The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 09/28/10

1:17Welcome to the program. It's a Mikey show. We are on the radio station FM 94.9 broadcasting live on frequency modulation 94.9. Here's our number. 5701949. Call us and talk about whatever you want. You want to call in and talk about the UFO story? You can do it. You want to call in and talk about the Encinitas girl getting kidnapped story? You can do it. You want to call in and talk about the heat? You can do it. That's what we're going to be talking about. We're going to be talking sports in a little bit. We'll be talking Padre baseball. I'm sure there's an angle that we can talk about with Charger football. I mean, it's a wide open field right now. Anything you want. You know what I'm saying? 570-1949. Right now is the time to call. The beginning of the show is when we have you call in, talk about whatever. We'll be nice to you, we'll love you, and we'll treat you as an M1. M1 Nation is about being a part of something. It's about being a part of a family. That's what the M1 Nation is. M1s are Mikey Show listeners, the preferred listeners in San Diego County. If you live in San Diego,

2:48and you are going to form an allegiance with something on the radio, it shouldn't be any other radio show but The Mikey Show. That means you're an M1. 570-1949 is the number. Call us now. We want to talk to you. We are a family, pal. You're the dad. I'm the brother. L-O-B and Sienna are the sisters. Jay's the granddad. Can I be the creepy uncle? Yes, Jay's the creepy uncle. He is the creepy uncle. He wants to be the creepy uncle. And Will is, what is Will? Will's our cousin. He's a cousin. He's a cousin. And all of the M1s are a part of that family. You are all a part of that family. That's right. Sleepover at Mikey's house this weekend. Family sleepover. Again? Yeah. That's crazy! Of course it is. I get to be on top. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Welcome. This is a dream of mine come true to be on the radio.

3:48I've wanted it since I was a little boy. Went to the Howard Stern Show. Went on the Howard Stern Show back in 97 sitting on an aircraft waiting to take off from New York City after I made an appearance on his show. And asked my boss at the time if I could one day replace Howard if he ever left the airwaves and have a cast around me. More than just me. And he said no. He was very clear. He was very, you know. He didn't mince words. No, he didn't mince words. And he... He didn't want to give me any false hope. He didn't want to say maybe. He said, no, no, that's not going to happen. Oh, all right. He said, you're best just by yourself and at night. Wow. And I still talk to him. In your face. I still talk to that guy. He's a good dude. Maybe he feasts. Yeah, he was wrong about that. Absolutely. A lot of times people are wrong. You know, Led Zeppelin was not. widely accepted by the press. Rolling Stone magazine hated Led Zeppelin. Hated them. Most reviews of Led Zeppelin were bad. And when I am written about in local papers, the North County Times, Randy Dotinga has been nice in the last eight months. I think he's been fair. Very fair, Randy Dotinga. There have been times where he's put me on a spit.

5:16And he has roasted me over an open flame. Feels real good. And poked you to see if you were done. That's right. Put a little toothpick in to see if it comes out moist. Ken Layton. Ken Layton has kind of gone back and forth. Sometimes Ken despises everything about me. Sometimes Ken is fair. The San Diego Union Tribune refuses to acknowledge that I am a living person. Why is that, you think? I don't know. Really? I don't know. Have they never done anything? The San Diego Union Tribune, I think, thinks of me as a sophomoric, childish, aberration. Aberration. Wow. In broadcasting.

6:18Not something to be taken seriously. That's too bad. Yeah. The fans, though, have always made the show's ratings extraordinarily high. Yeah. So the fans say something different than the press. Mike, those who can't do critique, pal. Okay? Yeah. That's the way I've always looked at it. Yeah. It doesn't get any harder to read those negative reviews, does it, Mike? It does not. Did I say harder? Easier. I meant to say easier. For whatever reason, my brain processed it as the correct thing. He knew what you were talking about. We'll review the tape later. Yeah. Will is our phone screener. Will, the font on my phone screening stuff got real big and now I can't read everything. You know, right? You didn't do it. I wonder why it's like that. Jay, do you know? I don't know why, but I can fix it. Will, use the calligraphy setting. That's Mikey's favorite. Sanskrit. Yeah, Sanskrit. No, that's not true. It's Helvetica. Helvetica Bold 9. Helvetica Bold 9. Did you watch the documentary about Helvetica? I can't bring myself. Wait, what? I know. You know how you say I'd watch a documentary on a turd drying? Yes. I can't bring myself to watch a documentary about font. They have one? Yes, it's called Helvetica. I keep passing it up, but apparently it's good. But I'm like, I don't know. It's got great reviews. Really? It's a documentary on font. Yeah. Wow.

7:40I settled in last night and watched the documentary. Instead of Monday Night Football, I got roasted and filleted for it real sweetly, but I had to see it. I was skimming around on demand, and I was like, oh, wow, look what's here. It's the Joaquin. It's already out. I can't believe it's already on demand. They need to make money. They need to make money. So I watched the documentary, then went to bed and watched the interview he did on Letterman after the post, I'm still here. If you don't know, the Joaquin Phoenix movie is a documentary about him going off the deep end and deciding he's going to become a rapper and leave the acting industry. And it chronicles his year and a half where he grows a long beard and sort of goes off the deep end. And then it came out that it was all. A ruse. Would you call that a mockumentary? Or is a mockumentary more like this? Yeah, a mockumentary is very clearly open about what it is. And it's, what's the one that we love? Best in Show. Best in Show is a mockumentary. Waiting for Guffman. Yeah. Yeah. You know. This movie, though, I was spellbound. Really? Captivated. My wife loved it. We watched the whole thing. And I looked at her after it was over, and I go, listen, I don't care.

8:55I don't care if it's fake, real, whatever. I said, that dude is the sickest actor ever. Yeah. Sick. He is. I mean, just, and then to see him on Letterman, back to himself, it felt, there was something in me that felt good. I felt good to see him in a sharp suit and tie, you know, looking good, being clear and concise and, you know, joking about the whole thing. Because I love that guy. Yeah. Always love that guy. 570-1949 is our number. M1 Dirt from Point Loma. Good morning. I've been listening for about seven years now, and I want to tell you guys the show has never been better. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much. If I was a writer for the Union Tribune, I'd write about you guys. That's huge. A shining review. Oh, that's great. I do have a question, though. I feel like I know you so well for how much I've listened, but you have no idea who I am.

9:53You know, that's the case with many of your listeners. Is that weird for you? Yeah. Yesterday I was driving on the freeway. And a guy next to me rolled his window down. And so I rolled my window down. And he said, are you Mikey? And I said, yeah. And he gave me the aloha. Hang loose. Hang loose thing with the hand. And he was really excited. And it was cool because I thought to myself, we know each other. Yeah. You know, I don't know him, but we know each other, you know? When I went down a couple weeks ago, we were, I think it was our first day in here. I went down to get us all food. Yeah. I was walking in to the place downstairs, and this guy goes, Woodsy. And I had jumped back. It was M1 12 Gage, who I've talked to on Facebook, I don't know, 700 times. Yeah. And, you know, I know about his family. I know his allegiances to his sports team. I know what music he liked. Yeah. And we had probably a 20-minute conversation down there, and it was like,

10:53He said, man, you're the same guy as you are on the radio. And I said, man, that's exactly the biggest compliment that you can pay me. Because that's what all of us want to be. Absolutely. You guys have me cracking up all the time. Thank you. That's very nice. Well, I know I'm listening too much because I started dreaming about the Mikey show. We get that a lot, man. That makes two of us, pal. We actually hear that. We hear that a lot. I love you guys. You guys are the best. Thank you very much, man. We'll see you. Okay, so the big stories out there. Let's start with the Encinitas girl, then we'll move on to the heat wave. But the story is a couple days ago. Was it yesterday that we reported on it? We reported on it yesterday. It happened over the weekend. It was a girl in Encinitas that was abducted. Yep. And she was abducted by three guys. Now, two of the guys she could give a description of. Right. Because she said that they took her right off the street in broad daylight, drove her to an undisclosed location. They sexually assaulted her. She had a very good description of the two guys in the backseat with her, but not the greatest description of the driver, the third person. But, Woodsy, what's the latest news? Well, we even went so far as to post the sketches on the Mikey Show.

12:12Facebook fan page, and the MikeyShow.com page. You know, it was very concerning for us. We're, you know, it's kind of in our backyards. Right. And with everything that's happened in this county with, you know, Chelsea King and Amber Dubois, everybody's on red alert. Right. Well, it turns out that this was not the case. It was a hoax. It was a hoax. And I say hoax, but there's extenuating circumstances. Basically what happened is she met a guy online. An older gentleman online. He convinced her to meet him, skip her last class, meet him outside. He picked her up. They went to an undisclosed location and had sex. And he dropped her back off at the school. The way that she described it was her parents would have been really mad at her for meeting somebody online. They had warned her continuously, hey, don't do the chat room bit. Don't meet people online. She did. She had sex with this guy. I'm not sure if it was consensual. I mean, she's underage. Obviously, she's 15 years old. But that is exactly what happened. So she got scared and made up this story. Now, what I'm wondering is why she felt the need to make the story up. Because of her parents. I know, but why the need to make the story up? Maybe she was having some physical... Was she pregnant? Oh, like did she get in... Why did she get... How did she get caught? No, in other words, yeah. Were her parents like...

13:39You had sex, didn't you? Right. I mean. Maybe she was like, what happens sometimes the first time, you know, there's some tearing. And her parents asked her about it? Maybe she wanted to go to the doctor. Who knows? Maybe she thought she was pregnant and she was trying to. She describes it as being victimized by somebody that she met online. And the quote is, the victim was embarrassed, ashamed, and scared of how her parents would react to her being victimized by someone she'd met online since they had told her over and over and over. Don't meet guys online. She did. Something happened. So she made up this story. So she wanted to turn the guy in, but she made up a story around it. Right. Because something happened, I guess. I'm assuming here. I'm guessing. They probably had sex. Well, they had sex, but I don't know that it was consensual. But they're looking for this guy anyway. Any way you slice it, this guy's a predator. Right. Period. Sure. Whether she said, yeah, absolutely, I'm all the way in. Yeah. Or he forced her, he's a predator. Right. Yeah. Because she's 15 and he's not. We don't know the whole story yet. And we will, I'm sure. Of course. But it's, you know, the community of Encinitas was on high alert. I mean, everybody was freaking out and looking over their shoulder. And I know I saw this last night and I was like, you've got to be kidding me. You've got to be kidding me. Yeah.

14:57Yeah, it's just, the whole thing is weird. The whole thing is weird. And, you know, what really sucks is that her parents told her about this kind of stuff. Yeah, man. And she still did it, which makes me as a parent go, it has a lot to do with the actual kid. You know, I mean, you can tell one kid, you're the same parent, by the way. Tell one kid one thing, they do it. Tell the other kid one thing, they don't do it. It's the kid. It's who the kid is. And so, you know. It just stinks. I mean, I'm not going to pretend I'm super dad. All I can do is impart to my kids what I, you know, values, and whether or not they keep them or don't is up to them. Sure. My dad never said to me, my dad never said to me, don't do coke. Right. Now, I will say to my boys, don't do coke. Yeah. Okay, I will say that to my boys. Maybe a lot of times a parent we think.

15:55Certain stuff we don't have to tell our kids because it just goes without saying. I don't think so. Will you tell them about your experiences? Yeah. All of them? Yeah. I kind of always felt I would too. I'll say it drove me to be a dirt bag. I will tell them it drove me to be a dirt bag. Fast forward the tape. Well, it's almost more compelling from someone that's been through it and has had negative effects to be able to say, look, I've been down that road. That's how I feel about my tattoo at least. I told my daughter, don't get a rooster tattoo on your ankle. Well, see, I have tattoos, and people have asked me that. Are you ever going to say anything to your kids about tattoos? My deal with that is wait as long as you can. You're free to do whatever you want when you're 18, but wait as long as you can. I like my tattoos. There's a couple of them I would maybe change or get rid of or whatever, but for the most part, I'm pretty stoked. Somebody said something one time, and it always resonated with me. They said, if you want to be different, You tell your kid, Dad, I've got to get my ears pierced, and I've got to get big spacers in, and I want my lip pierced, and I want a sleeve. Dude, here's the deal. I wrestle in my head all the time because I kind of want a little half sleeve, but I'm like, I can't do it. You know why? Because everybody else has it done. And they're like, hey, if you really want to be different, be the guy with nothing. That's the different kid these days is the kid with nothing. Yeah. 570-1949, call us. Talk about any of this. What do you think about the Encinitas thing?

17:23This text message says, Mikey, my family and I were at Balboa Park on Saturday letting our two-year-old run around within the kids center. I noticed you were there with your family and I honestly felt starstruck, LOL. I wanted to go up and say hello, but I didn't want to bother you when spending time with your family. What's your opinion on public meetings when you're out with the family? M1 Eric. Dude, I love it. In fact, I'll be honest with you. The only thing that I don't love is when people say really strange things. And by strange things, I just mean inappropriate things. Sometimes people will go, I don't like it when you blah, blah, blah on the radio. And the only reason I say that that's inappropriate is because if I don't know you, it's okay for me to say something nice to you. Right. Me, to you. I mean, if I meet you. It's appropriate for me to say to you, hey, that's a beautiful family you have there. It's not appropriate for me to go if I'm meeting you at the drugstore. It's not appropriate for me to say to you, and by the way, I've been noticing how you're stacking these shelves. It's not very good. Right.

18:38And I'll see you later. Yeah, you didn't really hit your last month's sales numbers, okay? You're going to need to really buckle down in the fourth quarter. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, it's just weird. It's weird. That's all. It's just weird. It is a weird thing. But if you are cool and you're like, hey, how are you? It's, you know, I'm a fan, blah, blah, blah. That's, I love that experience. It happened a few times. It's the greatest. At Balboa Park. And I love the experience of meeting M1s. And I love, love, love it. I do too. Yeah. I love it. You feel real good. Yeah, when people say they listen. But same thing, like. Don't tell me that you hate Susanna. Yeah. I know. Well, because it just hurts your feelings. Yeah, I'm like, oh, cool. Glad I dreamed that up, and I'll never do that character again. And it sticks, and it really does stick in your mind. Somebody had told me a couple things that they didn't like that I did. I don't do them anymore, and I hate that. I hate that because I'm like, now I don't dictate what I do. You do. And that's one person. One doesn't speak for all. Woods is very thin-skinned. Oh, you guys know that. You guys know I come into meetings, you guys, hey, we've got this idea for Wolfgang or Dave Matthews. I'm like, nope. Such a tough guy with such thin skin. I'm not thin-skinned. I can take a lot of heat. I can take a lot of heat. I have broad shoulders. Public opinion kills you. But public opinion slays me. You have to like me.

19:53Listen. You have to. I'll lose my mind. If you don't like me, I'll lose my mind. I hear you. That is, let me tell you, that's all of us. And if anybody tells you that's not me, they're lying to you. They're lying. I mean, there's a guy wrote me this weekend and he goes, I was just in one of my moods. I get in these moods, but he wrote me and he said, I can't believe that you didn't know. Vincent Jackson's contract status. I was screaming at the radio. I can't believe that you didn't know, as a sports guy, that he was under contract for one more year. And I was reading the email going, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm terrible. I'm an awful person. I'm terrible. I'm a loser. I don't do research. I come in here and wing it every day, apparently. I was going to slip my wrist. You're doing one and a half jobs right now. Yeah, and that's kind of what I told him. I was like, dude, I'm... buried, man. I really am. I love it. I love you guys, but I'm buried, you know, and I just said, but I felt like a turd. I felt like a turd. Yeah. So bad. I go to Jamie. I'm acting a fool. I'm going to kung fu. That's right. I'm going to kung fu you next time. So just be nice. Yeah, you just be nice, and we love you. I'll love you back. I swear I will. I'll give you a big hug. Word of the day is dungaroos. Dungaroos? Is that a...

21:04Hey. Is that a word? That's a real word. Who came up with a word? I do. I come up with them every day. Do you mean dungarees? Do you mean dungarees? What did I say? You. Speaking of doing one and a half jobs, I think I was thinking of dunkaroos, the cookies. It's dungarees. Dungarees? Yeah. Oh. Can't believe you didn't know it was dungarees, L-O-B. What kind of a word comer-upper are you? Why didn't Spellcheck let me know? Dungarees is the word it is. When you hear me work that into a sentence, we call her now. What do you win, Jay? You're going to get San Diego Padres tickets as a battle against the Chicago Cubs at Petco Park. Padres Cubs. Good. Dunkaroos. Thursday? I've never heard of those either. Dunkaroos are cookies. Are they delicious? Yeah. All right, cool. Okay. That's genius. Made my day. I promised Jay yesterday. I promised him that I would try to be good about being on time. And so I know that I need to be on time. But I also know that I just want to talk about. Oh, by the way, Hoyle coming up later on the show. Hoyle wants to come in and talk about. Weird.

22:25Something. I don't know. Promoting something. Hoyle's our station manager. Allegedly. He's free to come in whenever you want. I don't care. It's his building, right? Sure, he's a manager. Allegedly. Yeah, he's a manager. We had a heat wave yesterday. I was driving home, and I took a picture of how hot it was, and it got hotter. I took a picture when it was 105, but it got up to 107 while I was driving. Let me just read you some of the temperatures yesterday. In San Diego. Rancho Bernardo, 112. Oh, wow. Escondido, 110. El Cajon, 109. Carlsbad, California. Home of the ocean. Yeah. Home of white sand. Home of cool ocean breezes. 108 degrees. That's crazy. Wow.

23:31Point Loma, home of the docks where boats come and dock. 106. Oceanside, it's in the name, 105. Del Mar, 104. Coronado, 102. National City, 97. Holy cow. Yeah, it was hot. These have to be records. Oh, yeah, dude. It was hot. I loved it. I loved it. I loved every second. Me too. I was outside all day. Me too. I vacillate between loving it and going, okay, okay, okay, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, you're hot. Weren't we crying? Yeah. Because it wasn't hot and we wanted heat. Wait, wait, wait. I loved it. Hang on a minute. I wasn't crying for heat. Oh, please. Oh, boy. You wanted sun. Now we've got to set the temperature gauge. Am I rewriting history? Everybody was crying yesterday. Listen, I loved it.

24:28I know. Yeah, it's not like it's been here for a week. It's not even that bad. I'm from Dallas. Imagine having 85% humidity and it being 108. Well, by summer, do we mean 112? I didn't. For the record, I didn't. No, but it's a nice contrast to what it was. What I meant by summer was 87 degrees. That's what I meant by summer. That's what it'll be today, I think. Really? The pool was real nice, though. The ocean was floating around. Delightful. It was. And I saw a lot of that, by the way, on Facebook. Yo, you were crying about where's summer, blah, blah, blah. I said, yeah, I was crying about where's summer. I wasn't crying about where is the Kalahari. I wasn't saying, how come there's not antelope jumping around the five? I didn't say that. I'm driving home yesterday. I'm looking for wildebeest. Mirages. Yeah, the capybara. Holy cow. A hundred. Cupy what? 112? What is that? It's great. Yeah, if you're in the Sahara. There's no humidity. There was no humidity. It was just hot. It was a little damp, though. I went to the beach and my towel, everything got, like, damp. I had to dig a hole yesterday and use a still with my own urine to try to create water. Please. Because you've got to drink up to four pints of liquid per day in order to survive in temperatures like yesterday. I loved it. I loved it. Really hot.

25:50Still freezing. Still freezing. It's not going to get any warm. Did you guys get that wind at 2.30 last night? That wind came blowing everything around. You're just taking a jog at 2.30? I was up watching TV at 2.30. Getting ready for work. At 2.30? You were already up? It was windy? Something woke me up to go to the bathroom. I guess it was that. Do we know what's supposed to happen today? I checked the temperature this morning as I was getting dressed to figure out what to wear because it's like the Arctic in here. It's the Sahara outside. And it said high of like 84 or something like that. Yeah, it comes as no surprise that we were really taxing the energy yesterday. I don't know what any of this means, but it says that there was a record 4,686. megawatts of energy used about 330. I don't know what that means, though. It means a lot of power got used. And I, Mikey, have, if you are interested, some power-saving tips. Oh, yeah, I am. For the peeps. It does say here in the front of the UT that today will be 15 to 20 degrees cooler. Oh, good. Be perfect. What do you got? Set your thermostats at 78 when you're home and 85 when you're not. I hope the missus is listening. 78 when you're home? When you're home and 85 when you're not.

27:12Maybe the person that wrote that, that's comfortable to them. What do you have yours on, 70? 74. Okay, well that's not... 74. I don't even, like, even less, I have AC, which is rare, especially if you're anywhere close to the coast, and I didn't even use it. Just open the windows, turn it back on. But you're right by the coast. Yeah. I mean, you're right, you could practically see the water, right? Yeah, I can from certain vantage points. Because that ain't... I mean, that's not super hot, but if you're inland, you know, it's hot. Cool your house overnight and keep it buttoned up during the day. That's what we do. I think that's what we do, too. Close your windows and shades to keep sunlight out. That's Captain Obvious. Use fans to move air around. Yeah, so it's like a convection oven. Yeah, turn off unneeded lights, computers, and appliances. My key. Unplug small appliances you're not using and use your major appliances before 11 a.m. or after 7 p.m. Great. There you go. Hey, honey, when we leaven the dough today, let's do it at 1050, okay? Because the paper says not to use. Unplug the crock pot. Yeah. Hun, let's make our roast between 1 a.m. and 7 a.m. How good is a roast sound right now? A roast. Delicious. So hot. L.O.B.'s guiltiest pleasure right here. She loves it every time it's on.

28:36Word of the day, dungarees, when you hear it worked into a sentence. Caller 9 wins tickets to the Padres Cubs Thursday. Speaking of the Padres, are they going to make the playoffs? Where are they in the playoff chase? What happened last night? How many games ahead are we? How many games behind are we? Woods will fill you all in. Woods on Sports, next. I hear correctly. It's dungarees. I thought it was dungarees. I call them dungaroos, but I guess the correct word is dungaroes. I'm wearing a pair of dungaroos right now. You're waiting for us to use the word of the day and work it into a sentence cleverly. And that wasn't it. It doesn't count. I said it too, and it does not count. It's got to be my key. It's got to be my key. It's got to be me. My key. So when you hear me do that, call our number 9 at 570-1949. We'll win Padres Cubs tickets for Thursday. Speaking of the Padres.

30:26Woodsy's going to tell you about where we are in the chase. Are we ahead? Are we behind? Where are we? Stress you out? I don't know where it came from, but apparently Mel Gibson wrote an email to Oksana and was apologizing to her, and the email has become public. What do we know, Woods? Here's what we know. She has made claims of a violent assault by Mel Gibson, left her with a bruised eye and a damaged tooth. So the email from Gibson asks, allegedly, at 8.38 a.m. on January 7th, how's your tooth? Could you please call me? I want to tell you how unspeakably sorry I am. He also says, Oksana, I wasn't safe for you last night. Basically, it's kind of an admission.

31:27Kind of not. Yeah. You know, I mean, he's asking her, hey, how's your tooth? It's strong evidence. It's pretty strong evidence, I would say. Yeah. Of him hurting her. Hurting her. Yeah, I mean, he says, I'm unspeakably sorry. You know, and she had gone to the doctor but never went to the police, really. So she did not blow the whistle on her famous boyfriend because they were still together and she didn't want to call the police, is what it says. 570-1949 is our number. You can also text message us. 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us that way. The guys that are trapped in the mine in Chile are still there. They're still in that mine. It's been so long now. A couple of weeks. I can't imagine being stuck in a mine. for 12 hours. I know. Yep. Let alone as long as they've been there. How about 15 minutes? Oh, dude. Dude. They've been there such a long time and now they're trying to get some food to them. I mean, not food. They're thinking they may be able to pull them up. They're thinking so. They have sent what is called, they're calling the Phoenix Capsule. And basically what that is, it's a 924 pound cage. It's expected to haul the 33 trap miners back to the surface.

32:5333. 33 of those guys, man. I wonder why they couldn't just make something that could bring them up one at a time. Like a rope? I think that this is what that is. They're going to pull them all up, and they said, listen, some guys are... So they're not going to put all 33 dudes. No, it's going to be one at a time. It's a capsule, and it said basically they're all going to fit fine. Some of them are skinny, some of them are fat, but it's perfect for all of them. They would have to make a second trip if I were trapped down there. Can you imagine being down in that mine for this long? Holy cow. It just speaks of the human spirit, man, and human condition, and the way that these guys are able to say, it's coming. Help's coming. We're going to be all right. They're sending him food. Are they sending him any light? They're sending him cigs. The Lord loves fresh cigarettes. Imagine being trapped down there, a guy blasting cigs next to you the whole time. Well, what I want to know is how much space there actually is down there. I don't know. Because they also have to go to the restroom. Oh, good Lord. They also have to go to the restroom. They've probably sent them port-a-potties. Probably not. No, dude. If they can send them food, they can send them that. How do you send them port-a-potties? Like a little bag? Yeah, you send them a little thing. They bury it, maybe. I'm sure they... There's a way that they have figured out because that's dangerous. It's dangerous. You can't be around that caca and stuff. You can't. So they've figured something out. They have to.

34:18Climbers use like a PVC pipe and it just packs into the pipe. Pack it in real good. Just little plastic bags you put in the pipe and you cap it. Climbers? Yeah. Like rock climbing? When you climb a rock and you spend any amount of time on a rock, you can't just leave it right there on a ledge. So you do it in a pipe? So you do it in a bag. In a bag. Seal the bag and you put it inside. It's like a PVC pipe with caps on both ends. Because you can't just leave it there. Because, I mean, think about all the guys over and over again. All of a sudden all the water's polluted. Have you ever done that, Jay? Oh, absolutely. So do you leave the PVC pipe behind or put it in your bag? No, you have to take it with you. Yeah, okay. I've also left some on the mountainside where I was. Because you didn't have a choice, right? I told you that story where I was climbing. We were, you know, a thousand feet up and my buddy's two feet away from me. I'm like, oh, you're going to have to turn around. Oh, wow. Because I'm about to explode. Wow. Oh, boy. You didn't have a choice. I had no choice. So he's like, never tell a soul about this. So here I am telling everybody. When you've used the pipe thing, is that something that you get at like REI? We just made it. At PVC. Yeah, we just made it at PVC. Just saw it off. Do they offer something at REI for mountain climbers? It's a poop pipe. A poop pipe. Do they?

35:28I don't know. I've never bought one. We rented the bear canisters because you had to put all your food in these. Have you seen these things where you hike with it because the bears will come out and attack you? Yeah. So you seal all your food in this plastic tube. You know what that doesn't happen to? Yeah, guys that stay home and hang out. Watch the TV. Read a book. Absolutely. Guys that are sitting out by the pool with a glass of lemonade. Absolutely. You know who doesn't see unbelievable views of the country? Yeah, you see them on TV. Yeah, in high definition. HD. It ain't the same. National Geographic, L.O.B. I've really learned to let it be the same. I have so let it learn to be the same too when it comes to hiking and climbing. I've only been rock climbing once and it was in Thailand and I was like, yes. And I was like, wow. I could not have imagined. I didn't even go that high, but I was like, I could not have imagined. I watched the TV show Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, and he was in Thailand, and it was just like being there. I don't need to go now. You don't even need to go. I don't have to go now. Climbing is so fun. You would like it, Mike. He would not. Would I like it? He would. He would not. Would I like putting my anchor into the rock and making sure that my life is preserved by anchoring just right? You could have somebody else do that, but then you'd have to have a, like Woods could belay you or whatever. We're not belaying him.

36:40I'm a married man, L.O.B. Okay? Yeah. You need two people to know what they're doing. I'm not gay. I like girls. I'm not gay. I'm not going to let Woods belay me. That's the filthiest thing that you've ever suggested. But it's like a puzzle. You'd like it. Why don't you try it? Get all the way out. And you're being inappropriate. L.O.B. You're on belay. I can't believe that here we are, nine months into this thing, and she still doesn't know me well enough to think that she would suggest that Woods, a friend of mine, and a male friend at that, belay me. Yeah. Yuck. You belay yourself. Oh, belay you. Belay you, sir. That's a bunch of belay. Oh, boy. You and your belay-filled mind. Greg Gass may be on the show this week. Stop teasing me. I know. He's performing Saturday, October 2nd. Yeah, 4th and B. I'm going. He said the weather was real bad in New York City, and he was delayed, delayed, delayed, even getting out of New York City. It's rainy. Yeah. He was on Howard yesterday morning. I missed it. And so he'll be here hopefully this week. As far as I know, I'm having dinner with him tonight, he said.

37:58Where are we eating? And I was going to ask you, because I know today's Jamie's birthday. Yes, happy birthday. Are you available to do that tonight? No, it's birthday. It's birthday week. Well, I was going to say, bring her with you. Maybe. She might like that. She might actually enjoy it. She's a huge Stern fan. And she's aware of Craig's work. Oh, absolutely. She knows Craig Gass. Man, I think she may slit your throat if you recommend it. I don't think so. I think she'd be all the way in. Well, she's heard it, so let her now put it on the table. We're taking her to lunch today and getting her some little treats and whatnot and trinkets. Trinkets and whatnot. There you go. Good husband. She's a good wife. She woke up early and fixed me a little snack pack this morning. It was sweetly. That's nice. On her birthday. What do you have in there? All kinds of stuff. You didn't offer LOB anything. I didn't. Is she hungry? Clamoring for snacks. I offered her an orange. Earlier, yeah. That's nice. What's on sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Monday night football last night. I did actually catch the last minute and 40 seconds, which is really all you need to watch in a close game, right? Yeah. Well, the Packers.

39:14I don't know what happened to these guys, but they had 18 penalties last night, which is just ungodly. It was a Packers record. 18 penalties, man. That's crazy. Isn't that nuts? And they lost to the Bears, which we all picked the Packers to win last night. I mean, that was pretty obvious they were going to take care of the Bears. But no, they did not. They lost 20-17. Robbie Gould hit a 19-yard field goal with four seconds left. Bears quarterback, Captain Dumbface, Jake Cutler, cut one. We're winning ballgames. We're still learning as an offense. We played well last week. For the record, he has not legally changed his name to Captain Dumbface. That is an editorial comment. on the part of Woods. I'm sorry, a little shaky. Turn it around. This week we had some big plays, got some big chunks, scored right before halftime, drove down at the end of the game, got the field goal. So we're doing enough to win. We can always get a little bit better, though. I can't believe that guy gets to see Kristen Cavallari naked. That blows my mind. She's so hot. So hot. I didn't know they were dating. Oh, yeah.

40:25And that guy gets to see her naked. I can't tell you. That makes my mouth water. Must be nice to sling a football real good. I'm out of it, though. You know that. I don't know what she looks like. I don't know who she is. She's hot. Brunette, blonde, redhead. Blonde. Okay. I'll show you. I'm all right. I'm going to show you anyway. I'm good. I'm going to show you. No, thanks. He will show him. I'm going to show him. He knows that. I won't look. Yes, you won't. Colts president, Bill Polian, has basically come out and said, hey, listen. This 18-game season that we're talking about next year for the NFL, it's going to happen. 18 games, regular season games. Well, first of all, there won't be any football next season, I don't think. Allegedly. I don't really either. Yeah, I don't think so. When it does come back, there's going to be 18 regular season games. His quote was this. I think the owners and principally the commissioner have decided that it's the way to go. So that's the debate. And so the debate, such as it was, is over. Oh, wow. Yeah, he is basically saying that this is a done deal, man. 18 games. The players are... The players have a union, you know, that has to say, oh, yeah, we'll do that. We'll sign off on that. They're furious. I bet. They're furious. You don't want to play two more regular season games, get killed.

41:31Also last night, the Phillies clinched the NL East for their fourth consecutive National League East title. It's easy for me to say. LLB was already running some smack yesterday on my page. Here's their manager, Charlie Manuel, cut to you. That says a whole lot. That says that we are definitely coming into the... A place where people should think that we're winners. That's what we're trying to establish. Can we try to establish for a long time? There's a whole lot about it. Absolutely. The American League East is still up for grabs. The Rays are leading the Yankees by a half game. The races are tight, and they are getting tighter. It is crazy. I'm going to tell you about the Padres here right now. You know who I want to hear about. Well, they didn't get it done last night. They lost one. to nothing. Heartbreaking. One to nothing. One to nothing. Are they playing the Cubbies? Playing the Cubs in front of 14 fans at Petco Park. Pretty much. Pretty much. Yeah. And of the 14, 12 of them were Cubs fans. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. There were a lot of Cubs fans. Of course. The Padres are one game back of the Giants in the NL West and a half game back of the Braves in the wildcard race. So now they're not even leading the wildcard and they're not leading the West. They end the season with three games.

42:50at San Francisco. It's going to be ridiculous. Bet you their fans show up. We still got games this week here. I don't have anything I can say back to that. That's the worst feeling. There's really nothing you can say. How many games we got left here? Thursday is our last game here. Thursday. So we've got Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Three games here. Three games. Three games in San Francisco. Make it right. Yeah, make it right. We're going to try and go on Thursday. Yeah, we're going to try. We're thinking about it. Real sweetly. Define we. All of us as a show. It's a 3.30 game. You'll be fine. Won't you? Finally, some very, very sad news. Do you guys ever, do you remember the story about Nick Aidenhart? He was a pitcher for the Angels. He was killed by a drunk driver. Well, finally, there's some resolution to this case. Andrew Gallo, it was his second DUI conviction. He was convicted yesterday, and they took him off in front of Aidenhart's family. It was heartbreaking. I'd never seen the guy pitch. Didn't know who he was.

43:53Read the story, started weeping when it happened. It was so sad. He had pitched a complete game that day and got the win for the Angels and died in this crash. And the guy that killed him is going away for a very long time. That is Woods on Sports. That is such a sad story. Oh, boy. It's a bump. See, now I'll sit here and I'll tell you to go to the games and everything. I just won't do it. Well, you have a weird schedule. Good one. That's what I'll stick with. Yeah, it's fine. Everybody else? Everybody else get out there. What's your excuse? I've been to six or seven games this year, which is a hell of a lot more than I went to when I lived in Dallas. I went to, you know, for the Rangers. And I heard a guy on ESPN, he was saying, you know, for a team, when the house is packed, it gets them all packed up. No question. And when there's nobody there, it has the opposite effect. Absolutely. They have won nothing last night. Base is loaded in the ninth inning, and there's five people going.

44:53Come on, Tony. Come on, man. Get a base hit. Base knock, man. Get it. Get it. One to nothing. Not great. And it's the perfect example, Mikey. How about the Seahawks fans last weekend? They call themselves the 12th man. They were the 12th man. They're so loud. They're so loud. How does that feel when you're the Seahawks and you come out with a win? Yeah, Phillip Rivers said it's the loudest place he's played. Yep. Really? Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Let's see. Is this breaking news? Yeah, I'm getting a lot of people writing in, and everybody's texting about it. UT police say an active shooting situation is taking place on campus. Officials believe they have the suspect contained. No other details are available. Yeah, University of Texas. You are kidding. University of Texas? Yes. A shooting? Yeah. Oh, boy. I'm not finding it everywhere on the Internet, but I found it a few places, and there's so many text messages coming out of, or tweets coming out of. UT. It's just crazy. Well, we will follow it. If it comes on the TV here, we'll throw it on for you. Boy, they've had their share of that stuff at UT before. The guy in the bell tower. That's right. Wow. Love this song. So does my missus. I played a lot of songs today for my missus. Oh, that's good. Okay, so I got to kill the music just for a second because this is so crazy that you got to hear it like this. Yesterday,

46:27CNN posted a story, front page. It's on our fan page right now, Facebook, where they have audio of the government coming out and saying that they've sighted UFOs by our nuclear power sites. And they have testimony from retired Air Force officials saying, yeah, this is what we saw. Wait till I play this audio for you. It's coming up next. Woods was playing this yesterday and I thought it was a guy. And I was like, this dude sings good. I can't believe you never heard Sade. I know. I have heard Sade. But you didn't know it was a woman. I did know Sade was a woman. But you didn't know this was Sade. I didn't know this song. This was mine and my wife's wedding song. It was. And my sister and her husband. Really? Happy birthday. That's a jam. I wonder if it's a popular wedding song. I think so.

47:46Great lyrics. I used to mix up Sade and George Michael. Oh my gosh. You would think, when she would sing, you would think it was George Michael. Yeah, I was like, oh, is this a George Michael song? That's why I said yesterday, I thought it was a guy singing. But I was like eight. I thought this was Skinnered. I thought this was Toby Keith when I first... I'm being serious, you guys being jokers. Is this new Keith Urban? L.O.B's had it with us. She had. It's 7.04. It's 7.04. She's like, I'm done. Done, I'm out. I'm going to smother you guys while you're awake. While you're awake. You don't even have to fall asleep. I'm going to smother you. Word of the day is dungarees. Woods? Word of the day is dungarees. When you hear it, call her 9-570-1949. Off the air, she goes, I'm going to slit your throat. I didn't even say anything. I did not. I didn't even say anything to the dungaroos. I don't care. You guys are good. I'm an idiot for saying dungaroos. Genius.

48:52You get Padres Cubs tickets for Thursday's game if you hear me cleverly work that word into a sentence and you call. It's going to be really good. Fantastic. Did you hear what I just ordered from Jamba Juice? No. Woods? No, I was working. Sorry. I got a two ounce. Wheatgrass. Wheatgrass shot. I don't know that those are mobile, pal. Yeah. They come in little plastic cups. I think they have a lid. A little cap. They have a cap. Oh, my gosh. Tiniest cup you've ever seen. Gives you a great source of vitamins. True story. I'm in on them. I love them. It's a natural detergent for, you know, help you smell better, help cleanse your organs. Is that the truth? If you did it regularly. Hey, listen, we have my wife's baby doctor. She told my wife, she said, you want to know the greatest thing I ever did? She said, I went to Jimbo's.

49:48And I bought this little wheat grass juicer. She said, every morning I wake up and I do that thing. She goes, I never get sick. She goes, I'm healthy as a, what is something? Horse. Healthy as a horse. Why don't we get one for the studio? It's such a beating to clean. It's such a mess. Mikey can clean it. I'm Mexican. Yeah. It's such, I mean, you got to put the grass in there and grind it and stuff. I've thought about it, but I'm like, man, that sucks. I'd like. Aren't some easier to clean than others? Maybe. Maybe they have one that's real easy. If there's a good one that anyone knows of that's not a lot of mess. Just tell Lauren to clean it. Yeah, right. Go to your gay man's paradise store. It isn't a gay man's paradise store. What's it called? Groominglounge.com. No, not Grooming Lounge. The gay place. Oh, Sir La Table. Sir La Table. See if they have one that's easy. I don't think that they'd have one. It's a chef's paradise, and of course they would. You think so? Of course, it's a food product. It's a gadget. It seems more like a health food product than a gourmet cooking. They got it. Do all that stuff. I would love to have a wheatgrass shot every morning. Oh, me too. You would? Oh, dude, I love them. I used to get them when I lived up here before ballgames. I'd take a big, giant one before a ballgame. I thought you were going to cry yesterday when I offered you a sweet potato fry. That's filthy. I thought you were going to cry. Sweet vegetables are disgusting. But he's like, yeah, I'll drink.

51:06Basically lawn clippings. Dude, you know, because you know why? Why? If you ever watch me, if you ever came to one of my games, you'd see me grab grass and chew it. Always. Always have since I was a little kid. You know, dogs go doodoo. I know, that's the bit, but it's not. But it's not a real bit? No, it's not a real bit. I mean, they really do. There's not dogs running around the baseball field. It's fenced off. There's not dogs running around there. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Dogs run around there. Oh, my God. No, they don't. They do, though. There's probably pigeon poo. So where do they get this grass from? They grow it indoors. So the dogs don't do that. You know what they don't do? They don't go out to the baseball field and take it off of there. Because you know why? Because guys are going like this all the time out on the baseball. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me. I chew grass all the time. I bet that the Kings of Leon would not chew on grass. I bet you they would. Because there could possibly be pigeon poo on there. That's true. And that would just be, forget it. Cancel the show. That's true. She's awesome. Come on. Sometimes. Isn't that a good one? That was weak. How dare you? At best. How dare you? I love the Kings of Leon. I just like to mess with them. I know it.

52:13For some reason, that one. I don't know why I take it personally. I shouldn't care less. Probably because it's like we're grown up kids. And for whatever reason, she teases you about it. It really, it's like going, you know, you're a guju berry. It's like no reason to get mad about it. But if a little kid calls you a guju berry, you're like, don't call me a guju berry. Yeah, I used to call my brother Carl for no reason. We were little kids. And he would weep. I'd be like, easy, Carl. And he would cry, dude. That's crazy. He would get so upset. And my dad was like, hey, look. It doesn't matter. He's like, look, it's pretty funny, but just don't do it. It makes him cry. You're like, there's no reason. Yeah, there's no reason. Carl. He hated it. I'm not Carl. Yeah. If somebody called you guitar head when you were a kid, your head isn't shaped like a guitar. It doesn't matter. Kids will cry. Lose your mind. Lose your mind. Guitar head. L.O.B. picked the Kings of Leon getting pooped on by pigeons, and she gives you guff about it. I don't know why I care. If I walked up to the Kings of Leon and said, how you doing, man? I'm Steve Woods. I'm a great fan. They'd be like, great, dude. Get away from me. You know what I mean?

53:28You guys care less about me. 5701949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Obama went on the Today Show yesterday and talked about everything wrong with us. All kinds of stuff. Let me tell you, his approval ratings right now are at the lowest they've ever been. The toilet. They're in the toilet. They are. And the reason that they're in the toilet is even Democrats are going, what are you doing? The economy is terrible. Unemployment is up. And all of the things that he said that we were going to have hope and change have not occurred. Well, and we're at war. Historically, aren't the approval ratings for a president always really low when we're at a time of war? I may be wrong, L.O.B., but honestly, I thought it was the opposite. I did, too, and I thought that...

54:29Traditionally in American history, listen to me, but in times of war, the economy has always been good. People get behind their country and they spend money. You've got to produce stuff, too. You've got to produce stuff. So the economy traditionally has been a lot better. Our economy isn't the crapper right now. It's awful. Here is Barack on what we've got to do to fix everything. And what we've got to do is combine a very vigorous reform agenda that increases standards. Sounds good, doesn't it? A very vigorous reform agenda. Let me just say this. Even if you don't understand that, which you probably don't, because I don't, it sounds great, doesn't it? It sounds very political. It sounds very grown up. When I hear that, I feel seven. I go, oh yeah, that's stuff adults say. Helps make sure that we've got the best possible teachers inside the classroom. Make sure that we're clearing away some of the bureaucratic. underbrush that is preventing kids from learning. We've got to combine that with deploying resources effective. Barack Obama sounds fantastic when he speaks. He really does. He is unbelievable. I'm just saying, I think we come up to the next election. He's got stuff has to happen in order for him to get reelected.

56:00Woodsy said he thinks he's a one-term dude. I really do. I really think he's a one-term guy. If it continues like this. I mean, I voted for him. I voted for him. Probably not going to vote for him again. It all depends, though. If you, if, I say you, if the Republicans come forward with a candidate like they have in the past, Barack's a better choice, in my mind. I don't need the witchcraft lady running for president. The downturn has meant people are spending less, so there's less demand. And the financial crisis. That's why you gave all that money out to everybody. So they'd spend more. Made it difficult for small businesses to get loans. What about joblessness in America? It's not that this is a jobless recovery. We're actually, we've seen eight months in a row of private sector job growth. Because for part of those eight months, for six of those months, hired about a jillion people to go out and count people. Yeah, census. Census. The problem is we just lost so many jobs. Yeah, because eventually we're done counting. Eventually we finish counting people. Crisis that we've got a much bigger hole to fill. It's too bad George Bush sounded like such a dummy when he talked. No doubt. It's a deal. It sounded dumb. But the other big deal you're going to be hearing is about outsourcing, where we send stuff out of the country to get made. American jobs don't get American jobs. That was a big Clinton thing.

57:33Clinton cleared the way so that we could start getting things cheaper. We could send it out of the country. What am I hearing? I don't know. What am I hearing? There's like a rally in Jay's office, I guess. Is it? Is it? I don't know what I'm hearing. I'm hearing something. It's so loud. We have to put up on the other side of this wall. There's a space of about two inches where sound can travel. Yeah. Oh, they did it. The pad is there. The air conditioner's on out here, but I didn't even have my mic on. Was somebody in there? No. Nobody was in there? I'm all alone. That's weird. Be real quiet. Let's listen. Let's just be real quiet. No, I don't hear anything. I don't hear anything either. Bob. But you did hear something. Oh, absolutely. It was like a TV or something. Weird. What? 5701949, M1 Maiden fan from Carmel Mountain. Good morning. Good morning. I'm tired of the anti-American president once and for all. You know?

58:39I grew up, you're a little bit younger than me, but I can guarantee you when Reagan became president is when I became aware that this is the greatest country on earth because we were in the middle of the Iranian hostage crisis and that man stepped into the office and made us believe in ourselves again. This guy is the opposite. He wants to guilt us into something that we've been the greatest country on earth. We've given so much to many. And this guy makes us all feel that we're evil. How does he make us feel like we're evil? He puts a guilt trip on us. He goes around the world apologizing for America. But we are the last standing hope for people to come and become something. This is just ridiculous. How does he make us, how does he apologize for us? What do you mean by that? We've been going around since day one, all to all, or quote unquote, support staff in the Middle East, our quote-unquote allies who pretend they're our allies, and told them that it is basically our fault, what's going on, and that we need to be the ones who change. The change needs to come from our leadership. The people of America are what makes this place great. It's not the leadership. It is us, the working-class people, that do it every day.

1:00:07Thank you for the call. Well, right at the beginning of Obama's term, in a global poll, we were one of the most hated nations around the world. So I don't really necessarily blame him for trying to make reparations around the world. Make peace. Yeah, I mean, I see what he's saying. I see what Maiden fans are saying. M1, Marcus from San Diego. Yeah, good morning. I go to my comment about the war on the economy, I kind of agree with the guy in the sense that around the world and we let other countries like France, we're going to view the world or Saudi Arabia or China or any of these other countries. I think it's kind of insane and it's hard to put your finger on it, but it just feels like he doesn't like the structure of our country, that he sees our country being something different than it is, more of a European model. and I don't know why we'd want to be a European model, but that's not actually why I called. By the way, I just want to say, I agree with the way that you just articulated that. I think that President Obama feels that we would be better off under a European model, and I disagree with that so vastly. I can't even... You put it perfectly. Go ahead. Okay, and then as far as...

1:01:29as the economy and the war footing i mean since we started these wars and you know i support not support my my opinion is if we're going to start a war let's go in there and let's just bomb these people into submission and we've never gotten the country on a war footing like we did in world war ii where all the people you know you're at war i mean you really know you're at war i mean they had i mean one they had drafts right but everybody was behind the war people were saving metal we turned our factories into war machines, and we never did that. I think if we had done that, one of these wars would have been over a long, long time ago. One last point before we go, I just want to say this about that, Marcus, so that we don't get too caught off on going into all this stuff, but one thing that I want to say about that is that we're fighting a different war now. Yeah, than World War II. It's a different type of war. It's with a faceless enemy now. It isn't where the enemy now is wearing a military uniform. that we can distinguish them from civilians. I agree with you, but if we know that they're hiding in a mosque and they're surrounded by women and children, we know this. You have to bomb them. I'm not saying it's an easy decision. I'm not saying you don't feel guilty. But if we fought World War II and tried to have the least amount of civilian casualties, we'd lose. Because they don't care if civilians die.

1:02:55And if we worry so much, and again, I'm not saying these are easy moral decisions, but if we worry so hard about every single civilian that dies, it was every single time because they don't worry about that. Thank you, Marcus. That's Marcus from San Diego. Thank you, Marcus. M1 Flintstone from the college area. How's it going, guys? Good. I just wanted to comment when you were talking about the private sector jobs going up and the census workers or government jobs. Yeah, I know. So when they said they gained private sector jobs went up every month. Did he say private sector? He said private sector specifically. I'll listen to it again. Listen, where is it? I don't see it. I don't know where it is. And it's minor. And a lot of things, it's like, you know, I'm not saying, and I voted for Obama, but I'm not saying he's done, like, the best job that I ever expected him to do. And, yes, I'm obviously disappointed, too.

1:03:54But there is a lot of other factors in there that, unfortunately, in our society, we're blaming the guy in office, even though, you know, it's not his fault that there are 300 bills waiting for the senators to vote on that they've left. You know what bothers me a little bit about that M1 Flintstone? Mm-hmm. Is that when George Bush was in office, it was his fault. When Obama's in office, it's not necessarily his fault. And that sort of irks me. A little bit. That one gets me. UFOs. If ever there were people that believed in UFOs, and anybody... By the way, I saw a UFO. Oh, boy. I did. The fake one that you put on YouTube or a real UFO? Oh, yeah, you told us. In Arizona, right? In Arizona. I saw one in Salinas. Now, here's what I want to be clear about.

1:04:52You were smoking hashish when you saw it. I was smoking hashish. No. What I want to be clear about is that I don't believe that they were aliens from outer space. Right. I don't believe that. I believe that they were military. Now, yesterday, front of CNN, story comes out about various UFOs being sighted. I mean, as a government official that you're about to hear. Declassified U.S. government documents and witness testimony from former or retired U.S. military personnel confirm beyond any doubt the reality of ongoing UFO incursions at nuclear weapons sites. When I say UFO, the witnesses have described these craft as disc-shaped or cylindrical shape or spherical. Now when he's saying witnesses,

1:05:55He's not talking about hayseeds and overalls. He's also not talking about people with hair like Yahoo Sirius that have dust and smoke all over them. And they're like, he's not talking about those people either. Like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Yes. You're not talking about that. When he says witnesses, he's talking about retired U.S. Air Force personnel. These objects are capable of both hovering and high-velocity flight, usually completely silently. What? What's he? Yeah, I saw Men in Black, too. Oh, gosh. And I saw the second one. It was really interesting. Why would government... employees make that up. You realize that's a government official talk. So he must be telling the truth because the guys in the government would never lie. Hey bro, this is not audio from Comic Con. It doesn't matter. It has to go through a lot of red tape for a government official to come out and say something like that. This is not an X-Files convention. Isn't it? Isn't it one big X-Files convention? Unbelievable. Aren't all these guys...

1:07:07One big X-Files nerd herd? No. You're crazy. You're damn right it would. You're damn right it would. Nope, not real. You're damn right it would. There's no aliens in disc shape. It's not aliens. I'm not saying it's aliens. Right here. Quote. Let's hear it because I think they say it. I've got it. Okay, we'll hear you. I want to hear it. I want to hear it. Over the past 37 years, I have personally located and interviewed more than 120 of these former or retired military personnel. All of whom are crazy, right, Woods? Yes. Okay. All right. All right. Weird. UFO incidents at one or more of the following locations. Nuclear missile sites, nuclear weapons storage areas, and nuclear weapons test sites in Nevada and the Pacific during the era of atomic atmospheric testing. Sometime in the evening hours on March 24th. This is a eyewitness testimony of a retired Air Force.

1:08:08I received a call from one of my topside guards, the flight security controller, stating that they had been observing strange lights in the sky, making odd maneuvers, and wanted to report it. I thought it was kind of a strange report, but I took it seriously. You have to understand, we were protecting nuclear weapons, and the reports we generally got were very professional. At any rate, I kind of dismissed the call. He called back about five minutes later. This time he was screaming into the phone saying they're looking at an object, a red glowing object hovering just above our front gate. Right above us. For sure. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. It was probably aliens. It probably was. So you're saying they put down the crack pipe and made the call. No, I'm saying that if you guys ever played the game, you ever played the game Telephone? What is it? Where I tell L.O.B. something, she tells you something, you tell Jay, Jay tells Will, Will tells Garrett, Garrett tells Rick, Rick tells Tanya. It's completely different than what I said, right? First of all, there's no freaking aliens out there, and they're not looking for our nuclear weapons. Why not? Because there's not. Why is it so hard to believe that there could be?

1:09:28Why is it so hard to believe? Okay, what about this? You guys watch Avatar one too many times? No, it's a very vast universe. What if it's not aliens from outer space? I have a quote that says, I believe... Who's saying this? This is Robert Hastings. He is a UFO researcher and author who... He organized the conference. He organized the conference. I believe that this planet is being visited by beings from another world who, for whatever reason, have taken an interest in the nuclear arms race, which began at the end of World War II. But don't you think that that is just a weird guy? That's somebody from some organization. That's not the government. He organized this whole thing. The guy at the end of this does say it. If you keep going with the audio. May I say something? Oh, boy. Captain Buzzkill what? Captain Buzzkill. Maybe. There's no aliens. All right, nerd? There's no aliens. You don't know that. Yes, I do. Nerd. Yeah, you're right. I like girls. I like girls. Exactly. I haven't studied quantum physics. There's quantum physicists that like girls. Are there?

1:10:56Yeah. Well, they may like them. You're a UFO. I've actually seen a naked woman in my day. Oh, boy. You're a UFOist. Yes, I am. Yeah, that's funny. You're a racist against UFOs. Exactly. I'm a racist against aliens and UFOs. You are right. I wear it with pride. Do you know the struggle of aliens? No, and neither do you. And neither does anybody because they don't exist. Maybe Captain Buzzkill does know. Maybe he's been picked up before. He doesn't know. He would get probed. Yeah. Oh, he's been probed by an alien, I promise you. Oh, that's so funny. The irony of your comment. Uh-oh. I am going to write a letter to your general manager. Again? Another one? Right now. He doesn't read them, you know. Silence. As soon as he sees the return address, Captain Buzzkill. He reads them. He just throws them away. Yeah. You people are... so rude. What do you mean you people? I'm offended by that. You're a Mikey showist. You're a Mikey showist. Yeah, you are. I am racist against Mikey show people. Yes, right. You're racist against M1s. Everything associated with the Mikey show. I hate this show. No, you don't. You love this show. You know you do. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. You love it. I hate it.

1:12:24You love it so much. You love to hate it. I don't like Maggie. I don't like Whit. I don't like L.O.B. I don't like Sienna. I hope Sage is okay. I hope. I like one person. Who? Will. You like Will? That's it? Our phone screener? The only one? Because Will keeps putting you through. Will. I don't like Jay. Anybody. What about Cross? What about Cross? I like Chris. And I like Will. Because they put you through. Because they put you through. Because that's because you're good material. Because they have respect for human beings. No, they just know that you're a bit and we laugh at you. You're a bit and we laugh at you. I know because you love the show. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you like glue. Okay. You're a nut. You love us. You love us. No, you're not. You love us. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. Willie, Willie. Three-year contract. Three-year contract. Three-year contract. Three-year contract. Three-year contract. Wow. We need to break. Oh, boy. Yes. We're late. There's no aliens, by the way. There is. There could be. There's not. I believe in them. We have more of that audio. We'll play the rest of the audio right after this. I think that the Foo Fighters may be one of my favorite bands of all time. Ditto.

1:14:25I played that song. I serenaded my wife at our wedding with this song right here. Really? Yeah. I told you I was being real sweet today. That's nice. That's nice, dude. Me and my boy Wes, we played and I sang. Put her in a chair right in front of us. That's good. And her dumb friend kept talking the whole time. to her like oh my god this wedding is so much fun i'm having such a good time no she did she did and i was up there singing my heart out just a guy with a guitar singing his heart out have you talked to jamie about that yeah i talked to her that night was jamie irritated that she couldn't enjoy your song i'm sure she was this is so fun oh my god he's really good oh my god these guys are good i hate when people used to do that shut up When a moment is happening. It's a moment. It's our wedding. Yeah. There's a moment happening. I was serenading my wife on our wedding night. You should have done the bit where you stop. Stop. Hey, maybe you shut the F up. Excuse me. Excuse me. Like, is she sitting there crying or like listening? Oh my gosh, this is so romantic. It's so good. Are you like so in love right now? Are you so happy?

1:15:36I'm listening. This is the sweetest thing. This is the sweetest thing. When you walk by her with a guitar naked, you just kind of swing around and hit her in the head and knock her out. Oops, sorry about that. Gosh, man. Jamie, never forget this moment. Are you totally taking a mental picture? Are you sucking it in? I'm trying. I'm trying. If you'd shut up, I would. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Stacey, let's talk a little bit. What are the words? I don't know. Tell me the words. I don't know. Wait, what did he just say? I missed it. I don't know, but I want to hear it. Are you listening? I'm listening. I am. I miss what he said, though. I know. Me too. It's a really pretty song. It's pretty. Please stop it. Does he play this at home? Is this the first time you've heard this? It's the first time. But hang on a second. It's like your song. It's totally going to be your song. It is. I love it. Hang on, Kay. There we go. Much better. Much better. There we are. I can hear my husband again. My new husband. Word of the day is dungarees. And when you hear it, be calling 9 at 570-1949 and you'll win Padres Cubs tickets for Thursday. Depending on where you are, there's a lot of clouds out right now. Oh, stop. Looks not. Looks beautiful. Let me see. I'm going to try to go to breaking news.

1:17:03It included questions about the Bible, world relations. They switched it already. They did. They were showing about the UT thing. There was a shooting at UT. What's going on? Shooting at UT that, you know, information is coming in really slowly. And so we don't know yet because the information is coming in so slow. But we will know. That's Mark Malvin's alma mater. That's right. It's a great school. Okay. A couple people calling in about the UFOs. If you didn't hear us play this earlier. We were playing audio from the government yesterday with over 150-some eyewitnesses that have been witness to UFOs and over nuclear power sites. Yeah. Woods thinks it's complete BS. M1 Martha from La Mesa. Martha, are you there? I am. Go ahead. I was at Coachella. And standing there waiting to see a massive attack get started. And they had like these three beams of light to shine up to the sky. Uh-huh. Looking up at how they interacted with each other. And I saw the typical like V shape of light just appear. Uh-huh. And go up and disappear immediately. Were you high on marijuana cigarettes? At that point in the evening, I had consumed absolutely nothing.

1:18:30At that point, I love it. I was at Coachella, too. Very pretty light shows that are able to happen. You can do all kinds of amazing stuff. Blow your mind. Yeah, but that was not, it wasn't a, what I saw was not part of Coachella at all. Were you eating a Denver omelet made with psychedelic mushrooms? No. I'm telling you, I had nothing. Nothing at that point. Yeah, so it's obvious that the aliens are really interested in nuclear power plants, LCD sound system. Jay-Z. Okay. Vampire Weekend. They're huge. Huge vampire. Beyonce was there. Beyonce was there. So that's why. I think you got to be crazy to think that there's no one else in this. I agree with that. Holy crap. Call me crazy then. I don't think it's space aliens. I think it's another country. Yeah. And who flies the thing down here? Oh, you think it's another country? Yeah. Okay. Well, if it is aliens, you don't believe in aliens.

1:19:30No, I don't believe in space aliens. What I do believe in... Illegal aliens? Is I believe in the Soviet Union, maybe, or the Chinese. Sending something over to... Or the Chinese developing... How would we not see it come across radar? For the same reason that it's able to move at very high speeds and stop on a dime. It's got a cloaky device. Because it's good. I think it is a little bit naive to not entertain the idea that there could be. So you're telling me, you guys are telling me that on some other planet, there are resources, technology and resources to allow them to not only build, but operate.

1:20:14A freaking UFO. Why not? A disc-shaped object. If we did it here, why are we so special? They have 100%. I think that's silly. They have metals. They have circuit boards. They have Best Buy. Yeah, they have Best Buy. They can go to Fry's. Even Stephen Hawking, who's supposed to be the smartest man on the planet, believes it. Great. I've never seen him say that he believes in UFOs. I have. I actually watched a piece on him. He was like, they're out there and we do not want to send messages out because they're going to come here and dominate us. The more I hear about Stephen Hawking. Look forward to that. He's a lunatic. The more I hear about Stephen Hawking, the more I think that he's so smart that he's not smart. Right. I think it's possible to get so smart that you're not smart anymore. No, he's so smart that we can't even understand what his mind is capable of. He's run the numbers. Haven't you ever gotten so drunk that you didn't even feel drunk a little bit? Yeah. That's Stephen Hawking. That's Stephen Hawking. I've done it a million times. He's so smart. I drink a bottle of Captain Morgan. I'm like, I feel fine. I drank myself sober. I drank myself sober. Dang it. M1 Maggie from San Diego. Hey, how's it going? Good. I was just about to get out of my car and hang up on you guys to go to work. So I actually saw a UFO with a few friends. And when I say UFO, I say unidentified flying objects. Sure, yeah. I definitely think it was military. But we were at Wind and Sea back in 2004. I was home from college on spring break. And it was like a Wednesday night at, I don't know, between like 12 and 1.

1:21:42These, exactly like that government official described, they were like kind of disc-shaped objects that came in from way over the ocean. They were in a V formation, there were three of them, and they were hovering kind of low, and we're like, what are those, stars? No, they're not stars, you know, they're too low. And before we knew it, they were like right over us, completely silent, low to the ground, like crazy formation, to the point where... We, you know, like, we didn't want to believe they were UFOs because we're all college students and we're not, like, on drugs or anything. And we ended up, like, running to the car and, like, running home. And I snapped a picture on my way out. Do you have the picture? Yeah, but it trips me out to even say, like, I have a picture because it's pretty legit. Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait. Maggie, will you email me the picture? No way. Why? She doesn't want to get abducted and taken to the fries on Mars, dude. Maggie, why will you not email it to me? No way, because that's seriously awesome to have. Yeah, then they'll know. Well, then they'll know, too. Wait, wait, wait. Everybody I've shown it to is like, whoa, that's trippy, because you can zoom on it, and it's pretty trippy. Okay, Maggie, you don't have to email it, but will you come into the studio so that we can see it?

1:23:00Maybe if I have time, maybe next week or something. Okay, but just to be clear, because I just really want to be clear, why will you not email it to me? I don't want to be taken in for questioning or treason or something. Okay, okay, hang on. Hang on. What if I promise you that I won't turn it over to the government? Big Brother is watching, Mike. What about the men in black, Mike? Hang on. What if the men in black come here? On another note, my ex-boyfriend worked for Boeing, and he was in flight tests. And he always had to go to Roswell, New Mexico to do flight tests. And he said that's where they also test all the top-secret military aviation stuff, which is where they say, you know, everybody cites aliens there. Well, that's where they're testing all the brand-new military, you know, airplanes and jets and hovercrafts or whatever they are. So I think it's pretty clear that it's just our military. I do think it's fascinating. I do too. I wish I had, I wish I believed you. But I don't believe you.

1:24:04I don't believe her. That she has a picture? Yeah, I don't believe her. She has a picture. Yeah, I think that if she were just a regular college student home from college with some college friends and she saw something that looked like a UFO, she wouldn't have any problem emailing it and she certainly wouldn't have any problem bringing it in unless, of course, she was worried about some government conspiracy and me working for the government and, in fact, in tandem with the government and that I would take her photograph, I would turn it over to the government, she would be seized. by government officials wearing ATF uniforms and take her to some place in the middle of, I don't know, Quantico, Virginia or something like that. I appreciate your attempt to try to get me to... Dang it. That's very transparent. My special picture. My special picture? Why have you not shown it to the world? It's a special picture. I've shown it to a lot of people and they all believe it now, you know? Oh, I believe you. Maggie, will you come in and show it to us? Possibly, yeah. If I can get in there next week, I will. All right. Let me put you on a hold to talk to our producer. You better call Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. Make sure it's okay. I saw the exact same things in my hot tub. I told you that story where we were sitting in the hot tub and those triangle shapes flew over real low, real slow. It's called planes. Military planes. These were not planes, dude. I know planes. Military planes. Yeah, really? Yeah. You know every military plane that they have under construction? They are super high tech that no one's seeing and they don't fly during the daytime. Exactly. It's exactly right.

1:25:32Exactly. There's no aliens. I didn't say that those were aliens, but I do believe in aliens. Greetings. Greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings. M1AK from Point Loma. Yes. Go ahead. I mean, I know it's a hard one to swallow, but do you not believe in parallel universes or higher intelligence? What was that? They're going to date me now. I believe in parallel universes. I believe that nobody knows anything about anything. That's what I believe. But if there were aliens, if there were real aliens. Now, I believe in UFOs because you know what that is? You know what it could be? It could be a kite. It could be a kite. It's an unidentified flying object. It's a kite with lights. Light kites. Okay, light kites. Light kites. It could be anything. I don't. believe that there are aliens on other planets. It's a kite with light bulbs. We see those everywhere. In other worlds. It could be kids doing a bit, dude. You never know. You never, never know. Kids full of government. It could be Bobby and Peter Brady. No, it could be all the Avatar nerds that are like, hey, let's make, you know, they're just, it's just ridiculous. All the Avatar nerds are smarter, are not smarter than all the people in the government. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. A logo radio DJ named Steven Woods seemed to...

1:26:58Seemed to have a lot to say about aliens. In fact, there was no one more skeptical about aliens than Steve Woods. Upon further inspection, though, some people began to wonder and talk amongst their circles. I'm saying those circles. You know, he's just a little too skeptical, isn't he? And so then, one day, in storm the ATF. the United States government. And they did, in fact, whisk him off to Quantico, Virginia, where they decided they were going to take a routine blood test just to confirm that he was, in fact, human. But upon testing his blood, it turned out this was no normal DNA, a normal sports guy, a normal city at all. And in fact, he wasn't who he appeared to be whatsoever.

1:27:59He'd convince the world that he had a wife named Jamie. Five dogs at home. Could play the guitar, even. Very talented musician. But as it turned out, he was 100% completely alien. Could be. You never know. You guys never know. I believe it. Sometimes you do know. It explains everything. Sometimes you do know. There's a guy in PB right now that's stoned. He just started crying. This is an alien. Somebody just put on my Facebook that the government does this stuff just to throw you off the scent, make you stop worrying about what's really going on in our country and in the world. Wag the dog. Wag the dog. Yeah, maybe. I'm just saying I'm open to the idea. I'm not. I'm not. Open to the idea. I'm open to the idea of other governments creating military aircraft, but not space units. I'm open to that, and I'm also open to life on other...

1:29:04Wouldn't we have found one? Other galaxies. Didn't you guys see? Listen, I saw the movie Signs. It scared the crap out of me. It scared the crap out of me. I was scared to death. But it wasn't a documentary, it was. Exactly. It was a movie. I think we're ants in the big picture of things. Yeah, we are. That's why they come check on us, because we're stupid enough to kill ourselves with missiles. We don't have the technology to figure out where they are, but they've had technology for years to figure out where we are. Yeah, they have for years. Best Buy's been there forever. Oh, they laugh at Best Buy. You can get anything you want. Best Buy on Pluto. Pluto. Woods, let Hoyland. All right. Pluto's not a planet anymore. Is it not? You don't have to let me in. I can walk in if I want to. You don't have to let in. Then how come you don't have a code to get in? My code's not working for whatever reason. It's never worked. Studio M. Is this your first time in here? Yes, it is. I helped design it, but it's the first time I've actually seen it. Did you? I sat down with the engineers and I told them what I thought would work best. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Fire away. Why am I here?

1:30:14Jay told me he wanted me to come in here. I have no idea why I'm here. I think you know why you're here. I have no idea why I'm here. What were you... Found a little audio, Hoyle. We want to play back for you. Does it have to do with Mama? No. Is that more audio? You mentioned Mama in it, but no. Why were you messing around with the system? Why was I messing around with the system? Yeah. I wasn't messing around with no system. You changed all the settings, and then Jay stumbled on some audio of yours. Yeah, you're recording stuff into my library. A little audition? It ain't my audition team, is it? It's what? It is. You can't play that. You cannot play that. It's for the air. You cannot play that. Station property. Station property. You are not allowed. You're not allowed. What is it? Station property. You are not allowed. You are not allowed. You cannot play that. If it's in the dad, we can play it. And you put it in our library, the Mikey Show library. You put it on our array. Everything was all messed up this morning. Thanks for nothing. Play it. It's impressive. I don't care. Yeah, it is. Is it? What is it, Hoyle? Tell the fans. What is it?

1:31:15It's loud. I'm going to be on American Idol. Are you? As a singer? I'm going to be the new host. They already have the hosts. Yeah, Ryan Seacrest. He's maybe leaving? I don't know. I mean, everybody's leaving that show. That's true. I'm going to be the new host. Hoyle Hanratty. It's so funny, ain't it, Woods? You ain't heard the tape. I don't need to hear the tape. Well, it isn't complete. So you don't care if we put it on the air? I do. And I don't. I ain't embarrassed of my work. What I'm embarrassed of is it ain't a finished product. I'd like it to be edited, if you don't mind. Well, we don't have time for that. I'd like it to be all put together nicely. Sweetly. And I'd like a million dollars, but, you know. I think it's perfect the way it is. Tell you what, Hoyle, why don't we take a quick timeout, we come back, and we play it. Yeah, you can do that as long as Jay or somebody edits it to make it. It isn't broadcast quality yet. Well, we're going to work with what we have. Exactly. We'll do that next. There's one gunman dead and a second suspect being sought at UT, University of Texas. Guy opened fire inside the library at the University of Texas campus in Austin at about 6.15 our time.

1:32:55And that's the latest. We'll get you whatever's going on there. But that's what they know right now. Nobody was killed except for the gunman. So far, that's what we know. Which is good news. Did you edit it, Jay? Yes. You did? No. You didn't. It's raw. Well, I don't want you to play it raw. It doesn't... I'm not sure where I would start and where I would finish editing on your audio oil. I worked with my own engineer. Clearly. Yourself. Yourself, yeah. No, I hired someone. Who? Yourself. Eskimo Blue Waters. If you must know, it's somebody that moonlights here at the radio station. Hmm. They're a sanitation engineer. It's Eskimo's boyfriend. Yeah. Go ahead, play it. What is this again? This is you auditioning for?

1:34:00To be the host, the new host of American Idol. They're not looking for a host. Hey, I wish they're not holding auditions for. They will be when you hear this. Welcome back. Wait, let me try again. Let's try again. And welcome back. That's too much. That's too much. Let me try again. He's talking to himself. Why are you screaming, Doyle? Yeah. Everybody has to have a style. My style is that I'm into it. It's your signature. It's my signature. Oh, boy. And when we come back, y'all are going to hear some more singing from a boy from Tucson, Arizona on America. Oh, boy. That's over the top. I am screeching. Isn't that too much? It's too much. Seems like too much. Because y'all are experts, right? Y'all ever host a show on American Idol? Mikey has. Yeah, it's too much, Hoyle. Oh, really? You know everything, don't you? What are you? Are you the Mexican American Idol judge? Are you critiquing me, Simon Fernandez? Is that too much?

1:35:21In the beginning. I like how I go, how I say American Idol. Oh my gosh. Talking to yourself. With the Tucson stuff. I'm going to try again. Let's do it again. I'm going to give it more in the beginning this time. Boy. Wait, wait. Don't go here. Wow. That's too much. Terrible, dude. It's intense. Hoyle, maybe you try the WWF. Yeah. Or the WWE. You know what? If... They had said that to Ponce de Leon. He'd have never gotten on the boat. Fair enough, but I think you're spinning your wheels here, pal. If anybody had ever said that to Tiger Woods when he was a youngster, you'd think he would have gone on to become the Tiger Woods. I don't think Tiger Woods is screaming like that. But you're not a youngster anymore. You have a job. You're not going to be the American Idol host. I hate to break it to you because I'm all for following your dreams, pal. Listen to the rest of it before you cut it. Okay, before I judge.

1:36:19on American Idol. That's better. That was perfect. That was better, yeah. Spot on. It was better. You got that hillbilly accent, though. There is not a hint of accent. I made sure I got rid of it for the audition tape. No, it's bad. Yeah, it's pretty thick. You sound like hayseed. If anybody heard that, I could be from... Anchorage. I could be from Chicago. Only if those are names of towns in Alabama. Anchorage, Alabama. I could be from Los Angeles. I could be from Tucson. I could be from Flagstaff, Arizona. Flagstaff, Alabama. And then you can try it both ways when we send the tape in. Try it both. That way we switch them up. Hang on, Mama. I know dinner's ready. Wait. Was she calling you on your cell phone? I said this wasn't ready to be aired. Yeah, that should have probably been edited out. I asked Jay to edit it during commercial. He didn't. He doesn't work for you, dude. Maybe he thought that was part of your shtick. He does work for me. I'm the station manager. Are you? I am. What do you think I do here? I don't know. You just float around. I designed your studio. You're welcome. Did you? You did not. I don't believe that. I did. We have engineers that do that.

1:37:37Right, where do you think the engineers got the idea? I put it on a napkin. Okay. All right, let's take it from the top. And now, welcome back to American Idol. No. Right now, we're going to talk to one of our judges. He's that black dude over there with the glasses on, and his name is Randy something. Randy, take it away. Oh, wow. It ain't edited yet. Oh, my gosh. He wouldn't appreciate that. Why not? Because you don't just. Because I didn't give his last name. You just call somebody out by their physical description. Yeah, their race. Yeah. It's a black guy with glasses on. I can't remember his name. Randy Jackson. How would you like it if we said that every time you came in? Hey, look at that weird guy with the suspenders on. That hillbilly. Look at that hillbilly coming in here. You do. We do not. Fair enough. I like it. I say we just keep it as is. Send it in.

1:38:35Why'd you have to play that part? I don't know, Hoyle. I don't think he's got much of a prayer. That is not going to get you hired. I hope he gets it. Oh, I do too. That would be so good. It'd be great. Hoyle Hanratty, the new host. Unknown kid from Mobile makes good. Unknown almost 60-year-old from Mobile. Catch his big break. You guys want to play Name That Tune? Yes! Let's do it. It's been forever. 570-1949. Call us right now and pick your horse. Me, Woods, or L-O-B. And the way that it works is, what's the theme, Jay? Today it's songs played on the kazoo. Songs played on the kazoo? Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. All right, so. You call 570-1949 and you're going to pick me, Woods, or L.O.B. to represent you. Represent. And we are going to use our name as a buzzer. Jay's going to play music on the kazoo. We say our name if we recognize the song and we can say it. Now, if we get it wrong, we lose a point.

1:39:45And what do we have as a prize, Jay? We have tickets to the Raceway. Hold on, I've got to grab the sheet. Nice. It's a four-pack of tickets to the Camping World 300 October 9th at the Auto Club Speedway. There you go. It's kind of a big deal. There you go. M1 Messenger from La Mesa. Who do you want? I'm taking Mikey. All right, hang on. M1 Brandon from Oceanside. Brandon, who do you want? I'll take Woods. Hang on the line. And M1, Rebecca. Rebecca, where are you from? I'm from Kearney Mesa. From Kearney Mesa. You get LLB. Say that. You say you want L.O.B. You have chosen. You have selected. By a manner of default. By a manner of default. L.O.B. She called it in first. I love that. That's right. L.O.B. is the new Sienna. That's right. I love Sienna and I love Rebecca. I do too. Hang on a line. I love myself. Hang on a line. Sienna right now is screaming at her radio. Shut up, Woods. Shut up, Woods. All right, are you ready? I'm ready. All right, let's do this. Here we go. Okay. Woods.

1:40:59Oh, I know, too. Wow. You know what I thought it was? I thought it was Walking on the Sun by Smash Mouth. That's not bad, guys. Dude, dude, dude, dude. That's Inner Sandman. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. I better know that song, dude. That's Rivera's entrance song. All right. Here we go. I have no idea. Okay, one, two, three. Yeah! What was it? It was awesome. Ram-a-jam. Ram-a-jam. Oh, yeah, that's right. Black Betty. You guys are weird. You don't know that one? No. Black Betty had a child. Bam-a-lam. All I know is I was shaking my head. I was losing my mind. You were jumping up and down. I recognize it, too. I'm like, I know this. There's no way it's coming to me. Never heard it in my life. All right, here we go. Three, four. Ah, Mikey. Kiss.

1:42:27Kiss, I was made for loving you. I was made for loving you, baby. Dang it. Give me a song that's not Woods and Mikey's favorite. Really? Yeah, it's our favorite. You love Kiss. Yeah, I do love Kiss. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. Nirvana. Nevermind. What song? Nevermind. Teen Spirit. Nevermind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It smells like Teen Spirit. She's like, it's Nevermind. It smells like Teen Spirit. Darn it. That was right, right? That was right. What score? Woods 2, Mikey 1, LLB 0. Get on the board here, LLB. Here we go. Woods, damn it! Radiohead. Creep. You are a creep. So very special. So very special. Okay, here we go. Lauren. Sorry, Michael Jackson. Nice.

1:43:36Billie Jean, right? Yep. So it's two to two to one. Yep. All right, here we go. I've got four more remaining. Woods. Somewhere over the rainbow. Dang it. I'm like a half a second stupider. Man. Write that down. Okay, here we go. Woods. Black Sabbath, Iron Man. Dang it. Oh my gosh, you're good. Okay, so now we're down two. We've got two remaining. What's the score? Four to two to one. So we'll make both of these questions worth two. Maggie. Nothing else matters. Metallica. We're tied. This is it. Comes down to this. I could play the kazoo better than these jokers.

1:44:34Actually, before we played last one, I got us all kazoos yesterday. I went and bought us all kazoos. No, you did? I figured we could play a game with the listeners at some point where we all take a turn playing a song. So I went and bought four kazoos. All the way in. You just have to hum with something attached to your lips. I have a real kazoo. Oh, God. Sorry, here we go. Final song. Mikey. Mikey. You're a final countdown. Oh, my God. You saw it. You saw it. There's no way. That's such BS. It's not even in key. That's probably easier to do when you look at the array in the morning. Did he win? He still didn't win, did he? Yeah, he won. Oh, I did? Yeah, we did the bit with the fake point. Woodsy thinks I cheated. You didn't cheat. I didn't cheat. I recognize that. Man, that was good, dude. M1 Messenger from La Mesa. You won. All right. Hang on the line, will you? I think. Fake winner. Nice. Kazoo. Kazoos. Wow. They're metal. They're metal. I need you to pick me up a J-Harp, too. The box says you are a star. When I was in sixth grade, our sixth grade class got up in a talent competition with...

1:46:01these stupid hats on and we did Land Down Ender. I wrote a blog about that. Should we do Barbershop Quartet with Kazoos? Are you on the wrong end or are you, Mike? You're on the wrong end. The L.O.B. She was playing it from the small part of the Kazoos. Did you hear that snort? Put the fat end in your mouth, L.O.B. Oh, please. My mind sounded stupid. That's way better. You're right. You just have to put it up against your lips and hum. That's right. All right. You tell me what this is. Okay. Poker face. Wow. You ready? All right. Let's do another one. Hot and cold. Tom Sawyer. Yeah. It's great. Wow. I know what it is. I can't think of it. It's Billie Jean. Billie Jean, yeah. We said that, didn't we? Yeah, we did do one of those. They said it a lot better, though. Can I try one? Yeah.

1:47:57Don't need to blow up the microphone. Oh, I know what it is. That's Def Leppard. Pour some sugar on me. What about this one? Yep. Stairway. Stairway, Zeppelin. Your face is so serious. We just did that one. I'm going to just keep doing ones we did. The ones we did? Okay. Yeah. How about Black Betty? Yeah, we just did it. Black Betty. Two can play that game. Sanford and Sanford. There you go. J-Man is calling. Here's another TV theme. If you get this, I'll give you a dollar. But you don't know this show. It's like pennies. Some stupid food network show. No, it was going to be an old 70s show, but you won't know it. I'll do one that you know. Golden Girls. Oh, Great American Hero. That's right. Gillian's Island. Yay!

1:49:32I may have found my calling. Different strokes. Yeah. Wow. Rock. Happy days. Yes. I love this. Why can't I do it? If we weren't on the air, because we have to stop, because we know people are tuning out. But. If I wasn't responsible, I could do this all day. Yeah, it's so fun. If I wasn't responsible. I can't believe I was on the wrong end before. That's why LLB and Jay and I do not and never will have our own show. Because we would do that for hours. I'm having to force myself to stop. People in their cars are like, thank God! I need you to find me a J-Harp. Oh, I know where to get that. Those are the greatest. We'll start our own kazoo and... M1 Lizzie from Carlsbad. Hey, guys. What up? Hi. How are you guys doing? Good. Just wondering if I can put in a kazoo request of happy birthday to Mama Yami. Oh, Mama Yami. Ready? Let's do it together. One, two, three. Good call. We are a wacky morning show. I think mine broke. Oh, that felt so weird and weird. It felt good. Thank you. Welcome to kazoo radio. That's really strange.

1:51:14What's that? I've never done that on the radio. What? Played Happy Birthday in the zoo. That's good. I guess, but there was a part when we were doing it where I was like, man, this is pretty morning zoo-ish, isn't it? Feels real good. I mean, I felt like 1982. I was like, WKRP. In Houston? Yeah. Stevens and Pruitt. Yeah. For a second. That's true. That would be played by two naked women in Stevens and Pruitt. Let's see. I got so many things. We have so many cool ways that we can go right now. We got derailed. Yeah, big time. It says if you can hum, you can play. See? That's my rule. It's always been my rule, LLB. Oh, boy. Woods. What happens when you put on a tee? Kids get hit on a little park. That's right. Padres are half game behind, right? Yeah. Full game? They are half game behind in the wild card. In the wild card, full game in the West. In the West. If we don't make that wild card, I'd flip. We need to win the West is what we need to do. If we can keep it right around where we are now, we have a good shot going into San Francisco. Mm-mm-mm. Vanilla Ice had a kangaroo and apparently lost it. True story, and we'll play his explanation.

1:52:51Yo, dawg, I lost my kangaroo, man. I don't know what to do, man. Yo, what's the deal, baby boy? Yo, what's up? Yo, anybody see my kangaroo? Hey, you see my rue, bro? What's up? What's up? Hello? Baby boy. Yeah, what's up? You see my rue? No, what you mean rue? My rue, Joey. Man, we live in Texas, man. Ain't no rues down here. No, dude, I own one, man. Of course you do. You pulling in your yard? Maybe you should have bought some bonds with your money, man. Real good. I have two brothers that don't. That's awesome. It's such a cool instrument to play. It is. One of my best buddies is a drummer, and it's just amazing to watch him work. It's so hard. It is, dude. Gosh. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and it is their debut album. Oh, it's great. Tonight at 8 right here at FM 94.9. Have not said dungarees yet. I will work that into a sentence between now and 10 a.m., the end of the show. When I do, caller number 9 at 570-1949 will win tickets to the Padres Cubs on Thursday, which is a big ticket.

1:54:16right now. Is it? It is. Is it? Well, dude, I mean, we're in a race. Should be. Should be. Should be. In a moment, we're going to do band versus band for the first time. Band versus band. Oh, wow. It's Woods and I. It will always be Woods and I. Okay? We will do band versus band. As you know, Woods and I have very, very, we have a lot of things in common musically. We like a lot of the same things, but we also dislike a lot of the same things. Yeah, we dislike some of our music. Well, each other's music. Each other's music. Correct. And so what we're going to do is we're going to do this thing called... Band versus band. Band versus band. Now, the way that it will work is we will have the opportunity to defend our band and go after the other persons. Okay? Today, it will be the Red Hot Chili Peppers versus Miley Cyrus. Guess which one I took. Miley. Yeah, right. So Woods has the Chili Peppers and I got Miley. And we will, you know, state our case. We've written a paragraph for and a paragraph against. Right. And... It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. When I was doing it. For your band or for... One for our band and then one against his band and vice versa. Yep. Vice versa. We'll do that in just a minute.

1:55:43It's vice. I know. Isn't it? It's vice versa. It's one of the things I used to correct Rebecca on. She would say vice versa. Vice versa. I would probably get a divorce. No. She's humiliated by the fact. Right now at this very moment, I don't know if it's stole or stole. Stole. There's no D on the end of it. Help me, Lauren. You help me with odd and even. Watch this. 64. Is even. Yep. Yeah. She gets it every time. 37. Oddball. He has to say oddball. He has to say oddball. That's the way I learned it. I taught Mikey how to distinguish between odd and even. How did you do it again? I did it with a visual of having like a baseball team and kids on a field. If you had to split them up, if there was one left over, it meant he was the oddball. If you can't split them evenly. Can't split them into two. 40 years. 40 years. We were driving in the car one time.

1:56:40And I was like, come on, dude. If it's divisible by two, it's even. And he's like, divisible, what? People would give me those numbers and I'd say it and they'd go, yes! And it was just, I was guessing. 50-50. I just guessed. They'd go, you got it! And I'd be like, oh, cool. I'm trying to think. No idea. Had no idea. With the stole and the stalled. The thing is, you know that the present tense is to steal, right? So you're changing the word all together by saying stole. Oh, gosh. Normally you don't just change a word like that. You just add ED to it. So if you're going to change it all together and call it stole instead of steal, you don't need the ED as well. It's extra. What's the actual word? He's lost. Stole. Stole. Stole is the present tense. Stole. And there's no D on steal. Right. There's never a steal. So don't put a D on it in the other time. If you liked it, then you should have put a D on it. Stole. Stole. Made sense to me, Woods. Stole. I think I might be good. I think I might remember it. If you hate it, then you would have put a D on it. That's right. It's like the Beyonce song. There you go. Just like the Beyonce song. If you like it, then you would have put a D on it. That could be creepy. It's kind of dirty. It's what I sing in the shower. You're a creep. I'm the uncle creep. All right. You want to hear Vanilla Eyes?

1:58:06Please. Yo, man, I have bought this kangaroo. I don't know what happened, man. He must have got out of my yard. All right, stop. He must have got out of my yard. He was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. That's shocking. Is Leno... Desperate for, maybe I get a gig on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you have for exotic pets? Well, I had a monkey. I had a lynx tiger. Now I have a kangaroo. A kangaroo? No, really. Now, you're a married guy. Yeah, yeah. How do you introduce a kangaroo into the marriage? How does this come out? Actually, my kids love it. They sleep with him when he was a little baby. We put a diaper on him. Where do you even get it? Australia. There's millions of them. What if you go online and buy a kangaroo and get it? I would love to have one jumping around the studio. No, you would not. It would be amazing. We could put Mikey in his pouch and he could just hop around and be so warm in there for you. That would be warm, yeah. That would be the opposite of great. It would be so fun. Get a monkey and a kangaroo in here. Stink like a menagerie in here. It would be a poo fight.

1:59:11Just repeat what he says Leno, it makes it really funny. yeah well he grew up with this goat and everywhere the goat would go he would follow the the goat grew horns and we had bad weather it was just after hurricane hit right he ran the gate they ran out they were gone wait the goat runs the gate meanwhile the kangaroos like this and then they make it and they stay together for two weeks For two weeks, they never parted each other. And they ran around in the wild. People had video of them. And I'm sitting on the couch when I'm home. I went looking for them and everything. And my buddy calls me up. He goes, did you lose your kangaroo? I said, how did you know? He goes, turn it on CNN. I flip it on. If anybody knows the owner of this kangaroo. It's Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice's kangaroo. So I found him. He's in good shape. Yo, is this a police? This is Vanilla Ice, man. Yeah. I lost it in my kangaroo. You lost it.

2:00:19Did somebody stole it? Somebody stole it in my kangaroo, man. We'll try to get that back to you as soon as possible, Mr. Van Winkle. Do you have it? I have it. We have it here. It's here in the station. I'm going to come fix it up. Okay, come fix it up. Ask my moms. You don't need to ask your moms. Just come down and get this thing. It's throwing poop everywhere. You taking cares of it? Yeah, I'm taking cares of it. Your feeds in it nowadays? Yeah, got him a Wendy's Double Double. Gizzin' at Waters? Waters, yes. Cheating to Real Sweetlies? Yes, Cheating to Real Sweetlies. Bye. Bye. I watched, where was I, where was I? I think it was over break. I couldn't sleep when Mikey was getting his surgery. I watched Vanilla Ice, Cool as Ice. Oh, boy. It's a movie that he did. I'd love to see it. You have never seen.

2:01:16A worst movie. Documentary or, like, fictional? No, a movie. Was it hysterical, though? It's hysterical. He was the star. He was the star of the movie. And he's in a biker gang, and they break down in a small town, and he falls in love with this regular girl. And, Mike, there's a line in it, and it'll make you fall out of your chair. What is it? She's walking up to the door with her boyfriend, who's this, you know, khaki, polo shirt, little sharp dude, and he is... Gangstered out. And I mean, like, bright pants, bright jacket, hair, old vanilla ice stuff. And he walks back and goes, hey, yo, girl, you need to drop the zero and get with the hero. Oh, wow. I've seen that clip before. Dude. Oh, wow. Dude. That is terrible. I will give somebody $100 if they go to a bar in PB, film it, and use that pickup line on a girl. And it works. You get a fresh $100 from me. Yeah, if it works. Yeah. And she's got to be sitting there with her boyfriend. Oh, wow. You're going to get somebody killed. Yeah, I will. It's fine. It's worth $100. Oh, boy. I want to do band versus band. Okay. Are you ready? We flipped a coin earlier. Yeah, you go first. So I have to go first. And then Woodsy will give his argument. Now, again.

2:02:35The two bands that are going up against each other are? One band. There's a band and an artist. Yes. It's a band and an artist. Did you guys get to choose the bands? Yeah. Yeah, because he hates the Chili Peppers and I hate Miley Cyrus. Okay, so the way that it works is I will make my argument for and against my band and then you make yours. Okay. And then we will let listeners decide. Okay. Seems kind of... I don't know how I'm going to win this thing, but I'm going to do my best. You're a pretty good writer. Yeah, I know, but I've got to convince people here. Okay, let's hear it. This is my best expository speech for you. All right. Miley Cyrus is a one-kid wrecking ball in the entertainment industry. TVs, movies, designer clothing line, music. Love it or hate it, you can't argue with the numbers. Kids' net worth is over $50 million.

2:03:34But don't just take my word for it. Why don't you ask the over three million kids that bought her first album, which, by the way, was certified triple platinum, meaning three million records sold. You know who sells three million albums? People that don't suck. Now, in contrast, the Red Hot Chili Peppers first album, Freaky Styly, featuring the smash hit Yertle the Turtle. failed to appear on any musical chart whatsoever, and the subsequent tour to jam Yertle the Turtle live just failed to haul in an audience. So they stopped touring. Maybe it was because they were great. Or maybe it was because they were jamming Yertle the freaking Turtle that nobody showed up to the tour. Now, Miley may act like a dopey teen.

2:04:37which even I agree is nails down a chalkboard, but her songs are fun to listen to, and I like the lyrics and the ballads. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, on the other hand, do not exactly strike me as lyrical poets, but let's compare. In Miley's song, When I Look at You, she sings, When I Look at You, I see forgiveness. I see the truth. You love me for who I am, like the stars hold the moon. Right there where they belong. And I know I'm not alone. Yeah, when my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark, that's when I look at you. Now, in one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, most popular songs, Give It Away Now, Anthony Kiedis soberly tells us, What I got, I gotta give it to your mama.

2:05:39What I've got, I've got to give it to your papa. What I've got, I've got to give it to your daughter. You do a little dance and then you drink a little water. What I've got, you've got to get it, put it in you. What I've got, you've got to get it, put it in you. And just in case we weren't clear on the first two times, he... Ads for a third time. What I've got, you got to get it, put it in you. Who wrote that? Freaking Dr. Seuss? Dude, the Wiggles just called and said that's stupid. There are five-year-olds with more of a valid message. Consider my case. The mark of a truly great band is evolution. Being able to evolve throughout their careers and remain relevant.

2:06:45In very few instances is this more evident than in the case of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They started as a funk band in L.A., and they've evolved into an international powerhouse. Their early work channeled Jimi Hendrix and George Clinton, which had never been done. Later, as they grew as a band, lead singer and resident poet Anthony Kiedis learned how to sing. It was around this time of blood sugar sex magic that they really hit their stride. Kiedis' lyrics became much more introspective and deep, none more obvious than in his ode to Los Angeles, Under the Bridge. Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante, and Chad Smith have locked in and made some of the most melodically beautiful music ever. And most importantly, they did it the right way. I've never been a fan of performers. I like artists and musicians, people that write their own music. Music in its purest sense is a guy with a guitar who wrote a song that will break your heart, or a band of friends that have bled and sweat in their garage and lived in vans and on couches to make it. Miley Cyrus, as far as I'm concerned, is everything wrong with the music industry. Her soulless bubblegum pop, written by middle-aged men for her to perform, is the antithesis of everything that music is about. There's a quote from a favorite performer of mine that says, You've got to bleed a little while you sing, unless the words don't mean no thing. That sums it up for me. Miley does not bleed for her music. That is why she sucks. Well done, my friend. Thank you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you do, Darth? I don't know. What happened? Are you in a tin can?

2:08:18Why does my microphone sound like this? I don't know, but it's rad. It's creepy. Testing. Oh, that's better. Is that better? Holy cow. Well done, my friend. Well done, my friend. All right, 570-1949. We will take how many calls? Seven? Best of seven? Seven's odd, right? Yeah, seven is odd. Good job. Seven is odd, and we need an odd number, right? Right. 570-1949. Let me just say this. Anytime you hear us do band versus band, you have to understand there is no right answer. Right. Because it's all subjective. Personal preference. Personal preference. And I only say that because I don't want to be inundated by the Chili Pepper fans that go, you know, dude, you just haven't heard their lyrical album where they blah, blah, blah. And Woods doesn't need to hear.

2:09:12somebody write him and go, Miley Cyrus doesn't write her own things, plebe and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's simply an exercise in personal taste. Absolutely. And I already love it. That was fun. That's fun. 570-194-9. So you're just going to vote for either one of them. You got me when you started going into the... Blood, sweat, and tears. I know. That got me, too. I'm like, oh, man, it's below the belt almost. Is it really? I can picture them. Oh, I know it. Bleeding knuckles. Just bleeding it. Bloody knuckles. Just writing lyrics. Writing the nards. 570-1949. Phone lines are blowing up. Do they just say one over the other? Yeah, you just say Woods or Mikey? Yeah, Woods or Mikey, or you could say Miley or Peppers. I'll keep track. Might be difficult for somebody to actually say they vote for Miley Cyrus. We'll go with the arguer. The case. Let's see. M1 Kyle?

2:10:30skewed that, Mike, you presented because I think Freaky Stiley was the first album for the Chili Peppers, and their self-titled album was the first. And George Clinton from the P-Funk All-Stars helped produce Freaky Stiley. So the Red Hot Chili Peppers win. Attaboy. Well, wait a second. Bad Facts. You presented Bad Facts. Bad Facts, you lose. Bad Facts, I lose. Okay, that's one vote for Chili Peppers. That was a sophomore effort. That's right. M1 Colin from San Diego. show what's going on um woods i love the argument man and i'm right there with you you know um so i gotta go with the chili peppers i've been a fan of the chili peppers ever since i was a kid and mike i mean hello hello one of the one of the real uh one of the real uh pieces of evidence as to admit of an artist um i guess musical longevity necessarily how many

2:11:35People like a poppy, clicky little song. But, like, look at the Chili Peppers. They've been around. We're talking about them 25 years after they started. Bro. Guarantee you. Bro, we're talking about the who 25, 50 years after the Rolling Stones. That's just not my style. It doesn't do much for me. It doesn't do much for him. What? M1 Michelle. I'll see you while you talk. What? I'm sorry. Michelle. What? Michelle? Michelle, do you want to vote? Is this me? Yes. I'm M1 Michelle. Who do you want to vote for? Well, I'm going to vote for the Chili Peppers only because of the performance factor of when I saw them in Detroit when they were absolutely nothing, and I agree with that sleeping on the couch deal because I'm really into that. They wore socks on their pieces.

2:12:36Yeah, they did. True men don't kill coyotes. That's right. Thank you. So you're voting for the chili peppers. Yep, I'll vote for them. What do we got? We're at three for the Woods argument. Three for the Woods. He only needs one more. M1 Chase from Ramona. Mikey. Get it. You vote for Miley. Chase, do you like girls? I'm taking Mikey only because Woods was a copy and paste plagiarist. What? Yeah, his whole argument, you could just search Google and I could pull out exactly where that's been written before. I'll give you $500,000 if you can find what just, I wrote that last night on my couch. I'll give you 500 grand. Wow. If you bring that plagiarized, if I plagiarized that. If he had plagiarized it, I would have given you an A plus because I would have. Dude, I was an English major. I wrote 15 papers a week. I can write my ass off. Yeah, Woodsy's real good at it. M1 Scott from Temecula. Mikey. Weak. Voting for you. His argument was better. I mean, come on. He didn't write it last night on his couch. He put some thought into it. I wrote it on my bed last night. He wrote it on his bed. Sorry I was doing five jobs. What, do you only need two more? You need two more. I need two more. M1 Curly from Carlsbad. And it's hard for me to say that. I hate the chili peppers. Yep. I hate them.

2:14:08Listen, I will admit that Miley Cyrus is what he said, quote, the antithesis of everything. It's the truth. Oh, my God. She's poison music. That's right. Listen, all I can tell you. What the heck? That was the vanilla. That was the vanilla. The vanilla ice. All I can tell you, sir, is that I find the music very catchy. So is herpes. So is gonorrhea. So is herpes. You should play the Winners song. Yeah, I should. Yeah, you should. A little scar tissue. I should be playing you the Winners song. I don't have any on my laptop. I do. I do. I just downloaded one. Did you? Yeah. Which one? Reminds me of senior year in high school. I was just getting them. Reminds me of Unison. You want to do some old-time radio? Absolutely. Let's do it. And when I tell you what debt collectors said to this black guy on his answering machine, you are going to think that this debt collector was legally insane. And you will not believe your ears. You will not believe this is a real story, but it is. You may crash your car. Yeah, it's next. They didn't want her on Sesame Street. They said they didn't want her on Sesame Street because she was wearing a low-cut top and dungarees.

2:16:17Is that why? Is that why? I don't know. She was a little juggy. Very juggy. Yeah, minus the very and a little. Extremely. It's catchy, though. Over under on hers and Russell Brand's marriage. Oh, boy. If it'll actually happen? Did it happen? I don't think it's happened yet. Six months. I will not speculate on such things. I know. I will. Yeah. I definitely will. I don't know who Russell Brand is. I know he was in a movie called Don't Say It. I wanted to. Wow, you haven't seen it. I know. Which one were you going to guess? I was going to guess the one about trying to get over Sarah Marshall. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah. But he had his own. He's genius. Get him to the Greek. Get him to the Greek. That comes out tonight. I'll be printing that. DVD tomorrow. There you go. We have new releases, too, so we'll do those in a minute. Let's see. Do I need DVD new releases, too? No, that's Friday. No, it's today.

2:17:20Do I need those today? Theater releases are Friday. Yes. A new release to the theater on Friday. Today we do music and DVDs. Okay. When is Sienna coming back? Oops. M1 Bisquick from Santee. What was the word of the day? Yeah. Well done, my friend. Not to be confused with Dungaroos. That's correct. You want tickets to see the Padres and the Cubs Thursday? Right on, dude. Right on. Hang on the line. You'll be able to stretch out, put your feet on the seat in front of you, take up a couple seats if you like. Probably. You know, here's a moral question. For you, Woods, it will not be any moral dilemma at all. You will instantly say, of course. If you're in a stadium and it's not a full house, is it okay to move up closer to the more expensive seats? Yes. I say no.

2:18:25Oh, you're crazy. I say no. I say no. And I'll tell you, dude, for some reason, and I'll tell you why. The shame of the walk back is what sells me out of it every time. The shame of the, hey, D-head, you're in my seat. It shames me. If I'm in the top row, I'll sit there and be like, should I move? Should I move? Should I move? I don't do it. I don't move. I stay. We always move. Always. Because if they come down, they go, hey, I think those are my seats. I'm like, oh, you know. And then you do the fake look at my ticket bit. No, I don't. I go, you totally got it. You're right. If it's a packed house and there's just four that are in the front that are open, heck no, I'm not going down there. But if there's like row upon row upon row, I'm going to get up there. Yeah, that's a caveat. Because when I went to the Padre game with Fenwick, there was the customary seven people at the stadium. And we had really good seats. But we were sitting behind. A couple of dudes that were just real mouthy and pounding beers. And we just wanted to chill and catch up. And we ended up moving over to the next section. Same row, though. Just over to the next section. But it was dead empty. There was nobody there against your division rival Rockies. Even the ushers would tell you. Go ahead. Passive-aggressive. Get up there. Minus the passive. Minus the passive. You know what? It used to be a lot worse when the Padres were at Qualcomm. Yeah. Friday night there with 19,000 people. And that place sits.

2:19:4870,000, 60,000, 70,000 people. It's ridiculous. You cry and pee and moan about getting a new stadium, and you got one, and there it is. It looks real pretty downtown. It does. It looks real sweet. Helps the community down there. One of the greatest stadiums I've ever set foot in. It's beautiful. I have no argument. And you got one of the greatest teams you've ever had on the field this year. Thursday, we're going. Yeah. I have soccer practice that day. Me too. I have softball that night. I got softball that night and soccer practice. It's always something. I know it. I do have softball. Always something. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's not here. Hello. She's out on maternity leave. I miss you guys. I miss you. That's Jay, our producer. Why is she whispering? She's going to want to wake the baby LLB. Here's your head. Here's your head. Okay, I got a baby attached to my boob right now. Be quiet. You wake her up. I don't need the baby eating sound effects. Ew. Why is it gross when a baby eats? It's not. It's not a baby eating. It's not gross. It's not gross. It's gross when a 47-year-old man. Burping the baby. I'm burping the baby, okay? A baby eating. Just to be clear, it is not gross when a baby eats. Oh, gosh.

2:21:12Yeah, it's only gross when a seven-year-old does the imitation of it. Let's see. It's Will. It's Will. Hello, hello, yes. Hello. Tune in. Yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for Old Time Radio. It's the old days of radio when radio was real. Unlike today where it's a bunch of mockery, foolishness. Plebeians. Even right here in San Diego, you can hear all the old-time stations like KCBQ. Let's take a listen to radio from thousands of years ago. I like it already. I do, too. It's danger. That's what that is. Danger, yeah. The incomparable Charlie Chan. Aha, that explains. Ah, the music of the Orient. Aha.

2:22:32The gong. The gong. I guess not a lot's changed in 50 years. You are welcome. That is correct. What's his favorite sound effect? The best. Of course. Charlie Chan? Charlie Chan. Was a detective? Yeah. No idea. Chinese. Did not know it. In the dramatic chapter from The Adventures of Charlie Chan. Is that the most popular name in China? Charlie? Mm-hmm. Or Chan. I mean, that's the thing. It's Jason Chan, ladies and gentlemen. Bill Chan. He's Chinese-American. He's a big player, wasn't he, Charlie Chan? Charlie Chan handily bids you good evening. Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, really? First of all, that's a 45-year-old white guy named William going, Hello, I am a Chari-chan. And it sends warm welcome. Ancient proverb relates. No way! By ten men build, one hand may destroy. I picture a guy with a long...

2:24:00Gray Fu Manchu. Eyes closed. Eyes closed. The guy from Gremlins. Guy from Gremlins. Yes, exactly. Tonight we meet hand that spread highly obfom of destruction. I'm sorry? Listen, please. Tonight we split highly obfom destruction. Got it. Is he Confucius or is he a detective? That's what I want to hear. That's what I can figure out. The danger. The telltale hand. Just lots of gongs. Just gongs everywhere. Just like, hey, listen, we really want to sell that this is Chinese, okay? So I'm going to need you to gong the crap out of that. Just everywhere, just gong stuff. Random gongs. Sort of a silence, just gong. And then put some pan flute in, if you forget. Tonight's episode is brought to you. By a payway. Overroutine. Overroutine. And a red rider BB gun. Lead lighter? Lead lighter BB gun. Throw another gong in for good measure. Just give us another gong. Harry, can you get another gong, please? Thank you. Where are you with that?

2:25:28She's 19 years old, short, dark, pretty in a cheerful way, and she might be beautiful. In a cheerful way. She's fat. She's a great personality. Pretty in a cheerful way, meaning she's a 250-pound heifer. We call her a jelly butt. That's right. The girl likes to eat. Makeup properly, but Judy doesn't. She's blind. Judy doesn't wear makeup. Judy doesn't wear makeup. Judy's blind. I understand that you'd like to cross Logan Avenue, but maybe you stop wrapping that ruler against the table. I know it's supposed to be your walking cane, but it certainly sounds more like a ruler slapping against the table. Stop taking... Stop taking that director.

2:26:38thing and doing takes. Click, click, click, click, click, click. Pardon, please. Can this inferior person lend a sister? Run. That's what I would say to her. Can this what? Can this inferior person? Yes. Is that what he said? Can this inferior person? Did he just say that? I think so. I wonder why this show isn't on the radio anymore. Our old Sarah Chan. We were just driving past and we saw your lift. Oh, that's awfully kind of you, but I don't need a lift. I'm waiting to cross Logan. What I need is eyesight. I need LASIK. Yes. Could you perhaps help me out with that? I need a walking stick instead of this director's thing. A director's thing. I'd like a walking stick instead of this director's thing, a ruler that I have in my hand. So tell me something, Mr. Chan. If that is your real name. If that's your real name. Charlie Chan. Charlie Chan. Really? I'm supposed to believe there's a Chinese gentleman in this town named Charlie. I'm blind, not stupid. My father's name is Charlie. He doesn't look a thing like you. That's right. Not that I would know because I've never seen him. Because I've never seen him. Never seen the man. Couldn't ascribe him to a police sketch artist. Maybe you write I love you in my hand and I'll read it. And maybe you don't take this opportunity to make fun of Mikey for no apparent reason.

2:28:03I mean, are they kidding with that? Can you imagine if we did a skit like this? So much wrong with us. Captain Buzzkill, his head would explode. Catch me missing a chance to walk with a pretty girl? Come on. Life's changed. Come on, Chubbs. Life's changed. How many fingers am I holding up? Thank you for calling me pretty. I had no idea. I had no idea. Are the noises supposed to be her shoes walking? It sounds like a horse walking. Danish clogs. It's in Scandinavia. I'm a kind detective, too. That's nothing. I'm a piano tuner. It's a family show. You can't say that word on the radio. What? I said pianist. Proven. Easy. I've got my tuning hammer right in. My tuning hammer. May I ask you a question, dear? Why do you speak like Zelda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz? Why do you speak like a... Why would you ask me to prove it? Why would I lie about being a piano tuner? It's not like I'm saying I'm a congresswoman. Barber.

2:29:30I've left it where I was working. If I were going to make up a job, moron. Maybe I'd say I was royalty. Yes. I mean, if I was going to make up a job, I'd say, hey, look, I'm secretary of state. Piano tuner, moron. If we're playing make-believe, I'm assuming that you're making up that you're a handsome man. I would have no idea. Isn't that right, Charlie? I'm worse than a plumber, always forgetting my tools. Step up, Judy. Thanks. Want me to go back and get that tuning hammer for you? Oh, no, thankfully. I'll film them. May I ask you a question, miss? Why do you have hooves? Want me to take you to your house? Don't bother. Oh, my God, this guy's a creepy rapist. Yeah, he sounds like a creep. Do you want me to pull my tuning hammer out of my pants? And if our piano needs tuning, I'll call you. That's code word there. Yeah, yeah. If my piano needs tuning. Wink, wink. Wait, you can't see that. I'm winking right now. I'm winking.

2:30:29Those sexual undertones and that. I meant that with a sexual overtone. How could you possibly be upset with that music? No, you're always nasty. It's just the cheeriest, sweetest music ever. I'm Hope. Come in. Oh my gosh. He sounds so happy to see her. Did she say daddy? I thought she said Betty, but it turns out it's daddy. It's daddy. I heard you've been whoring around town with your piano hammer. Whoring around with a little... Chinese man. Like a two-bit hussy. I just got a telegraph that said the neighbors saw you downtown with a Chinese man. Oh, man. Named Charlie. There's a Pony Express outside. It's got something I don't like in it. Daddy, I... Shut up. Shut up! Whoa! Daddy? What's up with that? Take it easy. How'd the job go this morning? Tell me.

2:31:43All right. Don't start piping on me, Daddy. This deep voice. I'll knock you on your keister. Keep it up. Were you hanging out with the Chinese man? Daddy, he was a fake Chinese man. Was he? His name was Charlie. It could possibly be Chinese. Okay, then. Are you sure it was fake? His name was Charlie. That probably was fake, then. Daddy, the van case has a beautiful piano. Why not? I got a million dollars. Tell me about the house, Judy. Everything you remember. She's blind. That... It was black. That's all I remember. I saw nothing. Popped in a couple things, bruised my shin, and that's about all I got. Father, I know I've never seen you, but I've been told that you just sit there on your chair in a nightgown. A woman's nightgown. Maybe I do. As far as you know. How many rooms? Here he is in a nightgown. Oh, creepy. Father, I desperately hope that this isn't true, but the neighbors told me that you sit on that chair in a bra and panties and high-heeled shoes. No, I don't. As far as you know. As far as you know. Not me. I've got to hear about them second-hand. Third-hand, Daddy.

2:33:20Father, I really hope that the rumors aren't true because I'm blind and I can't tell. But someone told me that you sit there in that chair dressed like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. I don't, as far as you know. I don't see them, I just feel them. Oh, that's good enough for me. That's what you say. He steps up to the front door. They're marble. The front door is oak. Go into the foyer. Two steps to the left, there's a closet. Three to the right is a small waiting room. You go straight ahead into the hall. Four steps to the right is Qualcomm Stadium. Another two steps to the left is the trolley. Three steps to the left is Gordon Biersch. And another two steps to the right is Hooters. This is the early Google Maps. Yes. This is the first Google. Hooters. Hooters. Daddy, you're trying to rob this place. Why do you want all these details?

2:34:17What do you need the layout for? You writing for the school paper? Wait a minute, Judy. I just remembered something. Excuse me. Father, has anyone ever told you that your voice sounds like a creepy pervert? Has anyone ever said that you sound like you work for some creepy gay sex life? Father, please tell me where you are. You're making me nervous. Father, you're creeping me out again. Who are you talking to? Father, the neighbors told me they came over yesterday to borrow some sugar and that you would dress like the guys from Slipknot. Is that true? I desperately hope it isn't. That's it.

2:35:26Now I know. It's just too easy when a blind girl gives you the whole layout first. I get it. Makes sense. That's Australian too. Did you know that L.O.B. was a detective? Ancient Chinese secret. That was Keith Urban. Some of his early work. That's right. Another episode of Old Time Radio. Maybe we keep it in the Chinese man, please. Maybe we just keep doing episodes of Charlie Chan. Oh, we have not done the answering machine thing yet. Told you what the guy said on this dude's answering machine. Man, we'll tell you that next. Agnostics, atheists, and Jews and Mormons score the highest on basic religious questions. That actually does not surprise me. You know who I would say probably scores the least? Christians. I would say Christians. They said people in the South.

2:36:49Yeah, and people in the South. People in the South? In the Bible Belt tended to do less well in the survey than those in other regions. Protestants and Catholics were not as knowledgeable as atheists and agnostics. Interesting. Yeah, that does not surprise me. Yeah, me neither. I don't really care. That's interesting. They study more on it, probably. Yeah, that's the deal. Yeah, that's the bit. Your average Mormon... know something about their religion. Oh, yeah. They have to. So is your average witness. Your average JW. They know about their religion. I was raised Catholic. I didn't know anything. You didn't? Nothing. And I went to catechism. I went through, like, the only thing I didn't do was my confirmation. But I did catechism. Yeah. And while I was going through it, you know, I obviously knew it a little bit then, you know, because I had to go through it.

2:37:53But, you know, I didn't retain anything. Yeah, I didn't retain a whole lot. Well, and one of the things that they say is they have the atheists and agnostics have to prepare themselves with an intellectual defense if they're approached by family, friends, or coworkers who find out that they are atheist or agnostic so they can stick up for themselves. Yeah. I was reading a quote. I'm not atheist or agnostic. Right. And that is supposed to be the Christian deal, too. We're supposed to be able to give a defense for our faith. Yes. If somebody asks you, what's your deal? You're supposed to be able to go. Did you know that 45% of American Catholics are unaware that Catholicism teaches the bread and wine that they get during communion becomes the blood and body of Christ during communion? They had no idea. They didn't know what it was? That's the basic thing. They thought they were getting a cracker and a shot of wine. They didn't know what it was about. Wow, he says it. But I thought, this is my body, which will be given up for you. 45%. Hey, wait a minute, though. Hi. I was Catholic. You were Catholic. You were Catholic. I was Baphlic. You were Baptist Catholic. Yeah. I was a good Baptist. I thought that before you got to get that, you had to know what was up. You do. You have to go for your first Holy Communion, and every time the priest gives it to you, I haven't been to church in a while, but he holds it up and says, take this, all of you, and drink from it. This is the cup of my blood. It will be shed for you and for all of you, so it sends me to be forgiven, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right.

2:39:21They say it every time you go up to get it. So people must just be like, I don't know. Yeah. I could be doing what I did when I was a little kid and my mom would literally drag my brother and I to church because we didn't want to go. Baptist church took two hours long. Was it really? Oh, yeah. It took forever. I think I developed, actually, a really good ability to tune people out in church. In church. I used to take a book. And they would let you read? What were they going to do? Throw me out? I would read. No, no, no. Your mom and dad would let you. My dad went to Catholic. church my mom went to baptist church and so i would go to the baptist church with her and i'd take a book because i'm like and she didn't get mad at you for reading she didn't like it but she's like it's better that he's here than right you know not so then i realized that my dad's service is about 45 minutes long started rolling with them real good You skip out after communion. Don't listen to the bulletins. Exactly. Then you bail. That's exactly what we did at LAB. He took communion. I know that bit. He would take communion, and I would be in the parking lot blasting a cig waiting for him. Blasting a cig? If I was good at church, we got donuts after. Yeah, same with us. And if I was bad at church, got a spanking.

2:40:27We got bagels. I didn't get a spanking, but we got to go to the bakery afterwards. And I would just, so I would, I developed, I would be not listening, but I would just stare forward, nod my head. Yes. Peace be with you. Oh yeah. Yeah, sure. Donuts, donuts. You'd be like donuts, bagels, donuts, bagels. No way to do the little cross on your head. Donuts, bagels, donuts, bagels. Well, that's what I was thinking in my head. I was like donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts. And my dad would give, it wasn't really a spanking. It would be like a pop. It was just barely. Sometimes he'd be like, ah, you know what, you're forgiven. Great. Yeah. Can I get a donut? Donuts then? And then we go home and watch football? Cool. Yeah. Mom cooks Sunday dinner and feast and watch some football. Great little Sunday. Good little Sunday. Mm-hmm. So this debt collector calls this guy and goes off. Yeah. This is, I'm obviously going to have to censor this. Say it. I will. Basically, Bank of America was going after this gentleman out of Dallas. His name was Alan Jones. 32-year-old Alan Jones. He owed $81 on his Bank of America credit card. What's up, you effing N? Yeah. This is your effing wake-up call, man. You little lazy-ass B. Get your mother.

2:41:53effing A up and go pick some other effing cotton fields B. That's a quote. A quote. That's a quote. And he left that on the guy's voicemail? Yeah, left it on his answering machine. What an idiot. And this guy said the calls continued even after he paid his bill. And then the representative was like, doesn't matter. We can call you as many times as we want. My brother worked for Citibank as a debt collector for summer. Like summer vacation or whatever. And said that, yeah, it would get hardcore in there. They're like instructed to be hardcore. Yeah. When you hang up on them, they're not allowed to call back, are they? I don't know. I always do. A lot of things are not supposed to be allowed to do, but they push the envelope. Yeah, I don't think you can say effing in. Yeah, you can't say that. Oh, dude. You know, I mean, this guy. And they found this guy? They found this dude that did it, fired him. You know, obviously he's... One rogue idiot, but just, can you imagine? I mean, honestly. He's insane. He sounds insane. There's something seriously wrong with that guy. Like, you're insane. You're insane for even, like, thinking that, then for saying it, then for leaving it on an answering machine. And Bank of America has fired that debt collection agency that they had, you know, contracted to do this. That's a good idea. That's a great idea. It's a good idea. Oh, my. Crazy. I read this article this morning. I was like, what? That's why I don't have credit cards.

2:43:20We deal with those people. That's why I have $300 limits online. What a beating. Want to do new releases? Yeah, let's do it. I don't know what new releases is. Noonan releases? Let's do it. Let's see. Jay even showed me where they are, and I still messed it up. You got this. Here we go. Nope, other one. This one? Yep, keep going. Hi, little guy. There we go. Got him. All right, Woodsy, you ready? Start with CDs. Okay. Bad Religion, The Descent of Man. You know what? That isn't my style, but I appreciate it. Yeah. Exactly. I can get that that's for that type of music, that that's somebody at the top of their field. Yep, and they are. I get that. I saw them open for Pearl Jam once. They're a pretty good live. Don't own one song by them, though. I don't either, but I get it. I understand it. Kenny Chesney, Hemingway's Whiskey. Sounds like a Chevy commercial. 100%.

2:44:39Right now, you can get a Chevy for 2% down. Chevrolet. Made. What do they say? Like a rock. Chevy. Made for tough. That's right. Chevy made for tough. What else? Eric Clapton. Clapton. Is this new? Yeah. It's not best of stuff? Sounds new. Always liked his voice. Always liked his guitar player. See, I think that... It's time to stop. Do you? I think it's time to stop when you can't recognize that that's what it is. Jazz influence or something. Yeah, I mean, if somebody played that for me and said, who's this? I wouldn't be able to go. I probably wouldn't be able to say that's Clapton's voice. Once I heard it a little bit. I love Eric Clapton. I think so, too. Love him. It's tough. Edwin Collins, Losing Sleep. My favorite part of doing new releases.

2:45:53This is when Mikey doesn't like something and he closes his eyes. It's the greatest face ever. I'm going to try to get it on film. What is that? What is it? It didn't sound like those harmonies were very smooth or whatever that was. Kind of like Tiny Tim. Edwin Collins. Edwin Collins. Who's the audience? 30-somethings. Really? Yeah. Hipsters. What do you know? Phil Collins going back. Like new stuff? Going back kind of sounds like a compilation. Oh, he did Motown songs. I remember I read about this. He recorded Motown songs. I don't like Phil Collins, man. I like Phil Collins, but not doing Motown. I don't like when anybody like Rod Stewart sings Motown. How about Motown sings Motown? You're not going to do it better than Gladys Knight. No. Remember this band, the Gin Blossoms, No Chocolate Cake. For real? I did too. I liked them better when they were called Train. No. I don't like Train. I like that. They're real heavy on the tambourine. Sounds like a Train record. I like it. Not bad. Sounds like Jim Blossom. Ice Cube. I am the West. Yeah. Yeah. Mikey. Mikey sings on. Where's my kangaroo?

2:47:55I like that. I did too. I like his voice, man. This one I was excited about, Jimmy Eat World, Invented. Produced. I think I agree. I think I agree too. Overproduced. Overproduced and doesn't have that raw energy. Exactly. I hate that when they take the organic mix away. But you know what happens though, I think too, is I think people get older. Yeah. Bands get older and they're like, you know. It doesn't sound as good as it used to. We want to grow. We want to evolve. We want to change. We want to. Well, sometimes it's like when you see your favorite little local band acoustic artist and you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm into it. And then they put it on EP and you're like, what's this? Yeah, that's exactly right. Seal. Commitment. Love it. Love his voice. I do. You and Heidi Klum and that's it. Yeah, pretty much. You guys saying people don't like Seal? I don't. I don't. You're right. He has a nice voice. Yeah, I think he has a nice voice. He's got great skin.

2:49:10Sorry. Pete Yorn, Pete Yorn. This is good. I just got a scar. I know. I'm just kidding. Don't filet me, for God's sakes. Is that what it is, acne? I think it's worse than acne. Yeah. Was it something beyond acne? I think it was. No, it was. It was like acid. No. I could be wrong. He threw it in his own face. I mean, are you kidding me? Oh, no. Dude, I knew it. We're already so late. Now Captain Buzz goes on the phone. I knew it. I can't believe that you just said. It was a joke. I was joking. Really? He also goes to bed with a supermodel every night, so don't feel too bad for that guy. I know you can't. You've been listening for four hours. Yeah, three hours and 47 minutes. I just need you to know this. What? I'm writing a letter to you, gentlemen. I know you are. Keep them coming, pal. Tell them what you just said. You know what I use them for? What? I use them in the restroom, and I'll leave it at that. According to this one article here. Oh, wow. Are you still there? Get your cleat phone all lined up. I got a subscription to Sports Illustrated, and my phone is shaped like a cleat. 17 years ago? Yeah, and you know nothing about sports, I bet. No.

2:50:54He had lupus. My apologies. My God. That's crazy. I had lupus. I know. That's crazy. Lupus is bad. I'm pro-anti-lupus. Pro-anti-lupus. Okay. I'm against it. What else is out today? Pete Yorn, Pete Yorn. You want to make fun of his skin? He's great. Greatness. That one didn't do anything for me. Wait until the next one you hear, Mike. Okay. Neil Young, Les Noyes. Is it new? Yes. It is. What is the title of this segment? Sometimes they put out new releases. I scroll through and make sure that I don't put new old releases in. Kid does his job. Really? Yeah. Kid does two things real good. New releases and making fun of lupus victims. Oh, wow. I recorded this from bed.

2:52:15I just hung a mic from the ceiling. You know what? Guy still sounds like Neil Young. Yeah. Sure does. That's what I was going to say. Has he ever really sounded... Hard to sound like something else if you're Neil Young. Did you guys ever hear the record he did with Pearl Jam called Mirrorball? No, but I've seen a couple covers that Pearl Jam's done. And he did an actual record called Mirrorball that was unbelievable. Also, out on DVD today is Iron Man 2. and get him to the Greek and the history of lupus. Who do you think that MSNBC said is the problem with our education system? Steve Woods. I'll tell you when we get back. What is that? I love this. Need to breathe. So good, man. I love stuff that sounds like it could be played from a rocking chair.

2:54:10Let's pick some dude. Jamming, drinking moonshine out of a jar. Sitting on a rocking chair. You'd be like Taj Mahal then. Mm-hmm. Tapping the heel of your shoe. Playing the washboard. That's right. Hell, have you seen, have you seen, what are you doing? I'm trying to turn her microphone up. Oh, gosh. I had no idea. This is the international signal for, turn up my mic. Woodsy gives me hand signals we've never discussed. I figure a professional man would figure it out. Woodsy will be like, dude, dude. Yeah. Fly the kite? What was that? What was that? He was doing a square with his hands like, you want me to grow taller? Yeah, I'm like, Woods wants me to make a goat. Water the plants? Yeah, water the plants. Cut the hair. Cut the hair. Make a goat. Make a goat. Make a goat. The beaver has landed. It doesn't make sense. Folks, the beaver has landed. Oh, Momo. Hell, have you seen the documentary It Might Get Loud?

2:55:15I'm going to get filleted for this. You are going to get filleted. Hillary. It's in my Netflix queue. Me too. I am a mother. I have no time for anything. It's Jack White. I know. It's so good. My husband saw it. He was like, babe. It's good. I'm Netflixing it. I'll bump it up to number one on my Netflix queue. Guy makes a guitar out of a frigging log. Dude, I've heard all about it. I've heard it's great. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. Like just the fact that he was able to, you know, in his head go, this will work. Yeah, I'm going to make a guitar out of this log. Yeah. He's brilliant, man. I've never been the world's biggest White Stripes fan, don't claim to be. Actually, I like his other bands a little bit more than the White Stripes. But I play guitar very, you know, little. That dude is so talented at the guitar. He has his own sound. You know, all three of those guys have their own sound. It's just very cool. Yeah. Oh, check it out. Guess what? M1 Virgin Nikki. Are you there? Oh, she's going into labor today. You going to have your baby? I'm having my on my way right now. Oh, yeah. Little dude. Can I name the baby? She has a name. You already have it? Yeah. I was going to say Roy. Roy. Roy Brewer? Wow. Roy Brewer. Stop. Uriah. Uriah.

2:56:31It's going to be Jude. Nice. That's a rad name. That's pretty cool. So are you in labor right now? No, I'm having a scheduled C-section. Okay, all right. I was going to say, wow, that's impressive. That's impressive. Our fans are dedicated. Yeah, I'm a real M1 if I call when I'm in labor. For sure. So you go in there and they're going to give you, are you going to do the epidural? No, it's surgery. Full surgery. No, they actually give me a spinal. It paralyzes me from the chest down. Oh, wow. That's exciting. So you're awake while you have the C-section? Yeah. Oh, God. Crazy. Yeah. So you can... No pushing or spasming or anything. Yeah. You can be present for the birth. Wow. It's crazy. So glad I'm a man. No, you get to see it. They're behind a little drape. Yeah, you can't see it. You can't when it's C-section, right? I'll be passing out some questions. Passed on cigars real good. You did, Jay? Came out, her first baby was a C-section. I stood up and looked over the little veil. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And then they were pulling things out, and they said, what's this? Tell her what it is. It's her spleen. Her spleen? Maybe that's her liver? I don't know. It's like, oh, wait, it's a baby. Oh, wow. Don't freak her out, man. She's going to get it done. It was no big deal. No big deal. Yeah, sounds like it.

2:57:42You'll be just fine. Virgin Nikki, call us when you can and let us know everything's all right. Congratulations. Congratulations. That's awesome. That's so great. Should we play the Hey Jude and the Kazoo real quick? Maybe one time. Maybe we're over time here, but maybe tomorrow in honor of Virgin Nikki, we'll play her that. She probably doesn't want that associated. Every time the baby's name is said. Well, you do because that's why you name your kid Jude. Maybe. There's other reasons. Don't you? It's like naming your kid Layla. Maybe St. Jude. And thinking people are going to be like, oh, like the song. Yeah, yeah. I sing it to you every time. Every time. Isn't St. Jude the patron of like children's something or other? There you go. Something or other, actually. So what do you got coming up? Well, I grabbed some Spoon, Phoenix, Black Keys, Meat Puppets. I did grab the new Jimmy Eat World. Nice. There you go. And I'm going to start with a great Johnny Cash song. Nice. Good deal. Yes. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next tomorrow morning. We'll be back at 6 o'clock. We'll do it again. Mikey Show's out. Late.