The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/18/10

2:12Nice and fresh from a weekend of fun and frivolity. Welcome, everybody. It's a Mikey show. 6.03 in the morning in case your alarm clock has gone off and you're wondering. On a rainy Monday. I'm Mike. That's Woodsy. It's L.O.B. Sienna's not here, but she will be a week from tomorrow. Sienna will be back on the show with us a week from tomorrow. That's really awesome. And let's see. Jay is our producer. He's 47 years of age. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. It's Will. It's Will. Word of the day. Today is huge. That's the word of the day. No, no, no. That's not the word. How much is it worth, Jay? I'm going to have you work on that because he wrote it to us and I don't know where it is. But work on that. I'll hunt it down.

3:20It's a lot. I know it's over $500. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Today's word of the day is candelabra. Okay. That's the word of the day. Sometime between now and 10 o'clock, I will use the word candelabra in a sentence. All right. 441.20. That's what it is. Man. Pretty rad. It's money. Yeah. That's what it's worth. Here is what it is. to UFC 121 in Anaheim this Saturday. To actually go to Anaheim and see it. To actually go to Anaheim and get to see UFC 121. It's worth $441. Killer. Yeah. So you're listening for the word candelabra. You will hear that word sometime between now and 10. When you do, call us at 570-1949. And that's what you win.

4:23Really, really cool prize today. And then don't forget, Kevin and Brooke are coming on at 830. Kevin and Brooke, this is not a new country group. Here's who Kevin and Brooke are. This guy, about two weeks ago now, or a week and a half ago, asked his girlfriend, Brooke, to marry him. And she didn't answer. So he called us. He's like, what do you guys think of that? Blah, blah, blah. We got Brooke to come on the next day and discuss it. And here's how it sounded. And tomorrow would make one week since he proposed to you. And you have not brought it up. Well, I'm definitely one of those types of people that...

5:21I like to really think about stuff before I make a decision. And I really don't ever want to say anything that I don't mean. I didn't want to say yes and then later go back and go, you know, I'm having... This is like the first time she's actually saying anything about it. He probably feels better. Yeah, he's listening. But, you know, we live together. We, you know, bump into each other all the time. Is this a decision that you think that you'll make within the next few days, or do you think it's a decision that you'll make within the next few weeks? For his sake, I will decide in the next couple days just because I know that he must not be feeling very good right now. Okay. She made a decision. Over the weekend, Jay confirmed that she's coming on, but we didn't know if she was coming on. Did you purposely tell her, don't tell me? Yeah. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Yeah. So we don't know. They're both coming on at 8.30. Can't wait. What's your guess? Oh, my gosh. What do you think? If she said no, she's a monster. I don't think she'd come on if the answer was no. I kind of feel the same way. Yeah. There's a small, small part of me that says that she's still asking for more time. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. I know. Really? I don't know. Is that an answer? Her answer was, I need more time.

6:46There's a small part of me that thinks that. Jay? You know, gosh, he didn't sound unhappy when I talked to him. See, that's the way I'm leaning because I'm like, who comes on? Right. What girl comes on? Yeah. I think most likely it's a yes, but there's a small part of me that's like, she sounded very hesitant. Yeah. Oh, man. If you say, I need more time, you know, that's... Most girls, when they see the guy on one knee, he's got the ring, the whole thing. Right. She's like, I'm in. I'm in. Of course. We'll find out at 830. They're both coming on the show at 830. How about the Chargers? Whoa. Yeah. Panic time? 100%. Sure. Four road losses. Oh, yeah.

7:49Panic time. What's our record? Two and four. Two and four. Yeah, and you've lost to the Seahawks, the Rams, and the Raiders. We beat the Jaguars. Yeah, you beat the Jags. Somebody else. Peewee football team. Yeah. Dude, two and four. Two and four is bad. Listen. Just in case you didn't know. I follow some of the San Diego Chargers on Twitter. And on Saturday, Ryan Matthews, rookie running back, Does anybody have any ideas about where I can get a charger for my iPhone in St. Louis? Just touch down. Then I read a tweet from Sean Phillips Saturday night that said, want to eat at a good restaurant. Anybody have any suggestions? And I'm like, huh. Now, I also follow Larry Fitzgerald. And that dude is always like.

8:51Let's do this thing. He's a beast. I thought you were going to say that Ryan Matthews had like a play on words because you said charger and touchdown. I thought you were being like, oh, he was being really clever. No, he was literally looking for a charger. Literally just worried about a charger. He needed the charger for his iPhone. Okay. And I don't know. My deal has always been, I love him, but Norv, you know, I've always gone, man, if there's a different guy, because aren't they a reflection of the head coach? You know, if there was a different. But then there's arguments to that. Woods pointed out Mike Singletary in San Francisco. He's a real fiery guy. Oh, yeah. You know, they're losing. Finally got a win. But we have a real talented squad. And that's the thing, LLB. So talented. That's the thing is the talent is there, and it's just like in Dallas. I mean, the talent is there. You have some really talented dudes. Look at your turd head coach that you have. In Dallas. Yeah. And, you know, it's the exact same thing here.

9:53They need a fire underneath their butts. Yeah, yes. Two freaking Ferraris, dude, with flat tires. Yeah. You know, for sure. Hey, by the way, you know, this is just one man's opinion and one woman's opinion. Woods' opinion. Another man. Maybe you feel differently, you know. Maybe you feel that the reason for this is something completely different. Well, they're tired of hearing the bit of... Hey, this is what we always do. You know, this is what we do. We're going to rattle off some wins. Antonio Gates said, listen, I'm tired of talking about what we used to be. We keep saying it. We're going to look up. We're going to be 2-8. I mean, that's the truth. 5-7-0, 1-94-9. What's the problem? Because they still have top-ranked offense and defense. They just can't get it together. I guess. I don't know. But they lost to the Rams. Yeah, they gave up seven sacks. Seven sacks? Yeah, he got sacked seven times, Phillip Rivers. That's terrible. Terrible. Whose phone is that? Uh-oh. Yeah. That's insane. It's the stupidest thing. The Rams. Listen, I love the Chargers. I'm just sick of this, man. I'm sick of the underperforming. I want them to go out there and just put the hammer down. And you know what? They got, you know, in the last few minutes of the game, they got their backs against the wall.

11:19And Phillip Rivers goes out there and starts throwing long and connecting with Patrick Creighton. And I understand that there was a couple of injuries during the game. Malcolm Floyd had a hammy during the game. Gates has an ankle. Gates has an ankle. I get it. I understand. But towards the end of that game, man, when their backs were against the wall, Phillip Rivers was slinging it. Creighton's catching it. They're moving down the field. It makes you go. Well, why don't they do that the whole game? Yeah. They do that the whole game long. What is the problem, though? I don't know. I'm just curious what your opinion is. If you're a Charger fan, I'm just curious what you think. M1 Dillon from Encinitas. What do you think? They're not as good as they thought they were? No. Coach is thinking. I mean, I don't know. I'm not a football player. I was a wrestler and a baseball player. I don't know. Seems like they got talent. I hate watching them. I hate watching them. Me too. It drives me crazy. Drives me nuts. I have a heart attack. Maybe we should have stuck with Marty. You know what, dude? I love you for saying that. I don't know, man. Marty didn't take a Super Bowl. Oh, we love you for saying that. Yeah, he needed just a little bit more time. Yeah, one more year. Yeah, I guess. Have a good Monday, guys. Thank you, bro. Maybe he just needed another year. Yep. I don't know. He's never won a Super Bowl. I love Marty, but never went to the Super Bowl with Marty. Well, it's bad. It's bad right now.

12:48Yeah, man. It should be. A.J. Smith is not a patient man. But you know what? My wife said, well, if they don't make it to the playoffs and they have a losing season, they'll fire Norv, right? And I said, no way. And she goes, why not? I said, because then A.J. would be admitting he made a mistake. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that likes to admit very often when he's wrong. You know what I mean? No. And that will be. admitting that he made a mistake. Because a lot of people are saying, maybe we need a change at head coach. And he's sitting there going, you don't know anything, and I know what's up. And that's my guy. And that's my guy, and you're wrong. Everyone keeps pointing at special teams. Dude, they had a field goal blocked yesterday. It's unbelievable. Oh my gosh. Unbelievable. And you don't fire your... No. I mean, stuff like that should be automatic, dude. No, you're going to say, well, it's because we don't have David Bennett long snapper, and we have a problem at long snapper. Well, how about figuring it out? Quit crying and fix it. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. M1, Steve from Encinitas. Hey, guys. What's up? Hey, I know Woods was talking to San Diego fans and stuff. They're lazy and don't follow. Well, here's why. Now you've been here for a little while. And then also, what's the deal? Do they not watch all the films during the week?

14:14It's like every week that's horrible until halftime. They seem to make these adjustments at the half. If they can get coached up before the game instead of during the game, they may be okay. Maybe coach them up before the game. That's a great idea. They must be lazy during the week. Maybe don't worry about your iPhone. Maybe don't worry about where you're having dinner. Maybe watch some film. Maybe work hard at practice. I mean, you've got to beat the Rams if you're the Chargers. You've got to. My wife. It might be a coaching thing if they're not correct films or they're not studying the team is what it seems like. Exactly, dude. Thank you, man. I can't believe my wife made this point yesterday. But I, yeah, I think you're right. She goes, you know what they don't? She goes, they don't seem to have this passion for winning. Like, we're going to win. No matter what. We're beasts. We're animals. Phillip does. We're fired up. Yeah. That's about it. Phillip Rivers has a look all the time like he wants to single-handedly win that game. Everybody else is like, eh. Yeah. Even Ryan Matthews. Yeah. Maybe they should listen to the POD song before the game. Maybe they should. Just get amped up. Get all fired up with the Chargers song. It's ridiculous. I couldn't believe it. I was on the plane yesterday coming back from Vegas.

15:36I looked at my scores. I go, now that can't be right. I know that's not right. I know that didn't say 20 to 17. Rams. Yeah, because they're playing the Rams. That's four road losses, man. Oh, my goodness. 0 for 4 on the road. Maybe they're so good that they create these losses just because they need the motivation. They're like, we're so good. That good. You know what they want to do? What? They want to lull all the other teams to sleep and then come in sweetly and pounce. I don't know. I just want you to imagine this for a second. Imagine that rock-solid bottom jaw of Bill Cower wearing a lightning bolt. Wow.

16:48on his shirt. Wow. Prowling. Wow. Prowling the sideline. Prowling the sideline. Just spitting. Yes, spitting. And Sean Phillips gets a sack and comes off the field and Coward grabs his face mask and is slapping his helmet. That a boy. That a boy. So rad. Maybe we can just... Did that do anything to anybody? Absolutely. We can lure him out of retirement maybe. Come here. Pretty little guy. Yeah, you give that guy a quarterback. You give that guy, you know, some of the pieces that are in place. That's right. Forget it. Guys are great. And suddenly the team starts playing with an anger. Yeah. We need meaner jerseys. Yeah. Maybe the powder blue is just softening them up. I don't know what it is. All I know is that we need a flame, like L.O.B. said. We need a flame. M1 Rob from PB. Hey, what's going on, guys? What's up? Hey, man, there's a problem with your theory about lulling the other teams to sleep. I was joking, actually. I know. But you know what a charger actually is, right? What? It's the knight on the old battlefield that used to go out and charge before everyone else. Oh, really? Well, that's why the old logo is all about the knight and the horse. It kind of just took the light bulb. That's kind of cool.

18:23I get it. I get it. Yeah, well, we need something, dude. Like William Wallace. Thank you. M1 Chad from San Diego. Hey, how's it going, Mikey? Good. Good. You know what they got to do? They got to get rid of Nate Kading. What's the Nate Kading issue? Well, it's the field goals. I mean, you saw yesterday what happened with the missed field goal right there. And, you know, the score is only three points difference at the end of the game. Yep. You know? Well, you got to figure. You got to figure, though, bro. I mean. I think for the most part, Nate Kading's a pretty solid kicker, and kickers are going to miss, you know? But I don't know. I mean, what do I know? He's been pretty accurate. I mean, obviously he had the bad game in the playoffs last year, and, you know, yesterday didn't help his case. But he's a pretty accurate kicker. I mean, you're not going to find really who you're going to get that's better than him right now. You know, that's the thing. Yeah. Hey, thanks for the call. No problem. Thanks, man. You guys are awesome. Thank you, bro. Woodsy had a heck of a weekend. Man.

19:20He saw Dovetone's Alice in Chains Friday night and Saturday night because he traveled to Las Vegas and stayed at the Hard Rock and saw him there on Saturday. Ridiculous. Easy big time. Seriously, ridiculous weekend. So much fun. I bet. I had two guys flying from Dallas, two of my good buddies. Dude, we went surfing Friday. I took those guys out in the water. They had a blast. I mean, this to them is like, you know. Disneyland. Yeah. It's so great. I love that picture. You jump it up all three. You jump it up. Did you see that? Yeah. So great. So then we went to Vegas on Saturday. But, dude, Deftones, Alice in Chains, those guys rocked the house. What about Mastodon? I saw Mastodon in Vegas. I was like, eh. But I didn't see him in San Diego. I wasn't going to bring this up, but I want you to tell everybody. What? About what's texted me. Oh, my gosh. Thinking of you, dot, dot, dot. The Cantrell story? Yeah. All right, so Jerry Cantrell, for those of you that don't know, is the guitar player, chief songwriter in Alice in Chains with Lane Staley back in the day, and he's a legend. I mean, the guy's a great guitar player, does all the backup vocals. Well, he was walking out of the hotel to go to Soundcheck, and Jamie and I are walking in, and I go, babe, babe, babe, that's Jerry Cantrell. And she goes, oh, yeah, it sure is. So what did I do?

20:41Complete dork out. I go, go get him, Jerry. Did he say, thanks, man? No. He didn't say a word. He looked at me and goes, nodded through his head back like, yeah. Oh, boy. What did you say? On the text, you were like, what do I think he's pitching? Yeah, what do I think he's throwing a double header? Go get him, Jerry. He's like, knock him dead, buddy. Oh, so embarrassed. Hey, Jerry, rock him. Rock the house tonight. Let's get one in the win column. Jamie. Like, buried her head in her hands. It's like, oh, boy, you just did that, didn't you? Knock him down. Yeah, go get him, kid. High five. Such an idiot. That's like my Drew Brees moment. Yeah, it's like your Drew Brees. Hey, Drew. It's me, Mikey. Day after Drew Brees gets his shoulder knocked in here in San Diego. Last game as a Charger, right? His last game as a Charger. He busted his labrum in his shoulder. It was his last game as a Charger, and it happened in the playoffs. We lost.

21:42So it's the day after. It's raining. We're at the Flower Hill Mall, and we went to see my whole family, me, my mom, my dad, Rebecca, her mom. We all went on this rainy Sunday because the playoff game was on a Saturday. Rainy Sunday. We go see the movie Munich. This is a beating in itself. Of course. It's so sad and depressing. And who's in there? Drew Brees in a sling. Oh. And so at the end of the movie, I get out of my seat. He gets out of his seat. And he's like right next to me. And we're walking out. Because when you're walking out of the movie theater. Side by side. You're side by side. Just cattle being herded out. Yeah, herded out. And he had been on the Mikey show earlier that season. Happier time. And I go, hey, Drew, what's up? It's me, Mikey.

22:43Remember when you were in the studio and you remember you were talking about how you like, I asked you about what music is on in your CD player. Remember when you were in the Chargers? Remember? And I was like, yeah, man, love to get you back on, you know? And he was like, mm-hmm. Please leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Like, first of all, I just saw the most depressing movie of my life. Yeah. And second of all, I just. Played the worst game. I'm in a sling. I'm on pain pills. I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I'm going to recover from this. You never play again. But there's Mikey from the radio. Fat Mikey. Let me talk to Mikey. Yeah. My wife was like, let's go see a movie, get your mind off it. And I agreed. Even though it's packed.

23:36And I get to walk outside right now with rain falling all over my face as I wait for her to pull up in the car. And every fan in the world is talking about what I don't want to talk about. My sling's getting wet. My sling is getting soaked. Oh, man. So anyway, that was pretty good. And my family and I went to the pumpkin patch. Every year we go to the pumpkin patch. Which one? It's in Encinitas. Go to this pumpkin patch. And Rebecca lets me or lets Jake pick out any pumpkin that he wants. For what? To carve or just to have? To carve. Nice. And so I said, you know, she goes, babe, can you take his right before we were leaving? Babe, can you take Jake and let him pick out a pumpkin? Yeah, sure. So we walk and I go, all right, buddy, you get to pick out any pumpkin you want. And he goes, okay. And I said, so go ahead and pick one. So he picks this pumpkin and I go, are you sure that's the one that you want? And he goes, yeah. All right. It weighs about as much as your typical lunchbox. Empty. Couldn't be happier. I couldn't have been happier. It's roughly the size of a small cantaloupe. Wow.

25:08And Rebecca goes, really? That's the best thing we can do. She goes, really? And I go, I am not going to steal the dreams of a child. It's got about a nine inch stem on that thing, too. Yeah, it's hysterical. I'm not going to deny. You might. Maybe you would. But I am not going to deny a child his wish. of a pumpkin. I am not going to impose my views of religion or pumpkins or politics upon my child. Somebody was just happy not to have to carry a heavy pumpkin. 100%. So then I did the bit when we were leaving where I was carrying it and I was like, oh. Pretending like it's so heavy. Yeah. Yeah, because a typical kid who's four years old is going to be like, I want that one. And it's 15 feet wide. You know? Jake, he doesn't care. He just wanted to go on the jumpy stuff. He's not gluttonous. He's such a good kid. He wants a perfectly well-rounded pumpkin. We quit going to the pumpkin patch. Why? Because all my kids still like to carve pumpkins. So we have to get six of them. They're $40 at the pumpkin patch. You can go to Trader Joe's and you get them for five bucks.

26:23But what about the pumpkin patch experience, the pumpkin patch? You can still go to the pumpkin patch. You just don't have to buy your pumpkins there. You get pictures taken, all that bit. Did your kids freak out when they went to the pumpkin patch and they couldn't get the pumpkin there anymore? No. Did you actually take them to the pumpkin patch again? Oh, absolutely, yeah. You did? Yeah, they like to go jump on the slides. We used the pumpkin patch. It's like $80,000 a jump, by the way. Really? Because what are you going to do? Maybe we'll take the dogs down there, get some pics made. You should. We should. You should do it. We've just got a rundown of the scores from yesterday in the NFL. Going to update you on State of the Baseball playoffs. Don't forget, we've got Kevin and Brooke coming on at 830. Find out what she said about them getting married. And also, what big-name rap star wants to buy an NFL team? I'll tell you after this. I got mine by the keys. So, the word of the day is candelabra. And I'll say that word sometime between now and 10 o'clock. I'll weave it into a sentence. Today's word of the day is worth $441. It's a pair of tickets to go see the UFC in Anaheim this Saturday. UFC 121. You get to go. And don't forget, we get to find out what Brooke said to Kevin. Had them on last week talking about he wants to get married.

28:22She didn't answer him. She gave him an answer, and none of us know what the answer is. We'll find out. And right now, direct from Costa Rica, M1HM Rojas is on the line. How are you, my darling? We're good. How are you? I'm pretty good. Today's a holiday. It's Culture Day, a takeoff from Columbus Day, but we don't really talk about Columbus in good light. Culture Day in Costa Rica. That's great. Culture Day. There you go. What's going on? Do you guys remember when I was sick a couple weeks ago? Yeah. Well, I went to a doctor, and he lives down the street from me, and he's friggin' hot. I was thinking about it, and I decided, you know what? I'm just going to go ask this doctor out. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. She posted this on my wall, and then her dad wrote underneath it, what? My gosh. Wait, wait, wait. Let me walk through this process. What was your ailment? What was my what? What was your ailment? What were you sick with? Oh, it was.

29:31He said it was a viral infection, which meant probably just a cold or a flu. Okay, so you went in there and you had a cold. Yeah. Okay, and he examined you. Did you have a cold? I examined you. So he examined you, right? Yeah. You thought he was hot. Yeah. What do you look like? What do you look like? Well, I mean, he was young. He looks probably about 28. Tall, dark hair. Handsome. Costa Rican, right? He's Costa Rican. He speaks English, though. So how long did you wait before you went back? To ask him out? Yes. Probably a week. I think it was about a week. In Costa Rica, can you just walk in and see a doctor, or do you have to make an appointment? Well, we have universalized health care here, so you can go to this thing called Bacaja, and you can go to, like, a very public doctor. But most people prefer to go to... Okay, so you opted to not do La Caca. You wanted to go back. You made an appointment to go see him. Just walked right in. Since it's Costa Rica and we're San Diego, you can say his name. Dr. what? It's Dr. Morales. So you walk in.

30:57You walk in and do you say to the receptionist, hi, can I speak to Dr. Morales? There was no receptionist that day. She leaves from like, I guess early, probably around four or something. So when you walked in, there's no receptionist, just him? Yeah. Oh, wow. So you took off all your clothes. Oh, boy. And so when you walked in, was he sitting at the reception desk? No. The way it works is, okay, so everything's gated around here because there's a lot of theft. And so I had to ring the bell so that he can open the gate for me. Wow. So there you are ringing the doorbell so that he'll open the gate. And he comes out and opens the gate? Yeah, comes out, opens the gate. He's like, hi, how are you? I'm like, I'm good. Oh, I'm good. I'm better. I'm much better. Although my roommate's sick, so that's unfortunate. Yeah, she got like three shots. Crazy. Yeah.

31:58Do you want to go to drinks and go get some drinks sometime or something? Wow. And? He just, like, brightens up, and he's like, yeah, of course. Cajones. Get some. Get some. But I'm not going to lie. I wasn't this confident then. I went to the office, but then I walked past it, and I walked around for, like, 15 minutes. You can do this. You have to do this. Oh, my gosh. H.M. Rojas, now you know what men have felt like since the beginning of time. Yeah. Oh, please. I'm telling you. He was crazy. More women should do that. Imagine doing that, H.M., at 21 years old when you're morbidly obese and you have faux tortoiseshell glasses on. Imagine it then, okay, because that was my life.

33:01All right. So did you guys go out already? No. She's like, yeah, he's laying right next to you right now. Yeah, you want to say hi? Hola. Hola. Maybe you can get a free checkup. Soy Dr. Morales. Imagine. You have not gone out for drinks yet? No, he had to cancel because he had like an 8 o'clock appointment. I guess he's like a workaholic or something. But he goes out on Wednesday. Okay, kind of nervous about this because I've never asked anyone out before, and I haven't been on a first date in a little while because, I don't know, my last relationship ended like maybe like three months. H.M.? H.M.? Yeah. Are you sure? Don't anybody skewer me for this. Don't anybody slay me for this. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Don't anybody get angry at me. Stop. I am a caring soul. Are you sure that he doesn't have a girlfriend and that he is not in any relationship? Oh, I thought you were going to say that he's a serial killer or something. No. Okay. So everyone's been asking me this. That's why I knew what you were going to say. But for now, he doesn't have a friend. He said that he's, like, free, like, all day this week. So, I mean, every day this week after work. So I'm just like, okay, you know, so much free time.

34:25You have a girlfriend. Yeah, because, you know, it doesn't matter where you are. Dudes are in short supply. Good looking doctors. You got to wonder. You're like, wow, dude, why is dude single? Maybe it's just luck of the draw. He's out of a relationship. Yep. He works a lot. He works a lot. Maybe he likes to slay a lot. Yeah, I'm putting all my money on works a lot. Yeah. Okay. Sir works a lot. Sir works a lot. Sir works a lot. Señor. Señor. Now, my call screener thing says, H.M., that you were calling about a Halloween costume. Is that correct? No. I wanted to know, like, what's your name? She talks to us through Skype. Yeah. She talks to us through Skype, so sometimes the buffering has an issue. Say it again. I want to know your opinion on a really good first date outfit. First date. First date outfit. Less is more. I say something classy. What? Something classy yet form-fitting. Yes, I agree with that. Sexy shoes. Show some calf. That's it. Just shoes. Calf? Yeah, some leg. Show some leg. I say get your toenails done. Oh, yeah. And I also say wear some sort of anklet. Anklet?

35:50Yeah, isn't that a bracelet that goes around your ankle? No, you don't wear the ankle. No, leave the ankle at all. All right, toe jewelry, toe jewelry. No. It's hot. 87. I say the classy thing, and then if you can, just a little cleave, just a little, just a hint. I get killed for wearing one of those bracelets around your ankle, but then everybody's like, show a little cleave. Just a little bit. You have an anklet. Just because you wear an anklet doesn't mean that. The ladies need to wear it. A charming look. And just because you're showing a little cleave, Mike. Just because you have a toe ring doesn't mean the ladies need one. How dare you. A toe ring with your birthstone on it. A mood ring that changes colors. Yeah, I say something classy yet form-fitting. Oh, yeah. Agreed. Okay. Let's go with that then. And smell real good. Smell real good, yeah. Great perfume. How about that, H.M. Rojas? Sounds good. I have this huge smile. I'm, like, really excited for this date. Call us. Let us know how it goes. I want to hear. Yeah, when is it? It's on Wednesday. All right, call us Thursday morning and let us know. Tell us how he was. Oh, boy. As a human being. As a human being. Mike. Mike, you pervert. You're so creepy. What kind of a serial killer are you, Mike? I cannot believe you. Thank you, H.M. Okay, I love you guys. Love you.

37:20Love you a long time. Get some. That's Jay's catchphrase. Get some. So what rap star, or not rap star, hip hop guy, do you think wants an NFL team? I'll give you two guesses. Well, who can afford it? No, Jay-Z's got a basketball team. He wants a basketball team. He wants the Knicks, right? No, the Nets. He's going to move them to Brooklyn. Yeah? Yeah. Who else can afford it? I mean, there's one name. Michael Jackson, but he's not alive. He's dead. Sean Puffy Combs. You know it, L-O-B. You know it. Yeah, he, you know, the guy's done everything you can do. He's music, fashion, you know, restaurant, booze, the whole thing. And he says basically, you know, there's no black owners in the NFL and I want to be the first. Well, that's fine, but he's got to adhere to the rules and regulations, you know. Can't have the team turn into some hip-hop thing. That's not appropriate. What do you mean? It's the same thing as if you were to get some rock star that bought the team and he wants to suddenly turn it into some, like, you walk in and there's skull and crossbones and junk like that. Like, come on, man. I think, you know, did he, I think he'll do, I think he'll do it the right way. Yeah, he's a businessman. He's a businessman. He wants to make money. Yeah. You know, I think he'd be, I think he'd be good. I say have at it. I know, have a ball, man. You want to blow your money? Go ahead. Let's see.

38:46All right, let's do a little bit of this. Yeah. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Man, what a weekend for baseball, for the NFL. So I'm going to give you quickly the baseball. Yankees are tied with the Rangers one game apiece. Game three is tonight at Yankee Stadium. Cliff Lee against Andy Pettit. Going to be ridiculous. Roy Halladay actually got beat. The other night. Cody Ross got him for two homers, which is pretty rad, but the Phillies and Giants are now tied at one game apiece. They will continue tomorrow. Totally uneducated statement. It's a feeling that I have. I don't think the Rangers stand a chance tonight. You are out of your mind. I don't think they stand a chance tonight. Cliff Lee is their ace. I understand. Nothing would make me happier than to slit his throat. I know that's true. I'm just saying I have this feeling.

39:58Oh, I hope you're right. That the Rangers don't have a chance tonight. You're a wise little sage. All right. And I will believe you. Emphasis on little. Yes. All right, so I'm going to rip through the NFL scores, too. The Eagles, L-O-B, over the Falcons, 31-17 yesterday. Kevin Cobb looking pretty good, man. The guy threw three touchdowns. Yeah. So the dog killer may not get back in for a while. Oh, my gosh. You have to call him the dog killer. 100%. Goodness. The Dolphins over the Packers, 23-20. The Rams over the Chargers. Let's hear from your guy, your leader, your head coach, North Turner. Cut one. They had a mixture of glitches. They had a mixture of coverages. We had a couple. That we didn't have planned for. They had coverages that we've never seen in the history of the National Football League. We went out there, and I looked at all my assistants, and I said, I don't know if this is a magic spell. I don't know if this is some sort of voodoo. I don't know what it is they're doing, but I have never seen anything like this. Somebody is going to write this down, and for the rest of history in the NFL, this will go down as the single most creative day in National Football League history because of what they did. It's in there where we had mental errors. We had situations where we got pressured and beat, and then we had a couple where they did a good job of covering us.

41:25I can't play the game. All I can do is coach it. That's right. I can just stand there. All you can do is stand there. All I can do is stand there and look mad. Phillip Rivers yesterday had a pretty good game. He was 22 of 37 for 249 yards and a TD. Here he is talking about just kind of what's going on with their bunch, man. Cut to. From my standpoint, I wasn't as accurate as I can be and should be. You know, you miss a few third down throws and you're punting. Those are huge possessions. And then the one turnover down in there. That's a good quarterback, man. He's great. And you're right, Woods. He's the one that looks fired up. He does. He does, man. It looks like he comes to play, and he's ready and prepared every week. But the Texans over the Chiefs, 35-31. The Giants beat the Lions 28-20. The return of Ben Roethlisberger. By the way, the Lions haven't won a game. Yeah, they have. They're 1-5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the road, this is like their 20-some road loss. 24th? 24th road loss. That's insane. Yeah, it is. Yeah. They bet the house against those guys every week if they're on the road. Yeah. The Steelers and the return of Big Ben Roethlisberger.

42:38Went pretty well, man. They did have the Browns, so that always helps. But they won 28-10. Roethlisberger threw three touchdowns in his return. Here he is talking about being back on the field. Cut three. I don't think it really fully hit me until I was pulling into the stadium. I started to think a little bit about it and everything. And then being on the field before the game got a little emotional. But I felt like it was a pretty good day. I felt like I left a lot of plays out there, missed some things here and there. Three touchdowns in your return. Not bad, man. Real good. Seahawks over the Bears 23-20. The Saints beat the Buccaneers 31-2-6. The Patriots squeaked by the Ravens 23-20. The Niners are off the schneid finally, man. 17-9 over the Raiders. That always helps. Too bad the Chargers couldn't beat the Raiders, but the Niners can. They're popping champagne, I bet. 100%. Yeah, they won the game. The Jets over the Broncos 24-20. In the panic bowl, the Cowboys have fallen to 1-4. Oh, wow. Brett Favre was able to pull the guys through yesterday, 24-21 Vikings. And the Colts squeaked by the Deadskins, 27-24. How about that? And tonight's matchup is the Titans against the Jags on Monday Night Football. And then I wanted to mention one more story. San Diego State has beaten a ranked opponent in football.

43:59Air Force. They were the 23rd best team in the country. And it was a 27-25 upset. Pretty solid. Congratulations to the Aztecs. Yeah, good for them. That's Woods on Sports, buddy. Thank you, dude. Thanks, Josiah, for cluing me into that story, by the way. USC, they win this weekend? I don't know. I think they did. Yeah, they did. They won big. How about you? Irish won. Irish won big. 44-20. There's a new number one in college football as well after Ohio State fell to Wisconsin, which was... Pretty rad. Ohio State fell to Wisconsin. I think it's, who's the new number one? Oregon State or Oregon? Oregon. Oregon, yeah. I don't get it. It's the stupidest thing. They need to change it. I feel bad for Boise State. I think they deserve better just because they play in a conference that doesn't have. Yeah, it's so stupid. It's not fair. 570-1949 is our number. Don't forget the word of the day is candelabra, and it's worth. A pair of tickets to go to Anaheim this Saturday and see UFC 121. That's awesome. Awesome. Really good. So get ready for that. Did I lose my? No, I didn't. A couple of things that I wanted to tell you. First of all, L.O.B., Lauren saw The Town, the movie The Town this weekend. Oh, my gosh. Woods already saw it. Yep.

45:24And you both said it's good. It's phenomenal. So good. You would like it, Mike. I want to see it. I'm all the way in on Ben Affleck again. Yep. All the way. And obviously, kombucha's back. She's got a fresh bottle of kombucha. What's the pink kind? It's Guava Goddess. I got the original, but I decided to spice it up. I load it up. They're back on the shelves. I'm excited. L.O.B., if you found out that kombucha... is no better for you than apple juice, would you continue to drink it? Because you drink it because it's good for you, right? Yeah, but I didn't know a whole lot about it. And someone was like, yeah, try this, whatever. This is my new thing that I'm hooked on. And I tried it and I felt the effects without any of the mental... What does it do for you? It gives me energy. It revitalizes me. It gives me energy. It helps with regularity. Which doesn't really? I didn't know that. I didn't know it helped. I don't have any problems in that department anyway, but that's part of what it does. Mostly for the energy for me. It's crazy. I don't know if you can tell this morning. I feel a little bit more zippity. Got the kombucha back. That and pumpkin beer, which who drinks that? She bought pumpkin beer. I was like, okay. I was feeling very festive. I was in Henry's and it was all decked out with all these pumpkins and leaves everywhere.

46:49There's pumpkin beer, so I was like, oh, I'm going to get this. You drink one? Yeah, it doesn't taste like pumpkin at all. Tastes like feet, doesn't it? It just tastes like sweet beer. Isn't it kind of fortunate that it doesn't taste like pumpkin? I wanted a little bit of pumpkin spice. But I put it through the register, and the girl's like, I guess it was the first thing she rang up, but I kind of spaced out weird. And she was like, You're over 21, right? And I thought she was talking about the kombucha. Yeah, because they took it off the shelves and had small levels of alcohol in it. I was like, oh, and I go to get my idea. I'm like, are they carting for kombucha now? She's like, you have a pumpkin. You have a six-pack of pumpkin beer. Jay and his wife went to see Social Network over the weekend. It's good. It's really good. I've heard that it's good. This movie now is, I think, number one two weeks in a row. It's still selling out. It was sold out, right? It was packed. I mean, we got there 30 minutes early just because we got there early. But we had to wait outside the line. Wow. And it was sold out. Every seat in the place was taken. Were you the oldest person there at 47? Was it all 20-year-olds? No, no. And that was even weirder. There were 60-plus-year-old people in there. What? Yes. I don't know where those people were on Friday night when I was making my Facebook jokes. Because my crowd certainly did not get my preference. And they were checking. The movie kind of...

48:05Broke almost at the end of the movie. Like the projector? Well, it just paused. It was an eee. And everybody whipped out their phones, and you could see Facebook. People were Facebooking in the movie. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Really? Watching a social networking movie while I'm social networking. While I'm Facebooking. Did you get your money back? Kim, of course, heard when we went over. You could ask. If you asked, you got a free movie ticket. If you didn't, you just walked out. You were out of luck. I would ask for one. Yeah, if I didn't get to see the end. Oh, we saw the end. I mean, we sat there for two minutes, three minutes, and they came back on. Oh, okay. They eventually fixed it. Woodsy went and saw Alice in Chains and Deftones this weekend, two nights in a row here in San Diego, and then he went and saw them in Las Vegas. So fun, dude. He said the San Diego show was better. I think they both sounded better, and it was louder here, which I like. Our country's general. All right, the dude, like the big dude in the military, James Conway. He weighed in on the whole don't ask, don't tell thing. They're repealing don't ask, don't tell. He weighed in, gave his opinion. We'll find out if he still has a job and play you that when we come back. Jackass was number one. Made a lot of money. $50 million. $50 million. Oh, it's funny, LMB. Have you seen them? Why in 3D? Because that's the thing right now. It's the new bit. I guess.

50:01For TV, they have 3D. And I don't think it looks cool. I don't think it like... Do you not? Stuff doesn't pop out. I mean, it's 2010. I thought that stuff would be like, ah, it's right in my face. Yeah, like when we went and saw Alice in Wonderland. I almost said Alice in Chains. When we went and saw Alice in Wonderland, I was like... Not that big a deal to me. I was like, stuff doesn't seem to be really popping out at me. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what the big hubbub about it is. See, I have to turn away during most of the stunts on Jackass, so the last thing I want to do is see a close-up of it popping out at me. Yeah. Well, my thing with it was, haven't they already done all the good bits? Probably not. No? I bet you they got some good stuff in the hopper, man. Those dudes are funny guys. I watched a little bit of the preview, the trailer, and it looked a little more like it had sort of a plot. Oh, really? I don't know. I had a couple buddies see it, and they loved it. Really? What, do they say what, like, stuff they do? No, I didn't ask. You saw it. Call us. 570-1949. I like some of those stunts that they do, man. Those guys got huge cojones. I would never do it. Word of the day is Candelabra. And it's worth a lot today because when I weave that into a sentence between 9 and 10, and you're calling 9, you get a pair of tickets to go see UFC 121 in Anaheim this Saturday. It's going to be great. We're going to talk to Kevin and Brooke at 830. That is not a new country, man.

51:26It's a guy that asked his girlfriend to marry him, and she didn't give him an answer. Well, now she has, and we'll find out what it is. We don't even know. My guess is she said yes, because what kind of person says, yeah, I'll come on the radio and talk about it, and then they said no. L-O-B believes that it could be that she said, yeah, I have an answer. My answer is, I need more time. Yeah. Possibly. There's a small part of me that thinks that. It could be. Small. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B. Sienna will be back with us a week from tomorrow, back on the show. Maternity leave. She's been on maternity leave, but it's going to come to an end. She's going to come back a week from tomorrow. And Jay is our producer, and he's in the other room. We look at him through glass. Our phone screener today is Will. Will. Okay, so a couple things. General James Conway. He's a United States general for the Marine Corps.

52:26As you know, don't ask, don't tell has been repealed. So they can't do that anymore. Now you can be openly gay in the military and all that stuff. So here is the general talking about it. They say that they are concerned that it will cause potential problems with regard to good order and discipline. I think that the current system is functional. and that it also provides for better unit cohesion and less difficulty when it comes to disciplinary issues, and especially so at a time when we're at war. Oh, please. That's terrible. I'm not in the field. He is. Yeah, dude, but come on. I mean, that's ridiculous. Better cohesion? Maybe grow up. Maybe grow up and be tolerant, because those guys are fighting in the same war that a guy that likes girls is. Yeah, and the Marine Corps are... pretty much the most focused guys I can think of in the world. They're not going to be like, now it's time. We can just be open. Let's party. Look at his butt. It's just part of who they are and they're still focused on the task at hand. And they're right there with you. It's just insane. I guess the big barometer will be

53:44Three years down the road and we don't hear any stories about it. Yeah, absolutely. And it's not a big deal and nothing changed. And, you know, if that's the deal, then we're good to go. Yeah. There's more on it. I think initially there is going to be an element of uncertainty on the part of the commander in terms of, OK, how do I handle cases if they exist on his docket? And how does he handle it? How does he handle this? Hey, how you doing, man? I'm gay. Yeah. How you doing? Hey, I'm Steve Woods. I'm fighting next to you in this war. I don't know if he's talking about... I like dudes. Is he talking about, like, relationships happening? Because there's women in the Marine Corps, too. Absolutely. I mean, what do you do to handle that? There are things that are in place to stop, you know, within... What if there's some dude that you're, you know, serving with and the dude is, like, real uncomfortable with? Then that's a problem. That's a problem. I mean, you know what, dude? There's going to be guys in the military that don't like black guys. There's going to be black guys that don't like Mexicans. There's going to be Mexicans that don't like white people. You're going to not, you know, put those guys together? I mean, it's the same thing. Yeah, I guess. You know, what if a black guy is like, listen, man, these white guys are racist. You know, I mean, there's just all kinds of stuff that could happen, and they've got to deal with that stuff every day. Speaking of, Representative Barney Frank is openly gay. That's a made-up name. It's a real name. Sounds like a made-up name. Yeah. Now, he's running for Congress.

55:12He's running against a guy named Sean Biliad. All right? Sean is doing a Q&A, and Representative Barney Frank, who's openly gay, his boyfriend. What? Nothing. You mean nothing. I said his boyfriend. I'm seven years old. Representative Barney Frank is in a relationship. He's got a boyfriend. And his boyfriend. What? What? Stop. I'm just saying. I'm telling a story, and anyway, his boyfriend's name is James Reedy. What? What are you talking about? I'm talking about you. What's that noise? I don't know. It's coming from a television somewhere. Anyway, he gets heckled by the boyfriend of the guy he's running against. You know, we can send you some. Get used to it, dude. If you want to be a congressman, this is nothing. You're with Barney, right? That's cool.

56:18It sure is. At least if we can get the Congress back. Lucy, quit the jokes, dude. You know it's funny at all. Are you serious? It's not funny. You just tried two jokes and they weren't even funny. Are you really standing here and heckling me? Wow. Is that really what you're doing? They're talking to me first. Are you? You guys believe this? Oh, gosh. He's like, hey, listen, shut your mouth next time. Yeah. You're making me look foolish. That's ridiculous. What were you doing there? Babe. Babe. Babe, don't go to those functions and engage him like that. You're going to make me look bad. I was just trying to stick up for you. I don't care, sweetheart. You can't just go. Oh, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and just take it? Yes. Imagine if it was somebody's wife. You'd be like, are you out of your mind? Crazy. That is nuts. So he took a lot of heat for that. No pun intended. No pun intended. I don't even know what the pun would have been. What's the pun? Come on, guys. Let's put our heads together here. I said that was nuts. Really? Are you kidding me? I mean, are you kidding me? Oh, boy. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course when Mikey says that he's got a boyfriend, you shiggle. You know what, dude? I just...

57:46I don't know why. I'm just in a giddy mood today. I'm happy. Maybe you're in a giddy mood. Maybe it's because you're childish. Could be. I am childish. We're all childish. I'm childish. We're not all childish. When Mikey was telling this story, I didn't. We on the show here, we're all childish. That's why I don't like your show. You love our show. Why do you call in every day? I call in to be the voice of the people that are listening that also hate it. Okay. Yeah, they turn the channel to. Maybe they can turn the channel, but maybe they like to listen for the surf report like I do. You're a big surfer? You don't need to know about my personal life. What size board do you surf on? It's none of your business what size board I use. Where'd you get it? If you must know, it was a gift. From? My mom. What? Is it a boogie board? No, it's a surf board. It's a foam top? Did you get it at Sam's? It's a long board. Did you get it at Sam's? Sam's Club, yeah. Nice. It's none of your business. How do you know where it came from if it was a gift? Because my mom told me, she got me a shortboard and I had to take it back. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're not surfing on a shortboard, pal. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, I'm not. I surf on a long one. I think you're surfing is the internet. Don't kid yourself. See, it's that kind of cruelty in this country. You know, you remind me a lot. You're probably the guy that throws... You're a kook. Oh, here comes a... He's a kook. He's one of the guys, he leans it up.

59:16He leans it up against the wall, so if by chance he ever had a girl over, they'd be like, oh, you surf? He'd be like, yeah, I surf. Never has it left. No wax on it. He probably leans a guitar up against the wall, too. He's one of those guys. He loves us so much. What are you doing there? Notations. For what? Mr. Rick. Jackson. Because I'm going to write a letter to Mr. Rick R. Jackson. You don't have to say it with me. I am making notations to say things that you do. Okay. He doesn't even listen. He does. He does not. I bet he listens to the other stations in the building. No. For instance, KSON, Kiffam, Light Jazz, a good radio station. Smooth jazz. Smooth jazz. That's what I said. You don't know the difference between smooth and light. Yes, I do. You're a moron. You call yourself a fan of music? I made a mistake. Yeah, okay. I made a mistake. Let's turn the channel.

1:00:23It isn't your business what I listen to. It isn't your business how I choose to spend my time. You make it our business. It isn't your business what I do with my radio. It isn't your business what I do with anything. You don't have to tell me what to do. You are not the boss of me. I am the boss of me. I get to do whatever I want. I am Captain Buzzkill. You do not tell me who I write, who I do not write. You do not tell me what I listen to. You do not tell me what my preferences are. You do not tell me where I buy my servoid. Okay. You're rubber and we're glue, right? Right. As soon as Jagger and Christie get a stronger signal. Okay. Sticks and stones, pal. That's right. That's what I have to tell myself. Every day I fight this battle. Okay. Every day I wage this war. You are a soldier. It's a good war. You are an M1. Yeah, you are an M1. I am not an M. You are. I am not a so-called M1. I do not go to the so-called M1site.com. Don't you? I do not go to the so-called Facebook.

1:01:31I do not buy into your politics, your ideals, your beliefs. Then why are you wearing an M1 side t-shirt? You know what's funny, LLB? Why did you join the Mikey Show fan page? Did you join just so you could restart trouble? So I could tell you M1s what your problems are. What about the t-shirt? Why did you purchase that and why are you wearing it? I'm wearing it because it's a laundry day. If it wasn't a bad laundry day, do you think I would be wearing it? You had to special order that from the M1site.com. Right. And you know what I did to it? What did you do? Vandalized it. What? Your armpit sweat? Your oily skin? That isn't. You got him, MLB. You got him good. Oh, yeah. Good work. You got him. He didn't like it. I feel like I'm going to be under his skin today.

1:02:29One of those days. His greasy, oily skin. Yeah, I'm not standing for it anymore. He used to like you. He did, I know. What is that coming from? Is there volume on your TV, Jay? No? Okay, let's be quiet for a second to try to figure out where that's coming from. Jay, was it coming from over there? Jay's mic's not on. I'm recording Bird. Can you hear it? Uh-uh. Okay. Weird. I don't know what it was. It was like... I'm just watching TV and playing video games in here. What you guys are doing. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, dude. Did you see that? We just saw the collision between Deshaun Jackson and Donta Robinson from the Eagles. Oh. I know. Holy cow. Oh, my God. Lights out. Lights out. Concussion. Holy. Concussion. He's out. Cow. One of the hardest hits I've ever seen. I know. Ever.

1:03:29Oh, my gosh. What a collision. Way to go. Way to go, Cobb. Let him right into that, dude. Oh, boy. Makes me sick. Oh, that is a... I mean, that got all of our attention. We've got monitors on in here, and we couldn't not look at that. If you get a chance to see it, it's one of the most hardest hits I've ever seen. If you can go see... If you can pull that thing up, maybe we'll put it on the Mikey Show page. It's ridiculous. That's a hard hit. That's a hit you hear before you even see. Oh, yeah. LLB, get on his good side. Captain Buskill? I'll try. Why? Who cares? He has to have one proponent on the show. He used to like Jay, too, but... He hates me. He hates me. He hates you, too. He hates me. Hates you and hates me. He is starting to hate me. Next time he calls in, say you're Princess Leia. Say what? Say you're Princess Leia. Princess Leia. Say you're Carrie Fisher. Okay.

1:04:31He'll love that. Yeah. Hopefully. He's not listening. He's listening. Of course he listens. Four hours a day. We'll get the real Carrie Fisher. Yeah. We'll do that for him. Yeah. 570-1949 is the number. M1. Steve from Chula Vista. Hello. What's up? How many? How many years? About 10 years now. Mm-hmm. There's still some stipulations in the Marine Corps that they could get those guys. And there's a certain order for the Marines. There's no sodomy. There's no oral sex, no sex in any other position, a missionary. Technically, if the Marine Corps still wanted to go against these guys that are open with the... They'd have to catch them in the act. Yeah, they'd have to catch them in the act or have some kind of very stiff proof or evidence. But there are certain...

1:05:38In some ways, if you read the fine lines, that these guys still can't even if they are openly gay. That's part of the policy for the Marine Corps? Yeah, there's Marine Corps orders out there. It's part of the UCM that there are things out there like, you know, no sodomy, no oral sex, no sex. Even if you have a wife? Yeah, even if you have a wife, it's still a Marine Corps order. There's small guidelines out there. And some Marines don't even know about it. If you get in the UCMJ, you get in the Marine quarters, they are there. Wow. It's just another little thing. It's one of those deals, though, where they're not going to enforce it. It's not a loophole if you can't enforce it. It's maybe one of the gung-ho guys that's still old school and is like, you know, I'll find a way to get this guy out of here. How are you going to be, you know, that's what I'm saying. That may be a loophole, but you got to. You got to have proof, I guess. You got to, yeah. Well, have a good day, Mike. Thank you, bro. Wow, that's crazy. Did not know that. Learn something new every day, you guys. 100%. Today we learned about sodomy orders in the military. Who would have thought? USMC. Who would have thought that we would ever know that? But we do. We find everything out in this show every day. Oh, sorry that was so loud. I'm really sorry. This is a female performer by the name of Rihanna. Have you ever heard of her? She's really good. Where? From Barbados? Barbados. God, she's a legend over there. It's all you heard.

1:07:16Everywhere you went was Rihanna. Rum and Rihanna. Rum and Rihanna. That's all you do. Okay, now, I got to stop this for a second because I got to play you this piece of audio because you can win something right now. Here's what I'm going to do. You can win pay-per-view for UFC 121 on Cox Advanced TV for this weekend. Again, UFC 121 on pay-per-view. We're giving away actual tickets for word of the day today. Rad. But you can get a pay-per-view of it through Cox Advanced TV if you can tell me who is singing Enter Sandman here. Take a listen. 570-1949. If you can tell me who that was, I will give you a pay-per-view to see UFC 121 this weekend. Call me right now. 570-1949. And we'll tell you who it is. This breakfast looks so delicious.

1:09:31He got these little tortillas, these little flour tortillas with some beans and eggs. Some potatoes. Peppers and onions. Oh, the peppers and the onions. Why? Because I brought my breakfast. Who is this singing Metallica? Correct answer gets a pay-per-view to UFC 121. You get to watch UFC 121 this weekend. M1 Danny from Chula Vista. Who is it? That is incorrect. Good guess, though. Good guess. M1, Monica from San Diego. Who do you think it is? Jay from The Mikey Show. That's a good guess, but incorrect. M1, podcast from Menifee. Who is it? Sebastian Bach. It is not Sebastian Bach. Good guess. Good guess. Good guess. M1, Vanderdrift from Oceanside. Who is it? Shakira. That's just silly.

1:10:53No, it is not, Shakira. M1 Greg from Forest Ranch. Who is it? It's Adam Lambert. That is correct. It is Adam Lambert. Yeah, he did it because he was doing it for his bass player, I guess, for tribute to his bass player. His birthday it was or something. Wow. I don't know. Lucky guess, I guess. There you go. Lucky guess. You were correct. Hang on a line. Have a great day, guys. You got it. Hang on. Get a pay-per-view. UFC 121. Now, UFC 121 this weekend is in Anaheim. We're actually going to give away a pair of tickets worth $441 for the word of the day. The word of the day is candelabra. And when I weave that into a sentence between now and 10 o'clock, caller 9 gets that. Gets to go see UFC this weekend. Should be real great. Miley is upset at the paparazzi again because I guess they were driving dangerously around her. I'd like to do a feature called Name That Accent. We play an accent, you have to guess. Oh, she's pissy. She has every right. She has every right.

1:12:35I don't blame her. It's stupid. Morons. I get people going, well, you know, Miley Cyrus is blah, blah, blah. Okay, cool. Maybe you're right. All I know is that paparazzi following people around the way that they do. Hey, you want to take a picture? Take a picture. But the whole speeding and the whole, like, people are just trying to eat some lunch with their family. Pretty lame bit. I think it's a lame bit. I do. Woods of Wisdom coming up next. Let's play Name That Tune, though, right now. 570-1949. Call us right now if you want to play Name That Tune. The way that we do Name That Tune, we just call it Name That Tune. It's not a traditional Name That Tune, per se. But you will pick one of us to represent you. You'll pick me, Woods, or L-O-B to represent you. We will use our name as a buzzer. If we win... then we win for you. Yep, and I've got a chicken dinner for four at Carl's Jr. That sounds good. All right, 570-1949. That's what you'll win. Jay, what's the theme today? It's kind of ridiculous. It's chipmunks. We're going to hear the chipmunks singing songs? All chipmunks all the time. Oh, wow. LLB got us last week. She got us real, real good. Call and pick your horse. M1, Ben from Temecula. Who do you want?

1:14:05Thank you, Mikey. Okay. Sorry about that. Hang on the line. I'll try, dude. I'll try my best for you. M1 person from San Diego. Who do you want? Woods. You want Woods? Yes. Little angel. You guys are making a connection right now. Hang on the line. Hang on. When she said that she wanted to pick you. It sounded like she also wanted to eat you like a pork chop. I know. It kind of did. Lap it up with some applesauce. That's right. I'd like what to play. Lap it up. And then M1 Jake's teacher from Escondido. This is my boy's teacher, Miss Andrea. You've got L.O.B. She wants L.O.B. I want L.O.B. There you go, Andrea. There you go. All right. Hang on a line. Hang on. All right. Chipmunks is the deal. Chipmunks. I know it. You got to yell our name out if we know it. Let's go. Here we go. Lauren. Oh, my God. Lady Gaga. Well done, L.O.B. Okay, so I get it. It's actual artists sped up to sound like the chipmunks. I get it. Now I'm in a different paradigm, and I am ready to nail this. Let's do it. In your paradigms. Oh, yeah. Here we go. What? Kanye. Oh, aren't you two so good? Mikey.

1:15:41Three, two, one. Oh, it's, uh, I don't know. Negative one. Play it again, Jay. Oh, I know now. Akon? Wow! I can't believe I knew that. I'd have got it wrong. I thought it was Timbaland. I'd have got it wrong. Okay. LLB, two, Woods, one. Mikey, negative one. Weird. And away we go. Mikey! Damn it! Darn it. Go, Mikey. Kesha. No, it's not. It's not. I thought it was the bottle of Jack. Yeah. Lauren. Black Eyed Peas. Now I got minus two. There's no way I can catch up. Oh, there's a way. There's a way. Here we go. One. Three doors down. This is hilarious. This is the funniest. It is. We got to do it the other way at some point, too. That'd be genius.

1:17:03Uh-oh. Stop. Katy Perry. Lauren, four. Woods, two. Mikey, negative two. Okay, here we are. What? Mikey. Soulja Boy. Who's the artist? Juvenile? No, it's... That is the artist. Oh, really? Soulja Boy is? Soulja Boy is the artist. I don't know. Crank that is the name of the song. Oh, okay. That's what I meant. Lauren. Mikey. Lauren. You had a bad day? Dude, she's slaying us. She's killing us. Something powder? Daniel powder. Daniel powder. That's good. Okay, there's three left. Why don't you do it? Do it. Why don't you do it? Every once in a while. Every once in a while. I'll whip your butt, boy. What's the score right now? Lauren has six, Woods has two, and Mikey has negative two. These are each worth three. Awesome. Mikey. Nickelback. What? That's right.

1:18:18Did you say Nickelback? I had to try. You're negative five. Here it comes. Lauren. Oh, man. Who let the dogs out? Is it Vanga Boys? I didn't want to say it. It's Baja Boys. Let's do the last one just for fun. Mikey. Mikey. Apple Bottom Jeans. Is that the name of it? No. I don't think it's called that. It's not called that. Girls with the flow and something, something, something. I don't even freaking know. Negative eight. Flo Rida. You can't just throw things out. It was already done, though. She was going to say Flo Rida. She already slayed us. And she won the game. Absolutely killed us. M1 Jakey's teacher. L.O.B. has won now two weeks in a row. Unbelievable. Just annihilated us. Kombucha. That's right. There you go. Enjoy your chicken dinner.

1:19:37There you go. Hang in line, okay? Winner, winner. Chicken dinner. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's actually been said now. Yeah. And meant. And meant. Do you know what I want so bad? Chicken. Fried chicken. I want to eat some of them chitlin. I love pigs, too. But I want Popeye's chicken so bad. They had it in the airport yesterday in Vegas. I almost got it again. I want red beans and rice. And I want some spicy fried chicken. I love my chicken. Well, maybe if you win the lunch drawing today, you can go to Popeye's. Don't give him any ideas. That's how we decide. Monday, we all have lunch together as a show, and we draw names. Should we do it on the air? Let's do it now. Let's do it now. Tear up some pieces of paper. We'll put it in the thing. I got other stuff for you in the meantime. You have to go where the winner wants to go. Yeah. Maybe he's a good piece. Oh, Woods. Don't you care? Should we go get some cranes, paper? Get a watermark. We'll say who gets to pick. All right. Yeah, we'll say who gets to pick. I don't get a say in it anyway. My name's Al. In the meantime, I have this. And you can call if you have it. If you have Woods of Wisdom that you want to ask Woodsy some Woods of Wisdom, you can call. 570-194.

1:21:18What day? I was singing this yesterday while I was making the schedule. Over and over again. That's right. Getting your head real good, LB. I was like, what day? I love those things that get stuck in your head. Oh, I thought we were going to make it. Wow, that one's louder. You know, Sienna called me and said, Jay, it's not louder on our end. That's because of the compression. That's good, then. You keep doing that. Blowing out your ears real good? Mm-hmm. Dear Woods, about a month ago, I had to get together at my house. A friend invited one of her girlfriends over. We started making out, and I asked her out. I was quite sauced.

1:22:19We texted back and forth and made plans for the upcoming Sunday. I texted her and got no response. After a month, I texted her again. Now we're texting back and forth again. She calls me up and wants to make plans. Should I forgive her for breaking our first date or just say, forget it? M1, John Smith. Well, I think you got to let it go, pal, because she's back in the fold. I mean, I'd ask her about it. Like, what was up with that? But I'd let her, you know, I'd let it slide. What do you think, LLB? I mean, sounds like this girl's in now, so if he wants some axiom, it's probably a guarantee. It's action to the layman. Yes. Get some. I definitely don't think that she's date material, but if that's what you're interested in, fine. That's what I'm saying. Have a ball. Sounds to me like she probably had a boyfriend the first time around. Or if she just, I mean, I've been in that situation that maybe she was in that you just really don't want to date. Because you already have a boyfriend and you're like, I just don't want to date because I have a boyfriend. No, it was a time in my life I just didn't want drama. I got out of a three-year relationship and I was like, I'm perfectly happy just being single and having fun and I don't want drama. Yeah. This one says, Woods, are you supposed to open the car door for a girl if she's just a friend? Yeah, I mean, it's always a nice move. Always, right? Hang on. You can never go wrong. Hang on. Are you supposed to?

1:23:48You're supposed to open the door for a woman. And I try to do it. If it's your woman. I try to do it for my wife, and I forget a lot of times. I do too, and I forget. But I'm like, you know, probably 35% of the time I do it. I think it's a nice touch. It's a really nice touch. Woods, true or false? If you're with a girl romantically, you should open the door for her. Yes. True? Yes. Okay, so that's the question. Are you supposed to open the car for a girl if she's just a friend? No. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to. No. It's weird. Now, the car door, always like a door-door. Door-door. Always a door-door. A door-door, yes. A door-door, yes. Always. But a car door, no. You're not supposed to. I'm bad at social things. Well, always open the door for a woman. If I'm getting in on the same side as she is, like a lot of times I'll just open both doors if she's getting in the back seat. But I won't walk around and make a big la-da. Big to-do about it. You hang out with a lot of other women besides your wife? Uh, yeah.

1:24:48Is that wrong? Weird. Is that weird? No, you're not supposed to. 570-1949 is our number. If you want to, you can call us and ask Woodsy a question. It can have to do with dating. It can have to do with guy. Anything? Guy. Copenhagen. It can have to do with Copenhagen. It can have to do with clothes. It can have to do with... PHCs? Perfect Haircuts? Perfect Haircuts. This one says Woods. So is the Bala powder really what Mikey says it is, or is it bogus? M1, no way. This stuff is brilliant. It's brilliant. Are you balling right now? I'm balling right now. I'm balling. Yeah. It smells so good, and it feels wonderful on the boys. I'm free balling. Oh, boy. Can we turn his mic off, Jay? Every day. No, we can't. I feel like a Bala with the Bala powder. I love it. Thank you. Again. I throw some on my chest, too, by the way. Some people will pick up a book for their friend that they see. You get powder for the boys. I can't take credit for it. My brother told me about it. Testicle powder. My brother Steve. Hey, I was just thinking about you, Woods. I got you this. Is that weird? Yeah, is that weird? This is for your piece, Woods. Here. My brother said, have you ever heard of ball of powder? I said, no. He goes, go to groominglounge.com. The place is the best.

1:26:16It's got everything you need. It's got everything in the world. That's like your happy place, Mike. Yeah. Literally. I could spend, I'm not kidding, I could spend hours and hours and hours. I could spend $1,000 a month on that thing. I'm not kidding. I love products and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. But this stuff is called Bala Powder, and it's for the boys. Yep. And it is. And it's great, man. If you're a guy, it keeps you real dry, real fresh. Tingly. It tingles. Feels real good. Nothing wrong with that. No. It may be the perfect product. Use it on, you know, and I use it when I get out of the shower. I throw some on my chest and then on the board. Really? Why the chest? Because your chest doesn't sweat, does it? It does? Yeah. Your chest sweats. Oh, yeah, dude. When I'm hot, if I do this, a handful. Really? Not under the arms. Weird. My brother uses it under his armpits, which I think is weird because I see it all over his T-shirt. Yeah, you don't want to do that, but. I see deodorant on his T-shirt. I go, really, pal? Come on, man. With that? Happened to me the other day. Carry a sponge around or something. Clean that off. Nothing looks worse than that. Be more precise with the powder puffing. M1 Kim from Escondido. Hi. My question is, I have a girlfriend and we are no longer friends anymore. And just the other day, my boyfriend had said, oh yeah, by the way, I heard from, you know, Gina. And I thought, what? What do you mean you heard from her?

1:27:47They've been texting here and there in the last few months. So you had a real good girlfriend, and you don't speak to her anymore. Correct. But she still speaks to your boyfriend? Yeah. What are they texting about? Yeah, what are they texting about? He said, she just said, hey, what's up? And he just texted her back, oh, nothing, how are you doing, what's going on? And he said, whatever happened between her and I is between her and I, but he just thought it's not a big deal. They could still be friends. Was he friends with her before you guys got together? No, she was my friend first. That's how he met her. That's weird. And then that's how we met her. She's either creeping or she wants back in your life and she's trying to use him. I know, but he shouldn't be texting her, right? No, he shouldn't. He should not. My wife would slit my throat. Yeah. Slit my throat. He's got no, what's his motive? He's got no reason. He has a reason. He just said, well, you haven't told me why your friendship.

1:28:48What a weird reasoning. That is a weird reasoning. And so, unless you tell why your friendship with her ended, guess what? I will keep on texting. Weird. That's weird. I can see him being like, I'm not going to be catty. I'm just going to, you know, you have your beef. Why do I have to be, why can I just not be friends with anyone I want to be friends with? If it were me, I would say to this girl, hey, this kind of makes me feel weird. Yeah. I don't think I should be texting you. Over the weekend, I thought, what? And I tried to not make a big deal about it. How old are you? How old are you? 34. You're 34. How old is the girlfriend? She's my age. 34? Yeah. How old is your boyfriend? He's 40. Try to take all bias out of it and describe what your friend looks like accurately. She's a little shorter than me. I'm about 5'8".

1:29:52No, no, no, no. I need you to describe very accurately. In fact, pretend I am a police officer and you just witnessed a crime. You're doing a sketch. And I need to do a sketch. I need to know how much she weighs, approximately how tall she is, what color her eyes and hair are, how short, what the style is. I need to know what she looks like. Cup size. Juggie. Yeah, I was just going to say. I was not going to say that. I was. Okay. She's about 5'5". Shoulder length hair. Brown. Got little bangs. Light brown eyes. Trying to think her weight. She's not really a big girl, but her legs are sort of... She's always had big thighs. Okay, miss, I'm a police officer. I'm a police officer. Would you describe her build as heavy, medium, petite? Athletic. Athletic, thin, curvaceous. How would you describe her body type? You can say it real slow. Weird, Jay. I want to say she's petite, but her thighs are a little bit bigger than, you know.

1:31:18Ma'am, I'm just a police officer. I don't need you necessarily to make passive-aggressive comments about her. I'm just a police officer. She's a little plump, you know. She's a little plump. She's super cute, but she's got a giant butt. Like Kardashian. It's a bag or butt. Is she a chesty girl, not a chesty girl? Medium. Medium. Yeah. And it's her personality. She's just very bubbly, very outgoing. Does she have a real pretty face? Yeah, she's cute. Is she promiscuous? Yes. You guys, what do you think? This is weirding me out that he's texting her. Yeah. She's promiscuous. Yeah. He does not need to be. He shouldn't be texting her. Delete that number, bro. You got to know better than that. Tell him to listen to the Mikey Show podcast on MikeyShow.com at 730. Yeah, is this a JIC? This is just in case? Maybe. Maybe. Is this dude making this girl into a JIC? How long have you guys been together? Almost five years. Oh, my God, dude. Stop it. Drop that zero and get with the hero. First of all, pal, go ahead and pop the question, number one. Yeah. Yeah, you're not getting any younger, all right? And, yeah, you don't text your girlfriend of five years ex-good friend. I know. Oh, I want to know what those texts say.

1:32:45Me too. Did you ask to see him? Yeah, did you ask to see him? No, I didn't. You need to. I tried to see if I could find it. Yeah, this is him right now. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. Are you sure you want to? Yes. Are you sure you want to delete? Yes. Are you sure you want to delete? Yes. Can I ignore this action in the future? Yes. In the future, should I just delete all of these? Yes. Wow. Self-destruct. You know, here's another thing. I said, well, what do you have to text? Well, what do you guys text me as well? I just, you know, she was just telling me what she's up to because we know she's a little promiscuous. And she's just saying who she was with and what she was doing. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that your buddy that you don't talk to anymore is texting your boyfriend. about who she's hooking up with sexually, and he is texting her back about it? That's what he said. That's crazy. He sees nothing wrong with that. That makes my mouth water. I know. That's crazy. He's wrong. Oh, he's wrong. With a capital W. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, 100%. G-I-T. Yeah. G-I-T. Yeah. Okay. Call us back and let us know what happens. Yeah. I want to follow this. Don't listen to us.

1:34:08Say how wrong he is. Yeah, he shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, I want to follow it. Thank you. Thanks for the call. Thanks, guys. Going to find out. Fast forward the tape on that, pal. Yeah, dude. What's going to happen? Something's going to happen. She's going to be like, hey, why don't you swing by on lunch tomorrow? Tell me more about Steve from Alcohol. She's like, hey, you want to have a hamburger? Yeah. Buy a hamburger? Buy a hamburger, I mean. Buy a hamburger. Come over to my house. Feast on this. Feast on this. Wow. Fast forward the tape. Fast forward the tape, dude. When we come back, Evil and Gory are rapping. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. You know what, Call Out King? I messed up. I didn't advance the CD track. And Woods goes, you ever do that? It works real hard picking that music, brother. Let's see who gets to pick where we go. Who gets to pick?

1:35:30Who's drawing? You're going to draw? Yeah, I'll draw. Is that wrong? Happy birthday. I'm thinking cheetahs if it's me. Hamburgers and cheetahs. Get in here, Will. You have to pick. Happy birthday, pal. Why don't I let Lauren pick? Yeah. Lauren. No, we're going to let Lauren. She's got no dog in this fight. She's got no dog in this fight. Come on, Woods. Okay. Come on, Woods. Jay. Jay. I want to eat some of them chitlin. I love pig feet. What kind of food are you going to pick? Oh, I don't know. I'm just all caught off guard. At first, I'd like to thank God. Yeah. Thank you, Mom, Grandma. Thank you. I'd like to thank my mom. Years of sacrificing. Man. I just want to know what type of food. I don't even know where. What type? Man, that likes a place maybe that has some sushi. Well, there you go. All right. You drew his name. He gets a pick. I'm Mikey. I'm Mexican. You are? I'm 40. That's Woodsy. He's Caucasian. He's 35. It's Lauren O'Brien. She's wearing hoop earrings. She's got blonde hair. She's a comedian. Performs stand-up comedy Friday night, and she's 29. Jay has just one piece of facial hair. It comes right off the bottom of his lip, and it goes straight down. It's a landing strip. It's a landing strip, and it's right on his chin. He's 47. Looks about 27. Yep. And our phone screener is Will. It's Will. Will.

1:37:03It's Will. It's Will. It is Will. It is. Barbara Billingsley died. Yeah. You guys know who that... I bet you don't know, right? L.O.B.? No, I might know if I saw her picture. Barbara Billingsley played... Well, she did a few things, but June Cleaver. Okay, what did you buy? I didn't buy anything silly. It's what you did. And right out of the blue, oh, darling, it overwhelmed me. The new seat covers on the car? No silly, the flowers. You haven't done this in years. I still haven't done it. I didn't send them. Maybe you have a secret admirer. I don't, but you do. Hope to see you back on your feet soon, Cornelia Rayburn. Who's Cornelia Rayburn? When did she see you off your feet? Barbara Billingsley and June Cleaver were the... Icon of American wholesomeness. American wholesome, stay-at-home mom. That was the bit back then. It was a great show. I loved that show when I was a little kid. I loved that and Lassie. Who names our kid Beaver? His name was Theodore. His nickname was Beaver. Beaver Cleaver. Ward, don't you think you'd be a little hard on the beaver? That's right. How many times with that joke? How many times? Which is what made it ironic when she did this role in Airplane. I loved it.

1:38:34That's right. That's why we saw the irony in it. Just hang loose blood sugar to catch up on the rebound on the mid side. What it is big mama my mama raise no dummies I duck a rap. Got me some slack Jack. Chump the wanna help chump don't get the help. Jive ass dude don't got no brains in here. Unbelievable. Brilliant. I forgot about that. When the first time I saw it and she goes, excuse me, stewardess, I speak jive. I almost fell out of my chair. It's one of those movies, man. Even now, even if you watch it now, you will laugh until you cry. Airplane was hysterical. It's one of my wife's favorite movies of all time. She will cackle.

1:39:49So loud when she watches that movie. I wonder if my wife has ever seen Airplane. If she hasn't, then I will demand that she see it. Is that her type of comedy? Will she love it? Yes, yes, yes. She absolutely will. Because there's stuff that you and I like. We love Spinal Tap. Jamie watches Spinal Tap. She's like, oh, I want to remove my eye with a spoon. That's more catered towards men. She doesn't get it. Really? She gets it, but she's like, it's not funny. And I'm like, oh, it's so brilliant. I get it. Really? Yeah, it's great. Holy cow. It takes a lot for me to get my wife to watch a classic. Yeah. She just doesn't want to. And she makes up her mind before we start that she's not going to like it. Yeah. She says she doesn't like old movies. And what she means by that is any movie that came out before 1990. I was looking on Netflix yesterday, and you can sort the list, and I was like, nothing before 2002. I'm not watching it. Really? Yeah. Wow. Why? Well, anything that I wanted. I didn't want to see anything that I had already seen before. Right. Movies are better now. She watched a movie with me this weekend, and to her, it was as if she had carried me through the Andes Mountains. It was the same effort. To her, the effort was equal.

1:41:09She was like a burrow. Yeah, she was a burrow and I was strapped to her back and she carried me over the Andes Mountains without the assistance of a Sherpa. What movie? Doubt with Meryl Streep. Really? She didn't like it? She loved it. Just like she loves every movie I force her to watch. She ends up liking it. Now, I know stuff that she won't like and I just go, I'm not going to even suggest it because I know her. She won't like it. But if I say, babe, watch this with me. She goes, mmm. You know what? You know what's part of it, too, is that when you try to sell somebody a movie, I've tried to sell you so many movies, and it turns you off. You try to sell me Inception, and I'm like, eh, you sell. I do? You both sell. The only way that I've sold you Inception is I kept asking you to see it. Did I say stuff about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How brilliant it was. And I'm like, eh, never mind. You oversold me. That's how I feel about Slumdog Millionaire. That's a brilliant movie. Right. It's brilliant. I fell asleep. You did? Yeah, I fell asleep. That and The Wrestler. I'm like, have a ball. The Wrestler is one of the greatest movies ever. It's a tour de force by Mickey Rourke. I mean, he's unbelievable. Oh, yeah. You think you're watching a documentary and you love documentaries. You'll watch this and be like, you feel it. It's crazy. How could you not want to see it? Everybody was like sweating them so hard. That's the thing, L.O.B. Relax.

1:42:36He was so good. You know what I watched that I did not like? Maybe I wasn't quite the dad I wanted a beer for you. And that single tear pours out of his eye. And he's sitting there looking out at the water and a tear comes down. When he gets in the van and he has that one can of beer and he just got done wrestling, he takes his pills and sucks that beer down a little bit, spills out the side of his mouth. I'm like... Is there a lot of bout wrestling in there? No. Okay, good. It's not what it's really about. It's about a guy that used to be real popular, and now he signs autographs at the VA. For $7. For $7. Oh, I'm in. LLB, it's so good. And this music, dude. Dude. Kills you. I cried. I cried. I'm a sucker for a has-been. I did too. Yeah, a has-been. That's all he's got is what he was.

1:43:50And his body is beat up, and he's still doing steroids, and it's killing him. Yeah. But he'll go to, like, they'll basically have wrestling matches at a place that's so disgusting. A friggin' elementary school, wasn't it? Because he's sitting in the room in, like, a little kid's chair, like, taping up his knee. Right. There's drawings on the wall, and he's just probably made 30 bucks for that night's work. Right. You'd love it. And he's working at a deli and he's getting yelled at by people for not putting enough macaroni salad in the thing. Okay, this one I will watch. Slumdog Millionaire. I agree. I watched Iron Man 2. Dude. You thought it was awful? Awful. Did you see it? Yeah. Didn't like it at all. Way over the top. More over the top than the first one. Oh, yeah. Did you have a problem with... Can't remember her name? Scarlett Johansson? Yeah. No, I like her. I can watch her do anything. She's pretty good in that movie. She's really, really attractive. We both have wives, so we'll just leave it at that. Yes, we will. What I meant to say, she's very intelligent and a great thespian. She's really a good actress. Yes, she is. Eva Longoria. Do you have that clip, Jay? Eva Longoria? I don't think I do. Eva Longoria rapping? No? All right, well, she's going to be...

1:45:20She's going to be, I got it. She's going to be on MTV doing the Europe MTV Movie Awards. And so this was part of their promo. What'd she say, Mikey? You have no idea. If I ever interviewed Eva Longoria, I would say, did you know that you could say no to some things?

1:46:27David Silver just called and said, that's dumb. David Silver. Vanilla Ice is like, you should quit while you're happy. Yeah, Vanilla Ice is like, that's really stupid. He's like, you're a terrible rapper. Vanilla Ice goes, you don't have any rhythm. Skills. You don't have any skills. With a Z. Yeah. Vanilla Ice is like, you rap like a white guy. Will Smith and Jada Smith's daughter was like, man, that's whack. That's whack. That's terrible. That's whack. Wow. All done. And that'll do. Think Europeans think that's real cool? Oh my gosh. Idiot. It's the worst. I wonder what she looks like while she's doing that. Probably doing the hand bit. Just awful. You know she is. 5701949 is our number. That is the most comfortable bean bag I've ever sat in. We have here in the studio. It feels like it gets bigger every day. It's called the love sack. If anybody ever wants to invest in what we've been sitting on in our studio. Every day I walk in, I'm like, that thing is huge. That's right. On the line right now is my one-year-old son. Uh-oh. Luke? Luke. He's kind of got an attitude. Luke does. Just a little bit. Let's see.

1:48:07He's a year old, by the way. Mm-hmm. Luke, hi. What are you doing? I'm working. Hey, pumpkin patch Saturday? Mm-hmm. Real original idea. Oh, come on. What? Hey, you know, I really want to watch college football. I'm glad I got to go to the pumpkin patch and get some picks taken. You had fun? It looked like you had fun, no? Yeah, I did not. Did you have money on the game, Luke? Yeah, I had it on a couple different games, and I'm trying to figure out who I'm going to take tonight. What is going on? What am I hearing in the back? What do you think you're hearing? This is my, welcome to my personal hell. Is that Jakey? Yeah, that's Jake and his new toy that daddy had to get him. I didn't have to get it. Mommy really wanted to get it. I just supported it. Welcome to my nightmare. Hey, maybe next year you get him a jackhammer. How about that? Maybe a hammer and some nails. You know what? How about a drum set? Oh, nope, he's already got one. Let's see. Jake wanted an accordion, Luke. It's like I live in a pizza parlor.

1:49:19Maybe learn to polka. Why don't you give him a break? He wanted it. He just wanted an accordion. It's not that bad. You guys should start a band. He sounds pretty good. He sounds good. Yeah, he sounds great. It's so soothing and relaxing. Why don't you just go in another room and you won't freak out about it? room with this other dude that's in here, and then Jake just walks in the house playing this wherever I go. The other dude is your twin brother, Ryan. This other dude. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. I think it sounds kind of... It sounds great. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

1:50:16It's just an accordion. Yeah, he's four. It hits your eye like a big pizza. There you go. Embrace it. Learn it. I'm in the fifth ring of hell. Right now. This is my one-year-old son, Luke, and he's upset because his brother, who's four, asked for an accordion. Hey, do you know what? You can actually never see it. Why don't you leave him alone? Leave him alone. I have to go. Shut up. You know I get up at the same time every day. I get up at 10. I'm losing it. I may not be here. Goodbye. When we come back, we're going to have Kevin and Brooke on the line. Now, if you don't know who Kevin and Brooke are, Kevin asked Brooke to marry him.

1:51:28And she didn't give an answer. Here's what happened last week. And tomorrow would make one week since he proposed to you. And you have not brought it up. Well, I'm definitely one of those types of people that I like to really think about stuff before I make a decision. And I really don't ever want to say anything that I don't mean. I didn't want to say yes and then later go back and go, you know, I'm having... He probably feels better. Is this a decision that you think that you'll make within the next few days? Or do you think it's a decision that you'll make within the next few weeks? She did decide. They're both coming on the air. Next. So we'll talk to them both next. Talk to them both next. Talk to them both next. You like songs from movies. I knew you'd love it. See, all I want, I just want to be a director and make people leave there emotionally devastated. Question. Yeah. Let's say you're shooting a scene with L.O.B. And this is the song you have playing in your own head. Do you play it while she's acting out the scene? Do you have it piped in through the... Don't you think it would help? Yeah.

1:53:18I always wondered that. I think what I would do is I'd try both ways. Try with and without. I think you could evoke more emotion from me with music in the background. Guaranteed. I probably would. I wonder if they do that. There's people that score films. That's all they do. Sometimes they do the composition as well. See ya? Mrs. Woods turned me on to this the other night. Love it. Did you see her at Coachella? No, I missed her. She rad. She hot. Let's check her out. Thanks. Yeah, that's really good. I knew you'd like that. Do we have them? Are we ready to go? Do we have them on the line? Yep, they're on the line. Oh, boy. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. Let me play the original call. Just a recap of the original call. M1 Kevin from El Cajon has a bad story about proposing. So what happened? Well, hold on. Let me give you some backstory. We've been living together and stuff. Everything's going good.

1:54:45And then I have her out. We're there at the restaurant. Everything's planned. It's perfect. I get down on my knee, pop the question, pull out the ring, and ask her to marry me. She's looking at it. She's smiling. Everybody's staring at us. She said, I'll think about it. Dude! That's gorgeous. I'm like, where am I going? I'm in the middle of this restaurant on my knee with the ring out, and she's... Thinking about it. Holy cow. Were people looking at you guys? It's a little awkward because, I mean, it's like five days old. The situation, it's kind of come up, but like I said, she danced around it. And so it's just like, I don't know if I should go in and approach like I always do or if it's like stand back. That was the original call that we took. And we have them both on the line now because there has been... And answer, M1 Kevin, are you there? And M1 Brooke, are you there? Yes, I am. So, I'm very nervous. They both sound happy. Brooke, when did you give him an answer? It was Saturday morning, this weekend. Okay. Yep. And did you tell him on the couch? Where did you tell him?

1:56:14Yeah, we were at home. I made breakfast, and we had a long talk, and we were at home hanging out in our living room when I told him my answer. And what was your answer? My answer is that I had a lot of time to think about it, and I felt bad for not being sure when he asked me, but I, yes, would love to marry him. Wow. For a second, I was like, I was right. Me too, me too, me too, me too, me too. You just scared me real bad. My heart's racing. Oh, my gosh. I have a lot of time to think about it, and I can't do it. Duh. So, Kevin, how relieved were you, and how, you know, how happy are you? It caught me off guard the way she did it, but...

1:57:16I'm so happy right now. Dude. It made my weekend. It was everything. Wow, man. Congratulations. Congrats. That is good real-life drama. Yeah. I love that stuff. Do you guys have a date picked? No, we're going to probably pick one soon. But, I mean, honestly, I think my doubts are totally soothed over. And I'm just as excited as possible. I just can't wait to start planning this wedding. Kevin, can I be your best man? Kev. Kev. You guys have a lot to do with this. You are more than welcome to. Can't wait to kiss the bride. Weird. We should go crash this wedding. Question. Yes. Actually, this question is for Brooke. What got you there? You know, we talked on Friday night, and the one thing that really hit home to me and kind of made me realize how ridiculous my fears were is, you know, he said,

1:58:19that, you know, my fears were based out of the fact that my parents' marriage didn't work out. And he said, you know, you'd have those fears with anyone. It's not something that has to do with me. You know, we have a strong relationship. And he told me, do you really want to make a decision about our future based on someone else's failures? And I, for me, I was just like the light bulb went on and I'm like, you know, you're right. Like we are so strong and successful. as a couple so i'm totally ready to take it to the next level and i have all the faith in the world that it'll work for us wow huge wow i love this story brooke does your other boyfriend mind that you're getting married he doesn't he's cool with it stop i'm just kidding congratulations so happy for you guys yeah Congrats, and I think it's really cool, and we would like to go to the wedding. 100%. I've been to every other wedding this year, so why not another one? Yeah, and you really haven't talked about any of the details. You don't know if you're getting married in San Diego or if you're getting married somewhere else or what? Not yet, no. We're kind of leaving it open to kind of bask in the engagement right now, and then we'll start making plans soon. There you go. Awesome. There you go.

1:59:39What about the kids? Are you going to name kids? How about Woods is a good name, and Mikey, and Jay, maybe Lauren if it's a girl, maybe Sienna. Yeah. Hey. Yeah, those are good names. I just want to thank you for taking this journey with us. Oh, boy. And what else would they say on The Bachelor? We hope you live out your lives always remembering The Mikey Show. That's right. In your rearview mirror. It's beautiful. Hey, thanks, guys. Congrats. I knew it. I knew that's what you were going to do. Did you? I did, dude. No, you didn't. She wouldn't come on if she had said no. Yes, she would. She would? She said no and came on. Or she said, I got to think about it and came on. She'd say no and come on. That's true. All right, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Good luck. Thank you very much. You both sound really happy. Their only regret is that you played John Mayer for them. Yep. You know, Lauren. Woods and I have had long conversations about your denial. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. Your flat-out denial of John Mayer. I like... You may not like John Mayer, but you cannot deny that you like this song. It's impossible for a human being. I think so, too. This is one of my least... Okay, some of his songs I like. I liked him when his first No Such Thing song came out. This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. No way.

2:01:05If I like it. I even like it when you do it. Yeah, I like that. I even like it when Lauren does it. All day long, I just hear. Me too. Good beat in the background. Who says heartbreak warfare? Somebody from Jersey. Heartbreak? Somebody from New York. Isn't that just a great melody? It's seriously, it's like not just honey, it's warm honey being drizzled into my eardrum. Slathering down your face. Hot honey being poured into my eye socket. It's so good. Right here. Doesn't it make you think of falling in love with a girl that's wearing a summer dress? I don't even know the words because I can't get past how annoying it sounds. Some girl that smells really great, she's got her legs are silky smooth and tan.

2:02:13Easy Creeper. Big breasts. What? Woods. I didn't think that hard. I did? What? Big voluptuous boobs. Wow. An anklet. You may be the biggest jerk. You are lovely. Love it, man. Love it. The only dudes in America that like this song. No way. That is a untrue. That's a false statement. Will loves it. Will loves it. Jay? No. What's your problem with it? It's not arcade fire. Yeah, I just would never find myself flipping around and going, oh, thank goodness. At least not out loud. You would do it in your truck. Just driving in your Sebring. Looking at your pedicure. Jay listens to bands that haven't even been formed yet. That's how alternative he is. Yeah, they haven't been born yet. They're not even together. Yeah, they're in third grade. That's why. And he already knows about them. He knows them. They're good. They're great. Oh, yeah, I get it.

2:03:23As soon as they sell 12 songs, 12 records. Out. Out. Sell out. Sell out. Corporate sell out. I love it. That song kills me. When Rebecca and I were staying in Vegas, I played that. I do this thing. I do too. Makes her crazy. Yep. Play it. Play it again. Play it. Play it again. I'm like a 16 year old girl with the new Taylor Swift record. No way. Yep. Wait till tomorrow when the new Kings record comes out. It's over. It's tomorrow? It's all you guys will see on bumper music. It's ridiculous. It's tomorrow. Can't wait. Really? Cool. Sorry, it's not Dr. Dog. Mikey. Mikey. Dr. Dog. I like Dr. Dog. Yeah, it's excellent. G-I-T. You are so wrong on this one. Had it, listened to it, did not see the fuss. It's good. Garbage. It's like honey.

2:04:24If by honey you mean garbage. Bean drift all over me. Hi, Buzz. Kill. What? This is Captain Buzzkill. I know it is. I can tell by your disgusting breathing. My breathing isn't disgusting. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. What are you always out of breath for? What are you doing over there to yourself? Why are you always out of breath? Kind of. You going to war on yourself over there, pal? What are you doing? Treating yourself like your own personal Blarney Stone? What are you doing? Wow. I'm writing that down so you can get a fine. Good, bring it. That's a first. You're really a disgusting pick. I know I am. You are so rude and sophomoric. Correct. You have the mind. Yes. Your humor is more fitting of a radio station that appeals to seven to eight year olds. Correct. Than it is to a station that appeals to adults. You are 100% right. I've never in my life.

2:05:29encountered a more immature person than Stephen R. Woods. Stephen L. Woods. Why do you give everyone an R? Lauren R. O'Brien. That's true, though. Stephen Lisa Woods. Stephen Lee Woods. I'm just so sick of you guys, and I'm sick of you putting down music. What did you think of the Dr. Dog album? I think it's terrific. Weird. Yeah, we agree. I wish that I were hearing it on FM 94.9 now. It's about the music. I bet Hillary will play it during her shift today. She's a big fan. Hillary likes it. So just keep listening after 10 if you want your music. The music. It is. It is. We all love music, by the way. Mikey, please. Mikey's not going anywhere, pal. All right? Please. Somebody please help me.

2:06:35Rid the airwaves of the Mikey show because it makes me so sick. We'll let the masses speak. You love it. Why are you out of breath again? I'm not out of breath. Why do you breathe so heavy? Why do you breathe so heavily? I don't breathe heavy. Is it because you're overweight? Yes, I am overweight. Is it because your heart is the size of a volleyball? Is it because you stopped snorting cocaine and started snorting sausage? Is that why? He never snorted. Oh, that's dope. Clever. Did you start snorting sausage? That's so clever. I wish I was so clever, you. I know you do. I wish I could take a funny joke like that. I know. Disgusting. CBK. What? Don't. You start with me. I was going to tell you some good news. What? We have someone in the studio that wants to talk to you. Is it Rick R. Jackson? No. We can get him on the phone for you, though. I would love to speak to him. That's better. Maybe he could call me back.

2:07:40Sure. What's your favorite movie? Star Wars. Today's your lucky day, pal. Why? Because George Lucas is on the line? No, but we have Miss Carrie. We have somebody from Skywalker Studios. We have Miss Carrie Fisher. You do not. You're a liar. Yes, we do. In-studio guest. A.K.A. Princess Leia. You're a liar. Let me talk to her. She is the muse of a lot of your disgusting fantasies. And she's here. Hello. This is Captain Bosco. Is this Miss Fisher? This is Mrs. Fisher. Sorry, Miss Fisher. Carrie Fisher? It's Carrie Fisher. You're a fan of the movies? Yeah, do you promise this is really you? This is me. I heard that you're a big fan. I am the single biggest fan of the franchise ever. Are you a member of the Imperial Senate? Yes, I actually am a member of the Imperial Senate.

2:08:42And I signed up in 1979, which was actually, I was the 45th person to sign up for the Imperial Senate. And what about your phone? Do you have a Droid phone? Oh, you mean my cell phone? Yeah. A real fan would have a Droid. He don't. What do you have? I have a Motorola and it's Razor. That's kind of old. Yeah, but I can get a Droid. Is this really Carrie Fisher? Yes, I was... I played Princess Leia. I was the twin sister of Luke Skywalker. But you knew that, of course. Yeah, with this twin, which was revealed in episode three. Have you ever dressed up as anything from Star Wars? I think a better question would be, have I ever not dressed up as anything from Star Wars? I've dressed up as everything. How excited are you right now, CBK? How much do you love the Mikey Show now? Yeah, turned it around on you. I love Mikey.

2:09:44Could you just give me a brief rundown of everything in your apartment that's dedicated to Star Wars? I have a Star Wars amphitheater that I built handmade from toothpicks and I painted. It has the Imperial Senate all the way around it. I also have a handmade Tauntaun that I did myself. I have various Wookiees in various states of decomposition. That's disgusting. Keep going. I have various droids. I have the original Hoth. landscape. And I also have every single Burger King, every single Burger King item that came out for Star Wars, the originals in 78. Let's be honest, you've had every single Burger King item that ever was. She's really Carrie Fisher. Freaking, is it? I'm the daughter of Darth Vader. Oh, that was mean. That was mean, wasn't it?

2:10:54Don't forget the word of the day is candelabra and when I weave that into a sentence And you're Caller 9, you get a pair of tickets to UFC 121 in Adaheim this Saturday. You actually get tickets to go to the event. A frozen veggie company did a recall because they found glass fragments in it. And I'll tell you what company it is in case you got it in your freezer right now. This band will be playing live in our studio on Friday, November 12th. They're called Cutlass and...

2:12:26They're going to be doing a show here in San Diego, and if you'd like tickets, go to outsidethebowl.org. Now, here's the thing. I'm going to be there that night. I'm going to be meeting you. I'm going to be greeting you. I'm going to be introducing the band. I'm going to be doing the whole thing. All the money that is raised from this is going to outsidethebowl.org. I've seen these guys in concert, and they are bad, dude. They're good. Outside the Bowl is the organization that I'm going to be going to Haiti with. And they feed over a million meals a year to children that are starving. You're living it, brother. That is so cool. Please go to OutsideTheBowl.org. Check out more. That's awesome. Oh, dude, it is. It is, man. One thing to talk about stuff and then to actually get on a plane, go to Haiti, and help feed kids is very impressive. Dude, I'm telling you, man, I felt so strong about that.

2:13:37I felt so strong about it. You know, I have kids, and I've heard it before, you know. I mean, I've heard that stuff before, but I just thought, man, what if my kids hadn't eaten in a couple of days? Sometimes it gets you, you know. Something will touch you or get you in the right way that, you know, you feel like you've got to do something. Mm-hmm. No, that's one of those situations, and so go to OutsideTheBowl.org. Get tickets to that show. Come see me. Come see that concert. It's going to be a fun night. Friday, November 12th. They're going to be in the studio playing that morning. It's going to be great. I'm going to put up a full candelabra. I'll wear my robe. Just another Friday night then. Don't forget your scepter. I have my scepter. It'll be really great. We'll carry you in Queen Ride style. Next night I'm singing with the FM 94.9. 8th anniversary bash house band. Mm-hmm. Killer. Which I can't wait for. It's going to be good. You can get those tickets, too. You should get those tickets. That's going to be a good show. Just added a new band. Going to have Company of Thieves. New politics. Night marchers. Hold steady. Real good. 570-194-9 is our number. It's breaking news, man. In Henning, Tennessee.

2:15:06Two female employees were killed in a post office shooting. Just happened? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Don't know what the motive is? It's 50 miles northeast of Memphis, unclear on circumstances that led to the shooting. Really? So scary. Terrible. Let's see. M1 White from Escondido. What was the word of the day? Candelabra? I can't speak very well. Candelabra. Candelabra. You are correct. Thank you. You just won. Pair of tickets to UFC 121 in Anaheim. Wow. This Saturday. Right on. Yeah, worth $441, and you're going to the event. You got a boyfriend? Maybe. Maybe. He's going to be stoked. Was he creeper? No, I was just saying. By a man or a woman, I don't know. He's going to be stoked. Or she's going to be stoked. Do you have a girlfriend? Maybe good. Maybe. Maybe good.

2:16:07Maybe hang on the line. We'll get your information. Hang on the line a moment. I'm going to kick your butt. You're doing this. That's hilarious. Kind of scared me a little bit. Me too. I started sweating. Yeah. It is hot in here. I wonder if Jake's giving me a cold. No. It's in your head. You're fine. Mine never matter. And I need to stop picking my nose. That's from the pot in the kettle right here. Mind over matter as you're scratching your bed bug itches. I have a legitimate problem. You don't? I do. I'm going to the derma. Are you? I am. Good for you. Did you go to the regular doctor? No. You're going straight to the derma. I am. You know what he's going to tell you? What? Or she. Mikey! Do you know what he or she is going to tell you? They. What they might tell me. They say you're fine. Put some moisture in it. No, I tried some anti-itch cream this weekend. I still itched. Is it everywhere? Is it all over? Like your scalp itches, your arms itch, your legs itch. Everything. She's scratching right now. Every once in a while I'll get like a random pain. I think I might have a parasite. She is something else. Something else. Flush eating bacteria. It's weird. Last night when I was trying to go to sleep, I had itches all over too. Oh yeah. Bed bugs.

2:17:26Here they come. You went to the movies, right? I did. I went to the movies yesterday. Enjoy your bed bugs, people. Oh, boy. Woodsy, what was the company that had the glass shards in their frozen veggies? Well, the company is, well, they don't have Kroger's here, but they do have Walmart's here. And great value 12-ounce steamable sweet peas and steamable mixed vegetables have been recalled. There are glass fragments inside. Oh, my gosh. Glass. This sucks. If I could pick them out, I'd eat it. Mikey. If I picked them out. You can't pick them out. You can't pick them all out. They're shards. Great word. You don't tell me what I can't pick them out. Great word. Shard. He's got little hands. What if I could, you know, if they're big enough and I could see them. You could see them, but the little tiny ones can still rip open your insides. Rip your throat open and come out. Oh, yeah. You don't want to do that. Don't nobody go in the bathroom.

2:18:21Four by 35, 45 minutes. Got to be careful. You do. Fine. Maybe just get another brand. It hurts. Yeah. Just thinking about it. I wonder how glass shards got in there. I don't know. Is that the glass broke? Maybe they don't bring glass around the stuff that they're cooking. Maybe that's a good idea. So, listen to this. 5701949. You're going to want the number when you hear this. Hey Mike, the other day my boss and I are sitting in the conference room waiting on our client to arrive. My boss asked me for a pen. Joking, I hand him a tampon from my bag. He put the tampon on my desk and stands up, leaves the room, comes back in a few minutes later with a pen. After the meeting, I get called into his office where our HR manager is waiting and I receive a letter that will go on my personal file. Is this really happening? It was a bleeping joke.

2:19:23Inappropriate behavior, my bleep. Oh, wow. The guys at work are always telling fart jokes, and that's okay. You think I'm out of line? M1 easy bait. Wow. The last part presents an interesting conundrum. What, because of the guys? Yeah, conundrum. Yeah. Same thing. It's just a bodily function. It's true. I mean, dude, maybe that guy lightens up a little bit. If it was like a stiff... strictly no tolerance for that kind of behavior, but then she just added in the fart joke thing. Well, see, it's weird. It's weird because of environment. You know what I mean? Like, it'd be one thing if this guy that she did that with, if he is taking part in jokes himself. Because if he's taking part in jokes himself, it's kind of hard for him to be like, oh, I'm offended. But he's also not. Dropping the hammer on those guys. You know what I mean? Nobody's complaining. Maybe she should complain. Well, yeah, I guess. But then she's complaining about that. That's the tough one. Well, if you want to have just an even playing field. That kind of looks bad, though, doesn't it? Like, bringing that up then. If it bothered you, bring it up now. Not when it's convenient for you. But I think that guy's a...

2:20:45D. But I used to hear that sometimes, like, say you're going, say the posted speed limit was 65, you're going 75, but everybody around you is going 75. I used to hear that you could use the old, but I was just going with the flow of traffic bit. Couldn't she just use the going with the flow of traffic bit? Maybe. That's a good analogy, L.O.B. Yeah. I mean, hey, this is... I mean, she could, but... The bottom line is that if there were somebody that were offended by somebody farting, they could complain about it. Like I'm about to. Zip your lip, pal. She just wouldn't have to throw anyone specifically under the bus. But look, understandable that if that doesn't fly, I won't ever do it again. I just kind of thought I was in the nest. The trust tree. Yeah, trust tree. Yeah, I mean, if L.O.B. did that with me, I think it was funny. I wouldn't have a problem with it. I wouldn't do that. You wouldn't do that. I would fall over from laughter. Yeah, me too. But that's our environment. Yeah. Our environment is pretty jokey joke. Maybe that guy loosens up. Yeah. Maybe don't take yourself so seriously. Maybe that guy didn't like getting handed a tampon. Well, it's a tampon. Maybe he's a douchebag. It's a thing that women use, Woods, because they have. Maybe he didn't think it was fun. What if she put a roll of toilet paper on his desk? What do you mean? Like if he asked for a pen and she's like, roll of toilet paper. That's something that people use because of a bodily function? Well, yeah. I don't think. I think that was just offended him.

2:22:05I mean, maybe that would offend him, too. I mean, it offended him. Maybe quit crying. Maybe people are different. Maybe quit crying. Maybe he's not you. Maybe quit crying. You're a clown. I mean, it's a tampon. Big deal. Maybe it offended him. I feel like what Mikey's saying is if I were to do that, he might go to HR, too. Oh, me? No, I would think it's funny. I would think it's funny, but that's our environment, you know, to each his own. Like, you know, you know what I mean? I think L.O.B. is one step away from you're one fart away. Oh, me? I'm sure. You're one fart away. I'm sure. You're one fart away from L.O.B. marching into... Oh, please. If it hasn't happened by now, it's not going to happen. Yeah, it's not going to. We're okay, I think. Well, seriously. I don't know. What do you think? 570-1949. I mean, is there really a such thing as a personal file? Like, that happens? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've got one. And then what happens? It, like, travels with you. You've been here 10 months. He's got one. Like it's too thick? Yeah. All they need is like three things in there and then they can light you up. Maybe I break in that office. What? Oh, wow. Yeah. That's what they teach you. They teach you how to build files on people. Really? So they want you to document everything. That's great. I don't think I've ever done a file. It's really great. Let me tell you, L-O-B, it's really, really real. You're on file here? Yes, I'm on file here. Not for like sexual harassment or anything, but kids got a rebellious behavior.

2:23:29You didn't realize I filed against you when you grabbed my butt that one time? What do you get when you hire a rebel, pal? You get rebellious behavior. I thought you weren't a rebel. I'm not. Good, upstanding citizen. Woods just did that thing. Woods goes, the sky's blue. I go, you just said the sky's blue. He goes, I didn't say the sky's blue. What do you expect? 5701949. Think about that. We'll just close that wound right up. Yeah, we'll just suture that. Some people really don't care. People are joking around. Some people, they don't find the same humor in it. And it doesn't mean that they're uptight. It just means that it doesn't. If the HR person found it to be offensive as well, then case closed, I guess. Well, the HR person is always going to side with the manager. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the HR person finds it offensive. Flip the coin, man. What if he gave her a tampon? Well, like, what if... Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what I'm... I'm saying... I don't know what I'm saying. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone. There's another good drop. Just leave me alone. I don't know. I think it's unfair to call people uptight just because they have their line. Really? Kind of. Yeah, but if the same guy is farting and laughing, I wouldn't go to HR, but I can't stand that Woods farts. I hate it. It stinks. I'm sorry, but if it were me that got in trouble for that behavior and it was all the fart and boob jokes and all those things were flying around, I'd be like,

2:24:58All right, Mr. Manager Man, you want to ruin my fun? You're going to ruin everyone's fun. Oh, well. I would. Woman scored. Oh, boy. Because if he's the one having... Women never get back. Hey, if he's the one having fun with the fart jokes, then guess what? His fun's over, too. Strictly business. You set the bar, pal. Yeah, that's true. Nothing wrong with that. Nope. Sounds fair to me. Tattle on your real good. No. After. Girls over tattle. Yeah. Everybody just relaxes a little bit. It's a tampon, dude. Big deal. Yeah, but if you're the one that's going to now have a personal file. It's a tampon. Dude, you and me are the same. We're seven when it comes to that word even. You say the word, me and you want to throw up. Yeah, I'm surprised you guys are even able to say it. I know. Makes me giggle. I think it's hysterical. It makes me giggle. You think it's hysterical? Yeah, I think it's funny. I think she's funny and it sounds like a girl that I would, you know, like to hang out with or work with. LB, you'd do something like that. No.

2:25:55Really? She would not. I get real weird about those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very private. I still don't even know what they're for, but just leave me alone. I want to know. I think it's gross, and I don't care if any man or woman is like, grow up, Mike. Fine, you didn't tell me to grow up. I think it's gross. I'm 40. I'm like a little kid. You sure are. At home, please, just a place I don't ever have to ever know they exist. Why is that bad, L-O-B? It's just grody. Because it's a fact of life. I know, but I don't want it. I don't want it. You can have it. Fine. Make it so that I don't know. Have it. Yeah, I just don't want to know. I don't want to know. Is that so much to have? Just accept that it exists. Why? If you can make it so that I don't have to accept it, can't you do that? If it didn't exist, you wouldn't have three young boys at home. Chew on that. Face them, though. Age-old conversation between men and women. Women always want to go, oh, grow up. Oh, blah, blah, blah. Listen, we just don't want to know. That's all. Yep. Just please, please, please keep it super, super, super hidden. Keep it quiet. Shut the door. Lock the door. The whole thing. Matter of fact, if you could just disappear for that whole week, that'd be great. 100%. Just go on vacation somewhere. On me. On me. I have not. I don't deal with that. On me. Rebecca doesn't get weird. She's never been. She's the same all the time. She doesn't get trippy.

2:27:26I had a girlfriend that got real trippy. Yeah, I've had a few of those too. You guys just have a rough, rough life. Oh, man. So disgusting. Just go on vacation. Get out of my sight. When she does that, I need Helen ready. I am woman. That's fine. I need earplugs for when you guys start talking like that. Talk me through it. Why does it bother you? Because we can't help it. Yeah, you're right. Don't. But you can control one thing. What? Put it under the sink. No, everything is discreet. But there are times where, like, what if I was like, hey, while you're out, can you pick up? Oh. Hey, babe. No problem. Why don't, you know, you're going to, like, you don't know this is coming? You can't plan ahead? I mean, you don't know this? Have a stash, maybe? Yeah. Maybe by 9,000 of them. On me. Here's my debit card. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you know what? It's still going to happen. Should be able to have adult conversations. So do you guys have problems buying condoms as well? Yes. Really? Yes. I don't buy condoms. No, but... And you never did? No. You dirty sailor. I did. And I didn't like it. Yeah, I would... Nerve-wracking. Yeah, I would buy, like, if I had, I'd have bought in Tide... Everything with it. Hair spray. Pepsi. And condoms. Oh, I still... And a two liter of Pepsi. If I have to buy, like...

2:28:54The feminine products? Even if it's a girl checker? I won't go to a guy checker. Sometimes if I go to a store, like a Marshall's or something like that, and I have to buy undergarments, it's your luck of the draw. They'll be like, tell her number four, please. Tell her number two, please. I would judge. I'd be like, this would be me. That time, huh? Oh. No, no, no, not for the feminine products. More like just underwear, bras. Oh. It's awkward. Watching a guy handle the dainty little things. Like what? Like he's perving out on you? No, just we're all uncomfortable. I hear you, L.O.B. When I used to walk through the mall with my mom and you walk through the bra and panty department, I used to skeeve out. I mean, I'd stare at the floor and be like, oh, God. If I ever saw a guy in that section, I'd be like, perv, get out of here, weirdo. Jay, you see Jay just running around the lingerie section. Just laying on the floor. Yeah. Let me tell you what the most humiliating thing in the world used to be. Walking up to the cash register.

2:29:55with a pair of 46 jeans and putting it on the counter and her having to fold them. Having to fold them. She's like, Bill, will you come over here and grab one? It looks like she was unfurling a flag. My arms don't reach that wide. And you grab that in. You grab that in. They're like folding a sheet. It's like they're folding a hot air balloon. It's like they're putting up a hot air balloon. They're folding a big sheet. So we've all had our woes. Grab that end over there, Bill. When I see a woman. Bill! I need your hand. No, no. Okay, so on three, walk towards me. Do we have bigger bags? They won't fit in this bag. Oh, dude. When I see a woman at the grocery store, I'm so weird. But when I see a woman at the grocery store with a lot of toilet paper, like a big, I'm like. It grosses me out.

2:30:58Pooper. What? Disgusting. Disgusting. But you just told me to stack up on 900 tampons. But if I buy toilet paper in bulk? If I saw you doing it, I think you're filthy. I'm saying do it. Definitely do it if I saw you doing it. Do it at midnight on Tuesday night. Do it at midnight on Tuesday. I have zero problem buying any amount of toilet paper from any gender. If I saw a good looking girl like L.O.B. in the grocery store with a bunch of toilet paper, I'd be like, you poopy pooper. Pooper. Is this a poopatorium over there? Yeah. Girls use toilet paper for both actions. Fine. I would not. I'd only think of one. Me too. You're just the poopiest pooper. Maybe she's buying it for the whole household. Is she? Yeah. No ring on that finger. Yeah. Oh, forget it. Single pooper. Oh, look at that. Single pooper. Grow up. Look at that girl who lives alone and poops all day. All day. Grow up. Hey, poopy doop. Hey, poopster. What'd you have to? Just go home and poop? Yeah, I am. Pooping eater. You guys okay with that? Want to come over? Hey, Polly Poop. Hey, you want to come over? Not anymore. Let's have a poop party. I guess. That's all that's happening in this apartment. Clearly. Poopy, poopy poops. Look at the toilet paper. That's all that's happening. M1 Bebe from San Diego is on the line. Are you there, Bebe? I'm here. Go ahead. So about three weeks ago, I had, sorry, this is going to be kind of gross, I had the worst yeast infection ever.

2:32:21Okay, well, you know. Did you hang up on her? No, I didn't hang up on her, but it would take me a while to recover from that. You mind if I take my 15-minute break now? Required by law. Does OSHA allow us 15 minutes to just recover from what I just heard? And don't all you ladies roll your eyes at me. Every woman in the world is rolling their eyes right now. 100%. Grow up. It's a fact of life. We had a guy call in and say he had a yeast infection on his face and you didn't lower him down. Yeah. Because that was hysterical. You didn't even give the woman a chance. We called him Breadhead. Do you remember? Breadface. We called him Breadface. All right. Bebe? Yeah? I think your story's a little too much. And we need to be very careful now.

2:33:30Okay. Okay? We love you, BB. We love you. I love you guys, too. I just wanted to say that I had to return the products to a man. Oh, God. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Did you ask me if he had anything stronger? Can you imagine? Can you imagine if that was what you had to go do? Wow. Oh, my gosh. I'd hire some dude off the street to do it for me. I'll give you 20 bucks. Just go make this ride. Yeah. I told you guys. I would have come back. I had a buddy in college that got crumbs. Yeah. And I had to go buy the RID for him. You did? I did it. Why did you? Because I didn't have it. Yeah, he gave me money and he's like, I can't do it. And I was like, I'll do it for you because I'm your boy. And I went and I did it for him. Did you help him with a little comb too? I did not help him with the little comb. And I said, don't come anywhere near my house at all.

2:34:29I did it for him. I would do it for you. If you ever get crabs, just give me a call. He's talking to M1 Nation. Right. Good to know. You're going to be busy this weekend. Hey, Woods, it's M1 Bill. Can you meet me down at CVS? It's about noon. I would not do that. I would. For somebody. I would say, yeah, you're on your own. There'd be pictures taken of you walking out. Oh, I know. For sure. 570-1949. M1 Papa Driz from Oceanside. Good morning, guys. Hi. Hey, so my wife and I had a scare about two weeks ago, and so I'm like, all right, not only is it embarrassing that I'm buying condoms, but I'm going to stock up so we don't have a picture again. So not only am I buying, like, two boxes of condoms, but I'm also buying a pregnancy price. Oh, boy. I'm just trying to figure out, like, and then the checkout person is a girl, and I'm just like, what is going through her head right now? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the worst. They should have self-checkout everywhere. Yeah. Everywhere.

2:35:34Guys don't have really embarrassing stuff that they get. Oh, yeah, we do. We do? That doesn't bother me. I buy that all the time. But, like, what if you had to buy Imodium AD? It's embarrassing. Yeah, it is. Embarrassing. Or Gas X. Check. Check. It's so embarrassing. I've had to buy both. Hemorrhoid cream? Haven't had to buy that. Should have. You use that under your eyes, though, so it's fine. I don't. You do. No, I don't. You have. I have a product that I use under my eyes. You know that works. Prep H under the eyes? Ooh, I think you can burn your eyes like that. It works. I've used it. Yikes. Takes a dark circle. If you got biscuit eyes or whatever, you put a little on there, you're good. Mm-hmm. Have you ever had to buy a Modim AD, Lauren? I'm sure I have. No, don't give me this I'm sure I have bit. I'm sure I have. I need to know if you actually. That wouldn't bother me. What about Gas X? No, I don't think I have. Not Gas X. Are you being completely honest? What about Beano? I'm pretty much true to form with Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, that's a good one because you can get away. You're like, I'm about to vomit. I'm nauseous. Or you get the run. On that note. Topic is, do I have my son Jake's cold? You don't. How many texts do you think that the average teen sends a month? We have the exact answer. And it's shocking.

2:37:21May blow you off your chair. It's going to blow your mind. And what... Excuse me. Excuse you. What celebrity called for the, quote, satanic death of Fox News and GOP leaders? Who said that? Famous person. Famous person. Very famous person. Very famous person. LOB, do you know the answer already to how many texts teenagers send? Do I know? Do you know the answer? I have no idea. Take a guess. In a month, how many texts do you think... The average teenager sends in a month. In a month, let's see, 3,000. What is it, Woods? It's a pretty good guess, L.O.B. 3,339 texts per month. That's crazy. What does that average out to? It's like more than 100 texts a day. 100 plus a day. They've got to work hard at that. Yeah. Dude, that's all they're doing is just texting.

2:38:44Mobile companies are like, yes. Didn't they get it unlimited? Probably unlimited, but still. I might be on par with the teenagers. I'll have to check. I'm not a big phone person. I like to text. Check this out. Teen females send 4,050. Teen males send 2,539. And you put those together, you got 3,339, pal. Wow. I want to know why you're not a good phone person. I'm not a good phone person either. Because I would rather be. In the car, I can deal with the phone, which is the worst place you should probably be on the phone. But I've got the little earpiece thingy. I'd rather be doing something. It keeps me very stationary and anchored if I have to be on the phone. It's uncomfortable. I get a crick in my neck. I walk. I'll have to walk. I have to move. It gets hot on my ear. I feel like I'm going to get a brain tumor. For me, it's social. I feel like I'm talking wrong. I feel like I'm saying things wrong.

2:39:42I feel like I'm being scrutinized. I feel judged. Even when you're, like, if you're talking to me? Yeah. Judged. Yeah. I love to gab on the phone. I know. I do. I'll call Mikey, and I know he looks and goes, eh, I'm not in the mood. I don't. 100. I don't. Dude, the only time I don't answer, you know me, I tell you the truth, only time I don't answer when you call is I turn my phone off. That's the only time I don't. I love the chat on the phone. I talk to Bauman. Every day. I know. You're good about that. And I talk to my friends, you know, all the time. Where do you find the time, too, with the time difference? I'm like, all my friends, like, on the East Coast and stuff, we're just on such different schedules. I just, I feel like, I get it from my mom where I feel like I have to be the glue. I'm the glue. I keep all the groups of friends together, you know, and I make sure I touch everybody all the time. My mom's the same way. My mom has the gift of gab. I do not have it. When I call L.O.B., I try to make it very brief. Yeah. Well, I start to lose. I have ADD when it comes to the phone. What do you mean? Your voicemail? When you leave her voicemail? She never answers the phone. That's your new bit, too. My new bit is I answer the phone. I do. She's answering. If I'm there. Jay always answers. Sienna, probably 8 out of 10. Mikey, probably 6 out of 10. And L.O.B., like 2 out of 10. That's not true. Used to be. Used to be. I'm better. I'll see the new. I keep my ringer on. Try her. I will.

2:41:07I used to keep it on vibrate and then I just forget about it. It'll be in my purse or like somewhere. I know how to make my phone so that you cannot know that it's me calling as a private number. She doesn't like that. No, I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I think it's a creditor. You think it's a creditor? Yeah. I always think it's going to be someone that's like, I know. So creeped out. Is this Lauren? Yes! Hi. Hi. Just wanted you to say hi. Oh, okay. Who is this? This is me. Who's me, creep? I just wanted to say, that's a wonderful handbag you're carrying today. Where are you? Who is this? So creepy. I know. That was very creepy. Even the look on his face was creepy. I even answered the other day for a private number thinking, this might be Mikey. So I picked it up. Lo and behold, it was the creeper, Mikey. I don't.

2:42:09So you want to know what celebrity said he called for a satanic death of Fox News and GOP leaders? Oh, boy. What genius was that? A gentleman named John Cusack. Oh, geez. Says, quote, I am for a satanic death cult center at Fox News headquarters and outside the offices, Ordik, Armand, Newt Gingrich, and all the GOP welfare freaks. Put that on his Twitter. And. You've got to be kidding. He's a funny guy. No, he was dead serious. Hysterical. Yeah, that's bad, dude. I see things on Twitter I don't mean. My new bit is writing back athletes, filleting them. I got it TO today real good. Why do you even? Because I like to. I don't have my Twitter touch anymore because Mikey jinxed me. I get there and I just stare at the screen. I got nothing to say. I like to fillet them. Why follow them? If you're going to fillet them. Because it's funny. It makes me laugh. It amuses me. What if people did that with you? They do that with me. Are you kidding me? They do? I turned off my frigging comments this weekend. On Twitter? On Facebook. You can't get me. I noticed. If you tried, you couldn't get me. I tried to post something on Woods' page, and there was no way to do it. And so I texted him, did you disable comments on your Facebook? Greatest thing I've ever done. By far. I feel like a king. Because people weren't saying stuff about me.

2:43:35They do it to get a rise out of it, and they know it'll work. It works. Your home life is going to suffer because you were getting out all your fighting on Facebook. No, we'll be fine. We'll be fine. It feels dynamite. It does. It feels dynamite. See what we've all been reduced to? Yeah, I'm going to wait until after the playoffs. Why is Obama going to be on Mythbusters? Because what else better does he have to do? I mean, everything is... We're tip-top in this country right now, so... Why not take time out of your schedule to go on a show like Mythbusters? Maybe work on the economy. Maybe the myth was that he told that he doesn't have a birth certificate thing. Yeah. The myth is that I will change everything. I said change was coming. And then I got elected and there wasn't really that much change. And then people got upset about it, including my own constituents. He's working on it. I'm working on it. Well, he's going to be on Mythbusters. Oh, boy. Brace yourselves. Ready? I can't even say it. Ready? To challenge the ancient myth that Greek scientist Archimedes set fire to an invading Roman fleet using sunlight reflected by mirrors. Is that a fake story? It's a real story. If George Bush did that, it'd be like, hey, dumb, dumb. Killed, killed, killed, killed.

2:45:07Fair enough. Fair enough. Our economy's in the toilet. The toilet. My wife, who has a dynamite resume, dynamite, good-looking girl, personable, can't get a callback for a job. Yeah. Unemployment. Not a freaking callback. Dude, unemployment is so high. The economy's in the toilet. You better go check out what happened with Archimedes. You better. Well, experts say that we're out of the recession. They say we have been. Oh, yeah, yeah. It feels like it. I don't know who those experts think they are, but. Experts.com. Yeah. Expert Village. You know what, though? She hit up Mythbusters. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of stupid. About Archimedes. Why don't you hit up The View? Oh, wait. You did. You did go on The View. Sorry, I voted for you, Obama. I did, too. You gotta. He's staring at me right now as I speak. You can say no to some things, Mr. President. His poll. Wait. Don't talk about his pull, Mikey. That's what she said. Come on, pal. You set yourself up for that. I did. You're being inappropriate. His approval ratings. Toilet. In the toilet. They're really low. They're really, really low. Remember this video? Oh, yeah. It's a classic video where he's got the black gloves with no fingers. He's doing the punch.

2:46:50We'll play Midi Madness when we get back. Call us right now, 570-194-9 if you want to play Midi Madness. That's just good right there. That's just good. I need a boy cowbell. Good stuff. How fantastic is that? That's a little blue oyster cult. Don't fear the reaper. We're going to play a little Midi Madness here. If you want to play some Midi Madness, give us a call, 570-194-9. What's the prize, Jay? Chicken dinner. Chicken dinner? From Kyle's Jr. You're going to play Midi Madness? Are you offended by Mini Madness? No, I'm not offended by Mini Madness. Chicken dinner? I was calling in mistakenly because I was looking at my clock and I thought it was 10.04. That's not. Sorry. I thought you were off the air. We're not. Almost. What are you doing? Why are you out of breath? I'm not doing anything and I'm not out of breath. That's just how it is. That's how it exists. You're out of breath. How was your call with Carrie Fisher? It's not very.

2:48:31Okay. Make sure they know that. Rick R. Jackson. Rick R. Jackson. CBK. Mr. Rick R. Jackson is in studio right now on the mic. Mr. Jack? Yes? Have you received? I got every one. I put my phone number on every single one of them, and I have not received a phone call back. I've put my phone number, and one of them I put my business card. What did that say? It just said, Captain Buzzkill with my phone number.

2:49:34if you must know, but it's really none of your business. I was waiting for this very moment to talk to you in person. Will you please fire the Mikey show? Okay. Done. Wow. Easy. Thank you so, so much. When will you fire them? Well, let me talk to them about that. Will you fire them today? Sure. Great. You will fire them today? I'll do it today. May I make some suggestions? Okay. Oh, boy. I'm here for you. First of all, I took two semesters of broadcast. Oh, this is what this is about. I get it. So did I. Yeah. It's a suggestion. I'm not saying you have to do it. It's just that I know how to DJ. I believe you. With that sultry voice of yours, I'm sure.

2:50:31You would pull in huge numbers, CBK. You can't breathe into the mic like that. Yeah, hi. It's Captain Buzzkill here on 94.9. It's not going to work. You know, it's so funny that you say that because I've asked my friend. Your imaginary friend, Shiloh? Your friend, singular? And he said that I don't do that. You do that? Listen to the podcast. By your friend, you mean your mom. Which I know that you do. I'm so glad that Mr. Jackson is going to fire you. wait to listen tomorrow when you are gone. And I will rejoice. I will rejoice. Jagger and Christy should be hired as your choice. Please fire my team. Please hire Jagger and Christy. They've got their own show on another season. Okay. They'll look into it, I'm sure. You are too.

2:51:42Are you talking to us or Mr. Rick R. Jackson? Mr. Rick R. Jackson. I am not. I'm looking forward to this. Great. Please return my phone call later today. I respect it or you will get another letter or hear it from my attorney. You probably need to go to his boss and tattle on him that he's not responding to your letters. You mean Hoyle? You know about Hoyle? I've heard him on your... Stupid Joe. Why do you keep listening? Yeah. Oh, no. Now you've done it. No, Rick. You know, you feel like you can talk to management because they're more mature, and then you find out that sometimes they're not mature either. So disappointing in this moment. You had your shot. You blew it. You couldn't sell it because you're weak. Oh. Can I talk to you guys for a minute? Yeah, sure, yeah. Bring your playbooks. Yikes. Guy's unbelievable, Rick. I love him. He's just... Are you saving his letters? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I got it hanging on my wall. Absolutely. And his number. Rick put my beanie on. I know. Yeah. He's wearing your beanie? It's brilliant. And he said I wasn't mature. That's right. It's like he's about to rob the bank. Yeah. You know what I mean?

2:53:10That was fantastic. Thank you. It's fantastic. Hillary's here, too. Hi, Hill. Hi, Hill. How are you? Good. How's it going? It's going good. How are you doing? Good. How was the weekend? It was really good. So, yeah, Buzzkill might be calling you later. Oh, gosh. He's obviously really on one. He's worked up. He's never called my show before, but I've sort of wondered when he was going to start. He probably will. Yeah, I mean, he writes these letters to Rick. Rick doesn't respond. He's really getting upset. He did friend me on Facebook. He sure did. He did. He did. Captain Buzzkill has a Facebook. It's Captain with a K. Captain Buzzkill. I accept it. I love Captain Busco. He's the best. He didn't think anyone would know who he was if he put a K instead of a C. He writes sometimes in parentheses. He writes, please friend me in parentheses. It's fantastic. What do you got coming up, Hill? I grabbed good stuff. Dead Confederates, new record, The Clash, Muse, something off Black Holes and Revelations.

2:54:21New Politics. We're playing our 8th anniversary bash. Some Louis XIV. Nice. There you go. I just always called him Louis X1V. I'm sure you did. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next. We'll come back tomorrow morning, 6 o'clock. Do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out.