The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/10/10
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Wednesday November 10, 2010
A missile contrail shot of the southern California coast that was denied by the military and is baffling experts just might be a jalapeño-eating Mexican. A stranded cruise ship will be towed to San Diego and the trapped guest get free shuffleboard while they wait. People in Del Mar heights don’t need to lock their doors at night. Mikey and Jay remember what it was like working the graveyard shift. The most unhealthy burgers list perks Obese Mikey’s interest. One of the last true American companies, Harley Davidson, is outsourcing their bikes to India and a hilarious new parody song is played! WoS has news on the Auburn/Cam Newton scandal and the SDSU basket brawlers. Places you should not give your social security number gets LOB worried. Sienna had the scariest thing happen to baby Sage’s new social security card and wonders what to do about it. Madonna sticks her foot in her mouth again. Ding Dong Sing Along has a song from a girl band whose lead singer more than mesmerized both Woodsy and I growing up. Thanksgiving food comes early to the studio as the gang prepares to feast. Eskimo Bluewaters comes in reeking of cig smoke and hippy oil but she doesn’t mind being compared to Brett Michaels. With her harpist in tow, EBW jams more Popera tunes making the Beatles wish they had used a harp on “Hey Jude”. How many times do you skip a shower during a week? The cast’s answers may surprise you. A female(can’t emphasize that enough) M1 calls in saying she only showers three times a week and a grossed out Mikey and Woods grill her with questions. This “debate” continues for awhile. Lauren insists she is not skinny and creeper Jay agrees for creeper reasons. LOB and Sienna reveal they only shower at night and this gets Woods to sniff Lauren. Hoyle claims he discovered blowhard Keith Olberman and Howard Stern and gets upset when his recorded jam won’t play. Text crazy teens apparently love slaying, smoking, drugging, boozing, and fighting. Hey hoser, will you tune in for the Canadian version of the Jersey Shore, Eh? A dude claims to have lost 27 lbs. on a Twinkie diet and Woods is all in. Luke’s call to humiliate Mikey ends up backfiring on the little rascal. Adam Sandler lavishing his co-stars with expensive gifts leads to a barrage of cologne-making Mikey jokes! Olde Time Radio visits the original “The View” starring Maude, the hipster hottie of 1928. LOB rattles off the alphabet backwards in a mere few seconds. Woodsy remembers his first trip in the back of a cop car at age twelve.
Bumper Music
| 1. Going Down by Freddie King |  |
| 2. New Fang by Them Crooked Vultures | |
| 3. Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand | |
| 4. Red Star by Third Eye Blind | |
| 5. Best Of You by Foo Fighters | |
| 6. Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) by Deftones | |
| 7. Roadhouse Blues by The Doors | |
| 8. Hysteria by Def Leppard | |
| 9. I Got Mine by The Black Keys | |
| 10. Dear John by Taylor Swift | |
| 11. Missing You by John Waite | |
| 12. Bye Bye Love by The Cars | |
| 13. More Than A Feeling by Boston | |
| 14. Love Removal Machine by The Cult | |
Facebook admin issueEskimo Blue Waters performanceHoyle Touch My Body coverWord of the day boxersVapor trail mysteryAdrian Mique McDonald’s rapDelmar Heights safest neighborhoodCam Newton pay‑for‑play allegationsHarley‑Davidson India outsourcingMadonna Holocaust comparisonSocial security number risksSienna baby SS card incident
Mikey interviewed Eskimo Blue Waters about her fringe‑laden outfit, avocado ice cream, and upcoming ‘papara’ performance. The show aired a clip of station manager Hoyle attempting a cover of Mariah Carey’s ‘Touch My Body’ and ran a word‑of‑the‑day ‘boxers’ contest that awarded tickets and sunglasses to a caller. They examined the mysterious California vapor trail, highlighted Adrian Mique’s McDonald’s sauce‑rapping drive‑thru, and named Delmar Heights the safest U.S. neighborhood. The program covered the Cam Newton pay‑for‑play allegations, Harley‑Davidson’s India outsourcing, Sienna’s opened baby Social Security card, and announced the Holiday Hootenanny lineup for Dec. 11.
What happened, in order
Eskimo Blue Waters Intro
Mikey introduces Eskimo Blue Waters, describing her fringe‑filled outfit, avocado ice cream, and upcoming ‘papara’ performance.
Hoyle’s Touch My Body Cover
The show plays a clip of station manager Hoyle attempting a cover of Mariah Carey’s ‘Touch My Body,’ noting it’s stuck in his head.
Word of the Day: Boxers Prize
Mikey announces the word of the day ‘boxers’ and awards a caller four‑pack tickets to Snow Jam, an anniversary bash, and Anarchy or Angel sunglasses.
Mysterious Vapor Trail
They discuss the unexplained vapor trail over Southern California, citing Pentagon and FAA statements and alien speculation.
Adrian Mique McDonald’s Rap
Adrian Mique’s drive‑thru McDonald’s sauce‑rapping video is highlighted, noting his YouTube fame and the hosts’ desire to hear it.
Delmar Heights Safest Neighborhood
Delmar Heights is revealed as the safest U.S. neighborhood, 80% safer than average, according to NeighborhoodScout.
Cam Newton Smear Campaign
The program details the ESPN smear campaign against Auburn quarterback Cam Newton, alleging a pay‑for‑play scheme involving his father Cecil.
Harley‑Davidson India Outsourcing
Harley‑Davidson’s plan to outsource motorcycle assembly to India and remake ‘Born to Be Wild’ with an Indian voice is explained.
Sienna’s Baby SS Card Incident
Sienna shares that her newborn’s Social Security card arrived opened, taped, and marked ‘wrong address,’ prompting fraud concerns.
Holiday Hootenanny Lineup
Mikey and Hillary announce the Holiday Hootenanny lineup featuring Tokyo Police Club, Sleigh Bells, The Temper Trap, Against Me, and The Black Keys for Dec. 11 at UC San Diego.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLaurenSiennaJayChrisEskimo Blue WatersJudy DoucheAdrian MiqueHoyleCam NewtonCecil NewtonGene ChazikBrett Michaels
28,907 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened, but it used to be that on the Mikey Show fan page, which everybody should be on, on Facebook, it used to be that when I would post things, it would come up as the fan book administrator. Now it doesn't. I can't figure out Facebook. Can anybody figure out Facebook? Yeah. I don't know Facebook, man. You're terrible at it. I am. I'm like the worst. There needs to be a... I'll help you. I want Zuckerberg to personally come over to my house. The CEO of Facebook to personally come over to my house and show me. I don't make house calls. You don't? No. Why? Because I'm better than you. I know you are, and I agree with that fact that you are. Thank you. Maybe it's just one time you come over and you help me out. You know what your problem is? What? You got rid of your page. Yeah. It's jacked you up. 570-194-9 is our number. And 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us by text.
I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy, and he's 35 years of age. Lauren's the blonde girl. She is the only blonde girl on the program. She's 29. She's our assistant producer. I would call Sienna auburned hair, but she says it's strawberry, right? I say auburn. It's auburn. I think it's auburn. Jay is our producer. And he's 47. And our phone screener is 21 years old. And his name is Chris. It's Chris. So give us a call. Say hi to us. 570-1949 is the number. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. It means you belong to M1 Nation. M1 Nation is growing by leaps and bounds. It is a culture. It is a Mikey Show culture. The Be Different wristbands are becoming a part of it. It is blowing up. The latest person to be wearing the Be Different wristband, Ryan Matthews, number 24, San Diego Chargers. Nice. Love that. Latest Mikey Show guy to join on to that train. Also, Sonny from POD, Heath Bell from the Padres, soon to be Brian Head Welch. Nice. Yeah.
So we're getting this thing dialed in. And so much going on. Oh my gosh. We have such a full show today. It's incredible how much stuff we have to try to get into this show. First of all, Eskimo Blue Waters. Local musician. Her real name is Judy Douche. Although she says that it's pronounced Judy Douche. And that I'm saying it wrong. It's like Sade. Yeah. It's spelled Sade. Yeah. But she pronounces it Sade. Sade. Right. Well, Eskimo Blue Waters is coming in this morning at 7.30 promptly. She gets a little irritated that I don't get her in here on time. I already saw her. Where is she? She's here. She's in the hall. Okay. Is she rocking the cowboy hat? Oh, you should see her. She's got fringe. Fringe. Lots of layers. Oh, yeah. She does it up. Bracelets, the whole bit. Oh, yeah. Listen, she can't hear me right now. Right. She's talentless. What did you say? Don't say that, Mike. She is talentless. Talentless. Talentless. Yeah, but she sure is persistent. She's very persistent. That'll get you far in this town. I thought her ice cream was good. No. Jay, it was horrific. It was avocados. It was avocado ice cream. I liked it. You liked it? A little bit. She's tried everything. What's next? Ventriloquism, singing. She's tried it all.
She's no louse. Yeah. She doesn't, yeah, I mean, at least she doesn't sit around and expect things to get handed to her, but she needs to focus her energies into one avenue, you know? Yeah. Maybe pick up the guitar and just keep practicing. Well, today she's coming in and she's going to show us more about this thing that she's come up with called papara. And so she's going to, you know, do a song. And we'll find out why it's called papara. Also, don't forget 10 o'clock, The Mikey Show and Hillary. will be giving the lineup for the Holiday Hootenanny. And it's going to be good. Don't miss this. You're going to like it. And then at 8.30 this morning, Hoyle was caught. Hoyle was caught singing Touch My Body. It's a Mariah Carey song, but it was made famous by this guy. Absolutely. I've never heard it by Mariah. Yeah, I hadn't either. And Sienna, you can tell me all day long that Mariah Carey made it famous. I'm telling you, to me, this guy made it famous. A thousand percent. I like his version. You can believe what you want to believe. I like his version. It's been in my head for a week.
And I can't get it out of my head. I can't. I go to sleep with it. Let me tell you something. I'll be praying in the morning. I'm trying to spend time with my God, with the Lord, okay? And in my head I hear, I know, and I have to be like, listen. I'm trying to talk to you, Lord, but I got this song in my head. I got asbestos flagon in my head. I have asbestos flagon. And then all of a sudden you hear him humming along too. Yeah, exactly. God's like, hey, he'd be a big fan. See, I wasn't here when you guys played that, but I'd heard that a while ago, and I already ran its course. It was in my head for like a month, and now it's back. Yeah. Thanks a lot. I can't get rid of it. I lay in bed on my back, and I stare at the ceiling, and I hear, as best as flagon I do, I do. And I lay there, and I'm like, please shut up. Please shut up. Let me go to sleep. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, we've got a few things to talk to you about. First of all, word of the day is boxers. And so when you hear me use the word boxers between now and 10 a.m., let's see. Man, it's going to be a pretty nice little prize for you. First of all, four packet tickets to Snow Jam and Snowboard Expo, FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash tickets, and... A pair of anarchy or angel sunglasses, depending on if you're a guy or a girl. Yeah. That's a package. Quite a package. Quite a package. Thanks. Certainly. You guys. I know it. We are really, really something else. There's a few things going on. And again, call us. I am sick of this deal of the phones not ringing. If it's because you're afraid of any of us. particularly me, I want to tell you that I am going to gently kiss you and caress you on the phone. Wow. Because we know. Maybe I called in. Please don't. We know that you're there. You can call at this time and talk about anything you want, M1s. It's completely open to you. The phone lines are completely open to you, 570-1949. There was a mystery vapor trail in the skies over California. Yes. And it's pretty much stumping.
The Pentagon. Everyone. Yeah. Are you playing something? Okay. I didn't know if you had audio or not. Yeah, the Pentagon announced yesterday. They have no idea what caused this vapor trail off the coast of Southern California right near us. And it looked kind of like a missile launch. That's what it looked like. So people were like, who launched this missile? Where did it come from? Was it a missile? Was it a plane? What was it? No one knows. It's also known as a contrail. In the daytime? Yeah, no one knows. Everyone has different theories. The FAA... Double A? FAA. FAA, okay. FAA. I mean, why not? The FAA. The FAA. The FAA. FAA. They said radar showed that there were no fast-moving, unidentified sightings. There were no pilots reporting unusual sightings. Some experts say that there's a simple explanation that it was just a contrail left by a plane, but other people are like, well, where was the plane that would leave that kind of a contrail? Some people think it's an optical illusion. I mean, everyone's just freaking out about this. Yeah. It's probably aliens.
Yeah, it probably is. There was no foreign military missile launching detected, you know, because that was a question in everyone's mind as well. It was mostly seen over a town in San Diego called Chula Vista in the beginning. People wondered what could it be. Could it be some mystery satellite that maybe got lost as it was orbiting the Earth? Many thought so in the beginning until they... discovered that what it actually was was a Chula Vistan Mexican. Chula Vistan. Who was eating a jalapeno popper that was indeed so hot, shot him right into outer space. Or did it. Freak you out that there may be missiles being launched around San Diego. Yeah. I know. Pendleton's pretty close. I know it. There was a carnival cruise ship that was out at sea.
And a fire started or something? Yeah, there was a fire on Monday, and no one was injured. You know, a couple people suffered from a panic attack, but what happened was yesterday they had to send out a few U.S. military ships, including the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan, out to the ship to help them bring them food and stuff because they're stranded 150 nautical miles south of San Diego. There's nearly 4,500 people aboard. Oh, wow. You know, and there's things that aren't working. Like, they needed to bring, people brought Pop-Tarts and Spain. and stuff like that because, you know, the refrigerator is not working, the power supply is off. Yeah. And so it's going to take until about Thursday night, tomorrow night, to bring everyone and to tow the ship to land. I would be, yeah, I'd be going out of my mind. Yes. Yeah. What a beating. Get me home, get me home, get me home, get me home. The toilets do work, if you're wondering. Oh, good. Yeah. 5701949, M1 Commuter from Temecula. What up? Good morning, everyone. How you doing? Fine, you know, just got... Hey, dude, since you are a part of M1 Nation, tell everybody what an M1 is. Right on. You got it. You got it. And if you hang on the line, we will give you a prize just for knowing that, all right? You got it. Hang on the line. Okay, so there is a McDonald's here in San Diego.
That is becoming well known because one of the people that works there is rapping. He is so great. He is rapping now. This guy is, people are going just to hear him, just to visit him, just to hear his rap. Because it all started, he said, people would always ask, what kind of sauces do you have? And they have like 10 to 12 sauces. So it somehow turned into a rap of him listing off all the sauces. And then it just continued. So this guy, his name is Adrian Mique. And he works on the McDonald's on Nobel Drive in University City. Some may call it La Jolla Village. I would beg to differ. So, you know. And this is what his rapping sounds like. So what does he do? He goes... He's 20 years old and he does the drive-thru. So people pull up, they ask about stuff, and he just raps back. I wish I had audio, but I'm sure we could find some. It was on the news. We'll just go there. We'll probably be there anyway, you and I.
Well, for sure. We'll just grab audio next time we're feasting. They know you there. Don't know if you haven't heard it. It's the one just right off the five, no bell, right there. Done. Hi, Woods. Hi, Mike. The usual. So he goes, you want a big Macca number one and da-da-da-da-da. As he does that? I don't know. I got to hear it. It started with sauces. I need to hear it, too. I'm going to look for some audio. Yeah. Someone has to have it. It was all over the news. Yeah, and we'll go there and we'll check it out. Yes. Let's see. What else is going on? Oh, one neighborhood in San Diego has been declared the safest neighborhood in San Diego. In San Diego.
Yes, and actually they're saying that this particular neighborhood is 80% safer than any U.S. neighborhood. Really? And it's right here in San Diego. It was done by a website called NeighborhoodScout.com, and they basically just used statistics to break down cities based on potential homebuyers' preference, public schools, crime rates, you know, stuff like that. Fairbanks Ranch. No. Rancho Santa Fe. No. La Jolla? No. Carmel Mountain, is that a town? Yeah. Nope. Encinitas. Nope. Cardiff by the sea. No, you guys are close. Delmar. Delmar Heights. Delmar Heights? Yeah. Oh, wow. I know. Congratulations. Delmar Heights is 80% safer than any U.S. neighborhood. Wow. Really? Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Yeah. And the safest neighborhood in San Diego County. Really? Tell you what I don't like about that area is in the summertime, there's snakes.
Really? Rattlesnakes. What? Where? In Del Mar? In Del Mar Heights. Yeah. There is. Why? How do you know? Because I used to live... You do a lot of hiking over there? Yes. There's snakes everywhere. They are. But I remember that a few years back, especially after the fires... You know, they were coming out. Something that you may want to know is in Delmar Heights, your chance of becoming a victim is 1 in 185. Wow. 1 in 185, yeah. Oh, wow. I know. M1 Bear is driving around right now on the freeway and listening to the Mikey Show. What's going on, dude? What's up, party people? We're just having fun, man. The last two and a half months, I've actually been working nights, and this is my first day back on, you know, driving. Hearing you guys in the morning, I just want to say thanks. I really appreciate you guys and everything you do. You got it, dude. Thank you. You're welcome. It's definitely an awesome way to start my morning. So they switched you from working the overnight to working early mornings? Yeah, I'm in the military, so they're always changing our schedule up. How long will you work a schedule before they go? All right, here's something new. I almost get hit by a car. Oh, wow. About three months. Oh, yeah? Yeah, but it's always constant.
Got to be able to adapt and overcome. Wow. Are you on foot right now? What's that? Are you on foot? No, I'm on the freeway right now. Be careful. Right on, dude. Thanks for calling. All right, guys. Have a good day. All right. We'll see you. Overnights was the worst shift I ever worked in my life. Oh, yeah. Really? You too, Jay? Oh, gosh. When did you get in? I got there at 11.45 p.m. Mm-hmm. And worked from midnight to 6. Yep. And then what do you do after that? Math and cocaine. Math and cocaine. Nice. Yeah, that's what I did back in the day. I don't do that anymore. To stay awake? I was just awful. I was 18 years old and just running with the wrong crowd. I ate Butterfingers and cans of Coke. Just drink, drink, Coke, Coke, Coke. And then I'd work from six to one that day. I was just done. Yep. I remember when I did it, it was when Jolt Cola first came out. Oh, yeah. It made my heart beat like a little bunny rabbit. It tasted like dirt. No, it was awful. It tasted like dirt. Do you remember Jolt, Tiana?
No. It was double the caffeine. I saw it. It had like a lightning bolt on it. Yeah. Double the caffeine, double the sugar. We would take Vicodin to stay. Not Vicodin. Viverin. Viverin, that's it. Viverin. And drink Jolt Cola. We did that in like middle school. I did that. Middle school? Yeah. I did it in middle school. In middle school? Yeah, we used to take Viverin, drink Jolt, go play baseball. Yeah, we did too. Well, not play baseball. We don't recommend anyone doing that. No. Don't take anything. I was like. And my heart was like... You were 12? I loved it. Get out. We were still eating baby aspirin at that point. My biggest memory from working overnights, by the way, was getting in trouble for peeing with the door open. I think you've told this before. I've heard this. This is great. Yeah. What happened? I didn't think anybody was there. And who yelled at you? Nobody yelled at me, but I got in trouble from my boss. Because I guess the... lady that came in for news came in at like 2.33 in the morning. I didn't know. I didn't think she got there until 5 or whatever. And so I would go pee-pee and I'd leave the door open. So she's walking by and there's Mikey peeing. Yeah, going pee-pee. And she went to my boss and said, can you tell him to close the door? I was humiliated. If I were her, I would have walked by while the door was open and gone, morning!
Oh, my gosh. I would have been scarred for life. I would have like slammed a door or something down the hall. Yeah. You know, something. With a little ditty. Yeah. Yeah. She had to see me and my size 46 boxers as she walked by the door. Oh, my gosh. Hi, can you tell the little brown obese guy that is here before I get here to please shut the door? while he does his business. Mikey, can you step in my office for a second? Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to talk with you. I just want to know, what's your problem? What do you mean? You don't urinate with the door open. Not in this country. I don't. Yeah, you do. I do? Kim that comes in and does the news walks by and hears you and sees you urinating every morning. I'm going to need you to shut the door like a human being would do. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yes. That really happened? Yeah, that really happened. Oh, no. Maybe you grow up, pretend like you're at your home, living with family. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Gotta pee today. It's the worst. Do you want to know what the most unhealthy burgers in America are? The most. Now, I guarantee you, they're in my repertoire. 100%. I know. I mean, before we even start.
me and Woods know, we probably like them and probably eat them on a regular basis. What do you got, Sienna? Well, Burger King's New York Pizza Burger. Oh, wow. Never heard of that. No. What's in it? Sounds delicious. It has, I don't know if it says what's in it. Let me... I don't think it says, but it just says it's 2,500 calories. Holy cow. That's a daily intake. More than. Yeah, that's a daily intake. Holy cow. Probably less. Yeah, chicks are probably supposed to eat less calories than that. 144 grams of fat. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, it doesn't say what's in it. Have you ever gone to Ruby Tuesdays? Yes. Hell yeah. Their Smokehouse Burger. Delicious. Over 1,200 calories. Oh, weird. 73 grams of fat. That's a lot. I know. It's a lot. It tastes good, though. It's not 2,500. It tastes real good. It tastes great. It tastes real good. Sometimes I would order two of them, but I would have to order two Cokes because I wanted the person at the drive-thru to believe that I was ordering for two people. And then I would eat both hamburgers. And drink both Cokes? Yeah, I would pull up to the window and I would go, oh, my girlfriend wanted.
They knew you were lying. They knew. My girlfriend. They knew. We've all been to the Cheesecake Factory. Oh, mama. Their classic burger. Doesn't sound bad, right? No, it sounds classic. It's classic. Over 1,400 calories. Oh, man. Wow. I know. And you know, the thing about that joint is you can't go there and not get cheesecake. So add on whatever to what you're eating. You're not going to the Cheesecake Factory without getting cheesecake. That is the best cheesecake. Ever. Yeah, it is. It's so good. It's where the factory is. It's where they make it. Where they're manufactured. M1, Andrew from Tierra Santa. What was the word of the day? Bikes. That's right. It was boxers. It's probably the earliest we've ever thrown out the word of the day. I was like, what? We need to do it for the early birds. I know. We've got to do it for you early folks. And what you just won yourself is a four-pack. of tickets to the Snow Jam and Snowboard Expo, which means that you get lift tickets as well. You get to go to the FM 94.9 8th Anniversary Bash this Saturday night. And you got yourself a pair of Anarchy sunglasses, bro. Killer. How about that? Awesome. Hang in the line. Yeah, you got it. Hang in the line, dude.
Hang on a line. So can I tell you the equivalent of this Cheesecake Factory classic burger? Please. It's the same as eating seven glazed donuts from Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, that sounds good. I know. Are you kidding me? Yeah. It's crazy. Oh my gosh. The worst one, that Burger King's New York pizza burger, it's the same as eating... Over seven orders of medium fries for McDonald's. Holy cow. My eyes are as big as sausage. I should eat seven orders of fries. Oh, easy. I love it. I love them. L.O.B. said that her thing that she can throw down is fries. My wife, too. They're so good. McDonald's fries? There's none better. Fries and pizza. Those would be two things that if you told me I had to be the healthiest person in the world, I still couldn't give those up. Fries and pizza? Yeah. What's your favorite fry? I think McDonald's. Oh, yeah. Why are they so? Who would not say McDonald's? They're salty. They're delicious. They're piping hot. Oh, they're so good. Can I give you the last worst burger in America really quick? Please. It's TGI Friday's Jack Daniels Burger. Over 1,500 calories. It's the same as eating 30 Oreos. Oh. Wow. I can do that, too. Yum. Dunked in milk. So, Woodsy's going to tell you about this when we come back in Woods on Sports. Cam Newton.
is the starting quarterback for the Auburn, what do they call it? Auburn what? The Auburn Tigers. Auburn Tigers. There's a smear campaign going on against this kid. Sounds like it. Maybe. And ESPN is reporting some stuff about him right now on their website, and it's serious. And so we'll tell you what it is. And also, did you know that Harley Davidson is going to be outsourcing? We'll tell you. Harley Davidson. It's the most American company in the world. Although, then again, Budweiser is not an American company anymore. That's right. It's not. And so Harley Davidson is outsourcing. We'll tell you where they're outsourcing to. And we figured that since they're outsourcing to this country, we should redo the song Born to be Wild and do it with the voice of that new country. And so we'll do that next. Cam Newton, starting quarterback for the Auburn Tigers. Is this guy... Up to no good. Is he as bad as they say? Is what's being reported on ESPN.com true? Is there a smear campaign going on against this kid? Woods is going to tell you all about it in Woods on Sports. Eskimo Blue Waters coming up at 730. It's going to be unusual. That's all I'm telling you. As usual. That's right. And we're going to tell you about the holiday hootenanny at 10 o'clock. And Hoyle, our station manager.
was caught recording his version of Mariah Carey's Touch My Body that's been made famous, by the way. What a program we've got for you today, ladies and gentlemen. Holy cow. Hoyle was singing this. Have you guys heard the actual Mariah Carey version? Yes, we played it on Friday. It's creepy. It's creepier than this. Give me a little asbestos flagon. Oh, my gosh. That's the greatest. So, yeah, Harley Davidson is going to be outsourcing their bikes to where, Sienna? India. India. What? Yeah. They're going to be building their second assembly plant ever outside the U.S., and it's going to be in India because they're trying to expand its brand.
internationally from 30 to 40%. Is that why they're doing it or are they doing it for cheap labor? I mean, it's pretty cheap. Yeah. It's pretty cheap. American made. Yeah. Harley. Is it American? Amazing! Many times! That you never, never want to die. Born to be wild. Born to be wild. Hey, you know what I was just thinking. Maybe we can go together a motorcycle game.
Vishnu's angels. We will be so very tough looking wearing our flip-flops and our Kota shorts and cruising across India. We will be very, very tough. That's what happens, man. I cannot wait. You outsource, that's what's going to happen. That's the bottom line. Can't do anything about it. 570-1949 is our number. And why is my screen frozen? Why is my screen frozen? You're doing something you shouldn't be doing. I don't know what's going on. There. There it goes. That was weird. So weird. So very, very weird. Woods! Woods, Woods! Yeah! Woods, Woods, Woods! Woods on Sports! Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, let's get right into the Cam Newton story because it is pretty big. There are two sources that recruit for Mississippi State. a rival college of Auburn, that said that Cecil Newton, who is Cam's father, and Cam had admitted in separate phone conversations that a pay-for-play plan was what they were asking for when he transferred from the very small Blinn College to Auburn. So Mississippi State was recruiting him. They went after him. Allegedly, the father said, it's going to take a lot more than a scholarship to get Cam to Mississippi State. Really? Yeah. Like money? Like money.
And then Cam called the recruiter tearfully, was like, man, I really like Mississippi State. I want to come. But my father picked Auburn because, quote, the money was just too much there. Oh, wow. Yeah, man. So this kid, by all accounts, is a pretty good kid. He's been in some trouble. Allegedly stole a laptop at the University of Florida. He was Tebow's backup, okay? And he got kicked out of Florida, went to Blinn. Now he's at Auburn. They're undefeated. Allegedly ripped off or did he rip off a laptop? He says that he bought it from a guy on the street that had stolen it. Cops came into his dorm room to investigate. He threw it out the window. How would he have known that it was stolen? He didn't. He says he didn't know it was stolen, but he said he should have known better because he bought it off a guy on the street. He had to have known if he's going to throw it out the window like that. And they said that he is the one that stole it from. this fraternity house or whatever. It doesn't sound good. But, you know, apparently Gene Chazik, who's the coach of Auburn, said, listen, this is a good kid. He's made some mistakes in the past, but, I mean, he's a model citizen, a model student now. Also, earlier in the week, allegations coming out of the University of Florida that when he was there, he cheated three times and got in trouble for it. Really? And so all this stuff's coming out now as they are undefeated, and he is the number one Heisman contender right now.
It just, it all, it's all coming out right now. So, you know, I don't know what to think. I don't know what to think. But sometimes in cases like this where there's smoke, there's fire. You know, the father is saying, hey, I'm not going to talk about it. I'm not going to confirm or deny anything that's been taking place. We're going to know. We're going to know because one way or another, you're going to investigate and we're going to know. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll definitely be keeping our eye on that story. Also, the Chargers practiced yesterday. Norv gave a lot of guys. The day off to kind of relax. Guys have been taking a ton of snaps. A lot of the linemen got, you know, they didn't have to practice. So they're gearing up. They got a bye week this week. They're gearing up for their first divisional win. They are 0-2 in the division. They're taking on the Broncos next Monday night, the 22nd. Yeah, Broncos are 2-6. Got to win this game. Get us back to 500. Us, listen to me. I'm all the way in. I'm all the way in. But Phillip Rivers is talking about their time off. Cut one. Well, I think considering our start, we certainly have given ourselves a chance now, at least as we head into the last seven, you know, to have a chance. And, yeah, I think with the start we've had, that's all you can ask for. But certainly that win-one-game approach has served us well the last two weeks. And I think if we just stick to that, because, again, we can't control what those teams ahead of us do other than when we do play them. But we've got to just keep winning one game.
because losing five already at this point has put ourselves in a position where we don't have much wiggle room. You know what? More importantly than all that, he's playing, and that's what matters. Phillip Rivers is going to be on the field. We got a chance every single time he's on the field. Well, and they are coming out fresh. They're going to be rested. They got to knock those guys out, man, the Broncos, and just put them further down in the division. And you got to win games in your division. I mean, in the division right now, in the AFC West, Chiefs are 5-3, 1-1 in the division. The Raiders are 5-4, 3-0 in the division. So, I mean, now's crunch time, second half of the season. And the Raiders are better, and they've got to know that. And so it's going to be tough. Even though we're top ranked. Yeah, top ranked in everything. In everything. I've got to update this story again, which I didn't think I would have to today, but I do. The San Diego State basketball team, this guy that some of the players allegedly jumped, Jeffrey Lano, has changed his mind again. Wait a minute. First, he said that these basketball players from SDSU jumped him. And he was going to press charges. He was going to press charges. It happened at Stinger E. Then yesterday it came out that he was not going to press charges. Correct. And today it's coming out. He's changed his mind again. And yes, he does want to prosecute, said San Diego spokesman Gary Hassan. So, yeah, they're going to be investigating these guys for misdemeanor battery. I think he was being threatened. It's back on. Really? I think someone, I don't know.
The basketball players, but someone was like sending him little notes like you better not or calling him or something. Well, if that's true, though, if that's true, L.O.B., then why is he pressing charges? Because he's like, you know what? I'm not going to be scared of them. I'm going to do what's right. So first he was like, all right, you scared me and I'm not. And then he was like, you know what, man? Yeah. I'll take you on. That's my theory. That's only one humble, humble opinion. All right. I can't wait to see what happens in this thing. This guy is, he's flip-flopping like John Kerry. Do they have a picture of him? No, there's no picture of him in here. I wonder how bad the fight was. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, he had minor injuries. It's the principle of it, man. It's a bar fight. I mean, things happen sometimes. I heard it was a tickle fight. A tickle fight. Could have been a pillow fight. Yeah, I heard it was a tickle fight. Oh, my God. The AL, the American League.
yesterday announced their gold glove winner. So I'm going to rip through those for you real quick. Ichiro Suzuki won his 10th straight gold glove. Mark Burley, the pitcher, won for the White Sox. Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, and Robinson Cano of the Yankees all won gold gloves. Evan Longoria from the Rays and Carl Crawford from the Rays won gold gloves, as did Joe Maurer, the catcher for the Twins, and Seattle outfielder Franklin Gutierrez. Go ahead, go ahead. Oh, and then finally, the Los Angeles Lakers are off to a huge, huge start. They are 8-0. And last night, they went to overtime against the T-Wolves. Here's Kobe talking about it. It sounds like he's calling from a cell phone. Cut to. Just on a speakerphone. Yeah, he's on a speakerphone. That's Woods on Sports. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call for any reason. Brett Michaels, did you know that Brett Michaels, that the word on the street was that Brett Michaels... was having an affair with Miley Cyrus' mom. I'd heard that. Tish. Tish. Just a tish. Beautiful woman. He had to have a little tish. And they asked him about it. He was doing an interview. They asked him about it. We have to ask you about something that's in the papers right now. There are some allegations. By the way, this is him on Fox and Friends. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. You were involved with Miley Cyrus' mom having an affair with Trish.
Tish, rather. Tish would be good to get her name right. And the question is, did I or didn't I? That's the question. The answer is no. That's him at least, you know, giving his take on it. He's saying he didn't. Every rose has its thorn, Mike. That's a good point. I don't know if they were doing Unskinny Bop. I mean, that's up to them. They can tell. He really doesn't need nothing but a good time. Yeah. You know, he's kind of a fallen angel now. I think he's proven it. And I think he's proven it. Yeah. And I was going to say Uncle Tom's Cabin, but that's not. That's warrant, pal. Come on. It doesn't matter with me. Kid Rock and Miley Cyrus did a song together. That's why, how they met, people are saying. And I don't think it happened. They're getting a divorce, the mom and Miley's mom and Billy Ray Cyrus because she finally found out about Achy Breaky Heart. She's like, that was you? I'm out. I thought I told you, mate. No, you didn't. I thought I did. That was you? Yeah, it was me. I thought I told you. I'm out. Ten riskiest places that you should not. Well, I'm not even going to give you ten. I'm going to give you some of the riskiest places to be using your social security number.
Apparently, you should not be using yourself. If my dad is listening, Dad, don't freak out. I'm already freaked out. There's some surprising places, though, on that list. Please don't be the doctor's office. I've been filling out so much paperwork, and every time I write it, I'm like, oh, this is just sitting in a file somewhere. Well, LOB, one of the places is hospitals. They say that one of the places is hospitals. What are you supposed to do? Well, they were ranked based on the number of... Data breaches. Perfect. Involving social security numbers. Now, this was a study that they did between January of 2009 and October of this year. Now, the thing that is the preakiest about it is that you've got to disclose your social security number if you want to get services in a lot of these places. Yeah, of course. You have to. But some of the other places that they say that are just... kind of dangerous to use your social security number universities and colleges banking and financial institutions now now hang on a second i'm gonna wait wait wait before everybody freaks out i want to point this out you know how they say you know how there was a deal where and there still is a deal where does do vaccines cause autism right right well one of the things that you have to take into consideration is that everybody's getting vaccines you know what i mean
And so it's kind of, you know what I mean? It's kind of like air causes... Deformities. Yeah. It's like, well, everybody's breathing air. Right. You know what I mean? And so if you're going to universities and colleges, banking institutions, hospitals, you've got to use your social security number. Yeah, you've got to hope it's not going to get pilfered, man. But that's one of the things that they're like, well, yeah, everybody's using them there. Let's see. Nonprofit, technology companies, health insurers and medical offices. Well, duh. You've got to use your Social Security card and all of those things. You know, Jay and I, we were in L.A. last week. We went to audition for the TV show Wipeout. And they gave us this pretty much King James Bible stack of... paperwork to fill out. And I look at that clown's paperwork in there and he drew a line through all the Social Security. He wouldn't put it down. Why, Jay? Because I don't want them to have it. What are they going to do with it? They need it. What if they don't call now because you didn't put it on there? Here's the deal. You don't have to give it to them until they are going to do some exchange of funds. Then they can have it. Until I win, no, you don't get my Social Security number. I like that. What if they are going to use your Social Security number to check and see if you have a criminal back.
That's what they're doing, pal. Make a phone call. They can do that with your ID. Yeah, they don't need your social security number. Really? I get my driver's license number. Yeah. And that's what they need to check. They don't need my social security number. Can I tell you something? Do what you're told. Really scary that just happened. What's that? We got my new baby Sage's social security card in the mail. And the envelope which it came in was ripped open. taped, sealed, someone circled where our address was and says, this was delivered to the wrong address. What? And it came to our house like that. Her social security card was in there. It's... taped, someone ripped the envelope open, and it's so obvious that it's from the Social Security, you know, Social Security, and it's just like, well, what do you do? That's a federal offense. Yeah, yes, and it looked like the person who did it knew what they were doing to circle it, do an arrow, say this was delivered. I mean, it almost makes me, I don't even want to say it. Anything that's delivered? Sienna, Sienna.
You got to do something. I did on the back of the card. It says, you know, if you're worried about fraud, call this number. So I did. And I said, look, I want a new social security number. This is ridiculous. I don't want my child. You know, someone obviously has it. And right. Well, you can't get a new social security number. That just doesn't happen. Perfect. Yeah. Somebody could be opening a credit card. All I could do was file for fraud, which they did. You know, I filed a complaint and and that's it. I'm sure it was just a neighbor who accidentally opened it up. I do not. It doesn't matter. I don't believe that either. And my husband is furious. Oh, yeah. You know, and it's like, really, this is it? There's nothing I can do? Because I've done that. I've opened the neighbor's mail. Like, they put it in your mailbox by accident, and you're just going through, zipping through, not really looking. I've never done that. And if it's delivered in your mailbox, you can open it. But if it's something as serious as that, I would want my neighbor to walk it over and at least say, look, it was me that did it. Yeah. Maybe it was a porn neighbor. I don't know. That's creepy neighbor. Sienna has a neighbor that watches dirty stuff on their...
big screen and leaves the window open. It's disgusting. 70-something. Yeah. So I don't know what to do. And it's like, well, do I go to the Social Security office and wait in a whole day's line and do something for them to just tell me, sorry, there's nothing you can do? Yeah, if they can't give you a new number, what can you do? But why is that even coming in the mail in a regular envelope? Yeah, that says Social Security office. Everybody knows what it is. I mean, it's so obvious. And so I'm just like, what do I do? This is why I want a P.O. box. Yeah. And Sienna, they wrote on the outside of the envelope. Yeah, they circled where you could see my address, like through that clear window on the envelope. And they just said, deliver to wrong address. And there was an aero drone like right on the envelope. And it was taped with scotch tape, sealed. And you could see the rip marks on the top of the envelope. All right, so we are supposed to believe this then, if that's what really happened, that they did it. put scotch tape on it, wrote that, and then popped it back in a mailbox? Yeah. Why would they write on the stuff on the inside? But then anyone who had their hands on the outside of the envelope, anyone who had their hands on that envelope after that was done could have easily just peeled the tape open. No one knows. Retaped it, whatever. Exactly, retaped it. It's already been opened, so who knows how many people have seen it. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm still so scared. If that's ever happened to anybody, I want to know. And what do I do? 570-1949. And what did you do? And has that ever happened?
You're right they should have hand-delivered it and and it should be like you know from UPS or something where you need a signature in order to get the letter Social Security office needs to take greater precautions to make sure that those things don't get in the wrong hands cuz you know what you need to open Yeah By the way, if you would like to play the Ding Dong Singalong with us, call 570-1949 and also call us if that's ever happened to you. We'd love to hear that. The idea of the Ding Dong Singalong is that I'm going to play a song. You'd be a guy or girl, you'd call us, and I'm going to play a song, and I'm going to make it stop real abruptly. And when it stops, you take over singing the song. And if you can do that, you win. Jay, what's the prize? Body Art Expo at the San Diego Concourse. There you go. 570-1949. I think it's just a general rule of thumb that you just do not compare stuff to the Holocaust. You just don't do it because you get in trouble when you do. Just leave it where it is. And Madonna did compare something to the Holocaust, and it's making news, and you can hear it for yourself next. 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY.
We got folks hanging on the line right now to play a little ding-dong sing-along, so it is coming up in just a second. Do not compare things to the Holocaust. Generally doesn't go well, and Madonna just found that out because she compared something to the Holocaust. It's making big news today. Yikes. And we're going to be telling you all about it in just a second. There are five people on the Mikey Show M1s. Myself, I'm Mikey. That's Woods right across from me. He is 35 years of age. 29-year-old Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is to my right. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. We've got Jay Bird, otherwise known as Jay. And he is our producer. He's 47 years old. And our phone screener is Chris. That's Chris. That's girls. That's girls.
So yeah, Madonna was speaking. Which is always a bad idea. Yeah, it's kind of a bad idea. And here is what Madonna said and compared the Holocaust to. I am incredibly disturbed and saddened by the overwhelming number of teen suicides that have been reported lately. Because of bullying. I mean, suicide in general is disturbing. Teenagers committing suicide is extremely disturbing. But to hear that children, teenagers are taking their lives because they're being bullied in schools and dormitories, what have you, is kind of unfathomable. I agree, by the way. I'm like, so far, so good. I agree. The concept that we are torturing... teenagers because they're gay it's it's like lynching black people or um you know hitler exterminating jews i mean sorry i'm i don't know that it's the same as exterminating 5.9 million people a quarter of which were children under the age of 15 by the way uh i don't think it's appropriate
to compare bullying. Now, I say that as the father of an autistic son, that I don't think it's appropriate to compare the genocide of almost 6 million people to bullying. I think it's weird. If I sound like I'm going on a rampage... You do. ...right now, but this is America. We're, you know, the land of the free and the home of the brave, and we are, you know... Boy, she had me there for a minute. You're gonna get an applause anytime you say, this is America. Always a good bit in a speech. It is. This is America! The greatest country in the world. That's all you gotta say. You say that. People are in. People are going to be in for sure. Maybe Obama takes some notes from Madonna. Yeah. Just leave the Holocaust where it was. You can't compare anything to the Holocaust except the Holocaust. Yeah. Don't go to. Oh, by the way, people are calling in because Sienna said that Sienna just had a baby and a little baby sage and she got her social security card in the mail.
And Sienna says when it came in the mail, it had been opened, scotch-taped shut. Somebody wrote on the outside of the envelope, wrong address. And Sienna's like... This is my baby's Social Security card. Nothing more important, you know? It sounds like shenanigans. M1AK, are you there? Yeah. What did you want to say? Well, I mean, she could do her due diligence, ask the mailman if he delivered it somewhere else. And then, if that doesn't work, it's a federal... crime to have your letter anything open in the mail for sure she could that being a federal crime already she could go back to the social security yeah department and say well she called yeah there's a number on the back of of everyone's card that says you know if if there's fraud in play then call this number and report it so i did and i was like you know i i want a new social security number this is ridiculous and she was just kind of like
Like it was no big deal. Like I, you know, had received a coupon in the mail that I could just throw away. Like it was something that happens all the time and it's nothing to worry about, you know. And I was like, yes, I want a new number. It's a very big deal. Yeah. And, you know, I'm kind of curious to get a second opinion. Call back, get another person and see if they say the same thing. OK, but this is one of those instances instances where you probably need to go to a social security office and you need to wait it out. get a supervisor and the whole thing. Hey, M1AK, did you also want to play the Ding Dong Singalong? I did, yeah. Okay, hang on the line. And then we got M1Marie from San Diego. What did you want to say about it? Actually, my father-in-law and my husband both have the exact same first name. And when we got married and we were running our credit report, there was a bunch of stuff. When my husband was a little boy, That was open. Sears, JCPenney's, name it. And basically, there's really nothing you can do. And I know it's super upsetting, but the Social Security office, they'll just tell you to contact those people if there's a discrepancy or fraud. I know it's scary, Sienna, but it's really going to be okay. I agree with Mike. You just got to go to the Social Security office and just talk to somebody. If there's anything you can do to flag it.
but it's going to be okay. I think the good news from it is that your family was not held responsible for it. No, not at all, and that's what we did. We were like, okay, how could a Sears account get opened when my husband was seven? Yeah, and that's what they would, all the credit bureaus would say, like, okay, obviously this was fraud, and they would drop it. The thing about it is that... The thing that sucks about it, Sienna, is that it's just a huge, huge pain, man. Yeah, and it's like, really? This happens? Yes. Come on. People are in dirt bags. But I think it's also important for us to kind of at least note, it may not be that. It may actually be exactly what it says. And so you've got to keep that in mind, too. I think hit up the mailman's a good idea, for sure. All right, so we'll go back to M1AK from Point Loma. Are you there? Yeah. Okay, dude, so here's how the Ding Dong Singalong works. I'm going to play you a clip from a song, and it will abruptly stop. And when it stops, you need to take over singing. Only rule is you can't say that you can't hear it, because we know you can. And the other thing that you cannot do is in the...
act of being creative and making something up, which is what I want you to do if you don't know the song, you can't just say, I don't know this song. Right. You can't do that. You got to come up with something. Get creative. You got to be creative, okay? Try to make us laugh. Try to make us laugh. All right, you ready? You make me laugh all the time, so it's only fair. Here you go. Thank you. Here you go, bro. Here we go. I'm all out of love. So lost without you. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, you know what? You actually got it. You got it. Good job. Hang on the line, okay? So because I know how the delay works, it worked perfectly. Dynamite. Yeah, what you actually heard was you missed his curse word.
But what you actually heard was him getting it all right. Nice. So it actually worked out pretty good. All right. Next up is M1 Kimberly from El Cajon. Are you there, Kimberly? Yes. Hi. How are you doing? Good. How old are you? 25. 25. All right. Because I'm going to try. I've got a couple of choices for you. And I want to be fair to you. I don't want to give you something that is so far out of your age range. That you're lost. And so I'm going to give you one that I think you will probably know. Are you ready? Yes. Here we go. IBM. Really? Don't worry, I don't either. Yeah. It was like Cher or something. It was definitely Cher. Gorgeous. Is that the video where she was wearing the buttless chaps on the aircraft carrier? Singing to the Navy?
She wore it again at the VMAs, maybe? Yes, I think she did. Something like that. M1 Meter Reader from Oceanside, you ready to play? Yeah, I'm ready. All right, how old are you? I'm 30. You're 30? Yep. Guarantee you're going to do great. Here we go. Close your eyes. Yes! Sweet. You're so gorgeous. I may have cried to that when I was 18. I may have imagined that Susanna Hoffs was singing that to me. Oh, man. Because I loved her. I remember that during the slow dances and just leaning on a guy and just being like, oh, man. I'm so in love with you. I'm so in love with you in seventh grade. I may not remember anything. Let's see. 570-1949 if you want to play the ding-dong sing-along. M1 Ryan in Oceanside. Would you like to play, Ryan?
Yeah, sure. All right. How old are you? 28. You may be okay with this. Are you a straight man? Straight man. This may be tough for you. Yes! Yeah! I thought for sure he did not know that. You got it. Love it. Great job, dude. You're going to the Tattoo Expo. Hang on the line, okay? Very well done. I may be downloading that song at the next break, just FYI. I know it. For my own personal use. I hear those and I'm like, oh man, that sounds good. Love that song. Eskimo Blue Waters is 15 minutes away from being in the studio with us. And she apparently has got some new fing-dangled idea how to make some music and some money. Yep.
None of which has worked for her so far. She's pretty much tried everything. She's tried everything. She's lucky she's got rich parents. I know it. Yeah, she tries to pretend that she comes from humble beginnings. From the streets. She doesn't. She doesn't. Yeah, she comes from money in La Jolla. She went to my high school. Yeah, Sienna found out. Yeah, and she lives apparently out of a Mustang that her parents bought for her. That's right. And don't forget that Hoyle was trying his hand at Touch My Body. And we're going to play you the audio of Hoyle, our station manager. I don't even care if you do, man. It's good. You're going to like it. I can't wait. I can't wait. You guys love it now. So we'll hear Hoyle giving his try at that song in just a little bit. Sienna was telling me about how her sister found some new...
Was it your sister? No, Jenna, my stepdaughter. Your stepdaughter. Yeah, she uses this toothpaste, and we got it, and I love it. What is it? And I wanted to share it. What is it? It's a Crest New 3D toothpaste. It comes in a tube, and it works. It makes your teeth. So white. Really? Yeah, she, you know, little kids, they get like little stains on their teeth sometimes. And she started brushing with this twice a day. And I mean, even she could notice a difference, which made her brush her teeth even more. And I started using it and I need to keep using it. Is it for kids or is it for anybody? I mean, she's nine. Does it say on there? I wouldn't give it to like a little, little kid. No, but I mean, it doesn't say like Crest for kids or something. No, no, no. It's mainly for adults. Yeah. I can't use something if it says like for women or for whatever. to get my period oh my gosh you guys are dorks you guys are dorks so uh okay so it's called what it's the i i need to find the exact name but it's a crest 3d whitening toothpaste it's the only 3d that you'll see question and what does it taste disgusting no it doesn't taste bad at all the only thing that i've noticed is your breath isn't as minty like it's a minty flavor but it doesn't keep the bad breath
away. Sienna. Like, I've noticed her teeth whiter, but the breath not as good. Do you brush your tongue? Yeah, no, yeah. And if you brush your tongue, it's not gonna taste like, uh... No, it doesn't taste bad at all. It doesn't taste bad at all. Like... Baking powder? I have orange-flavored toothpaste, and it's repugnant. It's orange-flavored. They say do it for 14 days, twice a day, 14 days, and you'll notice a significant change. And I noticed a significant change. And I also discovered something else that I want to share. What? I saw this on a commercial. Dr. Scholz. Any girl would appreciate this. I think Rebecca has this. Because I just noticed something the other day that was Dr. Scholz. What is it? They're these little shoes. That fold up and fit in a tiny, tiny purse. They're like the little slides. So when you're going out, the worst thing is, you know, women leave to go to a bar or clubs or party in heels. When you're dancing, it's the last thing you want to be in and you're uncomfortable. So you end up barefoot dancing. How many girls have you seen barefoot dancing? These are like little shoes that you pull out of your purse and you put them on. They're portable shoes. Yes. For a wedding especially. I put them on my blog at MikeyShow.com. You can see black.
They're, like, cute. They're little slides. Oh, my gosh. And they just fold right up. I'm getting them. I want them so bad. How come I didn't think of that? I know. How brilliant is that? I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I'm going to get them for myself. For yourself? Yeah, of course. You get to wear flats anyway. Oh, yeah. Maybe get them for your wife. Get them for your wife. Surprise her. Have you tried anything new, Woods, that you really dig? I'm on the... See, listen. People... Guys, we don't... We don't ever think... to go to the old standbys. I talked about this before. I switched to using Irish spring soap. I don't think I'll ever switch to anything. I love Irish spring. Well, when men find something that they like, I mean, they go, I have bought the same kind of shaving cream, the same kind of aftershave, the same kind of lotion. Like, I find something I like, I'm like, I'm in. I mean, yeah, I'm like, yeah. This bottle of green Polo is still going to be relevant 20 years from now. I have a different type of product, but I think it's the coolest thing that I've bought in the last couple of years. It's an iPod.
connector for my car, but it's a stereo. So now instead of having just the iPod in your hand and you have to scroll through on the iPod, all my stuff comes up on the LED of the actual stereo. So instead of going down the road trying to fumble and look, I just reach out and it's right there on my stereo so I can go through. And it's just a little connector? It's a little connector. It fits in my glove box. What does it connect to though? It connects to the iPod. So it charges it. I never even have to look at my iPod. I throw it in the glove box and I never look at it again. So I scroll through my entire iPod. iPod right on it. All the way in. And the newest thing that, I was telling somebody about it the other day and they said, well, have you heard about the new hard drive that they're putting in cars now? I was like, well, what does that mean? He says like a DVR for your car radio. Oh, that's rad. So now if you want to record the Mikey show, it just, bam, downloads in your car. When you come, you can go through it at whatever speed you want. A song? Wow. If anybody is listening right now and you found something new that you're into, and you just found it, and it's a new product, and you're like, I've never tried this, but it's freaking rad, and I want to tell the world about it. 570-1949 is the number. It's like grown-up show-and-tell. Yeah, yeah. I have something cool, but it's not that cool. Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of a late adapter, so people are probably like, oh yeah, I knew about that. There are these like...
Because I got a ticket for talking on the cell phone for holding it up to my ear. So I was like, okay, I have to get a little earpiece thing. But my ears are little, just like your wife's, Mikey. Yeah. So I can't wear those Bluetooth things, plus I'm afraid of getting tumors. Right. So I found these. True story. True story. So I found their Skullcandy, their earbuds that you would use to run, listen to your iPod. Skullcandy. Yeah. They're rad. And they're really good sound quality, but they also have a tiny little microphone attached. So they work with your phone and they also work with your iPod and everything. That's what I have. Yeah, they got the same ones. Really? Yeah, they're the best. I don't buy anything new. I just go for the same stuff. You stick with what you know. I'm that guy. I need to branch out a little bit. I love the fact that it's two ears, too, because you can just hear. L.O.B., does that have a wire that connects to your phone? It has a wire. It looks just like a pair of earbuds, and then it connects into the side of the phone. But Jay said he likes that it has two ears. Technically, the law is you can only have it in one ear. You can't have your total hearing obstructed by both. So I just keep it in one ear. I keep it in the ear that has the microphone attached to it. Where can you get it?
I got mine from the Verizon store, but probably... They have Skullcandy at Sports Authority, too. I've seen Skullcandy at the Apple store. They're in front of it. I've known about it for months. Just a brand of headphones, but it's so... Because I was the girl that was like, that's it. I'm not talking on my phone at all anymore in the car. Right. Now it works, though, right? It's better with the radiation, too, that you don't have your ear right up to your head. Listen, L.O.B. and my wife... have convinced me all that stuff. Really? Yeah, I think so. Oh, gosh. I have an article that would scare the bejesus out of you. I know it probably would. She scared me yesterday about baby monitors and how bad they are to be near your baby. A lot of radiation. Keep it 10 to 15 feet away from where the baby sleeps. You guys should smell it out here. What? Oh, did the food come? Yeah. The wild, wild time company. Let me explain. Let me explain. So I got an email. Thank you. I got an email the other day and it's from a company and they go, Hey, Mikey, I heard you guys talking about how much you love Thanksgiving food. How would you like it if we brought you a Thanksgiving feast in the morning? And I was, and I wrote back and I CC'd Jay on it.
And I don't even remember how I said it, Jay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. I typed yes like a million times and I said, Jay, please make this right. What kind of a monster would respond, no way? No way. Thanks for no thanks. If I found out you did that. Something is wrong with you. You're not a monster. You're an idiot is what you are if you say no. This is what they do. They basically, you can make your own turkey at home and they bring you all the fixings. All the fixings. They go along from up to 10 people. Oh, perfect. And it's amazing. Yeah, you can give the info. Give the info right now what it is. You've got an info sheet on here. Oh, is that what this is? Yeah, you can do it better than I can. All right, cool. Wild Time Company. Caterings and events and stuff like that. Private events, business occasions, that kind of deal. And this is the key word. I've said this about anything that has to do with food. When somebody says fresh ingredients, I just want you to know what that means. It means that they're not taking a bag out of a freezer. And I know that you may go, well, who cares? I'm telling you, that's what makes the difference. Not taking it out of a bag. Anything fresh is always better. It's better. That's the difference between opening up a bag of grated cheese and taking a block of cheese and grating it. It tastes different. It's the difference of buying strawberries in...
the store, and then having Mikey pick strawberries for you that day, and they're delicious. They're like, you make Strawberry Shortcake with hand-picked Mikey's strawberries? Yep. They are much better. Knock you out of your chair. Way better. Mexican-Americans don't like to just get in to get fights. They like flowers and music. And white girls need to be too. So here's the deal. Like Jay said, this company... Wild Thyme Company. By the way, thyme is cleverly spelled like the herb. I knew it. Like the spice. Nice. Smart. They do everything but the bird. All right? So you do the bird. Oh my gosh, that's rad. Bird is the word. That's the fun part anyway. I can smell it. The fixings are the beatings. Have someone do it for you. Dude, seriously. Like the bird's easy. And it's fun. Stick it in the oven. And you have to cook a bird. You want your house to smell like it. I can smell it. The menu includes. The menu includes, this is brilliant, by the way. They're going to make boatloads of money. Sweet cherry salad, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, a seasonal baby vegetable medley, fresh cornbread stuffing. Keep going. Cranberry orange chutney. Let them come in, Jay. Homemade turkey gravy. I can't smell it. Open that door. Pumpkin pie.
Pecan bars. Hello, I love you. Hi. Artisan dinner rolls. My favorite type of roll. Thewildtimecompany.com. And it's time like the herb, T-H-Y-M-E. Thewildtimecompany.com. Who owns the company? Do you own the company? I do, yeah. You're a genius. You are. So smart. You definitely are. That is a brilliant idea, and I bet there's a lot of people listening right now going, why that? I know. Why didn't I think of that? I think a lot of us are really surprised at how quickly the holiday has snuck up on us. It's in a week and a half. Yeah. What? It is? Wait, Thanksgiving is in a week and a half? Yes. No, it can't be. Is it really? Is it really? Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Okay, well, I'm sure that you thought of it because you were, like, cooking one Thanksgiving and went, this is a beating. Like, this is hard to do. And how many times do people not have a chance to even say hello to the people that show up at their house? Let me tell you, that is the reason. Now, I'm doing something different this Thanksgiving, and the reason that I am is because my brother is coming into town.
And I do the cooking in the house. And I go, I never get to watch the games. I want to watch the games. Hang out with your family. It's a day off. Yeah. And so this is rad. This is a rad thing. And so that's where you got the idea, right? Exactly. And like you said earlier, the turkey is like the part that makes the house smell so good. You get it going. You just warm up the sides. We send it with heating instructions, ready to go. We also send leftover recipes so you know what to do with the leftovers the next time. Oh, I love you. Here's the deal. You're brilliant. I've got family coming in from Dallas, just my mom and dad, and we don't have anything. Like, planned. Like, we were going to cook all this stuff, but I'd like to hang out with my family who I never get to see. Looks like you found your solution. Let me tell you something. And I'll post this on the website. It's already there. Well, that. But also, there's a foolproof thing for a bird. Okay? Because you guys don't do the bird. We do it if you want us to. Oh, you do it if you want.
Wow. It just keeps getting better. I think I'm set. Mom and dad. Don't tell anyone. I slaved. I slaved over this. This is brilliant. This is what we were looking for. You want to watch the games? You don't want to have to deal with it? This is it. It's called The Wild Time, and time is spelled T-H-Y-M-E, thewildtimecompany.com. I hope you're prepared because you're going to get flooded. Last year I had to take Wednesday off of work just to spend all day preparing. Making tofurkey and all kinds of stuff. No, I wasn't making tofurkey. I was making the real deal. But all the sides I was making. I'll tell you this too. By the time I sit down for dinner, I'm pissed and my feet hurt. Yeah, exactly. And usually I'm full from sampling everything that I don't even eat at dinner. That's true. The best part of a turkey is the butt. Do you eat that? I don't know. It's the little nubbin at the bottom of the turkey. You know what I'm talking about, right? What is it actually called? The tail? My mom calls it the Pope's nose. My mom calls it the oyster. Is that what it's called? Yeah, it's that little part that's shaped kind of like a triangle.
And it sticks out. Oh, yeah. I don't know if that's the same thing. I don't know. So on Thanksgiving, when your dad was carving the turkey, people were like, I want a drumstick. I want the breast meat. You were like, I want the butt. Give me the butt. Give me the butt. I cook the turkey, and I don't give anybody a choice. This is so unchristian of me. I take those tongs, and I go, I don't care. It's mine. And I go. and I rip that butt off, and I... I think the person who cooks it can pick what they want first. Yeah, thank you. That's fair. I love that. I love it. Well, the Wild Time Company, if you don't want to do, if you don't want to deal with the Thanksgiving beating, that is sides, and if you want a turkey, shopping. Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm sold. The whole thing's a beating. I'm so excited. Then go to thewildtimecompany.com. Oh, I wish that you were public so that I could invest in this. Yeah, well, you've got one client right here. I'll see you on Thanksgiving. I'm all the way in. It's pretty rad. I love you. I love you, too. Do you love me? Oh, my God. I love it. Lauren's other mother. Hey, thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you. Let's see. Okay.
So Hoyle is going to be in in an hour and EBW will be in next. Okay. And she's got a new thing that's called Poppera. We're already a little late for her. I know. She's probably mad because we always get her on late. So she's coming up. Hang on. He's in a bit of hot water right now because the first lady was just over there and he's not supposed to touch any women unless they're family members. She reached out, pretty much grabbed his hand. He's a little bit of trouble. You can't do that. Maybe catch up with the times. What's going on in sports? The University of Colorado has fired its head coach, Dan Hawkins. It was looked at.
as a great hire. He was 53-11 at Boise State. He's never had a winning season at Colorado, 19-39, losing his last 17 games outside of Colorado. Here he is, cut three. I know it's been a tough time for every Buff faithful, and hopefully we can get those things remedied. I appreciate everything, and hopefully the good times in the future, and God bless you. Go Buffs. He is out. His son. is actually the starting quarterback for the Buffaloes, too. I know. That's kind of hard. Brutal. Well, I reported yesterday that the injury to Matthew Stafford's shoulder was not that bad, but I was wrong, and I guess everybody else was, too. He has lost for the season, is what they are saying now. Tough luck for this kid, man. He is a good, good quarterback, and he's just had a shoulder problem since he's gotten in the NFL, so he's out for the year. Oh, wow. All right, Woods, let EBW in. Let her in here. Oh, stop it. Look at the look on her face already. Like, she's irritated that she's... Wait a minute. There. Oh, seriously. And you didn't even turn her mic on? First of all... I didn't have your mic on. I'm sorry. First of all, where is my plate of food? Your plate of food has not been made for you. Everybody made their own plate, and so... Are you enjoying your cranberry chutney, Mike? Yes, I am. And then you are. Haven't you heard there's five people in the Mikey Show? Yes, five.
Well, there's a honorary member. Who, Garrett? No, me, Eskimo Blue Waters. Eskimo Blue Waters is, well, she's wearing her costume. Well, it's not a costume. It's an outfit. Yeah, you call it an outfit, but it's always the same. No, I have extra fringe on today. She does. Yeah. It's like that Dennis Hopper Easy Rider jacket with the dangling fringe. I love it. I have a fringe purse. Yes. It's the newest. Right. And a little bit of fringe on my boots. Yeah, she does. She's got the jeans. She's got the frays. She's got the cowboy hat, the sunglasses. The Marlboro Reds. The Marlboro Reds. These are not Reds. American spirits? These are milds. Milds. They're milds. I had to downgrade because I was getting a little tickle in my throat. She's never smoked them, Woods. No. She doesn't. It's like all part of the look and everything. She's like the Bret Michaels of San Diego. A hundred. That's what she is. I'll take that. He's very successful. A hundred percent. Very successful. Reeks of patchouli oil. Her real name, by the way.
is Judy Douche. Don't say it. It's Judy Douche. Douche. And nobody even cares. No, I just say it because it's an interesting fact. Do you know what Cher's real name is? No. Exactly. Okay. Good point. Point well taken. Eskimo is all you need to know. EBW. EBW. EBW. All right, so Eskimo Blue Waters, what are you going to be gracing us with today? I am going to be trying out my new popper style. Your new popper style. You may have heard it before here on The Mikey Show from me, Eskimo Blue Waters. I take a popular song and put it to sort of like an opera technique. You take a popular song and you put it to an opera technique. Yes. Have you ever heard of a little group called The Beatles? I have heard. Yeah. I have heard of The Beatles. I figured. Okay. So what are you going to do? I'm going to do... Like I said, it's called opera. I'm going to add my opera technique to that. Now let me ask Jeremy, our engineer, do I have everything up here on the board that I need to have up here on the board, Jeremy? He's looking over your shoulders, making sure it's all right. You guys went through all this trouble for me? Yeah, we did. Listen, we got a thing that said it was a writer telling us what you needed. And so we've prepared. I think we're ready. What are you going to do? What's on?
It's called Hey Jude. Yeah, they've heard of it. Of course. All right, let's hear it. Are we ready? Yeah, what's the song? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No, well, yes, but... Yes, you are, but are you not even going to mention the fact that there is a harpist in the room right now? A real harp player. Right behind me. Right behind Sienna. A real harp player. Okay, well, does every time Celine Dion come on stage, does she... Introduce her backup band. She should. Her backup band. Her backup band. That's a real harp player. Yes, I'm aware of that. But let's pay attention to the talent here. Okay. I'm looking at her. She's playing the harp. Yeah, she's behind you. Amazing. The real talent is behind you. Let me hear more. Okay. Maybe I'm not giving it a chance. Be quiet. I wish you would shut up because I want to hear the harp. That's beautiful. Is that, you really want that to happen? Stop.
Me or her? You. Both of you. Not the harp. Eskimo. Yeah, it's beautiful. I get it. Here's my question. Where are you going to do this? I mean, where does this even take place? Where can you people? I don't know. Where wouldn't you want to see a harp is the question. Well, I know. Maybe weddings or something. A wedding. That would be great. Yeah. People want to book us for weddings. Okay, sure. I just want people to imagine. being at a wedding and hearing this. That sounds fine. That sounds amazing. Beautiful. Oh, my God. Stop. Please stop her. Stop. Stop. Can we call security? Can I just ask you a question? First of all, you've played outside of the House of Blues. Not inside the House of Blues. No, but you've got to work your way in. I understand. Okay. Now, when you played outside of the House of Blues, you opened up your guitar case. Yes. For people to give you tips. Yeah. Four people did. Yeah. You ended up losing money because you had to pay for parking. Yeah, so. But you remember that? Okay, I remember that. Yes, I remember that. So my question to you is, how can you afford to pay a harpist and still make a living? Here's the thing. And are we going to mention the fact that I paid to be in here today?
Yes, you did. Okay. Yes, you did. You have to. Okay. Otherwise, we can't give you the airtime. You had to pay for advertising. I had to use a loan shark. By loan shark, what do you mean? You mean your dad? Your parents, yeah. Do you mean your mom? Because her parents are rich and they live in La Jolla. I mean... Where she grew up. I mean my little brother. He lives with my parents and he makes pretty good money because he hacks computers or something like that. Or something like that. Yeah. So, for now, but, I mean, have you seen my harpist? She's gorgeous, too. She's gorgeous. The harpist, she's great. Yeah. Let's hear it again. Okay. Me? The whole thing. Acapella. Yeah. No, not a harp. We need the harp. Not acapella. Okay, okay. You with the harp. Go ahead. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, that's Hey Jude. Is it? I can't even understand the words. There's a real harp player. There's a real harp player five feet from me with a beautiful harp. You're missing it. Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please stop. Please. I beg you. Why don't you go fix yourself a plate and we can listen to the harpist. Yeah. Yeah.
I think it's great. She's great. I think it's great. Maybe you hit on the harpist. The harpist. By you guys, I mean the harpist. Right. Well. Somebody needs to tell it to you straight because you have delusions of grandeur. You do have delusions of grandeur. Where do you see yourself in this act in five years? Probably like the Grand Ole Opry or something like that. Maybe in a Chevron somewhere. No. In Escondido. The Grand Ole Opry. Yeah, something like that. All right. Is it still flooded? They fixed that up? They fixed it. Yeah, then why not? About a year ago. But thank you, Eskimo. I'm going to go. I'll make a plate. You make a plate. And you guys think about what you want me to do next. Okay. Leave. Thank you. We'd like you to leave. I think we're good. Let me hear a second more of the harp. Yeah. Just the harp. Just a little bit. Everybody in this studio. is mesmerized right now. It's gorgeous. I want to know how the harp got here. I know it. It's huge. From Italy. Listen to that. It's so hard to play. Yeah. The guitar has six strings, and it's impossible. I can't imagine. Eskimo's back. She just brought her plate of food in. You guys started without me. Yeah. Yes. Well, Eskimo, do you know her? Are you guys friends? Or how did this work out? I mean, you just... I found her on Craigslist. You did. You found her on Craigslist. Yeah.
And you're going to, obviously, you've got to pay her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So are you just going to, like, split the funds of the gigs that you do? Well, I think the name on the marquee will say it all. It'll say Eskimo Blue Waters. Right now, she's getting paid. I'm not. Yeah. But in the end, I think the scales will get tipped, you know. Well, good for you. It is good, right? Good for you. She is phenomenal. She's great. She is phenomenal. 570-1949. What did you think of Eskimo's latest act? By the way, anybody interested in hearing what Soundgarden sounds like in 2010? Yes. I have it. Yes. I have it. Next. I've been in radio now, I don't know, 23 years, and I don't know that I've ever taken so long to come back from a break because I was eating the most delicious food ever.
I was just telling L.O.B., I go, this is the best freaking food we have. I was like, this is unbelievably good. It's so great. And just to say it was from TheWildTimeCompany.com. Really good. Okay. So need to let you know, I'm going to be playing a clip of Soundgarden. 2010. Soundgarden apparently is back. Do you know? Is that the deal? Yeah. What they did is they had had a song left over from Super Unknown. Their huge record. Yeah. And what they did was they re-released it and they put it on their greatest hits package. I think it's called Black Rain. And they have been doing the dance and talking about putting a new record out and getting back together, which is just great. Yeah. We're going to be playing. They played on Conan O'Brien last night. And you're going to hear Soundgarden 2010, new music, them performing together, and see what you think of it. I can't wait. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woods is our sports guy, and he is 35 years old. L.O.B., otherwise known as Lauren O'Brien, is our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. And Jay is 47. He is our producer.
Hoyle at 830 doing his version of Touch My Body that's been made famous now by, of course, this gentleman. Is it a gentleman? It is a gentleman. He's wearing a tight black tank top. In a recording studio. Yeah. Well, Hoyle is giving his... I'm scared. I can't wait. He's giving it a shot. So, Soundgarden. Let's take a listen to what their performance sounded like last night on Conan O'Brien. 94 in here, baby. Put on my flannel real good. Real good. A little Zeppelin nod. Yeah, always. Oh, man. Sounds pretty good. That guy is second to none. Chris Cornell is the man. Oh, he's good.
He is so good. Anyway, that was from last night on Conan O'Brien, who is back on TBS. M1 Jake from Poway? Yeah. What's up? I just woke up not too long ago, and I heard the harp playing right as the W was performing, and I thought it was nice thinking about going back to bed. We're singing, and my eyes, oh, my God. I'll sleep again. Go back to sleep after that. You'll never sleep again. Yes. Ever. You might have nightmares. Yeah, you might not have nightmares. Well, thank you, Jake. Yeah, if you'd like to review EBW, please feel free 5701949. The harp was beautiful. Her singing, not so much. She needs some tough love, I think, from people. You know, some people to call in and really tell her what they really think about her performance. She walked out of here with her head down for the first time. Oh, boy. Oh, she had her face buried in a plate of turkey and stuff. That's true.
41% of British men and 33% of British women do not shower every day. I'm not surprised. You're not surprised? Not really. What do you mean, Sienna? I don't know. Isn't that like how they roll over there? I don't know. I don't always shower every day. Wait. I don't. What? What? I don't. Like, if I... It's like a Saturday. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not doing anything. I don't either. Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. You'll skip an occasional day. Yeah, if sometimes it's Saturday and I'm just laying in bed and it's a lounge day and I'm not going anywhere. Three times a year, maybe. No, not, I mean, I have, like Sienna, I have a lot of hair on my head. And it's just a beating. It's like every time I wash it, then it's like I've got to go through some sort of process to like comb it and dry it and everything. You got guys.
They can get in and out of the shower a lot quicker than girls can. I've gone for about a week. Jay Isbell. Well, but if I'm getting in and out of the surf, I mean, I'll get in the water, but I won't shower. That's gross water, though. No, it's not. It's not always gross water to the ocean. No. I've done that through camping trips and stuff. Jay, you've gone a week? Yeah, just I'm getting in and out of the surf and I don't have to shower. The surf is not a bath. Oh, it is. It is. It's totally a bath. You get out of there feeling great. No, you feel great. I used to surf before I'd even get to work. I would take my clothes with me. I'd have my clothes on. And then I'd surf and get back in my clothes and go to work. How do you think Jay, how ripe do you think Jay was, day six? Not at all. See, you know what? It does keep you pretty clean. But the problem for me is that salt water on my skin would make me so itchy. So the first thing I wanted to do when I got out of the surf was rinse off. That's the absolute first thing you want to do right when you get out of the water. Going to high school here. About half the guys, that's what they did. Went to the beach, came with salt in their hair, and that's how they rolled. But you know what they did when they got home? They took a shower. No, they went back in the water and did it all over again. Yeah, Jay's probably growing tomatoes like one of those upside-down growing tomato trees underneath his arms. Like you see tomato plants hanging out of there. Six days without a shower. I guarantee lots of guys do that here. There are heroin junkies that don't go six days without taking a shower. Well, I just want people to know that if you travel to Britain, 41% of the men around you...
don't bathe every day. It's filthy. 33% of the women that you see around you don't do it. It's filthier. Yeah. The men's statistic doesn't shock me that much. The women one does. Yeah. Stinky women. I'm an over showerer. I shower at least like usually about twice a day. Wow. Yeah. If I had short hair, I think I would. That's like, what do you do? Change your clothes every time you get out of there? Well, like I shower before baseball games. See, that's weird. No, it wakes me up. M1 Alex, are you there? Yeah. What is your deal? I definitely don't shower every day. Just a few times a week. How many times a week do you shower? Oh, wow. Do you live in Britain? No, I live right here. Do you take a bath or just nothing? I just take a really quick shower. Because, okay, we've got water problems, right? Every time you shower, you're using gallons and gallons and gallons of water. I just can't bring myself to do that. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. M1 Alex. Has his head flung back? M1 Alex. He thinks it's a bit. M1 Alex from, no surprise, OB. You shower three times a week.
Which means that four days out of the week, you don't bathe. It's filthy. She probably eats. Do you eat really natural? Because the more natural you eat, the less you stink. Unless you're eating soap. Yeah. Do you eat big, big bushels of soap? I eat locally because I don't want to use up the gas. getting things to and from the farmer's market. Alex? Farmer's market. Yeah, of course farmer's market. I sometimes use natural soap. Do you shop at Chino Farms? Yes. Of course you do. Of course you do. Alex, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to put the honest cap on. Has anyone ever said anything about Nobody has ever said anything to me. Really? I believe it. Just about you and behind your back. Yeah, that means they don't say it. Some people really don't think that bad. My boyfriend has nothing to say about it. Yeah, probably because he's not bathing either. Yeah, my boyfriend's Jerry Garcia, but it's no big deal. My boyfriend lives in Jerry Garcia's beard. No, her family members would tell her if she smiled.
You can smell yourself if you smell. I'm the first person to smell my... Me too. I stink. Me too. I can tell if I stink. In these days that you don't shower, are you working out at all? Or not doing anything like that? I mean, I bike to work. I don't work out in a gym, but I'm active. Do you sweat? I sweat some, but not tons. And I mean, sweat doesn't smell. First of all, you live in Ocean Beach, which tells me you probably don't have air conditioning. We went through a hot spell here last week, and it was hot, and it didn't matter where you were. It was hot. Very. You guys were talking about going in the water. I go in the ocean. Okay. Questions, Alex. Questions. Yeah. I want you to, as detailed as you can, tell me what you look like. Talk slowly. As detailed... No, it isn't like that. It isn't like that. As detailed as you can... I want to get a visual of the woman that bathes three times a week. I have shoulder-length blonde hair. Go on. Jay! I'm in good shape, you know, sort of modest body size shape. Uh-huh. I do actually shave.
Okay. Sometimes people think that if you're not bathing, you're not shaving. Well, you're not shaving because, well, you're not because if you only, you are, but only every fourth day. Girls don't need to shave every day. Yeah, we don't shave every day. You don't? No. Like every other. No. Sometimes longer. What do I know? Longer. We don't get five o'clock shadow. Yeah. Don't you? Don't you? So you would see me walking down the street and you'd go, there's a perfectly normal looking person. I would believe that. You would believe that? Yeah. Some people really do stink less than others. Do you smoke marijuana? I gave up shampooing. I gave up shampooing two years ago. How much marijuana do you smoke? Wait, wait, wait. Why? You gave up what two years ago? Shampooing. Shampooing. How do you clean your hair? And my hair looked greasy for like the first month, and then your oils adjust themselves. Wow. And, you know, my hair dries naturally. It looks nice and shiny and normal. Do you use conditioner? No. Nothing goes in your hair? You don't put anything in your hair? Water.
You and I may not be a love connection. Ditto. I kind of want to try that. No, I sit right next to you. No, the hair part. I don't shampoo my hair every time. No, and that's good. She doesn't shampoo her hair. I shampoo mine twice a day. She said her oil is adjusted and everything. I beg you to send us a picture. Don't be a creep. I beg you. It's not creepy. I want to know what a girl that doesn't wash. and doesn't wash her hair. You're going to make fun of her? No, I'm not going to make fun of her. I'm not going to make fun of her. I'm not. My thing is, she says that if I saw her walking down the street, I would never think anything, and I'm wondering to myself. I believe that. Really? Yeah, you wouldn't think anything. You may not be like, ooh, that girl smells good, but you wouldn't be like, ooh, she smells bad. She says that she is of modest body shape, and I don't. quite know what that means. It means she's not fat, she's not skinny. Just in the middle. Average. But girls, girls have a weird, they don't, they, like, L.O.B. doesn't get that she's thin. Right. Like, you say to L.O.B., hey, L.O.B., you know, you're a thin, you're in good shape. I would say I'm modest body size. You're weird. No. I've never used that term. I would just say I'm normal. But I'm not, like, skinny and I'm not fat. I'm just average.
No. You're skinny. You're skinny. All right, let's move on. Okay, okay. All right, all right, all right. But in a good and beautiful skin. Oh, yeah? I mean, it's not, you know, you don't look. Girls define themselves in different ways. She's not skinny. Yeah. Listen. Jay's like, you're fat. No, no. She's well-proportioned. Everything's where it should be. M1Alex. M1 Alex, M1 Escondido Dave is on the line, and he's actually calling from San Marcos. He has news for you. Go ahead, Escondido Dave. Hey, Mike. Hey. There's a trend among middle-aged and younger women that it's okay to cover it all up with baby powder and smell like 80-year-old women. Where are you hanging out, dude? No, no, no, no, no. Not nursing homes, but it's no big deal. Baby powder. Well, Alex, do you use baby powder?
No, I hate the smell of baby powder. Okay. I'll tell you what. It's horrible. Sometimes the stylist will tell you, like, if you, because they say don't wash your hair every day. Yeah. And they'll say, like, and if your roots get a little bit greasy, just sprinkle some baby powder. I tried that once, and I had Whitehead. Filthy. Yeah. Filthy. I used to imagine that. Yeah. I was like, ah. It looked like George Washington. I did. I was like, why would she tell me that? And I knew that dude. He was crazy. Escondido Dave, why do you? You think this? She knows what she smells like. Well, when she hasn't showered because for some reason she doesn't think she has to shower every day. They don't. But then they start covering up with weird kinds of perfume. And I'm telling you that we can smell an unshowered woman. I can. 100%. I can smell an unshowered woman. You guys can not. Yes, we can. I have a rule. This is a general rule for humans. Shower every day. Shower once a day. Preferably twice a day. I would agree. I think it's a good thing to shower every day. But if you miss a day every once in a while, not going to kill you. If you shower nine times a day, I'm not mad at it. No question. Your skin would be so flaky and dry if you showered several times a day. Alex, how old are you? Did you already tell me that? Because I don't remember if you did. No, I'm 34. You know, there was a day last week.
Yeah. I just wanted to say, when you guys are showering every single day or more than once a day, have you even thought about, like, eventually our fresh water is going to run out? Nope. No, because it isn't. It's not going to run out. It's not going to run out. It's not going to be able to shower eventually. It's not going to run out. You just have to pay a lot more for it. There's water shortages, you know. I know. It isn't going to run out. It's going to be state-mandated soon. It's not. There's going to be a little timer on your shower, and it's going to turn off. I had a news story. I will jimmy rig that thing and make sure that it doesn't. I'll get Jay over there. I'll get Jay come over. I had a news story last week that was, you know, cities in the U.S. most likely to run out of water first. Yeah. We don't even get ours. We are? San Diego was not on the top ten. We're in good shape. But there were cities that were. Aha. And we're not even getting our water. We're getting it from, like, the Colorado River or something like that. Yeah. Well, guess who's not putting it in their hair? M1 Alex. Yes. There was a day last week I showered three times. Wow. Three times. Alex, do you put perfume on every day? No. Patchouli oil? Fake smells. So you just smell like Alex? A little lavender oil. Yeah, a little lavender oil. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I know a friend that eats really, really healthy. She's a nutritionist. She doesn't have to use.
Deodorant. I've tried to go her route, and I can't do it because I start stinking. But she just didn't have to use anything. She just doesn't stink. Farts and hay comes out. No, but she doesn't have, because she doesn't eat anything with preservatives or all this. She eats very, very natural, organic, and she doesn't stink. Sounds like my dream woman. Yeah. Guess what? Woods will outlive her by 40 years. No way. Guy smokes a pack a day of dips. Thank you for the call, Alex. We wish you the best. Good for you. Take a shower. Grab a shower today. Get a shower. Grab a shower. Be yourself. Grab a shower. So when is the last time, how many days ago did you shower? Two days ago. Take a shower. Leave it alone. Please take a shower. It's not hurting you. Does that mean Monday? I want to send you a loofah. Yes. And some like Irish spring. At this point, lava. Lava. Yeah, send her some lava. I didn't shower today. What? Stop saying it to me. I didn't. I usually shower the night before. So do I. How do you guys wake up in the morning? I can't wake up without a shower. Did you shower last night? I showered last night at like 5 o'clock. For a girl to shower at 3 in the morning, it takes a long time to deal with your hair. Oh my gosh. What's this smelling, Lauren? Can I try? Oh, please. All I smell is turkey. What do you want to smell? My armpit? No, not your armpit. Your arm. My arm?
No, come here. Oh, gosh. Lauren's walking around the board so that Mike can smell her. What if she smells? You're not going to tell her that she smells. No, it smells good. It smells like perfume. Yeah, she's fine. Oh, my God. Just kidding. It smells like feet. You guys would never even know. Yeah, you wouldn't. How do you know? Because, Mike, I don't know. I said that there's days that I won't, and you tell me I smell good all the time. That's right. You mean there's been days that I've said that to you and you haven't showered? I'm sure, yeah. Not to mention I hardly ever shower in the morning. It's always the night before. You are a smelly pirate hooker. Especially now that it's cold. Now that it's cold, we can't come with long, wet hair into the studio. Get up 15 minutes earlier. No. My hair, I'll wash it in the morning. It will still be wet by 5 in the afternoon. Working with you two girls, I know too much about girls. I want to be naive to it. did, I would shower in the morning. Maybe I'd go a week without showering. Because I would have the time to dry my hair and style it. I look like poop when I come in here. I do because I don't care. So do I. What do you guys think of my afro? It's awful. It's getting there. You have a stripe down the middle. Mike is growing his hair out. I'm growing my hair out. No more bald Mikey. There's a stripe. We'll see. We'll see how it looks. It's a pattern. It's coming in. It's coming in like crazy.
I'm not allowed to say anything anyway. That's right, you're not. I can't take your judgment. Do you guys know Keith Olbermann was suspended from MSNBC? And I'm going to tell you why and play the clip of him coming back and addressing rumors and the suspension itself. This, by the way, is Cutlass that you're listening to, who is going to be playing in our studio two days from now. And then they're going to be performing. for Outside the Bowl. All the money going to Outside the Bowl to feed these hungry kids in Haiti right now. They really need it. And I'm going to be taking a trip with Outside the Bowl. Go to OutsidetheBowl.org to buy tickets to this concert. And all that money is going to go to the organization Outside the Bowl. I'm trying my own thing. Oh, you're doing your own? Make up your own words? Hoyle is going to be on in just a second. I'm going to be on now if I want to. You don't get to decide. Keith Olbermann got suspended from MSNBC. And I'm going to tell you why. And then we got a clip of him. He had to come on, talk about rumors that were out there about it. And why he actually got suspended.
So we're going to be telling you about that coming up. What's going on in news, Sienna? Well, does the town Hinkley ring a bell to you guys? Yeah. What? Erin Brockovich. Exactly the same town in California. I'm a homosexual. It's a tiny, tiny desert town. Well, they're having the same kind of problems again. They've seen a dramatic increase in the size of toxic plume of chromium, and it's spreading in multiple groundwater wells. Oh, boy. Yeah, so Pacific Gas and Electric is going to have some trouble ahead of them. Great movie, by the way. Such a good movie. Such a good movie. Oh, yeah. calls it Aaron Brock abreast. Never seen it. Come on. I apologize. Weird. So weird. Also, a local neighborhood here in San Diego, Del Mar Heights, was named one of the safest neighborhoods in the United States. 80% safer than any other U.S. neighborhood. How about that? Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, Las Vegas court has ordered boxer Floyd Mayweather to stay away from his former girlfriend and their two sons after. The prosecutors say that he beat her up and threatened to beat his children if they called 911. So Floyd has now made the dirtbag list, apparently. And then Kyle Busch has been fined $25,000 for giving the bird to the NASCAR officials at Texas Motor Speedway. I saw this the other day. He got in a little trouble and then dropped the bird on him real good. Maybe be different, Kyle. How about that? There you go. That's a good way to say it. Hey, by the way.
The next local 949 show is, as you know, at the Casbah. And it's coming up on November 28th. It's going to be great. That's a Sunday. And our boy Tim Piles be out there doing this thing. Cover Me Bad. I checked him out, dude. Is it a Color Me Bad cover band? It's a cover band of just all kinds of 80s stuff. Cover Me Bad. Cover Me Bad. Yeah, I love it. Go to YouTube and just type in Cover Me Bad. It's hysterical. 10th anniversary show with Geezer, Blasphemous Guitars, Geezer from the Crypt. Geezer Bandit. Yeah, Geezer Bandit. Geezer is a Weezer cover band. Rad. District of Rebellion. How you playing on Saturday? Little strummer orchestra. Too Cool for Karaoke and the Atari Lounge and more. It's going to be good. Free show. And free Gaglione Brothers out there. What? Oh, yum. Score. So it's a live broadcast in the Atari Lounge, 6 to 10 at night. And go check out our boy Tim Piles hanging out the local 949 show. Early doors, 7 p.m. Okay, so Keith Olbermann from MSNBC. Here is what happened. He got suspended. And the reason for his suspension.
he says, was not a publicity stunt. Oh, hi. So, uh, so what's new? I don't want to minimize my gratitude to you for the kind of support that's usually reserved for, like, Chilean miners. I'll be talking about it and the issues and the rest of my little adventure later in the show, but I need to address one thing right now. I read in a couple of places that this has to have been a publicity stunt. This was not a publicity stunt. Of course, if I had known that all this would happen, I would have done this years ago. You realize Keith Olbermann used to be Dan Patrick's right-hand man on SportsCenter. Those two together was like peanut butter and jelly. It was. But now he's a serious political guy. G-I-T. Yep. Here's him talking about the suspension.
I'd like to close tonight by discussing something that I'm sure has happened to you dozens of times in your own life. You know, when there's a petition supporting you and it winds up being signed by 300,000 people and you get 21,000 tweets in a 72-hour period, and then you're invited to be on television because you aren't on television, because they want you to be the lead story on Good Morning America and Larry King and Letterman, and you break the traffic records on the Huffington Post and you're on the front page of the New York Times without being dead or in jail or Charlie Sheen or something. Well, maybe you're used to it, but for me it was kind of a surprise. And all I can seriously say is I'm stunned and grateful and it still feels like a universal hug. I owe you three apologies. Foremost, for having subjected you to all this unnecessary drama. The Lighthouse is on the phone for you. Seriously? Another for not having known by observation, since it's not in my contract, that NBC had rules about getting permission for making political donations, even though any rule like that in any company is probably not legal. Made political donations while working for MSNBC. It's in their contracts that they can't do that. And the reason that they can't do it is because it looks like they're biased. In other words, if you're supposed to be reporting on something and then you're giving money to somebody, it makes it seem like you're biased.
Now, I can be outright tell you, I mean, I outright tell you, I'm a conservative Republican. I can give money to whoever I want to. But I guess, and I didn't know this, but I guess you're on TV, you can't. The third apology, meanwhile, is very specific and it doubles as a correction. It is quite accurate that I contributed to the campaigns of Attorney General Conway and Congresswoman Giffords and Congressman Grijalva on the same day I interviewed Mr. Grijalva. But the reporting I've seen has just sort of assumed that I donated then interviewed and so I should have disclosed it when I interviewed. The sequence was, in fact, the reverse. I didn't even think about contributing until hours after the interview with Representative Grijalva. If I had come on the air the next day and said, hey, I contributed to Grijalva and Giffords and Conway last night. Knowing the way you responded to stories like the free health care clinics and the Kranick family in Tennessee, there would have been a lot of donations to them. And then suddenly I'm fundraising for them passive aggressively. All right. I really don't like him. He's very abrasive. He's abrasive, but he's also really condescending. And the whole thing says, I'm so smart. Yeah, I'm so smug and smart. The way that he says it. Yeah. It's very, whoa, easy. Easy, Tiger.
I discovered Keith. Oh, boy. Did you, Hoyle? I did. Where? Tennessee. When? He was hanging out? He was a hobo. He was on the street. And I turned him into ESPN, drove him myself. Up to Bristol? Up to Bristol, Connecticut. And got him the job. Worked on SportsCenter. Yeah, he did. He was great on SportsCenter. I've discovered a lot of the greats. Like? Howard Stern. Oh, please. Really? He used to just go by Howie. And you? Discovered him, yeah. Found him on the streets, let him live at your house for a while, go to school with your kids. Called me Pig Vomit. Oh, your Pig Vomit? Thank you. No. I think I know the real Pig Vomit. His name is Kevin Matheny. Fine. Fine, it wasn't me. But I could have discovered him. Yeah, I could have too. Why don't you make yourself, if you've made all these other people, why don't you bring yourself up? Why aren't you more successful? Exactly. The reason I'm not successful is because... Did you just admit you're not successful? No, you did. I'm just talking. You said it. I didn't. You said spider. Let the man finish. The reason I'm not successful... The reason I'm not successful is because of my former southern accent. You still have it. You still have it. I lost it since I came to California. I lost it. It's prominent.
I've never heard a stronger sound. You don't sound Californian at all. It's the first thing I notice. It's barely detectable. Probably only when you drink it comes out a little bit, right? A little bit. What do you drink usually? What's your drink? Whiskey. Whiskey? Straight from the bottle. I just go walk into Gordon Beersh and I say, just hand me the McClure's. Just give it straight to me. I saw you drinking a wine cooler at the last company event. That was a dare. I saw you drinking Grenadine on the rocks. Y'all don't need to talk about what I drink. It ain't nobody's business what I like. Your accent only comes out when you drink water or coffee or juice or soda. Or breathe air. Y'all know I talk like a surfer. Surfers don't say y'all, first of all. Did I say that? Yes. Every once in a while it slips out. I like y'all. I'll say it sometimes. Yeah, well. Please say it on the air, Lord. No kidding. When you're like, did you just say y'all? I wouldn't say it on the air. Well, listen, brah. Oh, boy. I don't think it's very fair that y'all just walk around tape recording me when I don't know about it. That's kind of what we do. Yeah, it happens to all of us. I was doing something that I wanted to put through the beat laboratory before I released it. Too late. Oh, boy. And apparently Jay had a recorder where I was. Well done, Jay. And he taped me. Learned from the best. Thank goodness it ain't playing.
Why? Is your thing frozen again? That's weird. That's. Hold on, let me check it. It ain't playing. Did you break it, Hoyle? You know what? Stop fiddling with Mike's stuff. You know what, L-O-B? I about had it. Every single time I come in here, you're leading the charge. I know I am. I like to give you a hard time. It's because I love you. If I wanted to, I could have you fired. That's true. I am the boss. No, you're not. Say you. Still haven't seen any office. You know the only person I report to? John Demick. It's not true. It's the only person I report to. He doesn't even know who you are. He absolutely knows who I am. If I call, I have his special number. Oh, yeah? I don't have to go through the receptionist. Boop. I get right through to him. Do you want to do it on the air? What? Should we do it on the air? Let's call him, yeah. Can't hear you. He's in... Oh, yeah. He's in D.C. He's in Atlanta. He had business. So we can't call him because he's there? Yep. If you have his direct line, though. It'd be like new. He's probably getting off for lunch in a couple minutes. I'll call him in a little bit then. Y'all leave me alone. Quit picking apart everything you say. I like your billabong shirt. Yeah, I do too. He looks extra surfer. He has a billabong shirt on. It's pretty sweet, ain't it? Granted, he's got Lee jeans on as well. Timberlands.
I tuck my t-shirt in because I'm a respectable human being. That's what mama likes too. Sometimes it looks nice. Gigantic belt buckle. It isn't that big. It's a cow head. Do you buy that in Texas? Is that one of those that opens bottles on it? You can just pop open a bottle? The underside of it does. It opens Coke cans. Is that funny woods that I can open up? You bet your buckle doesn't do that. Nope. I got something on my keychain though. Redneck. Now Woods' accent is coming out. Now my accent is coming out. Hey, you just have to hear me for a couple seconds and oh my goodness, it comes back. Well, guess what? I don't have an accent. You're a redneck Hasey. I'm going to start calling you Hasey Dixie. That's fine. Listen, if I don't get to play this thing in the next five minutes... Oh, it hurts. Don't be passive-aggressive oil. I'm not. I'm just being outwardly aggressive. Is it on the array there? It's right there. Every time I hit the dang thing, it ain't playing. This is the real version. This ain't it, man. This is the one I like. This is the one I heard that gave me the idea. The inspiration. That's right. First time I heard that girl, I said, there is no doubt in my mind I can do what she does. That's a dude.
No, the one I just played. That's a young Asian boy. Oh, that ain't an Asian boy. Young Asian boys are your favorite. Really, you sicko perverted pervert? There's kind of weirdness around here. I think it sounded great. Anyway, I did my own version. One of these days I'll play it for you. What do you think about that? I'm going to play it if the thing ain't working. I tried playing it and I tried hitting it and it ain't working. I don't know what's going on. Hoyle, try it later. Yeah. Do it whenever you can. Maybe you learn how to do something right, Hoyle. That's right. A study just found that teens that text a lot are more likely to smoke, drink, and have sex. Come on. Why do I kind of believe it, though? I do. Doesn't every teen text? Like mad men and women? Well, they're calling this hypertexting, and it's when there's more than 120 messages a day. That qualifies as hypertexting. That's me.
120? Probably. No. You drunk, slutie, smoker. Everything but the smoker. I don't even want to say it, but both my sisters in high school, all of their friends, it's like you can't even have a conversation because they're texting on their phones. I'm like, what do you have to say? But they do it. I hope they are not smoking, drinking, and having sex. Yeah, you and I both. They will be. But according to this study, teens who are hypertextors are two times more likely to have tried alcohol, nearly three and a half times more likely to have had sex, 40% more likely to have tried cigarettes, 41% more likely to have used illicit drugs, 43% more likely to binge drink. I mean, there's a whole list. They have excessive personalities, probably. 55% more likely to have been in a fight. 90% more likely to report four or more sexual partners. Four or more? Four or more. 90%. Wow. I think I can play the audio. I don't think you can. Oh, well, I don't care if you play it. Don't you? Don't you? What do I care? Hit it, boss. That's Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. I need to put some...
I need to put some baby powder in my hair. You don't have very much hair, though. Yeah. Well, what I have, I use to my advantage. Just put in that one little flap and comb it over. What I have, I can use. Tell me about your last conquest, Hoyle. Went into Gordon Biersch. Yep. It was a late night. How late? About 8, 9 o'clock. Locked in. What were you wearing? Man, I look good. I was wearing my Affliction. I was wearing my Affliction t-shirt. The one with the big diamond studs on it. Grouse. Formed like a goat's head. Diamond studded spurs. Yeah, had a dragon going down the back of it. Had on my Ed Hardy hat. Backwards. Backwards? Baggy jeans. Yeah, literally a giant tool. Oh, please. And high tops. High tops. Air Jordan. You looked in the mirror and said, oh, this looks good? You combined a lot of really bad fashion together. Did I look in the mirror and say, this looks good? No, I didn't, but every woman in Gordon Beers did. Okay, so you stroll in. Yeah. Ordered yourself a what? I ordered myself. I don't want you interrupting my stories. Okay. I was asking. I ordered myself a bottle of McClure's. A whole bottle. That's what I do. I drink it right from the bottle. Okay. And a beautiful.
Young woman walked over. I took one look at her. She was 25, 26 years old at the most. Oh, hey. Perfectly shaped body. If I do say so myself. Large-breasted. Large-breasted girl. Stop looking at me, Woods. Shapely. What's in the middle of a freaking story, man? I know that you've been waiting for it. I'm waiting too. In my imagination, I'll be all up in you. I know you got that fever for me, hundred and two. And boy, I know the feel, the same, the temperature too. And if that camera up in here, then I'm done. Leave me need an eye too. I do. Now that the camera's up in here, then I best not catch you, baby. You do. You do. Because if you run your mountain bag about this season, I will hunt you down. Because if they be all in my business, like I win the interview. But this is probably going to be lying. My body. Put me on the floor. Wrestle me around. Play with me some more. Touch my body. Throw me on the bed. I just want to make you feel like.
Like you never did. Touch my body. Let me wrap my bra. I'll open your waist. Just a little taste. I didn't remember the words right there. No, you like my curves. Come on, give me a wee bit. What? You don't know it. Boy, you can put me in a... You say boy, you can put me. I messed up. I messed up. So you were singing that by yourself and Jay overheard you? Yeah, I guess. You were trying to get your Asian down? I want to sing it like that kid, but I just... For whatever reason, I can't get the ticket from the top. I started again. The second take was better. Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's too soon. See, this ain't the finish part. Here we go. I know that you've been waiting for it. I'm waiting too. In my imagination, I'll be all up on you. I know you got the favor for me, hundred and two. I know I feel the same and then the temperature too. And if a camera's up in here, then they're gonna leave me when I do. I do. And if the camera's up in here, then I best not catch it on you. You.
Because if you're in your mouth and brag about your secret rendezvous, I will help you down. You'll be up in my business like a windy interview. I don't want to think about your thighs. My curse. That is getting better. I thought you were trying to sound Asian. I'm not trying to sound Asian. You said it. I'm trying to sing the song. You sounded exactly the same both times. That was great. Second take was better. There's no doubt about it. Oh, that was dynamite. Wow. I don't want to think about your curves ever. I just have to, you know, smooth out some of the rough edges. What happened with the lady? What lady? In the Gordon beers. Did you get her? Did you saddle her up?
The only thing worse than the Jersey Shore is the Canadian version of the Jersey Shore. What's that, a boat? Canadian Lake. It's called... Wait, I'll tell you what it's called when we come back. I'll play you a clip from it, too. I may have thought about Valerie Thompson when I used to listen to this back in the eighth grade. I don't blame you. She was a peach. She may have wore Gloria Vanderbilt perfume, which was purple, and it was in the bottle. I may have cried about her on summer vacation. Really? In the game room of my brother's apartment complex. Wow. While listening to this on a cassette tape. Oh, wow.
Thinking about Valerie. Called her years later as a bit on the radio. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. What was she doing? Married? No, but maybe one of the most humiliating moments ever. I think back on it and my skin crawls. What'd she say? She didn't really say much. She wasn't thinking about you? It was the worst bit. It was the worst bit that went the worst way. Oh, no. And I humiliated myself on the radio. I know how that goes. Thinking about it right now, I'm skeeved out. Well, let's eject. Let's get out of it. You ready to hear this? Apparently, the Jersey Shore is sparking some stuff. They are sparking... Gonorrhea? No. Herpes? No. STDs? Well, maybe. Mass hysteria. Mass hysteria, alcoholism. Well, one thing that they're doing is they're sparking other...
networks to like copy them and one of them is in Canada. Weird. Oh my god. So they're doing their version called Lakeshore. Oh my god. That girl has a lot to say and have you ever heard the term put the fire out? Because that's what I'm about to do. She doesn't like me. People that do too much of this don't have enough of this. I mean I think it's because I'm Jewish and Israeli. I'm not racist. Because you know why? I hate everybody equally. Especially Jewish people. She wants to come up to me and put her hands on me. Honey, I'll sit on her. That's the Canadian version. I'll sit on her? I'll sit on her. Must miss. Wait a minute. These are clearly, they're actors. Yes. Gotta be. Right? Gotta be. Yes. Well, that's what I thought about that show with Heidi Montag. The Hills. Is that? Yeah. Real or is that fake? Well, it's supposed to be a reality show, but. Scripted. Yeah, I think it was. But I mean, the whole point of the Jersey Shore is like there's people that actually go. I'm from New Jersey that go to the Jersey Shore that come from other areas that act like these people do. Yeah, so it's legit. They have these accents that dress like that, that go to the clubs that like fist bump and everything. So if they're just trying to duplicate it in the middle of Canada, that's really weird. Yeah, it's very weird.
Speaking of Heidi and Spencer. Spidey. Spidey. Hence her. I'm going to tell you, I know zero percent about Heidi and Spencer. I've seen exactly zero episodes of The Hills. You're lucky. But what I do know is that Heidi Montauk is really pretty. No, she's not. No, she's not? No. I thought she was pretty. I thought I saw a picture and I thought she was real pretty. She's better looking before she got 87 surgeries. Yeah, she had like 11 plastic surgeries in one day. Okay, well, they got to be in trouble for this because, you know, for their show, they're trying to do some bits and they have the police show up because they think that there's like a kidnapping situation and they have their guns drawn. That's bad. That is bad. When that happens. It's not real bright. Yeah, no, it isn't bright. Someone could end up dead. All right, sir, we're prepared to let you in consensually.
Do you mind if we videotape your search? Is that all right? If we keep our lawyer on the speakerphone and we videotape your search, we have no problem with you seeing if there's a hostage situation in our house. Thank you. Here we go. I'm going to open the door. I need to get on my knees. Here you go. Stand up. My brain doesn't work when there's guns at me. Why do you have a gun for me? She has surgery. She can't get on the ground. Don't push your heart, please. Don't push your heart. She just got surgery. Nobody, nobody. Go in, officer. We just let in. Your sergeant said he let you in. All right, go in. No one else in the house. By the way, anything bad that could have possibly happened to them in this situation would have been their fault, right? Yeah. I am almost positive this wasn't for the show The Hills. It wasn't? I'm pretty sure The Hills is done. It just happened? And I think that they're running out of money very quickly and they're doing things.
out of desperation. To try to be on TV. Someone is in the house. Go, officer. You're safe. Please do not step on our camera. Watch the dogs. Oh, don't let the dogs out. Please watch the puppies. They're little puppies. Please watch your pistols. Please don't muzzle us. Please don't muzzle us. I've been muzzled five times now. Yeah, but cops are cops, man. You know what I mean? No? They could throw on a uniform or something. It sounds like a bit, man. No, I believe they were cops. Well, the LAPD would come out and say whether or not. That was them. What's the story? Like, the LAPD thought they had kidnapped somebody? Yeah. Or had a hostage? I guess. That's what it says. Oh, my God. No. I don't believe anything Heidi and Spencer did. So, in January, the LAPD thought there was a kidnapping situation at Heidi Montauk and Spencer Pratt's house. Heidi and Spencer videotaped the incident and released it. Of course they did. No, they keep referring to each other as my husband and my wife. Like, almost. To an excessive degree. Everything about them is ridiculous. Like you imagine the most extreme, the worst case scenario. That's usually what they're doing. That's why I kind of, you know, I mean, I had heard that it was a bit that they that they are like a walking pair of bits. If it was for a show.
Spencer wouldn't be the one. Can we videotape you yelling? It would be someone else, like a producer outside or something. No, maybe they're trying to get permission to use it and then they want to pitch it for a show or something. They're idiots. They're trying to get a reality show. I'm sure. Probably. Because the 15's over. Oh my gosh. They were on that one show where they're in the jungle and they're being mean to everybody. What show was that? I don't know. I'm a celebrity now. Get me out of here. Get me out of here. Yeah. I was like, are you a celebrity? I'm like, oh, it sounds like a good show. Today, Heidi Montag eats her husband, Spencer, in an attempt to survive. Two couples, four boobs, five counting him. I did feel bad for them when they were like, don't let the dogs out. I was like, oh. Never felt bad for them. Never. I know, but what would you do if cops came in and your dogs ran out and there's guns at you? You'd be like, ah! It's their fault. You'd probably get shot. Okay, so I have to know this. I've got to know the resolution to this. We talked about this about a week ago. The Charlie Chaplin thing. Okay, so there was this video of Charlie Chaplin. It was a DVD Charlie Chaplin movie, and you see this person walking in a Charlie Chaplin movie from the 1930s or whatever.
And you appear to see somebody that is on a telephone. And what they were saying was that this was a time traveler. In other words, somebody from the future with some sort of Nokia or Motorola. iPhone. Or iPhone. Traveled back in time to the 1920s. Got into this shot. The Charlie Chaplin movie. And now we're seeing it in 2010. But there is a new development in the story. Well, of course, people are going to research. It was one guy from Ireland who noticed this and word spread very quickly. Yeah. So now Discovery Networks have researched it and they're confirming that it was a hearing aid. What? I don't buy it either, but that's what they're saying. They're saying it's confirmed it's a hearing aid. I buy it. What? I buy it. No, it's a cell phone!
There's no time travelers. It's easier for you to believe that there's a cell phone. Yes. Wait, why was he talking then? Yes. Okay, watch. Watch me. Gosh, this stupid hearing aid is driving me batty. I can't figure out what to do. It's a silent movie though, isn't it? Yeah. So who cares? Gosh, this hearing aid is driving me insane. Look at me. I guess what they had to research is hearing aids were out then because I don't think they would be. Hearing aids were out? Yeah, I would have thought. We didn't have sound for movies, but we had hearing aids. I thought they used horns. I thought they used the big horn. Yeah, it was the big horn. Like the Vuvuzela. That's what I had. Jay actually used, like, a real Stegosaurus horn. Everyone did. It just wasn't me. Wilma! You guys, when you see the video. We saw it! I know. And you see the mouths moving. Look at it again. It's not a hearing aid. It's a hearing aid. It's a time traveler, bro. False confirmation. It's definitely a no PS. It's a time traveler. It's not a time traveler. Why can't you just want to believe? Why can't you just know? You just can't accept it, Woods. You just can't accept the fact. You guys have read too many comic books. You've seen too many. I have never read a comic book in my life. Weird movies.
Why can't you just... You can deny it, bro. It's not going to change the fact... I'm going to deny it. It's not going to change the fact that there's a person with a cell phone that time traveled. He had a cloak on... You know what? There was a kid that used to ride my bus that said he built a time machine, too. I went to check it out in his garage. It was a box. And I didn't go anywhere. If you were to imagine anyone traveling in time, of course they would be wearing a cloak. And that person had a black... And of course they go to a Charlie Chaplin movie and they want to be on set. Well, why not? I would want to too. Proof. They didn't plan it. They just showed up and they were like, I don't know. There's a bunch of weird things around me. So, Sienna, you're saying Mikey's a time traveler in his cloaks? I believe it. That's why I wear cloaks. What year are you from? 2090. Yep. Wow. Cloaks are in. What's it like? They're back. It sucks, man. No water. Yeah. I'll be honest with you now for the first time. I'm from the year 2090. I live at La Mirage. My rent is $1 million a month. Wow. There's no more NFL football. No, I'll tell you what. There's still hot charger girls that live there. Really? That's still mostly who lives there. So you, this makes sense why you love all Apple products. There's got to be some portal through an iPad or something. Yeah.
It's from something that is going to be developed in 2057 called the eye hurdle. It hurdles you through time. You can't fit your iPad. It's funny because he's fat. That's right. 570-1949 is our number. You can call us, 570-1949, if you want to get a hold of us. Tell me about the Twinkie Diet. Oh, my gosh. This was so great. We didn't get to it yesterday, and I was like, we need to talk about this, Mike. Okay, so this guy is a nutrition professor. He lost 27 pounds on a Twinkie diet. All right. I know this is awful for you, but I want to hear about it. He's a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University. He went on this diet for 10 weeks. Would you like to know? I'm going to read you exactly what he ate in one day. Yes. An espresso double, which is six calories. Hostess Twinkies Golden Sponge Cake. Check. Centrum Advanced Formula from A to Zinc. That's like a vitamin, I think. Take it every day. Centrum, A to Zinc. Little Debbie Star Crunch. Check. Hostess Twinkies Golden Sponge Cake. Check. Diet Mountain Dew. Doritos Cool Ranch. Check. Kellogg's Corn Pops. Check. Whole Milk. Baby Carrots. Duncan Hines Family Style Brownie. Chewy Fudge.
Little Debbie zebra cake. Muscle milk. protein shake. That totaled in a little less than 1,600 calories, 59 grams of fat for all of those things. Nice. He ate that same thing every day? That was a sample day of what he ate. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I love it. Like I said, that was a little under 1,600 calories. Before that, he was consuming about 2,600 calories a day. Basically, he's calling it a convenience store diet and he's convinced that calorie intake is... the main way to lose weight. And it may not be the best thing for you, depending on what you eat, but he says it doesn't matter what you eat. If you lower your calories, you're going to lose weight. And so that's what he did. And he ate complete garbage. He's getting protein. Well, yeah. But I wonder about his arteries. Not really, though. Yeah, he's killing himself. Yeah. 27 pounds. His body mass index went from 28.8 to 24.9, which is normal. And before, it was overweight. Yeah.
And he now weighs 174 pounds. Wow, he's making a statement. He ate little cakes, the sugary cakes, every three hours instead of meals. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, I think Jay's right. He's making a statement about caloric intake. But you can't have that. That will turn your brain into mush and your arteries into solid. Of course it will. Oh, check it out. M1 Lisa, are you there? Yes, I am. You called AIS? Yes, I did. I had used AIS previously, and I still am on it. I had called two years ago when you had suggested it, and I got a great deal on my insurance. And now my 17-year-old daughter, who's a first-time driver, needed insurance, and I was really panicking because I'm a single mom, and I can't afford the huge insurance rates that you get for teenage drivers. So I made a couple of phone calls all around town with different insurance companies that advertise that you can get a great rate. and they were quoting me about $150 a month. And then I called AIS, and her insurance is only going to be $78 a month. Yeah. Love it. Wow. I love that. Yeah, I'm saving $865 a year. Wow. Now, here's the deal. People have heard me say it, and then it takes a while for people to go, wow, this is for real. I really need to try it. 1-800-777-4AIS.
Hang on the line, Lisa, because I want to hook you up with a backstage pass just for calling and telling us about your AIS story, okay? Okay, thanks. Hang on. That's awesome. I changed to AIS, too. Can I get one? Sure, I'll let you come in. Oh, can I? No, sorry, not this week. I really want to come and hang out with you guys. You're out of town this week. Yes, but I really want to come and hang out with you guys. Yeah. I'll have to look at the schedule and see what we can do. Whenever you can squeeze me in. Probably can, but you won't be able to get the catered breakfast. That's fine. I'll skip a meal. I could stand to miss a few meals here and there. You can sit in a broken chair. As you know. My son Luke is something else, man. What do you do? Oh, he has this thing where he wants to be held by his mom, my wife, Rebecca. Who doesn't? I know. Who doesn't, really? And if he doesn't, then he begins to behave like he's being tortured. Screaming. Yeah. Just wiggling away. Yeah. If she doesn't pick him up, he starts to act like he's at Abu Ghraib. Does it have to be Rebecca? Yes. Oh, no. He's going through a mommy phase. Yeah. And if I try to pick him up, he doesn't want that. And she picks him up and he stops immediately.
This is my one-year-old son, Luke. He's one of twins, boys. Yeah, what's up? First of all, don't say, yeah, what's up? I'm your dad. Sorry, what the? Where's your brother, the good son? Who? Ryan. You know who. Your twin brother. Your twin. Oh, sir, laughs a lot? Yes, sir laughs a lot. Very smiley boy. What's your bit with me now? What'd I do? I wish that you were sir laughs a lot. Your brother, all he does is just sit there and coo and he just smiles, he hugs. He's playing with, he's not playing with a full deck, if you know what I mean. He's a sweet little kid, all right? He's a sweet guy. He keeps me up every night. I'm hungover every morning and I gotta wake up to the dock. You are not. I'm not hungover every morning. No, you're not. What's your bit with me? My bit. with you is that you cry unless mom picks you up sometimes, and then you act like a... Yeah, because I love mom. She's rad. Yeah, I know that. She gives me money. She doesn't give you money. Well, I take money from her purse. You're one. I take money from her purse. For what? What do you mean money? Don't worry about it. I like to bet football, okay? We all know that. You bet? I haven't been the best at picking the games this year so far. Oh, gosh.
If I had a dad that maybe liked to watch football and not really worry about his fantasy team, then maybe I could get some insight as to who to pick, but I don't. I've got the frugal gourmet as my dad. I've got Julia Childs. Julia Childs is my dad. I like to cook. You said you're friends with Reggie Bush, though. Why wouldn't he be able to help you? He's playing. He's busy. It's time to talk to me. Don't call me the frugal gourmet. If you want a creme brulee made... My dad is the guy. Yeah. Whether you want football insight, no. He knows a lot about football. Does he? You know what? You are such a... Yeah, he had a stellar career in high school on the football field. Guy was slinging touchdowns, you know. Luke. Left and right. You're being a bad boy. Yes. That's your dad. I like mom. Mom's nice to you. I know that. Luke. What is he omitting there? Well, Luke. What do you mean omitting? He said, I like mom. That I don't like my dad? What? Luke. My dad scares me? What? You know what? You sound like such a tough guy when you come on the air, but the truth is that when I see you, you act like a baby. Well, I am a baby. I'm one year old. What do you want? You just cry. Why do you have to cry for your mom? I'm not crying. I'm screaming. I'm saying, help me. What's with the tears? You look like a big baby. You look like a baby. The onions from Clown in there cooking. Oh, sure. Guy's always got some soup or stew he's making.
He comes on the air and he's really tough, but when I see him at home, he's just crying all the time. I'm not crying. What are you doing? Don't get mad, Luke. Why are you such... Stop screaming at us. You're screaming. I'm screaming. Yes, you are. You are. You're screaming. You actually are. No, you are. You're frightening all of us. You're acting like a baby right now, Luke. Hey. Stop it. Hey, Luke. Wah. Wah. You're yelling. I love my body! What? If I cry, we'll see if his boobs leak. No, don't talk like that. Let's try. Bring those over here, Mom. It's a wives tale. It's a wives tale. You know what? You're an idiot. Wow. That's really inappropriate. Thanksgiving feast for me. Okay. Wow. Thanksgiving's not for a while. All right, Luke. All right. I'll talk to you later. Thanks for calling. Hey. Don't. What? Don't. Don't. Don't ask me. Don't ask.
Don't ask me. Don't ask me, man. What time do you get off? You're such an idiot. Mike, don't call yourself an idiot. I'm sorry I called my one-year-old son. No wonder I drink. What time do you get off? You ask me that every single time. He's only one. He doesn't understand. Hey, weird. My memory doesn't work right. Can you imagine? Surprise, I don't remember every little detail. Apple doesn't fall far, huh, Luke? Yeah. All right, thank you, Luke. Shut up! I get off at a ten! Every time, Sienna, he makes the same meeting. Oh, weird. My dad's on the radio, he works 16-hour days. Well, we work hard on what we do.
We work hard for you to support you, put you through college. So that you can go to Vegas. Thank you. He's hung up on us. Oh my gosh, he's furious. Luke scares me sometimes. He did not like us making fun of him. Put him on blast to the whole world. Little one-year-old cowering in his diaper. Oh my gosh. Oh, that got me real good. Wait till we tell you what Adam Sandler gave to his celebrity friends. And I'm telling you, it's expensive. Like, when you add up the cost of this, holy cow. But when you consider that he was staying at the Four Seasons in Maui when we were there earlier in the year, and the room that he stayed in was the most expensive room he could stay in. He stayed there about a month. $14,000 a night. Oh, my God. I'll tell you all about it next. Going to be seeing this band live Friday night, Cutlass. That sounds good, man. Oh, dude, they are so good live. If you want to get tickets, go to OutsideTheBowl.org. All the money going to Outside the Bowl. And those guys make it possible to serve one million meals to kids.
in Haiti, in Africa, and soon in Mexico because of what they're doing. So I urge you to please go buy tickets for this Cutlass concert. If there are any VIP tickets left for $35 a piece, you get to meet and greet with Cutlass. Meet and greet with me. Chick-fil-A's bringing out food. You'll get some of that. You get in early. It's going to be great. If you want to buy these tickets, go to OutsideTheBowl.org and you're going to be feeding kids with that money that you pay. Adam Sandler, really, really expensive gifts. And I want to let you know, so we're going to tell you about that here in just a second, I want to let you know that at 10 a.m., about a half hour, The Mikey Show and Hillary are going to be announcing the holiday hootenanny, the lineup, the date, the whole thing. Make that announcement at 10. Sweet. What did Adam Sandler buy, Sienna?
I want to be friends with him. Oh, yet another reason I want to be friends with him. I know. Well, he was in that movie, Grown Ups, and he was in the movie with Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, and Kevin James. Would you like to know what he did for his buddies after that movie came out? What? Bought a Meacham Maserati. Oh. Good Lord. And look at a car. Chris Rock was just interviewed and he said that he literally walked outside of his house and there was a brand new Maserati sitting in his driveway. Found out it was from Adam Sandler and then found out that Adam had bought him for the other guys on the movie too. They each had a $200,000 car. $800,000 Adam spent buying them for Maserati. Yeah, well, you know, I'm rich. Dude, that's how you do it. That's how you do it. Adam Sandler right now is sitting on the number nine spot on Forbes list of the most overpaid actors of 2010. Are you serious? He's not overpaid. Most overpaid? Yeah. Do movies still make money though? The number one most overpaid was, we had this yesterday, Will Ferrell. Yeah, meaning that the cost to have him.
is much less than what he brings in. Oh, okay. Like say a movie ticket stub is $5 or something like that. He gets like $2 out of each $5. You know, something like that. Well, not only that, but whatever they pay him, you know, the movie doesn't make the money back. If the movie tanks and they paid him $10 million and they only make $8 or something. Yeah. Gosh. I can't wait to see the movie, the Hawaii movie that he was in with Jennifer Aniston. They were filming it when I was out there. What if you're like walking around in the background? Yeah. What if you're sunbathing? That would be awesome. Yeah. I'm sure that they want fat Mexicans in the background. Maybe they cut you out. Oh, stop it. Maybe you'll see your wife. Maybe we'll see you making cologne. Mikey goes to Hawaii. Mikey goes to Hawaii and makes his own cologne at hotels. But I'm an old woman. You might see someone, some people in the back would be like sunbathing. Surfing. Swimming. Surfing. Wind surfing. Parasailing. Parasailing. Holding hands with their wife. Yeah. Reading a magazine. Sipping a cocktail. Sipping a cocktail. Even a virgin cocktail. What would Mikey be doing? Making cologne.
Mixing frankincense and myrrh. The alchemist over there. The alchemist over there. Holy cow. Oh, wow. Hello, hello, yes. Hello, yes. Hello. It's time for Old Time Radio. It's a time where we are spirited back into the past. The 1930s. Hear ye, hear ye. And it's now time for Old Time. Witherall will be with us in a moment, so let's be patient, shall we? Everybody's talking at once. Sounds like it's The View, 1924. Barbara Walters was 60. Yeah. That is Barbara Walters. That's on her second marriage. Ladies, there'll be no tea this afternoon. There's been a murder. What? He's like, what did you say? Oh, no, I'm quite serious, Maud. Maud? She just said Maud. What happened to the name? Maud. Where did it go? Where did it go? Maud. Oh, Maud. Give it to me, Maud. Maud, you know how I like it. Oh, I've missed you, Maud. Take that top off, Maud.
Maud! Maud! And then there's Maud. Holy cow. I beg someone to name their daughter Maud. I should do it as a bit. I kind of like it. I should do it as a bit when Jamie and I adopt. This is Maud Woods. Would you flip out if somebody brought their new baby girl and you're like, what's her name? And they go, Maud. Maud. It's a family name. It's a fat girl's name. No fault of my own, you understand. It was completely unanticipated. They save money on actresses by just hiring chickens. Yeah, they just hire chickens. Turkey. Ladies, ladies, I'm the director. What I'd like you to do during this scene is we need it to sound like you're talking furiously, so I'd like you all to gobble. She sounds very sprightly for a... A place where a murder's just been committed. When is the last time someone actually said why? I never. Well, I never. Where did we lose putting the word why, comma, before saying things? Why? Why, I don't believe. Yes. Like, I come in in the morning. Try it with your wife tonight. Dude, let's bring it back.
Let's do it. Why, I do say it's cold this morning. Why, Mike? You don't say. Yes. If I wake up and it's a little chilly in the house and it's time to turn the heater on, I'll go, why, it seems rather cold, doesn't it? Why, I seem to have slept in. Slept over. Freudian mistake there. Why, I seem to have slept over at my BFNC. Why I seem to have fallen into premarital sex. That's Maud. That's not me. That was Maud. Maud's easy. Murder? Come on, Leon, just walk downstairs with me. Now tell me everything that happens. Who's been murdered? Maud, why don't you just sign your thing? Oh, my cape's downstairs in the hall closet. In the hall closet? What? He said cape, didn't he? He said cape. Where's my cape? There was a time where apparently capes were fashionable.
Darn it, I want to bring this back. If I married a woman that talked like that, I would slit my own throat. Oh, no way. Can you imagine? Well, what if you married her and then she just started talking? What if when she got old, I'd be like, listen, we're 75. I really don't want a divorce. But Stephen, I still love you. But no, I can't live with you. We're not on the Titanic. You don't need to talk that way. Wouldn't it be fun to have a mom like that, though? No. Bringing cookies and always bringing cheer. Why, I bet you're hungry, aren't you? Why, mother, I am not. Stop talking. You ever hear of such a thing? Try the door if you want to. Don't let it hitch in the... By the door, I mean my zipper. What I meant to say was, you can try the zipper if you'd like. It's been stuck today, isn't it? You still hungry? Feast on that. Oh, my dear, you don't need a cape. It would be gilding the lily. You're not a superwoman at all. Maud. You don't need a cape. In fact, you don't need anything. Take everything off, Maud. You're a creep. You don't need these hoes. Speaking of hoes, where's your friends? Throw a perfume on the violet to smooth the ice and... Apparently somebody's stopped going to their AA meetings. More to that effect.
I can't remember. Was it a car breaking or a murder? Or whatever. Was she jaywalking or did she chop someone into bits? I can't remember. Did you ever hear him on the radio? Lieutenant Hazeltine. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, he was opposite Howard Stern, wasn't he? If I remember that. He's one of the Whack Pack. Yes, he is. Lieutenant Hazeltine. Lieutenant Hazeltine. He was on right before Jackie the Joe Camp, wasn't he? I've heard him, much to my own pleasure and profit. By my own pleasure, I mean... My own pleasure. My own pleasure. So what to do about this murder business? Just imagine what Lieutenant Hazeltine would do. He's never wrong, you know. First of all... You daffy broad. You're making up the name Hazel time, and you know it. No one's ever been named that in a million years. He was Vanilla Bean, and I know it. Oh, man. Yeah, would he? Mm-hmm. Let's take Jay back to college. Yeah, let's Jay back to his first grandchild. GM is dumping Mr. Goodwrench? Uh-oh. Tell y'all about it.
Oh, and also, there's a new tool out there to help you stop drunk Facebooking. I don't remember. Oh, yeah. I talked about Mr. Goodwrench. That's what I did. I couldn't remember. Okay. And we'll tell you that in a second. Sienna had to leave the room. Every day, Sienna will have to go to pump. Yeah. That's what I sing to myself when I'm doing it. Because you have big jugs. Oh, I love it. I love that dude's voice. I love that guy's voice. Sounds like a pimp. Sounds like the guy that sings funky comedy. How do you know what a pimp sounds like, Woods? That's a really good question. I was young. I needed the money. Sure. That's what I said. Yeah.
So, 10 o'clock, about nine minutes, we'll be announcing Holiday Hootenanny, telling you who the lineup is. It's good. It's a good lineup. Okay, and GM, they're dumping Mr. Goodwrench. Why are they doing that? Well, they're just getting rid of the character. Do you know the character? Yeah, Mr. Goodwrench, he's white tires. If I'm correct, it's like white tires. The body's made up of tires. Maybe. This is one of those stories. Maybe they're black tires. That's a Michelin man, you're thinking of. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is one of these stories that I asked would this morning. He looks like a man, I think. He's a clown. He's got big shoes. He gives out cheeseburgers. Right. No, that's not him. He's an evil leprechaun. Well, I don't know. I guess they've had him for 37 years, General Motors. Oh, yeah, this old guy. And they're now getting rid of Mr. Goodrich. Let me see. Got a picture? This guy is Mr. Goodwrench, I thought. She just Googled naked men. Naked black men. No, I did not. I think this is him. Mr. Blackwrench. She tucked in Mr. Blackwrench. I was clearing my history. It's that guy. It's the muscular guy. Yeah, Mr. Blackwrench. It's that guy. I know that guy. Let me see.
He's right there. Never seen that man. Me neither. Ever. Yeah, that's why they're probably getting rid of him. Yeah, because nobody knows who he is. Isn't that really? I think. I imagined a cartoon character. They didn't describe him. They just said, after 37 years, he's gone. I don't know. Well, there you go. Everybody has to have their time. Very memorable character. Yep. There's an iPhone app that, or it's just a phone app. I don't know if it's an iPhone app. It could be for all kinds of different phones. But you can test for STDs with it. What? Yeah. Well, they're working on it right now. British health officials are working on this app. This is disgusting. That will allow users to pee. into their cell phones and find out within minutes if they have an STD. This is serious. They've invested 400 million pounds, which is like $7 million. That's what I'm going to weigh by the end of the year. I'll bet that it's something that plugs into the bottom of the phone. Otherwise, you would short-circuit the phone. No, it's the size of a USB chip. You can put urine or saliva on this computer chip, plug it into your phone or computer, and receive a diagnosis within minutes.
Unbelievable. Isn't that crazy? You go out to a bar and you go, hey, listen, before we do this, I'm going to need you to pee on this phone. I need you to pee on my phone. She's like, what are you, some kind of disturbed creep? Okay, fine, just lick it then. Fine, just lick the phone. Oh my God, I'm leaving. Well, they're thinking because there's a lot of young people that think they may have something and they're too embarrassed to go to the doctor. They don't want their parents to find out, stuff like that. So that's a way of finding out what you have quickly. You know, almost everyone has a cell phone now. So now you have to go to your mom and say, hey, can you buy me this thing that allows me to pee on my phone? Sure, son. No problem. Oh, my gosh. They say your mobile phone can now be your mobile doctor. That's disgusting. I know. Maybe don't have sex. Oh, crazy, Mike. Come on. What are you from the early 1800s? Yeah. My goodness. Did you have sex? What? I did. I know. Just kidding. I would tell my kid, man. I would do it again. I'm going to tell my kid, too. I'm going to tell mine, too. I'm going to say, do not do it. Don't do it. I'm going to say, do it. And if you do, wear a condom. Jay's going to say, do it. I'm going to say, do it. What do you mean you're going to say? You have kids. Yeah. And they're doing it. Oh, God. I'm sure they are. What do you think? I know your kids. It creeps me out. They're careful. They're responsible.
So there's also, speaking of that, there's also this thing for Facebook where it'll keep you from drunk Facebooking. And this is something that people have a problem with now. It's turned into that. But now there's a social media sobriety test. And basically it's a free Firefox plug-in. They have different tests. Like one of the things is they'll have a little moving circle and you have to be able to keep the cursor inside the moving circle. And there's this one girl in this article that says, you know, I had to take one of these sobriety tests for Facebook and I was sober. And they ask you to do the alphabet backwards and I can't do that even sober. I can do it really fast. So can my brother. Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-P-O-N-M-L-K-J-I-H-G-F-E-D-C-B-A. Holy crap. Either you can do it or you can't. See, okay. Mikey calls me and says, Woods, you want to join my radio show? What special talents do you have? I say, dude, I can do the alphabet backwards. Day one. Day one, I would be like, I can do the alphabet backwards. L-O-B, nine months later, this comes out. How do you know that would ever come up? That.
It's a really interesting fact. Did you practice it? Yeah, I saw it on Full House. And so you practiced it. Yeah, I did. I broke it down by like three letters at a time. And you're still single? You know what I love? No, she's not single. She's got a boyfriend. That's right. You know what? You know what is so interesting about L.O.B.? She was a weird kid. Yeah. Was? Was? Yeah, that's a good point. She's a weird kid. My brother, I... It's amazing. If I studied it, I could never do it. My brother, I just asked him one day if he could do it, and he was like, I don't know. And he did it perfectly. I was like. That's a different talent. I had to break it down. Jake will be able to do it, Mike. I bet. That's the same type of deal. Jake can do stuff now that I'm like weird. It's hysterical. I love when he does our rejoiners. Yeah, he imitates our rejoiners. So cute. He goes, and now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. And then he'll go... With woods. That's so cute. So cute. Yeah, when I was a kid, I did so many strange things. I used to try to smoke oregano. Done it. How about banana peel? You ever smoked banana peel? Didn't that. You ever lick a frog's butt? I've heard about that. You lick a toad. Make you trip out. A certain kind of toad. Yeah, you make you trip. I can't speak today. Weird. We did all kinds of stuff. Yeah, I did too. Whoa. Did you do dangerous stuff?
Yeah, dude, I told you I built a Molotov cocktail one time. We were going to blow up a bridge. Oh, my gosh. Not like the Coronado Bridge. It was a wooden bridge over a creek. We were like, hey, let's throw this Molotov cocktail down there and see if it'll blow up. But we couldn't get it lit. Thank goodness. Burned out a kid's backyard with fireworks once. First time I got taken home in a cop car. I was in sixth grade. First time. First of many. Sixth grade. Is there ever a movie about the Mikey show? It'll start with Woods, six years old, in the back of a cop. Sixth grade. Sixth grade. Sixth grade. So how old is that? Twelve. Twelve, yeah. Woods, Woods, Woods. Yeah, we were playing with fireworks, and I burned down this. I mean, literally, when I say burned, it was an acre that we burned. I played with matches and burnt down our back fence. Yeah, I was going to say, the movie would start with, like. You two doing that. I was in the middle of the street burning things. Three of us should have been serial killers. Sienna was polishing diamonds. I burned down the woods next to our house. Oh my gosh. I loved that. I'm so afraid because we have three boys. You're done. Good luck. You ever do the aerosol can and the lighter? Yeah. I used to walk around.
How come you weren't afraid? I just wasn't. I've never really been afraid of stuff. I heard that it would suck back in and blow. And you didn't care? No. Never happened. This was a bit we did. Do you remember, does anybody remember the Kiss video where Paul Stanley had his hands on fire? Yeah. And he walks in and he goes, I think it was Heavens on Fire. Yeah. And we used to soak our hands in hairspray and light them on fire so we could do the Paul Stanley thing. Are you kidding? We were lunatics. Did it burn you real bad? Yeah, it burns, but you shake it out. Do not try that at home. Don't try that at home. Imagine being a mother and walking in on your children doing that. Oh, my God. Flaming hands. Terrifying. Aquanet. Wow. We were lunatics. Don't do that if you're listening. No one do that. No, no, no. We were walking through Henry's yesterday, and we were getting all this stuff, and Rebecca was like, I can't believe how much groceries you get. I go, babe, Jake's four. The two boys are one. I said. Fast forward 16 years. Get ready. Done. Give me $1,000 a month. You are going to have to buy so much food. I never get any of my own food anymore. Never. Oh, yeah. Jay, what was that deal? Jay had a pretty good one. I went to the store so I could get. I wanted a big bag of jalapeno chips. I got a big thing of turkey and then some cheese. I took it home and I was like all set for the next day. I came home the next day. The entire bag of chips. I mean, it was one of the big family size bags. Yeah. Gone. Turkey.
Gone. Finn? Yeah, Finn ate the whole bag in one sitting. He just sat down in chip after chip. That's a teenage boy right there. And I said, but you gotta eat other food. He's like, hmm, I ate dinner. That was after dinner. And he ate everything for dinner. Oh my gosh. He's a grown boy, dude. What can you say? He didn't even gain an ounce. No. Alright. I love it. Alright, Hill, you ready to do this? I'm ready. You ready to do this where you're going to announce the FM 94.9? Yeah! Holiday Hootenanny 2010 presented by Scion. The date. Why don't you announce the date? It will be Saturday night, December 11th at the Remack Arena once again at UC San Diego where we had it last year. It's an excellent venue for the Holiday Hootenanny. Let's take turns. Tokyo Police Club will be there. They are so awesome. We interviewed them at Coachella. They played at Coachella House. Nice guys. They just did that dog beach thing. So I think they're going to open the show, Tokyo Police Club. And then who else? Sleigh Bells, who my understanding is have never played in San Diego before. Wow. Yeah, and in fact, were just recently on the road with LCD Sound System and didn't come down here because Sleigh Bells playing the Holiday Hootenanny. It's a guy and a girl. It is going to be in...
Hence. The Temper Trap is playing. Yes. You said it right. The Holiday Hootenanny. Last time they played was what? The Belly Up? And they sold out. Immediately. And about the music show. And who else? Against Me. Woo! Who recently canceled all of their 2010 shows, but they are playing our Holiday Hootenanny. And? Let's do it on three. One, two, three. The White Keys! Yeah! The Black Keys. They're kind of like our house band at FM 94.9. They are, and they're so good. I just saw them in Dallas open for Kings of Leon. They were unbelievable. Oh, yeah. They're so good. I can't wait to see them live. I can't. They're so good. We're just talking such good stuff about them. You know, they had a backing band with them, and then at the end of the show, the backing band went, and it was just the two dudes. Yeah. And this song, just two guys wearing it out. So good. Tickets are $40 plus service charges. $1 of every ticket sold goes to the About the Music Fund, helps support music education in San Diego County Public Schools, which is really, really good. Am I forgetting anything? Tickets will go on sale this Tuesday at noon. You can get them through Ticketmaster, but if you want to avoid the service charges, buy them at the Price Center box office on the UCSD campus, just like last year.
I'm so excited to be a part of this thing. Tokyo Police Club, Sleigh Bells, The Temper Trap, Against Me, and The Black Keys. Wow. Saturday night, December 11th, rematch. FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny, 2010. Presented by... Yeah. Thank you, Simon. Very, very nice. All right, we got to get out of here. And the lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We will see you again tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. And do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out late.