The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/11/11
Friday, November 11, 2011
chargersopen enrollmentlip read challengemeet and greetcanned food driveheidi fleissj dollproposalpenn state scandalveterans day11 11 11football
The show featured hosts Mike, Woodsy, Lauren O’Brien (L.O.B.), and Jay analyzing the Chargers’ loss and the team’s open‑enrollment crunch, then pivoted to a light‑hearted lip‑read challenge and a promotion for a canned‑food meet‑and‑greet at Dave & Buster’s. Later, listener Elizabeth called in with a provocative idea for a tickle‑me‑Jay doll, sparking a heated on‑air debate about jealousy and boundaries, while Heidi Fleiss appeared to discuss her past as a Hollywood madam and her new Animal Planet series. The hour closed with an unexpected on‑air proposal from listener Daniel to his girlfriend Erica, who declined, and a reflective segment where Woodsy shared his childhood abuse story, tying together sports, comedy, and personal confession.
What happened, in order
Chargers loss & open enrollment
The hosts break down the Chargers’ Thursday night loss and discuss the team’s open‑enrollment deadline for benefits.
11‑11‑11 wish & Veterans Day
On 11‑11‑11 the hosts talk about making wishes, honor veterans, and note the surge in Vegas weddings.
Penn State scandal presser
The show covers the press conference announcing Tom Bradley as interim Penn State coach after the Jerry Sandusky child‑molestation scandal.
Show us your cans event
They announce a upcoming meet‑and‑greet at Dave & Buster’s where listeners can donate canned food for a chance to win prizes.
Lip read challenge
The crew plays a lip‑reading game where they try to guess what Jay is saying behind sound‑proof glass.
J doll pitch
Listener Elizabeth calls in to propose making a tickle‑me‑Jay doll, and Jay agrees to visit her house to discuss the idea.
Heidi Fleiss interview
Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss joins the show to talk about her past, her new Animal Planet show, and her feelings about fame and addiction.
On-air proposal
Daniel proposes to his girlfriend Erica live on the show, but she says no.
People mentioned
MikeWoodsyLauren O'BrienJayLisaPhillip RiversNorv TurnerBrett RatnerEddie MurphyBilly CrystalRick PerryHeidi FleissElizabethDaniel
33,207 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Friday, and that is the good news. The not-so-good news is that Thursday night football's back, and the Chargers were the first Thursday night football game, and they lost at home in what was a just turd of a game. Yeah. No, I didn't get to see the majority of it. I would wake up, you know, and if there were any other team playing, I wouldn't. Wake up and look at the score. But I kept doing it. And the Chargers are having their issues. Oh, no. We suck again. Again. Again. 570-1949. You can give us a call. You can discuss it. You can feel free to tell us what you think the problem is. You can call and be whatever you want.
Encouraging, angry, whatever. We'll take it all. 570-1949. I'm Mike. This is my friend Woodsy. Play like a champion today. He's got on his Notre Dame hoodie. Words to live by. That's right, buddy. Lauren O'Brien, the blonde number over here. She is otherwise known as Lauren O'Brien L-O-B. It's a hot number. That's right. And then you got Jay. And Jay is the youthful-looking 48-year-old producer in the other room. Am I? Yes, he is. Yes, he is. In fact, yesterday he was skating with men half his age. Yeah. You know, it's sad when you can't recognize people. You think they're your age, and they're not. They're not. They're not. They're like in their 20s. Yeah, that's right. That's just a fact of life I've got to deal with all the time. I think that 20-year-olds are my age.
Don't you do that? Don't you do that? You froze yourself in time? I did, apparently. Man, it's kind of a curse. It really is. I mean, it's cool because I froze myself in time. I mean, yes, I got the body and the sex drive of a 20-year-old, yes. That's right. And the sexual ability. And the ability. And the stamina. What's this holding coffee in? Ever 48 skating with a bunch of young dudes, he wrote? Take your pants off. Oh. There was also a four-year-old kid tearing it up. We became friends. We became friends. How old? He was four. Friends. He was cute. He kept waiting for me to go. He'd give me the head nod. It was my turn. I was like, all right. I did not skate with 20-year-olds yesterday. I know that. Yeah. I bet you didn't either. I did not. What did you eat? I didn't eat very much yesterday. He didn't, actually. I did not. He texted me his dinner. You'd be surprised. I can't even remember. I was trying to think about it this morning.
I don't even think I ate in the afternoon. I don't think I did. Don't lie to me. I'm serious. I'm serious. What about your dinner? Delicious treat. Three tablespoons of coffee ice cream. That was dinner? That was dinner. How did you do it? Wait, you knew that already? Yeah, he texted me that. Were you fasting? What? Why did you text what you had for dinner? I didn't. He texted me about... Oysters. Yeah, we were texting back and forth with Jay lines. Yeah, we do bits. We're doing bits. Stay dynamic. Yeah. Staying sharp. Staying dynamic, man. It's like taking ground balls. Yeah. You know, we were taking ground balls last night. Yeah. I guess I'll just sit this one out with Jay. Oh, God. Welcome. Oh, well, maybe we tell everyone how we practically had to beg her to come to the concert. And I mean beg. Oh, minus practically. We actually said the words.
L.O.B., we beg you. We're begging you. I wanted to get some sleep. It was a school night. We begged her. As soon as you said that we were going to run a best of, I was like, in. Please, Lauren, just hang out with us. And it was so nice. It was so nice. We looked over. She's so fun. Yeah, she's so funny. She's funny. Single by herself. Oh, yeah. You guys are paired off. She took a picture of her with her arm around an invisible boyfriend. Genius. It was genius. It was genius. I love hanging out with her. We were all taking pictures of the couples. It was Jamie and I. You guys were just paired off, whispering in each other's ears. Jay and Kim, Mike and Rebecca. And then Lauren goes, hey guys, guys, get me. Put her arm up like she had her arm around the invisible man. And then I said, look how good Matt looks in this picture. He was working. Yeah, prior engagement. Word of the day is token. Not real engagement, just prior commitment. Sorry, wrong choice of words. He has a problem with that word. That was the most brilliant usage of that word. The slip up. L.O.B. is, she's dating her boyfriend of four years and so she will, every once in a while, she'll throw out what I call a passive aggressive comment about not being proposed.
Proposed to. Observational humor. Yes. That's my shtick. That's her thing, you know. And so, yeah, she'll do that from time to time. We have a meet and greet, and we're going to tell you about it this morning at 7. This morning at 7 o'clock, we will announce our next meet and greet. And we will tell you this. It's next week. And we'll give you the details on it and what we're going to do. It's pretty cool. M1. Rude Dude from Vista. What's going on? Good morning, gang. Good morning. Well, I just wanted to let you guys know, you know, you guys really are, you know, a family, and you kind of become part of, I think, each of our listeners' families. You know, I had a moment yesterday, and I just wanted to share it with you and just let you guys know, you know, how much you really mean and how you affect our lives. Yeah. I was sitting there, and, you know, we had some friends over for dinner, and we're sitting there. We had some really good steaks. Mikey? What kind? What kind? What kind? Just a couple of ribeyes. Nice. Yeah, it was good. And, you know, we're having some dessert, having some delicious pumpkin pie, would you? Yeah. That's so good. And we're sitting there, and I kind of, you know, we're talking, I'm a little distracted, and my plate kind of slipped as I'm nearing the end of my piece. And it fell and fell in my lap.
And, of course, without even thinking, the first thing I do in my most creepy Uncle Jay voice, I look at the rest of the table and I go, pants. Yes. Yes. And then goes the dynamite. That's brilliant. Fantastic, bro. That is fantastic. I've been there. You really touched my life, you know. I mean, you changed me for the better yesterday. Thank you very much. Thank you, guys. Now, when you start, when you start. ordering oysters rockefeller you know sounds so good you are an m1 oh thank you thank you for the call happy 11 11 11 and happy veterans day to uh every veteran had a guy right yesterday on our facebook wall and i could not agree with this more if you're a veteran i you deserve the day off you should not be working today your boss should let you have that day i mean you're a veteran man I mean, in my brain, everything stops with veterans. Yes. Everything. I mean, it's like you just have to show respect to veterans because they did stuff that without them, we're screwed. We're speaking German right now. And so I just, you know, and I'm talking about veterans of any time period.
Just love them. My dad's a veteran. My dad's a veteran. Your dad's a veteran. Two grandfathers that were veterans. And I just think it's so admirable and cool. My nephew's a veteran. Is he? Yeah. That's cool, man. All right. Well, let's get it out of the way. Let's talk about the Chargers. Woods, take it away. You're going to cry? I think I'm going to pass. Oh, no, you're not. Yeah, I'm going to pass. You didn't pass last night. Yeah, I'm going to pass right now. You didn't pass on Facebook, did you? Yeah, yeah, I'm going to pass. They wanted to compare him. Stir the pot. Yeah, I'm a pot stirrer. But, you know, to be fair to me, I'll stir the pot with anybody, even my favorite players. And Phillip Rivers is one of my favorite players. Guy's not having his best year. But I'll tell you what. No kidding. You don't say. He was on his butt 95% of the time. Yeah, maybe block for him. Dude, the guy had. No time to make a play last night. Chargers lose. Basically, at the end of the day, it comes down to they've lost four in a row, 24-17. It seems like just yesterday we were sitting here going, it's fine. They're 4-1. I know they've beaten crap teams, but they're going to be okay. They're 4-1. This is why you get off to a hot start because you can lose a couple here and then you've got Green Bay coming up. You're probably going to lose that, but you'll beat the Raiders. You'll beat the Chiefs. No. Four in a row, they've lost. Michael Bush for the Raiders went.
Nuts. And guess who played him in fantasy football? I did. Went for 242 yards through the air and on the ground. Carson Palmer looked like Johnny Unitas. I mean, just hitting everything, had time to throw. It was awful. It was awful. And I think what summed up the entire game for me was there's five seconds left. Rivers is the only guy trying to make a play with five seconds left from the 50. Gets everybody together. You know, they're on the line. He takes the snap and he drops back. He looks to his left, and there's Creighton, and I think Vincent Brown's standing there. Standing. They didn't run a route. They didn't haul ass down the field for the bomb. They're standing. Rivers looks. Bam. Gets sacked. Sacked six times last night. Lost one fumble through another pick. Should have been two picks. Oh, that's awful. When you look at this team. Well, who's the motivator there? Who gets them? It's their head coach. It's their head coach. Got to go. He's got to go. You can't put it on me. I'm going to. Got to, dude. Got to. Last night before that football game, Woods, I will have you know, I talked to that team about the single most important part of what's been missing. The running game? No. The cornerback play? I didn't talk to them about that. The offensive line? I inspired them. I talked to them about things that need to be talked about. The things that are important. I talked to them about it last night before the game. I said, fellas, it's been four weeks, and three of y'all have not done your open enrollment yet.
And at some point, I'm not your father. All right? I'm not going to hold your hand. Open enrollment meaning benefits? Meaning that Susan from HR has written and said to all of yournames.lastname.nfl.com. You've all gotten the email. All right? That was your pregame? Phillip, you're one of them. You haven't responded. You've got open enrollment that will last. And if you don't fill it out by December 31st, you're going to lose your benefits. Now, if you don't, listen. If you all don't care if you're going to have a dentist next year, fine. Fine. That's on you. All right, Coach. Yes. I know I'm just a woman and an intern and everything. Yeah. That doesn't seem really pertinent right now. Lisa, what you don't understand about coaching men is that sometimes you've got to get rough with them. And that's why I'm telling you all. Wow. That is rough. It just seems like we can probably leave that up to HR. It doesn't really seem like locker room talk, you know.
You're open enrollment. Oh. Fill it out. Fire. You want a pediatrician? What about beat the Raiders? Y'all have kids? I do. I do. If you have kids, you need a pediatrician. You got benefits? Fill all those benefits. All right. And then we got a football game tonight, too, fellas. So go out there and do it up. Oh, boy. Whoa. Inspired. Well, after the game, Norv thinks he knows what the problem is. Well, this team's been through a very demanding last number of days since Monday night game, Sunday game, and a Thursday game. They need to get away from it for a couple days, and we need to come back Monday, and we have a seven-game season. Yeah, for sure. Guys, I need you to take a little time. Has any other teams ever had a...
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Sunday game and then a Thursday night game. Hey, well, I mean, the Raiders. Hey, Raiders did. Take some time, apparently. Hey, listen. You need to get away. Okay. I can't leave. We go to Vegas. Do something. Go see a movie. Yeah, go to a museum. Go to Balboa Park. Have a picnic. Get out of town. That's a total player. Four losses in a row. Listen, you need a breather. You're tired. We need a party. We need a party. You'd go down to In Cahoots and dance. Yeah, go down to Dave & Buster's, play some video games. That's right. Have a ball. Permanent vacation. Yeah. Well, so it was an ugly, ugly game. They were down 17-3 at half, and it's been the story of this team all year that they fight back, and they've got a lot of fight in them, it seems, some of them. There was a play, though, that was another real defining moment. Phillip drops back to make a play, throws it down in the end zone. Now, the Chargers were set up. for this game because three of the Raiders' DBs were out. Okay, they're done. So they had rookies. They had safeties playing corner. They should have picked these guys apart. But the front four for the Raiders dominated the line. So Phillip is throwing balls up when he shouldn't have. And he throws the ball up to Vijay, Vincent Jackson, in the end zone. And Vincent didn't make a move, didn't jump, didn't turn around and look for the ball, and it was intercepted. Oh, boy. And, dude.
And then, you know, I saw Rivers after that. Of course, he's picking himself up, dusting himself off. He just got his claw cleaned again. Yeah. And he's like freaking out, like jump for the damn ball. Yeah. And he goes over the sideline and Norv is like, hey, what happened? And Philip turns around real quick, whips his head around. He's like, I didn't do it. Right. I'm out there busting my butt. I can't throw the ball and catch the ball. But after the game, Phillip was talking about just what's been going down. Look, our guys up front fought the rear end off. We had a couple guys go down with injury. McNeil. Guys stepped up and fought. But, again, you're at a disadvantage already when they know. Neal's done. He's out. They carted him off in the first. A neck injury. Dombrowski fell in? Yes, and got beat for four sacks by Cameron Wembley. Made Cameron Wembley look like Lawrence Taylor. If I were Phillip Rivers and they asked me to talk after the game, At this point, I'd be like, no. I know. I'm going to pass. I'll take the fine. I'll take the fine. I'm not talking. I don't want to talk to you. You get fined if you don't talk? Oh, yeah. That's ridiculous. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, you got to. I mean, it's part of the job. Yep. Part of the job is to. They make a lot of dough. Right. You know, they have to talk to the media. And then the media is always really cool because they phrase the questions really good. Like, they say, what is causing this? Can he just go? Yep.
Oh, yeah, and some guys do. Some guys do. And I think they get fined. They get in trouble, yeah. They get in trouble for that. Well, the coaches don't because I know, like, the interviews with Bill Belichick are legendary. Yeah. He is so bland. He's so bland and is a master at not giving an answer. So, Bill, you guys have looked like you really battled out there today. You came away with the victory. What does this mean to your football team? It means a lot, and we'll carry this in next week. Ann? So what do you think one of the biggest fallouts of this game was? I think we just want to go out there and give our best every week. Hey, Bill. Tom Brady looked really, really sharp today. What did you think of his new haircut? Tom's always on top of his game, so we appreciate it by him. Nancy? So next week you're against the Jets. The Jets have... From the coach down to the players, they've made some pretty lofty claims that they're going to take you down next week. What do you have to say to that? Division rivalry and always a tough game. All right, one last one. Go ahead, Greg. Hey, Bill, what are you going to do to slow down Mark Sanchez in the passing attack of the Jets? Definitely play a good defensive game. Thanks a lot, guys. That's how he answers questions.
And unabashedly doesn't care about not giving an answer. Unabashedly doesn't care. Kind of great, isn't it? Yeah. Phillip River should just do the same thing. I don't know. I wish I could tell you. He can't. He can't. Because he has that fire in his gut, you know, and he's got it. And him and Tolbert look like the only ones that got it out there. Yeah. And Gates a little bit. But, you know, Gates is just beaten down. I mean, he looks like an old workhorse, man. It's just been kicked around. Terrible. Don't know. I don't think we mentioned this yesterday. So excuse me if this is old news, but Eddie Murphy is not going to be the host of the Oscars anymore because he's friends with a guy that is a director and a producer named Brett Ratner. Brett Ratner is the guy that directed this new movie that Eddie Murphy is in. Tower Heist. He did Rush Hour, too. Right. Now, he used a derogatory term for, Brett Ratner did, was doing a press conference about the new movie Tower Heist, was asked a question. What was the question? Do you remember, Woods? Yeah, I heard the audio. He said, they said, so how were rehearsals for this new film? And he says rehearsals is for, is that what he said? He says rehearsals are for, and he used a derogatory term that starts with F.
For gay people. Yeah. And so they fired him as the host, I mean, as the producer for the Oscars because he was supposed to produce the Oscar show. Yep. Eddie was going to host it. And so when they fired Brett, Eddie said, I'm out too. And so they have found a replacement. And the replacement is Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal, folks, the guy that hosted the Oscars. Back in 1994. Let's come out to the show. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. He does like, he is a fan of the sort of, you know, big theatrical Broadway sort of deals. Let's start the show tonight.
That was identical Billy Crystal. Team effort. Team effort, yes. And so there you have it. I mean, if you're a fan of Billy Crystal, you're happy, and all three of you. Just Jewish comedy up there real good. That's what he does. Yeah, he does. That's his bit. I like schmears. Sucks. You know what it takes to make it in a town like this? It takes chutzpah. I'm from New York. That's right. Joomer. That's right. In fact, who could forget? This really hysterical line that he had back in 1992 when Silence of the Lambs was up for an Oscar. Who could forget Billy's hysterical comment? Here we go. I'm having some of the Academy over for dinner. Care to join me? It's a good one, Billy. It's a good one, Billy. I'll tell you what I liked Billy Crystal in the last movie. Monsters, Inc. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. Mike Wazowski. When Harry met Sally, he's brilliant. Never saw it. City Slickers won. Yep. Good one. Yep. Mike. Too lowbrow for our friend. No. No. It isn't that it's low. Okay. I will give it to you. Billy Crystal. Ladies and gentlemen. He had his day. He did. You want to train wreck? That was 20 years ago. Watch Mr. Saturday Night. You'll blow your head off after. It's the worst movie you've ever seen. I'm sure.
I'm sure it is. It's terrible. You scared LLB to death. Yeah. Nicole? So it was a very uncomfortable moment with Governor Rick Perry a couple nights ago when he very brazenly announced that there was going to be three areas of government that he would shut down as soon as he became president. Of course, he couldn't remember the third one. One of the most uncomfortable pieces of audio I've ever heard in my life. We'll play it for you again, but we will also play him talking about it on the Today Show and answering the question whether or not he thinks it ruined everything for him. People are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9.
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Stock up for the week ahead. Don't miss the three-day sale this weekend only. Vons, ingredients for life. Find out this Saturday night who is the baddest man on the planet. It's UFC Velasquez versus Dos Santos. Live and free on Fox. This Saturday night at 6 p.m. only on Fox. Some slowdowns now on the 5. This report brought to you by Firestone Complete Auto Care. You need that extra value from your vehicle. And Firestone Complete Auto Care can help. From oil changes to brake repairs to new tires. Together, they'll keep your car running newer, longer. Call 1-800-LOCATE-US for the location nearest you. If you're taking the 5 southbound, it's getting busy. Coming up toward the 805 to Janesee. 805 southbound also slow coming off the 5 to Mira Mesa. And it looks like we've got a crash 5 northbound connector to the 78 eastbound. This report also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, when it's time to service your Toyota, your best choice is your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Great prices, service while you wait, available Wi-Fi, shuttle service, and more. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9.
Yeah, this is the light. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear. Like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. Jared at CreateYourDesignOnline.com. Also did the website for operationsantasd.org. And, you know, he does websites. He does cards. He does, you know, Christmas cards. He does everything. He does billboards. Anything you need graphic design, that's what Jared does at createyourdesignonline.com. So check it out. We're doing a meet and greet next week. We'll give you the details on that at 7 o'clock.
And we're going to be playing catchphrase here in just a second. And so if you would like to play, you've got to give us a call. And you are going to pick team. How are we doing this? What? Me and you. Are we? Yeah. Since you hate me this morning, maybe we'll probably lose. So, Lauren, I guess you're not going to win again. No, we're going to get back on track. Okay. I thought we were friends. I don't. Okay. I don't. I called you mean. Why do you guys always get weird with each other on Fridays? I know. It is Friday. It's him on Friday. It's him on Friday. I love you. I love you. I love you. Hey, we need a mind meld if we're going to do this thing. I love you. You guys always get weird with each other. Yeah, you guys. What's your deal on Fridays, man? I think it's you guys both get sad that the weekend's coming. Yeah, that could be it. See each other as much. All right, well. That could be it. At some point, we'll debate what it is that. What's wrong with Woods and I on Friday? Sad not get to hang out? It's Woodsy. It's Mikey. Straight up Mikey. Jay says it. I think it's Mikey. Yes. Yes. You pick fights. You pick fights on Friday because you want to make up all weekend long with him, I think. I don't pick any fights. Saturday. Get it? I don't pick any fights. First thing Woodsy did today is tell me how much he hates the Chargers, so I was just upset about it. Oh, my God. You're sensitive on Fridays. I did not say that. You are sensitive on Fridays. But I love you, man. You know that.
With Woods. Yes. Yes. Thank you. It's because you're going to miss him. That's it. Separation anxiety. You're like Woods' pet. Well, I don't know about that. Well, if two people think it, three people think it, then it's got to be true. So, you know, I guess I'll... But he's also slightly more tornadic on Friday. It's true. I am tornadic on Friday. Because he's looking forward to the weekend. Not really. That's it. That's what it is. He's looking forward to the weekend, and you're sad that he's looking forward to the weekend. That's it. I can't see you. Is that Sigmund Freud over here? We did it. Yeah, there it is. We're mind-melting. Already. All right. Kick your butts. Well, I'll work on not missing you so much, Woodsy. I'll work on not being so tornadic. All right. So here's Rick Perry at the GOP debate a few nights ago. He says, listen, when I get into office as president, I'm going to get rid of three branches of government immediately, only he couldn't remember the third one. And it didn't sound uncomfortable at all. It's three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, education.
And the, what's the third one there? Let's see. Okay, so commerce, education, and the EPA. Seriously? Is EPA the one you were talking about? No, sir. No, sir. We were talking about the agencies of government. EPA needs to be rebuilt. But you can't name the third one? The third agency of government, I would do away with the education, the commerce. Oh, no. And let's see. I can't. Oh, I can't. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Oh, man, that hurts to listen to. It's so bad. It's so bad. It stinks. It's monumental. It's, you know. It's moronic. Yes, it'll be remembered forever. Anyway, so he was on the Today Show talking about. making such a dumb mistake. Anyone who has spoken in public and has lost his or her train of thought can feel your pain. Can you describe what happened and what were your emotions in front of millions of people when you lost your train of thought? I will tell you, I don't mind.
saying clearly that I stepped in it last night. But I think I'm kind of like most Americans, and there's so many agencies of government out there we'd like to forget that the Department of Energy was one of those. Backpedaling. Backpedaling. That's right. Works for me. Do the old relate to the American people bit. Hey, look, I'm one of you. I'm just one of you. Hey, look, I'm going to make mistakes. Like you, Ted, out there in the office. I'm sure yesterday you forgot. Look. You forgot. I know. My friend Mike, I know you've done a speech before and got caught up and tripped over your own feet. That's right. And, you know, man, I'm just like you. I want you to know that. Well, he's not the first, you guys. I mean, who could forget this moment with Obama when he was campaigning? He was campaigning to be president of the United States and used a teleprompter. The teleprompter, however, failed and stopped working. Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma.
They end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early, and they got some treatment. Oh, gosh. A breathalyzer. Oh, gosh. Or an inhalator. Oh, gosh. Not a breathalyzer. Oh, gosh. I haven't had much sleep in the last 48 hours, so. Oh, no. What they'll say is, well, it costs too much money. Okay. But, you know what? It would cost. It would cost about the same as what we would spend. Over the course of 10 years, it would cost what it would cost us. Oh, God. Uh-oh. All right. Okay. Okay. We're going to. Okay. It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about... Hold on one second. I can't hear myself. Oh, God. But I'm glad you're fired up, though. Uh-oh. I'm glad. Oh, God. Hey, listen, maybe Rick Perry can still make it. I mean, come on. You know, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has to be up there in front of that thing. And here's what he had to say about it. Will it end your campaign, Rick? One of your fundraisers told the Wall Street Journal simply he just ended his campaign.
Have you thought about ending your campaign? Oh, wow. Are you staying in this race, sir? You know, because you sounded so stupid the other night. Have you thought to yourself, it is, I mean, not only is it over. But have you considered doing like the Japanese emperors used to do when they lost? You know, they would sit Indian style with a big harikusha and they would just right into the belly. Why do you have to assume I'm Japanese? Well, that's not what that's not. No, that's that's not at all what I meant. And to make that characterization is unfair, I think. Look in the mirror, Anne. All right. And you know what today is? It's the 236th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. There was a day to stay in a fight. This is it. You bet I'm going to continue on. And this campaign is about ideas. It's not about who's the slickest debater or whether anyone's made a mistake or not. We're all going to make mistakes. Guys from Texas, Bush, ever...
Mess up. Woods. Oh, boy. Jay. What's the deal? We don't have the best track record of public oratory skills. So, feast. We start drinking real young. That's right. Yeah. Out of mason jars. Yes. M1 Bruno from Oceanside. Who would you like? Team Mike and Woods or Team L.O.B. and Jay? Let me get Mike and Woods. You got it. Hang on a line. M1 teacher from Claremont. You want Team L.O.B.? Or you've got Team LLB&J. Hang on. All right. Now, here's how we play catchphrase. And what do you got as a prize, Jay? It's a pair of tickets to the 2011 Body and Art Expo, the largest tattoo and body art expo going on now through November 20th. Awesome. Yeah. All right. So Jay's coming into the studio. The way that it works is that... We go by entertainment. We've got a little device. Got a little device. Real good. And how's it work, Woodsy? Well, what it does is it's going to give us entertainment clues. And I've got to be able to describe that entertainment clue to you without saying the word. That's right. Yeah, very easy. So it essentially comes down to how well.
Can we describe something to someone? And also, don't forget, it also comes down to how well you can cheat and pretend you don't know the words and take long to pass the divide. Which is a technique used by J.R. Isbell. It is not. That is a true fact. And adopted by Michael R. How dare you. I don't do it. Let me tell you. See, what Woodsy's talking about is there's a timer on that sucker. It's a hot potato. And as that thing starts to wear down, it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It gets real fast. And your heart rate increases as well. Let me just give you, for instance, Jay will get King Kong and he'll go, hmm, it's a, what do you call that kind of animal? What do you call that kind of animal? It's a, it's a, not a dog, not a cat, not a bear. Yep. And then once it starts to really, really beep, he'll go, oh, it's a gorilla. And he was on top of the empire state. True. It's not. It's 100% true. All right, here we go. Come on, let's do this. We're mind-melding. We're mind-melding. Here we go, Libby. She's on the Today Show. Angry. No, she's the other one who replaced Katie Couric. Meredith Vieira. Yes. She is a rapper. She's an African-American. Queen Latifah. No, in that vein, though. It's impossible. She goes by Misdemeanor.
Oh, Missy Elliott? Yep. Whoa. Fake bit. Frankenstein. Oh, God. It was number one at the box office. Yep. Real skinny model. Kate Moss. Oh, God. My favorite band, my closet band. I won't tell them your name. I won't tell them your name. Buffalo. They're from Buffalo. If you would have gone, I won't tell him your name. He goes, I won't tell him your name. I'm like, what banjo band goes, I won't tell him your name. I knew what he meant. No idea. No idea. No idea. What did you say about Missy Elliott before we go on? What was the example? She goes by misdemeanor. It's a little bit of the name. You won anyway. You can't say Missy. Yeah, I didn't say Missy. Misdemeanor is a different word. Yeah, she goes by misdemeanor. All right. We need to get it together. I know it.
All right. It's a way of making fun of something with humor, like a political type thing. No, it's like a genre of a play. It's a genre of a play. It is a theatrical... You're like, oh, we don't really... Satire. Yes! Holy cow! No, I don't know who that is. Okay. She was... Oh, I'm not allowed to do that. Nope. We lose. We lose. We lose. There's a point we can't do that. No, I already turned it. You know who it was? Colin Firth. I would have never gotten it. I have no idea who that is. No idea. But we made a decision we can't go on the next week. We have to do it. Let's do this. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. He's taking all his clothes off. Here we go. Here we go.
Not senior. Junior? Yes. Say how? No. He is an actor. Robert Downey Jr.? Yes. Oh, my God. Thank you. In these movies, the 007 movies? Yeah. Sean Connery. No, they're very foxy. Oh, the Bond girls. All right. This is four words. The second word is like another way to say goodbye. Hello. No. Goodbye. Goodbye. So long. Hola. So long. Farewell. Yes. Farewell to arms. Yes. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Yeah, Jay. This was an era. It was... Hello, my baby. The flapper era. The golden era. The golden age. Prohibition. It was a book called... I hate us. I hate us. Great Gatsby? Yes. What did you say it was a book? F. Scott Fitzgerald. All we need is one more L.O.B. Yeah.
Robert Redford. Robert Redford. Daisy. Here we go. All right, this is a comeback. Don't call it a comeback. Don't call it a comeback. A different name for the toilet. You're going to go to the... The lavatory. The restroom. It's like a guy's name. The urinal. No, it's like I'm going to go... The John. Yes. And his last name is... Candy. Tail, like... Tail or Tel? Like the guy with the arrows. Robin? No. Archer. John Archer. When I'm going to die, I do my... Signature. Will. John Will. John Goodwill. It's a long... Bill. John Williams. What? Oh, wow. Scottish guys play these. Bagpipes. It's like a radio that you carry on your shoulder. Boombox. No! Your favorite guy. You were in love with him. Freaking... Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. What do you wish you luck in the theater? What? Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. Oh, my God. Put it in the theater. All right, here we go. We're on the commentary. What do they wish you luck in the theater? Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm giving you a point, team three. Okay. I'm giving you happiness. Endorphin rush. Oh, man. All right. Are you ready? My brain just got rushed.
Here we go. Oh, I'm so hot. Yes, you are. He makes cologne. He's German. Your first name. Carl. Share your first name. Michael Kors. Yes, sir. Oh, wow. Weird that we knew that. Oh, gosh. Isolate. It's a show on Broadway. It's a show on Broadway. Show on Broadway about people making clothes and Heidi Klum's on there. Oh, Top Model. Yeah, the gay Tim. I don't know what that is. Okay, all right. Product Runway. Close. Project Runway. Oh, my God. Sienna's favorite band. Her dad. Rolling Stones. He's on Late Night TV. David Letterman. Conan O'Brien. Jay Leno. Jimmy Fallon. Cricket. The Cricket. Trevor. Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Kimmel. No. Rebecca's favorite. Piano Apple. Yes, we got it. That is a photo finish where it's a millimeter that they won. It's like a millimeter. It's less than a millimeter. It's the smallest. Like you couldn't squeeze an atom through it. Woods right now feels like he just ran. He just ran a marathon. He was in the lead.
came to the finish line, and somebody shot him in the ankle. Oh, my God. You monstrous monsters. You monstrous monsters. We were on one today. We were melding. Yes. M1 teacher from Claremont. You were mildew. Happy birthday to you. This thing is still going on. Thank you. Excuse me. Lady and gentleman. You got it. They won for you. Hang on. Enjoy the expo. The line. Gosh darn it. It's Fiona Apple. You got it, but it was just, it's a hot potato. Dang it. It's two parts of that game. Gosh darn it. It's so hot in here now. Tried my best. We asked the better. Oh, we were terrible. You guys were pretty bad. You got better. So. L.O.B. said in her recap that she was driving home yesterday and thought about how it was such a shame that she's not a singer. Because she's very, very good at lip syncing and head motions. And she would make one heck of a music video. That's right. I bet. Yeah. It would be so good. It's the truth. Yeah, it is. I've seen it for myself. I used to practice. I would look out the window and act like I was heartbroken. Well, it worked.
Oh, my gosh. My favorite thing to see you do, though, is like Alicia Keys. Yes. And to see her do the head motions, to see, you would think that she is Alicia Keys. Yeah. I was listening to JoJo, that Get Out song. Uh-huh. And I was like, just getting so into it. And I was like, man, I wish I were JoJo. Because I could do a really good music. You could do better JoJo than JoJo. Yeah. Hmm. That's interesting. Why? Do you not sing the lyrics or do you just lip sync? Sometimes I do, but I'm not a good singer. So sometimes I just like, I mean, I can lip sync with it. I won a contest when I was like in second grade. I'm going to film this. This is a different song. I don't know if I know all the words to this. Isn't this the song you were talking about? Wait a minute. What song are you talking about? It's called Get Out. Leave, I think. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. I don't have it, but can you do Alicia Keys? Sure. No, I'm putting you on the spot. You ready? Yeah. That is awesome. I swear, she's singing that song. She's making love to the microphone. She is singing that song. Oh, my God. Very phallic. Okay, I don't know the words. That's the greatest. That's good. That is the greatest. That's really good. Man.
I would love... You know what we should do? Yes. I come up with ideas. We'll never do this. But I'll say, you know what we should do? We should have some sort of an M1 lip sync contest. Because I think they're hysterical when you dress up and the whole thing. MTV used to have that show Lip Service. And I was like, I want to be 18 so I can be on that show. Never heard of it. You never heard of it. No. You had to like... They would be like... And the record would... go to the next track, and it was just your turn. You had to quickly, like, know the song and do it. Oh, so good. Oh, my gosh. Well, my thing is, is that if we had a bunch of M1s and they could decide what they wanted to do, it'd be pretty funny. Yeah. You know? I could do Mick Jagger. Yes. Scott Weiland. You could do Scott Weiland. I did a New Kids on the Block, weird, and it was hanging tough, and I won. Oh, boy. Did you do the... Oh, yeah. I did the whole dance and everything, but I was like... I mean, I was so into it that I won. I was killing Woods before the show started. Just making his life miserable. I played a Backstreet Boys song because we listen to music before we start the show. I played a Backstreet Boys song and then I played a song from Justin Timberlake. And then you guys sang harmonies on PM Dawn together. That's a true statement. That's a true story. We did do that. And I left the room to leave you alone.
When we come back. Oh, by the way, don't forget to vote for us on the R factor because the voting ends today at five for this round. And we have it on our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey show. When we come back, we're going to tell you where we're going to be for our meet and greet. So you can come and hang out with us next week. And also we got an email about a guy whose wife uses sex for something specific with him. And we'll tell you next. Hey, it's 11-11-11. Yes, it is. 11-11-11. Make a wish, my friend. Is that what you're supposed to do? Yeah. When you see it on the clock? Oh, yeah. You're supposed to make a wish? So, anyway, just letting you know. 11-11-11 means that there's going to be more weddings today, too, they said in Vegas. They skyrocket. Oh, yeah. Maybe I should. Oh, it hurts. Woodsy.
Yes, sir. Want to do some news and sports? Let's do it, buddy. A guy was stabbed after the Raider Charger game. So weird. 25-year-old guy in the parking lot. Police say it didn't have anything to do with the rivalry. They got into an argument about something else. Doesn't appear to be life-threatening, which is good. Now, there was also a 24-year-old guy there who was reportedly wearing a T-shirt that said, quote, F the Niners. Oh. And he... is being treated after being shot several times in the stomach. A second victim, a 20-year-old man, was treated for less serious wounds in a separate shooting. That's awesome. Couldn't keep me further away from a Raider-Charger game. Yeah. Could not. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? I am going to tell you about it. About a very big day here in San Diego today. But first, I want to tell you that sports is brought to us today by U31 in North Park. It is North Park's best bar. Well, it is a big day here, my friends. You know President Obama's going to be in town? Today? Yeah, because of the Veterans Day college basketball game that's going to go on today on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson. It's going to be awesome. It's Michigan State against top-ranked North Carolina. And a lot of military personnel are going to be here. Obama's going to be here.
It's going to be really, really cool. And if it does rain, they're going to move it below deck. I told you about that yesterday. It's a pretty cool thing. That's how huge that ship is. But a college basketball game on an aircraft carrier is pretty badass. Also, the San Diego State Aztecs open their college basketball season tonight in Viejas Arena at 7.30 p.m. It's looking a little bleak for them, though. There's going to be seven guys available, and they play five. They only have eight scholarship guys, as it is, and one of their boys got hurt, James Rahon, yesterday. So they're opening their season today. They had a good year last year. Not expected to do as well this year, but we'll be pulling for them. It's at the sports arena tonight. VA House 730, my friend. So this was a press conference that was held yesterday to announce Tom Bradley as the new head coach at Penn State interim. First off, I grieve for the... The victims, I grieve for the families. I'm deeply saddened by that. It's with great emotion that I say that. And, you know, the football part, we will get working on that right away. Right now, I think you should know where our team is toward this whole issue and is toward those children, is toward their families, and our thoughts and our prayers are with them. Now, McQuarrie, Mike McQuarrie, he is the guy that...
Walked into the showers and saw this pervert, sicko, child molesting guy. You can just call it a Sandusky now. Sandusky. He saw Jerry Sandusky in that shower with a boy. And he went, freaked out, called his dad. His dad said, get out of that building because you didn't want him to get hurt. Thought maybe Sandusky saw him. Well, he did see him. He knew Sandusky and the kids saw him. And so he didn't want Sandusky to hurt him. And well, he's under fire right now because people are saying, well, why didn't you do anything? And so he is not going to be coaching because he's coach right now for the for the Nittany Lions. He's not coaching this weekend. Then interim coach Bradley was asked about. Joe Paterno. Coach Paterno will go down in history as one of the greatest men. Maybe most of you know him as a great football coach. I've had the privilege and the honor to work for him, spend time with him, and he's had such a dynamic impact on so many, so many, I'll say it again, so many people and players' lives. And it's with great respect.
that I speak of him and am proud to say that I work for him. Well, so that was yesterday. Woodsy was telling me earlier, you know, it just continues to develop. The stories continue to develop in this Penn State thing. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to the Penn State athletic program ever. Any athletic program, I think. Any. I was talking to a good friend of mine about it yesterday. Scandal in college football. It goes so far beyond football. University scandal ever. I mean, I grew up in Dallas and saw the SMU program get, you know, they had a death penalty. And that was a pretty bad one. This one? And for people that don't know what that is, explain what that is. What the death penalty is?
They take away all college football. There's just no scholarships. There's no football team. They wipe you out. You have no more football team. Yeah, you're done. And then you have to, once you're off of the death penalty, you have to rebuild. They've never been the same. They were a national powerhouse. They've never even been close to the same. Wow. That's terrible. Yeah. By the way, I got this in today. Jerry Sandusky is facing a max of 460 years in prison. That's not enough. That's not enough. Not enough. This weekend. In the National Football League. I had taken San Diego to beat Oakland. As did I. So 0 for 1. Detroit's going into Chicago. I think Detroit is pretty manly. And will take care of Chicago even on the road. I had the same pick, my friend. Detroit over Chi-Town. Jacksonville's going into the winless Indianapolis Colts. And Indianapolis...
Couldn't beat just Woods and I. Right. And we're two fat guys. And so I will take Jacksonville on the road. Yeah, I also took Jacksonville on the road. Maurice Jones-Drew is getting a little bit healthier. And Blaine Gabbert's playing okay for a rookie. So Jacksonville wins. Denver Tebow's heading into the Kansas City Chiefs. And I think people will find this really weird. I picked Denver. That's so weird that you picked Denver. I took the Chiefs. They're on a little bit of a roll right now and can tie the Raiders for first place. Pittsburgh is heading into Cincinnati. Cincinnati, this is my upset of the week. I say Cincinnati wins with a young quarterback and young wide receiver that's starting to be a standout star, A.J. Green. And they win in Cincinnati. Yeah, thank you very much for trading me, A.J. Green, Mike, for Tim Hightower, who you later dropped that same day. I took Pittsburgh. I think they are the better team. And I don't think smoke and mirrors with Cincy, but I don't think they can handle Pittsburgh's D. Buffalo heads into Dallas. Dallas has a quarterback named Tony Romo, which Woodsy compared Phillip Rivers to. I said he's the West Coast Romo. Right now. On Facebook, he said last night that he's the West Coast Romo. It wasn't a slam. And, no, why would it be taken that way? And, of course, I say Buffalo will take it to Dallas on the road. Dallas will win at home.
New Orleans heads into Atlanta. They're too tough. And Drew Brees, too good. New Orleans wins on the road. Yeah, you know, I'm still not sold on Matty Ice in Atlanta, and I'm taking Drew Brees and his experience to beat the Falcons at their house. The St. Louis Rams go into Cleveland where there was a staph infection infection going around. But I say St. Louis wins on the road in another upset. It's so strange. It was a tough pick for me. I went with Cleveland, though I don't know why. Did you know they had an intervention with Peyton Hillis, their star running back? And they said, you get your ass together or get out of here. Well, it looks like he's going to get out of there. The Madden curse lives. Peyton Hillis probably isn't going to play the rest of the year. Cleveland wins, though. Redskins in Miami. I'll take Miami at home, even though they're only 1-7. Washington sucks. They are terrible. And I took them, and I'm changing it to Miami. I'm going to make that note. You just sold me. Okay. Houston goes into Tampa Bay, and Houston is not a bad team, and they don't suck. And I say they beat Tampa on the road. I agree with you, my friend. Tennessee going to Carolina, and listen, the kid looks good. Cam Newton.
I think will be the real deal, even though the team's only 2-6. I'll take Carolina at home. You know, I took Tennessee because Matt Hasselbeck has been playing pretty good football, man. I'm going to take Tennessee on the road. Arizona heads into Philly, and I have not been picking Philly much this year. But this time I am. I take Philly at home. Yeah, I took the Dream Team, too. Hopefully they'll be able to man up on... I didn't name them. They named themselves the Dream Team. They call themselves the Dream Team, and they will win. Baltimore goes into Seattle. I don't think that the Ravens have a hard time with the Seahawks. Offense, Baltimore wins on the road. Yeah, come on. Giants going to San Francisco. San Francisco is legit. Yep. 7-1. I take them at home. Got to, dude. Got to. They're nasty. Minnesota heads into the undefeated Green Bay Packers. And they're going to continue to be undefeated. They will win this game at home. Trap game. Trap game. Green Bay wins. New England heads to the Jets. Ooh, good one. And yeah, that's a good game, but I say the Jets win at home, and that will be a second loss in a row for the Patriots. I took the Pats to beat foot and mouth Rex Ryan and the Jets. There you go. So those are our football picks. Woodsy, what is your...
What is your pick this week? My lock of the week. I've been turding on these. I've got to go with Baltimore over Seattle. And I will take, as my lock of the week, Houston over Tampa Bay. I don't think there's any chance that Tampa wins that game. This email is fascinating to me. 570-1949. Tell us what you think about it. Mikey, first off, love you guys. You make waking up so much easier. I have a weird question. I was just wondering if anybody else's wife does this. My wife uses sex as a reward. Only if I do my, quote, wife-appointed chores do I get sex. She will hold sex over my head if I don't do everything she has asked me to do. Do you think this is fair? M1 Samson. No, I don't think it's fair. I think that if your wife wants some, you give it to her. And I think that if you want some, she gives it to you. And L.O.B. could not disagree with that more. Sometimes you're tired. Well, I speak from a girlfriend, not wife experience. So I just want to caveat that. Explains it. A little bit weird right there. Sorry, Matt. Hi. Guy's just waking up, you know. Is he? Yeah. Where do you stand on that, L.O.B.?
What's that? Well, wife. You know, I'm saying, listen, if you do your chores. What? It's hard to get guys to help out around the house. Is it? Yeah. What do you guys care? What effort does it take for you to do stuff? You want the nookie or not? What effort does it take for her to lay there? What? You're doing it wrong. It's not rape, Woods. I didn't say it was rape. Just lay there. Hey, listen. Just lay there, will you? I mean, listen. How much effort? How much effort? How much effort does it take for you to just lay there? Yeah. You don't have to be good. You just have to be there. Oh, boy. Isolate. That's the difference in men and women, pal. Keeping your wife happy, I guess. Oh, boy. Sweep every wine. Just lay there. I'm saying, in a pinch. Listen. What's wrong with, hey, if she's in the mood, you give it to her. And what's wrong with, hey, if I'm in the mood?
You give it to me. L-O-B just said, I'm tired. Come on. Actually, it's more work for us. It's not. It's more work for us. It's more work for us. We have something that may or may not function. We've got to focus. No, if you focus too much, it's a bad thing. You have to focus? For girls? Oh, for guys. Yeah. We'll help you focus. My skin crawls. You have to really want it. You guys dust you with a feather and you're ready to go. I've done a lot of dusting. I like that. That is unfair. Yeah. Well, that's why you got to do your chores. That's why you got to do your chores. It'll make me really happy and then I'll get turned on. Happy wife, happy life. Exactly. Does that really turn, I mean, and I wonder if this is a physical thing because I've heard women say it and I think that they're saying it like it's a figure of speech. Like, it turns me on when my husband, like yesterday, you know, I talked about how.
I'm not a big diaper changer, and I was very convicted and shamed, rightfully. And I went home yesterday, and the boys didn't have a diaper, but I'm changing diapers. Good for you. I am. Did you change some diapers? Well, yesterday there was no diaper change. But you will. Yes. I will, even if my wife's listening. I want her to hold me accountable to it because I felt bad, you know? Are they right at the verge of potty training now? No. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I got to make a caveat to that. If Jay has one, done deal. But I really want to get better at that. But does it really turn a woman on? Yep. A guy does something. No, no, no. It's for real. No, they want something done. I like to come like the behind. Oh, L.O.B. Come on. Look. No, no. I'm not laughing about that. You creeps. God. I'm saying I like to be like, look what you did. And then once I get all frisky, then. Yeah. So you're saying.
That if you came home and when you left the place is a mess, you come home and it's all cleaned up. And he's like scrubbing like the top of the, I'm like, hey, what'd you do in here? I'll come behind. Do you believe that's a lie? Yes, I do. I believe that they want the kitchen clean. And that they're like, hey, you clean the kitchen, I'll slay you. Only reason I think it's a lie is because that's not ever turning a guy on. No. A guy's not like, ooh, am I in the mood now? Guys are always in the mood. Girls like deeds. If you do stuff for them. That's true. Honeydew. I mean, and the thing is, I'm not married, so I never say, like, can you do this or whatever. But when I was living with Matt and he would just do stuff and I'd come home to it, I'd be like, oh, yeah. Did you take the garbage out? It smells like pine saw in here. Oh, my. I am turned on. Living fresh. Wow. You.
Get some. Come over here and make love to me. I was just cleaning the sink. I mean, I wasn't like. I wasn't trying. It was filthy. I did. Oh, man. Yeah. Look at your forearms when you scrub. Yeah. Make it right. Do I make you horny? When you clean, you do, apparently. That's what does it for her. Yeah, that and also, you know what else does it? Peanut Noir. That'll do it every once in a while, too. Well, here's the thing. Figuring out women sometimes and what makes that whole thing go off is kind of like the Da Vinci Code. So if you've got the lock and the key, just turn the freaking lock. There should be a book that says, if you want to make us horny, do this. It's different for every girl. If that's what gets her, then just do it. He has to earn it. You've got to figure out their combination. Just putting in hours. Take their luck. Putting in hours at the office, got to come home, freaking clean, iron. Yeah, great. Exactly. Perfect. See, I mow the yard. That's really intimate. Yes. I'm very intimate. Kim loves it. Now, Jay came up with some ideas yesterday, and one of them kind of trapped me.
Because it's going to do good for people. Yes. My idea is show us your cans. I looked at him. I go, dude, come on. You've got to have real ideas. You can't just do a bit every week. You can't just come in and say dirty stuff in the league. Yeah, it's funny. Hey, Mike. Wiener. Great. That's it. Thanks, Jay. Okay. Is that it? But his idea was that we do a meet and greet. And so we're going to. We're going to do a meet and greet at Dave and Buster's next Friday. Bam. Bam. And we are going to go out there. At what time, Jay? Well, we're going to start collecting cans at 9 a.m. The promotions crew is going to be down there while we're still on the air. Okay. As soon as we get off the air and get out of here, we're going to head down there. Right. And we're going to keep collecting cans. And everybody who donates gets a $10 gift card to Dave and Buster's. Bam. Wow. Awesome.
Now, we're going to stay out there until 1 o'clock, and we're going to really encourage everybody, and we're going to be telling you about this from now until next Friday, really encouraging people to go out there and bring cans with you. You get it, Mac? Yes, Mac. Show us your cans. Show us your cans. Big cans. Little cans. We love them all. I love cans. I ain't picky. Chunky soup cans. One of them in my face. Bring the cans and put them in my face. Why would anybody want to put a can? Here's the cans. Ella B. right now is letting Woods press a bottle up against her face like it's a can. Just to illustrate for Jay, Jay, this is what that would look like. Oh, I like it. That's hot. That's hot. Now.
All the food is going to be donated to San Diego Food Bank. The person who donates the most food is going to win a huge concert package to the FM 94.9 Hootenanny. Wow. Now, check this out. Now, that means that you've got to bring a bunch of canned food items. If you bring the most. Now, in the past, when Jay has done this, people have brought a truckload. Right. And that's what we want. We're going to have an industrial size scale out there to weigh this stuff. And that's what we want. We want you to come out and give a lot of cans at Dave and Buster's. Hang out with us. It'll be a hang, too. So you can come out, park, give your stuff, and whoever brings the most is going to win that thing. Plenty of parking there. Plenty. Oh, plenty. Plenty of parking. And it's a freaking blast. We're going to have a blast. Mm-hmm. If you've never played the lip read challenge, now is your chance. We get three opportunities to figure out what Jay is saying to us behind soundproof glass. 570-1949. And if we can do it, we'll win for you. Call us right now and pick Jay, or excuse me, pick me, Woods, or L.O.B. And as long as we can figure out what he's saying, lip sync, you win.
Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell him the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Shut up. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. We can't say enough good things about the new 2012 Ford Focus, but two points are definitely worth repeating. 40 MPG, 169 a month. Yes, it offers available hands-free sync technology. 40 MPG, 169 a month. It has over a dozen class-exclusive features. 40 MPG, 169 a month. Its sleek new design will be the envy of your friends. 40 MPG, 169 a month. But all you really need to remember is that... Ford Focus's one incredible car, 40 MPG, at one incredible lease payment. Just $169 a month for 27 months with $27.78 Do It signing. This offer won't last long, so hurry to your San Diego County Ford dealer.
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Sponsored by the California National Guard. Aired by the California Broadcasters Association and this station. Find out this Saturday night who is the baddest man on the planet. It's UFC Velasquez versus Dos Santos. Live and free on Fox. This Saturday night at 6 p.m. only on Fox. Innovative career choices are waiting for you at California College San Diego. Books and laptop included in your tuition. Call 1-800-390-6489 to start on your new career path today. Still wrapping up a problem on the 15, this report brought to you by the Port of San Diego. Come on down to the waterfront November 12th through the 20th for America's Cup World Series Racing on San Diego Bay. For more information on this exciting sailing event, go to thebigbay.com. Well, looks like on the Scripps Poway Parkway on-ramp to the 15 southbound, it was where a couple of big rigs tangled up. They're now off to the right shoulder. And if you're taking the 5 southbound, I'm seeing a lot of slowing now.
Coming away from Maine, headed down toward the 905. This report also brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union. Spend freely. Navy Federal's everyday checking comes with a free debit card and zero monthly service fees. Visit NavyFederal.org for details. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird. you can imagine. We're supposed to be getting some new West Northwest swell and some Southwest Maybe need a thigh high at some of the most open areas. Otherwise, pretty much, like I said, lake-like. Better day to do something else, and that's what I'm going to do. For up-to-the-minute surf reports and forecasts, go to surfline.com, and tomorrow night we'll see you at Bird Surfshed for Stoked and Broke and Under the Sun. The Authentic Surf Report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report.
Sorry to be the one who has to tell you. Oh, my God. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. Mikey. He sees the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower, and I have very little hair, and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good, and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like. And Jay. Please grow up. On FM 94.9. Token. You're going to hear me say it now, between now and 10. When I do, call number nine. Get some Lyftik and some Mammoth. You should slow dance with your wife to this. Yeah, this was our song. So she walked down the aisle, too. Yes. It's a great song on Rock Band. So hard to play. Listen to that as you're falling asleep. Okay. Let's do the lip read challenge. Now, we need somebody to select each of us. M1 Sponger from Escondido. You want who? Mike. Okay, cool. If I can get it.
If I can figure out what Jay's saying, then you will win. Hang on. M1 Irie Panda from San Diego. Who do you want? Okie Dove. You got it. Hang on. And M1 Ellie from El Cajon. You've got L-O-B. Hang on, okay? Right. All right. The way that we do it is that Jay is in an isolated room. Isolate! And it's soundproof. And so when I take my headphones off, I cannot hear a thing. And he is going to... say a phrase. And I have to try to read his lips. And it is not always easy. Good idea. Jayce, turn all the headphones down. You guys got to turn your headphones down low. And my headphones are now killed. Okay, taking off my headphones and we got to make sure I cannot hear a thing. I can see your lips moving, but I cannot hear a thing. So the audience can hear what he's saying. I have to figure it out. And I will, if I don't know, I have to say one more time. I get up to three tries. If I can't get it in three, then I'm out of luck. All right, here we go. My name is Mikey, and I have a possum tail. Okay, I know the first part for sure. I know the first part for sure. I'm going to ask you to say it again. My name is Mikey, and I have a possum tail. Oh, man, it's hard. It's hard for me to get that second part. What is that second part? Okay, now.
What he does is I want you to do what you do with everyone else, which is go slowly at the end. Here we go. I want you to go slowly. Here we go. This is it. My name is Mikey, and I have a possum tail. Everyone's laughing. Oh, man. My name is Mikey, and I have plans for you. Jerk. What did he say? My name is Mikey and I have a possum tail. I didn't get that. Surprisingly. I didn't expect that. What is that? I don't know. He has a little keloid or whatever and he can hang from it. Something on your butt. Yeah. I don't. I had it removed. You can hang from it. Our new phone screener just made a face.
That said... She goes... How long was it? It was like six inches, right? No, it wasn't. Like an eighth of an inch. You could hang from that? That's amazing. No, people couldn't hang from it. People? Humans. He's killing himself. No one could hang from it. He's killing himself. He gets it. It was a thing that I had, okay? All right, Woods, it's your turn. It's your turn, and we're going to turn our headphones down low, L-O-B, and got to see if Woods can hear anything. Okay, here we are. This is a test. Nothing. Can't hear a thing. Here we go. All right, here we go. Here he goes. You don't lie to me. You lie to women. You don't lie to me. You lie to women. What? You're a CIA. Gosh darn it. How do you know that? Well, and that's a phrase that makes sense, by the way. Yeah. Hi, my name is Mikey, and I part cans of tuna. I part my hair like a pioneer wagon. You don't have any hair. Like a pioneer wagon. All right, L.O.B., take those headphones off. All right. And turn your headphones down, Woodsy. Down low. Yeah, yeah. Here we go.
Can you hear anything? Can you hear me? Nothing. I want the embrace of a tall, dark, and handsome man. Declaration of Independence? How long is this? You want another one? Yeah. Number two. I want the embrace of a tall, dark, and handsome man. Wow, that is a long phrase. Do one more slower, I guess. I want the embrace. Of a tall, dark, and handsome man. That's a creepy face. I want the points as long as it keeps coming. What did he say? I want the embrace of a tall, dark, and handsome man. Ah. That short phrase. That old heck mean phrase. In the beginning, there was light. And then, on the... Holy cow. Wow. That was a little bit... I was close, I guess. So... M1 Irie Panda, you're the only winner today. Woods won for you. Woods is a spy. Woods is a spy. Hang on the line, okay? All right, thank you. When you've been creeping on women as long as I have, you learn to read lips. Yeah. I guess so. Just work in the bars, watch, see if they're talking about you. That was back in the day. Jacef's girlfriend's on the phone. Kim? No, that's his wife. That's his wife. His girlfriend.
His girlfriend, Elizabeth. Ah. Can you put her on hold? Go ahead. You can put her on hold. Hi, Elizabeth. Hi, how are you? Ah, little angel. This is Jay's biggest fan. He's playing along at home. Oh, shirt shimmy, shirt shimmy, shirt shimmy. He doesn't like when I take her calls. I also do. Oh, it makes him uncomfortable, though. Is he doing a cute thing where he puts his sweater over his face? What is she talking about? Yes, he is. But I'm actually calling in for a reason today. I don't know if they told you. What is it? Oh, I've been trying for a week, so just so you know. Well, we have a new phone screener, which may be the reason. You've been trying to get through for a week? Well, they didn't seem to know I was like the Elizabeth that you guys love, that Jay loves. You know what I mean? Like they didn't know if it was me or not. If I had known.
Elizabeth, that you were calling, I would have had you on the air right away. Our adorable little Chris that screens phone calls for us yesterday was his last day. Today is Nicole's official first day, and she put you right through. Well, he was training her all week, and he didn't have time for nonsense calls. Well, maybe, yeah. I mean, I'm kind of like a VIP line or something. I don't know. But I have like a sales pitch. Well, I think it could be a sales pitch. I've already, well, I've been trying this for like a month, but I'll tell you what it is, and you can tell me what you think, and you have to just have an open mind, or you could do like a poll to see what your listeners think, because I think people would love it. Okay. I want to make a J doll, and think of like, because I was thinking the holidays are coming. We don't have to do a poll. I love it. Yeah, I kind of love it. I'm all the way in. Tickle me Elmo. Think tickle me Elmo, but, like, tickle me Jay. You know? Like, we could make something, like, a doll. Do you sew? Yeah, and then we could have him recording, like, different noises that the doll would make when you tickle him, you know? And what, you know, how, like... I think I know what that might sound like. Yeah. So you tickle him, and you would hear oysters. Yeah. Or...
You tickle him and you would hear. Hopefully she gets put in the general populace. General populace. It's not a bad idea. It's brilliant. It's a bad idea. That's the best. It scares me a little bit. It scares you. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know. Whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. Come on, Jay. You would love it. Can you imagine tickling a little doll that looked like Jay and then hearing. A flea flicker. It's my dream. Oh, it's my dream. That's great. And I think that you probably, Elizabeth, need to patent the idea as soon as you can. And now it's on the loose. Anyone can take it, right? I would do something about that very quick. Well, if anyone's listening, it's already patented. So don't even... Try. It's probably not easy to do, so. To make dolls? Yeah. Well, yeah, and you know what? You can go to China. I've already tried it, and my older brother is, like, a huge nerd, like, science nerd, kind of like Jay, but not as cute. Wow. Well, who is Elizabeth? Yeah, who is it, really? He's been helping with the idea. Like, he could do all of the, like, technical stuff, and I'm doing, like, the.
artistic stuff. So I have a picture of you I want to base it off of. But I feel like if I start selling these in malls that have little booths, they could blow up. I bet she backs out and he's like, well, see, I showed you. Yeah, I bet she backs out and he's like, well, see, I showed you. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I bet she backs out and he's like, well, see, I showed you. I wasn't ready for that. Listen, there would have to be an option. If you had a favorite, there would have to be an option where you could just keep playing the same one. Yeah, repeat, repeat, repeat. There's a repeat button. Yeah, so if you like the Taylor Swift. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. Different parts of his body you tickle, he says. Yes. Kind of like real life. Chances Jay would use that as a bedroom prop. Do you hear how everything he says, she's like... She sniggles. The sexual tension is just... You guys should just go and make sex to each other. Stop it. It's palpable. I know. It is palpable. You guys, everyone listening, including you, Elizabeth, knows that he's married, right? Married happily. Yeah, you know, but... Just a joke, sees...
One of the things I love about him. The Denver Broncos. You know, and his wife would probably want a doll, too. It's not like, you know. She loves a lot of Mikey's coins. Coin slot at the Mikey-thon. She thinks it's so cute when he does it. She thinks it's so cute. Well, Jay, since I've got you here, what kind of outfit do you see yourself wearing? Like, what are you wearing right now? Sure. Wow. I thought it'd be a silly question. Video game for the Nintendo. Shorts and a t-shirt. Shorts and a t-shirt. You know who he dresses like, Elizabeth? Who? Aston Kutcher. No, don't. No, he dresses like the guys from Blink-182. Adam says, today I'm mismatched. Adam came in and said... Did you wear turtlenecks?
I just feel like that would change my opinion about you a little bit. He does. He does wear turtlenecks. And mom jeans. Yep, he wears turtlenecks and mom jeans. And he has this jacket he always wears. It's got patches on the elbow. He looks like a professional. Not true. And he has a pager. Don't believe him. Well, the thing about his turtleneck is... Yeah, it sticks out of his dockers. Well, the cool thing about his turtleneck, too, is he'll oftentimes wear a necklace outside the turtleneck. It's a gold chain. But Woods, it's not a real turtleneck. It's just a dickie. It's a dickie. So you can actually see the outline from his V-neck, thin sweater. Very much like Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. Now, he's also started something kind of new as a trend. He'll wear... Girls' jeans that are low cut. Yes, yes. So that you can just see. It's big in North Park. Yes. Huge in North Park. Send me some images of how you see, like in all seriousness, of how you see yourself as a doll. I could try to, you know, I'm kind of an artist, you know, budding artist. I could make it look as much to your looking as you want. Maybe I just can pose for you.
Yeah, why don't you do that? Jay, don't be a creep. Why don't you do that? Hey, listen, Elizabeth. Yeah. We're going to put you on hold, and Jay has just agreed to go. No, I'm not. Yeah, you did. No, no, no, no, no. I said maybe. I don't know. 100%. Maybe. You are going to. Jay is going to come over to your house. I am not. He just said he's going to go over. Yeah. It would be wrong. It's a studio. It's professional. It's a professional studio. You should put him in a kimono with a tuckback. He would look really good. But do you get where I'm going? He said he's going. Oh, I know. Yeah, he's going. It's a done deal. He's going. He's setting up the appointment. Yes. I want a J-Doll. This is so exciting. I knew it. Elizabeth asked and answered. Yeah. He is going. Identical J-Doll. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Oh, that is it. That's it. And I could give you like, you know, I mean, we'll talk business later, but there's going to be, you know, I want to taste. So you're really going to do it. You're really going to make it. You're really going to make it. Yeah. All right. Well, hey, great call. Just remember. Didn't say that I shall not kill. And also remember. And then.
Don't forget. I guess it's irrelevant. Yeah, I bet she backs out. He's like, well, see, I sold you. Video game for the Nintendo. We're looking to get a skateboard. I just don't want to get discharged too much money for it. Context. 70s. Tim Conway. Don Knox flick. Filled gold. kicker. I saw a lot of Mikey's coin slot at the Mikey-thon. Ben Rothensbergen. And there's Marty Shuttenheimer. You got that right, by the way. There you go. There it is. I just had a really good idea. We could do different outfits for American Girl dolls.
Yeah. It's a little childish. All the way in. All the way in. I want one. All the way in. All right. That's great. I will. Listen. Time to get to the drawing board. All hell. I want to be your partner in this. Invest. I'll invest. I'll invest. I will buy one. Oh, my God. If you'll really do it, I think it's great. Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Elizabeth, in all seriousness. Jay's going to your studio. I am not. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You have to go with me. You used to be a nude model. I'm not going to go. My wife won't let me. You shouldn't have opened your mouth. Yeah, you said it. My wife won't let me. You said it. And I won't let me. Who wears the pants in your house, pal? She does, clearly. Man, Jay. Like, it's not going to be creepy. It's not creepy at all. Why would it be? Yeah. What's creepy about looking over a man and doing a sketch of him? His nude body. Of his body at a Starbucks so that you can make a doll out of him. And then stick pins in him. You need, like, a visual, you know. Tickle me Jay. Tickle me Jay. My brother knows all about this. We heard about your brother. All right. Well, I am going to put you on hold now.
I'm going to put you on hold and we're going to find out where you're at. And Jay is going to go to your home. Yes. Studio. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You said that you were going to go. You can't say no, no, no, no, no. You already said that. Are you all talk, Jay? I'm all talk. What's all this talk? I'm all talk. What's your flock going to think? They're going to think I'm a good man for a night meeting. I have an idea. Why don't we do a poll? Let's do a poll. Can we let a poll decide it, Elizabeth? I'm afraid she does want to do a poll. Okay. Subtle. We are going to say, do you want Jay to go to her home studio on our Facebook page? I don't care what they say. Hey, you said it. You said it. I was being facetious. Do you want Jay to go to M1 Elizabeth's home studio? And if they say yes, one of the perks will be that there's more of a chance of the J-Doll. So, I mean, so they all should know. That's right. Okay, we get it. Oh, God. Oh, boy. You're a misogynist, L.O.B. Thank you, L.O.B. Wow, excuse me. Wouldn't a misogynist hate women? You can't stand Elizabeth and her... Elizabeth. Her brilliant idea. No, no, no. I really like the idea. It's just...
Okay, I get it. I love... I'm used to people being jealous. Clearly. Oh, my God. I got to go. I got to go. I got to run. I got to run. I got to run. So uncomfortable. That's an uncomfortable thing right there. That's really... I can't look at LB. She is... Oh, the vein's coming out. The vein's coming out. The vein's coming out. The vein's coming out. The vein's coming out. Why are her hands clenched in fists? Elizabeth, eject. And I'm going to tell you to eject. And the reason I'm going to tell you to eject, she's from Jersey, okay? Oh, I'm not upset. I can hear the edge. You know, it's like you could think of your own idea and you wouldn't be jealous. Here's the thing. Here's the reason why I'm not jealous. And I don't think that you actually experience a lot of real jealousy. Maybe some made-up jealousy. If you hadn't seen me, first of all. No, but if people were lined up around the black, you wouldn't have to call into a radio station. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. What's his leg down on the big bag? What's his leg down on the big bag? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. It's not because I have to. It's because I want. Do you think I sit around all night thinking about J-Dolls? Yes. Maybe. Exactly. I do.
Maybe. It's a choice. It's not because I don't have other options. I could make my boyfriend doll if I had a boyfriend, but I want to make a J doll. Like you haven't. Yeah. L.O.B. You don't. Listen, Elizabeth, I've experienced when L.O.B. unleashes her fury. Yeah, we all have. And you don't want it, Elizabeth. You don't want it. I just think it's towing the line of it was a cute idea and now it's getting a little creepy like this is a married man, okay? Well, I want to know, Jay, what do you think? Yeah, Jay. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Jay. Right. Well, you could get his phone number instead of calling the radio station. Are you jealous because you want to donate a view? No, I don't actually. Oh, wow. Jay is coming out of his skin. Jay is coming out of his skin. It's almost as if you can hear his heart pounding through his chest. There are some moments in radio that I want to take the bread and sop it up. And the reason that I do is because it's very memorable and it's not going to happen again. Woods, by the way, is in the fetal. Woods is in the fetal position. How about we put a poll up to see if we should continue putting these conversations on the air or if Jay should just give Elizabeth his phone number. Hey, Jay's not giving his phone number to anyone.
Well, apparently Elizabeth and L.O.B. are going to be best chums. Yes, I can't wait. You guys should get in the ring. I can't wait until you guys meet in person to do the studio thing. Mud wrestling. Mud wrestling. And then I'll come and hang out in Chaperone. Oh, wow. Oh, there you go. Sounds like you guys are going to be fast. I'd like to make you a doll, too, because I feel like that's what you're kind of, you know, asking. No, I don't want a doll. Please, no doll. Probably wouldn't sell as well anyway. I don't think it would, actually. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Okay. All right. All right. All right. We need to go to break. I know we do. I know we do. I know we do. Elizabeth. Elizabeth should make a doll of herself and sell it since she's so fabulous, actually. I should. You totally should. Oh, my gosh. I would totally buy it. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Thank you, Elizabeth. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. L.O.B. will get you. On a scale of one to ten, that was L.O.B.'s one. Oh, yeah. And I could tell. Like, she was... I'm sorry, but I'll cut you with my fingernails and my teeth. Because I like Kim Isbell, and I don't want you encroaching on her territory. Stop flirting with her, Jake. Stop flirting with her. Stop sending her emails.
Gosh, and why did you accept her friendship on Facebook? I did not. You're cell-dogging at this moment. Welcome back. It's a Mikey show with a live studio. Hey, on the phone with us right now, this is M1 James from Santee. Are you there, James? James, go ahead. Hi. Hello. Hi, James. Can you hear me? Hey, what's up? Hey, what's going on? Sorry, man. It's all right. This is M1 James. I'm with the Santee Fire Department. Sweet. And we're having our 13th annual pancake breakfast here at the fire station. It's from 7 a.m. to 10.30 a.m. All the proceeds will go to the Warrior Care Initiative Armed Services YMCA. Sweet. It's $5 for adults, $3 for seniors, 65 and older, and children are $3. It's today and tomorrow.
and also we're serving pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee, and juice. Brilliant. Thank you. The coffee's actually from one of the local coffee shops here in Santee. All the firefighters are here cooking the breakfast for everybody. That's awesome. And also the San Diego County Sheriff's Department's also involved. So anybody would like to come out and have a firefighter cook your breakfast? Thank you, James. Been there. That's right. Thank you, James. Woodsy just came back. Thank you. Woodsy made me a coffee. He's a sweet man. He's a sweet man. Sweet, sweet man. We have a very, very white audience today. I'm the token Mexican. Bunch of whiteys in here. Bunch of whiteys. 570-1949. We have a lot of people supporting LOB right now. Yes! Finally! M1 Dawn from San Diego. Oh, my God. I so agree with LLB on this. Thank you. Because she started out Elizabeth as being funny, but now she's just creepy. Agreed. I still love her. I still love her. I think she's phenomenal. And for the record, I was in on the doll. I was. You know what her new name should be? It should be Buffalo Jill. Yes! Oh, my gosh. Buffalo Jill. Yeah, she's going to turn his skin into dolls. You know what I love? I love...
Girls are not just outwardly aggressive with one another. They have to insult each other by going, well, it's going to be fun for you today because I'm sure you have lots of things to do. You know why you'll really like this? It's because you don't have anybody in your life. There'll be so many single guys there. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. He makes the cake. Right. Well, Jay's going to her house later today. I am not going to her house. In a kimono. Yeah, he offered. I am not. You're showing up at her house today. You're going to be in a kimono. Salt and peppered up. Salt and peppered up real good. It puts the lotion on the skin. Or else it cuts the hose again. Thank you for the call. Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. We're at Starbucks. So, will I get a take of the doll? That's what I was thinking, actually. This person with me is my lawyer for distribution. I'm sure we could talk about some of that later. I'm putting on my lip liner right now. Blot, blot, blot.
I just got a visual image of Jay with lip liner. I have oftentimes put Jay's head on James Gump's body when I've seen that movie. With like a pantyhose on his head. It's called the double cream. Yes, it is. M1, Randy from La Jolla, what was the word of the day? That is correct. You are a sly one, Mr. Grinch. There you go. All right, hang on the line. How's that coffee, pal? Did I get it right? Delish, dude. Two Splendas? I'm serious. No. Oh. I didn't taste it. Did you really put two Splendas? Yeah. How much do you want? One? Too sweet? Oh. He just spit it out. You are such a diva. You are Elton John and I quit. I'm sorry. Give it to me, diva. That was a setup. Give it and you spit it back in the tub. Mr. Ed, you put a sugar cube? It's like putting a straight sugar cube. I use three. You're a monstrous monster. No, I use three. Two? I put two in here because I thought you only used two. You like a little coffee with your sugar. Splenda. That's so bitter. You know who didn't get too much sugar in their coffee? It's not sugar. It's Splenda. That's no good, huh? All right. Tell me how you like it. I'll do it. I just put one. Okay. One and cream. Okay. Is that about the right color? Yes.
It was real sweet. I feel as though you were set up for that. I swear I wasn't. Why would I go make him a coffee? I love you! No, I just wanted to make sure he liked it. I love you! Make sure I get it right. Well, Chris is gone, and I guess I'll be coffee again. I love you! He is a good friend and a lover. It's almost like it was more comfortable when Elizabeth was on. Touch my body. Touch my body. Now? I'm not going to touch your body. He is a good friend and a lover. I'm not saying any of these things. I love you! These are all recorded little drops. I bowed Ashton Kutcher. I didn't say that! I didn't say that, dude! I'm not saying it. He's playing it. I'm not saying it. He's playing it. It's disgusting. You and I and Jay and L.O.B. are going to lunch today. I'm in. Not happening. Can't do it. I'm skating today. Unless you guys want to go somewhere healthy. Which you won't do. It's Motivember. It's Motivember. You guys just following up real good? Huh? Following up with Motivember real good? Yes. Where would you like to go today? Oh, I don't know. Maybe where Woods went yesterday. Maybe McDonald's or... How the F did you know that? How did you know that? I have no ways. Magnum. I have no ways. You went to McDonald's yesterday? Yes! Yeah, big deal! Wow. I know.
How? I saw him there. No, you didn't. No, I didn't see him there. But I will show you exhibit A. Did my wife? My wife did something. Get my wife on the phone. Dirty picture. Do not, don't scan. Just grab the phone. Oh, I'm scanning. Actually, just look. What is that? Let's do it. Zooming in. Oh, son of a bitch. She got me. This morning, when I came into work. Why are you looking in my car, you creep? I couldn't help it. You were parked so close to me. You're a sex pervert spy. Him and Jay both have these monstrous trucks, and they leave the tiniest space. So I had to slink out of my car this morning, and I was like, huh, what is that? I wasn't alone, L.O.B. I'm not going down alone, and I refuse to be dragged down into this by myself. What do you mean? The Coffee King was with me yesterday at McDonald's. I'm not going down by myself, pal. You don't have to throw me under the bus. Don't I? You said you had three teaspoons of coffee ice cream making me feel all bad for you. We didn't want Motivember. We don't like it. We don't want it. We didn't want it. It's your thing. You guys had to do one.
It's your thing. If you came to lunch with us ever, we would do it. Yes. Would you? Yes. You guys had one thing you had to do. No fast food. I had a salad. Did you? From there, liar. And a lemonade. By salad, he means a number one. The lettuce and pickles on the number one. Yes. Here's the deal. Leave us alone. Here's the deal. Hey, listen. A Big Mac has vegetables. It does. Yeah. And it has... It has vegetables like some protein. Would you get a Diet Coke, too? I got a regular Coke. I got a medium fry because I'm not a pig. And why are you staring in cars? Yeah, what are you doing? What are you, riding in cars for boys? Freaking peeping talk. I was not. I want tacos and burritos. Let's see what we have here. I literally had to sneak by like James Bond this morning, like Tom Cruise on the ledge during Mission Impossible to get out of my car. Because he parked. And I was like, that liar. I forgot to show you this earlier. I should have posted it on Facebook on your wall. Oh, monster. I guess. Oh, boy. Oh, here we go. And here we go. The Friday spill. Here we go.
And now it's on. She spills something. And now it's on. She spills something in this studio. That's called karma. One time a week. One time a week. Sniffing around mine. One time a week. Sniffing around my car. That's what you get. Protective case. That's what you get. Is it? And by the way, now I guess I know the rules. And the rules are we will throw each other under buses. Oh, me and you? That's new? You know who doesn't get thrown under buses? Hey. You are with me. You're going down with me. If I got to listen to that mess. Whose idea was it? It was mine. Okay. I was forced. Nobody had a gun to your head. He put a gun to my head, a .357 Magnum. You guys just leaving meetings, just having private lunches. We want to eat by ourselves in peace sometimes. That's right. In peace sometimes? In peace. You guys are hanging out together. We're adult men. We can make decisions for ourselves if we choose to reward ourselves. Yeah, treat yourself one time. One cheat day. One cheat day. One cheat day. I get one cheat day a week and that was it. It's more like one good day. One every two days is what you get. Why? I'm sorry. Listen, I'm sorry that I had to bring you in with it, but it's her fault. It's fine. All I'm saying is I'm not going to lunch with you guys today because you choose.
We'll go to some healthy. I got to wear a freaking Groucho Marx glasses, nose, and mustache in a McDonald's now. No. Maybe you don't leave, like Carrie Underwood, carve his initials into the red taillights of his beefed up 45 or whatever. That's right. Isolate. Don't leave bags. I know. It was a rookie mistake. What'd you get, Mike? I don't remember. Don't you? It'd be easier to say what you didn't get. He got the Angus mushroom burger. I got the Angus mushroom burger. Yeah, he likes that one a lot. I figured if you're going to go, you might as well go all in, huh? Go big. Listen to the spite. Hey, it's going big. My hatred. I had one fun-sized snicker. You had a king-sized meal. Yeah. What kind of adult beverages? And I don't even know the answer. I don't even know the answer. Yeah, let's hear this. What kind of... What caloric-free adult beverages did you have at City and Color on Tuesday night? I had one red wine. That's actually pretty healthy. No, it isn't. It's got plenty of calories. It was from my heart, though. It was from my heart. Flavonoids. Yeah. Gotta have them. And she doesn't seem to have any problems with calories. And I had one vodka soda. That's right.
With no fruity drinks or anything. No calories. What did I have at City in Color? Seven Coca-Colas. Me and you both had a ribeye. Same bit. What did you have for dinner, Jay? Last night? No. City in Color. Oh, I had a macaroni, lobster macaroni. I had salad. Lobster macaroni. Here, let's do a little comparison. Want to do a before and after? I had a steak. What? What? What? I didn't have McDonald's yesterday, though, either. I'm just saying. You don't like McDonald's. It's not fair. And I skated for two hours. What'd you do? I padded real good. Yeah, we did. Did you play a skateboarding game on your iPad, Mike? No, that'd be too much exercise. I hate them. Fingers cramp up. I hate them. Oh, yeah. He says to me off the air yesterday, Mike, you got such beautiful trails by your house. Know I know? Because I was over there riding them. Yeah, I rode them. I rode them. I wouldn't recommend them to you. Great place, Mike. Straight up. They go straight up. You couldn't handle it. Well, you could walk up there. Well, if there was a ski lift that was made and it was specially reinforced for heavier payloads. A forklift. A forklift. We don't want to be dangerous. A crane. A crane, Mike. You know, and I'm not talking about a crane that could lift a jacuzzi over a fence. I'm talking about the kind they use on buildings. On skyscrapers. How about a wrecking ball? Just put you on there.
Oh, my gosh. So, anyway. Cheaters. Stay out of it. Yeah, I didn't want to do it. You did? No, I didn't. I didn't want to do Motivember. You guys were doing so well. Weren't we? LLB, I had fast food like six times. Oh, boy. I don't do forced diets. Wasn't that you showing us yesterday that you could put your stomach on the counter? Yeah. Let's all see that. Why don't we show everybody? Hold on, I gotta lift my chair up. Yeah. This is so filthy. What of it? What of it? It's a boob job waiting to happen. Yeah, fair enough. You can take that fat, well, you already have it. Oh, wow. I can care less. Hell. Clearly. Six etiquette mistakes people make. Anyway. Around the holidays. This is the stuff that I... Get an F minus sign. Every time. I don't know these rules. Yes, dude, I don't know them. I know. And I don't believe in it either. I'll be honest with you. I don't believe in it. I think it's wrong. Those who don't understand, oftentimes mock. Well, if there's something that has to do with a thank you note on that list, I'm leaving. Well, number one is forgetting to send thank you notes. All right.
Is it really? It's true, L.O.B. It's true. It's the number one thing. You have to send thank you notes. Hey, go sniff around my car while you're out there. Hey, this is going to make her even more mad. Listen to this. L.O.B., this will get you more. Is it really number one? Yes, number one. It says the most common mistake people mentioned for mistakes around the holidays is forgetting to send thank you notes. Two in five people don't get around to writing thank you notes, including more than half. of the people under the age of 35. Who doesn't? My mom makes me do it. She still will call me and say, did you do your thank you notes? But here's the deal. Thank you notes to who? To the people that give you Christmas gifts, but everyone gets each other gifts, so that's the thank you. You don't have to then send a thank you note. It's a waste of paper and effort. I have an idea. How about when the person gives you the gift, you say, thank you. And that suffices. Doesn't suffice. Are you guys okay with that? Let's join the modern culture here. Send a freaking thank you note. Raise your hand if you are in on thank you notes for Christmas. One, two, three. Jay, you're only doing it to get under my skin. It's not even real. You're going to raise your hand to the next question. I'm not in for everybody giving thank you notes, but if the grandparents send the gift to the kids. If you didn't get to thank them in person, that's the caveat. It doesn't take any time to write a thank you note. It's two seconds.
It is a beating. You know what you do? You got to go to Hallmark. You got to go. It smells nice in there. I'll give it that. You walk into Hallmark. It smells great. You buy a box, man. They say thank you on them. I'll tell you what. And you have them for a while. Nobody really writes anymore. We like type everything. So by the fourth one, I'm like, ah, my hand is all cramped up. I'm like, dude, so stupid. And then when you get it, when you get it. You get the thing in the mail and you're like, what is this? Oh, this is lovely. Hey, thank you. Yeah, exactly. So now you're telling me you're too lazy to open an envelope? No, dude. What I'm telling you is I open said envelope and it says, hey, thank you for the Tonka toys. Welcome. Okay. Welcome. I guess now we have to send out your welcome notes. Hey, it was so much fun hanging out with you. Great seeing you. You're a great person. You're such a generous. Lies, lies, lies. Here's the other one. Monsters. Mistakes people make around the holidays. Number two, not mailing holiday cards. Not. I don't do it. Guilty. Never done it. We do it. Never done it. We do it, too, because I'm married. You have to. Well, my wife is like, I don't care. We don't do it. It's rad. You have to have kids for that. Thanks for rubbing it in.
We tried, actually. We got really close. We were like one week. We had a name. We had a shower. We know. Actually, I've got a shed full of baby stuff and clothes. We got it. We got it. We got it. So I was that close. Maybe we'll do it when that happens. We were that close. Yeah. Because Jay needs to feel this pain. Connor Patrick. Oh, gosh. Oh, you know what's better? She kept that name. Oh, gosh. You know what's better than that? She's pregnant again. Oh, my gosh. All right. Thank you, Woods. You might have a Christmas miracle. Yeah, maybe not. Number three. Couldn't move to it quicker. We were close. Oh, my gosh. Listen to this. This is a etiquette mistake. Oh, boy. Giving electronic gifts without batteries. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on, dude. Oh, I'm so sorry. How insensitive of me. How thoughtless. I gave you a P.S. P, and I didn't get batteries? Like, what a monstrous butt. That would plug in. It's got a charger. Yeah, there's nothing worse than getting a gift and then trying to play it the next day, and you're out of batteries because you provided batteries for it, and so the kid can't play it. Has the kid ever made you crazy? That's the day and age we're in.
We're in a day and age where now you're bad if you give somebody a gift without battery. That should only count on Christmas morning. Because if you give it to someone at a party, they can go try it when they get home. If you give it to your kids, of course you do. It should only apply to Christmas morning. Yeah. Well, that's not what it is. If I give anybody in the office a gift and it's electronic, I got to get batteries for it. If you give me a gift that takes batteries and you don't give me batteries, you are a freaking monster. You're a monster. You fanged. You guys. You're there. You're at the store. It's like, does that include batteries? Might as well pick them up. I'll pick up a pair of double A's. Yeah. Why don't I get you a washcloth and some Windex, too, if you just want to keep it nice and clean? Yeah, that'd be nice. Why don't I get you an electronic storing drawer, like a whole omelette or cabinet? If I get you something to hang on the wall, I should just get you a level and maybe some nails. And a drill. A drill and a ladder. Leaning up against the wall, don't worry about it. That'd be ridiculous. Forgetting to buy a gift for the host of a party. 29% of us are guilty of that. I agree with that. You're a clown.
That's why you have Rebecca. Yeah, don't worry about it. Rebecca doesn't. She does it. She knows. Bottle of wine. That's all you got to do. Bottle of wine. Flowers. Flowers. You ever just have a cabinet that's got eight bottles of wine from eight years past? Not at my house. My parents have wine that's older than me. So passive aggressive. So passive aggressive. I'm going to take some heat. Oh my gosh. Let's make some noise in our live studio audience, please. When we come back, we're going to play Spanish Flyer Black Guy with LLB. Heidi Fleiss is going to be on the show today. Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss on the show today. And we'll talk about it.
Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out on this Nigel Tufnell Day. What are you doing to celebrate? I'll tell you one place you can go to celebrate tonight. Bar 11, 3519 El Cajon Boulevard. Because at 11.11pm tonight, Blasphemous Guitars are going to do a set as the band... 12th. Yes, it's a Spinal Tap tribute band on this Nigel Tufnel day. Bar 11 tonight. That's going to be good. Also tonight, Cesio's four-day weekend continues with Dirty Gold. They'll play at Sunset Temple tonight. Tomorrow night, Lord Huron plays there. And Sunday night, you can see real estate there. Tuesday night, Company of Thieves are at the belly up. They might be Giants play there on the 17th. Also on the 17th, Bob Mould hits the casbah. And on the 20th, Gozi strung out with just... Rockhead's Revenge, if you dare. That shows at the belly app. And still to come, the FM 94.9 Holiday Hoot Nanny with My Morning Jacket, Two Door Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, Delta Spirit, and The Blackout Party. Also, Lee Scratch Perry, The Boxer Rebellion, Pinbag, Two Nights with No Effects, and Wilco. So there you have it. Get out there and turn it up to 11. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com.
The world's largest tattoo convention. The Body Art Expo returns to downtown San Diego at the concourse. November 18th through the 20th. With over 200 famous artists tattooing and piercing on site. Only the best will be tattooing at Body Art Expo. Portraits, Asian, biomechanical, or whatever you desire. Party with the most beautiful ladies in San Diego at the Miss Body Art Expo pageant. Plus 19 tattoo contests. Babes, bands, and beer. You don't want to miss this event. Tattoo and Body Art Expo. Tattoo and Body Art Expo. One weekend only, November 18th through the 20th. November 18th through the 20th. San Diego Concourse in downtown. Sponsored by BABA. Check out BodyArtExpo.com. BodyArtExpo.com. BodyArtExpo.com. The world's largest tattoo convention. The Body Art Expo. returns to downtown San Diego with a concourse. Produced by Mega Productions. Hi, hi, hi. Hey, this is Woods. How are you? LLB. We're going to talk about Clearview. Hi, we're just a little bit late. I was making coffee for somebody. Hey.
How's it going? Oh, I'm great. Good. How are your eyes? You know, I can see you from all the way over there. It's a good thing because I can see 2015. That's right. LOB and I went to Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We met with Dr. Sandy T. Feldman and her staff. We both had the free consultation bit, the one that we're telling you to go get. They looked at us and they said, hey, score. You guys are good candidates for LASIK surgery. If you're interested. LLB, what's the best way to get a hold of them? I would think I'm not a real big phone person, so I would go to www.clearvieweyes.com, passive-aggressive. And what I would do, because I'm a normal human being, I would call 858-452-3937. You know, you get a human on the line, you can talk to them, you can set up your appointment, your free consultation. They're very nice folks over there. You know, and if they don't answer, they'll call you back. That's the difference in Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center and then some of the staff that works on the Mikey Show. So give them a call, 858-452-3937, or go to clearvieweyes.com and get that free consultation. You will, it will change your life. There's no question, right? It's Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Peace.
Are you okay? That Bengal tiger doesn't seem to want to let go of your head. Ouch. Wolfgang, it's these energy drinks. They wear off so quickly and my reflexes get slow. I told you to cool it with those things. Who knows what's in them? You should try my energy drink. It's called alternative energy and it's by function drinks. I'm in incredible pain. But I'm listening. It's all natural formula gives me steady sustained energy that tastes great with no, uh... Poorly timed crash. I'm losing so much oxygen, but please continue. And with a formula of natural stimulants that kicks in at different stages, when one is wearing off, another is just starting. Tell my wife and kids that I love them. Fear not. Your life will serve as a reminder to the world. Choosing the wrong energy drinks can be deadly. Choose the right energy drink. Choose Function Alternative Energy. It's the delicious, healthy energy drink that lasts up to eight hours. And with a formula of natural stimulants that kicks in at different stages, there's no crash. Function Alternative Energy. Get it at CVS, Ralph's, Sprouts, and Whole Foods markets. Buy, lease, and service your Volkswagen at South Bay Volkswagen on the mile of cars in National City. You can lease a new 2012 Passat S manual for only $239 plus tax for 36 months and zero down during the Sign Men Drive event at South Bay Volkswagen. That's right, a new...
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Did you know that just one organ and tissue donor saves or improves 50 lives or more? For more information, visit organdonor.gov. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. We got a live studio audience. We are going to have Heidi Fleiss, former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss on the Mikey Show coming up. Very different life today. She is now doing this thing and got a new show coming out, but she's doing this thing with like parrots. Her new thing is parrots. I know. Everybody just looked at each other kind of confused. Listen to this.
I ran the most successful illegal sex business of all times. I had hundreds of girls working for me. I lived in a $5 million house in Beverly Hills. I bought from the actor, Michael Douglas. Even though I was arrested 20 years ago, I'm known as the Hollywood madam. What I did, some people say it's illegal. The courts found it illegal, and I went to jail for that. A hardcore women's penitentiary for over three years. Other madams get arrested and they always say, oh, bigger than Heidi Fleiss, better than Heidi Fleiss. But you don't know one of those other madams' names. And look, if you're going to run an illegal business, why are you going to live in some little apartment? You'll never see another madam ever living how I did. So apparently there was a woman that was, I guess, working at the Tropicana in Vegas.
And she ran the exotic bird department at the Tropicana, moved to L.A., lived next door to Heidi Fleiss. You should see where this lady lived, though. Really? They moved to Nevada, and she lived in this small, it was an abandoned camper on the property. Yeah, the next cut talks about it. I moved to Nevada to open up a brothel with a twist. Have men be the hookers instead of women. And I was living in the Caesars Palace. And after two months, it got kind of crazy. So I decided to rent a home a half hour away from where Charles Manson was captured. And right next door to me was this little trailer. I didn't know who was in it, but there was a bedridden former madam who once ran the exotic bird department for the Tropicana Hotel in Vegas, when Vegas was real Vegas. This madam on her deathbed. said to me, Heidi, you take care of my birds. And I told her, no. And she dropped dead. At that moment, everything changed because I fell in love with these birds. And who knows? Everything happens for a reason. Who am I? I don't know. Some people say I'm a washed up whore. Some people say I'm a crackhead. Some people like me. Some people hate me. Or some people known as a crazy lady who plays with birds.
It's been a crazy way to reinvent myself, but I love my birds and I will be successful no matter what I do. That's fascinating. It's like looking into a kaleidoscope. You're like, what the hell is in there? Yeah. It is. Where did that come from? What is that? If you turn it this way. She's going to be on the Today Show next Wednesday. And she's going to be on the Mikey Show today. And I want to know, when she says that it got crazy, you know, doing the male prostitute thing, that was Jay playing a clip. Apparently he likes male prostitutes. No, that was the male prostitute. Are you sure? Jay wanted to point out, I like male. Don't say it. Don't say it. It'll be isolated. I knew an isolator. I knew better. Yeah, those were crazy times. Yeah. They were. I mean, she was off into some weird stuff, and us, her gang of prostitutes, were kind of left to fend for ourselves. Before or after you worked at the Mashed Potato All-Gay Club in Chicago. I love you. I do remember. Yeah. It wasn't an all-gay club. Do you remember if it was before or after that? It was after that, I love you. Because Woods, remember? You worked at an all?
gay, exotic dancing club called the Mashed Potato Club. It was a restaurant that was gay friendly. You remember that, huh? I'll have the wood. Yeah. Woods said that the uniform was a tight pair of white shorts. And they'd ask for their drinks stiff. And Woods would happily oblige. Woods, do you remember that? Coming right up. Do you remember when that happened? Do you remember when you worked there at the gay place? Why must you every Friday when there was an audience? It's a gay bar. It's a gay bar. I just wanted to know if you remembered. We didn't know if you remembered or not. All right. It's time to play Spanish Fly or Black Guy. These are lines from movies that were uttered by black guys. Or are they?
channel. Or are they? L.O.B., who is fond of black men, is going to listen to these and have to decide whether or not it was from a real movie or if Woods made it up. Are you ready, Woods? I'm ready. Ready, L.O.B.? Yes. Here we go. Don't ever touch me, son. Ever. That's a black guy. That's Spanish fly. L.O.B.? I can get her, dude. I can get her. You can get her so good. Are you sure? Yes, I'm positive. Are you ready? Yeah. I don't care if you're selling oranges by the freeway. I don't pay for parking tickets. That is a black guy. That is a black guy. That's from The Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Don't look over here. Cheater. Me? Yeah. All right, ready? Can't even count to ten and you win the lottery. Ain't that a B? Spanish fly? Yeah, it's from next Friday. I love B. You don't know your black eyes. She does not know her black eyes today. You ready? Yeah. At least my lady didn't leave me for no damn guardian angel. Looking for me. Looking for help. Black eye. Yes. Boomerang. Boomerang. We ain't never getting out of here, man. Ever. It's Spanish fly. Yep. I knew she was going to do that one. All right. Ready? You knew she was going to do that one. Yeah, I knew.
Just getting into character, Woods. Just talking like you're OBF. When Woods hangs out with black guys. What's up, son? Man, the black folks love me. I love black folks because I'm black. That's Woods audio. That's actual audio of Woods hanging out with my friend. That's right, at the Apollo. He was hanging out with his only black friend. I be loving me some black women. That's also a true statement. I know cats who take out whole zip codes for that kind of cheese. Black guy. Yeah, Shaft. Yeah. Nice. She wins. That's it. That's it. She wins. That's right. Good job. Good job, L.O.B. Monster. Get bragging rights or is there a black guy at the end? Wow. Wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow. I'm sure it can be arranged. Sweet. Are you thick? 11, 11, 11. New movies that are coming out today include The Immortals, which look, I don't know. I can't tell if it's going to be good. Is it a vampire movie? No. No. Looks like 300. Looks like that kind of thing. Did we mention Heavy D died? Nope. 44 years old. Woods, you didn't talk about him, right? Nope. Woods on a roll, man. Just killing guys. Yeah, he talks about people. Just killing guys. What's the deal with Woods mentioning me and then the next day I'm gone? In that case, let me talk about Jerry Sandusky. Stop. All right, pal. There you go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
Creep. That's the only person in the world right now that you could probably mention in that vein. Yep. Casey Anthony. Oh, that little angel. Heavy D was known for Now That We Found Love and Got Me Waiting. Don't know either one. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Now that we found love, what are we going to do with it? Yes, there you go. Wow. Identical. That's who did that? He died in Beverly Hills. He was in an apartment complex, his apartment complex. And he was taken to Cedar Sinai and having a hard time breathing. Didn't make it. Heavy D. Dead at the age of 44. He's a pretty young guy. He's a big cat. Some chicken wings. He loved orange soda. I tried to tell him not to. I looked in there and I saw his finger hovering. Don't do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. By the way. Rest in peace. We announced that next week we are going to be doing a meet and greet at Dave and Buster's on Friday. And promotion staff will be out there starting at 9. We want people to bring canned goods. We're trying to feed the hungry. That's the point really is to feed the hungry. We'll be there until 1 o'clock collecting cans. Whoever brings the most is going to get a big package for the holiday hootenanny. Four packet tickets. Four packet tickets. Autograph memorabilia. Nice.
Jay said, and I have not heard these, but he said that he was kind enough to make some promos for Show Us Your Cans from each of our perspectives. Hey, this is Mikey with The Mikey Show. In M1s, we want to see your cans. What? Who wrote this? Big or small, longer, skinny, or perfect and round, we want to see them. Oh, no. Guess who's got some praying to do? That's right. We've teamed up with the San Diego Food Bank to help provide food to San Diegans in need. And, brother, I'm not talking about me because I like tacos and burritos and enchiladas and donuts and cookies and cakes. But now that's enough about me. So, M1s, don't be shy. Show us your canned goods. Just drop them by the FM 949 Studios located at 1615 Murray Canyon Road. Or you could go to the FM949SD.com. It's a website where you can browse. Thank you so much. It's your lattice. Well said. Thank you. Thank you. Identical, Mikey. Oh, boy. Weird. Well, we still have one for L.O.B. and one for Woods. I can't wait. So, yeah. But first, on the line with us right now, is this Heidi Fleiss? Yes, it is. Hello, Heidi. Hello. Promote my show, please, please.
Well, I'm going to. I'm definitely going to. Listen, in fact, I'm glad you said that, Heidi, because you're probably used to talking to clowns. You're probably used to talking to clowns. You've probably been talking to Dusty and Busty from El Paso, and they want to throw lines at you, whatever. I'm actually interested in interviewing you. Oh, okay. You can ask me anything. Okay. Well, I mean, this is fascinating to me. So we knew you as the Hollywood madam. And we were listening to a promo for this new show that you have, which is called Heidi Fleiss Prostitutes to Parrots. And it's going to air on Wednesday, November 16th on Animal Planet. And I found the promo really interesting because... You know, you didn't want these birds. And there was this madam that lived near you and she had them. And she said, when I die, you take them. You said no. And then she dropped dead and you took them. And we will get to that. But I want to talk about, well, I want to talk about a lot of things. One of them was your memoir. You did a memoir in 2003 called Pandering. When did you go to jail?
97. I got out around 2000. And from the promo, I learned that it was a pretty high, it was a pretty hardcore women's prison. This wasn't like going away to a country club. Right. At first, I was at a camp, but I had a problem there, and I had taken over to the hardcore prison. What happened at the camp? It was a situation where I felt I took a metal chair, actually, too, and I hit an officer with it. Oh, my. Really? I didn't want to. It was so horrible. Why did you do it? Well, it was one of those things where there was an officer, and it was early in the morning. I worked AM food service. It's a really tough job at a camp where you wake up at 3.30 AM scrubbing and feeding the inmates and all that. And the officers, direct order, come to whatever, C4 upper, the bunk where I left. And she was, direct order, move this locker. And there were inmates kind of jeering while she was doing that because I was frustrated. I was trying to explain to her that there was ants in there because my bunkie was pregnant and she had food in the locker and we had to get the ants out. And she just kept going, direct order. She just, ah, me, oh, me. And the inmates were jeering. And if I listened to her, I would end up having to buy all those other inmates.
Snickers bars, make their beds, do their laundry. So I said, okay, you want those lockers moved? And I grabbed, you know, those metal folding chairs that they have at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Yep. I took them and I threw one, like acted like I was going to hit her with it, threw over her head and she freaked out and hit that panic button. So you got transferred to like hard time prison. Yeah, and assault charge. Oh, wow. We're talking to Heidi Fleiss. Okay, so Heidi, you were born in L.A. Yes. How did you get into the business that you're most known for? It's a long story. It's not like you go, oh, I'm going to be a madam or something. Things just kind of happen. I was just introduced to different people along the way. In Pandering, I kind of go into it, which is available on Dennis Hoff's website. He owns the Bunny Ranch. Right.
I get into the whole thing, kind of how it fell into place. But basically, I premised for a very ruthless, long-time madam in Beverly Hills. Okay. Now, I've seen a documentary film about you, and they talked to that woman. She did seem a little, you know, a little kooky. But she did say that you, and this obviously had to be true. You had some very special abilities because there's a lot of people that do what you did. They were a madam. But for whatever reason, you were able to turn it into an extraordinarily lucrative business that you ran out of Los Angeles. But you were actually working women all the way from L.A. to Kuwait. Well, look, not in our generation or any other generation.
ever be anyone who ran an illegal or illegal sex business the way I did, ever. You're not going to see someone living in a $5 million house I bought from the actor Michael Douglas. Now, I have to interrupt you, and I've got to ask you, because I can hear it in you. It sounds like that's something that you take a lot of stock in, and you don't want anybody taking that from you, like, hey, I'm the best of all time. No one can top it off. There's no way. Why does it mean so much to you, Heidi, to be known for being the best at it? It is what it is. And look, it's consensual sex. I was not sending some underage girls to like a seedy hotel and go to room B12 and you don't know who's behind the door. These are adult women and adult men making adult choices. We're talking to Heidi Fleiss. She has a TV show coming out Wednesday, November 16th on Animal Planet called prostitutes to parrots. You got out of prison, and when you did, you moved to Las Vegas, where you were going to open up the same thing as the Bunny Ranch, only it was going to be male prostitutes. Is that right? Yeah, you're really impressing me. You've done your research. Well, I didn't really. I just listened to a couple of promos. I listened to a couple of promos. But that's the deal, right? You had this place...
And I was going to do it, and that was my intent. Otherwise, I wouldn't have moved here. Okay, now wait. Let me stop you real quick, because in the promo, it says that you opened up this brothel that was men instead of women, and that things went crazy. What does that mean? I never opened it. Oh, it never even opened? No, I got the birds. And as soon as I got the birds, I was handling the situation with the birds. So how do you make money now? I own a laundromat here. I've done little real estate deals. I got paid for those celebrity rehab shows. I do little things here and there. When you were on celebrity rehab, what were you on celebrity rehab for? What was your addiction? Crystal meth and whatever. Are you sober today? Today I'm sober, but I have slipped and I do struggle with it. But it was the best thing I ever did was that show. This is fascinating to me. Heidi Fleiss. Humiliating, humiliating, but it was the best thing I could have done. Well, this is what's interesting to me, Heidi, is that the and this is why I find you fascinating. What's interesting is, is that you're extraordinarily.
embarrassed about being addicted to crystal meth being a hollywood madam though is something that you take a great deal of pride in and that to me the juxtaposition is just wild it's wild you know uh and interesting because would you have a problem like do you think i was a predator taking advantage of women or what i was just making people happy no no i mean i listen i don't think that you were a predator uh i don't think that you were I'd have to think about that question, taking advantage of women. I mean, you were breaking the law, you know. You're breaking the law. But in the two different ways that you're breaking the law, one you're proud of, the other one you're very embarrassed about. So you committed two crimes, but one you're proud of, the other you're embarrassed about. But I also did go to the federal country for over three years and pay the price for my own. I understand. I understand. I'm just pointing out. I'm just observing. Hey, I was the best madam in the whole wide world. And don't you ever forget it. Nobody was a madam as good as me. Nobody will ever be as good as me. It's almost like listening to Muhammad Ali saying, I was the greatest. Nobody will ever be the greatest. I didn't go to school. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a singer. I'm not a dancer. But Heidi, Heidi Fleiss, imagine this.
Again, this is what I want to search in your brain and figure out is so interesting. You clearly had a talent. You clearly had an ability. Now, what you could have done, you know, if you had gone straight instead of gone to being a madam, I wonder what you would have been skilled to do because whatever it is, it would have been badass. It wouldn't have been, you know. You know what I mean? I won't accept failure, but I do have a dating show coming up, too, with the same company, Pilgrim Entertainment. What do you think made you successful as a madam? Honestly, this is what. I really, really know it's ingrained in me who will get along with whom. And when I was 13 years old, I ran a babysitting ring. Maybe 15, 20 girls working for me. Babysitting ring. That's crazy. And, you know, it's the kid. Parents going out for the evening, and it's their kid. It's the most important thing on earth to them. And I'd have to send over someone to watch that kid. And so at a young age, I was already honing down these skills.
I can't send this girl to go watch this person's kid because she doesn't have the right kind of presentation. That couple will not feel good while they're out. So from a young age, I had to do this stuff. I was just honing down the skills. There you go. Hey, listen. Heidi, thank you for coming on. The show is called Heidi Flies Prostitutes and Parrots. And the show's about you taking care of these parrots. Well, it's basically, yeah. dysfunctional lifestyle, trying to make it functional, and I love these birds. I hope you do, Heidi. I mean, in all sincerity, I hope you do. I hope it becomes functional. I hope it becomes good. I hope that your life, you know, turns around, and, you know, everybody loves redemption. Everybody loves redemption stories, you know? You know, all you can do is try, right? You're going on the Today Show next week, right? Yeah, I'm nervous. Well, you'd be great. I wish you the best of luck. I think you're an interesting person. And that's Heidi Fleiss. Thank you, Heidi. Thank you. Please watch the show. I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it. I've got to see it. For sure. I have to. Thank you, Heidi. All right, bye. Thank you. Gosh darn, man. Heidi Fleiss. I want two hours with Heidi Fleiss to talk to her. That'd be about $2,000. All right. Weird. I ever do that?
Pick that brain real good. Let's hear it in the studio. What could she be good at? She would have been a killer salesperson. Yes. And I mean. There's matchmakers out there. There's a millionaire matchmaker. She could have sold real estate in L.A. and been a millionaire. Yeah. There's something up here that. Because I'll be honest with you. She didn't sound well-educated. No. She didn't sound well-educated, and the reason is because she's not. Right. But she has an ability to do something. She's got the it factor, for sure. Yeah, and that is the interesting part. I hope she turns her life around. And the most exciting thing. I love this guy. Since the Duke sex scandal. More from The Mikey Show coming up. In a respectful and sober manner. Be a part of the show.
570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, go, go. This is The Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. One of the most anticipated annual concerts is back. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny presented by Coors Light. Saturday night, December 3rd at Jenny Craig Pavilion on the University of San Diego campus. Starring the band heralded by Rolling Stone, Spin, Pitchfork, and the New York Times as the best live band in America. My Morning Jacket. Morning Jacket. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. Also beat now. The sounds of a live studio audience. Next Friday, so a week from today, we will be doing a meet and greet at Dave and Buster's. And it's going to be a good time. Show us your cans. That's right. And give us some canned goods.
Yeah. There you go. Yeah. Two for one. Jay came up with that. Yeah. Weird. I want to see your cans. Oh, God. Again. Cans are nice. We got it. Got it. Roll your cans around. Put your cans on my face. I want to motorboat your cans. Jay, that doesn't make sense in any way. Peel the labels off the cans. You put the motorboat? You motorboat son of a bitch. You old sailor, you. Oh. So show us your cans. There you go. Next Friday. Next Friday. We want to see them. Oh, Woods really wants to do news and sports, huh? I know. Right? Nah, it's all good. Oh, I forgot. Today's Spinal Tap Appreciation Day. Yep. Woods has been talking about it all week. Everybody's been talking about it. Not just me.
The numbers all go to 11. Look, right across the board. 11, 11, 11. And most of the amps go up to 10. Exactly. Does that mean it's louder? Is that any louder? Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not 10. You see, most blokes are going to be playing at 10. You're on 10 here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up. You're on 10 on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where? I don't know. Nowhere, exactly. What we do is if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do? Put it up to 11. 11, exactly. One louder. Why don't you just make 10 louder and make 10 be the top number and make that a little louder? These go to 11. 11's greatest. It's the greatest. Today's 11, 11, 11. And so... Nigel Tufnell Day. That is a true fact. It's also a day where... Weddings are huge in Vegas. They skyrocket on this day. Also, Veterans Day. That's right. Also, my friend Spencer's birthday. Happy birthday, Spencer. Happy birthday, Spencer. Happy birthday, Spencer. There you go, Spencer. We made it happen. Got it in. Slipped it in there. Slipped it in real good. Real good. One of the things that you need to know when you are... How many people, when you are arguing as a couple, talk softly?
That when you go into the argument, you actually revert and get, you talk softly. How many couples do we have in here? We've got a lot of couples. Do you talk softly? Raise your hand if you talk softly. Raise your hand if you yell. Well, if you're a raised voice. Softly. Raise your hand. Oh, we have a few. What's your name? Daniel. You guys, come here. Let me talk to you. So, you're saying. We have an extra chair. Sorry about that. Yeah, I'll get you an extra chair. So you actually speak. Can you have a seat? What's your name again? Daniel. What's your girlfriend's name? Erica. Okay. So you actually speak softer. We kind of have to because we both still live at home. So when we're at our mom's house, we can't really be young. So we kind of argue softly. Argue softly. How old are you? I'm 25. Got it. Got it. And how old are you?
24, 25. That's a good age. Oh, yeah. It's a good age. Well, thank you. Also, Mike, while I'm on the air, I'd like to say something to my girlfriend real quick. So, Erica, I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world. And you're my best friend. And I love you more than anything. He's getting down on one knee. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This thing's been digging in my ankle all morning. stuff. Erica, will you marry me? Oh my gosh. Wow. She said no for the record. LB's crying. Thank you so much guys for giving me the opportunity to do this on the air. I appreciate it. Awesome. My heart was racing. It was racing. It was racing. I kept looking at him. Coolest ring box ever. Let me talk to you. Did you know he was going to do that? No.
I mean, we've been talking about it, but I had no idea he was going to do it. You're completely shocked. I'm shaking. He and I were sort of making preparations in the men's restroom here in the building of how we were going to do that. And I said, well, I'll bring something up about couples, and then I'll ask a question, hands will come up, and then I'll call on you, and then you come over, and you get to do your deal. Wow, there you go. You're going to get married. What was up with that? That box was so cool. It has a light inside of it. Yeah, thanks to my friend Brandon for letting me borrow his little box with the light in it. Oh my gosh, that was awesome. How long have you guys been dating? Three and a half years. Three and a half years. So there's hope it will be. I have tears of sorrow, by the way. Okay. Maybe that's actually what it looks like. Those are tears of joy. I'm really happy for you guys. Thank you. Thank you so much. So you guys have talked about it. And, all right. Me more than him. I'm going to give you the biggest piece of advice. When you guys fight and you want to get a divorce, here's the biggest piece of advice. Just don't. Just don't. You'll want to. Sometimes you don't want to kill him. Yeah. Sometimes you're going to go, yeah, vice versa. But, you know, why talk about that at such a special time as this, right? No, it's good advice, man. Good advice. It's really good advice. Stay together no matter what. Yeah, you've got to stay together no matter what.
Well, thank you. Beautiful ring. Gorgeous ring. Thank you. That's so awesome. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a special moment. Very cool. They will remember that the rest of their lives. I'll send you an audio clip of it. It's great how Jay just takes a beautiful moment and just flushes it right down the crapper, doesn't he? Wiener time. In fact, when she tearfully said yes to his proposal, Jay announced she said no for the record. You're a monster. You should have just turned his mic off. You can't. I can't. In fact, I don't even know what they did. They didn't do anything to help me. All I wanted was to be able to control his mic. I still can't. You should have just turned his whole studio off. You want to hear another one of Jay's show-us-your-cans promos? Sure. Here's his promo for show-us-your-cans from Lauren's perspective. Hi, this is Lauren with The Mic Show, and in one's we want to see your cans. This is so demeaning to women. Who wrote Jay? Big or small, long or skinny or perfect and round. We want to see them. Oh, my God. Demeaning.
This is just BS. HR, that's right. We've teamed up with the San Diego Food Bank to help provide food for San Diego to need. Really, shouldn't it be organic food? What's organic? Thank you, Jesus, for this moment. What's organic? Organic. It's a gigantic organic product. Shouldn't it be organic? Food, I mean, gosh. So in ones, don't be shy. Show us your canned goods. Oh, that's so witty, Jay. So funny. You're just the funniest person you know. Just drop them by FM949 Studios located 1615 Murray Caney Road. Or you can go to FM949SD.com. I mean, really get with this, Jay. What is your problem? Oh, my God. My hair looks good. My hair looks good. Pretty genius. That's pretty good. I want to hear organic again. So bad. I just want the word organic. Organic. It's going to catch on, people. You want to hear yours, Woods? Absolutely. Hey, man. This is your old pal, OB Chubbs, with the Micah Show. And M1's, I want to see your cans. Big or small. Long or skinny. Or perfect and round, baby. I want to see them. That's right. We've teamed up with the San Diego Food Bank.
To help provide food for San Diegans in need. I'm in need of a donut. Maybe a piece of pizza. You can stop by and drop off some windows for me. That's right. I'm fat. Oh my gosh. Don't be shy. Show us your canned goods. Just drop by FM 949 Studios. Located at 1650 Murray Caney Road. Go to FM949SD.com for the details. Where the hell's my donut? I'm out of this biatch. I'm woods, baby. Suck it. Get it. Where's my chew? Smoke and chew at the same time. Nice fade. This is 8,000 catchphrases. Yeah, just throw them all in there. Slug it. Slug it. Where's my chew? Where's my chew? Elvis Presley. I'm out of this bitch.
Oh, wow. It's identical wood signing off every day. By the way, Jay has doozies. Jay has doozies. Most of the time, I say, why did you bring that to the meeting? Oh, no. Yesterday was one of those days. He came with three printed pieces of paper, which told me, oh. Look, he found a website. He was Googling ideas for a meeting. Yeah. Does not work. I can tell you that for sure. That's a true statement. And did he have any? I don't remember any yesterday. Oh, good. Are you kidding? I do remember a big one. Remember the biggest one? I'll show it to you. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. He's such a creep. You guys took it the wrong way. No, we didn't. You're just sitting at home going. Nude, black socks, up to his knees. With socks, suspenders. Marijuana, cigarette. Texting with Elizabeth. Yeah, texting with Elizabeth. Not having a vodka. A vodka and lime. Fresh lime. How can I get back? Mike, let's do a bit called Stuff the Turkey. And what we'll do is we'll have girls come in. Girls only. Girls only. And we'll put a turkey.
A cooked turkey in front of them. And then we'll have, like, all the fixings next to it. And we will tie their hands behind their back. And with their face, they'll push it into the cavity. Stuff that turkey. Stuff the turkey. He's a sex worker. And I go, why? Like, why? Because it'd be funny. That's what he said. He goes, it'd just be funny. We'd laugh. We'd laugh. Look, here's the deal. You know, they'll be bound. Well, right, Mike. Not only will they be bound, they'll be degraded. And that's the best part. Just food all over their faces. And, Mike, we won't give them anything to clean it off with. We'll say, wipe it off with your hand. Listen, a German guy called in the middle of our meeting and goes, that's so creepy. That is the grossest idea I've ever seen. What is the matter with you? You couldn't sell that video in Japan. Okay. I think he could. Well, then he said, we were like, that's disgusting. He goes, all right, fine. Rubber turkeys. Yeah, rubber. Like, that's the problem. I think that was the problem. Yeah, we don't want to use regular turkeys. Fine, we don't give him E. coli. Okay, Eli Manning. Which would be good. Which would be good. See him getting sick and stuff. In his head, the bit makes sense. It's a great bit. Seeing a woman.
You guys don't get me at all. Nudging like cranberry sauce. Yeah, nudging cranberry sauce, nudging gravy, nudging mashed potatoes. What is the difference in that in a pumpkin eating contest? Who ever did that? Everything. Who did a pumpkin eating pie? Who's ever in the history of the world in a pumpkin eating contest? Pumpkin pie. Yeah. Hey, what's the difference in that and a string bean jumping competition? What's the difference? Same thing. You'll do that all the time, every day, all over the world, 50,000 times a day, string bean jumping contests. Gosh. I tell you, dude, we try to get through our ideas as quickly as we can, leaving Jay the most amount of time so that we can sit back. It's like... When your favorite movie's on TV. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm going to relax. He says, well, this is what happens. I go last. You guys poo-poo all over my ideas. Mikey's ready to leave. That's why. He's hungry again. That's why we poo-pooed that idea. He's hungry. He's hungry again. Clearly you guys had to get to McDonald's. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So, Woods, why are people mad at Ashton Kutcher? I don't get what he did.
He quit his Twitter account. He had the most followers. He has 8 million followers, and he turned it over to his management team. Besides the fact that he's a big douche, he tweeted kind of haphazardly this week about the Paterno situation. And so he tweets something to the effect of, how can you fire Joe Paterno? Real classy, Penn State. As a Hawkeye fan, he's an Iowa Hawkeye fan, I'm appalled or something. He wasn't aware of the situation. Excuse me, Ashton. That's been, yeah. Did you know why he was fired? No. What did you see? I saw they fired him. They fired him because he was part of the cover for a child molestation case. That's right. You're kidding. You should probably go back and say something again on Twitter. On the Twitter. I'll go back to Twitter. Can you just handle it for me? I don't want to do this. I don't want to. You try it first. No, no, no. He obviously can't. Yeah, so that's what he did. He didn't know the story. So now his management team's doing it? Well, then he had like Diary of the Mouth and started like, sorry, Diary of the Tweet. Yeah. And started like putting out like, sorry, and like just feverishly tweeting all these things.
And then they finally were like, come here, we're going to handle that. And he was like, sorry, I shouldn't have opened my mouth. And then someone called him an idiot and he said, yes, I am. Oh, wow. There is a drug that they've used on monkeys that has worked. They haven't done it with people yet, but it's a experimental drug that chokes off the blood supply to fat cells. So these monkeys slimmed down. Yeah. And it may work in people. The drug is called... Methamphetamine. No. Look at that monkey clean. It's called adipatide and takes a different approach than most weight loss stuff, which tries to control your appetite. What it does, it alters the absorption of fat. It also probably kills you in the end. Well, why do you say that? Because every other miracle drug ends up being bad for you. Opposed to just exercise and control your portions. It's not just the fat that's bad for you, too. People should be changing their lifestyle choices, not taking a magic pill. There's all kinds of other bad stuff in there. Lap bands. Gosh darn. Guys got great genetics, you know what I mean? Oh, that's what it is.
Got great genetics. Did you work out lately? I worked out this morning. Getting out of bed? No. You did? Yeah, you know what I did? What? I have a new routine. I'm lifting weights at home and running up and down the stairs. That must be wonderful. Did Rebecca think there was an earthquake this morning? There's a 7.4 going on. I mean, not a good for you, Mikey. Not a hey, pal. When you try, you get killed. Hey, pal, you're doing something. You're moving. No. Don't you only have three steps in your house? No. No. Jay. She get out of her emergency kit. Panic. Y'all have panic button? He couldn't even get the line out. Yeah. Oh, no. He never did. How about Girl Scout flavored Girl Scout cookie flavor? Girl Scout flavored Girl Scouts? Is it appropriate? Mikey, gosh. Girl Scout cookie flavored lip balm. Oh, God, weird. Thin Miss. I'm sure that wouldn't leave a film. It's so good. Peanut butter, coconut caramel stripes. Yeah, that's called a Samoa. Trafoils? Trafoils is the little shortbread. Well, they have it now. You can get it at Walmart.
$5. What? I'm in. Yeah. Smells like it. Tastes like it. Feels real good. Enjoy it all year round. Uh-huh. Yeah. Great. Well, I think it's disgusting because I wouldn't want to kiss anybody if they had that in their mouth. Yeah. Peanut butter. Why would you want a minty deliciousness flavor? Well, dude, there's nothing worse than peanut butter breath. You're right. Peanut butter breath is fun. What about onion breath? Onion breath is worse. Garlic breath. To me, when I went on the Howard Stern show, Baba Booey came into the green room and said, we're trying to get you on. We'll have you in like 25 minutes. And all I smelled was peanut butter. I'm okay with that. The strongest waft of peanut butter. Wow. I'm okay with that. You like peanut butter breath? Are you talking about kissing somebody with...
Breath that smells like an onion or peanut butter? Peanut butter. Yeah, over those two. I mean, it's like saying a turd and peanut butter. You're going to take peanut butter. Chocolate or peanut butter, I'll still take peanut butter. Bananas or peanut butter, I'll still take peanut butter. 570-194-9 is our number. We got new movies that are coming out this weekend. And we have a live studio audience hanging out with us. We'll be back. The Mikey Show coming up in minutes. If you quit, it's going to follow you for the rest of your life. So be a part of the Mikey Show now. Hey, Rip Van Biden. Shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. And call 570-1949. What a wonderful day it is for him. What a wonderful day it is for all of us. This is the Mikey Show. The little mushroom people of Nova Scotia screaming with horror. On FM 94.9.
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Exclusively from AT&T is this new wireless technology. I love this and you're going to love it too. The reason is because you do not have to be tethered to a outlet now. Anywhere you have a power outlet, you're good to go. So where it used to be that if you came into a new house or whatever, you basically had to put the television wherever the cable socket was. You don't have to do that anymore. And the reason is because of this wireless that they've got going on. It's absolutely fantastic. You're not tied to that TV outlet anymore. You got a power outlet. You're good to go. You can watch TV outside. You can take your TV into the kitchen. Take your TV anywhere you want now because of the wireless. For a limited time, you can get U-verse TV for only $29 a month for six months with a DVR included. If you want to know more. Give them a call. 877-only-ATT. Go into one of the stores. Or find them online. ATT.com slash Free Your TV. Geographic restrictions apply. Additional charge for wireless receiver. Price for your family TV. New customers. After six months, standard rates apply. Taxes and other charters apply. $36 TV activation fee. For details, go to AT&T.com slash TV details.
The world's largest tattoo convention. The Body Art Expo returns to downtown San Diego at the concourse. November 18th through the 20th. With over 200 famous artists tattooing and piercing on site. Only the best will be tattooing at Body Art Expo. Fit Buchanan of Avalon Tattoo. Freddy Negretti of Shamrock Social Club. Kirk Alley's 1111. Chrissy Fon Tattoo. Skin Design Tattoo. Ruthless of LA Ink. Tommy Montoya of New York Ink. Plus many more. See Spectacular Sideshow. Extreme Performances. And a Hot Babe Contest. Get inked right at the show. Black and gray. Color. Portraits. Asian. Biomechanical. Or whatever you desire. Party with the most beautiful ladies in San Diego at the Miss Body Art Expo pageant. Plus 19 tattoo contests. Babes, bands, and beer. You don't want to miss this event. Tattoo and Body Art Expo. Tattoo and Body Art Expo. One weekend only. November 18th through the 20th. November 18th through the 20th. San Diego Concourse in downtown. Sponsored by BABA. Check out BodyArtExpo.com. BodyArtExpo.com. BodyArtExpo.com. The world's largest tattoo convention. The Body Art Expo. returns to downtown San Diego with the Concourse. Produced by Mega Productions. Channel 4's San Diego. Your home for Aztecs football. Catch super sophomore Ronnie Hillman and record-setting quarterback Ryan Lindley as they set their sights on the Mountain West Championship. Don't miss a minute of live gridiron action as the Aztecs battle Colorado State. 4 p.m. Saturday on Channel 4's San Diego.
Everything Aztecs, everything Chargers. The Saquon Casino Postgame Show, weeknights at 10 on Channel 4 San Diego. Hi, I'm Annie and I work at Guitar Center. Seems like the holiday shopping season starts earlier every year. Well, if you like to avoid getting frazzled by last minute gift hunting, you're in luck. Guitar Center's got a huge Veterans Day sale going on now through Sunday. With dozens of Black Friday quality deals you can grab today. Like an Epiphone acoustic guitar for just $89. Or a Yamaha portable keyboard for only $79. The best price and great advice. Veterans Day weekend at Guitar Center. Why eat fast food when I can get my food fast at Chevron Extra Mile? Like Johnsonville sausage, quesadillas, or monster taquitos. Long lines, bad attitudes, drive-thrus. Please, who wants a mixed bag of disappointment when I get what I want every time at Chevron Extra Mile?
Chevron Extra Mile has a monster deal just for you. Get a monster taquito, any variety, for just 99 cents through January 1st. Chevron Extra Mile. Extra easy, extra value. At select Chevron locations. Find out this Saturday night who is the baddest man on the planet. It's UFC Velasquez versus Dos Santos. Live and free on Fox. This Saturday night at 6 p.m. only on Fox. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. When you're fat, you're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best move you ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jake. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Let's make some noises. I don't know why certain things make some people laugh more than others. That made me laugh. It made me laugh so hard when Woods did it the other night. I had to leave because my stomach hurt. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't stop laughing. Woods and L.O.B., you tell a story. L.O.B. and I had to do a conference call, and the guy was on the phone, and it was after our show. It was about 11. So it was lunchtime, and he was eating, and he might be listening right now. We really like you. We just found this really amusing.
I found it more than really. I didn't find it funny. You laughed. You laughed your ass off, L.O.B. I was genuinely concerned and appreciated his business. Oh, we definitely appreciate it. I don't really take the opportunity to mock him on the air. I remember L.O.B. laughing hysterically. No, at the retail. At the retail, because it was a good story. No, in the room. In the room. Yeah, in the room during. So this gentleman, it's 11, and he's got this conference call. He's hungry. He's got to eat. Everybody's got to eat. He was on his day 84 of P90X, by the way. Yes, he was, which is 83 days longer than I made it. And I told him that. And he was eating a – I think it was a Luna bar. And we were talking and giving him our ideas, and he was giving us his. And all of a sudden we heard – Oh, excuse me. Hang on. And Lauren and I, we said, are you okay? Are you okay? He goes, I'm fine. I just swallowed a piece of protein. Okay, I got it now. Wait. Don't take a deep breath. And then, then we hear in the background, the girl. Try some water. Oh, she didn't actually, I didn't actually hear it. Try some water.
I'm drinking water. I'm drowning in it. I got it now. I got it. There is nothing funnier than a business call. A business call. And you're talking business. Dude, it was a good, solid, what, seven minutes? At least. Six minutes? Yeah. And I'm not kidding. Every 30 seconds, we get going and he go, All right, I got it. No deep breaths. And then the lady. Drink some water. I did it. I'm trying to get water. I was looking at L.O.B. I had to get out of my chair in the meeting. And I had my head against the wall. And Lauren was laughing so hard. I wasn't. Oh, yes, we were, too. Oh, yes, you were. I was going, are you okay?
It's the greatest. I was really concerned. It's the greatest. I was concerned as well. He told that story at House of Blues when we were having dinner and I had to get up from the table. It's happened to all of us. All of us at one time. Get some lodge back there. Do the, don't take a deep breath. Don't take a deep breath. All right. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. It was classic. It was so not funny. Oh, wow. Wow. But anyway, we won't say who it is, but it was really great. Thank you. Worrisome. I hope you're okay. New movies that are out this weekend. Adam Sandler has a movie called Jack and Jill that's coming out today. Oh, my gosh. Have you seen what this is? Yes. He plays his sister. He plays his sister. Tootsie real good. It's awful. Chances he'll talk like this. Ooh. Here we go. Let's take a listen. Just think, Brooks. Let it just float. Okay, okay, okay. Can you do me a favor and not hold me like this? I'm just trying to show you. All you got to do is make content. That's all. I feel like this is your game, and it's not my game. If you want to play my game, Hungry Hungry Hippo, stop the day. Do you have that here? That's coming. Okay.
It makes me uncomfortable. Why, Adam? It makes me uncomfortable. What happened to that guy? I don't know. Is he the new Eddie Murphy? I don't know, but the last two have been bad. Oh, I have chills from how bad they are. Oh, I know. That last one he did with, I mean, Brooklyn Decker was in it, but I couldn't watch 15 minutes of it. Well, the problem was Jennifer Aniston was in it, too. Also, yeah. I think all his movies are bad. No. Happy Gilmore is brilliant. Billy Madison's brilliant. He's the one with daddy in the title. Big Daddy. Big Daddy's great. That made me laugh. Oh, yeah. No matter here, Pitcher. No matter. We got him. We got him. We got him. Oh. Oh. Okay. All right. Thank you. That was quick. Immortals is out today on 111111. A warrior named Theseus. Must lead the fight against the ruthless king Hyperion. Must miss. And his evil army for the fate of mankind. Listen to me for your children, for your future, for immortality. Sounds familiar. Spartans, lay down your weapons. Persians, come and get them.
Also out today, J. Edgar. Our knobs are too close together. I'm not sold on J. Edgar. It's the accent. I want to see the movie. I like the story. I kind of like Leo, but the accent is really getting me. It's making it tough. Leonardo DiCaprio. He's playing J. Edgar Hoover. And J. Edgar Hoover was, of course, the guy that ran the FBI. Sex pervert. Was he? Yeah. Cross-dresser. Sex pervert. What? Where you guys been? Yeah. Are you kidding? Oh, man. Yeah. Now the crossdressers are going to get after you and say, doesn't make me a sex pervert because I like to crossdress. Have at it. Here is Leo playing J. Edgar Hoover. President Hoover called me the morning the child was taken and asked me to do whatever was in my power to help solve this crime. But do you know what all the power of the Bureau of Investigation means without federal laws, without arms?
Without the ability to make arrests, it means nothing. You know what I like is it doesn't sound like acting. It's almost like listening to a documentary, isn't it? I don't know why he continues to try accents. That's not him. Oh, that's not? Yeah, it is. No, he's talking about J. Edgar Hoover, isn't he? No, that's Leonardo. You sure? Yeah. Sounded like it to me. Mr. Chairman, I urge passage of the Lindbergh Law. That's why it sucks. Making kidnapping a federal offense. To immediately deliver all the fingerprints in this country to my office. This sounds like a high school play. It really does. He's one of the worst accent actors or whatever you call that in the business. So that we may create a central file to help arm our agents. So that they have a fighting chance against the submachine guns of some of the most dangerous characters. And now welcome to Sarah High's performance of Godspell. God, that Billy, he's a hell of a quarterback, too. I can't believe he took the lead in the school play. In the history of American criminality, and I urge you to do this in the name of a little idiot. He's got a 3.8 GPA. You see his girlfriend? She's stunning. He's going to Stanford. He is going to Stanford. No, it's Berkeley, actually. He signed a letter of intent. I think it was Berkeley, hon. He's good. He's really good. He's a nice young man. Yeah, that looks...
Pretty long. I bet it's very long. I bet it's three hours long. Oh, yeah. I want to see Immortals tonight, hon, if you're listening. Really? What's the problem? It's fighting vampires. Is it? Immortal. I don't think there's vampires in it. As far as you know. There's vampires in everything now. Hey, didn't we have an agreement? Woods had to see something with me. Uh-uh. Didn't he? No. I thought you lost a bet or something. No. You had to watch something. Nope. Yes, I'm going to think about it. I'm going to remember it during this break. I'll tell you. You don't know. Yes, I know I had some. And you go, fine. I'll watch some movie with subtitles. Let's make some noise in our live studio.
FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. Saturday night, December 3rd at Jenny Craig Pavilion on the University of San Diego campus. Starring the band heralded by Rolling Stone, Spin, Pitchfork and the New York Times as the best live band in America. My Morning Jacket. Morning Jacket. Also featuring Two Door Cinema Club. And Kim. Delta Spirit. And the Blackout Party tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or FM949SD.com. The FM949 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Spy Optics. Join us on Saturday night, December 3rd for an epic evening of music with FM949. Announcing breakfast savings so big, they take up a whole weekend.
Don't miss the three-day sale this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Vons. 12 to 16-ounce packages of Farmer John's sliced bacon are just $3.99 each when you use Vons Club. Selected varieties. Add deliciously fresh sweet fruit. Naval oranges are just 99 cents a pound. Minute Maid orange juices or gold peak teas are two for just $5, plus CRV in California. Selected varieties. Delicious Safeway Select Muffins are buy one, get one of equal or lesser value-free. Four-count boxes. Selected varieties. Get the whole meal kicked off with Starbucks coffee. 11 to 12 ounce packages are only $6.99 each, selected varieties. After a hearty breakfast, relax and watch a movie. Don't miss your chance to pick up Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, now available. Load up for the weekend, stock up for the week ahead. Don't miss the three-day sale, this weekend only. Vons, ingredients for life. It's go time at your Toyota dealer. They're here now. The cars, trucks, and SUVs you really want. With great deals on every new Toyota. Go for 0% financing and save thousands on many of Toyota's best-selling models. Get zero APR on a new 2011 Prius or Corolla. Zero APR on a new 2011 Avalon, Venza, or RAV4. There's even zero APR on a new 2012 Tundra. So hurry!
Go for the selection. Go for the savings. Go for the great deals. Save thousands with 0% financing on many of Toyota's best-selling cars, tough trucks, and versatile SUVs. See your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Offer excludes Prius V. Limited term financing through Toyota Financial Services to qualify Tier 1 plus through Tier 3 credit customers only. Vehicles must be purchased from new car dealers stocked by midnight, 12-5-11. Cricket Wireless presents Obvious Life Choices, where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take friends. You can go with whatever. Dude, can I move in until I get a live? Or the best ever. Take my car. It's too red and too fast for the likes of me. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited dullness or unlimited funness with Cricket? Right now, get nationwide unlimited talk, text, and data on the latest Android-powered smartphones for just $55 a month. Download your favorite apps and games like Facebook, Shazam, and Angry Birds for one low rate. And there's no contract. The choice just makes itself. Cricket, your call.
Limited time offer requires new activation. See store for planned data usage and coverage details. Terms and conditions apply. Want to switch wireless companies but don't want to lose your number? Hurry and bring your number with you to your nearest cricket store and get an Android-powered smartphone starting at $39.99 while supplies last. You'll get a better phone, but it'll still be you. Offer ends soon, so hurry in today. It might seem hard to lead a healthy life today, but it's easy when you practice the ancient art of on-the-side-ism. Let's start with salad. Just have the ranch, the Roquefort, the Italian, or the Thousand Island on the side. Put the mayo on the side of your turkey sandwich. And leave the butter and sour cream as optional equipment on your baked potato. On the side-ism fears no sassy waitress, snooty chef, or emasculating comment from a friend. And it isn't just a way around the menu, it's a way of life. It's a towel. So go ahead, work those long hours at the office, but make sure to have some playing with the kids on the side. For every hour you're stuck in traffic, make sure you have a minute of bike riding on the side. Zone out in front of the TV, but go out dancing on the side. It's an easy ideal to practice, but at Kaiser Permanente, we think this mantra of moderation can have big-time results on the way you look, the way you feel, and the way you thrive. Visit kp.org slash thrive. The World Heavyweight Championship returns to network television this Saturday night on Fox.
Undefeated UFC heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez. Battles knockout artist and number one contender, Junior Dos Santos. Find out this Saturday night who is the baddest man on the planet. Live and free on Fox. It's UFC Velasquez versus Dos Santos. This Saturday night at 6 p.m. only on Fox. At Burger King, mealtime is now family time. Introducing the all-new BK Family Bundle. One Whopper sandwich, a Whopper Jr., two small. fries, two small soft drinks, and a kid's meal, all for just $9.99. But this deal won't last long, so go in soon and feed your family with the BK Family Bundle. Only Burger King. Price and participation vary. See restaurants for details. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. What does it do, Jay? It makes it 3D. I wanted one of those avatars to be like, and like beat my face and go. Woods. If 16-year-old girls are in on something, I'm out on it. Lauren. I'm very aggressive when it comes to lines. And Jay. If you want any, you'll be nice to me. Yes, ma'am. On FM 94.9. Let's make some noise in our lives. There is a storm headed this way, so you know. And my brother's friend is getting married today in Catalina. Is he there? Yeah, they're there. Hopefully.
Doesn't rain all over the wedding. Wouldn't that be ironic? It's actually good luck. Is it? Yep. If it rains on your wedding day. That's what they say. That's what they say. Well, that's one way to look at it. Do you think bridezillas would be upset? Yes. Dog people like Paul McCartney. Yep. And cat people like George Harrison. Fake bit. Cat people like to tweet. That I believe. Dog people like zoos. Love zoos. Dog people are 30% more likely to enjoy slapstick comedy and impressions. Look at your boy. All the way in. Cat people are more introverted. Dog people are 11% more likely to support cloning. All the way in. What is the biggest proponent of cloning I've ever met? He's got a t-shirt on right now that says cloning with a thumb. He's already working on a clone of himself. I love you! It says clone me. Yeah. Clone me, clone you, it says. I cloned you. Cat people are more educated. 17% more likely to have a graduate degree. I don't have one of those. Dog people have trendier ringtones. Woods has a Bananarama ringtone. Cruel summer. What is your ringtone? The freaking eye tone.
iPhone ringtone. Easy, Jay. I got his verbal herpes again. 64% of women reject all Facebook requests that come from strangers. What? But men are much more open to strangers. Last ditch effort. Get your sound effects out there. Hey, it's Friday. For the weekend. Mike, you can't do anything about it. You can't turn my room off. It's Friday. According to a news survey, 64.2% of women say they always reject friend requests from people that they don't know. Does Rebecca do that? What? Because Jamie from the other room. Dear, do you know Monica Adams?
I get that once a day. I don't know. Is she a listener? I don't know. Once a day. Yeah. Makes me nuts. I do not know them, babe. I don't know them. Yes, I know her. I had sex with her, okay? Fine. Accept her if you have to. Yes, we did it. God. It's awkward. I will love you violently. I just wanted to know if you knew her. Yeah. Fair enough question that day. But now that you're admitting it, I mean. I guess I mean. I don't want to be friends with her. Let's see. And the geezer bandit struck again. Jay. Yeah. I think it was on our day off. Yeah. Weird. I had nothing to do. Wells Fargo inside of a Vons. Oh. He's brazen. I know it. Happened in La Jolla. He's back. Mm-hmm. This guy has pulled off 15 bank robberies. How did he not cut the guy? It's Wiley. I guess so, man. And he, like, limps out with a cane. Yes. When they catch this guy, I don't think he's going to be old. Gosh, I can't wait. Anybody got any appearances this weekend? Anything that they're doing? No? Nada. Wow. It must be that time of season where things just are not happening as much. I tell you my testimony at the end of the show on Friday. I tell you my story at the end of the show on Friday. And the reason for it is...
so that there may be people that are listening that can relate to it because they may have something similar in their lives. The story this weekend or this week that we were talking about, the stuff that happened at Penn State hit so close to home for me because when I was a kid, that was something that happened to me. I was sexually abused when I was a kid. And I think a lot of people have that experience, but we don't talk about it. And I didn't talk about it for years. The reason that I do is because I want to share with you what it did to me. And maybe you can see some of you in it. It created a very angry guy. And I believe anger is hurt, sadness, and fear. Doesn't always have to be all three. It could be any one of them or all three of them. But I do believe that anger is hurt, sadness,
And fear. And I had all of those emotions intertwined inside of me like the wires behind a stereo system. They were all twisted. And it was very difficult for me to relate to other people. And when I did relate to other people, often it was out of anger. When I was in my 20s, I became addicted to alcohol. And by the time I was in my early 30s, I was a full-blown alcoholic. And I feel really bad about how much pain I know I put my family through. And you may know this person now. And I remember one time that somebody said to me, you know, it's okay to like yourself. And I remember that that hurt me and it made me sad. And I was angry. But they were right. There was something missing from me.
I never, this is my experience, I never experienced any part of what it was like to like myself until I took my hands off the steering wheel. For me, for me, for me, for me, what it looked like was giving my life to Jesus Christ. For me. The reason I make such a point of saying it that way. is because I know that there are some people that don't like it when I say that. But there's no reason to not like it. It's simply my story. It's simply what happened in my life. If you find yourself addicted to any kind of substance, if you're addicted to alcohol or drugs, you can go to MikeyShow.com. And on the website on the top, it says Help. Click there and it'll give you resources to get help. But I want you to know that there is hope for you. Because there was hope for me.
If there was hope for me, there can be hope for you. This song is called Pieces. It's by a band called Red. And man, describes exactly where I was. Exactly where I was when I found him. And he's changed my life. Have a great weekend. And we will see you again on Monday morning. Mikey shows up.