The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 10/29/10

0:01Taylor Swift again. Yes, every day for the rest of the year. Woods. I can't escape it. I can't escape it. Woods, his job is to put together a disc for me to play music here, and he's been putting this on there every single day. Yes, he has been. And it will be until 2011. Oh, my gosh. Great. A big story right now, the cover of the UT, actually. teen-year veteran. A San Diego police officer was shot and killed on Wednesday night. This was the first fatal shot since 1991 of a police officer on duty. Awful. Really, really sad. It was in the Skyline neighborhood. So, three people have been arrested. And also, a big news right now, tests have been performed. You know, BP's big oil well explosion back in April. Well, they're saying that a big cause, apparently there were problems with the cement they used to seal the well, and it's now coming out, and one of the big The big causes from the oil explosion was a cement mixed failure to prevent oil and gas from entering. Really? Yeah, they could be in a lot of trouble about this. They probably are. What's going on in sports? Oh, man, I got a couple of crazy stories for you. Well, there's a shop in the Bay Area. It's called the Relief Herbal Center Medical Dispensary is giving away marijuana.

1:15Every time the Giants hit a home run during the World Series. Go Giants. That's awesome. You can't do that legally, can you? A dispensary is when you have medicinal. They're also offering, at a discount, a special bright orange strain of marijuana and a THC-infused drink called Giant Punch. Holy cow. Enjoyed that. Giant punch. This is a pretty crazy story. There was a guy named Jeffrey Lander again. He was scheduled to be executed Tuesday night for the 1990 armed robbery and strangulation of an Arizona man. What were his last words? I'd like to say thank you to my family for being here and all my friends. Boomer Sooner. No. His last words were Boomer Sooner. It's OU. It's what they say at Oklahoma U. Yeah. Boomer Sooner. I'm sure Sooner Nation is so proud of their super fan.

2:12Hey, by the way, thank you to Long Island Mike's for bringing some really delicious pizza in here today. Really delicious pizza. It's my old friend, Paulie. It's my old friend, Paulie. How you doing? Let me tell you, this guy makes the greatest pizza, man. It's the best. And Long Island Mike's, they're located at 5250. Murphy Canyon Road off Claremont Mesa Boulevard. Only two months old. They're making authentic New York pizza. And let me tell you, I know his pizza. It is authentically New York. It's so good. And let me tell you something. These guys are really from Long Island. Long Island. And they've been making pizza since they were 15 years old. Oh, yeah. 20 different slices to choose from every day. They got garlic sticks, strompolis, calzones, salads. They make the dough fresh daily. All fresh ingredients. The best pizza, man. The best pizza. If you want to call them, it's 858-5NY-PIZZA. 858-5NY-PIZZA. The greatest. I have to admit it. Woods got me into this song. I now like this song. Every day we're going to deal with this. I thought this was the mic. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

3:35Why do you not like it? I'm upset. You're upset about how she's a big hit and she's successful. That little bee broke my heart. What are you talking about? She broke my heart. Why is your face painted? It is. For Halloween? No. Yes, it is. For Halloween? Yes. Have you been crying? There's like mascara running down your face. It looks like your mascara is streaming down your face. No, I'm dressed as a sad clown, L.O.B. Maybe you mind your own business. Okay. What did she do to break? She broke my heart, man. We had a thing. She was, you know, a little younger. A little younger? She left me for John Mayer. I didn't hear a song called Dear Dave. That's because she left you. She broke my heart in two, man. She did? Aren't you married? No. Yeah. Yes. She wrote that song about John Mayer.

4:36I'm better looking than John Mayer. I'm more talented, more successful. I don't know. I'm not sleeved up. You haven't taken a bath in five days. It's been a little longer, man. More like five weeks. When was the last time you brushed your teeth? February. You smell like malt liquor. You're wearing a white robe. I was hanging out last night with Garrett and Tommy, and we were drinking Stone, you know, from Stone Brewery. Yeah, our program director and our afternoon DJ. We're doing the 8 o'clock album. Yeah. Yeah, Stone. It's my favorite, man. Yeah. I got it the first time. Just rolling spliffs and having a good time. And now you came in here to tell us that you're upset with Taylor Swift. I don't want Woods to play that song one more time the rest of the year, man. I can't. As soon as... When this thing leaked is when I went on the biggest bender of my career. I'm talking smack, coke. No, you're not. I've been doing it all. What did she do? She made love to me, and then she never talked to me again. I told you guys she's not the angel you think she is. Dirty bird. She made love to me like I've never had love made to me in my life. Wow. Ever. Celebrity voice impersonated. Yeah, tell us about it. Why are you holding your guitar?

5:57Because I wrote her a song and I want to play it for her because I know she's listening. I know she's a big fan of Mikey and everything that he does. All right. And she loves 94.9. She loves, you know, it's about the music. She's all about the music. Right. Well, let's hear it, Dave. She loves Captain Buzzkill. She loves everybody. Who doesn't? But I know. So this is what I wrote. What is that? The burr. What is that? Burr. It sounds a lot like her song. It's like she's doing a new song. Yeah, there's a girl. She runs around here. She gave me this chord progression. Her name is... Is it Eskimo? Yeah, man, that's that girl. Eskimo Blue Waters. Yeah, we ended up... Do you need me to come on the mic? No. We ended up rolling around on the floor a little bit last night, if you know what I mean. Oh, my. Eskimo, did you? Well, it was on the floor of my Mustang, but do you need me to... Should I...

6:53Do you want me to do a solo? No, she gave me this chord progression. She said it was really good, and she taught me how to play it. I came up with it a few nights ago. So you actually play guitar? Yeah. Oh, wow. Like an angel. Okay. One night in Cleveland, I sold Taylor Swift some shampoo. What? Oh, my gosh. Why are you selling shampoo? My filthy robe was open. And you got a view of my... You tried to seduce me, but I said to you, this body is mine. You seem like a shy girl. You all have some hands like John Wayne. Then you just use me.

7:59And made me your human bidet. Weird. Weird. Weird. You seemed like a nice girl. You're like the girl's own. Girls gone wild. Taylor Swift? Wow. Taylor Swift. You trained like an old bum. You treated me like an old bum? I'm a little flustered, man, because I didn't really write these words down. I had a little help. You did? Yeah, a little bit. This guy, I know he's very passive-aggressive. A little bit of help from a little guy? Well, I was in...

8:59I had meetings yesterday until like 3 o'clock. I tell you what, Dave. Hand it to the passive-aggressive guy, and then you play the guitar, and I'll try to do it for you. Okay, you ready? Do I sing it like you, or do I just sing it like me? Gorgeous. Oh, I guess I did say that. Very sultry, Mike. Okay, let's show that again. You tried to seduce me, but I said my body is mine. Sure you did. Yeah. I think you bricked it up again, man. All right.

10:22Can we do it one more time? No, man. From the top. Oh, that's awesome. It's okay, man. You're a talented guy. Don't let anybody tell you different. You too, Dave. Well, those chords do sound a lot like... Taylor Swift's actual song. There's one chord, L-O-B, I don't know how to play, and so I just kind of glazed over it. Oh, cool. Dave, be careful with the guitar because that's a Taylor. All right, man. Don't say Taylor around him. It makes him a little sense. I know. Say something different. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Don't smash a Taylor guitar because you're mad at Taylor Swift. I won't. Both he and Taylor play Taylor. Yeah, I guess so. How do you think we've met? That's right. How cute. Well, you said that it was in Cleveland because you were trying to sell her shampoo. That's right. Patchouli shampoo. All right. You want to hear Will Ferrell singing Celine Dion's song, The Power of Love? Yeah, hopefully it's better than Dave Matthews' version of your John. I loved it. Maybe we get together and work on that. Woods and Mikey ever just put stuff together in the car? It's always next time. It's always next time. Why am I sweating?

11:44That was fantastic. All right. So, yeah, it was last night on Letterman, and Will Ferrell came on and decided to do this. What's next? What's on the horizon? What are you up to now? Well, my good friend Celine Dion currently taking a leave of absence from her show because she just had twins. Like a super show in Las Vegas. Super show in Las Vegas, and she's on hiatus because she just had twins. How were you two friends? Way back to my days in Quebec. I thought you were from California. I spent a semester in Quebec. Met Celine Dion. Met Celine Dion on a city bus. And we weren't friends ever. Just hit it off. In fact, I wanted to say hello to the twins. Jacques and Cousteau. so uh so i'm i'm taking over her show in vegas wow yeah wow that you know that that seems like both uh that seems like both a a a good idea and a really bad idea i'm scared beyond belief oh yeah because they sell tickets and it's an extravaganza and i don't i'm not familiar with the material really despite our friendship

13:13I just know her as my buddy, not so much. Are you working on it now? I'm an entertainer. I'm workshopping things. You want to see what it does here tonight? I would love to just try out a little something. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, no, please do. Will Ferrell, ladies and gentlemen, from the upcoming Celine Dion extravaganza. Wow, he knew. I hold on to your body And feel each move you make Your voice is warm and tender A love that I could not foresee Beautiful. I'll do all that you can. Yeah. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I love that game. Maybe he puts out a funny movie again. Yes, please. That'd be awesome. What was his last movie, period? Freaking that cop movie with Mark Wahlberg that like seven dudes saw. Yeah. That were stoned, I think. Nobody saw that movie. Land of the Lost. It was in theaters for 45 minutes. Yeah, he's had some pretty bad ones. Yeah.

15:25There were some funny parts in Land of the Lost. There was. Really? Just a few. Let's do some TomTom tunes. Call us right now. 570-1949 is our number. And if you want to play TomTom tunes, we're going to have our TomTom device, GPS device, read you some lyrics. And you've got to tell us what it is that the lyrics are. If you can do that, you win. We'll give you tickets to the Body Art Expo. There you go. It's going to be a tattoo and piercing extravaganza. How many times have I said that? in my life. And it's a special... That's right. So call us right now, 570-1949. Happy Halloween, by the way. Remember to be safe this weekend. Jay's a little bummed because his son wants to go major league trick-or-treating. And he's got a creepy haunted house to run, Jay does. He puts on a haunted house to scare the kids every year. And so he's got to run the haunted house and he's not going to be able to devote as much time to taking Jasper all throughout the neighborhood. Can't Kim take him? I know, but Jasper wants me to go with him. He wants to be there. Do one hour of the haunted house. It's hard to set it up and then leave because then people come through and steal your stuff. Yeah, someone has to be there to man it. You have three other kids, make them man it. Are you going to dress up, Jay? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like scary dress up? Oh, absolutely.

16:50That's what he does. I really want to go to Jay's house. I do too. I got to check it out. It's that house. 570-1949. Let's see. M1, Devin, are you there? Here. How are you? How are you? Good. You ready to play a little Tom Tom tunes? I am. All right. You're going to get... 30 seconds approximately or less. Mikey, you did not comment on my Halloween costume. Oh, I love it. I think you look absolutely gorgeous. You look like a TomTom device. I'm a calculator. Oh, calculator. Thank you for noticing. Sorry, it kind of looked the same. Didn't look like there was much difference, but yeah, it's not bad. Ask me what the square root of 16 is. What's the square root of 16? Four. That's good, TomTomGirl. TomTomGirl, as you know, Woodsy's TomTom device. It doesn't have the best inflection, though, so try to guess what this is. You've got 30 seconds or less. Anytime you're ready, TomTomGirl. If I should stay, I would only be in your way, so I will go, but I know I will think of you every step of the way.

18:01And I will always love you. M1 Devin, can you give me title or artist for the win? Always love you. Very good. That is correct. I mean, there you go. Oh, wait, wait. No, no. That won't do. That will not do. This will have to do. Taiwanese little boy. Yeah, little boy. That's a Taiwanese boy singing right now. True story. So great. Oh, my God. Finger wag. Fine, please, Devin, okay? Thank you. That is uncanny. That is a boy. That's a boy. That's a boy. We were both made in Taiwan.

20:15A very, very sexy Priscilla Presley just showed up. Oh, yeah. She looks really good. Wow. That is Woods' wife, Jamie, and she came dressed as Priscilla, and I said, wow, Woods, you have a pretty hot wife. I do. Look at that freaking wig, dude. Isn't that great? I love it. That is great. I love it. Does it take, is it hard to get a wig like that on? Do you have to do stuff? Yeah, it's all built up. You could do it next year and be Snooki. Yes. Oh, my God, you could. We need pictures of both of you. You guys look so cute. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. All right, so, well, first of all, happy Halloween to everybody. I want to wish everybody a happy Halloween. Blah, blah. Woods and I have decided we're going to go to, next year, we're going to go to Comic-Con. And we're going to...

21:17Annoy people by just putting a sheet over us. Yep. Cutting the holes out for eyes. Eye holes. Eye holes. Just be... Ghosts. Yeah, ghosts. Like white sheets. People are going to freak out. They're going to be so mad. Yeah. Awesome. You're taking this lightly. What comic book had a ghost? Right. What do you think you're doing? You're making a mockery of Comic Con. Are you from Lost? Perfect. So anyway, welcome back. I can't wait for that. Welcome back. I want to remind you that the FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash is going to be going down on Saturday the 13th. And tickets are available. And ticket prices are great. I would get them now. Don't wait for this thing to sell out. It's going to be at 4th and B downtown, $26. Don't wait. That's my advice to you. Don't wait. FM 94.9's 8th anniversary bash. I'm going to be singing there. And I am scared. Don't be scared. I'm scared. I can't really rehearse with the band. You can't. I can't because of the rehearsal. I know. We got our rehearsal schedule. I'm like, perfect. I'm good for all this. Yeah. So I need to, though. I need to rehearse. Dude. I don't know that song. You don't know it. How much do you know?

22:39I know parts of it where it goes, got my kiss records out. That's what I know. That's all you know in that song? How are you going to do this? It's in 16 days? Just put the CD in and listen when you're driving in your car and you'll learn it. You guys realize who you're talking to? You're talking to Mikey. Don't freak him out. It's a mnemonic device, sort of, when it's set to music. What? To remember the words of stuff. That's a mnemonic device? Well, more than just things in front of you. You can remember them when they're set to music. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll listen to it over and over again. You're going to have to be like this. Reading it? Off my cell phone? It'll be fine. I've had to do that before. Yeah, that's probably what I'm going to do. It'll look really rock star if you do that. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, all the big guys do this. Maybe just poster board so we can stand out in the audience and hold them up. Yeah, there you go. You guys want to hear something pretty awesome? Tell me what this is. Oh, boy. Is nothing ever in the trust tree with you, Mike? Is that L-O-B? That is L-O-B, and she did not know I was going to play that. Is nothing ever in the trust tree? She didn't know? Play it again. Play it again. This morning, by the way, Sienna goes, Hey, Mike, this thing with Lauren and this audio, and Lauren had her headphones on.

24:18and I was looking at my computer when Sienna said it, and I go, Sienna, shh, shh, shh. He didn't tell me it. I was surprised. Did you not send it to me? No, I sent it to Mike because, okay, that was me playing with effects in GarageBand a couple years ago, or I don't know how long ago it was, for my little children's theater thing. She had an idea. Her and her sister had an idea that they were going to be the next superstars for children. And they were like, look, we've seen the success of the Wiggles. We've seen the success of Yo Gabba Gabba. We've seen that. And so all we need to do is put together some sort of formula and we'll be great. I got it. Why don't you be a shark, which will terrify kids, and I'll be. No, we were both mermaids and we had cut out sharks. Cut out shark. Which I threw out. Eventually, you know, eight or nine kids. Just the other day, I let go of the dream. And so they would, you know, they'd go to these amphitheaters and they would perform. By amphitheaters, you mean elementary school cafeterias? Yes. Sometimes farmer's markets. Yeah. Sometimes 7-Eleven parking lots and stuff. Yeah. Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts. But I sent that to Mike because I found some audio.

25:33of when Mikey first asked me to meet him before when he was putting the new cast together. Right. He was like, you know, try to get some voices together if you can and let me know what you've got. So I was practicing in GarageBand. I made this like 15 minute long clip of me doing my different voices. And when I was looking for it. I just want... I have many questions. I'll let you. All will be answered. We'll do a Q&A. We'll do a Q&A. I just want you to, with me, get to experience what happened with me when I was at home in front of my computer looking at the screen and clicked on this. Mouth wide open right now. Mikey's eyes huge. Okay, there's a creepy weird like echo on it, but otherwise it's called L.O.B. No, it's good. It's a good little children's song. We're gonna go to the park. We're gonna go to the park. You better get home before it gets dark. There's a message in there. See? It's brilliant. I'm really left out. She just sits on...

27:13Piles of gold. LLB does. She has a lot. She's got reams of gold. Oh, wait till you hear the audio of the voices I did. Do we have that? Ask your questions. Will you please... sing the song right now in the voice that you sang it? No, I did it. Okay, here's the thing. I did it in a regular voice, but then afterwards added the effect. Let's see. Like what? Like how? You sound like you have to sing. I think I was like, we're gonna go to the park. We're gonna go to the park. But then I added like an extra chipmunk effect. Because it sounds exactly like a five-year-old. We're gonna go to the park. We're gonna go to the park. It's more chilling. It's creepy. It's more chilling than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Scary than Chucky. Didn't I say in the email, I was like, there's nothing creepy about this. Right? Stanley Kubrick. Who did The Shining? The Stanley Kubrick. Was that Stanley Kubrick? Yeah. He's like, those two twin girls that I got are not as creepy as that. That is so creepy. Absolutely. I know, it's really creepy. I'm going to slit your throat.

28:22I envision a five-year-old walking through a tunnel with water on the bottom of the tunnel. Oh, that's great. By herself. In a dress. Black and white. Is she an apparition? Is she real? There's water in there. There's some creep. Like off in a shadow, like looking at her. And she doesn't even see him yet. Like Jay's off in a shadow. Behind a cape. Oh my gosh. It's the creepiest. Just ribbons in her hair. God, that's scary. Oh, it is creepy, isn't it? It's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. So much for me coming the next Wiggles. Yeah. Kids run out of the room screaming. Holy cow. That's the problem. You can't scare the kids. Otherwise, it just doesn't work. Right. Let's see. Jay still scares the kids. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Scared me. It's very catchy. It is. Like, there's part of me right now that's scared for you, Lauren, because you were in the room when this played. I'm like, ah! Oh, yeah. Alone. I know. Hey, am I on the phone? Who's this? James Gumm? Yeah, it's James Gumm calling. Happy Halloween, pal.

30:02Oh, thanks, Woods. You're welcome. What are you dressing up as? Well, I thought it would be pretty cool to go as Frederica Bimmel. Oh, wow. Yeah, Frederica Bimmel. She was like a great big fat person. Oh, wow. I thought you'd be going as like a moth or something or as like a butterfly. He's probably been sewing his costume for weeks. He's still a caterpillar. He didn't get far along enough. Anyway, so this is James Gunn from Sonic. That's quite a compliment. I would probably do it like this would be all.

31:05Oh, gosh. That's not the word. Previous dude ever. That's pretty great. That's pretty great stuff. All right. Let's do this. Let's do... Jay's audio. Yes, I've been waiting all day. Yeah, so Jay, he went around and scared everybody in the building pretty much. Some I couldn't use. Some we couldn't use because they screamed and cursed and all this, you know, they carried on. And so we have a few of them. Can we tell everybody what he did? I'm so embarrassed.

31:53Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to tell him what he made. It was the weirdest looking thing I've ever seen. It was a mouse spider. It was a mouse spider, but it was on a string. It's on a fishing string. It was a spider mouse. It was. It was a spider mouse. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen. It was disgusting. It was a spouse. Yeah, it was a spouse. A mitre. Oh, I wish you had it, Jay. Spouses can be scary. It really did look like a mouse, a rat, and a spider had a baby. Tentacles. And he spray painted it like this grayish, spooky black almost. Well, he does this and then he sticks it on a piece of fishing line so that you can't see it. And he would put it somewhere where nobody knew that it was and then he'd yank on this thing and scare people half to death. And so we have all these recordings of it happening. I love it so much.

32:49I haven't heard any of these. This is our overnight DJ, Jesse. And I got to say, I backed down because when I figured I was Jesse, I was still in scare mode. But you'll hear. Oh, no. Yeah, you didn't scream, though. Dang it. What happened? I was hiding out by the elevators because I thought it was Lauren. Okay. And I had one of the doors shut. Jesse. I kind of see the security guard and Jesse, but I'm already down the position to be scary. Oh, my gosh. And I yank the string, and I kind of go, and I look up, and they're looking at me. I'm like. Like, what's wrong with you? You're still warming up. All right, here's Chris. Chris. Chris. Our phone screener, Chris. Whoa, dude. Spider mouse. Sienna. They're telling me they thought we had mice in here. I gotta hear it again. They're telling me they thought we had mice in here. Oh my god, you scared me so bad. And scene. I gotta hear it again. I have to hear it again. They're telling me they thought we had mice in here. Oh my god, you scared me so bad.

34:28I walked in and I did it differently. It's like 3 o'clock in the morning. I walked in and I had a string way behind me. Walked in the door, walked past her. And I'm telling my little mouse story. And as soon as I got far enough and she's kind of looking at the door, I pull the string and the mouse comes running in the room. It was moving. It was crawling. His little arms were going. He put these legs on it that moved. The spider mouse was coming. I jumped up and went behind Jay. She came running at me. And she saw the expression on my face and the string in my hand. She's like, I'm going to kill you. Oh, yeah. Jay, you got your daughter Maddie? I was just kind of getting my routine, going testing the recorder. And so I just stand outside the door. She's scared. You can just drop a hat and she jumps. So I just stand outside the door. When she opened the door, I had the recorder on. You can hear. Yep. Wow. There was no spider mouse or anything. Oh, my God. Nothing? You just jumped? You just jumped at her? Yep. Oh, my God. I was just standing there, too, at the recorder. You had to see that drop.

35:34That is a beautiful scream. Why do we love people getting scared? That is shrill. That is blood curdling. She can try out to be the screamer in a horror movie, and she would get the part. Did she punch you afterwards? Oh, she slapped me so hard. Oh, I bet. I bet. All right, here is Woods and Lauren. Well, they said there was something over here. Yeah, they said they found some droppings or something. No, no, don't... It sounded like there was a mouse over here. It was a printer. What is this wire? I don't know. Holy... Holy... Holy... Oh!

36:36By the way, we had to cut the word out. 90% of the words. He said, S-F, S-F, S-F. I go, S-F, S-F, S-F. Woods screamed harder and louder. Because LLB was next to him, she jumped, then he jumped. He was out the door. He left the studio. He ran out the door. I ran out the door. Lauren was the closest to the spider mouse, and Woods easily threw Lauren in front. Women and children first? I don't think so. And then he says, you screamed, that's what scared me. I'm like, yeah, not the thing crawling across. That's what scared me. What's that, dude? Oh, he does some editing. He got me by myself earlier on. L.O.B. L.O.B. just made me... Yeah, I can't say, you can't play any of my stuff. We had to edit everything out of it. Mine is anticlimactic, though, isn't it? You're just like, what is that? Let's play it. Of mice? Really? I mean... He told me that there was mouse droppings in the room. That's how he started with all of us. And I wanted to leave. Yeah. I wanted to leave because I hate rodents. Who doesn't? Hate rodents. Besides snakes. See, I'm not afraid of snakes. I'm not afraid of snakes. I'm not afraid of spiders. Snakes like mice. I'm afraid of rodents. Yes. Don't like them. That's the big deal with mice. You sound like I keep us killed. I wonder why.

38:10So you hear Woods' reaction. Mike, all you did was very calm and go, what is that? What is that? Well, the thing is, is that the wire, I think I felt it. You did. You felt Jay's wire. It was hanging. We have an Obama mask on the wall here. It was hanging underneath Obama's nose like a mustache. And we were like, ha ha, the engineers made a mustache out of my hair. Yeah, Lauren and I. pointing at it, and I'm like, no, it's some sort of booby trap. And then next, the spider mouse came out. A couple of morons. Do you still have the spider mouse, Jen? Oh, yeah. Can we get a picture of the spider mouse? I'll get a picture. I mean, it's a scariest thing. It's petrifying. I love Sienna's moment before the moment. They're telling me they thought we had mice in here. I love that. My eyes got huge. Tim the Toolman Taylor. Maddie and Sienna win. I gotta hear Jay's daughter one more time. We should play that throughout the morning. You notice how my daughter doesn't cuss either. Everybody in the building here, they're sailors. There was a young woman in this building. We couldn't play hers back. We couldn't play anything from it. Oh my goodness. Because it was just a stream.

39:35Yeah, it was just obscenities put together. I love it. Anyway, let's see. 5701949 is our number. We have a prize we can give away? Absolutely. Let's do a best scream like a girl contest, but you got to be a guy. I'm going to give them anniversary bash tickets. Oh, right on. All right, so if you're a guy and you want to go to the FM949 8th anniversary bash. Call us at 570-194-9. Maybe you guys show them how it's done. You got to be a guy and you got to scream like a girl. Wow. Whoa, whoa. Was that second one, Jay? Yes. Wait, that was a clip. I thought that was a clip too. Let me hear it, Jay. Wow. I see where Maddie gets it. He's a great girl screamer. That will be on his grave. He was a great girl screamer. Great girl screamer. All right, yeah, we need guys to call us. 570-1949, best girl scream. Welcome back. Yeah. So sounded like Gary. It's a Mikey show. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, the whooping cough has set a new county record. This is seriously very, very, very serious.

41:23Ten infants have died in the state of California, including two in San Diego County. A record 743 cases have been confirmed so far in San Diego County. I mean, this is nuts. It hasn't been this bad since 1950. So if you're not vaccinated, you haven't got your babies vaccinated. I just got vaccinated for all the stuff for Haiti. I got vaccinated for whooping cough. Good for you. And whooping cough also is tetanus too. You get that. You get them both at the same time. Sage just got her two-month shot yesterday, which was awful. Yeah. But, I mean, it's just so important. It's terrible. Also, NASA has found fresh evidence of water on Mars. Yes, melted snow or ice is what they think. Really? Yeah. If they got water... Maybe they got life. Maybe there's aliens up there. You never know. That's why yesterday the big story was about NASA going to send people out there and leave them on Mars. Not coming back. Must miss. Imagine. No thanks. I would never. I mean, you've got to have no family, right? Yeah. And be like, yeah, I'll go. Or have them and decide to give it all up for the love of science. Or maybe your wife is an astronaut.

42:28And she's going with you. Or maybe your wife is that lady from that tornado video we played the other day. Yeah. Who was, give me the camera. And the guy's like, just take me. You know what? I'll go. I'll go. I'm signing up right now. Get me out of here. Yeah. Get me out of here. Do you think that guys that have low credit ratings are like, you know what? I'm going to sign up. Can't do anything here. Yeah. What are you going to do? You're going to take me? You're going to foreclose my house? Get a real nice house there, I hear. Yeah. Maybe Randy Quaid. Maybe Randy Quaid. Yeah. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, this is a pretty funny story of this clown from Dallas, Texas, who decided that he was going to quit his job so that would free him up to watch the Texas Rangers play baseball. Yeah, this gentleman here, his name is Boris Briskin, said, you know what? I don't really need to work. I want to stay home and watch baseball. They haven't been in the playoffs since 1999, so I'm out. Wow. Yeah, quit his job. That's dedication. What did he do? Sat on a friend's couch, moved in with her friends, and watched baseball. Oh, wow. How did that make the news? I don't know what his career was. It wasn't in there. How did it make the news? Because he quit his job to watch baseball. I know, but how did the press find out? Oh, I don't know. Did he call him and go, hey, just want to let you know. Probably. Just come to my job. I'm watching their game. Probably. And I've got some interesting numbers for you that you may find interesting about the Chargers-Titans game. The Chargers are ranked in the NFL first in total offense.

43:48First in total defense, seventh in points scored, and 17th in points allowed. Now, the Titans are no slouches either, man. But they are 24th in total offense, fifth in total D, second in points scored, and third in points allowed. So this could be a pretty good game between these two. The only good thing for the Chargers is that both quarterbacks for the Titans are dinged up. So we will see probably a healthy dose of Chris Johnson, who is... Pretty filthy. Yeah, Chris Johnson doesn't play for our team. Right, he plays for the Titans, Norf. Oh, all right. That's what I was saying. What number is he? I don't know, 23, 32? I don't know our numbers either. I don't. What's your record, Norf? I think we're 2-5. You're 2-5. That's right. How are you first in defense and offense? I'll tell you how. We've got a great team. That doesn't... We got a great team. We're first in offense. You guys are going to catch fire any day, right? That's the bit here. I think we're about to go on a streak. Right. It would have to be a very juicy streak. I think we're going to win about two in a row, and then we'll probably take it to the house. Yeah. Why not? Why not? Well, enjoy your last year here, man. All right. Oh, ouch. Got a lot of guys that want to scream like a girl. You ready for this? Yes. M1 Scuff, scream like a girl. That's a good one. Wow. Handle line. M1 Mick.

45:12From IB, scream like a girl. We need proof that they talk like a man first. M1 Pedro from Chula Vista, scream like a girl. M1 Zach from El Cajon, scream like a girl. Real good. I want to hear that one again. M1 Daniel from Studio M, scream like a girl. Right in the studio. Oh my God, that scared me. Not bad. Scared scene is so bad. Sienna didn't realize that we're called Studio M. Yeah, Studio M. I wasn't paying attention to the location. M1 X-Ray from El Cajon, Scream Like a Girl. Wow. Man. All right, so we got to have a scream off. We got Daniel for sure. Yeah. We got Zach. Zach and X-Ray. And X-Ray. Top three. Those are the top three. All right, Zach, Scream Like a Girl Again. Wow. Pretty good. Daniel, Scream Like a Girl Again.

46:19Unfair advantage. Not enough link. Zach's was longer. And M1 x-ray one more time. You're doing hard. I got to go x-ray on that one. I think I may go Zach. I go Zach. I'll just go F myself. You guys all did good. You win for the costume. You guys win the costume. Yours is costume of the year. Zach, you're a winner. He speaks. You did really good, Zach. Thank you. You're very welcome. Hang in line. That'd be awesome. You are a great screamer. You're a great screamer, bro. Hang in line. It's a great parlor trick. Yeah, it is. Okay, we got to get the good scary music on for this next interview because this is going to be good. We're going to be talking to a guy that is a zombie expert.

47:21No, Woods. You might actually like this. Who knows? Guy's a zombie expert. Are you there, David Murphy? What? Zombie music. I'll give you something else. How about this one? You like this one? Is that scary? It's got that feel, I think. You know, the little musical instrument the beat boys used to use. That's right. Totally. Yeah. Totally. David P. Murphy's a living, breathing guy that knows about zombies. He's a zombie expert. I got a PhD. He's got a PhD, guys. How many times have you said that? So you're a fake expert. What's today? Yeah, I've said it a few times. As far as I know, I'm the only zombie writer who has the PhD, which is an advanced degree that I got at the Port-au-Prince Capon Academy. Okay. Fake degree? Yeah. You made it on the internet. David. And your point is what? I have Microsoft Word, too. David. It's on the internet. This must be real. Now, David, the reason we had you on is because you're a zombie expert. It's Halloween, and I want to know, like, zombie stuff. Tell me some really handy recipes for brains.

48:47What? David, hang on a minute. Hang on. My sports guy's got his head back and his mouth open and he's falling asleep because he's not into it. He's not into zombies. And I think that zombies are very popular. Most zombies are very popular because they are us. We are them. On YouTube, he has a dating service for zombies. Yeah, listen to this. Listen, listen. Profile in stiff competition. She's beautiful. He seemed really smart, funny. You don't see that a lot. They're zombies, Woods. I guess you could say I just liked him for his brains. Look at Woods. Stiff competition. The first dating service. This is like stiff competition. Do the zombies look like us? Oh, no, they're zombies. They have big open wounds in their faces. But they're like bloody and stitches. Isn't that a nice humanitarian effort? That's from the first book. That's right. Now, do zombies really look like us? Hell no. No, they look like the undead. Which is, you know, unsavory.

50:17And there's a whole social stigma attached to it. Are you dressed like a zombie right now, David? Huh? Are you dressed as a zombie right now? Hey. No. Ballerina. You know, I reserve that for the special moments. Okay. Halloween's coming. That's kind of a special moment. Yeah. Hey, it's the only moment. It's the only moment. Woods has some... I have some nice good clothes together for the event. Woods, wake up. I'm awake. I'm just in awe. And I'll have a little veal behind my ears. Woods has a question for you. Sure what? Does your mom know that you're on the phone right now? You guys. Woods. What? Stop it. This is a serious zombie interview. It is not. This is serious. There's no zombies. Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore Woods. Have you ever seen that documentary Night of the Living Dead? That's a documentary. It's not a documentary. It is a documentary. It's in black and white. Let's review some of this kind of a joke. Yes. Good. Some of it. At least you admit it. That's all I wanted to hear.

51:21That's all I needed to know. There's some creepy stuff going on down there. I know. I'm about to go. The book is Zombies for Zombies, The Play and Workbook. Yeah, yeah, there are two books. There's two books. Original Flavor and New Menthol. Boy, that was... I liked it. That was a good one. I liked it. Well, David... You saw Invisible Invaders when you were a kid, scared you real bad, right? You had the whole dirt on me. Right. And then after you saw that, you decided that you were going to make this into a career. Some detours along the way, but I've had a chance to write two of these books now. I'm working on a third. It's great fun. I can't believe the number of zombie fans that are out there. People just love them. I know they do. Face it, they're the common man. They're not like those pasty and frou-frou vampires. Who can even relate to them? Lauren, do you have a question? David, are you pissed about the whole resurgence of vampires and stuff like that? Yeah, what about zombies? How come they don't get all the... Oh gosh, zombies are getting all kinds of love right now. Are you kidding me? With Zombieland and those goofball Boston books and stuff. I feel like all I ever see is vampire, vampire, vampire. When he does a book signing, he has people that show up dressed as zombies. I went and looked at all his YouTube stuff. It's insane.

52:53Well, listen, David. Gee, it's no wonder our country has huge debt and unemployment. Look who's talking to Elvis. Yeah, Elvis was a real person. It's a relief. 43 people in the studio. What the heck is this? There is. There is 43 people in there. Your station alone is keeping our economy afloat. That's true. Well, David P. Murphy, we appreciate you coming on the air and talking to us about zombies. And your book is Zombies for Zombies, the play and workbook. And you got another one out, too. And people can go find it on Amazon, right? Barnes and Noble, Borders, et cetera. Can I just say this? A quick summation. Three words will sum up just how stupid the play and workbook is. I say that proudly. All right. Zombie paper dolls. There you go. Zombie paper dolls. You can put the male zombie in a banana suit. You know what? You can take the zombie out of the guy. No, you can't. After he's been bitten, you can't take the banana out of the zombie. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, David P. That's David P. Murphy, ladies and gentlemen.

54:11Probably the nicest guy ever. When was the last time he saw a naked woman? It doesn't matter. He's probably married to a real hot chick. Yeah. Oh, no. Of me? You talking to me? Yeah, I was. I'm talking to you. Why? What now? Don't you realize that there has been a resurgence? No, I don't. I'm married. I've got, you know, we're adopting a kid. I got real stuff to worry about. Bills. I'm not worried about zombies and vampires. It's fake. First of all, David P. Murphy is... He might be. Three of his book signings. I'm not surprised. At all. CBK. What? Are you dressed like a sexy nurse right now? That's so funny. He's dressed like a Princess Leia, LLB, you know that. I tried to get the Princess Leia costume for you, hoping that you'd come into the studio, but they were out of it. That is so funny, I forgot to laugh. Did you buy the last one?

55:13What? Did you buy the last Princess Leia Foster? Don't try to stir the subject away from what you just did to Mr. Murphy. I didn't do anything to him. You insulted his intelligence. I did not. You insulted his integrity, and you insulted the integrity of zombies and the whole culture. The zombie establishment. It's fake. Zombie culture's been around for a long time, Wood. Maybe you should try and look into it. I don't want to. Play sports. And if you must know... I'm dressed as DJ4 from Halo 3. Captain Buzzkill, what's the difference between a zombie and the undead? A zombie is a person that feeds on flesh. The undead can be alive, but not necessarily feed on human flesh. They can also feed on protozoa. Protozoa? Wow. So which one are you? I'm neither one. I just have an interest in both. Of course you do. Jeez.

56:17Of course you do. You love me. I don't love you. I love Jagger and Christy. Do you call in to them? No, because I don't say I'm on the radio anymore. You can still call in. They don't accept your calls over there? I'm not just going to call in if I don't know what the topic is. It's probably Kraft, so you can call in on that. I got the phone! Here he comes. Isn't it you, Sienna? What? What? I didn't say anything. Was that you? No. That was your Russian bride? Yeah. I am going to... I think it's your mom in the background yelling for you to get off the phone. Yeah, she's got a juice box for you. Walter! A yoo-hoo. Walter, Walter, Walter. I will see you. If you say my name in the air again. This is your Russian bride, Walter. I want big boy come home to my house.

57:29Wow. Wow. Really upset when he started with the Russian bride thing. It was a forceful hang-up. A little too close to home. He gets so upset about it. He knows a lot about zombies in the end. Yeah, he does. That zombie interview was terrible. What do you mean? He was so nice. Listen, I thought that the guy was going to talk about some zombie stuff, but... You were making fun of him the whole time. Mikey, you made fun of him the whole time. Mikey, did you not have no questions planned? You just wanted to... Punk Woods. The best interview is when you just ask the questions that you want to know. You don't even prepare. You and Woods did not give him the chance to answer any questions because you guys were making fun of him. True story. I felt bad. I did not feel bad. I did. He's so nice and so fun. The guy was really nice. Now let me ask you something. Let me ask you a question. Party poopers. What do you think?

58:34What do you think of this? John Mayer has done this thing called the age of Bieber where he's raising money, but listen how he's doing it. Almost a million people die every year from malaria. And of that number, 85% die under the age of Justin Bieber. You can change that. A simple $10 mosquito net can save a child. With your help by buying a malaria net for just $10, we can help by the end of the year. To get these kids to Bieber. Next year, we'll go Jonas Brothers. After that, Twilight Kids. But baby steps. Baby steps. Text the word NET to 85944 and make a $10 donation to Malaria No More today. It's real. It's real? I think it's awesome. Listen, listen. Let's make Malaria No More. Let's get them to Bieber. Visit MalariaNoMore.org to find out how you can make a difference. It's true, and it's a lot of comedians, and they're taking a funny... take with it, but they really are saving lives. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a D way to do it, but I'm kind of in on the cause. It gets your attention, I guess. It gets your attention because at first when I heard it, I was really angry. Yeah. I was hurt, sad, and fearful. Mm-hmm. And then I went to the website and it's real. Yeah. And they're really helping to save lives. That's probably the trick. Let's get them to Bieber. Let's get them to Bieber. The trick is to be like, is this real or are these guys just jerks? Mm-hmm.

59:58And, I mean, think about the people that would never normally donate the money, like these young girls and stuff. Now they probably will because they're Googling Justin Bieber. They see that. They see that. They do it. All right. Best cities in America to move to has been released. Every year they do this. The best cities in America to move to. What do they got? San Diego. These are based on cost of living, crime rates, number of colleges, how healthy the population is, you know, museums, shows, stuff to do. Is Ohio on the list? Ohio's not a city. That's a state. It is France on there. Portugal. How about Chad? Is Chad on there? The nation of Chad. I have the top 10. Indianapolis. Indianapolis? Yeah, I've always heard that. It's actually really, really inexpensive to live there. Yeah, it is, but it's Indianapolis. That's true. Denver. Cold. Denver is really cool, though. Yeah, but it's cold. It's actually, they have more days of sun than in Dallas. Really? Than anywhere. Yeah, than anywhere. That was my dad's big selling point on moving my mom there. She's like, oh, really? And they moved there, it was freezing. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeah. Get it. It's all snowy. Negative seven every day. Madison, Wisconsin. Same thing. I've heard that for years. Sounds nice. Madison is a gorgeous, gorgeous town. In July. Yeah. You can enjoy all these places for one month out of the year. I'm going to say this one wrong.

1:01:24Uh-oh. Des Moines? Yeah, Des Moines. There you go. Yes! There's S's in there. It freaked me out. My brother called it Desmonese when he was a little kid. Des Moines. Yeah. Okay. I'm really proud of myself. Good for you. Austin, Texas, number five. Would move there. If I had to move back to Texas, that's where Jamie and I would move. Fort Worth, Texas, number four. Where's my family's from? Number three, Omaha. Nebraska? Somewhere in middle America. Number two, Buffalo. Hideous. I'm sorry if you're from Buffalo. I spent some time there. It's hideous. Is the guy writing this list just like mainlining smack? That's ridiculous. It's all based on how much it costs. The top ten best cities to relocate today. No. The number one. Any guesses? Charleston, South Carolina. Albuquerque. Think of the theme that they've all been called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chicago. I'm wearing Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. Yes. Really? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Oh, boy. GIT. GIT. Don't want it. That's that. Nice place to visit. Beautiful city. Why not San Diego? Because it's expensive. I mean, it's expensive. I know, but like. But that's the top place to relocate. It's so expensive that it can't be on any list. Yeah. Because it's so expensive. Yeah.

1:02:46Nissan, they've recalled two million vehicles. We're going to tell you which ones. Sienna wrote something in her recap. Did I? Holy cow. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. Sienna has breaking news. Yes, there's some suspicious packages that have been found on numerous planes. Two flights have been grounded in Philly, one in Newark, and one in New York. Now they're thinking it's a bomb. There's bomb squads there. All over the TV right now showing these planes just sitting on the runway and no one's moving right now. So hopefully the bomb squad will get there and everything will be taken care of. But again, two flights grounded in Philly. So far, one in Newark and one in New York. Airports on heightened alert. Crazy. Hopefully everything is okay. That's terrifying. Let's see.

1:04:37Because this is breaking news. Let's see what they're saying. An explosive or look like, you know, something? No, you would try to disguise it. And that's what we've been seeing. So, you know, we've heard about something trying to disguise in a toner cartridge. You know, could that be something? Yes. Are they looking at that's what they're looking at? Could it be possibly out of Yemen? That's always a good possibility. Okay, let's pick it up from there. So if you have the... Toner cartridge possibly manipulated. Again, this is on the flight from Yemen to Chicago. Then what has triggered the heightened alerts in Philadelphia, Newark, UPS trucks being looked at, Queens, Brooklyn? What are the dominoes that are going on here where we have such heightened alerts in so many places? Well, as I said, this apparently is new intelligence reporting coming to U.S. intelligence agency, the FBI, if you will, from where? We don't know. And we shouldn't is how things are generated. They take a look at the intelligence. They analyze the intelligence. You know, is there a specific threat? We don't know at this point. We do know this. All I know is those dudes that do that are smarter than I am. Oh, my gosh. They are good. I don't like about the news, though, these days is that when something happens and before anything really happens, you get four hours of coverage on.

1:05:49a non-story now it may turn into a story but you know they're like well they found suspicious Right. I know. That's all that they found. But they're like, we're going to bring in a toner cartridge expert right now. We're going to bring in the guy who used to work at Xerox. Don't you think it sounds like they found a toner cartridge that had been manipulated? Yeah, and they said it tested negative for explosives. Oh, I didn't hear that. But the problem is now with everyone having Twitter and texting and stuff, if people started to be like, my plane was pulled over, blah, blah, blah. Right. If the news didn't report on it, it'd be like, what are they hiding? It's like, but it's always like you watch something and something will happen. They're like, yeah, we're going to bring in the latest technology. This guy is from Oxford, England, and he has nothing to do with what's going on. He's speaking for hours about something that has nothing to do with what's really going on right now. It's overkill. And I guess that's what we've come to. For sure, and I'm guilty of it because I'll...

1:06:42I'm the egghead that will watch it. My wife, too, will sit and watch freaking CNN on one story for seven hours. I will, too. I go, here's me. I walk in. I go, what's going on? She goes, oh, there was a possible shooting in Lawrence, Kansas. And I'm like, oh, all right. I leave. And I come back seven hours later, and she's still watching. Me, too. I just don't know anything yet. That's me. That's me. I'll hear the same report from 90 different witnesses. Yeah. And I'll watch that for seven hours. But he wants to watch the whole thing on Bigfoot. He'll go, hey, what's that whole thing about Bigfoot, Jay? Sure. You'll watch stuff. You'll watch some crazy stuff. Remember the Bigfoot thing you sent all around for a long time? You're like, dude, you've got to watch this thing. Oh, yeah. Well, we got gold from that, dude. Yeah. That's why I watched that. You'll watch some crazy stuff. That's true. So we're talking to Sienna, and I'm reading her recap here. And Sienna didn't realize yesterday. That when she went to, she just had a baby, Sagey. It's a little Sagey. A little Sage. And she had to go where, home? Well, she had her two-month checkup where she had to get four shots, which was the worst.

1:07:52Moment of my life. Ten moments of my life. And we had to go run some errands afterwards. Went to the grocery store. I had to go to CVS. You know, the usual things. And I run into people that I know all the time when I'm running errands. I get home and my husband's already home from work. And he likes to point out, or he decided to point out, that I had one of her little cartoon band-aids directly across my boob. As if it was covering one of... My nips. Yeah. Wow. Like, the placement was perfect. Yeah, so everywhere you had been yesterday, everywhere that you had been thought that you were some creepy pervert with a thing on your nip. Well, I had the baby with me, but you couldn't see her band-aids because her clothes were covering them. So I just, like, it was humiliating. It was Looney Tunes. It was a weird day. It was a weird day. Yeah, can I tell you what else happened when I got home? Sure. This is bad. Oh, boy. That's every day. Yeah, that's a regular turn. This was later in the evening, and my stepdaughter Jen was with us, too. And one of Todd's friends was over. And we're standing outside my house, and we can see one of my neighbor's house you can look in.

1:09:03And he was watching something interesting on TV, something for adults that they usually watch on their own. Does it rhyme with borno? Yes. Or born? Or corn? Or corn, yes. Cornography? Or horn? Yeah, does it rhyme with hornography? Yeah, and I mean, from where we were standing, you could see everything. Like Cinemax? Late night? This is hardcore. This must have been a DVD. Oh, boy. DVD corn is big time. It was hardcore. It was tard tour. Tard tour corn. And so, I mean, Todd and I and his friend, more embarrassing, was the one that saw it. It was like, dude, is your neighbor watching horn? And I was like, oh my God. I guess you look over and you can see everything. Oh, wow. Were your neighbors like a 16-year-old kid? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My neighbor is like a 70-year-old man. No, no, no, no, no. Who needs it more? No, no, no, no. About the same. And his wife must have been out of town because I've never seen this before. Oh, wow. Maybe not. Windows open, big flat screen on the wall. You have to. You've got a baby. You've seen it before. Well, you know, on their TV. How long did it go on? Easy, an hour and a half.

1:10:23So you guys watched for an hour and a half? That's what Todd and his friend did. So I went inside. I was with the baby and Jenna keeping them inside now. So wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you looking through a bedroom window? No, it's the living room, the downstairs. Oh, what a creep. You can see. Watch it in your bedroom. Well, if his wife is out of town or something. I mean, I don't know. Who needs more than five minutes of it? Yeah, what do you need an hour and a half for? All I know is that, I mean, you can't. I can't see him. I can see the flat screen on the wall. Thank God. Thank God is right. But I knew that he was in there because the lights were on and later the lights were off. Couldn't see any shadows on the wall? Any hand puppets? No. But you guys, I'm sitting there. Can you turn his mic off? No. I'm sitting there and, of course, first we all die laughing. But then I'm like, okay, Jenna's right inside. She could walk out and, I mean, if she were to look over, she would see it. I have a theory. What? I believe that that creep wanted people to know. No, he's not a creep. I know him. Well, why would you, if you know people can see you, why would you leave your windows open? I don't know. Maybe he didn't know you could see. He doesn't know what the purpose of a window is? An open window? Well, sometimes when there's a glare and you can't see out, you just assume people can't see in. You live in a house that you don't know what, like you've never looked out your window. Here's the deal, L.O.B.

1:11:46You're not familiar with the art of war. And I'm just going to call it war. Okay? Going to war. You're not familiar with it. When a man goes to battle. When a man goes. She just creeped me out. She did? Me too. She's the filthy. You know, listen. I don't mind talking about adult topics, you know. But when you have. But when you got Miss Piggy over here. Dressed as Miss Piggy for Halloween. L.A.B. When a man goes to battle. Uh-huh. He makes sure that he's in a very secure, hidden... He's covered his tracks. He's in a bunker is where he is. He's in a bunker. He thought he was in the nest. He's like, my wife's not home and that's all I have to worry about. A man, wife home, wife not home, kids home, kids not home. You're in the trenches with a thing over your head and you're hiding. Let's ask Jay. A man and a soldier. Just a man and a soldier. That's all it is. You know how 70-year-old guys will go to the grocery store and they don't care that their jeans come just below the boobs? You know what I'm talking about? And the reason for that is because they don't care. They don't care anymore. They don't look when they back up anymore either. So do you think that this pervert was like...

1:13:09You know what? I don't care anymore. I don't care. I don't care who sees it. I don't care if my hot neighbor next door watches me going to war with myself watching adult movies. She didn't see him going to war. Yeah, I didn't see him. The thing is we have a wall in between our house and you can't see him. His TV just happened to be up on the wall and you can see the TV and you can't really see much else. I'd leave a note. I'd throw a tennis ball at his window. See, but the thing is that he's on the corner house, and so the only house that could see in would be mine. So it's very obvious that if I were to write a note, if anything, it was me that saw it. So I'm like, how do I go about this? Dear creep, please do me a favor. Can you buy some blinds or curtains? Or, here's a crazy idea. Go to your freaking room. Well, maybe he fell asleep. I think I'm going to... He might have. His return note would read... Excuse me while I whip this out. No, I'm... Okay.

1:14:31Can I turn his mic on? Oh my gosh. The creepiest thing about that is when Jay plays drops, he mouths them. I know. He does. Fully mouths them. So I kind of have an idea of what I might do. Because a few weeks ago, we think this same neighbor may have sprayed our dog with his hose over the fence. Dead man. Dead man. Because she was barking and she came in and she was wet. And Todd walked out and saw that he was... watering his lawn. Oh, I was. I almost went over there. Todd's like, don't, don't. We're not sure if it was him. We're pretty sure, but we're not sure. This sounds like a case for me. It could have been an accident. He's holding Zipper by its neck, and he's got a hose in one hand. Todd's like, I don't know. I don't know. I was so mad. This guy has hose issues. I know. Zipper wasn't even, she's not that much of a barker, but she does bark sometimes. So what I'm thinking is if he ever does anything to the dog or anything ever again, I'm walking over there when his wife is home, and I'm saying, hey,

1:15:33Mr., remember this date on this time when you were doing this? And I didn't say anything to you about that, you know? What? It's payback. I say you write a note. It's payback. Write a note. You know, this might be popular, but if your dog kept yapping in your backyard and you weren't doing anything about it? I told you. Jay? I told you that he doesn't. It's a water hose. The water's not going to hurt. I'd slit your throat. Water's not going to hurt. I can spray my dog. You can't spray my dog. If your dog, if my dog's yapping in the backyard and I don't do anything about it, trust me, you can spray my dog. All day long. Jay, you can't do that. Absolutely. Jay, what about your kid crying? Can somebody spray your kid if your kid's crying? If I'm not doing anything about it, I guess it'd be okay. Hold on, hold on. I'm going to say this too. Dogs aren't kids. They're my kids. What if you write a note? When you have a kid, you'll know. I thought about it. All I could envision was Jenna walking out and seeing it. She's nine years old, and I would have killed him. For her to look and ask me, what if I didn't see it or Todd didn't see it, and she walked out and she saw it and came in with questions? You write a note to him, and you tape it with Scotch tape to his door. I'd say keep an eye out. If he does it again, then I would knock over there and be like, this is the second time, pal. Or just ask him if you can borrow it. Hey, clown puncher, maybe don't do this anymore.

1:16:47Yeah. Clown puncher. I just, yeah. I was just, I had to bring it up because I was, what do you do? I would write a note and the note would say, don't know you? Friendly neighbor? Just wanted to let you know. It's not really a friendly neighbor. Okay, okay. My other ones are. I would say, hey neighbor. Howdy neighbor. Howdy ho. Howdy ho. I'd say, howdy neighbor. Just wanted to introduce myself. I'm the. Person that lives behind you and just wanted to let you know that whatever you're watching, I'm watching. Yeah. Because I can see through your window. You'd leave that note. Smiley face? Smiley face. And that would probably, he'd be like, oh gosh, embarrassing, you know? But if he's 70, he might not have remembered what it is you're talking about. He'd be like, she doesn't like Columbo? Mikey. Who doesn't like Wheel of Fortune? What if he, in turn... walked over to your house and you got to face that scene. Oh, that would be okay. The apology scene? The only reason that I'm not doing it face-to-face is because I don't want to embarrass him. But if he's willing to talk about it, we can talk. You could be him. You could be him. I'll tell you the conversation. Pants still at his ankles. Are you Mike? Can we shut his microphone off? Remember, I talked to him the other day. I said, Jay, please, it's okay if you make your weird comments, but not 90 in two seconds. All right, ding dong. Hi, hello.

1:18:07Hi. Oh, boy. You're supposed to be me. I'm your neighbor. I got your note. Oh, yes. Yes. What were you referring to? I was referring to you had your TV on the other night and you were watching porno. Corn. Yes, I was watching porno. Yeah. My seven-year-old almost got to see it, too. Okay. That's it. That's it. Now he's embarrassed. Now he's embarrassed, you know? Yeah, but okay, then I'm never going to want to see him again after that. Do you really want to now? I don't want to move. I like Robin. I would move. Well, not only that, but are you really going to be playing Parcheesi with this guy or something? No, but I don't want an enemy living next door. No, no, no. He's not going to be an enemy. He's already an enemy. It's an enemy. When he sprayed my dog, he's already an enemy. Oh, yeah. If, if, if he sprayed the dog. He sprayed the dog. That's what Todd said. I know he did it. If he did. You know, you got to catch him spraying the dog. And then you say, hey, listen, please don't spray the dog. I can come over. I have mad detective skills. Oh, yeah. I know. Me and Jamie with his wife. We'll sniff it out. See, Todd is very rational. He's like, well, it could have been this. It could have been that. I'm like, no. It's porno creep. It's the porno hose guy. His hose issues. That's great. Let's see. M1 O'Reilly from Oceanside is on the line. Are you there, O'Reilly? Go ahead.

1:19:29going on for a number of years we had a neighbor that actually had a couple dogs they'd leave their sliding glass door open all the time and these little white dogs would just come in and out all the time and whenever I'd go in the backyard I'd go to barbecue or to relax or whatever these little yapper dogs would just come back there and just non-stop just sit there and bark and bark and bark and bark and they just wouldn't shut up and they weren't home and so then you know I'm back there trying to relax so that's exactly what I do you know obviously How'd that work out for you? Yeah, exactly. Why don't you just say to the owners, you know, like, don't mess with my dog. That's my bad if my dog is barking, not my dog's. Yeah, why don't you just spank my kid in a restaurant? My dog doesn't know. I agree with Woods. Listen, if the guy doesn't stop the dogs from barking, why don't you just say something to the guy? Yeah, say something to the guy. Well, we have to let our dogs out into the backyard, otherwise they'll go to the bathroom in our house. I said, well, that doesn't do very good for me. I'm back there trying to relax, and your dogs are barking and barking. And so it just becomes inconsiderate. And so this is the best way I can do it, short of calling the dog pound. Hang on. Woods. They're dogs. Woods. Question. Question. I agree with you. Talk to you. Go over. Say, hey, man.

1:20:50Can you help me out with this? It's happened to us, and we're like, oh, my God, we're so sorry. We're so sorry. We're so sorry. And we do our best to try to keep him quiet. And I think you do. But it sounds like, in this case, the guy would let his dogs out, and they can stay out there for an hour, and then he'll let them back in in an hour when he remembers about it. I mean, I don't know how that went down in that situation. And here's the deal. If you've got dogs that bark, you shouldn't leave them outside unattended. You should let them go to the bathroom and then let them back in the house. Leaving your dog outside. I mean, you're opening yourself up to something like that happening. M10, really? Your neighbor's definitely in the wrong, too. M10, really? But you don't take it in your own hands. I want you to give me a real answer and not exaggerate it, okay? Okay. How long would they bark? That's barking at me. Okay, but what I want to know is, is that five minutes? No, I'm barking. I'm trying to relax. Whenever he was in the backyard, they barked. He's barbecuing the same. So these were not inside dogs? They run in and out. And they're barking at him. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, they see him and they're barking at him. They can tell that there's something on the other side of the fence. I went to a dog trainer and that's what they said to do. It wasn't a situation then where they were going to let the dogs back in. They were free to come and go as they wish. Yeah, and, you know, in our old house in Dallas, we used to do that. And they could run and play and have a ball.

1:22:16Here, because of coyotes and stuff, we just don't. So we let them out. We watch them. They do bark. When we open the door, they freak out. But we run after them. If there wasn't coyotes, would you just leave your door open and let them run? Absolutely. And if there was a guy living next door, and he was out there in the backyard, and they were out there barking and stuff? We would. We would more than likely, if it got on my nerves because I don't like a lot of noise, I'd be like, hey, shut up. And I'd do that. See, and that's exactly what happened with Zipper. She can run in and out of the house as she pleases. We don't have coyotes. It's not a problem. And the guy was out there hosing his yard. Literally. Exactly. Yarding his hose. Yarding his hose. And so Zipper, and I was very aware of it, and so was Todd. She ran out and she did bark because she hurt him. But it was literally maybe. No more than one, two minutes. It was really quick because we were so aware of her being out there barking that we saw her wet when she came in. We knew it was quick. And you guys have met my dog. She barks when you walk in and she stops. That's it. Ours too. I don't think it's fair if people are inconsiderate. That doesn't sound like you were. No, I'm not. But you know what else is you can't discipline my dog. No. You can't. As my neighbor. Dude, you're 100% right. I don't slap your kid when your kid cries. You're right.

1:23:33You're 100% right. No, it's not. But a hose isn't going to hurt a dog. A slap to a child will. Kids cry, dogs bark. Kids cry because they're upset about something. Dogs cry because they're scared. They're not crying. They're barking. Dogs bark because they're scared. And they bark because they're being aggressive. They're like... No, because they're nervous. One of the trainers that I was taught, he said, get a water bottle, spray water bottle. When they do it... Right. But that's your dog. Give it to your dog. Okay, then you should be home doing it. If you're not home, you just leave your dog out and it's barking at me. No, I would never do that. But you realize if a cop's... If cops were ever involved or something like that, you'd be the wrong guy. Oh, they wouldn't say a word about it getting sprayed with a... You can do whatever you want. You can spray your fence. If your dog's right up against your fence, you can spray right through it, no problem. You could. They wouldn't say a word to you. No, I guess you're right. I guess you're right, but I... We don't have a fence. We have a wall, so there's no excuse. He went over. He went up and over. He went up and over. So let me ask you, though, Woods, you know, because I agree with you. I'm on board with you. I don't think that you should ever spray... somebody's dog, I don't care how bad it's annoying me, I can't spray somebody's dog. Me. Now, and I'm also not down with this. I'm not down with dogs are barking and me going outside and going, hey, shut up. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to yell at your dog either. I would if it went on too long. I wouldn't. Okay, that's just me. Even I would do that. I would yell out the window. Shut up!

1:24:55Well, you can't tell my kid to shut up. I mean, come on, Woods. Jay, really? I'm not taking actions in my own head. Hey, you're telling my dog to shut up? You're telling my child to shut up? You are doing something to my dog physically. You hurt my feelings, Woods. You're doing something physically to my dog. Now, he does raise an interesting point. You can't spray the dog, but you can yell at the dog? I did it from my window. I'm like, hey, shut up! Like that. To a neighbor's dog. Yeah. Like five houses down. Question. What if? I would laugh. I would laugh. I'd be like, oh, boy, we need to shut them up. What if the guy that you did that to comes over and he goes, did you just yell at my dog to shut up? I did. I see Woods' point. I know that in your mind, Mike and Jay, you're like, Woods is totally contradicting himself. But he's not. Because. The feeling that went through my body when I saw Zipper come in wet, I was like, who did that? How dare you? Something touched my dog. My dog is now freaked out. She was already freaked out that she heard someone. And she can't see through a wall, so she doesn't know what's going on. And it was really quick. But if you yell, Zipper would be like, not even pay attention. You know why dogs do this? Bark and act out? Because they're not getting enough exercise?

1:26:08You're not taking them enough places. I mean, that's what they say, is the reason dogs act out like this in your backyard and bark at people is because you're not walking them enough, you're not wearing them out. I mean, we walk her every morning. Todd walks her every morning before he goes to work. She needs more. This is Cesar Malan. That is actually correct. Hello, Cesar. You have to exercise the dog, or if you do not do this, then the dog will become complacent. Yeah. You have to walk the dog. Be the pack leader, right? Yeah, the pack leader. When I do the behavioral training for a dog, I would take them to my little backyard where I have 170,000 dogs. It's like my backyard. And then they all will pee together, and then they get to know one another, and then they become friends. And then they don't do the bark, but they have to pee together, poop together, and then they become friends. Oh, that's perfect. Are you placating me or are you being serial? Am I being serial? Are you being serial? Are you a 16-year-old girl? Okay, fine. I'm trying to help. That's all I'm saying. You meant serious. I'm trying to help. Ooh, that's a good one. Ooh, I love that song. Dude5150. Dude5150 at Yahoo.com. My old email address. Didn't tell you about the Nissans, did I? Nope. Which Nissans have been recalled, Sienna?

1:27:35Well, the March Cube and Note, they're small cars of the Nissans, and apparently they're having ignition problems that can stall the engine. This is the third largest recall ever. Over two million vehicles worldwide. They sold two million of those things? I guess. There's some more. The Titan pickup, Infiniti. Yeah. Wait till I tell you who Billboard magazine says was Woman of the Year. See if you agree. Better not be who I think it is. Maybe it might be. We'll be back. Revolve at Revolver. Welcome back to the show. It's a Mikey show. Anybody not told you about it. Got a new type of toilet paper coming to the market. That's exciting. I love new toilet paper discoveries. I'm not kidding. I love this story. And I'm really not sure why. But it's something that's always annoyed me. And I've never really been aware that it annoyed me. But the cardboard roll in the toilet paper. Yeah. Yeah.

1:29:19They're now making toilet paper without the cardboard roll. It's just toilet paper. All the way in. Right? All the way in. It looks the same, except it's not a perfect roll. It will still fit on the toilet paper dispenser. And it eventually will just run out. Yeah, and so you get every single last drop of that toilet paper on that roll. You know, it works for me because I leave it on the ground anyway. And she, the missus right behind me, flips out. Is it too much to ask to put your toilet paper back on the thing? It still goes back on the thing. I don't put it on there, but it still worked for me. I'm like, babe, there's no hole. There is a hole. There's a hole. There's just no cardboard roll in the middle. It's the same shape. It's the same roll, except there's no cardboard. I'll still leave it on the ground. It saves them a lot of money, I'm sure, not to have that cardboard piece in there. Environmentally safe. Less paper wasted. Like, once I read this, I was like, you know, the cardboard roll did kind of annoy me, and I'm not really sure why, but I'm in on this. Well, of course. Right? There's no reason to have to make us work harder and have more garbage. Yes, and you know when you have to pull the last bit of paper off the roll, and it sticks on the roll, and you're like, ugh, I need this. But how fun is it to take the roll and hold it up to your eye like you have a telescope? No, I don't do that. You guys don't do that? No. All right.

1:30:34I do. I do. Do you put it up with your mouth and go? Yeah. You guys don't do that. You're missing out on so much. I right now am asking myself, am I gullible or does L.O.B. really do that? I do. I do it too. Not every time, but... I do the same. She blew out the wrong end again. I did it on purpose. I didn't think it was going to vibrate like that. My wife, my wife, when the toilet paper is run out, She takes a new roll and she puts it on top of that one. I do that. Yeah. Oh, that's annoying. On the ground. Wait, say it again. So there's the empty cardboard toilet paper thing. Oh. And she takes a fresh toilet paper thing and balances it on top of that. It doesn't sound like her. It's lazy. It doesn't sound like her. It sounds like me or you. I bet I know what she'd say. If we asked her, call her. Okay. Call her. Let's see. I bet this is going to be her answer. Well, you're so particular about which way you like it. She can never remember if it's over or under. Really? She can never remember? Which way do you like it? Over. It doesn't have to hold down. It's over. Why would you do it under, Woods? Because what's the difference? It still comes off the same way. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. One.

1:31:54is harder to do. You have to search underneath it. One's the right way, one's the wrong way. I just give it a spin anyway. When you go to a hotel and then you sprain your wrist trying to get it. It's one of those commercials. You know when you can't get in the toilet paper. How many guests? Count the guests. How many do we have? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. Raise your hand if you're an over. Holy cow. Not everybody. Raise your hand if you're an under. They don't care. The two don't care. You're either ambivalent or you're over. Now, do you do it under because you prefer under? It says over even. Yeah, should be. And the under people, they say, oh, it doesn't matter. I just put it on the ground. It just goes on the ground. Or on the back of the toilet. It goes on the back of the toilet. If you were to go and stay at a hotel and the toilet paper was going under, you could call the front desk and complain and that maid would be fired. It's supposed to be over and then folded into a triangle at the end.

1:33:04Yeah, have you ever been to a hotel woods? I don't know. They make a flower out of it. Oh, Sienna, that was it. Sienna just answered the question forever. I'm going to take a frigging picture next time I go. My wife's on the line. Yes. My wife's on the line. Honey, are you there? Oh, wait, wait. Yeah. Wait, there you go. Sorry, nothing. No, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm freaking out. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Honey. I'm not sure who he is. Yeah, I know. So, babe. You know how you'll do the thing where you'll put the toilet paper on top of the empty toilet paper roll? Yes. Why do you do that? You know what? Mostly it's because I have three little kids like banging on them. In your face, Mike. In your face. She has to do it so quickly. And I mean, like I'm lucky if I even get a chance to go sometimes. I now know how she feels. Sometimes you're holding them on the toilet. Yeah. Done that.

1:34:04So that's kind of, you know, that's primarily why I do it. And then, you know, to be honest, right now it's probably habit because I've done that so many times. Rebecca, just so you know, right now Mike's face is like, why did I get my wife on the phone? Why would I get her on the phone? Why would I even open myself up and put that ball on the tee for her like that? Okay, so babe. Yeah? I understand that you have, you know, and you've got. the three boys, but when you're in this precarious situation, you know, and you're sitting there. Babe, you don't, I mean, you don't understand. Like, the minute I close the door, just crying erupt. Yep. You know what I mean? And that's you, Mikey. And that's just like you wanting a dinner. That's me. They want their mom and that's all they want. Or it's like, I know this sounds silly, but, or it's kind of a dangerous situation where like, They're trying to crawl over each other to get to me. Or maybe I leave the door open because I'm trying to avoid the crying eruption that's going to take me five minutes to calm down. So maybe I'll leave the door open and then one of them is trying to open and close the door. By one of them, you mean Luke? Yeah, of course. No, either one of them.

1:35:28And then, like, the other one's fingers are in the door. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And it's, like, going to pinch their fingers. So I'm just like, oh, my gosh. I just need to hurry so fast. She's being courteous enough to put the new one at an accessible vantage point. You're a big, giant D. Yeah. Big, giant. Pretty much. Pretty much. Pretty much. D. When my kids were little, they would slide. I would get magazines just sliding under the door. And you see little fingers going across the bottom. Yeah. Daddy just needs to. Daddy. Okay. Daddy's coming out. Five minutes. All right, hon. Well, Austin answered. And I know that you're also an under person. Me too, Rebecca. No, I'm not. I don't care. I don't care. You're an ambivalent. It just goes on. Yeah. I don't think anyone's pro under. I am. That's also a product. No, you're not. Pro under. I like it that way. You're just saying that because we're pro over. No, I like it that way. He prefers it. I prefer it. I like to have it and it comes off sweetly. What about when the perforated part is hidden somewhere behind? I give it a spin. Oh, boy. Just give it a spin. You can't spin it like this. You'd have to spin it like this. No, you don't because you'll catch an edge. Trust me. We have argued over this same thing so many times and every time it's the same. I want to convince the world not to do under. Yeah.

1:36:42Mother paper should come with an arrow on the side. I'm going to come into your house and I'm going to switch all of them. I change it at people's house. I'm going to switch Mikey's. Do you really? Yes, it should be over. That's rad. They won't know. That's rad. They won't know. I have mad respect. You've done it before? Yeah. Oh, man. You guys are insane. Imagine if you noticed that someone did that. Now I will. They won't notice. You guys have given me the courage to do that. You should also fold the edges like they do in the hotel. You should fold the edges into an arrow. Yeah. Yes. Woods, I'll change them in your house if I go over. Have a ball. I'll change them in yours. Thank you, honey. Love you. Love you. It'd be a toilet paper war. Weird. Guess who will win? Woods. Me. Don't. Like you'll forget. Don't. Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. So what time are Rebecca and I going trick-or-treating? It's so funny. Oh, boy. You know your wife's in the studio right now. Oh, she's right behind you. Your wife's right behind you. Babe, all of us, what time are we going? And she looks fantastic today. She does look fantastic. I want to squeeze him. Oh, boy. Did the dogs, Jamie, notice that you looked funny? Like with a huge black wig? Yeah, they didn't really want to have anything to do with it. Really? Dogs are like, what's going on? That is funny.

1:37:55570-1949. Phones are blowing up about toilet paper. Of course. Everybody is calling about toilet paper right now. Woods, I can't believe you do that. I like it. I go against the grain. I'm a bit of a rebel. Oh, wow. Let's take a couple calls. M1 Shortstack from Chula Vista. Hi. I have two things. One is I'm with Lauren. I change people's toilet paper. Yeah. I think it's awesome. I do that. I think it's great. I think it's a violation. It's good fun. I think it's a violation. It's good clean fun. You guys are toilet paper rapists. It's good clean fun. You should enforce anything. No means no when it comes to toilet paper. Oh my gosh. Toilet paper can't stick up for itself. And another thing is I have a lot of friends that have cats and they do the under because cats...

1:38:52can play with their toilet paper. I noticed that. I did notice. How annoying would that be if your cat pulled down all the toilet paper? It's hysterical, though, to watch. Imagine if it was the last toilet paper roll. That would be horrible. Speaking of cats, and this is rabbit hole big time, big time rabbit hole. Where? Our cat drove me bananas last night. Why? Because we do a growth group on Thursday night where we got people over. And the cat will jump up on the couch where they're there. And Rebecca, she doesn't care. He's so sweet, Mikey. I understand. Please hear me out on this. He likes to cuddle. Please hear me out on this. He's such a good...

1:39:36Please hear me out on this. Please hear me out on this. Sienna doesn't like black cats. Some people are like Sienna, and they don't like black cats. Not many. Some people don't like cats. Some people are allergic to cats. Okay, they're actually allergic to the cats. It's a bit. Hang on. All right, all right. It isn't a bit. It isn't a bit. It isn't a bit. It isn't a bit. I'm allergic. I need medicine. My nose is runny. You just be careful and your allergies are going to change. My nose is so runny. I hope you get the worst allergies this year so that you know. Have you ever seen someone with severe cat allergies? Yeah, my dad does the fake bit with the cat. I know all about it. It's terrible. But anyway, okay, so we're there and Jules does his thing. And Rebecca doesn't care. She just doesn't care. So last night, I'm not kidding you. One of our friends is sitting on the, what do they call the thing? Ottoman. Ottoman. One of our friends is sitting on the Ottoman. Jules jumps up on the Ottoman and sticks his butt in her face. He didn't mean to. Tail up. That's a good boy. Tail up. And her, and his butt, and she goes, and she goes, ugh. She jumps back. He literally goes.

1:40:47He didn't mean to. I don't care if he meant to or if he didn't mean to. And you got mad at Rebecca. And you got mad at Rebecca. You did? He did, I bet. I go, babe. No, no, no. Rebecca goes like this. I didn't say anything. Rebecca goes, Jules, Jules, Jules, Jules. And so I go. Yeah, babe. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. And Rebecca starts laughing and she goes, what? What do you want me to do? I go, nothing. Let's just say Jules a hundred times. Jules. Jules. What was she supposed to do? Throw something at him? Every single Thursday night. He sticks his butt in one of our friends' face. Every Thursday night. Every Thursday? And she goes, what should we do? I don't know what we're going to do. And I go, babe, can I solve it? And she goes, yeah. So I pick him up and I take him out of the room. I put him outside. I go, be free. It's okay. You can be free. It's all right to be free. I know you want to be back out into the wild. You're going to be out there anyway. Do you put him in the yard? In the backyard. Is he applause? You will kill that thing. He sits there.

1:41:57He goes every – by, that's the other thing. Every day, Jules is outside, and we hear meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. And I go, left Jules outside again. And she goes, oh, I know. He runs out there when we – okay. So I put him – I mean, now he's like inside, outside. He just sits there. Just sits there. But what he – like, there needs to be like an invention. that keeps cat's tails down. Yes. You don't want to look at that. It's called a hose. Jay? I'm not having that, dude. I'm telling you. They like to put that thing on display. They do. They certainly do. And they don't realize that it's not socially okay to show people that. What about spraying? Giving you the stink eye. They will. Yeah, I know. Once that starts, forget it. It's not going to stop once that starts. I'll tell you what. My son Luke is really something else. He sure is. It's really something else. I can't. It's not working for me now. Refresh. Refresh. He just wrote on his mommy's Facebook page. Got some beautiful pictures. I was sick and I couldn't go to the day that they did the picture.

1:44:15Luke sure is passive aggressive. There's a picture of my beautiful wife and our three boys. Luke goes on there and he goes, let me guess. Dad just sleeping? Well, you have to set up the picture. Yeah, it's a picture of all the boys and my wife. Rebecca is sitting perfectly centered on a long couch. Both of the twins are on her lap and Jake is in the other seat, the third seat, and then there's an empty seat. A perfectly empty seat where Mike would have been. But no, he wasn't there. So Luke says, let me guess, Dad, just sleeping or laptop and real good? This a beautiful widow? Now, I got a question for you, and I know we got stuff to get to, but when you were like, hey, babe, I can't make these pictures. I'm sick. Was she like, are you out of your mind? Well, it was like, you know, what are we going to do? You know?

1:45:14She would have dragged me out of bed and be like, you get your ass to that field on that couch. You know what I think it was? I think it was surgery. Oh, is it surgery? That makes sense. I was home from surgery. The sniffles ain't going to cut it. Not in that case. 5701949 is our number, and we have to wrap up because we're going on our big Euda manicure. Yeah. Let's see. First, M1 Courtney, are you there? Yes. What did you want to tell people about? I wanted to tell people to come out to our event on November 6th. That's next Saturday. We're having a fundraiser for autism. We're raising money for family services. And it's a happy hour with some great prizes and some live music. Right on. And where do they go and what do they do? We're at Humphrey's by Humphrey's Backstage Lounge. That's the bar at Humphrey's in Point Loma. And it's from 4.30 to 7.30 on Saturday the 6th. There's no charge to get in, but we are going to have some great prizes, and you can buy tickets to win these amazing prizes that we have. Thank you so much. That's awesome. Thank you very much. Thank you. We appreciate it. Okay, and then I also mentioned to you that we were going to tell you the Billboard. Was it Billboard's Woman of the Year? Yes. Any guesses? Oprah. Who else? No, Fergie. What? Yes, I know. That was really shocking, right? Get, get, get, get, get. She was this year's Woman of the Year.

1:46:40Really? Yep. Wow. 570-1949 if you would like to give us a call. But we got to wrap her up and get out of here. End of the show on Friday. I tell you, it's called my testimony. What that means is my story. But even more than that, what it means is it's my, it's more than just my story. It's my reason. It's the reason that I'm even here. I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for this story. Sometimes I look back on it and I think, man, a lot of the stuff that happened when I was growing up was really bad. You know, if you've heard my story before, you know that I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was a kid. And that is bad. But one of the cool things is that had that not happened, it wouldn't have led to a lot of things.

1:47:45It wouldn't have led to a lot of shame that I felt. Now, this isn't to say that that's good. It isn't to say that that was good what happened to me because it wasn't. It was bad. But what I can tell you is that it led to me getting to a place where I was completely broken down. It led to me getting to a place where I was completely empty and I didn't have any hope. If you feel like that or have ever felt like that, I'd love for you to go to our website. It's Mikeyshow.com. M-I-K-E-Y-S-H-O-W.com. And at the top, there's a little word help and you can click on there and there's a lot of resources for a lot of different things that you can get involved in. And a lot of different ways that you can find help for yourself. If you're addicted to things or if you are suffering from depression, eating disorders, any of that kind of stuff, you can find help for it. What I can tell you about me is that I was terminally

1:48:50I felt so worthless as a person when I was a kid and when I was a teenager that I felt like it would never change. I felt like that feeling would never change. My reality was feeling ugly. My reality was feeling that I was never going to amount to much. I was always trying to be a people pleaser. I tried to... please people at any cost. I just wanted people to like me. Is there anybody that can relate to that, that you just want people to like you? That was me. I would do anything or say anything or act any way to get people to like me. I did that my entire life. 2003, I was completely addicted to alcohol to the point where my dad said that he couldn't have a relationship with me anymore until I stopped drinking. Have you ever asked yourself, why me? I don't mean in a feel sorry for yourself way. I mean in a genuine way. How come all of this is happening to me? Why is it all happening at once? Why does it all seem to be happening at one time? It's just to test you. It's to see who you are. I'm thankful for the things that happened because if they hadn't happened, I would have never cleaned up. I would have never had a relationship with my wife.

1:50:52who, even when I tease her, I'll tell you, I couldn't live without her. She's a gift. She's a gift to me. And so are those boys. I never would have had any of them had it not been for me allowing God to change my life. I never would have had it, any of it. And let me tell you something. The reason why it happened with me is because he took the biggest, slummiest, grossest loser of a guy. and changed me around. He changed me. That's my story that I can tell you with 100% certainty that he did it, not me. He did it. I didn't do it. He did it. I, for almost the first time in my life, can tell you this. I am happier than I've ever been my entire life. And I have Jesus Christ to thank for it. That's a true statement.

1:52:10I love the way LLB puts it. She says, that's a true story. That's a true story. I've never been happier in my life than I am right now. With the people I work with, the job that I have, the wife that I have, and the family that I have, and the God that I have. I'm so thankful. So thankful. Play a song at the end of the show on Friday. And it is a really, really inspirational song because of... where the person that wrote it must have been in their life when they wrote it. I have been in this place. And maybe you're in this place right now. I don't tell you what I think you should do. I only tell you what my story is. And you can take from my story whatever you'd like. But I have been as broken as this guy is when he sings in this song. And this song is about a guy getting to a point where he got broken enough to where he let God into his life.

1:53:17Love you so much, and we'll all be back here on Monday morning. We'll do it over again. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you on Monday. The Mikey Show's out.