The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/15/10

0:38Chilly outside, chilly inside. You know what? Good morning. Good morning, San Diego. Welcome to the program. It's the Mikey Show. Sure, you can applaud that. I don't know what you call it. I can applaud it. It's nice. It's nice of you to do. You can ring us. 570-1949 is the number or text 949mikey at gmail.com. You can ring us because at the beginning of the show and the end of the show, we open the phone lines up to you, the M1s, who make up the M1 Nation to be able to call us about anything you want. Just know the rules when you call. Turn your radio down. Get to the point. Don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1, so go ahead and do that now. I'm Mikey. The man across from me is Woodsy, who is back. He is back from going to a wedding this weekend in South Carolina. And our assistant producer is Lauren O'Brien. She's otherwise known as L-O-B. And our news girl is Sienna. She is 25 years of age. Our producer is Jay. He's 47. And screening phones today is Will. Hi, Will. It's Will.

1:59So give us a call, light those phone lines up, and you can talk about anything you want, ask questions, do whatever you'd like. It's completely up to you. I have to tell you, first thing, 7.30 this morning, The Mikey Show is making a major announcement. A huge, major announcement. Probably the biggest announcement we've done since coming on to FM 94.9. Word of the day today is barbecue. And when you hear it... You will be good to go on tickets to see Rolling the Stones, the Rolling Stones tribute band. And you'll also get snow jam tickets. Includes a lift ticket and a $50 gift certificate. Real nice. So just be listening for that. Big stories out there that we're going to be talking about today. A little bit later on, the Manny Pacquiao deal. If you don't know about the Manny Pacquiao fight this weekend, we'll tell you what happened there. And it was crushing. To say the least. It was crushing. What else can we tell you? The Chargers didn't play this weekend. They had a bye. That's a win. Yeah, I didn't count that as a win. How about the surfer that lost a finger in South Mission Beach? How did that happen, Sienna? Oh, gosh. Well, this guy was out in the water and 35 years old. They haven't released his name. Woods. Woods.

3:23He was out paddling and his leash got caught around his finger and severed it. Oh my gosh. I have done that. I have almost done that so many times. That's been such a fear of mine. Yeah. To that point where I'm like, oh my gosh, I almost lost a finger. Woods too, right? It's crazy. Twice. I mean, once with my finger and the other time with my... The thing wrapped so tight around my foot. And all the weight from the wave was pushing the board down. And it was as tight as it could be around my foot. I was like, oh my God, this is killing me. Well, as I'm sure you imagined, yes, his finger was lost at sea. Holy cow. Imagine, first of all, it coming off and you're like, oh, you know, freaking out. And then you're trying to find the thing and it's gone. What do you do? You're frantically trying to find a pair of tickets. Oh, wow. That's not good. Sorry, I just said a pair of tickets. I was like, is that code for something? No, I said it because I just looked up there. That was awesome. That was awesome. Did you need some coffee? Fresh Pop-Tart? Practically trying to find his finger is what you meant. Let me redo this. What I said that we were doing for the word of the day.

4:42Scratch that. Scratch it. That's not what we're doing for Word of the Day. Reset. This is better, okay? You will win for the Word of the Day today, which, by the way, is barbecue. I'll say it sometime between now and ten. What you'll win is a pair of tickets, the FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny, a pair of sunglasses for Manarchy, and you will be entered into a drawing for a two-night stay. at Aquarius Casino Resort in Laughlin plus a $50 gift card. Solid. So you'll win a finger to the Holiday Food Nanny. That's right. It's a $500 value. There you go. The Laughlin thing is a $500 value. Oh, my. That's a big prize. $500. We're going to enter everybody that's in all week long is going to get entered into that. So the word of the day every day is going to enter you into this incredible trip. Killer. That is very good. Okay. Yeah, so we'll do the thing on Fridays when we'll draw for it. Nice. Very good. That's today's word of the day. Get ready for it. And don't miss it. So the guy lost his finger, and it's gone, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's gone. Bye-bye. Oh, man. He's all right. There was people that helped him right when he got on shore.

5:59I just can't imagine. You're like, do I stay here and look for my finger or do I paddle in because I'm bleeding and there may be sharks? You paddle in and you're like, all right, it's a finger. I got nine more. I want my finger though. Yeah, I know. Do they say which finger? No. Because I want to know if it was a thumb, an index, which one? I'm guessing middle. Thumb might be. I feel middle. You feel like it's middle? I feel like it's a middle finger. I don't know why. I have to know. I need us to figure out which it was. I know. It doesn't say. Jay, you're the most experienced surfer. Which one would you think? I don't think it has anything to do with experience. I think it's just probably, I would say it was this one. M1 Scott from Temecula. Hey, Mikey, I got a question for you. All right. I'm out this weekend and I see you and I see your beautiful wife, Rebecca. And, you know, a little bit of me was joking, of course, but, you know, Rebecca, she's beautiful.

6:53You know, you're you. And I'm not. Yes. So I mentioned it to you. I say, you know, you're right, Mikey. There's a contradiction here. Yeah. And I was joking, but I'm wondering. Did that hurt your feelings a little bit? Because I felt bad about it later on that night. No. Well, listen, I mean, I'm glad that you're asking because that's a great question and I'll give you an honest answer. I wasn't hurt by it. It was just awkward. And it's one of those deals where when people meet you, oftentimes they don't know what to say. And so what they end up saying is whatever comes to their mind. Whatever comes to your mind is an observational thing. It's whatever you're observing in front of your face. And so your observation was, wow, your wife is quite beautiful, as you've said. And also, as you've said, Mikey, you're not. And so that's what came to your mind. And that's what you said. It didn't hurt my feelings. I mean, I've said it. What it did do is create, oh, what do you say? You know, what do you say? Thanks. Thanks for noticing. Thank you.

8:05Can I make an observation? Sure. I think that I only felt comfortable saying that because I listen every day, and I feel like I know you guys. Yeah. But you... Don't know me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is the key. I mean, that's what we want and that's what we strive for. And I'm so happy about that. It's just that, you know, a lot of times, like I said, it can be awkward because, you know, folks don't know what to say. So they say whatever, you know, they might go, oh, wow, you know, you really are really short or wow, you know, you're really not that good looking, you know, which is fine, which is fine. But it's so awkward because you don't know how to respond. It's like, oh, I certainly am, aren't I? Oh, man. I love you guys. Hey, I love you, man. Love you. Thank you. Hey, Woods, you do have four chins. Yeah. You do look like Lindsay Lohan. You do look like Kevin James. You are flat-chested. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, anyway, I'm glad that you asked that. Yeah. Very good question. 570-1949 is our number. Yeah, he met us at the...

9:14eighth annual bash, the big FM 94.9 eighth annual bash, which was really good. And it was a fun time. It was a fourth and B. A lot of people showed up. And L.O.B. on one track or on one song. I did the sleigh bells. The house band, you did the sleigh bells, which was real good. And then we all got up on stage. Me and you and Jay got up on stage and sang Surrender. And that was fun. I got to know. You haven't even told me about it. How did you do? I forgot all the words once I got up there. I did. I forgot the words. He killed it. I did. I forgot the words, and I just made them up, which was Garrett's suggestion. Our program director said, if you forget the words, just make something up, and I did. So you basically went up and did a live ding-dong sing-along on stage. Yeah, but I made up what I couldn't remember. I made up, and I don't think people noticed. What did I tell you? What did I tell you? I don't remember. You remember what I told you. I don't. Know the word. I did. I did. You knew him. He knew him. He sang him a hundred times. You got nervous? Yeah. You got nervous? Yeah. When I got up and did it in the live situation, I was nervous enough that I forgot him. It's so nervous. He did not seem nervous. The guy was sitting over, had his arm up on the wall. I'm like, dude, are you nervous? He's like, not at all. I wasn't. I was, I was.

10:30Really? Yeah, you have a stage fright kind of. I wasn't nervous. I was fine. I was nervous even when I was on stage I was okay. I just forgot the words. That's awesome. I noticed a little bit because Jay and I were singing backup for you. the key is to try to accent what you're saying. Some of the times I was like, oh, I'll just go with it. I'll just say what he's talking about. Enchiladas. He's talking about enchiladas. Tostada. Tostada. Tostada's all right. Enchilada's all right. I just need a little taco. Surrender. That's what it was like. Yeah, what are you going to do? It's fun. Burrito. Burrito. Jay got in a fender bender right before it. Dang it. What? Yeah, right before the thing. Dang it. Who was driving? I was. Oh, Jay. He's never done that in his whole life. I've never done it in my entire ride. Was that even in a car with you? I've been in wrecks that I'm not responsible for, which is, you know, okay, I'm into that. I'm not into it, but I don't want it. I look down for Tuesday. I'm driving Kim's little.

11:44Little wind-up car. New car. New car. Little wind-up car. And she's like, I can't rip these apart. Rip what apart? All the wristbands. Like, I'm running late, you know, because I had to go pick up Adam's wife on the way to the venue. This is a guaranteed fight. I can already feel it. I got to get there. I got to get there. I got to get there. So we pull over, grab Christy, jump back on the road. And Kim's like, I got to give me my wristband because you're going to drop me off in front. So she's tearing their wristband. I can't tear these. I'm like, let me. I look down for two seconds. I look up, and everyone's stopping. Oh. So her car does not stop. It's got that ADS brakes. Every tire is kind of in. It doesn't lock them up. Or my truck just locks them up. So I'm sliding. I see the car in front of me slide. And I, boom, hit the car in front of me. Push it into the car in front of it. No way! You're responsible for both of those cars. Oh, jeez. So I get out. Did it happen on the freeway? It happened on the freeway. Right at our exit. Our car, nothing. Perfect. Of course. Nothing. Of course. Car in front of me, nothing. Perfect. The car in front of that. Has like a dark, you know, something on the bumper. So I don't know if we'll end up replacing the bumper. Oh, well, that's not bad then. That's not bad. Yeah, that's not bad. We weren't really going fast. I mean, that's why I felt like I could look down. But still, it like sucks the manly hood out of you. It is the most nerve-wracking thing. When you rear end somebody, you're like, I'm so sorry. And they get so mad. No, they were so nice. Yeah, well, Jay showed up.

13:06And he was in good shape and, you know, it seemed like Kim was kind of nervous and everything after what had happened. She was shaking. But everybody was okay. This is actually, I'm down with this. This woman in Oceanside surrendered a baby at the fire station. Now, if you don't know, you can do that. You know, if you have a baby and you don't want to keep the baby, you hear these awful stories about people putting them in trash cans and stuff like that. And they say, you know, why would you do that if you could drop the baby off at a hospital or drop the baby off at a fire station? Right. This person did. Right. The rule is after a baby's born, the law gives you the parent or guardian up to 72 hours to surrender a baby. And that's what this 20 something woman did. She showed up at the fire station in Oceanside, rang the doorbell. They opened the door and basically they said that all she kept saying was, please take my baby. Please take my baby. Please take my baby. She was wearing sweatshirt and sweatpants, which was.

14:04covered in stuff you know obviously she had just given a baby birth to a baby um the baby was about an hour old a little boy who was wrapped in a bathroom towel and appeared to be cold however he was healthy about seven pounds um they immediately took him to the tri-city medical center and he's doing just fine and the mom has about 14 days to change her mind and claim the baby you know you can also call an agency and Give your baby to an agency, too. There's a million of them out there. Right. So, I mean. It's, you know, I always say this. It's. It's not about why this, it's about what next. I love that phrase. And I think that she did the right thing. Yeah, for sure. I think she did the right thing and she turned that baby in at a place where they're going to take care of it. Yeah, that's what the firemen that were there said. It's all the time we find these babies in dumpsters and trash cans and stuff like that. And to see that woman there, it's like as sad and scared as she looked, it made us so happy to see her there. Good for her. Yeah.

15:01This was a, you know, my wife told me about this. My wife very rarely will mention a story to me unless it's really, really big. Yeah. And she said to me yesterday, did you hear about this awful crash? motorcycle crash in El Centro? Imperial Valley, yeah, El Centro over there. Basically, there's a group of motorcycle group in Lakeside called the Saddle Tramps, and they were taking a casual ride on their Harleys to celebrate their 10th anniversary, and it's just crazy. They're on the freeway riding along, and a Honda, a gold Honda Civic tried to pass them. As the Honda passed the motorcycles, the whole group of them, a dodge avenger swerved to avoid hitting the honda and they're saying maybe this dodge vendor the driver was under the influence of something that they're not that test is not out yet but the honda struck the motorcycles head on and they're saying it was like bowling you know like just pin after pin yeah and i mean it's just a terrible terrible accident the the police the first officer that

16:08that got to the scene said under 23 years it was the worst fatal accident they've ever seen. I mean, just so, so sad. Five people died, six hurt. One of the people in the Dodge Avengers passed away as well, a woman. Really? And just awful, awful, awful story. Horrific accident. I mean, so awful. And they're from Lakeside. Yeah. The folks that died that were from San Diego. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. So we'll be hearing a lot about this. I'm sure there'll be a big memorial and stuff. I mean, just such a sad thing that happened. And we're finding out if it was a DUI, the driver, because the driver is alive. And they're trying to find this gold Honda because it just drove away after that. Just left the scene. I know. Just awful. Wow. A huge story right now, especially here in San Diego. I mean, it was a national story. Let's see. Okay, so everybody knows about the Cardiff kook. The Cardiff kook is the statue of the surfer that's doing a very effeminate pose in Cardiff. And the bit with the Cardiff kook is dressing him up. And he was...

17:17Dressed up where they put a shark around him. Yes, a papier-mâché gigantic shark as if the shark was eating the statue. And it was, you know, a big joke back in July. Who did this? Who did this? Made national. No, global. Yeah, it was. It was global. CNN everywhere. Right. So four months after this has happened, the pranksters, the whole group of them have released a video. And I put it on my blog if you want to see it on MikeyShow.com. I mean, it's pretty funny. I would have played the audio, but it's like a news reporter talking over it, so you can't really hear it that well. But, you know, you hear the main guy laughing, like giving instructions. And it's them at 4 a.m. walking down the street with his gigantic shark paper mache. Which, by the way, I love. I mean, I don't think it was. There was nothing harmful about it. It was fun. It was good natured. It wasn't malicious. It wasn't malicious. It was all in good fun. Didn't vandalize. It was all fun. Didn't even touch the statue. You know what I mean? It was right around. He was dressed up like a soldier.

18:14Oh, for Veterans Day? Yeah, Veterans Day. There you go. Yeah, so it's just kind of a fun story. You can see it. I mean, it took them 15 minutes to slide the shark over the statue. They just screw it on. Oh, wow. It was quite the production. 570-1949 if you want to call. And if you want to text, 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us by text message if that's the way that you want to do it. Let's see. Apparently, in New York City, they will no longer look for lost pets. Now, what does that mean exactly, Sienna, that they're not going to look for lost pets? I'm assuming you can call animal control, you can call whatever now and say, my pet's missing. Well, because of budget cuts and stuff like that, apparently the budget for animal care and control in New York was slashed by a million and a half dollars over the last two years. So these budget cuts are putting pets at greater risk if they're lost because the animal care and control will no longer even take reports over a lost pet. Really? When before they would, and staffers at shelters will no longer search the facilities for lost animals. I mean, basically they're saying if you lose your pet...

19:25Your pet's basically going to be lost. Really? Yeah. No one's going to be helping you look for him. We're not even going to take your claim for a lost pet because of this huge budget cut. Yeah. So it's just sad. Yeah, it's really sad. It's very sad. Jessica Simpson's engaged. To who? To her boyfriend, who was a former NFL player. His name is Eric Johnson. And, you know, it's pretty funny because Jessica's ex-husband, Nick Lachey, announced his engagement just about a week ago. And now here she is, one-upping him. Now I'm engaged. Do you think that she still pines for Nick Lachey and still has feelings for Nick Lachey? I mean, you always kind of will, I think. But, yeah. I mean, from what everyone's saying, she really likes this guy a lot. Well, one would hope so. Yes. Yes, one would hope so.

20:13I bet you Nick Lachey is bummed because Eric Johnson was a pretty good tight end, and Nick Lachey is a notorious jock-sniffer. Yep. The athletes. He loves the athletes. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. It's got to kill him. It's got to get you a little. But the crazy thing about this, they've been together for like five months. I mean, not a long time. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, no, they started dating in May. How many? Yeah, about five months. Yeah. Yeah. Six months. He proposed to her on Thursday, but what- we didn't or what I didn't know was that he was married for five years and he his divorce was finalized on October 7th so that's last month holy cow so he's basically I mean she was dating him while they were separated he was still married now he's divorced you know not even a little over a month and now he's engaged again Well, the guy probably knew it was over, right? Right, right. I mean, it was a known thing that they were getting a divorce, but still, who wants to be the girl that's dating technically a married man? Well, the process probably took a while. He probably just got some dough. Yeah, right. He probably got some dough. I don't know. I read that he didn't have any dough. Really? And she was supporting him. Yeah, well. The ex-wife? No, Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson. Well, this may answer your question because he proposed to her with a three-stone ring. The center stone is a ruby.

21:30Oh, git. Come on, dude. Not a diamond. You're marrying Dorothy? There's two diamonds. I mean, it's a sizable ruby, they're saying. Maybe step up, pal. Yeah, maybe a diamond. Had to be. Listen, though. When it's that, then it's obviously understood on both sides. You don't give a woman a ruby without her knowing it. She knew it. You better not. No, of course you don't. You'll get killed. Of course you don't. I like Jessica Simpson a lot more because of that, though. Like, you know, she's a very wealthy girl who's been in the limelight. Like, now she's walking around with a ruby. Unless she replaces it. Yeah, but she would have done that. She would have said, look, let me just buy my own ring if that's the case. But she's wearing it. And by the way, I don't think it's weird that somebody gets married after five months. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. That's what I say. Yeah, I mean, I see that, too. I think, you know, I think the timing of the Nick Lachey. It's a little weird. And he just got divorced. He just got divorced. It's both of their second marriage. Well, Sienna and Woods both feel this, so finish that. I don't get it. In other words, Nick Lachey asks Vanessa Manila to marry him, and then Jessica Simpson says to her boyfriend, can you ask me now? You better ask her to get off the pot, pal. No, I don't think she said that, but I think it is kind of ironic timing. I wonder if it was him. I don't know, but explain it. I wonder if it was him that was like...

22:50Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. She's going to freak out. Nick just got engaged. She's going to freak out. She's going to freak out. Now, that makes sense to me. I got to do this. I believe that. That makes sense to me. That or she had him by the collar and was like, you listen to me. Yeah. He is sure it was his collar. Yeah. Big fight this weekend, man. Manny Pacquiao fought this weekend. He is pound for pound. That dude is just as real as it gets. And in addition. In addition to being, pound for pound, the greatest fighter ever, he's also a phenomenal singer. Just a phenomenal singer. You know, it's one of those deals where you say to yourself, how is it that somebody is so lucky that they get to be gifted in one area and also gifted in another? So gifted. Yeah, he's like Jared Leto. Yeah, yeah. Acting, singing, good looking, you know. Triple threat. Triple threat. Triple threat. Let me just tell you that Manny beat his opponent this weekend. In fact, beat him so handily that tomorrow the man is having surgery. And we'll tell you why and what he did to him in Woods on Sports. And also, big story out today about how the Chiefs head coach, Todd Haley, refused to shake hands yesterday with Josh McDaniels, the Broncos head coach. And we'll tell you why. And by the way, we're going to see. Do you agree?

24:27with Todd Haley's reasoning here. Why was he mad? We're going to tell you why he was mad. And you tell us. You go, I don't blame him. Or go, wuss. 5701949, just so you haven't. We'll talk about that next in Woods on Sports. I'll give you this, San Diego. You are gorgeous. You're chilly. This is not barbecue weather. But it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. Beautiful. Yes, it is. Pretty soon you're going to start smelling. Fireplace. It's already happened. Oh, yeah. My neighborhood's going on. And if you're at my house, you don't burn wood in the fireplace. You put candles in it. Oh, boy. Really? That sounds nice. It's a good idea. It doesn't really give off a lot of heat. It's like a decorative thing. It's a decorative thing. Nice touch. Manny Pacquiao.

25:40beat his opponent so bad the guy's having surgery tomorrow. Oh, man. And Woods will tell you on what. What is he going to have surgery on? And also the deal with Todd Haley, the coach of the Chiefs, didn't want to shake hands with Josh McDaniels, head coach over at Denver. And so we'll tell you why. See if you agree with it, too. That's a big deal. And then we have a ginormous announcement that we're going to be making at 7.30. Yep. A huge announcement. Not going to want to miss it. So, I thought that this was pretty good. Apparently, Sienna's sister had a homecoming this weekend. Both of them. Really? Yep, their homecoming dance. There you go. Oh, boy. I bet it's a lot different than it was in my day. It's like, you know, they had their dresses, getting the hair done, the makeup. Biggest limos I've ever seen. Limo to homecoming. I mean, we live like... Four blocks from our high school. And like dinner. I mean, the whole deal. That explains something. What? Saturday night after the eighth anniversary bash, I said, I want to eat a steak. For whatever reason, I was like, I need a steak. We went to Donovan's. Oh. So we're sitting there at Donovan's.

27:08behind us, at the booth behind us, I could hear it. And I was all like, whatever. And gosh, wouldn't that be so funny if we were like, oh my gosh, let's take a picture at night. And it was like the beach and you could barely see it. But like the moonlight's so rad when you take a picture. Like don't you notice that like if you have a moonlight and like that's the light that's lighting it up, it looks so rad. And I'm like, oh my gosh, yeah. Yeah. And you're sitting there going, what? What? But it's so funny because they all like Like Avalon and Waverly and all their friends, they meet up before the dance. You all take group pictures and stuff like that. And I'm just remembering that and just the whole corsage and like putting on the boutonniere. There's nothing more awkward than that, you know? It's a very awkward moment. And so is the picture taking. Oh, yeah. And, you know, you feel so adult. And that's the thing about it. You feel so adult, but your mom is going. Oh my gosh, that is so cute. Stand right. And you're like, oh mom, let me be a man. I just need a few more pictures. Yeah. Do you remember, did you go to homecoming? Of course not. You didn't? I had a, this is classic Gary Woods, my dad. I had a big homecoming dance and I had the hottest date. Stacey Anderson was my date and I was so stoked. And I didn't have anything to wear. And I was like.

28:23Mom, I need a suit and she's like you're this is back in the time when she's like your dad's gonna handle all the guys stuff So my dad's like I'm not buying you a new suit for what you're gonna He's like we'll find something around here. We're some khakis or something. Oh my gosh, you want to look sharp and you especially Oh, yeah So my dad gives me the bit of hey suits like a couple hundred bucks. So I'm like dad. I'll do anything My dad. We all, as a family, the boys in the family, my brother, my dad, and myself used to collect baseball cards. A lot of them. He made me sell him my baseball cards. Sell him? Oh my gosh. For the money, for a suit, for a homecoming. Classic, classic Gary Wood story. Oh my gosh. So we go into the game room, and I've got my whole collection, and all the good cards are in plastic sleeves. Like fancy. This is one of the most incredible stories you've ever told. So we're in the game room. We had this huge game room the size of the studio. And we have cards laid down on the floor. And my dad has, it's called the Beckett Manual. And anybody that's ever collected cards knows the Beckett Manual. I'm not kidding you. He'll grab this. He goes, okay, that's Frank Thomas. And I go, what's the Beckett say? He says, it's worth $10. I'll give you five. Oh, my. He's bargaining. He's bargaining. So here's me. I'm like, done. Done.

29:46He's like, ooh, Don Mattingly rookie. Yeah, that's $45. I'll give you $12. And I'm like, yep, sold, sold, sold, sold, sold. And I'm like, Dad, I got my upper deck complete set worth $125. Yeah. $50. Done. That is so sad. That's unbelievable. So I sold him. That is so sad. Now, granted, I'm going to get those back one day. They're going to be mine again. But at the time, I would. I would have given a pint of blood, anything he wanted, because I was going to look sharp for Stacey Anderson that night. There was no getting around it. Do you remember the suit? Yeah, it was a charcoal gray suit, and I had nice dress shirts, and he gave me this paisley tie. I'll never forget it, and I had suspenders. And it was pimp. I was pimp, dude. It was pimp, and I did a little Frenching that night. I'm not embarrassed to say. And, yeah, so I had to, not only did I have to sell and bargain to get the suit, but we went to this place called the Chart House, which was real, real nice. They have one here. They have one here, yeah.

30:53And that was like, you know, 60, 80 bucks. Oh, yeah. So I had to wheel and deal for that, too. Oh, my gosh. The whole thing. I love it. He never returned any of those to you? No. He's got them somewhere in a vault. That's great. I remember going to Homecoming and, like, the guy does all that and gets all ready and pays for everything. And being the bee that, like, didn't even dance with him. Yeah. Dance with my friends. With your friends. Exactly. Oh, man. Poor guy. That is the worst. M1 Douglas from El Cajon. What was the word of the day? That is correct, my friend. So, first of all, you're in the running now. You're in a drawing that we will do on Friday for a $500 value. It's a two-night stay at the Aquarius Casino Resort in Laughlin and a $50 gift card. But what you've won immediately is a pair of tickets to the FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny and a pair of sunglasses from Anarchy. Congratulations, brother. Hang on the line, please.

31:51So anyway, I thought that was fantastic. Fantastic. I thought that was great. And then also, this was kind of funny, too. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. We got M1 Hawk. Oh, no. Woods' dad. Woods' dad. I knew it. Woods' dad is M1 Hawk. He's listening online from Texas, and he's calling in. Hi, M1 Hawk. Guys, I call and defend myself. All right. All right. I cannot believe you. I love it. Let's go back to the beginning. This was a terrific teaching moment. Sure, sure. I told him, you know, I said, the fact of the matter is, you know, it's supply and demand. You really need the money. I don't need the cards. So you're going to lose a little bit in this transaction. That's great. What he failed to tell you at the very end was, heaven forbid that if something ever happened to you and you died, what happened to all these cards? Well, you'd get them. He said, how about buying everything I have? The whole thing. Gave him the whole set. That's great. We did. We wheeled and dealed on a bunch of like the really good cards. And then, you know, after seven hours of sitting in that room negotiating with my father, we decided, I was like, why don't you take what's left for like a hundred bucks? And that was probably the dinner money. Right. And he did. So your dad took all of the cards. Everything. And all of the money was used on this one homecoming date? Yes. Oh, wow. Guy goes big. You know that. I love it.

33:21on the outside with his ears open said, Brent came in and said, oh, by the way, Dad, can you buy all my cards? Wait, M1 Hawk, I want to know where these cards are right now. They're actually in storage. They're still alive and well. Isn't that crazy? That's so great. That's awesome. That's great. It's a good lesson. So one day you get to Lake House and a bunch of baseball cards. There you go. Pretty nice. Hopefully no time soon, my friend. That's right. Thank you, Hawk. All righty, guys. See you, Dad. Appreciate that. One of my guy friends, and this was not in La Jolla. I'm just going to stop you right now. He saved up so much money for prom that he flew he and his date. by helicopter to San Francisco for dinner, came back and went to prom. Are you kidding me? Can you believe that? In a helicopter? You're friends with Richard Gere from Pretty Woman? I think it was a helicopter. Can a helicopter do that? Maybe private plane. It was something ridiculous. Oh my gosh. I wonder if that guy closed any business that night. You better have.

34:27Yeah, I don't like planes. I'm in a vomit. They went to San Francisco for dinner, flew back, and went to prom. That's one of the pimpest things I've ever heard. I know a guy that did that on a date, but he's a grown adult, pulled up onto the runway at Carlsbad Airport, and there was a private plane waiting. They just went and had dinner? Yeah, they flew to Vegas. Mile High Club? 100%. You better be. This struck me as hysterical, too. I'm in lazy mode. Sunday nights are family night. That's when my family, my mom and dad, come over to have dinner. And it used to be that for years I would cook. I haven't cooked now. I can't even tell you how long it's been since I've cooked a dinner. When I moved here, you were like, hey, Woodsy, I'm making a chicken or I'm doing this. I'm making tacos or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, whatever. I came over once or twice. Yeah, you don't do the bit anymore. It's Buca di Beppo or Roundtable. Every Sunday. Every single time. The important thing is you get together. Yeah, we get together. But it struck me as funny because Sienna said that she orders pizza and ordered pizza this weekend. And she said that it's humiliating because the guy on the phone.

35:38knows who she is. She does! I have a new baby, okay? No, I called and it's always like the same three guys that answer the phone. Is this Juggs? No, and the first thing they say is, alright, what do you want? And so I place my order and I always get the same thing every time. A large pizza, half cheese, half sausage and meatball with some Gatorades. Who's the sausage and meatball part? Todd. And you just like cheese? I like cheese. Jenna likes the sausage and meatball, too. Yeah. And so I order it, and then the guy says, is this Sienna? And I'm like, no. Yes, it's me. No. I wanted to do that. I wanted to do that. Somebody else. Same address, though. But it's somebody different. I wanted to just hang up on him so badly. How dare you? How dare you? You don't know who I am. You don't know me. Sienna, how many times a week? Once. Okay, that's not bad. Maybe twice. Maybe twice. It's great. It's the best pizza. It's fantastic. Oh, that's hilarious. It's humiliating. I don't want to eat pizza again for a long time. I'm done with it. I'm fried on pizza. You say that and then two days go by and you're like, I can go for some pizza right now. Yeah, didn't go to my workout on Friday. Oh, you're dead. No, I didn't go. You're going today. I negotiated with my trainer.

37:01I said, I'll give you three days next week, Millie, if you let me off, you know, having to come in today. And she said, deal, done. You have to go today. It's Monday. She's a sadist. She's a sadist. She wants you dead. You know, but I was looking at some pictures of when I was working out really hard, you know, and I said, okay, I want that again. My face looks like dough and I want that again. You know, I want to get rid of the, my wife filmed me singing on stage and I looked at it. And I said, it looks like I have dynamite packed underneath my T-shirt. It looks like I'm a terrorist and I'm about to walk onto a plane. Why are we all so hard on ourselves? I am so fat right now. I hate it. I feel like a banana slug from UC Santa Cruz. I feel like a banana slug. It's the worst. It's the absolute worst. All right, so I got to find out all these things that Woodsy has to tell us. Woodsy's got some big stories in Woods on Sports. We're about to hear them. 7.30 this morning. Big announcement. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, Filipino phenom, Manny Pacquiao, he did it again. He beat Mexican Antonio Margarito, one of your countrymen. Yes, that's right. Beat him down. It was a decision. It was a 12-round decision. He beat this guy's face in, man. This guy, he suffered a cracked orbital bone in his face. He's got surgery tomorrow.

38:39Listen to this. Manny Pacquiao landed 411 of 713 power punches. Oh, wow. While Margarito landed 135 of 312. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my. 400 punches. Wow. Dude, Manny's pretty amazing. Dude, he broke the guy's face. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that fight was Saturday night at Cowboy Stadium in Arlington, Texas. And you have audio of Manny? I do have audio. This is Manny Pacquiao after the fight. Well, I mean, I just do my job and, you know, my opponent is not that easy and he's very strong and very tough. And I hit a lot in his face, but still strong and can fight. Sorry? You heard what you said. Thank you, Manny. Oregon and Auburn remain No. 1 and No. 2, respectively, atop the latest BCS standings. Third-ranked TCU finds Boise State hot on its heels. So TCU is still third. Boise State is nipping at their heels. And I got to take my hat off to my Notre Dame Fighting Irish, who beat Utah.

39:46ranked Utah at home 28-3. I was so happy. Yeah, no kidding. And, of course, I didn't see one play of the game, so maybe that's the new bid. I don't watch, and they win. And I got to rip through some NFL scores, man. It was an awesome weekend in the NFL. The Colts won 23-17 over the Bengals. Peyton Manning did not even throw a touchdown pass, and they still won 23-17. Carson Palmer, my fantasy quarterback, threw three picks. Weird. Mark Sanchez had a great, gutty win. They won 26-20 over the Browns. The Bears went in and demolished the Vikings 27-13. Brett Favre sounds like a broken man. Cut to. Can this team make the playoffs? Yes, I'll say yes to that. Will we make the playoffs? I have no idea. No idea. He's thinking out loud, Brett. And for anyone in our locker room to think beyond next week, or really beyond today, do a little self-evaluation. Will we get a real Christmas tree or will we get artificial? I don't know. Watching the playoffs. That's probably a better guess than us making the playoffs. That's just being honest. He says his boys are going to be watching them on TV. Probably. Yeah, absolutely. The Buffalo Bills are off the schneid. They got their first win of the year, 14-12 over the Lions. Oh, wow. I mean, a win's a win. The Buccaneers over the Panthers, 31-16.

41:11The Dolphins over the Titans, 29-17. Did anybody see the highlights from the Jaguars game? I heard, dude. Totally. I heard. Four seconds. Four seconds left. David Garrard goes back, and he throws a bomb into the end zone. Now, the DB jumps up. Abram Elam is the DB. He jumps up and does exactly what he's supposed to do. Right. Knock it down. Yeah. Knock it down. Well, he knocked it down. He knocked it right into the hands of Mike Thomas, who's the receiver for the Jaguars. Here he is talking about it. LLB, try to contain yourself. Cut three. It's a typical Hail Mary, man. You know, you never know what you expect on those kind of plays. But, you know, my objective is to scoop it. And, you know, the ball was up in the air. I took a glance at it. And, you know, the DB jumped over Mike. And, you know, he batted it. And it fell right in my hands. And it's like a little kid at Christmas. I walked right in there. It was awesome. I seen the ref do like this. And, you know, I guess the rest is history. Jay, can you do me a favor? Yep. Can you isolate? It's like a little kid at Christmas. There's only a million things we can use that for. Yeah, 100%. The Broncos over the Chiefs. Okay, so 49-29 was the final score. Now, Todd Haley is the coach of the Chiefs. Josh McDaniels is the coach of the Broncos. The Broncos played lights out. They scored 21 in the first, 14 in the second. Kyle Orton threw for four touchdowns. Mike and I were talking about it this morning. Now, Mike had heard that Todd Haley...

42:35was upset after the game because he felt that the Broncos ran up to score. I also read that he looked over to the sidelines of the Broncos and saw them kind of celebrating and jumping around and just kind of clowning out a little early. And there's a picture of him, and he's got his finger right in Josh McDaniels' face at the end of the game. Would not shake his hand. Josh McDaniels is extending his hand for the handshake, and Todd Haley refused to shake his hand. Oh, grow up. Now, here's the question. Is it okay? to be upset that the score was run up on you. Well, my thought on that is this is not Pop Warner. Right. You're professionals. Yeah. And if you don't have a defense professionally capable of stopping another professional football team and they run up 150 points on you, that's your bad. You're professional football players. That's the bottom line. You're getting paid the big bucks. And even if the other team is celebrating,

43:35Don't be that guy that has, you know, you're so mad. Sore loser. Sore loser, sour grapes. You're so mad that those guys beat you and they beat you soundly that you're not going to shake the opposing coach. It's a colleague. Yeah. You shake the guy's hand. Yeah. Period. And, I mean, I just don't think that, I don't think Josh McDaniels did anything wrong. I don't either. I don't either. I don't want a game, want it big. That's what he's paid to do. Exactly. The 49ers beat the Rams 23-20. The Dallas Cowboys under new head coach Jason Garrett. Looked like a different team. They beat the Giants 33-20 on the road, which was incredible. The Seahawks over the Cardinals 36-18 and the Patriots over the Steelers 39-26. Got some hubbies and BFMC's that are probably not really happy today. Yeah, because Sienna, your husband's a huge fan. Big time Pittsburgh fan. So is the BFMC, the boyfriend, Matt Commerce. Lauren's boyfriend, whom, by the way, I heard with my own ears, get a babe. Yes. Get a babe. Nice. Hey, babe. Yeah, a babe is pretty, you know. That's big. By the way, it's one thing, you know, like you can't really call somebody. You ever broken up with somebody and talk to them again? It's hard to call them by their name. Yeah. You ever broken up with somebody, you know, you're talking to them and you have to be like.

44:58Hello, Leslie. Yeah. It's just weird, you know? Hello, Leslie. Yeah. It's strange. And the Monday night game is tonight. The Eagles and Redskins kickoff is at 530 at Washington. That is Woods on Sports. There it is. Got my Eagles gear on. Look at you, L.O.B. Support. You're ready. We still have some very sensational stuff coming up in a little bit with Lou Holtz. It's audio that's been leaked. I don't know. But it's Lou Holtz going off on a female intern to the point that she cries. And my take may be a little surprising for you. Did you hear about this dude from Oceanside? This guy got into trouble this weekend with a TSA at Lindbergh Field because they wanted to pat him down. And he, quote...

45:56didn't want them touching his junk. Oh, boy. And he recorded the whole thing. Yep. Nice. He recorded the whole thing, and we have it, and we're going to play it for you. We also have Woods of Wisdom coming up, so if you have a question for Woods, let's do it. And at 7.30 this morning, the Mikey Show makes a massive announcement. Johnny Cash. I don't know when I'm stuck in Folsom prison. Think that guy's ever had a nice fresh whiskey? Oh, yeah. So this is great and amazing audio that I'm going to be playing for you here in just a couple of minutes. This guy from San Diego. By the way, nationwide news, national news. It is everywhere. It's everywhere.

47:30This guy that was from Oceanside, he was going to go hunting or fishing or something. Pheasant hunting. He was going pheasant hunting. That's why he was at the airport. And they did the thing where they want to body scan him. He want to. And so he recorded his conversation with the TSA. And dude got into a little bit of trouble. We'll tell you all about that. Hey, just a minute ago, Woods was telling you about the Jacksonville game yesterday. Which was a really amazing game. Comes down to the final minutes. The score is tied. They're about to go into overtime. And David Gerrard, the quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars, at home decides, hey, I'm going to go for it. Hail Mary pass. Throws this sucker up there. Goes into traffic in the end zone. The defending team bats it away right into the hands of a waiting Jacksonville Jaguar. Mike Thomas. Mike Thomas, who just takes a couple of steps into the end zone. Boom, they win the game. Time had expired. Zero seconds left on the clock. The reason I'm bringing it up again is because the radio call for the Jacksonville Jaguars is one of the more exciting and funny calls probably ever. I think he's excited. He hit it. That guy hit it hard, too. I mean, he batted it down hard. What a catch. I feel bad for him. Oh, yeah.

49:08He did exactly what he was supposed to do. He did what he was supposed to do. Let me see if this is... Hey, Jay, make a note. Can you make a note for me? Absolutely. TV1, we're only getting in the left channel. And I'll forget. So TV one, we're only getting in the left channel, and I need to be able to get it in both. Huge announcement coming up at 7.30, by the way. Can't wait. Huge Mikey show announcement coming up at 7.30. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. It's Will. Will. Okay, so here you go. Guy from Oceanside, right? Yep. He's flying, getting on the plane at Lindbergh Field, and... doesn't like the x-ray machines that they use at limber the new scanner and he wasn't aware that they had a scanner it's inside the san diego airport and he'd heard about him and he'd heard that there was some health concerns with him and so he said listen i'm not i'm not gonna do it right so he said so he said i'll go through the regular scanner and you can do a pat down test so the the tsa they say yeah if you're not going through that x-ray thing then we have to do a special deal where we pull you aside yeah here's what happened

50:23doing a standard pat down on me today using my hands going like this. All right. Also, we're going to be doing a groin check. That means I'm going to place my hand on your hip, the other hand on your inner thigh, slowly go up and slide down. Okay. We're going to do that two times in the front and two times in the back. All right. And if you'd like a private screenie, we can make that available for you also. We can do that out here, but if you touch my junk, I'm going to have you arrested. Okay. Actually, Security is everyone responsible. We're going to have a supervisor here because of your statement. Okay. Supervisor. He's calling supervisor over because of the comment. Yeah. You can't say to the TSA guy, if you touch my junk, I'm going to have you arrested. Right. You're not allowed. That apparently is a part of the rules now. That seems like not that crazy of a statement. Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't want someone going up in my business. Well, I would, but.

51:22Just not that guy. Not that guy. I think where he went wrong is threatening a TSA guy. And, you know, whether or not you feel like that was threatening or not doesn't really make any difference because he can't do that. He can't do that and he also can't say that. You're threatening with the police, though. I mean, it's not like he said, I'm going to hit you in the face if you do this. He says, I'm going to call the cops on you. Yeah. And I can see the argument there. I mean, I can definitely see the argument, but it's still a threat. And I think that because he, the way that he phrased it, I guess, the whole junk deal. Maybe he just knew he was becoming hostile and there's no way that he was going to win because this guy would have cried wolf. Am I the only one that thinks that the guy's a clown? Which one? I think he's, I think it's kind of clownish. And apparently the guy's name is Josh Tyner. And apparently, excuse me, John Tyner. And apparently, because he refused to do this, he's going to be hit. He is threatening, by the way, a civil suit. Idea. I've got an idea for you. Do what you're told in the airport. Just do what you're told. Yeah, but some people are really, really freaked out about these new body scanners. If they tell me to go through, I'm going through. I'm not.

52:48They get to touch your junk? No, Jay, because they get to touch your junk because you don't go in the body scanner. Go in the body scanner like they told you to do and then get on your flight and go shoot birds. Have a ball. Go fish. Drink beer. Whatever you want to do. And by the way, I got that backwards. The airport is threatening him with a $10,000 fine. And the airport is threatening him. With a civil suit. That is not... We talk about it on this show all the time. That is not a place where you make your own rules, man. You do what you're told. But you're allowed to refuse to go through there. Well, then you have to get the test. You can't complain about that. You've got to do one or the other. But he's going through the regular machine. I mean, I don't understand why they have to pat your crotch down. The reason they had to pat his crotch down is because he said, I don't want to go through that new body scan. And by the way, and by the way... They're not patting his crotch down. You know, to me, patting your crotch down is patting your crotch. And they weren't going to do that. He explained exactly what he was going to do. He said, I'm going to put one hand on your hip, and I'm going to put the other hand on your inner thigh, and I'm going to feel.

53:55If there's anything there. But not everyone has to go through these new scanners. Right. He was selected because of something. And that's what got this guy, I think. It's random. He's like, look, what did I do? I did. You did. I was with you. Woods was with me when we went to Vegas. I was pulled out. you know, from everybody. And, you know, they had me go on that x-ray thing. Probably because they could tell that I would have embarrassing private parts and they wanted to laugh at me. Well, it was a towel that was wrapped around your head. That too. That may have had something to do with it. May have had something to do with it. Well, you know, he also said in the audio, I'm six foot one, white with short brown hair. I don't look like a terrorist. Oh, boy. He was not happy about being selected. And don't go... Listen, you're talking to, out of the five of us on this show, The biggest, finger quote, rebel here. When I go to the airport, I am Johnny Law, man. I am yes sir, no sir, whatever you need because that is not a place that you want to screw around. They're not messing around. They don't mess around there. You don't go in there and go, hey, look at me. I make my own rules. You just don't. And the fact that he knew, I'm going to show these guys. I'm going to record this. I'm going to hide it. They're not going to know what's going on. And then I'm going to have this audio that I'm going to release to YouTube. How did he even?

55:11secretly recorded. I wondered that too. It sounds great. It's on his cell phone. He turned on the video camera on his cell phone and he put it through the x-ray machine so it was on. You can't see anything but you can hear it and they weren't aware that it was on because he wasn't holding it. Right. Wow. I don't know. Maybe follow the rules. Follow the rules. I'm a rule follower. I'm not going through the body scan. Well, a lot of people are saying that. If they tell you to, L.O.B., you have to. No, no, no, she doesn't. Then you get a pat down. You get a pat down. That's okay. You're fine with the pat down? Yeah, it'll be a female. Same with Rebecca. They pulled me and Rebecca aside probably because it was a Mexican with a white girl. I mean, hello. Kidnapped. Kidnapped. Kidnapped. Yeah, absolutely. But, you know, the same deal. They got a female. to come over, and they put their arms, you know, this lady...

55:58put her fingers right underneath Rebecca's boobies. Yep. She did. Smuggled some drugs. Yeah, see if there was any drugs being smuggled. Sienna could take a kilo. A kilo. Two VWs. Two kilos. Oh, my gosh. Well, no, I'm sure this guy, you know, John Tyner, he's been hearing, because all over the news, pilots and flight attendants, they're saying, look, I'm not doing this, and I don't want to do the pat-down either. This is my job. I have to do this all the time. Why am I being questioned? So, you know, everyone is having a problem with these scams. Why am I the only one that doesn't have a problem? Like, okay, you tell me to do it, I'll do it. Well, if you're a pilot or a flight attendant and, you know, it's not the best thing for you. The radiation, it can cause problems, especially if you're going through them all the time like they are. Yeah, that's true. It's funny, the same guy who dips and smokes doesn't care what happens to his body. Yeah, exactly. 570-1949. So strange. Whatever you think, love to hear what you think. Mikey, show who's this? This. Who is it? James. James? Is that the wrong number? Did you say James? Jane. Jane. What's happening? What's happening? Jane. Gum? Jane? Dad? Hello? Yeah, sorry. I have the wrong number. That's okay. It's okay, buddy. All right. Say Jane. That guy said his name eight times. He might have called Jack or Christy. Maybe he was trying to call Jane.

57:24Is this Jane? No, this is Mikey. No, this is Jane. Yeah. Can I help you? Hello. Yeah. 570-1949. I'd love to hear what your opinion is on that. That's what happens when Will goes to get open. Yeah. No phone screener because we sent him out. I'm still growing my hair out. I gotta get a picture. I think it looks dynamite. I'm staring at the stripe down the middle of your forehead. I think it looks tough. I think it looks hard. Yeah, I think it looks hard. I think it looks masculine. I think it looks... You have not complained about it at all. That doesn't bother me. You just stay pretty quiet about it. Take my headphones off, let Jaybird take a picture. It's growing quick. Yeah, it is. By the way, Jay, it isn't lost on me that you try to take the most humiliating angle. Jay picks the most humiliating angle he can to photograph my head. Jay, why do you have to do that? Yeah, he won't let me stand up straight. He's like, he has a spot he focuses on. He loves to get it. And he's like. He likes to take it so he's shooting down at the top of your head. Exactly. Where it's lacking a little bit of hair. Mikey Show, who's this? Hello? Hello? Hello? Is this Shane?

58:39Nat, what's going on? Jane? How you doing? Good. For listening to the show, my cousin called me this morning because I'm deeply involved with constitutionalism, especially recently. Uh-huh. And, you know, times are getting crazy in the world, and these body scanners are just something that adds to that. Who's the guy that says he doesn't have a problem with them at all? Me. He's willing to follow the rules. Me. Both of us. Me, Woods, and me. Yeah, both of us don't have a problem. No problem with health risks. No problem with stored images. No problem with... Databases, biometrics, no problem with that at all. Okay, well, wait. Wood says no. And I have a little bit of a problem because I don't understand the chemistry that goes behind these scanners. I've gotten x-rayed before. Sure. And so, you know, in terms of that, I figure if I could do that. Are you going to wear that thing? That's true. I definitely think that there is a high importance for...

59:42both of you to research these further. How come? Because there is absolutely nothing good about them and anyone who says that they're a rebel or anyone who says that you should just follow the rules and doesn't question authority, especially TSA agents who aren't even sworn peace officers, is ridiculously ignorant. Hey, wait a minute. It has no care for the future of this country. I applaud you guys for putting the story on the radio. What's your name, bro? What is your name? What is your name? I said my name is Nat. Nat, I'm sorry. Nat, I apologize. Don't be angry. You sound mad. I'm extremely serious. I am too, but I just want you to hear me out. There are, I think there's two types. There's types that question authority and there's types that don't. For me, I don't have to question authority because I don't have anything to be afraid of. I don't mind if the government listens into my phone calls. You know why?

1:00:44I'm not saying anything I got to worry about. Whatever. Knock yourself out. Well, here's the deal, Nat. Here's the deal. Well, let me explain. I'll explain to you. That is ridiculous. Well, hear me out. Hear me out. Regardless of what they are doing, don't need or want or have any desire to have anybody violating their rights. Here's my thought, Nat. Here's my thought. Nat! My friend. Please. Here's the deal. After September 11th, for me, all bets were off. In a lot of different areas, that's one of them. If we can find terrorists by... listening into phone calls. And by the way, Nat, nobody's going to listen into your phone call. You're not that important. Neither am I. Neither am I. Neither am I. Hey, hang on a minute. Hang on, interrupter. Hang on, interrupter. Hang on, interrupter. Hang on, interrupter. I let you talk. I let you talk. Oh, for goodness sake. I can't let you on if we're going to talk over each other. We sound like a couple of old women arguing at the senior center over Bacala.

1:02:07Yeah, we sound like The View, bro. We sound like The View. Here's the deal. I don't have anything to hide. You guys are blind just because of mere ignorance, and I'm sorry, whatever the reason is. Yeah, it isn't ignorance. It isn't ignorance. I think it's ignorant to say that because somebody wants you to go in a body scan, that's a violation of your civil rights. It's not. It's not a violation of your civil rights to ask you to go through a scanner. Kind of is. It's really not. Now, them saying, let me look at your cell phone records. Sure. That's private. This is a matter of safety. And that's it. And that is your only issue with it? Like the medical side of it? That there's health concerns with it? Is that your only issue? And Nat leave? I think he hung up. He said, good luck. Ran out of breath. His problem, too, was the stored images and keeping stuff like that with database. What am I afraid of? A picture of me with... Some people...

1:03:10aren't as open as you. Well, that's true. They don't want their privates all over the place. I don't. I love my privates all over the place. I do see what he's saying now. I wouldn't want someone, even though I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't want someone listening to my phone calls. They're not going to, though, Sienna. Yeah, but they can. They can. That's apples and oranges, though. But that's what he's talking about. Like, what happened? We live, you know, there's supposed to be freedom of speech, we're supposed to have privacy, but we don't. And that's what he's saying. You've got to think about the spirit of the deal. Why are they doing it? They're doing it because they're trying to catch terrorists. They're not going to listen to LOB and me. Yes, they can. But the idea behind it is that they're doing it to flag people that they think may be involved in terrorist activity and then do something about it. Now, me, Joe, normal, everyday dude, they're probably not going to listen to me. And if they do, if they do, by the way, what do I care? They might eventually. It might be really. considering we're trillions of dollars in debt, to be listening in to things that you're interested in, selling that information to Google, to advertisers, to whoever. I'm Joe Nobody, too, but I feel like I bet someone's listened to one of my conversations. I bet you the government wants to know what the next deal is with Hoyle. Yeah. I mean, what is Hoyle up to in this next week's Mikey show? I think what he's saying is that...

1:04:34If it starts with this thing, where else will it go? Just do it. When it comes to the airport, do as you're told. And if there is an alternative and you want to take the alternative, take that alternative. Don't bitch about the alternative. M1 Renee from San Diego. You there? I'm here. Go ahead. Good morning. Good morning. Listen, you know, excuse me. If I was behind somebody who acted like that, I would be exit stage left. I would not want to get on a plane with somebody who was so... psycho about getting themselves felt up, because what if they did have something on them? That would be my first thought. Hey, I'll take it a step further. I don't want to get on a plane where they're not doing thorough checks. I'm happy for the checks that they're doing, Nat. You're still listening, and I know you aren't. Thank you for the call. I appreciate that. M1TJ from San Diego. I've been listening for about six months now. Thank you, bro. I served in the Marine Corps for a while. And I've been overseas. The thing I think people fail to realize, just how big our border are, just how many people move around in this country, in and out of the country. And flying on a plane, like you said, is public transit and airplanes. And these checks need to be in place. Think about what's going to happen if there's another 9-11 and we're not making these checks. Oh, I guarantee you. I guarantee you that what you'd hear nationally is...

1:06:07how come we weren't doing more to protect ourselves and blah, blah, blah, blah. I think you make a great point. Look how much stuff gets through already. I mean, there was a plane on the runway a couple of weeks ago, right? So shouldn't they just be trained better then? Definitely. And I think that they are. I think that we give, I don't think we give enough credit to what our government does to protect us. I think they do a lot to protect us and I think they're trying. So when we come back. We are making a huge announcement. It's going to be really good. And we're going to be playing a new game called Car Ride Play-By-Play. I think you're going to lie. Our huge announcement in just moments. But first, Sienna, what's going on in news? A sad story, but a really big story right now. If you haven't heard about the family that went missing in Ohio on Thursday, some good news. A police SWAT team rescued Sarah Maynard. She's the 13-year-old girl that was missing out of the family.

1:07:24Sad, though. She was found bound and gagged in the basement of a home in Mount Vernon, Ohio, yesterday. She's okay. The man who owns the home, Matthew Hoffman, has been arrested. He's 30 years old, and he's been charged with kidnapping. Still missing is her mom, brother, and friend of her mother. But she's being treated for injuries, and they're saying she's in good shape physically. So that's good. That is good. On a lighter note, Bill Clinton will be joining the cast of The Hangover, too. Are you serious? Yes, he's going to be playing himself. He just shot a brief appearance on Saturday. Oh, wow. I love to go to Bangkok. It's a great city. I bet you love it, Bill. I love the cuisine. Oh, the cuisine. It's the cuisine. Why are you doing finger quotes when you say cuisine? I don't know why. That's radio. You didn't have to tell everybody. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, man, speaking of a sad story, three University of Southern Mississippi football players were shot early Sunday morning. During a fight at a nightclub, all three are in fair condition at a local hospital. Very, very scary. But linebackers Martez Smith and Tim Green and defensive end Diedrich Jones were shot after 1.30 a.m. and no arrests had been made. Also, a weird story came out this weekend about Steve Nash. His wife, Alejandra, gave birth to their new baby boy, Mateo. And the next day, he filed for divorce.

1:08:41which is just very, very weird. Basically, he says they've been living apart for several months, but they're firmly committed to raising their children in the most positive, nurturing way possible. So there's a lot of speculation out there. We're not going to get into any of that, but you can make your own conclusions, and we'll fill you in when there's more to the story. That is a weird story, though. It's very straight. The day after you give birth to a child, get a divorce. All right, you ready? You ready for this? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, December 16th and 17th. Mark them on your calendar because that is the day of the Mikey-thon. Yeah! That's right. The Mikey Show and Rady Children's Hospital are very proud to bring you Mikey-thon 2010. It will start at 6 a.m. on Thursday, December 16th, and it will end at 10 a.m. Friday, December 17th. Oh, boy.

1:09:48You get 28 straight hours of The Mikey Show commercial free. Wow. And this is the first ever with FM 94.9 and Woods and Jay. Well, not Jay, actually. Sienna and L.O.B. It is quite an extravaganza. It will be taking place here at Studio M. And also, we are going to have a special area set up for listeners. Is it the top deck? Yeah, we got the top deck of the parking garage. Yeah. So cool. The whole top deck of the parking garage. We'll be able to see you all. We'll be able to see people from our window. I'm going to moon you. There you go. From the windows up here. We will have all kinds of weird surprises and shenanigans that will be going on during this thing. Big stuff planned. Yeah, big stuff planned. And here's the deal, too. And this is, for me. Personally, the most important part. We are going to have auctions and prizes set up to bid on and all the proceeds, of course, going to Rady Children's Hospital ADI. That is the Autism Discovery Institute. And I am so happy about that. If you're new listening to The Mikey Show, my son Jake was diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago.

1:11:14This is just a really cool thing because he went through the toddler program there at Rady and just amazing things happened with my son. And this is a way to raise money for their ADI. And it's really exciting. Again, this will be Thursday, December 16th and 17th. It's only on FM 94.9. And we're going to do something really cool. where we are going to play a couple of movies and we're going to make fun of the movies. Now, this is what you're going to want to do. It's very important for you to get these movies now, either buy them or rent them. And the reason is once they're rented and when I make this announcement, there's going to be a run on these movies. The reason that there's going to be a run on them is because people want to watch them with us. We will synchronize. So I will say, All right, press play on your DVD player now, and you will basically be watching and turn the volume down on your TV and listen to us on the radio making fun of this movie that you're watching, and we'll be airing the audio of the movie, the whole thing. It's pretty awesome. The movies for Mikey-thon 2010 are Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Baby in the Corner. Nobody. Which I've never seen. Me neither. It's one of my favorites. So great.

1:12:40I've seen it about 500 times. Me neither. And Waterworld. I love that movie. I did too. Sadly, I've seen Waterworld. Never seen it. I liked it. We're like the only three that did. It's universally considered the biggest bomb of all time. And it was like the most expensive movie for a long time. It cost about $7 billion to make. They had to flood the world. Yeah, they had to flood the world to do it. It's cheap. It's so expensive. All right, M1s, what do you think? Are you excited? 570-1949. I want to know about... And listen, the reason that we're giving you the date now is you want to take these days off. Yes. Because what it ends up being is like Mikey stock. I mean, it's like Woodstock. There's camping out. There is, you know, I mean, it's an event. Performances. Performances. I mean, crazy. We're putting a big stage up on the top of the parking garage. We're going to do a big tent for you to get underneath. Yep. It's killer. You know, the news will be here. It is a jive.

1:13:47event. Also, if you were able to figure out that this is probably what we were going to be announcing, you know, for me, it's a labor of love. You know, I am I'm thinking about my son through this thing. And this year, we really, really want to raise a lot of money. I'm not putting any goals on it right now. I can tell you that the most that we've ever raised has been twenty thousand dollars. But I really would like to raise a lot of money, and I know that this year we're getting Jeff Strauss involved. Jeffrey's the owner of Pamplemousse Grill, my favorite restaurant, not just here in San Diego, but in the world. I love this place, and the food's great, but the thing that's cool about... Jeff is that he knows a lot of people that are very influential. He's good friends with a lot of people that are influential. He's good friends with Drew Brees, good friends with a lot of current and former Charger players, good friends with Alex Solis, who races here every year, and Bob Baffert, and a lot of these guys that are involved in racing.

1:15:02he's going to get involved and try to get some guys to donate some stuff and try to get a lot of money raised. We want to raise as much money as we possibly can for Rady Children's Hospital and for their Autism Discovery Institute. And so it's Mikey-thon 2010. Couldn't be more excited about it. And we're ready to go. A couple of people are on the line and want to ask questions. M1 Zerk from Oceanside. Are you there? Yeah, what's going on, Mikey? What's up, dude? Hey, Matt, I've never even heard of anything like that, so it's pretty cool that you're doing it. How are you guys able to do without any commercials? You know, it's really actually pretty cool, and I have to commend our sales department here in reaching out to all of the people that pay for advertising time. They get it. They really do. The advertisers here on FM 94.9 have been really, really understanding and cool. And they get it. And they understand that this is for an incredibly good cause. That this money is going to Rady Children's Hospital. And that it's for an incredibly good cause. And that's the reason that the news comes out and covers it. And it's just for, that's the way that it's able to be done.

1:16:19That's awesome, Matt. You guys are going to be there the whole time then, huh? We're here the entire 28 hours. And by the way, that's a great question. If anybody for a minute questions, are they really there for the full 28 hours broadcasting for 28 straight hours with no breaks? Call us. That's what we say. Call us. In fact, we want you to call us. We'll need the calls. We'll be lonely. Keep us awake. Keep us awake. Keep us going. M1 Smurf is on the line from Del Mar. Are you there, Smurf? Yeah, how's it going? Good, man. What's your question? Are we going to be able to barbecue on the parking structure? What do you think, Jay? That is a good question. I'll have to ask. That's a long time. I don't want to have to leave to go get food. No, we got you. And I can totally understand that. Man, that sounds like fun. Doesn't it? And there's usually food for the listeners that are here too, isn't there? We've done it before where we've had food, so I can't imagine we couldn't set a barbecue. What we probably would want to do is provide a barbecue pit for you guys to use instead of everybody have multiple barbecue pits. That's a good idea. So there's no charcoal, fires, that kind of thing. It's just propane. Awesome.

1:17:30That dude. That dude. That sounds so good. I'm going to want one of those. Me too. That's right. Well, let me tell you, man. Just beyond excited. M1 Veronica from Escondido. Hello. How are you? Good. How are you doing? I'm excited about this. This is going to be my fourth one. That's rad. For all the people who have never been to one of these, you show up, you're going to meet people, and you're still going to be friends with them. That's where I met M1 Sanjaya. I met M1 Danny. I met M1 Cheap Soda. Yep. It's so great, man. It really, it is. I mean, a lot of people make friends there. I've seen couples that have been created at MikeyCon. Exactly. Babies. Babies. Yeah. Marriages. It's a cool thing, and it is just a nonstop campout. And what is also great, and M1 Veronica can tell you, every year it seems like there's just a surprise. Oh, definitely. It's just. Surprise for the show and surprise from the show. I mean, the M1s, we got a wonderful M1 site put up by M1 Danny. Yep. We get together and we start planning. And we plan our own party. And it's just a little, you put it on, it's like a Woodstock type thing. We're there and we're getting together. And it's just, I mean, you come from all over San Diego. Some people even come from Northern California. Oh, yeah. We've had people fly in for it. It's a giant party.

1:19:00So, yeah. So, I have goosebumps. So, thank you for having my Monday. You bet. Not much better today. You bet. Thanks a lot for the call. That's M1 Veronica. I cannot wait. Cannot wait for this thing. Mikey Thawne, 2010. M1 Murmur from San Diego. Are you there? Yeah. Hey, Mikey. I was wondering if the panda was going to show up. Shiny old boy. Oh, man. You know. I don't know if the panda will be able to show up and make an appearance for that. Uh, you know, the, yeah, the panda, the panda, uh, still, you know, is employed with the, uh, company that I used to work for. And so, yeah. And so what's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah. And you know, I don't want to get that dude in any trouble or anything like that, but, uh, love the panda. some kind of thing where I'll just come in as a panda. And that's the other great thing, man, is that people dress up for this.

1:20:03I mean, it's just, it's crazy. I can't wait to be a part. It's my first one. Before I was ever on the show, my brother went to the last two that Mike did. And since we started on the air nine months ago, my brother was like, are you going to do that? Are you guys going to do the whole 28 hours? Are you guys going to do it? Always get that question. And it's almost like a badge of honor for people to stay with the broadcast. for the entire time. I mean, it's a marathon. It's Mikey-thon 2010, and there's a reason it's called that. This thing goes on. And by the end of it, we're just absolutely emotionally, mentally, and physically spent. I mean, you're just done. Talking for 28 hours straight. Performing. It's going to be really good. This is a great question, too. M1 Nubian Prince from San Diego. What's your question? Yeah, I'm super, super excited about this, man. I cannot wait. Hey, bro, I know we did before t-shirts and stuff. It's going to be the same thing as well. Guess what? Jay, tell them about this. You're talking about the shirts. The t-shirts. We got the coolest shirts. Oh, yeah. Oh, right on, right on. Dude.

1:21:12The design is done, and it's going to blow your mind. It's pretty awesome. And, of course, it was done by Jared. Of course. At createyourdesignonline.com. He is the man. And these shirts are rad. And we will have them. As a matter of fact, we're going to put them up. When you make a donation, you will automatically get a T-shirt for making a donation to Rady Children's Hospital. Nice. Nice. And so, yeah, the T-shirts are amazing, man. Okay, with the donations. I remember, like, before, you know, you give a certain amount. Let's say I want to get two of them. You know what I mean? So I would donate such and such amount of money, like, let's say, $100 or something like that. Yeah. Do the same thing as before? Yep, it will. Okay. All right. Right on, man. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Can't wait. It is always, always incredible. And we just absolutely can't wait. One more call on it, and then we've got to move on. M1 Virgin Nikki from Escondido, what up? Hi, guys. Hi. So this would be my first time doing something like this. Can you bring your young kids? I have a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old. Do people bring their kids? Yeah, I mean, I definitely think you can. I mean, you've got to realize that, you know, the Mikey Show is, anybody can listen to the Mikey Show, but I always say we're not really a...

1:22:31kids show per se I mean we're our target audience is dudes between 18 and 34 years old and we have female listeners and we're very happy about that but you got to understand that you know our show is geared for men between 18 and 34 and you know with that being said we also don't do a lot of stuff that traditionally stations do when they're gearing towards that audience and we've still been very successful at it and so I would say yeah But understand, people are partying. Earmuffs at times. Yeah, earmuffs at times. I'm sure Jenna will be there. She's nine. She'll come for a little bit, you know. Yeah, I mean. And they listen. Nikki's kids listen, generally. And Nikki, all I'll tell you is that, you know, it's a party. And so you just have to consider that, you know, it's a bit where the people are hanging out, where the M1s are hanging out. It's a party. And I've been out there and, you know, it's... They're having fun. Yeah, it's Woodstock. Yeah, it's like tailgating. You know, people may get a little wild. There may be some swear words. Not on our part. Not on our part, but... Maybe mine, but not... Think of it like a very long, marathon-like tailgate party. That's a great way to put it, Sienna.

1:23:41Thank you, Virgin Nikki. All right, thanks, guys. You got it. Okay, so what do we have as a prize that we can do, Jay? We're going to waste sunglasses to everyone who plays. All right, so we're going to do something new, and it's called Car Ride Play by Play. And if you want to play us, or if you want to play Car Ride Play by Play, put it this way, it's the easiest way to win something. You have a 50-50 chance of winning a pair of sunglasses. I can't wait to hear this. 570-1949. If you're just tuning in, it was just announced, Mikey-thon 2010, December 16th and 17th. It's a Thursday and Friday. Yes. We will be on the radio for 28 straight. That's insane. It's nuts. All the money that we raise will be going to Rady Children's Hospital for their ADI, which is their Autism Discovery Institute.

1:25:13Love them. Love working with them. Very excited about the whole thing. We're going to be doing car ride play-by-play here in just a second. So if you're waiting for that and you're on hold, just keep holding. We're going to be doing that in just a second. I'm Mikey. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB, is our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. Jay is our producer. And today our phone screener is Will. That's Will. All right. Ready for a little car ride play-by-play? Yes. Let's do this. All right. First player up is M1 Lon from Vista. Are you there? Oh, wait. Sorry. Are you there? Okay. Now, Lon, let me explain. This is for sunglasses. Am I right, Jay? Yes, sir. All right. This is for sunglasses, Lon. And it's a very easy game because all you have to do is take a guess. You have a 50-50 chance of getting it right. The basic idea here. is that I have gotten in my car, driven around, and done play-by-play of what I am seeing. Does that make sense? Yeah, kind of, yeah. All right, and then I'm going to ask a question, and you've got to try to answer the question. And here we go. Hello again, everyone. It's your old friend, Mike Esparza, and this is Car Ride Play-by-Play, the game where you have a 50-50 chance of getting the question right.

1:26:45There is no rhyme or reason involved. Welcome to the game. It's a beautiful 71 degrees inside the car and outside, not a cloud in the sky. Around me, I will give you brief play-by-play, and you'll be asked to answer one way or the other. To my right, a Dodge 4x4. Looks like an older model, one of those diesel kind that makes a lot of noise. Not sure why people drive them. In front of me, a Kucinich for president bumper sticker on an Audi A4. Not really sure why anybody would vote for Kucinich for president. In fact, I didn't even know he was running. Welcome. Turning to the left now into a giant shopping center. In front of me, a Saturn Ion company that doesn't exist anymore. I wonder how that guy feels. In front of me, three car lengths, is a Jeep Wrangler. It is either red or black. Which is it? Which is it, Lon? Is it red or is it black? It's black. Turns out the Jeep Wrangler is black. Yay! Nice. Hello, dude. Hello, dude. Good job, Lon. Very easy win. 50-50 chance, and you made it. Hang in line, okay? Next is M1 Marcella from Santee. Marcella, are you there? Yeah. You understand how the game is played? Yeah. Here we go. Driving into a grocery store parking lot to my right.

1:28:05Older gentleman, baseball cap, smoking a cigarette. Looks like an old fisherman. Not really sure what he's looking at on an iPad. Not really sure why he has an iPad outside a vehicle. Guy's got to be 154 years old. In front of me, a woman trying to maneuver out of a parking space. Looks like it's going to take her about an hour and a half. Ooh, she changes her mind and is going to try for the repark. Weird. As I drive further down the aisle. I noticed a car coming towards me. It turns out it is a Honda. You have a 50-50 chance of getting this right. Is it a Honda Accord or a Honda Prelude? M1 Marcella, Honda Accord or Honda Prelude? Honda Accord. The answer is Honda Prelude. Oh, no! Sorry about that, Marcella. You had a 50-50 chance, and this time you got it wrong. That was a safe, safe game. I know it was. I think it was, too. It was. Sorry about that, Marcella. Up next, M1 George from Del Cerro. Are you there, George? I am, Mikey. How you doing? I'm doing good. Here we go.

1:29:16Making the decision to turn right down a corridor. To my right is a Starbucks coffee. Weird. Never seen one of those before. It says holidays are here. Treat yourself to a gingerbread latte. There's a guy that looks a lot like the old movie reviewer for the Today Show, Gene Shallot, enjoying himself a nice coffee drink. Wow. To my left. Real looker. A Toyota Corolla. Looks like Peyton Manning's driving it. Not sure why. He should be playing. To my right is a couple of girls walking into a Ross department store. Actually make that six girls. Weird. Now turning left down a corridor and see a out-of-place shopping cart. It is made of plastic. And when I say out-of-place, I mean that it is approximately 100 yards from the store it belongs at. It is a PetSmart cart. The question is, is it blue or is it red? M1, George, is it blue or is it red? The PetSmart plastic cart is, in fact, blue. Yeah! Just won yourself a pair of Anarchy sunglasses. Hang on the line. We got one left, and that's M1, Snug.

1:30:45Huggleton. Is that right, Snug Huggleton? Yes, yes it is. Calling from Santee. You get the idea of the game? Yes, I do. You get a 50-50 chance. Here we go. I am now leaving the shopping center where I'm looking at a guy holding a sign. He is, in fact, a sign spinner. And he looks to be about 45 years of age. And he's wearing a baseball cap with dark sunglasses as so not to be recognized by the police. I'm going to wave at him and say hello. Will he say anything or wave back? What do you think? No. You say he will not. He will not. Okay. Hi. Hi there. Ladies and gentlemen, he saw me and did not wait back. Oh, my God. Very well done. Well done. Good guess. Snug Huggleton. Weird. Thank you. Hang on the line. So there it is. That's how we play.

1:31:44Yeah, that's how we play car ride, play by play. You got a 50-50 chance of winning. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, sure. Who was your muse? Muse. You know, I actually used you as my muse. Me? Yeah, well, yeah, sure. I mean, I thought that it would be very like you to do a random observational play by play. That's me in my head everywhere I go. And yesterday in the airport, asked my wife, I was on my period. I was commenting on everything. She wanted a divorce by the time we got home. Did you listen to any of us online on Friday? Yeah, I listened. Well, I called. I called in and talked to you guys. I was on the golf course, big time, and with the groomsmen. Sounded like you were having fun. The British guy. Yeah, the British guy. British Dan. We had a blast. We had a blast. Jamie listened to the whole show. Did you hear? Sienna's husband Todd filling in for you doing sports? I heard that he did the sports, and Jamie said he did a really good job. He did, yeah. He was nervous. Was he nervous? Yeah. How could you not be? By the way, you, Woods, missed the craziest story that would have made you absolutely bonkers. What happened? I know what you're talking about. Yep. The coach, the high school coach that was whipping. He was whipping his students. Yeah.

1:33:06High school students. Whipping them with what? Like a weight training belt. Oh, my God. And he was whipping them hard. Was he saying? Bend over. Esparza, you get one. Bend over. Yeah, bend over. And they caught it on cell phone videotape. He'd been doing it for a while. They didn't fire him. They suspended him. That's ridiculous. Oh, dude. I mean, I'm telling you, from what I saw of the video, I was like. I was surprised that the guy was not arrested. Oh, yeah. He's hitting them hard. He's hitting them really hard. Man, we got it worse than that at school. Well, I did, too. I went to Baptist school, and we got paddled. Yeah, but that was a known thing. That was a known thing. You knew that that was one of the disciplinary deals that you could get paddled. That was a thing. But I think that what was weird about this one was that, A, it's not part of the school policy to whip. And it's not part of the school policy to do it to athletes because they're not, you know, I don't know. Running their routes right or something. Holy cow. It was insane. I'd lose my mind, man, if that was my kid in there. Can you imagine me? Yeah. Woods would flip out. Did you say, Jay, what your feelings were on that? You were outraged too, right? I'm outraged about that. I think corporal punishment should be back in the schools. Oh, boy. I wouldn't have a problem with the.

1:34:28The swats. They call them swats. I wouldn't have a problem with the paddle. I got the paddle. I mean, I turned out to be an idiot, but it doesn't always work. Yeah, but think how bad it would have been without the paddle. Oh my gosh, without the paddle. It's just, I think, you know, a swat from a teacher, from a principal is a different thing. Teachers have zero power in schools. They really do. Yeah. They really do. I can't believe that. M1, Tina from Temecula is on the line. What's going on, Tina? Hey, guys. I was just listening to the show, and I wanted to share an experience with you that happened to my family last month. Yeah. So my kid, who's eight, is on Little League. Sometimes he kind of gets distracted and he was sitting down kind of drawing in the sand. That happens. I don't know what he was doing. But, you know, he's a kid. He's a little kid. It's not a serious game. They're kids. Yeah. And the coach came running out and grabbed him like right under the arm, kind of where his armpit is, and like yanked him up.

1:35:27bringing his feet off the floor and like stood him up and kind of gave him like a little shake. Not a shake, like a shoulder shake, like a, hey, you know, get in the game kind of shake. And then, you know, casually went back to where he was. And I turned to my husband, outraged and really upset that somebody had touched my child like that. And what was even more upsetting was that my husband really didn't have a problem with it. I was losing my mind. Sounds like a coach's job. Oh, really? I don't have a problem with it. Get out of here. Yes, you do. I don't have a problem. Yes, you do. I don't. You should. Matter of fact, I do that. You do what? Oh, absolutely. When you coach, James? Smack kids around? No. Smack kids around. Smack them up off the ground. You yank kids around? For one thing, so if a kid's not paying attention on a baseball field, you can probably relate to this, and he gets hit in the head with a ball because he's not paying attention. Yeah. Why can't you use your words? I think there's other ways to handle that. There's a million other ways. You snap them to attention. Agreed. If that was two adults, there would have been a fist fight. 100%. Great point. The deal is that it isn't adults. But here's the deal. You're my boss. What if I'm spacing out and I'm not paying attention? If you walked around and grabbed me under the arm, I would have to sock you on. We're adults. I'm not a coach of a little league.

1:36:45team and you're not playing. I have a question, Tina. Yeah. Has this ever been an issue with your son before? That he's spacey? Yeah. What eight-year-old isn't spacey? Fair enough. I have an answer to that question, actually. The other eight players on the team. No, you know, look. Every child's different, and my kid is no different than any other child as far as, like, he's not ADD, he's not ADHD. He was spacing out because there's really nothing to do, because the ball doesn't really make it into the outfield, because they're kids. I get it. He could have been taking a nap, and if somebody touched me, if I was taking a nap, I would have kicked them in the groin. Well, hang on a minute. Now, Tina, everybody knows, you know, I've talked about how my son is autistic. Jake is autistic. First of all, he's very high-functioning, and so maybe there's a point where he could be playing. Still, I feel like kids, A, need instruction, B, they need discipline, and C, if it's a recurring deal, as long as that coach isn't doing anything abusive, which...

1:37:56I didn't hear anything there that was abusive. You think moms tend to get a little bit... I agree with everything that you said. Don't put your hands on my kid. Agreed. That's the bottom line. Take him out of the game and be like, hey, next time you dance. You can't yell to him. Maybe he said something to the little kid like 15 times. Then what are you supposed to do? You guys, this is a sign. Take him out of the game. Bench him. When I did it, we didn't have enough players. And I'm saying I think that this is a sign of our times. We live in a time right now that is so politically correct that just like my wife said the other day, she went with Jake, my son, trick-or-treating, and the guy said, what do you say? And are you going to say thank you? And it really upset my wife. I don't have a problem with that. I think that that's what adults do. If it were 1975, stuff like that happened all the time. As long as this guy's not abusing your kid. It's different. He touched the kid. It's not about abusing anybody. Don't touch somebody else's child. Exactly, dude.

1:39:00I also think it's different because it's a little boy. Like, if it was a little girl and the guy did that, it's different to me. Me too. I don't know why. But the fact that it's a little boy and it's baseball, like, come on. You don't yank a kid up by his arm. Absolutely. You don't. He didn't get hurt. Okay, now. Could have. Question Tina. Oh, wow. Question Tina and question Woods. Because Woods says, you don't yank a kid up. Or what? They'll die? No, they're not going to die. You could dislocate his shoulder. Oh, my gosh. You could. Really? Holy cow, you guys. Let's get CPS on the line. How hard are we yanking? How hard are we yanking, really? I don't know. He's a grown man. He's a grown man. Hey. It doesn't matter. You can't touch somebody else's kid. Yeah, you don't touch somebody's kid. Tina, what was your husband's take? Tell us what your husband said. He started to say that he didn't get hurt, and it's a game, and he has to pay more attention, and those are the rules of how you play. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm with your husband. I like your husband a lot. I guarantee her husband was sitting there like, why is he sitting on the ground? Do something. Somebody snap him up off the ground. Oh, my God. He's just sitting there. You know what gives him the right?

1:40:07You've charged him with the task of being the coach. He's been put in a position of power, and the position of power means he gets to discipline your kid. He didn't smack him. He yanked him. That's where it starts, by the way. What L.O.B. just said, I believe that's where that political correctness starts because you take something that is, in my opinion, fairly mundane and innocuous, and you take it from that to... He's slapping him out there. So Mike, I'm going to start writing down. How can you touch the kids and how can you not? Hang on, Tina. So yanking is okay. Yanking is fine. What about punching? I'm getting a dose of my own medicine right now because I often do this, but let's go through the exercise. Lauren says, okay, so let's get the rules down straight here. The rules are you cannot... Don't abuse physically or verbally a child if you're a coach. Okay, okay. That's the rules. Writing it down. And as long as you've got that, the rules are all there. Right. We got it. That's it. That's end of rules. As long as you're not abusing. I consider you yanking my kid up.

1:41:14and hurting him and making him cry abuse and it's embarrassing to that kid too it's super embarrassing whatever happened to like letting boys be boys like why can't boys let the eight-year-old be an eight-year-old two seconds ago would you were okay with paddling again in school you said hey bring paddling back into school but wait That hurts them. By a principal for a consequence of something bad. I'm a coach. I'm a coach who's gone through training. You're not a principal. No, I'm a coach. Bro, I coached. What training did I have? You know how I did it? Hey, can I coach Little League? They said, absolutely. Not anymore, buddy. You have to go through eight. I went through eight hours of certification to be able to coach. You know what, though, Jay? Even if you didn't, even if it was what Wood said and he just said, I want to coach, he's still in a position of authority. You are the authority figure. And I'll tell you what I never did. And I coached 11 and 12-year-olds. Who were? Terrible. These kids were awful. I never would put my hands on somebody else's kid. You never stood a kid up? Never. Never. But you're making standing a kid up like you're punching him in the face. Yes, you are. It's so different. You don't walk out in the middle of a game, first of all. The coach shouldn't walk out in the middle of a game. You wait until that inning is over and you say, hey, Billy. Not eight-year-olds, you don't. Hey, Billy.

1:42:19Was it really during the middle of the game? Yeah, she said that. Eight-year-olds have coaches out on the field with him. Okay, fine. So take him out of the game. Take him out of the game. Maybe they didn't have enough players. So what? You go without a right fielder. Hey, Tina. That's absurd. Tina, I appreciate the phone call. We're getting a lot of calls from M1s that have real strong opinions about it. Thank you for the call. Thanks, guys. Thank you. M1, Jessica from San Diego. Hi. Hi. I'm a mom, and I would... I wish more coaches would have been like that with my son. Oh, wow. My son's been on the field drawing in the sand. I was furious. I would have jumped in the field and yanked him up myself. Which would have been acceptable because it's your kid. Yeah, but it's not my place because the coach needs to be in control. That's right. You can be in control of the team. I was in control of my team, and I didn't yank anybody around. How would you have kids like that? How about Bobby Knight? Do you guys know who Bobby Knight is? No. You guys ever seen Bobby Knight? Yeah. Bobby Knight's these kids coached. Okay, let's break it down. Free ride to school. Okay, free ride. All bills paid. Kid comes off the field. Bobby Knight grabs him around the throat. Is that okay? No. Why? Because of the rule. Is he going to die? I'll tell you why. Is he going to die? I'll tell you. Because of what LOB asked. LOB said, what's the rules? I said, as long as you are not physically or verbally abusing. Bobby Knight grabbing a guy by the throat.

1:43:43in my estimation, is abuse. That's like choking. Choking. What if Bobby Knight ran onto the court, grabbed the guy around his arm, and yanked him off the court? That's not abuse? It would look dorky. I mean, because he's doing it to a full-grown adult. That looked dorky, too. In my opinion, the coach doing that... I don't really, even if it was my kids. Now, my wife right now would be like, are you kidding me? My wife would be flipping out and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you know, guys, it's just not that big a deal unless it's a big deal. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. If it's not a big deal, it's not a big deal. It's a big deal to this mother, though. Yeah, I guess. I mean, that's how she feels. Well, then your kid's not ready to play any sports because that's ridiculous. Maybe let the apron spring. If my kid did that and the coach was giving it to him and yelling at him. And my kid cried, I'd be like, hey, don't lay down on the field. You can't do that. You're doing something wrong. If your kid cried, though, no. You're comparing choking to an Indian burn and stuff like that. No, I'm not. Or standing a kid up. Standing a kid up. The coach can yell at a kid. I mean, you can yell at a kid. Run laps. Yeah, make them run laps. Do anything. I got in these kids' faces. And the parents told me to get in their faces. Hey, dude, I will submit to you that I think that verbal abuse may be just as damaging as...

1:44:59Absolutely. I think so, too. And I know what you're saying, but don't put your hand on my kid. Don't touch my kid. Yell at my kid. Just don't. Is that your deal? Yell to them, not at them. You can say, get your head in the game. And that's not abusive. Yeah, within the confines of what a coach needs to say. You don't need to say, you lazy little. Yeah, yeah. I agree with that. M1 Dooley from Rancho Bernardo. You know, Woodsy's so right on so many points, and so are you, Mike. You know, the verbal abuse and the physical abuse can be just as damaging to a kid. The thing is that I've been coaching for 10 years, and from all ages, and what I see the most is that my goal is that at the end of the season, this little kid needs to want to come back. And more importantly, I treat players the same way I would want a teacher to treat a student. If the kid doesn't do good on a test, you don't berate the kid and make him run laps. Just show the kid what he did wrong on the test so that he can improve and get better. You don't waste time with punishment. You substitute that punishing time with instruction and structure, and the kids, every kid benefits. But are you telling me, M1 Dooley, that you...

1:46:14Are you suggesting that if you just teach a kid, he won't do it anymore? Absolutely. You have to maintain a standard. No, every child is different. Have you ever grabbed a kid and yanked him off his feet? Never. Never. Why would you? It's not your kid. It's not my kid, absolutely. And more importantly, if the kid is on the ground hurt. That's what irritates me the most. He's playing in the dirt. And he's done it before. I mean, it's like kind of this kid's bed. He had a broken leg, and the coach had to get him up. Well, then you lift him up, Jay, or you call the paramedics. You don't yank him by his arm. Well, if a kid is playing in the dirt, you have to be patient enough, like a kindergarten teacher. Yeah, what, in the World Series? Good God. It's in freaking eighth grade Little League. No, Woods, you're right. You know what we should do? We should walk out to the kid, and we should say to him, Hi, Johnny. No. I know that you're playing in the dirt right now, and because I don't want to injure your delicate feelings or...

1:47:13Pull you up. Pull you up. I don't want this with your inner child or your arm. I think that I'd like to explain to you that what you're doing right now is just distracting to the other players. It's distracting to you. And you know, Johnny, we've talked about this before. How hard is that? Hey, Jakey, Jakey, I need you on your feet, buddy. Buddy, get up. I know you're eight. Hey, the Yankees, the scout's in the stands. He's got his checkbook. Woods, you're the coach. Why don't you just yank my kid up for crying out loud? I'm not going to touch your kid. How long are you going to let him sit out there and do that? You go ahead out there, Mike. Yeah, you want to grab him, you grab him. You can grab him and pull him up. I've had coaches move me into position a hundred times. Come on. Moving into position is different than yanking a kid up. It's way different. Think America's mamsy-pamsy. Oh, you see me, coach? I'm not a mamsy-pamsy coach. Trust me. I'm almost 30, and when I was playing sports. That never happened. L.O.B., how long have you played sports? Played organized sports for over 15 years. It's different with boys. I have, too. I've never had a coach put his hands on me. Never. I've been coaching for about 20 years. And you beat kids. I've never beat a kid. And I've never had anybody complain. And L.O.B., can you explain this to me? How come every time Woodsy messes something up, you put your hand around his throat and squeeze as hard as you can and you put him up against the wall? I do that. I know. He's a grown man, though. Yes. Is he? Oh, no.

1:48:38Wow, you know what? This next thing that we're going to do, it's almost like kind of in the same vein. Some of you are going to hate Lou Holtz for this. Some of you are going to think that this female intern needs to toughen up a little bit. Uh-oh. It's kind of, you know, similar. Maybe we'll all be on the same page with that. Yeah. Either way, and we have the audio. Next. If you're older than 30, you love this. Oh, yeah. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, I hate the sad stuff, but there's unfortunately some sad stuff today. The death toll from Haiti's month-old cholera outbreak.

1:49:44is continuing to grow. The death toll has now passed 900. Really serious. And Latino kids are now majority in California State's public schools. Over 50% of the state's students over the last year have been identified as Hispanic or Latino. And there's 27% white, 9% Asian, 7% black, and Filipino Pacific Islander, 7%. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Crazy story out of San Francisco. Jose Guillen was left off the San Francisco Giants playoff roster. And Bruce Bochy said, well, he's got a hurt neck. Well, there were some rumors around that he was being investigated for performance-enhancing drugs. Well, yeah. He had allegedly made plans to acquire close to... 50 preloaded syringes of HGH that were going to be sent to his San Francisco address in September. Oh. Oh, wow. Nuts. Oh, wow. And then, man, this was, we talked a little bit earlier about Steve Nash and his whole thing with the divorce and just having a baby. They got divorced. They're getting divorced. He filed for divorce the day after his baby was born. Which is insane.

1:50:59In that night, he went out and played basketball, and the Suns beat the Lakers 121-116, but the Suns hit 22 three-pointers, man, in one game. They just missed the league record of 23 set by Orlando. Oh, my. Insane. I love it. That makes my mouth water. Yes. Had the biggest crush on Olivia Newton. Oh, mama. Everyone did. Even girls. Yeah. She was fantastic. I wanted a girl to sing this song to me so badly. A little blonde with a ribbon in her hair? On my iTunes. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Not embarrassed anymore, pal. Listen, guy or girl, as you're listening to that song, that has to bring back so many memories of being a kid. Yeah, just rocking and rolling and whatnot. Hickey from Knickies like Hallmark. That's right. That's right. Great movie. If you weren't listening earlier, we announced Mikey-thon. Go out and get Dirty Dancing and Waterworld. I'm sure they're available. Get them as quickly as you can because we will be making fun of them that night. I've never, I think for a reason, purposely never seen Dirty Dancing. It was like...

1:52:31It was like fate that we watch it on the Mikey-thon. I never watched it. Never would. It's going to be great. Now I have to. Okay, so take a listen to this. So this is Lou Holtz, and he's the former head coach of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and he's also the former head coach of South Carolina. Yep. And this is Lou preparing for a remote TV interview, and he starts ranting to the station. And who he's actually talking to as an intern. Yeah. Who is assisting him. And just take a listen. They aren't even in sports. They are not into sports. What are you doing? You jerking me around. I told you, this was not cleared with me. Yeah, you apologize. What channel is this? Four? You won't ever have to worry about don't interview with me ever again. I just asked you to be honest and not lie. I wouldn't trust you no matter what you said. I don't know how you could do this. I asked you one minute, I would come over, I'd put it on, I'd do it. I asked for one minute, that's all I needed. I've been standing here for five. And I asked you. Thank you.

1:54:23All right, so you can hear her crying there at the end. Now, a couple things right off the bat. Is Lou being a jerk? Yes. Yes. Yeah, he is. He's obviously taken it a little hard that he was told that it was going to be one minute and it turned out to be five. Five. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe that. Four minutes of just standing there. It's rough. Hey, listen. I get it. I understand. I don't. You don't understand that he's. Why are you upset? What's the difference of four minutes? I think that there's a difference in four minutes. But I'm one of these guys that words mean a lot. Some people aren't like that. Some people, you can say, hey, I'll be there at 7. That means 7.45. It doesn't matter. It's like, what's the difference? 7.10. What's the difference? It's a huge difference. Some people say it's going to be Wednesday. They meant Thursday. Big whoop. Some people say it's going to be vanilla cake.

1:55:25I'd like a vanilla cake. I brought you a chocolate cake. Whatever. It's not that big a whoop. That's different, though. Vanilla cake. Vanilla and chocolate. They are different. So it's a minute and five minutes if you have to be somewhere. It's a busy man. Lou Holtz. He probably is. College game day, baby. He's on college game day. Yeah, he is. Every week. Now, here's my thing with it. It's not that I'm saying I think that Lou Holtz is right. in such a freak out. Because he did have kind of a meltdown there. What was it? Was it a meltdown? Did he raise his voice? No. But you don't have to raise your voice to be mean. Did he curse? That doesn't matter. He was still rude. Did he get personal? Kind of. He did? I can't even believe. I don't know how you do this. He said, I wouldn't trust you because you lied to me. Lie. That's a lie? Wow. She underestimated how long it would take. She's an intern. Maybe that's what she was told. Hey, it's going to be a minute. Don't shoot the messenger. Let me toughen up.

1:56:24Yeah, maybe be more of a human. Don't be such a D-bag. Here's the thing. I get that maybe he was a little, you know, much, but really? Tears. I'd cry. Tears. Lou Holtz yelled at me and said he was never going to come on the station again that I was interning for. I'm like, great, I just ruined everything. I just ruined the whole Lou Holtz thing. Yeah, now, you've got to take into consideration, too, that... If you're the one that's talking to him, he probably thought you were a producer. Yeah. He didn't know you're an intern. She said, I'm just an intern. She did after he was already going off for a while. And he kept going. I thought he slowed down then. My wife has something that she says. It's brilliant. DBB. You know what that stands for? What? Don't be a baby. DBB. DBB. She'll go, DBB, dear. Like that. That chick. needs to DVB. She absolutely should not have cried. It was a little dramatic. But he was over the top. No, he wasn't over the top. He can say one time, like, really? Hey, how about you not say it's going to be one minute when it's five. You're way off, you know? You can say that, but for him to continue on with the same baby comment... Sienna, I guarantee even if he had said just what you said, there'd still be people like, oh, look at the DVB. Well then, I mean, whatever. Here's the deal.

1:57:47I'm not allowed to say anything bad about Lou Holtz, and I never will, because I love that man to death. So you're not going to sway me one bit or the other. I don't think it was right. I just think she... DBB. DBB. She's not suing him. I know. I mean, she just cried, and it was caught on tape, so what's the big deal? I would have yanked her up by the arm. Yeah, you would have. I know. That's right. I would have cried. Maybe DBB. I'm sorry. You would have cried? If Lou Holtz yelled at me and basically just told me that I ruined... I would have instantaneously, if I was an intern, I'm assuming she's a little younger, I would have been like... That's it. My career's over. Lou Holtz just yelled at me, and he said he's never coming on this station again. I'm going to get fired from this job, and then no one in TV is going to hire me. Yeah, but you would go and cry on your own. It sounds like a friend came up to her, and she was like, I just got reamed. You guys have been reamed real good? Can I ask you? Yeah, I'm glad. Now, is it? It's just as acceptable socially if it happened to a guy, right? Like, in other words, if Lou had said that to a guy, it's just as acceptable socially if he's like, I just got yelled at by Lou. Well, it's not like she went on TV. No, I know. But if it had been a guy, would you have thought that that was kind of humorous? If a guy was like, you would. That's kind of the thing, too. It's like, you know, you can't just cry.

1:59:04in the business world. There's no crying in business. This is real world. This is the real world. You didn't cry in front of him. I have mad cried in my car before. But that's on your own. I've never cried. I've had girls try to use it as a tool, too. Oh, big time. Oh, God, I have. Absolutely. This is the real world. It's grown-up land. Yeah, but she didn't use it to him. No, I'm not saying that she had to. I'm just saying that... You know, in general, it's grown up time. And when you're grown up, you know, you kind of you DBB. I would have waited until he walked away, gone to the bathroom and cried. And no one would have known that I would cry, but I still would have done it. See, but that's fine because you're not like someone else. It's like you're supposed to be a professional, you know, imagine if that had been a dude. And he said to somebody, I just got reamed by Lou Holtz. Every new station will be playing it and laughing. Oh, yeah. For sure. It's a demo standard. It is. Oh, yeah. It is. All right. If you have a question for Woods, call us now. Well, I know you need your Woods' wisdom. Relationships. Yeah, he can fix them.

2:00:20When it comes to guys fashion, guys with sports, anything guy, Woodsies are guys guy. Yorkies. That's right. He has four of them. Yeah, that's right. So call and ask Woods a question. You can go to the website. We have a Woods of Wisdom link there where you can write in like a lot of people have and told us, gave us their questions for Woods. Our first one. Our first question is, Woods, how do you feel about girls who have that haircut where it's short and almost fanned in the back? What is that called? I know what he's talking about. It's that deal where it's short in the back and it has like, it goes up and then it's like longer in the front. Yeah. Okay. So the front is chin length. Yeah. And the back is shorter. It's short. Yeah. Woods, do you know what that is? Do you know what we're talking about?

2:01:19I wish I could think of an actress that had that. Yeah, it's real short in the back. Is it like a buzz in the back? Yeah, kind of. Is it a bowl? No. Is it a bowl? No, it doesn't bowl. It does like an arch. Yeah. It does like an arch. An arch in the back. The front is longer than the back. Not like Kate Gosselin. And it's really short. It is. I think she used to have that, right? Kate Gosselin. Didn't Kate, John and Kate. She used to like fan the back of her hair. Yeah, hers was spiked. I think this person's talking about it's kind of like leveled almost. Yeah, and it has an arch in the back where it's been like. roughly cut. What do I think about it? He says, do you know what I'm talking about? It's real short and I see it mostly on blondes. I do too. I see it on darker haired girls. It's become pretty popular this last year. Dude, I so want you to see it because in my head I'm like, I know exactly what that dude's talking about. I don't know. I don't know what he's talking about. If you could find me a picture. I'm looking right now. I don't know what it's called. You know, traditionally, most of the girls I've dated have had long hair. Yeah. Longer hair. Yeah. But there are some really, really cute short-haired girls out there. Like, really cute. Oh, I agree. It just depends on the style, you know? It depends on the style. And the boobs. Okay. Well, you know, to each their own. There's a bunch of people calling. So I bet people know what this is called.

2:02:43Give me an actress if you know one. I can't think of one. I can't think of one. Dude, and you know what? Next time we go somewhere, you'll see it everywhere now. Girls are doing this like crazy. I kind of want to go to the next one, but every phone line is blowing up right now. So I kind of want to talk to somebody. Mikey Show, who's this? Harold, do you know what that is? A-Line. It's called an A-Line? Why I know that, I don't know. It's called an A-Line. An A-Line. Yeah, Google it. All right. We'll Google it. We'll Google it. I found one picture because a friend of mine had it at our wedding. Let me see. It's not a good picture. She's too far away. You guys are all running over and it's really not that good of a picture. It's down there. No, you can't see it. Google image. I've got a thousand of them out here now. A-line hairstyle. What was the...

2:03:35Spice girl, posh. Posh has her haircut like posh. That's it. That's it right there. Okay, but Woods, you got to see the back. It's like posh Beckham. You got to see the back. I'd like to bend her like Beckham. Oh, well. I'm just saying in the game. Mike and Woods are huddled over my computer right there. You see that one? Look at the back. Yes, dude. That's what it looks like in the back. You know what? On the right girl, absolutely. Who's the right girl? Rihanna has it. Very foxy. A-line bob haircut. Very foxy, I think. It's rough. Nicole Richie, kind of. I like it. I like it. You should do it like that. You should do your hair like that. On the wrong girl, it looks really bad, though. Yeah, I can do it. I'm in. I'm sold. Don't you have to be Posh Spice? No. Rihanna. All right. Rihanna's good looking. Yeah, she is. Fine. If you're good looking, it's okay. Lauren, that needs to be one of the things we vote on at some point. What's that? The A-line haircut. Oh, whether it should be gone or not. Gone or not. Okay. All right. The next one. And you can call us if you have a question for Woods. The next question. Woods, just curious.

2:04:41what your starbuck name is mine is henry hill and sometimes sam rothstein someone trailblazer that's easy do you do that all the time you'd give different names paul stanley yep so they go uh and your name please uh paul stanley do you ever have somebody go really with a paul stanley no they always just write it down i think you know they've never i've never even gotten like the Sienna, do you have a name? Oh, I just say Sarah because they always are like, how do you spell Sienna? Sarah. My friend would always say Buffy. Buffy. Really? My name's Buffy. You know, my friend Bark Maman and I used to go to lunch a lot and we would give our, you know, either Gene Simmons or Paul Stanley. It was standard bit. Yeah. Years. Years. Ten years. LLB, when you go to Starbucks, do you say Lauren? I say Lauren, but I used to sometimes tell guys fake names. Like what? Like Penelope was one of them. Oh, wow. Penelope. Or, for some reason, if I was there with one friend, someone would take the lead and say that, like, say I was there with a girl named Megan. Yeah. She would say her name was Lauren, and I would say my name was Megan. Like, ooh, we really pulled one off on you. We tricked you. Yeah. Have you ever done that? And then you get talking in your conversation, and you hear them going, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. You never respond. Oh, I'm Chris. Oh, I forgot. I'm Chris.

2:05:58Yeah, it's standard Paul Stanley for me. Paul Stanley, your mocha crap is ready. Your caramel macchiato is ready. That happened to me when I had my fake ID. They called me by my fake ID's name. What was your fake ID name? It was my sister, Carly. I had a really good fake ID name. What was yours? It was someone's real ID, though. Cassiopeia Roel. You do not look. Like a Cassiopeia. You know what someone told me? Thank goodness. Cassiopeia is a star constellation. And I didn't know that. And so here I am like, someone could have known that checking my ID. And I'm like, oh yeah, star constellation. Got it. Wow. Do you know the word inconspicuous? That's about as conspicuous. Mine was Kevin Knight. I just told people to call me Cassie. How about Rhonda? You know, I mean, that would probably work better than Cassiopara or whatever. Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia. M1 Crusader from San Diego. You got a question for Woods. Hey, Woods. Hey, man. So my girlfriend just broke up with me this weekend. Sorry. And I know it sucks. But the way that happened, it was a pretty awkward conversation.

2:07:05But we still hung out that night, and we ended up watching Steel Magnolias, which you don't really want to do when your girlfriend just breaks up with you. But the reason why was because she said it wasn't going anywhere, but we didn't really do much when we were dating. So I'm thinking if we do more outgoing fun stuff, it might change. But I'm wondering what you think. How long were you guys together? About two, two and a half months. Okay, so pretty short. Yeah, man, I don't know. I mean, she's... Two, two and a half months, she kind of gave you the trial run and doesn't sound like it's really matching up with what she wants. Now, we talk about all the time, people can change. I mean, you're not going to change who you innately are, but you can change your actions and things that you do. I know my wife wants me to get out of the house more because, dude, I get home and I want to lay on the couch. That's what she wants to do. Oh, that's what she wants to do. Yeah. She wants to go out more or she wants to lay on the couch? Oh, you're lucky, pal. I thought you said she... She said she doesn't see it going anywhere. Well, yeah, she said that, but, like, I'm thinking, like, if we maybe do more outgoing fun stuff, like... It'll change. It'll change. But it sounds like you can't really... No, she doesn't see the relationship going anywhere. You don't need to go anywhere to make it go anywhere. No, no, no. You don't have to plan a trip to Salt Lake City. No, man, it just sounds like...

2:08:30You know, it's a little fishy. It's kind of a fishy bit. How old is she? 20. How old are you? 25. She's young, pal. She's young. But she sounds like she's laying on the couch all the time. She wants to bum out. Hey, I have to say something with you not on the line, so I'm going to hang up now and you can listen to it on the radio, Crusader. I'm just too, I can't say it with you on the line. I love you. I love you, buddy. How come every time I hear this, I think, they found somebody else? I know. How come every time? I did, too. Every time I hear a breakup, every time I've ever broken up with a girl or they've broken up with me, it's because I found somebody else or they found somebody else. There was something else in the pipeline. You don't usually just break up out of the blue. Well, they were not together for long. She did a trial run and was like, eh, this isn't going to work. So I think she just was like, this isn't going to work. Yeah. Again.

2:09:23There's something else. No. There's something in the pipeline. There's some guy that she met, I think. No, you guys. You can't think like that. Every time you've broken up with a girl, Woods. Yeah, there was something better. Not me. I've done the fade away because I've simply lost interest. Yeah, me too. Really? Yes. You're like, okay, this is not going to work. Fade away. Okay. Fade away. I can give you the fadeaway. Even for guys. Even for guys. Not after two and a half months. Yeah, but this girl took the mature route. Instead of fading away, she was a friend with him. That's the deal. You know why I think? It's because there's urgency to it. It's like, I got to get rid of you today. I got to get out of this now. If I could put plastic on the floor and have you walk into the room like Tommy and have you whack, I'd do it. She wouldn't watch a movie with him if she wanted him out so quickly. She likes him as a friend. Emotional terrorism, I love you. No. She likes him as a friend. It's just, it's a friend. He's in the friend bit, you know? The friend zone. Because you say you're just the friend. Well, he is. And you say you're just a friend. Oh, baby, you. Biz Mikey. We got a new one. We have another one that I got to read to you, Woods. We do have one more. We're Woods of Wisdom, so we'll do that when we come back. It has to do with going poop in front of a girl. Well, not in front of her, but while you're in her presence.

2:11:20I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy over there. He's 35. I know. I had to put my jacket on. It's cold. It's cold in here. You look like you're climbing Everest. I know it. You have a sweatshirt and a jacket on? It's cold, Sienna. It's not that cold. It's cold. Where's your Sherpa? Where's your burro? Just go grab your poncho. I'm telling you. Are those mittens? Go grab your fedora. I'm telling you, I want to stick my hands in a tauntaun right now. I'm freezing. I know. Okay. Hey, if you're just tuning in, we mentioned Mikey-thon 2010. It is on, and it's happening on Thursday and Friday, the 16th and 17th of December. Yes, sir. And it's going to be phenomenal. We cannot wait for this, and it's really going to be good. And so we want you to spread the word and let people know. It's for Rady Children's Hospital and their ADI, their Autism Discovery Institute. And we're really, really happy to be partnering with them. Okay, so I wanted to read this last Woods of Wisdom for you, and I also want to get M1 Dane from Oceanside on the line. Are you there, Dane? Good morning, Mike. How you doing? Good. You wanted to thank Woods, right?

2:12:35this morning i actually want to say thank you because if um you guys get a lot of phone calls i don't expect you to remember me but um you do remember me a little bit i called woods over the summer during a woods of wisdom segment and i was only working at the time i wasn't going to school or doing anything like that and uh confused uh conscious and stressed out i wanted some direction and i called in i was like hey man what happened i'm the guy who cleans i remember i was like hey how can i make school happen you know well i want to check back in with you and let you know some stuff that's been going on with me. First of all, I wanted to let you, I am back in school now. Nice. Good. The community college. Great. There you go. On top of my full-time job and to be quite surprising compared to high school, I have straight A's. You got a kid. There you go, man. Good job. I don't even know how the heck I did that, but that's awesome. And I'll also have you know, it's stories and inspiration like it's either the Woods of Wisdom segment or Mikey's testimonials on a Friday or any other.

2:13:37or book I've been getting into, but I've also gotten off cigarettes. I haven't smoked cigarettes for two months. Good for you. Not a kid, man. Making some good life changes. Absolutely, dude. I'm in a much better place than where I was over the summer, so I just want to let you know, still a fan, been listening to you since 105.3, and just wanted to share my story with you guys, and hey, just everything you guys are doing, man, I love it. Thank you, Dan. Thank you. Thank you, bro. We appreciate you. Congratulations. Yeah, congrats. Okay, so here was the last Woods of Wisdom. It says, Woods, I'm going to Puerto Vallarta with my girl. I don't live with her and I've never stayed with her for days like this before. I'm concerned about going poop. Just come right out and say it, buddy. I like to read and I am completely embarrassed about taking a magazine in the bathroom. I'm kind of getting anxiety about it. M1 Crane. Now, I just want to put out there before anything, everybody knows my bit. You know who doesn't have to worry about pooping? Oh, what? How long have you been married, Meg? I've been married for five years. Do you tell your wife when you need to poo? No. You don't? No. No. I don't need to. So, it wouldn't make a difference. What do you mean? If he was married or not.

2:14:52Right? No, but what I'm saying... No, no, no. You're missing my point. My point is, is that... Okay, I see what you're saying. She got you. She didn't kind of get you. I'm just roasting kids. For a second, I didn't get it. But you know my deal. Right. You know, I say before you're taking the Puerto Vallarta trips. Maybe they're not slaying. Yeah. They could be not slaying over there. There's twin beds. Maybe pigs are flying out of my butt. Maybe. But they're probably not. Sounds like he's worried about what's going to be flying out of his butt in Puerto Vallarta. Oh, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I believe you go to the Puerto Vallarta trips, stay overs, and pretend that you're married stuff when you're married. Okay. That's just my own personal thing. And by the way, I didn't do that. I didn't do that. So I'm telling you to do something I didn't do. Now, I didn't know what I know now. I knew then. I didn't know that. So now I feel differently about it. And it's a very strong conviction of mine to share that with you. I'll tell you that. I think it's a good idea that you wait until you're married before you're doing sleepovers. Fair enough. Okay, so that being said. That being said.

2:15:59You are in a world of trouble, my friend. I'm telling you, what is his M1 name? Crane. M1 Crane. Yeah. You're a dead man. No, he's not. He's a dead man. No. He's a dead man, and I'll tell you why. Why? First of all, he's going to Mexico. Yeah. Okay? That's problem number one. Yes. Problem number two. Hotel rooms are very confined spaces. Very confined. Here is my, I have a solution for you. Oh. When you, when it's, you hold what you need to do until shower time. When shower time comes, you be equipped with some sprays, some oils, possibly even a book of matches. Maybe even smoke a cigarette in there. Anything to mask what's going on. Now, you go in. You turn the shower on. You do your business. You do it quickly. Courtesy flush. Courtesy flush immediately. Cologne, the whole bit. And you cross your fingers. And you hope that there are no remnants. I've got one better for you. Or go to the lobby. Go to the lobby. That's a trick. Or just grow up. She's going to still know. No. Why don't you just, like, it's going to, that conversation is going to happen eventually. It's going to have to. Maybe just have this be the time. Maybe don't gross her out on a romantic weekend in Puerto Vallarta. Their first weekend away. Maybe don't have the room smell like poop. She's going to know. She's going to know. And I don't want her. I don't want her pooping in. Guys take like a half an hour in there. No, you don't have to. No, you don't have to. We do it because we like to. Oh. I thought you had to. Oh, no, we don't have to.

2:17:21It doesn't take us that long. My husband camps out with magazines. So do I. I'll take a sandwich in there. You know that. Dip a snuff. He does. I do. I know. You thought we had to. Yeah, we don't have to. Why does every guy take so long? Because we want to be away from you. Because we want to get away from the barrage of questions that happen when we go outside of that door. Where have you been? What are you doing? Why are you taking so long? You love those questions. It is our fortress of solitude. Sanctuary. That toilet. It's our sanctuary. I agree. You guys. And I believe in the lobby. The lobby is a strong one. What is she going to be waiting outside? No, no, no, no. Here's the other thing, too. I'm going to go get ice. I went through this with Rebecca, okay? And so here's the greatest move you do. It might be a little weird to just leave and go to the lobby. So you wait until you guys are leaving for the day to go on your daily excursion. For instance, maybe you go to breakfast. You're leaving to go to breakfast. And you excuse yourself and you... Take care of matters as quickly as possible. You come back, nobody knows the difference. Got a better one for you. That's a good idea. Okay, babe, we're going to go to lunch. I need you to get ready. We're going to leave at noon. Be ready to go. I just got my shower. I'm ready to go. She gets in the shower. You haul ass to the lobby immediately. Well, sometimes in Puerto Vallarta, you can't hold it. That's true. Take Imodium with you. Take Imodium.

2:18:45Be prepared. Always be prepared. Ladies, if you're going on a seven-day trip, don't poop for eight days. When you get back to the United States of America, poop away. I think girls, guys have to go no matter what. I think girls kind of clam up anyway when you go on vacation. It becomes irregular. I don't know if that's a girl or... boy thing, but that definitely happened. Yeah. It's not a me thing, that's for sure. It's a girl thing. You don't want to have that combo. You don't want your room. You're about to make love sweetly and it smells like poop. You just don't want that. Or maybe just make out and French kiss. Yeah. French. Maybe that. Yeah, because you said that they weren't. Maybe they're not lovemaking. You can't judge them. If we don't know all the fuck. Really? You think that they're going and staying in separate rooms? No, separate beds, though. Maybe separate beds. Really? Like Lucy and Desi? Is that what they're doing? Possibly. Every time you call to make a reservation, would you like a king-size bed or would you like two doubles? Two doubles. Two doubles, please. Yeah, definitely. And maybe they've just started dating. Maybe they're Amish.

2:19:50They could be Amish. I doubt it. The Amish go to Puerto Vallarta? Yes. Sleep in separate beds. It takes forever to get there by pony. It does. Horse and buggy. Jay would know. That's all we had, dude. I had no choice. I want to go on a horse and buggy ride. I want to go on a horse and buggy ride. He's nervous. He's nervous. He's nervous. He's just nervous. He's just nervous. He's just really nervous. This was probably the first take. I've been holding it for a couple days. For sure. He's nervous. Oh my God. He's nervous. Gorgeous. Sounds like James Gunn. 5701949 is our number if you are interested in weighing in on this topic. We're going to be talking to Uncle John's. Speaking of, we're going to be talking to Uncle John's. If you do not have Uncle John's bathroom reader, you should get it. I have...

2:21:27three different versions. Really? You have the Latin translation? Do we have him? He's on the horn. I have three different translations. My wife introduced me to Uncle John's. I'm about to introduce you to Uncle John's. Now, are you actually Uncle John? Yeah, me. He's actually Uncle John. He's 87. Dude found himself stranded on the John. Nothing to read. Okay? This is every guy's awesome thing to be on the john with it's called uncle john's heavy duty bathroom reader and i like i said i've got a few copies of it it is the greatest stuff to read while you're pooping heavy duty i need to know what like what is it give me an example of what's in there all right i'll just open it up and i'll just read you it's always just interesting facts to read while you're doing your business a history of the shopping mall in

2:22:26And it starts to tell you about, and it's always presented in a guyish kind of cool way. This one's called Don't Call Me Liz. In 2009, a lobbyist from JPMorgan Chase emailed the office of Representative Jim McDermott requesting a meeting. The recipient was Elizabeth Beckton, a congresswoman's scheduler. After a week, she still hadn't responded. So the lobbyist wrote her again and made one crucial mistake. Here's the exchange. Hey, Liz, just checking in on whether the congressman is available next week. Thank you. Best, Chase. They wrote back and said, Who is Liz? They responded, Hi, Elizabeth. I thought you went by Liz. Apologies if that's incorrect. She wrote back and said, I do not go by Liz. Where did you get your information? They wrote back, Hi, Elizabeth. I'm sorry if I offended you. I thought you'd gone by Liz at some company that she worked at. My mistake. She wrote back, never. I hate that name. She wrote back, hi, Elizabeth. I'm so sorry if I offended you.

2:23:25BBB. I must have misheard my mistake. They wrote back, Chase, if you wanted to call me by any other name, I would have offered that to you. I think it's rude when people don't even ask permission to take all sorts of liberties with your name. This is a real sore spot with me. My name has a lot of nicknames, which I don't use. I use either my first name or my last name because I row with a lot of other women who share the first and second name that I have. Now, please do not ever call me by that nickname again. Oh, my gosh. She wrote back, hi, Elizabeth. I'm so sorry I offended you. My mistake. Best. Chase. She writes back again. Chase, sounds like you got played by someone who knows. I hate that name. And it's fast to tick me off. Psycho. Who told you that I go by that name? They are not your friend. Crazy. And it just keeps going on. It's a string. of emails and you're sitting on the toilet and you're like, I can't get enough of it. You're like, oh my God. That really happened. Yeah, that's real. That's real. And by the way, where do you find this stuff? We make it up. Come on. I have a team of researchers and writers and we're constantly, you know, looking everywhere for interesting stories and interesting tales to tell, interesting topics that have never been covered in Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, which...

2:24:44After 20-something years, it's getting a little narrower than it used to be. But we seem to find great stories. No, man. I mean, listen. That is so great. First of all, the book is, I want to see how many, 537 pages of just random stuff. And it's every couple pages some new topic that you want to read when you're going doo-doo. And, you know, it's actually pretty good. They put weird stuff in here. what a quiz is like for a nanny. Whoa. Yeah, what a quiz. That's killer. Like, what the nanny quiz is. It's just interesting. Like, you're reading it going, weird. Weird. It's just all weird, kind of cool stuff. And for any guy that likes to read on the John, this is it. So all guys. Yeah. Every guy. I should get that from my husband. I have to say, we get lots of letters from women who read it also, but you're correct. Most of our... Fan bases is man John well that couldn't be because as we all know women do not go number two so that could actually be Couldn't be women writing it. We do We do actually you'll find in this edition of Uncle John's bathroom. You'll find we have an article called meet Omar Shamsun Yeah, you want to guess who Omar Shamsun is who's that? Well, it's Homer Simpson in the Simpsons were translated into Arabic

2:26:10And we got the story of what happened. It's funny because Homer Simpson is Omar Shamsun. His wife is Mona Shamsun. And the kids, Badr and Bisa Shamsun. And they can't eat hot dogs because it's pork, so they eat beef sausages. Can't have donuts since they have cookies. Duff beer? Forget it. It's fruit juice. That's cool. Nothing can happen in Moe's tavern because they don't drink alcohol. It happens in a tea house, and it's a mosque, and so on and so forth. And they had the best writers in the Arab world working on this. I don't know what that says about the writers, but it was a giant flop because they took all the humor out. Hey, question for you. What did you do before this? I mean, how were you making 11 before you started writing the poop books? Part of them is the poop book. I love them. That's what I call it. I'll say to my wife, if it's ever missing, I go, babe, where's my poop book? Oh, wow. It's great. Now, what were you doing, though, before this? Oh, I've been doing this for a long time, though. I bet, man. I mean, listen, you can make a great living at this just thinking of all this cool stuff guys like to read. Oh, we have great stuff. We have the history of the Chia Pet. Really? Yeah, the history of the mall. Now, I heard somebody moan at the idea of an article about the mall, but it's really fascinating because the guy who invented it thought it was going to be like middle of nowhere. Not nowhere, but far from everything else, and he didn't realize that.

2:27:40that businesses were going to move closer to the malls, and there were going to be big highways that were loaded with strip malls and so on. So he ended up, the guy's name was Victor Gruen. He's credited as being the father of the mall, but he ended up touring the country speaking against the malls. There you go. All right. Well, listen, this is Uncle John on the phone with us, and we appreciate your time. It's by the Bathroom Readers Institute. You can find it. anywhere. You can go and find it on Amazon. Like you said, it's the 23rd edition. This is the latest one. I'm taking the copy that I have home, and I've already got three, and they're great, and I read them all the time. Can I leave you with death? Sure. So in 1993, a French mountain climber named Gerard O'Mel, who had successfully climbed Mount Everest, died in his kitchen when he fell off a stepladder while changing a light bulb. So the guy went up Everest how many times? Wow. He died trying to change a light bulb. Is that ironic? Yeah. Yet another reason I don't change light bulbs. There you go, man. Hey, Uncle John, thank you very much. My pleasure. It's great to be with you. All right, we'll see you. That's awesome. I mean, I like these books. I've seen these books, and they're guy books, you know. They come in handy. I should start taking them with me. See, and I couldn't walk into the bathroom with a girl that I just started dating with the...

2:29:03Uncle John's heavy-duty bathroom reader. No, that's called the out-of-the-closet pooper. You just throw the newspaper under your arm and you walk through the office. Yeah. And hot girls in your office are watching you carry a newspaper. And see, Jay will do it. I wouldn't do it. You know what I used to do? What? Tuck it in my sock. I used to roll up the newspaper, tuck it in my sock, put my pants over that. That's a great idea. Or I'd go in the back and put my suit coat over it. Now you scream out, touchy cotton. Oh, that's great. Yeah, he does. Yeah, now Jay does. Well, I do now. In front of you guys. You guys are family. Yeah, there's a few things that I wish we weren't so much family. That's one of them. Let's play Name That Tune. 570-1949. Call us right now and we'll play Name That Tune. You've got to pick me. or Sienna, or Woods, or L.O.B. Call us right now if you want to play the name of that tune. What's the theme today? Today is a band called Hasey Dixie. Okay. And they do covers of all kinds of bands, and they do it in a real country hillbilly way. Yeah. And the prize is, I have a Mikey Show t-shirt and a pair of tickets to go see the Dandy Warhols at Billy Up. Nice! December 7th. Call us right now, 570-1949. Fantastic prize. Come back and do that.

2:30:54Billy Ray Cyrus was getting interviewed, and they caught on tape him walking out. He walked out of the interview. Oh, boy. We got audio of it. We'll play it for you. Let's do a little Name That Tune first. We announced Mikey Thawne earlier. Mikey Thawne 2010 is on the way. It'll be December 16th and 17th, and we're raising some money for Rady Children's Hospital, and it's going to be real good, and we're real glad. So get ready for it. And let's play a little name that tune. First, you've got to pick your horse. M1 Marie from San Diego. Who would you like? Lion. You got it. Wow. Hang a line. M1 Malone from Rancho Bernardo. Who would you like? You got it. Hang on. Next up, M1 Crusader from San Diego. Who do you want? Mikey. You got it. M1 Brian from Carlsbad. Who would you like to select?

2:31:59Well, the person that's left is looking at her split ends right now. She is none too pleased. She has a look on her face like, really? We're going to play like this, huh? We're going to start like this. All right. You've selected Sienna. You've selected Sienna. You've selected this look on her face. Hang in line, please. Watch. She's probably going to kill it. She's probably going to kill it. She's probably going to win. Oh, she's got the scorecard all ready over there. Sienna, are you ready to do that? Sienna, are you ready to keep score? Here we go. Here we go. Woods. Queen. This is all band. This is all Hasey Dixie. Yeah, it's all redneck, banjo kind of stuff. Brilliant. So it's perfect for Woods. Yes. Woods. Aerosmith. Gosh. Your brain is working faster than mine. Here we go. Mikey. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren? I don't know. Three, two. Lauren. Lauren. Eric Clapton. What? You have to do that one for me and... Woods. Ted Nugent. Dang it. Dang it. What song? Catch, Catch, Fever. Dang it. Scores. Scores. Mike, negative one. Lauren, negative one. Woods, three. How are you doing?

2:33:45We don't need to talk. He's beating me and Mike. Yeah, you're in second place. That's right. Sure, guys. No points for second place, but that's okay. You could win, Sienna. You got a better chance of what we do right now. Mikey. Kiss. I like the buzz. So refreshing. Here we go. Woods. Kiss. Here we go. Woods. ACDC. Wow. Yeah. Dang it. Man, Woods is killing it. Dang it. Here we go. And I'm winning. Yeah. Woods. Mikey. Woods. Jay Giles. Dang it. Wow. This is display, people. This is called a display. This is your kind of music. This is right up my alley. You're in the zone. Hey, when you drink moonshine every day, this is what happens. Here we go. This one's going to be tough. I've got to get you out of your zone.

2:35:08Woods. Motorhead. Nice! Didn't have a chance on that one. Never heard this one. Ace of Spades? I haven't heard like any of these. Let me sing that. I haven't heard a lot of these. Wow. Here we go. I got three remaining. Should we make them each worth five points? Of course. I'll give you the score really quick. Mikey and I have zero. Lauren has negative one. And Woods has seven. Seven. Wow. So each of these is worth five. Oh, boy. Woods. ACDC. He's running away with it. That's five points for this. Mikey. Rush.

2:36:20Dang it. Woods. Judas Priest. Dang it. Last one. It's worth a million. It's worth one million points. One million points. Beatles. Yep. Very good. Lauren won. Five. I got five. I thought it was worth a million points. It's not worth a million. It wasn't worth a million points. No, I got four. My goodness, Woods. That was a display. That was a display. Woods on Hasey Dixie. M1 Malone from Rancho Bernardo. Woods knocked it out of the park for you. Yeah. He killed it. Are you guys going to cry about him running up to score on you? Yes. Yes, I am. He just pointed his finger at me. That's right. I'm not shaking your hand. I'm not going to shake hands. Thank you. Hang on. What do you win? I don't even know.

2:37:36You got the Mikey Show t-shirt and the Dandy Warhols. Dandy Warhols, great live band. To the belly up, 12-7. It's a good prize. That is a good, good band. So nice. Probably a Tuesday night. Can't make it. Listen to Billy Ray Cyrus get angry. Oh, dear. Because they asked him about his divorce. But I have to ask you because you are a celebrity and we have all heard. Do you have to ask, by the way? Yes. I mean, I'm not defending. I'm just saying. Please don't tell me that you weren't told before the interview not to ask. You don't have to ask. Your marriage is going... Oh, man, you know what, bud? I'm sorry. Woody Johnson. I had to ask you. Woody Johnson. Yes, sir. God bless America. God bless our troops. Woody Johnson. Yes, sir. Look at you. Don't be mad at me. Oh, I ain't mad at you. Have a good day, brother. Are you done now? Are you done? All right.

2:38:39I had to ask Billy. Very rude. I'm sorry I had to ask. I'm sorry. Good for Billy Ray. Wow. You know who doesn't have to get upset because they're getting asked questions? Somebody that doesn't get a divorce. Yeah, maybe she cheated. You don't know that. That's true. With Bret Michaels. Man, this guy's a jerk for asking. You know what? She did say the one thing that she's right. What if she did? What if she cheated? I don't know. How hard is this? Ready? Ask me. Hey, it's a tough thing, and I've already been told I'm not supposed to ask you. Have you? Maybe. We don't know. But we're assuming. Maybe. We're guessing. You ask me. So, listen, Woods, tough subject. Your divorce with your wife. Right. We know this is a tough thing for you to talk about, but can you give us the details about what's going on? You know, man, it's just... I hope you can appreciate this and your listeners can understand that I'm just not really, I just don't want to talk about it, man. I want to keep it private. You know what, though? We're here in a situation where you have the opportunity to address these things on the air to your fans that are listening right now. And they, you know, we do know you and we think of you as kind of being a part of your family. So what can you tell us about this? Well, you know, I can certainly appreciate that. And, you know, I thank.

2:39:55thank god for all my fans i mean and and if i didn't have fans i wouldn't be steve woods which is exactly which is exactly why your fans i think want to know what's going on and where are you with you know i think i think it'll all come out in due time i'm just not really in position to talk about it right now so if you want to talk about you know my new record or um I'll be Billy Ray the night before. You be the producer of the show, Mike. Billy Ray the night before? Yeah. Okay. Hey, we're going to be talking to Billy Ray. Okay, okay. I understand. There's one thing. I'm broken up about it. I'm real upset. I don't want to get upset on TV. I just want to talk about my new album. I'll talk about my daughters. Both of them got a career. I'll talk about anything you want to talk about, but man, don't touch the subject of my divorce. Please. Thank you. It's all man to man. Thank you. Man to man. Thank you. Okay? Thank you. Okay. That's what I would say, by the way. I would say thank you. Because then I haven't said... I won't. Okay. That's the move, by the way. Interviewers that don't... Here's the deal. If Woody Johnson... Yeah, he has.

2:41:00doesn't ask that, his listeners are like, oh, wow, you ever just throw up softballs to a big celebrity? I mean, come on. Well, you could also say I'm not going to have him on the show if he won't talk about it. That's exactly right, Ella B. And I've done that a lot. And I think it's very easy to deflect. I mean, anybody that's been doing interviews as long as Billy Ray Cyrus has can be like, look, dude. And you can even say, look, man, I told you I don't want to talk about it. I just want to talk about it. I completely disagree with all of you. Sienna, the walkout bit is way unprofessional. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to completely have Billy Ray Cyrus back. That's shocking. I know. I'm sorry, but he was married. It makes me sad. He was married for 17 years. Me too. They have a bunch of kids. This isn't some Lindsay Lohan who's in some relationship with some girl. She didn't even know she was a lesbian. It's not a joke. You walk out. No. Is that professional? If someone asked me if Todd and I were getting divorced and I was being interviewed, I would absolutely walk out. But you had a problem with the Kings and Leon walking off stage after there was crap in their mouth. What? That's not professional. Totally different. It's not professional. What? Totally different. We're talking about someone's marriage falling apart. Right. You don't think, that is, he probably didn't want to cry. That's a sad thing. You don't walk out. And she's right, like, what if, what if she cheated? Screw that guy for asking.

2:42:11What if she cheated? Yeah. That poor guy's heartbroken. He doesn't know. Did I not just deflect the question? See, dude, I just don't want to talk about that. I'm not going to get into that. But I'm not going to walk out. It makes me sad that that's what this comes to. We need to know about Tiger Woods' every details. Now we need to know, what do we care about Billy Ravis' divorce? Like, why is it our business? That's so true. Well, because that's, unfortunately, the culture we live in, man. Extra TMZ. So why should he even have to deflect that question? Yeah, see, that's the thing. He doesn't have to. No. Hey, listen, dude. Dude is free to ask a question. And I say Billy Ray is free to be like, hey, man. And all things considered, I think he tried to be cool. He should just be lucky that anybody wants to talk to him still. Absolutely. And I agree with that. But for Billy Ray, you know, and then the guy's a jerk. And he keeps going, oh, I'm sorry. He's apologizing. No, he's being a jerk. I don't think he was. I think he was really apologizing. He's like, I'm sorry, Billy. I'm sorry. And on top of it, if Sienna's right. He's dealing with an achy, breaky heart in it. Absolutely. He is. He needs to go listen to The Climb.

2:43:14And he's going to feel a lot better. His daughter's song. You guys, that's a long marriage. And when there's kids involved, I'm sorry, my heart breaks for him. Yeah, this ain't no party in the USA. And that's all the songs I know by the Cyrus family. Those three. And that's all I got. I'm racking my brain. I got nothing else. You want to do Van Halen? I can do it all day. So many things I hate about you. Akon sang on a song with Michael Jackson. It just got released last night. I love it. I haven't heard it. I love it. First time I'm hearing it. I like it already. Who's that? Is that Michael? Michael. Is that you, Woods? That was me. Don't. That was pretty good, wasn't it? It was. I thought that was A-Con. Don't do that. He's awesome, man. A-Woods. Guy may allegedly, I don't know, done some stuff in his personal life. All I'm saying is, dude could sing when he sang, man. For sure. huge hit dude this sounds like something that could be out right now i mean i wouldn't listen to it but i could see how it would be a huge hit oh this is all there's an album coming out right in christmas yeah i bet it won't make one dollar right yeah right

2:45:07I guess there was a handwritten note by Michael that was found after he died that was basically saying his desire to have this song that was recorded back in 2007 to be the first single on his next project. So that's why this is being released. And I guess years ago, this song with Akon was leaked and it wasn't finished. And Akon says that they were like... devastated because an unfinished version came out it wasn't nearly as good it wasn't finished and uh so now they're he's like akon so stoked that now they're gonna have it released right and michael you know because it was a big deal to michael so fascinated with the leaking of albums and songs i think it's the artists always but i i just have that like i'm just that cynical dude that's like yeah you put your wreck you throw a couple little nuggets out and build even when it sounds like junk That didn't sound like junk. No, no, the first version did. And I bet it still didn't sound like junk. I've heard some demos of stuff. If you're really into a band, like I'm really into the Kings, you know, if I heard a demo of Radioactive, their new single, I would be all the way in. It wouldn't matter. It would just build buzz for me. Okay. All I'll offer you to that is, you know how I am? If we were working on something, and before I felt like that thing was right, it got out, and it sounded like... Caca?

2:46:25before I felt like the right touches were on it. You would go through the stratosphere. I'd lose my mind. I would lose my mind because even the finished product to me, I will still pick apart. Exactly. And so it would drive me bananas. Demos, yes, but I think the single, they've got the single wrapped up and it's not coming out for two weeks, but then you hear it, come on. That's got to be. I mean, it's got to be, right? Maybe. This is the finished version. Yeah. It's pretty good, man. I like Acon. Not bad. I like Acon, dude. So this is on the Michael album, which is released on December 14th, and it is the first of 10 albums which will be sold over the next seven years from MJ. What? Weird. You mean from MJ's family? Mother. Yeah, from MJ's mom. Yep. Wow. We'll capitalize. By the way, Woods, you're going to... You're just...

2:47:21Strap yourself in. We have a news story out of Kentucky with audio of a guy that was forced to eat his own beard. And it's next. Rebecca and I had a big debate about this on Saturday night. She feels you cannot play Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving. I agree. I believe it's perfectly time now. No. And I was... She's right. I'm in. She's right. No. No. Can't do it. I'm not in the right paradigm yet. I'm all in. Jay's in. I got all my Halloween. All I got my Christmas decorations down, ready to go up. Yep. Yeah, I'm ready. I'll tell you what I do like. What? Christmas lights. They started decorating the neighborhood around where I live. Christmas lights. Because I just think they look so freaking cool. Me too. Don't listen to it. Man, Christmas just whips my ass.

2:48:36Really? Yes. See, Rebecca said that too, but now she's in on it. It whips me. She's in on it now. I like Christmas music when it's appropriate. I'll ask Hillary. Hillary just walked in. Do you have a Christmas music moratorium? Like the second, like midnight December 1st, I am listening to Christmas music. December 1st? And see, I feel like I can... After Thanksgiving? Yes. Thank you. See, Rebecca says that only the day after Thanksgiving. Your team Woods and Rebecca. Okay. And I say now. I'll listen to it. For me, I'm already feeling it. Oh, okay. If I get the feeling, I have to have it. What if you run out of the feeling? Oh, I won't. What about in July? Oh, Mikey. I...

2:49:25I love Christmas so much. I am such a Christmas dork. I mean, I get all emotional. I adore it. So I save it. I make myself wait. Is that Sarah McLachlan? I could listen to her sing anything. Oh, it's like a real angel singing. Angel. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. You know what I drive around listening to cranked when I'm by myself? What? The Nutcracker. Yeah. Really? Yeah. The, like, symphony. Yeah. I can listen to that. Oh, my God. My grandma took me to the Nutcracker, Hillary, when I was 11, and I fell asleep through the whole thing. All right. The whole, and... I think I did that when I was little, but I... I saw Phantom of the Opera at 21 and fell asleep. Oh, wow. I don't blame you, pal. 5701949 is the number. Okay, so I've got to give you this. This is a news story from Kentucky, and it's a very unusual and strange story. Not 100% sure when it happened, but take a listen to this.

2:50:38From W-L-E-X. Last May, his beard was cut off, stuffed in his mouth, and he was ordered to eat it. But that's only the beginning of what a Lawrenceburg man says he and his brother endured all because of the fight over a lawnmower. Jackie Congedo spoke with Harvey Westmoreland and joins us now. Well, Kevin and Nancy, sentencing for the two men charged in the attack is next Tuesday. And for Harvey Westmoreland and... Listen, everyone knows my stance on things. I'm obviously against attacking people and so forth. However, with that being said, it's hard to miss the humor in such an odd attack. Yes. Eat that beard. You eat it. You swallow it down. If there is one piece of beard left on your plate. Brother. It's been a long year and a half, and they're ready to put this episode behind them. That's the LAX 18 big story. That's the big story. Little beard eating PTSD. At least that's what Harvey Westmoreland and his brother Joseph used to think about former friends Troy Halt and James Hill. That was before May of last year on Willisburg Road, where Halt used to live. My brother was cleaning up the stalls out there for Troy, you know, working for him.

2:51:59And of all things to fight about, Wes Moreland says, punches started flying over this lawnmower. I'm sorry, he offered to what? I don't understand. Are you saying he wanted to purchase it from you? He wanted to bite it. Oh, are you saying that he wanted to buy it? Yes, buy it. Got it, got it. Half my family. I paid 20 bucks for it. He thought I was trying to cheat it. One thing led to another before I knowed it. Knowed. Knowed it. Oh, I love him. Knives and guns. That guy know how to bait a hook. Knives and guns. Get a squirrel real good. You guys ever tasted catfish? You think that guy's got dirt between his toes? You think that that guy has ever had bacon with a meal? You think that guy's ever had long toenails? Everything just went haywire. He says his brother had a mark on his neck where a knife was held. Westmoreland's loss was more permanent. They cut my beard and forced me to eat it. Save that. Save it.

2:53:21I don't know when we'll play it. We have to play it at some point. We'll find the right time. We'll find the right time. Go, but threaten them. If we called the police, they said we would not live to see. Police. I love the police. They call the po-po. Police. The police. The police. The police. But that wasn't enough to keep the two brothers from calling 911. I believe in the law. I believe in justice. It's been served. And you know it will be after Tuesday. Wasn't the only thing served. Your beard was served. And while it'll take some time for some things to grow back to normal. That wasn't even punny. I mean, she didn't even, it wasn't even clever. As long as it was. Westmoreland says what's more important, he and his brother lived to tell the tale. I was actually in for my life. I'm sorry, sir, what? My brothers laugh. Laugh. Yeah, guess what? The DA's like, I've never seen, I don't know what to charge. Is there a law? There's no precedent for this. Sir, in 1844, there was a man that I had heard.

2:54:37Was forced to eat his own beard. I think he had to eat his own sideburn. His wig. It was cut off with a bayonet in the Civil War. Jay did it. He was forced to eat it. Jay did it. Hair today, gone tomorrow. Eat your beard. Someone needs to do a Bigfoot beard eating mashup. Yeah, 100%. Absolutely. Chances that guy's butt crack was hanging out. Chances that guy owns a pair of overalls. Chances he was wearing them in the interview. With a short little tank top. Chances he never had a piece of straw in his mouth walking down the street. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, that was rad. Oh, wow. That was rad. Hillary, what do you got coming up next? Well, I am going to play the police. Yes, nice. Love the police. Oh, I grabbed some Strokes, New Order, Black Keys, and Sleigh Bells, who are playing our holiday hootenanny, December 11th, and some Pearl Jam, a good Pearl Jam song I don't always play to kick things off. Nice.

2:55:43All right. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we'll come back tomorrow morning at 6 and do it again. The Mikey Show's out. Late.