The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/04/10

1:26Welcome to the program. It's a Mikey Extravaganza. And we welcome you to it. You can call us if you want to. 570-1949 is the number. 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to do that. We'd love to hear from you. And let's do it up. Call us or text us. There's a few people on the show. I want to introduce everybody because we have so many people on the show. There's five people on the show. Myself. Woodsy, L-O-B, Sienna, Jay, and our phone screener, Crawl. Crawl! That's Crawl. I'm the host. Woodsy does sports. L-O-B is our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. And Jay is the producer of the show. I'm not kidding you. Our head engineer came in here just a few minutes ago and said, how's the temperature in here?

2:24We said, it's great. And then he walked out of the room, and it dropped by 40 degrees. It goes back and forth, I've noticed. Like, I'll put the sweatshirt on, I'll take it off. Put it on, take it off. All day. It's 15 degrees in here right now. You know what I think the deal is? I think that our studio is a small space, and so when the air conditioner does come on, it chills it. Yeah. If it comes on for five seconds, it chills it. Yeah. Immediately. We're in a refrigerator. But it gets you all, you know, gets you going. I do not. I don't. We have a couple of things that we want to let you know that are going to be happening at a very particular time. At 8 o'clock, we're going to be telling you this email that, oh my gosh, do we have. We were just discussing it yesterday off the air, the fact that we were going to talk about this. And I was like, save it, save it, save it, because we were so into it. I'm upset by it. Yeah. So am I, but we're upset by it for opposite reasons, Santa. I forget what it is already. Weird. Weird. It's the two-year-old birthday. Oh, yeah. Two-year-old kid's having a birthday party, and dad got 50-yard line tickets for the Chargers. Yeah. Where's the debate? Yep. Oh, shut up. Mom is mad. Weird. Word of the day is chimichanga.

3:48Well, there you go. So today, ladies and gentlemen, when I say that word, when I use the word chimichang in a sentence, you actually get a pretty cool prize. Not only do you get the Legoland tickets. Which are worth $158. But you're also going to get, you're going to be able to go to this thing. It's called Boot Camp. And it's at the Performance Center in Carmel Mountain. What I'll tell you it is, it's just a really badass workout. Where they just, they get you. They get you. Alright? So we're going to be giving, and those are expensive too. So we're going to be giving those away to you. When you hear the word of the day. I'd go with you. M1, but I don't need it. I want to go. Scared just because you said that. I'm like, ugh. Yeah, I'd go, but I just don't need it. Let me tell you what Woodsy said in his recap. Oh, dear. Yesterday. He says, you know, yesterday the surf was giant. Huge waves. Here in town. And as you know, Woodsy's taken up surfing. And so he was thinking about going surfing yesterday.

5:15That was dangerous yesterday. Very. It was dangerous because the surf was so high yesterday. And rough. And L.O.B. even said to him, I wouldn't do it today. You're not experienced enough. I don't think it's safe. If I say it's safe to surf this beach, Captain, it's safe to surf this beach. Okay, so. Woodsy says in his recap, was going to surf yesterday, but decided instead to get a Big Mac, large fries, a large Coke. That's my boy! Love him! You want me to read you the text that he wrote me? Yes! The text that he wrote me says, Big Mac, pal, if you're going to go down, go down in flames. Wow. You know, like, when you go get a Big Mac or something like that, you need to embrace it, you need to have fun with it, and you need to really fully enjoy your time. It's hard. I felt like I was doing something wrong. And I got it and I looked around and I was like, I hope nobody sees me. I ate it before my wife got home. And I was like, I ate it. She's like, are you hungry? I was like, no, I had something from McDonald's. What'd you have? I had a Big Mac. I felt like I was cheating on something. As long as you don't do it all the time. Special occasions. I ate the friggin' lettuce out of the thing. You're picking it with your fingers and the little tiny onion. It has the sauce on it. Yes. Oh my God.

6:34I got a Big Mac with Rebecca in the car, and I asked her if she would prepare it for me. That's what she does. That's her job when I'm driving. Her job is to take out the container, open it, put the fries in one side. Ketchup? No ketchup for me. Yeah, me neither. Don't need it. And she gets it all ready. She'll wrap the hamburger in a little napkin so that half of it's in the napkin. So that it won't fall out. Right. She does all that, right? You take the middle piece out, don't you? On a Big Mac, yes. I do because it's too much. It's not enough. The middle piece of bread. As far as I'm concerned, it's not enough. Well, the last time that we went, I got a Big Mac, which is unusual for me. Don't usually get the Big Mac. She was going to wrap it, and I said, don't wrap it this time. And she goes, okay. So she put the little fries in one side and left the Big Mac in the other side. Bad decision. She handed it to me, and I had it on my lap. And I had a reason. I didn't spill it. I know that's what you think. I was not thinking it was going. No, it's not going there. I was thinking that. It's like a Carl's Jr. commercial. I decided that instead of taking some of it out, which is what I usually do.

7:51I was going to have the whole thing. And so I reverted back to my old Big Mac style, which is that I put the container on my lap and I take the palm of my right hand and I press down on it as hard as I can to make it a flat, mushed burger. Really? And Rebecca goes, interesting. So passive-aggressive. The fact that you have a technique. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. All the greats do. All the greats do. All the great eaters. Great eaters have their technique down. Oh, yeah. I got my technique down and everything. Oh, yeah. You have to. Yeah, you do. Don't be tingling or nothing. Yeah, and then I smushed it. Smushed it right down real good. Yeah, those guys smushed girls. Mikey and I smushed Big Macs. Don't say smush. Yeah, the guys on... Guys on Jersey Shore can smush the girls all they want. All I need is that Big Mac. I was trying to show you on the UT. Is that a picture from Hawaii? Picture of the waves. Is that the North Shore in Oahu? No, Mike. That is Black's Beach in La Jolla. You've got to be kidding me. Look at that. Seven guys on that wave. Holy Toledo. That is awesome. Front page of the UT. Oh my. I got my butt kicked yesterday. Yeah. Jay got killed out there.

9:14If Jay got killed, Jay can surf. Yeah, Jay's a good surfer. I was bouncing off the bottom, getting thrown over the lip. I would have died. I wouldn't have been here today. It was fun. I hope it's bigger today. Dude, is it going to be like this today? I don't know. They were saying that it started Tuesday night, and Wednesday was going to be crazy, and I didn't hear anything about Thursday. Those are beautiful. That looks like Hawaii. Yeah, it does. That is a perfect wave. You should have seen Swamis. There must have been 150 guys trying to sit on the point. It's a point break, so they're just piled up. What does that mean? It means that the wave breaks at the same spot along a reef every time. So you know right where to go. You pretty much know right where to go, but if there's 150 guys sitting on that point, they were right up against their boards or doing this. I was like, I didn't go there. That's not fun. I went somewhere where nobody was really surfing. That stuff, because I'm not... I'm not good. I mean, I like to go out there, but I'm not good. If I pull up to the beach and I see a bunch of dudes in the water, instant fear over my body. I'm a dead man. I'm afraid they're going to be like, get out of here, you loser. I'm going to be like...

10:19Paddling back to the beach. What do you think those guys think when they see this big giant guy coming down with a longboard? Yeah. They know what's going on. A lot of those guys have longboards too. They do? Yeah, but the guys that have longboards are like 45, long hair, tan. You know they've been doing it for... They wear shirts that say old guys rule. Yeah, 45 years they've been surfing and I'm like paddling out on my... neon-flamed board, you know? Anyone like you, though, there's a lot of people, you know, that they're a little scared to go out when the waves are like that and it's competition. They were all along the beach, hundreds of people just staring at the beach yesterday. Beautiful day. Oh, it was gorgeous. Yeah, it was gorgeous. I thought the Big Mac and the couch was a better play than the surf yesterday. Oh, what? It was great. I loved every second of it. I had a similar day. Rebecca had to take... All the kids. I had the whole house to myself. She had to take everybody and go downtown for a thing, for a specialist appointment for Jake. And I went to bed last night at 5 p.m. Wow. Lucky. And was up at 12.30 this morning. Oh, my gosh. Wild. Got up at 12.30. It's insane to me. Yeah. It's insane to me. You don't set an alarm. You just wake up. Yeah. Don't need me. Professional. Yeah.

11:40That's a full night's sleep. That's wonderful. That's seven and a half hours. You think of it like, why would you get up if you don't need to? That's a full night's sleep. Oh, yeah. See, in my mind, I'm like, wow, Mikey slept seven hours, seven and a half hours. But in my head, I'm like, I could have slept ten hours. Yeah. Could have. Oh, man. It was really good. So, man, do we have a lot of stuff to cover. Yes. A lot of things happened yesterday. Merriman and Randy Moss already. What a sports day. Yeah, I know. Man. Randy Moss and Sean Merriman are already on different teams. We'll tell you about that in a second. Did you hear about the drug tunnel? The drug tunnel from TJ into San Diego, which I don't know how they do it. I don't either, man. Who's that guy? Who's the guy with the shovel pickaxe? There's been so many tunnels, too. Over 125 tunnels. What? From TJ to San Diego. Do you think that they do it with professional machinery, or do they do it with... They have to because they put lighting in there. I mean, they'd make these things legit. It looks like a mining tunnel. Yeah. Wow. Had a rail system inside of it. Yeah. I heard there was a Starbucks. No, there were two. They were right across from each other. Exactly. There's a McDonald's too. It was a coffee bean and tea leaf. It was not Starbucks. There's a Wi-Fi. There's Wi-Fi down there. People down there just listening to some, you know, Carole King music. Hold steady. Yeah. It's real cool. Well, anyway, this thing.

13:06Was a big pot? Yeah, okay. This is pretty insane. They think that this is the second largest marijuana seizure ever in the United States. This just happened. And the pot that they found, over 20 tons of marijuana was found inside this tunnel. And they think it was worth $20 million if they sold it on the streets. $20 million worth of pot. So a ton of pot is worth a million? 2,000 pounds. That's a lot. That is too... Thousand pounds of marijuana. I know. Can you imagine what, if you were to look at two, what, how many tons? 20 tons. Oh my gosh. If you were to look at 20 tons of pot, can you imagine how much space that would take up? That's like four cars, right? It's got to be more than that. I mean, no, I get what you're saying. A car weighs a ton. I see what you're saying. I thought a car weighed more than like five tons. No. It weighs a ton? No, an average car weighs about 2,000 to 3,000 pounds. Yeah, so it's about a ton, ton and a half. So it's like 20 cars. That's insane. Yeah, and what I'm saying is that think of how much space is displaced to make up one ton of weed. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot of grass. Yeah, because steel weighs more than plants. That's true. That is correct. And how much of it would there be if you're looking at it in a tunnel?

14:29Holy cow. That's a lot of grass. That makes my mouth water. Well, the law enforcement, they actually discovered 10 tons of the weed in a tractor trailer outside of this warehouse in Otay Mesa. Oh, it wasn't in the tunnel. And they found 10 to 15 tons in the tunnel. So that's over 20 tons. Now, this is pretty crazy. So they walk in this warehouse in Otay Mesa, and this one of the enforcer guys just... Opens a closet. Just, you know, let's check in here and see what's going on. Sees this tunnel in the closet. Looks down like, oh my jackpot! Over here, guys! I mean, imagine that discovery. And so they go in there. There's a rail system, lighting, ventilation in this thing. It's 600 yards. Wow. It's insane. It goes into TJ. Talk about a man cave. Talk about it, yeah. So that's six football fields, right? Yep. It's insane. Holy mackerel. Typically these things are used for, you know, obviously drug smuggling and also bringing in illegals. Yeah, that's like the show Weeds. They had one of those tunnels where it went through one of the little maternity stores down at the border there. Really? Down into Tijuana. And nobody would suspect that.

15:39I wouldn't. I mean, that's the last place you would suspect. I'm so high. All right. I want to know where to go. It's in there. It's in the tunnels. You got it. Give me the gold. I want the gold. Imagine walking in the smell. Whoa! I'm high. That's a lot of grass. And they got to burn it. Yeah. I bet they don't. I bet they do. Where do they burn? 20 tons of weed. Have you ever seen the pictures? They have Burning Man. Coachella. That's where they burn 20 tons. At least. At Coachella. At least. They have all the guards standing around the outside edge and they just have it all burning and the guys have the mask on and everything and they've got the guns. Like somebody's going to run up and grab some. Somebody's going to run up and just go. Yeah. Why do they have the masks on so they don't get stoned? Yeah. I guess so. He would die. I'd hurt you. You would die. That much? Burning 20 tons, you would die. Yeah, you probably would. I wonder if they just drive it out to the desert and there's just a bunch of, you know, wild coyotes out there all stoned. But they don't drive it all out to the desert. Yeah. One for me, one for you. Maybe we keep a ton or so. Pinch a little nug. Yeah, pinch a little nug for yourself.

17:05So yeah, so Merriman and Randy Moss are no longer unemployed. Oh boy. How the mighty have fallen. Sean Merriman was at one time the toast of this town. The toast of the town. The lights out. Mr. Merriman. He's on his way to Buffalo. The 0 and 7 Buffalo Bills are going to be his new squad. You know there was two other teams that wanted him. And he didn't go past Buffalo. He took Buffalo. Now, I think I know why he chose Buffalo. Buddy Nix is the GM over there. Buddy used to be the assistant GM here in San Diego. And so he's got a relationship with Buddy. And so I'm sure that played a big role in him saying, I want to go play for you again. Big enough to go to Buffalo? I guess. Imagine that move from San Diego for years and years and years. To Buffalo. Well, I know that Merriman was an East Coast dude. Went to Maryland, right? Yeah, he went to Maryland, and he loved playing in San Diego, but he missed the East Coast, and he would say he missed the East Coast. And, you know, it's probably a shorter plane flight for him to go from Buffalo to Maryland now, because that's where all his family is. Oh, yeah.

18:27Still not worth it to me. It's a terrible team. Mikey, you can bright side it all you want. The guy's playing for Buffalo. Oh, yeah. Well, here's the deal with Sean is that he needs to now. He's got to do something or it's all over. It's done, man. It's all over. It'll be, you know, if he can't resurrect kind of what he's done, what a flame out it's been for that guy because he was so. Freaking good. So good. Just a total Ray Lewis type, a game changer that could literally take the defense on his back and change the course of the game. He was that good. He knew Ray Lewis, by the way, since he was a kid. Ray Lewis sort of took him under his wing and mentored him all throughout his high school and all that stuff. You go back and watch film on YouTube of Merriman at Maryland. He looked like he was a man playing with little boys. Man among boys. Yeah. Well, then, like you said, there's another guy that's got a new gig, and his name is Randy Moss, and Randy Moss is now a Tennessee Titan.

19:37I think it's a really, really good fit for him, man, because Kenny Britt, who's their star receiver, he's down for the next four weeks with a hamstring injury. And Randy's going to come in, and he'll make an immediate impact. Vince Young is there. Vince throws a pretty good deep ball. I mean, they're a running team first. They have a good record this year. And they're playing well. I think they'll be able to run a little bit better now that they have the play action. Absolutely, man. You got... Randy Moss on the outside running go routes, and you play action a couple times, and that's it. That's a game, man. And Chris Johnson just busting it up the middle. Dude, great move. Great fit in everything. Chris Johnson has not had a wide receiver that defense has had to account for. Now, I mean, Chris Johnson was already a freak. Yes. What's he going to be like now? I know. That they have to cover Randy Moss. Yeah, man. And, you know, they... They have a coach in Jeff Fisher that is going to be able to handle Randy Moss, I think. He's pretty calm. You know, he's not Brad Childress, who is kind of a squirmy, like always kind of nervous. He looks nervous all the time. You know, it's a good fit. I think it's a better fit than it was in Minnesota. There's Brad Childress talking about Randy Moss. So you're about to hear Brad Childress talk. Brad Childress has a very...

20:58Well, it's just a very deep voice. Nobody's more disappointed than I am that it didn't work out. But it didn't work out. And so we're casting our gaze forward here. And I do wish Randy the best of luck in whatever the future holds for him down the line in football. Go ahead. Make my day. You know what this is? This is a loaded 45 in my hands. What happened? Uh-oh. Mike. Hi, Mike. Hello, Mike. Hello, Mike. Oh, I know what I did. There we go. Let's try it again. I'm not going to get into a lot of the particulars. Did we just play that? It's done. It's over with. It was a decision that you don't take lightly, but it was a decision that I had to make, and it's over. Good move.

21:58Four weeks. Is that how long it lasted? Four weeks and a third-round pick. Brett Favre wanted to play with Randy Moss for years. When he was at Green Bay, he used to be in the same division. He just admired him over in Minnesota. Always wanted to play for him. He lobbied for him. Lobbied for him. To get over. And when they didn't go after Moss when Favre was at Green Bay and Moss went to New England instead, Favre was like, are you kidding? Like, come on, dude. Get this guy here. Has he not torched us enough? So here's Brett Favre talking about Randy being waived from his team. Obviously, when you sat down Monday and Brad addressed you guys, what was your reaction to Moss being waived and the fact that you guys are back to where you started the month ago now? Probably like most guys, a little bit shocked. But I can't figure him out anymore. I don't know what Brad's up to. He's a weirdo. He don't even show up to work anymore. So, I mean, he comes on Sundays, but that's it. Do you know what Brad Childress did one time to loosen the guys up? On a flight to the city they were going to, he dressed as a stewardess. Oh, wow. Really? Full makeup. The guy with that deep voice? Yeah. Weird. They came down the aisle. Get you guys something. I think you guys know the same thing. You should never be surprised by anything. I like how I just heard one click of a camera. That was his camera phone. We know that.

23:31Good answer. Yeah, great answer. Well done. Hey, you know the reason that, one of the reasons that Brad Childers got rid of Randy Moss is because he complained about the food. Yeah. Randy Moss complained about the food. Jerk, big jerk. So they asked Brett Favre. Favre. Hey, Favre, what do you think about the catering? Of course they did. Why? I thought the food was pretty good. Can we just save that clip? Yeah, that's really good. I want to save that. I thought the food was pretty good. Something sling bite. Gave me some taters and mustard. French fried potatoes. I thought it was delicious. I especially like the mac and cheese. I like that potted meat. Potted meat tastes real good. I like them good inside.

24:35Don't you put your hands on that boy, mister. I wouldn't do it. I like Bandicamp, so what do you want from me? In the locker, eating the food. I thought it was pretty good. I ate a little bit of everything. I'm not too picky either. You think there will be an NFL commission? That will investigate whether or not he did, in fact, have a little bit of everything. Probably. You ought not talk like that, Mike. A little bit of a Cornish game hand. Do you think they asked him about Brad Childress' compassion? What are you trying to do to me? Yeah. Just back me into a corner? Yeah, what are you up to? I know what you're doing. You're trying to goad me. I think that he is a serial killer. Is that what you'd like me to say? Everybody wants a headline, dude. They're headline makers out there. Is he a compassionate? What does that mean? He's a man. I'm a man. Don't show compassion. I don't know. He likes sex in the city.

26:02He loves Cosmos. Just like a woman wants. Brett getting loose. He gets too loose. He's like, oh yeah, he's a homo. Oh, Brett! Brett! He cries when he wears pink. Kevin Garnett. He's something else. So he's, uh, Kevin Garnett's playing in a game. and says something to the guy on the other team that really upset the guy, had the guy tweeting about it afterwards, and now Kevin Garnett is in a little bit of hot water for what he said to this guy. I'll give you a hint about what he said. Woods will tell you in Woods on Sports Next, but I'll give you a hint. The guy that he said something to has a disease. Oh, boy. Yeah, KG's backpedaling like a madman right now. Yeah.

27:12And Woodsy will tell you all about it. Nuge did not like my old news girl, Sky. Really? They did not get along. Like they met? Oh, yeah. And talked on the phone, and they were mortal enemies. To the point where he actually had to apologize to her. One was a hardcore Republican, one's a hardcore Democrat. Yes. I bet you love Nuge. Loved Nuge. Who's Nuge? Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent. Oh. Yeah. He's quite a conservative. You know where he's from? Probably somewhere in the south, right? No. Where? He's from Detroit. The Motor City Man. Detroit. Detroit. Let's see. Okay, so what's he's going to tell you about the thing Kevin Garnett said to this dude that has a disease? It's not politically correct. Nope. And he's in a little hot water and he's trying to backpedal. Crazy email we're going to do for you at 8. I can't wait. Yeah, because we disagree here in the studio, you know.

28:42It's one that I'm nervous about. Yeah, it could get ugly. Let's just all keep our heads about us. Let's be real sweet to each other. We're all friends. We're family. We're all friends. We're family. Let's just, everybody calm down. Stop screaming. Everybody stop screaming. Calm down. I'm going to cut you. Everyone, be quiet. You're already getting all worked up. Eight o'clock for that email. Sometime between now and ten, you'll hear me use the word chimichanga, weird. How do you keep yourself from saying it early? No, he just ordered breakfast. How did you not say it? Isn't it always on the brain? Sienna delights in coming up with these words of the day. They're always words that make her giggle because they're mean. I know that he has to say that. The Latino flavor, which I really like. And I said that this week it's all going to be a little bit Latino. So next week, who knows what it will be. So John McCain's daughter's cute. Her name is Meghan McCain. Yes, she is. And, oh, wow, L.O.B. I've never seen a picture. She's cute. Yeah. I just know what John McCain looks like. What? Well, she is. She's a cute girl. And she was talking about, she went on Tonight Show. Hello. And was discussing how yesterday Obama.

30:03went on the radio with Ryan Seacrest, Los Angeles. Really? Maybe lock yourself in the Oval Office, get some stuff done. How about that? Is he going to be the new judge on American Idol? She's kind of dirty hot. She's showing us a picture. Yeah, she's dirty hot. Really? I don't get anything for that. Flip it back around. I didn't hear her. I was looking at the picture. What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? Is he going to be the new judge on American Idol? Probably. I like it. It sounds good. Yeah. So, anyway. Yeah, so he goes on Seacrest. Obama goes on the Seacrest show yesterday. So ridiculous. Come on. Yeah. Doesn't that make you mad? It makes me mad. I'm upset by it. I'm upset by it. I voted for the guy. My fists clench. Here's Meghan McCain, John McCain, Republican. It's his daughter. Here's what she said. I think obviously it was a big night for Republicans. And if I were President Obama, I would be very nervous and not necessarily doing serious interviews with Ryan Seacrest. I would be a lot more concerned with what the American public is thinking. Is he talking to Ryan Seacrest? I just think it's not so presidential to do an interview with the producer of the Kardashians. I'm one of the people that still holds the office of the presidency very seriously. And I think it's kind of trashy.

31:18Obama knows that 13-year-old girls can't vote, right? Yeah. Yeah, right? I hope. I think. Because why else? Why else would he go? I don't know. Ryan Seacrest, when they asked, they probably just threw out a blanket to a bunch of people, and he actually wrote back, yeah, I'll do it. They're like, what do we do now? You're really? You're coming here? What do we do? On the phone. You guys, he almost took over for Larry King. He's a serious interviewer at Ryan Seacrest. So here's Obama talking about the election results. Over the last two years, we've made progress. But clearly, too many Americans haven't felt that progress yet. We've gone backwards, is what we've done. I have not. Well, he says that some of us just haven't felt it yet. Many Americans haven't felt that progress yet. And they told us that yesterday. And as president, I take responsibility for that. President? Wait a minute. Because I've heard him blame the Republicans a lot, but that's cool to hear him say that. Yeah. You know? Yeah, he's great. No, I've made my fair share of mistakes, haven't you? I mean, is there any American watching television right now?

32:31that has never made a mistake, all right, then shut your faces up. Excuse me, Mr. President, I can't watch TV anymore because you enacted that whole thing with the digital TV. I did. Yes, I did. But I did that for your own good. I didn't want you watching Kardashians. Oh, okay. I don't want you watching Filth. Can't watch the State of the Union either. Why are you going on Kardashian's producer show? That's a good question. That's a good question. That's a good question. Tell me you like Kim Kardashian's butt. The answer is I like Kim Kardashian's butt. Well, the thing is that you thought you might have a shot with Kardashian. The reason that I went on Ryan's Secret Show is because I thought I might have a shot with Kim Kardashian because she likes black guys. What about your wife? That is a good question. What are you guys doing to me? She's an ambassador. She's actually an ambassador, Kim Kardashian is. And my wife is in China, so who cares? And my wife is in China, so who cares? My wife likes China. No, no, no. What I meant is my wife likes her. Expensive China. My kids really like her. That's why I did it. My kid wanted an Ryan Seacrest autograph. Just a joke. My kids are big Ryan Seacrest fans, and they wanted an autograph. And here's the deal. I'm probably not going to be here. But you were on the phone. You did a phone interview. That is true.

33:49In order to get the autograph, I needed to make contact. In order to get the autograph, what I thought I would do is make contact, and then I would get my daughter the autograph, and I'm a family man. I'm probably not going to be around much longer. And I'm probably not going to be around much longer. Oh, wow. Ryan Seacrest is running for president. Here's the other thing. Ryan Seacrest is running for president. I'm grooming him. In 2012. I'm grooming him to be our next president. Do you know what you're talking about? No. Are these your open thoughts? Yes, they are. What's that I see in your ear? Oh, it's a Q-tip. It's a hearing aid. Nope, hearing aid. What's that? I'm not getting old. I'm not getting old. I'm not getting old. I'm a little deef. I'm a little deef. Death. Well, all right. We'll talk to you later. That would be hard if people were really doing that all the time. I don't know how they do that. Like on SportsCenter, they're doing it and somebody's in their ear. I'd be like, shut up, shut up. I get used to it. John Bonner is the... Drummer for Led Zeppelin. No, different guy. That's John Bonham. This is John Bonner. That's how you pronounce his last name? I believe so. I believe it's John Bonner. It is. And he is... He is now the new head of the... He's going to be the new Speaker of the House in January. Here's Obama on him. Can't snick.

35:08Thank you, Mr. President. I want to ask if you're going to have John Boehner over for a slurpee. Even I'm off. John Boehner. I think it's you were right. It's Bonner. I think it is, too. A serious question. I might serve their delicious drinks. The Slurpee Summit. That's good. I like it. What? I don't know. Why did you say that? I love 7-Eleven. I saw something out there about the Slurpee Summit. Hans Nichols. Thank you, Mr. President. I want to ask if you're going to have John Boehner over for a Slurpee, but I actually have a serious question. I might serve a Slurpee. They're delicious drinks. Do you like Big Ol' Spinner? Yeah, hard hitting. I get the suicide. That's when you mix all of them. You mix all the different flavors together, and it tastes good. Do you get Big Bites? What are your thoughts on Big Bites? I was actually pleased with the Big Bite movement, the revolution of the Big Bite that happened. Do you put chili on there? I do. Sometimes I'll put chili, and depending on my mood, I do this thing where I'll put some salt on there. Learned that in Chicago with the deluxe dogs. Celery salt.

36:17Celery present. It's delicious. Wow. Any other hard-hitting questions? Does my voice sound funny? I think you have a beautiful voice. I think it sounds great. Do you think I should try to sing? I do. I think you should try to sing. You'd vote for me on American Idol. I would vote for you on American Idol. Fantastic. I would. That person is a strange person. Kermit the Frog. Let's see. 570-1949 is our number. And we would love to hear from you. You can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Okay. Things are different, aren't they? Things are different. Things are different. A little new setup over there. Yes. Trying to get you organized. We have too many pages. Here we go. Let's try this one. That's what I need right there, baby. Let's get this thing rolling. What's on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. I know you guys are probably getting tired of hearing about the San Francisco Giants, but they did have their victory parade in San Francisco yesterday. And there's some audio I had to play for you from Brian Wilson, their lunatic closer. Love him. Here's his... Is it a Beach Boys song? No, here's him addressing the crowd. Cut one. Please welcome Brian Wilson. Whatever happens next, I'm going to like. You're already laughing. I'm not a man of many words.

37:54I don't even know what to say right now. Kind of having a mini heart attack. I'm not sure what it's from. Maybe the electricity in the crowd. Maybe the smell of Prop 19. I'm not sure. And I just want to thank you guys. You guys are etched in history. You guys started this in spring training. Had our backs from day one. I'd also like to thank the mayor for allowing me to try to take the reins. I don't think I'm up for that job. But I also have three words because I know a man who is. Where's the machine? He's a lunatic. I love... He's a lunatic. Is he a good player? He's a key player on that team. Amazing. And he can get away with that stuff. And he is phenomenal. Yeah. Phenomenal player. And crazy. He's a lunatic. He's so funny. I mean, it's funny. Even if you hate him, you've got to admit the guy's got something. You know what I mean? So we talked a little bit about it in the open, but...

38:53Randy Moss has a new team. It's the Tennessee Titans. And lights out Sean Merriman also has a new team, and it is the 0-7. Buffalo Bills, that's going to look weird to see him. But, you know, maybe he'll have a rebirth like LT's having up in New York right now. And then I want to get to this Kevin Garnett story. Okay. I'm going to break this down for you. There's a player. His name's Charlie Villanueva, and he plays for the Pistons. and he has a disease that's called alopecia universalis. What that is, it's a medical condition that results in hair loss. He does not have hair on his head. Okay. And so Kevin Garnett is playing against him, and they get into it a little bit, and he allegedly calls Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient. Oh. Okay? So Charlie Villanueva hears it, gets mad, goes on his Twitter, and says, hey, I'd like to get in the ring with Kevin Garnett. The guy's a punk. I'll whip him. And Garnett goes, well, no, no, no, no. I never said that. I said you are cancerous to your team and our league. So, all right.

39:53I don't want to point fingers, but put yourself in a game situation, right? So you bump me, and I go, cancer patient? Get off me. Or I'm going to go, you're a cancerist. Your team and this league. Yeah, right. I mean, so he's backpedaling like crazy. Doc Rivers is the coach of the Celtics, and Doc goes, well, you know what? I don't know what was said, but I don't like guys going to Twitter and crying about it. I know. It's a whole big thing. Not that that is a nice thing to say, but I'm pretty sure they say some pretty foul four-letter words to each other and all kinds of stuff. Don't you guys think some things are, you probably shouldn't go there? Yeah, that's probably a taboo. Don't we have to have a little bit of thick skin? Bring me a man in the NBA. Hey, listen, let me ask. If it's a white player and he's playing, he calls somebody the N-word. Is that, hey, listen, it's just a game? Yeah, just in the heat of battle. Just the heat of battle. You still have to be careful. There's certain things I think you just don't do. You don't say to someone.

40:48You look like a cancer patient. Yeah, just call him an MF-er. I mean, what's wrong with that? You talk about your mother and everything else, though. Yeah, exactly. I've been in sports before where the guy's, like, you know, talking in your ear the whole time and calling your mom names. Tell you they're going to, like, do things to you when it's over. So your mom is, you know. Yeah, but that's something that everyone deals with. This is something that's specific to him that you're kind of, like, rubbing. It's personal. What if someone was, like, to Steve Nash, like, nice hair, girl. Different. Well, first of all, I don't agree with. Getting personal. That's my take. Yeah. I don't like the getting personal thing. I don't mind jawing. Yeah. I think that, you know. A little healthy jawing. Healthy jawing. Because the guy's got a disease. Yeah. I guess that's different. Healthy jawing to me is alright. Because everybody knows. Maybe he didn't know. Everybody knows. Yeah, you can tell that he's got something wrong with him. And he goes, yeah, you look like a cancer patient. Terrible. He's like, no, actually I have something, you know. Called alopecia universalis. Yeah, but thanks for being. And here's the other deal. Live in the truth. I mean. If there's nothing wrong with it, the Celtics coach says, you shouldn't go on Twitter and cry about it. He's telling the truth. He's telling the truth. Hey, listen, if you didn't do anything wrong, there's nothing wrong with saying it. Right. It's one thing to be on Twitter and be like, I just can't believe that, you know, and you're doing a whole, I just can't believe the injustice that was just done to me on the court. It's another thing to go, hey, I want to let everybody know what,

42:17KG just said. And I'd like to get him in the ring. Yeah. I mean, he basically said, hey, the next time I see that guy, it's on. And KG's, like I said, backpedaling like crazy. See what happens with Twitter. What can you expect from a Celtic? I don't blame Twitter. I blame Kevin Garnett. Me too. Vincent Jackson is back at Charger practice, and the word around the campfire is that that guy is looking... real good out there they said that that dude made about a half dozen catches that no other charger is going to make um and what he's going to do is basically he's going to be on the scout team while he serves out the last i think he's got two games left and he's going to be this week in practice he's going to be andre johnson on the scout team so he's going to be running the plays that andre will run you know the texans all-star or all-pro wide receiver and he's going to be getting the guys ready for that game which is pretty rad norv is talking about how he looks cut three you know it's uh As much as you're around a guy and you see him every day and then he's not around for a while, I think you forget how good a guy can be. And he's awfully good. And, you know, he comes off the ball and runs up the field. And he's got a great presence about him. He is playing. He's got great confidence coming off what he's done over the last two or three years. Now I'm going to be honest with you. There's no chance in the world he'll ever play here, you know, again.

43:39But he's as good as a player can be. I just want to let you know, though, he'll never wear a lightning bolt on his helmet after this season. But anyway, that's just the way it goes, I guess. Is that it, buddy? That is Woods on Sports, my friend. My friend. Got to let you know a couple of things out there. First of all, George Bush. Is that me? No. Was that me? No. That was me. Was that you? Was that you? Sienna? Who's texting me right now? Who just texted you? Oh my gosh. Who is it? Todd. No. It's Todd. Is everything okay? No. This is actually one of Jenna's friends who just got a cell phone. Your stepdaughter. How old is she? Jenna's nine. This little girl is ten. I'm not kidding. She texts me all day long. That's weird. She's got a cell phone and she's doing the texting? She does. Who else is she gonna text you know that not that many other kids her age have a cell phone so she texts me. Do you like to know what it says? Yes. I'm listening right now. People do that to me and I'm like well I can't answer you. I know. I'm on the air. Cool. Thanks. Cool. Thank you. Can I tell you the best part about it though actually?

44:56You know how people have signatures at the end of their... This is actually sad. She's listening right now. Yeah, she's listening. Hi. We love you. I don't want to say her name. We like it. I know. You know how you can do a signature at the end of an email or a text and just put your name? You have Mike. Yeah. You do? She has. At the end of his email. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going to take that out. Yeah, please do. I'm like, I know it's from you, Mike. Thanks. Taking it off. Maybe you can do one like this because she has her name and then it says, taste the rainbow, dot, dot, dot, skittles. On her text? Taste the rainbow, dot, dot, dot, skittles. Wow. She's like an official spokesperson. But why? Why that? Why that? And every time she sends me a text, is Jenna busy today? Taste the rainbow, skittles. Aw, that's cute. Now, to a 10-year-old, is that humor? What is it? I don't know. I think it's hard-hitting. It's hard-hitting. It's like, taste the rainbow. Yeah, taste it. Suck it. I have a nephew. Suck the rainbow. Wow. I have a nephew that's 12, and you know what his signature is? He has a two? Uh-oh. Oh, gosh. Soulja Boy.

46:18Soulja Boy. My little nephew, Jake. He's 13 now. Just turned 13. Black kid? No, white kid. Skinny white guy. Little skinny white kid. Soulja Boy. Soulja. Oh, yeah. True player for real. Yeah, true player for real. Soulja Boy with the J. S-O-U-L-J-A-B-O-Y. Soulja Boy. Hi, Uncle Steven. How are you? Soldier Boy. Amazing. I don't get the signature, period. I don't either. On a text, I don't get it. And I'm going to throw him under the bus. Our friend, Josiah. Josiah, you got to call and tell me because I'm not even. It's something like. Does he have one? Oh, yeah. Email or text? It's text. Oh, gosh. And I think it uses the cash symbol for a letter. Oh, yeah. Kesha? Kesha? Yeah. Is it like Josiah, J-O, dollar sign? No. Okay. No. I can't remember. Josiah call. What is it? Or text me. And why? Yeah. A lot of my friends have it, and I'm like, are you just afraid that a lot of people have deleted your number from their phones? Right. So you have to give them the heads up who you are? Because I get that text, and I'm like, should we go later today?

47:40John, if it's someone that I don't normally text, I'll put my name there just so they know for sure. But if I were to text one of you guys, sorry, Mike, I would never. Why do I have, on my email, why do I have a signature that says Mike? It saves a little bit of time. A lot of people have, like when I was in business, but you don't have anything below it. A phone number or like a scripture or something? I used to have my first last name website underneath and I'm like, that way I don't have to type it out. I love the people who put their email address down below their signature. It's like, really? Because you sent me an email. Did you not think I know? Pretty sure I have this. Mine just says Mike. It just says Mike. Hello, Mike. Hello, Mike. Mike. I always feel pressure to put Lauren in mind when I answer you because I'm like, oh, we're going with formalities here. But Mike, don't you think the people that you don't email, you would need to say like Mikey Esparza or something so they know who it is? No, I think when they see the name in the sender, it's pretty clear. But his is weird. Yeah. He's a weird email. Yeah, but it still says it, right? There's absolutely no purpose. You know, there's no reason. For me to have Mike on there. In fact, half the time, I will take it off. Delete it, yeah. Yeah.

48:51Weird. Did we shave you? No, I'm just questioning, like, why do I have that there? It's so weird. It's probably easier to just delete it than figure out how to take it off altogether. Call us with the lamest ones that your friends have. Don't be scared, too. Don't be scared. They're going to be great. 570-1949. I want to hear how lame they are. And Josiah, don't not call me. No kidding. Because I will find it. Soldier Boy! This is the story of the wild, wild west. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. So today was supposed to be the day that I was going to Haiti. I was supposed to go tonight. Yes. Can't go. Hurricane. Can't go because of Hurricane Tomas. You just call it Thomas. Thomas. You just call it Thomas. It isn't, though. It's Tomas. It's Tomas. Such a bully, that Tomas. Yeah, well, I was kind of irritated at Tomas because Tomas is not a hurricane right now. Tomas is like a tropical depression. Oh, it did some damage in the Caribbean, I saw. It did, but it weakened.

50:51They say it's going to pick up some steam as it's moving across the Atlantic and everything, but just, you know, upset me. It's a bummer. Those poor people that are living in tents over there that are just going to get bombarded. Yeah. Port-au-Prince is where all the tents are, and it is. You know, they're already dealing with cholera. The cholera comes from the water. They don't have a good water source, and so with that thing moving through, it's going to be even worse. Now, I was going there with an organization called Outside the Bowl. and you can go to their website, outsidethebowl.org, and get tickets to the Cutlass concert, which I'm going to be at. And it's going to be a really cool concert. I don't know that they have any VIP tickets left, but I know they still have the general admission $25 tickets, and all the money is going to go to Outside the Bowl, and you talk about them needing it. They need it now, especially with what's going on there. Tomas is supposed to touch down tomorrow. So were we, we were supposed to touchdown tomorrow and I was all mentally prepared. I got my shots and I was, you know, in this headspace of like, okay, we're doing this. We're doing this. We're doing this. We're doing this. And then got the call. Hey, we're not going. You're going to December though, right? Supposed to go in December. And it just is so, it was a deal where I was like, okay.

52:17It's five weeks away. It's four weeks away. It's three weeks away. It's two days away. And then... Preparing yourself. Yeah. And now we're not going. That's tough. So, anyway, 570-1949 is our number. We're talking about signatures on your text that are funny. M1 Serena, are you there? Yes. What is your funny signature? Okay, so my little sister, she's... She's in high school. She changes hers bi-weekly. This week, it's Ooga Booga. Last week, it was Lime Popsicles. What? Oftentimes, it's signed saying who she loves that week. I love Maddie with every single symbol you can hit in your text box. I do, too. I love Maddie. They do that with their friends, though. I love that person. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it was like, it's different candies. It's different boys. It's different friends. I am so out of touch with what it's like to be a kid. I'm going to start doing that to all of you guys, by the way. From now on. Ooga booga. Ooga booga. Lime popsicles. Yeah. So just put things that you like. I have a new text signature. What is it?

53:35Rainbow biscuits. Yeah, rainbow biscuits. What about Santa baby? Santa baby would be good too. That would be a pretty good tag. That would be stupid. Why would you do that? Why would it be stupid? Santa honey. That's going to be mine. All right, what about Santa honey? Santa dot dot dot honey. What about Santa cutie? No. Santa cutie. What about I can trim your Christmas tree? Stop it wood. Oh, my God. Lauren likes to sing these to boyfriends. Yes. Lauren sang that to her boyfriend in the bathroom and recorded it. Yep. For Christmas. Gave it to him. Private little message. Emailed it. He was out of town. Oh, my gosh. Every time we do it, she's mortified all over again. It never gets any easier. Oh, my gosh. Here we go. Oh, my gosh. Not even Christmas. Just sitting there. Just wait for Christmas. Just sitting there Indian style by the toilet. No. I was standing up. Biting off the fingertips of the gloves. I was standing up so I could open up my diaphragm, okay? Hey, I don't need to know about your form of birth control. I don't want to know about that. Family show. Please. Please. Gross. Gross. Gross.

54:59Fantastic. M1 Joey's a girl from Chula Vista. Hi, Joey. Hi. How are you? I'm tired. It's too early right now. What does your sister's signature say? She writes in German, I love you. And she changes the guy's name also, like, every week. I think it's a teenage thing. But also, too, when Twilight was huge, she would write... Team Jacob. Team Edward. And she was chasing you from side to side until one day I just blocked her number and I said, no more, please, no more. Wow. I don't blame you. What can be my stance in this world? Kombucha. Yeah. Put kombucha. M1, John from San Diego. Hey, how's it going, guys? Good. I really love the show. I wake up every morning and listen to you guys every morning. Love it. Oh, thank you, bro. Thank you very much. Yeah. Make new M1s, please. Absolutely. What does yours say? So, I work with middle schoolers. My actual signature is Mr. Dodgeball. I work with middle schoolers. Mr. Dodgeball. That's one. Mr. Dodgeball, but I have a kid. There's one kid. It's a little boy. We're real close, and he texts me all the time if he's going to be running late and things of that sort because I have to pick up middle schoolers' situation.

56:22Oh, my God. Like from Jersey Shore? Of course from Jersey Shore. No. The situation. The situation. And I was like, dude, change that signature. Change it now. You think the culture has any effect on kids? Can I ask you why, as a teacher, why do you need a signature? You don't. It's just fun. Really, when it comes down to it, it's just for fun. And, you know, like I said, I work with kids, so we play dodgeball a lot. A lot of the kids call me Mr. Dodgeball. But do they all do it? Everybody has a signature? It's like a way to be funny and clever. Why wouldn't you have one? Think about if we were kids. Knowing us, we'd all have bits. What do you text to your middle school kids about? He picks them up, he said. I pick them up and I take them to another site. So they'll text me to let me know if they're going to be running late. Got it. That sort. Got it. You know what it's like, the equivalent of? What? Remember when you used to have an answering machine? You're like, what song am I going to leave as my outgoing? Imagine having your teacher's phone number. That's some serious prank calls. Yeah, I never had my teacher's numbers. No way. Me neither. Yeah, because I would prank call them. Of course. You get prank calls? No, they text me on the weekends, though. One of the kids who texted me was doing Charger games because he's a big-time Charger fan. Oh, man. I was doing Charger games.

57:41So I do get texts from them even when I'm not at work, which is no problem as long as they're not texting me at any weird times. I don't mind. Right. I guess you can't really prank call, though, because he'll see the number. Yeah. I know all their numbers, and they have their names, and plus they have their signatures. Their signatures, yeah. There's a soldier boy on it. Soldier boy. Soldier boy. Thank you. Thank you for the call. That's so great. That's hilarious. Wow, what a... What would your signature be, Mike? It'd be Soulja Boy. Has to say something about you. Cinco de Maiko. Cinco de Maiko. Mine would just say the kid. Mine would probably have like two Ds or something. I love, you know who's got great signatures is my friend Crush It. Brad's got great signatures because he's got the iPad and it'll be like Brad's pad or it's always something like that. I love it. I wish I had a name that I could rhyme with my device. I don't. Okay, well. Mike's bike. Mike's bike, but that would entail you riding a bike. Right. Mike's. Well, for me it would be Mike's chimichanga because it would be whatever I use the most. Whatever I use the most. 5701949.

58:53is our number, and you can text us. That's 949mikey at gmail.com. If you want to make a difference, go to bedifferentpack.com. That's where I, it's the thing I started with this black bracelet, and it's a thing to remind you to be decent. Now, a lot of people will be like, what do I need a reminder to be decent? You do, trust me. Yeah, I do. I do. We all do. Y'all need a reminder to be decent. And that's what it is. I'm going to try to get the biggest stars in the world to wear it, like Charo. Charo's a huge star. Yeah. Abe Vigoda. Yep, huge star. Betty White. Betty White. Betty White would be huge. Yeah. Vicky Lawrence. Yeah. From Mama's Family. So far the only name I've known is Betty White. Yeah, me too. I'm like, sure. Me, I guess, and every guy over 40 is in on that. Let's see. Okay, so speaking of Matt Lauer, Matt Lauer has a show coming out, and he's going to interview President Bush. Doesn't he already have a show? Yeah, he's got a special coming out. Oh, a special. Where he interviews the former President Bush. And kind of interesting, the stuff that they're going to say.

1:00:16Listen to this. George W. Bush still holding a grudge against Kanye West? I didn't appreciate it then. I don't appreciate it now. Believe it. The former president on Matt Lauer reports revealing he was and still is upset about critical remarks Kanye made after Hurricane Katrina. George Bush doesn't care about black people. Call me a racist. I resent it. It's not true. And it was one of the most disgusting moments of my presidency. Wow. Wow. Wow. I think it's pretty gnarly for somebody to call you racist. Yeah. But you know what? Kanye responded to it on the radio, and I was actually really surprised by what he had to say about that. I definitely can understand the way he feels to be accused of being a racist in any way, because the same thing happened to me, you know, where I got accused of being a racist. And with his, it was a lack of, with both situations, it was basically a lack of... compassion that america saw in that situation you know with him it was a lack of compassion with him that rushing you know him not taking the time to to rush down to new orleans uh... with me it was a lack of compassion of you know cutting someone off in their in their moment but nonetheless you know i think we're all

1:01:37to pull like a race card in America. And now I'm more open and the poetic justice that I feel to have went through the same thing that he went. And now I really more connect with him on a humanitarian level because that next morning, the next morning when he felt that, I felt that same thing too. Kind of nice to hear Kanye saying, hey, listen, I appreciate where he's coming from now. Sure. Walk the mile. That kind of thing. I wonder who called Kanye a racist? White people? Yeah, people probably when he did his thing with Taylor Swift. People probably said, you're a racist, you know? Yeah. And he had an answer to it. It wasn't racist. It was just jerkist. Stupidist. It was stupidist. Dumbest. Dumbest. More honest. You guys have any invention ideas? Yes. Who doesn't? That was the fastest yes. Doesn't everyone? I do. I've had some, but I think they've gotten taken already. I had some, and they got taken as well. Lauren's like, the television. No, the key locator. The key locator? Yeah. How did you want it to work? I wanted there to be like a base right in your little garage or wherever it is that you put your mail down, your keys down and stuff. That would be where the base was, and if you ever lost your keys, you hit the button, and they go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's a great idea. It's a great idea. They have it.

1:03:03Now. Yeah. Are we really talking about this? Yeah, tell me. I don't know if I want to share it. Write it down. I'll tell you if it's good. Or you want to tell me. Of course it's good. No, she doesn't want anybody to steal it. Oh gosh, oh gosh. She doesn't want anybody to steal it. Could someone steal it if I talk about it? Yes. No. But even if it's... Wait, wait, wait. But we're on the air. What if I have like audio of me talking about it? It's true. There you go. You're good. Are you sure? Yeah. Mike. Yeah. This could take millions of dollars from me. Why haven't you done it yet? Because it just came to me and my stepdaughter Jenna. It's a new thing that we've come up with. You better get a patent on it. I'll tell you mine, and mine is good, I think. Not as good as mine. If you stay home from work or from school and you watch Divorce Court, stuff like that, there's always those commercials that's like, have an invention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. I don't know if they should start watching Divorce Court. I wouldn't trust them. Real quick, M1 Corb from OB, what was the word of the day? International week, too. It was chimichanga. Well done. It is international week. Wow. On international week, we were able to do that. Guess what you won, bro.

1:04:15Tell me the good news, brother. Four packet tickets to Legoland, and we're going to work you out at the Boot Camp Performance Center in Carmel Mountain. All of it's worth $258. Congratulations. Thank you. Hang on the line. Tell me your invention. Okay. Well, this is something that I've recently discovered because I'm a new parent to a baby. And any parent, I think, will be like, brilliant. So I'm walking stage a couple weeks ago with Jenna, my nine-year-old stepdaughter. Yeah. And when you have a new baby, a lot of times, even when you're walking in a stroller, you walk them to try to calm them down. Or when you're on a walk and you're far from your house, they're hungry, they want to eat. And you can't feed a baby while you're walking unless you like find a bench and sit down somewhere. Right. So I think to myself, gosh, Jenna, don't you wish that there was something we could use to feed her and still walk at the same time? And she was like, well, why don't we just do this? They should make this. And this was actually Jenna's idea. What is it?

1:05:14Have like a binky, a pacifier in the baby's mouth. But have like a little bubble in there with a tube coming out of the binky that connects to a bottle on the stroller. So there's a bottle with milk on the stroller. And the tube like goes and connects to the binky, the pacifier. So every time they suck, they're getting some milk. And you don't have to hold the bottle. In. All the way in. Why does that not exist? It should. I have an issue. Oh. Let me ask. Okay. All right. I've already solved it, I'm sure. You probably already solved it. But when you're feeding the baby, if the baby starts to like choke with the milk, you see it. Yeah. And you take the bottle out. Yeah, but they can control. You're forcing like the, when we hold a bottle, we're holding it. So it's facing down. So it's no matter what, milk is going in their mouth. They're controlling it and nothing is being sucked down. So if they stop sucking on it, it will stop. It's a camelback for babies. Exactly. So you're walking, baby's hungry, pop the binky in and they can feed themselves hands free. You're walking, getting exercise because that's one thing that keeps me from walking. How do you clean it? Just like you clean a camelback. I don't have a camelback. I do.

1:06:23But just a bottle cleaner, you know, just get in there with a little. Yeah. Run water through it and hang it upside down. Run water through the tube, right? Yep. Yeah. A nine-year-old thought of that, by the way. A nine-year-old. Yeah. Because I suggested that they should have something like that. And she was like, well, why don't they do this? And I was like, I stopped and said, that is freaking brilliant. That's brilliant. Yeah. And the bottle can, like, holding the milk could be, like, up. by the baby's head kind of off to the side so it's easy to flow. How about if the bottle could be a normal bottle? You could use it both ways so it's like multi-purpose. Exactly. It's the holder that would be angled on top to put the bottle. Isn't that great? Ooh, good. Like it. Mm-hmm. Okay, no one steal my idea. I'll choke slam you. See, all great ideas, though, we never do anything about. I think I need to do something about this because I'm really passionate. Yeah. My husband is a plastics engineer. He's an engineer, yeah. He should be able to build it. Why would you build it? I've told him. What did he say? He needs to get the prototype up and going. He'll do it. He'll do it. There's a lot going on. We've got a new baby. I tell you, though, I invented something. What? I put tons of them out there. Really? But people rip you off. I mean, they just change your design just minutely. What did you invent? The prize cannon or the t-shirt cannons that you see. Oh, yeah. That's mine. No way. What do you mean? The t-shirt cannons you see at sports games.

1:07:39Gosh, back when I was working at a radio station in Texas, I was like, gosh, I would love to be able to throw koozies or shirts just before the first part of the people in the crowd. So I went home, got some PVC, started working on it, hooked it up, and I built one. How did it work? Oh, it's compressed air. It had a valve at first. You just do the valve, and it was clumsy. It was bulky. So I went to this welder that I know, and we had him sign all these agreements that he wouldn't do anything. Started selling them. Boy, next thing I know, I'm selling $10,000. They were $5,000 each. I'm selling $10,000. I'm selling $20,000. I'm just selling everywhere. Wow. Nike comes to me. They bought five of them from me. What? And I was looking at doing the patent, but even the patent lawyers, there was like $30,000 to do a patent on it. It just was not worth it. Holy cow. Man. So eventually, other people start coming into the market, and now you see them. They're insane. They've got Gatling Gun t-shirts where the t-shirts go out. Oh, my gosh. That was mine. Jay invented. Jay invented the t-shirt cannon. That's fantastic. He's a mad scientist. That's insane. And he sold them for five grand a piece. Yes. Where's all that money? He's stingy now. I'm smart. Where's all that money? In his house, probably. I own a house. I have savings. Savings is something in the woods where you put your money away. How do you do that?

1:08:56It's great. What does that mean? All right, can I tell you about my invention idea? Yes. I love this. Wow. So I, okay. He said I'll love you till I die. We're going to take a quick time out. Oh, wow. And when we come back, I'll tell you about my invention. And you call, if you have an invention idea and you don't mind giving it out. Call us. 570-1949. I want to hear. Or if you've invented something. Or yeah, if you have invented something and it's on the market now. Call us. Like a t-shirt, can't it? 570-1949. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, you may see on the cover of the Union Tribune this morning, the Westfield Group proposed yesterday that they were going to demolish one of the big department stores at the Horton Plaza downtown, which is the... JW Robinson's department store. And instead, they want to add a little community park area where you could sit and rest. So that may be happening downtown. Really? Right. Why are you laughing, Mike? Well, you know, that's fine. Walk your dogs. Because I just closed down a store. Is it empty? It's just a big building. I think there's numerous stores in there now. It used to be that store, JW Robinson's. And now I think I never go to Horton Plaza. But I don't know.

1:10:38People that are down there are mad because there's no parks, no place to walk their dogs, so they may do that. Also, Mike, you're going to be really excited about this. Just kidding. Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block announced. They just announced that they are going to be going on tour. It's confirmed 2011 summer tour. Must miss. Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block. How many boyfriends are going to get dragged to that? That was my first concert ever. It's fantastic. Gorgeous. You didn't go to the new kids. I don't have new kids on my iTunes. Step by step. I don't. I have Backstreet Boys. Mikey, God. Come on. Hello, Miss Lady. What's going on in sports? Oh, man. Ernie Sims, who's the Eagles linebacker.

1:11:37was fined $50,000 for striking a defenseless receiver against the Titans on October 24th. 50K. That's ridiculous. Yeah, for playing football. I'm sure that guy doesn't make a ton. And then last night, Paul Pierce became the third Celtics player, joining Larry Bird and John Havlicek as the third Celtics player with 20,000 career points, all with the same team. So that's pretty rad. I can't believe I just did sports with the Backstreet Boys. It's my background. Really? The heart wants what the heart wants. True. I understand that some people, they can't wrap their mind around the fact... I can't enjoy it because... It's the Backstreet Boys. I get it. No, you can't enjoy it because it sounds like garbage. No, it doesn't sound like garbage. And it's five dudes moving in unison, singing different harmonies. That's why you can't enjoy it. That's not true. That's exactly true. In white suits. No. You like stuff, and then I'll be like, oh yeah, they're called the Gay Pickles. And you'll be like, oh, that's dumb now. The Gay Pickles. It happens all the time. It's a good band name.

1:12:55The gay pickles. I cannot believe how many calls we are getting about Sienna's invention. I heard. M1 Bailey from Chula Vista. Hi. So, what is, well, first we'll take your invention, and then we'll hear the bad news. What's your invention? Okay, my invention, because I'm a nanny, so sometimes I can have up to four to five babies at a time. Wow. And so I had this idea for a stroller because I had a hard time getting them all to the park. So I had four babies at once. So the oldest one would sit on the front. I have two inside. And then I would have one up on top with me, and I would wrap my arm around them and push them, all four of them.

1:13:46So I went to invent a double-decker stroller. Genius. Wow. I was just thinking of that when she started talking about it. That's rad. You don't need it. They already have one for four babies. We have it. It's called the caboose. It's double-decker? It's not double-decker. It holds four kids. Wow. All in a line? All in a line. Yeah, and the oldest kid, Jake, stands on the back, and he's the caboose. So Rebecca will push Luke, Ryan, you, and Jake all at the same time. Mikey's chair has to recline. That's right. M1, Alexis has the bad news from National City for Sienna's baby bottle idea. Sienna, it's a bottle. That sits up on top of the stroller. Yep. And then the little tube goes down to a pacifier that the kid will feed the kid. What's the deal, Alexis? Yeah, it's a really great idea, but unfortunately it already exists. Oh. Yeah. I'm so sad.

1:14:46Well, at least it was a good idea then. I think it's been around for about six years. Okay, okay, okay. I've gone to Babies R Us. I've gone to all of these stores. I've never seen it. Where do you get it? Well, that's the thing. I can't find it anywhere either. I was pregnant with twins, and I used to watch that TLC baby story every day. Oh, I love that show. Oh, I did too. I love that. What? Just gave me a hard time for the Backstreet Boys. Just kidding. Are you? I think it's called a baby back. Yeah, this lady had a triplet, and she had it, and I thought that was the best idea ever. Gosh, it's so brilliant. Every time I'd go to, like, Babies R Us, I could never find it, so. Hey, thank you. Someone actually sent me a link, and it's called, even the name is brilliant. The name is brilliant. The Passive Feeder. I like it. So great. I'm so jealous of that person right now that invented it. Well, now you know what to get people when they have baby showers. There you go. M1 Herald's wife. Hi, Mikey. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. It's not really a great invention, but it's more of a product. You know how little girls like perfume? Well, sometimes you don't really want them smiling like roses or anything. So I wanted to invent little perfume.

1:16:00That smelled like your favorite sugary cereals like Trix and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. All the way out. Cookie Crisp. And like the shape of the perfume could be a little like mini cereal box. You know, because you don't want them to smell like this. If Sage smelled like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I would hug her all day long. You'd be licking her though. That's so weird. Oh, you smell so good. That's great. Kids would dig it. I would dig it. I would spray Cookie Crisp perfume in my mouth. It wouldn't taste like it. Hey, thanks, Harold's wife. We appreciate it. I said to Woods the other day, speaking of rose perfume. We did talk about that. I did. I said to, because we walked into Subway. And when we walked in, somebody was walking out and they were wearing this perfume that smelled like roses. And I said to Woods, I go, okay, clearly old lady perfume. Yes. And Woods goes, yeah. And I go, okay, so this is what I want to know. Colognes and perfumes, they're generational. Yeah. Old ladies wear the rose perfume. Uh-huh. Okay. Perfumes that are out now, they're sexy. Yeah. The whole purpose of them is that they smell nice and it's like attractive. I'm like, I'm trying to wrap my head.

1:17:20Around the dudes of the time that were like, I got to get me some of that. She smells like roses. And I am so horny right now because I have the sexiest smell. I think it was just to smell feminine. They didn't have deodorant and stuff like that. Didn't women wear perfume because they wanted to be feminine? They wanted to be feminine and sexy, but I think the alternative was B.O. How did a guy back in the day, how did he smell a girl? How did he make out with a girl necking in the 50s and be like, I think you just, you don't, there's nothing to compare it to. You don't know anything else. So is that why you will wear fragrances? Because you're trying to attract people?

1:18:15Yeah, so I'm trying to attract you. Oh, it's working. I think that's why. No, I wear fragrances. Yeah, I wear fragrances because I like to smell sexy. I don't do it because they smell sexy. I do it because they smell nice. Yeah, I do too. But it just so happens that they also smell sexy, and that's good. I don't think mine smells sexy. Mine smells sexy. Yeah, mine smells sexy. I like to have a signature scent, you know, that people will smell and be like, oh, it smells sexy. Yeah, but mine's not sexy. It smells good, and it doesn't really smell. Like, when I smell a guy's cologne, I don't usually go, oh, wow, you smell really great. You know what I mean? I do. But you're a girl. But a girl does. This morning, I smelled Sienna, and I go, ooh, that's good. What is that? And she goes, I've told you a million times, Michael Kors, it smells like sexy. It's a sexy smell. Now, that doesn't mean that I'm trying to jump all over Sienna, but it does mean that Sienna smells sexy. Okay. For sure. And I think that that's what colognes are about. Are you smelling me? I want to get a taste. Oh, I don't. Oh, it smells good. Whoa. Oh, mamacita. Right? It does? Yeah. See, I always wonder because I've worn it since I was in high school and I'm like, am I outgrowing this smell? And Lauren, you have this one and it smells really good too. And I don't really smell it. Maybe I'm used to it.

1:19:33But you have this one that smells super good. Yeah. And if you have the right perfume or cologne, and that's what I said, roses? Roses. Roses. How about pine? Some roses. I like some roses smells, though. Not all are bad. Some are overwhelming, which is the old lady does a little too much. There is no roses. No. It doesn't smell good to me. Speaking of L.O.B., she bought... A leather purse. What? Hey, listen. I can say leather anything. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, right? What? The last one was made out of what?

1:20:16I usually do like the faux leather, which I don't know. It's probably nylon or vinyl. I don't even know what it is. But they always fall apart. Yeah, they come like shredded. Yeah, leather works real good. Leather's real good. But then I'll use usually like cloth. Like my other one's made out of recycled kimonos. Yes, true. Love it. Truly. True story. Fabric. But then it starts to just get all, like, icky, and if you wash it, I washed my recycled kimono purse, and it just kind of lost its shape. Woods has a question. He's got his hands up. I have a question. Walk me through the mental process for you. Because here's what I'm not picturing. Lauren walking into the store going, oh, that's nice. I'm going to grab that, and there's my credit card. No way. How long? I was in the store for like three hours yesterday. Yep, I knew it. I knew it. Okay, that's not the only thing I bought. I literally was in the store for three hours. I'm like, what am I doing in here? I was in the purse aisle probably like 45 minutes. I kept putting them on my shoulder and then, I can't, I can't, putting it back. In case you're new listening to the show, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren is very healthy. She eats real healthy food and she's

1:21:31A big believer in like recycling. Environmentally conscious. Environmentally very conscious. Yeah. Doesn't eat beef. We're all smelling her leather purse right now. I know. It smells good. Doesn't eat beef. It's intoxicating. Oh, yeah. It's intoxicating like a nice steak. I bet the cow loved it as well. Baseball. Okay. I know. This is what I told myself. I was like, they probably, somebody else enjoyed the meat and this was just the leftover stuff. Sure. Absolutely. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Kim says the same thing. She's like, oh, there was a car, you know, I want leather seats. I'm like, no way. You don't do leather seats either? She does in her car. I just was like, no way. Why don't you pretend that that poor cow, you know, got hit by a tractor? That's what she says. That's what she says. Well, it was an old cow and it died. Yeah. There are some things that I have of leather, but I don't go my way to buy it. I didn't go out of my way. In fact, I usually go out of my way to not purchase things like that. She does. Did you shame yourself all day? Oh, my God. I'm still shamed about it. It smells real good, though. Oh, it smells real good. I was standing in the aisle looking in the mirror being like, oh, that just looks really nice, but I also look like a murderer. A murderer? Does anyone think that when they see that person? I don't think so. No. That's what I felt. A little bit.

1:22:51And I have all these like strong convictions like Matt was even like you won't even shop at this restaurant because you because they use styrofoam So I guess it's, can we just talk? Wait, wait, wait, wait. She looks like a tomato. She looks like a Coke can. She looks like a Coke can. I'm going to take this cat. I'm going to put it back in the bag. No, no, no, you're not. Matt said what? What did Matt say? It was a couple months ago. No, it was yesterday. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. What did Matt Commerce say? Oh, great. Was that Matt that she said? What was it? Sorry, Lauren. I'm going to take my jacket off. Holy cow. If you don't know why we're freaking out right now, if you don't know why we're freaking out right now, L-O-B, Lauren O'Brien,

1:24:16First of all, you need to know, very private person. Very private person. Yes. Very private person. I don't even have her phone number. Yes. That's how private she is. I've worked with her for nine months. Jeez, stop it. I've never talked to her outside of this room. Absolutely not. Get out of here. She's very private. And she revealed on the air a couple of months ago, which was a big deal for her, that she broke up with her BFMC. That's for boyfriend Matt Commerce. Her boyfriend Matt Commerce. Yeah. Oh, boy. She was an emotional day. It was. I cried. She cried. We were upset. Iowa had a little tear. Sienna had a little tear. I know. It took me a month to talk about it. It was very emotional. And then we went through what we will call the black months. Yeah. What is that? Why, Mike? Because they were very dark? Because they were very dark. No, no, no. Oh, that's not why. No, no. It's also not because we were making a profit. Right. We were in the black. We were in the black. That's not why. Got it. It was because she liked black guys. Yeah. 70 and L-O-B. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. And, well, then.

1:25:35She very, very, very carefully told us. Surgically almost. Surgically almost. It was more like surgically, yes. One by one. And even though she tried to do it in the most delicate of ways. You did do one by one, didn't you? One by one. She tells each of us one by one. Yes. All I can tell you is that when she told each one of us our jaws. We stretched our jaws open. Then Matt and I started talking again? Yes. That you guys started talking again. And by the way, how long ago was it? I don't know. Three weeks maybe? And we've not been able to talk about it. Yeah, I've been sitting on this. Well, my sister just found out last week. My mom, my brothers. Most of my friends don't even know. They don't know. No. Does Matt know you? Does Matt know? Yeah, Matt know. I just don't want the whole. And we've driven her crazy because we keep referring to him as her BFMC. Yeah, it's her boyfriend. It's one of the funniest bits ever is when Lauren will walk in in the morning. I'll be like, it will be the only ones here. Sienna will be here reading her news. I'll be like, so what did you do last night? She's like, oh, nothing. Just watched a movie. I'm like.

1:26:49Did your BFMC like you in the movie? And the other one is to work it in when it doesn't even have anything to do with it. She'll be like, yeah, I got some pasta yesterday. And we'll be like, oh, are you making dinner for your BFMC? What does your boyfriend, Matt Commerce, think about that? Yeah, yeah. She'll mention a song that she likes. And we're like, yeah, what does your BFMC think about that? Does BFMC like it? Oh, boy. What can I say? The heart wants. What the heart? What the heart. That's right. Oh, boy. So, yeah, I mean, there's no official announcement or anything. We're not together. Are you? Yeah, right. We're together in the sense that we are... We are boyfriend and girlfriend. We're like... Boyfriend and girlfriend, but that's really it. They have gone to a wedding with me last weekend. Oh, my gosh. Where I am together. That's your boyfriend. That's together. You don't go to a wedding together. Unless it's your boyfriend. Earlier in the night, I said my sort of kind of, I guess you could call him maybe my boyfriend. And that's how I introduced him to somebody. What? And by the end of the night, I was like, yeah, it's my boyfriend. It's my boyfriend. My BFMC. I like that laugh.

1:28:08She's unbelievable. Congratulations. We wish you nothing but the best. Congratulations to you too. Stop. Get some. I have a special dedication that I want to send out to you guys. Oh boy. Just one of those moments. This song is going out to L.O.B. and her B.F.M.C. It's not my B.F.M.C. You just said it was. It's your boyfriend, Matt Conner. I mean, I called him that. I mean, he's my boyfriend. I mean, he's my boyfriend, but it's not like he's my boyfriend. I'm just dipping my toe in the water. Right now, I'm probably about waist high. I'm not diving in just yet. Do you guys hang out every day? No. No, we don't. What would he call you? His girlfriend. His girlfriend. The love of his life. His love muffin. Boyfriend, girlfriend. Rainbow biscuits or rainbow biscuits. Yeah, just call me babe. My B-F-L-O-B. Yeah, B-F-L-O-B. My B-F-L-O-B. G-F-L-O-B. Yeah, my boyfriend. G-F-L-O-B. G-F-L-O-B. His sweetie. My G-F-L-O-B.

1:29:23Micah Flop. It's Micah Flop. I know. Now I'm going to get like the... What? What are you doing? Why didn't you tell me? What's your problem? You just have to remember that you two are the only two in that relationship. I know. LLB, you are a 29, almost 30-year-old woman. An independent woman. Sure. And you got to do... What makes you happy. And you know what? If people don't like it, you know what I tell them? Yeah. GIT. And you know what? If a bottle of wine makes you text someone in a moment of vulnerability, then so be it. Is that how it happened? Yes. I actually have a song that sums it up, Sienna. I was wondering, how did it even start back up? It's not Taylor Swift, is it? No, it's not Taylor Swift. Thank goodness. But if you have it. Maybe you let me find one. I actually have one. She said it was the reason she wrote him. No, it was not necessarily. Wait, okay. So it was late at night, you had wine, and you texted him? That's how it happens. What did you text him? Yeah, what were the words? Hi, dot, dot, dot. Are you kidding? Oh, my gosh. You know Rebecca did that exact thing? Yeah. Same thing. Well, you want to hear the funniest part about it? Mm-hmm. So I was like, no, what do you think you're doing? Stop it. Don't do it. And I'd be like, but.

1:30:39Hey, bub, what's he here for me? And so I was like, I had taken his number out of my phone and almost forgotten it. Like a crack addict. Yeah. So I had to manually put the number in and I was like, is that really it? So I put the number in Google. Oh my. Oh my gosh. I put the number in Google to see if anything came up. And I was like, oh yeah, that's it. There was like a service that he was listed on as a musician that like had his number attached to it and it came up when I Google searched. What's the song? 13. 13? High dot dot dot. That's like totally like I'm reaching out but now the ball's in your court. It's dead on. How did he respond? Next morning. What did he say? So you were able to fall asleep? I would have been lying there. Why did I do that? That's one way to put it. It was really late. I was a little tipsy. Like what time was it? 12.30? A quarter after one, maybe? Yeah? No, and then... Oh, God, I don't want to throw him under the bus. Too late. What did he say? What did he say? Maybe he let us know what he said. What did he say? He was at his wife's house. No, he said he got weak in the knees when he saw my tag. Yeah! Of course he did. While I whipped this house. Oh, that's phenomenal.

1:32:04This one's going out to you and your BFMC. This one is for... I love you, Matt. This one is for Lauren O'Brien. Cute couple. What is this? Oh, it's so sweet. That is so sweet. This is it. This is your new song. We have a song about breaking up. What is it? My gosh. Oh, it's so sweet. Well, Matt, I'm glad you're back in the family, pal. We missed you. I'll give you a man hug when I see you. Don't man hug him just yet. It's too late. He's still earning his stripes. Maybe buy some flowers. What? I saw him. I lent him the notebook. I got the inside scoop here, Maddie. Maybe some flowers, pal. Maybe a diamond. Oh my gosh! No, no, don't. If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.

1:33:28You know, Mike, if you get milk for free, you don't really want to go buy a cow, do you? You know what? That cow was for sale about six months ago. Now this cow has got a really high interest rate. Nice udders. Creep. Creep. Oh, that was funny. Creep. If you'd like to discuss this further. 570-1949 is our number. Maybe BFMC calls me. Yeah. Come say hi. We miss you. We miss you. We miss you, Maddie. You got the number. Yeah, call in, buddy. Let's talk. Oh, my God, Mike. Let's call. Let's talk. You know the song, Woods. Oh, yeah. Love it. Chi-Town. I'm Mikey. Hi, Mikey. That is Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay Bird. And Scratch. We're going to be reading you a pretty crazy email here in just a minute about a dad that has tickets to the Denver game, 50-yard line tickets that he was given. Problem is that these tickets came after his two-year-old kid's birthday party had been planned, his wife's upset.

1:35:25And we have disagreement already in the studio over this. Weird. Yeah. So we'll talk about it. But first. Don't get out of your car, people. Do not get out of your car. Do not change the station. Well, if you were not. In fact, turn it up. Turn it up. Call a friend. If you were not listening. If you weren't listening, we were just talking to Lauren because she accidentally let a cat out of a bag. Sure, a big cat out of a little tiny bag. That's right. A slip of the tongue. Yeah. Real good. Yeah, big cat in a little bag. I guess it was bound to happen. Yeah. She revealed accidentally that she's back together with her BFMC. Boyfriend Matt Commerce. You used the term loosely. I don't think so. We knew here, but she didn't want to say on the air. Because I didn't want to get bombarded with, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then Woods said, why don't you call in, Matt? And everybody was like, yeah, call in. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.

1:36:40And I was like, yeah, I'd like to talk to good old Matt. Oh, Mikey, the big brother. The big brother. Here's BFMC now. Hi, boyfriend Matt Commerce. How are you? Love you. So, Matt, let me ask. How would you describe the relationship? Oh, wow. Right out of the gate, kid. Take a deep breath. I know people must ask you because they ask her, and she doesn't know what to say. She's like, well, you know, you know, you know. Yeah, it's kind of like a little bit quieter for me, but yeah, no, the people closest in my life know, yeah. I would say that we're BFGF. Boyfriend, girlfriend. That was very high school of you. Well, listen, when you're going to weddings and stuff together, I would say that BFGF is probably a good way to describe it. You can bring a date to a wedding. Listen, I told my wife. Not an ex. Not an ex. I told my wife that you guys went to a wedding together, and she goes, oh, they're together. They're together, yeah. Mine too, by the way. Yeah. And I go, well, of course they are. And she goes, well.

1:38:01Why is she denying it? And I go, babe, ask her. It's Lauren. You know why? It's Lauren. Because it's Lauren O'Brien. And she goes, you can't go to a wedding with a guy and say you're not boyfriend and girlfriend. We're just, you know, we're leaving the emergency brake on while we drive. You are. He's not. You're his girlfriend. He's all the way in. Is your emergency brake on, Matt? You know, to a degree, but I think, you know. With every day, we're loosening the brakes. Good. And you're forsaking all others? Oh, yeah, definitely. Good. So I have a group of questions that I've written down during the break here. Careful, Matt. Just take a deep breath, put your seatbelt on real quick. Hang up, hang up. It's going to be okay. Just know that we all love you. So my first question for you, Mr. Commerce, and I remind you that you're under oath. He's laughing, but he's terrified. I feel like this exact conversation is coming with her parents. Listen, I want you to think of me as a combination of parent and brother. Oh, boy. That's not a good combination. No. But I think that, you know, these are the hard-hitting questions that people want to know. I think people want to know...

1:39:25What's different? Well, people probably don't know, first of all, why they broke up, right? Should we say that first? Well, you know, I think that Lauren is, you know, at that age. She's at that age, you know? And when you get to that age and you've been with somebody for a while, you're kind of like, hey, where is this going? We reached an impasse. Yeah, you reached an impasse. And it kind of came, it coincided with our lease being up. And when, you know. When BFMC was kind of put up against the wall, he was like, listen, I'm not ready for that. Which is fair. It's very fair. Very fair. What's changed? There's been a lot of changes with me. I don't know. I think we could do a whole show on it. I really don't have anywhere to be. I'm going to kick back. I'm going to throw a dip in. We have two hours and 45 minutes. He may have somewhere to be. He has a job. Or not. I'm pretty much a slacker. No, you're not. You know the old saying, you don't miss your water until the well runs dry. Yes, that is true. Don't know what you got until it's gone. That's right.

1:40:40Yeah. Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? That's not the right saying. That's completely different. Well, Matt, you know. I'd pour a cocktail if I were you right now, Matt. Well, I'll tell you what. Let's move on to a different question. Okay. What's changed? This is the conversation Lauren and I have been having and will be having. I can only imagine. Oh, me too. Poor bastard. A lot of talking. Now tell me why again. Now, has nothing changed? No, it's not nothing has changed. It's been, you know, like one kind of realization after another. Like one of them for me was kind of like deciding that I'm responsible for my own happiness no matter what. And kind of in Lauren and I's relationship. Sometimes I'll just, I'm a very passive person, and sometimes I'll kind of play the victim and just shut up, you know? And then, I don't know, you know, when you shut your mouth for too long about something, then you just build resentment and everything. So I've been really more focused on just like...

1:41:50Saying what's on my mind and getting it out there. And if it means a fight, fighting about it now, you know. I think that's all good. Because that's how it gets better. I think that's all healthy. But what I want to get down to, you know, specifically, because that was the point of it, you know, was that the thing that kind of got you there in the first place was that, you know, you kind of came to this impasse. You know, you came to this impasse where one of you was ready. And the other one wasn't ready, which, again, was fair. That's fair, you know. If a person's not ready, they're not ready. What's changed? Oh, my God. Same question, just reworded. I've never in my whole life lived on my own. It's kind of crazy, but I had never had the opportunity before. Never even had his own bedroom. Never even had my own bedroom. So I've always just kind of been like either doing couch. I'm a real winner. But basically. Stop saying that you are a winner. Yeah, a lot of us are in that position and have been in that position. Yeah, you are a winner. There's nothing wrong with that. Very talented musician. That is true. Yeah, musicians do. So anyway, I have my own place now. When I first got in there, I was so excited. But maybe four hours into it, I was like, dude, this is lovely. Now what? I kind of had not experienced that or been prepared for that. And after a couple of weeks of that, it was like, huh.

1:43:15You know, maybe this whole, like, flying solo thing isn't as cool as I think it is. Yeah. So what you're saying is that it would be better to have companionship. I think he thought, yeah, like, the grass is always greener. He moved in with Lauren. He was in a serious relationship. He didn't know what it was like to be on his own. Now he's experienced it. He's tasted it. Didn't like it. Wants to be, you know, back with his buddy. But I think also there's a part of it, too, that is that Matt is probably saying, well. I'm strong enough to be on my own, and I've experienced it now. And I'll tell you, it's probably for you guys, as my Dr. Phil, for you guys to have your own separate identities for now as you guys work this out is probably a good thing. Instead of diving, hey, move your stuff in. You know what I mean? I'm going to help you, Matt. I'm going to help you out. Thank you. Okay.

1:44:09Because when I asked you what's changed, your answer was, I got lonely. And so I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you out. Woods, you be me and ask me the same question. I'll be BFMC. Lauren looks terrified right now. You're Mikey and I'll be BFMC. I'll be Mikey's voice, okay? So, Matt, what's changed? Now, why is that my voice? That's your voice. That's my voice. Hey, Matt, what's changed? All right. Well, what's changed? Weird Mikey. Are you doing that? It's a white Mikey. You're the whitest sounding Mexican ever. Hey, Matt, what's changed? That's his voice from now on. Hey, Matt. Matt, it's Mikey Esparza. What's changed, pal? People used to call me Michael Shannon. Okay, so here's Matt. Here's the right answer. Well, what changed was... I got on my own and I realized I couldn't live without her. I mean, forget loneliness. I needed Lauren. That's what you meant. It wasn't about being alone. I mean, I could get a cat. I could get a roommate. I mean, yeah, I was lonely. I didn't like it so much, but I could get a roommate. I could get a cat. What I missed was my girl, Lauren. That's what I missed. I was getting good.

1:45:31Not as many guys are as good with their words, especially on the radio. Come on, talk about pressure. That's true. You're a wordsmith. I'm a wordsmith. I am. But that's why I said I'll help you. Think about how many girls you talked into dating you. That is 100%, including my wife. Mine too. Yeah, including my wife. Well, BFMC, that's what changed. Yes, that's exactly what it was. Like I said, I was getting there. But yeah, Lauren is a one of a kind. And I've known that. Since the day I met her. And I always know that. But I just, you know, sometimes you have to step away from something, get some perspective on it before you realize just how awesome it is. Well, that's good. That's good. Can I ask a question? You make me cry right now, Matt. I'm telling you. Are you both seeing a serious future or something? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We wouldn't be, you know, we wouldn't be talking. You wouldn't be diving back in unless that was in the future this time. No chance. I love you guys. I got to tell you. I got to tell you. And I'm going to say this with all honesty. Oh, boy. When I met Lauren and Matt, I was here, but without my wife. My wife was home. And when we all met for dinner, I ended up telling my wife, I'm like, wait till you see this couple, Matt and Lauren. Like, they're freaking perfect for each other. I hung out with them. We went to Petco that day. The three of us hung out. Just laid around. We talked. Laid around. We were laying. Wow. It was one time. We were a little tipsy. What the heck? We were laying.

1:46:59We were laying on the grass outside of Petco just hanging out. And they were. That's just as weird. I know. That's really weird. I'm telling you this in all honesty. Pulling hands. I'm telling you. Being around. Just making grass angels real good. Being around those two. I'm serious. This is a serious thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Being around those two made me go, you know, I need to make it right with mine. It's absolutely true. And I did. That was touching. Soon after. Yeah. You guys are rad together, and I've always thought so. You know, I had a similar situation. I had a similar situation with my wife, Rebecca. You know, where Rebecca was, she was 29. She was 29. Lauren's age? She was Lauren's age, and she was about to turn 30, and I was parked in front of a Verizon store, sitting in my car, and she was on the speaker. And we had been dating for... At that point, we'd been dating for about four years. And I had done my rehab bit already, and it was like big boy time. And she had this conversation with me where she was like, you know, I am not the pressure type. I don't like to be pressure girl. I'm not that girl. She said, at the same time, I'm going to be 30 December 3rd.

1:48:26My birthday is December 2nd. Yes. Very strange. And she said, you know, eventually I want that for my life. I want to be able to have that for my life. Now, my reaction was I got mad. Yes. Because I was like, what are you pressuring me, man? What am I going to do this because I'm being pressured? I want to be pressured, man. If I do this, blah, blah, blah. It's going to be all the way, man, when I do it. Just know that. I just want to get my stuff together first, man. And I need to do this right. And I was giving her and I was saying all this stuff. And she goes, okay. She said, well, I totally understand that and all that's fair. I'll see you later. And I need to do what's right for me. I don't want to, but I got to do what's right for me. And I was like, well, if you're going to put that kind of ultimatum on me, then fine. You're better at doing his voice. If you're going to put that kind of ultimatum on me, then that's fine, Rebecca. Damn it. Time out. Dang it. Go get a chimichanga. Get a burrito. Enchilada. And that lasted about...

1:49:42Two months, I think. I don't even know. That's longer than I thought. Maybe it wasn't that long. She'd be like, really? It was two days. And I called her back and I said, you know what? You're right. And I don't know when, but it's going to happen. And it's going to happen sometime soon. And I can't live without you. And I can't live without you. I have to have you. It's got to be me and you. But, you know, I made it clear that we were going to get married. And then I surprised her. She had no idea. We were in Lake Tahoe and got lost. Weird. It's a great story. Yeah, a little embarrassed and pulled over and asked her to marry me. So we've all gone through it, you know? Every one of us in this room has. You did? Todd and I broke up like three times. Jamie and I did. Jay did. I mean, this is... It's all a part of it. This is, you know, this is what happens. So maybe we just take this opportunity right now to just pop the questions. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. That's right. Matt's a bad connection. I got a bad connection. All right, so Matt, you go to work now and quickly hang up the phone. Make yourself a drink. Okay. All right, you guys. Thanks for calling in. Later, Matty. Hey, this was fun, huh? Lauren, say something special to him. He just did a really good thing for you.

1:51:04I'll talk to you later, bubs. Is he in trouble? Talk to you later, bubs. Oh, there he goes. He said I love you. Now you say? I love you, too. Yeah! Thank you. Why is it so difficult? He just put his heart out on the line. What's happening, hot stuff? I should have just said thank you and nothing back. Thank you. I love it. Thank you, Matt. She talks about you all the time. She loves you. She loves you. She likes you, likes you. Yeah. Her face lights up when his name is mentioned. Yeah, she turns into a stuttering. She's like. Like a 14-year-old girl. When she gets home, you guys are going to have some milk. Oh, boy. I don't get it. I don't get it. Yes, you do. Yeah, you do. Think about it. Oh. Dead air. Why by the cow? Yes. Of course. Hi, Mike. Hi, Mike. Hello, Mike. Let me tell you what makes it so uncomfortable with Jay. Is that it's always presented like the. most clever line, but it's so blatant. It's just so blatant. It's what I do. It's what you do. I'm starving and I just ate oatmeal. I'm starving. I'm not. Okay, so we have to do this dude with the 50-yard line tickets to the Chargers.

1:52:21And his wife's mad. And Sienna has strong opinions. And Lauren has strong opinions. And me and Woods have strong opinions. I'm nervous about this one. Oh, yeah. Just keep it under control. We're all friends. We're all friends. We're all friends. We're all friends. We're family. Let's just all be cool. Everybody take his hand. Just hold the hand. Take my hand. My hand is sweaty. I like it. Just maybe don't call yourself Fall Out Boy. That's great. So many bands that I like, but the names of them kill me. Jimmy Eat World is tough. Come on, they're such a good band. They're great, but they're called Jimmy Eat World. All right, I got an email for you. Want to get your take on this. Don't forget, by the way. Oh, wait. I almost forgot. No, you don't have to. Sienna, what's going on in the news? You don't have to. McDonald's in San Francisco. Forget it. If you want a Happy Meal, you won't get one. Why? Because as of this week, San Francisco has banned Happy Meals.

1:53:37In that city, they are the first major U.S. city to pass this law because they're so unhealthy. They said until they serve kids meals that have less than 600 calories, contain fruits and vegetables, and include beverages without excessive fat or sugar, you can't get a meal with toys at that McDonald's. Now, I want everybody to know this right now is a fundamental difference between liberal politics, And conservative politics. If you ever hear this phrase, I want the government out of my life. That's conservative Republicans. I don't want the government to tell me what's healthy for my kid. What about pot? Well, prostitution. Prostitution. They say you can't be a prostitute. You know what I mean? So there's a precedent for that. But what I'm saying is, is that I don't want the government legislating.

1:54:37what i can eat what i can't eat that's crazy to me that they can do that that is weird it's because you know they have a toy and they're like oh here come get come get this with it because it has a toy and it's unhealthy and so they're like okay well they need to make healthier stuff so that they still want that with their toy because they're luring them with a toy and they're thinking that it's like causing everyone to be fat I mean, you know, so San Francisco is the first city to do this. And like I said, it needs to have less than 600 calories, fruits and vegetables, healthier drinks in order to have a toy with it. Also, you remember Hiccup Girl? Yeah. She killed somebody. Yeah. She and two other guys lured this man and ended up shooting him. Well, she had a trial earlier this week. I believe it was on Tuesday to see if she'd post bond. And during the trial, the hiccups came back. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Really? Was it a bit? I don't know. I don't think she was hiccuping like 50 times a minute. Couldn't she just do that? I don't know. But they came back and the lawyer is exploring brain disorders, like saying that she had some kind of brain disorder, which is why they killed someone. Could be crazy. Bringing up Tourette's and other stuff like that. Could be.

1:55:47We'll see. What's going on in sports? Well, the Padres have declined the option on starting pitcher Chris Young. Young, as you guys know, has been hurt a lot of the time he's been here. He finished last season with a 2-0 record and .90 ERA, but at the end of the year, they could have used him. Could have used him during that. He's hurt, right? Yeah, he's always hurt, and they declined that option. So they're not going to spend $8.5 million on Chris Young, which I think is a really good move. And also, it's now time in baseball for free agents. And there are a... A ton of them, man. Vlad Guerrero, Cliff Lee, Victor Martinez, Paul Canerco. I mean, it's going to be a huge, huge year for free agents. I'm sure we'll be right in there. Right in the mix, spending about $4 on somebody. Yeah, we'll offer $4. Yeah, the Padres are not expected to spend a lot more money than they did last year. Weird. So this email says, hey, Mikey, please help me settle World War III in my house. My son's second birthday is November 22nd. My wife is in the process of planning a very elaborate and unnecessary birthday party for him. Settle down, Sienna. Here's the problem. Yeah, Sienna looks like she's already going to go. I didn't say anything. He gave the lip purse and the lick of the lips. My buddy just scored two incredible tickets for the Chargers-Broncos game that night. 50-yard line seats, the whole thing. I obviously want to go.

1:57:14As I don't get the chance to go to Chargers games a lot. Since I work weekends managing a restaurant. She is outraged. The word outraged is in all caps. She is outraged that I'd even consider going. And my point is that he's freaking two years old. Yep. Doesn't care and won't remember anyway. Does he know? Call you dad? Am I a huge jerk or is she being unreasonable? M1 Berlin. Well, it's it's a this is all a matter of opinion. And I think that if he made the commitment to go to the party, he needs to stand firm on his commitment and be at the party. However, however, and my wife would be in full disagreement about this. I think that the one year old and two year old. Three-year-old birthday parties are a bit. Be careful. No way. They are. They are. You never get those days back. Bro, but it's not for the kid. It's for the parent. Yeah. Well, okay. I mean, it's not for the kids. My parents videotaped all my birthday parties and still to this day, like, she'll take one out and I'll watch it. It's adorable to see yourself and your friends. How often do you do that? It doesn't matter. We do it. All right.

1:58:38Why couldn't you just take out a video of you at that age? Yeah, when you were two. No, because you have all your friends. It's a celebration of birth. Yes, it is a celebration of birth. Imagine this, though. Imagine this poor mother who's gone through the effort to throw this party for their child, not her child, their child, so that he feels special on his birthday. So that he feels special. He won't even know. He doesn't even know what's special. He doesn't know. Yes, he does. He knows what poop is. Light up his life. It's two. At the age of two, you know when people are coming to your house to celebrate you. It's all about you. He knows. Even if the kid doesn't know, like you said, it's a party for the adults as well. It's about integrity. If you commit to something first, you do not turn around and commit to something else. But as a married couple... She has to be able to say, hey, listen, I know you work hard and I know you don't really get the chance to go. And this is it's it's not something that was he had to make a decision. It's now something that's been added to the equation. And now it's like, hey, babe, this just came up. And now I have this chance. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. If she was cool, she'd like.

1:59:48No. You know what I would say? Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, don't make me go over there. Okay, you guys, I'm going to finish what I was trying to say. Imagine being this woman who has worked really hard to plan this special party for their child to feel special on his birthday. Her birthday, whatever. Showcase herself. Now, imagine the day comes and the dad is not there. People are arriving at the house with gifts and stuff. The little boy is there. Where's Tom? Where's Tom? I'll tell you how she does it. Where's dad? Here's how she does it. Where's your dad, buddy? She does it in that cute way that women do. No, there's no cute way. Here's how they do it. She's humiliated. Yeah, she goes like this. She goes, do you know where he is? That's not cute. Women do that. They go like this. She goes, do you know where he is? And they go, where? And she goes, he got 50-yard line tickets to the Chargers, and he's at the Chargers game. And that's like a sitcom. You are ridiculous if you think that. That's humiliating for a wife to have to say that her husband and father of a child went to the game over the birthday party. He blew it off.

2:00:51Any guy that you told that to would be like, you are a rad wife. It's not about looking cool. It's about keeping a promise to your kids. I'm sorry, I'm going to say it. Don't you say it. You're not a good dad. You're not a good dad. Your children are your priority, not your sports team. I'm the two-year-old. Mommy? Oh, really? Darling. I would love to open presents with you, but Daddy has a very, very special thing that's happened. You're my mommy, right? No, I'm your daddy. I want to talk to my mommy. Okay, fine. I'm your mommy. Now I'm at the party. Where's Daddy? Oh, Daddy is at a very special thing for Daddy. Daddy's going to be here when I open my presents? No, Daddy's not going to. I need Daddy. Daddy went to a very special thing for Daddy. That's not going to happen.

2:01:49My presents. Well, Daddy is going to open. Mommy. Mommy. Here's what we're going to do. Daddy will keep one aside. Daddy will open it with you. Daddy works real hard. Daddy deserves a break. You just said Daddy went to a very special thing for Daddy, but this is a very special thing for the boy or the girl, the two-year-old. All right, let me try again. Mommy? Yes? Where's Daddy? Daddy. Daddy is at a football game. Am I football again? No, you're two, so you don't play football. I have this ball. I throw this ball. Where's Daddy? I throw the ball with Daddy. Daddy will throw the ball with you when he gets home. It's my party. I know. Daddy will throw the ball with you when he gets home. Daddy's not here now? That is if Daddy has enough energy. Oh, my God. Daddy can't even do that. Daddy sucks. Daddy sucks.

2:02:49He works his... Mommy! I'm two! Daddy works. I want to be in daddy's lap when I open my presents. Yeah, don't worry. You will get to sit on daddy's lap. You sure talk well for a two-year-old. No. By the way, you know who worked his butt off to supply this party for you with that jumpy house outside? The dad did. The mom. How do you know? Mom's work too? What are you talking about? Look at Sienna. I'm projecting. Yes, it's unfair. We should find out. two-year-olds, when they're that age, daddy usually always does work. So it's exciting when daddy's there. And all two-year-olds want to see their dad when they come home. Yeah. Well, they do. It's just this one Sunday. Nope. They go through a phase where they don't even care about mommy. It's all about daddy. Here's the deal. The bottom line is, I think these parties have gotten... Now, yes, she planned it. If he said he would go, he should go.

2:03:49But these parties for two-year-olds have gotten ridiculous. But he also says it's elaborate. Maybe it's not. M1 Justin from downtown is on the line. Are you there, Justin? Yeah. Go ahead. First off, I think it is such a bit for a guy to say, oh, I work so hard. Yeah. I work so hard when I come home and I just watch a football. I work hard. That's a bit, then. You just said it. That's a bit. I have a part-time job. I play with my kids when I get home. You have to. You have to. That's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, and you do. And you play with your kids. Not this dad. He's on your side. I know. I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about the guy in the email. But you're telling me that a dad is supposed to say, hey, yeah, I did work. You know, like my dad. When I was a kid, my dad worked his ass off. He made good money. He supported us. And if my dad wanted to go play golf on Sundays, you know what? The guy's entitled. Was it on your birthday? During your birthday party when people come into your house? Sienna, my dad... Here's... I'll tell you something. My dad...

2:04:55I missed my very first baseball game in high school. I mean, it bothered me at the time, but now I'm like, you know what? You know why he did? Because he went to a Red Sox game. You know what? And you know why he did? I'm like, you know what? He had great—I mean, it hurt at that time. That hurts. If that didn't bother you, you wouldn't be cleaning up right now. But I was 16 years old. I was 16 years old. 20 years later. But now that I am a husband, now that I'm a husband, and I'm like, you know what? I work pretty hard, too. And if I want to go play baseball on Sunday— You're damn right I'm entitled to. That's completely different, though. You remember your dad not being there. Well, you know, of course. But you remember. But I was 16. It doesn't matter. It still hurt. As a father of four kids, you don't want to miss these special times. You do not want to let these go by. Jay, you're not a football fan, but okay, how about a surf trip? How about a surf trip? No, you're not going. I'm not going. No, it can't just be a surf trip. It's got to be a surf trip that's the equivalent of a 50-yard line. To Fiji. To Fiji. No. You're not going to go? Here's what we would do. Free one. I can tell you what we would do. Jay would not miss it. He wouldn't miss it. We've moved the party. He would miss it. He was just saying he'd miss it. No. So he'd move the party. He would miss it. We would move the party to another date. The kid doesn't care. Yep.

2:06:05All the RSVPs. It's not that big a deal. Yeah, and why are there RSVPs for a freaking two-year-old's birthday? Lauren's just saying that. She's giving examples. But I'm saying there are. She's right. She's absolutely right. So she can keep track of how much food she needs. Yeah, why wouldn't you RSVP? For a two-year-old birthday party, you know what you need? Some pizzas and a birthday cake. If that. How many pizzas? Four. The food's not for the two-year-olds. It's for all the parents. How many brothers and sisters are you bringing with you? Maybe we stop birthday parties up until about four years old. All the way in. You guys are clowns. I can't wait. My niece is going to turn one in March and I can't wait. You know who can wait? Your niece who won't even know. No. They don't remember. It's the best day of their life knowing that everyone came to celebrate them. Do you know how much that means to a little kid? It's not as much about them. It is about the memories that you create at that time. It's about the mother wanting to show off. Thank you. It's about the mother wanting to show off. You're welcome. I can't believe this. I can't believe these words are coming out of your mouth. You guys are filling in a lot of blanks. It's for the mother that wants to show off. Woods just said what so many people were thinking and didn't have the rocks to say. No one is thinking that. The guy that wants to blow off his kid's two-year-old birthday party.

2:07:25so he can selfishly go see the Chargers that lose anyway. You have a four-year-old and twin boys. You've gone through this. How do you not see their excitement? I believe that Jake gets it because he's a little older. He's four. And I think that once kids get it, I think that it's appropriate and should happen. Yes. But before that, you know, I love Rebecca. She insisted on taking Jake. She's a good mom. She insisted on taking Jake. He was born in September. And in October, she insisted on taking him to what I call... What did I nickname it? Fun. I nicknamed it Butts Nut Farm. It's Bates Nut Farm. Right. I nicknamed it Butts Nut Farm. Of course you did, because you're seven. Because I'm seven. So you could wear a little pumpkin hat and stuff? She wanted to put him in the pumpkins and take pictures. He was two months old. I called it... the little patch of terror. That's what I called it because he was screaming his head off. She didn't know that. And I said, and she wanted the pictures and all that stuff. And I go, babe, he doesn't know Butts Nut Farm from Butts Nut Farm. He doesn't know a pumpkin from a pumpkin.

2:08:34Why are we... It was for Rebecca. It was for Rebecca. And I love Rebecca. But it was for Rebecca. And Rebecca would admit it's for me. She should. But she shouldn't drag him if he doesn't want to go. Now, fast forward. Fast forward. Ridiculous. Why? Fast forward a year. Fast forward a year. It's your child. Fast forward a year to Jake's first birthday party. Okay. Love my wife. She makes the most beautiful home I've ever seen in my life. But I have to say. At that first birthday party, what it was about was nice. Look at us. How many people? Like D people. Exactly. Why not? Okay, so next August when Sage turns one, Lauren and Jay, you're invited to come to my house. Mike and Woods, I promise you right now you're not invited. Oh, I'm coming. We'll get her a cupcake so she can see. You're not invited because you don't understand why, but you're going to want to be there. No, I'll be at a charger again. I'm coming. Well, you're not invited, so don't worry about it. And the reason that I'm coming is because I want to be around you guys, but we have to be honest about it. Isn't it about us adults? It's about you. It's not about Sage. It's about us adults. It's about everything. It's about you. It's about Sage. She's going to put her hand in that cake, and it's going to go all over her face, and it's going to be adorable, and she's going to love it. And she's going to want to see pictures of herself. I see pictures of myself when I'm like, oh, Mom, you made me a cake when I was born? Yeah, it's so cool. Why is it Dad?

2:09:59Is there anyone on our side on there at all? That's Uncle Jay. Why isn't anyone? Where's Dad? M1 Alchemist from Chula Vista. Are you there? I am here. What did you want to say? I 100%, 1,000% even agree with Sienna on this one. Thank you. Nice work. Good person. Why? I have a 14-month-old, and yeah, I mean, they're probably not going to remember this, but it's the one day out of the year that you guys have to celebrate. It's not even happy. You guys should want to celebrate your child's birthday. Nice wording. He does. What if he does? But this is an opportunity that he never gets. You're picking yourself over your child. And when you're a parent, that doesn't happen. Your child comes first. It doesn't even matter if it's a Super Bowl. This is a one day. Your kid's never going to turn two, three, four, five again. Yeah, they turn two years old eight times. Do you know what I would say? If this guy, the guy that wrote the email. if i were his wife yeah and he was he propositioned me with what it was and everything and i i would have said wow that would have been really cool wouldn't have been no for you no that would have been really if it was a different day man that would have been fun huh look if he said he was gonna go he should go if he said he was gonna go he should go i'm gonna give you that but i my point isn't even isn't even should this guy my point is it's gotten

2:11:18Freaking ridiculous. It is. It's gotten ridiculous. You're filling in the blanks on it's getting ridiculous. Yeah, it could be like 20 people there barbecuing. It's getting ridiculous. I've lived it and I felt that, you know, I feel that little kid birthday parties are appropriate. I do. I just say, you know, why don't we do them when the kid gets it? What if all the cousins and the friends and stuff like that are like 6, 7, 10? It's for everybody. Well, then they have birthday parties. Right. Because they're 6, 7, and 10. They get it. I have a really, really big family on both sides. I've got tons of cousins, aunts, and uncles. We had a get-together for every birthday, christening, graduation, just as a chance to get the family together and see each other. Did you guys ever have food there? Oh, yeah. Like what kind? Give me an example. Everything you can imagine. Give me an example of one. Give me an example of one. Burgers. Yeah, one-year-old sitting there chomping burgers down, lasagna. Eating pieces of it. Hey, you guys, I forgot to tell you all, this weekend is Sonny's birthday. I want Senior Beans' birthday.

2:12:19You know, as you guys know, my wife's unable to have children. If you're throwing a party, I'll be there. That's my kid. I'll bring a zipper. Those are my kids. If it means a lot to you. I'm sending out invitations. I'm not going to RSVP. I'd like all of you to be there for my dog's one-year-old birthday party. Woods, I would go. Thank you, Bobby. I wouldn't do it. You're welcome, Senior B. It's happy birthday, by the way. I love you so much for to do this to me. I love you. It is so nice that you would do it. We're actually not. I was just using it as a bit. But I do love you. You know that. He's got tickets to go see Kings of Leon. Well, no, I'm playing baseball on Sunday. You know that. Because I work really hard through the week and I enjoy playing bowl with my friends on Sunday. But I love you. Yeah, it's okay. No, I'm going to spend time with you before and after, though. Play the baseball. Well, you know your mom has, she's flying people in for your party. Yeah, Mama Yemi. Mama Yemi is flying people in and there's a jumpy house. There's bacon everywhere. It's a big party. Sounds like fun. Aren't you excited? They're going to bring her girlfriend and they're going to drink the wine. Yes. And then they're going to throw the party for the beansies. Yeah, for beansies, but it's really for them, right? No. To get together.

2:13:40Yes, exactly. So, Beans, you would rather just not have the party? Is that what you're saying? I would rather that papi act like a papi around here. I'm going to bring a gift, and guess what? It's not going to be for Mama Yemi or for Papa Woodsy. It's going to be for you. The gift is going to be for you. Very, very nice of you. I mean, imagine if... I did not come to your birthday party. That would be fine. I didn't even have a birthday party because it's not a big deal to me. But I want to celebrate you. But I don't really want to. But that's your decision. If you love me, you would stay. If you hate my guts and want me to go, you would go play me. I got a game to play, pal, and I love you. You know I love you. I treat you real good, but I got a game to play. Yeah. You bring me something. I'll bring you something today. Pork chops. You ladies are insane. You are a monster. I'll guarantee you my wife is so irritated. I've been fuming about it all morning. I'm a dead man too. I know it.

2:15:02I have audio of Hulk Hogan rapping a tribute to Notorious B.I.G. Please don't. I do. I have it. Please don't. I'm going to play it next. I said I had a question for Woods and he's like, oh boy. I go, yeah, it's going to be tough. Really with a song? Yep. Beautiful and heartbreaking. He plays it every day. Tough question Thursday. That's right. Yeah, apparently. Somebody was watching too much Tom Brokaw lately. Barbara Walker. Let me ask you a question, Woods. Okay. By the way, we're getting killed on Facebook. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's okay. It is what it is. I mean, you know what? Well, I'll put it out there like this. I will say that I participate in all these things. Thank goodness. Yes. I do. I just don't. I have a gun to my head, but I do it. You'd hear from your wife at home and your wife's at work. You can't get mad at somebody for the way they feel. You just can't. And if that's the way you feel, then that's the way you feel.

2:16:39Sienna's right, can't you? Yeah, I guess you can. I think you can. Yeah, 100%. All right, Woods, you ready? No. Your dad calls you. Okay. M1 Hawk. M1 Hawk. He calls you. He says, son, I got tickets for Yankee Stadium. It's in October. Playoffs? World Series? Playoffs. World Series. It's a World Series. It's a World Series. He's got tickets for Game 7. Okay. It's this client that he's known for years who's got a ton of dough. And something tragic has happened, and he cannot sit in this box. So it's a box, skybox. At the new Yankee Stadium. At the new Yankee Stadium, a skybox. Game 7 World Series. Game 7 of the World Series. And oh, by the way, because it's so special.

2:17:35Dad wants to fly us. Your dad, of all people, wants to fly first class. My dad has a first class ticket for he and I. He and you. Okay. All right. The only problem is that it falls on the day of the scheduled C-section of the adoptive mother that you're going to have that's giving birth to your new baby. Wow! That is rough. Easy. It's the scheduled day. Easy. What do you do? I go to the birth. Oh, thank God. Close one. I do. I do. That is... That's the one thing? That, I mean, bro, you guys all know. Yeah, I just got a hug. I love you. Because off the air, he said a different situation. Different situation. I said, let's say it's his first birthday. Oh, I'm so glad you said that. I know. And Jamie, you wanted... I maybe wouldn't like you anymore. Oh, I know. I wouldn't have a home to go home to today. Yeah. You guys all, let's see. You have kids, Mikey. You have kids, Sienna. Jay, you have kids. You rescheduled the C-section. No, you don't. You did not reschedule the C-section. Lauren just looked at me right now like she was going to shoot me. You guys have, okay, and you guys can all attest to, you've all seen me around your kids. Yes. I'm pretty good with kids. Amazing. I love little kids. Amazing, amazing, amazing. So here's the thing. My whole point to that guy's email is...

2:18:57The parties have gotten ridiculous at such a young age. That's all I'm saying. Go ahead and backpedal. I'm not backpedaling. I'm not. But in that guy's case, he should go to the Charger game. And they should reschedule the party. They should reschedule the party. 100%. 100%. If they can reschedule, I'm sure this email wouldn't be happening. I'm sure that the wife was like, The fact that you even asked me is beyond me. And it's worse, too. It's worse because she picked his birthday, which happens to fall on a Monday, which is Monday Night Football. Right. They're playing Monday Night Football. She should have it on the weekend. You should reschedule that anyway. Yeah. It should have been a Saturday for sure. Maybe she works weekends. Could be. That would 100% be my mom. My mom would do it Monday night. Oh, absolutely. You save money from all the vendors that way. Yeah, it has to be, you know, she's like, we have to do it on his birthday. Yeah. And my wife, Jamie, is so cool. She would be like, dear, if you got World Series tickets and it's little Caleb's first birthday and we'll just reschedule the party, babe. Go to the World Series. I know my wife. She will. Is Caleb a name you like? Yeah. I like that. You know where we got it? Where? Uh-oh, he's...

2:20:13Oh, wow, you're flinching. The Notebook? Nope. The Kings of Leon? Oh, wow. I just love the name. I love the name. Everyone just pretend like you didn't say that. I know. Was that on the air? Was my mic on? Yeah. Unfortunately. That's how everybody knows. Oh, crap. Caleb Woods. That's cute, though. That's cute. This is Hulk Hogan rapping a tribute with his daughter, Brooke Hogan, to the Notorious B.I.G. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Hulk Hogan. Santa? What about the dancing girls, you know? What up, what up? Digging it the most, the champagne. Enter. Okay, are you ready to wrap?

2:21:00Like, Biggie, begin the challenge. No, this is dedicated to you, Biggie Smalls. Yo, Biggie Smalls, straight up, brother. It was all a dream. It's all about me and Biggie Smalls. Keep it real. I've been hustling my whole life, too, dog. You do your thing. Biggie Smalls, I'll do mine. We're both superstars. We're driving big, bad cars. This isn't happening. Now you know what you're going to do, brother. Those are not the words. Those are my words. Kill me. Will you kill me? Sing, Dad. Sing, Dad. I might be able to do a little of that. He does that. Wow. There's nothing annoying about it. No, not at all. Not even a little. I really love his freestyle. Yeah. But before the rap. Impeccable rhythm. Impeccable rhythm. But you guys don't do that with your parents at home. Yeah, you don't do that. You don't rap with your parents at home. I'm Paul Kogan. The greatest of all time. And I'm an unexpected rap star. And if you don't know, well now you know, brother.

2:22:08Unexpected crap star. That was the worst thing I've ever heard. Awful. And her like over singing. Brother. Brother. Brother. Brother. Chase creepy brother. Brother. Brother. Brother. Brother. Brother. Sounds like a horror movie. Yeah. Brother. This summer. Yeah. Brother. Jay, do it again. Brother. Oh, God. Did you clear your throat, pal? So weird. So weird. So this was, I thought this was pretty good. Sienna says that yesterday she called her friend back that she hadn't called for five days. Friend had called and she didn't call back for five days. Now, she feels bad because She just had the baby. And so she feels like, you know, kind of an excuse and all that. But kind of made me think, you know, like, do you ever not call a friend back? And it kind of gets to that point where you're like, do I even call back now? Yeah, absolutely. Just wait for him to call me again. Five days is nothing in my world. Yeah, we know. Still waiting for callbacks from January. Oh, my God. So are you going to be on the show now? What are you coming?

2:23:39Yeah, but I can relate to that. No, I mean, she called, and in the back of my mind, I was like, oh, I need to call her back. Did she leave a message? Oh, I need to call her back. No, she answered. No, no, no. Did she leave a message when she called you? Oh, yeah. A long message. Long message. Because, of course, she wants to know how the baby's doing and everything. And so I have a good excuse. There's a little passive aggression when you said a long message. Yeah, a little bit. Minus the passive. Well, it was like very clear that she wanted me to call her back. And so I was like, oh, I need to call her back. Oh, I need to call her back. So yesterday when I left work, I was like, now's the perfect time. I'm driving in the car. And so I'm talking to her, and this is. a good friend, so she wants to talk for a really long time. And right when I get home, I don't want to talk on the phone anymore. I'm home. I want to run to the baby. I haven't seen her since 3 a.m., you know? So I do. I'm like, okay, I just got home. I need to see her. I'll call you back in five minutes. And so I expect to see the baby, hold her, then I'll call her back when I'm holding her. But anyone who has a baby knows it doesn't always work that way. So I'm holding the baby, and hours go by. I mean, hours and hours. And then when time comes to write the recap late last night, I was like, what did I do today? Oh my gosh, I never called her back!

2:24:40And I just completely forgot. You've got to rid yourself of that guilt, Sienna. You've got to let that go. That's what I do. I don't really feel that bad, but I almost feel bad for not feeling bad, you know? Well, here's the deal, Sienna. When I say to my brother Steve, hey, I'll call you right back, that means I'll talk to you next month. Yeah. Yeah, and guys are pretty good with that. Guys are so much better. We're pretty good with that. Like, you know your boy, if you don't hear from your boy, For two weeks? Yeah. You're like, he's still there. He still loves me. No, that's fine. We're still pals. It's like that with me and that friend, too. We just mean the callback. When you say, I do it all the time. Oh, yeah. I do it all the time. Let me call you. I'll call you back. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And let me call you right back. You do that to me. Yeah. And you don't call back? Mm-mm. And I know it. I know it. But how do you say to somebody? And that's like this morning. I said to Woods, Woods, no. Woods said to me. hey, why don't we do blah, blah, blah? And I go, uh-uh. And he goes, okay, great. I'll just go F myself. And I go, what did I do wrong? He goes, no, nothing. I'm a moron. I'll leave. Don't worry. I hate that. And I literally said to him, I go, how could I have said it different? Because I don't know how to say it. You said it fine. He just said it fine. Did you?

2:26:00But I don't think I did, and I don't think he thinks I did either. I don't think he liked it. But then you ask Woods, well, how would you like me to say it? And he'll tell you, and then you go, BS. If I said it to you that way, you'd be mad too. And so you can't say to somebody, hey, I'm going to go, and I'm not going to call you back. Right. You know what some people do? All right, I'll let you go. They put the onus back on you. Be like, yeah, okay, I'll let you go. I do that. What do you mean? Like someone could easily do that to me. Like, oh, I'll let you go. I know you have a lot going on with the baby and stuff. I'll talk to you later. Nobody does that. What? I do it. People do that all the time. Not to me, man. I've always got to be the guy that goes, I got to go. You guys have friends that do this bit? All of us in this room have something that allows us to get off the phone. And it usually goes like this. Mike and I will be talking. So, Mikey, you're asking me about Apocalypse Now, right? Right. On the phone? Yeah. Dude. You have got to see this movie. It's the greatest thing. Apocalypse Now. Yeah, I plan on it, man. I'll come over and watch it sometime. So anyway, dude, I got to run real quick. All of us have that little intonation that knows the other person should be able to know, okay, he's ready to get off the phone. I've got friends. Mark Malman, my friend, is one of those people that will be like, he won't let you off the phone. I have that friend. So anyway.

2:27:24Anyway. My friend Larry has the perfect term for that. What is it? Low social IQ. Yeah. In a lot of situations, I have a low social IQ. I just do. And a lot of people that I know will have the low social IQ. They don't pick up on, okay, all right. Yeah. This is why I avoid the phone. Woods is actually, I've noted this about you. You're phenomenal at wrapping it up without making it seem like. Weird. Yeah, because I would talk on the phone so much more to my girlfriends at home if I knew it was going to be like, okay, I just kind of wanted to hear your voice, five, ten minute conversation. But when a certain amount of time has passed, you're like, all right, I have to set aside an hour. That's how it is. I have to sit still. To LOB, I did it. We talked maybe yesterday or the day before. You were at Blockbuster. Yeah. And I was like, and I could tell the conversation was winding down. I go. All right, kid, I'll see you in the morning. Just like that. And it was like done. And I can hear relief in her voice. I only call you if I have a very particular reason. Dire emergency. If that phone says Mike Esparza on it.

2:28:32I want you to know I need you to pick that phone. I've been, this is actually like a thing I've been consciously working on because I hate, honestly, when my phone rings, it might as well be an anvil. I'm like, oh, I hate picking up like the phone and now being anchored to like whatever I was in the middle of doing. That's the thing with cell phones. It's not like at your house stationary. Oh yeah. When I'm sitting around with nothing to do, it's like I'm in freaking. Trader Joe's. Like, I'm in my car, and I already got a $150 ticket for talking on the phone in my car, so I'm just kind of like... And it's when it's someone that you don't really want to talk to, you know, okay, if I don't answer it now, I'm not going to call them back, and I'm going to look like a jerk. I know, and I'll just be like, ugh. Isn't the worst, though? I hate talking on the phone. When you're talking on the phone to someone, and it's been a long conversation, and it's almost over, and you can feel that it's almost over, and you're almost there, and then the phone cuts out, and you're like, no! Now I need to call them back! You have to call them back to wrap it up. But you can't because you're calling them back. You look for a few seconds and go, will we both be able to be adults enough to know that we can just let this go? I love that friend that doesn't call and I don't call and you know it'll be okay. That friend is few and far between. That friend is few and far between. That's the worst. And then you're like, okay, do I call? Do they call? Then you call and it's busy. No, straight to voicemail. They're calling me right now.

2:30:00I'm going to get off anyway, so I'll just talk to you later. How about this one? This is the greatest. This is the greatest. Rebecca. Rebecca, we were driving home, and if Wendy's listening, and if Rebecca's listening, she's going to be so irritated. I'm telling this story in the air. Weird. But we're driving home. We're driving home together, and Rebecca has an appointment with Wendy, the personal trainer. And Wendy's going to come over and train her. And Rebecca goes, Will you call Wendy and tell her that? And I go, no, no, no, I'm not you. She goes, please, please, please, I'll do anything, please. And I go, no, babe, you're calling. So she goes, okay, she has to like psych herself up, right? I would have loved your face off if you were my husband and you were like, okay, I'll do it. Oh, yeah. You'd be instantly loved had you had made that call for her. Made you a big pot roast dinner. But I was like relishing watching her do this. Yes. I relished it. Because you're a sadist like me. Because I'm a sadist. And I loved watching her make this call. She didn't want to. Oh, my gosh. We'd had a busy day. She could have done it, but she was tired. You just wanted to go home, yeah. She just wanted to go home. And so she calls and she goes, oh, God, go voicemail. It's the best feeling. She got voicemail. It's the greatest feeling. I know where this is going. She goes,

2:31:08Hey, Wendy, it's Rebecca. I was just... Oh, it's Wendy! She goes, it cut off. Oh, no! I thought she was calling. She lost the signal. Oh, no, dude. She lost the signal. That's even worse. And all she had gotten out at the time was, Hi, Wendy, it's Rebecca. If she calls a second time. I'm dying laughing and I go, you got to call back. No way. I would have left it at that. No, it's not enough. She would have come over for the training. She hadn't got out yet. So she calls her back. She's going to answer. She's waiting, waiting, waiting. She goes. Oh, hi, Wendy. Oh, no. Wendy picked up because she thought it was important. If you call a second time, you know you have to pick up. Oh, no. Sorry, I was leaving you a voicemail and then it cut out. Anyway, I can't come today. Bye. Or what about when the phone hangs up when you're almost done wrapping up?

2:32:03Then you're like, okay, I'll be the person to call back, say bye. You leave a voicemail because they don't answer. You're like, I'm in the clear, I'm in the clear. And then they call back. They didn't listen. They didn't listen. I saw that you called, I didn't listen. Well, I was just saying that, you know, I'm done talking. I was just saying you're fired. Can we all just make an agreement that if you know the conversation's coming to an end and the phone dies, we don't need to call back. We don't need to call back. Can we also make an agreement? What? No voicemails. Ever. No voicemails. Text. If you're going to call me, call me, but don't leave a voicemail. I agree. I have three un-listened voicemails on my phone right now. Can we make a pack? I don't like that one. Send me a text. I want to know what you want. Leave a text after the call. Do a text after the call if you don't answer. It's more fun to check a text than a voice message. And sometimes I don't, well, yeah, if you just call and don't leave a message, sometimes my phone I just don't see. People will be like, I called you. I'm like, what? I didn't see it. Okay, can we make one more agreement? Yes. And this is with all of mankind. Yes. If you text me and I, or no, no, no, no, excuse me. If I text you.

2:33:12Don't call me. Because that means you don't want to talk, you're not in a place to talk, or you just don't want to. You're probably in church or somewhere where you can't. If I text you, don't go, well, I just want to talk on the phone. I do that. Yeah, but sometimes if it goes back and forth. I'm texting you for a reason. I know I do that, though. I do it too. Jay is a let's talk. Let's talk. I communicate better in email form and in text form. Jay wants to talk. I like to talk. But sometimes, Mike, if it's coming from you and it's a text and if it's something about the show or something, I want to make sure I have all the details squared away and that you know that I know, so I need to talk to you. Why don't you write me back? Because you're very particular. We need to make sure that we understand exactly what you mean. You want to hear it from your mouth. We don't want to mess up with us. But I feel like if I write it, we can always go back to it and be like, look, I put it here. But that's true, but we don't even want to get to that point of confusion. You want to understand. You want to understand it. And sometimes it's very hard to...

2:34:17To convey in an email or especially a text what you really mean. Like connotation. Connotation, you know, details. Sorry, your law doesn't pass. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. You guys don't like if I text you, don't call me? You guys don't like that one? No, we're out. Wait, wait, wait. If it's really direct, if the text message is like, is the movie at 7 or at 8? You should just text the person back. Right. Seven or eight. Or yeah, whatever. But don't be like, hey man, I'm really excited. Are you excited? You're going to get popcorn? Yeah, that's dumb. You're going to get popcorn? I don't care if you do. I don't care if you do. Woods. I always call. Yeah, I don't care. I always call. So you care if we do? Yeah. The rest of us? Wow. I care. I care. Oh, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. I can tell you who I care and who I don't. Oh my gosh. When she says she loves me. Good one. This will probably surprise you. Justin Bieber actually said something I agree with. Listen to this. If there's anybody that can address this bullying problem that we're having right now, it's someone who actually is as popular as you are. And you've experienced not just probably before the fame, but even since the fame. You've had something recently. What would you say to people that are being bullied right now?

2:36:28there's yeah it's so you know there's so many bullies there's so it goes on so much and you know i think that you should especially if you're like a bystander you know you you definitely should um you know help out you know because it could be you next so i think that yeah yeah you got a little tough talk in there i just think you know everybody everybody you know goes through bullying everybody you know has it so um you know i think that You know, there's so, even me, like I said, like, on my YouTube page, there's so many, like, haters that just say crazy stuff. Like, I'm not mad. I'm 16. I don't have chest hair. I'm not, like, I'm not angry about that. You know, that'll come. But people are like, yo, he's, you know, look at him. You know, he puts helium in his voice before he sings. Like, you just gotta laugh at yourself, you know? It's funny. Oh, no.

2:37:27Is this Bieber? Is this Justin Bieber? No, it isn't. Is this a Justin Bieber lover, Captain Buzzkill? No, it isn't Justin Bieber. Who is this? Captain Buzzkill. Do you have a poster of Justin Bieber above your bed? No. Tom Brady? Yeah. He doesn't know who Tom Brady is. I love that you know that. Do you have a poster of The Matrix? Do you have a poster of The Matrix above your bed? No, I don't have a poster of The Matrix. I do have a poster of The Matrix. Avatar? Yes, I have a poster of Avatar. What's wrong with that? Are you planning on seeing the Neutron movie? Yes. Of course you are. Did you pick up Toy Story 3? It came out earlier this week. I don't know. Pre-order. It'll be here tomorrow. What do you want? What do you want? I just hope you were listening to that clip. You could bully me. You bully us. You started it. You bully us. We don't bully you. You bully us. I only bully bullies. You bully bullies? Yeah, I bully bullies. That still makes you a bully. So that makes you a bully. We bully bullies. So you're a bully? Yeah, I guess technically I am. Okay, see you later. Bye-bye. Wow. I guess you got him with that. You got him good. Talked him out of it. Thank you very much. I only bully bullies. Bully bullies. I only bully bullies.

2:39:01You don't necessarily talk so much as you talk through your nose like that. When you eat sandwiches, do you cut off the crust? Do you drink juice boxes? Wow. Agreed. What about a Yoohoo juice box? They make use of the juice. They do, they do. I don't think they do that. It comes in a box. It's not juice, technically, but it's a Yahoo box. It comes in a box? Yeah, like a juice box. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Where do you... The grocery store? Which one? Anyone. Statler Brothers. You can try Vons. I've gotten them there. What kind of lunch pail do you have? I don't dislike you guys to be so trivial about this. When you eat fruit roll-ups, do you wrap it around your finger and suck on it? That's...

2:40:07What is that like? You're so perverted and it's so boring. Is it? Yeah. I wish that you were playing a song right now. Oh, I know. It's supposed to be all about the music. And you know what it's all about? What? Perverts like wood. It's not all that it's about. Why don't you guys change the slogan of the station to all about perverts like wood. I'm all the way in. I'm not. I'm in. It's catchy. It's all about the music anyway. It's about the music, and it still is. And we love music. You know that. Yeah, you love music so much. I do. I play music. I'm a musician. You play. I play the guitar. I'll play you something right now. What do you play, Captain? See if you like this. Halo. Casio keyboard. Halo, great game. It's not you. Yes, it is. That's Lindsay Buckingham. That's me. That's what's playing.

2:41:13That's landslide. I know. And it's not you. That's me. I'm telling you. He's not a liar. He is a liar. He is. How do I know? Go online. Hold up a paper. Yeah. It wasn't bad. Thank you. Wow. Compliments. That's the first nice thing you've ever said. Well, it's the first nice thing Woods has ever done. Ever? Ever. He's such a perverted weirdo. Weirdo. I bet you have pants on. I don't. Probably. Is it true that you zipped yourself up yesterday? Yes, it is true. I'm sure you've done that, CBK. No. No, I never have. He has his Spongebob boxers that filter. Spongebob man panties. Yeah. Sorry. It's not Spongebob. What is it? Hanes.

2:42:17What about Fruit of the Loop? I don't wear Fruit of the Loop. Don't you? Haynes, because Michael Jordan wears them. Who's Michael Jordan? I wear... What is Michael Jordan? Never mind. I wear boxer briefs. Weird. You and Mikey both. TMI. It's disgusting. Skid marks? I have an awful mental picture. No, I wear black ones. To hide the skid marks? Because he lives at home. His mom doesn't. Yeah. Does she go, Buzzkill! Why are you intruding my person? Why are you talking about your... You're a pervert. You're talking about your underwear? It's not perverted if you look good in your underwear, and I do. You are a pervert. You're a creepy pervert. Oh, really? Well, all my girlfriends have never had a problem with it. I'm going to write a letter to Mr. Rick R. Jackson about sexual harassment from Mr. C.B.K. I don't work there.

2:43:16Inflatable girlfriends don't count. We can get a restraining order against you. Yeah, we can. And we will. Cease and desist. Done. Did you say it wouldn't be the first time? He said it wouldn't be the first time. Oh my gosh. That was a little creepy. Creeper. It really was. Oh, Lady Antebellum. Woods. What's happened to you? I don't know. Apparently I'm now a gay man. Yeah. This is very, it's a touching song. I like this song. I listened to this song with a bottle of wine. That's it. And look what happened. Cell phone in my hand. Look what happened. This was the song that you were listening to when you called BFMC? Among others, yes. Lauren is back together with Matt if you missed that announcement. Yeah, if you missed it earlier, Lauren's back with her boyfriend Matt. We're dating. Commerce. We're dating. Boyfriend Matt, Commerce, BFMC. BFMC. Yeah. Yeah, they are BFGF. Yeah, boyfriend girlfriend. That's what he said. That's what he said. He likes her, likes her, and she likes him, likes him. Yeah, they both checked yes in the box. We did, we did. Yeah.

2:44:12Did your Facebook say in a relationship? No. Oh, time to change it. We need to make that update. Hold on. Maybe he buys a ring. What? Oh! Yeah. Mama Testa is coming in tomorrow. Nice. It's been a while. I love it. It has been. Oh, that's good food. It has been a while. I want those potato tacos. Yeah, bring me my flautas. They're located in the corner of Richmond and University and Hillcrest. So good, man. It's one of those songs that you have to turn up really loud in your car. We were talking about it the other day. I heard Stan for the first time in Woods' car about a week ago. Ridiculous. Never heard it. I can't believe that. Well, where would I hear it? The radio? Everywhere. Where did you guys hear it? MTV. Nightclubs. Never watched MTV. Nightclubs. You always go to nightclubs. No. I don't go to nightclubs. You always go to nightclubs. I don't go to nightclubs. They don't play at a church. Did they play at a church? No. You're wearing a shirt that says, I only go to nightclubs. I only go to nightclubs.

2:45:34You're always at Stingery. Every time I drive by there, I see you in the window. I'm just waving through the window. I'm like, hey. What's it? Well, it's coming in here and party. You wear those heels with the goldfish swimming around them. I'm like, weird. It's weird because when I wave at Woods, I spill my Cosmo because I'm waving at you. And it spills out of the Cosmo glass. Always at Stingery. Every time I call you, you're at Stingery. You're like, dude, can you go outside? I can't hear you. I can't hear you. It's so loud in there. It's so loud, the music. And I go, what? What? Is this Woods? Yeah. And then I just barely hear him say, just call me back when you're done at Stingaree. Yep. Partying. You guys know Cafe Sevilla? Yeah. They're closed till like the end of the year. They're moving in another place down in the gas lamp. It's going to be like they have this message that says that they're doing like full nightclub. They should. Cafe Sevilla, it's good. It's Spanish food and there's dancing. Woods, let me tell you. Okay, Woods is giving face. He's giving face. He's giving face. Of course he is. Okay, so Crush It says, we got to go to Sevilla. This was a year and a half ago. And I go, what is it? He goes, Spanish food. And I gave the face myself.

2:47:02I'm like, I don't, I'm real particular about Mexican food. I'm real particular about food. I know, right? And I said, and I go, I go, what is Spanish food? Like what? And he goes, and he said tapas. And I go, I go, what is that? A bunch of little food. Little food. I don't want it. Will you listen to me for a minute? No, I don't. You're trying to school me on something that I already know about. I know, but this isn't tapas. What I'm going to tell you about. It's not tapas. Fajitas? I want to jump over the tank. Do you just want to strangle him? Who doesn't? Really? It's no use. It's a use. I can't. Show me. Take me and show me. Here's what I'd have to do, though. I'd have to have you go to the bathroom while I order, because if you didn't, you'd be like, no, dude, I ain't gonna eat that. What is it? What is it? Maki, I ain't eating that. I always say ate. What is it? What do I look like? Some kind of idiot? Get with that Maki. G-I-T. I want Tex-Mex only. Only Tex-Mex. Maki. I want flour tortillas. I want onions grilled. Can I get a...

2:48:13Cheeseburger. What is it? What is it? What is it? What do you have to order that I have to go in the bathroom? If you ate it, you would not know what it was. Okay, what is it? Lamb. No, I don't eat lamb, dude. I don't eat lamb. You wouldn't know. I don't eat lamb. You wouldn't know. Because lamb is cute. Because I don't like it. It's gamey. And it's cute. It is cute. This isn't. Gross. It isn't. You like the weirdest stuff, bro. I'm telling you. Does he not? He does. Okay, my husband Todd, the pickiest eater, likes Italian food. That's about it. He likes Cafe Sevilla. No, I like it. Tapas, to me, I don't not like tapas. But it's like fondue. It's a pain in the butt. Like, I just want to eat a meal. I don't need a four-hour experience. I don't like fondue. Fondue? Is there a bigger beating than fondue? No. Four hours, you're like... Yeah, this is fun. I'm cooking my meat. I'm dipping it. This is great. I wanted to kill myself. I don't like fondue. I get it. What about like crab legs and stuff too? When I ate that, crab legs are great. But they're delicious. Cut my fingers. I don't want to go to a restaurant for an experience. You know why I go to a restaurant? To eat. I want to eat. You'll eat there. I want to eat. Listen. This lamb is marinated in honey. It's so...

2:49:38You got him a little bit there. Poor little lamb. I'm telling you, and what they do is they barbecue it. So it's like charbroiled. While it's still alive. It's like charbroiled, and it comes on a big spit. And it's got onions and mushrooms and stuff in there. Why? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I eat you because you don't taste bad. Why? Because you taste so good. But I'm so cute. And delicious. You taste so yummy. You're so good. Wait, I have a question, though. Didn't Jay make a lambskin jacket for his Viking costume? It was faux. You know that. It was faux. Gabby, call out. Do you like lamb? Do you like lamb, Hillary?

2:50:50probably only eaten lamb like four or five times in my life. That's a lot though. I've only had it once. If you get like a gyro. My stepmom likes to make lamb. That's true. Gyro. Gyro. Gyro. Gyro. No, that's who you go to once a year. That's a gyno. They do the past year. I'm not Greek. I'm from New Jersey. I like it okay, but I would not choose it off a menu. You wouldn't order lamb chop? No. I think I could eat lamb chops more than something like that with a stick through it. Dude, I'm telling you, it's perfect. I'll try a bite of yours, but I wouldn't order for myself. When are you guys going on this date? I know. They don't open up again. They don't open up again until, like, January. Wish I could quit you. I wish I knew how to quit you. Do you know that a couple guys being friends? Yeah. I mean, really close friends. If you're friends, if you're friends, you're gay, apparently. No, you guys, you guys are more than friends. Are we? Do we kiss? Friends are benefits. Friends are benefits. I'm not talking about, I'm not, I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about benefits.

2:51:56Woods, go to the bathroom and I'm going to order for us. You do go to the bathroom together like a couple of ladies. We like to talk. Talk. Lauren and I were sitting on our computers when Woods was standing outside and Mikey walked towards Woods and said, I need to go to the bathroom. What? Lauren, we looked at each other. Woods and I have the same thing. Woods and I have the same thing. I don't like being alone. I don't either. I like people around. I like to visit. No, Woods said, Mike, do you need to go to the bathroom? You're like, yeah. And he's like, let's go. Let's go. What's so weird about that? And Lauren and I were like, is that weird? Yes! I've done it to jail before. I've been like, hey, are you going in there? Because I'll go with you. And I don't need you to go with me. I want alone time in the bathroom. I don't. I don't either. I want to visit. We do bits in there. Yeah, we talk. We make jokes. I make fun of people in there. You can do that in here. What about when you put your hand on Maggie's leg yesterday during the meeting? That's weird. I just do it as a joke. How about where you caress my backside today? I do it to make you uncomfortable. That's what I live for. You guys know that. I live to make people uncomfortable. Yeah, I know. Didn't work. Saying the same thing about Oprah and her friend Gail because they went camping together. They did? I loved it. I Teva Oprah. I'll admit it. They did? Yes. They went to REI. So are they lesbians? No. Exactly. They're just friends. And would it matter if they were? No. That's what I'm saying. It'd be fine. Let's just add to that lesbian rumor.

2:53:23Lesbian rumors. No way. Come on in, baby. What? Good for them. That's funny. No, I mean, but people say because Mikey and I go to the bathroom together that we're gay. No, I didn't say you were gay. I didn't say you were gay. Right now, Mikey just gave a look, like, trying to laugh, but he was like, I'm so uncomfortable that you just said that. They don't say that we're gay because we go to the bathroom together. They say we're gay because we French kiss. Oh, yeah. They say we're bi. And that's fine. And that's okay. I know. No. I'm a married man. You guys are obviously not. We just give you a hard time, but you make it really easy for us to give you a hard time to be in a bromance. A bromance is something completely different. We are bromantic. Yes. We're brotastic. Brotastic. Love you, bro Namath. Love you, bro. Montana. Bro Montana. Bro DiMaggio. Bro DiMaggio. Hell, what do you got coming up? I grabbed the new one from Film School. It's one of our new recommended albums, so I'm going to play a different song off that than I've been playing the past couple days. English Beat, Nine Inch Nails, MGMT, even some Clash and Local Natives. There you go. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next, and we'll come back tomorrow morning, 6 o'clock. We'll do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out. Late.