The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/12/10

2:25program everybody it's the Mikey show and it's Tuesday and we're ready to rock we got five people on the Mikey show myself Woods Lauren O'Brien Sienna who is coming back to the Mikey show in two weeks two weeks from today she'll be back on Tuesday the 26th it's also never even left I know it it's true what am I gonna do with all my spare time I'm gonna have now sleep Yeah. Let's do enough sleeping. Let me work out for once. I gotta start doing that again. Me too. Disgusting. A text from my trainer. I'll get texts from my trainer and I'll see her name and I'll go, oh no. Oh boy. You know it's not, she's not just checking in to see how you're doing. She wants to start that back up again. Sweetly. Not so sweetly. Maybe you guys could do it together. No. I don't like to work out with people. Me neither. I don't like to play video games with people and I don't like to work out with people.

3:39Is that weird? I don't like either one of those either. Isn't that weird? Yeah, we should save that as a clip of you because that's an interesting thing. It tells us a lot. I really don't. You know, I like to play sports games like on PS3 and stuff or PS2. But if you came over and said, Woodsy, I got the new Madden. Let's play against each other. I'd be like, maybe you get and I play. Yeah. Or vice versa. Yeah. I don't like it. It's weird. I'm selfish, I think. I get it. I get it. Jay's our producer. And today our phone screener is Will. It's Will. It's Will. Will. So you can hear Will's voice if you call 570-1949. We let you call in at the beginning and end of every show. M1 Scott from Temecula. Hey, yeah. I wanted to make a song request if I could. Sure. Yeah, do you have Santa... Baby by L.O.B. I actually do, yes. By L.O.B. I actually do. I would love to hear that. That was one of my favorites. You bet. Yeah, no problem. Play it for you right now. Thank you for the call. Never would have requested some. Oh, my God. It's never going to end.

4:52Ever. I'm talking 2013. They're going to be like, can I hear that Santa Baby by a little bit? Every Christmas, the whole, maybe we'll do a redo, an auto-tune it. Of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's a recording of our girl L.O.B., a private recording that she made for a boyfriend. Sure did. Of her singing Santa Baby. Amazing. And she told us about it, and we begged her. Yeah. Can you believe I said yes? No. Jamie said that, my wife Jamie said that she was listening to it yesterday, and she was laughing. But she said her favorite part was when we would start playing it, and Ella B would go, in the background. She was like, I was rolling. Santa cutie. That, that, right there. Oh, yeah. Kills her. Oh, my gosh. That is the most out of tune. You little pitchy dog. Little pitchy dog. It's really something else. It's so great. Oh, my. She recorded it in her bathroom. Through headphones. She used the headphone like a microphone. I used the headphone like a microphone. Did not know that. Then she sent it to him, and since that time, it's just been between.

6:25He and her. Yep. Oh, my gosh. Are we done? Beat right again. You'd think 24 hours would help. I thought it was going to be one break of my life. Oh, come on. You know better. I shouldn't. I didn't think it through. Maybe we should just always open the show with that song. Oh, my gosh. The new open. At least let me redo it. No way. How many times do you think we'll play that during Christmas time? Oh, my gosh. It's going to be so fun. So mortifying. Word of the day is mustard? I don't know why. I don't know. Mustard. Word of the day is mustard, and so when I real slyly work that into a sentence, caller nine gets a four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld. It's worth $236. Oh, man. You ever just look around your...

7:27House. Pick the word of the day. Just open your fridge. Let's see. How about Yerba Mate? That's right. We'll do old time radio at eight. And because the Padres are out of the race, I have done my homage to the Padres. I can't wait to hear it. That's nice. Yeah. I bet it's not. You know what? Maybe we just wait and see. Yeah, let's. I've compared the Padres to a girlfriend I keep getting back together with. Oh, yeah. And that I just can't learn my lesson. That you just won't show up for dates. Yeah, you just stop trying real good. Blame the victim. Blame the victim. That team could win its first hundred games. You're not getting out to a game. It could be 100 and zero. I'd be like, hey, man, got some great seats. I go to bed with the sun out. I know. What do you want?

8:29What do you want from me? I know you do. Do you like it when we do the daylight saving thing so it's actually dark when you go to bed? Yeah. I like it. Yeah, I do. Is it just me or is it getting darker earlier already? No, it is. 645. I'm talking pitch black. Yeah, like 630, 645. I was like, ooh. After June 21st, it starts getting early. The sun starts setting earlier and earlier and earlier. Yeah, LLB told us that that is the... is the summer solstice. Autumnal Equinox. There you go. Autumnal Equinox was on the 21st of September. But June 21st, sorry. Oh, hi. She was going to go into more solstice talk? It's the longest day of the year. Holy cow. I'm into weather. I'm into hurricanes. You're into like solstice stuff. Of course. Okay, so Brett Favre. Played last night. He did. And if you haven't heard yet, man, is there some controversy with Brett Favre sending pictures of his wiener. Cell-donging. That's what somebody called it, which I thought was pretty brilliant. Cell-donging. I don't get it. Yes, you do, too. Cell-donging. Cell phone picture? I mean, I know, but what's clever about it? Cell-donging.

9:57It's got a name. It's got a ring to it. It's got a whole new version of Ding Dong Bitch. No pun intended, Mikey. Maybe you've never heard that colloquialism for the pee-pee. No, I have. Okay. Wow. I'm not impressed. She's a tough room, dude. Boy, she's tough. Good lord. She's a tough room. I mean, it should sound like something that's already out there. Sexting, that's clever. Sexting is clever. That's clever. That is clever. At any rate. Yeah. Brett Favre apparently did that, and he also, he's a married man. Married man. Father of three. Grandfather, even. Grandfather. Oh, wow. And apparently left messages on this girl's voicemail. Yeah, we talked, her name is Jen Sterger, and we talked about her yesterday. She's...

10:55Gorgeous. I mean, there's no getting around that. Brown hair. Brown hair. She went to Florida State and then was working with the Jets. Well endowed. Well endowed. Very well endowed. Very foxy. But she didn't, you know, she wasn't leading him on or anything. Brett saw her, and this is the story that everybody's hearing, that he went to one of the Jets media relations guys and was like, hey, man, you need to make that right. Give her my number and get me hers. And this guy did that. Now, I want to make sure that we say that. I mean, do we know this for a fact? It shows from what I saw. It shows. Who would know that that's true? It's on MySpace. I know, but who? Oh, and it must. But it has, you know. He wrote it? Yeah. He wrote it on her MySpace from his MySpace? Don't listen to me. Listen to Brett. This is the voicemail he left? Yes. Allegedly, this is Brett Favre. Now, listen. I'm going to tell you. This quality is. Pretty good. There's a couple of sections that get a little squirrely, but it's pretty good audio. This is allegedly Brett Favre? Correct. Okay. Now, the only reason I say allegedly is because Craig Gass does a Sam Kinison that I'm telling you. Right. I'd believe that was Sam Kinison. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, so, but let's listen. This is allegedly Brett Favre. Aaron is the guy that works for the Jets. The media relations guy that allegedly he went to. And he said, yeah, Aaron.

13:13Asked for your number and gave you mine. Sure sounds like him. Sure does. And, you know, the thing, you always hate to point a finger until it comes out that, you know, whatever. But he hasn't. He's like, I'm not talking about it. I'm not talking about it. They keep asking him. He's like, I'm not talking about it. The NFL is investigating. I don't think the NFL is going to go off half-cocked and, you know, digging up dirt where there is none. Yeah. Here's the other one. Start. Let me explain this one. Okay. So, allegedly. And somebody went to her and they're like, hey, is this true? Is Brett Favre hitting on you? Are you guys going to get involved? And she goes, listen, if I get involved with Brett Favre, I'm going to end up in a garbage can. Now, I don't know what that means. What I infer is somebody's going to find out about it, not going to be very happy. And I don't know if they're going to whack her out or whatever, but she's going to end up in a garbage can. Maybe her career is going to end up in the toilet, something. So this is Brett's response to that comment when he heard it. Allegedly. Allegedly.

14:35See, I don't recognize his voice unless I hear him talking about Wranglers. Play it over this. Maybe it'll be better. I don't think that's Brett Favre. Because I've heard him on those commercials and that don't sound like him. Why wouldn't he come out and say that? Um, got meetings here, and go up for about a couple more hours. I'm going back to the hotel, just chill. So, um, the midday, uh, because I'll be in the gym. Um, flowers, love to come over tonight. Um, but, uh, I know, uh, I think Aaron came up and asked you if you, uh, um... You be the judge.

15:48No, I don't know. I mean, I know that he gave a tearful speech to his team yesterday and said, I'm going to need you to lift me up tonight. And he apologized. And he apologized for the distraction. Yeah. Now, Tom Jackson yesterday on Monday night countdown said, you know, we haven't heard a denial. You know, now that could mean a lot of things. It could mean that it's because it's true. It could also mean I got to think. that if something like this happens, regardless of whether it's true or not, professional people, like legal, like the NFL has a legal department, I gotta believe that professional legal department people tell you something. They have an edict. They have a conversation with you. And maybe what they say is, maybe they go, talk about it. Talk about it like crazy. Talk about it as much as you can. Or maybe they say, don't say a word until this investigation is over. Could be. Keep your mouth shut. Two other allegations have come out against him as well from former masseuses? Maseurs? Maseuses. Maseurs. People that gave him a massage? Yes, that worked for the Jets. And again, you got to remember, this is a couple of years ago.

17:16This is 08, 07. Yeah, yeah. And the girl in question did not, allegedly, did not want all this stuff coming out, but it did. How would it and why would it? Who, the person that gave him the message? Jen Sturger. Oh, that one. Jen Sturger said, you know, hey, listen, I didn't want this to come out. And, you know, it was a third party that had this information. But the recordings. Right. She had to have turned those over to somebody. At some point, I would assume, yeah. She would have had to turn them over to somebody. But, you know, she hasn't made any comments. She's hiring an attorney. And she's like, listen, I didn't want any of this. Well, how did we get the recordings? I don't know. It's like Oksana. Maybe Mikey did it. Unless those are fake. And she's like, I don't know what those are. That what? Unless those recordings are fake. Yeah. She can't talk about it. She's like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Well, they are. They are investigating, the NFL is investigating Brett Favre, and, you know, he's never had a violation or an offense yet, so they're saying he may not, if they find him guilty, he may not even be suspended because it would be his first violation. You have to be. Well, and I heard, too, last night on NFL Countdown that in order for him to, let's see what they're saying, in order for him to be. Favre had to weather the storm on the field then.

18:34In order for him to be in trouble, they have to talk to Jen Sterger, and she has to turn this stuff over to them. Right. If she's not willing to turn this stuff over to them, he's not in any trouble. Right. You know? Yeah, I mean, did he do anything wrong? Yeah, if that's him. That's pretty blatant sexual harassment, you know? Yeah. And then plus with the pictures. You know, that they don't know if it's his piece or not, but could be. I mean, three pictures, which I've seen. Maybe get a lineup. It's disgusting. Let's get a lineup going. Yeah, put him in a lineup. Put him in a lineup. I wonder if they'll have to if it comes down to that. Can you imagine? I'm sure. They can be like, all right, pal, throw it out. Let's see it. I'm going to compare. Yeah, that's your piece. Oh, my gosh. Number four tattooed right there. And a Viking logo. No, there's not. There's a jet underneath and there's a packer on the side. No, there's not. Packer. All your teams. A packer. What is a packer? That's somebody that packs cheese. Yeah. That's a true statement. Really? Yeah. Hmm. That is what it is. They pack cheese. Yeah, they pack cheese. Among other things. Interesting. Well, thank you. That's what it is. Well, we'll keep our eyes on that. We'll see what happens. It should be interesting. Trying to be funny. Is that your idea of some sick joke? What? What do you mean? You know what you're trying to do? What's the matter with you people? I was joking!

20:06Don't you not joke when you hear one? It's so ridiculous. Sophomoric of you. What? We're going to keep our eyes on that story. See what happens. I'll catch all your little double entendres. See if it grows into anything. You know what I mean? You know? Really? See which way the wind blows it. See which way the wind blows it. Oh, for goodness sake. You got anything to add? Let's watch how it unfolds. No, I don't. No, I don't. Stop. Brilliant. And you're being inappropriate. You are. That's the line of the year right there. Oh, LLB, I so wish I would have thought of that. So good. So, yeah, there's stuff going on. So much stuff, man. Those Chilean miners are still in that mine. Yes, sir. More than two months. Yep. Two? More than two months. 33 miners. Oh, my gosh. Dude. Midnight, pal. Tonight? Tonight at midnight? This came out on October 11th.

21:08At 1102 Eastern. Okay, yesterday. Yesterday. So midnight in Chile. I don't know. Okay. Come on. But they have... I think it's underway right now. They plan to start the rescue operation at midnight and begin extracting miners early tomorrow. The drill has gone down. It's reached the tunnels. They're sending stuff down to them to get them stabilized, to help prevent nausea. There's four rescue workers that are going to travel down to help them get out. My goodness. Man, it's going to be, like I said before, this is the tip of the iceberg of the story. Two months. Just crazy. Oh, my goodness. They're going to split them into three groups. Oh, my gosh. Imagine being the guy that's like, all right, you're in group three. You're waiting it out. Oh, my gosh. I'm ready to go. Can you imagine those families sitting up top just waiting? I know. Just bouncing off the walls. I can't wait to see that video footage. No. I'm going to weep. I think so. I think it might make us cry. For sure. Yeah. Just seeing, oh, my goodness. Like, that is just amazing. It's going to happen real soon. And it's going to be, they're saying, very physically and emotionally taxing on them, getting them out, you know, as if it wasn't already on them.

22:16I just, I can't imagine getting to sleep in your own bed for the first time and what that must be like. How about a toilet? How's that feel? Dude. Feels real good. Shower. Sleeping on the cold ground. Bottle of ice cold water. Yeah. Oh, wow. Shower. Light. How do you get your head around it if that's you? That's tough, dude. 60 days down there. I mean, how do you fall asleep the first night in your bed? Oh, I'm going to pray for those dudes. Me too. That is so crazy. What's the deal with the... Hate crimes in New York, what is that? This is one of the most disturbing stories I've read. Let's see. Eight suspects have been arrested, and now I saw early this morning a ninth has been arrested as well. All these guys live in New York. They grabbed a 17-year-old kid, male, that they suspected was gay, forced him into an unoccupied apartment around 3.30 a.m. about a week ago. And they asked him, hey, we've heard you've been messing around with a 30-year-old man. Now, it says in this article that he was a pledge. So I'm assuming he, well, actually, they're in a gang, the Latin King Goonies. And an aspiring member, this pledge of theirs, allegedly had sex with a guy. And so they brought him in this apartment, beat him up, hit him with a box, with a can, sodomized him with a wooden handle of a plunger. Just vicious.

23:45vicious, brutal attacks. Just the worst. Threw full beer cans at him, hit him in the head, beat him. So evil, man. It's just one of the most disturbing stories I've ever read. So the mayor, Michael Bloomberg, came out and he said, I was sickened by the brutal nature of these crimes and saddened at the anti-gay bias that contributed to them. Hate crimes such as these strike fear into all of us. No question. No question. What? Did they, like, they did that to him and then they released him? They let him go. Oh, my gosh. He, uh, it's just, and they also got the 30-year-old man as well. And they beat him up? Beat him up. That is so awful. He was later dumped outside his home. It's just brutal. But these kids, so it ranges. You know what I think is extraordinarily brave of both of them is I'm sure they were. Threatened with their lives. Absolutely they were. Yeah, absolutely they were. If they went to the authorities. We're going to come back and kill you. Yeah. And these guys, they range in age 17 to 23. And they are in jail now. Oh, wow. That is just hideous. What a hideous story. It's hideous. Well, let's get the show started. 570-194-9. You can give us a call about anything you want. And we do have a big show for you today. Woods is going to fill you in on Monday Night Football.

25:11How did Brett Favre do last night? How did Randy Moss do in his first game with the Vikings? And this is interesting and obviously personal to me because my son Jake has autism. They are linking newborns to autism because of something. It isn't vaccines. And we'll tell you the story next. That's a good song. How good is that? It's a good one. They did a few years ago. I was watching the... American League Championship Series. Yeah. And they had, that was the song. Now it's like Kid Rock. I was born free or something. I don't know. It's actually kind of grown on me a little bit because I've heard it so much. Yeah. That was the theme song for that year. And they'd show Jeter catching a ball, slinging it over the first, playing that song in the background, make the hair stand up on my arms. It's pretty awesome. Isn't that great? It's pretty awesome. I finally saw the NFL commercial with the Edward Sharpe song. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can't get away from it. Watched TV last night.

27:40Did you? I had a friend's house. I went to watch the game. Nice. If you go to MikeyShow.com right now, you can see a viral YouTube video called Cat Crack. And I'm not really sure what it is. I only know that it made me laugh. It's solid. Oh, gosh. Yeah, it is. It's just too short. I need longer. Well, I defy you to get it out of your head the rest of the day. No problem. Cannot. That's the cat right there. It's the cat. Pile of crack. It's the cat singing it. Have you watched the video, Woods? Yes. Like when little cat's bottoms start to sing along with it. I know, it's weird. I don't like that part. I don't either. I thought that part was a little... A little risque for you? Yeah. For your delicate sensibilities. I didn't need that.

29:15Nobody likes that part on the cat. No. No, it's disgusting. But on dogs, it's fine. Yes. They don't shove it in your face so much. That's right. Cats don't? No, dogs don't. Oh, yeah. Dogs never do that. Cats do. They're like, look at it. Cats don't try to make love to your leg, though, and dogs do that. That's true. You know? Not every dog. Even girl dogs, which is dumb. Yeah, they're confused. Penny does it. Yeah, you see a girl dog do it, and you go, you can't. What are you doing? You can't. You can't do that. Can't. It's not going to work. What are you doing? What are you up to over there? Yeah, really. It's funny. Anyone that has a Mac can become like an internet sensation. Absolutely. What now? Captain Buzzkill? Cat crack is kind of funny. There's no such thing as cat crack. Do you know how many people have been addicted to crack? Cat crack? A lot of people. It's not funny, and I think that it's a shame that, in this day, first of all, Jagger and Chrissy would never do that. Fair enough. Second of all, I think it's really inappropriate to play something that makes light of crack. It's cat crack. It's cat. It's for pets, so it's kind of like, that's what's the ironic thing about it, is that a cat wouldn't smoke crack. Cat nip. Have you ever smoked cat nip, Captain Buzzkill? No, I haven't, and if he made fun of that.

31:06I would think that's wrong, too, because that gets cats high. You think getting high is funny? I don't think it gets them high. It makes them happy. Do you think that Robert Downey Jr. thinks that getting high is funny? No. You got us there, buddy. What do you think that Robert Downey Jr. would think of cat crack? I think he would laugh. Do you think he would think it was funny? Yes. You might think it's weird. What do you think the former mayor of Washington, D.C. would think of cat crack? Marion Barry? Do you think Marion Barry thinks that's funny? He would probably fall out of his chair laughing. I don't think he would. I think he would think it's a shame. Well, you know, I think... Instead of doing that, maybe why don't you go on the radio and put out some sort of public service announcement for the dangers of crack instead of making light of it. Oh, boy, because that's not funny. We're here to make people laugh and entertain. And you know what? Captain Buzzkill. You know what? What? If you don't like it. Don't say... Don't listen. No, don't say... Don't...

32:05If you don't like it, change the channel. Why not? It's really not. You know who I don't like? Who? I don't like Maroon 5. So you know what I don't do? What? I don't listen to Maroon 5. Fine. And then you know what else I don't do? What? I don't go to Maroon 5's page and tell them how bad they suck. You know why? Why? Because I don't listen to them. Oh, do you know what I think? What? You come down here right now. I'm going to give you the belt. You don't think I will? I'm going to give you the belt. I swear. I'm going to bend you over my knee and I'm going to spank you. Oh, wow. Real good. Do you give it to me? Is that it? Come on down here. Maybe I write a letter to Mr. Kenneth R. Layton. Have a ball. They're piling up on his desk. He listens to the show. Everything that you write about, he's already heard it. Yeah, he hears it. He likes it. I don't care. Turn it off, then.

33:36If you pay money for something, you use it. I bought a radio. Your mom bought your radio. No, she didn't. My dad did. Your dad did. Before he left. Before he left. I wonder why he left. Oh, really? Now you're going to make fun of it. I don't care. I'm tired of it. Yeah. I'm tired of it. Big internet tough guy. Yeah, you have a choice. Just running mouth real good. You got a choice. You have a choice, Captain Buskill. Just real internet tough guy. I have the M1 fan page. I can go on M1 site if I want to. You can do anything you want, but I'm telling you I'm going to get you. Yeah, have a ball. It is my First Amendment right to put what I want. Why don't you become a fan of something that you actually like then instead of wasting your time on sites that you don't like? I am a fan that I like. Why are you our fan on every possible portal? One of these days when I sell my first manuscript, I'll have the money to move to an area.

34:38where I can make a difference and also, at the same time, get Jagger and Christy on my radio. And then... You're going to learn the language. You're going to go to the touristy spots. I'm going to choke you out. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to choke you out. That's fine. I'm going to choke you out. You're an abusive Neanderthal. Don't play the song again. Don't play it. Stop playing it. It's too late. It's not... That's so inappropriate. That is so inappropriate. You know, I didn't like it before. Now I like it because I know that you don't. Hysterical is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. What do you think Pete is going to think when I send them a copy of you wishing that feline cats became addicted to crack cocaine? Do you think they'll think that that's funny? Those aren't really, those aren't cats that are really doing crack. Cats can't smoke crack, genius. Yes, they can. No, they can't. Yes, they can. Have you tried? Is that how you know? Ignorant. They can. I am so sick of you. Sick of you, too. No. Who is this? You're a jerk. Come on down here. I'm going to choke you out, pal. I'm going to choke you out. I'm going to give you a suplex. You wouldn't know a suplex. You know who did suplex? Who? Randy Macho Man Savage. Uh-huh. Ric Flair. People you know nothing about, so don't think...

36:34Speak of things you know nothing about. If I can lift your fat ass over my head, I'm going to give you a suplex. You got him steamed. I'm not messing around today. You got him steamed. I told you. I'm not messing around today. What if he comes down here? Great. He outweighs you. I'll take this belt off. He outweighs you. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. He just hit himself. Don't go Bobby De Niro on him. Old Time Radio at 8. My homage to the Padres at 7. And we're going to tell you that thing about what's been linked to newborns and autism, which I want to know the details on. Let's see. And Woodsy is going to fill you in on Monday Night Football. How did they do with Randy Moss and his first game? But first, from Letterman. Well, apparently now, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre is accused of sending X-rated photos of himself to a woman sideline reporter while he was quarterback here with the Jets. We've all done it. Really? Yeah. Okay, so here now we have the top ten Brett Favre excuses. Number ten.

37:54part of my audition for jackass 3d number nine uh i was dehydrated number eight uh an autograph seems so impersonal number seven too many concussions number six meant to send it to commissioner goodell oh we talked about that number five no habla ingles number four offensive line let me down number three Don't blame me. I voted for Kucinich. What is that? That doesn't mean... Again, that just doesn't mean... It means nothing. Absolutely nothing. Number two, if I can't text inappropriate photos, then the terrorists have won. And... Fred Favre excuses. Thought the cell phone was gum. What? That makes no sense either. Huh. Hmm. It's a guy that you like, right? Not Conan. Dave. Yeah, I like Dave. Did you like that one? There's a couple in there that were... There's a couple that were okay, but... Most of them, I was like. There was about three of them I thought were pretty good. Yeah. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Last night was Monday Night Football. It was Randy Moss' return to the Vikings. Looked pretty good. He did. Yeah. Caught four balls last night. Did you see the first play? The first play was hysterical. Did you see that? He threw the pass and by far I've caught it. Yeah. Yeah. And they called it back on the penalty, but.

39:16First player, reverse. Still pretty interesting. Yeah, and he throws a pass. Randy Moss throws a pass to Brett Favre. Yeah, it was hysterical. So he caught four balls. He had 81 yards. But, you know, the story before the game was the Brett Favre scandal that was going on. But they did have some football to play. Well, Favre was okay. 14 of 34 for 264. Threw for three touchdowns. Also had, I believe, a couple of interceptions. And two fumbles as well. He looked spun out. in the first half. They all did, man. Nick Folk ended up kicking five field goals, but the head coach of the New York Jets is Rex Ryan, and he was stoked. Cut one. Feel good. That's a heck of a win. That's obviously a tough opponent right there. Is he performing at the Palladium? A championship-type game. We had a team that went to the NFC Championship against a team that went to the AFC Championship. We knew it was going to be a tough game. Yes. Yeah. Thank you, Max. They got the win, the Jets 29-20 over the Vikings. And like we said, Randy Moss, it was his return to the Vikings after a long time. He's in New England playing really well. I love his voice. I could listen to him talk all day. Cut to. I just wanted to just stay on the same page with the offense and just make sure I know because it's coming just three or four days. It had my nerves going. So I studied hard this week to try to get them and all the plays I didn't get, but some of them I knew.

40:44I'm not saying we ad-lived out there, but it was a tough week for me. It's great. I love it. It's like a Southern. It's half Southern and half Randy Moss. It's hysterical. I love it. So it was actually a pretty entertaining game. I went to bed at halftime, so I missed all the good stuff. Imagine that. But that's what a professional does. That's right, Woods. Yeah, I'm learning. Good for you. Yeah. Marcus McNeil is on the verge of a contract extension with the San Diego Chargers. They're looking at a five-year deal, brother. And that is really, really good news. AJ Smith said, if there's something to report, we'll let you know. But everybody, it's on ESPN. It's everywhere. They're saying this thing's going to get wrapped up, which is great, man, because he is the guy that protects. Phillip Rivers Blindside, and they could use him out there. And we will let you know if it gets done today during our show. Yeah. And then finally, the Giants of San Francisco are moving on. Well.

41:36I don't like the Braves, so better than the Braves. Not for us, man. We're National League West. It doesn't matter, dude. I don't want to see them. Would you be cheering on the Red Sox? I'm cheering on the Rays. If your team didn't make it, would you be cheering on the Red Sox? Never the Red Sox. Come on, then. Don't cheer on those Giants. Feast. So the Giants won last night. It was Bobby Cox's last game for Atlanta. It was a really, really classy move. I watched the end of that game. And so the Giants wrap it up and then stay on the field. took their hats off and gave them a big round of applause. It was a really, really classy move that I thought was really cool. Cody Ross was the hero last night. He homered and drove in the go-ahead run in the seventh. Here he is talking about it. Cut three. There's a lot of guys that are used to playing every day over here, and we all kind of put our egos aside. you know, decided that we had one goal in mind and that was to win and, you know, put the personal stats and personal everything aside and let's go for it. And, you know, I think that's why we're in the position we're at. So they'll be taking on the Phillies. And here's the deal. I can't root for the Phillies. Why? Because I hate Philadelphia. What? Because I grew up a Cowboy fan. But you thought that they were going to win the whole thing. That doesn't mean I got to root for them. I think they will win the whole thing. They are a solid team, but I can't.

42:52Stan Philly. Good. I'll be rooting for him. I know you will. That's okay. Agree to disagree, LLB. And then tonight, the Texas Rangers, who are up two games to none. It's tied now. Tonight is the final game of that series. It's going to be Cliff Lee against David Price. Should be a phenomenal game. And that will decide who goes to take on my bunch, the Yanks. The ALCS for the pennant. Big sports night. What's on sports, buddy? There you go. That's all you need to know. Okay, so Woodsy, tell me this thing about autism. What are they linking autism to in newborns? It's pretty interesting, man. They said that babies that develop jaundice were 67% more likely to be diagnosed with autism during their early childhood. Really? And jaundice, if you guys don't know what that is, it's like a vitamin D deficiency. Your skin is kind of yellowish when you're born. And they also said that among children that developed autism, Those born in the fall and the winter were almost twice as likely to have jaundice following birth than those born in the spring or summer. No way. So they said the vitamin D, which is known as the sunshine vitamin, it helps kind of get rid of that, obviously. And then that comes from autism or it comes from jaundice. Right. Well, I mean, at least statistically, it's higher there. Yeah. 67% higher. Yeah. I got to talk to Rebecca about it.

44:20I don't think Jake had jaundice, but I think that Ryan may have. I think I did when I was born. Really? I think both of my nieces had to some varying degree. Because you hear so many kids that do. And they put them under little ultraviolet lights. And I want to say, I know my niece did. My niece did. And she doesn't have autism. But, I mean, at least statistically, they're saying that it's higher. They are. In the kids that that was the deal. Correct. Okay, so my homage to the Padres is next. And also, we were talking as a group the other day. We were having lunch together yesterday. We were talking about how sometimes people will say strange things to you when they meet you. And David Spade was at the gym, and somebody told him something pretty wacky. And we'll play you that next. Word of the day is mustard sometime between now and ten. I will say that word. I'll weave it in. I'll weave it into conversation. And when that happens, you need to be caller nine and you'll get a four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld worth $236. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's Lauren O'Brien. Sienna's out on maternity leave, but we'll be back on the 26th. Two weeks from today. Jay is our producer.

46:52And phone screening for us today is well. Well. That's well. That's well. What's the weather look like outside? Turd-like. It does. It's too early to tell. It's pretty nice today. Is turdish a word? Yeah. I hope it clears up because it's been nice, right? The last couple of days been kind of nice, perfect weather. It sure has. Perfect weather to lay on my couch with my blanket over my head. It's been sunny and, you know, seems like a perfect temperature. Old Time Radio, 8 o'clock. Anybody that's listened to me for a long period of time knows it. I love the Padres, and I'll always love the Padres. I'm just bummed because they just always have such potential. And that season starts out so great. At the end of the season, something happens, you know. You always want them to win. Just don't go out to the games. Yeah, that should be your move. Oh, wait. Oh, wait, the Rays do that, and they still go. Yeah, it's true. The Padres were a huge overachieving team this year. They won 30 more games than they were supposed to. That is true. And, you know, the landscape's going to look a little different next year, unfortunately. I'll be back. Will you? Yeah, I do every year. It's like a relationship. It's like a girlfriend. I can't break up with her. The old backslide. That's right.

48:25Goodbye, Padres team. As you know, I'm hauling on you. I even tried to tell myself that this time we'd work it out. We sized up all our jewelry. And I thought this time was for real. And then you signed to Honda. And you had instant sex appeal. But it seems to me. We ended up with exactly 90 wins. All my friends laughed and said I belong in a loony bin. And it wouldn't be so bad but I believed you again. You fooled me once then shame on you. You know how that is. Great. Done. Wonderful.

49:31So sad. So sad, isn't it? So sad. We'll get them next... There's always... There's always next year. There's always next year. Better luck next time. Yeah, better luck next time. Just ask the cubbies about that. Yeah. Well... They sell out. You build the ballpark and we'll put them... What are you going to do, right? I know what will make me feel better. Oh, yeah. Really? Instantly, instantly better. Let's do some Woods of Wisdom. Here's how this works. You call us if you want to ask Woods. Anything. Yeah. What's it? What's it? The advice is free, okay? You can ask him about relationships. You can ask him about, you know, girls in general. You can ask him about clothes. You can ask him about anything. He's our guy's guy. He's sitting over there right now in a V-neck, and he's ready to take your calls at 570-194-9. So give him a call. All right, so here's the first one.

51:23You can write in, by the way. If you want to do Woods of Wisdom, just go to MikeyShow.com. And right there on MikeyShow.com, you'll see Woods of Wisdom, and you can write in and ask him a question. Woods, I work with this chick that does this thing that drives me crazy. She beats around the bush about everything. She'll be irritated about something, but she pretends she's not, and then later on it turns out she is. Or she will say something as a joke, but it is meant to be serious. What do I do about it? M1 Skyline. She's passive aggressive, huh? Very passive aggressive. It sounds like passive aggression. It also sounds like lack of communication skills. You know, there's people like that everywhere. And unfortunately, I don't think there's really much you can do to change who this person is. Now, if she works for you, you know, I had a girl on my team that was kind of like that. And I had to constantly pull her into the office and say, listen. What you do and what you say affects everybody on the team. If you're negative, everybody's going to have a negative outlook. I always try to be positive. And if you're positive, then that shows. A person like that, you kill them with kindness. You really do. And just kind of take their negative comments and their passive-aggressive stuff with a grain of salt. That's my advice. How about this one? Woods, my girlfriend says, if she ever made out with a guy in the past,

52:46with old boyfriends in high school, it doesn't count as cheating. If she ever made out with a guy in the past with old boyfriends in high school, it doesn't count as cheating. In other words, if I take this correctly, if she was in high school and she had a boyfriend and she happened to make out with a guy, she doesn't say that that's cheating. Yeah, that's cheating. She barely acknowledges anything she did in high school. as if it didn't exist. Am I off here, or did she cheat M1 Vanden Tosh.0? Did she cheat on him? I don't know. No, no, no. I guess what he's asking is, was she a cheater back then? He's trying to see what the character's like. Yeah, she's a cheater back then. But then again, what happened in high school, I wouldn't really concern myself with. Not that it's not important, but you can't really worry about what somebody's done in their past. Thank God for that. No, for sure. I guess the only thing that I,

53:49question about it is her character not acknowledging it. Right. Well, I mean, listen, listen, I'm a married man. If I went out and made out with another girl today, I'm pretty sure that the missus would think that was cheating. Pretty, pretty positive. Yeah. And I'd get my throat slit. It sounds like she might want to be like, yeah, maybe I was a little bit of a dirtbag in high school or whatever she was. And she's like, I want to move on from it. And he's like, well, wait, I want to see if a tiger. It changes its stripes. For sure. And you know what? Why not just say, hey, yeah, I did it in high school. I don't anymore. I mean, think about how you were, Mike. Think about how I was. You know, think about how Jay was. Jay was a dirty dog. When he met Kim, he was a player. I didn't have the opportunity to cheat in high school because I would have had to have had a girlfriend. Let's talk about after high school. Listen, I hear other people talk about high school. I hear other people talk about prom night and what happens on prom night. I'm like, really? Didn't happen for me. Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid. Not me. You didn't close biz on prom night? No, of course not. That's terrible, bro. I always had track meets the next day. I'd be like, sweet, see you guys later, have fun. Off to bed at 10? Yeah. Wow. Really? I had a track meet, LLB. Did you go to your prom? I wasn't on the track, pal. Yeah, I went. I went to junior prom.

55:08Senior prom. The guy that you went with, was he your boyfriend or was he a guy that you, he was just a guy that asked you? First guy that I took to my junior prom was a senior that I was just friends with. And he asked you or you asked him? I asked him because it was my junior prom. Oh, wow. My senior prom, I wasn't going to go to. Yeah. Because I was friends with all older guys and they graduated and I was like, I'm so out of here. I'm so over the school. And when my friend asked me, I said no at first. Oh, boy. I was like, I'm not going to prom this year. I didn't have a track meet, but I came in first. Oh, wow. You get that? Yeah. I got it. Holy crap. So the guy asked you, and you went with him. Oh, my gosh. The friend asked you, and you went with him. Yeah. I ended up, he was like, really? Are you really going to do this? Because he was asking me in the hallway in between classes, like in front of people. And at first you said no. I was like, no, come on. I really don't want to go to prom. And then in the same conversation said, yeah, I will? No, I waited later and said yes. Of course. Did he try to kiss you? No. He didn't? I didn't really hang out with him that much. What about your junior year when you asked the guy? He ended up, by the time that I had asked him, and then months later he had a relationship, so it was kind of awkward. So when you went to the prom with him, he had a girlfriend? Oh.

56:27But she was a sophomore when I was a junior, so it was like kind of a sticky situation. Yeah. My prom, I asked a girl, and she was really, she was a good friend. She was very popular. She had a boyfriend. So what'd you do? Did she go with you? Yeah. Did you go stay? No, I went with her. We went together. She had a boyfriend. Just pals. Of course. Of course. Senior year. I couldn't go to the prom because my grades weren't good. Oh, no way. Yeah, because every morning I drove up to San Francisco to see a radio show. Were you the homecoming king at the homecoming dance? No, I was not. I could see you, though. Class clown. Funny guy, yeah. I was class clown my senior year. Were you voted class clown? Yeah. Were you? No, but a lot of...

57:26Like, I've seen a lot of times where the two kind of coexist. Yeah. What? Where you're not lucky with ladies? No, the homecoming king ends up being, like, the class clown, too. Oh, really? Like, they are like, oh, I'm not going to vote some Sally in. We want, like, the funny guy that everybody likes. I thought that the homecoming king was, like, a popular good-looking guy. Quarterback. Not always. Really? Didn't you ever see Carrie? You know who our homecoming king was? Jeff Garcia. Oh, that's right. This is our homecoming king. That's hysterical. Yeah. He was voted most athletic. Weird. Yep. Paid off for him. Yeah, it did. Turned out he could play football. A little bit. How about this one? Woods, I went out with a dime this weekend. Oh, boy. Met her at Yogi's a few weeks ago, and we met up. We went out to eat Saturday night. She looked amazing. Dude. She ate so ugly. It was the trippiest thing I've ever seen. She held her fork like a toddler. She held it like a samurai sword in her right hand. She also scooped food onto her fork with her left index finger. I'm speechless right now just writing this. I want to see this girl again, but I can't be embarrassed to go to dinner.

59:02It has to come up because if we have kids, she can't teach our kids to eat. Wow. Fast forward the table. No kidding, pal. I'll have to do it. What do you do? M1 Cardiff. I'm a messy eater. That's one of the greatest. Yeah, LLB, I'm a messy eater too, but I know how to eat. You know how to hold a fork. Yeah. You don't push food on, though, with your finger? No. I mean, here's the deal. You take your index finger and you stick it on the plate and you scoop it on. Not on a first date, I wouldn't. You scoop it onto the fork. Jay, I'll eat a whole meal in my hands at home in front of my wife. But if I was dating my wife and trying to make love with her, I wouldn't do that. Trying to impress her? Yeah. Dude, I say you bail. I say you bail now. I say you bail now. Listen, I can be with my wife and I can pick a plate up. and lick. But I would never do that on a date. Maybe go on one more date and see if she does it again. Oh, really? So you think that she did that just to impress him the first time? But then as she loosens up, she'll be less nervous and won't scoop food onto her fork and hold it like a samurai sword? Maybe he can be like, did you know that in Europe and kind of point things out that he does with his fork? I would full on ask her. It's like, why do you eat like a caveman? Oh, wow. Yeah, that will shoot.

1:00:29That's going to shoot your chances. He might laugh and go, well, here's the reason. Because I'm an idiot. He could draw attention to like, oh, yeah, you know, when I was like, I learned in Europe that you're supposed to cut with this or whatever. And maybe it would make her think about like, oh, I'm kind of eating like a barbarian. But see, L.O.B., if some guy does that, isn't he kind of a D? Kind of a douche. Well, listen to this. When I was in Europe, I'd learn how to, you know, you'd be like. Well, I say that because I didn't know that we as Americans, not everyone, but we will. We'll hold the fork in our dominant hand and then cut. Wait. Oh, wow. Say it. When we cut, we put our fork in the non-dominant hand and then use the knife as our dominant hand, and then we switch back over. Correct. But in Europe, they don't do that. They scoop it onto the back of the fork. Yeah, they'll go like that, and it's much, and you eat a lot slower and neater. But we'll do the hand switch. They do the bit where they have the fork, and they'll go straight to their mouth with their left hand, their non-dominant hand. No, they'll keep, they'll cut with their non, they've learned to cut with their non-donate hands. You ever seen someone, have you ever seen somebody really, really beautiful and then they do something really odd or a great looking guy and then all of a sudden, you know, he smiles and he's got hockey teeth. Copenhagen in his teeth. Idiots. You know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, it's like.

1:01:50every Seinfeld episode. Not that you'd know. Yeah, I've never seen Seinfeld. Yeah, I mean, he meets these beautiful, beautiful women and he's like, can't go out with her anymore. Yeah. They're like, why? She's got man hands. She's got huge hands. She talks too close. You know, she's too quiet. She talks too quiet. He finds something wrong. Now listen, I can look at my wife, my wife can look at me and she can find a billion things wrong. Yeah. But, there's something bigger. If you met a girl and she was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. I did. I married her. Okay. All right. And she didn't eat weird. She didn't have any weird habits. Everything about her was right, but she had the stankiest breath. Oh, that's a huge... But everything else is perfect. It doesn't matter. Everything. That makes someone's face even look bad by just stinking. Out. It's like if somebody smokes, like if a girl's pretty and she smokes, they're just... See, I like that. That kills me. But if I met a beautiful girl and she was a 10 and she was sweet and kind and she wrote me an email and it said, the Yankees lose and it was spelled L-O-O-S-E, I probably would never talk to her again. Hypothetically speaking. Hypothetically. You are a looser. A looser? Girl told Woods on an email one time that he was a looser. Looser. Really? There's one O.

1:03:16and lose. Just FYI, everybody out there, next time you ride it, there's one O. Now, if something is loose, there's two O's in there. Nothing gets woods like a girl that can't spell or has bad grammar. You would never date Jay. Never. It would never work between you and Jay. I'm a loser. You are a loser. I'm a loser. You are a lose cannon. Yeah, you're a lose cannon. You're a lose cannon. That girl was very lose in high school. I love it. I bet. Our nanny Nita from Hungary said last night, there is one thing with a man that I cannot date him. If he has dirty shoes, this is so disgusting to me. If a man has dirty shoes, I will not go with him. Really? No. Dirty shoes to her. And she said, it would tell you a lot about him if he has dirty shoes. I agree. Yeah. I agree. M1 Andy from Hillcrest. Yeah, hey, this is Andy. Hey, big feet. A woman who has big feet, that's the worst. I see, like, the hottest, like, hipster chicks, you know, and they have, like, these large feet wearing in flats, you know, and they wear a little spoon. No, define large. Yeah, how big is a large foot for a woman? Anything over, like, a seven.

1:04:41You know? What are you, LLB? I have an eight and a half. Oh my gosh! But I'm also 5'8". That Kareem Abdul over there. Well, I mean, are they wide or are they long? They're long and skinny. Let me see. Yeah, they're skinny. They're nice feet. Are they creamy white or are they like dirty brown? No, they're creamy white with red nails. They're nice. They're nice feet. Because you know what? My buddy at work, Kyle, he showed me your picture. So you would be okay, but eight is all right. Anything over that? Because it's just... Eight is enough. Can I give a shout out to one of your biggest fans that listens every morning? Yeah. Kyle Joukowsky. There you go. Kyle Joukowsky. He's the man. He loves you guys. I get it, bro. You like petite feet. I like petite feet. I wish I had petite feet. Yeah, mine aren't monsters. They fit your frame. You're fine. Mikey has petite feet. I do. I have a feminine step. Size six. What is that? Some have petite feet. That's brilliant. Yeah. You know, some do, some don't. Never heard that. I love it. Yeah. It's an old-time favorite. Old-time favorite. That's the group that Mikey was talking about earlier. Yeah. Let's see.

1:06:56570-194-9 is our number. Ooh, yeah. Last night's NBC Nightline, they were doing the hard-hitting stuff. They interviewed Mike, the situation, Sorrentino. Say it. Never seen the show Jersey Shore. Lucky. But they interviewed him on Nightline and asked him if he does steroids. Yeah, dude. They running out of gas on Nightline? I don't know. We'll see you. Play the audio next. Guilty pleasure. Oh, yeah. You know that. August 21st is the day that you'll never forget. I like any song that sounds like it could be in the trailer of a movie. That is one of them. Absolutely. James Van Der Beek and Katie Holmes in Dawson's Creek, the movie. I wish that I could just direct one film. Just do it. You have plenty of time on your hands. Of course.

1:09:05You kind of directed the little parody things that we did. And by kind of, you mean he 100% directed the little parody things we did. Yeah, it was like Scorsese out there. I enjoyed it. Yeah, you did. You're like, we're going to need to cut this again. We're going to need to do this again. We'll do you one more time. I'm going to need a little more feeling from you. I want to direct the scene in the movie where the dude is asking the girl to marry him. How would you do it? I would have the two of them be broken up. All right, so I'll direct you and L.O.B. Am I sitting? We're sitting? Yeah. L.O.B. has given up that you're going to ask to marry her. Okay. All right, Imitating Life.

1:10:10And she is at a restaurant with you. Okay. And she thinks that you have found somebody and she's prepared to be okay with it. Okay. Because she's finally got to a point where that's okay and she's going to move on. All right. You ready? Sorry. Have we been broken up for a while? We're together, aren't we? Are we together? You're together. But he found somebody else? You think that he's found somebody else because he's called this impromptu dinner. Ready? Yeah. Action. I know things haven't been great with us lately. Yeah, that's one way to put it. Yeah, and, you know, I think the main reason I asked you to dinner tonight was I've got some pretty big news I wanted to get off my chest.

1:11:14Yeah, I figured as much. What's her name? Pardon? I said, what's her name? There's nobody else. There's never been anybody else. It's always been you. Always. Cut. I have an idea. I'm a director. Okay. I like it. Okay. I want you to do it the same exact way. Okay. I want you to string out the what's her name about 20 more seconds. Wait about 20 more seconds. When she asks you that, come here. Were you really saying stuff? Yeah, I was directing. He was directing. I was directing. All right, we're going to start again. You ready? From the top? From the top. Okay. Well, I know things haven't been great with us lately. Yeah, that's one way to put it. Yeah, and, you know, I just wanted to have you here and tell you face-to-face there's something that... This is hard. Something I need to get off my chest.

1:12:29Yeah, what's her name? Her name is Lauren O'Brien. Please. Listen. Cut. You forgot, didn't you? No. You forgot. What do you mean? Firing this actor. What are you talking about? She was supposed to stretch it out 20 seconds longer. No, she did it perfectly. And when she said, what's her name? You were supposed to say, you figured it out, didn't you? I forgot that dumb line. No, it's not a dumb line. And she was going to say, yeah, I did. All right, take it from the top. So I know things haven't been great with us. Yeah, that's one way to put it. But I wanted to see your face tonight in this restaurant where we had our first date. And I wanted to... bring you here tonight because there's something I really need. No, I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you something. There's something I have to get off my chest. Yeah, what's her name? You figured it out. Yeah, I figured it out. I'm a detective. I'm a woman. That's what she said. Yeah, you did figure it out. There is somebody. Yeah. There is somebody that I love very much.

1:13:57There is somebody that I love more than anything in this world, and I can't live without her. All right. Well, you don't need to rub it in. I don't want to hear all about it. See your hand. See your other hand. Her name is Lauren O'Brien, and I brought you here tonight to tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Really? No, he's putting the ring. Oh, my gosh. He really put his ring out there. Ever seen, bitches? Wait, I'm not marrying you until I find out what the other chick's name is. No, dummy, it's you. That was fun. That was great. How come that felt like that would really be Lauren? She was really like, what? Really? Yeah, I know. Great. Maybe I stab you. M1 Kevin from El Cajon? Yes, what's going on? Not too much. What did you do? It's crazy. You think you have it all planned out, and then it just blows up in your face. What happened? Well, I did the whole thing. I took your dad out to lunch, and we got the okay there. I got the okay with the mom and everything. Oh, he's proposing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For real life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My screen says M1 Kevin from El Cajon has a bad story about this. About my bit. About your bit, about proposing. So what happened? We're at the restaurant and everything, and I decide.

1:15:30Well, hold on. Let me give you some backstory. We've been living together and stuff. Everything's going good. And then I have her out. We're there at the restaurant. Everything's planned. It's perfect. I get down on my knee, pop the question. Can I ask you a question, Kevin? Sure. Are you nervous right now? I am. Yes. I just don't know what to think about it. Are you nervous being on the radio right now? Nah. I can hear... Because I'm just thinking to myself, if he's this nervous... Being on the radio right now? How nervous do you think he was? What guy is not nervous proposing? That's true. I was. I had about 15 cocktails there, so that helped in my case. I was not. It's stressful more than anything. Yeah, it's stressful. It really is. So what did you do? So I get down on my knee, pull out the ring, and ask her to marry me. She's looking at it. She's smiling. Everybody's staring at us. She said, I'll think about it. Dude! That's gorgeous. I'm like, so I'm like, where am I going? I'm in the middle of this restaurant on my knee with the ring out and she's thinking about it. Holy cow. Are people looking at you guys? Thanks. It was five days ago. So it's like the situation, the awkwardness of that is over. But she's acting like it's not even happening. Like it never says anything. I don't know. Do I go and propose again?

1:17:01Let's find another girl. Or do I just like... I'd pack my stuff and move. That's what I do. I move to Canada. Yeah, I move to Canada. She's scared. Five days ago? It was in front of everybody. I had my friends there with their cameras and stuff. Oh, boy. I had everything worked out. And all I got was a stupid picture of me on my knee with the ring looking like an idiot. Oh, boy. Had you guys ever talked about getting married before? I mean, yeah. We've been living together and stuff, and it just almost seemed like we were all ready. Well, why should she buy you as the cow if she's getting the milk for free? Easy, Mom. Wow. I've never heard it that way around. I know. You don't usually hear it with a girl, you know.

1:17:59Dude, that sucks, man. I'm sorry. That's a bummer. Is she like a shy person? See, I've seen a couple guys get strung out on somebody like this for a long, long time. And for one guy in particular, I know it worked out for him. They ended up getting married like four years later. Strung it out? She said yes, then she said no, yes, no, called it off, called the waiting off, the whole... Is the following statement true or false? If a girl doesn't say yes immediately, it is wrong. It is not meant to be. It is a bad idea to marry them. No, that's not true. I think that's true. I think that's a true statement. She could just have cold feet. Guys get cold feet. I'd go find a brother with some warmer feet. I think you need a girl with warm feet. If I were him, within this week... When you both have a chunk of time, sit her down and be like, I need to know yes or no. And if it's no, then you got to back. Well, that's the thing. We have perfect conversations. And then any time it gets to one of those points where it's like the next question is going to be, you know, what do we do? It's just silence or all of a sudden she has something that she needs to do and she has to go somewhere else. Dude. She's not out. She's not in. Yeah, she's not in. Set the appointment. She's not in. Set the appointment. What is that? The appointment to talk.

1:19:27Yeah, there's nothing to talk about. She's out. She's not interested. Oh, you guys don't know. LB, you know. You know it. You know it. You guys don't know. I've seen people that have not necessarily said yes right away, and it's worked out. I have never met anybody that tried that, and they said no. I probably know people that have married that probably didn't want to because they didn't want to say no. Oh, I've seen a couple people say no or maybe or let me think about it, and it's worked out. I think I would have rather had to know. Did Jamie say yes right away? Yes. So did Rebecca. Immediately. I asked Jamie, our weird story is we weren't even back together when I proposed. I go, listen, we should get back together. And she goes, I agree. And I go, yeah, but we're not really good dating. We should get married. Oh, wow. And I go, let's commit to each other and let's just do it. And we did it. Let's see if I can keep. You on the line, Kevin. That is wild. Because M1 Rick has a question. M1 Rick, are you there? I just have a real quick question for the maybe fiance guy. Yep. Is it awkward when you see her now? Do you wake up in the morning and see her eating breakfast? And it's like, ooh, so what's going on? It's a good question. What's up with that? I mean, it's a little awkward.

1:20:54It's like five days old. The situation, it's kind of come up, but like I said, she danced around it. And so it's just like, I don't know if I should go and approach her like I always do or if it's like stand back. I mean, it is awkward. We can't wait too long. Well, yeah, and you feel like if you bring it up, you're pushy. Yeah. But I'm telling you. You're going to marry me or not? Dude, forget it. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's wrong. I think it's wrong. She could just be scared. I've seen that happen. But she doesn't bring it up. She's not scared to live with him. Yeah, that's not right. She should have brought it up. I don't know, man. Best of luck to you, Mikey. Love you. Thank you, bro. Thank you. M1 Bisquick from Santee. What's up, Mikey? What's up?

1:21:57I just wanted to say, like, probably the reason she got scared and probably the reason he was nervous is, uh... Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It could be that. She's freaked out. But Bisquick, she still has not brought it up, man. Five days. Is that embarrassed? You can pull my pants down in a Padre game. I wouldn't be that embarrassed. Yeah, but you're a different person. She's already kind of sensitive. I mean, LLB, like, put yourself in her shoes. You're kind of a shy, timid girl. Like, if that happened to you in public and everybody... If I wanted to marry the guy, I would have said yes. That's it. Bisquick, do you think it's possible that she may want to marry him, but she's upset about the way he went about it? No, I get it. I mean...

1:23:10You know what I'm saying? Right, right. Well, let's say he proposes privately, and then let's say she goes, you know, I need to think about it. I mean, the guy is in a tough position because it sounds like, in my opinion, ever so humble, it sounds like the guy's trying to get a girl to marry him that doesn't want to marry him. Why would she live with him then? Because she wants to date him, but she's not ready for marriage. Maybe she's just not ready yet. I don't know about that. I think in private leave, if she says, you know, I don't know, I need to think about it, then he's not going to be so, like, mortified. And he can't, like, ask her, you know, well, let's talk about this. What bothers me, man, is that, you know, five days have eclipsed and he's tried to bring it up a couple times and she blows it off. That means it's not important to her. Now, if she goes, I need to think about it, the next day she would have said, hey, listen, I'm sorry for that fiasco. But you've got to give me a few days. I've got to weigh out my options here and think about things. How old are they? Is the caller still on the line? Yeah, and somebody, M1 Riches, wants to ask that exact question from Penasquitos, right, Riches? Yeah, I'm just curious. How old is she? Well, I'm 27. Yeah, I'm 27, and she's 25. So it's about the time. I just think that you just need to give her some time. I don't think she has cold feet. I think she's thinking maybe you want to jump into something immediately.

1:24:31And she doesn't want to jump into something immediately. I waited four years before I got married. I was not ready to get married. But I said, yes, I'm ready to commit. I'm just not ready to be married. So maybe she's ready to commit to you, but she's not really ready to be married. Will you commit to me and say, you don't have to wear my ring. I just want to know that you are going to commit to me. And maybe sometime in the future. Woods is shaking his head. No way, no way. Dude, if I proposed to you and we waited four years to get married, I wouldn't have proposed if I knew that was the case. Well, it's easier said than done, though. If he loves her, he can't just walk out. I've been married 14 years. I know, and that's dynamite. But I'm just saying, in my case, I asked Jamie to marry me in July. We got married in November. That was the way that it worked for us. A four-year engagement, if you're ready to commit to somebody, the ultimate commitment is marriage. It's kind of a half-assed commitment, is it not? I mean, if you're not going to go the full way, what are you not being able to do engaged that you can't do when you're married? Does that make sense? Of course. Yeah, dude. Absolutely, which is why I always say...

1:25:40I don't think you should live with somebody before you get married. Yeah, that's tough, man. You know, because, you know, it's a commitment. M1 Greg from RB. Oh, yeah. Good. You should get her on the line. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The guy's got nothing to lose. I'm in. I think you should do it. I'm in. Kevin, can we call her? If we put you on hold, can we get her number and call? Jay, you talk to this guy. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Yeah, talk to him, Jay. I don't... That would be nice. I just want to ask what the deal is. She's young. She's scared. The deal might be that she... I just don't see why she would live with him if she didn't think that that would be the guy that she'd eventually be with. He's not Mr. Right. He's Mr. Right Now. In my world, I just wouldn't do that. I don't know. Girls can be so cruel. It depends. Maybe they moved in together for stupid reasons, like financial reasons or because it'd be fun. You want to live by the beach or something. It's a bad choice. 570-1949. I feel bad for that dude, man. So do I, because a girl don't want to show up. You guys don't want to show up. She don't want to show up. You don't know that.

1:27:09Stop. You don't know. We've been rejected by enough women in our day to know when we're not wanted. Maybe she's just a really bad communicator. She's young. She's shy. Maybe she's got something on the side. No. Maybe she's cheating. Maybe she's cheating. I mean, maybe, but I don't think so. Maybe she's a hermaphrodite. That would be a strange explanation. That'd be weird, wouldn't it? That'd be a really strange explanation. Oh, I didn't even get to Mike the Situation Sorrentino. On Nightline. Got old time radio coming up. A lot of good stuff on the show today. Jay's working on this. Getting this to roll on. What is the perfect after Thanksgiving sandwich? Woods, describe it. Done. Wheat bread. Preferably Roman meal. Big fan of the Roman meal. Yeah. And...

1:29:03A layer of Hellman's mayonnaise on each side. Here, it's the same exact thing, but it's Best Foods. They don't have Hellman's here? It is Hellman's. Do they have it, though? Yeah, it's Hellman's, but they call it Best Foods. East of New Mexico, it's called Hellman's. West of New Mexico, it's the same product. It's just called Best Foods. Same label, everything. A layer of Best Foods mayonnaise on each side. Yeah. And then turkey. That's it? That is it. Wow, you're a plain Jane. Yep. I don't screw around. I don't need to spice things up. I know it tastes delicious. I throw a little Lay's potato chips on the side. Yeah. And an ice cold Coca-Cola. Every year. And I usually eat two to seven of those. No cranberry? You don't like the little layer of cranberry in there? Disgusting. Repugnant. I'm not going to put jelly on my turkey sandwich. Cranberry mayo is good. Yeah. I would have never done it, but Eddie does this, and I was like, I'm never going to like that. It's actually good. What is it? French bread. You cut it in half, and then you make a sandwich out of the French bread. Small layer of mustard, and put the turkey meat on there. Sounds pretty good. It was good. I could do that. Which is very different from what I normally do, which is that I make a sandwich with everything from the night before. Oh, yeah. So I'll put green bean casserole. Disgusting. I'll put...

1:30:31Did you wrap it up in tortilla? Mashed potato. Really? Because I had that? Mashies for sure. Yeah. Turkey. A little tiny bit of cranberry sauce. On a sandwich? Yes. Repugnant. It's not repugnant because you eat it all anyway. You eat bread. You eat all the stuff. It's not in a sandwich. It's good. I'm weird with my sandwiches. I guess. I like to load mine. Sandwich Nazi over there. Yeah, I'm pretty weird with... I don't... I don't need all that frill, man. I'm not trying to be Emeril Lagasse as my sandwich. Really? It's Emeril because I like to have the night before his dinner? Hey, casserole on a sandwich. Yeah, you're a weirdo. Have you ever had a spaghetti sandwich? No. Oh, that sounds awesome. It's things that don't belong together. Woods, you eat bread. I know I eat bread, but not together. Spaghetti sandwich is fantastic. That's disgusting. I don't get that. That just made me sick. You don't have bread when you have spaghetti? I'll have a piece of garlic bread next to it, but I don't slather it on there. I put another piece on top and eat it like a sandwich. That's fantastic. That's good. Because stuff runs out your mouth. There's no pasta in a meatball sandwich. No. M1s will remember. We used to have this place come in. What was that place, Jay, that does that? It was fantastic. Oh, so good. Must miss. No way, dude. You know what they did? They baked fresh bread, hollowed it out,

1:31:55and put spaghetti and meatballs inside of it. The meatballs I could do, but not the spaghetti. It was fantastic. There's places on the East Coast that will put big ziti on top of pizza. That's the topping. That sounds rad. God, that's disgusting. It's a fat man's delight. Fat man's delight. But it's good. M1, Mr. Joshua from Spring Valley. What was the word of the day? Mustard. Yes, sir. Good job. Four packet tickets to SeaWorld worth $2.36. Hang on the line, okay? Let's see. Let's talk to M1 Steve from San Diego. Are you there, Steve? Yes, I am. What up? The place you're talking about with the pasta sandwiches? Yeah. It's called Divine Possibilities. Yes. I've heard about it from you guys, and I eat there probably once a week. Dude, Divine Possibilities. Yeah, so would to give it a shot. I'll try it. Where is it? I'll try it, but it sounds really weird to me. It's over on Austin near Sports Arena. There it is. You know, okay, for example, meatloaf. I love meatloaf.

1:33:05Meatloaf. If you put a meatloaf sandwich in front of me, I would vomit. What? It's the weirdest thing. Delicious, man. Pot roast. Love pot roast. Pot roast sandwich, I would vomit. I'm weird like that. You like roast beef sandwiches, right? Not really. I don't like hot meat. Let's go ahead and save that. Yeah. I love Mikey's expression when he said that, too. Save it. I don't like hot meat sandwiches. I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man. I have two eyes. You're squinting. It sounds good to me. I will eat that like crazy. Santa. What? For those of you that didn't hear yesterday. How did I get thrown in the mix? Lauren sang Santa Baby to her boyfriend. The only person that had ever heard it up until yesterday was her and her boyfriend. Santa cutie. Sounds better.

1:34:09Double entendre. I hate that line. Come and trim my Christmas tree. And I'm so bitchy. What does that mean, L.O.B.? I don't know. Trim it. You put the trimmings on with some decorations. Bought it. Tell me. I love it so much. ABC's Nightline. I've never seen Jersey Shore. L.O.B. watches it. I don't watch it. Don't try to defend it. It's not like I like it. You watch it. Schedule it. Oh, yeah. Of course you do. Of course. Big surprise. Situation was a little brat in the last episode, I'll tell you that much. Well, here's the situation. Talking to ABC's Nightline. My abs are so ripped up, it's called The Situation. It's a nickname even the producers needed some getting used to. What kind of name is Situation, man? And they're like, well, what are you referring to? I was like, well, I'm kind of referring to my abs, but at the same time, I'm referring to my personality. Did you take any steroids to make that happen? Oh, never, never, never. The steroid look is definitely a bulkier, bulkier look. I have a more thin, lean look. I also believe that I have pretty good camera presence. Just automatically, those one-liners, those are not practiced. They just come out quick. They just come out naturally. I've tried to have people explain it to me.

1:35:33why it's popular. It's a train wreck, dude. That's why. Because it's weird. I've seen it. I grew up with it. But it's such a weird subculture that you can't believe is actually real. Do you think the situation is a role you're playing? I mean, to be very honest with you, it is a part of my personality, but not the full circle. Well, you know what people say about the guys on Jersey Shore. They say... They're morons. You know what? And they can say that all they want, but at the end of the day, when they, you know, see, you know, different, if they happen to see a different aspect of me, okay, which is the business owner had trademarked, you know, most of my sayings, and underneath that, at least a dozen endorsements, if I was a moron, so to speak, how did this moron, you know, Was he able to do that if I was, so to speak, a moron? Don't be exasperated, dude. You don't understand the culture, man. Fine, Frankie. You're right. I don't. Well, then, you know, you can't criticize stuff if you don't know it. Can't you? You can, but you don't have a proper understanding of it. Yeah, you sound ignorant. You sound ignorant. In that scenario, I don't think I'm the one that sounds ignorant. Hey, man, you've never lived in Jersey or Manhattan. True story. You visited. You visited. Yeah, I visited. I've lived on the East Coast.

1:37:03Where'd you live? Connecticut. Oh, all hot and posh. Yeah, a little posh. Hot and posh, whatever that is. Buttoned up. Yeah, pretty buttoned up. Yeah. It's all preppy up there, man. Would you go to Cambridge? That's in England. Whatever. What do I know from Cambridge? Exactly. Maybe read a book. Just go to Oxford or what? Oh, look at me. I'm in Connecticut going to Oxford. It's in England, dummy. I don't care. Don't you? It doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying, man. So you're telling me that Mike, the situation, he's a talented dude. Yeah, he's a talented dude and he's freaking smart. He's smart. If he wasn't smart, how would he be on television? Because he takes his shirt off and he acts like an a-hole and he gets paid for it. Yeah, go to PB sometimes, dude. You see a million dudes like that, but they ain't on TV. And they ain't getting paid for it. And they ain't making millions of dollars, dude. He's making millions, dude. Money doesn't equate to intelligence, but...

1:38:03Hey, the guy's found a way to be an a-hole and get paid for it. He's making a lot of dough. I guess I kind of have, too. He's making millions, bro. I'm not making millions. I'm making tens of twenties of dollars. I've read somewhere you're making $10 million a year. Well, you know what? That is an estimate. But the iPhone app alone is selling, I heard, between 200 and 700 copies a day. A day. So that alone is... Alone. In the millions, I think. That's insane. What? What does the app do? I'm going to put out an app. What is it? You press a button and my abs flex. Your abs flex? Yeah. You open the app up. It's a picture of Frankie with my shirt off. Well, it's only for iPhone, so it starts with my shirt on, but you swipe it and the shirt comes off to reveal my abs. Then if you touch the abs, they flex. Does it say anything? It would be cool if you put it and you go, yeah, dude. Yeah. All right, ready? I'll push the button. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude.

1:39:21That's genius. I'd buy that. You should make an ab where your face, like someone else's face, can go on your body with the abs saying, yeah, dude. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Mine is going to be the first ab known as an ab. What? That was a bad joke. An ab? It's not a joke. It's called an ab. Instead of an ab, it's an ab. Get it? I get it. Well, you sure were slow to pick up on it, man. I just didn't hear you right. And so you use a swipe thing, my shirt comes off. What about pants? You do pants? No, I don't do pants because I'm not a freaking pervert, bro. But I do gyrate my butt. Weird. You'll flip behind and... You can spin me by swiping horizontal. And then I'll spin around to reveal my awesome designer jeans that I'm wearing. And if you want to, you can make it so where... If you want to be wearing the same thing that I'm wearing, you can buy it. And so I hit the button. Yeah. And like, let's say you wanted to borrow it. Yeah. You can press the button and it'll take you to a website where you can borrow it. I can buy it. Yeah. What'd you just say? Borrow it? Buy it. Buy it. Buy it. I have a problem with that word. Did Mikey stole it from you?

1:40:49Really going to make fun of that guy just because he's in the restroom right now? Is it stole or stalled? It's stole. With an E. Never a D. Never be a D. That's how you remember it. Never be a D. Perfect. A D would steal things. Never be a D. Never be a D, Mike. I'll tell Mike. I mean, Frank. The sitch? The sitch. Did they really say that? I did. I've only heard him call, he'll call like a cab company and they're like, can we have your name please? And he'll be like, situation. Idiot. Can we have your name please? And he'll be like, situation. And then, hello, can we have your name please? Situation.

1:41:42And they're like, I don't know what to do. Based on a Jersey Shore image, he has no real power to control. He's been like a creep and I really don't want to be hanging around with him. When a recent episode cast him in a negative light. And then he slapped me in the mouth. He slapped somebody in the mouth? A girl? He did. He slapped a girl in the mouth? Just keep it classy. He bopped her. He was quick to say that he might get the GTL off the show. I know that. Gym tan laundry. You got it. L.O.B. This bores the crap out of me. It's boring as F. L.O.B. L.O.B. You are a strong, independent woman. Smart. Like, really smart. College grad. Well-read. Independent. Independent. Traveled. Well-traveled. Culture. Classy. Refined. Refined. Woman. Put together.

1:42:39Now, I'm not judging. Got a great job. Yeah, I'm not judging you. She gets insurance benefits. I'm not judging you for watching this show. Because everybody, I sit and watch mindless baseball. It doesn't make me any better than you. I am. But on this show, there's like dudes being mean to women, which you are all the way out on. Oh, yeah, but I want to see what happens to them. You do. She wants to see the situation. I want to see it all unfold. I want to see it like. Self-destruct. Is that bad? Drama makes my heart beat fast and nervous. I'm getting to that point, Mike, where I was in a movie this weekend and something was happening and I was like, I don't think I can handle it like I used to be able to. Makes my heart beat fast. I get anxious when I watch them. When I see drunk girls, it makes me anxious. I kind of want them to get arrested. People out in the bar to be like, you suck. Like, I kind of want it to self-destruct in front of me. Hey, Woods. Not bad. How come I get so nervous watching that? Watching a show like Jersey Shore. Because you hope that that's not the future. I wasn't done with the question. Oh, sorry. How come I get nervous watching the Jersey Shore? Right. But I don't get nervous watching high-speed chases and, you know, caught on.

1:44:01Well, because, dude, one of them is real reality. Okay? Real reality. The other one, they're playing to the camera, but also, that is real life. You know, if you see on CNN a car chase, I mean, that's real life. There's something going on with that person. I've never been through that personally, but I have been through being at a bar when somebody I know, maybe a roommate, is drunk and she's causing a scene. Yeah. But also, For me, when I look at the Jersey Shore and when I look at things like that, I'm like, dude, Jamie and I are going to have a kid someday. And I don't want my kids to be into this crap. I don't want them to be like these guys. I don't want them to be. I was an idiot and still am a lot of the time. Yeah. But I've always had a good hat on my shoulders and a good heart. That's true. Which you look at some of these people and you're like.

1:44:55Dude, come on, man. Please, just go away. Snooki has a good heart. She does? Gosh. No, I don't know. She seems like she's... They're all idiots, but... Well, now it's time to transport you back in time, then, to a time where there was no Snooki and there was no situation. Thank God for that. None of that existed. We're going back to a time of old time radio. What if the Jersey Shore existed 40 years ago? On the radio. How would it sound? It would be the Atlantic City Boardwalk. The Atlantic City Boardwalk. Would you like to go have a slow gin fizz with me tonight, dear? Let's go to Park Place. Sounds delicious. Could you warm up some scotch? That's going to be two bits now, two bits. Last name, first, and middle initial. Carney Phillip M. That's a big girl from Wilson Phillips. Yes, that's a larger Wilson Phillips young lady. Want to give me your lottery numbers? Three what? I have a tattoo that says enter here and points to my belly button. Yeah, what do you make of it? What do you want to say about it? See? What was the tattoo again?

1:46:18It says enter here and points to my belly button. What's the real tattoo? I can't remember that. You couldn't hear it? A perch head. A perch head? A three-strand perch head. It's a knot, you know. What's that? A three-strand perch head? Doesn't know anything, you moron. It's a knot, don't you know? You plebeian. Having a three-headed perch head on your arm is as strange as having a rooster on your ankle. Or a giant flaming softball on your back. Or maybe a tramp stamp. That's as strange as having the word winder written across the small of your back if you're a man. I'm sorry, winder. I'm sorry. He's so mad right now. I'm sorry. I heard he's getting real tired of that bit. I bet. It's a kind of fun bit. Oh, well. Kessel, I'm getting awful sick of that. Shut up, man. That was winder. Did you hear that? That was winder. Guys, it's winder. I'm getting awfully sick of that. Maybe you guys stopped with my tattoo, eh? Maybe put the kibosh on it, eh? I'd had one too many. I'm sorry. Hasn't everyone made a mistake? Cost me 12 bits. That's right. I walked right into the tattoo parlor and gave the man 12 bits, and he wrote the word winder on the back of my... on the small of my back. For the record, it was supposed to say winter. Yes. In my defense, it was wintertime.

1:47:39It was supposed to say winter or winter. Forever people have asked, what do you do for a living? I said, I make tops. I work on clocks. Why? Why do you ask? I work on clocks for a living. I bet when he woke up today, he didn't think all-time radio would be about it. Yeah, I didn't either. The catched Scarlet Queen. Straight number. Straight number. How? How? Dot, dot, dot. How dare you? Dear 48, birth to Embarcadero, not permanent. That'll be enough for now, O'Brien. O'Brien? Can we save that? Can we take that clip? That'll be enough out of you, O'Brien. That'll be enough for now, O'Brien. That might be a pretty permanent address at that, Connie. Not with me paying the rent. I got my port clearance and I'm leaving tomorrow. Maybe I, Connie.

1:48:36What's port clearance? I don't know, but why do they all sound so damn angry all the time? Take their boats out with a port clearance. Moron. Moron, you don't know what port clearance is? Idiot. Big surprise. I'm a 1932 plebeian. You've never served a day in the military in your life. 75 years from now, it will sound like this. Since, uh, about five days. Not about, Connie. How long? Five days. I signed him on five days ago. Man, they were angry. They were furious all the time. Don't make me call you Carney again, Carney. Carney. 75 years from now, there'll be another Carney. He'll be barking out orders at the circus. And yet another 15 years from then, there'll be a big redhead in a band called Wilson Phillips. Mikey will cry to her music. And 10 years after that, tell everyone about it on the radio. Then it'll be wrapped up in a burrito. Of course it will. It's Mikey. It's Mikey we're talking about. When'd you see him last? Exactly. No, I said, when'd you see him last? Exactly.

1:49:44Was that three men of five? Yes. Yes. Between 1230 and one this afternoon, I saw his stern end going around the warehouse. Easy. Don't be talking about his stern end. All right. This is actually Brett Favre's first job. Why? Because he's human, I suppose. They build hotels for people to go into. He didn't look human when we found him. Look, Kessel. I don't know anything about it. I'm sorry I'm alone instead. He was a nice guy. But that's all I can give you. If you want an alibi, I've got four seamen who loaded stores with me. Easy. You cannot say that on the radio. Talking about sailors. So they got four of them, though. Man. You know what else is great about this? It wasn't just the way that they talked. You know that as they talked, they had the real sharp body movements as they did stuff. He should wear boxer briefs. Yeah. Instead of tiny wives. Yeah. Don't let a bike. There's only four. That'll carry me to the time you tap me on the shoulder.

1:50:43What do you want, a Halo? It's a video game that's going to be invented in a hundred years. The nerds will revolt. What's Halo? You don't worry about it. The nerds will revolt. I'll never leave their basement. You'll never hear from them again. Trust me on this. What do you want, a Lord of the Rings to come in here and give it to you? That's all right, it's all right. Just don't get sore, Connie. Now he's smoking a joint. Guy's name is Connie, by the way. Yeah, now he's smoking a joint. He's like, he just stout. He goes, I'm all right. Easy, Connie. Tell your brother Brenda to come over here and let's get out of here. I just smoked a hash joint. No, thanks. All I want is a cab back to the Embarcadero. On you. Sure, sure. We'll take care of it. I am not going to pay for a cab ride from here to the Embarcadero. Do you know how much that would cost? Five cents! Take a darn petty cab, you moron. Just a couple more questions. Oh, stop. That patience act fits you about like a bare midriff evening gown. Take it off. Get comfortable. Which, by the way, back then was pornographic. Why are they so mad? So angry. Scotty, I will. You want to know why? No air conditioning yet. Yeah, you're probably right. Imagine living back then and no air conditioning. I'd be okay. Syphilis real good, too. Polio. Polio. You're dealing with the heat of El Centro and your cousin has polio. Oh, man.

1:52:11What could Malone have learned on your Scarlet Queen that somebody would go to a lot of trouble to get out of him? What are you talking about, Kessel? Malone was tortured, that's what I'm talking about, for a good long time, and then somebody slipped or lost their temper. He didn't know anything. He didn't know why $50,000 was deposited in your name last year? I don't know. $50,000? Hmm. How much do you think that would be today? $500 billion. $500 billion. I don't know what you're talking about. Hey, Barrett, bring Funston in. Two new characters. Little guy. Mikey. Mikey. Ooh, that's good. Have you heard of Carl Palladino? Yes, I have now. He's running for governor in New York. He made some controversial comments about gays. And then he went on the Today Show and Good Morning America yesterday to try to explain it. And Woodsy will tell you what he did in the first place, and then we'll play his explanation, and it all gets very weird. I love when I can make Mikey throw up in his mouth. I can get you real good. He delights it. I delight in it. He sure does. I do. I take such pleasure in making him squirm. Makes you giggle. It makes me laugh so hard. Nothing makes my day more than when I can make you bury your face in your hands and squirm. It's the greatest. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, David Bowie. Station to station. I wonder what is on there. Do you guys know?

1:54:33What? It's on Station to Station. I think it's back in like the mid-70s. I don't know, but I like David Bowie. I love Bowie, but... I mean, I'm not like Joe David Bowie. Yeah. But I like some David Bowie, so don't freak out. Like the Ziggy Stardust. Yeah, for sure. So tell everybody, who is Carl Palladino? Carl Palladino is a gentleman. He's a Republican candidate running for governor of New York. Okay. All right. So he gets together in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, last Sunday and says that children should not be, quote, brainwashed, end quote, into thinking that homosexuality is acceptable. And he criticizes opponent, Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo, for marching in the gay pride parade. He said, quote, I just think my children and your children would. be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family. I don't want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option. It isn't. I didn't march in the gay pride parade this year. My opponent did. That's not the example we should be showing our children. There is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual. Now, here's the deal. A lot of times somebody can say something.

1:55:56But if they sound like a dork, then it doesn't matter. You've already lost everybody because you sound like a dork. Maybe, you know, maybe you just fundamentally disagree with what he's saying. I don't have a problem with a homosexual. My issue is with the actual act of homosexuality. You know me. I roll by the Bible as my owner's manual. And so that's where I get that from. Yeah, this is very tolerant. Which, by the way, is okay. It's okay to have an opinion that that lifestyle is not healthy for your kids. You know, I don't want my boys to have that lifestyle. Now, if one of my boys is gay, it doesn't mean that I stop loving him. It doesn't mean that I ostracize him. It doesn't mean that I...

1:56:59I don't dislike gay people. Yeah, but you can't, I think the difference is you can't act like they have a choice in the matter. No, I don't. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I believe that gay people are born that way. Me too. You know, I believe that. Me too, yeah. I believe that. I do too. But I have to say that I was born a certain way too. You know, it maybe wasn't gay, but it was, I was born with certain predispositions. Absolutely. That God changed. That's the deal. And without God intervening in my life, I would have stayed the same. You don't think those were just bad choices on your part? Yeah, I do. I do think they were bad choices. But you think you were born to be an addict? Yes. Really? Oh, yeah. I think I was born. I think my boys, all three of them, I think they're all probably born genetically with a disposition. for addiction. That's, I mean, hasn't that been proven? Both their grandfathers on both sides are alcoholics. Their dad is an alcoholic. There's alcoholism all throughout the family tree. It's just wild. Yeah, I mean, and some people don't have that, though. Some people, their family tree, you know, there may be one or two, you know, here and there. Right, right. But they don't have that, you know.

1:58:24But this is this is really, really intolerant. I mean, this guy. Well, yeah. And listen to him. Listen to him. He sounds. I mean, as you listen to him, you go. I mean, even me. And the time and also before you play it, the timing was God awful. Think about what just happened in New York. We reported on earlier with the eight guys like beating up and sodomizing. 17-year-old gay kid. Oh, yeah. Well, dude, we talked about that this morning, and you heard me say, that is horrific. That's a horrific thing. I mean, it's such an emotional issue, and people, you know, it was really, and I thank God for the fact that he's given me a gift to be able to communicate because it's really hard to be able to communicate very clearly my stance. It is. It is. And part of the reason that it's really hard to communicate, my feelings about it is because our society has made people that hold my opinion into bigots. And I'm not, I'm not a bigot. I have an opinion. Yeah. And I see that. And my opinion is not hateful. I don't hate homosexuals at all. I mean, I just, I don't, you know, one thing that I will say is that

1:59:49It's suspicious to me if somebody is jumping up and down too loudly about one issue. Right. You know, that's how you get the gay pastor or whatever, if it turns out. In Atlanta, yeah. Yeah, if it turns out that that stuff's true. Ted Haggard had the same issue as a big, giant pastor. This guy, as a Catholic, you know, and they said, hey, well, listen, he's just expressing the views he holds in his heart as a Catholic. Well, the Catholic faith. has been under fire for years because of homosexual priests i mean so it's it's just this is this kind of stuff man is is you can have your opinion i have my opinion lb has hers and jay has his but how did it come up by the way dude it was in a speech and he was so he just like yeah and it was they were starting the mudslinging and his his bit was this i can picture him you know hey well i didn't march in the gay pride parade like my like my opponent did. And let me tell you something else about gays and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad idea, bad idea. Bad idea. And you know what? You don't have to march in a gay pride parade to be in favor or tolerant of homosexuals or anybody else for that matter. Here he is on Good Morning America. Andrew Cuomo said he took his children to a gay pride parade. I was at one in Toronto one time. We stumbled on it, my wife and I.

2:01:15It wasn't pretty. It was a bunch of very extreme type people in bikini type outfits grinding at each other and doing these gyrations. Oh, boy. And I certainly wouldn't let my young children. Oh, boy. And he sounds like grandpa, you know? I mean, come on. I stumbled upon it. I was walking out. I had a feather boa on and a leather Speedo. And I stumbled just into the streets of Toronto right in the middle of a gay pride parade. Yeah. Well, listen, the thing that I find so ironic is that the very people that preach tolerance are very intolerant of my intolerance. Yes, I see that. Yeah. And, you know, I wouldn't take, and this is okay. Let's say there is a Christian parade. Christian pride parade. Christian pride parade. And a gay guy goes, I'm not going to the Christian pride parade and I'm not taking my kids to the Christian pride parade. Okay. And I'm not taking them because, you know, I don't agree with them and I don't like them and I don't. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. Okay. You know, I'm not going to take my kids to the gay pride parade. That's all right. Yeah, that's totally okay. And I wouldn't either necessarily, you know, but I think.

2:02:46to preach a message of, that's telling them that, I mean, listen, when you say there is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual, or when you say that, you know, I want my kids to get married, they're going to be more successful getting married and raising a family. I know a lot of unsuccessful married men and women. I know a lot of bad stuff that happens in, quote, straight marriage. I mean, 49%, 52%, whatever the number is, ends in divorce. And, you know, this stuff is, that's just, I mean, this guy's an idiot. M1RB from RB. It would be adamacy about this. Why is that? Well, you kind of, you use intolerant slurs about gays also. I do not. Yeah, he does not. Whenever a guy discusses something that might be effeminate, you always reply, I like girls. That's not it. That's not me being intolerant. That's not me being intolerant at all. This is a politician being honest. Yeah, bro. I have never, ever said anything intolerant of gay people. Ever. In fact, Woodsy has actually been pretty supportive. Yeah, I've been gay. That's funny. I'm teasing. I'm teasing. But he really hasn't, bro. Dude, I vote for same-sex marriage. I mean, how can I be intolerant? Yeah, he says he doesn't like video games because he'd rather be playing with girls. Yeah, I don't like video games because I like girls. I don't like Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings. And that's a joke.

2:04:14That's a joke. This is serious, man. This is hate-mongering, period. You'd rather be getting some action than playing games. Yeah, I'd rather be getting action from a girl, but that's just the way that I was born. Yeah, my deal is that unless he's asked. If somebody comes out and asks me, what's your opinion? Okay, yeah, I'll tell you. I mean, during the Prop 8 stuff, I was very outspoken. as we were talking about it, that I was yes on eight. Right. You know, and that I didn't want homosexual marriage in the state of California. Yeah. And see, I'm no on eight. Yeah. And we're still friends. Yeah. You know, I mean, we're all still friends. Everybody is entitled. And listen, nobody's perfect. And Carl Palladino is not perfect. And I'm not trying to vilify the man, but use your head. That's what I'm saying. Use your head. This is hate. It's hate. I think they're both using. the whole slander technique that politicians use to try to sway votes, to be like, you know, you're in New York City, a place that's very divided. You've got mostly, you know, in the city, you're going to have a lot of, like, liberal people, but you've got a very conservative population, too, and they're just batting against each other. M1 Trav from La Mesa. How you doing? Good. Yeah, I mean, I'm just coming from probably more of a conservative kind of outlook.

2:05:43My one big point is this. Before we jump on this man for making comments like he made, let's maybe look at it in context. He was basically saying that he stumbled across a gate. And we're looking at him like he's kind of weird, observing clothing and wigs and tirading like he said. And we're calling him kind of weird or odd. Is there anything wrong with him saying that he thought that that was weird? No, but he's being hateful in his other remarks. In his other remarks, he is. Yeah, the other stuff. I'll tell you where I think he went wrong is when he started getting into the dysfunctional blah, blah, blah. Like, dude, you're not going to win anybody over that way.

2:06:37I mean, but if his opinion, I'll tell you right now, if I talk to my dad and if most of us talk to our dads, they would say, I went to this thing and it's a gay pride parade and I see a bunch of fellas out there and they're dancing around. We'd all hear that. This is the part that bothered me. I don't want them, first of all, brainwashed, okay, through magic. Dude, hang on, hang on. Let's stop right there. Let's take them one by one. You've heard me say, I don't like the Katy Perry. I kissed a girl and I liked it and blah, blah, blah. Like I think the message that's being sent to girls in our culture is kiss girls. It's awesome. I think that's jacked up. First of all, it is awesome. It is my key. Okay. Second of all. It's awesome if you kiss him. It's awesome if you kiss him. It's awesome if he sees two girls. Yeah, he does. But listen, I don't want them brainwashing and thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option. It isn't. Isn't it? Is it? Isn't it? You're telling me there's not well-balanced, successful homosexual people? That's what he's saying. He's trying to say that that's not a viable option. The reason that I think that that is a ridiculous thing for him to say is because there's really not a lot of well-balanced, healthy people. Heterosexual people. You know what I mean? People. If you're hitting on...

2:08:05And there's just as much divorce in the Christian community. Absolutely. As there is anywhere else. It's the same. The statistics are the same. He is just trying to completely just devalue that as a lifestyle at all. And he sees Andrew Cuomo going there being like, he's saying it's okay. And I'm saying it's not an option. It's not an option. 5701949. Polarizing. Yeah, exactly. M1 Zach from San Diego. What's up? All right, so I, you know, I just don't think it's very cool, especially in 2010, to speak about intolerance, you know, towards a certain group. I think that's extremely inappropriate, especially, you know, he's running for, you know, governor of New York, right? Like, New York is a huge state full of many people and many cultures, and to try and single a group out like that and say it's wrong, I think that's wrong, because you wouldn't want someone doing that to you.

2:09:04He's a Christian. You wouldn't want some gay people coming up. Being Christian is wrong. And the whole point of Christianity is... Well, there are gay guys that say that being Christian is wrong. I've talked to them. There are straight guys that think Christianity is wrong. And there's Asians and black people and Jews and, you know... Zach, you think I haven't taken some heat for being Christian? I mean, listen, you talk about... Listen, if you want to talk about counterculture... Okay? The counterculture. And FM 94.9 exemplifies counterculture. Okay? You couldn't have put a better guy in this radio station, in this position. Counterculture, I mean, I'm as counterculture. Counterculture is now redefined. Counterculture is now somebody that says, I don't think that it's right that we have songs telling little girls.

2:10:05I kiss the girl and I like it. That's like, whoa. I don't hear that in our culture. Our culture says the exact opposite. That is counterculture. M1, just call me Tim from Chula Vista. Yes. What up? How you doing? Good. Good. Oh, am I on? Am I on? You're on. Oh, that was quick. Sorry. Yeah, I'm just calling because I'm really interested in the topic, obviously. And I'm calling because... You know, culture is trying to teach us all to be very tolerant, and I agree. We should be very tolerant of everything because, you know, just hating hate fields is negative. But anyway. Wait, wait, wait. We should be tolerant of everything? Tolerant because here's the thing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Of races and lifestyle choices, I think. Yeah, you got to be. I disagree with that. Me too. We're tolerant around as acceptance. That's not the same thing. People are trying to teach us to stay tolerant, but they're really meaning. trying to taste to accept everything, and I don't think that is right. I agree. I agree with him. The intolerant of things is, you know, like if they have a parade or something, I'm not going to run out there and start throwing fists. I'm not going to be screaming at people. You know, no hate-filled stuff. Okay. I'm going to have to accept it. And I think you're making, dude, I think that you're making, you know, my argument exactly. The word tolerance has turned into, hey, Mike.

2:11:27You've got to accept this. You don't have to because, you know what, the KKK holds rallies. I don't want to be there, and I'm not going to be in on it, but I have to accept that that's, I guess, their right. I'm not going to get behind it. I'm not going to get behind the Aryan Nation or the Latin Kings or whatever. I don't have to celebrate in what they do, but I do kind of have to accept that it is their right and it is who they are. M1 Kyle from RB. Hey, Mike, how you doing, buddy? Good. I had a question, man. I heard earlier that you said you voted yes on Prop 8, and I'm really curious why you did that. I mean, I get the whole you've got to be tolerant and everything, and again, I kind of agree with what he said. You don't want to accept the KKK, but they're preaching hate. Gay people are just trying to live their lives. That's true. Well, wait, do you know that yes on 8 means that I voted so that gays would not have Yes, I understand that. That's why I was asking you why you did that, because you seem a very well-rounded guy. I'm curious what your logic behind that was. My logic behind that is that I had a conversion of my life in 2003, and God took over my life, and I now lead my life in a way where I am doing my very best to live my life first and foremost for Jesus Christ. Okay.

2:12:56And hang on, hang on, because I want to answer your question. I want to answer. Well, I hope I almost heard in your voice right there a little bit of, oh, yeah, go ahead. I'm not listening, but go ahead. Finish your sentence, Mike. I'm completely tuned out to what you're going to say. I'm totally listening, man. I thought you were done. That was my bad. No, okay. Okay. So because now I use the Bible as my owner's manual, I try to live my life. by those principles. My Bible tells me that this is not okay. That the behavior of homosexuality is not okay. The actual behavior. Okay? The Bible also tells me that I am not to hate anyone. The Bible tells me that I'm supposed to love everyone. And love is an action. And so I can love a homosexual with my actions. I'd be loving, kind, and I am.

2:13:56But that doesn't mean that I agree with the lifestyle of homosexual sex. I don't. And the reason that I don't is because the owner's manual says, don't do this. It isn't good for you. And that's why I voted that way. I believe that marriage is a very, very sacred institution between a man and a woman. That's the way I believe. I'm not a bigot. I don't hate anyone. That's just the way that I believe. and i believe that our culture has taught us that everything's okay everything's all right you can do whatever you want and you can and i just don't agree with the culture i've got one question which would be okay for them to legally get married but not in a christian way like i understand i completely agree with your like statement of don't let them get married in a christian church

2:14:52I'm not talking about a Christian church. I'm not talking about getting married in a Christian church. What I'm talking about is everything defined under the word marriage, which, by the way, marriage is a biblical term. Marriage is a biblical term and comes from the Bible. But hasn't the state turned it into a tax break and all the benefits? So, I mean, you should separate church and state. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, if there was a deal where they could say, you know, and I think there was, like there was a deal where you call it something different, you know? Union? Yeah, civil union or something like that. Civil union, domestic partner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should be able to have that. It's more for the rights kind of thing. I mean, I don't agree with the fact that they get boned out of being able to have the same rights as everybody else, but at the same time, they're just not allowed to get married. You're walking a fine line. It's a fine line, man, because, you know, I consider myself a Christian, too. And I mean, I guess that's just one area where I don't believe it. I don't know. It's a hard, hard thing.

2:16:08It turns me off of religion. Yeah, it's hard. God doesn't want people to get married. He doesn't want people to be happy. It turns me off. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It turns me off. Okay, let me... Listen, that's a great point. That's a really great point. And so I really want to address that because one thing that just puts a sword in my heart is to hear... anybody say that it turns them off. Now, religion, I can't stand religion. I can't stand religion. Okay? Wait a minute. Yeah. Where are we? Stop the press on a second here. I'll explain when we come back. Why do I not like religion? It's news to me, pal. Yeah. I'll tell you why I don't like religion. And I'll put it to you better this way. Religion is okay. Religious is not. Because generally, religious implies a level of raising the bar higher than God did. That I don't like. And you hear a lot of that. Let me give you a religious talk that I can't stand. You're drinking?

2:18:10Oh my gosh, I can't believe you're drinking. That is a sin. No, it isn't. No, it isn't, religious guy. It's not a sin. Show me in the Bible where it says it's a sin. It says in the Bible getting drunk is a sin. Jesus drank. Right. So that's dumb. That's religious. I don't like that. Now, the argument of, hey, it's not hurting me. Okay. Let's say that there's a couple of gay guys that live next door. Yeah. No, it's not doing me any harm. When they play their loud music and I can't sleep, it does me harm. But that would have been two straight guys too. I would have been just as mad. Okay. So two gay guys live next door. It's not hurting me. It doesn't affect me. That is a true statement. But that doesn't have anything to do.

2:19:12with what I think of the behavior. Let's say that there's two guys next door that are drunk. Let's say that they are drunk, but they don't cause any problems. They're in there. They're drunk. They're stumbling around in the house. I don't know it. What do I know? They don't make any noise. In fact, somebody comes to the door. They say, hey, those two guys next door, have they ever caused you any problems? They're doing an investigation. Have they ever caused any problems? No, I've never seen those guys. The lawn's always mowed. House looks nice. It seems like they're, You know, fine neighbors to me. Okay. Then somebody asked me a completely separate question. Hey, what's your stance on getting drunk? I'd say, oh, I think it's a sin. Why do you think that? Oh, because I use the Bible as my barometer and it's a sin. Now, I believe the Bible to be truths. That's okay. That's the way I believe. Now.

2:20:14When Jay says, now that's what turns me off about it. I want to walk through that with you because I don't. The last thing I want to ever be is those like those creeps that hold those signs that say God hates fags. Those people are demonic. They're demonic. And they are doing more work for the enemy than they are for God. And I, seriously, I think they're demonic, man. But I was asking you this. And, you know, in the Bible, and this is my, I had a long talk with you yesterday, did I not? Yeah. About some things that I'm going through in my life with my faith. Can we talk about it? Absolutely. Let's talk about it. I was born and raised in the church. I went to private school, went to Baptist school, went to Catholic college. I've been exposed to a lot of religion in my life, a lot, and I know about it, and I've studied. I had a class in college called Jesus Christ, right? I have a problem. I lean more. I lean in the middle. I agree with some of the things that Jay says. I agree with a lot of the things that Mikey says too. My problem is this. I was going to church when I moved here. Then I stopped going, and I was talking to Mike about that yesterday, and I said he asked me. He didn't ask me. I told him.

2:21:34I go, I bet you notice I've stopped going to church. And he goes, well, yeah, but I'm not going to say anything to you. You know, because it's not how you are. You're not like that. No, no, no, no, no. Can I tell you? Yeah, yeah. Because I don't think I told you this yesterday. Every choice that I, you know, try. Every choice that I make, I try to make out of the owner's manual. And the owner's manual says, I'm not going to win you over by going, hey, what's up? How come you're not at church? Exactly. It isn't a Mike thing. It's a I'm trying to live it out thing. Right. That's one thing I can always say about you is that you do try to live it the way that it says, and you always have. My deal was, hey, I would miss a week or two, and people would be, hey, man, where are you? Where have you been? And I'm like, what are you, my dad? You guys know me.

2:22:26I don't like to be told what to do, nor do I like to be checked up on, nor do I like to have to answer roll call when I go to my place of worship to worship my God. And he's my God, too. And I pray and I believe in Jesus and the whole thing. You know, I'm going to just go ahead and say it. I was at Mike's thing the other day. A guy walked up to me and he said to me, hey, Woodsy, I'm surprised to see you here. And I said, oh, OK, well, I came to watch Mike do his testimony because I'm interested. And he goes, well, good. Hopefully some of it will sink in. And he turned and he walked away. My chin hit my chest. My wife's chin hit her chest. We stood there and we're like, and in my head, all of it. Who the F are you? Who are you? To say that to me. Broke my heart. Who are you? Immediately, all the goodness that I had in my heart, gone. And I, if it wasn't for you speaking, I would have been out the door. Dude. Doing my diatribe of, this is why I don't like churches. And this is why I don't like Christians and blah, blah, blah. It was devastating to me. I've said this so many times on the air, man. The biggest obstacle for Christianity is Christians. I know, dude. The biggest obstacle for Christianity is Christians. And that was nonsense. It killed me. It was nonsense. It killed me. And, you know. Dude, I got in my car and I was like, I told Jamie, I go, never again. I'm never going again.

2:23:56And I'm an idiot. And I do that. But I read the Bible. I pray. You know, my wife and I pray. And I believe. But it's just, I can't. It stands in my way. That stuff stands in my way of going to sit in a church and worshiping. It's so. I've used this analogy before. Some of you heard this. Some of you haven't. But I want to put it out there because I know there's a lot of people like Woods that go, yes, that's it. And I don't blame you. Oh, man, I don't blame you. So I just want to say this. Pick an actor that you really like and think is cool. Imagine you wanted to get to know that actor. Johnny Depp. All right, Johnny Depp. He's cool. I want to know Johnny Depp. He's the coolest. You are never going to have a personal relationship with Johnny Depp by getting to know his fans. I know. Because some of his fans are morons. Some of his fans are idiots. Some of his fans are stupid dummies that open their big fat mouths and say stupid things. Okay? And some of his fans are cool and together and with it and whatever. But really, in order to get to know Johnny, you got to get to know Johnny because Johnny may not share their opinions because they're people and they're dumb. So, you know, here we are. We're talking about the Bible, which was ultimately written by man. Yeah. So interpreted by man.

2:25:20So here's man's interpretation. I mean, there's things about their don't eat pork. There's things that, I mean, why would God care if two men or two women love each other that they could not be married? It makes zero sense to me. It's almost like the book needs to be updated to... It has been. It has been. How? And let me explain. And it breaks my heart a lot of times when I hear, you know, I saw this thing. There's like an atheist bit. I think Jack Black was in it. And it was this interpretation of the Bible. And one of the things that it was saying in there is, the Bible says don't eat shellfish. The Bible says blah, blah, blah. The Bible says this. The Bible says that. The Bible does say don't eat shellfish. And then Jay says, man, it's almost like it should be updated. Well, it was. It's called the New Testament. And in the New Testament, it says it's okay to eat anything that God made.

2:26:18It's okay to eat any of those animals. It is updated. And I remember watching that thing and I was like, you guys are something else that made this. Because you don't tell the whole story. Probably because you don't know the whole story. And that's half the battle, man. You don't know the whole story. Half the people that think that what they're doing is right and think what they're doing is good actually hurts. Oh, yeah. It hurts more than it helps. And, you know, I hope I'm not that man. I really never have been that to me. Yeah. I mean, and I try as you know, again, this is something that came up organically. We just kind of started talking about this. But you guys know most of the time what we are is joking around and stuff like this. But I love that when we get on serious topics. But, you know, those of you that know me know that this is the biggest part of my life. And so to me. It's really important to not turn people off and to not have people go, oh, that Mikey, he's a judgmental guy. Because I'm not. It's easy to get painted in that corner, too. What do you think about people that are Buddhist or that don't share your exact beliefs in the Bible as the King James Bible?

2:27:35Well, King James, I'd never read because I don't understand it. King James was written, by the way. It's like Shakespeare. I seriously don't understand it. And I read a translation called The Living Bible, which is like, I call it my bro Bible because it's practically like bro said to bro, what's up, bro? Yeah, it's true. But I don't know. What do you mean? I have a hard time subscribing to a particular religion as it would be because I've... I've traveled a little bit and I like to respect all different people and their different theologies and their beliefs. And I don't want to say that one's right over the other because I do believe a lot of it is man's interpretation. Well, but with saying that, you realize that the Buddhist believes that his God is Buddha. And so to the Buddhist, they believe that their religion is correct. Right, right, right. Just like I do. So I'm saying, do you think those people are wrong because they don't accept Jesus Christ as... Well, here's the way to answer that. The way to answer that is, do you think that Jesus... Now, everybody agrees on this. All religions. All religions believe that Jesus was a historical figure. Yes. Right? They all know that he was a real person that lived. They disagree on who he was. Right.

2:28:59So Christians believe that he was God. Uh, Islamics believe, and by the way, Jesus is written about in the Quran as a prophet. Okay. But all agree that he was a good dude. Really, really good dude. Okay. Now I'll just, I'm going to ask you L.O.B. Do you believe that Jesus Christ was a good man? Oh yeah, absolutely. Do you believe that he was a man? of high morals a man of high moral standing i do too from what you understand from what i understand word around the campfire right and i do too and that's why i have to ask myself would a man of extremely high moral standing including other religions believing he was a man of extremely high moral standing would a man of extreme high moral standing be a liar Because he said that there's only one way to God, that no other religions there are. See, he wouldn't even use the word religion to him. It was me. He said, it's me. I'm the only way. The only way that you get to him is through me. That to me is it means one of two things. Either he was a liar. He was just flat out a liar or he was a loon. Or he was just.

2:30:33Faith is a powerful conviction. But he believed, he told, he says, I'm God. If you've seen me, you've seen him. I'm him. And I'm the only way to it. I'm the way. And that is compelling to me. Because if he's good, if he's a good guy, if he's of high moral standing, is he a liar? Because he's either a liar or a nut job. You know? Or he had really, really strong faith. Faith in himself? In God. Well, he said he was God. Right. But, I mean, I don't know. I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he's God. Right. In fact, that's why they killed him. I mean, I know that he said that. I was there, and this is what I saw. Jay's dating himself a little bit, but he was there, and he did say that. Jay's birthday is B.C. Yeah. Jay's birthday is three. Three. Three. Oh, that's my header. Does it? I love it, though. I don't generally like to get into it. I love it. I love it. I could do it all day. There's a guy on the line that says that he doesn't like religion, but that's why it fascinates and intrigues him. Yeah, I feel the same way. Exactly. And I don't feel that way, but it is fascinating. It's not that I don't like it. I don't like the connotation that comes with someone being religious. Yes, I agree. I agree with that.

2:32:34More than anything. Oh, yeah. One more time. No way. One more time. Zero percent. Come on. The dance party. Oh, boy. Is Jerry Falwell done with his sermon? Oh, boy. Oh, man. Just asking. You listen to the whole thing? I wasn't giving a sermon, Captain Buzzkill. I was just sharing how I feel. I'm sorry if that upset you. Yeah. Do you have any gay people in your family? I'm sure I do. I'm sure everyone does. Maybe I just write a letter to Mr. Rick.

2:34:08I've got a feeling he'll be getting a few. About which part? The gay part, the religion part. The religion, which one? The cat crack. Yeah, I didn't realize that I was listening to the new Christian radio station in town. You're not. The beauty of it is you could have turned it off at any point. Absolutely. It really bothered you. Tune into, what's that show you like? Jagger and Christy. Jagger and Christy. Don't pretend you don't know that. I don't. I work at the same time, so I've actually never heard them, but maybe. Talk about crafts and stuff. Which you like. You told me that. Yeah. I do like crafts, and I think you should be talking more about them. I don't particularly like crafts. I do like girls, though. That is if Billy Graham is done with it. Look, man. Religion and... politics, and all that stuff is tough to talk about sometimes, and it's tough to share your opinions. Yeah, and maybe that's why he just keeps his big mouth. What about me? I was talking. I was talking about what happened to me. Yeah. You know what, Wood? What? I am getting sick and tired of you and your attitude. Are you? Yeah. Why don't you do something about it? Yeah, don't listen, or you can do something about it. Don't challenge me. I challenge you to a duel. Oh, snap.

2:35:29And I'm not talking a PlayStation duel or an Xbox duel. I'm talking about a real duel. PS3. I'm not talking about World of Warcraft duel. I mean a real duel. Mono a mono. You don't play World of Warcraft on a gaming system. You play it on your PC. I don't know that. Again, I like girls. I knew that. Duel. If you do, you're going to have some real problems without a GeForce graphic card. Woods plays fantasy football. Does that make him like a gamer? Yeah, I play fantasy football. I'm a nerd. Really? I don't. I like girls. Do you? Do you? Russian brides. You pay for girls real good. I don't pay for girls. Don't you? I don't. You pay to look at them on the internet. I do not. Don't you? You download pictures and print them out. I do not do that. Okay. You print pictures of them and hang it up in your basement. I have catalogs. Old school, huh? That's what I use when I was 12. You have pictures of, like, Rachel and Monica and Phoebe from Friends. Sick of this. Sick of this. He keeps listening and calling in. I find you guys so tired. No, you don't. And just boring. No, you don't. Stop listening. Keep listening. I'm not. I hope you keep calling in. I love it. And it's fun, man, to talk about things that are important sometimes. Do you guys just have meetings and be like?

2:37:08What can we do that you do that today? Actually, when we meet, I say, what's going to drive people insane? Yeah, especially CBK. And what is going to get under his oily, greasy skin? I don't have oily, greasy skin. Don't you? In my T-zone I do, but other than that, I don't. In my T-zone. Did you say in your T-zone? That would be the forehead, the bridge of the nose. Oh, I thought it was something else. Life. You should get a life. Get a girlfriend, man. Make love to her. Get a different phone. After you get married, of course. I have never addressed this. What? I have a girlfriend. Really? Yes. I do. What's her name? I forget. Yeah, exactly. Her name's Brenda, if you have to know. 90210? No. Brenda Walsh. She has a brother named Brandon.

2:38:16No. Best friend's name, Dylan. Hangin' with the Peach Pit. Match.com. With Steve. I don't even know what you guys are talking about. Don't you? Because I'm an adult. Really? And I watch shows that make a difference. Like what? Like Nova. PBS? Yes. I'm sure you don't know what that is, do you? I don't. I bet you're a big Tom Waits fan, too. Never heard of PBS, have you? You're a big Tom Waits guy, aren't you? Early stuff. Aren't you? Early stuff. Early stuff. Warren Zeevon. I bet you he's got every album Zappa's ever done. Probably, right? He really had it. Do you guys know who... Is it Chet Atkins? Chet Atkins? Chet Atkins? Trace Atkins. Trace Atkins. He's an AC country singer. One of the worst, by the way. He was on Chelsea lately? In my opinion.

2:39:17Yeah, but you don't like new country. You don't like anything. He did a song called Honky Tonk, Badonkadonk. Oh, that was him? That was him. And it may be the worst song ever made. Well, listen to this. He did this song and he got somebody upset with the song lyrics. Now, you talk about Matthew McConaughey and another song, but you pronounce his name differently. McConaughey. Holy cow. McConaughey. Wow. He got mad about it, but that's the only way it rhymed. He's like an M&M. Hey, he's an M&M. How mad did he get when he'd take his shirt off? He just went... Wow, just ripping him a new one? Passive aggressive, minus the passive. So here's the song. That's the worst song I've ever heard. It's so profound. I'm playing country now, I see. Boot wearer. Idiot.

2:40:53Snuff dipper. Cow roper. Laredo driver. Spur spinner. Diesel gas user. Tractor lover. Turd walker. Wrangler breaker in her. Two stepper. Calf brander. Steak eater. Mall shopper. Hunter. Hunter. Hunter gatherer. Allmark regular. Oh, man. Right here. Disposable camera user. Disposable camera user. Oh, man. There he is. Trace Adkins. I didn't know he was a hunky-tonk-padonk-donk guy. Yeah. Unfortunately. We got new releases? Yes, sir. Let's do some. You want me to rip them off? Yeah. We need a break. We do. We should break. Sugar. Man. I'm exhausted.

2:42:04Let's see, what shall we use as music? Oh, really? The sultry sounds of Lauren O'Brien? Do you remember what you were wearing? No, it wasn't anything sexy. Gosh. Wow. Wow. That's pretty good. That's really good. L.O.B., did your family listen to that when you were growing up? I don't know if my family did, but I heard it somehow. Yeah. Uncles or something? Yeah. Radio. Yeah. Classic rock. When I was growing up, it was just rock. Hmm. Now. Now it's classic rock. It's kind of like Mexican food and food. You know what's classic rock now? Def Leppard. Yeah. The cult. Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi. Yeah. It's classic rock. I know. Old band. One of these days, stained, will be classic rock. Yeah. Crazy. I heard Aaron Lewis on Howard yesterday. Yeah.

2:43:45And he has gone country for a solo record. Gone country. Yeah, and it is god-awful. Awful. Who isn't going country these days? It's terrible. 50 Cent's going to go country. The name of the song was called Country Boy. Really? And I was like, oh, no, Aaron, no. Sing some whiny songs that you're in love with somebody that doesn't love you back or something. I want to hear it. It's bad. Is it on iTunes? Maybe. He did it live on Howard Acoustic yesterday, so maybe it's not out yet, but it's called Country Boy, and it's by Aaron Lewis, and it ain't great. You got new releases, Woodsy? Mm-hmm. What do you got? All that remains, for we are many. It's like right on the verge of Cookie Monster. In the background, you hear Cookie Monster in the background. Badly Drawn Boy, part one, photographing snowflakes. That's a band? Badly Drawn Boy is a guy. It's a band. Dude. He's good. He's good. Uh-oh, Mikey's got a gun. No, don't put it in your mouth. I like that guy, man. You do? Yeah, some of his older stuff's really good. I'm not that blown away by my first badly drawn boy. I'll play you some stuff you'd like. Yeah, okay. Belle and Sebastian write about love. You just making bands up? Love them.

2:45:44One of those bands I've been meaning to check out a lot of. One of those bands in February. You just put the top down drive around Sweden, man. Yeah. Sweden. I've heard. Just drive through Scandinavia with the top down in the middle of January. You like that melody? The wind blowing through your hair. It's about four degrees outside. I wouldn't go to a live show, but. I just got tickets. Indigo Girls. Halle Happy Days. Just like a live session or something? It is. Bob Dylan song, man. I'd rather hear them sing than Bob Dylan, I promise you that. That sounds like a half-dead corpse. See, Woods said, last week I was playing some blues thing, and Woods is like, ugh, he doesn't really like the blues. And I go, how can you not like that? He's like, dude, I just can't picture putting that on in my car and cruising around. That's what I...

2:46:47Here when I hear that, I'm like, I just can't picture putting that on in the car. I'm weird, man, with blues. I like when Clapton does the blues. I like when Zeppelin does the blues. I'm fine with that. It's like the old blues. I'm like, oh, my God, really? Albert King, really? What else? Lady Antebellum, A Merry Little Christmas. No, you don't. We don't have that. Oh. Merry Little Christmas. How about Less Than Jake, TV slash EP? You think bands just write blink checks? Yeah. Blink checks. That is the iCarly opening credits. It's a girl. It's a Slema Gomez, whatever her name is. I wonder if Blink-182 just gets checks in the mail. Yeah, for that. From other bands. How about Meat Beat Manifesto? Answers come in dreams. That sounds like a movie. Like a Bourne Identity scene or something. I like songs that sound like movies. You're a big Meat Beat Manifesto guy. As many times as I can say Meat Beat Manifesto, I'm going to.

2:48:15So that's a new Meat Beat Manifesto. This is The Orb featuring David Gilmour from Pink Floyd, Metallic Spheres. It's all instrumental. Each song is about 20 minutes in length. Here's Darius Rucker. Which is exactly like the last Meat Beat Manifesto. Hootie. Speaking of going country. Hootie's country. Don't bug me, because I can sing along. I like sing-alongs. Sister Hazel, Heartland Hunter. Wow, Sister Hazel. Country. Is everybody doing a country bit? Is it supposed to be country? Sounds like every band is starting to do country vibe. Still money in Nashville. Sufjan Stevens, The Age of Ads. Music to take heroin with.

2:49:42If I walked into my girlfriend's apartment and this was playing, I'd walk right out. You'd think she's going to kill you. Get in my car and I would drive until I saw the other ocean. What if she had candles going and she was writing? She was sharpening a knife behind her back. Oh, stop it. What if she had candles going and she was writing? And you're like, what are you doing, a seance? No. You're doing a seance, babe? Just relax. Why are you playing this music and you have candles and you're just writing? I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. Why does it smell like incense in here? You're a witch. Were you smoking marijuana? What? As far as you know. Ready for this one? I'm not a witch. What? Wilson Phillips. Oh, Mikey. A little early for Christmas record, ladies. Okay, okay, okay. I know a little bit of something about... Putting out a Christmas song? Yeah, you do. That ain't right. That ain't no Christmas song, man. So forced. Yeah. That ain't no Christmas song. Hi, Hill. Hi, Hillary. Sit down and have some eggs. Yes, enjoy. I'll give you a Christmas song. Oh, please. Have you heard it yet, Hill? That's a cutie. You know I have to tell you. There we go. Yesterday, it was maybe around 1.30 or so, I was on the air and someone called. He calls every once in a while.

2:51:29funny guy. He requested some song. I forget what it was. And he said, it's a dedication. And I was like, he said, it's for, can you say it's for Lauren from Santa? Oh my God. Stop it. It's my life. It's my new life. I love it, girl. Please don't play this part. I hate this part. If you did it live, is this the part where you would swing the boa? Yes. Totally. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I would maybe take my glove off. One finger at a time. Bite the last one off. Yes. And maybe smack a fella in the face with it. And let it hang on his head. Just do one little curtsy and walk away. Wag my finger in his face. Oh, my God. I love the burlesque show. I know. Sold. Right before she kisses the palm of her hand and blows it. Ew. One really thing I need is a deed. To a platinum mime. Those are the words. To a platinum mime. She's holding the lyrics on a piece of...

2:52:59paper that she just got fresh off the printer. Singing into headphones, using headphones as a mic. Oh boy. This is unfair. You guys are taking advantage of my kindness. Oh, yeah. For the rest of your life. I love your bravery. Thanks, Hill. It was supposed to last for one day, but it never was agreed upon. I think it is so cute. If you were a dude and your girlfriend did that for you, yes, you would eat it up. Every guy would. The beauty of it is that it was meant for two people and thousands are enjoying it. Yes. That keeps on giving. That is the beauty. Hill, what do you got coming up? Oh, I grabbed some Against Me, a new Phoenix song. Well, not technically new, but a new one we're playing. Yeah. And some U2. We'll start off with Black Keys. Nice. Yeah. My keys into the Black Keys now. I love it. Oh, good. Love the Black Keys. It's about time, moron. It's about time. And you've got to start listening to their older records, too. Which one do you think he should get?

2:54:04Thick Freakness. You could get that one. Oh, yeah. We'll get you set up. Jaw fixed up, sweetly. Rubber factory. Sounds like something you'd buy. Yeah, Thick Freakness and Rubber Factory. As seen on TV. Get the Thick Freakness. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next. Come back tomorrow at 6 and do it again. Mike shows up late.