The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/20/11
Thursday, October 20, 2011
gaddafiohio exotic animalslindsay lohanrex ryannorv turnerworld serieswalter paytonsmart guyxbox lettersdisclaimer wordrotund factornba lockout
The show opened with Mikey teasing stories about Gaddafi, the Ohio exotic animal release, and Lindsay Lohan's legal issues. Throughout the broadcast, Mikey and co-hosts Woodsy, LOB, and Jay debated topics ranging from Rex Ryan's foot-in-mouth remarks to the NFL lockout and David Stern's slavery analogy. Author Jeff Perlman joined to discuss his Walter Payton biography, revealing controversial details about the athlete's personal life. The show also featured interactive segments like the Smart Guy game and a candid conversation about keeping letters from ex‑partners in an "Xbox".
What happened, in order
Show Opening Teaser
Mikey welcomes listeners and teases upcoming stories about Gaddafi, the Ohio exotic animal release, and Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles.
Ohio Exotic Animal Release
Mikey recounts how Terry Thompson released 56 exotic animals in Zanesville, leading to 50 being shot and his suicide.
Lohan Probation Trouble
Mikey discusses Lindsay Lohan being terminated from her women's shelter community service job for excessive absences and bad attitude, as read by Judge Stephanie Sautner.
Stern Slavery Comment
Mikey and guests discuss NBA Commissioner David Stern being compared to a plantation overseer during the lockout, citing a Bryant Gumbel quote.
Gaddafi Declared Dead
Mikey announces that Libyan officials have confirmed Muammar Gaddafi's death from wounds suffered in capture.
Walter Payton Biography Interview
Author Jeff Perlman talks about his book "Sweetness" on Walter Payton, revealing personal struggles and the Hall of Fame induction backlash.
Smart Guy: Milan P-Word
Woodsy guesses the Italian city Milan in the Smart Guy game, prompting a long-running joke about the "Milan P-Word" from a past limousine incident.
Xbox of Ex Letters
Mikey, LOB, and Jay discuss the "Xbox" as a box of letters and mementos from past relationships, highlighting a double standard in keeping ex‑memorabilia.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLOBJayChrisLaurenJeff PerlmanWalter PaytonNorv TurnerRex RyanTakeo SpikesAJGordon YeagerNorma Yeager
34,931 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
on your show, but we will make it happen. I mean, you've got so many stories out there right now. Gaddafi, you've got the jawing going back and forth between Norv and Rex Ryan. You've got the World Series. You've got this crazy thing, crazy thing that happened in Ohio involving wild animals. I mean, the wildest of animals being let free and the guy that did it committing suicide. It is incredible. Insane. Plus all the stuff that's going on with Lindsay Lohan. Welcome M1 Nation to the Mikey Show. 570-1949 is the number if you want to call us. Woodsy just found out about something from M1 Nation. M1 Nation's Mikey Show listeners. When you call in, turn your radio down, get to the point and don't cuss. That's what being an M1 is. And he just got a tweet from M1 Nation.
that Fox 5 is doing a favorite radio personality deal. And it's basically everybody in town. So go and vote for the Mikey Show. It's the R Factor? It's called the R Factor. Rotun? What's Rotun? No, I think, no. Jay got on thesaurus.com and put in that. And tried to find a word that started with R. How about robust? Round. It's the round factor. Rump. Really dumb. Ripples. So, the easiest way for you to find it is go to our Facebook page. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And we put a link there. Go there and vote for us. Rotund. Rotund. Respite. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. Guy sitting across from me. Our resident comedian and assistant producer is LV. She's going to think about Rotund later today and just start giggling. Let's get me. Rotund. Jay is our razor-tongued.
Producer. Oh, man, he cuts so deep. I've had many producers in my 24-year career. In fact, I've probably had half a dozen producers. Probably half a dozen. One of them, and only one of them, has ever abused me. Who's that? I won't say his name. Because I don't want to get in trouble with anybody from the other station. But his initials are Jay Isbell. Oh, wow. I think I know that guy. I think I know who he means. Yes. I'm just going to keep it veiled like that. Yeah. And our phone screener. That's Krauss. Krauss. I love how people on Facebook will say, and you can tell Krauss. Krauss. I still haven't found a way that I like to spell it. Me neither. I haven't found a way to spell Krauss. That's Krauss. It's Krauss. Krauss.
The word of the day, disclaimer. The word of the day is disclaimer. And so when you hear me say the word disclaimer, you have to be caller number nine and you get a pair of tickets to see City in color. Every single morning, every single morning, Chris walks into the studio and he says this exactly to L.O.B. He goes. Hey, Lauren, can I get word of the day? And all of us go, holy crap, dude. I'm working. Man. Screaming, bro. Why are you yelling, Chris? Calm down. There's nothing to yell about. She's just trying to do her job. Don't lose your temper, bro. Oh, my gosh, you're so abusive. And he just looks to the ground. He goes, I just asked. I didn't yell. I didn't yell. I'm so sorry.
And L.O.B. will be like, I have to go to HR? Today, I was like, I already put it on the paper, Chris. Gosh. He's like, fine, okay, I won't do it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like, gosh, Chris, you're just an abusive person. I guess I'll just know when people start calling in. Yeah. I'll just wait for that. It's so awesome. Okay, so here's another big thing. At 8 o'clock this morning, I am going to tell a story. And I would like for everybody listening to text Twitter, whatever their friends and family and everybody in the known universe that, you know, and tell them to listen online or to listen on their radio. And if they listen to this, isn't I want to be really clear when I do this thing at eight o'clock this morning.
I couldn't say it isn't about ratings because I have to acknowledge that some people that don't listen to us may listen to us and they may like us and they may stay. But honestly, that's part of it. The other part of it is you can even tell them they can go back to listening to whatever they listen to after they're done. or if they listen to Jack, or if they listen to Sophie, or if they listen to Kixie, or if they listen to the show, or if they listen to 91X, any other radio station, I just want them to hear what we're going to do at 8. Because it's near to my heart. It's really near to my heart. And I believe, with every ounce of my being, that it is so important.
that I want the world to hear it. I want the world to hear it. And it's going to happen at 8 o'clock. And I'm waiting at 8 until 8. And I'm waiting until 8 because I want as many people to say, I don't know what this psychopath is going to do at 8. But I listen to this guy, Mikey, and I want you to trust me on this when I tell you I mean it. I want you to get as many people as you can to listen at 8. All right. So this morning, it's very unclear if Gaddafi is dead. We don't know. And you can call us 570-1949. Anything you want to talk about. 570-1949. The reason that it's unclear is because there are some sources that are saying that he's dead. And then there are other sources that can't confirm it. What we do know is that NATO said.
that they attacked a couple of pro-Qaddafi military vehicles, and they were armed vehicles conducting military operations. They presented a clear threat to civilians, and they fired on them. Now, apparently, he was amongst them. But Momar, imagine being named Momar, by the way. You could not move to the United States and just blend in. Oh, hello, Omar. It's nice to meet you. No, it's Mo-Mar. Omar? No, no, no. Omar Qaddafi. No, no, no. It is pronounced Mo-Mar. Say it with me. Hooked on Phonics. Watch this. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar. Mo-Mar.
And is it Gaddafi or Qaddafi? I've always said Qaddafi. Sometimes it has a Q in the spelling. It's spelled differently. Yeah, sometimes it has a Q. It's all different. Hello, Mr. Qaddafi. How are you? It's Qaddafi. Qaddafi. It's Qaddafi. Qaddafi. Qaddafi. Omar Qaddafi. Omar Qaddafi. No, Omar Qaddafi. Qaddafi. Omar Qaddafi. So we don't know. He could be alive. He could be dead. We'll know within the next four hours because it's later. A lot of conflicting reports right now. Yeah, they said people are dancing in the streets, though. Hey, how about this? How about the fact that our very own Norv Turner is getting involved with some smack talk, which is very unusual. But what happened, Woods? Rex Ryan happened, okay? Guy put his foot in his mouth. Well, somebody's foot in his mouth again. We don't know whose foot. It could have been his wife's. It could have been a stranger. That's a reference to him being into foot fetish videos. I didn't know anything about that. I was just saying that he put his foot in his mouth again. You knew. Rex Ryan is a legend in his own mind. In Rex's mind, he is Vince Lombardi. Guy's one, nothing. Nothing. To hear him talk. Yeah.
He is like the greatest thing to football since the forward pass. He says things about himself that resemble Bill Belichick. Right. But Bill Belichick doesn't say anything. He's got the hardware. Yeah. And he's got the hardware. Yeah. You know, Rex, good coach, good motivator. Players love him. They love playing for him. You can't guarantee a Super Bowl every year. It just doesn't work. You can't do it. You lose credibility every year when you say, this year we got it. Yep. And then you don't get it. You do. Well, so Rex Ryan's talking to the media yesterday. And the gist is, you know, he interviewed for Norv's job. And they didn't hire him here. You know, AJ went in a different direction and hired Norv. Rex, how would you have done if you were the head coach of the Chargers? Now, some people know you're about to hear Rex, then Norv, and then San Diego linebacker. Takeo Spikes. Correct. Well, I think I would have had a couple rings. Those teams were loaded. There's no question about it. But things happen for a reason. You know, obviously, North Turner has done a great job there. And AJ and everybody. I mean, that's a great franchise. And, you know, he was probably the best guy for the job at that time. Well, I think we've had enough coaching drama, you know, in the league.
Last few days, we don't need any more. I was a little bit surprised by the call, and then after I saw the quote, I just didn't have a chance to ask him this, but I was wondering if he had those rings with the ones he's guaranteed the last couple of years. I ain't talking about no Rex Ryan, man. He ain't saying that by Keough. I don't care about all that. I mean, we got to play. At the end of the day, players play. I never seen a coach come in between the white lines. Wow. Well done, Rex. Way to give the Chargers some bulletin board. That's his thing. He gives teams bulletin board material every week. Now, the Jets, I believe they're sitting at two and three. Yeah. Maybe three and three. Nothing special. Right. Nothing special. Yeah. And, you know, they got an inexperienced quarterback. Well, he's got some years on his belly. He's just not playing that well, their quarterback. And, you know, like I said, Rex is a legend in Rex's mind. Yeah. It's ridiculous. I hope the Chargers beat these guys by 65 points. On Sunday. The game is in New York. It's at the MetLife Stadium. And it starts at 10 a.m. It's the Chargers and the Jets. So, Woods, you watch the World Series. You know that. Big baseball fan. Yes. And who played? I don't know, Woods. It's the St. Louis Cardinals. One of the most storied franchises in history. Against the Texas Rangers. Cool.
It's the Texas Rangers' second trip in a row to the World Series. They got beat by the Giants last year. We asked Woodsy yesterday, are you going to watch it? And he's like, he was offended. Of course I'm offended. I'm a baseball fan. I'll watch anybody, anytime, any game. Spring training, doesn't matter. Well, it did not disappoint. I'm sure it disappointed in the ratings because people don't really watch baseball anymore. Unless you're from St. Louis or Texas. Or you live in San Diego. I love baseball. There's one guy. Me. I was watching it real good. The Cardinals won last night. Chris Carpenter against C.J. Wilson. Carpenter was great. Wilson was actually really good, too. I mean, it was a 3-2 win. Yeah. So it delivered. It was very tense. There were a lot of great defensive plays. And it was awesome. And the game, too, is today at 5-0-5. And it's, you know, if you like good baseball, the World Series, you can't beat it. Wow, man. It was hot. What I find the most fascinating about it is you will watch it. And you don't care who's in it. Oh, no. And you're in. Oh, yeah. You are wholesale buying into the World Series. Dude, I want to see Albert Pujol step up there with men on first and second, one out. They got a pitch to him. I want to see that, man. I want to watch Nelson Cruz, you know, keep hitting homers for the Rangers. It's been awesome. So this is a ginormous story today. And it is the story of the wild 50 exotic animals that got let loose in Ohio.
This whack job, Terry Thompson, he owns all these exotic animals, okay? He's got trouble with the neighbors, obviously. They're like, hey, what's up with your bears and all your stuff? And so what he decided to do was, well, first of all, there was a panic because of what he did. You need to know that. And by the way, 50 of the animals are now dead because they had to be shot. After the shooting stopped. 50 of them were dead. The owner of this place, it's a farm, he let 56 wild animals go. In Zanesville, a city of 25,000 in central Ohio. And it was his final act because they were all shot to death. And then he took his own life. 18 rare Bengal tigers. 17 lions.
Black bears, two grizzlies, three mountain lions, two wolves, one baboon. At least one animal described by the officials that were there was a large cat. It was struck by a car then shot. The last of the escapees, a monkey, believed, by the way, to be potentially carrying a lethal herpes virus. I don't know how it's lethal. What? Was apparently eaten by one of the carnivores. Oh, my gosh. Regrets. Survivors. Three leopards, a grizzly, and two monkeys. Why didn't they trank them? Well, I'm sure they... I don't think they're trying to trank them. I think they're trying to stop them from hurting people. Maybe they weren't equipped and just reacting. Look, my man. I'm telling you, this is exactly what I'm saying. You should not take animals out of their natural environment.
I agree with you. I agree. In fact, because of this, I think they should make it a law. You can't have these. I think it is a law, no? No. Really? I think you're legally allowed to. That's ridiculous. It's some kind of preserve law. It's supposed to protect the animals, but the way the law is written. And I think in Ohio they have no laws. But Texas has a bunch of exotic game preserves where you can go hunt them. Apparently, dude wants a... sold some kind of lion cub to Heidi Klum. What the hell? What are you buying a lion for? Yeah, dude. I wonder if she still has it. No. Of course not. Once it got too big to cuddle and could eat her face off, she got rid of it. Turned it into a coat. That's right. That breaks my heart. Terrible. Again, let everybody know, I want you to hear this thing at eight. To me, it's important. Much less important, but still good for my ego. And our ego is the thing that they're doing on Fox 5. The rotund factor. Well, it's not even called a factor, you know, which is what's so unusual about him saying that. It says our factor contest. No, you're right. It's not rotund, isn't it? It's radio. It's rotund, isn't it? Well, rotund is the correct word. Yeah.
But this one is, I don't think it's rotund. It stands for the radio factor, but, you know. You got my vote, dude. Thank you. Thanks, Jay. I think you got mine, too. Yeah. I got mine once I see what it is. Well, I want to hear where you stand on some stuff. Well, Chris voted for Jeff and Jer, which I thought was rude. But if you go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show, you will see a link, and you can vote. for the Mikey show. Let's win this, B. How do you propose? I'll tell you what it is. This is what it is. Every radio station will talk about it. So really what it is is who has more listeners? Because we're all telling our listeners to go do it. I would like for M1 Nation to flex their muscle. And so go there and flex your muscle and vote. Yeah, take your pants off, M1 Nation. Wow. Oh, that's unusual. What is that? Take your pants off. Show them what's up. If you take your pants off, that is the equivalent of a quote, show them what's up. Yes. All right. I have never heard that. I have never heard that old phrase, you know. But they're pitting me against Austin from Sophie. And they're pitting people against each other. So you can go there and vote.
Hopefully we win it because it'd be really embarrassing if M1 Nation doesn't show up. I am. So do it. Lindsay Lohan. Oh boy. Trainwreck. Trainwreck. The judge is Stephanie Sautner and went after her yesterday. But you're saying she was terminated for excessive absences because she was out of the... She's talking about terminated from her community service job. Helping out at a woman's shelter. They said, we don't want you. You come in here late, you spend an hour here, and you got a bad attitude. We don't want you here. But you're saying she was terminated for excessive absences because she was out of the country. Let me read what she told probation, okay? I'm going to read this to you. Ms. Lohan indicates that at the Women's Center, she wasn't interacting with anyone, so the service was not fulfilling. Her words, the service.
Is that what a sentence is about? It's supposed to fulfill the defendant, or is it supposed to be rehabilitative and or punitive? Oh, my gosh. Oh, man, that judge is tough. I love her. Dude, that makes sense, though. Totally. You know what? It just wasn't doing it for me. Yeah, sorry. I was on the side of the road. I was picking up garbage, and I just didn't feel it. Yeah, sorry. I wasn't feeling it. Here's more. I am revoking her probation. Oh, God. Pending a hearing. I am also setting bail at $100,000. Oh, my God. And if Ms. Lohan bails out, she is to immediately, before the next hearing, if she wants to mitigate any potential sentence, if she's found in violation, do a minimum of 16 hours at the morgue. And that's two days a week between now and the hearing date. The bail bondsman is here. So can she remain? No. It's up to the sheriffs. I don't tell sheriffs where to put people. I'll see everybody back here November 2nd. People, have your ducks lined up. Wow. Oh, my. You know, the other deal is every time that Lindsay gets busted, it's always like, oh, gosh. Like, you're such a jerk, Judge. Does she not understand? Did you just hear her? You could hear her go, ah. Yeah. Yeah. It's gnarly. It's super gnarly. She needs, she needs.
Six months in jail. NBA Commissioner David Stern. You know, NBA is doing a holdout. Locked out. A lockout. Yeah. And a black man that's very well known evoked slavery when talking about David Stern. Oh, boy. And you'll find out who that was. And we will also play Smart Guy. How many people do we have for Smart Guy? How many people do we get? Do we get one person? I don't remember. Three people? Three people. Three people. 570-1949. What's the prize, Jay? Today's prize is a $20 gift card to Smash Brothers and a pair of tickets to the Scream Zone. It is. You want to win, call us. 570-1949. Or text them, 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming at FM 94.9. Eight bands. Eight bands. Outdoors. San Diego Rocktoberfest returns to North Park in two days.
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This report, it is brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, your participating Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the experts. See your Toyota dealer for details. A little slow this morning as you travel on the 94 eastbound from Kenwood Drive down to about Avocado Boulevard, 14 miles an hour. Also, some delays here on the 94 eastbound from 47th Street to Federal Boulevard. We're looking at speeds here about... 20 miles an hour. I'll take you right up here to the 52 westbound, the ramp from the 125. It's 30 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Farmers Insurance. Don't have a Farmers Insurance agent? Well, you may not be saving as much as you could. Farmers has dozens of discounts. They could save you hundreds of dollars. Just call Farmers Agent Vanessa McCoy. Her number is 619-422-9223. Start saving. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. Yeah, this is the light. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear. Like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. I am so insecure. I'm so insecure. And I'm so self-absorbed. And I'm so scared. It's all the things I shouldn't be.
That I struggle with, that I'm like, you shouldn't care about any of that. I'm winning by 97%. 97% to the guy you're up against got 3%. That makes me think that three people don't like me, which makes me want to cry. Well, I wouldn't put too much stock in that. One of them's me, so. That's true, because Jay did not vote for him. Neither did Chris. No, and Chris didn't. Because Jay made him. Yeah. And I know Rebecca probably voted for the other guy, so. He's a sharp guy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well, here's the deal. Right now, if you go to our Facebook fan page and you scroll down a little bit, there is a contest. And it's for your favorite DJ. And they're calling it the R Factor, which stands for Rotund. What would you have done if they put you and Woods on there?
Oh, no. Well, I think they can't because they only pick one from the show. Which was weird because from the other show that I used to be on, they picked B-Rob. You know? He's a good dude, but why wouldn't they pick the host of the show? I think they're not sure who the host is either. Oh, boy. That was Jay. And they do have two people from, they have the morning show, both of them from K-Son. They do? John Flint and Tammy Lee. Oh. Do they have Jeff and Jer? I don't see Jeff or Jer. Yeah, I see Jer. Oh, do you? Yeah. Yeah, I see Jer now. But I don't see Jeff. Well, anyway, go there and vote. Go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show.
And they do have various people. They do have different what they call day parts. So they'll have somebody from the same station that'll be on the morning, the afternoon, that kind of deal. So go there and vote. It's official. Muammar Gaddafi is dead. He is dead. And we're getting this as official information on everything now. Breaking news on MSNBC. That, again, was Jay. But he is dead. Thought I'd missed him, but I got him. You got him. Well, the deal is he was in a NATO, did a operation, thought they were being threatened, and he is gonzo. He's just riding around in tanks? I guess so. I'd like to go with you tonight. You don't mind? Do you have a room? I do, but I'd rather you go with the other one. How much?
Gossip girl, can one guy watch? I've been freaking out. I'm losing my mind, man. I'd like to come with you. Can I tell you something? You basically have a gigantic bullseye on chest. I don't want you in my tank, man. Go in the other one. I'm freaking bored. Who's the freaking blonde with you? You take around blondes. It's my friend. You don't worry, I pay her. Very well, very well. Hi. You just walk around with him. Yeah. Cool. She does more than walk around if you catch my drift. I catch a drift, but... I make sex to her. You get it? How do you do this? He gives me a lot of tickets. To what? To the Kings of Leon? A lot of tickets. Middle East? He gives you a lot of tickets? Yeah. But how much can you win with them? You have to scratch all day? Yeah. Or is it a quick pick? Yeah. I just do it while I'm hanging out in the tank. You'll just scratch? Mm-hmm. I like to keep her in the compound sometime. We watch a movie together. Why is she keeping up with the Kardashians? I love Kardashians. Don't like Khloe so much. You're a freaking liar. What? You don't make sex to her. Yes, I do. You give her a lottery ticket. You don't make sex to me. Don't do you.
I don't know if that's what I would call it. See, you don't do anything. You're always trying to show off, Momar. What are you joking about? Dude, ever since we was in grade school, oh, I was messing around with Rahabah. And no, you weren't, dude. I got to turn on bass with Rahabah. Yes, I did. Did you? He likes me to dress up like his mom and rub his back. That is a true statement. You are so ridiculous. So ridiculous. All kinds of oil and lubrication. See, you're a liar, man. This is the first time, Momar, you are with the girl. And I can ask her directly. You can talk to me like this. You're insubordinate. You give a lottery ticket. That's all. That's all that happens. He likes warm milk. You little girl. You like golden milk. I love you, kid. You like golden milk. All right. Now we have to switch gears. Oh, my God. Yes. Well, wait a minute. Yeah, we do have to switch gears. All right. Let me give you this real quickly, and then we're going to be talking to a man that has written a really incredible book. It was Bryant Gumbel that compared Commissioner David Stern from the NBA, compared it with slavery. Wow.
Listen to this. If the NBA lockout is going to be resolved anytime soon, it seems likely to be done in spite of David Stern, not because of him. I say that because the NBA's infamously egocentric commissioner seems more hell-bent lately on demeaning the players than resolving his game's labor impasse. How else to explain Stern's rants in recent days? But his efforts were typical of a commissioner who has always seemed eager to be viewed as some kind of modern plantation overseer, treating NBA men. As if they were his boys. Oh. It's part of Stern's MO. Like his past self-serving edicts on dress code or the questioning of officials. His moves were intended to do little more than show how he's the one keeping the hired hands in their place. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, that is very, very rancorous. That's spicy. Plantation owner. His boys. His boys. That's pretty gnarly. There's a book out called Sweetness. The enigmatic life of Walter Payton. Now, for someone like Jay, who doesn't watch a lot of football, it even got Jay. You know, he doesn't know anything about football. Jay doesn't know anything about Walter Payton. But when you hear other people talk about Walter Payton, for instance, Jim Brown. I don't know the game, but I can tell you a little more. It was the first time I saw him on television.
And I didn't know who he was. And I saw him make this one run. Four guys all spun around, accelerated. And I said, oh, my goodness. What animal is this? What kind of guy is this? All those moves and the strength and the tenacity. That was it. I didn't have to see any more. I knew this was a great run. The guy was unbelievable. Second to none, man. And I believe until Emmett Smith broke his record, he was the number one leading rusher in the NFL all time. And then Emmett broke that record. But on the phone with us is Jeff Perlman. Jeff, are you there? I am there. I was amused by the... I would like to keep listening to you guys. That was pretty good stuff. Oh, thank you. You must be talking about the MoMA thing, right? It's funny. I woke up this morning and my producer is a... Excuse me, my neighbor is a producer for Rachel Maddow's show. And he goes...
I don't know how much people will be talking about Walter Payton today. They're like, why? He goes, Qaddafi. I was like, oh, well, that's good. Anyway. That's right. You know, they got him, man. Nadal got him. And he's such a show-off. I will defer to Walter Payton. He's a good football player. Oh, really? First time in your life you defer to anything? Oh, look at me. I'm going to finally, for the first time in my life, I'm going to say, I didn't have sex with my hoja name. I got a blonde girl here from California that I give freaking lottery tickets to, right? How many he give you? He gives me like a pack. He gives you a pack. You can hang on, Jeff Perlman, man. Let me go. Jeff Perlman, Sweetness is the name of the book, The Animatic Life of Walter Payton. Now, check this out. A lot of things I didn't know. Sweetness was depressed because he never scored a touchdown in a Super Bowl. Is that correct? So what happened is Super Bowl 20 when the Bears destroyed the Patriots. And then we're laughing. And he's on the sidelines, just brooding. Here it is. He played on some freaking Bears teams back in the day. And here it is. They win the Super Bowl. The locker room alone takes off his jersey and hides in a broom and is crying and refuses to come out. Come out because you want me to. And his agent is talking. He says, you listen to me. Because if you hide here, go out there and you bash Mike Dicca. Legacy that you've worked so hard will be dead. And you're as the guy who finally won the Super Bowl and slammed a smile on your face. And you do those interviews.
And he did, but he never looked happy. Wow. Shocking, man. Now, you did over 700 interviews. We're talking to Jeff Perlman. He wrote Sweetness, the Enigmatic Life of Walter Payton. You did over 700 interviews over 12 years. People keep saying 12 years. Does that say it in a press release? Yeah, yeah. 12 years. I would have started this book when I was 10. But no, it's been three years. That would be the longest book. Yeah, it says here that you conducted over 1,400,000 interviews. Is that correct? Is that a fact? It was actually my wife, but I counted it every time I did a new interview. Wait a minute, but you only talked to, if this is correct, you only talked to Walter Payton for 30 minutes. Yeah, I was, but he died. Okay, and so what's the deal? He gave you 30? He said, yeah, you could talk to me, but for 30 minutes. Or did you go, well, to be respectful, I'll only take 30 minutes of your time? Do you remember your first or last question to him? But this book basically chronicles his entire life, and, you know, you did a lot of interviews, you know, and you talked to people that knew him. Did you talk to Ditka?
It's the good, the bad, and everything in between. Sweetness, the enigmatic life of Walter Payton's, this book by Jeff Perlman, and it's kind of everything, you know? I mean, you kind of put it all out there. I'm writing a memoir, and I'm trying to get my proposal in front of somebody. So I'm thinking, Jeff, maybe you can probably know some people. I'll talk to my people. Talk to your people. Actually, my agent knew I was going to be doing something about his memoir. Yeah, tell him, yeah. Tell him it's good. Tell him it's good. Tell him it's really good. Tell him there's a lot of revelations. That's what I heard. Woodsy, you got a question? Yeah. You know, Jeff, I do the sports here on the show, and I've read a lot about you. You've caught some flack for this book a little bit. People are kind of saying.
Um, you know, why, why reveal some of this stuff now? What, what, what can you say to that? You know, like there was a story about him having his wife and his girlfriend at his hall of fame induction speech, which was just, I read the excerpt. I was like, my heart was racing. I guess that's a good thing in a way. I, uh, you know, like a lot of arguments that's ever been made. I mean, about history, because someone isn't here. Can we not write a Kennedy biography? Can we not write a Thomas Jefferson biography? Uh, Vincent Barty or Joe DiMaggio? I mean, this is what he can write it, but people could say it. tasteless. People could say, that's a tasteless move. I think then you're basically saying, unless biographies are pure puff, you'll have to write about a person's personal life in a biography once he died. That's your take. That's fine, but I think it's a very flawed approach to history. And I'm not even sure that is my take, but if I'm playing devil's advocate, what it would... I understand, but I think it's a flawed look at history. We either decide we're going to be honest with history and try to get a true feel for someone's life or not. And here's the thing that I've been making.
You're working on a book about Walter Payton, and obviously you have to write about his Hall of Fame induction. You would agree, correct? Sure. Big moment. You find out that the four days when he was in Canada, Ohio, were arguably the four most miserable days of his life. That he was hiding out in his hotel room with his girlfriend, fear of getting embarrassed. That he didn't show up at different places. That he just wanted this freaking whole thing to go away. Now, how do you know? Multiple, multiple interviews. From multiple interviews. Yeah. With people who knew him best who were there with him. Yeah. It's fascinating. I read the excerpt and was blown away. But my question is, if you're writing a definitive biography of a man's life, how do you just say... And then he got inducted into the Hall of Fame. It was a great time. Next chapter. You're right. Yeah, I get it. I totally get it. I just want to know how you're dealing with all that stuff. Hey, Jeff, they're wrapping me up. So I got to wrap up. Jeff Perlman, Sweetness, The Enigmatic Life of Walter Payton. Thanks for coming on. All right, thanks a lot. All right, we'll see you. Crazy. Peace. Hmm. Well... I mean, I guess he's got a point. He totally has a point. He has every right to do it, I think. And originally when it came out, I think I might have even called you. I was like, oh my God, this guy's writing this tell-all about Walter Payton. And we were both like, what, what? And then the more I thought about it, I was like, well, yeah, you come across that info, hell yeah, you're going to put that in there. It sells books, and if it's true, it's true. Good and the bad. I guess a guy can't defend himself. Yeah, you're not there to refute it. Right, but I mean...
I guess a lot of people aren't. I mean, think about what they wrote about John F. Kennedy after he passed away. All the dirty and seedy stuff he allegedly did. But isn't it different with a president that's an historical figure? They both are. They both are historical figures. I mean, you are. We are. Everyone is. Every human. Every human's a historical figure once they pass. A prominent one, though. Walter Payton was pretty prominent. But sports is less important to the development of our country than a president. Yeah, but that's your opinion. What if somebody says sports is more instrumental to the development of our country? Then our president? That person's going to lose that debate. Our president 30 years ago. Well, and then here's the other deal. The other deal is, so wait a minute. The criteria now for writing a definitive biography is how important they were to the nation? Right. What about Marilyn Monroe? I don't care about any of their biographies, to be honest with you. See, I love biographies. My favorite. I prefer memoir because it's coming from you. Right, exactly. I love the memoir. I love the bio. I like the memoir. I don't like somebody else writing it. Okay, now we will play Smart Guy. Bam. But the deal is that we need another player because somebody had to go.
And I don't even know if the people that are there can keep holding because we got to take a break and then we'll come back and we'll do this. 570-194-9. You call us and you're going to pick a person, place, or thing. You get seven questions to try to figure it out, but that's it. I'm going to give you the clue. You take a guess. You got up to seven to be able to name. It's fun. Oh, it's fun. 570-194-9. It's official. Muammar Gaddafi is dead. They broke this news just moments ago, actually, because it was unconfirmed for a while. But now Libyan officials are saying it for sure. They are saying he is dead. He died from wounds suffered in his capture near his hometown of Satire.
And I think that's the way you pronounce it. But what do you want from me? You know, I can't do that. A lot of firing back and forth. And they got him. He was a tyrant. He was a tyrant and did a lot of damage to the Libyan people. See, that's why I love America so much. Imagine if we were under somebody like Momar. Forget it. Imagine if that was the government we were living in. This is fantastic what we live in. You know, that's why it kills me when anybody starts talking smack about America. When people talk smack about America, I say, and they're very passionate about their smack about America. And I believe that it's fair to be able to not like something that's happening in America. In fact, that's your right. What I despise is when people say.
They hate America. And I've seen some of it recently. Maybe it's fringe weirdos. Maybe it's fringe weirdos. Probably is. In fact, I'll say it. It's probably fringe weirdos. French weirdos? Fringe. Now, if you're a fringe weirdo, you can go to Canada, you know. You can go to France. Yeah, you can go wherever you want. Yeah, go home. Yeah. You can go to Mexico, they won't stop you. You want to go to Mexico? They will not stop you from going there and hanging out, just making a life for yourself. Absolutely. They may chop you up and put you in a barrel. Yes. Hang you from an overpass. They may. They may. They may. So that's that. So we'll play Smart Guy when we come back. Word of the day is disclaimer. You've got to be listening for it. It can come at any time. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell him the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Shut up. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. This is Dan Tullis, and I just called Joel Ark, one of Select Quote Insurance Services' term life agents. Hi, miss. Joel, how does Select Quote save you money on term life insurance? Call 1-800-400-2160.
and see how affordable term life insurance can be. That's 1-800-400-2160. 1-800-400-2160. Or go to selectquote.com. We shop, you save. Get full details on the example policy at selectquote.com slash commercials. Your price could vary depending on your health, issuing company, and other factors. Not available in all states. Hey gang, it's your old pal Woodsy for Dave and Busters. We are in here talking about what we want for breakfast. Weird. But I want to tell you about Dave and Buster's... You've got to go there and watch football on Sunday. Now, this Sunday's going to be a little different for you. Jason R. Isbell... Yes, sir. ...is going to be there. Yeah, I'll be there. Jay, you're going to fill in for me, right? Yeah, I'll fill in for you. I'll be cool to the fans. You will? I'll be cool to M1 Nation. I'm just going to tell you straight up, I don't give a crap about football, okay? So the people that like it can come down and watch it. Me, myself, I'm going to look at girls. But I ain't going to touch them. You're just going to look? I'm just going to look. You're the only guy in this town that doesn't like football. That ain't true, man. That ain't true. Clay Aiken's on tour. Fair enough. You and Clay Aiken. You're in good company. So get down this Sunday. Jay's going to be there from 10 to noon. And you can go to Dave & Buster's in Mission Valley. It's 2931 Camino Del Rio North. It's the Chargers. It's the Jets. Jay? Chargers are a female sport, too, you know. I don't get it. I'm saying.
There's a lot of female fans who like the Chargers, too, and I don't want to exclude them. Female fans can come to Dave & Buster's on Sunday. They are welcome. From 10 to noon, Jay. All are welcome. And bring your pom-poms, Jay said. Yeah. That's 10 to noon, Dave & Buster's Eat, Drink, Play Football. October is here, everyone. So that means that Halloween is right around the corner. And this year, you should start your Halloween weekend off right. Come join me, LOB, at the Skins Fearless 5K. This is going to be fun for the whole family. You can run, you can jog, you can walk, and you can have strollers and dogs. And, of course, because it's Halloween, we're going to have a costume contest. It's going to be sponsored by the Haunted Hotel. So dress up early. You know you're going to be dressing up that night. Afterwards, we've got a free post-race breakfast. Perfect. Do you run? You want to feast on something? And after you give it all your guts and your glory and you run this 5K, you want to relive the race for all eternity. Well, guess what? Everyone that participates is going to get a finisher's medal and free race photos. This is being held Saturday, October 29th at Mission Bay. That's right. I said Saturday. Most races, most 5Ks out there on Sundays, and then you got to rest up all weekend and you don't get to party. Well, this is Halloween weekend. We're going to party. Visit fearlessraces.com to register and get more information about that.
That's fearlessraces.com. Whether it's an earthquake, wildfire, or other unforeseen event, emergencies can and do happen. Hi, this is Rick Hendricks, Director of Disaster Services with the American Cross. The Red Cross and SDG&E want you to know that being prepared for an emergency involves advanced preparation. Help us help you be prepared for a disaster. Storing food and supplies in your home is a great first step, but you should also have a written plan in place, a list of essential items for your family, and an evacuation route. To find out more, Visit sdge.com slash safety. Don't just aim for the top. Start there. Business Week ranks the University of San Diego's Evening MBA program as one of the top 30 in the nation and gives our faculty an A-plus for teaching quality. I'm Casey Hayes, Director of MBA Admissions at the University of San Diego. If you're looking to advance your career with an MBA from a program that's highly ranked for student satisfaction and academic quality, visit us at sandiego.edu slash MBA. Don't just aim for the top. Start there. Like going to concerts but wish they weren't so expensive?
Well, HalfPriceSandiego.com has the answers with Fill a SeatSandiego.com. Fill a SeatSandiego.com offers members free tickets. Yes, you heard correctly, free tickets to area shows, concerts, sporting events, and other entertainment. All you pay is a one-time super low membership fee that can pay for itself after only one use. Fill a SeatSandiego.com allows its members to experience top-notch shows, concerts, sporting events, and entertainment all over San Diego at a fraction of the retail cost. HalfPriceSandiego.com is free to use and brings you great deals all over town. Looking for a great sports? bar with some of the best specialty craft beers in san diego check out the press box sports lounge in rancho san diego press box features 15 high definition tvs a relaxing atmosphere and a full bar with over 100 beers the press box sports lounge is all about great craft beer sports and of course amazing food from their five-star chef the press box sports lounge in rancho san diego check out halfprice sandiego.com this week for the best deals in town scream if you can Because when your throat is choked with fear, you may struggle to blurt out a silent scream or a really loud one. It's the familiar sound of Halloween in the Scream Zone at the Del Mar Scare Grounds, where you come every year to face your fears, confront your demons in a manner of speaking. And this Halloween, the last sound you hear may be your own or theirs in the Scream Zone.
The Del Mar Scare Grounds has mutated into the Scream Zone now through Halloween. Climb aboard the Haunted Hayride or enter the House of Horror or the Chamber. Three terrifying ways to scare the life out of you. For hours, tickets, and information, visit thescreamzone.com. Baker Mazda Carlsbad is proud to announce the arrival of the all-new 2012 Mazda 3 with SkyActive technology. It's not a hybrid, not electric, and not a drag to drive. It's the evolution of the internal combustion engine that achieves 40 highway miles per gallon. Your actual mileage may vary. And did I mention that the Bob Baker Mazda 3 with SkyActive technology is fun to drive? See it today at Bob Baker Mazda in relaxing car country Carlsbad or anytime at BobBakerMazda.com. With $100,000, you don't just make it rain. You cause a Category 5 cash storm. On October 30th, Harris RingCon is giving away up to $10,000 every half hour from 11 a.m. to 3.30 p.m. And at 5 p.m., $50,000 for a total of $100,000 cash. Just swipe your total rewards card and play. Harris, come out and play.
Brides and Grooms, San Diego's biggest and best bridal show is coming to the Del Mar Fairgrounds Sunday, October 23rd. It's the Bridal Bazaar. Meet more than 200 exhibitors with everything you need for a perfect wedding. Tickets and discount coupons at bridalbazaar.com. This report brought to you by Jerome's Furniture. Jerome's Furniture, Jerry's Price, means no gimmicks, just pure value every day. And with same-day delivery, you can purchase by 6 p.m., and then you can have it home by tonight. On the 15 northbound before Camino del Norte, an accident there, somebody going on the wrong way on the right-hand shoulder. The 94 eastbound Euclid Avenue, still people wandering around here. And it looks like Camp Pendleton on the 5 southbound between Oceanside Harbor Drive, Carlsbad Village. It's a little slow. This report also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners. Your participating Toyota dealer has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the expert. See your toy.
Toyota dealer for details. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Have to download it and listen to it 1,000 times. Agree. New from Chris Cornell called The Keeper. The Gitter. It's going to be in a movie. God, it makes me insane a little bit. What movie? What? What did she say? The Gitter. The Gitter. That's just about perfect. She hurts my heart. I know. This is nice. It's going to be in a movie. Machine Gun something? Machine Gun Preacher. My game?
Because you like guns. Right. Hey, at 8 o'clock, I would like you to text everybody you know and tell them to listen at 8. Because I'm going to be talking about something that is so touching. But not only is it touching, it's a big deal. It's a big deal to me. And you can even tell people if they like other shows that... To listen and then go back to their show that they listen to. Because to me, the point of it transcends radio. It's just really something else. Okay. Let's see. 570-1949 is the number. M1 Kiko. What was the word of the day? Disclaimer. Oh, yeah. Just got yourself city and color tickets, dude.
All right, hang on the line. Hang on the line. Okay, it's time to play Smart Guy, which is a really fun game. Love it. Smart Guy. Smart Guy. Now, the way that it works is you get to pick a person, place, or thing, and I'm going to give you seven clues to figure it out. M1, Harold from San Marcos. Hi, Harold. Good morning. How are you doing? I'm doing good. All right, so here's what you do. You've got to pick a person, place, or thing, and then we'll see if you're a smart guy. I'm nervous. What do you want? All right. I got the person. I'm going to give you seven guesses to get who this person is. If you cannot get it in seven guesses, you're out of luck. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right. I am a businessman and entrepreneur. Steve Jobs. Nope. I am a billionaire. Brain just went blank. I was born in New York in 1946. This guy's name.
I followed my father, Fred, into real estate. Fred Jr. I developed Atlantic City. I divorced Ivana and later Marla. What's his name? I am associated with the Miss Universe contest. Oh my gosh. Slap me. Punch me. Punch me. I'll arm wrestle you. Donald Trump! Donald Trump! Come on, Harold. Donald. A 90-year-old woman in the nursing home just went, Donald Trump. Yes. Are you kidding? Gaddafi. Gaddafi. It's Donald Trump. Donald Trump. My goodness. Can't believe you didn't get that. All right. Sorry, Harold. Later. M1 Brittany from Escondido. Are you there? Yes. Would you like a person, a place, or a thing? I'm going to do a thing. You're going to do a thing? Oh. The thing with a deal and the deal with a thing.
All right, this is a thing, and you got seven clues. Okay, I am an object used for protection. Condom? Nope. Good guess. Number two, I can also be considered a fashion item. A hard hat? Nope. I am worn on the head. Sunglasses? It's how you play smart guy. You're a smart guy. You're a smart guy. Only took you three to do that. What's the prize again, Jay? It is the $20 gift certificate to Smash Brothers and a pair of Scream Zone tickets. There you go. You're going to Scream Zone and Smash Brothers. Hang on. Let's see. M1, Andy from Vista. Are you there? Yep. All right. What do you want? Person, place, or thing? I'll take a person. You want a person. All right. Let's see if you're a smart guy.
I always try to give you a break because I know some of these can be difficult. So I try to pick one that's easy for you. All right. Donald Trump. No. Wow. Okay. Here we go. I am a businessman. Donald Trump. Nope. I was born in Seattle in 1955. What? You're smart. You are the smartest smart guy. Thank you. Hang on the line. Hang in the line. All right, now we're going to play. All right, good. We're going to play just for funsies. Funsies. All right, Woodsy. All right. You want person, place, or thing? Let's go with... Let's go place. All right. You got it. You go with a place. You guys aren't putting these back in here, are you? What? No. Oh, no. We don't touch them. No. There's a stack of them that are over on the side that are the dead ones. Okay. Oh. All right.
Are you ready? Sure. What is this place? Okay. I'm a European city. You're Paris. Nope. I'm in the north of Italy. You're Florence. Nope. I'm a financial and commercial center. Roma. Alfa Romeo cars are made here. Duh. Really? Oh, he doesn't know. My God. I don't know. Next. Pass. I am home to the La Scala Opera House. Oh. Well, obviously. Damn it! What is it? Rome and Florence? Um... I have Da Vinci's painting The Last Supper. Do you know this? Does anybody know this? I have Da Vinci's painting The Last Supper. I am Italy's second largest...
Why can't I think of any cities in Italy? Rome, Florence, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I don't know. Milan. Milan! Gosh darn it, Mikey! By the way, Milan has been an inside joke to Woods and I for years. Not just Woods and I, everybody that has listened to the Mikey show for any period of time remembers that Bark Malman one time, in a limousine, was being made fun of. For us going to a boxing match and him dressed in a suit. Yeah. We're going to a boxing match. Where Boy Blunder. In Fort Worth. In Fort Worth, Texas. At Cowtown. Everybody's wearing shorts, t-shirts. Not Bark Malman. Full suit. And we go, really? With the suit? And he opens up the inside of the jacket.
And he points to the label and he goes, Milan P-Word. Yeah, that's exactly what he said. That's all. And that's all he said. Well, at first there was dead silence. And then we laughed forever. And we said Milan P-Word to him. We still do. Still. He'll text me. Milan P. And I'll text him right back. You guys are such a clown. That is super clown. L.O.B., person, place, or thing. Idiot. I will take a thing. All right. Oh. You got it. Bet you will. You little minx. I'll take a thing, all right. Oh, boy. L.O.B., I'm an object. Gosh, I wanted to say so many dirty things. Skyscraper. No. I often hang on classroom walls. A flag. No. Legends. Are written on me. A map. Yes! You're a smart guy. You are a smart guy. Three questions. It took her three questions. What are you doing? I'm getting one for you. I'm going to do Jay. I'd like to see that. Do we not do Jay? No, we do. My mind was still in the gutter. Jay, person, place, or thing? Thing. I like a thing too, Matt.
That's right. I love a thing. Let's see. I'm going to go easy on you. Thank you. All right. And away we go. I am a North American city. American city. Kansas. Oh, my God. Many songs have been written about me. Kansas. You mean Kansas City? I am built on more than 40 hills. 40 hills? It's been built on over 40 hills. I am home to Coit Tower. Wrong. In 1906, I had a massive earthquake. Glad you went easy on me. San Francisco. There you go. There you go. You're a smart guy. All right. What would you like? I would like a...
Place. Go deep. Go easy on me. We both decided on a place. We both wanted the same thing. Yes. All right, are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? I get seven questions. Are you ready? Yeah, you got to mark them off on there so you know. Seven questions. Here we go. I am a North American city. San Diego. My boulevards are lined with palm trees. Los Angeles. My altitude is 7,350 feet. Beverly Hills. I am located at the foot of two snow-covered volcanoes. That would be Maui. Diego Rivera decorated my buildings. Toronto. North American City. Isn't Toronto in North America? All right.
The Pyramid of the Sun is nearby. Las Vegas. Good guess. I was once the capital city of the Aztec Empire. Mexico City. Look at you! I figured, you know, you're Mexican, so piece of cake. How dare you? He was too close to it. Yeah, it was too close. It was the hardest. It was very hard. I won't do that. I will not choose. That again. No. Places are real tough. They're very tough. Very tough. I'm the only idiot today. Feast. 570-1949. I'm one Herald. Oh, yeah. Me and I'm one Herald. We're the only idiots. How did I end up with San Francisco if I asked for a thing? Because you're gay. Whoa. No. You asked for a thing? I did.
I was thinking that, but I was just going to keep it in. Wow. I'm going to give you a thing. Let's do it. Let's do it. Keep your mouth shut, Joey. Let's do it. All right, here we go. Put your money where your mouth is. I'm a type of food. Enchilada. Nope. Passive aggressive. Passive aggressive. I've been served with meals for centuries. Refried beans. No. Passive aggressive. I can be served hot or cold. Chorizo. No. I come in many styles and flavors. Churro. I can be eaten by vegetarians and meat eaters alike. Tamale. You are SOB. I can be bought in a can or a box. Smart guy. Carrots. Hot carrots.
jalapenos in them. No. And finally, I like to be served in a terrine. Red sauce? What was it? Soup. Oh, shoot. Menudo. It was soup. God bless it. Holy cow. Tamale. Enchirito. Churro. Tortilla. Quesadilla. Oh, God, it hurts. He is not. Jay, the truth of the matter is Jay's not racist or bigoted. But when it comes to me, he loves the Mexican joke. Oh, boy. Have you guys heard about the song that they say should be banned from cars because it makes you fall asleep? No. These scientists got together and they did like this study. And they're British and they did this study and they...
technologically figured out how you can make someone completely relaxed by using sensory waves and stuff like that in music. And they created this song and it's supposed to put you to sleep. I looked for it online. I couldn't find it. You got it, Jay? Jay will have it in a second. It's called Weightless. It's called Weightless. And I'm wondering, is this just a creative promotion technique? You know what I mean? Yeah. And I don't know. I don't know if they're using it as creative promotion technique or what. But anyway, Jay will find it and when he does, we'll play it. Jay with all the creative ideas from our meeting yesterday. That was something, wasn't it? That was something else. Always is. It always is. And in true Jay fashion,
He wanted to get under wood skin and said, how about we read that letter from your ex again? Of course. Why don't we do that? Yeah. And we said, well, Jay, we've kind of, you know, we've done that. We've read that thing. I mean, wouldn't it kind of get under, wouldn't that get, you know, him all riled up again? Wouldn't that rile up Woods? It's so embarrassing. He goes, it sure would. I think it's strong enough to do it, this quote. Yeah. Jay goes, he's still got them. Saw them in his backpack. It's true. You still have them. Yes. Yes, you do. I have, gosh, I have. It's letters from your ex. Like a hundred of them. In your backpack? Yeah. She mailed them to me. It was my ex-girlfriend from middle school and high school, beginning of high school. And I needed them for the bit. She sent them to me. I've got them. And they're not letters from her. They're letters I wrote to her. They're mortifyingly embarrassing. Mortifyingly. Yes, they are. And there's probably a hundred of them. And you haven't sent them back yet? No. Huh. Is Jamie not going to get mad if you haul anything around? First of all, huh what? Huh. Is Jamie mad that you have them? I don't know that Jamie knows about it. Well, she does now. But I don't know that she... She was a little... Oh, you know what? That's such an interesting point. Why don't I pull the curtain back a little? Is it okay if I pull the curtain back? Yeah, yeah. We need a sound effect of a curtain being ripped back. Like the first class one? Yes.
Because during our meeting yesterday, we were talking about the Xbox. Ah, the Xbox. Why are you pulling the curtain back on me and not Jay? Because you were just giving Woodsy what is known in the business as the business. I was only repeating the question that Jay threw out there. Let's see what the ladies and gentlemen in the audience think about this. Oh, boy. We said, what about the Xbox? The Xbox is a box that every, well, that some people have that holds mementos from your ex. Sure. It's called the Xbox. Yeah. And I said, I think we did that before. We did. I think we talked about that before. We did, briefly. And, well, kind of got us remembering when we talked about it and the fact that L.O.B.
Was a little bit upset at her BFMC. Yep. Her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. Because he had an Xbox. He did. And you gave him the business. Yes. And then, after she gave him the business. Now, when L.O.B. was new to the Mikey Show, she wasn't as forthcoming as she is today. Or as brazen. Or as brazen as she is today. Probably should go back to doing that. She's come along. Probably not. She's come a long way, including, and not limited to, telling us about how when she gave him said business about his Xbox, do you know what she had in her possession at the time? I can guess. Guess, Woods. How about a freaking Xbox? That is correct, Woods. Yeah, I have the gaming system. Yeah, do you? A box with old corks in it and wilted roses and notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And our girl was like, after she gave him the business, she's driving home and she's like, I should get rid of mine. I didn't make him throw out his stuff. He threw it out. And I thought to myself, huh, I do have one at home. You know, that's interesting because I think a lot of us right now are going, huh. If you'd like to call and talk to L.O.B. It's different though.
Guys don't usually keep those things. Girls do. Oh. Double standard. Double standard. Yeah. Oh, that's fair. So they can, we can't. We, what guy keeps stuff like that? Oh, LLB, by the way. There was another double standard that was brought up yesterday that you did. You guys just going to put me on a spit? It's been a while. She hadn't been on the spit for a while. I had hidden audio yesterday, you clown. We should replay that. We will tell that story coming up here in a minute. The Mikey Show. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. 570-1949. Or text them. 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up. A hip hairstyle or lifestyle, you'll love their style. Detour is recently under new and improved...
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I have to tell you. Oh, my God. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. Mikey. Please use the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... And Jay. Please grow up. On FM 94.9. From America. No. Ireland, I believe. Getting back together. That's right. Reuniting. Who wants to come up with a nine? Strawberries. Well, it's close to Thanksgiving, so... Blueberries. Blueberries. No, I was thinking like mashed potato, like that place that Woods worked at. Oh, that's right. My horrible Irish accent. I know. I can't think of... Oh, there it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. She's the only Irish person. Yes. Irish. Irish. Irish. Irish. Irish. Well, anyway, it's going to be... All right. Eight o'clock, we're doing something really cool, but we were pulling the curtain back.
Yes, we were. And what we were pulling the curtain back is the Xbox. Yeah. See, the Xbox, by the way, is not the gaming console. We're talking about the box that you got that's got all the pictures and the letters and the postcards from the X. Which I don't have. No, you don't? No. You don't have it. Matt's moved into the Xbox category for a couple months there. Yep. But now he's back. Now he's back. Well, here's the deal. L.O.B., she likes her man to be all her man. And she wants all of her man's eyes on her. This is not unnatural. Every woman, I think, would feel this way. Every woman should. If they don't, something's wrong with the woman. And so, like a lot of women, she found out about her boyfriend, Matt Commerce's.
It was very forthcoming about it. Weird. Yes. And what was your reaction, Ms. O'Brien? I actually started singing the Boyz II Men song, It's So Hard. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. She is so... That's me exhaling. It's not even passive-aggressive. It's just outright... That's our dynamic. He was laughing. It's just aggressive. He was laughing. But you weren't kidding. I mean, yeah, he was laughing. So you just were you holding on to those memories? Oh, my God. Just in case. Is that your J.I.C.? Is that your just in case? No, this is this is bunched up with a bunch of stuff. There's letters here. Let's see. I got a letter from my mom in here. I got there's a letter from. Oh, it's an awfully big stack of letters from a girl that will go unnamed. Meanwhile, well, then he went by the ranch. I mean, L.O.B.'s. L.O.B.'s closet. He threw them away in the dumpster in front of me and was like, this is how much they mean to me. Put them in the dumpster. I was like, now don't go fishing those out later. You could get sick. She sure did. Meanwhile, and by the ranch we mean L.O.B.'s closet existed her own Xbox. And so now I'll do what Matt couldn't have done.
This is just hard to say goodbye to yesterday. You know, I completely forgot that I had these. Oh, you did? That's interesting because it seems like you don't forget. You don't forget anything. Well, I just moved. So it was like a stack of stuff. You know what I mean? And it was just boxes of stuff. And you and I weren't that serious when I packed up my stuff. Just interesting because you seem to have kept. A lot of old and, you know, the difference between your Xbox, my Xboxes. I can't find any letters from your mom or dad in here. It seems to be all X's. In fact, I would have to say that one of us has more of a true Xbox than the other. I'm a girl, so girls keep that kind of stuff. Matt, can I point something out? Yeah, absolutely. Your girlfriend, Lauren, just said she just moved. Yes. Typically, when one moves, one goes through several things and they'll get rid of things. What's this? Should I take this? Is this a box? Is this a shoe box? Are there shoes in it? No, there's letters in here. Well, we know exactly what this box is. We don't even have to look in it. We know what it is. Should I put this on the moving truck? No, I keep everything, you see. I do have a box of stuff from relatives and deceased friends and relatives. And old boyfriends. Old boyfriends. Old boyfriends as well. Not anymore. Old wine corks from special nights out in New York City.
Dried flowers, corsages. Wine cork with like a date written on it. So big deal. Special night. That would be something that you do if perhaps you get engaged to write on a cork like that. I understand. Passive aggressive. Yeah. Well. I'm sure a lot of girls out there have that. Most girls my age have that, I'm sure. Yes. Next to like their wedding album or. See, you got me there. It's hard to. It's hard to. Pretty skilled. Yes. Now. The other day we were on the radio and she said on the radio. What was it, Ella B? What was it? Oh, like you don't know. Do you remember what? Whatever it was, we said, if Nalmer said that. I'll tell you what I said. What did you say? I said that Ciro. Yep. One of the guys that works in our promotions. Ciro is the hot guy in the office. Very sharp dude. And I said that he was.
Good looking or something to that effect. Oh, you didn't say that. I said something like... You said, get him in here. I did not. But then I got off the air and I said, if Matt ever did that, I would slit his throat. That is correct. With this pen. That is correct. It's different, though. I'm a comedian. Matt, bitch! Matt's a musician. So what? Just sing songs. Just don't sing Katy Perry and Adele songs to attract the women. He gets to make women swoon. Right. He does. So believe me, he does. She gets mad at him for things that are not his fault. Right. Yes. It's not Matt's fault. That is true. It is not. It is not Matt's fault. It's not his fault that he gives the googly eyes while he sings, feel like making love. That's his job. The quote. That's his job. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Jay. You're making it sound like he's actually making googly eyes. Well. He's not. He's just up there performing. But if he did. He has a right to. His job is to make every woman in the audience feel like they're a part of the show. Absolutely. Leave them wanting more. That is not his job. You know what I mean by more. Well, I mean, if you're trying to grow an audience, it's important to know one's audience also. Yes.
It is important, you know, because he's not playing heavy metal. No. If he was playing heavy metal, sure, all guys. But he's not. And also, isn't there something to be said, and I'm only playing devil's advocate here, but isn't there something to be said for using your gifts? His gift is, he's good looking, and he plays an academic guitar. He's got a great body. He plays... Have you heard the song by Bad Company, Feel Like Making Love? Oh, yeah. See, now that means he's appealing to the dudes because that's very typically a guy tune. Classic rock. Is it? Yeah. When you look at the girls. They ain't playing that on Sophie, are they? They're not playing that on the girl stations in town. He's playing it on an acoustic guitar while he blinks and winks. While he blinks. And winks. While he blinks. And winks. And he does it like a sideways Elvis sort of smile. And he does it right to the ladies. Now. Smart guy. Yeah, yeah. Very freaking smart. Listen. The guy has been given an appearance. He's going to use it. The guy has been given an ability to play a guitar. He's going to use it. I'm going to start using my talents as well then. You do. You do. You do voices. You are funny. You are the funniest chick on radio. Yep. So.
You use it. Yeah. Look how mad she's getting at Matt. At Matt. She's doing nothing. No, I'm not. She stopped going to his shows. Yeah. She didn't want to look at that filth. And it's funny. It's like when I do go, none of that funny business seems to happen anymore. It's just when I'm not there, I get to see videos of funny business and see comments posted. But like sex tapes and stuff? Yeah. All right. All right. L.O.B., you tell me. Matt Commerce's show. G-rated, PG, PG-13, or R? I would say G. In body language. Oh, in body language, R. Oh, my God. Clown, clown. You went to clown school. Where's the BS meter? Where's the BS meter? Hold on, I'm pretty sure. Give it to us. Oh, there it is. There's the BS meter. There's the BS meter. I hear the BS meter. It's like his body language is probably like PG-12, you know? Really? Yeah. Parental guidance is suggested. I think it's for a general audience. G-rated. He plays nursing home.
Yes, the guy plays in nursing homes. Were you trying to get Edna? Yes. That's not what I'm talking about, you clowns. He plays out just as much as he plays at nursing homes. Is it his fault? Is it his fault he's good looking? Is it his fault? No, it's not his fault. You know where she wants him to play? Gay bars. Yeah, she wants him to play heavy metal. She would be so happy if he came home and he's like, look, I got a thing for Slayer. I don't know what happened, but I got a thing for Slayer. I'm going to play thrash metal. Norwegian death metal is what I'm going to play. I want him to play wherever he wants to. I just don't want him to give sex eyes and bedroom eyes to all the girls in the audience. But he's supposed to. And she also does not want him to passive-aggressively flirt through music. Yes, I would prefer that. By the way, he's heard all of this before. Oh, yeah. So this is not a firstie. I've never asked my wife, but I can almost guarantee. I can almost guarantee. that Rebecca would agree with every word that L.O.B. is saying. Jamie, too. My wife. Jamie, no question. My wife. That it was purposefully picked for the express purpose of getting girls to freak out. He hasn't played anymore ever since I brought up the googly eyes. And if he did play it, you'd know because you would get a video sent to you. We were broken up for a couple months.
It was a great, awesome time. Oh, wow. When I first went to go see his gigs after we got back together, it was just funny that that was all of a sudden part of his set list. He was like on autopilot, like, oh, I forgot. I'm now trying to date this girl again. Maybe I shouldn't play the sex song while she's here. And then as soon as I told him that he was making the googly eyes, he took it out. I'm telling you what. If I could sing and play really well and I got up on stage. And I could sing the real sexy stuff. Done. And I'm a married man. You got on stage and you didn't sing the sexy stuff. I sang some sexy stuff. You sang the songs that nobody knew, remember? Yeah, you sang, you know, what they're called as the beast. No. The post-op. The sea side cuts. Yeah. Deep, deep, deep. Well, you know, like an oil rig. Yeah. You know, like when an oil rig digs deep. Yeah. It goes down. It's not true. Deep. So deep. I only played a couple songs that were obscure. It was like the demo tape. The majority were the hits. Hey, guys. Here's a song from. How did this get flipped onto me? Because I'm a master. How dare you? Okay. You just reminded me. Back onto her. Yeah, back onto her. Oh, no. I don't remember what it was, but I said to Rebecca, I was standing in our closet, and I said, did you hear the LOB BFMC conversation?
And she goes, oh, yeah, I was furious. Which one? And she's got to call in and say, she goes, oh, yeah, I was furious. And I go, and I was surprised. And I go, at LOB? Yeah. And she goes, no. Oh, my God. They're all sisters, dude. They're all sisters. And I go, are you serious? And she goes, that chick. And she, like, got all fired up. About whoever the girl was that L.O.B. was telling the story about. Oh, the video of her getting up and singing. She got so mad. And Rebecca was like, babe, you are so naive. Yeah, you're a sweet kid. She gave me a sweet kid bit. And I go, I put my hands on my face. I go. Are you kidding me? You're a sweet kid. These broads are fit for a straitjacket sometimes. Yes. There's no... And they all believe the same thing. They do. If we all share the same brain, then we know what that girl is up to, don't we? She wanted to go sing a song. Did she? Yes. Yeah. Okay, I have a question. The story we're talking about is, we come to work one day, L.O.B. looks at Matt's page, and there's a girl on stage with him singing a song. Talented girl singing. She goes, oh.
This is interesting. I didn't know about this last night. Didn't hear about that. And we're like, what? It's no big deal. She went up there. It's a jam. They're musicians. They jam. Yes. And I go, L.O.B. What if the girl was 300 pounds? And hideous. With a snaggle tooth. Would you be mad? She said no. I wouldn't be. No, she wouldn't. And neither would my wife. And neither would your wife. Neither would my wife. So? Dude, when I was in Dallas playing in a band, my wife almost divorced me. We had been married about two weeks. This really cute girl. Used to come watch us play. And she's a phenomenal singer. She asked, can I play with you guys one night? And we, we, we, me and Wes. Why don't you start your own band? Mikey, we said yes. We said yes. And Jamie went. Start your own band. Jamie went through the roof. The roof. Good. She should have. So tell the story though, Ella B. A girl came up on stage with Matt. Yeah, but then it was like. post it all boastfully. Like, check it out. He didn't post it. Of course he didn't post it. Because he didn't even tell me about it. Because he didn't want to get caught. Right. That's the first thing he has to do is come home and tell you about it. None of that stuff gets told to me. So I say to Rebecca, I go, can you believe that crazy story? And Rebecca is like, yeah. I was irritated. And I go, at LLB? And she goes, no! At that girl and at Matt. Oh my god, poor Matt!
Babe? Yeah? Rebecca believes that these girls all have an agenda. They do. They all have an agenda. They want to get their music heard. I was so mad with the one where... Some girls were, like, buying Matt a coffee or something. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Remember that one? Remember this one? Oh, my gosh. Trust me. We got into it with that one. A coffee? Oh, it's his fault. Listen to this. Listen to this. It's just a coffee. Listen to this. Listen to this. So, L.O.B. sees on her boyfriend's Facebook page that some girl said, your music was incredible. It literally made my day. I could listen to it all day. Oh, my gosh. She remembers word for word. And so Matt writes back, hey, thank you, and thank you for the drink. It was delicious. It was delicious. Well, it turns out that it was high school girls, and they bought him a coffee. Yeah, they sure did. Which is so weird and inappropriate. He doesn't even drink coffee.
He doesn't even drink coffee. I'm not walking through the mall and, you know, stop to enjoy a singer and decide to go buy him a coffee. You don't do that unless you're flirting. Oh, or unless you're nice. Yeah. Unless you're kind. Or appreciative. Or appreciative. Or you think it's a kind gesture. So next time I'm at the mall, how will you feel about a nice gentleman? Attractive. Attractive gentleman stopping to buy me a coffee. Well, that's just weird. You're not performing. Yeah. You're not performing. People bring us coffee all the time up here. Yeah. It doesn't mean they want to make sex to us. When a guy comes in here and he brings a bunch of donuts, he must be trying to have sex with us. They know us. Yeah, it's different. They know us. They know Matt. They know Matt. Do they? Rebecca was so on board with L.O.B. Because we know what these girls are doing. Really? A high school girl. A high school girl. What? Please. She posted that comment 10 minutes after seeing him. You know what? Cor brought you...
A kombucha? Yes. Oh, my gosh. Corb knows me. Did you go home and tell Matt that day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you go home and say, hey, by the way, by the way. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. She's unbelievable. I know Corb. You're unbelievable. Yeah, I know. If a random guy just bought me a drink. The first time he brought it up, we did not really know him. No, that's not true. That's true. I knew Corb. And if that would have happened from a random person, if I was doing a performance at the mall, I would have said. Oh, no, thank you. And then I probably would have told Matt. Okay. Now, wait a minute. Now, you know M1 Bookworm. Yes. Let's say that she happened to see Matt perform somewhere. She knows him. Oh, she knows him. Right. Okay. Let's say it was M1 Lush. And M1 Lush happened to see him at a bar. She knows him, too. Okay. She's not going to give. She's going to be her. If it's an M1 that doesn't know him. And then says, I know you because I listened to the Nike show. Of an LOB, yeah. And I know you because of LOB. And I bought you this gin and tonic. And, you know, it's for you. Yeah. I think the gin and tonic is a step up for you. Oh, wow.
Look at Rebecca. Look at Rebecca. Rebecca wouldn't like it. However, if they introduce themselves as like, that's how they know him from knowing that he's my boyfriend, that's a lot different than having no idea who I am, no idea what his story is, and just thinking that, oh, because I buy him a coffee, he's going to give me sex. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. It's so funny because I would be fine with people, all sorts of people, bringing you stuff to the studio. No problem. They're coming in, you know, hanging out, whatever. If you were, like, just out in the community, you know, like grocery shopping or whatever, I would not like if somebody was like, hey, here, you know, I bought you a drink. Oh, wow. Yeah, weird. Kehlani, Mike and I went to Kehlani's the other day. She gave us free dessert. She's a business owner. Oh. to her establishment. Yeah, we are patrons. Okay, so if we were at Kehlani's and there were a person there that bought us a dessert because they appreciated us, would that be bad? Was it a female? Yes. Yes. Hot.
They're all sisters. They're all linked. They're all linked together. All their periods sync up real good. That's why. And you know what, girls? You can expect the same from me. I'm not going to go jumping on your man's grave. I don't do that either. Or whatever. I would never buy some random person. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Unless you're M1 Adrian, who is a very... Very attractive husband. There we go. Oh, wow. I'm just kidding. She knows I'm kidding. Oh, wow. She knows I'm kidding. I love you, baby. I love you. Love you. You, too, with the I love you. I love Rebecca for having my back. I do love Rebecca. Yeah. Becca's a little angel. Yeah, she is. Look at her. I didn't say look at her. I meant her personality and the way she's such a good mother and wife. That's what I appreciate about her. Hey. You should get your wife tomorrow on a prank when you go to see Taylor Swift. You have such a video. You have such a filthy mind. What, Woods? What should I do? You have such a filthy mind. Dude, if she starts dancing. Oh, my gosh. You should videotape her just to get her. And I go. I don't think that. Oh, yeah. I should. Because she gets me all the time. Yeah, dude. She gets you all the time. And she'll just be like, arms up, just dancing. You are a clown. Damn.
I want everybody to hear. I want everybody to hear this thing next. And you tell all your friends, text all your friends, be listening. And they can go back to the stations. Even if they don't listen to us, they can go back to the other station they listen to. But I want you to hear this thing next. I think it's important. Part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY at G. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. The president and founder of Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, Angelo DeMonte. Frankly, I'm tired of all the negative news. You only live once, and as my grandfather always told me, it only costs a little bit more to get the best. Well, guess what? Now it doesn't cost you a little bit more. For as low as $349 a month, you can be driving a brand new Mercedes-Benz. Why not do that today? We have a great selection at Mercedes-Benz of Escondido.
People locally and all over Southern California come to Mercedes-Benz of Escondido not only for the price, but for the quality of treatment that they receive. These are relationships that have been made over years. The relationships are what it's all about. That's why Mercedes-Benz of Escondido is number one. $349 lease price available for Tier 1 credit. Down payment, dealer document fees, taxes, and license to its signing. See Mercedes-Benz of Escondido for details. Meteorologists believe his ghost stories are the actual cause of thunder. When there's something strange in his neighborhood, he deals with it with a swift and disapproving glance. Spirits will haunt a house just hoping to meet him. His recipe for deviled eggs involves actual witchcraft. He's never walked into a spider web. When the zombies come, he will be waiting. He is...
The most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Enjoy Dos Equis responsibly. Imported by Cervezas Mexicanas, White Plains, New York. Stay thirsty. October is here, everyone. So that means that Halloween is right around the corner. And this year, you should start your Halloween weekend off right. Come join me, LOB, at the Skins Fearless 5K. This is going to be fun for the whole family. You can run, you can jog, you can walk, and you can have strollers and dogs. And, of course, because it's Halloween, we're going to have a costume contest. It's going to be sponsored by the Haunted Hotel. So dress up early. You know you're going to be dressing up that night. Afterwards, we've got a free post-race breakfast. Perfect. Right after you. run you want to feast on something and after you give it all your guts and your glory and you run this 5k you want to relive the race for all eternity well guess what everyone that participates is going to get a finisher's medal and free race photos this is being held saturday october 29th admission bay that's right i said saturday most races most 5ks out there on sundays and then you gotta rest up all weekend and you don't get to party well this is halloween weekend we're gonna party visit fearlessraces.com to register and get more information about that that's
That's fearlessraces.com. Some things should just be free, like your bags when you're traveling, airplane meals, and the debit card that comes with your checking account. Luckily, you can still get a free visa check card and fantastic checking with no hidden fees from Navy Federal Credit Union. And we think you should get other free stuff, like free checks, mobile banking, free web bill pay, free ATMs, and you should be free of monthly debit card fees. Don't pay for what's free. Open your select checking account at navyfederal.org. It's as easy as a walk in the park. And just as free. And the winner of the 33rd Annual Pumpkin Weigh Off is... A 1,524-pound pumpkin. Amazing. Oh, thank you. What's your secret? Frank's Red Hot. I put that s*** on everything. Frank's Red Hot Sauce goes on anything. It's aged cayenne peppers add real flavor to jambalaya, ribs, collard greens, steaks, fries, sausage, onion rings, crab legs, chicken, chili, and even prized pumpkins. Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I put that s**t.
on everything. Hi there, this is L.O.B. here to talk to you about Ovation Cell Therapy. Recently, one of my male friends, who will not be named, was telling me how great Ovation is working for him. L.O.B., this is great. I don't know what's going on. My hair's soft. I know. And don't forget that it's stronger. Yeah, yeah. And it's shiny. I know, Woods. I mean, person that will go unnamed. It's the advanced formula from Ovation, which is an even better product than the original cell therapy system from Ovation. Ovation worked for me. It worked for my unnamed friend who, despite any similarities, does not bear any resemblance to anyone that you might know or anyone that might also be on the Mikey show. And it's going to work for you. It's guaranteed. Or your money back. So go to OvationHair.com and get yourself the Ovation Cell Therapy System. And when you check out, put in FM949 and you're going to get a special introductory discount. So that's OvationHair.com. Enter FM949 at checkout and get your special introductory discount. It might seem hard to lead a healthy life today, but it's easy when you practice the ancient art of on-the-side-ism. Let's start with salad. Just have the ranch, the Roquefort, the Italian, or the Thousand Island on the side. Put the mayo on the side of your turkey sandwich. And leave the butter and sour cream as optional equipment on your baked potato.
On-the-side-ism fears no sassy waitress, snooty chef, or emasculating comment from a friend. And it isn't just a way around the menu, it's a way of life. It's a towel. So go ahead, work those long hours at the office, but make sure to have some playing with the kids on the side. For every hour you're stuck in traffic, make sure you have a minute of bike riding on the side. Zone out in front of the TV, but go out dancing on the side. It's an easy ideal to practice, but at Kaiser Permanente... We think this mantra of moderation can have big-time results on the way you look, the way you feel, and the way you thrive. Visit kp.org slash thrive. There are times when a race is such a close call, it requires a photo finish to determine the victor. In the race for best luxury sedan, let's see how the BMW 7 Series performs. It has a considerably lower starting MSRP than the Mercedes S-Class, considered thousands less. There are 13 exciting 7 Series models to choose from, more than any of its peers. Choose from five horsepower options, two-wheel or X-Drive intelligent all-wheel drive, even gasoline or hybrid technology. Also, BMW includes no-cost maintenance, saving you thousands. And for a limited time, gets special finance offers. Well, it's obvious to the naked eye, no photo finish necessary. The 7 Series wins. The photo is just to get a great shot of you behind the wheel. Easily accomplished with a test drive at a BMW center today.
For ultimate service details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. Take advantage of no-cost maintenance on the BMW 7 Series today. Visit sdcountybmw.com for details. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, your participating Toyota dealer, has a $25 mail-in rebate for any True Start or True 2 battery installed. Why wait? Visit the expert. See your Toyota dealer for details. Problem here on the 125 northbound out of La Mesa right before Lemon Avenue. Car is stuck. Things backing up behind it. The 125 southbound before Spring Street. Car went off the roadway down the embankment. Somebody going the wrong way on the right shoulder. I think that was a song. the 15 northbound before Camino del Norte. This report brought to you by Farmers Insurance. Don't have a Farmers Insurance agent? Well, you may not be saving as much as you could. Farmers has dozens of discounts. They could save you hundreds of dollars. Just call Farmers Agent Charles Phillips. His number, 619-585-3484 and start saving. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report.
Bird, Bird Sur Shed with the FM 94.9 authentic surf report on a Thursday morning. Don't forget this Saturday, come check out Nightmare on Neptune, world premiere of the local surf movie. It's going to be a fun time, slideshow included. Check it out. Surf-wise today, looking kind of a little bit better maybe than yesterday with a touch more south-southwesterly direction mixing in with a bit of northwest at the same time as two. Looking at waves running in the heat-away side zone on average, a few pluses at the standout spots. Beach breaks once again look to be the place to go this morning. Fairly clean, maybe a light little south wind on it. As day continues, tide drops out. Some of the reef breaks open to the south's wall could have some surf as well. Overcast skies will breach you, likely to stay that way throughout the remainder of the day. Light and variable winds this morning. As of south, just a bit, but pretty clean for the moment. Water temp down there in that lower 60-degree level. So there are some ways to be ahead. Nothing special. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surpline.com. And this Saturday, I'll see you at Burr's Surfshed for the world premiere. of Nightmare on Neptune. The authentic support can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. There you go. Do I know you? Mikey. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Welcome. I told Rebecca I loved her for the first time through text message. Woods. Woods. Are you kidding? Woods. It was very heady. I don't like that. I like gritty drama. Lauren. Just give me your opinion and I'll be on my way. And Jay. Keep it together. Why?
On FM 94.9. Lest anybody accuse me of emotional terrorism, I don't want you to. And the reason that I don't want you to is because this is a big issue for me. It's a big issue for me. The reason that it's a big issue for me is because of divorce. I do not fault you. If you've gotten a divorce, hey, listen, I understand. My deal is always it's not about this. It's about what next. OK, so if you are in a situation where you feel like getting a divorce or you are close to getting a divorce, I really want you to hear this story because it changed my mind about something. And I realized through the process of it that I had become cynical and I don't like that about myself.
I think of it as a character flaw. It's a character flaw to be cynical about everything. And sometimes I can be. And I will admit when I'm wrong, I was wrong. I was wrong because this is an American story. It's about American culture, but not culture from today. The culture from today will tell you that if it didn't work out, that you change it and you get out. But this story comes from two kids. Dennis and Donna. I'm going to read it to you. Family members said the story of Gordon and Norma. Gordon was 94. Norma, 90, is a real-life love story. On the day she graduated from high school, she accepted Gordon's marriage proposal. They got married May 26, 1939. State Center, Iowa. Their son, Dennis, says, yeah, they're very old-fashioned. They believed in marriage till death do you part.
Now, Dennis, the youngest, okay? His sister, Donna, she's the oldest. Donna said, yeah, staying together for 72 years is good. I'd say that's exceptional. The way they tell it, dad was pretty much the life of the party. Gordon was the life of the party, where mom, Norma, she kind of kept everything together. Dennis says, yeah, anybody come over? She was the hostess with the mostest. She just seriously, the more she did, the more she smiled. Dad be the center of attention. Go look at me. And mom was like, get away from me. He says, you know, we even got a picture like that. Norma really didn't want distance, though. Family said she hardly left Gordon's side for 72 years. Hardly left his side. Dennis says they love being together. Everybody argues every once in a while. But dad used to say, I got to stick around. I can't go until she does because I have to stay here for her. And mom basically said the same thing. Dennis said that.
They left their house last Wednesday. They were going into town, but they didn't make it. Intersection of Highway 30 and Jessup Avenue, Gordon pulled in front of an oncoming car. Dennis says, I rushed from Des Moines, where I was working, and I saw him in the hospital. In the intensive care unit at Marshalltown's Hospital, nurses knew not to separate Gordon and Norma. Dennis said, yeah, they put him in the same room. And they were holding hands there in the ICU. And they weren't very responsive. Gordon died at 3.38 p.m. He was holding hands with his wife. As their entire family that they had built together surrounded them. Dennis says it was really strange because they were holding hands and Dad stopped breathing. I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going. But he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heartbeat? And the nurse checked and said it's because they were holding hands. And it's going through them.
Her heart was beating through him and picking it up on the monitor. Sister said, yeah, they were still getting her heartbeat through him. At 4.48 p.m., one hour after Gordon died, Norma passed away too. Donna said that neither one of them would have wanted to be without each other. She said, I couldn't figure out how it was going to work. We were very blessed, honestly, that it went this way. Dennis said they just loved being together. At their funeral two days ago, Norma and Gordon held hands in their casket. And the family said that they will be cremated and their ashes mixed together. Here's the question. Do you believe that there was ever a time in those 72 years that they felt like they'd grown apart? Because the truth is, when a plant grows, grows different branches, grows apart.
But it's the same plant. It's one plant. Everybody knows that I feel real strongly about it. Part of the reason that I feel as strongly about it is because my very parents have been married for 54 years. And my dad loves my mom every bit as much today as he did when he married her. He still calls her his bride. You know, I was over at their house this weekend. I heard my dad. say to my mom, who now has Alzheimer's disease, I heard my dad say to my mom that they were making breakfast. He told her that there was some juice in the refrigerator. I was in the other room. I came out. And when I came out, about 10 minutes later, my mom said, where's the juice? My dad said, it's in the refrigerator, hon. I told you. My mom got real irritated. She said, no, you didn't. No, you didn't.
And my dad stayed real calm. He said, you're right, I didn't. He took a vow. He's from a different generation where you didn't just... He's from a generation where that just wasn't an option. When she started to get mad at him, I got mad. I had a divorce before. I asked him, how come you didn't get a divorce? We just didn't. And they're still in love. So here's the point. I used to think that the end of The Notebook was the stupidest thing in the world. What a fairytale ending. Dying in each other's arms. Doesn't happen in real life, I said. Stuff doesn't happen. It does happen. It does happen. It happens because it's in the news today. And his name is Gordon Yeager and her name is Norma Yeager. And it happened just like that. I've seen a lot of wrecked families. And I hope that being on the radio transcends more than just being on the radio.
I hope that somehow it makes an impact on you. And if you're considering it today that you go, maybe we just don't do it. If we were thinking about getting a divorce, maybe one of us just gives in. Maybe I give in. Maybe you say to yourself, maybe I give in. I love my wife. I love my wife more today than I ever have. And she pisses me off. She pisses me off and I piss her off. But she's the only one I got. She's the only wife I got. Coming up. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949-MIKEY-X. This is the Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. It's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out, like Thursday night, Stephen Malkmus and the Jixx are at the Belly Up. Saturday, it's Rocktoberfest at West Coast Tavern with Everest, the Sawpack, Bully, Loa Volts, the Creepy Creeps, and a bunch of other bands. Manchester Orchestras at House of Blues on the 26th. Lemonheads play the Soda Bar on the 29th.
And November 5th, it's Guildfest, where we'll be celebrating the FM 94.9 9th anniversary bash. Matthew Sweet, Telekinesis, the Stone Foxes, and 32 local breweries pouring their finest. That's the San Diego Brewers Guild Festival at Liberty Station. And still to come, City in Color with Hacienda, Black Joe Louis and the Honey Bears, Morrissey, the Blackheart Procession, Peter Murphy, Dinosaur Jr., Pinback, and even a Mute Math show at 4th and B, February 3rd, 2012. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. Great. Now my perfectly... Perfect eyes. My 2015 eyes are filled with tears because of that beautiful story that Mike told. I love you, honey. I know you're listening. Listen, L.O.B. and I went to Dr. Sandy T. Feldman and Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We both got our eyes done. I got mine done last July. L.O.B. a couple months. Got an email from a guy yesterday. And he goes, all right, Woodsy, give me the straight scoop. Have you had any vision loss?
Have there been any complications? I said, dude, my vision's improved since I got it done. How are your eyes doing, L.A.B.? They're perfect. I mean, they're better than before I had to wear my first pair of glasses, which were the Sally Jesse Raphael big rimmed glasses. Of course. And I've never been able to see this good in my life. No complications other than I can see better than I ever have, which means I can see Matt making googly eyes. girls at his gigs. Maybe Matt doesn't see so well and he should go to Dr. Sandy T. Feldman at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. They have a They have some options for you. It can be an expensive procedure, but they have options. They're going to help you finance the whole thing. Just go in and see them. They're going to tell you all the business end of it. Give them a call today for a free consultation, 858-452-3937. Or you can go online at clearvieweyes.com. That's clearvieweyes.com. Oh, yeah.
Brides and grooms, San Diego's biggest and best bridal show is coming to the Del Mar Fairgrounds Sunday, October 23rd. It's the Bridal Bazaar. There's flowers, there's caterers, there's cakes, there's everything is here. It's awesome. It's kind of everything's here so you can compare and get ideas. All the vendors here, everyone's been really great and the quality of everything is really great too. You get ideas for things you've never even thought of, things you would have never thought to add to your wedding. At the Bridal Bazaar, you'll meet more than 200 exhibitors with everything. Everything you need for a perfect wedding, including a spectacular bridal fashion show by Gretchen Productions. A lot of those dresses I've actually seen in magazines and I've wanted to try them on, so now I know where I can go and put them on. I like the dresses a lot. I thought the dresses were beautiful. The little children's outfits were absolutely adorable. Plus, you can register to win a pair of diamond earrings from John Franklin Jewelers. The Bridal Bazaar, Sunday, October 23rd at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. Tickets and discount coupons at bridalbazaar.com. If your heart's in it, discount. This is the place to be. While you usually set strict guidelines for spending, it's easy to get sidetracked during the holidays. What with all the discounts, sales, and super sales. There's your brother-in-law who wanted those country western collector plates. And grandma will be thrilled if you can find anything with a happy cat on it. Which is why we're with you when you're looking for an easier way to stick to your budget. Because when it comes to your finances, Wells Fargo has the tools to help get you through the holidays. With a debit card or credit card from Wells Fargo, you can set up account alerts to help you stay on track.
Alerts can be sent to your phone or your email so you'll know the moment you've reached the limits you set. And setting up account alerts is free because we know you've got enough to budget for already. This holiday, take comfort knowing you have the tools to stay in control of your spending, giving you more time to focus on the important things like where to find country western collector plates. Call, click, or stop by to learn more about account alerts. Wells Fargo. Together we'll go far. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Your mobile carrier's text messaging and web access charges may apply. How to go on a tropical vacation without going to the tropics. Step one, go to McDonald's and order a new McCafe mango pineapple real fruit smoothie made with low-fat yogurt starting at $2.39. Welcome to McDonald's. Hi, I'd like a mango pineapple smoothie. Step two, lay in a hammock. If your car doesn't have a hammock, pull over and lay the seat back. Step three, roll down all the windows and turn on the radio. Ah, there it is, man. Step four. Slip off your shoes and take a long, delicious sip of your mango pineapple smoothie, savoring that luscious mango and juicy pineapple flavor. Step five, repeat step four as often as desired. Donald's new mango pineapple smoothie, starting at 2.39. The simple joy of paradise in every sip.
Price and participation may vary. Monopoly is back at McDonald's. Now with a one-in-four chance of winning prizes, cash, or a free one-night movie rental at Redbox. Monopoly at McDonald's. The simple joy of winning. See McDonald's for details. Many locations now open 24 hours. These days, you see a lot of Boar's Head wannabes. Brands of cold cuts that say, well, they're sort of, kind of, almost as good as Boar's Head. Truth is, they're not even close. Being borsaid means using only the best cuts of meat and the highest quality artisan cheese. These cost money, and wannabes won't spend it. Being borsaid means never using scraps or artificial colors, never cutting corners to save a few cents, never making compromises. Being borsaid also means only offering our products to stores that we trust will handle and serve them well. These stores want to stand for the best, and they know you can't be a first-rate store and sell second-rate cold cuts. So it's no surprise that the highest quality grocery stores and independent markets in America carry Boar's Head instead of the wannabes. What brand of cold cuts does your store sell? Boar's Head. Compromise elsewhere. Try a slice of Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets, gourmet stores, and fine eateries.
BMW Encinitas announces a model year-end sales event. To make room for the 2012 models, thousands of 2011s must go. Right now, lease a 2011 528i for only $479 a month. That's right, a 528i for $479 a month. Fully equipped with leather alloy wheels and much more. Our 2012 models are arriving by the truckload. So it's your last chance to get a great deal on 2011's at BMW Encinitas. Now through Sunday on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. Or visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. 36-month lease, $49.95 to at least inception. $0 security deposit, 10K miles per year, 20 cents per excess mile with approved above average credit. Must finance with BMW Financial Services. Offer expires end of month. This report, it's brought to you by Del Taco. It's Thursday, Taco Night at Del Taco. Get three chicken soft tacos for $2.09.
That's three chicken soft tacos, 209 every Thursday from 3 to 11 at participating Del Taco restaurants. What looks like the 125 southbound before Spring Street, there's an accident here. This car went off the roadway down the embankment. In La Mesa, the 125 northbound before Lemon Avenue, a car is stuck. And as you head into Pine Valley, the 8 westbound before Kitchen Creek Road, there's an injury accident. This report brought to you by Mossy Nissan at Mossy Nissan National City. Get a 2007 Saturn, only $10,000. Go to mossydeals.com now. That VIN number 207-689. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I'm in love with Woods. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like the skateboard. On FM 94.9. Mikey Show, hello. Hello. Hey, Mike, what's going on? This is Edwin Gary. What's going on, Gary? Hey, bro. I'm driving from San Diego. I left last night to Arizona, and I'm in a town called Payson. And if I go any further east of this, I'm going to lose reception. So I stopped here and waited until 8 o'clock. Oh, wow. I'm telling you, I waited an hour from 7 to 8, 8 at McDonald's. You were speaking to me. My wife and I split up a month ago. And I'm a Marine at Camp Pendleton, and she moved back to Arizona. And last night, I made a conscious decision just to go back.
and get her back. Oh, man. I'm like two hours from there right now. Unbelievable. I don't know. I didn't think you were going to talk about that. I thought it'd probably be about your son, which I love, your autism stuff. But when you started talking about that, that music started, dude, big old tears coming out of my eyes. I'm telling you, God works in mysterious ways, and he meant for that for me. I'm telling you right now. I think that there... Man, you just got me with that. I think there's a lot of people. that it's speaking to them. I think that there's a lot of people that are thinking about it. Wow. That's what made the decision to go do this. I just told my boss that I need six days off. I've got to take some time off. I drove 600 miles, me and my dog. I'm in the back of the car and I'm about two hours from there right now. I could have been halfway there or closer, you know, but I needed, I felt this, like, urge to wait until 8 o'clock just to list cut. I mean, I love you guys. Some people say I love the Micah show. No, I love you guys. Thank you, bro. Go get her, dude. Go get her. Go get her, brother. Go get her, bro. Bring flowers. Go get her. I'm going to. I'll send some love on Facebook for you guys. Thank you, man. Thank you, bro. We love you. Go get her. What a man. That was great. M1 Shawna from San Diego.
Hi. Hi, Mikey. I come from a long line of divorce. Everybody in my family is divorced. My grandparents, aunts, uncles. My brother recently decided that he's not in love with his wife anymore. And I have some really strong opinions. I've been married for almost 10 years. And I think that the whole growing apart, we don't have anything in common, is a bit. I think that in marriage, as in any relationship, you do grow and you develop and you develop individual interests, character flaws come to the surface, and you either choose to embrace those things that you've just recently found out about your spouse, good or bad, and celebrate those differences and those newfound interests and talents, and you celebrate them and you get to know them in a deeper, more intimate way, or you choose to take the easy way out and say, You know, we just don't have anything in common anymore. I don't feel those feelings for you anymore. And you bail. You know, my wife would not choose to go see The Thing. It would not be her first choice. But she does it. I don't like going to shows. I don't like going to concerts. It's just not my thing. I'm going to see Taylor Swift tonight. Because I love my wife.
And I know how happy she's going to be. And I got to work tomorrow. And I usually get up at one o'clock in the morning. If you get home about 11. Yeah. You know, and I got to work. And we're coming in. And, you know, you do stuff. You do stuff. And yes, you know, thank you for the call. A good friend of mine. I was talking to a good friend of mine. And he recently got a divorce. And he had this analogy. It was SGNT. Sounds good. Not true. Call that SGNT. Now, the analogy was he recently got a divorce and he said, you know, here's the deal, man. He said, I kind of think of it like it's your you're on skis, your water skiing and you just collapse and you're just holding on while it drags you across the lake and you're just getting beat up through it.
And I finally realized, just let go. And in my head, I thought, SG&T. Boy, I mean, when you hear it. It's so visual. It's so visual. And it first hits you. You've been there. You've been there. You've been water skiing. You've been dragged. You know? And I guess the deal is, is that you don't get good at water skiing unless you get back up. In fact, you'll never learn to water ski unless you get back up. Some people will never learn to water ski because they'll quit. And when they quit, they can say, listen, it's not for me. It didn't work. You know, I kept falling down. It didn't work. I got my ass kicked. Yeah. Now, I always I've said, man, if it's an abusive relationship, get out of the house, get out of there. I've said that and I believe that. But the only reason that I believe that you get a divorce is for infidelity.
Because it's breaking the covenant. But I do believe that my wife and I are one person. I used to not be allergic to sulfur. I wasn't allergic to anything. My wife is allergic to sulfur. February 12, 2008, I took sulfur and broke out into hives and took pictures of it. That's a weird story. It's also true. I know what she's thinking. She knows what I'm thinking. Absolutely. I can tell you, you know, the whole thing about, you know, we fell out of love. Rebecca and I have fallen out of love. And then we fell right back into it. Yeah, dude. It happens. I call it, in our house, I call it peaks and valleys. And I'll even say, valley. Like that. If things aren't going, if things, if we're bitchy at each other, I think I said it like last week. I go, we're so in the valley. Like that? Mm-hmm.
Kind of meaning it, kind of not, kind of making a joke. We have a very jokey marriage and relationship. So do we, just for the record. Oh, boy. People on Facebook. Yes. But that's our thing, and it works. We went to see the Foo Fighters Monday night. Dude, I was tired. We love concerts. She slept in the studio with me, and we called it our little adventure. I was like, babe, we're having a little adventure. And she goes, I love having little adventures with you, and I always will. And, dude. I mean, it's stuff like that. That's awesome, man. Yeah, I mean, that's our thing. We love going to shows, and it brings us together. So I slept on the couch, she slept on the love sack, and I was like, I hate this. So I went over and laid on the love sack, and we cuddled for a little while. And then it got too hot, and I went back to the couch. The moral of the story is that it's really hard for us to be apart, and we don't really dig it too much. Hey, dude, if you wrote a book on how to stay together, it could be... And then it got too hot and I went on the couch. Yeah. Because sometimes it does. Sometimes it gets too hot and you got to go to the couch. Yeah. And you know what? But you don't go somewhere else. What you don't do. And listen, I'm going to say it. I'm going to tell you like it is. And a lot of guys and a lot of women know this. You know perfectly well that the reason that you allowed it to get to that point is because you wanted strange and you know it. And I'm saying it. Yeah. And the idea of strange got into your head and it couldn't get out of there. And you kept thinking to yourself.
I could be getting some strange pee. Yep. Sorry. I mean, it's a true statement. Sorry. That's it. That's the truth, dudes. I know that there's some of you listening right now, and you're like, S.O.B., it's true. Yeah, it's not worth it. I wanted some, you know, I met this chick. She was into me. She's into me, and, you know, things weren't going well anyway with the old lady. Listen. Listen, dude. You are going to be one miserable, sad sack. And I'll tell you why. Because you're just giving up one set of problems for another. Let's keep the problems you've already invested in, pal. Yes. And if you get married, remember this. If you have a fairy tale in your head that the person that you marry is going to stay like that, they're not. They're going to change. You're going to change. You have to understand there's going to be points in your marriage where you freaking hate them. Let me say that one more time because I want it to be crystal clear. There will be times in the marriage where you look at them and the very looking at them, you go, I can't stand you. In fact, it may be the only person in the world at that point.
Like everybody else in the world, you can stand. Even that dude at work or that chick at work, you can't stand. Jay. Oh, L-O-B. There's the promo. It's a promo again. Two days in a row, she's the promo. She's all about me. Same team, Jay. Same team. What did I do to you? Oh, I saw you. I saw you on Facebook. You know what he's doing? He's catering to his flock. I don't even want to go out there because I'm so mad at him. Somebody wrote on there something about L.O.B. being crazy. Jay liked it. Even though I stuck up for him when someone called him stupid on Facebook. That's right. That's right. Same team. Same team, pal. It's what we do. Just like a marriage. She said. Allegedly. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't know. I'm not speaking from experience. By the way, that was something that I thought the other day driving home, too. I said, God had a plan for me with you guys, who I am married to, by the way. God had a plan for me for you guys because.
I would have never divorced my old team. They had to cheat on me and leave me in order for me to divorce them. Because even though I didn't like them, I was going to stay married to them. I had to get cheated on and left in order for it to happen. But it was a legal that separated it. And God had a better plan for me. Sometimes you take something out of your hand. because he wants to put something bigger in it. And I have that. And you guys are stuck with me. And I'm stuck with you. And no matter how much we ever get irritated at each other, we can't not be with each other. I know. L-O-B. Yeah, so you two better just work it out. Figure it out. Yeah, that's a great point you make, man. So anyway. So would you're saying that none of us should sit on the love sack any longer? Yes. He's been sitting on that line. He's been waiting to get that one out there. You and the missus. Yes, we made love in the studio on the love sack. Wow. Listen, after getting up at 3.30. Isolate, by the way. After getting up at 3.30 that morning, going to a concert, getting back here at 11, having to get up at 3.30, there was going to be no love making. It was straight to bed. Yes.
Yes, it's called marriage. It was a thousand degrees in here, no less. I believe it. Be best friends with the person that you're going to marry. You got it. Because at the end of the day, yes, you will have sex. But at the end of the day, that's got to be your best buddy. You have to be able to. My wife and I laid in bed the other night on Tuesday night. And we were reading the Damn You autocorrects off of the Internet. We had tears streaming down our face for an hour straight. I go, and she would look over and it didn't get old. It didn't get old. Our stomachs were hurting. We were laying there surrounded by our dogs laughing, laughing and laughing and laughing. That's what we do most of the time. If anybody ever says, hey, I'm getting married. You got any advice? Here's my advice. Don't get divorced. You'll want to. Yeah.
Don't get divorced. You'll want to. At times you will. Oh, for sure. You're going to want to. Just don't. Just don't. Because it passes like a storm and it's over and then you're happy again. And then this one day you'll be making love to her and you'll be like, oh man, I'm so glad I didn't break up with you and leave you because this is pretty good. Yeah, she'll walk out. You'll be going to dinner and she'll walk out of the bathroom like all done up and you'll look at her and go, holy crap. I got you. Yeah. I got you. I got you. Some guy made some comment about me and you the other day and I go, hey pal, have you seen our wives? I think he called us homos. And I go, have you seen our wives? They're both tense. Bisexual. Mine's a beard. Okay. It's a good looking beard. Okay, Jay. So yeah, I'm going to see Taylor Swift tonight. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. Actually, it is Taylor Swift. It's not Taylor Swift. Right. This was Taylor yesterday on television. Do you think about, are you really in the moment? Do you ever like, and this is not to diss any, because you've got to once in a while drift off and go, I wonder if this is going on. Do you ever leave that moment and go someplace in your head? You know what? Sometimes, yes. Because, you know, and I catch myself because I'm like, focus.
Focus, because if I, like, there are a million different times during that show where I could, like, fall into a hole and break my leg. Yes. Because there are, like, all these different cues, and you have to remember them. You're very young. So I'll be like, cats are so cute. I'd love a cat. Maybe I should get a cat. Can they travel on planes? Do they allow cats in hotel rooms? But they're so cute. Some cats like to swim. That's cool. And then I'm like, I'm on stage right now. Like... She has thoughts like that when she's on stage. Yeah. That's interesting. I do stuff like that. If you know, like, she has performed, I've performed my stand-up a couple dozen times. She's probably performed her songs hundreds of times. And sometimes I catch myself on autopilot and I snap too for a second. I'm like, I'm on stage. Holy cow. So sometimes, yeah, and that's, you know, I'm not.
comparing myself to Taylor Swift. No, but you're... But yeah, but I don't... Sometimes when you're just on autopilot, I can imagine that she's sang those songs so many times. Yeah, oftentimes, you know, when I'm playing semi-pro baseball on the weekends, you know, you find your mind drifting from the game at hand, from the deal. That's... And then you... It's a paid league year. Yeah, we don't pay, though. But I'll, you know, I'll be playing first base. Sponsor. And I'll be listening, you know, just... My head will be drifting. You know, away from the game at hand. I'll be like, oh, my God, I'm on the field. I'm in the middle of a semi-pro game. It's a field at high school. Like, oh, my God, I wonder if my wife's going to be able to get this grass stain out of my pants or if I'll have to go buy another pair. One time, Woods, you had to poop behind a Dipsy dumpster. Yeah. Because you didn't have use of the high school's bathroom. That's a true statement. Now, I don't know that's ever happened to Heath Bell. You don't know that it hasn't. I don't. I don't, but I think the Padres have facilities. He's professional. We're semi-professional. You're semi-professional. Have you thought, like, while you're sitting there in first base and you're looking at the high school, like, I wonder what the girls look like that go here. Like, have you ever had a thought like that? Maybe. Oh, wow. Maybe. Maybe I've reminisced on what high school is like. That's all you're doing. Yeah. You know, Footloose, Twilight, Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.
Chances Woods pretended that he was Kevin Bacon from Footloose when he was a kid. Lots. Lots. 100%. Chances I pretended I was a lot of guys in order to get girls. A lot. What do you pretend when you listen to Taylor Swift? That she's singing to me. Me too. Yeah. That you're men. You like her too. I don't. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're a liar face and you're a liar. You like her. She came in here to play acoustic. Oh, I would love it. Of course you would. I would love it. And you want to know what? You have weird thoughts like that. I bet you listen to the music and in your twisted, demented mind, you're sitting there listening to it and you're thinking, your boyfriend? Hell yeah, she put my name right in the liner notes. I want to thank my record company, Taylor Guitars, and Jay is best. For the inspiration. Dear Jay. Yes, I would break her heart. And then you need to introduce her to your daughter so that they can be friends. She's about the same age. Well, no, his daughters are younger. Older. Older, older, older. Older than Taylor Swift. Really? Great.
Colvin said... I know I did. Yeah, you're back there. I didn't actually buy the roses. I got them free from the radio station. I got them at a cemetery. I ain't gonna pay for damn roses. I ain't never paid for one set of roses for Kim. Yeah, I go to the cemetery. And they got... They're free there. One time, one time I bought Carnation. One time. Nothing fancy. Yeah. Kim don't like them. She said, I don't like them. That's right. Now, by buying them, I mean, I found them. Love this song. I'm so jealous of Taylor Swift. I wanted to be here for Halloween so I could see what it was like to be here for one day. But then I was like, I'm a 30-year-old woman. I can't be Taylor Swift for Halloween. Yeah, and just because you dress like somebody doesn't mean your life's going to be like that. My wife is a 30-year-old woman.
And she loves Taylor Swift. What is it? I don't know, but you should get some video of her at the concert tonight for sure. She can sing. She can play guitar. She was a good actress on SNL. That's one of your wife's best friends. Absolutely. She was an awful actress in Valentine's Day. Yes, she was. But she was good on SNL. He's not listening to any of you. I'm trying to steer away from the creep. I'm going to start texting Jamie. Go ahead. I ain't worried. Should be. That's the worst part of it. I know it. That's the worst. Take her. Yeah. Woods is like. Really? Woods is like. No. Woods is like. Let me tell you something, mate. Is that Jay or Woods? No, you. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, mate. My wife. My wife wouldn't have sex with you with a stolen D. She wouldn't use my D. Yeah.
I'm six with you. Implicitly trust my wife. Implicitly. My wife could go to hedonism and I wouldn't be worried. I trust my wife. You don't trust Woods. Exactly. I wouldn't do anything. Rebecca's like my sister. You filthy creep. That doesn't work, remember? I tried that on you guys yesterday. She's like my stepsister. Oh, wow. Even better. Then that means it's fair game. Yeah. No bloodline. She's like an adopted sister. Yeah, an adopted. Live right next door to you in the room. She's like my dad's girlfriend's daughter. Right. It's no big deal. You filthy creep. She's like my next door neighbor. Yeah. She's like the hot next door neighbor. She's like a nurse. Next door. Yeah, exactly. She's like a cop that wants to come and arrest me. She's like a French maid to me. I couldn't even speak to her.
She's like a sophomore in high school, Mikey. This guy just... That's darn it, man. Gosh, Jay. Look, I'm Woods, man. Come on. No way, Jose. You know cheerleaders? High school? Come on, baby. Identical Woods. Am I Elvis? When am I Elvis? Come on, baby. Hey, baby. You know how I feel about them high school girls. Come on. Come on, baby. Mixing Elvis with Michael Jackson. Hey, baby. Shimon. Y'all know how it is, right? Thank you very, Shimon. Hey, I just go down to the high school every once in a while. Easy, Woods. I'll say easy. You girls want to get with me? Yeah. It's Melvis. Melvis Prexen. Prexen. Melvis. For me, Elvis Preston.
What did you say, Sam, the other day that was so freaking funny you changed? What did you change? From Elvis? No. You were talking about Jay. No, no, no, no. Pat Robinson. Pat, yes. I got freaking Minister Pat Robinson over here. Mibles everywhere. Pat Robinson. Oh, my gosh. That killed me. It killed me. Jay, it's Pat Robertson is the guy you're thinking of. Same thing. I don't hear no difference. Mike, you going to keep the couch in there or are you finally going to replace it with pews? You're like Jack Nichols in One Flew Over Two. Hey, Mike, I talked to the engineers. Turns out they can't do stained glass in here. That organ you wanted, it's just going to be too much. We're going to do a collection plate on Fridays, Mike. Hey, Mike, instead of... Hey, Mike, quit telling Chris to go get those wifers for breakfast for you, all right? No, that ain't right.
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Yeah, and Jay. I stole from the Rolling Stones dressing room. I got this little coffin thing. I stole it from there on FM 94.9. Wearing purple lipstick up there real good. Long hair. It's Tom Kiefer. I know. I just, you know, I didn't like it when the guys would dress like that. I just wanted them to wear jeans and a t-shirt. Now, see, I liked Tesla a lot, and they wore jeans and t-shirts. And back then, though, I was like... No. You guys are so lame. You're good musicians, but you're lame. Oh, I thought that was the coolest thing. Give me the tease. Oh, I thought it was. I hated it. You know, and I never thought that my wife puts Van Halen in the. No. They're not. David Lee was a little bit, but he was such a showman. Not really. I mean, I didn't think of David Lee Roth dressing like poison.
Dude, he wore. Did you think of them as him? Yes. Really? You thought he dressed like Poison and Cinderella? He wore freaking spandex pants. He did. They came all the way down. No shirt, full of chest hair, and teased blonde hair. Yes. He had those tight tights and the drop down weirdness. No shirt. That's all I think of him. Just chest pubes real good. I guess I just, when I, and by the way, love all these bands. Yeah, me too. I just, I thought it was so lame when they dressed up. I loved it. The dumbest dressing to me was Motley Crue and Poison. It just was so dorky. Loved it. Loved it, loved it. Nikki Sixx with that freaking black under his eyes looks so cool. Yeah, and the eyeliner and the lip gloss. All the way in. Yeah, the pink and the pink rouge. With seven hot, big-breasted blondes on his arm. You know, dude, I couldn't get past it because he looked like his name was Debbie. I couldn't. I was like, oh, she's so cute. She's so hot. She's got a penis, but she's gorgeous. There were a couple of bands that had some singers that were men that I looked at and was like, oh, that's a pretty girl. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, the drummer for Slaughter we were talking about. Blas Elias. What? Blas? Blas. Elias. Yeah, I still know. I know all of them. Let's see. Hey, this was a cool story, man.
This firefighter in Boston caught a six-year-old kid who was falling from a burning building. Third floor. Now, this guy says, don't let go of the kid. We're on our way up there to help. Grandma's holding the kid. But grandma could not help herself. She didn't want him to burn up. And so she let him go. And luckily, this firefighter. Was, you know, a very brave man and was able to catch him. What is this on the line here? Who is this? Hey, good morning. Good morning. This is the firefighter from Boston. Oh, hi, firefighter from Boston. You're the guy that caught the kid, right? That's right. It's the only thing that's been caught in Boston since, well, a long time. Yeah. Kyle Crawford sure couldn't catch anything out in left field. Wow, he's referring to the Red Sox. Out at Fenway Park. Guy couldn't catch a cold, I heard. Yep. That's about the Red Sox. Hey, let me ask you something. How's it feel to be a hero today? Feels good to be a hero, I guess. I mean, I don't really consider myself a hero. I've been on the job a long time. My father was a cop. I went the other way. I went to the firefighters. Brave man. A lot of guys. Listen, I'm not going to sit here and call myself brave. I'm a diehard Red Sox fan. They're freaking terrible. They're the worst team in baseball.
Mike, did you know that the collapse that they had in September was like the worst collapse in history? Oh, wow. Did you ever hear that story? Hey, firefighter guy. Hey, firefighter guy. Will Hunting couldn't beat Matt, all right? Hey, firefighter guy? Yeah. It's just odd that you are from Boston, but you're making fun of the Red Sox. Right. Did you hear the radio about them sitting in the dugout drinking beer and eating chicken? Almost sounds like a Yankees fan. John Lackey, Josh Beckett, all these guys are out there drinking beer in the dugout. Yeah, that was reported. What? That was reported. Here's the thing, though. You know, it's almost as if you're a Yankee fan. Right. I don't know what you're talking about. Red Sox till I die. Yeah. Sounds like it. Isolate. Places of toilet. What was that you said about the Red Sox? You're not going to isolate anybody? I think it was actually pretty clear. Yeah. So I'll be able to get that. Why don't you shut your mouth? I'll take a bat to your head. Whoa. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, thank you, Firefighter Guy. And, man, you sure did sound passive-aggressive about the songs. I don't know what you're talking about. Do you know they fired their manager and their chairman? Yeah, I do. I do. I do. I do. I know it. I know it. The guy brings them two World Series. These idiots haven't won a World Series in 100 years. You don't have to call them idiots. Wow. Hey.
Yeah, I thought you said Red Sox till you die. I never said that. I'm so mad at this Red Sox team. It's almost like it's the end of a mini dynasty. You know what? I think you sound an awful lot like a Yankee fan. I don't know what you're talking about. John Lackey sucks. See you later. Bye. Guy's angry. He sure is. Guy has anger issues. Man, I wish you could channel that. What'd he say? Into what? I don't know. Some kind of fitness program. Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I mean, but he didn't. That's the way. My goodness gracious. It just came up out of nowhere. And boom, goes the dynamite. Just sneaks up on you, Woods. Hey, Woods. Yes? I have a spontaneous idea. Oh, man, I like spontaneous. You don't. I do. I know. That's why I know you'll like this. Let's go. You see what this is in my hand? It's a stylus. Yes. Yes. Do you know what you do with a stylus? You use it to poke stuff on your screen. Yeah. You see all these things in blue here, Woods? Uh-huh. Those are all called jay drops. Would you like to... Oh, good. What if we switch places?
Yeah! How about if we switch places? This is like my birthday. Wow. Come on, my man. How about if we switch places? Yeah. You know, and Woods just gets to have his little revenge on... He was seduced by Ashton. Now, see, Jay? We can't turn him off. Can't turn Jay off. You know? Nothing does. My favorite's when he makes fun of religion. Doesn't it say that? Daya shall not kill. Daya? Where does it say that? Doesn't it say that I shall not kill? I don't think so. I don't think it does. I think it's out. I think it's out. Woods hates that. Woods hates that job of himself. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. You mean irrelevant? Irrelevant. It's irreverent. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Irrelevant. Hey, you and Rebecca are going to go, who are you guys going to see tonight? Tonight we're going to see Opening Bands Need to Breathe, then Taylor Swift. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. I've got your tiny hand in mine. Taylor's just a tiny hand in mine. Are you going to go to dinner first? Yeah, probably. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. You like seafood. Rebecca doesn't. I love seafood. No, she doesn't like it. Oysters. No, I will. Don't smile about it. No, you're a little Michael. Jay is fighting back with everything he has. I got to get more, apparently. That's a lot of Mikey's corn. I can't say it. Coin slot. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Coin slot. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. Knots.
What is it? Knott's. 70s. Tim Conway. Don Knox. Knott's. It's actually. Fat boy. Don Knott's. Hopefully she gets put in the general populace. General populace. What's that guy he plays for the Chargers? Phillip Rivers? No, Nate Kading. And then somebody replaced him. I think it's Nick Novak. What does he do? He's a field gold. No, he's a field gold kicker. Field gold. Field gold kicker. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. We're looking to get a skateboard. I just don't want to get discharged too much money for it. Taken out of context. I don't want him to kill you. So I came back over it. I can listen to those for me.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. So you know, I resubmitted last night for a wipeout. You did? Yep. Sent all the people I had email addresses to and they said, hey, call us. But we weren't talking about that at all. Well, because I dislike you so much. Skateboard, I just don't want to get discharged too much money for it. $25,000, I thought I'd bring that up. So he is going to go back on the wipeout. So he, so says he. I'm trying. I'm going to root against him so hard. I'm going to campaign for the other guy. You should go to the taping of it. L.O.B., I wouldn't set foot there again for all the teams in China. He started crying as soon as he saw the place. Do we have new... I thought we had a bunch of new ones that are not up here. He doesn't put them on there. I'd put them all on there. Did you? That's why I copied Mike on the emails to make sure they don't fall by the wayside. I don't know, though, L.O.B. I'm looking up here.
I'm not seeing everything that's supposed to be here. The Denver Broncos. The what? The Denver Broncos. Denvero. He is a good friend and a lover. A flea flicker. Touch my body. I guess it's a relevant. I was seduced by Ashton. Ashton Kutcher. I boned Ashton Kutcher. He's got nothing. That's weird. That's all he's got. Okay, these are eight simple home remedies for your dogwoods. Before you go on, Mike, I want you to know I'm going to be on Wipeout again. All right. Hey, Pastor Mike, you're done talking about old timers and love. I thought we'd talk about something important like the fact that I'm going on a game show with you.
All right. All right. Speaking of me. Hey, I went surfing yesterday, Mike. Yes, OB. I went skating, too. Going to go riding today. Mike, I can go longer than you. Mike. Listen to this. Jay's recap. It was actually pretty good. No, I'm going to tell it later. I want to save it. It's good. Self-glosser? No, it's good. No, it wasn't self-gloss. It's good. Use Crisco. to get birds out of the fur of your dog. I'll just reach on my bedside table for my vat of Crisco and make it right. There's a lot of those in Lucadia. Do they get on your dogs when you take them for a walk, Woods? He doesn't take his dog for a walk. Oh, my God. Leave me alone. I hate you both. Same team. Sorry. Oh, really? Number two, use vinegar to stop your dog from chewing on the furniture.
Spray, yeah. Just have your living room smell like a douche. Smells like salad dressing. Yeah. That's disgusting. No, you just use a little bit. Do you? Yeah, just a little. Yeah, a little stinks. No, it doesn't. You can spray one. That's enough to make it stink like vinegar. White vinegar. White vinegar. White vinegar. Doesn't white vinegar smell like vinegar? Not as bad. Not as bad. Number three. You can use Summer's Eve in a pinch. To kill fleas, bathe your dog with Dawn dish soap. Oh, I did not know that. Kills fleas. Don Nuts? Wasn't me, Jay. Oh, he looks in here and he shakes his head like... I'm just comparing it to the guy from Three's Company. Right. Number four. What? To prevent shedding... Yeah, he was on Three's Company. Use a damp paper towel. Really? Yeah, you run a sheet under the tap. What, what, what? What's his problem? What, what, what? He thinks that I made a mistake by saying he was in Three's Company.
Don Knotts. Don Knotts. He's Mr. Furly. He's Mr. Freaking Furly. Everybody knows that. Yes. Number four. He's thinking Mr. Roper. To prevent shedding, take a paper towel, put it under the water, and collect the loose hair. Use trash bags to stop your dog from going to the bathroom inside. Huh. Explain that one to me, please. If it happens in the same spot, does it ever? Yes. Okay. Pee Alley, we call it. Cut open a trash bag and put it there. Most dogs hate the feeling of plastic on their feet. My place is going to look like Goodfellas when I get home. You should. Then they'll get used to it. I thought this morning when I walked, I was walking into my office. My office is by the front door. And I walked by and I went, I smell like pee. And I kept walking. And then I went in and got a cup of coffee and I was coming back. And I went.
I think that's freaking pee. And I can't, and I actually thought in my head, if Woods came over here, he wouldn't tell me the truth. You're right. He doesn't, you know, because he doesn't, you can't get an answer. You know, because he doesn't want to hurt feelings or whatever. You know, so you can't go, hey, does that taste bad? No, no, no, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good. So I need somebody honest. If Jay came over, I could say, does it smell like pee? Stinks like a toilet. Like a urine on this joint. Disgusting. Just wanted to do the right thing. But I think that our cat may be peeing. Now, let me... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. If my cat is peeing, I thought to myself, hmm, could have that. Would people like Woods freak out? Yes, he would. Keep it outside. Oh, my God, no. We can't keep it outside. With coyotes? We can't keep him outside. He's declawed, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that. He can't protect himself. But I thought, well, what if we had friends that wanted a cat? No. That peed in the house. Yeah, everybody wants that. No. Because everybody does. No. What if you got to the root of why the cat's peeing in the house? Yeah, just take it to the doctor. Well, it could be because he's like 15. Yep. Diaper. That cat is so spry and he's so sweet.
Dude, he's 15. Who cares? He's still in good shape. I don't think he's going to make it. It must be so easy to be like, I don't have to smell the pee. Keep them. You don't think I have to smell pee in my home? No, that's true. Cat's pee is unmistakable. It's unmistakable. Take seven. Multiply it by seven. But I'm just saying it's a different smell, so you'd know. Maybe it was something else. Maybe it was one of your kids. Could be. One of your boys. I thought that, but I don't know. Kids like to take their diapers off and hide them. I know I do. Jay does. Jay, get off of Maxim.com. What, Mac? What are you reading? The traffic report. BS. B freaking S. I just filled out the report. BS, dude. Traffic's done. Traffic's done for the test. I know. I had to fill out the report every day. I heard somebody hack Taylor Swift's phone. I wanted to see some pictures. I heard it. I don't know if it's true. Somebody texted me. It's for us, Mike. It could just be a picture of a two by four then. Luke's got the croup. I think Luke's got the croup. It means he coughs like this. I think it's what it is.
Jay would have him chew on a peppercorn and squirt some limit in his ear. See if you get Rebecca on the phone and find out what the deal is. Oh, poor baby. Maybe he's peeing in the corner, too. I was flipping out yesterday. I was flipping out. Like mad? Yeah, because you had to take him to the emergency room. Oh, I was flipping out. I was losing my mind. I was losing my mind. And one of Jake's teachers was over and needed me to do an exercise with Jake. And I was losing my mind. This isn't a slam against you, but you're not the best multitasker. Okay. That's not a slam. When you get focused, you're focused on something. I was stressed out. I wasn't in the mood to play. I'm not attacking. But when you are focused on Luke, it's hard to focus on something else. And Rebecca is texting me to tell me that they're at urgent care, and I'm trying to get that.
And she says, would you mind doing a thing where you ask me a question and then I'm going to say no. And then you ask me another question, I'll say no. And then I'm going to ask Jake if he noticed what we were talking about. And I went, what? I know that look. Yeah, I know that look. We all know that look. It's okay. I don't know what was said. I was like, what? I would have said that. It's not a good time. Next time. I can't say that. I can't. I couldn't say that. I couldn't say that. So I said, sure. So Jake comes in and I'm hearing ding on my phone. Oh, my heart. And I go, is your favorite color blue? And she goes, no. Is your favorite color red? No, it's not. Ding. Oh, my gosh. Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Are you, is your favorite food spaghetti? Hmm. Oh. Poor bastard. So we played that for five minutes. Now, if you don't think five minutes is a long time, let's have dead air for five minutes. You'll see five minutes is a long time. It's a long time. So we finished and she said, she said, hey, Jake. I got to talk to dad. So go out and play. And Jake goes, what do you have to talk about? He's just like his dad. Yeah. And she says, she says, just, you know, stuff that has to do with work. And he goes, well, I'm going to stay and listen. Oh, my gosh. So cute. And she goes, and she goes, okay. So she goes, so here's what I'm thinking.
In terms of therapy, when you want to try to get, and I really can't tell you what she said. What I can tell you is that while she was saying it, I heard ding, ding, ding. And I know that these texts are saying, are you there? Are you there? Do you even care about your son? Do you care about your son? You're looking right through her, the teacher, just right through her. Just nodding. Another five minutes. I thought I was going to vomit. Oh, man. Some people are good in those situations. I'm the opposite of good. So great. Oh, wait, wait. Honey? Yeah. Hi. Hi. My wife is calling in. Little angel. Thank goodness. What were you calling to say, my dear? Chris called me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had him call you. Is Luke okay? Luke's great. He's not doing his cough? No.
The cough is gone? Completely. Oh, thanks, girls. Oh, yeah. Dancing, you know, jumping. Bench pressing, squatting. Yeah, laughing. What's his deal? Why was he doing that? I have no idea. He was probably smoking cigarettes the night before. He probably was. He was at Foo Fighters with me. All right, honey, thank you. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. What's up with that kid, dude? He's tough, dude. He is a tough little mofo. Strong safety. Yeah. Strong. Yeah, strong safety. Strong safety. For sure. Yeah. Will you pour me a glass of that Chardonnay? Absolutely. Thank you. Is that your lovely wife? Yes, it is. Yeah, would you like some of my soft cheeses? Those look lovely. Hey, guys, I just wanted to let you know, you can stay here on the promenade, but we're going to close it at 6. Oh, okay. Okay? That shouldn't be a problem. Well, my boat's parked right outside. Yeah. Well, we're on one. That's why I said promenade. Oh, promenade. Yes, we're actually on a boat. We've got to slip just right down. That's what I meant. I do have to... Are you his wife? Yes. Well, yes. Could I speak to you for a moment? About what? You can excuse me just for a moment. Okay. Your husband is not wearing white-bottomed shoes. Are you sure? Yes, I am. And he's wearing... Yes. I'm embarrassed. Well, the thing is, is that boat shoes have white bottoms so that you don't...
I know, of course. And he's left marks throughout the entire yacht. I am so sorry, Maurice. We will pick up the bill. I understand. But he's also carrying around an empty Gatorade bottle and spitting into it. Oh, my gosh. I can assure you this is not normal behavior. It is not? It is not. So please don't report that to the Yacht Club because we are... Well, this is your first sale with us, and we didn't know that he was going to wear a baseball cap. He is... Backwards. He's part of new money. So he married you? Yes. Okay. We understand. I'm still kind of working on it, but I can assure you my father will make insightful donations. Need not even say more. Need not even say more. Thank you so much. Thanks, Maurice. One, two, please. 570-1949. Or text them, 949mikey at gmail.com. Or come 94.9. Eight bands. Eight bands. Outdoors. San Diego Rocktoberfest returns to North Park in two days. Saturday at 30th and University. FM 94.9 presents Rocktoberfest, supported by Beck's. Live music from Everest. Dead Feather Moon, Bully, The Style Tones, Low Bolts, and The Heavy Guilty.
Get your German party on with German beer, German food, and other German stuff. Grab your tickets now at FM949SD.com. Rocktoberfest at 30th and University this Saturday from FM949. For over 125 years, Mercedes-Benz has been pushing the limits of what is possible, unveiling groundbreaking innovations year in and year out. And this year is no exception. Introducing the all-new 2012 M-Class. Capable of monitoring blind spots. scanning the road for trouble ahead and alerting you if it detects that you're drowsy, the all-new M-Class, with a completely redesigned, more luxurious interior, is one of the most advanced SUVs on the road today. The M-Class is part of the 2012 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest vehicles in the luxury car class. An SUV so refined, inside and out, you have to experience it to believe it.
Lease the 2012 ML354 Matic for just $639 a month for 30 months with $4,934 due at signing. Available only to qualify customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services or participating dealers through October 31, 2011. Some equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for all your details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, and Hohen Motors in Carlsbad. Hey, it's Jay with the Mikey Show. Join me this Sunday at Dave & Buster's from 10 to noon as the Chargers take on the New York Jets. That's right. We'll be giving away tickets to SeaWorld. I'll have Scream Zone at the Del Mar Fairgrounds tickets to give away. CDs, t-shirts, plus I've got Dave & Buster's power cards. All the info is at FM949SD.com. Come on out. We'll be shooting some hoop. We'll be eating some food. We'll be watching some football. Come on down. October is here, everyone. So that means that Halloween is right around the corner. And this year, you should start your Halloween weekend off right. Come join me, LOB, at the Skins Fearless 5K. This is going to be fun for the whole family. You can run, you can jog, you can walk, and you can have strollers and dogs. And of course, because it's Halloween, we're going to have a costume contest. It's going to be sponsored by the Haunted Hotel. So dress up early. You know you're going to be dressing up that night. Afterwards, we've got a free post-race breakfast. Perfect.
After you run, you want to feast on something. And after you give it all your guts and your glory and you run this 5K, you want to relive the race for all eternity. Well, guess what? Everyone that participates is going to get a finisher's medal and free race photos. This is being held Saturday, October 29th at Mission Bay. That's right. I said Saturday. Most races, most 5Ks out there on Sundays. And then you got to rest up all weekend and you don't get to party. Well, this is Halloween weekend. We're going to party. Visit fearlessraces.com to register and get more information about this. That's fearlessraces.com. BMW Encinitas. Going on now through Sunday. Woodsy asked me if I would take him yesterday, and I said I could not. Because I couldn't. It was a true story. I know, but I want to go drive one and look at him. We will do that. They're so pretty. Now through Sunday, get a 328i. You can lease a brand new one. 2011 328i for $229 a month plus tax. $229 a month. Now, we're talking about a BMW. That is fully equipped with leather alloy wheels. It's an amazing vehicle. Does it go fast? Yes, it does. That's what I want. But you'll drive it at the speed limit. Of course. Now through Sunday. It's going on right now. It's Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. How great would LOB look? Oh, yeah. In a 328i. Just a little blonde with blue eyes getting out of a 328. Midnight blue.
Midnight Blue. Man. Wow. He's got a mouthful of hummus. Totally. Totally. That is hot, huh? A mouthful. Isolate that, by the way. It's BMW Encinitas. 24-month lease, $4,995 due at lease inception. Zero security deposit, 10,000 miles per year. 20 cents per excess mile with approved above average credit. Must finance through BMW Financial Services. Offer expires end of month. Want to make grocery shopping more rewarding? Then sign up for the new Albertsons Preferred Rewards program. You can earn reward points for free groceries on items throughout the entire store, including the things you already shop for. From soup to nuts, from fresh produce to prescriptions, from lemons to lemonade. Just use your Preferred Rewards card at checkout and get 10 points for every dollar you spend. It's that easy. Want to earn rewards even faster? Look for thousands of featured bonus items that can earn you extra points. The more you shop, the closer you are to free groceries. So get your new Albertsons Preferred Rewards card today and start earning points instantly. And let us reward you for what you already do. Sign up for your new Albertsons Preferred Rewards card in store or at albertsons.com slash reward. Exclusions apply. See store for complete details.
Shop at Albertson's through Tuesday and save with your preferred rewards card. Plus, earn bonus points on the following items. Select sizes and varieties of V8 V-Fusion juices are $2 for $4 plus DRV. Select Rice-A-Roni or Pasta-Roni varieties are $0.88 each. And 11-ounce packages of Hershey's Halloween candy are $2 for $6. Find these rewarding savings at Albertson's. I was car shopping with a dream in mind and reality in my budget. But with the unbelievable rate I got, I could shoot for the moonroof and the five-star dream car. It's not your wild imagination. This rate is real and only at Navy Federal. Right now, get as low as 1.79% APR in new cars. Plus, use our auto buying program and save even more. But a dream rate waits for no one. It's for a limited time and only at Navy Federal Credit Union. Grab your chance to upgrade your dreams for the car you really want. Apply today at NavyFederal.org. Rates based on credit worthiness, your rate may differ. Whatever happened to us when we were little? I don't remember anything. Whatever it was, it thrived on fear. Tonight at midnight. Happy birthday, Katie. Hey, Christy. Say hi to the camera. Something's going on. Hey, kids. It says kids are susceptible to spiritual contact. Discover the secret behind the activity. Who are you talking to? He's my friend. He's very sweet. I don't see him. He's very great. Rated R, under 17, not admitted without parent. Opens tonight at midnight. There are times when a race is such a close call, it requires a photo finish to determine the victor. In the race for best luxury sedan, let's see how the BMW 7 Series performs.
It has a considerably lower starting MSRP than a Mercedes S-Class, consider thousands less. There are 13 exciting 7 Series models to choose from, more than any of its peers. Choose from five horsepower options, two-wheel or X-Drive intelligent all-wheel drive, even gasoline or hybrid technology. Also, BMW includes no-cost maintenance, saving you thousands. And for a limited time, gets special finance offers. Well, it's obvious to the naked eye, no photo finish necessary. The 7 Series wins. The photo is just... to get a great shot of you behind the wheel. Easily accomplished with a test drive at a BMW center today. For ultimate service details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. Take advantage of no-cost maintenance on the BMW 7 Series today. Visit sdcountybmw.com for details. Halloween means it's time to scream. And now buy $10 worth of select Coca-Cola products with your Ralph's reward card and your family could be screaming with delight because you'll have a chance to win four Disneyland Resort Park Hopper passes plus four passes to Mickey's Halloween Party 2012. Get refreshed with Coca-Cola and you could experience wicked fun for everyone at Disneyland Park. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. Restrictions apply. The rules visit your local Ralph's. Coca-Cola. Open happiness.
The young men and women who become United States Marines come from our hometowns to become a part of something greater than themselves. This commitment represents the highest level of steadfast allegiance to the betterment of our communities, our country, and our Marine Corps. Today, KSON in San Diego would like to honor Andrew Rodriguez of Bonita Vista. We're proud that one of our own is taking the first step to becoming a United States Marine. The journey will be one of the most challenging, but also one of the most rewarding. The few, the proud, the Marines. Get the Android-powered ZTE score featuring Move music at only $89.99 for a limited time at participating locations. Visit a cricket store to learn more. So smart, so cricket. And now back to the Mikey Show. You're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best movie ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jake. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Don't I. This guy named Dwayne Kennedy had been in prison in California since 1990 for throwing a guy out of a moving car. Now, this dude is about to be set free. Oh, he also stabbed a fellow inmate in 1994. And he had to serve extra time for it. But he found out last year.
that he was finally going to be paroled after more than 10 years of being rejected. So obviously, he's a happy guy. Overwhelmed and just happy was his quote. So he, you know, you obviously, you want to share the news. So what he did was he borrowed a cell phone from a fellow inmate. And then he called home to tell his family about it. But he got caught by a guard while he was making the calls. And cell phones are contraband. And he violated his parole. And now he's going to have to serve another year in prison. That's ridiculous. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. They revoked his parole.
citing a brand new law signed into effect by Jerry Brown October 6th that makes contraband phones a misdemeanor, he can't apply for early release again for another five years. Oh, my God. For five years. Five years. Oh, my God. Come on. Give the guy a break. Well, wait. He broke the rules. He did, but he was excited. He didn't do it with malicious intent. Oh, so if you're excited. Yeah. Okay, I see now. Give him a break. Look the other way. Yeah, I do a lot of that. So when he gets back out and he, you know, kills someone. He's going to kill someone because he used his cell phone? I don't know. Well, he did stab a fellow inmate in 94 and throw a guy out of a moving car in 1990. Very self-defense. Maybe he was super dangerous and that was a way to keep him in. I bet when he pushed the guy out the car, he was excited. I bet he was excited. So that, you know, look the other way. Come on.
They'd probably just kill him. Yeah. Why don't we execute him? We should execute him, Jay. That'd be a good idea. Well, you can't execute him because that's not what the law says. No. Yeah, I mean, he's screwed. I think all convicts should have phones and TVs. He didn't have a phone. He borrowed someone's. Yeah, an illegal phone that was snuck in. Right. It wasn't his. Yeah. Maybe wait till phone time. I know. I agree. Wait till phone time. I mean, he should have if he were smarter, but... He didn't. Five more years for that? It's a lot. It's excessive to me. It's excessive. Seems a little bit much. I agree with that. It's excessive. It's a little excessive. I would, if I were a judge, I would say, yes, stay another two weeks. Yeah. Those two weeks would feel like five years. There's no question. Five years means he's going to be... He's never getting out of there. He's going to be more violent than he's ever been because he's going to be pissed off. More violent than he's ever been? Violent than he's ever been? You know the longest day in jail? The last one. I bet. The last one. Woods knows. Oh, I do. He knew it. I know it. First thing he got, a DP and some Benihana. Yeah. Right? Well, Denny's in the morning, Benihana for dinner. That's a great day. I took a plate of Denny's and...
I held it up to my mouth and just shoveled food in it. Oh, my God. Some cheese, some chicken wings. You know, he love orange soda. I love orange soda. Taking L.O.B. out of the equation, who's funnier men or women? A UCSD study says men. Unless you're L.O.B. Now, wait until I tell you how they did this. She didn't say anything. She didn't say anything. This is a study. They're going to fist fight, and we're going to have to break it up. Yep. What does it take to be the most premium brand of cold cuts? What does it take to become the most highly thought of line of cold cuts in America? What does it take to be Boar's Head? Very simply, an unwavering commitment to quality.
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Cruising in your new car every morning. Wow, I'm at work already. Coffee time. Walking in the door of your newly remodeled home every evening. I'm glad to see you too, Rocky. Yes. Oh, and you too, Mike. Saving time and reducing stress every day. Check my balance online. Stop by the ATM. Now there's free time for me. Unbelievable. Come to San Diego's very own Mission Federal Credit Union with great rates on home loans and car loans, 28,000 fee-free ATMs nationwide, and exceptional customer service. It's banking for the common sense crowd. Open an account today at missionfed.com or stop by any of our 22 local branches. Mission Federal Credit Union. Your success is our bottom line. Loans and loans are subject to approval. Mission Fed is an equal housing lender and is federally insured by the NCUA. Hi, this is Mike Lowry, Fire Chief with the City of Escondido. Fire season is here. Are you ready? The Fire Chiefs Association has teamed with SDG&E to keep our communities safe. We're making sure the areas around power lines are clear of brush and up to fire code. You should take steps too. Establish a defensible space around your home. Fire-resistant landscaping is a big help as well in creating a defensible space. For more fire safety tips, visit sdge.com slash safety. Thanks, and stay safe this season.
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The Del Mar Scare Grounds has mutated into the Scream Zone. Now through Halloween, climb aboard the Haunted Hayride or enter the House of Horror or the Chamber. Three terrifying ways to scare the life out of you. For more information, visit thescreamzone.com. Back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. What does it do, Jay? It makes it 3D. I wanted one of those avatars to be like, and like beat my face and go, Woods. If 16-year-old girls are in on something, I'm out on it. Lauren. I'm very aggressive when it comes to lines. And Jay. If you want any, you'll be nice to me. Yes, ma'am. On FM 94.9. According to a study that was done at UCSD, men are funnier than women. Now, for the record, L.O.B. said she agrees with that.
Here's the deal. Generally. Well, here's the deal. What they did was they did a study where they took 16 male and 16 female undergraduates and they asked them to write funny captions for 20 New Yorker cartoons. Now, they did not reveal the gender of who wrote what caption. And then they took 34 male. And 47 female undergrads. And they let them read them. And say which ones they thought were funnier. And they thought that the guys were funnier. Now they didn't know what they. It wasn't like they were going. This is a woman that wrote this. This is a guy that wrote this. And they had more females on this panel. Than they did males on the panel. And they did this here at UCSD.
On average, it was .11 points funnier than the young women. Now, I think that it may be a deal where the women are not exercising that muscle. L.O.B. exercises that comedy muscle. And she was also born with a gift to be able to be funny. So, it doesn't apply to some people. Because L.O.B. is funnier than... She's the funniest chick I know, and she's funnier than most dudes I know. There's no question. There's no question. I always wonder where funny comes from. Most of the stuff that I say that's funny, it's mostly stolen. I stole from movies and Richard Pryor and Rodney Dangerfield. That's what I kind of honed myself into being.
some people consider funny like it's kind of like i kind of trained for it does that make sense yeah like i listen to a lot of comedy i watch a lot of roasts i watch i pick up on movie lines i mean it's there's something to it there's a part in your brain where you're like take it store it use it make it your own yeah well my whole life here's the deal though there are people that could take it and store it but they couldn't deliver it yeah and that's what you have that's very unique You know, a lot of people can't do that. They've seen the same movies you have. Maybe even more times than you have. But they're not able to do, they're not able to deliver it in the same way. And it also has a lot to do with the timing of it. Timing is key in comedy. You can say something that's not even that funny if you deliver it with great, great timing. It's dynamite. It'll kill. Dallas McLaughlin that used to work here, I watched him do some stand-up with LOB. His timing is dynamite. Yeah. And there's these uncomfortable pauses, and then he delivers it, and you're like... Right. And if you wrote it down and read it, you'd be like, oh, okay. But the way he delivers it and the timing, I was really, really impressed. He did a really good job. It was cool. And L.O.B. is just a freaking pro up there now. Nah. Yeah.
Go ahead. Did you, the study, did you read the whole, I actually read like the whole, most of the study yesterday or the article that was published about it and some UCSD. publication and it said men are funnier than women but only barely and mostly to other men did you see that part and then at the very end of the study there's a little note and it said that it was written by a woman or the article, and it said, whatever her name was, I wish I knew, said, didn't try to be funny during the writing of this article because it would have been attributed to her male, you know. It says, another finding was that on a scale of one to five, the male writers thought their captions would rate a 2.3 and the women a 1.5, a margin in self-confidence that ended up being wider than actual results. Sad for the guys.
who think that by being funny, they will impress the ladies, but really just impress other men who want to impress the ladies. The lead author was psychology postdoctoral researcher, Laura Mickels. So she must have been the one that was like, I didn't try to be funny because the dudes would have gotten the credit for it. That's right. And you know what's funny? It's like if you meet a, it's weird, but if you meet a guy, another guy that's funny, you're like, eh, it's a funny dude. If you meet a girl that's really funny, it really sticks with you and it stands out. And especially dirty, dirty. Girls that are dirty. Me? Yeah. It's a little filthy. Over here, if you hear a guy go, yeah, so this girl was blah, blah, blah, blah, you're like, great, crass. You hear a girl talk that way, it gets you. And it gets me. It tickles me right where I need to be tickled. Some men are very threatened by it. Yeah, I'm not. I freaking love it. But by humor. I love it. I... L.O.B. gets me. Oh, my God. L.O.B. gets me. I do get you. I adore it. When L.O.B. asked Woods if he remembered,
when he worked at that gay club in Chicago called the Mashed Potato Club. Yes, I do. And then asked you if you, quote, wore T-shirts made of pantyhose. I almost peed. I know, I know. Ellaby, I wore black pants and a black button-down shirt. Did you? Yes. Made out of pantyhose. With black leather pants. Chaps. With a leather apparatus around your face. A mask is a zipper hole in my mouth. Can I get you something to drink tonight? Excuse me, sir? Hello and welcome to the Mashed Potato Club. Can I get you something to drink? I can't understand you. Will you unzip the thing on your hood? Sorry about that. I said hello and welcome to the Mashed Potato Club. Can I get you something to drink? Yes, I'd like an extra dirty martini. Okay. We're actually out of olive juice right now, so is it okay if I just give you a regular martini and we won't charge you for the first one? Okay. Why are you breathing so heavy? Because it's my first night here, and I've never actually worn leather on my face before. It's the first time I've ever worn leather on my face. I didn't want this job. Didn't you? You're sweating profusely. I know, I know. Well, it's the first time I've ever worked at a job where I haven't worn a shirt. I'm not used to either one.
Listen, I'm going to get in trouble for my manager if I don't zip this thing up. You have to keep it zipped. Sorry about that. It's just that if I die, if he sees me and it's not zipped, then I get in trouble. I got you. I got you. You should have seen my poor dad in there on Halloween.