dad like that uh what's your dad like

3:15:36He would throw the ball with me every so often, but what his shtick was was that he'd come home, he'd go, get in the truck. We're going to go work. Generational. I bet it's generational. He never stopped working. I wonder if it's generational. Because you're 48, I'm 41, and I just wonder if our dads came from an era where that's not what you do. Hard asses. You work. Hard asses. You work and you're hard ass. kick the uh he would kick the bunk beds and he would assign us what we have to go get for the yard and i you know i'd you get the lawnmower you get the rake you get the blah blah blah and we'd we'd all have to assemble there'd be raking leaves mowing the lawn blah blah blah and when it was done we're free to do whatever we want but there wasn't hanging out time right now i get that that is not maybe that's not the most ideal situation But that's what I remember. And I never thought, and maybe it's because it's like if you got your butt kicked growing up, it's the only existence you know. Right. He didn't kick my butt. My dad didn't, you know, kick my butt or anything. I just don't, I just didn't play with him, you know? Think about this, dude. How many kids? You have three kids, three boys. And I've been around them plenty. Those kids.

3:16:59Love. When their dad picks them up, throws them on the couch, picks them up, throws them on the couch, beats them with a pillow, whatever. Whoa. I don't want to do that with their kid or their friends. Why? Yeah, they love it. Think about how much they love it. Yeah, and it makes them love you, and it makes them see how to play with others, too. You're helping them learn. It's awesome. I'm learning right now because I don't know. I just wouldn't imagine their friends coming over. Like when Dom and Amy come over and they bring Luca and stuff like that, I'm not going to pick Luca up and start throwing him around. I love it. I love it. It's so fun. He ain't my kid. Like I don't want to hurt. I don't want them. Here's what my thought is. What if they don't want me to? Okay, then don't wrestle, but go out with a ball in the street and kick it and play three flags up where whoever catches it then gets to kick it after they catch it three times. I love it. And it's not just because it's what your dad did.

3:17:47They'll love it. They will love it. It's unequivocally. They will love it. There's no downside. There will be a point when they're like, oh, get it. And then you just got to realize that, all right, they're getting to that age. They don't want to hang out with their pops anymore. You're building memories. Cool dad versus mean dad. Mean dad is the strict dad that says... Wonder years, dad. Yeah, tells your kids to be quiet, blah, blah, blah. See, Jay's both. He's that odd combo of strict dad and freaking cool. He'll take you snowboarding. He'll take you skating. He surfs every day. One thing I've discovered, kids just want to understand the rules. If you lay them out for them, they're fine. But if you just leave them to their own craziness, they'll cause trouble and go over the line. Readjusting my thinking. I'm telling you, up until today, if my kids' friends came over... I just want to stay out of their way. Because I think that would be the cool thing to do. Like, they don't want some square-ass dad. But you can read them. You'll know if they think you're square. They don't know that. But I think it's good to be... They will. When they're like 11, they'll think you're square. Well, we say square, which makes us square. I'll just tell you this. Speaking of square... Gosh darn, I love it. So...

3:19:06It's the difference between the things that we say and the things that our parents would say. Rebecca was telling me this the other day, crack me up. Her mom, she had a boss that was really, really mean years, years, years, years ago when she first started working for this company. And everybody in the company did not like the boss. He was real mean, jerk. Everybody couldn't stand him. When she would get really furious with this man, her mom. When she would get really furious with this man, she would be angry. And she would call him a turkey. A turkey. I've heard my mom use that. You turkey. He is such a turkey. It's venom right there. Yeah, venom. That is venom. I hear somebody say turkey. I'm like.

3:20:07Really? Instant giggle. Instant giggle. Yeah. Instant giggle. Salivate. Because it's a turkey. Salivate. You turkey. And that's pissed. Mm-hmm. Furious. Oh, furious. Like, you're the scumball of the earth. Yeah. Nowadays, there will be colorful language, and they are a curse word. Yeah. No matter what, they're a curse word. A hundred percent. But her mom would say that somebody was a turkey. Mm-hmm. A turkey now. You called me a ding dong the other day. And it was hysterical. I laughed so hard. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. I want to bring ding dong back. Ding dong's a pretty good one. It's hysterical. Why do we lose stuff from when we're kids? I want to bring fart face back. Or cock-a-face. Yes. Fart face, cock-a-face. I couldn't even say gosh when I was a kid. I'd say, gosh, mom. I'd say, you don't say that. I was like, why? She goes, because it's awfully close to God. Oh, okay, mom. All right.

3:21:07It's like Eddie Murphy said, they couldn't even say dag in his house. It sounds too much like damn. Really? Yeah, they couldn't even say dag. Dag. My parents could say that stuff. Oh, yeah. We came close to it. I'm a sailor. I curse like a sailor. And if I ever have kids, it's going to be my hardest thing to do. My kids can say whatever they want as long as they don't cuss. Gosh, it's going to be tough. They can say stuff that's close. Just don't say the F word. What if Jake at 12 was like, this is a freaking joke? Well, I'd be fine with it. Would you? Well, he didn't say it's a... What if he said, that's so stupid? Well, don't be disrespectful. Right, right. But if he's like, this school's a freaking joke. It would bother me if I had a kid. I'd be like, hey, easy with the freaking. Would you actually go, oh, easy. Oh, easy. Easy. Take it easy. Hey, what are you doing here? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, you're running your mouth. You're going to smack. Yeah, you're talking to your mother like that. When I was a kid. What does Henry Hill say? When I was a kid and I came home with a bad report card. My father, he was already angry and pissed off from work. He was mad. My brother was in a wheelchair. Right. Yeah. So what did I get? I got the belt. The belt. Oh, yeah. Did you have a good day at school today? You learned a lot, huh? Yeah, learned a lot, huh? Teacher said you hadn't been there in months. You see the belt come off and they freeze it? Yeah. Every now and then you got to take a beating. Every now and then you got to take a beating. That's right. Times are different. Lauren O'Brien, by the way.

3:22:34scared out of her mind right now. I don't know what you guys are talking about and Woods is flinging his belt. Have you guys ever heard us say that Woods can be tornadic? No. You guys have heard us say that. Well, now you've got to experience it. Method acting. Method actor. I'm like Sean Penn. Yes. He will take the belt off and actually, if I were there. he would have beat me with the belt to sort of show the scene, hey, this is the... Yeah, you want to get the whole effect. You want the effect of the scene and everything. Good sound effect. You know what I'm saying? Yes. You're turkey. Turkey. Listen, I'm going to win you over. I'm going to win you over with this X Factor. I know you think everything's douchey. Don't you? Yes. Do you think X Factor? Maybe you don't. Maybe I got it wrong and I'll stand corrected. What do you think about the X Factor? Your wife loves X Factor. Ball and crying. By the way, American Idol in the United States of America is the number one show with males between 18 and 34 years old. Shocking. Males. Okay? But the sex factor's better. Douchey? Somewhat. Okay. You gonna win me over? I'm gonna win you over. Bring it. Next. Make some noise in our live video. People are gonna like this.

3:24:03The Mikey Show. It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. It's never an easy decision. But when the passion is gone and things have become boring and predictable, the answer will be crystal clear. We're all grown-ups here. You know when it's time to move on. So go ahead. Test drive that new BMW 320i sedan you've had your eye on. The timing is perfect. Right now, BMW is offering a $1,000 credit on the 2011 320i sedan, along with attractive lease and finance offers, but only for a limited time. And as you build those strong bonds on the open road with your ultimate driving machine, you won't be weighed down by the baggage of any maintenance costs for four years of 50,000 miles. Hurry into a BMW center today for a test drive. The chemistry will be immediate. For no-cost maintenance details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. For a limited time, lease the BMW 528i sedan for $4.99 a month. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. Again, it's your old pal Woodsy once again for Denny's Let's Get Cheesy. You know, this is the first day in four days that I didn't get Denny's for breakfast, and I'm kind of kicking myself now because I miss the delicious goodness. That is Denny's and their new menu, Let's Get Cheesy.

3:25:30is so good. They've got a bunch of new dishes for you to try. And, you know, they did it before with the bacon. They had a bacon menu where they added bacon and everything, and that was delicious. But this cheese menu, I'm telling you, they've got some breakfast items, some lunch items, and some dinner items that are, excuse me, outstanding. They are outstanding. So it's available all day, every day, for a limited time only. It offers dishes starting at only $4.99. It's breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert. Listen. Get to Denny's right now and try one of these new Let's Get Cheesy items. You will not regret it. It's Denny's Let's Get Cheesy. Live from Progressive. First caller. Hi, I just broke up with my boyfriend. I think you called the wrong number, but Progressive.com lets you compare our rates with our competitors. So there are other fish in the sea. Really? Yeah, you'll find someone. No, you can really compare rates at Progressive.com. Wow, you got over that quickly. Visit Progressive.com to compare rates and start saving today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and its affiliates. Mayfield Village, Ohio. Prices vary based on how you buy. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Live from Progressive. Flo here. Let's take another question. Hi, Flo. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts. Great, but that's not really a question. Oh, you're right. I saved a ton of money with Progressive's discounts? Still not quite right, but you get the idea. Progressive makes it easy to save.

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3:28:05Two of San Diego's favorites are back, football and Hondas. Honda production is at full speed, the cars are rolling in, and your Honda dealers of San Diego County are getting ready for a big fourth quarter. So if you've been waiting to drive a new Honda, your wait is over. All nine Honda dealers have a nice selection of models like Pilots, Accords, CRVs, and all new 2012 Civics. They've got plenty of cars and plenty of deals. To find a Honda dealer nearest you, visit SDHondaDealers.com today. It's good to be back. This is Radio Burger King, the sound of value and flavor. Thank you. Two simple words that we just don't hear enough. Well, Burger King is saying thank you by giving you a cool, creamy soft serve cone or cup with the purchase of a value meal. That's a free soft serve, and all you have to do is enjoy a value meal. Is anybody else giving you something free right now? Well, then go to Burger King and get your soft serve. This is Radio BK. Price and participation vary. Limited time offer, not valid during breakfast hours, while supplies last. At Boy's Head, we work hard to make our oven gold turkey the best it can be. It's pure turkey breast, slow roasted the old-fashioned way. But there's a downside to such excellence. Boy's Head Oven Gold is a magnet for lunch thieves. You open up the office fridge and find your oven gold turkey sandwich has been stolen, pilfered, pinched. So what can you do?

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3:30:47With a WayToSave account, you also gain access to Wells Fargo online banking, online savings tools, and Wells Fargo mobile banking. To learn more about how you can get ahead with your savings with our WayToSave account, stop by Wells Fargo today. Wells Fargo. Together, we'll go far. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Yeah, this is the life. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear, like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. If your hands are free, and some of your hands are not free, but if your hands are free, make some noise on a live stream. Welcome back. It's a Mikey show. We got new movies coming up in just a second. We'll tell you what's coming out in theaters this weekend. Right now, from the X Factor last night, this girl's name is Caitlin Coach. And she did a very different version of, I'm not even going to tell you what it is. You just listen to it and you'll figure out what it is. But I heard it this morning and I thought, that girl.

3:32:17is a good singer. Take a listen. Oh, wow. That's good. You don't think that girl's good, Woods? Yeah, yeah. No, you don't. Oh, my God. Cheesy backup singers, though. Huh?

3:33:41The backup singers kind of ruined it. I liked it because I grew up on Gladys Knight and the Pips. As did I, and I love that song. It's a nice remake. That was actually The Supremes, but it's all right. Well, I'm not a fan of The Supremes, but I thought it was cool how she changed it up and everything. Yeah, yeah. You didn't like her voice. I don't like that. You know, I don't like the over singers. You know, I don't like the drawn out. But it's me. I don't like that tone. Tone is great. I don't like the Aguilera. Yeah. Oh, man. That wasn't very Aguilera. She was Aguilering like crazy. Snow King's Leon. Fair enough. Well, when she starts selling out arenas, you let me know. Okay. She will be. I bet. Hey, dude, a lot of these people do. Yeah, no, Fantasia is incredible. That's one example. Ruben Stunner, Clay Aiken. Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson's a good one. Carrie Underwood's a good one. Yeah, they sell records. Yeah, I know. And they win Grammys. Yeah, yeah. Now, the Grammy is not the hallmark. It doesn't mean that you're good just because you win a Grammy. There's a lot of turds that win Grammys. Jethro Tull. It just may not be your thing. Right. It may not be your thing.

3:35:01I don't like over singers, but I didn't feel like she did. No, I did. Yeah, I get it. I do not know what the judges said. They may think she stunk. I haven't listened. I bet they liked it. They probably liked it. I thought it was good. Sully Gold. That was really, really special. I really like you a lot. He's just like Randy. I know he does. I don't think that what she did was easy. And I don't think that regular people can do it. She made her voice sound like an instrument. Yeah. That's amazing. It sounded beautiful. It sounded nice in my ears. It would be an honor for me to work with you in this competition. Hola. Caitlin, to me, you have a great individual, authentic voice. Simon, can you say it? You were almost losing control at the end. You controlled it. You took it down somewhere else. And you did something with a song I've never heard before. And that's what I like about you. LA, yes or no? It's an absolutely smooth. Yeah. A big, all fat, juicy, delicious... Shut up. I don't like that girl. Why does she have to be there? Mustard, lettuce, and pickles on top.

3:36:29Yes. Thank you. It'll take a season before they figure out, why is that girl there? Yeah, we don't need her. Why is a pussycat girl there? Just the three of us. We'll knock this out of the park. We'll just have identical Randy in there. Yes. And it's just like the original winning formula. Listen, Simon, Paula, and the guy that looks like Randy, they all work flawlessly. Yes. Identical Seacrest host it. Identical Seacrest. It's good. It's great. Yeah. Well, I thought I'd win you over, Woodsy. I did not succeed. I'm pretty in. Woodsy doesn't like the... You call it over-singing. It's over-singing. I don't think so. I think it's a different word. You don't like it when people do a lot of runs. Yeah, you hear it a lot in the national anthems these days. Those are called runs. Okay, well, whatever they are, I don't like them. I'm out. Yeah, you don't like it. As soon as you hear it, you're done. Done. Let's see. New movies are coming out this weekend.

3:37:28Moneyball, which, by the way... Oh, wow. Very excited. Can you tell? I'm very excited. A lone clapper. I'm very excited. I got it. Yep, you are. You're, in fact, taking M1s to see it today. I am. So, first five? Yeah, I think I screwed myself because I don't know who was there first. I'm not going to take their word for it. So I'll probably do a drawing when I get there because I think there's more than five coming. So I'll just throw their names in a hat and draw, and I'll pay for five. Moneyball is about a general manager for the Oakland A's. Billy Bean. Billy Bean. And Billy Bean is played by Brad Pitt. Take a listen. You can't start Pena first tonight. You'll have to start Hatterberg. I don't want to go 15 rounds, Billy. The lineup card is mine, and that's all. The lineup card is definitely yours. I'm just saying you can't start Pena first. Well, I am starting him at first. I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now. I don't get it, Woods. All right, so. What'd he do? Who is this guy? Billy Bean and the guy, Jonah Hill plays a character that's basically a mashup of about three different guys. And they created a way to take these players, they were undervalued by other teams, and get them for little money. And they were all on the Oakland A's. And they won 20 games in a row. They made the playoffs a few years. It was called Moneyball because the Yankees.

3:38:59Their payroll was $150 million. The A's payroll was $30 million. Yet, you'd see the Yankees' A's in the playoffs. So they created kind of a system to find these and hire these and get these undervalued players to play for the A's. And they won a lot of ball games. And it's called Moneyball, and it's freaking fascinating to any baseball fan. Well, to me, it sounds like the movie should be called Great Scouts. No, it's Moneyball because of the computer. They brought the computer into scouting and the computer and all these different... So they found these guys in a different way by using computer stuff? Yeah, and having algorithms and just a whole different way to scout and find baseball players. And it's really fascinating. Has it gotten to a point now where everybody figured it out? Yeah, which is why you don't see the A's in much prominence anymore. Yeah, and it was a number one best-selling book for years. And they made a movie about it, which I didn't think they could do. And I've heard it's phenomenal. And I'll be seeing it in an hour. More new movies in a second. Plus, we still haven't played for you this thing that Levi Johnston said that's pretty creepy. And it's all coming up. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience. 570-1949. Or text them 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up.

3:40:45If it's blues, we'll take it out of the bag and we'll play it. Sunday mornings at 7, the Brown Bag Blues on FM 94.9. Good morning. Welcome to McDonald's. First good thing I've heard all day. But it's only 7.30 a.m. I know, and I already whacked my head, broke my phone, and got a parking ticket, so I'm going to need to order quite a few things. That should make you feel better, sir. All right, how about an order of sausage? Oh, and an order of bacon, scrambled eggs, three hotcakes, well, hash browns for sure. Um, sir? Oh, I'm not done. But all of that is on the deluxe breakfast platter, and it's now just $3.99. Seriously? Set your mornings right with McDonald's deluxe.

3:41:46breakfast platter, three golden hotcakes, fluffy scrambled eggs, sizzling bacon, sausage, an English muffin, and more. All for just $3.99. The simple joy of every flavor of breakfast. Sorry you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Technically, I fell out of bed and the window. Breakfast served during breakfast hours only. Price and participation may vary. McDonald's and SeaWorld have teamed up to give you a Halloween spooktacular discount. Adults in at Kids Price and kids are free at SeaWorld. Visit McDonald's today to get your exclusive SeaWorld coupon. Many locations now open 24 hours. I have to say I love the competitiveness of BMW Encinitas. They found that by advertising with the Mikey Show, their sales were outmatching other sales in San Diego County. And they've kind of thrown all the rules out the window with what they're doing this weekend. And I'm stoked about it. They're going to do a lease offer for you. And this is on a brand new BMW. It's not... An old used BMW, even though an old used BMW is still better than a brand new whatever. But it's a brand new BMW. And they're offering and lowering their lease until Sunday to $229 a month. So that is a new BMW at BMW Encinitas. And the new lease rate is $229 per month.

3:43:12That is as good as it gets. That's the 328i. It's a new 2011 328i. $229 a month. Again, you got to drive one. You have to drive one to understand it. A lot of it has to do with, and it's across the board, through all of their products. It doesn't matter if it's the most inexpensive BMW to their most expensive BMW. because they've let me drive everything. I was driving this morning, and I didn't see a pothole until the last minute. Real easy. My right hand just went, and it handles so amazingly that it moved the car seamlessly out of the way of it, and I actually thought, I have to mention that on the air. I have to mention the difference with a 328, or with a BMW, because I can tell you, if I were in my parents' car, I'd have hit that pothole. There's no doubt about it. If I was in my wife's car, I'd have hit the pothole. So it's about their handling. It's about just what kind of vehicles they are. And again, just ask yourself, do you have the blue and white Roundel on your steering wheel right now? What are you leasing? What are you driving? And how much does it cost you? Because until Sunday, if you go to BMW Encinitas, it's a new 2011 328i for $229 a month.

3:44:39Rad. BMW Encinitas between Encinitas Boulevard and El Camino Real off the 5 or BMWEncinitas.com. You got to check them out. Five at this offer. 24-month lease. $49.95 total due at signing. Zero security deposit. 20 cents per excess mile over 20,000 miles. With approved above average credit through BMW Financial Services. Offer ends 9-30-11. Oktoberfest is a celebration of the harvest. It turns into one of the biggest celebrations of the year as millions flock to Munich. Since Munich is halfway around the world, join FM 94.9 and Beck's Beer at Rocktoberfest. October 22nd, 30th in University in North Park. Celebrate your harvest, or new job, or oil change. Check out live music from Everest. The soft path, the style tone, and more. Fill up on all kinds of German food and wash it down with a German beer like Vex Oktoberfest, a classic German beer that's amber in color with hints of caramel and toasted nut. It's only available from now through October. There's hundreds of Oktoberfests, but only one Rocktoberfest. So join the party October 22nd in North Park and celebrate every day with Vex Oktoberfest. Available for a limited time. For Oktoberfest tickets or details, go to FM949SD.com.

3:45:59So I'm at Verizon shopping for 4G, and I say to the sales guy, listen, I want Verizon 4G LTE speed, but I also want selection. And he goes, we've got a ton of advanced Verizon 4G LTE devices, like the new Droid Bionic by Motorola, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, or the MiFi 4510L mobile hotspot that lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices. So I say, smartphones, tablets, and hotspots. Not bad, but in my head I'm thinking, is that the 10, the 5? Touchdown. And then I say, yeah, but is Verizon 4G LTE really that fast? And he says, yep, up to 10 times faster than 3G. Whoa. And now I'm going. They're going for two. Got it. Come to Verizon for the largest selection of 4G LTE devices and tear it up on the fastest, most advanced 4G network in America. Visit any Verizon store today, verizonwireless.com slash 4G LTE, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Coverage details at VerizonWireList.com slash 4GLTE. TV on the radio. Arctic Monkeys. Tomorrow night, open air theater at SDSU. TV on the radio's new album, Nine Types of Light, available now. Buy tickets now at LiveNation.com. Arctic Monkeys' new album, Suck It and See, available now. TV on the radio and Arctic Monkeys, live.

3:47:28South Bay Volkswagen has the largest Jetta inventory in San Diego County, and they are priced to sell. Leads a 2011 Jetta S automatic for only $149 plus tax for 36 months and no charge scheduled maintenance for three years or 36,000 miles. Whichever comes first. Some restrictions. See dealer for details. But that's not all. With every 2011 car purchased, you'll become a member of the exclusive South Bay Volkswagen loyalty club. You'll receive lots of savings, including free lifetime oil changes only at South Bay Volkswagen. Purchase any 2011 Volkswagen and receive free oil changes for life. We're going to make you smile. Okay, so let me tell you about my credit union. They gave me advice, approved my mortgage, got an awesome rate, by the way, and they gave me money for closing costs. Who does that? Navy Federal Credit Union. That's who. Refinance your mortgage or purchase your new home with guaranteed low rates and up to $2,500 for your closing costs. Your personal mortgage rep guides you through, and before you know it, you're home. Navy Federal members, military, DOD, and their families apply today at NavyFederal.org. Federally insured by NCUA, equal housing lender.

3:48:57I'm one degree away from standing out. American Public University has more than 75 online degrees. I'm one degree away from a quality education. American Public University's tuition is far less than what you'll find at other top online universities. And I'm one click away from making it happen. To learn more about one of the most affordable online universities, visit AmericanPublicUniversity.org. Financial media station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I get along better with women than I do with men. Lauren. And I'm a klutz and an idiot. Woods. I remember my first French kiss. And Jay. I'm so tired. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise in the live studio. All right, so we were going through the new movies that are coming out this weekend. Want to tell you about the movies. We talked about Moneyball. Yeah. Woodsy likes that one. I don't know if I do yet, but I'm gonna, I think. Taking people to see it? Yep. Killer Elite, Jason Statham. Here's a little bit of the trailer. De Niro's in this. Looks really good. Game's over. It killed Craig and Harris. We have to do something. Close the tower. You have no idea who you're messing with. Did you hear this number? He's like a father to you, right? You don't do this as a dead man.

3:50:50Listen, Danny's going to come back for me. When he does, you're out of here. He's your worst nightmare. Where'd you get this number? Actually called 411. Information. Can you believe it? It was information. Anyway. Anywho. So that's out today. Taylor Lautner, the Dracula from Twilight. He's the werewolf. The werewolf. He's the werewolf, and it looks terrible. He's in a new movie called Abduction. You guys don't believe he's a CIA agent? Weird. Maybe a junior CIA agent. Some of the trailer from Abduction. Sometimes I feel different. You're a 16-year-old CIA agent, so you are different. You are a little bit different. You're supposed to be a junior, and you're in the CIA. I walk around like everybody else. Hey, Karen. Those guys are 60 years old that you were. That's true. It's not like coffee. You can't even drink coffee. But inside. It's not your growth. I just feel like I'm a stranger in my own life. Well, you are. You can't vote yet. Yeah, you can't vote.

3:51:51So he finds out that he was a missing kid. And this is for real? And who are those people living in your house? No, this is my mom and dad. It is. This is mom and dad. Haven't you ever heard that you look exactly like someone that someone else knows? I have never heard that, no. Never heard that. Well, people tell me that Freddie Prinze, they say he could look like Freddie Prinze. Senior or junior? Junior. Junior. But he's not my dad. He's younger than me, actually. That's true. And then there's another one called Dolphin Tale. Inspiring story of a dolphin named Winter. Might have teared up at the preview. Might have. Might have. And the dedicated people who banded together to save her life. What is it? Yeah, it's a freaking animal movie. Documentary? No, it's Morgan Freeman's in it. Looks brilliant.

3:52:54Oh, wait. Based on a true story. Yes, I was like... There's that little dolphin, not half a fin. That's it. Is it that one? It got me. What's a tell? What's a tell? I wonder how many dolphins had to be kept in captivity to film that movie. I wonder if they're adjusting... to going back into the wild now or if they were kind of like the Orca and Free Willy who could never just be free again. Couldn't. Couldn't put it back in the wild because it had been trained so much and fed. Used to go up for it. Did not have been fed itself anymore. We should just eat it. That was a weird transition. It was a really shocking transition. Wear it. Anybody have anything going on this weekend that you want to promote? I do. Hello, Moon. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to be down at the Fun Bike Center, which is on Kearney Villa Road. It's called the Ride of Inspiration for Down Syndrome, and it's celebrating the lives of individuals with Down Syndrome. And there's going to be a celebrity guest host. Do you guys know who Jim Weatherly is? Jim Weatherly. Former NFL player. Sounds familiar. Yeah, that's what I thought. Maybe the Raiders.

3:54:06or something like that. Just throwing out teams? I don't know. But they're going to have KidZone, a vendor expo, food fair, live entertainment, raffle prizes, all that stuff. Are you riding in it? I'm not going to ride. I'm going to be there cheering everybody on, but there's going to be motorcycle rides and all that stuff. Rad. It sounds like a good time. End of the show on Friday. I tell you my story. And listen, I was thinking about it this morning and I said, I'm going to be... Totally transparent about where I am. I've mentioned on the air that I've had issues with depression recently. And here's my take. My take is that I know that I can get through it because of the God that lives within me. Now, there was a time in my life where I was hopeless and addicted to alcohol. I've been there. If you're there now, I can tell you I've been there. And I know how miserable it is. I also know how miserable it is to keep secrets because I've done that too. And I want you to know that there is hope and help. If you go to mikeyshow.com, at the top of the page, there's a word that says help. And if you click there, you can find resources for addiction and for depression and for eating disorders and all that stuff. Here's the message as well. As messed up as I was and even am now, as messed up of a place that I am even now.

3:55:30When I was a kid, I never had things to look forward to. And I felt isolated at all times. Even when I was around my peers, I felt isolated. I remember taking trips to movie theaters alone because I felt isolated. I didn't feel like I could go with other kids because of the way that I just felt so isolated. As I grew up, I started to have these feelings about myself that I was not worthy and that I was ugly and that I was unwanted. And my question to you is, have you ever felt that? Do you feel it now? Are you going through something that's extraordinarily hard? Because I am. And what I can tell you is that at my lowest point, when my dad said he couldn't talk to me anymore,

3:56:40When I saw my brothers look at me with pity. Gosh darn. That was so hard seeing my brothers have a look in their eyes of pity. I turned my life over to Jesus Christ. And that's the hope now. I didn't have it before, but I do have hope. No matter what, I know everything's going to work itself out. I didn't used to think that. I've had suicidal thoughts in my life. I never used to think that. But today I have hope in my life. And the hope is Jesus. I even considered stopping doing my testimony until I felt better. And I thought, nah, I still have a story to tell. And I haven't given up. I'm still, you know, I'm still dealing with it. And I know I'm going to be okay because of God. And that's the hope that I can offer to you. Who knows? Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why.

3:57:48And if it isn't, then that's what it's going to be used for. At the end of the show, I play a song and the song is a song that will hopefully give you hope. And I picked this one because of the way that I felt and the way that you may feel. If you are the person that feels like you're on the outside, like you're an outsider and that you're always struggling to be an insider, but no matter what, you can't get out of your own way. That's what this is about. There's more.