The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/25/10

0:00His sister, who is friends with the fiancé, and supposed to be standing in her bridal party, got a tattoo. And this guy's fiancé is mad that his sister got a tattoo. She's being a little bit of a bridezilla. Yes. Yeah. And she doesn't want her in the wedding anymore. Oh, dude. Mm-hmm. So we'll read you the email. And thought it was great, man. And so Jay is going to get the guy on the phone. So we'll talk to the guy. The San Diego Chargers really break my heart, just like they break yours. It's officially time to panic. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, it's panic time. M1 Harold said that he believed that the team would finish the season 10-4. 11-4? That's one short. 11-5? Because they play 16 games. Then he must have said 12-4. 12-4. That's impossible. It is now because they lost yesterday. And they are now 2-5. 2-5. The Raiders are ahead of them in the division. The Chiefs are ahead of them in the division. They're toast. The Rams doing better than them? I mean, you're...

1:29Their deal is, hey, listen, we're slow starters. This is our bit. Well, you've backed yourself in a hole where now you need three wins to be at 500. Yeah, three wins will get you 500. Three wins will get you even money, pal. Three wins is a push. Yeah. It's bad. It's bad. I don't know what's going on there, but it's terrible. I watched some of the highlights or lowlights, as you would call them, yesterday because I got home about six. Game was already over. People were freaking out. I want to do an experiment. I want to take six calls. And what I'm going to do is, with these six calls, I want you to call me right now and tell me what the problem is. And I want to see that with these six calls, if we get six different answers or if we get a majority thinks that it's this or that or whatever, what is the problem?

2:25with the San Diego Chargers. 570-1949. And I want to see if we get any kind of a consensus, or maybe we don't. But in my mind, I have what I think the problem is, and I just want to hear what M1 Nation thinks. 570-1949. Or you can text us, 949Mikey, at gmail.com. I saw a lot of the game. And let's hear from Norv. I just don't think we gave ourselves a chance in this football game. You do the things we did in the first half with the football. You're playing a real good team. You're playing any team in this league. It's tough, and you're not going to win making those mistakes. You build that big a hole, it's going to be tough. Does he sound like a confident head coach to you? Uh-uh. No. He sounds shaken right now. Shaken. For sure. Scared. Scared.

3:25It was really, really difficult to watch. How many turnovers? I think three again? Three more turnovers? More problems on special teams. Yeah. And it seemed like at the end of the game, they may pull it out. Yep. Bill Belichick, the guy, he's a gambler, and he went for it fourth and one from their own 49. And the Chargers stuffed them, and they had a chance to at least tie it. And there was a penalty on Luis Vasquez, whistle for a false start on a field goal attempt. Pushed him back five off the crossbar for the loss. Off the crossbar. Oh, it was just. You can't make those mistakes at that time. You just can't. And this is, you know, I think a lot of people ask themselves this. A lot of people go, you know, when push came to shove and it was, I don't know, 23 to 6. Chargers start moving the ball down the field. Yep. Like crazy. Scored two touchdowns in, you know, five minutes or something. And you watch it. You watch him moving and moving and moving and moving. And you're like, man, how come you don't do that? Where's this been? Yeah. Start hot. Start hot. Don't have to finish hot every week. Yeah, they took Mike Tolbert and Ryan Matthews completely out of the game, and they just started utilizing Darren Sproles. Yeah, slinging heat, too. And I'm like.

4:53Oh, so apparently we don't need Ryan Matthews and Mike Tolbert to move the ball. And apparently we don't need Vincent Jackson. And apparently we don't need – it's just on and on and on. That's what happens, man. When you get down, you're – I was talking to a friend this weekend. I was talking actually to Bark Mountain. We were talking about Texas football and Notre Dame football. And it's very similar to the Chargers situation is once you get down and you get so far behind and you don't protect the ball, your game plan goes out the window. And you're in hurry-up crunch time, and you're just trying to throw the ball down the field. So let's take six calls. Let's do it. And, Woodsy, write down. I will. You write them down. So let's see. The first answer is M1 Scott in Temecula. What is the problem with the Chargers, Scott? Well, coaching, but now I believe we're cursed. That's the only logical explanation. You can't have a number one offense and a number two defense in the league. You cannot hold. Tom Brady to six for 16 and under 100 yards and lose that game without there being a curse. There's no way. We're cursed. All right. I like it. I like it. We're cursed. M1 Danny from San Diego. What is it? Leadership. Leadership. I blame the – well, I started off blaming the – waiting for everybody to just kind of yield to them because they're so good just when they showed up. But now, you know, it comes from the coaching, not rectifying that problem.

6:23It's continued. So it's coaching. It's coaching now. Got it. Yes, it is. Got it. Thank you. M1 John from National City. Let's call it, man. I think it's the coaching. These guys don't go out there and want to fight. You know what I mean? It's only Phillip Rivers out there that I feel is out there just fighting. Me too. Every single down, he's fighting out there. Man, he's an awesome gamer, man. Yeah, he is. We don't have Vincent Jackson. We don't have the big play anymore. You know what I mean? It's easier to beat it, you know what I mean? But you say, hey, but just to be clear, John, it's coaching, right? Coaching. Got it. Thank you. Thank you. M1 Milo from Chula Vista. What's the problem with the Chargers? And call us, 570-1949. I want to know what you think the problem with the Chargers is. And pick one thing, 570-1949. Call us and tell us. What do you think, Milo? What's going on, Mikey, by the way? Yeah, good, man. Everything's good. Good, good. I'm glad. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. M1Bernie from Vista. What is the problem with the Chargers?

7:55And it's not the coaching. It's not special teams. It's just the dynamic that they build again. They missed their window. Yeah, totally missed their window. They had the opportunity. They did. Last year, they did. Yeah, and even probably a couple years before that. It's the team. It's done. It started over again. They're not going to win. Thank you. Thank you. M1, Jeff from Carlsbad. What is it? It's definitely coaching. Like I said, they've had the talent for the last eight years. Marty Schottenheimer was fired. I was surprised they got North Turner because he had been fired from the Raiders, I think, and the Redskins, and then he came to the Chargers. Deadskins. The guy's not a winner. Yeah, the guy's 92-103 in his career. I mean, you win 92 games in the NFL, yeah, that's really good. But you lose 103, I mean, you're a middle – there is no other way to look at North Turner but a middle-of-the-road guy. He's a retread, and he always has been.

8:59And there's so many of those guys floating around the NFL, and he's, you know, he's Captain Retreat. Jeff, thanks for the call. So that was six calls, right? Yeah. What do we got, Woods? We got cursed one. You got one vote there. You got one, two, three for coaching. You got one for special teams, which could probably be attributed to coaching as well. Yeah. And then you have one for missed window. Well, it looks like the consensus is that coaching is an issue, and that's what I think it is. Absolutely. And I didn't know, Woods, that that was. His record. Yeah. What is it again? 92 and 103. Oh my goodness. Dude, it's middle of the road. I mean, it's middle of the road. Under 500. Under 500. I mean, it's... I said this off the... No, I think I did say it. I said it on the air. You know, listen, I think Norv Turner's a really nice dude. No question. Great coordinator. Yeah. You know, look at Charlie Weiss. I mean, same type of situation. Absolutely. But the deal is, I said this last week, I said, imagine Bill Cower. prowling those sidelines with a Charger baseball cap on and a Charger, you know, T-shirt or whatever. I'll tell you what wouldn't happen if Bill Cowher was your coach. What wouldn't happen is that rookie catching his first pass in the NFL, putting the ball down without being touched and turning it over. Now, I read online, you know, I was reading people's comments, well, it didn't hurt us. Well, yeah, it did because it stopped your drive. It stopped your momentum. And the guy catches the ball.

10:25Doesn't flip it back to the ref. I mean, the guy could have gotten up and run. Nobody touches him. And he lays the ball on the ground. They pick it up and, you know. Run it back. Take it over. Oh. I mean, you think that's going to happen with Bill Cowher as your head coach? I don't. I think the players are not responding to this guy. And, you know, it's the same situation in Dallas. Same situation at, you know, in a lot of places. But it's, I mean, it's panic time. And I said this, you know, two. The other thing is, is that I wonder if. A.J. Smith at this point just says, you know, I'm not going to admit that I made a mistake with Norf. Right. I'm not going to admit it. And I'm so sure that I'm right. I'll keep him there until I get fired or he wins a Super Bowl. A very proud, proud move if that's the case. To spite people. And the World Series is set. Series is set, unfortunately. Oh, boy. It's going to be so boring. Sorry. It probably will be the lowest rated World Series in recent history. Who we got? The Giants and the Rangers. The Giants and the Rangers. First World Series for the Rangers, right? Yes, first for the Rangers. It was not a good weekend for me. Not a great Friday at my house. I might have teared up a little bit. Did you? Yeah. I was pretty bummed, man. I invest a lot of time and money.

11:43into my guys. Biggest Yankee fan I know. Absolutely. And it was rough, man. It was rough watching those guys celebrate. And they just put a whooping on us, man. They did. They beat us in every facet of the game. And congratulations to them. Go Giants. Not me. I say go Philly. No, Philly's out of it. I mean, go Texas. I'm from Texas, and I'll be rooting against them real good. I will never root for a... division rival. And after the way that the Texas fans acted, I will never root for the Rangers again, unless they're playing the Red Sox or the Rays, and that'll be about it. I say, see you in April. I will not be watching the World Series. None of it, right? I will be watching the whole World Series, but it's going to be, I mean, hey, if you like baseball, if you're a baseball fan, you can't, I mean, it's going to be great. You got Lincecum against Cliff Lee in game one on Wednesday night, which is filthy. Yeah. I mean, Cliff Lee is... one of the greatest postseason pitchers ever. Linscombe is coming into his own, you know, in the postseason. So I love it. I think it's going to be great. It's not going to have high ratings, but, you know, whatever. Sorry, Woodsy. Sorry about your yanks. Me too. I was bummed, man. And, yeah, I do think it's going to be pretty low-rated. It's going to be very low-rated. Don't freak out if you hear really, really loud noises today.

13:08Out at Camp Pendleton? Yeah. Because they're going to be doing some testing. They're going to be firing high explosive munitions as part of a mine clearing exercise that will be heard throughout the North County. So 6 a.m. to midnight Monday through Wednesday. Wow. It's going to be loud. Yeah. They could be amplified and heard up to 50 miles away. Oh, wow. So pretty close to my crib. So not really looking forward to that. How long is this rain supposed to stay? I don't know. I haven't seen anything on it. I didn't even know it was supposed to rain today. Me either. I think I heard it's leaving tomorrow. Why are you looking at me? Because, Sabrina, you're a weather girl. You don't do anything, though. You sit there with that gorgeous handbag. You know the problem? She can't see outside. She doesn't even know what it's doing. Yeah, I know. It's dark. It's black. It's so dark. And I just got here because Jay called me and was like, what are you doing? You're supposed to be at work. Right. And she's wearing those dark glasses. That's not going to help. Yeah. So, I don't know. It's kind of like Seattle, except you don't get the cool parts of Seattle. Yeah. It's exactly right. 5701949. Thanks, Sabrina. Smells nice. Looks great every time she comes in. Always. Always with the dark glasses and the nice expensive handbag and the nice expensive clothes. Goes to UCLA. But what it doesn't know anything about the weather. That's her one job. Next time.

14:27I'll go to, what is it again? Shopping.com? Weather.com. Go to weather.com and check it out. Or shopping.com. You know, they're virtually the same website. That could help. Sorry, it's early. Okay. Hey, front page of the San Diego Union Tribune today is this story about the priest sex abuse scandal. Here in San Diego, they've released... Information here, right? Yeah. There's been a three-year legal fight to keep these documents suppressed, but they were released on Sunday detailing years of sexual abuse by the Catholic priests in the San Diego Diocese. And in 2007, there was a $198 million settlement with 144 victims. From how many cases do we know? How many priests? There were 48 priests. In San Diego? Just in San Diego? Oh, my goodness. It's insane. So where does that money come from, I wonder? Catholic Church. Oh, wow. Where does that money come from? So it's coming from the people that are pledging their money? Probably. Yeah, parishioners. It's sad, dude. Wow. Very, very sad. But, yeah, it doesn't get, you know, there's thousands of pages of documents. Only a fraction of them show the allegations or the actions of the higher-ups in the church. But this is something that, you know.

15:48Obviously, the Catholic Church wanted to keep under wraps, and that's not going to happen now because it's been released. Yeah. This is really unusual, but burglars are targeting those homes that are tented. Yeah, they're doing a lot of treatment for termites, and they'll tent the house, and people go stay in a hotel or go stay with relatives or friends in their house. So a crook sees a tented house, they're like, man, jackpot, nobody's home. fumicide and tear gas in there. Oh, my gosh. So they're thinking they're using gas masks and running in and robbing these people's homes. They've hit six homes in La Jolla. Really? Yeah. Crazy. Oh, my gosh. But, yeah, those things are deadly, those tents. Yeah. Yeah, a tent at home is a sign that nobody's home. So those guys go in there and grab electronics and video cameras and jewelry and things like that. 570. 194.9 is our number. M1 Paparazzi from Oceanside. What's up? Good morning, everybody. Hope you had a good weekend. Good morning. I had something strange or kind of off the wall happen to me a couple weeks ago, and it brought up an interesting idea. Yeah. I had my best friend's girlfriend's son come up to me. He's only about anywhere four to six years old. And I've only met him like three times, so I don't really know quite what she's teaching him or anything.

17:16And he looks up to me and says, God's real, right? And it just threw up. First of all, I was shocked that he was asking that question out of the blue. But it just threw up the thing of, how do you deal with that when it's somebody else's kid and your views may be different than the parent of that kid? Maybe that parent is atheist and you're Christian or vice versa. How do you deal with that? I think you tell them what you think and then you tell the parent what you told them. Yeah. Or you just say, ask your mommy or daddy. That's what I'd do. I wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. I would try to stay out of a philosophical debate with a four- to six-year-old. You need to ask your mom that question, and I'd walk. Maybe you'd be like, well, I think so. What do you think? I'd say, give me that cookie you're eating, and then I'll tell you. I was just a deer in headlights. Oh, I'm sure. Paparazzi, I would think that it's a, if it were me, it would be an opportunity. You know, because you know the way that I believe, and I believe that it's truth, and so I would tell them that. And then I'd tell the parents, hey, here's what I told them, and if you disagree, you know, you can do whatever, but here's what I said. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

18:34You might be stepping on toes a little. How many six-year-olds could pay attention for 30 or 40 minutes? Well, that's true. Yeah. Well, and the other thing that comes to mind is that, you know, if my son is four and my son already knows the answer to that question. And so, you know, I don't know. What would you say if your son asked somebody else, God's real, right? Like, no, God's not real. Yeah, I would say, you know, well, what's daddy taught you about it? And the bottom line is that my son Jake, he's the only one I've talked to about it. The other ones, they don't get it yet. But my son Jake, he has to make that decision up for himself at some point, no matter what. I mean, I am teaching him from a young age that God is real, but he may get to a point where he doesn't believe that.

19:32And he has to make his mind up for himself. So one way or another, he's going to hear God isn't real. He's going to hear that anyway. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's just a fact of life. He's going to hear all kinds of stuff. What if Jake, what if, let's play devil's advocate. Let's say that I thought that pot should be legal. And Jake, at four or five years old, came up and goes. Should marijuana be legal? And I give him my pitch on why it should be. Yeah. I mean, that is just one of those, you know, religion. I think there's certain things maybe left for the parents. And I think, you know, religion and things like that may be one of them. I don't think you'd want somebody that didn't share your beliefs telling Jake that. Well. Like another adult or something. They will at some point. Yeah, they do. And, yeah, I don't have a problem with it. Do you not? Uh-uh. Boy, I would. I would too. That's why I think I would turn it back to the kid and get him to, you know, go into his whole reasoning and explanation because sometimes they just want to be heard anyway. Well, see, for me, it's such a important issue because it has to do with like eternity. Sure. And so for me, I'm going to tell the kid that in the same way that I, you know, because I feel so strongly about it, it'd be like a little kid saying to me, is it okay to walk out into the middle of the street?

20:49And me going, well, that's something you should ask your mom and dad. Well, that's a safety thing, man. That's different. Me too. For me, it is too, though. I know. I know what you mean. It's different than if a kid asks me, hey, what do you think about pot? Right. You know, I mean, for me, that's a political issue. And, you know, that's a health issue. But if religion is something that you think that even Jake has to accept on his own, then some other little kid has to accept it on his own. Yeah. And so I'll give him my spiel. You know, if Jake were to ask that question to Jay or to anybody, you know, I mean, first of all, my son, he's four. He already knows. Yeah. So I'm thinking to myself, wow, here's a kid that is four. They don't even they haven't even talked to about it. Right. You know, I mean, it's not taboo. It's not a sex question. Right. Yeah, exactly. You know, 5701949. It's an interesting question. Yeah, it is. Very. Somebody texted in, M1 Lions fan texted in and said, the Chargers need to play the whole game like they did the last 10 minutes of the game. And then he said, welcome to my world. I'm a Lions fan. Because he's a Lions fan. Brett Favre, he admitted to something in the sexting scandal. Happened over the weekend, we found out about it. But he's still denying something else. And Woods will tell you what that is. Coming up next in Woods on Sports, don't go away.

23:05Rolling Stones. Think Keith Richards is a strange guy? No. Oh, well, just listen to this clip of Keith talking about his father from yesterday's CBS Sunday Morning. The snorting of your father's ashes. True. It is true. You did, in fact, do. I ingested my ancestor, yes. All I was going to do was plant a good old English oak tree in the garden. Put him in there to make it grow firm and strong. As I took the lid off the box, fine bits of my dad flew onto the table. Like powder. And honestly, I could not resist. I just scooped it. For the record, I could. Yeah, I could resist. There are certain things that I am capable of resisting. Yep. And snorting my father's ashes. That's one of them.

24:10Yeah, that falls under the category of able to resist. So much better on your eggs. Took out a straw. See you, Dad. I did a little line of him. See you, Dad. See you, Dad. I did a little line of him. I had heard that before. True. And I thought it was an urban legend. Nope. He says it's true. Oh, my gosh. Ingesting your ancestors has been a very, very, very important thing throughout history. So is eating human heart, but I ain't doing that either. Many ancient cultures do that. Many ancient cultures that no one's ever heard of or knows anything about. I can't name one. I've heard it. But it happens. I made a fudgesicle out of him. Oh, my gosh. I watched that movie Get Into the Greek last night, and there's a part in there where P. Diddy is like the, what, he owns the record label. He's like the record mogul. Yeah, and he's talking about the British rock star, and he's like, don't worry about him. He's like, British rock stars don't die. He's like, look at the Rolling Stones. Oh, wow. He's like the Led Zeppelin guy. Like, they're not going anywhere. They're indestructible. It's kind of true. Pretty much. So Brett Favre did admit to something in the sexting deal.

25:27He took a picture of his penis and texted it to Jen what? Sturger? Jen Sturger. It's code for little angel. So we will tell you what he admitted to in a little bit. This is big news today. Apparently Saturday Night Live is funny. From Weekend Update. A man in China had to be freed by rescue workers after he dropped his cell phone in a toilet and got his arm stuck trying to get it out. Even worse, his wife and mistress totally met while waiting for him out to hide. That's funny. They had some funny stuff. Of course, I watched some of it because the Kings were on. So I watched some of them. How was their performance? Dynamite. Yeah? Dynamite. I wish I'd have seen that. That was good. It stinks. I can't watch Tyronite Live live. I've got to watch it on Hulu a few days later. Yeah, you can get cable if you want. What did they sing? They did Radioactive and a new song called Pyro. Two new songs. Wow. They're both great. That's cool. They look good. They played well. There's a woman that was trying to set. I think it's a woman, but I don't know. She was trying to set a Guinness Book of World Records, right? It was a dude. It was a dude. Yes. What did he do? Brace yourself. Okay. He is now in the Guinness Book of World Records for collecting, quote, belly button fluff. Ew. He has saved 22.1 grams of lint after harvesting it every day for 26 years. Creep. Harvesting it. He picks the fluff.

26:56While he waits for his shower to warm up. Of course he does. It never goes moldy. It does not smell. Of course it doesn't. So the lip from 20 years ago is indistinguishable from the new stuff. Look. Hold on. Jars. Labeled jars of navel fluff. I want him put into a capsule. and sent to the planet Mars. I want them to cut his brain open and figure out what is in his brain that would make him do this. How can they prove that that's from his belly button? I don't think they need to prove it. I don't think they need to prove it. I think they're just like, we'll take your word for it, you're in. You got it. Look at that. Did you guys ever think that you would try to get in the Guinness Book for something? I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records. I loved it. I used to sit there and read it and be like, I'd rack my brain and be like, what can I do? I was a really, really good pogo stick jumper. I could pogo for hours. And I was like, I looked up the record, and at that time it was like, I don't know, 100 hours. I was like, I can't do that, never mind. I was trying to grow my hair long. There was a woman on Sesame Street that had her hair. Yeah, I remember her. And I was like, oh, I'm going to do that. But your hair reaches a stopping point, plus my mom made me cut it. But then the other one I was going to do was a hula hooping.

28:14So I would just sit there and practice and see how many I could get, like, 30 seconds. I tried with the clothes clips. On your face? On your face. There's, like, a record for it. I can't remember. The guy's face is amazing. But I got three in. I was like, clip, clip. Oh, that hurts. Never mind. That's hysterical. I saw yesterday in the news there was some people that set a record for Siesta. And they had a bunch of beds. Sleeping? Yeah, yeah. They had a bunch of beds and they were in it. I'll try that one. That's what I said to my wife. I could do that. Did you remember? Tried to set that record this weekend at the cabin I was in. Ditto. You remember seeing the picture of like the Chinese guy with the long, long fingernails? Just creep. You're a little kid. You just creeped out. I wanted to be in that book so bad. Me too. Little kids. Love the Guinness Book of World Records. It's rad. You could spend hours. I'm going to go get an updated one and go throw it on the toilet. I was at a camp this weekend. First time I've been in a camp in my life. Ever. I never have. Bunk beds? Bunk beds. Yeah. Snoring? Snoring and farting. Oh, gross. What are your favorites? There was nobody above me. Oh, that's good. Yeah, in fact, and CB taught me a cool trick. He said, he goes, this is an old camp trick.

29:31It's like this real shallow little mattress pad up there. Thin. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You stole the one from above. She stole the one from above and put it down below. I got a sleeping bag. I had to get a sleeping bag for this. And I hate my sleeping bag. You do? Weird. I thought you were going to love it. Hate it. Why? It was pod-like. It is pod-like. But the problem with it, Woods, is that at the bottom it tapers. And so your feet are like stuck together. And I like to form my, I like to, when I lay on my back. I like to form my legs in the shape of the number four. I bend my right leg and fold it over the left leg, which is straight, and it forms the number four. I like that. Don't your legs go to sleep? No, not at all. Yes, just like that, Woods. And I love to sleep that way. And I couldn't do it, and so it was really, I didn't care for it. This one guy farted. And it woke me up. It woke me up. Oh, God. It woke me up. I was in that place between sleep and awake. I'm sorry. And it was the funniest fart I'd ever heard. Wow. What did it sound like? Just thinking of it is making me laugh. Just thinking of it is making me laugh. It was so violent and sudden. Sudden. It was so violent and sudden and quick. It went.

31:01It went. Oh, wow. It was hysterical. It made you start a little bit. You got startled. I got startled. What? What? Wow. You are a child. I am. And I even thought to myself, I'm like, I still feel seven. I'm 40 years old. That's amazing. That is incredible. Did it wake anybody else up? No. You're all alone in your laughter. Did you give him like a dude or anything, nothing? Did you sniggle? And I was so embarrassed to laugh because I thought there was six guys in that room and I thought if I laughed, they're going to be like, dude, what's your problem? It's just a guy farting. It's just a dude, man. It's no big deal. What? Brilliant.

32:03Do you think it woke him up? No, I didn't. Wow, that's amazing. And the other thing that was really, really different for me was it was a dorm. You know, there was like four showers in a row. You had to pick one. Was there barriers between? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because you would have been real, real uncomfortable if they didn't. I wouldn't have showered. No shower. I wouldn't have showered. You know, even though I had a little, you know, draw, a little curtain that I was able to draw. I still felt so uncomfortable being nude. Do you have flip-flops on? No. Mikey! I know. Oh, my God. You're going to get gangrene. Oh, dude. Oh, you're dead. It creeped me out so much that I didn't have flip-flops. I know. I was like, I'm going to have athlete's foot. No doubt about it. Rookie mistake. There is a 100% chance that you're going to have athlete's foot. No, there's not. 100%. In one of those nasty, grimy cabins with all those other dudes. Stop. That's not 100%. I'm sorry, there's 94% chance. You're making me uncomfortable. Oh my gosh. Stop, because it's creeping me out. Can I tell you what a Sally I am? I did this. They had little towels on the floor for when you'd get out of the shower. Okay? These little, you know, mat towels. And when I got out of the shower... No, not that mat. A mat like a...

33:33No, not that kind of mat. The next day, on Sunday, on Saturday they had it. Sunday, apparently there was only one mat that you get for the whole weekend. And so they were still wet. And I'm like, uh-uh. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Disgusting. So I went in my room and I got a spare blanket. And I stepped on the blanket. You took the blanket off another bed. A bed. And I used it. That's okay. It is? Then what'd you do with it? You're resourceful. I put it back as if nothing had happened. He left it there. No, I didn't leave it there. Because I didn't want anyone to say, hey, and who left that blanket? Because I knew I wouldn't lie, and I'd be like, it was me, and I don't want to be judged. What about the poor next guy who has to have your footy blanket on his face? I figured what they would do is they would wash them. I hope that they do. One would hope. Nope.

34:35But I really enjoyed the experience. Saturday, every guy there, and there was 211 dudes. Wow. Every guy there on Saturday did some sort of physical exercise. Nice. Well, 210 men did some sort. I thought you said there was 211 men. There were. Oh. But one man. Did? He napped real sweetly. You sniffed away? No, I didn't sneak away. Can I tell you how it happened? Yes. So I actually was looking forward to the event. It was a Frisbee golf. Nice. Frolf. Yeah, Frolf. And they said, we stopped keeping score about the fourth hole and it's just about making fun of each other. Right. And I go, I'm in. And so I went into my room. I laid down on my little bed and started to drift off. And they came in and they were like, Hey, dude, we're going to go do the Frisbee golf. Are you in? And I looked up all groggy and they were like, you want to just, if you want, you can just nap if you want. Done. I did. All the way. All the way. Good for you. You deserve it. I slept for hours. You did. I slept for hours. And then the next day they showed highlights of these guys.

36:00four-wheel driving and playing baseball, basketball, softball, frisbee golf, like all these activities. I'm not in one of them. Oh, my gosh. Not in one of these clips. I thought maybe that they would have snuck in there and taped me while I was laying there doing nothing. They should have shaved one of your eyebrows is what they should have done. I know they do that. I know people do that. Kudetai, you're real good. Hey, by the way, L.O.B. wrote in her recap that she doesn't want to dress up for Halloween. I don't know anything. Well, you are. You guys have to. I'm not going to be the only dip-ass dressed up. Hey, you want to, though. You're really into it. You really want to. None of it had to do with me. You're dressing up. I'm dressing up. Everybody, come on. I don't have a class. Fine, fine. Can we just have a conversation? No. Well, let's have a rational conversation with each other. We already did. We already made plans. We're making M1s dress up. We're not going to dress up. We're going to come in jeans. Listen. All I'm asking is the opportunity to have an adult conversation with you. Like, too rational. Too late. I want to be in on that. Yes. Yes, we will. I'll be. Got nothing to wear. Sounds good. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Medical Laser Center. Well, UFC 121 went down on Saturday night. Yeah. And, dude, all I saw on Facebook was Cain, Cain, Cain, Cain Velasquez over Brock Lesnar. Let's play Cut One.

37:46Are you kidding me? He beat Brock Lesnar? He beat Brock Lesnar. Lesnar is a big, big old dude. And they showed it. Somebody had a picture on Facebook of Lesnar in the locker room after. Looks like he got hit by a truck. Are you serious? And he's just slumped and leaned down. And I was like, dude, these guys are bad asses. Here's Bruce Buffer. He played the winner by TKO. And now... How'd you like to have to fight? Wow. Cain Velasquez in a bar fight. Yeah, he's 6'2", 245. Lesnar weighed in at 264, and they said it looked like he put on about 10 pounds after the weigh-in. And yeah, man, it was a big, big win for Cain Velasquez. Here's Brock talking about losing the fight. Brock Lesnar. Brock, obviously you're disappointed. Tell us, what was the game plan coming into this fight, and what did you expect from Cain Velasquez? I expected nothing less, you know?

39:01He's a great fighter. I knew I had a great challenge in front of me. Congratulations, Kane. Classy. I had a good training camp. What can I say? He was better than me tonight. Holy cow. Classy, dude. That's dignified losing, you know what I mean? Well, I'm going to rip through some scores in the NFL. There were some stunners yesterday. The Chiefs 42, the Jags 20. The Chiefs are now 4-2. Looking for real. Looking really good. The Titans beat the Eagles 37-19. They are 5-2, which is crazy as well. The Ravens barely, barely beat the Bills. The Bills fall to 0-6. The Ravens are now at 5-2. They won 37-34. The Cleveland Browns beat. The Super Bowl champion, New Orleans Saints, 30-17. Colt McCoy, 9-16 for 74 yards. Drew Brees, four picks. Oh, wow. Four picks, man. They beat themselves. The Deadskins over the Bears. Jay Cutler was terrible as usual. Threw four interceptions to D'Angelo Hall. D'Angelo Hall had four picks in the game. Oh, my God. Wow. Listen, who am I to defend?

40:10Jay Cutler. Guy's been sacked 19 times in three games. Maybe they get an offensive lineman. You know what? They're saying it's not them. It's him. He doesn't know how to get rid of the ball. He gets freaked out. He's probably scared. He's scared to death. Running for his life. The Falcons over the Bengals, 39-32. Ochocinco unleashed a curse-laden. tirade on Twitter, which makes me very uncomfortable. The Steelers barely over the Dolphins on what will be the controversial play of the year. Did you see that play? Yeah. Roethlisberger fumbled in the end zone. They couldn't tell who it went to, so they just gave it to the Steelers. Well, they called it a touchdown. They called it a touchdown. And then they couldn't tell who recovered the fumble. And, you know, someone from Miami picked it up and ran off with it. That they gave it to the Steelers, basically. And, you know, I listened to some audio of the Dolphins coach, and he said, well, we really shouldn't have been in that position. We had our chance to win it. So the Panthers over the Niners. You know you're a bad team when you lose to the Panthers. 23-20. The Buccaneers over the Rams, 18-17. The Seahawks beat the Cardinals, 22-10. The Patriots over the Chargers, 23-20. The Raiders threw up 59.

41:21points on the Broncos. 59-14 on the Broncos. The Broncos are not a good football team, man. Darren McFadden, three touchdowns. Dude, I'm looking at it, and I'm like, I'm trying to figure it out, and I'm like, is it that the Raiders are really, like, finally they've put it together, and they're like a really great team? I mean, it's kind of looking like that. 54. 59. 59 points against a professional football team. It's like a basketball score. Yeah. Absolutely. And then in the Sunday night game, it was the Packers over the Vikings, 28-24. Now it has come out that Brett Favre has admitted to leaving the voicemails, did not admit to sending the shots of his piece to Jen Sturger. And let's listen to Brett Favre. He didn't have a good night last night either. He threw another three picks. He's a gunslinger, though, so it's okay, I guess. Cut three. I don't know if it's ever easy. or easy to accept, at least for me. The whole saying, you win some, you lose some. It's true. Yes, it is. They had a great SNL parody of Brett Favre's Wrangler commercials. And it was Jason Sudeikis, who's hysterical, in these Wranglers with an open crotch.

42:43His junk was hanging out, and it was him. He's like, these make it easy for me to do what I need to do. Here, watch. I'll just take a picture. And it's just hanging out, and it's got it blurred, you know? It was hysterical. Maybe if he would have just stayed in retirement, none of this would have happened. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about this morning. Would it have still come out? Oh, no pun intended. That's Woods on sports. Okay, so a couple things. One, we're going to get this guy on. He'll come on at 7 and talk to us. Wrote us an email. about how his sister got a tattoo. And whether or not you think it's white trash or not is your call. But his fiancé doesn't like the tattoo. And his sister was going to be in their wedding. Well, the fiancé don't want her in the wedding anymore. Really? Yeah, because she doesn't like the tattoo. Says it'll be in the pictures. And so we're going to talk to this guy when we come back. Also... Don't forget that the word of the day is lullaby. And when you hear that and you're calling nine, you get a pair of tickets at Vince Vaughn and Kevin James Comedy Roadshow. Listen, I'm telling you right now, I can't get enough of this 911 call I'm going to play for you. When we come back, a guy not from the United States calls 911 and talks to the operator because his 10-year-old son

44:16Didn't want to eat dinner. It's my new favorite thing. It's my new favorite thing. It's your new cat crack. Oh, yeah. It's my new cat. That's a good one. I remember it from high school. That's so good. Word of the day is lullaby. When I say lullaby between now and 10, caller 9 gets a pair of tickets to Vince Vaughn and Kevin James Comedy Roadshow. I got to get immunized today. Jake was the host monkey. He gave it to me. I gave it to Woods. Woods now has what I had. Garbage. Garbage. Chest. It's like on the cusp of getting really bad. Like I'm right on the edge. My toes in the water of it. Like starting when you cough, it really, really hurts your chest. Keep drinking that fluid. I had the onset of it last week. Lots of fluids and I slept my butt off on Friday. Sleeping is so good. I'm going to go home and get right in bed. Yeah. It feels so good to do that. Yes, it does. Wouldn't make it any different from when I'm well.

46:05But now I have a reason. I also like to go home, go out in the barn, and have my wife boil some water. I'll get in the old tub. Yeah. And she'll come out and she'll pour the water in. And I just sit there and soak with the cows. Put some whiskey on your gums. I might have taken a bath yesterday. You did. I might have. I was really sore when I woke up. My back was hurting. And I have this... These bubbles. No, it's not bubbles, but it's this, like, heat. It's like this salt, but it's for sports stuff. So before my game, it's called, like, sports salt or something. It's called, like, balls. Yeah, giant balls, right. And I poured it in there, and my back was killing me. So I was like, hey, I'm going to go soak in the tub. And Jamie didn't even say anything. She just looked at me. Don't give me that soak. Like I'm A-Rod or something. And she looks at me. She didn't even say anything. She goes, okay. And I went up and took a hot bath before my game. Before? Before. My back was killing me. What's worse than you need, you know, you're sick, you got a cold, and you know you need a hot bath, and you get in it, and then you get out, and you're chilled. Freezing. I get in the shower right after because the salt leaves like a slime on you, so I had to get in the shower. Fingers are all wrinkled. Yep.

47:25M1 Nation. M1 Nation is our listeners. Mikey Show listeners are M1s. We got sites. We got M1site.com. We got MikeyShow.com. If you're an M1, you are a part of this grassroots thing of letting people know that you listen to the Mikey Show, spreading the word. And M1 Nation also calls in, turns their radio down, and gets to the point when they do call in. And so that's what it is to be an M1. So I can't get enough of this. Then I'm going to read you this email about the tattoo. And we're going to talk to this guy. His name is M1 Shotguard. So we're going to be talking to M1 Shotguard here in just a sec. Okay, so you got to hear this. 911 call. A 10-year-old boy in Illinois calls 911 because he's in an argument with his dad about dinner. hangs up the phone and 911 calls back to be like, what's going on there? And this gentleman picks up the phone.

48:53He misbehaved generally. In general, I can't stand him. He's a miscreant. Just in general. This kid, if you had to live with him for five seconds, you would know. You would be calling 911, too. with these kids that they have to talk back and they have to have their attitude. You know, I'll be honest with you. It is America that does it to this child. Yes, sir. Do you realize what 911 is for? I do, but I know when I live in Yugoslavia, this is not the issue with my son. Right. You know what it is? What? The MTV and the VH1. That very well may be, sir, but there's really no reason to call 911. That's just for emergencies only. You do not know Slugov. You're right. Slugov is a good boy in Yugoslavia. Right, not here. I get that. Maybe you call another. Not in Gary, Indiana. Right, maybe call another, maybe call like a child therapist or something. Can I ask you a question? Sure. How long you work?

50:11Gary, Indiana. Five years. Okay. And it's Buffalo Grove, but that's okay. Why do you have such issue with me teaching my son lesson? I really don't. I don't. I think that you should try to be a good parent, but 911 is for emergencies. Like, you know, car accidents, break-ins, things like that. Are you saying this sitting there in porno outfit? Because that is what your country is. Porno outfit. What is porno outfit? You know, like Gimp. From Pulp Fiction? From Pulp Fiction. You're sitting like Gimp right now? No, I do not have a ball gag in right now, if that's what you're asking. That's the only part you don't have that Gimp has. I do have a leather hood on. I knew it. I do. With zipper for mouth. And leather Speedo. Thank you. And I have to have my attitude in front of them because I'm the boss of the house. They have to listen to us. And at that point, I said, you know what? Call 911 if you think that you have a disagreement with me and you're right. And he called 911. Right now the 911 operator is like... Silence. He's like... He's like, can I bring this guy up on charges? Yeah. What can I do with this guy? What do I do? He's like, maybe I get my resume together and find a new gig.

51:24Are you still there? Yeah, I'm on monster.com. I'm still there. I have a career builder. Yeah, I'm just trying to get a job, bro. I'm trying to get a visa to Canada. Yes. I want to just get the hell out of here. Trying to get a flight to Cancun. Paul, you come back and finish eating right now. Oh, boy. Holy cow. Where is he at right now? In a heap of trouble. And you know the funny thing is, instead of squashing it, as the 911 operator should do. He's kind of goading the guy. He wants to know. He wants to probably make sure there's no domestic violence, no child abuse. I think he wants to goad him a little bit. I think he wants to fight, like, I got to get to the bottom of this. Let's get a bad boy or what? So what are you having? What are you eating? Are you making him eat cabbage? What did he not want to eat? Baba ganoush? Is it baba ganoush? Be honest with me, was it baba ganoush? Couscous again, really? Because I don't like baba ganoush either. Guy not like baklava or what's the deal? What's going on? He went to his room? Yeah, he went to his room. Okay. You fully Americanized that room? He's got pictures up in there. Slipknot and stuff like that. He thinks that is just a joke, this 911. I'm telling him that is not a joke. And we have to impose some rules in the house and we have to follow the rules. But all he wants is Marlboro and...

52:48Slipknots. Budweiser. Budweiser's and Slipknots and Marlboros. He told him it was a joke, but he said, go ahead, call him. Yeah. Call him. Or, I'm sorry, he said it's not a joke. It's not a joke, but go ahead. It's kind of a joke, a little bit. Find out, call yourself, find out of his joke. Flavor Flav not say 911 is a joke? I will not bail you out, so you know. You can rot in that prison for all. Maybe call Jonas Brothers. What do you think of the scare tactics for kids? Yeah, go ahead and call 911. See what happens. Yeah, Jonas Brothers not going to rescue you. Maybe Miley Cyrus be your bail bondsman. She's going to be your bail bondsman? See what Taylor Swift have to say? They take it too easy and they think that they are in control, all the kids. In Yugoslavia, we still beat Kid with cane, so it's okay. What? What? He's sending a squad car over. Maybe it's not that busy there. Oh, gosh. There's a guy, he's getting a cat out of a tree. As soon as he's done, he'll be right over to settle your dinner domestic dispute. Yeah.

54:10Holy cow. So, all right. So let me read you this email. And then I want to take calls on it. 5701949. It says, Mikey, I'm in a weird situation with my sister and my fiance. My sister got a small tattoo on her chest. It's a tiny heart. And it says love. My fiance flipped out their friends. And she says, you'll be able to see it in pictures. She wants her out of the wedding. And my parents will probably hate my fiance for it. I also think it's kind of jacked up because it's not that big of a tattoo. That's M1 Shotguard, who we have on the phone. Shotguard, you there? Yeah, I'm here. So, first of all, your sister got the tattoo over the weekend? She was out with friends and drinking it up. Mimosas. Mimosas. Brunch with besties. Yeah, brunch with besties. And so how did you find out about it, and how did your, you know, how did it, tell me what went down. Well, we were all hanging out, family and everything, over at my parents' house, and a sister comes home, because she still lives with my parents, and she came in, she had an old jacket, she was wearing some, kind of, my fiancé saw it, and she just got quiet, you know, and she got, she was all of a sudden, really just, she was antsy, like, something was wrong, she was telling me, I was asking, what's wrong, what's going on, and she shut down.

55:50She was just being really, I mean, you know, thrashing down the dates and everything from breakfast and dead. And she was flipping out. She took it like my sister was seriously trying to ruin her wedding. Like the statue was just going to ruin the wedding. Like pictures were going to be horrible. She couldn't believe. You know, she was like, she was flipping out. And I told her, you know, the first thing I was like, whoa, you know, if you're worried about the pictures, like calm down. Like those can get photoshopped out if you. really want them, you know, taken care of. She's flipping out. Because, you know, there were a couple of the problems with, like, picking out the bridesmaid dresses and stuff. You know, like, I love my fiancée, but she's kind of a, I'm going to turn into a bridezilla. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and you know what, man? I mean, honestly, as soon as you say Photoshop him out, I mean, isn't that the end of the story? Like, problem solved.

56:59It seems like a problem is solved there. It's almost like she just wants to be mad about it. She probably has a little bit of a problem with her standing up there with it, too. Oh, yeah. Which you can't Photoshop out. So while she's standing up there, all the family is going to be looking and being like, oh, one of the girls in your bridal party has a big... has a heart that says lube. And it's more money to have your photographer if it's already set. The photographer has to now make edits. Oh boy. Cover up maybe? Can you cover up? Can you use makeup on it? Not if it's... You should have to order like a specialty. They use like theater makeup to cover it up. Oh wow. Really? Oh wow. Which you'd be able to, if she hugs anybody, you'd be able to tell. Oh wow. Yeah, just stay at it. They had a huge blow up over it then. Just like she ran inside and just screamed at my sister. Oh, man. At least it doesn't say like, I don't believe in marriage. It says love. Feast on this or something. So it's like it adds to the occasion. At least it's not the Rolling Stones tongue. Yeah. Like Janice Soprano has. Oh, wow. Right. Same spot. Oh, my God. You didn't know that? No. Same spot. I don't know, man. Like, you know.

58:18One thing you learn about women is you don't mess with them when it comes to their wedding. You just kind of give up and let them do their thing. But she's being a little bit irrational, I think. Oh, man. I mean, I've heard crazier. I know someone who kicked a girl out of the wedding for being pregnant. Are you serious? Because she knew come picture time. So, I mean, I've heard worse. I've heard similar. Doesn't it look a little tacky? Well, you have a sleeve on and I wouldn't boot you out of my wedding. No, but I'd cover it up. I'd be wearing a tuxedo, bro. I've asked people. Not necessarily. What if I got married on a beach with a linen shirt? I wouldn't freak out. I'd be like, these are my people, man. If you didn't ask me to be in your wedding. Uh-huh. Because I'm sleeved and you know you're going to take pictures. You want to have classy pictures the rest of your life. I would understand. See, I think that my friends are my friends. And especially in that case, my family is my family. And you either accept them or that's a problem with me. I have asked people. I've been in weddings and I have this stupid rooster tattoo on my leg, which I'm getting removed, by the way. But I've asked them.

59:29Do you want me to wear special shoes? Do you want me to cover it up? Because I could see how they wouldn't like that. That's right. So what do they say? No, no, don't worry about it. What do I care? What do you care? Yeah, you have good friends. I've seen the pictures. They look trashy. But it's on my ankle, which is less. You don't want trashy pictures, man. I don't care. Those are my peeps, man. I care. I'll be honest, man. I'll be honest. Does Rebecca make, when you guys do family pictures, does she make you cover up your sleeve? No, because we're not talking about family pictures. That's exactly what we're talking about. Family pictures. Oh, yeah. When we get family pictures, yeah, she'll, you know, Rebecca, she picks everything out. You know, I'm not going to, what am I going to, dress myself? Fair enough. So it's always long sleeve. You'd be in jorts real good. And you want to be, you know, you want to be classy, man. You want to have a classy looking. So your thing is not classy. My sleeve? Yeah. No. Sorry. Really? It's mine. I'm just telling you. No, I don't think it is. I mean, I think it's kind of cool. I like my arm sleeved. Do I think it's classy? No. I mean, if it isn't, then the answer is yes. I think my sleeved arm is really classy. Well, I mean, it's not martinis and tuxedos classy, but it's who you are. Right, but you know what? You wear...

1:00:46you know, martini, tuxedo type clothes when you're getting family pictures or wedding pictures done. I just, if I was this guy, I'd be scared to death. I'd be like, come on, man, that's my sister. You really want Janice from The Sopranos? No. You know what I mean? It's a little hard. And I'm sure he understands this about his fiance that she's acting a different way than she would normally act because she's stressed. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Most brides are stressed because they're planning to the last minute and every last detail. I think some brides are brides, Ella. Oh, 100% they are. A lot of them are. Sienna was really good when she got married. She wasn't Bradzilla at all. M1 Chemistry from North County. Are you there? What's going down? What do you think, man? I have a couple things. My wife used to teach Montessori school, and she has a little tattoo on her ankle. It's about the size of a silver dollar. And she wasn't supposed to have any kind of ink work, so she just used to cover up, and it worked fine. Really? She even used to hide it from her family for a while, too. And then also, she's fully tatted. I mean, she's got... Hey, chemistry, you know, you kind of bring up a good point. It's one thing if you have tattoos and, like, everybody knows it. Yeah. It's another thing if you ask somebody to be in your wedding and then they go get sleeved.

1:02:11You know, that's a little bit different. But you can't ask people to put their lives on hold for your wedding. For your pictures. I'm not. I mean, putting their lives on hold would mean I'm getting married, and so because I'm getting married, I don't want you to take a trip. I'm sure that was the last thought in her head when she got the tattoo, is, oh, I wonder how this will look in my brother's wedding pictures. She should, though. Why? Thinking of others. That's nice. She probably wouldn't think it would have been a problem. Probably not. Hey, dude, I appreciate the phone call. What is your M1 shot guard, what is your, like, are you angry at your fiancé? Or are you siding with your sister? Because in your email you said you think it's kind of jacked up because it's not that big of a tattoo, which makes me think that you're kind of leaning towards your sister's side on it. You know, I love my sister. You know she's... We've been really close for the past few years, you know? And, you know, I was really excited, you know, girlfriend, now fiancé, getting married. They really got along. They really clicked. They became really good friends, you know? And I was just really torn because, you know, there's my family and then there's my fiancé. You know, this is part her day, too. You know, this is all part her experience. And I get that. Part whose experience? Hers is fiancé's. It's all hers. No, it's not. It's half his. It is, too. Yeah.

1:03:38I don't know. Do you know what, though, man? Come on. It's her day. What if they compromise and she wears the cover up, at least for the ceremony and things? Yeah. Yeah. I think, honestly, I think it was, she's just, she had a lot of stress. Like, her best friend was supposed to be her maid of honor and threw her a few curveballs before. Yeah. Really catty stuff has happened, and I know the stress is really good to her. But I just, like, you know, it was just a family moment. She flipped out on me. You know, and I just said, I didn't know what to do, you know? You call off the wedding. No. You should talk to her about calling up your sister when she's calmer and maybe apologizing. Well, and what you have to hope for, too, L.O.B., is that the sister's not like, this is my tattoo, and this is who I'm going to be, and, you know, fights her back on it. Hopefully, if she loves her brother, she'll... Oh, it already happened? Oh, God. But hopefully, they'll both bite the bullet for the sake that they both love you.

1:04:38I think that the sister should bite the bullet. Yeah, me too. And what? Just say, I'm going to cover it up for you? It's the girl's special day. She's saying she wants her out. So she said, look, I really, really want to be a part of this, but you can't really invite yourself back in. I think the fiance needs to invite her back in. Yeah, but this guy's saying she's taking a stand and she's like, I'm not covering up my tattoo. It's me. It's a part of me. You need to talk to both of them then. M1 Jessica from San Diego. Hey, are you there, Jessica? Yes, I am. I'm here. Sorry. What happened? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:05:34Close to midnight, and not once did anyone in my family ever see the huge tattoos I have right on there. Wow. Wow. That's pretty cool. I got mine airbrushed on a set before. You did? Yeah. A lot of makeup artists, like if it's having a girl come to the room to do makeup, a lot of them have it. Do tattoo cover-up now. It's very, very common. So maybe she could suggest that in a nice way and just say, you know. It'd be more appropriate for the wedding, and then maybe the sister wouldn't be so offended. What are the tattoos on your wrist? One is love, but the O is grenade. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And the other one is love in Italian. There you go. It's huge. There you go. Hey, thanks for the call, Jessica. Thank you. I appreciate it. Good luck to you, too, Shotguard. Hey, Shotguard, you should send us a picture of that tattoo. Yeah, dude, for sure. Send us a picture. See if your sister will let us have it. Why? Because it's on her chest. I just want to do his breasts for her. I mean, best for her. Oh, boy. Thank you, Shotgarden. He was sitting on that for about 15 minutes waiting to get that thing out. Unbelievable. You to manicure. You can find it right now at MikeyShow.com if you're a dude that wants to go with me and Jay and Woods on Friday. Going to get a hot shave. Then Woods, for the first time in his life, is going to have a massage. Oh, boy.

1:07:06Remember last week we were talking about that song Taylor Swift wrote for John, yeah, John Mayer. Dear John. Yeah, Dear John. Yes. And we couldn't find it. We found it. Yes. Why am I clapping? It leaked. It got leaked on Friday. Why am I clapping? I don't know, but I want to hear it too. I want to hear it too. I want to hear it too. She's talking about John Mayer and going off on him. Love it. Easily amused. Easily amused. During the break. Mia Woods just watching fart videos on YouTube. Yes. Dying. One knocked you to the ground. It did. I just went into the bathroom, and when I was in there, I thought of it, and I was standing at the urinal, and I just started laughing out loud. You started giggling, yes. Just thinking of it. I bet you guys are looking forward to Sienna coming back and joining in on the fun. That is correct. She loves her some fart humor. She does. Hey, listen, you know.

1:08:20This is the way I was made. As a guy, I am wired to think that that's funny. It's hysterical. It is hysterical. And it's infuriating, too. If somebody you know farts in your car, you're like, I get mad. I want to punch somebody. Now you know how we feel when you do it in the studio with no ventilation. But it's funny. It isn't. It is. That doesn't make me laugh. It makes me angry. It makes you laugh. It makes Jay laugh. Nope. It doesn't. Yes, it does. We were taking pictures with the people that came in last Friday, you know, got to sit in the studio. We were taking pictures afterwards. And during the middle of the picture, Woods takes his fist and slams Jay in the nads, which they do to each other all the time. It was the back of my hand. They do that with each other all the time. He'd use the back of your hand and he went pop and he slapped him. Sack check. Well, when he did and when he sack checked him, it scared. Jay and Jay accidentally bopped this girl in the head. Oh, wow. You hit her in the head? It freaked him out. Because he got so freaked out. He accidentally grabbed her boobs with both hands. It was the weirdest thing. Can you imagine? I mean, no accident. Let's see. It's a good bit. Okay. You want to hear this song? So this is the song that Taylor Swift has. It's not released. This is bootleg.

1:09:47Watch us get a cease and desist. But anyway, she wrote a song and we were talking about it. I guess they dated John Mayer and Taylor Swift. Oh, yeah. Which to me is so, you know, it just makes him a Cree. Does it? Yeah, because you know that it's just about wanting to say, oh, I got Taylor Swift. Yeah. He's an animal. He's a dirty animal. He's a dirty, filthy animal. He gets them all, every one of them. And you know that it's just that he wants the world to know. You know sweet little Taylor Swift? Yeah. Got her. Got her. That's what he wants. Guy's a Hall of Famer, man. Not necessarily. O-L-O-B. He's a Hall of Famer. Maybe he just enjoyed her company and one thing led to another. Enjoyed her nude. You don't know that. Why is she such a tattletale? She's got to reveal everything on every guy she's going out with. And this guy hurt my feelings, and this guy hurt my feelings, and this guy hurt my feelings as well. She said last week we played a clip of her going, well, you know what? Maybe they don't do that, and maybe I don't write songs about it. You know who I don't write songs about? Guys that don't break my heart. Girls that keep their pants on. Oh, boy. We don't know that they had sexual in us with it. We don't know. She said it was like writing an email and then deciding to click send by deciding to put the song on the album. We should listen to the words, and then we'll make our own.

1:10:58own judgment taylor guitar sounds real good always really no way like this is creeping me every time i hear if i hear this on the radio my skin will crawl yeah that's she's talking about john mayer And she's a little kid to me. She's not a little kid. She seems like a little kid. She seems like one, but she's all woman, pal. She didn't say anything about being a woman. She said long were the nights where the days were spent thinking about you. Yeah, because they were together. Gone are the days. Is that what she said? Yeah. I don't know what she said. Where my days revolved around you. She can sing, dude.

1:12:26Yes, of course she did. I'm accusing you of losing your mind. Because everything was out in the tabloids about how he was a heartbreaker. Hello. Hello. All that dude does is go out with celebrities, sleep with them, and break up with them. Correct. You inserted the sleep with them. That's his bit. No, he probably never slept with Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt. That's a great bit. I'm sure they just French kissed real sweetly. I'm sure they didn't even do that. He talked about Jessica Simpson. Yeah. Talked about? They dated. No, he talked about. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He talked about their lovemaking. Would he say it was terrible? No, he said she was a wildcat. Ah, right. Absolutely. Doesn't anybody think that he took advantage of a kid? No. He took advantage of her. He did not. When you're young, you don't know any better. She's one of the most powerful. women in music right now. She's still a girl. She's still a girl in front of a boy. She's an old soul. Asking him to love her. Look, Notting Hill reference. Stop it. What a creep. He's a legend. How old is he? 29. At the time, he was 29. She was 18. How do you know that? Because I'm president of Taylor Swift's fan club now, apparently. You know how I know you're gay? Yeah, because I'm the president of Taylor Swift's fan club.

1:14:03You know that he talked to his boys and he's like, guess who I'm dating? Yeah. I got me some Taylor. I'm going out with Taylor Schwerk. Oh my God. You know what that probably means? hey, don't call. Don't text. At this time or this time. And she was a little kid, and so she was like, okay, okay, okay. No, it was, I don't want anything serious. And then he'd be like, I could just see myself. Yeah, I could see myself with you forever. Falling in love with you. I've used that bit. Creep. Me too. Works like a charm. I was a full-blown creep. May have said it to my wife. Oh my gosh. Me too. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. May have used it on the basis. I've said it too. Everybody says it. Whatever. Yeah, but we said it to sleep with them. Yeah, I know. You did too? No, you didn't. Girls don't have to. Yeah, she did it for the reason girls do it. Girls do it because they want to use a guy like an emotional vampire. They want to suck his emotional blood. No, sometimes they just want a warm body to cuddle with. Cree.

1:16:12Wow. Here's the deal. I'm going to get beat for this. I like it. I like it a lot. That's a great song. I do too. It's a great song. I love anything that's completely honest. She's so sweet. Sienna can't even handle it. She's calling in. Hi. I'm pacing right now. Oh, I bet. I bet. What do you think? Seriously defending her? Yes. No way. I'm not. I'm not, Sienna. I'm not defending her. I didn't say she made up her own mind. Why? But she was 18 18

1:16:52And you have no idea really what went on. He could have just said, hey, let's just go out to go get something to eat. And then they maybe hung out a couple times. Maybe nothing happened. And all of a sudden she's like, and you broke my heart. I bet he was all sappy at some point. And then he'd be with his boys and he'd be like, what do you want? Really? If it was anybody else, I would believe it. But knowing the notorious Lothario that that guy is, dude, that guy. She knew too. Sienna. Exactly knew. She knew she would. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because I'm going to, okay, we're all filling in blanks. So now it's my turn to fill in blanks because that's what we're all doing. This is the way that my imagination has it. They recorded a song together, right? Yeah. Okay, so they're recording a song together and he gets it in his head. He's like, I'm going to get the taboo Taylor Swift. I'm going to. Like, I've gotten it all. Maybe he was just attracted to her. Yeah, maybe. I'm sure he was. Why wouldn't he be? Yeah, why wouldn't he be? She's gorgeous. But maybe it wasn't about getting her because she was Taylor Swift. Yeah, she'll be the one that changes how John Mayer is. Plus, if that was two years ago, she wasn't what she is today. Okay. Well, she was, though, two years ago. She was gigantic two years ago. She was. Okay, so they're recording, right? Yeah. And he says to himself, I've had Jen Aniston, Jessica Simpson. Yeah.

1:18:16Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yeah. I've had the Mount Rushmore of women, basically. But you know who I haven't had? I haven't had the innocent little Taylor Swift, who's an adult now, by the way. Yeah, girl next door. So innocent. She's 18. And that I haven't had. She's so innocent. Now, now, wait, hang on, hang on. Me too, Sienna, me too. And so, and so. He starts his bit. Of course, he's John Mayer. He's got the best mouthpiece there is. He's got the greatest rap. He's got the greatest line. Now, 18-year-old Taylor Swift is like, no way. You're not going to get me. I know who you are. I know what you're all about. I know what you blah, blah, blah. She probably put up that fight, which was more of a challenge to John freaking Mayer. And he was like, This is child's play. And she would be like, no. She probably said no for a month even. And that's giving her a giant benefit of the doubt. And he was persistent. Then he grabbed his guitar and he goes, ah. You guys are filling in a whole lot of blanks. This is ridiculous. I can't believe that two men are defending the girl. They got a heart broke. She's so delicate. You have a friend that you call a Lotharia, right? Yes. Bark Malman. Yes.

1:19:38Does he have any ulterior motive other than he's just attracted to people and just wants them? Yes, sex. Yeah, exactly. But he's not like, you know what? It would really up my street cred. I'm not saying that. Or this would really be a challenge. I'm not agreeing with Mikey. He wants street cred. Not street cred. He just is like, I'm going to get Taylor Swift. He wants every girl. Yeah. So I can't leave me and Mikey are defending the girl. Go ahead, Sienna. First of all, I'm just, and I've said this a million times, I'm so tired of Taylor Swift being the victim of everything. She's a grown woman, and I guarantee she was 19 when she recorded the song with him. She's 20 now. He's 32. So, you know, about the same age gap as me and my husband. So I know about the games that the older men play, and I can play them all day, too, and she'd be able to. So I guarantee this is what I think. They recorded their song together. He did his little John Mayer thing, maybe put his hand on her thigh or something when they were sitting down eating lunch. And she was like, ooh, John Mayer, ooh. And then she pulled the little girl card of texting, over-texting, texting. And John Mayer, always in the back of his mind, was like, ooh, innocent Taylor Swift, just like you were saying, Mike. I think she was the one probably initiating it. Maybe, but he should have known better.

1:20:56And I don't think he cares. Because he's an older dude. You know what? I married one. Yeah, I know. But what I'm saying is he should know that at her age, she's vulnerable. Oh, no. So do we all agree that they slept together? Yes. No, I don't agree. I don't agree. Listen, if I'm being an attorney here, I offer this song as Exhibit A. Absolutely. I cried the whole way home. My mama told me not to get involved with you. Sienna, doesn't that break your heart? No. No, the song is good. I'll give her that. I like the song. And I like a lot of her music. But her whole, I'm so innocent, I'm going to trash every guy. I'm the one that doesn't do anything wrong. It's all them. I hope that John Mayer comes back, and I think he might, with a song rebutting her. Go for it. I mean, they have artistic freedom. If you're a songwriter, you've got to write about life. To me, she's a beating. She's not a beating. This is what his song would sound like. I did everything you said I did. Because I wanted to sleep with a...

1:22:01We got some. That's good at least. I wore a t-shirt and I knew what I was. You didn't know any better. You were just a kid. You got seduced. I vote. Sienna, you are biased towards Taylor Swift. You're a Taylor Swift.

1:23:43I love her. Guys just look at her and go, she's just so innocent. She's such an angel. That's not what I think. Women look at her and say that. I say that. Yeah, I don't. During her John Mayer relationship, she was probably talking about, and we're going to have a fairytale wedding, and we're going to have six kids. Yeah, he probably told her that every once in a while when he was drunk. Yeah. Trying to sleep with her. She seems like a very level-headed young woman. Does she? Yeah, look how she handled the Kanye thing. It's not like she was like, OMG, I can't believe he's doing this to me right now. L.O.B., I'm kind of a fat slob, and I used to get laid by playing the guitar. Can you imagine John Mayer playing the guitar? I mean, done deal. This is an excellent opportunity for a media push for me. I can write a whole sign about this. She's bigger than him. Let me tell you, there were times where he hadn't closed the deal. And they'd be on the phone. He'd be in Manhattan. She'd be on the road. And he'd be like, he'd call her up and he'd go, I could picture myself with you. I could picture myself with you. And maybe he could. I really could. I'm sitting here just messing around with my guitar. But what about all that stuff that they said about you and Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Allen? You know what, man? You know what? Jessica was never right for me from the very beginning.

1:24:53I knew that from the very beginning. She's a talented singer, though. She's not like... We never had the chemistry me and you have. I never had chemistry. That's what's real about me and you, baby. It does feel real. It is. That's because it is. It can't feel that way unless it is. Did you know that I was really awkward in high school and I never really got the guys? I want to see you right now. I'm going to charter a plane. Should we Skype? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to Skype. I'll Twitter about it. I'm going to post this on my Facebook. No, don't do that. I'm going to post right now. You want to know how serious I am? I'm really good at it. I'm pretty good at it, too. I'm really good at Twittering. You don't even have an account. I deleted it, but I'll reopen it and activate it. Let me do it. I've got like four million followers. I freaking love you. You better mean that. I do. Let's make love. How about just second base for now? How about shortstop, where shortstop plays? How about where shortstop is? I don't even know what that means. I'm chartering a plane right now. I'm going to show you. Sienna. I'd even imagine them hooking up. I am never going to agree with you on this. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, Sienna. I know. I love you guys. Love you. Love you. We'll talk to you tomorrow. See you in the morning. All right, bye. Bring some donuts.

1:26:27I don't think I'm done listening to the song. No, I want to hear it. I'm almost done listening to it, but it ain't done yet, and I want to. And we got other stuff, too. Oh, man, the Rent Is Too Damn High guy. You know the Rent Is Too Damn High party guy? Yes. The real Jimmy McMillan is running for governor of New York, and he calls himself the Rent Is Too Damn High guy. I represent the Rent Is Too Damn High party. People are working eight hours a day to 40 hours a week to sum a third job. Women can't afford to take care of their children, feed their children breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My main job is to provide a roof over your head, food on the table, and money in your pocket. Now, they did that on Saturday Night Live. Maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. We'll play the audio next time. My wife just emailed me and said that John Mayer also went out with Minka Kelly. God bless. She's Lila Garrity from Friday Night Lights. Soon to be Mrs. Derek Jeter. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. They're engaged? Yeah, I think so. Oh. They've been together for a while. Does he just get to pick whoever he wants to go out with and he just goes, I've just decided? Mayor or Jeter are both. Both of them. Jeter, I think, has more pole than John Mayer. Oh, yeah, dude. I think they probably give each other a run for their money. I don't know. DJ's pretty legendary in New York. The only person I know is Madonna. No, Mariah. Mariah and Madonna. He didn't do Madonna.

1:28:03Yeah, he did. No, Jeter didn't. No. I don't think he did. No. Was it A-Rod that Madonna went out with? A-Rod, yes. Yeah, that was weird. A-Rod, too. A little bit of a legend. Can't hit in the postseason, but. They both have beautiful eyes. That must be it. They also have beautiful wallets. Yes. Beautiful pinstripes. Beautiful hair. They wear those pinstripes, too, real good. It'll get you. I guess the pinstripes get the ladies. That's true. Lila Garrity. Yeah, Minka Kelly is. That makes my mouth water. She was just named Esquire's most beautiful woman. She's incredible. I wonder if Megan Fox goes, man. What am I doing? What did she used to be? Yeah, Megan Fox was the number one girl on every list. Yeah. Smoking hot. Not on my list. Yes, she is. You're just not being honest. What would he have to lose? Was she not going to date me? He's honest about everything else. He's being a plebeian. Yes, being a plebeian. Megan Fox. Dude, here's the test. It's always the test. Okay, so Steve Sklenar.

1:29:18Our sales manager walks in here right now with Megan Fox in a business suit and says, hey guys, I'd like you to meet our new sales girl for FM 94.9. Her name's Megan. And then she walks out and Jay's not going to say a word. Or he's going to go, man, she's ugly, right? No freaking chance. Say she's farty. Really? I want to protest. I want to have a big sign. Jay is a liar. Jay is a liar. She's no Sally Field. I never liked Sally Field. My goodness. But we all scrutinize the celebrities more than we do regular people. Megan Fox, I think, is kind of hard to scrutinize. I mean, women even go, yeah, she's gorgeous. I agree that she's absolutely stunning. Stunning. Stunning. Kills me when people give me. Takes your breath away for a second. Yeah, there are some people that I've met people, even dudes. That they're so good looking, it's kind of uncomfortable to look at them. Yes. You look at them, you're like, damn it. And when you're talking to them, you are nervous. Nervous, yeah. Because it's like looking at the sun. Yeah. You're like, ooh, that's weird. You're like, ooh, you're so good looking, you're almost weird looking. Yes, you're strange. To which I think to myself, what must that be like?

1:30:35That must be so odd. It's hard. Isn't it a hard thing to do? Like Johnny Depp, when he wakes up in the morning, he looks in the mirror, he's like, yeah, you're damn right. Now, would that be your example? That's my example. For a dude, yeah. See, I think it's Brad Pitt. Yeah, Brad Pitt's got a kind of bad skin. He does? Yeah, he's got a pit face. Really? No pun intended. Yeah, he's got, like, pockmarks. No, come on. Yeah, dude, I swear. He does have a little bit, but... You can certainly get past that. It's nothing that a little facial hair won't cover up. Fair enough. But, you know, for me, my man crush is Johnny Depp. So if you were to pick one guy you could look like, it would be Johnny Depp? He's too dainty. A thousand percent. He's very attractive, but he's too dainty for me. I need all men. I like my men dainty. Yeah, I think that he has kind of feminine features. No. Sort of. Yeah, if he had boobs, he'd be perfect. Sharp dude. Sharp dude. Literally sharp. He's got some sharp features. Pointy chin. Yeah. Sharp guy. I'm not trying to take the guy down because he's Johnny Depp. If I had to pick a guy that I would be, Clooney. Yes, dude. Clooney is a suave. You looked like Clooney that day at the race. He's a little old for you, isn't he? Bruce Willis used to be my guy, but he's gone down a little bit. I think Bruce Willis is pretty sharp, dude. I saw this guy. I convinced myself. Oh, boy. I was in Chipotle, and I was like, oh, my gosh, it's Bruce Willis. Oh, no.

1:31:58Put Chipotle in Encinitas. I was paralyzed. Excuse me, Mr. Willis? My name's Fred. I'm an accountant. I kept. And this guy definitely felt me vibing on him. And then he went up to go refill his lemonade or whatever. And I was like, oh my gosh. I couldn't have been more off. But I had been giving him the eye. He's like, can I help you? Nothing. He had these swishy gym pants on. Do you need your taxes done? I work at H&R Block across the street. No, he had these swishy... pants you wear to the gym and nerdy sneakers. He must have really looked like Bruce Willis. If she thought it was him. I had just seen the Between Two Ferns and he had a really shiny head and really strong jaw. And I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. That's Bruce Willis. It's hysterical. Alright, so I gotta give you this thing from Saturday Night Live. This is the real Jimmy McMillan. I represent the Rent is too damn high party.

1:33:02Here was this weekend on Saturday Night Live. Allow me to introduce myself. That's Kenan. I represent the rent is too damn high party. You know why? Because the rent is too damn high. People got seven jobs. They're working 36 hours a day, 20 days a week, and they can't afford a roof. I will make sure that you have a roof over your head, money in your pocket, and breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You hear that? Somebody's stomach just grabbed. That was a children's stomach just grabbed because the rent is too damn high. You know how much a one-bedroom apartment costs in Manhattan? $77,000 a month. You know what a roof costs? You can't afford it. You know what breakfast, lunch, and dinner costs? Put it this way. It'd be cheaper to eat a roof. Now you probably look at me and you're thinking to yourself, what is he just another Washington insider? What is it? What is it? Part of the establishment. Well, believe it or not, I have never been a governor anyway. People ask, if elected, how would you lower our rent? Simple. The rent is too damn high. He looked just like it. Yeah, he did. Oh, man. Yet he doesn't pay rent. I wish. Yeah. Because it's too damn high. That's why he can't pay it. Exactly. I wish that we could do a TV show.

1:34:31Oh, me too. Oh, my gosh. I was just listening to that thinking how fun it would be to caricature. Costumes, the whole thing. The whole bit. The word of the day is lullaby, and you want to be listening for that. When you hear me work the word lullaby into a sentence, caller number 9 at 5701949 will get a pair of tickets to the Vince Vaughn and Kevin James Comedy Roadshow that is coming to San Diego. Brock Lesnar got beat by Cain Velasquez. Here's Cain. That's one Mexican I don't want to mess with. No doubt. And I hope somebody doesn't write me and go, actually, Mikey, he's not Mexican. He's, you know, Cuban, Dominican, blah, blah, blah. I think he is Mexican. He's actually from Barcelona. I know, but I get that all the time. Like, I'll say, it'll be somebody Martinez. Yeah.

1:35:33And I'll be like, oh, you know, that guy, you know, is a Mexican. And I'll get an email that'll be like, he's actually Chilean. It's an entirely different country, Mike. So I'm sorry if I messed it up. Let's see. So you want to do Name That Tune? What do we have as a prize? What could we give away as a prize for Name That Tune? I have a Body Art Expo. All right, so it's tattoos. You go there and you get to see tattoo stuff and piercings and all that stuff that they do for body art. Woodsy doesn't have a tattoo or a piercing. I have a tattoo. He has a softball. Oh, that's right. Flaming softball. Flaming softball. It's actually a sun, but my buddy Adam likes to call it a flaming softball. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it kind of looks like a flaming softball. Does it? A little bit. Does it? Look at this, sun. I picked it off the wall. I was hammered drunk. I was 18 years old on 6th Street in Austin. What do you want me to do? I guess. Wait a minute. The legal drinking age is 21. Yes, I had a fake ID. Wow. Did you date John Mayer? I did. John Mayer and I slept together. I wrote a song. Wow. So what is the price? It is the Body Art Expo. Body Art. Didn't I just talk about that? Yeah, that's why we were talking about this stuff. Maybe there's an issue there. No, no, no. Did your coffee this morning? Yeah. Okay.

1:36:53Okay, call us at 570-1949, and you're going to pick either me, Woods, or L.O.B. to represent you. Represent. And we will use our name as a buzz-in. And what is the theme today? The theme is songs turned into lounge music by Richard Cheese. Got it. Oh. Okay. We should let it be known that I have won the last two weeks in a row. Yes, she has. She's been killing. FYI. L.O.B. has been doing great. And Richard Cheese, yeah, he does, like, lounge music, but he does Rage Against the Machine, and he does, like, you know. It's pretty funny. Regular stuff. M1 Beth from City Heights, who would you like to select? I would. You know that. You got it. Hang on the line. M1 Greg from Carlsbad, who do you want? Mikey. Huh? They're not going with the winner. No faith. Wow. They figure you're due for a loss. I guess so. M1 Phil from San Marcos, you've got LOB. Sounds good. Yeah, she's won the last two weeks, dude. Hang on. Better believe it. Hang on the line. All right, let's do this. And away we go. Mikey. What? Creep. Yeah. It starts hot. Here we go. Lauren. Sir makes a lot. I would have never gotten there. Baby got back. Lauren. The doors. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I totally blanked. Woods. Trying to. Depeche Mode.

1:38:54Yes. Yes, Woods. Yes. I could hear it, but I had no idea. I know. So what's the score? Woods won. Mikey won. Lauren zero. She's zero or negative? No. She's zero. She had one. That's right. I got it. Don't worry about it. Mikey. System of a down. Wow. Wake up. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Worst. When he sings, he says, put up the keys on the table. Yeah, let me hear a little bit. Here we go. Have a brush and put on a little makeup. Hide the scars and fade away that shakeup. Oh, my God. Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Why did you leave the keys upon the table?

1:40:01Wow. Is this guy old, man? No, he's our age, 30s. I cry when angels deserve to die. I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye than go see that guy in concert. It's hysterical, dude. After one song, I'd be like, I get it. I'm telling you, man, he makes it pretty fun. No, he makes it fun. He's all dressed up in the gear. It's fun and it's crazy. Do you dance in the audience, like twist and stuff? You just laugh. I mean, it's a bunch of people just laughing. Maybe take mushrooms and go see it. Whoa. Wow. It's fun. Okay. Awful. Here we go. What? Nine Inch Nails. We both knew that. Lauren knew it, too. We did, yeah. Let it soak in. Here we go. Woods. Nirvana. Oh, my gosh. You're good. You're good. You're good. Your brain operates about a quarter of a second to a half a second quicker. Yep. Gosh, darn it. Here we go. Lauren. Wow. Beat it. Oh, my gosh. All right. Woods 3, Mikey 2, L.O.B. 1.

1:41:38This is a gut-wrencher. Oh, my goodness. I think this one's easy. Lauren. Lauren. One, two, three. Queen. Queen. Oh, my God. Dang it. I knew it. I was like, oh, I couldn't wait. I was waiting. I couldn't wait for him to buzzer because I knew it. She goes, mama, queen. We need to isolate that. Mama, queen. Queen. Isolate, isolate. My queen! My queen! And then I want to auto-tune it. I want to do the whole thing. My queen! I wish you guys could have seen her face. My queen!

1:42:38For a second, I thought she was having a seizure. Yeah. What's the score? Gosh darn it. Woods, three. Mikey, two. L-O-B, two. Oh, gosh. We have three remaining. Let's go. Oh, gosh. Here we go. Warm it up. La, la, la, la, la, la. Lauren. Oh. I thought it was something. Oh. Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Yes. Man. No way I'd have gotten that. Woods, three. Mikey, two. L-O-B, three. Woods. It's Papa Roach. Woods 4, Mikey 2, LLB 3. Here we are, the last one. Woods. The name of that band is Lit. Yes, Lit. No, it's Lit. You are wrong. Lit is the name of that band. It's not what it had for me. I'll bet you a billion dollars. What is this song? It's My Own Worst Enemy. Yeah, Lit. I think Lit is My Own Worst Enemy. Is it? It had it underneath another name. Who? Salava.

1:44:02Or Slava. No, that's lit. My One Worst Enemy is lit. Yep. Yes. Oh, man, that was fun. Woodsy? Five. Gotcha. Real good. Man, it's been a while since the kid's back in the winter. You are back in a big way. And when Beth, from City Heights, you are going to the Body Art Expo because of your boy Woods. Oh, my God, would you rock. Thank you. He killed it for you. Hang on the line, please. I won it fair and square. I did the L.O.B. I was like... I know. Because you know it in your head. Yes. Those are tough. Those are tough. This is a crazy story. When we come back, I'm going to tell you about how somebody put a crocodile in their carry-on, and it tore out of the bag and killed 19 people on an airplane. It's insane. We have the details. Word of the day is lullaby. You're listening for that. Don't go anywhere. The shots today. I feel sorry for you, pal. Maybe they won't let me. Maybe not. I'm recovering from a cold. I think it's gone because I think you gave most of it to your boy here. So you should be fine. You'll be fine. They'll let you. You're going to go home and go to sleep? You know that. Prone a nice little lullaby and just dripped off? Yes, I'm sure my wife's very stoked about having to take care of me the rest of the day.

1:46:12because I'm a grouchy when I'm sick. My wife is sick. So are the boys. Oh, no. Except for Jake because he was a hose monkey. Yeah. He's feeling good. He's running around just playing accordion real good. He doesn't get it again. You can't, can you? I don't know. Sometimes. I don't think it's like chicken pox. I think it can come back. You got to get some Jorge's chicken tortilla soup. In. All the way in. LLB, remember that you said that because it's going to be one of the things I tell you about myths about colds. Really? Yeah. I got seven things that we all think are true that ain't. Please don't say chicken soup. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Wow. Chicken soup is a real deal. We'll have to find out. Whether it's a placebo or not, that stuff, it works real good for me. What are you staring at me for? Because, you know, you can't handle your coughs. It gets caught in my throat. All last week, remember? I was sick. Did you know it? Did you know it? Are you feasting on yourself right now? Because I haven't been in radio for 22 years. Maybe you're right. And I need to remember that. You got to remember. I got to remember. You know, LLB and I were talking. You know, a year ago, I would have said, hey, I feel like crap. I'm not coming in. See you later. The fact that I'm sitting here means I'm fighting through. Oh, me too. Last week I wanted to die. That was me on Friday. I thought about it Thursday night. Oh, man. What would it be? No, no.

1:47:32Yeah, me and Mikey just sitting here shooting the breeze real good on a Friday. M1 Michael from Pine Valley. Are you there? Yes. What was the word of the day? Lullaby. You're correct. Lullaby. Did you feel like less of a man saying that or something? No. I think he was doing the L.O.B. with it. Lullaby. Oh, okay. I get it. That's right. As in he'd like to sing you a lullaby. You just want a pair of tickets to the Vince Vaughn Kevin James Comedy Roadshow. Hang on, Michael. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Go to MikeyShow.com if you want to get on the you to manicure thing that we're doing. You got to give us a poem, 200 letters or less. Now, we say 200 letters because it's like characters. It counts just the letters. It's not words. Question. Yeah. Do we have any submissions yet? Jay. Sure. We do. Yes. Plenty. Plenty.

1:48:29Now, here's what you, if we select you, here's what you'll get. We're going to go get a straight razor shave from Two Roses Barbershop in Logan Heights. And then we're going to get man pampered. Mampered. We're going to get a massage, pedicure, and facial. Oh, my God. From Urban Skin Care and Bee Beauty Boutique in Little Italy. Sounds like a bachelorette party. We're taking a stretch Hummer limousine from Rockstar Limos. Toppers driving. Yeah. Rockstarlimosd.com. You going to hang out the top of it, the moonroof, take your top off? It's going to look like Sex and the City 3. Yeah, it is. I had to write Adam, our promotion director, an email this morning and say, please make sure that you get me a female masseuse. One of them is a masseur. A man is a masseur? A man-sure. Jay requested a man. I said somebody with strong hands. Did you really? I don't know. Sounds good, though. I requested an 18-year-old Swedish girl. It doesn't matter to be one way or the other. I'm comfortable. No, I don't. Never mind. I don't know what I want. You want a woman. You know I'm going to get a dude. You know I'm going to.

1:49:53Adam. Adam, if you're listening, I'd like a young Asian lady. That's what he wants to handle for you. Oh, boy. Why don't you, when you walk in the door, why don't you handle it yourself when you walk in the door? I thought you were taking a request, dude. No, that's not the way it works, though, Jay. Yeah, it is. It's like when you normally walk in, you have to do that. You don't have your mom call beforehand and say, You make an appointment, bro. Yeah, they usually set it up through the appointment. Adam, if you're listening, Woods wants a young Asian woman. Adam, if you're listening. Make them both men for these guys. Put that on the top of your to-do list. Yes. Some giant. Steven Roods. Is Steven Roods here? Yep, this is me. Hi. Hello. Hi, how are you? It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. My name is Kim. Hi, Kim. I will be working with you today. Okay. Do I need to disrobe or how does this work? You've never done before? I've never done. This is my first time. Okay. Please be gentle.

1:50:59I will be gentle with you. Okay. Would you get a pick from a various different type of... Different type of fragrance and oil. Okay. And what? Oil. What? I'm going to rub oil on your skin. Oil. Okay. And you get to pick if you want a lavender or if you would like a sage or vernera. I will take vanilla. Oh, I'm sorry. We're out of vanilla. I'll take Ravender then. Ravender. Okay. We'll give you Ravender. I will take Ravender. I'm going to leave the room. And I leave. Then you can take off your robe. Okay. And I need you to be... Go ahead. Do I leave my underwear on? It's completely up to you. What do most people do? Because I'm very uncomfortable. This is my first time. Most people take it off. They do. They take it off. Okay. And then you lay face down. Okay, face down. And you put your face in the little donut. Okay, in the little hole there. The little hole. Okay. And then you cover yourself with a sheet. If I'm on my stomach, how do I cover myself? Do I have to, like, pull it up over? You lay down on the table. Okay.

1:52:24Put the face in the road all right. I got that part and then put the sheet over your buttocks, okay? And then there are all form no Please there all for my make me you make me uncomfortable Do I have to lay me you have to lay on my stuff? Do I need to lay up? You've never been in bed before Never read in a bed my bed is it made out of this? polyurethane foam. So it's got a little more gift to it. It doesn't be like the chair at a diner. I will knock gently on the door when I come back. And then you tell me if you're ready. Okay. Let me get my stuff together here. I'm not leaving the room yet. I'm not leaving the room yet. Wait. Please, sir. Wait until I leave the room. Okay? Can you do that? Yeah.

1:53:27Okay, wait. Okay, I'm ready. Oh my goodness. You have... Yes, it is quite a sign, isn't it? You're just... You're just celebrating that news. I'm not really sure what to do here. I'm a little nervous. I have to leave again. Yes. Hello, Mr. Wood. Yes, I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm ready. Oh my gosh. This is exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm scared of death. You'll be fine. I'm going to be squirming like a fourth grader at a ballet, dude. I'm going to be losing my mind. Going to be popping a tent. Oh, man. Can I lay on my stomach the whole time? No, they'll tell you to turn. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Maybe you should ask to do face up first. No. It's not going to help. Face up first? Yeah. Face up on my back. What's the point of that, LLB? So he can control himself until he gets down on his belly.

1:54:34But if I'm face up, it's more likely to, when they start rubbing my legs or something. But won't I get the more into it she gets? Hey, this is not like. Wow. Never mind. Yeah, it's not a brothel. It's not? No. Oh, okay. You're getting a massage. But if he's afraid of that kind of thing. I'm afraid of that. I'm scared of that. It won't happen. No, it doesn't, Woods. Maybe I'll take some meth before I go in and I'll be fine. Oh, gosh. Are you six years old, for crying out loud? I guess. My goodness. I'm so nervous. You're not a freshman in high school. I won't sleep. I won't sleep Thursday night, I'm telling you. Ridiculous. I'm petrified. Maybe they just do my arms. My calves. I'm more petrified. Oh, God, that too? They're used to everything. Oh, are they? Yeah, they are. That makes it that much better. LB's still itching? I'm a little bit better, but...

1:55:38Yeah, still itching. You didn't fill your prescription? No. LOP's been itching for how long? It's been like almost a month now. Now as soon as you say it, now I'm itchy. My mom works for a doctor's office. She's like, you know, I read your blog about the prescriptions and if you don't want to spend the money, I can get them filled for you here and like mail them to you. I'm like, it's not about that. It's a bit. I don't understand why you don't want them if they can help you. Because they were like... Totally inconclusive on what it was, but they were like, all right, just... But if it's some kind of cream that might help, would you want to try it? Might help. It might help. It has steroids in it, too. Well, you're not going to turn into Schwarzenegger. No, you won't be Lou Ferrigno. All of a sudden, it's just sprouting hairs on my chin. This is what I did for L.O.B. Oh, boy. Make your body twitch. Now I'm itchy. Oh, you a cracker. She likes the fellas black. Oh, when a scratchy comes along, she must itch it. And even if there's nothing wrong, she must itch it. Oh, when she's eating egg too young, she'll chop itch it. Now itch it. L-O-B. Scratch it up. Mental case. Don't throw it. Crack head. Get it infected. If you have to, just itch it. Itch it good.

1:57:08Genius. Oh, my gosh. How fun was that to write? Oh, my gosh. It was the greatest. I love it. I was sniggling. Sniggling the whole time. Crackhead. If you're eating egg booyang. When you're eating egg booyang, you chopstick it. That's genius. 570-1949 is our number. All right. I got an email for you. You can call in about this email if you'd like. 570-1949. Oh, yeah. I didn't do the story about the crocodile. Yeah. Do the story about the crocodile. You want me to do it? Okay, so there's this flight in the Congo. And, dude, when I told Mike about the story, he's like, really? I'm like, yeah, this is one of the craziest things. I even made you look up to make sure it wasn't fake. I had to look it up, and I found it from a reputable source. So this guy brings a crocodile in his sports bag, and he's going to sell it. And I guess he had sedated it for the flight. So there's 20 people on the plane. Well, it rips out of its sports bag and starts. walking down the aisle basically sparks a panic. The people on the plane freak out, rush the cockpit. The plane crashes. Oh my gosh. One survivor, dude. One survivor. The crocodile survived the crash, later killed with a machete by rescuers sifting through the wreckage. The crocodile survived the crash. Yes. Wow. Dude.

1:58:26How crazy is that story? It was insane. The terrified air host is hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers. The plane was sent off balance, and despite the best efforts of the pilot, crashed. Wow, so that's what happened? All the weight went forward? Yep. Because people were maybe trying to get behind a closed door or something? Oh. That is insane. Oh, man, that's sad. What a dope to put the alligator in there. Yeah. How did he sedate it? I don't know. He sedated an alligator. Maybe don't mess with alligators. Take it from me. You don't watch swamp people, do you, because of what happened to you? I watch sports. And the Jersey Shore. And the Jersey Shore. Damn it. Kathy Callout got me real good. I might have watched a few episodes. The other day. Then don't give me any hard time about what I watch. It was on the remote. Battery was low. It wouldn't change, so I had to leave it. Had to watch Pauly D and all the rest of the guys. The situation. The situation. Pretty funny dude. He is. Kind of like him. This email says, A Mikey Show. It's my girlfriend's birthday coming up and her friends are throwing her a party. She asked if I could be, quote, hands off with her at the party because her ex is going to be there. What?

1:59:35She knows he still has feelings for her, so she says she doesn't want to rub it in his face and hurt his feelings. I can certainly be cool with it and go along with it, but it bums me out at the same time. Do I have a right to be upset? Thanks, M1 Hands Free. I can't believe this is... Is he even a question? A question. He's a very forgiving and patient man. She doesn't want to rub his face in it. You know what? Maybe don't invite him to the party. Well, she didn't, but... Yeah, he might be like a mutual friend. Mutual friend. Maybe tell him to get it. Well, I mean, I just think it takes a lot of rocks for a woman to say, hey, you're my boyfriend. Keep your hands off me while we're around my ex-boyfriend. I wouldn't want to upset him. Yeah, unless maybe while she was dating exy is when she started with hands-free guy, and it's a sensitive subject. Well, then don't go. How creepy. Yeah. You're going to it, even. He can't help it. He's in love with her. Yeah, but that's his problem. I would not take too kindly to that. If the roles were reversed and a guy said that to me. Can you imagine saying that to your girlfriend? Imagine my wife saying that to me. Hey, my ex is going to be there. Can we not get all snuggly? I'd be like, really? Are you kidding? But maybe they just started dating. I don't know. I'd do that. I would make Rebecca go in there and piggyback if she said that. 100%. Pantsless.

2:01:04Whoa. Wow. No. Why is it happening, hot stuff? 5701949. I mean, I think he's being cool that he's even entertaining it. I'd be all over. I'd be all over like white on rice, dude. Why are you going to a party that you can't let your boyfriend touch you? That's weird. She probably knows she did something wrong and feels guilty about it. Maybe she started this relationship too soon. He's like, oh, so that's the guy you replaced me with. Right, right. M1 Rick from Rancho San Diego. Going on. You know what? Honestly, I think it's probably a good thing. You know, just have the guy show up, be cordial, be a man about it. And he's one of the girls. You know, why rub it in his face? Yeah.

2:02:03Better way to go anyway. Yeah, that's true. He kind of won. He's like, yeah, it's fine. I'll keep my hands off you. Yeah. And just, you know, you won. But it would irk me a little bit. And I'd probably walk in there with an attitude, you know? Wow. I think Rick just changed my whole opinion. He did mine too. Yeah. Because he called into question our manhood. Yeah, that must have been it. Because I was like, oh, I'm a wuss. Yeah. Like I'm insecure. Yeah, you're insecure. Rick, you got me. You got me too, pal. You changed my opinion. Great work. Thank you. The roles were reversed. I wouldn't worry about being, I wouldn't be like, oh, I'm not enough of a woman to handle you telling me that. It's different, though. Yeah, because men, it's a respect thing. And we have to be. We have to be men. It would depend on how she put it, though, too. If she was like, hey, he's coming. I know he still has feelings for me. Can you just, like, be careful with it? Because it's just kind of awkward. That's okay. But if she was like, hey, don't do all the thing that you do all the time. Because he's coming, and that's just awkward. Yeah. Maybe you get. Could a guy say to you really nicely, L.O.B., hey, babe, my ex is going to be there and just I don't want to hurt her feelings and rub it in. So can we not? It would depend on the situation because I got into a relationship in college where like the girl, I kind of started to see somebody and I didn't know it at the time. Like he invited me to come to a party. I didn't know at the time she showed up and was crying and drunk and like trying to get to talk to him. And he kept trying to get her to like leave.

2:03:29So I could see in that situation I kind of felt for her. So if we had gone somewhere after that where he was like, hey, that girl's going to be here again. You know how she gets. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can, you know. Yeah. We'll keep it kind of cool. What if you hadn't met her? Yeah, you needed that first instance. I needed to see that she was a mess, you know. What if you hadn't met her? He's real nice about it. Can you imagine? Are you kidding? I don't know. She would slit his throat. She would look at you. Well, if you put it in a way that's like she's kind of like. you know, she's a mess about it, blah, blah, blah, then I guess I'd kind of get it. She'd give me the look that she gives after I fart in here. Just the cutting, like. Yeah, that look, like. Like you're a dead man. Yeah. You really said that. Did you really just ask that I not touch you? I would need explanation. Because your ex-girlfriend is going to be there? I would need explanation. What if it was this? What if the explanation is she's, I feel so bad for her, like she's depressed, I think, and I just, if we touch, I just think it might really bum her out. So are you still talking to her? That's why you know she's depressed? No, but I know that she's depressed. Holy cow, she's gnarly. It's like, you know, the Rockford files. Instantly I was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. You're like, I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything, I didn't do anything. L.O.B. is a smooth customer, man. Wow. It must be hard to date L.O.B. 100%. You think? Yeah, you come in from the beach. Why was there sand on your feet? I was surfing. Hmm, what break?

2:04:55It was a Tamarack. Why were you there? You never surfed there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That sounds like everyone. No, no, no. She wouldn't do it like that. That sounds like everyone. She'd go, really? You never surfed there. Yeah, really? You don't ever surf there. You cannot get anything past me. I'll give you that much. There's no question. You can't get anything past me. No. You can't tell her anything in passing. It's going to come up on the air. I have a... Scent like a bloodhound, too. Be careful, boys. I can tell what you had for breakfast if it's 9 o'clock at night. Yeah. He's like, I hugged this girl that's going away. She's moving. She's moving. She's moving to Spain. She's moving to Spain. Did you hug her breasts? No, I hugged her. Why do you reek of perfume? Because she wears a lot of perfume. By God. You'd be in trouble with Woods because Woods hugs everybody. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm a hugger. Oh, my God. That would be. Let me just say this. Woods and Lauren would be the worst couple. Probably ever. Ever. Like Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson? Forget it. Robin Gibbons and Mike Tyson? Forget it. Woods and L.O.B. would be the absolute most toxic couple of all time. We'd probably be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith where they try to kill each other. We'd probably do that. 570-1949. M1 Kevin from PB.

2:06:14With M1 hands off, I mean, not for nothing, what if the guy's kind of a little bit of like a PDF kind of guy? PDA. PDA, yeah, yeah. What if he's an Adobe Reader file? Yeah, he's an Adobe Reader file. What if he uses Microsoft Word? Yeah. No, PDA, public display of affection. Are you saying what if he's not really a public display of affection kind of guy? I think he's saying what if he is. What if he is? What if he is? And she's just making up an excuse saying, like, oh, my ex is going to be there. So maybe the time I told you, there's a guy hanging all over me. Very interesting. Because she doesn't like it? Because she doesn't like PDA? Yeah, and he's always hanging on her, and it's just like he's a kind of clingy guy, and it's a way to get a little bit of space. Like, oh, my ex, you know, Jeff's going to be there, so maybe we don't hug up all on the other one. I love it. Very interesting. My favorite part of that call is when he said not for nothing, which is the greatest. I love it. East Coast, pal. Thank you. I think that's a good point. I think he makes a valid point. Men and women both have been known to, Say or do things to get you to do something, you know. I am not PDA guy, man. I am. You are? Oh, yeah. I told you. I'm a butt grabber. I'm a boob grabber. The whole bit. I do not. I am not. It skeeves me. There's a difference between PDA and grabby guy. I'm both. Like, I was playing ball. Jamie came to my game. And before the game, I'd give her a big smooch.

2:07:34Yeah, I don't mind the hands. The kissing is when the hands start going all over the place. Oh, I'm the other way. See, I do it as a joke, though. Like, we'll be in public, and I'll smack her in the butt as a joke, or I'll reach over and go, boop. Yeah, I like the subtle sneaky peek grabs. It's when kissing and sentimental starts. Yeah, we don't make out. Doesn't it make you uncomfortable when your friends kiss in front of you? Yes. Yes, like when they deep kiss. It's creepy. Who does that? Oh, you haven't seen that before? Oh, man. No. You guys don't go to many swingers parties. Because it's really weird. Put your keys in the basket. I was at a key party this weekend, and it was just running rampant. No wonder you're sick. Yeah, exactly. Dirty keys. Yeah. Yeah, when I'm with, when I had to teach Rebecca how to hold my hand. Oh, God. She's listening right now going, oh, boy, with this. She's like, you're just lucky you found anybody to hold your hand. It's true. It's true. But when we would hold hands, first of all, it was always like this.

2:08:37Interlocked fingers? Well, it was interlocked, but she did it one over. She did it one over. And I was like, babe. And I would always readjust the handhold. And then she did this other thing with her thumb where she would rub like this. And my knuckle, it would grind into my knuckle. So I was finally like, babe, please. So now she holds my hand and she cups her thumb like she had her thumb cut off. And I know it's a sign of protest. Like, okay, fine. I'll hold your hand like Lobster Boy to show you that the only way to hold your weird hand... is to do it in a really awkward way. Sometimes the rub rubs me the wrong way. Yeah, you can definitely rub somebody too much. It has to be a big sweeping rub. You can't just do the same pattern again and again. Yeah, just back and forth. I was getting Jamie's arm last night, and she's like, ow! I was like, oh, my bad, my bad. You forget what you're doing. Kim will do this thing when she's sleeping, and her thumb, because she puts her hand on my back, she'll just move her thumb, and I'm just like... She wears a hole in your back. Do your wives do like the...

2:09:45on the back of the neck, like the thing on the back of the neck. I do too, but if I'm not expecting it, I'm like... I'm not that jumpy. I like when the back scratch. My wife's the world's best back scratcher. I love the back scratch. She covers every millimeter of your back. It's the raddest. She sure does. Really? It's like a throat. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do some woods of wisdom when we come back. Oh, and... They may reopen the beach after somebody was killed by a great white. And we will tell you where. Just a couple of minutes, we're going to be talking to Mateo Marquez, who Woods used to work with. Work for. Used to work for. Yeah. And Guy's written a book and is touring all across the country, promoting the book. And he's going to be in studio with us in just a couple of minutes.

2:11:36It's one of the craziest stories, man. It's a small world. He really does have a very interesting story, and we're going to tell you all about him and the book and what he's doing in just a minute. I want to let you know that FM 94.9's 8th Anniversary Bash is happening on the 13th, Saturday the 13th, and tickets are available at FM94.9SD.com. It's going to be at 4th and B. A lot of really good bands are playing. And you're going to want to see it. You're going to want to get tickets now. Hold Steady, The Night Marchers, New Politics, Company of Thieves. And I'm going to sing a song with the band. And L.O.B. and Sienna are going to back me up. And Jay. And Jay. And Jay singing too. And it's going to be a good time. So get the tickets now before they sell out. So apparently. Where? Santa Barbara? Santa Barbara. Vandenberg Air Force Base. Yeah. And there was a kid. He's 19 years old. Such a sad story. His name is Lucas Ransom. Went bodyboarding with a friend and disappeared under the water of Surf Beach and emerged in a pool of blood with his leg badly mauled. He died. Died shortly after. He's dead. Passed away. The worst part. I read the article. The worst part to me was that.

2:13:03The last thing he said to his friend was, dude, help me. Yeah. His friend was getting, it was like really rough surf and he just couldn't, you know, he just couldn't get up like past the break to help him. Said eight to 10 foot waves that day. He called his mom that morning and said, hey, the waves are killer. I'm going to go out for a little while and love you. Love you too. Went out and they said that his buddy that was there said the wave turned red. When it broke, red. It skeeved me out to no end. He did pull him in, but it was too late at that point. And it was just quick. He said it was so stealth and just out of nowhere, just bam. I mean, I just got into the water nine, ten months ago. I try not to think about it when I'm out there because my rationale is, hey, this is their house. This is where they live, and I just want to come out and do my thing, and I don't want to disrupt anything. That's my rationale. But every time I'm out there, I'm like, oh, God. That guy, it got him because it thought he was food. Right. Sure. Say it's a one in three million chance of getting bit by a shark. See, I don't buy that. I don't buy it either. Because they don't happen that often. I know, but I don't buy that. I mean, we know of, you know, a couple of years ago, a couple of years ago, a guy died. Here? Yeah. Yeah. But that was years go by. There was another great light up in San Onofre this year.

2:14:24Now, I don't think he attacked anybody, but he was there. Big one. This one was an 18-footer. Yeah, he didn't attack anybody. This one was an 18-footer. I'm 6'1", so about three of me. That's insane. Splayed out. It's a long fish. Yes, it is. Yeah. That's pretty terrifying. I mean, notice he took his leg and then was like, oops, that's not what I wanted. Oh, my God. It's purely accidental. I'm not trivializing that guy's death, but I'm just saying. Accidental, but it's still scary. I've always heard they hit, and then they swim away and kind of watch and see what happens. That's perfect. I don't want to get hit. I just don't want to get hit. I love the water and the ocean so much. I respect you. I will never hurt you. Maybe I'll watch Food Network. Yep. You got a question for Woodsy and Woods of Wisdom, call us right now, 570-1949. And he'll answer a question that has to do with dating or fashion or whatever. Maybe work. Work related. Sure. All right, Woods, we got somebody on the line that wants to ask you a question that we're going to get to here in a second. Okay.

2:15:43First question for you by email is, Woods, I'm thinking about moving to Denver for a girl. Have you ever done that? Bad idea, good idea, M1 Steve? I think I've moved away because of a girl, which was a good idea. But I have never moved somewhere for someone. And I know people that have. And you're really throwing all your eggs in one basket, man, because you then immediately become, they are there for something, whether it be school, a job. You've now put your life on hold to be there for them. And if you do, I'm telling you, if you do, because true love always wins out, if you do, you make sure that she is 1,000% on board. Because if not, then you're the clingy boyfriend that moved across the country for her. And while she's trying to get her career or her schooling done, and then you're, when are you coming home? What do you want me to make for dinner? Then you're that guy, and you don't want to be that guy. Or you can get married. And you can take her out of the picture and say, without her there, would I see myself in this city? Is there going to be something for me to do there? In addition to making sure that she's on the same page as you. Right. And because, I mean, Denver's a nice place. I mean, Denver, you'd probably be okay either way, even if it doesn't work out. But, you know, what if it's somewhere else?

2:17:02Well, Rebecca's friend just moved to Indianapolis for her husband now. Yeah, they're married. They're married. But, I mean, you leave San Diego for Indianapolis, I mean, it's a tough deal. If you're married, you have to. You know what I mean? Them's the rules. Woods, I have a question for a guy. I went out with a guy that I really liked. Is this a guy writing? This is a girl writing. I have a question for a guy. I went out with a guy that I really liked, and he leaned in for the kiss, and I backed away because he had a cold. Am I overreacting? I feel like a psycho M1 pandy. No, not at all, because I'm sitting here on the verge of a brutal chest cold. Guy probably thinks that she don't like him. She should have said something. She should have said something. Listen, I would totally make out with you right now, but you've got a cold, and my wife won't kiss me for a week. She should tell him now. Tell them now. Yeah, for sure. Be like, by the way, I've been thinking about it. You grossed me out that night. No, I hope you didn't think I was backing away because I wasn't interested. I'm just kind of neurotic about the cold thing. Yeah, and that's, you know, it's not even neurotic. That's just, I don't want to get sick. I don't want to get sick. Maybe we just fool around. Yeah. M1 Cone from San Diego. Yeah, no kissing. We just neck. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What's up, man? Hey, so I'll try to.

2:18:20Keep it short so you guys can actually get on to it. But basically, I've been dating this girl for just a little over a month, fell insanely madly in love with her. She's been going through really traumatic stuff in her life. Her mom had a brain aneurysm. Her car broke down, et cetera, et cetera. I got a loan to help her pay for her car. So that was pretty huge. But the big thing is that she had been with her fiancé for like over two years, and she left him because he lied to her just about a bunch of stupid stuff, like stuff that didn't even matter. And unfortunately, she was going with her mom. How long ago? Probably about eight, nine months ago. Okay, so she's single for about seven months. She meets you. You guys have been together a month. Yeah. Gotcha. And completely madly fell in love, you know, especially because I was helping her with everything. But then just a few days ago. How long were they together, by the way? Two years. Two years. Got it. And then just a few days ago, I had called her best friend to talk to her about me and the girl.

2:19:25It was Candy Candy and just to try to get some, you know, wisdom because it was her friend. I figured who better to talk to. Unfortunately, Candy asked me, like, hey, have you talked to my friend, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, well, we talked on, which we didn't. We talked on the phone. And then her friend, like, you know, and then I also asked her friend to, hey, like, don't tell her that we talked just because, you know, I just want to keep it between us. Question, question. Wait, wait, wait. How come you said Facebook if you talked on the phone? He felt weird. Because, yeah, weird. And we had already previously talked on Facebook. That's the gift ideas for our one-month anniversary. But the Facebook thing, her friend, like, went all weird and didn't talk to her for a few days and then said, hey, I need to talk to you about something. And it ended up being about me that I had talked to her and asked her not to tell her. Right. And so now, you know, my girlfriend or now, at least at the moment, ex, you know, completely flipped out and said, you lied to me, you lied to me.

2:20:37Yeah, I did, but, like, you know, I know I lied. And that's, like, the worst thing in the world, especially because that's what she left her fiancé for. And I don't know what to do. I mean, I love the girl. So it's done. She broke it off because you lied to her. And, yeah, man, I mean, you know, you can't take back what you did, but you shouldn't have lied to her. You should have told her. Yeah, well, and she, you know, she's agreed to see me because she lives up in Anaheim. I'm in San Diego. So she at least agreed to see me. You know, say some stuff in person, but that's about it. You going to get that $3,500 back? Who knows? Probably not. Dude, that's a ton of dough, man. After a month, I wouldn't want to give some broad $3,500. Here's my question. Here's my question. Sure. So what did you learn? Do you ever trust a girl? You have a fat loan for somebody who... Okay. That's one. I mean, that's one part. Dig deeper. That's fair. Is that it? Yeah, no. Obviously, obviously the biggest and most important thing, which I'm not kidding you guys.

2:21:40I've never done to a girl in my entire life is a lie. I've never done it. That was a lie, by the way. Yeah. Because... I'm sorry. Sorry, but that was a lie. Yes, you have. Yes, you have. We all... Let's say for argument's sake he has not. Then why did you pick the one girl who's got issues with a liar to lie to? Right. I don't... I freaked out. Yeah. I'm nervous. Here's the thing that I thought you might have learned, too. Okay. And that is... that it's really not necessary to go to the friend. And you shouldn't. You shouldn't. You shouldn't go to the friend. He was trying to get advice. I know he was. I know he was. We had this huge honesty talk. Oh, about the gift? The day after I talked to her friend, we had this huge honesty talk and hashed out a bunch of stuff because I had some issues with her ex. And we hashed out everything. I told her everything that I felt. She told me everything. She felt like totally got us on board with each other. And I meant to tell her about the thing with her friend. And so I tracked on so much stuff for like four hours that I just completely forgot about it. And, of course, now it's too convenient for me to say, hey, I just forgot. Yeah, you're pretty much up the creek in this part, man. But, you know, the only thing that can help is you need to cut. You know, you've obviously come clean already. But if you want her back, man. He's lying to us. I don't know if he is. He's lying to us. I don't know. Can I tell you why? Why? I think I just caught him in one. What? Because you said that you told the friend not to tell her.

2:23:10Yeah. And then you said that you forgot to tell her. I was going to come clean to her and say, like, hey, I talked to your friend. He wanted her to hear it from him, not her. That makes sense. It does now. That makes sense. What does Candy look like? Oh, boy. But the deal... I really wanted to come clean, you know, and it was eating me up inside. But the deal also, dude, where you ran, you know, astray is... It really betrays what you have with that girl when you go to her friends. Like, I'm a married man. Mike's a married man. I don't want my wife calling my friends about me. That's our stuff. Anytime you say, guys or girls, you say to someone, don't tell them that I came to you. The first thing they're going to do is... Yeah. I mean, unless it's a, you know, I reached out to Jamie's friends when I threw Jamie a surprise party. Yeah. That's the only time I've reached out to Jamie's friends. You know what I mean? Or getting a ring or something like that. That's a different, if it's about gifts, have a ball. But if it's, if it's, Hey, so really what's going to, what's going to really seal the deal? You know, like that kind of stuff is, you know, that stuff you can't do, but yeah. Lesson learned, man. You gotta, you gotta try to come clean with that stuff. That's mine. All right, bro. All right. Thanks.

2:24:24Thanks. That's tough. He's paddling uphill, though, trying to get her back. He is depressed. You've said before a trust is a bank account. He made a real big withdrawal real early on, so he's got to put some coin back in that account. More deposits in there, LLB. Take out another loan. I'm generally of the opinion that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over one. I'm generally of that opinion. Two weeks. He means the old one. Yeah. Oh. So she needed more time to get over her. I'm generally of that opinion. If you're in a relationship for a year, in general, I think it takes about six months to get over. Girls or guys? Both. Both. If you're in a relationship, if you're in love. Oh, okay. If you're in love with them and you were together for three years, in general, about a year and a half. Fair enough. She was with them for two years. In general, I say about a year. Hey, she was over the guy in six months. Okay. They're saying it's dangerous. Yeah. Let's see. Let's talk to Mateo. Mateo, how you doing? Welcome to the studio. I need you to pull that microphone really close. About a karate chop away. Karate chop away. There you go. You got to be that close to that thing. I'm not used to needing much help from microphones, as Steve will tell you. Mr. Woods will tell you. That is true. Used to rock the mic, man. Real good. The guy taught me everything I know. Woods and Mateo.

2:25:47worked together back in Dallas, and Matteo was your boss, right? Yeah, Matteo, I was a sales guy at Reach Local. I started there in sales, and after about six months, I realized, man, I don't think I want to do this anymore. My numbers were garbage, and Matteo and I, when I interviewed with him... It's an internet marketing company. Yeah, we hit it off. You know, we became friends, and I found myself... Kind of hanging out with his crew more than I should have, you know, been on the phone or going out and doing calls because I felt more comfortable with those guys. So Mateo came to me and he goes, why don't you come recruit for me? And I was like, I don't know, dude. I've never really recruited. Guy whipped me into a beast. A beast. But what he's leaving out is the part that I caught him putting his resume together after I got him in the job in the first place. I said, Steve, get back here. We need to have a chat. When I was in sales, he walked by at lunch. I was in sales. I was like, I got to get out of here. He walks in. He goes, what are you doing? I'm like, what, what? What were you doing? Putting my resume together. Sending it out. I wanted out. I wanted out to reach local. This is before I went to recruiting. Got it. That's when he brought me back to the recruiting war. So, Mateo's thing is that he was responsible for hiring the entire sales force that they had there. He managed the team. He was a big stockholder in the company. And got married, right?

2:27:07I had been married pretty much right out of college, which, you know, as I write in the book, the whole institution of marriage and divorce has evolved so much in America. But, you know, kind of felt like I think the thing to do as much as anything else sometimes. So had been married and really had essentially built this Rome that kind of like a lot of us men, I think we define ourselves through our profession after the world of sort of sports or recognition dies, you know, to a point when we when we graduate college or graduate into big boy and girl world. And our new playing field, I think, for men becomes this world of athletics that's the business athletics. And I became really a caricature of myself. I think like most men or a lot of men, we become a product of our success. And we forget the very things that we crave that success for in the first place. And I really got away from my...

2:28:09passions, values and goals and really, you know, transparency as a person to myself first and to the people I was accountable to. And it really cost me everything. So what happened? You know, in the span of about three weeks, a little over a couple of years ago, I essentially lost. You know, almost in order, like a chain reaction, my wife, my house, my job, my dogs, my child, metaphorically, because I wasn't able to see her for a while during all this. A pile of money, a lot of family, a lot of friends, and a huge chunk of my soul. In three weeks? Almost literally in the span of about three weeks. Now, granted, some of these had been in a gradual state of erosion and decay for, in some instances, 30 years, and in some instances, months or weeks. But the sort of meltdown all pretty much hit within a couple weeks span. All this boom, boom, boom. Do you remember what day of the week it was? You know, it's funny. It all culminated when I...

2:29:12when I sat down and actually sort of, you know. bid farewell to my professional situation at the time was actually Cinco de Mayo. And it kind of ruined, you know, this great Latin holiday for Mateo Marquez. It kind of ruined Cinco de Mayo for me for a little bit. But I really celebrated Cinco de Mayo this year because the book is based essentially on my month of April of 2010. That was really a month of resurrection and rebirth and epiphany for me. And so I sort of celebrated this Cinco de Mayo with a little more vigor. than I have ever had before because it sort of culminated a complete circle from a real dark period to Cinco de Mayo's prior to a real positive sort of rebirthing this year. So it was really exciting. Okay, so when this happened, you were how old?

2:30:01You know, it was I was served. Steve will love this because, you know, I know Steve and Jamie and I've seen them. And during the course of their relationship, Steve sometimes would be hollering from his office. Jamie, you know, just I'd be like, man, he's really mad at that that candidate or client of ours. But he's like, no, I was just talking to Jamie. But but. My ex-wife actually served me divorce papers on the morning of my 30th birthday. Okay, so you were 30. I was 30, and you get so excited when the doorbell rings. You're like a little kid on your birthday. Oh, it's my first gift, and it was so funny. It was a dude in a tie from something, something, and something or other, and handed me divorce papers. Now, you guys were living together or not living together? We had been separated then probably for a month or so, and some things had just kind of happened where it was just kind of that was her. nail in the coffin. So it's Cinca de Mayo morning, doorbell rings. No, my birthday morning. Your birthday morning. April 20th, yeah. April 20th, doorbell rings, you get that. Is this how your day starts? That's how my 30th birthday started, yes. And then what happened?

2:31:03Then, you know. In the sequence of events, what was the next big one? You know, then sort of, you know, realizing the realities that, hey, you know, I'm really on a path of divorce, you know, and my marriage is essentially ending here. And my daughter at the time was only six months old. And so just as. You know, just as we're starting to potentially begin a family, it was sort of ending. You know, so a lot of, oh, and then, oh, by the way, you know, my job situation ended abruptly. And Steve, you know, had to live through that with me and really supported me through that. And then, you know, family, some literally you lose through this process, some figuratively. You know, a huge pile of money that you lose, you lose at least half your assets when you go through a divorce settlement. And then I've kind of slowly bled out. this pink and purple explosion that you see outside your studio he's got it he's driving around in a big truck trailer behind it and it's

2:32:00You know, pink and purple. Yeah, it looked like Cousin Eddie's RV parked outside of my house all weekend. There's an RV, Clark. That's right. But, you know, that's filled with 5,000 copies of my book, and we've traveled now. Chris over here, my head of marketing, and Jonathan, my business manager, we've traveled seven states now, and we've given away 3,000 books, and these aren't books that... But let me, before we get to the books, I want to kind of get to this three weeks. This three weeks consists of getting served... Losing family members. Losing your job. Getting terminated. Losing my job. Losing a... A lot of money because you're getting divorced. And did we miss anything? Is there anything in there that we missed? You know, I lost my dogs. You know, Steve's got this legion of dogs. Like, you open the door at Steve's house, and it's like, I feel like there's an assembly line back there, like, spinning out these little terrier dogs. So, you know, I lost my two dogs. I had to find a new place for them because I was trying to, you know, I was going to have no house for them to be in anymore. And, you know, you lose, you know, your in-law side of the family and all those friends that are.

2:33:02You're sort of married friends. You lose so many people. And I was, you know, I... I mean, this was Tiger Woods style, man. I nuked this thing to the ground. It was. And Mateo was... Tiger Woods style, meaning that you had cheated? You know, I had always been, I think my life, I call it an imposter life in the book. And I think like Tiger Woods, you know, I just was living a life of lies and we're getting paid so much. We're getting slapped on the back so much. We're getting, you know, we're believing our headlines so much that we really get away from what's... what is really a life of fulfillment. And for me, it was very similar to Tiger Woods. It was compulsive, impulsive behaviors, a lot of inappropriate behavior around women, which for a lot of men is a vice that we all struggle with. I think one of the cool ironies and one of the cool redemptive qualities of this book is for sort of a career womanizer, L.O.B., I'm sure you've got a lot of people in your life like this that are struggling sometimes to be appropriate in their relationships with women. It's five women that helped save my life. My daughter, my mom, my sister, my ex-wife, and a very close friend of mine that actually became, I think, the first woman I've ever truly been friends with that didn't involve intercourse and wasn't someone that was related to me. Honestly. When I tell you, you know, Mateo, to me, Jamie can attest, my career was in the toilet. Literally the toilet. And this guy pulled me up.

2:34:30out of that toilet, rinsed me off, taught me everything, you know, not everything he knows, but enough to become just the train killer that I became. When I would come home to Jamie, I was happy again. And when he left, something left with me, and I would talk to Mateo and deep end. Full beard, you know, no shoes, no shirt, playing golf. Tom Hanks in Castaway talking to a golf ball with a Wilson face painted on it instead of the volleyball. I mean, just drunk every day, like full on out of his mind. So you have to. You went into spin out mode. Well, you have to. So the book is called The Phoenix of Hotel Fred's. And Mikey, I know you've lived and had to torch an imposter life, if you will, to the ground in your own way. Just like Steve has had to do it maybe professionally or. personally. We all sort of

2:35:18burn our life to the ground. If we're really honest with ourselves, we have to go through this process where we look at what are my passions? What are my values? What are my goals? PVGs, little acronyms, easy to remember. All those bits I used to get from him, the PVGs. But when we get away from what are we truly passionate about? What do we truly value? And what are really our goals? When we get away from that and when we start making decisions from our brain or our gut and not our heart, that's when things come off the tracks. And yeah, I nuked the thing to the ground. But what's exciting is through this process of a dying a metaphorical death that I believe we all have to go through to truly live I feel born again, and it's really cool. The story takes place through Easter and through the Masters when I write about watching Tiger going through this process. And he finished third or fourth, and Lefty, a San Diego boy who I love, ended up coming out and winning it. But Tiger was the biggest winner that weekend. He was having fun again. He was smiling. He was slapping five. He was interacting with the fans. These were not things that defined Tiger Woods throughout his career. But it's because this immense burden, I think, was lifted.

2:36:25So your book, The Phoenix of Hotel Fred, is about your fall from grace and then how you got it back. Getting it back. And that's one of the cool points of the story is it's always a process. I'm always telling the guys, hey, we're in Scottsdale. We're in Vegas the other night. We can't be smashing bottles over our head and being inappropriate and trashing the hotel if we're going to really stand up on this platform of living a life that creates value for others, that's relevant to others, and that is positive to others. We've got to walk the walk in what we're doing. So we're going around the country and we're handing this book out. and we're handing a personalized situation to them, and I'm sitting and talking to them a little bit about it. Now, I know this may seem like a strange question. I have no voice. I've talked to 3,000 people in seven states. This may seem like a strange question, but why? You know, I am that adamant and that convicted that this story is a message that not only— there's no such thing as original thought, Mikey.

2:37:29I'm not writing anything that my mentors, you know, Tony Robbins, Oprah, Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Joel Osteen, the Mayans. I mean, these are what I call life-governing principles that have been talked about since the dawn of man. By the way, anybody that knows me knows that we have very different mentors. Yes. But that's okay. I'm just talking about them in a way that is relevant, value-creating, and positive to 2010. So I'm talking about Facebook in here. I'm talking about texting. I'm talking about iPhones. I'm talking about... laptops, I'm talking about Skype, I'm talking about things that are relevant and pertinent to this sort of digital world we're in now. Now you take this on the road, you hand these books out, now can people, where can people... Get it. So the only way to get it, because what's really cool is we're self-publishing this thing. A lot of what I go and teach to businesses is how to kind of de-third party your business and how to embrace particularly digital technology that is largely free and readily accessible to advance the ball in both your personal and professional life and to embrace those what I call value creating partners in your life that are just a lot more obvious and easy to find now because of the internet and because of these resources. So you can buy the...

2:38:42a paperback, hardback e-book at www.thephoenixofhotelfreds.com. But I really would be more excited so you can see some of this great content we're capturing on this sort of Merry Pranksters with a Facebook account sort of adventure that we're on throughout the United States and see some of the wonderful videos Chris has put together. Please put in Mateo Marquez, M-A-T-E-O-M-A-R-Q-U-E-Z on Facebook. Like our page just like we've liked your page and we're up in there all the time. And I know we actually have a lot of people that Steve has helped migrate towards our page already. We've got some great, great fans from The Mikey Show already on. Absolutely. And I've... It's funny to see some of our M1s writing him questions on his Facebook page two months ago. I love the M1s. I love San Diego, and I love the M1s. I love Woodsy, and I love you. That's great. It's all love, baby. Thank you, Mateo. That's an interesting story, man. It really is. It's a good read, too. I invite people to check out the book. It's a good read. Don't Go Away. I don't know if you heard this thing about Randy Quaid, but you talk about going off the deep end. It looks like him and his wife have officially lost their minds.

2:39:56Been detained in Canada. He's grown this big, giant beard. Tell you all about it when we come back. It's Mikey's show. Hang on. Well, I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head. That didn't hurt. And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad. So I had one more for dessert. Then I fumbled. Johnny Cash. It's one of my favorite songs. You've never heard it, but I like it. Found My Cleanest Dirty Shirt. It's so good. Sunday Morning Coming Down. It's good. It's one of my mom's favorites. For all of you that wanted to know. The Randy Quaid thing? Oh, my gosh. He was on The Run, right? Yes, yeah. Okay, so he's married to a woman named Evie. So it's Randy and Evie Quaid, and they are facing burglary charges in Santa Barbara, California.

2:41:09They had been squatting in their own home that was foreclosed. And so now they are requesting asylum from, quote, Hollywood star whackers. And he says this. Hollywood is murdering its movie stars for ad sales. We want asylum from the murderous people in Hollywood, accountants and lawyers, embezzlers. Heath Ledger was murdered. Yes. The judge then asked them, do you guys have drug and alcohol problems? And they said no. He looks like he's on meth, and the mug shot that was not bad. They're all scabby. He's got scabs all over him. Yeah, but isn't he big and giant? Yeah. Losing some weight. They look cracked out. He had little things all over his face. She's smiling in her mug shot. He looks like it's the creepiest picture. It's Cousin Eddie, dude. Who's Cousin Eddie? Vacation. Oh, come on. You never saw the Vacation? Griswolds? You've never watched Christmas Vacation? Of course I have. So when I made that RV, you had no idea what I was talking about. I did. You've never seen Christmas Vacation? You would like, this is one you would actually like. You would love it.

2:42:24It's hilarious. I don't know that you and me can be friends anymore. I really don't. I haven't seen a lot of movies. This one withstands the test of time. It's one of my favorite movies ever. Lauren, it's one of everybody's favorite movies of all time. Christmas Vacation? Oh, yes. Christmas Vacation specifically. Maybe turn off Man Gone Wild. Yeah. Maybe watch a film. Well, I've never seen Man Gone Wild. Whatever, dude. I'm just being honest. I've never seen Man vs. Wild. Maybe turn off Girls Gone Wild. This is mine gone wild. I'm losing my freaking mind. I'm losing my mind. I've taken off my shirt. And I'm just running around doing weird things. Here's the latest from Urban Survivor. I'm Mikey Grylls. I've never been a member of the British Special Forces. I barely got out of high school with a GED. And I've got no experience except for telling jokes in the radio. I will try to survive in urban situations using nothing but the company's credit card. A car.

2:43:24A nice one at that, my wallet, and whatever things I can find on the internet. You're listening to Urban Survival. Part of my job as the urban survivor is traveling. It's probably the most challenging part of what I do. One time I took a flight to Las Vegas that took one hour. I think the captain is saying something. I wish he was louder. I was locked in a... cylindrical tube for the entire time I flew. The smells, the sounds, they're enough to make a grown man lose his mind. So here I sit on a plane made by a company called Delta. There's a waitress walking by. Hello, miss. Hello. What can I do for you, sir? I would like to make an order, please. I'm ready. An order? Yes, I would like the... I haven't looked at the menu, but I'd like... There's not a menu. I don't need one. I'll just go by rote memory. I'll take mutton. A what memory? Rote memory. We don't have mutton on the plane. All right, then just lamb. Your choice is you can get a ham sandwich, you can get a turkey sandwich, you can have some chips, peanuts. I'll take the lamb sandwich. Don't have lamb sandwich. You said for lamb sandwich. You're fighting with me. This is the kind of thing that you may deal with while flying on an airline.

2:44:53If this ever happens to you, try calming her like this. What's your freaking problem? Sir, do I need to get... What? Do you need to get Randy? Is that it? Would you like me to get the head flight attendant? Yes, I'd like you to get the head flight attendant. Oh, dear. The air marshal has been cold. Quickly, I've got to find something to eat. She's not going to be able to get me my mutton or my lamb sandwich. What is this? I'm rummaging through some young 12-year-old's bag. Justin Bieber, a comb, a pineapple topper. What's this? It's a green box, and it says Irish Spring. It seems to be some sort of Irish food. By the name, I assume that it's both food and water. Really? Oh, no. Hmm. This is what you're not supposed to do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I need...

2:46:05I need to run to the tiny laboratory. Oh, poops. My tip of the day, if you need to go to the bathroom, it's best to discern if it will be a number one or two before you enter the laboratory. Until next time, I'm the Urban Survivor. My favorite part of that is when L.O.B. goes. We don't have lamb. We don't have lamb. My favorite part is when the urban survivor says a pint of Old Harper. It's a teenager's bag. It kills me. Oh, that is funny. All right, then. Hi, Hillary. Hi, guys. How are you doing? Have you really never seen vacation? Christmas? Can you believe it? Like today, as soon as you get home. I've seen vacation. Brilliant. But not Christmas. Cousin Eddie. Same guy. See, I feel like this is one of those movies that won't play well today. It will. But it lives in your hearts. No. It lives in your hearts. You'll die. I watch it every year. Every Christmas. Yes, every year. Every Christmas. Everybody, every Christmas watches it. Every Christmas. I'll like it. You will love it. You'll love it. It's clean. It's good. It's funny. It's not. I know. Oh, gosh. You mean clean like Crazy Heart? Like, would I love that? It doesn't have to be.

2:47:24You know, PG. It's not like cheap laughs. It's well thought out, clever little laughs. Bro, it's classic. And it's just Chevy Chase and you can relate to it. I mean, putting up the lights. The whole thing. Squirrel. Squirrel. Where's Eddie? He usually eats these things. I know every line of the movie. Me too. My mom will watch that movie 50 times a day if you let her. All right. I'll watch it. I'm going to wait until it's closer to Christmas. Yeah, that's good. We should do a screening. Yeah. We'll do that. I'm in on that. All the way. Don't forget, Euda Manicure is going on. And if you want to be with me and Jay and Woods, Woods has never had a massage. Nope. He's going to get a massage on Friday. Afraid of my piece moving. That's why I don't do it. Don't have to worry. You'll be fine. I'm afraid mine won't. You are getting up there, Nate. Yeah. 570-1949 is our number. And if you want to be a part of this, go to MikeyShow.com. And there's a little thing there that says you to manicure. Click on that. You need to write us a poem. A little short poem telling us why you should come along. And this is what it will include. You're going to get to go with us and get a straight razor shave from Two Roses Barbershop in Logan Heights. And then we're going to go get a massage, pedicure, and facial. Love it.

2:48:48From Urban Skincare and Bee Beauty Boutique. Urban. Urban Skincare. Urban. Skincare. And we're taking a stretch Hummer from Rockstar Limos. Hello, Miss Lady. Rockstarlimosd.com. Girls night out. Girls night out. Couple gals out on the town. Earlier I was like, it sounds like a bachelorette party. It does. What do you got coming up, Hill? I grabbed the new Arcade Fire, the new one from Florence and the Machines. Yes, I love that song. Yeah, Strokes U2. Good stuff for a Monday. There you go. All right, the lovely and talented Hillary's up next, and we'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. Mikey Show's out. Late?