The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/27/10

0:55Good morning. Hi, how are you? It's the Mikey Show. Broadcasting live from Mission Valley, California. Broadcasting live from the thriving metropolis of Mission Valley, California. Mission Valley. That's right. We're on the seventh floor of the Booz Allen Hamilton building. And we invite you, the listening audience, to call us now. If you are part of M1 Nation. It means you are a part of this family called The Mikey Show, this new reincarnation, what I like to call the real version of The Mikey Show. You can reach us at 570-1949. And you can also reach us by text, 949mikey at gmail.com. That's how you do. And we'd love to talk to you. It's open phones, which means anything you want, cowboy. You know what I'm saying? You can call about anything you want.

1:58Open forum. You can ask questions. You can make comments. You can do whatever you want. It's an open phone thing. We do it at the beginning of the show, the end of the show, and it's whatever you want. Five members of the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 40 years old. I probably changed three times today. What? Couldn't figure it out. Just couldn't figure it out, and I just had to keep going back in there. You went with that. Yeah, I was kind of embarrassed, you know, going back in there the third time. I thought, really? What is this about? You're allowed to have those days. Yeah. Was it appearance or comfort? Comfort, appearance, the whole thing. I haven't had one of those days since I started working here. I just put on whatever's there. Yeah, I'm kind of like that. You know? Yeah. It's great. Woods is our sports guy. He is 35 years old, and he's got all kinds of things to tell you about in sports today. This is kind of a... Big sports day. There was some stuff happening. Yep. And stuff about to happen. LOB, Lauren O'Brien, is our assistant producer. And she often itches. She does. Yep. I'm getting better. It's getting better. Sienna is our news girl. And she is back from maternity leave. Yes, I am. And with us. And I love it. And, you know, occasionally.

3:24We will lose her for small periods of time during the show if she has to pump. Yes. This is true. She's okay. That's right. She's okay. It's got to be done. Yeah, it's got to be done. Jay is our producer, 47 years old, in another room, separated by glass, and he's to our left. And pantsless, more than likely. Bailey. And our phone screener is Chris. Scraw! Scraw! So if you call, you will talk to him. M1 Hawk is Woods' dad, and he's on the line right now from Dallas. Hi.

4:28You know you really made it when all the drinks spit from his co-workers. Yes, exactly. You're a proud Popeye, Ben. Yeah, I bet he almost fell over his chair. All the hard work and all the schooling, you know, college, English degree. But at least we know that you can drink spit from everybody. Yes. That's what happens when Lauren drinks out of your dip cup. That's right. I got paid back. What did you think of that? Yesterday, M1 Hawk, when your son let us all put water in our mouth, spit it back into a cup, and then he downed it. What went through your mind? It was overwhelming, but I was just glad his mother wasn't listening. He's a fearless leader. Yes, he is. I can't tell you how many empty bottles of water that I've found maybe weeks later that are full of bits and stuff that are underneath a pillow on a couch. Makes your house smell really good, I bet. Sure does. Behind a chair somewhere. Drives him nuts. It's great. It drives him nuts. Well, congratulations, Stephen. I know you finally made it. I did make it. I'm at the top of the mountain. I'm a personality and spit drinker. Correct. There you go. Correct. Love you, Dad. Thank you. I'm one hot. Love you guys, too. Bye. Classic. Everywhere I went yesterday, people wanted to know about that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's all they wanted to talk about. It's great.

5:55M1 John from Lakeside. What's up? What's up, guys? What's going on? Nada. You know, it's a nice, chilly morning. I was just hoping to hear a sultry Christmas song. Oh, boy. Start my day off. That's a great idea. It feels Christmassy. What do you have in mind? I don't know. I'll let you pick it out. How about Santa Baby? How about Santa Baby? How about Lauren singing Santa Baby? Just when I thought you guys had forgotten about it. Oh, we haven't forgotten about it. I thought you moved on. We haven't forgotten about it. Thank you, John. Yeah, I can use a little taste. Oh, boy. One time, Lauren went into her bathroom with her computer and recorded right onto her computer a little song for her boyfriend at the time, Matt. She recorded a song, Santa Baby. She had to download the music, and then she had to sing with the music, and she sang Santa Baby and sent it.

6:56off and said, you know, happy, happy Christmas. So ballsy. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Now nobody had ever heard it except for her and him. They were the only two people in the world. Yes. Somehow I was really loopy and then I was just, you know, going off at the mouth and forgot that I was on the air and decided to tell everybody that that's what I did. We talked her into letting us play it. Yes. Oh gosh. From the beginning. Oh my gosh. First of all, it doesn't matter how many times we do it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's better and better each time. And then the other thing is, it doesn't matter how many times we play it, she doesn't become desensitized to it. No. I know the feeling. You look at her and you can see on her face that it's as painful the eighth time that we've played it as it was the first time that we played it. So sultry. Oh, boy.

8:06Biting the glove off. Yes. Finger by finger. Oh, yeah. Completely nude with a feather boa. Just a necktie on. Necktie on. I was thinking just three Christmas bows. Yeah. Placed appropriately. Three Christmas bows. That's enough, I think. Did you have those three guys in the bathroom with you? Yeah, right. Oh, my God. Singing back up. Yeah. Three guys just standing in the shower singing. It's gorgeous. It's the best. It's the best. It's phenomenal. Everyone's done those embarrassing things that we've done for a significant other, and you're like, why? Why? But you just happen to still have the audio. Haunting you for the rest of your life. That's right. This morning at 7.30, we are going to embark on a contest here, and we will allow people to call in and pick a horse.

9:19They can pick me or Sienna or Jay or Lauren. And what we're going to do is we're going to have a, in honor of Sienna just having a baby, we're going to have a diaper changing contest. Are we going to use baby Sage? No. No. She's at home. No. We use the other big baby on this show. Who would that be? Well, you know there was one person that I didn't mention there. Yeah. So we had our promotion director, Adam, get us some Depends. And we are going to change Woods. Woodsy baby. Woodsy baby. Just so you know, he's going to have his pants on. I'm going to be pantsless. I didn't tell you guys. I am going to be pantsless. He's going to have his pants on. And I told him, I said, listen, you have to cooperate with us. I'll cooperate. I'm all the way in. I just lay there, right? It's going to be hard getting the diaper under his butt. That's the thing. He has to cooperate. Even our kids, they know, they learn that they have to lift a little bit. Yeah, legs up. Yeah, to help us.

10:22Because with a baby, you can lift up both of their legs with one hand. Yeah, you just interlock the fingers. Try that with me. It's going to be difficult. You'll have to grab your jeans and just sort of. Try it. Am I supposed to be fussy? No. Not fussy. You've got to cooperate. You're a happy baby. Oh, so I'm a happy baby. Happy baby. Are you guys going to wipe me? No. No, we're not. Not again. That was a good question. The answer is no. Well, that's what happened the first time we talked about it. I was like, wait, so we're just going to be like wiping with this piece? No. Just who can get the diaper on the quickest. It's who can get the diaper on the quickest. Lauren. Yeah. Lauren's like, that... She goes, first of all, I think it's weird that we're going to see his penis. Yeah, and second, I don't want to clean his piece. And then I don't want to wipe. And I'm like, not for real, Lauren. Oh, okay. Okay, okay, good. Oh, my God. I figured I'll lay down on the love sack there.

11:20No. No, you need to be on a flat surface. You got to be on a flat surface. I thought we'd bring this table in from in here. Changing table? Yeah. What if it falls? That's hysterical. That would be so funny, wouldn't it? We can do it. Yeah, just right on the floor. On the ground. Okay. Oh, I'm ready. Whatever. Whatever gets you guys your jollies. Maybe we can put like a little mobile up to keep you busy. Yeah. Maybe you guys can shoot me with a BB gun while you're doing it. Yeah. I told my husband we were doing this and he was like, looked at me and he thought the same thing as Lauren. You're going to see him nude? I was like, chill out. No. I should have worn a Speedo in here to make you guys really uncomfortable. Well, I can't wait. Thank you for not. You're welcome. It's going to be great. Word of the day today is cellular. And I will say that word sometime between now and 10. And when you hear me say the word cellular, you got to be caller nine, you get a pair of tickets to the Gorillaz tomorrow night. Right? Is it tomorrow? Yes, it is. And it's at the former Cox Arena. It's now Viejas Arena for tomorrow. All right. And then also, that's not it.

12:27It's not the only thing you win. You also win a pair of tickets to FM 94.9's 8th Anniversary Bash. Solid. Yeah. What bands are there, Garrett? Hold steady. Night Marchers, Company of Thieves, New Politics. Thank you. That's our program director, Garrett. Who we were concerned wanted to kill us yesterday. Yes. Because Woods used his voice for The Incorporator, but he was fine. He liked it. I hope he loved it. It was an homage. It was an homage. To Garrett. It was. Because I love him so very much. Don't forget, today at 10 a.m. is the cutoff for you to manicure. So if you want to be with me and Woods and Jay as we go tomorrow to get mampered, or yeah, Friday to get mampered, today's the deadline, 10 a.m. Go to MikeyShow.com and write us your little poem telling us why you should be the one to go. Let's see. So a couple of deals out there right now. Charlie Sheen was hospitalized, right? He was yesterday morning. He was in New York at a hotel and got a phone call. The security at the hotel at the Plaza around 2 a.m. from a woman. We now know that she was an escort, that he was basically flipping out. And that's his bit, right? Isn't that his thing? Yeah.

13:46Around 1.30 in the morning, this woman made the phone call, and he was throwing furniture, freaking out. Now, he had been drinking beginning at 8 a.m. Monday night, the night before. But, of course, his representative is saying, no, he's having a weird reaction to some medication that he was on. That medication's called cocaine. Yeah. So the cops showed up. They were going to arrest him, but he was really willing. He said, look, I'll go to the hospital. He calmed down. He was in rehab earlier in the year. Malibu. Promises in Malibu. Yeah. So he's in the hospital right now. Tests are being done. We'll see if it was a weird reaction to some medication. So his ex, Denise Richards, she went on the Joy Behar show. Boo. And Joy asked her about it. Oh, sorry. Just so you know, she actually was staying in the hotel with their kids. I guess they're on better terms now. And for whatever reason, they were in the same hotel. What? And she joined him. The ex, Denise Richards, joined him in the hospital, which is how she knows what's going on. All right. Here we go. Did you go to the hospital with him? I do know what happened. I would rather. Oh, you do know. You just don't want to talk about it. I would rather. Okay, so I'm just telling you what I read. And I did help him at the hospital.

15:03You did go to the hospital with him. So how was he doing? You know, I got to think that Joy knew that she wasn't supposed to ask because how would Denise Richards go on the Joy Behar show without them covering that? Of course. Right. You know, before, hey, is it cool? No, no, no, don't. I just can't imagine that Denise Richards would go on the day before her ex is in the hospital and that that's not going to be a topic of, hey, is it cool to go there? Right. Can you tell me that? I'll let you ask Charlie. No, it's, you know what, the thing is, it's very, my daughters are five and six years old and they're at an age where they can start to understand. They have no idea what went on. And I'm, a lot of our stuff happened when they were much younger, which I'm so grateful for. We're in an amazing place. We've been getting along great for the last year and a half. And, you know, we're doing our best. So as far as that situation, I'm trying to protect the girls from it as much as possible. And just so you know, the reason Charlie was freaking out is what they're saying is that he came back to the room and his wallet was missing. So he was, you know, went into a rage. He was so mad. And I guess the furniture and stuff he was throwing around, over $7,000 worth of damage he did on that room. Oh, my gosh. You know, the sad thing about it, too, is that they were on, I read they were on a family vacation. You know, they were all together. Yeah, the night before they went and saw Mary Poppins as a family. So it's like, all right, so.

16:30I go out with my daughters and my wife. My ex-wife. My ex-wife. Yeah. And we're in pretty close proximity in the hotel. I think I'll get some blow and get a hooker. I mean, you can't control yourself for one friggin' night in New York. You know what I mean? Yeah, it sounds like he's using again. Big time. So, you know, I can tell you as an addict. You're not normal. You're messed up. You're sick. It's all speculation, but there was obviously a ton of stuff yesterday, and I had heard and read that he'd been on a binge for like two weeks of just hitting it hard. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on. I'm sure we'll find out more since he's in the hospital. But I'm also reading that he's going to be back filming Two and a Half Men, his show, this week. How come that show's so popular? I've never seen it. I like it. My parents love it. I haven't seen it recently. It's like adult humor, and then it has the kid that kind of balances out the family humor, too. So you can kind of watch it with all ages, sort of. I wanted to like it, and I couldn't. I don't like John Cryer. That was my problem. That's Ducky from Pretty in Pink. I'm all the way out from Ducky. And Charlie Sheen's character is just not believable. I don't know. He's like...

17:43A dirtbag trying to sound like Jack Nicholson, it's really weird. I like it. Yeah, that show is so popular. Oh, it's huge. I like the theme song. I love Sheen. I've always loved Charlie Sheen. The kid in that show, he makes the most money out of any kid on TV, like $2.5 million a season. That's crazy. Yeah, he's been on that show. They've been on for like 10 years or something. Hey, if you're listening right now and you are a tagger, you like to do graffiti, there's a new program in San Diego you're probably not going to like. Yeah, on Monday afternoon in El Cajon, some police officers and civic leaders, they announced this new program that they're doing. It's called the El Cajon Tagger Tip Line. So basically, if you see anyone tagging in San Diego, I'd say, I mean, they're doing it in El Cajon, but you can call this number or go to ElCajonPolice.org. You can get up to $2,000 if you... call these people in. Because just last year there was over 4,000 incidents of graffiti and they want to try and stop it. It looks like garbage, man. What are you tagging for? I know. I wonder how come, and I'll really have to think it through, but I wonder why when I was a kid I could care less. About tagging? I didn't care.

18:55As an adult, I guess it's just your brain developing, but as an adult, I'm like, stupid kids. Yeah, it looks crap. It looks like crap. Well, it's the poor guy who builds his fence around his yard, and then the guys come and tag it, and now he's got to come and repaint it every other week. Such a bummer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you tagging for? Yeah, just hours after they announced this new tip line, three teenagers were arrested by the police from the tip line, so people are using it. It's working. Awesome. Sometimes they're gang-related, too. I know. Be an artist, maybe get a canvas. Cameras are being installed to help prevent wildfires, and I need to understand it. Okay, well, we know wildfires have been a problem in San Diego over the last few years, especially the Mount Woodson area near Ramona, the Red Mountain near Fallbrook. Now there's about 50 of these live webcams over there. They were funded by about $36,000 grant from the County Board of Supervisors. And basically, there's images every two minutes from the region's mountaintops. There's 16-foot-high resolution cameras. They've been installed over the last few weeks, and they just are going to, you know.

20:01Keep an eye out, and if they see any sign of fire, it's going to hopefully help prevent spreading. Yeah, I just was, the reason I didn't get it was because I'm like, there's such a wide area. Yeah. How are they going to catch, I don't know. Well, they're broadcasting fresh images every two minutes from these cameras. So this was a big deal to us. If you've got a kid that is teething, and you use these Highland teething tablets, which I've actually talked about on the air because they worked miracles for us. there's been a recall. Yeah, there's this potentially toxic substance in those teething tablets known as Belladonna. Which was the name of Stevie Nicks' solo album. Correct. Great solo record. I had no idea that that was a real thing. It's a plant, isn't it? I don't know what it is, but they say that an overdose of that, if you have too much of it, it can cause seizures, difficulty breathing, muscle weakness, constipation. I mean, stuff you don't want your baby going through, obviously. Said flushing was another one of them. Yeah, skin flushing. And Rebecca said that Ryan, that when we give it to Ryan, that he's flushed afterwards. Oh, boy. Yeah, and I, you know, I mean, to us, it was just like, yeah, you know, we didn't really think much of it.

21:15But now that we hear that, we're like, oh, maybe that's why. Yeah. The FDA is asking consumers to throw away the product. If your product is under one of these certain numbers. Now, they have a whole list of numbers. I'm not going to go over it. But you can go to, if you're worried about this, if you have a child that uses this, go to highlandsteething.com backslash recall. And you can find out if the ones you have are. Yeah. If they're the bad ones. Right. Scary. 570-1949 is our number. And yeah, you know, I, I have a friend, we have a friend and she was always like, yeah, it says to give him three. She goes, three never works. I always give him five. So we started doing that too. And it did, it worked. I mean, it worked. And it was like, it's not medicine. It's, it's homeopathic. It's all natural, that kind of deal. But I guess some of the natural ingredients that they have in there. I wonder if some parents were just going crazy with it. I mean, I just had my first baby, so everything scares me, you know? So hearing something like that, terrifying. Yeah. My mom used to put whiskey on my brother's gums. It's a good move. A lot of moms. It worked. It worked, you know? I mean, I don't know if it's real bad. You want to give him too much of it, obviously. Give him a taste for that sour mash, you know? Give him a taste for the sour mash, right?

22:34570-1949 is the number. You can text us. Text 949mikey at gmail.com. And a very, very, very full show today. We've got so much stuff we've got to do. Can't wait to talk about this when we come back. This was one of the news stories. I said this would be great to talk about. How old is too old for trick-or-treating? Which we will hit up when we come back. And also... The Big Three made their debut last night. LeBron, Dwayne Wade. Chris Bosh. Chris Bosh. And for the Heat. And Woods is going to tell you basically what they racked up last night. STP concert last night and Woods' wife went and said the place was empty. So weird. Got a fresh tea though. Yeah, it looks real good. Best 40 bucks of your life? Yeah. So we will tell you about the Heat. And we will talk about, and if you want to weigh in on it, how old is too old for trick-or-treating? I got some thoughts. Talk about it next. It's a little chilly. Yeah, this morning it was cold outside. Cold, cold. You guys want to borrow my sweater? I had my seat heater on driving in. Has your temperature changed, Sienna, since you had the baby? You used to be really hot all the time. Yeah, I'm not as hot now, but I still, I like being kind of cold. You still look good to me. She didn't mean.

24:35She didn't mean hot like that. You're still beautiful, Sienna. Great jugs. Thanks, Jay. So we're going to be talking about the big three. Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, LeBron James. Woodsy's going to tell us what happened. They made their debut last night. I have theories. How old is too old for trick-or-treating? This is in the news, actually. And there's people that... want to find those kids that are too old. Well, that's dumb. So they're trying to find an age, which is the age for the cutoff. Old curmudgeons. Well, I think it's dumb to find kids, but I do think that there's an age. They have age limits in other states. 18. Mississippi, Maryland, Virginia. 18? Yeah. 18? 18! Grow up. Come on, Pete! Some kids have mustaches coming to the door at 18, though. Yeah, it's fun. Is there... Woods, is there... anything worse than ding dong you open the door and there's and you hear trick or treat no you know why because you know you're going to get a freaking egg thrown at your door as soon as they get the can

25:40I was a 16-year-old. We give it, but I'm just saying, but don't you hate it? I give the candy, but I'm just like, really, with your 18-year-old? Would you rather have them out drinking or trick-or-treating? That is not the question. The question is, what do you think about when you go ding-dong? Here's this six-foot-tall kid with a mustache. Driving. I think it's cute. And he's rude. They're never nice. They're always like, trick-or-treat. Not in my neighborhood. They've been coming by my house since they were seven, and I know them. It's like now they're grown up and it's like, hey, what's going on? Maybe once there's the word, maybe when you're, I'd say 14, you're done. No. Done. No way. I went when I was 15. I was super treating when I was 16. You know what we dressed up as? What? Army men with black paint all over our face. You know why? So we could go. do bad stuff. You know what I mean? Not everybody's a bad person. Not everybody's an awful man. Aren't they? At 15, 16 years old. We had this whole area and I'm not going to say the name of the street but it was called the Something Wars and the older kids would go out and there was eggs and you could not go in that area if you were a kid because all the teenagers were out. Yeah. Well, I think that once

26:52You go through the change. Agreed. Do we all know what I'm saying? So you're going to check in the door or you're going to go, okay, go ahead? No, I'm saying that's my personal thing. I'm not saying you check. So what if a kid's an early bloomer and he goes through it at like 11 and all of his friends are like, hi. Okay, you got me there. That's true. That's true. I didn't think of that. I think as long as you're willing to put a costume on, you're in. So I can go trick-or-treating. I'm going trick-or-treating with Jasper. Right, but you have a seven-year-old son. I know adults that do it, dude. I know adults that do it. Really? Without kids? Yes, they think it's funny and fun. That's creepy. In my neighborhood, they give you a glass of wine. You come up, they'll have a glass of wine. Yeah, mine too. They'll wind you up and then you're just off to the next place. I want to go to your neighborhood. You give you a fresh jerk real good. They're like, come on in. Yeah, we have parties going on. You get some food. Wow. I want to go to Sienna's neighborhood where they give you keys to a Jag. Yeah, absolutely. Here's a Bentley. Maybe not Jags, but you do get the king-size candy bars. Freaking king-size Snickers.

27:52Imagine. Jackpot. What do you guys think about the people that bust their kids into the more wealthy neighborhoods? They drive to the more wealthy neighborhoods. There's nothing wrong with that. Look at Sienna. What, what, what, what? I'm sorry. It upsets me. Why? Because. I think it's a little ghetto. I don't. We used to hit up several neighborhoods. You start with your own, then you go on to the ones where the houses are really close together. Would your parents drive you, though? Sometimes, or you could walk. Would they drive you to a wealthy neighborhood because they knew they were going to get better candy? If I asked them to. They would? And you did? Usually it was someone else's parent because my mom was like, no, I'm staying here and giving out candy. I'm sorry, but when you're at your house giving away candy and you see a van pull up and like 20 kids hop out of the back and run up, it's like, oh, come on, really? You guys are bah humbug. Yeah, they are. It seems a little like shopping. You want to see the familiar kids that you know in your neighborhood. The more the merrier. Here's an opportunity to give back to maybe some people that don't have as much as you have. Yeah, I actually got busted into a place when I was younger. You did? Yeah. What did you do? What do you mean you got busted into a place? Me and my brother and my mom lived with my grandparents, and it was kind of ghetto, so we went to another neighborhood.

29:08That's the thing. Well, I mean, I do. That's different. I do. I feel bad that if it's not a good neighborhood. I guess we were ghetto. I feel like this. I feel like, you know, Jay makes a good point. It's a chance to give back to people that are less fortunate. We were less fortunate. How about we give back to people that are less fortunate and then, you know, we like have the kids from the neighborhood come by. Why not? The kids from the neighborhood and from any other neighborhood. I don't care who comes to my door. I really don't. It's not like I ain't giving it. Yeah. I remember one year having, you know, I always buy the same amount of candy usually, or my parents would. And then one year it was like so many more kids came in. We didn't have enough candy. So it's like, how do you know when different? Oh, gosh. Better take your ass to the stove. Not when you have wine at every house when you're trick-or-treating. Or turn on all the lights. Happy Halloween. Welcome to La Hoya. That's right. M1, Keith from El Cajon. Hi, how are you doing, Mikey? Good. You know, I have no problem with the older kids coming trick-or-treating after the little kids get their chance to go out. So if they come later at night, then that's quite all right with me. Yeah.

30:18How annoying is it, though, when it's like 9 o'clock and your doorbell rings? Go away. There has to be a curfew, too. Yeah, there should be. Kill the lights. Dude, and this Halloween is Sunday. We're all dead. We got to work. We got to work Monday. Yeah. And I get in bed early. Five to seven is what I'm going to try and do. Yeah. My wife is going to probably want to haggle with me with the time. Because I'll be like, I think that we should do the cutoff at 4 p.m. And she'll be like... No way. Just kidding. It should be a rule, though. If your outside light is turned off, it means, sorry, we're closed. We're closed. Rebecca asked me a few months ago if I wanted to go. I want to go with you guys. Because I want to watch Jakey. I don't go. You don't go? I want to go. You go. I want to go. You should. I want to. I love to see kids trick-or-treat, man. They get so happy. Is your wife going to be there? I don't want you alone with my wife, but yeah. It's just going to be, well, Rebecca and I are going to go to dinner first, the two of us, and then we're going to take the kids trick-or-treat. Woods is just filling in his dad real good. They're holding hands. I'm like, I look at Rebecca, I'm like...

31:31Gosh, Jakey sure is growing up, isn't he? You're a dead man. M1 Sasquatch from Oceanside? Yeah. Are you there? Yeah. Go ahead, bro. I wanted to say you're a little bit too old to go trick-or-treating when you can actually carpool with all your friends. Absolutely. If you can drive. If you're taking your Trans Am out. Yeah. That's true. On this article that I read, they were saying the cutoff age should be 12. What? I'm okay with that. So am I. I'm kind of okay with it. You're not a teen. Yeah, you're not a teen. That's exactly what I was going to say. Oh, boy. What happens if, like, my birthday was earlier in the year? Well, I guess it would have been after Halloween. You get a one-year grace. But what about the kids that are like, their birthdays are in September? And they turn 13 before all their 12-year-old friends? You get a one-year grace period. Hey, kid, I'm going to need to see some ID. Yes. Yeah, how are you going to do that? They're 12. Oh, there's another way. How about the Adam's apple they have? How about the crustace that they got going on? Well, they're probably saying leave it up to the parents. How about the pint of Old Harper on his hip? You know, in all honesty, I would be fine with it, Jay, if...

32:41The kids were nice. But I don't know why, man. It just seems like kids nowadays. Kids nowadays. I can see Mikey when he opens the door, too, giving him that eye, that, really, pal? What are you, 14? You're out of here? My kids are great. They're always like, oh, cool house. And, you know, it's like, hello, Mr. Isbell. I just can't stand that kid that goes. My kid's been around forever. I used to go with my friends and I was always like the nice police. I'd be like, you guys, don't curse in front of the adult. How about the guy who grabs your stuff off? Like I have dead body parts everywhere and he takes it and starts walking down the road and I'm kind of watching and I'm like... Really? Yeah, they're little vandals. Some of them are. But you snap one kid's neck and it's all good. But what do you do? I mean, I do understand and I kind of agree with the 12-year age limit. But what do you do when you're 13 and that's like a night that you love with all your friends? What do they do? It's a great...

33:32It's a great lesson in life of like, guess what? I'm getting older. You're too old. At 13. At 13. Grow up, kid. Yeah, but you still want to go out with your friends. But what do you do if you're not trick-or-treating? You egg people's houses. That's what you do. Hey, I got a great solution. You know what you do? What? You give out candy. No. Yep. Edward Forty Hands. That's where you just tape the beard of the kid's hands when they're 13. They're set. That's it. Don't listen to Jay. I'm just saying. You go trick-or-treating. You go toilet paper. We have a kid. We have a kid calling. Kid wants to weigh in on this. Riley's from Solana Beach. How old are you? 12. 12 years old. What do you think? Well, I hate it when, like, those wealthy kids come around at, like, 2 o'clock in the afternoon because their parents think it's such a good idea that if you leave at 12 o'clock, you get to go to every single house and people don't get all mad. If a kid came to my door at 12 in the afternoon... I would look him in the face like he's a clown. And say G-I-T. G-I-T. Get. I would rush around and get some candy together. I would not. It's Halloween still. Please. Get. It starts it. It starts it.

34:395. No way. Once it starts getting dark. Starts when it's dark, dude. 5. No, no, it does not. Not for little kids. What? They could start when school's out. No way. I got to see when Rebecca and my reservation is because I want to get started a little bit earlier. I would say between like 5 and 7 is the key time for the little kids. Yeah. We usually head out about 4, 4.30 and just get hit the street because I usually have a haunted house going at the house. L.O.B. What's that? You think trick-or-treating is okay before it's dark. What about for little kids? They've got their mom and dad. Yeah, they're not by themselves. They're not out there. There's not five-year-olds running around by themselves. They have to go to bed at like six, seven sometimes. Do you guys remember the first year you got to go solo? No. You don't? No. God, I do. Like, it was yesterday. When was that? I was probably 11, and it was, yeah, go, you and your boys. You shouldn't. Yeah, it was rad. Now I feel like you can't. You can't. Well, I lived in Simsbury, Connecticut, which was like, you know, nothing bad. Nothing bad happened. And it was in our neighborhood. And we just had. Pillowcases galore. Oh, yeah. We had a freaking blast. Yeah. It was a blast. Going home.

35:50unloading the candy, going through your brother's stuff, taking out all the good stuff. Did you count all your candy? Oh, yeah. Oh, I got three more than you. Yeah. I'd be like, really, with the candy corn bit. Jay is the house I dread because Jay does the really scary stuff. I hate it. I hate the scary stuff. I hate the scary stuff. My brother dresses as the Grim Reaper. every single year with a mask and a hood and everything and he hides and he scares the littlest kids. I'm like, Taylor, you can't do that. We do bodies sitting in chairs all the way. You have to walk through. There's all these bodies and I move around to be a different body and I just lay there still until they walk by and then I move. Jay. So great. I love that. Can you get my wife on the phone? Absolutely. Because I need to ask a real serious question and you guys are going to be like, I really want to know the answer to this question. No, we're not dating. No. That's not the question. No. Do we check the kids' candy for poison? No, of course we do that. My parents did it, too, and they'd be like, all right, looks all right, just hold it up. Like, how do you actually check? Dad's drunk on 14 beers. My parents would never. My mom would be like, don't you eat any of that until I check it, and then she would just... Barely look at it. Russell around the wrappers and be like, all right, looks good. Did you guys feast?

37:01whilst you were trick-or-treating? Of course. You reach in and be like, ooh, Reese's. Yeah, absolutely. Ooh, Jag-alongs. I wonder why America's the fattest nation in the world. Yeah, I wonder why. Do they trick-or-treat in other countries? I'm going to give away walnuts at my house this year. I've gotten a walnut. I'm going to do walnuts. It's a bit. No! I've gotten a toothbrush before. I'm like, get out of here, dentist. I'm going to do walnuts and apples. Let's see. M1 Bisquick is on the line. Oops, hang on a minute. M1 Bisquick, you there? Yeah, I was on my show. Not too much. What's up? Nothing much, man. When I was about, I don't know, 11 or so, it was pretty much my final year when I got home and emptied my pillowcase and found a dusty, crusty rock. Ew. People put rocks in your thing? Me. Oh, my gosh. And you didn't even notice when they were putting it in? Holy cow. No, I guess, like, well, I was always the tallest kid growing up, and I guess maybe just these people were looking for the older kids to kind of prank them, and when I got that, I kind of was reading. Oh. Yeah. I'm going to do cough drops. You should make little, like, wooden discs that say, like, grow up Pete. Come on, Pete. The old peoples.

38:22That'd be great. Jay, did you try, what did you try? I'm trying right now. I'm trying the home and now I'm trying her cell. She's probably busy. But here's what I want to ask. Nothing. See, if Jake gets, I don't like him going out to trick or treat, but I've resigned to it. I've resigned. I know, I know. You are the Halloween screw. I am, I am. I've resigned to it. Why? Because it freaks me out. Like, this is my problem. I'm afraid. He's going to get afraid. He's such a sweet kid, though. He's such a sweet kid. Until you break him down and make him get scared. But that's part of growing up. It is. If he gets scared, then he has something he has to overcome. But he's so sensitive, though. I see where you're coming from with Jake. It's okay, but that's how you toughen him up. He's so sensitive. This is the first year we took the kids to the Del Mar Fair for the Scream Zone. They went on the wagon, the hayride. How old? He's seven. Seven. But he went on the hayride, which is for younger kids. Yeah. And so you get on the hayride, and everybody sits down. I mean, they're killing out there. And then you go on this ride through the fairgrounds at night, and it is cool. It's scary. And the guys come up to the wagon and are hitting on the wagon. He was fine. Jess was like, yeah, whatever. But the other little kid that was with us, he scooted up. He was sitting on my leg, and then he was like on my shoulder. Yeah, holy cow. He loved it, though.

39:41I'm more scared of the nightmares than them getting scared then. I'm more scared of the nightmares. You know who gets scared is Luke. He does? Oh, yeah. Ryan's fine. Luke, my one-year-old, yesterday Jake put on his Halloween outfit, and everything scares Luke. He cries at everything. I can just picture little Jakey going up and go, Daddy, why did that man scare me? And he's just such a sweet kid. Somebody jumped out. You would slip it. And Jake started crying that sad cry where he's, you know, and tears are coming. It would break my heart. That's what I want to ask Rebecca. Like, what do we do and how do you feel about that? So you're not going to go on the journey? No. Would he understand if you warned him? Would he, like, know to look out for it? It's like a game. Tell him. Yeah. I guess, but that seems so... wrong to me. I just tell them it's not real. Yeah, it's not real. It's a big game. Great, but that's like this. That's like if we as adults get scared by something, you know, same concept. And somebody goes, yeah, it's not real. That doesn't really help. I go to the Scream Zone and all those things, and I get terrified. And I know they're just like actors getting paid $8 an hour to do the stuff, but I still am like, ah!

41:03But it's fun. Yeah, it's fun. Someone would be from Bird Rocks on the phone. Are you there, Whoop? I am here. Good morning, guys. What's going on? You know, I think that, because my son's 13, and he and his friends go trick-or-treating in the fabulous area of Bird Rock to go trick-or-treating in. I bet. That's where all their friends are. That's where their school is. I'm okay with them doing it until, like, they're 16 and 17. I think maybe it's more neighborhood-based. I'm fine with it as long as they're polite and they go, trick or treat, and they don't go, trick or treat. They can't help it if they have a deep voice. No, but if you're too cool, it's about being too cool. It's about being too cool. It's that big. If you're too cool, then you shouldn't be doing it. I'll say to kids, what are you? My son's been cool for many, many years, and he's also been close to six feet, and he's 13. Yeah, that's fine as long as he's cool about it and he's like, trick-or-treat instead of the kids that are too cool for school, and they're like, trick-or-treat. Whoops, is he going to get into mischief? They don't get into mischief? Sienna's talking about how trick-or-treat is in Bird Rock. It is so much fun. It's a big, like, family. You have no idea, like, the kids and parents going house to house and the wine pouring in the street. It's too much fun. It's just like this big community. Yeah. There's such a sense of that, that the age line is kind of blurred.

42:32everybody is just having such a good time. I want my child to participate in that. That's what the neighborhood is for. Thank you, Woob. The rule should be they have to have a costume. I'll say to kids that look questionable. What are you? And if they can't tell me what they are, sorry, no candy. Yeah, exactly. I'm down with that, too. Yeah, don't go show up as yourself. No. Like, I'm going to do on Friday. No. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The Chargers are in dire need of a win, and they will be taking on the Tennessee Titans this weekend. Kickoff is 105 Pacific. About 9,000 tickets available for general tickets, and then 2,000 club seats available. Here we go again. Yeah, it might be blacked out. Can you blame them at this point? You know what I mean? Now I'm kind of on board with, yeah, I agree. Whatever. And then last night was the Big Three's big debut. Everybody was all fired up to see how LeBron, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade played together. How did it go? They lost 88-80 to the Celtics. I guess it's over. I guess the season is over. But here's LeBron talking about how, hey, it might take a little time. Cut one.

43:43We all know Rome wasn't built in one day. You know, so it's going to take time. It was built in three days? Is that what they did? Comparing them to Rome. Three days. And we understand that. And, you know, we have to keep on making progress every day and just continue to get better. I have a theory. Okay. I think that because they're such big, gigantic stars, that they were concerned with, like, sharing. Here's the deal. It was actually... that's actually dead on because LeBron said he passed up so many open looks at shots he would have taken in Cleveland because he was the man in Cleveland that he dished it off. They didn't make the shot. And, you know, he had 31 points. He took 21 shots. But he said, man, I had so many open looks that I didn't take. So did D. Wade had so many looks that he would have last year taken and made.

44:35that they were like, oh, we had a pass because people are going to freak out. I don't want it to be the LeBron show. Or the D. Wade show or the Chris Boss show. So that's going to be a constant struggle for those guys the rest of the year. And if LeBron's got an open shot and Dwayne Wade's wide open, and he misses, they're going to be like, why didn't you just dish it to D. Wade? Right. So I'm not an NBA guy at all. I am fascinated by this. thing that they have there. I really am. I will be reporting on it every day. Just FYI, you're going to know how the heat did. I want to know. I heard that they were passing the ball to each other and they haven't got the chemistry yet. They passed the ball and it would hit them and they were like, I didn't know you were going to pass it to me. They said they still looked in preseason form. They said they just haven't quite gelled yet. When and if they do? Watch out. I mean, those are three of the best in the business. But also tonight is the World Series start. It is Tim Lincecum against Cliff Lee. It is going to be a really, really solid game. Josh Hamilton is an L.O.B. That's ridiculous. Those are two of the best in the business. Yeah. In the business. These two are dynamite to watch pitch. I mean, I was telling Mikey about Lincecum. I said, you would take Jake to a game, and you would say to Jake at the game,

45:52I want you to remember watching this guy pitch. Because both of them, they're that good. I would say to him, you know, hey, I want you to remember watching him pitch. I also want you to not like his baseball team. Exactly. At all. Picture him with a Padres jersey. But you've got to respect what these guys do. For sure. You've got to tip your cap. And so Josh Hamilton was the ALCS MVP. Here he is talking about the two pitchers, cut two. Yeah, I mean, you know, they're two of the best in the league. I mean, you can't answer it any better than that. Each one of them knows what they want to accomplish or what they want to do when they get on the mound. Linscom's got a little different delivery than most, so you have to get used to that. But Cliff, he's going to go right at the guys, and we'll see. Sounds very excited to be giving that interview. Game two is Thursday. It'll be Matt Cain. Saturday will be Jonathan Sanchez, and Sunday game four will be Madison Baumgartner for the Giants. Go Giants. No. Don't go Giants. Yeah, 100%. Screw the Rangers. I'm out on those guys. The Los Angeles Lakers kicked off their season last night, too. What would you think if some guy on the radio in Dallas was like, go Giants? Would you care less? No, no, no. I don't mean baseball. Like in football. I'm not a Cowboy fan. I don't care.

47:12What if you live in New York City? I have my team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some guy on the radio is like, go Sox. Do you clowns not think that people write me every day and say, go Sox, go Sox, go Sox? What are you going to do? You root for your squad. You root for who you're pulling for. Daily, I get it. Daily. The Lakers last night took on the Houston Rockets, but before the game, they rolled down their 16th. NBA title banner before the game. They all got their rings. It was a big to-do. And they came out a little bit flat. It took them a little time. They did end up getting the win, 112-110. Here's Pau Gasol on getting that slow start, cut three. It took us a little time to get completely focused into the game and what we needed to do in order to win it. So it took a little bit of time to settle down and get back into the focus necessary. That's Woods on Sports. Plus, my boy, Winder, is a huge Giants fan. I've got to root for that guy. Get out of here with that. Because you rooted for the Irish for me because you root for your boy. You root for who your boy is going for. What about Eric Turman's team, the Red Sox? Yeah, the Red Sox could go down a plane. I could carry less. I'm out on those guys. Out? Yeah, I just, as a Padre fan, and I am. I mean, we'll use that with a grain of salt, too. I mean, come on. Let's call Spade a Spade.

48:33You're saying I'm not a Padre fan? I'm saying that you didn't go to one game last year and now you're like Johnny Padre. It's not fair. I used to go. I know. I used to have season tickets. I can't go. They were in a pennant race and you didn't go. What am I supposed to do? They play on the weekends? That doesn't make me not a fan though. It kind of does. It absolutely does. No, there's plenty of people that don't go to games and they're fans of the team. The elderly. How many Yankee games did you go to? I think they're across the country. How many Yankee games did you go to? They're across the country. When they played in Anaheim. I'm going. It was during the week. You are going. Next year. Did you go to Anaheim? It was during the week. Did you go see them? No, I'm not allowed. I get in trouble. You're not a fan. Yes, I am. I watched 100. How many Padre games did you watch? Ever get defensive? I watched 150 games on that laptop, Val. I watched 260 games. You didn't watch any Padres. Clowns, clowns, clowns. Why do I have a feeling this fight is going to continue when we go to commercials? As soon as those mics go off. As soon as those mics go off, we're discussing. I don't care. Go Giants. Stop! What? You are a clown. Giants! Los Gigantes! I'm going to turn your mic up. Steven Slater. Do we all know who's Steven Slater? Yes, we do. It wasn't likely.

49:55More than likely. Jet Blue flight attendant. He was on Larry King last night and talked about why he flipped out, what went through his mind. Well, we haven't really heard an interview yet about it from him. All we've heard is him at court or him at, you know, this is like the first time he discusses it. So we're going to hear it next. Do you want to see it? I'll give you a taste. Give me a taste. Woods does the Scott Weiland thing. It's my man. It's so great. I love it. Guy's the greatest. It looks just like what he does. He's the greatest. You watch that guy, you're like, God, dude, how do you do that? Yeah, he's bonafide and legitimate. If you could get a certification. For frontman? For rock star. Done.

51:27Like some guys are in rock bands that are even signed to labels, but sorry. Sorry, man. They're not a rock star. Lenny Kravitz, rock star. Scott Weiland, rock star. Yeah. Yeah, there's certain guys that they're just, they scream rock star. You see them and you're like, damn it. And he's a rock star. You have a big man crush. Speaking of big man crushes, we all have one on Woods, and that's why we're going to change his diapy at 7.30. Great. Who's a little baby? Who's the little guy? Who's that good to go? This is going to be interesting. Let me see a smile. Who's going to win? Can we do this on your belly? If you'd like to. Zerbert. You can. Zerbert. You can Zerbert me. Okay. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. That's Kraz. That's Kraz. He does our phones.

52:27Stephen Slater was on Larry King, former JetBlue flight attendant. And he was on talking about why he accepted a plea deal. You pled guilty to two counts of attempted criminal mischief in connection with that August 9th emergency. More than likely. Why'd you plead? You know, I don't look very good in horizontal stripes. Oh my gosh. Woods just thought of a million things associated with Stephen Slater going to jail. More than likely. He talks about the woman that he got into it with. It was a smaller aircraft. It was two seats and two seats with a center on it. What are you laughing about?

53:22He has a really, really nice pitch to his voice. He does. It's very soothing. Listen, there are some gay guys that are like, hey, how you doing? Yeah. You know, you'd never know. They're like, hey, what's up? Right. Steven Slater happens to be the quintessential voice. I love it. My voice is deeper than it is. Yeah, it's true. 100%. It's true. Very small bins, very large bags. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, there wasn't a great monitoring of luggage coming down the jetway that day, and some people were struggling. There was a customer, two customers, who were sort of jockeying for position in the overhead compartments, and I could see that the bag in question was far larger than anything that should have been on that aircraft at the time. I've dealt with these kinds of doo-doo heads a million times, and that day I just sprung a spring. Little rascals. There were rascals, and I sprung a spring. And it would have required a different arrangement to get it on board. So I went back to assist in getting the items properly stowed. This was in the back of the plane? This was... Do you know what makes me laugh? What? Passive-aggressive gay guys.

54:32Always will make me laugh. Yeah, 100%. It's hysterical. Yes, and when they do it like a girl does it really effectively, and they go, I guess you can just go first. Yeah, it's hysterical. There's something about that voice that makes me think that person's really smart. I don't know why. Yes, quick and smart and witty. Fighting. About row six or seven. It was still towards the front. Was it a male or female? There was a lady and a gentleman who were both kind of vying for the same spot at the same time. And she was becoming... Well, I guess we're in a hurry. Very frustrated because she couldn't wedge this. I guess you want to rewrite physics. Oh, my gosh. The loss of nature, the loss of physics. Sure. No problem. Sorry, Ms. Newton. Happy birthday to you. I guess we're just going to wait until everybody gets their bags in. Yeah, I guess it's somebody's birthday. Mr. Captain, just kick back. Have a coffee. You'll be fine. They need to get their bags on.

55:28We're in no hurry. Yeah. Take your time. Yeah, put your bags up. I guess we'll all just get our bag on. Why don't we all just silently applaud everything he says. I do too. Ten pound piece into this five pound. She had the bigger bag. The bigger bag, yeah. So what happened? Well, I approached her to try to see if we could simply shift the bag 90 degrees and get it in. And she was kind of, you know, pulling and pushing and pushing and pulling down the bin at the same time. And it just kind of happened that in the midst of this, I got smacked across the... forehead here. Whether it was the bin or the bag, I'm not entirely sure. It might have been both. It was all just kind of a real quick pull and slam. I was. I had a pretty good cut on my forehead at the time. Hindsight being 20-20, if I had it to do again, I probably should have. I probably wouldn't have screamed at her, grabbed two Budweiser's, opened up the emergency exit, popped open the big floaty and gone down it while flipping them both off. Still on board. I've said, you know what, we're going to take a time out here. I'm still not on board. I know. G-I-T. I'm going to have somebody take a look at this and maybe somebody needs to talk to these people and see if we can't civilize this a little bit. I was. Are you gay, right? Yeah. Let me understand. Are you gay? Just a question. Somebody told me, one of my producers said that you like fellas.

56:52Is that a true statement? He would say something like that. He would. Without a doubt. I was angry. Mad at the lady. Makes a Liberace reference because it's the only thing he can remember. Do you like Liberace? Yeah. So you must be like a Liberace fan. Who's Liberace? I was angry at all of it. I call it the perfect storm of bad manners that created the situation, including my own. It was very typical of what we see anymore. We're stressed. Your flight attendants are working 12, 14-hour duty days, often with as little as six to eight hours rest the night before. Like I said, it was the third leg of the day. It was the third day of a three-day trip. Passengers are stressed. We know what trials are. I don't want to hear reasons why you act and behave poorly. I do. I believe it because I see people act like a-holes on a plane. Guess what, though? That's not the way you react to it. Exactly, and he admitted that, and he said it was my behavior, too. Then, after admitting it, he then went on to justify it. Well, because maybe he's trying to send a message to people, hey, guess what? You can't just treat flight attendants or anyone in customer service however you want. Yeah, you see these people that... Or what? Or you might get... Somebody might... You might get someone fly off the handle on you. Yeah. Might get what's coming to you. If that's where we are.

58:17It's disgusting. It's not like he hit her. Right, he didn't punch her. He didn't do anything to her. He was like, I'm out of here. You guys don't remember? He was screaming and cursing at her. He got on the intercom. I mean, there's probably kids in there, too. She got lucky. I've never screamed or cursed at anybody. Never. Right. Screamed or cursed at somebody? Oh, yeah. I have. Well, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. So we're like going, eh, you know. Yes. She had it coming to her. 100%. Maybe she did. I wasn't there. I say that, dude, after seeing people on planes that are, that people, and people in restaurants and planes are the two worst, where you're like, hey, I'm paying for this. So that gives me the right to act like a big D whenever I want to, because I'm the one paying. Now, you know my opinion about what he did. Yes, you're not a fan of it. Right. Do you believe that I believe? that it's okay for the woman in the restaurant to do that no no of course i don't know just like i don't think that it would be okay for the woman in the airplane to be a dodo yeah i don't i don't i mean you can see how you can see how how after the third day of a three-day trip they're working hard the guy's frazzled and somebody pushes your dude i know i can because i'm i'm that way llb i read your blog the other day about some somebody freaking out on you and

59:35Sometimes you get to that point where you want to snap. Sometimes you snap, and sometimes you use your better judgment. I almost snapped. LLB almost snapped. I have snapped before, as evidenced in a certain article. But there are times when you lose it. And all I'm saying is I sympathize and can relate. Yes. And I say, if you're working in an industry where you're supposed to be about customer service, this is the first I've ever heard. I'm 40. This is the first I've ever heard of a flight attendant going boing, flipping out, and doing what this guy did. They're cutting back on the amount of staff members that they have, and they're making the current staff members work longer hours. That still doesn't change any part of my logic, which is 40 years old, never seen a flight attendant go kaplooey. But they're overworked more than ever before. Still doesn't change any part of my argument. They're overworked as much as they are before. No matter how overworked you are, in my opinion, you don't ever. And it doesn't matter if you I'll actually even take it a step further. Regardless of whether or not you work for a company or you're just a you're part of the human race. It's never OK to flip out like dude flipped out to the extent where you're like cursing on an intercom, popping open the emergency exit, grabbing beers, flying down the thing. It makes you look like a.

1:01:01Absolutely. And he's going to pay the price for it. And he's not saying that he did the right thing. He's apologizing for it. This is what I'm not getting. Justification. I just have never understood it. So in order for the interview to be what you would like, he would say, yes, I did it. I take full responsibility. Yeah, I shouldn't have done it. It's probably not as exciting. You wanted to say it doesn't matter what the reasons are. Yeah, that would have been even, oh my gosh. If he had said, listen. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. How overworked people are, blah, blah, blah. There's no excuse if you're working for a company to fly off and scream at people, especially in front of kids. But in his defense, Larry did ask him, what went down? What went down? Tell me the story. He may have said that, but we would never let that go. We'd be like, well, what happened? What about the decision to pull the emergency exit, Stephen? Best decision of all time. where did you get the shoot to go down in the in that moment i was standing at the front of the aircraft and and the jetway was up the passengers were just starting to come up the aisle and i just was in this state and people asked me what were you thinking what were you thinking in that moment well i was in two completely opposite places at once i was in a state of pure rage and anger

1:02:24And I also had this moment of just serenity and clarity when it occurred to me that... I imagine him sitting there across from Larry drinking tea out of China with his legs crossed. In a bra and panties. Oh, wow. I don't know how to do this anymore. I saw this golden ray of sunshine just through that little porthole, and I thought to myself, you know, my car's just right across that ramp. I'm out. I'm out. I love it. And it's a beautiful beach day, and I think it's time to go, and that's a quick way to do it. Didn't stop. Didn't stop and think to myself, well, is that an appropriate way to leave a 20-year career? Obviously not. But in that moment, that's just where it took me. So I gave it a very thorough look out the window. We're taught for 20 years. We're going down. Well, yeah, we're told in training. Your boyfriend outside? Inside conditions. I don't understand this. I'm just trying to make sense of it. That's all I'm asking. I think it's weird too. This is just me. I think it's weird that we are at an age in time where we go, well, listen, I mean, the guy had built it up to this point. We're not at the point in our evolution where we go, no matter what, that's wrong. We don't. We're past that.

1:03:49That was probably 15 years ago. 15 years ago, people might have said, hey, it doesn't matter how overworked you are. You never do that. Well, I think we all agree. Everybody here can agree that that's fundamentally wrong, that you shouldn't do it. But I think there's also some part of, I know maybe all of us. Everyone's gotten to that point where you've wanted to just flip. He did what we've, some people, most of us, have wanted to do at some point, which is to go out. With a huge bang. I've done it. I did it. I've gone out with a bang before. And then, you know, you get to your car and you're like, and I'm guaranteed when he got to his car, he goes, holy ass, what did I just do? You know, what did I just do? Exactly. He may have had some alcohol. You have to undergo counseling and substance abuse treatment for what substance? I am a recovering alcoholic. Were you? Were you alcoholic? Say it. Say it. Were you alcohol? Are you alkaline batteries? You're telling me that you became, you're clearly, this guy's nuts. He says he became an alkaline battery. No. Are you Alka-Colco? Are you Macaulay-Colco? We involved that day.

1:05:11You know, I don't think you end up in a substance abuse program or alcohol court without some purpose. I will admit I have accepted a responsibility for the fact that I did have a sip or two. I was in no way intoxicated or impaired at the time of the incident. This was just the end of the rope. But, yes, I have acknowledged that. That's what the two beers were for, to tip the scale. Absolutely. Well, of course. For the drive home. That's right. Steve, Stephen Slater, what were you thinking going down the chute? What were you thinking, Stephen, going down the chute? Why didn't I get a mimosa? Yeah. The mimosa would have been better. Why didn't I grab more beers? Yeah. Yeah, there was plenty more. I only got two. Thinking I'm free. I'm finally free. It was so fast. It was so quick. Free! Free! That's right. This wonderful, warm sunlight was out there, and I just felt this. So odd. So odd. I can feel it, though. I mean, I've done the quit where I'm like, I'm out of here. And I throw my apron down, and I'm like, man, I fantasized about doing that for so many times. And it's like, you look back, and you're embarrassed. You're like, really? Why didn't I just take the high road? But you fantasize about, like, if I were to go, how would I go? Well, hey, listen.

1:06:37And I get, like, throwing the apron down. I'm out of here. It's the whole customer's thing. You know, like, if you threw a drink in somebody's face. Yeah, that's way different. Like, I see this as the equivalent. She assaulted him, though. So he verbally assaulted the entire plane. That would snap. That would snap you. Like if somebody, if something hit you, if some, two people, if you were talking to somebody. Isn't that what happened? She was pulling her bag and it hit him. And it hit him and it cut him. But I don't think she assaulted him. It was an accident. I mean, she was being an idiot. She was saying bad stuff to him, swearing at him. And pulled her bag out and it hit him. But I don't think she took a bag and was like, hi-yah. No. It doesn't even matter, though. Just that accidentally hitting him would make anyone go. After this woman would not reason with you and after she was already disrespecting you, you're just like, oh, no. It's like Chris Rock, man.

1:07:30I'm not going to condone what he did, but I understand. You're talking about OJ. That's what he was talking about. I know, but I'm saying in this case. Which was a joke. I'm saying in this case, I'm not going to condone what he did, but I understand. Exactly. I'm not using that analogy as to that that's okay. I'm saying I'm going to use that analogy as I'm not condoning what he did, but I understand what he did. I felt unencumbered and a weight off my shoulders and like I was back in charge of my own life. There it is. Stevie Slater. Stevie Slater. Hero to the working man. He did not expect to be arrested, he said. And despite being a folk hero, he still puts his pants on one leg at a time. Yes, he does. That's right. And also talked a little bit about how flight attendants' jobs have changed over the years. The prosecutor of your case said he thought that he felt somewhat, that Stephen felt humiliated by what you perceived as degrading work conditions. Is that true, Stephen, by the way? It's frustrating. You know, 20 years ago, I was carving a Chateaubriand over the North Atlantic. Can we just save the clip of him saying...

1:08:4020 years ago, I was carving a Chateau Briand over the North Atlantic. What's that even mean? It's the champagne thing? No, it's a piece of meat. Oh, never mind. Career, I was chucking Cheetos on the back of a regional jet. Flight attendants today are performing all the cabin cleaning duties. It was on a weekly basis I would pull a dirty diaper out of a seat back pocket. You know, the days of the pillbox hat and the white gloves are unfortunately long gone. Yeah, the guy yearns and longs for a better time. Hello, Miss Lady. I'll tell you what, though. I have waited tables and people left dirty diapers on the table. And I was like, what is the matter with you? Are you kidding me? So it goes both ways. It's the customer pushing the envelope as well as the... Let me tell you. We should be good to each other. Good Lord. I heard somebody say this one time. I thought it was kind of wise. He said, if you're in a job and you don't like it, right? Think about getting another job, okay? Now, maybe the job market is such that you can't get another job. And there's no better job available for you to get. If that's the case, you're in the best job you could possibly be in. Because you got a job. Now, if you don't like it, you can get another one. Unless you can't. And then again, you're in the best job you could possibly get. Thought there was some wisdom in that.

1:10:00You can agree or disagree. All I know is either way, when we come back, we're going to change Woods' diaper. There's also conventional wisdom is do unto others as you would have done unto you. Absolutely. I wouldn't leave a dirty diaper on a table. No. That's absurd. For sure. And if I was the person finding the dirty diaper, do unto others as you would have them do to you. Change my diaper. Yeah. We're going to change Woods' diaper when we get back. Speaking of diapers. We're going to time ourselves. So we need you to call us at 570-1949. Pick me, Sienna. Jay or LLB, who can do it the fastest? Welcome back. Sienna, what's going on in the news? MySpace. No longer the big social network. As we know, they have finally been waving the white flag. They've been defeated by Facebook, Twitter. We know that. But they are going to stay around. They're now going to be, basically, they're relaunching their site. It's going to be taking place over the next month. And they want to be all about bands and where you can go and chat about TV shows and make movie recommendations and stuff like that. There's a million creepers out there right now that are like, nah.

1:12:16I'm on MySpace. Yeah? Yeah. If you're an artist, then MySpace is still viable. Sort of. LLB does her comedy there. Yeah. It's still viable for that, but if you're wanting to put a picture of yourself in your panties, it's not as popular as it used to be. Also, Indonesia is going through a rough time right now. We know that they had an earthquake of 7.7 a couple days ago. They had a 10-foot tsunami, which killed more than 100 people. And now a volatile volcano, Mount Merapi, just erupted earlier today. What's going on in sports? Well, the World Cup. Octopus. Paul. You guys might remember this. He picked how Germany would fare in seven matches, and then he picked the final correctly. Paul is dead. What they would do is they would put him in a tank, and then they would have all the flags of the nations up there, and he would always swim to the correct one. He did it over and over and over again. Dude was great. In Germany, they had a psychic octopus.

1:13:24that would predict the outcomes of the you remember that well he yeah he's dead paul the psychic octopus is dead and and today he was uh laid out in cocktail sauce at red lobster and uh you can go over sin but uh don't kid yourself paul the psychic octopus uh had quite a career some controversy in paul's career paul the psychic octopus he he one time got caught uh texting photos of his tentacles Pretty good. What else, Woodsy? Well, number two ranked Boise State won its 21st game in a row last night over Louisiana Tech, 49-20. They're 7-0. They're 3-0 in the WAC. And, man, these guys are, you know, getting the due that they deserve. But, you know, 21 consecutive victories. They pulled off another one on the blue turf last night. I want to see them play. Have you not? No, no, no. I want to see them play.

1:14:23You know, an Alabama. They've played and beaten in Oklahoma. Yeah. In the Nationals. I mean. That's pretty rad. They're solid. Oh, yeah. They have all kinds of tricks up their sleeve. Oh, I'm not saying it because I don't believe in it. Yeah. I would just love to see a great game. Would be great. Of a, you know, a Bama and Boise State. Yep. And Auburn or something like that. Oregon. Yep. For sure. All the big dogs. Woodsy is moments away from being changed. We're going to change him. We're going to change him into diaper. Diapy. Diapy. Diapy. We're going to see who, you know, because Sienna just had a baby. It got us a thing in. Why don't we see who is the best at changing a diaper, and we'll use Woodsy as our baba. Great. You got an appearance tonight, right, Woods? I do, man. I'm going to be at Zenboo Sushi in Cardiff. Delicious. Yeah, I'm excited. I heard the food is...

1:15:20Dino Mine. I'm going to be there from 7 to 8, giving away tickets to see The Gorillas, Massive Attack, and Sublime with Rome. Right on. There's also going to be gear from Rusty, Dragon Alliance, sunglasses, and CDs, all kinds of stuff. Come out, hang out with me, have some sushi, and we'll be a blast. Okay, now we're going to let people pick who they think will be the fastest at changing woods. We have to, like, pick up his butt and put the diaper in it. I'm going to go with, I'm going to try my best. And I think I will be good at this, but, you know, I've changed two diapers in my life. I think Sienna's going to pretty much do great on this. You know, she's been doing it longer than we have. But I'm not that strong. I think Jay. I think Jay. Jay, yeah. Have you seen the freakishly large muscles? But he's got to cooperate. Woods, you have to cooperate with us changing you. I'll do whatever you want me to do. Okay. Let's get people to pick. Whoa. M1 Mick. I will do it. M1 Mick from IB. Who do you want? Oh, I'm picking you, Mikey. All right. Bad choice. M1 Cat from Santee. Yes, sir. Who do you want? Jay, of course. All right. Hang on the line. M1 Podcast from North County, who do you want? Well, since we're regular diapers and not cloth diapers, I'll go with Indiana. Okay. Yeah. All right. And M1 Jeff from Mission Valley, you are lucky enough to get Lauren. I heard him get stuck with me. I'm lucky.

1:16:46That's right. You got Lauren. I'm trying to figure out how to say that because Lauren would get mad at me if I said you get Lauren. How did you want me to say it again? Who do you want? Who do you want? Yep. That's like what you said for everybody else. But there's only one left. There's one left. Yeah, it's the default. Who would you like? Who would you like? It doesn't make us feel good when it's us. I know. It's happened to all of us though, I think. Has it? Yeah. It's usually Lauren and I. Yep. It's a sad time. Hey, one more Letterman thing. He had Taylor Swift on the show last night and smelled her perfume and said this when he smelled her perfume. And please don't take this the wrong way. You smell like expensive wood. You smell like expensive wood. Wow. That's what her perfume smelled like. What would you think, Lauren, if somebody said you smell like expensive wood? I would say, oh, wow. What would you say, Sienna? Well, I'm trying. Okay. What is that? That is the most unique compliment I've ever gotten. That's what that is. If she doesn't say what it is, it'll drive me batty. If she does not say the name of the perfume, it'll bother me all day long. It's very good. I've never had a little of that before. It's just very subtle, very pleasing. What is it? 20.

1:18:21It's Letterman's fault, not hers. Oh, my gosh. No, you would just say, oh, whenever someone compliments your perfume, you say, oh, it's so-and-so. It's this. It's a simiaki. Yeah. I need to know what it is. I love perfumes. No, I'm not going to be fine. I need somebody that's a tailor. Woods, you're on her blast. You get her blast on her fan site. Yes. I like one song. She probably has Jake Gyllenhaal's cologne on her. That's why she's not going to say anything. Is she dating Jake Gyllenhaal? They've been spotted together three times in the past few days. Good for him. Good for her. Good for both of them. Wood is a man's smell, not a woman's. Oh, maybe he was smelling Jake Gyllenhaal's cologne on her. Expensive wood smells delicious. I wonder what the next song will sound like. Yeah, I can hardly wait for the reveal all from her. You're probably really on Brokeback Mountain. You wear wood cologne and it rubs on me. That song's called Wear Their Cologne. Yeah. Dear Jake. I really want someone to write a song about her and tell us about all of her flaws because she's perfect. I think she is. She's not? No one is? Fine. She's not perfect. You smell of wood. He took advantage. Jake Gyllenhaal's wood. He did not. He did take advantage. He did not. He participated in an adult relationship. With a teenager. He knew he could talk her out of anything. She was legal and that's enough. He probably talked her right out of her clothes.

1:20:06Probably pretty easy to do. So easy to do. What? I can do it right now. You guys are crazy. All right, let's change woods. Let's change woods. Let's get out of your clothes. Are we going to go one at a time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we can't. Yeah, we have to. Who's taking the time? So Jay just walked in with a bag of Depends, and Woods is lying on the floor, of course, with a pillow under his head. Woods looks so ready for this. He's comfortable. That is the biggest diaper I've ever seen in my entire life. What size diaper is that? It's like a tablecloth. That is a large man's diaper. You open. It's bigger than Mikey's whole chest. Spread open. Write a big M on it. Oh, wow. Yeah, put it. Write an M on it so we know who's his two. So Mikey's now opened a big diaper. Yeah. Now, Jay. Yes. You want to time it? I can. I can time it on here. Lauren has a timer. Lauren has a timer. All right. Give me a mark. Let's just put his hat over his face and take a little nap. Tell me when you start because I can't see you. Give me a mark. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Ready? Here we go.

1:21:16On your mark, get set, go. Woods is lying there nod. Mikey, I can see your butt crack. I can see a lot of butt crack. Go. It's under him. It's under his butt. Mikey's putting the tape on, and he's almost done. He's almost done. This diaper has three pieces of tape on each side. Mikey. Oh, nice job. Holy mackerel. 19 seconds. Notice how I said your butt crack was showing because it got me some time. I know. I know. My butt crack was showing. It's okay. Wow. All right. I hate these jeans because these are butt crack jeans. That's all right. I'm making sure I'm all secure. Don't wear butt crack jeans on diaper changing day. Who's going next? Who's going next? I know. Why do I feel like you like this? Are you going now, Jay? How long did it take me? 19 seconds. 19 seconds. Oh, that's good. Wait, hold on. What? Now, the Depends have three pieces of tape on each side. Do we need to do all three? I did all three on one side, and I missed two on the other side. So does it not matter? Maybe it doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't think it matters. If you guys can get one clasp, you're good. I just want to be sure. Yeah, get one clasp, you're good. You're going to give him an On Your Mark? On your mark? We're taking pictures of this right now. We are taking pictures, so we'll put it on MikeyShow.com. And I have an official timer right here. On your mark, get set, go.

1:22:41Jay's getting, he lifted up his legs, both legs, diaper under his butt. Woods is really cooperating. Yeah, he is. Woods is gritting his teeth, though. He's got his hands splayed out to the side. Jay's almost done. Last tape. Last piece of tape coming for Jay. There it is. 17 seconds. Wow. 17 seconds, Jay. All right, I'm going now. Good job. Wow, Jay. I'm scared. You'll be fine. I'm scared, too. There you go. Here comes the diaper. Here's your diaper. Prep it. Open her up. Yeah, you get the prep. You get the prep. It's like a butterfly bandage. For a giant. It looks like a butterfly bandage for a giant. Are you ready? Who is this cracking me up? Tell me when you're... I don't want to grab anything. Sienna, how do we do this? You tell me when you're ready. Get where you need to be. Are you ready, Sienna? He's a baby. On your mark, get set, go. She's got his butt lifted up. She's got the part under his back. Now she's going between the legs. Oh, yeah, get in there. And she is now putting...

1:23:56Putting the side down. She's trying to find the clasp. Got one clasp on the right side. She's going for the... Oh, it fell off though, Sienna. Going for the other side. Got the clasp. Going for the other side now. The right side. Back to the right side. And she's got it at 20 seconds. 20 seconds. Wow, and it busted. I was like bent over him. That right side unclasp really got you, Sienna. Lauren, the time to beat. is 17 seconds. Your time to beat is 17 seconds. Right now... I'm zipping my jacket because I don't want any hanging things to get in the way. She's zipping her Amelia Earhart jacket up. There you go. Are you ready? She's getting prepped. She's getting the diaper all into position. How do you feel? Yeah, Woods, how is this? She's the nicest dressed baby changer I've ever seen. She's got her Peter Pan boots on and her leather jacket. Hang on. Before we start, I have a question for Woods. Woods. How different is this job from your last job? I seriously, oh my God. Lauren, how different is putting a diaper on a full-grown friend for a living than working at the belly up? As long as I don't have to pick up his puke and pee at the end of the night. They're clean diapers. All right, are you ready? I'm ready. On your mark, get set, go. All right, she's lifted his leg. He's hunched up.

1:25:21She's got everything in position. She's putting it in between his legs. She's putting it in between his legs. She's struggling. She's struggling. She's got one side, left side. She's going left side first. Clasp. Woods is pretending to fall. And she's done. 18 seconds. 18 seconds. That means Jay is the winner. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Holy cow. Oh my gosh. Woods. Look at Woods. Seriously, I went about it like it was sage. It was going to be like I could just lift up your leg. When I realized I couldn't lift you, I thought, now what? He was very cooperative. Woods, did you just say mortified? He was very quiet. You were really a good baby. You were very submissive. You were also very cooperative. Clean and clean. Oh my gosh. That was probably my favorite thing we've done. M1Cat from Santee. Are you there? I am here. Jay won for you. Congratulations and hang on, okay? Thanks. Holy cow, that was funny. Oh, my gosh. So we'll do some radio charades when we get back. So call in for that, 570-1949. And Jay, what will the prize be for radio charades? We have the Vince Vaughn.

1:26:45Kevin James. Yeah, Kevin James. Comedy tour. Comedy blowout. People are jumping on their cellular to let everyone know about that right now. 570-1949 is our number. And, yeah, we'll play radio charades and also give you who the Ask Men readers thought the 49 most influential dudes in America are. And we will do that. Hey, good luck to my wife. Jamie, who's on a job interview right now, and she's about to go in. Go knock them dead, woman. Go get them, darling. I accidentally lost our word of the day winner, but we did get word of the day. I threw it out there. The word was cellular. You did. I missed it. Weird. One of our listeners is going to buy a couple tickets to the Cutlass concert. And one live the life. Yeah, and he's going to donate them so that we can give them away. Me too. Which is good. And Woods is doing that. It's really great because money's going to outside the bowl. That's the organization that I'm going to Haiti with. Okay. By the way, if you want to get tickets, outsidethebold.org is how you do that. Okay. So we'll do that in a little bit. Let's get to the radio charades. Yes. I'm terrible. Now, I have to be your eyes, and I'm not that great at this. You're pretty good. You have your moments. Well, let's try.

1:28:40Be confident in yourself. Well, in this thing. You're a talented guy. Yeah, but in this, this is my area of weakness is games. I get to play a game. This is, I think, my first game that I've played since I've been back. For sure. And it's movies. That's what we're doing. Sorry about that. Hi. How are you? This is Bobby, right? Yeah. Yeah, I was calling in for the cell. Yeah, I heard you say you lost the person. I thought you guys forgot about me. Nope. Didn't forget about you, Bobby. And we are ready to go now. I'm going to have 60 seconds, and you're going to have 60 seconds, to figure out what this movie is, okay? All right. And let me see. I've got to find my deal here. I messed this up. All right. Okay. So I've got 60 seconds. Wait. Jason? It's on your page 10, I believe. On the right-hand side. Timer. There it is. Okay. So we got 60 seconds, and it's charades, and it's a movie. And I'll do my best for you, okay? As soon as you know what it is, if you think you know what it is, Bobby, yell it out, okay? All right. All right. And here we go. Four words. First word. He's waving. He's waving. Oh, I'll see you later. It's like he's leaving. Leaving. Is he leaving? Is that it? Yeah? No? He's going somewhere. He's going. Going.

1:30:07Gone. Gone. Gone is the word. Gone is the first word. Fourth word. Blowing wind. Wind. Wind is the third word. Oh, my gosh. I said no way. Awesome. Awesome. Very well done, Bobby. Hang on the line, okay? All right. Good job, Mike. Oh, I get freaked out. I get freaked out. Who's next? L-O-B? Tiana, you want to go? I'll go, I'll go. All right, Sienna's going. Sienna's going. I've got to turn the mics off so I don't hear, I don't hear, I don't hear, I don't hear, I don't hear. And let's see. Gabby, are you there? Gabby from Oceanside? I'm here. Hi, Gabby. I'm going to be your eyes, and I'm going to describe to you whatever I see. Sienna's going to act it out. Are you ready? I'm ready. We've got 60 seconds. Here we go. Oh, wait. Why is that not playing? Okay, here we go. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, four words. Fourth word. Something's coming down. Something is raining down. Rain. No, no. Rain is the word. Rain is the word. The fourth word. First word now. Sing. Sing. Sing a song. This is way too easy. Oh, I'm so stoked. This is great.

1:31:26All right, L.O.B., come on, kid. You won. Hang on a line, Gabby. Oh, this is the funnest this has ever been for me. I'm actually able to do it. All right, he's telling her the movie, telling her the movie. Let's find our next contestant, and it is M1 Shara from Mission Valley. Are you there, Shara? Shara? Shara? Is it Shara or Shara? Sarah? Sarah? Oh, I hear her. I know. Are you there? You just coughed. Are you there? Hi, Sarah? You're from Mission Valley. Are you pranking us? Oh, she's on the different line. Line three. Is this Sarah from Mission Valley? Sarah. It is Sarah. Yes. So there was a Sarah and a Sarah. Okay, gotcha. All right, L.O.B. is going to act this movie out for you, and we will have 60 seconds to get it. Here we go. Three words. Third word. Oh, cradle. Cradling. Baby. Baby is the third word. Second word. Money. Money earning. She's opening a wallet. She's pulling out money. She pulled out a dollar. She pulled out a dollar. Dollar is the word. Dollar is the word. Million dollar. Yeah. You got it. You got it. Wow. Oh, I love it. I love it. Hang on the line, Shara. That is.

1:32:55Great. That's how it's supposed to be done right there. That's some good radio charades. Man. That is some good radio charades. Nerve wracking. Okay, let's see. So do you guys remember Richard Henney? Does that name ring a bell? Heaney. Richard Heaney? Yeah, the kid in the balloon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Richard Heaney was the father. A balloon boy. Guy is a clown. Certified. Total and complete clown. Clown college graduate. That was like last year's number one Halloween costume. Balloon boy. Yeah, balloon boy. And L.O.B.'s right. He went to the University of Clown. Yes. Clown you. And he was a Ph.D., I think. I think he graduated magna cum laude. Cum laude. It was the clown university. Now, if you don't remember, he pulled a prank on America and said, That his son, and I mean, dude, they were like tracking it live. This balloon had gone up in the air and he lied and said his son was on it. Lunatic. And what he actually did was he hid his son in the attic just so that he could get publicity for this invention, this balloon that he had made. And then do you remember when they asked him about it on the Today Show? It came out live on television, on CNN.

1:34:13And they questioned him about it on the Today Show. His son was so nervous, he actually got sick. Okay, Lee Cowan, thank you very much. The Heaney family is with us now. Richard and Mayumi, six-year-old Falcon, and his brothers Ryu and Bradford. Good morning to you all. Ryu, Falcon. Bradford. And Bradford. What's Ryu? Good morning. It's like sometimes if you use Tupperware. You can re-you it. Some of us do. Don't throw it away, just re-you it. Good morning. Richard, I want to give you a chance to help clarify some of the questions surrounding Falcon and this balloon and the disappearance of your little boy last night that are swirling around this morning, and they all revolve around something that Falcon said last night on Larry King Live. So let me play you that soundbite first, and then we'll talk about it on the other side. He's asking Falcon, did you hear us calling your name at any time? You did? You did? Oh, gosh. Why didn't you come out? You guys said that we did this for the show. Richard, I know you've had all night to talk about this with your family. What did Falcon mean when he said we did this for a show? Well, sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. There's a delay over here. There's a delay. I can't.

1:35:41But anyway, thank you for having us. First of all, let's clarify. He's six. Ah, the old age card. Yeah. You know, the question he was being answered. He did answer other questions kind of on the same level. But after the initial interview with all the people out in front, I told him. His son is now beginning to get sick. My kids and my wife to come inside. And I looked behind me. They weren't there. So then I go over to open the garage, and Falcon's climbing up in the joist in the attic space, and Rapper's there. So then I look to the right, and there's like 30 press people there. And anyway, somebody had asked him if he would show them how he got in the attic. So he was obliging him, and one of the guys told him it was for some...

1:36:41One of the guys told me it was for some TV show. Are you nuts? Stop. I know. Your kid is throwing up, dude. Stop. That's what he was referring to when he made that statement. Somebody's laughing. Yeah, because it's ridiculous. It's completely ridiculous. The sheriff's office said last night that they believe your account of what happened, but they do want to question you a little bit more today, Richard, as well. I remember seeing it live, and I was like, are you? kidding me with this right now. How about you see if your kid is okay? He's a monster. He's a monster. He now has a new product called the Bear Scratch. Now, I want you to ask yourself as you listen to this, do you think that he's operating on a full deck? Oh, yeah. Like a Bob Dylan song. If you itch like the son of a twitch, there's only one thing to do the job. Hi, I'm inventor Richard Heaney. If you itch like a son of a twitch, then you need my latest invention, the Pat and Penny. The looks on the faces of Zienna and Woods and Jay and Lello B right now are priceless. Bear Scratch. Check it out. You never walk out in the woods and see a bear bring off a brace to scratch his back. No, he uses the entire tree. Order it at bearscratch.com. The secret.

1:38:07Imagine that's your dad. I want to look at it. That's why the kid is growing up. Yeah, he's like, that's my dad. Yeah. Textured wood and all these tiny knots. It gives you a deep, deep, penetrating scratch. Oh, man, this thing feels good. This thing's strong. Oh, God. Now that's a bear scratch. That is a bear scratch. Save that. Save that. Save that. For sure. We've got to isolate. That's a bear scratch. That's a bear scratch. That's a bear scratch. Holy cow. What an idiot. Now that's a bear scratch. That is a bear scratch. This thing feels good. That's what I'm talking about. One move for a 36-inch groove. Keep on thatching for a full scratching. What? Keep on thatching. Oh. For a full scratch. Shouldn't that guy be in jail? What's he doing making bear scratches? I know. He was for a while. Oh, my God. Not long enough, apparently. He was in jail for a while. I'm looking it up. Wow. He sounds pretty, you know, normal, though, right? It looks like a typical back scratcher. Yep, there it is. Oh, my gosh. He's got the kid in the video with him. Yeah, if you itch like a son of a twitch. Wow. Dude, it's there. It's 20 bucks. It looks...

1:39:30It literally looks like you're hanging a small tree in your house. Where is it? Oh, you hang it on the wall? Yeah. And then you back up against it and you rub your back against it. I want one. Maybe we get one for in here. I'll get us one for Christmas. Do not encourage that, man. Well, as much of a bonehead as he is, I think I want one. No, you don't. We're going to get one for Christmas and put it in the air. Oh, that'd be funny to have one in here. I have a bear scratch in here. Rebecca would slit your throat and play in your blood if you brought that home to put on your wall. Oh, yeah. That would never fly. No. Just would never fly. She would never hang it for you is the problem. I wonder what would actually... I'm going to do it. Maybe she isn't listening right now. I'm gonna actually get a bear scratch and I'm gonna hang it in the most...

1:40:15Obvious place. The fireplace. Right next to the fireplace. I'm going to drill it into the wall. Are you going to have me come over and drill it into the wall? Jay's going to drill it into the wall. Yeah, Jay will come over. You'll have it drilled into the wall. I'll have it drilled into the wall. Right above the head of your bed. Oh, my gosh. Hold on a second, honey. LLB, I would think you would like it. No. Just scratch it up real good? She doesn't like who it's from. No, not at all. And plus, it looks like a piece of junk. No, it looks like it'll scratch it up. Scratch it up real good. I just got a chair like that. There. Here we go. You itch all the time. That might, yeah. Perfect for you. Scratch that itch. Make your body twitch. Son of a twitch. Are you a crack? She likes the fellas black. It does. True. Oh, when a scratchy comes along, she must itch it. And even if there's nothing wrong, she must itch it. Oh, when she's eating egg food young, she eat chopsticks. Now itch it. Now I'm itchy. L-O-B. L-O-B. Scratch it up. Mental cases. Don't throw it. Crack head. Get it infected. If you have to, just itch it. Itch it good.

1:41:30I always laughed if she's eating at Foo Young's and never noticed it said chopstick it. If you're eating at Foo Young, you chopstick it. You chopstick it instead of a bear scratch. I really want to see where you guys are with this email. Mikey, I've been listening to your show for a long time now and I think you guys might be able to help me. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost six months and I'm really starting to think that he's the one. There's one recent problem. I'm an actress, just landed my first leading role in a low-budget film. He has a real problem with the love scene I have to do with my co-star, my male co-star. He's so against me doing this that he's threatening to break up with me if I go through with it. I understand that it must be difficult for him, but I've been acting for the last 10 years, and this is my first big gig. How in the world do I choose between my passion and my man? Please tell me you guys have some advice. M1 Hollywood. Well, M1 Hollywood, this guy is not the guy for you. And you are not the guy for him. Girl. A girl for him. Wow. Yeah, you're not the guy for him. Uh-oh. You're not the girl for him. That makes me very sad to hear you say that. It's M1 Hollywood. Yeah, it sounds like you guys are wrong for each other. But this is not going to be popular. I know that. But I'm like, really? With the low-budget film?

1:42:58Oh, my. You're going to be in a movie with Clooney. Fine. You have to start somewhere. Maybe you start and you're not making out. Did you start in the number? 16 Radio Market? No, I didn't. You started in Rochester. Right, but what if it meant that I had to make out with somebody, you know, they'd be like, hey, listen, if you're making out in San Diego, which is a big city. That's acting, though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's acting. That's her gig. Yeah, can you imagine what a diva you'd sound like? I'll only kiss if I can kiss Clooney. Right. There's no way. Bro, that guy? Insecure clown. But I kind of get your point, Mike, because there's a lot, like, when I see that kind of stuff. I don't know. It just depends on how tasteful it is. You're an actress. Listen, listen. I know, but I'm saying I haven't done it. Let's call a spade a spade. Okay. Howard Stern said that when he filmed the movie Private Parts, he was all into making out with that girl. 100%. He goes, I'm going to tell you the truth. You know what? He's not an actor. He goes, I'm going to tell you the truth. He goes, this whole stuff from actors where they say this is my craft and this is my, he goes, they're all full of it. They're turned on when they're doing it.

1:44:04How could you not be if there's some really hot girl? I don't think I'm insecure. I wouldn't date an actress. I would never date an actress because I know what the deal is. I couldn't do it. If I were an actor, which I would love to be, by the way, I would love to be involved with film. I love film. I would love to be a director. I'd love to be an actor. But I couldn't do a love scene because I know what the real deal is. Well, that's not the real deal for everybody. I've had to kiss people on screen. Were they good looking? No. Okay, there you go. Not good looking to her. If you were kissing Ty Diggs. I guess it might be. I don't know. I've been terrified about that particular situation. I usually look at the castings and if it involves any sort of partial nudity, anything like that. What if you're in a movie with Dennis Rodman? It'd be a whole different story. Think about how many actors end up dating their co-star after a movie. Think about how many that don't. Jennifer Aniston, totally insecure. She's just insecure because she didn't want her husband making out with Angelina Jolie. Look how many of those marriages and relationships last. But that just shows that they were turned on and they obviously liked what they were doing.

1:45:16Not all of them, but yeah. I think the guy's a wuss. Really? That's what the girl loves to do. Let her do it. Come on. He can't say that he would break up with her. I'd be like, yeah, that's what you do for a living. Knock yourself out. She has to make a decision what she wants more, the relationship or the movie role. Yeah, go for your career. Yeah, go with the career. Cut 26, pal. Go ahead. Take four. Take fate. Five. Take nine. Take 22. Usually they're pretty quick with those scenes, though. They try to do them in as few takes as possible. I think I messed that one up. Can we try one more time? Go ahead and take your top off one more time. Let's get this right. What about a body devil? I don't think I really got the right emotion here. Can we just try it for an 18th time? There's something underlying in this email that we're not talking about. What? That the boyfriend is probably like... It's a friggin B movie. It's a low budget movie and now that's what you have to do. That's what I said. Like, no, but I mean, he's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:46:15It's not like George Clooney. Right, it's not like George Clooney, right. But, I mean, hey, like Sienna said, you've got to start somewhere. Yeah, and you never know when a low-budget movie is going to make it into the big leagues. Look at Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah, look at Napoleon Dynamite. Well, you can look at a script. There's a billion of those. You can look at a script and be like, is this something that would be seen, that could possibly be seen, or is this just another notch in the belt to be like, I've got experience on my resume. It's when released on VHS. Leading role. It sounds like it's maybe her first leading role. Low budget turds. I know. That's not going to go anywhere else. I mean, at that point, like, do you call it a leading role? Like, you know who's in a leading role? Angelina Jolie is in a leading role. You can be in a middle school play and have a leading role. Absolutely. I just think the bottom line is you need to be with someone that supports you no matter what. And if you're going to be doing acting and that's your passion, then you're going to have a lot more. situations like this and this guy needs to have your back all right well we're getting phone calls from serious thespians okay all right so we're going to talk to some m1 eric from san diego yeah hi hi the deal isn't the sex scene itself or the kissing and making out and all that it's not about nudity on the screen the relationship happens as with especially when you see it on like with angelina and whoever because they're hanging out for 10 12 weeks for

1:47:37for six months at a time in pre-production. 16-hour days. Long days, really tired. And who are you with the whole time? They're super cool. Actors are pretty cool people. Really nice people that get you. You understand each other. And you just... get to know each other, you like each other, and then it's all over. It's not the sex scene that does it. Not at all. Why would anybody even think that the... It's like sprinkles. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, you're spending all that time together and all that stuff, which I agree with him, by the way. Yeah, that's a good point. I just don't think it hurts that you're also doing eight shots in the shower where you guys are making out. That doesn't hurt either in terms of the chemistry. Well, look at Craig Gass. Craig Gass was in here. He did a day on Sex and the City, and he had to do some pretty graphic stuff with one of the actresses from Sex and the City. And, I mean, they're not dating. They didn't date. I mean, that was what he did. Well, my point isn't that every time. No, I said she swings the other way. Oh, okay. Yeah, she is. And he said he wasn't attracted to her. Right. Yeah. So it is possible. I mean, you can be an actor and not want to. You can. Look at Rock Hudson. Who's that? The gay actor.

1:48:44Who used to be a leading man with women. With Doris Day. Yeah. But this guy, her boyfriend is not an actor, so he doesn't understand what it's like to kiss someone on command, you know? Hey, Kevin Spacey, if you are attracted, I don't know. I'm quote unquote an actress. I use the term loosely because what have I been in recently? But I'm terrified. I've never done like an actual love scene. I've always been like, well, what would I do when faced with it? Because. You do. Yeah, and what would you do if you were actually attracted to the dude? I know. I've thought about it. You know what I mean? And what would you think if your boyfriend was an actor and you know full well the chick that he's with and the scene is great looking? Like, there's not even a question. It's not like, are you attracted to her? You don't have to ask. You know it. You kind of have to just be secure with yourself if you're the boyfriend, though. You know what I mean? If you're dating at that guy. I'm not that secure. Me either. I'm not that secure. I am that secure. I'm not really that secure. I'm that secure. Sienna and I are. No, I would hate it if I had to see Todd do that, but I wouldn't date an actor, period, because I would know that that's kind of something you may have to deal with in the future. I'd be fine. Dude. I'd be fine with it.

1:49:58If your wife were an actress right now... I'd be fine with it. Yeah, she's just got a role, and guess who her leading man is going to be? She's making out with Johnny Depp. I'd be like, nice, how is that? I heard she's looking for a job. I'm actually hiring actresses this weekend. So she's got a little time on her hands. Seriously, knowing me, just the way I am, I would be like... You got to make out with Johnny Depp. I'm telling you. How is that? I would. I'd be like, that's rad. Good for you. Those are the people, though, the ones that aren't like, well, well, I can't believe you're doing that. Oh, my gosh. You know, those are the ones that don't get cheated on. The ones that are secure that don't say anything. No. Yes. Everybody gets cheated on. Everybody has the possibility of getting cheated on whether you're insecure or not. Well, that's true. But I think the more you're like, well, I don't. And you're complaining. I think you're more likely to get cheated on, honestly. That's her craft, pal. That's what she does. Now. This is a question. This is a fair question. You used to run a different type of radio show. Yeah. And you used to have relationships with women at the time when you ran these shows, right? Yeah. Did you catch a lot of grief? They were with me in the room half the time. No. Dude, honestly. I never saw Rebecca at a Free Beer Friday. Okay, Rebecca, you didn't, but that's because we were in Dallas. Right. But when I was here, I dated all the producer girls that I had. Right, but if you would have girls or strippers or something in, wouldn't that be like?

1:51:12Did you ever catch flack about that? No. But if Rebecca were being honest with you right now, she would probably call you and she would say, I despised it. The only reason she didn't tell me was because she didn't want to be viewed as insecure. That's good that she was able to hold it in. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. And never was there a problem. You can be uncomfortable and still be a little... Even if she had said it, it wouldn't have changed something in me. You know what I mean? Like I was going to do it no matter what. You would have been more aware of the fact that, oh, these girls are in here though. Like it's, it's, it sounds weird, but I swear it's true. Well, apparently I read an article that Jessica Biel was coming on set because Justin Timberlake was in a movie with Cameron Diaz and they had to be all like flirty and stuff. Yeah. And she was like on set, arms crossed. And it was like, oh, Jessica's insecurity is pushing Justin away. And it probably was. Probably was. Yeah. It probably wasn't. Probably was. Justin's like, really? You can't even trust your man? It's not trust. It is. That's his ex, though. Oh, I understand. I would be right there with Jessica Biel. I kind of like it. I kind of like it. What? That she was doing that. Yeah. Shows that she's like, it's my man. I like that. I'd be crazy. Let's turn on.

1:52:32Such a turn on. I could not do it. Yeah, Rebecca's in here sitting in that chair behind you watching every move you make. Big turn on. If I was an actor and she came on the set because she knew I was going to be making out with chicks, turn me on. A lot of significant others do that. This is my place of business. If she gave me grief, yes, it would be a turn on. I think Jada Pinkett was there when Will Smith... Did who scenes? Nobody gonna touch my man. I'll tell you right now. Ain't nobody gonna get my man. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Nobody gonna touch my man. If Todd was standing behind me while I changed Woods' diaper, I'd be like, you're not the man for me. Get out of here. She wouldn't. What? There is a coven of witches in Ohio that put a curse on LeBron James, and it is truly a stunning piece of audio. We actually have it as audio, and you'll hear it next. Nice, Woods.

1:54:06Really? Clown. God bless. I didn't play that, FYI. Hey, Mikey. Jason Derulo. I thought I heard you guys say that your studio audience should dress up on Friday, but you didn't mention it yesterday. Should we? Yes. How about a best costume prize? Thanks, peace and love. M1, teacher on a break. Now that is a grand idea. Yeah. Do we have a prize? Sure. Carl's Jr. Yeah, we'll give him a chicken sandwich. Chicken, chicken. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. We could probably come up with some cool prize. How about Angel or Anarchy Sunglass? That's nice. We could do that. Here we go. Yeah. Knock yourself out with the dressing up, by the way. Yeah, just have a ball. Yeah, dress up on Friday. You're dressing up. What am I dressing up as? A strawberry? Oh, my gosh. A green legging. You know what I have? I have some extra diapers in here. You can come as a baby. How about a burro? You need two people for that. Who's the guy that brings the coffee with the burro? Juan Valdez. How about the grapes from Fruit of the Loom?

1:55:22You're a clown. Would be the greatest thing ever. Mike, what if you were the guy on the Tapatio bottle? You could. You're Joe Cholula. And you could have, like, little, what are they, they put guns in, holsters? Yeah. Like a belt with Tapatio. So huge. You could sit your nose on the microphone. Let's have some ideas texted in for what Mike should be for Halloween. All right. Fine. You're dressing up. If you don't, I'm not going to participate in the show. Yes, you are. No, I'm leaving. Yeah, but everything you say doesn't hold any weight because yesterday you said that we would go and we would get... But I was sick. I was sick. I wouldn't make you go somewhere if you weren't feeling good. You ever say things when you don't meet them? I was really sick. Let's go today. Okay, after we get out of our meeting. We will. I'll go with you. Will we? There's so many costumes there. We'll find you a little strawberry or a little pumpkin or something. I'm not going to be a strawberry. Will you please be a strawberry? He's so adorable. That would be awesome. Mikey, I googled what kind of perfume. I don't like to go places alone. That's the only reason. I don't like to be alone. I'm going to be standing there like, come on, dude, just pick one. That's why he knew he had to say that. Any of you guys can go with me. Any one of you can go. I wish I knew I had to quit you.

1:56:39I prefer going places alone. No, I don't. Just get in, get out. No. Mikey, I googled what kind of perfume Taylor Swift uses, and someone said it's La Prairie's Midnight Rain from the September 21st issue of Us Weekly. It's at Nordstrom. Well, so we'll go to Nordstrom first. I want to smell that, and then I want to go. My brother said that he met Katy Perry, and he said he has never. smelled somebody that smells better than Katy Perry. Really? Yeah, he said, never in my life. Just because she kissed a girl if she liked it. Dead air. She's so sexy, I think. Really? Yes. I think she has the best body. She is slamming. Yeah. I want to squeeze them. Naturally, yeah. Every night from the, like, motorboat mouth down is good. That's until the cows came home. I'll tell you that right now. All right, you ready for this? Mike's like moving on. Well, Jamie's in an interview, so. Oh, yeah, there you go. Say whatever I want. It wouldn't stop you. That's true. What are you going to be like when she gets this job and she's not listening? Oh, a giant creep. Are you kidding? I can't wait. Oh, boy. I can't wait either. And everyone will know who the biggest creep on the show is. L-O-B first. No. Jay second. Woods third. No. I don't remember what it was.

1:58:07But last week I was sitting here and it was off the air and you said something. I don't even remember what it was. You're looking at L.O.B. Yeah, it was L.O.B. And she said something. It was off the air. It almost knocked you down. I remember I put my hands on my head and I was like, oh my God. I just say things for shock value. I don't mean it. Me too, L.O.B. You guys remember that I'm back and I have my hidden recorder. Oh, no. Oh, yay. It's on. That's right. It's always on. Woods is a new spit cup. I do. How very nice and thoughtful of him. That is nice because yesterday L.O.B. accidentally drank it. Did you see my recap? I drank my own yesterday after I woke up from a nap. Karma. I got paid back not once but twice. Yeah, you did. Oh, man. You ever drink your teammate's spit real good? Gosh, gross. That would ruin my week, man. Okay, so this is a coven of witches in Ohio that put a curse on LeBron James. This is what it sounded like. We're here to set LeBron James straight, and with your help, seal his fate. Does it have to rhyme, you think? Yeah, it does have to rhyme. All good spells rhyme. All good spells rhyme.

1:59:25And weave it well to send LeBron. It sounds like... The haikus? No, no. It sounds like TomTom Girl a little bit. Oh, my gosh. Back to hell. Did that make them vomit? He break his bones one by one. One by one. I have more deflection than that, Mikey. You do, TomTom Girl. That's a little excessive, no? Yeah. Tie a knot against the king. That's freaking Tom Tom. I am not against the king. May he die without a ring. May he die without a ring. It sounds like Woods in the background. It is. I was there. He was actually there. I'm in that coven. It sounds like you're yelling. Those witches are like dudes. It sounded like. They're warlocks. As I listened to that, I was like, man, I barely had time yesterday to make a sandwich for lunch. Seriously. Let alone. get together with my coven to put a spell on LeBron James. And make it rhyme. And make it rhyme. I mean, barely for that sandwich. I was like, do I have time? I think I can make this sandwich. Imagine you have enough time to where you're like, Phil, do you want to write the LeBron curse?

2:00:44Well, I know Steve usually writes him, but he's sick. I got it. Are you sure? Yeah, we're good. Okay, cool. Call Lauren, call Sienna, get him over there. We'll get him over. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You said Wednesday, and I know Lauren bowls that night. Can we do it Friday? We are in Ohio. Look, guys, I have to set the cauldron. Let me know. I need to know now. I need to know now. Because he's got to get the wood. The cat foot. And the cat foot. Yeah, the cat foot. Like, that's the argument. One night, Jay finally loses it, and he's like, you know what, guys? I wasn't going to bring this up, but one day notice for that freaking cauldron is not cutting it. It's not cool. It's freaking not cool. Somebody's like, what? What's the problem? I'll tell you what, what. I'm busting my ass here to be the best freaking coven leader. I'm the only person in this coven that freaking cares. I'm the only one that gives an ass about this thing. I have to store and tow this cauldron. And, you know, I have to let it cool after you guys leave. I'm here for another hour and a half as it cools down. But that's cool. You guys just go to games. I'm a ball. Grand slam on me. Yeah, I'll just let the thing cool off and load it again. Back in my Accord. Oh, my God. He's driving around Akron with a...

2:02:03carpool in his Honda Accord. He leaves a really spunky voicemail for one of them. He's like, hey, Tanya. I went to carpool, but I have this cauldron in my back seat. You guys all get to ride together. Passive aggressive. Yeah, a real passive aggressive bit. Yeah, I'll be there, but I'll be there late because I have to bring the cauldron. Again. Maybe you bring your own broom next time, Woods. Oh, no, no, no. You know what? I got it. You borrow mine. I got it. Got it. Why not? That's a fantastic bit is Woods in a Coven. Like Woods Angry in a Coven. No, no, no. You know what? Happy birthday, pal. Use my cat's tail. Oh, man. All right. So there's that. And then, okay, so we got Lauren does this thing now. It's things that Lauren wants to vote on. All right? She wants to vote on these things. Yeah, I think we should ask society. What do you think? Majority rules. Should these be included or out? All right. Now, we will represent. The voters. The voters here. And there's five of us. All right. So, ten things LOB wants to vote on. But wait. What? LOB is already voting. Have you already voted them out since you put them on the list? I have. So, if we come to a standstill, I guess we're just at an impact. Chris. No. Chris, give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Purple highlighters. I'm.

2:03:28I am... Okay, I'm talking dark purple. I know. Dark purple. I rarely use purple, but I will go to the purple highlighter at times. Somebody write that down for Mikey. I rarely use purple. It blocks everything out. Yep. I vote yes, we keep them. Woods, do you vote them in? I'm in. You vote keep. Look it, I demonstrated. Perfect. I'm in. I vote them out. I vote them out. Chris is in. Chris is out. So, purple highlighters stay. They stay? Okay. LOB wants to vote out doctor's paperwork. Hang on. I know your instant reaction is going to be to vote this out. Hang on. Okay. I believe it's necessary. Okay. With everything that we have nowadays, like you can go to any website, Amazon, whatever, they remember all your information. You sign in once, it's got your entire life on file. Why can't it just be on your little health card? Everything they need to know. Everything you need. Your address. They scan it. Your medical history.

2:04:31If anything's changed, hey, excuse me, I need to make an addendum. You know what, LB? Why couldn't you do it online? You update your information online. They swipe your card. Well, I went yesterday to the doctor. I wrote everything down, and so the doctor walks in, and he asks me all the questions again. Exactly. Why did I take the time if you're going to ask me again? I've been lobbied. Vote. I vote him out. I vote him out. I want to keep him in. I'm out. I think it's important. I don't care how many times I have to write it. It's my doctor. Doctor's paperwork is gone. Can't wait to go again. Speed bumps. I absolutely 100% vote to keep them in. I don't want little ruffians speeding up and down the streets. I would rather have stop signs than speed bumps. It's the bump of the... Okay, now I've got this little tiny car and it bumps and everything falls. If you're in the back seat and you go over a speed bump, Oh, forget it. You're going too fast. Yeah, you're going too fast. They're needed. I'm all in. I would rather have a stop sign than a speed bump. I vote for more speed bumps. Mikey in. Woods in. Out. Sienna out. Jay? I'm all in on speed bumps. Chris is in. Speed bumps stay. You guys are sticklers. Oh my gosh. I like the stop sign better. I can't believe that LOB wants to get rid of this next item. Cologne and perfume samples in magazines. Mikey. Make your argument.

2:05:51They smell like glue and paper. They never smell like the actual scent. Disagree. Love them. Love them. I love them. I vote to keep them in. Get them out of there. Really? They're not the real smell. All the way in. Me too. I walk around smelling like CK1 because I picked up a Cosmo. I'll rub it on me. Makes me want to love the magazine. I'll put it on my pillow. I rub it on me. I've done that a million times. What he's doing, I've done a million times. It's like glue. Delicious. It smells like... Dulce and Gabbana, you keep them in? They never smell the same. You're always going to go to the store and sample them. I'm in 100%. Oh, boy. Yeah, they're in. There's more guys than girls. If there were more girls, then we would win. Okay. That smells good. I smell good. I smell like Matthew McConaughey. I'm going to take my shirt off. Easy topper. He's the dude on the ad. You smell like a black and white photo standing next to a barrel. A barrel. All right, here's another thing LLB once voted on. Flyers on windshields. Out. Out. Out. Yep. Out. Unanimous. It should be against the law. It really should. Totally agree. It wastes paper. I'm also out on people who don't grab them off there and drive down the road and let them fly off. Sometimes you don't see it. I might do that. Yeah, I don't see it. Sometimes I don't see it until I'm going 75. Sometimes I don't. You see it. You see it.

2:07:11You just don't want to waste the time to reach out. What you do is you put the windshield on and you grab it. I like to see how long I can go with it on my windshield. Once I'm already in the car and then I notice it, it's like, ugh, I don't want to get back out. If it rains and then that flyer was already on your window, now you've got paper mache. You know what would be great? It would be great to be at IKEA where they do it, right? And you're hiding behind the car. Yeah. Let's do that. We should do that. Yeah, we should. We should do it on video and we have a bullhorn. Just scare the crap out of you. Come right behind them. What are you doing? Even though I'm out on it. Get away from my car. I've done it. I've done it before where I was doing this surf trip down to Mexico and I went flyering along the beach with these cars. Don't you dare say how well it works. And it killed it for me. But I was nervous the whole time. That's what we do. Scare me to death. We should do a bit where we tell him it's against the law and we write him a fake ticket. That's hysterical. Sir, can you come here for a sec? I'll do it. That'd be like a jackass type thing. I'll dress up like a cop with the mirrored sunglasses. Short shorts. On a bike. On a Segway. Excuse me. The next item to be voted on. The View.

2:08:35Out. Out. Out. We all vote that out. Bunch of hens. Okay. It's done. Thank God. LOB wants to vote on Hummers for civilians. I'm out. They should be available to the military only. And those like the old school ones. Not the new ones. I disagree. I disagree. Hummers are fine. No, they're not. For whoever wants them. Yeah, I guess they're okay. Let's take a vote. Don't you waver. I'm wavering. Out. Out. Out says Chris. They're voted out. Hummers are voted out. Get a real desert beast if you're going to get something like that. Sorry, Steve. Steve's my brother. He drives a Hummer. Ten things L.O.B. wants to vote on. Roll up windows? In cars. Oh, instead of the... Automatic. They still make those available as a feature. Why bother? Automatic. It's cheaper, though. Sometimes they break. The roll-up always works. Sometimes they break. But they have the motors that the roll-up windows are made on are like little plastic things. So if they break, too, you're out. There's nothing worse than when you have the roll-up windows and someone pulls up on the passenger side. It's like, hey, do you know? And you're like, hold on. Lean over. No way. Out. Yeah, out. I'm out on the roll-up. All right, fine. How much does it really save you? 200 bucks when you're dealing with like thousands of dollars? You're probably right. Thousands of dollars. Oh.

2:10:07The 80s fashion resurgence. I voted out. Out. I don't know what that is. 80s fashion coming back? 80s fashion coming back. There's some things I like. You like it? Some things. I don't like wear it. Do you like the Ray-Bans? Yeah. How about the colored sides? See, not for me. I would never do it, but I'm not mad at the people that do. See, I only said Ray-Bans because that's the only one I like. I think I like your bold gestures. I like their bigger now, too, the red ones. The big, bright colors and the off-the-shoulder bit. I like the off-the-shoulder. I like the off-the-shoulder, yeah. Who doesn't like the off-the-shoulder? I don't. I think I want to re-vote. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. Out. In. Yes. Oh, wow. 80s fashions makes it. Last one. Lime-flavored candy. I'm in. I love it. Out. 100%. Out. I don't even know if I've had it, but I'm in. It's disgusting. You guys need two people in the world that like it? It doesn't even taste like lime. Well, I'm Mexican, so there's no way around it. You put lime on everything. You put lime on chocolate. You guys are the two people in the world that like lime-flavored candy. Hey, babe, I'm having a banana. We got any limes? Limes? Yeah, I'm out. Limes I'm in on. Lime-flavored candy tastes like Windex. All right, so these are the things that didn't make it. Doctor's paperwork, flyers on windshields, The View, Hummers for civilians, and roll-up windows. Be glad if all of those were gone. All right.

2:11:3049 most influential dudes in America. We'll do that. We're reaching the topic jar. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Boinga, boinga. Dead Man's Party. Apple says there's a secret button sequence that bypasses iPhone's security passwords. Even if you have a password, you can... Apparently this will bypass. I love it. Mikey did it. I didn't do it. Sienna, how do you feel about this song? Love it. Yeah. I just really like John Mayer. It's a great song. Yeah. I said last time Lauren did that, I go, even when Lauren does it, I like it. Even when she imitates John Mayer, I'm like, oh yeah, it's nice. Sounds good. I like that. Whatever that noise is in the back, I love. Isn't it just hauntingly delicious when he goes, I like that.

2:12:55It reminds me of Steel. Crazy. Yes. I'm pretty sure the only reason girls date him is because of the way he sings. I don't think he's very good looking. No. His personality's not great, but the singing, it's like... Slay you. See, I think he can destroy the guitar, but his singing leaves something to be desired. If you want more love, LLB, why don't you just say so? He says, shake. He's got a little bit of a speech impediment. No, he doesn't. He's got a D-bag in the head of it. He would get Lauren O'Brien so fast. In a heartbeat. If you met him backstage. No chance. No chance. 1,000%. 1,000%. Is there possible to be infinity percent? Yes. Right now there is. I do not traditionally fall for musicians. I don't. I don't. Mikey is under the desk. His feet are up by the microphone. I know. I know that Matt, I know that Matt, my last one. There's nothing better than if a guy can sing to you. You're like, but you know that what comes along with it. How dare you?

2:14:09How dare you? You know what comes along with it. It's the same reason you don't want to date an actress. Yeah, I don't fall for hot blondes with big jokes. It's different. You know what? I don't traditionally fall for really good looking blonde women. I just, you know, traditionally. Why do they have to be blonde? Yeah. That's why we both married. We both married blondes. Wait a minute. It's totally different. I'm not saying I don't traditionally fall for... dark, handsome men. I do. Dark, handsome men. I do. I'm not saying that Nubian men are the only men that I... I'm saying, though, you guys are comparing that to physical qualities. The musician carries some of the same baggage that you were talking about with an actress. I'm not saying I want to be dropped off in an African village or anything. I didn't say that. Listen. John Mayer. Tall. He's not ugly. Generally egotistical. Oh, please. Not when he's doing his girl thing. That kid's got a mouthpiece. John Mayer is someone you want to just have fun with. Whoa. And not... John Mayer came up to you backstage and he was doing his thing and he was like, so hey. So hey, Lauren. I would be like, nice skinny jeans, dork. And he'd probably say something really funny and quippy back. Trust me, I've been back. I used to work in the ballet app.

2:15:33John Mayer is in a whole other category of... Of DB-ery? You know, I think... Listen, I think John Mayer might be able to close the deal with me or Woods or Jay. 100%. Oh, yeah. It's because you guys are sad. We'd be like, oh my gosh. He's too manly for me. I didn't realize he was so tatted. I saw a picture. He's tatted? He's so cool. I didn't realize how cool he was. He has two. One on each side. John Mayer? Yes. Butterflies all the way down. Yeah. Butterflies. And Heartbreak Warfare on the other one. I would not picture that dude to have tattoos. Sleeved up. I saw a picture yesterday. Wow. Sleeved up. Real good. He's just trying to follow with what's cool. Maybe quit stalking him, Woods. I know. Me and John Mayer and Taylor Swift. Something's the matter with that. Here we go. I got a picture. I have a picture right here of his tattoos. Let's see. No way. Yeah, dude. Sleeved up. Full sleeve. It's full on. Both arms. Wow. You had no idea, did you?

2:16:32No, and I mean it's like sleeved. Sleeved, sleeved. It's like black sleeved. Yeah, I like it. It's really tough singing that heartbreak warfare. Not bad at that. Singing about mothers be good to your daughters. Fathers. Oh, that's the worst. Nothing wrong with those songs at all. I like that song. I like daughters. That song is the worst. I listened to one John Mayer song three times driving in today. He just repeats himself incessantly. It's so good. All of them. I may have cried at some point. Oh, boy. I'm trying to think of the one that I listened to today. It was just so good. You cried? Shh. At a John Mayer song? What, Sienna? It's probably the same song that I'm thinking of. What? It's when you're going through a breakup in the beginning and it says you fall on your knees. Like, is it a dream? What? I forget. Dreaming with a broken heart. If you're dreaming with a broken heart. That's not it. That wasn't it. Oh, it's so good. It was about Rebecca. Oh. Maybe I was drunk. It's about Rebecca? I want to hear if it's about Rebecca. I want to hear it. Yeah. It was... What song? Let's play it. Play it, play it, play it. Play the song. Play the song. Can't. Come on! Can't, can't. Heard that note. Heard that note. Heard that note. What's the name of it? I'll listen to it later. Heard that note. What is it? What's the name of it? No, he's playing it. He can't just change. Yeah, he can't. I'm not backing out of this. We'll just stay silent and then you'll have a show by yourself. Yeah, there you go. Boyz II Men? Boyz II Men? John Legend?

2:18:03Keep going. Keep going. Mike. I want to hear. It's a safe tree. It's a trust tree. Trust tree. Play fern. Play fern. Snapping his fingers. Don't know where you went when you left me back. Says here in the water. Rebecca! Beat make you cry. That's what he was saying. Who is this calling in? Is it the Filet Fern? Is this the Filet Fern? Hello? Hi, Filet Fern. John Mayer again, huh? Never talk about him. Maybe Captain Buzzkill calls in. How about that? What about it? So what? Shut up. Yes, I did. Very manly. Okay, I'm not that manly. Have another cocktail, Mike.

2:19:16Hey, Sienna, glad to have you back. It's the filet friend. All he does is light all of us up. What's up with you? Hey, maybe keep your boobs in your shirt. Maybe they are. I even buttoned an extra button just for you. You don't like to walk into a place of business. You know what? I need to pump. I have a baby at home. Oh, L.O.B. No musicians, huh? I said traditionally. I said traditionally I don't. Hey, Woods, you're a fat slob. See you later. I love the filet fern and hate him at the same time. Filet fern lives at Jay's house. Yeah. He just calls up to filet us. Yeah. Somehow Jay missed out on that. I did. Yeah. I love the filet fern. I just wish he'd talk about everybody else but me. Yeah, light them up. M1 Ninja from Mira Mesa. Yes. Welcome back, Sienna. Thanks. Yes. So I met John Mayer. You did? I'm so lucky. Do you slay him?

2:20:20So let me tell you how it went. So it was back in 2002. I was living in Australia, studying abroad there. Good night. Yeah, good day, mate. How was she? Come on, let her finish. So I was doing this music, and he was playing a free concert at like a Musicland kind of place. Sam Goody, whatever. And we were there, all my American friends hanging out, and we were having him sign our autographs. We come up to his booth, and we're like, ooh, John Mayer, unknown artist. He gives us the what's up head nod. You know, the whole like, hey girls, how you doing? Lucky. And we're like, oh, hee hee hee. And he goes, oh, I saw you girls in the audience. And me and my friends were like, hee hee hee. Okay. And he's like, so, what's up? And we're just kind of like awestruck slash creeped out. Because he was a total creepazoid. So, Elleby, you're so right. How was he creepy? He was just like giving that slime ball like, hey, I'm a musician. I know I am. Do whatever I want. Why do you think guys pick up the guitar? They don't do it to make music and make the world a better place. You do it to get girls, period. That's the only reason that you pick up a guitar. I don't believe. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. I believe that you were like, yeah, you're kind of creepy, but I'm totally into it. I believe that too. I'm sure he was creepy. I believe that you met him and he was coming on to you and you thought it was pretty cool. No.

2:21:47And maybe one of your girlfriends made out. He's greasy. And he wasn't that cute. 100% he wasn't that cute. I believe that. But he still has game. He's got game. He does. Think about the game he has now as opposed to the game he had back then. Unknown artist playing in a Sam Goody. I just spit all over you. Power of the mic. Thank you. Thank you very much. I want to hear from you women out there that have slept with John Mayer. Because I know you're out there. Our phone lines light up. Okay, I like this song. This one's okay to like? I'm not saying you're a big dork if you like John Mayer, but if you're going to be the president of his fan club and like his crappy songs, then... Oh, boy. Why do you like this one? I don't know. The heart wants what it wants. The heart wants what the heart wants. She likes this, but she don't like Heartbreak Hotel. Or Heartbreak Warfare. I like this song. I like the new one with Taylor Swift, The Half of My Heart.

2:22:47I used to really like No Such Thing, but then it got so played out. Have you heard Dreaming with a Broken Heart? Because everyone in here would like Hong Kong. Yeah, I used to play that. Oh, so good. When we did, what was it called? I can't remember what that was. You're probably not allowed to say it anyway. I can't remember. It's very touching. Secret Crush. Secret Crush? You don't remember Secret Crush? No. Yeah, we let people call us. You should bring it back. Call it something else. Maybe Clear Channel sues me. You're going to get a cease and desist. How about Crushing Secrets? Crushing Secrets. Crushing Secrets. Like you showed a love affair. Get some. And one love affair. People would call in or they would write us and they would say that they had a secret crush on somebody and they wanted to let them know on the air. We should have L.O.B. call them and play Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover for now. What about that? Wait, it didn't work for you? No, to this day he doesn't know it was me. We gotta get him on the horn. How can we get him on the horn anyway? I don't know, he's not on Facebook. You played that song for a guy when you were young? Yes. I was on the phone.

2:24:00I'd rock you. And then she hung up. Then she hung up like a creep. Okay, the same guy that I played, I Want You to Want Me. And that one he came to school talking about. This one scared him. Yeah, this one he didn't say a word. Yeah, this one made him cry. This one he thought was like a 40-year-old man that was stalking him. Yet just another piece of gold from the gold pile behind LOB's house. How does that even work? What if his mom answered? She did. I had to call a couple times. Because his mom answered. What was his name? She'd hang up. Oh my. Craig. She's like, Craig! Answer the phone. I'm tired of this crap. Somebody keeps hanging up on me. I think it's for you, Craig, and a girl wants to play a song. Sophie B. Hawkins' song. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. He listened to the whole song. We got to track Craig down. No, we don't. Can't we please? We can ask him if he remembers it. Lauren, please. Think about it. What if he's married? It'll be funny. It's elementary. It'll be funny. I've done it. I regretted it. But you do it.

2:25:05Don't say that, Mike. I did one time. It was the most humiliating thing I ever did. I did it on the air. You did it on the air. It was humiliating. You know the song I played for a girl? You've lost that loving feeling. Yeah, you told us. But not by the Righteous Brothers. By Steve Woods? By The Firm. Jimmy Page and Paul Rogers Band. It was the worst version of it you could ever find. That's the one I went with. But you were like, whatever, Page. Page, yeah, Jimmy Page, so it's gotta be cool. I'm a douche. Oh, wow. Oh. Worked, by the way. Nice. Might have gotten a second base with that girl. Oh, well. Woods is convinced that it's the, you know, it's the pants, it's the, you know. The guitar. The guitar. Doesn't hurt. He pulls out the stops. Yeah, you have to sometimes. All right, this is supposed to be the most influential men, I guess, in the world. According to AskMen.com. Top 10. Graydon Carter. Never heard of him. Me neither. Anybody ever heard of that? No. You idiots. You don't know who Graydon Carter is. Guaranteed. Jose Marino. Nope. Elon Musk. Nope. These are the top 10? Yes. James Franco. Yes. Actor. Great. Great actor. Wow. Lauren just blew up. She loves her some James Franco. You'll know the next six. Drew Brees.

2:26:35Yeah. Okay. Kanye. Yeah. Boo. Steve Jobs. Yep. Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg. Facebook. Yeah. Bill Gates. The number one voted for most influential man. The kid. Jon Stewart. Really? Recently. He's been in the news. Some other people that were on the list. Tom Brady, Ben Affleck, Eminem, Barack Obama. Number 21. He was in the top five last year. Yikes. The guy that created the TV show Mad Men, Matthew Wiener. That's a great show. Matthew Wiener. What was his name again? Matthew Wiener. I'm just going to let it go. I'm going to let it go. There's nothing I can do with it. Dana White. Justin Timberlake. Hugh Jackman. Huge Jackman. Huge and jacked man. He's a clown. David Letterman.

2:27:36Leo DiCaprio, Kobe Bryant, Sean Penn, Steven Slater. Yes, I was ready for that one. No way. Is he really? The JetBlue guy most influential man. More than likely. Wynn Butler from Arcade Fire. Really? That's it. Sorry, Arcade Fire. You'll always be from Canada. All right. Same with Shania Twain, but you still have her in your repertoire. Do I? Let's see. Jay, hi. How you doing? Do I or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we good? No, no, you need a break. Oh, okay. Oh, absolutely you do. Oh, I got to tell you about the Apple and the secret button sequence that apparently lets you break into the phone. Wigs. Three of the nicest guys you could ever meet. Indy Jam, maybe. We got to introduce them, I love you. I like that. Oh, they are good.

2:29:08So Apple says that there's a secret button sequence that will bypass the password that you punch into your phone to keep it secure. Yeah, I was just on my iPhone trying to figure out if it would work on mine, and I couldn't get it to work. I couldn't get it to work on mine either. I don't have the password. I don't ask for people to put in the password before they go on my phone, though. Yeah, you should. I know I should. I don't even know how to figure it out. Well, in case you get it ripped off or something or lost. Well, that's what they're saying. Apparently there is this way, this special code that you can put in onto people's iPhone passwords. And it's no matter what, if you put this on an iPhone, it will get you in, access to their stuff. And they, should I even say? Nah, it has to do with the... Pressing the pound symbol and doing some stuff. Some other stuff. Yeah, up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start. Green, green, green. Now, here's the thing. The new update, if you update your phone, they say it fixes it? Yeah, because they've become aware of this, and you don't want anyone being able to hack into your phone, obviously, especially if you have it password protected. Right. There you go. I wouldn't care that much on my phone, but you guys have, doesn't it?

2:30:21sync up to your laptops and stuff like that? Yeah, you just, you know, I mean, iPhone, you can have family pictures, you can have your email, you can have anything, you know, all kinds of stuff on it that you just wouldn't want people to find. It's your phone, you know? Topic jar. Is monogamy natural for humans? Is monogamy natural for humans? No. I do not believe that it is. I believe that it's something that... Well, you know, I can just speak as a man. As a man, I think that it's difficult for men to keep their eyes off women and for us to be with a single person forever. It's difficult. I think it is for women too, right? Yeah, but it's also difficult to control the urge to want to slap somebody when they take something of yours or make you mad. So I think it's just like any natural impulse that humans have to...

2:31:20maybe steal, maybe do other things, and you have to teach yourself what is morally right. Yeah, but with that being said, I think it's harder to control. I think that more people, by and large, cheat than act on the impulse to just slap someone. Okay, maybe not violence, but any impulses that we have where we've put a structure in place about stealing or like... The natural inclination you want something is to, oh, I want this. I'm just going to pick it up and take it. But you know that there are rules in place that belong to somebody else that you have to pay for things if you want them. Huh. Woodsy? Huh? What's that? What do you think? Did you just tune in? No. I'm trying to avoid the question. Of course I'm trying to avoid the question. Oh. What? Really? Yeah, no, I don't think it's natural. I don't know. I don't think it's natural, though. Yeah, that's not a bad. That doesn't mean that you're cheating. No, I know. It just means that, you know, what do you... I don't think it's natural. No. I don't think it's a natural thing. I think, you know, I mean, this has been the man's argument for his whole life is that a man is wired to hunt and kill and a woman is wired to nurture. And, you know, hey, I know plenty of women hunters out there, though. Don't get me wrong. But I think a man's...

2:32:44natural inclination is to find something he wants and take it. Well, and also to procreate. I think that there's a natural wiring there. And women are more likely, even in most mammals, they're more likely to be more selective and stick with a few partners as where the male lion will just, you know, go on and get his thing going. That is true. I mean, we are one of the only species to practice that. I think we are the only species to practice that. Penguins. That's it. Penguins hook up for life? Yes, they mate for life. I think penguins find new mates after each season, I think. No, I think the empire penguins are for life. I heard they're the sluttiest ones. They're easy. But we're also the only species to have a civilization, really, where there's laws and things like that. No, I heard that the king monkey. Yeah. Has laws, Senate. They do have hierarchies. Can monkey shop the Senate? Yeah, they do have hierarchies. They do have hierarchies. What do you think, Sienna? Are we naturally monogamous? I mean, I agree with you guys. I just know, for me, it's kind of like any guy that I've spotted and I'm like, ooh, I've only wanted him to be with me. So it is in there, I think. But what about, okay, but what about you? Do you think it's natural for you to be?

2:34:07with one person forever. Kind of, yeah. I don't know. I definitely see what you guys are saying. I'm kind of torn, though, because I'll look. I would never want... I don't have desire to touch, you know? See, and I don't want anybody to get me wrong here. I don't mean. We've got to go home in half an hour. What are you doing? You're killing me. We've got to go to our homes. You're right, Jay. Just because you believe it. I believe it doesn't mean I follow it. Back in the day when I was on the hunt, I'd always use that as a line. I was like, man, I'm just an animal. I want what I want. And they were like, oh, really? So I think it is. I think you're an animal. We were animals. We were built to procreate. Yeah, I think that it's natural. But I don't do it. I don't do it. I don't do it either. Yeah. Honey, I don't do it. Neither do I. I don't do anything. 570-1949. M1 Michael from Claremont. Hey, Mikey. Yeah, I think that monogamy is as natural as cheating.

2:35:11Monogamy is as natural. They're both natural. We're in paradox at our most basic level. Yeah, I kind of. We want everything. You just blew my mind. We also want to be with just one person. Jealousy is natural. You just blew my mind. Jealousy is natural and wanting to cheat is natural. Well, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I got to stop you, though. Yeah. Cheating, I can understand you saying it's natural because it's in our nature to be with many. But that's opposite. Of monogamy. So how can you say that the both of them... I'm saying that jealousy is just as natural. We also feel jealous when our lover is with someone else. I see what he's saying. It's almost like 50%. Marriage is an institution that was started by women and supported by ugly men. I'll believe that. Is that a fact? I'll believe that, Michael. I'll go with you on that one. Thank you, Michael. M1AK on the 8. Go ahead. Yes. My point, what was I going to say? He's focusing on driving. No, no, I'm back to back. There must be a gnarly accident on the A. Anyhow, so what I was saying is that sex and violence are men's natural enemy. It's what we struggle every day. And on another note, women are the art galleries of the world, and art was meant to look at. I don't struggle with violence. No.

2:36:41I do. I do. I mean, it's natural. It's something that's proven that men, you don't act on it, but you actually, everyone deals with it. You know, it's the one thing that we deal with the most. I totally do. You don't ever want to punch a stranger? You don't ever want to punch a wall? No. Really? I really do. You're a much calmer dude than me because I, at least one to two times a day, want to rip somebody's throat out. And I'm trying to remember. I want to just be like. I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to remember old me. Because new me is a different person completely. And I'm trying to remember old me. And I don't think I was ever really the violent guy. I'm trying to think. I don't think you were either. Like you never like ran mouth or anything. Like I remember getting in a fight about your show. Cause this guy at a bar was like Mikey or yeah, the new Mikey show on the Eagle sucks. And I go, what are you doing? He goes, well, I'm the PD for, it was funny. It was actually one Oh five three. It's different. This is in Dallas. Yeah. And I was like, you know, F you man, you know, like got in his face. Right. You were never that guy. No, you weren't because you don't. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I remember, I do remember one time, two times.

2:37:59Wow, that's a trip. I can remember two very specific times. One time was in San Marcos. And now, I don't know what it is now. It may be a gas station, but it used to be this old bar called Sports Dome. I did this thing there. I was going to break a bottle and stab a guy with it. Wow. That's heavy. Hardcore. What did he do? Way more hardcore. Oh, I've thought about it before, too. I was going to do it. You got to take the last piece of chicken? In fact, in my head, I was like, here I go. I'm going to do it. Here I go. What did he do to you? Here I go. We were in the bathroom, and he was a jerk in the bathroom. Was he like, you call that a piece or something? What was he doing? Yeah, he said, you call that a piece? What could he have done in the bathroom? He mouthed off. Yeah. He mouthed off in the bathroom. What did drunk guys in the bathroom do? Yeah. And I was drunk and I was standing at the bar. You're coming to kill him. And he came up and to be a tough guy, he was standing next to me like I just mouthed off to you and now I'm standing next to you. Yeah. And I had a bottle of beer on the bar. And I thought.

2:39:11I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And I really, I was, it was as close as I've ever been to doing something insane. That's bad. Oh yeah, I would have gone to jail. Prison. That is bad. I'm very glad you didn't do that. But you remember that, that was like kind of an extreme. You don't ever just like, someone makes you so mad that you're like, The other time was me and a guy that I know named Tim, late at night, drunk in a, in a taco shop weird and this guy this guy was a jerk you just called a shop and i was and i was i was gonna hit the guy yeah but there's only that's two times in my life yeah that's amazing that is amazing yeah i can't count well you know and here's the thing you're so good with words A lot of times your words can probably get you out of a lot of stuff where it takes another guy maybe throwing his hands. And that was the deal, too, is that I was always capable of hurting people with my mouth more than I could hurt people with my... Dude could cut. You could cut if you wanted to. Cut real deep. Cut real good. All right, we got to take a quick timeout. A what? A quick timeout. Oh. I thought you said it was good in your mouth. I had a bubba.

2:40:32They say that the gender of your kid makes you more or less likely to divorce. We'll tell you which ones divorce more. And used to be that 680 was a good credit score. Now, something else is the new 680. So we'll tell you about that. This is an interesting text. It says, Mikey Show. I don't know why you would ever want to report on the study about the gender of a kid affecting divorce. Isn't that like rubbing salt in some kids' wounds? It's hard enough for kids that have parents that have divorced or are going through a divorce now. A lot of kids blame themselves for their parents' divorces. This study just makes them feel more guilty and justified that they are at fault. Is this something we really need to know or in our already turbulent world? M1 Night Scream. Okay, well first, if any kid...

2:41:47has ever felt like they were the reason for their parents' divorce, that is an awful lie that you're believing. That is not true. Okay, so if you feel that way, it's a lie. It's not true. You have nothing to do with your parents' mistake. If anything, a lot of people stay together for the kids. There's a band by such name. A song. A song. By Blink-182. What's it called? Stay Together for the Kids. Oh, that's to the point. But yeah, there's people that for the sake of the kids. So I don't think ever goes the other way. Yeah. And then the other thing here with this is that, you know, this is a statistical deal and a story that's in the news today. You know, my family is affected by Alzheimer's and autism. And I'm not going to not report on autism because my son's autistic. Right. I mean, yeah, I lost my mother-in-law to breast cancer. We're going to talk about breast cancer. Yeah. It's just a fact. And it's a statistical fact and should not, you know, people know what my opinion on divorce is. I don't believe in it and don't condone it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:43:04So anyway, what's the deal, Sienna? Well, some data was drawn on more than 3 million adults in relationships. And they found that couples with daughters are more likely to get a divorce. That's weird. It is weird. And the thing is, is that I can't imagine that that would have any influence on it. Aren't there just, isn't it slightly skewed that there's more women than men right now in the population? What about that? I have a theory and it could be like really far off. What? But technically I would say that women are more insecure in relationships. Yeah. I'm going to make a bold statement right there. And. If men, they have a daughter, then the man is paying maybe more attention to the daughter than the wife. Yeah. And that may throw off the wife. You know, it's just, I don't know. I've heard of that happening before from, you know, I've seen it actually from a couple. Yeah. Secrets of the Yaya sisterhood. Yeah.

2:44:02Your favorite movie, Mike. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Just the dad paying more attention to the daughter or daughters maybe than the wife. Or maybe the dad telling the daughters that they're beautiful more than he tells his wife. That's a good point. Well, guys also want men children. So if they've got a man child around, they're like, oh, man, I've got to stick in this. Because they want their seeds being passed on. And girls are always daddy's little angel, at least in most cases. And dads are more tough with their sons. Wasn't it the great John Mayer that said... He said, fathers, be good to your daughters. Mothers. Mothers? Yeah. Daughters will love like you do. Mothers, be good to your daughters. No, it's fathers. It is? Yeah. Oh, well, whatever. Because then later he says, mother or something. I don't know. Wow. See, just so poetic. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, by the way. Oingo, boingo. Dead Man's Party. Who could ask for more? That's right. Used to be. Oh, yeah. Wood's got an appearance tonight he wants to talk about. I do. I'm going to be at Zenboo Sushi from 7 to 8. It's in Cardiff. Right by Seaside Market. Right by Seaside Market. So come down. Visit with your boy. I'm going to be giving away tickets to see the Gorillaz, Massive Attack, and Sublime. It's delicious. Handing out gear from Rusty, Dragon Alliance, sunglasses, and tons of CDs. It's going to be a trip.

2:45:24So credit scores. It used to be 680 was a good score. Yeah, that was something to be proud of. Basically, 680 meant that you paid your bills on time. You had a solid of enough record to get a loan. Not anymore. Now they're saying you need at least a 720 to get a good loan. What's a 200 do for you? Wow. Does that do anything for you? Yeah. No. They put them in different tiers, and if you have a 719, you're in the lower tier. Oh, wow. You have to have a 720. Really? Yeah. Blame that on all the foreclosures and subprime lending. I know. Killed our country. I don't know anything about anything. Save that clip. Yeah, really. I was a part of the industry that was doing the subprime lending when I was with the student loans, and we were doing things. It was supposed to be a 660, but it was way lower a lot of times. Wow, you were an adult. That, to me, all that stuff. I'm so bad. Rebecca said to me the other day, Rebecca goes, She said, we, oh, we're selling our house in Dallas. She goes, you know, so the house is sold. And she goes, you know, now we just have to hope that it closes escrow. And I go, what does that mean? She goes, well, it means that all of their finances have to go through. And I go, what do you mean? I thought we sold it. And she goes, well, we did.

2:46:54But now they have to make sure and they have to go through everything with a fine tooth comb to make sure that the people that bought the house will be able to pay for it. And I go, well, don't they get approved for it? Like the loan? And she goes, yeah, babe, that's called pre-approved. Then you go into escrow. And I just, my brain went. Being an adult is tough. Yeah. You need one in the relationship. Right. She's it. Mine is two for the most part. You know what she does? She left. a pile of papers for me this morning with little post-it notes that said sign here. Sign here. Perfect. Initial sign. That is perfect. I went through it and I signed them. Don't have a clue what they are. You could have just signed away everything to Rebecca. Rebecca could be in Germany right now. Yeah. On your nickel. No, she could be in the Caribbean on a boat. On a yacht that you bought. Right. The boy's new father is like Juan. Yeah.

2:47:54I don't look at it. Yeah, sure. Okay, whatever. I'm the same way. Todd goes through my mail. Yeah. Takes care of it. Wow, you're lucky. I know. Hillary, are you and your husband both like the responsible ones or is there one of you that takes care of everything? Well, he's responsible, but I tend to like go through the mail and, you know, deal with that. More because he's... so busy. That's my bit. He's so much busier. Meeting your husband, he's such a good dude, but I would see you being more... He's really busy and I'm sort of anal, like organization. Would it surprise you guys that I do all the handling of the bills and the mail in my house? To where I'm like, if you touch that mail... You have to move out of the house. Because she'll forget. And I'll look in a drawer and there'll be four bills. I'm like... I'm the same way. I'm so bad. And so I just say, don't get the mail. I'll get the mail. She's like, okay, whatever. D, go ahead. And so I do all the bills. I pay all the bills. Would that blow your mind? That blows me away. That blows me away. You have to do something in your house. I know, right? I don't do anything else. I take the garbage out once a month.

2:49:09One out of four times. It's my only chore and I usually get to it once out of four times. My wife is the general manager. She's the general manager. She's the AJ Smith of our house. She takes care of everything. Do you get in trouble if you don't do it right? I get in trouble. What I get in trouble for is when I decide I'm going to open... Four times a year, I decide I'm going to open mail. Me too. Because I'm bored. I'm just like, oh, I'm going to see what this is. And I'm like, oh, check that out. Whoa, what's up with that bill? And then she'll be like, babe, I just got to notice that we're having our power turned off. Because I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on my desk. I have that. I put it in a folder and then I put it away. Yeah, I put it in that drawer because I thought it was supposed to go in that drawer. She's like, please, babe, don't touch it. Please don't touch that stuff. I'm not doing it to be mean at all. I'm doing it because I know stuff will pile up. And if I don't see it, then I don't know it's there. And she'll forget about it. My maternity leave, so much paperwork, so much stuff needed to be sent away. Todd was like, okay, did you do this? Did you do that? I'm like, where's that? What's that? You just sign right here. Okay, okay. He had to do it all for me. Hillary, you know how we just had the...

2:50:27401k woman come in from corporate. Yes. From North Carolina. Yeah. My wife came to the radio station. She sure did. Oh my God. I love your wife. And we went into the meeting together. I didn't say one word. No, he was playing on his iPhone probably. Honestly, this is the truth. I was sitting there trying to look like I was responsible. Honestly, I was pretending. Just nodding your head. Like totally serious. I was sitting there and I was trying to look like I was an adult. And the woman would say stuff and I'd be like, hmm. And every once in a while I'd give the thing, like the hand on the chin. Interesting. It was like she was speaking Hebrew. I am so jealous. And every once in a while I would look out the window and I would get so distracted and I would be like. holy cow, they have been building that thing up there for three months. And then I'd come back and I'd look over like, oh yeah, it's really interesting. What about mutual funds, guys? Yeah, how about a Roth IRA? I'm right there with you, Mike. So finally I go, hey you guys, I have to go. I have to go. I really wanted to nail this out. Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, I totally wanted to.

2:51:38And I go, babe, let me give you the passkey to get into the studio when you're done. And she did. She came in like 15 minutes later. No clue what she signed us up for or whatever, but don't know anything about it. You're so lucky. I don't know anything. I saw those emails and I was like, I wish Todd could come and do this. By the way, gang, we have open enrollment soon. We need to figure that out. Don't even know what that is. That's for your health, benefits. You have to do it. Don't miss out on that. I was going to raise my hand during the quarterly staff meeting and my coworkers, Mikey and Woods, embarrassed me so I didn't get to ask the questions I wanted to ask. You could set up a one-on-one. Okay, let's just set the scene. Oh, no. You weren't there because you were on the air. You weren't there, Hill. And Sienna was on maternity leave. Staff meeting, right? Our boss is up giving his speech. And it's the whole staff. The whole staff. Everybody. And all of a sudden, Rick opens it up for questions. Yeah.

2:52:33And a couple of people ask questions. Me and Wood silently make fun of them for asking questions. Here's why. Sorry. Here's why. You know who they were? You know who they were? Hey, Rick. Look at me. Do you remember me? I need to ask this question. They had a serious question. B.S. I've been in corporate America for 15 years. I know. When somebody's asking a question so that the boss recognizes them asking a question. So, hang on. Rick is not that kind of boss. I know, but they don't know that. Yeah, exactly. So, Lauren O'Brien. I'm telling you. I wanted to ask the HR lady. We shame her. Totally shame her. Our co-worker would like to ask a question. Excuse me, Rick. Our coworker, Lauren O'Brien, she's like, you guys, no, not anymore, not anymore. And we're like trying to raise her hand up. She's like, stop it, stop it, stop it. It was brilliant. Because you guys are 12. Yes, absolutely. All we were doing through the whole thing is...

2:53:35It's a very serious meeting. I'm so happy I don't work in corporate healthcare anymore. It's the greatest. But you do that. Seriously, this open enrollment stuff, you guys need to make sure I do it. Yeah, we have to do it. You have to. You have to have health care. I know, that's what I mean. Make sure I do it. Hill, what do you got coming up? I grabbed Alice in Chains, The New Everest. Yeah, I thought you'd like that. Oh, I love that new album. So good, that New Everest. Black Keys, Gorillaz, Offspring, The Cure. Good stuff. Sweet. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Come to Zenboo tonight. Yeah, go see Woodsie tonight. Seven to eight. Have some sushi. Come see the kid. Yes. We'll come back tomorrow morning and do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out late.