The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/21/10

1:39It's a Mikey show. Here's our phone number for your general usage. 570-1949. And you can use any area code in San Diego. They will all work. That's the beauty of it. 570-1949. And today's word of the day, I'm going to give you right away. It's cornucopia. Oh, Thanksgiving theme. Yeah. It's horn of plenty. By the way. So that's what the stuff pours out of a horn? Yeah. Yeah. Horn of plenty. We had all that Thanksgiving talk yesterday. It got me in a mood. Well, what kind of horn could you fit food in? A cornucopia. A cornucopia. What sort of horn would fit a bunch of food? It'd have to be like a dinosaur horn to fit. I think they were woven. Yeah. I don't think it was a real horn. Okay. A dinosaur horn. I feel. Because that would be bad. Silly. I feel silly. I thought it was a real horn.

2:40I think that they were woven. Nowadays, they're woven. Nowadays, they're wicker. Yeah. Maybe I figured out. I think they were woven from palms, maybe. Maybe fronds. Yeah. Wow, we're already getting texts. Phones are already lit up. This is what I like to see. Yes. 570-1949 is our number. And you can text us 949mikey at gmail.com. I like this. This text says, Mikey. Make sure not to wet your pants before you introduce the band Cutlass on stage. That's M1 callback. Good callback, callback. Yeah, way to call him out. Because you... Because why would he say that? Because that would never happen to a grown man. It did happen to a grown man. It did happen to me. It happened to you when? In 1990. 1990. Was it 1990? 1991. Were you hosting the Mikey Show then? No, I was Michael Shannon. Back in those days. Pseudonym. I was known as Michael Shannon. On a smooth jazz station? Yep. Rad. And I was introducing Judy Collins, singer of Bring in the Clowns. My theme song. Maybe they're here. And it was at the Saratoga Mountain Winery. Amazing. It's my favorite part. I was wearing Dockers. I was wearing Dockers.

4:09Oh, my gosh. There were. And a tie and suspenders. Because at the time, the look was like the movie Wall Street. Was it? Yeah, if you were tall and handsome. They didn't wear dockers in Wall Street. Well, yeah, because they could wear khaki pants that, you know. They were suits. Yeah, but the look was suspenders. Yes. If you wore a suit. Yes. Once you took the suit jacket off. You had to have, you know, suspenders look cool. Yeah, they look real sharp. Not the khaki pants bit, though. No. With a fake tortoiseshell glasses. With a fake tortoiseshell faux. And a purple fuzzy beret. Yeah, that part is not true. And you don't need to add that because it's humiliating enough. Okay, it was a raspberry beret. The kind you'd find in a secondhand store. Exactly. And I had to go pee-pee before I went out on stage. I was so nervous that I... What were you nervous about? Getting out on stage. The crowd. The crowd, yeah. Not the lore of Judy Collins. No. The crowd and getting out on stage and being obese. All of that had me nervous. It's a little piddle. And as I was, you know, I tinkled and as I was...

5:32Doing the shake, as the fellas have to do. It went all over my dockers. It's my favorite. Oopsie. I have been there, my friend. Never on stage in front of a million people, but it happens to me probably twice a week, so don't worry about it. I'll tell you what. I knew immediately that I was in deep trouble. Yeah. And I thought to myself, What will I do? Did you like walk out and try to cover it with your hand? Like, hey, welcome Judy Collins. No, it was on the front of my pants, like right there. By your peep. How about a hand dryer? Although that'd be kind of weird if somebody walked in on you. It wouldn't have worked. It was a lot. It was a stain. A big wet stain. You poor guy. No wonder, dude. You should have just taken water and splashed it all over your pants and been like, I dropped my coffee. Oh, no. Oh, no. I walked out on stage. People with their jaws dropped open just looking at me. Just twirling their Chardonnays. Twirling their Chardonnays in the glass. With a morbidly obese DJ. That they were like, that's Michael Shannon? That's the guy? They were expecting some slick ass Corvette driving. Shirt unbuttoned down here. Gold medallion. That's the voice? Lady killer. You know what makes it worse, Woods? That's funny.

7:03But they weren't expecting that. What they were expecting was a handsome, sharp, business guy looking maybe. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But back in those days. Back in those days, a medallion wasn't cool. Wasn't it? No, that was the 70s. Wasn't this the 70s? This was the 90s. The 90s. They were expecting one of the members of Color Me Bad to walk out on stage. I'm sure they were happy with what they saw. Are you? We may get to hear some original Michael Shannon today, might we? Might we tweet? Yeah, we are. Did we dig up some stuff? We did. Stay tuned, people. You're not going to want to miss this. Just trust me. L.O.B. and Woods and Jay, we were doing a meeting yesterday, and they go, can we please play more of your old tapes, the real tapes of me from 20 years ago. Real stuff. From 20 years ago. You talking up Color Me Bad. Yeah. And stuff like that. And Mariah Carey. I'll give you just a taste. Yeah. Just a taste. This is a little sample bag. If you like it, you come back and you buy more. A six-pack of cassettes. A six-pack of cassettes. A six-pack of cassettes.

8:30Whoa. Nailed it. Wow, nice flow. Six pack of cassettes. Could listen to it for days. That does not sound like you. No, who is that guy? It's so funny. That's not even the embarrassing stuff, man. The real embarrassing stuff is when I would play the dance music. KWS, I can't even do it. Get your groove on. My goodness. I love it. I love it. This text says, Mikey, I think you guys were confused about what Steve Jobs was saying yesterday. He was ripping on other tablets that are coming out using Android as their operating system and a 7-inch screen. The iPad is actually the number one selling computer. Yeah, Woods falsely... I just read them, dude. That's what the thing said. It said analysts were upset. I don't know. I don't care. God, leave me alone. That tablet's great, man. Do I call friggin' Domino's Pizza every time you guys make a mistake and say, Hey, I didn't get enough pepperonis. Just leave me alone. Well said. Seriously. The guy is really uptight today. We have retracted that story, and we have now brought you the... What's the matter with you people? I was joking!

9:51Don't you know a joke when you hear one? Maybe try decaf. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Maybe Santa gets back. Why are you so uptight? Is it because you were pretending to not see my text this morning, Woods? No, I left my phone downstairs because I didn't want to do the text and Facebook bit all night. I wanted to spend some QT with my wife. yell at her all the time because she's always on her phone. I'm like, leave the phones. We're going to watch this movie. Watch a movie called Just Cause with Lawrence Fishburne and Sean Connery. It was brilliant. And I was like, no phones, no computers, no nothing. I don't understand why you're a little on edge today because your Yankees won last night. Yeah, I know. You should be really... Still nervous. Today should be a really happy day. It is. It's a good day. What is it, three and two now? Yeah. Three games to two. Yeah, your Yankees won, and they forced a game six. Chubb Sabathia pitched pretty well yesterday. It's good, right? It's good. It's our ace. I mean, about time. You should be happy. I'm happy. Where will game six be, Woods? Game six will be in Texas. Going back Friday night, Texas. So, great. Saying a word. Scared to death. You can't say a word. You're a Philly fan. Hoyle's coming in at 7.30 to do a duet. He said he has a favor to ask of Dave Matthews. So, Dave Matthews would be a C. Yes.

11:11Right, Dave? That's news to me. You'll be here. Oh, no. Dave! Knocking over everything. It's Dave Matthews. It's good to see you, though, man. Watch it. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, you just. Did we just find Chris Turner's keys? No. No. Okay. No. I think those are Woods' keys. Are those Woods' keys? I think they are. It just fell off the wall. Can you put him back? But don't walk there. Stop, this is creeping me out. Don't walk there. Don't walk there. So creepy. He's going to mess around and break that guitar, and Garrett's going to kill him. You're going to have anything on under that robe. Garrett. I now know that. Guy just wears a white robe around here. Dave Matthews. Okay, so the word of the day today is cornucopia. Sometime between now and 10 a.m. You will hear me use that word. And today it's worth a pair of tickets to see Vince Vaughn and Kevin James and their comedy road show. They do this thing where they're coming to San Diego. They tour. And they're coming here. You get to see them live and in person. I wonder, does Vaughn actually do stand-up? I don't know what he does. I don't know. I don't know. It's funny, dude. I don't know. Maybe it's like a vaudeville act that they have. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my ragtime guy. That's right. Who's on first?

12:37Let's do two hours of that. Vince Vaughn and Kevin James doing Who's On First. That sounds awesome. 570-1949. Give us a call. I got your texts this morning, by the way. I got them. I wasn't trying to ignore you, my friend. You did. Your 15 texts. Yeah. And your email. Yep. Had to make sure you got it. I checked my phone before I leave, so you're in good shape. Yeah. You guys want to get something to eat? Stalker. Oh, man, I just had to make sure. I had to get here with you today. Stalk. All right. There's a little stalking. I showed LLB the text. Silk stockings. I had to, though, because I had to get around. Should I read them on the air? Yeah. Let's do it. Oh, boy. Well, I had to make sure Woods brought me today because my wife and I got to look for couch. Sounds like a blast. Here's what I wake up to today. Ready? Hey, man, can I get a lift to work with you today? Next text.

13:41You don't have to bring me home, by the way. Next text. Rebecca will pick me up at the station. Next text. Come on, clown. Next text. Woods. Next text. I need you, clown. Next text. Ha, ha, ha. You're a douche. Next text. You do realize I will never believe you when you say you didn't get my text. Okay, okay, okay. Was that you? Was that you this week? Okay, okay. I was like, I got the phone, and I'm like, What the hell's going on? Like, somebody dead? As a neglected lover, it sounds like. I needed the ride. Like, great. I'm going to call a cab. Call a cab. Because Woods wants to blast cigs. Great. Oh, that's so funny. Then I called him. Yeah, they called me and he sent me an email. Oh, wow. I had to make sure. No wonder girls used to be like, really, pal? Leave me alone. Would you do that to a girl? No. Yes. I didn't.

14:41I honestly didn't. You've admitted as much. What did I do? That you've called girls too much or left too many voicemails or texts. No, I've told stories about how I got them. I don't think I... Oh, this one particular girlfriend I was a bit weird with. Oversellous? Yeah, and then, I'm not kidding you, 15 years later, she did it with me. Really? Yeah, 15 years later. To where I was like, you're being inappropriate. And you're being inappropriate. Is there anything worse than the guy that sends you, like, let's say you just met him. Let's say you went on one date with him. And he's like, hey, I had a really good time. Hey, really, that was a lot of fun. Call me back. I want to talk to you about something. Oh, gosh. I don't understand why you're not calling me. Oh, my gosh. Do you hate me? That guy. One of my buddies from Dallas was in town. He was showing me this girl. And he goes, what's he? Look at this. Bam. 15 messages. Where are you? I don't understand why you won't call me. Why isn't this working out? I really need you. And he's like, yeah, this is the biggest turnoff I've ever seen. I'm like, 100%. Yeah. Sometimes you don't always have your phone with you. Yeah. That happened to me after a first date. I don't buy that bit, but I always have my phone with me. I don't always. Unless I'm asleep. If I'm going to have dinner with somebody or go...

16:08specifically have quality time, the phone stays at home. Yeah. When I was dating, they didn't have cell phones. That's true. So he'd have to send a telegram saying, why won't you call me? Smoke signal. Paul Revere would write up and be like, why haven't you called Jay? Hear ye, hear ye. Ding, ding, ding. Jay Isbell wants to know why Kim has not called him back. Hear ye, hear ye. And then it would be bad because the guy's lamp would go out. Yeah. And he couldn't see. And then three days later, he would go back and tell the girl why. Why he didn't call back. Just riding on a horse. Right. Three days go by. Send it on the Pony Express. That's right. Here's a letter, Kim. Two weeks later. Oh, man. 5701949 is the number. So the Yanks won last night, forced to game six. You know, I was driving home. We had a meeting here yesterday. And I was driving home, and I had about... 10 texts, and they were like, dude, you watching this? You watching this? I was like, whoo, whoo. What time did the game start here? Early. It was on early. Like 2 in the afternoon? Yeah. The time I got them, it was 5-0 Yankees, so I was stoked. That was good. You know, the Rangers battle back. They're a good team, man. They really are. And, you know, if we can win game six, then we get Cliff Lee. And you know what? That guy's really good, but he's due to lose one.

17:30And I'd like to beat him. Who will you guys throw? We will throw tomorrow. We'll throw Phil Hughes against their Colby Lewis. Yeah. And then on game seven, we'll throw Andy Pettit against Cliff Lee. That's good news. I mean, we don't really have that big of a shot, but there is still a shot. There's always hope. You guys know who the Rent Too Damn High Party guy is, right? He's this guy right here. He's my main man. Let's see. I represent the Rent Too Damn High Party. Now let me describe this gentleman. I think he's probably about 64 years old. He's got, you know, white hair now. He has a handlebar-type mustache. Mike, he is exactly 64 years old. Wow. Oh, wow. Look at you. His name is Jimmy McMillan. He wears reading glasses, the kind that you put on the end of your nose. Oh, yeah. You know, those kind. And he's in a very dapper suit. This is politics as usual. Playing a silly game. It's not going to happen. The rent too damn high movement. The people I'm here to represent can't afford to pay their rent. They're being laid off right now as I speak. They can't eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Listen.

18:55Someone's child's stomach just growled. Did you hear it? You've got to listen like me. Let's talk about the issue. Mr. Cuomo, 30 seconds for you, sir. There he is. Now, what's the news with the rent is too damn high guy? Well, the rent is too damn high. But it's not too damn high for Jimmy McMillan because he doesn't pay rent. Hasn't paid rent since the 80s. Why? Couldn't do it. Couldn't afford it, so he now does maintenance work in exchange for rent. Well, that's good news. Yeah. That means he really knows what's up. The rent is too damn high. Yeah. Well, it's so high that he's having to work. How would he know? He doesn't pay rent. Yeah, because he's got to work in exchange for rent because it's so high in New York. Doesn't everybody? Yeah, but he does it in exchange for. You know, he can't afford it. If he had to work for it, he couldn't even afford it. I think that's pretty funny. Yeah. Myself. You're seeing the irony? I'm seeing the irony in it, yeah. Plus, you know. That's the name of his party. The rent is too damn high, but not my rent because I don't pay rent. Well, and even if, let's say that he got his rent for free. Mm-hmm. Okay. And. He's $800 a month, one bedroom. Yeah. Yeah. So let's say he was getting it for free. I would still say, well, you don't have to be something to want something for people. Well, yeah, I mean.

20:22Obama talks about small businesses. He's not a small business owner. He's not a small business owner. Yeah, but he's the president of the United States. He can talk about any issue under the blanket. That's an example, but not everybody lives their platform. Yeah, it's like this. It's like somebody that says, I want to do things for the poor, but they're not poor. It's like the headline says, guy that runs the I want stuff for the poor party is rich. You'd be like, okay, well, nice. That sounds cool. The guy is... What's the deal with the rent is too damn high party? I'm guessing it's that he wants rent to come down? That, I mean, he's, and I like the dude. I think he's pretty amusing and interesting. But his bit is, hey, it's not about my rent. It's not about me. It's about the children and their future. Where will they stay? Right. Think about how much he has to work to get that $800, too. Does he? Yeah. I mean, it would be weird. The story would be strange to me if it's like, well, the only reason that you're running for the rent is too damn high party is because your rent is too damn high. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I don't know. It's pretty interesting. I could be off on it. I like it. The rent is too damn high. Tell me about it. Especially in New York City. There are places where the rent's not that high. Hey, an $800 one bedroom in New York doesn't sound too bad to me. I could swing $800 a month.

21:47Well, maybe he's been living there for like 34 years. Maybe he's rent controlled. There's places in Iowa where the rent is not so high. No. But it's Iowa. You got to live in Iowa. My first apartment in my life when I was 18 was $200 exactly per month. And that included utilities. Yeah. It was in Tucson, Arizona. That was tough. When I was in college, my cheapest was... $235 a month. Was that just your share? That was my share. That's your share, yeah. I've always had pretty expensive places. I'll pay more for a nicer place, and I didn't like roommates. My five-bedroom house in Texas was $75,000 when I bought it. Wow. And it was big property and everything. But I thought, this is the most money I will ever spend on a house. I'm going to give you so much trouble. There's no way I'm going to make this. My goodness. Then you moved to California. And I was like, what is going on out here? It's nuts out here. For $75,000, you can rent a closet. Yep. Buy a closet. Buy a closet. A couple things. NFL responded to...

22:55how they were selling pictures of those hits that they're finding players for. People are like, so you're finding players for it, but then you're selling those pictures? So they responded to that. Plus, there's been another Toyota recall, and we'll tell you which models. You may be driving one right now. Down and dirty. Yep. Feeling kind of mean. Yeah, and you have an afro, my friend. And you're a white guy. You're a white guy with an afro. And every once in a while, you'll wear your button-down shirt with the buttons undone all the way to your belly button. Yes. And you sing higher than a lot of women. Yeah. And, by the way, your waistline is at your belly button. Yes. Good bad note. Right now, can you, in your mind, visualize what your second grade class smelled like? Classroom. Classroom. Mm-hmm. Yes, I can.

24:26Can you right now visualize what the library at that school smelled like? Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Can you, in your mind, visualize what it smelled like when you walked into the cafeteria? Oh, yeah. Love it. All of that makes me nervous. Does it make you nervous? No, it makes me nostalgic. I am a sucker. For nostalgia. I would now if I went back and smelled it all now, but at the time, all I remember was just being scared all the time. Funny how closely smells are associated with those images, too. Smells and songs for me. I hear certain music, and I'm like, I'm right back, eighth grade, dancing with Wendy Gibbons. You know what I mean? I don't, but I do. I don't, but I do. I remember that, oh, you know what I would love to smell? In fact, if there's any girl... listening that has this, but it's impossible, I bet. The girl that I had a crush on used to wear a perfume in eighth grade called Gloria Vanderbilt. They still make Gloria Vanderbilt, but I think it probably smells different. Really? Mm-hmm. I really liked her, and she only wrote me one time where it was sort of like, I think I like you too, and she sprayed that on there, and she didn't like me. Such a good move.

25:49Oh, yeah. I would do that, and then the ink would spray everywhere. I want to squeeze them. You had to figure it out. I know. I did after that. You spray it first, let it dry, then ride on it. From far away, you can do it, too. From far away. What was your little eighth grade perfume? I think I wore cool water. For girls? Yeah. Or did you wear your brothers? No, cool water for girls. For girls, because cool water was a cool thing for dudes. It was a long, blue, sleek bottle. Bathed in it. Yeah, me too. Bathed in it. The one that slayed me, the girls, there were two. Eternity for Women. Didn't like it. Oh, I love it. Clinique Happy. Clinique Happy got me, but Liz Claiborne for some reason for women. Liz, you guys are like, those are such old. Sassoon. Sassoon really used to get me too. Yeah. Just kidding. I don't know what that smells like. Nicole Miller. It was a great perfume. Yep. I had Nicole Miller from Men. So did I. Yeah. The brown bottle with the grooves in it. I put my dad's aqua velvet on because I didn't know any better. Of course. Gross. My dad wore Aramis. Aramis. That stuff smells like dirt, dude. Yeah, it does. It smells like rubbing alcohol. It does. It smells so bad. But it also smells just like my dad. He still wears it. Aramis. To this day. Did you ever smell canoe?

27:06I think so. You buy that at the gas station? You put 50 cents in there? No, my brother had it. It was like designer. The worst one I wore. The worst one I wore that still is in my nose. Call us with your colognes that you used to wear. 570-194-90. And perfumes, too. Mine stings the nostrils was Fahrenheit. Oh, man. Bro, I wear it in here all the time. No way. I've never smelled it in here. You have. You just didn't know it, maybe. Because, you know, it'll smell different on different people. I rock vintage. Every once in a while I'll come in here rocking a vintage cologne. I'll come in here rocking Drakkar. Polo green. You guys don't even know. I would do polo green. They still make it. Yeah, they do. Yeah, because goofballs like me. Drakkar is like what all the guys wore. All the hot guys. I'll wear Drakkar in here every once in a while. I'll still wear cool water every once in a while. I liked Eternity for Men, too. That stuff was amazing. And then I wore CK1 when I came out. That stuff's stunk. I know, but I wore it. I told you my CK1 story, right? Yep. It was farty. Girl farted one time. And was wearing CK1. And every time you smelled CK1. Silver dress. Silver dress. British accent. I left the room. I was gone for, you know, five minutes. She thought that she could do that and that I wouldn't notice, and I did.

28:26And it was mixed with the smell of her CK1 perfume. Now, every time I smell CK1, I'm like, oh. Can't handle it. Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm trying to tell you. I love that stuff. Now, I haven't bought a new cologne in years. Holy cow. The one that this person is calling about is the one I'm wearing right now. M1 Kristen from Oceanside. Are you there, Kristen? Yes. Go ahead. Hi, I'm calling about the Abercrombie Fierce, the cologne that the guys wore. Oh, I can remember that. I'm wearing it right now. You're wearing Abercrombie? I'm wearing Abercrombie Fierce. Does Abercrombie still exist? Yeah. I was actually in the mall just the other weekend. Abercrombie and Fitch? The store? Yeah. You thought they went out of business? Yeah. Who still wears that stuff? Okay. You, Mike? You mean the clothes? Yeah. I can't fit in the clothes. They only make them up to a certain size. You didn't have to really, Kristen, you didn't have to. You didn't have to sniggle. Right there in my face. No, I just think it's funny because my husband and I listen to you guys every morning and I just can't help but laugh every time you make one of the comments about sizes or being obese. Yeah. Imagine me.

29:56It was funny because... Yeah, I was hysterical growing up. Imagine just walking up to the counter with your mom at Sears. She's irritated because you just had to shop in the men's section instead of the boys. And you're nine. You're nine. And you're nine. And she's got to sew your pants because she's got to hem them. They're like four feet wide but one foot long. Come here. Tell me if this is a good cologne, L.O.B. I can't smell right now. Come here. Miss Andrea, my son's teacher's here. Is this good? I think it smells really spicy. Is it good? Yeah, Abercrombie Fierce. Fierce. I'm wearing Corduroy by Zier. Z-I-R-H. There you go. Remember Abercrombie Woods? That's right. That was the name of it. Yeah, it was made after Steve. Steve Woods. Did you ever wear safari? No, you know why? Why? It smelled like bug spray to me. It does. I've had two bottles of cologne break in a bag before. A bottle of safari broke in my bag on the way to a senior trip in Cancun, Mexico. So when I got to Cancun, all my stuff reeked like safari. And then I went to Australia and a bottle of Aquadigio spilled in my suitcase after a 24-hour flight. I know that smell. It stunk so bad. I had to buy new clothes when I was there.

31:14Did you guys wear a curve? Oh, yeah. Terrible. That was so cool for so long. Terrible. Did not wear that one. Stinky. Real pieces of panther in it. That's right. M1 Bear from San Marcos. Good morning. Do you remember Gap? It was like the early 90s. I think it was like a freshman or sophomore in high school. And they had one for girls. I think it was like heaven or something. But for guys, it was called grass. Yeah, I remember. There was grass. Yeah, they did a couple. Yeah, I remember grass from high school. Beach was one of them. They still called it grass when you remembered it, Jay. Mary Jane. Thank you for the call. Yeah, I remember those. Banana Republic makes a good one called Classic that smells great. It smells like a Banana Republic store, which always smells good. Here's what girls wore that smelled so good. Sun-ripened raspberry lotion. From Bed Bath & Beyond. Or Bath & Body Works. That's the one. From Bath & Body Works. Sunripe & Raspberry. From Home Depot. And then the other one. And this one got me, man. This is maybe the greatest smell ever. It's Per Glace from Victoria's Secret. Oh my gosh, man. It smells like a stripper to me. It does. It smells like a stripper. I think it smells pretty.

32:35Well, it does, but we used to go to a lot of strip clubs, and that's what they all wore. So I associate that with strippers. One stripper that I met wore a light blue. Oh, it smells so good. And that's what I was wearing. My friends thought, the only time I ever went to a strip club, my friends thought it would be funny to go send a girl over to me to give me a lap dance. Was she a good kisser? No. Jay said, how come I can't turn his mic off? Why haven't I made it so I can't? I did. And they said, you can't. The way we made the board, you can't turn his mic off. I said, I know, but he says things on the radio. Literally on the radio. On the radio. And they say things. And they said, well, what's the problem? I said, it's weird. He says the creepiest stuff. Yeah, that was creepy. What? He'll say the stuff that will come out of my skin. Seems appropriate. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. That's right. From the mouth of babes. Victoria's Secret, everything they made smells good. Yes. Underwear, the panties. What? What did I just say? Because you don't listen sometimes. Yeah, you go, he goes, the underwear, the panties, and you go, uh-huh, yeah. And my brain catches up. Yeah.

33:48Look at Jay in there laughing at me. Sniggling. Sniggling. How it gets over on me. First of all, underwear and panties are the same thing. So this conversation was just crazy. I know. I'm wearing both, so. Oh, that's great. You want more calls? Oh, yeah, I want more calls. The ones that people really remember and liked a lot. Oh, I just remember one for girls. What? Sunflower. Oh, yes. Was it Clinique? That was in high school. I think it might have been. Or Elizabeth Arden. It was Elizabeth Arden. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. Yeah, Elizabeth Arden sunflowers. Woods is right. I'll bet you. Oh, I remember that. I want to smell them. I remember the bottle. Let's go to the mall after this. Do they still smell those? I don't know, but I want to go. Wow, he was right. Yes. Hey, Woods, you know what we should do? We should blindfold ourselves. And we'll have guys and girls come in, right? And they'll wear the stuff. And maybe L.O.B. Maybe L.O.B. can smell the fellas with blindfolded and see if she can tell us what it is. Are you good at that, though? Okay, forget it. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. So we can smell and see if we can tell what it is. It was kind of my bit. Me too. Early high school, maybe late middle school, when a girl would have a perfume on, if you could say, is that Elizabeth Arden's Sunflowers? It's my favorite. For some reason.

35:05They were in on that, that you knew that. I could do that up until about four years ago. Me too. And then they get so many brands. I don't think I ever was in on a guy knowing my perfume. Oh, I knew a lot of girls that were. I got a lot of action that way. So ladies, if you don't mind being smelled, come on. Come on by. Yeah. Good gracious. Hey, Mike, you love the show. I live overseas and I stream online and listen live. It's right before I go to bed. Can I have a bedtime story? Thanks, Samantha. So cool. Why not? Give me a minute. Is that Mr. Rogers? Yeah. She wants a bedtime story. Okay. I think something embarrassing would probably be fitting. You sound like Frank from Donnie Darko. It's not online. L.O.B. doesn't have it. She's getting angry. There she is. This is so creepy. The ears isn't as ominous. You gotta work on your ominous laugh. How about this?

36:53Great Snuffleupagus broke into her room and started haunting her. There you go. Much better. I hope she enjoyed that. I bet she did. Just making her morning. Don't let the bed bugs bite. That's right. Speaking of bed bugs, L.O.B. finally goes to the dermatologist today. True story. Try to figure out why she's itching so much. Do you still leave an itch? Yeah, not as bad. Not as bad? I'm thinking it was something to do with the change of weather, but now as soon as you said that, of course I'm itching. I can't wait. I cannot wait for this diagnosis. She's one of the daffiest girls I've ever met. Yeah, I can't wait. You're fine is what they're going to say. I have moxie. You have dry skin. She's full of moxie. I don't. It's more than that. Is there anything worse than going to the doctor and you don't have the symptoms that brought you there? Is there anything worse than going to the mechanic and the car doesn't do what... Yeah. Is there anything worse than maybe selling a car and the day the guy comes over to test drive it, the power window stops working, the tires flat. It happens to me all the time. It's the worst. It's the worst. So we told you we were going to tell you about the Toyota recall. And so, Woodsy, what vehicles are we talking about? Well, they're recalling 740,000 cars and SUVs in the U.S., nearly 600,000 units in Japan.

38:18And they include the 2005-2006 Toyota Avalon sedans and 2004-2006 Toyota Highlander, non-hybrid SUVs as well. 2004-2006 Lexus RX30 SUV and 2006 Lexus GS300, IS250, and IS350. Basically, what it is is there's a seal in the brake master cylinder. And that seal may be drying out. And they're going to fix it at no charge. And I have one of those cars in question. So I think my car is going to be recalled. I think they're great cars. You ask me. I think they are, man. I think they're getting a bad rap right now. And you know, this stuff happens all the time with other cars. It's just that they don't make news. Because it's true. You think I'm making that up? I'm not. I know somebody that works for the new car dealership group of San Diego.

39:15That's not a real place. That's not a real place. And she said, and she didn't have any affiliation with like a particular one. She represents them all. And she goes, yeah, she goes, it happens with all of them. She goes, it makes news with Toyota because it happened like twice in a row. As soon as it happened twice in a row, anything that happened, they would. like make the media would talk about it. Yep. And they're going to mail stuff out to, to those people that need it. And I'm sure I'll be waiting for my letter for soon. So perfect. You know, they do that with, uh, airlines a lot too, because there's different classes of bankruptcy and it'll make news that, you know, Delta's filed for bankruptcy or something like that. But apparently airlines will do that all the time. It's just different classes. Yeah. I've heard that too. Yeah. Uh, this text says the best perfume. For you guys to get your ladies is Hanemori, number one. Yeah, I've smelled that. You can get it at Nordstrom. It's the best. It's H-A-N-A-E-M-O-R-I. So we're going to do a contest between me and Woods, and we'll blindfold ourselves and see if we can identify the perfumes. We should get a bunch of attractive girls in here, get them all sprinkled up with perfume, and just make that right. It's for the show, though. What if we just did four different ones, and Sienna and I did...

40:34One on each arm. Yeah, we could do that if we have them. But you can't put any perfume on. You don't put any perfume on. Damn it, Lauren. Do you have a bunch of perfumes? No. We could probably just bring the sales ladies in. But you have to get the perfumes for us or for strangers. Yeah, but they have them. They're wearing them. They're wearing them, so they just come in. I have stuff, but not popular stuff that you guys would know. Well, if you want to... Sweet grass, sweet flavor, patchouli. No. Do you wear patchouli oil? No. Have you ever? Yeah. Yeah. I was in college. I was a hippie. Oh, and I was in college bit. It was one time. It was in college. Experimental time. I was burning incense. Yeah. Anything worse than the smell of incense? I love it. Nothing. Nog Chompa. Did you check up on... Nita's, I bet you it's Nag Champa. No, I'll ask her. All the hippies out there know what I'm talking about. 570-1949. If you can come in and let us smell your perfume and we can identify it, we'll give you a price. Creepiest thing we've ever done, but I'm on board. Is it creepy? I think it's creepy. Jay thinks it's creepy. And that's creepy. That's why I offered up my arms. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. It isn't creepy if we don't, you know, we're not.

41:59They're not nude. They're not scantily clad. Just let me slide my nose along your neck. Hi, boss. I'm going to need to take a half day today. Oh, you got a doctor's appointment or something? No, the Mikey Show wants to smell me. Actually, more specifically, Woods and Mikey from the Mikey Show want to smell me. They want to sniff my neck. Not their neck. We'll smell their wrist. Smell that space right between their breasts. That's the space to smell. It's really the best place. It's close to the heart, and it beats, and it drops. The Donna Martin. The Donna Martin, yes. The best place would be near your pulse. I'll take photos. By the heart. By the heart. Was it nice living at home? Because you're done. Yeah. Can I stay with you for a while? I just want to let my wife know I'm not saying that kind of crazy talk. It was his idea. I wasn't making it creepy. I just go along with it. You guys kind of made it filthy. It's creepy. It is creepy? Yep. Okay. All right. Never mind. Never mind. Let's just go play at the perfume counter today. Let's see. Because you spent and words spent 20 men on man perfume. 20 minutes. He says he knows you're gay because you spent 20 minutes talking about men's perfume. It's actually called cologne and men wear cologne. The text only says because you spent.

43:24And words spent 20 men on man perfume. Yeah, it's W-O-O-D-S. I was probably autocorrect on his phone. Really? I know what he's saying. Woods isn't a word? Maybe Jay just wrote that. It does sound like my type-in, though. 570-1949. Don't worry about it. Let's see. Let's do some of this. Let me give you some of this, Woodsy. Maybe I'd do it in a feminine voice. Woodsy would be happy today, man. Yankees won. What's on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, yes, I'm happy. I'm a little bit relieved the Yankees made it a series somewhat. No, they went Friday. That's a series. Tied 3-3, going to Game 7. That's a series. So the game's Friday. Game is Friday night.

44:26I know what I'm doing Friday night. But, yeah, man, they looked good. CeCe pitched pretty well. He kind of ran out of gas in the sixth inning, but he's thrown a ton of innings this year. And he was a beast. Cut one. Let's hear him. I just felt like I wanted to keep him in it, you know, and give us a chance to win the first two starts of the postseason. I just felt like, you know, I wasn't able to do that. What was that? Played it again. It wasn't me. Played it again. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Maybe he was holding his little kid. Was he holding a baby? Hi. Maybe it was. You want me to play the cut again? Yeah. I just felt like I wanted to keep him in it, you know, and, you know, give us a chance to win the first couple, you know, the first two starts of the postseason. I just felt like, you know, I wasn't able to do that. He must be holding his kid. Holding his little kid. That's cute. That's more scary. And then last night, the Giants, it was one of the greatest baseball games I've seen in a while. The Giants took down the Phillies. The Phillies are now down 3-1. Feast on that. Yeah. Yeah. I saw that game. I saw part of that game. Yeah. I saw your boy, Brian Wilson, Mike. It was great. Back and forth. I had a dream about him last night. Oh, weird. That's a true story. Because we were talking about it so much yesterday. Yeah. I had a dream about the pitcher for the Giants, Brian Wilson. It was hysterical. You want to talk about studs?

45:44Buster Posey on that team is a rookie. Guy had four hits last night, drove in four runs. He's ridiculous as a rookie. Brian Wilson has a little man crush on him, too, like you have one on Brian Wilson, cut two. He has the utmost confidence in who he is and what he's capable of doing. He's articulate. Whether that helps you to be a good baseball player, I'm not sure, but if you can carry yourself with the kind of confidence that he does, you're going to find yourself in big situations. And the more big situations you're in and the more times you're successful, you become a prime-time player, and that's what he is. He's like the Zach Galifianakis of... He is. He is. That's such a good analogy. That's exactly what he's like. He's a lunatic. He's hysterical. He's hysterical. And, man, that's... Nobody thought they had a shot. And I mean nobody. I'm shocked. And they are up 3-1, Lincecum against Halliday tonight. Not looking good. That is solid. Tonight will be a good game. And then Brett Favre does not really want to talk about Jen Sterger. Weird. Yeah, imagine that. That's the girl that he allegedly sent pictures of his piece to and dirty text and suggestive text and things like that. So he did meet with an NFL official, and he's really not wanting to talk about it. Cut three.

46:56My focus is on Green Bay, the next opponent. And as it was last week, the week before. I question. I question that too. It's a huge challenge for us. The guy's really good at... not saying anything. He always does his audio from like a hammock too. Yes, he does. Just lounged, just laid back. And then we mentioned it earlier, but I wanted to mention again, the NFL says that it does regret the mistake in which photos of illegal and dangerous hits in Sunday's games, those three bad, nasty hits. Well, they had put them up on their website and was selling framed pictures of those. They now realize that that was a mistake and they're going to take those down. I think it was a mistake. I think it was a mistake. I think it was a mistake too. They didn't think that anyone would sniff around and make the correlation. Well, I mean, if you find these guys $75,000, it was actually $175,000 total. They find those guys that, so they got that money, and then they're making money off those pictures. You can't find them and then sell the pictures of what they're doing. I don't understand how they can do that without a warning or something like that. Well, you know what else I was thinking?

48:04Think about those DVDs that they put out that are like the NFL's most craziest. Hard hitting. Fish hard hitting. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you putting that out? I mean, what did they show on highlights all freaking weekend? Those three hits. Those three hits. Those three hits. And it's like, man, they're giving it a lot of punk. Let me tell you something, man. Jon Stewart. Dude is good for making some headlines with the stuff that he says. He goes on Larry King last night and talks about how Larry's smart to get out of CNN while he's sitting there on CNN with Larry King. He says Larry's smart to get out of CNN and what a dumb move it was for CNN to replace him with Piers Morgan. He talks about how CNN was crazy to fire the guy that accused him of being the anti-Semitic guy, Rick Sanchez. He goes off on these crazy tangents and says all this crazy stuff. We got all the audio. It's next. You got me. You want to know what Woods and I are laughing at? Go to MikeyShow.com right now. There is so much greatness on MikeyShow.com right now. First of all, the first video up is a girl picking her nose in the background of a news report. Oh, gosh. It's so funny. It's hideous. It's hideous. She's going deep. Yeah, she is. She's digging for gold. She doesn't know. She finds gold, and then maybe she feasts on gold as well. Go to Mikey.

49:46Go to MikeyShow.com. Did she eat it? Did I see that right? She did, but that's supposed to be the surprise. Yeah, you're supposed to let people let that unfurl. Oh, come on. I missed that part. Whatever. You missed it? I didn't see her eat. See, I'm glad I told everybody. Watch for the... Who eats their boogers? I do. I do. You guys stop. You people stomp it right now. So do you. I'll spit them out. I do not. I swear on whatever you want me to swear. I do not eat those things. Because I just saw you digging. I'm a flipper. I'm a flipper. Sometimes, Jay, you can't get off and you have to go, no. You don't. You flip it because it's a booger. I mean, I don't swallow it, but I spit it out. Mikey swallows it. I do. You guys are disgusting. It's hysterical. You are a booger eater. Jay, if we got into what you are. We do every morning. I'm not a booger eater. Write that down. Let's see. And then the other great thing is you to manicure. Oh, man. Oh, Woods? This picture of Woods. This picture of Woods for you to manicure is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Go to MikeyShow.com. Here's what we're doing. Gosh darn it, Jared. It's hysterical. He's the best. Jared at CreateYourDesignOnline.com in five minutes whips up a picture of Woods.

51:11wearing a robe, holding a glass of wine, getting his toenails filed. It's hysterical. MikeyShow.com. Check it out. I just told my wife, I called her on the break, and all I heard was, Just cackling real good. So a week from tomorrow, between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., we're going to take some dudes. down to Two Roses Barbershop in Logan Heights, and we're going to get a straight razor shave. So hot towels, lathery, you know, shaving cream, and then they're going to do a straight razor shave on us like old school. Yeah, dude, like Capone used to do. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You're not going, Frankie. I'm going, dude. You're not going, dude. I already talked to Adam, man. No, you didn't. I talked to him. We haven't even said how people are going to win the prize yet. I don't have to be a winner, dude. I work here. You don't work here. If you work here, you can't get the prize. Right. I can go along. No, you can't. If you don't win, you don't go. Why can't I go along if I'm on the show? Because there's so much space in the limo. There's so much space in the limo, and you don't want to throw, you know. You guys are taking a limo? I'll drive my T-Bird, man. I got a Thunderbird. I'll drive my own car. You're not following behind us. If you don't win, you can't go. I'm sorry.

52:36We're doing a straight razor shave from Two Roses Barbershop in Logan Heights. Yeah. We're getting a massage. This is for guys, okay? Dudes, we want you guys that have never done this before, all right? We're going to mamper ourselves. Yeah, mamper day. Oh, I love this. Massage, pedicure, and facial from Urban Skin Care and Bee Beauty Boutique in Little Italy. Oh, God. And how are we going? We're going in a stretch hummer from Rockstar Limos. You guys are women. No, we are men. We're going to get treated like queens for the day. We are men. That's right. Men deserve to be pampered, too.

53:17You guys get to have babies. We get to be pampered. No, the tradeoff is me and Sienna, and then we're going to pick some girls. We're going to go to the Chargers game. That's cool. Have a ball. Have a ball. Have two. Have a great time. In an RV. We're going to tailgate with beers all day. Have a ball. It sounds like fun. And you're going to get the station to sponsor it, Mike. You know what? It's only women that feel left out. Guys, for whatever reason, our reaction is take it easy. Great. I'll see you on the flip side. Yes. You know why? But all women, all women, their reaction is... Because we get left out syndrome. I'll be at home. Yeah. Napping. Yeah. Going to war. Now, here's how you... Shut it. Registration closes next Wednesday at 10 a.m., okay? So after 10 a.m. next Wednesday, you can't get in on this anymore. But if you want to get in on it, here's how you do it. Go to MikeyShow.com, and you'll see the area that's called You to Manicure. With my picture holding a glass of... Chardonnay. Chianti. Chianti. Now what you're going to do is you're going to write us a poem. 200 letters or less. All right? Why you should get to join us in the You to Manicure contest. Such a great name. Poem, prose, whatever. It doesn't have to rhyme. Just make sure it's funny. I don't like poems that don't rhyme. Do you like those kind? Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get those. Really?

54:47I'm not as big a fan. I like it. It's pros. I like pros. You know what I have to figure out about it, Woods? I got to figure out, like, why do I like this? Like, what am I supposed to like? It's beautiful words. It's the rhythm of the words. It is? Yeah, it's the words, you know. I'll show you a couple that I'll make you. Fake bit. What? I think it's a fake bit. What's a fake bit? I think that they're just, like, people pretend that they get the rhythm of it, when in fact, you don't. Yes, I do. You. believe in cadence and intonation and the whole thing. You're in radio. You're in radio. So that's what prose are. They're not meant to be read silently. No, they are. They are? Yeah. Prose can also be like an entire story, right? Absolutely. You don't have to. A poem doesn't have to go, I love you. You love me. Going down the sugar tree. No, it doesn't have to. It really shouldn't for a lot of times. Man, it's so weird. Haikus don't rhyme. You like haikus. But your brain accepts it more when it rhymes, I think. You don't like haikus? Weird. I guess what I don't like about haikus is that they have to fit into that thing, you know? That's the beauty of them. I know, I know. That's the beauty of them. It's a fake bit. But write us a poem and make it funny. Make it funny. Make it right. You can do a haiku if you want.

56:11Yeah, you could, actually. You could do a haiku. Do whatever you want. Do whatever you want. We just want the good ones. And how many winners, Mike? We're going to do a total of, will it be four winners? That's what he said. We have four winners plus us. Yeah. Rad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So won't it be a pair and then they get to bring somebody? I don't know. That's a good question. Do we want to do it so it'd be two winners? I don't remember. Adam just wrecked his car, by the way. Yeah, Adam's like. Do you guys remember anything that I ever tell you? Idiots. Maybe we pay attention. We'll get the details on the website once we clear it all up. Yeah. But just do the poem. Enter. We'll all take a look at them. We'll judge them. Watch them. Judge them real good. And then we'll make our picks. All right. So check it out. Jon Stewart last night on CNN with Larry King telling Larry King about how he's glad he's getting out of CNN. What's happening, baby? Can I tell you something?

57:10You made the right choice. You are leaving this place. You know where you are? You're the last guy out of a burning building, my friend. Oh, John. Holy cow. Huge balls. He's saying it on CNN. Stop. Oh, I'm sorry. Are we on CNN? Oh, I thought this was like the pre-show banter. Oh, listen. You're really leaving this place with a greater... That's my nature. What's that? What he's doing. To do what Jon Stewart's doing? No, to just say it. He knew it. He said it on purpose. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you did. That's my nature. That is not my nature. It's my nature to say the things that are so taboo. Like, oh, you can't say that here. Like when I talk about if I mention Rock 105 or if I say Eddie or Sky. Yeah, how it used to make us all nervous and now it doesn't. And I always have done that. I've always talked about, you know, because I don't. Or like the fact that we use time cards here, things like that, that when you say it, we're like.

58:10But I don't know. Would you go on to a network or a station and bash the station? Yes. Only, listen. No, no, no. No, no. Here's the thing. Not so much anymore. That's not my bit anymore. It used to be that whatever I thought I would just say. Right. Now it's, well, I don't want to hurt anyone. Yeah. I don't want to hurt anyone. But it's, you know, it should, and that shouldn't hurt anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's talking about the network. He's doing it for shock value, which I'm getting a little bit tired of the shock value from Jon Stewart. I like him, but I feel like it's constantly like, oh, oh, did he just say that? It is kind of interesting though, right? Oh, it's definitely interesting, but what's he doing? Infrastructure, and I think you've done a, I think he's done a wonderful. Thank you, Jon. You're a real Parker Spitzer. I don't understand. I don't either, Dennis Miller. Good God, come on. Here's another one. Wouldn't it be nice to not have so much franticism? Wouldn't it be nice if conflict and the false urgency of the 24-hour news networks, of which you very wisely have decided to walk away from? By the way, I think they've made a brilliant choice by bringing in a British guy no one's heard of. I think that is... When I'm thinking about floating a sinking ship, what do I want to bring on it? A guy that people are going to tune in and go...

59:34Who's that? And why is he speaking so funny? Maybe he just really hates CNN. Well, the reason that that strikes me as funny is because it's kind of, you know, there's some truth in it. 100%. Oh, yeah. You know. Should he say it? Nah, he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to. He's being a D. He's being a D. That's what he's doing. I think he's trying to have fun. Eh, there's a way to have fun. There's a way to be a D. Yeah, there's more bite to it. Like, he's got something with CNN specifically. Now, you know what would have been a funny joke is that he said, hey, that's interesting that they're bringing in a... British guy that nobody's heard of. I mean, that'll be good for ratings. That's pretty funny, and that's not very hurtful, but, oh, that's the best way to save a sinking ship, is to bring, you know, it's like a little jab you don't have to do. I do that with the missus sometimes, and I don't have to do that. Well, how awkward is it for him when he has to get, like, his mic taken off by, like, all the people that work there getting led out of the building? Thank you, guys. Oh, I know it, right? Good luck with that. He's going to shake hands when he's done. A lot of hands. A lot of hands. I don't know. They may feel the same way. Do you hear all the...

1:00:42In the background? Now, Rick Sanchez was a guy that worked for CNN. Quarterback for the Jets. No. Mark Sanchez. That's Mark Sanchez. Dirty Mark Sanchez. Different guy. Rick Sanchez did work for CNN. He got fired for anti-Semitic remarks, some of which were about Jon Stewart, and here Jon is talking about it. They're asking this. What you thought about CNN, us, firing Rick Sanchez after he called you a bigot? By the way. I love that bit that Larry does. I used to do that too. When I had a really uncomfortable question to ask of people that I was interviewing, I would be like, P1 Molly from El Cajon texted in and wants to know if you still do heroin occasionally. No way. That's great. No way. Should they have fired him for that? No. Oh, you think they made a mistake? Oh, with the crap you guys have put on over the last 10 years? What, are you kidding me? Fire somebody if you don't think they're doing a good job as a news person. This whole idea that people, you know, they fired a woman for tweeting something on her thing, on her blog. They fired Sanchez for saying what he said. I think it's absolute insanity. I think that this idea that people have to be held to account for everything that comes out of their mouths as far as their livelihoods are concerned. Does he do a good job? Were you pleased with his job or was it an excuse to, you know?

1:02:12to get rid of him in a manner. What did you think of the job he was doing? He's a ham. I mean, I wasn't crazy about the show. Do you think I want to see a newsman get tased and then get into a car and drive him into a river? Yes, absolutely. I was watching that in a second. Can we get that on Yankee? A thousand percent, I would want to see him tased and drive his car in a river. A thousand percent. Wow. You got to be on a different level of intellectual. If you don't find a newsman getting tased and driving into a river. Interesting. It's super. I want when people get tased, it flips me out so bad. I don't want to be that intellectual. I don't want to. I don't want to get. I would never want to be so smart that I don't find a news guy getting tased. I think he's saying we've seen that all before. Now let's get to the more important matters. Still interesting. You know, that's the other bit, too, of, well, there's bigger issues. I mean, it's like... Isn't there? Of course there are. There always is. You know, there always is, but... But usually CNN makes that their top story that they play over and over and over again, and it's on their website. I know what he's saying. I've seen the deterioration of CNN in the past couple years. No, I agree. I guess I haven't noticed. I don't like CNN because CNN is all left. I just don't care. Out.

1:03:27What? What are you doing? But the idea that they would have fired him for calling me a bigot. I wish I could. You know, I think if that's the reason, hire him back tomorrow. Because I, you know, my feeling is when he said, you know, there was the thought that he had said that Jews control the media and that maybe that would have ruffled some feathers that they felt like that was. Maybe that was. OK, but even that, I'm sorry. That is a nasty thing to say. I don't think he actually means that, but I don't think that's a fireable offense. Jews controlling the media is a nasty thing to say? I mean, I kind of like what he's saying as someone that's in communications that you have to be so careful of what you say that, like, you can have one. I mean, what he said, he definitely should have been reprimanded for and apology issued and everything. Yeah, what's the PBS guy story? The guy that works for PBS that says something about Muslims on airplanes? Oh, yeah, man. There's a guy. No, it wasn't. It's NPR. NPR. Yeah, so... What did I say? You said PBS. Yeah. Public. This guy's name is Juan Williams. He's worked at NPR for a long time, but he is basically a conservative guy. And he was on Bill O'Reilly's show, who is just the worst. He's just the worst. I can't stand that guy. My little two cents. But he says here to Bill O'Reilly, look, Bill, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb,

1:04:55And I think, you know, they're identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims. I get worried. I get nervous. They fired him. Okay, here's the issue. That they're identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, and that's what makes him nervous. That is stupid. That's stupid. If he had said just the following, if he had said, when I'm on an airplane, and you also have to think of context, if I say it, Or if Jerry Seinfeld says it, it's one thing. If the guy from the McNeil-Lair report says it, it's different. So you've got to have context. But if he had just said that when he's on an airplane and he sees a Muslim with a turban, they don't wear turbans though, do they? Muslims? The way they're headdress-y and they feel bad for not knowing. I know, we're terrible.

1:05:57We're monsters. We're bigots. You're not monsters. You're idiots. We're ignorant. You're idiots. I'm an ignorant mental midget. Subject to the plight of the Muslim. Right. But if he just said that when he sees that he gets nervous, maybe he is ignorant for being nervous. Is he? But maybe he is. Dude, I mean. All I'm saying is that, and you've heard me say this a million times, it's okay to feel whatever you want to feel. You just can't rub it all over somebody's face. But you can feel whatever you, feelings are your feelings. But it's like you can no longer retract what you say and apologize and do that. It's like all the networks and everybody's so afraid of being not PC that the hammer just gets thrown down kind of hastily. It puts people in a communications job very like... You know, you have to be very cautious of what you say. I mean, I guess maybe you should be. I don't know. It's hard to give your opinion on a lot of this stuff. We live in a microscopic bigot world where everything that you say is scrutinized for bigotry. Yes. And bigotry is looked for in everything that you say. I'm not a racist person. I'm just not. But sometimes I'll say something and I just wonder, like, oh, wow, was that taken the wrong way? How did that get taken? Yeah. Oh, gosh. Oh, God.

1:07:21Figures. Fine. I'm glad you guys are finally discussing it since you're all bigots. Wow, that is such a strong word. That's a strong word, man. I'm not a bigot. Okay, fine. Mike, he's a bigot. He is not. Yes, he is. No, he's not. No, he's not. Against everything you two would. I am not a bigot. You too, Lauren. What? LLB likes black guys. I do. I like all colors in the rainbow. Yeah, you know what? What? She's prejudiced against white guys. No, no, I just said. No, you are. I just said. You put the white man down. I like all colors in the rainbow. No, you do not. You discriminate against white men. You are a racist against your own race. I am not. Whitest. You're a Mikey-ist. Yes, you're a bigot against Mikey. That's not like Latinos. I bet you don't like Latinos. Mike, he's not Latino. Mike Esparza? Hello, I've heard him on the radio. You're telling me that that guy is Mexican? No, I'm telling you he's a Latino. Mexican is very offensive. That's obviously a joke you guys do on the radio. No, it's not. Have you ever met him? No, I haven't. I would have to go to something that he's at, which I never would. Do you want to come in the studio on a Friday? Never. Why not? No.

1:08:45The answer is N-O-No. What's the matter? You can't take no for an answer? What's the matter? You got rejected too many? You don't like Mexican people. I do like Mexican people. No, you don't. Then why is there a Cesar Chavez poster on my wall right now? I don't know. Got you there. Do you know who he is? In your face. Talk to the hand, Woods. Really? Don't be a bigot. Step off. You're being a bigot. I'm not. You're being a bigot. You are. You're being a bigot against Mikey. You're very extreme, Captain Buzzkill. We should start calling you Captain Overkill. Yeah. I'm sorry, Lauren. I can't hear you through your hood. Oh. That's right. Against white people. I'm very offended. She wears a black hood. She wears a black hood. Mike, I mean, Woods. Don't give in to him. You know what? That's pretty funny. You know what? You know what, Lauren? What? CBK. White guys are just like all of the guys. Not in every department. I really hate you. That's a very bigot-like thing to say. You're a mean-spirited guy. You should accept us. We're people just like you. I do. Do you like Daniel Tosh? Well, his name is Daniel Tosh. I know that.

1:10:21Do you like him? Yes. What about the stuff he talks about? I like him because he's an individualist. I don't necessarily subscribe to his... Prescribe? Subscribe? What? Magazine prescription over there? Magazine prescription. Magazine prescription. Yeah, that's what you said. To geeks are us. I'm done with it forever. I'm not calling back. Fine. Good. You know your ratings would go down if I didn't call back? Yeah. Would that? You... Don't know a word of what you're saying. They might go down because he listens four hours a day. Yeah, that's true. You guys are a potty. You're a potty. You're a potty mouth. We're a cesspool. You're a cesspool of pottiness. You're a bunch of diaper heads. Turds. We are turds. That's a very offensive turd. Covered in bird hair. Towards babies. You know what? Sometimes harsh words. We're a bigot against children.

1:11:15You don't like children either? You don't like children? You're a dirtbag. Who doesn't like children? Babies are so cute. Babies are so cute. I can't believe you don't like kids. I'm trying to adopt a kid, and you're going to be a bigot against babies. I would hang up the phone. You're a monster. You're a monster. I bet you are a creep. I'm writing a letter to Mrs. Captain R. Buzzkill. That's right. Your mother. I'm writing a letter to your mom. Right now. I'm writing a letter to your mom. Got him all skewed out. Oh, my gosh. He couldn't get a word in. He really got him. Wow. He really got him that time. 5701949 is our number. Captain Buzzkill is an M1. He doesn't prescribe to the Mikey show. We need to start saying M1. When we come back, let's play some movie plot hot potato. You want to do that? Yes. Love it. Wait till you hear what Yoko Ono thinks was the reason that the Beatles broke up. She doesn't think it was her. It's nothing to do with her, huh? Just wait till you hear this. At 8 o'clock this morning, so 25 minutes basically, we're going to play tapes of me from 20 years ago. Michael Shannon days. It's humiliating. It's classic. Brave man. All of us on the show like Fuel and we don't admit it. You know Fuel offered...

1:13:00Chris Daughtry, the job, and he turned it down. Really? Before or after American Idol? After. It was right after. It was the day after he got kicked out of American Idol. They offered him the job. Turned it down. I hate this guy, though, but I like this song. You don't like the singer? Brett Scallions. He's a D. Oh. Because I remember my old radio days. I like his voice. Yeah. Well, I told you this. He walked on stage. Tell us. He goes. Are you ready for me, Dallas? Not, are you ready for us, or we're going to rock your face off? Are you ready for me? Are you ready for me, Dallas? And he's about 5'3". He's a little bub. Oh, wow. Yeah, shorter than you. All right. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, well, he's a punk. Word of the day is cornucopia. When I work that into a sentence, caller 9 gets a pair of tickets to see Vince Vaughn and Kevin James' Comedy Roadshow here in San Diego. You can see his twin here. Which one? Me. There. If they had a baby, it would look just like me. Would. Wouldn't it? Maybe it would. Maybe the baby would look kind of like you. It would. So, I told you that I was going to play for you Yoko Ono. Yoko Ono, for those of you that don't know, was she married or just his girlfriend, John Lennon?

1:14:27She's married to John Lennon. Married. And widely considered to be the reason that the Beatles broke up because she was a tag along. She was just always there. Yeah. She'd be in the studio. She'd be getting in their business, telling them what they should do, all that kind of stuff. If you've ever seen the movie Imagine, you feel for Yoko a little bit because you see how much John Lennon loves her. I mean, like. loves her more than anything. But you also see her in the studio with him playing songs and her telling him what to do. Maybe Zip Your Lip, that's John Lennon. Oh my gosh. Did he listen to her? Yes. And Phil Spector and Lennon are doing harmonies on Oh Yoko, the song that he wrote for. I love that song, but they are doing harmonies on it and she's like, oh you need to try this. No way. Phil Spector and John Lennon. And you're like, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. And John was probably like, let's try it. Let's try it, let's try it. Yeah, truly. Let's give it a whirl. And Phil Spector's like, oh, great. Maybe let me do what I know how to do. She was on Anderson Cooper 360. Listen to what she says. People are saying you broke up the Beatles, but I mean, the Beatles were on their way to breaking up before you were. They didn't think about that. I think that I was used as a scapegoat, and it was a very easy scapegoat, and a Japanese woman, and you know, whatever. Racism. I buy it. Well, I buy some of that. All right.

1:15:48You think some of it was sexism and racism? Sexism, racism, but also... Anything-ism. Yes. Basically anything-ism. Yoko-ism. It is. Yoko-ism. Yeah. Just remember that the United States and... It was fascism. Socialism. Yeah. Fighting with Japan in World War II. It was just after that, in a way. Just after that? She's going to play that card that was just after World War II? Yeah. It was right after Hiroshima. Just after that? I don't know, 20 years after it. So I can understand how they felt, yeah. Did it hurt? Well, it did in a way, but, you know, it's... Let me ask you, Yoko, do you think it had anything to do with you hanging out in the studio 18 hours a day? Telling Paul McCartney what chord progressions to play? It was sort of like a distant thing in a way because Joan and I were so close and we were just totally involved in each other and in our work, you know, I mean, I just... kept on being Getting ideas and he was too. So that was much more exciting. Yeah, but you're not a member. Yeah, Paul you might want to try a G D a F. That's a great idea. I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna try that here. Wait a minute, we've been trying that. Paul, you might want to go A D F C. John, I don't want to.

1:17:13I don't want to. Going to kill her. I don't want to do it because your girlfriend told me to. Yeah. Is there anything worse if being in a band and having some, like, it's in Spinal Tap. The lady's like, here's what you guys need to do. And they're like, get, dude. You're not even in the band. Speaking of the band, I'd like to put one out to my girlfriend. Your girlfriend? Your girlfriend? Yeah. Where's Dave? He's here, I think. What's your girlfriend's name? Tripped over it, you ignorant dummy. Oh. What's up, man? That's harsh. What's up? Look out. What's up, man? Can you do me a favor? I'll do you a solid. Don't be an idiot. David, don't be an idiot. Don't call me David. I'll call you whatever I want. Pick up your guitar. What, man? What do you want me to do? We're going to play a song for my girlfriend, Mama. Oh, wow. You're weird. It ain't.

1:18:19My real girlfriend. She's a girl and she's a friend. I've said that since I was five years old. It used to be cute. It's creepy. What song, man? What's one of your popular ones? Probably Crash. Play it. You be quiet, L.O.B. It's weird. It ain't none of your business. What key is that? What are you playing? A minor. Is it A minor? Because I've got to get in tune. Actually, it's in the key of G. Is that G? No. What is that? Is that G? Yeah. Yeah, give me a G. One more time. I think that's right. Why are you tuning your kazoo if you're going to sing? Why don't you just stay out of my beeswax? Brian, every time. I called her my girlfriend. It was cute. She thought it was funny. Nobody else thought it was cute or funny. Everyone did. Stop it. Okay, go ahead. That ain't a G. Let's get on key, man. Ready? Yeah.

1:19:27Perfect. Let's do it. One, two, three, four. You've got... No, wait. You did start before me. I'm going to count you in one, two, three, four. What's going on to you, girlfriend? She ruined it. That's good because I forgot how to play it anyway. It's your song. You've got your change. Tell O'Brien to stop laughing at me. She's laughing at me. Are we rolling? Yeah, we're rolling. I'll be silent over here. One, two, three, four. What's the matter with you, David? My fingers are all swollen, man. No, they're not. I'm looking right at them. What's the matter with you? You've been eating salt? I've been eating too much salt. You playing with your foot? Get it. You just woke me up. I didn't really want to do this anyway. You are a dictator.

1:20:43I'm just trying to do the song. Minus the tater. Oh. There we go. This one's going out to you, mama. Oh, man. Forget it, man. That's perfect, man. What's the matter with you? That's perfect. I have to start singing this before I go to my dentist appointment. Hurry up. One, two, three, four. You've got your ball. You've got your... You're a choke artist. Maybe we try it later. We've got to work on it, man, because you're not doing it. You ain't playing it right, and I got something in my throat. That's... You've got your ball, you've got your chain tied to me, tied me up again. You're way off. Don't criticize it, O'Brien! You're so off. Such an expert! Sorry, but you were not at all timing that. You're not at all!

1:21:50Hey, Horlis, L.O.B. used to date a musician, so I think she knows. It's true. What do you know about dating musicians, David? Not me, her. You didn't never date no musician? Yeah, I did. I dated Liza Minnelli. Well, I slept with her, but... Liza, did he really sleep with you? This is not true, darling. I didn't think it was. I've never seen this young man. I played at the Tonys. Years ago. Oh, that's right. That's right. What are you talking about? The Wildcat. You played at the Tonys? The Tony Awards, yeah. I think her name is Tony. I have a feeling... This guy is a grass smoker. I've seen him. Liza, they ain't called it grass for 45 years. What is it, cannabis? This guy is a cannabis inhaler. I'm going back to bed. He's adorable. He's a mess. If I hadn't slept with him, I will. Drug addict. Are you talking to me? Yes, you too, Dave. Anyway, Liza, you drug addict. Yes. You're wonderful. I love your music. I love martinis. And olives. Uh-oh. Blue eyeshadow. And popping my peas in the microphone. You guys want to play some movie plot hot potato? Yeah, I don't know where the potato is, though.

1:23:16Uh-oh. It's behind the couch over there. 570-1949. Let's play movie plot hot potato. The way it works is that I have, I got to guess what the plot of these movies are. And Woods and Jay are going to throw a hot potato back and forth as I guess the plot, as I guess the movie. And then the loser, whoever's left holding the hot potato. That's 60 seconds. BB Butt. Who, haven't you won two weeks in a row? He's lost two weeks in a row, I think. No, no, I won last week. You won last week. My mic's not on. There we go. All right. There we are. Wait a minute. We changed things around, so I've got to find... The timer? Yeah. It's page 10. Ah, you. Back one. There you go. There we go. Right there. Right there. Okay. You've got to pick either Jay or Woods. Wow. M1 Omar from San Diego. Excuse you, Woods. That wasn't me. Omar, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, who would you like to pick?

1:24:20Jay. You're going to pick Jay. Yeah. Good move. Hang on the line. And M1 Stephanie from University Heights, you've got Woods. Okay. All right. Hang on. Sorry about that. Don't sound so enthused, Stephanie. Cool. All right. So they're going to give me the plot of the movie. I have to guess the movie. My turn this week. You start first. And they pass this hot potato back and forth. Whoever's holding the hot potato at the end of 60 seconds is the loser. Here we go. Joaquin Phoenix, mockumentary. I'm still here. It's Wes Craven, Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street. There you go. Tom Hanks is kind of slow. Life is like a box of chocolates. Good. Really? This is in the future. Mel Gibson, he drives his car really fast, helping get gas. Yeah, yeah. The Road Warrior. Yes, thank you. Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are in prison. Shawshank Redemption. John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson. Pulp Fiction. Yes. Oh, wow. We've done that one before. But Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze make love. They make a clip. Tim Burton. It's Jack Skeleton. He wants to. Night Before Christmas. There you go. Close enough. Mel Gibson. Nightmare Before Christmas. Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are cops. Lethal Weapon. Tom Hanks on Death Row. John Coffey. Ralph Macchio does. Karate Kid.

1:25:43Keanu Reeves is a computer hacker. Yeah! You knew what that one was, though, didn't you? Who? Keanu Reeves. Oh, Matrix. Gotcha. Where's my girl? M1. Stephanie Woods won for you. There you go. What did Stephanie win, Jay? UFC pay-per-view for the 21. There you go. Hang on the line, okay? Uh-oh. All right, so Woods is going to get Jay in the butt with a BB gun. That was not the butt. That was not the butt. Woods gave a look like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Where did he hit? He hit me in the leg. Down where. Does that hurt more? No, don't do it. Down where the sun doesn't shine brightly. B in the B area. I wouldn't have wanted to get hit there with a BB.

1:26:46No, nobody does. Cheater. Man, you were good today, Mikey. I was on it. He was on it. You slayed it. We were mind-melding. Yeah. Usually I'm not. Here's the problem, man. If I can't think of it right away, forget it. Oh, you're done. Road Warrior had me real nervous. I've never heard of that movie. They had a whole string of them. Road Warrior. Mad Max. Mad Max. Beyond Thunderdome. Beyond Thunderdome. Really? No idea. Tina Turner, Beyond Thunderdome? No. No? Okay. You're a little young for it. Yeah. Is she? That's why I don't play. Hey, can I talk about this on the air, the dog thing? If you must. Did they know? No. No, nobody knows but you. What? Can I talk about it? If you want to. Open a can of worms? I'm going to get lit up, but that's fine. I'm going to have to talk about it. No, we can. I'm used to it. I don't want to. I'm used to it. I'm fine. I'm fine. Are you? Are you just saying that? It's not something that. It's a done deal by any stretch, but it's something that we're pondering. Who's we? My wife and I. Oh. Getting two more dogs. Wait a minute. Yeah. You're about to adopt a child. Let that sink in. How many do you have now? We have five. Five. Four Yorkies and a lab. Why do you need seven dogs? Because we want to rescue these two dogs and save their lives. Oh, wow. That's a lot of dogs to have, especially when...

1:28:20You're going to have a baby. We post it on Facebook. When you're going to have a baby? Yeah. They're trying to adopt a baby. Five and seven, I mean. Five and seven, is there a difference? Not much difference. Two more mouths to feed. Nah, not much difference. Well, and to care for. Uh-huh. Attention and all that. Uh-huh. No problem. Poop. Poop. No problem. Chewing things up. Pros and cons, L.O.B. He's a dog lover. Yeah, that's a pro. So why not the more the merrier? Sure. The dogs may like some more brothers and sisters. That's a good one. The reason it's two, somebody had written me, and they're moving out of the country, and they can't take their dogs, and they know that I'm a dog lover, and they're littler dogs, and they're not big freaking Great Danes or anything, and they're not Yorkies, so they are brother and sister, and they don't want to break them up, and I get that, and I talked about it with Jamie, and she doesn't really want to, but I'm kind of pushing for it. She's going to be the one that takes care of them. No, she won't. Yes, she will. But I don't want anything bad to happen to them or them to go somewhere where they won't be cared for. Ella B? I mean, it's very noble. It's very stupid, too, but I don't care. Isn't it going to leave the little doggies without enough attention? No. Well, they get so much attention. What about the fact that...

1:29:52The house, you're already complaining with the dogs that you have. Yeah. That's the sticking point. 570-1949. It just seems really like a chaotic environment to have seven dogs. I love chaos. What about the baby? The baby might not like that. Yeah. I mean, we'll see. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I mean, that's so far down the road for us. I would say nine months to a year. Probably. I mean, if everything stacks up like it should, that's probably nine months a year down the road. Being in a different place will be, you know, I don't know. I just don't want anything bad to happen to these two. And you're a renter, so you have to keep in mind. Yeah, they don't need to know about that. Yeah, but I'm saying the next time you go to rent a place. Yeah, they don't need to know about that either. These guys don't know. Oh, boy. Let's see. M1 Joe from Kearney Mesa is on the line. and wants to speak to it. Put him on hold, Jay. There we go. There you go. Are you there, Joe? What up? Hi. Am I? I don't hoard anything. I just like to take care of animals that can't take care of themselves. I know, brother, but you can't save them all. Can't save them all. I'm not trying to save them all. I'm just trying to save these two. You got five. You got five. You got a kid coming on the way.

1:31:27You know, there's somebody out there that doesn't have as many responsibilities as you that can take care of those dogs and give them a better quality of life than you can. I know you want to. Yeah. And it's respectable. Are you good? Thank you for the call. Joe, you made every point that I did. I think you're right. Listen, my wife doesn't work. She's at home. But she's looking for a job. Yeah, but this economy, I mean, she hasn't had an interview yet. It's terrible. She hasn't had a callback yet. It's crazy. The show Intervention, and it's Yorkie Intervention. Yeah. They're not Yorkies. Doggy Intervention. Doggy Intervention. They're not Yorkies, but they are dogs. My name is Woods, and you know what? I've been Yorkie-free now for at least a couple of months. I like animals, man. I like animals more than people. I'm down to five dogs, and I feel good about it. I think this time is really going to be different than all the other times I've been to doggy rehab. Really?

1:32:27Possible to be addicted to doggies? Just trying to save some lives, man. Just trying to do the opposite of the Mike Vick bit. I'm not going to electrocute them or hold their heads underwater or anything like that or make them fight. I want to love them and take care of them. Is that weird? I'm the weird one? You're not going to fight Yorkies? No, I'm not going to fight them. I'm the weird one for wanting to save dogs. That would be a strange fight. Our dogs fight. It's funny when they fight. But we don't pit them against each other. It's not a done deal. I'm just mulling it over. Are you? Makes me really sad. H.M. Rojas is on the line. Nice. She asked out her doctor. And when we come back, she's going to tell us what happened. You know what else we're going to do? We're going to play tapes of me from 20 years ago on the radio.

1:33:28When I was a very, very, very, very, very overweight guy, wearing glasses that didn't really have a prescription. Didn't have a prescription. No, there was no prescription in them. I just thought they looked cool. I mortify myself sometimes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Pornucopia of beautiful music this morning, isn't it? Yeah, seriously. Wheatgrass juice is a bit. I'm starting to agree with you. L.O.B., I do it every day. Every day? Yeah, pretty much. Every day. Every day for the last three days? Four days this week. You want magic results? Yeah. And then like probably three or four last week. It's not a cure-all. What's it supposed to do? Yeah. It's supposed to be good for like cleansing out your organs. Don't say the word antioxidants. It's not good for antioxidants. It's a bit. It's very soothing. What does it soothe? Energizes, helps with digestion. Yeah, helps with digestion.

1:35:04How's your digestion? It's not going to knock things out as soon as you take it. I expect to take it and never get a cold. Who's the least healthy person in here, in this room right now? Woods. 100%. Who's the only person in this room that's not sick? Woods. I'm not sick. Aren't you? Woods smokes cigarettes, dips snuff, drinks. He'll probably live to be 98. He's like Keith Richards. You were sniffling earlier. No, I'm just... That was you going... It's the... I have like some... But I don't feel bad. I feel great. I don't feel. I just feel sniffly and stuff. I don't feel achy or anything. Hang on, guys. We've got to talk to, first of all, a couple people. First up, M1 Tin Man from Poway. What was the word of the day? Is that a boy? That's right, it was. You won a pair of tickets to see Vince Vaughn and Kevin James' Comedy Roadshow. Hang on. H.M. Rojas. Oh, yeah. Hello. How are you, my darling? Yeah, H.M. Rojas. She's calling from Chile, right? Or no. Costa Rica. Costa Rica. Yeah. Costa Rica. She listens to us online. And she went to the doctor. And the doctor was a young, like she said, 28-year-old guy. Handsome devil. Viral, attractive. Handsome. And so she went back about a week later after she got over her cold. Asked him out on a date. Balls. Yeah. And he said sure, right?

1:36:36When did you go? Yeah, I said sure. When did you go out? Oh. Okay, we went out. Everything that surrounded it was so chaotic. Okay, so there's a monopoly for phone companies here, and sometimes it just doesn't work. It's called ESA. And my phone didn't work yesterday. And so I get out of work, and I'm like, oh, crap. I've got to get this taken care of. We haven't set up anything yet. So I ended up going to the phone company twice, and it was... Really chaotic, but me and we ended up meeting up for drinks last night, and I'm at work right now. Are you in the bathroom? Are you working at St. Catherine's Cathedral? Are you working in a cave? I'm in my classroom. Are you sure that you're not the secretary for Osama bin Laden inside an Afghanistan cave? H.M. Rojas? Yes. Are you a little hungover this morning?

1:37:35No, I'm fine. Really? I didn't drink that much. Yeah, I'm fine. Are you tired from making love to the doctors? Yeah, let's not get ahead of ourselves. H.M. Rojas. I've just said what everybody wanted to know. Earmuffs to H.M. Rojas' dad that listens. H.M. Rojas? My dad is listening. Your dad is listening. I meant something else. I turned my sisters and my dad on to the show. Last time, they all instant messaged me. They're like, hey, you're on the radio. What's this about a doctor? H.M. Rojas. Yes. Did you kiss him goodnight? No. That's a yes. That's a yes. That's a yes. It was a delay. No, it's a no. No. You did not. No, I don't know. No, we didn't kiss. We made love. We didn't kiss. They did not. Kissing is way too personal. What is this? A pretty woman? No, no. We hung out for like until 1 o'clock, which is pretty bad. Ew. Little minxy. What time did you be at work? I have to be at work at 7.30, so I left my house around 6.45 this morning, and I'm not going to lie. I have caffeine anxiety right now. I'm not shaky. Was it a good date?

1:39:04It was a really good date, yeah. I mean, he was really quiet when I met him the first time, but he was a talker. So, wait, wait, wait. How did it end? Did you hug? I mean, we had hugs and typical Coach Drake and, like, goodbye and kiss on the cheek. But everybody does that here. Did you make a plan to go out again? Yes. We're going to go to a concert this weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's because you have big jugs. Now, do you have, does he, did you flat out ask this man? Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? Yes, I did. I mean, the person who comes and asks her doctor, hey, you want to go out for a drink? You got to expect her to be a little blunt about that. I said, okay, so I have to be honest. You're really attractive and your doctor, you're single, right? He's like, yeah, I'm single. Of course I'm single. I wouldn't be out with you if I wasn't single. Okay, that's good. Why are you single? And he said, well, it's just that I'm studying for my second specialty. And, yeah, I'm really busy. I just don't have time to meet anyone. Wow. That's really awesome. Did he say, so I just want you to know, if this works out, I don't have any time for you. No. He's saying, just be aware that I have a lot on my plate, but I want to make time for you.

1:40:33Is that what he's really saying, Lauren? Yes. He wouldn't go to a concert otherwise. Who are you guys going to go see? He's called Los Cochivos. It's a local band. Of course it is. Yeah, we play them here on 94.9. Who? Los Cochivos. We play them. Los Cochivos? Yeah. Yeah, I love Los Cochivos. It's our 8 o'clock album, Mike. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Los Cochivos. And here's a... Cut from Los Cativos. Yeah. I remember reading these guys the first time in a bar. Seattle. Seattle. Oh, yeah. That's Pepe. He's the lead singer. Pepe's great. He's the next villain. I'll reduce you to him. I love it. I love it. She sounds like she has a new little... She's all tingly and bubbly. Yeah, I threw up one time at the urinal. Crazy story. Okay, but here's a clincher, though. There is a little thing. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just an interesting thing. He's got a kid. He has a daughter, and she lives with her mom, but, you know, still kind of like a daughter. See, that explains why he takes it slow. Yes.

1:42:00By the way, his daughter is 42. No, that explains why he doesn't just date all willy-nilly. He's not in a rush. He's not in a rush to settle down again. If he's going to introduce anyone to his daughter, he's going to be damn sure that she's a fine woman. That's right. He told me that. H.M. Rojas. I talked to him at Indy Jam. Yeah. H.M. Rojas is a good girl. We love her. Don't get yourself in trouble down there, H.M. She won't. I don't want to come down there cracking skulls, all right? Yeah, and don't get all crazy at Los Cotivos. Seriously. She's muy inteligente. You're muy inteligente. Yeah, they're wild. Eat mushrooms. Yeah, I ate mushrooms with those guys one time. Bunch of scandals. Tell you about the time we all went down to Sandals. Sandals. It was me. It was White Apple Tree. And Pepe from Los Cativos. And Pepe. Hey, wasn't Bernie Roman? Pepe wrecked a ski-doo. Ski-doo. Ski-doo. The sea-doo. Whatever. Ski-doo. How do you know? Billy. Billy. Oh, man. Well, let us know. I want you to marry a doctor. That'd be rad. Slow now. That'd be us. You know what he was?

1:43:16And if you marry him, citizenship. She's already got that. She's already got dual citizenship. I just got citizenship like a month ago. Oh, look at you. You rascal. I'm an asset to him because he can get citizenship in the States. There you go. You guys are going to be a power couple. You better turn him on to our show. Yeah, you know I do that. Turn everyone on. Make that right. You're the best, HM. We love you. You do turn everybody on. Oh, boy. Turn us on like a radio. Thank you, HM. Bye, hon. We'll see you later. We love you. I love her. She's awesome. She's so great. That makes my mouth water. Jay played that. Nope. Jay, you are a creep. Mr. Rojas. I'm a creep. Even creepier you heard, Jay. What? Cree. Creep. Cree. Cree. Want to hear tapes of me from 20 years ago? Oh, thank you. More than anything. Jesus. Oh, no! You are real excited at 2 a.m.

1:44:36Because you just hit that post, like... And because you just said... Hit it! Hit it! Yeah, love me like a bomb. Oh, my gosh. Keep going, keep going. More, more, more. Melpitas at 31, 30 degrees downtown. Whoa, downtown. Taking it downtown. Downtown. Downtown. I creep myself out. This is the greatest. This does not sound like it. It's the craziest thing. It sounds like he's holding his nose when he talks. He covers, you know, it's 64 degrees. I picture, like, when you hit the high notes that you're. Your head just like bobbles on a little swivel. It whips, L.A.B. Well, it wouldn't have whipped because I had so much fat surrounding my neck. It's more of a jiggle. It packs some hot dogs. It's like a bag of hot dogs. I was 20 years old, wearing pants my mom made out of a parachute. Out of a parachute. More, more, more. More, more, more, more, more, more. I need more. I got better with time. I need more.

1:46:00Oh, my gosh. KWSS 94.5 is new music from Whitney Houston with Micah Spartan for 616. And I'd like to remind you of something very important. KWSS 94.5 is sweeping out for 1990. Get rid of the prize closet. You can win all kinds of CDs, cassettes, and have Bobby Mercer, Scott Summers, and Dr. Dave clean your house. Here's forever for Danielle in Santa Cruz. Amazing. You want to hear the Scott Shannon? Michael Shannon. Did you say Scott Shannon? Did you say Scott Shannon? Smartest man in the world. Scott. So this is a combination of when I was in Rochester, New York, and when I was Michael Shannon at the light jazz station. I can't. This is the first time we've played the Michael Shannon stuff, isn't it? Uh-huh. Holy cow. Oh, gosh. This is humiliating, man.

1:47:12Gloria Stephan and live for loving you on your favorite radio station on the NSC Radio Network nationwide and a nationwide phone number available for you. It's 800-487-6373. And let me be the first to welcome you to your Friday, your T-G-I-F. O-F-G. Great music on the way for you this hour. Got some go west in the works. Whitney Houston will do I Will Always Love You. And the new song from John Ciccata on the way to First. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Clearly you were putting on a voice there. Yes! You would do that on the air and then you would turn the mic off and be like, hey, what's up, guys? You want some burritos? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, somebody want to order me four pizzas, two things of hot wings. Now, what voice was that? That wasn't Michael Shannon yet. That was Michael Shannon. No, that was Rochester, wasn't it? Yeah, but it was the same thing. How did you do that to your voice?

1:48:18I didn't have to change it. It's called puking, okay? If you talk like this when you're on the radio, it's called puking. It's like you stop the back of your throat up. I was just doing this, though. See, back then, the cool voice. Yeah, when you worked at a station that played slower music, you were supposed to talk like this. And you also had to enunciate your words. You had to enunciate your words and you had to sound like you were a sexy guy. That's right. That's right. You had to smile really big. Because you can hear a smile. They told you if you smile, you can hear it. Sell the smile. Sell the smile. This is L-O-B on Smooth Jazz 97 at Smooth Jazz the Ha. Plus cash and a Caribbean cruise just for listening 9 to 5. K-Wave, 97 FM, and Elton John's new song. It's called The Simple Life. Also, The Four Tops of 1973 and Ain't No Woman Like the One I Got. We heard from Roxette, Glenn Medeiros did Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You. George Michael also in that set. Richard Marks in Right Here Waiting. And Carly Simon started that 30-minute continuous music wave with less talk but Let the River Run. 923, it's Michael Sparza.

1:49:31I hadn't changed it yet. I haven't become Michael Shannon yet. He changed it from Mike Esparza to Michael Shannon. Gloria Stephon on the Miami Sound Machine in one, two, three. It's 16 minutes past the hour with Mike Esparza. Patty Smythe coming up in just a few minutes with her new song called No Mistakes. And a Seattle entrepreneur has found a new way to do business. He's not selling dogs. He's cleaning up after them. Apparently, as the founder of the dog butler, Richard Scott, picks up waste from 500 dogs weekly at 160 homes. He made $45,000 last year alone. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, dude, this is hard to do this. Is it? Oh, it's so hard to play these back. See, you were, like, groundbreaking that back then because you used your real name for a while. Yeah, and I was Mexican. Wow, man. I love it. I love it so much. Oh my gosh. Here's the real embarrassing one. Oh, please. Give it to me. I've heard some of this. Please tell me it's Collar Baby. Oh yeah. Gosh darn, this stuff is hard to play. This is like being nude. Playing this next one is like walking into Horton Plaza and taking all my clothes off. This one's hard to play. This one's hard to play. This one's hard to play.

1:51:02I'm embarrassed for you. I gotta hear it again. One more time, please. Hey, color baby. Hi, Mikey baby. Hey, color baby. What are you crazy? For you. This is like being, so now what it's like is it's like being naked and you're getting, people are throwing stones at you. They're throwing water balloons at you. Yeah, they're throwing water balloons. Hey, naked. Hey, naked guy. Dance. Dance for me. I love it so much. And you know what's funny? At the end of that, when I hit the post, I go, yeah. And I do that to hit the post. You'll hear me go, yeah. Because you hadn't said enough. I hadn't said enough. I needed to hit the post and I needed something. So I go, yeah. Question, question. These tapes, you used to make these tapes and send them off to other stations. Yeah. That's the first cut on the first side of that tape. You're like, this is my goal. This is my goal. Solid gold.

1:52:27I thought that was solid gold. That's probably side A, track A. Oh, yeah. That was my A material. Wow. This was the best I could offer. So you're a PD sitting in your office. You're a PD sitting in your office in Chicago. And this is what comes across your desk. I sent out, and I'm not kidding you. I still remember going to mailboxes, et cetera, and buying 25 bubble-wrapped envelopes. And I sent out 20. five cassette tapes of me. That was a lot of money back then. Yeah. Not one response. That's because they get tons of these. I used to get tons and tons of these and just stack them up. So these are your tapes. I mean, people are asking what's going on. These are your tapes from what year? 1991. 1991. This is Mikey's, what they call it, a skimmer. It was a skimmer tape. Skimmer is, you put a cassette tape in what they called the skimmer, and you hit record, and every time you...

1:53:24hit the microphone and turned it on, it would start to record you. And then every time you turned the microphone off, it stopped recording. So that's what you're hearing. This is me at 20 years old. I'm 40 now. This was 20 years ago. Wow. Okay, I'll do it. Oh, thank you so much. 150 with Mike Aspires in the hot mix. Give me a call. 575-KWSS. Yeah. Oh, gosh. You got to let some more of that tape roll. Oh, I love it. Number one, Josh from North County. Hey, man, you sound great. I don't know why you're calling it on yourself, man. Because I sound... I sound... You have a great radio voice. No matter how bad you distort it. I sound... Like the dorkiest. And you've got to imagine me behind this microphone. Again, I'll get it. Homemade pants with elastic waistband. Now that we can make fun of. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'd be there and I'd be like. Bouncing up and down in your chair. Yeah. Just bouncing up and down. Mullet. Oh, full mullet. I love this so much. Really?

1:54:49Mullet with a spike on top? Yep. Wow. Yeah, mullet with a spike on top. That is, yeah, business on the side. It's like a hockey haircut. You want to hear more of it? Yes. Quick time out. When we come back, I'll play more. Oh, my gosh. Hang around, caller, baby. This is the Bellamy grub. Bellamy. We'll be right back. Who's this, Woods? This is a band called Embrace out of England, and this song was written by Chris Martin from Coldplay. And they recorded it, and he's like, this isn't for us. This is for you guys. He gave it to them. Amazing. Originally written for Coldplay? Yeah. Chris Martin wrote it for Coldplay, and he goes, it just doesn't sound like us. It sounds more like you guys. Handed it over. It was like a number one hit in Britain. It's great. You can hear it being Coldplay. One of my favorite songs. Can't you picture Coldplay doing that? Yeah, I'm in on this. In on it. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Kills. The album's called Midnight Boom.

1:56:12All right, welcome back. It's the Mikey Show, and we're taking you back today. We're real good. Playing my old tapes. The greatest. Could do four hours of this. Oh, not me. I could. Could you, L.O.B.? Makes me come out of my skin. Sure. Yeah, L.O.B.'s like, no. I could listen to it, maybe not for four hours. I could do a four-hour show of just listening to these old recordings. Stretch that S out there, Mike. Try to hit the post. Oh, my God. Sweetie. Your sexual harriser. Pudding. Yes, you are. No. Going to be going to the premiere on the 5th of Century 23. A pretty woman. Congratulations. What station gives you more movies and more music? KWSS. That's right. As we get off with the adventures of Stevie B. Dirty Cash. Oh, my God. KWSS. 94.5. Wow. Dirty Cash. Amazing. Humiliating. It's amazing. Humiliating. It's amazing. I'm surprised you haven't burned these.

1:57:43I like them. I love them. Do one more and we're done. That's it. Oh, God. No wonder you never had intercourse. That is not true. He didn't have intercourse because he was fat, Woods. Not because of that. Okay? Let's be clear. It wasn't because of his terrible DJ-ness. It was Woods? See you later, pal. What is going on? He's a weirdo. Really? You guys ever just drop the hammer on stuff and F up our bits? Where did you go? Nowhere. Oh, my gosh. Wasn't going to go into the room and call as a character or anything, so that's good. Oh, God. Come on. You're making me laugh. I think I'm dying. You call me 575-KWSS. You clowns. You clowns. You clowns. Holy cow. You clowns. What did you think? I was going to the bathroom? I didn't know. Didn't we just discuss this at the break? No. Not really. Yes, we did. By both of you.

1:59:09So, let me see. You got a list of things that should be, Lauren's got a list of things that should be voted out. I do. She came up with this. Now, my thought was, we should be able to put this out to society and have people take a vote if they agree on some of these things. So, these are like issues like legalizing marijuana or abortion, things like that, right? No, just things off the top of my head that we should decide, yes or no, we want these still a part of society. Justin Bieber. Out. Okay, there we go. I say in. Of course you do. It doesn't matter. Well, I feel he's important. He's important. Why? He's important to society. Why is he important? Because little girls love him. They can love a lot of things. Well, it wouldn't have been fair. What if we had voted out David Cassidy? If majority ruled. Would have been a great thing. If majority ruled. If majority ruled, we could vote them out. Yes. They are up for being voted out. That's what it should be called. If majority ruled. Dot, dot, dot.

2:00:09basketball jerseys for the general public. Yep. Out. Out. In. Why? Because I think they look cool. They do not look cool. I've never seen you wear one. Especially on black dudes. That play in the NBA. If I could be a black dude wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a basketball jersey, I think it looks good. Nobody wears t-shirts underneath the jerseys anymore. Yeah, you're right. Okay, so just, if I could be in a band. He'd be that guy that wore the jersey? Yeah. Nobody likes that guy. I like him. I think he looks cool. I don't. I'm with you, LLB. Thank you. Jay's with you. Delaware. What a Delaware. Delaware. Delaware is a pointless state. I'm sorry to all you Delawareans out there, but I've been there. Think about it. Think about it. What good has come out of Delaware?

2:01:10So your point is, what do we know from Delaware? Okay, what we know is Christine O'Donnell, Joe Biden. Come on. What's up with Delaware? I mean, there's no sales tax, but that's because they're trying to get people to move there. I vote in. I'm going to stick with the states in our union. Nah, I think she has a point. Make it part of Pennsylvania. I'm in. I'm in on it. You're in on Delaware? Yeah. Who's in on Delaware? I know a really foxy girl from Delaware. All right, fine. We keep it. We keep it. The Jersey Shore. Not the geographic place, the show. I think I'm out. Out. Yeah. All right. It's done. They're off the air. The middle seat. Out. Oh, out. 1,000% out. The middle seat. Wait a second. Anywhere. In the car, on a plane. You gotta have it. We need it. No, you don't. You don't need it. Rows of two. Why do you need it? Yeah, three rows of two. Because I have three kids. Yeah, what do you have kids? There's rows of two. But then. We have 40 foot long cars. Yeah, I have to get a school bus. The cars doesn't really bother me. The planes bother me. Put less people. Great. Maybe you have less kids. I vote middle seat in. I vote middle seat out. In.

2:02:27No, middle seat made it. Well, we're at a standstill. We're at an impasse. An impasse, exactly. Son of a gun. Palin's on reality shows. Out. Out. Palin's period. Out. Okay, they're gone. Thank goodness, finally. Farmville. Out. Out. Out. Come on, people. It's pertless. Styrofoam. What is styrofoam? Styrofoam, why? I love it. I love it. It's a cheap way to keep things cool, LB. It feels real good. Beg Mac used to taste real good in it. Why do you need to keep it cool in styrofoam? It's cheap. Keep it hot. It's cheap. Who's holding onto their drinks for three hours at a time when you need to keep them cool in styrofoam? Me too. Why? Why don't you use a ceramic cup on a road trip? It's nice in there. Why are you in such a rush to drink your drink? I'm not in a rush, but I don't like styrofoam. Yeah, you are. I love styrofoam. You're in such a rush to drink your drink. I am not. That you won't let it just chill out in styrofoam. I drink things at room temperature unless they're coffee or tea. I vote styrofoam. In. Out. Me too. It's ridiculous. Come on, people. You're outvoted. You're outvoted. No, we're at an impasse. Chris. Are you seeing us? Chris. Up or down? Our tiebreaker. He says out. Out. It's out. It's done. Bunch of hippies in here. Yeah. You know what? I like the earth. I hate it. Aftermarket exhaust pipes for motorcycles. Sorry.

2:03:49M1 Gerald, out. Out, out, out, out. You keep the motorcycle. I like the motorcycle. It's the pipe that's not necessary. M1 Podcast is probably once, well, in four months, he's going to really be irritated. And don't tell me that it's so that people hear you coming because the way that they are, you can't hear it until it's passed. Yeah, and listen, I'm in on motorcycles. I think they're cool, but those are loud, you know. Especially if you have to warm them up for three hours. Yeah. Maybe why do you have to rev when you drive past an outside patio with a bunch of chicks outside? Why do you have to rev your thing really loud? Because it does feel good. You don't have a motorcycle. I do have a motorcycle. You do? I have, but it's a dirt bike. It's got a big pipe on it. Last one. This is extremely passive-aggressive. Paper timesheets. It's directed at Lincoln Financial Media. It's directed at Lincoln Financial Media. I'm out. Paper timesheets in general. Think about all the paper and the trees that could be saved. Why do we fill out timesheets? I love you, Lincoln Financial Media. I love you too. Now, if you're going to have hourly employees, stuff like that, I get the timesheet. Why paper? Just go digital. You can do hourly people on digital, I'm pretty sure. Can't you? Hey, okay, you be the hourly guy. I'll be the guy logging in your payroll stuff. How many hours do you work today? 40.

2:05:12Or eight. I gotta ask you guys this question, though. Don't I fill out the timesheets for you? All you have to do is sign them. It doesn't matter. You print them, and it's a sheet of paper. Five people every two weeks. That could save... That's just our show. One thousandth of a bush. No. Say way more than that. A bush. Good. But we don't use bushes for paper anyway. You guys. Love her spat. Let's hear it. What's his on-one today, man? Man, isn't he? What's up with him? His team won. His team won last night. He's still manstruating. He's on his myriad. Yeah, he's on his myriad. I'm going to give him a man-pon. He's all grumpy. Mansingill. He needs some Mansingill. Hang on a second.

2:06:26I think the Filet Fern is calling in. Oh, no. Hello. Is this the Filet Fern? Hi, Filet Fern. Hey. Sorry we're late getting to you. After you do one of those songs, I'm going to run in the other room and do that thing. You ever make a big deal out of it? Yeah. 20 minutes? I don't think that's exactly what was said. We said do it at this brain. Yeah. Do you ever just see something shiny and forget? Hey, Filet Fern. Yeah. Does the Filet Fern ever just carry on about it for 25 minutes? Filet Fern, are you related to EBW? Do you guys ever just forget stuff and make your colleagues look like an a-hole? I didn't forget. Didn't you get off on him too, Lauren? No, I was going by the schedule. Well, I thought we just made some adjustments. No. But hopefully we are not. Well, late burn, you're not part of the show. Is it Mikey Baby? Yeah, yes, it's Mikey Baby. Hi, Mikey Baby. Yes, I have embarrassing tapes from the past. Hey, Mikey.

2:07:39Yes. Maybe you make some more baseball predictions. How about that? Okay, Filet Fern, I get it. The sole purpose. I can't see too well. What? Is that Chris Berman over there? I can't see too well. Is that Joe Bach? Yes, Filet Fern. Your job is to filet us. The sole purpose of the Filet Fern is to light us up. Hey, L.O.B., ever forget to close your laptop? I just watch my coworker Woods and I just follow suit. Close it and stuff. I do forget sometimes. Hey Woods, maybe you read the news stories. That's true. It's true. That is true. I'm going to throw up. Nice shoes. Did you steal those from your teenage son? You going skateboarding later? Yeah, Philippa and I am. You just hanging out? I am. I hate the Philippa. What? I heard you're going to Haiti.

2:08:39Yes. Well, maybe take a hot plate with you. I wouldn't want you to get a laptop burned while you're over there. Oh. Wow. Hey, Mikey, nice mustache. You have a shaving accident? You've been shaving, or you've been shaving for what, like 25 years? I hate you. I hate you, Flayfern. LLB, do you ever complain about the temperature in the studio? I do, and you know what? So does my coworker, Woods. Hey, Woods, do you ever complain about the temperature in the studio? Yeah, I do, Filet Fern. You guys ever gang up on your boy Wood? Sometimes we do. Hey, Filet Fern, you ever a little sensitive over there? Maybe take seven weeks off and leave your boy here in the trenches because he knows for me too. I need an ally. That was an overreaction. Thanks, Filet Fern. You are something else. You are. Holy cow. He's very pleasant today, that Filet Fern. I'm exhausted. Oh my gosh. Oh boy. Filet fern. Today has exhausted me. I'm beat. What did you guys do during the break? I ate oatmeal. I feel like I've really, today, I've really worked on the air. I know, me too, dude. Yesterday's show was a turd. Yes, it was. Was it? It was terrible. I thought it was alright. Was it?

2:10:01Terrible. We ever hardened ourselves? I thought it was okay. You did not. You said afterwards with me and Lauren that you thought it was terrible. No, I didn't. I swear I didn't. We thought it was a D. You guys did. I gave it a B minus. You did not. I swear. I swear. I said D, and you agreed. Oh, no. I didn't shake my head or anything. I promise. I thought it was good. I thought we were funny. I didn't shake my head. Or anything. Or anything. I wouldn't pay attention, probably. Holy cow. That filet fern will get you. Weird. I am going skateboarding later. I know. He knows, I mean. You know, I have to say, it isn't what she says, it's how she says it. I'm talking about Paris Hilton. And I don't, you know, listen, you criticize me. I'm just being honest with you. I enjoy the sound of her voice. Ditto. I can't stand what she says, but I like the sound of her voice. If that girl called you, oh, all the way in. Like, I answered the phone, hey, this is Woods. No way. Are you okay? Jeez. Thank God. Woods is like, you should just take your clothes off and come over. Weird, weird. What about...

2:11:27Yeah, I think she's real cute, man. I've been really in on her lately. I don't know why. Her voice is really hard to imitate. I've tried it. I think you do a pretty good Paris album. Yeah, it's kind of Sabrina-esque. But sometimes she does two different things with her voice, depending on what she's trying to do. Baby talk sometimes. Yeah. And sometimes she does. And sometimes she gets kind of deep. Yeah. She's like Liza Minnelli. Yeah. Sometimes she just gets deep. It was so scary. It was so scary. That is without a doubt my favorite new voice of the last eight weeks. Liza Minnelli. It's the great. Who knew? I'm in my car. I'm like, see? And I can't do it, but I like to do it anyway. Who knew I could look at Liza Minnelli? That's great. It'll come in handy in so many situations. Absolutely. Like at, you know, Tony parties and stuff. Yeah. Drag queen parties. For sure. Safe place some people don't even lock their doors. I think now they do but it's just scary that someone would just come into my home like that where I always feel so safe. I really have security. I've installed the best security systems available. Laser beams. Cameras. Laser beams. Laser beams. Flying saucers.

2:12:42Little aliens running around with guns. There's a moat now. We dug a moat. Leprechauns. Two alligators. There's a drawbridge. Not everybody knows the code. Alligators. I love her. I do. I'm sorry. I have flying blue monkeys. I just can't keep watch over my place. I called blue monkey lasers. Sharks with lasers on their heads. Yeah, I called this company called Sharks with Lasers on Their Heads. I'm friends with OJ, so he just kind of stands watch. He will cut you. I stand there with a big old knife and I just protect Paris. That's right. That's hot. He's scary. I do that when I'm not looking for the real killer. That's right. What if you did it? I didn't do it. That's why I was looking for the real killer yesterday on the back nine. Did you find him? But I did slice one of them. That's kind of inappropriate. I'll rephrase that. I heard you had a wicked slice. That's right. Oh, boy. You have a killer game. Wow. Oh, man. He is a killer on the golf course for sure. You got off scot-free. He murders the ball off the tee. You get away with murder every time you come off the golf course. That's right. Yeah, you guys are so funny, man.

2:14:10Heard about the guy in Portland that got his eyeballs tattooed. True story. Wood says, now Wood says, oh, look at me. I want attention. Look at me. We come back, we'll tell you all about this guy, what he did, why he did it, what he tattooed on his eyeballs. We'll do it next. This is Cutlass. Cutlass is going to be doing a concert. That I will be at, and I don't even know what I'm doing there. I don't actually know that I'm emceeing. I said that the other day, but I don't even know if I am. I don't think I am. In fact, when I talk to the folks from outside the bowl, I think I'm going to tell them, I want to be there. I want to get up and say something. Please don't make me emcee. Please don't make me emcee. I'm not a good emcee. Please. I'm not a good emcee. Please. You're like, I thought I was drumming for Cutlass. I thought I was drumming. Apparently, I am not. I'm not? I'm not drumming? Is that the deal? Am I not playing rhythm? I thought I was...

2:15:20Singing. I thought I was going to get to sing that night. Buy tickets to this thing because it's going to feed a lot of very, very hungry children by you buying tickets. OutsideTheBowl.org. It's the organization that I'm going to Haiti with. And you know what I'm going to tell you about that? I'm going to tell people this because it's kind of exciting. We're going to do something different. Usually. What we do, and I'm not even going to tell you when this is happening, but usually what we do when we go on a break is we do best of. We're not going to this time. We're going to tape for you full shows. Yes. I've never heard of it being done. I'm so excited. I've never heard of that being done in radio. I've never heard of it being done. So what you hear will be us. It will be material put together specifically. for those days, which I won't even tell you when they are. I had a question about that. What are we going to do for callers? We won't. So it'll just be us? Maybe we'll tell people, maybe we'll make an announcement on M1 site when we're doing them, when we're recording them, and then call in. I'd love that. That would be rad. Gosh, you're good, pal. Dude, all I know is that that's going to be such a fun experience. It is. It really is. And it's going to be cool.

2:16:44Anyway, get ready for that. It's coming at you live. Good night. I'm Mikey. It's Woodsy. It's L.O.B. Sienna will be back on Tuesday. So soon. She's our news girl. Can't wait to have her back. Jay is our producer and our phone screener. It's Cross. It's Cross. And don't forget about our 8th anniversary bash, FM 94.9's 8th anniversary bash, which you can get tickets for. by going to FM949SD.com. I'm going to sing there and do a song. It's going to be a great show. You're going to rock out. Do you think that our program director, Garrett, would allow me to be a part of that thing but not do that? What? No. You've got to sing. You're not even penciled in anymore. You're tattooed in. We've been telling people it's going to happen. You can't back out now. What if I did something cooler? What's cooler than that? What would be cooler? What would be cooler? Cartwheels? I don't know. Nothing. Parachute in. I bet you he'd go for that. To fourth and B. Good luck. Land on the roof. What was that? Mikey's on the roof. Mikey's here. See you later. Okay, great. No, you need to sing. You're singing. You're singing. You're going to sing. I'll do something else more special. More special. Mikey, you're singing. It'll be even more special than that. You're singing Surrender by Cheap Trick with the FM9.

2:18:10FM9? FM94.9 House Band. You can say it. Alright. Yes, you are. Okay. I will then. I will shame you into it. You won't even be there. I know. Is that why you don't want to do it? But I was supposed to play guitar and stuff with them and I can't now, so great. I don't want to do it because I already feel like I'm going to look like a fool. You're not. You're not. You're going to look great. You're going to look sharp. Dapper. What do I wear? Jeans and a pearl snap. That shirt you wore yesterday? Done. What do I wear underneath it? Nothing. Okay, great. Button it up to about here. Put your medallion. My medallion? You put your medallion on there. The medallion that I usually wear. I'll just wear that normal. Which medallion? The burrito medallion. The burrito one. Okay, not the banana one? No. What about the pepper one? Or the hot pepper. The hot jalapeno pepper. No, no, no. It's a habanero. It's a habanero. Yes, wear your habanero medallion. My habanero medallion. I'll wear. Of course. With nothing else.

2:19:13There you go. It buttons up, so you button up to about here and you're fine. You let it flow. Let it flow. The four hairs that I have on my chest. Strut your stuff, dude. By my stuff, you mean my breasts that I have as a man. Strut your stuff. Moves. Moves. Strut your stuff. I want to squeeze them. You can do it. I know you can't. Yeah. Sometimes I look at myself now that I've gotten my eyebrows waxed and I go, you're cute. They look very nice. You look sharp. You're a sharp dude. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I go, you're cute. Here's the deal. I can see why Rebecca would kiss your face. Here's the deal. If you and I were both single, okay? And we were doing this show and we were hanging out all the time. We're both single, right? You really need to go there? I had a dude. Everyone shut up. I had a girl coming in town and she's like, well, I kind of want to come down and visit you, but I want to bring a friend. I'd be like, dude, bring your friend for my friend Mike. You couldn't do that. Thousand percent? No way. If L.O.B. was your friend, and was that girl's friend, and she said, hey, you know Woods, right? And L.O.B. would be like, yeah. And he goes, he's got a friend. And she'd be like, really? Yeah. And then she came there, and I'm like, hey, how you doing? She'd be like, where the hell's the friend? Here's the deal. What I would do is I would go ahead and put her in touch with you about a week prior, let you work some of your magic. So that I could be.

2:20:35I would get her in by my personality. You're still talking about me. I'd never go for that. You wouldn't go for the talking on the phone? No. Why not? You wouldn't? Awkward. Awkward? Why would we do that? Oh, yeah, because she, I would. But you hate the phone. Well, she doesn't, yeah. I'm not going to. set up, like, I'm just going to be in town for the weekend. I'm going to, like, set up a closed deal for when I get there. No, no, no, no. You don't have to slay him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like that. It's like, hey, we're all going to be hanging out. Your friend is single. She's coming out. You're coming out to visit with her. Let's just see how it goes. Boy. With the pressure and the phone call. Oh, boy. Get. It is a lot of pressure. Not at all. It's kind of strange. Well, why would she be calling me, or why would I be calling her? Hey, I heard you're coming to town. I hope we're going to be hanging out. We've got to hang out with Steve and his new girl. That isn't weird. We're the wingmen. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Before I met Kim, I talked to her on the phone. I could close that deal in a second. You know how you do it? In a second. You do it when she's over there, and you go, hey.

2:21:34Let me let my friend talk to your friend. Your friend's there right now? That's how you do it. You don't set it up. Not pre-planned. But yeah, hell, is she there? Is she there? Talk to my friend. Talk to my friend. What are we, in seventh grade? Yes. Yeah, kind of. We're all grown up little kids. That's the way we really are. I would go, I need to keep my options open. If I'm out in the club. We're not getting married. Yeah, I'm not going to propose. Yeah, but what if I'm out that night and someone wants to talk to me? I feel obligated to talk to this phone guy. Shouldn't you? No. You're from out of town. Maybe you don't hook up with some dude that's like Johnny. Some random. Yeah. Maybe that's all I'm looking for. That would make you mad, huh, Woods? If you're... If some girl was flying to town, brought her friend, and that friend was on the prowl for dudes in town. That's happened to me before. Really? You've been that guy before. What do you mean? You go with a friend to visit someone and guarantee you close business with a random girl from that city. Instead of the girl's friend? Yeah. I've done both ways, yeah. I've closed business with her and I've closed other business. Stranger business? Strange. I have not because I'm...

2:22:38I wasn't capable this is what cracks me up about Woods Woods goes oh yeah I've worn a dorky shirt and closed business and I'm like Woods you closed business despite the dorky shirt it wasn't see he'll attribute things he'll be like no no no I can you know I can wear those pants I can wear white pants yeah I have white pants and like Girls love it. I'm like, no, dude. They like you in spite of the white linen pants. They're not linen. I'm going to wear them. They're badass. Wait till you see them. Easy, Miami Vice. No, they're sharp. I got them for when I went to Hawaii. And they were so cool. My brother was like, I'm going to wear those. Let me wear those tonight. Let me wear those tonight. You don't worry about us. Those Woods boys close biz, all right? Yikes. That's scary. Close it real good. I guess. Coffee's for closers. We were drinking coffee, pal. Yeah, that's because you're good looking. No, I'm not good looking. Not because you were wearing gay white linen pants. I got a little mouthpiece on me. That's about it. That's it. Doesn't have to do with those pants, bro. Don't mean to break it to you. You and your white pants. They're sharp. I'm telling you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Julio Iglesias. Like Burt Reynolds. Yeah, like Burt Reynolds. Fine. You can compare me to those guys. Those guys slayed a lot.

2:24:10You drive your Corvette to Hawaii? 100%. Just wait until you see them. You'll love them. I'll wear them. You know what? Tomorrow's Friday. Wear them next time Michael Bolton's in town. I'm going to wear them tomorrow with a live studio audience. Please do. Please do. Wait until you see me tomorrow. You're going to be like, dude, you're right. You look sharp. More than likely. Should I wear them? I know it's after Labor Day. I don't need that bit, but I'm wearing them tomorrow. Definitely. I don't need that bit. Do you have any top-siders you can wear with them? I don't have top-siders. With no socks? I'll show you exactly what I wore. Pink polo? Yeah, a pink. Yeah, do you have a salmon button down? No, but you do. I do not have a salmon. Don't you? But I will bring, I'll wear them tomorrow and you guys will be like, oh, you look good. I never doubted the validity of the white pants. Takes a guy with a giant, what? Takes a guy with big balls to wear that. Yeah, it does. It does. And if you can pull it off, it's like the guy that wears a seersucker suit. Yeah. And you see him, you're like, you dork. And then you're like, damn it. You're cool. You're so cool because I can't do it. Do you hang those pants on your Patrick Nagel?

2:25:12As I'm eating pesto and snorting cocaine. Yeah. I don't think anybody gets that. Duran Duran Rio album. But I love it. All right. So listen to this. Tell me what you think. Oh, yeah, yeah. Tell me about the tattooed eyeball guy. Yeah, there's this guy in Portland. Blah. Blah. Matt Gaughan is his name. And most of his body is covered with checkerboard tattoos. Because why not? What's his name? Matt Gaughan. G-O-N-E. Close enough. Close enough. That'll work. He decided that I want to tattoo my eyes, my eyeballs. And that was not smart. The doctors believe he has gone too far. It could lead to an infection or blindness or even cause him to lose his eyes. Why would somebody do it? I need attention. Look at me. They must have taped them open. They say what color?

2:26:14Probably the checkerboard. Nope. Checkerboard. He said his whole body is covered in a checkerboard. Oh. Yeah. Just maybe not, dude. You got your whole body. You're fine. I wonder who that tattoo artist was. Probably a buddy of his, but you should have to check with the doctor. He did it himself. He did it himself? Yeah. He injected ink into both of his eyes by himself. Oh, it makes me... Okay. Percentage of chance. that that man does not hold mental problems. 0%. There's 0% chance? One in four people do hold mental problems. Crazy. I was starting to ask it, and then I'm like, don't we all to some extent? I do. I'm a lunatic. I mean, we're all kind of weird. One in four. It's one of us. Lauren O'Brien itches all show long. That's because I have a condition. No, you don't. I'm going to the doctor today, and you're going to eat those words. The girl itches every day, Woods. She doesn't have anything wrong with her, though. There's nothing wrong with her. She won't itch, and then you'll go, hey, Lauren, are you itching? And then all of a sudden, she'll start itching. I was itching before. I'm not itching as much anymore. I did get rid of those pantry moths, so maybe it was something to do with that. She is something else, man. Something else. That little itch could be telling you something.

2:27:37Yeah. Listen to this. Mikey, I have a good one for you. I'm a first year student at SDSU. I got a Facebook message from my professor asking if I needed help studying. Is this weird or is he just being nice? Nice. Kind of think he's hitting on me, but to be honest, I could use the help. My grades are not that great. Thanks for your help, M1 Joel. Oh. Yeah, guy. Oh, wow. Because I was going somewhere else with this. He should sleep with him. To get a good grade. Felty. Oh, man. He's just being nice, I think. Like you guys never done it. He's a guy. His grades are bad. His male professor writes him and asks him if he needs help studying. Is that professor being nice? He's reaching out to him. He's being nice, I think. Reaching out to him, all right. Grabbing a handful. Thousands of students. Maybe he sees a little bit of himself in this student. More than likely.

2:28:43He sees a little bit of himself in this student. Yeah. I bet he does. Oh, my God. That's the greatest line of the day. Wow. Jay, that was your coup de grace, my friend. And scene. And scene. I would leave right now. This is so brilliant. I want to put Jay in Tupperware and just put him away for a while. Yeah. I'll take him out. Jay, take a few days off. So I'll put him in Tupperware and just put him away for a little bit. And then after a while, I'll open him up and see if he's still spoiled. He'll be fresh. Yeah, maybe he'll be fresh. Yeah, that's not usually what happens. It usually goes the other way. It goes the other way. I need to put him in a salad spinner. Yeah. And just douse him with fresh water. Let's put him in a crisper. And put him in the crisper. He skeeves me out. That's one of the greatest lines I've ever heard. Did one-liner. That was so great. So great. I supplied. You teed it up, Ella. I teed it up. You should knock it out. I'm going to knock it out of the park. I mean it that way. Didn't you? Saying maybe he. Say it again. I think it's unusual that the guy wrote him like that. I think it's unusual.

2:30:02Could be. LLB, you were in college. I was in college and Jay was in college, but that was in the 30s. But we didn't have internet and all that stuff. Like, I'll never forget. Jay just had stones. I had internet. We had email. We didn't have Facebook. I will never forget. I went to the Notre Dame library because I went to school across the street. And of course, if I'm going to study, I'm going to go to the Notre Dame library. And somebody was like, you got to see this thing. I'll never forget. I was like. Oh, my God. And I put in, I'll never forget, my first search was Oasis guitar chords because I want to learn some songs. Printed them out and was like, this is the greatest thing ever. But we didn't have the professors with, like, the online class. All these things now, man, that may be pretty commonplace for professors to say, hey, dude, you really bricked on your last test. I can help you out. And, I mean, I don't think it's that big a deal. Facebook's a little bit untraditional. Like, it's weird that he didn't just go through the scsu.edu channel. The email. Yeah. Oh. You know what? I grazed over that. Yeah, he Facebooked him. The Facebook part? Creep. You think? Oh, I grazed over that. I don't think the professor should necessarily. That's creepy. I don't know if he should be friends with his students. There was a story I saw the other day about principals are telling their teachers, do not be friends with your students on Facebook. Do not. I don't think you should. And I don't think you should either. That's a little weird.

2:31:27professor is listening right now, I'm sorry. That probably wasn't very nice of me. Because I don't know. Maybe he's really altruistic and he's nice and he's just being nice. But I do think it's very, very, very, very unusual. That's just my opinion. I kind of agree. I think it's unusual to hit your student up on Facebook, your male student, even your male and be like, hey, do you need some help? It would have been creepier if she was female, right? No. Why is it? Let me ask you guys this. That'd be great. Okay, and let's play out this scenario. Let's say there is a... If you don't know that guy's gay, if that's a gay move, and you don't know that that kid's gay... How do you know he is? How do you know he's gay? The professor? I don't, but I'm saying, okay, if it's creepy, then it means that he wants this guy. Yes, he wants to sleep with the guy or something. Right, but if you don't know anything about this guy... then you shouldn't be hitting them up on Facebook and being like flirty flirty. I kind of agree with you that Facebook's a little weird. Like if there was a girl in town that wanted radio advice and I emailed her and said, yeah, I'd be happy to help you or give you any pointers or whatever. Different. Or if I Facebooked her, that's different to me for some reason. If a guy hit you up on Facebook though and was asking for pointers on radio, I wouldn't think that there was something up. Well, and that's, radio is a lot less of a formal, you know.

2:32:43Yeah. I'm not their boss. I'm not their teacher. The teacher is kind of like a boss thing. It's like a boss student teacher thing. Yeah, and it's just a, ooh, you can get into some really sticky, sticky, sticky stuff. Literally. I didn't say it. Nice work, Woods. Thanks, buddy. Taking the heat off me. Maybe there's room for both of us in that type of air. 100%. Spin us. M1 Craig from Carlsbad. Craig. Hi. Are you there? Hello. Hi, you're on the air. I was going to say that I took an anatomy class a while back, and, you know, I'm a young guy. My teacher was this young, attractive, blonde lady. Yes. Young lady. It's every guy's dream, dude.

2:33:37And she was my anatomy teacher. Oh, boy. Love that. I only did that for one semester. Really? I would have gotten, I would have sat in the front of your class. I'm not saying that necessarily, I'm not necessarily saying that, oh, it's creepy that they were adding each other, that they were student teacher. I just find it unusual that this professor is like, hey, do you need any help studying? And he hits him up on Facebook. By studying, I mean making love. I was friends with my teacher on Facebook. Would you have been friends with her if she was a 65-year-old man? I am friends with another one of my teachers on Facebook. We don't talk as much, but that's because I don't really feel like talking about math with him. Listen, it isn't that I think that it's strange that you're friends with your teacher. I don't think that's strange that you're Facebook friends with your teacher. It could go sour, though. That is playing a little bit with fire. What I do think is strange is when your teacher hits you up and says, Do you need help studying? That's not what he said. Isn't it? That's how you're interpreting it. What if what he said was, Hey, I notice you're having some problems. Would you like some help studying? Hey. Wouldn't you say that every class, though? I notice that you're having some trouble.

2:35:04Maybe he was grading papers and was like, I'm going to hit him up on Facebook and see if he needs to help. I'm sitting here pantsless looking at his pictures and I'm going to shoot him a Facebook message. I want to hear about this guy's anatomy teacher. Did he try to make it right with her? She has a boyfriend. I wish, but we would definitely talk about school and she would, you know. Anatomy? She would hit me up and she would say, hey, make sure you get this study guide. I don't think it's a weird thing at all. Keep working that lead, pal. Keep working that lead. I don't think it's weird. I just think it's weird. Keep working that lead. Keep working that lead. If your teacher flirts with you, that's weird. That's weird. I don't think Craig has a problem with it. M1 Bowling from Escondido. Hey, what's up, show? What's up? I agree with the words. This guy's probably sitting at his computer pants with him. Oh, gosh. You guys. He's just glad he didn't poke him, right? What is that? I know, but what does it mean? It used to be to, like, just get... It was cool when it first started. Was it? You just get someone's attention.

2:36:15People poke me and I'm like, what are you doing? Against your will? On Facebook. Whenever I've seen that, I'm like, what? I just X it out most of the time. Jamie does it to me and I do it to her as a bit. Yeah, I've done it as a bit. I've gotten in poking wars with people. They poke you, you poke them back. I got in a poking war last night. Too much. It's too much Jay today. Too much Jay. He's making me so uncomfortable. Out of your skin? Yeah, it's too much. What is this? Oh, yeah. What is this? Read it. It's on there. Sweetly. Oh, it's no doubt. No doubt. No doubt. You don't like this? I do. I'm screaming. An 11-year-old girl in Nebraska got kicked off the cheerleading squad for, quote, not shaking her booty. Wait till you hear this. So 11-year-old kid in Nebraska got kicked off of the cheerleading squad. Why, Woods? Sabrina Frampton said her daughter, Failene, was told last week she's no longer part of the junior cheerleading squad in Ashland, Nebraska, because she said, I don't really like this cheer and I don't want to shake my booty. And they are supposed...

2:38:12to shake their booty. It's jump, shake your booty, jump, jump, shake your booty. You had to yell that. Let me do it again. Jump, shake your booty, jump, jump, shake your booty. And she goes, I don't want to do that, and I don't want to shake my booty. And she said, all right, you're out of here. Maybe you wait to shake your booty. Send her home in tears, bro. No way. It's part of a dance routine. Jump, shake your booty, jump, jump, shake your booty. There's 50% of people that are like, oh, please, get over yourselves. Well, the little 11-year-old girl is the one that said it. That's the thing, Jay. It's not like her parents told her out. She was uncomfortable. Yeah. Well, then she shouldn't be a cheerleader. Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. I'm serious. I mean, as a cheerleader, you're cheering the team on. Jump shake your booty, really? Why is shaking your booty important to cheering the team on? Because you shake your booty. You don't have to. Not when you're 11. Yeah, shouldn't you be just kicking and, you know? Beat. Aggressive. B-E. Aggressive. B-E-E-T-G. But I'm not comfortable with shaking my booty, so I can't. You're moving your body. What if they don't want to dance? No, that's not. Aren't you shaking the pom-poms and you're kicking? And the lyrics say, shake your booty. I'll sing it one more time. Jump, shake your booty. Jump, jump, shake your booty. I don't think you're doing it right. LLB, is that how it goes? I think that's a song. Jump, shake your booty. Jump, jump, shake your booty. Jump, shake your booty. Jump, jump, shake your booty. Better when she does it.

2:39:34I don't see a problem. Be aggressive. Be aggressive. B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E. Be aggressive. Be aggressive. Were you a little cheerleader? No. I wanted to be. Me too. My dad said no. You're playing soccer. Your dad said no? Yeah. Why? You want me to shake my booty? Yeah. Somebody would get hurt. My wife, when we do these stories about, you know, parents freaking out about this, she gets so mad because she was a cheerleader. She was captain of the cheerleaders. Thank you very much. She was a cheerleader as well. She gets so mad. She's like, that's just what they do. That's what they do. I'm like, I don't care, dude. Do whatever you want. It's hard to have rhythm, you know. Yeah. You either have it or you don't. Yeah, I do not. You to manicure. I can't wait. Come on, fellas. Listen to this. This is so awesome. It's happening a week from tomorrow. And what we're going to do is we're going to take a couple dudes with us. Now you get to take, you know, a dude friend. You have to take a dude friend. You got to take a dude friend because it's you to manicure. That's right. It's all guys. Manly men. Yeah, manly men. And what we're going to do is we're going to take you to get a straight razor shave from Two Roses Barbershop in Logan Heights first. Yes. But then we're going to go and we're going to get mampered.

2:40:59Man pampering. Man ponds, the whole bit. Massage, pedicure, facial from Urban Skin Care, and Bee Beauty Boutique in Little Italy. Sounds so manly. We're going there in a stretch hummer from Rockstar Limos. Yes. Rockstarlimosd.com. Divas. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Now, if you want to go, go to mikeyshow.com, and you have 200 letters or less to write us a poem. Tell us why you should get to join us. You to man. You and a buddy. Two winners plus their buddies. We're going to make it right. Bring your man panion. Yeah, bring your man panion. Man panion. Jay is on it. You guys are on it. I'll go produce. You should sit right here. I'll go produce. Hey, listen. Little is just fine. He was throwing too many of those at me. Manpanion. Manpanion's fine. That's brilliant. Yeah, that's cute. It's brilliant. But he was skeeving me out with his Uncle Jay routine a minute ago. Routine. And he's doing his bits. Lauren, can you please text me after you leave the dermatologist? Yes. Me too. I'm dying to know what's up with you. I'm sure it's nothing. No, no text. Save it.

2:42:20Really? We've got to save it for the air. We have to. Because there's nothing wrong with her. Nothing. She started to scratch again. All the stupid symptoms are going away. Weird. We've never seen anything, like, physical on her skin. Yuh-huh, I showed you those three things that look like bites. Yuh-huh. When? Like a week ago. Yuh-huh. She's like seven. Yuh-huh. Yuh-huh. I don't remember seeing anything. I did. I saw that. Whoa, whoa. If you scratch on yourself long enough, you can't make little red things. No, they're little tiny bumps. They're fleas. It's no big deal. That is a big deal for someone that doesn't have any pets. Let's see. Oh, the rain, by the way, is supposed to be done today. They say. Prove it. They.com. They.net. How long has it been? It's been here four days now, right? Yeah. I haven't heard anything about the rain going away. Serena, you don't do the weather, though. I do. That's what I'm here for. But you don't do it. Every time I ask you, you look out the window. You just say what you see. So I have to make a game time call. It's really stuffed up today. A game time call? Yeah. A game time call. All that is is you looking out the window. It's called an audible. Take the sunglasses off. You take your sunglasses off. Let's see. Oh, hey, let's give a shout out to the dude that's doing the...

2:43:44He's cleaning the windows over at Hazard Center. He's one of our listeners. Did we see him? Yeah, we saw him. You guys saw him? Yeah, we saw him out there. I didn't see him. You guys didn't tell me. Yeah. Shoot. Well, be careful up there, pal. Be careful, yeah. Hold on tight. Okay. Topic jar. You ready? Yeah. How many people in this room could you beat at arm wrestling? None. L-O-B. All of them. I think I could beat all of you. No, let's go. Let's go, Jay. Right now? Hell yes. Right now? Let's see. I hope this isn't embarrassing. He's 47, I'm 40. Where do we do it? Right here. Oh, wow, that's not going to help anybody. Right here, right here, right here. Uh-oh. Ladies and gentlemen. There we go. How do we do it? Right here. Here, you need a pad. Here, here, here. Use this. This is perfect. There you go. Jay and Mikey. Getting queued up on the corner there. You want to take me on, LLB? No. Yeah, easy, Harold. I'm not bad, actually. There we go.

2:44:49Ready? And three, two, one. Oh, Mikey got smoked! I mean, smoked. Wow. Before one fully left my mouth, you were down. Jay's freakishly strong. I am. He's freakishly strong. Oh, I know. I'm pretty strong. Oh, my God. Dude, do I have to wrestle L.O.B.? Yeah, yeah. Arm wrestle Jay Woods. No way. You'd break my arm. Holy cow. You'd break my arm. What are the rules? freakishly strong. I bet L.O.B. gives you a run for your money. You got to hold it. Yeah, you got to do that. One, three. Oh my gosh. Come on. I was like, ooh, I'm strong. I was holding it, letting her get a little taste. Jay, there was not even a, there wasn't even a contest. He smoked me. He's a man's man, dude. He's got muscles in there, man. Yeah, he does. We'll have to put him up against M1 Harold. No way. Oh, my God. Harold would kill him. Yeah. Harold's a state champion. Yeah. Yeah. He's a beast. He's a killer. He's always... I'm like, don't touch me, dude. Well, that's the thing. Like, when Harold says, hey, I'll arm wrestle you, it's like...

2:46:04It's like a black belt in karate going up to the average person on the street and being like, hey, want to go on karate? Yeah, I mean, it's like you going, hey, you get on the air and you run the show for four hours. Yeah, be like me saying to Harold, like, hey, Harold, I'll take you in a DJ contest. It's like, well, you do it for a little. Let's say you're a professional. He would break your arm. Oh, yeah. I want to see L.O.B. against Sienna. Oh, she would beat me. Would she? She's pretty strong. Yeah? Our wrestling sucks. I hate it. The rain is done today. They say the rain is leaving today. Thank goodness. I played a song for Woodsy. He was downloading it. Was it a picture? Yeah, don't say that on the radio. I'm not allowed to spend any more money on iTunes. Great, now I'm in trouble. You ever call your boy out real good? Yeah, but it's a good song. It's worth it. It's really good. I liked it. This always reminds me. I listened to this song. in Las Vegas. Rebecca and I were standing in this room and the shower had glass that you could see out but you couldn't see in. So I'm looking out and I see all the Vegas skyline. And that was the trip that we found out that Rebecca was pregnant with the twins. Nice. It's so cool. Hi, honey. Come say hi on the mic. Just what she said she didn't want to do? How come you don't like to?

2:48:42You know what? I feel more comfortable being on the phone. Really? Yeah, because being on the phone, it's just like I talk to you guys every day. Yeah. But being here, it's weird that I'm talking into a microphone. Is that mic crackling? Yeah, it is. I wonder if we got a blown thing on there. We might have a blown. Brand new mic? Brand new? Hey, partner, come on. You got to relax. Don't force it. You're going to blow out your O-ring. Yeah, exactly. It's an O-ring. That's supposed to be the O-ring. Holy crap. Wow. I don't know what it is. How'd that happen? I don't know, but. That's a new mic. Brand new. What'd you do? I don't know. What'd you do? I don't know. Huh. You did something. That's Sienna's mic, too. She's going to be stoked. Welcome back. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Kills. Midnight boom. Wow. Woods is gone. Why do you always imitate our program director, Garrett, when you say our 8 o'clock albums, Mike? I don't know. Because he does the 8 o'clock albums. Oh, that's why. Oh, that's why. The kills. He's just cluing in our audience. He loves it. What was so funny. He loves when we imitate his voice. He loves it so much he would slit my throat. Hey, Mike. I slit your throat. Hey, Mike. Why don't you come see me today? Bring your playbook. Yeah. When you come in the room, there's going to be plastic on the floor. Bring your key card.

2:50:09We said that yesterday, and LLB was like, what is plastic on the floor? She didn't get it. No idea. Easy cleanup. Yep. They just fold it up. LLB, the blood goes with the plastic. Like Dexter. Sure. Give me the line from the movie. What? Which one? 50%. 50% of the time, if I went for a meeting with. No, no, no, no, no. Most of the time when I went to a meeting, I had a 70%. I had a 50% chance. Or I had 99 out of 100% chance coming back. This time, when he said a couple hundred yards down the road. Figured my chances were about 50-50. Now, the thing about that is that's chilling because it was true. Yes. What is that? That's from Casino. Mm-hmm. Sam's giving the thing. I'm like, what did Chris do? It's Jimmy. Down the road. Jimmy telling Sharon Stone. I tried last night when I got home. The Yankee game was over early, and the wife and I. I feel like we haven't really gotten to hang out much. Yeah. I don't know why, but I just wanted to, like, lay with her and watch a movie. And, of course.

2:51:13She's like, what do you want to watch? I'm like, Goodfellas, of course. Oh, my gosh. I couldn't find it. I'd kill you. I couldn't find it, so we didn't get to watch it. Apple's come out with some new stuff. They came out. They upgraded their MacBook Air, which is their real light little computer. Yeah. They upgraded that. And they also came out with iLife 11. So if you use a Mac, iLife 11's pretty cool. Does all kinds of stuff. It'll take a whole bunch of pictures that you have and upload them to Facebook. And then it'll also, if you tag somebody in Facebook, it'll instantly link it to all of your pictures that you have of that person in your iPhoto. Crazy. And if people make comments about, you know, tagged photos.

2:52:08It has a special area now in your iPhoto where it'll show you all the comments that are being made. Well, these new MacBook Air laptops are available to buy Wednesday in 11- and 13-inch display models. Smaller one is $999. The larger costs $1299, but neither includes a hard drive or a DVD player. You get something for it. It's a little thing that you plug in. I don't need it. Why do you need that? Because I watch DVDs on my computer. Okay. Adult films. What? Weird. If you're the type of person that uses a computer for looking at pictures, browsing the internet, doing email, it's perfect for you. Yeah. L.O.B., you would love it. I bet I would. It's really... Lightweight, too? Oh, it weighs like a pound. That I'm in on. I'm sorry. 2.3 pounds. Oh, okay. Maybe I'm not so in. Yeah, never mind then. But it costs 1,000 pounds. Yeah, it costs 1,000 pounds. 1,000 pounds if you buy it.

2:53:08If you'd like to purchase one. Are you Mac? Yes. What's up with that? Microphone. Did you have one of the effects on, maybe? Check, check. Hello. Oh, it sounds terrible. It's crinkly. Wait a minute. I'll give you a new mic. I have another mic. Yeah, here. Does this pop out here? Yep. Just like that? Yep. Careful. Okay, and then what? Pull straight up. Come here. I'm like an engineer. Got it? There we go. Let's try that one. Check, check. Nope. It's not the mic. Interesting. Whatever it is, it's not the mic. Hi, Hill. You can sit right by me anytime. Just get real close to it. There you go. You smell nice. What are you wearing? It's organic, paraben-free, body shop, Moroccan rose. Let me try this. Let's see if it works now. Is that better? No. No, we'll have you share.

2:54:16And we gotta, you know the thing? We gotta have it fixed because Sienna's coming back on Tuesday. Jay was on there earlier doing Movie Plot Hot Potato and it worked. Something happened between now and then. It was Jay's electric field. I wonder what happened. Something weird happened when you guys started arm wrestling. I heard a... But he was pulling something out of the... He pulled the... Boombox. Oh, Jay, do you think it had something to do with that whole dealio? Maybe we can talk about this off the air. We can do that if you guys want to. I love you, though. I just turned that off. Now let's try it. Musical chairs. Check one, two. Still messed up. Hi, Hill. Hi, guys. Yes, I am a Mac lover. We had a PC for a long time, and then everyone else in my family is into Macs. Finally, Jeremy and I got one maybe like six years ago. Yeah. Love. Instant love. It's the best. It's the best. In fact, my first generation iPod died this morning. Finally. No.

2:55:23You know, you can take it to Toys R Us and they'll give you a hundred bucks towards the purchase of a new one. I would check online first before you. Why? Why? Why? Did they stop doing that? It looked like there was some fine print there. So read the fine print. Really? Give them a call first and see if they're doing that bit. I think it depends on the model of your iPad. Yeah, there was definitely some fine print. They didn't want the one that looks like a lunchbox. That's the one I have. That's the one you have. But the good news is the new ones have like, I have a video camera on mine. I have a radio signal on mine. They're filthy. It's cool. Oh, Ella Bee, they're rad. I know. They do everything. That may be the greatest invention of all time. The iPod, I think. Yeah. My friend Jessica's husband is on tour, actually opening for Brandon Flowers in the UK right now. He's in trance for a local San Diego band, and she was saying last night that they've been video chatting on their iPod. Amazing. Crazy. Yeah, he's in England, and they're like, hey, how's it going? Showing her around where they're staying and stuff. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. I've got to run down some headlines. real quickly with you. Kanye West is getting his teeth replaced with diamonds. No. Yeah, no, he's not getting it. He's already gotten it. Already did it? Yeah. They have pictures of his grill? They have pictures of his grill. And he just thought diamonds were cooler. And he said he asked the dentist to remove his bottom row of teeth and replace them. And Ellen said, it's not a grill. And he said, it's really my real teeth. I replaced my bottom row of teeth.

2:56:47With diamonds. I guess there are certain things that rock stars are supposed to do. Oh, my God. He's a gold digger. That's true. Guy's gone off the deep end. He's a lunatic, man. Diamonds. I wonder what eating grape nuts is like. Oh, my God. Oreos. Oreos. He smiles. What about corn on the cob? Is that fun? Strawberry seeds. With your diamond teeth? With mayonnaise. Wow. The JetBlue flight attendant, Stephen Slater, his house got burglarized while he was at court. How awful is that? Did you read by who did it? Do they know who did it? Do you know who did it? It was like his lover's brother or something. Oh, no. Really? Yeah. Somebody came into my pile and stole that story, Hillary, so I'm glad that you knew. Clearly. I bet he was trying to find some insider thing that he could get in on the cash or something. I bet you're right. I bet you're right, L.O.B. A manuscript or something. Sell it to TMZ. What a dirtbag. A San Diego guy is going to attempt to run 30 marathons in 30 days. I think it's an addiction. I think you can get addicted to the endorphins. And I don't think that it's healthy to run 30 marathons in 30 days. How is that guy's shins going to feel? It's not even healthy really to run one.

2:58:05One marathon, it's not healthy for you? I mean, it's not great for your joints. It kills you. It ain't great. I bet you get all high from it. Your brain is just like... Know how many miles it is, dude? 28 miles. No, no. Total, total, total, total, total, total, total, total. It's 26 times 30. It's like 780... 786 miles. Yeah. Not healthy. I did not have a trainer, did not have a nutritionist, just had myself as a Stairmaster for a year. That's how I lost my weight. He weighed more than 300 pounds, and he is going to try. Oh, by the way, guys, the current record for marathons in as many days, 52. Somebody ran 52 marathons in 52 days. Dude. Some guys do those mega marathons. It's like 120-something miles. You'll be eating pizza while they're doing it. If somebody had a gun to my head and said, Woods, you have to run a marathon, I'd better pull the trigger, pal. No, you wouldn't. I'm telling you, I can't run more than 70 feet. You could do it with a gun to your head. No, I couldn't. I would die. You don't have to give the stories out. I'm just going to read these headlines. Because some of these headlines, it's actually just reading the headline tells the story. There was a spill outside that water treatment plant in Encinitas. In Carlsbad. Carlsbad.

2:59:20That's right where Woodsy surfs. Every time I surf, that's where I surf. Not anymore. The founder of Penthouse passed away of cancer, Bob Guccione. Sad. Weird. It is sad when a person dies, but just weird that Jay is creeping me out. The guy did give a few of us a lot of pleasure. Yes, he did. Women give more to charity than men. Weird. I can buy that. Makes sense. I give more than my wife, but I do. I give more to charity than my wife does. You don't give as a family? I do a few things and she does a few things. Are you talking about the stripper named Charity? No, not the stripper named Charity, Jay. They have separate. We have separate accounts. It works for us. Women give more because they're more nurturing, Mike. That's why. Really? Really? I don't know. Maybe. I'm just giving you an answer because you asked. All right, Hill, what do you got coming up today? All kinds of good stuff. I grabbed The Black Keys, Really Old Faith No More, Some Bad Religion, New Pete Yorn, and I am going to start with an absolute gem. Classic. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next, and she'll be back tomorrow morning to do it again. We're out late.