The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/20/10
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday October 20, 2010
Mikey contemplates dressing up for Halloween while Woods is certain Mikey has cursed him and his Yankees. Mikey talks about his guy-only camping trip coming up. RIP Tom Bosley, who always wondered if Fonzie was a closet tweeker. What’s the deal with orchestra conductors? Jame Gum will tell you! Bacon Palooza and Bark Maumann’s girlfriend troubles are next. WoS has lots of man crushes on a bearded freak and NFL fines for helmet-leading hits. The hypocrisy of the NFL is exposed for cashing in on what they fine players for. Christine O’Donnell knows more about eyes of newts and Ouija boards than she does the 1st Amendment. MIDI madness gets Woods’ goat when the Dave Matthews drops are played. Lauren gets nude for her steam bath (this will send creepers to the podcasts by the dozen). You Da Manicure is announced! Jet Blue guy pleads guilty for being an angry gay man. Adelle from the station sales department plays will they or won’t they and LOB is compared to Howard Stern. Buzzkill calls in to rub salt in Woods’ Yankee wounds and offers up one of the creepiest laughs you’ll ever hear. Lauren loves watching documentaries on the Bloods and the Crypts. An emailer wants to know if should tell his wife he cheated on her and this blows up in to a very touchy subject. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen at a restaurant? Woods reads the news story of Carrie Fisher snorting coke and CBK calls in and gets fooled again by Eskimo Bluewaters pretending she’s the real Carrie Fisher! EBW gets Buzz to admit his real name is Walter Schnertz! Woods plans to take Mikey to a Fightin’ Irish game. The “turdiest” list of turds for Celebrity Apprentice is announced. During Ding dong sing-along tough guys put their “hearts on a plate”. Jay’s creeper remarks keep coming during the topic jar and why did he turn down an offer to be on a reality TV show? LOB plans on losing her mind during the Mikey Show Marathon. Mikey loves Thanksgiving and wishes for good turkey. Woods will buy a fried turkey at Popeye’s. I’m hungry just typing this.
Bumper Music
| 1. State Of Love And Trust by Pearl Jam |  |
| 2. See A Little Light by Bob Mould | |
| 3. Pyro by Kings Of Leon | |
| 4. Run To You by Bryan Adams | |
| 5. Arms Around Your Love by Chris Cornell | |
| 6. Too Young to Fall in Love by Mötley Crüe | |
| 7. In The Mood by Robert Plant | |
| 8. Blizzard Of ’77 by Nada Surf | |
| 9. Hip Hop Is Dead by Nas | |
| 10. Supersonic by Oasis | |
| 11. Rest In Pieces by Saliva | |
| 12. Waiting for Somebody by Paul Westerberg | |
| 13. Just by Radiohead | |
| 14. Miss You by The Rolling Stones | |
halloween dress‑upbarry zito cursesan diego stadium legislationbaconpaloozawill they or won t theycarrie fisher cocainecollege football traditionsding dong sing alonghalloweenbarry zitostadium legislationbb gun
The show opened with Mike, Woods, L.O.B., Jay and Sienna reminding listeners that M1s must dress up as the hosts for Friday’s studio day. They then talked about the Barry Zito curse, the new San Diego stadium legislation, and the bacon‑filled Baconpalooza event. Later, Adele played Will They or Won’t They?, refusing to take a BB‑gun shot before shooting Mike and Jay in the thigh. The episode also featured Carrie Fisher discussing her past cocaine use, a rundown of college football traditions, and an explanation of the Ding Dong Sing‑Along game.
What happened, in order
Halloween dress‑up rule
The hosts declare that all M1s must dress up as the show’s hosts for the upcoming Friday studio day.
Barry Zito curse
Mike recounts how he called Barry Zito during a perfect game, left a voicemail praising him, and Zito subsequently blew the game, which Mike believes cursed Zito’s career.
San Diego stadium legislation
The crew discusses newly passed legislation lifting the downtown redevelopment spending cap, hoping it will fund a new Chargers Stadium and light the Coronado Bridge.
Baconpalooza
Mike describes the bacon‑themed event Baconpalooza, complete with bacon‑flavored drinks, foods, air freshener, soap, and a board game called Mr. Bacon’s Big Adventure.
Will They or Won’t They? with Adele
Adele from sales joins the studio for the BB‑gun game; the hosts wager on whether she’ll let them shoot her in the butt with a BB gun.
Adele’s BB‑gun shot
Adele says she will not take the shot, then shoots Mike in the thigh and Jay in the thigh, winning the round and prompting laughter.
Carrie Fisher cocaine story
Carrie Fisher reveals she used cocaine on the set of The Empire Strikes Back while promoting her new book on the show.
College football traditions
The hosts highlight quirky college football customs: Ole Miss’s 18 mph speed limit, Paternoville tent city at Penn State, LSU’s Cajun tailgate, and the world’s largest cocktail party at the Florida‑Georgia game.
Ding Dong Sing‑Along explained
Jay explains the Ding Dong Sing‑Along game: when a song stops, the caller must start singing something original, with no silence or “I don’t know” allowed.
People mentioned
MikeWoodsL.O.B.JaySiennaAdeleBarry ZitoTom BosleyCarrie FisherWalter SchnurtsChrisJeff Morad
29,352 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Welcome to the show. What day is this? Wednesday. What, 20th? Yeah. Wednesday the 20th? Yeah. Of October already? October. Got 11 days to Halloween. Insane. What are you going to be? I don't know. Something. Probably not anything. You're going to be something. You have to. You have to. I do? That Friday that we're in studio. Yeah, and M1s that are coming in that day must dress up. Yeah? They have to. You can't come in and not dress up. You have to dress up as one of us. Yeah, dress up as one of us. That would be rad. All right. That's not that would be rad. That's the rule. That's the rule. Them's the rules. You have to dress up as us. Mm-hmm. Just remember what we're all about. All right? Man, that dude would have won last week. Yeah. M1 meat suit? Yeah. That dude.
dressed up as me and he really did it up. He actually shaved his head because I have a shaved dome and he did it. Yeah, he risked his marriage. And then he glued the hair off from his head onto his chin for a goatee. The only thing that would have been closer would be to hollered you out and got inside you. I know. Seriously. It was great. He was really good. Like a tauntaun. Like a tauntaun. Real quick introduction. I'm Mike. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. Sienna will be back on Tuesday. She's our news girl. Jay's our producer. And it's crap. It's crap. Crap. He's our phone screener, and he's over there to our right. Call us, 570-1949. If you're a part of the M1 Nation, you know the rules. Turn your radio down. Get to the point. Don't cuss. Make new M1s all the time. That's a big thing, man. Use your social networks. Use your Twitter. Use your Facebook. Use all of it. If you're still on MySpace for some weird reason, use that. Be an evangelist for us. That's right. Get out there. Do it up. First of all, need to let you know the word of the day is planetarium. And it's a big-time word of the day today because today it is worth. We had three to give away. This will mark the second we're giving away, and then we'll have one more to give away on Friday. A pair of tickets to go to UFC 121 in Anaheim on Saturday.
Those tickets are worth $441. I'm going to kill you. That's how much. I like that. I wouldn't if I was anybody here today. I wouldn't poke the tiger. I just wouldn't do it today. Woods is saying don't poke him. I'm in the cage. I haven't eaten really. I'm not feeling well. I'm mad. We'll get to that. Yeah, we will. 7.30, Adele coming in? Yes, she is. Adele is a pretty girl from our sales department, and she's going to come in studio at 7.30, and she will play Will They or Won't They? And Will They or Won't They is a new game that we do where we ask somebody in the building, will you let us shoot you in the behind with a BB gun? Don't tell us the answer. Just come in tomorrow morning at 7.30 and tell us. And then we wager on it. That's great. If we're wrong about what they'll say, we have to take the BB. If they say they'll take the BB, they got to take the BB. So that's that. What Woods is referring to is that he is sad today. The Yankees, his favorite baseball team, lost last night. My favorite anything. My favorite anything. My everything. You don't love any food. No. You don't love any activity. No. You don't love any automobile. More.
Then you love the New York Yankees. In my code, it's wife, dogs, Yankees. Yankees and dogs tied for second. You really live that up. I do. Here's the deal. A lot of people are, oh, I love this team. I'm a fan. Okay, fine. I'm not going to question what you do. I'm going to tell you what I do. I spend $25 a month, every month, to watch Yankee games on my laptop. I watched this year 130 games, 125-plus games on my laptop. Mostly complete games. It's a lot of baseball. It's a lot of time I put in. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears. Woods is not that happy with me. No. Why is that? He feels, and I don't know. I'm assuming. Maybe I shouldn't assume. Yeah, ask Barry Zito. Just ask Barry Zito. How's his career gone since you?
Stuck your beak in? Coincidence. No. Curse. It's a coincidence that when I called Barry Zito's cell phone and left him a voicemail while he was pitching a perfect game. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. While I was still active in my addiction and drunk, and I said to him, hey, dude, good game, bro. You're having a great game. And then he went on to blow the game. And then really never have a... A career afterwards. Wow. Let's get him on the phone. Let's see how he feels. I'm sure he's more than willing to come on the phone. Well, he's not on their roster right now, making $15 million a year, so he's got spare time. He's not? No, he didn't even make their playoff roster. No, he didn't. Well, I opened my mouth a couple days ago. Oh, my God. It's been a train wreck ever since. And I said, listen.
I believe that the Rangers don't have a chance of winning tonight. And the Rangers went out and killed the Yankees. And then yesterday I said, listen, I really feel good about tonight's game for the Yankees. And I think that they're going to win for sure. And then they lost last night. And so when I got up this morning and heard that they'd lost, I instantly thought, oh, no. I'm a dead man. And I checked my phone, no communication whatsoever from Woods. No email, no nothing. No emails, no texts, no form of communication. And I, I actually considered, well, do I, do I, do I? And every answer kept coming back. No, don't just don't just leave it. Leave him alone. Leave it alone. Just wait it out. Got to work, walked into the studio. He gave me a look like, thanks a lot, pal. Got me again. Yeah. I think it's a bit. It's not a bit, L.O.B. I ain't saying anything, L.O.B. I think Woods was expecting a loss before you said something, and now he's just looking for somebody to blame. Fine. Whatever. Whatever works. All I know is they lost, and they're not playing good baseball, and they're not playing Yankee baseball, and they lost to Shara last night. He's out. Ripped, shredded his hamstring. He's done. Just great.
M1 Jesse's calling in from Carlsbad, and you can call in 570-1949. Hi, Jesse. How's it going, Mikey? It's going good, dude. Can you tell everybody what an M1 is? Someone who turns on the radio and gets the point and doesn't cuss. Nice. Very nice. What were you calling about? Two things. One, I can't wait to meet you and see you this week at our ministry in Ramona. Nice. You're going? Yeah, I'll be your EMT firefighter there. Nice. Hey, is it in Ramona? Yeah, just before Julian. It's right off Schoolhouse. I forget the road, but it's right before the Witch Creek Fire Station. I didn't even know. I didn't even know. By the way, there's like four left if you want to go to this thing. It's a guy's only thing. Seriously, there's very few left. If you want to go, go to North Coast.
church.com and you can get tickets, but there's not very many left. I mean, it was literally down to a handful. So there may not even be that when you get there now, but if you want to go, I'm speaking all three days and really I'm not even speaking. I'm doing voices. I'm doing voices Friday. I'm doing voices Saturday. And then Sunday I'm going to do like my normal bit, like oil, all that stuff, like all the voices. Yeah. That's killer. Yeah. So, um, It's going to be fun, man. I mean, it's only guys, though. Sorry, ladies. Are you camping out there, Mikey? No, it's cabins and stuff like that. Oh, how cool is that? Yeah. Going to summer camp. I've never gone to a camp. Little boys go to summer camp. I didn't even go to fat camp when I was a kid, which is... Did Rebecca write your name on your underwear? Not yet, but... Well, she better, because you'll lose it. I'll lose my underwear, and then they'll say, oh, I found Esparza's underwear. Yeah, Skidmore. Funny. Is it? It's hysterical. Isn't it? No, I guess it is. Michael! No, gritted teeth. Michael! Tell you what, I got the cleanest panties in the world now. Taught me a lesson, didn't it? Anyway, why were you calling, Jesse? I was calling because since you brought bad luck on Woods, I think that it's only fair that you would go to one of his games and take a pitch.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'd do that. Would you? You'd let me pitch to you? Oh, my God. You wouldn't hit me on purpose, would you? No, I wouldn't hit you on purpose, but I'm wild, dude. I'm wild. You are? On the mound? Yeah? Yeah. Ask your boy Craig Balbin how wild I am. I had him 0-2, and I hit him in the hip. A friend of mine plays in Woods League, and he hit him. Drilled it. Oh, what? Well, I don't want you to hit me. You'll hit me on purpose, and then you'll claim that it was a wild pitch. See, and if I do, if one does get away from me, I'll feel bad. And I'd feel bad. You would literally feel bad because it would hurt you. Yeah. I'm sorry, Jesse. I think you have a great idea, but I think you've got to keep working on that because it could end a friendship. It really could. A working relationship, a friendship, the whole thing. You know what I mean? He's like, I know you did it on purpose. I know you did it. I swear I did it. Yeah. But I like your moxie. I like your moxie, Jesse. All right. Thank you. I got that from Jay. Jay said that one time and it made me laugh so hard. It's a great word. Oh, it is a great word. It's underused. Who do you say that to? To L.O.B.? He told L.O.B. one day she had moxie and it made me laugh so hard. I think I'm just going to, you just have to come, you owe me. So you just have to come to a game, an entire, I'm going to pick you up. You have to sit through when we warm up until the very end. And you just have to sit there. Done. And take it.
Done. You sit on the bench and do voices. I'll serve. I'll serve. Hello, everyone. I have to call the game and all time radio the whole time. That's my whole bit. They would love it. Hello. Hello. Yes. Welcome to the space ball extravaganza here in California, where the tipsy crows are facing off against the elite. And today on the mound for the tipsy crows, Mr. Steven Woods, number 22. And today he will be pitching on behalf of. The Tipsy Crows, where there's no finer drink in all of San Diego. America's finest city goes to the Tipsy Crow in order to find... The finest in beer and spirits. That's pretty funny. Don't forget this game is sponsored in part by Pabst Blue Ribbon at TBR. That's right. Oh, man. Today's game brought to you by Bala. Be a Bala. That's right. Feel like a Bala. Feel like a Bala, be a Bala. Put them on your Bala. I would love it. That's right. They would love it. My guys would die if you came out there and sat on the bed. How annoyed would you get with yourself after a couple minutes, Mike? I know it. What?
All I heard was, how did you say I know it? Because I was thinking about. Because that's what he does. You got it. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know me better. You got it. I said, how annoyed would you be with yourself after a few minutes? I would be annoyed. You would or you wouldn't? I would. I would be. My guys would love it, man. Yeah. It's done. Consider it done. Not this Sunday, but next. I think I have. No, you don't have anything to do. I think I do, Woods. I'm sorry, man. I'm so sorry. Next Sunday, the following Sunday is Halloween. You guys won't play on Halloween. Yeah, we will. Is it national holiday? I don't know. You're going. You're going. On Halloween? Yeah. It'll be a morning game. I'll pick you up early. Make it right. He's got trick-or-treating to do. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I will be inviting some M1s out there, so I'm, you know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Got company. They'll be there. Update on Junior Sale. What's the latest? Well, he was released from the hospital yesterday. He was treated for minor injuries. And he will be arraigned on Monday for the domestic abuse charge. He will be charged with...
an unsafe turning movement and faces a very stiff penalty of one point on his license. I don't understand what that means anyway. What? Unsafe turning movement? Points. I don't understand points. You get so many points and you get in trouble, I guess, right? Yeah, you can get your license suspended after a certain amount of points. Really? Your insurance surcharge goes up. Yeah, don't get tickets and stuff. I wonder how many points we start out with. Zero. Zero. Oh. Yeah. Okay. In some states, you start out with like two and you're a probationary driver. So I think in California, it's zero. That's cool. Luckily, they don't do that in Texas. I would have 3,000 points on my license. I bet, right? It would be terrible. Have you had any violations in California since you've been here? Well, let's see. Since I moved here, I had that one right on red that I paid from the airport. Woods has been here for 10 months. Yeah, I had a right on red that I paid. Is that a moving violation or just a citation? Citation. and then I backed into that girl, but nothing happened. I didn't even have to pay my insurance. They paid it. So no points. No points. She was in her vehicle. Don't anybody freak out that it was like a hit and run? Yeah, no, she was in her vehicle, and I literally was going one when I hit her. So I didn't see her. Hey, this is interesting. The governor signed something yesterday that could potentially help the fact that we're...
Trying to get a new stadium here in California, particularly in San Diego. San Diego. Right? Yeah, he did. It's controversial legislation to lift the cap on downtown redevelopment spending in San Diego. So that is going to open up some fundage, hopefully, for the new Chargers Stadium. And that's the first thing on the top of everybody's mind, is hopefully we can get that done. I hope they do it. Maybe he puts the kibosh on the Coronado Bridge lights. Not gonna happen. Those lights are going up. Gotta light that thing up. I mean, it's lit up. We don't need fancy pants. Christmas lights is what they're gonna put. The interesting thing about this bill is that it was very hush-hush. Created very hush-hush by Mayor Jerry Sanders and Center City Development Corp leaders. It says, quote, quietly crafted the bill. Isn't everything quietly crafted these days? I think so. Do we really, like, are we up on bills? Here in San Diego, as San Diegans, are we like, hey, wait a minute, you flew under the radar on this one. I usually know about bills that are going on in my town. We don't know anything. It's going to work every day. There are certain cities in California that are kind of at their cap as to what they can spend. Well, we were too, and this opens it up for us. So other cities now are going to be like, wow, great. If you're L.A., you're like, well, we're at our cap. Are you guys going to free up some cash for us to redevelop our downtown?
which is a turd. Yeah. I wonder how much cash. A lot. Hopefully lots. Millions. Billions. Kajillions. Kajillions. Trillions. Speaking of that, we can't get people to go to Petco Park to watch the Padres. Right, in a playoff race. They just don't go. We don't go. Got other stuff they want to do. We don't go. You don't go. Why don't you go? Well, because you like to complain. To the park. But you like to complain. when they don't re-sign players and when they don't spend money. I mean, it's a catch-22. Yeah. So now, what are they looking to do in Escondido? Oh, just a brilliant move. They're going to build a minor league ballpark in Escondido. They're looking for a AAA squad, or the Portland Beavers, a AAA squad being sought by an investment group led by Jeff Morad, who's the Padres' owner. Catchy name. I guess this guy likes to... Burn cash. And it would be the Escondido something? Yeah, Beavers. Well, maybe people that are actually coming to the games live all the way out there, and it's a haul to come down to Petco, so they figure they'll come out to these things. I mean, maybe, but it doesn't stand to reason that if you can't fill...
One of the, I mean, and when I say the greatest, it is the freaking greatest. There is nothing like Petco. Storm play, the Elsinore Storm in that there are minor league. Yeah. Elsinore maybe. I have an observation. Lake Elsinore. I have an observation to make. Are beavers indigenous to the Escondido area? No, I think Oregon though. Maybe they'll change the name because they were in Portland with Edward Cullen and his family are big, big beaver fans. Yeah. You know that. What would they call an Escondido team? The angry beavers. Are they angry in Escondido? They would be. There's not many pawns. Oh, yeah. That makes sense then. Angry beavers. They're angry because they don't have pawn. Crazy. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I just don't get it. No, I think you're right. I don't get it. 570-1949 is our number, and you can text us 949mikey at gmail.com. This is sad news, man. Guess who died? Listen to this clip of him. It's not just another hardware store, Marion. It is a monster. It's three stories high, and it's got an escalator and a credit department and 600 different kinds of nails. You know how many kinds of nails I sell? Rusty and not rusty. Tom Bosley died. Great.
Great. Yeah. Crazy. We're losing a bunch of people from that era of TV. He used to be in this really quirky and odd animated show that really wasn't for kids that I used to watch as a kid because I wasn't monitored. And it wasn't for kids. Yeah. It was called Wait Till Your Father Gets Home. And it had very adult themes. You know, the whole thing was very adult. It was talking about communes and sex. You know, and I used to love Wait Till Your Father Gets Home. He was greatness, man. Yeah. Mr. C. Mr. C. Mr. C. Yep. Great show. Golly. He died of lung cancer. Perfect. So I wonder if he was a smoker. Probably. Like everyone was at the time. All those guys used to blast cigs back then. It doesn't, you know, Woodsy, that doesn't scare you, right? Yeah, it scares me. It does? Yeah, man. But you like the cigarettes so much. I mean, not so much, but, you know, a couple a day. Is it a couple a day? Yeah. How many would you say you have? Five. Five? Yeah. It's not as bad as it used to be. I just hope you don't work your way back up. No. Nah. I don't have time. Yeah? Yeah, I don't smoke in my house, so. Yeah? Yeah, but you couple that with a fresh can of Copenhagen. Uh-oh. Make me scared for you. No, I know. Don't worry about me. I do, though. Indestructible.
Uh-oh. Oh, gosh. Better knock on some wood. That's right. Let's see. Oh, I can't wait to tell you about this thing, Baconpalooza. My bacon is so good. This is what you call Saturday morning? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I call Saturday morning. And me too. Anything better than the smell of bacon? Oh, it's so good. I think your beans could be their mascot. Yeah, for sure. I am not a big meat eater at all, but there's just exceptions that I make. Bacon is one of them. Yeah. Have you ever had bacon dressing? Like dressing flavored with bacon. Like it has like ranch with a little bacon in it. Oh my God. Thousand Island with a little bacon. I don't like bacon bits. I don't like bacon bits. They're okay. I mean, I'm not going to kick them out of bed or anything, but. I like moment potato. Yeah. Delicious. They're not real bacon, are they? That's okay. They just taste like salt chips. Salt chips. I brought something up this morning that everybody thought was. made me clownish, which is, I thought conductors were a fake bit. Like orchestra conductors. Yeah. Symphony. Symphony. Yeah, when conductors are conducting a symphony, I didn't think that the people were playing. You said, do you think anyone's ever paid attention to a conductor? Yeah, because they're looking at sheet music.
So like Leonard Bernstein, his whole career was just a sham. He just stood up there with a baton. No, no, no. What I think they do is they write the music, they compose the music, they may even teach the music to the orchestra, but that they're up there as like a, you know, for show. They're a metrodome. Or a metrodome. The metrodome is in Minneapolis. Where the Vikings play. You should go there. The speed, the levels, the sharpness. Really? You'll see him when it's time for the symbols. Look and hit the... I don't think anybody's paying attention to that. It's like hitting the post. It's like hitting the post. Their eyes are on him the whole time. What is he going to do next? Really? And there's so many people involved. Chris is saying no. Chris is saying, come in here, Chris. Maybe he knows something. If anybody knows, I think it's a fake bit. He was in an orchestra, I think. Maybe he interned at the New York Philharmonic. What do you know, Chris? Tell me. I used to, I played in a symphony for school. No, I'll make that right, Mike. I thought it was. Okay, I need to tell you this because this is new. That mic is now labeled Sienna. Oh, really? Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Hello? Yeah. I played for a symphony in school.
And in high school and in smaller, younger groups, they look at the conductor, but most professional groups hear each other and listen to each other for the tempo. And it's not really the sharpness, but he'll do cues too just in case, but most of the time he's just there for show. The professional groups can work together to keep the tempo. But in high school, that dude actually is doing something? Yeah, like he'll even have the time signature, like depending on the motion of his hand. It's very specific, and that's where you learn. I would not have paid attention to him. I would not have paid attention to him. No, I would have been reading my music. Yeah. It's all peripheral. Peripheral. Yeah. There you go. Thank you, Chris. So why would they just keep him there for show now? Because it is kind of cool, I think. I think it's kind of cool. Why would they? I don't know. I think conductors look really cool doing their thing. Do I? Really? Mike, you do? They do? It's the last time you've been to a conductor thing. A symphony. You have conductor posters up in your bedroom? Yeah, I just have various orchestras. I'm like, oh, this is Boston Pops. This is the Philadelphia Philharmonic. One of my faves. Yeah. This is at the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City.
They're really good. I have an autograph of this one. Yeah. This is James... Gum. Yes. This is James Gum. He's from a really wacky little orchestra. And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, and... So, Woodsy's got everything that's going on with the playoffs to tell you about. We're going to hit on the... He's upset because of his feelings. And we're going to tell you all about that bacon palooza, which is hysterical. Don't go anywhere. Word of the day is planetarium. Okay, now today, the word of the day is worth a lot. Worth $441. Sometime between now and 10, you're going to hear me use the word planetarium. I'm going to weave it into a sentence. It's worth a pair of tickets to go to UFC 121 in Anaheim this Saturday, which is going to be great.
You got to be listening for it. We got Woods on Sports coming up in just a second. And he's going to be telling you about all things baseball, which he's not going to enjoy because his Yankees loss. He's not too stoked about it. Almost called in sick today. You did? I didn't want to get out of bed. That was miserable. It's miserable for me. He has a hard time with that stuff. I'm done with it. Where's Baconpalooza? Oh, dude. I got to go to this thing sometime. Next year, maybe we make a trip to New York's Soho neighborhood, which is known for its art galleries and hipsters. Really? I believe you. Yeah, they had a charity event called Baconpalooza, which might be the raddest thing I've ever seen. They had Bacon the Musical. There are songs about bacon, bacon art, bacon products, and bacon food and drink. So you have 50 bucks, gets you in three days, and you feast on bacon. They had Diet Coke with bacon. Ew. Yeah. Ew. Balsamic bacon-wrapped shrimp with chipotle sauce. Tell me that doesn't sound good. That sounds good. The Diet Coke with bacon. Mikey, bacon-wrapped dates, bacon dipped in chocolate, BLT with bacon vodka, tomato juice, and a sprig of lettuce. Mikey. Bacon egg cream, which consisted of bacon vodka, chocolate syrup, seltzer, and milk. Ew.
Bacon, bacon, bacon. They have bacon air freshener, bacon soap. Bacon air freshener. They have a board game called Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure that also has the wiener wasteland and the sausage sea. Wiener wasteland. That's what they said. That's where L.O.B.'s vacationing. Yeah. Sausage City. Sausage City? Sausage Sea. We're going to have to skip over the Wiener Wasteland. Yes, and you don't want to end up at the Gristle Grotto either. I think LME wants to set sail at the... Sausage Sea? All aboard. All aboard. All aboard. All aboard. All aboard. More than likely. But this thing... I mean, look. That's gross. Diet Coke with bacon in the can. Like, not homemade. Is it chunks? That makes my mouth water. I think it's just flavored, LLB. I don't think there's chunks in there. Gross. But bacon-flavored lip balm, yeah. Our friend Kimbra got me a cookbook. All it is is bacon stuff. In. Oh, my gosh. Love it. You know what?
Should have read my story. That's a hoax. Just the bacon Diet Coke. Somebody made it up on the internet and put it up and everyone was all excited that they were going to get to try the Diet Coke with bacon and they showed up there wanting to try it. Turned out to be a hoax. Turned out to be a bit. Later on we're going to tell you about the 747 that buzzed the Golden Gate Bridge. As like an air show stunt. As a stunt? Yeah. Oh, that's not funny. You want to do it later? You want to do it now? We'll do it later. Do it later? I want people to know we're going to be doing that in a little bit. You know what I do want to talk about? Because dudes will relate to this. The Bark Malman deal. It's a friend of ours. Lives in Texas. One of my best friends. Probably my best friend. And he said to you that...
He did something that really upset his new girlfriend. Now, first of all, you've got to know, very unusual that he's got a girlfriend. Oh, yeah. He is a player. Guy's a Lothario, man. Yeah. I mean, he doesn't settle down. What's a Lothario? A guy that slays a lot of women. Okay. Like Don Juan. Like a Greek god? Yeah, maybe. But I just love that word. So I'll text him that. I'll just text him Lothario. He loves it. I've never heard that. But his thing is that... He's dated a couple series girlfriends, you know, and has just been a random, just serial dater. And I say dater, you know what I mean. Yeah, how old is Malman? He's 39. What? Really? 39, yeah. Wow, he looks good. Sharp guy. Sharp guy, makes money, nice ride, great looking apartment, sharp dresser. He's got it. He's got the whole package. He's a good guy. He's fun. Well, he gets a girlfriend. He's got this new girl, and she's gorgeous. cute, younger, just not super young, very established in her career. He goes, well, Woodsy, this is it. He calls me about a week ago. This is it. I found it. I got it. I have a girlfriend now. I can't tell that part, but he said, I guess I can. He said when they were making love, they decided that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Oh, creep. So creepy. So creepy. So anyway. So you want to go?
Do you want to go steady? You're my girlfriend now. So anyway, he goes out of town last weekend, right? Wait, wait, wait. Big guy's trip to Nebraska for the Texas game. Gets back in town. They drive all night Saturday. It's like 1,200 miles. He gets back Sunday, and he's got a new girlfriend. At the beginning of a relationship, we've all been there. You remember, you want to see him all the time. You can't keep your hands off each other. All you're thinking about that whole drive home, if it's you or me, Mike, or you, Jay, or even you, L.O.B., is I cannot wait to get home and see that person. Sure. Well, he gets home. They have a date planned. They made love Thursday night. He left Friday, and they decided their boyfriend and girlfriend, and he calls her, and he goes, hey, listen, I'm just really not feeling it tonight, you coming over and hanging out. And she flipped out. Did he say it like that? Yeah, he's like, you know, my throat's a little sore. He told me, he goes, dude, I got Sunday night football. I got the Yanks and Rangers on tonight. He's like, dude, I want to watch. I go, bro, that's your new girlfriend. Like, you made the deal. You made it. You made the pact. And I said, he goes, she's freaking out on me. She's like, why wouldn't you want to see me? Should I be worried? And he's like, she's being psycho. And I'm like, she's not being psycho. I'm like, you're a creep, dude.
Did he agree with you? No. He never relented. I had to lay down the law, and then finally he called her later. He's like, listen, how about we do something tomorrow night, the next night, and the next night, and all this whole big deal. But he did agree that, well, I guess I can see your point. Yeah. But he was, like, incensed. That's something I would do with an established boyfriend or girlfriend. Be, like, just totally straight up and then be like, it's not. no one's going to have fun if you come over tonight. I'm tired and cranky. I don't feel good. But not in the beginning. In the beginning, you have to bite the bullet. And there's the whole deal of living in the truth. I mean, if the guy's tired, you know, first of all, I say, don't say that. Nut it up. Have her come over. But if you're going to, then tell her the truth and just say, listen, I'm really tired. And I want to watch the game. Games. Vince Young was playing. You know him. Texas ex-quarterback. They will be playing the next weekend. He's like, my boy Vince is on tonight. I want to watch him. The Rangers. I'm like, you're a clown. And I'm not surprised that she's mad at you. He was flabbergasted that she would be upset. Good. I'm glad you set him straight. Yeah. I was like, of course, dude. She's mad. You just made love to her Thursday and told her that she was your girlfriend. And then you leave.
And then you don't want to see her on your first day back? You can't do that. You can't do it, man. He always finds something wrong with him. It's a trip. He'll be 50 and be out in the clubs in Leather Speedo. Leather Speedo. Would you want a girl that was like, okay, treat me however you want. I'm a doormat. Some guys do. I guess, man. I guess. See, that's what I was talking about, though. We all got that nature that just goes, whatever I want, man. I want what I want. Well, that kid, you know, being an only child and he, I mean, the guy's 39 years old. He goes to his parents' house. They'll, like, still do his laundry. They'll send him home with food. So he's very spoiled and he wants it the way he wants it. And he likes his sports and he likes his guys' trips, you know, to watch football. But at some point, you can still have that and have a relationship with somebody. They just have to be in on what you're in on. Yeah. 570-1949 is our number. And you can call us and tell us what you think about it. Or you can text us if you want to. Our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. I mean, is she being psycho? Even a little bit? I didn't think so. She has to set him straight to put the rules down. At the beginning of the relationship. Otherwise, she is a doormat. Yeah.
More than likely. I mean, she was like, oh, my boyfriend is so sweet, and he's coming back today. She's excited for him to come back. She probably told all of her friends that Friday, oh, my gosh, we're official, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going to hang out on Sunday. Yeah, like, he's great. He's used to having it the way he wants it, too. Absolutely. It's hard for guys to quit that, but what they've got to realize is in the long term, you just end up alone. That's what I told them. I go, dude, you don't want to be 40 years old ordering pizza, you know, by yourself. Trying to sleep a 22-year-old. I wish I could have talked to him about it. Oh, you would have dropped a hammer on him. Because if I dropped the hammer on him, you know you would have. Yeah. You know it. Well, and you guys are both conditioned that when you guys get on one another, it's like your brother. It's like your brother. Yeah, for sure. It's like your brother saying it to you. And you're just instantly... Wrong, sir. Yes. Wrong. Like you don't know what you're talking about. No. It was crazy. Hey, you know what I want to do? Let's do some of this right now. I want to know what's going on in the playoffs. Even though you don't like it, Woods, I think it's important. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Last night was not a fun one for me. The Rangers beat my boys, and they have beat the Yankees soundly. I mean, they have looked like just a dynamite team where the Yankees are being outplayed, they're being outpitched. You watched the whole game? Yeah.
You watch the whole game? Yeah, I always do. Right to the very end? Yeah, to the very end. I never will not. Ever. Give me three in the morning, and I'll be watching games. Just FYI in the playoff. Great. Yeah. Don't worry about it. I just thought, you know, well, what I thought to myself is that the ninth inning, you would be like, well, this is done. Well, they keep throwing, like, seven up in the ninth every night. It's ridiculous. I mean, I did, like, I turned, like, the last, I mean, after they scored three in the ninth, I was like, all right, I don't even need to watch the Yankees bat. Right. Because it's ten to three at this point. Mm-hmm. A.J. Burnett was like he was the question mark last night, and he came out and he pitched really, really well and gutty. And he threw one bad pitch, and that one bad pitch got hit for a three-run homer, and it was downhill from there. But let's listen to what Joe Girardi says in what may be his second-to-last game as Yankee manager. Cut one. As I said, I believe in this team. And we've bounced back many times this year. It's a very resilient professional group. And they'll be ready to play. Will they? And you worry about tomorrow, and that's it. Do you? I hate you. I hate you. Oh, wow. Strong words. Fired up. He's such a—he won a ring last year for the guys, and I'm stoked about that, but he's such an over-manager. He's got his little notebook. He has no gut for the game.
And he has his little notebook, and he's running and crunching numbers over there. I just want a World Series. I know. You know how we are. We want it every year. I need more. I need more. So weird. It's a different mentality, man, being a Yankee fan. Making the playoffs is not enough. It's just not. Also, in what has become a really, really fun series to watch, much more fun than my series, the Giants and the Phils are battling. And the Giants... are playing great baseball. They shut out the Phillies. I'm all about the Giants right now. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Stop it, dude. I am. Turncoat. So are you, by the way. I don't want to hear Giants around here. No. Really? So am I. Who's your favorite new player? I think he's awesome. Who's your new man crush? I like Brian Wilson. He's funny. I think Brian Wilson is funny. I wish he was a podger. Come in here asking about his beard. Want to make love to him? The Giants won 3-0 yesterday. They got a 2-1 lead in the NLCS. Let's listen to Mikey's new lover, Brian Wilson. I'm a jerk. Once again, a workhorse. Went out there, got us his seven innings.
And then Javi Lopez. Is he saying this dressed like a wizard? Yes. He's awesome. The guy was getting timely hits when we needed it, beating a marvelous pitcher and a great postseason pitcher at that, too. He's hysterical, okay? So people know, why does Mikey have a man crush on Brian Wilson? Because he's hysterical. Tell us about the Zach Morris phone bit that you told us about. Oh, yeah. All the stuff you're in love with him for. He does bits, and I think bits are funny. He was wearing a Spartan hat. He was? Yes, he's freaking brilliant, dude. That is kind of funny. He's funny. Let me tell you, though. I'm rooting for those guys, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm a baseball fan. I'm a baseball fan first, and I love Tim Linska, Matt Cain, Cody Ross. He's having the postseason of anybody's career. He's playing his butt off. Buster Posey. I mean, the Padres I rooted for hard. They didn't make it, so now I'm going for these guys. And they look great. The Phillies can lose. That's a good thing, Mike. Get out of here. Yeah, get out of here. You haven't watched one game. I haven't. Not one pitch. Get out of here. I don't have a TV. Yeah, there you go. Get out of here, you know. They show it in the bars here. I don't go to the bars. I know you're hanging out in the bars. I don't. This is a pretty funny story I found. Do you know who Pat McAfee is? Yeah, he's a guy that's...
No, I don't. Okay. I thought I did. Well, you wouldn't really. I mean, he's the punter for the Indianapolis Colts. I guess I don't know. Well, guess what he did? What? Well, the guy went out, got a little tipsy, and decided he was going to go nude swimming in a canal in the nightlife district and got arrested for public intox. If you're the punter, keep a low profile. Absolutely, man. Is that the same thing as the San Antonio? Where is that? Like the Riverwalk, yeah, in San Antonio. I don't know. Oh, I hope not. It was one of those. Indianapolis? It was one of those big, you know, like they had like a big pond or something in the middle of downtown. He decided he was going to go swimming. Yeah, and they asked him, hey, how much have you had to drink? And his quote was, a lot because I'm drunk. Oh, gosh. It was brilliant. Brilliant. And then this was a, you know, we didn't talk about this, but I wanted to at least mention it. It was one of the saddest things I'd ever seen. We saw a little bit on it yesterday, but there's a player, Eric LeGrand. He plays for Rutgers. Went in for what looked like a normal tackle. Hit the guy, fell backwards. He was paralyzed. His legs stayed up in the air. He was instantly paralyzed. It was absolutely terrible. Here's his head coach talking about how his mindset is at this point. Cut three. I've seen him every day. He's in good spirits. There's nothing that I can give you one way or the other. We're not really going to avoid getting into daily updates.
You know, he's very aware of what's going on. Sad. Said he could recover, but it's going to be a very long road for him. It was just so sad, man. And then finally, Mike, they have dropped the hammer on some NFL players for their... vicious and flagrant hits last weekend. James Harrison from the Steelers was docked $75,000 on Tuesday. The Patriots safety Brandon Merriweather and is it Donta, isn't it? Donta Robinson. Yeah, I always want to say Dante. Will lose $50,000 each. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of dough for doing your job, basically. But, you know, they're going to be cracking down on this stuff these days, man. And it's going to cost these guys a little coin. And I guess it's a thing where it's... They don't want the public's opinion to be that they don't care, and they want to be the caring league and all that stuff, and so that's why they're throwing down heavy fines. 7.30 this morning, we're going to be playing will they or won't they? What we do, we go into the office here in the building, and we'll ask somebody, will you take a BB in the butt? Now, we don't pick, like, some...
rough and tumble dude that we think will be like, yeah, sure, I don't have a problem with it. We pick somebody very unsuspecting. And we ask them, and we say, don't tell us the answer. But if you'll agree to come in and just answer the question, you know, then we'll take you. And we're going to wager on whether they'll say yes or no. Today it's Adele. Young, attractive salesperson. Will she take a BB? We will wager on it. Me, Woods, and Jay. If we get it wrong, then we have to take a BB. If she says she'll take a BB, she's got to take a BB. Yeah. Nope. And so we'll be doing that in a little bit. I didn't play that sound effect. There are some sound effects that Jay can play. Can you guess which ones? Let's just leave it that you will never hear that drop from Mikey for anybody. No. It could be a pair of door knockers in here and he's not going to hit that. I'm not going to hit.
What knockers? Are you sure? That was me, huh? I'm positive. I'm positive. Christine O'Donnell, who already comes across as not the sharpest star in the galaxy. I'm not a witch. She was in a debate and sounds like she doesn't know what the First Amendment is. When she keeps asking her opponent, that's in the First Amendment? That's in the First Amendment? We'll play this clip for you, which is very sensational, next. Hi, my name's Mike. How are you? Word of the Day is Planetarium, and it's worth a pair of tickets to go to the UFC 121 in Anaheim this Saturday. So sometime between now and 10 o'clock, you're going to hear me say Planetarium, work it into a sentence. And you got to be caller number nine to win that. At 7.30, Adele from our sales department. Adele. It's Adele. It's not. It's Adele. Her name's Adele. I like Adele. She'll come in. And we're going to play will they or won't they? We're going to wager on whether or not she will allow us to shoot her in the butt with a BB gun. And if we get it wrong, we got to take a BB. Love it. That's right. So there you go. Guess what I just found?
What? You know how you were talking about the fines in the NFL? Yeah, for the big hits. Yep. And I'm going to play you this Christine O'Donnell thing in just a second, but this is just coming across, and it's pretty interesting. So, okay, $75,000 to James Harrison. Correct. For his hit this last weekend on Muhammad Massaquah. Yes. $50,000 to Donta Robinson for his hit on Deshaun Jackson. Oh, man. And $50,000 in fines to Brandon Merriweather for his hit on Todd Heap. His looked the most vicious. I mean, the other one looked worse, but his looked the most malicious and calculated. Yeah. Now, there may be a fine for Kevin Burnett, who plays for the Chargers. We're going to have to wait and see. but this is a lot of fines and a lot of money, and they're obviously taking a big stance on it and cracking down. Seems pretty hasty to me. All of a sudden, now this is the way it's going to be. These are the fines that you're going to have. Well, what do you guys think about this? Apparently, KDKB in Pittsburgh went on to the NFL's website, NFL.com.
And found that they sell photos on NFL.com, including photos of these hits. Oh, God. What, are you surprised? I mean, that's the hypocrisy of the NFL, man. You know the Harrison Massaqua shot? Yep. That picture you can get. in a 15 by 20 inch unframed print for $54.95. Shocking. But you can also get it framed for $169.95. Oh my God. Or you can have a custom canvas gallery wrap for $249.95. That is extremely hypocritical. Yeah. That's the only good word for it. In fairness to the NFL, in my opinion. In fairness to them, they probably didn't realize. What? What? They probably didn't realize. They probably were like, I don't think, you know, if they had realized, oh man, that's the, we can't put that one up. We're doing these fines, blah, blah, blah. They were just putting up, in my opinion, they probably were just putting up good photographs and they didn't really like think about it. I mean, here's what I don't think they did. I don't think.
That what they did was say, we want to sell this really great shot of a dude getting his head torn off. And we know that we're fining them for it, but we're still going to sell it because we just want to make money. Somebody has to approve all the shots that go on there. Do they? Or is it just one guy's job? I think it's several jobs. several guys' jobs to take the photos, and then they submit them to the NFL to try to get them bought, and then somebody has to decide, yeah, that's good. Yeah, one dude, I think. Yeah, that's good. I bet it's one guy that's like, that's a good picture, it's a good picture, it's a good picture. And it was an oversight. Well, dude, I mean, the funny thing is, the hypocrisy of the NFL extends to, yeah, we want to cut out all these vicious hits because it's a vicious game. A, we're going to sell pictures of it online. B, you know what else we're going to do? We're going to extend the season by two games. I mean, the NFL has been exploiting their players for years, and I've never really understood why everybody takes their pants off and loves them so much. The NFL is such a great league. I mean, Bauman was texting me the other day about, well, dude, your baseball game got lower ratings than Monday Night Football. I'm like, I don't care about ratings. The NFL is going to be locked out next year anyway. I'm like, it's a joke. Yeah, they will be.
Yeah, they will be. I've been reading like mad about it. There will be a lockout next year. These guys don't want two extra games. The owners want tons more money, and they're not going to pay the players. The players are like, screw it. We won't play. Well, the problem with it is that they have so many things they've got to agree on. And they haven't freaking started on this thing yet. I thought they did. They have. But it's been like it's been at such an impasse at every turn that they've come to. I just read a huge article about it in Sports Illustrated. There will be a stoppage. There has to be. Because with all the stuff on the table next year, the two sides coming together is so unlikely. And they just haven't been grinding out the details. So there's your precious NFL next year. So anyway, what do you think about that? That's pretty crazy. I think it's ridiculous. By the way, if you want to play MIDI Madness, give us a call. I'm going to play you a very popular song on MIDI, which sounds like a bad Casio. And if you can tell us what it is, title or artist, you'll win. It's one of my favorite games. It's so fun. 5701949. Okay, so here's Christine O'Donnell in her. Now, you remember Christine O'Donnell, right? Oh, yeah. How could you forget? Christine O'Donnell is the famous. I'm not a witch. Right.
I was. When she was in high school. I was a witch. When she was in high school, she declared herself a witch and said that 10 years ago on Bill O'Reilly's, not Bill O'Reilly, Bill Maher's show, Politically Incorrect. And he found it and played it and now she's having to defend the fact that she's not a witch. She's spoofing it. Yeah. Now. So she's having a debate. Her opponent's name is Chris Coons. It's for the Delaware Senate. And here's what happens. The First Amendment, the First Amendment establishes the separation, the fact that the federal government shall not establish any religion and decisional law by the Supreme Court over many, many decades. The First Amendment does? Clarifies and enshrines that there is a separation of church and state.
that our courts and our laws must respect. So you're telling me that the separation of church and state is found in the First Amendment? Back to Roe v. Wade in the Griswold question earlier, it is important to know whether you have, on my side, a candidate who believes and supports those things, and on the other side, a candidate who is both unfamiliar with... Let me just clarify. You're telling me that the separation of church and state is found in the First Amendment? Government shall make no establishment of religion. Oh, God. That's in the First Amendment. Oh, my God. Why? Why? It's a little uncomfortable to listen to, isn't it? Slightly. Why does she keep going? Why four times? Well, her thing was, and she says it earlier, but it happens really quickly. She says, you're telling me that it phrases it separation of church and state, but then she doesn't have the sort of savvy to articulate. No, I didn't say that, but read between the lines. Yeah, paraphrase, maybe. Yeah, it did not come off looking very good for her. Didn't really help her case much. Her pretty weak case. 570-1949. You're telling me that witches and pagans are in the same category? Yes, I'm actually reading from the book of witches and pagans, and it says they're in the same category here. It says that. You're telling me that that's not something that happens every Friday night?
Get together across America. Yeah. In fact, what I just read was it's something that doesn't happen at every Friday night across America. That's the paragraph I just read. You're telling me that apples and oranges are not the same thing. What I'm showing you in front of me is I have an apple in front of me and I have an orange in front of me. Are they not a fruit? It's sitting in front of me. Yes, they are. Thank you. I rest my case. Yeah, rest your case. Let's see. M1AJ from Ramona. Are you there? I'm here. All right, AJ, let's play a little MIDI Madness, okay? All right. All right, here's how this works. I'm going to play you the MIDI, and you've got to tell me, title or artist, if you can, you're a winner. You get 30 seconds. You ready? I'm ready. Here we go. AJ, can you give me title or artist on that? Oh, my gosh. I don't think I can. Sorry, dude. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Hey, dude, don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. I'm so ashamed, you guys. I'm so ashamed. It was the Vapors. I think I'm turning Japanese. That's right, dude. Did I do this wrong? Am I supposed to have two players on and they yell their name out if they know it? No. You did it right. Good. Good for you. For once. For once. Okay. M1. Snowman from Carlsbad. Hi. Hey. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? Great. All right, dude. Same bit.
I'm going to play you this little MIDI. You're going to have 30 seconds. If you know it, just yell it out. I just need title or artist. Here we go. M1 Snowman, title or artist? You got it. You got it, dude. That's right. It's got to be one of the most recognizable riffs of all time. Hang on the line, dude. M1 Jetstorm, are you there? Jetstorm, are you there? Oops. Go ahead. Hi, Jet Storm. You are our last contestant. What do we got as a prize, Jay? We've got a four-pack to go eat at Carl's Jr. Chicken dinner. There you go. I've got everything on. You're going to do fine, dude. I have some confidence. Yes. You got it. You're going to be fine. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right, you got 30 seconds. Here we go. Title or artist, M1 Jet Storm. Title or artist, and you win. Is that sublime? Yeah, man. You are correct.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner, pal. Hang on the line, please. Yeah, it did. How much does that dude Rome sound like? Oh, so much. Bradley from Sublime. No, I didn't. No, they got a new lead singer. You heard that Dirty Head song where he's singing that song? Is that him? That's Rome from Sublime. Is he Filipino? I don't know. Oh, like Journey? Yes. You know, speaking of music, yesterday, if you weren't listening, later in the show, Dave Matthews... Oh, for the look. Got auto-tuned. Woods, why do you take your... I don't like it. Why do you take off your headphones when I play that? It sounds like a cheese grater in my ear. We were doing that all day yesterday. That's great.
I think it's gorgeous. Ditto. I think it's gorgeous. That's so good. 5701-949 is our number if you want to give us a call. It was catchy. That's right. My gonorrhea. Woodsy, you're tense, dude. Why? Because you're not your safe. I'm loose, man. No, you're not. I'm all loose. Maybe you should tickle him. You should tickle him. I'm all loose and everything. I'm having fun. It's the Yankees have you down. I'm bummed. I can tell. I don't like the Rangers. You need a steam. A steam? What's that? Like a steam bath? Like a Russian bathhouse? Yeah, like a steam bath. Oh. Yeah, I could go for a steam. I've done a steam one time. Where? L.A. Fitness. Was it nice? Yeah, it was nice. It was kind of dirty. Are you guys in the shower together? No, we're in the steam. We're taking the steam. So how are you doing, man? This is nice, and it's hot. Yeah, I feel weird because it's just me and you. Are you guys in just your towels? Yeah, I'm wearing a towel. L.O.B., you come in here. Oh, hi. Hi, L.O.B. This is weird. What is the steam? It gets your pores open and everything. It's just hot vapors? Hot steam. How come we're the only ones with towels? I don't know. We probably shouldn't be nude under these towels.
I know, but L.O.B.'s not wearing anything. That's a weird thing. Yeah, I thought that was the deal. I thought that was the deal, too. I thought you meant she was fully clothed. Steamy in here. I need a steam and, like, I need a massage. I need to be relaxed. I'm really bummed. You've never had one. I've never had a massage. Never. That shocks me. Yeah, I've had a couple. Have you, Jay? No, I don't want to ask you that. I don't want to ask you that. Several Asian bathhouses, I'm sure. I love it. The very first one I had was from a very, very strong black man, and I was hooked ever since. Is that a true statement? Massages or black men? You really did? Is that true? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He had magical fingers. Oh, boy. My first was from a guy friend of mine gave me a massage. How weird. He was a masseuse. He was a physical therapist. And I thought it was going to be weird, but, man, he had magic hands. Yeah, Woods. I can't believe you have to. He's a mansure. No, I am real sketchy about massages. Let's do it on the air. Let's have you get one. Yeah. Be all the way in. Let's do a day.
Where we go and we take listeners and we go get a massage. Oh, I'm all in. Like a beauty day? Yeah. Something like that? Yeah, we'll do a man pamper. A mamper. A mamper. Wait, just the guys? Well, it's mamper. Yeah. It's mamper. Cool. Yeah, we'll just mamper ourselves real nice. Mamper up real good? Yeah. Okay, well, I don't want a massage because I'm afraid of... You'll get a massage in the steam. But I'm afraid of something happening. You're afraid of getting a massage? Yes. Why? Because something might move. Oh, you're so dumb. I'm not dumb. I'm not. I'm worried about it. What if that happens? It's just not going to happen. And you're being inappropriate. It could happen, but aren't you laying face down? Yes, and it's not like... It hurts then. Oh, gosh. It isn't like they don't know that stuff happens. I don't care. That's still like going to the doctor. Yeah, they... They've seen it a million times. It doesn't make it any easier on you. You get that at the doctor? No, but like you have to... Really? You go to the doctor and that happens to you? When they check your boys, you're like, this is probably the 15th pair of boys that he's felt all day, but it doesn't make it any more comfortable. Well, if you don't get it there, then you won't get it. Do you? No, I don't get it there. Some old man grabbing my... How about you act like you're 35 when you go get a massage? Then you won't. Because I've never... You're not seven, dude.
You're not 12. This from the guy that left his piece hanging out in his robe. I mean, there's all kinds of horror stories. You'll be too relaxed to get it. Yeah, that's the problem. What if, you know, you don't want to be all relaxed and I'll be so tense the whole time. Do you have like, are you incontinent? He's banging his head against the microphone. I just, what if. Jay, here's what I want to do. What if the guy, you know, springs to tension? I don't want that. And then I'm all like moving around and I'm all tense. Just tuck it in. It's never happened to me. I'll just do a James Gunn real good. I have a buddy that that happened to. Yeah, of course you do. Because everybody has a massage horror story. I don't. Yes, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not that. I know. I think you'll be fine. Just think really, really bad thoughts the whole time. You'll be fine. Oh, my God. Can we do that? Can we take listeners? Oh, absolutely. We'll get it worked out. Here's what we do. We'll do a mamper day. Oh, my gosh. And we'll take a couple of listeners. You know what I want to do, too? For men only. Men only. You know what I want to do? Voice club. Yeah. Voice club. You guys are so sexist. I want to take dudes that are dudes dudes, too, that have never had a massage. That's what I want. Yeah. We have to figure out how we'll do it. Some kind of essay to get in, like they enter online, get Jared to put something together for us. That, we'll figure it out. We should get limo and limo to the place and do the whole nine yards. In. 100%. I'm on board.
And I want to do... I'll watch. I want to do two... I don't know if we do it separate days or if we do it the same day, but I want to do like Al Capone style hot shaves. Oh, I love that. Oh, that would be rad. Like straight razor? Yes. Oh, yeah. Can we make this happen, Jeff? Oh, absolutely. I'll get right on it. I'll get with Adam. Oh, I love it. If Adam's on it, you know it'll be done by this afternoon. Yeah. Yeah, the Mamper. The Mamper. The Mikey Show Mamper? Yeah. And we'll go get a hot shave. We'll go get a massage real sweetly. Maybe a facial. Facial? I've never had that either. They're great. It would be so funny for us to have dudes dudes that have never done this before. Don't do it if you're some guy that does it all the time. If you're like a metrosexual. We're going to check your fingernails when you come in. If they've been manicured, you're out. Yeah, don't be a metro guy. Yeah, your hand has to be a certain roughness to qualify. Let's do it on a Friday and we'll do it like a...
We'll let them come in and hang out. Yeah, we'll go right after the show. We'll go after the show. You guys can drink mimosas on the way there. I love it. In. Yeah. All the way in. Guys, get out. M1 Mamper. Yeah, M1 Mamper. Is this interesting? Does somebody want to do this? Will your listeners want to do this? 570-1949 if you like the idea. They don't want to admit to wanting to do it. Nah, that's a thing. You don't want to admit it. Will they not? They will do it. We will. We'll keep your anonymity. Maybe wives should have to submit their husbands that are too hairy. That's pretty good. That ain't bad. And if the husband can do it. Send your husband for a mamper day? Yeah, there you go. I like that. I do too. 570-1949. Or you can send your dad. Maybe you have to nominate someone. Yeah. I like all these ideas. I do too. Maybe we hash it out. Let's do it. Ever just hash out bits on the air? Yeah. All the time. All the time. I like this. I like it. Yeah, I could use a massage and like... You've never had one. I need to be relaxed. You should have me and Sienna come just to make sure you guys aren't up to any shenanigans. We'll be in a separate room and we'll get the whole nine yards. M1, Dooley from Rancho Bernardo. Just flies. You gotta let my buddy go to it because he just got back from Afghanistan. But anyway. Yes, that'd be a great count. You know he's a tough guy. Yeah? Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, it's pretty much a cyst, but anyway. He's my best friend, I can say. Anyway, the name of this thing has to be Euda Manicure. Euda Manicure! Euda Manicure! Euda Manicure! Euda Manicure! The Euda Manicure. I've had a dream of opening up a place where you can go get hot wings, watch sports, and get foot rubs from like... That's great. All the way in. Euda Manicure. Euda Manicure. Wow. That's it. Is that it? That's it. I love Euda Manicure. That's funny. And we'll say, you're going to come mamper yourself. Yeah. And it's called Euda Manicure. Oh my gosh, I love it. It's hysterical. I hope we pull this off. Absolutely, boys. Keep me posted. Thank you. Thank you very much. And lady. Lady. There's no ladies in here. Hello, Ms. Lady. M1, Mr. Ski Guy from San Diego. Yo. What up? Not a hind, dude. I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, we're not giving them away right now. We don't even know if we can do it. We don't know how we give them away. Yeah. But you would be in. But you would be in is what you're saying. It's not officially anything yet. You would be in. Okay. Yeah, why not?
You to manicure. Yeah, we're just building demand right now is what we're doing. Yeah, well, here's what I want for sure. I want a hot towel shave with a straight razor. I'm going to let my beard grow out nice and good. Like Brian Wilson? Yeah, like Brian Wilson. I shave real good. Clean, finally. Yeah. Stupid. Let it grow out. I'm going to. Until we do this. Can't wait. And we'll take a couple of listeners. We'll go get a hot shave, towel shave. You know, straight razor. Hot towels are so nice. Then we go get a massage, which Woods has never had. We get mampered. I've never really been mampered. I've mampered myself with products and stuff, but I've never had somebody mamper me. You had a pedicure. I did. I've had a couple of pedicures. Yeah, I'll do that. But that was more of necessity from just gnarly feet. We'll get our promotion director, Adam, on it, and we'll figure it out. We'll let you be a queen for a day. That's right. That's right. Hey, the JetBlue flight attendant. You guys know the JetBlue flight attendant. He was in court yesterday. More than likely. And pleaded guilty to criminal mischief. And addressed the media. And we have the audio next. Woods made me laugh so hard.
You made me laugh so hard. I think I'm probably a dead man. Yeah, you're a dead man. For my little comment. Let me tell you, your comment got the dreaded laugh. Oh, yeah. The L.O.B. laugh? Yeah, the T.D.L. We'll call it the T.D.L., the dreaded laugh. That's a joke. It's when L.O.B. goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's the best. Yes. Now, here's what happened. So, the girls on our Facebook page. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Was it Whooby? Yeah, it was Whooby. She's mad. She's mad because she wants for girls to be able to take part in the mamper, which is a man pamper. It's the Uta manicure. Yeah. It's got man in it. Uta man. Guys only. Guys only. And so she's like, hey, how come we're getting screwed here and the girls don't get to go? And Woods goes.
Yeah, but you guys get to have babies. I bet you she looked at her and she goes, and she calls me Steven. Like she calls you Michael. Yes. She'll go, Steven, I'm going to slit your throat. Yeah, I'm going to slit your throat. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. It is the Mikey Show. Don't forget, the word of the day is planetarium. And today, it is worth a lot. So when I say the word planetarium between now and 10 o'clock. You need to be caller number nine. You'll get a pair of tickets to go to UFC 121. You get the go. Oh, I can't say it, but that's one of my favorite Metallica songs of all time. Yeah, Sanitarium. That's Sanitarium. I thought it was. That was an L.O.B. moment. That's right. So when I work that word into a sentence, caller nine gets to go to UFC 121 in Anaheim. It's on Saturday. The tickets are worth $441.
That's rad. What a great prize. Yeah, be listening for it. Okay, so the JetBlue guy, and then we're going to be doing, will they or won't they, but the JetBlue guy. His name is Steven Slater. And Steven is the guy that flipped out on a passenger on the JetBlue flight, took a couple of beers, cursed the person out, took a couple of beers, popped the little inflatable raft that... Get you off the plane. The slidey guy. And he went down the slide. One of my heroes. Woodsy calls him one of his heroes. Yes. Sticking it to the man. That's right. He pleaded guilty yesterday to criminal mischief. I think he's a clown for doing it. State of customer service. Now you get yelled at.
Yeah, I guess you can just treat people any way you want to. No, you can't. I guess you can. Hey, I'm paying for this meal. I can boss you around, waiter. No, I don't believe you can. Don't you? No, I don't. I think you're a jerk if you do. He got hit in the head with somebody's bag because the person wasn't listening. Just a real sweet lady. Person should be punished that did that to him. Yeah, well, that doesn't happen. But it doesn't mean that you get to flip out and you get to take a ride down the inflatable raft. Should have kicked her in her shin. Oh, boy. Well, here he is pleading guilty yesterday. Good morning. First, I would like to thank everyone for their support and encouragement these last couple weeks. It is that kindness that has gotten me through to this day. While the public interest in this case was certainly surprising, unexpected and encouraging, at the end of the day, I am a grown adult and must accept responsibility for my actions. Therefore, I'm looking forward to continuing on, moving forward with my life. I'm in. There you go. I like it. Hey, atonement. Accountability. Accountability. And I am very grateful to the court for making these arrangements, which will allow me to do so. I would like to thank my friends who have supported me, my legal and PR team, Howard Bragman. PR team. Public relations. You got to spin that stuff, man. My legal?
Yes. You got to protect your rights. And my public relations team. He had no choice. He was being hounded by the public. You saw him. He was getting inundated. People were following him everywhere he went. So you got to get a PR guy. He needed to know how to relate to the public that was hounding him. At what point do you let your PR guy go? Now. Now? Now. So you go, hey, John. He may get it booked. Deal or something. Reality TV. Reality TV. So maybe you retain John's services. Absolutely. And you say, you know, hey, if I end up flipping out again and going down another raft or floaty. Yes. If I go down another floaty from an airplane, probably going to call you back. Might need you again. Might need you again. He's got to try to capitalize on the position that he's in. Seize the day. Yeah. And then do his deal. Yeah. And so long as he remains in the public and he might have to relate to them. Carpe diem. That's right. Seize the day. And Dan Horowitz. And of course, I would like to thank my partner, Ken, and my mother, Diane, for their unwavering support and love through this challenging time. Thank you all very much. Good for you. There it is. Proud of you, man. He is taking accountability and taking his medicine. Yep. No jail time. No jail time. No jail time.
I don't know what I think the punishment should be for going down a floaty on an airplane. Pay for the beers back, you know? Give him the six bucks for the beers. I think there should be some sort of... Community service? I think there should be a fine. And I think, well, at the very least, you've got to be fired. Yeah, and he was. Well, you would think if a passenger would do that, you're messing with, you know, the federal aviation. Right. It would be like a federal... A fence or something like that. You guys ready for Will They or Won't They? You know that. Not at all catchy. No. I'm going to be singing that the rest of the day. All right. So here's how we do this. Adele is in the studio with us right now. Hi, Adele. Hi, guys. How are you? We're doing good. Adele is definitely the right person for Will They or Won't They? Because what we always say is we don't go out looking for the big macho man. Okay? If we went and found a macho man here in the station and we said, hey, would you take a BB? They would probably instantly be like, yeah, I don't care. Of course. So what we do is we go find somebody that is unsuspecting, you know? And Adele is in our sales department. Very pretty girl. That makes my mouth water. All right, Jay. And we figured, all right, let's have Adele in. And you were agreeable to come in and at least...
play the game. You can't tell us yet what you're going to say, right? Right. But you were agreeable to come in and at least give us an answer, right Adele? Absolutely. Okay. What we do now is we are going to sequester you to Chris's studio so that you cannot hear what we think you will do because we don't want that to influence you in any way and then we'll have you come back in. I'm trying to get, I'm looking at her, I'm trying to get a read on her. I'm like... I'm winking at her. She's not winking back. Yep. I don't know what's going on. By the way, if we get it wrong, if me, Woods, or Jay gets it wrong, she gets to shoot us. Yes. With a BB gun. Correct. All right. Woods, what do you think she's going to say? Yes or no? Here's the deal. I know Adele pretty well. Yep. When we first started here, I used to spend a lot of time. I didn't really have anybody to go home to. Didn't really have a nice place. So I spent a lot of time in the office visiting with her. She's kind of a wildcat. She's married, mother, but kind of a wildcat in her former days. I'm going to say she absolutely lets us shoot her in the butt with a BB gun. She's got cojones, but she also seems like a strategist. She knows how the game works. Yeah. Damn it, L-O-B, you're right. Woods says yes. Jay, what do you say? I say yes because she's going to use it as a sales tool. She's going to go into her clients afterwards and go, hey, they shot me. The least you could do is buy some advertising on The Mikey Show. Not bad. Jay says...
Yes, she will do it. I say she will not do it. And here's why I say that. Wow, I'm interested. I say she will not because conventional wisdom says that she will because I agree with you, she's a wildcat. Now you're messing with me. She's a wildcat. But here's what I notice a lot of times. It's always the surprise. You know what I mean? Shy bunnies jump high. It's always the unsuspecting girl that's actually really wild, like L.O.B. You take a look at L.O.B., and, you know, she looks so shy and innocent. Filthiest soldier on the show. I mean, she's just 100%. No way. Oh, yeah. When was the last time I made a creepy J comment? Probably yesterday. Yesterday, yeah. Earlier this morning. And how many does he make a day? 150. But you still, you know. Because I'm a girl. You're a demure. Oh, yours are shocking. No, yours are shocking. You are shocking. Well, okay, we'll keep playing. You're like, yeah, you're like. You're a shock jock. You're like Lenny Bruce. You're a shock jock. I know, I know. You're like Howard Stern. Totally. You're like Howard Stern. Yep. Now. Oh my gosh. What? Now, my philosophy is because I know she's a bit of a wildcat, she will say no. Okay.
Let's bring her in. Two yeses, one no. I'm nervous. All right, so whoever gets it wrong, she gets to shoot, and she will be shooting someone. Don't say anything. Adele. Adele. Yes. Will you take a BB? Absolutely not. Are you guys kidding me? I knew it. I knew it. Do your mothers know that you guys are playing with guns? That is fantastic. Woods and Jay said yes. Now can I shoot them? You get to shoot them. She's going to shoot me in the back. In the head. Wait, which is your throwing arm? Jay said that you would, and so you get to shoot Jay too. I'm the only one that said you wouldn't, Adele. Wow. This is, okay. Have you ever shot a BB gun before? Okay, you've shot a real gun. She's aiming. Oh, that was such a good shot. Wow. Oh my. Here comes Jay. Look at, oh wow, Jay's got a very submissive, very submissive. Dead center.
Dead center. She got me in her thigh. She is awesome. That was rad. You're the best. Thank you. That was awesome, guys. What a great way to start the day. Thank you, Adele. You're the best. Bye, hon. Great job. Oh, my gosh. Nice call, Mike. You know, L.O.B. was on to something. I think she was, and I instantly wanted to change my answer. As soon as you heard that, right? Yeah, I was like, no, you're right. As soon as I found out it was Adele that was going to do it, I'm like, I think she would. I better say no. She's a smart cookie. Plus, she's a mother, so she can't be condoning playing with guns. She can't be just getting shot in the keister. She told me. She said, I knew Woods would think I would do it, so I wanted to shoot him. Of course. That's fantastic. Everybody hates a kid. No, they don't. Poor Tom Bosley died at 83 years old. Mr. C. Yep. Everybody remembers Mr. C, dude. Marion, Fonzie is not a bad kid, but I just don't want him living in my house. I'm sorry. We're just going to have to tell him it won't work. Oh, my goodness. He's moving in already. Mr. C thought he was a meth head. He did? Not a meth head. He thought he was doing something, though. Later.
Wow, Woods. Wow, wow. Woods is having a lot of L.O.B. moments. I am. Well, the first one was fake. I know it's called Sanitarium. That was the most L.O.B. moment. That was a big one. Wait a minute, Mike. Because I had read a lot of the Happy Days books and never in reading any of the literature had I seen that Mr. C. So he thought that Arthur Fonzarelli was addicted to methamphetamine. Not meth, but maybe like a drink and stuff. It feels terrible. I am so gullible. They had meth back then? Yes, they did have meth back then. See, Mike, I don't know about Happy Day's lore. I'm going to write on your forehead. That's what killed Richie's older brother. I gotta stop doing that, right? Maybe you just stared through him. Maybe I just stop. I'll stop it. No, it's fun. No, it's me. No, it's not. It's not. It's excellent. It makes you feel like... A jerk. Yeah, I'm an idiot. It makes you feel like, I just said that on the air, huh? Maybe I should think before I say things. Don't do that. Does that to me too. We get Mikey though all the time when he mispronounced a word.
Discombobulated? Whatever that was. I thought discombobulated was a word. Discombobulated. Whatever. This is what family members do to each other. That's right. That was the best. What was that Dave Matthews drop that we had? Oh, no. I don't hear it. It's done. Off the air. during the commercial break, the last commercial break, we said to Woods, seriously, we love that. And he wouldn't even look up at us. He kept working on his computer. He didn't respond to us. And L.O.B. goes, what's the deal? And he kept looking at his computer and typing. He goes, I just don't like it. And I go, why? Because I hate it. And he goes, I just hate it. But like... I hate it. Like good brothers and sisters, we just keep pushing the envelope. Told you don't poke the tiger. You gotta poke. Woodsy is a little on edge today because of the Yankees. No, I'm fine. F them. Woods says he's not going to watch the Yankee game. I don't think I can tonight. He'll check in. I don't think I can do it. I almost want to go take...
the missus to a movie or just watch a movie at home. I just don't think I've got it in me to watch them. I don't think I can watch the Rangers win the World Series or win the ALCS at my house. Really? Yeah, I just don't think I've got it in me. Well, Woods, you've got to support your team, dude. I know, but I really don't want to. It takes so much out of me. Oh, boy. What? What do you want? I'm not in the mood. I just wanted to see. We were going to talk about the game last night. We already did. Let me go shower up. Do you have anything to say, Captain Buzzkill? Are you just calling in? I was just calling in because I wanted to congratulate the Texas... You're a big Ranger fan, huh? You don't even know the rules of baseball. It doesn't matter. I'm happy today. Woods is your nemesis? Oh, yeah. Yes, Woods is my nemesis. As a matter of fact, I delighted in last night.
You didn't watch a second of it. You just like to pretend. You pretend you don't listen. You pretend you like baseball. You were playing Halo. Okay? And you logged on to ESPN this morning for the first time ever. Of course you were. I don't play Halo. Don't you? Yeah, it is. I care so much, I just can't watch. Wow, diabolical. Maybe you get... Well, that's how I was calling about today. Of course. We'll hear from you later, I'm sure. See you later. Vicious. That's the kind of bits I get. He's creepy. That's the kind of bits I get for just being a fan of the team. Do you still have your Facebook comments turned off? Oh, yeah. 100%. Yeah. He's really serious. He's serious. I don't like to get work. You see how worked up I get? Uh-huh. I can't not do it. I get really worked up. Did you see the buzzkill?
commented on our fan page. What did he say? He said something like, you know, serves your right woods or something like that. And I'm delighting in the Yankees losing. He's our number one fan for the record. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show if you want to follow us on Facebook. And then we're also on Twitter. It's Mikey Show. And then our name. So Mikey Show Mikey, Mikey Show Woods, Mikey Show Lauren, Mikey Show Sienna, Mikey Show Jay. Boy Scout leader's been kicked out of his... leadership role in the Boy Scouts because of his sexual orientation. What do you think about it? 5701949. We'll tell you the story next.
If back rubs are kind of a specialty of yours, then maybe you be the guy that does our massages. Come in here and disrobe. Disrobe. Is that the first time he said that? Jay got a call from Adam, our promotion director, already. He's on the case. What'd he say? He said it's a done deal. That is fantastic. He'll get it done. He said he'll get it done. Tomorrow we can talk about it. What we're talking about is... You demand a cure. Can't wait. We're going to mamper ourselves. No man ponds, though. No, Woods has never had a massage. A massage. From a mancio. Yeah. Oh, by the way, that will be my stipulation. What? And Woods, I would suggest it for you, too. Does it have to be a man? No, dude, it has to be a woman. Don't get a dude. I wonder if my wife will be mad, probably. No. No. I bet she will. It's a job. Yeah, but there is also... You're not going to kiss her. You're not going to kiss the masseuse. That's true. We're not going to one of those places I heard about. Hey everybody, we're all going to get laid. That Mark Bauman might have gone to once. Double happiness. Wait, that's just a Chinese restaurant. What's your problem? What's my problem? What's your problem? I didn't out you.
What's your bit? My bit is, what's your problem? What's my problem? What's your problem? Word of the day is planetarium when you hear me say planetarium between now and 10 o'clock. What are you doing? I have to print the new sheet. He prints his new sheet from Facebook.com. No, it's not. Just print it. I hate everybody. He is so angry today. Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you? I had to print this. There we go. No, I'm good. Because I'm pretty sure soon you'll start firing stories at me. I've got to know them, so I've got to make sure I've got my stuff together. Man, this guy is whacked out today. I'm so mad. I'm Mikey. Hi, Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Are you? Woods. Yes, I am. Woods is our sports guy. Is he? And our news guy for the time being.
Talked to Sienna yesterday. Told her all the new bits that we have with the news. Yeah. She's very excited to come back to work. I can't wait. That makes two of us. Yeah. You know why I can't wait for her to come back? Because two people are actually coming back. Sienna and Woods. Yeah. Yeah. You'll have both people back. Sienna will be back and Woods will be back. Be nice to have me back. Everything will be as it should be. It will be nice to have me back. I'll admit it. He's been a mental patient. Is Taylor Swift dating John Mayer? There was reports that back when they did that little ditty together, the song. They did a song together? I didn't even know. Half of my heart song. Half of my heart. Which I will, admittedly so, I like that John Mayer song. I've never heard it. Let's hear it. That's good. And they did it, so the reports are that when they did that song, they were dating. Magic. Now you know how it feels, pal. I do?
Sometimes I wish I was Taylor Swift. She's so cute. She is cute. She's cute. She's smart. She's a good businesswoman. I read an article about this yesterday. Don't ask me why I did. But yeah, this song she wrote, it's called Dear John. And it's like, I loved you. Was it for that stupid movie, Dear John? No, it was for that stupid guy, John Mayer. Oh, literally, Dear John. Literally, Dear John. And she was like, hey, I loved you. You were older than me. You broke my heart. Then they did date at one time? She's notorious for kind of outing guys in her songs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's a clip of them asking her about that John Mayer. If guys don't want me to write bad songs about them, then they shouldn't do bad things. There you go. That's rad. I'm down with that. In other words, what she's saying is, you know who doesn't have songs written about them? Exactly. That, you know, to me... It looked like a leprechaun to me. To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. Why am I so in on Taylor Swift all of a sudden? Out of nowhere. It's kind of weird. I will say this. I think it's really creepy that John Mayer dated Taylor Swift because in my mind, there is no other reason that he dated Taylor Swift. Than to sleep with her?
Durr. Yeah. Well, that... Excuse me while I whip this out. Really, Jay? Well, he uses people's, like, stardom, too, to sort of, like, climb. Propel himself? Yeah, exactly. Listen, though, you know, Jennifer Aniston makes sense. The girl from The Ghost Whisperer makes sense. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Do you think it's creepy because she's younger? So young, and he just was like, oh, yeah, I want... I want to try out some Taylor Swift. She's like a kid. They were writing and recording together. Very intimate, Mike. Yeah, you can develop relationships. Although she was not in the music video, which I found to be strange. That is strange. They were already on The Ounce? I don't know. I didn't know anything about this until today. I want to know how it came up, because if he said, I want to record with Taylor Swift. Right. Then I don't like it. Yeah, because you know that's why he brought her in. Well, he probably, because she's like the biggest musical star right now. Yeah, but he was probably like, I want a taste of that. Well, he could have gotten that without doing a song with her. He just wanted to facilitate it. Oh, it's so much easier. He wanted both. I don't know that he did that. He's an opportunist. What if a guy wanted to date you? She's 29. No, no, hold on. Let's say he was 50 and he owned a comedy club. I mean, it'd be much easier for him to go.
Different dude. She's 20. She's an adult woman. She's an adult woman. That's an adult. She's an adult. How old is she? I have no idea. I should know. I'm apparently the president of her fan club. Guilty. Guilty. I'm just kidding. 100%. I'm just kidding. It's very intimate. You're kidding. What's the matter with you people? I was joking. I just said it as a joke. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? I'm not condemning him. I don't know what his motives were. She was born in 89. Which makes her like 21. Is that right? That can't be. She will be 21 on December 13th. Okay. She's an adult woman. So this was a couple years. She was 18. Am I doing the wrong math? No, no, no. She'll be 21. How old is she? 30? Probably. He's like 12 years, 10 years. That's not bad. Sienna and Todd. You're screaming. Just saying. Sienna was 20 when she met Todd. All right. Now you're yelling. Todd was 50. Nobody forced her to sleep with him.
9J, you don't have to shout at me. He didn't hold a gun under her head. He just wrote a song with her. Elizabeth's a lovely girl. She is lovely. Darn he's got a cool voice. Can I tell you what I did when I read this article? I thought it was cool. And they showed some of the lyrics. I looked for it. I wanted to hear it. It's about him. The Dear John thing? It's called Dear John. It's off her new record. Why do I know this? Because you're interested. crime and being interested in Taylor Swift's life as much as you are? Isn't there? Should be. I've been in a weird place. I'm just sitting at home. I've been in a weird, weird place. Let's see what Taylor Swift's up to. Isn't her whole thing innocence and staying true? I don't know if that's her whole thing. I don't think that's her bit.
I don't know. Sienna would be able to tell us. Yes, because Sienna was just waiting for Taylor Swift to fall. That was her big thing. That was her thing. Well, just because they dated doesn't mean that they consummated. You don't write a song about something you didn't sleep with. That's not true. What? Come on. Young love. You don't know. Maybe he dumped her because she wouldn't. It's John Mayer. That guy's piece should be bronzed, okay? Like, that guy's gotten with every girl. You're giving him way too much credit. Yeah, you are. I am? Hey. I don't think. Have you guys seen the lineup of girls that he slayed? Excuse me for a moment, if I may. I think you're right. However, it's very possible that he got into it thinking I'm going to have. Why in the song does she say we made love in the back of your car? She doesn't, you jerk. Maybe he thought. He was going to get some. And he ended up not. And saying. He broke her heart. Because you didn't give it up, I'm out. Maybe that was the bet. Or he didn't even have to say anything. He just did the shade away. The Twitter. There is no, at least on iTunes, I can't find anything by Taylor Swift called... It's not out yet. That's why I couldn't find it. Oh, I wish you'd told me that 20 minutes ago when I was frantically searching for it. Over here. Well, there's that. Yes. I was fascinated. I wanted to hear it. And I can't wait for the whole record to come out. Yeah. Because I'm all over it.
This was Kanye West. Another Taylor Swift fan. That's right. He was talking about the incident and still made this claim. Was it that you had been drinking? Is that why you think you... I mean, there's probably lots of reasons, but do you think you just decided, I'm just going to get up and say something right now? I feel like in some ways I'm a soldier of culture. And I realized that... No one wants that to be my job, and I'll never go on stage again. I'll never sit. I'm a soldier of culture? Just when you think Kanye has a heart and a brain in his head, and he's kind of turned a leaf, he says that stupid stuff. Hey, man, you're just a rapper, dude. I'm a soldier. You're just a rapper. You really are. You're just a rapper. Yes, you're great at rapping, and you're great at what you do, but you are not a soldier. You're just a rapper, man. In an award show again, but will I feel convicted about things that really meant stuff to culture that constantly get denied for years and years and years and years? I'm sorry. I will. I cannot lie about it in order to sell records. I cannot, you know. I hope you don't mean that. I hope you'll be in an audience again. I hope you'll perform at all the shows and you're too important. And all of it is important in culture. You know, it's just an entertainment show.
So don't ever say you're not going to sit in that audience. We want to see you there. We want to see you entertained. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Yeah, got to have you, Kanye. Got to have you. So is he saying what is happening in culture is we're not celebrating because Beyonce was, I thought it was like a race card he was playing. To me, he is the poster boy for bad culture. Yeah. If you're a soldier of culture, you're a soldier of bad culture. You're a soldier of what the culture looks like when it's ugly. And when you're rude and when you're nasty and you're mean. Finger pointing. He's a bully. Bully. Yeah, he's a bully. I'm punk. I thought she took it pretty well. She did. With class. I thought she took it with class. The video is up on YouTube of John Mayer and Taylor Swift. It's called Half My Heart. Yeah, but Taylor Swift's not in it. No, but you can hear the song. There you go. 570-1949. Yeah, the song that we're talking about, though, is called Dear John. Yeah. I love how she didn't try to hide the name even. Dear John Mayer. It's very clever. It's great. Yeah, because it's like the Dear John letter. Dear John letter, yeah. But it's for John, so you see why I was so intrigued now? Yes. M1 Jake from San Diego, are you there? How are you? I'm doing well. How are you guys? Good. What were you calling about? Well, I'm calling about the Boy Scout thing. I guess it was the Scout leader thrown out for being gay.
Yeah, Woodsy, what's the deal? Yeah, there's a father of a nine-year-old Cub Scout, and I believe this is in Texas, weird, got booted from the Boy Scout troop. He had a leadership position within the organization, and they said, hey, man, because you're gay, you can't be in this anymore. The dads had been complaining, and they just said, no, you're out, pal. What do you think about that, Jake? I'm for gay marriage myself. I think people have a right to be happy. But the Boy Scouts, because I'm an Eagle Scout myself, well, I got it when I was 14, you know, they're a private organization, and the Scout motto is that Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, cheerful, frifty, brave, clean, and reverent. The last part, clean and reverent, I mean, that's what got, you know, homosexuals, you know, out of the Scouts is because when they took that to civil court,
Like, years ago back here, they were able to do that because of the scout motto, Reverend Queen. Well, yeah, please, I'm going to get killed for taking part of that conversation. I mean, it's, you know, it says we do have a policy that avowed gays and atheists are not allowed to be a registered leader or member of Boy Scouts of America. It's a longstanding policy. That's what they say. I mean, I don't necessarily agree with it, but, you know, whatever. Who am I? Really, my scout master was drunk half the time we were on camp out. But, yeah, I could see clean and reverent. Okay. Is that for real? That's for real. Yeah, they had the adult circle where the adults at night would sit around. You couldn't come into their area. Pass around jerks real good. I don't know if they were passing around jerks, but they were pounding beers. Wow. I was like, really? Clean and reverent it is, my friend. Yeah, we should just move on. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how they define clean and reverent.
You know, here's the thing. I always am a rule book guy, so I say, well, what does a rule book say? If it's in rules, whatever, change the rules. Right. You know, if I was a parent, though, you know, if I didn't like it, it's kind of like the thing of if you don't like what's on the radio, change the station. Yeah. You know, if you don't like it, then, you know, you can take your kid out of there. And you guys are doing an all-man, like, spa day. Yeah. And that's the thing. I can't be like, well, wait. I'm getting discriminated against because I'm a woman. It's like if it says it in the beginning, I don't know. I'm just saying if there are rules that say that, then it should be to change the rule. Are you taking a shot at us because we're getting mampered? No, I was making a comparison. I'm just saying, though, that they should fight to change the rule because technically right now they're not doing anything wrong. I get it. But I don't understand what clean and reverent has to do with being homosexual. Yeah, I kind of don't either. I mean, at least in the spirit of how that was written, you know, what your opinion of morality is or whatever, that may be different. Yeah, because it's not clean and reverent to sit around drinking beer while you're, you know.
taking care of a bunch of kids either. I watched a special on the Bloods and the Crips. Weird. Weird, dog. And they said, now, they tried to say that the reason that the gangs and the stuff like that have gotten out of control is because the boys that were growing up in that time were not allowed to be in the Boy Scouts because it's a private organization and they decided who could and could not be. Oh, wow. Really? Mm-hmm. 570-1949 is our number. And M1 Ashley from Mira Mesa. Are you there? Yeah. Go ahead. Clean irreverent does not equal homosexuality or, like, anti-homosexuality. Yeah. That doesn't make sense to me. And I have family members that are involved with the scouting program and have been for over 10 years. And they're very, you know, pro-gay marriage. And they're understanding of that. And I think you need to be open to things like that, especially because the program is involved for being, like... Around people, for people, helping people out, like accepting. I mean, come on. That goes with the times. If I didn't like it, then I would take my kid out. Take your kid out. You have the right to do that. Yeah, I feel bad for that dad. Me too. I don't like that. That's unfortunate. I didn't like it either. 570-1949 is our number. If it was a rule, it would be one thing, but I don't understand the clean and reverent at all. All right, we got an email.
570-1949 if you would like to give us a call and weigh in on this. Mikey, I'd like your advice, and please feel free to read this on the air, but do not mention my name for any reason. My marriage hit a really rough patch, and I began a full-blown affair with an ex-girlfriend who's married, who is also married. I know your position on this, and I know it was not right. I want out of the relationship immediately. The guilt's eating me up inside. My question is, though, do I need to tell my wife about it? What is my obligation here? She has no idea and has never suspected anything. I know this is really heavy, but I'd appreciate a response back. M1, no name. Man. Well, I think that, first of all, you have to, you know, you got to quit the affair. Which he wants to. Yeah, he quit the affair immediately. Wow. Do you tell her? Is it lying by omission? If you don't, is it...
you know, necessary for you to tell her. Boy, I don't know. I can see really good arguments for both. Yeah. I see, like, from a woman's perspective, if she were to find out by her own vices or however way it may surface later, she would, if I were me, be furious that he didn't come clean and he wasn't honest. Wouldn't he be furious anyway? You'd be furious anyway, but the affair is one thing, but then the deceit of keeping up this lie and not revealing it is kind of insult to injury. I believe you should tell her. Yeah, I think you should too. Now, I want to hear arguments against 5701949. If that's wrong, I want to know why. She kind of has a right to know, and then it should be up to her, because he broke a vowel. I wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want to end it.
It would end it. Yeah, I wouldn't want to know either. If the shoe was on the other foot and it was my missus doing that, I wouldn't want to know. But how would you feel if people around you all knew and you didn't know? As long as I was ignorant. As long as I didn't know. That would be really shameful. Ignorance is bliss. But the truth will always surface. And what would you do if you found out? You know. Take the belt to him. Besides that. I mean, could be living in a studio apartment in PB. You know that. This is great, man. Our listeners are smart. M1 Daniel from Oceanside. Oh, Danielle, go ahead. I was just saying that she does have a right to know because she needs to get tested if she's sleeping with other people. That's a good point, man. What if he wore condoms the whole time? It doesn't matter. What if he did? She has a right to know. But how does she know that? She doesn't know that. No, but he knows that. He knows it. So that's why he's like, there's no chance of her getting an STD. You can say rubber. Oh, he wore rubber the whole time. That doesn't.
I don't know what I can say on the air, but... Let's not have you say it then, because I don't want to get in trouble. It doesn't protect against everything. It's not a guarantee. Thank you. Okay, thanks. M1 Gumby from Cardiff. What do you think? I think that if he's honest and true about wanting to fix his marriage and stay in the marriage, that he should absolutely not tell her. Wow. From a woman's perspective. I'm surprised by that. That's a woman saying, don't tell her. You think, fellas, 570-1949. Our phone lines are blowing up. Chris is going nuts in there. I know. So if you want to weigh in on this, 570-1949. Don't get me. You get. Hot in here. Today's word of the day is planetarium. And when you hear me weave that into a sentence, be caller number nine and you will win a pair of tickets to go see UFC 121 in Anaheim on Saturday. That's worth $441. What album is this on by Saliva? I don't remember, but I love this song. Nikki Sixx wrote it. I like Saliva. I like their music. Isn't it? I think it is. Of course you do.
Of course you like it. Of course you like saliva. Why wouldn't you? Yes. What about Godsmack? Kid Rock? You should like a band called Dong. They're out of Sweden and nobody's heard of them yet, but I have. And they're freaking brilliant. Of course. Why don't you play some more Cat Crack? Oh yeah, go ahead, yes. There we go. Mikey, today's my buddy Justin's birthday. Can you wish him a happy birthday for me and play him the Cat Crack song? M1 Pool Junkie. No. Don't do it. Don't do it, man. I turn my headphones up every time you can. Come on. Sure. Cut that cat's head off. Let's see. M1 Milo from Chula Vista. Are you there? Milo? Is it Milo? Did I get that name right? Is it Milo?
All right. Go ahead. That's his radio name. Yeah. I just want to let you know, first off, I love you guys listening to you every morning. Thank you, dude. So, yeah, what I want to say about this guy cheating on his wife is, you know, if he really loves her, he's going to give her the choice whether or not she wants to leave him for what he did. Yep. I agree. I think not letting her know, you know, is Mikey always talking about communication, and that's not communicating. Yeah, the only thing that would keep me from saying, you know, The rationale is that you make a hurt worse. Like you've already done something and you're making it worse, but ultimately I think it's right to tell her. The guy wrote us, he said, hey, I cheated on my wife and I'll stop, but should I tell her? You know, that's the question. And I appreciate your answer. Thank you, Milo. Hey, sure thing. Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks. M1 Dane from Oceanside. What do you think? Good morning, guys. How you guys doing? Good morning, man. Good. This guy, what he's doing, what he's doing wrong. Because objectively, we as people know, regardless if we do what we want to pursue is good or what is bad, this guy, to look at his behavior, he needs to look at himself in the mirror and you need to ask yourself something. It's the golden rule we all know since we've been raised, since we were in elementary school. It's, do I want to treat others the way I would like to be treated? Would guy, if he asked himself, would this guy...
like it any better than what his wife is going to have to find out when he tells her, oh, hey, honey, I've been cheating on you and I've had this affair with you. He would not like that if his wife did not want to present that kind of information to him. So you're saying that he shouldn't tell her? Yeah, he should tell her. Yeah, he's saying he should. He wouldn't want her to keep it from him. Got it, got it, got it. I'm saying this guy needs to tell her, not telling her. I agree. I agree, but I think... him up on the inside, and besides that, the situation's going to blow up even more, and it's going to get more catastrophic if he doesn't tell the woman. She deserves to know. Otherwise, if she has to hear through the life tree of, like, let's say, perhaps a woman, I don't know the relation, but what if this woman he's cheating on somehow knows his wife through work or through phone? Got it. Nope. I got it. Yeah, I mean, you know, again, it's Jay. Jay made the point, and I agree with Jay's point, of I wouldn't want to know. That's just me. I just wouldn't want to know. M1 Deuce from San Diego. Yep. Let it eat him up. Thank you, Deuce. M1 Jennifer from Oceanside. Good morning. Good morning.
I absolutely think he should not tell her. And I think it depends on a lot of things. But, you know, if it were my husband, we've been married several years, 12 years. And if he did that, I would not want to know. I would worry about the kids. There's a whole bunch of things you have to worry about. If he has kids or not, that even makes it even more. I just wouldn't want to know. I just think it's crazy. I'm not married. I've never been married. But if you respect your vows and you believe in the vows and the sanctity of marriage the same way you respect the laws of, you know, the country that you're in or something like that, it's against... You broke the rules. You broke the laws. So if you just murder somebody, but there's no way that anyone can ever find out about it. So that's okay? No, it's not. It's kind of the same rationale. It's like, well, if nobody finds out, then it doesn't hurt anybody. But I think we break laws all the time. I know I don't turn myself in for everything I do wrong. You do? We break laws all the time? Yeah.
Speed. You don't speed? Oh, you don't. Fine. No, no, no. We break laws all the time. No, no, no, no. I have been going over the speed. Mikey Esparza. Good for you. I noticed that the other day. And I'll see it and I'll slow down. And then I'll see it and I'll slow down. Okay. And I know murder is not the same thing as cheating, but isn't that one of the, like, cornerstones? Yeah, but he broke. Fidelity? Okay, your first point was that he... And I agree with you guys that he should tell her. But I'm saying, like, you said he doesn't respect the vows of marriage and all that. Well, right. He didn't. And that's why he had the affair. So he's already kind of broken that vow to himself. I mean, he broke that vow that he had between the years. But they're one now. They are one. Right. No, I know. That's the unity. He broke it. And it's already damaged. And if he tells her a couple things, he runs the risk of losing her. Which is completely selfish. Right. That's just all that is is selfishness. That's completely selfish. If you use that rationale, the only thing motivating that rationale is your selfishness. And not wanting to get caught. Okay, well, if you accidentally killed somebody. Right. Accidentally. Totally accidental. You regret it. Like you hit them with your car? Yeah, that person doesn't have any family, any friends. Nobody doesn't care about them or anything. And the only thing that's going to happen if you come forward is you're going to go to jail. Then, like...
Why would you want to do that? I would, but I don't know that I'm going to go to jail. You know what I mean? I don't know that I'm going to go to jail. I think the chances are, in fact, if you use that rationale, which I like, by the way, if you use that rationale, it's probably going to be less punishment. Yeah, it's just going to come out eventually. I mean, maybe it won't. If you're dating L.O.B. It will. It's going to come out. And the chances are, if he tries to break that relationship off, he runs the risk of that woman getting mad, telling her husband. I mean, the best thing for that guy to do is to walk and say, listen, I got to tell you something. It's not going to feel good. And this is what happened. And this. is why I told you and I want to be married to you. And you take your medicine. I've had to take plenty of medicine in my day. Plenty. I would be way more forgiving of my wife if she said that. I would not. But that's just me. I don't want to know. She'd be out the front door. Well, I've got to be forgiving no matter what.
See, you think about it, man. You can forgive. That doesn't mean you have to stay together, bro. You know what I mean? No, absolutely. I'd forgive her eventually, but she'd be gone. That's the deal. Like, you know, the other hard part about it is you've heard me say, in my belief system, if you're married and somebody cheats on you, you can get a divorce. You don't. But that doesn't mean that you have to. No. It doesn't mean that you have to get a divorce. It means that you are, you know. you're okay to get a divorce. But it doesn't mean that you have to. And man, I mean, I'm sure a lot of people go, you have kids. I don't want to make, you know, she made a bad choice or he made a bad choice, but I don't want to damage the kids worse because of his. You should have thought about that before you cheated. No, no, no. I know he should have. Okay, L.O.B. Let's say I cheat on you. We got kids together. And I tell you about it and I tell you I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
Now, you are fully within your right to split, but if you do, then you've effectively allowed me to hurt you and our kids. But the cards now go on my table, and I get to decide, okay, is it worth standing by this man because he's the father of my kids? Is it worth... that can I be a strong enough person to do that I mean it's just it's out of that person once that person's cheated and broken the rules and essentially it's a legal contract a marriage license so you broke the law I mean you are outside of your limits there you gave up your rights I think it's but what about your kids because I mean you are that that's that's a consequence of so you're just immediately saying what you're saying then is you're like hey When you violated our marriage agreement, you instantly injured our kids. No, I'm saying as the what? Now, I don't have any kids, so I might be singing a different tune in like years from now, if God willing that happens. But I think it is up to that woman to then decide, okay, I'm going to do this. I would... It's hard, right? I'd probably, I mean, I think I would... Even me, I'm like... I would try to go to counseling with the person and I would try it out.
And I would say, okay, I think that I can get past this because of kids. If I didn't have any kids, I'd be like, hit the road, Buzzard. You're out of here. But if I had kids, I would be like, for the sake of them. It fires me up because I know that I'm kind of really old school when it comes to marriage. And I feel like there's such a high divorce rate. And people just don't put as much stock in their vows anymore. They think it's just something that you said on your wedding day. But you don't have to get married. Don't get married if you think that you need to be a dirtball and cheat. M1 Chris from San Diego. Hey, how you doing, Mikey? Good. Hey, man. I had a lot of kids with my ex-wife. And, you know, two years ago, decided, you know, I lost my money, decided she didn't want to be with me no more. So she took the route that you guys are talking about. And I'm, you know, even two years later, dealing with the pain, of course, you know, trying to be around my kids and stuff like that. I wouldn't have it any other way than her telling me. Because then the relationship's completely fake. So she did tell you? I pulled it out of her. Oh, boy. But, you know, I pulled it out. I mean, it's pretty obvious by the time, you know, it wasn't just one affair. It was several. Oh, wow. And you stayed with her? No. I mean, to be honest with you, I actually tried on making it work just because I've always been a family man. And it was just a mental snap that she had. And, you know, it kind of triggered her out.
ended up losing everything just because of the economy situation. You know, you can't stay with somebody after that. But at the same time, saying that, you know, if I didn't know and it came to surface, you know, a couple years later, I think it would be a lot more painful if I found out now. No, it would be more painful if you found out later. Yeah. No doubt. I got one for you. We talked about this yesterday, even on the promo that we were saying that we were going to talk about this today. What is the craziest scene that you've ever witnessed in a restaurant? The craziest scene that you've ever witnessed in a restaurant. I was out to dinner with Crush It. Guy that I know. Crush It. That's his last name. Oh, that's his nickname. This is his nickname. Big dude. He is about six foot five. Very gregarious. Yes. Out to dinner with Crush It and Merriman.
and we were at Donovan's. And so I'm sitting on one side, and it was a booth. I'm sitting on one side. Merriman and Crush It are sitting on the other side. Between the two of them, they were 13 feet tall. I'm 5'6". Wow. Did you get a baby seat? Yeah, so I got a booster. Yep, had to. And right behind me, there's another booth. And I hear this smash. Oh, gosh. And Merriman looks like, what the heck was that? This guy that was sitting in the booth behind us was cheating on his wife. And she and he went to Donovan's together. Oh, gosh. And she found out about it and knew this was all a plan. So they go out to dinner. Plan by her or plan by him? Plan by her. By her. Oh, wow. She has, like, my back is to her back. Right. Okay? And the husband is facing the same direction I am. And she takes her glass and hurls it at him. Oh, my. No way. And it smashes against the wall. To get on you? No. You know, because, you see, I'm back-to-back with her. So she's throwing me. The other way. Okay, got it, got it, got it. She's throwing the other way, and it smashes against the wall, and she starts.
crying and screaming like she waited though for this moment and was like at this very particular time in the dinner was like and I found curse words yeah and you know so they like usher her out and they called the police and yeah that's rad I remember Merriman going I feel like someone should have been like, Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. Yeah. That's hysterical. You guys ever seen a scene develop at a restaurant? I think I may have even talked about it in the air. I saw cops come to a restaurant. Same thing. I had my back to the action, so I missed what the whole catalyst was. But from what I gathered, it was like an obnoxious family that was... I noticed them earlier because I had people watching. They were just obnoxious and rude to each other and rude people around them. And they were in the booth right behind me. And I think what happened was the dad was like, you sit down right now. And the little girl was like three or four was being unruly. And as he pushed her down into her seat, she then hit her head against the wall. So I don't think, I mean, I don't know, but I don't think it was intentional. But someone...
Some other customer was pretty gung-ho. Like, you don't hit your child. I saw you hit the wall. And then they got in each other's face. Oh, boy. Chest to chest. And then they took it outside. And then the classy family also got, like, the seven-year-old kid involved. Oh, boy. Sent him outside and had the kid say words. Holy cow. And then next thing you know, the officers are there. They're in the restaurant. And I was, of course, staring at the whole thing once the cops were there. Hey, I also had another one. I was, uh... Right here by this intersection of Friars and Frisee. In fact, from our building, you can see the exact restaurant that I was at. Oh, gosh. It was a sushi place, but it's not open anymore. And I was in there with a girl that I was dating. And we were out to lunch having sushi. And she threw up, passed out, hit her head on the counter at the sushi bar and fell off the chair. Oh, my gosh. I was terrified. What happened? She wasn't feeling good, but we went. She wanted to go on a date with you so bad. Yes, because I am... A Lothario. You are a Lothario. Train killer. Because I am such a train killer as a machismo and macho man. Yes. Because I am so hot. I worked at a restaurant. I wasn't done. Oh. That was weird.
But like when you just, oh, never mind. Well, I was trying to. I thought you were done. No. The paramedics showed up. They had to give her mouth to mouth. What? After puking? Well, she puked. Passed out. Yeah, she passed out. Wow. So what? I just wanted to get that out. It was pretty cool. Jay, you got one? Oh, you've heard my big restaurant. That's a bad one. Jay's bad. What? Where the girl was shot. Oh. That's just awful. That was an awful story. But a fun one was actually when we were going to a bike race and pulled over to Denny's to eat breakfast. Liberty was probably nine months old. And Kim was holding her like this, facing the table. And Liberty decided it was a good time just to fall forward. Bam! Hits her head. Bull on. And there's a moment of silent scream. And we just ordered our food.
Liberty just blows up. We ought to leave. Just pay the tab and bail? Well, we walked outside because we were worried about Liberty, but everybody else could. You could not eat in that restaurant. You walked the tab. No, we stood out there. They finally came out and gave me the tab outside. Ear piercer? Oh, it was. And there was a dent in Liberty's head. And there still is today. No, he's fine. Holy cow. M1 Jeff from Eastlake. Hey, how's it going, guys? Good. So I was part of a scene. I was a manager at Hooters restaurant up in Bellevue, Washington. Yeah. And one of the customers, I guess he had some money. He propositioned one of the girls to go home and have sex with them. Wow. He propositioned the Hooters girl to go have sex with him? Yeah. So that's wrong? More money. Holy cow. Oh, boy. More money. That's the key. Wait a minute. How did he do this? Did he go... Oh, I don't know. I wasn't there. She came up to me and told me that it happened. Wow. I had to go over. I asked him to leave. You're the manager. You had to take care of business. Yeah. So he went ballistic. He started berating me up and down, telling me he could buy me two or three times over. Oh, wow. And you said, he's a topper. You go, how much are we talking? Yeah, right. So I'm good to go. And then, so I called the police. And the police came, and they asked me to ask him to leave in front of them. So, you know, like you get an official.
And he started berating them. Oh, gosh. And so they eventually escorted him out of the restaurant. Like, not even two minutes later, we hear there are all kinds of sirens. We look outside the window, and he is down there surrounded by four or five different police cars in the middle of the street. Yeah, a guy had some issues. Wow. Yeah, a guy's so big time, he's eating at Hooters. Asking the Hooters girls to come home and have sex with him. I have so much money that I eat at Hooters. I'm here at Hooters asking girls to have sex with him. He was there for the view. Wow. An official release date for Iron Man 3, and you're going to know it when we come back. This band, Cutlass, is going to be in the studio with us Friday, November the 12th. It's going to be awesome. And they are actually playing that night, and I'm going to be there. It's going to be really, really cool. And this band is awesome. Now, here's the thing. This concert is to raise money. For Outside the Bowl. That's the organization that I'm going with to Haiti. And so I'm asking for your help. I'm asking you to get tickets to go to this show. General admission tickets are $25. And the money is going to Outside the Bowl. They serve one million meals to kids every single year. And these are kids that are starving. World Hunger.
It kills more people every year than AIDS, malaria, and tuberculosis combined. And, I mean, just to think of someone dying because of hunger is, it just breaks my heart, man. And this is a great band. I love Cutlass. And to be able to see them and also be able to make an impact by going, supporting it, and paying that general admission to be able to go. That's just a really awesome thing, and I just hope that people will do that. Go to OutsideTheBowl.org, and you can get tickets for it. I'm not going to be there, but I'll buy a pair of tickets for a listener, and they can win them. That's rad. I will not be there. I will be in Charleston, South Carolina, but I will buy a pair of tickets. You guys can give them away that Friday. Dude, that rules, Woods. On the kid. That is so rad, dude. Big time. Yes. You're a good man, bro. You're a good guy. That's awesome. Thank you, bro. You're welcome. Well, that's going to be a fun, fun night. And I told them I'm not the best MC. I'm not a good MC. Really? I'm not, man. What's your job? What does it entail? Getting up. Cutlass. Yeah, getting up on stage. I think you would be great at that. I was terrible and mortified when we did it at Indie Jam. I said.
Here comes a band from Athens, Georgia that's going to rock your face off. So maybe you want to take back what you just said. We were all so nervous. I was vomiting. The job description is just to be fun. It isn't. It's hard to get on stage in front of a bunch of people. When you're not performing, when you're speaking, you're great. When you're doing your comedy, you're great. We used to play gigs and stuff. Piece of cake. Didn't bother me. But to get up and like. have to whip them into a frenzy and stuff. Like, come on, put your hands together. That ain't evil. I can't wait. It isn't just that, though. It's like moving the process along. Oh, yeah. So it's being interactive and that kind of thing. I already told him. I said, listen, I'm not good at this, but I'll do it. Really? I'm not, you know. That's hard. Because I'm kind of shy. So I'm a mic in your hand. In here, I'm great. You know, if I don't have a whole... And I'm also okay if I'm doing my spiel, you know, if I'm giving my spiel. Chris came and saw me do my spiel. Yep, I saw it a couple weeks ago. It was dynamite. I'm fine when I'm doing that, but when I got to get up and I have the pressure of like being a host, oh man, it's the worst. Just mine never matter. Yeah. You can do it. And then the next night I'm going to sing at the...
FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash, which you could buy tickets for at FM 94.9. That I would pay good, good money to see. I want to see that. Somebody needs to get that on film for me. Film it, please. I'm sure that they will. Let's see. Oh, Jared, by the way. Jared is working on something with me that I'm going to be involving some local celebrities with. You want a graphic designer? Jared is your guy. It doesn't matter what you want. He can make it. come to life for you. Yeah. And quickly. Yeah. And good. And really good. Real good. Yeah. If you own a pet store, he can make you a badass business card for a pet store. If you own a planetarium, he can make you some crazy business card with stars. You want to adopt a kid, he can make your adoption pamphlet. Take it from me. He's probably like, please no more of that. Yeah. But he was so good with us.
His website is createyourdesignonline.com if you want to check him out. Iron Man 3, official release date is when? Iron Man 3. It has not started filming yet, so maybe shoot yourself in the foot on this one. But it's May 3rd, 2013, so we'll look forward to that, pal. Woods didn't really like Part 2. I didn't like Part 2. I didn't. Let me get that in my calendar. It was kind of, you know. Do you think Mickey Rourke was pretty awesome? I think Mickey Rourke is brilliant in anything he's ever done, but I just, I thought he was great. I just thought it was a little, maybe I'll sit and watch it again. I was kind of thinking about baseball. For real? Yeah, when I watched it. I'll try it again, but I don't know. It was a little bit too pomp and circumstance for me. Oh. M1 Alana from San Diego. What was the word of the day? Planetarium. That is correct. Planetarium. That's sanitarium. Are you sure? Positive. You won a pair of tickets to go to UFC 121 in Anaheim on Saturday, Alana. Congratulations. Oh, I'm so excited. Thank you. You're very welcome. Very excited. You're very welcome. Hang on. Hang on the line. Very good. Study has come out. Uh-oh. I thought we were doing something else. This would be the breast cancer, right? Right. Breast cancer. Breast cancer is bad.
We don't like it. You do not. Yes, I think everybody is. Study reveals. Study reveals. Let me burn time. Let me burn time. That I am against breast cancer. For the record, if I haven't been on record, I will say that. Oh, boy. Can I get this story out, Captain Buzzkill? Pfizer, Inc., big company. Their hormones have been linked, and the study has said that it could almost double the death risk from breast cancer, which is. Not good. It's called Prem Pro. It's hormone replacement therapy. So, yeah, man, it doubles the risk of death, which is bad news. Where's Sienna? What do you want, CBK? Oh, is it Mel? No, it's actually my turn, since it's our show, not yours. First of all, I can't stand. You love our show? No, I don't. Well, you will definitely not like this next story that I have for you. Uh-oh. Just hang on the line. Hang on the line. You ready for this? This is like, this is a revelation about one of your favorite people. What? Princess Leia. Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher. Oh, you mean when you fooled me yesterday and you said that she was in the studio and she wasn't? But this is a real story. This is a real story. She was doing cocaine on the set of The Empire Strikes Back. I'm reading it from FoxNews.com.
I'm not, and you know what? She wrote a book, and she's been doing this book tour, and we have her in the studio today. The real Carrie Fisher. No, dude, I'm not. Hey. She's really here this time. Listen, there's L.O.B. I'm telling you. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. You done? I'm telling you. She's doing a book tour. Carrie Fisher is in the studio today. She wanted to talk about it. Did you hear her? This is Gary Fisher. Is that really Gary? Yes, it's Gary Fisher. Why would I believe you? Who is on the line here? Is this Larry King? Why would I believe that it's Gary Fisher? It's Gary Fisher. Miss Fisher, if this is really you, say something you make and prove that it's you. I am Darth Vader's...
You have to know something more than that. I'm sorry. I'm really tired. I thought I was going to be talking to Larry King, and you're a mouth breather. Look, she was a partier back in the day, and she's here talking about her book and how you shouldn't party and be sober. That's fun stuff. Yeah, here's the thing. Sounds like Eskimo Blue Waters. Well, I've got a deeper voice than Eskimo Blue Waters, but I've smoked a few cigs. Did a lot of cocaine. I did. You know, I didn't even like coke. Tell me something that will make me know that you're not, that you are Carrie Fisher. I won't believe it. Um, let's see. This better not be a LLB. I have short hair. This is her. It is. It is her. I kind of look like Liza Minnelli a little bit. I told you, dude. She's here promoting her new book. Yeah, new book. Oh my gosh, I love you. I don't know who you are, but you're a mouth breather. I think he's a nose breather. Nose breather. Yeah.
So what's your name, nose breather? Please don't be mean to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just cranky. Because I love you so much. I love you too. You're a good fan. My name is Walter Schnurts. Walter Schnurts? Excuse me? Is that right? Yeah, on the radio I go by Captain Buzzkill, but... Your real identity. You're like a super Hebrew. Super Hebrew. Yes, I'm like a super Hebrew. My real name is Walt Disney Arts. Well, she used to work for a superhero, Steven Spielberg. I did. I worked for him. First of all, Delbo, Steven Spielberg didn't direct the Star Wars franchise. In another movie. She was never in a Steven Spielberg film. I never was. No, that's right. That's right. It was George Lucas who directed the Star Wars franchise. Are you specifically a Star Wars fan or specifically a Princess Leia fan? I'm a fan of the entire franchise, but I definitely, like any young man, was definitely a very big fan of yours for obvious reasons. He, Mrs. Fisher, has admitted to going to war on himself thinking about Princess Leia. Oh, wow. I've heard that from many men. Yes, he has. He told me off the air. Do you pretend that you're Jabba the Hutt and you've got me on a chain?
That's a common one I hear. Have you ever played that game, CBK? Do you still have sheets with maybe pictures of me on there? Hello, Walter? I can't stand. That was so messed up. That was so messed up. To say to him, right? Who has a picture of themselves as Jabba the Hutt, though? I mean, seriously. He figured it out. Wow, Captain Buzzkill. You are something else. I hurt my throat trying to do that. Walter? Walter Schnurts? Now we know. Walter Schnurts. Is that it? I bet you there's a Facebook page by the end of the day. Walter Schnurts. Walter Schnurts, the real CBK. Holy cow. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Tori Amos. Under the Pink. It's a great album. I'll be listening, start to finish.
You will? Mm-hmm. I'm supposed to be asleep by then a little bit. I do not know one. Eight to nine? I don't know any Tori Amos music. You don't? Nope. I bet you do. I'm surprised that my wife doesn't listen to Tori Amos because she loves Fiona Apple and I always think of them as the same. Me too. Are they similar? Yeah, well. Fiona Apple's more like... Sexy. Yeah, sexy, sultry. Tori Amos, she's very strange and eclectic. She's very angry. Hey, Woods, what's the greatest college football traditions thing? This is something that is pretty cool. And what got me thinking about it, besides LOB emailing me the article, was she sent this to me. She's like, this might be fun to talk about. And I said, you know... I think it's rad because I love college football. Me and three other guys in San Diego are big, big college football fans. And you have never been to a college football game. So what I wanted to do is next year go up for a game to take you to Notre Dame, let you see the whole bit, man, and see how it works and how fun it is. It's so fun. So there's a few, and I was looking at this thing that she sent.
There's just some really cool traditions that they do. Like, for example, at Ole Miss, their most famous alum besides Eli Manning was his dad, Archie Manning, and his number was number 18. And on game day, the legal speed limit on campus becomes 18 miles an hour. Really? Yeah, and it's not just for show. The speed limit is actually a part of Oxford's city law, 18 miles an hour. Weird. Isn't that nuts? And did you know, and of course everyone will be like, of course you talked about it, but my favorite college football team has a lot of traditions. There was actually four on this list, and I only picked two, so settle down. Yeah, the helmets. You know that they paint the helmets before every game with every night, every... Friday night before the Saturday game, they line them all up, they repaint them with gold paint, and it has real gold flakes in the... For real? I knew that. I knew there was real gold flakes. Yep. It's awesome. They take them apart, repaint them, put them back together, and they're fresh, new gold paint. Hasn't really helped our win-loss record in the last few years, but Paternoville at Penn State University is pretty cool, too. It's like a tent city.
What they do, and it used to be the night before the game, a bunch of kids would come out and camp before the game. Now it's gone to like three or four days before games. Kids are camping out there. It's a big tent city, and they call it Paternoville. You think the food's good there? I bet it's so good. And then another place I want to go before I pass from this great world is an LSU tailgate. Why? The tailgate party. They'll have duck, gumbo, sausage, crawfish, etouffee, grilled alligator. It's like a Cajun tailgate party. Are you in on that? You try the weird stuff? Yeah, I like Cajun food. You know that. And then I have to go to this, too. The world's largest cocktail party. It's the game between Florida and Georgia. Every year, it's insane. Half a million fans gather, by the way. Oh, my. Half a million. Half a million. At the tailgating action, for the tailgating action. And then another one of my favorites is the play like a champion today sign. It's in the Notre Dame locker room. They walk down. They all touch it. Every player that's ever played there does that, which is pretty cool. You think about all the greats that have gone in. And then another one that was pretty cool, too, was the Red River shootout that they do in Dallas every year. Everybody from Austin comes up from UT. Everybody from OU comes down to Dallas. They meet. There's brawls, arrests.
The most fun you've ever had. And they do it at the Texas State Fair, at the Cotton Bowl. So it's while the fair's going on. So after the game, everybody stumbles out and you go spend the rest of the day at the fair. It's one of the most fun days you can have. Extra cops that day or what? It's insane. The cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been announced and we're going to tell you who it is. And if you want to play the Ding Dong Sing-Along, call us at 570-1949. What will you win, Jay? I've got, for them, the winner will get a guitar heroes for a Wii. Sweet. 5701949. Hey, if you want to come and hang out with us on a Friday, I love Woods's. Look, Jagger. Looks like a chicken. I miss you. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's identical. It's identical. You've got to go to a Rolling Stones concert and watch him do it. Oh, my God. It's hysterical. 5701949. Oh, go to MikeyShow.com. If you want to get a backstage pass, come hang out with us on a Friday. NotSteveWoods.com. Yeah, Woods needed me to make the announcement because he's still getting inundated with people asking him. I love you. I love you all. I do. I want to hug you all. We want to get everybody in here. I want to get all of you in there. I want to meet every one of you. It's not in my control. I just have no control.
Let the computer pick. Yeah. So if you want to come in, all you have to do is go online, go to MikeyShow.com, and there's a thing there that says M1 Backstage Pass, and that's where you fill the thing out and get selected. But don't write Woods about it because he doesn't do it anymore. I don't do it. He's not in charge of it. I do love you, though. The cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been announced. Who's in it? Yeah, let's use that term loosely. Yeah. My wife loves that show. Most wives do. I know. I'm sure my wife watches it when I'm not there. Who's in it? Are these people celebrities? I guess they are. Latoya Jackson. Mark McGrath. Star Jones. Oh, boy. Lisa Rinna. Of course. Dionne Warwick. Richard Hatch. Is that more interesting than just a regular Joe?
Not for me, it's not. I was just thinking, I mean, it had to be because they stepped it up a notch from just their regular apprentice. They had to have made it more interesting. Well, they've done these celebrity ones, and they're always the D-listers, but I just don't understand why that's more interesting than a regular joke. Because when all bets are off and you're not performing or something like that, like most actors are, it's like you get to see what they're really like and just how bat-crazy they are. And they kind of have a built-in audience to a degree. I guess. I'm just saying. Richard Hatch. Jose Canseco. Nikki Taylor. Used to love her. Meat Loaf. Are you kidding? No. Marlee Matlin. Maitland? Marlee Matlin. Marlee Matlin. Matlin. David Cassidy. Hope Dworjak. She's a Playboy model. I'd be in on that. Lil Jon. Gary Busey. Oh, wow. Nene Leakes, who I guess is on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. And John Rich from Big and Rich. Oh, wow. That's the turdiest list of celebrities I've ever seen. Do you think that their agents go and lobby for them to be on these kinds of shows? Or do you think that someone in whatever network that's on, NBC or whatever, is like, who can we get to come up with the most random names possible? I'm thinking to myself, if I'm a publicist or a manager, I don't care who.
My client is. I don't let him go on Celebrity Apprentice because it means that you're terrible. It means your career's over, basically. Well, look what happened to Bret Michaels. Yeah, but he had a show. He had his own show. Yeah, but he came out of obscurity and came out and did this reality show. When was the last time you thought of him before his reality show? So that's how I'm sure they pitch it to them. Hey, look at Bret. You're not doing anything. That's why I wear this bandana and this cowboy hat. Just in case. He's got his own show again, by the way. He does? Brad does. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. Only this time he's not having sex with girls. It's like him in his home life. Oh, yeah, with his daughter and son? Yeah. He's a family man. How did he become a family man? I thought he was looking for a wife. I thought that was the point. How did that happen? Let's do the ding-dong scene. It's very easy. Basically, the way that it works, whether you're a man or a woman, is that you come on and you will listen to a song and when it stops, you start singing. The only rules to the ding-dong sing-along are that you can't just sing I don't know this song. I don't know this.
You have to come up with something. You have to be creative, all right? The other thing about the Ding Dong Sing Along is that you can't do nothing. You can't just say, I don't know. I mean, you got to come up with something in order to be able to win. What about this bit? I can't hear it. I can't hear it. You can hear it. We haven't heard that one in a while. It's true. And we know you can hear it. I know you can hear it. Let's see. This is M1 Mick from IB. Are you there, Mick? Yep. All right, dude. So I'm going to play this song, and when it stops, you have to take over singing it. Are you ready? Give me an easy one. I think it's an easy one. I think it's an easy one. Here we go. Beautiful face without a name. For so long. A beautiful smile to hide the pain. And a big play to put my heart in. I really don't know that song. Come on. A big plate to put my heart in. A big plate to put my heart in. Yeah, that song got too emotional. I'm a guy. I'm a guy. That's what makes it hysterical to me. That was when... Did you ever know that you're my hero? See? Didn't say heart. Or plate. You tried.
Oh, it's so gorgeous. M1 Josh from Oceanside. Are you there? You ready to do this? All right. Don't disappoint me. When this song stops, you start. Here we go. Is that right? That's not right at all. I didn't know it. It's Debbie Gibson? Yes. Debbie Gibson. I'm going to give it to you, though. That was great. You sang something. You came up with something. I'm going to give it to you. I was sold because I didn't know that song. I was looking at L.O.B. like, what? Good job. You're a winner. Hang in the line, Josh. Great work. That's how you do it, man. You sell me. That's it. M1 Murray? Marie. Marie. Yes. From Mira Mesa? That is correct. Are you ready to play?
I am so ready. Okay. When the song stops, you start. You ready? Very well done. Dead on. That's exactly what I do when I sing that song. No one knows. All I know is whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother. Is that really what he says? That's my jam when I run. Oh, that's great. Very, very good. Hang on a line. You know it very well. Staying alive. Staying alive. Everyone does that. Yes. That's fantastic. That was dynamite. We should do all BG songs. They're all like that. 570-1949 is our number.
Or you could text us. Our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. What would be a good addition to the human body, Woods? Oh, gosh. He gives me a look. A second set of boobs. Is that what you're going to say? 100% or an extra piece. How about just eyeballs on the boobs so I can look you in the eye? Oh, wow. That's really weird. You can't ask me anatomy questions. Woods, have you ever walked in on anyone having sex? Yes. You have? Oh, yeah. I never have. Fifty times. You have L.O.B.? Yeah. I like parties and stuff, you know. How about you, Jay? Absolutely. I never have. Really? No. Sorry. You didn't go to college. I didn't go to college. There's a lot of that. Mine wasn't in college. Mine was. No. It was yours in college yet? Yeah, they didn't miss a beat. I was like, I just got to get, oh, never mind. I just get what I need and go. Yep. It was my room. Really? Oh, yeah. Got a bit of sock on the door. Doesn't matter. Woods, how much would you have to pay, or how much would you have to be paid to spend a year in jail? Dude, I've been to jail. I don't like it. You'd have to pay me. It'd be seven figures. Oh, wow. Seven. A year? No, for one year, yeah. So it'd have to be in the millions. It'd have to be a million dollars. At least a million dollars. I mean, I clear a million dollars cash. Yeah. Yeah. To do a year in jail. Dude, I did 20 days in jail. Ask my wife. I wanted to...
I was at my wit's end. I thought I was going to die. For me, this question is like asking how much would it cost you to be involved in a shark attack that you would live through? No. No amount? The answer is no amount. I feel the same way. If I know that that's an acceptable answer, then I would feel the same way. I would do it for money. I would go nuts. You would go nuts. I would go nuts and I'd never be the same person again. You wouldn't recover. Yeah. If there would have to be stipulations, I'd have to have my own cell and, you know. Books, access to books and pens and papers and things like that. Someone would make me their girlfriend, and there's not an amount that you can pay me to have to be somebody's girlfriend, and I would be the girlfriend. I got it. Woods already did that to you. Oh, boy. I got a different one for you. What? I think we might have talked about this in your car one day. Can I turn Jay's microphone off? I don't think you can. I can't. Like, I don't have control over it. L.O.B. Mike J., what would you guys do if a producer of a reality show came to you and said, we're going to put you up in the Four Seasons Hotel? But you can't leave that room for a year. I'm in. No problem. A year. No problem. You can't walk outside. You can't open the window. As long as I can have my family and they're free to come and go as they want. Solo. And you'll get $5 million. Let's pretend that it's not going to impact other people. It's not going to hurt my...
kids. It's not going to hurt my wife, which it would, you know, but let's pretend that that's not an issue. For five million bucks for a year. Oh, yeah. It would cost way less than that. I turned one down last year. I turned down a reality show. They wanted to do a thing with, but they wanted us to come from the outside in and I couldn't be with my family. There's no way. Yeah, it was a reality show. What do you mean come from the outside in? They wanted me to come. Yeah, I couldn't live on the outside of the house. I had to go live in a house with people. Were you going to be on Big Brother? No, I don't know what the name of it was. They wouldn't, they didn't. wouldn't respond. They just came up and watched a group of people that I hang out with. Yeah. And they hung, they talked to us, they interviewed us, they, you know. Took nudes of you. With a Polaroid. I've got those in here if you want to see them. Well, Jay, the story didn't, the show financing didn't come through, but. Hey, thanks for applying. I'll keep the nudes. You don't need to trick me to get nudes. I would, it would not cost, if I didn't have a wife and kids, it would not. Yeah, you were a single guy. Yeah. Wouldn't cost $5 million for me to do that bit. You couldn't leave your room for a year. Yeah. I don't have an issue. I mean, as long as I've got, like, food. You wouldn't go stir crazy? No. I think I'd be okay, too. Yeah, I'd be for a while. I would not. I could do that for a year. I don't even know if I could do it for a week. Oh, God, I could do it for a week in my sleep. Oh, absolutely. 39 days would be tough. I'd like to do Survivor, but...
It'd be tough to be gone for 39 days. It's not the being gone, because nobody cares if I'm gone, but it's just being in a room with no fresh air or anything. Oh, my gosh. There is fresh air. It's coming through the air conditioner. I can't even wear a turtleneck. How could I be in a room for a few years? There's no fresh air in here. We have circulation. But I know that I'm going to get out of here. What about the 28-hour show? Oh, I'm sorry. What about the Mikey Show Marathon? Yeah, would you be able to handle that? Oh, I'd be going nuts. She's going to lose her mind, by the way, on that. Really? Oh, yeah. Not being able to be outside in a 24-hour period? Why? 28 hours. Oh, we'll go outside? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you can. Yeah, and we have to. Well, yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, that doesn't have any effect on me. I need to get every single day, even if I'm sick or whatever, I need to step outside, take a breath of fresh air. A breath of breath air. A fresh of breath air. That never, that just doesn't. I'd be all right. I get to crawl out of my skin. Let's see. Maybe I cough more. What do you got? When we come back, I'll tell you about the shooting at the Pentagon. Did you even know there was one? We'll tell you all about it after this. Love that song. Don't forget, on Friday, we're going to have another pair of tickets to go to UFC 121 in Anaheim.
So you got to be listening for that. On Friday, that'll be the word of the day prize. Want to let people know. The Pentagon shooting. Yesterday, there was breaking news that there had been a shooting at the Pentagon. And it was a big deal. Everybody's turning their TVs on to find out what happened. What did it turn out to be, Woods? They said it was a random incident, man. And none of the bullets went through. went through the walls or anything. That part of the Pentagon was empty at the time of the shooting. It happened at about 4.50 a.m. But it shut it down for 40 minutes, and they did an interior sweep, and all is well right now. It just happened to be a crime outside the Pentagon? Yeah. Not an attack on the Pentagon? You know, I don't know. I don't know. It just said that it's... They said there was also some windows shot out at a military facility, but there's no reason to connect those at this point. But yeah, they said it was a random incident. There's a guy that says that he was paid $1,000 to impersonate Tiger Woods on a sex tape. Yeah, you guys remember the girl that he was sleeping with for a while, Devon James? I think she was an adult film star. This guy, Tennille Joico.
They say he's a remote Tiger lookalike. He said he was paid cash to pretend to be Tiger Woods during a sex scene with this woman, Devon James. In a porno. Yeah. And he did it? He did it. Wow. Actually, yeah, she's a Tampa prostitute. She claims to have had an affair with Tiger and then alleged that he was the father of her child. And she is selling this tape now. How about this thing with the iPad? Apparently. The iPad is not selling well. Yeah, which I, you know. I thought it was real popular. I did too. I thought everybody loved this thing. But he, Steve Jobs, who's the CEO of Apple, was not happy. But he said the current crop of 7-inch tablets are going to be DOA, dead on arrival. Their manufacturers will learn the painful lesson that their tablets are too small. Yeah, he's talking about his competitor.
Yeah, he's talking about the competitors. Yeah, the competitors are putting out a product that's going to be seven inches. Right, yeah, and he's basically... That just won't do. He's having, I guess, a little sour grapes because his bunch isn't doing what they're supposed to do either. But yeah, he was ripping on some of his competitors. Well, I have the iPad. I love it. I know you do. It's great. I'm still looking for a reason to get it, but I just don't know. All it is is a big iPhone. Yeah. And you download apps onto it and you go to town. I don't like how you type on it. You don't have to type on it. I'm sure you do. You don't. Nope, you can read books. You don't have to type when you read a book. You know how else you can read a book? By picking a book. Pick up a book. Maybe turn the pages. There was an article from the New York Times yesterday that Toddler's new favorite toy, iPhone. Really? Toddler's. Toddler's. They love it. Jake loves it. You touch it and things automatically happen on there. Jasper loves Kim's. We put apps on there like math quizzes and stuff. He loves it. Toddlers, they don't know what they're doing. Yeah, my kid loves it. Speaking of Jay, he's cleaning out the refrigerator yesterday. Picks up a container of applesauce. Oh, no. It's all bad, right? It had mold on top of it. Yuck. So he puts it in the sink.
Phone rings. It's Woods. He talks to Woods for 10 minutes. Uh-oh, Woods. Is that right? What did you do? What happened when you got off the phone with Woods? I come back in the kitchen and Jasper has polished off the entire applesauce. Just spoon and container. No way! He's got a cold right now. He's got a cold right now, but it was foul. It's so foul. That is so foul. No way! Well, I told Kim. I was like, should I tell her? No, I guess I'll have to. Did you tell him? He didn't care. How old is Jasper? Seven? He's seven. He didn't care. Is he like licking the sides? Oh my gosh. Furry spots off the... It was green. I mean, it had green flaky things on it. It was a fur. Is there any part of you being the frugal dad that you are? That was like, good, I don't have to throw it away now. Like my dad would have been. Is there anything worse, by the way, than not knowing what stinks in the refrigerator? Is there anything worse than wanting a sandwich and you go in and there's mold on your bed and you're like, terrible. It's terrible. It's the worst. But when you open that, I think there's something that may just be starting to go in our fridge right now. And I don't know what it is.
Kim pulled the turkey trick with me. She goes, hey, taste this. And I was like, no, it's bad. She goes, yeah, I know. What are you doing? Why do you have me to do that? I don't like bad meat. Oh, my gosh. And if it's even close to that date, I'm like, toss it. It's questionable. About three Thanksgivings ago, I brined a turkey in it. Of course you did. It's so good. That's the way I do mine every year. Brined it in a brand new bucket. You know, you got to get a bucket. Okay. And pour brine in it. Yeah. And the next day, Rebecca got violently ill. Like hospital. Like violently ill. Oh, no. To this day, we don't know if it was the turkey that did it. Or the cook. Or the cook. You didn't get sick, though. I didn't get sick. Did you put the bucket in your refrigerator while the turkey sat in the brine? No, you had to use ice. Oh, okay. You had to use ice so that it would, you know. But still, I'm convinced that bacteria got somewhere and got her sick. Oh, man. I'm fiending for Thanksgiving dinner. Me too. I can't wait. My mouth is watering for turkey and dressing, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie. Stop. Count me in. Me too, but this year, I've, for the past, I'd say five years.
I cook. I do everything. Do you? I'm done. Wow, really? You're done. Who's going to do it? I don't know, but I don't want to. Well, bro, you have a problem. I know. You know what your problem is? Your wife's a vegetarian now. She'll still cook your turkey. Will she? Yeah. That's a beating. Well, yeah, but there's people coming over that are not vegetarians, so turkey has to be done. Maybe you help her out. Get in there, dude. I'm sick of it, dude. How about you do the turkey? That's what I do. I do two turkeys. I'm buying a fried turkey from Popeyes, and if you haven't had it, don't laugh. It's the best thing you've ever tasted. You're buying it? Yeah, you buy it. Is it just pieces of it, or is it a whole thing? No, it's a whole turkey. I've got to find a Popeye. For real? Yeah. Oh, it's the best. Popeyes will fry a turkey for you? Oh, yeah. They do in Texas, at least. I'm sure they do here. If that's a deal, I might do that. We'll go together, sweetly. Hillary, are you a veggie? Not anymore. You used to be. I was for about 12 years. Do you have turkey on Thanksgiving? Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. Love. Do you guys do ham and turkey? My mom will sometimes do both, yeah. I like them both. Yeah, me too. We're having a small family. My parents are coming in, so we're going to do a turkey. Will your wife cook? Yeah, my wife and my mom will cook. Oh, you guys will just be watching football. That's what I want this year, man. My dad and I will be watching football. That's what I want. Just being sweet together. I love that. Like, the smell my mom makes, like.
homemade stuffing every year, whatever, and she starts early. So coming downstairs at my mom's house and that smell of like the onions and the celery. Oh, my God. Look outside. Fantastic memories. Doesn't that look like Thanksgiving to you? Yeah. Thanksgiving here looks like it's usually warm, though. It's usually beautiful. Santa Ana's. I usually go surfing. Hillary, how do you decide where you do Thanksgiving and Christmas with the husband? We started, once we got married, we just decided we would do it. We'd just trade off. Trade off. Every other. So this year it's Thanksgiving in Chico, where he's from, with all his family, and Christmas in Manhattan Beach. And then next year it'll be the opposite. That's cool. That's good. It's easy. My wife wants desperately for us to have a Thanksgiving tradition. So last year we went to Big Bear for Thanksgiving. And they... Oh, my goodness. My family, it snowed. So the next morning we woke up. Beautiful snow everywhere. Jake, got a picture of Jake standing by the window. Beautiful snow falling. We had a fireplace going. It was a cabin. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. Then the day after Thanksgiving, there's a tradition in town at Big Bear where they light a Christmas tree. It's gorgeous. I never want to go again. I never want to go again. Did you lug all the food up and everything? Bro.
I lugged a mixer up there. We had bins. And bins. And bins of stuff. And it snowed so much that there was an advisory. I had to go out and find chains to put on the... Take them with you. That seat to me, that sounds rad. That sounds rad. Nightmare. Sounds amazing. The bringing of the kitchen utensils sounds like kind of a pain. It's like camping. We did a thing. We'd go camping every Thanksgiving and we would... do all the food outside. This is the first year we can't really do that in a while because the kids, they'll have college the day before, so it's a bummer. We were going to go to Joshua Tree and camp it up real good. Would it be really... bad and tacky of me to suggest to my family that we go out to dinner for Thanksgiving. Oh, yes. Yeah, it would. You're giving me a ray of hope. Your face says to me, maybe not. Well, I mean, it all depends on what you want for your family. Like to me, that meal at home, that's a huge part of the day and the tradition and just all the hanging out. It's so funny, too, because that meal takes a good nine hours to make.
I eat, and I'm done. I'm like 15 seconds. Yeah, people are so full. Done. Maybe we order a pizza. Yeah. But there are restaurants that will do an amazing spread. I mean, I think a lot of restaurants really care about that. Pamplemousse does it. Do they really? Yeah, man. They do with turkey with everything. I bet it is. Now, if you went and said, hey, I'm taking everybody to Pamplemousse for Thanksgiving dinner, that's pretty good. I don't think anyone would bad night. Nobody's going to complain about that. I mean, you know. You can still hang out all day. You can do the desserts and stuff at home. Some people even do that and then buy a turkey just to have the leftovers. Oh, yeah. Sandwiches. I can't wait. Never get enough leftovers. It's the only time that I like Miracle Whip. I love it. I love it. Hillary, what do you got coming up? I grabbed The Hold Steady and P.J. Harvey and Kings of Leon and some Talking Heads. Oh, and the new Everest record. Nice. It was really good. There you go. lovely and talented hillary is coming up next and mikey show will come back tomorrow morning at six o'clock do it again