The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/30/10

1:09570-1949. That's our number. You want to get a hold of us? And you can do that right now. If you want to, you can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. We had a great show today, man. We are jammed today with stuff. Real quickly, I'm going to introduce everybody. The Mikey Show consists of five people. Myself, Woodsy, Lauren O'Brien. Sienna is back today. Missed you guys. Missed you. It was nice to have you back, Sienna. Thank you. And Jay, who's wearing a DC t-shirt today. Weird. Jay's 47. And then we have screening phones for us today. Will. It's Will. It's Will. W. It's Wheel. So, man, there is so much to talk about today. We gotta...

2:12We got a lot to go over. I love this story out of Arizona with the Cardinals and Derek Anderson. We'll hit that in a little bit. We got the Incorporator today at 730, and Woods will be calling a what place? What is it? It's a used record store. Used record store. Yeah, Woods isn't calling. I'm calling. Yeah, he's calling as the voice of our program director, Garrett. Garrett! And that should be fun. Woods is actually fired. Yeah. Nobody knows it. We announced yesterday, Sienna, that Garrett is going to be filling in for me while I'm in Haiti. Were people excited? With you guys. Yeah, I think so. I didn't really see anything about it. I'm sure they are. My dad does that to me every once in a while. My dad will go, what did you do on the show today? And I'll say, oh, you know, we did such and such. And he goes, well, how did people like it? I don't know. You know, I don't know. I think it sucked. Because I don't know. I don't know if people liked it in their car. I think they did. I think they laughed. You can always call us and let us know how great we are. But my dad thinks that there's like a meter on the wall. And it goes. That would be nice. That'd be rad.

3:35That would be rad. We could try to keep that thing pinned in the red. That would be so awesome. I'd love it. Well, our thing is we just do what we think is funny. If we think it's funny, then hopefully it works. Yeah, honk if you like it. Speaking of Garrett, when you guys watch football and you hear LeGarret, does everyone say out loud, Garrett! LeGarret Blunt. There's Jason Garrett from the Cowboys. Head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Jason Garrett. Garrett! Garrett! My wife goes, oh, God, still? Oh, yeah, Todd hears me in the other room like, really? Really? You're alone in there, you know? All day long on Sunday, even when I'm not watching the Tampa Bay games, I'll go, look, Garrett! Garrett! So fun to say. It is. I walked into his office yesterday just to have a conversation with him. I had to fight it the whole time I'm in there. No, don't do it, Jay. Jay, don't fight it. I can't. I'm just going to go with Garrett. Garrett. I can't wait, man. I can't wait. It's going to be so great. I hope you don't do that for four hours or two days. You know I'm going to 100%. Oh, it'd be so fun. Eight hours straight. I'm going to do his voice to him. I think all the listeners will call in and she goes, Garrett. Garrett. Everyone just do Garrett's voice all day. Garrett. Just when you call us, you just go, Garrett. Seattle. Hang up. Detroit.

4:49Billy. Lancaster. Let's hear the best Garrett out there this morning. Yeah. Oh, yeah, just say Garrett. 5701949, let me hear your best Garrett. That's going to make us laugh so hard. By the way, if you go to MikeyShow.com right now, you can see a countdown to the first ever FM 94.9 Mikey-thon. You can see it right now. Nice. It's coming up. Yes, it is. That's right. It will be here in 15 days, 23 hours, and 54 minutes. We better get ready. That's right. Holy cow. And 45 seconds. I'm not nervous at all. I'm petrified. We have a 28-hour meeting today to prepare for it. And it will literally be 28 hours long. We may miss the show tomorrow. We'll still be meeting on the air. We'll still be meeting. 5701949, all right? People are calling to give us their best. Garrett! Mikey Show. I have a really good Garrett. Let me hear it. Sounds like he was going number two. Garrett! Mikey Show.

6:10That was too fast. It was too fast. Drive by Garrett. He's driving by Garrett. You know eventually it's going to get to. Drive by Garrett. Hey Mike, I just wanted to give you guys a drive by Garrett. 5701949. I'm wide awake now. I love it, Garrett. I know it. Okay, so here's something that's happening in town. Apparently, there was another geezer that was hitting up banks.

6:55We know of the geezer bandit. There's been one other guy who was arrested who also dressed like a geezer. Yeah. Or else he was a geezer. I don't think we know yet. But this guy is another geezer robbing banks. Oh, boy. He robbed the California Bank Trust downtown La Jolla yesterday. And they're saying- I bet he got trillions of dollars. Yeah. He probably only took gold bars. All they can carry. Bullions. Krugerrand. Yeah, they're saying he was a white elderly man dressed about 70 years old, approximately six feet tall. Now, they know it's not the quote-unquote geezer bandit because this guy's bigger. He's a bigger build. But he actually threatened to have a grenade in the bank, which is pretty scary. Weird. Yeah. He got out. So he's very creative. Yeah. I have a grenade. Dude, get your own bit. Yeah. Rob Banks, get your own bit. Get your own thing. I know, so he walked out of the bank and just another geezer bandit on the loose. I don't know how, I've said this before, I don't know how guys rob banks anymore because I thought they had dye all over the money. I told you. What do they do? A pro knows how to separate that dye pack. Really? You see Point Break? He gets in, he gets in the cash drawer and he pulls out the thing and he looks at it and he throws it up in the air and he goes, pop!

8:11And stuff goes everywhere. Because it's set to go off right when you walk out of the bank. Or in the town, don't they put it in a microwave? Yeah, they put it in the microwave. I used to rob banks a little bit. And a good pro can separate the dye pack from the rest of the stuff. You should probably say that you didn't used to rob banks. Yeah. So that you don't get yourself in trouble with the law. In my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In your mind. Okay. In your mind. Tried to plan a few heists. Couldn't get a crew together. Couldn't do it. I couldn't get a crew together. It's hard. It is hard. You didn't ask. That's true. How about this? This is on the cover of the UT today. Obama is calling for a federal pay freeze. Yes. A two-year freeze of the salaries of about two million federal workers. We're talking this does not apply to military members of Congress, their staffs, defense contractors, postal workers, or federal court judges and workers. But other than that, if you're a federal employee, you're not going to get a raise. At least that's what Obama wants for at least two years. They're saying it's going to save about $5 billion over the first two years. Wow. Yeah. That's a lot of money. So he announced this yesterday, and I'm sure a lot of people are upset. Better than losing your job.

9:25Yeah, for sure. Yeah, the Congress has to approve this first. And have you guys heard that there's like an ATM thief here in San Diego? He's ripping off ATMs and it's one person. This isn't just one person. Yeah, it's a bunch of ATMs. Yeah, but apparently if you rob an ATM, it's almost impossible to catch you. I mean, you have to know how to do it, obviously. What? No. But there was another attempted robbery in Mission Valley yesterday. And they say, you know, an alarm goes off. It takes a while for the alarm to contact the alarm company. Then the alarm company has to contact the cops. And this guy was right in Mission Valley, this cop. And he got there about two minutes after it happened. No one, no traces to find this guy. I mean, they're like, it's almost impossible to catch these people. I thought there was cameras on those things. Yeah, you would think. They must spray them or something. Well, not only that, but, like, how do you get in there? Sledgehammer. I have no idea. I like the vehicles that just back up to it and they throw the unit in the back of the truck and drive away. Drive away. You would think that that would take, it's really like breaking into a safe, isn't it? Yeah. It says that it was unclear if there were any surveillance cameras. How is there not a surveillance camera by an ATM? I thought they can see you through the ATM. You know, I've heard, and this may be a rumor, maybe if somebody knows about it, but I've heard that the camera only turns on if...

10:47You try more than a couple times to put your pin in. Come on. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Really? That, like, if I have your card, Mikey, and I'm like, what's Mikey's password? And I try a couple different things, then it turns on and films me because I might be a thief. Really? I don't think it films Mikey going to get 50 bucks out when he just puts it in, puts his code in. I would have thought it was a motion sensor. Yeah, a lot of them are. I think it's, yeah, I think that sounds more like it. That's just what I heard. Well, this is about the 30th ATM theft robbery this year. People are desperate. Oh, they are. Especially this time of year. Yeah. How do you use so much cash, too? Because you would think that to buy things, you don't really do it with cash. Let's say you're buying a new car. Very rarely do people walk in there and put a down payment on a car with cash. You're laundering. No, you can pay your rent. You can buy groceries. You get money orders. You're laundering. Or why not just deposit that money into your account? Because you don't want large amounts of money showing up from nowhere. You can't deposit 50K. IRS will check it out. Just put it in a safe at home. All of a sudden, you're just a cash guy. You're just a cash guy. You're a cash guy. I guess people... People pay for cars and stuff in cash. It's so sketchy. It seems so sketchy. You go get money orders. You go get... What are those things called? Certified checks. There's a million ways to... Because I was watching this deal. Not that I know.

12:14That show Border Wars. Right. Yeah. And they film a lot of it right here. And it's another one of those shows that makes your heart beat fast. They show these people and they're walking across the border. It's amazing how many people walk across the border every day here at San Ysidro. I mean, just thousands and thousands of people walk across back and forth, back and forth. And so they show this. woman who is a border patrol agent and all she does is she just stands there and watches people and she's looking for people that look suspicious and the way that people look suspicious is they're walking a little fast or you know they've got all kinds of signs that make them look suspicious she stops them and she starts asking them questions did you know that you can carry three thousand dollars in cash across the border every day but you can't carry more than that wow and i thought $1,000 in cash, a lot of freaking money. Yeah. So she stops this dude, and she says, do you have any, you know, because he looks suspicious. Are you carrying any cash on you today? Uh-huh, yes. And she says, how much? He says, you know, about $1,000. And she says, okay, can I see it? And so he takes his wallet out and produces some money in his wallet.

13:38And she looks at it and she says, do you have any more? And he goes, yeah, yeah. And he reaches into his pocket. He's got a wad of money. You guys don't have that? With a rubber band around it. And it's hundreds. And she goes, why don't we go inside just so that we don't scare people that are walking by and just draw attention to it and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, yeah, sure. And so they go into the building, and she makes him take all the money out that he has. She counts it up, and it's exactly what he says. It's about $1,500 or whatever. She goes, okay, well, sorry to bother you. And he goes, yeah, it's okay. I get nervous when people talk to me. But it was still $1,500 in cash. Why is it wadded up? Doing something. She asked him where did it come from. He goes, I sold a car. As far as you know. Yeah. She let him go. It wasn't $3,000. What can she do? Yeah. How scared would you be with that much money in your pocket? Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. But they got another guy, and he said that he had whatever he had on him. And they took him in the room. Same deal. And they pulled his pant leg up, and he had money taped with duct tape all up alongside his leg. She counted it out. $64,000. Holy cow. In cash. Wow.

15:05So he obviously worked for a drug cartel. Yeah. You know? And that's what they're looking for. Wow. And the reason that they caught this dude is because he was really skinny, but he was wearing real bulky clothes. And $64,000. It is. Creepy. I've known people who fly with the money belts that you keep on your stomach and they, you know, $10,000 in the money belt until they don't say anything. Can't do that anymore. Why, though? Why? Why so much money? Because they'd go to, like, maybe they'd go to Switzerland and cash out their money there and try to bring it back without reporting it. Oh, because the IRS wants a chunk. They want to know. Got to get their taste. Yeah. Yeah, now they've got the little chip built into the money, right? Is that what you're talking about, Woods? What is that? A chip is in the money? I didn't say that. I don't know. Oh, there's like a wire. There's supposed to be something in the wire now that makes them, you know, they know when you're coming back through. Oh, wow. No, I meant that you can't wear the money belts anymore because the scanners will get you, or the pat-downs will get you. Oh, my gosh. That's scary, people carrying all kinds of money. I knew this guy a long time ago, and he got offered thousands of dollars because he was just, and they said he was perfect for it because he'd never done it before.

16:16He drove a very unsuspecting car. And they wanted him to go to Mexico. And for $3,000, they wanted him to just, all he had to do is put a small amount of pot in his car and carry it to Bakersfield. And he's too afraid. Yeah. He's too afraid. He said no. But he said that he knew guys that did it. And it was, you know, for them, they didn't care. They did it. Shoot. I used to work for a radio station that Signal was down there. And so I would get sent down there with computers and all this stuff to drop off to the officials and stuff. Right. Scary. Because it was like, you know, I'd go across the border and I'd say, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to see this person. They're like, go ahead. You're not supposed to take that much equipment down there either. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Border crossings freak me out. M1S Dog from Escondido. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Good morning, guys. Good morning. How are you? Good. Well, I just had an ATM story the other day. I had to sell my iPod just to, you know, make money or whatever for gas, diapers, and times are tough for everybody. So I have 50 bucks going to deposit into the ATM, and I drive through. It was one of the drive-thru ones, and I'm the only car there. I drive up, and there's money. Like, the thing's flashing. Like, take your money, and there's a stack of money.

17:38be at least $300. Oh, wow. How much did you get? Well, honestly, I went, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And at first I thought, this has to be like, honestly, I thought, is this a blessing? Because I can't even, you know, pay the bills and I had to sell my iPod and oh my gosh, no, this isn't right, this isn't right. So I took the money out and I went ahead and I thought the person was going to be back right away. So I did, you know, my deposit and I waited and I waited. I stayed outside my car. I looked around. It felt like forever. I would say probably five to ten minutes. This car comes up behind me, and it's this guy, and he looks normal, but the look on his face is like, oh, there's a car here. Like, darn it. Like, hurry up, chick. Like, I need to get going. It didn't look like he was all panicked, really. It was just more like, oh, hurry up. I don't know. It was weird. So then I kind of look at him, and I walk towards the car. What? Yeah. Yeah.

19:05This day and age, like, I would have at least, like, kicked down 20 bucks or something. For sure. Sure. Sure. Like, thank you so much. Because he was just like, oh, I can't believe I did that. Yeah. And, you know, I gave him the money, and then he hopped back in his car and took off. And I thought, oh, my gosh. You know? Yeah. I sat here and waited for you. Oh, at first, I tell you guys, it was so hard to not take up money, but I knew it wasn't right in my heart. Good for you. Yeah, you know, you did the right thing. You did. You did the right thing. You did better than what I would have done. Yeah, me too. I did think to myself, okay, I think there's a camera too. I'm not sure. Yeah, could you get in trouble for that? Yeah. Could you? I don't know. It's not yours. It's stealing. You get in trouble. I guess it is. Yeah. I mean, if I took it into a bank, though, say, and I said, hey. The $20 was left in the machine, and I took the rest. At least I turned, you know. How would they not know that the rest was, you know. They could find it. They could find out who. They really could find out who. Who took out that money. And if you turned it in, which you did the right thing, which is what I would have done too, and I would have vomited on myself, but I would have done it. Exactly. It would have sucked. It's the right thing to do. It is the right thing to do. I don't think I would have waited and approached a stranger, though, with that much money. Yeah. I think I would have brought it to the bank the next day.

20:17Yeah, hey, listen, you did the right thing. If that guy is a bad guy, he's a bad guy. And I hope that he isn't. But, you know, you did the right thing. Hey, thanks for the call. I appreciate it, S-Dog. Good work. Okay, bye. Be careful out there. M1 Bobby from Ocean Beach. Hey, what's up, guys? What's up? Back in the early 90s, 91, 92, between sometime during then, there was a lot of smuggling in surfboards, in longboards. They would put pot. Coke, you name it. And what they do is they would take them from factories in Mexico, have them glass cheaply, you know, how you glass over the phone. But they were full of, you know, whatever. And then they would bring them to a place. There was a shop in IB. I'm not going to say what glass shop it is. And they would say, where are you taking the boards? And they'd say, oh, we're going to get a gloss finish done. Everybody knows out there in San Diego what I'm talking about. If you surf, you know what a gloss finish is, which is shiny instead of sanded finish. And the problem was that dogs, you know, start sniffing the boards this one time. So from then on, bam, every time you come back with boards on your roof, they ask you to take your boards off. Wow. Usually just pull it out, knock on it, see if it's hollow, and then throw it back in, zip it back up. Wow. Hey, man, thanks for the call. Tricky.

21:40If M1Sdog is still listening, call us back. Call us back, Sdog. Got a surprise for you. 570-1949. Let's get Sdog on the line. So many things to talk about today. I'm just like, gosh darn. How are we going to get all this out? Justin Bieber. Breaking news. Breaking news. Is he okay? What happened? This is just coming over the wire right now, so those of you that are in your car, you'll be the first ones to be able to tell people when you get to work. He found a hair in his armpit. No. It has to do with hair. Not yet. He has a new hairdo. Holy cow. Oh, my goodness.

22:31Oh, yeah. Huge story. Girl's just freaking out because he's known for the hairdo that goes right in his face. Well, he got a haircut. I'm searching for a picture of it so you guys can see it right now. I hope it's a crew cut that his buddy gave him. So let's just check this out. S-Dog, are you there? Yes. Okay, cool. Did he say that you have a surprise for me? Yes. M1 Anonymous in La Jolla. Are you there? I'm here. Good morning. Good morning. So my wife and I tie 10% of our income to any people or place that inspire us and remind us of the truth. And, you know, so anytime we get a chance to give away, we do. And so I want to give S-Dog 300 bucks. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Be different. That is freaking awesome. Love it. Awesome. Love it. Holy cow. No. We set money aside so we can do this kind of thing, and she's a perfect person. Dude, you are the man. LLB's tearing up. I am. S-Dog. S-Dog. I want to point something out to everybody listening right now. If S-Dog had not done the right thing, this wouldn't be happening right now. I want that to just resonate with everybody. She would have $300 with a guilty contract. She would have $300.

23:59And she may have gotten in trouble. Looking over her shoulder. She may have gotten in trouble. And if, you know, if the bank put two and two together, she may have gotten in trouble. A lot of trouble. And because she did the right thing, she is being publicly honored right now. She's being publicly honored. Now, the way that I think that we should do it, M1 Anonymous, is if you could come down to the radio station and give the money here, that way she's not having to give out her home address and that kind of stuff. I just want to make sure that everything is done appropriately and that she and her identity and all that stuff. And so, hey, if you would both want to come down to the radio station and do it that way, that'd be cool. Or you can do it whatever way you want.

24:58If you guys want to come down on Friday, you could. You could do it whatever way you want to. Or M1 Anonymous, you could just send it to the station. You could do it whatever way you want to. They can exchange phone numbers, maybe in private with the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is an extremely... So awesome. I'm blown away. I'm floored. I'm the type of person, I cry at everything. And I can't even shed a tear. I'm in shock. I'm in complete shock. When I hang up, I'm probably going to lose it. I don't, I can't even, I don't even know what to say except for thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I can't believe this. Like, wow. That's really, really awesome. It's really, really awesome. This is unbelievable. Getting all of us in here. Let me ask you, S-Dog, did you end up selling that iPod? Yeah, I did. You did? Did I sell it? Yeah, uh-huh. But it was worth it, you know? Yeah. I mean. In fact, I brought my gym clothes today, so I was going to work out. At my work, I have a little gym. So I'm trying to get in shape. And I'm like, okay, you know, I don't have any music. That's okay, you know. And I'm like, I can do it, you know. The first day of working out, but I'm like, without an iPod, I'm like, but I can do it. Right? Yes, you can do it. Yeah, well. Hey, Mikey, here's what I'm going to do. Yeah. I'll bring my $300 cash to your station this morning. She can pick it up by the time you guys close your show.

26:25That's fantastic. Freaking amazing. That's fantastic. So incredible. And hey, let me just say this, S-Dog. We'll work out the details later, but the Mikey Show is going to get you a new iPod. Yeah! And we'll work out the details. I don't know how we're going to do it, but we'll probably ask Mr. Rick R. Jackson, and I'm sure that he will be... Garrett! Garrett! Hey, Mike, do me a favor. Don't give any more iPods without asking, right, buddy? If you do, it's going to be Mikey's personal iPod. And then I'm going to shatter the window and throw you through it. Punch you in the neck. Everybody pay it forward today. That is awesome. Follow M1 Anonymous and S-Dog's lead. That's great. Made my day. And let me tell you, what S-Dog did is the essence of... being different and and what i mean by that is it's our natural inclination a lot of times to go i want what i want uh it's much harder to do what the culture tells us uh not to do which is to not

27:33do whatever we want. You know, our culture says right now I want what I want. I deserve what I deserve and blah, blah, blah. She did the right thing, which in today's culture is different. And, uh, I appreciate you doing that. We'll give you a different bracelet. So great. So great. Uh, let's see. I'm going to have to have anonymous information too. So I can, I can, you know, thank this person. Absolutely. He's incredible. Absolutely. All of you are amazing, so thank you so much. That is great. Okay. Hang on just a second, Anonymous, okay? Yep. Hang on. And Will, he's on line four, so let's get his info. And S-Dog, we're going to have you hang on the line too, okay? Okay. Okay, hang on just a second. M1 Steve from San Diego. What's going on? Hey, I work in the ATM business. The funny thing about people taking these ATMs on Monday morning. They have $100 in it or $20,000. Wow. Yeah. So many times we get people ripping off machines where, oh, yeah, there was only $80 left. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, hey, thanks for the call. We appreciate it, Steve. What a way to start the morning. No doubt. That is great. Everybody start your morning. Can I show you guys real quick the picture of Justin Bieber's new haircut? Let's see this clown. Okay, first I'm going to show you the before. All right.

29:07He's so cute. Oh, yeah. Okay, before, you know, the hair. Yeah, a little coif. And now here's the after. Please be a crew cut. Oh, wow. It's the same thing. It's the same hair. It's the same haircut. He's a little less bang now. He trimmed his bang. Wow. Now I feel bad that I did the breaking news story. Hey, now check this out. We remember famous, you know, press conferences where players or coaches have freaked out. We know of them. The Bears are who we thought they were. That's why we took the damn field. If you want to crown them, then crown their ass. But they are who we thought they were. And we let them off the hook. That is Dennis Green. And Dennis Green is something else. It's just funny because there's a new tirade that we're going to play for you. And the new tirade happens to be an Arizona Cardinal as well. This time it was Derek Anderson, and he flipped his lid. And when we come back, we'll play you what he did and what he said and why he flipped out. What did they ask him that got him so flipped out? Woods will tell you next on Woods on Sports.

31:15How can you not think of Goodfellas when you hear that? Jimmy Conway. That's right. So you're going to hear Derek Anderson's tirade coming up in just a bit. Why was he freaking out? I'll tell you all about it in Woods on Sports in just a minute. I'm mad. Real fresh debate. Real good. And the Incorporator at 730. Woods is... Going to be using the voice of Garrett, our program director. Garrett! And calling a used record store. Weird. We got Ask the Dudes at 8. So it's, give you ladies the opportunity to ask us, fellas, whatever you want to ask us. What do we really think? They can be brutal, just a warning. Yeah, we can be, well, we're brutally honest. Yeah, it's a good thing. Yeah. The word of the day is penalty. Word of the day is...

32:21Penalty. And I will say that word sometime between now and 10. I asked my husband, what's a really good guy word that we wouldn't say all the time? And that's what he came up with. It's great. Yeah. It's a good one. Now, today's word of the day is worth a pair of tickets to see Linkin Park. Wow. Yeah. How about that? Saw those guys once. A great, great live. Loud. Loud, loud, loud. And we'll also throw on a Mikey Show t-shirt. Woods. Yes. Wood. Oh, God. Wood, wood, wood. Really? Rachel. What's her name? Rachel, what's her name on ESPN? Where is my other clicker? Oh, here it is. It's right in front of my face. I had glasses on my face. I believe her name is Rachel Nichols. You know who I'm talking about? I was just going to ask you, because there are a lot of people torn over Rachel Nichols. Is Rachel Nichols hot or not? This is really a question. Hot or not, let's see. Dwayne Wade, L-O-B. Will's coming in here. Jay's coming in here. ESPN's Rachel Nichols, guys. 5701949. Is she new or something? What's the big deal? She's been on the network for about two years. Some say she's not the greatest broadcasting, but is it really about that? Oh, no, not hot. Not hot, not hot, not hot, not hot. Rachel Nichols, not hot?

33:49Not hot. 50-50 girl? No. Not a 50-50 girl? She's a 12-pack girl. 12-pack. We have a 12-pack. She looks okay. J? Oh, gosh. She's okay. She's got weird bug eyes, I think. Oh, wow. Probably a nice gal, but not. Six. No, I can do it. My wife's 50 times hotter than that. Oh, for sure. The J? She definitely is. She's definitely much hotter. She looks better when she doesn't know you're there. Oh, girl. I like special in the morning. That is so creepy. Okay, so Barbara Walters put out her 10, Most fascinating people. Oh, yes. And she's revealed eight of them. They are Justin Bieber. Bieber. Bieber. Bieber. Bieber. Justin Bieber. Well, we're just one blue wolf. Justin Bieber is an interesting girl. He's a boy, bro. I'm not a girl. Yo, man. You're an interesting woman, Justin.

35:17I'm not a woman. Sorry, you're a girl. I'm a man. A girl. I'm a boy. Who else? Betty White. LeBron James. The entire cast of Jersey Shore. That counts as one, I guess. Yes. The future queen, Kate Middleton. Sarah Palin. The new American Idol judge, Jennifer Lopez. Sandra Bullock. And the two names that she's holding back, we will find out when the special airs on December 9th of ABC. I'm on board with all but J-Lo. See, I think it always makes it seem to me like it's just like, well, who's hot in the news? Right. It is. That's exactly what it is. But it's almost like they're fascinating because you're like, why is everyone obsessed with them? Taylor Swift. Take a guess on the last two, you guys. I mean, obviously. Kanye West. And Lady Gaga. Or Taylor Swift. But they've been big for years. So have all those people. No, there's something. Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock had the affair that came out. Yeah, and it happened this year. Yep, it's those people. Sarah Palin, Kate Middleton, just is about to be queen. Yeah, then again, I'm not really fascinated with her yet. I'm not really fascinated by any of them. Who? Any of them. Any of them. I'm fascinated as to why people care about them. You have them on paper? Mm-hmm.

36:38I'm fascinated by Gore Vidal, Mike. If you want to really know. Henry Kissinger. I'm fascinated by Che Guevara. Nietzsche. Nietzsche. The works of Shakespeare fascinate me. The Dalai Lama. Idiot. Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa. Fascinated by the Black Keys. John Calvin! Haven't you ever heard of a guy named Bill Gates? Of course, Bieber, of course. John Calvin. Mary Todd Lincoln. What? Mary Todd Lincoln. These are fascinating people. Frederick Douglass. Idiots. It won't be Tiger Woods. And this is interesting. Listen to this. I don't think they understand. I don't think they understand Babwa on this clip. Babwa.

37:54Because they say, is it Tiger Woods? She says no. And I think that they think that she's doing something she isn't. Take a listen. Can we guess? Yeah. You can guess. We did Obama already the other day, so it's not going to be. It's not Oprah because we have an hour with Oprah. Who? Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods. We try to keep it positive. Do you? What does that mean? See how everybody laughs? I think that they thought that she was taking a shot at Tiger Woods. I don't think she is. No. Wasn't she? No. I don't think that's why she's saying that. Why would she say that? Because I think that what she's saying is, is we try to keep it positive. And if we interviewed Tiger Woods, all it would be about is this whole affair thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would just be, you know. But that's what Sandra Bullock is going to be about, I guarantee. But she wasn't the one that cheated. She wasn't the one that cheated. But she also got an Oscar. She's adopting a kid. She's got a lot. She's fascinating because she got cheated on by Jesse James. But all the other stuff, too. She's had quite a year. Yeah, but it didn't make her... You take the affair out of it, I wonder if Sandra Bullock's one of the most fascinating people. I wonder if she wins an Oscar. No, she won it before that. She won it before. Like the night before. Yeah. That it broke. Yeah. It's brutal. The whole thing is brutal to me. Yeah. I'm really trying to think of who the other two are. It's going to be...

39:15Somebody like, I think it'll be somebody like Taylor Swift who's had all this success in music. I swear she was one of them last year. I think Gaga, man. I really got my heart set on Gaga. But I think Gaga was already on last year. Yeah, I think she was too. She didn't do anything this year that was really outrageous? Hey, she wore a friggin' meat suit. Meat suit, yeah. So did L.O.B. You're not on there. Probably be me. What if it is L.O.B.? Probably be L.O.B. Out of the depths of obscurity. Well, let me ask you, why the obsession with black guys? Sorry? Why the obsession with black men? It's not really an obsession. It's more of a stalker. You could say that if I were to make a list of fascinating people, they might be 90%. Black eyes. Yeah. Here's Lauren's list of the eight most fascinating people of 2010. LeBron James. Yeah, LeBron James. Michael Vick. Ving Rhames. Michael Vick. Dwayne Wade. Dwayne Wade. Denzel Washington. Denzel Washington. Mike Tyson. That makes my mouth water. Terrell Owens. Vijay Singh. Vijay Singh. I love throwing Vijay Singh. Gosh.

40:36Vijay Singh is my favorite black reference. The black guy from Dave Matthews. Yes, Boyd Tinsley. Are there two? Yes, one died. Why does obscure comedy strike me as so funny? I don't know why. Last night, I very randomly said that on my Facebook status, I said, I would say. Hands down, the celebrity that I'm mistaken for the most is Nicole Kidman or Fred Savage. And I also get Eartha Kitt. Who's Eartha Kitt? She was in Boomerang. No, Eartha Kitt. Yes. She was? Yes. She was in the movie Boomerang? Yes. Maybe it's because I just don't know the movie Boomerang. She was Lady Eloise. She was most known, though, as Catwoman. The first Catwoman. The first Catwoman. She's an African-American woman. And made me giggle. I laughed when I saw it. I'm the only one. Sometimes I like to crack myself up. If I'm not getting obscure enough humor, I'll just create it. Because I like obscure humor. And somebody said, I always thought you resembled Liza Minnelli. That is true.

41:59And I said, Liza, yeah, I get that occasionally. In fact, last week at Penny's, the clerk said, you look like a female Liza Minnelli. Take personal offense to that. I get Alice. I get Blossom. Blossom. I see Blossom. I can see Blossom. Oh, my God. Wait, who says this to you? He's being sarcastic. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Here it is. You believe that? Oh, no. LLB just gave me a, what do you want? Yeah, whoops. Sorry. Amazing. The shrug of his shoulders. What are you going to do? We need to have like a produced sound effect thing that comes on when L.O.B. does that. Where did it go, George? It would be so good. What?

42:59Wood, you like it. You like it when L.O.B. does that laugh. It makes me so nervous. My favorite thing on the Mikey show is that laugh. It doesn't make you think that you've pushed her over the edge and she's mad. That's why you like it? I know when I get that, I got her. He's satisfied. I know when I get that laugh that I'm like, mission accomplished. You just changed it in my head. You just changed my paradigm. It's my favorite thing. It's so funny. And her face when she does it is even better. Especially because I'm the only one on this show that makes any mistakes. Oh, I know. I noticed you jumping on board whenever I'm on the skewer. I'm never. What is a skewer? Give him a break. A skewer. Yeah, a skewer. I know. Oh, come on. Rebecca, my wife, Rebecca, said yesterday the thing that made her laugh more than anything else was Lauren saying that when Jay and Woods get into a fight, occasionally they'll get into a fight.

44:13And Jay will call him Wood. And Lauren's saying that Wood's saying back to him, Who's Wood? In the middle of a fight. And Jay going, You know what I mean? It's just a plural of your name. It's just a plural of your name. Oh, my God. That's how Wood's gets you. I know it. It'll get you. Come on, Woods. Anyway, Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We talked about it before we came back, and it was a pretty good meltdown last night by Derek Anderson. Classic meltdown. Classic meltdown. It'll be used as audio probably forever. Yeah, so last night was the 49ers against the Cardinals, and the Cardinals are not a great football team. They're just not. They've lost six in a row now. Derek Anderson is their quarterback, He's not a very good football player. So they were getting their butts handed to him. Fourth quarter, camera flashes to the sideline, and he's sitting on the bench, yucking it up, laughing with his offensive linemen. They're just giggling and sniggling like little schoolgirls. So after the game, he goes to do a press conference, and they ask him about it. Cut one. What Deuce and I talk about is nobody else's business. But why was something funny when you're down 18 points in the fourth quarter? It wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing about anything.

45:33The camera showed you laughing. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I'm not laughing about it. You think this is funny. I take this shit serious. Real serious. I put my heart and soul into this shit every single week. All I'm saying is the camera showed you laughing. I'm just telling you right now what I do every single week. Every single week. I put my freaking heart and soul into this. I study my shit off. I don't go out there and laugh. It's not funny. Nothing's funny to me. I don't want to go out there and get embarrassed on Monday Night Football in front of everybody. I'm telling you right now. We're talking. Deuce and I are talking. I'm done. Sorry. I'm not dealing with him. Sorry. We have different takes on this. You're a Sally, Derek Anderson. I'm not mad at it. I would be annoyed with the question, too. Thank you. Oh, the question? No, I'd be annoyed with my quarterback. I'm like, what do you care what I'm talking about? Be annoyed with the question, but stay professional. Stay professional. And can I just say, Sienna, I take a little bit of umbrage with Woods describing him as...

46:37yucking it up and laughing hysterically. I didn't say hysterically. I said yucking it up and giggling. He was giggling. He's got a smile on his face and he's laughing. Let's say that he's yucking it up. He's allowed to. Is he? Well, here's my thought on it. Here's my thought on it. I don't think that he's laughing on the sideline because he doesn't care. I think it was because the game was embarrassing. And it was like, what are you going to do, man? This just sucks. You know who's embarrassing? Derek Anderson's embarrassing. You know what his quarterback rating is? 68. Terrible football player. He's terrible. What if one of his offensive linesmen was like, you ever just suck real bad at everything? Yeah. Seriously, dude. But here's the deal. I'm the worst. Perception is, unfortunately, reality. And when you've lost six in a row, six in a row. and you're on the sideline, and you're kicked back, and you're laughing, it just doesn't look good, man. It doesn't look good. Maybe it doesn't. You don't want that out of your leader, and the quarterback is the leader of the football team. But what about when LT played for the Chargers, and he got it all the time when he would go sit on the sidelines and just sulk? You want him to go do that? Yeah, I'd rather see that. After six in a row, I'd rather see that. If he sulk, then people would be like, hey, maybe stop crying like a baby and get out and play. Yeah, you can't win for losing, but when your quarterback rating is 68.2,

47:59Don't freak out at a reporter. You're the terrible one. The reporter's doing his job. He is guilty, in my opinion, of being a mental midget. Yes. Because he allowed a reporter to get over. To get in his head. Not just get over. As you listen to the clip, you can hear the reporter. It's this. Very clearly, the first time you hear it. And we'll play it again, because I want you to hear it again. This is what it is to me. The reporter asks a question and notices that Derek gets a little hot. And so the reporter goes, I think I did blood. I just tasted blood. And so then he circles back around and he takes another chomp out of Derek Anderson.

48:54At which point Derek starts to flail in the water, which is the last thing you should do around a deadly shark. Yes. Because now you've got blood and flailing. And he just rips him apart. Nobody else's business. But why was something funny when you're down 18 points in the fourth quarter? It wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing about anything. Yeah, you were. The camera showed you laughing. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. You gotta get caught in a lie. That's fine. Blood. I'm not laughing about it. You think this is funny? I take this serious. Real serious. I got him. I think I got him. I think I got him. I'm just telling you right now what I do every single week. I just made SportsCenter highlights for the next 30 years. Nothing's funny to me. I don't want to go out there and get embarrassed on Monday Night Football in front of everybody. I'm telling you right now. We're talking. I'm done. Sorry. BBB, Derek. I got my freaking heart and soul out there. If you put your heart and soul in it and you really study your ass off and you still got a 68.2 quarterback rating, maybe this league's not for you, pal. Yeah, he's a bad player. Take it to the Arena Football League. He's a bad player. Clown. How bad is Matt Leinert that they had to cut him? I know. Derek Anderson's their quarterback. Gosh, man.

50:09franchise is just in shambles. The Bears are who we thought they were. Yeah, they are now 3-8 on the season. They rushed 11 times for 13 yards. 8 first downs, 203 total yards. Derek Anderson was 16-35 for 196 yards and an interception. Not a good night for the Cardinals all around. And LeBron James and the big three have not been playing that great of basketball. They're actually 10-8 now. They did get a win last night. They beat the Wizards, who have not won on the road this year. They beat them 105-94. LeBron James said he's starting to get the hang of it. Cut to. I think I'm starting to figure things out just to kind of come out aggressive from the beginning. See what happened. and then let D. Wade do what he do once the game is figured out in his mind. So I was able to be aggressive, got to the free throw line early, made some shots in transition, and then D. Wade just took over in the third quarter in the second half, and it was great. There you go. And then finally, the Boise State kicker, Kyle Brotsman. This is a pretty unfortunate story. They were undefeated and, you know, ringing the bell, wanting to play for national championship. Well, they lost to Nevada the other night.

51:20And he missed two field goals. Yeah, two easy, easy field goals. 26 yards and under. He's now getting death threats. Oh, my gosh. And nasty Facebook messages. And they're threatening his family. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, man. This kid, Kyle Brotsman, you got to feel bad for him. I mean, it's a freaking football game. Let me just say, let me just say, the guy that issues a death threat against a kicker. Yes. Who is that guy? I don't know. Boy, I wonder if he's this. Let me paint the picture. I wonder if he's a really happy family man. For sure. How could he not be? Works at Kaiser Permanente. Makes a good living. Makes a great living. Stoked. Beautiful wife. I wonder if he's that guy. Or I wonder if he's a guy living in his basement of his mother's house. You know, he's a little boy that shaves. I've missed some of my favorite teams. I mean, the Irish have missed some big field goals to lose some huge, huge games. Never once did I think, I'm going to murder that kicker. I'm going to murder him. Because you know what, man? It really takes a team to lose a game. And, you know, it's really unfortunate for those guys. And that's really sad. I mean, it's a frigging football game. You can't put that much weight on a football game. Exactly. Oh, God. What? Now what? Are you calling in about sports?

52:47Yeah, I'm calling him because I don't think I didn't catch the reference, Mikey. I caught it. I wasn't talking about you specifically. Weren't you? I caught it. I wasn't talking about Captain Buzzkill. Weren't you? No, you must have been talking about someone else that lives in their mother's face. You must have us on speed dial. He does. You get through quick. Have you ever threatened a kicker's life? No. Have you ever threatened a fellow dungeon master? Dungeons and Dragons. It's a DM. Oh, sorry. Have you ever threatened a fellow DM? Outside of the game, that is. If you are a third level warlock, you don't have to threaten. They just know? They know that you're capable. Warlock. They know that you have armament that is... Wow. Do you have a special cape that you wear when you play D&D? No, I doubt. I don't think you're going to have to worry about penetrating anyone. Oh, boy. I was going to say it, and I decided not to. Not with a shield like that.

54:15You mean Jay? Yeah. Just call him Dexter. Uncle Dexter. Yeah, Uncle Dexter. Yeah, that was Uncle Dexter. I'm just going to say that to Mikey. You better watch who you're talking about if you don't want to spell that on me. Watch out, Mike. Were you talking about him? That was actionable. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, I guess I was. All right, what do I got? 48 bucks. We added all the money up that we got between us. 48 bucks. You want to play Win Mikey's Money? Call us right now. 570-1949. We'll do Win Mikey's Money. Be the first to win Mikey's Money. Kick him down. Nobody's won yet. Clowns. Yeah, all it is is it's trivia. Yep. What are the three categories, Woods? Music, movies, and TV. You know anything about music, movies, and TV? Call us now. 570-1949.

56:13Welcome back. We're going to play Win Mikey's Money here in just a second. How much do I have? 48 bucks? Big money, big money. Big money, big money. $48. So you're going to be competing for $48. 5701949. I'm Mikey. My name is actually Mike, but on the radio I use Mikey. It's Mikey. It's Miguel, little Mike. It isn't Miguel. Isn't it? Miguelito. I don't speak Spanish. You say enchilada. There are certain words that I refuse to say like a white guy. I'm not going to say guacamole. What do you say? Guacamole. That's what it is. I say guacamole. Guacamole. I'm not going to say enchilada. Hello, this is Mike Esparza.

57:12I love... Fake bit. Okay, how do you guys feel about... I went to a Mexican restaurant last week, white waiter, and he was like, Hi guys, how are you doing? Can I just shoot some guacamole and some margaritas? Clown. Freaking clown. Do you guys think that guy's a clown? Do I get a bratwurst and go, Yes, I will have... I want a large Coke and a fry and give me a bratwurst. No, I don't. You know why I don't? Because I'm not an idiot. That's why. Yeah, let me see. I'll take the fries. I think I will get a Viener. I will get... A Viener. A foot-long Viener. Yeah, I'll take a Viener. Oh, that's the way you say it. You say guacamole. You say enchilada. Yeah, you say that if you speak Spanish fluently. If the rest of your sentence has an accent, go for it. Yes. Now, you are a Spaniard, so it's okay. Don't you think it sounds weird to say guacamole? No. If that's how you say every other word. I think you should be able to say it the right way. Guacamole. You grew up in a Spanish-speaking household, even though you didn't pick up a lick of it. That is true. But my parents did say all the foods the way that they're meant to be said. They're from Mexico. Yeah.

58:29But that's how he learned how to say it. I say certain words because that's how my mom says them. My mom and dad would not teach any of us how to speak Spanish because they thought that we would get further in life if we were like white people. Oh, my God. Yeah, they thought the whiter we were, the better chances we had. The browner we were, the worse off our chances were. And so they didn't want us to speak Spanish. Really? Is that really why? They didn't want you to know what they were saying about you. Maybe they didn't want us to know what they were saying. 100%. Absolutely. My grandparents. Talking all dirty to each other in Spanish. Yeah. My grandparents would speak Polish to each other. My mom would be like, what are you saying? They'd be like, don't you worry about it. Oh, wow. Let me tell you. Our nanny is Hungarian. And when she speaks that Hungarian, there is no way that you know anything. See, a lot of times there are. If you speak Spanish and Italian, they're different languages, but you can kind of figure it out. You're not figuring out Hungarian. No way. So different. Get her on the phone. Let's see if we could get her to just say a bunch of stuff to us in Hungarian and speak really fast. She was talking to her parents the other day, and it was like... Why? Why is it so fast? Why is it so fast? I don't know. It's fast to us, but we speak...

59:47Probably really fast. We're just having a conversation about stuff. Win Mikey's money. This is the way that it works. I'll compete against you and you'll use your name as a buzzer. And it's very simple. If you know the answer to the question, you simply say your name. You can interrupt at any time. M1, Steve from the OC. Are you there? Wait a minute. Sorry about that. Steve, are you there? Hi. Get it, Steve. Oh, what's up, guys? Steve, if you win, you'll be the first to win because nobody's won my money yet. Get it. Take him down, Steve-o. We got $48 in cold, hard cash for you to win today, and you have three categories, and what are they, Woods? Music, movies, and TV. Stop saying it like that. No sports today, pal. You'll get it. You'll get it. Music, movies, and TV. All right, you get to start, Steve.

1:00:49Let's go TV. TV. Use your name as a buzzer interrupt if you know it. For one point. Oh, my God. In Cheers, what team did Sam Malone formally pitch for? Oh. I don't either. What is it? Red Sox. Red Sox. He did? Yes. A little too young for that. Mayday Malone. Me too. Oh, my gosh. Negative one. All right. You're up again, Steve-o. Both of you. We'll go TV again. TV again. Who was Butthead's comedy partner? Mikey. Steve got you. Steve got me. Go ahead, Steve. Yes, it was. One point. The score is now zero, Steve, negative one, Mike. Great. Negative one? They both said they didn't know the last one. Or does that not count? No, that doesn't count. Okay, so one zero. They can pass. Steve-O, you're up. Movies. Movies. What director earned a bronze star and purple heart during his tour of duty in Vietnam? Mikey. Mikey.

1:01:50Oliver Stone. Yes, sir. Look at you. Who knew? Tie ball game. Mikey. I will take music. What rock group's only beardless member is Frank Beard? I have no idea. Think about it. Lauren? Steve? Don't know. No idea? ZZ Top? Yes. Bearded rock band? ZZ Top. Yes. All right. Mike. Tell me the categories again. Music, movies, and TV. TV. TV. How many monkeys were there? Steve. Yes. Mike, do you want to take a guess? Mike one, Steve zero. Mike two. For the steal. Steve zero. You're allowed to have the steal? Yeah, he can steal it. It's best out of what? Five. Seven. Best out of seven, so we've got to get to four. Okay, Mikey, your choice. Music, movies, or TV? Music. Music. What instrument does Charlie Watts play in the Rolling Stones? Mikey. Mikey. Drum. Yes.

1:03:05I only need one more point. Steve is really bummed that there's no sports. Mike, music, movies, or TV? Movies. What Adam Sandler comedy featured Bob Barker's screen debut? Yes. Yes, sir. I'm never going to get anything with Adam Sandler. I don't know his movies. Okay. Don't know his movies. Steve-O. Movies. What one city must a movie play in to be eligible for an Oscar? Yes. I'll stay. Yes, Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Yes, sir. I had by one. All right, Steve-O. Stick with movies, I guess. Stick with movies. What movie has Jack Nicholson yell at Tom Cruise, you can't handle the truth? Steve. Yes. Oh, man. I know that. I know that. I know it, too. Steve's up. Three. You can't handle it. Two. Five. He's the agent. Mexico. McGuire. Shane McGuire. Yes! No! No!

1:04:13Mikey. I don't know. Yes, Mikey. A few good men. Yes. Is that it? I think you're done, my friend. That's it. Did I just win? I think you just won. Mike for Steve won. Hey, listen. You can't be beat. You can't. I just said, Mike. I did. If there was four, I thought I took him out. I know it. Sorry, bro. You blew it, Wood. Sorry. Dang it, Wood. Nobody has been able to do this, Wood. Nobody can get you. Come on. Man. Good try, Steve. There should be some sort of penalty for me winning that many weeks in a row or whatever. You have to give it to me. That's it. That's it. Okay. 570-1949 is our number. You can call in about the following topic. And by the way, don't forget about FM 94.9's Holiday Hootenanny presented by Siam, which, by the way, Can we have more friends asking us for tickets to this thing? No kidding, dude. Saturday, December 11th at Remak. This thing went on sale on November 16th, and it's probably going to sell out. Oh, absolutely. Tokyo Police Club, Sleigh Bells, The Temper Trap, Against Me, and The Black Keys. Tickets are $40, and a dollar of it goes to About the Music Fund, and it's really cool. You can get tickets at Ticketmaster, and you can also go to fm949sd.com if you want to have information on that.

1:05:39So listen to this. Mikey, I'm wondering if any of you on the show have ever had to deal with something like this. I work in a large sales department and recently my boss has decided to start buddying up to me for some reason. The problem isn't that he's my boss. The problem is that he's... Cool. Just go ahead and say it. Nobody in the department or office, for that matter, likes this guy. He's really arrogant and has a reputation for firing people on a dime. He's been hanging around my desk, has asked me to lunch multiple times, and now he's trying to get me to join his flag football team. The other sales guys think it's hilarious and are making butt-kissing noises when the boss walks away from my desk. The worst. I have no desire to be friends with this guy, and the fact that he's my boss makes it really uncomfortable. What the heck am I supposed to do? Thanks a lot. Signed, Woods. Signed, M1A Frame. What's a butt-kissing noise? So just a kissing noise. Well...

1:06:56I mean, the deal is that you don't have to be friends with the guy. In fact, if anything bad were to happen to you for not being friends with them, you're liable to sue him. What do you say to that guy, though? Here's what you do. I have a lot of experience in this department. You the boss man or you the sales guy? Both. Both. Me, I was a sales guy for years. I was only a manager for about a year. You know, you want to be friends with the people that you work with and that work for you. But when you become a manager, you really can't. You can't. You got to realize that. Yes, you can't ask Michael Scott. That's true. Yeah. But the other way, you know, the inspiration for the Hoyle voice came from a true story of my old boss at Reach Local who we all should have been promoted. They brought in this guy from the outside. They paid him a ton of dough. A ton of dough. five times what I made. Right. And I'd been there in the trenches three years slogging it out and this guy came in and would be like, I'd be leaving at 530. Hey, you just leaving? You taking to the house already? Oh, wow. Michael Jordan don't walk off the court at halftime. Look at the time. And I'm like, who are you? But then the next day he'd be like, what are you doing this weekend? You want to grab some beers? I'm like, no. I don't want to hang out with you. But the bit is, you kind of have to be two-faced, man. A little bit. You have to. You lose the battle to win the war. Yeah.

1:08:18You'd just be like, yeah, I can't this weekend, but hey, good seeing you, bro. It's tough. It's tough to do. I mean, I don't think that you have to. You do. You don't have to. You do. You've been in radio. You've never been in the real world. What could you say? Would you just be like, I'm not actually interested in a friendship? No. No, you don't say that. Then what do you suggest, Mike? If you're talking about no lying by omission, just total up front, what would you say? You say... You know, you can say that you have something else going on because you do. But what if not every time? You do, though. What if he's like, how about in six months? No, no, no, no, no. He's like Michael Scott. Listen, you can always say that you have something else going on, and it isn't a lie. Right. You do. Yeah. The something else going on may be sitting on the couch. Yeah, that's true. I mean, listen, I have to put aside a day every week that I can't make a plan. Yeah. I have to. And if somebody says, hey, can you come and take care of, can you come and do something that's really meaningful and important? I have to say no. I'm committed to something else. Well, the something else may be hanging out with Jake. Yeah, but you still look like a D. I don't think you look like a D if you say, no, I can't. You have to tell him, look, you have to be straightforward about it. You can't just keep saying, nope.

1:09:41Nope, can't this time. Nope, this time. Because he'll get mad. See, here's the thing. You know, if you're saying no for the simple act of saying no, people can probably read it. Well, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Say it like that. I'm telling you, sometimes you got to suck it up. And you got to go have a beer with the guy. You have to do it. Yeah, I think so too. It's losing the battle to win the war. But then what if all of his... teammates turn on him oh yeah you're going yeah he fired Simmons last week and you're having a beer with the guy yeah you know and that's tough too because that that kind of stuff goes on and and you know when I was younger I used to have ideals and morals about things like that once you get older you have a family you got bills to pay you're like listen I'm not going to you know polish the guy's shoes but I'm going to do what I got to do to get ahead in this business and here's the thing like I think about my boss here My boss here is Garrett, our program director, and Rick R. Jackson. Now, if those two guys wanted to do something with me outside of work that was just like hang time, and they were asking me to do that, and I really didn't want to, I wouldn't.

1:10:54I wouldn't. I wouldn't either. I would if I wanted to. But see, the difference is that you like those guys, and I like those guys, and I probably, you know, if Garrett said, you know, me and you and Garrett went to the Taylor factory together, and we liked it. We had a blast. Right, but if you didn't like them. If you didn't like them. If it was someone like Hoyle, like I wouldn't go anywhere with Hoyle. You wouldn't go anywhere with Hoyle. If you don't want to, I mean, you just don't. Well, that's different. Not wanting to, believe me, when I get out of here, I don't want to do anything. I want to go home. That's the thing. See. It also depends a lot largely on your personality. Like I don't like to hang out. I don't. Yeah. I just don't like hanging out. You know, I'm trying. Oh, OK. I have this person's in my head. And this person right now, probably if they're listening, knows that I'm talking about them. But I'm not going to say their name. And they ask me to do stuff all the time. And I don't. The reason is because I don't like, A, I don't have time, and B, I'm just not a hangout guy. Me neither. I'm just not. Yeah, I'm not particularly either anymore. You're more of a hangout guy. I have a caveat to that. I do like to hang out in groups, but I don't like to hang out one-on-one. I'm a little bit more uncomfortable hanging out one-on-one. Wouldn't it be one-on-one? Right.

1:12:18Yeah, one on one. In my situation, it would be one on one. Uno. Uno y uno. Because I'm a Mexican-American. But, you know, dude, it's... And it's just part of that thing that when you're in corporate America, and which we are, but we're not, right? I mean, this is a different kind of deal. Man, when I had the shoot and tie gig, now, I didn't hang out with the Hoyle wannabe, but if he asked all of us to go out after work and get a beer and everybody was going, I would go. If it's a group thing, you're going to not look good. Exactly. The guy who fired me at Clear Channel, I went to beers with him like a week later. Yeah. And I didn't like the guy. Why'd you go? Just him? Just him. Just to keep not burning bridge or what? No, actually it led to a lot of other work because they couldn't do their own events without me. So I knew it was going to lead to something. So I just was, you know. You lost the battle. You won the war. And you're not kissing ass. I wouldn't kiss ass and go with anyone I didn't like. But you're not. Isn't it though? It's not kissing ass. If you're saying it, if it gets you ahead. Kissing ass is getting his dry cleaning. It's not getting ahead, LLB. I probably misspoke. It's more of.

1:13:24keeping up relations and not burning a bridge. Here's the deal though, Woods, and I'm just going to offer this as devil's advocate. Okay. Okay. Because I think that there's a difference between a one-on-one, like I'm seeking to have like a friendship with you. Right. Yeah. You absolutely do not have to do that in my mind. Okay. We do like some team building stuff where we're doing stuff as a team and we all take part in that. Because it's a team thing, and it keeps the team tight. Right. And that, I think, is important. And that, to me, is work. You know what I mean? I mean, it is and it isn't. Right. It's not technically in here, but when businesses do team things, you do it as a team. Absolutely. Now, the one-on-one stuff, though, here's my deal. It kind of goes back to the whole concept of living in the truth, which is a big deal of mine. I love this concept. If you are doing your job and you are performing at an optimum level in your job, you don't have anything to worry about. Like, honestly, if if and I'm just taking Garrett and Rick as my example, if I'm doing my job and Garrett and Rick want to do something with me personally outside of here, and I genuinely if if I genuinely didn't, which isn't the case because I like both those guys.

1:14:53But let's say that the case where I didn't want to, they're a tool like this guy's writing about. I don't have to. And the reason I don't have to is because, listen, I'm doing great. Now, I will say this. If I was stinking up the place and they were like, hey, man, you want to go grab a beer? I can't drink, but. A Sharps? You want to go grab a Sharps or a Coors Cutter? Yeah. It's probably in my best interest. Business-wise. That's not kissing ass. It's not kissing ass. I stink at my job. I stink at my job. Like, hey, listen, that's almost a form of work at that point because I stink. You want to get on their good graces. Sure. I just think, put the work aside. This guy, obviously, the boss, obviously likes you as a person and wants to spend time with you. And if you're going to blow them off every time, you're going to look like a jerk. And I would feel bad because I think this person likes me. But that person's a jerk. You don't have to hang. No, no, no, not a jerk. But he fired a bunch of people. He's a tool. Yeah, but dude. He's hoiled. It doesn't matter. He likes him. Can't he not fire people, though, unless they're fireable? But here's the thing, man. Yes, you would think. In an office situation, especially in a sales environment, the numbers don't always speak loudest. They really don't. And it's a lot of times the guy with mediocre numbers.

1:16:19that is the office favorite it's not the killer the killer is a prima donna and he's the guy that they always got to cater to but yeah he brings in the business yeah but the politics in an office are such that i used to go home a wreck a wreck booze you know all night just to get through you know and it's it's something that we don't have per se here um but man in those in those kind of environments those cutthroat sales environments You kind of got to do what you got to do to get ahead and to stay there. That's the tough part. They can fire you for anything. It's been a long time for me since I've had a program director that I didn't like. And I've had him. I've had him. I loved our last program director, Shauna. I loved working for Shauna. I've loved a lot of my program directors. I really liked him. But even the ones that I didn't like. It didn't matter because I had numbers. I had good ratings. So it didn't matter. Now, if I had stinky ratings and I was not doing well and they were like, hey man, you want to stop by? It's like in my best business interest. It's in good business interest. I bet you there's been guys fired with good ratings though. Because they didn't go have lunch? Not because of that, bro.

1:17:45They didn't want to hang out personally? That's probably a lot of things. No way. But I'm saying just having good numbers and being the high man on the totem pole doesn't guarantee you you're going to stay there. It just doesn't. No. That's naive to think so. But what I will also say is that I think that it would be naive to think that if you don't hang out with so-and-so person and you're performing and you don't hang out with so-and-so person, come on. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Absolutely. And that guy right there, he needs to get... I have a good friend, Bark Malman, and he taught me years ago how you've got to play the game. And you have to know how the game is played in order to win, just like anything. And you have to play the game. Just make him happy every once in a while. Make him happy every once in a while. Throw him a bone. I'll tell you something somebody taught me a long time ago. They said, find somebody that is successful and talk to them and ask them, hey, can I pick your brain? And ask you how you've conducted business. I did that years ago with Dave Rickards. And he was really cool. I pulled him aside and I said, hey man, I want to ask you about the business end of this. Not about what he does on the radio. Because the truth is, what he does on the radio is very different than what I do on the radio. And by the way, I don't get to listen to Dave Rickards. Because I'm not on when Dave Rickards is on.

1:19:11And I can tell you that I have, because I am on when Dave Rickards is on. And I can also tell you this, I've listened to exactly zero podcasts of Dave Rickards. But what I can tell you is that every time I've had a conversation with him, he has been a stand-up guy and a really nice guy, which really makes me sad. Me too. Which really makes me sad. But he taught you the business side. Years ago, I pulled him aside and I said, hey man, can I ask you some questions about how this is done? About agents and about protecting your staff and about things like that. Can I ask you some questions? Wear a cup. And he was very gracious and very kind and very nice. And I think you should be very gracious and very kind to everyone that... that deserves that. And then if there's a jerk on the squad, you can be cordial to him at the place of work. You don't need to go above and beyond and make that jerk feel good. Yeah, I agree. You want to do the Incorporator? Yep. Yes. When we come back, Woods is going to call a used record store using the voice of Garrett. Garrett! Our program director. We got Danny Boy on the line, too. He's caller nine. Oh, there you go. Okay, cool. M1 Danny Boy, are you there?

1:20:35Yeah, I'm right here. Hey, what was the word of the day? Word of the day was penalty? That is correct. Wait, let me give you a louder one. Awesome. You won a pair of tickets to see Lincoln Park. Nice. And you also won a Mikey Show t-shirt. Sweet deal. So hang on the line. And we need people to call us right now with words that Woods will use. In the Incorporator. Again, the Incorporator, Woods has to use these words that you'll give us in his conversation with the used record store. We'll do it next. Boy, that sure does sound good in my eardrums. Little known fact about this song, Mike, is it was Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's wedding song. Steve Woods reporting. No way. How did you know that? It always stuck in my head. I read it in People Magazine and I go, oh, that's weird. Incorporator coming up in just a second. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, this morning, North Korea has sent out a warning, an all-out war warning, that if the U.S. and South Korea continue the military drills they've been doing, it's going to be really bad, an all-out war. You know what drop I wish I had? I wish I had a drop of Michael Madsen from Reservoir Dogs going, you going to bark all day, little dog? You going to bite?

1:22:34It's the greatest. Also, later today at around 11 a.m., you can watch the carrier Vincent leave San Diego. People are very excited about this, so you can watch them leave. It's cool to watch those. Yeah, it's about an hour long. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the big fight this past weekend between Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan, the penalties have come down. No suspensions, $25,000 fines for each. Whoa! Yes, 50 grand going into Roger Goodell's pocket. And surprisingly, the Denver Broncos owner, Pat Bolin, has said Josh McDaniels will be back next year, which is shocking to me. As much trouble as he's caused that team and as bad of moves as he's made and really how bad that team is playing. But he gave him a vote of confidence and said he will be back. Woodsy must leave the room now. Get out of here. Garrett. Garrett. Detroit. It's officially time for the Incorporator. Here are the words that Woods has to weave into a conversation with a used record store. M1 Denmark said crinkle cut. M1 Steve said gigolo. M1 AK said shenanigans. M1 Frankie said diapers. M1 Scott said serendipity.

1:24:27M1 Babe said sneakers. Hi, babe. And M1 Booge said corpse. Oh. Oh, wow. I know. Gross. Corpse? That's a great one. Is Woods going to go, I'm not supposed to say corpse? Nah, he'll say it. He's going to do it. All right. Laying around like a corpse. Yeah. Sitting here like a corpse. Yeah. 570-1949 is our phone number. All right, let's give this a shot. Have Woods come in. And we always give Woods the first word. First word is? First word is crinkle cut. First word is crinkle cut. Let's see. Now, it's important to note, the person on the line will be able to hear Woods, not me. I will feed Woods the words. This is Bill's used records. Here we go. First word's crinkle cut. Yeah, good morning. Good morning. How are you? How you doing? I'm all right. Hey, listen, my name's Garrett. I used to be a program director up in Seattle, and I've got about 25,000 CDs that I made off with for my last station, and not that you need to know that, but I want to make a little cash on them, if you know what I mean. Here's what I need from you. I got a lunch date today.

1:26:19I'm going to go to Bennington's, probably get some crinkle-cut fries, my favorite. But I wanted to see what time you guys would be open until tonight. Well, six, but $25,000. I don't know if I can handle $25,000. Yeah, you know what? Well, I've got a lot of really top discs. You know, probably the jewel of the collection is David Lee Roth. Had a song called Just a Gigolo. You know that one? Oh, yeah. Shenanigans. Yeah, that guy was always up to a lot of different shenanigans. But, you know, it's a signed copy. Do you pay extra for a signed copy by David Lee Roth? Diapers. Yeah, but we'd have to verify that for sure. Well, I got a picture of him. We were backstage. It was 84. And I was with my friend Tommy. And we were in Philly. And Roth is sitting backstage. The guy's wearing a diaper. The guy used to crap himself. No kidding. Serendipity. Yeah, it was really... A matter of serendipity that I even got to go to the concert. My friend Scott Shannon called me and said, hey, I got a pair of tickets. I can't use them. I'm going fishing. Why don't you and Tommy go down? You meet Roth. You get a picture. Get him to sign the disc. Have a ball. Sneakers. It was a crazy night. Crazy night. I wound up in a gutter wearing nothing but my sneakers. Corpse. Yeah, so hey, listen, pal. What's the max you can handle?

1:27:47Well, you know, I'd say if you bring in like 20 at a time, I could take a look at them and see who their condition are. Well, man, you know, I'd probably wear a hole in my sneakers bringing 20 in at a time. Like I said, I got 25,000. That's way too much for me to handle. I'm a small shop here, you know? Okay, yeah, absolutely, man. I totally feel where you're coming from. Well, I'll come in. We'll sit down. I got to tell you this story again. David Lee Roth in his dressing room. The guy had an actual corpse. Do you believe it? It was insane. Van Halen, 84. Nice. Nice. Yeah, so hey, listen, pal. I'm going to come in. A couple quick questions for you, though. Do you do trades? Because there's a new band. They're out of Dublin. They're called the Leprechauns. Do you guys have that? I'm not familiar with them, but we do do trades. You do trades. Do you do like a two-for-one? We could probably do something like that. Okay. And what's your name again, pal? My name's Bill. Okay, Bill, I'm Garrett. I'll see you down there. I'll bring 20 this time, and of course, that's signed, David Lee Roth, Van Halen, 84. Okay, what time can I expect? Probably about 11.30. Okay. All right, pal. Detroit. All right. Oh, my gosh. I repeated one because I forgot what Mike said. Did you not get corpse? Because I said it, and you were looking at me like... No, I knew what it was. I thought sneakers in my head, and I had just done sneakers. I'm like, corpse, it's dead.

1:29:16It's a dead body. Yeah. Oh my. Good job, bud. Nice. Holy cow. That was tough. That was tough. All of us had our faces buried in our arms. We couldn't even look at him. I can't. Almost lost it again. I noticed that. My friend Scott Shannon's going to pick up Tommy and go fishing. There's a corpse in his room. Could you believe that? You believe it? He's wearing a diaper. He's like crap. Yeah, the guy wears a diaper. Holy cow. Holy cow. Detroit. Back in Seattle. All right, we'll talk to you later, Detroit. You can do Garrett's voice all day. Oh, my gosh. So fun to do. Maybe call in, Garrett. 570-1949 is our number. If you want to give us a call. A little bit later, we're going to have breaking news on Facebook. Is it getting a haircut? Uh-uh. It's cutting its bangs. Who is Rachel?

1:30:20You could tell. It's the girl Tiger Woods' mistress. Seriously? Yeah. Like that's what she's known for? That's how I know her. Oh. I thought she was like an actress. Porn star or something? She's not? I don't know. Adult actress maybe. Adult maybe. Oh, really? Something like that. I'm going to look. All I know her is from Tiger Woods. All right. Well, we got a whole thing on that coming up. And also, a very famous publicist was murdered in L.A. Going to the awards show, right? After a premiere of the movie. was shot in her car. And from the very beginning, people thought, this is maybe like an inside job, not random. Well, something was just discovered that's very creepy that's definitely going to make you think that this was professionally done in an inside job. It's coming up. Soothing sounds.

1:32:01This is a big one. It was pitchy there, just a little. You know what though? Sometimes when we have a bad day, we make up for it later. Like here. It's like a bag of cats. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh! Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Very high. Go for it. Uh-oh. Wow! That's a high note. Yeah. It's impossible to listen to this with your eyes open. Yeah. You have to sway. Yeah. Pom-pom-pom-pom-pom. Yes! Oh! Big one here. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay. Oh, wow.

1:34:20There you go. Just go with a lower note. Go with a lower note. Gosh. Yeah. That's... Made my day. Lovely. Wow. Strong finish. Really gorgeous. Gotta breathe there. How many girls do you think threw themselves at him after that performance? Hundreds. Pannies. Thousands. Yeah, hundreds. Virtual tens. Yep. Everything okay? What's happening? I can't hear myself at all. We got an Irish cyclone over here. What if it's your microphone? Hi, Mike. Hi. Can you hear me at all? And you have that turned up all the way? I have it up. Me too. Your volume? Is it all the way? Yep. I can hear everybody else. I just can't hear myself. You sound like you're in a little box or something. Testing one, too. I'm in a glass case of emotion. I bet they need to reset your... Emotion! The little power surge must have messed with your mic processor.

1:35:23Sounds technical. Oh, Mike just lost a bunch of stuff. Oh, no. Mike. Mike. I don't get it. Mikey. Where's Mikey? Where'd he go? Well, I'm looking at the equipment. I'm helping you out over here. I wonder if we can just turn up. Thank you. I wonder if we can just turn up her little mic processor. I called Jeremy. He's on his way over. That's when we first got on the air. I wonder if it's a... You kind of sound like Kermit. Oh, no, we can't. Maybe the engineers just don't want me to talk. Oh, wow. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Yeah, he's coming in. Go to this mic. Yeah, Lauren, I sent an order to corporate. Yeah, no more LOB. I can try to hear myself now. We're not going to fire you. We're going to turn you down. Okay? Did you touch something? No, I just had you turn that up. Wow, everybody else is screaming, and I sound like a little mouth. You sound like you're in an airplane, and your ears kind of go out, and you're like, ah. You can't hear right? I can hear you sounding funny. 570-1949.

1:36:23If you have a solution. You know how to fix your microphone. Wait, now mine's jacked up. It is? Oh, no, really? Is it for real? No, it's fine. What? Was I messing with yours? No, I think just now. Okay, I'm okay. Wait, now it's mine. Oh, no. I'm just kidding. I can't hear anything. It's spreading like gonorrhea in here. I wonder if people out in Radioland can hear me weird. I'm sorry, I hate to interrupt everything that's happening right now, but I have breaking news. This is Tom Brokaw, formerly of NBC Nightly News. Excuse me, I've had a couple of scotches this morning. But I have breaking news from Facebook. These are status updates that are just coming across right now. Kate S. says, grocery shopping is really gross when you have to buy prunes. This is on Facebook? Yes. Oh, wow. Let's see where you get your news now. Breaking news. These are status updates that are coming across Facebook right now. Thank goodness we know that. Becky W. wants the world to know, wishes that when people talked about it sprinkling outside, that it involved real sprinkles. That would be awesome. I'm bored. Megan R.

1:37:56Has a status update that says, Sunday should officially be changed to Snug Day. Happy Face. That was a nice try on that one. Patrick M. writes, Ice on my windshield. WTF? WTF. Yes, but I believe it's pronounced WTF. Ice on my windshield. Don M. writes, guys with beards, dot, dot, dot, dot. What the heck? Again, these are Facebook statuses coming across right now. Giovanna M. writes, Somos, Lo, K, Osimos, Rapidimonte. I think that's Spanish. I believe it is, yes.

1:38:58Wesley M. writes wonders who created Charles Darwin. Happy face. Oh, my God. What the hell? Brilliant. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're just tuning in, this is Sean Brokaw from NBC Nightly News with breaking updates from Facebook. Michael L. writes... I have automated phone systems, exclamation point. Awesome. Shout it out. Tell the world, okay? And finally, Catherine E. writes, say what you will about Kanye West, but his new album is thebomb.com. Wow. Not a real website. I'm Tom Brokaw with NBC Nightly News with that breaking update. Well done, Tom. Well done. Well done, sir. We are all wiser. Well, you know what? Sometimes you just need to know what people are saying. Guys with beards, dot, dot, dot. What is that? You fill in the blank. Yeah. It's really up to your imagination. People will put strange things on their updates. Yes, they will. I don't like the solicit a response sort of thing. Like, I am thankful for blank.

1:40:22And getting people the right thing. Yes, I agree with you, LLB, wholeheartedly. You're really freaking Mikey out because... No, I don't do it. You do? Yeah, no, I don't do it. I don't say I am thankful for dot, dot, dot, and then want you to fill in the blank. I'll ask a question. Yes. If I want to know, I'll ask. Oh, yeah, me too. Well, a lot of times we do that for the program. Yeah. Well, for the show, but I don't really say anything wrong with it. Do they really care what the other people are thankful for? I bet they do. Do we care what Joe from Escondido thinks? Do we? I do. I do. I care. I do. That's why I like Twitter. I like Twitter. I like Twitter. Because I like to know when people are at the grocery store. I do. Really? Yeah, I guess I'm a bit of a voyeur in that way. I guess so. I don't care if you have a nonfat latte today. I don't care. I do. I don't. If you were getting a nonfat latte, I would find... See, here's the reason. Because I believe that there's motivation behind everything. Even if the motivation is, I need groceries. I find that curious about you. That you need groceries? Yeah. You're in on that. Today, at this time. We all need groceries. I know we do. But some people will Twitter update that at 9.55 on a Sunday, which makes me conclude, wow, you're really a procrastinator. Wow, you lead an odd lifestyle. You think a lot into these. Maybe it's Friday, and it's 9 o'clock, and it says getting groceries. I go, wow, you're a very lonely person. It's Friday night at 9. It's Friday night at 9.

1:41:48It's the same thing about everybody checking in, you know, when you go places and you check in. I don't even understand. I don't like that bit. Me neither. Twitter makes me feel like a private investigator. That's why I like it. I feel like a private investigator. I'm like, oh. I'm surprised my wife doesn't like it more. You must be following more interesting people than you. I follow Conan. He thinks he's too funny. Yeah, he tries too hard. He tries too hard. Don't try too hard. But not a lot of people that I follow just talk about where they're going and what they're doing. Me either, but. I like it all is, I guess, my deal. I enjoy everything people Twitter about. I do not. I jinxed Lauren. Oh, yeah. I jinxed it real good. My tweets are the worst now. Someone actually said to me, I thought you were supposed to be a comedian. Oof. What a D that person was. And I bet Lauren was like, yet another reason I hate Mike. Well, hey, I said, and it's true, Lauren, Has really funny. She does. Clever. She's a great writer. She's so talented. What did she put? She's so funny. Hey, what did she put? What was that thing that she wrote? Was it a status update? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yesterday, we had Rick Springfield in the studio. Oh, yeah. I died. Yeah, yesterday, we had Rick Springfield in the studio, and M1 Lizzie asked L.O.B. if he smelled good. And what did you say, L.O.B.? I think I said he smells like...

1:43:17puppies and angel eyelashes with a dash of baby laughter. Yeah. Jamie and I died laughing during that last night. It's pretty funny. Oh, so sweet. I like the way you started, though. Who has two thumbs and had Rick Springfield's arm around her this morning? I'm trying to think of Facebook status updates that bother me. See, we've discussed the ones that really bug you guys, and I'm like, I guess I'm just, I love being a little private investigator, so no matter what it is. Unless I don't understand it. I don't understand guys with beards, dot, dot, dot. That means I think she wants to slay them. Is that it? Maybe she's like, do I like him or do I not? I don't think I like LOL at the end of a status update. I don't either. I'm going to say it right now. Yeah, you're laughing at your own bit. Leave it up to me to decide. I agree, LOL. Okay, Christine C says, migraine this morning, rain pouring, terrible traffic. This day can only get better. That's interesting to me. Yeah, me too. Rachel B., I need more time in my morning without getting up earlier. Grr. I don't like that. I have such a hard time coming up with one thing to say. Like, I feel like it's a nuisance. No one cares. Listen. I have to work to remind myself. This is what I have found about Facebook is that we have our Facebook rules. Yeah. And we believe.

1:44:42That the world should abide by our Facebook rules. Me included. We have Facebook rules. And we go, everybody should do... I think in my head, don't tag me. What if I got... What if it's the ugliest picture I've ever seen? Well, you're going to untag yourself. I know it. Yeah, but it's like a slap in the person who tags your face. It's like, why are you putting me in this situation to be me? Yesterday, I almost put up a status update, in fact, that said, can we all just agree to stop tagging ugly pictures of our friends? It's the worst. Stop it. And I don't take good pictures. I'm traditionally not a good picture taker. You know what the problem is? The problem is that we, as your friend, think you look fine. Yeah. That's how you always look. Yeah, we're like, you always look ugly like that. Yeah, you always look fat. Yeah, you always have three chins. Once we point out to you, ooh, look how gross I look, and you say, oh, no, you look fine, you know right then that you're lying. No, you are crazy because all the time you always go, Jay, that is a horrible picture of me. Well, because they are. And I'm like, you're out of your mind. Does your mic sound better? Uh, ooh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what happened? I just turned it up. Oh. Woods, you too? A little bit, yeah. Yeah. What happened? Didn't have it turned up enough. There you go.

1:45:56Maybe that's a problem. They're resetting our system. All right, I'll text them and tell them. 23 years in the business, pal. Was I down because of the incorporator? Maybe, yeah. Okay, yeah, now it sounds fine. Oh, good, Jeremy. Happy 23rd, buddy. Yeah, 23 years have been done right now. He was down too? Yeah. He sounded just fine to me. Lauren still sounds different to me. I do sound slightly weird. No, I don't. I had to take the headphone off. Your microphone wasn't turned up enough. I started doing this when 1987 I started doing this. I was two. I was 12. It's closing biz real good. No, you weren't. I know. You're wishing. I closed a little bit. At 12? No. Oh, man. That's gross. Bill. There's like three engineers in here. There's three engineers in here. I'm pulling out all the stops out here. Let's get this together. Let's figure it out. They're like, no, I'm pretty sure there's no problem. Still sounds a little funny to me. Amazing. But maybe I'm just looking for it now. They're counting. Right now. Now? Oh, hi. There she is. Now it sounds good. 5701949 is our number. Let's do Ask the Dudes. Yeah, let's do Ask the Dudes. Yeah. All right, so here's how you do it.

1:47:21You call us if you're a girl and you want to ask me, Woods, or Jay a question. Now, what you have to remember is we're going to be very honest with you. These are the types of questions that the girls can ask. So what is the deal definitively, guys? What is your opinion on breasts? I like them. In. Breast size, that kind of deal. All sizes work. Guys, definitively, what is the deal with girls and their weight? I have one. What? What do you guys think about dark eye makeup on girls? Sexy. Well, what are we talking about? Like some girls do the heavy dark eye makeup like all the Kardashians. They always have really heavy eye makeup on. Depends on the girl because obviously they can pull it off. Yeah. I like a girl that can go without. I like the goth. See, but when it's too much, it's scary. You can never say that though. You can't say definitively, right? Because there's some girl, if you did it, I wouldn't like it because I'm used to seeing you like Sienna. I would like it.

1:48:16What? Have her try it. Do you have something that you can make your eyes dark right now? Oh, I have a little bit of eyeliner on. I can go heavy. Darken it up. Let me see what it looks like. I'll have to go out and put eyeshadow on and everything. Yeah, but we like our sienna like we like our sienna. Well, I come in normally with zero makeup on looking like dirt. You look great. And natural. Both of you are classic beauties. Yeah, if you came in wearing a lot of makeup, it would look like you were a hooah. But there's some girls that do the heavy makeup in it every day to day. No, not every day. Yeah, there are. I mean, I'm saying I just don't like it every day. I like a natural girl, but then if we go out someplace special and all of a sudden you've done something different, I'm like, oh, I'll end. I don't like when Rebecca does stuff different. You don't like when she gets fancy? I don't like when she wears makeup in a way I'm not used to. See, this is the way I know Rebecca. I know daily Rebecca makeup. I know going out Rebecca makeup. If she tries something new, I'm like, oh, wait, who's that? Really? Yeah. Really? What's going on here? Do you like when girls coordinate the color of their eyeshadow to what they're wearing? If you believe that a man ever notices that. Yeah, you're crazy. I always wear the same. I'm very sorry. I wear the same. 570-1949, we're looking for women to call, and you can ask any question. You can ask questions about men and why we think the way that we do. You can ask questions about the clothing that you wear.

1:49:42You can ask questions about the way that men think about lingerie, the way that we think about underwear. I have another one. Go ahead. Now, every guy has a favorite meal that their wife or girlfriend makes, right? How often should that wife make that meal? Great. Great question. Question. Yeah. Because I think once every week, because I know he likes it. Is that too much? For A, you're nominated for question of the year. Mikey, when you answer, you have to give your favorite meal and how often you would prefer it. And how often you get it. Done. It's a three-parter. Okay, here's the answer. The meal is shake and bake pork chops. And what do you always put with it? Horseradish. Horseradish and ketchup. Cocktail sauce. What's the side dish that you always say? Mac and cheese. Okay, mine is shake and bake pork chops, I believe with mashed potatoes. But it's whatever Rebecca makes it with. She makes it with something. Oh, I know what she makes it with. She makes it with twice-baked potatoes. Oh. Mamacita. So good you have to bake it twice. So how often? Once a month. You get it once a month or that's what you want? That's what I want. Okay. Really? So it's still like a special occasion, but it is?

1:51:06Pretty often. Yeah, and she was asking me something similar to this the other day because she said, would you rather have this or this? And I told her, and she goes, do you not like that other thing? And I go, eh, we could phase it out for a while. And she goes, you don't like it. And I go, I do like it. If you don't tell us because we're done making it. Yeah. It's a pain to us if you don't like it. See, I don't have enough in my repertoire. I'd have to make it like once every three weeks with the favorite. She had zero in her repertoire. Kim brought cookbooks. Kim could burn water when I met her. Me too. Rebecca's become a good cook. Oh, man. But she thought a baked potato was putting it in water. When you guys like one of our meals. If you tell us, we love you. Kim's got stuff now, but I love her turkey meatloaf. So good. Once a month would be perfect. Mine's pot roast mashed potatoes, cream cheese pie. Cream cheese pie? Yeah, I'd like it bi-monthly. Do you notice a trend here? What? That I'm fat? We all like very basic meat and potatoes. See, women...

1:52:16make a mistake sometimes. I think that they think that we, you know, that they all do well by us by doing something fancy. Although I do dig the, she does these asparagus spears and she puts, just pan fries them and then with almonds, like sliced almonds on it. Oh, it's so good. That's a side. That's not a meal. But I eat it with it. It's like the two things together. Two things together. She will, too. That's the way she blows it. She'll just make one thing, and I'm like, hey, can we get multiple dishes here? Maybe you make dinner, Jack. Oh, I do all the time. I made chicken and dumpling turkey and dumplings, and I'm making that today for you guys. Love you. I love you. Take that back completely. Thank you. Thank you. I forgot about that. 570-1949 is our number. It's Ask the Dudes. So, ladies, you can call right now. Can I ask? Yeah. I have two fashion ones. Okay. Number one. The, like, capri pants where, or even leggings where, like, part of the calf is showing. Mm-hmm. What do you guys think about those? Out. Out. Out. How do you guys hate those? I wear them every day, just about. Guys hate those. But you don't show skin. And here's the deal, Sienna. I wear my boots. Sienna. Hot. Oh, that is the exception. Sexy. Yeah. Yeah. If you wear those and then you put boots over them, especially Uggs, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sue me.

1:53:37Sorry. I'm in. I'm out. I'm in on the Uggs now. Love it. Yes, you're in on the Uggs. I can't take boots. I can't take boots. You can't take boots? I don't like boots at all. No, I love boots. See... Sienna does these, like, horse... Horish boots? No. Don't you have, like, these horse crop boots, like, brown... I'm wearing brown boots right now. Yeah, but it's a different one I'm talking about. Don't you have some that look like... Oh, yeah, they're heels. Yeah, and they look like equestrian. Yeah. Sexy. Are you asking me a question? A question? What is your other one? It's on the same wavelength. The skinny jeans. Matt hates my skinny jeans. Agree. But with boots on, he likes them. Yeah. Jamie has some. And the other night we were going out to dinner with you. And she goes, hey, babe, what do you think this outfit? And I go, yeah, cool. And she goes, what? You hate it? I go. It looks very 1980-ish. Just say we want you in the nicest way possible to tell us you don't like it. She wore it anyway. She wore it anyway. They don't really want to hear. She's peed about it. Aren't you mad though, Sienna? No. I'm telling you, when I know that Todd doesn't like something I wear, I feel like if I walk out the door, I feel like an idiot.

1:54:52I'm like, I look like an idiot. Everyone's judging. Everyone's judging. I want to know what he thinks because I value his opinion. So why ask me if you're going to wear it anyway? It's so rare that Rebecca says to me, what do you think of this? She says it every once in a while, but she very rarely asks. You better tell the truth. I'm always honest. Why do guys not like a little bit of calf showing? It's lame. It's lame. But isn't it better than none? No, it's lame. They don't care about calves. It's a little bit of cleave. You know the look I'm into? The businesswoman with the skirt on with the boots. I love the skirt and the boots. I don't know if I've seen that. Nothing greater. I don't know if I've ever seen that. Businesswoman with a skirt and boots. I'm saying a salesgirl. Not anyone in particular. I'm not a creep. With, like, a skirt on and the high, like, black boots. And no leggings showing skin. Oh, mamacita. There's nothing crazy or sexy than that look. That's a great look. I'm going to go buy something just like that. It's awesome. Because you guys said that. I agree. But we can't wear that in here. No, no. But, like, for dinner. Listen. Ew. Listen. If women... Women should know universally that men like...

1:56:06boots. Like high. He said boots with a T. Jay says he doesn't like them. I don't like them. Makes him crazy. Jay's a clown. I love that. I almost wore this pair of boots today and I was like, they're all going to clown on me because they have like a little bit of a heel. And I was like, I can't wear heels. I've stopped caring what these guys really think. Jay just called her Peter Pan. Jay, what's sexy then? Sandals. Heels. I do like flip-flops. Helen Mirren is sexy. Jessica Tandy is sexy. Betsy Ross did it right. Oh, my gosh. Cleopatra wore this thing. Sally Field. Now, that's a handsome woman. Pumps. We just called her Frog. Let's see. This is M1 Sam from San Diego, and she's calling for Ask the Dudes. This is a segment where girls, you call us and ask us. We're going to give you an honest answer. Go ahead, Sam. Hi, I was just wondering why do some guys say it's going to take them a while until they say I love you? Because it's going to take them a while. They are not the type that say I love you easily. They're not like Mikey and Woods. Yeah, those words have never come out of my mouth. Because if I love somebody, I tell them right away. Me too. There are guys that take a while. Yeah.

1:57:28There was a time in our period where he did say it, and he also asked me to marry him, and I said I wasn't ready. So, I guess. Yeah, but you obviously have had some guys that do this, right? Tell me that they're not ready? Yeah. It's going to take a while? Yeah. No. Well, why were you asking? Well, the guy now, she's saying. Oh, the guy now? Because I felt really strongly. I was the one that wanted to say it, but I was nervous. So in the conversation, I just asked him. I was like, how come I never hear you say that you love me? What did he say? He says, well, he said, you want me to say that? He was kind of surprised, actually. How long have you been dating? It's been off and on. It was never like serious, serious.

1:58:25Five years. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Five years he had not said, I love you? But it's been long distance. I've either been in a relationship or he's been in a relationship. Why would a man that is in a relationship say, I love you? Well, that's true. That's true. How old are you? I am 30. Now, are you both out of relationships right now? Yeah, we are. But we live in different cities. This sounds like a friends with benefits thing. Does it? Like when you guys see each other, you hook up, but you've never been exclusive. Have you ever met face to face? No, seriously. Is he in prison? Do you write to him in prison? So when you guys meet face to face, is it a hookup thing? You guys have sex? Mikey, that's a little... Does he tell his wife that he loves her? Yeah. Okay, so you do have sex? Yeah, we do. You do. And it's been five years of this sort of on-again, off-again relationship, and he hasn't said, I love you. He did. Like I said before, he has told me that he loved me, and he asked me to marry him before. I would be concerned, honestly, and I'm being... This is a gut reaction, a gut feeling I have. I would be...

1:59:51weary that he has a girlfriend. No, he doesn't. Or a wife. Trust me, he doesn't. No, I don't trust him. I may trust you, but I don't know you very well. I don't trust him. Him. I don't trust him. And I know, see, what guys are really good at is getting girls to believe them. Yeah, manipulation. The good ones. You know, the good ones that are good at lying about it. They can make you think. In fact, they make you feel it so strongly that you go, oh, nah, you don't know. Trust me. You don't know this guy. You know how many women have said about me when I was a scoundrel? I mean, just an awful scoundrel. You don't know him. Trust me. And you know why they said that? Because they were like, this is a fat, not very attractive guy. Believe me. I'm the best this guy's ever had. He's not messing around on me. Do you know how many girls I had to sell to go out with me? Because of what they'd heard or what they thought they heard or what they thought was true. I had to sell them. You had to convince them. And I was everything that they thought. If he has a girlfriend outside of you or if he doesn't, you deserve to be told that he loves you after five years. So just put yourself first. I mean, I'm the type that gets scared and I run away. Say that again. There's been so many times in my life that I've been scared or I've ran away from the situation.

2:01:14I recommended a book last week called He's Scared, She's Scared. Okay, yeah. Actually, I've heard of that. I need to pick that up. Yep, pick it up. I will definitely read that. You ever been married? Have you ever been married? No, neither has he. How old is he? How old is he? How old is he? He's 75. He's hard of hearing. Not important. This man that we're talking about. Dear Edgar is 81 years of age. That bums me out. I hate hearing that. Like, we've been together five years, he hasn't said it. But they're not together. But you need to put yourself first in the relationship. When you're not married, like... It sounds like he said it, though, but he just is saying he's the type of person that just doesn't say it that often because it's hard for him to say. It sounds like he's got a girlfriend background. But no, he... Okay, listen, break it down. He said it. He asked her to marry him. She said no. So he's like, screw you, I'm not saying it again. You know, look what happened to me last time.

2:02:13It's a little odd, too, that asking to marry and they don't live in the same place. Yeah. That's weird. But they get together and have sex. I hope she figures it out. She sounded cute, though. She did. Well, she didn't sound 30. Uh-uh. She sounded 19. Yeah. Even better. What? Did you just say even better? No, I said I like butter. He said I like butter. He does like butter. 570-1949. I bathed myself in butter. He said eating butter. Are we real late? Eating butter. Oh, yeah. That's what I said. We know that. We've been late all day. I am not going to stop. I wonder if we're pregnant. Yeah, we're totally pregnant. I hope not. I hope they marry us. I refuse to stop doing this bit. I want to keep doing it. Ask the dudes. Ask the dudes. I like this bit. I do too. It's fun. I hope guys like it. Yeah. Next time don't wear a bra. 570. What does that mean? My advice. 194.9. Does anyone understand what Jay just said? I have no idea. Hey, you guys. Does anyone have a clue what Jay was just talking about? He might have Alzheimer's. I don't know what the deal is.

2:03:25Exactly. Take your panties. Christmas Muse? Love that. That's December 1st. True story. Off the air right now, I was going to say the word freaking, and the F word started to come out. Wow. And I caught it at the U, and I was like... Covered your mouth up. We all were. Yeah. And I mean, I'm telling you, I don't use that word. And so it was like a... It scared me. It was like a... Fudgesicle. Yeah. But I mean, it was starting to come out, you know, and I don't say that word. I do say freaking. Yeah. And we were having a very spirited debate. I don't even know what was it about. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

2:04:35Fine. I don't care that it isn't a popular decision or a popular opinion. I think Val Kilmer is a tool in the movie Tombstone. I'm blown away. I think he stinks in that role. And I think that he plays Doc Holliday dorky. And Woods goes, I'm your Huckleberry. I go, dumb. That's what I said. I said, I'm your Huckleberry. I'm your Huckleberry. I said, I'm your Huckleberry. That's just my game. In that overdone accent. I'm your hook, bro. Really? With the fake accent? This is what Lauren and I sit through every day. Every guy. This is a guy movie. This is a guy movie. Tombstone, huge guy movie. Brilliant movie. He's brilliant in it. You are a clown. You are all on your own, Mikey. Bro, literally, on your own, on a boat, by yourself, in the middle of the Mexican ocean. I know it. And I knew when I said it, as soon as I said it, I knew I was going to take fierce opposition. Fierce. Fierce. And I did. Bro, if you boil it down to that one line, kind of a clownish line. But good. Ridiculously. I mean, he delivers it great. The rest of the movie. Fake accent. Dumb, like, fake accent. He is so. Dude, he looks.

2:05:56He looks great. Ill. He looks like he's dying. He looks like he's dying. Yeah. Maybe you guys ease up before an F-bomb gets dropped. He looks great. He's brilliant in that movie. Brilliant. This is probably his best role. Not his best role. His best role is in the movie Heat. Yes. Chris, you're hairless. Yeah, he plays that role good. He's great in that. That's Tombstone's number two then. But Kurt Russell is great in every inch of film that he has ever shot. Ever. In the history of mankind. In every movie? Every movie. In fact, one of the movies that I think he's the greatest in, Woods refuses to see. What? The Thing. I've seen it when I was a kid. I told you. It's great. This is a guy thing. Girls do not talk about things like this. Kurt Russell is the man. He is the man. I love that guy. I'm so bored by a conversation like this. Now, if we were talking about...

2:06:52Tampons and stuff. No. Oh my gosh. Did you see? Have you tried the new Maxi Pearls? They're the best. Flannel pads are so much better. If we were talking about Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore. You're so out of touch. Oh my gosh. Who's the girl in Sweet Home Alabama? Reese Witherspoon. I don't care. No, no one cares. Girls don't compare girl actors or even movies for that matter. Guys will talk about guy movies, man. I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing we can throw out there and we can keep talking about. Anne Hathaway is annoying. Yes, Anne. I agree with you. She's terrible. She's an angel. That's perfect for Jay. That's Jay's type. What do you mean it's my type? Plain Jane Hathaway. Big boobs. She's won me over a little bit. Because I think she's very honest. I heard an NPR interview with her yesterday and she was trying to sound just so smart. Excuse me, let me take that back. The girl that was listening to NPR was making an observation about how somebody was sounding very smart. I wasn't listening to NPR in my car so I could be like, hey everyone on the freeway, I'm listening to NPR.

2:08:06I like to listen to talk radio. NPR? I like music. What are you, 60? I like to listen to talk radio. She was getting interviewed, and she was like, and there's been talks about both of things. Excuse me. Either thing happening. Oh. And I was like, I want to punch you across that area. I like smart women. She's smart, but she tries so hard. That's the thing, LLB. M1 Ron from El Cajon. Go ahead. Oh, hey. Yeah. I was going to tell you, the movie Tombstone, everybody in that movie was so fantastic. It was all over the top. At the same time, they made a movie called Wyatt Earp with Kevin Costner. Yeah, I know. That was boring. Terrible. I agree. Listen, if you've got to take the Pepsi challenge between Wyatt Earp and Tombstone, Tombstone wins. But Tombstone was the less realistic looking of the two. The more good one? Yeah, the more good one. Yes. Doesn't make sense. The English major. You sure do go heeled for a man getting... What's that? Say it. What does he say? You sure do run your mouth for a man who don't go heels. Don't need to go heels to get the bulge on a dub like you. Is that right? That's right. Is that a fact? That's a fact. You know what, mister? I'm getting mighty tired of you. I'm getting tired of your gas. Now jerk that pistol and go to work. Ah! Yeah, I love that scene. Do we have that somewhere? Mm-mm. I can get it. I'm going to go watch it today. Let's see.

2:09:36M1 Lance from Carlsbad. Thank you, Sean. How's it going? Good. Well, first off, thanks for being on the radio. You guys make my morning awesome every morning. Thank you. Yeah, talking about Tombstone, I can't believe anybody could. Not like Val Kilmar. Exactly. Yeah, there you go. It's so, it makes no sense to me. That's like saying, I don't like to see naked girls. I like Val Kilmar as Batman. He's great at Batman. That's like saying, I don't like to see naked girls. Yeah. Fake accent. Terrible acting. Isn't everybody that does an accent do a fake accent? Yeah. Okay. Over the top accent. Over the top, I can tell you're doing a big old fake accent, Val. That's what I could tell. He was so good in it. And see, here's the deal. How the hell do we know what Doc Holliday talked about? It's not like he was doing JFK. I'm not trying to say that he wasn't Doc Holliday. He was Doc Holliday. It was cartoonish. Everyone feels that way, too. I think it was cartoonish. Everyone in the world. Mike Esparza stands alone. I don't know, though. I've seen Val Kilmer be real bad in movies. Oh, me too. I would believe him. Me too, but he was great in that.

2:10:52A famous, real quickly, because I want to run through this story real quick. A publicist, a female, right? Yeah. Was murdered in Los Angeles. Yeah, Ronnie Chasen. Very famous. Yeah, very famous Hollywood publicist. And this was after the premiere of, oh, what's the movie that just came out with Christina Aguilera? Burlesque. Yeah, weird that you know that. I like trivia. Wood. Burlesque. I like wood. Burlesque. Wood. No, this is a sad story. This was about two weeks ago. She was leaving the premiere late at night and was shot through her car. Now, the police have no idea who did this, don't know why they did this, but she was killed and just came out that the cameras at that intersection were disabled. Professional job. I mean, that's what you have to think. I read yesterday, Sienna, that they used a hollow print bullet, too, which is, I mean, that's going to cut through. It's business. It's business. But why? If they're going to go through the trouble of disabling cameras, why not do it in a spot where there wasn't going to be a camera in the first place? Because they're moving. Easier to get away. They're moving. They're in a car. They can drive. I know, but there's plenty of intersections that don't have cameras. And there's a lot of cars around, so you don't know where it came from, maybe?

2:12:06No, they had this thing staked out. They knew she was going to be leaving this premiere, taking a ride on Sunset or whatever, coming up to that light, and they were like, that's a spot. It's totally professional. Here's the question. The question that everybody obviously would want to know is, what did she know? Obviously she knew something. I'll tell you what, it's lending a little credibility. to somebody that we've talked about. Whackers? The Star Whackers. Oh my God! You think that got them all thinking? The Star Whackers, bro. Hey, they're obviously whacking people out in Hollywood. She's not a star. Bro, she's like the biggest, she's like one of the biggest publicists in the biz. And who knows more, who knows more than a publicist? Oh boy. Who keeps people- So who are all the other famous stars that have been shot? I don't know about shot, but I'm starting to believe. Yeah, the Quades were talking about, what's his name? Heath Ledger. Heath Ledger. That that was an inside job. I believe Cousin Eddie did. They're saying Lindsay Lohan. I'm believing Cousin Eddie on this one. I gotta go with him. I think Cousin Eddie may have lost his mind. Mashup with Michael Jackson and Rick Astley. What MJ song is that? Is that? Smooth Criminal. Smooth Criminal. About Foo Fighters and Guns N' Roses.

2:14:45That's rad. That's great. How great is that? I love that. I love mashups. I love them. Rachel. You should tell. God bless you. I thought she was an actress. Turns out she's not an actress. She's most well known because they think that she had sex with Tiger Woods. That's how I know her, yeah. That's how people know her, right? She was on Celebrity Rehab, though, for sex addiction. I went on the show because I knew at the time that I needed help. And I didn't know exactly what was going on with me, but I knew that I needed help and I wanted to get it from Dr. Drew. It's been very tough. You know, I became a recluse for about six months and that was very difficult for me. And then I chose to go on celebrity rehab. And since then, you know, I've really changed the path in my life. Wait a minute. It was really difficult being a recluse.

2:16:31But weren't you a recluse before you had sex with Tiger Woods? Because I didn't know who Rachel Uchitel was. Yeah, no one did. And I thought that if it has celebrity rehab, I thought you had to be a celebrity. Well, they use that term loosely, Mike. Celebrity. Like, there's a guy on there now. I heard an interview with Dr. Drew yesterday. There's a guy on there now that was on the hills for a year. Jason Waller. Yeah, I mean, they use it very loosely. Very loose. But they've had some. I was listening to some of the success stories from that show. Yeah. Guys like Tom Sizemore who were train wrecks. Yeah. You know, hurtling towards the ground. Doing great. They really get clean on that. Dude, a lot of guys. Steve-O from Jackass got clean. All these guys. And they said Dr. Drew and his staff know what they're doing. That's great. Isn't that awesome? Yeah. That's great. Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire. Yeah, this is Lars from Calica, man. And you're listening to...

2:17:39The Mikey Showman. It's freaking great. Sienna is going to tell you how much the items in the 12 days of Christmas would cost you in the year 2010. I won't believe it. Partridge in a pear tree, maids milking, all that stuff. Irish guy. Yeah. Better than every country singer out there now. He's an Irish guy. I should have known that this love would never last. I see it clearly through the whiskey in my glass. That's the autograph you want to get. We do this every year. Talk about what it costs to buy the items that are in the 12 days of Christmas. It changes every year because the economy. Things cost more, whatever. So we'll be doing that in just a second. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB.

2:19:52That's Sienna. And that's Jay. And screening phones for us today is Will. It's Will. Willie. It's Will. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, do you guys want to know who the hosts for the Oscars this year are? Yes. Lauren, you like one and you don't like the other. Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway. And? Ving Rhames. Ving Rhames. Jay Singh. Michael Beck. James Franco. You said you liked him, right? I love James Franco. So the two of them, and people are like, why are they the most? It's the best they can do? They're saying that they're like the up-and-coming actors. They both have had really big roles. Oh, James Franco is in that one big movie that's coming out. 127, 127 Hours. Yeah, they're saying he's crazy good in that movie. He looks like it's really good. Yeah, that movie looks so good. Yeah, it does. Is that the one that based on a real story? Yes. The guy fell into the... Cravasse. Cravasse. He had to break his arm off. He had to cut his arm. Cut it off. With a knife. He had a video camera there and he was filming himself.

2:20:43Oh, crazy. I can't wait to see that. The Oscars this year are February 27th, my one-year wedding anniversary. Also, hundreds of previously unknown Picassos were just found in France. The 71-year-old guy tried to turn them in and get them authenticated. I want a Picasso right now. What happened to my 71 Picassos? 270. So this guy turns him in to try to find out how much they're worth, and it kind of had a twist to it. He's now being slapped with a lawsuit because the artist's son, Picasso's son, And five other heirs say that all these works were stolen. So this game may be some trouble. Picasso's son is still alive? Yeah, apparently so. Yes, I am. Claude Picasso. 422. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? I can't paint a lick, but... Well, the BCS Buster Supreme TCU is switching conferences. They are now going to be in the Big East. Wow. Very exciting. I guess they're good. Yeah, and then the Colorado Rockies are... doing something they probably need to do. They're locking up Troy Tulewitzki for a huge, huge deal. They're going to give him a seven-year extension worth $134 million. Oh, wow. Seven years, 134. That's a lot of money. Congrats to him. Let's see. I'm going to go to our homepage, MikeyShow.com, and there is a timer there for the Mikeython 2010.

2:22:11for Rady Children's Hospital. And we have 15 days, 20 hours, and 50 minutes remaining. Wow. Until Mikeython 2010 will be broadcasting for 28 straight. And it's all to raise money for Rady Children's Hospital and their ADI, their Autism Discovery Institute. And it's going to be a real shindig. Now, we don't need to be here the whole 28 hours, right? No. Oh, yes, you do. Yeah, I mean, we say, but we don't really have to be here for the whole 28 hours. We do. I've got to sit here for 28 hours. I'll be here, but for eight hours I'll be sleeping. And then I'll sleep. And then you sleep a little. So you don't run the show. We all do.

2:22:5728 straight hours. That couldn't be. And just in case anybody is thinking that there's any shenanigans, you can call us at any point during that broadcast. Or come down and camp out to show your support. That's right. Come down and flash us, even. Yeah. Guys and girls. Guys. Wait, no, no. That's gross. That was weird. Was that weird? Yeah, a little bit. You know, married guy and all. Still a guy, though. Yeah, you know. What's happening? Yeah, I mean, but, you know. Still a guy. Maybe just look at your own wife's. Well, she's at work. Boy, I can get away with a lot more now. Just watch out. She's not listening? She can't listen four hours a day, and she doesn't podcast. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Doesn't she? Maybe she does. She's at work right now listening online. Yeah, she's at work. Just wait until you see what the kid brings out of the old bag of tricks. He was so nice to her last night. First day of work for her. She came home. Kid had cleaned the house. Wow. Bottle of wine. Wow. dinner. What'd you make? I made grilled chicken, I made rice, and I made green beans. Wow. Maybe it was Rice-A-Roni. It's her favorite broccoli al gratin. It's a San Francisco treat. He went to the grocery store. He rearranged their pantry. What kind of bad stuff did you buy at the grocery store that she wouldn't buy you? I went all health. Back on the kick. What happened to my friend Steve Woods? He's here. He's around. I like that one. I bought chicken, I bought yogurt, I bought...

2:24:25I bought like healthy fruit bars because I got to have something sweet. I have to. So I got the healthy. Yeah, I need my chicken. You got her flowers. I got her flowers. So the cool thing was is that when she walked in, everything was done. I wasn't like stirring the rice. It was her plate was made. The table was set. Flowers, wine, the whole bit. That's great. I would cry. Then I played a little bit for her later. Oh my God. A little concert. That's so nice. Yeah. That's a good husband. Top that. It's a good husband. Gents. I thought you were going to say Todd. I'm like, hope you're listening. Top that, Todd and Matt. No, he's home with a baby. He's doing a good job. Take care of business that night. Come on, dude. It's private. So no. So no. God. Why does she keep her socks on? That's a deal breaker. Oh, my gosh. That's a deal breaker? Oh, yeah. Agreed. Socks on? Agreed. Disgusting. Sexy. No. You want to keep some heels on? Sure. Sexy socks. That's disgusting. Am I weird? Yes. That's weird. That's disgusting. It's one thing if you're like, I don't really care, but to say sexy is a little weird. It's repugnant. It's repugnant. Yeah, totally. I would also like to further point out that Jay refers to the spiky things that women wear as heels. They're heels. You have your heels on? She wore her heels.

2:25:55I like that better. Hills. Got a nice pair of hills. Got a nice pair of hills. You guys are just going to put him on the skir all day long? Yeah. Put poor Jay on the skir. Skir? Skir. Is he on the skir? Skir. Poor guy. I love it. A little hay seed. I'll own it. Yesterday we went to lunch at Kehlani's. Oh, yeah. And we were leaving and I pulled up at a red light next to Woods and I was talking to my wife on the phone. And I and so he had his window rolled down and I rolled my window down. And Rebecca said, ask him if he's ever pretended to be bad Blake from the movie Crazy Heart in his vehicle because they drive the same vehicle. Suburban. Suburban. And so I go Woods. Have you ever pretended to be Bad Blake in that car? And he goes, a thousand percent. What do you have to do to pretend? Well, if you see the movie. The jug of pee? Yeah, you got to pee in a bottle. No. Bad Blake drives around a Suburban with his shirt off. Oh, belt undone. Yeah. So Woods, at this stoplight at the corner of Encinitas Boulevard. Oh, boy. And the 101 takes his shirt off, smoking a cigarette.

2:27:18puts his hand up on the steering wheel and starts driving with his, and you can see people like literally. Everywhere. It was freezing. It was freezing. And so people are like, I mean, if he did that in the summer, it would look a little strange. No, I love when the guys are driving with their shirts off. Wow, you'd love Texas. Yeah. You'd love PB. Yeah, you'd love PB. Yeah, yesterday it was 30 degrees outside. Woods is driving, smoking a cigarette with no shirt on. Way to go, boy. Did it all the way to Lacadia. Did you have the headlights on? Yeah, you know that. They're always on. And Mike was rolling in this car. Couldn't believe he did that. M1, Chris from Oceanside. What's up? Hey, what's up, man? You guys are awesome. Thank you, bro. I forget what I'm going to say sometimes. That's awesome. Anyway, thanks for the best birthday present ever, bro. My birthday is December 17th. Nice. You've got to come down. I will be. So, hey, you know what? My son's 10, high-functioning autistic as well. And I'm broke, but I really want to donate something to the cause. Anyway, I could maybe donate some time on the 16th to do something.

2:28:33You know, Jay can keep your number. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, Jay can keep your number, and if he needs you for anything, then he can let you know. I'll shoot him an email, and then he can catch up. Right on, bro. Thanks, man. Thanks, Chris. Hey, glad to hear you back. Good to hear your velvety pipes back on. That's right. Thank you so much, Chris. Velvety pipes. Hey, LRB. Hmm? That guy that tweeted you that said you're, I thought you were supposed to be a comedian? Yeah. Dude, he plays, like, Xbox 12 hours a day. Aw, thanks, Chris. I agree. You're ridiculously funny. Thank you. You're hilarious. I love you. She's very funny. Okay, Jay, I'll shoot you an email. Thanks, man. Thanks, dude. No love for Woods. That's fine. Wood. Wood. Wood, you're great. I love you, Wood. I love you, Wood. Wood. I don't have to. Some people don't like me. I don't like some people. Chris liked you. He just didn't say anything. We like everyone. Poor guy's in a... call back and be all... I'm sorry! I love wood. I love wood. I love wood of wisdom. Wood, wood, wood, wood. Alright, so Sienna, let's hear what these things for the 12 days of Christmas, what do they cost? Well, let me just tell you first that there's a 10.8% increase in cost from last year. Wow. This year...

2:29:48Everything would cost a total of $96,824. Now, among these things, they're talking the gold prices have gone up. That's why the increase from last year. Tell me about it. Yeah. Driving the cost of five gold rings has gone up 30%. Exactly. Five golden rings. I just call them rings. What other kind is there? I don't know how to do Sienna's work. I don't know how to do Marlon Black. He's out of Eskimo. Oh, my gosh. I am going to, speaking of my voice, I have audio. I'll have to play it for you, of me singing to Sage and her singing along. And it's like. I have it on my phone. I'll play it for you later. Twas the night before. Merry Christmas! I know. The price of turtle doves has gone up 78.6%. To what? Do they say? They don't say? It doesn't say, no. How do you put a price on Lords of Leaping? Because you have to rent them. Yeah.

2:30:47How do you rent lords? You go into the phone book. Yeah, you Google it. And you're like, lords of leaping. I want to rent them for a party I'm having. Lords. Lords of leaping are us. Hello. This is a lord. My name is Bill. I'm a lord. Yeah. Sorry, all the lords are out leaping right now. House of lords leaping. I can leap. I can dance. I can juggle. It says there was a 233% jump in the cost of French hens, and the most expensive item on the list was a $6,294 to hire nine ladies dancing. Oh, wow. I made the milking. I can get nine ladies dancing for a lot cheaper than $6,000, I'll tell you that. The cheapest things on the list was $12 for a partridge. That's it? Aw, little partridge. Poor little partridge. I know. $12 for partridge in a pear tree. Oh, no, it's a pear tree. They're not added in there. No. That's it, guys. Almost $100,000 for the 12 days of Christmas. Sold. Let's see. 5701949 is our number. And you can give us a call. I had something earlier that I wanted to do. Was it break? Charades? Do we have to break? Yeah. We do? We don't have to, but... Pays bills. Yeah.

2:32:06But it pays the Beals, as Jay would say. There's a reason you should be washing your clothes before you wear them. And we'll tell you what it is. Woods, when you read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, what was your favorite part of it? I didn't. You said yesterday on Twitter that you knew what the book was. Not on Twitter. I mean on Facebook. All right. I'm going to break this down for you. And I'm going to make it in real simple terms so that you can understand. But I'm not dumb. I'm not saying you're dumb. Well, why would you have to break it down in simple terms? Naive a little bit. Naive? Yeah. You're a sweet kid. You're a sweet kid, Mike. But that means that, you know, yeah, like I don't understand. Yeah, you didn't. You missed the whole bit. The brilliance of the bit. But I could hear it in your voice. You couldn't hear it in my voice. Oh, that's right, because you wrote it. Correct.

2:33:26And a guy that has known me for 10 plus years, I would think that he would understand. One of the things that I know about you is that you pretend to not like something or like something when in reality you actually do or don't. That's the wood I know. That's the wood that I know. Not with nerdy stuff like that. So like Twilight. My wife made me watch it. Oh yeah, right. Got it. Taylor Swift. So I thought it would be funny when you posted that Rebecca wants all three books. What is the first one called? She wants the first one. Okay. That she wants the first one. It would be nerdy if she wanted all three. Right. Well, when I saw the people above you write Sorcerer's Stone, I thought you would see me when I, because I had no idea what it was called. I wrote Sorcerer's Stone, and I thought you would die laughing. I did. That I chimed in. I did. But you laughed for the wrong reason. Yeah, I laughed because I thought, Woods knows. And the reason he knows is because he must have read it. Never. Never would I read it. I couldn't get to the first page. Here in Dumbledore, the elfin warrior. Get, dude. Come on. So how do we know when you're telling the truth? Especially on Facebook. He's like, I should have gotten the inclination. You should have gotten my sarcasm. It was sarcasm. I guess I should have put insert sarcasm here. I'll do that.

2:34:53From now on. And you, I noticed, made a big to-do about it. I did. I got you the Harry Potter rap and everything. You have until the beat stops. Oh, yeah. Dark Lord. I'm the darkest dark wizard in all of history. I'll slay your ass out like Cedric Diggory. With a wave of my finger, I'll put you on the floor. You was a punk-ass little kid without Dumbledore. I'm the best wizard rapper you ever will see. You're a pee-wee witch midget with a dead mommy. I've got multiple souls and can raise the dead. If you think you can win, then you've been sorely misled. Oh, my God. Sing it. You was a big bald fairy. You think I'm scared of you? I smoked a basilisk and I'll smoke you, too. I got witches in class. you can't touch me son I drive magic cars I dish out big hurt you just pass out little scars yeah

2:35:59Poor little Harry. You're such a darling lad. Do you miss your uncle, your mom, your dad? Ooh, that's right, I killed them. Your little owl, too. All your friends are next. I'll cut right through your poo. You look like Marcy from Peanuts and your wand is tiny. Is that why you couldn't close the deal with Hermione? My boys are called Death Eaters. They're black magic studs. They'll make you disappear. They don't care for mud plugs. You can never find me. It's like trying to catch smoke. You can't hide from me with your punk-ass cloak. You think you're invisible, but I can see through that. I'll roll up with my wand and go right away. Wow. Yep. A couple nerds and a rap offer. What is that? What is that? Yeah. It's Harry Potter. Is it from the movie? Yes. Uh-huh. Yep. It's from the third one. Yeah, everybody knows that. I don't remember the name of it. The Witch's Brew. The Witch's Brew. Harry Potter and the Witch's Brew. Where they rap. Prisoner of something. It was the one in the series where they got into rapping. Yeah. Casting spells. No mama jokes. What? Why me? Why am I the one in trouble?

2:37:29I see eyes. I'm in trouble, though. But he did, too. I asked a serious question. How come I'm in trouble? How come he's not in trouble? I already gave Jay the death stare. You did? I did. I was waiting for the laugh. I didn't get it. All I did was ask a question. Hey, where's that from? You asked if it was from... But then you followed it up. Then you followed it up. I said, where is that from? You said it's from the movie. No, no, no. You said, is that from the movie? I don't remember going down like that. You did. I was listening to the podcast. I got in trouble. Why not just tell the truth when the question is asked of you? So much more fun this way. Yes, it very much is. I can't. I struggle, L-O-B. I want to. Fine, I will. But then I think I'm going to sound self-conscious when I do it. I'm going to go like this. I'm going to go, no, it was not from the movie. You're going to sound like a jerk. No matter what I do, I sound like a jerk. Where is it from? It's from YouTube. Where is everything from? YouTube. Everything. I was practicing this very thing because every once in a while, L.O.B. will say, you know, she's gullible. She tells you. You call it gullible. I call it trusting. Charming. Trusting. I'm very trusting of people. That's right. I give people the benefit of the doubt because why would I think they would lie to me? Why would my friends clown on me? Why would a good friend of mine say?

2:38:58That he was born on the moon. That's a little hard question. You were born on the moon? And she will go, you're born on the moon? No. That is not a good example. You said that people say you look like Blossom. Yeah. That's a good example. So many people. That's much more believable. Holy cow. You saying this is from the third movie, which I've never seen? Believable. All right. Okay. And that is a take. That's a wrap. That's a wrap. You guys are nice. Come on, LLB. I can't see. I can't get out of it. Give us the fake laugh. No. That means she's real mad. Man. Everywhere I go, I come back to the scenes. And Sienna's not here to help me out because she's pumping. Pumpers like to pump. Pumpers like to pump. She would be making me...

2:40:00you know, comfortable by saying. She would be sticking up for me. She'd be sticking up for me. Me. No, she would say to you, she would say, L.O.B., you know that Mike comes off like a monster, yet he isn't one. You know that about him. L.O.B., you know that Mike is very kind and gentle, yet comes off like quite an a-hole. You know that inside he's kind. but outwardly appears to be a social moron. These are all true stories. What's Jay's excuse then? I'm just mean. He just can get away with it. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. Darkness on the Edge of Town. You bite your tongue. I didn't say anything. Yeah, how come he skates? You know all I have to do? I just have to mimic whatever he does. Woods didn't say anything about the Harry Potter thing. I know. I know. That's what I need to do. I'm just going to follow the leader. I'm going to follow the leader. I'm going to watch what you do, and I'm going to do it. Okay? I'm going to do it. Where's the fun in that? Get away with murder. I get filleted. You do not.

2:41:19I get filleted. You got the death stare. Those eyes, man. Those cutting blue eyes. She will take those steely blues and she will slice your head off. Cut you real good. Because when someone's asking you a genuine question, you should give them a genuine answer. It's true. True statement. But when I give the genuine answer, I am self-conscious that I sound like an A. And I do. Yes. I'd rather the truth than the... I'm not. I'm not doing. I'm doing what Woods does. She thought it was funny. I just look down. I go, oh. I can't do that. I'm not allowed to do that. All right. We're going to make a rule right now. Okay. The next time you, this is a rule, or if we don't follow this rule, $20 is the fee. Okay. You must be the first to talk. No way. Yes. No. I'm not following. I'm not signing up for that. What? The next time I say one of those things? So tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow when she does that. In five minutes. You're the first person to talk. No way. You must be. This is a new show rule. So if you talk first, you owe me 20 bucks. Yes. Deal. So you must talk first. Okay. Okay. He'll sugarcoat it. Yeah. And I will observe. Okay. Yeah, you need to watch and learn. Because I actually.

2:42:42Think while I'm driving home. How do I do that? How do I do that? She's an enigma, dude. How do I not seem like an A? It's a dance with her. She hates me because I seem like an A. But I can't help. I'm not even trying to be an A. And the truth is, Mike, you're not an A. You're a good guy. You're a good guy. But man, you seem like an A. I'd even think you were an A. But the way that you say it, you seem like an A. Yeah. You guys notice as soon as. We get off, take our headphones off. I already forgot. Yes. That's what I need to think, too. I don't think you're a-holes. All right. I got to stick up for myself, right? Yeah, I guess so. All right. You ready for this? We got new releases, but we need Sienna for this, right? No. You don't? I do it now. Wow. Kid does a lot. I'm still trying to remember. Under the radar. All right. I'm ready. Okay. All right. Well, don't act like it's a bad thing, dude. And you like it. I don't like it. The black guy pees at the beginning. Oh, great. Original. The record stopped, dude. The CD stopped. The CD stopped. I know after I hear it four times, I'm going to love it. Yeah, you'll be in. First go around, I don't, but after four times, I'll like it. Yeah, maybe write something original. Oh, wow. Flo Rida, Only One Flo, part one. Hello, man. Yeah.

2:44:31I think so. I like songs that sound like hits. And I hear a hit and I'm like that. I like slow riders' voice. And I know you've been waiting patiently for the new album from Miguel. All I Want Is You. Did you include this simply because his name was Miguel? Of course. I've never heard of him. And my name is Miguel? Yes. It's not a bad. It's like a baby face type song. No, it wasn't bad. Well, and this, I'm really excited about this. The new Slim Thug is out. The Thug Show. Had to edit this. Was there no, like, it's all hip-hop? You'll notice there's like 10 seconds of it. Pretty much. What else? Soulja Boy. Oh, wow. The Dionne Gray way. Not one rock record today? Anything else? All sounds the exact same. Every one of those songs might sound the exact same.

2:45:56These guys are good clubs? I mean, it reminds me of my Filipino skinny girlfriend in high school putting on her mascara in the mirror just listening to some Soulja Boy. Yeah. I have one new release. It's rock. You do? I like it. Let's cover Queens. This guy's new. This is dropping a day. New rock record. We will rock you. Rock you. We will rock you. We will rock you. That's right. That's a new one out today. New rock record. Cover of a lot of Queen songs. Yes. And finally, Jasmine Sullivan, Love Me Back, whoever that is. It all does sound the same. Well, and some DVDs, too. The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Yeah. Night and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. And Vampire Suck, which is a spoof on Twilight. Really? Which I'm protesting. Oh, boy. You hear about that kid in Wisconsin in high school took hostages yesterday? Very dramatic ending to that situation. I'll tell you about it next.

2:48:08I thought you were... Dude, it worked. I'm telling you. In high school, I thought you were good looking and cute. My freshman, sophomore year, I had the braces going. I had the wing down around the eye. And it still worked. I mean, I still got girls, but I see pictures. Now, you'll see it, and you'll be like, oh, boy. Paisley shirt. Sienna was showing us pictures of her sister, Waverly, who is 27 on a scale of 1 to 10. And she's 15. I swear. It's like part of me is glad because I've taught her a lot of things and like how to do her hair and stuff like that. But man, I really wish I didn't teach her any of those things. Yes. She's like weirdly beautiful. She's weirdly gorgeous. Yeah. Both of my sisters are very pretty. And we were talking about when we were in high school. Lauren goes, when I was in high school, I was like. Even the times when I was like, man, I look good. I look back at the pictures now. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was an idiot. I was a mullet wearing fatty. I had a full beard and my hair was winged. Oh, yeah. I'm on Rob from Washington. What's going on? Good.

2:49:25I was just calling to say how awesome you guys' show is. I know that people don't call from their cars and say how much they appreciate the show, but I call and say my appreciation. No, thank you, man. Love you. I appreciate that. That's very kind of you. Are you in Washington, Washington? I will actually be making the drive from San Diego, California to Bellingham, Washington in the dead of winter. My goodness. Watch out for the vampires up there. Yeah. That's where they live. Forks, Washington, and Twilight, totally misleading. Looks nothing like it. Oh, really? That's a real place, Forks? Most of that film is filmed in Oceanside, Oregon. Really? Oh. There you go. I gotta go to Oceanside, Oregon. A little trivia for you. La Push. That's where you're going? No, no, it's in Oregon. The beach. Did you say La Push? Yeah. It's the name of the beach. Wasn't that an 80s band? La Push It. It's that little Asian kid that always talks about La Push. La Push. Someone's a Twilight fan. Who does that? Who does that? In the movie, the Asian kid in the movie, he's like, let's go to La Push. La Push, baby. Is that the beach? Yeah. I remember. In Twilight? Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't see it. I was watching Apocalypse Now. Thank you, Rob.

2:50:35for the hundredth time. Good luck driving. Yeah. Long drive. Don't give me a hard time for not watching Twilight. I was watching Luc Besson. In any other world, he would be made fun of by Woods. But because he happens to have made an exception and likes Twilight. You're a plebe. You're a plebe because he happens to like Twilight. Hey, Woods. The kid doesn't like fantasy. Have you seen the girl with the dragon tattoo? I know it's all in subtitles, but enjoy. Woods has a freakish ability to make you feel so bad for something that you like. He's like, dude. Pickles. Gay guys from Francie Pickles. And you're like, they do? In the 90s. In the 90s they did. Here's a general rule of thumb. What is it? If I'm in on it, be in on it. If I'm out on it, be out on it. It's not that hard. The kid likes what he likes. How about be yourself to pack? Be different, Woods. I am being different. Let everyone be themselves.

2:51:42You know, you started wearing that little boy news delivery hat. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, and when you did, I was very kind, and I was like, hey, listen, if the guy wants to have a paper route, that's fine. Well, Brad Pitt wears it, so I thought I was okay. Yeah, you're no Brad Pitt. Fair enough. I'm not saying I am. I have actually better skin, but I'm not saying that I've got Brad Pitt. I'm saying if he can wear it, I can wear it. And not feel bad. It's funny because he's fat. We're all allowed to wear whatever we want. Hey, it's what makes the world go round. Do you know that I saw for the very first time two minutes of Twilight. And I didn't have, there was no sound. Rebecca was wearing her little headphones that, you know, make her head look so... so tiny. She's got these, you know, they're normal-sized headphones, but when she puts them on, it looks like a toddler wearing these big, giant earmuffs. And I was looking at it, and she goes, it's good, huh? I love Rebecca. But she said it really loud because she couldn't hear you. It's good, right? I know. Isn't this great, Han? This is so good. It did not.

2:53:05look good to me. It's really, it's not. It was a subtitle, so you'd be honest. I like it, but it's not good. I saw a scene where a guy turned into a wolf. That's the second movie. That's not that good. The first one was better. What is it? New Moon? New Moon's the second one. Twilight. Just look at the woods, he knows that one. Eclipse is the third, and what's the fourth one? Breaking Dawn. Yes, Breaking Dawn. Breaking Wind. This guy turned into a wolf, and it looked like cartoonish. It is, Mike. It is. It's stupid. I was really upset by it. With everything that we have available and how much money they probably had for that movie, the graphics were terrible. I thought so, too. Hilary, what did you think? I was in. She liked it. My wife loves. I love the books. Uh-huh. And I totally resisted them forever and finally went for it and was ripped through them. Me, too. It was just so much fun. And I was prepared for the movie because everybody said the first one is super cheesy. So they are, they're super cheesy, but it's just fun. But you love them. It's fun. My wife on Sunday is going over to a girl's house and a bunch of girls are going to watch all three of them. And me. Love it. I'm going, yeah. You aren't. Yeah, I'll be there. Yeah.

2:54:23I'm bringing the Chardonnay. The white's in. Jamie's actually not going. She thought it was lame. So I'm going. It is. But it's fun. Lame. It's like, you know, there's a movie called The North Shore. And Jay, LLB, you guys... You took his wallet. You pounded. Exactly. It's the worst, cheesiest surf movie ever. So good. You can't turn it off. You're like... Oh my god, I have to keep watching this. It's so cheesy. It's so good. But rad. You know, Kelly Slater would be like, oh, I friggin' love the North Shore. It's brilliant. Yeah. But it's just one of those. It's so strange because I think that Woods and I would have some sort of similarities in the stuff. He likes Crazy Heart. I like Crazy Heart. He likes The Wrestler. I like The Wrestler. But I can't get him to watch anything smart. Well, because when there's subtitles, he's out. He doesn't want to have it. Seriously. You say if it's got subtitles, you're out on it. Of course. Because I'm not pretentious. Oh, please. Subtitles make it pretentious? Are you kidding me? No. Hey, dude. I don't like to read and watch.

2:55:27I love to read, but not to read and watch. It's the best action movie you've ever seen. Best action movie I've ever seen. Heat. Okay. These movies are heat made in another country. Yeah. So they're the same coolness. It's just that they're in another country. I think the other problem is I'm a big... They're grittier. But I'm a big believer in the actor. So I like the actor. And so that's what attracts me to the movie. I was listening to Paul Giamatti yesterday. I would watch anything that that guy did. Anything. He's so great. Any movie he did. He was talking about some indie movie he just made. Probably seven people see it. I will watch that. Yeah. Here's what I... So I don't just watch Schwarzenegger movies. Here's the paradigm. Here's the paradigm for me. I go, man, it's too bad this guy can't speak English. Because he'd be a really great American actor in Hollywood. Can you tell? Because you can't really tell his intonation. For sure you can. I think so. Oh, yeah. I can tell the emotion, but like... It loses something for me. I'll watch something. I'll tell you how I know the answer to that because some of them suck. Some of them suck and I can tell. I forget that I'm reading. I just watched Pan's Labyrinth and I didn't realize I was even reading at some point. You just kind of fall into it. But you definitely lose something. It's why I never saw Schindler's List. I'm the only human that never saw Schindler's List. Isn't there subtitles?

2:56:48I don't think so, is it? I don't know. And it's in black and white. I was like, nope. Oh, it's so powerful. I heard it's amazing. I heard it's incredible, and you have to see it, and I'm like, eh. Some of my favorite movies ever were subtitled movies. We just watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. My husband and I are reading those three books. How rad is it? And we just rented the first movie. How rad is it? So good. All the actors look like real people. Is it good? I'll watch it then. If you say to watch it, then I'll definitely watch it. Wood, you should totally watch it. I should. And I'll tell people now, it's graphic. Oh, yeah. I tried to read the book. I tried to read the book, and they're from Holland, or where are they from? Sweden. Sweden. It was messing with me. And I couldn't get through it. I was fighting through it, and I was like, I can't do it. It's kind of like an Ikea catalog. It is. It's like an Ikea catalog. Yeah, and you read it, you're like, come on. Oh, they're great, though. Let's see. Keep going. My brother Steve goes, have you seen Girl with a Dragon Tattoo? And I barely, it was like he didn't say anything to me. I'm like, so what are you doing tomorrow? And he goes, have you seen Girl with a Dragon Tattoo? And I'm like, no, what is Girl with a Dragon Tattoo? And he's like, dude, it's really, really great. I'm like, okay, great.

2:58:01He talked to me about that movie forever. So finally, I'm going through movies on the remote control and I go, fine. And first five minutes of it, your jaw drops open. You're like, holy crap. Tell you what, I'll watch it. And I will fight through a subtitled foreign movie because you too said so. Because Hillary said so. Because I can't convince him. I can't convince him. He can't convince me. No. He oversells stuff. I've tried to convince him on so many movies he just won't see. Inception. Mikey oversells stuff. The thing is, too, is that the Swedish version of Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, you know they're making an American version now. It's not going to be. It's going to be terrible. Right. It's going to be terrible. They did that with a Luc Besson movie that I love called La Femme Nikita. And they made it here and they called it. Point of No Return with Bridget Fonda. It was the stupidest movie ever. They did it with The Ring. The Ring was good. It scared the crap out of me. I thought the Japanese one I thought it was supposed to be super scary. It was. I saw parts of the Japanese one. Japanese make some scary scary movies. Hillary, what do you got coming up?

2:59:21Ah, I grabbed the new Mumford & Sons song we're playing called The Cave, New Kings of Leon, some Danzig, Depeche Mode, and we're going to start with Devo. Sweet. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We'll come back tomorrow morning at 6, and we'll do this again. Mikey shows out.