The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/01/10
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday October 01, 2010
Mikey goes gangsta with his skull cap. Comic Con will remain in San Diego and celibate geeks everywhere celebrate. Captain Buzzkill calls in immediately, upset about Woods making fun of Comic Con. The audio of the screaming lady getting ink done is replayed and promises to never get old. Sabrina the weathergirl thinks comedy is stupid. Hoyle’s mama stops by to explain their unique relationship at home. More news on the creep who recorded the kid who committed suicide gets a big discussion going about bullies in school and how to deal with it. WoS plays sad music for the Padres who are hanging by a thread. Ocho Cinc-Oh’s cereal has a sex line phone number right on the box, kids! An email about a dude not being physically attracted to his girlfriend is bantered about and a M1 calls in upset about her boyfriend not liking her for the same reason until Tracy Morgan shows up wanting to put a baby in her! Lebron James thinks racism played a role in people being upset with him leaving Cleveland. M1 Copycat featuring Craig Gass is not as easy as it would seem. POW! Christopher Walken tells the greatest joke of all time! Craig remembers fooling Lars Ulrich with his Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons voices and how he ended up opening for Metallica. Lorena Bobbit audio insults Tom Tom Girl. What’s the penalty again for cutting off a dude’s schlong? The news of inflatable balls toys being recalled gets Buzzkill to call in again and talk about his hip injury. Tom Tom Tunes gets Christopher Walken involved to Movie Phone Guy’s jealousy, wherever he is these days. Woods’ dream of Jamie only having two toes on each foot makes him feel like a superficial jerk and the gang discuss saying mean things to people about physical features they were born with. Woodsy gets back at Mikey by shutting off the lights in the bathroom while trapped on the throne. Hot Potato game has BB King aiming low. Mikey includes Rebecca in furniture shopping and the couch swapping between show members begins. New Releases sees the return of da playa Justin Timberlake dawg! Mikey reaches in the topic jar and we learn who on the show was escorted out by security and LOB is the big surprise and what things about their childhood would no one guess? More topics are pulled and secrets are revealed. It’s a big, busy weekend for the crew. Mikey gives his testimony with a caveat beforehand.
Bumper Music
| 1. In The Clouds by The Cult |  |
| 2. Send The Pain Below by Chevelle | |
| 3. It’s No Good by Depeche Mode | |
| 4. Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band | |
| 5. You Only Live Once by The Strokes | |
| 6. Letters by Stroke 9 | |
| 7. Crackerman by Stone Temple Pilots | |
| 8. Prophecy by Remy Zero | |
| 9. The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret by Queens Of The Stone Age | |
| 10. Tonight, Tonight by Smashing Pumpkins | |
| 11. So Far Away by Staind | |
| 12. Not For You by Pearl Jam | |
| 13. Battle-axe by Deftones | |
| 14. Nightrain by Guns N’ Roses | |
| 15. The Last Song by Foo Fighters | |
| 16. Get Up by 50 Cent | |
Chargers blackoutComic Conbullying and privacyphysical attractioncelebrity impressionsMetallica prankstudio games and pranksaddiction recovery and faithradiocomedysan diegochargers
Mikey, Woods and L.O.B. reacted to the Chargers blackout and celebrated Comic-Con staying in San Diego, while disagreeing over whether Woods would ever sit through a convention panel. The show turned serious as they examined Tyler Clementi's death, Ellen's anti-bullying appeal and the difficulty of defining and punishing bullying, then advised Heather to leave a relationship in which her boyfriend openly rejected her physically. Craig Gass drove the comedy with M1 Copycat and the story of how prank-calling Lars Ulrich led him to open for Metallica, while the crew added tattoo drops, a two-toed dream, a bathroom blackout and Movie Plot Hot Potato. Mikey ended with a candid account of addiction, depression, disordered eating and the Christian faith he says transformed his life.
What happened, in order
Chargers blackout frustration
Mikey and Woods complained that the Chargers' second straight home game would be blacked out locally because roughly 6,500 tickets remained unsold.
Comic-Con stays in San Diego
The crew celebrated Comic-Con remaining in San Diego through 2015, then argued over whether Woods would ever take a convention panel seriously.
Tattoo agony soundboard
The hosts replayed a woman's anguished reactions to getting a back tattoo and immediately turned her cries into recurring soundboard drops.
Tyler Clementi and bullying
Mikey, Woods, L.O.B. and callers discussed Tyler Clementi's suicide after Darun Ravi and Molly Wee secretly streamed his private encounter, debating zero-tolerance punishment and the gray area between bullying and ordina
Can love survive without attraction?
A listener's relationship question led Mikey, Woods and L.O.B. to argue that companionship matters deeply but that a complete absence of physical attraction is likely to hurt both partners.
Heather's loveless relationship
Caller Heather said her live-in boyfriend of nearly three years had openly told her he was not attracted to her, and the crew urged her to leave rather than keep waiting for him to change.
M1 Copycat
Craig Gass joined Mikey, Woods and L.O.B. for a celebrity-impression guessing game featuring Elvis Presley, Johnny Carson, Al Pacino, Oprah Winfrey and Morgan Freeman.
Pranking Lars Ulrich
Craig Gass explained how a radio prank using fake celebrity voices amused Lars Ulrich, led to a friendship, and eventually earned Craig a surprise opening set for Metallica.
The hang-loose feet dream
Woods admitted dreaming that his wife Jamie had only two toes on each foot and joked that the discovery would have ended their relationship if they had only been dating.
Bathroom blackout prank
Woods shut off the bathroom lights while Mikey was trapped in a stall without his phone, leaving him frightened in total darkness before returning to rescue him.
Movie Plot Hot Potato
Woods and Jay raced through movie clues in Movie Plot Hot Potato, after which the losing Jay was struck near the groin with a BB gun.
Mikey's recovery testimony
Mikey closed by describing years of loneliness, low self-esteem, addiction and disordered eating before crediting his 2003 Christian conversion with restoring his confidence and purpose.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayCraig GassTyler ClementiDarun RaviMolly WeeEllenHeatherLars UlrichJamie
28,717 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
This is the day we do our live studio audience. We've got a big audience in here today. Big audience. Sure do. Let's get this thing going, man. You can give us a call, 570-1949. Love to hear from you. Craig Gass in here starting at 7 o'clock hour. Craig will be on TV this morning as well. Nice. This guy's making the rounds, man. He is, dude. Making it up. He's going to be doing his show tomorrow night at 4th and B, where, ladies and gentlemen, Lauren O'Brien will be appearing. Big Bala. That's right. I'll be buying beers for everybody. There you go. For everybody? Yeah, everybody. Well, you just said that. Everybody knows I'm full of it. All right. Yeah, that's true. We will see. Is that thing turned up real loud? I don't know. Because it sounds like I'm getting a little bit of... Feedback on that thing. Test one, two, test one, two. How's that? Yeah, perfect. Can you guys still hear from that speaker? Okay, cool. Let's see. So Craig's coming in the seven hour. The word of the day, which, by the way, today is worth a four pack of tickets to Wild Animal Park. $160 value. The word of the day is rancid. And so when you hear me say.
The word rancid, when I work that into a sentence, real clever, real sweetly, then you will call in and caller nine gets those tickets. A few things that we're going to be hitting on. We're going to be hitting on the Chargers and whether or not we're going to see the Chargers on TV. Big news concerning Comic-Con and what's up with the lightning. What's up with all that stuff? The weather. Yeah. It's going to be a good... Good Friday in here. You're going to get it. You've got it. Don't worry. You're going to get it. Take it easy. That's right. Capacity crowd this morning. 450,000 people. Seriously. Good energy. It feels electric in here. I already know it's going to be good. Which is why it's such a bummer to announce to the room that the Charger game is in fact blacked out. How brutal is that? Yeah. Terrible, man. Blacked out. Blacked out against the Cardinals at Qualcomm. Will not be televised locally because not enough tickets were sold. It was announced on Thursday. When they made the announcement a couple weeks ago, 5,000 more tickets were sold after that announcement. It was an incentive basically to get people to the ticket window. But now there's about 6,500 tickets left to sell. Oh, wow. Shouldn't the Chargers sell them at a discounted rate?
Give them away. You know what they did in Dallas, where I'm from, is Jerry Jones bought them. Really? Yeah. He doesn't want his stadium. He doesn't want games blacked out. Yeah. He just doesn't. That's just terrible. So that's two home games and two blackouts. And people are absolutely livid. Second straight home game of the season. Not going to be able to see it on television. I will read all about it on the internet. I don't like it one bit. It's terrible, man. I guess they hadn't had one in forever, and now they have one. We had the blackout with the, what was the first game? Not the Seahawks. Jaguars? Jaguars. Yeah, they hadn't had one before that in forever, and now two in a row. Like 2003? Yeah, something like that. I'll get killed for it, but I don't know. I didn't live here. 5-7-0. Just leave me alone, please. Please leave me alone. 5-7-0. You're screaming at me. 570-1949. You're screaming at me. 570-1949. Don't scream at me. Here's the phone number. Am I screaming? Don't scream at me. Please stop screaming at me. You're raising your voice. Please don't raise your voice. It's not my fault. I'm trying to do this. Calm down, dude. It's not my fault. It doesn't matter how I say it. He's thinking I'm screaming. I can't stop him. You are on edge this morning. I am, Mikey.
Try decaf. I'm telling you, I'm speaking very calmly. This rocks. This is as calm as I can. This is unbelievable. Woods, don't walk out. Don't walk out. I don't know if I can work in this kind of environment. I'm just going to stay quiet. I refuse to accept that I'm yelling. I've got your back. You are a monster. Hey, if he pulls out a knife, Woods. Easy with the skull cap. You scared me to death. I'm as calm as I could possibly be. This is as easily and softly as I can speak. Okay, we'll stop. We'll stop. I picked my cup. this morning. I just thought it might be a nice treat to ride in together. And I pulled up to his house and I was like, oh, somebody's breaking in Mikey's house. Because there's this dude out front, this little Mexican dude, and he's got this skull cap on. I was like, who's this? What's this guy up to? It's my warm beanie. Because I knew it was going to be rainy and ugly and yucky. You scare me. That's right. You look like a gangster. Yeah. Would you imagine that the same guy that's wearing this skull cap was at Sir La Table, a cook's paradise yesterday. And not only that, but he packed his little lunch in a nice, sweet Sir La Table bag today. A little grocery bag. I go, maybe you get one from Sports Authority. Bring it in that. I texted Woods a picture of the sign outside of Sir La Table where they sell cook stuff. I texted him a picture that said Sir La Table, a cook's paradise. And he texted back,
You're a giant gay wad. Gay wad. I haven't used that since fourth grade. I thought it was a good time to break it out. No offense, of course. Don't yell at me. Please. None taken. Just leave me alone. So that's the big news at Charge of Black. The other big news is about Comic-Con. Yes, sir. Staying in town. Staying in town. At least. You know, this thing started here in 1970. It was a comic book fair. It's grown into just a massive... It's massive. I went for my first time last year. Mike went for his first time last year. We had a freaking blast. It was one of the most fun days I've had since I moved to San Diego. And that thing generates about $163 million a year for San Diego's economy. So it is... Very cool. It's going to be here at least through 2015. And the spokesman, David Glanzer, who probably hates sci-fi, said that there's always been a desire to stay in San Diego. He said, you know, we want to be here. L.A. had submitted a bid and Anaheim had submitted a bid as well. You know, hey, this is big, big news for our economy and for our city. And that's five more years of bits that we get out of that thing. Well, my question to you, Woods.
is would you ever go and, I mean, because I know that you had a good time just kind of walking around seeing people. But would you ever go and actually sit in on a panel? You wouldn't? No. Of course you would not. No, I'm not interested really in anything. They do it on like movies and TV shows now. Why wouldn't you go and just watch something? Find out about something. Why wouldn't you go and watch something? Maybe you learn something. I would. Well, you know I would. Would you? Yeah. Because I'm into some of that stuff. Mikey would sit there like this. Arms crossed, eyes squinted. They don't have cooking shows at Comic-Con. It's all, you know. They have some things that I know that I would be interested in. I know that there is things that I would be interested in. I'm into. The movie Alien. I'm into that franchise. I'm into some of that stuff. Yeah. That would have been good if you'd sat on a panel 20 years ago. Why? When Alien was relevant. They'd have Iron Man there. Yeah. Iron Man. That would have been good. 20 years ago would have been great. I would have sat in there with you. Lost. Get. Oh, God. I knew it. I knew it. Really? Are you so cool that you wouldn't go to see a panel with? Yes. That's right.
Really? Is it because there's only nerds that go to Comic-Con? Yes, right. Do you go, Cotton Basket? Of course I go. Of course. No, I'm not saying it's just nerds. I had a blast. I went, I had a blast. I was pleasantly, pleasantly surprised. Did you have a blast because you were actually enjoying some of the forums, or were you having a blast because you were making funny people? Because I like the forums? And you love me. You love me. I know. You know why? Because you make fun of everything about Comic-Con. I like Comic-Con. I'm excited that it's here. Yeah, he is, actually. I'm excited. I'm going to go. I'll probably go two days this year. Off the air, he was like, I'm going to go every year. I can't wait. Have you been taken in a gaming form ever in your life? Have I what? Have you taken in a gaming form ever in your life? What does that mean? Taking in a gaming form? I hear ya. What does that mean? I hear ya, M1CBK. Look, M1CBK. It's not my name. Yes, it is. It's your M1 name. You're the biggest M1 ever. I hate your show. You love our show! The only reason I listen is because Jagger and Christy don't come in. I know, but you love our show. You love it. You're the first one to call before we even open up the phone lines. I hate everything about it. And before you start to criticize Comic-Con, you may take going to one of the forums and actually taking something in. Do you know something? If it wasn't for things like Comic-Con, there's a lot of things that you would...
Enjoy that you wouldn't be able to enjoy for instance now I'll just let me tell you this m1cbk If it was a forum on if it was the forum on baseball I probably wouldn't go sit in a forum anyway because I'm just not that's not really my thing No, I'm not too cool. It's just not my thing Would you go to a baseball game? Yes, I actually really love me Simulated baseball or real baseball? Simulated baseball played on PS3. You play Wii? What? You play Wii or are you too lazy to play Wii? Wii is about three years old. It's so yesterday. Tom Arnold's coming in again today. He is? Yeah, he'll be in again. You going to be listening? I absolutely will because I love Tom Arnold. That's the only reason you'll be listening. Of course you do. Yeah, that's the only reason. so much. I hate it. You love us so much. You do. Here he goes. He'll be back. Are you guys still there? Yeah, hang up the phone. We can't let go until you hang up. It's so sad that you just sit there on the phone. Why does he call it? He hates us so much. He hates us. He listens four hours a day and podcasts that night. I guarantee you. The entire show. Hey, how did you enjoy the weather here in Manila yesterday?
I loved it. I did too. Yeah. Loved it. Bright sunshine, 95 degrees, torrential downpours at the exact same time. I know. Just the strangest weather. It's like Hawaii. Yeah. I was waiting for pterodactyls to start flying. I loved it, man. I got home yesterday. I walked inside. My house was pitch black. Yeah. I was like, whoo. Yeah. Nice and cool. Yeah. Then my wife thought she'd vacuum for three hours while I tried to take a nap. Right. Other than that. Double Rainbow was out yesterday. Now, what are they saying, Woods, about the weather? And what's the forecast? Well, the forecast is that it's going to be spotty on Saturday before giving way Sunday to two days of cloudy skies and seasonal temperatures, which probably means it's going to cool down. They reported actually 1,000 lightning strikes Thursday in San Diego County. It contributed to car crashes, downed power lines, and flood advisories. It was insane. I know that they had to stop Charger practice yesterday because there was lightning strikes just west of the practice field. That's crazy. So they had to stop. Yeah, pretty crazy, man. The thing about living in Texas, man, they have the craziest electrical storms and rainstorms. Aren't they the best? They're the best. And you sleep right through them. It's just cool. It's so cool. It really is. Yesterday was kind of like that. I mean, they were big.
Thick raindrops yesterday. Yeah, but it's nothing like, you know, it would rain a foot in an hour. Yeah, it would. Yeah. Excuse me, Mark. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Sabrina, where have you been? I was waiting on the stupid weather. Yeah, Sabrina's our weather girl. We've seen her in a while. Yeah, it kills me because, you know, during all of this yesterday, it kind of started yesterday, didn't even hear anything from you. I got here early. Yeah. I'm sitting out there. I'm waiting for Jay to come and get me. How can you get her, Jay? I think it's obvious, isn't it? What do you mean? What did you say? I thought you said that, but I wasn't sure. She's kind of rude to me. Well, what does he even do here? I don't even know. He does everything. Jack of all trades. He loads everything in. He makes sure the guests are scheduled. He gets everybody in here. He makes sure that I'm on time. He didn't schedule me. Yeah, he has. But the thing is that you show up so late that we have to bump you to the next day. It's early today, Mark. Yeah, why are you in so early? Because I wanted to talk about the stupid weather. Why are you wearing sunglasses? First of all, it's dark outside. I always have my sunnies on. You always have your sunnies on. Yeah. All right, well, what can you tell us about the forecast? Woods just gave us something. Well, he already said it, but just be careful. What are you going to do this weekend? What am I going to do? Yeah. Depending if it's nice, I'm going to lay out. If it's not nice. I don't think it's going to be. How do you know? Wouldn't you know that? It's probably not more than me. Probably not lay out weather.
I don't know. But if not, I'll watch some Twilight. Go see L.O.B. Go see what? L.O.B. See what? She's going to perform this weekend with Craig Gass at 4th and B. I don't like comedy. You don't like comedy. No, it's stupid. Why is it stupid? You don't like to laugh? Everybody likes to laugh. It's awkward laughing? Like you're embarrassed when you laugh in front of people. I'm embarrassed for L.O.B. You are embarrassed for L.O.B. Just get up there and have people laugh at her. It's the worst. It's my nightmare. I think it sounds kind of fun. I think it's great. Hey, did anybody here in the studio, there's a lot of people that are here in the studio, did anybody hear us play yesterday the audio of the woman getting the tattoo? A couple of people did hear that. Okay, well. The rest of you guys, maybe you tune in. Raise your hand if you haven't heard this yet. Raise your hand if you haven't heard this. You're in for a treat. Maybe you tune in 6 to 10. It was late. Come on. It was late in the day when we played this. I'm not messing around anymore. All right. Anymore. Okay. Well, don't know where this is. Somewhere in the rural south, okay? A woman decides that she's going to get a tattoo on.
Her back. Yeah, it was. Now, the deal is, is that when you get a new tattoo and you've never had one before, maybe you've heard that they hurt, but you're just not. Maybe you're just not prepared for how bad they hurt. Or maybe you have a very low threshold for pain. First of all, I do love. The hillbilly Holy cow, holy cow, dude
I can't take it. I can't take it. Wait, wait. Do it again. Do it again. It sounds like a girl that Hoyle would do. I know it. I can't take it. Oh my God. Let me ask you a question, ma'am. You know, I'm guesstimating probably a three and a half hour tattoo here. Are we going to be all right? Is this going to continue? Is this going to continue? Hit her on the head with a hammer. That's right. Knock her out. You think she is going to opt for natural childbirth? What do you think? How's that going? You think she's ever sat in a patio chair with a bucket of Budweiser's in front of her on a Sunday afternoon? Maybe with a fishing pole in a lake? Do you think that girl's ever feasted on a nice catfish? Oh, man. She's ever noodled? Yeah, you think that girl's ever noodled? You think that girl's ever deep fried a nice catfish? Has she ever been through the Taco Bell drive-thru? Has she ever been to Walmart? At 2 a.m. in the morning. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's brilliant. I love easy. Easy. Easy. Easy. As if he's going hard. Yes. Hey!
Take it easy. It's the same thing I do to all my customers, ma'am. It's just the needle. I get it. Stop. That dude is like, this is the luck of the draw that I get. You got that hot girl over there getting a little daisy on her inner thigh, and I got this broad laying in the chair. I cannot. Help it. I can't help it. Do you understand? It hurts. It hurts. It sounds like my sister. My goodness. Ouch! That's the greatest. Okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to have these forever. All these drops. It's killing me, killing me. I love that one. I mean, there's a billion uses for all these drops. If anything is ever funny now, we just go... It's killing me, it's killing me.
Hey, is that funny? Sounds like Sam Kinison. LLB's talking about being a vegetarian. I know it. I know it. So great. This is great because, you know, Craig is coming in. Craig Gass will be in sometime during the seven hour and he'll stay with us until he has to leave for his TV appearance. Easy big time. He does the greatest Sam Kinison. It's the funniest thing. Better than that lady? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. He does a great Sam Kinison. I don't know if he does that great, but he's pretty good. So we'll put them up against each other. Let's see. M1 Servant Warrior from La Mesa. What's up? How's it going, Mikey? I was wondering, I don't know if Hoyle's around or whatnot, but I'm wondering. Yes, I'm listening to it. I see the similarity. I know where you're going with it. Yes. Well, I'm wondering, Hoyle, is that your mama? That's not my mama. It's not my mama.
Does she have a wild streak? Is she getting a tattoo? It is not my mama. Mama's with me today because today is bring mama to work day. I didn't hear that. No, she's sitting right there. Hi, baby. Baby. It's a joke we have. It's a joke we have. You ain't supposed to say that outside the house. It's not like that, weirdos. Who's the weirdo? When I was a little kid, she used to sing this song to me. She said, baby, baby, sing, and I'd sing it back. And a baby, baby, sing, and I'd sing it back. And ever since then, she's called me baby. And then I call her baby. It's a joke we have between each other. Yeah, but remember what I said, Hoyle? You said don't say it at Applebee's because that one time it got weird. And I said not outside the house because in these four walls. In these four walls. In these four walls. It's a little saying we have. And every night before I go to bed, we still do the butterfly kisses. Maybe you get your own place. Hey, you stop that right now, Stephen. Maybe you get your own place. He's happy where he is. I'm helping Mama right now. That's right. Are you? I'm helping. That's right. Who pays the rent?
I do, but he gives me a portion, though. That's right, Mama. She pays the rest. I help. He gives me a portion. What do you do? I bought milk. That's right. Chocolate. Bought chocolate milk. Went to Vaughn's. What else? Sometimes he will massage my bunions. Oh, disgusting. Yes. I will because I care about and love mama. I care about and love my mom, too. He's a good boy. I have my own place. He's a good boy. He's a grown-ass man. He is a good boy. I'm helping. I'm helping. She's helping. It's wonderful to help mama. She's helping. How is she helping? She's helping you. She's giving you a free place to live, cooking for you, doing your laundry. He's not free. He pays me $10 a week. Cleaning all your skid marks, the whole bit. He does do skid marks. Mama, no, don't. I'm sorry, but she's right. You and Mikey have a problem. Stop it, Mama. You spray and wash. I know. I need OxiClean for those skid marks. No, you don't. I do. You have never used any OxiClean, Mama. I used to use elbow grease, but then it got too... It got too ornery? Too tough. Did it get too ornery, Mama?
Don't you start with me, Horatio. I'm not. I'm just saying don't tell everybody on the radio. Don't have to be speaking out of school. Horatio. Don't call me Horatio, mama. Relax. Baby. I'm listening. Stop it. 570-1949 is the number. Donovan McNabb completely delusional, or did we just not get it? Because we got some audio of Donovan McNabb and what he had to say about going back to Philly this weekend. So we'll give you some of that. Philly! Philly! Detroit! Ladies and gentlemen, it's Friday, which means it's a live studio audience. We'll be back after this. Word of the day is rancid. So when you hear me work that into a sentence, Caller 9 gets a $160 value four-pack of tickets to the Wild Animal Park. Craig Gast will be in in the 7 o'clock hour. And Donovan McNabb, is he completely delusional? Or did we just not get it? Wait till you hear what he had to say about going back to Philly. Philly! I'll tell you that in a minute. I wonder what our Hungarian nanny, Nita, thought when she got home last night. And we were all in bed and there was a piece of cake with some saran wrap over it and a note that said, Nita.
Don't eat this. Oh, boy. It's not vegetarian. What? Was it meat cake? Yes. Meat cake? Meat cake. It was chocolate cake with bacon sprinkled on the top of it. Just heart attack. And all I could think to myself was, what kind of... Filthy people, she must think. When she got home and thought to herself, I cannot eat cake. This is her conversation to her parents. Mom, Dad, I could not eat cake last night because filthy American put bacon on top of it. Pig skin. Skin of pig. You know what the bacon is, right? Yes, right? It's flesh of pig. Yeah, flesh of pig. Yes. You know? And then I tell Mexican man that live here that it was weird. And he says, bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good. Yes, correct. And I said, it could taste like a pumpkin pie for all I know. But I'm not going to eat it. I never know. Because I'm not going to eat it. Yeah, bacon cake. I ate it last night. Bacon cake? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? That's when you know you've just given up. No. Yeah. No more health.
No more like, oh man, I gotta watch my heart and my cholesterol. I'm just giving up. I'm eating bacon cake. Well, chocolate covered bacon is like the new craze. It is. It's the new thing. It tastes like crazy feet. People are really into it right now. You gotta try it. Delicious. So, new charges have been filed in the case of... Is this the kid that had jumped off the George Washington Bridge? Yes, sir. Now tell why. Explain why. So basically what had happened was this, and some more information has come out about this case. It was a freshman at the University of Rutgers in Jersey, and he is a gay man. And he asked his roommate, Darun Ravi, he said, hey, Darun, I need the room tonight. Got a little taste coming over. We don't know what he actually said. Yes, we do. We do? We've got it now. How do we know what he said? He didn't say, I got a little taste coming over. He said... I wonder if he just said, I don't want anybody... No, I'll tell you. Darun sent a message by Twitter. Quote, roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay. Oh, wow. So he says, hey, I got somebody coming over. I need the room.
All right. So this guy, Darum, goes, yeah, no problem. Turns on the webcam, walks out the door, goes to his friend's room, pulls it up on the computer, and they're watching this guy. Thinking that it's going to be a girl? No, I don't even. I think they're just watching him like, you know. Right. Being creeps. Being creeps, right? So basically what had happened was he then went to Twitter again and said, anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 930 and 12. Yes, it's happening again. So people logged on. They saw this guy making out with this other dude. And God knows what else they saw, right? Right. Well, it gets out that that's what happened. And this gentleman, gosh, what's his name? What's his name? Tyler Clemente. Then he put on a mobile status update on Facebook, jumping off the GW bridge. Sorry. Oh, wow. After it was webcast to people at his school. Oh, my gosh. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. It's deplorable and it's terrible. So they're determining whether additional charges, including bias, which I'd never heard of that as a charge, may be brought against two Rutgers University students accused of invading privacy. That's like a hate crime? Yeah, I think it's probably a hate crime. Well, it's also a major invasion of privacy. But the bias part, I think, does that refer to a hate crime? I don't know. Really sad.
Yeah, really sad. Ellen went off on it on her show about bullying. I am devastated over the death of 18-year-old Tyler Clemente. If you don't know, Tyler was a bright student at Rutgers University whose life was senselessly cut short. He was outed as being gay on the Internet, and he killed himself. Something must be done. This month alone, there have been a shocking number of news stories about teens who have been teased and bullied and then committed suicide. like 13-year-old Seth Walsh in Tehachapi, California, 13-year-old Asher Brown in Cypress, Texas, and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Greensburg, Indiana. This needs to be a wake-up call to everyone that teenage bullying and teasing is an epidemic in this country and the death rate is climbing. One life lost in this senseless way is tragic. Four lives lost is a crisis. And these are just the stories we hear about. How many other teens have we lost? How many others are suffering in silence? Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you. My heart is breaking for their families, for their friends, and for our society that continues to let this happen. These kids needed us, and we have an obligation to change this. There are messages everywhere that validate this kind of bullying and taunting, and we have to make it stop. We can't let intolerance and ignorance take another kid's life.
And I want anyone out there who feels different and alone to know that I know how you feel. And there is help out there, and you can find support in your community. If you need someone to talk to or if you want to get involved, there are some really great organizations listed on our website. Things will get easier. People's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it. You know, I've said a million times, wild, wild west in terms of... what the internet is still the wild wild west yeah and uh there's got to be somebody there's got to be some sort of legislation that gets put into you know that gets put into uh office that that says that if you do that whether it's you know on the internet or whether you do it at school that there's really really harsh punishment for it woods even said the other day like zero tolerance first day of school i'm the principal of john hancock Middle school. I get on stage and I say, all right, hey, welcome. Glad that you're here. You're here to learn. You're here to have fun, too. You're here to play sports and make friends. These are friends you're going to carry with you the rest of your life, like me. Some of my best friends, seventh grade and on. If you bully another student, you are expelled. Period. There's no board of review. There's no nothing. If you bully another student and you are seen bullying another student, you're expelled. You're going to have to go to another school. I'm on board with that. Me, too.
And if you're watching somebody bully another school, bully another person, you're not in it, but you're watching and you're not helping, you're in trouble too. Yeah. Yeah, I'm totally down with that. It's so brutal. Like, I remember middle school, you would sometimes just, I was never a victim of, like, extreme bullying, but it was always somebody's turn on the chopping block. And somebody just arbitrarily decided, okay, we're going to make fun of this person today. We're going to exclude this person today. It was bad enough when you had, like, notes and just whispering, but now you've got, text messaging, picture messaging, the internet that moves at lightning speed. It's just too much to fathom. It's really a shame, too, because you think about it and you go, it's a big deal to our society if an adult harms a kid. It's a big deal, man. I mean, you go to jail. You harm a kid. But what we don't really focus on is a kid harming another kid. You know, we just, we don't. We say it's part of growing up. Yeah, that's what parents would say. And I think that that's what a lot of adults would say. They would say, well, you can't punish these kids too harshly for bullying other kids because they're just kids. Kids will be kids. And I don't buy that. At my kid's school, the principal is there all the time. I mean, she's always out on the playground. They have all teachers watching the whole time. There's no bullying really going on. You know, and one thing I will say, kids are going to get in fights.
You know, kids are going to fight. They're going to fight in the schoolyard. They're going to fight about, you know, I remember my first day of school when we moved to Connecticut. I was nervous. I was one of the most popular kids at school in Texas. Moved to Connecticut, was hated. Instantly hated. Just for being the new kid. The new kid. Playing basketball. I'll never forget it till the day I die. This kid, Pete Kellogg, throws an elbow, hits me in the face. Pete. Yeah, Pete. So I go after. Come on, Pete. I grow after the guy. And we get in. freaking schoolyard brawl my first day of school. Right. I mean, that kind of stuff is going to happen. He wasn't bullying me. I don't think you can... You know what, though, bro? If you're going to have a zero tolerance with bullying, you can't, as the principal, go, hey, zero tolerance, you're out of here. But, but, but, but, fights are cool. No, fights are not cool. We both got in trouble, but fights are going to happen, period. How are you going to distinguish? You know what's a fight and what's somebody being bullied. You know. I mean, you know. I don't know. A lot of the bullying with me got turned into a fight. What did I get in a fight for? Because he elbowed me in the face when we were playing basketball, and I didn't like it. Sounds like he was bullying. No, he wasn't bullying. Bullying me was, you know, four dudes, like, pushing me into a locker, like, knocking my books down or something like that. That's bullying. I don't know. I don't know, because I had people that just get in my face, and we always got in a fight. We both got in trouble, but it was totally bullying. They were trying to keep me down. Maybe that's going to be the gray area. That's the gray area.
I mean, it'll never happen. You know what's funny is that at the school my kids go to, there's no football team, so there's less bullying. Oh, come on. I'm telling you. I don't think it's a direct correlation. They didn't have the same fights that I did. Oh, come on. Wait, you're saying that there's less bullying? There's less bullying. Why? There's no football team. There's no sports. That's a generalization that all football players are bullies. I'm just telling you where it came from. But you know that that isn't the only place that bullying comes from. I'm not saying it's the only, but it's definitely reduced it 100%. Bro, it's impossible to say that there's zero bullying. I mean, especially if you're not there. There's got to be. I mean, every school's got to have, to some extent, bullying. I don't know. We were pretty close. But I'll tell you, I mean, football is a good way for kids to get out their aggression in a controlled environment, I think. Yeah. And it builds camaraderie. I'd let my kids play football. I mean, they're going to wait a while. They're going to be playing when they're five, but... M1 Josh from Penasquitos, you there? Yeah, I'm right here. What do you think? In San Diego, and I think that this is a real issue. I completely agree with you. The problem is that what exactly is the issue? There's such a gray area, and you guys have been talking about it, as to what...
And I was just listening as I was on hold that you guys talking about the football issue. You also have this taking place in what I would call the intellectual community of a high school. Those really smart kids who aren't on a football team or anything like that, they have their own issues with bullying. And it is just, when it comes down to trying to decide what is and what is not, you enter into, and I heard one of you guys say it, an insanely gray area. And if decisions are going to be made and expulsions are going to be followed through with, you really need to decide what constitutes bullying. Because the other thing that has started to happen that I've started to see is that a lot of parents start to step in and say, I want this to happen because my child has been bullied. And when you look at what took place, it was really nothing more than one kid giving another kid a little bit of stick, maybe two or three times. And the parents want to start flying up red flags and wanting kids to be expelled and serious penalties to happen when it's nothing more than...
for lack of a better term, human nature playing out among youth. Yeah. Well, I mean, and I can tell you that Darun, Ravi, and Sarah Wee, or Molly Wee, were probably not football players at the University of Rutgers. Right. You know, it is. It happens in all walks of life. You know, the special ed kids probably bully other special ed kids. The football players bully other football players. Yeah. The intellectual kids, you know, bully the intellectual kids. Yeah. It just... It's such a vicious cycle. I mean, I was bullied when I was a kid. I hate it. I hate it. Like it drives me nuts to think about. And it's one of those things I've seen where when you try to, you know, for example, if you say it shouldn't happen on the football team, it's like squeezing a water balloon. You get rid of it in one spot, it's going to go to another. It doesn't really matter what people group you associate it with. The way teams are, it will always find a way to manifest itself in some other fashion, in some other subgroup. It's always going to happen. But it is on the rise. We lost a kid five years ago, blew his brains out because he was bullied. And it's just a matter of the kids need to find an outlet, and they need a safe outlet that is accessible and that's easily, easily found. The problem is there's a stigma associated with the kid who goes and says,
This is happening to me. I agree. Thank you, Josh. I appreciate the phone call. You know, the other big problem is, and we've seen this as we've watched on TV, a lot of the parents are bullies. You know, bullies, a lot of times their parents are bullies. And so that's a tough deal, too, because the parents are bullies. But I've said a ton of times, too, we're all grown-up little kids. A lot of times, you know. You're either good kid or you're bad kid. When I first came, when I first signed on here at FM 94.9, I very naively thought that it was going to be real smooth in terms of listeners. Me too. And what I found was that there were a lot of people that were on the FM 94.9 fan page. That were bullies. And I was kind of shocked by it because I saw that so many of them were grown up people. And I felt like a little kid. With children of their own. With kids of their own. Spewing venom. And I'm thinking in my head, I'm thinking, you know, these people that, you know, they don't know me. And these people that are saying these things that are really hurtful. Hurt my feelings. These people that are saying that.
they're raising little kids. They are a role model to little kids. And I'm thinking to myself, well, I wonder why we have that. And how is it possible that these grown-ups are saying stuff? To this day, I've never written anything on the fan page because I didn't want to make it worse. I didn't want to rouse them up more, but I thought... And especially as a dad that has a kid with autism, I remember very distinctly as I would read some of these comments and I would go there honestly about once a month because I couldn't take it. But I thought to myself, you know, I got a mom and dad and I'm glad my mom and dad aren't seeing this because it would break their heart to see people, grownups, adults. saying vicious, awful, mean stuff. Even people now, I know that there's, you know, people will say stuff, and I'm like, holy cow, you're going to have a kid, or you either have a kid or you're going to have a kid, you've got to teach your kid stuff. And you can't teach them that. Well, I know that L.O.B. and I...
when we first started it was the same for me all i knew is i got this call from mike to come join the show and i remember being in my office in dallas i'm looking at the computer and i'm listening online to 94.9 and what a badass station it was i was like oh my god just played social distortion oh they just played this this all these bands i love i'm like i have died and gone to heaven this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me it's a perfect fit and then we got here and i remember sitting in my apartment reading this stuff and responding to every single one, wanting to beat the crap out of these people. L.O.B. and I would come in and we'd talk in the morning. We were losing our minds. We were losing our minds. We were like, ask Jay. I was like, how can they say this stuff? They don't even know us. They've never even met us, you know? Spin you out for the whole day. The whole day. It would ruin my day. We're just like, man, I hope I find that. If I find that so-and-so. They're going to get the belt real good. You've got to take a deep breath, buddy. Come on. But no, it's that kind of stuff that perpetuates. I mean, that's exactly. It's cyber bullying. Say it to my face. What? Oh, no. Oh, boy. No, no, no. All right. Let's see what's going on in sports. What's on sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, San Diego is not the only place that it's pouring rain. Over in Wales, it is pouring rain. They have suspended the opening matches in the Ryder Cup.
You know, play started over there at 4.45 a.m. Eastern time. Oh, wow. It's 9.45 there, so they're about eight hours ahead of us. Yeah, so it would have been 1 a.m. here. Yeah, so Lee Westwood and Martin Kamer are already two up against Phil Mickelson and Dustin Johnson. Tiger Woods is paired with Steve Stricker. They are down one through three holes. Here's Tiger Woods on wanting to bring the Ryder Cup home, Cup 1. We just have to get it done. I mean, no matter who you go out there with, it's about holding shots. and basically beating your opponent. You just got to get the job done. And, yeah, certainly the captain does have a role in putting us together, but ultimately it's up to us in executing. Yeah, you got to go out and play. Do you guys hear, too, there may be a Tiger Woods six tape? Oh, no. Shocker. One of those girls. One of the girls. So she has one. She's trying to shop it right now. So that guy finally kind of came out of the woods a little bit. No pun intended. Right. Now he's like, are you kidding me? I'm sure his mind is not 100% on golf as it should be. But if you guys have never seen the Ryder Cup, I don't really like to watch golf on TV. I like to watch the Ryder Cup, man. It's the U.S. against Europe. It's really, really cool. Well, do we have any sad music you can play? Do we have some sad music?
I don't mean to throw you for a loop, but yeah. Padres are near elimination. That's fantastic. They lost last night 1-0. They are three games out of first with three games to play at San Francisco. Sounds promising. Atlanta, who's leading the wild card, are going to be taking on the Phillies, who have already clinched. So the Phillies are going to throw a couple minor leaguers that they've got down on the scrap heap. probably win a couple games and lock up the wild card. Padres' only shot is to win three in a row and then win a one-game playoff on Monday. Yeah, they closed out their home season yesterday. That's crazy! Before a robust crowd of 28,576, which is about 28,000 or 18,000 short of capacity on the last day of the year in a pennant race. Oh, wow.
That's not good, Woods. That's really bad. Good luck. That's really bad. Sucks. Did you guys hear this story? I almost died when I heard this. Chad Ochocinco put out a cereal, and everyone was really excited about Ochocinco cereal. So it was going to help feed the children the proceeds and stuff. Well, they put a number on the box. Yeah. It was a sex line number. What? They made a mistake. No. They made a mistake. No. Yeah, the 1-800-HELP-FTC. When you called that and you wanted to make a donation, it was a woman trying to get a sex chat started for $2.99 a minute. The actual number was 1-888-HELP-FTC. Way to go, Ocho Cinco. That's the worst. I know, but pretty funny.
You know that doesn't happen to you, LLB? Somebody that doesn't make their own cereal. He's trying to help. He's trying to help. And then, so we talked a little bit about Donovan McNabb. Donovan McNabb was traded to a division rival, the Washington Redskins. Well, he's going back to Philly this weekend. Philly. And he is going to play against his old team. He thinks that the Philly fans are going to welcome him with open arms. Here he is. Cut three. You know what? Hopefully cheers. About 11 years. Hopefully. Cheers. They booed Santa Claus. These are the fans that when Michael Irvin broke his neck on their field, they cheered. They didn't know he broke his neck. He was on a stretcher. And an ambulance. It's also the same Philly crowd that the day that he was drafted, and there he is on stage with his whole family, they were booing. They keep it real classy out there. And he thinks that they're going to cheer for him? It's been 11 great years, and, you know, I mean, you wouldn't expect me to say I'm going to get booed, do you? Yes, we do, Donovan. I mean, he might. We let him go. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he doesn't know that he played a few. Yeah. Maybe he doesn't know he plays for the Deadskins. Yeah, the division rival Redskins.
Oh, wow. Maybe they might not boo him. They're not going to cheer him. They might not boo him. Of course they're going to boo him. It will be a deafening roar of boos. I think so, too, dude. I really think so, too. But we let him go. Doesn't matter. They didn't like him when he was there. They never liked him when he was there. Yeah. They didn't like him when he was there. It depended on the day. Yeah, it really does. It depends on what time the game starts. If it's an early game, he's got a shot. If it's a late game, he's toast because they'll be hammered by them. And then finally, last story. Insane. Being from Dallas, there's a huge, huge weekend. It's called Texas OU Weekend, the Red River Shootout. Everybody from Norman, Oklahoma comes down to Dallas. Everybody from Austin, they all converge in Dallas. It's literally the crate. It's like Mardi Gras for two days. It's nuts. I can't believe I'm going to miss it this year because it's such a blast. So this wide receiver from... Oklahoma, reads about the UT shootings the other day and decides to get on Twitter and says, Hey, everyone in Austin, Texas, kill yourself. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, then five minutes later, he wrote, Everyone in Austin, disregard that last tweet. You will all mess around and do it. LMAO, which means laughing my ass off. Right. And then he got booted from the team indefinitely. His name is Jazz Reynolds.
And he wins the Moron of the Week award for sure. For sure. Oh, my gosh. That is not good. That is a bad idea. Our phone over here is 570-1949. This one's pretty good, too. Haven't heard about this already. LeBron James is taking some heat right now, no pun intended, because he thinks that it could have been his race that factored in. to why he was criticized for leaving Cleveland. And we have the audio and we'll play it next. That was fantastic. Welcome back. Just testing it out. Make sure it's still here. Still. Welcome back. Let's get a little coffee on it. That's right. Word of the day is rancid.
When you hear us say, well, when you hear me work the word rancid into a sentence, all you got to do is call 570-1949. And it's real easy. You win a four-pack of tickets to the Wild Animal Park. It's worth $160. And it's awesome. So get ready for it. Craig Gass will be in this hour. And he'll be doing all of his voice. You know, he came in a couple days ago. We still haven't even done Kinnison. It's the greatest. We still haven't done Kinnison with him. So we'll do some Kinnison. We will also play M1 Copycat with him. The way that M1 Copycat works is we get people on the phone, we reach into a little basket, pull out a name, and whatever we pull out, we have to imitate it. It gives me such stress. It's so stressful. You and Lauren do a lot of voices. I do a couple of voices that I ripped off. Great voices. But it really skeeves me out. This game makes me nervous. If you're new listening to The Mikey Show, there's five people on The Mikey Show. I'm the host. Woodsy's our sports guy. L.O.B.'s our assistant producer. Sienna's out on maternity leave. Jay's our producer. And our phone screener is Kraut. It's Kraut! That's Kraut. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. So, here's the thing that's out there right now. Oh, boy. Meredith Vieira.
She's on the Today Show, been on the Today Show for a long time. She replaced America's sweetheart. She replaced Katie Couric. And now the word is... Meredith out, Katie back in. That's the bombshell page six headline rocking New York that Meredith wants to leave to spend more time with her family. Does she? Does she or did the producers call her and go, hey, listen. You're going to spend some more time with your family. Hey, you don't really want to work here anymore, dude. Yeah. Don't you want to push your kids in the swing? Yes. You can't get these precious moments back. Just FYI. Yeah. Meanwhile, the ratings for the CBS Evening News haven't been the greatest with Katie Couric. And Katie could jump right back on the Today Show couch. Only we're on location as the news breaks and we've got them all. Meredith, Matt, and Al setting the record straight right here. Any truth to this? I'm very happy. I know nothing about Katie. Let her try. There's no way. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's the worst, by the way. You know, when you're hearing about how you may be replaced in a job and you're hearing about it through the media. I like Meredith better.
Yeah? I do, too. I like Meredith. I think she's good. I don't watch it. I'm working. Yeah. But when I've seen it. I've never seen it. Let's see. You don't have a TV. That is true. All right, so I want to get people's reaction to this. 570-1949. You can call us about this. Mikey, I'm not sure I am your typical listener. I'm 55 years old. My son Jason turned me on to your show, and he's the one who surprisingly suggested I write you. Oh, boy. I wonder... if I should continue for companionship. I do not want to grow old alone, and she's a wonderful person whom I love. What are your thoughts, new M1 old guy? Well, my thoughts are that all looks, no matter what, looks are not moving. Generally, looks are not moving.
towards healthier, younger, blah, blah, blah. For the most part, looks are moving towards gravity, sagging, wrinkles. That's where we go, you know? And so we have to look at the whole big picture. What's the most important thing? I've always said the most important thing is marrying your best friend, you know, because that's who you're going to be with for the rest of your life. But with that being said, I think that it is important to be physically attracted to somebody on at least some level. This guy says that he is not physically attracted to her. Now, I don't know if that means on a scale of 1 to 10, 0, or on a scale of 1 to 10, 1, 2, 3. I don't know. But he says he's not physically attracted to her. I think that you might save yourself and her.
A lot of heartache if you don't do that. If you don't put her through that. Because that's the other thing. I think she might pick up on it. But can't that come? Like, the attraction, can't that come from liking somebody's personality? I mean, I've found people more attractive when they're funnier or smarter. Let me add something to your question. Let's add a question to your question. Because that is great. It's a great question. Can the attraction come? Okay, well, here's my question to that. Is it different for men and women? Do men think of it differently than women do? Like, maybe for a woman, L.O.B. just admitted it, you know, she definitely finds a guy more attractive if he's nice, if he's funny, if he's, you know, whatever. How about, Woodsy, if you meet a girl, she's not attractive to you at all. As long as she makes you laugh, are you going to have, like, an attraction? No, I mean, here's my, the way I look at it is this. Lust fades and love grows, I think. Wow. That's actually, I'm going to put my copyright on that. Look at that. Because you know what, man? When you meet somebody and you fall in love with them, you want to be with them all the time. Yeah. And in a sexual way. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. The longer you're together, and the longer you're together, I think your love for each other grows and your companionship.
Like with my wife, I can't imagine. Like she said, hey, last night she had a friend in town and she stayed like downstairs with her friend. And I was up in my bedroom and I was like, wow, bored out of my skull. I have nobody to talk to. My wife, who's always here with me, isn't with me. And she's like, baby. And she can't. She says, I can give you like space from time. If you just want to stay up here and watch TV. Sometimes I go, no, I don't want that. I don't want you up here with me. Yeah. You know, because I'm used to having her there. You know, are we as hot and heavy as we were when we met? No, but nobody could be. Right. I mean, it was, you know, it's different. It's a different love. It's a different feeling. 570-194-9. Can you be in a relationship with somebody that you are not physically attracted to? I don't think so. Doesn't your libido fade? Yeah. Yeah, your libido fades, but I think you can still be attracted. Like, God, she is gorgeous. Yeah. You know? I mean, I think everybody, the older they get, the... lower their libido goes except for jay except for jay that's a caveat jay is the jay is the caveat but you know my wife is more beautiful now than when i met her because i know yeah great knockers great knockers but like you know when my wife walks in a room i'm still like damn i got that you know what i mean so i know you feel the same way yeah you know when rebecca walks in we're both mikey and i talk a lot about like
How it looks like a kidnapper. Yeah. And we're like, you know, when we were walking down the plane the other day, down the aisle of the plane, 50 dudes were like this, staring at her. And I was like, yeah, that's right. It's mine. It's mine. You know? 570-1949. M1 Philly from PB is online. What's up, dude? Not much. Well, I kind of had a question to kind of pose it the other way. Can't you meet someone you find ridiculously attractive? You think they're ridiculously attractive, but then you talk to them and you meet the personality and you're insanely repulsed by them. Oh, absolutely. I say that all the time. She was hot until I met her. I understand if it can go that way. Can it go the opposite? I know my fiancé, just like you were saying, there's days, just random days in the grocery store that I see her do something and I definitely feel like I fall more in love with her. Wow. Well, that's a good thing, man. That's a good thing. And, you know, I've dated girls that, you know, on a scale of one to 10, I was like, you know, attracted 10, you know, but you sit, you can't have a conversation with them. They're not into the same things you're into. They don't want to, they don't have your same dreams and passions and they don't care about what you're passionate about. M1 Heather from Carmel Valley is on the line either, Heather. Hi, how are you? We're good. Now, wait a minute. Are you?
saying that this is a former boyfriend or a current boyfriend? We've been together about three years. Oh, wow. Okay. And tell us about your situation. Well, I love this guy very much. And he likes me, you know, for companionship, I think. But he's made it very clear the whole time that he's very unattracted to me. Oh, boy. It's awful. It's just, you know, I really had a reaction to this conversation because it's just, it's not. It doesn't feel good at all. Okay, so you're... Now, when you say that he's made it clear, do you mean in so many words? Or he's actually told you, hey, listen, I'm not physically attracted to you, but I love you. That's exactly what he said. Oh, wow. In such a nice way. And as far as a physical relationship goes, we don't have that at all. Do you want that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we live together. So he's your boyfriend. Yeah. Wow. Now, OK, OK, OK. Let's rewind a little bit. Have you guys gone through a period where you used to be physical? We know we were physical too quickly. And I'm sure you wouldn't agree with that. And I would concur with that also. And I think that that's how we met. And I just kind of thought something would grow from that. And what did grow was we moved in together.
That's about it though. I mean, it was kind of weird because I thought we were going to have a physical relationship. I thought everything was fine, but he just cooled off almost immediately. How long have you guys been together? Almost three years. You've been together almost three years. How long was it until the conversation about how he wasn't physically attracted? Maybe about three months. Oh my goodness. Three months into it? Yeah, three months into it. And I just kind of thought that he would get over it or maybe he was just mad and had a temper. And it really actually surprised me. And I know that physically I'm not necessarily attractive to everyone or even myself, but I just thought that he would see beyond that. Well, Heather, can I ask you this? Why are you still in this thing? Why are you still hanging on?
I don't know. I can't get out. I feel almost like I'm being held hostage. Yeah. Hey, listen, I think that you sound like a sweet person and you don't want to be in that kind of a relationship. There are probably thousands of guys that find you... Gorgeous. And it's just about attraction to somebody. And this guy's apparently missing the boat on that. No question. For sure. You sound sexy. Hey, guess who just came in? You sound sexy. Yeah. Hey, listen. Tracy Morgan is completely into you. I want to make love to you. That's right. What is your name? Heather. Heather, can I sing to you? Please. Hello. Is it me you're looking for? Oh, wow. Because I wonder where you are. And I wonder what you do. And if you get rid of this jerk, I'll love you. Oh, that's beautiful. So gorgeous. Yes! Tracy, that's... This song makes me horny. So touchy. Heather, we wish you the best of luck. Keep your head up. Yeah, keep your head up. And we hope that you get out of that relationship. Maybe pack your bag.
Get with a hero and dump the zero. Yes. Good talking to you. Yeah. I believe it was the great vanilla ice that said it. Get with a hero and dump the zero. That's right. Something like that. Really awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Heather. Thank you, guys. Bye. There you go. Yeah. 5701949. Craig, can you move this way so I can see? Otherwise, I will not be able to see you. And I have to be able to see your gorgeous face. Your other left. Look at this. Craig, this is the sharpest. I don't know that I've ever seen Craig so sharp. Dude is all done up in like, you know, he's got a half a suit on. You're doing some TV this morning, right? I don't even know. Tie a tie. I was at a hotel in New York a couple of days ago and I had the Bellman tie the tie for me. He was like my dad. For real? Doing my tie. I don't know how to tie a tie. You probably want me to. Update it. I'll fix it. That's right. I'm hanging out here for a couple hours, and I'm going to the CW6. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where we were. Good people, man. Yeah, that's where we were. And it's fun, man. They're cool, and you're going to have a blast down there, man. I got a suit. I feel all sexy. Look at that. Look at that. Mr. Sexy hanging out in the studio. I like touching it. 5701949 is the number. M1 Patty from Carlsbad. Are you there? Hey, what's up? Not too much. What do you think?
Um, first of all, oh, Heather, Heather, pull up your panties and walk out the door. I mean, I don't mean to be mean, but three years and she knows what's going on. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. It just gets, I don't think that that situation gets better. And A, it's the classic deal of fast forward the tape. Where do you see that heading? You know, where, you know, if you're with, if you're with somebody who has flat out said to you, Listen, I love you, not attracted. Where does that go? She probably thinks, because women can do this, she probably thinks, oh, well, if he loves me enough, he'll change his mind, and all of a sudden I'll be the most beautiful woman in his eyes. Because that can happen, at least with women. I wonder if it's a financial thing, or anyway, to get off Heather. Hey, listen, I'll tell you this, too. When I was a teenager, I was, oh, man, how I put it. Fat. And I had a girl. I hear you, buddy. Yeah, Tom Arnold, you know what it's like, man. I was fat, and I got a comment, too, but I'm going to let you finish your thought because I think I can chime in here. She said, listen, she goes, if you lose weight, I think we can be together. Yeah. The problem was I could not lose weight. I love cheeseburgers, man. I was eating those cheeseburgers. That wasn't going to stop.
Yeah, and you know what? I don't know if you guys know, but I shouldn't even be here right now. I'm supposed to be in rehab. No, you're not. No, you're not. I was married to a girl named Roseanne. You remember. It's kind of like that old joke, by and large, the majority of women that want to hang out with me are by and large. They're huge. Okay. And that was the deal with Rosie. But the reason I got involved in that, I tell kids, if you're going to get married, Do it for cash. Get as much cash as you can. Get married for love as many times as you want. That's not something you want to tell the kids, Tom, but hey, listen. That's my advice, and that's what put me in rehab yesterday. That's right. Craig is with us, and we're going to be doing some stuff with Craig. We're going to do a little M1 copycat in a little bit. And we're all going to 4th and B tomorrow night. It's 4th and B events. That's right. And L.O.B. is going to perform. I don't know why my voice is cracking when I say L.O.B. Yeah. Sounds like you're going through the change. She has got an effect on a lot of men. Mostly black men. I got to fast forward the tape and realize it's not going to happen. By the way, speaking of black guys.
LeBron James says it's about him being a black guy that he took heat from leaving Cleveland. That's true. Yeah, we'll play you the audio of that. That's true. Coming up next. How come he's got to play basketball? Did I mess it up? Yep. You know that. Man. Come on, man. Let's try it again. How about this? Here we go. Really? Where is it? Really? Oh, it had a slow answer. Not slow. Is there a spaceship coming? I think so. Stroke nine letters. I had to take this antibiotic after I got my surgery. And sometimes antibiotics are the most disgusting thing. Craig, do you have problems taking medicine? No, I haven't yet. Yeah. Knock on wood. It's one of these deals where it just tastes filthy. Yeah. And I found this little...
pill holder and I had to bring in, you know, my Advil. I put that Advil in my mouth. Oh, where the antibiotics had been? Where the antibiotics had been. It was the most rancid taste of an Advil I had ever had. Ever. And I'm like, okay, I might as well put this in an incinerator now because I can never use it again. It's the filthy, it was the filthiest thing ever. I'm going to have to. Sorry. Go ahead, Tom. Tom Arnold here. Tom Arnold here. And I have to ask you to change the subject because, Mikey, what you're doing right now is you're doing something that's called a trigger point for us addicts. You're describing a situation that's actually very attractive to me. Yeah, I wasn't trying to make it attractive to you. I was at a meeting last night with Lou Dobbs. No, no, no. I probably shouldn't say that, but Lou is a big drinker. Anonymous. That's part of the NBA. He actually helped get Jimmy Carter sober, and Jimmy Carter was a big moonshine guy. Okay. I didn't know that. You want to tell people that, Tom. Yeah, you're right. I don't want to out anybody. Don't tell anybody. But, you know, I'm just saying that, you know, what you're saying has got to be, it's very tempting to me just to hear the conversation. Thank you, Tom. Thank you, Tom. I love cocaine. Okay. Celebrity voice impersonated. M1 Copycat is coming up in just a minute. M1 Matt from Carlsbad. Are you there? I am here. What was the word of the day? I would be rancid. That is correct.
Word of the day was rancid. Oh, so it was just part of a thing. It was a ruse. Oh, that's great. Are we still going to get cocaine? No, we're not. Okay, I'm sorry. Never were. Hang on the line just a moment, Matt. All right, will do. That is M1 Matt, who knew what the word of the day is and was very quick on the draw. Thank you very much, Matt. Matt Damon. No, not that much. It's a different Matt. Totally different, Matt. It was a different one. All right. Gotcha. Thank you so very, very much for my brain just went blank. The sandwiches. Gaglione, brother. Gaglione. Oh, my gosh. Are those the most delicious things I've ever had in my life, man. They are so hot. That Baja sandwich is so hot, but it's so delicious. It's the most delicious. sandwich in the world. It's authentic. I'm dying right now. From Philly. It's so good. I can't stop eating it. Oh, yeah. It's real good. So, LeBron James. Let me play you this LeBron James deal. LeBron was being interviewed with his manager and had this to say. Do you think there's a role that race plays in this? I think so at times. It's always a race factor.
It definitely played a role in some of the stuff coming out of the media and things that were written for sure. He thinks that it was his race that people were upset when he left Cleveland, which is weird. It's just a weird thought. I mean, maybe they were upset with you because. Well, he is like one of the only black players that was at Cleveland. That's true. Well, he's one of the only black players in the NBA. Man, and that, you know, it's going to be tough for him with that 50 some odd million. to get over this, you know, and to be like a featured player on a great team with two other great guys. I don't know about you guys. My heart is broken and it's bleeding for him today. I mean, Rosa Parks, if she was alive today, would be like, you know what, LeBron? I feel for you, dude. I really feel for you. If Rosa Parks was alive, she wouldn't even pass the ball. She's angry. That's right. She was a bit of a ball hog from what I heard. That's right. Yeah, but I'm sure she's like, gosh, LeBron, I'm just... I'm so sorry. Yeah. You know, Frederick Douglass, MLK, all those guys are like, dude, you've got it hard. Yeah. LeBron, you've got it real, real tough. Well, let me tell you, man, the dude has taken some real serious criticism for that. I mean, everybody is out on those comments. They're saying that it's because he's black. Yeah, that's what he's saying. They're mad at you because you were a great player and you left.
to go play in Miami. You were a hometown boy from Akron playing in your home state. That's why they're mad at you. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're a black guy. Nothing. They were sure. Did I ever tell you my favorite sports joke, basketball joke? No. It's an Adam Sandler joke. I think it's one of the greatest jokes I've ever heard. Can you do it as Sandler? Yeah, I'll do it as Adam Sandler. All right. I saw him when I was writing for Weekend Update. I heard about Sandler was going to be doing a stand-up gig in the village. So I went down and I saw him do stand-up. One of the jokes I did was, hey, so I saw that Will Chamberlain was the first guy to ever score 100 points all by himself in the NBA game. That's a true story. Will Chamberlain was the first guy to ever score 100 points all by himself, and I like to do my impression of one of Will's teammates during halftime. This is one of Will's teammates during halftime when he scored 100 points. All right, here we go. Hey, Will, I'm open. You passed the ball, bro. You got 64 points. Tom's got two, and it's only because you bounced the ball off.
My parents are here. That was good. I like to do my impression of the coach of the opposing team. This is the coach of the opposing team when Will Chamberlain scored 100 points. Here we go. Who's covering Wilt? In fact, maybe I should just go on stage tomorrow night and just do other people's material. There you go. Fourth and B tomorrow night, Craig Gass. L.O.B. is going to do a little set tomorrow, too. Special surprise guests. Jim Florentine called me up and asked me if he could come down and do a set. No way. Jim's filming a TV show up in L.A. this week and wanted to know if he could come down and do a set. A couple surprise guests. Nice. Dude, if you went on stage and did everybody else's material. You'd just be Dane Cook at that point. FourthNBEvents.com. I'll be doing Dane's entire act. M1 Copycat. Let's do a little M1 Copycat. 570-1949. Here's how it works. Here's how it works. All right, so we have a little basket.
We have a little basket. It's not fair we've got to play with a guy. I know. We've got to play with Craig. Hey, Woods, I need you to get one out in the ninth inning. They have a surprise player. His name is Alex Rodriguez. You've got to get him out. Right. No problem. Yeah. Well, here's how it works. Okay, you call us at 5701-949. And all you have to do is tell us who we're imitating. We're going to reach into a little basket, pull out a name, and we've got to do whatever we pull out. And these are just random celebrities. Craig, these are not even necessarily voices that you do. We're all on equal playing ground here. Are we? Whatever we pull out. We are. I mean, hey, some of them are females. Okay. Some of them are females. Sweet. I hope I pick a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 570-1949. Let's see. M1, Harold from San Marcos. You there? I'm here. All right, Harold. You just have to tell us. Who we're imitating. I'm going to start. I got the basket in my hand. I'm reaching in. I'm grabbing a piece of paper. I got it. Oh, boy. All right. Now, got to give you the ground rules. The ground rules are, can't use any other famous sayings. Can't you? Of the people that we're doing the impression of. Yeah. Your signature phrases. Can't do any signature phrases. Okay. All I can do is talk like the person. Okay? All I can do is talk like the person. Do we time this?
I can't remember. Or do we just do it? I don't remember. We had 30 seconds. We had 30 seconds. Okay. Here we go. I'm having a little problem here because I'm not sure where I can get a sandwich. And I've got to be able to get a sandwich in order to be able to go on stage. So hopefully I can find something a little bit later and heat down one of them sandwiches and it'll be real good. It's easy. Easy. I think. Easy. Harold? Oh, my God. Stumped. Really? I am. I'm totally stumped. Anybody have any guesses? Yeah. I do. I do. Yeah. Craig? Elvis? Elvis Presley. It was Elvis Presley. Oh, my God. It was Elvis Presley. You gave some real subtle hits down the sandwich. I was trying to be really, and in parentheses, Elvis not singing. Singing. Wow. So I had to talk.
Sorry. Sorry. We're going to win that. We got to win. Hello. Lemonade. The cool, refreshing drink. All right. Craig's up next. All right. So somebody's probably about to win. M1 Sanjaya from San Diego. Nice. Sanjaya, you there? Yeah. What up? He's pulled a name. He has looked at the name, and he cannot use any signature phrases that they use. And 30 seconds for you to guess, beginning now. Well, I, you know, I don't do monologues anymore because I am dead. What's your guess? Wow. Freaking can't put a name to it. Take a guess. It's a dead guy, huh? Take a guess. Oh, man. I'll give you a hint.
Tony Curtis? It's not, yeah. It's not Tony Curtis. Yeah, it's not Anna Nicole Smith. Recently deceased. Yeah. Quick on your feet over there, Sanjay. I like to play tennis, and a lot of people have impersonated me. I got it, I think. It's not George Burns. Go ahead, Wizzy. Is it Carson? Johnny Carson. I can guess him, I just can't do him. You know what sucks about that? There's probably two million people that do a phenomenal Johnny Carson impression. They've never tried to do a Johnny Carson impression. This game is the bane of my existence. M1 Katrina from Escondido, are you there? I'm here. All right, Woodsy just pulled his. Woodsy always stands up to do his impressions. He's got to stand up to do his impression. He's got his hand over his face, which is never a good sign. He's looking at the piece of paper. Oh, no. Oh, no. He pulled his, and he also drew a name. Yes. All right, here we go. He's slapping himself in the face. Hello? Hello? Hello? Oh, my gosh. Come into my house. Come into my house right now. You get into my house. You come into my studio. Come on, dude. Katrina, you got a guess? Hello?
Is that my neighbor in Spanish Harlem? Do you have a guest, Katrina? Do I have a guest? Yes. Do you want to come in and get high with me? Is it Cheech? Oh, God. Does anybody in the studio have a guest? Go ahead. What do you think? Ricky Ricardo? No. Ricky Ricardo? I'm done. I'm done. Let's get some more guests. What is it? Yes! That was it. It was Scarface. I thought it was Scarface, but that's a fictional character. Sorry about that, Katrina. It was Al Pacino, Scarface only. Al Pacino, Scarface only. Because he said, hello. Yeah. Subtle. Subtle. M1. You do this voice, you'll make him sound a little more angry. There you go. Now I sound like Sandler. You do this voice. You know you got to. Say it. M1AK from San Diego. You there? I am. All right, AK. L.O.B. has reached into the basket, drawn a name. She looks defeated. She looks defeated? Oh, yeah, she does. Shoulders are slumped. Her shoulders are slumped. I'm telling you that already. You got 30 seconds. It can't be so hard to do this without the signature. I know, the signature phrases. All right, you got 30 seconds. Go ahead, L.O.B. And the interesting thing is I want to.
I want to interview people and I want to give away prizes. I'm just so controversial and important. I don't know how to do this. M1AK, any guesses? I don't know the guy from The Price is Right. Very close. Anybody else have any guesses? Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey. It was Oprah. Is there any more in there? Are we done? Yeah, there's plenty. We got a couple more. M1, Ilana? Is it Ilana from Oceanside? Elena. Elena from Oceanside. Okay. This one I can do, I think. I think I can do this. Are you ready? We got 30 seconds. We got 30 seconds. Oh boy, if I can't, then I sound like a turd. Okay, here we go. I can't use...
any of my actual things when I do this. Rick Olsen? Yeah! Not bad. I'm so afraid she was going to say Christian Slater. I couldn't stop. We've got one more left. Hang in the line. M1 Squeaky Fart from Scripps Ranch. Are you there? You better be. Alright, dude. You got 30 seconds to hear Craig Gass do this voice and guess who it was. Can I just put out a disclaimer? That when I perform tomorrow night, I'm going to do good impressions. Give me some good voices. I mean, I am working on Family Guy now. I do voices and there's somebody out there who believes in me. The guy does incredible voices and we're going to do them here in just a second. This is not going to be one of them. It makes me feel better that it's hard for him. Listen, these are... It's so hard. We're always like... What's interesting about this voice is there are people who have done this and done this well. Here we go. Here's my impression. Today, I talked to a very important person. Somebody who has made a big name for themselves and I find them one of the most fascinating people on the planet. Today, I interview...
Osama Bin Laden. Osama, how did you get where you are today? 30 seconds. You are fascinating. That's 30 seconds. M1 squeaky fart. Who was that? That was good. The worst. Yes! Dude. Yes. I got to give you mad props because that's not a voice you do, bro. And you got it. There's another voice I don't do and I want to try it. Can I just try a bonus one for a listener? Can we get a listener on the phone? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get M1 Darling from Poway. Are you there, darling? I'm here. It's like M1 Babe. Are you there, darling? I'm here. Okay. Craig's going to do a voice for you. See if you can get it. Okay. All right. I'm going to tell you a story about three people who chose a new path. I got it. Mikey, Woods, and L.O.B. Dude, that's awesome. They picked that new path and took a turn to see where life could take them. I hope someday to meet up with them on that beach. I love it. I got it. I hope I do. Do you know who that is, darling? If I find my freedom. That's so great. That's great. No. Is that the guy who narrates The Big Lebowski? Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I'll give you a hint. I'm an old black man who cannot, even if I tried, tell a short story. Is it Morgan Freeman? Yeah! Morgan Freeman. That was good. Let me tell you. And on Saturday night, I'm going to take up two hours before L.O.B. gets on stage. I'm going to slow the pace of the show down. Tell one joke. That's great. Until people are begging for amphetamines. Dude, that was great. That was great. Okay, so there are a couple of other guests that Craig brought in with him that I want to talk to. Yes! There are some people that we didn't get a chance to talk to because they couldn't come in with you the last time you were here. So, here's what we're going to do. Quick time out, come back. When we come back, I would like to talk to Sam Kinison, who we haven't even talked to yet. So we'll talk to Kenison. I thought that dude was dead. No, he's still around. Is he on the ISDN live? Yeah, we got him on ISDN. We're still going to talk to him. And we're also going to talk to Lars Ulrich of Metallica. I don't like that. It's devil music. Why don't you bring him? Why can't you bring Shaka Khan in here? Hey, make some noise in here in the studio on a Friday. That's crazy. Hey, I'm shaking my pants off. Make some noise in the studio here, guys.
Craig Gass will be on the CW next hour, but we got him this hour. Yes, y'all. We got everybody. We got Tracy Morgan. We got Craig Gass. And we also have... Tom Arnold and I'm in a movie called The Stupids, which is available on DVD. Criterion Edition, right? Yep. And if you go get that at Blockbuster, you got to hurry because Blockbuster is closing down for business. There you go. We also have a large... Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken. That's right. Hi, Christopher. I wanted to tell some jokes. Oh, boy. I still haven't been confirmed to perform at 4th and B. I don't think you're going to. Tomorrow night. I'm hoping that if your audience likes my jokes, you'll call up 4th and B. Or go to the website and tell them that if I don't get on stage, you're going to burn the building down. Oh, wow. You can't actually threaten violence to somebody to get a gig. You just got to be funny, and then they hire you for the show. That's it, Tom. What is the website? If people want to go to the website.
It's the number four, fourthnbeevents.com. And if you get me hired, I'll do great jokes. Give me one. Let me open the show, and I'll do jokes like these. What route do crazy people take in the forest? I don't know. What route do crazy people take in the forest? The psychopath. Pow. That's a great joke. The pow. Why is the pow? Love is a pow. I don't care who you are. It's a great joke. Here's another great joke. Go ahead. That you can tell your kids. Okay. It's a joke. That is the greatest joke of all time. All right. I've actually heard this joke, and it is a pretty good joke. It's not just a setup and a punchline. It's actually a pretty funny joke, and I enjoyed it myself. You're taking his mic time, Tom. Yeah, please, shut up, Tom. You know, Tom, you keep talking because your mom is so fat that when she dances, the CD skips at the radio station. All right, you didn't have to go there, but I'd appreciate if you just get back to the original joke you were going to do. So here's the greatest joke of all time. It's a joke about the hunchback of Notre Dame. Go ahead. And I'm confident that when I get done telling this joke, not only am I going to be asked to open at 4th and B tomorrow night, but five people are going to drive off the road and hit people. Let's hear it. Oh, boy. It's a joke about the hunchback of Notre Dame who died. Yeah.
A tragic death. And I needed somebody to replace the hunchback and Notre Dame. But nobody wanted the job to ring the bell in the bell tower until one day a man showed up with no arms and said, I'm your guy. And the local fryer said, no offense, but you got no arms. You're a freak. You're going to ring the bell. And the guy said, watch me. And he ran up to the top of the bell tower. And this incredibly brave man with no arms started slamming his face into the bell. And the most beautiful sound. that anybody had ever heard, came out of the bell. And when he came back down, the local people said, you're the guy. You're going to replace the hunchback of Notre Dame. And he did until one fateful night, a stormy, rainy night with thunder and lightning, this brave man with no arms still trying to do his job to ring the bell so that everybody could be happy and feel joy in their hearts. He ran up to the top of the bell tower and slipped and fell and died and laid dead. in the middle of the village until the next morning when two local village people, I think it was the Indian in the police, saw his body. And one village person said to the other, who's this guy? He's dead. And the other one said, I don't know, but his face rings a bell. Wow. Holy.
I keep trying to figure out where that was going. That's the greatest joke I ever heard. That was a 12-minute long joke. That's the greatest joke I've ever heard. That came from the heart, Tracy. Yeah, it really did. That comes from the heart. That's right. Comedy comes from the heart. That's right. If you like that joke, you call up 4th & B at 619-231-4343. That's 231. 4343 or go to 4thandbeevents.com and tell them you want me to perform with Craig Gass in L.O.B. There you go. So, Craig, tell people the story about how you got to open for Metallica. It was the result of a prank phone call. Really? Yeah. I was in St. Louis. And I was doing a couple gigs there, and a friend of mine who I used to work with at a radio station in New York is now doing afternoons in St. Louis. And he said, dude, come by at the end of the week, Friday. I'll have you on for the entire show. And I get in my car, and I'm driving to the radio station. And as I'm driving, I hear that he has Lars Ulrich from Metallica on the phone, and he knows how exclusive this is. So he keeps Lars on the air for over an hour while I'm stuck in traffic.
Without playing any songs, without playing any commercials, and with no delay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So Lars is cursing every 10 words. And he's got no delay? He's got no delay, and Lars is cursing. And my buddy's just trying to tell him, like, hey, dude, hey, whoa, take it easy. We got no delay here. But he kept him on the phone. I get to the radio station. Lars is still on the phone. I walk into the studio. He's still on the phone. And I go, dude, am I still going on? And he goes, I can't get. rid of this guy. I don't even know how to... And we made a plan on how to get rid of Lars Ulrich while Lars was talking to St. Louis. He had no idea that people were plotting to get rid of him. Because he couldn't hear you guys? He was able to turn the mic so that they couldn't hear. Number one. And number two, he can carry a conversation by himself. 100%. So we're trying to plot on what to do and my buddy goes, you know what? I know what I'll do. I know what I'll do. And without even asking my permission, he goes, hey Lars, let me... Okay, but... I know. That's amazing. And let me just cut you off right there. For those of you just joining the broadcast, we have Lars Ulrich from Metallica on the phone from his house in San Francisco. And Lars, you're not going to believe this, but we have a couple celebrities in studio that want to say hi to you. We have Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons. And he's waving me towards the microphone. And I go, no, no. And he goes, we got Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons from Kiss in studio. And apparently they're mad at you and they want to talk to you. And Lars is going, is that really?
Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons from Kiss? Yeah, it is, guys, say hi. Hey, Lars, this is Paul Stanley. And this is Gene Simmons from Kiss. Now, I'm going to get right to the point, Lars. A lot of people steal from Kiss. You know it, I know it, and everybody knows it. But I think on the new Metallica record, I think you've gone a little too far. I'll give you a perfect example. Name one Metallica song that's totally original. any song give me a metallica off the new record and lars goes i think that i mean i think most of the songs on the new metallica record are pretty original right but if you had to name one song what song would be he goes i guess if i had yeah um i guess it would be um you know and he gave me a song title i go that's a great song lars but i'm gonna be honest with you i liked it a lot better the first time i heard it when it was called beth and he goes what How do you hear Beth? What are you talking about? I don't even...
When we write these songs, meet shapes. And he started arguing for like five, ten minutes with a fake Paul Stanley and a fake Gene Simmons. And then my buddy goes, hey, Lars, let me just interrupt you guys for one second. I don't want you guys to fight. But next door, we have a talk radio station next door that has a movie critic that comes in every Friday. And he gets real celebrities to come in and talk about the new movies that are coming out. And they actually have Christopher Walken. And he's walking in the studio right now. And Chris wanted to say hi to you. Is that really? Christopher Walken in the studio. Yeah, it is. Chris, say hi. Hi, Lars. I love Metallica because I love cocaine. And then we started talking to the fake Christopher Walken and they go, hey, Lars, you're not going to believe this. I know you had a big fight with the band Pantera. And he goes, what was the singer of Pantera? Wasn't like, right, but it was Phil Ensemble, right? Yeah, but salt water under the bridge, man. I saw, you know, well, because he's here. And I started doing Phil Ensemble. Hey, bro, listen. Bro. And so we kept this premise going. And then finally they go, hey, Lars, you're not going to believe this. Sam Kinison just walked in the studio. And I go, hey, Lars, this is Sam Kinison. I don't know if you remember this. But about 10 years ago, I left some drugs at your house. And I know you wouldn't. Let me take it back, you jerk. Oh, oh. Wow. And Lars just like, there's a long pause. And Lars goes.
Didn't that guy die like 10 years ago? And they go, yeah, well, all right, Lars, sorry. This is actually a comedian in studio. And I go, Lars, my name's Craig Gass. I'm sorry. That wasn't my idea. It was my buddy's idea. So please, I hope you have a good sense of humor about that. And he said, dude, what's up? So are you going to be in St. Louis when we get there? And I go, no, I actually, I live in New York. So I'm not going to be here for the show. And he said, well, dude, next time you come to a Metallica show. definitely look me up. I'd like to hang out with you, man. And I go, wow. And I was like, how cool is that? And I was like, man, what a payoff. And that in itself, I thought, was the coolest moment ever. Until a week later. At this time, I'm auditioning to be the sidekick, the comedic sidekick for the Howard Stern show, for Howard. Right. And the producer of the show came up to me a week later. His name's Gary Delabate. He walked up and he goes, Hey, Greg, it's Gary. Amazing. I just got off the phone with a guy from Electro Records. You're not going to believe this, but the guy's a metallic one. Apparently, somebody from Electro Records wanted to talk to me. I called this guy from Electro Records, and the guy said, I don't know.
who you are, but Lars wanted me to call you and find out what you're doing next weekend. Yeah. He said, I'm going to go visit my mom in Tucson. Why? And he said, well, Lars wants to fly you to Denver, and he wants you to do a radio show with him. Which we're going to do again later this year. Metallica, this kind of sounds kind of funny, but Metallica and I are going to be in Australia at the same time. Are you serious? And so we're going to do this radio show where Lars takes over a radio station for a couple hours. They syndicate it to a bunch of markets. Yeah. And without ever having met me, I was his comedic sidekick for this thing. Show in Denver? Well, it was in Denver. We syndicated it to 20 cities. Oh, man. And it's called Late Night with Lars. Lars came in. He took a two-minute crash course on how to run the board. Right. And he even ran the board himself. Wow. Not well, but he did it. He got kind of the hang of it. And we ended up hanging out that night. And then for the next couple weeks, he would invite me to come hang out, him and his wife at the time. And then they did a show in New York.
and they were coming to New York for the Video Music Awards, and they decided at the last minute to do a special show in New York City just for members of their Metallica fan club. Right. And I called up Lars, and I left him a message, and I said, hey, man, if you guys had any cojones at all, you would let a comedian open for Metallica. And I still have the voicemail. I saved it for all these years of Lars calling me back, and he said, hey, man, it's Lars. It always sounds like I have a cold. I just got your message. And, yeah, man, I talked to James and some of the other guys. And whatever it is you want to do, come in and do a couple, two, three sets of whatever. Or maybe you could do just a 15-minute set of whatever it is. And I got to open for Metallica. And the day of the show, Lars was on the air promoting. Your friend Craig Gass, who works here at the radio station, is opening for Metallica. And I called him up and said, Dude, can you please not announce that a comedian is opening up for you? Because if people come down to see the show, I'm going to get killed. I want this to be a surprise. I want to just walk out on stage. And he goes, Dude, you're overthinking it, man. I'll walk out on stage first. How about this, man? We'll turn the lights off and I'll walk on stage and I'll say, Hey, Metallica's about to come out and kick your ass in about...
15 minutes, but first I'm going to bring a good friend of mine who's going to tell you some jokes. And I was like, are you crazy? Are you nuts? And he's like, dude, it'll be great. And I was like, no, it will be, here, just give me the microphone. Give me the mic and let me walk on stage. And what I did is I walked out on stage and I announced that I was an employee of Metallica and the band had some special announcements. You may not be aware of this, but tonight, for the first time ever, Metallica is recording a live album tonight. And the place went, so I need your attention. I need your attention, please. There's a proper way to yell on a live album. So we need to rehearse how to yell on a live album. And they followed my instructions until my instructions got dumber and dumber. And I started throwing in jokes. That's great.
What each of the band members had requests that they wanted to do. And then I slowly went into my stand-up act and I got away with 15 minutes. And because of that... And they dug it? And they dug it. And because of that, a couple years later, I got a phone call to do a full tour with the band Alice in Chains to be their opening act. It's crazy. And I really think, dude... That's got to be one of the first times for a rock band, a comedian is opening a show. You know what I mean? But that's pretty cool. They're starting to warm up to that idea. My friend Big Jay Oakerson did a tour this summer with Korn and Rob Zombie. Which is crazy. I mean, you would just never think that that would be the deal. And I don't do nearly as good a Lars as you do, but I know the guy pretty well. And one of the things that I love that you do whenever you do the Lars imitation is the two, three. I feel like a part of his, a part of his vernacular is to go, yeah, it's like two, three times, you know, for whatever reason. His assistant has helped me work on my impression. Like, I'll go like, what should I do? And I go, dude, you gotta, you gotta spit on your peas and teeth. Yeah. And you always have to say, we're going to go over to Japan to do a couple, two, three Budokans. Yeah. Do a couple, two, three Osakas. That's great. Huh?
I remember when I went to the Metallica headquarters in San Francisco, I went there to hear some kind of monster before it came out. So he's standing at the board, which is maybe 12 times bigger than the board that I'm in front of now, with these gigantic studio monitors, and he starts playing the record. And I'm sitting there next to him, and I'm thinking to myself, I can't believe I'm sitting in this studio with Lars Ulrich listening to the new record. It hasn't come out yet. And he was talking to me while the record was playing so loud that my ears were going to breathe. And all I could hear was the record. And he would look at me and he would say something. I'd go. Yeah. For sure. Absolutely. Because I couldn't hear a word he was saying. And then he was done. He's like. album has balls, doesn't it? I was like, oh yeah, dude, it's great. That's the thing, when you go in a situation like that where you're playing loud music and somebody tries to talk to me, it's like, why are we having a conversation? I always have this move where I go, totally! Totally! And then sometimes I realize that it wasn't the proper response because they'll stare at me and go, what?
Yeah. What's totally? What does that mean? I don't know. Totally. I got to play this for you. 5701949 is our number. I mentioned that I was going to play this earlier. So everybody knows who Lorena Bobbitt is. She chopped off her husband's piece. Yes. Did a radio thing with John Bobbitt. You did? Yeah. Came in and did a radio piece with me. And he told me, I go, what's your favorite John Bobbitt joke that you've ever heard? And he told me the joke in first person. Oh, wow. Weirdest joke he goes. And he had no personality. Favorite joke? Oh, there's a lot of good ones. My favorite joke about me is, hey, did you hear they're going to make a movie about my life? Yeah. Robert De Niro's going to play me, and Joe Pesci's going to play my penis. That's a really, really good one, John. I'll be at 4th and B tomorrow night. 4thandbeevents.com. Tell me if this surprises you then. Listen to this. Lorraine and Bobbitt. Surprisingly, she says she still hears from John Bobbitt, who's gone on to star in porn movies, run a brothel, and has faced convictions on several domestic violence and theft charges. Good guy. He did porn movies and ran a brothel? Everyone wanted to see what a mutilated piece looks like. Oh my gosh. She says he regularly texts messages.
No! It says, why didn't you just kill me? Is that Tom Tom Girl? Is that Tom Tom Girl? First of all, Mikey, I have a lot more inflection than that, Mikey. The TomTom girl does have more inflection than that. In fact, I'm insulted, Mikey. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot worse. What did tech messages say? It hurts when I go number one. Insensitive idiot back then, so I ruin it. Yes, I was a bad husband. Despite the pain for it? A bad has-been. He's actually a really good husband, by the way. He's a really good husband. Their relationship ended. Lorena says she's relieved that John made a full recovery after his nine and a half hour surgery. Do you forgive him? I forgive him. Yes, I forgive him. But you haven't forgotten. But I haven't forgotten. Yeah. Ouch. Wait, wait, wait.
She went to jail, right? Yeah. She's out? I don't know how much time you do for 60 days. I mean, that's pretty whacked out. Like a traffic violation. Yeah, for sure. A little probation, do a little community service. A week per inch. Three weeks. I would have been there six months. Thank you. I feel bad for the guy because, you know, he's addicted to painkillers now, and I've been seeing him at the narcotics. No, you have not. It's true. Greg Brady's a sponsor. I don't even know what his name is. Greg Brady's a sponsor, and I'm working him through the program. It's a shame because he doesn't even say his real name at the meeting. He says, hi, I'm Greg Brady, and I'm an addict. Hey, Greg Brady. Hey, easy with the football, Greg Brady. 570-1949. Craig Gass, old friend, is going to be at 4th and B. LOB is going to be on stage tomorrow night, too. It's going to be a surprise guest. It's going to be great. It's going to be a packed house. Yeah. And you can get tickets. How do you get tickets? 4thandbeevents.com or call 4th and B at 619-231-4343. That's 619-231-4343.
four three four three or the number four fourth and be events.com and lob and myself are going to tell Dirty jokes. Just to give you a heads up. 100%. I will break out the dirty. I want to let people know that, yeah, there is, you know, this is a show that has language and is not a kid show. And so, yeah, the jokes told there are dirty, lest anybody be like, oh, it's just like the Mikey show. It's different a little bit. Craig and I are old friends. We've been friends for years. And Craig is always welcome to come in here. I love having him in. And if you want to see Craig on television, you're going to be able to in about an hour and a half. He's going to be on the CW. So a couple of things to do. Number one, I have got to read Woodsy's recap about his dream. And we'll get everybody's take on this dream. From last night? Yeah. Yeah, this is fantastic. And also.
Craig is hanging out with us. We're going to be hanging out with Craig until he has to go and do his TV appearance. Why did Fisher Price have to recall millions of toys? We'll tell you next. Make some noise in the studio. If you want to play Tom Tom Tunes, give us a call. 570-1949. Tom Tom Tunes is where we have the Tom Tom Girl read the lyrics of songs. But Tom Tom Girl, your inflection is not the same as like... You know, Robert Plant. Again, with the inflection, Mikey. That's the deal. You don't, you know, you don't sound like Robert Plant when you're doing Stairway to Heaven. I'm working on it, Mikey. Yeah. I'm going to a speech pathologist. You are? Yes, Mikey. Pathologist. Pathologist. I love it. You know, the thing is, though, it's part of your appeal. I mean, I think you sound great when you do your thing. I've been hit on by many men, Mikey. Yeah, you have. You have. You actually broke up with the movie phone guy. That's correct.
570-1949. Give us a call. Where'd that guy go? We could play a little Tom Tom tunes. He's in the voice graveyard. That is correct. That is correct. Not by my doing, by the way. I was just hanging out. Woods gets a little sensitive. Do I? Well, people hit you up and they tell you they don't like your voice. Maybe I slit their throat. Yeah, well. Wow. Nobody told you they didn't like Movie Phone Guy. Didn't they? Yourself. Didn't they? I don't know. You were harder on yourself than anybody else. Am I? Let's see. Okay, so tonight's 10 o'clock album is apparently the White Album. Or the 8 o'clock album, too. Did I say? They're going to do an 8 o'clock album. Well, I figured they'd do a 10 o'clock album two hours after the 8 o'clock album. We don't have... Do we not now? What is it? Now listen on the site. All right. Is it? Our PD's out of town. Garrett! Garrett! Garrett! Woodsy, why's Fisher Price recalled millions of toys? Yeah, about 10 million toys because they were dangerous to children. Go figure. What was on? Basically, these baby play areas, they have inflatable balls because of problems with choking. These kids were choking on these balls. Oh, boy. Yeah. Say what it really says. That's exactly what it says. Stop being a clown. I'm not. You guys are laughing. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. That's what I do. Little kids were choking on balls, and this is what happened. They had to recall these toys because the balls were making them choke.
Can I say something? Yes, Christopher Walken. You kids have no idea how good you have it. I lost three of my brothers in 1945 when they choked on some balls. It was a common thing. There'd be a couple things that would kill people when I was young. Polio, which I finally found a cure for, and choking on balls. Yeah. People would suffocate on balls. It was a common occurrence all the time. You know, Christopher, also, they found these valves in these children's mouths and three reports of a child beginning to choke, but also tricycles. They're taking back tricycles because of a protruding part that had cut these little children. You never know. You've got to tell kids today. You've got to stay off the Internet because someone's going to lure you away, and you don't know. You could end up choking on some balls while you're out there. Exactly. That's a terrible... Terrible thing. It's terrible. Ten million toys. Do they say which ones? Yeah, they don't give the exact name, but it's several types of baby play areas with inflatable balls. The bigger the balls, the bigger the hazards. Exactly. Yeah, I guess so. That is a true statement. I've heard that before. Oh, boy. What now, Captain Buzzkill? Someone's talking in my head. Who is this? It's Captain Buzzkill. This is Captain Buzzkill. Who is this? This is Christopher Walken. Did I serve in time with Vietnam with you?
No, I didn't serve in Vietnam with you, Mr. Walken. But Mr. Walken, he does play a Vietnam simulated video game on his computer, which to him kind of makes it like he was there. He sounded like a guy that I served with in Vietnam where we'd come back from having fun, trying to forget our battle time in the military. We'd go out drinking and we'd get some prostitutes and there'd always be this guy in the tent. Buzzkill, breathing down on necks and analyzing why we wanted to have fun. If it wasn't for the heroin, there'd be no fun in Vietnam. You think that's funny? You think it's funny to make fun of the fact that I never served in any war because I couldn't because of my hip? What's wrong with your hip? What happened to your hip? I injured it. And I'd rather not say how. Playing video games? How's he doing? Was it the Halo tournament? Was it practicing Taibo? Were you in an M.A. fight? Dungeons and Dragons? Extreme fighting. I slipped on an enchilada. What were you doing sniffing around Mikey's backyard? Why were you at Mikey's house?
That's racist against Latinos. Oh, boy. It's racist against Mikey. Mikey's not a Latino. Mikey's a Mexican-American. That's true. That's true. I think it's funny you make fun of children, and I don't think it's right for which to do that on the radio. What do you think is funny? What did I do? What is funny? Would you like to know something? Yes. I'm going to write your general manager. He doesn't care. Mr. R. Jackson. You said N. Jackson. Can I ask you a question? Yes, Mr. Walker. You got an unusual speech pattern when you talk. It's very weird. I'm just wondering, do you have any balls stuck in your throat? No, I don't. Yes, you do play with toys. World of Warcraft is not a toy. I hate you guys. You love us. You love us. You have Twilight dolls. I've seen them. Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? They're not dolls. They're figurines. Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? They sparkle. Figurines.
I'm Team Edwards. Stupid, why would I be Team Jacob? Can I make a request? For sure. About the music, will you please just play something off the air? Man, that buzzkill dude is angry. He is angry. Yeah, he is. He loves his music in the mornings, that's for sure. He still ain't hanging up. He's sad to steady. His cleat phone. Mom? No, it's still us. It's us talking about the balls in your throat. Hey, we're still on. We're still on, idiot. Hang up the phone. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. You hang up. Crazy. Hey. Hey. We're still here. 911. No, it's 911. Try to report us. Oh, my gosh. No, this is the AA hotline. You reached top. Hey, Mr. Arnold. How you doing, buddy?
Hey, you need some help? I'm a fan of yours, actually. Thank you. You're the one. Go ahead and talk to me. It's me and Pat O'Brien here on the phone lines. We're both sober people in recovery. Oh, this is the comedian again. He's out of his mind. He's lost it, dude. He's out of his mind. He is out of his mind. Nothing makes me have it in the work that guy up. I know. He hates us. We gotta do. I gotta read. Alright. I have to read about Woodsy's dream. I hope my wife isn't listening. Hey, Mike, are we going to play Tom-Tom tunes? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got people on the phone. Yeah, we got people. Let's do Tom-Tom tunes and then I'll do this. Let's see. Do I have a Tom-Tom tunes? Yes. Where is it? Array one. Array one. Oh, I don't think there's a, there's not an intro. No, there's not. Oh, but I got my Tom-Tom tunes up. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, cool. Let's see. We got M1 Scott on the line from Temecula. Are you there? Scott from Temecula. Are you on the line? Yes, I am. There you are. Okay. All right. So you get 30 seconds, okay? 30 seconds or until she stops, whichever comes first. And all you have to do is tell us a title or artist. That's all we need, okay? Okay. Hey, can I say something first? Yeah, sure. Thank you, bro. Thank you. I drive a truck all day, and just listening to you guys makes my day go by quicker. I really enjoy it. Thank you, man. Thank you. We appreciate it. All right. Okay, here we go. You got 30 seconds. TomTom, girl, begin.
Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates debate. Laugh about it. Shout about it. When you have got to choose. Everywhere you look at it, you lose. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Major Tom? Is this Major Tom? It's killing me! It's killing me! That was not Major Tom. That was Simon and Garfunkel. Oh, no. Mrs. Robinson. How do you say that baseball player's name again? Joe DiMaggio. Joe DiMaggio. Joe DiMaggio. That's fantastic. M1 Dane from Oceanside, you there? Yeah, good morning, Mikey Show. Good morning, Tracy. Good morning. Yes, y'all. What's up, white people? There you go. That's so awesome. All right, are you ready, Dane? Yeah. All right, 30 minutes or until she stops, whichever comes first. 30 seconds. 30 minutes. We're going to do the live days. You know how the game is played. We got a girl with no personality going to be reading. Yeah, exactly. We're just going to have her read The Stand by Stephen King. Yeah. All right, go ahead. Anytime you're ready, TomTom girl.
Watching, I keep waiting, still anticipating love. Never hesitating to become the fated ones. Turning and returning to some secret place to hide. Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say, take my breath away. All I need you to give me is the title of the song or the band that sings it. All right, this is going to be wrong. Here we go. That is not Michelle Branch. That was Berlin. Take my breath away. Berlin is my hometown. That's right. See? It's your hometown, man. You gotta love that. Sorry, Dane. This game is fascinating. I'd like to try to play. You want to try to play? I know lyrics to every song. I'll tell you what we'll do. Why don't we have...
Christopher Walken try one. And we'll have Tom Tom Girl try one. Tom Tom Girl, I'll tell you what. Why don't we have you, Christopher Walken, play for M1 James from Pacific Beach. Is that alright with you, James? Yeah, why not? I love Craig. Okay, cool. So here's how we're getting... Craig, it's Chris. It's Christopher Walken. I'm going to be performing at 4th and being on Saturday. I don't know anything about this creep you're talking about. Alright, so... Here's how we're going to do it. You've got 30 seconds, and we're going to have TomTomGirl read these lyrics. If you can get the lyrics, Christopher Walken, you will win for M1 James. I've actually got my own set of lyrics I wanted to read. Yeah, we will. For M1 James. Yeah, we will. We will. Go ahead. Will you not come see about me? I will be alone dancing you know it, baby. Tell me your troubles and doubts, giving me everything inside and out. Love is strange, so real in the dark. Think of the tender things that we were working on. Can you, Christopher Walken, give us title or artist on that to win for M1 James? I know the lyrics, but it's like I'm disoriented from that crazy voice. Yeah, yeah. Look who is talking. That's fantastic. Holy cow. I gotta be honest, I can pinpoint it when you do that crazy voice.
It is Simple Minds, Don't You Forget About Me. One of my favorite songs of all time. Hey, but wait. Don't worry. You have another chance to win, James, okay? All right. Now you're going to play with Christopher Walken. So Christopher Walken will now give you the lyrics to a song. And you tell us if you can get it in 30 seconds. Here we go. I like that boom, boom, pow. Them chickens jacking my style. Hey, try copy my swagger. I'm on that next stuff now. I'm so 3,008. You, you're so 2,000 and late. I got that boom, boom, boom. That future, boom, boom, boom. Let me get it now. Boom, boom, boom. Gotta get, get. Boom, boom, boom. Got a get-get. Boom, boom, boom. Got a get-get. Boom, boom, boom. Okay, that's quite enough. No, you got it. That's fine. If you want to get down. That's where he got the pal from. Put your hands in the air. That's where you get your pal. Let me say pal. M1 James, can you tell us what that was? I'm even better than the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, there you go. Very, very well done. Oh, boy. All right, and I had to hit the button.
That's fantastic. You know, can I just say that... Make sure you don't say anything bad. I just want to say a shout out to Judd Nelson and Michael Anthony Hall and the entire cast of Breakfast Club who hosted a Sunday meeting. No, you don't want to say that. The entire cast. It's the greatest meeting you've ever been to. They used to call it the Breakfast Club meeting and then the actual members of the Breakfast Club started showing up. And that's where it got kind of weird. And the principals... there. He's on heroin. M1 John from Coronado. Are you there? John, are you there? Hello. M1 John. M1 Zed. Zed's dead, baby. No, M1 Zed. Are you there? Or is this John? It's John. Okay, John. You ready? I am. I just wanted to say hey to Tracy. Yeah! What's up, white people? I just need to buy some weed. I'm going to be in a white van in the parking lot of 450. No, you're not, Tracy. I'm going to be selling weed and Barack Obama T-shirt. No, you're not. I'm going to be selling Barack Obama T-shirt. What just happened? That's ridiculous. He's insane. First of all, John, you're not buying any weed and Tracy's not selling any. I got to make some money. There was a strike last year. You ready to do Christopher Walken reading some lyrics? You try to tell us what this is. Are you ready, John? Sure. Oh, you don't have any more? I got lyrics. Go ahead. Go ahead.
All right. Here's a lyric. See if you can guess it. I like big butts. You cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face. You get sprung when you pull up tough because you notice that butt was stuffed. Even the jeans she's wearing. I'm hooked. I can't stop staring. Oh, baby. I want to get with you. And take your picture. My homeboy's trying to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so horny. Wow. M1 John, can you tell us what that was? That was a term mixed a lot. How can you tell? That is correct. That is correct. Hang on the line. You are a winner. What was the prize? What do we have as a prize, Jay? It's the Camperland. Camperman Beethoven. Okay, so Woods. Hi. Woods, last night. Hey, buddy. It was the night before last. Okay. I slept solo last night. This is what's great. And I want to get your opinion on this, Craig. And anybody in the studio and anybody that wants to call about this. Woods has a dream that his wife, Jamie, only had two toes on each feet. On each? Each foot. Each foot. The big toe and the little toe on each. Like she was going hang loose. Hang loose on each foot. Wow.
So, he says... That's a man who has no real troubles in life. Seriously, it's true. He says, it freaked me out so bad, I had to check in the morning to make sure everything was okay. He says, I was literally thinking in my dream that I had to move out because it was so skeevy. Isn't that terrible? He says, does this make me a giant jerk? I'm sure it does. We've talked about this before. Woods could not... If he had met his now wife and he found out that she had hang loose feet, he would not have been married to her to this day. I would have slept with her, but that's all I would have done. Of course. You do it for the story. Yeah, exactly. I slept with a girl with hang loose feet. Would you have a problem dating a girl? Yes. Why? Yes. She's hang loose feet. We live in San Diego. I'd be like, hey.
You need to put your Uggs on. We're going to go get some lunch. I need you to wear your Uggs. But, babe, it's 104 out. It's not like she's going to wear flip-flops. Yeah, she can't wear flip-flops. She's constantly giving the live long and prosper of her toes. Can't she... Wait. Can't she wear tennis shoes? Yes. She can wear Kivas. With her new husband. With her new husband. She can wear whatever she wants. Why? Yeah, what do you need her toes for? You know what I need her toes for. I actually don't. I don't want to. I will say this. I will say this. For me, it would make a woman more attractive. It would because I would think that she would love me more because she didn't have feet. Could she be insecure? Is there anything that could happen to your significant other that would make you leave them? Not now. You love them too much. Not now. Not now. When we were dating, maybe. I would have no problem. By maybe he means yes. By maybe I mean yes. You would not, Ella B. No, what do I need his feet for? So he can walk around like a normal person. He doesn't look like a two-toed sloth. Climb a tree. Climb a tree real good. What if you came home on a Sunday and he was sitting on the couch watching football?
Something really gross happened right now. What if you come home, he's got his feet up on the couch, you're angry at him, and it looks like you could kick a field goal between his feet. Then you resent the, you know what, I saw something on 2020 where they were doing couples counseling, and the wife and this couple happened to have an enormous nose. And they just had... A relationship that had deteriorated to just shouting every day. And they said, listen, so here's what their life is like. Here's some video examples of them just constantly being brutal to each other. Let's see if we can get some communication. And they said, okay, the husband and the wife, we want the wife to say what it is that you resent about him. She said, I resent that you're not there for me. I resent. And as she's saying stuff, she's getting him pumped up. And he's going, because he wants to combat everything she's saying. And they go, and now you. What do you resent about her? And he goes, I resent your nose. Wow. And it just went, and you could see the look on her face. And that's it. There's something about somebody that could be different, and it doesn't bother you, but if you get angry, maybe you dislike that thing even more. She'd be like, listen to me, you four-toed bastard. No, I would not. Get your feet off that coffee table. Yeah, but when you fight, sometimes people- You say mean stuff? I fight smart. I don't fight mean. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to anybody?
Lauren? I think probably like my little brother or something called him like a fathead. A fathead? That's the meanest thing you've ever said to somebody? Fathead. I don't know. I can't think. I'll bet there's somebody out there that knows something that you said they're still hanging on to. She's like, I called Mikey fat yesterday. Aside from that. I think I... You might have told members of my family I wish they were dead. Oh my gosh. Yeah, we've all done that. Who is more vicious as teenagers? Men or guys or girls? Guys. Guys? Yeah, women are later in life. I don't know. Women later in life. Women in their 20s. I'm telling you, dudes are way worse when they're younger. I'm telling you, when girls hit 13. Yeah. But you know what? You think about young boys picking on gay kids, you know, and they're really brutal because, you know, they're insecure. To their parents, girls are worse. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, that's what I meant. Oh, I'm sorry. In my house, there's two boys, three girls, and I will say the girls were a nightmare. Myself included. To the moms mostly, right?
Everyone. Really? Anyone that crossed their path. I hate you! Well, you kind of hate everything, right? I hate this family! I hate everything. It's killing me! It's killing me! Craig, have you heard it? The tattoo lady? No. Let me play it for you. We got a break first. We got a break. I know you got to go do TV. Yep. But... Big time. Let's do this. Let's do this. We'll take a quick time out. When we come back, I'm going to play for you. The lady getting the tattoo. We'll be back. Make some noise in the studio. Live studio audience. It's the Mikey Show. We'll be right back. Folks in the studio, let's hear it for Craig Gass. Craig is playing 4th and B tomorrow night, and Lauren O'Brien is going to be with him, which is going to be great. It's going to be good times. A couple of surprise guests. Jim Florentine says he wants to drive down from L.A. A couple guys said they want to drive down from L.A. to perform at the big show tomorrow, 4th and B. Great crowd, and it's always a fun time for me. My opening five, ten minutes, every time I perform in San Diego, love letter to the people of San Diego. Yeah. Nice. You do a whole thing on San Diego. I do a whole thing on San Diego. That goes my bit. All set. I want to live here. I want to move here, and I will. I'm going to live here eventually. I've got to see how far I can go with everything. It'd be awesome, man. Watch out for the Mexican food. I will move here eventually.
So what was the thing you want to play for me? This is a woman that is getting a tattoo and apparently does not have a very high tolerance for pain. It's killing me. It's killing me. I would love to have back-to-back Kennison with that. Sam Kennison walking into a tattoo shop. Hey, man, I've been looking through your designs, and I think I want to go with the Chinese symbols.
for patience and love. Yeah. I think I'm going to do that. Sounds good. Should I just sit down? Yeah, yeah, where do you want me to put it? If you could, I just like to get, I just, you know, I'm a guy who believes in patience and love. Okay, I'm going to put this on your arm. Is that cool? Yeah, because this kind of symbolizes my life. This is who I am. This is what I am to my friends. Patience and love and understanding. Hey. Hey! Hey, you jerk! Oh! Oh my God, what kind of sadistic punk are you? Oh! Oh, you jerk! Oh, I hate you! I hate you! Stop it! No! Oh, I hate your face! I hate your nose! I resent your nose! I love it. It's Greg Gass. Call back. That's right. All right, so I got to leave, and I'm going to be on Channel 6 here in about a half hour. Love it. And then this fall, I'll be making my debut on Family Guy and American Dad and The Cleveland Show. And then I'll call you with an update about my first movie role. Yeah. Which I'm supposed to be getting confirmation about today. Nice. And... Fourth and B. And Fourth and B tomorrow. Yeah. Fourth and B. Fourthandbeevents.com. Me.
Lauren, special guest, surprise guest, and a great show. And I love this city. I love this city. Thank you, dude. We love you, and we're so glad you came in. I know, man. And go to my Facebook page, and you'll see some amazing pictures on my Facebook page. I told you this story the other day about September 11th when Kanye was on my flight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kanye. You took a picture of Kanye. Yeah, it was just a lot of really random things I found myself in the middle of. Right. Go to my Facebook page under Craig Gass, Craig with a C, Gass with two S's, and I'll see you guys at 4th and B tomorrow night. Love you, buddy. Thank you, dude. It's Craig Gass. He is a lot of fun to have him on. I wish I could stay, man. Friday's my favorite show. I know, man. I know. We'll see you soon. Later. We'll see you soon. It's gross. Almost killed Craig Gass. Don't laugh at that. I love pizza about the vomit. Oh, my gosh. What happened? What happened? I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
What happened? Chris came in. As he was pulling it, Chris was pushing it. Oh, my gosh. Chris hates Craig, apparently. I don't know. Every time he's come in, he's done that. Poor Chris. He looks like he wants to die. He's beet red. I know. He's beet red. Why is it so funny? I know it. I know it. Want to let people know about our boy, Jared. Check out his website, createyourdesignonline.com. You talk about the most amazing graphic designer in the world. He is the best. Did my business cards. He does our billboards. He does our sticker design, our website, everything. And he does all that for you. So he can do it. I don't know if I can even mention what he's doing for me. I can't. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. I found out we can get in trouble for it. I'll feast on myself. Woodsy is going to tell us about BMW recalling 200,000.
Of their vehicles. Am I? Yeah, what's the deal? Why are they doing that? Yeah, they're recalling some vehicles and stuff. Uh-oh. Maybe give me some notice. Maybe give me some notice. Maybe give me some notice. There we go. It's killing me. It's killing me. They are recalling. Wait, wait, wait. I need my chicken. Just pushing all the buttons. I guess so. Just fun at some point. Go ahead, Woods. Sorry. No, no. Woods is checked out a little bit. Yeah, checked out. I'm checked in. Go ahead. We'll tell the story of what you did because the audience wants to know what you did during the break. You guys ready? They're recalling nearly 200,000 luxury vehicles. The BMW 5 Series, 6 Series, and 7 Series are being recalled because of leaks in their brakes. There's a million things. But if you want to know. Really what's going on. Go to their website or call them at 800-525-7417. Yeah, dude. If you're experiencing reduced power in your brakes, then you need to call because they may be recalling your ride. That's bad. Real good. They say what years? Yeah, dude. Let's see. You ready? Yeah. 2002 through 2008 BMW 745, 750, and 760. 2007, 2008 BMW Alpina B7. The 04 through the 2010 645i and 650.
The 2004, 2010, 545, and 550. And then also, this sucks for me because my Rolls Royce Phantom 2009 has to go in. I was going to say, you just named every car in my collection. 2003 through 2010. My Phantom, I guess I'm going to have to get back to the shop today. You are. For sure. So, Woodsy and I, for whatever reason, like to tease one another in the bathroom. Yeah. No good. You guys. And so I went into the bathroom. I went into a stall. And there I sat. And we'll just leave it at that. Oh, gosh. And Woods walks in to the bathroom. Now, all he knows is that I left the studio. And when I leave the studio, I usually only go to the bathroom. And so he walks in there and figures I'm the one that's in there. And so he goes, Mikey! And I stay completely quiet. Silent. And I know him so well. I know he's like, oh, God, that's not Mikey. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's our general manager. And so I'm like, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, and I'm like sniggling in there. I'm sniggling. And I go, I'm going to do another person's voice like they're answering the phone. No. And then he'll really believe that it was somebody else. And so I go.
And as soon as I did that, he loses it. And he starts laughing, right? So we're both laughing. I was sweating. Yeah. I was like, come on, man. Let's go. Let's go. He just wanted to get out of it. I wanted to go. You guys just chatted up in there all the time. Yeah. So we're both laughing. It's real funny. And Woods is like, ha, ha, ha. And he's leaving. And as he leaves, he shuts the light off. It's the blackest black. It's in the middle of the building. Yeah, you get in a coffin, there's more light in a coffin than in this bathroom. I'm not kidding. And I go, and I scream, I go, don't! Hey, I'm not kidding, don't! I'm not kidding, don't! Don't, boys! I go, when I walked out, I go, you don't need these, do you? And just click. Wait, wait, wait! Did you come back and turn them on? And I go, so I think in my head, I'm like... It doesn't matter. I got my cell phone in my pocket and I go, I don't have my cell phone in my pocket. It's in your office. It's my office. I don't have my cell phone. I'm in pitch black. Were you going to call for help? No, I was going to call 911. Jay, I need you to come in here for a minute. Jay, can you come in the bathroom and rescue me? I'm in stall number two. Isn't this how George Michael got a start? Yes. So I'm sitting there in the pitch black. And I'm like, this.
And I'm actually thinking this in my head. I'm like, I don't know what to do. This is a legitimate predicament. I'm legitimately, legitimately in a predicament. And frightened, probably. And frightened, because, you know, I'm in pitch black. It's like being in outer space. Pants around your ankles. Yeah. I'm picturing paranormal activity and, you know, hands around my face. Finally. he sniggles and turns the light on. It was about two minutes. You just let him sweat it out. For two minutes. I actually came back in the studio and then, being the good guy that I am, I go, you know, it would be my luck that he would trip. He just had surgery, and I would knock him out for six weeks, and I'd get crucified. So he turned the lights back on. But, oh, boy, that was a predicament. Such a prankster. That's, like, your favorite place to prank. I love the bathroom prank, L.O.B. It's pretty good. I tried to get L.O.B. once, too. Yeah, he opens up the ladies' room, the main door, and he'll be like, boop. While you're in there? Yeah. Holy cow. Or just knock.
What are you doing in there? Putting on makeup. Leave me alone. Why is the door shut? Leave me alone. That's so great. All right, we got two directions we can go. Do you want to do movie, plot, hot potato, or I'm so over it. We could do either one. How about hot potato? Let's do hot potato. 5701949. You want to win? You either pick Woods or you pick Jay. Movie plot hot potato works like this. They actually hold some sort of a device that acts as a hot potato. And they're going to, each of them have to describe to me the plot of a movie. As soon as I guess it, they can pass the hot potato on to the next guy. They got 60 seconds. And at the end of 60 seconds, whoever is holding that hot potato is the loser. The loser. The loser. So call us right now. 570-1949. You're either going to pick Jay or you're going to pick Woods. Hopefully there's movies that I know. Yeah, I hope so too. Yeah. 570-1949. I know, dude. I'm not very great at it. Maybe I don't get shot this week. Oh, yeah, we're going to shoot somebody. Oh, are we going to do that? Is that the deal? We'll have to move some people over. No, we usually shoot out in the hallway. Yeah, we'll shoot out in the hallway.
All right. We got the BB gun. Yeah, we're going to do it again because I'm going to win this time. All right, cool. Let's see. M1 Gumby is on the line from Rancho Bernardo. Who do you want? I want Jay. There you go. Hang on the line. Hang on the line. And M1 Rich from San Diego, you've got Woods, okay? Hang on the line. Okay. You guys ready? It's 60. Oh, it starts with Woods. I got it. Hold on. Move that. Move that. Move it. I can do it. I can do it. You get 60 seconds. I'm trying to help him. Are you ready? Are you ready? Yes. Here we go. Dustin Hoffman slays an old broad. The Graduate. Come on, dude. Stop. Give me that. Stanley Kubrick. It was about a war in Vietnam. The guy, the Joker. Yeah. Pyle. Full metal jacket. Yes. Jack Nicholson pretends to be crazy. The Shining. No, he goes to a loony bin.
Oh, oh, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Matthew Broderick, he's sick, and he sings a song out on the street on a parade. Oh, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Okay, Robert De Niro gives himself a mohawk. Oh, a taxi driver. Dustin Hoffman, excellent driver, definitely an excellent driver. Oh, Rayman. Okay, Jane Gumm. Science of the Lambs. It's a cartoon, it's about a rabbit, and I'm not bad, I'm only drawn that way. Oh, that's Jessica Rabbit, it's a... Oh my gosh. I'll give it to you. First rule of this is you don't talk about this. A fight club. Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan. I'll have what she's having. Oh, Harry. Two weeks in a row. Next week I get to go first. I had it too. I couldn't get it out. You guys were on fire. M1 Rich from San Diego. Assume the position. Are you there, Rich? You are a winner, my friend. Congratulations. That's right. We are shaking up the BB gun. Hang on the line, please. Shaking up the BB gun. Everybody is watching.
Here we go. Did he miss? We got one of the boys. Did it go through your pants? No, I got to say, the boys are hanging a little low. Yeah, Jay's a little older. So he shot about my knee level, and he got one of the boys. Maybe you start wearing a jock on Friday. Hey, maybe you don't try to hit right there. I always try to split the upright. Yeah, you know what? It's going to be game time next time. Oh, boy. That's not that bad, Mikey. That would entail you beating me, and that's not going to happen. Well, next week I get to go first. That was great. Hey, I... I'm just happy that I'm able to get some of these movies. Dude, you slayed those. That was awesome. The first time we ever played, I got one movie. One movie. Yeah. It was the worst. We were like, well, maybe we don't do this game again. We're like, come on, clown. I'm like, uh-uh. We're screaming at him. Idiot. I know the movie. I just can't think of it. I know this movie, though. I just don't know. It's the worst game we ever played. It was the worst. I decided to stick with 80s movies because that's about the time Mikey stopped watching movies. Yeah, that's true. It's very true.
Convinced my wife to be able to have say in our furniture last night. That was a big step for me. How much wine had she had to drink at that time? Right? Because that doesn't happen. She said she cares about two things. She wants the couch because we're going to get a couch. That was the deal. It's been five years. Everybody in the world likes our couch, except for me. You like our couch. I love it. It's about to be my couch. Yeah, giving it to you. Yes. Whoa. Yes. Score. Everybody likes that couch, except for me. I don't like it. I go, babe, let me show you an imitation of our couch. That's our couch. You think that about every couch. I know you do. I don't think that about it. How comfortable is that couch? It's not. He freaking hates it. I hate it. Four thumbs up over there. I hate it. I hate it. It's a fantastic couch. I'm telling you, the best couches cost about $100. That's it. They only cost about $100. Off Craigslist? I'm telling you, our friends Russ and Rachel have the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on in my life. My friends Joey and Chandler have the worst. They have the worst couch. Their couch is the worst. They are poor. Great friends, though. Every time.
Yeah, we meet at the coffee shop sometimes. That is a nice couch. That couch at Central Perk is amazing. Yeah, it is, it is. I bet they've never heard that. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Smelly Cat, that's a good song. She's quite the artist. So she says all she cares about is color and the fact that it's shaped like an L. That's it. L-shaped couch, perfect. Isn't yours L? Yeah, that's the deal. So she wants it to be an L shaped. And she wants to be able to pick the color. I'm going to see if I can keep dog pee off of this one. Oh, maybe I don't want that couch, Woods. No, you're going to have to do some work on it. It's not bad. You guys are all just doing a couch swap? Yeah. Jay's getting mine for Maddie. Yeah. Little does she know. And I'm taking mine. We're going to have a whole big couch party. Yeah. That couch of yours, the dogs have wee-weed on there quite a few times. No, but it's got the stain-resistant. thing and you just wipe it off, but it's still like it's got pee on it. Yeah. Oh, wow. You don't want to pee on it. Does it come off? Yeah, it comes off. It does? Yeah. As far as you know. Uh-huh. That's what I was going to say. Does it smell like pee when you come over there? Nuh-uh. Liar. It doesn't. Liar. I think Woods is in a mood. Yeah. What do you mean? I'm in a great mood. Friday, I'm about to go surfing real good. Are you? It's surfing weather. Look at that. No, it's perfect. No, yeah. It looks like cotton candy.
It's all glassy. My boy over here tells me it's all glassy today. There you go. All the way in. 5701949 is our number, and still a lot more program for you. What can we do? What do you want to do? I was just going to see. Oh, I know what we're going to do. We're going to pull out of the topic jar. Nice. When we come back, don't go away. Make some noise in here on a Friday, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. So, new movies coming out this weekend. Woodsy, what do we got coming out this weekend? Oh, all kinds of good stuff, pal. We got Case 39 with Renee Zellweger. That is a family social services worker who gets caught up in the case of a mysterious, troubled young girl. What she needs right now is a safe, supportive environment. Is it a girl movie or a scary movie? I think it's scary. I think that I can provide that for her. Do you live alone?
Just me. Just us. I had a bad dream. L.O.B. just jumped. It sounds good. You can't undo 10 years of trauma in six weeks. I went by the house. Nothing creepier in a creepier little girl. I know. Or kids in general. Yeah. Hello, Danny. Come play with us, Danny. The Shining. I crawl out of my skin. My wife's trying to watch it. She can't watch it because she gets that scene and turns it off. The red rum finger. But the two little twin girls. I don't like it when kids crawl or they do that weird walk thing. They walk fast for a second and then they walk fast again. You're like, okay, I'm out of here. Come play with us, daddy. Forever. I didn't like the girl who did the Welch's grape juice commercial. That's a commercial. She'd be like, it's delicious. That chick was creepy. You know what I'm talking about? Oh my gosh. And then it hits you right here. What else? What else out today? Let me in. Do you want to read the thing or do you want me to do it? Lonely 12-year-old boy befriends the strange new girl who's moved into his building only to discover that she's a vampire. I think we're obsessed with vampires. Blah! What else? The Social Network. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is the movie Justin Timberlake's in it. It's about the, you know, Facebook.
and how Facebook got formed, all that. Yeah, man, they had to come and ask me if I wanted to do it. And I said, hell yeah. Jesse Eisenberg's my boy, man. Justin Timberlake's a good actor. Hell yeah, I'm a good actor, man. I saw you in Alpha Dog. That's right. You know, in Alpha Dog, they said, what you need to do is you want to be, you're going to be playing a wannabe black guy who sells drugs. And I said, man, that ain't going to be too tough for me. I've been doing that since I was 14. For sure. For sure. You did great. Thanks, man. This is Jesse Eisenberg as the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg. People came to FaceMash in a stampede, right? Yeah. But it wasn't because they saw pictures of hot girls. You can go anywhere on the internet and see pictures of hot girls. It was because they saw pictures of girls that they knew. People want to go on the internet and check out their friends, so why not build a website that offers that friends, pictures, profiles, whatever you can... visit, browse around. Maybe it's someone you just met at a party. But I'm not talking about a dating site. I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online. Now here's the real Mark Zuckerberg.
A lot of it is fiction, but even the filmmakers will say that. They're trying to build a good story. I'm not going to promise you, this is my life, so I know it's not that dramatic. I don't know, I think you got it pretty good. Sounds like Zuckerberg's kind of got a little lower thing. Yeah, a little bit. Miss Piggy. So that's, those are new. That's your big. That's a big movie. That's your big stuff. There you go. Big stuff. Let's reach into the topic, Joe. You ready? Yeah. Let's see. Have you ever been escorted out by security? Come on. Who are you talking to? Woodsy. Yes. How many times? 30. Really? Oh, wow. Security would be a cop too, right? Right. Yeah. 30. So bars. Bars. The whole bit. Yeah. Yeah, parties. L-O-B? Yeah. You have? Yeah. You were escorted out by security? Unfortunately. For what? Fist fight. Throwing drinks in somebody's face. Oh, no. What did you do? Oh, wow. I've been actually a couple times. Dancing on the tables? No, I think about it. You've been escorted out by security more than once. I did throw a drink in somebody's face in Chicago. Oh, my gosh. And we were all asked to leave.
Kind of escorted out, but the one that sticks out, oh gosh, my sister's listening. Her bachelorette party, her and I got into a little bit. You and your sister. Yeah, but we were just being sisters being like, get off me. And they thought we were like cat fighting. And so they kicked you out. Yeah. That makes my mouth water. Oh my gosh. Both of us. And we were like, no, she's my sister. I've only been kicked out of one thing. I got kicked out of a Van Halen concert because I rushed the stage so many times and they kept saying, stop it. Let's be honest. Did you actually rest the stage? I sort of walked. Yeah, I walked to the stage. I sauntered the stage so many times that they finally kicked me out. You sashayed onto the stage so many times. Yes, I've been kicked out of clubs for fighting. Oh, wow. Not that it was my fault. I got hit first. I got picked up by the police and removed from a venue. Wow. That you got picked up there? Oh, yeah. They picked me up and took me away. Why? Why? I was underage. Oh. I've been busted for that, but I wasn't kicked out. Right. Me too.
What about your childhood? Wouldn't most people guess, Woods? That I was a little nerd, that all I liked to do was read books when I was a little kid. That is all I liked to do. Didn't hang out with other kids? Not really, man. I mean, I had friends, but I was happiest sitting in a chair reading a book. And at night, I would read in the car. I'd pull the glove compartment down to have that little light in, and I would sit my book right there, and I'd read on the drive home. I always had to have a book in my hand. It's pretty weird. L-O-B? Probably that I liked police academy movies and hip-hop. When you were a kid? I would not have guessed that about you. Yeah. I just emulated anything my older brother did, and he was into that stuff. So I was like, yeah, Heavy D and the Boys. Oh, my God. Jay, what's something about your childhood that most people wouldn't guess? Had a giant. case of Playboys. Weird. I just had Playboys coming up my ears. My mom didn't know either. See, I would guess that. Would you? Of course. It was an ultimate collection. If you had had a big collection of Shakespeare, nobody would believe that. Yeah. That was, yeah, I think that most people would not guess that I used to, I had a friend and we would burn porno magazines.
Sad. Out by the canal. Why? Because there were a bunch of them in there and we were setting stuff on fire. That's the last thing you burn when you're a kid. Yeah. Come on, Mikey. Well, there were so many of them. Really? There were so many of them. This is a devil's picture. Where's this porno creek? It wasn't like that. Where's this porno creek? It was in Yuma, Arizona. The only creek in Yuma. Yeah. Let's see. It's funny. Porno Creek. Porno Creek. We're going to head down to Porno Creek. Meet you guys at the Porno Creek later. What's the most likely reason you'd lose your job? Me? Oh, boy. You're thrown in jail. L.O.B.? Mouthing off. Mouthing off. Mouthing off. What's yours? All of us? No. What was it most? Probably because L.O.B., Woods, or Jay would mouth off and we would get fired for it. Yep. True. Oh, yeah. Really? What topic do you know more about than anyone else in the room? That's great, Woods. Oh, my God. I'm stumped. I mean, I guess I would say. The Yankees? Yeah, probably the Yankees. Yankees. Yeah. L.O.B. I think I'm going to say solitary confinement just because I watched a documentary on it yesterday. If you hadn't seen that documentary yesterday, is there something that you know a lot about that we'd be surprised to know that you know way more about it than any of us?
Be surprised to know about? Recycling. Recycling. Maybe running? Yeah, yeah. Eating right? That's probably right. Yeah, running. Running. There's a lot more strategy and stuff involved that you probably wouldn't know. In high school, she was a champ at that. Can you teach me to run faster at the first base? Mm-hmm. Can you? Yeah. Nice. That's cool. I'm slow as molasses. Jay? That's tough. It would have to be construction or figuring things out kind of thing. Yeah. And minus theology. I mean, people don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Man. I talked to a guy the other day because he had some questions. And he wrote and he was like, hey, you were talking about something the other day. You kind of glazed over and I have a couple of questions. So I called him and he was rattling off some stuff. And I did my version of, what's that movie that you love that's from Boston? Good Will Hunting? Yeah. Oh, you must be talking about. I see Sproul from the time that he was doing his first Reformed Theology. Oh, you mean next year you're going to be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talking about the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capitalization of military forming effects. You're going to be on that show. Game off the brothers. Maki, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robbie, Davey, and Brian. Do it again. Maki, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Timmy, Tommy, Davey, Johnny, and Brian. One more time. Maki, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Davey, Robbie, and Brian. I love it. I could hear him do that a million times. That's so great.
Let's see. If you had to obtain a million dollars by illegal means, how would you do it? I would embezzle it. Took him a lot of time to figure that out. I'm going to change mine. I'd blackmail somebody. Oh, wow. Wow. LLB? I would either become one or hire a card counter. Do something in the casinos. It's huge. Jaybird. Pose in Playboy. Or Playgirl. Playboy! That's legal. I can do both. That's legal, Jay. Not when I do it, baby. Okay. That's weird. That's creepy. A million dollars. You wouldn't do it. You don't do anything illegal. Yeah, don't do anything illegal. If you had to. If you had to. Somebody had a gun to your head. Counterfeit Bibles. Yeah. Counterfeit Bibles. That would be it. Jay, you figured it out. Let's see. Televangelist? That's lame. Not illegal. Isn't it? Some of these are just dumb. Really? Dude, I'm telling you, I'll read you the last one that I said no to. Which celebrity couple makes the least sense to you? Tom Cruise and Katie. We're skipping that. Should we have a national health care show? Oh my gosh. Go from the middle. Let me do that. That's where the gold's at. What secrets will you keep from your children? I don't know that we can stay on the air. We're probably listening.
Yeah, exactly. Okay, we'll just put that one right to the back. Rebecca's like, put it to the back, put it to the back, put it to the back, put it to the back. Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. What's an experience you've had that not many people know about? Haven't we basically said every single thing on the air? Some cannot be repeated, my friend. It was these two girls. That was Jay, by the way, honey. I can't read that. Cigarette pit. This is compelling. I hope Rick Jackson's listening again. Cool, you guys prepared? What'd you guys do this morning? Just go through some cards real sweetly? Cool. Cool. Here, I'm going to play some drops while we're waiting. Let's see. All right, this isn't bad. This one isn't bad. If you were going to get fat on your favorite snack foods, what'd they be? Cheesecake. That's good. I love it. Pizza.
Does that count as a snack food? Yeah. Over and over and over again. I like candy corn. Weirdo. Hi, I'm Jay. Can you save that clip? I'm 70 years old and the last person to eat candy corn in the world. I like candy corn and candy corn Netflix. Little kids from Halloween get candy corn and they're like, son of a bitch. I hate these things. And Jay's digging through the garbage going, oh look, another candy corn. Candy corn. Sweet, sugar-filled wax. That's what it is. He's like, no, no, no, you don't understand. I mean actual little corn. They don't make them like that anymore. You know what mine would be? Mine would 100% be those marshmallow rice crispy treats. That's the greatest thing ever. You got somebody you want to say happy birthday to? Yes, we want to say happy birthday to M1 Jocker. Nice. Jocker. Welcome back to Mikey's show. It's FM 94.9.
Welcome back. Our phone number here is 570-1949 if you want to give us a call. And if you want to text us, you could do that too. Text number here is 949mikey at gmail.com. And we got some stuff going on this weekend, right? Yeah. LLB? Well, turns out I'll be joining Craig Gass tomorrow night, 8 o'clock at 4th and B. You can get tickets at 4thandbeevents.com or 619-231-4343. Very cool. Yeah. Very cool. What's his plan tonight? Yeah, I got a big weekend, actually, man. Tonight, I'm going to go with my friends in this band, One Louder. They're the greatest guys. It's such a good cover band. Asked me if I'd come up and sing a couple songs with them, and I am so excited. So nervous. But it's going to be at Second Wind Navajo, which is 8515 Navajo Road in San Diego. It's at the corner of Navajo Road and Lake Mary Boulevard in San Carlos, North La Mesa. Show starts at 9. There's a $5 cover charge. You can't beat that. Come out and hang out with me. And then tomorrow, I'm also going to go check out LOB. I'm going to go see Craig Gass. And then Sunday is my triumphant return to the baseball diamond with the Tipsy Crows. It's been two weeks. You've got a lot going on this weekend. Yeah, big weekend. 1.30.
San Diego High. Very busy weekend. Also, I wanted to mention for a friend of ours, BJ. BJ McClain lost his mom. He's a big-time M1. Lost his mom, and they're going to be doing... a memorial for her on Monday, two o'clock at North coast church at their edge venue. And, uh, just wanted to remind people, um, about it because as a M one nation just want to show support. I think it's, he's a great guy, a good friend of our show. And, uh, our heart goes out to him and, uh, our, our prayers go out to him. And, um, this is going to be a memorial for his mom and it would mean a lot to him, uh, for people to come out and support him and support his mom. And, uh, we love that. And we wanted to do that. End of the show on Friday. The way that we end the show is I tell you a little bit about my history. And I've said this before, and if you're hearing my testimony for the first time, maybe you are, maybe you aren't. I kind of give a caveat. And what that is, is I've said before that I believe that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear. What I mean is, is that the next time you're mad about anything,
Ask yourself, am I hurt? Am I sad? Or am I afraid of something right now? There have been people in the past that have gotten angry when I've told you my story. It's interesting to me because when I tell you about the love that I have for my son, it doesn't anger you. But when I tell you this story, sometimes it does. I can understand and I think that... part of where it comes from is your past. And so today when I give you my testimony, I want to speak to that person and tell you that I understand, especially because of my past. I understand. There may have been a time in your past where if the topic or subject ever turned to God, it wasn't good. It was either shoved down your throat or it was presented to you in a way that
You just didn't like. And so when you hear it talked about on the radio, you think it's inappropriate and you don't want to hear it and I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I tell you my story because I know that there's a lot of people that feel the same way that I felt. And there's a part of my story that I want to share with you today that I don't know that I've ever said or I don't say. I certainly don't say nearly enough. My story is that from a very, very young age, I always, always felt different. I never, ever felt like a regular kid. I always felt like a weird kid and never felt like I fit in privately inside. I always, always felt alone. I always felt ugly. I never, ever.
Had self-esteem. There's always low self-esteem. And by the time I got into my 20s, I had plenty of past hurt, past sadness. And I was afraid of almost everything. I never felt safe. I've been addicted to almost everything. Alcohol, cocaine, methamphetamines, porno. I've been addicted to almost everything. I've been so lonely that I've been driving in my car. And just cried and cried and cried until I got to wherever I was driving. And then I stopped and I had to wipe my eyes off and try to get straight before I got out of the car so that nobody knew the way that I felt. I hid stuff like that from everybody. I hid the fact that I had eating disorders and I used to make myself throw up just so I could lose weight. I've had gastric bypass. I've been through so many different things in my life to try to fit in.
Because I felt weird, different, all the time. In 2003, I was addicted to alcohol and I gave my life to Jesus Christ. And everything started changing from that moment on. What I can tell you today, and this is the part that I don't say enough and that I don't say very often. I have confidence today. I mean that. I have confidence today. In fact, I couldn't tell you this unless I did. And that isn't me. That's a restored personality. That's a restored mind. That's God taking somebody that was completely void of care for anybody else but me and transforming me into something different. If you go to my website and you're suffering from addiction, depression, eating disorders, or any of that kind of stuff, or...
If you feel like today, as I was telling you this story, I was talking directly to you, go to Mikey show.com. M I K E Y S H O W.com. Go to Mikey show.com and click on the help section. And you can find all kinds of resources to all the different things that I've talked about today. But what I can tell you is that I have been changed and restored because of the work that he's done in me. At the end of the show on Friday, I play a song. And the song is meant to give you hope. Listen to the words. Listen to the lyrics of the song. And hopefully you can find some hope in it. It's by a band called Third Day. And the song is called Tunnel. Have a great weekend. Go see Woodsy tonight. Go see L.O.B. this weekend. And thank you for tuning in. Hillary's up next. We'll see you on Monday when Mikey shows up.
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.