The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/27/10

2:01Took me a second. Had to get everything just right. Welcome to the program. Look at this. It's a Monday, and we are ready to rock and roll. We've got Woodsy back. Yay! Be home, pal. That's right. Woodsy was at a charity golf tournament in Texas for a friend of his on Friday, and he's back. Yeah, did a little... It really worked out great for me, man. We had been planning on going home and seeing some family because we really miss my parents and brother and sister. And the tournament I play in every year. Yeah. And it's called Holton's Drive for SIDS. It's so much fun. It's like 80% of my high school goes out there. Oh, wow. So it's a bunch of old, old friends. But it timed out where, you know, the Kings were playing Thursday night. My family was going to be in town Friday. Got to see grandma, aunts, uncles. It was great.

3:00That's awesome. It's dynamite. And it literally planned out perfectly. Nice. Let's see. Let me give you the number. 570-1949. You want to call? Come on. Call in. Will's screening phone calls. And he's ready to talk to you. Text to 949mikey at gmail.com. Good to be in here on a Monday. Ready to rock and roll. Ready to do this. Got a big show today. We got a jam-packed show. So much stuff. We got Eskimo Blue Waters coming in at 7.30. That's going to be fun. And we'll be talking to her. Word of the day, by the way, today, preposterous. The word is preposterous. Shouldn't be too tough to work in. No. Between now and 10, I'll say it. I'll work that into a sentence. A little sly-like. What's the prize for that, Jay? Today's prize is tickets to see the Padres battle it against the Chicago Cubs. Holy cow. Man, I'm getting down to the wire. Oh, yeah. That was Giant. That was Giants, man. It's driving me nuts. Like, Giants clutched up yesterday real good. We didn't. We did not. No, we didn't. No. Did not play well yesterday. Maybe we get our head on straight. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe we get it screwed on tight. Maybe we adopt the phrase, now's the time. Yeah, maybe check your sack and get out there and make it right. No. Just play the best that you can, boys. Oh, come on.

4:27Win. Have fun. Have fun. Come on, Ella B. Be testosterone-ed out with us. Pull your head out of your butt. Get your head out. 570-1949. I want to talk to you, Charger fan. What do you think of these San Diego Chargers? What do they do for you? You do for them. You're out there. You're supporting. You're showing your lightning bolts. What? are they doing for you as a team it's my best lee hacksaw hamilton pretty good a defense that looks atrocious terrible play on special teams philip rivers playing his guts out we'll get into that one yeah we will we will certainly get into that i'm mikey i'm the host of the show 40 years old and uh you know feeling good feeling good I really am. Good. I've been feeling good lately. Got a, you know, spring in my step. Is that the phrase? Yeah. Spring in your step? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that stuff. Really in love with my kids right now. That's awesome. Sat and watched that Charger game yesterday with Jake till he had to take a nap. That was fun. Man, that kid asked the same questions a lot. Like what? That's what four-year-olds do. When is Phillip Rivers going to play again? Well, buddy, they're on defense right now.

6:01When is Phillip Rivers going to play? I just told you, buddy, he's on offense. Remember, I said? But when's he coming back in? Yeah. And then he'll see somebody else with a number 17, and he thinks that's Phillip Rivers. And I'm trying to explain to him, no, that's not Phillip Rivers, buddy. It's a different team. We don't like that team. It's like watching football with me. Yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much. Or Mrs. Woods. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. She knows her stuff. So, let's see. Oh, look at this M1 Ziggy already, man. He is ready to do this. You're ready to talk about the Chargers. Dude, what did you make of that yesterday? It's just our special teams led, and they did this against that game. I mean, the defense is doing great. Most out of any quarterback for San Diego. Ever. Ever. Yeah, exactly. And it's just, I don't know, man, as a fan, I mean, I was there with Jacksonville when they get blacked out. I'm like, what? For my team. Yep. You got to. Yeah, and it's just hard, man, you know? It's tough because, you know, what's so tough about it is how much of it's mental. And it's like when things start going bad in your life, they just have a way of snowballing. Oh, when it rains, it pours. When it rains, it pours. And I just, I saw, you know, when Darren Sproles fumbled the ball the way that he did, before that, Legadoo Nane had...

7:37fumbled and I was just like, oh boy, they have it. And then the crowd is nuts. They are nuts. In Seattle. And so, you know, I'm just thinking, I'm putting it all together. Nane dropping the ball, the crowd, the stuff going on with Sproles. And I'm just like, come on guys, don't get in your head that it's just that day. Don't do that. Don't do that. Didn't Tolbert fumble too? Yeah. Were there three fumbles? Yeah. And I think that it gets, it's like, you get into your head, you're like, well, it's just one of those days. No, you know, don't let that happen. Don't let it be like that. Well, and, you know, I got to respectfully disagree about the defense because I'll tell you what, man, that game should have been, for all intents and purposes, should have been a lot worse. Without the dude punching the ball out, that's another score. Without Pete Carroll. mismanaging the clock at the half. This game's a blowout, man. It's a blowout in the Seahawks' favor. I mean, it really is. I mean, I saw a bunch of posts that said, well, the Chargers didn't really lose. You know, Seattle, you know, the Chargers, the Seattle didn't win. The Chargers lost the game. And, you know, I really disagreed with that, man. I mean, I think Seattle really outplayed them. Everybody except for Phillip Rivers. That dude put on a clinic. I think it was four turnovers by the Chargers when all was said and done. Four or five. Four or five. Four or five.

8:55That's terrible. That's the funny thing. When we lose, it's like, well, we shouldn't have lost. We should have won. It's like, no, we lost. Then it's, hey, you know, I've said this for years now. This is a Ferrari, the team. I mean, in terms of the players, it's a Ferrari. It's just, you know, how come they don't win? How come such a good football team can lose this way? How do you lose to Matt Hasselbeck, man? How does Matt Hasselbeck get you? Yeah. You know, and... He managed the game, and, you know, I think he threw a pick or threw one or two picks. But, you know, it just – it was – I got home right in time to see most of the second half. I listened to it on the way home from the airport. But, dude, just – Rivers just standing in the pocket, slinging heat everywhere, just throwing bombs. Guys are making plays, and they just couldn't get it done, man. Special teams just killed them. And Leon Washington – Should have run back three kicks. He ran back two, and he missed one by a hair. He tripped. Had he not tripped, that's three returns. Oh, he tripped. He tripped. He beat the kicker and then tripped. His ankle gave out or his knee twisted, and he hit the deck. I mean, that was number three right there. It could have been a lot worse. And how is it that the Kansas City Chiefs and Matt Castle looks like an all-pro? Like, what's up with that team? Three and O, man. In our division. Yeah. And who should be?

10:17Who should be 3-0 right now? The San Diego Chargers or the Kansas City Chiefs? Absolutely. It's weird. It's just, oh, come on. I just, it's frustrating. I love them. I love them. I love them. But, boy, it's frustrating. You know what's really bad about it all? I'm watching the Chargers game, and they're losing, and then you flip over to the Padres game, and they're losing 12-2. Oh, they got smoked. This is awesome. Yeah. It was great San Diego sports. Yeah. Hey, thanks for the call. Appreciate it. All right, guys. Thanks, Ziggy. Have a good one. M1 Herald. from San Marcos. What's up, dude? Hey, how you guys doing? What up? You know, I don't think Chargers ever are serious after about six weeks in. It's pretty normal for them to go two and four. It's brutal. It's brutal. I mean, I don't like it. I mean, great. They heat up later, great. Don't. Yeah, I don't like it either. But I think we're really seeing the loss of Cosimo's good in our special teams. Yeah, sure. I mean, but when you put it all together, you're like...

11:14We didn't lose that game yesterday because Kasim's in Jacksonville. That's not why we lost. Well, special teams, I mean, those two touchdowns were on special teams, and that's where Kasim really was shining. Do you think, Harold, that we lost a game yesterday because Kasim's gone? Special teams, I'll just say that. And penalties, too. I mean, you know what? The good news for the Chargers is that Marcus McNeil signed his tender, and he's coming back. That's the big news, and he'll play in week six. You know, watching Dombrowski, he had played, I think, pretty well the first couple games. Not so much yesterday. Hey, listen. Thanks, Harold. Yeah. Say what you want about A.J. Smith. Say what you want about his tactics. Say what you want about him being an egomaniac and a jerk and a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All I know is he did what he did with Vijay on Wednesday. And on Saturday, Marcus McNeil goes, I'll sign. Yeah, I'm in. I'm coming back. I mean, maybe it's coincidence. Yeah. Maybe it's that he goes, oh, man, this dude's real serious. He's not messing around. He's not messing around. I mean, I don't know. But, you know, it's obviously way too early to panic. You can't panic because they've got the talent. No, they've done this before. And they do it all the time. Can't panic, but you can be frustrated. You can be frustrated because, you know, as, hey, you're talking to a Notre Dame fan that's, you know, 1-3 now after a terrible, terrible loss to Stanford. And, you know, you want to beat the teams that you're, finger quotes, supposed to beat.

12:43The Chargers are supposed to beat the Chiefs and the Seahawks. They just are. I mean, they are. On paper, you're supposed to beat them, but that's why they play the games. Yeah. I don't watch college football, but I watched a little bit on Saturday. Yeah. I watched the Boise State game. Oh, man, those guys are fun to watch. They sure are. What is that like to have a team? They're still going? Oh, yeah. What's that like to take care of business? I wouldn't know. Real good, too. They take care of business real good. They do. They look pissed off when they play. They have this giant chip on their shoulder from being in a subpar conference and not getting the respect that they deserve. They deserve. I mean, they beat great, great teams, and they beat them handily, and they were great. Yeah, they took it to Oregon State. I missed a lot of college football Saturday. I was playing in that golf tournament, but my brother and I got home, put that on, and watched a couple other games. Man, I love me some college football. Man, I love college football. I saw a couple of hits from Boise State on some of these Oregon State guys that made me go, ooh, ooh, ooh. They're mean, dude. They are. Boise State. Boise State. I looked at my brother and I go, how sad is it that Boise State is a top five team? They win BCS games. I was like, and the Irish can't even make a bowl. They can't even make a bowl game. What's the deal? They haven't beaten a top 25 team. They're 0 for...

14:07Their last 10, I think, in top 25 teams. Maybe 11 now since they lost to Stanford. They haven't beat a top 25 team in 11 tries. You think NBC is like, this is great. Money well spent, guys. This is really fun. Maybe we get Boise State on here. NBC is committed to showing nationally Notre Dame games. Oh, yeah. Big money. And me as a Notre Dame fan, I'm like, you guys don't even deserve it. You don't have any heart. You have no heart. None. It's a deal. I'm out. I hate it. I don't even want to watch anymore. I'm so mad. Well, you can call. Here's the topics on the table. Obviously, the Chargers. Yeah. And Lindsay Lohan has decided to choose rehab over going back to jail. Because she admitted that she's doing coke. Yeah. If you haven't heard. She admitted she's doing coke. It's in the news. I mean, I don't want to. Back of my mind, I'm like, your dude's going, I don't care, I don't care. And I'm like, I love you, bro. I love you, the dude that don't care. And I get it. It's just news, man. Yeah. It's just news. It is news. She was basically sentenced to jail by one judge. They applied for bail, and another judge granted her bail. She posted $300,000 bail and was released late Friday night. And, you know, the new thing is I'm sure this is a pretty calculated move by her attorney saying, hey, listen, you're out of jail.

15:32Time to go to rehab. Time to check in, do a 30-day stint. And, you know, hopefully it works for her. But she's got to have the scram bracelet on again. So that's it, man. She'll be in rehab. She's going to go. Yeah. I was talking to my wife about it. We got home yesterday and she had bought a Vanity Fair magazine. There's an article about Lindsay in there. And what it said basically was Lindsay said, hey, listen, this is what people do. This is what young kids do. Like Coke? Yeah, like experiment. And she's like, I didn't go to college. This is my college. Does Jamie said this? No, no, no. Lindsay Lohan said this in the Vanity Fair article. Oh, she said. She said, this is what young people do. And a lot of people go to college. They experiment. I didn't go to college. This is my college. Yeah, here's the thing, Lindsay. And by the way, I have known young people in their 20s that have addiction problems. Sure. That's their rap. Yeah. This is what you do. Hey, listen. All 20-year-olds party. All 20-year-olds do not get the DUIs. Not all of them. And yes, some of them haven't gotten DUIs because they're lucky. Yes, that is true. But when you're unlucky, as you are, Lindsay, and you get popped, and you continue to party.

17:01What a lot of 20-year-olds would do is they'd get popped and they'd go, I got to chill out. Yeah. But when you don't chill out and you get popped again, that's when somebody may say, huh, yeah, I realize that you're 20, you're having fun, you made a mistake and all that. But in light of the mistake, you're still choosing to do some crazy stuff. Well, it's just sad that she, it looks like from her, the example her parents are setting, she just has never been taught to own up. Yeah. You know what that is, by the way? We talked about this before. A lot of times when parents mess up, if they get a divorce, especially in that situation when parents might mess up because they get a divorce, and they see in their kids that it has affected their kids, that the divorce has affected their kids, and they see that their kids are heartbroken, beaten up, blah, blah, blah. There is a sense of guilt in the parent.

18:01And so when the kid is doing things that would otherwise cause the parent to throw the smack down, they do not throw the smack down out of a sense of guilt. And they go, how am I supposed to look at my kid and go, no, you don't. And you're busted and blah, blah, blah. When my kid is going to look at me and go, really? You? Yeah. And I'm going to be more of a monster in my kid's eyes. Instead, I think I'll just quote unquote. Be cool. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And, you know, reading this article, man, I read it on the plane because I was bored out of my skull. But it was pretty sad because she worked with Meryl Streep and, you know, all these people. Meryl Streep said, hey, this girl's got it. She is. She's talented. Whatever it is that makes you an actress, her quote was, she is in command of the craft. Yeah. So she'd know. I mean, when Meryl Streep says. Yeah. It's like Jeter coming to me. That Woods is a good ball player. That guy can play ball. That's a pretty big compliment. And she was making like $7.5 million a film. So the college argument was like, well, Lindsay, not all college students have the opportunity to do something as great as you can. Just get out of your own way. And you see these pictures. I was looking at Jamie. I go, look how gorgeous she is. She's beautiful. She's like movie star, classic movie star beauty. Gorgeous.

19:28Just a train wreck right now. Yeah. Well, so that's what's going on. And the other thing that's going on is San Diego is located approximately 25 miles from the sun. Yeah. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. And it was hot yesterday. Oh, it felt nice. Really hot weekend. Don't get it. It's September 27th. Summer, baby. I'm not complaining. Here we go. Yeah, me either. Summer is here. Official day of autumn, you said, L-O-B? September 22nd. Weird. And it's called the what? The autumnal equinox. Fall equinox to the layperson. It's not an easy thing to say. It's not. So don't you beat yourself up about that. What'd you guys do? Get out in the sun and stuff? Oh yeah. No. I laid on my back all weekend in my chair. Ice pack. I was at the beach all weekend. Although I did. Show off. Saturday night I went to this new place down in Little Italy called Craft and Commerce. Yeah. And it was small and all of us were like, we're so hot. And it was like an unfamiliar feeling. Like I didn't, I haven't known what it's like to feel like that in like a year.

20:44We were inside, but it still had an open patio. It was nighttime. It's never warm at night in San Diego. Was it good? Was the food good? Yeah, you would like it. I would? Was it foodie food? What was it? No, I mean, it's not foodie food. It's just very, like, they do very interesting things with their food. What'd you get? It's very meat heavy. Oh, yeah, I like that. You would probably like it. Me and you both. I got fried chicken, but it's not, yeah, it wasn't fried in the traditional sense. Like, it wasn't breaded. It wasn't really fried. It was more baked, and it wasn't really chicken. It was more tofu. No, it was still fried, but it was, like, I don't know if it was, like, skinless fried chicken. I don't know. It was good. I liked it. That's weird. One of your rejoiners says, I don't like fried chicken. I don't, but given the choice, I just figured I was going to take the skin off, but then it came and it wasn't like that. I went to Balboa Park. Weird. I know. Was it hot? I have a wife. That's why I went. Of course. You wouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have gone, but I'm glad. She forces me to do things that I like. Yeah.

21:50And I wouldn't know it. Once you get there, you like it. Once I get there, I have fun. The whole trip up to it is a giant beating, I'm sure. Sure. I'm like, what am I going to do? I mean, I'm not cultured. What did you do? We went to the Aerospace Museum, which I oddly enjoyed looking at how tornadoes are made. Of course you did. Of course. You love documentaries. You would love that stuff. I liked it. Yeah. I didn't like walking. Walked a lot. Don't like that, you know? Sorry, I'm being honest. I know a lot of people go, what a slob. I'm just telling you the truth. I don't like to walk a lot. I don't really like it. It was very, very warm out. I get chafed. I use Bala powder. I use baby powder. Bala powder is better. I know. I keep hearing this. Groominglounge.com. I'll check it out. It's for the boys. You put it on your boys. I'll check it out. I should have used it on Saturday at the golf tournament. Dude, if you use Bala powder one time, you'll go sold. Really?

22:47Dude, you'll say. Once you go Bala, you never go back. Bala. Yeah, Bala. Maybe bring me some. All right, I'll order you some. You'll like it. It's real good. But I didn't like to walk. Didn't like it at all. Saw some M1s out there. Really? You did? Nice. Yep. That's so nice. And our Hungarian nanny, Nita, she tried peanut butter and jelly for the first time. It's so funny. So funny. I love it. What do you call this? Sandwich? It's a sandwich. Sandwich. But what is inside? It's peanut butter and jelly. You eat together? Never heard of it. Yeah, we do. You don't do that in Hungary? No. We have peanut butter, but not very popular. We use the peanut butter for the dog and cat. Yeah, the dog and cat.

23:45We don't eat filth. We use it if dog or cat or cow. Cow. Eat. Yeah, we use it if horse or cow need to take pill. You get it in stocking when you're not good on Christmas. Little boy and girl get skippy as a sign of your evil. Usually when you say bad words, mom, wash mouth, peanut butter. It's very horrible. If we are trying to kill weeds, we will put peanut butter on the weed. Father used for cracked heel. Athlete's foot, I think you call. Oh, yes, yes. Sheep eat this. But only very poor farmer use this to feed sheep.

24:43It exists, yes. Three, four bottles, a can. Nine cents. She was trying it like we put a turd on a rice cracker. Really? She's so cautious. What kind of jam? It was grape. Oh, perfect. Yeah. That's funny. She said, you know, we eat jam, but never together. Never together to put peanut butter into it. She thought it was hilarious. Yeah, and I told her. I said, she thought I was hysterical. And I told her, I said, it's so, I go, it's so natural here. I said that we even have a phrase. It's like peanut butter and jelly. I said, if you had a good friend that was a boy and you had a good friend that was a girl and you put them together and they really hit it off and loved one another, you would say that they were like peanut butter and jelly. Like PB&J. She got that. Lamb and tuna fish? Yes. It's more like peanut butter and lamb go better together than this garbage. It's great. 5701949.

25:55is our number. You want to text us? 949mikey at gmail.com. Sexual assault in Encinitas of all places. And we have a description and details. There's actually three guys involved. They don't have a description of the driver, but they do have a description of the two guys that sexually assaulted this teenager from high school. We'll tell you what high school she was walking by. We'll give you a description of these dudes. We'll do the panel. His Facebook. Causing a problem with addiction. We'll tell you. Hang on. Going to give you the details on the sexual assault that happened in Encinitas. Made big news over the weekend. Tell you all about it in a bit. Word of the day, preposterous. Wait for me to use that word in a sentence between now and 10 o'clock. And then when you do, just be caller number 985-701-949. And you will win tickets to go see the pods take on the Cubs. We're coming down to the wire now. And Eskimo Blue Waters.

27:16who a listener has made Eskimo Blue Waters her own Twitter account. Come forward. Who are you? She's now on Twitter. Show yourself. That's right. So we'll be giving you all that. And Woodsy will be giving you the latest of what's going on in sports in just a second. Representative Jeff Davis, Republican from Kentucky on raising taxes. If we let this go to the next step with the reversion of these tax levels to the 2000... year levels, it will create an economic Katrina in this country. Yeah, it might. It might. We'll see. All I know is that it's a scary thing. It's a very scary thing, and I think the taxes are going way up. Sexual assault in Encinitas. Three dudes, and it was a high school girl. It happened in the middle of the day, right? 15-year-old, man. A 15-year-old girl was on her way home from school. How do you say that, LLB? San Egito. San Egito. High school in Encinitas. She's walking along Melba Road about 410 in the afternoon. A white four-door sedan pulls up next to her. They grab her, pull her in the car, sexually assault her, drive around, and then push her out of the vehicle. Unbelievable. Three Latino males between 20 and 32 years old. I'll give you a description. Let's find these guys because it scares me to death.

28:41And we got to get their sketches. Their sketches in the Tribune today. So take a look. I mean, seriously, we're going to try to get them up on MikeyShow.com or the MikeyShow fan page on Facebook. And both. MikeyShow.com, too. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so six feet tall with a thin build, brown eyes, and a thin mustache. Light brown complexion and a shaved head. He has a tattoo on the back of his head. Possibly a six or a 619. Right. He was wearing black long-sleeved shirt and baggy blue jeans. The other suspect was 5'8 to 5'10. Light brown eyes, medium build, dark brown complexion with some acne. Protruding ears, small goatee. He was wearing a white t-shirt and blue shorts. Dirtbags. Dude, dirtbags. Yeah. Scumbags. Makes me think it's gang. Yeah. Like gang initiation maybe? I don't know, but I'm just like, it would be very unusual to me that three just buddies are like, let's go rape a girl. Maybe if they were doing drugs or something like that. I don't know. It's crazy because when I was growing up, I went to a school that had buses. Nobody really walked to school. And I know that school, the kids, they get to walk to and from school, walk places on their lunch break and stuff, and to think that now they've got to be scared to be walking around their own neighborhood. Do you outfit your kids with some pepper spray maybe? If you're a 15-year-old girl, I think I do. I don't think you can. You can't. You can't send them to school. They can't take it with them.

30:09If that were the case, maybe you'd give them a Luger. 100% 9mm. But they're not allowed. Not allowed to take that to school. Yeah, my kids all walked to that school. Do they really? Mm-hmm. They did. They did? Yeah. I think it's sad that, you know, this is... Sorry, man. It's 2010. Well, if anybody knows who these clowns are, call them in. Get them in. Make an anonymous phone call. We don't need another situation that's happened here, you know. twice in the last couple of years with Chelsea King and Amber Dubois. I mean, we just, we don't need it. You know, we don't want it. Nobody wants that. Trips me out. It just scares me to death to have children, you know. Trips me out to think, you know, I was watching, my dad and I, it's so funny, I was talking to my dad yesterday. Went to get the oil changed in my wife's car. Oh yeah, I gotta tell you that story, by the way. Went to get the oil changed and I was talking to my dad on the way over there and I said, it was yesterday morning. I said, what'd you do yesterday, Dad? He goes, you know what I did? He goes, I watched a lot of television. He said, I watched a bunch of episodes of the show Gangland, and then I watched this other program about how things are made. Weird. I said, really? Apple doesn't fall too far, does it, pal? I said, man, I did the same thing you did, Dad.

31:34And, you know, these gang shows, I was watching these gang shows and it made me think, like, it's just strange to me that there's not a gear in there that says, this is so wrong. You know, that I can't do this. This is so wrong. I guess it's just a childhood that was so ugly. Yeah. I think. I think it's kind of cyclical and it's kind of... Like a callusing that happens early. I don't know. Yeah. It's a great way to put an L.A.B. They get desensitized early. Desensitized early. You think about it. I mean, I know I've done some bad stuff in my life. I've been in plenty of trouble with the law and this and that. But I never ever wanted to cause terror or pain to somebody other than myself. You know, the only person I ever really hurt, you know, physically or whatever was myself. I never, never wanted to hurt anybody. Never. It's a weird psychology. It is, man.

32:37Anyway, so. We'll keep our eye on that for sure. We'll get the sketches up. And if anybody knows anything, call the authorities. Which is going to tell us what's going on in the sports world. Little Woods on Sports. Good to have them back. It's good to be back. Woods, Woods. Woods on Sports. Brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, it was a rough week. Well, I guess it wasn't a rough weekend for the Padres. They took two out of three from the Reds. But I'll tell you what, man. They lost. Game three yesterday in front of 26,131 people at Petco Park. They're in first place. Let me say it again. 26,131 people. You know what capacity is? 46,000 people. What's going on? 20,000 tickets. Weird. In September. Independent race. In the lead for the West.

33:45I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. I'm going to get killed. We got to go. We got to go. I'm going to get killed, but. Oh, no. You don't deserve a playoff team. You don't. You don't want it. You don't go. You don't deserve it. Period. If Woods is wrong, tell me why Woods is wrong. Tell me why I'm wrong. I agree. Why do you deserve it? Hey, man. It's kind of like I want to go to Disneyland and I get terrible grades. How do I look at my parents and be like, I deserve to go to Disneyland? Yep. What? You know what I mean? I just said it. You don't deserve it. Any other city, you have rally monkeys. Oh, yeah. The place goes in Anaheim. And everyone will say, well, it's San Diego. There's a million things to do. Hey, Anaheim's a pretty good city, too. There's things to do there, too. There's things to do in Anaheim. It's less than 100 miles away from here. There's things to do in Philadelphia. There's some things to do in New York City as well, and there's some things to do in Boston and these places that get behind their teams and they sell out because you know what? Nothing is going to pump those guys up more than walking out and have 46,000 fans on their feet every pitch in the middle of a pennant race. Now that the half came out, the Giants are playing really good baseball. So I said it. I'm going to get killed for it, and I don't care. You don't deserve a playoff team. Good luck next year. I think I know why. I have another theory. Why we don't go.

35:08Why? My other theory why we don't go is because it's so expensive to live in Southern California, particularly San Diego. It's pretty expensive in Manhattan, too. I know it is, but I don't think that that's who's going to the game. I don't think that's who's going to the game. I ran across an article. You can go to a pottery game for $5. Five bucks. Ten bucks. Oh, yeah. You can sit out in the center field. You just blew my theory. So you're right. Why aren't we going? I don't go because I'm tired. I'm tired. That's why I don't go. It's far. See? It's far. Parking. You know what? It's sad. It's really. Really, really, really sad. Anyway, that's my soapbox. I've been giving it to you all year. I'm not going to stop now. I'm going to get killed for it. Woods, you don't understand what it's like. You know you've never lived here before. You know what? I know what it takes to be a winner, and you ain't got it. You don't have it. Maybe Woods is right. I mean, I kind of have to. If Woods is wrong, tell me why. Call me and tell me why I'm wrong. 570-1949. I want to know.

36:08All right, I'm off my box now. All right, here we go. We're going to run through the NFL real quick if we've got a second. The Steelers, there we go. The Steelers beat the Buccaneers 38-13. The Steelers are playing well without Ben Roethlisberger, so that's interesting to see. Carson Palmer stinks because he's my fantasy team quarterback, but they did manage to beat the Panthers 20-7. The New England Patriots were in a battle with the Bills yesterday, 38-30. They were on top, though, the Patriots. The Chiefs are 3-0, 31-10 over the Niners. The Tennessee Titans beat up on the New York Giants 29-10. The Ravens 24. The Browns 17. Another good game. The Atlanta Falcons 27 over the New Orleans Saints. Great game. Overtime game. Overtime. Garrett Hartley missed a field goal from like 26 yards. That's your kicker, right? Yep. 27-24. The Falcons over the Saints. Seahawks 27. Chargers 20. North Turner had a little bit to say. He sounded a little nervous in this clip. Cut one. A group of fighters. Wait, wait, wait. We've got a lot of stuff going on. This team has got a group of fighters. If they weren't, they wouldn't have come back and tied this game up. It's as competitive a group as I've ever been around, as close a group as I've ever been around. That's why we've been able to manage some tough situations since I've been here, and that's why we'll manage this situation. They'll be fine. They're going to be okay. I guess this is their bet. I think we have Norv.

37:36Oh, is Norv on the phone? I think we have him on the line. Yeah, this is Norv Turner. Hey, Norv. Hey, how you doing, Wizzy? Good, buddy. How you doing? Not too good after yesterday. You sleep one off last night? Yeah. That was a tough plane ride home after everything that happened yesterday. And, you know, I just wanted to kind of explain to the fans why we didn't win yesterday. In particular, what my problem was yesterday. What was that? I'm going to be honest with you. I had a lot on my mind. Oh, that's good. A lot of other things on my mind. First of all, we got a broken water heater at the house. Yeah, broken water heater. We got a broken water heater at the house. That'll do it. And I've told my wife a million times, you know, things under warranty. And, you know, it's like we're not getting that thing fixed. And I said, how many times do we have to get into the shower? Five minutes of hot water. And, you know, I'd like to take a long one. Yeah, maybe you focus on the game. Yeah, I think so. Stay in a hotel. You get paid a lot of money. You know what? That's easy to say. Hard to do. I guess, yeah. When you're sitting there on the sideline trying to call plays and all you're thinking in your head is, that dadgum thing is under warranty. I told you that 14 times. You got to change your focus. Yeah, you really do, North. Maybe I should be thinking about focus.

38:57And all that stuff. But the other deal is we are drastically overpaying our gardener. And I told my wife that. I said, neighbors are paying about $100 less a month than we are. And I said, you know. You can have a conversation with Julio and ask him why so much money. And she said, oh, I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him. She never talks to him. So here's what I got. I got Julio and a water heater. Oh, wow. Maybe you watch some game film. Yeah. Worry about that on a Wednesday. Come game time. Put that aside. It's easy for you two to say you don't have Julio and a water heater. That's true. We got our own problems, though. She probably had a nice warm bath this morning. Manicured lawn. Yeah, that's true. I do. Easy for you. We got to check our personal life at the door once we get here. Right. Problems. That's the difference between me and you. I don't have to. I don't have to check it. You should. I can stress over it all the time. You should. It shows on the field. Yeah, it does. Oh, well, whatever. Maybe get back to the drawing board. All right. That's where I'm going. Oh, boy. Well, there were a couple of teams that were also in panic mode. The Minnesota Vikings were one of them. They were 0-2. But you know the cure for what ails you?

40:05The Detroit Lions. Always real sweet. They're like medicine. Yeah, it's like a nice little elixir. Here's Brett Favre talking about that win. It's cut three. You know, it's one game. It's a win. It wasn't the prettiest of wins, but nonetheless, it was a win. Made a few more plays in the passing game. Still not enough, but it was enough to help us win. And, you know, our defense played outstanding. Our run game was, I should say. Our Adrian Peterson was pretty good today. Just laying in the hammock. That's right. Just kicking back. Ice-cold Budweiser in his hand. Straw hat. Also, the Dallas Cowboys were fully expected to go 0-3 yesterday. The Texans had been looking great. Well, they went out. Cowboys went out and took care of business. Roy Williams finally, finally, after we gave up the whole draft for the guy, goes out and plays. Did I just say we? Ooh, I didn't mean to. Well, they won 27-13 over the Texans. Romo had a good day. Defense played really well. There's a new top dog in Philly. Yeah, how about that? Yeah, his name's Mike Vick. He's a good football player. Real good. Yeah, they won 28-3 over the Jags. He had four touchdowns. Are you kidding me? Four touchdowns. I think he threw for three and ran for one. He's filthy. Oh, my gosh. Here is PETA's man of the year, cut two. If you go back to my days in Atlanta, I always felt like we did a good job in the red zone. Always had a high.

41:28efficiency and percentage in the red zone. And I was able to score a lot of points. And, you know, I get down there, my eyes light up. And I think everybody else on this football team does, too. Like a dog when he sees a treat. Oh, boy. No pun intended. St. Louis Rams, 30. The Redskins, 16. How do you lose to the Rams? Oh, wow. The Colts, 27. Broncos, 13. That's good for the Chargers. Yeah. The Cardinals, 24. The Raiders, 23. Seabass misses a... chip shot field goal that would have given the Raiders the win. Rough. And then the Jets. It was a great game last night, 31-23 over the Dolphins. That's Woods on sports. I'm sure about to get filleted here. Well, M1 Brad from PB is on the line. Are you there, Brad? Yeah, I'm here. What's going on, guys? Not too much. What do you think? Hey, you know, maybe you're right, Woods. Maybe we don't deserve a playoff berth or anything like that, but I was just going to give you a take on why people aren't going to the game. Let's hear it. I'm fascinated. I believe that in cities like New York, you look at Chicago, Anaheim, people all live relatively close to the stadium, all within maybe 15, 20 minutes to get there, 30 minutes to get there. But in San Diego, you're looking at 45 minutes to an hour-long drive everywhere you go, and public transportation doesn't just drop you off right there. And when you get in your car and you drive down there, you have a couple beers, drive all the way home. It's just too much of a risk and too much money, and it's better just to watch it on high-def TV. You know, I mean, I get it. I get it.

42:55I totally get it because, you know, I like football, but I don't really go to games. I go to a lot of college games when I can. But, dude, I don't know. It's just to have a team that really was not supposed to be where they are now, and they're in it. They got one of the best pitching staffs in the majors. I'm telling you, if these guys make the playoffs, they have the tools to go far. They really do. I mean, I know baseball, and these guys have what it takes. And for, you know, 20,000 seats to be empty in September, the excuse is there's really, I mean, other than, you know, a bomb scare, there's really nothing that you're going to tell me that I'm going to be like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. Because, you know, there's traffic everywhere. Every game is expensive. You know, people make some money here. You can go, you can put 46,000 people in that stadium. Do you know what's interesting about race? I think that's interesting about what Brad says is that it's kind of like driving to an away game. Is there nothing to that, or is there something to that? Well, I grew up in New Jersey, and any time, not so much the Eagles because those tickets were more expensive, but any time the Flyers or the Phillies were in any sort of playoff standing or soon-to-be playoff standing, we were in the car. We drove like an hour. My dad would pack up the kids, and we would go, you know, if you could. Yeah. It's a big risk just to get in your car and drive down there because, well, in my age, Brad, you're going to go and have a couple.

44:20sodas, and you're going to want to get in your car and drive home, and then you're in downtown, and you park in a parking garage, it costs you $20, and then you have to spiral out of that thing. It takes you an hour and a half. These are the reasons that LOB was saying, and I think she may be right. M1 Shannon from San Diego, you there? I'm here. Go ahead. I just think that San Diego is such a melting pot of people. There's not very many native San Diegans throughout here anymore. I myself am, and every time I actually go to the stadium, have to have a Giants fan to my left, my right, in front of me. It's actually discouraging to even go. And I know that that's kind of the epitome of being a true fan is to, like, stick up for them no matter what. But there's just so few native San Diegans and Padre fans that you almost just don't want to go. You can see the other fans there so excited. And that's sad, too, because when you have the Dodgers in town and your whole stadium is blue, it is disheartening. But, I mean, how do you change that? You know how you change it? You go to the game. Go to the game. It's really easy. It's a really easy fix, you guys. I mean, it's not rocket science. The way it boils down is this, and there really is no debate. Your team is in a pennant race. Go support your team, period. And I've been saying it since, you know, July. Yeah, you have. This is a team that is loaded with talent, and they are so far over their heads right now achieving that it's scary. And if they can get in, they can do something.

45:48I'm telling you right now with their pitching and their, you know, Tejada and Ludwig and all these guys coming through and Gonzo having a career year. Get out there. If you got to be at work at eight this morning, you got an hour and five minutes. Want to let you know today is supposed to be one of the hottest days of the year today. It'll be hot. So over a hundred in some areas. Mandatory today for men and women. They're saying all men and women must wear a bikini to work. Men and women must wear a bikini. I heard topless. My kind of day. My kind of day. I heard topless was the key thing. Well, I mean, I only say that because I think that Woods and L.O.B. and Jay and Will were probably wondering why I was wearing this leopard print bikini. I was. Thank you so much. Real quick, real quick. What are they saying about Facebook? And Twitter. Well, there was this college, Harrisburg University of Science and Technology in central Pennsylvania. I know. You know Harrisburg? I know Harrisburg, yeah. They did an experiment where they would not let their students, 800-student college, they said no social networking for a week. No Facebook, no Twitter, no nothing. But they were allowed to go on MySpace. They were? No. Nothing. They said this one guy.

47:11Basically, they want to experiment. Yeah, see how they react to it. People are insane. They said they were sneaking out of class to check their smartphones, losing their minds. They said it is basically addiction. It's fully addicted. They said one student felt compelled to check Facebook 21 hours a day and blocked posts between 2 and 5 in the morning to get some sleep. Question, Woodsy. Yes, sir. Panel question. Is Facebook addicted? A few questions here for you. So I'm going to throw a few questions to you. Okay. Is Facebook and Twitter addictive? Are you, Woodsy, addicted to it? And the third question is, why are these two in particular addictive, but you don't hear much about the MySpace addiction? Go ahead, Woods. I think, yes, they are addictive. I think... Two, yes, I probably am addicted. And MySpace, for me, and I know people flip out about it, but it just seems creepy to me. There's two things that MySpace was good for. Creeping on girls and checking out bands and their new music. Facebook sucks for music. It just does. LOB, are you addicted to Facebook? And what's up with MySpace?

48:36And also, I want to know, if you are addicted to it, how much? Explain. Okay. Yes, I am addicted to Facebook. When we were gone, when you had your surgery, we were gone for two weeks. I was like, all right, for two weeks, no Facebook. I had to take it out of my history, take it off my bookmarks. And after a week, I still snuck back on. I couldn't stop myself. Twitter, I'm not addicted to. MySpace, it got ghetto. Once you could really personalize, like add wallpaper to it and glitter stuff and animated icons and all that stuff. Got annoying. Yeah, and Facebook stays like clean and ubiquitous for everybody. Everybody's got the white page with the same font, same lettering, you know. And it also seems like, I mean, at least my perception was that MySpace was very young. Yeah. Okay, my take is, yeah, I think it's addictive. I don't have a personal page anymore. I have a fan page, which I'm still, you know, I go to that all the time. I don't have a personal page anymore because it was overwhelming. You know, there were so many people that were sending me emails and messages, and I couldn't ignore them. It became overwhelming, and I was putting too much concentration in it, and I was neglecting my family.

49:56And I was neglecting, you know, that stuff because it took up so much time. Yeah. Which, by the way, is the definition of addiction. Yep. Yeah. Can I have an addictive personality? I spend at least like once I'm on there, I'm on for like an hour at a time. And it can happen a couple times a day. And there's a couple hours of my day gone. And you'll be like, what? What did I do? What did I just do? I looked at pictures of like John Simpson from seventh grade. Sure. For an hour. Yeah. Stephen Colbert, did you know that he... This is so weird. He was in front of Congress, and one of these old crotchety dudes, politicians, asked him to leave. It's the weirdest audio, and I'll play it next. Interesting fact about this album. Play it on me. This is very unusual, but every single song on this album was a single. No kidding. Every single song on this album... was on the radio. No kidding. Yeah, I mean, with most albums, you'll have one or two. Every single song on this album was a radio hit. Holy crap, I'm looking at them right now. Yeah. You're right. Read them. Hell's Bells. Yep. Shoot to Thrill. Yep. What Do You Do for Money, Honey? Which was that one. That one. Giving the Dog a Bone. Yep. Let Me Put My Love Into You. That was on the radio. What does that mean? Back in Black.

51:55Huge song. You shook me all night long. Have a drink on me. Shake a leg. Rock and roll ain't noise pollution. Holy crap, the whole record. Every song. That's awesome. Yeah, it's pretty rare. Is it because they kept doing so well? They're like, man, throw out another one. Yeah, pretty much. It just killed. I had that on 8-track. Did you really? I did. I had it on 8-track. Clunk, clunk. I'm going to go to the next three songs or whatever. When I was a little kid, I loved the song, Giving the Dog a Bone. Really? Which I didn't know what it meant. I thought I was giving the dog a bone. I'm in on that. I like that phrasing. I started using that. Watched a documentary this weekend. Two-hour documentary on Rush. Huge. Was it awesome? Yeah, because I didn't know. I like Rush. I like Rush. I knew nothing about them, I realized. Really? Geddy Lee is the man. Neil Peart is the man, too. Did you know Neil Peart wasn't their drummer? No. Neither did I. Where'd they find that guy? Dude. Can I tell you this story real quick? I'd love to hear it. Kind of interesting. So they have this drummer, and Neil Peart, excuse me, Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson, the guitar player, they were buddies since they were little, little boys. They grow up, they play music together, and they find this drummer at their school. And he's pretty good. His name's John. He's pretty good. And John...

53:20has diabetes. But in addition to having diabetes, he's not the greatest drummer. He's okay. He's okay. He's kind of like Gypsy Rose's drummer. Okay. That was the band you were in. That was a dig. Yeah, he wasn't good. So they are recording these demos and they're sending them to all of these record companies in Canada. And no one in Canada, because that's where they're from, and no one in Canada is interested. Nobody. And so they send their demo. to all of these radio stations in America. And they're trying to get some airplay in America. And they send a song to Cleveland to a very famous radio station that I almost worked for called WMMS. And WMMS plays the song.

54:16And what they were looking for, the program director for the radio station said, at the time, they were looking for bathroom songs. Now, for those of you that don't work in radio, you don't know what that is. But what it is, is back in the days when you used to play records and not CDs and stuff, you needed long songs so that you could go pee. Or do number two. Yeah. Or do... Stairway to heaven. Yeah. Have a smoke. Free bird. Yeah. And so... Working Man was a long song. Such a jam. It was a long song. Yeah. And so the program director at WMMS puts it on and goes, not only is it a long song, it basically personifies every dude in Cleveland. Absolutely, dude. Gives me chills hearing this song. I love that tune. Never heard this song. Oh, Jamie hates it so much. So they play Working Man, right? Phones light up and everybody's going. what is that new Zeppelin song? What is that new Zeppelin song? And they're like, no, no, no. It's not Zeppelin. It's this new band from Canada called Rush. And everybody is in on it. And they're like, where can we buy it? Where can we get it? Whatever. So they send, this program director, sends this album, this 45 of this song, to a big record company in Chicago. They listen to it once and they go,

55:42We got to have them. So they call Geddy Lee and Rush's manager, and they're just kids. And they say, don't sign with anybody. I don't know if you've signed with anybody, but don't sign with anybody until we talk to you. And they're like, okay. And so they go, we really love the band. Don't know about that drummer. And so they have an out. He's got diabetes. He's a party animal. He can't tour. He can't tour. If we take him on the road, it'll kill him. Oh, boy. So they can him. And they don't know what they're going to do. They need a drummer, and they're going to go on the road. Their first show that they're going to play is two weeks away. It's in Pittsburgh, opening for the Manfred Mann Band. Oh, my gosh. And Uriah Heep. Oh, wow. Right? Quite a bill. Turd.

56:44There was this real nerdy, dorky, bizarre, tall, gangly kid named Neil Peart who drummed for this band around the Chicago area. Now, right now, he was working at his dad's auto parts store. Oh, my God. So the record company calls over there. No, no, no, excuse me. The record company, they interviewed the dad, Neil Peart's dad. And he says, yeah, we were working one day and a white Corvette pulled up. He said, and white Corvettes don't pull up in front of our auto parts. He said, so as soon as I saw it pull up, I knew something was going on. And they talked to Neil and Neil was really, really conflicted. And he said, dad, I'm working for you. They want me to go play in this band called Rush. And I don't know what to do. And the dad said, I told him two things. One, we have to talk to your mother. We have to see what your mother says. How old is he at the time? He's like 19. Something like 19. And he's got short hair. And he did. He looked real nerdy. And Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson have long hair. They got the mutton chops. They look cool. And so the dad says.

58:09You have to at least give it a try because I know that this is your dream. You have to give it a try. So he loads his drum kit into his Pinto. Holy cow. And he drives over there. Then the camera switches over to Geddy Lee and Geddy Lee goes in current day and Geddy Lee goes, we saw this gangly tall dork unloading his drum kit from his Pinto. He said, and as soon as both of us saw him, we thought, how could he be in this band? He's not cool enough to be in this band. He said, and then he started playing those drums. Best. The best. He goes, he started to play those drums and he goes, I looked at Alex. He said, and neither of us had ever heard anybody hit the drums like that before. And they were showing Alex Lifeson, or excuse me, they're showing Neil Peart in current day doing a little drum solo and he stops in the middle of it. And they're like, why did you stop? And he goes,

59:11And he looks down and the camera pans down. He broke a drum head. Oh, my. That's how hard. He hits the drums and that's how hard he bangs that bass drum. Wow. Then they go over to Neil Peart. They want to know what Neil Peart's thoughts were on the first meeting. And he says, I was a dork and I saw these guys and I knew that they were much cooler than I was. And he said, and I played that first time for them and I knew it. I blew it. He said, I knew I blew it. He thought that he blew it. And to them, it was some of the best drumming that they had ever heard in their life. Now, my wife, who could care less about Rush, even though it was the first concert she ever saw in her life, my wife Rebecca, she says, why is he thought of as such a great drummer? And I said, well, first of all, babe, he's probably the best drummer. Ever. Yeah. He's probably the best drummer ever. I don't think there's any question. Yeah. Bonham is up there with me, but. There are great drummers. There are great drummers, but she wanted to know. Well, why do they say that he's so great? I said, all you have to do is listen to the song Tom Sawyer. 100%. All you have to do is listen to the drum solo in Tom Sawyer and hear how different it sounds when he drums.

1:00:41They're showing footage of Neil Peart from back in the 70s. And as good as he is, when he was younger, he was even faster. No way. And he hit even harder. But he does a drum solo in the middle of this song that is, if you've never heard it before, one of the most amazing drum solos ever recorded. Listen to this. They had video footage of them recording this song. Oh, no way! Dude, Geddy Lee, right? Geddy Lee in front of a microphone, sitting on a stool, holding both hands to the side of his headphones, going, and behind him is Neil Peart, gangly, weird, short-haired Neil Peart, just, and Neil Peart goes, you know what? He goes, that's a song I never get tired of playing. He goes, you know why? He said, because it's so hard to play that every time I do it,

1:01:59I feel like I've accomplished something. Absolutely. It's a challenge. Because it's so hard to play it. I've got to see this. Two hours. Where'd you see it? It was on VH1, and it was also on a channel called The Palladium. I got The Palladium. Yeah. Incredible, dude. Oh, my poor wife. I mean, that's a thing. She has never... hated a band more than she hates Rush. I don't hate Rush. I don't think women get it. Yeah, women don't get it. I used to have to send music in to get tested for the radio station I worked at, and it'd always come back just so negative with women Rush. That's what they said in the documentary. They said their fans are mostly men. I was talking to, so funny, I was talking to Barkman, Friday night. And he goes, yeah, I went to a Rush concert once with another buddy of ours, Mike Mayers. And he goes, I'd never been, you know, I liked Rush. I liked 10, 12 songs. He goes, I showed up at the concert. I'm looking good. I'm looking around. I'm like, hey, dude, where's all the girls? And Maris is like, there's no girls here, dude. It's a Rush show. Yeah. All dudes. And like a couple of wives that were texting the whole time that got dragged there. Yeah. Yeah. And it was all dudes.

1:03:05Part of the reason is that Rush was real artsy for a time and did like 13 minute long songs. Like these opuses. Yeah. It's a grand opus, you know. But you hear this. Yep. Maybe it's a guy thing. I love it. I love it. I love it. I do. Free will. It's okay. I like some of it. I don't love it. Yeah. Very few women do. I want to meet a really. I want to meet a really hot Rush girl fan. She may have been hot 20 years ago. I don't think she exists. Well, the other thing they said about them is that they do have a very, very cult following. Oh, yeah. And they're like Kiss fans. You know how rabid those fans are? That was the other thing. They interview Gene Simmons because he had them open for them in their early days. And Gene Simmons goes, I would go back to the hotel.

1:04:08And all I wanted to do when I got back to the hotel was have sex with girls. And these Canadian kids rushed. They would go back to the hotel and watch television. I said, you're not homosexual. What's the matter with these kids? They probably went back and practiced. They went back to their rooms and they watched TV. Ate some pancakes, maple syrup. I love that, dude. Very interesting. Behind the music on the Mikey Show. That's right. Mikey Show. So great. Five people on the Mikey Show. Me, Woodsy, Lauren, Jay, and Sienna. But she's not here. She's out on maternity leave. Every day I hear, when's Sienna coming back? Uh-huh. I don't know. She's got to take time with the baby. Yeah. So she'll be back soon. We don't know and we're not going to ask her. No. It's up to her. We're not going to pressure her. No, we're not. It's her prerogative. She can come back whenever she wants. That's right. That's right. She can take as much time. Take as much time as you need. If she wants to. This is special time with the baby because you never get this time back. That's definitely true. I do too. We all miss her. Yeah, I miss Juggs. I miss old Juggs too. I miss Sienna. And I miss Sienna too. I miss Sienna. Eskimo Blue Waters will be in here in 10 minutes.

1:05:37I hope she's not late, but there's no chance of that. Has she ever been late here? She's usually five hours early. I didn't see her today. I hope she shows up. I did hear some music coming from a distant office. Our old office that we used to use. Somehow I think she finagled her way and I heard her going through scales in her voice. She's here. I know she's here. Stephen Colbert went before Congress because he was asked to. He was invited. And Representative John Conyers, not to be confused with the Terminator, John Connor. Is Conyers from Arizona? He's from Michigan. Look at me. Very old man. He's an older guy. Maybe doesn't get Stephen Colbert. And didn't really want him there. I would like to. recommend that now that we've got all this attention that you excuse yourself and that you let us get on with the three witnesses and all the other members there. Perhaps you've made enough of a mockery of our congressional system that you can get out of here.

1:07:03We're sure it'll be shown on the show tonight. Oh, boy. On the television. Maybe Monday. Monday. I don't know. Say it. You run your show. We run the committee. Chances Edward Sharpe's on his iPod. Chances he was jamming to free will by Rush. Zero percent. On the way to Congress. What do you say to that, Stephen? You didn't hear the question? You don't understand the question. The question was that. No, I'm not asking you not to talk. I'm asking you to leave the committee completely and submit your statement instead. Mr. Chairman. I'm wondering if, for more, Mr. Colbert's microphone isn't on and can't be heard. But whether, having posed the question, we could listen to Mr. Lundgren and Mr. Colbert. Yes, Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren's there for no reason. Yvonne Drago from Rocky IV. Yeah, let's talk to both of them.

1:08:24And while we're at it, let's talk to former boxer Tommy Morrison, who also fought in one of the Rocky movies. Ponder what you said. I think many are eager to hear his comment. That's fair enough. I don't agree with it. I think he's a turd, but that's fair enough. I'm here at the invitation of the chairwoman, and if she would like me to remove myself from the hearing room, I'm happy to do so. I'm only here at her invitation. That is correct. Thank you very much. That's fair enough. Get the hell out of here. That's fair enough. Son of a bitch. Valid points from both ends. They spoke like gentlemen. I just want you to go. I just want you to leave. And leave Dolph Lundgren here because I want to talk to him. I'd like to get his autograph for my great, great, great granddaughter. Imagine, though, the guy probably hasn't watched TV since Lauren Welks. Yeah. He's like, Stephen. You know, when I used to work in Abe Lincoln's cabinet, it was the same thing. So we dealt with a... The same thing. I wonder if that guy's related to Captain Buzzkill. He could be. He sounds a lot like him. Older brother. Yeah. Grandfather. That guy doesn't, that guy probably is like, what is the internet? Yeah. The internet. Just get out of here, Stephen Colbert. You think that guy has a Facebook page? What do you think he tweeted?

1:09:42after this whole thing. He's addicted to it. Stephen Colbert's an a-hole. You think he tweeted that? At Stephen Colbert, shut up. Right. You think he's real stoked about the fact that iTunes just added ping? And now he can communicate with his favorite rock artists? I love ping, by the way. You gotta teach me what it is. How many likes does he have on Facebook? Yeah, how many likes? I don't want ping. That's just another thing. I don't want to know ping. I need Woods to explain it. No. In the continuing soap opera of Katy Perry being pulled off of Sesame Street for her juggy outfit, Good Morning America did what I would probably categorize as one of the most hard-hitting interviews with Elmo and Grover. And this is near. And I love you. So we'll do that next, and then we'll also see Eskimo Blue Waters. Don't go away. Nice what? A short intro to the song. Yeah, but it's good. It's so good. You ever see them live? Once. I've seen them like four times. I saw them at the Super Bowl after 9-11. Easy topper. Yeah, I actually hung out in Bono's pocket. Did you? Slept in his pocket. Wow. Hard to beat that. Did he smell nice? Good band.

1:11:35Smelled of cabbage. Smelled of cabbage. So racist. Hello Qualcomm Stadium. That's the worst Bono I've ever read. I'm Aussie. This is Aussie. I'm Aussie at a U2 concert. But anyway, here's Bono. Can you do an Irish? I can't. I can do it, but I've got to think about it. It's more Scottish. I can do it. I just got to think about it. That's a great Mexican-Irish guy. Yeah, Mexican-Irish. Word of the day is preposterous. So when you hear me work that into a sentence very cleverly, caller number nine gets tickets to go see the pod, stake on the Cubs. 570-194-9 is the number. So Katy Perry, she really caused a buzz, man. Yep.

1:12:34Weird. She did a song for Sesame Street. She was on Sesame Street, and it never aired. And the reason it never aired is because she was too juggy. She was wearing a low-cut top, and it was too juggy, and they didn't want to put it on. She's a juggy girl. Can't help herself. I know. She's hot and she's cold. Well, there's a whole wardrobe department. You think that someone would have been like, maybe we should cover it up. Get a turtleneck going. This is for toddlers. It is for kids. Maybe we put her in something more, you know, less provocative. Correct. That was your bit. Yeah. With it. Yeah, and maybe we don't have her sing hot and cold. Right. Because the lyrics, you know. You know, maybe we don't use Katy Perry, you know, for the kids, for the kiddos. Maybe we keep that for the adults and, you know. That kind of thing. See what that little sweet little Taylor Swift is up to. Yeah. See what Larry Flint's got going on. Yeah. Yeah. It's either going to be Larry Flint or Katy Perry. So Good Morning America interviewed Elmo and Grover. Elmo, Katy seemed a little sad that your play date got cut short of you. Oh, we'll have another one. Elmo loves Miss Katy and we had a good time. So we'll have another play date. You are going to have another play date. Yes. Yes, Miss Katy. Come, come, come, come. We'll have another play date.

1:13:51Question. Yeah. Does dude that does Elmo voice, does he do Elmo voice at the bar with his boys? 100%. He does? Yeah. His friends are like, dude. Come on, man. Do it. This is Elmo. Do it. You know the bit is they meet girls and they're like, what do you do? I'm an accountant. What do you do? I'm in sales. What do you do? I'm in entertainment. Dude, he's freaking Elmo. He's Elmo. No girl would believe it because every girl would be like, because you just do a good Elmo voice, but you're not really the Elmo. Are you the Elmo? Really, I am. That's amazing. Thank you. You want to tickle Elmo? You want to tickle Elmo? Yeah. That's creepy. Do you want to see Elmo's apartment? No. I guarantee you it's gotten him girls before. Oh, yeah. But you don't think that he's been like, dude, when we're out, man, I just, with the Elmo bit, man. Yeah. Does he or do you think he doesn't? I don't know. Maybe he does like a whole ton of voices and he's like, why the Elmo, why are you?

1:15:06Don't tell them about the Elmo one. What about LOB? If I knew you guys and you weren't on the radio with me and we were friends and we went somewhere and you guys did the, this is Mikey, I'd be coming out of my skin. I'd be so uncomfortable. My friends did that bit on Friday night. My friends do it too. Are you okay? No, I tell them to stop it. Oh, it makes me so uncomfortable. You don't go out to bars and do an EBW? No. I don't know how to act. I don't know what my facial expressions should be. I'm completely aware of my facial expressions. I'm like, I'm twitching. My face is twitching right now. My boys call me a DJ. This is our buddy Woods, a DJ in San Diego. Is he a DJ? Yeah. Am I a DJ? Well, yeah. My mom will tell people in New Jersey. I'm like, Mom, they don't care. They don't know what the Mikey Show is in New Jersey. Oh, yeah. When your friends do it in front of people, it's very... I'm comfortable. It is. George, George, how do you like my new outfit? I love it. It's not too revealing, is it? Not in the league. Okay, good. Is that George Stephanopoulos? Is it? I think so. Good morning, America. Yeah. So they come to him that morning and they go, yeah, I know you used to be in the White House and you were a big advisor, but you got Elmo and Grover. Yeah. That's your bit. Here's your script. Here's the questions you need to ask. He's like, really? Elmo and Grover. And he goes, gets.

1:16:25Get Steve and my agent on the phone. Yeah, right now. I'm out. Get him on the phone now. And we need you to pay no attention to the guys below your desk. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You be Stephanopoulos. I'm your agent. Okay. What's going on? Yeah, I was calling because I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here. What's the problem? I used to be a top advisor in the White House. I understand. And now I am interviewing Muppets. Now you're on Good Morning America. Yeah, interviewing Muppets. Yeah, it's the... It's one of the most top-rated television programs in America. I used to be in the White House, lubing the deals, man. I was in there. I was the guy. And now you have a five-year no-cut. You have women crawling all over you every time we go out. Fair enough. You have a five-year no-cut, and you're complaining because you had to interview Grover. Yeah, I don't even know what the no-cut is, but it sounds great. I'm in. It means that if they fire you for any reason, they have to pay your contract out, George. I'm in. Good job. Thank you. Great work. You're welcome. No more Muppets, though. Let's try to limit the Muppets. But Elmo loves you. No, let's just try to limit the amount of Muppets that I interview. Is that Elmo? Really? Because I'm going to get you the sweetest judges on next week? That'd be great. And you stop complaining and just say, thank me. How about a fruit basket? Every once in a while. My agent one year sent me the wrong gift.

1:17:52It's a bottle of scotch? And it's supposed to be for Opie and Anthony. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Every year, my agent would send a fruit basket. One year, I get an Apple TV. Oh, boy. And I'm like, wow. Holy cow. This is really nice. So I talk to him, and I go, Bob, thank you for that Apple TV. No. How's that? The Apple TV? I got the Apple TV that you sent me. You did? Oh. You're welcome. No way. Oh, my gosh. You didn't get a fruit basket? Oh, my gosh. No. Did I get the wrong gift? No, no. That was for you. That was for Opie and Anthony, wasn't it? You sent me Opie and Anthony's gift. Mikey. Marky. Marky.

1:18:57Wow. So did you have to send it back? No! Hell no, he's not sending it back. You didn't send it? No! Whose heads were rolling after that one? In his office? Yeah. He's the best. I love that dude. That's funny. Let her in. Go let her in. She's standing right now. Is she out there? Eskimo Blue Waters. She's staring me down. Oh, look at you! Fancy. Oh, you are so... Oh, yeah, look at me. You're fancy. Yeah, first of all. New jeans. First of all. You're going to keep me on hold for freaking Elmo? This is ridiculous. I wasn't keeping you on hold. I was on hold out there in your palace. I'm 10 minutes late getting to you. I'm 10 minutes late. 15 by my watch. 13 minutes. She's a stickler. Oh, she just wants to be on. Anyway, you like my jeans? They're great. Looks like you got some new clothes and new duds.

1:19:54Yeah. You're always working Eskimo Blue Waters as a local musician, magician, entertainer. Jack of all trades. Yeah. Yeah. Lives at home. She says she lives in her car. I live in my Mustang. She lives in her house in La Jolla. Sometimes I park it in my parents' driveway. Yeah. It doesn't count as living at home. They have a beautiful view of the ocean. Yeah, in La Jolla. In La Jolla. Yeah, yeah, you can have that. But Eskimo does a thing where, you know, she sort of... portrays that she is from small upbringings and that kind of... Humble beginnings. Humble beginnings. Living on the street. She grew up in La Jolla. It doesn't matter where you came from. It's all about where you've been. Where you've been. Wow. Yeah. Sounds like a deodorant commercial. It does. Whatever. Her real name is Judy Douche, but she... Douche. We're not going to go through this every time. Douche. Yeah, we have to. You've got notes in front of you. I know you do. Been reading up on your Twitter account. Yeah, I was actually kind of late this morning because apparently I've got some followers. Yeah. Yeah, 11. I've got like five followers. Woodsy, do you know exactly what her Twitter name is? Eskimo Blue Water. Is it Eskimo Blue Water? Yeah, somebody dropped the S for whatever reason. So it's not your actual account? No, a fan made it. A fan made it. Eskimo Blue Water. Twitter.com slash Eskimo Blue Water.

1:21:16And it's a fan of yours? I guess so, Mike. Yeah. I mean, I guess if they made it for her. Right. You could imagine. I mean, I can't keep track. She does a lot of gigs around town. Yeah. She was at Arco. Snow Cone Stands. Snow Cone Stands. She was at Little League. She did Little League. Yep. Yep. You name it, I done it. She's done the grocer's union. Yeah, the bagging. No, I never got the bid on that. You didn't? Did somebody outbid you for that? Yeah, I mean, they didn't get paid or anything. They didn't. But, yeah. She is in her 30s. She doesn't really say exactly. No. I'm not in my 30s. Young 20s? 27. Really? 32. Whatever. What's the difference, right, Eskimo? Yeah. She's very lovely, and she wears a cowboy hat and dark glasses all the time. In fact, we've never seen her eyes. Dreamcatcher earrings. Yeah. She's kind of got a lot of different... She has a lot of different... Styles. Styles and... What's the word I'm looking for? Like, you know, her fake tattoos. Yeah. One's Hindu, one's... Right. It's henna. Henna. Yeah, one's Buddhist. She's kind of all over the place. For real. They're conflicting ideologies. Yeah, she does. I don't have time for this. I'm actually feeling a little under the weather. My voice is a little scratchy today.

1:22:33Your voice is always a little scratchy. Yeah, it doesn't sound any different. I don't want to hear any guff when I sing my song about me not hitting notes. I don't think we've ever given you any guff about anything. Yeah, you guys yuck it up. It's really good for my self-esteem. We have done that. That's true. Well, the only reason we've done that is because you're guilty of plagiarizing. Right. Not true. And shameless self-promotion. And shameless self-promotion. Innocent until proven guilty. You have taken other people's music and made it your own. Not true. Okay. A lot of people do that. She's blatantly ripped off chords, you know, song, the whole structure. No, I dig inspiration from a lot of different genres. All right. I guess Zeppelin did that, too. Yeah, that's true. I'm kind of like Zeppelin. Kind of like Zeppelin. I'm like the plant of our generation. You're like the Robert Plant of our generation? Yeah, but the female version. Okay. And younger and hotter and all that. Oh, wow. Eskimo Blue Waters. What are you going to do for us today? Well, it's interesting, Mike. I started taking notes, started observing you. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Because you're the veteran here, and as Woods calls you, you're the man, the myth, the legend. Right, the straw that stirs the drink. Yeah? Yeah. I never heard you say that, but that's cool. But I realized you're a strange, strange man. That is true. That is true. Oh, boy. You are. What's going on here? What are you doing? I wrote a song about you.

1:23:59Are you going to roast me up real good? Yeah, I'm going to roast you. A little bit. Put you on the spit. Maybe Heath Bell sings it. Yeah. Maybe have Heath Bell come in and sing the song. I don't get the reference. I know you don't. Woodsy had Heath Bell one time punk me. Oh. Yeah. I cried. I cried. Anyway. Also, don't do a weird time. But anyway, it's a totally different story. I was an emotional wreck. It wasn't Woods' fault. I know who Keith Bell is. Not good timing. Not good timing. Not good timing. It's not Keith Bell. It's Heath Bell. Heath Bell. He's the closer for the Padres that nobody goes to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just going to... Here, do you need to borrow my axe? Yeah, I'm just going to get it up. What is she doing? Just drop D here. Drop D. Just got to retune this thing here. Do you? That's a real guitar. Yeah, this is a Taylor. What are you going to do with it? I'm going to play it. Okay, okay. Yeah. I wrote a little song about you. It's called Isn't He Neurotic? Really? Oh, boy. Yeah. All right, are you ready? I'm ready if you're ready. I am. It's original? Yeah. Mexican who is never late. Born of pottery. It's where he buys drinks. He likes his black pen from paper made. And if it's a sharpie, he cannot think straight. And isn't he erotic? Break. He hates rape.

1:25:37On his rain jacket, he hates football stats. In a neat packet, he hates skinny fries. Or a well-done steak. When he's deep in thaw, he fiddles. Okay, great. That's great. That's great. That's great. Don't worry about it. Man. Great word. Did I get a copy of that? Holy crap. I just jotted them down. I messed some of them up. Yeah. He keeps football stats in a neat packet. I saw that. Yeah. She saw your packet in black paper. Your little folder. My folder for fantasy football. For fantasy football. That was really gorgeous. Yeah. That's just one of my hits. Yeah. It's not yours. It will be. Okay. It sounds like Alanis Morissette. Who? Alanis Morissette. Morissette. Sounds a lot like her. Yes. Yes. Canadian. Okay. You got any gigs? Yes, I do. I have one that I'd like to plug. I'll be playing that song among other local favorites. It's a house concert, actually. House concert? Like a house party? No, it's a house concert. They're popular here in San Diego. It's actually more like a vaudeville show. In fact, it is a vaudeville show. What is it? What are you talking about? We're going to have a Polish Peter Polka on the accordion.

1:27:03We're going to have Mitzi, the balloon animal artist, and traveling Sam with his pet monkey. It's really crazy. The monkey takes quarters and puts it in this music box. Oh, wow. Wow. Sounds like a blast. I am not going to give out the address. I'll put it on my Twitter. Yeah. But it's going to be in Fallbrook. Oh, well. Oh, well. On a ranch. People want to travel out there to Fallbrook and check that out? I'll put it on my Twitter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or my fan will. You going to pay rent with that dough? Yeah, among other things. Paid gig? We're working on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're negotiating. You're negotiating. Still haven't got to old-time radio. Want to get to that? Name that tune. If you haven't heard about the David Beckham story, sue in some magazine that said that he's going to prostitutes. Oh, boy. That he's cheating on Posh Spice with prostitutes. He's suing. And he got heckled at a game. Plays for the Galaxy in LA. Got heckled. We have audio of the heckling. Nice. Next. Petco Park can seat about 46,000 people. Yes, sir. About 26,000 people showed up. Yes, sir. It's preposterous. It is. Hey, Woods made a great point. And to get out there. And support. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's out on maternity leave. And Jay is our producer. And our phone screener is Will today. And then we will have...

1:28:55Our other phone screener, Chris. It's crap. Crap. It's crap. It's crap. It's crap. It's crap. He'll be here Wednesday. It just morphs daily. Pretty soon it'll be crap. Hey, what's up? How you doing? Good. We got information pretty soon about fantasy football because me and you did not do very good. Did you get beat? Yeah. No. But I didn't do very good. I got beat. Are you guys done? So you're fine. I'm done. I'm done. Lauren is doing great. I'm doing good, and I have Aaron Rodgers in tonight. Oh, look at that. Good Lord. Look at you. Adrian Peterson went off yesterday for me, but Carson freaking Palmer. Why do I keep... Something's wrong with him. He's terrible. He's terrible. He was. Hey, what's up? It's LeVar. Hi, LeVar. How you doing, dude? I miss you. Oh, yeah. That was my baby boy.

1:29:57He's good. Who's your baby boy? Me. Lizzie, man. Where you been? I was in Dallas visiting some family. That go good? Yeah, it was good. That's good. We raised $40,000 for this charity that we played for. That's great. Yeah, it was fun. You know what? What? I was real disappointed this weekend. About? Man, Marcus McNeil, man. Yeah, he's coming back. Yeah, he signed his tender, dude. He did. That means I don't get my shot. Well, I don't think you were going to get your shot anyway. Oh, I probably was. I'll be playing for the Chargers now. All they got to do put me out there one time. But you're not quick. You got to be quick to be an offensive lineman. You haven't had fast feet. Dude, I'm like the fat Rudy. No. People think you can't do it. But you've never done it. I've never done it, dude. That's why I'm the fat Rudy. Rudy did it. And you ran the 40 in like two and a half minutes. Yeah. 210. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You need to cut about. 80 seconds off that. I'm going to go on the Biggest Loser with that chick. You should. Days of Our Lives. The host. Who, Okra Winfrey? Yeah, the one who picked Sammy on Days of Our Lives. Oh, is she on there? Yeah, man, she's the host. Oh, she's the host? I'm going to go on it. I'm going to go on the Biggest Loser. I'm going to lose. 455 pounds, get down to 220. Yeah. Wow. I'm 220. You're 220? Yeah. I'm 220. Fat pig. See, I'm 6'7", though. That's true. I'm 6'1", 220.

1:31:26I'm actually not doing that bad for being 6'7", 795 pounds. It's not that bad. It's not that good. It's not that good, but good. Your heart's the size of a Mini Cooper. That's true, but it's one of them economical Mini Coopers. Yeah. So it's like a smaller version of a Mini Cooper. Like a smart car. Yeah. You know what I have for breakfast? What? All of it. All of it? The whole thing. Everything. Two loaves of bread. Six dozen eggs. Not the butter and margarine. I can't believe it's not butter. And some spoonfuls? Were you drinking a bucket of gravy? Oh, gross. Lauren, you ever had a bucket of gravy? No. How can you talk to me, girl? You don't know. You ain't never had a bucket of gravy. I've had spoonfuls of gravy. Just a spoonful of gravy. Help the medicine go down. Medicine go down. Medicine go down.

1:32:30Did you know that Mikey thought that it was a spoonful of sugar makes the melody go down? You're an idiot, man. It's medicine go down. Melody go down. That doesn't make any sense, right? There's no sense, man. It made no sense at all. You don't make any sense, Lamar. I don't make no sense. Oh, Mike, you don't want to get in a fight with that guy. We got an email from somebody that said... I don't like when LeVar comes on. He's hard to understand. Yeah, I understand you fine. And if I can hear you, they can hear you. I don't know anybody over there. I don't know anybody over there. I can get you Padres tickets. But who wants those, right? I can't go to the Padres games, man. Why? It won't fit in the seat. I think you were on my plane this weekend. What are you talking about? I think there were several hundred of you on my plane this weekend. What are you talking about? Just big people on the planes. Real good. You just don't bag it on the people again? No, no, not me. I'd never bag on anybody. I don't take planes, man. I'm afraid of them. Yeah, maybe drive. Take a bus. Take a U-Haul. Take a U-Haul. Sometimes that's what you gotta do. You do what you have to do to get by. That's right. That's all you have to know.

1:33:58You do what you do to get by. That's all I'm saying. Look who's here. I was wondering if we'd make it through a full show without hearing from Captain Buzzkill. I think you put that poor man on the radio. What do you mean? He wants to be on the radio. Yeah, but I think that Mikey and Woods are taking the opportunity to make fun of overweight Americans. No, we are not. He's just a character. He's made fun of himself. CB, come on. You need to chill out. I am chilled out. No, you're not. You're all fired up, as usual. Why don't you quit making fun of everybody? I'm writing a letter. Who are you writing a letter to? Rick Jackson. Great. Rick Jackson loves our show. He's our general manager. I'll give you our address. I will still, you know. What? I've written four.

1:34:58Because you're a clown. Yeah, because you're a clown. You know what, Captain Buskill? What? If you don't like it, you know what you can do? Right, but you don't prefer us. You don't like us. What are our promises? It's all about the music. First of all, it's just, it's about, it's not all. It's about the music. You're just adding the all. It's about the music. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. How am I rewriting history? Because the slogan is, it's about the music. I've compiled a list of records today. Okay, fire away. I think these. Oh gosh. That's not going to happen. Have you ever heard the song when you speak brown meamer? Of course. Say what? I would say that Primus, you were talking about musical inspiration earlier in Neil Prude's drummer. He is a great drummer. Why don't you look into it? Les Claypool, he's a really good bass player. I just don't particularly care for Primus. But you know what? Captain Buzzkill, that's what makes this country great. Everybody can choose what they listen to and enjoy. Why don't you play more music from groups from the 70s? We don't play music on our show. It's a four-hour comedy show. I want to hear this. You're not going to hear that on the station.

1:36:34You're not even going to hear that when Hillary comes in or when Tommy's on. They don't play Deep Purple and King Crimson. Maybe when they do the coup d'etat. Yeah, maybe you get a coup d'etat. Yeah, sign up for the coup d'etat. Oh, thanks a minute, guys. We unheard. Well, write another letter. Sign up to do a coup d'etat, and then you can come in and you can take over. You're only saying that because you know I won't be selected. You know why? Why? Because you guys probably rifle through all the entries. I've never seen the entries. No, we don't have. We're not privy to that. Would your mom drive you to the station if you did win? Who is that? That was Jay. That was Jay. It's Jay the... I'm the producer. He's the producer. You know that. Do you listen four hours a day? He's the one that used to not let me on the air. Oh yeah, he's not screening calls anymore. Will screens calls now. I'll talk to Will. Don't you dare.

1:37:37Don't you dare. Will's my boy. No, he's not. Will's my boy. We just like talking to you because you're such a clown. You say that you hate us, yet you listen four hours a day and make note of every wrong thing we do or say. You're a biggest fan. I hate you guys. I'm not a fan. You are. Anybody that listens is a fan. I listen because I don't get good reception on anything else. Otherwise, I'd be listening to Jagger and Christy, but they don't come in good. What about your iPod? What about your iPod? My iPod? I can listen to radio on it if I want to. Are you trying to raise my cholesterol level? No. I don't think I can do that by talking. I can't stand you guys. Stop listening. Turn the channel. No. Why? I don't get it. Every once in a while you do something funny. Just every once in a while. Every once. In a while. Like how often? Like how often. What do you like? What's your favorite? You did something funny in May. May? I remember that. That was funny. I don't remember what it was. It's probably the first time you came on, huh? But I don't think it's funny that you guys make fun of fat people. We don't. I don't think it's funny that you make fun of dogs, animals, babies. No, we don't. We're pretty much wrong. Everything that's wrong with the world. No, we don't make fun of principals. Yes, you can use principals.

1:38:56Like the people or like people's morals? You make fun of Mikey for being Mexican. I think that's wrong. There's a very large Latino population in this town. He makes fun of himself, too. Really? Oh, the phony false self-deprecation. He calls himself a coconut. Yeah. Why don't you lighten up? Maybe take a Xanax. Sure, I believe that. Oh, now you're making fun of people that have addictions to opiates. Oh, boy. You can't take everything so seriously. Yeah. We wasted all that meat last week. Oh, that's right. That's sustenance. You know how many countries would die for sustenance like that? I guess. You're right. Yet used to freely throw it away. We actually made sandwiches out of it. Yeah, as far as you know. I didn't eat them. Bologna sandwiches. Mustard. Say it again. Bologna sandwiches with mustard. American cheese. And white bread, wonder bread. Add a little roast beef in there, too. I know you do. Everybody likes to hear about food. I had sweet potato fries and fried pickles this weekend. Oh, mama. Yeah, they were delicious. What? Say it again. Me? Yeah, you little minx. Whoa. Dirty talking to you.

1:40:33I had sweet potato fries and fried pickles topped with crumbled blue cheese. Dirty little cream, I love you. Dirty little cream. This is getting weird. He's getting all creepy. Little horndog, you. Captain Buzzkill. I like him. He's come around. Maybe we change the slogan to It's All About the Food. It's happening to me. I hate you. I hate you. You're reminding me about everything in the music. Captain Buzzkill. Oh, my gosh. Long hang-up. Wow. Couldn't find the receiver. Didn't even find the receiver. Football phone. Phone shaped like a cleat, so, you know, the little spikes have to go. They have to line it up. Oh, boy. You have to line up perfectly with eight little holes. I think he had it on upside down. That's fantastic. Oh, boy. Let's see who we got here. M1, Vanessa from San Diego. What was the word of the day? It was, God, Captain Buzzkill just freaked me out. It was preposterous. That is correct. Is it Sienna pretending to be Vanessa?

1:42:04Congratulations, Vanessa. Very well done. Hang on the line, okay? All right. Hang on. She gets to go see the Padres and the Cubs. Plenty of seats available. That's right. There sure is. Oh, that was good. So David Beckham is being, some magazine wrote that he was cheating on Victoria Beckham, his wife, Posh Spice. Posh. Posh. With hookers. Prostitutes. Yeah. And he's suing because he says it's not true. Is hookers offensive? I don't know. You have to be politically correct. I don't want to Captain Buzzkill call again. It's prostitutes. Prostitutes. It's women of the night, actually. So what's his story with this, Woodsy? Great question, man. Yeah, he allegedly, there was a newspaper, you know, the rags over in England. Yeah, yeah, in Europe. They're worse than here. Sun is one. They're 50 times worse. The Daily Mirror. Yeah. Yeah. Basically, they said that he is saying it's a conspiracy to defame David and extract money. It's not legal, and people have to realize they can't do this. Yeah, and they, I mean, it's been going on for years, but if that's not true, it's just horrific. If it's not true, it's horrific. And now he's getting heckled at games. This is what just happened. Oh, wow. They playing in a high school gymnasium? Is there six people there? Yeah. I mean, it is soccer after all. Drunk fan guy.

1:43:56Oh, yeah. It's coming after me. Why me? Yeah. He apparently is furious at the reports that he slept with Bosnian prostitute Irma Nietzsche. They even have her name? Yeah. Yeah, it's like, if it didn't happen, why the specifics? I know. I don't know. I hope it didn't happen. Don't they have to prove that it happened? I guess. Yeah, I mean, one would think. Gotta have pictures. Or something. Texts or... Can't there always be reports? There's reports that. Sources say. What do you do with your posh spice? Rebecca took the boys to go get changed this weekend when we were at Balboa Park. She took them to change a diaper. And I'm walking with Nita. If somebody said I was having an affair with a Hungarian girl. Could easily happen. Yeah. You know what I mean? Is that considered slander? Where are the lines blurred? I would never. date this man, this little Mexican man I would never date you. How dare you? In my country this is called very funny. Comedy. Comedy. It's funny in our country too. Yes, Nita, in our country that's funny too. I see you together with beautiful woman.

1:45:15With beautiful Rebecca. I've seen her. She's very beautiful in my country. She's very beautiful, too And first time I see you together I think to myself up crime been committed Kidnap held against will I first see you with your wife I come to her in bathroom and i say do you need help should i call uh un embassy should i call embassy to get you helped and she says what do you mean and i said you are with this uh monster okay you are with uh you are with that little man and she says no and she says to my shock she says she says no this is husband i love i love I love. I love. I don't understand. In my country, husband means you married to... You married to him. So I don't understand why in your country you called... Kidnap. Criminal is husband. I don't understand. It's very different. Why would beautiful woman knowingly submit to marriage with kidnapper? Maybe.

1:46:43Patty Hearst, you hear of this girl? She did the same thing, I think. This is psychological condition. You're from maybe Sweden, maybe you need green card. Is this it? Okay, okay. I get it. You are blonde woman. From Sweden. From Sweden. You marry Americans. Okay. Mexican-American. Puzzle pieces begin to fit. Another brick fall. Another brick fall. May I ask you a question? Why is he so tiny? Is that maybe a Mexican trait? Yes. Pygmy man? I don't understand. In my country, they're called pygmy. In my country, we buy clothes called Oshkosh. Baby. Baby Gap? Baby Gap. I have seen this movie. Maybe you've seen it. It's called Wizard of Oz. He's in this movie. He represents the lollipop gang.

1:47:59Does he ride horse on the racetrack? Next to Pamplemousse. Yes. They call it track. Racetrack. Oh, wait, wait, wait. No, he could not do this. He could not do this. Way overweight. We call that, in my country, we call that animal cruelty. We have old phrase that says, oh, that is the straw that broke the horse's back. Wow. Yeah, they could get you, dude. And the funny thing is, is that it seems like... I forgot what we were talking about. We were talking about Mikey walking around Balboa Park. I mean, it's true, dude. A couple weeks ago, I don't know if I told you guys this, but I... I got home from playing a ball game, and I got his Facebook message. Hey, Woodsy, were you filling up at the gas station on El Cajon Boulevard? I was like, yeah, man, that was me. He's like, oh, looking for hookers, huh? I guess. I was just going to a ball game. I was in uniform. What are you doing off El Cajon Boulevard in the morning? Yeah. At one in the morning. Exactly. The early game. Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg is the founder of Facebook. He's six years old.

1:49:16And change. Six. I don't know if he's a billionaire. He's a billionaire. 6.9. Remember we talked about it on Friday. Bill? Bill. BBB. He passed Steve Jobs on the fortune whatever list. Unbelievable. Isn't that insane? That kid. Here he is talking about this movie, The Social Network. We know that there is an unauthorized movie that's coming out about Mark and Facebook. So what did you want to say about that? Oh, well, I mean. Wow. That's not what I was expecting. Well, what I think is... It's a movie. It's fun. Is it Kermit? It's Morrissey. Stop me. Stop me. Stop me if you think I invented Facebook. I would go out tonight. But I haven't got a stitch to wear. So I think that I will poke instead. A lot of it is fiction, but even the filmmakers will say that. They're trying to build a good story. This is a billionaire. It's 20-something. I actually had this thought the other day. I thought in my head, I was like, what if I could get in a time machine and I could go to 1999 and be like...

1:50:45I have an idea. Yeah. Yeah. On Facebook. It would be easy. I'd go back to the day that Apple went public. Yeah. And I'd borrow money from every person I know. It's like the movie Hot Tub Time Machine. Yeah. You start messing with stuff, though, and then it screws up everything. Screws it all up. Yeah, I'd be really bummed sitting on a beach in Bali somewhere, blasting a cig, drinking a cold Budweiser. Yeah. Picking on Taylor guitar real good. Would you ever live on an island? Yeah. You would? Yeah. If I had money to get off it. Like, if I had a plane, yeah, I'd live on an island. I promise you, this is my life, so I know it's not that dramatic. The last six years have been a lot of coding and focus and hard work, but, you know, maybe it would be fun to remember it as partying and all this crazy drama. So, you know, it'll be an interesting story. Oh, please, please, please let me get what I want. I never do. That's a clown. This is a weird story. The dude that created Segway, you know, the little mall cop Segway bit, has oddly died in a Segway accident. That is shocking. It sounds like it was almost, I don't want to say the word, on purpose? No. No? Why? What does that sound on purpose? Because he fell off a cliff with it? He was driving around, showing off. Fell off a cliff into a river. Have you seen him now? They've got the...

1:52:10Four-wheel drive tires to take them up on the beach everywhere. Yeah, you can take them anywhere. I want one of those. I want to go do it. What's the appeal? You don't have to walk. You'd love it. Yeah, I know, but... They're like 15 miles an hour. They maneuver like you wouldn't believe. Yeah, and you just lean, right? Police are using them. Mailmen are using them now to get... Mailmen? That's brilliant. Yeah, to get from house to house quicker. Yeah. For the average Joe, I don't get it unless maybe you commute. and you don't want to walk like seven city blocks or something. They've got these tours where you get to get on your own Segway and cruise around, which I think would be cool. Like in Chicago they do this. They have it downtown San Diego. We passed when we went to the meet and greet in our skinny jeans. There was a Segway store that does tours. Maybe we make that real right. Okay. On Lincoln Financial. You don't need any kind of training? I'm sure they give you a little class. Well, I think they probably. They'll give you a quick tutorial. That's it? It's like skydiving. Maybe a helmet for you. There was something that I said to Rebecca, my wife, this weekend that I said, I'm not there yet, but I almost don't care, and I'm going to start doing this. I'm trying to remember what it was, but whatever it was, she went, no, no, no, you're not. And I was serious. Hun, if you're listening, call and tell me because I don't remember, but whatever it was, I know I was very serious about it. Smoking cigarettes?

1:53:34No. Wearing clothes at home? It was something embarrassing. That you do or that you should do? That I'm going to start, that I'm very close. Like right now, I don't have it in me to do this because of the way people would think I'm, you know, a dork or whatever. And I don't remember exactly what it was. I just remember I told her and she was like, uh-uh. Is it wearing your Crocs in public? I don't wear, I wear Crocs to garden. Right. Oh boy. You thinking about transitioning them? Please call in, Rebecca. I have to know what this is. Wearing your stole out in public. Yes, your mink stole. Your mink stole. Speedo. Yeah, European bathing suit? Yeah. Bringing your scepter in. Oh, it was real embarrassing. Drinking vitamin water. No, he said that because I had one. I saw it on Facebook. It turned into a controversy. Yeah, it did. Weird. I'm like, guys, I wasn't trying to fight. Yeah, I'm not plugging anything. I just said I had a vitamin water. I enjoyed it. Yeah. I don't want to fight with you. I love you. Yeah. I just thought it was interesting. I don't know what we're yelling about. Said I had a vitamin water. I like to sometimes, on purpose, start World War III on Facebook. Do it as a bit. Like how? Like I'll just put up there, I don't know, like something about the Padres or something about the Yankees or something. He'd like to stir the pot. I'm such a pot stirrer. Jay, call Rebecca. Call Rebecca. Let's see what that was. Will do.

1:55:09Still haven't done old-time radio. I want to. Oh, Bishop Long? It's the guy that was being coerced and the stuff with the guys. Is he a bishop? That's what they call him, Bishop Eddie Long. Start calling me Cardinal Woods, all right? Sexual coercion. Three dudes have said that he sexually coerced them. And he's fighting back, and we have audio of what he said to fight back. Tonight's 8 o'clock album on FM 94.9, Autolux. Transit, transit. My wife Rebecca is on the line. Hi, honey. Do you remember what I said that I am, you know, close to not caring about what people think of me if I do this? Yes. What was it? Well, we were talking about embarrassing things that parents do when they're really proud of their kids.

1:56:29Great topic. Do you remember? No. When we pulled into the driveway? No. I don't remember that. Yeah. Well, we saw something on the back of my mom's car. Oh, that was different. It was? Yeah, that was different. I remembered what mine was. What was yours? I said that I was considering a smart car. Oh. Oh, that's right. That's dumb. And Rebecca started going, they're so impractical. And I go, impractical? I go, they're the most practical. I go, we could park it in the bathroom. You'd get killed in that thing. So would you drive it to work? A hundred percent. No way. I'm not to the point yet where I'm self-conscious.

1:57:23Can't quite do it. I'm too self-conscious right now, but I'll get there to the point where I don't care. BS. I'm calling BS. You never will. I've researched them. I've looked at them. They're about $18,000. I can get the Cabriolet. They do a special Barabbas version of it. Barabbas? Yeah. It's an aftermarket company that does stuff to Mercedes Benzes and stuff like that. Mike, you could put wings on that thing, and it's not going to look any better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're not. Not about the look. What do you need it for? Good looking. City living, I get it. There's a few things I like about it. Okay. They look very confining. Oh, that's what I hate. And I like that. It's like the pod. Yeah, the pod. Mikey pod. I like that. You feel safe. I feel safe. You feel safe in a tiny tin car. Well, they've got huge radians on their crash test. I mean, they take big hits. That's what I heard. Yeah, it's got a cage that some believe. It's like a race car cage. Yeah. Really? Wow. And I love that they get about 957,000 miles to the gallon. Is that Lukey? That's right. Yeah. You know, Crush had one. Yeah. This guy was 6'7". He was giant. No. 6'7". Guy you guys used to work with? Yeah. And he fit? Yeah. Comfortably? Yeah. He said he fit better in that thing than his Benz. Wow. Yeah. Can anyone else fit in there with you? One other person.

1:58:46That's so practical for having three kids. Well, I mean, what about now? That's true. With my car now. That's true. Kids don't go in there. Fine, you get it. I'll take your ride now. Really? You'll be good to go. I'd like to have an electric car. The one you just drive around the city, right around your house, like a golf cart. Me too. I'm getting some kisses there from Ryan. I'd like to have a jet pack. I'd like to have a toilet made of solid gold. It's just not in the cards, baby. Electric car is real. Jet packs are real. Electric car ain't practical. Can't plug it? No. You drive it here, it'll be where you can plug it in. Not here. City living. Where are you going to plug it in the city? Yeah, they only go 30. The ones I'm talking about only go about 37 or 36 miles per hour, and they're only for the small streets around your house if you go to get groceries. Buy a golf cart, bro. Yeah, get a moped. They don't go 36. Get a Vespa. Vespa does. You got to go. Well, the speed limit in your neighborhood is 25. It's a four-seater. Yeah, it goes 36. It goes 36. What are you going to do on that? I'm going to get a Vespa. It's like cruising to the beach. You know what we should do? What? We should get a couple Vespas and go riding on the weekends. That's a moped, right? Yeah, me neither. I almost got a Vespa. We should. Is that dorky? No, I'd do it. I would do it. I don't care. Let's go get some. They're cool now. They've come full circle. Yeah. Are they? Yeah. Especially if you get a classic one. We'll pretend like we're Italians. Hey, babe, can I get a Vespa? No. So I see you want to. It sounds like you want to think about it.

2:00:15It's like you want to think about it. It's like the cool thing when I went on. You shouldn't let me get a DVD player. When you go on spring break places, people rent matching Vespas. My brother and I did in Honolulu and drove a freaking blast on the top of a volcano. Other countries, that's the taxi cab. You get on the back of a Vespa with a guy and he takes you someplace. When I was in Thailand, all over the place. Talk about getting you where you're going quick. Yeah, we're getting good kisses. Hey, honey. Right back at you. Did Nita hear us doing the Nita impression? I'm not sure if she heard you guys or not. Okay. Did you hear it? Yes. Fortunately, she wasn't in the kitchen. That's always so awkward. That's pretty awkward. Yes. I'm like trying to, you know. So, Nina. You're like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. What are you going to do today? Talking really loud. Why does your husband make my voice on the radio?

2:01:16I try to tell her, like, you know he's making fun of himself in your voice. Right. Right? Because I'm so scared she's going to think that you're making fun of her. That's right. I know you're not. Got it. Hey, honey. Yeah. Since you're on the line. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Woodsy just wrote it down and reminded me. I'll tell it on the air. Oh, I laughed so hard. Uh-oh. Rebecca doesn't know this, right? No. Oh, boy. She doesn't know this. I said, what did Rebecca say? Oh, she doesn't know yet. She doesn't know. Who's in the house right now? You and Nita and the kids. Yes. Is Claudia there? Yes. Is she listening? Okay. So remember how I went to change your oil yesterday? Yes. I went rifling through Claudia's purse looking for your keys because I thought it was your purse. And I think she saw me. I did later because about three hours later, I walked by and she'd zipped it up. You know, probably thinking, I don't know why, you know, you have to, you know, take my, you know, my purse. It's not belonged to you. Oh, it was Claudia's purse. Claudia's purse. It wasn't Nita. No, it was Claudia. It was Claudia. No, it was Claudia. That's why we were doing the Senior Bean's voice this morning. Yeah, we were.

2:02:49Why do you have to go through my purse? It does not belong to you, sir. Wow. I don't know what kind of operation you run here. Yeah. Why did you say something? I said it to her. After I saw that she zipped her purse up, I said, hey, Claudia, I just want you to know I thought that your purse was Rebecca's purse and I, you know, was looking for her keys. And she goes, oh, it's okay. It's okay. Oh, boy. Yeah, rifling through somebody's purse. Well, the way that you introduce it, Mike, is... Claudia thinks I'm a big weirdo. Why? What did you do this time? I went rifling through a purse. Oh, my God. You rearranged my things? You taking my things and... Just like they belong to you, huh? Looking through my stuff. Can I go through your sector? Yeah, is it okay I go through your things? That is hysterical. So, apparently, the way it works is I don't have a personal life. Or privacy. Privacy. Oh, my God.

2:03:47Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. Why does she have Senior Bean's voice? Apparently she has my Russian voice. It seems like a combination. It's a combo. We'll combo it up for you. Do I need to start to lock my purse in my trunk? Apparently she does. Can you imagine if she'd come up behind me and say, see anything you like? Were you just like furiously digging? Oh, yeah. Can I help you? Yeah. May I help you? I'm like, I mean, I'm taking medications. I'm like, I didn't know she was on this. Yeah. At what point did you realize you were in the wrong purse? Yeah. How long did that take? Totally true story. Do you know how long, you know how I found out? I went, I think this is Rebecca's mom's purse. I think. And. So the wallet was there, and I open it up, and there's no ID, but there's a credit card. And I pull the credit card out, and it says Claudia, and I go, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And I snap it closed, and I'm like, what if she sees this? Like, what if she sees me opening her wallet up and taking her credit cards out? What did you order? Do you think it was good on Amazon? King Clown. Oh, my gosh. King.

2:05:10clown. Yeah. I wish I had like a surveillance tape of that. Me too. No. Can you imagine? He's like looking all around. How do you not know what your wife's purse looks like? She's got 19 purses. I bet you she carries one purse. Babe. I have a couple. Oh, really? Are you going to do the I don't have that many purse bit on the radio? That's what I said to you. I said, well, did Rebecca say to you, how did you not know the difference between my purse and Claudia's purse? Oh, Rebecca doesn't know. Yeah, I have one wallet, okay? I like watches, but I have one wallet, all right? Rebecca has wallets. Yeah, they have purses for outfits. Yeah, they go in our office. And so I went through. I do have a couple different purses. I went through two of your purses. I went through two of your purses upstairs and they were empty. There wasn't anything in them. I'd get killed for even rifling through an empty purse. You know what you're supposed to do? Ask. She was sleeping. You wake her up. No, I was going to go change the oil. You wake her up. You can't go through your wife's purse. Yes, you can. No. Why? You find her boyfriend in there? Maybe. No, I don't care if he goes through my purse. Really? I don't care. He goes through Claudia's purse.

2:06:18Yeah, fair enough. I don't go through people's purse. I don't really want him to go through Claudia's purse. It's just a matter of respect and being classy. Oh, boy. You don't have your own set of keys to the car? No, they got robbed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they got stolen. You need to get a second set. Yeah. Just in case you lose those. I know. I know. We do need to do that. Can I help you? What are you looking for? Yeah. Do you need a piece of gum? I've got to be, like, wondering, like, how many times has he gone through my business? Excuse me, Ms. Rebecca, but I think that your creepy pervert husband was going through my things, and I just feel very violated. She used to live here, and she's probably like, I wonder if he used to go through my business. Is he looking in my panty drawer like some sort of filthy, creepy creep? I mean, if he's willing to go to these lengths, I don't know what he could have done. Right under my nose. Do you want to hear him say mama? Yeah. Okay. Say mama. Daddy's a pervert.

2:07:45Looking through her things. It's compelling right now. Oh, now he won't. Of course he won't. Maybe you record it, Mike. Get some audio. Yeah. Is Lukey there? Oh, yeah. How come he's not crying? How come he's not crying? Um, I don't know. That kid this weekend, man. Screaming? He was on one. He's always on one. I'm convinced he wants us to move out. He wants us out of there. Oh, yeah. He wants a place to himself. Yeah, we interfere in his life. Yeah, and he does require us to get him the things that he needs, but it's so inconvenient for him. He's really in this weird place where he just, he hates us, but he needs us. Yeah, it bothers him. It's the truth. It bothers him that he can't stand either Rebecca or me.

2:08:45But he needs us to feed him. Because he's only one. Because he's only a year old. Yeah. Ryan, on the other hand, loves being around us. Yeah. He loves us. Yeah. Luke is like, oh, gosh. How many times with give me the food? Do you guys get give me the food? Right. Same time every day. Same time every day. How about 12 o'clock, crackers, cut up pears? Is that real tough? Crackers, cut up pears? Because it's 1210. 1210. He's also super mad right now because we always try to get him to walk. And he's just like, he'll just stand there and look at you like, really? Oh, he's his father's son. Yeah. He doesn't like to walk. He's on the phone. Luke? Hey, you guys just running mouth or? Uh-oh. We're not running mouth. No, honey, we love you. Yeah, really? We do. Stop talking about me on the radio. Yeah. Why? It's your brother. Oh, wow. It's your brother. Wow. Great. It's your brother. Hey, maybe you buy a bigger house. I'll get my own room. You're a twin baby. You have a baby brother. You live in a crib. And I'll tell you another thing. What? You're not buying.

2:10:12I'm not buying one. You're not buying a freaking smart car. I'll tell you right now. I'm going to put my tiny foot down. You're not buying a smart car. What do you care about? I don't want to be the kid with the dork dad driving around a smart car. That's a good point. Seriously. I'm already going to get laughed out of school anyway. What are you going to get laughed out of school for? Really? What? What am I? Really? What? Is it my height? Of course. Taller than you, pal. Barely. Oh, boy. I'm one year old. You're a year old, and you're already... You're on one. Yeah, I haven't slept in weeks. I'm exhausted. What do you mean you haven't slept in weeks? That kid that shares the room with me. His name's Ryan. He's your twin brother. He keeps me up every single night. Oh, wow. What are you so upset? Let's talk about this. Luke, why are you so... You're so angry all the time. Well, at first... It's 8.53. Yeah, I haven't even...

2:11:13this morning. You don't drink cocktails. Quit doing bits. You're a child. You're a child. You don't drink. I need a Manhattan. You need a Manhattan. It's 5 o'clock somewhere, right, Luke? Yeah, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Apparently, it's 5 o'clock in 1942 if you need a Manhattan. I need a Manhattan. Okay. And mom took my cigarettes again. You're one. I know, but I just, you know, free will. Free will. I can do what I want. How'd you get started with cigarettes? Uncle Woods, who do you think? Oh, my goodness. Who do you think? He's a terrible influence. Yeah, you buy a smart car, I'm going to smother you in your sleep. I'm going to say that right now. I'm going to try to get some rest. What time do you get off work? See how you hear him laughing? Yeah. He's laughing because he knows he's just being a jerk. What are you talking about? What time do you get out of there? Well, here's the deal. I know your show ends at 10, but usually you roll now at about 3. What are you doing?

2:12:17Why don't you get off the phone? You're such a jerk, man. You're a year old, you do this. It's ridiculous. Get off the phone. I'll see you later. Goodbye. See you perfect later. Yeah, great. Babe, I'm so sorry. Oh, I don't know how he got on the phone. I don't either. You're such a rascal, huh? He is. What are we going to do with him? I don't know. All right, babe. Okay, I love you. I love you too. Okay, bye. Bye. So great.

2:13:18Kid is something else. Oh, God. He's very embarrassed. You got to have a talking to that one. Oh, gosh. You dropped the hammer on that kid. So, Iran's president, President Almond Joy, Almond did a job. I don't know if he's crazy. I think he's crazy. Wait till you hear who he just told Fox News was behind 9-11. And then you'll hear. Obama's response to what he said next. Hey, little sister boozy on the wall. FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash. Presented by Miller Lite. Saturday night, November 13th, if you're interested. It's going to be good. Fourth and B with a hold steady. Night marchers. New politics. $26 tickets. And it should be good. Tickets are on sale now. And you can also get them online at FM94.9SD.com. Really good.

2:14:47My friend Craig Gass may be in this week. Man crush. Big man crush. He's so funny. So funny. I was texting with him over the weekend. He said he was supposed to be on Howard today. And that Howard took the day off or something. And so he's waiting to see if he's going to be rescheduled for Howard. I saw on his Facebook page something about him being in San Diego. Yeah. So I think he's got a gig. He does. Do you know what night? I believe Saturday. October 2nd. Yeah. Do you have his number? Fourth and B. I don't have his number. You know how to use iPhone? Kind of. Do you want me to get it? Yeah, see if you can get it. October, so October's this weekend. Holy cow. Son of a gun. Friday, right? Is October 1st? Is it really? Today's the 27th. It is. Friday's the 1st. Son of a gun. That was fast. That was real fast. Let's see. Well, have Jay call him. Have you ever heard his impressions, Ella B? Uh-uh. Oh, my gosh. I have not. He does Pacino. He does...

2:15:49She knows Gene Simmons. See if I'll come on in and talk about his gigs. Dead on. He's hysterical. He's hysterical. Yeah, he does a Kennison that's more Kennison than a Kennison. Yeah, he's brilliant. I've always been a big Howard Stern fan and listened to him for years, and every time Craig Gass is on, I'm like, yes. Yeah. He's good. So funny. Yeah. Sweet dude. I want to meet him. Maybe I'll take him out to lunch. Maybe I'll give him a lap dance. You'll love him. I know. I already love him. Real down-to-earth cat. They're Facebook friends. I saw that. Yeah. It's hysterical. Yeah, he's a good dude. You cannot click anything on him. All my friends at home will say, Woods, I can't even really follow you on Facebook anymore because of so many people. If I click like, I get a million messages. Right. I do that to Craig Gass. He's my Woods. He's my Woods. He's my Woods. I get a billion freaking all day. I'm like, oh, I got to unlike this thing. I got to unlike it. Yeah.

2:16:49Because he gets so many messages. But like my friends at home who are used to one and two messages, they get 20. And they're like, dude, you're taking up my whole day. Did I tell you how we met? Coolest thing. So I was at the old station. And, no, voicemail? Voicemail. Oh, that's too bad. I was going to say text him and have him. Should I text him a nude? No. During commercial break. I love the guy. We're in commercial break. And he opens the studio door, didn't know who he was, never seen him, never didn't know who he was. Right. Opens the studio door and he goes, excuse me, excuse me. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, my name's Craig Gass and I'm a comedian. And I was wondering and I do a lot of voice impressions and stuff like that. And I'm going to be doing a show. And I was just wondering if it would be OK if you wanted to interview me or anything. Which under normal circumstances, I would have been like, I don't know who you are. Yeah.

2:17:52I got a job to do. Yeah, professional. Yeah. And I said, yeah, dude, come on in. Really? Yeah. And he came in, and he and I talked during the commercial break. And we had so much in common. And didn't know who he was, didn't know anything about him. But we just started talking. And then the next time he came into town, this was before the twins. In fact, I don't even know if Jake was born yet. And I said, stay with us. He said, stay with us. And then we were really close. Did you put him on the floor in your office? No, it was before Jake, so he had his own room. What's that like? He was in Sean's room. Because we have a room that's for Sean. Sean used to be my sound effects guy. I slept on the floor. Next to the fish tank. Right next to Mikey's bed.

2:18:52He laid curl up at the bottom of the bed. He made me a pallet on his floor. Good boy. Scratched your head. Good boy. Well, that's because the guest room's used. Yeah, I know. I know. Those would put you in there. I know. Jared does all of our graphic design. If you've never seen his work, go to createyourdesignonline.com. Check out Jared's stuff. It's amazing. He did our billboards. He does all that stuff. And he'll do for you. He could do business cards. He can do all that stuff. Basically, you want to have a superstar working for you doing this stuff. That's what Jared does. We got our final proof back yesterday from the adoption pamphlet that he did for us. Unbelievable. It's done. He mailed it to us. It's probably amazing. It's incredible. It's all in color. It looks incredible. We'll have a kid in like three weeks. I bet. I'm wearing an M1 site T-shirt right now. That's right. It looks good on you. He did. It's a great shirt. He did a great job. President Ahmadinejad from Iran. He's a little bit cuckoo. And he went on Fox News and said this through an interpreter. You wished Americans well, but you have insulted millions and millions of Americans by claiming that the U.S. government had a hand in 9-11. Quite frankly, sir.

2:20:17How could you say such an insane and nutty thing? Would you address your own president the same way? Would they ever allow you to? You probably didn't read the... Yes, they would. Yeah, they would. They would allow me. See Bill Clinton. Well, in the United States, we can ask our president very frank and honest questions. Yeah, you're not going to get your head cut off. Yeah, you don't get your head cut off for saying it. Yes, I was there yesterday. What evidence do you have that the U.S. government is responsible for 9-11? You're not even allowing me to respond. Go ahead. And you insult me as well. Do you believe that the government had a hand in 9-11? I did not give an opinion of my own. I actually suggested that a fact-finding group and mission be formed to delve into the truth. I said you, Spider. You said I was all right, Spider. You said I was okay, Spider. I said you want a drink, Spider. No, I thought you said. Whole family, a bunch of rats. President Obama responding to his comments. It was offensive. It was hateful. And particularly for him to make the statement here in Manhattan, just...

2:21:46just a little north of ground zero, where families lost their loved ones, people of all faiths, all ethnicities, who see this as the seminal tragedy of this generation. For him to make a statement like that was inexcusable. Wow. Did you know there was a walkout? During his speech. Really? That's where he said it, at the UN. And a bunch of US representatives and other Western representatives walked out. So strange, that guy. Yeah. He's so strange. So then they asked him, are you trying to build nukes? Do you want to pursue a nuclear bomb? I have said on numerous occasions that we do not want an atomic bomb. Why should we believe you? You are violating... Four UN resolutions. You've kicked out UN inspectors. Why should the world believe anything that you say on this subject? You keep your eyes on your own paper. I don't want to show you what I want. Maybe you don't worry about it. Yeah, maybe you, yeah. You see this over here? This is called my paper. And then you have yours over there. You watch yours, I watch mine. Yeah. Maybe you play your Britney Spears record.

2:23:14Is this Mikey he's talking to? Miley Cyrus. Maybe you do United States Got Talent show. Have another Dancing with Stars. Yeah, Dance with Your Stars. Yeah, Dance with Your Stars. Survive on the island. Yes. Survive with your football coach. Yes. You do American football. Why don't you do that instead of asking about nuclear aspiration? Worry about Green Bay Packers. Yeah. And Chicago Bears Monday Night Football tonight. Maybe you take a look at your economy a bit. You know, worry about sex things. Health care and sexting. Yes. Maybe you take a look at sexting and Facebooks before you start to ask about my country and inquire. Great. Don't you have enough problem with Macaulay Culkin? And the Corys and... The Corys. Colkin McCauley. That's not what I said. Don't you have enough problem with McCurry-Colkin? And Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's and also with the Michael Jackson's. Wow. I'm on a pit. Roasting up real good. Oh, you know, maybe after we have discussion about Angerina jewelry.

2:24:35dressing up her daughter like a boy, then we talk about these things that are serious. Correct. Maybe you clean your side of the street before you start to tell me about all our problems. You know what we should talk about? Let's talk about narcotics in United States. we do not insist that you should believe us we've never said that you should you are free not to believe us but why would you insist on imposing your view on us with resolutions I'll tell you why because we as this thing called the world came together and we formed this thing called the UN right And then we came up with all these ideas that we'd all abide by. Why do I have to abide by what you want me to abide? You shove down my throat again and again and again. Yeah, a ram is like a teenager that's irritating. It's a 15-year-old kid. It's like Luke. Yeah. What do I have to do what you tell me to do? I have my own thoughts. I have my own life. You don't know what I have to deal with, Dad.

2:25:49You don't know what it's like to be me. Take SAT, get into college, a lot of hard work. I have to work at a stick on a bun, hot dog on a stick. Stick on a bun. Oh, whatever. I have a girlfriend who's probably cheating by now because you make me get job to pay you rent. I live at home. I'm only boy that does this is made to do this. No other boy my age have to pay parent to live at home. As long as you're living in my house. Yeah. And also parental control. I am not seven year old. I am 17 year old. I do. I should be able to come and go as I please. Curfew. You and curfew. What do I look like to you?

2:26:49I'm a grown man could have own baby. Fight in war. Fight. Here's what I could do. Fight war, drive car, pay taxes, make love to a woman. But yet you impose UN sanction upon me. I spit on you and your family guy. Your modern family. You're Daisy Fuentes. Daisy Fuentes. Maybe I think of older reference. Remote control. Yeah, remote control. Oh, we are all sitting in the dog pound. Let's all give it up for Arsenio. This is what your culture is, huh? Macintosh computer. Oh, where's the beef? Where's the beef? Time to make the donuts, I guess. Yes. I'm sick of this. So we still haven't played that audio. We've got to play this audio of Bishop Eddie Long. This guy is being charged with coercion. That's what he's being accused of. That when this kid was 18 years old, he took the kid on a trip to New Zealand and coerced him into sexual things.

2:28:18Yeah, there's three young men, and there was even a trip to Kenya for all of them. He allegedly paid for their hotel rooms, gave them gifts, including a car, cash, and jewelry, which, of course, there'll be records of, if it's true, right? I mean, they have to be. All in exchange for sexual favors, such as massaging, masturbation. Really? Yes. That's what it says? And oral. That's what it says? Yes. And all three have the same story? Yeah. All right. Well, this story broke last week. This is Bishop Eddie Long sort of fighting back, and this is what he had to say. I've been accused. I'm under attack. Now, this must be to his... It's at church. At church, so he's talking to his... To his parishioners, congregation. I want you to know, as I said earlier, I am not a perfect man, but this thing, I'm going to fight. Sounds like they're still behind him. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. His entire, you know, congregation is. I want you to know one other thing. I feel like David against Goliath. But I got five rocks, and I haven't formed one yet. Well, listen, you know, it's tough because, man, those are some pretty gnarly things that are being said. Yep. I mean, I can tell you this, though. I'm 40 years old.

2:30:03And in the last eight or nine months, I've had some bad stuff said about me that's not true. That's just flat not true. And I had never really had that happen. Maybe I'm fortunate, but I just never really had that happen. Things that are so untrue that they make me think, well, if somebody said that, I wonder if they have mental problems. Because if they actually said that, that's mentally ill. Now, there's no lawsuit against this guy because you've got to ask yourself if they're doing it, what would be the motivation to do it? Right. Get back at him maybe for something he did to them or said. Yeah, like maybe they just didn't like him. Maybe they didn't like him. Which could be the case with me. If somebody says something bad about me, it could be because they don't like me. People want to believe the worst. That is 100% true. So much more exciting. Yeah.

2:31:06Yeah. I knew it. It also makes them really vulnerable to come out with that kind of allegation. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah. Those kind of crimes against themselves. Yeah, because that's embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah, sure. So, oof. It's embarrassing and it's, what's your motivation to do it? Right. You know, and it sounds like the dam broke. You know, one guy said something and another guy said something and now a third guy's saying something. And, you know. Floodgates are open. Floodgates are open. And, you know, I mean, with everything that's gone on with the Catholic Church, too, and it's just, it's these days, it's like, oh, okay, of course you believe it. Of course you believe it, because that's what you see. You know, and everything that's gone down, and a priest gets in trouble for this, five kids come forward, then five more, then five more, and it's like, well, why wouldn't we believe that Bishop Eddie Long was doing this stuff, you know? Yeah. But, you know, innocent until proven guilty. Yeah, I agree.

2:32:11Still haven't done old-time radio. Want to do that. Great email in here, too, that I want to go over with you. Might reach into the topic jar. Got some good stuff. Hang out. It's a Mikey show. What do you saw these guys in concert? Man. Thursday. I'll tell you what. It's two dudes. How mean is that, first of all? It's pretty rad. It's two dudes, but when they play on tour, they have a couple other guys that they're with them. Last two songs of the set, they kicked the other two guys off and they shredded this. Place went insane. Really? So, he is one of the greatest guitar players I've seen. This kid. No, this is Black Keys. Black Keys. Oh, that's good. That is right up my alley. Oh, yeah. Such a good album. I love blues. I love blues.

2:33:34Are they brothers, Woods? I don't know. I know. I always think they're brothers. I think they're brothers. Bauman loved it. The place was nuts for these guys. They really were. Everyone was freaking out. They were here on Saturday. Soma. Kings rocked the house. Oh, they rocked the house. They were so good. That late singer have short hair now? Yeah. That's the guy that got engaged. The pigeons didn't run them off? No pigeons ran them off. That's good. He was sick, and he fought through it. Oh, boy. Played 25 songs. They were incredible. Like a hero. Fan club manager over here. Absolutely. Steve Woods. Dude, they are so good. You can't run mouth until you've seen them. They're so good live. Who was better? I can run mouth about them and pigeons, though. No, you can't. The Kings were better than the Black Keys. Do you remember that time the pigeons pooped on them and they left the stage? Yeah, when that pigeon defecated in his mouth. I remember that. That didn't happen. It did. It did. They were like. They've played like 250 shows in the last year. I think they're.

2:34:38pretty solid on the road. Remember that time they didn't rise above? You remember that? I'm going to start throwing poop at you guys and see how you rise above. You remember that time they didn't sack it up? Yeah. LLB won't get shot with a BB gun. I got shot. I know. Do you guys? Do you remember that time they had to cancel the rest of the show? Show, yeah. That time all the people were all mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guarantee they'd go back to St. Louis, do a free show, and rock the house. Do you guarantee that? I guarantee it. I talked to Caleb. As fan club manager? As fan club manager, I guarantee they're going to make it up to those people. So you're telling me as KOL fan club manager? Yes, and president. And president. You're not just a client. I'm the president. No, you're the president. they will go back and you guarantee that. Guarantee. Do you remember that time that they canceled their show and we started calling them Queens of Leon? Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that. That was so funny. That was so funny. They're so good. Wait till you hear the new record. You're going to die. You're going to die. Sometimes she gets my funny bone.

2:35:52Perfectly? Yes. Take your pants off. Whoa. What? That's an old bit brought back from Dallas with me. We used to do. Is it like happy birthday? It's like happy birthday. For example, the greatest happy birthday moment happened to me yesterday when I was flying home. You have to explain to listeners what happy birthday is. So, like, let's say if. You also have to explain to L.O.B. You know what happy birthday is. I get what you guys are saying. All right. Let's say the entire Mikey show goes. You know what? Let's say Mikey goes, you know what, Woodsy? I really am in the mood for the counter. And I go, oh, the counter sounds so good. And Jay goes, man, the counter's good. Will says, I'm in. Let's get the counter. And LLB goes, I want El Portal. And we end up eating El Portal. It's, oh, happy birthday. Happy birthday, LLB. Must be your birthday since you get your way. Get your way. So we're on the plane yesterday. We land in El Paso. And they do the count. Some people get on and some people get off and then other people get on. We're flying to San Diego. We are literally, the plane is full. The count is done. Everybody's ready. We're on our way to San Diego. And there's a line for the bathroom. And the guy comes back and goes, hey, you guys that are in line for the bathroom, you have to go sit in your seat. You go pee when we take off. And this lady...

2:37:10stood there waited one person came out and he's like ma'am ma'am do not go in there don't go in there ma'am we have to push back from the gate we have to be on time walks in shuts the door and goes wow oh my gosh three minutes in there we're waiting we're waiting older i mean oldish but like maybe she didn't hear maybe i don't know but she was sitting there And she went to the bathroom and she walked back to her seat. She was sitting in the road right across from me. And I go, oh, happy birthday. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. They should be able to tell you, though, when you can't get up to use the bathroom. Yes, they should. Yes, they should. They had a schedule to keep, L.O.B. I know, but they do that sometimes. They'll be like, it's like, bing. And you have to keep your seat. They'll be like, just to remind passengers, the seatbelt light is on. Please do not get up to use the restroom facility. Do you think that it should be more like this? Hey, this is your captain speaking. I just wanted to let everybody know that rules don't apply to any of you. In fact, if you'd like to make up your own rules, feel free to do that. We have rules for the FAA for your safety. But while we're flying on this flight, it's all about you. And your needs. And your needs. So happy birthday. And if you have to, you know, pee, unlike everyone else on the plane, your bladder is different. Your bladder bleeds, you know, to the point where. Some people do. Yeah. And so you know what?

2:38:28Some people make a big deal out of nothing, too. So I tell you what, while the rest of the people that have to go pee-pee are being big boys and girls and waiting the 10 minutes that it's going to take us to get to 30,000 feet and turn on your electronics, why don't you get up and go to the bathroom while we all wait for you? No, they should say, because they don't want you to get up certain times because there's turbulence and stuff like that. Yeah, so you don't break your neck. Yeah, so they should say, all right, get up at your own risk. You can't stop somebody. We'd rather you not get up at your own risk, though, ma'am, because if you get up at your own risk and you break your neck, guess who you're going to sue? Southwest Carolina. Not if there's a caveat. I've actually heard them say that to people. It's like, I have to tell you to stay seated, but if you feel the need that you have to get up. then go ahead and get up. But my stance is you need to stay in your seat. Yeah. This other clown in front of me. What if someone has to throw up? Are they going to like defecate? There's little bags. There's bags. What if you're going to defecate in your seat? Are you? Some people with issues. Are you? Well, then those people should be wearing something. Yeah. Maybe don't fly. A garment. Should be wearing an undergarment. Check this out, too. So, you know, if you've ever flown Southwest.

2:39:41Everyone has. Eskimos in the middle of Alaska have flown southwest. So they give you a drink, and you get your, you know, I got a Coke, Jamie got a ginger ale, and they give it to you in a little plastic cup with, like, four ice cubes, and you drink it down, and you give it back. Well, the guy in front of me was going to be this guy. Yeah, I'm going to need a whole can of Diet Coke. And the lady's like, sir, we actually just do this. He's like, listen, I want a can. Bring me a can of Diet Coke. It's not too much to ask. She's like, all right. So brings this guy. Jackass then takes it, pours it, spills it all over the place. The can hits the ground, shoots Diet Coke straight up in the air all over my wife's purse. This is the guy right in front of me, by the way. All over Jamie's purse. Jamie was sitting there with her purse on her lap. She goes, why is my leg wet? Why is my leg wet? Pulls up her purse. There's Diet Coke dripping from the bottom of it. Oh, no. Had to have your can, didn't you, pal? It was the greatest. We are all. grown-up little kids. It was the greatest. That dude is seven. Yeah. He had to have his can. He wanted his whole can. He's either seven or he's really cheap and is like, if I'm going to pay, whatever I'm going to pay, you can give me an entire can. Right. Had to have his can and he had it for... He's different. He had it for two seconds before it slipped out of his greasy fingers and hit the ground and you know it had been open. So when it hit the ground, it hit it straight up.

2:41:05The pressure just shot it straight up in the air. The flight attendant should have walked over and been like, that's why I don't give you a full name. But L.O.B., the greatest part is Jamie was in line for the bathroom at this time and heard the lady, she goes, to her compatriot back there, she goes, you know who the guy that wanted his own can? Guess where it ended up? On the floor. It was so great. There's reason, there's rules. Exactly. Oh, wouldn't that be great? Oh, man. Wouldn't that be great? Excuse me. There's rules for a reason. Exactly. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. You see how you dumped all that stupid Coke all over that lady's bag? You know why you did, dum-dum? Because you were impatient. Oh, you had to have it your way. What is this, Burger King? Yeah. Had to have it your way? They were the greatest flight crew. When we got on the plane in Dallas, he goes, You're getting very sleepy. You know, they do bits at Southwest. He kills me. He goes, you're getting very sleepy. Nobody is thirsty. Just go to sleep. It was hysterical. That is kind of funny. I thought you hated when they did. I do, and I told her. I go, listen, I'm not in the mood for bits today. I just want to get home, and they started doing their bits, and I was rolling. You like them.

2:42:19Nobody is thirsty. Nobody wants anything to drink. It was a different bit. It was great. You've never heard it, so it was good. It goes back to my theory. They were all black stewardesses and stewards on the plane. Black people are funnier than white people. That's 100% true. 100%. Listen, this weekend we were in the museum, the Aerospace Museum, and I had this thought in my head, and I go, if I say this thought out loud, am I racist? And this was my thought. I was like, as a generalization, black people dance better than Mexican people. And I'm Mexican. Right. I don't have any rhythm. They dance better than most people. Mexican people are not known for their rhythm. We're just not. No. We're known for boxers. Neither are white people. You know, Mexican, as a, you know, my, my nationality has produced some of the greatest boxers. Absolutely. Ever. Yeah. But we don't have the greatest dancers. No. Just don't. You know what else we don't have the greatest? Running backs. Comedians. Comedians. Some good. Some. Some good. Some. No. Some. No comedians. None. None. What about Felipe Esparza? He was funny. Who's that? He was from Last Common Standing. We used to listen to him on the show, Mikey's show. Oh, we did? He was funny. FM 94.9? Yeah. I don't remember that guy.

2:43:38Carlos Mencia. Oh, the worst. Some people like it, some people don't. You love George Lopez. Oh, he's the worst. But listen, and there are some great white comedians. I think George Carlin was fantastic. He's great. Dennis Leary's funny. What about Seinfeld? Yeah. But the greats, is there anybody funnier than Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock? Richard Pryor, Martin Lawrence, Chris Tucker. It's hysterical. I told you when I write jokes, I write them in my head as a black man. That's how LLB comes up with their humor. As you should. Yeah, but then when I deliver them, I'm like, did you ever notice? Yeah. You guys are not us. You guys are not us. When you're sleeping with a white girl. White girls are like so dumb. That's awesome. I've said it for years, and I will stand by it. There's just nobody funnier. M1 Joel has a good Mexican comedian from San Diego. Go ahead, Joel. M1 Joel. What about Pablo Francisco? That guy's hilarious. He is funny. Pablo Francisco is funny. Who? Never heard of him. Yeah, he's good. Really? Yeah, never heard of him. He's famous. He's hilarious. He is. Pablo Francisco. Pablo Francisco. Does he do the bit? Like, yes, okay, then I'm out. But it's pretty funny.

2:45:02don't make fun of white people, and they don't make fun of black people, and they don't make fun of Mexicans, which is why. Like, Dennis Leary's Irish. He makes fun of Irish, but it's like, great, you're making fun of Irish people. But when black people make fun of white people, it's probably the funniest thing you've ever heard. Daniel Tosh makes fun of everybody. Yeah, he does. He gets away with it, too. How does he get away with it? You hear Dave Chappelle, though, go, I walked up with this white guy, and he was saying, Excuse me, sir. Pardon me, sir. Can I get you a dollar? Yeah, it's crazy. Eddie Murphy's famous bit, man. Don't go to Texas. Everybody's racist in Texas. He gets off the plane, leather outfit, his gold necklaces, and the guy goes, is that your bag? He goes, yeah, mother effer, that's my bag. Can a black man have luggage? Can a black man have a suitcase? It's great. 570-1949. We've got a million directions we can go. You'll have to tune in to see what we do because we've got so many plays we go. Let your voice be heard on the Mikey Show now. Heard on the Mikey Show now. Heard on the... We're saying that today is going to be one of the hottest days of the year. Cannot wait to get to the beach, my brother. It's going to be a nice, nice day here in San Diego. I'm going to surf. I remember hearing this song one time driving in my car and I was not satisfied at that time in my life. And I remember hearing these lyrics.

2:47:38And it was like a scene in a movie. Yeah. I remember having tears like popping out. You ever have tears where sometimes they're slow to come and sometimes they pop out of your eyes? And I remember thinking, every word in it, I was going, oh my gosh. It was like it was talking to my guts. Music does that. That's how I feel. You know, there's, not to bring them up again, but the Kings have a new song. Yeah. It's called Going Back Down South. I put it on my blog the other night. We're at the concert, and they're playing it. And I look over at my wife, and she's bawling, crying. Missing home? Missing home. Yeah. I hope you guys get to that point where San Diego feels more alike. You know, the funny thing is, we flew in yesterday, and we got off the plane. I looked around, and I go, really? The bit. I was like, really? She's like, oh, my God, I love it here so much. You know, it's just having all of our family and stuff back there is tough. We are so close with our family, and not having them here is rough. But, dude.

2:48:37If this was Akron or something, it'd be a lot different. She would probably be staying at home. We love it here. I think San Diegans that are from out of town, which is a lot of San Diegans, they go through that. You go through that. When we heard that song, same bit. Who is that? The War. It's good. I've always said it, man. Music is a soundtrack to your life. No doubt. You hear a song and it's like, I remember that chapter. I think every person on this show feels that way about music, you know. It's all about the music. It's just about the music. Sorry. Tonight's 8 o'clock album on FM 94.9, Autolux, Transit Transit. So lucky, man. We work for one of the coolest stations in the country. You know, this station was nominated for an award. Mm-hmm.

2:49:47for best alternative rock station in the country. Macaroni Award. The Macaroni. Macaroni. Yeah, nominated for Marconi. That's huge. Oh, yeah. All my friends at home were, some of them that haven't been able to listen or whatever, like, so what kind of station? I'm like, for me, perfect. Perfect. Plays everything that I love. Let's see. M1 Chris from Oceanside. What up, dude? Hey, what's up, guys? How you doing? Good. Hey, I just want to. Correct. It's cross. It's cross. Hey, I just want to say, you know what? Always a long weekend waiting for you guys to come back on Monday. Nice. Thank you. Love the show. Thanks. And could I, like, just give a quick shout-out to Sienna? Because I think I speak for all the M1s when I say we miss her. Oh, that's rad. Yes, we do. Yeah, we do. Yeah, totally. We want her back. Yeah, we absolutely want her back. I miss that raspy voice. That's right. I know. I miss it. When are you going to come back, Sienna? I need it. We literally miss you. Get back here. We love you. I know. Take your time with the baby, but we miss you. Thank you. Thank you, Chris. Mom. Mom. I want to go back to work. Look at Hillary. Oh, that's great. Thank you, Chris. See you, buddy. Also, one of our best M1s, M1 Blake. It's his birthday today, so happy birthday, Blake. Oh, happy birthday. How great is that beanbag? It's called the love sack. Oh, my God.

2:51:11Isn't that great? That is huge, first of all, and awesome. You can run and jump and fall on that thing. Watch this. He's going to hit his head. There's blood everywhere. He's going to get hurt. He's going to knock that lamp down. Don't do a flip. Oh, he did. I give him a 6. Not bad. I give him a 4.5, but I'm a tough East German judge. That was pretty good. That thing is comfy. 570-1949. All right, I don't usually do this, but I'm going to let you. Go ahead, M1 Dane from Oceanside. Hey, good morning, guys. First of all, I just want to say I love the show as always. Thank you. I'm going to be off the air pretty soon, so the rest of my day at work is pretty boring once you guys are gone. Easy, easy, easy. Yeah, no, it gets lonely. I don't really like to go to 105.3, so when you guys are off, I'd rather... Well, don't. Stay here. Stay here. You listen to Hillary. I'll play you soon. I also wanted to do a shout-out for my birthday next week. I'm trying to get some people over. It's going to be at the Royal Dive Bar in Oceanside next Friday. Yeah, next Friday, October 8th. And if any of the M1s, if you guys could personally make it out and even say hello, that would be awesome and mean the world to me. Right on. Hey, listen. Rewind.

2:52:28Hillary's here. She's our midday DJ. She's good. Just keep listening. Just keep your radio on. Yeah, keep listening to FM 94.9. Sounds good. No, I'll give it a try today. Yes. There you go. She's awesome. Please do. I will give you so many shout-outs. She's hysterical. She said something the other day. What were you talking about? Balls, but what did you say? Oh, I mentioned nards. Nards. She said nard. Nards. The nards. It's great. Aren't they nards? You wear a nard guard? That's right. That's great. That's right. How do you not love that? Hey, Dane, thanks, man, and happy birthday. Hey, thank you, guys. You got it. That's M1Dane. We got to go. 570-194-9 is the number. At the beginning and end of every show, we let people call in about whatever they want, and you can do that now. Monday Night Football tonight. Green Bay Packers. Chicago Bears. Chicago Bears. Aaron Rodgers needs some points. I'm taking the Pack. Yeah. That's a pretty safe bet. Taking the Packers. Hill, who do you like? Who's playing? The Packers and the Bears. The Bears. Yeah, sure. If it's not the Chargers, I'm kind of like, whatever. Chargers stank the place up yesterday. Oh, it was embarrassing. Turd-like. So frustrating.

2:53:38So frustrating. It was very frustrating because it felt like a rally towards the end there. Oh, man, I know. Special teams is an issue for the Chargers. And they got to get better. We'll keep working on it. I know you don't. I got bigger problems. Get your water heaters broken. I got a water heater at home I got to deal with. And people are saying, you know, try being the head coach of the team. I can't just be head coach all the time. Still got to be a father and a husband. Still got to be a father and a husband and apparently a gardener now. A sprinkler head that's broken. And that's what my mind was on yesterday during the game. Obviously. I just, you know, can't separate the two of them. Sometimes you got to leave it at the door. That's what we try to do here. Yeah, you check it. Check your baggage. Oh, yeah. M1B1 from University Heights. Are you there? What's going on? Good morning. Hey. Mike, I'm super bummed, man. You were at Balboa Park this weekend? Yes, sir. Oh, man. Me and my son, he's almost two. We go down there all the time. Just love to look at the fishies and all that stuff. Where are the fishies at? You know that huge, like, pond? Yeah. There's like a gang load of koi fish in there. It's sad. You know, I even said to my wife, I go,

2:55:05It says don't feed the fish. I go, I don't see any fish. There's fish in there? Well, we're in the big one that's on the bottom, but I haven't seen them there for a while. If you go up top, there's a smaller pond, and there's been a bunch of them up there. There you go. But, yeah, hey, and also real quick, dude, I turned my mom on to your show, right? Right on. And, you know, my mom's a typical mom, and she's listening to you and Wood do your thing, and she goes, she goes, Are they gay? I know you're gay. Because we have a bromance. I go, no, no, no. No, they just act like it. Yeah, we're both married to hot blondes. More than likely. All right, you guys. Good to have you back for the week. All right. Thanks. Appreciate it. Emma and Lori from Carlsbad. You're the last call. What's up? What? At a show? You're not allowed to talk? What? Wow. Or have fun. Wait, what? Or chew gum. Was it Footloose? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2:56:26This is my first time at Humphreys, and I am not going back. That's weird. I've never heard of that happening there. I think it had to be the band. Maybe it was a band edict, I think. I'll never forget. There was a guy named Jeff Klein. He's a really good singer-songwriter. Went to see him play. He stopped down in the middle of his song and filleted this guy, dropping F-bombs at him. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I was so embarrassed for this dude. Because the guy talked? He stopped in the middle of the song and goes... And he's, hey man, maybe you shut the F up. Just like that. I was like, oh my God. I was like, I backed away from the stage. A little full of yourself there. You know who's a master of that is Henry Rollins, especially when he does his spoken word, his talking shows. Right. He will, yeah, just completely stop in the middle of a sentence and call everybody's attention to the, you know. Does he want silence? Well, here's the thing. Yeah, pretty much. If you go to a spoken word deal. that vibe is quiet. Right, yeah. That's a very quiet vibe. If you're at a concert where it's like music and it's loud and you say something to the person that you're with, that doesn't seem unreasonable. UB40 is...

2:57:41Pretty lucky that there's people going to their shows still, right? Are they not? Yeah, that's weird. Let them party, man. Pour drinks down their throat. Let's go. Put on a referee outfit. Absolutely. Tequila shots. You're like, woo! You're blowing a whistle. Goes to my head. Do tequila shots, spin them around the barber chair. That's fantastic. No. That's great. Yeah, it must not have been, because I've been to Humphreys. It must have been the band that said that. Ma'am, you need to keep it down. You're at a concert. You're not at a library. You're at a concert. And I've called people out during my stand-up, but that's because if you can't hear the words, then it's not funny if you can't hear it. That's LLB. That's the same as a spoken word thing. You're there to watch that person perform on stage. Now, in a band, it's music. There's a whole lot going on. You're supposed to dance. Hill, what do you got coming up today? Well, I did grab the new Kings of Leon because Woodsy wouldn't show up about it. Thank you. And I never will. New Gorillaz. I love them. New Politics, a new song from them. One of the bands playing our eighth anniversary bash and The Clash. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Make sure you listen and we'll come back at six. We'll do it again. Mikey shows out late.