The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/11/10

1:07You out of breath? Nah, nah, nah. That's close. Welcome to the show. I would have been out of breath. You think I ran? Yeah. Who are you talking to, pal? Fair enough. Please. Alright, welcome to the show. It's a Mikey show, Monday morning. And we are ready to go. You can call us if you want to. 570-1949. That's our number. And we'd love to hear from you. If you want to call us and say hi. Plenty to talk about today. Oh, yeah. Plenty. Oh, my gosh. I am looking at just news and just stuff that we have that we're going to be doing. It's incredible what we have lined up today. Plus, in just a minute, I'm going to be telling you about the exact day Sienna is going to return. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show.

2:07And I need new clothes. So do I. Yeah. I need new clothes. Me too. Like winter clothes? Clothes, dude. You know, I was looking in my closet and like my nice button down shirts all have that faded look where they used to be black. Now they're like charcoal. Like gray. I'm going to purge. I like to purge every like spring and fall. Yeah. And I know that it's time when my wife says, you need some new clothes. It's time. I think I need to clean mine out too, my closet. Yeah. Woodsy's our sports guy, and he is 35 years old. I am. L.O.B. is our assistant producer, and she's also a comedian. She's got blue eyes, blonde hair, and she's 29 years old, but she looks younger. She does. Easy for you to say. It is. It is easy for me to say. I don't know if that really works. When in Rome. When in Rome. When in Rome, Mike. Mike, a bird in the hand. Okay. You can lead a horse to water. That's right. That's right. Just mind your P's and Q's, okay? Jay Bird is 47. He's our producer. He don't look 47. No, he doesn't. I feel it today. You do? Oh, my gosh. How's your back? It's better. My back's better, but then some neighbor decided to stay on the floors all night last night. So I'm hearing 1130 at night.

3:33I got up out of my bed when I almost went outside and I was going to strangle somebody if I could find them. Oh, my gosh. I would have lost my mind. You would have. Straight up. I'm Steve Woods right now. And our phone screener today is Will. 12. 570-1949. Word of the day today is slimy. Ooh. Yeah. So between now, thank you. Between now and 10, I'll use the word slimy in a sentence, and you just call us. And the ninth caller will get. SeaWorld passes. Is that what it was? Is it the ninth caller? Yep. It is? Yeah. I never knew that. Yes, sir. It's SeaWorld. Look at me. And they're valued at $236. There you go. Maybe I pay attention. Yeah, yeah. And don't forget, at 7.30 this morning, at 7.30 this morning, we are going to play, and I'm going to re-explain for those of you that didn't hear it, on Friday.

4:33L.O.B. reveals on the air. She's already blushing. She revealed on the air that one time she recorded the song Santa Baby for a boyfriend. And she told us that she had roommates at the time that she did it and that she had to do it in the bathroom on her computer on GarageBand. And she did it in one take because she didn't know when her roommates were going to come home. Yep. And she didn't want them. She didn't want them to hear her doing it. And so she had to go into the bathroom and do it under the cover of bathroom walls. And she recorded it through her headphones. Yeah, through headphones. I use a headphone as a microphone. Holy cow. Can you believe that? Look how uncomfortable she looks. Oh, yeah. She is squirming in her chair already. Well, we were like.

5:33L.O.B., please, you know, sing this for us. And she goes, no, no, you know, she wouldn't do it. I said I would faint. She would faint. And so, why is this not playing? Are you plugged in? You all plugged in, pal? Sweetly. You probably have to reset it. All the equipment got turned off over the weekend. So, have you gone into your sound card? Really? Yeah, go into your sound card again. Something happened? No, they, SDG&E. Cut the power to the building at 11 o'clock on Friday night. I'm all plugged in, man. I'm going to come check you out. All right. Everything's turned on. Everything's turned on. Oh, my gosh. This is SDG&E's fault? Yeah, that would have made for a long day. What? With that, we would play a lot of audio from your computer. Oh, boy. Just holding the mic up next to it real good. You know, this whole thing is because it's 2010. 20 years from now.

6:44It's not going to be like this. It just makes me crazy. Here you go. Here you go, Jay. I give it a try. All right. Nope. No, it can't be in that one. It has to be in this one. Now try. Now try your magic. Anyway, so L.O.B. had this recording of her singing to her boyfriend, which she says is the most humiliating thing. Oh, I had never even told anyone that I did that. Up until Friday when I decided to tell San Diego on the air. Yeah, diarrhea, mouth real good. I know. The only people that knew about it were her and the boyfriend that she had given it to. The boyfriend that I sent it to, yeah. Oh, boy. Bye, Mikey. Christmas is coming early. So anyway, we're going to play. She had the file on her computer. Yeah, yeah. On my iTunes. MP3. It's huge. She burned it onto.

7:54a CD and did not listen to it. I love that, that she didn't listen to it. If I listened to it, I wouldn't have brought it in today. That's what I was afraid of. I'm afraid of her right now. She's kind of scaring me. Why? She looks like she's going to kill somebody. I don't feel that way. Are you going to kill somebody else? She's nervous. I'd be nervous. I'm nervous. You going to hide under the board? Oh, yeah. Yes. This is going to be a moment. It is a moment. There it is. Look at you. Jeremy. You're the best. So now we all know how this song is like. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Only we're going to hear L.O.B. She said she does it real sexy and sultry. I tried to be really sultry. And off-key. I can't sing. But he's a musician. And so I was trying to do something sweet. I can't wait. The whole song. I think I chopped it down. This weekend? No. I don't remember. You promised me you didn't edit it. I promise you I did not edit it. I didn't even listen to it. Oh my gosh. I couldn't. There's no way I would have been able to have been like, oh, sounds good. I can't wait. I can't wait. I know. I want it now. I want it now. I did too. I told the wife, I said, hey, listen, I don't know how much you're planning on listening today. Make sure you tune in at 730. We have to put it on all of our Twitter accounts. The whole bit. Everything. So anyway, that's coming up. All right.

9:27Now, let's talk. We got so much to tell you. How about the Charger game yesterday? How's everybody feeling? How's everybody feeling about the Charger game yesterday? What was the final, Woods? The final was 35-27. Raiders. Raiders. Raiders. Raiders. The Raiders. The Raiders. Yeah, that stings a lot. First time since 03. Here's what I want to ask M1s. M1s are Mikey show listeners. Did I say the Raiders, by the way? Yeah. I said the Raiders. Yeah, the Raiders. It was the Raiders of Oakland. Yep. The Raiders. By the way. The Raiders. The Oakland Raiders. The Oakland Raiders of Oakland Raider fame. So far we've lost. Yeah, Raider Nation. So far we've lost to the Chiefs and the Raiders. And the Seahawks. That's not good. The Seahawks. Dude. Chiefs and the Raiders particularly not good. Right. Chiefs are playing well. They've lost to Indy, but they started 3-0 at least. That's a little bit of, you know, you feel good about that. Maybe 4-0. What I want to ask M1s is, so what's the problem? M1 Lee from Oceanside. Are you there, Lee? Yeah, what's up, buddy? What's the problem with the Chargers? Bro, they need to fire everyone. I was streaming at the TV last night.

10:50This is ridiculous. Everyone, they should pull up their second string and see if they can do something. How do you lose? Listen, how do you lose 12 points in the first three minutes of the game? Special teams was doing absolutely ridiculous. There was a couple calls that, you know, we had one call earlier in the game where there was a forward pass and it was considered a dead ball at that point. And then when we did it later on... In the fourth quarter, it's considered a fumble, and they turn it over. Did you guys see that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But those two block punts, just special teams, terrible, nonexistent. Special teams has surrendered four touchdowns in the three road losses. That's inexcusable. You know, the guy that was the special teams coach for, I think it was the Titans last week, had a really bad. night, and they fired him Monday. They said, dude, you're done. This is like, I mean, out of offense, defense, third on the list is special teams. I mean, that thing is, in the pros, it should be automatic. Absolutely. Automatic. Absolutely. Every now and then, a guy's going to bust through and get a nice run back and whatever, but four touchdowns in three games? Yeah. That's inexcusable. Terrible.

12:12Two block punts. I mean, come on. It's terrible. I don't get it, man. I'll be a Charger fan until the day I die. I can be happy. It's worse than a habit. That's what I put on Facebook. Yeah. Thank you very much, Lee. Thank you. M1 Harold from San Marcos. Good morning, dude. I called in a couple weeks ago, and I said, they don't even realize it's football season until week six. I'm saying it again. Yeah, that's true. At the end of the season, everybody's going to love them again. I don't know why everybody's tripping. They're tripping because you lost to the Raiders. Yeah. That's the bad. That's the first time Phillip Rivers ever lost to the Raiders, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, hey, dude, this isn't a deal where we lose a football game and we're like, oh, it's okay. You know, we don't really start to win until week six. No, I mean, they just look pathetic. It's still stupid. Well, they're coming to the meat of their schedule in the next, you know, the next few weeks. So they got to step up.

13:13They have? Yeah, the way the schedule runs, I agree. I agree. Well, I was playing ball yesterday and, you know, obviously play ball with a lot of Charger fans, and they were just, we lost our game, and then they were looking at their phones. They're like, oh, my God, I've got to hear about this for a freaking week from Raider fans. That's even worse than losing is hearing about it from the Raider fans. Thanks, Harold. 570-1949. Call us and tell us why. What's the problem? We should have kept Marty. Yeah. Well, everybody's... Y'all should have kept me, too. Yeah, Wade. You're not doing so well in Dallas. No, no. Jerry almost fired me at halftime yesterday. Yeah, he came down and he said, you know, you pack your stuff, get your ass out of here right now. What'd you say to him to convince him to let you go back out? Well, I said, Jerry, you know, we're doing some things. We're happy. And the guys, they're playing hard. Yeah. He damn near fired me at the half. Norf, who do you think, who's going to get fired first, me or you?

14:13I think we may get fired together. What do you want to do after that? You want to go backpacking? I say both of us need to backpack together so we can just figure out offense and defense. I was thinking about going to coach over in Turkey. Yeah, that's a great idea because they don't play American football there. They'll probably win. Probably be all right. You guys are going to eat some turkey? No, over in Turkey. In Europe? Yeah. You ever heard of it, LLB? I have. I bet you backpacked through Europe. Not yet. Old hippie? You know. Not yet. She may be an old hippie, but she might be able to coach this football team to a win. Maybe. Mine, too. Jerry spends about $200 million a year on players and the new stadium. You can tell. And I can't get it done. I just can't. I'm an idiot. Yeah, I feel the same way about me. I had the same conversation with Mr. Spanos at halftime. He said, Norv, I'm going to fire you. Right now at halftime. And I said, you shouldn't do that. You should let me go back out there and make it right. You didn't do it either, did you? I didn't. And at the end of the game, he said, well, should I fire you? And I said, no, sir. And he didn't. Thank goodness. Do what I do. Just blame it on your special teams, coach. I'll blame it on everybody. I told him, I said, listen, I don't go out there and play the game. I just. Yeah, it ain't us. Yeah. And then he said, but.

15:37Isn't the team a reflection of the head coach? And I said, heck no, no, no, no. Since when? I think so. Since when does a coach matter what a team does? Since when does a coach have anything to do with what happens on the field? Never, L.O.B. You're never coaching the NFL. My daddy, Bum Phillips, told me. He said, Wade, it's not your fault. You ever see Good Will Hunting? The great movie. You remember when he grabs him, he says, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. My daddy bum does to me. It's not your fault. You ever see the movie Boogie Nights? Yes. You know that part where the guy goes, I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. You know that part? Of course. Who doesn't? I love PTA. He's my favorite director. Is he? Yeah, he's my favorite too. In fact, at halftime I watched it on DVD, the Criterion Edition with all the extras. You weren't going over plays? No, I went back. It's not important. Went back into the locker room and all the fellas were going, I wonder where Coach is. I was watching a movie. I was watching. You know what I did at half? What? I had four Baconators. Did you? At halftime. Four. That's a lot. My heart was beating. I was sweating meat. It was terrible. It was terrible. Terrible. I'll tell you what. You start to sweat meat, you know that you're heavy. Those two turds. They're both turds.

17:04You think Dallas and Charger fans are kind of disappointed in their team's performance? Yeah, you know, and my guys on the bench, ooh, the Cowboys lost to you. I'm like, I could care less what the Cowboys do as long as that guy is roaming the sidelines. Could care. Bowman and I talk, you know, 15 times a week, but we talk a lot on Sundays, and he goes, I'm just ready for him to lose out, blow the whole thing up, start from scratch. I'm like, yeah, you know, it's probably the best move. I'm sorry, man. I really do believe that teams that— You've got to have a head coach. Absolutely. But, you know, the flip side of that coin is if you look at all the coaches in the NFL and you look at the head coaches and the guys patrolling the sidelines, who would you think of as one of the biggest disciplinarian hard asses of all time? A few come to mind. A few. A few come to mind. I think of Bill Cowher. Yep. I think of Bill Parcells. Yep. The one in my mind is Mike Singletary. And his team is 0-5. And so, you know, if you really want to be a reflection of your head coach, I mean, you cannot emulate a better player than Mike Singletary was. He was the best. Yeah. Right? Yeah. They were 0-5. So, you know, it's hard to put it all on their shoulders. But, man, you know, when you've got the talent the Chargers have and the Cowboys have, dude, you've got to beat some teams. You've got to beat the teams you're supposed to beat, like the Oakland Raiders. Yeah. For one. Yeah, we should have beat them. Yeah.

18:24Brutal. Special teams. Brutal. Yeah. Michael Bush for the Oakland Raiders looks like a Hall of Famer. Yeah. Maybe tackle. Yeah. Bruce Gradkowski and Jason Campbell got you. And that's terrible. Bruce Gradkowski. Really? Oh, wow. That puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Yeah. Hall of Famer Bruce Gradkowski. He got us real good. Turnovers. You know, Phillip Rivers fumbled and Mike Tolbert fumbled in the red zone. I mean, those will just get you every time. Here's Phillip talking about it. Usually when you lose, you turn the football over from an offensive standpoint. And so you look over our losses in the last five years, and you'll probably see turnovers in the games we lost. I mean, we don't lose many games when we don't turn it over. So, you know, the less we turn it over, the more games we'll win. The more we turn it over, the more we'll lose. You know, to all the players, in terms of turnovers, I say, you know, don't do that. You like apple turnovers. Peach. Peach turnovers are good. Boysenberry. I like those. Boysenberries are good. Pizza turnovers. I tell Matt, too, that those are delicious. I just tell my players, hey, you're getting paid, right? Don't worry about it. That's what I've said, too. You're going to get your check. I've said, you guys, at the end of the day, you're going to get paid. Y'all all getting paid. Everybody's making money. Who cares? Jerry's making money. Stadium sold out every week.

19:46What I care what the record is. I can't say that. We play in a toilet. That's true. Toilet bowl. Yeah. So I can't use that argument with them, but what I do tell them is, you guys do well, I'll take you to Shakey's. You can't beat that. That's good incentive. Everybody loves Shakey's. Anything you want on there. Everybody loves champions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but everybody loves pizza. That's what I tell my players. They love champions more. Eh, you know. What's the deal with that, you know? They're used to it. They're used to it around here, LLB. Yeah. We like to win in week six. That's your week. That's the week we put on a calendar. This is the one that matters, fellas. Up until then, lose to the Raiders. It's like preseason, the first five weeks. Think of the first five weeks as a preseason. Bush already had preseason, so it's like, you know, it's like extra preseason. It's good. That's what I tell my guys. Don't need to buckle down until December, January. Idiots. I swear, growing up in Dallas and knowing what Jerry Jones is about, I guarantee you he was like, I'm going to fire him right now. I'm surprised Jerry Jones isn't bald right now. Doesn't he come down onto the field a lot? He does in the fourth quarter, usually in a win.

21:14Usually in a win, he'll walk down there. I mean, imagine, you know. Real tight skin. Imagine we're wrapping up our show and Rick Jackson, our GM, walks in and just stands here. You're like, what, what? Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, here's some good news for you. On Tuesday, October 26th, Sienna will be back. Oh, I can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. She'll be back. And, man, that is so close. and we will all be back together again. That's crazy. Yeah, she's so excited. Come on back, girl. She said that it's going to be tough because she just had a baby, and she said it's going to be tough leaving the baby for the first time, but she misses it so much, and she wants to get back. She feels like she's ready, and so she's coming back on the 26th, and we can't wait. She said the longer she stays home with the baby, the harder it's going to be. Oh, for sure. She's like, it's going to be impossible anyway. Yeah.

22:13The other gigantic news, man, was what happened in Carlsbad on Friday. There was a shooting at a school. What school? Kelly Elementary. Okay. Yeah, Kelly Elementary School. There's a gentleman, I use that term loosely, named Brendan O'Rourke, 41 years old. Showed up at the school during recess. Kids were running around outside during lunch or whatever. Pulled out a gun and started shooting. And shot two girls, ages 6 and 7. Grazed both of them. They were both flown to Rady Children's. But, you know, there was a construction worker nearby. Are they okay? They're okay. There was a construction worker nearby, Carlos Partida, got into his truck, ran the guy down, which is great. And then it was tackled by other construction workers and witnesses, and they held him. Ran the guy down as in killed him? No, no, ran him down and hit him with the truck. Right. And then they all gang-tackled the guy and held him down. He was trying to reload his gun at the time. What kind of gun? I don't know. I don't know. It was a .45 caliber, I think. Like a pistol? Yeah, it doesn't say in this. Do we know why, what the deal is? You know, we don't, man. So the cops come, they grab the guy, they ask him for identification. He gives him three names, one of which is a woman's name. He's obviously, you know, lost his marbles. Yeah, man, it was a really, really scary situation that didn't escalate.

23:37too badly. I mean, the girls are okay. The kids are probably really jacked up. They're going to have counselors there to talk to him and help him out. So they went and looked at this guy's apartment. He lived in Oceanside. He had an eviction notice on his door, you know, three months to move out. They said he had words on the wall. One wall read Christians. The other one said to destroy it. Just a weird, weird dude. They said, you know, constantly yelling obscenities in the middle of the night, banging on the walls. Racial slurs. Racial slurs. They said the guy has not gone to work in about a week. They've noticed his car sitting there every day. But, yeah, he obviously is a very disturbed individual. He also had a big tank of gas. Oh, yeah, propane tank in his truck. Really? Yeah, he was going to do something with that. You know me, man. I always think stuff like that. Has to do with the other side and you hear that the dude wrote Christians on his wall Yeah, and it makes me think like yeah, I mean the guy is under the influence of evil forces The hundred percent man you you would have to be to do something Something like this and you know, thank God that everybody was okay, you know just

24:47It could have gone so badly for these kids and their families. We're going to have a guy on the show this morning who was one of the first to respond, right? Yeah, Scott Chandler. Big wave surfer Scott Chandler. I talked to him yesterday. He was on the scene. What is he? A parent? He lives there. He lives right across the street. He can tell his own story. He tells it pretty good. Thank God. Thank God everybody's okay. Imagine getting a call if you're the parent. Just a terrible story, but the upside of it is that these girls are okay and it could have been worse. He's facing six counts of attempted murder. Hopefully he's convicted on each count. He goes away for a long, long time. We found out, what was it, Friday or Saturday? When did the news come out about Tony Gwynn? Saturday. Saturday, Hall of Fame outfielder Tony Gwynn says he has cancer in a salivary gland. He's undergoing radiation chemotherapy. They feel they caught it early. There's not much of it there, which is good. And then he says it came from dipping snuff. Did it really? What? Did it really? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Perfect. Wow. Perfect.

26:06But, hey, big shout-outs to Tony Gwynn. He is a legend, and we are all praying for his recovery. For sure. I hope that he's okay. Good dude. New number one in college football because Bama lost. Woodsy will give you that in Woods on Sports. Plus, update you on what's going on in these pennant races and NFL scores. And what do you think is the lowest NFL quarterback rating you can have and still win a game? I think this has to be it. This quarterback rating is nuts, and we'll tell you about it next. Word of the day is slimy. So between now and 10, when you hear me say slimy, caller 9 wins tickets to SeaWorld worth $236. Four-pack. Four-pack to SeaWorld. And I can't wait until 7.30. I wish it was 7.30 right this second. Let's pretend. That makes three of you. Talking to LOB about it during the commercial break, she's mortified the fact that we're going to play actual audio that she did years ago. Yeah, and keep in mind, it was meant for a boyfriend. It wasn't meant for anything other than that. City of San Diego? It's killing me! It's killing me! It was private. Call your friends. Private and sultry. Tell them to tune in. Sultry. Her singing Santa Baby. Santa Baby.

27:40It must have been Christmas time. Yeah. It was Christmas time and we didn't get to spend the holidays together, so I was trying to give a little treat. Wow. Feels like Christmas around here. Sure does. I'll tell you. I bet. All day. Yesterday I was telling Jamie, I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. And then Woodsy's got scores to go over, what's going on in baseball, the whole deal. God. Hey, remember on Friday we were talking about how there was an Amber Alert all over the freeways? Oh, yeah. And there is an update to that story, right, Woods? There is. There was a man, David Nicholas, he's 26, from Monrovia, was arrested as a suspect in the case. Now, two boys, Justin and Jacob... Quinones, Mikey. Quinones. Quinones, my bad. They were seized from the driveway of their Anaheim apartment complex, put in a van. Their mother was taking the trash out, and these guys snatched them up. Now, they thought it was the father and grandfather, and it still may be. This gentleman is a suspect. They are not releasing anything else, but he was arrested, and his bail was set at $1 million. They must have something on the dude. He's a co-conspirator or whatever.

28:47So at least there's some progress in that case. Are the boys home? The boys are home, I believe. Boys are home. They are? I believe. I swear I think I saw that. I'm going to flip out. I might be thinking of another story, you guys. I'm going to flip out if those poor boys are still out there. Let me find out. Seriously, right now. 5701949. Maybe you know. Did I see? I feel like I saw that they were home. So many... Abductions. I look it up, Woods. And all kinds of stuff. Let Jay look it up. I got it. I got it. I got it right here. I'll get it. Piece of cake. He's a good multitasker. You guys can visit sweetly or something while I look. How was the weekend? Everybody good? Maybe we do. You guys good? Everybody sweet? Everybody's great. Why don't we do sports? And then... Okay. Why don't we do that? And then Jay will find it. I don't think they're home, dude. Son of a gun. Jay will look. Look at it now. Woods on Sports. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We have got so much sports to get to, so I'm going to dive right in. So the race for the pennant is about halfway there. The Phillies and the Yankees both took care of business sweeping their teams. The Phillies beat the Reds behind.

30:17A complete game gem from Cole Hamels. Their pitching looks almost unstoppable. The Yankees swept. Phil Hughes was great. Seven strong innings. Yanks took care of business just like I needed them to. Well, maybe my friends in Texas maybe zip their lip like they've been to the playoffs before because they're writing me, we're coming for you, we're going to get you, we're going to get you. It's Yanks Rangers, Yanks Rangers. Hey, you got to win your series first before you get to the next one. Yeah. Okay? Stop S and your own D and, you know, whatever. But I've gotten texts, emails, the whole bit driving me crazy. Yeah. So act like you've been there. Maybe knock out your series before you look to the next one. Okay. Maybe zip your lip. All right. So they'll play again. They got to play game five because they were up 2-0. They let the Rays back in it. And that game will be Tuesday at 2 o'clock. And the Giants have taken a 2-1 lead over the Braves. Three errors by the... The Braves second baseman in one game. Oh, boy. Brutal, dude. Oh, yeah. I wonder if he wants to slit his throat. So there is a new number one in college football as well. Ohio State is your new number one. There were some crazy games Saturday. I actually had a really good Saturday because the Irish won. USC lost. Bama lost, which was insane. Ohio State took care of business. They are number one. And it's just.

31:37crazy in college football right now. I thought of you because, you know, you had made the point to me one time, like, why is Lane Kiffin such a big deal? I know. He's never won at any level. Really. I mean, honestly. Like, why is he so... Don't know. Why was he so sought after? I know. Why was he so... What's the deal? He's never been a winner. Ever. I mean, he's a legend in his own mind is the way I put it with Lane Kiffin. USC lost. They lost to Stanford. I'm glad that the Irish won. Yeah, the Irish took care of business against Pitt. Maybe I stopped saying take care of business. It's Monday. Leave me alone. Oh, wow. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. And I was very pleased to come in and read that Tony Stewart got a big win in the Pepsi 400 this weekend. And here's some audio of him talking about that cut three. We come out fourth there toward the end, and we've got two guys on the front that are on two tires, and Clint and myself being the first guy on four, it was just a matter of trying to figure out where to go when we got down to turn one to not follow those guys on two tires. You know you're going to be able to go a little bit quicker than them, but just getting through those two before Clint did or anybody else did was a big key. It's the closest race to San Diego. That was riveting. That was riveting audio, by the way. All right, I have riveting audio. Okay, you got some?

32:55Audio from the Pepsi 400. Kenny Loggins sings the national anthem. Let's see if Kenny still has it. Say a listen. Ladies and gentlemen, please remain standing and welcome Grammy Award winning. What if I want to sit down? What if I want to sit down? Can't I honor my country by... No. Okay. No. You cannot. All right, fine. If they can fight in the war, you can stand for two minutes. Good point. Good point. When is Kenny Loggins going to start to sing? He sounds older. I'm all right. Nobody worry about me. Shouldn't we? To the danger zone. Now you've got to cut loose. Footloose. Footloose. That's all I got. By the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Half the twilight's last gleaming. Whose broad stripes.

34:18He's singing autotune. Getting old. Yeah, he's getting old. Stinks. Getting old stinks. Yeah, it does. Is that my computer doing that? It's hard to say. Oh my goodness. I'm about to lose it with that computer already. Let me see. Let me test my computer. That's fine. Maybe it's just Kenny Loggins. His batteries were running down. It's just Kenny not being able to do it. You want me to rip through some scores for you? Sure. NFL scores. Eagles 27, 49ers 24. 49ers are 0-5. Oh, boy. That's tough. Raiders 35, Chargers 27. Okay. The Bears won 23-6. Their quarterback, Todd Collins, was 6-16 for 32 yards through four interceptions and recorded a passer rating.

35:19Of 6.2. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And they won? I can guarantee you that I could have a better pass. I guarantee you that I could have a better pass right now. Dude, I really think you could. I throw three screen passes, and I'm done. Sure. I'm done. Yeah. 6.2, and they won. They won. How bad are the Panthers? My boy Jimmy Klassen not playing well. No. Not playing well at all. Oh, my gosh, dude. He had a 6.2 rating. That's the worst. The Ravens beat the Broncos 31-17. The Buccaneers, who are 3-1, beat Cincy 24-21. Carson Palmer, Chad Ochocinco, Terrell Owens. Not going the way they thought it was going. Yeah, what happened? Max Hall, the rookie for the Cardinals, came out, didn't play great, played well enough to beat. The New Orleans Saints, 30-20. Big win. Yeah, that's a huge, huge win for them. The Titans beat the Cowboys 34-27. Vince Young played pretty well. Two touchdowns, 173 yards. Romo, three picks. Weird. Everybody wants a gunslinger, just like Brett Favre. 44-6, the Lions over the Rams. They put a whooping on them. The Falcons, 20-10 over the Browns. Giants, 34. Texans, 10. The Texans have kind of fallen from...

36:34Being so great that everybody thought they would just run away with their division. Jaguars beat the Bills. Bills are 0-5, 36-26. The Redskins over the Packers. It's a huge win for them. 16-13. And the Colts over the Chiefs, 19-9. Tonight, of course, is Monday Night Football. Great game. Yeah, it is. The Vikings, who have just gotten Randy Moss back. They're sitting at 1-2 against the Jets, who are 3-1. Yeah. And, you know. Brett Favre is the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings. We talk about that? We should. Yeah. I think we should. He's got a lot on his mind, and it's not just the Jets defense. He's being accused of allegedly sending inappropriate text messages and voicemails and even a picture of his piece, right? To a girl that, did she work for the Jets organization? So this girl, this girl, this is classic. She went to Florida State. One of the top five hottest girls I've ever seen in my life. Gorgeous. Yeah. They showed her on the screen one day in a Florida State game. And Brent Musburger, I'll never forget, he goes, well, 1,500 red-blooded Americans just applied for admission at Florida State after they showed her picture. Right. Stunning. She was just a student? Yeah, she's a student. Why did she show up on the camera? Because she's beautiful. She's in the audience. She's in the audience. Yeah, she's in the audience. That's how, what's her faves?

37:53Pamela Anderson got discovered. She's a 15 out of 10. She's unbelievable. Yeah. And she was in Playboy, like all this stuff. So she was working for the, she was like a sideline reporter or something for the Jets. And there was a guy that Brett went to and said, hey, I'm going to need you to go ahead and make this right with this girl. I need her number. Give her mine. Got her number. Started sending her texts. Started leaving voicemails. I listened to the voicemails. Sounds like Brett Favre. Sounds like Brett Favre. He's not confirming or denying at this point. He said, they asked him about it, and he goes, you know, I'm not going to get into that. I've got to worry about the Jets. You know, and that's his bid if I'm not going to talk about it. It's so weird, you know, and I don't know the legality of it or anything, but I don't know why he just, if it wasn't true, why he just wouldn't say, you know, that's not true. Yeah. Maybe he can't. Maybe, I don't know, you know. Well, he's, you know, the girl has said, hey, listen, I didn't release this information. This was not, and this happened a couple of years ago when he was with the Jets. Okay, so it happened a couple of years ago. If she didn't release it. Yeah, what business is it of ours? Well, it's really not. It's the personal conduct policy that the NFL has. That's true, LLB, because they suspended Ben Roethlisberger for, and he wasn't even really.

39:05convicted of doing anything. And Favre, if he was getting creepy with an employee, he's got to be looked at. If she didn't release it, the only thing I can think is that an angry boyfriend released it. The people of Deadspin are the one that broke the story. And again, they've been sitting on this for a couple years. And if she was involved with the organization that he was playing for... then that would make it, you know, she could have been put in a compromised position. And I don't think she works there anymore. Wow. She left. Yeah. And she hasn't said anything? Oh, boy. Wow. Well, I saw it last night. They were talking about it on Sunday Night Football. Yeah. And he's got his hands full. Plus, you know, Jay, his wife had cancer. Mm-hmm. Married father of three. It's a bad, bad, bad thing. But, yeah, I mean, you know, what a guy does in his private life, I guess, is none of our business as long as he's not. threatening people or like holding stuff over people's head because he's Brett Favre. I mean, if anybody knows more about it, I want to hear it. But I've watched and done a little research on it. It's pretty crazy. It's crazy. It's one of those deals where with politics, it's important, I guess, to know stuff like that because it has to do with a person's character. And, you know, that's a person that is going to be making decisions that will affect me and you.

40:27With a sports guy? I'm like, I don't know. I mean, maybe he is a turd of a character, but he's a sports guy. You know what I mean? I think it complicates it because she worked there, right? I think that's where it becomes an issue. Yeah. I mean, if he went to her, listen, I'm freaking Brett Favre. You need to make this right. That steps the bounds of it. Yeah, look at this thing. Here's a picture of it. Yeah, here's three pictures of it. Speaking of... Yeah, I saw it too, by the way. You saw it? Yeah, it's on The Thing. It's on the thing in Deadspin.com. He's got number four tattooed on the side of it. Shut up. But I did see it. I'll show you at the break, L.O.B. Speaking of inappropriate sexual obscenities, how about L.O.B. doing comedy on Friday night and a bunch of dudes were yelling stuff out. If any of you guys were there. There would have been like a bar room brawl. I would have been in jail. Where'd you go? Place in Carlsbad. Yeah. I don't want to like throw them under the bus because it's not their fault. No, it's not their fault. A room up in Carlsbad called Hensley's. Yeah. And it was just, I wasn't supposed to go on last, but I did. And it was Friday night. Yeah. Guys were, there was like, I don't know, like eight guys that went on before me or something like that. Mm-hmm. Sexual jokes, all that kind of stuff. Crowds getting riled up.

41:55So by the time I got up there... They were ready for... Oh, yeah. They weren't expecting to see a female. I heard, like, you know, Rich was introducing me, and he's like, this next comic, I'm really proud of her. Her! Oh, boy. Hey, where is she? Oh, no. That's how it started. Oh, no. And I kept waiting for it to stop, but... It didn't. Maybe you don't yell obscenities at my girl up there when she's trying to rip through some comedy. You guys have me cracking up all the time. I don't have anything witty enough. The only thing I had to say was one guy that was like the loudest of the bunch and was closest to me, I stopped and I said, so do you want to deliver the punchline or can I do it? Yeah. Did it stop him? He put his head down and the girl next to him was like, stop it. Oh boy. The idiot. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Trying to do an act here. At that point, I was like, I just want to get off the stage. I'm tired. I've been up since 345. It's 1030. Oh, man. Why don't you bring a water gun up there with me? That was hysterical. I need to come up with an arsenal. Zip your lip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be funny. That's hysterical. Hey, shut up. How great is that? I'm glad I wasn't there, seriously. You know, I've never been heckled before, and I think it was probably time for me to come up with some witty things to say.

43:12Obviously, L.O.B., I didn't get heckled, but I did my routine this weekend where I go speak at churches, right? And I look out into the audience, and there is a woman completely asleep on her husband's shoulder. I mean, mouth open, the whole bit. What do you do? She is sawing logs. Do you try to not look at her? Oh, yeah, you try to not look at her. No, you try to not look at her. So I'm doing my thing, and I'm speaking, and I look over, and she wakes up. Okay? And I was like, oh, good. I'm glad that she woke up. And I keep speaking, and I look over, and her husband had nodded off. They must have had a long night. Yes. So she was awake now. Oh, boy. But the hubby. Oh, God. Taking turns. He nodded off. They must have had a long night, but they still wanted to come see you. That's right.

44:12Hey, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to be as upfront about this as I can be. When we come back, we're going to give you audio of Eminem on 60 Minutes. This is not for kids. This is a very adult segment that we're going to play. Eminem last night on 60 Minutes. And so I'm just giving you a fair warning. I mean, this program's not for kids anyway, but I'm just giving you that fair warning. It's next. You know KC and the Sunshine Band are still doing this at casinos in Oregon. 100%. You know it. State Bears. Wizards got the moves. Only now it's my, my, my, my, my buggy shows. That's what we do. And white people at weddings dance like this to it. That's right. That's right. Welcome back. Word of the day is slimy. Haven't said it yet. I'll say it now between now and 10. And then caller nine gets a four pack of SeaWorld tickets.

45:48San Diego prize pack worth a lot of money. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Could be any time. Tick tock, no, you know what I'm talking about. 60 minutes. You know what I'm talking about. Right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, 730. 60 minutes. Santa baby. Santa baby. LLB. LLB singing Santa baby. You sure you don't want to save it until like the holidays or something? No, I do not. Where it would be more appropriate? We'll play it over and over and over and over and over. That disc will self-destruct. I'm going to be recording out here. Zero percent. You know one of the M1s is going to snatch it. Scale of 1 to 10 LOB, how much are you dreading us playing it? You know, I've kind of dealt with it. Ever since I said yes to you guys at like 10.30 a.m. on Friday, I've just been like, I'm dead. You resigned to it. Yeah, I've resigned myself to it, but I haven't listened to it. So as soon as I hear it come through the headphones, you'll probably have to turn my mic off because I'll be screaming. It's a recording of her that she made for her boyfriend years ago. At Christmas time of her singing Santa Baby all sexy. All sultry in the bathroom through headphones. Headphones will record? Yeah. If you go in, I think it's the right ear or something like that. It'll record. I learned that trick a long time ago. I used to dub over songs when I was a kid and put my name into them. And then play. Another thing we're finding out. Another piece of gold. Yeah. Play it for my relatives and be like, look, it's a song about me. Yeah. Oh, wow.

47:15And they were like, that's wonderful, Lauren. You can't even tell that that's your voice coming in and you lower the volume. All right, so I'm going to play you this audio from 60 Minutes last night. And it's of Eminem. And I'm going to tell you before we even start, this stuff ain't for kids. All right? This is grown-up stuff we're going to be playing. But it's interesting stuff. I find Eminem to be a fascinating person. Fascinating. Fascinating. Mostly because he's a white rapper. Not only is he a white rapper, he's really good. He's one of the best. And black rappers really respect him. Yeah, it took a while. Yeah, but they really go, man, this guy knows what's up. So anyway, here is Eminem talking about his ability. Now, he's being interviewed by Anderson Cooper, okay? And some of this is going to get real spicy because Anderson brings up to him. that he uses derogatory terms for gay people in his music. And Anderson Cooper is gay. Oh, he's out? I don't know if he's out. He's out, isn't he? Well, trust me. He's out. Even if he isn't out, what we're going to play for you will sort of give you an impression. Yeah. Anyway, here we go. I've heard you say that you bend the word. Yeah. It's just in the enunciation of it.

48:45The word orange doesn't rhyme with anything. And that kind of pisses me off because I can think of a lot of things that rhyme with orange. What rhymes with orange? If you're taking the word at face value and you just say orange. Didn't this happen to us once? Kill me. Yeah. It happened to us in the other studio. Did it? What was it? I think you just ended up having to restart your computer. Oh boy. No way. That cannot be true. Is that the deal? I don't know. It seems like I had to restart my computer. All right, I'll do it. I can entertain you until it restarts. Play a song or something. I'm a professional. Yeah, professional radio guy. If I can't entertain you for the minute that it takes for this thing to restart, well, then why am I on the radio? Are you not entertained? I'm entertained right now. Just watching you entertain. Doesn't it always... Like, say you install something or you do an update and it tells you that you need to restart your computer. Aren't you always like, oh, that takes forever. But it seriously takes like a minute. But I'll have all these things open that I'm working on. Yeah, and you're like, oh, come on. I've got to save that. I'll put that off forever. That sound you hear also is me drinking out of a high seed juice box. What's going on? For the first time in 15 years. How come? 25 years. Why? Because I wanted it. Delicious. You asked your wife to buy it? Oh, my God.

50:16Did you ask her to or did she just buy them? Delicious. That's a good alternative to the Eminem audio. Listen to Woods drink out of a juice box. Whoa. What was that? Damn. Should we just take it to the house, come back tomorrow fresh, everybody get a good night's rest? What was that? Damn, it's over here. Listen one more time. Maybe turn it down. Tiny. It's the same volume as everything else. Damn. Oh, I don't know. I'd say maybe it was a little louder. Not in my room. Not in my ears, Mikey. Well, over here in my ears. Sounded perfectly fine to me. All right, let's try this again. All right. Here we go. And if it doesn't, I'm checking out. See you later. We're just going to take it to the house. Oh, boy. Jeremy. Give me a minute.

51:24Some days are diamonds. Some days are turds. Write that down. Yep. Enunciation of it. People say that the word orange doesn't rhyme with anything. And that kind of pisses me off because I can think of a lot of things that rhyme with orange. What rhymes with orange? If you're taking the word at face value and you just say orange, nothing is going to rhyme with it exactly. If you enunciate it and you make it... Like more than one syllable orange you could say like Yeah, he says if you make it more than one syllable if you make it in it too, but it is too or not orange or orange That's one syllable orange. Oh, it is isn't yeah Well, you can say orange orange orange. I say orange either way I put my orange for inch door hinge

52:25in storage and ate porridge with George. You just have to figure out the science to breaking down words. And do you think about this throughout the day? I mean, driving along, you think about rhyming words? Yeah, all day. Yeah, I actually drive myself insane with it. Wow. I'm sure. I bet he does. He's like, no, literally. I'm insane. So here is Anderson Cooper questioning him about his derogatory word for homosexuals. In a song, Kill You, you say, bitch, I'm gonna kill you. You don't want to eff with me. You say, my word's like a dagger with a jagged edge that'll stab you in the head. Whether you're a fag or a les, hate fags, the answer is yes. Yeah. The scene that I came up in, that word was thrown around so much, you know? Faggot was like, it was thrown around constantly to each other, like, in battling. But, I mean, do you not like gay people? No, I don't have... any problem with nobody. You know what I mean? Like I'm just whatever. So Anderson Cooper, if you didn't know, Anderson Cooper also kind of complained to Universal Pictures because Universal Pictures has a new movie coming out with Vince Vaughn called The Dilemma. And this is what it used to sound like, the trailer for the movie. They've since removed it.

53:56Because Anderson Cooper has said that he doesn't think it's appropriate. Here's what it used to sound like. Ladies and gentlemen, electric cars are gay. I mean, not homosexual gay, but, you know, my parents are chaperoning the dance. Gay. That's been taken out. Really? Weird. Yeah. reshape uh culture which he you know he's if he's gay which i think you're right i don't know that he's ever come right out i don't know if he is or not i mean i have my suspicions for years but it's almost like you you there needs to be a website that confirms or denies out.com who's out yeah because you don't know i think there's plenty of people that i was a hundred percent sure they were gay and then it turns out

55:00They're not gay. Yeah, like Seacrest? Yeah. No offense. He's still maybe. He's on the radar. He still maybe what? I mean, he says he's not, but I thought... Has he said that he's not? Yeah, he's dating, or he was dating that chick from Dancing with the Clowns. It's called a beard, L-O-B. A beard, I just found out, is when a guy is with... A guy is gay, but he hangs out with a girl and has a girlfriend so that people think that he's... Straight. It's like a front. It's a front, and he... It's a beard. Yeah, it's his beard. Okay, more with Eminem. The language he's used in songs sparked protests and accusations that he promoted violence against women and gays. He's been branded a misogynist and a homophobe. I felt like I was being attacked. Like you were being singled out. I was being singled out, and I felt like, is it because of the color of my skin? Is it because of that you're paying more attention? Is it because... Is it because I'm black? You're not black, actually. I'm an F. No, no, no. I'm saying me because I'm black. You're not black, though. That's the thing. Are you sure? Yeah. I promise you. You're not. See, that's what I mean. People making jokes like that. Like, I'm not black. You're not black. You're a white guy. Why? Because I'm not black enough? Is that the deal? No, no. You're white. You're Caucasian. Now, I guess I got to black it up for you. No. I mean, you... Oh, you're saying like I'm a white guy. You're a white guy. That's racist. I'm not, man. Your name is Marshall Mathers. You're a racist, man. I'm not racist. You're white.

56:32I'm black. Dr. Dre is black. You are white. I'm the same, the same as Dr. Dre. You are a talented guy. Black guy. No. Say it. White guy. No, say I'm a talented black guy. Say it. You're white. I'm not, I'm not, I'm black, black, black, black, black, black, black, white, white, white, white, white. There's certain rappers that do and say the same things that I'm saying. And I don't hear no one saying anything about that. I didn't just invent saying offensive things. Didn't you? He's great, though. You know, there's a whole bit that Louis C.K. does on the F word where he talks about the same thing. He's like, I don't mean it like that. He's like, that's just what we called each other growing up. He does a whole comedy routine on it, too. I mean, obviously we're... Well, actually, doesn't it mean like a cigarette or like a stick? They call it in England. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's... You can... It's a hateful word, though. There's no doubt about it. If you, you know, that word has kind of a hateful connotation to it. Yeah, it depends on how you use it, I guess. Well. I don't know. What about the Vince Vaughn thing, though? I've never, you know, me personally, I've never thought of saying something is gay. I've never thought of that as being hateful. Right. Or offensive. Yeah. I said it when I was, like, in middle school. And I remember.

57:58Then I started working with a guy that was gay when I was like 16, and he was like, you know, you really shouldn't say that kind of stuff. Because I'd be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that you're going to whatever. That's so gay. He's like, yeah, I'm gay. What do you expect? He would be like, you shouldn't use that when you're not referring to someone that's not actually homosexual. But it is an immature, like, pick up a thesaurus. You don't have to say that. That's like when people are like, oh my gosh, that's so retarded. Yeah, that's fruity. How about that? Is it better? No. Like electric, what is it? What do you say? Smart cars are gay? That's what he said in the commercial. Smart cars are fruity. It's better. I don't think that's what he meant, though. I think he meant that they're lame. He didn't mean that a smart car is going to have sex with another male smart car. No, what I'm saying, I think he meant they're, like, a lot of people will be like, oh, you're not going to go to the party tonight? That's gay. Okay, what about this? Okay, so what if it's actually descriptive? What if I go, what if Woods goes, come here, I'm going to play, I'm going to teach you how to play guitar. And I go, all right. I go, but there's no chairs. And Woods goes, sit on my lap. And I go, no, I'm not going to sit on your lap. And he goes, why? And I go, because that's gay.

59:15In that case, don't I mean that it's actually homosexual? Yeah, you do actually mean that. Now, is that okay? Is that okay? No, I don't think it is because I think a gay guy would be like, well, what's wrong with that? Yeah. What's wrong with you sitting on his lap? And liking other guys. I think. I don't know. What if you say that someone throws like a girl? I mean, we can be all up in arms about that. Yeah, women can be like, wait a minute, what about Jenny Finch? Yeah, what about Jenny Finch? She's slinging heat. She's a great softball player, so don't say throw like a girl. Throw like a child. Maybe everybody just relaxes a little bit. Yeah, doesn't freak out about every little thing. Excuse me, I throw really well. Right. Dang it. Maybe everybody just relaxes. Doesn't get offended about everything. My son is autistic. L.O.B.'s right. I mean, when I hear, I don't say, that's retarded. I used to. I did too. Then I had an autistic kid and I'm like, oh, now I don't like it. But it's, I mean, there are a million other words that you could say. It just makes you sound, when you say stuff like that, I think it makes you sound like, okay, like, pick a better word. Like I said, pick up a thesaurus. How come we don't say that about gay? I think a lot of people do.

1:00:26Our station actually runs a PSA on that. They do? Yeah, on the internet. Steadily, they run it. It shouldn't say something's gay. I don't know. Whatever. I get it. I have to say, I don't have a hatred towards homosexuals. Me neither. And I don't think that people that go, oh, that's gay. And please call in. I want to hear people's point of view on this. 570-1949. When somebody goes, oh, that's gay. I don't think that they have a dislike for homosexuals. No, they have a limited vocabulary. But we could say the same thing about the word retard. Because we could go, I don't think that they have a hatred in their heart for people that are mentally retarded. But at the same time. It's hurtful, you know, it hurts. Well, I grew up, I mean, my sister is mentally handicapped or challenged or whatever the correct word is. She has Down syndrome. And I heard people say that growing up, but I knew they didn't mean it as like... Handicapable. Yeah, handicapable. Oh boy. But yeah, I knew they didn't mean it as like a... They'd be like, oh my gosh, you're an idiot. That's so retarded when they said something like that. Yeah.

1:01:51They're just, like I said, that's limited vocabulary. See, I have a pretty proficient vocabulary and I used it. Yeah. It's immaturity then. Yeah. I guess it is, yeah. That's absolutely. Immaturity. I said it before in front of LLB and I was like, idiot. You did? Yeah. Yeah, I think we all have. We first started and I was like, sorry LLB. I remember one time LLB slayed me, man. LLB slayed me. Somebody said it in front of her and goes, oh my gosh, no offense. Because they knew that she didn't like that. It was me. And L.O.B. goes, offense taken. Yeah. I did? Yeah. It was hysterical. Yeah. It was really funny. 570. I enjoyed it. I remember that. 570-1949. M1 Messenger from La Mesa. Are you there, Messenger? Go ahead. Go ahead. Well, first of all, I just wanted to say I love the show. Thank you. And, you know, it gets me to work all the time. Thanks, man. I just wanted to comment two quick comments. I'm not pointing any fingers or anything, but I don't think that necessarily Eminem is trying to be black. I mean, he kind of gets the stereotype of that because, you know, he's a white rapper, and that's kind of, to some people, that's kind of an oxymoron. But I think I listened to that interview of him, and I'm not a big Eminem fan, but I do like kind of the stuff that he said on the interview, and I just think that instead of focusing so much on him, you know, having like...

1:03:19Kind of like that ghetto talk or whatever. I don't think that necessarily he's trying to be black or anything like that. And then just also real quick about the like gay and like retarded thing. Like, you know, I used to say those kind of things a lot, especially retarded and gay. And then, you know, two things that kind of helped me. That is when I started working in retail, I worked around a lot of homosexuals and I used to say it all the time. And a couple of times I got a couple of looks and one of my friends that was, he's gay. He kind of mentioned to me like. it's just kind of offensive to him. And so it just kind of made me just think more about what other people are hearing out of my mouth. And do I really want people to think that I have a limited vocabulary or that I, you know, that I'm ignorant in a way. And that's kind of, I just wanted to point that out, just kind of just be more conscious of, you know, what you're saying. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, there's better ways to say both of those words. For sure. Or what your intent is. You know, the truth is, is that when I hear somebody,

1:04:22use the word retard I think to myself just in my own head I'm like they don't know what my deal is you know and I don't I don't really I'm just being honest with you I don't really cast a judgment on them because I'm like they don't I mean they don't know what my deal is and I used to do it and I've said gay and you know to a gay person that would be offended by it you know have you ever dropped a GD right because if you have You know, maybe somebody's offended by it. And so if anybody's offended by it, that means that you have to stop saying it because you can't say, don't say gay because I'm gay and then ever drop a GD because somebody may be offended by that. Right. And then if you're gay and you're offended, if somebody says that something's gay, don't ever use the word retard because then you're offending somebody. You know what I mean? We offend somebody every day. Sure. Every day. The word retard to me is even worse than retarded because you say it with the implication that you're saying that someone's so dumb that they could be compared to someone that's retarded. You know what I mean? Which is hurtful. I find that to be more offensive than saying like, oh my gosh, this computer, it doesn't come with word on it? Oh, that's retarded. I think it's amazing how powerful words are. We make them.

1:05:52so much more powerful than they really are. We do. We do. I mean, you know, and we do stuff on the show all the time where, you know, Mikey is like, oh, I went to Sir Latab yesterday. I'm like, oh, you're a gay man. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that's offensive to somebody. I'm sure. I'm not trying to offend anybody. See, I would think that a gay guy. Would laugh. Would think that's fine. I would too. I think a lot of them would, but. I mean. There's always going to be somebody out there who's offended by whatever you say. Yeah, exactly. And I've called you guys. I've been like, you are a woman. And I'm like, that should offend me, technically. Right. Let's see. M1 Amber from OB. Amber, are you there? Hi, go ahead. Gay people. I worked with a girl that was a lesbian, and she thought it was hilarious that I would call her gay if she didn't want to go out to a party or something. And she started using it towards me, too. She would invite me to do something, and I'd say, oh, I don't mean I'm going to go. She'd be like, dude, you're gay. She thought it was hilarious. I worked at Banana Republic with a lot of gay guys.

1:07:03Hysterical and they you know, they thought I was hysterical just because of who I am and my the way I am Well, they know just because of like just me I'd be like, you know talking about girls or whatever they'd be like, oh my god You're so funny, you know, but we would talk and they would do their bits are like oh my god You look gay today, and I'm like I would laugh. Yeah, you got to be a laugh yourself. I'm fat I'm pudgy. I make fun of myself because I'm a fat pig. You're not a fat pig. I'm a fat pig. You are not a fat pig. I'm repugnant with my clothes off. Let's see. Come on. I'll show you. Yeah, like me, man. I poke fun of the fact that I'm Mexican. I poke fun of the fact, you know, a lot of stuff about myself. You've got to be able to laugh. If you take everything so seriously, you're going to have a really tough road ahead of you. I mean, you have to be able to laugh at yourself. It's one of those things that I've really struggled with in my growth. Because I've gone, is this wrong? Is this wrong? Because I know what's in my heart. There's no hatefulness in my heart. And boy, it's just, it's tough too. Because as a comic, it's hard for me to go, it's going to be funnier for me to go, like Woods. When he said to me, when I texted him a picture of Sir La Table, because that's where I was, buying, you know, buying.

1:08:24cutlery and sippy cups and sippy cups and whatever what have you what have you and uh it's a cook's paradise and i took a picture of it and woods texted me back and said you're a giant gay one and i and nothing funnier than the word gay one yeah sorry and that was funny to me. It's funny. I'm sorry. I don't want to offend anybody, but it's funny. I think if it doesn't come from a place of hate, if you're just playing, you should be able to have fun. I love the gay man. Write that down. I love the gay man. Big fan. I think they're so funny. I've had gay friends, and I don't have a problem. I've voted for gay marriage, the whole bit. It's not from a place of hatred. It's just from a place of trying to be an idiot, which I do pretty well. I love you all. You can be like Daniel Tosh and just offend everybody. Yeah. You know, I mean, and I don't want to offend people. If they're upset by it, it's not meant to be offensive. Can't we just kiss and make up? Yeah, absolutely. I'll kiss all the gay men out there. Sweetly. Eminem talks about almost dying. In December of 2007, he overdosed, collapsing in the bathroom of his home. You almost died. Yeah, definitely. How close do you think you were to dying?

1:09:43They said two hours. If I would have got to the hospital two hours later, that would have been it. Because my organs, everything, my kidneys, everything were failing. Everything was shutting down. What did he take? Oh my gosh, that's pretty crazy. We have an email that's great, man. This email is something that maybe you've had go on in your life, has to do with in-laws and not the parents, like brother-in-law, sister-in-law, that kind of deal. Saturday Night Live did a spoof of Christine O'Donnell's I'm Not a Witch ad that she's running. It's hysterical. We'll play that for you. We'll do name that tune as well. Oh, but when we come back. When we come back. My stomach hurts all of a sudden. We are going to play Santa Baby. L-O-B. I think I forgot to bring the CD. Oh, no, you didn't. A private recording that she did that only her ears and her boyfriend.

1:10:54at the time, have ever heard, and we will all hear it next. Welcome to the show. It's the Mikey Show. The moment we've all been waiting for. Oh, yeah. I'm breathing over here. She is. She's doing, like, Lamaze. Oh, my gosh. It was like, as every commercial played during the break, after it finished, she was like, oh, gosh, oh, gosh. Oh. After every single commercial ended, she was afraid. I can't wait. I suddenly feel like I'm going to cry. Okay, so to set this up again, our girl Lauren, who is a bit private, takes her a while to let you in. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Takes her a while to let you in. She revealed to us on Friday, she's looking at me through her fingers right now. She's got her hands up to her face. She's looking at me through her fingers. She revealed to us on Friday that for an ex-boyfriend one time,

1:12:20she recorded the song Santa Baby for Christmas for him. Santa Baby. And that she did it in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. And she did it with her computer. And Matt comes with a music program called Garage Band, and she did it on Garage Band. She had roommates at the time, so she had to do it really fast so that they wouldn't come home and be like, what are you doing? Nothing. Leave me alone. I'm recording Santa baby for my boyfriend in the bathroom. Why? Is that weird? I think a sex tape would be less embarrassing to her at this point. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Because I was actually trying to be good. She was trying to be good and she was trying to be sexy. And I'm not. I was trying to be sexy. I can't wait for this. I'm like embarrassed. Oh, I know. She told him, erase it. Oh, yeah. I was like. where are you right now? When I talked to him, because I hadn't heard from him, so I was like, did you get the email or what? He's like, what, what, what? What, what? I was like, go to your computer. I was like, is anyone around you? You swear. No one's around you. You swear. He probably thought it was a dirty picture. Yeah, guaranteed. And then he opened up, he's like, Santa baby. Well, he started listening to it when I was on the phone, and I had to hang up because I couldn't hear it play back. You ready? Oh, boy, oh, boy. Without further ado, turn her mic off.

1:13:41Oh, no. Yes. No, no, no. You'll be able to hear her through mine. You don't want her drowning it out. You got to shut it down. You'll be able to hear her. Trust me. Here we go. You cued it up? Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. Okay. My heart's going to stop. Are we sure we're going to do this? My heart's racing. She's under the board. She's under the board. Your eyes are dropped open. Oh, my God. She is under the board. I'm coming to take a picture of this. She is under the board. She's under the board. Do we have a camera? Grab my camera out of the thing, Will. She's in fetal position. It's in the top drawer. Top drawer. That's so good. That is so good. She's curled up right now. Fetal position. Fetal position. Holding her knees. Holding her knees. With her face buried. Oh, she is bright red. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. It's going up right now. Oh, my gosh.

1:14:53I just took a picture of her underneath the console. She was just kicking her legs under the board. She can't take it. I think it's pretty good, Lauren. Why don't we just let it... Oh, look at the brightness of red. Look at me. She won't look. Come on, look up. LLB, look, a black guy just walked in. Come on, look up. The toilet has great acoustics. Oh, look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. It's so much worse than I thought. Do you think her boyfriend was like, this is a girl I'm dating? Yeah, this is my girlfriend. Maybe send me a nudie shot. There's a classic drop right there. Can we run that back? Can we run that back?

1:16:42As soon as, like, okay, Jay. No repeat. Jay. Yes. How do we, like, transfer this to have? Oh. No repeat. No problem. I've got it covered. She sold this. She gave it everything in her guts. Yeah, she did. She gave it everything. Oh, boy. Santa cutie. Santa cutie. If you're just tuning in, you are listening. to a private recording of Lauren singing for her boyfriend in the bathroom for Christmas, Santa Baby. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for this recording. Thank you. Oh, boy. She's going to vomit. She's going to throw up. What is the matter with me? Oh, you cannot find gold like that, dude. Definitely. Like, what the heck?

1:18:53That takes gonads to be able to do that. I bet you there's a big finish. I bet you there is. She's shaking. Oh, look at her. I've never seen her like this. Something's coming. You got it. You got it. I just gave it to you real good. She's shaking. Solid gold. She looks like she's got assaulted. We got to run it back. No, no, no, no, no. That's not part of the deal. You're my hero, Lauren. You're my hero. You're my hero, too. I'm so hot. Oh, that was great. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, it was a mistake. No, no. It won't turn off. It won't turn off. I can't stop it. It's not. I can't stop it. Uh-oh. Jeremy, we need you. Jeremy. We can't make it stop. It's not stopping. Jeremy, it just won't stop.

1:20:19Oh my gosh. What's wrong with it? I don't know. I'm getting Jeremy right now. I'm getting Jeremy. It must be stuck. Even her scalp is blushing. I'm not kidding her. She's beet red. Scale of 1 to 10, how hard is this? 11. It's so much worse than I remembered. It's so much worse. I haven't listened to that in, I don't know, two years or however long it's been. Three years, man. I don't know what was worse, me trying to hit the notes or me trying to be like, I definitively know my favorite part. Yeah, it's so great.

1:21:20There's something there I gotta hear again. No. Yeah, there's something. Hold on. I'll tell you what it is. Check off my Christmas list. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Question. Yes. When you recorded it, did you bop your shoulders back and forth? Oh, wow. Wow. Might there have been a leg kick in there? There was no leg kick, but I definitely was like swaying. Like, yeah. Where were you sitting? I was standing. You were standing? I heard it's better to stand when you sing. It is, but holy cow. So great. What made you do this in the first place? Where were you when you were like, hey, here we go? I was dating Matt, who is a musician. He always, because I sing like in the car, in the shower and stuff like that, but I would never sing in front of him because I was like, no way. I can't sing. I'm embarrassed. You're like a professional singer. I'm not going to do it. Yeah. He'd be like, come on, just let me hear something. I'm like, no, no, no. So I was like, I know what I'll do. I'll do like a little sultry like kind of a joke, but kind of serious There's something we need to isolate My life I feel like

1:23:04How is this my life? Lauren just said, that's disgusting. I feel like I walked out into a field and kicked over a rock and oil shot out of the ground. This huge oil. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, you guys. Oh, my God. You guys. Call the bank. We're millionaires. I'm going to pass out. Holy. Gary just called. He wants you to be the opener for the anniversary bash. Oh, my gosh. I'm so hot. Why is it so hot in here? I'm sweating. M1 x-ray from El Cajon. Hey, guys. What's up? What's going on? Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Go ahead. I just want to show you guys are doing great things. And Lauren, don't sweat it. In the words of Simon Cowell, do you? He said don't sweat it. Ironically enough, I'm sweating 10 pounds out already. She is sweating. M1 Scott from Temecula. And I got two things I want to say. Oh, my gosh. All right, here you go. First of all, how you doing? Oh, yeah. Santa cutie. Number two, I got to tell you the truth, Lauren. If my girlfriend had done that for me, I would have went and bought a wedding ring for her. Wow. Nice. Oh, thank you. I would have broken up with her, but that's just me. I would have called the police. I'd have called the police.

1:24:30I'd have called the police. She's lost her mind. Santa cutie. Santa honey. M1 Gus from Chula Vista. What's up? Just like to thank you for the show. It's a great show. You guys do a really great job. Thank you. I'd like to thank Lauren for this great birthday present you just gave me. Happy birthday. It is the greatest. It is the greatest. It is the greatest. Don't sweat it like the other guys. Put yourself out there and send this to somebody you care about. Every guy listening right now is like, I gotta admit, it'd be pretty hot. Oh my gosh. Oh, thank you. Except for me. You made me feel better. Except for me, but I think that it takes a giant pair of bowls to do this a little bit. I've never sweated this much in my whole life. I know. Not even when I ran the half marathon. M1 Leonidas from La Mesa. Brilliant.

1:25:32Lauren O'Brien. Oh, my gosh. Who knew you came with a side of Austin sauce? I love it. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. That was pure classy. And to think my birthday is on Christmas, that sucks to be me. Weird. Yeah. You can bet that I'm going to call in and have you sing that live for me. No. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We should do. You know how like on American Idol when a guy wins and then he goes, they come back. Right. We're going to have to do maybe even for the Mikey Show Marathon. The Mikey Show Marathon. We'll do that. I think I would pass out. Unless I had a couple cocktails. We'll get you a couple cocktails. It'd be fun. She had to take. For the record, Lauren came here today wearing a sweater. Yep. She had to take it off. Yeah. She's literally shaking. I have a tanked up on. I'm not. She's nude right now. She's literally shaking. She's nude. So hot. She is visibly. Look at that. Yeah. It's mortifying, LLB. I'm going to give you that. I would be mortified. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Woods, what's mortifying? Don't you dare, Mikey. About this. Private recording. It's amazing. Private. Private. Two years ago. Only me and you, baby.

1:27:01Santa Cruz. Double entendre. Real good. Here's the big finale. Unbelievable. Holy cow. Absolutely. Incredible. Radio history, everybody. Maybe one of my... It is definitively my favorite moment that we've had. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. I'm so glad it's over. Oh my gosh. But LLB. You realize it's only just beginning. It just started. It just started. The Mikey Show will be right back. Following his message. Oh my gosh. Holy cow. Holy cow. Holy cow. What'd I do? I don't know. You gotta go to the song that you like to play. I did. Is it Santa Baby? No. I had this all queued up. I don't know what happened. Here we go.

1:29:14That's a really good song. I love it. Isn't that great? Remember this video with Johnny Depp in it? I do. It's so good. It's a big Johnny Depp guy. Word of the day is slimy, which I have not said yet. I'll work that into a sentence between now and 10. When I do, need you to call us and be caller 9, and we'll give you four packet tickets to go to SeaWorld worth $236. So there was a... Really terrible thing that happened on Friday here in town, here in San Diego. And it was an elementary school here in town. There was a shooting at an elementary school here in town. And it was a 41-year-old guy. And was it 41? Yeah, he's 41. It was Kelly Elementary in Carlsbad. And this guy ended up shooting.

1:30:17Two girls, they're okay. Yeah, grazed them. Yeah, grazed both of them. Thankfully. And they were taken to Rady Children's Hospital. They're okay. Yes, they're okay. And on the phone with us, Scott Chandler. Are you there, Scott? I'm here. Scott, you live across the street? I do. I live across the street. So what time did this happen? Right at lunchtime. Basically, you know, after the few rainy days that we had, it was the first nice day, and I was out in the driveway doing some work on a personal watercraft. And keep in mind, this school, my daughter just graduated from this school, they do outside assemblies every Friday. Wow. So all the kids bring out a little piece of carpet, they sit down, they give out, they do the good merit awards and do anything, and they're always doing all kinds of extra stuff for the kids.

1:31:20Tony Hawk's a friend of mine, his kids went to this school. He set up his half pipe there. They do all kinds of cool stuff for the children, all kinds of assembly stuff. And so I did hear the first gunshot, and I ran across the street. And my house sits up about 50 feet above the school. Now, when you heard it, did you immediately identify it as a gunshot, or did you think it was something else? No, you know, there's a guy down the street that has some old cars, and I'm kind of like, backfire. That sounded like a gunshot. And then I'm thinking, okay, some kid bought a firecracker to school. Right. You know, which would be, you know, elementary school would be kind of maybe typical. So then I heard a second fire right when I was walking across the street. The street's not too far, and I can kind of see from my driveway down into the schoolyard. So when I got over to the second fire, the kids' chaos. You know, at lunchtime, you got 150, 200 kids out on the playground just beelining, everybody scattering, screaming.

1:32:21And I'm thinking to myself, oh, they're doing a simulated school shooting thing. It's a drill. Then it was kind of bang, bang, bang, and the loudspeaker was everybody locked down. Everybody reported to their rooms. I could hear over the intercoms. I could hear the bell ring. The great thing was I could always walk across the street. I wouldn't even have to walk across the street and see my daughters playing at school for so many years. They graduated now, but that's pretty much how close I lived to the school. I'm sitting here trying to assess the situation going, God, look at me. You even got the guy dressed up pretty good, like a bad guy. What did he look like? He was all dressed in black. So it kind of reminded me of the guys that did the bank robbery up in L.A., but he wasn't wearing all the armored stuff. Just black. T-shirt, sweatshirt. Like a black hoodie, black pants. Got it. Later, after I had run down the hill and the rest of the story unfolds, I knew exactly what he was wearing.

1:33:23It was hard to tell. As things started getting out, as the kids all ran in separate directions and scattering, I really didn't see anybody laying there. So I'm going, okay, it is a simulation because it must be blanks. But now there was a few adults. You normally don't see. There's usually a few supervisors, teachers or whatnot, and the same security lady that does the crosswalk at the bottom of the street for many, many years. I'm sitting here watching, and then there's... Four or five guys all running around, kind of tucking around corners. And I'm like, oh, they're playing it out pretty well. It was kind of like when you were a kid and you went and saw one of the fake Western gun shootout type things. Yeah, like at Six Flags or something. Right. Yeah. Yeah, Knott's Berry Farm thing. I'm going, you know, Miss Armstrong, who's been a principal there for the past few years, does a great job. I mean, she should have warned us about this because someone's going to freak out and call the cops. Until I heard the men start screaming and a couple F-bombs being dropped, I'm like, okay, they don't use those words in an assembly. Right.

1:34:24You know, and go, oh, this is for real. So I'm trying to hit 911 on my phone, and my wife had run over across the street behind me going, what's going on down there? You know, get back. Go get the keys to the car. Can you see the guy at this point? I could see him. You know, I could see all the guys, but I could kind of see the guy with his hand out. So I knew which guy was shooting. Oh, wow. I could see which guy was shooting and shooting kind of all around, and I could cut. I couldn't really see, like, smoke coming out of the gun, but I could see he was the guy that was kind of holding the gun out. And so I start kind of down this hill from my house across the street. The schoolyard starts so that nobody really ever parks over there. It's a sidewalk that I've walked my kids down many times at the bottom gate to go to school. There's a eucalyptus tree about every 50 feet. And they're pretty big. I'm running from kind of one tree to another tree kind of and then staying kind of lower. I didn't have to worry too much about a stray bullet coming up there. And I've seen these guys kind of run around. The shooting stopped. There's a lot of screaming and yelling, and I'm trying to go, okay, what's going on? Who are all these guys? And now I'm figuring maybe it was – I live in a great neighborhood. The school is great. Gang shooting where some guy ran into the school, help, help. These guys are chasing me. You don't know what's going on. I don't know who's who. And all these guys got guns. Is it a shootout? So I get further down the hill. All of a sudden they start running across the field towards the fence that I'm at, and I'm still about 20 yards up.

1:35:52the hill a little ways from where they're at i got down to one of the only cars that was parked down there there was a few cars parked and one of them ended up being his car but i got behind this white car as he came over he jumps over the fence guy jumps over the fence behind him and all of a sudden from behind from behind to my left a black truck comes skidding up in and comes to a stop now i'm thinking this is his body picking him up these guys are in a full shootout so i'm trying not to get caught in a crossfire and And at the same time, my brain's trying to go, you know, what the heck's going on? At that point, I popped up over the car. There's a couple guys. I see them kicking, you know, just kicking and punching. And, you know, why are you shooting? You know, what are you, you know, aiming at them? So I'm going, okay, they got the shooter. They got the guy that was shooting the gun. So I run over there to help. One guy broke his hand. The other guy, they're both sitting there. I help kind of hold his legs up behind his head. One guy's got his knee on the back of his head. We had him pinned down. They got the gun away. These guys have been doing construction. There's been construction going on at the school since the day the kids got out of school. They were supposed to have been done. I guess a couple of the teachers I talked to were like, yeah, they're pretty mad because they didn't finish on the day they were. Well, now they're very, very happy that they didn't finish because these were the construction workers that were pouring some cement to finish up some work in the kitchen that happened to be there. Saw what was going on and started chasing this guy when he was trying to throw his quick. It was a free.

1:37:2157 revolvers, so he's trying to throw one of those. He had a quick loader, a reloader. And as we had him on the ground, there's just bullets coming out of his pants. He had a lot of extra rounds, boxes, little boxes of bullets all in his pants, and maybe a flashlight, some electrical stuff. It's hard to remember everything he had on him. And one of the guys was like, yeah, there's a gas can. He had a gas can way over there. So now I'm thinking, okay, this guy was a construction worker that came back and had a problem with his boss. I'm still trying to figure out what the heck's going on. And I'm yelling at him, why are you shooting kids? Why are you shooting kids? And with the knee on the back of his head, he looked kind of up at me and just had the Charlie Manson eye. What did he look like? He had kind of shortish salt and pepper hair. His sweatshirt was kind of up. Like I said, the side of his head was pretty much covered with a knee and a butt. At that point, too, the guy, the construction driver that was driving the truck, the construction worker that was driving the truck, had the .357 in his hand. Now he's standing up, standing there, and I'm like, hold on, put the gun down, put the gun down. He wanted to shoot the guy. But I know some of my neighbors have guns, so I'm thinking they're going to see him across the street. So I'm thinking, put the gun down, because if someone's going to shoot me, the police are going to pull up, and that's evident. So he puts the gun down, gets it about 15 feet away. First patrol car comes screaming up in there.

1:38:50I'm like, shooter's right here. Next patrol car's right behind him. I tell him the weapon's over there. You might want to, you know, clear that. At that time, I look over and I see Miss Armstrong, who's the principal, halfway out on the field. She's probably 30, 40 yards away. So I screamed at her, is everybody okay? Did anybody get hit? And she said, I don't know. So I jumped the fence. I went over to her and said, look, some people don't ever, you know, there's people that get shot that don't even know they get shot. So I'm saying, you know. We should do a quick, you know, soap of the grounds and make sure there's nobody around the corner. And one of the kids didn't run around the corner, and they're hit. So I start running around, and she's like, they're not going to open the doors. They're in lockdown status. The teachers won't open the doors. And remember, it's lunchtime, so some of the classrooms are empty. Some of them don't even have teachers in them. You know, these kids were all out at lunch. So I'm running around and knocking on windows saying, hey, I'm a good guy. If you're hurt in there, just knock back. I know you don't have to open the door. And I got around inside all the portables.

1:39:51saw a pretty heavy blood trail. And so that's when it hit me, my stomach kind of tensioned. I'm like, oh, no. So I read out 911 at that time and got through to them and was like, we're going to need paramedics. Somebody's hit. Somebody's hurt. We're talking to Scott Chandler, who was one of the first people. He lives right there where this shooting happened in Carlsbad. And he was one of the first people to actually come on to see and run up to what was going on. How far, Scott? Was he from the kids when you saw him? He was basically right in the middle of them. Okay, so we're talking five feet? We're talking five feet, five 15 feet away from kids. Yeah. You know, I think some of them were kind of cleared up. By the time the first shot went off, they kind of scattered, but they were still within 15, 20 feet when I saw them. You know, and I think it was one of the construction guys with the nail guns. Right, right. Did they use a nail gun or, you know, whatever? So, I mean, really close. And he just kind of aiming around, firing. Did you ever hear the sound of his voice? No. He grunted. So you never heard him say anything? He never answered any questions when you were talking to him? Even when I put his, the first officer there had him, and he got his handcuff on, I think it was his left hand. And he's like, give me your other hand, give me your other hand. So I grabbed his other hand and pulled it down his back so he could cuff it.

1:41:17And I still was like, why are you shooting kids? You know, I kept, I was upset at the time. And the police officer said, you know, don't even talk to them. So that's when I proceeded to jump the fence and go, you know, help the principal. But I did, you know, follow the bloodshot. I did find the room they were at. I got the principal, came around the corner. We opened the door. I saw what appeared to be two females that were in stable condition. which was a relief. And at that time I said, okay, hold on, I'm going to run back out front and let them know we need paramedics. I have 911 on the line. So I ran out front. There's some more patrol cars that pulled out front. Now the police are running around with AR automatic weapons. And I said, hey, we need paramedics quickly in room 13. They go, well, we just got a report of injured. I go, there are injured. I've seen. Because at first they didn't think anybody was injured. Everybody needs to get in a room or they're going to be detained or shot. I had black shorts on a black shirt and a black hat. I didn't look too much like a teacher. I didn't want to get myself in trouble. I was with the principal. I went in the office. They had five kids in there that were in a bathroom that they pulled in there. The lunch lady down there, I went to school with. Her mom was my lunch lady. This is Mikey, right? Yeah.

1:42:35I used to do the syrupy part with you. Yeah, I know. As soon as Jay said it was Scott Chandler, I was like, oh, wow, I can't believe Scott Chandler had this happen. So he just happened to live across the street. So anyway, I'm locked down in the office, and I got a few people, friends calling me, what's going on over by your house? And then the phone, they're texting me, I'm like, we're in lockdown, there was a shooting. NBC somehow, I think it was NBC that called. Got my number and knew I was in there. And they were like, look, the parents are all freaking out. Nobody knows what's going on. So I started doing kind of a live thing from inside there. Saying, you know, this is the deal. If you haven't been notified, your kid's safe. Because, you know, your kids might be going to elementary school and you don't know what's going on. For sure. They just said there was an incident. Come take your, you need to go to this park. There's a park directly behind the school. You know, meet there. The kids are going to be released there. And people at the time didn't know what was going on. They didn't know whether it was, you know, the police had to do their thing and make sure there wasn't another shooter. Clear the whole school grounds. Being that he had the gas can and the propane tank by his car, pretty much throws it into almost a terrorist threat where the FBI, you got FBI, alcohol, tobacco, firearms, everybody there. Pretty much chaos for a nice, mellow, nice neighborhood. Did you see when they put him in the squad car? I did. I left.

1:43:55You were going down and handcuffed. That's when I jumped the fence. You know, I do lifeguarding, high surf rescue. So my natural reaction was, okay, deal with injured. If there's injured, you know, what can you do to help till the paramedics get here if somebody is hurt? Right. And I have a good relationship with the staff. The staff, the principal, they had Tressie Armstrong, the principal, and they had Secretary Barth. They did a great job. I know they prepare for stuff like this. until it happens, and to get, you know, a lot of people were shaken up, but they did a really good job. The police did a good job as far as, you know, blocking everything off. Now, this incident happened at noon. What time did you walk back into your house? I think it was after a block. They released us to this back park. There's special education at the school, so you have kids in wheelchairs, and you have, and I believe that's where they took the injured students. was back into one of the special ed rooms, which is in the very back, far left corner of the school, where I followed the blood trail, even. And it's kind of in the back, right by the principal's office and the nurse's office. Scott, what time, you know, those are, that is amazing stuff. You experienced something that most of us will never, ever experience, and we don't want to, but, you know, quick thinking on your part, what time did you fall asleep? You know, I tried to lay down.

1:45:27Crime scene. down to my house. But it was hours after I got released into the park with the kids. I couldn't even get back around to my house. I want you to do something, Scott. I want you to try to fast forward the clock 20 years from now. 20 years from now, what is the image that you will never forget? Into a crowd of kids and his eye. His eyes. When I looked into his eye, yeah. Unbelievable still. Unbelievable. Great work, man. Yeah, thank you. Hey, Scott, thank you, man. Thank you for coming on. No problem, Mikey. Appreciate it, man. Thank you very much. Man, if you've never seen the pictures of this guy surfing, you should check out Scott Chandler. I linked it on there. The guy is a maniac, big wave surfer. That's awesome. What a great job he did, man. Just didn't even think about it. Man, that is... All those guys, heroes. Really, really unbelievable. Good for them.

1:46:59Haven't said the word of the day yet. Word is slimy. So when I weave that into a sentence real sweetly, you call. Hot or not. Blondie? Old Blondie? Yeah. That's a good one, Woods. Wait, let's stop everything. Stop the presses. Stop everything. Blondie back in the day. Hot or not. Inner prime. Debbie Harry, Inner Prime. She's cute. Hot. Hot. I don't know. Because if I say no, if I say not, I'm like, that's not right, is it? I don't think that's right. I don't think that's the correct answer. Without the power of the mic, though, I think she was just ordinary. She was cute. What about Chrissy Hynde from The Pretenders? You're just being a... I'm not. I'm asking. Yeah, you are. Some men find her attractive. You're trying to be a clown.

1:48:48What about Stevie Nicks back in the day? Smoking hot. Smoking hot. Smoking hot. Even if she's smoking, then you've got to think Blondie's hot. I think Blondie's hot. I wouldn't say smoking hot. Smoking hot. Back when the Buckingham Knicks era? Smoking. Dude, you're going before Fleetwood Mac. Yeah. Yeah, you know, four people in our audience know that. Do that. Yeah. No, you're right. Idiot. But everybody knows who Stevie Nicks is. It doesn't matter what band she was in. They know who she is. Clown. She was pretty. Gorgeous. Drop dead. Sang like an angel. That definitely gives you more hotness factors. Yeah. That's how I got a lot of girls. Power of the mic. Cheated. Power of the guitar. Who cheated? Stevie Nicks. I thought that Lindsay cheated. She cheated. She was a dirt McGirt, for sure. Oh, yeah. Hurts when girls cheat. Sweet little lies. Yeah, tell me lies. That was Christy. Christy McBee. It's okay. Secondhand news. Still works. That's Lindsay. No, it's Lindsay. Oh, wow. There you go. Hey, if you're just tuning in. I was just naming Fleetwood Mac. If you're just tuning in. Oh, my God. It's over. Oh, my God. Did you load that onto your iTunes? Yes. I'd like a copy. No. Yeah, I'd like a copy. For sure. We should sell that. You guys, that's private. You guys, that is private. That is not what we agreed on. Well.

1:50:20We agreed one break. Things changed. We didn't agree on anything. I did in my head. In your head. Breach of contract. This is a breach of contract. That's LOB singing Santa Baby in a bathroom. To her boyfriend. To her boyfriend. She was approximately a 27-year-old woman. Yeah, something like that. Just a couple years ago. Yep. Why must you do this? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you, sir. amazing my friend sarah texted me and she's like i thought you were gonna say you were like 17 no nope i was a grown woman i was a 27 year old woman independent woman grown woman yeah i was not a girl i was a woman i was a woman and i am i and you know you want to know something else i made the conscious decision yes to do this nobody had a gun to my head oh i had to like

1:51:23Download the instrumental version. Download, like, the real one so I could have it in my ear so I could sing along with it. The lyrics. The lyrics. Like, there was a lot. It was not a spur at the moment. Because nobody knows any of the words to Santa Baby, but Santa Baby. Yeah, exactly. Hurry down the chimney. I know I was reading some of them, but I was like, forget to mention. That's so awesome. That's platinum mine. What? Oh, so good. It's the best. Okay. Incorporator. Uh-huh. Yeah. We're going to do the Incorporator. Here is what I would like to ask of you, Woods. Yes. I would like to ask you to do a voice. Okay. Maybe do this. I'll do a voice. Maybe do that voice? Maybe do this when you call. That's the Incorporator. Am I going to offend some people? Oh, boy. Oh, kid. I'll chew you up real good. Bitch out. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to have Woods leave the room. He will not be able to hear you call in and give us words. Woods, describe the type of words you want. Just regular words. Just words. Words that would be tough in a sentence. Like, you know, scholarship. It's a good one. Candy bar.

1:52:44You know, things that aren't like... I'm calling a business. So things that you normally wouldn't say. Yeah, I can't say like... But please tell people what you don't want. What I don't want are things like... Butt face. Things that would offend the person. I don't want to offend them. And that wouldn't happen. Dirty words. Dirty words, made up words. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It's stupid. You know it's stupid if you have it in your head. You know what I want. What we want is stuff like gorilla. Yeah. If you have to question it, just don't call. What about tire iron? Tire iron. Perfect. I mean, all that stuff is great. Okay. Just stuff that, why would I be calling, why would I mention cough drop in a sentence to this guy? You know what I mean? Right. So cough drop would be good. That's the hard, right. That's the hard part of doing it is I got to work them in seamlessly, much like you and your word of the day. Yes. But on a much bigger scale. Yeah. You're doing it. You're going to add eight words. Eight words. All right. I'll get. I think I'm going to do Garrett, by the way. Our program director. Should I? You like that move? Why? Because you're afraid you would offend people if you talk like this?

1:53:57Yes. Okay. No, I'll do it. Yeah. No, you can do whatever you want. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. We're calling Discount Tire. Oh, then perfect. I'll do the... Okay. Feminine voice. Oh, boy. Okay. The feminine voice. All right, let's get some words from people. No, see, this is a... No. No, no, no. Oh, gosh. No, Dane... It's medulla oblongata. Oh, yeah. See, and Woods is like, that's who you're saying. He's like, just make it a word. Right. You know, we're not looking for the words that go gooey, gaga, gaga. Yeah. I mean, even if it is real. Yeah, exactly. Even if it is real. But how often would someone say a word like that? Right. Like you can use the word gorilla. Yeah. You know, you're not trying to think of words that are like tongue twisters. That's not what we're going for. Let's see. M1 Kevin. Let's see. Oh, I didn't have one. There you go. Kevin, what's your word? Good word. It's great. All right. Thank you. You got it, man. Thank you. Let's see. M1. Let's see here. M1. Who is this? M1 Dane. Are you there? Good one. Thank you. M1 Lizzie from San Diego.

1:55:39I have a rug burn. Good one. Very good. Thanks. Very good. See, you're hearing great examples now. This is exactly what we're going for. M1 Chris, what's your word? Chris, are you there? Oops, sorry. That was my fault. Go ahead, Chris. Can you hear me now? Yeah. Platypus. Good one. Good one. Cool. Thanks. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's see. M1 Trav. From San Diego, what's yours? What's up, guys? How about rain gutter? That's good. Oh, yeah. Thank you very much. All right, guys. Let's see. Mikey Show, who's this? Oops. Mikey Show, who's this? Toya? Yeah. What's your word? Can we do a phrase? Can we do this one for the ladies? No, it's too tough.

1:56:43We're looking for a word, a normal word. Give me a normal word. Something random. What do you see as you look out your car window? Merge. What? Merge. Oh, good. Good. I like it. Thank you. M1 Simone. What's your word? Love it. Love it. Thanks. That'll work. And finally, M1 Harold. How about blood blister? It's good. It works. Thank you very much. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to run down the words and tell you what the words are so that the audience at least knows what we're working with here. The words that Woods has to work into a sentence will be wasabi, cornea, rug burn, platypus, rain gutter, merge, pillow fight, and blood blister. All right.

1:57:54And we're calling a discount tire. Come on in. All right, Woodsy. You want your first word? Woodsy always gets the first word. Yeah, first word is. Your first word is wasabi. Okay. Okay? We're calling a discount tire. And here we go. The person will not be able to hear me, only Woods. Hey, wasabi, my brother. How are you? I'm doing very well. Good, good. My name is Jack. I need some help today if you've got a second. Certainly, sir. How can we help you? Well, I need to get several. I have several cars in need of tires. I wanted to try to make it in today. I've got a ruptured cornea. This is a little bit of a wild weekend if you catch my drift. Absolutely. I've got rug burns all over my knees, my legs. It's been a very, very long weekend. You guys are open all day, I assume? Are open all day. Okay. Yeah, I had a giant.

1:59:27party this week and it was like a pool party I had all sorts of animals and people were hanging out a guy brought a platypus to my house it was unbelievable my rain gutter fell down hit me right in the head Well, I've got three cars in need of new tires. I was driving one. I tried to merge with another car. We bumped tires. I got a flat in that one. It was, I mean, I've had like the worst week you could ever imagine. So you guys have all different varietals of tires, correct? Yes. Okay. We have all these. Okay. Now, what's like your best? best-selling? Because I don't want to spend too much money. Okay, okay. Yeah, because one of my friends is having a big pillow fight this weekend, a big party, and I want to make sure that I can make it over there. Obviously. Does that make sense? Okay, good. Well, I've got, you know, there's several things. Mark, are you on the phone? I'm on the phone. Shut up. So, hang on.

2:00:44Dude, that's a blood blister. Don't pop my blood blister. Just leave me be. Your feet look terrible. Leave me be. I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. I work with feet. I know what I'm doing. My friend is here, and he is driving me crazy. Is that? Are you in the house? Get off. Get off. I have to use it. Get off the phone, you a-hole. Okay, but I have to use the phone. Fine. I'm almost done. Hurry up. Is that it? I have to go. I have to let you go. I'm sorry. I'll be in. I'm sorry. I've got to let... Yes, you. Yes, you. I have to let you go. I've got to let you go. I'm going to call you back. I'm going to call you back. Give me ten minutes, okay? I want to find out about the tires. Okay. Okay, bye. Get out of here. Wow. That's an interesting twist. You never told me that was the last one. I didn't know. That was the last one. Is that it? Yeah. Wood's just looking at me like, what's the next word? What's the next word? What's the next word? That was good. I would have loved to have been in that store. No kidding. He's like, what the hell? He is calling everyone he knows right now. He's probably pointing at the phone, like trying to tell people or like putting it on speaker. You know those places are always packed. It's always a circus too. He's probably like, come on, man. What do you need? There's a guy in front of him waiting to leave his car there. Tapping his foot. He's listening to you.

2:02:19You use all the hot water. You got a rug burns. You got a ruptured cornea. Yeah, man. Blood blister. Don't. I have a blood blister. I want to party at your house, man. Yeah, the rain gutter fell in the head. Oh, wow. Oh, the old Incorporator. It's the funnest, isn't it? Mike, that's like what you like to do to Woods in the restaurant. Yeah, it's his new bit now that I taught him. It's fun. You do it, too. You did it. Oh, dude, he did it at that. You do it in the background of the phone, but Mike does it in person, too. Yeah. Well, Woods did it to me at the airport. No, no, you did it when we went to have lunch last week at that bowl place where they serve the rice bowls. You started it, though. I did? Mike did, yeah. He did? The in-person bit. Oh, yeah, you started the in-person bit. I never did that before, but I'm going to know. I hate it when he touches me. Yeah, he loves it. Like, I don't go that far.

2:03:19Oh, I do. I try to hold his hand. He tried to hold my hand. I get so mad. He gets so mad. M1 Monkey Butt wrote in and says, hands down, 100% the best incorporator ever. Thanks, Monkey Butt. That was fun. I can't believe that. He's like, why do I work here? Why did I have to answer this call? By the end of it, it was like, no one would believe me. Can't even. Best day ever. Oh, wow. Let's see. Do we have the Christine O'Donnell commercial? Yes, we do. Okay, so this is the real ad running on television for Christine O'Donnell, who's running for Senate in Delaware, who about 10, 15 years ago was on Politically Incorrect and said that she used to be a witch when she was in high school. She used to dabble. Dabble. And so, you know, Bill Maher found that and... replayed it, and it became big news that Christine O'Donnell had said this. So she put this television ad out. I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you. This is real. Yeah, I'm you, except I'm a witch. A lot of people might hear this right now and go, oh, that's funny. Yeah. This is real. A real ad. Yeah, it's a real ad. None of us are perfect, but none of us can be happy with what we see all around us.

2:04:49Politicians who think spending, trading favors, and backroom deals are the ways to stay in office. I'll go to Washington and do what you'd do. I'm Christine O'Donnell, and I approve this message. Here is Christine, or excuse me, Kristen Wiig on Saturday Night Live spoofing that. I'm Christine O'Donnell, and I'm not a witch. I'm nothing like you've heard. I'm you. And just like you, I have to constantly deny that I'm a witch. Isn't that what the people of Delaware deserve? A candidate who promises first and foremost that she's not a witch? That's the kind of candidate Delaware hasn't had since 1692. And that's why, if elected to the Human Senate, I promise to fly straight down to Washington on a plane. That's exactly what you would do.

2:05:52not spells. Besides, if I were a witch, why wouldn't I just cast a spell making all of you forget that I'm a witch? It's certainly not because the spell requires one newt per person and I lack a sufficient number of newts. I know the problems facing our nation because I've been living among you since I moved to Delaware from the Black Forest of Germany almost 3,000 years ago. So this November 2nd, vote for Christine O'Donnell, a.k.a. Zereta the Enchantress, because I'm not a witch. And if I am, do you really want to cross me? I didn't think so. Paid for by the coven to elect Christine O'Donnell. The coven! That's pretty funny. That is funny. She's hysterical. She is. Oh my gosh, that's funny, dude. I haven't seen Saturday Night Live in about 55 years. I know, right? Really? I watch it every week. I watch it all the time. I see snippets of it on Hulu. Good cast? Yes. Well, I mean, it's all relative, man. You know, Kristen Wiig is one of the best ever. Best thing that ever happened to Saturday Night Live is DVR. Because you get into a bad bit and you're just like, bzzz. Yep. Next. She's one of the, like, she's...

2:07:08Top 10 of all time. Really? She's so funny. That's great because, you know, they become movie stars. Jamie and I, she gets up, you know, like she tickles our funny bone. We will die laughing with her stuff. I'm half and half on her. Some of her characters, I'm like. I'm all the way in. Seeing how Rick Sanchez got fired from CNN for his comments about Jews. Yes. When our Good Morning America talked about it. Oh, boy. By the way, have you heard all the controversy about Jerry Brown allegedly calling Meg Whitman a whore? We have audio of someone who works for the LAPD that overheard it. And we'll also hear from Meg Whitman advisor. What's next? Woods says that Jeff Bridges is going to be playing a concert up in the Bay Area where he's actually going to perform as Bad Blake.

2:08:27from his Oscar-winning performance in Crazy Heart. That's a rumor, man. I was talking to our phone screener, Will, and he said he heard it. I looked it up. He will be playing at the Bridge School of Benefit, which is so rad. October 23rd and 24th, it's Pearl Jam, Buffalo Springfield, Modest Mouse, Neil Young, Merle Haggard, Chris Christopherson, Grizzly Bear, Billy Idol, Jackson Brown. That's incredible. Are you kidding me? Unreal. Elton John. Elton John. Elton John. Dude, all I know is I hope that Jeff Bridges does it in full Bad Blake. Like Joaquin Phoenix style? Yes. It would be so cool to see that. Slimy hair. Yeah. Big old beard. Maybe he does a tour. You know what I'd pay? I'd pay two bills to see that show. Oh, to see him do Bad Blake. And all the other people. Oh, yeah. It's an insane lineup. I'd pay $500 to see that lineup. Yeah. That's filthy. It's amazing. That's an amazing lineup.

2:09:28To see him doing that, oh, that'd be awesome. 570-1949 is our number, if you want to give us a call. FM 94.9's eighth anniversary bash. I told our program director, Garrett, that I would, he asked me if I would sing a song. I said, I will. Yeah! I'm so happy that you will. It'll be Saturday, November 13th, 4th and B, downtown San Diego. Hold Steady, The Night Marchers, New Politics. And tickets are $26. No additional fees and a dollar every ticket goes to about the music fund. And Mikey will be singing. And that means L.O.B. and I will be singing back up. And Sienna as well. Oh, that's right. I'll be in South Carolina. What's he has to go to a wedding? I'll miss you guys. Yeah, I'm in a wedding. My best friend Gabe is marrying his sweetheart, Brittany. There you go. M1 Paco from San Marcos. What was the word of the day? Well done, my friend. Hang on the line. Just won a four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld worth $236. Our boy Jared is so amazing when it comes to doing graphic design. If you go to his website, createyourdesignonline.com, you can see all the incredible stuff that he does. He did my business cards.

2:10:59did our billboards, does our website. Incredible when it comes to graphic design, and you can hire him. And he does work really fast. That's the other incredibly awesome thing about him and what he can do. So, yeah, give him a call. I really love the Woods of Wisdom today, and I'm like, should we save it? Should we do it today? What should we do? I thought we were going to save it. I don't want to do it so bad. All right, we'll save it. All right. Okay, I told you that I had this audio of Rick Sanchez. Rick Sanchez, the guy that got fired from CNN. Quarterback of the Jets, too. Mark Sanchez. Oh. Different guy. That's right. Here he is talking about what got him fired. And Rick Sanchez joins us. Now I know this has not been the easiest week for you, but you're still smiling. It's tough. I screwed up, George. What happened on that radio show? I was tired. I'd been working 14-hour days for like two and a half months. I was doing three shows. I was exhausted. It was right after the air. My daughter had a softball game I desperately wanted to go to, and I was a little impatient. And I said some things that I shouldn't have said, and they were wrong. Not only were they wrong, they were offensive, and people who were offended by it.

2:12:32People thought they were anti-Semitic. Yeah, deserve to know that, first of all, that's not what I meant. Second of all, I apologize, and it was wrong for me to be so careless and so inartful. But it happened, and I can't take it back. And you know what? Now I have to stand up and be responsible for it, just like I teach my kids. Since when does being tired make you anti-Semitic? Might be the line of the day. That's a pretty good point. Listen, I'm exhausted. I can't stand Jews, but I'm really, really tired. So it's okay. How come you can't stand Jews because you're tired? Because I'm exhausted, man. Oh, I get it. Doesn't that make sense? Not really. I mean, you're tired. I'm beat. I get up at 3 o'clock in the morning, Mike. Question. If you take a nap, will you wake up and feel differently about Jews? Yes, absolutely. 100%. For instance, let's say right now you got to take a nine-hour snooze. Oh, yeah. Me and Jews. Thick as thieves at that point. But when you're cranky, don't bring it up. Can't stand Jews. Yeah. Right. But that's when you've worn yourself out. Yeah, I'm exhausted. In fact, can I just say this? It's probably a good indication that you're tired when you start to become anti-Semitic. That's absolutely right. If you guys see me getting anti-Semitic, I'd clear the hell out of my way if I were both of you. Or maybe just let you lay down or something. Yeah, neither of you guys are Jewish. Right. But if you were...

2:13:58Watch out. Does your wife kind of know and she's like, babe, you're becoming anti-Semitic. I get really, really anti-Semitic when I'm tired. I'm cranky. Do you roll into Best Western and go, oh man, I hope you have vacancy? Yeah, I need a nap. Because I hate me some Jews right now. Do you say that? I'm exhausted. I'm so tired. Back in college, cramming for a test. He would become so anti-Semitic sometimes that his parents would say, you know what, maybe you take a semester off. Yeah, I actually did. I took a year off. He became so anti-Semitic, he took a year off. Yeah, just need to rejuvenate. Just to rejuvenate. It's true. Sometimes you've got to shut the mother down, you know? It was my mistake. I screwed up. I take full responsibility. It's not CNN. It's Rick Sanchez. Rick Sanchez screwed up. I went in there with a chip on my shoulder. First person or third person? If I say Mike Esparza says. That's first person. First person. I was a little bit angry. And look, I will be honest with you. And I hope you don't mind. He's all, I will be honest. I do hate Jews. Yes, but I have to now apologize. Only when I'm tired. But when I'm tired, I do. When I'm tired. If I had slept, I wouldn't have hated them. No way would I have. My wife would tell you, when I'm well rested, I love Jews. Yeah. Am I saying this, but I'm just going to go ahead and say it. If you look at the landscape right now in our media.

2:15:25So is he going to say it again? Oh, boy, he's digging a hole. Oh, yeah. He's tired, though. I'm still exhausted. I've been doing so many interviews, and so many people have asked me about being anti-Semitic, and I'm just like, gosh, I'm tired, and yes. Yes, I am. Today, I am. Is that lox and bagels? Because if it is, I am out of here. Rick, shouldn't you get a nap, then, before we continue with this interview? Just eat your matzo ball soup. Yeah. Leave me alone, okay? Prime time. There's not a single Hispanic. There's not a single African-American in primetime hosting a primetime show in the United States. Which is 2020. I'm talking about it. He's given Rick Sanchez like 80 examples of it. What about Geraldo Rivera? Well, besides that. Besides George Lopez, he's not really primetime, but he does have his own show. Newscasts in cable news. How about if somebody's just qualified? How about that? Yeah. How about it doesn't matter if they're black or Mexican or whatever? Here sits. Mike Esparza. Yeah. A Mexican. A Mexican man. Our president is a minority as well. But, I mean, honestly, it shouldn't be like, I hate that bit of like, we've got to get more minorities in coaching. Coaching, yeah. What we need is a good coach. If the guy can coach, yeah. It doesn't matter if he's purple if he's a good coach. But I don't want to put, I don't want to force a particular race into something because we're trying to fill a quota. Right.

2:16:52You've got to get the qualified guy. That's true. That's fair. I'm referring to cable newscasts. In La Crosse, Wisconsin, there is not one Hispanic in prime time. That's what I'm saying. But in defense of La Crosse, Wisconsin media, Mr. Sanchez. That's what I'm saying. I understand. But in defense to their media, you know, there's not a large population, really. It doesn't matter. You fly them in. You fly them in. Things that are available. High definition in the 400 channels that I can DVR while my wife is still watching Desperate Housewives. That's the kind of broadcaster I'm talking about. That's what I meant. Got it. It's not magazine shows. There's not a single Hispanic, a single Asian American, or a single African American. On sitcoms, what about The Office, the character Oscar? Not only is he Mexican, he's gay. I'm talking... Guys that actually came from Mexico that are on sitcoms that are on ABC Family, things like that. But you're being very specific now. Okay, okay. I'm talking things like Nickelodeon, guys from Spain. Real Spaniards is what I mean. What I'm talking about is matadors from Spain.

2:18:17on the Cartoon Network. That's what I mean. And there is such a lack of it. I'm talking introducing bilingual programs to things like ESPN. Yes. Well, we have that. We have that, Mr. Sanchez. Oh, I'm sorry. We have ESPN, Deportes. I mean, on the actual ESPN, not the ESPN Deportes. Deportes. Deportes. Deportes. I'm not saying that. Sorry, I'm really tired still. Yeah. Connie Chung did have a show at CNN. There's a lot of people who... Yeah, but Connie Chung is Rick Sanchez. Yeah, but Connie Chung is a black guy. Connie Chung's married to a white guy, so that doesn't count. Cancels it out. Cancels it out. It's like offsetting penalties in the NFL. We should do a segment. It's like Rick Sanchez world. We've had shows a little bit in the past. I'm talking about right now, though, George. And I think it's significant, you know... He's like, by the way, George, what are you? He's Greek. He's like, Stephanopoulos, hello. Greek, man. Greek. So you do think... Where is... Rick's like, where is that? Yeah. Where is Greek? It's Greece. What? Greece. That's a film. It's a country. That's not a country. That's a form of lubricant. I do have some representatives. Well, it's interesting the way you put that. No, I was wrong to say that. And I was wrong to scapegoat Jon Stewart.

2:19:44I was feeling a little bit put out, and I was feeling a little sensitive, and I was looking at the landscape, and I was seeing that. And I externalized the problem and put it on Jon Stewart's shoulders, and I was wrong to do that. I haven't had my coffee yet. He is a Mexican man, right? He had his own show. What are you crying about? Because Jon Stewart criticized him a lot. Great. And so he was just irritated about Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart came up. But then why bring up the fact now, after he made his comment about Jews and whatever, why bring up now that there's no Mexicans? There's no, you know. Yeah, in context. In context, it doesn't make much sense. In fact, it's kind of a, wait, the word is? Contradiction? It's kind of a convicting statement. Yeah, sure. What's that word I'm looking for? I'm just going to go home. Conjugal visit? Conjugal. Conjugal visit. It's kind of a conjugal visit. I like that. I'm a computer slow. CNN didn't screw up. Rick Sanchez screwed up. Was he Deion Sanders? Yeah, Primetime screwed up. Primetime says that Primetime's going to play really good tomorrow night. If you want to see a real show...

2:21:10Watch tomorrow night. Monday Night Football, primetime going to put on a show. That's right. And you're primetime, right? Mm-hmm. I got it now. I'll be there too, man. You want to see the playmaker making some plays. That's right. Michael Irvin will be making some plays, man. Always. Tomorrow night, the playmaker is going to catch 100. I'm going to call my shot. Kind of like the kid doesn't like to be told what to do. That's right. Rick Sanchez was inartful. Rick Sanchez said something that may have been offensive. Rick Sanchez. unjustly accused Jon Stewart of being something he's not. I learned later that he's the classiest guy in the world when I called him. You know, if he hadn't made the caveat of all the excuses, it would have been more sincere. It's hard to apologize, you know. It's hard to apologize if what you said has to do with... you know, a belief. Yeah. It's easy to apologize if you made a mistake. Yes. You know, if you make a mistake, it's a mistake. But if I, if I say something that's like, that has to do with a belief, it's hard to apologize. You know, I agree. 5701949 is our number. Let's play. Yeah.

2:22:35Yes. Yay. 5701949. Love name that tune. You're going to pick me, Woods, or L.O.B. to represent you. I had an idea. I had an idea. Oh, no. Are you going to give an idea that I haven't heard yet? I have an idea. If this is an idea that I haven't heard. We should change the name of the game. To? Name that last tune. Oh, Woods is crying. We should call it name that last tune. Maybe we should. Who's the biggest whiner? Maybe. Why don't we call it who's the biggest whiner? How about who's the biggest wiener? A little bragger. I would win that one. Woods is upset because he'll do really well, and then Jay will say, all right, this last question's worth five points. Yeah. So let's just call it Name That Last Tune, and we just do one. All the marbles. Maybe you clean sweep it. If you're really good, Ella B, you agree? If you agree, I'll go. Okay. You agree. That's my point. All right, fine. That's my game. All right, fine. It does make it more interesting, though. It does. Which is really what matters. Maybe if it's neck and neck at the end. Woods, are you okay with that? If it's neck and neck at the end? Sure. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's not at all. Didn't you win once because we did that, Woods? Yeah, yeah, you did. Yeah, one win to nine losses. So you don't like that, even if it's close. I'm fine. I'm fine if you vote. No, let's make it. Let's just call it Name That Last Tune.

2:24:01All right, fine. We won't do the last thing. No, we can. What if it's never worth more than two points, but sometimes it can be like the two-point conversion? Like it. Fine by me. Yeah. Seems fair. Okay. The bit of, hey, man, I just got seven in a row, and I got a listener on hold that's stoked. Boring. That's boring. Why is that boring? He's stoked because he's going to take his kids to the wild animal park. That's like, well, why? Okay, that one guy is really happy. I knock through seven in a row, and then you come in with a five-pointer. Yeah. And I really drive it home? Mm-hmm. Why don't we do escalating points? First one's worth one. Next one's worth two, three, four, five, you know, whatever. That's kind of interesting. It makes it more like a game show or like a three-point challenge. You know, you got your money ball at the end. How many are we doing? There's 11 on there. Oh, wow. Look at that. Wow, that's a lot. Sweet. All right, we'll do it normal today. You know, I got it. Every once in a while, we'll throw in the wild. That'll be a wild card. Wild card. So most of the time, it's going to be normal. Every once in a while, we'll make the last one worth a lot of points. Or randomly in the middle. Yeah. Maybe next time, we just have a meeting out of the air, and we decide this. It's a pretty good idea. I don't know. It's like five, ten minutes of the radio. No, maybe we just bring it up on the air. I want to get the listener's perspective. M1 Jordan from San Diego. Who do you want?

2:25:18I want words. You know that. Hang in the line. M1 Chapo from La Mesa. Who do you want? I'll be. Wow. That's going to pay off today. M1 Blue. M1 Blue, you got me. I got the best, Mikey. All right, hang in the line. Hang on. Okay, what's the... Prize, Jay. Tickets to the Wild Animal Park. Okay, cool. And it's Chick Flicks. Top 10 Chick Flicks. So we're going to hear scenes from movies? I'm going to be very terrible at this. I probably will not be. I have a feeling you guys will be better than me, which will be sad for both of you. I think Woods will do pretty good. I think he will, too. Let's go. Here we go. We have a problem. About what? You ripped off those cheers. You've had the best squad around for years. Woods. Damn it. Oh! It's Jamie Presley. Oh, come on. Not Step Up. Lauren. Thank you. Lauren? Bring it on. Idiot. Woods gets a minus one. Lauren's got one. I got nothing. Here we go. See, that wasn't so scary. It was nothing. Okay. Let's try it again. Only this time... Lauren. I'm going to stick my... Cruel Intentions. Great movie. I'm glad you got it right then. Yep. You're welcome, Mikey. Wow.

2:26:47Yeah. Here we go. Wow. Impressed? You kidding me? I come here all the time. Well, color me happy. There's a sofa in here. Pretty woman. Damn it. I'm not doing very well. Mikey's just sitting there being real quiet. Look, I'm sorry if I've been... Not. Mikey. I don't think you're an idiot at all. Nodding hell. Yeah. Dang it. I had to take my shot. Yeah. I like you very much. Woods. Bridget Jones' Diary. That is sad. You know that. Woods is back at zero. Way to go. Woods. Woods. Yeah, go ahead. Wedding singer. That's a chick flick? Since when? I thought so, too. It is a chick flick. Really? All right, here we go. I'm not sure who you are, but I don't want you to have anything to do with those people again.

2:27:58Dirty Dancing. Damn it. Wow. Lauren, that was amazing. I don't know that I've seen one of these films. Welcome to my world. You didn't see Dirty Dancing? No. Nope. You haven't seen it either? I've never seen it. Ever since I heard the bit of Nobody Puts Baby. I know that. It's one of the best films of all time. Oh, it's git. Here we go. How often do you guys color? Thank you. Wow. Sex and the City, the movie. Lauren's slaying us. One for me, five for Lauren, negative one. And she has done such, I don't need the extra pointer. She's kicking our butt. She's kicking your butt, but now it's like, why even finish the game? We could just go, okay, that's it, she wins. Because it's fun. Yeah. Because it's still fun. Here we go. It's like a dream. So what do you do, Noah?

2:28:49I work at the Lumberyard. Mikey, I know that one. I finally know one. Yes. Maybe be faster. Wow, you guys know the notebook more than me. Yeah. I like the notebook. I'll say it. I knew that one. Love it. It was us. He has known him for, what, five seconds? Mikey. Mikey, I know this one, too. My best friend's wedding. Oh. I was going to say the devil wears Prada, which I've also never seen. The fame thing isn't really real. Notting Hill. I should have said Nodding Hill for everything. Like L.O.B. saying Pantera last week. Pantera. Pantera. Here we go. Last one. I want to know why. I want to know why. Mikey. Places in the heart. What? Dang it. L.O.B.'s life is over. Woods. Terms of endearment. Damn it. Maybe we'll ever know how wonderful his mother was. I know. Will he ever know what she went through for him?

2:29:58Oh, God, I want to know what. Isn't that Sally Field? It's Sally Field. I know it. I can't think of the movie. She's an amazing actress. Yeah, she is. No. I don't know what that is. It's not Terms of Endearment. It's with Julia Roberts. She's diabetic. The old broad Olympic caucus. Oh, I know it. Lauren. Steel Magnolias. Yeah, that's it. There's our winner. That's it? That's it. Like a champion to L.O.B. The champion. Thank God she beat us at Chick Flicks, Mike. I know it. M1, Chapo from La Mesa. L.O.B. just won for you. Wild Animal Park, San Diego Prize Pack. Congratulations, my friend. Great job. Yeah, I don't have the faith in the world. There you go. I would hope so. Hang on the line. L.O.B. has kind of been a star on the show today. Absolutely. Why, for example? Don't. If you were to pinpoint one thing that would make L.O.B. a star today, what would that be? Oh, my God.

2:31:04You guys are me. Sore losers. L.O.B. singing Santa Baby. She does a little jersey. Santa Baby. Santa? What did she say there? Santa Honey. Santa Honey. We need that drop. Just that drop. Santa Honey. When we played this at 7.30, she yells out, that's disgusting. It is. Ew. I like Santa Cutie. Santa Cutie. It makes my voice crawl up into my body. Can you imagine? Lauren? What? Are you in there? What are you doing? Don't worry about it. Come back later. I'm doing something. There's acoustics in here. Are you singing Santa Baby? How many roommates did you have? Two.

2:32:15And you're like, you guys going, how long are you going to be gone? You going to lunch? How long? How long are you going to be gone? Two roommates and a dog, and at first the dog was barking in the background. And I was like, stop it. You're like, hey, do you guys have to go to Catalina for anything? I did it so quick because I didn't know when they were going to come back. Santa baby. Santa baby. Santa baby. Santa cutie. Oh, stop it. Stop. Santa, honey. I hate you. Maybe I do a version at Christmas. Yeah, go ahead. We'll go side by side. Have at it. Stop it, Mike. We have to break. I can't stop. It's like heroin. It's like heroin. It's like heroin. You get one little taste and you got to keep coming back for more because it feels so good. It's so bad for you. Oh, God. You guys are mean.

2:33:20So good. Why, why, why? That big mouth of yours gets in trouble. Thank goodness you told us. Hey, there's something that may be speeding up the Chargers Stadium downtown. I'll tell you about it next. Remember how we were talking about the sniffling waitress or waiter last week? Did you get one? Yep. Where? I guess you don't say where. Pizza place. No good. He was doing that bit. And then he was wiping his... He was coked up. No, he wasn't coked up. This guy wasn't a coke head. He's too fat. No, he's an old hippie, old surfer. Nah, I don't think he was. He just didn't strike me like that. Did he look sickly? Looked like he had a cold. And Rebecca goes... Rebecca goes... She goes, uh... Pretend that it's allergies. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't.

2:34:45I had allergies this weekend. Did you keep wiping your nose like you had a cold? I wasn't wiping, but I was definitely blinking a lot. If he was blinking a lot, I'd gone, dude has allergies. He's sniffling. I was doing the hard blink. Can I take your order, sir? Oh, yes. Oh, it was not. What are you going to have? You guys. Excuse me. Ew. I think you should go home, sir. Oh, I got to make money, man. I'm going to get sick. Can I get you something to drink? No, but stop it. Can I get you something to drink? Hang on one second. No, don't. Don't. No, stop. Yes, I'd like an Arnold Palmer. No. You love the Arnold Palmer bit. I don't drink soda anymore. It's been like six months. Great. You haven't slipped one time. No, I told L.O.B. about two weekends ago.

2:35:43I took a couple of sips from a Diet Pepsi because there was nothing in the house except water, and I did not want water. Organic almond milk. Yeah. And I didn't like the Diet Pepsi, so I had two sips of it. How was it? I was like, oh, I didn't like it. Artificial sweetener. So in six months, I've had two sips of a Diet Soda. It's pretty freaking good. Maybe I stick to something once. It's overrated. Yeah, it is. Let's see. Maybe I don't eat red meat for the last four days in a row. Maybe my heart doesn't explode one day. I hope not. I swear I've had red meat for like four days in a row. Like what? Steak. Really? Friday, went to dinner, had a ribeye sandwich. Delicious. Saturday, grilled a steak, ate a steak. Yesterday, came home from my game, grilled a steak. I had leftover steak. I'm like, oh my God, who do I think I am? John Wayne? Oh, that's what we got to do this week. We got to go to Pinnacle Peak. In.

2:36:43Gotta go. In. Wish we could go today, but... Is it too far? To me, it isn't, but... To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. Yeah, to me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. How... Where is it? To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. It's in Santee. Wow. Oh, look at LV. Just put her head down. Let's go to Steakhouse in Santee. Let's go to Tofu Palace. Yeah. How about we go to... Let's go to Tofu Palace in National City. In San Clemente. Let's go to King's Garden in Solana Beach. You guys down with that? Mmm. King's Garden. Yeah, maybe King's Garden opens before 4. Is that a Chinese place? Yeah. It's not a buffet. It's not a buffet. They don't open until late. Are you sure? Yeah, remember? I thought they didn't open until... That was 11.30. Is it? I think so. We just were impatient. We can't wait until 11.30 to go. I'm very impatient, people. I like to eat at 10, 15. I'm starving. So funny. How about we go to the mall? We have a nice hot dog on a stick. All the way in. I'd eat over there. We have a Cinnabon. We all go to a movie together. We have fresh Sbarro.

2:37:52How about we do Genghis Khan? Genghis Grill. Genghis Grill. Delicious. No, isn't it called Genghis Khan? They have a Genghis Grill they have in Texas. Delicious. It is called Genghis Khan. Do you ever see The Office? There's an episode of The Office where Michael Scott is in New York. Yeah. And they're following around and he goes, hey, listen, and right here, my favorite New York pizza joint. It's Sbarro. It's Sbarro. Authentic New York style. You want to know something? The very first time I ever went. to New York City, I had Sbarro pizza and I didn't know that Sbarro... You didn't know you could find one in every airport in the US? In every mall? Every mall. And I was like, I was talking to my folks and I was like, it's true what they say. I'm like, the pizza here is just different. It's just different. It's just different. I heard it's from the water that they use. The crust, man. It really is. The crust, Mom. This other place, it was called Pizza Hut. It's like a hut of pizza. It's for real, Mom. It's for real New York. Holy crap. That's great. That was like when we went to Australia and my brother...

2:39:07Oh, gosh. My brother ordered a Foster's. Foster's went to Outback Steakhouse? Yeah, went to Outback to eat. You got any Outbacks around here? My brother orders a Foster's beer, and the guy looks at him. It'd be like ordering a Miller High Life here. It's like garbage. But Budweiser's an import over there. Didn't they have other kind of Australian beers? Oh, yeah. Cooper's is my favorite. Foster's. VB was mine. That's, I think, actually New Zealand. New Zealand. Yeah, maybe I had it over there. 5701949. Bittis. Holy crap, that's funny. So what's the deal with the stadium downtown? Why are they thinking this might speed up? Well, they said that there has been some newly approved legislation in the California Assembly. It's a bill sponsored by Republican Assemblyman Nathan Fletcher. It's going to lift a $3 billion spending cap on redevelopment funds for downtown. No way. Yeah. So Mayor Jerry Sanders says that could pave the way for additional tax revenue. Oh, please. Come on now. He said it could affect a new stadium. If they break ground today, it'll be like 2017. Yeah. And it said it could affect a lot of things downtown, also with hotels and things like that. So that could be good.

2:40:20but waiting on the governator to sign the bill for it to become official. This is for men, right? Yes. Okay, when we come back, 10 things you do to prep for a date night if you're a dude. Happy birthday to John Lennon over the weekend. Would have been 70 years old. Did this for his honor, in his honor. 70. Love that song. Also, Mike, today is M1 Noah's birthday, our little guy, our little mini GM. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday, buddy. We love you. How old is he? 13. He's a teenager now. And my little cousin, my cousin, my nephew Jacob turned 13 over the weekend too. So I love you too, pal. There you go. Happy birthday to me for telling everybody happy birthday. I got 10 things to do to prep for a date night. It's guy stuff. Prep your clothes the day before.

2:41:32It's a good move. The day before? The day before. It's a good move. Know what you're going to wear. It's a great move. Oh my gosh. Seems like there's wisdom in there. This is a big date, LAB. I don't even do that. Yeah, you do too. Sometimes I do. This is a big one. All right. Number nine, make the dinner seamless. Don't just throw up the hottest restaurant in town and expect to get a table. Make restaurant reservations in advance. Discreetly slip the waiter your credit card. Yep. Like the grease the maitre d' from time to time. That's right. If you have to grease the maitre d' then that's you know. Grease away. That's time to do it. Yes. Discreetly slip the weight of your credit cards. The bill is taken care of when you're ready to leave. I like that move. It's a great move. Power move. Yeah. You're with a man in demand if you do that bit. Ladies. If you see that bit. Allowing a woman to pay on a date. Is absurd. Is freakish to me. Absurd. I can't imagine guys. that would sit down and go, all right, well, you owe $46.94 for this. I mean, it's just mind-boggling. I can't imagine a woman taking out, and I understand, guys, that, you know, hey, not everybody makes a ton of money. Hey, I get it. I get it. Go to Applebee's. You know what? Maybe don't go out to dinner. If you, listen, if you don't have the dough, don't go out to dinner with a woman, and she goes, she takes out her credit card or whatever, and you're like,

2:43:00Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? And she's like, oh, yeah, I mean, I'll put it. And he's like, okay, you want to just split it right down the middle? I mean, that skeeves me out. You're an idiot. Oh, yeah, I've been there. If you do that. No way. No way. Yeah. Oh my gosh, LLB. Now listen, once you get married, all bets are off. All lady can pick up a tab. Even when you're in a relationship. You don't want the other person to go broke just trying to hang out. Trying to see you with your clothes off. I know. It's going to cost you some money, fellas. But when you're trying to impress, court, lose somebody. Yes, come on. Nut up. Oh, I can't even imagine. It's repugnant to me. Number eight, practice flirting with other women. What? Check. Not the smoothest with the ladies. We have some good and bad news for you. First of bad, you won't suddenly transform into James Franco tonight after trying out this prep tip for date night. Who's James Franco? James Franco's from Spider-Man. He's an actor. I love him. He's in Pineapple Express. He's brilliant. He's awesome. You will, however, have many opportunities to practice your ladies' man's charm. Vanessa the Cute Sales Girl is getting a coffee in the kitchen.

2:44:15Why not join her and start a conversation? Maybe you just need to smile more. Point is, start flexing some flirting muscles so that you're warmed up for the real thing. Flirt with everybody. Not people in the workplace. You get a sexual harassment suit. It's true. It's true. Flirt with the girl at Starbucks. Flirt with the girl at McDonald's. Try out some one-liners. You can flirt without being a weirdo. Yeah, you can. Not in the workplace. Yeah, you can. You can still flirt. How? Hey, have a great day. Everything good? How are you? How are you? That's flirting. That's not flirting. That's making conversations. But it's the seeds of flirting. You know what I mean? You could say all of that. Okay, here's the definition. Practice talking to a girl. Here's the definition of flirting. Flirting is what you would say to a girl in the coffee room that you wouldn't say to a guy. And you would say all that stuff Jay just said to a guy. Okay. Hey, man, how you doing? How's your weekend? You're looking good. Yeah. I wouldn't say look at you. You don't say that to a girl. But I would say this. If L.A.B.'s getting coffee and I walked in, I'd be like, L.A.B., you look dynamite today. That's not creepy. Is that okay to say? Yeah, because he knows me, I guess. Even if I didn't know her, I'd be like, you look dynamite, by the way. So if anybody outside of this program said that to you, outside of here? I'd be fine with it. I'm just going off of the policies. Policies.

2:45:38Now, if I got in trouble for telling a girl that she looked dynamite, that would bother me. You would get asked to stop saying that. I would tell them to get it. If she had a problem with it. I think there's .0001% of the female American population that would go to HR and say, somebody told me that I look dynamite. And it made me very uncomfortable. I think there's a much higher percentage than that. You do? Oh. Yeah. But L.O.B., it would have to be. Do women ever stir stuff up? Okay, but L.O.B., okay, but it would have to be like this. It would have to be like this. Hey, you look dynamite today. Then. No, it's, hey, FCC gets a transcript of what happens on the show. They don't say, wait, wait, wait, how did he say? Yeah, but you do. If you're a girl, you. He said, she said. You look tense. Oh, so maybe she's just trying to get some dough? No. If it makes her feel uncomfortable, it doesn't matter what his intention was. If he said the words. But that's what I'm saying. See, I can see if a girl is like, I'm going to get a little money because he just made a mistake. I don't think he'll get money unless the company doesn't fall through. He'll just get fired. No, he wouldn't even get fired saying you look dynamite. You would get asked to stop saying that. Didn't you guys take your test? Yes, of course. That's great.

2:46:59You would get asked, like, hey, you know what? HR would be like, don't say stuff like that. Why are we even talking about this? Because it's great. Everybody can relate to it. So, men, flirt outside of your workplace. Yeah, just keep it outside of your workplace. And there's an art form to talking to women, and it's something you have to practice. And I'm no master, but I talked to, you know, when I was single, I talked to every girl I could. If I ran across them, I would try to be really nice and try to charm them. It's like guys with big muscles. You've got to work them out. Yeah, I guess. Don't wear tight clothes is number seven. Absolutely. Of course you don't wear tight clothes. You look like a dork. Yeah, giant dork. Why are you wearing tight clothes in the first place? Let alone on a date. Even in your off time. Yeah. You wear tight clothes because it makes your pecs look good. Your arms. Your arms. You know what you said? Yeah, it makes your stomach look great, man. When's the last time you saw a girl with her clothes off, Frankie? Every single night, man. Yeah, right. How do you know? Because I know. Really? Because you were over at my house? No, I've never been to your house. Exactly. And you don't know. I'm telling you, man. Tight clothes is where it's at. For the ladies. At the Jersey Shore, maybe. Sit down, Hill. We're talking about...

2:48:13The top 10 things to do for the guy should do to prep for date. Yes, I heard some of this on my way. Number six, work out at lunch. Not going to happen. Yeah, that's not going to happen. 979. I did 1,000. Couldn't hear me counting. Number five, get in the mood. Start with grooming. Groom it up, kids. Yes, grooming. Nose hair, ear hair, Woods, Jay, Mikey. Oh, I saw a commercial. Hair hair. this weekend for this product that I'm like, I have to have it. Made for TV. What is it? It's this, it looks like this little wand and it has a little attachment and you can put it across your eyebrows and it does your eyebrows. Look at my eyebrows waxed, by the way. You do get them waxed? I want to. Oh. Because of what that girl said to you? I think a lot of girls do these days. No, I want to. I'll tell you why. Can I tell you why? Yeah. I saw this guy yesterday.

2:49:12I saw this guy yesterday. I believe it. And he was a handsome guy, and I noticed his eyebrows were very uniform, and it didn't look normal. Well, no, that's not true. It did look normal. No, it really did. Woods, I'm telling you the truth. It looked normal, but not natural? It looked normal, and I thought, it's like this. It's like you look at Woods, and you go, Woods has a nice nose. Well, the reason he has a nice nose is because he got jumped by three guys and they beat him up and he had to have plastic surgery and in the process got a cool nose job. True story. I bet he had a nice nose before that. It was decent before, yeah. Was it? Yeah. Okay. All I'm saying is you have a great nose. Part of the reason is because you got jumped and you got some cool plastic surgery. Yes. So if somebody was talking to you, they might go, that dude's got a cool nose. I wish I had that nose. I would never. Okay, maybe you, okay.

2:50:11Then I'm a flaming homosexual because I noticed that this guy had really great eyebrows. And you now want to get your eyebrows done. Well, I was looking at my eyebrows and I'm like, I don't know. They just look a little Oscar the Grouch-ish to me. Might as well get it done. They'll grow back. If you don't like it, don't do it again. Should we go get them plucked? I think it depends on what you're going for here. You're married. Rebecca loves you how you are. Like for me, a guy who I'm and I'm maybe a generation past like we're metrosexual and the guys that are just looking all slick. And that is not attractive to me. Like the two manscaped. Yeah. The two groomed look. Oh, I want a man. I want to feel like, oh, maybe I'm not doing it. Yeah. Yeah, or I just, oh, it's a little too effeminate to me or something. I like a guy who looks like a guy. You want to care, but not too much. I know that's hard. But if you can't tell that somebody did something, if you can't tell. If you can't tell, I mean, you know, and it looks nice. If I have my tips frosted, that's totally different. You can tell. So I got to tell the story real quick. So we had a guy come over that was going to.

2:51:25do some work. And young guy, sharp cat. And this dude was a sharp guy. You could tell he's like surfer, great shape. And the week before, our nanny from Hungary had said, I have not seen one good looking guy here in California. Besides woods, actually. Right. She says, I have not seen one. And all of my girlfriends back home say, where are all the men that are so pretty? She doesn't know that pretty, she thinks pretty is for both men and women. And she goes, and I have not seen any pretty men yet. And I don't know. And I go, you know what you got to do? She goes, what? I go, you got to go to the beach. There's great looking guys, surfer guys, blah, blah. She goes, another girl tell me this and I want to do, I want to go to beach. So fast forward to the next week, this guy comes over, right? Sharp guy, really sharp guy. He leaves and she saw him. And I go, hey, can't say you didn't see any good looking guys now in California, right? She goes, no, this is not my type I like. And I go, why not? And she goes, in my country, if your hair look like this, right? Crazy, because he had like the, you know, not spiky, but like that. Messy. It looks like it's kind of messy, you know? If he have hair like this, he's gay.

2:52:53Oh, no way. And I go, really? And she goes, yeah. And I go, what kind of hair do they have? She goes, like normal, you know, just normal cut. And I go, really? And she goes, yeah, you know, it looked like he got the color in it. And I go, no, he didn't, though. It was just blonde. But I don't think she's used to seeing just guys that are naturally blonde. And so she thought for sure that he must do that. Frost his tip. Yeah, and it's like, no, there's blonde men here, you know? But it was, oh my gosh, I thought that was hysterical. Yeah, I say get the as seen on TV thing for your bros, but as far as getting them too perfect. I don't want them, I just don't like my roster. Dude, I do this, when I go see my girl, Kaylin, she holds a comb up to him and goes, brrrr. There you go. Holds a comb up and goes to the other one and just zaps him. And it just thins him out. And it's because I'll get bushy froze, too. Oh, man, I can almost comb mine over. Oh, boy. Disgusting. You should. Yeah. They hang down in his eyes. Oh. Like curb feelers. I get too close to a car. We got to go. Yeah, we got to go. Yeah. Number four, prep your ride. Number three, identify good conversation topics.

2:54:09Boy. Number two, relax and visualize. And number one, prep your apartment. Definitely. Visualize. Your date. See yourself closing the deal. Oh, man. Of course you prep your apartment. Yes. Hill, what do you got coming up? I grabbed the hives. I grabbed Dead Weather, Tokyo Police Club, some REM. Good stuff. All right. Lovely and talented Hillary coming up next. And tomorrow morning, 6 o'clock, we'll come back. We'll do it all over again. The Mikey Show is out. Late.