The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/01/10
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday November 1, 2010
Another blackout equals another Chargers win and Wade Phillips and Norv Turner empathize with each other before they begin cutting each other down. Sienna reads the released police report on Junior Seau’s domestic violence case. The gang recaps their Halloween nights highlighted by Jay’s haunted house and Sienna’s mom’s block party. LOB breaks down the State Propositions and Sanndra Rossi weighs in. Sabrina describes the heat spell and her boozy weekend. More props from LOB follow and then the boys recap their manicure/massage day. Hear the funny 911 call of the dumb crook (and perhaps a little on the plump side) stuck in a ventilation shaft. Bieber comments on Tom Brady’s hair which leads to salivating over the hunky QB. Sienna reads difficult Arabian names perfectly. Jon Stewart’s big bash for sanity had some Kid Rock, Cheryl Crow, and Kareem’s sky hook! Luke calls in high as a kite on candy and mad as hell about his monkey costume. WoW helps out a guy shackled to a vegetarian woman who doesn’t work and a swearing 6 year old. Jay is shocked that Woods smells his own pants. Sienna and Jay saved their kids’ umbilical cords and this skeeves out Mikey and The Kid. Rebecca then calls in and blows Mikey’s mind when she lets him know she has all of the boys’ cords there in the house! Mike runs out of the studio in an epic freak out. NTT is comedian themed and can you guess who wins? Zak Galifa-nutcase smokes weed on TV and this leads Mikey to reveal his Be Different movement. Tired of mean people? Tired of being a mean person yourself? Then get onboard with this and order your black wristband today! An email about a wife who had breast implants and now dresses provocatively while creeps stare to the hubby’s dismay evokes a huge (get it? Huge?) discussion. LOB talks about what she would do if she had new knots and Jay let’s the creeper comments fly. M1’s call in with first hand experience (that’s) and one M1 calls his wife’s boobs a “train wreck”! Where da gold at? Price wise, Sienna will tell you. How much does it cost to have “The Situation” or other orange Jersey Shore clowns at your party? M1’s text in their phone’s auto-corrections and Mikey tells about his Mexican spaghetti recipe that grosses out the gang. A former Cold Stone employee calls in to back up Woods’ rants against “sample guy”. Audio of Obama losing control of a hostile crowd is played and the Black Eyed Peas see themselves in front of the Mikey Show jury for stealing a song. The Kid loves grocery shopping and LOB enjoys herself in the drive-thru carwash. Sienna reads tips for bonding with your gal. A blind sheepdog story tugs at Woodsy’s heartstrings but gets everyone giggling when Sienna flubs a word.
Bumper Music
| 1. Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World |  |
| 2. Monday, Monday by The Mamas & The Papas | |
| 3. Warning Shots by Thievery Corporation | |
| 4. Bandoliers by Them Crooked Vultures | |
| 5. Bad Luck by Social Distortion | |
| 6. Hyperballad by The Twilight Singers | |
| 7. I Will Follow by U2 | |
| 8. Sour Girl by Stone Temple Pilots | |
| 9. Friends Of P. by The Rentals | |
| 10. No One Knows by Queens of the Stone Age | |
| 11. Breakerfall by Pearl Jam | |
| 12. Don’t Look Back In Anger by Oasis | |
| 13. Somebody Told Me by The Killers | |
| 14. Nightrain by Guns N’ Roses | |
Junior Seau domestic violenceumbilical cord keepsakesProp 19 marijuana legalizationBe Different wristband campaignName That Tune comediansvent rescue storyObama heckledJersey Shore appearance feesHalloween costumes and bobbing for applesDaylight saving time confusionGold value and selling tipsCold Stone ice cream sampling
Mikey led a discussion of the Junior Seau domestic‑violence case, outlining the victim’s bruises, Seau’s arrest, bail, and his fatal Escalade crash. The show featured a heated debate over whether to keep babies’ umbilical cords and placentas, with Sienna advocating preservation and others calling the practice gross. They examined California’s Prop 19 marijuana‑legalization initiative, noting its immediate effective date despite possible federal pre‑emption, and launched the Be Different wristband campaign to promote kindness and truthfulness. Additional highlights included a comedic Name That Tune segment, the bizarre vent‑rescue story, Obama being heckled over global‑AIDS funding, and a rundown of exorbitant fees to book Jersey Shore personalities.
What happened, in order
Junior Seau assault details
The crew discusses Junior Seau’s alleged assault on his girlfriend, describing her bruises, his arrest, $25k bail, and the subsequent Escalade crash.
Prop 19 marijuana legalization talk
The show examines California’s Prop 19, noting it would take effect the day after the election but could be overridden by federal law.
Man stuck in restaurant vent
A former employee crawls into a Harold’s Restaurant exhaust vent, gets stuck for eight hours, and is rescued with butter and cooking oil.
Be Different wristband campaign launch
Mikey introduces the black ‘Be Different’ wristband pact to combat meanness, describing its website and goals of kindness and truthfulness.
Umbilical cord keepsake debate
Callers argue over whether to save babies’ umbilical cords and placentas, with Sienna favoring preservation and others calling it gross.
Name That Tune: Comedians edition
The crew plays a Name That Tune game guessing comedians’ voices, ending in a tie with Lauren eventually winning.
Jersey Shore appearance fees discussed
The crew outlines the huge costs to book Jersey Shore cast members, citing $35,000 for The Situation and lower fees for others.
Obama heckled over global AIDS
Audio plays of President Obama losing crowd control while being shouted about his lack of funding for global AIDS.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsL.O.B.SiennaJayWillSandra RossiRebeccaToddJamieJunior SeauPhillip RiversWade PhillipsAshton Kutcher
30,567 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
My sombrero. Poncho. Mike, you should know this. Come on, man. How come I always confuse it to you? I don't know. I always confuse sombrero and poncho. I think they're the opposite. Yeah, yeah. Welcome. Here we are. It's Monday. And let's do this thing up. These are comfortable. Now I know why your people like these. That's right. They are comfortable. Warm. Ponchos are warm. They're rad. Look, my hands are free. I got hands free. It's like a blanket right on you. It's brightly colored. Yeah. It feels warmer in the studio than it did Friday. Feels great. Friday, yeah. Feels pretty good. It was freezing cold. How does it change the temperature? My wife was in here Friday and she's like, I don't know how you work in that, under those conditions. There's icicles hanging from the ceiling. It's very cold. There can be. Five people on the show. Me, I'm Mikey. I'm 40. Woods is 35. He's our sports guy. L.O.B. is 29. She's our assistant producer. She's wearing a scarf, but I bet it's not really called a scarf. It's probably called something different, and I'm getting it wrong. I think it was called a circle scarf or something like that. Is that a pashmina? Yeah, that's what I thought it was, a pashmina. Not quite, but yeah, I guess kind of. It's a little more sash, I think. A little sashy? Yeah, it is. It's like a fancier. I could not pull that off. Me neither. I don't think I could. No.
Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 years of age. Jay is our producer. And he's 47, although you'd never know it. In fact, he's wearing a Coors banquet beer t-shirt right now. Makes him look 19. Make it a banquet. That's right. That's hysterical. Coors is made with original ingredients. Wholesome, natural ingredients. Barley. Barley. Hops. Hops. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. It's Will. So call us, 570-1949 or text, you little shy guy, 949mikey at gmail.com and get all recovered from Halloween. I brought in some candy for all of us to feast on. I already feasted on three pieces. What did you have? What did you select? A Snickers, a Milky Way. It tastes so good. A little Reese's peanut butter cup. She's going to be zinging out of her mind. We got this email that we're going to do for you at 8 o'clock from a guy whose wife got a boob job, and he is upset about a certain element of it. We'll talk to you about that. Get your take on it. Word of the day today, turkey. So when I say turkey, between now and 10, caller 9 will get tickets to...
A pair of tickets to our FM 94.9 8th anniversary bash, where I will be singing along with the rest of the show. And I did not go to rehearsal this weekend. Weird. Wanted to. It was Halloween weekend. There's a lot going on. To his defense. What if I actually did? Because the truth is, I did. Have a lot going on? No, I wanted to go. The truth is, I wanted to go. Yeah, I wanted to go. I was out of town. I would have been there, but I won't be at the deal. So, unfortunately. That would have been, but it was my anniversary weekend. Aww. It's so cute. 23. 23 years. Congratulations. That's a long time. Unbelievable. Congrats, brother. That was as old as me. Somebody's put up with me that long? That's amazing. It's shocking. Let's see. So, the Chargers won. That's good news. They did? Yeah. How do you know? Chargers won. I read it on the internet. I did, too. Weird that we couldn't watch the game. Couldn't watch it. Yeah, you know why I watched yesterday? What? I watched the Cardinals. Take on the Buccaneers. I know. And I was like, wow, sure would be great to watch the Charger game right now. I know. Especially because they won. Yeah, they won. And Sienna said it, and she's right. It's a lot better when the...
Games are blacked out because that's when I guess we win. Yeah. All three games that have been blacked out are the three games that we've won. Yeah, exactly. The feel that pressure's off maybe. Yeah. Nobody's watching. Let's go. I know it. The three and five. And, you know, it was one of those wins where these can be season changing. I mean, they were not playing well. They were down at half. They gave up another, another blocked punt. Another blocked punt. It's so embarrassing. It's like a high school team. I've never seen special teams. It's like the fourth one this season, I think. Yeah, and if I'm that special teams coach, I may, on my lunch hour, work on my resume a little bit. Yeah. Maybe call the local high schools and say, hey, are you guys by chance looking for anybody with some NFL experience? I don't want to see anybody lose their job, but at this point, when it's happened that much, don't you guys wonder, like, how has that guy not been? Exactly. Exactly. And they missed an extra point, too. Special teams is atrocious on this team. And it's, you know, it's costed them some really, really big games. But they managed to pull it out. And I'll tell you something, man. Phillip Rivers, this kid, his fifth 300-yard game of the season. Did you know he has thrown so far?
for 2,649 yards. It's the most ever by an NFL quarterback through the first eight games of the season. That's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Here's Phillip. It's nice to fill what it feels like to win. It was a tough month. You know, tough four weeks, three weeks, and then... this game until we won so um it was nice to win it was it was uh it was a hard fought emotional win really i mean it was uh it took everything we had and um i guess a good team i think that's wade phillips come on in wade yeah it's all right i'm here too yeah i'm here how you doing i'm all right how are you i'm probably a lot better than you are i finally got a w well i heard uh i heard he gave a big speech and screaming and yelling what'd you say You mean at halftime of the game? Yeah, at halftime. I'll tell you what I said. I needed to do something inspirational. So before the game started, I watched the movie Rudy. That's a good one. That's a good one. Because it gets you all fired up. And I went in there at halftime, and I just started crying. And I said, I don't want to miss. I have a mortgage to pay. I tried that. I got down on my knees, and I put my hands in the prey position. I said, I'm begging you jerks.
I'm begging you moron heads to just do something for me and just win the game. You know, we lost again. Oh, yeah, you guys. We're 1-6. But I was happy because I got to go trick-or-treating last night. All right. We got off early, so I went trick-or-treating. What's your favorite candy? I was Ariel from the Little Mermaid. How sweet. My favorite candy is Charleston Chew. Oh, those are delicious. And Raisinets. And Raisinets. My favorite. What kind of morning are you? Don't you want to win a game for crying out loud? Well, you know, if it comes down to trick-or-treating or winning the game, I'm going to have to go trick-or-treating every time. I don't believe you. I'll tell you, I was pissed when I saw the schedule. And then we had that game on Halloween. Yeah. Because I had, my wife made me this costume about a year ago. And I've been sitting on it waiting. I wear it sometimes. Jackie Gleason. Do I like it? Louie Anderson. I'm trying to guess what you were going to be. I told you I was Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I'm trying to guess what you originally wanted to be. I would have never guessed you'd be Ariel. Oh, I wanted to. I got grandkids and, you know, they like when I play dress up. Did you wear a red wig?
Yeah, long red wig. Gorgeous. Made like a mermaid. Oh, there you go. Hey, Chubby. Are you scared or anything? What'd you say, pit face? Yeah, okay. Maybe there's a little... We don't have to get all personal with each other. Okay, I'm sorry. I called you Chubby. Did you just call me Chubby? I did. I called you Chubby. Now, let me ask you a question. You ever hear of microdermabrasion? Oh, wow. I got you. You don't need to go there. I already apologized to you. I don't know what else you want. Oh, my gosh. When are you going to win the game? Maybe don't worry about it. Maybe you just don't worry about it. I think you both should be worried about it. I got grandkids. I'll probably end up coaching one of their Pop Warner teams. I'm in deep ass. I'll tell you that right now. I really am. I really am. What's his record? One in six. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, Jerry, he ain't talking to me no more. You think you'll still make the Super Bowl play in your own building? Probably not. Yeah. Probably not. Probably not. But I'm going to go get some of that Halloween candy. All right. Go for it. Have a ball. Have a Charleston chew. Thanks. The Seau police report is out, by the way. Yeah. Right? It's been made public. Oh, wow.
Yes, I'm sure you've all heard about the Junior Seau incident, which happened on October 18th. Now, here's a rundown of exactly what happened. Junior Seau's girlfriend of a year was bruised and crying hysterically when she called the police. Officers showed up, saw physical bruising on her body. They came to their beachfront home in Oceanside on October 17th late at night, which is when she made the phone call. Now, let's pause there. See, isn't bruising, like, different? You know, like... If you get into an argument with your girlfriend, she can call the police and say he was, you know, doing this and doing that. And maybe you could if she was really mad, she could even say and he was pushing me around. Yeah. But if they show up and you don't have any marks on you, it's hard to prove. Yeah. Yeah. So it seems very telling to me that.
She actually had marks on her body. Yeah. This is actually, from what she claims, the second time he assaulted her within one week. Oh, boy. Yeah, this is not very pretty. She's 25 years old. She told the officer she was, quote, scared to death of Junior after he grabbed her by the arm that night, shoved her into a wall and dresser while they were arguing in their bedroom. She also showed the officers a dark bruise on her right hand that she said happened when they got in a fight on October 12th. So this was earlier in the week when they were in Solana Beach. He was arrested, as we know, on the 18th, on suspicion of assaulting her. Later in the day, he posted $25,000 bail, drove his 2004 Escalade Cadillac over the cliff in Carlsbad. Now we all know about that. I'm just scanning through here just to let you know. Yeah, because I'm thinking to myself. How did they say that there wasn't going to be anything, you know, filed? Well, doesn't she have to press charges? I love how she's, quote, scared to death, but not pressing any charges. I mean, if you're scared to death of somebody, put them away. Yeah. You know, truly. And in order for something to happen? She's got to press charges. So the state can't step in and the state can't be like, well, it's going to be the...
State of California against Junior Seau, no? No, not without her cooperation. Okay. Yeah. Because then they figure they don't have a case. Right. So the police do, they did take pictures of her bruising and stuff like that. She didn't require any medical treatment. Her shirt was ripped and she also had an abrasion on her right forearm, a raised bump on the side of her head and an abrasion on her back. Holy cow. You don't beat up women if you're an all-pro linebacker. Or period. Or period, yeah. Well, I mean, he is a huge, huge, huge specimen of a man. Yeah. Holy cow. Police noted that the report said that they had both been drinking. They didn't have proof of it, a blood test, but they appeared to have both been drinking, the woman and Junior. The results are not yet available. They're not yet, but they did take blood from Junior. We're waiting for it. Yeah. Oh, boy. So that's about the sum of that. That is not good. No, it's not. It's not good when women have physical markings on their body in numerous places. It's bad. Yeah. Let's see. Tomorrow's voting day. Woo-hoo. Yeah. Tomorrow's November 2nd. And it's November 1st today. And by the way, I think we're setting our clocks back next weekend. Or this weekend. This weekend. Yeah, this weekend. So we lose an hour of sleep, right? No, no, no. You gain an hour of sleep.
Because you set the clock back an hour. So that means you get to sleep for an extra hour. There's like 15% of the population that actually gets the whole time change and remembers what it is like you, Mike. And everyone else is like, what is it? It's always fall back. Spring forward, fall back. I get that part. But I'm like, what? Wait, so I set it? Set it behind. I set it? Back an hour. 3.30. I never get it either. It will get darker earlier at night. It will. I like that. It seems like it already is. I bet Mikey likes that. Even more. Even more so. I bet you like that a lot. Sure, I do. Last night was Halloween. Didn't see one trick-or-treater. Really? I didn't really either. Did not. Really? I had like 75 kids come by. We ran out of candy. We had to put a sign on our door. Oh, we had kids come to the door. I just didn't see any. Michael! I had to go to bed. Oh. I did. I had to go to bed. I stayed up way too late. Did the whole haunted house even though I said I wasn't going to. I did some serious trick-or-treating. You did? Yeah. We had Jenna. She's nine, so she's running from house to house. Yeah. That's all about it that year. The whole neighborhood got together and went kind of trick-or-treating together. All the kids just motoring from house to house. It's cool. Jamie was bawling the entire night. Why? Because the cute little kids would come to the door and she'd start crying. Oh. Oh, my God. You know when you're a kid and you go up to the door and you're like, trick-or-treat? Like, you never expect them to say trick. Right. And my mom did. She said trick? Yeah, she was like, trick. And they would look at her like.
Yeah. Who's this lady? Can I get my Twix and go? Yeah, my mom's like, she had bobbing for apples right at the door. And she's like, if you guys bob for an apple, you don't have to get it. Just try. Then you can get a handful of candy. But if you don't want to do it, then you can only have one. Every kid looked at her and they're like. Ripping off masks and they're bobbing. Yeah, it was so funny. I felt so bad. I'm like, Mom, you're getting these kids sick. Yeah, freezing cold. They're walking around with totally wet hair. They dunk their whole head in. That's hysterical. I thought that every kid would have gone for candy. Well, they wanted a handful of candy. That's why they wanted to bob rattle. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. It's either a handful or only one. I'm sitting here going. Why in God's name did we not do a bit where we bobbed for apples on our show to see who can do it? It's so hard. I forgot about bobbing for apples. Last time we did that was kindergarten. Everybody has for the last 25 years except your mom. That's because everyone thinks about germs and stuff like that now. That's funny. It's the first thing I thought of. Chris and I talked about it on Friday. We thought, well, we should bob for apples. 100%. As soon as you said it right now, I was like, I don't want any part of everyone's saliva. I thought about that as the kids were doing it, but I was like, you know what? I love it that no.
No one cares, and they're kids, and they just want candy, and let's just not think about that for tonight. I scared so many kids. There's so many kids that wouldn't even come in the haunted house. They'd start in, they're like, nope, nope, we're going to go right back out. Really? Did you give them candy? No. You've got to come through the haunted house if you want some candy. You have to. It's Halloween, you're supposed to be a little scared. Jay probably made homemade candy. Let me tell you. Homemade fudge. No, I had great candy. Let me tell you. I don't care if there was oversized. Snickers in there. I would not go in. Really? No! Not even for an oversized Snickers? Not when I was a kid. Even the moms were scared. I had a little air jet thing that would blow air up on you when you walked through. Oh my gosh. I should have gone over there. I should have gone to see the scene. It was fun. I went to Siena Saturday night for her mom's Halloween party. That lady knows how to throw a freaking Halloween party. She's a party planner. That's what she does. It was unbelievable. What was it like? Dude, you walked in and...
They have this big courtyard, right? And you walk in and there's a full bar. And I mean with a bartender the whole bit. There was a photo booth. There was spider webs. Everybody was in costume. It was a DJ. It was catered. It was insane. Everybody got a diamond when they walked in. Jamie got a new ruby and sapphire ring. Those were the party favors. It was so much fun. You get a new car. Lauren did us a favor. You looked up the propositions that we need to know about for tomorrow when we vote. I did. And there's a couple that you think are pretty important and big for us to know. Yeah, the big one that we all talked about was Prop 19, which is the marijuana legalization initiative. Yeah, man. Weed. Yeah, so some key points on that is it would actually take effect the day after the election. Oh, my gosh. Which is crazy, which I didn't realize it would be that quickly. So by Wednesday? People could be selling dope? Yeah. The federal, there's been articles come out that says the federal governments are like, great, you can vote on all you want. We're not legalizing it. Sorry. So you can go vote yes on Prop 19 or yes is four, right? Yes is four. You can go vote yes on Prop 19 all you want, but nothing's changing. We'll bust you. Yeah, we're going to get you still because federal can override it. Well, because right now, if you have less than an ounce, it's only...
a civil infringement it's not a criminal misdemeanor anymore that just passed I think on October 1st it was so I don't know according to this prop I don't know how soon the feds would get involved I don't know if it would happen day one or not but people you have to be 21 or older to possess it cultivate it or transport it it still prohibits people from smoking on school grounds using it in public where minors are present so you can't just be walking down the street smoking a jerk Still maintains prohibitions on driving while impaired. So that's still there. How do they test for that, I wonder? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. You know? Well, if you're going 20 in a 55. And you're sucking down cookies and duck and peppers. It's probably like a field sobriety test. Like, if you're not passing it, and then they go test you, like, all right, well, you can't be. Because I bet you what they can do is pull you over for suspicion. Because they can pull you over for suspicion of drinking and driving without having to blow. You can say, I don't. I'm not blowing anything. They take you in, they take your blood, and if there's pot in your blood, but see, pot stays in your blood for 30 days. I know. It does? Doesn't it? Seems to me, too, that if they pulled you over, they could smell it. It's hard to hide the smell of pot. Not necessarily.
Isn't that hard to hide that? Yeah, but that's if you're blasting in your car. What if I'm at Siena's, I smoke a joint and drive home? I think you can smell it, man. No, it's not like cigarettes. The smell goes way quicker. Tobacco sticks on your coat. You guys know a lot. You sure do. I'm just saying. A big one for me, which I think there should definitely be some amendments to the incarceration of people caught with marijuana charges because it could save... several tens of millions of dollars annually to state and local governments on incarcerating people that are there on marijuana charges. Yeah, I agree. You may grow out of private residence and the local government can still authorize the hours on when you can actually sell it, stuff like that. Hey guys, can you hear me? Yes. Can you hear me? Is this Sandra? Yeah, this is Sandra Rossi calling in because I heard you guys talking about the proposition. Hi, Sandra. The election and all that. Of course. Right. And as you know, I'm running as a write-in for governor. Hit it, Mike. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, and thank you, little one. Oh, look at that cute little child. That's so wonderful. I love children. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. This message has been approved by Sandra Rossi. So tomorrow is a big day. Go ahead and write me in if you want to. And you can always visit my lovely website, which is SandraRossiHandbags.com. And if you are looking for the finest in wool or cotton or extravagant import bags, you can do that. Shouldn't you be talking about the election? I am talking about it, but since I have you on the phone, you might as well know that I am selling handbags as well. The day before the election. You know what's really sad? What? Sandra Rossi is probably more qualified to run this state than either of the candidates that are actually out there right now. Don't just sing it, Wood. Bring it. I'm bringing it. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I can't believe how white my feet are. I'm looking forward to watching the news and hearing, who's Sandra Rossi? What if she gets a vote? She's getting all kinds of votes here. Oh my goodness, Dana. You're not just big-breasted, you get it. I know, I know, right? Thank you so much. I'll talk to you guys. Good luck tomorrow. Good luck.
Oh, she's such a treat, isn't she? She's growing on me. She must have had like a $9 budget because I haven't seen any of her commercials on TV. She doesn't actually advertise. Lauren's got some more of those that you need to know about. The important ones, the big ones, the big propositions. So we'll do that. Oh, how about this? This warm weather that we're having? When we come back, we're going to tell you about how long is that going to stick around? We have a new... number one in college football. We have a new number one in golf. And the University of Iowa might be in hot water for NCAA violations because of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Plus, Woods is going to run down all these scores in the NFL. Stick around. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mundus. I guess it does, doesn't it? Welcome.
Nice warm weather outside. The sun coming back. It's nice. By the way, Woods is going to tell you in Woods on Sports here in just a minute who the new number one in college football is. I was kind of ticked to hear that Boise State got leapfrogged. Weird. Also a new number one in golf. Why is the University of Iowa in trouble with the NCAA because of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore? Well, he'll tell you that too. Makes me laugh. I know it. Ridiculous. 8 o'clock this morning, we're going to be reading you this email from this guy who's kind of upset because of his wife's boob job. We'll tell you why he's upset. What's that guy crying about? You'll see. Maybe she should send us a picture. She got some new knots, man. Nothing to cry about. You'll see why he's crying about it. Maybe there's something wrong with him. Word of the day is turkey. I'll say that between now and 10 when you hear it. So excited to eat some this month. Oh, yeah. It's finally turkey month. Can't believe it. You win a pair of tickets to the FM 94.9 8th anniversary bash. I cannot wait for the turkey. I'm not cooking it. This isn't the word of the day right now. No, no. I can't wait. Yeah, it's not. It's not the word of the day. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's not the word of the day yet. It'll be between, you know, now and 10. We're just excited to eat some. No, you said it. You know somebody said it all. Starting now. It's November 1st. I just can't believe it's so sad. I know.
I'm not cooking. Pamplemousse will cook stuff for you. You tell them what, and we're not having that many people, so it won't be that bad. I don't know what we're doing. My family's coming in town, and I don't know what we're going to do. The place I was expecting to get a T-word, they don't have T-words available, so I don't know what I'm going to do. Yeah, he was going to get a fried T-word from Popeyes. Do it yourself. Yeah, come on, dude. Come on, dude. Yeah, I'll come back with bandages wrapped around my face. Yeah, but it's very dangerous. Very dangerous. Very dangerous. So the warm weather, Sienna, will stick around till? Thursday. And it's actually going to get really warm. It's going to peak on Wednesday. And they're saying around Lindbergh Field, the airport, it's going to be around 88 degrees. That's going to be the average, but it could get up to 90 and even hotter if you're inland. And starting Thursday, it's going to cool back down. So let me get this straight. We had rain and 40 degrees in July, August, and September. Yep. And here in the beginning of November, we will have highs possibly in the 90s. Yeah.
I think it's the San Andre winds or something. Santa Anna winds. Oh. Sabrina, our weather girl. Why don't you know this stuff? I just woke up. I thought that I had to come in at like nine. How was your Halloween party that you did? Oh, my gosh. I was such a blah. It looks like you're still hung up. I'm a little tipsy. Do you smell alcohol? I'm still a little tipsy. I had a lot of Kahlua. You had a lot of Kahlua. White Russians? A lot. Wow. Take your sunglasses. Oh, wow. Look at those eyes. Maybe a little prep H under there. Oh, my gosh. Maybe. Okay, so L.O.B., give me another thing that I need to know tomorrow. Prop 21. What is it? This is the vehicle license fee for state parks. What does it mean? Oh, in layman's terms, $18 a year will be added on to your license fee. So what you pay the DMV to have your car registered. Yeah. That money will go back.
To the state parks. So it's going to be about $500 million annually. To state parks. For the state parks, which 85% of that is going to go directly towards maintaining the parks and everything. And then the rest of the money, I believe, is going to go towards so that Californians, when they go to these state parks and everything, they can park for free. They can use them for free. I wonder if that has to do with beaches. Yeah, some beaches are state parks. Because it would be nice to go to Tamarack and not have to stick that. credit card into the machine. Absolutely, it would be. It would be really nice. I found a secret spot I'll show you next time if you ever get in the water again, but I can get behind that prop 100%. How's it aggressive? So that's prop 21. We have beautiful feet today because we got some really cool mampering done on Friday. So jealous. Look at Woods' feet. Wow. He giggled while they were... Oh, so ticklish, huh? You didn't get any nail polish. Of course not. He tried to. We did our Euda manicure on Friday and got pedicures. We got two roses.
coolest place in the world, Logan Heights. Rad place. Yeah, we got a hot towel, straight razor, whole bit. Crazy shave of my life. And that place is amazing. You just have to go check it out. The place is so insanely cool. So cool. It's a tattoo parlor, too. I found my new guy. I found a guy. Now you guys can feel tough going in there. Yes. But anyway. What else do we do? We got a massage. Urban skin. Everybody wants to know. Facial. It did not move. No, it didn't move. Woods was worried about the massage and, you know. He was worried about rising to the occasion. Yeah, rising to the occasion. Matter of fact, he cried a little bit, I think, during the massage. I did not cry. And he came out. Yeah. You really liked it, though. No, it was amazing. He told me he got a facial and the girl was really hot doing it. He said it hurt. Oh, it hurt like mad. Trying to be brave. She was, you know, they popped the blackheads and stuff in your face. Oh, they get in there. And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Tears rolling down inside your face. That's awesome. Man, we have to tell Adam things. Adam, that was huge. Adam did a great job. Just unbelievable. Our promotions guy. So, Sienna, tell us about...
The guy that got stuck. Oh my goodness. In the vent. So this guy is a former employee of a restaurant. It's called Harold's Restaurant in Virginia Beach. And this former employee decides at 3 a.m. over the weekend to crawl into the window and somehow break in. And he got himself stuck in a duct for eight hours. Now what happened is the next morning the owner comes in. finds this guy's feet dangling through the ceiling over the stove, calls the police. They show up. They had to cut this guy out of an 18x18 exhaust vent. And I don't know why he was breaking in. They don't say, but... Imagine what his 911 call might have sounded like. 911, what is your emergency? I'm stuck. Right now I need somebody to come help me. Where are you stuck, sir? Stuck in a ventilation unit. How did that happen? I was trying to rob this business. Okay. And I was calling to the ventilation unit. But I'm overweight. And I got stuck in here because I'm very overweight. Hello? What happened to you? What? Stuck in here.
I'm stuck because I'm very overweight. I think your phone is messed up. Can you hear me, sir? I can hear you now. Did you put me on hold? No, I didn't put you on hold. What are you doing? Take the donuts out of your ears. Okay, so you got stuck in a vent. You put me so you can laugh at me. I didn't put you. I don't need to put you on hold to laugh at you. That's all. I need help right now. We're going to send over some butter. You're going to send over some butter? Yep, some butter and a rescue team to slide Dion out of there, but you can't eat the butter, okay? Do you think that that's funny? No, this is protocol, sir. Can you bring me something? What would you like? A Big Mac. No, that's ridiculous. I want a number one with a Coke, two Cokes.
Do you think this is the best time for you to be ordering some fast food? No, but I need it. Maybe you should think about a wheatgrass shot. You're not very nice to me. I don't have to be nice. We're going to send over some cooking oil and get you out of there. Thank you very much. Fatty. Bye. Yes. Fatty. Oh, man. Could have gone down that way. I want to know about a billion things that are happening in sports. And mostly, I want to know what's going on in the NFL. Find out who the new number one in college football is. Find out who the new number one in golf is. Woods! Woods! Woods! Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The San Francisco Giants are one win away from becoming world champions in the World Series. Man, this kid, Madison Baumgartner, last night, he's a rookie. Went out and threw eight complete innings. He pitched like a madman. Three hits, two walks, just ridiculous. Six strikeouts. Buster Posey hit a bomb. And this kid, Bumgarner, was really, really salty. Let's listen to him talk about how it was just another game for him. Cut to. It's the World Series. It's the biggest game you're going to play in. I try to just go out there and tell myself it's just another game, though, and look back on it after it's over with, and hopefully it was a good result.
Yeah, it was a really good result. So tonight will be Tim. I only need one more. One more. Tim Linscombe against Cliff Lee. Again. Tonight. There it is. Yep. Giants. The Rangers have 26 hits in the series. The Giants have 26 runs in the series. What a cool stat that is. That's insane. All right, so let's rip through some NFL scores for you. The Chiefs over the Bills, 13-10. Jamal Charles, 22 rushes for 177 yards. I actually traded him for my fantasy team. Great work. Not a good move. The Rams were insane yesterday, 20-10 over the Panthers. The Panthers aren't very good, but Sam Bradford is looking more and more like an NFL quarterback. The 49ers beat. The Broncos in London, 24-16. It was so weird at 10 o'clock in the morning here in California to watch a game in London that was nighttime. Yeah. That was weird. Yeah. So the Niners are now 2-6 and the Broncos are now 2-6 as well. Yep. And Matthew Stafford came back from injury yesterday to have a great game. Threw four touchdowns for the Lions as they beat the Deadskins 37-25. And then in what was a really crazy...
Kind of sloppy game that was very highly touted as going to be the game of the week. You know, the Packers against the Jets. The Packers shut out the Jets 9-0 at home. Rex Reed. Rex Reed? Is that his name? Rex Ryan. Yeah. Had to eat his words, among other things. The Dolphins. Yeah, Big Mac. Yeah, Big Mac. He ate his words in a Big Mac. And a pizza wrapped in a taco. The Dolphins over the Bengals 22-14. The Jaguars beat the hapless. Dallas Cowboys, 35-17. John Kittner threw four interceptions. Oh, boy. Just a brutal day for the Cowboys. The Chargers over the Titans, 33-25. Phillip Rivers, amazing again. 305 yards, two touchdowns. The Buccaneers over the Cardinals, 38-35. The Patriots and the Vikings was a pretty cool game, too. Randy Moss going back to New England with his new buddy, Brett Favre. Did you guys see Brett Favre get drilled and carried off? Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Did you hear about what happened to him? Yeah, he says he's fine. Let's listen to him. Cut three. Chin's kind of numb right now. We had to put eight stitches in, so right now it feels fine. No, I don't want to make a big deal out of it. I remember everything, unfortunately, but I'll be fine. Yeah. Dude, say what you want about Brett Favre. The guy's pretty frigging tough. Yeah, he is. The guy stands in there, and he takes shots. The shot hit him right under his, I mean, helmet on chin. Bunch of stitches. How's that feel? Yeah, they lost 28 to 18.
The Raiders are now 4-4. Darren McFadden is looking like an NFL running back. He's looking like what they brought him in to do. 21 rushes for 111 yards. Jason Campbell threw two touchdowns and 310 yards. They won 33-3 over the Seahawks. The Saints beat the Steelers last night. I'm sure it was not great in Siena's house. They lost 20-10. Todd threw his hat against the wall like 20 times. I know that bit. And tonight on Monday Night Football, the Texans and the Colts will take on each other. There is a new number one in college football. It is Oregon. Oregon is now 8-0. They moved into the first place for the first time this season, jumping over the Auburn Tigers. Auburn's 9-0. Boise State is just kind of an afterthought. They get jumped over every week. And I'm telling you, Woods had said this before, and I have to agree with it. And anybody that's an SC fan, I'm more than willing to hear you out. But I just look at their head coach. Lane Kiffin. Lane Kiffin. I go, why is Lane Kiffin such a big deal? I know. He's a legend in his own mind. He doesn't win games. He doesn't win games. I don't get it. Yeah, I can't really talk about USC. My iris broke my heart. Again, lost their starting quarterback for the whole year. They lost to Tulsa, which is a new low, threw an interception in the end zone.
When all they had to do was kick a field goal to win it. I was beside myself. Also, there is a new number one in golf. His name is Lee Westwood, and he is from England. And he has overtaken Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods was number one for 281 straight weeks and 623 weeks overall. It may be short-lived, though. He's playing in the HSBC Champions in Shanghai, where he'll compete against Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, and Martin Kamer. So it may not, you know, unless he wins that tournament, he probably won't be number one for long. And then finally, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have contributed to Iowa being investigated for NCAA violations. And why? Because ex-Hawkeye basketball stars Dean Oliver and Reggie Evans were allowed to go meet. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, which is a violation. You can't bring celebrities in to help you recruit. Really? That's what they did. He's from Iowa. He's a big Iowa supporter. Great work, Ashton. Yeah, he probably feels like a jerk. That's Woods on Sports. Didn't know this, apparently. Tom Brady, quarterback for the Patriots, has the same haircut Justin Bieber does.
No. Oh, yeah. You didn't know that? I had no idea. Yeah. I feel bad for Tom Brady. I kind of like his long hair. Sure. And everyone is just riding him about it. Including Justin Bieber. Justin isn't the only one sporting the Bieber dude. Check out New England Patriots quarterback and one of my favorites, Tom Brady. Here it is, just in case you haven't seen it in a while. What? Is that Tom Brady? Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's not, I mean, it's not, he switches it this way. You're a dork. I switch it this way. Okay. You're a dork. I mean, shouldn't he be having, like, short hair? You're a dork. He should, like, have short hair. You said this woman. Because when I'm his age, there's no way I'm going to have this hair. You're a dork. Wow. Who is this 35-year-old woman? He's so cute. Yeah, and I think Tom Brady's doing just fine with that haircut, Justin. Gisele Bundchen. Justin Bieber called out Tom Brady. For being old, by the way. He goes, isn't he too old for that? How old is Tom Brady, by the way? 34 or something? Somewhere around there. Who cares? He looks phenomenal. Yeah, Tom Brady's a sharp dude, man. He can do whatever he wants. Yeah, he does kind of look like a clown.
You think he does with that hair? That stupid haircut. Let me tell you something, man. Oh, when he takes that helmet off and it's, like, sweaty. Yeah, when the helmet comes off, but when he perfectly, like, combs it and swooshes it, as Justin Bieber said. That makes my mouth water. Let me tell you. Just one day. Just one day. If I could be Tom Brady. Yeah. Write that down. Yeah. To have that coiff. Yeah. That body. I've tried to grow. Not to sound gay, but wow. I've tried to grow my hair out so many times. I just can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. My favorite is when Tom Brady has the long hair and he slicks it back when he gets all dressed up and slicks it straight back. Beautiful hair. That's the guy. The GQ look. Yes. Sharp, dude. That's a guy that can walk into the clothing store, buy a pair of jeans, put them on, and walk out. Unlike me, who I go to get a pair of jeans and I'm like. Can you call the tail ring? Yes, I'd like the original cut, please. And he has two little boys, too, two different baby mamas. But it's like the same Brad Pitt-Angelina thing. I cannot wait to see what those boys grow up to look like. She likes a model. Well, Gisele Bundchen and Bridget Moynihan. Gisele kind of pulled the Angelina move as well. She sure did.
So those women are six feet tall and he's 6'4 or whatever. Oh, yeah. So kids will be, I think they say statistically nine feet two. They probably won't be good looking or at all talented. No. Nothing like that. Not at all. Hey, by the way, when we were reporting on that mail bomb thing on Friday. Breaking news towards the end of the show. They pulled some planes off the runway and stuff. And it turns out it was pretty serious. Well, yeah. On Friday, there was news that, you know, some of the planes were sitting on the runway, basically, because there was maybe a bomb on the plane. The bomb squad was there. Well, what happened was there was actually two explosive devices, not on those planes, but there was... They're saying they're Yemen-based from Al-Qaeda. And the two bombs were found on Friday in packaged printer cartridges. Yeah. They were designed by the top explosives experts working with Al-Qaeda. So at first they said that those little ink cartridges were fine. There was nothing wrong. It turns out, no, they were bombs, man. Yeah.
One of the bombs was found in Dubai, and it had flown on two passenger jets before it was even discovered. The other bomb flew on UPS planes from Yemen to Germany and then to England, which is where it was found. We heard about one of the planes was sitting in London as well. So far, the planes here in the U.S., there was no bombs detected, but they're saying that there may be more out there. Freaks me out. They're on the lookout. I know it's scary. It's really scary. They don't bomb stuff. Yeah, one of Saudi Arabia's most wanted is believed to have been a part of it. Really? Uh-huh. His name is Ibrahim Hassan Alta. a Siri. I give you mad props for that. Thank you. I give you mad props for that. Jon Stewart's big rally to restore sanity and or fear is what it was called. It happened over the weekend and he said that people need to earn the title of racist or terrorist. That's one of the things that he said while he was there. We'll tell you how many people showed up. It obviously got weird. I have clips. We'll do some woods of wisdom. It's all coming up. It's a Mikey show. Killer show today. Don't go anywhere. Hell yeah. Hey, you want our phone number? It's 570-1949. You'd like our text, 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. Woods is wearing a poncho. It's the one I had on for Halloween. He says it's nice and warm. Let's see. L.O.B. is our assistant producer, and she is 29 years of age. Sienna is our news girl. Jay is our producer.
So Jon Stewart did his rally to restore sanity and or fear. That's what he called it. And it happened over the weekend. Something like 200,000 showed up or something? 250,000 people showed up. It was at the National Mall in Washington, D.C. on Saturday. Right. And Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow, performed. Here, let's hear a second of that performance. I want to see if it's any good. Kind of ironic. I'm the one that's going to sing the serious song today. Also, if you spare. Pay attention. Not only will Sheryl Crow be joining me, but another friend, T.I., who couldn't be here for obvious reasons and was kind enough to tape a green screen thing for us. We hope it all comes together. What are they going to green screen? In jail. They obviously let him go out and do a little performance in the common area. What will the background be? I don't know. What will they green screen him onto? I don't know. Yes, I'm thinking. It does.
I'm like, what's going on? It's going to sound like Bitty Madness. It sounds good to me, man. It does. It sounds good. If I didn't tell you that was Kid Rock and I just played it. I don't necessarily mind Kid Rock. Then how come you just said. Because it doesn't sound good to me. It doesn't sound that good. If his name was like the Sidewalk Splinters or something. I just said, I don't mind Kid Rock. I don't mind him. I'll listen to some Kid Rock jams. If I said this is a new band called the Tube Horns. I'm in. It's legit. It's good. Let me fast forward to Sheryl Crowson. Wow. Dude, that sounds good, too. Does Nat sound like her? I'm a hundred thousand percent. I like that, yeah. It's pretty good. They're good together. Oh, yeah. They're like peanut butter and jelly. Yeah. Not bad for a live performance. Yeah, not bad. You know what I mean? Sounds pretty good. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was there. He made an appearance.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That's right. Wow. I know. Airplane. Every time I hear his name or see his face is all I think of. Not his accomplishment. I know. Was Carol Burnett not available? Why Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? They gave away, John Stewart was giving medals of reasonableness. That was the name of the medals. He gave one to Armando, what's his last name, Galarraga, the player for the Tigers. That was the pitcher who forgave the umpire for that really bad call that ruined his perfect game. He also gave out medals of reasonableness to Mick Foley and Velma Hart, who were, you know, they had the exchange with President Obama during the town hall meeting. Right. And Jacob Isom. Jacob? I saw him. Do you know who that is? The Texas man who snatched Koran from the hands of the preacher. Oh, okay. That was going to burn it. Here's Jon Stewart giving a speech. So what exactly was this? I can't control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland.
or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear they are and we do but we live now in hard times not end times get it. It really doesn't matter what he says when there's an echo. You're like, oh, it's so powerful. It's so profound. As long as you hear an echo, you're like, oh, yeah, that's really something. And he does voice inflection at the end. If you pause and wait for it, the applause will come. So silent and powerful. A little bit later, did you guys hear that Obama got heckled? And he couldn't control the crowd. I'm not surprised. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He couldn't control the crowd. He tried to, but he couldn't control the crowd. It's coming up in a little bit. So last night was Halloween. My dad answered the door. I had to go to bed. I know. I know. Did you see your kids dress up? Yeah. Thank goodness. Oh, that was great. Cute pictures. That was so great. Luke was a...
Monkey. Hello, monkey. He had a really long tail that dragged on the floor. Yeah, Luke was a monkey, and Ryan was a lion. Little Kylie lion. Jake was Plex from Yo Gabba Gabba. Popular costume. Mm-hmm. Speaking of, is this Luke? Yeah, it is. This is my one-year-old son, Luke. What are you mad about right now, Luke? You got lots of candy. You should be happy. Yeah. The costume that my mother insisted dressing me in and my father. Yeah, it was really cute. It was adorable. You're a monkey. It was really adorable. Well, I had a whole temp slash gigolo costume. I had a feather hat. I had a purple suit. I had a gold chain. I had a grill. I had a cane. Where'd you get that? What? Where'd you get that? Uncle Woods. You sound hoarse, too, by the way. Are you up screaming or something? I was partying. You know that. You had a grill? Do you have teeth? A grill. Like a grill for my teeth.
Do you have a full set of teeth? No. Oh, I know what a grill is, but I also know that you're one. Join me here. You know what it is. You barely have enough teeth to put the grill on. Yeah, I got glue. You're a year old. Glue. Anyway, maybe mom doesn't pull me and that awesome blossom in a wagon next year. How about that? Maybe don't dress your other son up like an appetizer from Outback. He looked like a Bloomin' Onion. Is that what you're trying to say? He was a lion and yeah. His mane was all like around his face. Yeah. He looked like the thing that accompanies a Big Mac. He looked like a Big Mac. Oh, he did not. He looked cute. I'm going to ride around with this guy in this wagon pulled by my mom. He did kind of look. Maybe you get out of bed, come down and drive us around on the ride. Because I have to get to work and stuff, you know? I had to go to bed early and get up and go to work. Maybe you surround in your ride next year because I, dude, I'm not dude. I'm dad. I had to bury my face in my hands. There were so many chicks out, and they're like, oh, look at this guy. I look like a jackass, okay? You look like a monkey. I look like an idiot. And I'm furious, and I'm high as a cat. I have a sweat. I've been sucking down Twix. Get off the phone. What time do you get home? I get off at the same time every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but when are you coming home? I'm coming home when I get off work. I'm coming home at 10.
How long will you take me somewhere? Where? I don't know. Somewhere. We've got to do something. What? I don't know. We'll go hang out. Go to a bar or something. We're not going to go to a bar. We're not? Neither of you drink. You can get me. Well, I drink. But you can have a virgin Shirley Temple. Thank you. All right. Thanks. Shirley Temple. That's my one-year-old, Luke. He's really a pain. Yes, he is. Such an attitude. Such an attitude on that guy. Speaking of which, today... Today marks six years that I have not had a drink of alcohol. Wow. Nice. Yeah. Congrats. How about that? How'd you do it? It's an inside joke. How'd you do it? If anybody's ever had to... All right, all right, all right. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not supposed to say that. I know. I had court order. Fine. Wow. I know what I want to do right now. What? I would like to do a little Woods of Wisdom. How about you? Would you like to do some? Let's do it. Let's do some Woods of Wisdom. Feeling super wise. I'm still getting used to this. There we go. You're feeling super wise? Feeling very wise. My head is clear. If you have a question for Woodsy, it has to do with women, dating, clothes, guy stuff. Like pedicures and facials. Really? Yeah.
My favorite jingle. I like it. The first email that we have says, Woods, my wife turned vegetarian like Mikey's wife about a month ago. She's also getting into teas. Teas? Chamomile. Teas. Oh. Also getting into teas. Not like t-shirts. Yeah, that's what I thought. No, tea and stuff like that. There's never anything good to eat in our fridge. What about a salad sandwich? My wife fakes those. He says, well, last week she stopped cooking anything with meat in it. Now, my wife has not done that, by the way. My wife will still cook stuff for me. Two meals. Yes, it is. She will cook two separate meals. She's a good woman. Good wife. I can't even look at L.O.B. She's looking at me so judgmental. Judgingly. Judgingly. Judging me. Says, we don't have kids and I'm fortunate enough to have developed my real estate business to the point where she doesn't have to work. But it kills me that she won't cook for me. So now after a long day's work, I either grab something on the way home or I order a pizza. Meanwhile, she's eating cauliflower mashed potatoes. Sounds good. Signed, M1 worked. Woodsy, what do you think? I'm appalled. Oh, wow. I'm absolutely appalled. I think it's absurd.
Yeah, I do too. I think it's absurd. She's sitting home. He works. Guy brings home the bacon. Make your man a meal. I know you don't like it, but you don't have to eat it. Make him something. I'm appalled. I have to agree with that. I'm appalled. I mean, if she's the home, she takes care of the home, he takes care of the work. I mean, take care of him. He's taking care of you. Ella B? I think that if I had to face a similar situation, I don't eat red meat. And if I... I've dated people that I will make myself the chicken portion or the non-meat portion, and then I also make the meat as well. Sweet girl. It's very sweet. Sweet girl. Yeah, and you do the rest of it. And you work. Yeah. You work. So, I mean, it's like, hey, lady, you're not working. Your man brings home the bacon. He makes a good living for you. Maybe throw the guy's steak on one so you can see the guy's not feasting on pizza and McDonald's. Well, you know, Liberty, my daughter, is a vegetarian. I mean, like, strict. Like, I don't eat red meat. She's always like, I'll make dinner, I'll put chicken in it. She's like, well, where's mine? I'm like, I'm making dinner for the family. If you choose not to eat chicken, then you're on your own. This is a different situation because Liberty is of age and she's living in your house. That whole bit is like, hey man, you eat what we eat. But if you're going to have a guest over that's vegetarian, won't you provide them an option?
So every single meal I have to make something additional for her? Well, can't she just eat the sides? Well, she can, but I mean, you know. Is she like vegan? No, no. I mean, she just doesn't eat chicken. And I mean, but I put chicken almost in everything. You're making a chicken casserole and she can't eat that and there are no sides. Different when it's a spouse. And here's my rap on that is if you haven't heard me say it before, I think that men and women have what we call love languages. It's the. language that we respond to. For instance, I was talking to L.O.B. about this last week. Words are not a big thing for me. You know, that's one of the love languages is real kind words. It's not a real big thing for me. It's not a big thing for L.O.B. either in a relationship. Turns out for L.O.B. what's really important in a relationship, Woods, you too, and me is acts of service. Now that means making a meal. Doing that kind of thing. The reason for that is our mouthpiece is what we do real good with. Right. We can talk it up. That's our gift. And so for us, words don't mean as much. Yeah. But what does is somebody making you a meal like that. That actually is something we respond to. Oh, yeah. When somebody makes us a meal, Rebecca sets that coffee maker every morning. And I'm telling you, I love her. You fall in love a little bit. You know, like when I come home.
from work and I walk in and Jamie's like, here's a sandwich and chips and a drink and I'm going to go do this. I'm like, God, I love you. You're the best. You know, it's the best. And like, you know, this guy working hard and he's like, I know couples like this too, man, where the guy's like driving home like, well, chilies, you know, Beningans, what are we going to do tonight? And yeah, that stuff's okay once in a while, but you know, you got a man likes a good home cooked meal. Now, if she works too, different story. You got to figure it out, but she doesn't work. She doesn't work. She needs to be doing something. Let me tell you, ladies, if you want to, this is the equivalent of your man walking in the house and you in some sexy lingerie. Yes. This is the equivalent. Imagine he walking, dudes, every dude listening right now, imagine this. You open the door and you smell pork chops and mashed potatoes. Holy cow. I just fell in love just thinking about it. It just moved. I feel like the worst wife right now. We have the baby. Don't worry. I wouldn't worry about it. I know, but I want to do that stuff because you're so right. That means a lot. Don't worry. Here's the thing. I get grossed out by making meat a lot. Because I don't eat red meat, I wouldn't make...
steak and stuff like that on the reg, that's kind of like a special thing. And that's probably fine for that guy. So you wouldn't make him... Wait, wait, wait. I understand not making a full-on steak, but you wouldn't make him some kind of meat every night? I would generally, unless the guy was like, I don't eat poultry, I only eat red meat. then we might have a problem. It grosses me out. So what if it grosses this girl out and that's part of the reason she became vegetarian, maybe she could make all the sides and he could come home and grill it. Grills his own steak? I mean, that's pretty fair. That's fair. If he comes in, but wait, here's the deal. What if the guy's like, listen. I don't, you know, smoke grass and wear patchouli oil. I don't want cauliflower mashed potatoes. I want mashed potatoes. I'm an American male. I worked a full day. I want a real meal. She should be able to do that stuff. But if it grosses her out to touch this stuff, maybe like...
Go so far as to marinate it and throw it in there. Put it in the fridge. It can't gross her out that much. Come on. Exactly. Nut it up, man. She just switched it up. She wasn't always a vegetarian. But maybe something that made her a vegetarian is like watching a documentary, reading a book, something that grossed her out. Come on, LB. We could sack up a lot. You would do it, though. You would do it. I wouldn't do it regularly. She said she wouldn't. You wouldn't like it. Yeah, Kim has a hard time with chicken. Really? She doesn't want to have to mess with the chicken. She'll cook it, but she doesn't want to have to. I'll get a whole chicken and cut it up. Hey, guys. Doesn't everybody have a problem with chicken? Is there anything more filthy than opening that cellophane up and that yellow or white and you stick your fingers in the chicken and it goes like this. It goes as you stick your fingers in it and then you pull it out and then you put it down and then you got to wash your hands 80,000 times. You cut the fat off and you're like. ripping that extra fat just dangling off of it. I'll tell you what, though. I watched my mom cook all growing up. She had no problem with it. She'd be, like, talking to me and, like, holding up, like, a dancing bird, and then she would pound it to get them, like, all the same consistency. I don't care anymore. Now it's just like, you threw it in the water and it's in. It's disgusting. I'm still grossed out every time I cook it. Here's the next one. Woods, what would you do if your six-year-old came home and used the S word? I wanted to crack a skull open.
M1 Reese. Me? Probably nothing. I would probably talk to him and be like, hey, I know you heard that from me. Listen, it's daddy says these bad words. I'm working on it. Not everybody's perfect. Don't say that at school. Don't say it around your friends. Don't be a clown. Don't imitate whatever I say. Don't imitate what I say when I'm watching the Yankees and the Irish. You get to say it when you're an adult. I said that same thing to Jenna last night when the Steelers were losing. Todd's like, beep, beep, beep. babe i'm like just ignore him just ignore him it's it's so hard for me i have such such a filthy mouth and we'll be playing baseball and i'll look up in the stands you know and i'll i'll fly out and the bat goes down the f comes out i look up and there's some little kid staring at me and i'm like oh i'm a turd i'm a turd i'm a turd i instantly feel bad but you know what man You can't really get too mad at him. He picked it up somewhere, most likely from you. So, you know, just tell him it's not a good word to say. They're just words. 570-1949 is our number. They are just words, but they can get you in trouble. In trouble. I don't want my kids saying those words. No, you don't want your kids. They're gonna. They're gonna. They are gonna. Period.
I mean, when they get around the school, my parents were like strict. I've heard my mom curse like twice, my dad like once. Wow, really? I'm telling you, my whole life, they don't even say damn, you know, nothing. And I talk like a sailor. So they're gonna, when they get around their friends and stuff, they're gonna, and they're gonna try to be hard ass and, you know, use foul language. But man, you know, you just gotta tell them, you gotta try to be classy, even though I don't really follow my own advice. How about this one, Woods? Woods, how often can you re-wear a pair of jeans and it's acceptable? Signed Mikey. I wrote that and I'd like to know. Here's my problem. I will wear the same pair of jeans ten times without washing. It's better. It's better for them. The more you wash them, the more they break down. Yeah. So I rarely wash my jeans. I don't wash mine all the time. You know what I do? I sniff test. I'll do them all the time. You sniff test. You throw it in the dryer with a dryer sheet, maybe a little Febreze. Good to go. You're smelling your pants all the time. Great idea. You are strange. You don't sniff test? You don't sniff them? Not my pants.
No. Your own pants filth you out. Your own pants disgusting. I'm not going to go smelling on them. Do you go to the bathroom in your pants? No. You are a little bit older than us. Okay, so when you sit on the toilet and your pants are down around your ankles. Right. Am I pooping in the actual pants? I try to poop in the toilet. I do too. That's where I go. But I'm telling you, that's filthy. I mean, a shirt, yes, but not my pants. Bro, I will take these shorts off and stick them in my face right now. Oh my gosh, see, I won't re-wear a shirt, but I'll re-wear pants. Yeah, I wear my pants like two or three times. I'll wear them five to seven times. My jeans, I never wash my jeans. I don't need a sniff test. That's the first time I've ever heard anybody say that they thought it was weird that you would smell your pants. Smell your own pants. Yeah, smell your pants. Bro, I smell everything. Even if it smells like food, I'm like, oh, I don't want that. Dude, I have five dogs. So the chance of me picking up a pair of jeans with pee-pee on them, it's pretty good. So I smell everything. I'm not afraid of pee-pee. I'm just like, does that smell stale? Does that smell moldy? Jay, where are you hanging? Like the restaurant. I'm just not going to be smelling my pants. I mean, my pants walk through life. You're a weirdo. You're wearing them. You're a weirdo. Yeah, but I'm not going to smell them. Would you smell your shirt?
Yeah, absolutely. All day long. Why? Well, okay. And you sweat. My exit ports are down there. Okay, guys? That's where you're... Well, don't smell the exit port then. You don't put your face right in the butt crack of your jeans. Well, if any place is going to smell in your pants... No, it's good. It starts to smell smell. Just jeans are like a tobacco test. Yeah, exactly. See, usually my jeans will get too loose and they need to be like washed and dried again. Oh, I like it when they're a little bit loose. A little bit loose is good. I hate when they're right out of the dryer, though. I love throwing my DJs in the dryer with a dryer sheet and take them out like 10 minutes later. See, to me then it feels like a filth of dryer sheet. I ripped my jeans the other day because I had lotion on. If you put lotion on and jeans that are just out of the dryer, that's a bad combo. Really? A lot of friction. I did not know that. A lot of ripping. I know. I was like, huh, maybe I ease up on the breakfast burritos. Hey, Galifianakis, Zach Galifianakis smoked weed on TV. Weird. Do you hear about it? It's all over, man. He's on my nerves. He's on my nerves now. Why? He is on my nerves. Well, let's talk about it. When we come back, when we come back, I'll tell you what the situation was and I'll tell you exactly about what Lauren said because Lauren goes, hey, Mike, didn't you do that on the radio one time?
And it was a thing that got me on the Howard Stern Show. I'll tell you all about that, tell you what Galifianakis did. Also, do you want to play Name That Tune? Call us 570-1949. What's the prize today? She's back! What's the prize? Today we've got a Body Art Expo tickets. Okay, so the tattoo thing and the piercing deal and the whole bit. We got our scorekeeper back. I know, I don't win, but I'll keep score. All right, so call us right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Really? You're going to be like this? Listen, Jay, where's Jay? Where's Jay? Where's Jay? Where's Jay? Where's Jay? Hey, Jay, tell the people that are on hold right now for Name That Tune, either get their number and tell them we'll call back or see if they'll hang on the line. Okay. Because it's that good. It's that good. I don't see what the big deal is.
Well, let's talk because... You guys are, of course, making a big deal out of it. Weird. Weird, yeah. Everything that we had planned right now, I don't want to do. We're talking about what Sienna just said. Out the window. Sienna just said to us off the air that her husband thought something was weird that she didn't think was weird, and she's presenting it to us like, can you guys believe that? Like, he's weird. Can you believe that Todd thinks that? Yeah. Sienna. It's not a big deal. It's a huge deal. It is not. It's the biggest deal I've ever heard. It is not. Well, I was showing my husband, Todd, our baby book, because I've been filling in things since Sage has been born and whatever. Put your seatbelt on tighter. Yes. Stop it. Buckle up. It's not a big deal. It's a big deal. People do this. I've never heard of anybody doing that. I have. Okay, well, we'll find out.
Jay is like, what are you talking about? Yeah, because Jay's not in the room. Okay. So we're going through the pages and we get to a page and Todd's like, what is that? And I said... It's Sage's umbilical cord. It's not a big deal. And I said, yeah, it's her umbilical cord. And he's like, he looked like he was going to throw up. So did we. Yeah, so did I. Except for Lauren. He's like, how dare, what? How could you keep this? Oh, my gosh. This goes in the trash. Yes. No, it does not. That is the last thing that kept us connected. Yeah. Absolutely. That kept my baby alive through that, and that's the last piece of what kept us connected, and I'm keeping it. It's her umbilical cord. We have all of our kids' umbilical cords. Thank you, Jay. Thank you, Jay. We have them all. Of course. How old's your oldest? 23. What does that look like? 22. What does that thing look like?
It was almost the same as it did when it, you know. It's like a raisin. Yeah, petrified turd is what it looks like. It looks like a mummy's finger. I'm going to vomit. You know what it looks like, I bet? It probably looks like when somebody's on Mount Everest and they get frostbite. It looks like their nose. Okay, it's not the prettiest thing, I'll admit. But who cares? It's something special and I'm going to keep it. And if I were to throw it away, I couldn't do it. Can you have Todd do it? No, I don't want that gone. I'll do it. Can you put it in a box and not taped in an album? But it goes in the baby book. That's where it belongs. I'll do it, but I have to put on a hazmat. Absolutely. No, he looked at me just like you guys, and I didn't understand. And I was like, you're nuts. Of course you keep the umbilical cord. No, of course. I know a lot of people that do. I'm not so sure that when I'm a mother, I will be taping it to a book. 570-1949. You will. I probably will. I probably will. What do you think? I want to know what people think of this. 570-1949. To me, that looked like a leprechaun to me. Yeah, to me, that looked like a leprechaun to me, too. Because it falls off at what? Six weeks or something? No, hers fell off. No, they fall off within the first two weeks. Oh, okay. Yeah, when hers fell off, she was about a week and a half, and I was changing her diaper, and it came off, and I picked it up with my naked fingers, Mike. Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, my God, it fell off. Like, no problem there.
The baby buck cut a piece of tape. It's taped in. We kept everything. Yeah. First haircut. You're a hoarder. You're a hoarder. You're a hoarder. You're a hoarder. Wait. I'm keeping a hair, too. Jay, you have hair? Yeah. The first little curly lock. Like one little locket? My parents have a locket to my hair. One locket. One locket. I think that's okay. One locket. Hair is okay. Well, it's dead, too. It's not a grody. It's not like an organ. Everybody has hair. Everybody has hair. Everybody has an abilical hair. Right. Not on them at all times. That's true. Dude, I'd pick it up like I just found a mouse that passed away by the tail. No, I picked it up and I like checked it out and I was like, oh my God. Sniffed it a little. I didn't sniff it. I didn't sniff it, but you guys. Did you save her first duty too? No, but I took a picture of the big, there's always like a big explosion right when they just come out. Shut up! Yes. Todd actually has emailed it to his friends. Oh, my gosh. He took a picture. He said, now you know it's my kid. Oh, my God. Of duty. Oh, my God. Sorry, babe. Holy cow. He's probably listening and I'm like, really, you had to say that? 570-1949. If my wife suggested that we... Yeah. I would have Ralph. No! You guys...
Baby, that's what kept them connected. Remind me to never look at that album. I love your daughter. You know how much I love your daughter. I'm showing it to you. I'm going to put it in your face. M1 Michelle from La Mesa. Hi. Save it. Yes! I'm telling you, when that little thing falls off and it's your baby and you love that baby and you're like, oh, it's so cute. What happened to my son in the bathtub? Michelle, Michelle, I'm even asking myself, even if I'm 24 years old and my mom goes, hey, guess what I want to show you that you've never seen? I'd be like, mom, mom. It's cool. You'd be like, wow, that was attached to me. Oh, great. Hey, listen, there's certain things you'd... you keep, and there's certain things you don't. Like, when a boy goes in and he gets snipped, you don't keep that. You don't keep that? Some people keep that. No. Those people are called Ed Gein. Yeah, Ed Gein and... Extra Skin? Yeah. Yeah, Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, he probably has that. Yeah, James Gunn keeps it. I would definitely keep that. Why not? Oh my gosh. Let's see. M1, Jesse from Valley Center. What's up, Mike? What's up, dude?
Not much. So I'm definitely not the world's most authority on because I'm not married and I haven't had a kid. But, you know, I was thinking, you know, when I was five or six, like, you know, I kept my tooth, you know, when you're that young. But when you're older, you get rid of that junk. That's also different to me. And the reason that a tooth and hair are different to me is because they're external. You know, they grow out of your body. This is an umbilical cord. No, that grows inside. No. That grows inside. Not inside your body. No, I know, but it grows inside the body. Yes. Well, then you guys are really going to be grossed out because we brought the placenta home. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I knew of that. I almost did. No, no, no, please tell me. What did you do with it? You're being sensational. We buried it underneath the big oak tree in our yard. I think that's, it sounds gross, but it's cool because that thing took care of your baby and now it should continue to take care of your baby from afar. My jaw is dropped open right now. Yeah. Why did you bring it home in? It was these plastic bags. It's like a sealed hazmat bag. And then it looked like a shopping bag. And I'm like, yeah, we're going to go ahead and check out. Yeah, I've got my placenta. Yeah, good with that. Okay, good. I was like, oh, my God, I've got a slimy. See, when I had sage, they just tossed it and didn't even give me the opportunity. Thank God. They had a request. It wasn't like, you know, would you like to say it? I was like, I'm going to need this. If they had asked me, I would have said yes because I wouldn't have been able to say no.
I'm really having a hard time coping right now. My skin is crawling. I'm having a hard time coping right now. Jay, you got all the placentas? No, we just did it for one. Which one? It was for Finnegan. Oh, wow. He's a special one. Mm-hmm. You have all of their umbilical cords? No, all of those. Where do you keep them? In a jar. In a book. In a jar with a piece of scotch tape that says weird things. Yeah, if you ever got investigated for murder or somehow, they'd be like, oh, case closed. Look what we found. We found four umbilical cords in here. No, they'll think, what a sweet parent to keep the umbilical cord. They wouldn't do anything bad. No, they would call it Exhibit A and it would be labeled evidence and put into a Ziploc bag. would go, holy crap. This is the nail in the coffin. We got it. It's done. I bet Rebecca kept it and just didn't tell you. If she did, she wears them as earrings. Can we get her on the phone and find out? Oh, I know she would. You can, but I know she wouldn't. I bet Jamie would keep them, too. I bet Jamie would keep them. Jamie...
traditionally Jamie doesn't like to throw a lot of stuff away so I would I would I would imagine that what you said that Jamie is like borderline hoarder she's borderline hoarder she's gotten a lot better when we first got married holy cow hey babe do we need this calendar from 1987 we really don't because it's not coming back I used to keep everything every card that anyone ever sent me just a big box of them and I'm like what am I What am I doing? That's the thing. What are you going to do with them? Like, what are you going to do with the empirical cords after a certain point? That's the thing. It's like, when is the last time that... When are you going to break that out, Sienna? Whenever someone wants to see the baby book, I'm going to proudly show them. You're going to have 50% of people, women, that think that it's adorable. And you have 50% of people. Is that a term? See, I didn't even think that you guys existed. I thought Todd was weird for saying that it was weird. Oh, yeah. She told us this off the air. Like, can you guys believe? I was like, oh, you guys. So Todd and I were talking last night. And he's an idiot. I can't believe he thought this. And you guys looked at me like, don't even talk anymore. Don't even talk anymore. Don't even talk anymore. We need to talk about this. We're like, yeah. You're crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. I feel like you guys are shaming me.
What else are people saying? So far, they're on my side. Because at first, I was like, well, yeah, that's what everybody does. And then the way that you're so skeeved out by it is like, maybe I won't keep mine. I don't know. You will. You will. I don't know. L-O-B, you would keep umbilical cord. The point of... what are you going to do with it? And when you just flash forwarded, Mike, to you being 25 and being like, ugh, at your own umbilical cord, I'm like, yeah, what are you going to do with it? Who cares? Hey, Mikey, guess who's on the phone? My wife. Of course she did not. Hi, honey. Hi. Imagine if you had suggested that to me, I would have flipped out. Yeah, that's why I kept them without suggesting it. Oh, no! You sleep in the same house with him every night, Mike. Mike just flew back in his chair. It's right outside the bedroom door. Oh, there you go, Mike. You can check him out. Are you joking or you're joking? No, I kept on. I knew you would be scared. Where are they? What do you mean outside the bedroom door? Don't tell them, Rebecca. What do you mean? He's going to want to see them. What do you mean, babe? I kept on. And what do you mean they're right outside the bedroom door?
Well, I have all of the, unlike Sienna, I haven't really put together the baby book yet, but I have all the elements for the baby book, and they're all sitting on that, like, whatever it's called, like the shelf thing right outside the door. I just heard my own son and got skeeved out knowing that his ambivalence is in your home. You sleep 10 feet from it. It's next to where I sleep now. You sleep 10 feet from it. It's in your pillowcase. Honey! What? I just... This reminds me of the movie The Bone Collector. No. Yeah, I agree. I'm like, I'm supposed to just throw this away? It would have been too hard to throw it away. No way. Did you guys throw away duty? We just got a text that says, hey, Mikey, you need to tell Rebecca how bizarre that is. Signed, Jeffrey Dahmer. Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe. It's not weird. It's weird. Rebecca, I don't think it's weird. You did not. Are you for real? Yeah, hon. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. I kept their hair from their first haircut. Are we weird, Woods? Yeah, you're weird. You guys are weird. No, no, no, no. I mean, are me and you weird? No. I don't think so either. It falls off for a reason. If you were meant to keep it, it would stay on. Then why do teeth fall out? Because they grow back. Hair. That's a good point, Fiona. They grow back. They grow back. They grow back. Babe, I think we should. I'm serious.
I think we should throw that out. Hey, listen. We don't lose a little umbilical cord and then grow another one back. We lose teeth for other teeth. So why does it make it better? Because that's natural. Isn't that grosser though that it grows back? No. Why are you keeping it if it grows back? The umbilical cord never comes back. I know, except for a reason. It's garbage. It should be garbage. It belongs in the recycle bin. I can't. believe. Rebecca, when you said that you kept them, Mike flew back in his chair and both hands went over his mouth and I thought he was going to cry. Oh my gosh. It was like, that's not in my house. It actually gets worse than that. I could really skeeve him out. Do it, do it, do it, do it. What? I kept all their turds up until they joined. But it's the umbilical cord. Okay, when we first brought the twins home, it was really crazy here. You know what I mean? Just craziness and babies and Jake and everything. And so I would go, I would carry this, like, bag, which was kind of like my purse. It was like a diaper bag. And I would carry it upstairs and downstairs, and I would fill it with anything that needed to go upstairs or fill it with anything that needed to go downstairs because I never had my hands free. I would carry it over my shoulder. Right.
Well, I don't remember if it was Luke or Ryan, but one of them lost their umbilical cord downstairs. And I was like, I got to, you know, I want to take it upstairs to store it with all the other stuff. I'm in shock. I'm in shock. Don't say what I think you're going to say. Whatever. So I threw it in this bag and it was probably like, I don't know, three, four months later that I was cleaning it out. And I'm like, oh. He can't hear you he took his headphones off He can't hear you. He's in my area now. Hold on, Rebecca. He seriously can't hear you. Rebecca, I thought you were going to say that you didn't have your hands free, so you carried it upstairs in your mouth. I thought the same thing. I was like, oh, God, please don't say it. Please don't say it. She has more to tell you, Mike. Get back. Put your headphones back on. I can't carry all this stuff upstairs. Hurts atmosphere. Hurts atmosphere. Hurts atmosphere. You're not angry. Yeah, why are you angry? Because I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. She's a good mother. Oh.
Like, I think we went to church, maybe over to mom and dad's house. Mike, when you reached in that bag to grab a diaper, you touched it in the diaper bag. It was everywhere. Many months. Yeah, many months. You probably touched it, for sure. First of all, my mouth is full of saliva. But I, babe, I have to tell you, if I had reached into that bag. Well, you probably have. And I touched umbilical cord. You probably thought it was like. Just a crumb. Like an old crusty turk. A french fry. A french fry. You probably thought about eating it for a minute. Like, oh, look at that. I'd have passed out. I'd have passed out. You wouldn't have known that it was it. What is this? A sweet potato fry? Oh, my gosh. No, it looks like a little, like a bigger raisin. Yeah. And it's harder. It's not that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal. Babe, it's as big as a deal can be. If you inflate a deal. To its largest point, that's what this is. Listen, I get there's a difference between the husband and the wife, the mom and the dad, because it's the same thing. I ask Lukey to give me a kiss, and it's the cutest thing. He turns to me, and he gives me this full open mouth lick kiss. He sticks his tongue out, or he opens his mouth like that, and it's spit all over his lips. It's cute. We don't care.
And I could care less. I think it's so cute. And Mike is just like, oh, my God. I do that with my dogs. I go like that. I'm like... Well, because the babies were in us, and that was the last thing that connected us, you know? So you just want to hold on to it. Rebecca, you could have called Mike just now and said, hey, I kissed another dude, and he wouldn't be as freaked out as he is right now. Like, I looked at my arms, and my arms literally look like a turkey. Chicken skin. Chicken skin. Like, holy cow, there are three... baby umbilical cords at our house. It's like a haunted house. Michael Jackson just called and was like, how weird. Ew, gross. Are they labeled? He had the elephant man's bones and he's creeped out. That's a good question. Are they labeled? How do you know who's this hill? You know what? This is kind of crazy.
I know Jake's is in kind of a separate place because it's all with Jake's stuff. Oh, my gosh. But Lukey and RyRy's are not, so I don't know the difference. Yeah, just flip a coin. Yeah. You know, they look the same. They all look the same. Yeah, maybe taste test. Mike's hands are not leaving his face. I am so freaked out. It's so gross. Get over it. See, that's why she didn't tell me. She knows that I would. Well, that's why I don't even, I don't say anything. I'm sweating. Smart lady. Look at my palms. It will not affect you. You're going to dream of the umbilical cord falling in your face as you're sleeping. In your mouth. Tastes like pork chop gristle. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Are people saying yes on the lines? I'm dying to know. Alright honey. Love you. You're a good mom Rebecca. Oh, my gosh. M1 Virgin Nikki from Escondido. She kept it. She definitely kept them. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so my mom kept my umbilical cord. So when I was, like, in middle school, I open up my baby book and I see it, and I'm completely disgusted. To look at your own umbilical cord when you were a kid was like, oh, my gosh, that's disgusting. So here I just, you know, had my third baby. And knowing this could possibly be my last baby.
So I'm thinking, okay, you know, what do I do? I'm sitting there. It falls off. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it. What do I do? I threw it in the trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Virgin? Nikki? No, no. Virgin Nikki. Good move. Good move. It was hard, I bet. It was. It was actually, like, I felt kind of bad doing it. But, Sienna, I really think that, like, your logic in it is awesome because it's true. It is the last thing that connects you to your baby. I think that's awesome. So moms get it. What about your boob? Your boob connects you to your baby. Yeah, but not for my whole life. I would have flushed it. Oh, stop. I'm sorry. I would have thrown it. I'm telling you. The thought didn't even cross my mind to throw it away. I was immediately like, oh, I keep this. Cool. Sorry, Todd. Sorry, Todd. Stop it. Sorry, Mike. That needs to be gone before I write. No. It needs to be gone before I get home. It needs to be gone. As far as you know, it's gone. It's not hurting you. It is hurting me. It's hurting me. It's hurting me bad. It's hurting me softly with his song. All right, so we'll still do Name That Tune. We'll do it when we come back. I got something big I got to tell you about that I'm doing. Oh, my gosh. We were in the limo on Friday.
Me, Woods, and the listeners that we took on our Uta manicure just did Jay's rejoins to him for an hour. For an hour, yeah. Things that we say coming out of commercial. Ever get roasted real good? I'm so tired. We did that. I can make 100 biscuits in an hour. There is no doubt about it. I believe that there is only one soulmate for everyone. No, it wouldn't be the first time. Why are J's always so great? Oh, yeah, we did every one of them. I'd rather be skating or surfing any day. We did that a million times. Thanks. M1 Brando texted in and said, Hands down, everyone listening is asking their parents if they've kept their umbilical cord. I'm going to vomit. M1 Elizabeth says, I'm a woman. I had a baby in July. I chucked it with a poopy diaper. Keeping umbilical cords is skeevy. My wife did it and Sienna did it. What's really gross is that some people in some cultures will save them and fry them. Oh, yeah. And eat them. I wouldn't fry it. That seems mean. You boil it or you bake it. That seems weird. You're hurting it. Yeah, that would be weird. Yeah, I bread it and grill it. I would never fry it. You keep it and keep it in a safe place. Make sure it's all good.
By safe place, you mean a baby book. Safe place, you mean the garbage can. Stop. Stop it with that nonsense. I want my billichord billichord. There you go. I want my placenta, placenta, placenta. I want my placenta, placenta, placenta. Chili's. Placenta. Grill. Barbecue sauce. Ew. Chili's and billichord. When you guys woke up this morning, did you think you'd be singing about a billichord? No. No, I didn't. It's making me get a weird feeling over my whole body. Yeah. M1, Alex from Escondido. You can hear me on the radio. Hi. Yeah, we sure can. We can hear you on the radio. Alex, are you there? Yes, I'm here. What was the word of the day? Turkey. That's correct. Congratulations. You just won a pair of tickets to the FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash. Nice. Good work. Hang on the line, please. All right. All right, let's do some Name That Tune. You call us right now, 570-1949. What are they playing for, Jay?
We're Body Art and Expo. Body Art and Expo. And what's the theme? Today's theme is comedians. You're going to recognize their voices. We have to recognize the comedian's voice. I'm back in the game. All right. So we got M1 Rob from Skyline. And who would you like? You, Mikey. Oh, wow. That's not a good choice. But I'll do my best for you. Hang on the line. M1 Amazon Beauty from Ramona. Who would you like? All right. Hang on the line. Why doesn't he start with us ever? M1 Nubian Prince from Sarah Mesa. Do I even have to ask? No, you do not. No, you don't. No, you don't. Just go ahead. Give me to my sweetie. There you go. That's so great. You got L.O.B. And I know how to do this now. M1 Alisa's boyfriend from Oceanside. Who would you like? Who's left? That is so mean. That is so mean. I even tried to help. I even tried to help. I don't even want you now. I even tried to help. I even tried to help. Hang on. Someone's whipped on Elisa, so. Hang on. Hang on. All right, here we go. We use our name as a buzzer. If we know what it is, we yell out our name. And it's comedians. We have to recognize their voice. Here we go. Here it is. Dentists. Lauren. Whoa. Richard Pryor. Yeah. Negative one. Tell you not to pick your team. Mikey Woods. Damn it. Mikey.
Darn it. Bill Cosby. Yep. Good work. A little vomit. I believe in rainbows and... Mikey. Mikey. Steve Martin. Stare at me, pal. Oh, yeah. Wow. Slit your throat. Here you go, Woods. This will get you. Goodness. There are four white people in the audience. Mikey. Wow. Richard Pryor. Woods. Yeah. Woods. Dave Chappelle. Just like that. Tied. Lauren, negative one. Woods, one. Mikey, one. Here's a tough one. All right. All right, Bruce Springsteen did stand-up comedy. Oh, what is that guy's name? Sienna. Oh, it's that crazy guy. Three, two, one. Yeah. Okay, Sienna. I don't think it's who I think it is now. Adam Sandler? Play it again. That was like in a tin can. I wouldn't be here. Yeah, I got to write these jokes. So I sit at the hotel at night. I think it's something that's funny.
Lauren. Mitch Hedberg? Dang it. Dang it. I couldn't think of it. Dang it. Okay. Here we go. You got people like this around you. Lauren. Mike. God, I cannot get these. George Carlin. I cannot get these. My brain is slow. Lauren, Woods, and Mikey are all tied with one. Nice. This one's easy. Candy was my whole life. Lauren. Wow. Jerry Seinfeld. Son of a. Damn it. Lauren's on the lead. Here we go. Woods. Woods. Chris Rock. Ow. Woods and Lauren are tied. There we go. And it's weird in California. Woods. Bobcat Goldthwait. Damn it. It did sound like him. You're right. All the state parks caught a fire. Mikey. Mikey. Robin Williams. Idiot. I'm talking to you, Mike. Okay, here it is. This next character is called. Lauren. Zach Galifianakis.
Wow. Nice and good. Good one. So where are we? I hate this game. Why am I back? I'm only good to keep the score. Lauren, three. One, one. Mikey, two. Sienna, negative one. That's all right. So we have two remaining. All of a sudden. Michael. Mikey. Jack Black. Yep. Nice. Mike and Lauren are tied. Wow, this is it right here. I got one more. I was looking at a box of Hot Pockets. They have a warning printed on the side. Woods. Dane Cook. No. I know it is. I don't know. I hope you're drunk or heading home to a trailer. Jim Gaffney. Wow. She's a stand-up comedian. Is it over? Yeah, it's over. Hey, how about next week we do Name That Tune Debutante? Yeah. How about Yankees after that? I'll name that one. Jewelry stores. Yeah, jewelry stores. I'll get it. How about Yankees? Then Mikey can do taco stands and we'll just kill it. Taco stands. M1 Nubian Prince. Rubio's. Anything with bare toes. Your girl brought it home for you, buddy. It is.
And she won the game. There you go. You did great. Well, I'm making you dinner tonight, darling. There you go. Hang on the line. Hang on the line. Oh, my gosh. My heart starts beating really fast. Oh, my gosh. Voices are harder than songs. They are. Okay. So I've got to read you this email coming up here in a minute. And I also want to tell you about something I'm doing. And I've got all kinds of stuff I've got to tell you. Zach Galifianakis is one of them. We mentioned this earlier. Zach Galifianakis is all over TV today because he smoked weed. On Bill Maher's show? Yeah. They were talking about Prop 19, about legalizing pot in California. Right. And he pulled out a joint out of his pocket, lit it up, and he said, it's a tricky thing politically to jump on the bandwagon because I think that maybe people still see it as taboo. He's sitting there smoking a joint. Is it a real joint, you think? Oh, no, it is because there was a conservative panel guest, Margaret Hoover, and she grabbed it and smelled it and just started laughing. It was real. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well.
I mean, you probably don't have to guess what you think I think of that. I think you're all in. Can he get arrested for that? I think. Maybe he has his medical card. Yeah, maybe. Here's the deal. I did this in 97. I did this stunt. It was all a hoax where I said that I smoked weed on the air, that I got arrested, and then I went on the Howard Stern show. And Howard thought it was really cool, blah, blah, blah. At the time I was 27, I did a lot of stuff on the air at 27 that I would never do now. And if people didn't like it when I did it, that'd be their right to not like it. I don't like that Galifianakis did it. The reason I don't like it is because it's illegal and I don't want kids to see it and think it's cool. Yeah. Because a lot of kids think that Galifianakis is cool, which kind of is a good lead in to this thing that I'm doing. I got a new website called BeDifferentPact.com. And right now we're all, all the people on the mic show, we're all wearing these black wristbands. Okay. And what it is, is, you know, when Jake was born, my son, Jake, he's four. Jake was born. He has autism. And I remember that I used to hear, you know, when I was hanging out with my friends around that time, I was 27.
Somebody would make a joke and maybe it was about the joke said the word retard or maybe the joke was even about somebody autistic. And at 27, when I was partying it up and drinking and whatever, that kind of stuff to me was the funniest stuff. If South Park ever did any kind of a spoof or something with somebody that had disabilities, I was the first guy laughing and the first guy making those jokes. And it changes. You know, for a person when they have a kid with special needs. And I did. And it's no mistake. I mean, it's no mistake. You know how I believe. And so for me, it's no mistake. And it softened my heart. But my heart has been softening over the last few years. And one thing that I've talked about a lot on the air is how I see our culture as a toilet, in my opinion. Our culture is a toilet.
Now, you're free to have whatever opinion you'd like to have about our culture. This is just mine. I think Katy Perry, the music is so good. I love it. It's so catchy. And I believe that. Same thing with Gaga. I mean, listen, I think this stuff's catchy. I really do. I just think that the message that's coming out of the speakers is helping to turn our daughters into whores. I think that it's helping to turn dudes. young dudes as they're growing up I think it's helping them to seek whores and that bothers me it's bothered me for a long time now you can agree or disagree that's totally up to you and and I understand if you disagree I totally do but my opinion is is that I wish that I didn't have to combat that with my kid now I would never ever ever suggest
Getting rid of it. Never in a million years. I don't believe that. I don't believe we should get rid of it. Everybody has a right to do whatever they do. And if you don't like it, then you don't listen or you don't whatever. But there's something else, too. Our culture, more than anything, is geared towards mean. It's a culture that is geared towards mean. Kanye getting up on stage and doing his thing with Taylor Swift was a jerk move. He looked like a jerk. Breakups. Breakups. Courtney Cox, David Arquette. Look what a big deal they're making out of this. And how he was kind of mean about it. There's a lot of mean in our culture. And more than it being mean, it sort of becomes cool. That's the thing that is just, it has pierced me. That in our culture, about 15 years ago, Maybe more. I don't know. But about 15 years ago, it probably would not have been as shocking what happened in my life back in December. It would have been much more shocking is what I mean. What happened in my life back in December with everything that happened between me switching stations. But then when you consider shows like Survivor and you consider shows like Big Brother, Outwit, Outperform,
It's a game. Who's going to form an alliance? How cool are you at forming that alliance? Do you make a killer power move? That kind of stuff has seeped into our culture so much. And again, I don't suggest getting rid of any of this stuff. I don't. I'm not suggesting that at all. If you don't like it, you don't watch it. I choose not to watch it. My wife actually watches it and digs it. However, I would like to see less mean. in our culture. And I've gotten together with Sonny, the lead singer of POD, Heath Bell from the San Diego Padres. I have a request in with Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates at the Chargers and Ryan Matthews. If anybody knows Tony Hawk, I'm trying to get Tony Hawk. I don't even know how to get a hold of Tony.
So if anybody knows how to get a... I may be able to. You do? You really? I don't know him personally, but I know someone who does. How to get a... Okay, cool. I've got his agent's number. You do? Mm-hmm. Because I'd like to get Tony Hawk on it. But what it is, is it's a black wristband, and it's just like the wristband... Livestrong. Livestrong. For Livestrong. It looks just like that Livestrong bracelet wristband. It's black, and the lettering says, Be Different. In white. In white. And this is what the website says. It says, our culture, our world is dark. And by the way, if you want to see the website, it's bedifferentpact.com. It says, our world is dark all around us. Our culture screams mean. Think of the guy on the freeway flipping out. Think of the woman in the grocery store being angry at a clerk. Think of the guy in the coffee shop throwing a fit over not getting the right change. Think of the dad yelling at his kids in public. Think of the bully at school killing some kid inside. Think of the husband yelling at his wife. Think of the woman cheating on her husband. Is that person you? Be different is a pact. It's a pact we all have together to try to think of others before ourselves. It's a pact of kindness. It's a pact of truthfulness. It's a pact of self-control. Flat out, it's a pact of love. Just one black wristband. An agreement we all have together as a culture, as a city, as a neighborhood to be different.
Just one black band that we wear that reminds us to be different and make a difference. Are you in? Now what we need, it'll be like a grassroots thing. But my vision is this entire city, every person is wearing a black wristband. Just like it's my vision that every human being in San Diego is listening to the Mikey show. Mine too. But I want... everybody in San Diego to be wearing one of these wristbands and then my vision is for it to be a national thing and then my vision for it is to be a global thing and that we're printing the words be different in different languages and that it goes all across the world but now more than any other time I feel like our culture needs the opposite of mean that there be just a general and overall feeling of kindness and of goodness and of truthfulness and of love i just really really and that band it's already worked for me by the way i've already started to get pissed and i see that black band and i go oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah and i think that any of us can use that yep now if you're a business in particular and you can pass them out like at your front desk or whatever you know where you go in and
And you'd have some of these wristbands to give out. Man, we'd love to hear from you. Go to BeDifferentPacked.com. There are so many questions about this that I don't have answers for yet. Like, how are you going to pay for this? I don't know. I'm paying for it out of my own pocket right now. Eventually, I want to have t-shirts. People are wondering probably where can you get them. Where can you get them? And a bunch of people have sent, then filled out this form. And I'm trying to find a company. There is two companies that I know of that their whole purpose is that they will distribute stuff, which I got to get because I can't. And these things are coming in like you wouldn't believe, you know. You're not going to sit in your office with a stamp machine and just write all these addresses out. Maybe there's volunteers and people want to volunteer and go, hey, dude, I'll help you mail these out or whatever. But it's a black wristband that says be different. And it is a pact. that we all have as a community. I'll tell you, man, like Heath Bell and Sonny from POD, man, they were in, like, just boom. So cool, man. So cool. And like I said, this morning, I wrote to John from Switchfoot. If you know anybody that you think, you know, if you know somebody that's a person that is either a celebrity or whatever that you think would be good for this.
Eventually, man, I want to see Clooney wearing one. I want Taylor Swift to have one of these bracelets on. That would be so awesome. That would be so awesome. That's where I want this thing to go. And so, you know, if you're interested in knowing more about this thing, go to bedifferentpacked.com. And, you know, I just hope that this thing takes off. worst autocorrects that you've had. My wife probably thought that I was gay the first four times I sent her this text. I'll text her and my phone autocorrects and I say, I love you, hon. And she gets, I love you, John. Who's John? Yeah, who's John? John from Switchfoot. Yeah. I'm like, I meant to say, hon, do you do that? Do you have any stories about that? So we'll do that. Wait till I tell you,
If you want a member of the Jersey Shore to come to like a party of yours or something, you can hire them. You can have them come. Wait till I tell you their individual requirements. And it's real. It's you'll flip out. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, census takers are going all across China right now, going to 400 million households over 10 days to try to find out how many people exactly are in China. It's going to be ridiculous. They're going door to door? Yeah, census takers. There's about 6.5 million census workers knocking on doors right now. Oh my gosh. 6.5 million trying to find out how many billion people are in China. What does that sound like? Insane, right? It's going to take a long time. How many people live here?
Also, after seven years, Elizabeth Smart finally going to trial. Today, that whole case is getting kicked off in Salt Lake City. Oh, wow. Yeah. Took a long time. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, LeBron James has come out and said, quote, if I had to go back on it, I probably would do things a little bit different. I'm happy with the decision I made. But I don't know what I would have done, but I definitely would have changed it. He's talking about his big ESPN special that he did, the one-hour special on where he was going to sign. He is averaging 20.7 points per game, 5.3 boards and 5.7 assists. And the Heat beat the Nets on Sunday 101-78, beat the crud out of them. And this is pretty big news here, man. The San Diego State Aztecs. Are bowl eligible for the first time since 1998? No way. They beat Wyoming 48-38. And you know what? They're saying, hey, this feels good to be bowl eligible, but we want more. Want more. That's huge. That's big, man. I can't believe that. Yeah, they're going to the bowl and Notre Dame's not. I heard that making fun of San Diego State on Saturday when all the college football teams were playing and Will Ferrell was there. And they were like, oh, someone's going to beat San Diego State.
Maybe mad. They're good. They're doing really good. How many people review? Four. Four people? That you know about. Write that down. One of them better be a grandmother because you better not have more than one kid. That's right. That's right. Okay, bye-bye. See you next time. So many people in China. Can you imagine just walking around on the street? There's a billion people. It's insane. Okay, tell me what you think about this email. Mikey and crew, I know you guys talk about a variety of topics and wanted to see how you feel about this. My wife got breast augmentation back in January. I feel good about it. Good for you. Oh, that's not it? No. Oh, I thought that was the end of the email. I was going to say. Gregor, no big time us. So she did so because she felt uncomfortable in her clothing and wanted to feel more confident. She is now dressing provocatively with low cut tops. And when we go out, it seems like every man in the building is staring. Because they are. I want to squeeze them. My issue is that she didn't dress provocatively before we were married. And had she.
I probably wouldn't have found her as interesting. She didn't have the goods before. That's right. Anyway, I thought this would make for an interesting on-air discussion and one truly. So what do you think about that? I'm so confused because I would think that the guy's like, yeah, check out my lady with the big jugs. But what if you don't like your lady, you know, dressing? Like a hooah. Yeah. Putting her goods up on the shelf. Yeah, what if you don't want her to display the goods on the shelf? What if you just want those goods for yourself and you don't want Creepy J and Creepy Woods sniffing around at what you got going? Especially if that's the way she wasn't before. Now she is. I just need to see a picture. I need before and after as well. Maybe it's just a phase because I think if I don't have them, so if I got them, I'd be like... We spent good money on these. I'm going to put them out there. Really? And I'm sure she's stoked because she's filling out shirts that she couldn't fill out before. And, you know, maybe things are fitting better if she didn't, you know. See, I think the misconception is, and of course Woods and Jay will disagree adamantly. I'm sure. But I think the misconception is that a girl has to wear something low cut for us to really get that she's got great. No. No. Man, sometimes.
Sometimes less is more. And sometimes you'll see a girl in like a sweater, like a tight turtleneck sweater. And you're like, oh, mamacita. You'll think I'm nuts. You'll think I'm nuts. I think a girl in a bikini is sexier than a naked girl. Because there's more to the imagination. You know, well, here's I see your point, because back in the day when I never been a big strip club guy. But when I used to go to strip clubs, sometimes we had to. The radio station I worked at, it was a very male heavy. And we had promotions there and we had to go, literally. He's actually being honest. I am being honest. I would spend the majority of my time, if I was going to flirt with somebody, it was with the cocktail waitresses. Because I was like, look how freaking hot she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, great, great. Yeah, nice boobs, nice boobs. Look how cute the cocktail waitress is. And they had clothes on. So it leaves more to the imagination. I think it's really sexy with a girl in bikini too. 570-194-9. But I like naked girls, too. Yeah. You know, whatever. I don't really discriminate. I'm kind of surprised that L.O.B., because L.O.B. is very, she's very appropriate dress. Buttoned up. Yeah. Buttoned up. Yeah, very buttoned up. At work. And I kind of, huh? What? That was great.
What do you know about? You gotta see her outside these four walls, pal. I've had the pleasure. I've had the pleasure. No. I can't see her, like, skanking it up, though. No, no. Skanking it up. It's a softer, gentler L.O.B. You can polish a turd. Let's put it that way. Oh, my gosh. I clean up nicely. L.O.B., but if you got a boob job, you're telling me you'd wear the low-cut stuff? No, I don't think I would, but, like... Everything you already had that fit appropriately for your little raisinets will now be like, you know what I mean? It'll be tight and more revealing. Maybe next time don't wear a bra. What? That's what you do. You just don't wear a bra then. That's the way you can show them off. You don't have to wear something low cut. I mean, a lot of girls, when they get the boob job. They go braless and you're just like all in. Can we write that down? My skin just crawled. My skin just crawled. I'm a guy and I feel like I need to cover my breasts when Jay talks. I think Sienna is a perfect example. You know Sienna has big boobs, but she doesn't wear stuff. But you still know.
There'll be days when I'll come home from work and Todd will be like, did you wear that top today? Really? And I'm like, yeah. Not because he doesn't even care if they're out. He's like, damn it, Woods. He's like proud. I'm like, you're an idiot. But no, I like to keep it covered up more than anything just because people creep when there's nothing there. They're going to really creep when there's something there. You always have. And you've always dressed like, you know, conservative. Like you've never, I've never known you to wear anything to show them off. They don't just run in the family. They gala. I mean, I joke about them all the time. You have to, or else you're going to drive yourself crazy. Yeah, can you imagine going through life, like, keeping them totally covered? You lose your mind. Let's see. Enjoy what you have. M1 Curly from Carlsbad. Are you there? Hey, how's it going? Good, man. All I was going to say was that this guy with the email, he needs to chill. All right? Yeah. He said in the email that... His wife never used to dress provocatively, and now she is, and everybody in the room is staring. It makes him uncomfortable, and he used to find her hotter when she didn't. Well, the way this works is if you suddenly have this woman who wants to feel a little more confident, and then she succeeds, and it makes you uncomfortable, the harder you try to squeeze and, you know, control the situation, the more you're going to make her this now really confident woman in your life go,
I need any of this business. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, man. You have a point. What are you doing? You got to support her, you know? No pun intended, but you got to support her. And be happy that she's now happy and more confident with herself. His confidence may go somewhere else. Did he say in the email if he helped fund it at all? No, but does that make a difference? Well, if he was on board to fund it and be like, yeah, have a ball, then he's got to be, you know. It's like a warranty. In other words, she's not living up to the warranty. I paid for this. Yeah, you have to do what I say. He sounds like he's being very insecure about it. It sounds like he is. He is. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and I'm like, okay, if my husband all of a sudden started working out and got these huge muscles and was wearing a tighter-fitting shirt or something. Not tank tops, dear. I hope not. But, you know, he would be proud. And girls are going to be checking him out, and I think that's what he's worried about is, man, more guys are checking out a rack now, you know? Hey, you guys got to admit.
Dressing provocatively and dressing conservatively is very different. Yeah. It depends how provocative. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a little cleave. A little cleave is nice. But, you know, a lot of cleave. A little trashy. Yeah. You know, I mean. Yeah. If she's just wearing the same old stuff, but it fits differently. And she's like, oh, well, it looks nice. But if she's like wearing mini skirts and like midriffs. If she went out and bought a bunch of real tight shorts. I'd be like. Bustiers. I'd be. Just wears bustiers to work. I'd be like. Now you're talking. Really? What are you doing? Yeah. M1 Bear from San Diego. Hey, what's up, guys? Good morning. Morning. Hey, I was going to say, after my wife had our baby. she got the deed done. I'll put it that way. Good for you, pal. Congratulations. Picked up and put it in the right place. And she has always been a very conservative girl, and I started thinking that she was dressing more provocatively, but like you were just saying, it wasn't so much that she was really provocative. I think it was just that combination of noticing and the fact that she's wearing stuff. Maybe a little bit different, but hey, I took pride in it. I liked it. Yeah, feast on it. That's what I said.
Stuff fits differently when there's redistribution. By the way, by the way, that's a 35-year-old man. Motorboating real good. M1 Gino from San Diego. Yeah, you're on the air, dude. I was telling your screener, I had a little deal with my wife the other night. Costume that I was thinking it was. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. My wife, my daughter, six and a half, she had them done after because they were... You don't call your wife's boobs a train wreck. Wow. Hey, Sienna, Lauren, let me ask you guys. How do most women feel about having their breasts referred to as a train wreck? Maybe sugarcoat it. Sometimes after breastfeeding, you know, they suck the life out of them. Yeah, guys, it was a murder scene.
Yeah, literally a triple homicide. Wait, was it your wife's idea or was it your idea for her to get a boob job, I wonder? Well, I wonder why. They were a train wreck. Wow. I know so much about you now. I feel like we've been long lost friends. Gino. Oh, there he is. Gino. Mikey, I know we know each other from the Sprung Monkey Dance Macabre days 55 years ago. Oh, yeah. That was a long time ago. What kind of days are those? And Woods, I feel like you're my brother from another because I am from Long Island. You just said Hua. My mother still calls people Butana Hua. Hua. Wow. Why he's upset and why I still get upset after 20 years and I know it's killing his eyes for me. It's what you know other guys are thinking. Other guys. Yeah. Girls with big boobs are sludge. Yeah. Excuse me. No. So true. That's not true. So true. Get out of here. I think what he means is like the big fake boobs and they're hanging out of the place. You're like, oh yeah, I can get that if I want to. Oh yeah. You know? I think that's what he means. The enhanced ones. Like a girl that smokes and a girl with a tattoo is a little looser than ones that don't.
It's like a guy code. You're upsetting a lot of women right now. I have tattoos. I'm not. It just means in general. What if? In general, in a guy brain. In a guy's brain. In a man's brain. We're idiots, though. That's true. A guy brain is retarded. You have to realize that. If a guy's showing them off, if a girl, a guy thinks that if a girl is showing them off, and she's got a, And she's showing you her back tattoo. Blasting a cig. She's blasting a cig. She more than light. More than light. More than light. Might want a Boomba. Yeah. Smush. Guys must be thrilled on Halloween. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what women think, too, though. My wife sees a girl like that. She's like, oh, yeah. You stay away from her. I'm like, honey, come on. Oh, yeah. She puts out. Look at her. I know, huh? You think there's any arguments on Halloween night? Yeah, with husbands and their girls. She walks in and he's like, really? Really? You're really going to be a filthy cop? Really? How many times do you think guys have said this on Halloween night? Their woman walks out and he goes, no. No. Absolutely not. No way are we going out and you're, no, no, no, no, no. That's so funny. I'm yes. I'm yes, honey. Nice job. Todd's up too. He would never say no. He's like, yes. I would say no. I would say no. Yeah, I've never been with a...
Button yourself up guy. Yeah. Well, I mean, the thing is, is that you don't, you just don't want to deal with every dude looking at your wife like they're making a lot of... I don't want my wife to look like a... Dime Sanhua, dude. They may not look like that. The girls may be out a little more or the legs may be showing off a little more. Let me be clear what I'm saying. Sexy is sexy. That's cool. You know what we're talking about. The dirty nurse or the stupid angel wings. Cheek showing. Why don't you wear that to bed later? That's fine. That's the privacy of your own home. Maybe not let Bob down the street see it. Is it different when you're married to the person? I've always been with the guy that's like, show more, take off more. It's different when you're married. Hike that up. It's different when you're married. Maybe. It is for me. Yeah, because then you guys become our property. Right, then we own you, LLB. Couldn't even get it out. Then we can tell you what to do.
And you have to listen. I think the problem, like in my husband's brain, if I'm going out with him, he doesn't care how much is showing because he's walking next to me. That's right. But if I go out like that without him, he has a problem. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's a big difference. Never, never, never, never, never. Yeah. I mean, she can do it, but, you know. Hey, man. I just remember that in the back of my mind. My wife's the same way. She will not let me out of the house with a miniskirt. It doesn't matter how much. And those stockings with the line up the back. Your bra is showing. Your bra is showing. Exactly. When you wear your overalls and your tank top where your midriff is showing, she's all the way out. She can't handle it. You want to see somebody jealous and flip it on. Nobody do a picture of Mikey. Oh, boy. Nobody photoshopped Mikey's head on Hillary's picture from the other day. She didn't even like it when you wear push-up bras. No. It's really upset. The girls look nice. Yeah, she's like, really? You're going to let everybody see them? Those are for me. Put on a sports bra. Put on a sports bra, at least. And I do. And I'm like, I don't feel comfortable in this. It's like a uniboob, and I'm just not happy.
Oh, you and a boob. You guys ever done the autocorrect thing with your phone? You're texting somebody? You text every day. What do you do? What's yours? What's the one I do to all you guys? Let me think about it. When I'm saying I love you, I live you all the time. Live. I always do live. Like, gosh, live. Get out of here. Love's a word. Jamie and I, we used to text real fast. And instead of love, we would put L-O-C-E because it's right next to the V. So now we'll actually say L-O-C-E. Like we say it at home. I'll text her, I love you. Or hi, Lose. We call each other Lose instead of love because we've done it. Look, C and V right next to each other. We've done it so many times. Apple iPhone autocorrects Hun with John. So I say to my wife regularly, I love you, John. Some phones, like, I know when Matt used to text me, like, he would start to say, okay, and he would usually write, okay, babe, but sometimes he would text his friend to write, okay, and it would automatically fill in the babe. To Tiffany. What's that? No, it would be like to his friend, like a boy on the East Coast. And it would be like, okay, babe. Because he said it would automatically start to type in like from memory. Oh, man. I say brother a lot. Like, hey, what's up, brother? And it always comes back broth. Broth? Hi, broth. What up, broth? Hi, broth. My cell phone just won't let me cuss. Like I put in no S. No S. No S. And it comes back shoot or something else every time I'm like. No shirt.
I'm old enough to cuss phone. Let me cuss. I'm 47 years old, man. I can do whatever I want. It's like, are you over the age of 18? Yes. 5701949, you do embarrassing autocorrects. My boyfriend, John, is probably listening right now. I was just thinking, at least it doesn't say Pam or something like that. I love you, Pam. Rebecca's like, excuse me? What if it was Jan? What if it autocorrected Jan? Yeah. And I say to Rebecca, I love you, Jan. That would be trouble. Yeah, you think? I don't think Rebecca would worry. She'd probably be like, idiot. Yeah, you're a moron. Yeah. 5701949. M1 Sarah. Oh, no, we just lost her. Bye. Bye, Sarah. Miss her. Let's see. How to get the most for your gold. Sienna! Sienna! Well, I can tell you guys lots about that. That's right. How do we get the most from our gold? Well, gold is always worth something. So a lot of people are selling their gold right now because apparently gold is higher than it's ever been.
However, I personally don't recommend selling your gold. You should always hang on to it. Really? Yes. It's always going to be worth something, and the dollar always wavers. Yeah. Sienna reaches into her bra, pulls out a gold brick. For instance, this is worth. What's wrong with that? You can go to local jewelers, coin shops. You can trade in silver, too, but gold's worth a lot more. The price of gold has touched an all-time high right now. It's $1,308. $1,388 an ounce is how much it is right now. Wow. And the Silver's reached a 30-year peak of more than $24 an ounce. I want to know where to go. Oh, yeah. I want the gold. Give me the gold. I want the gold. You got it. So just do a little research before you try and sell any gold of yours because someone might say how much it's worth when it may be worth more, which you are going to want to know. So like 14 karat gold is only 58.5% pure gold and won't bring you anywhere near as much of- As 24. As 24, exactly. I have no gold at all.
Where to go, man? So I don't know what to do. I don't have much gold. I got two gold teeth. I'll give you a brick. Give you a brick. I'll give you each brick. I'm going to pay the rent. I gave all my gold to my boyfriend, John. He's got earrings. Listen to this. If you want Mike the Situation Sorrentino to come to your party from the Jersey Shore, this is how much it costs. Well, this is what you have to dole out. $35,000. To have him show up? Oh, yeah. Listen to this. He's not even going to perform or anything. Let's say you're having a party at a club. Okay, Sienna? $35,000 for the situation. Two business flight seats. Three coach flight seats. What? Two hotel suites. Three hotel single rooms. Ground transportation. Which you know what that means. Limo. Yeah. Hummer limo. Three comp dinners. Probably not at Outback. Donovan's. And this is the worst of it. Bottle service at the event. Of course. Which is. $700. Oh. Easy. Easy. Yeah. The scary thing is, is that the reason they have this is because people do it. You know, like some really rich parent will fly out.
This guy, I don't even know his name, the situation. Situation, sitch, you know that. Sitch. To come to his 17-year-old daughter's birthday party. Yeah. That's awful. That's insane. Clown. Yeah. DJ Pauly D. Is he going to be spinning? Pauly. Pauly. DJ Pauly D. Two business flights, $25,000 to $30,000. U.S. dollars. Oh, obviously. One coach flight, two hotel suites, one hotel single room, ground transportation, three comp dinners, bottle service at the event. This price depends upon your venue and if you want Pauly to DJ. So it could be higher depending on whether or not you just want him to show up or actually spin. How about Snooki? Oh, she's going to be the most. I wouldn't pay a dollar for Snooki to be at my party. I'm not kidding. Snooki is actually lower than Pauly D and the situation. She's $24,000 if you want Snooki to come to your party. Oh, what a bargain. Yeah, right? Done. Two first-class flights, two coach flights, one suite, three hotels, single room with security. Of course. Ground transportation, two comp dinners, bottle service at the event, and house music is preferred. Vinny Guadagino? Vinny! Yo, Vinny. And Ronnie? Yep, Vinny and Ronnie.
Vinny and Ronnie are $10,000 to $12,000 each. Talent is separate. So are these guys not big players on the show? Not really. The situation is probably the most notorious. The only one I've heard of is that one and Snooki. So Vinny and Ronnie, they will garner $10,000 to $12,000 a piece. One business flight airline ticket. Two coach flights. Three hotel rooms, ground transportation. He'll set up a business and just leave his friends in the back. Yeah. Screw you guys. I'm here by myself. Two comp dinners and bottle service at the event. What's the one theme in all of it? Bottle service at the event. They love to pop bottles, dude. Angelina? You know who Angelina is? She's the one that left early both seasons. Don't know who any of these people are. Nobody really likes Angelina. What about... Sweetheart. Sammy Sweetheart Giancola. No idea. Giancola? No? Yeah, Sammy Sweetheart. Nobody knows? She's a drama queen. It's all just ridiculous money, I'm sure. $10,000 to $15,000 for her. And then Jenny Jowow. Jowow. Jowow's got to be more than Sammy Sweetheart. $18,000 to $20,000. Unbelievable. Sammy Sweetheart's kind of a wet blanket. She wants two first-class tickets, by the way. Yeah.
Just so you know, this show that they're all on, the Jersey Shore on MTV, I read last week that it is the number one show MTV's ever done. Highest rated. Highest ratings. That means that they're going to probably do another season. Oh, for sure. I can't believe it. You've got to ride that gravy train, man. The real world was huge for a long time, and now this has surpassed the real world. I've never seen one episode. I have. I heard it's like a train wreck and you can't turn your eyes away. Yeah, and that's why you don't want to watch one because then you'll want to watch another and see how it unfolds. You have an addictive personality. You watch one, you're done. Yeah, be like Pringles? Yeah. Once you pop, you can't stop. Once you pop, you can't stop. Huge American car makers going out of business. Been around forever. They're going out of business. I'll tell you which one. I got audio of Obama getting heckled and he can't get the crowd under control. It's next. This is a great one. Talking about... Talking about the autocorrecting on your cell phone. And when Julie texted in, she said, if I say to my friends, are you guys coming? The word coming autocorrects to boning. Oh, wow, that's good. Are you guys boning? So I say, are you guys boning? It's private, and what we do in the privacy of our own room is none of your business. That's such a good one. Let's see. My phone corrects the word mostest.
To moistest. Gross. So I text, I love you the moistest to my wife. Oh, boy. That's M1 Starcraft Diamond League. Oh, boy. M1 Lush says, mine corrects don't with dong. I dong like it. I dong like it. Dong, tell me what to do, okay? Sell donging. Long duck. Long duck. Somebody says something to you and you just write back, dong! Okay. So, Sienna, what car company, American car company, is going out of business? Pontiac. Can you imagine? They actually went out of business yesterday. Oh, my gosh. Last day. GM's agreement with Pontiac dealers expired yesterday. So, I guess it happened starting in the 80s when they... They say here they took off their muscle shirts and put on suits is what they did to Pontiac. Yeah, they stopped making the Firebird and that stuff. And the brand lost its edge. Yeah, it did. You see the commercial? Were you watching football yesterday, Woods? A little bit. See the commercial? There's a few commercials on right now that I think are kind of funny on football. That's when I see commercials mostly is when I watch football. By the way, Brett Favre yesterday got knocked into next Wednesday and I have stitches.
Yeah, he'll play next week. Probably play. He's a good player. But there's a commercial. There's a commercial for the Dodge Charger. Okay. It's lame. There's some bad commercials out there. It's got these cavalry guys from like revolutionary soldiers fighting and then the Charger. comes into the scene, it looks like Robin Williams is driving, but it's actually supposed to be a guy that's like George Washington. Nope. You haven't seen that? Uh-uh. Do you watch football? Yes. Like a hundred thousand times. I do not do the commercials. I do too, yeah. I mute it. I mute the commercials, but I see them. You don't see them? I go get a pinch, I'll grab a Sandy. So you walk out of the room when the commercials come on? Go take care of business, file papers, you know. Man, you've got a lot to do. A lot going on in games, you know? I had Mexican spaghetti yesterday. You just called it spaghetti. What made it Mexican? I put it in a burrito. That's so filthy. Wait, oh my god. It's so filthy to me. You can't put it in a burrito. You can put it in a tortilla. Yeah, so I did. It's so filthy. Really? It's not filthy at all. What else? I didn't do it, but what I usually do is fry an egg. Oh my god. Doesn't it all fall apart?
Does what fall apart? When you take a bite of it, like all the noodles. Oh, not at all. He knows how to handle a tortilla. Oh, yeah. You know I know what I'm doing. I'm a pro. But still, the noodles, are they cut up pre-wrapped? You bite it and it severs everything right off. That guy can spin a tortilla on his finger like a basketball. Okay, so I need to know. I need to know the breakdown. It's like spaghetti with tomato sauce. Yeah, it's leftover spaghetti. That's it? Is there meat in there? Yeah, leftover spaghetti. I warm it up in the microwave. Okay. Usually fry one egg. Take the tortillas. It's a fried egg, yolky? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. I take the tortilla and I warm the tortilla on the flame of the stove. Right, that's the real way to do it. Until it bubbles up and it's charred. Flour? Flour. Okay. And then put the spaghetti on there, lay the egg, pop the egg with a fork. So it's yolky. So it's yolky. Ew, with spaghetti? It's repugnant. And then I roll it up. What made you try this? I don't know. I'm filthy. Boredom? Yeah, I just kind of do weird stuff. It's repugnant, dude. Why do you like the yolk on your spaghetti? It tastes delicious. It sounds so gross. It's repulsive. It's not like those things can't go together. Tom Hanks and Cassway would be like, no, I don't want that. Those are three different meals combined. Yeah. Egg, spaghetti, tortilla. Yeah. I think that it's delicious. It's one of the most repugnant things I've ever heard. I'll try it. One day I'll try it.
Please don't. And I'll report back. You're behaving as if it's peanut butter and eggs. Sounds better. That sounds better. It does. Peanut butter and eggs? Yes. Oh, wow. We went to Cold Stone Saturday night. I don't get it. Did you get the line guy? The sample guy? Did you run into that guy? She was with him. Was it your missus? No. Was it Nita? I can't say who it was. Oh, boy. There's nothing wrong with asking for a sample. Yes, you're right. There's nothing wrong with asking for a sample. You can ask for up to three. Up to three. I like that. Sienna, you know what it tastes like. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Goldstone has wacky flavors. Name one. Pumpkin Splash. Tastes like pumpkin. Name another one. How many pumpkins do you eat? Name another one. They're different at different places. You know what bubblegum tastes like? Marshmallow cream. Tastes like marshmallows. No. Marshmallows. Tastes like marshmallows. It does not. You ever tasted a marshmallow? Yes. That's what it tastes like. Pumpkin splash is made up flavor. Maybe a little more nutmeg-y. Tastes like pumpkin. And some maybe more cinnamon. Do you have a favorite brand of ice cream? Yes. Why? Because it tastes good. Yeah, one tastes better than the other.
I prefer it. What do you mean? I know what I want. Dryers is better than the other. I don't go to Vons and go, um, no. Woods? No. Woods? No. But you know that not all ice cream is made the same. Oh, you mean a brand. Yeah. No, I don't. Really? I mean, the one I like is at home in Texas. I can't get in here, so I just get whatever I see. Okay, well, what's she trying to say? Like, if there's Dryers cookies and cream and Breyers with a B, they taste different. Those are named brands. So that would be like, say. So is Cold Stone. No, no, no. But you know what I'm saying. The flavors, you're not sampling dryers and breyers and bluebell. You're sampling. Can I try that Dutch chocolate? Yeah, it tastes like chocolate. Can I try that mint? No. Tastes like mint. But each one is different. Maybe I don't like breyers. Maybe I like dryers with a D. I'm with Woods on this so much because I think to myself. What did she sample? Do you remember what she sampled? You said it. The pumpkin one. Tastes like pumpkin. They have a pumpkin one. But you never know. But sometimes it's too pumpkin-y. It's got too much cinnamon. Pilly ice cream connoisseur. Yes. Okay, if you're going to Cold Stone, you know you want what you want. Fine. If there's people behind you waiting, it's so rude. Why? Those people are going to do the same thing. You guys sound... It drives me batty. It's a brand new flavor. It drives me batty. Batty, batty, batty, batty, batty, batty. And you guys sound like Paul Giamatti in the movie Sideways. No way. Like you're putting wine in the mouth and going...
Sometimes you're like, oh my gosh, that's an overwhelming pumpkin flavor. I don't think I'd be able to eat a whole cone worth of that. Maybe I have to mix that with some vanilla because you even it out. It tastes like pumpkin. I like that pumpkin, but the finish, I just don't know about the finish. It's nutty. It's nutty cheese, maybe? It's overwhelming. Let me try the vanilla. I'm overwhelmed by it. If you try vanilla, though, then I'll maybe make fun of you. I feel sexually assaulted by this particular pumpkin. It overwhelms the sense. Let me try the Dutch chocolate. Even though chocolate can be too chocolate or too rich. It can be like dark chocolate over milk chocolate. Stop it, you guys. Just know what you want to order what you want. You guys just don't have sophisticated enough palates. Apparently not. Mr. Spaghetti with eggs. And then for dinner, I got it. I ordered dinner and Rebecca looked at me like, Why do you do this to me? What, did you get squid or something? Something weird? We went to Los Olas. Weird? And I got... I know. For me, it's just food. For you, you just called the... I just called Los. Yeah, Los. Los. We went there, and I got the seafood sauté. Oh, gross. Yummy. It is good. Why was she... She was looking at you like you were... Yeah, she doesn't eat seafood of any kind. She doesn't eat anything. Things that grosses her out, just the smell of it. She looked at me like I was an alien.
Tell me about the violent game thing, Siena. Okay, well, the U.S. Supreme Court right now is hearing a challenge from some people in California. What's wrong? I want him to keep line three. Keep line three. Okay. Well, there are people, almost half the population here in California, parents, of course, that are upset over some of the violent video games that are out there, like Resident Evil 4, Medal of Honor. But there's one really big one, Postal 2, which is... Oh, boy. I hope it's not what I think it is. Is it? I don't know what it is. But Postal 2, they say it's just extremely violent. Is it people going postal, I wonder? Probably. Kind of sounds like it. I don't know. They're saying, look, there's an age limit for getting porn. There's an age limit for getting all kinds of stuff. There should be an age limit to rent these kinds of games or to buy these kinds of games. Woods, did you just laugh simply at the word porn? Yeah. Oh, wow. There's an age limit for cigarettes. He's in porn and he giggles like... Of course he did. Wow. Well, there's movies that are rated R because they're deemed too violent, so the video games should be the same way. I agree 100%. 100%. This is M1 Maddie from Oceanside. You there? Yeah. So you work at Cold Stone. Worked there for over a year. Uh-huh. And we make the ice cream in the back. The sweet cream ice cream is actually our base.
Like, if you try the sweet cream ice cream, that's the base. And if you get mint, it's a sweet cream ice cream with mint flavoring. Oh, great. Tastes like mint. Tastes like mint. Sometimes there's too much mint. Yeah, and so sometimes people will, like, whoever's making it in the back won't put in enough flavoring or they'll put in too much. I know the cheesecake flavoring is rancid when it's in the bag. Oh, it's disgusting smelling. I can understand people buying it before. Maddie, can I ask you? Uh-huh. You know, percentage-wise. Percentage. of customers that used to say to you, not minty enough. Not minty enough. Sorry, this won't do. Percentage of people that would tell you that something wasn't minty enough. What about too minty? I'm sure she heard too minty. Ooh, that's just too minty. Too, too minty. They won't say that. They'll just be like, no, not this one. People make weird faces. I have a question for you, Maddie. How did you, who worked at Cold Stone, how did you feel about sample guy? The guy that had, you know, and one is fine. She clearly understands. Even two is okay. What did you think about three to five sample guys? D-bag? The guy that was in front of me. I even said no more than three. You can have three. That's the cutoff. Two should be your cutoff. You don't need to try three kinds of ice cream, pal. What are you, six years old?
One. One. Know what you want and order it. You're so bummed and you want to get back in line. Oh my God. Can you imagine going to any other restaurant and be like, can I try your Flamin' Yard? Can I try your Chateaubriand? Yeah, can I just taste it? Let me try your lobster. And then you taste it and you're like, not lobster-y enough. You can sample wine. With filet mignon and lobster, if it's bad, you say, look, this isn't right. I want it this way. And you send it back. You're still a D-bag if you do that, too. That's true. Can I get a little bit more lobster on this? Yeah, I need more lobster. You guys have never sent food back? Never. One time. Me either. Ever in my life. Ever. I'm not the send back. Never. I'll eat it. If I order salmon and they bring me steak, I eat it. Haven't you ever gone somewhere and you get an individual pizza or something and the crust is all burnt? Yeah, eat it. Eat it. Eat it. What? Eat it. And I bitch to my wife about it the whole time. Yeah, and tip, too. I tip, too. If it's inedible, like a burnt thing like that, I'd be like, I'm sorry. I tried to eat around it, and it's just gross. That's happened. Or if it's raw, I'm not going to eat it. I'm not going to eat it. Me, too. Let's see. Oh, let's do this. I really want to do this. The Obama thing. So Obama got heckled. Weird. Take a listen. Doesn't happen to him very often.
People faint, but... Well, this is taking a long time. Come on now. Come on, little guy. Come on, little one. You play now. Republican leaders in Washington, they made a different decision. They realized, boy, we really made a big mess of this economy. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Wait, wait, wait. He's so flustered. Already, I can see. Yeah. Because to everybody, it's got to seem like, really, with that bit? Yeah. Because you've been in there now a couple of years, you know? Are they chanting something? I see. Let me just say this. Excuse me. Young people? Young people. Wow. Mr. President. Mr. President, can you hear us? Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Let me just say this. You know, these folks have been, you've been appearing in every rally we've been doing. And we're funding global AIDS. And the other side is not. So I don't know why. Oh, they're chanting about global AIDS and that he's not helping global. I think this is a useful strategy to take. Oh, it's like a high school pep rally. Well, we would suggest, I think it would make a lot more sense for you guys to go to the folks who aren't interested in funding global AIDS.
And share the bed rally. Because we're trying to focus on figuring out how to finance the things that you want to finance. That's uncomfortable. All right? You got the same thing. Now. Oh, my God. Yeah, right? Now, it is going to take. Now, it gets. Now, what happens is he loses control of it, and he can't get the crowd under control. Take a listen. In a half an hour. Buffering. We'll look forward to that. Buffering. I wish I knew what they were saying. Obama, it sounds like. No, they're against him. All right, you guys have made your point. That usually gets him to stop. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. We've heard you. You guys have made your point. Let's go. Now, look. Oh, God. Let me just understand. He should have said, I have some information about Justin Bieber. Yeah. Listen up. Everybody's all right. I'm good. I'm good. Come on, guys.
Oh, boy. Oh, no, man. Aren't I supposed to just ignore him and keep talking? Yes. Like, what is your problem, buddy? Are you skeeved out? Yes. That's so skeevy. I'm skeeved. He sounds like a dad who's been asked to babysit for the first time. He's like, oh, my God. He doesn't know how diapers work. He's calling his wife, and he goes, babe, I don't know what to do. You got to come home. Oh, my God. I don't know what to do. Come on, buddy. I'll wait. Yeah. I'll wait. Crosses his arms. Oh my God. Oh my God. You guys can put it where the sun don't shine. Young people. Everybody. Hey. Oh my God. Listen up. Listen up. He's like a school principal. Listen up. Listen up. Listen up. Listen up, everybody. First of all, this is one of the great things about Democrats is we always like to be heard.
And that's a good thing. That's part of what this democracy is all about. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Just move on. That is uncomfortable. Anyway. His poor daughters. Happened over the weekend. Okay, so you guys tell me. The Black Eyed Peas are being sued. The reason they're being sued? There's a band that's claiming that they ripped them off. You know this song. Oh, yeah. This song by the Black Eyed Peas, you know this. I love that song. Well, there's a band called Phoenix Phenom, and they claim they were ripped off. that their song, Boom Dynamite, was theirs first, and that the peas ripped it off. Were the Mikey Show jury, Lauren O'Brien, are they guilty or innocent, the Black Eyed Peas? Not guilty. Woodsy? Not guilty. Sienna? Not guilty. Jay? Guilty. I say not guilty. The only similarity that I hear is the word boom. Well, that's a cheer. That's like a...
well-known cheer, the little girls will say, like, I've got that boom dynamite. Yeah, I mean, I got to hear a little bit more of it. You want me to play more? Should I keep going? You can. There's a few lyrics in there. I got that boom dynamite. I make it bang all night. That's right. That actually is what we printed on our wedding invitations. It's really ironic. Jay, have I got there? Yeah, I just, I hear a little bit more into it. It's not even similar. That's what I thought. I'm out. I'm both, but... Yeah. They don't really have a case. Not at all. Yeah, they don't even have a case. Oh, I love this song. It gets in my head. I love it. I hate that part.
They're in the center of two different lawsuits right now. Yeah, I remember we heard one. One of them was back in January. It was Boom Boom Pow. And it was from a Chicago songwriter duo, Ebony and Manfred. That one came back. That was back in January. And then the first one, you know, years ago, Woods and I considered starting a radio morning show. We were going to be Ebony and Manfred. I was going to be Manfred. There's another lawsuit against the Blackhead Peas. It's a Texas-based artist named Brian Pringle, and he says he has a song called Take a Dive, which is where they got I Got a Feeling. Oh, boy. Yeah. Give it a rest. Unless it's the exact same song, I don't want to hear from you. Cheerleaders of the world could be like, excuse me. And just so you know, these people who are pressing charges, they're asking for monetary damages, including all net profits from the tracks in question, as well as all future royalties. Yeah, no problem. M1 Tony from University Heights. Yes. You are a restaurateur. That's correct. And what do you have on your menu?
The specialty items that I have on my menu is a pan-fried linguine with fresh Roma tomatoes, basil, feta cheese, black pepper, and scrambled eggs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Scrambled makes more sense than the runny yolk. The yolk. Hey, listen. Runny's even, I prefer runny. Yeah, Thai. Thai food, you know, like Thai fried rice, they put a fried egg on Thai. Yeah, they do. Fat is flavor, and when the yolk is nice and gooey and ooey, it sits on your tongue. Everything else just explodes. That tastes good with bacon. If you add bacon or salmon, rockin'. Oh, yeah, Woods. I would love to take my spaghetti with my fried egg on it and put a strip of bacon. You can bring that in any time. We'll give it a try. Oh, yeah, you can. I would definitely try it. I'll try it. Sounds good. Asking you shall receive. Yo, I love you. I love you. I love your face. I love you. Right in Mission Valley. I love your food. Thank you, bro. All right, brother. We'll see you. That's M1 Tony. In on that. The scrambled egg I'm in on. The cooked through egg I'm in on. I don't like eggs and spaghetti. I don't like to mix combos. Have you tried it? No. We'll try it. It's repulsive. It's the yolk that just makes me. I don't eat salmon and yogurt. Maybe just get a sample. I don't mix that together. Really? It's the same? It's the exact same. I would try salmon and yogurt. Oh, L-O-B. Sling. Bless. I'm not.
I got some funny audio from Saturday Night Live. They were doing Back to the Future screen tests. Nice. So they were like, hey, what if the role of this person had been this person? Unfortunately, they didn't have Craig Gass because they did a Pacino and a Kinison, but it was still pretty funny. I'll play it for you when we come out. Let me tell you something. Jared is amazing. The guy that does createyourdesignonline.com, friend of mine, who also did our new website for BeDifferentPact.com, which is the black wristbands that we got on. Just amazing. I mean, the guy is just flat out. He's just amazing what he's able to do. And if you've never seen his website and you're interested in getting somebody to do your website, your business cards, any kind of graphic design, and I mean now. You want to know what's really cool about Jared is that
He has the vision that people like myself don't. I don't have that mind. I can kind of articulate what I want. But what he does, he takes what you give him and multiplies it by, you know, a hundred. I gave him a basic outline for our adoption pamphlet. And I go, I don't really know what I want. I just want something cooler than these. And he goes, okay. Half an hour later, we had the most... amazing proof done and we were like oh my god oh my god he's incredible he'll do stuff that you go wow it's so far above and beyond what you what you even wanted you know it's so much quicker than you could have imagined did you guys even notice that at mikeyshow.com he made it look like a winter scene now no i haven't seen it i want to see it yeah yeah yeah it's pretty cool i mean he's amazing and create your design online.com is the website for jared if you want to get him working for you. So Saturday Night Live this last weekend, on Saturday they did this deal where they did these mock screen tests for the movie Back to the Future. And let's see, where did I put that, Jay? Is that on this guy? It's on that guy. Okay, good. Here it is. 25 years, Robert Zemeckis took us on a journey back in time.
And now you can take that journey again with the 25th anniversary DVD of Back to the Future, including never before seen screen tests. Al Pacino as Doc Brown. Doc Brown. Al, you are Doc Brown. Mine. My calculations are correct. When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're going to see some serious. That one's not good. Don't worry. It's better. Doc, you got to listen to me. The bruise on your head. I know it happened. You told me the whole story. you were standing on your toilet you were hanging the clock you failed and you hit your head on the sink and that's when you came up with the idea of the flux capacity oh my gosh it's about time travel eddie time travel that is hilarious that's crazy man that's funny that means you can go in the future And do some stuff your ass ain't even done yet. Like, hey, I ain't slept with you yet, but I will. Yes! That is funny. That's good. That's really good. That is a good Eddie Murphy. Spot on Eddie Murphy. Let's see. How about this? You know, we were just talking about combining foods that, you know, you guys thought was gross that I can't get enough of, spaghetti and fried egg. What if you were to combine a couple of businesses?
in your perfect world. For instance, Sienna's husband had a great one. Oh, yeah. The two things he hates the most, getting a haircut and an oil change. He's like, how nice would it be if we could just go to one place, get both of those things done, haircut, oil change, bam, you're out of there. Absolutely. Amazing. Sold. Absolutely. I would do it in a second if I had hair. And I was thinking I would love to go get my nails done and have there be like a Starbucks or a coffee place there too and just sit there and order whatever I want and just lay back. I'm in on that. See, I'd love to get a pedicure and then get my car washed because then I would feel so clean. I'd be like, my nails look good, my car looks good. Woodsy, you got any guy ones? I got one. Portable car wash and gas. So they come to your business. They do? Oh, portable. Yeah, they come to your work while it's just parked out front. Get your car washed, it's gassed up. And they do the gas. Yes. All the way in. Which means you don't have to go to the gas station. I hate going to the gas station. Who doesn't? Everybody does. What about dry cleaning and gas? Yeah. Because I kind of like sitting in the automatic car wash and looking at the soap and everything. Yeah. I do. It's fun. They don't get all the little details. Yeah, they don't. I want someone working it out. I want grocery store. Oh, yeah.
And nice restaurant. That way, somebody can do your grocery shopping for you while you eat. If they offered it. I would never, ever want anybody to do my grocery shopping for me. Really? Unless it's my missus. Really? What if you made a list? They don't know. What a beating to make that list. I made a list this morning. Exactly. Todd's going. Yeah, Todd's going. He's probably like, oh, God, where is this stuff? I'm a little bit nervous. Yeah, of course you are. My wife made a list for me at Henry's one time, and I'm not kidding. I remember exactly. It was eight items on the list. It took me one hour. Oh, my gosh. Easily. Do you guys ever just do that online where you go through and just highlight all the things you want and just bring it to your house? I've always wanted to. I've been doing trade. We have a friend that we hang out with, and she does it every week. They just show up like clockwork, and they just bring what you need. That's how we do it. I don't mind the grocery store. I like it. I like going to the grocery store. I'll tell you what. And like getting new fresh stuff. You're the only person. I love it. I hate the grocery store. What about, could you, is this kind of what personal shoppers do? Like, I could tell them like all my measurements, what eye and hair color I have so they know what colors would look good on me. Yeah. And my budget and be like, you know what's cool for fall. Right. Would they do that? That's right. Yeah, they totally would do that. That would be so great. Didn't Bark Malman do something? Yeah, Bark Malman used to go to.
He used to go to this place. And we always used to have lunch together, probably three or four days a week. And he'd be like, hey, man, we got to stop by this. It's called Gariani menswear. He said, we got to stop by Gariani and see my guy. And I'd go, all right. And we'd go by Gariani. Oh, Mr. Bauman, good to see you. And he'd be throwing suits up at him. He'd walk out of there spending three grand. Oh, wow. But he would have this guy. And this guy would call him on the phone and be like, I got this new suit. It's perfect for you. And Bauman would go in. They'd measure him out. Done. I mean, like. Once a week he'd buy a new suit. It was crazy. That's great. He sent Bauman a note to his house that said, King Bauman. Come to your palace and get dressed. And I will never forget that until the day I die. He goes, King Bauman. Come to your palace and get dressed. I'm not even talking luxury. I'm just like, I need a new fall wardrobe. My clothes are terrible. And I want someone to come, take the ones that I don't want, give them away to people that need them, and then bring me a new batch of what's cool. I have no idea.
That's rad. I hate going to the mall. I love going shopping. I love it. It's great. Because I always know, like, I'm not Johnny Indecisive like you over there, Miguel. I know what I'm going to the mall for. I'm going for DJs. And you know what I leave with? I leave with DJs. You know how long it takes me? Ten minutes. How? Yeah. No way I can get jeans in 10 minutes. I find three pair. I'm like, oh, these fit the best. These are the ones I want. It takes me no time. Girls have different shapes, I guess, than guys. Yeah. I'm still on the delivery groceries. I didn't know anyone that's done that. Rebecca does it. Because I'm thinking, the biggest thing for me is when I go to the grocery store, I'll be like, okay, I'm going to go for healthy things. And then I'm like, ooh, look at those fall. You're like, ooh, tagalongs. Yeah, ooh, tagalongs. Ooh, Oreos. Nutty bars. I like it all. Ooh, nutty bars. It'll change your life. Because I wouldn't get the junk food if I could just push buttons online. It's not right in front of me. It will change your life. You will love it. Not to mention the whole parking and carrying. Oh yeah, and I have the baby now. She'll go with me and she cries in the checkout line. I'm like, oh gosh, oh. This band is going to be playing live in our studio. Friday, November the 12th. And there is still a few tickets available. The VIP, I think, is sold out if you want to go.
to this concert. I'm going to be there and I'm going to be on stage and they have an MC so I get to be interviewed by the MC. Nice. If you want to go to this concert, this is Cutlass. Go to OutsideTheBowl.org. The money that you do to buy these tickets. 25 bucks a ticket. And when you get the tickets, the money goes to Outside The Bowl. You're feeding kids in Haiti. Oh, I didn't prepare. I didn't prepare a song. Oh yeah, I did. Mike, why are you talking like that? Talking silliness. All right. Just fraying it up real good? Yeah, fraying it up, dude. Feels real good to fray it up.
Study just came out that shows what's more dangerous than crack or heroin. What do you think it is? Cat crack. It is not cat crack. Kill me. It is not cat crack. What is it, Sienna? Alcohol. Oh. Yeah, it's a new British study. They're saying that alcohol is more dangerous than heroin or crack cocaine. Experts are saying it's because alcohol is so widely used and can have devastating consequences, you know, for drinkers and not only for drinkers, but for those people around them. I thought for sure you were going to say cigarettes. No. They also said that heroin, crack, and crystal meth were the most lethal to individuals, but overall alcohol has outranked all other substances. Wow. Yeah, crazy.
Hey, guys. Sandra Rossi here. How are you? Hi, Sandra. Late push. Late push. That's... Well, what I'm doing is just trying to get the word in there. You know, right before we go to the polls tomorrow, big day tomorrow. That's that. That's that. Oh, wow. As you know, tomorrow is, yeah, it's election day. Election day. And I'm Sandra Rossi of Sandra Rossi Handbags 2N's. And I'm running as a write-in. And so just want to get the word out there. Go ahead and hit it, Mike. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, yeah. If you guys don't like it, you can stuff it. Who approved that message? Sandra Rossi approved that message. Thank you so much, Woods. You're welcome. For pointing that out. You're welcome. I am running on all the stuff that you like. Now, wait. I like cheese a lot. I love that, too. You're in support of that? Yes, I'm definitely in support of it. And so, if you like cheese, vote for me. Write me in. But, more importantly, go to SandraRossiHandbags2Ns.com. That's more important than cheese? I think it is. Your handbags? Yeah, I think my...
Well, no, no, no. It's not more important if you don't think it is. I don't think it is. Then it isn't. Okay. That makes sense. But I just wanted to do one late call in to try to get the word out that I am going to be a write-in tomorrow in the election. One more time, Mike. Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh. I love this. to end. Shop with them. Pay attention to the little things, people. Of course. The little things are very important. Yeah. Like we talked about earlier, Rebecca, your wife, Mike, doesn't like to wash chicken and stuff like that. Yeah. Cut up the chicken. Like, that's a good example. Maybe go over and do it for her. Okay. Yeah. Little things like that. Take notes if you need to keep up with her memory. You know, like maybe she drops a hint like, oh, I love this.
Write a little note down. Remember to get it for her birthday. That's a great idea. Take notes. Follow her calm lead versus investigating fights. Huh? Like if she's bringing something up or maybe if you're bringing something up, if she's being calm about it and, you know, just follow her lead. Don't start screaming in fights because it's going to make it a lot worse. Why are you bringing this up? I'm always defensive. Always. It sucks. I hate it about myself. I hate it. I can't. Why do they have to turn to fight? Like screaming. I can't. I can't. I can't. Try. It's on the list. I've tried. Woods could be a hothead with his wife. With everybody. Not just mine. With you guys, I can be a hothead. Did I just say pothead? Maybe if I was a pothead, I wouldn't be so quick to jump down somebody's throat. Another tip for bonding with her is write her a poem. Not on board with that. But at least a cute email or what Mike does, and I've always given him props for this, is you write a little note and you leave it for her to find. Post it. Doesn't do anything for her, does it? It's not her love language, but you know what I've discovered? Is that she likes it now that she's told me that I don't have to. Now she's in love with it. That's rad then. Be her serotonin. What?
Women's brains produce significantly less serotonin, the brain chemical that helps us be happy. So, you know, do things to try and make her happy. Okay. Wow. If she's had a tough day at work, treat her to, you know, a little back rub or something. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Didn't know that. Be her serotonin, Mike. That's like a big thing. Yeah, I'm going to get Woods a t-shirt that says be her serotonin. Baby, I'm your serotonin. You should be serotonin for Halloween next year. Is that it? Yeah, that's all five. And then real quickly, tell me about the sheepdog that no one knew. This is a touching one. Woods, get ready. I'm ready. So there's this sheepdog, and this is in another country, the UK, I'm sure. And this sheepdog, you know, herds animals. Sheep. Sheep and other. What's that? An eewoo? E-W-E? Yeah. What is that? Oh, a u. A u. That's a male sheep, I think. There's an emu. No, I said, I said. It's not your fault. It's a stupid name for an animal. It's gender specific to one of the sheep. Either male or female. Why don't you just call it a sheep or a lamb? Call it a broad sheep. Alright, well that's not the funny part of the story. Maybe it did though. I was like, emu? I know, I did too.
It's the same thing of bears. It's whatever, sheep. It had been about a week. It was tough. That's not bad. So this farmer, stop it. She's got a new baby brain. Leave her alone. Okay, yeah. I sleep for like three hours a night. Okay, so there's this farmer, this family that just gets this dog about less than a year ago. Right. And they're wondering, okay, this is a really great sheep herger, this dog. However, sometimes it misses the occasional few. Like, what's up with this dog? Right. So they put it through extra training. Again, this is a four-year. dog just to like really make it the best it can be. And then they find out that the dog is blind. I know. The reason they found out because there was a little pole sticking out of the ground and the dog ran into it. And they were like, oh my gosh, how did he not see that? So they bring it in. And this dog is like, I mean, they. Woods is tearing up. I know. Never, never did they think this dog was blind. They bought this dog. They got this dog. They loved this dog. No signs of it being blind until about a year later when it runs into a pole and it still did its job and did all the sheep and herded it and everything. The sunglasses in the cane were in a dead giveaway. Do you think he had to look at the letters and say which ones they were? No. Put his paw over one. Is this better? One or two? One or two? You guys, it's very inspirational. They took the little sheepdog in and they said, tell us which one looks clearer. Is this one better? He probably would have been able to tell you because he was able to.
I heard 150 cows. The guy still did his job. Dogs are amazing. Do you think that the dog went... Go back. Go back. The first one. Wait, wait, wait. I don't see a difference. Now the other one. Yep. Okay, I think two's clearer, but go back. Go back. Yeah, go back to the other one now. I like it. He went through extra training, and he was the best, and he was blind, and they didn't even know. He's a good boy. Sienna, he's a good boy. Definitely one is more sharp. Don't make fun. I'm all the way in. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He has, like, superhero senses. Wow, you can't see that you are, like, legally blind. You're blind as a dog. You guys. You want to see a picture of him? Yes. His name is Jack. Do you have bangs? Oh, look at little Jack. I love him. He's so sweet. I love you, Jack. Love you, Jack. Almost as cute as an eewoo. Oh, no. You know what, Hillary? Eewoo! Why don't you do the news? Let's see how you do. All right? Holy Toledo. Eewoo. I realized we were in Perfectville. Eewoo. I eewoo you.
What were you talking about? Hillary, what do you got coming up? Oh, gosh. White Strives, Florence and the Machine, Tokyo Police Club, Cage the EWU. The one day you came in prepared. I know. All right. The lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. The Mikey Show is out.