The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/04/10

0:59Monday, right? Somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Oh, really? It's a Mikey show here on a Monday, and you're free to call in and say hi. Talk about the weekend. Talk about seeing Woodsy play and see L.O.B. play on Friday and Saturday night. We'll be talking about it. You could talk Padre baseball. You could talk Charger football. You can talk whatever you want. You can talk smack. You can talk English. You can talk jive. You can talk jive. Can we talk about sex, baby? No. What? Sex, baby. Let's talk about sex, baby. Talk about my bar tab. I thought it'd be a good idea to buy drinks for everybody at the bar. Did you really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mr. Big Time. Try to big time everybody. Oh, wow. Yeah, who wants shots on me? Oh, wow. Everybody feast on these. Oh, man. Yeah.

2:05Oh, my goodness. I thought I'd be big-timing everybody. Oh. I love the picture of you on Facebook and the crazy dance. Yeah, I was. Aw. That's embarrassing. No, it's not. The picture of you in the car was good, too. Car? No, I wasn't passed out. I was doing the. She just took a picture of the side of my head. I was looking out the window. Oh, it looked like you were looking at the roof of the car. No, I was looking outside like this. Oh. Yeah. Real sweet. Real sweetly. 5701949 if you want to call in. You call in about anything. Anything you want. You know, call me out, pal. All right. I just did. You were looking at the roof of the car. No, I wasn't. It looked like you were wasted. No, I was sober. Yeah? No, it looked like it. I was sober. I had a few, so I didn't drive home. Yeah, it was good. Smart. Yeah, I thought so, too. Absolutely. You know, you had a DD. Now, had you seen me holding the wheel looking at me, that would have been a problem. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, look, I'm proud of Woods. I DD'd it both. I was, Winder was the DD Friday and I was the DD Saturday. I drank a half a beer at L.O.B.'s thing and had three Coca-Colas that were delicious. There you go. Four dollars a piece. Yeah, four bucks a piece. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Moonders. I'm just saying, man. I'm just proud of you. Yeah, I thought it would be really, because a lot of listeners came out. It was fun.

3:21They drove far. I was like, well, at least I can buy you guys a couple drinks. Wow. You got my tab, fresh 170. Oh, my goodness. That's really not too bad. No. Really? I thought it'd be 1,000. No, come on. 170 is a good-sized bar tab. Way bigger than any bar tab I've ever personally had. Wow, you're a girl. 5701949. Are there even any females out there that have ever actually hated a bar tab? Oh, yeah. Had their own bar tab. Yeah. You don't see a lot of girls, though, going, hey, listen, drinks on me. Everybody, you don't see that happen a lot. I did that when I went to my brother. I went back to visit my brother in college, same school I went to, and there all the drinks are like, it's like $3 for a top-shelf drink. So I was like big-timing everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Guess who's on the phone? Who's that? All the way from Costa Rica, it's M1. H.M. Rojas. H.M. Rojas. How's that? How you doing? What are you up to? Well, I'm sick today, so I can't go teach. There you go. It's because we have to wear dresses every day, and we're in the rainy season, and I just get sick every month here. What time is it in Costa Rica? It's only 7. 7 a.m.? That's not bad. Yeah, so I get to hear you guys.

4:45Like a little later. What year is it? What day is it there? That's right. How come you have to wear a dress? You got to wear a dress to teach? It's a really stupid Baptist school. No, it's not. Just a rule at the school. It's a rule here. I mean, that's why I'm wearing it. I'm not liking Kristen, so that's great. That's why I have to wear a dress. It's a rule. It's a rule. We were wondering about that one. I still have on my summer dresses, which I don't think is a good idea because it's getting chillier and rainy. No, we're white, Mike. Stop wearing your white dresses. I know. And your white pants that you always wear. Totally out of season. I know. And your white shoes. And your white jeans. That's right. Your white patent leather shoes. You've got nice gams. Thank you. Thank you, Jay. What the heck? It's weird old Uncle Jay. It's a lot of fun here in the morning on the Nike show, so. Gams. What, in 1940? Yeah. You've got nice gams. You've got nice gams. Get that girl on a Shirley Temple. Don't let her drink. Well, we love you, HM, and we're glad you're calling. Feel better. I love you, too. This is the first time I've called, and I've been listening for like six years or something like that. Love it. Holler. Started the week off right. You got a cold, or what do you got? Yeah, I have a cold. Whoa. Your phone just flipped out, lady. You must have an iPhone. Are you calling us on Skype or something?

6:14Yeah, I'm calling some Skype. Oh, that's cool. I don't even know what happened. Do you have the cocktail flu today, HM? No, no. Were you out partying last night? You rascal? Some Costa Rican rum, real good. Yeah. That's what you were doing. Were you drinking rum out of a hollowed out pineapple last night? On a Sunday. On a Sunday? Partying it up real good? Whoa, whoa, calm down. That's great. You take care. Don't tempt us. Maybe we will. We broadcast from that thing that you're on. I know it. This is Mikey. It's me calling from Costa Rica on Skype. Is this Mikey? Where did you go to Costa Rica? We're just sitting here on Skype in Costa Rica. That thing sounds crazy. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you. We love you, HM. Bye, HM. Bye. We'll see you. Oh, that's funny. Maybe we already lost the connection. The Skype connection.

7:37Call us. 570-1949 is the number. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. Sienna's out on maternity leave. Jay is our producer. And it's Will. It's Will. It's Will, our phone screener in the other room. Word of the day, conundrum. The word of the day today is conundrum. And, Jay, what's the prize? SeaWorld four-pack. Nice. SeaWorld four-pack. And it's worth a lot. SeaWorld. It's worth $200. $36, and you get to enjoy their Halloween spooktacular. SeaWorld is fun. I went there a couple weeks ago, and I didn't realize how much there was to do there. It was a ton. We were in our growth group last week, and the question was asked if you had to work at SeaWorld or Disneyland, which would you work at? And everybody was saying Disneyland, and they were all like, wouldn't want to work at, including my wife. They were all like, wouldn't want to work at SeaWorld because of. You know, the animals and captivity. And they got around to me. Everybody who's seen Disneyland got around to me and I was like, I work at SeaWorld. I don't have a problem with it. Listen, those things are well fed. Last time I checked, they're not paying any rent. Get nice fresh sardines every day. Sardines. You know what they do for a living? They jump through hoops. I'd like to jump to a hoop. Yeah, would you? Yeah, it wouldn't be so bad. Selfishly, I would think of myself.

8:55Um, weird. Because I wouldn't want to work at SeaWorld because it's a lot smaller and I wouldn't have to walk, like, as far. You got me there, too. And I wouldn't chafe and stuff. Sounds good. It wouldn't be as hot. It's bigger than you'd think. SeaWorld does a ton of rescue stuff, too, for injured animals. Yeah. Disneyland's massive, though. They'd be like, all right, Woods, you're on the East Quadrant today. I'd be like, that's four miles. We're going to need you to be happy today. Yeah, we need you to be happy. You're like, great. Great. Let me take the tram. Yeah, I'm going to take the tram over. Call me a cab. Uh-huh. To work over there on that part? Give me a segue. A segue. For sure. Yeah, I'd be all chafed. It'd be a terrible, terrible thing. It wouldn't work good for you. No. Incorporator at 730. Yeah. Woodsy will be calling a Halloween supply place. Nice. And Woodsy will have to work in about eight words into a sentence. Yep. Or into a conversation. Into a sentence. Working eight words into a sentence ain't too hard. That would be a little bit tougher. Working eight words into, eight random words into a conversation is hard. So Woodsy will give it a shot in just a little bit. Call us up if you want, 570-1949. We heard from M1 Nubian Prince on Friday from Mira Mesa. Your son had the baby, right? Not too much. Okay, I'm from Cervantes. I missed you guys so bad. You know, Lauren.

10:18And then, yeah, I'm sorry, Lauren. I'm still going to see you, girl, for real. I promise. Oh, my gosh. What, Lauren? What am I missing? I don't know. I promised her on Facebook that I was going to promise, you know, to go to see her, you know, when she's on the show. Oh, her show. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah, I'm sorry, man. I'm just half asleep right now. My bad. What were you calling about, Nubian Prince? Hey, my friend had, my friend Doralyn had her baby this weekend, and she hid the name her and her husband. No way. Are you kidding? Is it a little girl? A little girl. Jedi. Wow, that's kind of badass. Yeah, in a way. I mean, it's crazy. Dude. Jedi. Jedi. For a girl, that's pretty cool. Yeah. In a way, it kind of is. A boy would get beaten up. Yeah, a girl. A girl will not. Hey, thanks for the call, bro. Hey, I love you guys. Love you. Bye. So let's talk about the weekend because L.O.B. performed at 4th and B with Craig Gass on Saturday night. And how did it go, L.O.B.? It was great. Yeah? It was insanity. I was just like, I kept watching.

11:38To see, like, oh, man, I wonder how many people are going to show up. Yeah. It just kept coming and coming. It was packed. Oh, my gosh. It was packed. There was, like, once I was out on stage, I realized there was a whole balcony section where people were. Oh, wow, man. All the way up to the back, because Craig had performed there before, and he said, there's a whole back section. He's like, I don't know, just depending on how many tickets, we might have to use this back section. The whole back section was filled, balcony filled. Wow. They brought out extra chairs all around the outside. People could just put chairs everywhere. Side balconies were filled. It was crazy. They started it later because there's still so many people in line when it was supposed to start that they were like, well, let's just give everybody a chance to come in and sit down. The line was wrapped around the building. I had to walk around the building, and it was all M1s just all the way down the line. Hey, Jay. That is great. It was insane. M1s came out in full support. That's so cool. L.O.B., were you super nervous or were you okay? I was really, you know, I was more nervous for my comedy store gig because it was my first time back on stage in so long. Yeah. But I was still pretty nervous for this. Yeah. And then, like, I always think right before I go on stage, oh, my gosh, I forgot my whole act. Yeah. So I walked out on stage and, like, he introduced me and said, you know, Lauren O'Brien, best known as L.O.B. from The Mikey Show. And I heard people go, ah.

13:00Yeah. He couldn't even get the words out of his mouth, dude, before the place ripped up an applause. Yeah. That's great. So I just got like this huge smile on my face and I was like, all right, I'm here with my friends. That's awesome. So yeah, it went pretty well. I forgot some of the things I was supposed to do. I sped up some things, but overall it went pretty well. That's great. I was so impressed, man. I really was. I was sitting there and I was front row center. I could hear Woods the whole time. It was so calming. It was seriously so calming because I'm like, you know, there's 600 plus people there, but I could hear Woods just every joke. That's great. Just cackling. So nice to be like, okay, no matter what, just focus in. Woods is laughing. I mean, I played some gigs before that I had, you know, a couple 300, 400 people at maybe. Maybe not even that big. Maybe just a couple hundred was the most. Sick to my stomach, you know, sick to my stomach and shaking the whole time. L.O.B. came out and was just kind of had this like Jersey attitude and was like, I'm going to slay you guys. She looked like a rock star, too. She did, man. She looked perfect. She killed it. Then she's doing downward facing dog on stage. I did. She did downward facing dog. A little yoga move and these tight ass pants. And all these dudes are like, yeah. I think the biggest applause I got all night, I was like, so I'm single again. People were like, yeah.

14:25That's so great. I should have just left on a high note. Okay, I'm out. That's my time, guys. Oh, I'm so proud of you. That was great. It was. It was pretty cool. That's great. It was dirty, dude. Not hers, per se, but the rest. Oh, my God. Yeah. I had my head in my hands. It made me skeevy. Yeah. I don't really get skeeved out by dirty stuff. I was like. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I'm looking over at my boys. I was putting my head in my hands a lot, too. Like, wow. Wow. Woodsy had a moment, too, because he played on Friday night with the guys from the band One Louder. Yeah, I had a blast, man. These guys, I'll tell you what. I walk into this bar, and these guys have full-on Marshall Stack amps, full, full drum kit. And I mean, like, Neil Peart kit. The thing I love about these guys is they play every gig like it's Madison Square Garden. I mean, they just sell out. The lead singer, Joel, I mean, dances, you know, gets into it, gets the crowd worked up. So they called me on in the middle of the second set, and I did three STP songs, and I was okay. I mean, I didn't do really that well. Maybe you don't have 15 drinks before you get on stage.

15:35Scott Weiland actually called me and said, don't drink so much before a gig. But I think I did okay. But the freaking cord from the microphone kept falling out. So he'd have to throw me his mic. It was whatever, man. It was my fault. But we had a blast. These guys are the greatest. They're so much fun. And they just give every single, they give everything. When they play. One of the guys from the band is on the line. No way. M11 louder. What's up, dude? Hey, what's up, Mikey? This is Joel from One Loud. Yeah, dude. He's so great. Your boy was fantastic. He's selling himself short. Oh, yeah, he's great. I'm sure he is selling himself short. That's what he does. Well, I did. He did a great job. I'm sure he did. His violin was spot on. It was fabulous. Did you like the dance? The last song was Vaseline, and I go, well. I promised my wife I wouldn't do this, but I'm going to do it anyway. And did the full on Weiland, you know. I saw a little video on Facebook, but I couldn't really see it. I figured that's what he was doing. Oh, that's great. She was mortified. It was excellent, man. She should be proud. Thank you, dude. I'm sure she was. Thanks, Joel. You guys were great, man. Love you, bro. Thanks for coming out. That was such a good time. My pleasure, dude. Thank you. Thanks, man.

16:52We'll see you. That's Joel from the band One Louder. Word of the day conundrum. When you hear me work that into a sentence, okay? Caller 9 will win a four-pack of SeaWorld tickets worth $236 a lot. And then the Incorporator at $730. So the Padres lost yesterday. They had to win all three games. Almost did. They won two of them. Had to win yesterday in order to... push this thing further they would have had a a playoff game with the Giants today to see who wins the West yep and uh didn't happen right didn't happen Jonathan Sanchez who if you guys remember was the guy that ran some mouth before and said oh we're gonna we're gonna take care of the Padres this weekend and right and they did not and they beat Sanchez that night but the guy went out and pitched really well they won three to nothing yesterday and uh heartbreaking tip of the cap to uh the Padres they They played their butts off this year. They performed. They probably won 30 more games than they were supposed to. In spite of their fans. In spite of their fans. Here we go. Well, I will tip the cap and say, you know, great, great job. And it was a great job. And you know what? I'll probably call her back again in April.

18:17The girlfriend analogy. I knew it. Well, this is what I've always said. I've said that to me, the Padres are like a girlfriend that I cannot leave, even though she breaks my heart all the time. She'll be like, I think I see us together forever, and I think that I want to take this to the next level. And I'm so in love with her that I go, okay. So it is. I go, okay, but I say to her, I go, but you've said this to me before, and I get my hopes up, and I show up in a tuxedo with all of my friends to the church, and you don't show up. And I feel like a complete a-hole. I feel like a dunce. With a tux, really. I feel like a dunce. But this year was actually a little bit different. Because they actually went out and got Miguel Tejada, which means like I'm telling my friends, I'm like, you guys, she joined a gym. She's never done that before. She quit smoking. She's cooking for me. She's cooking. And they're like, they're shaking their head. They're closing their eyes. And they're like, dude, are you really going to fall for this? And I go, you guys don't understand because all you are is pessimists. You're a bunch of.

19:47And they go, really? What about 04? What about 07? What about 08? What about 09? And now, what about 2010? Once again, she's disappointed you at the altar. And I bet, Mike, like a dummy, you will be back next April and you'll say, let's give it one more shot. Don't stop believing. And I will. You want to know why? Because she's gorgeous. She is hot. There is no denying that. The San Diego Padres are hot. I cannot leave this relationship. It's dysfunctional. And I see my friends with their good girlfriends, the New York Yankees. I see them. You know, the girlfriend that's also gorgeous and doesn't leave them at the altar. In fact, every year shows up to that church. marries them, and they have the most gorgeous honeymoon ever. You know what that honeymoon looks like? A ticker tape parade down Madison Avenue. Well, what would a ticker tape parade down Broadway look like here in San Diego? I'm sure it would be gorgeous, but we, as of yet, have not experienced that. Well, pal, your girl went above and beyond for you this year, and you were not there for her. She showed up. She was a little chubby.

21:22At the beginning of the year? She was. She was chunky. She was smoking cigs. She quit all that for you. She got in shape. She smelled nice. She smelled beautiful. She might have even brought another woman into the relationship. Into the bedroom for you. Real sweetly. You weird freak. Real sweetly for you. Yeah, go ahead. And what did you do? You sat on your couch and you played on your laptop. Oh. That's true. You weren't there for it. You played video games. Played video games. While she was wearing lingerie. Blame the victim. That's a good plan. Blame. Oh, really? So it's my fault. She's wearing lingerie. They were. She's working out. I'll tell you what. She's tan. It's what they all do when they cheat. They blame the victim. Bud Black is the manager of the year. What he did with that team so far exceeded. And they were supposed to be the 30th best team in the major leagues out of, I think, 32. And, dude, those guys were one game away. Oh, yeah, you've said enough to make me feel guilty enough. Absolutely, as you should. Yeah, you've turned around and blamed the victim enough that next year, next April, I'll be like, yeah, I guess it's my fault. The victim. I guess it's my fault. The victim that didn't show up for any dates. Yeah, and you know what I'm glad about? How about the Tampa Bay Devil Rays? Because nobody goes to their games either. They don't. And they seem...

22:36To make it to the show. What about them? You know, the same team, by the way, that you pick to go to the World Series over your own Yankees. Absolutely. What? They don't go to their games either. I know. They're just a little stronger. They're a little stronger. How come they're not at fault? They spend a little more money. How come those fans aren't at fault? They spend a little more money. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Because the way I see it, they don't go to their games, we don't go to our games. But maybe we don't go to our games because we know what's going to happen. It's a loser mentality. It's a loser mentality. Guilty as charged. You cannot indict your team based on what they've done in the past. All you can live in with a team. No, you live in what they're doing now. Live in the now. Live in the now, dude. You can't live in the past. You're talking about some team in the past. Every year. But I'll tell you what. This is what scares me. I became a Padre fan this year. I watched so many games. Welcome to the pack, pal. And I'll tell you what. It's going to be a different looking team next year. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. What do you mean? Gonzo's probably gone. I mean, Gonzo's gone. He's your best player. We're used to it. He's probably gone. It's going to be a whole different thing. And you know what? If I'm the owner of the Padres, here's me. Hey, I spent $30 million, almost won the West. I'm not going to spend a nickel more because nobody comes anyway. No, probably spend less. I'm glad there's no game at Petco today because I wouldn't want to be embarrassed when that thing didn't sell out.

24:02So Petco Park remains empty today, as it has for most of the year. M1, Kevin from Mira Mesa is a fan of the San Diego Padres. Isn't that right, Kevin? Yeah, definitely. Tell us how much of a fan you are. Me and my buddy Rob ended up driving up there for the game on Saturday. Look at you. That's rad. Nice. Those are some fans up there. There were about maybe 20 Padres fans, and the rest of the stadium was just orange. That's insane. Yeah. Place was packed, wasn't it? It was packed, yeah. Most of the Jive fans were pretty cool to us. There was actually a guy in a fire costume walking around the stadium, which was pretty sweet. I'm surprised he didn't get beat up. Hey, Kevin, don't worry about it, bro. We'll get them next year. Oh, boy. How about the Chicago Cubs, pal? They haven't won anything since 1908, and that place is sold out daily. I know it. Daily. Small little town like Chicago, hard to believe, isn't it? Oh, poor, what are we, Kansas City? Poor little San Diego? Come on, dude. You can't get 46,000 people in there for a pennant race? Ridiculous. Yeah. How about the... That's a very sparsely populated area town where Wrigley Field is, too, right?

25:09I'm sure it takes an hour to an hour to an hour and a half to get there. It's not in Vista. It's in downtown. If you're on an ocean side and you want to make a game, 705 downtown, it takes an hour and a half. Listen, you're right. Did you watch the Charger game yesterday? Couldn't. Yeah, LLB, did you watch it? No, I couldn't. No, I didn't either. Couldn't. Just Sports Fan Central here, pal. Eagles game was on, though. Couldn't watch it. You know why? It was blacked out. It was blacked out. They didn't buy enough frigging. They can't sell a Qualcomm either. I know it. I read on the internet that the Chargers play really well. They did, 41 to 10. They smoked them. I heard some good stuff. I read Highlight. I didn't see any. No, I know. I read them. Yeah, we didn't get to see the game. Not enough people went. I want to kind of root for them, but it's kind of hard to root for a team you never see. I love them too. Because I don't really have a squad anymore until I was a Cowboy fan when I was a little kid. Wade Phillips, come on. Tony Romo, good. Well, I'm telling you, man. I love the Chargers. I love the Padres. It's just sometimes, you know, a little disappointing. Yeah, I was really disappointed yesterday. We were at a game, and we kept looking at the phones, you know, in between innings, going, oh, dude, 2-0 Giants. Oh, dude, 3-0 Giants. Phillies mounted a massive comeback, almost beat the Braves. They were down 8-0. I think they lost 8-7. I mean, it was so close.

26:38Root for the NL West. See, here's the thing. No way. I say no way. If the Rays get into the World Series, I'm not rooting for the Rays. I'm rooting for whoever's in the National League. Go Braves, man. I don't want to see the Giants win anything. I know. Did you say go Braves? Yeah, go Braves. I don't want to see the Giants win. Philly. Let's see. M1 Nicole from San Diego. Nicole, you there? Yeah. I'm here. Go ahead. Yeah, last night I was at work at Friday's after the game and Mike Tolbert at one of my tables. Oh, nice. It's awesome. He had a great game. Yeah, he was big. Yeah, he was. And I didn't really know who it was at first. And I kind of was like, or kind of embarrassed to say anything. It was there with his family. Yeah. And then he paid and it was him. Yeah. You can always tell when the, you know, because they put their...

27:36They put their jersey number next to their signature. That's always an indication. No, that's cool. No, it said on his card, William is actually his first name. Oh, really? Yeah, it's William M. Tolbert. And then I walked up after I handed the check, and I was like, did you guys go to the game? And his mom looks at me and goes, yeah, well, he plays. And I was like, I knew it. That's awesome. That's solid. Yeah, he played all right. Yeah, he did. Great game. Yep, 100 yards. That's right. Hey, thanks a lot, Nicole. So I couldn't watch the game on TV, but I got to meet Mike Tolbert. There you go. That's nice. I love the show, guys. Thank you. We love you. Don't know if you saw LT go off yesterday for the Jets, but a couple scores, buck 30. I think his comments after the game were a little passive-aggressive because this might sting as a Charger fan what he said. We have his comments, and we'll play them for you. Oh, do I love this guy. I love Billy Squire. Billy Squire is one of those bands that I, one of those artists that I liked, and I didn't have anybody introduce me to it. I just liked it. Word of the day, conundrum. So when you hear me work that into a sentence, caller nine gets a SeaWorld four-pack worth $236. That's good. So yeah, LT had a heck of a game yesterday. Yeah. And he looked 26 years old.

29:53He looked 26 years old. Didn't we say that that was going to be the case? Well, I think that mentally, you know, the guy just goes, and it happens to any player that their team feels they're washed up. You know, mentally, it's a real motivator for them. Anyway, Wood's going to tell you all about his day, but in addition, he's going to play you LT's comments that he had after the game, which were... A little passive aggressive, Woods says. I haven't heard him yet. Yeah, it's... We'll wait. Yeah, just wait. You probably don't know who Rick Sanchez is. I didn't know who Rick Sanchez is. He works for CNN. He did. He's been fired. Why has he been fired? Because he went on some radio show on Sirius XM and said this about Jon Stewart. I think Jon Stewart's a bigot. I think he looks at the world through his mom, who was a school teacher, and his dad, who was a physicist or something like that. Great. I'm so happy that he grew up in a suburban, middle-class, New Jersey home with everything that you could ever imagine. What group is he bigoted towards?

31:11Everybody else who's not like him. Look at his show. I mean, what does he surround himself? Listen, he picks on Jews all the time. He's a Jew He focuses on them. I think he overcompensates to some extent. I always noticed that. He goes after himself and people like him and everybody else. I totally disagree with you and I defy giving you a specific example. Let me give you an example of what I mean about that, by the way. I don't necessarily think... That's pretty strong words, Colin John. Sort of bigot. Call anybody a bigot. Give me an example. That's what happens when you watch yourself on his show every day and all they ever do is call you stupid. Yeah, dude. It isn't because you're Mexican, though. No. He's not being racist. It isn't because the guy's, I'm inferring that he thinks he's a bigot because this dude's name is Rick Sanchez. And so if he's said something about Rick Sanchez, which he has, by the way, Jon Stewart has. Yeah, it's his job. Jon Stewart said that Rick Sanchez reminds him of the guy at the party that's all coked up and comes up to him at the end of the night and wants to tell him how incredible it is what ants can do. That's what he said. Wow. Okay, well.

32:20Rick Sanchez doesn't like it, so he says it's because he's a bigot, which I don't like that bit. Yeah, that's a very strong word. Yeah. Well, do you have more? Yeah. Yeah, this is where it gets really good. This is what got him fired. I just think it's important that people who are not minorities understand that those of us who are, and very few of us, will say the things that I've just said. are actually more complex than they think we are, and we get them. Stewart's a minority, as much as you are. He's, come on. How is he a minority? Yeah. Yeah. Rick. Very powerless people. Whoa. You're such a minority. I mean, you know. Please. What are you kidding? He's. You're telling me that... I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart. A lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority? Yeah. He's fired. Oh, yeah. See you later, dude. Dummy. You got fired. You can't talk about your bosses like that. Yeah, so if everybody that runs the network is Jewish and you're ripping on Jews, probably not a good move. Yeah.

33:34Because you work for a network. Well, Jon Stewart has already responded to it. Weird. And he says, hey, listen, if you want to apologize to all of us Jews, we'll hire you back. But anyway, did I miss anything from that? No, not really. Not really, man. You kind of hit it on the head. That's a story. And I'm sure tonight Jon Stewart will have a full... thing on it. He's made that comment, but I'm sure he'll have a full wrap-up on it and we'll play it for you tomorrow for sure. But now you know who Rick Sanchez is and there's probably no way in the world that you'll forget. Why don't we do a little bit of this? I want to know about LT. We've got a lot to get to. Yeah, we do. A lot. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, the postseason is set in baseball. The Texas Rangers will be taking on the Rays. The Yankees will be taking on the Twins. Then in the National League, Cincinnati will be taking on the Phillies. And Atlanta is going to play. San Francisco games start this Wednesday. I am nauseous already. Yeah, you think that the Yankees will beat the Twins. I think they'll beat the Twins. And then you think they'll lose to the Rays? Yes. Okay. And what do you think will happen in the National League?

35:10I think that the Phillies are going to take. I think it's going to be Phillies-Rays. Yeah. Yeah. They're strong. Super strong. Who's going to win in the Atlanta-San Francisco series? I think I will go with the Giants. and then the Giants will play the Phillies and lose. Yes. Okay. That's my call, but what do I know? Kind of an idiot. So we talked a little bit in the open about the Chargers. I didn't get to see the game. I heard it went really well. 41-10 over the Cardinals. Phillip Rivers, 15-20 for 241 in two TDs. Ryan Matthews scored his first touchdown as a Charger. That's good for Mikey's fantasy team, too. Here's Phillip Rivers on his bunch. Cut one. I hope we haven't peaked week four, two and two. I mean, we can get better. Certainly when you win a game 41-10, we did a lot of good things. But realistically, we're going to be in fourth quarter games just about every week. That's what this league is, and we're going to be ready to handle it. I like that dude, man. I didn't used to. I really like that guy. I love Phillip Rivers. Gosh, he's solid. You know, Mikey and I were talking a little bit yesterday. How bad does Matt Leinart have to be?

36:20for him not to be able to be a quarterback on that team as bad as Derek Anderson is. And Max Hall, who's an undrafted rookie. Undrafted. At the time that they took Derek Anderson out of the game yesterday for the Arizona Cardinals because he was playing so bad, his quarterback rating. was 19. It's absurd. I've never heard of that. It's absurd. So yeah, Chargers was a big win, though, at home. So let's run through some scores, too, from the NFL. The Falcons over the Niners in a heartbreaker for the Niners. They had it locked up. They're 0-4. They're 0-4. Mike Singletary, they're saying he's safe, but he's 0-4. Everybody was picking them to win that division, man. And they haven't won a game yet. LT went off yesterday with the Jets. The Jets are now 3-1. They won 38-14 over the Bills. Let's go ahead and listen to his comments after the cut three. LT. That last line is the one that got me. I think I get it. You know what I'm saying? I don't understand what you mean, Ladanian, because I can say the same thing about our team. No.

37:39I think that the team takes on the personality of the head coach. I brought all the players together last night, and I said, fellas, I want you all to know this, and I want you to know it from the deepest, the most sincere place of my heart. Some of y'all are doing burnouts in the parking lot. And I got a notice from upstairs that said that we can't do that anymore, so when you guys are pulling out of the... Practice facility, make sure you're not doing burnouts anymore. The peeling out out there? Yeah, and then I said, all right, and then let's go get them second quarter. Yeah, yeah. Well, you could tell that he feels at home with his new coach, Rex Ryan, and his new team. I don't know, 130 yards, a couple touchdowns, looking real good. He looked really, really good. The Ravens beat the Steelers 17-14. The Browns beat the Bengals 23-20. Carson Palmer. Actually played really well. Just can't win. Yeah, they can't. Just not winners, man. What's up? I don't know. It's going to be defense. Broncos over the Titans 26-20. The Saints barely beat the Panthers 16-14. John Carney, who's 65 years old, came in and drilled field goals. He is the oldest player currently in the NFL.

38:5346 years old. It's insane. The Packers in a squeaker over the Lions 28-26. The Jaguars stunned the Colts 31-28 on a 59-yard field goal for the win. Wow. Yeah. 59. Insane. The Texans over the Raiders 31-24. Raiders hung in there a little bit. And then the Eagles. No. Oh, LLB, I stand corrected. I do too. Yeah, we were wrong. I know. Donovan McNabb overwhelmingly cheered. Yep. LLB and I have a theory about that today. What? I was telling him. My dad listens to, there's a sports, AM sports radio there, 610 WIP. Uh-huh. I'm like, I bet you when he came out and said that, that they were like, On the radio, like... Said what? Fully fans are the most hated fans in all of America. Lauren, let me give you a scenario. Here's a scenario. We've got... Look, we're passionate fans. We've got a bad reputation. Let's cheer this guy. He gave us 11 years. He's a franchise player. It's not his fault. Yeah. Andy Reid gave up on Donovan McNabb. So I'm sure that they were like... Fully fans were like...

40:08I saw their faces, and they literally were like. Great, great. I liked it, though. I love Donovan. Yeah, he got the win, 17-12 over the Eagles. Oh, it was heartbreaking. Mike Vick's ribs. Did you see the hit? Oh, my God. It was so gross. It was so gross. He got sandwiched. Yeah. Karma's a mofo. What? Dude. I kind of thought that one. Oh, my gosh. When I saw the hit, I kind of thought that one. There's dogs in heaven right now smiling down. Karma would have been if two pit bulls dead. Because all dogs go to heaven, Mike. 17-3, Giants over the Bears. Did you guys, in the Battle of the Dumb Faces last night, Eli against Cutler, Cutler spent the whole game on his back. He got sacked nine times in the first half. Knocked him out, concussion. Probably looks dumber than he usually does. They lost 17-3, so the Bears are no longer undefeated. Kind. The Rams over the Seahawks, 23. Sam Bradford's won two in a row. That's pretty solid. And then tonight, Monday Night Football, the Patriots at Miami. And the Ryder Cup, I think it's going on right now. We had a good weekend, then we had a bad weekend. The Europeans need to win 5 of 12 of the single matches to take the whole thing. So it looks like it's going to be Europe's Ryder Cup this year. And we'll update you as the show goes on. The Tigers not doing exceptionally well. He played okay, and then they really tanked yesterday. But he and Stricker looked really good the first couple days, but not so much yesterday.

41:32M1 Elroy from IB is online. Saw the Charger game. Did you see it because you were there? I watched it through illicit means. It's funny that you say that, Elroy, because that's a story this morning. Uh-oh. Is that a lot of fans are being able to see games. That's how I watched the Eagles game. Is it really? That's how I watched the Irish beat Boston College. I watched it on this site that actually an M1 sent to me because I don't have... tv i watched it and it was like a british channel or something because they the commentators were british and then on the sidelines they were like you mother effer and like you could hear all the players dropping like n words like everything i know i was like oh my gosh wow and then during during the commercials i was like what am i watching because it started flipping and going through like porn

42:26No way. Are you serious? Yeah. What's this site again? Oh, my gosh. No, we probably shouldn't give it up. It wasn't porn. It was just like, very good time. Call Misty. Oh, wow. I was like, what the heck? That's illegal there. Yeah, you know, I had to. LLB, by the way, has an $80 phone bill this morning. I had to do that. They showed regional games here. Notre Dame was supposed to be on ABC, and they weren't. So I watched some of the game. They've got the Red Zone channel on there. Yeah. Basically, that's what people are doing now because the games are blacked out. They're going online. All I did is I just Googled stream Notre Dame football, and I found it. Wow. And I watch it, but there's some sites listed, justintv.com, or justin.tv, sorry, channelsurfing.net, my2p2.eu. It says some are more reliable than others, but, you know, it depends on the bandwidth and all that. But, yeah, it's what everybody was writing me. I'm going, would you just watch it online? I go, I got a 50-inch freaking high-def TV. I got to put it on my laptop and stream it through there. Forget it. M1L, Roy, did it look bad on your computer?

43:33I went through that site that LOB is talking about, and there are a couple of different feeds that they offer you. And one of them, it says, you know, you've got to download this certain player to watch it. And for years, for months, I've been like, you know, I don't know about downloading stuff. But I downloaded one of these, and, you know, before I installed it, I scanned it. And it gives me a solid United States. It was clear. Maybe just sell out the game. I tell you, yeah, $100 a game, I'm not going. Yeah. And you know what? Sean Phillips was a beast. Yeah, absolutely. He had a pick six on his own. And on that pick six, a couple of charges, they turned right when he picked it off. They turned around and one got Giles Tucker. He turned around and just blasted Anderson in the face, put him right on his butt. Oh, yeah. I heard he had a great game. Anderson is terrible. I read on the internet that he did. Have a real good game. All right. I was thinking, don't you think the networks should charge maybe like $2 a game or something like that to watch it so you don't have to use these pirated sites? If that were the deal, though, L.O.B., people would be like, okay, I'm not going to pay $100 to go there, pay for parking. I'll pay my $2. Well, you're never going to replace that experience. But rather than going and everyone having malware installed on their computers.

44:56I think that they have replaced it. Kind of. I think they've replaced the experience. I mean, I don't enjoy it. I don't either. I like watching the games. Oh, I'll tell you guys to sell it out, but I won't go. Oh, I love. I'm going to go this year. I do not like going to NFL football games. I love it. At all. I like it way better than baseball games. I stood on the sideline of the Dallas Cowboy, on the sideline in the new stadium, and was like, all right, I'm bored. I love football games live. I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. I like college football games live. I think that the traffic is a beating. Yeah. I think that the drunk fans can be a beating. Yeah, they can be. I want to take my little kid, and I feel weird taking my little kid. Some dude's like, you know. Cussing his brains out. Cussing his brains out. He's spilling beer on your little kid. I mean, that can just be a beating. Take the kid with you, dude. I'll protect you. It's cool. Hey, listen. I loved doing it when I was in my 20s before I was married. Yeah. You know? Now on a Sunday, you want to sit around, hand in your pants, watch football. I do. Yeah, I do too. That's how I want to do things. Going to get a new couch, which I can't wait for. I can't wait either because I get your old one. And that's what I'll do. Put my hand in my pants, which is what guys like to do when they watch TV. When's the ETA on this bad boy? We're going to look at them. Oh, and she was already starting yesterday, my wife. I love her. On? Love, Rebecca. She said...

46:23All she cares about is that it's shaped like an L and she gets to pick the color. But yesterday, but yes, she's starting these little things. Caveats. Yeah. She's like, I just hope that you don't get one of those. And I go, why are you saying? And she goes, nothing. I'm just saying that I hope that you don't get one of those bachelor looking couches that has like the puffy ends on it. Hey, if I want to get one. That's shaped like a NASCAR. As long as it's in an L and you get to pick the color, what's the deal? What's the big whoop? You know? Because she's thinking, oh, wait, maybe I gave you too much freedom and I'm going to have to look at this thing every day. Wait, wait, wait! Right? She gave you too much power and now she's realizing, wow, I screwed up bad. I just don't like sitting on a couch that I can't, that I don't, I'm not comfortable. Are you ever comfortable on any couch? It's killing me! You don't like that couch, which is awesome. Awesome. It's hard. It's hard like a rock. It is not. I sink into that couch. You don't like any couch. Sweetly. You're never going to be satisfied. Yeah, I am. Are you? If Russ and Rachel would just let us have their couch, I'd be happy. Just sit in the Central Perk real sweetly. Yeah, what about Phoebe? What about Phoebe's couch? Yeah, what about Phoebe? Do you like Phoebe's couch? Monica's couch is horrible. Monica's, it's terrible. She cooks real nice. Their names are Russ and Rachel. They can't help that.

47:54Close friends. They're just my friends, that's all. You like their couch? Yes. Did you ask where they got it? Yeah. And you're going to get the same one? No, because they got it up in, like, Orange County. And it was probably years ago. They don't have the same one now. Got to be a make and model. Couch is a tough thing, man. Couch is a tough thing to find the right one. Not really. I love my couch. I like mine, but I like yours a lot better. Yeah. There's no pee on it. Well, there will be after a little while. After a day. After a day. Stupid dogs. Our nanny from Hungary, Nita, said yesterday, I only like to spend money on two things, a bed and shoes. These are things that you have to have comfortable and can spend money on. Fun listening to the things that disgust her. About America. About America. I went to PB, okay, Friday.

48:55It was very fun. There was a man on stage at 11 p.m., and he dressed like Elvis Presley and sings songs. Nice. But she said, you know what, though? The girls, beautiful girls, drinking beer from bottle. And I go, what do you mean? She goes, disgusting. In Hungary, only girl that would drink from bottle. have head down on table with cigarette dangling from hand so drunk that she don't care that she drink beer from bottle. It's so weird. It's so weird. I love it. I said, how do you do it? She goes, you pour in glass. I guess that's classier. But I'd like to, if I'm going to drink, sometimes I'll drink beer out of a bottle at a bar because that way people don't slam into me and I don't spill it and it's cleaner than the... The tap spouts. And cleaner than the glasses. Yes. And nobody, you know, maybe they don't have roofies over in Hungary, but they've got roofies here. Yeah. And a bigger, you know, you have a bottle in your hands. Yeah. I didn't even think of that. It's tough to slip a roofie in there. That's why, you know, you always tell, people always tell girls, you know, don't drink mixed drinks at bars. Yeah. Drink a beer out of a bottle. Uh-huh. That's a good idea. Yeah. The beer snobs say it tastes better out of a glass, though. Yeah. Well, Budweiser tastes like Budweiser out of a bottle of glass, I think. What is this?

50:15Rufies, is this how you married Rebecca? Is that the only explanation for this marriage? It is the only thing that can make sense. You continually Rufy-er daily? Every day? Every single day. She built no tolerance to Rufy. My goodness. It is funny, man, the little differences. You know, like in Amsterdam, you go to a movie. You get a glass of beer, and I'm not talking about no paper cup. I'm talking about a glass of beer. Right. You know what they call the Royale with cheese? Damn it, I messed it up. I messed it up. Yeah, they call it the Royale with cheese, actually. I'm an idiot. It's all right. Don't beat yourself up. I will. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I love me. That's sweet honey to my ear, James. Everything, everything, everything gonna be all right this morning. That's right. Sing it. Every time I hear it, I feel like I'm in a Martin Scorsese movie. About to whack somebody out. Slow motion cigarette smoke. Yeah. First time I met Tommy, I knew what kind of guy he was. Hey, how you doing, Hendry? There he is. There he is. You know, it is possible to survive on $20,000 per month. I would hope so. Even though when we come back, I'm going to play you audio of a person that feels that...

51:57That's just the kind of world we live in when that's all they get. I'll tell you who that is. Next. Having said the word of the day, word of the day is conundrum. So when I work that into a sentence, call it nine. $236 prize pack to SeaWorld. It's a four-pack. So feast. Crummy-looking day yesterday, if you ask me. I know you didn't ask. I'm just saying. Look at it outside. It's beautiful. Oh, boy. It was sprinkling on me this morning. It's not even up yet. It doesn't matter. It's going to be cloudy. Sprinkly. I had my seat warmer on this morning. Oh, wow. Driving into work. I was a little chilly. My back hurts because I'm old. It makes me cold just thinking about it. Turned our heater on this weekend. Shut up. Really? Yeah, dude. It was cold. That's crazy. That wasn't that cold. That's crazy. I'm telling you it was. That's crazy. I know, but it was still cold. Had to turn it on. They say it's going to be a winter-like week.

53:40Oh, really? Yeah, we're going to have a drop in temperature. No, the water's finally warm. You know what's happened to me since I moved here? Uh-oh. You spilled something? No, I didn't. I can't wear jeans or pants anymore. I don't like to. I can't. If I have to put on jeans, I feel like I have to put on a suit. All you wear is shorts? That's all I wear. I had to put on jeans and then I was like... What, do I got to dress up for this? I got to put jeans on? I hate wearing shorts. Oh, I love wearing shorts. 5701949. We're going to do the Incorporator at 730. It's going to be fun. Rahm Emanuel is leaving the White House, and he's going to go run for mayor of Chicago. What if he doesn't win, by the way? You know, you leave that big White House post that you have, and then you go and you don't win. You wait tables. Yeah. Here's Obama talking about him. He has been a great friend of mine and will continue to be a great friend of mine. He has been a selfless public servant. He has been an outstanding chief of staff. I will miss him dearly. I support his move to run for mayor of Chicago. He moved to the suburbs. Now, from what I understand, Rahm has moved to the suburbs, which I know was important to him.

55:04And so when he gets to Chicago, he will begin a life of service to the city, but also a life of just urban living with his family. Your car's getting serviced, Mr. President. He is getting my car serviced. Your car's getting serviced. My car is getting serviced. And that is the sort of commitment that Rom will do for a city. Now, if you'll excuse me. Michelle took your car out. I am going to excuse myself because my daughter and my wife. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't let them know that. You should talk to them first. Don't need me. They're great. They're doing well. They need you. You're a family man. You folks that are here listening today are great. I'm great. I'm a family man. Yes. Yes. No, no, no. Don't say what I said. No, no, no. We'll see you again. Mr. President, you need to wrap this up. Do as I say, not as I do. And always remember. Just say it. Do as I say, not as I do. I love America. I love America. I am an American. I am an American. For the American people. For the American people. Of the people. With that being said, of the people, by the way. By the people. For the people. For the people. For the people. Okay, then. So long.

56:25So long. I wish there was a U.S. president saying, all right, guys, so long. So long. Bye-bye. This was the joke on Saturday Night Live about Rahm Emanuel resigning. His replacement is somebody I've never heard of named Pete Rouse. Mostly you've never heard of Rahm Emanuel. He played for the Reds. Did he? He's the all-time head leader. As the president reminded us just now, I do have a certain reputation amongst my colleagues in the administration and Congress. Now, has my manner sometimes been a bit aggressive? Probably. Could my personality be fairly described as abrasive? Yes, it could. Do I lack even basic social skills? Absolutely. Does a little bit of me go a long way? Indeed it does. In my job, have I at times used ugly strong-arm methods to get support for this president's agenda? Guilty as charged. But remember... There's a big difference between arguing a point passionately and committing actual physical violence. And that's a difference I completely lost sight of. There you go. Sounds like he has the same people working for him that Obama had in his ear. Yeah, it does. 5701949 is our number. Text us if you want. 949mikey at gmail.com. So I was saying to you earlier, is it possible?

57:51To survive on $20,000 a month. Well, Oksana Gregorieva was awarded $20,000 a month from Mel Gibson. Child support. $20,000 a month. It's a lot of money. Yeah. But her attorney said this. She's getting $20,000 in child support per month for the child. You've got a tremendous amount of money in Hollywood going to children. You know, obviously, everything in Hollywood is too excess. Mel Gibson is worth upwards of a billion dollars. It's a very modest award by Hollywood standards and a very high award by normal people's standards. What can I tell you? That's the world we live in. That's the world we live in. Wow. It's getting to the point where a woman is now awarded only 20.

58:49thousand dollars per month to survive. In my country, they tell me if I come and I go with movie star, 20,000 is what you call maybe chump change. This is not, but Oksana, it is not chump change though. It's an awful lot of money. Mel Gibson has, maybe you call it deep pockets. Yes, I understand that he does. She's got all the lingo down now. Yeah. I learned these things and I don't understand why he come to my house. Maybe you come to my house and you record my conversation. I didn't. And all of a sudden I am wicked witch. Yes. You're wicked witch because you want $20,000 a month and you say that's not enough. Only what is fair. Only $20,000 in Hollywood. I can buy maybe a sandwich. Really? That's all you can buy? It's a sandwich. It's a delicious sandwich. It's a big sandwich. Maybe I can only pay personal chef $20,000 for maybe one day. Well, how much do you want? $20 million a month would be more fair, more likely. $20 million a month. This is what I'm told. Go meet famous celebrity Mel Gibson. What kind of payout is this? That's right. Oh, man. By the way, speaking of L.O.B. L.O.B.

1:00:06You know, did her comedy thing on Saturday night. Woods started getting a text from somebody. He still doesn't know who it is. Yeah, no idea. I got a text this weekend from somebody that it was a wrong number text. Yeah. And I also, this is a weird weekend for texts. Also got a text from somebody that it wasn't meant for me. Oh, boy. You get those? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the worst. What did yours say? The wrong number text? Yeah. It said, tomorrow's the day. but I still won't borrow it. I think, yeah, tomorrow's the day, but I still won't borrow it. Was it a number you knew? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I just wrote back and said, question mark, question mark, question mark. Oh, gosh. And then they said, oops, sorry, wrong text. It wasn't anything bad, so it was an oops, sorry, wrong text and didn't really bother them. But sometimes you get them and they're not. Okay. Yeah, somebody was stalking me at LOB's show. They noticed all they were texting me. It was obviously somebody that's been in the studio before because I used to give my number out. Yeah. And they're like, nice newsboy hat. I was like, oh, boy. Okay. And then they're like, how's that front row seat? I was like, yeah, somebody's going to slit my throat. And maybe you reveal yourself. I think I know who it is.

1:01:22I think it's this dude that came in. I think I know who it is. I thought it was a chick. But then they said, I don't go by Tommy. I'm a sister. Oh. Tommy? Yeah, because I thought it was this guy Tom. So you said, is that you, Tom? Is that you, Tom? Yeah. You said no? I said no. I don't go by Tommy. I'm a sister. Who could that be? I don't know. I was very scared. I've gotten those like... Yeah, 100%. Maybe you don't give your phone number out to everybody. Yeah. Get a new California number since I live in California now. Yeah, why don't you do that? I've had my number for what, like, I don't know, like six years now? Yeah. And when I was used to, you know, be a little bit like single, mingle, loosey-goosey, I'd give out my number and be like, yeah, totally call me. So I still get these like residual texts from people that I'm like, and you have to be like, who is this? Yeah. Like, or sorry, I lost my phone. LB, that's the. Bit of the guy that comes home from the bar at 1.30 and starts going through his numbers. He's fishing with dynamite. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, what are you doing? You want to hang out? You send out 40 of those. Maybe one's like, yeah, sure. Think you can close the deal at 1.30 a.m. Some guys are bold. Shameless. Shameless. Oh, yeah. I got a buddy in Dallas. You met him. Big, tall, good-looking dude. Yeah. He's here.

1:02:31That guy will fish with dynamite at 1.30 in the morning and, you know, sometimes he'll run into a problem where two or three of them are like, yeah, I'd love to come over. Oh, my gosh. That's like what the situation does on the Jersey Shore. He throws out lines like that? They've got, like, stacks of numbers. I don't know if it's real or not. They've got, like, stacks of numbers and they'll be, like, calling people like, hey, you want to come over? You want to smush? Smush. Does that mean have sex? I think so. Smush? Those guys are so filthy, dude. That's the grossest way I've ever heard it described. I'm moving to Canada. We smashed last night. We smashed? We smashed. Gross. Gross, dude. Did you smush? Yeah, we smashed. Yeah, we smashed. So the girls on Jersey Shore, they don't mind telling the world that they're having sex with different people? Yeah, I guess not. I mean, they've got cameras in their room. Do they have sex with each other or do they have sex with strangers? All of it. It's just... They're friends? It's hedonism. Is that the deal? They're friends? Do you want to move to Canada with me? There's a Canadian that was just on the show that was a freak. How about we move to... How about I call American Airlines today and see if they have any reservations for Mars? Yeah, seriously. Oh, man. Are they... Because I don't watch the Jersey Shore, but Lauren does. Are they having sex with each other? Are they friends? Is that the deal? They're buddies? They're friends. They're not related. It's the premise of the real world. You know, there's a bunch of strangers that...

1:03:52Yeah, they're like all guidos and guidettes. That were thrown into a house together? Yeah. That's what it is? Now they're friends because it's the second season and then they're in Miami. Miami. Dude, I had no idea that was the deal. I thought it was a group of friends that knew each other. Now they're friends, but they didn't know each other at first. They were all thrown together. They were all thrown together. So there's fights, there's hooking up, there's drama, there's hilarity. It all ensues. And girls will go on TV and be like, I smooshed. Yeah, they'll smoosh on camera. Nuh-uh. You have to put the blankets over you because there's like night vision cameras in there. Oh, my God. There's a room called the smoosh room. Gross! Oh, my gosh. If you have, like, because they're all in twin beds and they're all like, they're bunked up like three to a room. So if you want to bring someone home. and you don't want to be with your room. Hey, let me smush this broad. Hey, Tony. Hey, I got dibs on the smush room. Why don't you kick rocks, pal? I got to smush this broad, all right? Yeah, oh, that's exactly what I'm saying. Hey, kick rocks, pal. I had no idea. It's like a train wreck that I can't believe. It sounds gross. I can't believe you watch it a little bit. I can't believe I do either. I never did until like three weeks ago, and then all of a sudden I was like, oh, my gosh. Are you hooked now? A little bit. Those shows make me nervous. You know.

1:05:09Fake reality. No, no, no. Reality shows with young people make me nervous. It reminds me of that time. Ew, I know. It makes me feel dirty, but it also makes me feel a little better about myself. It makes me, my heart beats fast. Yeah. And I see fights and it makes me upset. Yeah. And I see, you know what, the thing that gets me more than anything else is drama. I know and I like it. You do? I don't like it in my life, but I like to see like... I can't. There's like girl fights. Oh, I don't. Because I want everyone to grow. I want to individually take that person and reason with them. Yeah. Well, every once in a while they have... Like I cried the other day. I was watching the Jersey Shore. You cried watching it? The only person in America. Because there's a moment between... When you cry, is it just tears coming out or is it with noise? No noise. It's just a general flowage of tears to my eyes. They don't even necessarily flow down. You're such a sweet girl. Just sitting there on your couch crying to the Jersey Shore. I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so sweet. They're in love. Oh my goodness. Really? The guy was like, I think I'm falling in love with you again. She's like, I'm flying in love with you too. And I was like, oh my gosh, it's so sad. Girls are so...

1:06:29Different from guys. That was cheesy. Mikey Show, hello. Hi, this is M1 Savannah, and I just wanted to say that all the talk about the Jersey Shore horrifies me because I'm a high school teacher right now. Yeah. And I did a survey the other day to see what the kids' interests are. Yeah. And about half of them put that this is their favorite show. Oh, it's terrible. It is terrible. I know, and I'm like, I can't believe I've watched the past. couple episodes of the season online. Now, do we not think that these kids want to emulate what they see? Yeah, I know. I know. It scares me. And I've never seen it, so I didn't know exactly what's going on, but they're all watching that on TV. They look like, to me, I wouldn't think anyone would want to emulate it. Maybe some of the guys on the show because they like... They're all into their image, and they get really muscular, and the one guy shows off his abs, as he calls them. But I think that the girls look pretty stupid, and so do the guys that are fighting and stuff. But I don't know. That's in my opinion. I don't know if high school kids could distinguish and think, oh, they look like idiots. Is that my situation? Yeah. Thanks for the call. Appreciate it. Mikey Show. Hello. Your son. Hey, Luke. What do you think I'm doing? Maybe you'll leave me on hold longer.

1:07:47It's my one-year-old son. His name is Luke, and he's one of my twin boys. Hey, Chief, I need to borrow... Don't call me... Oh, boy. Hey, don't call me Chief. Luke, I am your father. I am your father, Luke. I am your father. Don't call me Chief. Are you? All right, hey, Captain. I need your Louis Vuitton bags. I gotta go out of town. I don't have Louis Vuitton bags. Where are you going? You can't go out of town. I got a reality show. You have a reality show? No, I just got signed. I just got picked. For what? It's called Slay a Baby. Okay, all right. You are a... Ew! I'm leaving this afternoon. Slay a baby. And it's babies hooking up with babies? Ew! That's so stupid. Why is it... It's stupid because it's our culture is going into the toilet. Nobody ever wanted you for reality show. Don't hold back my dream. I was the second. I made it to the second level. I'll have you know.

1:08:51That's the only thing you've ever made to the second level of now, trust me. It's not true. Of what? I made it to the second level of the San Francisco real world with Puck. With Puck? And they picked Pedro instead? Yeah, they did. They needed a Latino. Yeah, they picked a gay guy over you. Yeah, okay, great. Rub it in. All right, you don't even know. You're a one-year-old child. Who's this broad running around the house? There's two women living in the house. Your mother, my wife. She feeds me. Yes. Right. And also Nita, our Hungarian au pair. When did she get her? I haven't even met her. Yes, you have met her. She takes care of you. She feeds you. She changes you. I saw her holding you. You've met her. You've met her. Tonight, can you give me a lift to the airport? First of all, take those sunglasses off. I'm off to South Padre Island. Do your car seat? Yeah, I'm off to South Padre tonight. They barely fit your face. Those are full-sized sunglasses. Right now on the screen, it says, on the phone, Luke, one-year-old baby.

1:09:54He's got an attitude. He wears a baseball cap, dark sunglasses, and always has a toothpick in his mouth. It's my one-year-old son, Luke. He's got a real attitude. It's in the toothpick, pal. Just FYI. It better not be a cigarette, Luke. It's not a cigarette. It's a jerk. Oh, wow. You are such a clown. Are you going to take me to the airport or is mom going to it? You're being a bad baby. You're being a bad boy. You're being a bad boy. Well, I've got to get out of town, so I'm going to miss you. Am I? And, uh... That was really sly. That was so... I'll let you know how things work out for me. Okay, great. Okay. Thanks. That's my one-year-old son, Luke. Wow. Really got an attitude problem these days. What are you going to do about him? I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to have to punish him. I'm going to have to discipline him. Yeah. Yeah, I've told him he needs to take it easy. And that's the way he is. He's got an attitude. We got sidetracked. We were talking about when you accidentally get a text. It wasn't meant for you.

1:10:56How do you react? Do you tell them? I got a text from my friend. I don't know if she's listening or not. She texted me like a week or so ago. Her boyfriend just moved to New York. And she texted me like, good night, my love. Have sweet dreams of me. Good night, my love. Have sweet dreams of me. And I was like, whoa. And then immediately she was like, oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. That was not meant for you. And then another text right after that. I'm so sorry. And then another text right after that. Awkward dot dot dot. You should have just let you. Did you write back? I didn't know. I was getting ready for bed anyway. And I was just like, oh, just write back to her in the morning. But she just like. That scaved her out. Listen, every person has their thing that they really, really like, and that's why people go well together. That wouldn't be the girl for me. Really? Really? No, no, no, no, no. The sweet dreams of me? Yes. You know why? Oh, it's sweet. I love her. I don't know her. I already love her. But for me, I want the text that just says, I love you.

1:12:02Really? Yeah. Sometimes you get into it, like they're long distance. I know, but I've been in that situation. I would not have liked that. I would. I would love that. I would have liked it. Good night, my love. I want it. I paraphrased it. What did it really say? I don't know. I don't remember exactly what it was because it was like a week ago. But it was something, I mean, it was like definitely the have sweet dreams of me. Should have just sent back, will do. Yeah. Will do. Will do. I've gotten those texts too before. Dot, dot, dot, no problem, question mark? Like, my little brother, I don't know if he's listening. I'm just going to, like, Kathy Callout over here. Go ahead, Kathy Callout. He texted me one time. He was like, hey, I'm so sorry I can't make your show. I can't get it. He doesn't have a car. He's like, I can't get a ride, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I really wanted to go. I'm so sorry. Like, all this stuff. And I'm like, no worries. And we're back and forth for a little bit. Then he texts, okay, she's cool with it. Now let's go get wasted at Kate Sessions. No, no way. Oh, my. And I wrote back. He wrote me the next day and was like, how was your show? And I was like, great. How was Kate Sessions?

1:13:10Oh my god, L.O.B. You didn't write him back? What did he say? Not right away, because I was like, is he going to realize it? Or is he going to like... What did he say? Then, because then he was like... Did he call you? Did he text back? he called and I think I was doing something so I didn't pick up weird. But then he sent me a text like an hour or two later and was like, are you mad at me or something? And I was like, no, I was just calling you out. Cause he has a really good friend named Lauren. So I think he went to text, but people do that a lot. They'll be like, they meet, they're just, they're talking about you and they text you. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Every time I send a text where I'm like, maybe I just shouldn't send texts about people. I'm always afraid that I sent it to the person I was talking about. She's cool with it. Now let's go get wasted at Kate's session. Finally got that sister out of my hair. Thank God I don't have to go to her comedy show. I don't want to go to her show, and so now I don't have to. Let's me and you.

1:14:12Go throw them back. Unbelievable. I love that. I love it. He listens to the show, so if he's listening, I'm sorry. Nice work, pal. Is that Brad? Yeah, great work, dude. Let's see. We have time now. Drat. That's your language. It's a foul mouth on you. Let's play Name That 2 when we come back. Yes. We'll have a little fun with that. What do you have as a prize, Jaybird? I'll have to let you know. Oh, no. You know what we're going to do when we come back? We'll do the incorporating. We sure will. Okay, do this. Call me right now, 570-1949, and give me words that you want me to give to Woods to incorporate into a conversation. Woods, explain the type of stuff you want. Just words, man. Like, tough words, it would be, you know, it would be hard to incorporate them into a conversation. I'm going to have to really think on my feet. Can you give me an example? Headphone. Headphone. Cantaloupe. Give me an example of what you don't want. Drop it like it's hot. Yeah, zippity-doo-dah. You know, I mean, use your head. Yeah. Just use your head. It's a laugh. Just random words is what he wants. Yeah. He doesn't want sha-la-la-boom-she-ah. Right. He doesn't want that. Right.

1:15:32He wants words, random words. 570-1949, the Incorporator's next. All right, so I'm going to do the Incorporator. And the word of the day, by the way, is conundrum. So when you hear me work that into a sentence, you have to be Caller 9. It'll happen between now and 10 a.m. And when you hear it, you've got to be Caller 9, and you'll win a four-pack to SeaWorld. It's worth $236. It's a lot. It's a pretty cool prize. Here's the idea of the Incorporator. Let me give you this. Let's play this for you. Idea of the Incorporator is Woods used to do this at his old job just for fun with his boys in the office. Yeah, we'd be bored. Oh, here he comes. Watch out, boys. He'll chew you up. Here he comes. The Incorporator. You've probably done this, too. Oh, here he comes. Watch out, boys. He'll chew you up. Oh, here he comes.

1:16:59We're going to call a business somewhere not in San Diego. And when we call, we're going to be calling a Halloween supply place. And we had a bunch of M1s call in with Woods out of the room. And they gave us eight words. And I am going to give these eight words to Woods during this conversation with this person at the Halloween supply place. They will not be able to hear me. they'll only be able to hear Woods. So I'll be feeding Woods the words. And I'm going to tell you, Woods, one of the words that we got from M1 Jesse is a word that you actually use a lot. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay. I always give Woods the first word. Yes. First word is sweet cheeks. All right. So you have to find a way to incorporate the word sweet cheeks into the conversation. Piece of cake.

1:18:08Just start talking about me. I think you just talk about Mikey. Talk about Mikey. I have sweet cheeks. We know that. Are you guys ready? We're ready. Again, they cannot hear me. They can only hear Woods. Yeah, can I speak to one of your sales associates there? I'll be happy to speak with you. May I help you, sir? Well, good morning, sweet cheeks. I need some help. I'm having a party for Halloween. Mailbox. Oh, wonderful. We have all kinds of costumes for Halloween. Excellent. I don't know if you'll have this one. I actually want to dress up as a mailbox. Exponential. Can you help me out with a, you know, dress up like a mailbox for Halloween? I have a book order form. If I don't have one in stock, I can look and see if that's available. I'm more than happy to do that. Exponential.

1:19:39Big letter-sized mailbox, like the public? Yeah, I want to be like a giant, giant mailbox. Okay, okay. Let me find my order book here and see if that's available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and my wife actually wants to dress as like a math problem, like an exponential. Do you know what that is? Yes, I'm sorry. We have some weird taste. But, hey, it's Halloween, right? Yeah, that's the whole bit. Last year I actually dressed up as a plunger, which was really weird. I had a big rubber thing around my waist, and then I dressed myself as like a stick coming out of it, so I was like a big plunger. You must be kind of a skinny guy. I used to be, so don't be so vindictive. I'm a little chubbier than I used to be. Illicit.

1:20:42That's quite all right. I've dated late myself. Do you guys have any illicit costumes, like adult-themed costumes? Actually, we do have some a little bit on the verge. We have the French maid and a little S&M type. A little S&M. That's repugnant. Well, yeah. Actually, you know, but we do have some clientele that like that sort of stuff. I'm not into it myself, but we do offer, you know, a lot of different... assortment of costumes because a lot of people have a lot of different tastes. That is true. So you were saying your wife wants to be a math teacher. Yeah, she's a math teacher, so she wants to be like a math problem, like an exponent or an exponential. But anyway, if you can't do the mailbox, I was thinking about just dressing myself in like a port-a-john, like a port-a-potty, and just trying to kind of waddle that thing around the party all night. You think that'd be a good trick?

1:21:46I've never heard of that. I told you, I'm out there. Well, you know what I'll do? I'll come in, I'll sniff around a little bit and see what I can find. And what was your name? And I'll come in and make sure to ask for you. My name is Miss Prescott, and I'm more than happy, Stephanie Prescott, to help you find anything you need. Thank you very much. If you find what you need, we can pull it together. That a girl. Okay. All right, hon, have a good day. You too. Bye-bye. I didn't know what... What was it? I don't know what it means. He doesn't know what exponential means. I've heard it, but I don't know what it means. Okay, exponential is better used if you use it... Exponentially. That's what I was thinking. And I'm like, this is my worst incorporator I've ever done. It wasn't. It was good. It's so bad. Like, Woods was looking at me. He's like, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. And we were all just shrugging ourselves. Yeah, and I was like, I don't know what to do. I was like, panic mode. Bigger. Yeah, and I put like a lot. I wrote the word a lot. I thought of exponent. It was funny what you said.

1:22:45No, exponential means, hey, listen, I got into the stock market and my money increased exponentially. Exponentially? Yeah. How do you use- I gained an exponential amount of money. I gained an exponential- Exponential. I guess, hey, you know what? But hey, the math thing worked. I guess, but not really. That's pretty much the first time I've ever bombed one. No. How did you bomb it? Because I didn't do it right. I didn't do the right word. You didn't know what the word meant. You can use exponential in math. And it's one thing to not know. I'm sweating. He gets so worked up. He gets so worked up. It was great. She was the sweetest lady. She was. She was so helpful. That's what they say down the south. You know, that was easy because anything you said, I'd be like, yeah, I want to dress up as this. I want to dress up as that. I want to dress up as this. I have some requests for the incorporator. Okay. I like more. You do bits. I love when you go. You know, and I can do that. And it's when they are kind of feeding back, you know, and if they're really engaged, then it's a lot.

1:23:49I like when you pick a character that you're going to be. I like when you're like, hi, I was calling because... Oh, done. Done! I love that. I'll do another one right now. I love that. Done. 570-1949. I love the Incorporator. We'll mix it up. We couldn't do the Incorporator forever. And the reason that we couldn't is because the phones didn't work. Yeah. The phones work and they still make me nervous because when you dial it, it takes forever. It's like the longest pause. And then it does that. I'm waiting for if you'd like to make a call every time. I feel like it's going up a satellite link and coming back down. But we're like three for three in here. Yeah. I always thought it was my failure because Mikey would look at me like, what are you doing? Can't you dial a number? And the five didn't work. On the other board, the five. If there was a five in that number, it wouldn't work. Yeah, and Jay, I never meant to make it your deal. It was always like a what's good. It was more like a collective freak out. Yeah, I thought it was me talking too loud and messing up. We all thought it was our fault. That's the worst. Al Gore was speaking at something about global warming weird, and here's what people started yelling out. You know, today, all around the world, they put up 90 million tons of global warming pollution again.

1:25:07today really that guy's ever been bass fishing oh my gosh nothing like that's ever happened like yet listen let's get i am not necessarily an Al Gore supporter, but I hate when people do that. I don't like that, man. It's the worst. They did it at the comedy show the other night. It makes me sad. It's really easy to just blend in the crowd and yell stuff out. Yeah. It's just so petrifying to me. Oh, it's not nice. I come out here and rough talking and running off. Once you're stage time, you earn your keep, you get up there. How about you do the show if you're so funny? Yeah. It petrifies me when people yell stuff out. I'm like, oh boy. I bury my head in my hat. Let's see. 5701949 is our number. M1 Matt from San Diego. Hi, Matt. How are you? What's going on? You guys are awesome. This is my favorite thing on the way to work every day. You guys keep me going. Thank you. You're awesome. Thank you, Matt. It's just Matt.

1:26:31I wanted to know what the word is that Woods uses all the time that he had to say on that. Repugnant. Oh, yeah, I do use that. I didn't know either. Yeah, Woods uses the word repugnant all the time. I love that word. I messed up, too, because one thing that I want to do before we do the Incorporated is I want to run down the words before Woods comes in the room so that everybody listening knows what he has to work with. That's good. But I love the Incorporated. Thank you, Matt. It's just Matt. Just Matt. Let's see. Want to do a little Name That Tune? Yeah, why not? Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Call us right now. 5701949. You're going to pick me, Woods, or L.O.B. I think Name That Tune is my favorite part of the Mikey Show. It's like my favorite part of Monday for sure. Me too. I love it. We got a prize pack, the Iron Man 2 On Demand prize pack from Courtesy of Cox Communications. All right, so the way that it works is we use our name as a buzzer. So if I know what it is, I go, Mikey. And we just yell our name out. Yeah, because how else would you do it? Yeah. Okay, so call us right now, 570-1949. Pick me, Woods, or L-O-B. And if we win for you, we win for you. What's the theme today, Jay? Angry rock songs. Oh. Yes! Lauren's going to get killed. It's going to be a Mikey Woods show. You just ruined my day. Aw, poor Lauren.

1:27:57You might do okay. Maybe expand your mind from the Grateful Dead a little bit. Let's just do things that will apply to two people and not the third on the show. I feel like that's like, okay, things that you take for when you're on your period. It's like we'd be like, well, what are we supposed to do? Foods at Whole Foods. Yeah, foods at Whole Foods. M1 Greg from San Diego. Who would you like? What? Attaboy. All right, hang on the line. M1 Justin from downtown. Who do you want? Mikey. All right, hang on. That's a good bet right there. I know, right? M1 Jose from Spring Valley, you are stuck with it. He's like, never mind. I don't want to play anymore. Hang on. I'm all over it. Yeah, he wants it. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he does. I mean. I mean, he wants me. I mean. He wants me to play him. To represent him. He wants to make love to me. All right, let's do this. Here we go. Woods. Limp Bizkit. Yes. It's just one of those days. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. This gets tougher. Mikey. Woods. Ramstein. Dang it. Wow. Here we go. Mikey. Let the bodies hit the floor. That was so loud. That was so loud. That was so loud. I loved it. I loved it. So loud. I loved it. It did seem loud over here. Because you're old. You're old. You have tinnitus.

1:29:31Actually, it seemed a little quiet. But I needed to turn it up just a bit. Excuse me? I could barely hear that. What? Disturbed? Got so long on that. Lauren's hanging in there, huh? Yeah, it's really fun. That's part of my Mikey show. You're doing good, Lauren. What's the score? Mikey won Woods 3. Oh, really? What do you ask me, then? Lauren. Pantera. Yeah! I just wanted to say my name. Mikey. Nine Inch Nails. Wow. Man, I would have known that one if I would have opened my mouth. Here we go. What? Mikey. Rage Against the Machine. Damn it! 3-3. 3-3? We're tied? This one's easy, Lauren. Come on. Woods. Woods. ACDC. It was really easy. I got you by hair. He did. Just barely. Here we go. Lauren, you know this one.

1:31:02Lauren. Pantera. Woods. Woods. Go ahead. Kid Rock. I got negative two. I didn't have a clue what that one was. Three remaining. What's the score? It's Mikey three, Woods five, LLB minus two. So we'll make each of these worth two points. I feel bad for you. I do. I do, too. I do. Oh, boy. Jay's mean. We'll make it up to you. Next week, we'll make it up to you. Sweetly. I don't know how. We'll do Grateful Dead songs. Yeah. We'll do all songs that remind us of kombucha. Mikey. Gosh. Metallica. Dang it. I didn't know that. Come on, Mike. Oh, that's two points. Here we go. Fine. Lauren. Pantera. Really? Nope. Never heard of that. System of a down. I was going to say it. Shoot. Get. How many left? Last one. Get. Last one. What's the score? Mikey, three. Woods, seven. It should be negative four, actually. Negative four for a little bit. So this is a five-pointer. Oh, my God. Mikey. Get. Corn. He's stuck his headphones off and walked away from the microphone and is making an obscene gesture right now. Oh, wow. That is obscene.

1:32:47That is a scene. Guy plays his heart out every week. Let me tell you, man. Somehow gets the shaft. Woods, let me just tell you. Not a closer. Played your heart out, pal. I did. Not a closer. Unbelievable. I hate that bit. But M won. Justin, you just won. Did you? Did you? That's your victory. Justin, M1 Justin, is a cheap, cheap victory. I take what I can do. Sorry, Jose. Hang on the line. No way, Jose. But I was going to win. Pantera. That's all I had. Funnily enough, no Pantera songs in there. Not one Pantera in there. Some big things happening. That movie Social Network killed it at the box office. Like 23 or something? 23 million, man. Yeah, people, they're saying it has a good shot to become a $100 million hit. Everybody's into Facebook and stuff. Yeah, I think I want to see it. I'll rent it. I want to see it. It's a rental for me. Also, Case 39 with...

1:34:00Renee Zellweger opened at number seven with 5.35 million. Scary. And then a new vampire movie called Let Me In. Weird. Yeah, weird. Blah. Debuted at number eight with 5.3 million. It sucks. Get it? You get that one? Oh, gee. Because it's a vampire. I heard it bites. Oh, wow. Because it's... I heard it... Never mind. I heard it bleeds red. Yeah, I heard it bleeds red blood. I heard it sparkles. Oh, boy. There's a study that just came out that said condom use is the highest. In young people. Weird. That actually kind of does surprise me because you would think that they would be irresponsible. They were, you know what I mean? Like I was irresponsible when I was younger. This is going to spin you out. Oh boy. Oh boy. I know what it is. I'm going to hate this. A vast majority. I don't like it already. Of sexually active 14 to 17 year olds. 80% of boys and 69% of girls.

1:34:58said that they used a condom the last time they had intercourse. Don't have sex till you get married. But if you do, wear a condom. I remember being 13 and hearing that girls in my grade were doing stuff like that. I was like, what? How do they even know what that is? See, that I've never bought because I knew what that was when I was little. I didn't. I was terrified. You didn't know what sex was when you were like seven and five? I kind of did, but the thought of it didn't seem fun. It seemed scary. But you knew what it was. I guess, but I was like, that's something grown-ups do. You're so little. Well, not at 14, though. Well, I was. When you were 14, you were thinking that's a grown-up thing? Yeah. Oh, man, that's high school. I was a freshman. I was a late bloomer. I was thinking, how can I make that happen? ASAP. Oh, man. ASAP. Not, well, I was, but I just knew there was no chance that I was going to. I was on the wait till marriage train for a long time. Fell off of it, but I was on it. Yeah, me too. Real hard. Are you willing to divulge how old you were? If you're not, you don't have to, but. 17. That's pretty old. I mean, in today's standards. Today's standards, yeah. They're starting at 14. But yeah, they're. You shouldn't. At least they're using condoms.

1:36:23At least. I mean, they are. Yeah, you know what? Don't rob a bank, but if you do, wear a mask. Oh, Mikey. If you do, don't rob a bank, but if you do, wear a mask. Yeah, it's illegal. It's also illegal for 14-year-olds to have sex. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. Not with each other. Not with each other. If one guy's older. If they're consenting minors, it's okay. I think so. I don't think it is okay. I think it is. We're not going to arrest them. They'll tell you to move along. I know that. Move along. I know you hate it. I know you hate it. I don't want it for my kids either. Hey, listen. Don't curse at people, but if you do, make sure that you hide your face. Say it nicely. Yeah, say it nicely. Please, come on. At least they're doing that. Oh! At least they're doing it right. I agree. If you're going to do it, do it right. We're going to do it. Keep it clean. I know. I feel your struggle. I know you struggle with it. Wrap that rascal. Yeah, wrap it up, kid. You know what we do? You know what we do? We do what our parents did. We don't talk about anything. No, I talk to my kids. Can you talk about it? Well, we don't tell our kids not to have sex until they get married. Yes, that's what they do. I told them to wait, but at the same time I gave them condoms. Well, then you're giving them two messages. There's two messages there. But if you do, don't. But if you do, do this. Well, I know what they're going to do.

1:37:41Oh, you don't. I do. They're not necessarily going to. Not everyone does. Really? Yeah, they don't. Not everyone does. Not everyone does. Not everyone does. That 5%. No, it's bigger than 5%. 6%. Six and a half. Oh, man. Yeah. It gives me agita. I know you hate it. I know you hate it. I know you struggle with it. I do. I do, man. Because it's not. It's a message. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's not true. Having sex before you get married isn't good. It's not good. It's not good for you. Wait until you get married. Your sex life will be freaking fantastic. Will it? It'll blow your mind. Yes. There's no guarantee. How do you know? You've never done it. Neither have I. Neither have I, but I've talked to people that have. I've never done it. I didn't do it. I screwed up. I had sex before I got married. I just know that there has been some girls that have passed through the halls of Isabel that... That we're not. We did the practice. We didn't mesh. They needed the practice. Not the first time. It's after they, you know. Overall. The halls of Isbell. The halls of Isbell. Genius. It's wrong. It's just wrong. Brilliant. I don't know that I ever, I'm so skeeved out by hearing the halls of Isbell. So great. Wrong.

1:38:57I'm sure his wife Kim right now is rolling her eyes like, really, with the halls of his belt? The halls are alive. The halls of his belt. Hey, what famous recording artist said something last week that made him say that it might ruin his next record deal? Are you going to agree with him? I don't agree with him, by the way. Find out what it is next. You about to get upset about it too? What? Fantasy football? I got killed. I don't even get upset anymore. I'm 1-3. I'm terrible. Second pick in the draft. 2-2. What's your issue, LLB? Oh, I was actually making fun of his drop that he does where he says, I hate fantasy so much. I was just looking at my fantasy football against you, Mike. We were neck and neck. I got lucky because of LT. Yeah. Neck and neck all day, and then as soon as I opened my mouth, you ran away with it. LT went crazy yesterday. Yeah, he did.

1:40:165701949. Haven't said the word of the day yet. It's conundrum. So when I work that into a sentence, then you call, you're caller number nine, and you will win a four-pack of tickets at SeaWorld. $236 value. It's real good. I believe it might even be more than that. Yeah, it probably is. The experience is priceless. There you go. The ticket was more than $59 when I went. That was it. Maybe it's a season. Did you get like a whale ride or something with that? No. Did you get to pet the whale tongue or something? No, I didn't do any of that. Did you get to club a baby seal or something? No. That's extra for sure. Didn't do any of that. Did you get to kiss fish? No, I didn't do that either. Did you have fish sticks? No, I didn't do that. I had a chicken sandwich. Did you get to make out with a black eye? No. You didn't? Almost. Too bad. Almost. I got a little butt grab in there, but that was about it. From a whale. Yeah. Which is actually a Chinese tourist that wins big at the casinos. Yeah, absolutely. They call them whales. They call them whales. Guy's a whale. Guy just came right up to LOB and went. So, Justin Timberlake. Yeah. Listen to what you said. You know, you're in that new movie. Yeah, Social Network.

1:41:43Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Me and Mark Zuckerberg. Where are you from? Oh, me? I grew up in... A real rough part of town? Tennessee. No, man. Tennessee, man. Yeah. You grew up in Tennessee? Yeah, man. In the streets. In the streets? I'm gangsta as it gets. You're a handsome white guy, though. Some might say handsome. Some might say... Gay looking, but I would say... Woods would say that. Woods would say gay looking. When he's doing the voice of you. Remember when I used to have my hair all curly? My hair. Remember that? No, try it. Remember that? Yes. And I look like a big queen. Here is Justin Timberlake commenting about Napster. Yeah. The more ironic... thing about it, probably, just as it pertains to me as a person, is I remember when Napster kind of blew up and hit the scene. He doesn't do. Not anymore. It went away. It went away. Weird. It's completely gone. It's because you're acting. That's right, man. I'm legit now. It was totally an act. Micah, I'm what they call a crossover, man.

1:42:49Where you went from the world of... Yeah. It's like when them porn stars become legit actresses, you know? That's what I did. Did you pick up that accent when you were performing at Disney World? Yeah, yeah. NC Six Flags, Knott's Berry Farm. Yeah. You know, place like State, County Furrow, you know, all them places like that. To his defense, L.O.B., NSYNC sold out, you know, arenas. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying that life is tough in Orlando. You know, we didn't never even... We never even read our own music, man. You know, the fat guy, Lou, man, he wrote it. You didn't write, bye, bye, bye? Nah, man, we didn't. Lou, that fat guy, Lou Pearlman, used to write it for us. Yeah, but you sang on it. Yeah, I sang on it, but, and I danced on it, but, you know. You can dance, I'll give you that much. Yeah. Listen, you danced it on it, but let me tell you something. Yeah. Let me tell you, though. You were good. Yeah. In all of those videos. I know. I mean, people can say what they will. Yo, dog, I know, dog. I used to have a crush on you. Yeah, I have a crush on myself. You sold it. Let me tell you something. You sold it more albums.

1:43:51Yeah, we did. We sold it a lot of records, man, in NSYNC. Me and, you know, the other boys I was in there with. Joey Fatone. Joey Fatone. No, no, no, it's pronounced Joey Fatone. Joey Fatone. Oh, my bad. Who else was in that with me, LLB? Jay-Z, Chavez, Chavez. The gay guy that was in the band. Lance Bass. Yeah, Lance Bass. Yeah, man, he legit. I was probably, I think, 19 or 20, so at the time, I obviously dropped out of school, too. But at the time, I would have been a college student. He's talking about illegal downloads. I'm probably really messing up my next record deal, but I feel like I identified with the defendants more than the plaintiffs. And I don't think that some kid in a dorm room was responsible. for ruining the music industry. I think the music industry will be around in a different form. And I think if people should point fingers, I think the record labels have to take some responsibility for not paying attention to the digital age. Yeah, you know, I wish I would shut up. Because now nobody's going to buy my record, man. Damn, Justin. I respectfully disagree with Justin Timberman. Tizzy, come on, man. I'd be kicking myself, man. Thank you. Idiot. All I know is that...

1:45:13I used to do it too, you know, before we paid. I downloaded stuff illegally. Right. I got a bid on that. What is it? I've got a bid on it. You think it's okay? I think it's fine because I'll tell you, hold on, dude, before you get all huffy and freak out, I'll tell you. Too late. Too late. Too late. Do you remember the day, do you remember the Maxell tapes that you could buy? Yeah. The blank tapes. Yeah. So I go get the new Van Halen. Right. And I make you a copy and hand it to you. Did you buy it? No. No. I made it for, how? One took you an hour to do. It takes 15 minutes. You just speed dub. One took you 15 minutes to do. Okay. One took you 20 seconds. Okay. And you didn't have to have your friend do it. You just did it right there in your house. It was so easy that you could download and download and download and download and download. Here's my thought on it. My deal is, is that if you do that, then these guys, they can't continue to do what they do. Can't they? No. Yeah, Metallica's really suffering. Okay, think about it though, bro. If nobody buys the albums because you know you don't have to, all you need is one person to buy the album, and they've now spent all the money to make the record, and they've now made $16 because one guy bought it, and everybody else got it for free. You can't just give it away. It's not free. I don't download music. I don't pirate music. You don't.

1:46:37pirate music now, but you do download music. I download music, yeah, but I pay for it. I have a $4,000 bill a month. Guess what? If it wasn't like that and it were free... It is. I can get it if I want, but I don't. See, when iTunes came out, I was like, I'm done with LimeWire and Napster and all that stuff because it took forever and sometimes it wasn't what you asked for. Crappy quality. Corrupted. I mean, I'd rather do it the legit way. I just wanted to be able to have it like that because now that's how you can get everything. Well, they're also charging 20 bucks for a CD that we know didn't cost that to make. And it was the record companies were making the gross amount of money off of that. The band records that come out on iTunes are like $11. On iTunes. Yeah. The CD in a record store. is more expensive. It is? Oh, yeah. You've got to account for the overhead and the packaging and the actual physical CD. But bands weren't really seeing that money as much as they see the tour money and then the merchandising. That's why merchandising is so expensive. So the bands that are smart are putting their stuff out on their own. They're putting it out for cheap, and they know what you're going to do with it, and then they're going to tour. Yeah, touring is where it's at now. Record companies, you know, that's why record companies are shutting down. And, you know, guys that used to have these gigs as A&R guys, and they would have all these bands under their belt.

1:47:51They used to do marketing for these bands. They don't do it anymore, really. Honestly, it's guys like Garrett, our program director, who are responsible for a lot of these band's successes. They play them on the radio. Or the guys who are passing it around. You've got to hear this band. If I'm in a band, Mike, if you and I are in a band together, we'd be butting hats because I'd say, dude, let's put it all out there because I want as many people to hear it as we can. You mean before we were signed? Yeah, or even when we were signed. Like Radiohead, they did a thing online. I know. You could even name your price, which is rad. They said pay what you think it's worth. They actually made a good amount of money on it. Yeah. I just like the old-fashioned stuff, man. Well, dude, hey, nothing got me more excited than, you know, in two weeks, a new Kings record comes out. And what I would have done. is on the way to work at 4 a.m. I would have found a Target that was open and bought it and listened to it on the way. It'll be in my iTunes that day I wake up. See, and my thing was like, I don't like a lot of clutter. So now I kind of like that I don't have the case. Because once I put that into a sleeve that I want to bring in my car or whatever, I don't want the pack. What do I do with the CD case, the jewel case now? It's just trash. Yeah, I get it. So much trash. Let's see. M1 Rhino from San Diego. Are you there?

1:49:07Yeah, what's up, Mikey? How you doing, man? Pretty good, dude. What did you want to say? Good deal, man. What you guys aren't really mentioning is how it's completely changing the industry for the small-time guys. Now everything, everything is, it's all digital. All these bands, they just do everything online, you know? It's easier for them, is it not? In a way, yes. Now they can't just have the... The one guy, you know, to run everything. Now it's all independent bands. We're all doing this, man. We're just, you know, we have to go to promote our own shows. Let's see. M1, Maiden fan from Carmel Mountain. Hey, man. Quality versus quantity. If you want quality, you buy the CD. There's a couple bands I will buy every time they put out. Me too. And if you want good sound, you buy the CD. If you're just okay with... You know, digital, I download stuff, I buy it, but it's never the same. And if you're an audiophile, you want quality. So you're telling me that your CD that you go buy at the store sounds better than the thing you buy on iTunes? The MP3 is, like, so compressed. Oh, bingo, Ms. Lauren. It's trash. You know what? You can change the settings, though. Seriously, I want to try a test.

1:50:32We should do it. Let's do it with a new Kings record. I'll go buy it because I'm going to buy it on CD. I wonder if Garrett's office is open right now. Yeah. We'll go grab a CD and then we'll try it on MP3 and we'll see if listeners can tell the difference. Oh, that's a good game. But for me, I'm like, and I feel like I have a decent ear. I don't know. We'll see if we can tell the difference. Sweet. It depends on what your recording level is set into your iTunes as well because you can set it for just low or the highest. When you put it in there. Can you? There's preferences. Yeah, there's absolutely preferences when you're loading your music in. Oh, I'm fascinated right now. Playback. No, it says it's all the same on this. Go into preferences. I did. That's what I'm looking at. Where's preferences? I don't even have that. I'm looking at it right now. Oh, boy. But I don't see anything. I think what you're talking about is when you're burning something to a CD. No, it's when you're loading your music in, for sure. Oh, there you go. Use iTunes for internet playback. Is this right? I had no idea. Then come do it over here, Jay. 5701949. You want to comment? I do like the way that when I put a CD in my CD player in my car, it's louder. Like on my iPod, it only feels like a certain level. When I put a CD in, I can rock out with a CD. It's weird. You know why, though.

1:52:06Because you have one of those deals that broadcast an empty FM signal. Yeah, exactly. Mine's plugged in direct. And to me, I can't tell. To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. Here it is. Oh, don't mess with me. To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. I got to do a look up in the tree. Who else is a leprechaun? Come do it over here, too. Which one should I put it on? You guys are nerds. Captain Audio. Which one do I put it on, Jay? Really? When you insert a CD, that's what you're telling it. You're telling it what to burn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're telling it when you burn a CD. No, that's import settings, Mikey. That's why it says import settings. When you're importing anything? But Jay, it says when you insert a CD. Right, because you're importing music using a CD.

1:53:09It's an import setting. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay, then you misunderstood. What I'm saying is I want to take a CD from Garrett's office and put it in the CD player. Okay. And I want to test that up against the same song on an MP3 that I have. Yeah. Right. And see which one sounds, if we can tell. Download one of these. Yeah, but weren't those burned from MP3s? Oh, yeah. I'm an idiot. Thank you. It's all right. Maybe we can try. Maybe the next break. We'll do it. What would Sienna be doing right now? Guys, let's move on! Oh, come on now. She keeps us focused. Hello, hello, yes? Is this Sienna's grandmother? No, this is the voice of old-time radio. The voice that never ends, the voice from the past, the voice that goes on and on into infinity. Oh, shut your mouth.

1:54:09Old Time Radio is where we listen to what radio used to be like back in the golden age of radio. Can we do this one already? Nope, it's another one. Oh, it's another Charlie Chan? Yeah, we went right back to Charlie Chan. Why wouldn't you? The incomparable Charlie Chan. Already I challenged that. I believe that there was somebody that compared. Yes. To Charlie Chan. I was there and nobody compared. Nobody? He was the best. Gong kills Woodsy. Woodsy hears a gong. And immediately he's all the way in as soon as he hears it. You already said that. The what of the West? Science. Science of the West. CSI Chinatown. Got it.

1:55:25Oh my God. I sound a little like a woman. That wasn't stereotypical at all. Santa Claus? Did he say inedible Santa Claus? I think it's inaudible Santa Claus. to this undeserving person and showered fame with many presents but tonight santa claus brought highly questionable gifts to jellyton tonight santa claus gives pound of crow crane which is a questionable gift music of the orient Why is everybody honorable? Everyone's honorable. Everybody is honorable. Santa Claus is honorable. Oh, honorable Charlie Chan, welcome you to honorable. No, he's undeserving. Undeserving Charlie Chan. The man who murdered Santa Claus. The honorable man. Who honorably murdered. The honorable Santa Claus. Honorably murdered. Sometimes in the dead air, you could drive.

1:57:03A freight train. I love that music. Strike up the band. How come we don't have that anymore? Thank God. We could go to the bathroom. On top of Cherry Hill, one of San Francisco's wealthiest suburbs, spends the mansion outside of Granger, famous art collector and philanderer. Philanderer? Guy that recorded that probably wearing a tuxedo. 100%. In a recording studio. With a ruffled top. With a ruffled top. Looked like Mr. Peanut. Charlie Chan is the number one son. That's right. The annual Christmas party given for the police opening. Fake accent. Totally fake. 100%. Yes? Oh, Inspector Chan. Merry Christmas. Come on in. Merry Christmas, Miss Granger. This person not aware you are attending duties of Butler for your uncle. Uncle Si's got sex and running 100 errands for him. I cannot, you know. It's really. The guy from China and the American woman. I cannot understand you. Mikey, don't forget about crackling noise. Sorry, I thought that was the phone ringing. Turns out it was my doorbell. That's right. How to understand you through crackling record. I don't know. Maybe you spend the $4 to get a new needle for record. Or I don't know.

1:58:36Maybe you wipe a croft across the record. That's a fake accent again. Hello. You know, we don't celebrate Christmas. But okay. Santa Claus no exists. Not for me. Question. What? How long were these? Hour and a half. Are they gone forever? Are you kidding? Oh, yeah. What else did you have to do back then? Were you going to watch Friends? You sat there with a radio and you listened to it for an hour and a half on your belly, on the floor, in the living room, with your hands up to your face like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. That's what you did. You alone spoke me up. You've balanced books incorrectly, Mr. Granger. Police department in bed to you. Oh, nonsense. We don't say nonsense to people anymore. No, we don't. It's nonsense.

1:59:32It's ridiculous. We say ridiculous. We should say that it's nonsense. I can't tell who's who. I know. I'm like lost with these guys. The accents are weird. Terrible. Again with a door. That sounds like a telephone. I can't tell if there's a telephone to the door. There's my pager. Yes, pagers won't be invented for 150 years, so it can't be that. Perhaps an alarm clock. Yes, it's an alarm clock. Maybe we get sound effects that sound like what they are. For instance. Would it be so hard to get a ding-dong? Can we get a ding-dong? Oh, I know what that sound was. Lauren, always with the ding-dong. Thank you. Get those chairs in section and then get back here. We've got to wrap the toys yet. What? Not a word. Don't understand one freaking word that you said. No comprende. Yeah. No comprende. Yes. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr. Grr.

2:00:58Maybe you keep looking. We interrupt this racist broadcast. You know Verizon? Got to pay up to 90 million in refunds. You going to be one of the people that get a refund? You want to know why, by the way? Words of wisdom coming up. Don't go away. It's really incredible. You have two members of Obama. that could sing. You had Greg Rowley and then you had Steve Perry and it was really a conundrum. Which would you choose? Which would sing? And it turned out that it was Steve Perry in the end. What he did was he ate Greg Rowley one night after a drunken bar fight. He actually ate him up. Did you see him at the Giants thing? He was at the Giants game. Was he? Yeah, live. Steve Perry. He's a Giants fan. Yeah. Boo. City by the Bay. Great. That's their bit. Yeah. That's right. Bet he wishes he hadn't quit.

2:02:21Yeah. Journey's just still touring real good. Real good. Tearing it up without him. That can't be good. Let's try it again, but I don't know if you know. We're getting like an inflection there, like an affectation. When you do that. Like an accent. Like an accent. We can hear the accent. So, Trey. No, no, no, no. We're going to do that again. We're going to take that from the top. But I want you to say, and I want you to say it with me right now. Go lights. Right. No. Lights. Right. No. Lights. Right. Maybe it'll happen when you sing it. When the riots... No, that's not. So you're changing the song when you change the word. You're saying something different. It sounds just like Steve Perry. He sounds just like him. Scary. Yeah. M1 Danny from Claremont. What was the word of the day? Conundrum. Yeah. You got it. This one, a SeaWorld four-pack worth $236, my friend. Good for you. Hang on the line, please.

2:03:52Get you all dialed in with that. Verizon Wireless, $90 million in refunds. For what, Woods? They were charging a little bit too much for megabyte data access. And what they're going to have to do is 15 million customers will receive credits of $2 to $6 on their October or November bills. Oh, sweet. About time. We'll look forward to that. Some will receive larger sums. Customers no longer with the New York-based carrier will get refund checks. Really? Yeah. Get a $2 check. Throw that in the garbage. Yeah. You don't throw it in the garbage. It's not worth the gas to drive to the bay. Well, if you've got a stack of checks. There you go. Just stack it in there. Would you like to make a deposit, please? Yeah. That whole thing. Actually, I'm just going to cash it. Give me a couple lottery tickets. I want to put half of it in my savings and half of it in my checking. Put some towards my Roth IRA, too. I also want to, if I can, I'd like to buy some prudential insurance. Can I get 50 cents back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In dimes, please. Woods of Wisdom, you can call in for. 570-1949. Woods is our guy's guy.

2:05:12I like it when they call in. Me too. Yeah, yeah. What's that guy's guy eat? Stop this music abruptly. Thank you. He will answer your questions about girls, clothes. I'll try. I'll do my best for you. No questions about fantasy. Yeah. Yeah, fantasy movies. And really fantasy football, for that matter. I'm terrible. Yeah. I'm terrible. One in three. This is ridiculous. It's not your fault some people don't show up to play. Yeah. It's not my fault that our league is terrible. What? And it has stupid rules. What? Asinine rules that I've never seen in any fantasy football league in the history of fantasy football. All right. So stupid. All right, Woods, you ready? I'm ready. People can call in if you have a question for Woods. I carry an extra kicker in defense. Woodsy, I have a good friend who I hang out with every weekend. It's a group of us, actually, and we get together and hang out. Well, this dude's girlfriend talks to me a lot, and I'm picking up the vibe. Oh, boy. Understand. I'm writing because I don't want to ruin anything with my friend, and it bugs me that she does it. She's way cute, but not mine. How do I get her to back off so that I don't have to deal with it? M1ST. Man, that is a tough E. That's happened to me before, actually. And I kind of bowed out of the situation. I just kind of stopped hanging out, really, truly. I mean, that's actually happened to me before, and I was like, look.

2:06:40I'm not going to slay my friend's girl. Right. You know? I want to. I would do it. Yeah. But I'm not going to. Because I want to get killed. So you got away from the situation. I kind of got away from the situation. And, you know, eventually their relationship ended. And I probably could have gotten in there if I wanted to. But I didn't. I didn't. Well, if a girl's acting like that, you probably know that it's not going to last. Right, and you can't, you know, here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to go to your friend and go, hey, pal, by the way, your old lady's been hitting on me a lot. Your buddy would be like, no, Mikey, because then, what if she's not? What if she's just friendly and flirty? You tell your friend what she did. No way. What she said, what she did. I would talk to her before I talk to the friend. Oh, I'd want to know, man. Because what if... Yeah, like Wood said, you're reading into the situation. What if the guy's like, oh, really, pal? You're just that good? Then you're going to blow your relationship with your friend. This next one is similar. There's kind of a theme going on with these. Mikey, I'm in a pickle, and I was hoping you could help me out a couple days ago. My best friend took some of my sunglasses from me without telling me. Okay, took a pair of sunglasses from him to mess with him. Okay, as a bit?

2:07:52I guess, but I don't really get that as a bit. It's a funny bit. It can be a funny bit. Yeah, I said bit again. Took a sunglasses. Don't let that stuff get in your head. Feast. Next. Some guy wrote on the Facebook page, Toe Woods is up saying 100%, 1000% and bit. Whatever. Feast is what I said. This is genius. A couple days ago, my friend took some of my sunglasses from me without telling me, and as a joke for messing with me, I decided to change his Facebook password. What? Which, by the way, I wonder, how did he know it anyway? You have to know it to change it. To change it, yeah. Maybe because it was saved on his computer? But you have to retype it, though. Oh. He said I did it because he's on there 24-7. He is a big-time promiscuous dude and has been around a lot. So when I was in his account, another friend and I decided to take a look at his messages to get a kick out of what he said to girls. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Genius. That's genius? That's mean. It's mean, but it's... To me, it's not even mean. It's dirtbaggy. It's dirtbaggy, but it's funny. All right. Okay. Depends on how old you are. Right. Yeah, if you're like 16, that's like... Hysterical. Super funny. Yeah.

2:09:08We came upon a message from my ex-girlfriend. Oh, no. See what happens when you go sniffing around? Yes, ladies. I read the messages and saw that my quote-unquote best friend was trying to close the deal with my ex-girlfriend. Oh, gosh. She told him she had a dream about him. And my best friend started asking questions about if there was sex in the dream, how it was, and how they could make that a reality. My ex told him that it wasn't going to happen because he was a friend of hers and her ex-boyfriend's best friend, me. Now, by the way, I want to stop here and say the girl here. No, I can't do that. No, I can't. I want to tell you that I had a dream about you. Like, what kind of... She's a creep, too. She is a creep, too. Wait a minute. She's a creep. She's a creep, Ella B. She's a creep, Ella B. Okay, I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend's friend the other day. And you told him? No, no, no. I almost did on Facebook, and then I was like, what do I hope to accomplish? Yeah. Fast forward the tape. What is he going to think when you say that? It was a funny dream that I had, but I was like... Well, if you go, hey, I had a dream that you were a toucan. Yeah, yeah. That's... Okay, great.

2:10:29But if you go, hey, I had a dream about you the other night, he's like, oh, Lauren wants it. Yeah, and you know, I mean, even, hey, I had a dream about you as a toucan, it's going to be like, were we naked? I mean, a guy sees an inch, he's going to take a mile, period. Ladies, don't tell a guy you had a dream about you. But also, as a general rule, do any of us ever really care about anyone else's dreams? If a girl says to you, she had a dream about you and you're a guy? But someone will be like, oh my gosh, I had a dream the other night that you did this and you did this. I'll be like, oh my gosh, it's so funny. It's fascinating. Weird. Tell me about your fantasy team. Who'd you start this week? Who'd you bench? But I almost did exactly what this girl did. I hate hearing about people's dreams. Hey, what did your horoscope say today? I'm fascinated that you're a Sagittarius. Will you tell me what your horoscope said? You're going to have a killer week. I'm going to hang myself. Let me finish reading this to you. My best friend. Then said that that was not a problem for him. It had been years since we went out. It was just sex. And if she changed her mind to just let him know. I have no interest in going back with my ex. We ended things almost three years ago and have not spoken since. I have a dime I've been with for two years now. But I still can't help but think that my best friend is violating some sort of bro code. Is he?

2:11:59He doesn't know that I've read the messages, so should I confront him or does he have a point? Am I getting my panties in a bunch over nothing? I appreciate anything you guys might have on this. Your friend is a dirtbag. Yeah. Period. By the way, you're telling that to a guy who went into his Facebook. Doesn't matter. And started reading his messages. And thank goodness he did because look what he found out about this clown. Fine, but they're both. They're both in the wrong. Absolutely. One person was being a prankster. He was trying to be a prankster, but then he got... Was he? You know what? I always say, if you're not dating her anymore, she's open game. Oh, boy. Come on. There's bro code. There's bro code, Jay. Really? I don't care. The reason I broke up with her is because I don't care about hanging out with her any longer. Maybe you do. No, I don't. If you got a divorce from Kim, you're telling me... I would never get a divorce from Kim. You have to use somebody else as an example because Kim is an ex-girlfriend. Missy. Missy, a girl I dated forever. Okay. So I can go hit Missy. Absolutely, 100%. I'll tell you what she likes and doesn't like. That's creepy. Oh, gross. I'm not talking about that, you weirdos.

2:13:07Oh, yeah, you were talking about the pasta she preferred. She likes rice crackers with peanut butter and jelly on it. She loves pesto and cocaine. Yeah, just so you know, but she really, really likes the brigatine. So take her there and get dinner. She likes drinks. She likes daisies. Yeah, she likes daisies. Gerber daisies. That was a vibe. Yeah, I think you should confront your friend and say, hey, pal, I was... I was snooping on your Facebook. I was changing your account on your Facebook. All I was doing was changing your account info and then looking at your messages while I was in your Facebook page. Creep. What kind of jerk are you? I would ask him. I'd go, so how's... No, you know what I would do? I would do this bit. Let's say her name's... Missy. Missy. I would go... Have you talked to Missy lately? Really? Have you heard from Missy? You know what? No, this is it. I just got it. You know who I've been thinking a lot about lately? Oh, boy. We're having beers at the bar. We're in PB. Me and Mike. Can I be him? You'd be him. Yes. You know who I've been thinking a lot about? Who? Do you remember Missy? Dude, I just heard from Missy. That's crazy you said that. No kidding. Yeah. How, what? How'd that happen? I don't know. She just said, hey, what's up? And I was like, what's up? And that was it.

2:14:26That's weird. It's trippy. It's so weird that you mentioned Missy. Yeah, how's she look? Well, all I saw was just, you know, like when they write you a message, it's their picture there. She looks all right? The same, you know. Good? Looks good? I wonder if she's seen anybody, because I've been thinking a lot about her, man. Dude, you've got a girlfriend. What kind of creep? I do, man, but we had three years together, and I'm just going to think about that stuff. Come on, dude. You've got a girl, bro. You can't do that. Let me tell you something. Once you get a thought like that in your head, dude, once you start to let your mind go there. You're a creep, Mike. You're a creep. You told me. You told me. You told me. You told me to do the exercise. You are a creep. Okay, let me do it. That's what you came up with? I'll do it with you. Hey, dude. I would be like, okay, I'll show you what I would do. Hey, you know what I was thinking about the other day? Who? You're on Missy. What? I didn't do anything. I don't know what you're talking about. That would be me. I can't have no poker face. Yeah, I can't have no poker face. Don't you? No, no, I don't. I can't lie. Here, this would be me. I'm like George Washington. Hey, your ex-girlfriend, she sent me an email about hooking up.

2:15:41Thinking about it. Would you? Oh my gosh. I go, dude, you can't hook up with my ex-girlfriend. If I was single, really. And you just like to, like, the key to this, though, is his buddy's very promiscuous and he gets around a lot. So you know he's just going to go out and hit it and not talk to her again. You don't want that for your ex. It's filthy. You don't. It's like maybe there's a chance for them both to be happy. Maybe they're perfect for each other. M1 John. M1 John from National City is on the line. He's a black guy. And he says, John, are you there? You say white guys do this more than black guys. They're off limits for the rest of your life. I agree with that. I find that white guys will sleep with their best friends, girlfriends, or ex-girlfriends way more than black guys. 100%. I agree. No black dude would. ever do that, right? No, but I mean by and large

2:17:01We stay in the North Park area. Specifically where? Where and what time? What time? I mean, literally, what's the address? I'm off at 10, I have lunch, and then like 1. Oh, boy. Listen, if somebody were to give you an address. That's pretty much it. You know what I mean? Once you date somebody. You can't. They're off limits for the rest of your life. Yeah, I agree. And I think that. You know, I can't do it. I was going to throw somebody under the bus. I just can't do it. I was going to. I'll tell you a story. I won't say who. I dated a girl. And years later, a guy that I knew said to me, hey, man, because she was coming to visit. She was going to visit me. And this friend of mine says, hey, man, I just need to let you know that this one time after you guys were broke up, we did not hook up. But she came over to my apartment. And we she came in and we went into my room and we were sitting on my bed and she was like coming on to me. And I was like, hey, we can't go there because, you know, Mike's my friend. And you still wanted to murder him, did you not? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't believe that nothing happened. If she ended up in a bedroom. Yeah. I don't believe that nothing happens. People pass out.

2:18:20What? If you end up in a bedroom with someone? So you're saying to me that a guy and a girl go into a bedroom and the girl says, you know, she's giving you the vibe that I want to do stuff in this bedroom. And the guy's like. Or she could have. You mean she passed out like that and he was like, hey, listen. I would love to, but I can't because Mike, boom, and she passes out. I'm just saying, were they drinking? Of course. Yeah, and sometimes, come here, I just want to show you something. And then by the time you get down to it. Something happened. Something. Of course. Something happened. In fantasy land, it could happen. My question is, what was she doing at your apartment? Absolutely. Why'd you let her in? Stamp collection. Got to see it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's, you know. You know. Let's see. Got more woods of wisdom. I'm having fun. Oh, my gosh. I laughed so hard at that last one. I'm sorry. That was crazy. I shouldn't laugh at your expense, but that was. We've all been through stuff like that. Yeah. But, you know, it just goes to show you, like, I mean, I've been guilty of doing that before in the past. You sniff around, you're going to find what you don't like. What do you mean? Oh, I'm sniffing around. I'm sniffing around.

2:19:36L.O.B., would you be upset at a girlfriend that dated a guy that you dated? Yeah. I don't think it really happens with girls, like, ever. Ever? Girls don't do that? They just know not to do that? I think they do, but they'll be more likely to, like, get in a relationship and marry the guy than, like, just, like. Date him. Hook up. Yeah. Oh, I think I would not. And they'll be like, I don't care. I don't like her anywhere. And if Jay, if you said that to me, I'd be like, Jay, that's not cool. And what would you say if I said, Jay, that's not cool? Well, back in the day, I would have said, oh, I guess I lost a friend. Holy cow. Wow. I would never expect. I think I just haven't even, like, put that scenario into question because I would never expect one of my girls to even, like, come up to me and ask me that. They just know. I dated through whole groups of girls. I mean, like, you'd go from friend to friend. Maybe in high school. Like, in high school, that happened all the time. Yeah, if you live in a town where there's 12 people and everybody's noodling on the weekends. No, where I grew up, though, it's like you go, you know. People aren't going to stay together forever. They stay together for like three weeks. Yeah, but you don't hook up with them. Don't you? You shouldn't. They did. I know, but it's not right. But it still happened. It's your friend, man. But in high school, they were like, whatever. Sometimes it's one night stands. Yeah. I know. There's Mikey's brain. Oh, my gosh. It's true, though. I mean, it is. It happens. The friendships come from the heart. From the heart. But the older you get, the more you should be thinking instead of being impulsively thinking with your...

2:21:03Sexual organs. Yes, of course. Oh, my gosh. You'd like to help. M1 Rachel from San Diego. Hi. Hi. I'm not sure if you guys covered this, but, I mean, if a guy likes a girl and the girl went out with his friend before, if he asks permission, is that a big deal? Yes. Because that's what happens to me. Yes, because that means, you know what that means? If you ask me permission, it means that you... You're telling me what you think about her. I don't want you to think that about her. So you have ownership of this girl? No, I don't. There's other circumstances, though. I mean, like the guy moved. We were in a small town. Yeah, there's circumstances. He called him up and said, hey, bro, I really like your ex and we're friends and do you mind if I date her? I thought that was kind of chivalrous. Yeah. It depends on how close the friends are, too. And it depends on how... intense your relationship was and how long you dated. If you guys wanted a couple dates, it didn't work out. Great. Yeah, I'm going to move in. Not over here. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. Okay, for instance. We were young. How old? Pardon me? How old? 19. Are you still with the friend? Oh, gosh, no. Oh, okay. We're all friends. We're all still friends. Well, that's cool. Yeah. Oh, creepy. I dated a guy from college for like three years, but we broke up.

2:22:23I don't know, like four or five years ago or something like that. He has friends that are all over the country, and I don't really talk to my ex at all anymore. I don't really talk to most of his friends. So if we just somehow hit it off under certain circumstances, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't be like, you don't owe him anything. Yeah, that's like ancient history. Yeah, you don't owe him anything. Right. Aren't you guys afraid of hurting somebody's feelings? I'm very much afraid of that all the time. You don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. It depends on how close the dudes are. It depends on how close the situation is. Yeah, and they've passed. I don't know. They've passed. They died? No, they've passed on the situation. They've given up on the situation. It's no longer, they've quit. You know, it's like they're not still in a relationship. If they were still dating, yeah, obviously, no way. It isn't necessarily about my feelings for the ex. It's about... what my friend is willing to do. Yeah, for a piece. Maybe it's just not the piece. Maybe it's a relationship. It's long term. But here's the deal. I think with every guy, and we could probably all agree on this, there's a couple that you'd be mad about. In my case, there's a few that I could care less. But there's a couple that I'd be like, really? That you had to go after her? Not me. Every one of them. No. I could care less about any of it. I bet you I know one you wouldn't care. Give me the name.

2:23:42No, don't say that name. I didn't say it. I mouthed it. But you wouldn't care. Of course not. Kim's the only one I would care. Well, you're married. Yeah, exactly. I married the one that I wanted to stay with for the rest of my life. All the others were before her. They're fair game. They're fair game. I'll give you a list and some phone numbers. They all walk down the halls of Isabel. The halls of Isabel. There's a plaque on the wall for each of them. The lady that wrote the Harry Potter books. J.K. Rowling. Yeah, that's right. J.K. Rowling. She revealed that Michael Jackson actually hit her up with an idea before his death, and it was quite creepy. Imagine that. I know. Isn't that strange to believe? I don't actually think there was anything creepy about it. When you tell the story, I think that people will, by and large, think that there was a good idea. There's some texts that we're getting about this topic. 949mikey at gmail.com is our text.

2:25:23Number one, Night Scream said, if his friend was trying to close a deal with an ex-girlfriend and hasn't told his friend, what has he possibly tried with the current girlfriend or other exes? Interesting point. Absolutely. Great point. I mean, they both sound like kind of they're in a weird friendship. You know, a lot of bits going on. Not a lot of respect for each other. No, the glasses. You know, the... The thing is is that well, I mean that doesn't bother me so much and the pranks and stuff because I'm a bit of a prankster myself as you guys know I think that's a funny bit. Maybe I'll take your phone and hide it. Why don't you go crazy? That's hysterical to me, but yeah, I don't know it just sounds like Sounds like one friend is a lit has a little bit of a problem with the opposite sex, and the guy wants constant tastes, different tastes, and he'll do whatever he's got to do to get there. Sounds like a typical opposite sex to me. I know guys like that. Mikey, I would never do anything with another person's man. That is just absolutely tasteless, sign. Angelina Jolie. Unbelievable. I find that hard to believe. Mikey, I'd absolutely be okay with a friend dating my ex. I'm close with all of them.

2:26:38And if you've broken up, then you've broken up, and it's usually for a reason. Word. Keep them close for a JIC, just in case. Yeah, just in case. Hey, listen. A little backslide. I don't believe in that. They have a chance to be happy together, you know? There you go. Why let your own insecurity get in the way of their possible happiness, especially if you're with someone? Well, when they say that if you've broken up with them, then it's usually for a reason. It's always for a reason. Right. Okay? So we know that. We understand that. Captain Obvious. Didn't work out. And it isn't about an insecurity. It's about respect. You know, there's quite a few fish out there in that sea. Oh, yeah. Did you just roll your eyes? No. No, I was thinking of something. I was thinking of something. I thought you were going, oh, please. No, no. Totally. I'm on your side. You know that. I was rolling my eyes. It's called a break because it's broken. Yeah, it's broken. Yeah, I understand. No, I was just going along with that. Here's what I say. Get some. Gross. Mikey, I'm a firm believer in the bro code, or girl code in my case. My current boyfriend and I broke up for a while, and I found out that while we were apart, he and a friend of mine kissed. Awkward. He has since told me about it now that we're back together, but I can't look at her the same way anymore.

2:28:05And I now feel uncomfortable around them together. You're on a break. Sleazy on both their parts. Yeah. Katie. Yeah, when you're on a break, though, man, you cannot do that. You can do whatever you want on a break. No. Not with friends. Not with friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But other than that, you can do whatever you want. And of course your significant other is going to have good-looking friends. You can't. Right. We were on a break! We were on a break! Probably her idea to go on a break, too. I guess maybe she didn't go on a break again. Yeah. Oh, boy. Mikey, my dad dated my mom's sister first. Yeah, that happened in my family. My mom was going to set my dad up with her sister. It didn't work out. A couple times it's happened in my family. You tried to set your wife up with Eddie. I did. It's hysterical. Well, but it'd be one thing if something had happened. Right, right. You know, we probably wouldn't be together right now. Right. Yeah, and back then, dates were different. Yes. Dates meant class and respect. Flowers and the whole bit. Yeah, now they mean smushing. Yeah, now it means slaying. There's still dates. Not that I've been on. Well, I wouldn't know.

2:29:20Yeah, Halls of Isabel. Jay hadn't dated since 76, so I wouldn't take his word for it. 1776. Old time radio. My ex-fiance of four years is now married to my best friend. They started dating two months after we broke up. And I was the maid of honor. That is fantastic. They were engaged. Awkward. They're still married and have two beautiful boys. I couldn't be happier for them. Couldn't you? Yes. Weird, man. So weird. Hey, listen. You know, we used to. Yeah, there are different circumstances for every situation. But as a general rule, as a general rule, generally, you don't do that. I could not stand up there at the altar with someone that I used to be with. And watching it married to my best friend. I just couldn't. If I ever died and you were no longer with Jamie, I would haunt you. Of course. If you ever. And I never would. How long have you been dead? As far as you know. Paper! As far as you know. Stop it! They made a movie about that. It was like Eva Longoria was haunting somebody. Really? Must miss.

2:30:49Directed DVD. Absolutely. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's out on maternity leave. That's Jay, our producer. And our phone screener today is Will. Maybe Sienna calls in and says hi. Yeah. Little angel. She's listening. Call in. Maybe we go to Pinnacle Peak sometime this week. What's that? Sienna's boobs? Coffee place? Climbed at the top. Yeah. Climb on up, kid. It's a restaurant. Oh, okay. Let me try that. Is that the one I call Ponderosa? Every time. What is it? FM 94.9. Lauren, I just said Pinnacle. I know, but what kind of place is it? It's cowboy food. That chicken, you know? Oh, a real meat and potatoes kind of place? Oh, yeah. A pot of beans. Oh, dude. Let's go. I'm in. That's so good. Jared is our graphic designer. And if you want to hire him, go to createyourdesignonline.com. Man, the dude is talented. Hollywood-style stuff, high-end stuff. He'll do your website. He'll do business cards for you. He's quick. He is, man. He can do it. He turns that stuff around fast. So check him out, createyourdesignonline.com. Okay, so J.K. Rowling, she wrote all the Harry Potter stuff. Harry Potter? Mm-hmm. You don't say. God.

2:32:20She went on the Okra Winfrey show. Gets me every time. And was talking about... Oh, boy. Oh, boy. My computer failed me. Was talking about how before Michael Jackson died... Oh, my computer. Wait, wait, wait! From the author of Harry Potter! Basically what she said. That's right. All right, so here she is talking about... We could recreate it for you if you like. Here she is talking about what Michael Jackson wanted to do. It could be so much worse. It could be. Michael Jackson wanted to do the musical. Really? Mm-hmm. That's big that you didn't want Michael Jackson to do. Said no to a lot of things. Do you control all of it? No, I mean... Why is Oprah talking? Yeah, she is. I control all of it. She thinks she's Madonna. She's picking up... Do you not? What? You would do the same thing. I do the same thing. You guys know that.

2:33:25Do you like Basel? Do you park in a garage? Could you please turn your mobile phone off? Turn it off because we're doing an interview. This is a show for the telly. That's right. Is there a loo around here? I do that, dude. You send me to England for a week, I'll come back and be like, cheerio! I do it to some degree as well. I've never seen someone pick it up as quickly as you. Work on it and do voices and stuff like Craig Gass. Can't do anything. 5701949. I made a great dinner last night. If you want the recipe, I put it on my blog. What was it again? It was vodka penne. That was one of my favorites. Maybe the missus makes that right tonight. Rebecca didn't like it. She said she did, but I can tell. My wife made cupcakes. They were delicious. Rebecca said. The texture may not be my favorite thing, but it's good. I'm like, oh. You're lying to my face. So you ate it. Why are you lying? So you ate it. Just so you ate it. Oh. Poor Mikey. Oh, poor me. It is weird texture sometimes. It's just like sauce, though, isn't it? No, it can be like, it's like thick but not chunky. That's what? I got an email for you. Since it's deteriorated to this. Oh, gosh. I got more Woods of Wisdom, too. They're good.

2:34:53Maybe we save them. That one got me so good. That one was great. Got me. Let's see. Hey, Mikey, I heard you talk about how you consider yourself a fuddy-duddy when it comes to today's kids and our culture in general. So I'd love to get your take on this. My wife and I have gotten into it a few times because she allows our nine-year-old daughter to have a Facebook account. Not only does she allow her to have it, she thinks I'm ridiculous and old-fashioned for saying she should get rid of it. I think it's totally unnecessary and inappropriate. I don't even have a Facebook account. Why does my nine-year-old need one? My wife's argument is that she sets the privacy controls and it's just a way for her to communicate with her classmates. I think it's also a way for her to be open to online perverts and all kinds of adult content she doesn't need to see. I am going to keep insisting she deletes her account. Am I being unreasonable? M1 midshipman. No, dude, she's nine. She'll need a Facebook.

2:35:58Exactly. What does a nine-year-old need a Facebook for? She doesn't. She doesn't. Yeah. Period. Yeah. She doesn't even have a period yet, and you've got a Facebook account. I've seen kids that have Facebook pages, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable because I see some of the posts that people put on Facebook. Listen, if your parent and your kid's nine or whatever and has a Facebook account, don't get upset with me. Listen, I'm just giving you my opinion. Mine too. I just would be like, hey, come on, man. Nine. Maybe it's really not the kid's account. Maybe the mom is just using the kid's name and updating so the grandparents or whoever can look at the pictures of the kid. Can't she do that on her zone? I don't know. Mom? Can't mom put those on hers? How many nine-year-olds know how to update and update their data? All of them now. They probably know more than we do. They got iPhones now. I mean, kids are crazy with technology, and they're little sponges, and they can soak up anything. I've seen Mikey's son, Jake, with his iPad, playing games and stuff on the iPad. He's four. He's four. He just turned four. The kid's a wizard on that thing. Yeah. Like a father-like son. Jasper could care less about that kind of stuff. How old's Jasper? He's seven. He's seven? Hey, Jay, do me a favor.

2:37:04I wonder if he's in school. See if Rebecca's, if you can get Rebecca and if Jake is already in school or if he's home. Okay. He does this thing, dude, that is so crazy. There's this app on the iPad and it's for taking a photograph that's black and white and using your finger you can make it color in wherever places you want. Oh, I love that. Comes with a tutorial that's about five minutes long. Well, Jake loves the tutorial. He's memorized it. No way. It's so funny slash weird. That's hysterical. Is he doing it in a British accent? No, it's not British. Slide your fingers across the iPad. Yeah, but all of a sudden you'll hear him go, if you want to zoom in.

2:37:53you can zoom in for a finer touch. No way. That's brilliant. A softer touch will allow you to use the iPad in a new and inventive way. No way. I'll just sit there and I'll just listen to him doing it. While he's listening to it or just randomly? No, the iPad won't even be around. And he'll just start to say it. I love it. That's brilliant. It's great. I love it. I love to hear him do it because it's so adult, you know, the stuff. And I don't mean adult. Like, she removed her underwear. It's not like that. Couldn't get her. Just went to your answering machine. It's so. I got to hear that. Can you record it maybe? Yeah. I'll try. But if he sees that I'm recording, he's like, oh, dad's doing bits. Dad's doing bits. Old dad is doing bits. Can he recognize it now that you're doing a bit? Oh, yeah. Really? He knows every recording device. If I have the iPhone with a recorder on, if I have that little mini recorder that I have, if I have any kind of recording device, it'll stop. We need to get Sienna over there with her hidden audio. I know. Sienna would get it. She's a master. Let's see. M1 Andrew from San Diego. Are you there? Yeah. What do you think about it? Well, you know, I was going to say, technology is here to stay, guys. You know, I mean, as far as I'm concerned, all these kids are doing a lot more than Facebook right now. And, you know, we think we can stop technology. I mean, these guys just finished going on a rant about, you know,

2:39:15new this technology is it just keeps going and going and going so it's going to be very difficult to you know control that stuff I agree you could put controls on but I don't know that you can actually stop people you know kids from having Facebook accounts and surfing and everything else you know man I agree that I believe technology is here to say discernment's here to stay you know you can have discernment as a parent you figure out the stuff you're going to let them do and stuff you're not going to let them do and this whole concept of I don't like the concept of they're going to do it anyway listen I'm going to do my best to not have him do stuff. My parents didn't actually do that, by the way. They didn't go, well, he's going to drink anyway, and so we're not going to. They didn't talk to me about anything. Yeah. And so I'm going to talk to my kids about stuff, and they're going to grow up in a house. Now, I know Luke's going to be up to stuff. He already is. He's up to stuff right now. It's the way he's wired. But that doesn't mean that all kids are going to be like that. And so a Facebook account at nine? Yeah, and you rule your house. You get to say. You are the parent. I mean, yeah, technology is not going to stop, right? Well, that's exactly it. I mean, you can be a good parent, but, I mean, technology is going to continue to drive. They're going to school and they're seeing this stuff. For sure, but, like, you don't have to. What you can do, I mean, this is what I have always thought I would do. In my house, mom's got a laptop, dad's got a laptop. There's one computer. It's in the kitchen.

2:40:43For you guys to use. Sure. And you guys have a ball. But if I see anything sketchy on there, you're out. Yeah. You're not, you know, you're done. And I just think, you know, a Facebook page, I have little cousins and I have cousins. And we were talking about it the other day, how it creeps us out when our 15-year-old cousins are. saying f-bomb or i love you baby or stuff like that on there and you're like oh that's when you drop the hammer on it skeeves you out so bad and i've been around 10 year olds that have their friends over and some of them are allowed to wear bras and do things that are i wouldn't allow a 10 year old to do some of them are like oh i'm not allowed to watch a movie if it's Right. Right. It's not PG. That's what my mom says. Like, they'll go to their friend's house or they'll say, oh, I'm not allowed on YouTube. Like, so kids, the rules run the gamut and the parents still have control of whether there's technology or not. Yeah. Even at Facebook, you can supervise them. Man, that's what this mom is saying. I'm just saying, you need it? I'm saying wait till you're like, I'd say. 44. 44 years old. I'd say seriously, probably 12, 13 is, and that's even for me. I'm like, if I get a little girl and she's 12 and she's online, I'm like.

2:41:53Oh, God. Oh, God. But if you're sitting there right with it, you can approve all the friends. And then you've got your grandmas able to interact with your kid or your sisters or your cousins. There's so many ways, though, that you can do it without posting pictures of yourself and people see who you are. You can stop all that, though. It's all control. And if your kid's going to be on there, you should get an account, too. Well, you should be signing them on. I couldn't handle Facebook. I'm 35. My mom's on my Facebook account. She sees everything I post. And in the back of my mind, I'm like, all right, Woods. Maybe don't say the S word. Your mom's looking. But I do, and then I'm like, oh, that my mom's mad at me. It skeeves me out when people tweet or Facebook status gnarly stuff. Cursing. It's creepy. I curse like a sailor. Like a sailor. But when I'm on Facebook and somebody puts an F-bomb on Facebook, I flip. I'm like, oh, my God, you've got to delete that. You can't say F this and F this company. I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God. Put a star as the U. Yeah. It's harsh. Still, even with the star, I know what they're saying. It's harsh. At least it's not there. It's just so harsh. M1 Maddie from Oceanside. Hi. Hi. I was just calling because I have two little sisters, one's nine and one's seven, and the rest of my sisters are all older than me. I'm 18. And we used to sit around with Matchbox cars or marbles and play for hours because we had imagination, but I feel like my little sisters are Game Boys or PSP little things.

2:43:21I don't even know what they're doing. Like, they can sit there in front of the TV for hours. We didn't even have TV. We weren't allowed to watch TV, you know? She's only 18. She's not 45. She's not going, we're back in the old days. This is what we did. For sure. Yeah, I know. I mean, they're good girls, and they have imagination because we, like, try to get them to, we've been weaning them off TV or whatever, but it's weird. I've driven, I literally, when I was 16, I was driving home from school in my... In my car, 16, driving a car, and I live by an elementary school, and there'd be kids walking home from school with iPhones, and I didn't have a cell phone yet. You know? Yep. I think technology is great for an older generation, but not young kids. I agree. Thanks, Maddie. I appreciate the call. Yeah, my dad, I remember, you guys remember when Nintendo came out. We got a Nintendo for Christmas, and I remember sitting down there Christmas Day playing RBI baseball. on my Nintendo for about nine straight hours. And I remember getting up from there and being like, oh, my God, that was the greatest thing ever, ever, ever happened to me. I was drunk on Nintendo. And the next morning, 6 a.m., straight down to the basement, dude. And my dad was like, all right, pal, listen, you're going to get fat. You're not going to make the baseball team. You get an hour a day. You get one hour a day. You know what's so cool about Xbox? You can set the timer on how much that time they get.

2:44:44It's amazing because you just set it up. That's brilliant. Had to do that to Finn. Kim had to do that to Jay. You know, we were driving this weekend, speaking of having kids, if you have kids and your kids are young, we were driving this weekend, and Rebecca and I went to the mall, and we go into the store PacSun. Or Sun? PacSun. PacSun. Yeah, you're right. Why? Because I got this shirt. I like it. Thanks. And we go in there. And we had the twins in the stroller. There's a kid ringing me up. And he goes, how old are the kids? I said, 13 months. He goes, that's cool. He goes, you like having kids? And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, I want to have kids one of these days. Not now, definitely. I'm not ready yet, but one day. And I go, I looked at him. I looked directly into his eyeballs. I go, you're not going to be ready. You think you are, but you're not. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, there's not a morning that you're not ready. And then the next morning, you're like, ready. Ready. Got this. I said, I'm 40, bro. I'm not ready. And we were driving a church Saturday night, and we just took the twins. Luke was fine. Weird, believe it or not, man. Luke was fine. He's drunk.

2:46:14Ryan was screaming like he was screaming like there were hornets in his diaper. Oh, my gosh. For no reason. There was nothing wrong. And we were stopped at a red light. And I go, you know, it gets worse. I said this to him. I go, it gets worse, bro. It gets worse. I go, I go, this is as good as it gets. You have it made in the shade. I go. She changes your poo. Yeah. You don't have any rent. Yeah. No bills. You don't have any bills. I go, you don't do anything. All you do is eat and poo and pee. And sleep. And sleep. And get cuddled and loved on. Right. I go, right now, you're freaking Miss Daisy. Yeah. Guess who's the chauffeur? I am. You're sitting there backwards in that thing. You're sitting there all backwards in that. That little thing, that car seat, which is like a little cocoon. Perfect for you. Mikey wishes he had one. You could almost fit. Dude, imagine no job, no rent, no mortgage, no insurance. No old lady griping at you all the time. Yeah, no responsibility. But for Luke, at least, it's no freedom. For Luke, it's no freedom. Can't tell people what you want.

2:47:41But for Ryan, it's just putting stuff all over your face. It has sauce on it. That's all that kid does. Like his old man. He loves that bit, dude. Oh, my gosh, man. Kid doesn't have a clue. This is the best it's going to be, dude. Yep. Yell it up. Yep. Yell it up. I'm telling you, sometimes I'll be like, ah! Really? With that? With that? Unbelievable. I really like this song. Thanks to us. When will the world get to see those pictures? Hopefully soon. The pictures from Leif, Brent, Ramos. L.O.B. just showed me one of the coolest pictures of her. We did a series of goofy shots. That's cool. I tried to look as ugly as possible. That just looked cool. That was just awesome. Hey, listen, we got a good friend of The Mikey Show, BJ, and his mom passed away, and her...

2:49:11Her memorial is today. And my buddy CB, who is in here, is going to be doing that. He's going to be giving the memorial. It's at North Coast Church in Vista today at 2 o'clock. And you're welcome to go on out there. And it would show a lot of support for him. He's an M1, and we're a family. Big M1, dude. Good guy. Yep. So anyway, I wanted to tell you about that. Danny's going to be putting a picture of Jake up on M1 site of Jake wearing an M1 site T-shirt. Nice. It's cute. The football billionaires. Yeah. You got that, Woodsy? Yeah, you know that. You know, the number one dude isn't hard to guess. It's a guy that owns the Seahawks because he's partial owner of Microsoft. Yeah. Paul Allen. Paul Allen. 12.7.

2:50:13$1 billion. Team is worth $994 million. He also owns the Trailblazers. It's insane. Yeah, there's a bunch on here. Cowboys. Jerry Jones, his net worth is $2 billion. Team's net worth is $1.7 billion. These are all football? Yeah. Yeah, these are all the football guys. Robert Kraft, who owns the Patriots, he's $1.5 billion. I mean, these dudes. Miami Dolphins. Miami Dolphins. Let's see. Stephen Ross, yeah. Pat's played at Dolphins tonight. Yeah. Riveting. Yeah. One of the teams, isn't it? Alex Spanos, San Diego Chargers. His net worth is $1.1 billion. That's a lot. Maybe sign Vincent Jackson. Team's net worth is $907 million. Maybe sign Vincent Jackson. I don't know. Looks like Nanay and Floyd are catching balls, too. Yeah, the Cardinals are tough.

2:51:10Dynamite squad. Oh, Woods. Give him a break. Antonio Gates looks like he's having a real hard time. Cardinals are an amazing squad. Derek Anderson's a force. A force. I can't see too. Is that Tom Brady over there? Yeah, I know. Cardinals are terrible. Still, he's getting a job done, Phillip. Phillip's dynamite. Maybe get all your best players on the field if they're just sitting there. The guys at home eating Cheetos. Maybe get them on the field. You guys playing Xbox. I don't know. I mean, maybe I'd be saying that a lot more if they were just stinking it up at the receiver position. Well, they're two and two. Their receivers look pretty good. All right, let me ask you this. He going to hurt your cause? No. Of course. Hey, listen. I think AJ, he plays tough, but man, it sure did work on Marcus McNeil. He signed like three days later. Yeah, and he won't be available for the first six or eight games. He'll be back two weeks. No. Yeah, six. Week six. I don't think so.

2:52:11I think I might. I don't know. I think I am. I think I just read it. Okay. Still, that's six weeks without him playing hardball. Get your guys in the squad. Old school. That's right. Put your best teams out there. What's up with the Lindsay Lohan thing and how she spends? Oh, yeah. This is pretty funny. She's in rehab, right? She's in rehab, yeah. Because who doesn't want to know? what Lindsay Lohan's rehab day is like. I do. I'm curious. Who doesn't? You don't? No. Care less. How come? Because I don't want to know. How come? She's got her life. We've got ours. How come you're not interested? I've got a bigger fish to fry than Lindsay Lohan. I like to know stuff, though. You don't like knowing stuff? Not stuff like this. If it were somebody else, maybe I'd be like, I don't care. Let me tell you what it is. 7 a.m. wake-up call. No, I just, that's not true. Anybody, I'd want to know. 7.30 a.m. breakfast. Mike, the breakfast usually consists of an omelet cooked to her liking. Or her choice of cereal, pancakes, or fresh fruit. I'm not kidding. This is fascinating to me. 8 a.m. meditation followed by chores. 8 a.m. meditation? Yeah, you meditate. Chores are assigned during the first four days depending on her attitude. So if she's got a turd attitude, they're going to make her clean bathrooms probably. If she's sweet and fun, they'll probably, you know, whatever. Make her fold clothes. I didn't have chores in rehab. Okay.

2:53:359 a.m. group therapy. You're screaming at me. I'm not screaming at you. I scream at the top of your lungs. 11 a.m. individual therapy. 12 p.m. lunch. 1 p.m. grief group. Had that. Grief group? Yep, had that. It's a big part of why you drink. You don't realize it. Okay. 3 p.m. exercise. She can only work out in the gym or do water aerobics. 4 p.m. meeting. I didn't have to do that. I had a hernia. Weird. Seriously, I didn't have to do the workout. I swam. Did they make people work out? Oh, yeah, you had to. That's good. You had to. I had to have a doctor's note to not do the workouts, but I got in the pool. Nice. Splash around. Splash around. I can't tell you who. Play grab ass in there real good. But a famous person. Grab ass. Yeah, I got in the pool and I played grab A. With Betty White? With Betty White. Tom Arnold. 6 p.m. dinner. 10 p.m. lights out. Family is not allowed to visit until the third week. Phones are permitted only on Sundays. There is no television. I wonder if she's where I went. Huh. She is. Is she at Betty Ford? In California. Betty Ford in California. Yeah. That's the only place there is Betty Ford. I thought there was one in, like, Minnesota. That's Hazelden. Yeah. Hazelden's real good. Yeah. Betty Ford. She's at Betty Ford. So she's in one of two dorms. And she can't see guys. You can't see. They don't let you mix.

2:54:53Oh, there's no mixing? Guys and girls cannot talk. You can't even talk. Wow. But are they in the same room? If you're walking by each other, Betty Ford, on the sidewalk, you better not say anything to each other. Why? Is that because some people are in there for a sex addiction? Well, you replace one with another. Yeah, and it's not, it's not, it isn't, it isn't good, it isn't good for you recovering. Mm-hmm. You know, because then you're wanting to get slayed. Yeah. And you want to make my mouth water. Yeah. What did he say? Well, you didn't have to meditate. Yeah, they have to meditate. It's probably like personal reflection time. Quiet time. But you see, guaranteed though, when you're there, you see everybody. So you see everybody. And you know who's there when they're famous. I knew who the famous people were when I was there. Maybe I go to rehab just for the stories. 100%. Take a recorder. I have great stories from in there. Some dudes would, let me tell you how with addicts. Some guys would have.

2:55:53They would sneak in caffeinated coffee because you couldn't have caffeinated coffee in there. I would go nuts. So they would sneak in caffeinated coffee. I'm like, really? I mean, really? You've got to have something, huh? You've just got to have it. How'd they sneak it in? In their pants. And then the people would come to visit you. Oh. They would bring it. I'm sure that's not all they snuck in. I know. Yeah, I didn't see any of that, though. I honestly didn't. No? But I know what was going on. But shizzy. Courtney Love tweeted a nearly naked photo. Yeah, look at this. Hold on, I'm coming in. Yeah, she likes to tweet suggested photos of herself and post them on Facebook. She did it again, tweeting the photo below without comment or explanation. I wrote on the back of it, but yeah, she's almost nude. What is wrong with her? She needs attention. That's insane. So bad. Yeah, that's insane.

2:56:49Yeah, she's a tan. I feel bad for her. Maybe hit a gym real good? No, I said she needs attention. Oh, I said she needs a tan. Oh. So somebody took that picture and then she... Or she took it on a self-timer. On a timer. Oh, that's so crazy. Yeah. And the stuff that she's not covering up is the stuff she should cover up. Yes. Like her thighs. What? Aw. Sad. It is. I saw a picture of her recently. She looked pretty cleaned up, which is weird, but that's not one of them. Oh, yeah, it's repugnant. She tweeted that. Yeah. With no explanation. Just put it up there. That's strange behavior. That seems to be the new thing, like, to me. More tweeted, like, pictures of herself in a bikini Kim Kardashian. Yeah. Just like fishing for compliments. It's pathetic that I know this. Yeah, me too. I'm on Twitter. And yeah, Demi Moore tweeted a picture of her and Ashton in bed together because there's all this stuff about them not doing well. But yeah, people are tweeting these really like celebrities. It's almost like they have too much access to the public. They're just tweeting these really inappropriate stuff. I'm so pretty, aren't I?

2:57:59Tell me I still look great. But if you have millions of people that follow you on Twitter, you also open yourself up to, you know, people jumping down your throat like Woods did to Terrell Owens. You see that? I did it as a joke. Because he goes, whoever said I'm blaming the D for this loss, you got your facts wrong. I go, I can't believe you blamed the D. I was just screwing around. I love to do that to people. Yeah, I notice you do that to celebrities a lot. I tweet people all the time. And I never get anything back. And I always just try to be smart-ass. I tried it once to Bob Saga. He didn't get back to me. I'm just trying to be a smart-ass. Yeah. It's my bit. It's your bit. It is. I try to make people uncomfortable. Yes. It works. It does work. If T.O. tweeted you back, he'd probably get followed by 100,000 people. I would vomit in my hand if I saw that I had a tweet from him. I'd be like, oh my God, I'm sorry. I didn't need to. Don't beat me up. 5701949. You can follow anybody on the Mikey Show on Twitter. Just, it's Mikey Show and then our name. It's so funny that you saw that. I forget that you can see. He follows you. I know, I forget. I forget. I still don't know how Twitter works. Someone, like, Twittered something to me, inappropriate, and Woods is like, you know Mikey can see that. I'm like, I didn't do it. They said something to her or she said something? Something to me, inappropriate. What am I going to do? I don't know. Like, oh my gosh, somebody tweeted something gross. He was thinking that, like, I did it. Yeah.

2:59:22Even if you did, you're Twitter. Knock yourself out. How often do you Twitter? You know, I usually, when I'm on the air, I do it whenever I have a random thought or something happens in the studio, you know, because I like to use it as like what's going on behind the scenes. Like I say certain things on the air, but there is. whole lot of time when you know when I only talk a couple minutes every hour there's all kinds of stuff especially when bands are coming in or cool stuff's happening all towered you know I'd like to Twitter more than I do but I hear critical guy in my head as I start to I hear critical guy going I don't care dude I don't care bro why would they follow you and Hillary gives stuff like inside stuff about the bands or like, oh. Yeah, no, that's cool stuff. A caller just said this. Some people are like, I'm so bored. Pound sign. What is there to do on a Thursday? Pound sign. What is the pound sign? It's a hashtag. And so people can click on it and see who else has used that same hashtag. So it's, yeah, it's like creating a topic, but people will do it to be ridiculous sometimes and just make up stupid ones. Okay, I have a question. On Fridays.

3:00:36I'm here. Follow Fridays, the FF? Yeah. That's what that is? So annoying, by the way. I had no idea what that was. The person is meaning to help you get more followers. So they do the double F, the hashtag double F, and then... And it stands for follow Friday. How do you guys know this? If you, Mikey, wanted to do it, you would put follow Friday FF, hashtag... Pound sign. Pound sign FF. And then you would... put everybody's Twitter handle in there with an at in front of it because that way people can directly link to them. So it'd be like you recommending the people you think your followers should also follow. And do they?

3:01:21do they have to click on each individual name to follow them, or can they instantly follow all of them? No, they have to click on the name and still follow them. You can even roll your mouse over it, though, and you should be able to follow them just right from there. Yeah, like right click. So it would be like you would suggest that everybody follows the rest of the people on your show and me, Hilla Hill, on Twitter. Yeah, I'll tell you what. But, you know, it's a recommendation. Yeah, give your Twitter thing. Hilla Hill, H-I-L-A-H-I-L. She's a good tweeter. She is. It takes a while. When I first got on there, I was like, I can't deal with this. You're funny too, Lauren. She comes up with clever stuff. Mine is like, delicious cheeseburger. I don't know. This would be mine. Like an idiot. This would be mine. Just drove home. Yeah. Well, as a general rule, sometimes I put random stuff. But I try to put up what's either going to be funny and give someone a chuckle or something informative. Yeah, exactly. But you guys, so you have meetings, you know, oftentimes after your show. Funny stuff happens in your meetings. You can be like, dude, Woods just cut one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. I'm going to start doing that. That's what people are curious about. By the way, it is 100% humidity in this studio. Yeah, it is. Oh my gosh. It is. You guys want to know what Scott Baio's most recent tweet is? Woods, he got me following Scott Baio. He tried to get me to do it and I immediately unfollowed him. Why? This is the worst. He fillets everybody back.

3:02:42Everybody. Mostly, I've seen him just say random things. I haven't seen the fillet. Maybe he's off it, but his... Look at what he wrote. Playing in the rain with Bailey. Who is Bailey's kid? Probably his dog. His daughter. His daughter? Oh, I thought it was his dog. Scott Baio, that's Chachi. Dude, Chachi's all over that Twitter, man. He's in charge. Yeah, he's in charge. He is in charge. All right, Hillary, what do you got coming up? I'm going to play some White Stripes, some Local Natives, some Vampire Weekend, and even some Suicidal Tendencies. Wow. Very nice. Very nice. Lovely and Talented Hillary's up next, and tomorrow morning at 6, we'll come back, do it all over again. Mikey Show's out late.