The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/06/10

1:32I had some on the way in this morning. How do you take your coffee? Like I take my men. Really? No, I use cream in my men. I use cream in my coffee, I mean. You use cream? Yeah. Because I want you to try our new coffee maker and tell me what you think. No, I don't want to. Oh. Just kidding. Oh, wow. Just kidding. Oh. After the 45-minute tutorial, I was kind of over it, you know? That thing, space shuttles. The guys that built the space shuttle were like, dude, could you guys make that thing more complicated? I'm just trying to help out. I know. It smells delicious. I just haven't had a chance. I've been trying to read some stories. Yeah. Wow. That's passive-aggressive minus the passive. Just trying to do some work so I can be dynamic today. That is delicious coffee. Is it good? I'll make some. Trying to get us to calm down so you can read those stories. Yeah. Just wanted to.

2:32Just have a little alone time while you just concentrate. I need to concentrate a little bit. I know what Sienna was going through when we would be in here talking and I'd be playing the guitar and she's trying to read stories. Guys, shut up, please. My God. We're like, whoa, easy, easy. Holy cow, that tastes good. It's good. Does it? That's a good cup of coffee. It is really good. It is. It's such a difference. I'll be right back. I'm just kidding. You can. I want you to try it with us. I want you to experience it. Don't spill it like I did. And the only reason we're making such a big thing out of it is because before we moved into our own suite, we had the station coffee. Yeah. And it tasted like the filter that they used was made out of a car's tire. Yep. And so like the filter, it drained through a filter made of black, dirty rubber. You only had it like a day or two. I had that stuff every day. Mm-hmm. It was bad. Really bad. What a difference a fresh cup of coffee makes. Oh, that was quick. Yeah. I don't see any Splenda out there. I don't take Splenda anymore, pal. You don't? Splenda is not good for you. Shoot. I don't care about that. I love it. You know that. You're all by yourself. 570-1949 if you want to call in. 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to text in. And I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show.

3:54Woodsy is our resident sports guy and Yankee fan. Yeah. He's doubling up on his Yankee today. Super fan today. Yeah, he's really got his Yankee on. What? He's got his Yankee T-shirt on that says, Got Rings. Yes. 2009 World Series champions. And it's got the ring on the back, along with all the other 27 rings. Yes. It's a big day for me. It is. Playoffs start tonight. Every year, it's my favorite and my least favorite day of the year. What's that like? It's good. It feels real good. It's great. It feels good to be a champion. Wonderful. It's nerve-wracking. I'm sick to my stomach already. I'm like, oh, God. My wife's like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. We'll all follow along with you, pal. Yeah, it's going to be great. Every pitch is like in the playoffs, playoff baseball, every single time they hit the ball, you come out of your seat. You're like, you know, it's just nerve-wracking. Yeah. LLB is a local comedian. Comedienne. Comedienne. She's also our assistant producer, and she sits to my right. Resident coffee spiller. She, this morning. That's some good coffee. Strong. I make it strong. Mama, that's good. I like it strong. What did you spill last week? Coffee. Coffee? Mm-hmm.

5:21Scared us to death. To death. Yeah, we wiped it up. And then, right now, she was pouring herself a cup of coffee. She took the half and half out of the refrigerator and went to pour it into her cup. And it just fell out of her hands and went bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. Out there, though. Outside. Where did it go? It went all over the top. Where did it go? Where did it go? Wow. Where did the cream go? She dropped the cream. You spilled the cream again. Where did it go? Why would you spill the cream? I didn't mean to. I just spray Lysol on the carpet. Oh, my God. Yeah, so that when that half and half rots into the carpet. Well, it's organic. It is. It's organic, which means it'll rot quicker. No preservatives. Perfect. Stink real good out in my area. I sprayed it down. Chris and I cleaned it up. Mostly Chris. Maybe you just dropped some Bala powder on that. Oh, I would, but it's on my... Did you use it? Yeah, of course I did. I put some on my chest, too. Isn't it great? I put some here and I was like, oh, yeah. That Bala powder... Jay, would you try it if I got you some? Sure, I'll try it. It's awesome. It really is. Dude, it's the bomb. The Bala. If you're a dude...

6:41This ball of powder, it's for the boys, and it's anywhere on your body. If you want to be a shot caller. Anytime your pouch can tingle, it's a good thing. Sure. It's a good, good thing. Pouch. Thatgroominglounge.com has everything. It's the best thing. It is the best. Jay is our producer, and Sienna is our news girl, but she's out on maternity leave. And our phone screener is Krabs. It's Krabs! It's Krabs! It's cross. It's cross. Let's see. Let's get this thing started. Okay, so call us. We want to hear your voice, M1s. M1 Nation is Mikey Show listeners, and we are a family. You can find us on m1site.com. You can also find us on facebook.com slash Mikey Show, and you can follow us on Twitter, Mikey Show. Mikey, Mikey Show Woods, Mikey Show Lauren, Mikey Show Sienna, Mikey Show Jay. So we invite you to do that. But we do want to hear from you. Call us right now. We want to talk to you. You can ask questions. You can talk about stuff that's on your mind, stuff that's in the news. Anything you want. Right now is your time to do that. Word of the day today is blubber. Word of the day today is blubber. And what's the prize, Jay? Four pack of tickets to SeaWorld to their Halloween Spootacular.

8:07$236? $236. Cool. All right, so when I say it before 10 o'clock, caller nine wins that. That's our word of the day. I'll work it into a sentence. You know the routine. And at 7.30 this morning, we're going to do the BB gun quick draw. Sounds so dangerous. I've already made little targets. Oh, look at that. Where do they go? Where do they go? Where do they go? What are the targets? Why are there four targets? There's only three, Lauren. Okay. Where do the targets go? Is that Travolta? Yeah. Could be. It's half Travolta. Half walking. Could be a crackhead. Where do the targets go? They're going to go on your butt cheek. They're going to go on our butt. And we'll have a BB gun. We'll quick draw. Three times, right? Boom. And it's me, Woods, and Jay playing. And then the targets have. Scores on them, and we'll add up the scores. Huge. It's huge. Speed and accuracy is what we're looking for. It's huge. It's huge. It's hot in here. It is hot in here. Take off all your clothes.

9:18She can't get comfortable. I know it. It is pretty tough. She'll get warm. She'll get cold. And she'll go. I am trying to please her in every possible way I can. I'm like Katy Perry, you know. I'm hot, then I'm cold. Yes, then I'm no. I know it. You're in, then you're out. Then you're down. Typical woman. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. Yeah. I don't know the rest of the words, but you know the bit. So here's the big things out there, man. This thing with the abducted girl in Fresno is. giant let me tell you man rarely do i see or read a story where it makes my heart race and and it makes me uh really nervous but at the same time feeling really good okay so let me break this down for you eight year old girl is kidnapped from her yard by a stranger okay she's playing in front of her apartment complex with her friend these people are watching them play and they see this truck pull up and talk to these girls and they're like run run you know the people upstairs guy snatches the girl rips her in the car so they got a description of the car they know what the truck looks like for days they're looking for a day they're looking for they can't find it so there's this gentleman uh victor perez and he is watching he's following it very close because he lives very close to where this happened and he's talking to his neighbor and he's saying man what could we have done

10:38You know, to help, man. We got to be looking for this truck. We got to be looking for this truck. The guy's watching the story on the news in the morning, looks out his window. There's the truck making a U-turn in front of his house. Really? The dude bolts out the door, gets in his truck, pulls up next to him. He's like, hey, man, can I ask you a question? I need directions. And the kidnapper is holding the little girl's head down. Okay, so she can't see in there. He still has the little girl in the car. This is the next day? He still has the little girl. This is the next day. Oh, my gosh. So the good Samaritan, Victor Perez, freaking speeds up, pulls in front of him, forces the guy off the thing. Off the road? Yeah. The kidnapper pushes the girl out of the truck, and Victor grabs her, and she's shaking, and she's crying, and she's like, am I going to be okay? Am I going to be okay? The girl had told them that this guy, this guy's name is Gregorio Gonzalez, took her to the woods, sexually assaulted her, and said, hey, I'm going to harm you if you don't get back in the truck. So this guy is, you know, has he been caught? I think he has been caught. They know his name. They know his name. Well, they've got, I'm sure, license plate, everything. Oh, what a story. It was, my heart was racing, dude.

11:56It's like a citizen's arrest kind of thing. I guess. I mean, like they said, she pushed the girl out of the truck. Oh, my God. Yeah, sexually assaulted. Okay, Gonzalez, who lives with his grandparents, had previously been arrested on charges of possession of a sawed-off shotgun in domestic violence. He was on felony probation. Forty minutes after this, they found him. They caught him. Oh, my gosh. So they got this guy. He's in custody. Oh, my goodness. Man, what a job by this guy, Victor Perez, man. I mean, he's an unemployed construction worker, and for all intents and purposes, saved this girl's life. That's unbelievable. And days of torture, I'm sure. I thought it was a day. No, I mean, saved her from days of torture. Sure. Oh, my goodness. What a story. Guy's a hero. A hero. Yeah, he is. Absolute hero. Wow. Oh, the wherewithal that he had and everything. Just the cojones. You don't know if this guy's got a gun. You don't know what he's going to do. And, man, he followed him and he pulled right up in front of him and stopped him. And they said the guy threw his hands up like, come on, dude, you're cutting me off. That's when the girl's head popped up and he saw her head. No way. And he goes, I've got to get her out at all costs. Oh, my gosh. Goosebumps. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Now, this is a sad story.

13:21Man, it was a trip for us yesterday to hear this story because, well, we'll explain as we go on, but terrible story out of where? Out of L.A. Pretty much the polar opposite of the Victor Perez story. Yeah. You know? So this 18-year-old Jayla Hamm and her 19-year-old boyfriend, Cordae Honia, okay, they decided that it'd be a good idea to tape her son. against the wall. How old is his son? He is 22 months, so almost two years old. Horrific. They were drunk and high, and they thought it would just be really funny. And there are pictures on the internet of this, and it made me and LLB sick this morning. We were looking at him. But it's just vicious. Yeah, now the weirdness of it, obviously, was that two days ago, we... came up with the idea to tape our promotion director to the wall. Insane. Who's an adult, and we didn't know anything about this story. No. And so we do the thing yesterday, and then when we're done, we're all sitting around, we're in the studio, we're looking at the TV, and that story comes on, and we're like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Seriously. Is the kid okay? He's okay. Some tape got across his leg, and they pulled some skin off. Aw. Ah, dude.

14:46That's awful. That's crazy. They just posted the pictures online like a bunch of morons in addition to the stupid act that they did. I'm sorry, dude. I said L.A. It's in Lincoln, Nebraska. Close. After a night of intoxication, they taped her baby boy to the wall and took photographs. Obviously, the kid has been taken away and all that, right? Yeah, they're in trouble. They're in big trouble. They're going to do some jail time for sure. Let's see. M1 Ren from Oceanside. Are you there? Yeah, I am. What's up, Mike? Not too much, dude. Hey, can you tell people what an M1 is, Ren? M1 is a Mikey Show listener, gets to the point, doesn't cuss on the radio, and tunes other people to the Mikey Show. That is right, dude. Love it. You nailed it. That is it. Absolutely. What's up, dude? Nothing much. I was in the studio a while back, and I never really got to talk to you. I just want to say I've been listening to you for a long, long time, and I'm just glad you're back on the radio. I love the show. You know, I love the new cast. Thank you. Thank you very much, Ryan. We appreciate that, dude. Right. Are you going to work right now? What are you doing? Today. Oh, I've had that. Gosh. Maybe you'll get lucky like me, and they'll let you go. I like Jerry, dude. Me too. Yeah, it was my birthday yesterday, and then...

16:11Happy birthday. How old are you? I'm 30. Oh, man. Right on. You're a young man. Middle-aged now, pal. That's right. All right, dude. Thanks for calling. Happy birthday, brother. Happy birthday. Have a good day. Later. We love you. See you. 570-1949 is our number if you want to call us. We'd love to talk to you. So this is an interesting story. So apparently Frito-Lay. the maker of Sun Chips. We've all seen Sun Chips. We don't all like Sun Chips, but we've all seen Sun Chips. Well, they decided that they wanted to go green, and so they redesigned their bag to be biodegradable. But all of a sudden, consumers were complaining because the bags were too loud. Now, I'm like, how loud can a bag be in order for them to have to pull the bag? From shelves. And, not only that, sales of Sun Chips were plummeting. People were not buying Sun Chips anymore because the bag was so loud. And I'm like, really? Well, Woods goes, dude, I have a bag. I'll bring it in. Woodsy? Jamie bought this bag. Do you guys remember when Ryan, her brother...

17:31was in town. Jamie's brother Ryan. Jamie's brother Ryan was probably more. Probably closer to six weeks. Maybe more than that. They bought them at the store and they showed me that day and I go oh my god put that in the pantry and don't get it out again. Well there it has sat since then. I have not opened them. I love Sun Chips. Love them. I won't touch this bag. It's a biodegradable bag that they are not going to make anymore. Let's hear it. That's not me crinkling chips. That's back. What? Do you want some sun chips, pal? Yeah, thanks. I don't want to wake the baby up. Are you in the pantry again, Michael? Michael! It almost seems like a joke. Yeah. Well, it's so funny because like two weeks ago, I went to the beach and I was like, I'm going to stop at 7-Eleven and get some snacks. I tried to find healthy snacks. Weird. Yeah.

18:33So I picked up that bag of sun chips and I was like, oh my gosh, cool. It's like 90% biodegradable. And I brought it to the beach and my six month old niece, because you know how they like the crinkly noise. She liked it so much and we had it on video. She like dumped out all the sun chips and we were like, my brother-in-law's like, oh, we can keep that as a toy for her because it's so loud and crinkly. Now, do they make them in the little ones too or just the big ones? It was just the big one. That's unbelievable. So loud. There's a Facebook. That's killing me. There is a Facebook fan page created that says, I'm sorry, I can't hear you over my sunshine. That's great. So funny. Let me see because I want to read. Let me see that. Oh, that says it's 100% biodegradable. Yeah, the back of the bag says green the world one bag at a time. You're holding the world's first 100% compostable chip bag of its kind. It's made from more than 90% renewable plant-based materials, and it breaks down completely into compost in a hot, active home or industrial compost pile. It also annoys your neighbor to the point where they want to move out. It makes it so that you can't sleep. It's 100% annoying. You can't live with it.

19:53You definitely don't want to buy any more of them, and it'll drive you crazy. This bag, it says on the bag, this bag is louder because it is compostable. It's insane. We've had them for two months. I didn't have a problem with it. I thought it was kind of cool. They're going back to the bags that are terrible for the... Yeah, they're going to use styrofoam bags. It says they're going to come up with a better way. They're going to come up with another bag that's... you know, green, but they're going to try and make it differently. Sienna sent me that yesterday. Or sent me that first and was like, you guys have to talk about these sun gyms. I was like, oh, consider it done. It's killing me! Insane. Your niece has an empty... chip bag that she plays with? Well, my sister threw it away. My brother-in-law thought it was a good idea to keep it, and my sister threw it away, but only under supervision was she allowed to play with it. Adam's dog, we'll rabbit hole here for a minute, but Adam's dog, our promotion director, he came home and his dog had got its head stuck in a chip bag, and it was out.

21:00They had to take it to the vet. Oh, no. It almost suffocated. I mean, it was just barely alive. Oh, my goodness. What size of a chip bag? I think it was that same chip bag size right there. Oh. He's got a medium-sized dog. And the dog could not shake her head? Could not get it out, and it just didn't. You can only imagine. He was lucky he came home, and he did. No kidding. But they thought there was going to be brain damage, but Bella's fine. That's good. Holy cow. That's good. 570-1949 is our number. And you can also text us. The text is 949mikey at gmail.com. Got a great show for you today. Got some fun stuff to do today. We do, man. Barbara Walters got audio of Barbara Walters later. She mistakenly referred to Margaret Cho as openly gay. And she's not. She's not. Not openly. She's married. She's married to a dude. Yeah. So wait till we play you that. I'm sitting here with Margaret Tho. No, she wasn't on the show. She's an openly gay woman. Yeah. I just want to let the world know that Margaret Tho is openly gay. Did you say she was gray? No, she's openly gay. She's overly gray? Open we gay. Open we gay. Open we gay. Is that African? No, open we gay. Open we gay. Is that your African exchange student?

22:24No, she wikes squirrels. She's wikes squirrels? No, squirrels. Squirrels. Mmm, squirrels. Delicious. Some photographer got run over by Paris Hilton and her boyfriend. Tell you all about that. Got audio of the... We have audio of the presidential seal falling off of the president's podium when he was giving a speech. It's pretty good. So we got some really good stuff coming up for you. And don't forget, we're going to be doing the BB gun quick draw. We're going to shoot each other in the butt for you. You'll call in and decide who do you think is going to be the best shot, me, Woods, or Jay. And then we'll add up the scores. Now, quick draw, does that mean that we have a limited time to be able to get three shots off? We should. Yeah, I think so too. Like five seconds? I don't think we can do it in five. Ten seconds? I would say you could do it in 10. I could do it in 10. You could do it in 10? Let's do a test run at the break. Okay. That's a good idea. Then we'll determine what time limit we'll need. That's a very good idea. Oh, by the way, Randy Moss is in the final stages of a trade with a team. He'll be leaving New England most likely, and where will he be going? We'll tell you in Woods on Sports.

24:31I haven't said the word of the day, but I will between now and 10 a.m. Word of the day is blubber. So I will somehow work that into a sentence, and then when you hear it, Caller 9 will win. A four-pack of SeaWorld tickets worth $236. It's like ear candy. Did they use this song? Yeah, because it was like honey and gram coming together. Reminds me of my beautiful life at home. Reminds me of me and kombucha. Reminds me of when I worked at an oldie station and used to play it. You're like, it's the turtles again. 93.5 K-Hip. Wow. Is that like the picture that's on your coffee mug? Oh, boy. How do you like that? Get that up on the website. Oh, yeah. What was it? Bryce and Mike in the morning? Yeah, Bryce and Mike. What was it?

25:31Well, hold on. Royce. Royce. That's really far off. It was Royce and Mike. Royce. Now, it was a morning show? Yeah, we were a morning show. You guys were a morning show. He talked like that. Yeah. And he was nothing on the air like he was off the air. Really? By the way, this is a perfect impression. Is it? Yeah. Once you lose yourself. Lose yourself. Can I just say that? What was his bit? Can I say that? One of the funniest guys I've ever met. Really? But on the air. we had to be like super sweet, sticky sweet. What kind of station? It was called Modern Oldies. Which would be? It was stuff like, it would be things that were current day that sounded like they'd be an oldie song eventually. Really? Oh, wow. Yeah, so it would be like, if you were to think of one now, it would be like, what's that song by Dave Matthews? It goes dent. Dun, dun, dun. And it's marching. Yeah, that would be a modern oldies song today, you know? And then they also played, like, then they played, like, classics, you know, rock songs from the 70s. So they'd play, like, Rhiannon and, you know, stuff like that. It wasn't a bad station. It was just a strange concept. What kind of show did you guys do together? We did, it was mostly music, so we would play, like, 10 songs an hour. Oh, my gosh. And we did Traffic and stuff like that. And Royce was, this was Royce on the air.

26:54because it was 105.3, which is now Rock 105. Right. But it was 105.3, and he would be like, 105.3 KCBQ with Royce and Mike in the morning. And then he'd point to me, and I'd be like, KCBQ, satellite weather for today. It looks like it's going to be warm in the Inland Valleys, a high of 72. And coming up in just a few minutes, we're going to be talking to our entertainment reporter, blah, blah, blah. And it was like real. you know, nice and friendly. And he would talk like this, and it would be real upbeat like this, and he'd turn the mics off, and he'd go, no, all right. Sound like James Gunn. He'd talk like this. He'd talk like he had a real deep voice, and he was super dirty off the air, but he was a very funny guy, and he had these little key phrases that were like his little words, you know, kind of like you would get. Yeah, I can relate. Royce and I are two peas in a pod. So he would say all the time, he would say something really crazy or dirty or whatever, and then he would go, can I say that? Like in your company? Yeah. Can I say that? Well, no. Back then, I didn't have any problem with his whatever. I know, but he didn't say on the air, can I say that? No, he said it off the air. So he would be talking about whatever. We'd be looking at the TV, and some girl would come on, and he would go, wow.

28:14Somebody's a little horse face. Can I say that? It's genius. Where is he? I want to meet him. Yeah, we should get him on. And he would say that, and he would also say, it's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, so he would say something, and he'd go, it's crazy. We should see if you guys still have the old magic. I'm sure we do. He would get so angry. He would get so angry. One time he choked me off the air, put me up against a wall. What? This is the first guy to ever hire me in radio. He was the first guy. He was my first program director in Tucson that ever hired me in radio. And we were friends, you know. Yeah, he got mad and he choked. He put his hands on my neck. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Maybe we don't contact him. No, I talked to him about a month ago. I mean, he was just a wacky dude, you know. It was like me and him were. brothers or something, you know? Now, did that beaded necklace that you have on, did it dig into your neck when he choked you? We have to take a picture of it. Chris, in that top drawer over there, go get the... I have a camera in there that I want you to grab.

29:23And I'll upload this picture right away. Yes, I had a beaded necklace and Ricky Suave hair. Oh, Mikey. I swear I could listen to Mikey tell old radio stories for days. It's so fascinating to me. Eddie was our producer. And one time, Eddie was just sitting there reading the newspaper and had the newspaper in front of his face. And Royce took a Sharpie. And just to be funny, off the air, he threw it and it went through the paper and hit Eddie in the face. Oh. Through the paper. Yeah. That's crazy. That's crazy. Come from the heart. You probably have to turn that flash off, Mike. I think it's crazy that Mikey can remember all these old stories. I know. It's perfect. Can't remember where he parks his car. Can't remember where he parks his car. I have great long term and no short term. Yeah. So whatever part of my brain that controls. You filled all the cassettes full of information. We need to delete. Do you have a thing to upload from that little flashcard? Put it on our Facebook page. So anyway, that's a picture of me on a mug. It's so funny. Of what I look like back in 1994. I want to drink out of it every day, so you have to look at it. Yeah, just hold it up right to you. It's ridiculous. It's funny. It's hysterical. It's great.

30:44I'm trying to look suave. Yeah, you've got a little smirk. Kind of hard-ass a little bit. It looks more seductive to me. I'm seducing him with my eyes. Yeah, I'm Mexican. What are you going to do about it? He looks like he's being like, I am a DJ. Did you feel like a big wig with your face on a coffee cup? You're like, hey, not everybody has their face on a coffee cup. It's true. I gave that to my mom and dad like I had just got drafted in the NFL. I don't know if you've seen my coffee cup with my face on it. You have it out when chicks come over? Yeah. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you this cup. How embarrassing. You never forget your first coffee cup. I hate that cup. Oh, that stupid old cup. Yeah, gosh. What is that even doing here? There's a whole cabinet full of them in this house. By the way, just so people know, I'm clean shaven and I have hair in the picture. You with hair is funny. I remember you with hair. I knew you with hair. Yeah. Yeah. Not good. No. You look way better now. Yeah, I saw Woods 40 minutes after I shaved it the first time. Yeah. Walked into a bar and Woodsy goes, hey, Kios! Michael Kios! Come here, dude. Look at this guy. And he kissed my head. That is such a Woods thing. Yeah. Look at this. I was so mortified. I just love his first sight. I just wanted people to not take too much notice of it.

32:08And to just be like, you know, oh, wow, dude, that's different. You know, Woods was like, oh, my gosh. Mikey Kios, come over here, dude. Mikey Kios. Yep. Kid's not real bright. Hilarious. 5701949 is our number. In just a second, we're going to get to Randy Moss and where he's probably going to get traded to. Woods, he was saying it. Yankees start tonight. Yes. In the playoffs. You know what, ladies and gentlemen, the Yankees and the Twins in the playoffs, are you excited about the baseball playoffs? Yeah. Earlier today, the Yankees announced they're going to go with a three-man rotation. They got that idea from Madonna. There you go. It's Dave Letterman last night. Let's see. Let's just do it. Let's get into it. I want to hear it. We got a lot of news today, boys and girls. Yeah, we do.

33:29Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, the Vikings are about to complete a trade for Randy Moss, who had so many great years in Minnesota. Now he gets to play with Brett Favre. Now, what they're saying is it's almost a done deal. It should be done today. The Vikings will send the Patriots their third-round pick in the 2011 draft in return for Moss. That's not bad. Yeah. I mean, and he's going back to where he started. You ever see him play his rookie year? Freakish. Phenomenal. Freakish. Jerry Jones passed on him. He did? Oh, yeah. Great move. And he's torched the Cowboys for years, no matter where he's been. In other wide receiver news, former USC wide receiver Dwayne Jarrett has been cut from the Panthers. He got his second DUI the day before yesterday. So he is, dude's in some trouble, and he is out. Also a trade in the NFL yesterday. Marshawn Lynch was traded from the Bills, who are 0-4. I guess they can afford to get rid of some guys at 0-4. Send them to Seattle for a pair of undisclosed draft picks. I guess I was wrong last night when you and I were talking about this. Seems like if it's a 2 and a 3, that's probably a lot to give up for Marshawn Lange. Yeah, it is. If that's what it is.

34:47Also, last night was the debut of the Triplets in Miami. It was a preseason game. LeBron, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade. Oh, really? Yeah, they played against the Pistons. Dwayne Wade got hurt within the first three minutes of the game. Are you kidding? Something with his hammy. He'll be okay. And then LeBron and Bosh combined for 38 points. Here's LeBron talking about it. Cut one. I was just anxious to get back on the court. For real? Yeah, he's in a 10-can. He's in a 10-can. Something I've waited for all summer. To be able to be back on the court, it was great. He's got a fan in front of him. He's got a fan. His personal stenographer. It was great that we was able to give him the same industry they gave us before the game started. What did he say? He said that it was good to be back on the court. That's cool. Yeah, he loved it. I like that. And he said, feast. Who can't be behind that? He said, Mikey can feast. Is that what he said? I think he said, in my country. When we play clips of small people, we usually try to put them so you can understand. Really? That's going to be our new thing. Yes. It's imitating our nanny, Nita, who's from Hungary. And that's how we passively, passive-aggressively make fun of each other. In my country, athlete not followed by court reporter who would take notes over audio.

36:11In my country, if we review audio piece and it don't sound good, we don't play. People that want to hear from LeBron, that's the only clip. Our phone screener is even laughing at that one. That's the only clip that was out there. So feast again. The baseball playoffs start today. I'm going to give you times. I think they're all on TBS, so you can settle in. You've got about 10 hours of baseball. The Rangers take on the Tampa Bay Rays at 137 Eastern, which will be, what, 1037 here, which is great. Ball's starting at 1030 here. The Cincinnati Reds are taking on the Phillies, which is going to be a great series. I think great pitching on both sides. 5.07 p.m. Oh, here's a clip of Roy Halladay. Very good. Good. And then finally, the New York Yankees will be taking on the Minnesota Twins at 537. Here is their ACC Sabathion. What's all the fuss about our rotation? I don't see what you guys are saying about uncertainty. Andy Pett is the best pitcher in the playoffs in the history of baseball. That's right.

37:24I think our rotation stacks up pretty good against anybody. That's right, dude. It's supposed to be five-man, right? No, no, not in the playoffs. What's the big deal with three-man rotation? Everyone's saying, well, the Yankees pitching is in trouble. They're in trouble. They're just in trouble. CeCe Sabathia won 21 games. Andy Pettit's the best postseason pitcher ever, and Phil Hughes is a great young pitcher. With that lineup, one through nine, I'm like, I'll take my chances with anybody. But why is it a big deal that it's three men? Because they're going to rest him on short rest. They're going to pitch him on short rest. But that's what CeCe Sabathia is great at. What would normal be? Four. Four pitchers. Some guys will use four. Some guys will use three. You want your ace going in the games that you have to win. So Sabathia will pitch one and four. Yeah, it's a great move. Did you hear about Bruce Bochy and the Giants? What happened? They said that he's not going to play Barry Zito. He's not going to pitch him. Barry Zito's not going to pitch. We're not pitching A.J. Burnett. So, I mean, that guy was great last year. He was okay in the playoffs, but he's a head case. And you can't afford it in the playoffs. Yeah, Boach says if he has to, he'll throw Linscombe back out there. Yeah, that's exactly what we're doing. That's exactly what we're doing. So, man, this is the best day of the year, without question. The start of the day, the baseball playoffs. It's just so much fun. That's Woods on Sports.

38:42The last couple days, there's been a third one that we don't get to. I don't do it. You're not into it? I make a game-time decision. As a professional, that's what I do. All right. I mean, it's Jerry Manuel. It's the Phillies manager, Jerry Manuel, talking about very eloquently, as usual. Is he the guy that's kind of like... Yeah. Let's hear it. We understand how important the first game, especially in a five-game series, are. And I think the fact that we were successful in the last two years, I think that helps us. And I think over the course of those years, I think when I talk about this year's team and we think about all the close games that we've played, I think all that experience comes into play there. He comes out here acting a fool. I'm on Kung Fu. There he is. Jerry Manuel. Good manager. Not a great public speaker. I guess he is a good manager. We got a text, by the way. It says, why don't you guys talk about Prop 19 that people are going to be voting on November 2nd. It's the Regulate, Control, and Tax Weed Act. Okay? Which will be on the ballot. Legalizes various pot-related activities. Allows local governments to regulate these activities. Permits local governments to impose and collect pot-related fees and taxes. And authorizes various criminal...

40:08and civil penalties. In March, it qualified for the ballot. It requires a simple majority to pass, and it would take effect the day after the election. So a vote for yes on 19 is the official advocacy group for it. I will vote no on it. Is this person one of those advocates? I'm sure he is. I'm voting yes. You're voting yes, LLB? Yeah. You're voting yes? Probably. I need to do more research. I'm undecided. Kid. I am. I'm undecided. I know a kid that went through rehab, and his mom and dad were keeping their fingers crossed for this kid and just really wanted this kid to, you know, figure it out. Kid got out of rehab and went to a place here in San Diego where you can very easily...

41:10uh, get a permit to get legalized weed. His parents were, you know, he told his parents, his parents were really upset about it. And they said, we don't want you smoking weed. You're living here. You got to get out of the house. So he did and, uh, called him about a week later and, uh, he was smoking the weed and that, uh, led to him thinking it would be okay to start taking Xanax. Which led him to thinking it would be okay to start drinking again. And called him crying and is going back for help. Now, for me, weed is out there. Okay? It's out there. And I am not for making it legal because I think that it does lead to other stuff. So does alcohol. Yeah, I think that alcohol leads to other stuff too. No question. And so that means that because it does, why are we going to make something legal since we already know what we know about alcohol? So those of us who don't have an addiction problem should be penalized for the ones who do. Yes.

42:29Why not the ones that have the addiction problem get help and get off of whatever's? They do. But what's going to happen is that it would be like us talking about booze beforehand, okay? It would be like us talking about booze before the days of prohibition and, you know. Right. And people could say, well, what about us people that don't have addiction problems and we can just drink booze normally? Right. And, you know, we can just drink booze responsibly. Right. And people go, yeah, that's a good idea. Let's legalize it. Now, from the date that booze was legalized to now, I wonder how many people have died in drunk driving accidents. I wonder how many lives maybe could have been saved had it not been easy to buy at the liquor store. And I agree with you. I agree with you 100%, Jay. I think that alcohol is way worse than pot. I do too. But when we're talking about a drug and we're saying, should we legalize a drug? No. There's so many benefits to being able to smoke marijuana. Beyond just the fun parts of it, which I think are fantastic. I'll come straight out and say it. I've never seen a problem with it. I just told you. I just told you one.

43:45That guy could have had a problem. Okay, so he doesn't have a problem with marijuana. Now he's got a problem with Xanax. Or caffeine. Now he's got a problem with caffeine. Now he can't quit smoking cigarettes. Fatty foods or anything. Honestly, and I feel sorry for the family, but maybe some controls built into his life on the way up to that would have been a good start. Yeah, I mean, that's great. I mean, if we lived in a perfect world, you know, for sure. Okay, the same guy has a problem with he can't. Not speed. He has to go as fast as he can when he gets in his car. Oh, well, gosh, just outlaw cars. You know, we just can't have cars. I don't think that we outlaw cars because cars right now are something that are beneficial to our society. But some people see the benefits of marijuana and THC. So are you okay with people with glaucoma and cancer having pot? Absolutely. The problem is that people are abusing it by and large. In fact, I would love to have a real statistic of the people that are going to these pot places because Channel 739 did an expose on it and what they found was it wasn't by and large people with glaucoma. That were sick. No, it was people that wanted to get some pharmaceutical grade weed. And get high. And get high. You know, and I'm torn on it because

45:08I've smoked my fair share in my day. But for me, it was a gateway drug. There is no question in my mind it was a gateway drug. Would I let my 16-year-old smoke pot? No. I wouldn't. But obesity is more of a problem in our country than people smoking too much weed. The fact that something is more of a problem, you know what's more of a problem than that? AIDS. You're always going to have something that's more of a problem. That's the same argument as they're going to do it anyway. Okay, Woods are going to outlaw cigarettes. You can't smoke anymore. You can't smoke cigarettes. Are you okay with that? You know, I'm not because they don't affect your... I can smoke a cigarette and drive. They kill you. So does pot. But wait a minute. And Jay, the example that you're using is you're saying they're going to take something that's legal now and outlaw it. Whereas what we're talking about is something that's illegal now.

46:03and making it legal. But they think that there's enough evidence to support its benefits. That's not why, though, L.O.B. Well, that and the fact that there's so much money already being spent on it. And plus, it should be freedom of choice. I should have the choice. I mean, I agree that kids under 21 should not be smoking weed because of the brain development and all that stuff that goes along with it. And that's the conversation I've had with my kids. It's like, hey, I know it's out there. I know everybody at your school is doing it. But what I would suggest is waiting. Wait until you're 21 until your brain's... finish developing, and then you can figure out if this is going to be something for you. Listen, the advocacy group for this Prop 19, I think that there are some people that legitimately can use the benefits of medicinal marijuana. And to those people, I say, man, I think you should get it. I think you should be afforded that. I think that if it genuinely helps you, absolutely. Who would want to keep that from you? But I think that the people that are voting yes on 19 and the people that are even the proponents of it, by and large, are people that want to get high. Want to get high. I agree with that statement. I really do. To me, that's not, and the reason it's not okay to me is because I have a four-year-old and I have twins that are 13 months old and I got to bring them into a world already where there's coke.

47:30Where there's a lot of stuff that's destructive. Pills. Pills. Nasty prescriptions. There's terrible, there's stuff out there. There's drugs already. And I have to ask myself, am I going to vote to make something more available than it is now? Has anyone ever overdosed on marijuana? No, but I bet you LLB that somebody has gotten stoned and wrecked their car. Because I know I've been stoned and tried to drive. Someone can drink too much coffee and be too jittery. Maybe. That's why I'm saying I'm torn. I think it's like alcohol in Europe, right? They start drinking when they're 10 years old. They have wine with dinner, and they don't have the problems that we have here with addiction and with rehabs and things like that. Because it's not such a big deal. Part of me leans towards that side that says, if you make it legal, it's not going to become as big a deal and not as taboo. The other part of me is like, I think about when I have a child, I don't want my kids smoking dope. And maybe the potency levels can be regulated. And there can be things in place to make sure people aren't abusing it. I'll tell you this, and I mean this honestly. If I wanted to buy weed today, me, okay? Honestly, I don't know how.

48:49I don't know who to go to. I don't know how to get weed. I'm sure I could. It would be easy to get. But I don't know how to get weed. Okay? If it were legal, it would be real easy. I'd go to 7-Eleven. Okay? I don't... I already see enough in our culture that is values going the wrong way. I already see enough in our culture where kids are under attack. And to me... legalizing pot is just another way to do it. M1 Grace from Encinitas. Are you there, Grace? I have something. Must be high. Oh, we lost Grace. Let's see. M1 Bisquick from San... Oh, no, no, no. Sorry. M1 Bones from PB. Hey, what's going on, guys? What's up? Hey, there's two different sides to this argument. You know, you have to also take into consideration prescription pills.

49:52You know, pain pills and all this and that. I have 11 broken vertebrae in my neck and my back. I have plates all up and down my spine from a motorcycle accident. And, you know, I don't sit there and pop pills all day long. I don't sleep at night. And I also don't abuse marijuana. But it does help my back. It does help my neck. It helps me sleep at night when I need it. And, you know, hey, dude, I can't take you know, I'm not going to I'm not going to argue the fact that you're finding relief medically from pot. And it seems to me like you don't have any problems getting it. And so I just don't you know, I've got kids. And so knock yourself out, bro. Go to your dealer. Get yourself your pot. And I don't want to legalize something that is another.

50:52enemy for my kids. And I mean that in the purest sense of the word. I don't want my boys smoking pot. And I'm not going to tell, you know, with all due respect, man, Jay, you can do it your way, man. What I'm going to tell my kids is something that I was never told. And that is, I don't ever want you to smoke pot. Ever. Ever. I don't ever want you to. Did you do it, Dad? Yeah, I did. And I think it was filthy. And it brought me to doing this and to doing this. You know what I did, kids? I did coke. I did meth. I've been addicted to every single thing. And it brought me to... It brought me to every destructive thing that you could possibly think about. And, dude, absolutely, man. I mean, knock yourself out, dude. You can go get high. I mean, it sounds to me like you're able to do it. Yeah, but then you take all the penalties away for those who are trying to supply the people that need the medical marijuana. So some people are still having to sneak it and grow it and then bring it in. And so now we're putting these people in prison for growing weed? Seriously? I mean, to me, beyond it looking like a leprechaun, it's just not that big a deal. It's like saying, hey, the guy who distills vodka.

52:13I mean, you could drink too much, and yes, it is already legal, but it's the same thing. You have to make the right choices. You don't drink a whole bottle of vodka at night. If you're going to smoke, you don't smoke all the weed you can in one night. Let's see. M1. Did we get Grace back? Because Grace was pretty fired up, and I want to talk to Grace, but I think we lost her. M1 Hector from Oceanside. You there? Hey, go ahead. I think it might just be you. Like a better demeanor? More positive? Mellow? Dude, I've met a lot of guys that get high and get aggro.

53:16Yeah, but that's the same thing with shots. Absolutely. People have to decide what works for them. But he's saying, hey, man, if you're mad, you just smoke a bowl and you're all good. Yeah, it doesn't work for everybody. People get paranoid. You know, Hector, hey, Hector, listen, I don't have any statistical data. I don't know that 50% of San Diego County smokes marijuana like you think. I don't think that. What's that? 58% support it. Oh, boy. I don't know that. I hope it doesn't pass. It's going to get me to the voting booth to vote on it. I would like to see more about what the prop includes, like what kind of regulations will be on it. Because I don't think it should be easy as going to pick up a gallon of milk at 7-Eleven. Let's get a jerk. Yeah. I mean, you have to get, even if you get cough syrup with codeine in it now, you have to get it. You have to go up to the pharmacist and get it. You know what I mean? You can't just. You know what else I think? You just made me think, I bet there's a lot of people right now that don't smoke weed. Middle-aged people, people that have, you know, just a regular job, whatever. Don't smoke weed, maybe they never have. Maybe some of them find it available and they smoke it and, hey man, no big deal. They smoke it responsibly, it's cool. Maybe some people see that it's readily available and they're like, you know what, I'm going to try it. And they do.

54:50And maybe like that kid that I told you about, it loosens them up a little bit. They're trying something different. Wow, this is pretty cool. And that does lead them to do something else. And that does lead them to do something else. And that can happen. And then a marriage is wrecked and a family is wrecked. And it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been available so readily. And if one of those happens, one of those happens, to me, It ain't worth it, man. I think if you have that kind of addictive personality, though, you can use whipped cream, you can use cough syrup, you can use any means that are available to try to get high. You sure could. So that's why I would be not for putting another one out there. I agree. I agree 100%. 5701949, there is not one call on the phone, by the way, that is against it. Right. You know, most people, well, most young people, I think, think it's... Hey, listen, if I was 19 years old, I would have voted yes for it just to be cool. But I, you know. You want to hear Barbara Walters mistakenly refer to Margaret Cho as openly gay when she's not? And she's married to a dude? Yeah, I got audio of it. And then it gets real awkward when Barbara tries to backpedal. It's next. Give that one out. Yeah, fire away. We're all heated in here. Do you guys think, let me ask you, Jay. Yes, sir. Do you think.

56:32that there are a lot of people in San Diego County that sell pot? Absolutely. You do? Oh, yeah. Really? Do you think... Okay, okay, okay. There's a ton of the, what do they call them, dispensaries now? No, no, no. I don't mean that. Drug dealers. I mean illegal drug dealers. Oh, yeah. You do? Oh, yeah. Do you... Okay. Do you think that there are guys that sell pot illegally? Do you think there's a lot of them or a little bit? I think there's a lot of them. You do? Absolutely. Do you think that they make a living off of it? I don't think they make a living off of it. I know some who do, but I know more who are just like, hey, I got a friend who's got a friend who's got a friend. Right. So they don't make a living off of it. Some do. I think plenty make a living. I think plenty do. Some do, for sure. I think it's impossible that some do. B.S. No, you don't. Oh, I know some do. No, you don't, Mike. I see where you're going with this, but yeah. Right. We're going to put them out of business. Yeah, and if we do, I wonder what they'll do to make a living. Maybe they'll work for the dispensaries. Maybe they'll become growers. I know some that are growers anyway, and they sell to the dispensaries. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Maybe they'll go into philanthropy.

57:47Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe computer programming. Maybe they'll go into computer programming. You know what? They might. Maybe by legalizing pot, the people that sell it right now to make a living, what they'll do is they'll go to work for some kind of vocation. You know, they'll be like, you know what? I can't sell my pot anymore, so I think what I'll do is I'll learn how to weld. I'll be a cobbler. I'll be a cobbler. Why can't they sell it to the dispensaries? Yeah, they sell it to the dispensaries. If all of a sudden there's going to be a need, there's going to be a need for farmers and farmland. Because a lot of them don't grow it. A lot of them don't grow it. What they do is they buy it, and then they redistribute it at a higher cost. That's what a lot of them do, and they make their living that way. So when they can't make their living that way anymore, maybe they sell something else. No. That's impossible. I don't think so either. I don't believe that because- Why would they? Because I've dealt with those kind of people before, and they are very specific on- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't even use that. Not that I've ever tried to buy that stuff, but don't even use that word because that carries such bigger penalties. You're talking like lifetime getting caught with some of that stuff. So you're painting with such a broad brush that these people are- Dirty birds. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're not talking about what they are, what they're blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, you're saying they're going to step to the next phase where it's obviously to you they're going to sell like a harder drug. All I know. They may carry weapons and all of a sudden they're bad people. Wait a minute. I'm not talking about good people, bad people. Because if we're getting into that, then that means that you're like, hey, just because they're pot sellers doesn't mean that they're bad people. And I'm not even going to argue that. Who cares? I don't believe I'm.

59:13altogether good. Had that conversation yesterday. I don't believe anybody is altogether good. But I do believe that if you end a man or woman's income, they got to find another way to make income. And so maybe after a little while, they go, okay, I'm not going to sell heroin. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to sell meth. I'm not going to sell Coke. Now, pills are actually out there right now. They're legal. They get them through for pain, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'll sell that, but I ain't some heroin dealer. I'm not a blah, blah, blah dealer. I'm just saying. I don't know. I don't know. I think you just go to a doctor if you need those kind of pills, don't you? I've never known anybody that's never looked. I have. I have too, man. I have. I'll tell you, dude, I know guys that have been just hooked on Oxycontin and Vicodin and Percocets and, you know,

1:00:13Xanax. I mean, dude, I know a guy in Dallas that that's his bit. Well, then we shouldn't prescribe those anymore to people. He's like, I need Xanax. Make those illegal. There is a medical use for pot. There's a medical use for pot for people that genuinely need it. And like I said, I believe that people that genuinely need it should get it. Yeah. The problem is that by making it, I wouldn't be for, I wouldn't be for. a proposition that said we take opiates, like Percocet and all those pain pills, and we make those available on the shelf. No, I wouldn't either. I wouldn't be for that. These drugs that end up being prescribed by doctors, they have to go through the FDA, they have to get patents, they have to get approved. If the marijuana has to go through regulations and patents and... Just restrictions on how people get it, you know? It shouldn't just be readily available to just get the same way, like I said. But isn't it prescribed now? It's prescribed now. It is prescribed, but I'm saying, if they're saying, okay, this isn't as potent, this isn't as powerful, this isn't deadly like an overdose of OxyContin can be, maybe we can make it as available as we make something like alcohol or cough syrup with protein. Regulated. Let's see. And let's make a lot of tax money on it. M1 Carey from San Diego.

1:01:32Hey, guys. Hi. I just wanted to say I love this show. I happen to be on the Mikey side of things because just from personal experience, my mother was a drug addict. My grandmother was a drug addict. And just so knowing that it was just in my family history, I haven't touched a thing. And honestly, like, I get made fun of by my friends for it because, you know, they think that I'm like goody two-shoes and stuff. But I have not even touched cigarettes. Oh, wow. Because I don't even want to, you know, dabble in the possibility that I'm going to open up this Pandora's box of addiction in my life. That runs in your family. It totally runs in my family. Sounds like a smart... And it scares the hell out of me because I've seen the effects that it's done in my life. And, you know, trying to patch up things. But, you know, even if it is something just as menial as cigarettes or putt, I don't even want to try. you know, that possibility. And I work in the field where, you know, I hear stories every day about, you know, people that lose their lives or their jobs or families because of, you know, and Mikey, you're right, you know, just starting off with something like pot where people just think it's so benign and it just opens up, you know, a whole other world of addiction and, you know, pills, crack, coke, you know, whatever, what have you. For some.

1:02:58Now, for some, it doesn't. For some, it doesn't. But the thing that concerns me is I'm just never OK with making something legal that already isn't that can potentially be harmful. I'm just not for that. Some people clearly are. And if that statistic is right, sounds like maybe more are here in San Diego. I don't know. We'll find out. You know, anyway. Okay, so the Barbara Walters thing. So, on The View, they're talking about Margaret Cho getting kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. It's riveting. And listen to what Barbara Walters says. The wonderful comedian Margaret Cho, and what got me about her was not, you know, just her, you know, dancing and shaking it, but her parents. Is that not cute? Look at that, how proud her parents are. Margaret, Margaret.

1:03:59She also, because she is openly gay, she talked about... She's married to a man. She's not openly gay anymore. Maybe she's bi. Anymore? Holy crap. I want to know what the next thing that was going to come out of her mouth was. Check it out. Now Barbara has to kind of get serious and explain. storyline was for. But the reason I thought so is that she talked about gay suicide. Right. She's against it. Well, who isn't against gay suicide? Well, some people. Obviously you. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. She's backpedaling. Wow. She's got a shovel. Wow. And there's a huge pile of dirt behind her where she's throwing it over her head. We discussed the case of the gay suicide. Are we all openly gay? Oh, my gosh. Well, it was like her coworkers were trying to save her, but they're like.

1:05:03Anymore. Anymore. Maybe she's bi. Maybe when she was a freshman. It was once. It was in college. She's curious. College. Bi-curious. Maybe she's bi. Oh, my God. Awkward. Hang on a minute. It was because I heard her talk about being against Grace Lewis' wife. It was because I heard she liked... Ellen's show. And I thought. Ellen. I thought. She liked Ellen. That's why I thought they were friends. If she likes Ellen. She must be open week way. Isn't everyone who likes Ellen open week way? Open week way. You know, Lauren, I was talking to Mike Esparza, who, as you know, is an openly gay man. I ran into him at Sir La Table. I was getting a burger and I saw him coming out of Sir La Table with like bags lined up on each arm. Pardon me. That doesn't make him openly gay. Just because he shops at a store that's known for selling.

1:06:15Doesn't it? Lauren, I was talking to Mike Esparza, who, as you know, is an openly gay man. Right, right, right. He shops at that, what's that fancy store that the gay guys shop at? It's at the, not the black and white stores. Oh, Z Gallery. Z Gallery. I saw him coming out of Z Gallery. Guys, guys, no, no, no. Didn't he buy you baller powder? Yeah. I was talking to Mike Esparza, who's an openly gay man. Hang on just a second, guys. Hi, Mike. Z Gallery is actually just a furniture store, so that doesn't make... Mike openly gay. But I fought. I fought. And the man was to purchase wings. Lauren, I was at Mike Esparza's house the other day, and you know he's openly gay. Right, right, right. And I just wanted to get a glass of water. Yeah. And I went into his cabinet, and I saw an orange sippy cup with silicone around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rebecca informed me that you are not to use that sippy cup. That is my openly gay husband, Mike's sippy cup. Oh, boy. Who is it? It's Captain Buzzkill. Hi, CBK. M1CBK. Oh, so now it's okay to just make fun of gay people and gay bashing. No. We're not gay bashing. Holy cow. You're all gay bashing. No. It's like calling someone openly black when they're clearly a white person. Right.

1:07:37It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense. That's a ridiculous analogy. Well, it makes sense. Because somebody can't be openly black if they're actually black. Well, someone can't be openly gay if they're not actually gay. Right. Does that make sense? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Wow. CBK, listen. I wanted to tell you that we saw your picture. Oh, yeah. On the internet. What are you talking about? The picture of you sitting in front of your computer with your glasses on, blasting a cigarette. You've been outed. You were listening to the Mikey Show podcast. Someone snapped your picture. You love us so much. Where did you get it? Somebody put it up on our Facebook fan page. You're wearing an M1 site t-shirt and it says Mikey Show on the screen. You got your big glasses on. Yeah, you got your hand in the cookie jar. Not literally. And your greasy hair. I'm standing on right now to look and see it.

1:08:42Just refresh the page. Did M1 Bass String do it? Yes, M1 Bass String put it up. I think your mom took the picture and outed you. Yeah. How did he get that picture? I think your mom outed you because she's tired of you. Did you see what he said about you two? Internet tough guy. You want to know something? What? I'm going to sue him for sneaking into my home. Your mom is the one that did it. I think Bass String may be slaying your mom. Oh, geez. That did it. What? He is a hot man. That did it. He is a hot man. Oh, my gosh. Is this 911? No. It's still us. Mikey Show. I'm going to sue everybody. Your mom's going to sue everybody. I'm going to sue M1 Nation. Sue Baystring. Baystring said your mom makes the best blueberry pancakes in the world. He said they melt. Hello?

1:09:52have sex with M1 Baystring. This is still the Mikey show. She did. It's still us. He's so mad. He is hopping mad. He's hot mad. He's really mad. Out of way, Baystring, doing a little covert op. Yeah, there you go. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Jump on a grenade from time to time. I bet his mom is a grenade. She looks anything like him. That is not fair to poor CBK. He had it coming. Yeah, he did. Captain Buzzkill. Yeah. Did you see the blubber picture of me from when I was 24 years old on a mug? Yes, I saw it. I think you look very svelte. You look good. Do I? Mm-hmm. I asked Mike if he got a nose job. Oh, yeah. Because if I got a nose job, I'd want it to look like this. Well, maybe you got it broken again. Again? You broke a nose? Wow, Woods just got a look on his face like, ooh, that may have been harsh.

1:11:01Did you break your nose? It looks way different in that picture. I'm telling you, it's because he's trying to be seductive. Your nose continues to grow. Yeah, your nose and your ears. Does it? I didn't know that. Your nose and your ears are the two things that keep growing. I want a nose job so bad, but I talked to a plastic surgeon, and he felt the skin on my nose, and he goes, the skin is very hard. A lot of people have very soft skin on their nose, and because it's hard. You know, it's hard to do the nose job. But I think that maybe I should consult with a different... No, you're fine. You'd look fantastic. You'd look weird. Your wife married you for what you look like now. Exactly. That's great. I just think... Excuse me. I think I would be more confident. Yeah, so did Michael Jackson. Love yourself. I got to bring in a picture of me before I got mine. And I didn't get mine because I wanted to. I got one because I had to. Oh, because you got mugged. Yeah, I got beat up. That is a reason, though. Yeah. Or a deviated septum. Do you want me to beat you up? No. Okay. I was trying to help you out, dude. Well, why would I want you to beat me up? So you get a nose job. Yeah, but that's a harsh way to do it. Put your hands behind your back. Just one punch. No. No. It's terrible. Stop it. Hello? Hello? I would like to tell Mikey that I think it's a fine idea for him to get a nose job. Well, it's not Michael Jackson. Dead Michael Jackson.

1:12:27Hello. Hello. That is a gateway to all the other things that you got done, though. Which is just, you look repugnant. I'm sorry. Excuse me. This is Michael Jackson. I know. I have never actually had plastic surgery. Really? I'm just saying that I think it's fine if Mikey wants to get plastic surgery. No. You've got to be who you are. Be true. I'll support him in his quest. I will, too. I'm his friend. But I wouldn't necessarily have ever gotten it. Really? I never did. Yeah. Do you fall in a vat of acid then? No. I had one procedure done, and I will admit to it. What? I had a tummy tuck. Really? No. You did not. You were already thin. No, I had a little tummy tuck after my cesarean. But other than that, I haven't had any kind of procedure done. Just walk into a dark closet full of scalpels. See what happened? I, one time, was messing around with Whiteout. A 40-foot bottle. A vat. Of Whiteout. A vat. And it spilled. It stayed. I couldn't get it off. Did somebody attack your face? Shut up. Michael Jackson got Michael Jackson mad, Woods. That got him mad. It's hard to know. It is. He's so mild-mannered. You hear that sound?

1:14:00That is a sweet, seductive sound, isn't it? The sound is pride. You know what we're going to do next? What? We are going to do BB Gunn Quick Draw. In. Before I do that, I want to say hi to M1 Steve. M1 Steve, are you there? Yes, I'm here. What was the word of the day? The word of the day was blubber. That's right. That's correct. Word of the day was blubber. You won a $236 value four-pack to SeaWorld. Hang on the line, okay? Awesome. Thanks a lot. You got it. So call us right now, 570-1949. You're going to pick me, Woods, or Jay to see who you think will be the best shot with a BB gun. And we're going to do BB gun quick draw. What, Woods? I'm doing my Bruce Willis. What, he doesn't blink? This song, dude. Why don't you get on the same page? You're very strange, Woods. Did they already legalize marijuana?

1:15:10Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Woods. Yeah. Don't ever say I don't listen or pay attention. This is your bathroom song. Okay? Don't say I don't listen or pay attention or care about your needs. Thank you, Woodsy. Rebecca's like, no. L.O.B., you have no idea. I've been playing this song over and over and singing it. I believe it. Now we'll all be singing it all day. I know it. It's a jam. You know what I do when I'm in my car? What? Play fake piano? On my lap. I do too. I don't know how to play piano, but I pretend that, not only do I pretend that I can play, but I'm actually really good, and I'm very graceful, and I even know that sometimes I have to hit the keys a little harder. Sometimes when I play the piano on my lap while I'm driving and listening to Elton John. I have to use a soft touch. I do that too. With Tori Amos a lot too. We are weird. Does he say sugar bear? Sugar bear. I do it in here. That's why Lord always goes, are you stomping your feet out there? I'm playing the piano and I got to use the foot pedal. You even go as far as the foot pedal. I got to have the foot pedal. You're full of it. You use the foot pedal? Absolutely. That's what you said the other day when you said, are you stomping out there? You are not doing foot pedal style. You're doing like bass drum style. Well, I could have been playing the bass drum too. I do that as well. Bonnie.

1:16:36Let's do this in this part right here. Okay. Honey, my goodness. Hey, Bernie. Yes. I was wondering if you could possibly write me a song that would make people think I'm even more of a gay man than I am right now. Like with sugar bears and butterflies flying. Well, I've written some songs, though, that make you think. Right, right. But try to gay up the next one, if you could. Yeah. Make it a little more gay. You have to tell me. What do you want? All right, mate? I want a song that sounds like I'm a straight man. I'm trying. It's 1974. I'm trying, Elton. But your company's not even out yet. For goodness sake, it won't be out for another seven years. Exactly. But listen to me, Elton. I'm trying to write songs that make you look straight.

1:17:40Butterflies and sugar bears? Really? Really? All right, you got me there. How about leather and latex? How about a ball gang? Hang on a second. A ball gang. You're being disruptive. Just write a... Listen to me for a moment. Write a bloody song. I can write a million... Like Rocket Man. Shut up. Daniel, my brother. Hang on. Not Daniel, my lover. May I get a word in edgewise? No! I can write as many straight songs for you as possible. You go on stage with a bloody rainbow afro, you moron. What's the matter with you? Just write a decent song. Stop it. You dress like a duck while you sit at your... Oh, bollocks. You dress like a duck. Bollocks. You wear oversized sunglasses. You wear suspenders at a rainbow. I look just like Mike Esparza. You won't even be born for another 14 years, you moron. Wonder if Rebecca's tired of hearing this while I'm showering at the top of my lungs. With or without the music playing? Are you just doing? Okay. With. You nearly. I'm in there. The shower's gone. Whole thing. I don't even care. I don't even care. Stadium. Babe. Yeah, babe. Will you shut? Mike. Mike. Babe. Babe.

1:19:22Yeah, honey. Will you please shut your mouth? Why? If you don't shut your mouth, I will shut it for you. What's the problem? You don't shut your mouth. If I have to listen to you sing Elton John one more time, I'm going to slit your throat. I turned the water off because I couldn't even hear you. You're ruining the song. I'm going to slit your throat. You nearly had me roped in time. I'm going to pack our bags. I'll be at my mother's, okay? You sing. You make a choice. It's Elton or me. Pick. I pick you. Are you going to leave me? Is that what you're telling me? Yes, if I hear that song one more time. This is what I have to say to you if you're going to leave me. I'm leaving. Babe, I'm just kidding. See you later. No, no, I was kidding, babe. I need towels. There's no towels, babe. Honey, where's Nita? Where's Nita?

1:20:36I don't know. In my country, we don't have strange little man in a cave. I'm not in a cave. You're a caveman? I'm not in a cave. I'm in the shower. And I need a towel, but I can't have you see me nude. I was not paid for this. No, no, no, no, no. Don't bring in... porn star? No, no, no. It's not like that. I just need a towel. But you have a clear shower door, so there's no way I can miss what is happening in this area. I know that, but maybe you don't just stare directly into my eyes right now. Maybe you should have got a towel before you decide to have rock concert in the shower. I need a towel. I need a towel. There's a rug you can use. I'm not going to use a rug. I've got three kids in my arms because you kick your wife out. You can just air dry, I think. In my country, no man would call another man a butterfly. I just don't understand.

1:21:59I'm not talking about another man. Will you just give me a towel? Please, Nita, give me a towel. Babe! I was kidding about the butterfly. I go back to Budapest. Wow. Oh, man. Weirdos. I've been singing that song nonstop. You're a pretty good singer. You are. That's not bad, man. Elton's not easy. I mean, he's easy, but he's not easy to imitate. That is my brother's go-to. Every time he does karaoke, he does Elton John. Oh, I love Elton John. You know how I know you're gay? All right. It's killing me! Okay, so you guys ready to do a little... Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. What is this called? Are you ready? Quick Draw. BB Gun Quick Draw. BB Gun Quick Draw. 570-1949-M1. Trish from Fallbrook. Are you there? Yes. Okay, who are you picking to be the best shot? Yeah! Hang on the line.

1:23:04M1 Larry from La Mesa, who do you want? I'm going for you, Mikey. Good choice, bro. I'm a good shot. And M1 Beth from San Diego, you get Jay. All right. Hang on the line. All right, the way that this is going to work is we are going to put a little target on our buttocks, a paper target. and then we get three shots. We have to make the shots within 15 seconds. You should come over here, L.O.B., and you can hit this start button right here, and it starts the timer. Really? And so you can tell us when the 15s, or, you know, use your watch or whatever. I'll use this. I don't want to sit in the captain's seat. Okay, cool, cool, cool. I'll break something. All right, we get 15 seconds, okay, to get three shots. And the targets that are on our bum are... Bum! They're given a... You know, numerical. Point values. Point values. What are the point values? The outer ring is five. Okay. The next ring in is ten. And the very center is twenty. Got it. Twenty. All right, so Jay is. Give him a minute. Sorry. Sorry. All right, Jay's going first. So I'm going to shoot Woods. Quick draw. Woods is going to shoot Mikey. And then somebody shoot me. Mikey's going to shoot Jay. I'm going to shoot Jay. Which I'd prefer.

1:24:25I'd prefer, you guys are lucky that you get me because I pose a bigger target. Yeah, but the targets are all the same size. That's true, that's true. So you have to start off with the gun uncopped. Woods, you've got exposed skin on the top. I'll get him, I'll get him. Are we ready? Yeah, and you're going to time LLB 15 seconds. Do you want me to say go or are you going to? Yeah, and there may be some misfires, so if it doesn't shoot, we get to re-copped. You get to re-shoot. You want me to tell you when to go? Here we go. Ready? Yeah, she's going to tell you. LLB will tell you. Okay. Three, two. One. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, that looks painful. Oh, wow. Look at Woods. Woods is laying down on the beanbag, shaking his legs. It really hurt. It looks like Jay got him like six times. That paper is busted. Gosh. You guys are insane. You're going to break the skin. Are you serious? You should have worn your thermals. No boxers, bro? I'm not wearing any either. You guys went commando on quick draw day? And he's got spandex leggings on. Yeah. So weird. Dude, that hurts. Didn't you get the paper a lot, Jay? Oh, I did, yeah. It's right here. We're going to put them all up there. Mount them all up there. Who's next? Did you get a dead center? No.

1:25:54No. You should get it over with, Mike. How many points do you have? I hit the ring of the center. I don't know if that counts. No, you got 30. You had to get inside. 30? 30. Jay's got 30. Got 30. Holy crap, that hurt, dude. I bet. Here, Mike. Mike, you ready? I'm up next? Yep. Okay. All right. Oh, man. You shake it? No, you have to be shy. Oh, I'm ready to be shy? Yeah. Oh, man. Why are you choosing right cheek each time? I don't know. He did left cheek. That's left cheek, bud. Your other right, pal. It hurts today. I'm telling you. I'm going to give you a 3-2-1 countdown, Woods. No cheating. This is right here. This is where I was. Woods, right here. This is your mic. I'm not a great shot. Are you cocked and ready to go? No, no, it can't be cocked. I can't be cocked. Oh, okay. Are you ready to go then? I'm going to count you in. 3, 2, 1. First shot. Oh, I don't think he hit the target even. Oh, he's shooting it on the...

1:26:52He never hit the paper, I don't think. Wait, why'd you stop? He didn't hit the paper once. Why'd you stop? What do you mean? Three shots. He got three shots. Oh, I thought you had 15 seconds. No, it's just you have to get three shots. Woods a zero. Woods got a zero. It hurt. Mine hurt today. It hurt. There you go. Oh my gosh. Stop it. No, I don't want to look at your butt. Do I have to, uh, is this ready to fire? You can't. You got to cock when the time starts. Okay. You tell me when. Okay. Three. Crap, that hurts. Two. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on just a second. Hey, Jay. Hey. Can you move your, uh, buttocks just a little bit that way? There you go. Perfect, Jay. Perfect. Happy birthday, pal. Here we go. He's got a bony butt. Okay. Three, two, one. Remember, you only have 15 seconds, dude. Oh, gosh. He missed him again. I think we have a clear-cut winner here, unless Mikey hits a bullseye. And stop. You missed three times. I missed three times? Oh, yeah. You hit the same spot right down here. Really? Holy cow. I got to figure out how this thing shoots. Wow. Painfully. Well, Jay's had that thing since he was a boy. Yeah.

1:28:23That's been a long time ago. Winner, winner. Ain't no room for the two of us in this town. Pilgrim. That's right, partner. I'm the worst shot in the West. Second worst. Second worst. Man, that hurt today. I don't know what's going on with Daisy. Okay, let's see. I'm thinking it must be cited because All of our shots, all of my shots hit the same exact place, which was low and to the left. Where did I get you? There. Yeah. The sack? Yeah, you kept shooting at the same spot. I was aiming at the target. I was aiming at the target. Did I get your junk? Yeah. I didn't.

1:29:14I think he shoots for the... I think he does, too. I don't. A terrible shot. It just has a pull on it or something. The thing with the BB gun is it's got a drop to it. It shoots, and the BBs always drop, so you have to allow for the drop. So you aim high? Yeah, you aim a little high. Oh, wow. My butt is on fire. Yeah. Your butt is on fire. It's killing me. I love that you would not have liked it today. It's got extra juice to it. I'm telling you. After the first one, I go, I'm dead. You see me flinching every time it misfired? I was like, oh, it's going to hurt. That was a blast. Who won? I'm a big winner. 30 points. Jay won M1 Beth from San Diego. That's right. What'd she win, Jay? She won a SeaWorld packet. Okay, cool. Hang on the line, okay? Thanks so much. You are very welcome. Paris Hilton and her boyfriend were in a car and pulled away and ran over a photographer's foot and ankle. Weird. Here is the photographer. Now, it's a woman named Carol Williams. They keep referring to her as a photographer. Does that mean paparazzi? Yeah, probably. It probably means that she was too close to the car. You know who doesn't get their foot run over?

1:30:40Here's the 911 call. Actually, you know what? I think I'm going to make you wait. When we come back, I am going to play you the 911 call of this photog. What about me, dude? Yes, we'll talk to you too, Nacho. I have a press conference to hold, bro. I want to hold the press conference, dude. Now! Nacho, do you love this song? I don't even know what this is, dude. I like girls. You have a Kajagoogoo wallet. You know this band. A Kajagoogoo wallet, dude. Velcro. This is so stupid. What is this, dude? Kajagoogoo. Too shy. Sounds like VD, bro. So when we come back, I'll play you the audio of the 911 call. Nacho wants to hold a press conference.

1:31:54And we got a lot of fun stuff. I'm going. Did George Harrison originally sing Here Comes the Sun? I think so. For the Beatles or was it Lennon or McCartney? Let's listen and find out. Hold on. It must have been Lennon or McCartney. Bob Dylan. Live version. Because this is George Harrison. Yeah. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna is not here. She is out on maternity leave. We miss her very much. We want to see her face. That's Jay over there in the next room. And that's gross. It's hot in here. Holy cow. Yeah, it is. You guys. It's so hot. You used to complain that it was too cold. Now it's too hot. I never did. Women. I'm not saying anything. I'm trying. Do you give me credit? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's, I think it was something that's not regulating right with the machine. I'm hot. Well, I have sweat under my pits. All right.

1:33:18My ball of powder is starting to run down my chest. I don't think it's very hot. Do you want to feel my chest? Maybe they make the thermometer. Forget it. Accessible. Thermostat. It's nice out here. Maybe they make the thermostat so we can adjust it. Jeremy. Jeremy, please. Give us four degrees of control. Please. Just four degrees. That's all we want. 68 to 72. You guys do good with that? I think what happens, too, is when we all have coffee, our body temperature will go up momentarily, and then it emits the body heat, and then poof. Here is a paparazzi, Carol Williams, and she has gotten her foot run over by Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, because she's a paparazzi. Hey, move out of the way. Yeah. Creep. Stop pressing up against the car. To take pictures of Paris Hilton, who does nothing? Please. Where are you at?

1:34:53By Boa Restaurant. Okay. Is the vehicle still there? No, they left. They took off. They didn't even stop. They were trying to leave. You threw yourself in front of the car. Yeah, they hit and run. You know, they did a hit and run. They left. Really? They were already leaving and you jumped out to try to get a shot. I like how she said I was run over. Yeah. I was run over. Do I say that? I wasn't run. My foot was run. He goes, oh, you got hit by a car? My foot was. Was run over. Just in, like, a lot of pain. My buddy ran over my foot with a golf tournament, with a golf cart, and that hurt like crazy. I can't imagine what a car would feel like. People got video of it in the picture. Okay, do you need paramedics? I'm sorry? Do you need paramedics? I might, because my... Oh, boy. I might. I might, because... I just want this to be a big story, and I want my 15 minutes as well. It really stings. I might. want to sue a rich heiress. I can bend my foot, but... You can bend your foot? You know, when your foot's broke, you can't... 9-1-1 is for emergencies. Again. You can call... I think you were trying to call your friends to tell them. Yeah. This is 9-1-1. No, actually, I wanted proof that I was really hurt, so I decided I'd call 9-1-1. But how is that proof, man? We're trying to...

1:36:18Because I was just standing there trying to take a picture and they hit me and they ran. Weren't they leaving? I don't know what they were doing. All I was trying to do was my job just to take pictures. Who were you taking pictures of? Paris Hilton and her boyfriend. But I thought you said that that's who hit you. They did. Wait. Yeah. You're saying that you were taking pictures of them and they were trying to get away from you. Excuse me? I said you were trying to take pictures of them. And they were trying to get away from it. I didn't say that. I just said I was taking pictures, and they decided that they were going to take the vehicle out of control and run me over. Or do you not? I mean, I can get paramedics. Why do you get paramedics? Ma'am, if it's you. She's asking. Hey, I'm asking you. How do I score the most cash? What should I say? Should I get them? I should get them. I'll get them. Okay. Why are you asking somebody? Why are you asking? I love it. So they're sending paramedics. Away from somebody that couldn't use them, probably. Yeah.

1:37:41Maybe get one of those people that you're asking questions to to drive you to urgent care. Yeah. Don't even go to the emergency room since it's not an emergency. Really don't even go to urgent care. If there's such a thing as it's not that bad care, go there. If there's such a thing as wait until the doctor's office opens in the morning care, go there. Or if there's such a thing as go home and stick your foot in a bucket of ice for a little while and then take a gander at it in the morning. If there's such a thing as... Take an Advil care? Go to that place. What's your name? Carol Williams. Did you hear I said Paris Hilton? No, no, no. Yeah, I heard that. I heard that. She's the one that did it. I know, I know. Are you trying to make headline news or something? No, I'm just trying to get justification. Okay, but you were taking... Justice. Are you a paparazzi? No, I'm a photographer. I hear a shutter in the background. Yeah, I'm a photographer. Are you taking pictures now? Is that you taking pictures? Not anymore. I can hear them. Those are my fellow photographers taking pictures of my foot. Why so many pictures of your foot? Make sure we get the right angle. Do you have a callback number? Do I have a callback number? You're asking if you have a callback number? You don't know that you have a callback number? You got an asset? Sorry? That's it. Well, she'll pay, I'm sure. Something else, right? She'll pay. Oh my goodness. She's got the money.

1:39:19Those people, I have no tolerance. I know, they really bother me every day when I'm out on the streets. Okay, so what's this? Meg Whitman's nanny supports the housekeeper? Yeah, there's a lady, Jill Armstrong, that was a former full-time nanny for Meg Whitman's family, that's come out and said, oh yeah, I absolutely believe Nikki Diaz, the lady that we saw and heard crying. She's saying she asked Meg Whitman to get her immigration attorney and Meg Whitman laughed at her. Correct. She basically said, hey, listen, I know the family and I know what it was like and she is cheap and she is mean. Didn't she make like $23 an hour or something like that? I don't know. It doesn't sound cheap. And I totally believe it. And then this other guy, Eric C. Bauman, who chairs the local organization of the Democratic Party, says that... Quote, we don't know how many other former Whitman nannies are out there, but what is clear is how poorly Whitman treats her employees. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions. She's been forced to settle lawsuits for making insider stock deals and for shoving a female employee. With nanny gate, it'll be obvious to the majority of Californians that she is unfit as an employer and unfit to be California's governor. Kind of a loose cannon, maybe a little bit. Her? Bag Whitman, maybe a little. She shoved some. Oh, boy.

1:40:44I mean, is that proof of it? Yeah. Is there somebody just saying it? No, I think there is proof. What is it? At eBay that she shoved a female employee. How is that? Wow. How is there proof of it? I think it's on record. It is? I think so. Are you looking at the record? No, I'm not looking at the record. What am I, Tom Brokaw over here? I got one story. I'm Tom Brokaw. I do not have it on record at all. So I'm wondering where you find the story. All I report is what I see, pal. Yeah, but you're reading out of the comic strips. I want to make my press conference, dude. Why? About what? Why are you here? Are you allowed to be here? Yeah, dude. Uncle Jay brought me. Oh, yeah. Okay. Shouldn't you be in school or something? I don't go to school, bro. My bad. That's not a bro. I already graduated, dude. You may take pictures now. I am here to hold this press conference today, ladies and gentlemen. You're taking pictures of yourself. It's all right, man. I'm part of the press, dude. It's okay if I take them. You are part of the press and you're the speaker. Good side. Other side. Bottom side. Easy nacho. I am here to make an announcement. I was in fact Meg Whitman's pool boy. And during my time.

1:42:20Servicing her pool. I engaged in illicitness. I cannot say to which extent. You're legal, right? As far as you know. Now, on the occasion of October 32, 1992. There's no such thing as October 32. October 31. October 31. Maybe it was a leap year. 2002, bro. I and Ms. Whitman were hanging out, drinking Coronas. I seriously doubt that. And all of a sudden, she was all, oh, why don't you go get some limes? And I was all, I don't even know where there's limes at. And she was all, why don't you go in the house, sexy, and get me some limes? Oh, boy. And I was just all.

1:43:21whoa, what are you trying to do, man? And she was all, whoa, take off that wife beater. And I was all, okay, fine. And so I took off my wife beater, bro, and she was all, oh, my gosh, washboard abs, washboard abs. She really say that? Yeah, dude, and I was all, and I was all, what, what, baby? You know all I have is my just, I. You know I can't do anything with this dude. I'm too young for you. It will never work. And she was all, forget the limes. Let's just go straight to the appetizer. Oh, boy. I mean to the dessert or whatever. Nacho, are you saying that you had sexual relations with Meg Whitman? No, but we made out. You made out with Meg Whitman. You've been known to lie. You don't know, dude. No. Where does she live? You may take photographs. Where does she live? 2002. That was like eight years ago. I think you said 92. She lived. He said 2002. Did you say 2002 or 92? Yes. She lived at eBay, bro. No. Yeah, dude, she did. They have a pool at eBay? Yep. And I was hanging out there, dude. Nobody else was around except you guys? It was after hours, bro.

1:44:47What happened to your washboard abs? You're kind of loose. I still have them, Essie. Where do you keep them? I keep them under my shirt, dude. I'm not going to show you, though, because I don't roll that way. There's a lot of things wrong with this picture. Name one. There's a pool at eBay. She's living at eBay. There's beers at eBay. You guys are there alone after hours. No limes, dude. Okay. You forgot. And you made out. With an old woman, Meg Whitman. At the time, she was super young. That's why I fell prey. How old are you now? 23. So you were 15. Yeah. You shouldn't even be allowed to work there. Didn't you have to be 16 to work in California? No, at the time, dude, the law said you only had to be 14. No, you really didn't. Under statute 44, bro. I think you're full of it. You don't even know. You're getting in the middle of my conference, bro. I'm sorry, dude. Go ahead. What else? He's just trying to get the facts straight. You got an attorney? You got a high-powered attorney? Yeah. Who? Kardashian, dude. He's dead, I think, isn't he? What about Robert Shapiro? Robert Shapiro. He's dead. Oh. What about Johnny Crockett? He's dead as well. He's dead. He's dead. Adam Dershowitz. He's alive, I think. Adam Dershowitz? No, Adam Levine. Adam Levine, the singer from Maroon 5, is your attorney? Okay.

1:46:15Is that the singer? Good luck with that. That's the singer from Maroon 5. I screwed up, okay? What's his name? Adam, Adam? His name's Adam. Adam, Adam. Yes, Adam, Adam. Adam, Adam, attorney at law. He works at an attorney practice called Adam, Adam, and Adam. And I am here today to just put out the facts, bro. Can we take pictures? You may now take photographs. When are you taking questions? I will now take questions. Do you have any evidence whatsoever to back up this allegation that you were involved with Meg Whitman? Probably. Next. Do you have any pay stubs or anything that will show you were on the payroll at eBay? I did, but I unfortunately lost them the last time that I moved. Are you still doing pools? Because I need some work on my pool. Of course I am, Uncle Jay. Perfect. Hmm. Hmm. Did you ever have any relations with the said nanny or housekeeper? Something I cannot speak of today. I have heard that you also had an affair with Jerry Brown. Can you speak to this? That is a ridiculous claim. So is what you're saying. Because I am more man than you are, dude. Really? I'll take you on any time. Let's go. Wow. I'm just kidding, dude. Don't hurt me. Oldie BB gun challenge.

1:47:42I now will admit some things about Stephen R. Woods. Stephen L. Woods. This is where it gets good. On the evening of September 38th of 19... 28th? Of 19... What? There's no 38th. 28th of 2010. Mr. Stephen L. Woods. Got me drunk on champagne. No, I did not. And high C. High C? I did not. I don't drink champagne. I know, that's why you give it away. I like girls. Then I said to him, can you buy me a couple of kegs? That's true. That's true. That was true. And then he did. You bought kegs for him? Yeah, he's over 21. He says he's not, but he is. As far as you know. I paid for them. I think he's 17 right now. Yeah. No. He just said he's 22. He said it, but I don't think he is. He also made me put spray paint into a paper bag and breathe it in. Ew. What? It's called huffing. That's disgusting. Yeah. He's a terrible influence on me. He's terrible. Woods. That is all. Thank you. One more thing. If there are any publishers listening, I am willing to write a tell-all book.

1:49:10detailing Stephen R. Woods and his activities. I would read that. I would read that. Yeah, that would be a bestseller. Yeah. I would buy it. For sure. Seems like it went July to me. Yeah, nachos for sure. Mine, not so much. What do you think about this? Got this email. It says, Mikey. My girlfriend was contacted by a dude that she used to hook up with. They were never anything serious, and it was a situation of them being friends with benefits. Well, she asked me if I felt comfortable with her seeing him. I told her no. She was cool with the answer, but asked me to explain why so that she could better understand. I know I don't like the situation and wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing the dude, but I can't put it into words.

1:50:10I'd love your opinion on the situation and the rest of the Mikey show. Thanks. M1 science. Well, first of all, the reason that you are on, well, if I had to take a guess, the reason that you're uncomfortable with her seeing him is because she used to hook up with him. Now I'm going to now use L.O.B. to be that girl. And you have to remember L.O.B. You got to be. Your whole deal is to make me feel like I'm the insecure one. Okay. Okay. I'm going to try. So everybody listening right now, this is an exercise in how you would do this. My guess is this guy, M1 Science, is young. I'd say probably 22, 23. Probably. Yeah. Okay. And at 22, 23, you don't know how to effectively deal with these things. Right. Because you don't want to be thought of as insecure.

1:51:13And so if a girl says you're just being insecure, you're like, oh, my gosh, I don't want to be that. And so, you know, you don't know how to cleverly get your way through that minefield. Correct. And so this will be an exercise in trying to do that. OK, so L.O.B., you're the girl. Hey. Hey. Did you did you finish watching the Jersey Shore? I did. It was great. So hilarious. It was funny. Oh, I wanted to tell you. So this guy, Mark. I knew him like, I don't know, did I tell you who Mark was? Mark, the guy that you used to date? We didn't date, no. I mean, we like hung out, but that was it. We hung out, like hung out, like hung out? You know, like we hung out. Uh-huh. Well, yeah, he... He actually wanted to ask me a few questions because now that I'm working for the vet, he actually wants to go to veterinary school. So he just wanted to, like, get together, maybe get, like, a drink or even lunch or something at PB Bar and Grill and just get together and just talk about that stuff. Did you guys used to kiss? Well, yeah, but whatever. Why are you being weird? I'm not being weird. I was asking a question. How did you ask that?

1:52:24Why did I ask if you guys kissed? Yeah, weirdo. Well, because if this was a girl that you used to know named Sue, and you said, hey, Sue got a hold of me. She wants to know about veterinary school. Yeah. And I was thinking about going to PB Bar and Grill with her. Well, maybe me and Sue used to kiss too. Okay. I probably wouldn't have an issue with you seeing Sue, you know, because maybe you and Sue were just friends. Well, yeah. But this guy. It sounds like you guys used to have a physical relationship. Well, that was a lifetime ago. Do you think I just never had a physical relationship before you? No, I think you probably did. Yeah, and so did you. Yeah, yeah, no, I totally did. You're being ridiculous. Okay, hang on. Yeah. So, I have an idea. Okay. He wants to know about veterinary school. Yeah. Why don't you talk to him on the phone? And answer his questions. Because you know I hate to talk on the phone and I don't want to use up all my minutes on this guy. Maybe you get a ham radio. Maybe you get a CB. Oh my gosh. Really you don't like to talk on the phone? You're being so silly. Listen. I can't believe you. Let me tell you. I really care about you a lot. Should I come over there? No. Hang on. What? I care about you so much. Me too. That I don't want to put anything in the way of our relationship.

1:53:42It's not. I don't want us to be jeopardized in any way. Oh, please. And I don't want you to go see this guy, have a couple of drinks. I'm not going to have a couple. I just like one. Okay. Well, let's say you weren't going to have any drinks. Still, I'm a little worried about you seeing a guy that you used to hook up with because... You didn't even hook up with him again or something? Well, you know, listen. No. If I was going to do that, why would I tell you? I'm telling you because you can trust me. Amanda. If I didn't, yes. Amanda. Daniel. Amanda. Yes. Were you attracted to this guy at one point? At one point, but he's like. Right. What happens if me and you go through a rough spot? You've reconnected. I can go through a rough spot. Well, I probably never will. No. But if we do. You're reading way too into this. I know. It's just a drink. We'll have coffee if you want. Just coffee. No drinks. I tell you what. What? I'm really uncomfortable with it. I'd rather you not. I'd rather you not because I'm uncomfortable. It makes me really uncomfortable. Well, now you're projecting yours onto me and that's not fair. I'm trying to be open with you. I understand. Are you saying I can't ever have guy friends anymore? Are you saying that my feelings don't matter? No, I'm just saying, okay, this is my friend that I want to be friends with. Uh-huh.

1:55:01So you're saying from now on. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah. There's a difference between a friend and somebody who you are physical with. But we're not going to be physical again. No, not at PBY and Grill. I'm not even attracted to him anymore. Aren't you? No. Have you seen his Facebook picture? No. Why don't you show me? Are you friends with him? Yeah. Woods. Mikey seems like the psycho in this. I really think that. I know. You seem like. I know. But I'm not letting her out of it. But I wouldn't be comfortable. I wouldn't either. But I'm looking at Mikey going, dude, you're being a little girl. And I was doing my best to play the role that you wanted me to play, but I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't let her out of it. I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't let her out of it. You just keep. You just keep. You don't let him out of it. No way. But you may scare her off, man, big time. Not if you're dating. Not if you're dating. Yeah. In the back of her mind, you plant that seed of. Think about it. Think about it. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's possessive. Let's just get a quick bite together because my boyfriend's a little bit weird about it. So don't say anything. Don't put anything on Facebook or whatever. I'm not going to tell him, but it's not a big deal. Let me ask you a question. Fire. You ever dated that girl? Yeah, I have. I've never been that girl. I didn't like it. For the record. Oh, yeah. That girl will get you every time. I didn't like it. That girl, she's going to get you. I think so, too. And so my response to that is.

1:56:16If that girl is doing that and you're doing your bit like I was doing and you scare her, you're in good. Yeah. Good. I want to punch that girl in the face. Oh, yeah. There's you know, there's an especially I mean, obviously, especially when you're married. I mean, when you're married, it's a no brainer. No, they're not married. They're dating. But when you're married, that's just a no brainer. Even when you're dating, seriously, it's just like. Like you said, are you, are you not taking my feelings into consideration? It's just like, if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you then make the sacrifice to be like, okay, it's not always about me. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone, I have to take their, their comfort level, their respect level, their feelings into consideration. You know, and it's, it's hard because let's say you do, let's say you work with somebody, right? Like you guys, let's say you worked. What if Jamie was like, I don't want you and LOB having lunch after work. I'd be like, You're nuts. I would be like, you're nuts. But if it eventually got to the point where she really wasn't, then you'd have to respect that. Would I? I disagree with that. I disagree with that. What about this, though? What's more important, though? Your worst relationship with me or your relationship with your wife? Well, obviously, my marriage. But I would be scared. I'd be like, you've gone crazy. If you went to lunch with L.O.B. and you went to lunch, that's probably not a big deal. But if...

1:57:40all the, like, you start to go to lunch, and you start to go to lunch, and you start to go to, like, all the time? Yeah. I mean, if I went to lunch with L.O.B., I don't think my wife is going to have a problem with it at all. However, however, if all the time, she's like, what are you doing? Oh, me and L.O.B. are going to lunch. Where's Woods? He had to go home. What about Jay? Jay is working. Are you guys going to pop in on Sienna, or? Uh-uh. We're just, we're going. P.F. Chang. Just two of you guys? Again? Was it? Again? Again, yeah. Third time this week? Is it? Mm-hmm. I didn't even know. Oh, you didn't know. Are you counting them? Yeah. She should. Yeah. Should she? At that point. Yeah. Really? Kinda. I mean, my argument would be... Hey, honey, LOB and I do some writing and stuff for our radio show that we do every day. Maybe talk on the phone. And the more time that we can spend together, the better chemistry we'll have, which in turn will be better ratings, which in turn will be more money, which in turn will be less that you have to work, which in turn, you know, if you trust me, you shouldn't have a problem with it. I trust you, but I also know- Do you? Yes. How would you say you trusted me if you said that it bothered you that I went out to lunch with my coworker? Oh, I'll explain. I'm glad you asked.

1:58:58In fact, I'll answer your question with a question. Okay. You still do have men's private parts, right? Yes. Okay. That must mean that you have testosterone in your body, right? Okay. That means, oh, and let me ask you a question about LOB. Is LOB, because I'm going to pretend now, darling, that I've never met LOB. Is LOB... Seven foot four, 957 pounds. I see what you're getting at with your passive aggressive snotty comment. Right. L.O.B. is an attractive girl. Right. But I made that commitment to you when I put that ring on my finger. I know you did. That's why I'm curious why this behavior. The behavior of having lunch with a co-worker? Three times. That we're on a radio show? Three times when you know that every guy faces temptation every single day. No, L.O.B. doesn't tempt me and I don't tempt her. We're friends. Perfect. Then why wouldn't Mike go along? Because Mike's busy. What is Mike busy with? That guy doesn't. He's got three kids. He's got a wife. He's got 15 people living in his house. Guy's got a ton of stuff to do. There's no way, buddy. You're abusing the trust if you're going three times in one week. I think, and to caveat to this, my wife would never do that, nor would she care, I don't think. You would never go to lunch three times or dinner.

2:00:15No, you wouldn't. And I just think if push came to shove, you would be like, it's not worth the argument because these lunches aren't even that necessary. But if someone is messing around and these lunches are starting to mean something to them, then they might be willing to put up the fight of, I deserve three lunches a week. You know what? I deserve five. Yeah, I mean, if I flip the switch. Flip the coin? If I flip the switch a little bit and flip the coin and flip it on her, I'd probably be upset. If it's an attractive dude. Yeah, I'd probably be upset. create good team chemistry and a fight comes over you instead of just being like yeah you're right okay if it bothers you i won't do three but if a fight erupts of being like why can't i do three times there's something about her the person fighting for that relationship for that lunch yeah and you know if jamie came to me and said i'm gonna have lunch with craig again you know today which craig always have to craig craig and i are gonna go have lunch i'd be like Maybe I give Craig the belt. Yeah, and if she laughs it off and is like, okay, if you don't want me to go that much, I won't. I get it, I get it. Then she goes behind your back. Yeah, it's the fight for it. I'll tell you. I'm not going to say a person's name, but Rebecca mentioned a friend that she has had forever. Okay? When we were dating, we went to dinner at, I can't remember this place, over by Seau's. It's like an Applebee's or a...

2:01:41or one of those types of places. Outback? It's one of those types of places. Anyway, me, Rebecca, and this guy, we went out to dinner because she wanted me to meet him. He was a longtime friend. We sat down. I knew instantly that this guy liked her. Wanted a taste again. Not again. They were longtime friends. They were longtime friends. He was stuck in the friend zone. You know he wanted a taste. He was stuck in the friend zone. Yep. And I could tell. And recently, this guy, you know, cause they've been friends and recently this guy is having some, you know, marital issues or whatever. And, you know, he's kind of like asking, cause they've always been friends and he's asking for a little support and whatever. And I'm, you know, cool. And it had come up a couple of times. And I said, after I heard it a couple of times, I go, Oh, Hey, maybe that guy, you know, keeps a little distance. And she, dude, she, she was like, okay.

2:02:43Yeah. Yeah. You know? And because, hey, women can smell it, men can smell it. We know. Okay, we know. And she respected how you felt about it. Absolutely. Okay, Teresa, we're going to break. I know, I know, I know, I know. We're breaking right now. Teresa, are you there? Yeah, yeah. Okay, can you hold through the break? Yeah. Okay, we're going to talk to Teresa because Teresa says it's okay to be friends from past relationships, correct? Yeah. Okay, hang on the line for me, okay? All right. And then we'll talk about it right after this. One of those pictures she just got taken. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I want to see that. Yeah, funny. Her photographer told her, Lauren, we're talking about Lauren. Yeah. O'Brien, cast member of the Mikey show. The photographer said, all right, L.O.B., do Woods. Do Woods' face. So she did the really pal face. Do Mikey. Serious, dead ahead. Yeah. Do Sienna, the bubbly, cheery. With a really big smile. That's awesome. Yeah. And he said, do Jay, and she just pulled her pants down. That was that. Wow. I have my pants down right now. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. He literally could have his pants off. We should play that game. Is Jay's pants down? Oh, boy. You think that'd be fun for Mike? Tonight's 8 o'clock album, the Jayhawks.

2:05:09Hollywood Town Hall. Somebody emailed me and said that it would be funny if Garrett, our program director, who has a very deep, deep voice, made an appearance on The Incorporator. I didn't get it. What do you mean? If I did Garrett. Oh, I get it. Good morning. Hey, morning. Good morning. How you doing, sweet cheeks? Funny. I thought they meant Garrett really tried. Yeah, that's what I thought. No, they wanted me to be Garrett on The Incorporator. I think it could be funny. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's funny. I do too. I think it's hysterical. All in. All right. So we got an email from a dude that said that he's dating this girl. And she recently started talking to this guy that she had hooked up with. And he told her that he didn't think it was a good idea that they hang out. She said okay, but she wanted him to tell her why. And he couldn't really articulate why. kind of wonders like, so am I like a tool here? Am I an insecure guy? Blah, blah, blah. And we're all basically saying, no, you're not. But M1 Teresa is on the line right now. Teresa, thank you for holding. So give me your take. Okay. I can understand why the guy would be feeling a little insecure. However, I don't feel, I don't think it's okay to.

2:06:36To bend to that, because if you're in a trusting, solid relationship, I really believe that it's about trust. And, I mean, I'm older. I have been married for, like, 15 years. But even in my 20s, I could not put up with any guy who would be, you know, feeling. I could understand where he's coming from, but I'd have to really express, hey, you've got to trust me. And that's what I'm looking for. And that's what's always worked in my relationships. I never said, okay, well, I won't go see my friend, even though we used to, you know, get together. We're just friends now. I won't go see him because you're feeling weird about it. I would never do that. And I think that's part of getting mature. And I think you want to fill that as you get older, not cave into it, because where's the growth? Yeah, well, I mean, my side of that is, is that I think that if you dated somebody and you used to hook up with that person, there is, well, first of all, let's get this on the table right away. There's a reason that you broke up. And I understand that didn't work out. So there's a reason that you broke up. And I do understand that. There's also a reason that you got together. And I don't think you can lose sight of that either. There's a reason that you got together. Some of that had to do with.

2:08:03a physical connection and some of it had to do with an emotional connection and and so if you are going back to that relationship not in a romantic way but in a friendly way there is a possibility that's all i'm saying i'm giving you the word possibility there's a possibility that while things are not going well with your boyfriend that that shoulder that you cry on maybe some feelings happen. And it happened before and there's every reason to believe that it could happen again. And I think that just to play it safe and to be respectful of the new person that you're with, you don't go there so that you don't risk it.

2:08:53Now, are you saying that specifically in new relationships or even, because in past shows, I've heard similar discussions where even in long-term committed relationships, that you pretty much feel the same way. Is that right? Absolutely. Mike just said a case that happened to him. Fairly recently, I guess. Right. I mean, and that's that's the deal is is I think, you know, but it's hard because you're you know, you say, well, we're married and nothing is going to tear us apart because we're married. So I do trust you to do that. But you obviously don't. Divorce rates are pretty high. Yeah. Not only that, but, you know, the truth is, is that I wanted to hold on to a relationship with a girl that I used to date named Marnie. Now, if my wife's listening right now, she just got the shivers. Because Rebecca had to basically chase Marnie away. Like, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. And the reason was because Marnie and I remained friends. And I gave Rebecca the same bit. You know, you got to be able to trust me and we're blah, blah, blah. Okay, now I'm going to reveal to you now.

2:10:11What was really happening in my head? Okay. What was really happening in my head was a couple of things. Number one, Marnie was a just-in-case. Yeah, for sure. She was a just-in-case. Okay, I see. The other thing about Marnie was that Marnie, I always felt, really liked me. And I liked her too, but she liked me, I think, a little bit more. And that felt good. Yeah. That felt great. Yeah. And when we talked, I could feel that. Yeah. Even if we weren't talking about it. Yep. We could still, I could still feel the energy. I could still feel it. And I liked it. And I am going to suggest that when we do want to be friends with somebody like that. that's part of the selfish reason that we want to be friends with somebody that we used to hook up with because we can feel that they may still... Yeah, and that's their intention. It's not to talk about veterinary school. Yeah. It's to remain in the back of somebody's mind. And he wants to get a look at you. He wants to...

2:11:16to give you the wink and go, remember that night on the beach in Mexico? And the truth is, Teresa, is that you may be right that your boyfriend, your husband doesn't have anything to worry about because you're probably not going to actually cheat on him with that guy. But the thing is, is that it's possible that the reason that you want to hang out with that guy is because you want to feel him liking you. You want to feel, you know he does. You want to feel it. You want to absorb it. You want to, and that's not cool. That's not cool. See, for me, and my husband has met probably three or four of my past boyfriends. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? Because, okay, the reason why, just because of, you know, social reasons, we've been hanging out in the same group of people, whatever. But my, what I feel. That's because you brought them into it. That's because the reason you're hanging out in that group is because you've introduced those guys. to the group. And so your husband would probably say, yeah, we hang out in that group because this group she brought, you know, like, what am I going to do? No, we don't hang. We don't hang. I'm just saying, like, there's been times we don't hang out with my exes, but there have been moments where, yeah, this group of people is going to be there. I used to date this guy or that guy, and I'll give him the heads up. And then there was one guy where we all, we were in the same group, and they got to be, they, my husband and my ex, got to be really good friends.

2:12:44And what the feeling I get when I'm hanging out with my ex, I remain friends with some of my exes. And the feeling that I get, it's not a sexual feeling, but we were friends. We had a connection just like with any other friend, you know. And so the feeling I get, it's like, oh, you know, it's not the sexual chemistry, but it's about being, having that friendship. that part of it could still be there. Yeah, it didn't work as a romantic relationship. Hey, Teresa, can I ask you this, though, Teresa? I see her points. Can I ask you something, Teresa? Some of it. If you used to have sex with this dude, if you used to have sex with this dude, did it ever enter your mind that your current husband, he may not want to look that guy in the eye? That's the whole point. We all know that we've had a past. I know, but we don't have to look at them. We don't have to look at it. Okay, well then that's just, I guess, a difference of opinion. I don't see anything wrong with it. I know you don't, but what I'm asking you to do is consider your husband. But it could be. Like, I think...

2:13:55You know, I've been over this in relationships before. I've been in some relationships where we're on the same page. Like, I could be talking to one of my exes the same way I'm talking to you. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would never go there. I would never go there. Then I've dated people where they're like, I don't see the problem. So it might just be that two people match up on that. Like, you know, and I think that she might be in a relationship with someone that doesn't care just as much as she doesn't care. Hey, listen, if that's the case, no harm, no foul. I mean, if your husband don't care. And more power to you, because I can't be like that. I've met his exes, and you know what I feel when I have met his exes? It makes me feel really, really good that I'm able to totally trust him, and they can even go out to dinner. And come home and tell me, hey. And make out. Yeah, I got a question. No, no, no, no, no. I have never been cheated on. I've always been totally honest. You're lucky. I am. I'm totally lucky. Teresa. I wish there were more people like that. Teresa. Teresa. Yeah. Are you a swinger? Are you way better looking than any of his exes? I had to ask. She's very calm.

2:15:08And she's very laissez-faire about the whole thing. We just make love. My husband and I would just make love. See, I've had an ex-girlfriend just cheat. Like, I'm just going to go meet with my ex. And you know how I feel about you. Oh, okay. Bam. I knew she was coming back to me too. Yeah, we all know they're coming back to us. Yeah, until they don't. We all know it's just lunch. Yeah, sometimes they're coming back to you after they would just... Hey, why is your shirt inside out? Sometimes they're coming back to you with chlamydia, okay? So be careful. It was a situation out of their control. I didn't know she was going to be there. It was just lunch. It was a group dinner. Cam ran off all my girlfriends. I was hoping to change somebody's mind. Awesome, Teresa. I wish I could be like that. I can't. Yeah. Great call, though. Thank you. Dynamite. Teresa, great call. I appreciate you. Thank you. Let's see. M1 Malone from La Costa. Yeah, yeah. I'm here. I'm here. What do you think? Oh, man. I think Teresa's a clown, man. Anyway.

2:16:10No. Nah, I don't want to beat up Teresa. I thought she was good. She's got to go. Yeah, I did too. I thought she had a right to her opinion. It works for her. Yeah, absolutely. And that's all that matters. Can't work for me. Sorry, guys. You got to take into consideration, though. There's also people out there that feed off the, oh, I have this stability at home. Uh-huh. People trust me at home. Absolutely. I can go do whatever I want. Absolutely. They're not going to take Tina and the wiser. Yeah. There's the people that are like, you may have dumped them, but they haven't dumped you. And even years later. They're like, oh, hey, you're having problems with your wife? We should have lunch. Yeah, yeah. Just friends. Just friends. Oh, yeah. I know a couple. Just want to muddy the water. They want, it's a just in case. And those kind of people, too, they want to commiserate. If they're going to be miserable and if they're going to be single and stuff, they actually want to spoil other people's relationships. Yeah, I agree with that, too. It's a good topic. Bad apples. Boys and girls. All right. Want to move on? We need a break. Oh, we do? Yeah. My goodness. Got to get some commercials in. Where's the time go? Time just flew away from us. All right, fine. Want to hear Liza Minnelli and Larry King on TV together last night? Talking about dating Abraham Lincoln. I never dated Abraham Lincoln, Dad. I just slap with him. What it was like to see electricity invented.

2:17:39Stuff like that. The Sphinx. Absolutely. What it was like to meet the Sphinx. Do it next. It's a Mikey show. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren. Sienna's our news girl, but she is out on maternity leave. Jay is our producer, and our phone screener is Krav! It's Krav! Krav! If you go to our Facebook page right now, you can see a picture of the mug that I brought in that has a... My photograph from 1993 when I was on the radio. It was my press shot. And I have hair and no facial hair. I was a senior in high school, by the way, pal. Oh, man. Just young, skinny. I was in middle school? Whole world in front of him. Let's see. My wife was 17. Nice. At the time. Good man, Mike. Old creep.

2:19:49Let's see here. So you can see that. You can also see pictures of us doing our quick draw contest. It wasn't much of a contest, mind you. It's facebook.com slash Mikey Show. You can also follow us on Twitter. Jay's like Wyatt Earp. Yeah. He used to shoot bees out of the... The wasp would be up in the eaves of the house. I could shoot him in half. He's like Mr. Miyagi catching flies with chopsticks. Yeah, he is. Follow us on Twitter. Mikey Show and then our name after it. Mikey Show. Mikey, which isn't spelled Mickey. You're so fine. It's M-I-K-E-Y Show. Mikey, Woods, Lauren, Sienna, and Jay. So you could follow us on Twitter. I love you, Sienna, but you are not the best tweeter. She doesn't remember her login information. Are you serious? It's been so long. Guys, shut up. I don't know. I don't know my login, idiot. I'm just going to write the word tweet anyway. I love you, though. Let's see. Hey, check out our graphic design guy, Jared. He is so good. He can work for you. Ask Jared. His website's creepy.

2:21:10Createyourdesignonline.com. He will do all kind of stuff for you. He'll do your billboard. I want my own billboard. It just says Woods on it. Oh my gosh. It just says Git on it. Git. Git. Git. Git. With a finger pointing at people. I wonder how much that would cost me. Git! Git! What? Jared could do it. Yeah. He could. Do your website. He'll do your business cards. CreateYourDesignOnline.com. What if I had business cards that just said get and then my number on it? Get on the back. I'll call you. I'll call you. Get. Don't call me. Get. I'll call you. It's brilliant. I had the most uncomfortable conversation with my brother yesterday. Oh, boy. Which brother? Oh, it was so uncomfortable. Steve. Mm-hmm. He shot the video of Jake's birthday. Mm-hmm. And we loved it. But we didn't care for the music. What was it? It's like sad. It's like, you know, it's like acoustic guitar, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it was sad. You can't do that. Dude. He did you solid. It's his artistic interpretation. It's his art. Yeah. Great. So every time we put in the video of Jakey's fourth birthday, we're like.

2:22:26Yes, that's what it's for. It's to evoke emotion. What we wanted was like kind of a happy vibe, you know? Like... Yes, like a circus. That's creepy. Do you have the music? Can we hear it? What I suggested? No, can we hear what it was? Do you have it? Yes. How did you put it to him? Did you put it delicately? Bread meet bread. This is what I did. I go... Did you say it or did you put it in an email? I said it. Okay, good for you. I was talking to him. I go, hey, dude, by the way, we loved Jake's video. We loved it. If we could change one thing, it would be the music because the music is kind of that slower acoustic. You want to hear it? Yeah. I want to see it. It's not that sad. Not the vibe. Not the vibe we wanted. It sounds like The Bachelor is about to give a rose. Dude, it's great memory music.

2:23:47I love it too, but it's not what, you know, it makes me want to cry, and I don't really, that's not what we're going for. In 10 years, you'd look back and you'd play this and you'd go, I don't want to cry. It's such a good time. I know, but I don't want, we don't want to cry. We don't want to cry. We want. Nobody wants to cry, Mike. See, this is proud uncle music. Yeah. I think so. It's proud uncle music. It's like, look at this, boys all grown up. Let me play you the song I suggested. I was just looking for songs. Here, I'll play you this one. You wanted him to put in there Freak on a Leash or something like that? Seek and Destroy Metallica. Yeah. Freak on a Leash. Exit life into a birthday life. That's terrible. Here's what I suggested. Never heard this song. I was searching for stuff. Mikey. It's a little kid, you know? Little kid birthday. We want it to be fun. Look, I love you. But I gotta go with Steve on this one. I got to, dude. I love you. You know that. Bread meet Brad Mikey. I love you. But I gotta go with Steve on this. But yes, I love you. Oh my gosh. Exactly. I like to cry like that, dude. I love it. Did Rebecca feel the same way? She's the one that said it. She probably cried, huh? So check it out. Watch, watch, watch. Woods, it's Rebecca. I'm going to slit your throat next. Check it out. So we watch it.

2:25:16And it finishes and she goes, what'd you think? And I go, the video's awesome. I go, but it makes me want to cry. She goes, me too. And I go, I want like, cause he did, he showed us this video that he had done for a little girl's party in front of his. I saw that. And it had party in the USA and it was like a fun vibe, you know? It was a great video. It was. And I could tell when I told him it wasn't. Oh, it's hurting my feelings because it was, he goes, yeah, you know that it's edited in a way to hit musical little areas. And so if I put new music, I have to re-edit the video so that it hits those little musical areas with the new song. Is it artist? I've got an idea. If you're open to it. What? Oh, gosh. He's grabbing his guitar. I don't know what he's going to do. Oh, I know. Babe, put that. Video up. I don't want to watch that video anymore. Video scares me. What do you think? You sold? What did Rebecca think of your Kids of the Future song? She hasn't heard it. I love it. Jane, you know that this has been a long journey. And I met a lot of girls along the way. Yeah, a lot of girls. But, you know, for me, there was one girl in particular.

2:27:03And it's hard for me to break this to you, but there was one girl in particular that I fell in love with. No, it is you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Or at least the next six weeks until we get on People Magazine. Shut up, boys. That's my best man. He's a clown. Yes, shut up. Will you marry me? Of course. It's Bachelor music. I love it. I love it. I tell you, you're going to look back and you're going to go, gosh, you know, Jake is as tall as me. I know he's only seven. Six. Oh, boy. I love it. I mean, I love the video, but it's just the music was so sad. Maybe you just keep it to yourself. What?

2:28:04Maybe you push mute on the video and then you watch it with the song of your choice. That's right. Maybe you just keep it to yourself. Some things maybe you just keep to yourself. But then we won't want to watch it and that's not fair, man. That's not good, right? Maybe mute it. Maybe mute it. And put Metallica on. Mute it and then play the song of your choice. But isn't that really bizarre to do? To put a thing on mute? Yeah, but it's also bizarre to... Tell someone you don't like their artistic creation. Yeah, was that Steve's gift to you? Was that Steve's gift or did you pay him? No, we didn't pay him, but we flew him out to do it. So he got a trip out here, you know. Okay, great. It's Jake's fourth birthday. This is, oh, now, babe. Remember that day? She's like, no, I think we should play the actual, yeah, just play. I know, babe, but together they're weird, babe. They're kind of strange when we play them together, don't you? It's a weird mashup, babe. This is just strange. I like it. I get it. I like it, too. It sounds like somebody's tuning their guitar in the middle of Metallica's set. Yeah. Babe, this is weird. It's scaring the kids. It's scaring everyone. Babe, my dad is crying. I don't know. Tell him not to worry about the music syncing up. Tell him to just dub over a new song. Just put your kids in America in there. Kids of the future. Oh, sorry.

2:29:41Jonas Brothers. He goes, this is what he says to me. About Jack Johnson. He goes, that's cool. Upside down. That's a great idea. Nice compromise. Here's what he said to me. He goes, just like this. This is how he said it. He goes, yeah, man, it's cool. It's fine. Like a Justin Bieber song or something. I guess just shoot it over to me. That was a dig. That's a total dig. And I was like, all right. Send him over upside down. Jack Johnson. I think that's a great idea. It's still acoustic. It's just a little more upbeat. I've never heard it, but I bet you I know what it sounds like. It's on that Curious George soundtrack. I bet you I know what it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. What? Like this. Oh, boy. I bet you anything it sounds like this. That's perfect. Makes you feel all happy. Maybe you just have Wood to do the soundtrack. That sounds perfect to me. I bet you anything.

2:30:48Hey, look at that. Oh, my God. I've never heard that song in my life. I promise you. I swear I've never heard it. It sounds just like it. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Maybe expand your musical horizons, Jack. Hey, if it works for him. Maybe expand it. That would work for me. Best guitar riffs of the decade. You ready? Muse. Muse on there twice. Wow, really? Let's hear it. Are the Queens on there? The Queens of Leon? Yeah. No. Is Queen on there? Decade. Is Donovan Frankenfurter on there? L-O-B? Frankenfurter. Oh, Decade. My bad. Decade. Let's see. Muse. This is one of the best guitar riffs of the decade. And this is Muse? Yep, Muse. Who? Muse. From Total Guitar.

2:31:56Okay. They did a poll. Their readers got to vote. Okay. What else? That didn't do it for me. This one by Muse. Knights of Sedona. That's a cool guitar he plays. Have you seen it? It's got the scratch pad on the back of it. He's like scratching as he's playing. Scratch pad? It's got a squared pad on the back, so it's like a wah-wah, but it's more of a scratch pad. It's a very cool guitar. It's got super tech. So it sounds like a DJ scratching a record? Kind of. That's where he's getting that... You'll be all right with this one, Woodsy. Velvet Revolver Slither. One of the best. That's mean, dude. It's a great video, too. See, that's too mean for me. It is L-O-B? That's mean, dude. I really love that one. Is it like the music shouting at you? It's just, what are you supposed to do other than, like, do an air guitar, put your hands up like this? You're supposed to silently not move. You don't move.

2:33:13You could do air guitar if you want. You don't have to. But you could also silently not move and in your head visualize how badass they look when they're playing it. Hit it again. Yeah, they look mean. He's doing what does so his hands up when he's like... Slash, dude. Slash will get you. He's phenomenal. What you do is you picture Scott Weiland with big mirrored glasses and a chopper hat on. Yeah. No shirt, a purple feather boa, leather pants, no shoes. Brilliant. That's what you picture. Love him. Here's another one. Avenged Sevenfold, Afterlife. Oh, boy. Too clean for me. To me, it sounds like, you know, like old. It sounds like Maiden to me. I think I played that on Guitar Hero. Not my thing. Dream. And then finally, Dream Theater. Wow. Dream Theater? The Dark Eternal Night. Check this out. It's kind of fun.

2:34:38It is. That's what I thought, too. We should do a riff contest on the electric guitar that we have in here now. It reminds me of... Cool. It reminds me of old friend Ricker, who used to be on the air in Seattle. Seattle! Seattle! He's in Portland now. He's in Portland? Portland. Blah! Yo. He used to talk like that. He did? Yeah. Yo. It's Ricker. What's up, my dog? Yeah. That's all right. No white stripes or anything like that? That's interesting. All that was a little bit too hard. Other bands that didn't get as many votes but got a lot of votes were Queens of the Stone Age, The Killers, White Stripes, and AFI. That's cool. I like guitar riffs a lot. I do too.

2:35:49I like acoustic music. So weird. And piano. I still haven't played Liza and Larry King, so I can do that. We can take a quick time out, come back and do that. Speaking of guitar riffs, how about that one? When they shot the video, he had to move really fast so that when they slowed it down into slow motion, it looked like he was moving in normal motion. Probably my favorite police song. It's a pretty cool song. Him and those candles. You don't remember the video? I don't remember. It's a great video. You smoked a lot of hashish when I was eight. I don't get it. I don't either. I was eight when it came out. I just laughed nervously. I don't remember. Oh, meaning that you don't remember the video. Yeah, because I used to smoke a lot of hashish when I was eight. Got it. Got it. I did not. Got it. Didn't. He was being sarcastic. My mom just wrecked her car.

2:37:21My mom and dad are coming for Thanksgiving, by the way. Nice. I just thought I'd let you guys know that. They booked their flights. Coming real sweetly. That's cool. Yeah. I thought you were going to have Thanksgiving with us. No. With my family that I never get to see. I see you every day. I love you, though. Oh, boy. Passive-aggressive. Mine is passive. Want to hear Liza Minnelli with Larry King? Please. This was last night. And Liza and Larry. We're discussing some of the groups that Liza likes. What do you listen to? What new performers? I listen to Al Cash. I listen to Chris Cross. I listen to Dave Matthews. You're telling me you listen to the Dave Matthews? Just Dave Matthews, not the whole band. You listen to him? Everybody does, man. Who doesn't listen to Dave? I don't listen to him. I listen to him in my sleep.

2:38:22He comes over, whispers sweet nothings. Why are you wearing a nightgown? Because I just came here, darling. I just came out of bed. You woke up out of bed, just came down to the studio? I came down to see you, darling. You have rollers in your hair. I came here with Dave. He's got his robe on. That's right. I thought you were talking about me and my nightgown, Larry. You're not wearing a nightgown, hippie. He's got his robe on. He calls it his nightgown. He's hilarious. Look at this. Oh, don't show me that. Oh, it's wonderful. Reminds me of the time I hooked up with a guy at Woodstock. Let me ask you a question, Liza. Anything. Were you and I married? Oh, boy. I can't remember. I can't remember either, darling. There's something very vaguely familiar about your voice. I'll tell you one thing now. What? I won't marry you now. Why? Because I won't look at you. You're a fossil. You won't look at me or... You won't. Both. You won't, comma, look at me. You won't look at me. Or you won't, comma, look at you. Both. You can take anyone you want and mix it up. Are you drunk? Of course. You understand. Well, Maroon 5 has to do the shit again. She's into Maroon 5. Yeah. Hence, my theory is correct that Maroon 5 sucks.

2:39:57Wow, there it goes. You love that group? Yes. What do you think of Lady Gaga? I love her. I've never heard of her in my life. She's the one that copies me with a feather bow and everything? Oh, yeah. I don't think she's copying you, sweetheart. She is also imitated as a drag queen, like me. You're not imitating. She's imitated as a drag queen, honey. Clean out your ear. Larry, clean out your ears. You're so old. You're calling me old. You're a dinosaur. You used to date George Washington. That's good. She's wonderful. What does she have? Why is she so special? Bazzazz. Bazzazz. You can't teach that, right? Together, they are 360. She's got moxie, baby. You can't buy that, Larry. No, you can't. You gotta do it or you don't. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to have the instinct and you also have to have the... Her teeth fall off. Oops, oops. Oh, sorry about that. Sorry, sorry. Hang on. You also have to have hip replacements and knee replacements and oxygen tanks and wigs and facelifts and...

2:41:19I had to have laser eye surgery, and I had to have my ears showed back on, but it's still going. Do something that's not quite like everybody else does. Why are you nude? Put some clothes on. So her clothes alone make me love her. Is she a good singer? Yes, I think she is. A very good singer. Excuse me. What about Tommy Dorsey? Do you like him? What do you think about Muse and White Apple Tree? I'll tell you what, darling. My new favorite up-and-coming diva, Justin Bieber. She's gorgeous. That ain't a broad. That's not a broad. You just can't see, Larry. You're so old. I'm 92% sure Justin Bieber is a man. The 8% is left for, oh, imagination. Yeah, I'm not sure the 8%.

2:42:21But last time I looked, I think that's a man, baby. If that's a man, then so am I. I thought you were a man. Oh, Larry, stop it. This is Larry asking Liza if she'd ever get married again. You've had four marriages. Yes. Peter Allen, who I loved. Yes. Jack Haley Jr., Mark. I loved him. I love Peter Allen. I loved him so much. I made love to him. He had beautiful hair. His other mother. His other mother. I loved Peter Allen so much. Marilyn, David Guest. Would you marry again? I don't remember. Has there ever been a human as creepy looking as David Guest ever in the history of humans? Are you nuts? Yeah, I am. That's true. No, I would not. No. Think she's ever had a Manhattan? Whole pack of Virginia Slims. Think she's ever ordered a gin and time? Let me get a Bombay Sapphire idea. Straight up. Just give me the whole bottle. Yeah, just put the bottle in. You're wasting your time. Pour the bottle in this vat I carry with me. Oh, she's terrible, man.

2:43:38Hello, is this room service? Yes. I'd like to order a couple of things. Yes, go ahead. Some ice. Okay. A bicycle. Okay. Two Mexicans. Okay. A Bombay Sapphire. Like a glass? No, the whole bottle. The whole bottle. A ballpoint pen. Okay. A pint of Old Harper. Okay. Did you get the two Mexicans? I did. What are they for? That's none of your beeswax. Just put two Mexicans. Put them on the cart. And then a Denver omelet. Okay, we'll send it right up, Ms. Minnelli. Oh, dear, are you still there? Yes. Did you get the two Mexicans? I got the two Mexicans. They are on the way. Wonderful. Pepe and Mike. No, I don't want to know their names. I don't want to know their names. I don't want to know their names. Pepe and Miguel. I can't put a face to them. One is short. Don't. Bald. No. Goatee. No, thank you. He's got a sleeve. Can I also get a side of hash browns? Yes, you did. I just want to be sure that you got the two Mexicans. I did. They're on their way. Oh, dear old Aunt Liza. She's given us some gold lately. Yeah. Why is she famous again? Who, Liza? She was in Sex and the City, too. I know that. She just put out an album. Oh, that's right. Must miss.

2:45:02I saw on the news this morning that it made news that Martha Stewart went on the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday and talked about how she was kind of upset with Oprah because although Oprah wrote her letters while Martha was in jail, she didn't visit her. Did you feel in that time that you would let yourself down or let other people down? No. No. No, because I hadn't. Because you hadn't. Oh, boy. So what would you wake up thinking every morning, Martha? I would wake up thinking I have my job to do. I can read all the newspapers I want. I can read books. I read a lot over it. I thought a lot. I thought she did something wrong. Who? Martha Stewart? Yeah. She did. Insider trading? Yeah. Insider trading. White collar prison. Yeah. Insider trading. Like she knew stuff and she dumped a bunch of stock because she got insider information about it. She's saying she didn't let anyone down. Same thing I would have done. What? Okay. I use the time extremely well. And I had visitors all the time. Very good visitors. So you did not have bad visitors. Right. Just one. Rose O'Donnell came to visit me and a whole lot of wonderful people came and visited me. I know you were too busy. If Oprah had come, if Oprah had shown up, my goodness, that would, I mean, I think they would have had a prison breakout. No. Yes, they would have. I highly doubt it. I think Oprah thought that was funny. Do you think that if I gave you a tip on some stock that you would dump your stuff? No. Really? Heck no. Really? Dude, if I... You would at L.O.B.? Woods. Only if I...

2:46:33was stupid and didn't know that that was illegal. If I didn't know that was illegal, I'd be like, oh my gosh, thank you. Yeah, me too. But if I knew that was illegal, holy cow no. You guys both know it's illegal. Yeah, no freaking way. Really? No, dude. Would you? You want to go to prison? She would. She would. Jay? Go to prison. You guys are lying. You're all lying. You're all lying. Wouldn't you be afraid of going to prison, Woods? I would be. I would be afraid. No? Dude, let's say I had $500,000 worth of stock. Okay? It was my retirement. And somebody came to me and said, hey, Woods, dude, they're not going to get a favorable ruling on this. You may want to get rid of that now. Done. Just so you know. Done. Let me continue that guy's sentence for you. But just so you know, if you dump it. since this is going down tomorrow, if you dump it, it's probably going to get flagged. You're probably going to get a call from federal investigators. So why'd you tell me? Because, dude, you're my bro. Okay. I want you to know. Consider it dumped.

2:47:34I'm not losing $500,000 and my retirement. Okay, but I just want you to know there's a chance. I worked hard for it. There's a chance federal investigators will follow up. You probably don't get to keep the money. Chance there won't. And you're going to spend some time in jail. Chance there won't. Oh, in a heartbeat. Skeaved. In a heartbeat. Do you think anyone can ever be named Oprah again? Never. Do you think that I'm the only honest one on this show? Dude, I would be scared. No way. Yeah, I'm too scared. I'm not scared. Plus, it's illegal, man. It's illegal. It's illegal, dude. You can't. And you know what my reaction to it would be? I would be really upset at that person. For telling you? Yeah, I'd be like, if it was you telling me, I'd go, dude, why would you tell me that? Because I wanted you to save your retirement, pal. I can't. I'm worried about your children and your wife and your house. I'm not allowed. You probably wouldn't. get like the real fancy prison and you wouldn't get out early either. You'd get the bad prison. Yeah, she got the white collar. With your record. Yeah, with your record. It's got a bunch of misdemeanors. You're not going to get your own self. I'll take my chances on that. You're not going to get the Lindsay Lohan treatment. I'll take my chances. Rosie O'Donnell is not visiting you. Yeah, I would. Thank God for that. You won't be able to call Oprah out on her show. Yeah, I'm saying. What? I think you guys are all full of it.

2:48:55What? I do. Do we have to do our thing now? Yeah, do our thing. Whatever, man. Whatever. Oh, boy. We'll discuss this off the air, guaranteed. Guaranteed. Yeah, because Woods really thinks that me and Lauren and Jay- You guys are lying. That we would use insider trading information. Thousand percent. L.O.B., was your girlfriend? You think you can get her to a Chevelle concert? Oh, my gosh. She'd be like, babe, why don't you just go out with the boys that night? Come on, honey. Just come with me. Please, come with me. I'm good. I'm good. She'd be sitting there in her seat. Everybody's standing up. She's in her seat. You know, she's like, how many more songs do you think they'll play? Probably like 15. They've been playing 22 songs at night. Downing cocktails during the hippie dance. And then I would be like...

2:50:32Hey, are you ready to go? Because I don't want people to see me with you if you're doing the white person's hippie dance at a Chevelle show. And I would have won. I'm not feeling very good. I feel kind of like crap. I feel queasy. Let's just go home. I'll be rocking out with, I'll be throwing down air guitar, air drums in a couple weeks with that Deftones, Alice in Chains show. That's right. Oh boy. Mastodon. I've never heard one song. Me neither. Tonight. Idiot. 8 o'clock album. Jayhawks. Hollywood Town Hall. You have to turn in time cards. We just turned in our time cards. I don't understand it. It's 2010. I know. We're going to get killed though, dude. We're already alienated over here. We don't want to make a mess. I know it. I think that our time cards could at least be like digital. Digital. They're printed out and signed. You think Paul Revere is going to come to the door? Is that the paperboy? Your time cards are now doomed. It's his eye.

2:51:41Hurry up. It's 11.59. He's about to go on his midnight ride. You guys. Your time cards are due at City Hall. Paul's going to leave. Great. Jay, we missed Paul. Dang it. Paul Revere? Paul Revere. Clip, clop. Clip, clop. The Pony Express to bring it over. Time cards? Time cards, peasants. Time cards. We're dead. Oh, yeah. I love you, Lincoln Financial. It is a little archaic. It's like the Roadrunner and the Coyote, like the punching bit. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. You know, Mike, you don't have to fill it out. Yeah. You don't get paid. You know that street out there? It's just waiting for you. Yeah, maybe kick some rocks. You got a better idea? You know, in Seattle we did time cards. It worked well. Three words for you. Maybe beat it. So I want to hear this. Obama was given a speech and the presidential seal fell off of the podium. Poor guy. I know. I know. I swear he can't catch a break. Here we go. We cannot sustain. Mr. President.

2:53:14Mr. President, pick up the seal. We can. Let me get that. No, no, no. Pick up the speech. Pick up the speech where you left off. Okay. Well, that looks like the presidential seal fell off there. Don't draw attention to it. But anyway, what I was saying here at this meeting for the House Committee. No, you were talking about health care. Is that health care is something that the House Committee needs to look into as well. You need to get some glue. Get some glue. Glue that thing back up there. We are committed to getting this seal back on with glue. No, not you, numbnuts. The numbnuts. The lackey that's there. The lackey. Tell the lackey to glue it back on. Is what this country has thought of itself. Did you guys call for lackey? Use your head. Can you glue that back on there? Tell me to glue it on now. Yeah, glue it on now in the middle, but don't draw attention to yourself. Try to get it on there and don't draw attention to yourself. Make sure that we... Do not draw attention to itself. What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? We as a nation, Mr. President. I'm sorry. I did not get a lot of sleep last night. Focus. Too much. Focus too much.

2:54:33Too much narcotics. No, I was saying that to her, not you. Oh, goodness. You know what? I have been doing too many pills, and I will talk to you tomorrow. Over and out. Over and out. Poor guy. He's trying to give a speech. Do you think he dropped the hammer on somebody afterwards? I don't think so, because it can be no one's fault. Can't it? It's a... malfunction of the thing. I don't think there's a person in charge of securing the seal. I guarantee you. He was like, hey, maybe we make sure this sticks next time, please, so I don't look like an idiot. You would never do that, would you? Me? Yeah. Yes! I would say, if I were your senior advisor, I'd go, okay, Mr. President, should I... put together a special committee in charge of seals? No, just make sure it's done. Should I get you a crystal ball? No, yeah. Would you like me to hire Dionne Warwick and put her in the cabinet so she can look into her psychic friend future? Just make sure it's done. Let me ask you this, Mikey. Yeah. Do you like things a certain way? Yes. Okay. How do you predict if the seal's going to fall off? There you go. That's all I'm saying. That's all right. Somebody's head will roll. All of you know who I am. Good cover up.

2:55:50He should have picked it up and flinged it in the audience like a frisbee. I wonder how it's held there. Glue or nail? I wonder. Epoxy? Maybe they nail it there. Probably magic. It's held by magic. It may be held by magic. Maybe a witch did it. Christine O'Donnell. Got another one that's pretty interesting for you. Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rena. Now, that's the girl with the big lips. Huge lips. She's getting them reduced. Really? She looks plastic. They say that the recovery time on a reduction of your lips is six months. Oh, my gosh. They get thinner and thinner as you get older. Why doesn't you just leave them alone? That guy's bumming. Oh, boy. Because he can't kiss her. Yeah, that's what I meant. To kiss her pretty face. Boy, Mikey. Oh, gosh. Now he's going to have to kiss her on the cheek. Oh, no, I'm a creep. They were on the Today Show.

2:56:51And while they were on the Today Show, they got a phone call that their boutique in Los Angeles was being robbed. Wow. But as I listened to it. Maybe they tweeted. Hey, going on Today Show. Yeah. Sweet. No one will be at the boutique. Yeah. But something smells as much. Decide for yourself. Girls, I just have to tell you that I have to keep my cell phone on because you just mentioned our clothing store. It is being robbed as we speak. What? The one in the valley? The one in the valley? Oh, God, you guys are ringing. I'm getting the call right now, which is going to tell me what's going on. Answer it. Answer it. And ADT is a useless, absolutely useless. Stop mentioning it. No, no, no. But listen, let's talk about our show while he's talking about that. Oh, Lord. Let's talk about Harry Lutz Lisa tomorrow on TV Land. Is it the first one? Yes. Okay. The story is being robbed. It is seriously being robbed? This is our show right here. It's 7.15 in L.A. It's 7.15 in L.A. Someone's robbing Belgrade. Wait, what'd they take? Are you kidding? They've had that there for quite a while. Seven years. They took piles from the first two racks, yes. Oh! And by the way, you know, our alarm company was supposed to take care of this and did nothing. And they wouldn't send a car.

2:58:04Did nothing. Oh, that is so not all right. Okay, so we'll deal with this. Again, this is our life, and this is what our show's about. Real life, baby. Okay, so anyway, I will call you back because we're on live TV right now. Was anyone hurt? Was anybody hurt? It must have been closed, right? The store was closed. No one's hurt. The police are coming right now. So thank you very much for calling you back. Sorry, girls, I had to do that because our store was being locked. You think it's a bit? But this is what you can see when you watch our new show, Lisa and Harry. These are the types of things that happen. We're just a couple of wacky people that wacky stuff happens to. And we have our phone on while... I bought it. You do? Yeah, but... If he knew it... Okay, he knew it was being robbed before the commercial break, right? That's why he said, hold on, I have to keep my phone on. Yeah. So... Why not be like, hey, Lisa, you finish this segment. You do the interview. I'm going to get on the phone. I'm going to go find out what's up. Because he's Harry Hamlin and he doesn't get much screen time anymore. Okay, I buy that. Here, I stay on. Lisa, you deal with the alarm company. Because she's Lisa Renna and she doesn't get much screen time. Okay, I can believe that. Wouldn't this be too easy to discredit? I mean, you guys, they're on a live TV show. Wouldn't the L.A. cops be like, their freaking store didn't get robbed? And then who's watching their show? What if it got...

2:59:16finger quotes, robbed by their friend Bill. You know? Or the producer of Renna and Reesey or whatever it's called. I don't know. Or maybe it did get robbed earlier that morning and he was like, hold on, I have to take this call. Maybe we're all cynical because of all the hoaxes that have been going down lately. The only thing that... The only thing that seems strange to me was like... When she goes, these are the type of things that happen on our show. Oh, that was her that said that? I think she was trying to, you know, like... Make light of it? Yeah, not make light of it, but like... What is that word? Someone without comedic ability making a joke. I got it. She was trying to add levity. She was trying to add levity to the situation and she was like, oh, you know, and just trying to like extinguish. Yeah, the uncomfortable, like what you do when we're at restaurants together, like when I'm trying to embarrass you and you're just like, oh boy, oh boy. Yeah, uncomfortableness. And this is the kind of guy I work with. Right. Could be. Does bits in the restaurant. Yeah, bathrooms, elevators. Could be. Woods has taken up passing gas. Have I? In front of us, yeah. Quit it.

3:00:32The studio. We're all pals. On the beanbag chair. That was Lauren. That wasn't me. That was your liar. That was you. Her seat vibrated. Nope. It was you. It wasn't me. I hope that that doesn't... It's going to. Now that I know that you don't like it, it's just going to make me want to do it more. It's the worst. I hope it doesn't become a bit. He said, hey, I thought I lived here too, pal. Yeah, I thought this was my home too. That's right. Apparently not. Maybe you use the restroom in your home. Yeah, I'm going to run to the restroom and fart. All the way to the restroom. Sure. No. You've been doing it for nine months. No, I've been holding it for nine months. There you go. I'm not going to hold it anymore. Oh, God. We're all friends and family here. Okay? Great. My friends and family do not pass gas in front of me. Mine do. They do not. Sure they do. My boys are over. They'll drop some heat. They don't need to. They can. I have a doctor the drop seat right in front of me. Jay and I do around. It says it's unhealthy. We do around each other. Yeah, you don't want to hold it in. It's bad for you. Maybe that's your special Jay bit. Yeah. No more special Jay bits. Save it for that room. I like to make Lauren pull her shirt up over her face. And I like to make Mikey go, dude, no. I'm not even going to fight it. I do say it just like that. And I do cover my mouth. Dude, no. I do. I go, dude. You do.

3:01:56No, you too. I feel like I'm eight years old again and my brother's teasing me. I could let one go right now. No. I don't need it and I don't want it and it's all right. I'll wait for the meeting. Great in. Hurt sadness here. Yes. The lovely and talented Hillary is not here today. It's a lovely and talented Hanson. Yes. That's right. Lovely and handsome Hanson. That's right. So, Hanson, Hanson, Hanson, Hanson, Hanson, Hanson, is up next. And the Mikey Show will be back tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. Mikey Show's out. Hey, Woodsy, Woodsy's got breaking news. What is it? Yeah, Randy Moss is officially a Minnesota Viking. New England gives up a third-round pick for Randy Moss. It'll be Favre to Moss this weekend. There you go.